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Matthew is acting weird.
Ever since he ran away from him in the hallway last night, Hanbin hasn’t been able to catch him. Usually, Matthew would come hang out in his room for a bit before curfew hit, but there wasn’t even a knock at his door last night. Hanbin doesn’t know what’s up. He knows this might be overreacting, but it’s weird.
Any time Matthew has been anxious about something, it’s Hanbin he seeks out, Hanbin who gives him advice and reassurance. But even when he saw Matthew at breakfast this morning, he had barely even looked at him, following Zhang Hao out of the dining area without meeting Hanbin’s gaze.
Zhang Hao gave him a smile that could probably be called mischievous, but that’s normal. He looked good, still in his casual clothes. Hanbin forced a confused smile back.
Now they’re stuck in practice all day, Matthew so close but barely out of reach, busy as they go through the steps again and again and again. Hanbin usually lives for this, usually loves when he goes through the motions of perfecting a choreo, but currently his brain is only stuck on Matthew.
He finally gets a chance to corner him when they take a 15 minute break, following Matthew as he heads for his water bottle in the corner. He waits for him to take a sip, watching him slide to the floor with his back against the wall, wiping sweat from his forehead. Hanbin nudges his ankle with his foot.
Matthew startles, looking up at Hanbin standing over him through his damp bangs.
“Hyung!” he says, a bit too quick. His face is flushed, but he clears his throat, smiling up at Hanbin with all his teeth on display. “Hi. I didn’t notice you came over here.”
Hanbin’s eyes soften as he grins back at him. He nudges Matthew again so he scoots over, dropping to sit next to him and knock their shoulders together.
“I haven’t seen you much today,” Hanbin says, hoping he doesn’t sound too dejected. He’s not sure if he succeeds but hopefully Matthew doesn’t notice. He knocks at his shoulder again, trying to be casual. “Or last night, for that matter. Thought I’d come say hi.”
Matthew laughs, a little too loudly and a little too awkwardly. He rubs at his shoulder, shifting his shirt collar. “Oh, ha— weird hyung, guess I’ve just been busy—”
But Hanbin doesn’t even hear what he says, instead zeroing in on the deep red bruise that peeks out from Matthew's collar when pulls at it. The rest of the noise in the room drowns out to a faint buzz in his ear, and he can’t focus on anything else.
Matthew has a hickey.
Matthew has a hickey.
Hanbin isn’t really sure what he can or should focus on first. Matthew has a hickey. Matthew kissed someone? Someone kissed Matthew?
Matthew.
His—
No. Back to the subject at hand.
It’s like — Hanbin knows that Matthew has probably kissed someone before. Not that they’ve ever talked about it. It’s just an area of conversation that never comes up between the two of them. It’s not like Hanbin hasn’t ever kissed someone before, hooked up and crept back to his apartment with his clothes in hand early the next morning, lips bruised and ass sore. But hhe and Matthew have never exactly…discussed any of that. He didn’t even realize Matthew might be into guys, they’ve never talked about it. He just assumed—
It’s not like Hanbin is blind. He knows Matthew is cute, attractive, who wouldn’t want to kiss him? They’d be stupid not to. But seeing it so stark, bold, laid out in front of him…and why would Matthew be avoiding him like this? Did he not want Hanbin to know? He thinks he should be hurt by this, maybe, but Hanbin still can’t process the fact that Matthew kissed someone. Someone here. Did they do more than kiss?
Is Matthew’s neck sensitive?
Hanbin blinks, face getting hot. He shouldn’t even be thinking about this. Why is he thinking about this?
Matthew is looking at him expectantly. Hanbin doesn’t even remember what they were talking about. He coughs, making an aborted gesture to the mark on Matthew’s neck.
“Um— you might wanna, y’know, make sure uh. That’s covered,” Hanbin chokes out, looking away from Matthew to look anywhere else. The wall is a good choice.
Matthew blinks at him, tilting his head slightly, brows furrowed.
“Huh?” He tries to look down to where Hanbin gestured to, craning his neck to see. Immediately, his eyes go wide and he jolts, blush instantly taking over his face as he scrambles to pull his collar back up and cover the mark. “Oh my god.”
He and Hanbin stare at each other, neither sure what to say next. Hanbin has never felt more unsure around him. It’s a new feeling.
“Don’t— ” Hanbin starts, just as Matthew is also going “Hyung, I’m sor—”
They stop, talking over each other. Hanbin gestures at Matthew to continue.
“I mean, thanks for…letting me know. Um. I didn’t realize it would show, I probably should’ve been more careful.” Matthew stares at his lap
Hanbin laughs awkwardly. This whole thing is awkward and he doesn’t even know why. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, so he awkwardly pats Matthew on the shoulder.
“It’s all good, ha, I mean, um. Whoever did that is the one who should’ve been more careful, probably,” Hanbin says, hoping it comes out as reassuring. Matthew gives him a sheepish smile.
“Yeah, haha, you’re right, I’ll let him know next time,” Matthew giggles a little bit, eyes sparkling.
Next time. So this is— it’s a thing. Good for Matthew. And some other boy. A boy that Hanbin probably knows.
Hanbin shakes his head out a little, wrapping an arm around Matthew’s shoulders and pulling him into him so he falls a bit onto his lap. Matthew just laughs, going along with the movement, tension finally broken as he’s brought into Hanbin’s orbit. He rests the back of his head on Hanbin's thigh, smiling up at him.
“It’s um,” Matthew pauses, biting his lip. “I mean, I know you didn’t ask, but you should know, since, you know, you’re my best friend, and. It’s Zhang Hao, by the way.”
Hanbin blinks. The room feels too hot all of the sudden.
“Oh. Um, cool!” He puts on his most normal smile on his face and thinks Matthew believes it with the way he relaxes back into his lap.
Hanbin’s heart feels like it’s beating double time right now. It’s both too hot and like he got a bucket of ice water poured over him. Zhang Hao. Okay. That’s — that’s okay. It makes sense, if he thinks about it. Zhang Hao is…well Zhang Hao is Zhang Hao. Anyone with eyes could understand that.
Hanbin can’t deny that he doesn’t get a little breathless when he has to ever-so-slightly tilt his chin up to look at him. And it’s not like he hasn’t stared at his thighs during dance practice, especially when he’s worn that one pair of shorts—
Again, he’s not dumb.
So that’s fine. It makes sense. Hanbin and Zhang Hao are friends and Hanbin and Matthew are friends and Zhang Hao and Matthew are…kissing. Or something.
Hanbin gets it. He’s fine with it.
Everything is good.
✨✨✨
“Hao hyung!” Hanbin calls down the hall, jogging a bit to catch him. Zhang Hao twists his body around, looking expectantly at Hanbin with a small smile on his face.
“Hi+,” Zhang Hao says, extending the sound. Hanbin comes to a stop in front of him, leaning against the hallway wall. Zhang Hao raises an eyebrow at him when Hanbin falters to say anything.
Hanbin clears his throat, trying to stay casual, tugging at a strand of Zhang Hao’s hair.
“So,” he starts, trailing off. Zhang Hao pokes his cheek in response.
“So.”
Hanbin didn’t plan this out very well in his head. He’s not even sure why he’s going to Zhang Hao about it, really. Just that Matthew is his best friend and he cares about him and his emotional wellbeing, or whatever. Hanbin averts his eyes, choosing to once again focus on the wall next to him instead. It’s a very boring shade of white.
“So, um. You and Matthew?” he asks. It’s phrased like a question even though both of them know it’s not really a question. Zhang Hao smirks, eye’s shifting. His hands mess with the hem of Hanbin’s shirt.
“Oh yeah, me and Matthew,” Zhang Hao says, casually, like Hanbin isn’t currently having a small crisis right now. He doesn’t provide any further clarification and Hanbin wants to bash his head into the wall than have to lead this conversation any more.
“So are you guys…dating…?” Hanbin asks, trying not to stutter over the word “dating”. Zhang Hao just laughs, eyes sparkling. He tilts his head as he does and Hanbin feels small.
“Oh, dating? No, no, we’re definitely not dating—” Hanbin internally breathes out a sigh of relief at that. Okay, that’s good, just some casual making out between friends, nothing he hasn’t done himself before—
“-I’m just teaching him how to suck dick,” Zhang Hao finishes, like it’s nothing, like Hanbin’s world doesn’t immediately come to a stop. He’s not exactly sure what his face is doing right now, he can’t really think—
Well. That’s…Zhang Hao is teaching him. Matthew hadn’t before? At all? And why Zhang Hao? Why not —
Images of the two of them in Matthew’s bed, no clo—
Hanbin blinks, coming back to himself, stopping that train of thought immediately. Zhang Hao is watching him go through the motions, biting his lip like he’s trying to hold back a laugh.
“Why do you ask?” Zhang Hao asks, eyes wide. He’s looking at Hanbin expectantly. Hanbin, who is furiously trying to stop picturing Matthew on his knees. Zhang Hao on his knees. Him on his knees. Both of them looming over him.
His cheeks heat up and he can feel himself chubbing up in his pants. Fuck. He silently begs his boner to stop, immediately, before the situation becomes dire.
“No, uh. Reason. Just — he’s my best friend, obviously,” Hanbin tries, forcing the words out. Zhang Hao just lets out a small sound under his breath, eyebrows raising.
“Your best friend is a good learner,” Zhang Hao says, voice light. Hanbin wants the ground to swallow him whole. “Oh shit, I gotta go though, I promised Keita I’d meet him and go over some choreo. I’ll see you later, yeah?”
Zhang Hao brushes his hand along Hanbin’s waist before he’s turning away, Hanbin belatedly giving him a little wave as he rounds the corner and leaves his sight.
Hanbin sighs to himself, knocking his head against the wall.
Fuck.
✨✨✨
Okay, so Hanbin jerks off in the showers after that. Unfortunately afterwards, he’s left with a gaping emptiness in his chest and all he wants to do is bury himself in his bed under his blankets until the feeling goes away. He doesn’t know why he feels so bad about the whole situation. They’re both very attractive people. Anyone would get a little worked up thinking about them together, it’s only normal.
