Chapter Text
Losing your loved ones wasn’t easy.
Aqua knew that better than anyone.
Gorou used to be a doctor of about thirty years or so. Therefore, he had been assigned to take care of many people throughout his career. Although his job was to save people, there are just some instances where it isn’t possible for mankind to preserve every human life. People come and go, and Gorou wasn’t affected by that too much until the death of Sarina. He had never been so attached to a patient in his life. Just watching a twelve-year-old slowly deteriorating day by day (while still being able to give him a huge smile whenever he saw her) and knowing he couldn’t do anything about it just took a toll on his heart. It was also the first time he had been outraged by a patient’s family’s refusal to visit said patient. She had no company, and no one in the world to be by her side. Naturally, Gorou had to take that place for her to make her final days worth every second. Sarina might’ve thought Gorou saved her in a way—that he helped lead her toward a peaceful death—but to Gorou, that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Ever since the day a girl too young for this world lost her future, he was hammered in his heart with guilt. He failed his duty as a doctor to protect the child who was infatuated with him, and all he could do was half–heartedly support her dream of becoming an idol, spouting out lies like ‘When you grow up to be an idol, I’ll be your first fan,’ even though he knew it would never happen. Perhaps Sarina’s pure heart deserved to be spared from that reality. Gorou remembered a distinct sentence from Sarina that was almost one of her last; a theory that reincarnation was possible, and just what she would do if she was somehow reborn as the child of a celebrity. This question was most likely brought on due to her love for a certain idol named “Ai Hoshino.” After Sarina left the world, Gorou grew into an Ai fan himself, seeming to understand Sarina’s love for the people strong enough to dance and sing their hearts out for their fans, and love them with all their heart. They were determined and passionate, and watching his screen during those moments, Gorou could see that same determination in Sarina’s eyes. If only she hadn’t been born with such a misfortune, her positivity and mindset would have brought her towards her dream. Even then, Gorou had to act like he wasn’t affected by the death of some middle schooler who obviously had nothing stored in life for them, but deep down in his heart, he had hoped that somewhere out there, Sarina had been reborn into a kind and loving family (that of which she never had before), and continued to be a fan of Ai to respect her wishes.
Just when Gorou thought he had been free of his guilt and sorrow, he had met the one and only celebrity whom he idolized so much, the one who brought happiness into Sarina’s life and made sure her last days were spent with a smile on her face; Ai Hoshino. His surprise only grew when he found out she was pregnant with twins at the ripe age of sixteen. It was surprising enough for a normal everyday teen, but for a famous celebrity and idol with a huge fanbase (mostly comprised of males) in which every action they make can have a dire consequence on their reputation and safety? That kind of thing was unheard of. He felt sort of conflicted at the notion of his favorite idol already having a very bold double life, but then again, that was none of his business. Whatever her reasons were, Gorou would respect that, because she was strong, brave, talented, and did her best to bring joy to those around her (even Sarina). Gorou also knew the risks of people in the entertainment industry being outed of these secrets. There would be scandals online, hypocritic fans would be outraged at the fact that Ai decided to have kids without their knowledge, and threats and rumors would be spread around the media. The troubles of those who’ve sold their souls to the entertainment business are ruthless, and their fans are no better either. They feel entitled to every single aspect of their favorite celebrity’s lives, and grow livid at the notion that idols are trying to live their own lives the way that they want. They can even start getting crazy enough to do something about their complaints physically, which can put the safety of the celebrities at risk. Being in the entertainment industry is like throwing your lives away to your fans and never being able to go back just for the sake of pursuing your one and only dream. The fans of today’s world are warped and flawed, yet idols and the like still do their best to cater to their high expectations and desires. That is why it is so hard to make a living in the world of show business. Gorou was almost hesitant about Ai’s decision to give birth to her twins, but when he heard her out on the rooftop under the shining night sky, he sort of understood. Ai’s father was taken away and she was betrayed by her mother at a young age, in which afterwards, she had to spend the rest of her years in an orphanage before she was scouted out to be an idol. It was only natural she was desperate to have a family of her own and make sure her kids were given as much love as she could give them—to make sure they didn’t grow up like her. She was isolated, and that confession of hers reminded Gorou that Ai wasn’t a big shot or some legendary genius; she was just a kid. She was just trying to survive the cruel world that she chose to live in for the sake of ensuring her kids a happy future. It almost in a way reminded him of a certain twelve-year-old girl, lying sickly in her bed and requesting to marry Gorou when she would turn sixteen. However, that day would never come.
It was then and there that Gorou made up his mind, he would safely deliver Ai’s children under any means possible, and he would make sure her secret was sheltered from the outside world. However, before he could get a chance, he was stopped by a suspicious figure. Before he knew it, he was against a wall of rocks underneath a ledge, head ringing and bleeding out drastically. His first thought was to return to Ai and deliver her babies, but his brain was fogged up and he couldn’t move. His eyes shut closed before he wanted them to, and when he opened them again (which he didn’t think he’d be able to do considering the excruciating pain he was facing beforehand), he was looking at the face of none other than Ai Hoshino. When he studied his surroundings a bit more, he realized that he was one of her babies alongside a female child with a similar figure and appearance to his. That was when he calculated that he, surprisingly, was reincarnated into Ai’s son, who now went by the name ‘Aquamarine Hoshino’, or ‘Aqua’ for short. It didn’t take long for him to realize that his new sister’s situation wasn’t very different from his either (she was also reincarnated). Being faced with his new life under the loving care of his favorite idol, he was almost glad to be able to throw away his stressful and emotionally wrecking medical career. Just when he thought he’d be able to move past his sorrows in his previous life and get a chance to restart and live peacefully, that peace was broken when he opened the hallway door to see his mother, Ai Hoshino, clutching onto her abdomen with a fatal stab wound. He was left to watch in absolute terror and horror as Ai forgave the crazy fan and stalker (who was also the same person who killed Aqua in his previous life) who beliterated her for secretly giving birth and “throwing away” her indecency and loyalty to her fans. Even when faced with death, Ai was a true liar in and out, always putting up a front to protect herself from the harsh world. Aqua wished he could use some of his expertise from his previous life as a doctor, but alas, due to his childlike body, he couldn’t do a thing (apart from calling the police). He had been raised by Ai alongside Ruby for almost 5 years now, so it wouldn’t be irrational to say he had grown attached to her and thought of her like his real mother. But when Ai merely held him close to her and brought herself to admit that she loved both him and Ruby, Aqua was faced with nothing but guilt all over again. Memories of his previous life came flooding back: how he was Sarina’s world but wasn’t able to save her, how he was faced with the task of delivering Ai’s babies, how he had sympathized with her that day on the rooftop and wished nothing but the best for her, and how he was given a chance to restart his life with Ai as his guardian. Over the years of being raised under her, Aqua could tell how hard she tried to be a good mother, even with her busy schedule. Ai supported Aqua and Ruby’s dreams, she made sure to come home and spend time with her kids no matter how busy she was, she worked her hardest as an idol and picked up more gigs to support her family and make sure her kids grow up to have a bright future, and she was a true parent until the end. She was only twenty, and she had so much more left in store for her, but she was wrongfully rid of her future, just like Sarina. And even though he used to be a doctor, all Aqua could do was pathetically sit in her embrace and watch as her touch slowly grew cold and limp.
