Work Text:
Niki stared down at his hands in disbelief, crouched on the floor of the bathroom in Cinnamon .
This… can’t be real, right?
He had been washing dishes, happy for once that he could have a peaceful shift as Rinne and the other bees were off doing solo work. In the middle of drying a plate, he felt a sudden aching feeling in his chest and immediately was hit by a breathlessness he had never felt before.
The plate had dropped from his hands, shattering across the floor, and he ran teary-eyed and choking to the bathroom. Leaned over the sink with his hands held out, he had finally managed to clear his throat and spit whatever was choking him into his hands. He gasped for air as his airway was cleared, his eyes trying to blink away the tears.
Which led to where he was now, crouched down on the floor of the bathroom, staring down into his hands.
Staring at long yellow petals, speckled in blood.
I don’t recall eating anything with flowers…
Could I have inhaled some while I was asleep? But then where would they come from? Ototo-kun and Hinata-kun wouldn’t have any reason to stuff flowers in my mouth… At least I think so?
Niki scrunched his nose and stood up, spitting out blood into the sink. He never liked the acrid taste, like that of rusted iron that made even him sick to his stomach.
He dropped the blood-speckled petals into the trash and then turned the faucet on, watching his blood run off into the drain.
Try as he might, Niki couldn’t deny what was happening to him. He wasn’t dumb, he knew of this rare condition, one that was born from a love so intense yet lies unrequited, a curse for loving too much.
Hanahaki.
Niki turned the faucet off and untied his hair, combing it out and straightening his clothes to hide the evidence of him coughing up his lungs prior.
He tied his hair back up and looked at himself in the mirror once more, smiling. “Nahaha. Not much I can do~ Gotta finish my shift with a smile!”
Hyping himself up, Niki walked out of the bathroom with a smile and a forced skip. He ran over to help his manager clean the shattered plate up, explaining that it had slipped out of his hand and cut him a little when it broke.
It was a good lie, and his manager appeared to believe it. Niki could almost believe it himself, if he tried hard enough.
But the faint taste of flowers and blood still lingered in his mouth, taunting him.
Niki finished the rest of his shift without any more complications, clocking out and walking back to his dorm.
He chewed on a piece of beef jerky, trying to get rid of the unsavory taste. It worked a little, thankfully. He made a note that he should probably make something super savory tonight to flood his taste buds.
As he walked, he thought about himself. What his plan of action was, what he was going to do. He ended up figuring out three things.
First, he was no stranger to his own feelings. He knew very well who the object of his affections was, as much as he’d like to deny. That being the very-same bright and rowdy man that was probably the reason why his phone notifications were going off incessantly in his pocket. He decided to ignore them, leaving it to ping over and over again.
Niki didn’t know when or where, but he knew that he loved Rinne. He knew that he loved that loud man that crashed into his life, turning it upside down. The man that dragged him into a world of bright lights, that helped him experience the feeling of being full without having to eat anything at all.
He loved Rinne, and that fact would remain true as long as the earth still rotates around the sun. It was expected, wasn’t it? Him falling for the one man that he has been with for years, the man that took care of him even if he disliked outright being acknowledged for it.
Did Rinne love him back? For as much as the man would flirt with him, tease him, and ask to marry him, Niki doubted it. Most of it was Rinne getting a rise up in him, finding pleasure in making Niki frustrated. Besides, Niki was pretty sure that Rinne only saw him as a convenience and an obligation, appearing in his presence when he wanted Niki to cook him something, making sure Niki was happy and healthy all these years because he had vowed to fulfill Niki’s wish just because he fed him his nikujaga on that one summer day.
Niki coughed a little, petals and blood splattering into his hands.
And even if Rinne-kun says he loves me…the flowers don’t lie. There’s no possible way that he actually holds this same love for me if I’m here choking on these.
Second, Niki figured out that he was pretty well along with the development of his hanahaki. He knew that usually it’d start with short bouts of wheezing and breathlessness, then slowly progress painfully from that to uncontrollable bouts of coughing, to small petals, to blood-speckled petals, to full flower buds, and then finally to fully bloomed flowers.
He had started immediately at blood-speckled petals, skipping right past the first few stages.