He just doesn’t know why he feels so bad about it.
Instead he has to shake it off, plastering a smile on his face as he meets up with the rest of the Love Me Right team for dinner together in the dining area. He spots Zhang Hao and Matthew sitting at a table nearby, Matthew giving him an excited little wave, bright smile taking over his face. They’re sitting close together, Matthew practically on Zhang Hao’s lap on the bench.
Hanbin doesn’t think there’s a reason for them to be sitting so close, there’s plenty of space around them. His grip tightens on his chopsticks.
He still gives a smile back, not being able to stop himself when it comes to Matthew, no matter what he’s dealing with personally. Zhang Hao also notices him then, nodding in his direction, wrapping an arm around Matthew's waist and making his face scrunch up in a laugh. Hanbin looks away, moving to sit in the space between Hwitaek and Gyuvin on the bench, trying not to sigh.
Hwitaek notices, because of course he does, making an inquisitive noise, hand coming to rub at Hanbin’s thigh.
“You good?” he asks quietly, because Hwitaek is a good hyung, but Hanbin doesn’t even know what to say to him right now. How can he make ‘not really, my best friend is hooking up with someone who I am also friends with, who is very talented and also really hot, and I can’t stop myself from thinking about it, from thinking about them, together, and it’s making my brain a complete mess, and I don’t know what to do about it’ sound fine? No matter how he plays that in his mind it doesn’t sound any better.
So, instead he lies through his teeth, not wanting anyone to worry about him.
“Yeah hyung, just tired from practice is all,” he says, sending Hwitaek a soft smile, trying to look as convincing as possible. Hwitaek frowns at him, clearly not believing him. He looks around, knowing that it’s not the correct time to talk about anything though. He gives Hanbin a look that says we will talk about this later, patting him on his leg before he’s pulled back into conversation with Yedam on his other side.
Hanbin glances back at Zhang Hao and Matthew’s table, watching Matthew giggle at something Zhang Hao says, ducking his head to his shoulder, and feels the emptiness in his chest grow just a little bit bigger.
✨✨✨
Later is apparently now, after they’ve all finished eating and everyone is heading back to the dorms. Instead of going back to theirs, Hwitaek drags him into the laundry room, making sure it’s not currently occupied, and locks the door behind him.
He makes Hanbin sit on the floor with him, backs against the wall. He takes his hand in his, lacing their fingers together.
“Okay, what’s going on? I haven’t seen you like this during the competition, so far,” Hwitaek asks him, voice soft. Hanbin knows what he’s referring to, remembers the times Hwitaek had found him back at Cube, trying to hold back tears as the trainee days had gotten to him.
He had always comforted him then, too.
Hanbin swallows, staring at the ceiling. The fluorescent lights burn his eyes, just a bit.
“It’s Matthew,” Hanbin says. Hwitaek makes a questioning noise.
“What about Matthew, did something happen with him? Are you guys fighting?” he asks. Hanbin shakes his head immediately.
“No, no, nothing like that, we’re fine. I mean. He’s fine, I don’t know about — well, me, I guess,” Hanbin says, trying to word this correctly. He still can’t figure out everything swirling in his head right now. Hwitaek frowns at him, considering.
“Have you tried talking to him about any of this? You know a healthy relationship is all about communication —” Hwitaek says, but Hanbin’s eyes go wide.
“Relationship?” he croaks out, staring wildly at him. Hwitaek stops talking then, mouth dropping open.
“Um — sorry, are you guys not…” Hwitaek trails off, voice unsure now. Hanbin is lost.
“We aren’t. We aren’t in a, uh, relationship. He’s my best friend,” Hanbin says, voice cracking. Hwitaek looks sheepish, squeezing Hanbin’s hand.
“Sorry, I just always assumed — I mean, even back at Cube, I always figured that you two were together,” Hwitaek tries explaining, hesitancy in his voice. Hanbin feels frozen still, the room closing in on him.
Him and Matthew.
In a relationship.
Together.
Oh.
“Sorry, Hanbinnie,” Hwitaek apologizes again. He looks worried about Hanbin, which is probably warranted as Hanbin feels light headed, his ears ringing.
“I think I have feelings for Matthew.” Hanbin chokes on the words.
“Okay,” Hwitaek says, soothingly. “Okay, and that’s…a bad thing?”
“He’s — he’s hooking up with Zhang Hao,” Hanbin says, feeling like a knife is stabbing him in between his ribs. The pieces are coming together, the fog feels like it’s finally lifting from his head. Hwitaek hums in response, letting him gather his thoughts together, thumb running soothing circles on the back of his hand.
“And I’m…jealous of Zhang Hao. But,” Hanbin says, picturing them together again. The knife stabs deeper. “I think I might also be jealous of Matthew.”
Hwitaek’s eyebrows raise but he doesn’t say anything yet. Hanbin feels both complete clarity and more confused than he has been yet.
Realizing he has feelings for Matthew feels like he’s coming up for air.
Realizing he might also have feelings for Zhang Hao feels like he then got punched in the chest.
He knew there was attraction to Zhang Hao at a base level, knew that he liked him as a friend, that they got along and liked spending time together. But he never thought…
“Hanbin, it’s going to be okay,” Hwitaek says, bringing him back to the present. Hanbin realizes his breathing has gone heavy, eyes burning. How embarrassing. “Figuring things out like that takes time.”
Hanbin nods, not really sure what he’s agreeing with. He shrinks down, so he can lay his head on Hwitaek’s shoulder. It’s much harder to do now than when he was younger and shorter and Hwitaek seemed almost unreachable to him.
“Navigating your feelings is never easy,” Hwitaek hums, releasing the hold he has on Hanbin’s hand to instead wrap around his shoulders, petting his hair. “I’ve been there, trust me.”
Hanbin groans, curling in Hwitaek’s side. “Hyung, what do I do?”
“I mean, you’re not going to like what I’m going to say,” Hwitaek laughs, wryly. “But I would suggest talking to Matthew.”
Hanbin is sitting up and shaking his head before Hwitaek is even finished. “No, I’m not — he seems happy right now. With Zhang Hao. I don’t want to get in the middle of that.”
Hwitaek’s gaze softens.
“Hanbin, you deserve to be happy too,” he says.
✨✨✨
They don’t get much more talking done after that, because Hanbin starts crying, and then he’s too drained afterwards to continue on. Hwitaek helps him wipe off his face in the bathroom, squeezing his hand tight before they head back to their dorm.
Hanbin tries to push that conversation out of his mind, let the realizations sit deep in his chest, shoving them out of the way. He can’t be distracted by them right now, needing to focus on the first round of performances instead.
The next couple days pass in a blur, everyone else stressing out just as badly, spending every spare second they can practicing.
Hanbin is confident in his team, feeling good about their chances. It’s exhilarating, the thought of getting to perform on stage again, the whole crowd cheering in front of them. He lets that be the feeling that powers him through the days, trying his hardest to not think about Matthew and Zhang Hao.
Which — isn’t the easiest, especially with how often all of them hang out, most of his free time spent with the both of them. Luckily, there’s usually a steady flow of other boys in and out of whoevers room they’re in at the time, saving Hanbin from himself.
They’re in Matthew, Zhang Hao, and Keita’s room right now, too wired to try and go to sleep for the night. Everyone’s sprawled about, having broken off into miniature conversations throughout. Hanbin’s sitting against the wall, casually listening in on whatever Keita, Hiroto, and Haruto are talking about right now, despite the fact they keep switching between Korean and Japanese. Matthew is leaning against his side, messing with his fingers as he zones out, Zhang Hao sprawled out on his bed talking to Gyuvin.
It’s nice, right now, the feeling of Matthew against him, a steady weight on his side. He doesn’t have to think about much else, letting the sounds of the room tune out around him.
Well, until he hears Keita say Matthew’s name, and he peeks an eye open that he didn’t even realize he closed. He feels Matthew shift against him, cheek smushed against Hanbin’s shoulder as he turns to look at Keita.
“Hey, what about me?” Matthew interrupts them, frowning. “You can’t just talk about me when you know I don’t know what you’re saying.”
Keita rolls his eyes, switching back to Korean. “I was just talking about how I would be sleeping better if it weren’t for someone. Or two someone’s, I should say.”
He feels Matthew freeze, letting out an awkward laugh. He rubs at his neck with one of his hands, moving to lean back against the wall, tucking his knees to his chest. The space between them now feels wide, even though they’re still shoulder to shoulder. Hanbin’s side feels cold already.
“Oh…yeah…sorry, hyung…” he apologizes sheepishly, trailing off. Zhang Hao has moved his attention to their conversation now instead, and Hanbin sees him smirk to himself. He feels that pit in his chest reopen, distracting himself by linking his pinky with Matthew’s. The touch both grounds him and makes him feel worse at the same time.
Matthew’s collar of his sweatshirt slips slightly off his shoulder and Hanbin is distracted by it. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Matthew wear that before, which is rare since they all only brought in one piece of luggage this round. At this point, everyone’s started to rewear things, stuck with these clothes until they go back home on break. It does look familiar though, and he wracks his brain to think of why —
Oh. It’s because it’s the sweatshirt Zhang Hao has been bringing to practice, layered under his puffer whenever he gets cold. That would explain why it’s so much bigger on Matthew, sleeves bunched up at his wrists that he keeps having to push up. It makes him look small, especially like this, tucked up against the wall at Hanbin’s side.
Now that he realizes, he can detect the faint hint of Zhang Hao’s cologne on Matthew, seeped into the sweatshirt, woody and fresh. He breathes in deep, letting it wash over him, before dropping Matthew’s hand and standing up, stretching out his legs. Matthew makes a questioning noise, looking up at him, and Hanbin tries to look anywhere other than the smooth skin of his chest he can see when the collar drops low.
“Think I’m going to head back for the night,” he says, lamely. Matthew looks sad to see him go, pouting a little bit.
