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1.
It had started, as these things do, with a non-eventful Saturday night in their fifth year.
More specifically it had started with Sirius lying on the floor next to James’s four poster watching the world spin.
No, back up. It had started with Sirius wanting to get high and then he did get high and he wished he hadn’t. Did his friends hate him? he wondered. He thought maybe his friends hated him.
A voice asked him how he was doing. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he told it, which was about the least normal answer you could give to that question.
“Black’s mashed,” the voice said and he opened his eyes and saw that it belonged James’ Ravenclaw mate, the quidditch one with the dimples. Closed his eyes again so he wouldn’t have to deal with said dimples.
James was making out with Lily Evans on the bed above him. They did that a lot these days. He didn’t know what was so bloody fascinating about Evans but something was.
The truth was he’d never know. Usually he didn’t let himself think much on it but he was high so it was a bit hard to stop.
Why him? He didn’t want it. He’d known what he was for awhile now. He couldn’t even say he was confused. Not even bi curious. Not even a little bit straight. It was ghastly. He didn’t want to be the only fag in school. Hogwarts, where you weren’t anyone unless you played quidditch and where you were hero worshipped for finger banging Natalie Briggs in the loos at the Yule Ball even though you had pretended to be sick to get out of it. So he just... wasn’t. Who would believe it anyway? Him? Sirius Black? The guy who was best mates with the quidditch captain? Favourite crush of every witch in Hogwarts? Bent? Nah, you’re having me on.
And yeah, of course he did. Sometimes. Of course he wondered. What that would be like. Hair and beards and cock and hard muscle. Like on the pictures he stashed in his room at home, hiding them away until summer hols like he was being watched. Of course he thought about it.
When James hissed Black can you piss off? he looked around and saw he was the only one left. As fun as being James Potter’s third wheel usually was he didn’t fancy watching him try unsuccessfully to get to second base with his sort-of-maybe-girlfriend. He got up instead and wobbled through the common room, and because everyone ignored him and he was feeling paranoid he kept going — out past the fat lady and down the staircase, until he eventually he found himself out in the halls. It was better out here by himself. He looked at the lights that lined the corridor walls. They were pretty; smudged at the edges like butter smeared over bread.
“Check out this fucking waster.”
Sirius groaned. Not him. He didn’t even need to turn around to know who the owner of that voice was. If there was anyone he wanted to see less than that fuckstick right now he couldn’t think of anyone.
“What are you doing so far from the Slytherin slums, dickmunch?” he politely enquired.
Snape shrugged his bony shoulders. “What are you doing without your entourage?”
“I don’t have an entourage.”
“Yeah you do,” Snape said walking backwards up ahead.
“Seriously though, what are you doing here. You ripping off the other houses or something?” Everyone knew Severus Snape was proper poor. Like that Oliver Twist rubbish they made them read in muggle studies, that dude. Or more likely, the Artful Dodger, scheming little creep that he was.
“So what if I am?”
“Oh fuck off, as if,” Sirius said. “You’re not are you?”
Snape twisted his ugly features into a grin and turned back around. Sirius jogged a bit to catch up with him.
“Snape? You’re not are you?”
“Don’t worry Black, I’ll stay well away from your family jewels.”
“You know that’s why everyone calls you a fag right? ‘Cause you say shit like that?”
“What the fuck’s wrong with that?” Snape countered.
Sirius, suddenly flustered said, “Sorry?”
“I’m not ashamed,” he said haughtily. “Rather that than a homophobic bully cunt like you and your friends.”
“We’re not—“ he couldn’t even finish that sentence. How could he deny that? There was no one he hated more than himself.
Snape scoffed at him and walked ahead.
“Wait!” Sirius said. “Hey Snape, wait! I wouldn’t have said those things if I —“
Snape laughed. “Wouldn’t you? I’m insulted. At least do me the dignity of not wussing out on me Black. I may be bent but I’m not a fucking fairy.”
God, Sirius thought, I think Snivellus just became my new hero.
