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Hazy blue light melted through the half-drawn blinds of the hotel room. It was that time between evening and night when the sun had already set but before the sky had gone black, casting the horizon in a cold expanse of deep ocean blue.
Nicholas knelt in front of the twin bed closest to the window, slowly stroking strands of loose hair from Noah’s face
His eyes were barely open, aware, but with a gaze fixed on the sheets beneath his face. The duvet was pulled up to his ribs, one hand cradling the pillow, the other drawn tight against his chest beneath the sleeve of his hoodie.
He was even paler than he had been the day before, his parted lips were dry and cracked and he had dark circles under his eyes.
“Please come with me” Nicholas whispered, caressing cold skin with his knuckles. But Noah just closed his eyes, took a laboured breath and exhaled softly.
Their last hunt has been particularly gruesome. The boy couldn’t have been any older than themselves. And while Noah and Nicholas might have thought of themselves as fully-fledged adults at 21,
it nevertheless seemed too early an age to die
The nameless boy had kicked and struggled, actually managing to get a singular scream out before Nicholas had slit his throat. Not that anyone would have been able to hear them in the dark of the abandoned barn they had stumbled across, but Nicholas knew the desperate, sobbing plea had been too much for Noah. He barely ate that night, he was quiet and hardly looked at Nicholas.
The drive afterwards was somber, as well. Nicholas would occasionally glance over from the driver's seat only to see Noah fidgeting silently with his fingers, staring out the window.
When they found a hotel the next morning, Noah locked himself in the bathroom before they even had a chance to set their bags down. He stayed there for hours.
Nicholas woke up that night to tattooed arms grasping at his torso, Noah’s face buried in his chest as the bed shook with quiet sobs. He didn’t say anything then, just stroked his back and held him.
But it had been too long now and Noah had refused the last two hunts.
When it was clear he was fighting a losing battle, Nicholas merely sighed and placed a gentle kiss on Noah’s forehead, touching one of the tiny, delicate braids weaved into his ever-growing mane of sandy brown hair.
“I’ll bring you back something, okay?” He whispered, but again, Noah didn’t move.
Nicholas left the confines of their hotel room, his hood drawn up over his head, his hands in his pockets. It was hard to keep track of the revolving door of towns they found themselves in, but Nicholas liked to get the lay of the land before they hunted. Dive bars, crack houses, construction zones and abandoned properties were all prime locations.
That night, however, Nicholas soon found himself in something akin to the local red-light district. Working girls on every corner, offering him sweet smiles and flirty invitations as he passed them. An easy meal, perhaps, but he knew better.
Especially in that line of work, those girls were always on their guard, suspicious of everyone. Pepper spray and pocket knives in their bags for when a john stepped out of line.
Men were easier victims, quicker to trust, overconfident in their masculinity. So sure that neither he nor Noah, the skinny fucks they were, could possibly pose a threat. Not women, no, they were too smart. Even with the allure of money, sex, and drugs, they never fully trusted them, too quick to run, to scream.
Whether someone deserved to die or not never really concerned him, not until recently anyways. Maybe Noah was rubbing off on him more so than the other way around. Just tonight then, for Noah’s sake, would he give the idea a little more thought. Take a little more care.
Even in the darkness, Nicholas surveyed the buildings carefully for cameras. Unwarranted attention was the last thing they needed.
Soon, he found exactly what he was looking for. A drab, brown brick building glowing with neon signs. One depicted the silhouette of a man wrapped around a pole, another was a cursive font that spelled out ‘Live male dancers’. It was perfect.
Nicholas scoped out the perimeter and quickly determined the cameras mounted on the rafters were duds. An important distinction to be able to make in their line of ‘work’.
The club backed onto an empty lot. Probably once another, less legal version of a similar establishment. Nicholas readied himself to lie and wait, hoisting himself on top of a closed garbage dumpster and lighting a cigarette, staring at the back door of the club. A heavy, probably locked metal door with a chipped ‘Employees only’ sign.
Neither he nor Noah particularly liked being bait. Nicholas hated having to pretend to actually be into these guys, despised keeping up the naive, flirty facade long enough to get their prey isolated. Noah on the other hand, well, Nicholas thought he was afraid these men would hurt him.