He was over with losing who he loved. He was done trying to face these hardships and watching his loved ones slip out of his grasp without him being able to do anything. He instantly felt as if this life was now worthless. After all, if he died once before, why couldn’t he just die again? However, once he found out that the stalker wouldn’t have been able to find out about Ai’s pregnancy, address, and where she was giving birth, and that the only person who Ai was close enough to who knew about her pregnancy and would be able to sell her out without facing any losses for themselves could only be their biological father, his will to live was restored.
He would spend the rest of his life honoring his mother by finding out who his father is and making sure he is killed by suffering the most torturous, insufferable, and excruciatingly painful death he could imagine.
That mindset and change of heart is what brings Aqua to where he is now, 17 years old and a well known actor alongside his sister Ruby and her newly reformed “B–Komachi” idol group.
At the moment, he had just gotten off the phone with his girlfriend, Akane Kurokawa. After meeting her in a reality TV dating show called “LoveNow” (which he joined in order to increase his popularity to he could one day grow popular enough to find out who his father—an old member of the entertainment industry—is), he was able to meet a lot of genuine acquaintances, and Akane was among a few of them. Before, she had come off as gloomy and not exciting to the LoveNow fanbase. She was frequently compared to the most popular girl in the cast, Yuki, and there was no doubt that the constant comparisons messed with her self-esteem, which caused her to unintentionally lash out at Yuki in front of the camera. Yuki, being the kind soul and understanding person she is, forgave Akane because she knew just how the media was making Akane feel. However, the scene where Yuki embraced Akane and forgave her, including many other scenes showing Akane getting along with the cast were scrapped from the final episodes to paint her as the ‘bad guy’ to the media in hopes of drawing more attention, drama, and controversy to their show to increase their number of viewers. Akane had been disappearing from the set more and more, and all the feelings she had been bottling up just suddenly burst out one day and led to her attempting to commit suicide. However, thanks to the LoveNow cast informing Aqua of Akane disappearing in the middle of a typhoon, he was able to get there fast enough to avoid another person dying right within arms reach. Of course, the lives of celebrities are to be treated with more care and caution than others, so it was no wonder the news of Akane’s suicide attempt quickly got out to the media and caused an even louder uproar. The LoveNow staff knew of the controversy yet didn’t do anything to help out. Aqua, especially, wasn’t happy with Akane’s exploitation in favor of increasing the show’s sales and views. The way the directors only acted upon their greed and messed up the life of a teenage girl reminded him of the way the entertainment industry eventually drove Ai towards her death. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. This time, he acted upon the situation that was unfolding between his eyes and manipulated the directors into giving him some scrapped scenes. He had used those scenes and edited them together to make a compilation showing Akane at her best, to show the media the side of her that they were being hidden from. The rest of the cast, out of their kindness, got in on it as well and helped out Aqua, who spent countless sleepless nights to finalize the results of the video. Thankfully, his and everyone else’s help paid off. The video got a surprising amount of retweets fairly quickly, and all the drama surrounding Akane’s name quickly lessened and more or less disappeared. Thanks to that, she was able to make a comeback onto the show.
This time though, she expressed her troubles and worries about not being an interesting character on screen, until she was presented with the genius idea of just acting like a different person. She had almost forgotten that she was a talented actress that came from a group called “Lalalie Theatrical Company”. Aqua informed her that if she exposed her real self to the media, then all the criticism will be directed towards the real her, and it would hurt even more. However, if she faked her personality and hid behind a mask, then she wouldn’t have to feel bad about any hate comments because they technically wouldn’t be about her in the first place. The LoveNow cast wanted Akane to act like Aqua’s ideal woman, and when he accidentally admitted to it being Ai Hoshino, Akane came back the next day, representing a scarily accurate portrayal of the idol herself. It was an uncanny resemblance, and for a second, Aqua’s heart beat louder as if he were seeing Ai once again. The fact that Akane was able to act out her character so well meant she knew more about Ai than even Aqua himself. Akane had a talent for analyzing the characters of others (it was a crucial part of being an actress), but Aqua only realized her full potential when she speculated that Ai must’ve had children in secret, which was exactly spot-on considering her son was standing right beside Akane.
It was there and then that Aqua knew he needed to keep Akane close, for her understanding of Ai Hoshino could help him get even closer to his goal of finding out who his father was. Many people in LoveNow’s fanbase shipped the pairing between Akane and Aqua, which gave him the brilliant idea of living up to their expectations and declaring his “love” for Akane with a kiss on the last episode of the show. Thankfully, it worked out well enough, and they started somewhat going out after that. However, Akane was instantly able to deduce that Aqua may not actually be serious about their relationship. She wasn’t trying to hide the fact that she actually liked Aqua romantically, but she was okay with going along with Aqua’s idea of going out for the media. Even after the show had ended, Akane’s gloomy attitude seemed to have vanished. Though she was probably still acting, it didn’t all seem to be fake considering she really enjoyed her life now. She grew more popular as time went on, and she learned more about Aqua’s past and his reasoning for using her. She also was able to figure out the fact that Aqua was more romantically attracted to her acting rival “Arima Kana”, who was sort of a childhood friend of Aqua’s and Ruby’s. However, until Aqua fully admitted that, Akane wanted to enjoy their superficial relationship and keep him close. She had also wanted to help bring him out of his pain and misery, and return to him everything he had done for her. Before getting involved without permission, she met Aqua outside, where he had announced that he wanted to have a talk. “Well, this is the end of our relationship, huh?” She had said, and although she tried not to, she couldn’t help the tears that spilled from her eyes. She was okay with going through hell and back for Aqua as long as she was able to help him in a way with the internal grief and trauma he was facing. She was okay with being a tool, but of course, she couldn’t be used forever. However, what she didn’t expect was for Aqua to cup her cheeks and kiss her for real this time, saying that he wants to protect her properly this time around.
Afterwards, nothing about their relationship was fake anymore (apart from Aqua still harboring romantic feelings for Kana but denying them so he could protect her status as an idol). Aqua did his best to cater to Akane’s wishes, and although he was a bit on the dry side, he never failed his duty as Akane’s boyfriend. She felt more loved than ever, and found herself wishing for tomorrow to come even sooner. However, there was a problem she couldn’t overlook anymore; Aqua’s trauma.
She had first thought about it seriously when Arima Kana had accidentally triggered something in Aqua during their ‘Tokyo Blade’ stage play rehearsals. Considering Kana’s phrasing, Akane figured it had something to do with Aqua’s family. She stayed up all night, surfing for information and piecing everything together: Aqua’s loneliness, his response at the word “mother”, his desire for revenge against someone in the entertainment business, his admiration for Ai Hoshino, his similar eyes, and Ai’s behavior leading Akane to believe she had a baby in secret. She had come across a horrific conclusion, and decided to keep it locked away in her head as a mere possibility for now, but still felt endless pain for the poor boy. He had to deal with so much, and this time, Akane wanted to take some of the stress off his hands. She decided to shoulder his pain, and spent another night drawing conclusions about his father. Thanks to the old clips she was shown of a talented child actor from Aqua’s director and father figure, she was able to draw a resemblance between them and between Ai, confirming her suspicions of both of Aqua’s parents. She couldn’t sit still from such a discovery, and decided to venture out (after spending days compiling information about his father) to fulfill Aqua’s revenge for him when she got a call from the man of the hour. She lied as easily as her acting skills came to her, and left with a bouquet of white flowers, the same that Ai was given by the fan who had killed her.