Maybe it was a hidden seed, repressed for so long until it couldn’t be held anymore. Maybe it always was there, fighting against the confines he locked it in, growing more and more pressurized like it was inside a pressure cooker, bursting out suddenly, uncontrollably. Maybe he has loved Rinne for longer than he could tell, blinded by his own shortsightedness.
Finally, Niki knew what he was going to do.
He knew that the only ways to be freed from hanahaki was to either have the affection that he craved for be returned, or to undergo a surgery that would uproot the flowers by their roots from his lungs, taking all of the memories of the one loved with them, leaving no room for any love and emotion for that person ever again.
The first option…wasn’t likely going to happen.
Neither was the second one.
Well, it was more like Niki wouldn’t ever dream of going to get the flowers surgically removed.
It was an absolute, he would rather slowly waste away than live a life not knowing of any memories or love for Rinne.
Essentially, Niki had come to an acceptance that it wasn’t looking good for himself.
For some strange reason, he felt at peace.
Hmm. I might have a few months. Better make the most of it while I can! I’ll finish up things that I want to, make sure everything will be good at Cinnamon even without me, try some of those recipes I’ve always been meaning to try out~ Live happy and free like a bee, just like how Rinne-kun always does-
Niki frowned, a thought crossing his mind.
Should I tell…Rinne-kun? But knowing him…he’ll worry way too much. I don’t want to be a bother to him more than I already am. Not him, not Kohaku-chan, not Himeru-kun.
He closed his fist, crushing the petals in his hand.
He will hide it. No one will know, and he will remain their happy and hungry Niki. No one will worry for him, and he won’t be a bother to anyone.
Right on cue, his phone started ringing, a sign that someone had gotten frustrated with him not responding to the rapid amount of texts he received. He opened his hand, letting the crushed petals be taken away by the wind.
He took a breath to clear his throat, then picked the phone up.
“Rinne-kun, what do you want~ I just got off my shift~”
❀❀❀❀
Niki managed to hide it for several weeks, going about his days normally with his usual smile and hungry disposition. He’d occasionally excuse himself when he felt the sensation of petals in his throat, successfully expelling them from his throat without anyone noticing.
He honestly felt proud of himself, being able to keep up the charade.
Thankfully, his hanahaki didn’t seem to be growing extremely fast, even sometimes leaving him retching out just petals with no blood.
It wasn’t often, and he’d always swiftly disguise it under a need to use the restroom, food stuck in his throat, or just simply being tired and out of breath.
He stopped sleeping in the dorms, opting to stay back in his old apartment. At least there he would be able to cough without bothering anyone, and he knew for sure that both Hiiro and Hinata would immediately report to Rinne if they noticed something was up with him.
They seemed to believe his excuse of having a major cooking project, something he wanted to keep secret and work on in the apartment. Or he at least hoped they did, seeing from their seemingly understanding responses.
Practice was…exhausting, to say the least, his body getting more and more weak as the days passed. He had to take way more breaks than usual, and when questioned by his group members all he would respond with was a laugh and an excuse like “I had a busy day at work I’m kind of tired, nahaha. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine in a bit.”
He didn’t miss the strange looks Rinne would shoot at him each time, though. Full of worry.
The older man never said anything, though, so Niki never paid it any mind.
He easily got to work, cooking the dishes he’s always wanted to, sharing them with everyone while he still could. Slowly finishing the things he wanted to finish, to leave his mark and make sure that life would be able to continue on without him.
He even offered to finally take Tetora over some basics, hoping that he could get the fiery disaster of a junior to be able to cook at least something that was edible.
One thing that did change, though, was how he ate. His gastronomic condition aside, no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get rid of the acrid taste of blood and flowers in his mouth, making him lose his appetite often.
He still loved to cook, but feared eating.
Niki knew that to stay out of suspicion, though, he had to eat like he normally would. And so he did, despite how much he grew to hate the taste of anything combined with the metallic and floral traces stuck on his tongue.
The food rarely stayed down, often coming up and into the toilet he would be bent over, in an unsightly mixture of petals, blood, and his meal, an array of colors that should not be mixed.
It made Niki want to cry, thinking about how much food he was wasting. If his parents ever found out, they would be so disappointed in him.
And so Niki thought he had managed to escape into a comfortable routine, the people around him none the wiser.
He was wrong though, like how he was wrong about many things in life.
