A Not-So-Secret Admirer

by joosi

Summary:

"Oh, come on," a voice from the other side of a bookshelf whispered excitedly. "Have you not seen the way James has been looking at him?"

James?

The stranger suddenly had Regulus' full attention.

"I mean, to me, he looks at him the same way he always has," a second voice joined.

"And how has he always looked at him, then?" they questioned.

Who are they talking about? Regulus wondered, far too nosy for his own good.

"I assume just as his best mate's little brother, and not much else."

What?

Or, Regulus keeps hearing people talk about how James Potter fancies him, and discovers some rather similar things about himself along the way.

Notes:

i saw a tiktok about a month ago and was inspired to write this. i love dumb idiots in love.

enjoy :)

Chapter 1

It was his first weekend back at Hogwarts since before the summer holidays and Regulus was in the library, choosing to spend his free time alone with a good book.

 

That was when he heard it for the first time.

 

"Oh, come on ," a voice from the other side of a bookshelf whispered excitedly. "Have you not seen the way James has been looking at him?"

 

James?

 

The stranger suddenly had Regulus' full attention.

 

"I mean, to me, he looks at him the same way he always has," a second voice joined. It sounded like Marlene McKinnon, whose voice was only familiar to Regulus because she was Dorcas' girlfriend and therefore hung around the Slytherin's often.

 

Regulus couldn't identify the person the first voice belonged to.

 

"And how has he always looked at him, then?" they questioned.

 

Who are they talking about? Regulus wondered, far too nosy for his own good.

 

Marlene didn't speak for a moment, seeming to hesitate. "Uh, I don't know. I don't pay that much attention to the way James looks at people, Mary," she eventually responded.

 

Mary. Regulus tried to recall a face he could put to the name.

 

"Okay, but you must've noticed at some point that James obviously doesn't see him the same way he used to," Mary—Regulus assumed it was Mary MacDonald, fellow Gryffindor to Marlene—insisted.

 

"How did he used to see him?" Marlene asked.

 

Regulus shifted toward the shelf to hear better.

 

"I assume just as his best mate's little brother, and not much else."

 

What?

 

The gears in Regulus' brain turned, piecing the story together slowly but surely.

 

James. Best mate. That would be Sirius. Sirius' little brother…

 

Regulus stopped breathing for a moment.

 

No.

 

Marlene hummed thoughtfully. "I guess so," she said. "So you're saying he's recently been seeing Regulus in a… different way?"

 

Regulus. Me. They're talking about me.

 

"Yes," Mary confirmed. "I think James has finally noticed Regulus is attractive . He probably had some huge revelation the moment he stepped onto the train and spotted him."

 

Marlene snorted. "I can already imagine what Sirius' reaction will be if you're right and his best mate really is drooling over his baby brother."

 

Mary cackled. "Oh, we absolutely cannot tell him. It'll be best to wait until James starts to act on his desires."

 

"Shouldn't be too long from now," Marlene pointed out. "James is quite determined when it comes to pursuing those he likes."

 

Those he likes.

 

Regulus abruptly stood up from the library chair he had been sitting in, no longer in the mood for reading or being alone. He had to tell someone about this or it would indubitably push him to the brink of insanity.

 

As he hurried out of the library, he caught a glimpse of Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald sitting at a table together, pausing their gossip session to watch him flee.

 

☆

 

The first person Regulus wanted to talk to was Pandora, but she'd mentioned the day before she would be working on a transfiguration essay and he didn't want to interrupt her (but he was more so too lazy to walk all the way to the Ravenclaw tower).

 

His next options were Barty and Evan. The only issue with them was they were birds of a feather; a package deal, like a pair of shoes; if Regulus told Evan, he would have to tell Barty too, and that wasn't something he wanted to do because Barty was a massive blabbermouth.

 

If there was one thing Barty was more attached to than Evan, it was gossip.

 

So, those two were off the table and would only cause Regulus more problems if they found out. He didn't want the entire school to hear about and join in on Mary MacDonald's delusions.

 

He couldn't tell Dorcas, because she would tell Marlene and then Mary would find out from one or both of them. Then there would be a possibility of the two of them bothering him about it to his face.

 

He would rather drown than have to deal with that.

 

Without Dorcas, that meant the only people Regulus had left were… Well, no one. He didn't have anyone left to talk to about what he'd witnessed, unless he wanted to go to Sirius and be scolded for the rest of his life for provoking James , which he hadn't even done. At least not intentionally.

 

Regulus rounded the corner of a corridor, still walking at a brisk pace, and was so deep in thought that he ran into someone. Literally.

 

"Oh—" the other person made a surprised noise as their bodies collided.

 

Regulus was more startled than in pain, although his foot had been stepped on. He looked up, expecting the worst; an angry professor perhaps, and was taken aback by the sight of none other than James Potter standing right in front of him.

 

Oh no.

 

Regulus tensed and his face grew warm out of embarrassment. He hoped it wasn't obvious that he was well aware of James' newfound… feelings toward him. If Mary was correct, that was.

 

She's not, he sternly reminded himself.

 

"Watch where you're going, Potter," he snapped.

 

"Oh, hey, Reg," James said, once he overcame his surprise. "I mean—sorry, Reg. I wasn't paying attention."

 

Reg. What happened to him calling me Reggie?

 

Regulus blinked. "Me neither."

 

James coughed, a bit awkwardly. "Are you in a rush to get somewhere?" he asked.

 

He had been, but because all of his friends were either busy or addicted to gossip, he supposed he wasn't anymore.

 

"Not particularly," Regulus answered. "Why?"

 

James shrugged casually, his hands in the pockets of his trousers. "Nothing, really. Just curious."

 

Regulus raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Okay…"

 

He began to walk around James to leave, when a hand clasped onto his wrist, dragging him back.

 

"Wait—" James blurted out. "Ah, sorry about that." He released Regulus' arm.

 

Regulus glared up at him, having nothing better to do. "What do you want?"

 

James shifted in the place where he stood. "I just wanted to say…"

 

From the way he trailed off, Regulus could tell he didn't have anything specific to say. Perhaps he just wanted to talk to Regulus.

 

You're an absolute idiot if you think that, Regulus told himself.

 

"Well, get on with it then," Regulus spoke. "I don't have all the time in the world."

 

James' eyes darted up to meet his. "Right, sorry. I just wanted to let you know you look… nice."

