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Jeongin sometimes wonders how the rest of his career would unfold if he decided to sue Han Jisung for sexual harassment. It’s not that he hates the man; on the contrary, he’s quite fond of him. Jisung is funny, and much smarter than he lets on, which only makes the whole thing more baffling. Why does Jisung think it's appropriate to try and kiss him all the time? Surely he can go and kiss Minho or Felix, who enjoy his pouty little smooches. Why does he try to kiss Jeongin when he has made it so clear that he’s not interested?
They're backstage at a concert and Jisung is insisting on kissing him again, a routine that he, the staff and Stay are all too familiar with. The camera is right there so he can't resist too much or maybe Stay will actually think it's gone beyond a joke (which it totally has) he lets Jisung kiss the top of his head and then makes a comment that people shouldn't kiss family members. Jisung looks a little sad for a moment, but it soon passes and then he's bickering with Changbin and generally being a pest. Jeongin has no way of knowing that this one incident would lead to such a snowball of events.
The first indication that something is different comes while he’s sprawled across the couch in his dorm. He hears the door open and sees Jisung padding through, his steps muffled by socks. Jeongin rolls his eyes. He already knows what’s coming next
He sighs "Hi, Hyung"
Except Jisung simply says "Hi, Innie", flashes him a closed mouth smile and then slips into Felix's bedroom. Hmm. That's odd. Jeongin was vulnerable on the couch and Jisung's eyes would usually light up, probably jump into his lap and try and press kisses to his face.
On another day, Jeongin is in the studio recording a solo song with 3Racha. They’re not sure whether it will go on the next special album or be released spontaneously as a special treat for their fans. Once Jeongin finishes recording, he sits beside Changbin on the small couch and watches as Chan and Jisung work with a staff member on some technical detail
"Ok baby bread?" Changbin asks, his face half-covered by his puffy jacket
"Mmm just a bit sleepy, I didn't sleep well"
"Oh poor baby!" Changbin reaches over and smooshes his face so Jeongin is making kissy lips. Jisung turns around and Jeongin knows he's in for it now, he's definitely going to say something or come over and bother him. Except he doesn't, he just shakes his head and lets out a small chuckle, before turning back to the desk.
The whole group has just finished a family dinner and are starting to settle in to watch a film. Jisung disappears—probably to the bathroom—but when he returns to the living room, the only empty spot is next to Jeongin. Ugh. He’s definitely going to invade Jeongin's space now, probably curl up at his side like a limpet. At least he’ll be warm, Jeongin thinks, it is a bit chilly in here.
Except when Jisung sits down, he leans away from Jeongin, props his head up on his hand whilst he leans his elbow on the arm of the couch. Jeongin feels a kind of gnawing discomfort in his stomach, because as much as he hates Jisung overstepping boundaries, he's used to it, it's part of their dynamic. He watches the film, but feels the huge chasm between him and Jisung as a physical ache. The only time Jisung isn't leaning away from him is when he reaches over to ask Felix for one of his sugary lace sweets, but as soon as he has claimed his prize he retreats away again.
Jeongin isn't really sure what is going on, he doesn't want the constant kisses but he is missing the little back and forth it produces. Jisung has had his kissing Jeongin agenda for so long that he feels lost at sea, he didn't even realise how much of their relationship was based on their bickering and Jisung's pouty lips. Jeongin quietly mentions that's he's feeling chilly, a sentence that would usually get Jisung offering up an innuendo or too-tight cuddles. But Jisung just tips back, pulls the blanket from the back of the couch and hands it to Jeongin, all without even a glance.
They've just finished another concert, they're all showering at the venue, it was a seriously hot one, Hyunjin should probably be put on a drip to replace the amount of fluids he's lost. But they are all buzzing, non-stop chatter and squealing, Changbin singing a retro girl group song as loud as he can.
Jeongin is almost dried when Jisung comes into the changing area wet and naked, not a care in the world, he looks briefly at Jeongin, gives him a small smile and then turns to the bench on the other side of the room. Jeongin turns away too, ruffles his hair with the towel in the mirror, then he catches Jisung's back in the reflection. Scratch marks, red marks that could only be created by fingers. Jeongin diverts his eyes away and he can't quite figure out why Jisung having some kind of secret sex life would interest him, let alone make his stomach dip so suddenly, like a stone dropping into a pool of water.
When they're all clean and in their comfy clothes, Minho suggests they all go for a drink when they get back, but Chan's feet are hurting. He just wants to be home with his feet tucked inside the heated foot massager the physio provided. So Minho suggests they all go to the maknae dorm and have a sleepover, maybe a few drinks, leave the old man to his own devices. Jeongin knows that he's really just trying to alleviate some of Chan's pressure. Let him be in pain without anyone fussing, it's kind of sweet, not that he'd ever say that to Minho, he likes all his limbs.
When they get to the maknae dorm, Changbin settles into the armchair and Felix flops onto his lap while the rest of them sit on comfy cushions or the couch. Jeongin can't help but notice that Jisung chooses the floor cushion next to Changbin and Felix instead of near him but then Felix starts running his fingers through Jisung's hair, petting him like a cat, so maybe he's just looking for some affection. He knows he won't find that with Jeongin after all.
