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Ren was pacing back and forth in his room, trying to calm down his heart that was threatening to jump out of his chest. In an hour approximately, Aster would know of his feelings for him. This could lead to the best birthday he ever had, or to the worst. He wanted to cancel the release of his song, to tell that there was a technical problem that he had to take care of. That way, he would just change the lyrics and never confess. He knew he had to tell Aster about it, because keeping it for himself was only hurting him, but how was he supposed to keep on living if he was getting rejected? He was taking so many risks; he might lose a precious friend.
He considered cancelling the song one last time, but it was too late anyway: already, one of his friends was knocking on his dorm door, telling him that the party would start soon. Ren opened his door, somehow managing to hide his anxiousness, and greeted his friend Kyo Kaneko with a warm smile. He let him in while he finished prepping himself. He was dressed pretty nicely indeed, with a black shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and black jeans on some dressed shoes. Kyo was admiring him, as he would always do. He knew Ren didn’t feel the same way towards him, but that wouldn’t stop him from loving him dearly. He knew Ren was into Aster, and he didn’t blame him. Aster was boyfriend material through and through: smart, cute, caring, mature, attentive,... you know him. Aster could be everything you wanted him to be, a real shapeshifter if you asked him. Kyo would sometimes hate him for it, but then Aster was his friend too, he couldn’t bring himself to truly despise him even if he wanted to. He had accepted it, accepted that unrequited love, accepted that Ren was the one and only for him, but that he wasn’t the one for Ren.
The birthday boy was ready to leave. He looked at himself in the mirror, combed his hair one last time, took a deep breath, and told Kyo they could go. That latter got up from Ren’s bed. “You seem stressed, man. You good?” He asked, because that was the first time he was seeing Ren shaking and having to control his breathing like that before a song. Hell he had never seen him like that before anything.
“Yeah!”, Ren replied, smiling, and laughing awkwardly. “Yeah, I just hope people will love my song. It’s different from what I usually sing.” He explained, looking at Kyo who was walking beside him as they were heading to the cafeteria where the party was to be held. Kyo nodded, though it was visible he didn’t believe him. He could feel that Ren was lying to him, in some way or another. It didn’t feel like he was fully honest to him.
When they entered the room, everyone present broke into a chant of “Happy Birthday to you” and clapped at the end of the song. Aia Amare, one of their closest friend, came up to them with a cake decorated with candles, and was followed by the rest of their group of friends: Scarle Yonaguni, Maria Marionette, and the one and only Aster Arcadia. They were all smiling widely at him, wishing him a happy birthday once more. He thanked them and blew the candles with a laugh. He had an hour to relax and forget about his song. One hour. He could do it. He had to.
They sat down together at a table, and shared the birthday cake while the rest of the students would have to be contented with the other snacks that were to be found on the other tables. But everyone was fine with that, it was the way things were at the Institute of the Mystics. “Please,” started Ren, “tell me it was not Scarle nor Kyo who baked the cake.”
Both broke into a fit of screams, making everyone laugh. They would argue that their baking skills weren’t all that bad, that if they really tried, it would work. Obviously, no one believed them. Ren reached for Kyo and patted his head with a laugh, telling him it was okay to not be able to bake, that he wasn’t judging. Kyo slapped his hand away, crossed his arms and playfully pouted.
After that, Maria asked him what his song was about, since he had said it was different from the usual. And Ren’s face turned so red they all thought he was getting sick because of the cake. He coughed, drank large gulps of water, and tried to steady his voice when answering: “You’ll see soon enough. I’m sure you can wait.” Which didn’t really reassure anyone around the table. They looked at him worriedly and no one talked anymore. Ren, seeing those reactions, knew he had to say something else. But seeing as time was passing strangely rapidly, he excused himself and said he wanted to talk to some other students as well. They nodded at him, and he got up. His plan was to get as far away from Aster as possible.
