Chapter Text
Hello said dirk strider, the person who is me
Yes thats right im talking to yu the reader like im a character talking to another character isnt this fuckin wacky.
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMIAL SCUM
Oh fuck is the space cops
ummmmmmm actually im not just space nymore. I ate my brother, and then I ate nepeta, and hten i ate Eridan, and also I just voired the entire cast of homestuck basically so now i have ALLLLLLLL the elements
Damn that sounds ridiculously overpowered and dumb
yeah so, basically i can not only create shit but i can also create shit, but like in the past. and also i can breathe or whtever
Okay, suddenly this s sounding way less overpowered
fuck you.
anyways john egbret enters the room
"Hey Dirk, what's up?" says john, completely unaware of the ultimate battle of minds happening around him.
"Not much, wuwy" drik says like a complete dumbass.
"Fuck you, I didn't say anything like a dumbass." Wait, fuck, did I just say that or narrate. Oh fuck John is looking at me weird.
…
I mean John does not look at me weird and notices nothing.
this is fucking dumb. john leaves the room, he's not adding anything here.
H33y guys!!! whas up??
"Goddammit who let Nepeta achieve Ultimate Self Powers?" I spoke aloud because I'm just that pissed off.
Umm, I gave myself these pawers. Im from the original flash timeline where im the most important character!
The fucking what timelien?
wow, you call yourself a Homestuck fan and you don't even know about the original flash pages.
I don't call myself a Homestuck fan. I think the webcomic is heavily flawed with alll of its metatextual wankery and never getting to the point. And yes, im awar of theirony fuck you.
What's a homestuck???
Fucking seriously, howd you become an ultimate self without finding out what Homestuck is? I think even Gamzee knows what Homestuck is. FUcking Gamzee!
In my timeline there isn't a character named Gamzee.
Wait, seriously. Fuck, can I transfer ove to your timeline, it sounds so much better. Not even a joke, theat dumb clown features heavilly in my 15 hour 'why homestuck is incredibly mid' rant on YT.
what, but i ship you with gamzee. youre not allowed to hate him. unless its a kismteic thing. i guess i could work with that maybe.
Do you even know what a kismesis thing really is? Actually does anyone?
I KNOW!!! :33c
yeah kismesises are one of the more poorly understood aspects of Homestuck, along with all of troll romance basically.
Oh shit, something we agree on.
anyways, nepeta, im gonna send you a link to a thing.
https://bambosh.github.io/unofficial-homestuck-collection/
did you receive this? if your going to narrate a Homestuck sequel you ot to at least know what Homestuck is.
Word of warning, it will take a while to read it.
Oh, dont worry apawt that. I can use my ultimate self powerS to divide my consciousness into 8,123 spereate Nepetas and have each of them read 1 page. That way itll only take me like 5 seconds.
Okay done.
How the fuck did you get through the flash pages so fast. Those things take over 5 minutes to watch, let alone 5 seconds.
Umm, I'm a fast watcher.
Anyways this version of events is way worse than what happened in my timeline.
what even did happen in your timeline? we never got to see past the very begginning of that version of the story.
IDK, bunch of stuff, it was super cool. You'll just have to imagine it yourself.
So the ending of actual Homestuck was really dissapointing. In my purrsion of events I get to beat of Lord English singlehandedly. In this one h33's offscr33ned? WTF? And what happens fter they go through the door?
you'll just have to imagine it yourself.
Wow, I walked into that one didnt i. LOL.
What she specifically menas is that we are botrh in the process of imagining what happens next and using our super god powers to make it reality. And i guess now you are too.
Oh okay, i mean i'm all fo stealing shit and peoples souls. but I dont want to force people to do whatever the fuck.
its fine. were only imagining how Homestuck might continue after act 7. no matter what anyone thinks our imaginings dont take away from anyone elses imagining regardless of our quote 'super god powers'. if someone else wants to imagine that something different happende after going trhough the door thats there prerogative. our imaginings are just that and are basically for fun.
Yeah, so basically anyone who complains about how much our imaginings suck can go write their own fanfic. I mean create their own imaginings.
Hahaha, okay, that sounds fudging epic.