They all enjoy some drinks and discuss some of the more crazy signs and banners that Stay had at the concert, easily becoming rowdy and probably far too loud for the hour.
"One of them said 'Minho, kiss Jisung or kiss me?'" Minho scoffs around his glass of soju "They're relentless"
"What, you don't want to kiss me, Hyung?" Jisung blows smoochy air kisses Minho's way and Minho pretends to avoid them like the guy from The Matrix making everyone giggle.
"Who do you want to kiss then, Hyung?" Hyunjin asks
"Hmm probably you if it has to be someone from the group, Hyunjinnie, you're always such a good boy for me"
Jeongin watches Hyunjin's face go bright pink and avoid Minho's playful, but rather intense eye contact
"Let's all say if we had to kiss anyone from the group who would it be?" Felix suggests, pulling focus from his closest friend "Gun to your head"
Seungmin surprises everyone by answering Changbin immediately and then sticking his finger up at him when Changbin tries to gloat "It was a gun to the head scenario, don't be annoying"
"How about you Sungie?" Hyunjin questions
"Oh that's easy!" He starts and Jeongin waits for the inevitable answer but it doesn't come, Jisung finishes the sentence with "Yongbok, for SURE" instead
"Aww, yeah? Shall we try it out now?" Felix smirks, waving his glass of wine, already past tipsy and well on his way to drunk.
"If you want" Jisung simply says with a shrug and a gummy smile
Felix stands on unsteady legs, passes his glass to Changbin, and slides down to the floor. He leans back against Changbin’s legs, his movements clearly affected by the alcohol. "Come here, then."
Jisung doesn't even hesitate, just turns slightly and slips onto Felix's lap, smiles at him before grabbing his face and going in for a kiss. The kiss is intense from the first contact and both of them let out little noises while Jisung grinds down on Felix's lap ever so slightly. Changbin is open mouthed in shock "Fuck, this is hot"
Jeongin can't deny it. His two hyungs fit together perfectly, so in sync with each other. He can see their pink tongues tangling, tasting, and everyone around them seems to lean in, trying to get closer to the action, even Seungmin. The sight is so captivating that he couldn't take his eyes off them if he wanted. Watching Jisung straddling Felix's lap, their fingers in each other's hair, the little noises. Jeongin is definitely not not chubbed up in his jorts right now.
When they pull away, they're both panting, looking directly into each other's eyes and Felix cups Jisung's chin with a hungry expression in his eyes, he's looking at him like he wishes they were alone.
"I love you both very much, you are my very good friends but I would pay good money, ANY money to watch you continue whatever is going on right now" Changbin half-jokes "Fuck, that was insanely hot"
Jisung and Felix burst into giggles "Think we should open an OnlyFans account, hyung?" Felix asks
"I think you'd make more than idol life if that kiss was anything to go by"
Jeongin stares openly at Jisung, his lips even more pouty than usual, swollen from the kiss, a blush across his cheeks and still slightly panting and squirmy in Felix's lap. Hmm. Maybe Felix is the cause of the scratches on Jisung's back. He shakes his head to knock the thought away. Luckily the conversation changes direction when Changbin says that he would probably kiss Chan for his 'gun to the head' kiss, which leads to Seungmin and Hyunjin making up a rhyme about them being the mummy and daddy of the group and Felix asking if he can trouble mummy for some breastfeeding which makes all of them (bar Changbin who just pouts that he's not just a sexual object) fall about laughing.
When Jeongin goes to bed—the only one in the dorm without anyone sharing with him—he stares at the ceiling and thinks about watching Jisung and Felix kiss and why it was so incredibly hot but also awful at the same time. Jeongin isn't straight and of course he finds all the members attractive to some degree, they're idols, and Felix and Jisung are no exception. He just can't help but focus on the way that Jisung so confidently slid into Felix's lap. How he shamelessly made those sweet little noises and how Felix looked like he wanted to fuck him then and there. Jeongin wouldn't have blamed him, if he'd just flipped Jisung onto the floor and fucked him in front of them all. He can imagine how loud he would be, those little lips begging for kisses, begging for more. Jeongin wonders what sort of noise he would make if someone kissed him while their hand dug into his waistband, tugged and yanked his sweatpants down until he was all naked and vulnerable underneath, panting and whining. Jeongin ignores the erection straining in his pyjama pants and rolls onto his side, he couldn't really be blamed for his thoughts wandering, his hyungs had practically performed a live sex show in front of them all tonight. No way is he feeling guilty about it.
"...don't think he would be very happy to find out what happened last night between you two"
"Yeah, I guess Hyung, but I think it's casual anyway, and it was only a kiss"
Jeongin frowns as he eavesdrops on Felix and Minho's hushed conversation from behind his door the next morning
"That may be, but fucking around together when he's already dating someone that we see every day seems a recipe for drama, something which I really don't have the energy for"
"Even if it was as hot as last night?"
Minho sighs dramatically "There's a reason that you two could never date, neither of you two have an off-switch! How close were you to fucking him last night if I didn't drag him to my room?"
"Oh, very close!" Felix cackles
"Instead I'm stuck with being sexually frustrated because I couldn't get off while he was snoring in my bed!"