Rinne took him aside one day, leaving Kohaku and Himeru inside the practice room to look over some lyrics. They stood out in the hall.
“Rinne-kun what’s up? Don’t we have work to do?” Niki yawned, glancing back at the door of the room that the other two were in, being more productive than what he was doing at the moment.
“Niki, what’s going on?” Rinne frowned, squinting at him.
“Huh?”
“Don’t “huh” me. You’ve been tired. Really tired. Are you okay?”
Niki shrugged. “Day’s just been a little long, Rinne-kun. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”
Rinne grabbed his arm roughly, preventing him from escaping.
“That’s what you’ve been saying every time. One time it makes sense. Twice, that’s also possible. But every single time?” Rinne gripped his arm, firm. “Niki, this has been going on for weeks .”
Niki flinched. “Rinne-kun’s saying that like he knows how my days go all the time~ Aren’t you super busy with your solo work, Mr. Popular? Just because you’re not there being a nuisance in my everyday life as often as before doesn't mean that I’m having it easy~”
Rinne glared at him. “I know you haven’t been sleeping in the dorms.”
Niki groaned. “Yeah? Who told you? Ototo-kun? Hinata-kun? Congratulations Rinne-kun, you found out my big secret! Do you want a prize? Maybe some fried rice?”
“Stop joking about this, Niki. You aren’t doing fine at all. I found out myself. I saw Niki go to the bus stop, multiple times. At first I thought it was a one-time thing, but it kept happening.” Rinne stared down at him, eyes cold.
Niki felt a familiar sensation creeping up his throat, searing his lungs. He fought back the urge to double over and let it all out right then and there.
“Yeah? What makes you say that, Rinne-kun. I’m perfectly fine, see?” He forced a smile, begging in his mind for Rinne to just let him go so he could run off out of view, to get rid of those petals that were currently crawling up his insides.
Rinne growled. “Why are you being so stubborn and dumb?! You are not fine!! You haven’t been being stupidly enamored with food lately, you don’t immediately jump on the food that you cook for us or anyone else, you don’t look at me with big round puppy eyes begging for my share of food anymore. You haven’t been yourself at all!”
Niki silently cringed. Maybe he wasn’t as good at hiding things as he thought he was.
He felt the roots on his lungs squeezing him, burning. The petals slowly climbed up his throat.
Why now?!
“I’m not the only one that’s noticed, Merumeru and Kohaku-chan have too. They told me to talk to you, so here I am.”
Niki looked away, trying to find an opportunity to escape. “Well you can tell them that I’m fine and they shouldn’t worry about me~ Geez, Rinne-kun. How much do I have to tell you that I’m fine to get you to believe me? I’m completely alright!”
“Do you think you’re doing us a favor, saying not to worry when you’re obviously not doing okay? You’re doing the complete opposite, Shiina Niki.”
Niki gulped, a breathlessness suddenly hitting him. He yanked his arm out of Rinne’s hold, backing away. “W-well I’m fine and your worry is in the wrong place, Rinne-ku-” Niki coughed, feeling his throat seize up. He covered his mouth and ran.
“Niki come back here you bastard we are not done talking!”
Niki ran into a bathroom, praying that Rinne wasn’t chasing after him. He stumbled over to the sink and bent over, gagging and coughing and wheezing with teary eyes until he was finally able to breathe again.
When his vision focused, his heart dropped as he stared down at the sink, splattered in his blood, petals, and long yellow flower buds.
Flower buds. His hanahaki was finally progressing.
He flinched as he looked up into the mirror, seeing Rinne standing behind him, silently, a look of utter despondency. Unfortunately for him, it seems as though Rinne did end up chasing him.
“Niki, please tell me you had some kind of dish that used honeysuckle as one of the ingredients. Please-” Rinne hoarsely mumbled, a desperation in his voice that Niki was unfamiliar with. He walked forward next to Niki to look into the sink.
Ah. So it’s honeysuckle? Ha, that’s kind of funny. Perfect for me, a member of the bee-themed unit, Crazy:B.
Niki didn’t respond, silently wiping his mouth.
“Hanahaki, Niki? You’ve had hanahaki, and you weren’t planning on ever letting any of us know? Even me?” his voice was strange, quavering.
Niki looked away, shrugging. “It’s not that big of a deal, Rinne-kun. Even if I did tell you, there’s nothing much that you can do.”
