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Time doesn't change a person unless they have the goodwill to make it happen.
Eda found it ironic that at her big age, she had to lock herself in the bathroom because her fear was getting the better of her again.
"Grow up," the reflection in her mirror repeated with an accusing finger pointing at her. "Suck it up, you're a mother now."
"But how can one be a mother if she breaks down so easily? " the witch retorted aloud.
The absence of people in her house was upsetting her deeply.
Eda could only partially justify that discomfort because of her personality; She was a lively,exuberant, and strong woman. She was the complete opposite of the agonized and lonely silence.
She turned on the faucet to try and fill that void but it felt forced.
Her temples began to throb and on the other side of her mind, she could distantly hear an animal cry begging to be released.
She had made 'peace' with the owl beast more than a year ago. They had made a deal and now at the least desired moment, the parasite wanted to take back control of her body. It didn't feel fair.
With shaking hands (wait when they started shaking? ) Eda opened one of the cabinets where she stored the elixirs.
Just by looking at the orange liquid she felt a gag lurk behind her throat.
She opened the bottle.
The pop of the stopper was perhaps the only noise to be recognized as a brief detachment
from the anguish of silence.
She could barely drink it.
More than for the vomiting, it was as if the desire to cry and the elixir competed to see who had to be expelled first.
After gulping down all of it all that Eda had to do was grow up and move on.
Her first step would have been just to breathe, take deep breaths and forget this sense of emptiness that the evening was giving her.
Come on. One two...
But her eyes fell on the reflection.
Although she never changed emotionally her mirror showed the physical change in her body.
And it was a mess.
She was a mess.
She lost her arm to survive and the least bit of mental sanity. She no longer slept well and the bags under her eyes proved the lack.
Her throat tightened even more making it impossible to swallow.
A shiver ran through her body.
She had a strong need to feel real again and to bite away the uncomfortable feeling.
Eda sank her teeth into the hand until she tasted a metallic tang in her mouth.
She didn't understand or realize when it was enough and the feeling of unease was spreading all over her body 'till she couldn't help but scratch it away.
Her hand ached from how much she had bitten and her nails found their martyr in the legs.
They went deeper into the skin and then up and down until they got wet with something that didn't matter to her at the moment.
She had to push those thoughts away as soon as possible, and only then she could breathe again.
Come on now. One two...
Someone knocked on the door.
knock knock...someone was knocking on the door.
The loneliness was broken only by that one sound that came from across the room.
Yet that could only be impossible.
Any form of noisy presence would return tomorrow.
“Eda?” someone called out to her.
... Rainestorm?
Were they there all along? Did they hear her cry? Or they just came unaware that their girlfriend was having another mental breakdown like she was a child?
She wasn't sure. She didn't even know how long she'd been locked in that damn bathroom.
"Suck it up," the mirror repeated to her.
She looked like she was going crazy.
If she kept hearing non-existent voices given by reflections and mirrors it could be that even the noise from the door was nothing more than a mere hallucination.
"...Eda? Umh...
Are you there?"
That might not be real.
Maybe she was back in one of her own extremely realistic nightmares and she was just imagining everything.
She dug her nails back into her wounds but left a hiss of pain between clenched teeth.
No, that wasn't a dream.
The footsteps seemed so light on the floor when Eda automatically moved away from the mirror and the door. She feared the voices might come back to talk to her.
She sat in the empty tub.
What she was doing vaguely remembered a distant memory of when Raine had found her in not very nice conditions.
The knock had stopped but she knew that on the other end, Raine was anxiously waiting.
She wanted to answer them. She wanted to ask for help and grow the fuck out of her fear of being a burden.
The words stopped in the throat and tears flowed.
She tried in vain to contain the snobs and whines that kept falling without her consent.
"Eda? Is everything okay?"
She shook her head as if they could see her.
The shiver returned and her nails found other places to anchor.
She wanted to stop but for every moment that silence fell upon them, she filled it with her hisses of pain.
"Eda...
... Calamity I'm about to come in, okay?"
A slight panic could be heard in their voice. As if Raine already knew what they were going to find.
Her nails dug deeper into the skin as she heard the sound of the door opening.
Raine's eyes immediately found Eda's, only she ironically didn't because of the bigger
and bigger tears.
It was evident to her that Raine wanted to run. But she didn't know where to.
Maybe they were getting tired of seeing her in the same condition and they understood that she could no longer keep her shit together. They would leave her just like the last time and even this time it would be her fault-
A warm body invaded Eda's senses.
They were hugging her.
Taken off guard her face kept trying to relax to stop crying but it resulted in the opposite.
Oh, Titan. She forgot who Raine really was.
They weren't like the other ones.
Raine moved her head to their shoulder to give her room to cry without feeling ashamed or repressing her emotions.