"Could have just left him to Innie"
Minho hisses "Be quiet! You know that's not possible, we've all had the talk"
"It's stupid, Innie is probably wondering what's going on"
Minho scoffs "Who cares, that kid has made his opinion on Jisung more than obvious and Chan was clear as day when we had that meeting"
Now Jeongin is confused, what meeting? A meeting that somehow involved discussion about Jeongin without him being there? And who is Jisung dating? That they see every day?
Jeongin has just finished dance practice on a warm Friday evening, they've all been refreshing themselves on some of their older routines. Felix is sat in the corner on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him, Jisung sat between them receiving a shoulder rub while he wipes at his face with a towel. Jisung must feel his eyes on him from across the room, he turns to see who it is and Jeongin watches his face drop when he realises it's him. Jeongin is a bit taken aback because they've had no fallout, no big argument, nothing that would mean this sudden change in his behaviour. This is almost worse than the kissing, Jisung at least interacted with him then, now it's like some polite colleague relationship. He decides he's got to ask someone what the deal is, so he starts to formulate a plan.
Jeongin decides to get answers from Changbin, the member who is most soft for him and therefore most likely to find it harder to lie. And it's not too unusual, they often get together to eat and hang out
They finally get together on a quiet evening and cook meat & rice together, enough for 3 or 4, deliver some to Chan in his room while he Skypes with his family and then settle together to eat their portions
"So, what prompted todays visit, Innie?"
Jeongin shrugged "Just felt like eating far too much meat without Minho commenting on it"
Changbin chuckles "That's because you stuff too much in your mouth at the same time, you can't fill your mouth like that and not expect jokes"
Jeongin rolls his eyes "You're basically making those jokes now, Hyung, can't we just eat?"
Changbin raises his eyebrows, nods and returns back to balancing meat and sauce on lettuce leaves with his chopsticks.
"Something funny is going on in this group" Jeongin finally says
Changbin looks back up "Uh? whaddya mean?" He asks around a mouthful of food
"Just some weird things I've noticed"
Changbin looks at him blankly, a dab of gochujang in the corner of his mouth
Jeongin sighs "Jisung is acting weird"
"Like what?! Changbin looks concerned, which isn't ideal, because that probably means that he hasn't noticed
"Like, he isn't pestering me anymore"
Changbin looks relieved "Oh yeah, that's good right? What you wanted"
Jeongin frowns "What?"
"Well you were asking him to stop and he's stopped, what's the problem?"
"Which is great, but now he's acting like we're not even friends"
"Well, you're not really are you?" Changbin shrugs and returns to picking at the pile of meat on his plate
"What?? Of course we're friends!"
Changbin pulls a face, something between disbelief and pity "If you say so" he says softly "Just...Innie, do you ever hang out together? Outside of schedule, I mean?"
"Well, no, but only because he wants to sit in my lap or kiss me when we're together"
"And now he doesn't, so...what's the problem?"
"Why did he stop all of a sudden? He's done it for years"
Changbin nods "Ooooh there's a couple of reasons really" he wipes his fingers on his napkin, counts on his fingers "One, he was told in no uncertain terms to stop and t—"
Jeongin is very confused and a tiny bit panicky, interrupting Changbin "What do you mean he was told to stop, Hyung? By the company?"
Changbin waves his hand "No, no just Chan-ah, he said he was making you uncomfortable and he needed to stop it."
"Wait, Chan-Hyung told Jisung to quit flirting with me?"
Changbin snorts "That's the first time I've heard you call it flirting, usually you say it's harassment or whatever. But yes, Chan said he had to step in and then he told the rest of us to make sure you don't get stuck alone with him. He doesn't want you to feel awkward at work or home"
"Fuck" Jeongin squirms in his seat, dread and embarassment churning up the meat in his stomach "I just, I never took it that seriously. He must have been pretty upset"
"I can't say, Chan spoke to him alone. Think Sung feels guilty and embarrassed for making you feel so uncomfortable and it getting to a point that Chan felt he needed to step in"
"Well, that explains a lot. He's been really weird with me for the past few weeks"
"It's better though, right? What you wanted?"
Jeongin nods and returns to his meal, Chan talking to Jisung must have made him so worried, maybe he should clear up the issue with Jisung one to one so he knows they're ok, that he appreciates that he's not being pestered but that he still wants to be friends with him.
After their meal, Changbin and Jeongin watch an action film in Changbin’s room. Changbin falls asleep halfway through, so it’s just Jeongin watching while he gently snores beside him. Still, Jeongin is ready for his talk with Jisung, and he can’t help but listen for any sign of him
Around 1am Jeongin hears the front door beep, someone sneaking in. He listens closely until he hears Jisung curse after he drops something with a loud clatter. Jeongin gently slides off the bed and tiptoes to the door, slipping out and closing it softly behind him. In the living area Jisung is taking off his jacket. He jumps when he sees Jeongin and frantically looks around
"Everyone's asleep"
Jisung looks alarmed, plasters a fake smile on his face "Think I better go to sleep too then, long day" he gestures towards his room and starts to head in that direction
"Can we talk?" Jeongin asks
"Erm, maybe in the morning?"
