Chapter Text
Edward pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, as he tried to gain control over his thoughts. Each tick of the grandfather clock behind him making a point of his inability to make progress. There was an avalanche of papers sprawled out on his desk, filled with ravings only he could understand. Perhaps it was because he was working on an empty stomach or maybe he had received one too many blows to the head, but, for whatever reason, he couldn’t formulate any of his ideas into a cohesive plan. He couldn’t even decide what his next project should be. Should he try and bypass Wayne Enterprise’s new security system, just to prove that he can? Or should he try and take out the Bat? Or should he try and perform some holiday based shenanigans? Not that there was any significant holiday around this time of year.
For the smartest man in Gotham he was feeling intellectually useless. His recent run of victories and evading the Bat had led to what could only be described as burnout. He had somehow managed to evade Arkham for the past few months, which meant he hadn’t been exposed to the mind numbing boredom of being psychoanalysed by a bunch of amateurs. It was usually in this boredom that he seemed to be able to calculate his future plans for Gotham. Still, he would endure the burnout for the rest of his days if it meant not having to spend another second in the human rights violation that was Arkham asylum.
Edward decided to make a move towards the kitchen, he doubted he’d get much further with his work tonight. But before he could reach for a coffee cup there was a knock at his door. This of course intrigued Edward, not only because he wasn’t expecting company, but also because he was almost certain that he hadn’t told anyone about this address. He’d only acquired the property a couple of months back after the Joker killed its previous owner.
He reached for his cane that was leaning against the kitchen counter, he carefully wrapped his fingers around it, resting one of them on a button that, when pressed, would instantly administer 100 volts to his nearest opponent. As he shuffled towards the door he began to consider who could be behind it. Perhaps it was simply a neighbour asking for a cup of sugar or a delivery driver with the wrong address. But he was the Riddler and things could never be that simple. He began to list all of the people that he had pissed off in the past few months, but the more he thought the more it felt like it could be anyone behind that door.
Edward peered through the spy hole hoping he didn’t see an army of men or a singular Bane staring back at him. Upon seeing who was on the other side the Riddler relaxed slightly and his finger slipped away from the trigger on the cane, but he wasn’t quite careless enough to relinquish his weapon completely.
“Selina. What do I owe the pleasure?” Edward smiled upon opening the door, as he saw a woman clad in leather staring back up at him. She moved towards the threshold of the apartment, but Edward placed an arm against the door frame, denying her immediate access. He needed to maintain command over his own domain even if he was sure Selina would pose little threat to his worthless trinkets and his 18th century grandfather clock.
“I need your help.” She skipped over the pleasantries and got straight to the point. “There’s a painting currently being stored in a vault at the Gotham art gallery.” She paused, as if she was contemplating what to say next. “But the vault has a security system I don’t think I’d be able to crack on my own.”
Edward chuckled to himself, trying to lessen his grin. “So you’ve come to the smartest person in Gotham for help?”
“Something like that.” Selina said as she ducked under his arm to enter the apartment of her own accord. Edward paid little notice, having his ego stroked, even slightly, made him more lenient towards others actions. That was something he needed to fix about himself.
He leant against the door frame, his eyes following Selina as she tip toed around his apartment. Her fingers lightly brushing each surface, only pausing when a trinket caught her eye. She would casually examine them pretending to show interest in its finer details, but Edward knew she was simply trying to calculate how much they would go for at auction. After some time browsing his bookshelf she finally settled, leaning against the wall opposite him. Edward felt a smile creep across his face, Selina clearly was unfazed by the phrase curiosity killed the cat.
“So how exactly do you want me to help?” Edward finally spoke.
“ I think you joining me on the heist will be the easiest option.” She replied in an uninterested tone, far more occupied with removing the cat hairs from her suit than having a conversation with him.
“Oh...” he wasn’t expecting to be invited along. He assumed he’d be given a few puzzles to solve and she’d be on her way. Almost all the rogues preferred to work alone whenever possible, which is perhaps why they all ended up in Arkham so often.
“Well I suppose I haven’t paid a visit to an art gallery in almost a year now.” He was hesitant to say the least, as he began to wonder if he was being used as some pawn in a game of chess.
“I estimate the paintings worth at least 2 million.” It seemed like she had noticed his reservations and was trying to sweeten the deal. And admittedly it was working. A million dollars for what he estimated would be 5 minutes of work, there’s nothing sweeter than that. So he motioned at her to continue, his initial hesitancy dashed by the offer of a large cheque and the knowledge that he could outsmart Selina Kyle if he really needed to.
“Given that I did all the planning we’ll split it 60/40.” Selina purred. Edward couldn’t help but laugh at her audacity.
