Chapter Text
Shinobu wasn’t one for emotions. After her traumatic past stripped any emotion from her besides anger and resentment, she was afraid she would never feel normal again. Nobody could blame her, it isn’t easy being a demon slayer; let alone a hashira. She wasn’t the strongest on all counts, but she has witnessed things that you could only imagine to see in nightmares. Anyone who still had even a small ray of sanity after endless amounts of mental torture were few of the blessed ones, majority were putting on an act at this point.
Regardless, her heart ached for a normal life on occasion. She wish she could settle down and marry like many other women her age, however with her profession, even wishing for that as a possibly would be far fetched in itself.
Most who enter the Demon Slayer Corps do not leave alive, she knew this much. It was a painfully slow death joining, but with a great cause. She sold herself for a promise that she might not see fulfilled in her lifetime.
The petite insect hashira was spending her time stargazing, as she typically does when overcome with such negative thoughts. She was overrun with thoughts of her sister, her future, and her seemingly inescapable and nearing death. It was rare for her to get small breaks like this, as she was always busy running around the Butterfly estate, caring for wounded warriors who were lucky enough to survive battle. She wasn’t one to join the front lines and preferred playing support, but on the small occasion she was given a mission, that too would consume her time.
It seemed even now basic human needs such as eating and bathing were put on the back burner. Shinobu didn’t quite remember the last time she had a full and proper meal.
Eventually Shinobu was able to pull herself back to reality and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and allowing her eyes to fall shut.
“Hello Miss Kocho! It’s rare to see you out here nowadays!”
A soft, cheerful voice boomed, causing Shinobu’s eyes to flicker open and to find the source of the voice.
Ah. Mitsuri Kanroji, the Love Pillar and only other woman amongst the hashira.
“Kanroji.. hello to you too.” Shinobu would say with a small smile, her eyes crinkling in the corners. Despite the gesture, Shinobu’s eyes remained void and empty, almost as if she were a zombie.
“I was finally able to catch a break, with those three reckless kids constantly returning from battle with new injuries, it’s hard to find any peace.” The small purple woman sighed. “What brings you here?” She would ask politely, bringing herself to stand.
“Ah! I was wondering if you would care to join me for a dip in the hot springs, as well as dinner! None of the others may say it openly, but we all worry for you! You tend to put everyone else above yourself.” Mitsuri would say shyly, tilting her head to the side. Her expression was solemn. She knew how much the latter pushed herself to keep everyone in good health, however she often discarded her own well-being in the process.
Shinobu blinked at the offer, her face flushing a soft pink. If it were any other time of day, this small change in composure would’ve been easily recognizable. She was glad it was nighttime, and glad that the fellow pillar was dense.
“Um…” Shinobu looked up towards the moon. It was late, but not unreasonably so. She didn’t see any cons to this offer.
“Sure, I would be happy to accompany you, Kanroji.” Shinobu said, bringing herself to face the taller woman.
Mitsuri smiled, an excited warmth pooling in the pit of her chest.
“Let’s go then!”
As the two walked side by side, they made small talk. They caught up on recent missions, and even gossiped about the other pillars.
“Isn’t it strange that Rengoku-san can keep his eyes open for long periods of time? I tried but my eyes would just get dry and then start to water…” Mitsuri admitted with a sheepish pout.
“I’m sure if you trained yourself enough you could keep your eyes open even longer than he can..” Shinobu would reply reassuringly, offering a kind smile to the latter.
All small, seemingly meaningless conversations that held no weight nor purpose. Despite this, Shinobu couldn’t help but find herself enjoying this moment. She could only help Mitsuri felt the same.
And it was a mutual feeling. Mitsuri was an easily flustered and often scatterbrained woman, however talking with Shinobu calmed even the strongest of nerves within herself.
Mitsuri found Shinobu to be graceful and effortlessly elegant, on top of beautiful and smart. Mitsuri often found herself confused by this. Her heart would speed up at the thought of the smaller woman, yet she couldn’t pinpoint as to why. Her soul screams “love” however that would be inappropriate. Shinobu was her colleague and friend, and she would never want to sully that relationship with something more than that.
But oh, did it excite her. The thoughts of being in love with a woman felt so new and exciting she couldn’t help but let her mind wander. She simply watched as Shinobu would talk, not exactly hearing the words she would say, but instead focusing on other things.
The way Shinobu’s lips effortlessly moved with each syllable she spoke. Her eyelashes fluttering with each blink. The Love pillar often found herself seemingly stuck in a trance at times while conversing with the other hashira.
“-roji.. Kanroji.” Hearing her name being called brought her out of her thoughts as she blinked. Oh my, she spaced out real bad this time! Mitsuri felt her face heat up from embarrassment and started stuttering and thinking of things to say to help her situation.
“M-Mitsuri!” She would sputter out before pressing her lips closed into a thin line, somehow growing redder at the sheer embarrassment she felt.
