Chapter Text
Sakura viewed the man from the corner of her peripheral, standing tall in front of the mirror who kept frustratedly untying and retying his bow tie, the same man who would soon be married. The man who was so close and far away, the one she wished to hold onto selfishly. He was off limits. That man was her sensei.
Sakura's stare lingered too long as she caught Kakashi's dark grey eyes staring at her through the mirror. Their gaze locked onto each other, and neither looked away; she felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment, yet she couldn't turn away. Instantly she was ripped from her intense stare-off with Kakashi-sensei when laughter filled the small white suite.
"Kakashi-sensei, congrats! You’re lucky your wife is a bombshell!" Naruto laughed genuinely.
"Naruto, hold still," Sakura upsettingly asked. Sakura was too distracted earlier and forgot why she was in the room in the first place because this happy idiot in front of her needed help with dressing. She refocused, trying to get the rose-pink Boutonniere in its rightful place.
Kakashi still focused in the mirror and answered, "I hardly know her. The last thing on my mind is her looks."
"What? Are you feeling nervous, Kakashi-sensei" Naruto laughed heartily.
Sakura gave Naruto a 'quit it!' look. Naruto chuckled. "Sorry, sorry, Sakura. I’m just excited to see this old man finally find someone to be happy with."
At the same time, Naruto reached out to smack Kakashi's back happily. This time Sakura couldn't hide the slight pout she gave as she thought of those words, ‘happy with.' Not paying attention to her grip on the lapel, Sakura yelped as the needle pricked the tip of her pointer finger.
"Ow!" Sakura brought her finger to her lip.
"Shit, Sakura, I’m sorry," said Naruto, reaching out to her hand, worried. Kakashi was already closing the gap between the two, grabbing Sakura's hand and pulling it away from her face to inspect her finger like it was so natural for him.
"I’m fine," she quickly removed her hand as if the contact burnt her skin from Kakashi-sensei's grasp. A flash of surprise or hurt flashed across Kakashi's face and was gone just as fast, too quickly for her to read what she had seen.
"Naruto..." Kakashi began.
Sakura interrupted Kakashi, trying to scold Naruto, "It's fine, really, I’m at fault. I wasn't paying attention."
"But still-"
Once again, Kakashi was cut off by a new figure walking in. The three in the room all turned to face Sasuke. He silently stared at them before asking if everything was alright.
"Yeah, everything is good," Kakashi-sensei spoke up with his signature smile wrapping his arms around the two students next to him, squeezing them in for a side hug.
"Um, is something wrong?" asked Sakura, hoping Sasuke was looking for her to relieve her from this room.
"No, I just need Naruto," Sasuke replied
"Me? Why?" Naruto asked, "Can it wait? I need to cheer up the groom; he has pre-wedding nerves," he said energetically.
At that, Kakashi just groaned, "Please just take him."
"H-hey!" Naruto almost sounded offended, but Sasuke was already pushing him out of the room before he could whine.
A laugh bubbled out of Sakura, and she lightly threw her head back, missing the way Kakashi's eyes softened at her smile. Making the awkwardness in the room disperse even for a moment.
With Naruto gone, the room was silent, leaving Kakashi and Sakura alone.
Breaking the silence, Sakura asked, "So, uh, do you need help with that bow tie?".
"Kami, yes," he mewled out.
Sakura approached Kakashi, grabbing onto both ends of the tie, and she proceeded to overlap them. While she skillfully put this bow together, Kakashi noticed how slim and small her fingers were, and he remembered how soft they were when he held them, even if it was momentarily. He thinks how perfectly her hand would fit in his and how they would feel grasping– shit, he stops his notion. What the hell am I thinking? How fucked up can he be right before his dreadful wedding ceremony and his former student, no less.
If anyone had ever told him years ago that today he would be married off as some symbolic gesture of peace, he would have laughed at the insanity, the mere thought of it being him didn't seem real, but yet here he was, wearing the most uncomfortable suit and infuriating bow tie.
Sakura is my student, who I have grown close to. She has always been such an endearing girl, and I didn't always feel like this toward her. Until she matured enough but not just physically but mentally too, she persevered through her pain and losses. She maintained her brightness and temperament; he chuckled in his thoughts, knowing she could go wild and rain hell on her unsuspected enemies any moment. And bittersweet of it all, she gave this older man her time and undivided attention. I am just a fool, he thinks. He would not be allowed to be with his student. He had accepted that idea long ago. Even though he entertained the idea of not becoming something more with her, it didn't stop much from the light touches and very subtle flirting.