“Now come on I think 50/50 is only fair especially as you couldn’t break into the vault without me.” His smile widened menacingly as he finally left his perch against the doorframe. But Selina’s calm expression barely faltered even when he decided to lean directly next to her in the hopes of provoking a sense of threat.
“I wonder what Doctor Crane is doing this time of year.” Her lips curled into a smirk, she knew exactly how to get under his skin and he was pretty sure she enjoyed doing it.
Edward scrunched up his nose frustrated, he didn’t like being manipulated and he didn’t like being pushed around. But at the same time 80% of a million dollars was still almost a million dollars.
He stared into Selina’s eyes for a moment, he had always believed the eyes were in some way a window to the soul. Something was troubling Selina Kyle but he couldn’t quite decipher what. It was a mystery, one he was becoming more and more determined to solve.
“Fine. Fine.” He muttered, throwing his hands up in fake defeat. “When do you want me?” Her smirk disappeared as a genuine smile flickered across her face, somehow happy that he was joining her on this little escapade.
“Well if you haven’t got any plans.... now?”
Edward grimaced slightly at the thought of leaving his apartment tonight, he looked towards his desk, at the sprawled out papers which only reminded him of all the time he wasted today. They mocked him but also beckoned him to join them again. He began to grow frustrated at himself for even considering to help a fellow rogue when his own projects were so incomplete. Yet, when he looked back towards Selina he became ever more intrigued about the situation he found himself in. Not wanting to miss the opportunity to answer the riddle presented to him he decided to go forward with the plan.
“A little short notice but... I’ll get my coat.” Edward said before disappearing into his bedroom.
---
Gotham was quite tonight. There were no sounds of sirens in the distance, no gunshots, barely even a wailing cat. The skyline had been covered by darkness, the pollution prohibiting the presence of a single star. The only true source of light was from the Wayne enterprise building which kept watch as the people of Gotham slept. Edward looked over the edge of Gotham art gallery lost in thought. Was this how most nights were like in an average city?
He could hear Selina behind him, as she began to open a skylight situated directly above the east wing of the gallery. But he paid little notice as his attention was instead fixed on the streets below. They were near empty, most avoided the streets at night. But one couple did catch his eye, as they moved swiftly down the alleyway. Their hands interlocked, their eyes didn’t stray from each other for a moment. They were in crime city and all they cared about was each other.
“You ready?” Selina suddenly appeared behind him, or maybe she was there the whole time. As soon as she realised that she had grabbed his attention she rushed back to the skylight. Edward followed, slowly as he watched her gracefully descend into the east wing.
He peered over the edge, the hall was dimly lit but he could just make out Selina landing perfectly on the tiles below. She motioned at him to follow. Descending from great heights was not his forte. He was no cat and much preferred to make a grand entrance through the front door, that way he could have a captive audience. But this was Selina’s heist and it would only be polite to play by her rules.
Sheepishly, he grabbed the top of the rope that Selina had tied to the roof moments earlier. Grasping it as tightly as he could he manoeuvred himself onto the rope. As he wrapped his legs around it he began to descend as carefully as possible. Yet, just as he reached the ground he managed to lose grip and fall flat on his face. Whilst his recovery was smooth, he did hear a chuckle emerge from under Selina’s breath.
“Yet another thing I’m better at.” She offered him a hand which Edward ultimately refused, to prove that he could stand on his own two feet, so to speak.
“Another thing?” He muttered raising an eyebrow as he pushed himself off of the floor.
“Well I could obviously beat you in a fight.” That was debatable, Edward thought, but he didn’t think it worth arguing against right now. He’d prove her wrong another time perhaps.
“And I’m far more stylish than you are.” She smirked at him.
“Come on now Selina you know that’s not true.” He brushed the dirt from his suit, having only now noticed its presence. “Anyone could pull off black leather but who else do you know that looks this good in green ?”
Much to Edward’s annoyance Selina let out a small laugh at this comment.
“What about that guy on the Lucky Charms box?”
Edward rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, ready with a comeback. But he was suddenly interrupted by the sound of footsteps echoing from the room next door. Both of the rogues froze in place. Selina’s eyes widened like a cat exposed to darkness. Somehow they had forgotten they were in a guarded art gallery and not having some battle of wits at the Iceberg Lounge. Edward could feel his heartbeat speed up as the footsteps grew louder. They stared at each other, Selina biting her lip in frustration. Then the footsteps began to fade as the security guard chose to patrol a different room. Their shoulders simultaneously dropped from the instant relief. Things will go a lot smoother if they aren’t caught within the first minute of entering the building.
The near miss reminded them of the task at hand. This wasn’t the place for playful banter, unless they wanted to increase their chance of coming into contact with the Bat. They moved quickly and quietly across the hall and towards the vault.