However, that was very short lived when Aqua caught her and confronted her.
“Aqua! What–what are you doing here?”
“You said you were on the way home from school. If so, why aren’t you wearing your uniform?” Aqua asked. Akane was hit with a pang of realization and quickly ripped up the keychain in her hand, revealing a tracking chip.
“Why…why would you do this? You shouldn’t have come here.” Akane said angrily. She wanted to bear Aqua’s burdens with him, and Aqua allowed her, so what was he doing here? Why was he trying to stop her? She fell to the floor in a whirlwind of emotions, mostly conflicted and angry. “When did you plant this on me?”
“A while after ‘My Love’ ended. I could tell you figured something out, so I tracked you to see if you’d take action. It seems like I was right.”
Akane merely huffed at his admittance. “I thought you trusted me..” She forcefully squeezed the tracking chip in her hands, outraged. “I thought you saw me as your equal, but it’s clear now that you don’t! If so, why won’t you let me help you?? If you asked me anything, I’d do it for you! If you had said a single word, I would’ve helped you in any way I could!” She yelled.
“Liar.”
Akane was instantly silenced at this. She could do nothing but helplessly stare off, unable to refute any of Aqua’s claims.
“If you knew I would do this, you would’ve disguised yourself today and gone anyway, right? You wanted to take care of my father by yourself, didn’t you?”
Akane looked down in shame. “Th…That’s not—”
Aqua cut her off by forcefully stepping on her bouquet of flowers, ripping them apart mercilessly with his shoes and revealing a hidden knife among the snowy white petals. Aqua’s expression goes dark. “What is the meaning of this, then? What were you trying to do with this?”
Akane kept up her lies. She wasn’t going to stop now. Aqua didn’t deserve to suffer alone, and she was going to make sure he didn’t have to. Aqua couldn’t help being overprotective, however. He’s lost two important people in his life, and that’s one too many. He was going to ensure that he wasn’t the cause for anyone else’s death either. Once again, he saw a talented girl with a bright future ahead of her, and he wasn’t going to rob her of that future. Akane shouldn’t have to get involved, this was Aqua’s revenge, and his only.
“I—only brought it to protect myself. After all, he’s a murderer….you never know what may happen, right? I just bought it in case..of an emergency…” Akane countered helplessly.
Aqua sighed, sounding almost dejected. “Don’t get involved anymore. I’ll stay out of your privacy, but we’ll also be severing our ties here. Stop…acting out dangerously.”
It was such a shock to Akane that her eyes couldn’t help but start to well up with tears. She only wanted to save someone she cared about deeply. Is Aqua’s trauma so strong that she can’t even help him out without making him worry? “Why? I would’ve gone to hell and back for you if you had just asked me.” Akane sobbed softly.
“I have no intention of dragging you down to hell with me. I’ll go there by myself.” Aqua turned around and began walking away before Akane spoke up, accepting the unexpected turnout of events.
“Alright, just let me say something.” Aqua turns around, carefully awaiting her response. “You’re going the wrong way, Aqua.”
Aqua turns back around, showing no hesitance for his path or his decision. He’s silent for a moment before responding. “I know.”
Akane watches Aqua disappear and drowns out her sorrows in her tears. “I was unable to save him in the end…” She wipes her eyes, feeling dejected that she had failed. “I don’t care if I was being selfish—I just wanted to help.”
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A while has passed after Aqua and Akane’s initial breakup. They haven’t met up or seen each other since. Akane seemed to grow more popular and expand her acting career. Thanks to the guidance of Ichigo Saitou, the man who was once Ai Hoshino’s manager, Ruby landed herself more jobs and grew popular fairly quickly thanks to her scandal tactics and lies. She was unstoppable now, furthering her deception against everyone in order to avenge both her mother and her sensei (Gorou Amamiya), whom she had found the dead body of a few days prior. Not even Aqua was able to convince her to be a pure idol like she was before resorting to such trickery.
Kana is hidden in the shadows once more because of Ruby’s rapid success, and finds herself abandoning all her previous hope of becoming everyone's favorite idol. It was a dream that was so beyond her at the moment that she didn’t even understand why she had taken up Aqua and Ruby’s offer in the first place. Ever since she was a kid, she was always confident in her abilities. She was known as a “prodigy” for being such an influential child actor that even her parents fed on her success. She was so talented that the narcissism wouldn’t cease, not until Aqua joined a set alongside her at the last minute and improvised his lines in a way that acted out superior to Kana’s. Kana wasn’t stupid, she knew what was considered good and bad in the world of acting, and when she first feasted upon Aqua’s skills, she felt a feeling she had never felt before: inferiority. It only continued on since then. Her label as a child prodigy did her no good in the grown–up world. Even her parents faced a loss from Kana’s sudden drop in popularity, and eventually left her on her own. Throughout her life, every one of her companions had left her all alone. How could she make them stay? What did she need to do to improve? What did she need to do to make people need her again? If she didn’t land any jobs, that was basically the world’s way of saying she wasn’t needed at all. There are eight billion people in the world, so who would want an actor with nothing to her name? So far, all of the roles she had gotten consisted of mediocre actors after mediocre directing and mediocre filming. She still aspired to be the best of the best and flaunt her skills to ensure her spot in the world, but instead, she ended up overshadowing all the performances of the other actors, which always kept her from keeping up a role in a film, play, movie, or anything at all. In the end, she had come to realize that she just had to act pathetically to keep up with everyone’s pace to make her work somewhat tolerable. No one appreciated her for her actual acting, and it was time she had accepted that. She didn’t deserve a place here, and she couldn’t secure one for herself, so why even try? She was okay with the backlash, she was okay with the comments, she was okay with the hate. Because in the end, everything they said was true. Kana just wasn’t fit for the entertainment industry. She couldn’t maintain her spot here, and she didn’t deserve any of the praise. She acted like she wasn’t affected at all and kept up her “self–confident” demeanor, but on nights where she couldn’t put up with the facade anymore, she’d cry herself to sleep. She didn’t want to be useless, she wanted someone to realize her worth and to assure her that she belonged in this world. Someone, anyone, to love her, to need her. If someone would just ask her to get something done, she’d do it without question. If they would just set expectations for her, she’d exceed them no matter what. If they could just want and need her, she’d devote her entire life to them. However, she remained in the darkness, standing behind the limelight and instead casting it onto others. The world didn’t need her or her pathetic acting. Deep down, she knew what her true role was: to make others shine. That was okay, as long as she had a job to fulfill, she would do it with no questions asked. It was okay, it really was. She was completely fine with being held back from her dreams and instead, working hard to make others achieve theirs in her place. It was okay, everyone would progress throughout their lives, and she would remain a shadow, casted aside for nobody to love and nobody to want or desire. The world didn’t want her, the world didn’t need her, and that was okay. She knew she wasn’t actually talented, this was probably what she deserved. She was alone from the start anyway, so what would it matter to anyone else if she disappeared? Maybe that would be for the best….disappearing. She wouldn’t have to work herself to the bone to make a living in this cruel world, she could just be nothing. No one will call out to her, no one will disturb her, and she can just be herself, all alone like she’s always been….