"You mean when we can have adult supervision?"
Jisung squirms, Jeongin has never seen him look so uneasy "Yeah, to be honest. Maybe with other people around" he makes to go
"Are we not friends, Hyung?"
Jisung turns back, shoulders slumped and a resigned look on his face "What do you want me to say Innie? I'm so sorry for making you feel uncomfortable in the past, ok? I really am. I've stopped, we work together, can we just leave it at that?"
"So we're not friends?" Jeongin questions
"No Jeongin, we are not friends, ok? I had a stupid infantile crush on you for a while and now it's done, ok? We're colleagues and I really don't want another lecture from Chan-Hyung because I have been acting inappropriately towards you if I'm honest"
"You had a crush on me?"
Jisung laughs with disbelief and rolls his eyes "Don't worry, I've been cured"
"Cured? Of your crush?"
"Yup, it's amazing how fast you can get over something when your best mate tells you..." he lifts his hands and makes quotation marks "'It's never going to be returned Han-ah, he doesn't see you like that and you need to move on. You're coming across desperate and he is within his rights to go to work without being harassed'" Jisung looks gutted
Jeongin is gobsmacked, he never really took it into consideration that there were actual feelings there, maybe that Jisung wanted to jump his bones but nothing more substantial. He can't imagine how awful it must have been to let a crush get to the point that your friends have to intervene, Jisung must have been so embarrassed.
"Look it's fine now, we work together and I don't want that to change, we're a family, like you said. Ugh it's so warm in here, did Changbin cook meat all evening?"
Jeongin can't help the giggle that escapes and rubs his stomach "Oh yesssss"
Jisung rolls his eyes and then pulls at the hem of his hoodie, pulling it up and over his head. Jeongin can't help that his eyes are drawn to his stomach when his arms are raised, Jisung's gently outlined abs covered in bruises. "What the fuck, Hyung, what happened to your stomach??"
Jisung who has now escaped the confines of his hoodie flushes and looks awkward "Erm, just banged into something"
Jeongin strides across the space between them and lifts up the bottom of Jisung's T-shirt, at this distance he can clearly see that they're bite marks "You banged something for sure"
Jisung chuckles and it makes Jeongin feel a little warm inside, somewhere in amongst the tense gritty sludge that sits in his stomach at the evidence that not only Jisung has moved on so quickly, but that it seems as though he's having pretty wild sex with someone else
"That's private information, Yang!"
Jeongin quirks his eyebrow at Jisung "Don't let Chan see them, he'll want to know all about it, make you sign contracts"
Jisung shrugs "That's already done, he works at JYPE too"
Jeongin bites his tongue, desperate to ask who it is but it's really not his business so he simply says "Cool"
"Yeahhh...anyway, I'm gonna go to bed now" Jisung indicates his room "Sorry for all that stupid shit before. I don't know what was wrong with me" he gives Jeongin a brief smile "Night, Innie"
Jeongin nods "Night, Hyung"
After the conversation, Jisung doesn't avoid contact with Jeongin quite as much as before, he is still distant and doesn't really go out of his way to be near him but the conversation has obviously cleared the air a bit and Jeongin feels like this new operating level could work for them both.
They've just finished dance practise when someone peeks their head around the door, Jisung who was slobbing about all over the floor with Seungmin almost bounces up when he notices. Jeongin watches as Jisung tries to look cool as he makes his way over to the door. Some of the swagger immediately lost when he stands on his tiptoes and quickly presses a kiss on the person stood in the doorway, blocked from Jeongin's sight by the door.
He can't help his curiosity and tries to think of a good excuse to move to where Chan is sat at the opposite end of the room, where he is sure there is a perfect unobstructed view of Jisung's new boyfriend.
Chan notices Jeongin staring at him and cocks his head to one side, just before he looks like he's about to get to his feet and approach Jeongin, Jeongin makes his way over to him instead "Hey, Hyung"
"Hey Innie, you need me?" Chan looks up at him from the floor
"Nah, just lost in thought" Jeongin moves to Chan's side and slides his feet out until he's sat next to him on the cool linoleum. When he lifts his eyes towards the door, he can see who Jisung is stood with, a trainee, a year or two older, tall and foreign. Jeongin's thoughts are already out before he can stop them "Jisung is dating that trainee? The foreigner?"
Chan follows his gaze "Hmm? Yeah, Matty? He's as foreign as me though Innie, so don't be rude"
"Oh, no, sorry Hyung, didn't mean it like that"
"If you say so" he levels his eyes at Jeongin "But Jeongin, it's not really our business. So maybe we don't ask questions about it or anything, because he's finally found someone he likes who likes him back and Matty is a good guy"
Jeongin frowns at Chan "That's good, glad he's happy"
Chan returns his frown "Really? Because before you acted like he was a thorn in your side. And now I hear you're asking people about who it is and how long it's been going on"
Jeongin internally curses himself (for asking Seungmin) and for Seungmin and his infernal need to relay gossip to Hyunjin
"...and I don't want anyone to get into a situation where just because someone isn't available, they suddenly become interesting to you. Jisung doesn't deserve that."
