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Maxi knew, when she married Riftan, that he didn’t love her.
He just did it as a favour to help her escape from her father. To get away from the depressing atmosphere and the abuse that she knew he had never noticed. And she had to get married to get away, whispers and gossip would follow her everywhere if she did not.
It was obvious that he was just being a friend, and wasn’t harbouring any feelings for her.
She should be the same. Of course she saw him as a friend, and asked him, as a friend, to help her escape her father by marrying him. Living across the country with him when he left Croyso for his hometown Anatol after finishing university.
But… why did it hurt with this much space between them. He never touched her, held her hand. Anything.
They only had the one kiss at their courthouse wedding in front of the officiant, Ruth and Rosetta as their witnesses. His hand had been so gentle on her face back then, making her feel as if she was treasured so deeply. His thumb had stroked her cheek for a short moment. Brief, and it felt so kind on her skin.
He had put a ring on her hand, and she did the same for him, just a few days before they flew to his home in Anatol, far away from where her father’s long fingers could grip her once more.
She… she did love him as more than a friend when she asked him. He was the nicest of their friends, always willing to help, and she had dreamed more than a few times of what it might be like if he actually loved her. What it might feel like to be able to wake up next to him, instead of a bed in another room. What it could feel like to have his arm sling around her shoulder as they went to a farmer’s market. On her waist in the supermarket. Pull her into his side on the couch as they watched a movie.
She didn’t even need him to touch her in a sex way, in a more than friends way.
Just, hold her hand or touch her shoulder once in a while.
For fucks sake the last person to touch her had been Hebaron as he helped her into Riftan’s car after a night of drinking. The man so casually touching her while making jokes about alcohol and food.
Was it so much to ask that her own husband did the same?
She hadn’t yet been with a man, her father made sure of that. That kiss at her wedding was her first. She knew what she was supposed to be doing, too much reading on the internet, into the night when she came to Anatol, blushing and hoping that Riftan wouldn’t notice in the morning. But he never did anything. She knew that this was a fake marriage that she had asked for. But she had thought that maybe, he would touch her, would love her the way that she wanted.
Just because she asked him to fake it for a few years so that she could get out of her father’s house until she was old enough to live on her own without the stares and leering. The talk of how even her own father must hate her if she lives alone.
She was out of that place at least, although, she couldn’t say that this was any better.
The only time she talked with anyone was with the grocery assistant, or when he very occasionally talked to her, telling her that he had left breakfast in the fridge for her, or that he was going to be somewhere.
He was living with her, the same house, a bedroom two doors down, and yet she barely heard his voice.
And it hurt, it hurt god dammit, that he wouldn’t say a word to her, wouldn’t touch her. And sure, she had never been the most touchy person. Her father made sure of that. But every day that she went without talking, without feeling a soft touch killed her, and sent her spiralling into a depression that she wasn’t sure if she could get out of.
It was fine for Riftan, he worked in an office, outside of the house and near people. Whereas she did everything at home, staring at a computer screen as she edited other people’s words, reading the entire day. It wasn’t fun, and it made her miss her sister, who was their father’s perfect child, whom he wouldn’t lay a finger on. At least she was able to speak to Rosetta at home.
Here she had no one. All of the people she knew were Riftan’s friends, and it was so hard to make new ones, to trust people. Sometimes she still didn’t know how she trusted Riftan so much to ask him for this fake marriage.
Maybe she shouldn’t have. At least then she could talk to people.
But maybe it was just seasonal depression, it was the cold season, and her feelings always got so much worse these days.
She needed to go outside and clear her head.
It had been a bad idea to go outside and clear her head.
All she had done was walk around the block, watching the air puff in front of her, the snow falling and landing on her head. Maybe she should have put on a hat, and something warmer but she just wanted to get out of the house. Go somewhere that didn’t feel so claustrophobic. Feel some fresh air, even though the chill of it bit into her face.
She didn’t realise that it was this cold outside. It never got this cold at Croyso. It only snowed for a little there, and she wasn’t slogging through it in clothes that were somehow too thin. Her only snow clothes she had were the ones from home, and she just hadn’t realised how worthless they were in Anatol. Thin material that seemed to want the bite of winter to tear at her skin. It seemed to let water seep towards her skin, freezing the material to her.
So she was frozen by the time she made it halfway around the block, tears dripping down and freezing on her cheeks as her mind kept spiralling. She shouldn’t have asked Riftan for this. She shouldn’t have left home.
She should have stayed with her father. Sure, he was terrible to her, but she never felt this terrible while there, she was sure of it. How could she be homesick for a place she hated.
How could it be worse to live with Riftan?
The wedding ring he gave her weighed heavily on her finger, and she wanted to take it off. She hadn’t done that yet, that hope that he might be friendly at least not yet dying in her chest.
But maybe it should.
She wiped away tears from her face, finding her cheeks cold, the wind burning her eyes from the tears and freezing snow.
It would be so easy to stop, to just sit down in the snow and stay there. She was useless. her father hated her, and her husband wouldn’t even talk to her. Wouldn’t even touch her.
But she kept going, walking back home while the hand in her pocket spun her wedding ring around her finger. She should put it down on his bedside table, and then catch a flight home, apologising to him in a note.
Maybe her father would let her back in to live with him. If she apologised enough, let him beat her enough, he would allow her to stay. He probably needed a place to beat out his stress and anger once more. Or she could find her own place. She should have saved enough money by now to be able to afford the payment for a small apartment. And she could deal with the gossip.
It would be easier to hear people talk about her like that, than to never hear a word.
Her mind felt funny as she kept walking, tired and sluggish. It was too cold for her to be outside. Maybe she would collapse right here and never wake up. Riftan wouldn’t be home for hours though. She would be alone and—
“Maxi, get in the car,” a deep voice said. She hadn’t even heard it come up, too preoccupied with her thoughts and tears.
She turned, her eyes wide as the wind bit at her brimming tears, finding Riftan’s car, the passenger door wide open, sending a warmer breeze towards her, and an unhappy expression on his face. It made her nervous. Would he be like her father now?
She didn’t make it to the door, her body tilting as she lost balance, falling into the snow. She felt so slow and heavy, her eyelids closing as the cold seeped into her.
Her name was called, a pained voice that she barely heard as she succumbed to her tiredness.
Maybe it would be peaceful. The snow somehow felt like a cold pillow from all of the new fall, soft and gentle, moving to support her body.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
She was dreaming. She had to be. Strong arms pulled her close as the air changed from cold to warm.
