Work Text:
“You were never supposed to
sacrifice yourself for my sake.”
エレン ・ アルミン
Everything was a blur to Armin-the Rumbling, the conversation with Eren, everything. It’s been so long, since then. Armin is still haunted by it, still got nightmares, even after 3 years.
Everyone has moved on; life went on for everyone else. Not for the blond though, Armin spends most of his days in the beach, just sitting there, watching as the waves crashed onto the shore.
So, here he was, boring his eyes into the sea, mind so full of thoughts and yet not one thought was ever coherent enough to be said. The sound of the waves so close but so distant.
Today was a special day or, it used to be at least. Eren would’ve been 21 today, the thought brought a sour expression on the commander’s face. The idea of Eren still felt wrong, it still felt like Armin was doing something wrong whenever his best friend crossed his mind.
He looked down, fingers clutching around a seashell, the seashell he had found when they first came here. It brought so many memories back, Armin wished he could go back to then, wished he had done something, he knew Eren was struggling, so why didn’t he do anything?
The titan-shifter let out a shaky exhale, he was back at it again. When had he become so weak? Armin looked up from the shell in his palms and looked ahead, seeing a figure in front of him, barely even there.
Armin’s eyes widened; it was Eren? Breath caught in Armin’s throat, he got up with haste, setting the seashell aside.
He walked towards the figure who he assumed was his old best friend, the tiny rocks in the sand pricking the sole of his feet. “Eren?” He called out, voice wavering.
As the man turned, Armin’s stomach twisted, he wished it was Eren but he knew that his best friend was gone, so who could it be? Armin could feel his heart pounding against his ribs.
His eyes met those familiar emerald eyes, Armin’s world felt like it had slowed. “Yeah?” A small smile evident on his best friend’s face. The blond bit his tongue back, not sure what to say.
It was silent, the ocean’s waves filling the silence between the pair. Eren looked at him, waiting for Armin to say something. “Ha-Happy Birthday.” His heart ached, this couldn’t be Eren, right?
The brunet chuckled, smile growing wider. Oh, how much Armin had missed that smile. “You remembered.” Armin could feel his own lips curving upwards. “Of course.” Armin replied, voice soft.
Warmth engulfed his wrist as he was pulled by Eren, now he was next to him, staring at the man. They stood next to each other for a while, just letting the waves crash against their legs.
The world was still, Armin wished it was like this every day, wished that this was real and that he wasn’t just imagining things. Eren’s hand had never left his wrist, slipping between the cracks of Armin’s fingers.
“Thank you.” Eren suddenly said, squeezing Armin’s hand tighter. The warmth on his palm was reassuring, it felt so real, was it real?
“You’re welcome.” It took a while for Armin to answer, too caught up in his thoughts to reply. “Yeah,” The brunet said, smile never fading. “You come here often?” He continued, the question feeling more of a statement than a question.
The commander swallowed, “Always.” Armin leaned on Eren, cheek making contact with Eren’s jacket. Armin could feel his own heart pounding in his ears, pace increasing. “Must be nice, huh?” The titan-shifter asked his friend.
Armin wanted to say yes but deep down he knew it wasn’t nice. It wasn’t even fine, his visits to the ocean always left him feeling guilty, wondering what he should’ve done. The ocean reeked with Eren, every seashell, every rock, every wave, everything. It was all Eren.
He didn’t say anything, just letting out a hum, not sure what to tell his friend. The hold Armin had on Eren’s hand tightened, catching Eren’s attention. “What’s wrong?”
Eren asked, Armin wavered. Tears spilled, running down Armin’s face as he fell to his knees, the brunet following, catching the blond. “This is so evil.” Armin muttered, voice breaking as more tears spilled from his ocean blue eyes.
His best friend let out a confused noise, not understanding. “You’re not here,” The blond heaved, feeling his heart shatter in his chest. “You’re not real!” Armin held his face in his palm, pouring his heart out to Eren.
“I’m right here.” The titan-shifter reassured him, holding his stray hand. Armin lifted his head from his hand, blood-shot eyes making eye contact with Eren’s eyes. “Why now?” Armin asked, head falling back into his hand.
“Because you deserve to be happy.” Armin wept at that, feeling himself get pulled into a warm embrace. “I’m sorry,” The blond sobbed into Eren’s jacket, staining it with tears. “I know it will never be enough, but I’m sorry.” Eren explained, hands running through Armin’s golden hair.
Armin didn’t say anything, there wasn’t anything to say. The brunet put his arm on Armin’s chest, feeling his beating heart. It was cruel, it was painful, feeling his best friend’s hand on him, reminding him of everything they had. The guilt and pain that he’s pushed down for so long resurfacing.
“Never leave.” Armin pleaded, knowing it was no use. “I’m always here.” Eren reassured, pressing his palm harder against Armin’s chest. “Yeah,” Armin chuckled breathlessly, putting his own hand on top of Eren’s. “You’re always here.” Armin pulled Eren closer, tears still running down his face.
It was silent once more, they stayed like that, the warmth never leaving Armin. The waves lulled Armin until he calmed, until he was no longer crying, until he was no longer in Eren’s arms.
Armin got up from his knees, pants soaked. Walking onto the shore, laying on the sand, feeling his heart stutter in pain. He clutched his chest, chasing Eren’s fleeting warmth-it wasn’t there. Armin wished it was there, like a reminder that Eren was with him, that Eren had held him and his heart one last time.
That he wasn’t alone. That it wasn’t just him, the ocean and the world he had once wished to explore with Eren, his best friend.