Shinobu blinked, taken back by the woman. “I’m sorry?” She now found herself confused. Was Mitsuri feeling ill?
“Please.. um… I would like to think we’re close enough to drop the formalities- at least I think! Please… if you wouldn’t mind- call me Mitsuri.” The pink hair woman could barely hold in all of her embarrassment, finding herself looking off to the side and avoiding all eye contact. She could still feel deep purple eyes bore into her being.
There was silence for only a few seconds, but these painful seconds felt longer to Mitsuri. “Ah… how embarrassing… I’ve embarrassed myself again.” The love pillar would think after not hearing Shinobu respond.
“Shinobu, then.”
Huh?
Mitsuri blinked, snapping her head to meet Shinobu’s once more. She blinked a few more times to digest the situation. Had she heard that right?
“You said it yourself, we’re well acquainted enough to drop formalities. If I am to call you by your first name, please do the same for me.” Shinobu would finally say, her head slightly cocked to the side with a playful grin growing on her pale face.
“I was trying to tell you we’re here, Mitsuri.” Shinobu would say softly, yet not hesitating on calling the other woman by her first name.
Ah. There it was. Mitsuri felt her legs tremble as if they were about to give in on themselves. “She said my name..” Mitsuri would repeat in her head. As Shinobu lead her further towards the hot springs, her entire being became very warm. She would try to trick herself into believing it was the steam of the hot water, but even she wasn’t that dense.
Hearing Shinobu call the klutz by her first name sent tingles town her spine. She felt selfish to want to hear it more.
She was quickly snapped back into reality when she noticed Shinobu swiftly undress herself, seemingly with no shame or embarrassment. Mitsuri felt her face become increasingly warm and she instinctively spun around to give the smaller woman privacy.
Mitsuri eventually heard the sound of water moving and internally sighed of relief. This moment of relief was short lived as she remembered:
She was the one who suggested they bathed… together!
“Mitsuri.. are you okay?” Shinobu would call out, reaching up to let her hair come down and fall to her shoulders, placing her butterfly clip off to the side.
Mitsuri cleared her throat and slowly began to undress herself, her back still facing the Insect Hashira as she tried to get her mind out of the gutter. Eventually she joined her friend in the water, sighing as she felt the warm water envelope her soft body.
The two conversed again, however Mitsuri seemed distant. She avoided eye contact with Shinobu, a shy smile permanently plastered on her blushing face.
Shinobu, of course, noticed this. While Mitsuri was distracted with the conversation the two were having, Shinobu snaked closer. Mitsuri wasn’t even aware of this until she noticed Shinobu’s face was inches from hers.
“Mitsuri…” Shinobu would say in a deep voice, “you’re being distant. Are you feeling ill?” She asked, placing the back of her damp palm to Mitsuri’s forehead. It was warm, however it could’ve been from the steam of the water.
Mitsuri let out a small gasp, allowing herself to meet Shinobu’s eyes, gulping down her nerves. “A-Ah… no, I’m okay! I suppose I’m just hungry is all.” She laughed off her embarrassment.
Shinobu took a step back, not satisfied completely but not wanting to pry. “If that’s the case we should hurry up then, turn around so I can wash your back.” She said, nonchalantly.
Mitsuri gulped but didn’t protest. Instead, she slowly turned around and pulled her long pink and green braids to her front, allowing the fellow pillar full access to her back. She couldn’t help her mind racing. She could feel her heart pounding and her hands trembling as she held her braids in place.
Shinobu started gently scrubbing the taller woman’s sleek and shiny back, letting her hands wander up and down and around each crevice.
Mitsuri held back a shiver as she felt Shinobu’s small and soft hands on her bare skin. She felt that if she were to let this continue any longer, that her heart would burst from her chest. Her thoughts felt inappropriate. She shouldn’t be enjoying herself this much, right?
Eventually the blissful moment came to an end before the pink-haired woman could even get herself used to the feeling in the first place.
Mitsuri slowly turned back around to meet Shinobu’s unwavering gaze. It saddened her slightly that the smaller woman seemed unaffected by such an intimate moment, it only fueled her thoughts of these feelings being inappropriate further.
Shinobu smiled softly at the pink hashira, before turning around herself. Mitsuri was confused for a moment before realizing she must have wanted the same treatment.
She shakily brought her soft, slightly calloused hands to Shinobu’s bare, and slightly toned back. As she began cleaning the woman’s back, she felt her relax into her touch.
Shinobu finally let herself relax after what felt like forever. She could feel the tension in her muscles release to join the steam in the air. She breathed out a small sigh, allowing herself to bask in the moment.
Mitsuri on the other hand, was moments away from fainting. This was too much for her poor heart, even for one as big as hers. Feeling Shinobu’s soft skin relax against her hands made her heart jump. This moment made her so happy and she felt selfish to wish it would never end.