This must be what hypothermia feels like. The cold changing to warmth, and being so tired. She was too tired to move her arms, while something told her to remove her clothes, that it would be fine, it was warm now. She wouldn’t get hypothermia now, even though it was still so cold.
There was garbled talking around her, feeling like she was underwater as someone said something to her.
“S-so c-cold,” she whispered out, her mind still floating in the cold as she was placed into a bathtub. Water washed over her and she wanted to cry. How did a dream feel so real?
That deep garbled voice started talking again, hands that felt too hot touching her, pulling her clothes off, and she was so confused. What was happening?
She didn’t remember anything, and the warm water felt so painful that she fell into a disturbed sleep once more, her body crying out in exhaustion as she fell limp.
She awoke in a bed, slowly opening her eyes to find a different ceiling to her own one. She had gotten used to the slightly blue colour of Riftan’s guest room, so why was she looking up at a white one, much larger than her own.
She felt warm, almost too warm, and there was a cold compress on her head.
Through the haze in her mind she could hear someone in the kitchen, footsteps and pots moving as she tried to blink through her headache.
Her body felt so tired, she could barely move a finger, and wanted to fall asleep again.
Her head turned on instinct as footsteps neared the door. She glimpsed Riftan’s face before falling asleep once again.
“Maxi,” a voice said softly. “Wake up, you need to eat.”
She groaned, her head shaking for a moment before she mumbled out a no.
“Sweetheart, you have to eat otherwise you won’t get better.”
“T-too t-tired,” she replied, a headache forming already as her body seemed to get hot.
An arm pulled her torso up, her body flopping over the front of it until she was placed back on the pillows, set up against the headboard. It didn’t allow her to sleep, the headache getting worse as her head spun.
“Maxi, you have to eat now.”
She opened her eyes, finding Riftan in front of her, what seemed to be annoyance on his face. She refused, turning her face away
“I’m n— just eat, please.” He said, a bowl of some type of broth in his hand, a spoon lifted up to her mouth with the other.
She opened her mouth, allowing him to feed her the broth until it was gone and he left her alone. Her stomach felt distended and painful when he put the bowl to the side, bringing her back down to lay on the bed properly.
“Wh-what h-hap—”
“Shh, just sleep Maxi,” he replied, his hand stroking her hair as if he was trying to be soothing.
She didn’t need to be told twice, falling asleep almost immediately.
She couldn’t get used to this. Riftan beside her almost every moment, making sure that she was eating and drinking. Then picking her up to go to the bathroom. It was a complete one-eighty from a few days ago.
It was even worse knowing what she dreamed of in those fitful sleeps. His hands finally touching her. Kissing her, his hands pulling her chin close as he looked down at her for a moment, never letting her up for air. His hands travelling down, further and further until he was finally doing what a husband should. She wished it was real. She was too touchstarved that she was willing to have the slightest touch, the slightest brush of his body against her.
Sometimes it did feel real, like his hand was brushing her cheek, stroking her hair. Just touching her. But then the dreams would diverge, his hands continuing down her neck and to her breasts. His mouth kissing her, then following his hands, further and further down until she was crying out his name, her hands sinking into his hair as if to pull him in further.
She would wake up with tears in her eyes, the fever too much, too hot. The dreams making her feel sweaty, her thighs rubbing together to try and find some release.
He would always shush her, his hand changing the compress on her forehead, brushing her hair away before pulling the blankets back onto her.
It took days to feel better. He seemed to never leave her side, always fussing over something. Not drinking enough water or tea, not having enough of the hot broth. Moving the blankets too much.
She was waiting for the moment that he would yell at her. For being outside in the cold. As her mind restarted, she wondered how he was there with his car when she collapsed. It was the middle of the day, he should have been at work. He should be at work this week. Why was he here?
Was he looking after her? It seemed so strange for him to never speak to her, yet fuss over her like a mother hen when she was sick, never leaving her alone, keeping an eye on her. She wouldn’t complain about this little bit of attention, even though her head hurt every time she moved, and the rest of her body felt so tired.
“Should have gotten you some winter clothes when the season started,” Riftan had said at one point when he was feeding her.
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, wondering what he meant before casting her eyes down once again. It was easier to not look at him. This would just be a brief reprieve of being touched and looked after until he was back to normal. He was probably only looking after her to save himself money on a hospital bill.
Maxi was right. The moment that she stopped being as sick, and could look after herself, Riftan stopped staying at home and went back to work. It all went back to the same routine, except that he would remind her in the morning that there was soup and broth in the fridge that she could heat up.
It wasn’t like it mattered, she knew that this would happen. That he would go back to being himself, and she would be left alone.
She had to send an apology to the company she was freelancing for. At least she had been a few days ahead of her editing schedule, and it didn’t matter in the end, they just told her to recover. She was glad for that of course, the headache from the cold still knocking at her head every moment.
She had been moved back into her room as well, more blankets given to her, and Riftan had brought a heater that was on all of the time. It must have been connected to his phone or something, because every time she turned it off, he would send her a text telling her to turn it back on.
She hated it. It was winter, yet every moment she was sweating through all of the blankets. The heat only seemed to make her headache worse, but every time Riftan checked on her to find not all of the blankets on her, he would pile them on before leaving the room.
She slept on the couch in the living room one day, the room a much more bearable temperature, but found herself waking covered in sweat and a multitude of blankets in her room once more. The heater back on full and she felt terrible.
Every moment felt worse. He still barely talked to her, didn’t touch her or anything. Just left food for her in the fridge, and made sure that the house was at an uncomfortable level of heat.
But she did get better fast, the cold gone after only a few days, the headache lasting a little longer, but it was eventually gone.
“R-Ruth, c-can I ask a, a f-favour?” She said on the phone, lying on her bed with the blankets off. It was too warm, and she had to keep her voice down since Riftan was only a few walls away. Thick ones, yet he always seemed to have super hearing.
“What is it?”
“C-can I c-come and s-stay w-with you f-for a w-while. J-just a f-few weeks u-until I c-can f-find a p-place a-at C-Croyso. Th-this isn’t w-working w-well, a-and I m-miss home.”
“By Wigrew Maxi, why would you want to come back? Isn’t Anatol fine there? Riftan’s a good husband right?”
She burst into tears, burying her face in a pillow as she muted herself.
“Maxi, what does that mean?” Ruth said, panic in his voice. “Why are you crying? What’s Riftan doing to you? Take yourself off of mute. If you don’t in a few moments I’m going to call Elliot and the others to come and get you.”
There was a pause, and Maxi waited for her sobs to slow, the tears in her eyes making it hard to read her phone and unmute it.