He had to constantly remind the younger boy that he would never let that happen, that he was always nearby, even if Noah couldn’t see him. Even so, Noah was usually taller than these men anyways, nevermind incredibly stronger, as long as they didn’t wait too long between hunts.
For that reason, Nicholas tried to avoid using Noah as the bait, but men seemed to like him better. Men that, while already drunk and horny, were stupidly easy to lure away. Especially by someone like Noah.
Lost in thought, Nicholas wasn’t sure how much time had passed before the hinges of the back door creaked loudly and roused him. It was long dark now and his cigarette was stubbed out against the lid of the dumpster.
Immediately all the muscles in his body tensed and he sat stock still. A huge guy in a black security shirt shoved another drunken shape through the door, not even batting an eye when he hit the gravel ground with a clumsy thud.
“Smile asshole” The bouncer said, pulling out his phone and snapping a picture when the drunk man raised his head. “Don’t even try to ever come back here, I’ll knock your ass out myself” He spat.
The other man laughed and straightened himself up, although he made no attempt to stand.
“I paid for his time, didn’t I?” He quipped, making the bouncer grimace and take a step closer
“This isn’t a goddamn brothel. You want a quick fuck, go find it somewhere else” This only made the man laugh again and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he stood.
“Why? You offering?” This earned the guy a gnarly right hook from the bouncer, knocking him back to the ground.
“Fucking rapist” Nicholas heard the bouncer mumble as he returned inside and slammed the door behind him. Nicholas raised a brow and slowly slid off the top of the dumpster, taking another cigarette from his pocket and placing it between his lips. The man whipped his head around at the sound of Nicholas’ shoes hitting the ground.
“Oh sorry, I wasn’t like, eavesdropping on you or anything. I’m just waiting for my friend, promise” he said with a sickly sweet voice and a smile, all too easily slipping on the mask he so hated to wear in the first place. The man looked wary, taking in Nicholas’ features as Nicholas did the same, now that he was able to properly see his face. Definitely older, maybe forty, with a brown and silver goatee, a windbreaker jacket and hair hidden beneath a beanie.
Nicholas ran a hand through his long hair, pushing his hood down in the process.
“Smoke?” He said innocently, holding out his pack. This made the man laugh. He sure seemed to do that a lot.
“What’s your name, kid?” He asked, instead plucking the cigarette from Nicholas’ lips. “Nick” he replied, tilting his head with another smile. The man took out his own lighter and lit the cigarette, taking a long drag as he observed Nicholas with beady, predatory eyes that made Nicholas’ insides sour.
It didn’t take long before the man had Nicholas pushed against the dirty brick wall, one hand tangled in his hair painfully tight, yanking his head back, the other trying to get down the front of his pants.
“Wait, wait, wait” Nicholas whispered as the man pushed a knee harshly between his thighs.
“Just shut up for a minute, kid. This won't take long. Turn around” Came a low, guttural growl. He spun Nick around and pushed him hard over the dumpster, which was only about chest high to begin with, and made the angle very awkward. A grimy hand came down over Nicholas’ mouth, yanking his head back and pinning his upper body against the man as the other hand worked on getting his pants off.
This was certainly not what Nicholas was planning. He thought he would be able to get to the man’s car or the field behind the lot first, but he seemed to have underestimated how horny this guy really was. Oh well. This would have to do.
In one fluid motion, Nick slipped his knife from his jeans pocket and plunged it back over his shoulder. The man didn’t even have the chance to realize what was going on before the blade pierced through his eye into his brain and his body crumbled to the ground.
Nick shook off the invisible grime left on him from the man’s touch, turning to observe the crumpled form now lying in a pool of his own blood. He sighed passively
Nicholas dragged the corpse a little further off from the club and ate quickly. He wrapped up the kidneys and some of the thigh meat in some newspaper he found nearby.
Searching through the man’s pockets, he found some cash but left the credit cards. There was also a gold ring on his finger, which he slipped into his own pocket. Then he took what was left of the body to the nearest sewer grate. Nicholas lifted the manhole cover with ease and disposed of his leftovers.