“Are you alright?”
Sirius laughed. “I think so?”
“Black, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think you’re excessively high right now, even for you.”
“Actually I think it’s wearing off.”
“I beg to differ.”
Sirius just smiled at him and kept walking.
“Just in case no one’s ever told you, good looking straight boys like you shouldn’t smile at ugly fags like me like that. I might get ideas.”
“Maybe I wanted you to.”
“Piss off,” he said and Sirius shrugged.
“Where are you going?”
“The fuck would I tell you?”
“Can I come?”
“No,” Snape said but Sirius followed along after anyway and eventually the Hogwarts corridors gave way to cloistered walkways which gave way to cold wet grass.
Snape walked fast like he thought he could lose him but Sirius wasn’t to be deterred and kept pace. Around the back of the greenhouse near the large glass doors, they stopped and Snape lit up a cig while Sirius huffed on frozen fingers. “Hey, give me a puff,” he said.
“Scab.”
“Faggot,” Sirius countered.
Snape’s expression was unreadable in the low light but he flicked Sirius his cigarette anyway and Sirius lifted it to his lips.
“Alohomora,” Snape muttered and waltzed inside like he lived there. Why they even bothered with locks around this place Sirius had no idea, he had yet to meet a Hogwarts student that respected them.
“This is creepy even for you,” he told him.
“No-one invited you,” Snape shot back.
Sirius crowded into Snape’s personal space and took a drag, he concentrated on trying to look sexy— or at least not coughing. “What’s this?” he asked, fingering a mossy, spongy sort of plant.
Snape blinked at him and stepped back. “Shadow-moss.”
“Uh huh.” Sirius closed the space again. He gave a vague approximation of a gesture. “And this?”
“Er, it’s just some Moly.”
“Fascinating. And this?”
“That’s the same fucking plant. Black,” Snape said mildly. “Would you mind telling me what you’re doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“We had this conversation remember? Me, ugly faggot. You, attractive hetero.”
“Snape are you dumb? Do I have to fucking spell it out for you?”
Snape just eyed him distrustfully.
“Do you think I followed you in here for your sparkling conversational skills? Oh gods, never mind.”
“What?”
“I said forget it,” Sirius mumbled and pulled a clump of spiky looking grass out by its roots. Gods, he was pathetic. This was probably a new low for him. Rejected by fucking Snivellus. He silently debated whether or not he could pull off an Obliviate competently.
Snape grabbed the grass from his fist and shoved it back in the soil. “That’s incredibly rare you idiot, it’s probably worth at least — oh — Merlin’s balls, you’re one too, aren’t you?”
“What?” Sirius challenged.
“A fag. You are, aren’t you?”
“Shut up.”
Snape laughed at him cruelly. “Oh, this is just too good.”
“Look,” Sirius said moodily, he dropped the cigarette end on the ground and crushed it under foot. “Do you want to fool around or not?”
Snape appeared to think about it. “Yeah alright,” he said finally. “But if this is some kind of prank I’m going to hex your fucking prick off. I can do it you know, I know how.”
“Noted,” Sirius said and before Snape could change his mind he pressed him against the work bench, insinuating his legs either side of him. Snape let out a small huff of air and parted his lips and Sirius grinned. He’d had that reaction from girls before, but never from a boy. It was different. Good different. Brilliant different actually.
Sirius pressed his mouth against the corner of Snape’s mouth experimentally, then Snape turned his head towards him and their parted lips swept over each other hotly. Sirius’ eyes fluttered closed. He pressed in and licked into him, breathing heavily through his nose. Then Snape’s tongue swiped against his and Sirius was instantly, head swimmingly hard. He might even have moaned. All at once they were kissing deeply — messily — excitedly and God, Sirius hadn’t expected it to feel this good. He hadn’t expected those thin lips to be so soft — hadn’t expected prickly, stand-offish Snape to melt into him like butter. Reflexively, like they were being pulled by strings, his hands went up to Snape’s waist and he slipped a hand under the hem of Snape’s jumper. When he ran the rough pad of his thumb along Snape’s flat stomach Snape gasped into his mouth and Sirius could feel the press of his full, heavy cock into him. It was the first time that Sirius had felt a hard prick other than his own and it felt like fucking bliss.