“Maxi, if you don’t answer me I’ll—”
“N-no R-Ruth, he d-doesn’t d-do a-anything. I'm j-just… h-homesick. I f-feel like th-there’s n-nothing h-here for m-me. L-like I’m n-not a-actually h-here. I th-think I m-made a m-mistake in th-this. I sh-should have s-stayed with f-father. Or j-just… g-gotten over th-the f-fear of g-gossip and g-got m-my own p-place.”
“Maxi, don’t say that,” he sighed. “If you really need to, you can stay with me for a while. I don’t like that though. You two look so nice together. Maybe you should just talk it out with Riftan.”
“I d-don’t th-think I c-can. He b-barely t-talks t-to me, a-and I f-feel like I’m j-just t-taking up s-space. I kn-know, th-that I j-just w-went into th-this m-marriage to g-get out of m-my f-father’s h-house and g-grip. B-but… I also d-did like R-Riftan, a-and I th-thought th-that… m-maybe he l-liked me t-too. I m-mean, he a-agreed t-to th-this. B-but I sh-shouldn’t h-have a-asked him. I sh-should h-have just d-dealt with th-the g-gossip, or a-asked s-someone else. Th-this h-hurts t-too much.”
“Maxi. Just talk to him. You never know,” he sighed, and she knew that he was shaking his head on the other side of the phone. “But, if you really need to… give me a couple of days to get a room ready, and you can stay here. It’s not like anyone will get annoyed with it, and if it’s better for you to be in Croyso, even though that sounds like a crock of shit, I’ll find a way for you to stay here.”
“Th-thank you.”
“It’s fine Maxi. Just remember to talk to Riftan, okay? Bye.”
“I w-will, b-bye.”
She wouldn’t.
Maxi quietly packed up her things over the next couple of days, everything fitting in just a suitcase and bag. It wasn’t like she had much to start with anyway. There was never any reason for her to have material things, so she just kept her clothes when she left her father’s house, and it wasn’t as if she had many of those there. She hadn’t even been able to have her own laptop and phone that he didn’t control until she was here, something that Riftan brought her the moment that they got here, telling her it would always be hers.
But still, it hurt to see how little things she had, still room in her bag for things she didn’t have.
Not to mention that she still had to take her wedding ring off. It took a couple of weeks to get used to it being there, loose around her finger, then firm as she gained weight away from her father’s, and now loose once more. Easy to take off, and just leave on the counter with a note that this wasn’t working for her, and she wanted to go back home.
It was already written. An uber outside waiting for her. There was still a few hours before Riftan would return home. She had made sure that she would leave near lunchtime, when he would still be at work to make this easier.
It would be like she was never here. She made sure to clean up any mess that she may have made before she left, remove the traces of dust that she left, any hair on the ground that morning. Only the note and wedding ring left to think that she had ever been here. It wasn’t hard anyway, it wasn’t as if she had been outside of her room for the last week.
But it always seemed that things would never work out that way for her. The front door opened just as she was putting down the note, her fingers beginning to take off her ring.
“Maxi, why is there a car outside?” Riftan’s voice called out as he closed the door, the sound of it like a punch to her gut and causing her to freeze. “Do you have a friend over?”
She didn’t want to talk to him now. She had planned this all so that he wouldn’t be home, would barely realise that she was gone. She had washed and dried all of her sheets this morning, the bed looking as if it had never been used, all of the blankets back in the linen closet.
“Why is there a suitcase here?” he asked from the entryway, confusion in his voice.
She didn’t say anything, her mind blanking as she heard him take off his shoes, the clack of the drawer shutting as he put them away.
Then she was caught, frozen like a deer in headlights as he entered the living area, finding her standing in the kitchen. The note lying on the clean bench as her hand was still taking off the ring.
“What are you doing?” He came close, and she stayed still, closing her eyes and looking down as tears threatened to fall. He opened the letter, only the sound of the paper crinkling for a moment as he read.
“What does this mean Maxi?”
“I… I’m l-leaving.”
“Why?”
She tried to turn away, wiping her face as the tears broke free and dripped down her face. He didn’t let her, his hand gently grabbing her chin, pulling her closer. “I… I.”
“Why are you leaving me Maxi?”
“I… Th-this… this isn’t w-working o-out.”
“How is it not working out? You’re away from your father. He can’t hurt you anymore. It’s working out Maxi, why would you want to leave, and go back to that asshole.”
“I… It’s j-just n-not working o-out, okay!” she cried out, looking up at her as tears streaked from her eyes. “I d-don’t l-like my l-life h-here. I d-do n-nothing e-except w-work. I have n-no friends. I h-have a h-husband who d-doesn’t e-even t-touch me. W-when I g-get s-sick he w-won’t l-leave m-me a-alone, b-but o-once I’m b-better it s-seems w-worse th-than it w-was b-before. W-why would I n-not w-want t-to leave?”
“What?”
“It’s t-true Riftan, a-and you kn-know it. I d-don’t have a-anyone to sp-speak with except th-the cashier a-at the g-grocery store, and th-the few t-times I can call R-Ruth back h-home. You d-don’t touch m-me for fucks s-sake! I’m y-your wife, a-and I know th-that I f-forced you i-into it b-by asking f-for you t-to p-pretend to b-be my h-husband. Th-the last p-person who t-touched me b-before I g-got sick w-was H-Hebaron when he h-helped me into th-the car b-because you were t-too b-busy! D-do you kn-know how i-isolating it is? S-sometimes it f-feels like I n-never left m-my f-father’s because I a-am just a-as ignored a-as I was th-there!” She pushed at his chest, trying to get him away.
“I was just trying to do what I thought was best, Maxi,” he said, his voice so soft. It sounded like he was in pain, confusion filling the rest of his tone. “You never told me that you wanted to be touched. You never tell me anything. I saw the bruises on your shoulders that you tried to hide, the way that you flinched whenever someone got too close and—” he turned away, not letting her see his face for a moment. “I thought that it was better for you if I didn’t. You’ve been through so much, and even though I love you so much, I want to be with you for eternity. I knew it was better for you if you spent time alone, without men. Do you know how much it has hurt, to be two doors down, metres that felt like miles away? How I had to keep my hands to myself, to make sure that I wouldn’t scare you. I don’t want to scare you Maxi. I just want you to live a happy life, with no worries. I thought that it was best for you to—”
“How c-can you th-think that?” Maxi yelled. “How c-can you j-just assume my th-thoughts? How I f-feel? How c-could you assume th-that I d-don’t want to be t-touched? For fucks s-sake Riftan, why w-would I a-ask you t-to marry m-me if I d-didn’t like y-you? If I d-didn’t want t-to marry you? I w-would have a-asked Ruth, or E-Elliot or a-anyone else if I w-wanted a m-marriage where I w-was sure th-there would have b-been no interest, n-no touching, a-anything.” Tears glistened in her eyes and she rested his forehead against his chest, wanting to pound her fist against it. “W-why would I h-have c-chosen to m-marry you if I d-didn’t want y-you? If I d-didn’t want t-to be t-touched Riftan? W-why would I h-have asked th-the only man th-that I feel c-comfortable with, th-that I enjoy th-the touch of?”