"What, Hyung, what are you on about? I'm just being nosy! That's all it is, promise"
Chan hums in acknowledgment but his face is stern "You wanted him away from you, now he is."
"And that's great actually, Hyung! I wanted to thank you for that. Because it's helped both me and him, he's moved on and I've got my personal space back"
Chan narrows his eyes "Hmm well I think love is a complicated thing and he didn't mean to be so in your face about it, but like you said, it's worked out now" he smiles and smacks Jeongin on the shoulder "Now help me up, I am an old, old man who shouldn't have sat on the floor for so long"
Jeongin plasters a smile on his face that he hopes hides the sheer panic going on in his brain as he pulls Chan up onto his feet and then crosses the room to gather his belongings. He suddenly needs to be alone. Nobody mentioned love, not one person. Because a crush is not the same as love. Nobody said Jisung was in love with him. Nobody said that for the past few years, Jeongin had been rather brutally rejecting Jisung who was in love with him. He feels awful. He had no idea. A crush is one thing, but love??
Jeongin excuses himself when they get back to the dorm, let's Minho know that he's going for a walk. Minho shrugs but checks he's got a mask and pulls his beanie lower on his face. Always quietly fussing over them all.
Jeongin wanders into the local park, just walking the circular track and pondering how he didn't ever know about Jisung's feelings, he never really took any of it seriously, just as something irritating that Jisung did because he could. How awful he must have looked to his friends as his hyung tried to give him kisses and he was pushing him away telling him he disgusted him. Jeongin rubs frustratedly at his face, this is mortifying, he wants to sprint to Jisung and beg him for his forgiveness, that he just thought it was part of a game. Except he can't. Jisung is with his new boyfriend and Jeongin isn't even his friend. He tries to reason with himself that Jisung never actually told him that it was love, how was he supposed to know? He didn't even get a chance to actually consider feelings or actually reject him. Jisung just played those stupid games. Took away Jeongin's chance to make any decisions or look at him in any way other than his hyung who pestered him. Now he was actually feeling irritated. Why should he feel like the bad guy?! He storms back home and decides he's not going to feel any way about Jisung or the entire situation. He's just going to let it continue to play out like it currently was and that was that. Washing his hands of the situation.
Jeongin's first hint that maybe he can't just entirely wash his hands of the situation is when he next sees Jisung, and he's wearing a suspiciously large hooded sweatshirt with the name of a British university emblazoned on the front. It rubs him the wrong way. Jisung had loved him apparently and yet here he was, just a short while later looking oh so happy parading about in his new boyfriends hoodie. How could it have been love if he could move on so fast? It made no sense and made Jeongin's teeth clench together.
The second hint was a rather large one, unfortunately for Jeongin.
He's having another 'gorge on meat' night with Changbin and they practically roll to bed to watch a film that Changbin chooses, but inevitably falls asleep in front of.
Jeongin is just starting to feel settled himself when he hears voices coming through the door, giggles and then kissing sounds. He lies on his back listening as he hears more breathless laughing and then presumably Jisung's door shut. Are those the actions of someone who was in love? All it takes for him to fall out of love and into those stupid giant British arms is a talk with Chan? Just a 'you need to move on, Jisung' and then bam! He's moved on?! Oh it really irritates Jeongin. And now that he's more awake again, he needs a drink of water and that means going into the kitchen. And boy, does he regret that almost immediately.
The sounds of Jisung and his boyfriend filter underneath Jisung's door, Jeongin is frozen to the spot as he hears Jisung groaning for more and his boyfriend grunting a response. Jeongin feels sick. The noises never stopping for a moment, only increasing in pitch.
Jeongin doesn't even return to Changbin's room to collect his stuff, just checks that his phone is in his sweatpants pocket and then walks straight out of the apartment picking up his shoes on the way out.
He heads home, pulling his shoes on as he walks and doesn't care about the noise he makes when he gets back to his own dorm. Just storms straight into his room and closes the door before he plops down on the floor. What the fuck.
Not long after he's got home, he's still sat on the floor, mindlessly scrolling on Tiktok when he hears a firm knock on the door before Minho walks straight in
"Hyung! What are you doing?! You can't just walk in!"
Minho sits down on the edge of his bed and sniffs "It's 2am and you've made enough noise coming home but now I can hear those annoying videos through the wall. Either talk to me or turn them off and go to bed"
"Don't have anything to talk to you about"
Minho picks at a piece of fluff on his pyjama bottoms "Nothing going on at all? Nothing to do with you being jealous or confused or anything? No?"
"Jealous about what? What do I have to be jealous about, Hyung? I really don't have the energy for your riddles, we have work tomorrow"
"Ok, I'm going back to bed then" he points at Jeongin's phone "And turn that down"
Just as Minho reaches the door handle Jeongin quickly gets out "Why did nobody tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"That Jisung was in love with me?"
"Ohhhh that" Minho grimaces
"Yes THAT. Why did nobody think to mention that he was in love with me? That I've been so cruel to him for so long?"