 

"I look nice?" Regulus repeated, somewhat startled by the words.

 

"That's a shit compliment, I know," James laughed a little. "But it's true."

 

Regulus felt as if he was frozen in place. "Thank you?" He hadn't intended for it to come out sounding like a question, but he was genuinely confused.

 

"Well, I've got to go now. See you around, Reg." James gave him a slight wave and a small smile, then rounded the corner and was gone.

 

Regulus was left standing there like an idiot, bursting with strange news to tell his friends. Except he couldn't.

 

Merlin, what happened to him?

 

The James whom Regulus was used to wouldn't have been that awkward. He would have flirted with him or teased him or done anything other than compliment him directly. He was supposed to be annoying. Infuriating, even.

 

Regulus wasn't sure if he liked this version of James or not.

Chapter 2

The second time Regulus heard it, he was in the Great Hall for dinner. Only three days had passed since the first.

 

"Barty, if you don't give my fork back to me right now, you better pray to Merlin I don't murder you." Dorcas reached across the wide table in an attempt to grab her utensil.

 

Barty yelped. "Calm down , Dorcas," he said. "Fine, fine , take your goddamn fork back. I didn't want it anyway."

 

Evan snorted, amused with Barty's antics as usual. Regulus was more entertained by the fear that flooded his face when he realized messing with Dorcas wasn't the best idea he'd ever had. Barty hadn't yet learned his lesson though, continuing to annoy her despite her previous reactions.

 

Regulus shook his head, stabbing a piece of broccoli with his own fork. He was about to poke fun at Barty for not knowing better, when he heard someone nearby say his name.

 

He turned his head, but didn't find anyone he knew wanting to gain his attention. Now he was unsure if he'd even heard correctly.

 

But there it was again:

 

"It's Regulus, I'm telling you!"

 

Regulus' gaze landed on two younger Slytherins not too far down the table from where he and his friends were. He didn't recognize them.

 

"Why would he be staring at Regulus Black like that? Merlin, Stephanie, you've gone delusional."

 

Stephanie huffed. "If you would just turn around , you'd see for yourself," she responded, rather bitterly.

 

"Too bad I'm not going to." Not-Stephanie sipped her drink.

 

Stephanie raised an accusing eyebrow. "Oh? And why's that, Maggie?" she asked, although she clearly already knew the answer. "Is it perhaps because you refuse to believe James Potter could ever fancy anyone other than you?"

 

James. Regulus realized. They're talking about James. Staring. At me.

 

Immediately, his eyes darted over to the Gryffindor table where Jamss Potter sat. He seemed to be preoccupied, barely touching his food because Sirius had apparently just said something hilarious. He wasn't looking at Regulus.

 

Why would he be? Regulus asked himself.

 

Himself answered, I don't know.

 

James wasn't looking at anyone else, though. So…

 

"I am done with you pretending James Potter is into you, Maggie!" Stephanie exclaimed, gaining more than just Regulus' attention.

 

"I never said he was!" Maggie shot back. "All I want is to have one harmless crush on a boy without you turning it into something it's not."

 

"That's a load of bullshit, and you know it." Stephanie pointed her finger at Maggie angrily. More than half the Slytherin table was paying attention now, and the other House tables weren't exactly ignoring them. "That crush you had on Ian wasn't anything close to harmless."

 

"Ian never had feelings for you anyway," Maggie retorted. "And it absolutely was harmless on my part. You made me the bad guy, when it was him all along."

 

Stephanie glared at her. "Do I have to let everyone in this goddamn dining hall know how you were the reason he cheated on me?"

 

Barty nudged Regulus. "Are you done watching the show?"

 

Regulus turned his attention back to his friends, although it was difficult to focus on them while Maggie screamed defensively at Stephanie.

 

"Are you leaving?" Regulus asked.

 

"Once Evan finishes his food, yeah," he told him. "We're going to the library. Probably not to study, but if anyone asks, that's definitely what we're doing."

 

Regulus nodded. They would be gossiping about Stephanie and Maggie's quarrel, no doubt.

 

Dorcas' spot was now empty, so Regulus assumed she had gone off with her girlfriend, as she often did after dinner. For confirmation, he scanned the Gryffindor table for Marlene, and sure enough, she wasn't—

 

Oh.

 

Regulus nearly choked on the food he'd already swallowed.

 

"Regulus?" Barty patted him on the back. "Evan and I are leaving now. Don't choke and die while we're gone."

 

Regulus nodded slightly, but he was barely even listening because that was quite difficult to accomplish when James Potter was looking—no, full-on staring —at him. Regulus began to make excuses in his head (oh, he's just watching Maggie and Stephanie's argument) , when James blinked and quickly directed his eyes away.

 

Regulus refused to do the same, so his eyes stayed there, watching James and waiting for his next move.

 

James hesitantly lifted his gaze, only to freeze like a deer caught in headlights and turn his head in the opposite direction immediately afterward.

 

Well, that confirmed it, then: James had indeed been looking at Regulus.

 

But why? he wondered, ignoring the part of his brain that suggested perhaps Mary MacDonald was right.

 

James stood up from the Gryffindor table, half-heartedly laughing at something his friend—Peter, if Regulus remembered correctly—said. Sirius punched James playfully in the shoulder as he stood up, to which Remus Lupin shook his head fondly at.

 

Regulus was positive Remus fancied Sirius, at the very least. At the very most , Remus was irrevocably and intensely in love with him, gone before Sirius had ever gotten the chance to utter one of his stupid ideas to him. Regulus hadn't even been able to warn the poor boy, that's how quickly he had obviously fallen.

 

Only once James and Sirius and their gaggle of friends exited the Great Hall did Regulus notice how empty the tables had gotten. He searched the Ravenclaw table for Pandora, but she was already gone, despite typically being one of the last people remaining after meals.

 

Regulus sighed and decided he would look for her elsewhere. He still hadn't mentioned Mary's (and apparently also Stephanie's) theories to anyone. However, some part of him knew he was much too embarrassed to tell even his closest friends.

 

Merlin, this is so ridiculous. James doesn't have any interest in me whatsoever, let alone romantic feelings.

 

Regulus would rather die than admit he was beginning to understand how the opposite could be somewhat true.

☆

 

Regulus woke early the next morning for quidditch practice.