“Oh…okay hyung, I’ll see you in the morning then,” Matthew says, as everyone else acknowledges him with a nod. Zhang Hao watches them both from his bed, making eye contact with Hanbin and blowing him a kiss as he leaves. Hanbin darts out of the room, confusing emotions swirling all around him once again.
He frowns at himself as he makes his way down the hall. Get a fucking grip, he tries to tell himself in his head, to no avail, the image of Matthew in Zhang Hao’s sweatshirt the only thing he can see, Keita’s comment about not getting any sleep the only thing he can hear. Zhang Hao in his bed. Matthew in Zhang Hao’s bed, late at night, everyone else asleep, trying to be quiet, wearing only the sweatshirt that he can see Zhang Hao’s hands pushing up his thighs…
Hanbin groans, feeling sad and pathetic and horny as he gets back to his room, slipping into his bed. Alone.
✨✨✨
Hanbin thinks that maybe trying to spend less time with both of them might be his best option. Or at least just Zhang Hao, maybe it’s just a proximity thing.
The issue with that though is that he can’t escape him. Wherever he goes, Zhang Hao seems to already be there. And Zhang Hao is…he’s magnetic, in a way that Hanbin can’t exactly avoid when they’re in the same room together. He has something like a gravitational pull around him that always drags Hanbin in.
Not only that but he’s so — touchy. It’s starting to drive Hanbin a little bit insane. He wonders if he touches Matthew this much, too, when it’s just them. Is Matthew this touchy with him back?
“Stop thinking so much, I’m trying to sleep,” Zhang Hao grumbles from where he’s laying on his shoulder. His hand comes up to swat at Hanbin’s face in annoyance. His legs are thrown over Hanbin’s, practically in his lap, and he shifts trying to get into a more comfortable position.
They’re in one of the practice rooms, a few others milling about trying last minute to make sure they nail down their choreography for the upcoming performance. Hanbin had just sat down to take a break when Zhang Hao had dropped himself on top of him, claiming a nap.
“Ah, sorry hyung,” Hanbin says, awkwardly. He can’t do much, being used as Zhang Hao’s pillow like this. He’s unsure how long Zhang Hao wants to take a nap for, but he feels bad moving him, so he resigns to stay still where they’re at.
Zhang Hao’s hair tickles under his chin, soft against Hanbin’s skin. He has an arm draped lightly around his back, helping to hold Zhang Hao to him, keep him upright. Hanbin can feel the heat of his body through the thin fabric of his practice shirt, burning against his palm. He stares down at him, Zhang Hao looking so comfortable like this. Softer.
Hanbin sinks into it, figuring he might as well relax for a minute himself. He leans his head back against the wall, letting his eyelids shut. He lets the noise of the room drown out, focusing only on the soft sounds of Zhang Hao’s steady breathing, until they’re synced up, chests rising and falling in tandem.
It’s nice.
“Hey,” Zhang Hao murmurs suddenly, breath ghosting along Hanbin’s neck. Hanbin stiffens in response, shiver running through his whole body. Zhang Hao shifts, his nose brushing against the same spot.
“Y-yeah?” Hanbin says, voice cracking. He winces internally.
Zhang Hao finally, finally moves, putting space between them as he sits up and stretches his arms above him. He groans when his back cracks and Hanbin tries so hard not to focus on it, on the way his mouth forms a little o around the noise, his eyes fluttering shut.
He fails.
“Hmm,” Zhang Hao hums, cracking an eye open at Hanbin. He looks like he’s smirking, but also Hanbin is overly focused on his mouth now. “Just remembered I promised Matthew I’d hang out with him, I’m gonna call it quits for the night.”
Hanbin feels his stomach drop at that, trying not to grimace.
“Oh, got it. I’ll just see you tomorrow then.” He stares when Zhang Hao gets up, shirt riding up so he can see a bit of skin. Zhang Hao pats him on the head before he’s making his way to the doors, back to Matthew, leaving Hanbin in the practice room.
✨✨✨
So clearly, Hanbin is having a hard time staying away from either of them. But he figures, he just has to make it through the first round performances, and then they get break away from the dorms where Hanbin can — deal with it.
Just one day of performances to get through.
The performance itself goes great, Hanbin feels completely back in his element, just happy to be performing again. Now they’re all backstage, milling about after the results were announced, waiting to head back to the dorms. Matthew is right by him, talking with Gyuvin about who knows what; Hanbin lost track of their conversation a while ago as he usually does when they start getting into it.
Matthew laughs at something Gyuvin says, and that’s when Hanbin notices it.There, on Matthew’s face, a red line of lipstick. But — Matthew didn’t have any on his face earlier, Hanbin knows this because he whined at him during one of their breaks that he had messed it up, Hanbin hugging him to his side and gently patting his back.
There was definitely no red lipstick, then.
Now though. Now there’s definitely a distinct smear of red on his left cheek, near his jawbone. Hanbin is confused, knowing there was no reason for Matthew to go back and redo it, filming was pretty much over for the afternoon, the camera crew finally leaving them alone for the day.
Zhang Hao joins their group then, sidling up to Matthew, smiling at him and that is when Hanbin puts the pieces together. The once distinct line on Zhang Hao’s face is smudged on the bottom half, like someone wiped a hand through it.
Or, more likely, someone rubbed their face through it. But, here? With everyone around? With Hanbin—
He grits his teeth, his ears ringing. He’s been trying to ignore it, knowing that at least their rooms are far enough away he’s never that close, really. He’s still always felt somewhat removed at least. But knowing they were doing something, here, where Hanbin’s been the whole day as well…feels like a blow to his chest.
And knowing they’re sneaking around backstage too, risking that? Maybe it’s more serious than either of them have told Hanbin. He could at least pretend like maybe it was just a convenience thing before, for them. Maybe just since they were rooming together and it was easy and comfortable.
But this feels worse.
“-hyung?” Matthew’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts. He’s looking at Hanbin expectantly, and Hanbin has absolutely no idea what he asked. Instead of answering, Hanbin can only gesture at his face in response. This feels like a terrible form of deja vu.
“You have um, some…red…” he trails off, eyes unfocused as he stares at it. Next to him, he hears Zhang Hao choke out a laugh.
“What?” Matthew asks, brow furrowing. He brings a hand up to rub at his cheek. “I don’t — oh.”
Matthew looks at his hand, seeing the red smear against the back of his palm, face instantly blushing. Gyuvin just looks at him, confused.
“Isn’t that just from the performance?” he asks, tilting his head. Matthew looks at him, wide eyed, before nodding intently.
“Oh yeah, just from the performance exactly, must’ve just forgotten it was there,” Matthew says, a bit too fast, an awkward smile blooming on his face. Hanbin looks at Zhang Hao then, surprised to see him look back at him, look on his face Hanbin can’t decipher. Zhang Hao surreptitiously wipes at his face with the back of his hand as well, where his line of red was already rubbed off. He keeps his eyes on Hanbin the whole time.
“I’m just gonna run to the bathroom, wash off my hand,” Matthew says. Hanbin is about to chime in that he’ll go with him, when he feels Zhang Hao touch his waist, maneuvering around him.
“I’ll come with you,” he calls out, smiling at Matthew. Hanbin watches Zhang Hao catch up with him, throwing an arm around his shoulder as Matthew pokes him in his side, frowning. His fist clenches at his side, standing there stupidly as they make their way to the bathroom. Not too long later, the PD’s call their groups to get on the bus, both of them still not back yet.
They’re mostly all loaded onto the bus when Zhang Hao and Matthew get back out of breath as they climb the stairs, lips looking noticeably redder with a flush on both of their cheeks. Hanbin looks away before either of them try to sit near him, slouching back into his seat and staring out the window.
✨✨✨
Hanbin has never been more grateful for a break from the show. They get a few weeks to go back home and recharge before having to come back for eliminations, and Hanbin needs it. Time apart from everyone, space from Matthew, from Zhang Hao, from the two of them together. Some time alone with himself, to deal with — everything.
The first few days find Hanbin barely leaving his room at home, other than to eat whatever his mom cooked or run to the closest convenience store. He spends a lot of time thinking about Matthew. His feelings for Matthew. Matthew’s very clear, platonic only, feelings for him. Matthew's probable feelings for Zhang Hao.
He also thinks about his own feelings for Zhang Hao. His brain is a fucking mess.
Even if there wasn’t the Zhang Hao part of all of this, he knows Matthew only sees him as a best friend, someone he can count on, depend on. And now there is the entire Zhang Hao part of it. Hanbin has seen them together enough to know there is clearly something there for Matthew, if the way he looks at him is any indication. He’s not blind.
It’s not like he could blame Matthew, he gets it, clearly. It’s Zhang Hao, anyone would kill to be in Matthew’s position, Hanbin included. Zhang Hao flirts with everyone, Hanbin is obviously no exception, so it’s not like he feels special when his attention is on him. He does the same to Matthew too. If anything, it just drives the stake in harder every time; Hanbin knowing he can’t have either of them, knowing they have each other instead.
He groans, stuffing his face into his pillow. This break is a good thing. Hanbin needs the space to clear his head, to get this dark cloud of feelings to calm down for once so it can stop eating him alive day in and day out.
Matthew’s been texting him consistently since their break started, and Hanbin’s been responding in turn but maybe — maybe he needs to just chill out on that for a minute. It’s hard to stop thinking about Matthew and everything Matthew is to him when he’s still talking to Matthew 24/7. He has Zhang Hao anyway, and Hanbin assumes they’ll be meeting up when they can, especially now that they’re away from the cameras.
Maybe this break will be good for them, at least. Some time to themselves, no one else around, instead of being stuck in a dorm with 90 some other boys. Maybe this is what they need to — Hanbin doesn’t even know, doesn’t exactly want to think about it.
But he could accept it, he thinks. If he really needed to. If Matthew and Zhang Hao were happy.
What Hanbin needs is space so that’s what he gives himself and them — space.