“You are literally dying and you weren’t planning on telling anyone at all?” Rinne mumbled slowly, looking down at the mess of blood and flora.
Niki felt a pang of guilt. Maybe he didn’t really think this through.
“What would you have done if I told you, Rinne-kun? There’s only so many ways to get cured of hanahaki.” Niki leaned forward and turned the faucet on, letting the mess go down the drain.
“What were you planning on doing? Was Niki planning on just silently disappearing, thinking that everything would be alright, that no one would notice, that we’d all go on with our lives as normal?” Rinne growled out, his sharp gaze making Niki flinch.
Niki looked down at the floor, silent.
“You know, you’re being cruel, Niki.”
Niki knew that. But what was he supposed to do? He really didn’t want to be a bother, didn’t want to make others waste their energy in worrying for him when he didn’t really have any other options besides silently letting himself wither away.
“What am I supposed to do, Rinne-kun? It definitely seems like you think you have the answer,” Niki huffed, turning the faucet off.
Rinne muttered something quietly, too low for Niki to hear.
“What was that?”
“Who is it, Niki? Who is it that your honeysuckle grows for? Who is it that I have to knock some sense into so that you are your dumb happy self again, who?” Rinne gripped his shoulders firmly, holding him in place.
Niki’s lungs burned from the total irony of the situation he had found himself in. He forced a laugh, looking anywhere but at Rinne. “I’m not telling you, Rinne-kun. Like I said, there’s nothing much that you can do-”
“Yes I can! You only need your feelings reciprocated, right?! Who is it? I’ll drag them over and make them return your feelings myself if I have to!”
“But Rinne-kun-”
Rinne grabbed Niki’s face, turning it towards him roughly. “No buts. You seem so certain that this person doesn’t share the same feelings, but how are you so sure? Did you confess? What makes you a hundred percent certain that there’s no way your feelings are returned?”
Because it’s you. And I know for a fact your love isn’t the same as mine.
“No, but I know that there’s no way they reciprocate. It’s not as simple as forcing someone to think they love me when they really don’t, you do know that Rinne-kun?” Niki squirmed, trying to escape his grasp.
“But we’ve got to try, Niki! I’m not going to let you waste away quietly if there’s still something we can do!” Rinne cried out, desperate.
“There isn’t anything we can do! Can we please drop this? I’m getting hungry, and I don’t want to think about this anymore!” Niki yelled back, slipping out of Rinne’s hold.
He ran out the door, leaving Rinne standing there in the restroom, motionless.
Niki hoped that Rinne would leave it at that, and would understand to just let him do what he planned to do.
However, Amagi Rinne was a stubborn man. Niki knew it wouldn’t be as simple as that.
❀❀❀❀
From that day on, Niki understood that his time was running out faster and faster. He was growing more sluggish, everything hurt, and he couldn’t go for more than an hour without having to double over, coughing his lungs out and expelling blood and honeysuckle buds all over the place.
Rinne started going back to the apartment with him every night, helping him get around.
They had an entire song and dance, Rinne still begging, trying to get Niki to tell him who, all while Niki either ignored him, tried to railroad the conversation in a different direction, or ended up coughing so much he physically couldn’t respond.
Niki stopped showing up to practice and his job, calling off sick as he realized that he no longer had the capability to attend either, flowers in his lungs constantly choking him. That, and well, Rinne basically forced him to and after agreeing that, yes, Rinne was right and he really shouldn’t be going out in his current state.
He didn’t know if Rinne told Himeru and Kohaku, the only indication he had of them at least knowing something was given from the looks of pity that they shot him, the last time he appeared at ES. Niki silently berated himself for underestimating the perceptiveness of his fellow unit members.
Despite how much he wished, Niki knew that he wouldn’t be able to convince Rinne to stop worrying about him. That obligation to always take care of Niki was forever rooted in, even if all Niki wanted was for Rinne to smile and live freely.
Everytime Niki sat on his couch, arms wrapped around his legs while he watched Rinne move around in the kitchen to make something for him to eat (because as much as Niki wanted to, even just standing by the stove to try to prepare himself a meal was extenuating, his legs barely able to hold himself up), he could feel the roots pricking into his lungs, squeezing tightly.