 

He wasn't particularly fond of the sport, and he certainly didn't want to wake up at the ungodly hour of five o'clock every time there was team practice, but he had even less desire to join the other teams and clubs Hogwarts offered.

 

He had attempted to join the Herbology club in third year, but after an embarrassing incident with an alihotsy plant, he decided the greenhouse wasn't for him.

 

Besides, he was much better at quidditch. Some even argued that he was the best on the Slytherin team.

 

Regulus dressed himself in his quidditch uniform so he wouldn't have to endure the awkwardness of the changing room. He slipped out of the room he shared with Evan and Barty, who were still asleep, and headed down to the pitch to meet the rest of the team.

 

The corridors of Hogwarts were empty at this hour, so walking from the dungeons to the pitch outside was quite peaceful. Regulus enjoyed it, which said something, as he wasn't one to enjoy just anything.

 

When he made it outside he saw that the sun hadn't yet risen. He took a deep breath. Early practices were worth it, if only for moments like these.

 

Regulus remembered how, in their fourth year, he and Pandora would wake up once a week promptly at dawn to watch the sun rise. They only stopped because quidditch practices had made him dislike early mornings.

 

Speaking of Pandora, Regulus still hadn't had the opportunity to tell her what he witnessed. She hadn't been in the Ravenclaw wing of the castle or the Slytherin one. He was going to check the library, and perhaps visit Barty and Evan even if Pandora wasn't there, but he'd run into the captain of the Slytherin quidditch team, who'd advised him to go to bed so he would be better prepared for practice.

 

As much as Regulus would've liked to argue with him, he realized he was rather tired. He blamed the commotion at dinner.

 

So, Pandora was still unaware, and Regulus was becoming impatient. He was in desperate need of someone to talk to, so much so that he was even considering Barty at that point. But he refrained from doing so, solely because when Barty had returned from the library with Evan, the topic of Stephanie and Maggie still hadn't died down.

 

Regulus refused to fuel Barty's gossip addiction with the information he had.

 

As he neared the quidditch pitch, he spotted a cluster of red and gold.

 

Gryffindors.

 

Regulus internally groaned, annoyed, but a part of him hoped… Well, if he hoped James was among the group it was purely because he wanted to see if James had any unusual reaction to his presence. Like a research mission.

 

He didn't understand why or how the Gryffindor team was out on pitch this early, but he couldn't say he was surprised to see them. They were known for being dedicated to quidditch practice, always having the nerve to show up in between time slots—or way before, like today—so they wouldn't have to book their own.

 

Regulus grabbed a broom from the shed, measuring its weight and build with his hands. It wasn't as great as his own, being a piece of school equipment and all, but it would do just fine for the time being.

 

He caught a glimpse of the Slytherin captain a short distance away from him and decided he would let him deal with the intruding Gryffindor team.

 

Sure enough, a few moments later the Gryffindors fled the pitch, scared off by the Slytherin captain's harsh words.

 

Regulus nearly laughed when one member of the team tripped and fell midway up the hill. His (very stupid) heart leaped in his chest when he realized it was James. Regulus walked over to him, because he could never give up an opportunity to insult the boy.

 

"Oh," James said when he noticed Regulus looming over him, standing next to his head. "Hi, Reg. Don't mind me, just doing a bit of sunbathing."

 

"The sun isn't out yet, Potter."

 

James closed his eyes and rolled over, his face pointing up at the sky. Regulus refused to acknowledge how pretty he was.

 

"Is it not?" James asked.

 

Regulus huffed. "You're an idiot," he said. "A fucking clumsy idiot."

 

James opened his eyes, and oh, they were such a beautiful hue of green. "Oh, Reg, you know I've always been clumsy."

 

"If you hadn't been stealing our pitch time this wouldn't have happened."

 

"Stealing?" James repeated, sitting up a little. "Your time slot hasn't even begun yet. Anyway, are you going to help me up, or not?"

 

Regulus pretended to ponder the answer to that. "Hmm… no."

 

James flopped back onto the grass and groaned. "You wound me, love."

 

Love.

 

And, well, Regulus had said he wasn't sure if he liked the new, awkward version of James, hadn't he? So, here was the flirtatious boy Regulus was used to, but for some reason, it was so different from how it had been before.

 

Nothing had changed on his end, yet… His cheeks were warm and probably pink and it was embarrassing and oh, Regulus really didn't like being the flustered one out of the two of them. Or maybe—maybe he did like it, just a little.

 

No. Shit. Fuck. Merlin.

 

"Don't call me that," Regulus snapped. He was never the best at handling his feelings.

 

Please call me that again.

 

Regulus scolded himself, James is the one who allegedly likes you , dumbass. Quit acting weird.

 

"You always have an issue with that name." James grinned teasingly, then held out his hand. "Fine, I'll stop if you help me get up."

 

And if Regulus just happened to walk away, leaving James Potter on the ground, it was only because he didn't want to be seen helping him. Okay?

Notes:

it's actually very canon that regulus loves when james calls him "love"

Chapter 3

The third time Regulus heard it was in the middle of the night, the whispers of two of his closest friends interrupting his sleep.

 

"I just think… Well, from what I've seen, they're kind of obvious," Barty whispered.

 

"Regulus' feelings? Or James'?" Evan replied, equally as quiet.

 

Huh?

 

Regulus was much too sleepy to properly comprehend anything he was hearing, but he caught the gist of the situation when he heard his name next to James'.

 

Not this again, he internally groaned. And my own friends? Traitors.

 

"Both, I guess," Barty answered. "But mostly Regulus. I can't believe people are only talking about James."

 

Other people are talking about James' supposed feelings? Wait— my feelings? What feelings?

 

"I know! It's probably because he's Gryffindor's golden boy and all, but you'd think people would be invested in both sides of the love story."

 

Love story?

 

"I also can't believe we just found out about this!" Barty sounded excited. "Like, I knew those girls had been talking about it before their argument at dinner, but I didn't know everyone else was too."

 

Everyone?

 

Regulus hoped Barty was exaggerating by saying that. It made sense that he and Evan would discover a piece of gossip long before it became known around the entire population of Hogwarts. However, he was making it sound like they were late to the game.

 

"It's sort of weird," Evan said.

 

"That Regulus fancies his brother's best mate?" Barty responded. "Or that James fancies his best mate's brother?"

 

I fancy James? Regulus hadn't been made aware.