Over the next couple weeks, he tries his best to limit their communication, keep any conversations they have brief. Luckily, Zhang Hao isn’t a huge texter anyway, so that doesn’t take much work on his part. But he can tell Matthew is starting to catch on, more sad and pouting emoticons being sent his way whenever Hanbin gives him an excuse. Hanbin feels fucking bad about it, obviously, but he knows it’s what he needs, feigning work at his mom’s cafe, dance rehearsals, whatever he can that sounds believeable.
It works its part, seeing as he’s never actually lied to Matthew before. He hates himself for doing it now, but the constant black hole in his chest feels ever so slightly lighter when he doesn’t see Matthew’s smiling face on KKT every hour. He does try to actually keep himself busy too, attempt to wallow less alone in his bedroom, actually get outside and do things like normal.
It all comes to a head when he manages to run into Zhang Hao at the dance studio.
He has clearly caught on to something , because Zhang Hao does not look happy with him when he corners him by the bathroom.
“Why are you ignoring Matthew?” Zhang Hao asks, not even bothering to say hi. Hanbin has never seen him like this, never seen him with this look on his face. They’re no closer than they’ve been before, but Hanbin feels small under his gaze, wanting to shrink in on himself, to look anywhere else.
“I’m not ignoring Matthew,” Hanbin says, unconvincingly. Zhang Hao scoffs, poking him in the forehead, more force than necessary.
“Don’t lie to me, I know you’re ignoring Matthew. I know for a fact you haven’t been ignoring Gyuvin’s texts, which means you’re ignoring Matthew. And I want to know why,” Zhang Hao demands, frowning at Hanbin. They’re chest to chest now, Hanbin staring widely at him. He can’t look away, the anger and disappointment like a burning fire in Zhang Hao’s eyes
“I’m…not ignoring him, I told you,” Hanbin mutters, words heavy in his mouth. Zhang Hao just rolls his eyes again, leveling him with a look.
“Well, whatever you’re doing, stop doing it. He’s fucking sad , and do you know how fucked it is to see Matthew sad?”
This pit in Hanbin’s stomach is back in full force and this has actively been what he was trying to avoid happening. He doesn’t want to be here right now, too many feelings clouding his head, he can’t fully think—
“Can you just—lay off? You don’t need to get in the middle of this,” Hanbin argues, more defensive than he means to. There’s a bitter taste on his tongue. Zhang Hao’s eyebrows raise, like he didn’t expect Hanbin to put up a fight. Admittedly, Hanbin also didn’t expect himself to put on a fight but Zhang Hao is the last person he wants to be talking about Matthew to right now. Especially when he was also trying to get space from him specifically. This is his and his alone to deal with, Zhang Hao doesn’t need to get involved, he’s dealing with it.
“Well I clearly do, since you aren’t doing anything about it,” Zhang Hao says, scoffing at him. “He won’t stop talking about you, even more than usual. I don’t like seeing him upset, okay? Just…deal with whatever you need to deal with and fucking text him back at least.”
Zhang Hao prods him in the chest for good measure before stepping back, finally putting space between them, letting Hanbin breathe. “I always figured you’d be the last person to hurt him.”
And then he’s turning on his heel, not even bothering to let Hanbin respond. Not that Hanbin could, still frozen in place for the moment. What the fuck.
He’s left with both a raging boner and the taste of bile in his throat.
Hanbin feels like he is working on autopilot on the commute back home, feet moving him where he needs to go from muscle memory. By the time he gets back to his room, shutting the door quietly behind him, the bitterness has set in but his horniness has yet to subside. He throws himself on his bed, fumbling to kick off his pants and wrap a hand around his cock. Zhang Hao looming over him flashes in his brain and he throbs in his palm.
He’s worked up, he’s fucked up, he shouldn’t even be doing this right now, but he can’t shake the feeling of how small he felt, how much power Zhang Hao felt like he had over him at the studio. Hanbin could barely do anything to fight him, just let him take control of the situation.
Hanbin’s picturing it now, Zhang Hao watching him as he jerks off, the same judging gaze locked in on him. He’s crawling over Hanbin, caging him in, saying nothing as his stare bores into him as Hanbin’s hand speeds up.
He can hear Zhang Hao in his ear, feel his breath against his neck, the way he scoffs at him, patronizing him, fingers playing with his hair, Matthew coming up on his other side—
Hanbin comes so hard he arches off the bed, muffling his cry into his pillow. His chest heaves as he comes down, catching his breath. He squints his eyes open, holding his come covered hand in front of himself, frowning. What the fuck is he doing.
Now that the pent up horniness has left his body, he’s just left with the bitter feelings, with the emptiness inside him, and a slight hint of shame he tries to ignore. Because when he thinks back on their conversation, who is Zhang Hao, really, to tell Hanbin what to do with Matthew? Just because they’re close? That’s his best friend, he knows him better than anyone. They’ll be fine, whenever Hanbin gets over all of this. No matter what he feels for Zhang Hao, it’s not up to him to get into the middle of this, just because they’re…hooking up, or whatever they’re doing.
Hanbin sighs, sitting up and using the tissues near his bed to wipe the come off his fingers. He stumbles out of bed, pulling on sweats and searching for his phone in his discarded pants pocket.
He opens up his KKT chat with Matthew and sends him a photo he took earlier on his way to the studio.
They’re going to be fine.
✨✨✨
Suddenly, they’re back to film the eliminations, and Hanbin’s own problems feel like nothing in light of all of this. Which only serves to make him feel worse about all of it. Him and Matthew didn’t exactly talk about the week Hanbin ignored him, but they’re back to HanbinAndMatthew. Matthew is number 2 and Hanbin is number 1 and they’re the same as ever. He’s never been more proud of someone.
He and Zhang Hao on the other hand haven’t talked, except for playing it up for the camera when they need to. They make eye contact when he and Matthew hug; Zhang Hao smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Hanbin knows he’s still mad at him, and that’s just not something he has the mental capacity to get into right now.
The night is a blur of crying and goodbyes, Hanbin going to sleep with a heavy heart saying goodbye to all the eliminated boys, people he got to know well and people he barely got to say hello to. It’s hard, he knew it would be going into this, but the knowing doesn’t live up to the actual feeling.
Hanbin falls back into his dorm bed late, barely hitting the pillow before he’s fast asleep. His dreams are a weird mix of colors, of pinks and blues and two boys.
The next day, they’re all shuffled into the main room in order to choose their songs for the next round of evaluations. Hanbin knows what he wants, he wants Tomboy, he’s wanted to work on a song with Zhang Hao for a while now, so he sucks it up to go forward with that no matter what state their friendship is in right now.
That may have been a mistake.
Practice does not start off well. Since he and Zhang Hao haven’t exactly discussed anything since the last time they spoke (see: hallway outside the practice room, Hanbin’s pathetic jerk off session after) it’s..tense between them, to say the least. Hanbin thought that maybe Hwitaek and Gunwook being around might ease the tension, maybe they could ignore it for now but — that doesn’t exactly seem to be holding true.
“I would also like to try for the killing part,” Zhang Hao says, smiling yet somehow staring down at Hanbin after he first volunteers. Hanbin stares back.
They’re the only two that volunteer for the part.
It doesn’t go well.
“I just think,” Zhang Hao starts, glaring at Hanbin, “that other people could be in the spotlight sometimes, too.”
Hanbin fumes. It’s not like he’s trying to continue down this path, but he knows he’s fucking good and deserving. Zhang Hao is too, but Hanbin can’t think about that right now, can only focus on the glare Zhang Hao is giving him and his residual feelings from their prior argument.
“Maybe sometimes people just need to lay off and let other people make their own decisions,” Hanbin argues back at Zhang Hao. Gunwook is looking between the two of them, completely confused. Hwitaek is rubbing at his temples, and Hanbin would normally feel terrible but he can’t even be bothered to care about that right now when he’s in a stare off with Zhang Hao. It’s the only thing he can focus on
“Okay and maybe some people need to stop overreacting when things seemingly don’t go their way,” Zhang Hao says, scoffing. Hanbin fumes at that one. This isn’t even about the part anymore.
“This isn’t about things going my way , I’m not a child .” Hanbin’s brow furrows. Zhang Hao’s gaze bores into him, and—when did he get so close, Hanbin didn’t even notice, but they’re toe to toe now, staring each other down.
“Yeah, well, you’ve been acting like a child who won’t fucking speak up, which isn’t boding well for the people around you,” Zhang Hao says, digging his knife in ever so deeper. Hanbin doesn’t know what to say to that, and luckily he doesn’t have to because Hwitaek finally cuts in then.
“Okay, that’s enough , my god. I don’t even know what you two are arguing about anymore,” Hwitake yells. He takes a deep breath, staring up at the ceiling for a minute, before aiming a disappointed look back at the two of them. “And honestly, I don’t even care right now. You guys need to figure it out, so we can get back to the actual competition we are in. Not whatever the fuck this is between the two of you. Go. Figure it out. Do not come back before it’s fixed.”
He shoos them out of the room, both of them still glaring at each other but retreating like kicked puppies. Hwitaek never raises his voice like that. And yeah it made Hanbin feel some sort of way but now is not the time to look into that.
Hanbin thinks they’re going to go sit on one of the benches outside of the room, maybe talk in vague stories since the cameras are still running, but instead Zhang Hao drags him down the hallway, to the stairs. Hanbin follows behind him, his wrist trapped in Zhang Hao’s tight grip on it. They make it to the corner that they all know is hidden from the cameras, and Zhang Hao takes it one step further, dragging them both into the nearby utility closet.
He pulls Hanbin in, turning around and pulling the door shut behind him. Hanbin is backed up against the door like this, Zhang Hao once again staring down at him. The room is cramped, and Hanbin feels trapped. He squares his shoulders back, shifting his focus to Zhang Hao, matching him look for look.
Neither of them say anything, eyes focused only on each other. They’re both breathing heavy, sound echoing within the small space.