His hand trailed up Snape’s slim body and found his chest with its spattering of coarse chest hair and this was quickly becoming the best night of Sirius’s life. If Snape would let him go this far this quickly, what else would he let him do? All he could think about was the hot stiffy poking into him. If he asked nicely would Snape let him—
And because the universe hated Sirius and didn’t want him to get off with anyone ever it was at that moment that the greenhouse door rattled open.
He and Snape jumped apart like they’d been hexed.
“Gentlemen. Do you mind telling me what you are doing?” To Sirius’s mind it was perfectly obvious what they were doing though it was nice of the professor to pretend otherwise.
Old Kettle-bum’s wand illuminated Snape’s red tinged cheeks; Sirius tried to pull down his jumper to hide his erection.
If you could have just waited another two minutes you old coot, I’d have had my hands on that prick, he thought with heavy disappointment.
“Smoking again are you Snape? Hm?”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir.” Snape didn’t particularly sound sorry.
“Come on then lad. Pass them over. Right then. I’ll walk you two back to your dorms. I suppose you know this means detention for the both of you.”
Sirius and Snape trailed behind as the professor lit the way — through the doors of the greenhouse and over the lawn towards the castle.
“Snape,” Sirius hissed. “Can we do that again?”
Snape opened his mouth, then closed it again. “No,” he said finally. Sirius grinned. That no sounded like a yes to him.
2.
“What the fuck was that Snivellus?” Sirius pulled the door to the broom closet shut. He’d just come from Slughorn’s office.
“What?”
“Trying to get my attention were you?”
“Oh piss off Black, you hexed first.”
“You little shit.” He pushed Snape against the wall. “I got a week of detention because of you.”
“I didn’t come in here so you’d follow,” Snape said and shook a cigarette from his pack with practiced ease.
Sirius plucked the fag from his mouth and pocketed it. “I’m sure,” he said. He slid his forearm against Snape’s throat, just to try it out. “I should choke you right here.”
“I haven’t got all afternoon,” Snape drawled, his voice was deep and measured. Snivelly’s voice had got so deep lately. He had the deepest voice of any boy their year. Sometimes Sirius got hard just listening to him talk in class.
“You do if I say you do.”
Snape as always, just looked bored. Sirius leaned in and prised his lips open gently with his own. Yeah Snape was a prickly bastard that hated him but in truth, who the fuck cared? How come no one had told him? Sirius, getting off with a person you’re attracted to is fucking brill. He wants to tell his three month ago self: don’t worry about that other stuff; this more than makes up for it.
He circled Snape’s wrists with his hands and pinned them to the wall. “Sev. You know it gets me all worked up when we fight like that.” Snape leant his head back and Sirius took advantage of his exposed neck. “Please,” he murmured against the soft skin. “Please, baby? Please? Please, please, please, please—”
“—Are you under the impression I find your pathetic whining fetching?”
“No I just — please. Please? Fuck Snape, you did this to me, you can’t just leave me like this.”
“I mean, I can.”
“What if it falls off? I heard that can happen. I heard it happened to, um, Hailey Bell’s cousins sisters boyfriend. Sev. Come on. You don’t want that to happen to me, do you?”
“Oh, Jesus sodding Christ, Black. Alright. You’re probably the worst person alive right now, you know that right? At least top five.” Snape slid down the wall onto his knees and Sirius could feel himself leak in anticipation.
“Pathetic,” he heard Snape mutter as he opened Sirius’s fly.