 

Evan hummed. "Both, but also the fact that it's the beginning of sixth year and this is the first time we've ever heard of Regulus actually liking someone."

 

They were right. Sure, there were always people Regulus found objectively attractive, and even people he'd been attracted to, but his feelings never went beyond those individual's looks or snogging skills.

 

"True," Barty agreed. "Maybe he's liked James this whole time."

 

What?

 

"Do you really think that's a possibility?" Evan asked.

 

"I don't see why not."

 

"Wouldn't we have noticed it years ago, then?"

 

Barty probably shrugged. "I mean, we didn't notice it ourselves until we heard the rumor this afternoon."

 

That was when Regulus accidently shifted in his bed a little too loudly, causing his friends' gossip session to pause.

 

"Evan, did you hear that?" Barty whispered.

 

"Do you think he's awake?" Evan asked, sounding rather panicked.

 

"Shit, did you put a silencing charm up?"

 

"What?" Evan replied. "I thought you did."

 

"No, I didn't because I thought you did!"

 

"Barty!" Evan groaned quietly. "Do you think he heard?"

 

Regulus decided to cut the nonsense and make this moment of their lives less stressful. Or perhaps it would do the opposite.

 

"I heard you, and I still can," he interrupted, not bothering to whisper.

 

Barty and Evan must've frozen, unable to think of the right thing to say. There wasn't really a right thing to say at all, and Regulus assumed they knew that.

 

After a moment, Barty cleared his throat. "Oh… Hey, Regulus. You're awake, mate. My best mate, in fact. Love you."

 

"Barty, don't make this weird," Evan muttered.

 

"Is it not weird already?" Barty wondered aloud. "We've just been sat here, gossiping about someone who's been right next door, listening the whole time."

 

"You're also both in Evan's bed in the middle of the night," Regulus rolled his eyes. "I bet you're hiding under the covers like it's a sleepover, too."

 

"How did he know we're under the covers?" Barty whispered frantically.

 

Regulus snorted, amused. "Do you two do this often?"

 

There was no response.

 

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, guys, don't be embarrassed ." Regulus was in the mood to tease them, especially after what they had done.

 

"I'm not embarrassed!" Barty insisted, before lowering his voice and presumably leaning closer to Evan, "Are you embarrassed?"

 

"No," Evan replied, loudly enough for Regulus to hear. That meant he was about to say something Regulus would not appreciate. "It's perfectly normal for two guys to share a bed. I bet you wish you had such an opportunity with—"

 

"No," Regulus interrupted. "I don't know what you've heard, but none of it is true."

 

"You're telling us James Potter hasn't been yearning for you since we got back from the summer holiday?" Barty asked, sounding annoyingly doubtful.

 

"That's exactly what I'm telling you. Also that there's been no fancying on my part either."

 

A pause. Regulus knew his friends well enough to know they were giving each other a look. One that conveyed all of their shared thoughts and allowed them to communicate without Regulus hearing.

 

"Alright, Reg," Evan said.

 

"Whatever you say," Barty said.

 

They went quiet again.

 

"I'm telling the truth," Regulus said. "James means nothing to me."

 

As soon as the words escaped his mouth he wished he could take them back; he regretted them immediately. He didn't know why. It was true, wasn't it? James Potter was absolutely nothing more than his brother's best friend and occasionally a nuisance.

 

Barty gasped, dramatically.

 

"See, that's where we can prove you wrong," Evan said, causing Barty to gasp again.

 

"How?" Regulus asked, genuinely unsure.

 

"You never call him James," Barty pointed out. "It's always Potter, coming from you. Never his first name."

 

Regulus felt stupid for not realizing that before them.

 

"So, Regulus…" Evan sounded mischievous. Regulus didn't like it. "Tell us, then. What changed?"

 

Regulus didn't know. Perhaps the thought of James having real romantic feelings for him had messed with his own feelings. Surely that was it. He couldn't recall any other pivotal moment involving him and James.

 

Except…

 

Except, when Regulus really thought about it now, James calling him dumb pet names and directing his stupid smile at him and making him blush by doing so certainly had to mean something.

 

Except, when James was around, he always felt inexplicably warm and fuzzy and nice, even if James hadn't done anything but stand in the same room as him.

 

Except all of that, and more, had been happening for years.

 

If Regulus took a trip down memory lane, all the way back to his very first year at Hogwarts, he could vividly remember encountering James Potter for the first time. Before that, James had only been a character in Sirius' stories about school; a fragment of Regulus' imagination. But upon meeting him, Regulus had been awestruck, although he hated to admit it. James had stood in front of him, shaken his hand like Fleamont and Euphemia had raised him to, and told him he was much better looking than Sirius.

 

Sirius, of course, hadn't taken that very well and dragged James away promptly afterward, but Regulus hadn't been able to get that boy off of his mind the whole day. Perhaps it had been weeks, or even months. Apparently, unbeknownst to Regulus mere minutes ago, James had been on his mind for years.

 

So, maybe nothing had changed at all. Maybe Barty was right. Maybe Regulus had fancied James this whole time.

 

"Fuck."

 

"Are you alright in there?" Evan asked, his amusement evident in his tone.

 

Barty snickered. Regulus groaned. Barty snickered some more and Evan let out a short laugh.

 

"Shut up," Regulus mumbled.

 

"What's that?" Barty asked, pretending he hadn't heard. "Regulus Black is in love with James Potter and has been since he was eleven years old? Oh, alright then."

 

"Give him a break, love," Evan told Barty, but continued laughing anyway.

 

"Oh, stop ," Regulus whined, shoving his face into his pillow. "James calls me love."

 

"Merlin, he's gone ," Barty whispered. "Hang on a second, Evan, why are you calling me love?"

 

"Um." A stretch of silence. "Well—"

 

"Oh, what's that?" Regulus interrupted, smirking into his pillow. "Evan Rosier is in love with Bartemius Crouch Junior and has been since… How long, Evan? Tell us."

 

"Since never," Evan said. "Don't go changing the subject now, Regulus Potter."

 

"We're not in primary school."

 

"Reg, he's got a point, you can't change the subject" Barty said. "Wait, no—Evan, are you actually in love with m—"

 

"Regulus, look what you've done!" Evan exclaimed, his voice clearer now.

 

Regulus assumed he'd scrambled out of the bed to escape Barty, even though the bed was, in fact, his own.

 

"This is what you get for making me acknowledge my feelings."