Minho lets out a noise vaguely like a laugh "You chose to be cruel, you chose to not see what is in front of your face, LITERALLY" he whisper shouts the word "But also he didn't want to tell you, couldn't face it and it wasn't our place. Don't let it worry you, you'll work out a new relationship, maybe a good friendship. You don't owe him anything Jeongin-ah, and he doesn't owe you anything. He's with someone now, he's being looked after"
"Pfft I could hear that. Being looked after reallllll nice"
Minho rolls his eyes "Don't start that, just get a grip and get over it"
"I don't have anything to get over"
"Well then" Minho opens the door "That's convenient! Go to sleep Jeongin-ah" and with that he closes the door.
The next day Changbin brings him the stuff Jeongin left when he hightailed it back home. He explains it away that he was just tired, forget he'd left it there to which Changbin shrugs, like he hadn't asked.
When Jeongin sees Jisung he can hear the sounds from last night. The begging and whining. Except now he can see his pretty face, see the shirt he's wearing, cinched in by a corset belt. And usually he would be uninterested but now he's wondering if more bruises and bite marks adorn his skin underneath the layers.
They perform as usual, Jeongin thinks he manages ok, despite being slightly distracted by his swarming thoughts. That is, until Chan pulls him to one side and asks him if he's ok. Jeongin supposes that he had underestimated just how distracted he was.
Jeongin walks into the changing room feeling annoyed with himself, a bad mood beginnning to fester which is only worsened when he overhears Jisung talking to Felix behind a privacy curtain "and I tell you what else I love about him..."
Jeongin turns tail before he can even hear the rest of the sentence. He didn't even get to hear Jisung say anything like that about him, but this new guy? Ooh of course, he's different. He gets the chance to react to Jisung and his feelings. Not like Jeongin, who gets to hear when he's moved on, when he is in love with another man.
He calls a couple of friends and arranges to meet up with them at a club, he just needs complete distraction from everything and to be away from his group, because he can't stop himself and the irritation that continues to inhabit him when he thinks that they all kept a secret from him, respecting Jisung or not.
Jeongin is DRUNK. He doesn't even think he's ever been this drunk before. His friends think it's hilarious. They're all stood in the foyer of the club waiting for cars and a girl is hanging off of Jeongin's arm fluttering her eyelashes at him and sure, she's pretty but not quite as pretty as Jisung but this is what he needs. Needs to move on. And that's when he gets an idea, he'll call Jisung and tell him about it! They can both move on, it isn't just Jisung.
"Welcome to the K-tel voicemail of Han Jisung, please leave a message after the beep"
Beep
"Hiiiii Hyung! I just wanted to call you to tell you that I'm happy that you've moved on! I think that's great! I'm really happy for you! And I just wanted to tell you that I have moved on too! I'm over you too! Which I'm sure you'll be happy about! We're even again! Anyway, bye!"
Jeongin can't really remember the night before, he was very very drunk but he can remember that the rest of his dorm had taken it in turns to rub his back as he hunched over the sick bowl and also tell him that he was an 'incredibly stupid bastard' and before that, there was definitely a girl that he kissed and there was a lot of alcohol. But that's it. Everything else is hazy and loud. The hangover he's woken up with is his own fault and very much deserved.
Hyunjin texts
Hyunjin-Hyung
Innie, want to go for hangover soup? I hear you might have had a rough night last night 🍻
Me
That sounds good hyung, shall we go to the place near you? I'll walk down
Hyunjin-hyung
Ok see you in 20?
Jeongin makes his way down to the other dorm after freshening up and waits near the doorway but feels like he might have been spotted so makes his way into the building to collect Hyunjin directly. He knocks and then let's himself in with the code, no response so he calls out "Hellloooo Hyunjin-Hyung?"
Jisung pops his sleepy face out of his room "He just left to go somewhere I think"
He looks adorable, Jeongin can't help but think to himself, all eyes and cheeks framed by a messy bed head.
"Oh sorry, he must have gone straight to the cafe, I just assumed he would be up here still"
"S'ok" Jisung smiles and steps further out of his room with his phone in hand, starts making his way over to the kitchenette when he pauses and turns to Jeongin "Innie? Did you leave me a voicemail last night?"
Jeongin thinks back, he doesn't think so but Jisung is already pressing play on the voicemail with it on speaker function and all of a sudden he remembers every word he said and he needs to stop Jisung listening to it NOW. He rushes over and tries to grab at the phone but Jisung is knocking him away as it plays, blocking Jeongin from grabbing it with his back to him and then freezes as it plays Jeongin's slurring voice "And I just wanted to tell you that I have moved on too! I'm over you too! Which I'm sure you'll be happy about! We're even again! Anyway, bye!"
Jeongin walks away with his head in his hands "No, no, no, no!"
"You're over me?"
"No, no, no, no!"
"When were you UNDER me?!"
Jeongin has his back to Jisung but he knows that Jisung is staring him down, probably furious. He cringes as he turns slowly to deal with his mistake. Jisung is stood facing him, his phone gripped tightly in his hand, hair still a mess but he doesn't look furious, instead looks sad and confused.
Before Jeongin can get a word out Jisung says with a shaky voice "Y..y...you're over m..me? Do y..you think you're funny? I need you t...to get OUT" he shouts his last word and Jeongin flinches in place at the sudden volume change
"Can I just explain?"
