Chapter Text
Kurt arched his back and moaned as he came, shouting his boyfriend’s name as Sebastian leaned back quickly, without pulling out, in his nightly attempt to see….something.
Sebastian frowned again, as he’d done last night when the same thing happened, and the night before, and Kurt sighed against the pillow as he looked up at him. It was getting a bit annoying that Sebastian kept doing this when they had sex, and he wouldn’t tell Kurt what was going on. It was almost like Sebastian was disappointed in their sex life, but he hadn’t said so.
Maybe he was afraid to say so.
It was beginning to worry Kurt, to be honest. He wanted to know what Sebastian was doing.
“Okay, that’s it. You’ve done that every night for the past two weeks. Now I want to know what the fuck is so disappointing about me when we have sex,” Kurt shoved Sebastian away from him, wincing slightly when Sebastian’s cock slid out of him.
“It’s not that, babe,” Sebastian sighed as he grabbed his cock, still hard since he’d apparently abandoned his need to orgasm in order to piss Kurt off again.
Kurt pulled up to sit against the headboard and looked at Sebastian, “Then what? I’m starting to get a complex. I feel like you are disappointed in me or something and you don’t want to say it.”
He felt tears falling and he brushed them off with his fingers.
“Babe, it’s got nothing to do with being disappointed in you,” Sebastian crawled up and kissed him. “I promise.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t think you’re going to want to hear it, especially since we had that fight over the video thing.”
Kurt sighed, “This again?”
The video thing had been a failed experiment to tape themselves having sex. Kurt loved sex, and he loved having it with Sebastian, but he had no interest in watching himself on video.
It had been embarrassing, because he thought he looked awful on the video, and Sebastian knew how sensitive he was about that sort of thing. He didn’t share Sebastian’s belief that watching himself was sexy in any way.
He actually adored watching Sebastian in the video, because the man was levels of sexy that were too difficult to describe. And watching Sebastian on the video had led to a night of incredible sex.
Kurt had just hated watching himself.
He could even watch porn now, without having the steady stream of comments run through his brain about how these people’s families would feel about them doing this for a living.
But he refused to watch himself. And he’d refused to let Sebastian tape them anymore.
He knew it had disappointed Sebastian when he’d refused, but his boyfriend had been easily seduced into forgiving him for it.
“Tell me,” Kurt said softly.
“Come here,” Sebastian pulled him down the bed again and covered his body, snuggling into him with his mouth near Kurt’s ear.
He stayed there for a few long moments, without speaking.
“What is it?”
“I’m afraid you’re going to freak out on me,” Sebastian said softly near his ear.
“I might. I do have a tendency to do that. Not gonna lie.”
“I want to tell you. But I don’t want you to freak. And I don’t want you to think crazy insecure things that will make you want to leave me,” Sebastian replied quietly.
“Okay, I can’t promise I won’t freak. But I can promise I won’t leave you. I love you,” Kurt brushed his lips across Sebastian’s cheek, the only part of him he could reach since Sebastian’s face was still buried in his neck.
“I love you too,” Sebastian murmured petulantly.
“You sound almost mad about that,” Kurt laughed.
“Shut up.”
“Would you tell me already?” Kurt sighed and stroked Sebastian’s back and arm absently.
“You know how much I love it when you come right?”
Sebastian’s voice was small and muffled, as if he was embarrassed to talk about this, which piqued Kurt’s curiosity.
“Yeah. You may have told me that a few times. Isn’t that the reason for the video? You wanted to watch me come.”
“It’s not the same as seeing it when it happens, though.”
“You see me come all the time,” Kurt reasoned, totally at a loss about how this was a problem for Sebastian. “Baby, you’ve watched me come when you suck me off, you’ve watched when you gave me handjobs. You’ve seen me come over and over again.”
“I want to see you come when you’re getting fucked.”
“You’ve done that too,” Kurt rolled his eyes, grateful that Sebastian couldn’t actually see him do that.
“No, I don’t just want to see, I want to watch,” Sebastian still wasn’t looking at him as he spoke.
He wanted to watch.
Kurt felt his eyes widen in shock, when one particular thought occurred to him.
“You’re freaking out. I can feel it,” Sebastian kissed the skin under his ear and leaned back, adjusting his position on the bed. “Yep, freaking out,” he concluded when he looked into Kurt’s face.