 

"Evan?" Barty called out, sounding like he was sticking his face out of the bed curtains and searching for his friend. "Come back here."

 

All of a sudden, Regulus' own curtains opened, making him jump. Evan put a finger over his mouth, signaling for him to be quiet. 

 

Regulus rolled his eyes and mouthed, Are you actually in love with him?

 

Evan's cheeks turned pink, and after a moment of hesitation he nodded, slowly but surely.

 

"Reg, do you know where Evan went?" Barty asked, sounding closer than before.

 

Evan's eyes widened and he crawled under the covers, but Barty tore open the curtains and saw him anyway.

 

"I love you too, you know."

 

Evan's head shot up. "What?"

 

Barty smiled. It was a real smile, one that Regulus wasn't used to seeing because it was reserved for Evan, probably. He was definitely intruding, but, well, it was his bed, and he was too nosy to move.

 

"I love you," Barty repeated himself. "Romantically, I mean. So, if Regulus really did figure something out there… I'm all yours."

 

Evan blinked, his blush darkening. "Oh." He looked at Barty like he wasn't real. "Sorry—Yeah, okay, sure. Please."

 

Regulus fought the urge to laugh, but was unable to keep a short, amused huff to himself.

 

"Please?" Barty raised his eyebrows.

 

"Yes." Evan stared at him. "Please have me."

 

It was Barty's turn to become a flustered mess.

 

"Will you two get out of my bed before you rip each other's clothes off?" Regulus muttered.

 

"Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, Reg. Bye." Barty hadn't taken his eyes off of Evan for a second. It only took Regulus one blink for them to leave.

 

Great. Regulus thought to himself. At least some people actually have a chance with the guys they're in love with.

 

Merlin, I'm in love with James Potter.

Notes:

live laugh love rosekiller (they do need a better ship name, though)

Chapter 4

Soon enough, everyone knew of Barty and Evan's relationship.

 

A rather large part of his mind thought the people of Hogwarts would latch onto this new, juicy information and leave the theories about him and James in the past.

 

He was foolish to think that.

 

People didn't care about Evan and Barty being boyfriends as much as Regulus had thought they would, and the reason why was finally clear: Evan and Barty had always acted like a couple, so this new development was actually nothing new at all from an outside perspective.

 

Which meant Regulus and James were still being talked about.

 

Regulus couldn't say he'd believed Barty when he'd said everyone was talking about them, but after overhearing multiple conversations a day for the past week about the two of them, he understood it wasn't an exaggeration.

 

It seemed that everywhere Regulus turned there was someone who thought he and James fancied each other, or were in love, or were even already dating. Regulus could finally admit he wished that were true.

 

In the library, the Great Hall, the quidditch pitch, the Slytherin common room, and seemingly every single corridor in the castle was buzzing with the topic of Regulus Black and James Potter.

 

It was honestly exhausting to constantly be in the spotlight. Regulus wasn't sure how James managed to thrive being as well-known as he was.

 

At that point, Regulus had given up on telling Pandora anything because he was sure she'd heard about it somewhere , if not directly from Barty and Evan.

 

Regulus hated to think about it, but if he assumed Pandora was aware of the situation, he had to assume Sirius knew too. Every day he waited anxiously for his brother to come storming up to him, demanding Regulus to explain what was going on.

 

Regulus didn't know what he would tell him.

 

Oh yeah, I'm in love with your best friend. The one you've known for six whole years. Do I know what he thinks of all of this? Not a clue. He doesn't even know I feel this way about him. Goodbye, Sirius. Don't panic.

 

Absolutely not that.

 

Speaking of Sirius, Regulus was currently walking down a corridor, from potions class to charms, when he spotted his brother among the crowd of students. His eyes immediately searched for James nearby, because wherever Sirius was, he wouldn't be far behind.

 

Sure enough, the boy with glasses and messy hair was easy to spot. Regulus didn't mean to start staring, but James was… Well, he was so beautiful. How had he been in denial of the fact before? His hair was such a stupidly pretty mess on top of his head and his skin was literally glowing in the sunbeam a tall corridor window let through. He looked absolutely gorgeous—No, he was absolutely gorgeous. Regulus wanted to march right up to him and—

 

"Hi, Reggie!"

 

Sirius' voice snapped Regulus' attention away from James and back to him. Remus stood right by Sirius, their arms touching, and Peter wasn't too far away from them. James was there too, seemingly stuck in place, despite the rush of students around him. The four of them were looking at Regulus, thanks to Sirius.

 

James is looking at you, he reminded himself.

 

Regulus raised his eyebrows in a confused greeting. It wasn't often that Sirius acknowledged him in the middle of a busy corridor.

 

"Tell your friends I'm proud of them!" Sirius shouted across the hall.

 

Regulus didn't mean to, but he smiled. He was proud of Barty and Evan too, more than they could ever know.

 

He nodded and continued on his way to his next class before James' eyes on him made him any more flustered.

 

Unfortunately for him, when he entered the charms classroom, the first thing he heard was James' name, which severely weakened his intimidating persona.

 

Merlin, I'm pathetic.

 

That was when he heard it for the… Well, he'd lost track of exactly how many times he'd heard people gossiping about him and James.

 

Regardless, he couldn't help but eavesdrop:

 

"Yeah, I saw them on the way here," the first person, a fellow sixth year Slytherin, said.

 

"Tell me the details!" the second person, a sixth year Hufflepuff, whispered eagerly.

 

"Well," the Slytherin started. "James was with his group of friends on one side of the corridor—"

 

"Which side?" the Hufflepuff interrupted.

 

"The one by the windows."

 

"Hm, alright, go on."

 

"Regulus was on the opposite side by himself, and Sirius—"

 

"Who?"

 

"Oh, come on, mate! You can't be serious."

 

"I am," the Hufflepuff said. "I reckon he also is."

 

The Slytherin sighed. "Frida—"

 

"Really, who is he?" the Hufflepuff—Frida—asked.

 

"He's Regulus' older brother and James' best friend."

 

"Oh! The one shagging Remus Lupin?"

 

"Uh…" The Slytherin didn't have a response to that.

 

Frida gasped. "Oh, come on, you must know who Remus is!"

 

"I know of him," the Slytherin said. "I just didn't know he and Sirius…"

 

"You really need to keep up with the news these days."

 

"Sorry I'm not insanely nosy like you."