Hanbin can’t take it anymore. He pushes at Zhang Hao’s chest. Zhang Hao doesn’t budge.
“Hyung,” Hanbin says, voice dripping with contempt. “Whatever the fuck we’re going through shouldn’t be affecting the competition.”
Zhang Hao fully tsks at that, face scrunching up. “Oh, like you were clearly so focused on the competition back there? Please.”
Hanbin wants to scrub his hands down his face, but they’re currently still stuck on Zhang Hao’s chest. “You are so—”
“So what?” Zhang Hao bites his lip and Hanbin can’t stop himself from following the movement, watching the way his tongue darts out to lick at the mark after. “We both know what the problem is here, right? Let’s not keep playing pretend, Hanbinnie.”
Hanbin feels the fire light up in his stomach. His fingers twitch against Zhang Hao’s chest, digging into the fabric of his shirt.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hanbin lies, eyes leveling as he stares at Zhang Hao, who rolls his own in response.
“If you’re going to make me say it, fucking fine. I’m talking about whatever is going on with you and Matth—”
Hanbin kisses him.
Well, ‘kiss’ is a strong word. Hanbin pulls him in so forcefully into him that their teeth clash together when their mouths meet, Hanbin wincing. Zhang Hao pulls himself together immediately, tilting his head to better slot their lips together, pressing Hanbin back into the door.
Zhang Hao kisses with force, like he’s eating Hanbin alive, like every second of the past few weeks, months, is coming to light between the two of them. Hanbin feels himself give in easily, feels his body melt underneath Zhang Hao’s ministrations, letting him lick hard into his mouth.
Hanbin moans unintentionally, far too loudly for the space they’re in. All Zhang Hao does is swallow it down, roughly thrust a thigh in between his legs. Hanbin grinds down once, twice, pitifully, before trying to pull himself together.
His grip tightens in Zhang Hao’s shirt, tugging him closer, wrapping a leg around the back of his thighs to shift them. The hard lines of their cocks meet, Hanbin drinking in the low moan forced from Zhang Hao’s throat.
They grind against each other like this, frantic, no finesse, both fighting each other for what they want. The temperature of the closet is stifling, beads of sweat forming in Hanbin’s hairline, dripping down his neck.
At some point his hands moved, tangled into Zhang Hao’s hair, pulling hard and tight, relishing in any sound he manages to pull out of him. His cock is leaking where it’s trapped in his pants, dampening the fabric in a way he should be concerned about but cannot bring himself to care at the moment. The friction between them is deafening, making Hanbin whine in Zhang Hao’s mouth.
Hanbin is becoming weaker and weaker to him the more this goes on, the more Zhang Hao twists his tongue in his mouth, licks against his teeth. Something about Zhang Hao is he just—takes control of the situation. He takes, takes, takes, and Hanbin can do nothing but give in, give him what he wants.
Hanbin’s chest is heaving when Zhang Hao finally breaks the kiss, tugging his head to the side so he can attack his neck instead, biting a line down his throat.
“You’re just like him, you know,” Zhang Hao says, voice rough. “Noisy.”
Hanbin whimpers, hips stuttering against Zhang Hao’s, knees buckling. Zhang Hao laughs at him then, sound vibrating against his neck. “Yeah, he does that too.”
Hanbin is going to die. He might actively be dying right now. His cock is so hard it’s all he can think about, the solid pressure of Zhang Hao against him. The room keeps feeling smaller and smaller the more Zhang Hao says, the more his brain conjures up images of Matthew, of them together.
Zhang Hao shifts them before Hanbin’s brain can catch up, spinning Hanbin around so that he’s facing the door, molding his body against his back. He hooks his chin on Hanbin’s shoulder, snaking an arm around his waist to palm down, hard, against his cock. Hanbin tries to stifle a groan to no avail.
“You like it when I talk about him, don’t you, Hanbinnie? Like it when I tell you how good he is for me, how fast of a learner he is?
Zhang Hao’s voice is low, rough, echoing in Hanbin’s ears. He can hear the smirk on his face without even having to see it, eyes squeezed shut as he bangs his forehead against the door.
He can feel Zhang Hao, the line of him pressed hard against his ass, the layers of their sweatpants barely hiding anything. His cock throbs against Zhang Hao’s hand, trying to grind into him, back at him.
“What else do you want to know, hmm?” Zhang Hao says casually, like he’s talking about the weather, not like he’s cramming his hand down Hanbin’s pants to wrap his fingers around his cock. He strokes him slowly, steady. Hanbin’s knees feel like jelly. “How pretty he looks on his knees? How sensitive he is? The sounds he makes when he has three fingers inside of him? I was his first, you know.”
Hanbin lets out a terrible, strangled sound, like he got punched in the chest. He doesn’t know whether to thrust into Zhang Hao’s grip or grind back onto his cock. His fingers scratch against the wood of the door, trying to steady himself. He’s already leaking so much into Zhang Hao’s hand that the slide is smooth, wet when Zhang Hao thumbs across the head.
Zhang Hao bites at the exposed skin of his shoulder, licking against the mark when he pulls back. He can’t seem to take his teeth off of him, and Hanbin feels the phantom press of them even when he moves to a new spot. He’s burning all over, Zhang Hao’s chest hot against his back. He won’t stop fucking his hips lazily into Hanbin’s, Hanbin gasping everytime he feels him press harder against him.
Hanbin is drowning, falling deeper and deeper into Zhang Hao’s touch, like he’s a fire that’s consuming him whole. Zhang Hao won’t stop fucking talking , Hanbin can barely concentrate on anything he’s whispering into his ear, stuttering over every thought. Matthew on his knees, Matthew naked, Matthew with his mouth on his cock, Matthew fucking himself on his fingers, Matthew fucking himself on Zhang Hao’s fingers, Matthew—
And then Zhang Hao takes the final blow.
“He won’t let me fuck him, not for real, did you know that?” Zhang Hao says, biting his ear, voice pitching low. “Think maybe…he’s waiting for you.”
Hanbin cries out, entire body freezing up as he comes, cock twitching in Zhang Hao’s grip as he strokes him through it. He feels strung out, like he’s just come up for air, every nerve of his body on high alert. He comes so much, he didn’t even realize he could come this much, hips stuttering as it finally washes through him.
He tries to catch his breath, the air around them still as Zhang Hao finally lets up on his strokes, Hanbin twitching in oversensitivity. It’s quiet in the room, before Zhang Hao huffs out a laugh against his shoulder, pulling his come covered hand out of Hanbin’s pants, eyeing it unceremoniously.
“Damn. You really are doing so badly for him, aren’t you,” Zhang Hao says, wiping his hand off. Hanbin struggles to clear the post-orgasm fog out of his brain, fingers tingling as the feeling floods back into them. He twists around to face Zhang Hao again, who’s looking at him in surprise, before he drops to his knees in front of him.
If there’s one thing Hanbin will always be, it’s a people pleaser.
Hanbin swallows thickly, tugging down Zhang Hao’s pants, glancing up at him through his eyelashes.
“You can fuck my mouth, just not too hard,” Hanbin says, voice cracking. He doesn’t let Zhang Hao answer before he’s swallowing him down as best he can, nose brushing against his trimmed hair. He tries not to choke, it’s been a while, breathing in through his nose before he’s sliding his mouth back off his shaft. He looks up, raising an eyebrow. Zhang Hao gets the hint then, fingers tangling in Hanbin’s hair, pulling tight as he fucks in gently to his mouth.
He listens to Hanbin, not going too hard, but enough that Hanbin can still feel it, feel the soft head of his cock back against his palette whenever it breaches just slightly too deep. His own hands scramble to grip into Zhang Hao’s thighs, firm under his palm, leaving crescent shaped marks from his nails. Hanbin basks in the feel of them, digging into the flesh.
Zhang Hao isn’t loud, not like him, not like Matthew apparently, but he still lets out these breathy little sounds that Hanbin revels in, sounds that he files away in his brain for later. The slide of his cock in his mouth is wet, dirty, spit dripping down Zhang Hao’s shaft and Hanbin’s chin. The floor is cold against Hanbin’s knees, but Zhang Hao’s hands are hot, burning into his scalp.
Hanbin lets Zhang Hao take, staying as still as possible as he fucks into his mouth, pace easy but growing more and more unsteady. He blinks up at him, tears welling at the corner of his eyes, only to see Zhang Hao’s gaze burning into him, mouth slightly dropped open. Their eyes meet, Hanbin whining low in his throat around his cock, and Zhang Hao’s grip tightens in his hair.
“Gonna come,” he grits out, the only warning before his cock throbs in Hanbin’s mouth and he feels his come shoot down his throat. He swallows the best he can, throat working around the head of his cock, trying not to cough as he rides his orgasm out. Some still drops out of the corners of his mouth, leaving a trail down his chin.
Hanbin pulls off, letting Zhang Hao’s cock fall wetly from his mouth, blinking away his tears. He drags the back of his hand against his face, wiping off the spit and come. He’s sure he looks like a fucking wreck right now. Zhang Hao tucks himself back into his pants with shaky hands before dropping unsteady onto his knees so they’re face to face again. He brings his own hands up to wipe at any place Hanbin missed, cupping his face.
The both stare at each other for a moment, before Hanbin is giggling, Zhang Hao following him down, both of them slowly losing it. Hanbin shifts back on his thighs, leaning back against the door as they try and calm themselves down.
“Um,” Hanbin starts before trailing off, unsure of what to even say in this situation. He’s still not exactly sure how this whole thing even happened. He feels like he just woke up from a fever dream, except he knows it was real because he can still feel the weight of Zhang Hao’s cock in his throat and how his hand felt wrapped against him.
What the fuck.
“Honestly, I wondered if you were ever going to make a move or not,” Zhang Hao hums, leaning back onto his hands. His head tilts, considering. “Didn’t think you actually had it in you.”
Hanbin gapes at him, not sure how to respond.
“I mean—hyung, it’s just, but you and Matthew—,” Hanbin stutters out. Zhang Hao laughs at him again, leveling him with a look.