"I think you better go Jeongin-ah" Changbin has silently joined the conversation and he makes his way over to Jisung "Think Hyunjin will be waiting for you at the cafe, Innie. It's probably best you go"
Jeongin nods and leaves the apartment, leaving Changbin to comfort a silent Jisung.
Jeongin doesn't turn left to meet Hyunjin at the cafe. Instead, he turns right to head home, only to realize, as he approaches his building, that he can't bring himself to face being there either
So he walks, head down and hat covering his face and he just walks and walks until he gets to an empty playground and sits himself down on a swing. His brain plays Jisung's face over and over like a gif. He has really fucked up.
Jeongin doesn't know what to do, he didn't even know that he felt anything for Jisung, just an annoying hyung who overstepped boundaries and then all of a sudden he's in love with him, but oh wait, no he isn't, he's fucking someone else and is in love with him now. Where exactly is Jeongin left in all that? He didn't think there was even a possibility of feeling like that about anyone in the group. He's just so fucking confused and what does that mean for the group? Will they make him leave? He's vocals but Jisung is everything, he's their ACE, he's a producer...he's Chan and Changbin's baby his brain helpfully supplies, he'll be lucky if they don't beat him to death with his own arms. Oh lord, Minho is going to forego the air fryer and launch him straight out of a window.
And he wouldn't even be able to defend himself! It was a stupid voicemail to leave Jisung—didn't tell him any of the feelings he has about the situation, the feelings that grow inside him like grass in the spring, poking through cracks in his heart, his heart that he had cemented off from his entire group, especially Jisung. A wall. One separating work from “real life.” A wall he started building that day in the practice room when he and Jisung were alone, and Jisung had been so sweet and helpful that Jeongin kissed him on the cheek as a thank you, just a naive little baby queer. And Jisung had squealed, loud and delighted, and told anyone who would listen And the following day, Chan had pulled everyone together and said he understood everyone was young and liable to make mistakes, but that dating was out of bounds and that a scandal would destroy the group. And he had almost been in tears but insisted he was ok, that he had waited so long for this chance and he just didn't want to mess it up with something silly. So Jeongin—a person prone to black and white thinking—had decided 'ok, this is work and that's the end of it'
Jeongin kicks at a stone by his feet as he swings half-heartedly back and forth, telling himself he needs to go apologize to Jisung. Then, start building his walls back up again. Leave Jisung and his boyfriend alone in peace. Maybe he could go back to “tomcatting around,” as Minho had once called his dating life.
It's just that moment that the heavens open, the rain pouring as though someone above spilled a bucket. Jeongin races back to his building and takes shelter in the small foyer before it becomes apparent that his coat is soaked through. So with a heavy heart, he trudges up the stairs, knows he has to get dry but dreading what he'll find when he gets there, will it be Changbin with a baseball bat or Lee Know with a meat cleaver.
He finds none of that, the dorm actually seems empty, he sags in relief while he removes his dripping coat, grateful it hasn't soaked through to his T-shirt
"I told them to leave us alone"
He closes his eyes, knows that sad voice. He doesn't go to where he knows the other man is, just gently responds "Ok, I guess we should talk"
Jisung lets out a humourless chuckle "You could say that"
Jeongin steels himself and walks around the front of the couch, finds Jisung there, curled up, his legs on the couch with his arms wrapped around. He couldn't have more closed off body language if he tried and it makes Jeongin ache. He doesn't know where to sit, he shouldn't stand but the armchair seems too far for a one to one conversation and next to him is too close. So he settles on the coffee table, stops himself reaching out to touch Jisung in some way before they begin talking, it isn't his place.
He starts where he needs to "I'm sorry, Hyung. I don't know why I left you that voicemail"
Jisung frowns cutely which makes Jeongin's heart clench so fiercely and all of a sudden his mouth starts spilling his thoughts out "It was so stupid of me, I honestly didn't mean it to hurt you. I was just so very drunk and this girl was all over me" the words aren't stopping, they're like a runaway train "and all I could think about was how she wasn't as pretty as you and then I thought about you with your boyfriend and how everyone kept telling me that you'd moved on and I was like, moved on from what? And then people said you were in love with me?" He laughs lightly "and I was so baffled because, well, that can't be true! but they all seemed to agree you had feelings for me" he frowns to himself "then I was even more confused and then I heard you saying all the things you love about this new guy and I was even more confused but I was with the girl who was pretty but wasn't as pretty as you and I kind of felt angry that you had moved on from feelings that you hadn't even told me about? Which I suppose I was hurt by" he pauses to look at Jisung to see if he understood his rambling
Jisung has shifted his legs slightly so he can see Jeongin more "Jeongin, do you have feelings for me?"
Jeongin laughs at that "Well, that hardly matters, BUT don't worry, I will get them back under control and I really promise I won't interfere in your relationship."
Jisung looks like he's trying to do a particularly difficult equation "No, I don't understand. YOU.." he points at Jeongin "have romantic feelings for ME?" He points back at himself
Jeongin shrugs "Bad timing, eh?"
Jisung stands up, almost knocking into Jeongin and then stands behind the couch looking down at him sitting on the coffee table "No no, I don't understand. Everyone told me that you don't even think of me as a friend?!"