 

"Oh, whatever." Frida huffed. "Continue. What did Sirius do?"

 

"He said some things I couldn't hear, which got Regulus' attention, and James… He stopped following the others when he saw Regulus and was staring right at him the whole time."

 

Frida squealed. "Oh, Merlin, really?"

 

Really?

 

"Regulus was blushing, I think."

 

Another squeal. "Aw, he was?"

 

Was I?

 

"I still don't see the excitement in all of this," the Slytherin said.

 

"You don't see excitement in anything."

 

Regulus stopped listening. A few moments later, the charms professor walked in and the lesson began.

 

Regulus' blush still hadn't died down by the end of the period. He was too busy wondering if James really had been looking at him the way Frida's friend described it.

 

He supposed now he could ask Barty and Evan to keep an eye on James whenever he was near him. Maybe that was a bit obsessive of him, but maybe he was utterly obsessed with James Potter anyway, so it didn't really matter.

 

☆

 

"His eyes totally widened!" Barty insisted, then turned to Evan, whose face was only an inch away. "Did you see that too, babe?"

 

Evan nodded. "As soon as he saw you, Regulus, his face lit up."

 

Regulus wasn't sure if he regretted his decision or not. He raised an eyebrow at the couple in the bed next to his own, who were practically on top of each other and doing a very poor job of convincing Regulus of James' behavior toward him.

 

"I don't believe you."

 

Barty rolled his eyes dramatically. "I swear on Merlin's beard, Reg, he is smitten with you."

 

His unwavering confidence reassured Regulus more than his actual words did.

 

"We'll keep watching if you want us to," Evan said. "But I think we've seen enough to confirm how he feels about you."

 

Regulus wanted to believe them, he truly did, but his doubts overtook his hopes. He was quite the overthinker.

 

"I have an idea!" Barty suddenly announced, gaining Evan's full attention and slightly piquing Regulus' interest.

 

Regulus sighed. "What is it?"

 

"We could doll you up this weekend, find out if there are any house parties going on, and show you just how in love with you that man is."

 

"No," Regulus said, at the same time Evan kissed Barty and said, "You're a genius, love."

 

"I know." Barty kissed Evan back, then turned to Regulus, "C'mon, Reg! You'll be able to witness James' feelings firsthand, and get a chance to talk to him." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

 

Regulus knew Barty meant way more than just talking, but in reality, that's about as far as he'd ever get with James. Flirting disguised as arguing and nothing more.

 

"No," Regulus said again, "I'm not going to a party in an attempt to seduce someone who gets that treatment every time he breathes."

 

Evan and Barty shared a look before Evan asked, "How do you plan to get his attention then?"

 

"What?"

 

"You fancy him, so naturally you're going to find ways to spend more time with him," Barty said. "That usually happens subconsciously, though. If you want the boy to date you, you probably have some bigger plans, right?"

 

Regulus blinked. "Uh…"

 

"Reg!" Barty threw his hands up in disappointment.

 

Evan sighed. "Honestly, Regulus, how do you expect James to be your boyfriend if you don't put in the effort to pursue him?"

 

"I haven't really been thinking about dating him," Regulus admitted.

 

"Why not?" Evan asked, tilting his head curiously.

 

Regulus shrugged. "I've just been more focused on what other people think is going on."

 

"Oh, darling, you mustn't worry about what everyone else is saying," Barty cooed. "James is yours to woo. No one else can tell you how your little love story should or shouldn't go."

 

Regulus gave him an unimpressed look. "You say that as if you and Evan weren't trying to tell me how to successfully woo him a minute ago."

 

"We're trying to help you because we're your friends," Evan replied. "The people spreading rumors about you are not. Rather, they seem to be theorizing about romantic scenarios between you two, which has led you to believe you need to have an impossibly perfect romance with James."

 

"When, in reality, you only need to shape the romance you want," Barty added.

 

Regulus couldn't believe it; his friends were being helpful for once.

 

But because he was Regulus Black, he couldn't outright tell them he appreciated their advice. So, instead of thanking them, he stood up from his bed and said:

 

"I'm going to find James."

 

Barty raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Oh? And what are you going to do once you do?"

 

"I suppose I might…" He hadn't thought that far. "Well—"

 

"Kiss him?" Evan suggested.

 

Barty grinned. "Snog him?"

 

"Have sex with him?" Evan blinked innocently.

 

Barty smirked. "Shag him silly?"

 

"You're both the worst." Regulus' cheeks were pink. He glared at them. "I can't believe I helped you get together. What was I thinking?"

 

Evan shrugged and Barty snuggled up to him. Neither of them appeared to have any more input to offer.

 

"Alright, that's it. I'm leaving," Regulus said, faking a disgusted tone.

 

He was halfway out the door of their dorm room when Barty shouted, "Remember, sweetheart: safe sex, no regrets!"

 

"Shut the fuck up!"

 

Barty cackled.

Notes:

they're just such good friends, aren't they?

Chapter 5

Notes:

last chapter here we go :')

Regulus had no idea where James could be.

 

Well, actually, he did have an idea, but he had about a hundred others too. It was the weekend, so James would most likely be with his friends, but the thing about them was that they were always everywhere.

 

Regulus swore every time he saw them it was in someplace different from all the previous times.

 

Eventually, he decided the library would be a good place to start his search. James' friends, Remus and Lily, often dragged their group there, even in the middle of their days off when the sun was shining outside. They quite liked the library, and Regulus supposed he liked them best out of all of James' friends because of it.

 

As he entered the library, Regulus gave a curt nod to Madam Pince, the strict librarian, who did nothing in return except follow him intently with her eyes. He slipped behind a bookshelf to avoid her gaze.

 

A book with a startlingly beautiful cover distracted him from his mission for a moment, as books often did, before a familiar voice brought his attention back to reality.

 

"It's alright that you haven't spoken to him as much as we intended you to," the person said. "Besides, I'm sure he's been thinking about you plenty, anyway; it must be difficult for him to ignore the whispers in the corridors."

 

Regulus instantly recognized that voice, despite having not heard it lately.

 

It was Pandora.

 

Who is she talking to? he wondered, leaning closer to the shelf he'd heard her voice come from.

 

Another person sighed. "I just wish I didn't feel so stupid around him."

 

It was James.

 

He continued, "Maybe then I would have the confidence to talk to him whenever I see him, instead of standing there like a complete idiot."