So why? Why did he decide to show up after all these years? And why was Kana so relieved to see him? The skillful actor who started this whole turmoil inside her in the first place was none other than Aqua Hoshino, walking right past Kana with his twin sister Ruby. It was only for a split second, but seeing him now for the first time in years stirred up something black to crawl up out of the deep pit in Kana’s heart. She hated how favored some people in this world were. She felt like biting her lip to muffle her cries, deeper and deeper until she drew out blood. How did it feel to have everything from the start? The answer to that question, Kana would never know. She was so frustrated at the thought of being such a lowly and pitiful person that even the thought of still existing brought her great shame. She hated herself, she hated who she was, and she hated simply not being able to outshine anyone at all, but above everything else, she hated how stubborn she was. She hated how she still wasn’t able to give up on life, and how she still remained determined despite there being no hope. She lost everyone and everything, and now she has nothing. It was foolish to think she could turn her life around now, but there was just one part of her heart that just wouldn’t stop hoping, and that made her inferiority complex hurt all the more.
However, that small amount of hope inside her was ignited when she met Aqua again. This wasn’t the moment to let her jealousy take over, and this time, she reached out to both of them, resulting in the childlike banter they had when they were kids and originally met for the first time. She keeps up her usual attitude that the twins remember her for, and this time, she feels lighter while doing so. It doesn’t feel that suffocating to pretend anymore, because she knows someone who has talent, and someone who could possibly bring out the best in her. Therefore, when she gave Aqua an acting role alongside herself in the anime adaptation “Sweet Today”, she was overjoyed when he accepted, and for the first time, this hope of her’s wasn't just a hunch anymore. She felt that she had the ability to actually turn things around, and her judgment was right when Aqua stole the show with his acting, creating an opening for Kana to go all out and show the world what real acting meant to her. It only improved from there: from the show’s final episode getting great reviews, to her being scouted to be in an idol group with Ruby and pursue her original dream, to her being casted for a role as one of the main side characters in the ‘Tokyo Blade’ stage play, where everyone was talented enough for her to act her heart out and entrance the crowd with her talent. Even during that play, she backed away from Akane’s acting challenge in order to let her shine, thinking it was what would be best for the results of the play, but once again, Aqua just wouldn’t let her step down. She used to be the one in the darkness, shining the limelight onto the others, but now, when she looks back, her vision is blinded, and all she can make out is Aqua, standing proudly and shining the light onto her. God, why did he have to make her feelings so complicated? He could’ve just stayed out of her life and left her to continue moping around and being the useless lump of flesh she is, things were much easier that way. So why now does he choose to show up into her life and tell her she’s worth something more? Why does he have to draw her in and reignite her hope? It was all so unfair. Kana looked at the figment of Aqua in her consciousness, holding the stage light and letting her bask in it. She quirked a shaky smile and her eyes filled with tears, threatening to overflow any minute, and this time, they were tears of happiness.
“You dumbass…”
From there on, Kana vowed to become Aqua’s favorite idol, so that the next time he shows up to another B–Komachi concert, the only glowsticks he’ll be holding will be white. He was the reason Kana decided to become an idol, and she’ll make sure he won’t regret it for a second.
Now, sitting here and drinking with some old acquaintances, Kana wonders where all her original enthusiasm went. Right when she starts feeling giddy about the turnout of events that Aqua had caused for her, she is sprung on by the fact that both he and Akane are now dating for real (She still hasn’t been told that they broke up long ago). She had gotten her hopes up for nothing. Oh, how foolish it was for her to believe she could have a chance. Aqua admitting that his relationship with Akane was for the media was sort of Kana’s go-signal to finally relax herself and lower her guard, but now that they are actually dating, what was she supposed to think? Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t have been so uptight about this. Yes, her romantic feelings for Aqua are something she can’t deny any longer, and she’s accepted it already, but she isn’t petty enough to feel so dejected about her crush having a girlfriend. The real problem lies in Aqua’s behavior. Why has he suddenly decided to avoid her? Kana had assumed it was because she herself had avoided him when she first watched the final episode of LoveNow, but she didn’t fully distance herself to the point where she wouldn’t even have to see him at all. She honestly hadn’t seen Aqua in weeks now. Why was Aqua going so far? Was all his support for her just a lie? Did he never care for Kana in the first place? Was he just putting up an act so he could successfully get her to join Ruby’s idol group? Even if that was the case, he didn’t need to pretend to believe in Kana, she would’ve joined anyway no matter how Aqua or Ruby phrased it. So why did Aqua just give her so much hope and determination just to completely abandon her like everyone else? She feels impeccable resentment towards that fact, but more than anything, it hurts. She knew it was wrong to let herself dream once again. It would’ve just been better if she had stopped believing. Aqua’s influence only made it hurt even more by rebuilding her damaged heart just to shred it into pieces. Even Akane is way more thoughtful than this. Kana feels like the troublesome egotistical person she once was; the type of person who drove everyone away. It doesn’t help her case when she is overshadowed by Ruby’s talent and popularity once again, now doubting herself once more. Of course, she just wasn’t fit to be the center of their idol group. She just didn’t stand out like Ruby and Mem-cho did; she didn’t have that charisma. What happened to Aqua supporting her? What happened to him assuring her that she has the right to stand in the front of the stage and steal everyone’s hearts with her best performance? It even dented her self–esteem at the fact that she needs the support of a man, of all people, to be able to believe in herself. She just couldn’t help it; Aqua obviously never favored Kana, he cared about everyone equally. There was no point in her getting her hopes up once again. She knew she could never be his favorite idol, she just wished someone could look at her differently than everyone else, and apparently, Aqua wasn’t the one who could do that. Aqua merely gave her a push, and Kana greedily fed off of his attention in a desperate attempt to be acknowledged. Were her feelings towards Aqua even genuine? Or would she settle for anyone as long as they praised her enough? She hadn’t even drank anything yet and she was already feeling a bitter taste welling up in her mouth. Just how deep of a hole could she possibly dig herself through?
The rest of that night was just a lump. Kana met one of the most influential directors of all time, Shima, and hit off surprisingly well with him. He gave her the attention she wanted so badly and praised her well. She couldn’t help but give into his compliments, and that’s how she ended up walking home with him, wanting to hear more of his stories and advice. What she didn’t know was that Shima was being waited for at his house by an unsuspecting photographer, who captured a picture of them walking together in the dead of night. When this was revealed to Strawberry Productions, she felt guilty that she couldn’t deny anything, considering the fact that she was almost considering going all the way, after all. She feels ashamed when she thinks back on it: the heavy, clouded, and thick atmosphere, the smooth way Shima’s movements flowed, how he positioned himself on top of her and coddled her with sweet, innocent words, rolling off his tongue like honey, and how Kana almost gave in. She was instantly filled with dread at how idiotic she had been, and how her carelessness may cost the entire idol group. Would everything be messed up by her again? Would she drag Ruby and Mem-cho down with her? Would she lose her friends? Aqua? Everyone? She pulled herself together and readied herself to watch the news channel. Considering B-Komachi isn’t that well known, they may be off the hook, right ? However, Kana could just visualize the slander and hate comments coming in.
“What a slut.”
“Bet she’s having the time of her life with him rn.”
“Does she not care about her image?”