He reached the other side of the room when all the lights turned off, and a screen descended from the ceiling. They were projecting his song. It was starting. And just when it started, he ran out of the cafeteria. It was too much for him to take. He couldn’t bring himself to listen to his own song in front of everyone else. And he had to make sure no one would be able to find him. He ran in the park that was around the Institute, and headed to some secret spot he was pretty sure he was the only one that knew about. He hid there, hiding his face in his hands. He hated himself for releasing such an embarrassing song. And on his birthday! When did he ever think it would be a great idea? He could feel some warm tears fall from his eyes, and hastily wiped them away. Even if no one could see him, he didn’t want to cry for something so stupid. He knew Aster would never talk to him anymore after this. He had been avoiding his gaze ever since he had entered the cafeteria earlier. He couldn’t bring himself to look at him. Because he knew what was coming. So much for being romantic… He had written a love song for the man he loved and couldn’t even stay present in case the answer was positive.
It would have been the perfect film scene: Aster would have heard the song, the lyrics, his name being sang, the whole confession that was made. He would have started to tear up and ran to Ren. They would have kissed while everyone would have clapped, cheering them up.
But that’s not how things were now, because they were not in some cheesy film. It was real life, and Ren was hiding in shame while Aster was tearing up in the cafeteria, running around everywhere to find the alien boy. Ren didn’t know that the cafeteria was in a mess at that moment. Lots of students were crying, some because of how beautiful the song was, some because it broke their heart to hear the man they liked sing his love for someone else, some because the man they liked would soon be taken by someone else, and some because seeing others crying made them cry. Aster was asking them all if they had seen Ren, he didn’t care if they cried, if they were looking at him with hate-filled eyes or if they were congratulating him. All he cared about was to find him and talk to him. All he cared about was Ren. And all that was going on in his head was his name, and the lyrics of the song.
At the table where they were all sat, however, things were awkward to say the least. The girls were left alone, seeing as Aster had left in a hurry right at the end of the song, and that Kyo had just magically disappeared half-way through it. They weren’t crying, even though they did find the song beautiful. But they didn’t know how to react and who’s side to take on. They knew about Ren’s feelings for Aster, and about Kyo’s and Aster’s feelings for the alien boy. They were, until then, rooting for the three boys, but now they knew that Kyo would be hurting a whole lot while the two others would live their own romance. They couldn’t blame any of them, however.
“We need to look for Kyo.”, Scarle stated. “He is all alone. Aster and Ren will find each other eventually. But Kyo isn’t looking for anyone, and no one is looking for him.” She finished. The two other girls knew that she was right, and so they got up and started their search of the school buildings.
What they didn’t know, was that, when they got up, Kyo was face to face with Ren. It turned out that they both knew about the place but didn’t know someone else knew about it. Well, that was awkward. When Kyo appeared, Ren looked up, scared for his life, as he didn’t want anyone to see him in that moment. However, when he saw that it was Kyo, he felt a little bit more at ease. Only for a second.
Tears started to fall almost instantly on his soft cheeks the moment he saw Ren. He wanted to get away from his voice singing to someone else, and he ended up getting closer to the man himself. He stood there, completely frozen, not making any move to get away. He was exhausted, he couldn’t bring himself to run back or do anything. And so he stayed standing there in front of Ren, tears streaming down his face, silent sobs escaping his mouth. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to stop himself from shaking, but to no avail.
Ren was shocked to see his friend in such a state. Hell, he had never seen him like that! However, when he made a movement to hold him in his arms, to ask him to talk to him, he got shoved away back on the ground. Kyo fell down on his knees, and started to weakly punch Ren’s chest, ugly-crying, and screaming, or at least he tried to, as his voice kept getting stuck in his throat. “Ren! You fucking dumbass! Why did you do that? Why? Why sing for Aster? Why is it always him? Why couldn’t it be me? Am I not enough? Cool enough? Pretty enough? Kind enough? Why is everyone always choosing Aster? Why am I always the side character? Can I be number one for someone? Doesn’t anyone care?” By the end of his fit, he was just crying, his head on Ren’s chest. It would almost look like he was sleeping if it wasn’t for the sobs that was clearly audible and Ren’s expression. That latter had finally given up on holding back his tears. He was crying silently and, once he saw that Kyo had calmed down, he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s waist and apologised continuously to him in a whisper.