When Nicholas returned to the hotel room, Noah was still in bed. For some reason, seeing the way he was curled up, spooning Nick’s pillow twisted the knife a little deeper into his chest.
Dark eyes fluttered open when Nicholas closed the door, watching him as he removed his shoes and hoodie.
Nicholas sat on the edge of the other twin bed, the duvet and pillows pristine and unused.
He set the newspaper wrappings on the bedside table that separated them. Noah’s eyes flicked over to them, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.
“If it makes you feel any better, he tried to rape like two people tonight” Nicholas said, standing again to strip off the remains of his clothing. He tossed his t-shirt and jeans into the corner before he opened the bathroom door.
“One of them being me, so” He mumbled before closing it behind him.
“What?” Came a soft, muffled reply.
He wasn’t sure why he said it.
In fact, he had specifically told himself not to mention that detail to Noah, which just kind of went out the window.
Lord knows he was practically physically incapable of keeping anything from him.
Or maybe… he wasn’t entirely okay with what had happened tonight. He had gotten used to not having to hunt alone. It made him feel… safer.
And sure, Nicholas had chosen to play the bait, but the feeling still made his skin crawl, like he wanted to bathe in bleach and burn away any part of his body the man touched.
Maybe he wasn’t okay with it, and he wanted Noah to know what had happened
Nicholas turned the showerhead on and took a moment to stare into the mirror as steam collected in the white-tiled room. His shoulder ached from where it struck the edge of the dumpster and his scalp still stung. Nick traced the sensitive skin with his fingertips, wondering if it would bruise tomorrow. Dried blood crusted around his nails, on his chest and on his arms, but he had made sure none remained on his face.
Suddenly there was a soft creak and the door opened a sliver. Nicholas turned around and leaned against the countertop as Noah appeared. He had shed his hoodie now, standing in front of Nick in only his jeans. Nicholas crossed his arms over his stomach and attempted to stare at the ground, but Noah lifted his face so that their eyes met.
Even now, it still sent flutterings through his chest.
For the first time in days, Nicholas saw something other than a hollowed melancholy in his eyes. They were still glazed over with a darkened sadness, but now it materialized as concern and worry. Noah touched Nick’s cheek, his thumb caressing his skin gently.
“What happened?” He asked in a soft voice. Nicholas tried to give him a reassuring smile, to tell him; nothing happened, I’m fine, I was in complete control the whole time.
But he just couldn’t. His face cracked and he dropped his head onto Noah’s shoulder, the taller boy wrapping his arms around him and smothering him in an embrace. One hand came up to rest on the nape of his sore neck, making Nicholas shutter.
But this was different, it was a soft touch, loving and careful. It made Nicholas want to cry, but he had told himself long ago he would never cry in front of Noah. It was him who had to be strong.
After a moment, Nicholas pushed Noah away gently, just far enough so he could look at him. Eyes traced over every tattooed line, every nonexistent blemish.
“Did you eat?” Nicholas asked. Noah shook his head “I will. I promise” This time, there was something in his voice that made Nicholas believe him.
Drawing him in again by his belt buckle, Nicholas kissed him. Noah stepped into his space with no hesitations, heart beating hard and fast against Nick’s, hands loving touching every inch of exposed flesh.
There was fumbling and Nicholas didn’t bother to open his eyes as he heard Noah’s pants hit the ground, nor resist when careful fingers did the same to his boxers. They only parted when Noah took his hand and led him to the shower.
The square, ceiling shower head immersed them both under the hot cascade of water.
“Turn around” Noah whispered. Once again, Nicholas felt his stomach turn.
But he couldn’t ignore how Noah seemed to be worshiping him with his steady gaze, unknowingly stripping the stains from his flesh as if he didn’t see them at all.
Nicholas obeyed.
He didn’t even realize there was blood and bits of fatty tissue in his hair until Noah began to comb his fingers through it, making the water beneath them run red.
They washed each other. Noah cleansed Nicholas’ body of soiled memories and licked blood from his neck and arms, making Nicholas moan and pant, holding onto Noah as if he would otherwise collapse.
In turn, Nicholas inhaled the thick musk that permeated the air around Noah, amassed from several days of cocooning in bed. The smell intoxicated him, making him long to bottle it up and wear it around his neck before the soap washed it all away.