But it did, it had to eventually. More time passed and the two wrapped up in comfy yukata, walking each other to the dining hall for a late dinner.
The two ate, one more than the other, and eventually said goodnight to each other, walking in opposite directions to their respected estates.
Small things like this would repeat over the next few months. Shinobu would stress herself past her limit, Mitsuri would find her, and the two would help each other destress by talking and catching up.
Shinobu was eventually sent out on a mission and Mitsuri felt as though a part of her routine was missing. She felt selfish to miss the smaller hashira, often finding herself wondering about her well-being and if she was properly taking care of herself. It wasn’t long until she herself was sent on her own mission, however was accompanied by her good friend Obanai Iguro, the Serpant Pillar.
The duel eyed boy noticed Mitsuri’s mind was somewhere else as they settled in at the inn to rest for the night before setting out for a village with multiple demon sightings. He was worried, to say the least. He knew she needed to be 100% there to avoid possible injuries due to her scatterbrain.
“What are you thinking about?” He would ask softly, placing his hands in his lap as he was kneeled next to the sitting woman. She blinked and looked up at her friend, smiling softly.
“Nothing gets past you, Obanai.. you always seem to see right through me.” She admitted sheepishly, a soft blush of embarrassment finding its way across her cheeks.
“You will see me differently if I told you…” She would murmur, looking off to the side. A silence fell upon the duo, which was quickly broken by a soft scoff.
“You’re silly. Nothing could change my impression of you, you can be honest with me.” Obanai would say, placing a firm yet gentle hand on the pink woman’s shoulder.
Mitsuri felt herself explode after bottling up her emotions for weeks, even months on end. Big, wet tears rolled down her flushed cheeks as she bowed her head to hide her face. The serpent man couldn’t exactly say he wasn’t used to this, he knew Mitsuri as an emotional woman, often crying over the smallest things such as shops not having her favorite snacks in stock, or being ignored by a man she attempts to speak to.
This time, it felt different. The way her body quivered and she hiccuped with each sob. This time felt more serious.
“I think I love Kocho-san!” She eventually blurted out, burying her face in her hands. Obanai was, of course, taken aback by her sudden outburst. That wasn’t the only thing that surprised him though. Her confession; her feelings that she had been bottling up spilled out all at once, and onto him of all people.
He wasn’t very good at comforting, especially not such an emotional person as Kanroji. He awkwardly found himself patting her shoulder, feeling a bead of sweat drip down from his temple as Mitsuri let out all of her restrained emotions.
“Why is this what you’re so upset about? You love Kocho, so what?” Obanai asked eventually, being confused on why the quivering woman was so distraught by this.
Mitsuri lifted her head and began shaking Obanai aggressively by the shoulders, tears and snot running down her face. “Don’t you understand!? It’s inappropriate! Simply wrong! I can’t and- I shouldn’t have these feelings!” She sobbed out.
Obanai placed both of his hands firmly on Mitsuri’s shoulders as to stop her from man-handling him. He paused for a moment, letting the dizzy feeling pass before speaking.
“You’re thinking way too much about this, Kanroji. There is nothing “forbidden” about your feelings. You of all people should understand this. You always go on about how love is a magical thing, why are you going back on your own words now?” He understood her fear but knew that she was the one that tended to overthink things, he wished she wouldn’t be so hard on herself but could understand why. She didn’t have the prettiest of backstories herself.
Mitsuri let her hands fall off of Obanai’s shoulders and down to her lap. She sniffled softly, taking his words into consideration.
“But… she couldn’t possibly feel the same. She’s such a busy woman I doubt she’s even had a chance to think about relationships, let alone one with a woman.. I couldn’t possibly tell her, all it would do is add to her already full plate.” Mitsuri said, her voice laced with sadness as she stared down into her lap.
“Do, or don’t. Whatever you choose is your decision. However choosing to bottle all of this up will not help you. If you keep all of this packed into your head, it’s going to hinder your performance as a hashira- as a demon slayer. You can end up hurt or even worse.” Obanai’s voice was laced in worry, although very little.
Mitsuri knew he was right. She couldn’t hold onto these thoughts forever. She currently had one of two options.
Tell Shinobu how she feels and risk ruining their growing friendship.
Or push these feelings deep inside of her and get over Shinobu.
Both pained her to think about, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to make a decision. She knew she would have to eventually and that time would not be in her favor.
Eventually the two hashira separated, leaving to their own rooms to prepare for the day ahead of them. Mitsuri couldn’t help but wonder what Shinobu was doing. She knew she shouldn’t stay up worrying about the hashira, but she knew that Shinobu didn’t take very good care of herself. Even though Shinobu presented as a strong, levelheaded woman, she neglected her own needs often; that worried Mitsuri.
She just hoped Shinobu would be okay.