“Hanbinnie, we’ve talked about this. Me and Matthew are just…having fun, right now,” Zhang Hao says, shrugging. “I don’t know what comes after that, but I do know he hasn’t shut up once about you the entire time it’s been going on. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it.”
Hanbin blushes at that, not sure what to even say. There are a lot of feelings running around in his head right now, and his brain still feels a bit like jello. All his coherent thoughts seem to have been stripped away the second Zhang Hao put his hand on his cock.
Zhang Hao slides closer so their knees are touching, pulling Hanbin’s hand into his lap and playing with his fingers. Hanbin makes a soft noise at that, high in his throat, the touch grounding. He sighs, body pitching forward so he falls against Zhang Hao’s chest, forehead to his shoulder.
“Hao hyung,” Hanbin whines. “Now what”
Zhang Hao scoffs, pinching Hanbin on his thumb. “Dumbass. Just talk to him or something.”
“But what about you?” Hanbin says, sitting back up so he can look at Zhang Hao, who just raises an eyebrow at him.
“What about me?”
“There’s also — I — y’know,” Hanbin tries, coughing. “I also want. You. Obviously”
Zhang Hao stops playing with his fingers as his eyes go wide, mouth slightly ajar. His ears are going red. It’s very cute. “Oh. Um, I figured that—”
“I know that’s not really the point, right now, but. I do. I don’t know about you, but…we can just keep having fun or however you said it? If you want to?” Hanbin says, trying to sound calm. Cool. He barely even knows what words he’s saying right now, feeling almost half delirious. He wishes Matthew were here too, he always grounds him.
Zhang Hao stares at him, tips of his ears a bright red now. “Oh. That sounds—yeah. Me too. You should talk to Matthew, though, I think. First.”
Hanbin sighs, banging his head back against the door. He knows Zhang Hao is right, knows he should, but that doesn’t make him look any more forward to it. No matter what Zhang Hao says, Hanbin still…him and Matthew have always been a unit, it’s HanbinandMatthew, he’s still so sure Matthew doesn’t—
Zhang Hao flicks him in the forehead
“Hey,” Hanbin pouts, rubbing his head. Zhang Hao rolls his eyes at him.
“Stop thinking so hard,” Zhang Hao draws out, vocal fry hitting at the end. “Just talk to him; both of you are so fucking dense, you know that? I can’t believe all it took was both of you getting dick to get to this. And the fact it had to be the same dick. Predictable.”
Hanbin blushes at that, trying very hard not to think of Zhang Hao’s dick right now, something he knows very well, already too comfortable with the weight of it in his mouth. He might be getting hard again, shifting in his seat. Zhang Hao notices, because Zhang Hao always notices.
“I would, but I think we might want to get back to practice or Hwitaek hyung might kill us,” Zhang Hao says, frowning as he looks at their state of disarray. “Well. He’s probably going to kill us either way, but maybe if we go back before we spend any more time away we might escape some of the rage. Tell him we kissed and made up. Thoroughly.”
“Hyung!” Hanbin groans, tugging on Zhang Hao’s hand. Zhang Hao laughs at him, finally getting up and pulling Hanbin up with him. He fusses with Hanbin’s hair, Hanbin trying to smooth his clothes out to something that looks vaguely put together. Luckily they’re still in their practice clothes, the loose cotton hiding most things.
“Back to practice?” Zhang Hao asks, peeking out the door to make sure the coast is clear. He looks back at Hanbin expectantly, holding out his hand. Hanbin takes it, both of them slipping out of the room back into the hallway, trying to look as casual as possible.
Hanbin smiles to himself, a little thing, as he trails after Zhang Hao, their hands still folded together. He feels lighter than he has in weeks.
Hwitaek had taken one look at them, sighed, and didn’t even ask which made Hanbin blush profusely, remembering his old crush on him when he was back at Cube. He’s over that now, but still weird to think about him…knowing. Very clearly. When Hanbin has clearly hooked up with someone. Especially after his whole breakdown to him in the laundry room over said someone.
Now that he and Zhang Hao are — whatever they are, not fighting at least, maybe kissing occasionally, practice goes smoothly. Whether that is because of the talk or the orgasm he’s not exactly sure, but realistically it’s probably a mixture of both. And also the way Zhang Hao looks back at him when they lock eyes in the practice room.
He knows the next step is actually talking to Matthew, but that doesn’t make it easier . Their relationship has always been different, something special, something Hanbin has cherished most. But nothing past drunken talks of “I love you, you’re my best friend” type of things. Nothing like this, the weight of his own feelings crushing Hanbin’s rib cage when he thinks of them for too long.
This type of conversation makes Hanbin feel like he is at the edge of a cliff, waves crashing below him. The horizon looms in the distance. Hanbin feels like he’s already falling.
Him and Zhang Hao are rooming together now, while they prepare for their second round of performances. Matthew’s been busy, tired, stressed about his group and performance, so they’ve barely seen each other for a couple days. He’s stopped by their room a few times to say hi, but Hanbin hasn’t exactly had the time to talk to him about something. Other people are already there, or their time is short, or—
He sees Zhang Hao staring at him every time. It’s not helping the pressure.
Hanbin knows he is stressing out too much about this, but he can’t help it. The competition aura surrounding them isn’t helping either, all tensions high right now, everyone overworked and overtired.
He’s coming back from a shower one night, towel wrapped around his neck, when he stops in the doorway of the dorm. All he can see is Zhang Hao and Matthew cuddled up on Zhang Hao’s bed, whispering to each other.
Hanbin pauses, taking a deep breath before clearing his throat to announce his presence. Matthew jumps, sitting up the second he hears him, smiling awkwardly at Hanbin when he makes his way into the room.
“Oh, hyung!” Matthew yells, a little too loud.
“Seok Mae-yah,” Hanbin says, smiling at him. Zhang Hao acknowledges him with his free hand, eyes still closed on his pillow. Hanbin doesn’t know where Hwitaek went, but he knows this is probably the best time as any, just the three of them in the room finally. He sits down next to him, on Zhang Hao’s bed, taking one of his hands in his own absentmindedly.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” Hanbin starts again, trying to gather his thoughts. They’ve been swimming around his mind for days now and he still wasn’t able to figure out the best way to say any of this. It’s Matthew. If there’s one thing he never wants to fuck up…
“Always,” Matthew says, head tilting, unsure where Hanbin is going. Zhang Hao has sat up now quietly, watching them both as he props himself against the wall. He raises his eyebrows at Hanbin as if he’s saying “well?”
Hanbin knows he’s right. But it doesn’t make anything any easier. And everything has always been easy with Matthew, maybe that’s what’s fucking him up right now. He’s never had any rocks to trip on in his path, no ways diverging. It’s always been easy , been simple. He doesn’t know what it’s so different now.
“I—,” Hanbin chokes on his words again. Matthew just looks at him, hesitant smile on his face. Hanbin doesn’t know what he’s thinking and that’s somehow fucking him up even more. He stares at Zhang Hao’s hand around Matthew’s waist.
“Hyung,” Matthew says, hesitantly. His fingers squeeze Hanbin’s, trying to encourage him to continue. Hanbin looks at him, wide eyed, vulnerable. He has to remind himself, it’s Matthew. He knows he needs to just — rip the bandaid off, as quickly as he can, let it all out there. Zhang Hao is there. It’s okay.
“You know it’s always been you, yeah?” Hanbin says, squeezing his hand. Matthew is staring at him like a deer in the headlights. Hanbin himself feels like a string being pulled tight.
“I— what?” Matthew breathes, eyes shining. Zhang Hao draws shapes with his fingers through Matthew’s shirt and Hanbin watches the movement to ground himself.
“Always been you. Still is,” Hanbin says. Matthew won’t stop blinking at him. Zhang Hao bites his lip, smiling softly at them. Hanbin diverts his attention to him next.
“But now—” Hanbin says, hesitating. He looks at Zhang Hao again, who tries to avert his gaze. “There is also him.”
They all know what Hanbin means, no matter how much Zhang Hao tries to ignore what is happening, ears burning red. Hanbin bites his lip, embarrassed, Matthew smiling so softly at him.
“Oh,” Matthew says. His eyes are wet even in the dim lighting. “Me too. All of it.”
Zhang Hao’s hand stills on Matthew’s waist and Matthew giggles, leaning into him. Hanbin just gets to watch now, a small smile on his face as Zhang Hao tries to avoid eye contact with either of them. Hanbin nudges Zhang Hao with his knee.
“You wanna say something here?” Hanbin asks him, expectantly. Zhang Hao scoffs at him, still not looking, seemingly very interested in the bedside lamp. Matthew lets out a soft little laugh, also nudging him with his foot.
“Hao hyuung,” he says, drawing it out. His fingers squeeze Hanbin’s.
“I’m very happy you guys finally expressed your undying love for each other. And, yeah, I guess I also — feel that. For both of you.” He is blushing in a way Hanbin has never seen before, flush taking over his entire face. Hanbin wants to kiss him so badly. With the way Matthew is also looking at him, he assumes he agrees.
Hanbin feels lighter than he has in months, giggling and tugging Zhang Hao to fall into his lap. Zhang Hao goes, not very gracefully, frowning at Hanbin as he glares up at him.
“Hey,” Matthew says, tugging at Hanbin’s hand. Hanbin shifts his gaze to look at him again instead of Zhang Hao. He’s tugged into Matthew’s orbit, going easily until there’s a hand wrapping around the back of his head and then Matthew is kissing him.
Matthew is kissing him.
Hanbin both feels like he’s drowning and also coming back up for air. One hand still clenched in Zhang Hao’s, he drops Matthew’s to fist his fingers into the back of his hair, kissing back hard. What started off soft is no longer, Hanbin’s lips pressed rough against Matthew’s, licking against his bottom lip, the way he’s dreamed about.
He feels almost crazed, the weight of Zhang Hao in his lap, the pressure of Matthew’s mouth against his. It’s like an out of body experience and Hanbin never wants to come back down.