Niki knew that by Rinne being there, by being there and worrying about him, several solo opportunities and other more important events were left abandoned, only for Rinne to be there taking care of Niki’s rapidly deteriorating self.
Niki hated it, hated seeing Rinne’s look of pure worry, hated knowing that Rinne was prioritizing him over everything else.
When Niki brought it up with Rinne, nudging at a bowl of rice that just didn’t taste right, all Rinne did was stare back at him, a resolute expression on his face.
“Will Niki tell me who it is?”
Niki shook his head, silently nibbling on a spoonful of the rice.
“Then I’m not leaving you alone until you do. Do you know how stupid that is? You’re literally in pain, barely able to move, and you want me to prioritize my idol career?” Rinne squinted at him, bright blue eyes piercing through Niki.
Niki set his spoon down. “But it’s Rinne-kun’s dream to be an idol, right? You’ve finally achieved it, and even have been getting recognized lately. Isn’t it a waste?”
Rinne scowled. “To hell with my idol career! You really think I’d be fine just advancing all willy-nilly while you, the one person that has been there with me from the start of it, for basically all of it, is literally dying?”
Niki avoided his gaze, pushing the barely-touched bowl of rice away, his appetite lost and the feeling of petals creeping up his throat once more.
“Does it really matter how I’m doing if I’m just going to die anyway? At least you’ll still be alive and have your dream still at your hands, Rinne-kun. I won’t be there, but you’ll still be able to live freely.” He bent over, coughing out petals into his hands. “I’m just being realistic, Rinne-kun. No point in worrying about me when there’s nothing that can be done. At least you can continue doing your best.”
“You really think I’ll be able to focus on a stupid idol career while knowing that you’re here alone, feeble and barely able to function, coughing and vomiting up all your insides every hour or so? I think out of the both of us, right now I’m the only one with any goddamn sense here.”
Niki couldn’t respond, choking and gagging and retching and coughing up more and more petals, buds, and blood into his hands. Rinne moved to sit next to him, rubbing his back with a gentleness that made Niki want to melt.
Niki never associated Rinne with the word gentle. Amagi Rinne was a rough man that was always loud and never afraid to speak his mind, never afraid to fight for what he believed was right.
Rinne took a napkin, taking the bloody mess from Niki’s hands and wiping it off his mouth, helping him sit back up.
When Niki was able to breathe normally again, entire body aching, Rinne brought him into a tight hug. Warm, and gentle.
“I’m not leaving you alone, Niki. I’m not letting you die alone when there’s still something I can do. You can’t change my mind. I will find out who it is, and we will get you back to yourself again.” Rinne mumbled softly, muffled by Niki’s hair.
Niki stayed silent, opting to close his eyes and let himself fall into that warmth, all of his tired body relaxing.
❀❀❀❀
Niki doesn’t end up telling Rinne.
He knows that if he does tell Rinne, Rinne would force himself to reciprocate, once again out of complete obligation. A forced reciprocation does not cure hanahaki at all, and Niki wanted anything but that.
All he could do was just stay in the apartment, the floor crusted in his blood and dried petals. With what little strength he did have left, he’d use it to sit up and write out recipes he had never written down, instructions for his manager on how to handle some of their more complicated dishes, some letters to various people he wanted to leave a message with before he faded away from their lives.
Rinne left the apartment at times, but never longer than three hours. He’d return with groceries and other necessities, filling the fridge despite Niki’s obvious distaste for any kind of food.
Niki had a feeling that during those hours, Rinne was doing more than just doing chores. He had caught Rinne looking over a list of names, several crossed out, some circled with question marks. Various people Niki has interacted with, fellow friends, people he has collaborated with.
Yet despite how complete the list looked, none of them were the correct answer.
Rinne never put his own name down.
The days went by, until Niki could barely move without everything aching, searing, burning. He could barely make his way to the restroom without Rinne’s help, mostly retching up the honeysuckle either onto the floor beside the couch or a trashcan Rinne had set up next to it.
He wanted nothing more but to let himself crumble away into a burst of petals, to slip away and let Rinne be free rather than chained to his pathetic self.
Niki glanced up at the sound of the door closing, seeing Rinne walk into the apartment, returning from some meeting he was called to. Rinne walked over, slowly.
