Work Text:
A transcription of the first of the CRAFT TAPES, a series of recordings documenting the worldwide disaster known as the APOCALYPSE. The two speakers of the tapes are referred to as WILBUR SOOT CRAFT and TECHNOBLADE CRAFT, as they introduce themselves in this tape.
The tapes were found packed in a cardboard box and wrapped with duct tape. The tapes were unlabeled, and researchers have made their best attempts to organize the tapes in chronological order.
These tapes have been transcribed by researcher PHIL WATSON.
[Click]
[PHIL WATSON]
Hello, I’m Phil Watson, and I’m…well. I’m both a researcher and an archivist, working with historical information regarding human tragedies. I’ve worked here for a few years now, in fact, but this is my first day with the tapes.
I mean, I’ve listened to the tapes before. Everyone has. Or they’ve read a transcript of the tapes. They’re taught in schools, to the older kids. But this is the first time I’ve seen the original tapes.
I’ve been assigned an assistant, Tommy Innes. He’s young, doing an internship or something like that, but he’s been helpful so far.
(Pause)
Right. My job.
Everything recorded here is a documentation of the Craft Tapes, the recordings found in an abandoned house detailing the events of the Apocalypse. We have the originals, but they’re delicate, and everyone is worried that the film will snap. So it’s my job to re-record these tapes and make sure we have a record of them. For future generations, and all.
Also because these tapes are one of the few solid accounts we have of the Apocalypse. It’s not like many people were taking notes. Most of the other accounts are rambling and dubious at best. The Craft tapes cover quite a few events, though the information is limited to the knowledge of the narrators. But combined with the other accounts we have, it helps build a bigger picture of the years during the Apocalypse.
The tape you are about to hear is Tape 001, the assumed first recording of the Craft Tapes.
[Click]
[Click]
[TECHNOBLADE]
Testing, testing. One, two, three, is this workin’?
(Footsteps)
[WILBUR]
What are you doing?
[TECHNOBLADE]
I found a box of old recorders. They don't need batteries, or need to be charged, y’know?
[WILBUR]
Yo! That’s cool. That would be great for documenting everything that’s happening. So when this is all over, we could give them to historians to learn about all of this. Think about it, who’s going to document the literal apocalypse?
[TECHNOBLADE]
Or, y’know. Someone will find them. These things are like cockroaches, they last forever. It’s like nothing can damage them.
(Long pause)
[WILBUR]
What exactly are you implying?
[TECHNOBLADE]
I’m implyin’ that we’re going to be dead before anyone listens to this. If anyone ever finds this.
[WILBUR]
There’s no need to be so blunt.
[TECHNOBLADE]
I don’t see any way we’re gettin’ out of this. There are natural disasters everywhere. Last time we turned on the radio they were talking about how Canada is covered in volcanic ash. And there’s that virus.
[WILBUR]
Right. Right.
[TECHNOBLADE]
There’s nothing we can do, Wilbur. We’re stuck here.
[WILBUR]
You and I, we’re nothing but unwilling eyewitnesses to a horror that history has never seen before. But all the same, we’re still here. And we can document what is happening.
[TECHNOBLADE]
You want to just talk about everything and record it? Why?
[WILBUR]
I like to think that someone will find this, and listen to it someday. Maybe it’ll be a source of information, a documentation of the horrors that humanity managed to survive, against all odds.
[TECHNOBLADE]
Like, this will end up in a museum someday?
[WILBUR]
You never know. Maybe civilization will look different after this. But they’ll still teach history. Humanity always does.
[TECHNOBLADE]
Heh. Picture our names written in a history book somewhere. Technoblade and Wilbur Craft.
[WILBUR]
The twins who documented the apocalypse.
[TECHNOBLADE]
Sounds cringe, if I’m bein’ honest.
[WILBUR]
(Laughter)
Of course you would think that. Here, give me the-
(Scuffling sounds and fabric rustling)
[TECHNOBLADE]
You could’ve just asked, y’know.
[WILBUR]
Yeah, yeah. We should introduce ourselves. So whoever listens to this will know who we are.
(Clears throat)
I’m Wilbur Soot Craft. And this is my twin-
[TECHNOBLADE]
Technoblade Craft.
[WILBUR]
(Scoffs)
You should say your real name. So they’ll be able to find us in old records.
[TECHNOBLADE]
Nah.
[WILBUR]
Your loss. No one is going to know what to do with you when they listen to this.
[TECHNOBLADE]
I think I can live with that.
(Long silence)
[WILBUR]
Right, so. It’s October 14th, 2016. I know this because Techno and I have been keeping track of the days on a calendar.
(Muttered)
I’m not sure what we’re going to do about next year, but…
(Louder)
The Apocalypse started in January, a few days after our birthday. We’re nineteen, by the way. Everything started with the moon. It was normal one night, and the next it was…
[TECHNOBLADE]
Bigger. It was bigger and took up half the sky.
[WILBUR]
Yeah. That’s when everything started. The tsunamis and earthquakes and storms. It was just a fucking mess.
(Laughter)
No one really knew what to do.
[TECHNOBLADE]
It took people a day or two to actually notice, which is kinda stupid if you ask me, but the stars were brighter, too. Like they were closer than they should be.
[WILBUR]
Oh yeah, they were. Or, are, I suppose. They’re definitely way closer to Earth than they used to be. And so is the moon. It still takes up most of the sky. It’s weird, to say the least.
(Pause)
Techno what were the first few things?
[TECHNOBLADE]
Uh…
Venice was the first, I think. The internet was still workin’ then, and there were all these reports about how Venice was underwater because of an earthquake, or somethin’ like that. That was in the first couple weeks. Canada was in July.
[WILBUR]
The ash. From volcanoes.
[TECHNOBLADE]
Yep. We heard about that one on the radio. And rumors about the virus started sometime in July. We still don’t know much about it though. Just that there’s somethin’ out there, and people are getting sick.
[WILBUR]
I guess we’ll just need to be careful then.
(Long pause)
I think that’s everything for now. I don’t want to record too much on the first day. We’ve only just found these, after all. I’ll try to explain more later, but I think there are records of the first few weeks. Or there should be records. I hope whoever is listening to this is able to find them.
[TECHNOBLADE]
Are you trying to do some fancy sign-off or somethin’?
[WILBUR]
(Dramatically)
Yes, Techno, that is exactly what I’m doing. So, Wilbur Soot Craft, signing off.
(Long pause)
[TECHNOBLADE]
(Groans)
Technoblade Craft, signing off.
[Click]
[Click]
[PHIL WATSON]
That’s everything from the first tape. It’s not all that much, but it’s more than we knew before we found the tapes. And this is only the tip of what the twins discuss on the series of tapes.
Regarding the information they spoke of, Wilbur Soot Craft was right when he said that there should be records. It appears as if the internet functioned for approximately seventeen days into the Apocalypse, and there are plenty of news reports and first-hand accounts posted during that time period. And Technoblade Craft was correct when he stated that Venice had sunk within the first two weeks. There was plenty of information regarding that incident.
The next few of the Craft Tapes begin to cover periods of time that were previously considered to be completely undocumented. Those will be the next to be re-recorded and preserved.
Phil Watson, signing off.
[Click]