“Hyung,” Matthew whines into his mouth, and Hanbin thinks he might come in his pants. His dick twitches, breath stuttering.
Zhang Hao pulls at his hand then. Hanbin flinches, breaking apart from Matthew. His chest is already breathing heavily. Zhang Hao doesn’t even have to say anything before Matthew smiling brightly, lips already red, tugging him to sit back up.
This time, Hanbin gets to actually watch them kiss. It’s better than his own imagination, watching as Matthew sinks into Zhang Hao’s touch, fingers twitching as they grab onto his upper arm. He can hear how his breath hitches when Zhang Hao slides his tongue into his mouth.
Hanbin thinks he could watch this for hours.
Matthew won’t stop making sounds. Zhang Hao’s fists at Matthew’s hair, tugging and pulling a high pitched noise out of Matthew that is going to live in Hanbin’s brain forever. All the blood in his body has rushed towards his cock, hard and heavy in his pants right now.
Hanbin feels like he’s in a daze, not even thinking of himself right now, content to let them do their own thing, when Zhang Hao pulls off of Matthew. A thin line of spit connects them as they split, breaking when they get too far apart and Hanbin stares at it, transfixed.
“Hanbinnie,” Zhang Hao murmurs, Hanbin unfocused and unassuming as he is pulled in. He doesn’t even register until their lips are touching, Zhang Hao’s moving rough against his own. Hanbin sinks into the kiss immediately, Zhang Hao against him a familiar presence already.
The bed is cramped, but also it provides them with a close sort of intimacy. He feels both of them near him like this, all pressed up together, as he sinks deeper and deeper into Zhang Hao.
He feels a fingers trail down his body, not even sure whose, before a palm is pressing against his cock and he knows—that’s Matthew.
Hanbin whines high in his throat and his teeth bite down on Zhang Hao’s lip accidentally, making Zhang Hao wince into his mouth. He swipes his tongue across the mark, soothing it. Zhang Hao takes that opening to lick into Hanbin’s mouth, flick against Hanbin’s own
Matthew won’t stop touching him, and he feels every touch like a shock to his system, even through the fabric of his shorts. He reaches out blindly, needing to ground himself, finding his grip on Matthew’s thigh, just as Matthew presses down again, this time with intent.
“Ah,” Hanbin whimpers, breaking their kiss and letting his forehead fall onto Zhang Hao’s shoulder.
He feels Zhang Hao’s cup his chin, lifting his head up to look at him. He blinks his eyes open, vision bleary. He would think he looks put together, if not for the way his pupils are dilated, black overtaking the brown of his irises.
“We should—clothes,” Zhang Hao instructs. Hanbin mourns the loss of Matthew’s hand as he pulls it away, but that thought immediately flies out of his head when Matthew tugs his shirt over his head. Hanbin has seen him shirtless before, plenty of times, but not like…this. Not when he can appreciate, can actually look.
Matthew looks at both of them expectantly, but neither of them make a move. His cheeks color, embarrassed.
“Why am I the only one,” Matthew whines. Zhang Hao surrenders then, pulling his shirt off as well. Hanbin doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of that either, eyeing at the faint mark on his chest he accidentally left the other day.
He follows in suit when Matthew turns his attention to him, averting his eyes when Matthew stares. Zhang Hao rolls his eyes, clearly tired of the two of them already.
“Gold star for everyone. Hanbin, I think you’ll like this part,” Zhang Hao says, before he’s pushing Matthew down onto the mattress, kissing him hard. He tugs off his pants with his free hand and — oh.
Fuck.
Hanbin chokes on his spit.
Zhang Hao pulls off Matthew with a wet kiss, raising an eyebrow at Hanbin. “Yeah, told you.”
Hanbin watches in a daze as Zhang Hao recaptures Matthew’s lips again, straddling him. That image is burned into his brain forever now, as Zhang Hao grinds his hips down.
Hanbin jolts when Matthew’s leg twitches, brushing against him, and realizes that he’s just — sitting there. When he could be doing anything else, he could be touching. This whole thing still feels a little bit surreal to him as he shifts himself closer on the bed, skimming his fingers over Zhang Hao’s thighs, down to Matthew’s below him.
Matthew’s skin is so fucking smooth, Hanbin could spend all day just touching him, feeling him underneath the palm of his hand, tracing patterns into his skin. And he would, if he wasn’t distracted watching Zhang Hao grind down on Matthew, watch the way Matthew’s hips stutter up into his.
“Hyung,” Hanbin says, voice strained. Zhang Hao breaks apart from Matthew, eyes scrunching up as he huffs out a laugh. Matthew whines at him when they part, but Zhang Hao shushes him, swinging his leg back over, and falling down on his side next to Matthew. He looks at Hanbin expectantly, quirking a brow.
Hanbin scrambles to take his place, almost falling over Matthew in the process. He rights himself, and he’s eye to eye with him. His hair is mused, pushed off his forehead, and his eyes are lidded, but his smile is so Matthew.
“Hi,” he says. Hanbin’s heart swells in his chest. Zhang Hao is skimming fingers down his arm, absentmindedly. There’s no other place he’d rather be.
“Hi,” Hanbin whispers back, before he’s slotting their mouths together, kissing Matthew hard. He sinks into it so easily, Matthew opening up for him immediately. Their tongues meet in the middle, tangling together. Matthew keeps making these little whining sounds into his mouth and every part of Hanbin feels like he’s burning up inside.
His hips grind down unconsciously, and he feels Matthew underneath him, the hard line of his cock. His mouth waters, which only makes the slide of their mouths slicker. Zhang Hao is a steadying presence at his side, touch grounding him so he doesn’t get lost in everything.
Matthew is so fucking small underneath him. Hanbin never feels big, really, but having Matthew trapped below him like this — it’s the complete opposite of how he feels when he’s under Zhang Hao and the contrast between them makes his head spin. Matthew’s nails dig into his back any time their hips meet, and Hanbin tries to focus on that.
He doesn’t know how long he kisses Matthew for, mapping out the inside of his mouth, before lips are trailing down his neck, causing a shiver to run down his body. He’s distracted now, faltering against Matthew as Zhang Hao nips at the skin of his neck, flicking his tongue out against the spot.
“Fuck ,” he whines into Matthew's mouth, breaking their kiss slightly but not putting distance between them. Their noses touch, Hanbin trying to compose himself, even as Zhang Hao bites against the tender spot at the juncture of his shoulder, and his entire body shudders. He groans, dropping his forehead against Matthew’s, breathing heavy. Hanbin feels surrounded from all sides and it’s a lot.
Zhang Hao’s hands tug at his hair to look at him. He’s holding a bottle of lube in his hand that Hanbin doesn’t even know where he got from. He raises a brow at Hanbin, looking at him, then Matthew, then back at him.
“Do you want to or me?” he asks him. Matthew shivers, fingers twitching against Hanbin’s skin. Hanbin’s voice feels strung out when he answers.
“You—you can,” he gets out. He moves slightly, so Zhang Hao can push up Matthew’s legs and resituate himself at the foot of the bed, Hanbin slightly off to his side now. He doesn’t know what to do, torn between kissing Matthew and watching Zhang Hao as he slicks his fingers up.
Matthew makes the decision for him, tangling his hand in his hair to pull him back down against him, molding their mouths together. Hanbin realizes this is a great decision on Matthew’s part, now that he gets to feel the gasp Matthew lets out, mouth dropping open when Zhang Hao’s first finger breaches his hole.
Matthew is expressive and Hanbin gets to witness all of it, every twitch of his body against him and every cry he swallows down. Matthew doesn’t even seem to notice all the noises he’s making as Zhang Hao sets a steady pace, fucking 2 easily into him.
Hanbin moves to kiss a trail up Matthew's jaw, down his throat. He takes a look down, hitch in his breath as he watches Zhang Hao’s fingers, in and out and in and out of Matthew’s hole. Hanbin groans, biting down on that spot, that first spot he ever saw on Matthew’s neck. He sucks at the skin, bruising it underneath his lips, like he’s layering his own mark on top of Zhang Hao’s.
Matthew’s arms shake where they’re wrapped around Hanbin. He gives one last hard suck at the mark before releasing the patch of skin, tongue licking at it to soothe it. The sight of Zhang Hao fingering Matthew draws him back in and now Zhang Hao has 3 fingers in him, twisting them as he fucks them in hard.
Hanbin groans, letting himself fall further into Matthew.
“Hyung,” Matthew whines. Hanbin isn’t even sure which of them he’s talking to, but it doesn’t matter.
Hanbin pecks at his lips as Zhang Hao is giving him a strained “okay, okay”.
He pulls his fingers out and Matthew’s body shudders as it’s left empty, clenching around nothing. Zhang Hao slaps Hambin slightly too hard on the thigh, causing his cheeks to go hot, choking on a moan.
“Your turn,” he says, pulling Hanbin over to him, off of Matthew. Hanbin lets himself be pulled in, brain catching up and—
“Oh,” Hanbin breathes. In front of him him, Matthew whines, hands fisted into the sheets
“Please, hyung,” he chokes out, and it’s not like Hanbin has ever been able to deny him anything before. Hanbin finally rids himself of his own pants and then—
“C’mon Hanbinnie, he’s waiting for you,” Zhang Hao murmurs, nosing behind his ear. Hanbin’s cock throbs but he feels almost frozen, until Zhang Hao is moving his hands to Matthew’s thighs, both of them spreading them wider. Hanbin is mesmerized looking at Matthew, his chest flushed red, cock hard against his stomach, hole slick with lube, and eyes half lidded as he watches them.
Hanbin lets Zhang Hao push him closer to Matthew, his hips now only centimeters away from Matthew’s ass. He can also feel Zhang Hao against his ass, fully pressed against him. He wants to both grind back and forward into Matthew, no matter how impossible, wants to feel Zhang Hao inside him too. Another time.