“I’m not weak” Noah suddenly whispered as he rinsed the conditioner from the tips of Nick’s hair, their faces mere inches apart. Nicholas ran his hands up and down Noah’s arms.
“I know that” He reassured him. But Noah shook his head.
“No it’s not that. It was because… I felt nothing. I used to cry and it… it was like this knot that crushed itself in my chest a little tighter every time. And I thought it was the most awful thing. But then… When he screamed, I felt nothing. There was nothing there anymore, just empty. And it’s somehow so much worse” Noah looked up into Nicholas’ eyes.
“Every single time, it takes more and more. I’m afraid there’s nothing left now” he said as if it was an admission.
Nicholas pressed a hand against Noah’s chest, the heart beneath pounded against his palm.
“That’s not nothing. You give yourself, completely, every time. It’s who you are. But how long can you do that before there’s nothing left for you?”
“It’s okay to not let it all in. To feel something other than the grief and the guilt. I don’t want to watch you waste away like that” Nicholas took Noah’s hand and pressed it to his own chest now, so Noah could feel his own heart
“This is who you are. All of you, you’re still there. If you weren’t, then we wouldn’t be here right now, I wouldn’t be here. You’re so much more than that knot. We do these things to live. Protecting yourself doesn’t make you a monster, Noah” Nicholas interlaced their fingers still pressed against his chest.
Noah released a long exhale, freeing his hand from Nick so he could kiss him again, licking into his mouth with a familiar desperation.
This time however, it felt as if Noah was looking for something to cling to, something real and comforting, rather than out of lust.
When they parted, Noah rested their foreheads together. “I didn’t go with you…” He said, barely audible. Nicholas immediately knew what he meant.
“No. Do not do that. Ever, okay? I’m right here, I’m fine” Nicholas kissed Noah’s shoulder, his neck, and behind his ear, until he felt Noah begin to squirm in his arms. But Nicholas didn’t give him what he wanted, not quite yet. Noah had to be the one to ask for it.
His Fingers traced a hipbone but refused to dip lower, taking a step back when Noah tried to close the distance.
Rather than words, Noah Instead grasped Nicholas’ neck and sealed their mouths together again, pushing the older boy back until he hit the wall. Noah whined, his smell and his body and his lips and his teeth, it all engulfed Nicholas.
This was Noah, his Noah.
He spun them around so Noah was pressed against the slick tile of the shower wall, drawing him in by his hips and grinding their erections together. Self preservation be damned.
Noah gasped and moaned, throwing his head back, and submitting his throat for Nicholas to devour.
Their hips stuttered when Nicholas nipped at the sensitive skin, running his tongue over every tendon and artery, sucking until he drew blood to the surface and the metallic taste flooded his mouth, drawing low moans from deep in his own throat.
Noah scratched his nails up Nicholas’ scalp, setting off tiny explosions throughout his body.
“Nick… I want- fuck me” Noah gasped. Nicholas just hissed, wasting no time in drawing Noah’s thighs up around his waist, pushing him harder into the wall.
Something in Nicholas faltered when he realized just how much weight Noah had lost, how holding him took nothing at all.
Perhaps sensing this, Noah locked his legs tighter and took Nicholas’ hand, sucking his fingers into his mouth.
Nicholas felt himself falling once again into Noah’s orbit, completely encapsulated by the hooded, lust-filled gaze that had trapped him, and they both knew it.
Nicholas felt Noah’s body shudder and groan when he pushed his fingers inside him. His lips parted and his eyes shut of their own accord, lashes fluttering.
Soon there was nothing but half-cohesive words, mumbling and groaning. Noah wantonly pushed back against his hand until Nicholas had to stop before he came at the sight alone.
Supporting Noah's weight on his hips, Nicholas spits into his own hand and slicked his cock. His fingernails dug into Noah’s sides as he began to push himself inside the intense, wet heat.
Noah’s head fell back against the tile, eyes screwed shut in euphoric pain.
They both exhaled a sharp breath as Nick sheathed himself completely, Noah’s thighs flexing experimentally, eyes still closed. Nicholas touched his face, wanting to look at him.