“I’m not freaking out,” Kurt denied. “I’m not even sure what you’re trying to tell me, so how can I freak out about it.”
But it sounded a little like something that Kurt would freak out about.
Sebastian watching him.
As in Sebastian not participating.
“Will you promise to listen without elbowing me in the throat again and locking yourself in the bathroom?” Sebastian glared down at him as he asked the question.
Kurt snorted, remembering that argument very well. “Yes.”
Sebastian leaned down and kissed him, his hand brushing over Kurt’s face. He slid the pad of his thumb across Kurt’s chin, and then pulled down, opening his mouth slightly to drive his own tongue inside.
Kurt loved Sebastian’s kisses. They were passionate and unrestrained, and everything Kurt could ever want.
“I love you,” Sebastian whispered as he pulled back, and he brushed his thumb over Kurt’s lower lip, smiling down at him as he spoke.
Sebastian loved to see Kurt’s mouth swollen and pink from kissing, and the sight often distracted his boyfriend when he was supposed to be talking.
“I love you too.”
“Okay, please just hear me out. Without inflicting bodily harm on me. Without walking out on me. Without doing that thing you do with your eyebrows when you think I’m crazy.”
Kurt snorted, “I’ll hear you out. But the only thing I can promise is that I won’t walk out on you. Bodily harm is still on the table. And I regularly do that thing with my eyebrows because most of the time, you are crazy.”
“Just listen to me. I know you have this crazy idea that you aren’t sexy, and I can’t figure out where you get that.”
“Sebastian,” Kurt began.
“Shut up. You said you’d hear me out,” Sebastian glared down. “I know I said things that didn’t help that self-esteem of yours in high school. And you said shit to me. We’re over that. But I don’t understand how you don’t see that watching you come is the fucking sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Kurt opened his mouth to reply, but another glare from Sebastian had him shutting his mouth again.
Sebastian wrapped his hand around the nape of Kurt’s neck and pulled his face closer.
“I don’t just love to watch you come. It’s almost like I can feel it through your entire body. Your body tenses for me, and you arch your back, and you just lose yourself. I want to watch that as it happens. I want to watch you get fucked, and it’s like an obsession now. Your body is so fucking responsive to everything,” Sebastian’s voice had lowered and the thrum of it stirred something inside Kurt.
He moaned, and Sebastian smirked down at him.
“That’s right. Just listen. I want you to understand that it’s not just me who could want you. I want you to know that you’re so god damn sexy that the men at the club ache to have you. But they can’t because I won’t let them.”
“Sebastian,” Kurt whispered and closed his eyes.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” Sebastian whispered. “And I love how much you love me being inside you. You get this look on your face, like you are so satisfied once I’m finally in you. You sigh just a little bit, right before I really start fucking you. I wanna know if you only make that face for me. If I’m the only one who can put that there.”
Kurt opened his eyes and stared at him. He was serious. Completely and utterly serious.
He pulled Sebastian down for another kiss, “I know you’re the only one who puts that there.”
“I know you’re freaking out about this, and I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you leaving me. But I’ve been fantasizing about this for weeks now. Months really, if I’m honest with myself. Because that whole video thing was an attempt to get to see what I’m craving, but it didn’t work. I want it live. I want to watch you, because you’re so god damn sexy. I know you probably won’t agree to it, and I can understand why. I just… want it so much.”
Sebastian closed his eyes and sighed.
“Baby, you haven’t actually come out and said what you want. I think I know, but my imagination goes into overdrive sometimes. I need it spelled out for me. Are you actually talking about watching me have sex with someone else?”
Kurt cupped his face, and Sebastian slowly opened his eyes.
“Yes,” he whispered.
Kurt was dumbfounded.
He’d assumed that Sebastian’s recent issues were because he was getting tired of Kurt.
“No, I’m not tired of you,” Sebastian frowned.
“Did I say that out loud?” Kurt turned to him.
“Yes. Why would you think that?”
“I just….it’s just. Well, I had a hard enough time believing that you could want me in the first place. When you started acting like this, I got scared. I thought you were tired of me,” Kurt said softly.
“God, Kurt. I’m never going to get tired of you.”
He sort of knew that. It was something that he worried about off and on in their relationship, but he knew Sebastian loved him.
“You want to share me?”
He was having difficulty wrapping his mind around this idea.
“No,” Sebastian frowned. “It’s complicated.”
“Obviously,” Kurt laughed and held Sebastian tighter.