Sirius nudged himself between Snape’s lips and sighed heavily, “Fuck yes.” He pressed his hands against the wall for leverage. Merlin, Snape was good at this. If he didn’t want Sirius to want this so much he shouldn’t be so fucking good at it. Sirius watched those lips spread wide over his cock as Snape took Sirius in deep with hands on the backs of Sirius’s thighs. Sirius grunted and tried not to thrust too hard. If he did that Snape might pull his mouth off and leave him there; he had done it before. He felt his cock hit the back of Snape’s throat.
“Fuck Sev,” he pleaded, “when are you gonna let me fuck you? I want to so bad, it’s all I ever think about.”
Snape gave a particularly hard suck and Sirius’s knees almost buckled.
“Christ, Christ, Christ. Suck me hard, oh gods you are, uh Sniv you’re so fucking good at this, shit...” Sirius gasped then pulsed hard into Snape’s mouth thinking, bizarrely, that he was so glad he was queer; this was so fucking brilliant.
He was still sucking in breaths and holding onto the wall for support when Snape pulled off and wiped his mouth with the hem of his shirt.
Sirius cleared his throat. “Uh do you want me to, ah…”
“No I’d prefer to turn up to my next class with a knob the size of Big Ben. Yes Black I would like. You did this, you do something about it.”
Sirius grinned, sucking him would always make Snape hard, though he would never admit that he liked it.
“And do not get hard again like last time. I’m not putting that thing in my mouth twice in one day.”
“I won’t, I won’t,” he said eagerly. He kicked a mop out of the way with his foot and joined Snape on the floor. There a wasn’t a lot of room to spare but Snape managed to push his trousers and pants down to his skinny knees and Sirius took him down eagerly, all in one go. Snape grunted softly and thrust up into Sirius’s mouth; at the same time his hands wound themselves in Sirius’s hair and pushed down. Sirius wasn’t allowed do that but Snape was. Sirius didn’t dare complain at the unfairness of it, lest Snape stop letting him put his mouth on that glorious, glorious cock. Besides, it turned Sirius on to be used like that; Snape wasn’t rough exactly, but firm and demanding in a way that made Sirius want to please him for reasons he couldn’t articulate. He drooled down his length and choked on it till his eyes watered. Feeling emboldened by Snape’s fist-stifled moans, Sirius decided to wiggle an experimental finger into Snape’s asshole. He swore and bucked up but he didn’t yell or push him off or anything so Sirius pushed in a bit more. Snape’s hole grasped him tightly and Sirius thought about what it would feel like if it were his dick and all at once he was hard again even though he’d promised he wouldn’t. Just to see what would happen he crooked his finger and then Snape was coming like a fountain into his mouth.
Sirius swiped some cum off his chin with his sleeve. Sometimes he wondered why his parents never liked him but then he caught himself wiping half-blood cum off his face in a dirty broom closet.
“Gettof,” Snape hoofed Sirius in the chest scrambling back into his trousers. “Merlin Black, have you heard of consent?”
“No?” Sirius said. He sniffed at his finger distractedly. “What’s that?”
“Never-mind.”
“You liked it though right?”
“Bugger off.”
“I just don’t know why you’re being such a hold out.”
“I let you put your prick in my mouth practically daily, I’m hardly holding out on you.”
“You know half the school is dying to fuck me right? You’re basically the only one that isn’t.”
“Yeah bummer it’s the half you have no interest in.”
“Beside the point.”
The bell rung and even though Sirius thought they weren’t done with the conversation, Snape took it as his cue. Because Merlin forbid he put Sirius’s needs over the irresistible allure of double Charms.
“Black?” Snape’s head still hovered in the broom closet even though his body was out in the hall. He had that self-satisfied knob-end look that he got when Sirius and his mates got in trouble in class. Probably the same look he had when he drowned kittens on weekends.
“Yes?”
“I did like it.”
Sirius grinned. “Knew it.” He gave it two weeks before Snape stopped being such a frigid little bitch and gave it up for him.
3.
“I didn’t mean it like that!”
“I see. When you tried to kill me you didn’t mean it like that.”
“No. I didn’t mean it in the wanting you dead way. I meant it in the don't fucking break up with me sort of way.”