It was hard to tell if it was simply from the shower or not, but Nicholas thought he saw tears on Noah’s lashes and came to a halt.
But Noah simply smiled sweetly and scratched the base of his scalp again, the other hand tracing Nicholas’ lips.
“I’ll never let anyone hurt you again” Noah whispered, staring down at him with a half-lidded gaze. Emotion swirled in Nicholas’ chest and they kissed long and slow, teeth nipping at each other's lips in a desperate frenzy.
Slowly, Nicholas began to thrust up into Noah, hands wrapping themselves around pale thighs. Noah lets out a long-winded moan, his voice cracking in the process, which makes Nicholas smile.
“Fuck- oh god” Noah pants as Nicholas sucks at his jaw, pulling more crimson colour back into his pale complexion. Noah’s arms are wrapped around Nicholas in a death grip, anchoring himself to reality as his skin tingles and burns with every caress and touch.
“I love you” Nicholas says, brushing wet hair from Noah’s face. Noah opens his eyes, but it’s hard to concentrate when Nick hits a spot inside him that makes him see stars. A hand wraps around Noah’s cock and for a moment he forgets how to speak.
“Nick” Noah manages, watching colour bloom high on Nicholas’ cheeks as his breathing becomes laboured.
“I love you, Noah” Nicholas repeats, and Noah wants him to say it again, over and over until his voice is raw and broken. “Bleed me, break me, I don’t care. I’m yours” Nicholas whispers, his thrusts becoming somehow deeper and Noah is arching and clenching around him. He’s so close. They both are. Noah arches off the shower wall to kiss him again.
“Bleed me, Noah” Nick says against his lips. Suddenly Noah turns his head away from him. Nicholas can’t tell what he’s grabbing for at first. But then the shaving razor is pressed into the flesh between his shoulder and his neck. Nicholas moans at the feeling and there’s a warm flow of liquid before Noah latches onto the wound and begins to suck.
The feeling sends Nicholas spiralling over the edge and he comes, his vision goes grey and he fights to remain upright. There’s a feeling of Noah constricting around him, a moan reverberates against his neck and he finishes into Nicholas’ fist.
They both ride out their highs, drunk on the taste of blood and the smell of each other's skin sticking together.
When Nicholas’ vision returns and he can feel his limbs again, he realizes he’s on his knees, his legs folded under him and Noah atop his lap, face buried in his hair. There's a warm stream of red trickling down his chest, mixing with the come on his stomach.
“Nick?” Noah pants, his voice muffled. Nicholas hums, running his hands down Noah’s back. Noah turns to kiss him, his mouth flooded with the taste of blood. Nicholas eagerly laps it up, sucking every drop from his tongue.
“I love you” Noah says when they part.
It takes a minute or two before they can both feel their legs enough to stand. Overstimulated and shaky, they clean each other off and wrap each other in towels. Nicholas sits patiently on the bathroom counter as Noah cleans and bandages his wound, looking incredibly guilty as he does so. But Nicholas feels too proud gazing at the array of scattered hickeys painted across Noah’s neck to care. Fair is fair, after all.
Noah ends up keeping his promise that night and finishes both kidneys and all the meat Nicholas brought back for him. They both sit on the floor between the beds as Nicholas watches Noah feed. He looked unearthly beautiful as he does so; wet hair tied back at the nape of his neck, blood dripping down his wrists, crystal white teeth tearing and ripping at muscle and Viscera.
Pretty soon it seemed as though their shower had been entirely in vain since Nicholas eventually ends up straddling Noah’s thighs right there on the bedroom floor, Noah’s bloodied hands and mouth all over Nicholas’ body as they share the sweet flavour between them.
They come into each other’s fists, Nicholas riding Noah’s thigh lazily and collapsing against each other, which eventually turns into a giggling fit when they realize how much of a mess they made. While he doesn’t say anything, Nicholas isn’t lost on the fact that some pinkish colour has clearly returned to Noah’s complexion, too.
Once they’ve cleaned up again, they both settle into their pyjamas and curl around each other in bed, Noah’s head on Nicholas’ chest, counting each heartbeat.
It’s the first time in days that Noah doesn’t toss and turn in his sleep.