“I didn’t know.”
“Of c-course that’s your excuse a-and… I c-can’t stay here R-Riftan. Especially a-after the k-kindness you showed m-me when I was s-sick. It w-would kill me t-to stay and n-never have th-that again.”
“Fucking hell. We should have just… talked. When we married. Because I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay with me. I… I’m an idiot who should have had a conversation, who asked you first, and checked whether or not you wanted to be touched. I—” he wiped a hand down his face a deep sigh emanating from him that made Maxi look up. “I thought I was doing what was best, and I realise now that wasn’t right. That I should have asked you. I thought that leaving you alone would make you comfortable, and that you would come and talk to me if you wanted attention, or to be touched and… Fuck. I’m fucking up the life of the girl I love and—” the last part was whispered out, Maxi barely catching the words.
“Y-you love me?” She asked, more tears brimming in her eyes as she looked up.
“How could I not? You’re beautiful, and nice. Every time you come into the room it seems to get brighter. I want you to have an easy life that you enjoy, where you don’t have to worry about your father. I want you to stay. If I hadn’t been such a fucking idiot… Maxi,” he looked down for a moment, before slowly kneeling. “I want you to stay. Please, don’t leave me. I want to be your husband, really, truely.”
Maxi stood still. Her sluggish mind still catching up with what was happening. “I… I need t-to go and c-cancel that c-car,” she said, running outside without a second thought.
“Maxi!”
“I’m s-sorry,” she said to the driver as he lowered the window from her knocking. “I d-don’t need th-the car anymore. S-sorry for th-the t-trouble,” she finished, throwing him the bunch of cash that she had kept aside before running back inside.
Riftan was standing at the door, confusion on his face as he watched her run up.
“I’ll s-stay,” she said, jumping up to hug his neck, his hands immediately circling her waist. “I’ll s-stay. If you p-promise to p-properly be m-my h-husband.”
“Of course,” he replied, his hand closing and locking the door before tangling in her hair, making sure that her head was cushioned as he pushed her up against the wall, kissing her harshly.
Her eyes widened as she gasped, not expecting this to happen.
“You should know,” he said, barely pulling away from her mouth. “That I heard you saying my name, and every little moan in your sleep last week. Do you have anything to tell me, sweetheart?”
She averted her eyes down, a blush filling her cheeks. “N-no.”
“That’s a lie sweetheart,” he replied. “It was such cute little cries, and the way that you said my name… Fucking hell, I’m such an idiot. I should have known.”
“B-but you c-can make it up t-to me, right?”
“Of course Maxi. Where do you want to start?”
“C-can we go t-to the b-bedroom? P-please?”
“Maxi, what do you want me to do?”
“I… I w-want you. W-we’ve b-been m-married for m-months and—”
“Oh. Fuck Maxi,” he groaned, moving his head to rest his forehead against the wall as if trying to cool it down. His hands pulled her thighs up as his hips pushed her into the wall further. “Don’t tell me that. It’s all I can think about everyday at home. Pulling you into my room…” he kissed her neck, his lips lingering for a moment as he sucked there. “Showing you how much I love you.”
He grinded his hips into her’s, causing her to gasp and cry out, a high pitched sound that he kissed her for, as if trying to capture it forever.
She knew the feeling, a heat between her thighs beginning, burning hotly and deep. She knew what was going to happen if she let it. Wandering fingers making their way up her hip, drawing circles as he tried to keep calm. She was scared, of course. This would be her first time, and she knew, deep in her gut, that the stories she would read at night, curled up in her bed, making sure that she made no noise as her hand wandered downwards and her cheeks reddened. That sweet release that she would find.
Those stories were wrong, and that this wouldn’t be painless, and although she was scared of pain, even her father’s multitude of beatings couldn’t get that out of her. She was looking forward to this, to eventually, a few weeks or months down the line, being able to take him easily, his bare body moving atop of hers, their sweat mixing as he kissed her. His chest weighing her down as he pulled one of her legs to notch above his hip.
“By Wigrew Maxi, the things you do to me. That I could do to you, have thought of doing to you, but never did in fear of you hating and becoming fearful of me. But now… Please Maxi, please tell me that you actually do want to do this. That you actually want to have sex, and aren’t just—”
“I d-do. I w-want you t-to h-have a-all of m-me, R-Riftan.”
He looked at her, his eyes searching deeply, checking, making sure that he wasn’t imagining it, that she really trusted him, really wanted him.
She nodded, hoping that her eyes told him how much she loved him, how much she wanted him. How he was the only one for her, someone that no one else could be.
He kissed her back in reply, pulling her away from the wall, still clutching her to him as he finally made his way to his room. Or, could she say their room now? Now that the miscommunication had been fixed, and he knew her feelings.
“How fast do you want to go Maxi?” he asked as he placed her on the bed gently, his hand still on her waist as he leant over her.
“I d-don’t know.”
He nodded, looking away for a moment. She didn’t like that, her hand pulling at his arm, asking for his attention. She needed it now, so long without attention that she felt as if she was drowning in despair, and finally, now, she was thrown a lifeline by Riftan. Yet he turned to look away and it felt like it was just out of reach once more.
“R-Riftan,” she whined, and he turned to her, noticing her watery eyes, the tears brimming within them.
“Maxi, what’s wrong?”
“Y-you weren’t p-paying a-attention to m-me.”
There was a sadness in his eyes for a moment as he looked at her. “I was just thinking about how to do this.”
“What d-do you m-mean?”
“Maxi, I know that this is probably your first time, and I don’t want to hurt you and—”
“You c-can’t st-stop it f-from h-hurting,” she replied.
“I know, which is why I was trying to remember if I had any lube left or not to make it easier.”
“W-why would w-we n-need it?”
“To make it easier for you, Maxi. I don’t want to hurt you, especially not now.”
“I h-have s-some, in m-my room.” A blush overtook her cheeks as she said it.
“Why do you have lube in your room sweetheart?”
“I… I,” she looked down, unable to look in his eyes. “S-sometimes, at n-night, when I’m r-reading a r-really g-good book I—”
“Oh Maxi,” he replied. “I’ve really been fucking up now haven’t I?”