“As soon as idols become legal adults, they think they are free to do whatever they want. Just goes to show how far this industry has come.”
Kana clutched her knees and pulled them to her chest with shaking hands. She slapped her cheek and took in a deep breath, momentarily ridding herself of those negative thoughts. She finally switched on the TV, bracing herself for any possible backlash. However, when she opens her eyes, she sees no trace of a scandal with her name, but instead, a new story is surfacing, one that involves a certain pair of twins that she knows..
_____________________________________
Kana sat on the couch nervously, her knees jumping in anticipation. She adjusted her hat on her head as a short distraction to keep herself occupied. She was waiting here today to have a word with Aqua about—quite a number of things….starting with his news story, and also how he’s been avoiding Kana. If Aqua wanted to continue on like this, then fine, but she wasn’t going to let him without giving him a piece of her mind.
The moment of truth arrives when the door opens to reveal Aqua. When he sees Kana’s serious and determined expression, he instantly gets the memo and seats himself across her on the table. A long silence hangs in the air, with Aqua choosing not to instigate and let Kana say what she wants to say.
“So…Ai, huh? She was your mother.” Aqua doesn’t reply, just keeps up his calm and unfazed expression. Kana continues. “I guess it makes sense, though. She was on set with us back then too. You were a little more cheerful than you are now; you’re actually pretty gloomy.” Kana huffed a laugh, though it definitely wasn’t a happy one. “I’m sorry, it must’ve been hard for you.” She looks into the teenage boy’s eyes, devoid of any emotion. Kana desperately wished to understand what he was thinking, but his eyes held no stories behind them. She would just have to wait and gamble on whether or not Aqua would be honest with her.
“It’s not a big deal, really.” Aqua averted his head. Kana almost scoffed, but she decided to do it mentally.
“Don’t lie. It’s okay to be sensitive, you know.” She says all-knowingly.
“You don’t have to act like you know everything.” Aqua spouts blatantly. His eyes remain dark, serving as a reminder of his multiple losses along the path of his life. Kana looked down dejectedly.
“I do. I do know what it feels like to lose someone close to you, though my experience is nothing compared to yours.” Kana lifts her shoulders and grasps her arms with one of her hands, trying to contain her trembling. “I used to be loved by and surrounded by people when I was a kid, but as I grew older and my popularity decreased, I had to watch as every single one of them left me behind. That loneliness I feel now is a staple of my past. Even now…I still shiver when I remember looking at the backs of those walking away from me.” Kana forces a smile, though she didn’t try to hide the disdain behind it. “It’s only reasonable though, I’m just a rude-mannered narcissistic girl who has no value.” She was letting her mind speak for itself now rather than controlling what came out of her mouth. It’s not her fault, being around Aqua just allows her to be herself. He can wring the words out of Kana without even trying, and Kana hates that.
“That’s not true.” Aqua says, and at that, Kana is enraged. It’s not? If that’s so, then why was Aqua still going out of his way to avoid her? Why was he always so on and off with her? He was so difficult to understand: he supports Kana and assures her but then avoids her like everyone else, yet he still continues to compliment Kana. That was it, her heart was broken already, there was no need for Aqua to add more fuel into the fire. If Kana mentally prepared herself to catch Aqua today and finally talk to him (going out of her way even though Aqua was supposed to do that), then she demanded for him to at least be honest.
“Ha…haha.” Kana lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Is that so? You left me as well, though. You also hate me, don’t you?” She goes straight to the point, averting her eyes hesitantly to avoid seeing the expression on Aqua’s face.
“That’s…that’s not true either.” Aqua merely retorts. Kana was was outraged. Why did he keep pretending? Surely he didn’t care that much about Kana’s feelings, so why was he still playing dumb?
“Lies! I know you truly hate me, and that’s why you’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?” Before she had the chance to process it, tears of frustration were already spilling from her eyes. She didn’t care about her pride at a time like now, she just felt so hurt and Aqua deserved to know what his stupidity had done to her.
Aqua gave a deep sigh, and for the first time since their conversation, his poker face fell and he looked troubled. Kana’s tears calmed a little, but she still gripped onto her knees tightly and refused to lift her head.
Aqua didn’t avoid her on purpose. Hate Kana? That couldn’t be farther from the truth. He’s admired her since they were kids, even though he would never admit that. He admired her resolve, he admired her talent, he admired her hard work, her admired her determination, and he admired how she gave herself up to let others shine (and that admiration slowly turned into a much larger feeling that he just couldn’t pinpoint). Aqua wants her to be the one shining, she deserves it. He wants nothing more than to see her acting her heart out on stage and being as happy as she can be. It’s rarely ever a real one but everytime Aqua see’s Kana’s smile, he just can’t help but feel a sudden urge to protect that smile, and he’d do whatever it takes, even if it meant playing dirty. Sure, the smile would disappear if he avoided her, but if he didn’t and just let her become the target of online harassment, that smile of Kana’s may turn to an even more horrid expression, the same one he saw on his mother’s face when she collapsed that very day. Aqua didn’t want to admit that the events of Ai’s death still haunted him at night. Even now, he finds himself unconsciously doing things to prevent the ones he loves from suffering the same fate as Ai, and that included not interacting with a certain female idol he knows. Paparazzi and fans are ruthless, they could find information about you from your own home, so even if a celebrity thinks they can be protected and do whatever they want when they’re far away from public view, someone will still always having a way of bringing light to those actions. Scandals, rumors and death threats ensue, and then there are always those fans whose love for their favorite idols go too far. They are psychopathic, relentless, aggressive, and sooner or later, you may find them in your front doorway and be forced to pay the price for it….
Aqua quickly brought up his hand to clutch his eye, trying not to recall the bloodshed he had witnessed right there in his hallway. He couldn't let that happen again..he shouldn't. He’s almost an adult now. This is the moment he's been waiting for, the time he’d finally be old and knowledgeable enough to prevent these tragedies from happening all over again. Just the thought of Kana in the same spot as Ai, losing the dreams she had so desperately tried to pursue and her bright, innocent eyes going lifeless is enough to strengthen Aqua’s resolve tenfold. If he decides to avoid her, he’s going to stick with that choice and keep it like that. He isn’t going to make such a decision so half-heartedly. If he only ignores her sometimes but interacts with her at other times, it will only be more confusing for Kana and they can still suffer the risk of being caught together by someone. Aqua wants to protect Kana no matter what, and the best way to do that is from a distance. He was okay with watching Kana from afar so long as he can guarantee she’ll be safe and protected. He could handle not being able to be close to those rays of sunshine as long as it meant she could continue living in this world. Lives are very fragile, Aqua knows that better than anyone. He’s saved Akane from committing suicide once, even though they hadn’t been well-acquainted during that time. If he can help her, he can also help Kana, right?
However, all his life, he had been surrounded by smiling faces. Both Sarina and Ai died with smiles on their faces, already something engraved into Aqua’s memory. Although Akane had been crying on the night he had saved her, both the typhoon and Aqua being behind her at the time made it difficult for him to see it at all. Even Ruby herself is all smiles under her deceitful nature (which Aqua had just found out about not too long ago). He has been used to being berated and insulted and completely heartbroken. But sitting here in front of Kana and seeing her cry was something else entirely. He felt guilt, and it wasn’t exactly the same kind he had felt before, but the feelings were just as impactful. His heart wretched and all of a sudden, he had begun to regret his decision of ignoring her. Was it worth protecting her if she ends up looking so sad?