That was until a painting caught Edwards eye. He paused for a moment to take it in. Two polar bears surrounded by the wreckage of a ship, feasting on human remains. There was a certain beauty in something so horrific, so monstrous. The utter hopelessness these men must have felt in their final moments, their isolation a result of their hubris. They died alone, forgotten, important only to the polar bears that would feast on their remains. Edward couldn’t look away, he stood transfixed, something about this painting touched him deeply. It felt like a premonition.
It was only when Selina whispered for him to hurry up that he began to move again.
“We’ve got about 5 minutes before the guy who’s meant to be guarding the vault comes back from his break.” Selina said as they reached a large brass door at the end of a staff only corridor. That meant that there was no time to lose.
Edward approached the door and examined the security mechanism. A keypad and thumbprint scanner. Simple enough. A little too simple. He peered over his shoulder where Selina was supposed to be keeping look out, but instead she was just standing staring at him. She was biting her lip again, nervous. The moment she noticed him looking at her, her demeanour changed as she tried exude more confidence. But her eyes told a different story.
Edward now turned back to the key pad, 1-8-5-3. The year Van Gogh was born, and also the numbers which had been rubbed away the most from the grease of gallery workers fingers. He entered the code without any problem. This instantly made him suspicious, it was clear Selina would have been able to solve that on her own. Edward then set to work on the thumb scanner. The solution was simple enough. He removed some tape from his inner pocket and used it to copy a thumb print on the door handle. The scanner accepted it without incident. Interesting. Selina had lied to him.
Edward stepped away from the door allowing Selina to enter the room first. He wasn’t about to play human shield if the vault was booby trapped. But she didn’t hesitate, she opened the vault door and entered without looking back.
Predictably for Gotham the painting was located at the far end of the room and was protected by a laser grid. Had he been alone it would have taken him some time to calculate the perfect route through the lasers or the best way to deconstruct the system from which they came. Yet, Selina sprung into action without a second thought. She glided gracefully in between the lasers, every movement seemed to be precisely calculated and perfect. Edward became instantly enamoured. It felt like a magical display of gymnastics, comparable to that of the Cirque du Soleil. Upon reaching the other side Selina turned off the lasers allowing him to continue to the painting.
Selina didn’t allow him a second to think before removing the work of art. She didn’t even look at him before she began to move to the door with the painting in hand. It would have been nice to see what he was stealing in full detail before it was whisked away to the black market, Edward thought to himself. But Selina’s sudden change in behaviour had made him even more curious. She knew that he knew something was off about the whole situation.
Turning around quickly, Edward placed the replacement weight where the painting had been previously, in hopes to delay the alarms. Suddenly he heard a yelp come from behind him. He moved quickly into the shadows in an attempt to guard himself from the present danger. As he looked back he saw a gigantic oath of a man holding Selina by the throat. The painting discarded beside them as if it was a piece of trash.
Selina was visibly struggling, her claws were digging into the man’s wrist but some sick desire to maintain power allowed him to keep his position, even when the blood began to drop down his arm. Edward eyed the painting on the ground, he could easily grab it and make his escape.
“It looks like I found myself a stray.” The security guard grunted with a shit eating grin plastered across his face. “Oh the things I would do to you.”
Without a second thought Edward pulled out his gun and pulled the trigger. A bullet flew through the air and into the man’s neck. He let Selina go instantly and fell to the ground. He tried to gurgle words of help as the blood began spluttering from his neck. His gaze shifted as Edward stood over him.
“I would have made your death quick and painless, if you wasn’t such a grotesque pig of a man.” Edward made a point of pressing the heel of his shoe onto the open wound Selina had left behind. The man let out some gargled yelps of pain as Edward began to press harder until the guard was unable to muster another sound. As blood began to fill his windpipe, Edward stared into the dying man’s eyes, the fear reflecting beautifully in his tears. Edward smiled a sadistic grin, knowing that it’d be the last thing the man would ever see, then he left him to die, alone and scared. He turned his attention to Selina, who was picking herself up from the ground, soothing her neck with her hand.
“I should’ve seen him coming.” She whispered to herself, annoyed at her own distracted mind. Edward wondered if he should comfort her, or if it would only make the situation worse. His eyes didn’t stray from her, even as he picked up the painting. He wanted to make sure she was ok, she was perhaps the closest thing to a friend a man like him could have. They exited the room as two more security guards approached them, shouting something that Edward cared little about. Selina removed her whip from its holster, it sprang forward, instantly knocking the two men to the ground.
“Eddie come on we’ve got to move. Now!” Selina hissed grabbing hold of his wrist. It was only then that Edward realised he had been caught in a world of his own. They began to run as the sound of footsteps came from every direction.
They reached the exit as a wave of security guards came from behind, but they were too late, by the time any of them aimed their guns, they had already left the building. As they ran to their getaway car all Edward could think about was how exhilarating the thrill of the chase really was and how much he had been enjoying their little heist.