Matthew lets out another small whimper, thigh muscles flexing underneath Hanbin’s grip and that’s when Hanbin finally lets himself move. His upper body pitches forward, grabbin the base of his cock to line it up. Both of them let out a groan when Hanbin lets the head catch on Matthew’s rim, before grinding up to his cock instead.
“Please,” Matthew begs, gasping when Hanbin does it again. The touch of Zhang Hao’s hand on his hip is the final encouragement he needs before he presses in, finally breaching the rim. Matthew cries out as Hanbin fucks in slowly, letting him adjust to the pressure. He’s tight, and Hanbin knew this, but it’s so much more when he can feel every inch of him around his cock, feel the way his thighs try to squeeze shut, watch every emotion play across his face.
When he’s fully bottomed out, he pauses, letting Matthew get used to it. Hanbin remembers his first time and—it took a minute. His cock throbs, but Hanbin tries to keep himself in check. Hard to do, when Zhang Hao is biting at his shoulders, at the spot in his neck that makes him shiver.
“Move,” Matthew finally chokes out, so Hanbin does . He pulls his hips out almost all the way, before fucking back in slow, but deep, making sure Matthew feels it.
Hanbin tries to keep his pace steady as he fucks him, but it’s fucking hard with the way Zhang Hao won’t stop whispering in his ear about how good he’s doing, how next time that’s going to be him, how well they’re going to fuck him. He’s touching any part of him he can get his hands on, making Hanbin gasp.
Everything feels amped up to 10 right now, every touch overwhelming to him. He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling the pinprick of tears at the corners, which he would be embarrassed about at any other moment. It’s just so much, Matthew under him, Zhang Hao behind him, every part of his body like a live wire, sensitive to it all.
“Does he feel good?” Zhang Hao asks, pinching his nipple. Hanbin nods, can’t even bring himself to choke out an answer, letting out a high pitched moan instead. His hand found its way into Matthew’s at some point, fingers intertwined on the mattress, and it feels like his only tether right now.
He’s slowly loosing control of his hips, starting to fuck into Matthew with reckless abandon, Matthew being so good , so pliant for him, taking everything in stride as he makes those choked out little sounds. Hanbin knows he’s tumbling closer and closer to the edge, lost in sensations. He overbalances, falling further onto Matthew, the angle change causing Matthew to cry out.
He drops further onto Matthew, trying to recapture his lips. He misses at first, landing somewhere on his chek, but it makes Matthew let out a small breathy giggle, before his hands are fisting in his hair to slot their lips together correctly this time.
It’s not so much kissing as it is just a press of their mouths, both too pent up to work at it with any finesse. Hanbin feels his orgasm building, his balls tightening, and has the fleeting thought to maybe pull out — but then Matthew is hooking a leg around him, pulling him ever so closer, and that’s what finally does Hanbin in.
He thinks he blacks out when he comes, hips stuttering against Matthew’s ass, thrusts faltering as he rides it out. Matthew pets his hair through it, Zhang Hao at his hip. When he finally finishes he feels strung out, boneless. His arms almost give out, but Zhang Hao hauls him back upright, holding him up by his waist, tilting his chin back so he can kiss him.
It’s deep, but quick, letting Hanbin come back to his senses as Zhang Hao bites at his lip. He blinks his eyes open in a daze, first at Zhang Hao and then turning back to look at Matthew. His pupils are blown wide but there’s a soft smile on his face, even as Hanbin’s cock softens inside of him.
Oh right. Fuck.
Hanbin grimaces as he pulls out, causing Matthew to whine high in his throat at the loss, clenching around nothing. Come starts to drip out and Hanbin stares, hypnotized, before Zhang Hao is pinching at his thigh.
“Now you can just sit here and look pretty,” he says. Hanbin blinks at him, still disoriented, as he’s being pushed up against the wall. Zhang Hao pounces onto Matthew, flipping them around so that Matthew is straddling him. Hanbin’s brain catches up then and—hell.
Matthew and Zhang Hao are kissing again and it’s dirty . Hanbin can hear the spit slick sounds of their tongues meeting, their mouths moving against like they’re trying to devour each other whole. Matthew lets out loud “ Fuck ”, and Hanbin shifts his gaze down to see that Zhanghao slipped two fingers back in his ass, pushing Hanbin’s come back inside him.
He’s already getting hard again.
“You wanna put on a show?” Zhang Hao murmurs to Matthew, quiet enough that Hanbin barely hears it at first. Matthew is nodding, fucked out already, cock an angry red when he grinds it against Zhang Hao’s stomach. He drops his head onto Zhang Hao’s shoulder when he crooks his fingers, body shaking.
Zhang Hao removes his fingers, slick with come and Hanbin chokes on his fucking spit when he lifts Matthew’s chin up to shove them into his mouth.
Matthew’s lips immediately close around them, sucking them into his mouth, and Hanbin’s ears are ringing. He’s so distracted watching Matthew lick his come off of Zhang Hao’s fingers that he he doesn’t notice Zhang Hao shifting Matthew higher, lining his cock up with his hole, until he’s using his hand on his waist to help him sink down.
Matthew’s mouth drops open, letting Zhang Hao’s fingers fall, a strangled sound escaping like he got punched from his chest. He sounds absolutely wrecked. Hanbin’s cock throbs, already hard and leaking again, but he pays no attention to it; too focused on the scene in front of him, watching Zhang Hao’s cock disappear deeper and deeper inside Matthew.
The slide is easy , Matthew loose and wet, mixture of lube and come leaking out when Zhang Hao bottoms out completely. Hanbin doesn’t know if he’s blinked yet. Zhang Hao pulls out slightly, before fucking back in roughly, pulling a high pitched whine out of Matthew.
“I’m,” he starts, strained. “I’m — not gonna last.”
Zhang Hao laughs roughly, kissing his neck. “Mmm, me neither.”
He makes eye contact with Hanbin then, and Hanbin lets out a pathetic sound at the sight of him, his gaze piercing. Hanbin brings himself closer to them, movingalmost on autopilot, Matthew letting out a cry when Zhang Hao fucks up particularly hard. His hand reaches out blindly for Hanbin and Hanbin meets him in the middle, letting Matthew pull him forward, wrapping his fingers around his cock.
“Oh,” Hanbin breathes out, feeling Matthew twitch in his hand. He strokes up firmly once, twice, as Zhang Hao fucks up hard into him, and Matthew comes.
For how loud he’s been, his orgasm hits with a noiseless scream, face scrunching up but no sound escaping. Hanbin watches in awe as Matthew's cock jerks into his fist, his come coating his fingers. Zhang Hao hips grind in hard, and then he’s biting down on Matthew’s shoulder as he follows him down.
Hanbin strokes Matthew through it, petting Zhang Hao’s thigh with his free hand as both of them ride it out. His own cock jerks pathetically against his stomach, but he can’t look away from them, can’t stop touching both of them, staring at them.
Zhang Hao groans as he leans back against the headboard, pushing his sweaty hair back off of his forehead. Matthew falls slightly onto Hanbin, the heat of his back firm against Hanbin’s chest. At this angle, he puts pressure against Hanbin’s dick, and Hanbin lets out a whimper, cock oversensitive and reacting to the slightest touch.
Matthew twists around at the noise, wincing when the movement causes Zhang Hao’s cock to fall out of him, slick with come. He steadies himself, though his expression is fucked out, cheeks blotchy.
“Can I?” Matthew asks. His voice is hoarse.. Hanbin wants to tell him it’s fine, that he can take care of it himself, that Matthew should rest, but instead he finds himself nodding.
Matthew doesn’t hesitate to wrap his fingers around Hanbin’s shaft, still sticky with excess lube. Hanbin groans, hips fucking up into Matthew's grip as Matthew strokes him, twisting his wrist around the base. Hanbin’s eyes flutter shut, falling back against the wall, not noticing when the bed shifts until he feels a second hand join Matthew's and his whole body jolts.
“Ha,” Hanbin whines, the slick sounds of their hands reverberating in his ears. They both feel so different around him, Zhang Hao’s grip loose while Matthew’s is firmer, Zhang Hao’s fingers bonier. He’s not going to fucking last like this, already too pent up and sensitive from his first orgasm.
They both jerk him off like that, together, until Hanbin loses it, fucking into their fists as he comes for the second time that night. His cock spurts weakly into their grip, and he feels like all his strings were cut as his whole body slouches, blinking his eyes open.
They’re both watching him, fondly, and Hanbin’s heart feels like his chest is going to explode.
“Fuck,” he chokes, before tears well up in his eyes and begin spill over. He scrubs at his face to no avail.
Concerned looks immediately take over Zhang Hao and Matthew’s faces, before they’re pulling Hanbin into them, all of them falling over in a messy pile onto the bed. Hands brush gently through his hair, his back, letting Hanbin cry it all out into someone’s (Matthew’s) shoulder. He knows he’s going to feel completely embarrassed by this later, but right now he just feels so much, emotions overflowing.
He’s so fucking happy.
There’s a sniffle above him, which causes him to look up, confused. Matthew is blinking hard, trying to will his own tears away. Hanbin just lets out a wet laugh, poking him in the forehead.
“You can’t cry when I’m crying, that’s just unfair; you know how I feel about you crying,” Hanbin jokes, voice cracking. He’s at least smiling now though, Matthew trying to look away from him even as a slow line of tears drips down his cheeks.
“You were just so — what was I supposed to do!” Matthew pouts. Hanbin wants to kiss him, so he does, lips wet when they meet. When they break apart, Zhang Hao is grabbing at Hanbin’s chin, turning him to face him so he can dab at his face with his discarded shirt, cleaning him up. He huffs, doing the same to Matthew.
“Thank fucking god you guys have me, you’re both a mess,” Zhang Hao says as he rolls his eyes, but he looks so fond and soft that Hanbin just smiles at him. He kisses him too, for good measure, for once catching him off guard
Hanbin falls back into them, content. He knows that they are probably, definitely, going to have to talk more but for now — for now, he’s here, with them both, and that’s fine.
Everything is good.