“That—that’s because of, th….” Aqua was at a loss for words. Kana continued sobbing quietly to herself. She didn’t realize until she saw a shadow looming over her but when she lifts her head, she could clearly see Aqua taking a seat next to her. “I don’t hate you, I really don’t. Ugh, how do it put it?” Kana stared at him and her tears instantly dried up. She almost felt like bursting out in laughter at how conflicted Aqua looked, but she held it in. “It’s quite the opposite. If I hung out with you, I might interfere with your idol life. People could get the wrong idea about us, and sooner or later…all kinds of things could be surfacing on the internet. You could face many dangers, and…” Aqua’s track of inspiration fades as he’s left with nothing more to say.
Kana just looks at Aqua’s solemn expression and just how genuine he sounds. Thanks to his declaration, she instantly finds herself falling for him all over again. He was so unfair, really…
“So….you just wanted to protect me?” Kana asks, personality already clearing up and growing more enthusiastic by the second. Aqua sure knew how to cheer her up, huh?
Aqua shies his face away. Was he embarrassed? He wasn’t blushing however, but Kana assumes that was pretty evident. There was no way she could get someone as gloomy as Aqua to swoon over her.
“Well… yeah, more or less.” Aqua admits. Kana has to do her best to suppress her excitement but before she lets it out, she gives Aqua what he had coming for him. She picks up the box of tissue on the table in front of them and smacks Aqua in the head with it. Aqua, of course, didn’t react at all.
“Then you should’ve just told me!! Communication does wonders, y’know??!” Kana yells angrily. Despite her rage, she can feel her mouth perking up into a smile. Whatever, she could never truly stay mad at the boy who changed her life around for the better. “Do you know how much time I spent worrying about your behavior? There’s a limit to avoiding someone without an explanation, you know!”
Aqua annoyedly rubbed the spot on his head where he was bashed with a tissue box.
“Well, what did you want me to say then? "Stay away from me in case you fall in love with me?"” Aqua delivers a nonchalant expression. Just how much experience would a teenage guy need to have to be so unaffected by this entire scenario?
“Why the hell are you already making assumptions that I like you and what not? Don’t you have a girlfriend to be worrying about??” Kana yelled in response, though her tone was entirely joking.
“Akane? She and I already broke up.”
…
What? When did this happen, and how did Kana not know? What if they had been separated for a very long time now…did Kana really just have a chance all along?
“Oh, so you and Kurokawa already broke up, huh? I’m surprised she was able to put up with your gloominess for so long now. If I were her, I would’ve ended the whole thing a long time ago!” Kana retorts to keep up the humorous atmosphere. She would never let Aqua know that she was affected by his relationship with Akane, not until the day she dies.
“You sound fairly happy about that, don’t you?” Aqua says, seemingly already fed up. He didn’t really take the ‘gloomy’ insult very well.
“Of course! If you guys ended up breaking up, then you probably had it coming anyway.” Kana sighs, standing up and walking around the couch, positioning herself behind Aqua. “But man, that was some pretty stupid reason to avoid me! There’s a limit to being conceited, you know. Assuming that I’m in love with you, I mean.” Kana lies, and just for this moment, she was glad she didn’t have to see Aqua’s face. “You won’t have to worry about anything like that anytime soon though. It’s not like I’m going to be an idol forever.” She says, leaning backwards.
Aqua’s eyes widen momentarily. “Why is that?”
Kana sighs and smiles to herself. “As I thought, I’m just not cut out for the idol world. My heart truly, always and forever, belongs to acting. It’s not like I’m going to quit being an idol tomorrow or the day after, but when the time comes, I’ll try to pursue my real dream. Then, we can hang out all you want once I’m an actress! You won’t have to be such a stupid coward and worry me because that lousy mouth of yours just doesn’t wanna work.” Kana says, though there is no spite in her tone. “But until then, I’ll make sure to become your favorite idol, so try to root for me while you still have the chance, okay?” Kana turns around, lifting her skirt politely and making a big show to accentuate her previous sentence.
Although she couldn’t see Aqua’s face, she could tell he was smiling. She looked down for a bit before moving closer and wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, nestling her head softly into his hair.
“I love you.” She blurts out, continuing to hide her face behind her voluminous strands of hair. She already said the first sentence, she can’t go back now. She was going to get this over with and whatever came after: whether it be Aqua rejecting her or avoiding her once more, Kana would accept that. She’s an adult now, and she wasn’t going to cling to her past emotions. “I’ve loved you for a while. Even now, I still do. Thank you for supporting me, Aqua. Thank you for bringing me into the spotlight and always making me feel appreciated. If it wasn’t for your gloomy attitude, everyone would be able to see just how much you care about everyone.”
She smiles and gives him a little squeeze, tightening her hold around his neck. She breathed comfortably while resting on top of his head. He felt like home.
“Wanna know something, Aqua?” Aqua remained silent for the entire confession. Although she asked a question, Kana was going to finish before allowing him to properly answer anyway. “Aside from being an actress, I also want to continue being by your side. I’ve always been greedy my entire life, desiring attention from others, but you taught me that I can still pave my own way without other people’s approval. I’m forever indebted to you, so you don’t have to feel obliged to return my feelings or anything. As long as I’m able to help you out in any way, I’ll be satisfied.”
Kana gently lets go of Aqua and slowly makes her way towards the door. Her serene and calming expression remained, filled with a hint of sadness that Aqua just couldn’t pinpoint. Kana fully turns around, forcing herself not to look back even once and to move forward. “Well, see you later! Thanks for the news article and everything, by the way. You gotta learn not to be so hard on yourself, y’know?” Kana’s original enthusiastic attitude returns; the Arima Kana everyone knows and loves. She winces at the hypocrisy of her words, but puts an unnecessary amount of charisma in her voice nonetheless. “Ruby probably isn’t very okay with it either, so be a man and apologize to her! You siscon.” She gives a laugh that isn’t mocking, insulting, or half–hearted, but genuine.
She reached for the door handle and before she can touch it, she is suddenly being pulled back and pushed onto the sofa. A pair of long, slender fingers interlace with hers and keep them closed tightly with a crushing force. Kana hesitantly looked up to see Aqua’s face covered by his bangs. There was something dark in his expression, but she couldn’t read it. She could clearly see the outline of his male body, hovering over her and slightly trembling (with rage, or fear?). It was the first time she felt so small, trapped underneath his big body and rendered helpless. ‘Ah….’ she thought , ‘this is what a real man is like..’
Did she go too far? Is Aqua going to confront her? Hurt her? Kana rid herself of these thoughts. Aqua hasn’t ever been a truly stable person considering all that he’s been through, but he was enough of a gentlemen to treat the people he cares about gently. Aqua keeps his head as low as possible, and Kana couldn't see one bit of his expression. Was there really a need to be so cautious?
“Do you really?” Aqua says, voice low and hoarse. Kana is left confused.
“What?”
“When you said you loved me, did you mean it?” Ah, Kana realizes. Why couldn’t Aqua just leave it at that? It feels so much more nerve–wracking when she’s faced with his possible response. She knew that she wouldn’t be affected by being rejected or ridiculed for her feelings, but if Aqua confronts her physically like this, she might just end up going home and crying to herself. “You better have been serious.”