She nodded, looking away from his face for a moment once again, her eyes pulled downwards, past the collar of his sweatshirt. Staring at the skin that she could see. What would it be like to rest her head against it. Maybe even lick it, taste his skin. What would it taste of? He always smelled so good, especially now, even with the hint of sweat and—
“Maxi, you give me shit for looking away from you for a moment, and yet you’re not paying attention to me.”
She looked up, finding him smiling, soft, but almost devilish and her blush deepened.
“Sweetheart, if you want to look at my chest, you can just tell me,” he said, lifting his upper body up, his hands reaching for the bottom of his sweatshirt. She noticed the glint of gold on his finger, grabbing his hand.
She knew that she always kept her wedding ring on, but was surprised to find that he did as well. The ring was snug on his finger, the gold contrasting against his skin as he let her pull his hand close. It almost seemed as if he had never taken it off.
He said nothing as she looked up at him, and she wondered how she had never noticed it on his finger.
“We’re both dumb, now aren’t we sweetheart.”
She nodded, letting his hand go, her own reaching for the bottom of his sweatshirt, trying to pull it up as she moved closer to him. He let her struggle for a moment, unable to get it past his shoulders with his arms still down.
“Help m-me, p-please,” she said, tears of frustration in her eyes as he just sat there, watching her face.
The sweatshirt was off the next moment, his hands pulling her close, pressing his warm and bare chest against her own covered one as she was pushed to lie back down on the bed.
“Did you really want to see my chest that bad?” he asked, his arms trapping her head in place.
Her cheeks felt warm in the moment that she paused, waiting to say anything. And then she looked down again instead, biting her lip as she avoided his gaze.
“Ahh, you did,” he says, kissing her forehead so sweetly, before his head moved, his lips mouthing at her neck, causing a sigh to leave her.
It felt so strange, especially when considering that her first proper kiss was barely moments ago. God, what would people think, she just had her second kiss, or the first if you didn’t count their courthouse wedding, where she thought that he was just doing it as a favour to help her and… now, she was so willing to have sex with Riftan, was pulling his clothes off, and mewling at his mouth on her skin, shifting, unable to stay still as his hands moved stroke up her own, pulling them up to raise above her head.
He stilled for a moment, lifting himself up, his chest lifting up from her own for a moment as he looked down at her. His face looked so soft, his eyes gently roaming her face. His knee was sandwiched between her thighs as he moved up, and she squirmed around it, grinding on it to try and relieve some of the need as he just sat there, doing nothing as the warmth in her belly ignited.
“Sweetheart,” he said when he felt her grinding against his knee.
“L-let my hands g-go p-please,” she said, needing to hold him properly.
He did, his hands moving to stroke her sides as she sat back up, resting her head against his torso for a moment. His skin was warm against her cheek, and a part of her wondered if they should just stay like this, his hand warm against her sides as she rested against him, content for a moment to just be like this. Cared for.
One of his hands moved down to her hip, his thumb slipping underneath her shirt to stroke her bare skin.
It surprised her for a moment, her eyes going wide until she looked up at him. His eyes were closed, and he looked so content. The only thing that she thought would make him even more comfortable would be to rest his head atop of hers, his head bowed so strangely since she was so much shorter at the moment.
Her hands moved, reaching for his belt as she watched his face. His eyes twitched for a moment as she pulled at the zip and button.
“Maxi, what are you doing?”
“S-something that I w-want to d-do.” It was true too. She had dreamed of this, one night after reading a… particular scene in a novel on her phone, hidden underneath blankets as a blush overtook her face, praying that Riftan wouldn’t hear her as he watched tv in the main room, just a couple of walls away.
“Ma—” her name died in his throat as she opened his pants, pulling them down just enough to gently grasp his cock with her hand, pulling it out. “Oh god sweetheart.”
She wondered what had come over her for a moment. She had always liked Riftan, it was one of the reasons she asked him to marry her, but why was she here, in this moment, pulling his cock out of his pants, still fully clothed. This wasn’t how it happened in books.
This wasn’t how she had imagined her first time going. But her instinct had won out, and the moment that she heard his voice die in his throat, the moan that followed… she couldn’t stop herself.
It looked strange in her hand. Thick and large, and a voice inside her head, deep down in her brain, wondered if she would even be able to take him within her. She could close her fist around it, and while the head looked large, his entire cock looked larger than she had imagined it would. But it fit him so well. His broad shoulders and chest. The abs that her eyes had just been resting upon. How could she have thought that his cock would be smaller?
“Maxi,” he moaned out once more, and when she looked up his cheeks were flushed, his head thrown back as he looked as if he might fall backwards. His shoulders were tense, and when she moved her thumb, stoking the head of his cock, he shuddered, his head falling forwards instead.
One of his hands reached out, wrapping around her shoulders to pull her close, his fingers tangling in her hair as his thighs gave out, no longer kneeling and taller than her so that his forehead could rest upon the crown of her head.
“Maxi, please. You shouldn’t. Not on your first time.” His fingers untwined from her hair, stroking it instead.
“B-but I want t-to.”
“No, I… I feel bad. I should be looking after you, not the other way around. I haven’t had the chance to shower since this morning, and I’d rather not have you giving me a blow job when I’m sweaty and not clean and—”
She ignored him, her hand still grasped around his cock as she stroked the head once more, all of his words failing in his throat.
She pushed him back, and he toppled so easily, his hair like a halo around his head as she looked at him, his cheeks still so flushed. His hands gripped the sheets almost immediately, as if he needed something to cling to, to keep him grounded.
Maxi looked down at his cock again, her thumb still gently stroking the head as precome began to bead up. It looked watery and strange. She couldn’t stop herself from using her spare hand to wipe it off, bringing her finger to her mouth. It didn’t taste of anything really, just salty and a little bitter.
Riftan let out a groan, just glimpsing her licking it off of her finger as he lifted his head.
“Fuck sweetheart,” he said. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
He wouldn’t exactly be wrong.
She watched his heaving chest for a moment, her mind wandering. Maybe she should stop for now. He looked so broken already, and as much as she wanted him to come right now. A part of her wanted him to be inside her when it happened.
Her gaze moved back down to his cock, looking at how red it already was, the precome beginning to bead and slip down the head once more. I wouldn’t be too bad to have him come in her mouth first. She was sure that it would even feel nice, and good and—
She didn’t stop herself, leaning down to kiss it, her tongue licking off the precome. It tasted a little saltier straight from his cock, but still not too bad. She wouldn’t mind doing this often, especially as she heard her name and groans fall from his lips.