"And that's what everyone told me about you, including YOU! I thought we'd been friends all this time and then was informed that nope, you were just in love with me, except not even that anymore, because you're in love with some other dude"
"Who told you I was in love with Matty?" Jisung asks, confusion written plainly on his face
Jeongin squirms at the name "I heard with my own two ears"
"And when exactly was this? Because I have never said that I love him"
Jeongin rolls his eyes "You were talking to Yongbok-ah, it was after the show at the tv centre, you were in the changing room and you were saying the things you love about him" Jeongin pulls a face "I had to walk away before I heard details"
Jisung laughs—hard. He doubles over, arms flailing as he keeps laughing, while Jeongin crosses his arms and scowls.
Jisung finally calms down enough to speak. “This is really awkward, but I was almost definitely talking about something stupid. Like...his dick.” He laughs again, covering his mouth with his hand as he watches it sink in for Jeongin. “He was never really my boyfriend. We were dating, kind of. Basically just...fuck buddies, I guess.” He shrugs. “He’d been flirting with me for ages. And then Chan told me he was worried that my moping over you, trying to get your attention, and just being clingy was starting to affect the group. Said I needed to pull it together and be professional. And Matty was there, so...yeah.” He gives another small shrug
Jeongin narrowed his eyes "So you haven't moved on from me?"
Jisung wrinkles his nose and shrugs again "Not really I guess, just don't really understand why you are suddenly saying that you have feelings. I've been here the whole time" he looks down at his feet "I thought I made it pretty clear that I liked you and you rejected me so many times that it became a group joke. So many times that Chan-Hyung told me I had to stop it"
"Honestly, I never even thought about anyone in the group as an option. And I assumed you were just trying to get your dick wet"
Jisung very obviously tries to smothers a smile. "Well I wasn't."
Jeongin stands up "So you're not in love with that guy?"
Jisung laughs "You know that it's been noticed you refuse to use his name"
"Pfft he's just a trainee, can't learn all their names"
Jisung shakes his head "You were a trainee once too, be nice"
"You expect me to be nice about the guy who is fucking the man I'm probably in love with? You can think again, Jisung-ah"
Jisung squints at him "You're in love with me?"
Jeongin shrugs "Maybe. Don't know how you've managed it"
"Were"
"What? were, what?"
"We were fucking. We’re not anymore"
Jeongin arches his eyebrow at Jisung "So you're...single?"
Jisung nods "100%"
"And you're in love with me?"
Jisung nods again
"And I'm probably a bit in love with you?"
Jisung shrugs, a smirk pulling at his lip
"Oh I'm absolutely, categorically in love with you, Han Jisung"
"Hyungs are going to kill us"
Jeongin snorts "Better that than the painful death I was expecting after I left your apartment earlier. I'm so sorry for making you feel so awful, Hyung, I didn't mean to."
Jisung hums "Changbin said that he would kill you and serve you with eggs. But he also suggested speaking to you to clear the air and invited your dorm there so we could be alone, so he's not all bad"
Jeongin walks around the couch to stand in front of Jisung "So...what happens next?"
Jisung puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs "I suppose it depends on what we decide to do"
"Well, what are our options?"
"Hmm I guess we could see where this goes, take it slowly, make sure we don't have any more misunderstandings"
Jeongin cocks his head to one side and steps a little closer "Or?"
"Or you could stop asking me so many questions and kiss me, because you said that you love me but I'm yet to act—" Jisung doesn't finish his sentence before Jeongin is pressing their lips together, he sucks Jisung's bottom lip into his mouth and nips it with his teeth, swallows up the moan that leaves Jisung's mouth and holds Jisung's face in his hands, runs his thumbs over the soft skin as they both melt into each other
By the time they pull away, they're both slightly panting and Jisung studies Jeongin's face before breaking into a gloating smile and prodding Jeongin square in the chest "I knewwwww it! I knew you wanted to kiss me! I knew it!"
Jeongin looks blankly at him in return "How long has it taken for your prediction to come true exactly? Hmm? How many years?"
Jisung pouts and whispers "A couple of years"
"So maybe we don't let it go to your head?"
Jisung reaches for Jeongin's hand that dangles by his side and says with a pout still very much present "Can we kiss some more though?"
2 months later
Jeongin tumbles into 3racha dorm in a rush
"Oh my beloved baby bread! You're here to visit me!" Changbin bellows from where he's sat on the couch, Hyunjin's head on his lap
Jeongin is toeing off his shoes, tugging at his scarf and shaking his head "Nope, definitely not"
"He can wait while we catch up surely?"
Jeongin walks across the living area pulling at his sweatshirt "Honestly Hyung, if you knew what he was doing while waiting for me, you'd know I don't have time for you" he glances over at his hyungs as he pulls his T-shirt off "I would suggest...noise-cancelling headphones" and with that he reaches for the door handle of Jisung's door
"You both disgust me!" Changbin calls across the room as Hyunjin cackles
But alas, Jeongin is already inside Jisung's bedroom. Which means that Hyunjin and Changbin needs to retreat to their own asap if the last two months are anything to go by.