Kana huffs, forgetting all about the position Aqua was keeping her trapped in. She didn’t pay much mind to it before it started getting uncomfortable for her to bend without completely falling down onto the sofa.
“Of course I am! Unlike you, I’m not coward enough to be dishonest with myself.” Kana remarks, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice. She was about to turn her head to side before Aqua raises his head and looks into Kana’s eyes. For a moment, it looks like she’s looking into the deepness of the ocean. It’s not visible, but there is something squirming about inside of him. Whatever those emotions were, he was keeping them locked away. His lips were pursed and his eyebrows were twitching upwards, as if he was scared.
Scared? Why would be feel the need to be scared?
Kana felt weak looking into his eyes, and almost as if Aqua felt the same way, his grip on Kana softens when he makes eye contact with her. Kana keeps one of her hands rested in Aqua’s palm and uses her other to slowly reach out and cup Aqua’s cheek.
“Hey..are you okay? If you’re worried about whatever I said, I promise it wasn’t a lie; I don’t half–ass things like that.” She spoke softly, almost whispering as if speaking any louder would disturb the few inches they had between them. “I was planning on just saying whatever I needed to say and getting the hell out of here, but if you have something to say, you can say it, you know.” Aqua’s cheek ran a little colder than Kana’s hand. She caringly soothed her thumb around it, trying to warm it up without really realizing the way she was touching him.
“Are you really fine with this? Are you really okay no matter what I may do to you?” Kana just gives a questioning hum. Was he talking about his response? Kana had assumed Aqua was worried about potentially hurting Kana by rejecting her, but she couldn’t care less. It was way better when Aqua was being honest with himself.
“Of course, Aqua. You’re always so blatant and straight-up with others that I wished you could be more honest around me. Whatever you do, I’ll be okay with it. No matter what your response is, I’ll accept it. I know you won’t hurt me.” Kana begins to reiterate her words in her head and comes to realize just how corny she sounded. This whole situation was really getting to her, and in a very embarrassing way. She laughed it off and spoke louder, like how she did when she usually wanted to depict her words in a self-confident manner. “My my, pinning down a girl right after your previous relationship ended though? You sure seem to move on pretty fast! It’s no wonder Kurokawa bro—”
Before she could finish her sentence, a pair of lips forcefully locked with hers, pushing her back further into the couch. This time, Kana’s knees gave out, allowing her to properly sit on the couch while Aqua was on his knees towering above her. He grabbed onto the hand of Kana’s that was on his cheek while tightening his grip around her other hand and pushed it deeper into the softness of the sofa. Kana struggled weakly around him but allowed herself to relax fairly quickly. She would’ve been completely okay with this had it not been for the way Aqua was practically crushing her hands right now.
Aqua finally pulled away with a small huff but latched back on to Kana just as quickly, right while she was in the middle of sucking in a breath. He closes the distance between their bodies even more, crushing her hands like she would disappear if he let go. The pain in her knuckles grew more uncomfortable and stingy by the second. She struggled and lightly kicked Aqua’s legs to get him to loosen his grip but he was completely unresponsive. Instead, he slid his tongue across Kana’s lips deliciously and savored the flavor of her cherry chapstick. She was pretty inexperienced in the romance field so she let Aqua do as he pleased. The way he was so skilled and knew exactly what he was doing led Kana to come up with a weird theory of him mingling with several women (he did in his previous life).
Kana had just about reached her limit. She sent a sharp kick to Aqua’s inner thigh which instantly separated him from her mouth. He finally let go of her hands too and Kana gave a relieved sigh, moving her fingers around flexibly to sort of regain some feeling in them. She wiped her mouth and instantly felt bad about kicking Aqua.
“Hey, I’m—” Kana was about to reach out to him to make sure he was okay before he swatted her hand away. Kana reluctantly pulled back, wondering just what the hell was going on with him today.
Aqua looked down, feeling ashamed with himself. Sure, he had been holding back for a while now, but the way he was so forceful left a bitter feeling running through his spine. He never lost his composure like this before, so why? He wanted to protect his loved ones, not hurt them. God, he knew he shouldn’t have been around Kana after all. The way he forced himself onto her and bruised her hands in the process, throwing her onto the sofa like a ragdoll…this aggressive behavior leads him to remember a certain moment he was faced with in the doorway of his very home…
Aqua grunted and clutched a hand over his eye. His body grew cold enough for him to start trembling slightly and a cold sweat appeared on his forehead and eyes. He wasn’t like that, he wasn’t. He didn’t want to be. The man who had murdered Ai was nothing more than an entitled fan who was insane from head to toe. Aqua wasn’t the same as him. However, if he took advantage of those he cared about, then he wasn’t any better than them either now was he?
Aqua’s breathing intensified and he held a hand around his waist. His hair—that was dampening up by the minute—clung to his face, one again sheltering his expression from Kana’s worried eyes. He had to work up everything in his power to stop his teeth from clattering too.
“Soh— I’m sorry…” His words reverberated shakily.
Kana held onto his hands and this time, Aqua didn’t try to push them away. Kana made a small sound from her mouth that almost sounded like genuine concern. It was just as she thought, he obviously still hadn’t gotten over Ai. Before anything else, she used all the strength present in her tiny body to pull him closer and squeeze him tight. He was practically sitting in her lap right now which would look odd to any outsiders but she didn’t care. She was in the moment and nothing could pull her out of it.
“Hey, calm down Aqua. You didn’t hurt me at all. The way you held my hands was just uncomfortable, you know?” She laughed. “I wasn’t lying when I said you could do whatever you want. You’re not some kind of monster that took advantage of me, I allowed this. I told you how I felt and I’ve done my part so now it’s time to do yours. Don’t go being a coward and running away from me because all you did was throw me onto a goddamn pile of fluff, I’m not letting you back out anymore. You’ve already started this, and now you have to show me just how far your love can go. I’ll take it all, okay? So don’t hesitate, you know there is nothing you could do to hurt me after you avoided me for freaking weeks. ” Kana huffed with a sarcastic anger, going back to her normal cheery composure to sort of cheer up Aqua. Her voice was soft and soothing, and she spoke completely from the heart. “If you truly wanted to take advantage of me, you wouldn’t have released that news article and put yourself out there for my sake, would you? You’ve done so much more for me than you know of. I’ll love you no matter what you do, so go ahead and do whatever you want instead of keeping me waiting. It’s no wonder your relations with women won’t last.” Kana broke out into laughter. Her cheerful and gentle voice sort of soothed Aqua in a way. He looked at her laughing her heart out, even though she was once a vulnerable child who wanted to give up on everything completely. Aqua had saved her and now, she wanted to save him.
His trembling, sweating, and erratic breathing have long since ceased. He wrapped his arms around her head which buried her face into his collarbone but she didn’t mind it. They remained like that for a moment, Kana allowing Aqua to relish and calm himself in her presence. She listens to the way his breathing grows quieter and feels the rising of his chest. Kana blushed, wishing to stay in the moment forever. She finally felt like the older of the two, and being able to comfort Aqua brought her a weird sort of giddy joy. Whenever she sees him, her heart instinctively relaxes and she feels so swept away that she can’t help but wish Aqua was as obsessed with her as she is with him. She couldn’t get ahead of herself though, she was fortunate enough for someone like Aqua to even care for her in the first place.