“Calamity ” her nickname rumbled through their body and she could barely hear it due to her invading thoughts and their warmth
“Calamity, please breathe.
One, two... one big breath in and one big breath out"
Eda tried to but on the two another sob nestled in her throat. She felt slightly dizzy.
"Don't worry, I'm here...
One, two... one big breath in and one out. You can do it."
She tried to do it again but her mouth opened to explain.
"...s-sorry, I'm so sorry " Eda whispered in a hoarse voice.
Raine's eyes widened in terror as if she had said something shocking or unexpected.
"Eda, what? "
"Sorry, p-please I-" she was reeling in panic and was tired of poor Raine having to witness her breakdowns and then be her caretaker.
Raine shushed Eda, rocking her in their arms.
"Shh...Eda, please breathe," they told her.
Raine was having extraordinary patience to stay by her side.
When she caught her breath again they kept stroking her hair, whispering encouraging words.
"Can you get up?" they asked cautiously while their eyes inspected all the areas where she had hurt herself.
Though her breathing had settled she couldn't answer with words. She could only nod.
They helped her get out of the tub and opened the drawer where she usually stored all kinds of bandages and healer aids and began to treat the bites on her hand and the scratches on her legs.
Eda thought again about why Raine was there.
She was sure no one was in the house when she turned off all the lights in the living room and headed for the bathroom.
.
.
.
Oh.
"We had a date," she blurted out.
The realization brought guilty back into her body until it was expelled from her mouth as an apology.
"Shit…I'm sorry Raine," she told them
"I'm sorry... I just remembered that we had to go out and I...fuck "
Raine cupped her face in their hands.
"It's okay," they whispered to her, stroking her cheek with their thumb. "Nothing happened."
There was no accusation or sarcasm in their voice. It was calm…and sweet.
Eda leaned into their palm.
Her reflection in the mirror seemed to tell her something but she didn't listen as Raine took her hand to get out of the bathroom and lead the way to her room.
They slowly helped her change into something more comfortable, her pajama.
The stains of blood tainted her clothes.
She needed to get off the feeling of being dirty as soon as possible.
Eda could no longer get away from Raine.
They made her drink when they came into the kitchen.
Her throat was so dry that she had difficulty swallowing the glass of water. She looked like she hadn't had a drink in months.
When they arrived in the living room and sat down on the sofa, Eda became even more attached to Raine.
"...do you want to talk about it?" Raine softly asked as they gently rub Eda's back to help her open up.
Eda swallowed. She had to. It only seemed fair to them. They're trying.
"I was…fuck, I look so stupid and small
... " she took a deep breath in (one, two...)
"... I'm still afraid of being alone."
"I'm scared of this..silence when there aren't my kids around or Hooty or whatever…” she said. Her tone slightly shaking.
I'm aging badly Rainestorm” she joked.
It's not her fault to joke about serious topics. She just doesn't want to make Raine feel miserable like her. One is already enough.
Raine held her closer.
When they began to speak their solid voice seemed to crack a bit.
"No, Calamity this...you're not aging badly" they assured laughing a little (although their laughter sounded bitter, slightly forced)
"This fear of yours is not stupid. It's okay to be afraid and falling again into bad habits hurts a lot but please...always come back.
A witch I used to know-"
"Oh no," Eda complained although a smile was growing on her lips and it was getting wider and wider.
"A fantastic, brilliant, extraordinary, powerful-"
"Get to the point Whispers" she cut them off.
She wanted to cross her arms but one was missing and she still didn't want to let go of
Raine's hand, so instead, she gave them a warning squeeze.
Raine smiled.
"This amazing witch when I too was stuck and blinded by fear always told me one thing:
'punch that fear in the face'."
Eda snorted. She remembered every time she said that phrase to them when they were going to have another concert and were too afraid to mess the songs up.
"I can't fully understand what you've been through all your life but this time let me help you.
Talk to me. I want to help and I know how hard it is to you to ask for it and it may look easier to..."
Words failed them and a tear dropped down their face.
"..To suck it up?
But it isn't. It's slowly killing you..so please " they tightened, even more, their grip on her hand "don't ever give up".
And for once..she wanted to follow her own advice. She wanted to punch the fear herself.
A spark of hope began to light deep inside her chest thanks to them. Again.
They kissed her forehead.
"Now, do you want to see something specific on the crystal ball or do we just zap until we find those rom-coms that make us cringe?" they suggested.
"I think you already know the answer," she replied and cuddled by their side.
Resting their hand on her pajama pants, feeling her heart beat fast.
Yes, that moment, that single moment of comfort that they were trying to have was more than enough.
The witches made themselves comfortable, turned every light off, and threw a blanket over to cover them both.
"Ah Eda one more thing," Raine whispered to her while already zapping.
"Mh?"
"I love you, don't ever forget that "