Then she opened her mouth, taking his head and gently sucking.
She thought she heard him cry out, her name leaving Riftan once more as she sucked, her other hand gently moving up and down on his cock.
It felt strange, and her jaw hurt from trying to open her mouth wide enough to take him. Tears leaked from her eyes as she looked up. His fingers gripped the bed sheets so hard that they turned white, and she swore she could hear threads ripping.
He kept repeating her name like a prayer, the words falling from his lips as his cheeks blushed, and he somehow got stiffer in her mouth. His eyes were closed so harshly as he swallowed back another groan, his head falling back and she felt his thighs twitch below her.
She shifted her own thighs, rubbing them against each other for a moment, and she could almost swear that there was wetness there. Leeching down her thighs after pooling within her underwear. How could giving Riftan a simple, barely anything blow job do this to her? Have her more needy and wanton than she thought possible.
“Maxi…” he groaned as she pulled back, an ache in her jaw that felt strange as she looked back at his cock. Her whole body felt strange, and her eyes flicked up for a moment, finding his chest heaving and she wondered why. He hadn’t even come yet.
“Maxi, stop. I can’t—” his words broke off once again as she turned her attention back to the tip of him, kissing it gently before her tongue licked it. She tried to ignore the ache in her jaw, taking the head into her mouth once more, sucking it gently.
“Maxi… sweetheart,” he moaned, his hips moving back so that his cock left her mouth with a pop as her lips stayed open.
Why was she sad that it was gone? Her mouth empty, no longer tasting the salt of his skin, how warm he was.
She wasn’t left long, his thumb resting on her bottom lip for a moment. He swiped it across her lips, the touch so gentle before it was in her mouth, his other fingers holding her chin to pull her up.
“You shouldn't have done that sweetheart,” he said, his free hand brushing away the tears from under her eyes, the spit falling down her chin.
“I… I l-lik—” she tried to say, his thumb stopping her as he pulled her close, kissing her as if he didn’t mind that she had just been sucking his cock, that her mouth was full of him and—
“I haven’t done anything for you yet,” he said, pulling away from kissing her for a moment, his thumb stroking her bottom lip for a moment.
“I… I d-don’t mind,” she replied, a blush overtaking her face as she looked down. Unable to look him in the eyes for a moment as she stared down at his cock again. It still looked so hard and unsatisfied, the tip shining from her saliva as another drop of precum began to form. She had to look away again, her gaze focusing on the headboard as she tried to stop thinking of breaking away from his grip to take him in her mouth once more. “I enjoyed d-doing it. I r-really l-liked it.” Her face grew more hot from her blush. Why was she blushing? She had just taken him into her mouth with no forethought or problem but now she blushed and became more timid.
“Fucking hell sweetheart,” he said softly, his hands pushing her hair away from her face as he looked at her again, his eyes falling to her lips. “You’re not making it any easier for me. I want to take this slow, and gently like you deserve, but my whole body screams at me to just take you now. With no breaks—”
“I d-don’t mind.”
“What?”
“I d-don’t mind if y-you just t-take me,” she repeated, a sudden rush of confidence making her look up at him. “It might hurt for a bit, but I know that you will make it feel good, and then—”
“Maxi… It’s your first time. Our first time, and I don’t want to fuck you if it will hurt you.”
“B-but what if I w-want you t-to f-fuck me?”
His head fell to her still clothed shoulder. “Fucking hell Maxi. You’re going to kill me.”
She laughed at it, not noticing his hands moving until they were undoing the button of her pants, the zip pulled down before his fingers began to pull the material down, his head following, kissing the skin now showing. Maxi was hit with a feeling of deja-vu. He was doing the same thing that she had done to him, except she had been able to just pull his cock out, while he pulled off her pants to get to her.
She froze when he looked up at her, still mouthing at the skin on her stomach. His eyes seemed to be so dark with desire that she couldn’t see anything else. Just his gaze, his hands coming back up to her hips, and his tongue licking at her skin until he moved upwards, pulling her shirt and sweater off as his head moved to her breasts.
“You look so perfect everywhere Maxi,” he said, his mouth licking a stripe between her breasts before moving to a nipple.
A blush formed over her cheeks as she let out a moan, Riftan’s hands holding her back so that she wouldn’t tip over as he started sucking at her breast. She grasped at his hair, her fingers tangling in strands that threatened to slip through her fingers like sand.
“R-Riftan,” she moaned, trying to pull him closer as one of his hands slipped from her lower back, moving towards the apex of her thighs,
“Just relax sweetheart,” he murmured against the skin of her breast. His fingers finally reached her labia, stroking through the lips slowly and gently. “You’re so fucking wet already too.”
She nodded, biting back a whine as his thumb reached her clit and a finger entered her.
“You’re almost dripping sweetheart. How long have you been needy?”
“I d-don’t know,” she whined back, her voice so high pitched that she hated it.
“I quite like it,” he said, his finger entering her with a strange noise. “Knowing that you get like this for me. That those nights I would watch over you and you were whining out my name were real, and not just figments of my imagination.”
Maxi just nodded along, too many sensations with his mouth still at her breast, his thumb on her clit and her finger inside of her, a second one beginning to join, stretching her out already.
“Did you get like this from sucking my cock?” he asked, his fingers pausing within her for a moment.
She whimpered, her head nodding in response as her fingers clenched in his hair.
Those strange wet noises continued, his large fingers moving once more, curling inside her against a spot that seemed to make her release move closer.
He stopped moving for another moment, giving Maxi a small reprieve as everything slowed and she could relax.
She let go of his hair, letting out a breath as she opened her eyes.
He moved to look at her, his expression so soft, although a smile was pulling at the side of his mouth. “You’re doing so well sweetheart,” he said, his free hand pushing sweat soaked strands of hair from her forehead. “And my wife is so fucking hot.”
How did that make her feel more wet, like she was soaking his fingers as they stayed within her, still until he seemed to notice her slight movement. He curled his fingers once more, and she turned her face away from him as he laughed.
“R-Riftan. P-please, it’s all t-too much.”
“Maxi, just let go sweetheart. It will be fine.”
She nodded, her head still turned away as he pulled her into his lap, resting her against his chest. She could feel his cock resting against her back, large and warm, the head still slightly wet from her as she squirmed. Maxi tried to roll her hips to Riftan’s movements, only made harder as his hand came round to grasp her breast, his mouth settling at her neck.
“Why don’t you look down sweetheart,” he said, his voice like a sinner’s prayer in her ear, his lips brushing her neck as he said it. “I could spend an eternity with you right here, like this, and never be tired of it. Never tire of you, and the noises that you make.”