Niki curled up against the couch, trying to hide. Trying to make himself disappear from the eyes of the man that burned with a fire unlike any other, the man that branded his heart with a mark he would never be able to remove.
“Go away Rinne-kun, I don’t want to deal with you today,” he rasped out, exhaustion flooding his body. “I’m not telling you who it is. And that’s final. Even if I did, there’s probably no chance of success and well-” He coughed, hacking up blood and honeysuckle onto the couch.
Fully bloomed honeysuckle. A tell-tale sign that he didn’t have much time left.
“I kinda can’t move.”
Rinne stared down at him, a dejected expression on his face.
“Niki…Please. Please. I don’t care anymore about who it is. I don’t care anymore about trying to find this mysterious person that you have in your heart, trying to grasp at a feeble attempt of success. I don’t care.”
He gently sat down next to Niki, shifting him slightly.
Rinne grabbed Niki’s hand, holding it. He was so warm. Was Rinne always this warm? Niki wanted to chase that warmth.
Rinne squeezed his hand gently, tenderly. “I want you to live, Niki. I want you to live, live like your dumb little happy Niki-self again that loves food more than anything in the world. I want you to live, to dance and sing up on stage with a dumb smile, a smile so intoxicating like the alcohol I love so much.”
Rinne took his other hand gently, reassuringly.
“Niki. I know I’m a selfish, no-good bastard that does nothing but bring trouble to you-”
No you’re not, Rinne-kun. You really aren’t.
I’m the selfish one, for wanting you…wanting you to think of me as more than an obligation. More than just taking care of me in return for “saving your life”.
Wanting you to love me.
Niki stayed silent, even if his thoughts screamed inside his head.
“But I’m going to be selfish one last time. I beg of you. This will be the only thing I’ll ever ask of you.”
Niki looked away to the side.
“Niki. Please. It’s the only way. Get the removal surgery. I’ll pay for it and everything. It’ll all be out of my pocket, not your money at all,” Rinne mumbled, his voice cracking, his expression so, so broken. “Please.” he pleaded, so, so earnestly.
Niki felt his heart slowly start to crack, coming apart at the seams.
He shook his head. “I’m sorry Rinne-kun, anything but that.”
Rinne’s grip on his hands tightened. “What?” He frowned, his voice raising a little.
“Niki, why won’t you get the surgery? You won’t tell me who it is, so this is our literal last option!”
“Don’t wanna.” Niki closed his eyes, hoping Rinne would get the message.
Just let me live what little time I have left in peace…I don’t want to fight anymore, Rinne-kun.
Rinne glared at him, tears streaking down his face. Niki flinched. In all his life, he rarely ever saw Rinne truly cry.
“Niki, this is not the time to be stubborn! Don’t joke about this! You are literally dying!” Rinne growled out, voice rough but touch still gentle.
“It’s not a joke. I don’t want the surgery. Now can we stop talking about this? I’d rather spend my last few days with good memories and not us arguing again.”
“No. We are not going to stop talking about this. You keep talking like you’ve accepted that you’re going to die. Is the memories and love for this person that refuses your love so important, so important that you’ll die for them?”
Niki could only laugh in his head at how ironic this whole situation was. Like a tragic comedy performed by the Dramatica Circle.
“Yes.”
He opened his eyes to find Rinne staring at him, helpless. Pleading.
“Niki. Even so, have you ever thought about what others are thinking? Have you thought about how your decision will affect other people than yourself?” Rinne was trembling.
“Nahaha, Cinnamon will have to hire someone new. Hinata-kun and Ototo-kun will have one less roommate to take up space. The dorm's kitchen won’t be used as often, and Nagumo-kun will have to find someone else to teach him. Oh, and I guess I’ll have to sell this place before then, huh. Unless Rinne-kun wants it, nahaha. If you want it, let me know. I’ll tell my parents.”
I won’t bother anyone anymore, especially with my inability to remain full. So please, smile Rinne-kun. It hurts to see you broken like this. It hurts so much, like the roots that are choking me, squeezing my lungs.
“What about us, what about Crazy:B?”
“You’ll figure something out, won’t you, Rinne-kun? You’re our beloved leader, who always has a plan, after all~”
“What about me?” Rinne whispered, eyes searching Niki for something, some sort of answer.