It was also one hell of a kink for him apparently. Kurt wasn’t sure he could do this, even though he had to admit that Sebastian talking about it turned him on quite a bit.
“It would have to be someone who would fuck you like I do.”
“Baby, nobody has ever fucked me like you do,” Kurt smiled up at him.
Sebastian smirked a little bit with satisfaction.
“And that admission just went to your head,” Kurt rolled his eyes.
“I don’t want it to be somebody who wants me too. I want it to be someone who wants you. Someone who will worship you. But it can’t be someone who will try to take you away from me either. And it can’t be someone who isn’t confident. I want somebody who will take you the way I take you. Who will fuck you hard and fast, but who is willing to slow down when you need it. Someone who won’t care that I’ll be inches away from you, watching every emotion play across your face, watching you for signs that he can satisfy you the way I know I can.”
Kurt’s breath caught, “That’s a little overwhelming. I’m not sure you’ll find someone like that.”
“But if I could, would you be willing?” Sebastian finally asked, softly and with a voice full of longing and hesitation.
“But after that, we’d be just us again, right? You don’t want the person in our lives permanently do you?”
“No, that’s not the goal. But honestly, I wouldn’t be against it either. Not if it’s something you want. I’ve always kind of been open to the idea.”
Kurt wrapped his hand around Sebastian’s wrist and pulled him closer. “I’m not saying no. I just don’t know. This is big. This is a trust issue too. And I get that you want me to see myself the way you see me, but it’s okay with me that I don’t. I’m just happy that you see me that way.”
He was leaning toward agreeing with the plan, in part because the scenario was sexy and intriguing, and in part because Sebastian wanted it so much.
“If you were to say yes, who would you trust to do this?” Sebastian asked.
“Well, Blaine is out, for sure,” Kurt rolled his eyes.
Sebastian laughed, “His eyes would bug out of his head if we even asked him about it.”
Kurt laughed with him, “No, that’s not why. It’s because even though he never owned up to it, he was always kind of fascinated and turned on by you. And I topped him, so that’s another strike against him.”
And Blaine was a little too prudish for that as well.
“No Dave either,” Sebastian frowned.
“Okay, but why?”
Kurt honestly wanted to know the answer to that one. He would never ask Dave to do that, not with their history. He’d feel like he was using Dave, and essentially, that’s what it would be. He couldn’t do that to Dave.
“He’d worship you, that’s for sure. But he’s not confident enough, and he’d fall even more in love with you. And then you’ll feel guilty and leave me for him,” Sebastian glowered at him.
“Dramatic much? I’m not leaving you, even if you are the biggest pervert I’ve ever met,” Kurt smirked.
“You said you liked me perverted. That’s what you said the night we had sex for the first time.”
“I’m ignoring that. Back to the topic at hand. I’ll only consider people I know. I couldn’t let a stranger do that.”
“I know that, baby. I wouldn’t let a stranger touch you either.”
Now that they were talking about it, the idea seemed a little less crazy, and the freaking out part had passed. Of course, it would show right back up again when the opportunity presented itself, Kurt was sure.
“Nick and Jeff are out,” Sebastian concluded after a few moments of silence.
“Agreed. It would backfire somehow onto their relationship. They fight enough as it is,” Kurt replied.
“Well, what about your friends?”
Kurt hesitated.
He hadn’t told Sebastian much about his high school experiences that didn’t involve Blaine.
“The only gay friend I have that you haven’t met yet is Chandler. And no.”
“Why not?”
“Just no.”
Kurt immediately began picturing having a relationship of sorts with Chandler. He and Chandler would get along great, and they’d always have fashion and Broadway and celebrities and the amount of fabulousness would just drive Sebastian over the edge.
He’d end up beating his head rhythmically against the wall like that little house-elf from his old favorite Harry Potter movie.
Kurt began to laugh until he was sure his eyes would water.
He couldn’t imagine Sebastian being able to control both Chandler and him in bed either.
They’d talk too much.
Sebastian would have to call in reinforcements. It would probably end up being Sam, who’d suddenly appear in the bedroom wearing Superman underwear outside of his tights, shouting about being there to save Sebastian from the insanity, only to add more to it himself.
“Okay. Well, fuck. We need more gay friends it seems,” Sebastian smirked. “What the hell are you laughing at?”