“R-Riftan—” she mewled in response, his fingers slowing as she did what he said, only able to see his wrist and forearm flexing as her breasts heaved and blocked her vision. A secondary instinct tried pulling at his arms to stop him as he started massaging her breast. It took him only a moment to overpower her, her arms pushed into her sides as she cried out, her body moving without her even thinking.
She could feel the crest of an orgasm, Riftan’s fingers moving and curling, his thumb rubbing at her clit as her hips rolled and shifted until it finally crashed like waves against a shore and his fingers left her with a last stroke upwards towards her clit before they rested on her hip, drawing slow and soft circles.
It took a moment to come back to herself, her body feeling heavy as she rested her head on Riftan’s shoulder, his hair feeling so soft against her flushed forehead until he turned his face, kissing her cheek.
“Okay?” he asked, moving to hold her close and rest her head against his chest. He kissed her forehead and she blinked up at him slowly, feeling as if she was still out of her body.
“I… I,” she swallowed, her voice feeling so strange as it took a moment for her mind to catch up. He looked so pretty when she looked at him from this angle. A hint of concern on his face, but he ultimately looked happy.
She looked away for a moment, closing her eyes to think.
“I l-liked it a l-lot,” she finally replied, turning to look back up at his jawline, a hand lifting to trace patterns of nothing in his chest. Lingering to feel his muscles, trace the lines of him down. She had always known that he was fit, but it seemed only now that it was sinking in, when her fingers found the firm muscles beneath his skin, and he let out tense breaths as she just traced his skin.
She blinked slowly, looking at his chest one last time, the bronze skin that contrasted against her own before looking up. His eyes were still watching her.
“C-can you f-fuck me n-now?”
He sucked in a breath so harshly that she thought for a brief moment that she had killed him with those simple words.
“I don’t want to fuck you when it’s your first time,” he replied, gently moving to lie her down on the mattress, her head cradled by one of his pillows.
Maxi lifted her arms in response, resting them over his shoulders so that he would have to come with her. “I know. Y-you’ll be n-nice a-and g-good to me at f-first. A-and then—” she paused, averting her eyes for a moment once more as she shifted her hips, rubbing her thighs together to try and calm herself. It didn’t work from the way they still seemed wet and sticky. “You c-could fuck me.”
“Fucking hell Maxi. You’re going to kill me.”
“N-not if you f-fuck me,” she tried to joke, and a hint of a smile pulled at his mouth.
“Okay then sweetheart. Is it okay if I start now then?”
“You w-want me t-to wait m-more?”
Riftan laughed in response, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She felt the bed shift as he changed positions, his breath brushing against her cheek.
Then his hand was back there, and something much larger was pushing at her entrance as he notched himself, his hand moving to her thighs to push a gap between them.
“Take a breath and relax Maxi,” she heard him say, even though she was distracted.
He felt hot just there, still for a moment before she felt his hand back at her, his thumb moving to slowly circle her clit as he began to push in.
She somehow swallowed down the cry that threatened to leave her, a gasp of air leaving instead. It felt so much different to taking him in her mouth, even though it felt like only a moment ago. There was more discomfort as he pushed in, and she had to close her eyes as a tear threatened to leave.
“Fuck,” Riftan said, stilling within her. “You fe—” he broke away, no longer looking down as he focused on her face. “Maxi. Fuck, fuck—” he began to pull out, a hint of panic in his voice.
“No!” she cried out, her hands moving to his shoulder blades, her fingernails gripping to try and stop him from moving. “D-don’t you f-fucking dare.”
“You’re hurting. I don’t want you to be in pain. It killed me when you were sick and all I could do was watch over you as you—”
“I’m n-not sick a-anymore, and if y-you stop… Th-the next t-time we t-try to have s-sex it will h-hurt just a-as bad.”
“I… Maxi, I have spent so much time trying to make sure that you’re healthy, and free of pain and I don’t want to cause you any pain.”
“F-fucking move th-then. It w-won’t get less p-painful if you d-don’t actually f-fuck me.”
He still hadn’t moved after another moment, just looking down at Maxi with a pained expression as frustration took over hers.
She shook her head, trying to ignore the slight pain and stretch in her thighs as she moved her legs, hooking them over Riftan’s and bracing for the pain.
“Maxi wh-what—”
She couldn’t stop the cry of pain leaving her as she tried to use her strength to pull his hips down the last few inches.
He didn’t move.
She did instead, feeling as if she had impaled herself on him, as if a wave of hot pain had crashed over her for a moment before receding as she somehow stayed there, clinging onto him.
“Maxi… Why?”
“You w-weren’t listening t-to me,” she said through panting, pained breaths. “I t-told you t-to keep g-going and you ign-nored me.”
“Sweetheart,” he said, and it sounded as if there was so much pain in the way he said the word. “I’m sorry.”
“P-put me on th-the bed p-properly p-please… A-and don’t you d-dare pull o-out,” she added as an afterthought.
He seemed to finally listen to her, his body feeling as if he was crushing her, his hands cupping her cheeks, checking her for any more signs of pain.
She just sighed and closed her eyes. The pain felt as if it was ebbing away, not fast enough for her liking, or how it had been described in novels, but well enough that she could relax.
His fingers still stroked her cheeks. She could feel his chest panting against her breasts, as if it was causing him great pain to stay still, even though just moments before he hadn’t even wanted to do this.
“Ah… Fuck,” he grunted out, his head falling to her shoulder and his upper arms shaking in exertion, almost in time with his legs. “Maxi, are you all right?”
“I’m p-perfectly fine,” she replied. “My o-only problem is th-that my o-oaf of a h-husband won’t listen t-to me.”
Another almost pained grunt left him. “Can I move?”
“P-please.”
He shifted, resting his forearms on either side of her head and kissing her. He was so gentle, his lips softly pressing against her own as he slowly shifted his hips, driving deeper into her.
Maxi let out a gasp. She couldn’t explain it. It was as if the pain had melted away, and all she could feel was his thickness within her, thrusting so slowly and deeply that all she could do was respond to his kiss, let him tug at her bottom lip for a moment before his tongue entered her mouth.
“Sweetheart, how do you feel so perfect?” he whispered, moving to kiss the side of her mouth.
She couldn’t do anything but moan, her hand moving so that she could curl her fingers into his hair.
A particularly deep thrust left her gasping, trying to find his mouth once more as one of his hands moved downwards, stroking her side and leg before reaching towards where they were joined, his thumb seeming to easily find her clit, stroking it as if he wanted something.
“R-Riftan,” she cried out at it, her back arching to push her breasts against his chest. “W-why—”
“I’m so fucking close Maxi… please, can you come for me again?”