They stayed like that for quite a while, but none of them dared to move, as it became soon comfortable and silent. At some point Ren thought that Kyo had fallen asleep, but the boy was just appreciating this moment, knowing that it would be his last chance to be in Ren’s arms. He had seen Aster’s face when he understood that the song was destined to him. He knew Aster would be saying yes to Ren. He needed to be truthful about his own feelings too, now.
When he finally moved away from Ren, pushing himself off of him, he sat down on the other side of the small place. It wasn’t big, just some hole in a tree trunk, but it was big enough for them both to sit comfortably without touching each other. Kyo sniffled softly, then, without daring to look at Ren, started a new speech, but this time it was much calmer and understandable: “Ren. I know you just confessed to Aster. But please, allow me to say this. I need you to at least know. You don’t need to return the feelings, I promise, but please hear me out. And then we can just forget this ever happened between us, okay?” He waited for a nod from the alien, then continued: “I’ve liked you for so long, Ren. Since the beginning. But you fell for Aster. And I thought I had accepted it. I thought I was at peace with the thought of you being with him. I thought that I was fine with just staying at the back of the painting. You know, I thought I would be fine to even become the godfather of your children if that was all I could get. I thought that as long as you would still want me around, I would be fine. But now I know I was wrong. I won’t be fine if I can’t have you. But I’ll have to learn to bear with it, now. I never thought you would confess like that. And so soon…”
Thinking that Kyo was done, Ren started to talk, to apologise again, but he was cut off by Kyo: “Please, don’t apologise. You didn’t do anything wrong. We don’t choose who we fall for. I hope you’ll be happy, together. You are both incredible persons, and you’ll have an incredible family.” He got up, wiping off some dust on his jeans, then said: “Don’t forget to make me your child’s godfather, okay?” and left. He didn’t want to hear Ren talk, he just wanted to head back in his room and cry one last time, before learning how to live again, before trying to erase his feelings for Ren.
Outside, Ren was having confused feelings. He didn’t know how he felt anymore. He had been apologising, but for what? He loved Kyo dearly, probably more than he himself knew. He started to question the form of his feelings for Kyo. Was it really just friendship? He didn’t want Kyo to be the godfather’s of his children, it didn’t feel right. He got up, ready to catch up with him, and ran.
However, half-way through the park, on the path leading to the Institute building, he saw Kyo and Aster. Kyo was standing frozen, hands in his pockets, letting the wind mess up his hair, while Aster was standing just as still, a constant flow of tears falling onto his face. They were both looking at each other’s eyes in silence. None knew what to say. Aster knew of Kyo’s feelings, but he didn’t know whether Ren felt the same way towards him. He had hoped that Ren had fallen for Kyo, because he prized his friendship more than anything. But now that it wasn’t the case, he felt bad. Why couldn’t Ren fall for both of them? Polyamorous relationships are valid. They could be happy all three of them. He wished it was the case. Because he loved the two boys just as much.
Ren caught up to them, and they turned around to look at him. Kyo drew in a shaky breath, trying to steady himself. Aster’s eyes widened upon seeing the two boys interaction and noticing that Ren had come from the same way as Kyo.