Kurt wiped the tears from his eyes, “Nothing. But I’m not going to start a relationship with someone new just to groom them for this little twisted fantasy of yours,” Kurt snorted.
“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing,” Sebastian argued.
Kurt ignored that. “Well, we could always consider the bisexual friends.”
“Like?”
There were only two of his bi friends he’d consider trustworthy enough to even think about asking.
“PuckandSam,” Kurt ran his words together on purpose.
Sebastian’s eyebrow lifted. “The Sam?”
“Yes, The Sam.”
“I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with The Sam. You have too much history with The Sam,” Sebastian frowned. “But then again, The Puck isn’t much better either.”
“But they meet your requirements. Well, except for the wanting me thing in Puck’s case. I think he’d be okay with it just because he’s pretty okay with any and all things sexual.” Kurt reached up and ran his hand through Sebastian’s hair.
“Look, I’ve seen Puck around you. And he would be okay with any and all things sexual involving you too,” Sebastian argued.
“So then you’re voting for Sam?”
Kurt bit back a little reminder that just because his two friends were options didn’t mean that they’d agree with it at all.
“No, I’m not voting for either at the moment.”
“You’re already feeling jealous about it,” Kurt reasoned.
“Kind of. It’s The Sam.”
“And I’ve never even been with The Sam. You can’t think I’d leave you for him. And we don’t even know that he’d be willing to do this.”
Sebastian’s eyebrow lifted again. “You seriously expect me to believe that either one of them would show any hesitation about fucking you?”
“Well, it’s not like they’ve ever actually said anything about wanting me. It’s not like it’s guaranteed.”
“We must be talking about two different Pucks and two different Sams. Because the ones I know eye-fuck you every time they see you.”
“What are you talking about?” Kurt frowned.
He’d never noticed anything like that coming from either one of his friends. That was most likely just Sebastian’s jealousy rearing up again.
“They eye-fuck you. So yeah, either one of them would actually be perfect for this.”
Sebastian actually looked upset about that admission.
“But I don’t want you jealous. I’m in love with you, and I don’t want you feeling like that when this is a fantasy of yours, not mine.”
“It’s The Sam part of it.”
“So then you’d rather have it be Puck?”
Sebastian looked as if he was thinking it through, and he shrugged. “Honestly, they’re both like my worst nightmare.”
Kurt laughed and snorted softly, “So what do you suggest we do?”
“I suggest we decide which is the lesser of two evils, because if you agree to this, they are the two best choices,” Sebastian concluded softly.
“What about what they want?” Kurt asked.
“I seriously doubt either one would turn us down. But we start with your first choice, and then if he says no, we ask the other?”
“Okay,” Kurt said softly, “but that’s not an agreement with it. I still need to think about that.”
Sebastian nuzzled Kurt’s neck, “Just think about how it would feel to have him fuck you while I’m touching you. How he could fill you up while I lie next to you, whispering in your ear about how gorgeous you are. About how sexy I think it is to watch you. About how much I want my turn at fucking you.”
Kurt closed his eyes, and he let Sebastian’s voice wash over him. He could picture it, and he was getting embarrassingly hard just thinking about the scenario.
Sebastian’s mouth brushed over his skin, “Can you picture it? You letting him inside you, and then you’d turn your head to the side to kiss me, and you’d look at me, you’d reach your hand up to touch my face, and you’d moan about how good it is. And I could watch your eyes darken, and I’d watch your body get all tensed up as he thrust inside you. I’d watch how you react, how your body would just take him, because god damn it, you were meant to be fucked. And it would be so fucking sexy just watching you.”
“Sebastian,” Kurt murmured.
“Just picture him. And think about what he’d do to you. What you’d want him to do to you. Think about how you’d want him to touch you.”
“Stop,” Kurt protested softly before pulling Sebastian’s head down for a kiss.
“You’d be torn between loving it, and feeling guilty because it’s not me, wouldn’t you?” Sebastian said against his lips.
“Yes,” Kurt replied.
“You don’t have to be. I’d never let him have you anyway. You’re mine.”
“You just can’t make up your mind, can you?” Kurt laughed softly.
“I know what I want. It’s the person I can’t make up my mind about,” Sam reminded.
“Sebastian,” Kurt kissed him again.
“Are you thinking about him? The one you want? Are you picturing him kissing you and touching you?”
“Yes.”
“Say his name. Tell me who you want us to ask.”
Kurt looked at Sebastian and swallowed nervously.