 

Pandora laughed softly. "He's really taken the Gryffindor bravery right out of you, hasn't he?

 

"I like him so much, Pandora."

 

She let out another soft laugh. "I know you do."

 

"I feel like a stupid Hufflepuff now," James mumbled.

 

"Oh, don't say that, James," she responded, her tone light but scolding. "The Hufflepuffs haven't done anything to you."

 

"What do I do now, Pandora?" James asked, sounding rather hopeless.

 

"Perhaps you wait for Regulus to come to you."

 

Without meaning to, a small gasp escaped Regulus at the sound of his name. James Potter was talking about him. To Pandora, his best friend, of all people.

 

"Oh, please ." James snorted in disbelief. "He wouldn't willingly seek me out, and you know that."

 

Pandora hummed thoughtfully. "It would be rare, yes, but…" There was silence for a moment before she spoke again, "Well, I have a suspicion that if he really wanted to, he would come looking for you."

 

Regulus almost laughed. Pandora always knew things about him and claimed it was only because they were such good friends. Regulus agreed, but he also believed her intuition was oddly stronger than most people's.

 

"You're lying to make me feel better," James said. "I appreciate it, but I'm trying my best to stay realistic these days."

 

"You don't have to believe me," Pandora replied. "But I think you'll find that I'm right soon enough. Anyway, I've got to go now. I shouldn't keep my lover waiting any longer. Goodbye, James."

 

Her lover? What?

 

Regulus admittedly felt a bit betrayed by Pandora, not only for allowing James to confide in her, but also because she was apparently now dating someone and hadn't immediately told him.

 

"I'll be here, drowning in my misery," James called after Pandora, loudly enough that Regulus was sure Madam Pince was about to storm over there and forcefully drag him out of the library.

 

James sighed.

 

Suddenly, a book on the shelf next to Regulus' face moved. Before he could duck out of the way, he came face-to-face with a disheartened James Potter, whose expression immediately transformed into a startled one as he jumped back.

 

"Merlin—"

 

"I—"

 

"Did you hear anything?"

 

Regulus froze, then decided it wouldn't do him any good to lie. "Yes," he answered. "I wasn't aware you and Pandora were friends."

 

James sheepishly smiled. "Yeah, well… I needed her help with, um… something."

 

Regulus raised an eyebrow. "Something?"

 

James' fake smile fell almost completely. "You know?"

 

"I know," Regulus confirmed, sounding much more unbothered than he actually was.

 

He was internally freaking out. James liked him, he'd said so himself. He'd told Pandora and Pandora had already known, which meant they'd discussed this before.

 

Now what? Was Regulus meant to confess his own feelings?

 

James avoided Regulus' gaze, appearing more nervous than he had been a moment ago.

 

"So…" he attempted, but didn't say anything else.

 

Regulus wanted him to know his feelings weren't one-sided. He needed him to know that. In an impulsive move, he strode down and out of the bookshelf aisle he was in.

 

"Regulus?" James noticed his missing presence.

 

Regulus turned the corner and marched up to the table where James sat. "Hi," he said, far too breathless to blame it on his short walk there.

 

James blinked. "Oh." He was equally as breathless. "Hi, Reg."

 

Regulus sat down across from him, as casually as he could (which wasn't very casual at all). They stared at each other for a long moment, both all too aware of the thoughts they shared and were afraid to speak aloud.

 

Eventually, the lack of verbal acknowledgement toward their situation became overwhelming for Regulus. It took a large surge of confidence, but the words spilled out of his mouth like they'd always been true—which they had been, for quite some time.

 

"I'm in love with you," Regulus blurted out.

 

James' eyes widened and his mouth opened as if he were about to reply, but he didn't say anything.

 

Regulus couldn't say he regretted speaking at all, but he did quickly grow worried that James' feelings for him weren't as intense as love. Maybe he only fancied him a little and that was all.

 

Fuck, shit, Merlin.

 

Regulus swallowed nervously. "I apologize, that was rather blunt of me—"

 

"No, no, it's okay," James blurted out. "I just wasn't expecting you to… well, say that."

 

The corner of Regulus' lips twitched out of amusement. "Have I been more subtle than I thought I was being?"

 

James shook his head with a fond smile. "Maybe too subtle."

 

"Well, don't blame me for it." Regulus crossed his legs. "I only found out recently."

 

James laughed and oh, it was a wonderful sound to hear. "You were hiding your feelings so well that even you didn't notice?"

 

"I suppose."

 

James laughed again. "I realized I fancied you as soon as I saw you at the beginning of the school year," he confessed. "On the train."

 

Regulus' jaw dropped open. "Really?"

 

"Yes." James tilted his head curiously. "Is that surprising? You're beautiful, love."

 

Regulus felt warm and fuzzy; was blushing quite madly, no doubt.

 

"Shut up," he mumbled. "It's not really surprising, just… The weekend after we got back I heard Mary and Marlene talking about how you were looking at me differently —whatever that meant—since we got on the train."

 

James' cheeks turned pink to join Regulus'. "Oh, yes, I probably was. I didn't think anyone would notice."

 

Regulus snorted and James shot him a confused look. "You have no idea how obvious you've been, have you?" he asked, resisting the urge to laugh.

 

"Oh, Merlin, Reg." James buried his face in his hands. "How many people have you heard talking about my big fat crush on you? Tell me."

 

"Well… There were Mary and Marlene, then those two Slytherin girls at dinner who had a kerfuffle, then I heard Evan and Barty gossiping about us, and then —"

 

"Stop, stop, stop," James interrupted. "I'm going to be embarrassed about this for the next four years. That's enough."

 

"Good, because after that I lost count."

 

James groaned, then uncovered his face. "My mum always tells me I love really loudly," he whispered. "Is that alright with you?"

 

Regulus admired him for a moment. "Yes," he eventually responded. "Come here, stupid."

 

James brightened, but didn't stand up. "You're going to kiss me while Madam Pince glares at us?"

 

He makes a very good point.

 

Regulus scoffed, hoping to divert James' attention from his pink cheeks. "When did I say anything about kissing you?"

 

"You didn't have to." James grinned, then stood and held out his hand for Regulus. "Come on, love, let's go someplace cozier."

 

"The library is cozy." Regulus frowned, but stood up and took James' hand anyway.