“Gods this is not good for my mental health. You are not good for my mental health. We don’t just kill people whenever we get upset, do we Black?”
“You’re not good for me either,” Sirius pouted. He grabbed at a clump of weedy looking dandelion and pulled it out by the roots before remembering that Snape always told him off for that - he pushed it back into the soil hastily. “You’re a complete bastard to me most of the time, not to mention a bloody Slytherin.”
“Crucially, I didn’t try to kill you though did I Black? Please tell me you see the difference.”
Sirius shrugged. The dandelion flopped uselessly on its side.
“Black, please tell me you see the difference.”
“Is it about, you know, the other night? Because I’m sorry about that. I told you I was sorry about that. I can do better. I was just excited and you’re so sexy, Sniv. You’re so fucking sexy and — let me — let me show you I can do better.”
“It’s not about that.”
“Really?”
“I knew we shouldn’t have done it. I knew it would make things weird.”
“How did it make things weird? We made love. It was…” Sirius sighed. “Oh, Sniv.”
Snape’s eyebrow arched. “Exactly what I’m talking about. Which ultimately ended with me almost getting mauled by a — gods, how did I not see that coming? Of course it did. It’s you. Of course the natural conclusion to sleeping with you was almost getting literally torn to fucking pieces by a—”
“—I wasn’t thinking.”
“That is not a good excuse!”
“I know, I know, Sniv. You’re so brilliant, you’re always right — you’re amazing — you’re the hottest guy in school I swear and when I was inside you—“
“—all thirty seconds of it.”
“—all thirty seconds of it — it was honestly the best half a minute of my life, and I’ll do anything to get you back, just tell me what I should —“
“—Look, things have already been set in motion. This is not… None of this is a good idea.”
“What are you talking about?” Sirius asked. Finding a weak spot through the clouds, the sun tried to push through the dirty greenhouse roof.
Sirius had left Moony and Pete that afternoon at the Gryffindor v Hufflepuff end of year decider and gone searching for Snape. Funny this was where he’d found him.
Almost like maybe he was thinking about him too.
“You really are the stupidest person alive aren’t you?”
“I thought you liked that about me.”
“Dolt.” Snape shoved him gently with fingers splayed on his chest and Sirius caught his wrist.
“I love you by the way — Snape, I said—”
“Yes, Black I heard you; obviously we’re in love. It’s —“ He sighed heavily. “Don’t make a thing of it.”
Sirius had finally found out what made James go so gaga over Lily. Something about being with Snape, about sleeping with Snape, about not sleeping with Snape, about losing Snape, made him not think straight. Sirius didn’t know what else to say so he settled for looking up hopefully through his lashes.
“Oh come on. Don’t look at me like that. You know when you look like that you look exactly like a kicked puppy?”
“Is it working?”
“No.”
Sirius thought it probably was. See, he’d figured it out. Snape, who was such a prickly little bastard, who was objectively the biggest, sarcastic-ist, most Slytherin-y prick Hogwarts had ever produced, was underneath it all the biggest bleeding heart you’d ever meet.
“This does not mean I forgive you or that I feel sorry for you because you’re a sad little closeted fag-boy whose daddy never liked him.”
Yes, what a little soft-cock he was after all. All bark and no bite. No more immune to Sirius’s charms than most people.
“We should get married.”
“Less than a full minute of penetrative intercourse and he’s proposing.”
Sirius pulled him close, pressed their chests together. “You would marry me, too. Fucking fairy.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
“And you like me.”
“You have a lot more grovelling to do before this fairy lets you inside him again.”
“I know. I know, I know, I know.”
“You may as well start now while your dumb-ass friends are otherwise occupied.”
“What did you have in mind?”
No one smiled the way Snape did, that was the thing. No-one could do that cocktail of sexy, smug and vulnerable quite like Snape could. “I’m at your service,” Sirius told him.
“I’d say you are.”
Sirius got to his knees; he wasn’t as dense as he made out.