“I d-don’t know,” she cried out, her hips moving at his touch, his thrusts speeding faster and somehow becoming deeper. “Ah… ngh… R-Riftan.” She had to close her eyes, trying to rest her head against his shoulder. She hadn’t expected that the warmth within her belly could be stoked into a fire once more, so sure that the pain from losing her virginity would smother it.
She should have known she was wrong. Riftan seemed to have the uncanny ability to stoke it back into a flame, kissing her forehead, his breath brushing her skin, seeming to cool the beads of sweat there.
“Come on sweetheart. Come for me again please.”
She nodded at his words, the desire, and the closeness to the brink of orgasm pulling at her. Riftan just kept stroking at her clit, his thrusts slowing down to become longer, pulling at her as he whispered nothing to her, his lips brushing her forehead with every syllable.
“R-Riftan… I… I–” she couldn’t think properly, her words dying and turning into nonsense in her throat. The peak seemed to be edging closer every moment, only spurred further by his touch.
“Maxi please, I ne—”
Her cry interrupted him, her orgasm crashing over her, and she involuntarily clenched down, her legs shaking slightly as she rode it out.
“Ah, fuck,” he grunted in response, thrusting into her one last time before his strength gave out, and he collapsed on top of her.
It was silent for a moment, only Riftan’s heavy breathing permeating through the room until he caught his breath, lifting himself up and pulling out of her.
She winced at the movement of him slowly leaving her, her lower region feeling raw and sore. Riftan cradled her face in his hands once more, kissing her forehead and stroking her cheeks.
“Maxi, holy fuck sweetheart.”
She just nodded at his words, moving her arms so that she could slowly sit up, her gaze drawn to the white liquid slowly dripping out of her. She hadn’t expected that. So many emotions over the last hour that they had completely forgotten about protection.
There must have been panic when she looked back at him, and then he followed where her gaze had been.
“R-Riftan,” she said after a moment, panic and fear filling her voice. “What d-do we do? I… I d-don’t want a b-baby right n-now.”
“I’ll pick up some plan b later this evening or in the morning,” he replied. “Or I can go and get it now.”
“D-don’t leave me.”
“I won’t Maxi, I will never leave you.”
She nodded, relaxing a bit as he took her into his arms.
“Would you like me to run you a bath?”
“Will y-you join m-me?”
“Of course sweetheart,” he replied, lifting her up and walking to the bathroom. She felt so small and cradled in his arms. Like she was the most precious thing he ever had. Held so close to his chest that she could hear his heartbeat if she rested her ear on his chest.
She was placed on the counter as he ran the bath, his hand keeping track of the temperature. She could feel his come still dripping out of her, even with her legs closed, falling onto the counter below her.
She couldn’t stop the blush of embarrassment at it, so glad that he was facing the other way, filling up the tub and pouring bubble bath into it.
She could stare openly at him when he was standing across from her. His shoulders were so broad, the muscles in his back shifting as he swished water in the tub. There was sweat in his hair, the strands clinging to his skin, parts curling slightly from the moisture.
It took a moment before he turned back to her, his arms pulling her so close once more. He placed her into the water so gently, even as she let out a groan of pain at the warm water and soap.
“It’s a good thing I’m not working tomorrow then,” Riftan said as he slowly moved in beside her, his arms pulling her back towards his chest.
She nodded for a moment, knowing that it was the weekend the next day. “Wh-why d-did you c-come home e-early? Your w-work d-day isn’t o-over for h-hours.” She said quietly, slipping down to rest her head on his chest.
“I had a bad feeling. Something told me in my gut that something was wrong, and I needed to get home. Also,” he continued, his finger tapping the tip of her nose as if she was a child. “I got a call from Ruth when I came into work asking if you had talked to me, and after that, when the feeling happened, I knew that I had to come home.”
“Wh-what about th-the d-day I g-got sick?”
“The alarm on the door went, and when it didn’t go off a couple of minutes later, and the car wasn’t gone, I had a feeling that something had happened.”
“S-somehow you h-have b-bad feelings a-about me b-being in t-trouble, b-but d-didn’t r-realise my f-feelings for y-you.”
“Yeah. I’m an idiot, but I’m your idiot now Maxi. That ring on your finger proves it.”
She laughed, and it hurt her lower body, the sound turning to a groan as Riftan rubbed her back.
“We should have taken it more slowly,” he said, concern clear on his face when she looked up. “Just done foreplay today instead of fucking.”
“It w-was f-fine, R-Riftan. It h-hurt a l-little, b-but I e-enjoyed it t-too.”
“I still don’t like causing you pain. You’ve been through so much, and I—”
“Y-you’re n-not my f-father. D-don’t ever th-think you c-could b-be like h-him.”
“But I—”
“You s-stopped, a-and paused w-when I w-was in p-pain. H-he w-would have j-just k-kept h-hitting me.” She could still picture it, the clack of his cane, that feeling that was so terrible. So much worse than the little amount of pain she had just gone through.
“I just… I want you to live a life that you deserve, with no pain or heartbreak anymore. If only I had the money to give you all of the dresses and jewels that you deserve.” There was a pause. “I hated it, you know,” he moved his head back, stretching his neck over the lip of the tub for a moment. “Seeing you every day in those long sleeved shirts and cardigans. Making sure to cover every inch of your skin. Flinching whenever there was a loud noise, someone moved too fast, when there was a voice too similar to your fathers, or when he was mentioned. I should have gotten you out of there sooner. I should have done so much more sooner.”
“R-Riftan, you’ve d-done wh-what you c-could.”
“No. I could have done more, I should have done more. I mean… fuck! I hated seeing your eyes so sunken, how skinny you were and still are, how you never ate enough, you still never eat as much as you should. If I hadn’t had to stay in Croyso for that long. If I had some balls I would have fucking taken you from there months before, bringing you here so that you could be safe and happy, and fucking communicated with you, like a normal person. But I’m just a goddamn oaf who doesn’t realise what’s right in front of me.”
“B-but you’re m-my o-oaf,” she replied, her hand pulling his face to look at her.
He smiled, letting out a small laugh at her, and her thumb rested on his chin, pulling it further down so that she could gently kiss him, his own arms pulling her further up his chest and closer, holding her tighter.
“I h-have a k-kind h-husband, and a s-safe home. It’s a-all I n-need.”
“You still deserve more.”
“If m-my h-husband keeps g-giving me a-attention, a-and h-has s-sex with m-me w-when I a-ask, I’ll b-be h-happy.”
“If that’s all you want then, I’ll make sure that it never ends.”