Niki smiled, squeezing Rinne’s hands back. “It’ll pass, won’t it? Like a childhood meal, you’ll forget the taste but live on with that feeling in your memory. You won’t need to worry about me anymore-”
“Is that really what Niki thinks I feel?” Rinne stared straight into him, an unreadable expression on his face. “That you’re just an obligation to me? That I take care of you because I have to? That it’s not killing me, seeing you like this?”
“Rinne-ku-” Niki attempted to pull back.
Rinne tightened his hold on Niki’s hands as he tried to escape.
“No, you shut up. You’re dumb, with only food on the mind all the time, but not this dumb. This is no longer a request. You are going to get the surgery, whether you want it or not!”
“That’s not up to Rinne-kun to decide! It’s my life! I get to choose what I want to do, you can’t force me to get the surgery!” Niki yelled back, feeling the tickling sensation of petals up against his throat.
“And if it’s your life you need to live it smarter! So listen to me for once you bastard! Live! Even if you’ll no longer have memories of the one that holds your heart, even though you’ll no longer feel any kind of emotion towards that person, at least you’ll be alive! At least you’ll be alive, living life like how you usually do!” Rinne yelled. “All I can tell is that Niki has given up on living. And I know as a fact, that is an incredibly stupid thing. Do you want to die that badly? Do you hate your life so much that you’d die for the unreturned love of this mysterious person?”
Niki felt himself shattering, like the plate he dropped back when he first hacked up the blood-speckled petals.
“No, Rinne-kun! I don’t want to die! I want to live!” Niki cried out, the dam breaking. He pushed himself up with all the strength he could muster, bending over and coughing, more honeysuckle and blood splattering onto the couch.
He wiped his mouth, shaking uncontrollably. “I want to be able to enjoy eating again! I want to sing, to dance up on stage with you, Kohaku-chan, and Himeru-kun. I want to laugh, to cry, to just do about anything. All while being alive!!”
Niki took a shuddered gasp, glancing away from Rinne’s silent expression, looking down at the honeysuckle scattered across his couch.
“But I’d rather die than have to live without any love or memory for Rinne-kun.” Niki choked out, a final confession. He might as well, maybe Rinne would finally see why he absolutely could not get the surgery.
He quickly glanced back at Rinne, expecting some sort of rejection, some sort of sorry expression that would set his original plan in stone, to live out the rest of the days he had still with love for the man, even if not returned.
What he saw, though, was not what he expected.
Rinne stared at him, frozen, his eyes widened. He slowly let go of Niki’s hands, and covered his face. He started to laugh, much to the shock of Niki.
Niki glared at him, his face wet with tears. “What are you laughing for? I’m literally dying for you and you’re laughing.”
Rinne wheezed, shaking his head. “Niki doesn’t get it.”
“Get what? Rinne-kun? Do you know something that I don’t?” Niki’s mind was spinning, the tickling sensation in the back of his throat returning.
“Oh, my dear Niki~kyun. We are. So. So. Stupid.” Rinne smiled at him, a pained expression across his face.
“Rinne-kun explain it to me right now or I’m going to get mad AND lock you out of this apartment.”
“Okay geez, Niki~kyun is getting impatient.” Rinne cupped his hands together, lightly coughing into them.
“And stop it with the Niki~kyun! We’re having a serious discuss-” Niki froze mid-sentence when Rinne opened his hands up.
In his hands were small yellow flower buds, speckled in blood.
“They’re primroses, if you were wondering.” Rinne laughed slowly.
Niki gaped. “Rinne-kun, what does this mean for-”
“Shut up, Niki~kyun.” Rinne dropped the flower buds onto the couch, letting them join the honeysuckle.
Rinne took a deep breath. “I’d rather we wait until marriage, but it really can’t wait any longer, huh.”
“Marriage?! Rinne-kun wha-”
Niki froze as he felt warm lips meet his, soft, sweet. A faint floral taste ghosting his tongue.
He closed his eyes, letting Rinne pull him in, drowning him in an intoxicating warmth.
As they sat there on the old worn-down couch, blood and flowers scattered all around them, all was right in the world.
The flowers on both of their lungs slowly crumbled away to ash, gone for good.
✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀
In its plainest form, the honeysuckle is a symbol of pure happiness. ❀
In the language of flowers, a gift of a primrose says “I can’t live without you.” ✿