“Hey, guys, maybe we should talk, right?” he asked in a soft voice, grabbing both of their hands. Both looked at him and nodded, avoiding each other’s gaze. They walked hand in hand towards a bench and sat down. Ren was in the middle, Kyo on his left and Aster on his right. “Were you two together, just now?”, Aster asked, still keeping a soft voice as he was completely aware of the state they were both in. Don’t get it wrong, he was feeling lots of things too at that moment, but he cared so much more for the two boys. They nodded in response to his question, and he understood that they wouldn’t talk if they could avoid it. He chose his next question carefully, making sure they would have to talk if they wanted to answer. And Jesus Christ was he hoping they would respond and cooperate. “What did you guys talk about?” and he didn’t get an answer. Both boys were staring at their shoes, not moving a single muscle. He felt defeated, and just asked bluntly: “Kyo, did you tell Ren about your feelings for him?” He was pretty sure that it was what had happened and knew it would make them react.
And it did. Kyo’s head snapped in the air, and he looked wide-eyed at Aster. “You knew?” he asked him. Aster nodded with a small smile and asked him what Ren had said. He had managed to get some reaction from Kyo, so he would keep on trying to make Ren react by talking to Kyo. But he had to be careful. “I didn’t really let him time to talk. I kind of blurted everything out, cried, screamed, hit him, then left.” He felt ashamed of himself, he hated the way he had treated Ren just then. But it had gotten the worst out of him. He was mad, sad, exhausted. It was the only way he was able to express himself. He couldn’t have reacted differently in that moment. There was no way he would have managed to stay calm.
Aster, however, didn’t think Kyo would have reacted like that, and was kind of shocked upon hearing those words from Kyo’s mouth. He didn’t think the smaller boy would have this kind of reaction regarding his feelings. “But then, you’ve never let Ren tell you about how he feels.” He said, looking at Kyo. What he wasn’t expecting either was to get any reaction out of Ren. He had suddenly looked up at Aster, then at Kyo, and kept looking back and forth between the two. His face was growing redder by the second. Kyo was looking at Ren in confusion. He couldn’t understand why Ren was reacting that way, since he hadn’t said anything more that “sorry” earlier. But then, he hadn’t let him talk much, and had barely looked at him.
Ren stood up from the bench and turned to look at them both. He took a deep breath and said: “I like you both. What am I supposed to do?” and he looked miserable, genuinely lost and confused. He had no idea how it was possible, but he wanted to be with them both. He wanted to share his life with them both. “I had no idea before Kyo came and confessed to me, but I like you both and I can’t do anything about that. I’ll write a song for you too, Kyo, if I have to, to prove you my feelings. I’ll do anything in my power.”
Aster and Kyo looked at each other, then Aster stood up from the bench too. “I like you both too. If anything, I was hoping that you would end up together, because at least you would both be happy. I was fully prepared mentally to seeing that happen.” He was talking in a soft and calm voice still, speaking truthfully. He had nothing to lose anymore. If Kyo loved them both too, the issues would no longer be an issue. If Kyo loved them both too, they would all be happy, without any of them having to give up on their feelings.
Kyo just started to tear up softly once more, burying his face in his hands, elbows on his knees. However, this time, it wasn’t sad tears. Not that the two others knew that, so they both kneeled down, each putting a hand on one of his knees. Ren and Aster were both struggling to calm their heartbeat down, as it felt like it would explode at anytime. Ren started to pat Kyo’s head and hummed softly one of his old songs, Kyo’s favourite one. Aster knew it was his favourite too, and joined Ren on the humming, rubbing Kyo’s knee with his hand, forming slow circles. They were both trying to sooth him, to help him calm down, and try to avoid a panic attack.
The small boy finally looked up at them and smiled. Before he could wipe his tears away, both boys were wiping them for him, each taking care of one side. Kyo blushed slightly, and that was probably the cutest thing they had ever seen. He didn’t know how to tell them, how to say things. Instead, he grabbed Ren’s face in between his hands, and kissed him softly on the lips. He then did the same with Aster. Just for good measure, Aster and Ren kissed each other just after. They spent the rest of the day on that bench outside, talking together comfortably. They were happy just like that.
And the girls were fangirling at one of the window, watching them having their moment, but the boys didn’t need to know that.
~La fin~