Aqua finally broke the silence. Kana didn’t think he would speak up anytime soon but he does anyway, and she guesses she’s a little thankful for that. “I suppose I'll just have to, since you’re being such a snob about it.” Aqua said with monotony. He pulled away and looked down at Kana who raised an eyebrow. She was going to give a cheeky remark before Aqua kissed her again mercilessly, letting out all of his pent-up months of this desire.
In his relationship with Akane, she had been such a big-shot and was also frequently far apart from him at times. Then, she had even pulled off dangerous stunts all for the sake of freeing Aqua from his past. Aqua couldn’t say he wasn’t grateful, but all of that made it so much easier to lose her. He realized just how half-hearted he had been in their relationship, failing to realize whatever he had with Akane wasn’t something he desired. He wants Akane to live her best life and have a bright future, and she can do that perfectly well without Aqua in her life. However, if he had someone he loved, he wanted to be able to be a part of their future, and that’s something he could be with Kana; she was someone he could keep close and continue to watch the stars in her eyes burn brighter every day. Kana had been struggling ever since she was a kid with no one by her side and worked her hardest to strive in this world, and she should be acknowledged for that. When Aqua was on set with Kana for the second time in his life, he just couldn’t help but be moved with how much she had matured. Thanks to learning from her past problems, Kana acted for others, but Aqua wanted her to act for herself. Thinking back on it, she acknowledged and trusted Aqua’s abilities fairly greatly, even if he himself didn’t believe he was all that. He knows that leaving Akane would lead her toward a better life, but when he tried to leave Kana, no matter how much it hurt, he realized what he’d done had given him the opposite result. Kana was someone who could persevere alongside him and make it through together with him. When he thinks of it, Aqua can’t help but relinquish his worries. He could finally live his life the way he wants to around her, devoid of guilt, worry, or revenge. He could live his life freely.
Aqua usually didn’t do favors but now that he was here already, he’d just have to show Kana how much she’s really worth to him. He wasn’t going to allow Kana to end up getting hurt and for that, he’ll just have to keep her as close as possible. A small part of him even wants to keep her away from the public entirely to ensure she stays safe, but he’s not crazy enough to act upon that (her occupations require her to interact with her colleagues and fans anyway).
Kana made a disappointed noise when Aqua scooted away. Her noise of disappointment turned into a squeal of surprise when he lifted his leg to push Kana sideways and flopped her onto the couch. He held her fingers in his again and towered above her, still giving his normal look of nonchalance. Kana laughed and squealed as she fake-struggled under his grasp. Aqua still trembled slightly above her (which went unnoticed by Kana), memories of an old culmination of his fears replaying in his head.
“What’s with that move?? You’ve probably hit on tons of girls, haven’t you?” Kana says in an accusatory tone. He watched the way her mouth broke out into a grin. She was truly happy, wasn’t she? Aqua wouldn’t ruin that this time, never again. He won’t run away and half-ass things anymore. Kana has grown so much over the years—and that is evident in the way she loves Aqua like he is everything—and so has Aqua. He was going to face his fears head on.
He leaned down and attacked her with kisses once again, cupping her lips between his own. Kana giggled throughout the entire thing.
“Well? Have you?” She asked, smirking when Aqua pulled away. He’d technically be lying if he said no, considering his memories of his past life still remain engraved in his head. Since he was an actor, he could just lie and be done with the whole thing, but his actions betrayed him as he averted his eyes instead of replying. “Whaaat?? That’s totally a yes, isn’t it?!”
Aqua’s expression didn’t crack one bit. “No comment.”
“Oh, you!!” Kana yelled, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him down for another kiss. She was being so bold and daring that Aqua could help but try to one-up her.
“Says the girl who stayed overnight at some guy’s house who’s twice her age.” Aqua teased, his tone still plain but a small, emotionless smile played on his face.
Kana flushed and jabbed her fist down on his back. “J–Just so you know…nothing happened at all! Geez, don’t try to guilt trip me when all I did was ask him for advice about acting. He was the player, actually!” Kana exclaimed.
“And he didn’t try to do anything to you?” Aqua asked skeptically, his tone growing more serious. Kana was an actor in a much higher league of skill than Aqua, yet, just like him, her actions betrayed her as well even though she was perfectly capable of lying it off.
“Well….he might’ve, but I didn’t let him anyway! Just who do you take me for?” Kana looks into Aqua’s eyes.
“And you’re telling me you didn’t almost consider it?” At this, Kana averts her eyes and follows up with Aqua’s line.
“No comment.”
She lightly giggles to herself cheekily, succeeding in annoying Aqua (she could always find a way to do that without trying). Aqua furrows his brows at her. She was still able to get under his skin, huh?
Aqua responds by trapping Kana’s hands on either sides of her head and silencing her lips, licking a stripe along her teeth which elicits a gasp from her. He relishes in the sound of Kana being undone and slips his tongue into her mouth, gliding it against hers and prodding around. He’s so caught up in his movements that he lets out a breathy hum and he doesn’t even realize until Kana laughs.
“Who knew you could do embarrassing things like that too?”
Aqua gave an embarrassed groan at that, though there was no blush at all evident on his cheeks. Leave it to Aqua to never express what he feels in his expressions unless he’s acting.
“Who knew you were still such a brat?” He countered. Kana was too overjoyed and embarrassed to take that comment to heart. Aqua steered away from the topic completely and took a moment to look around, catching Kana’s attention too. Before she could ask anything, he gets off of the couch. Kana’s heart almost stopped a beat before she was even able to think of an assumption as to whether he was leaving or not and why. To her relief though, he turns around and positions his hands under her, picking her up into a princess carry. Kana shrieked and instantly wrapped her arm around his neck, using her free hand to adjust her hat on her head.
“Wha—What are you doing!?”
Aqua merely began walking into the hallway with Kana in his hands.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m not fond of making out with people on my family’s living room couch where anyone can walk in any minute.” Aqua says with a hint of sarcasm.
Kana shrugged with her free hand, still too scared to fully let go of Aqua. “You started it.”
“Is that so?” Aqua humored her. He entered his room and turned around to close the door.
Kana flinched at the action. Just the sound of Aqua locking the door was enough to make her go beet red. She wrapped her other arm around Aqua’s neck again and dug her flushed face into Aqua’s shirt.
Aqua places her onto his bed and he crawls on top of her, pausing for a moment before tackling her down onto the bed. Kana falls in a series of laughter. She sits up for a moment, taking in the surroundings of Aqua’s room. It was the first time she’d been in here after all. A bedroom is a sanctuary that holds a person’s deepest secrets. Kana cupped her cheeks and blushed innocently at how assertive Aqua was being. Aqua raised a brow.
“Hey, isn’t it a little stuffy in your room?” Kana looked around and asked out of genuine curiosity but Aqua disregarded that fact.
“You’re right.” He says and when Kana looks forward, Aqua is already on his knees and looking down at her, removing the hem of his shirt with his hands on opposite sides of his waist. Kana merely widens her eyes and watches him with a blush rising on her cheeks. She was rendered completely motionless. Aqua replies to her shock,
“If you don’t want me to half-ass this, I’m not going to half-ass this.”
Oh god…
They were progressing way faster than Kana thought.