 

James brought said hand up to his mouth and planted a short kiss there, causing Regulus' stomach and heart (and probably all of his other organs too) to flutter.

 

He was a weak, weak man for James Potter, and now he could only assume James was equally weakened by him.

 

☆

 

It was two hours later when Regulus barged into the Slytherin common room and announced:

 

"I have a boyfriend."

 

Naturally, every pair of eyes in the room flickered to look at him, a few faces throwing nasty looks his way. He ignored them and focused on locating his friends. He found them sitting around the fireplace, sprawled out on the couch and floor, their heads turned in his direction with expressions displaying various stages of shock.

 

Except for Pandora.

 

Regulus found it terribly ironic, as he was more surprised by her presence than she was by his sudden declaration.

 

"Regulus Arcturus Black, get your ass over here!" Dorcas shouted across the room.

 

He wasted no time joining them by the fireplace, rather giddy to spill all the details to his friends. Surely Pandora would be surprised by something that had happened between him and James.

 

He sat down on the couch next to Barty and Evan, hardly even feeling disgusted by them being tangled in each other's limbs like he usually did.

 

"So?" Evan spoke first.

 

Regulus smiled down at his lap. "So."

 

Pandora clapped her hands excitedly. "Tell us everything!" she practically squealed.

 

Barty nodded vigorously and Evan got comfortable in his arms. Dorcas leaned in, prepared to hear the whole story.

 

Regulus took a deep breath, then told them all they wanted to know.

 

"Marlene will be thrilled to know she was right about James looking at you differently after summer holidays," Dorcas said, when Regulus was finished.

 

"Did you hear the part about how Evan and I were there when Reg realized his feelings for James?" Barty grinned.

 

"Right before we confessed our own feelings," Evan added, leaning up to kiss his boyfriend's jawline.

 

Regulus glared at them, though it was devoid of any true bitterness. "You stole my moment."

 

Pandora sighed wistfully, seemingly oblivious to anything that had just been said. "This is wonderful, Regulus."

 

He couldn't help the small smile that grew on his lips. "I know," he said softly. "I'm so lucky."

 

"James is lucky too, you know," Barty said, then trailed his eyes up and down Regulus' body. "I mean, just look at you."

 

Evan gently smacked Barty's arm. "No ogling other men."

 

"I wasn't ogling him." Barty ran a hand through Evan's dirty blond hair. "Just supporting a friend. Besides, babe, you know I only have the hots for you."

 

Regulus rolled his eyes. "That's enough of that. You two disgust me."

 

"You have a boyfriend now, there's no need to be jealous," Dorcas teased.

 

"I mean," Pandora's conflicted gaze darted between Barty and Evan before a subtle look of disgust took over her expression. "You are a bit… much."

 

Barty cackled. "Oh, sweet Pandora," he cooed. "You don't have to be envious of our relationship either. We didn't think Reg would find someone for him, but here he is. Don't worry, your romance is right around the corner."

 

Regulus cleared his throat. "Actually," he began. "I heard you mention a lover of yours to someone."

 

Pandora tilted her head. "In the library?"

 

He nodded. "With James."

 

Barty, being the dramatic gossip addict he was, gasped loudly and gripped the side of the couch. Evan, although equally addicted to a good rumor, simply raised his eyebrows.

 

Pandora lit up. "That would explain the hunch I had!"

 

Dorcas, whose gasp had been drowned out by Barty's, shot Pandora a confused look. "What hunch?"

 

She smiled widely. "Right before I left to see my lover—he's lovely and his name is Xenophilius, by the way—James was convinced Regulus would never come looking for him," she explained. "But he did! And I had a feeling he would, so I told him so."

 

"Hold on—" Barty held up an arm. "We're just going to allow her to skip past the part where she admitted she has a lover?"

 

Evan nodded. "Yeah, what? Pandora, why didn't you tell us?"

 

Regulus wanted to know that too. Even if she hadn't told anyone else anything, he still thought she would've at least mentioned this person to her. Regulus had never heard of Xenophilius in his life.

 

Pandora shrugged. "He told me when we became friends that he'd never been interested in befriending Slytherins," she said. "I accepted it. I think he might have been picked on by Slytherins when he was younger. Anyway, I've mentioned you to him plenty of times and he seems alright with you now. I speculate if I introduced you all to him it would go splendidly."

 

Dorcas nodded slowly. "Alright… When did you two become friends?"

 

"About three weeks ago."

 

"What?" Barty choked on nothing, his eyes widening comically.

 

Regulus raised an eyebrow. "And when did you start dating?" he asked, a bit hesitant to hear the answer.

 

She paused to think for a moment. "Well, we haven't really mentioned it," she replied. "But he calls me his lover and I call him mine, so I suppose whenever that started we began dating. Perhaps it was a week ago?"

 

It appeared none of them knew what to make of Pandora and Xenophilius' relationship because there was a stretch of silence.

 

Pandora broke it with a sigh. "I knew none of you would be supportive of it."

 

She didn't appear to be disheartened by their lack of response. She stated it like it was just a fact; she really had known they wouldn't understand the sort of relationship she and Xenophilius had developed with each other. She didn't blame them for it either.

 

"Pandora, that's not—" Dorcas began.

 

"It's alright, really." Pandora smiled kindly. "If something unfortunate happens to me during my relationship with Xenophilius, I won't ignore the possibility that it happened because we moved too quickly."

 

Regulus nodded. There was the sensibility he was used to her having. "Before we jump to any conclusions, why don't you… tell us about him?" he suggested.

 

He wanted Pandora's feelings for this stranger to be evident on her face and in her behavior when she spoke about him. Lucky for Regulus, as soon as she dove into listing all of Xenophilius' admirable qualities, her eyes and voice softened with fondness and her adoration was undeniable.

 

He was happy for her, for all of them, really. He never imagined they'd all be in relationships at the same time, even by year six or seven, but there they were.

 

And Regulus had a feeling—a hunch , as Pandora would say—that these relationships, both the romantic and platonic ones, were going to last a lifetime.

 

Notes:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!

if you've been here since the beginning, i sincerely apologize for leaving you on cliff hangers for over a week. i can't even use the excuse that i wasn't finished writing the chapters because i was 💀 most of the time i just forgot or was too lazy to upload the next part of the story LMAO

ANYWAY, i appreciate all of your lovely comments and hope you enjoyed reading this version of my jegulus as much as i enjoyed writing it :)