I have always done my best to support her and will continue to do so in her shadow, the one I should never want. But I do want Sakura, and I love her. I always will.
"Kakashi- Sensei," Sakura brought him out of his contemplation.
"Ah, done? I was about ready to throw out the bow. Thanks for your help, Sakura." He gave her a slight smirk.
"Um.. sensei, I don't want to sound rude, but why marry if you hardly know Lady Mizukage?"
"Well, it is pretty common for an arranged mar-"
"No, I know that,” Sakura rephrased her question. “Why did you agree?"
Kakashi turned to her. "This is what Konoha wants- no needs."
"What is it that you want?" she asked cautiously. Sakura did not know what she was trying to gain from asking this, but a part of her knew she was looking for some crack in the wall. Did she know what she would do when she found this said crack? Not a chance. Was Sakura still trying to figure it out?
Kakashi’s brow drew closer, visibly upset that the question prodded at his weakest point.
"Are you provoking me?" he questioned
"No, I only-" Sakura tried to apologize, not entirely understanding why he was bothered.
"Look, there isn't any good excuse not to take this opportunity. Kakashi exhales before speaking again, "As the 6th Hokage and the son of Hatake Sakumo, the White Fang of the Leaf, and one of the main symbols of this village, I have to marry the Mizukage of Kirigakure to clear us of all suspicions. And create the Union for our root allied shinobi." He said sternly.
"Sensei, I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry." Sakura felt her heartache at the tone Kakashi-sensei took with her.
Kakashi could see her lips turn into a slight frown. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel down.
"No, I'm sorry, Sakura. I did not mean to take it out on you, honest. My nerves are just getting the better of me. I'm uncomfortable with all this, but it's not the first time I've felt like this. I've been through worse. Everything will be fine if I remind myself why I'm doing this."
"Kakashi-sensei, that's what I admire about you."
"You always seem lazy even though you are the one who works the hardest, and you carry the weight of this village more than anyone could know. You will always put others first, even if it is not what you want." Sakura continued to say, "I wish you'd rely on us more."
Kakashi's mouth opened. “Sakura, thank you,” he genuinely smiled at her warmly.
And just like that, Sakura felt like she could melt away. No, she couldn’t see his face, but just knowing he could smile at her this way gets to her. No doubt Sakura was battling herself in her mind trying to control her damn self.
There was a slight pause before she spilled those words, the ones she desperately had tried to hold back; the words she knew didn't matter anymore as he was going to be a taken man.
"Sensei, I Love You"
No words came out; he was surprised. Kakashi's reactions did not go unnoticed. His shoulders flinched, and his lips pursed. He turned his head away as the room grew awkwardly quiet again. It's not like Kakashi had never envisioned this scenario before and countless times daydreamed, 'What if he were just to pull her into his arms to confess? Of all times, Fuck, why now?’
At that moment, she feels sorrowful all over again. Pathetic and weak in her heart, she feels like she's betrayed herself and Kakashi all at once. A rush of embarrassment filled her.
The sting of hurt and regret pricked her eyes.
"Ah, what am I saying before your wedding ceremony? I've must of gone crazy," she whispered. Sakura wanted nothing more than to flee.
"Sakura wait," Kakashi beseeched. His thoughts were jumbled. He didn't know what to do. "Sakura... uhm- I am flattered..."
"Flattered?" Sakura breaks in. "Sensei, how do you feel about me?" she pushed.
Oh god, Sakura, please stop talking. Kakashi thought carefully before saying his following words. "Sakura, you are someone... that I dearly care for. And some things should stay unheard, especially if there is no gracious outcome to these things."
Please, Sakura, let's not delve deeper we will only hurt.
"That's it, and what of all those times we had built together, the personal talks, the more than occasional touches, toeing around each other, the flirting. You can't tell me it wasn't there.” She says, looking in disbelief.
"Sakura, you are imagining things," he replied.
"Bullshit!" she whispered a little too harshly.
"Seriously, Sakura, what do you want? What can we possibly gain from this." Kakashi's fist tightened until he could feel his nails dig into his palms. He was distressed, not because he didn't return the pink-haired girl's feelings, but because he desperately wanted to hold onto the relationship they had now.
"Sakura don’t," Kakashi spoke sternly.
"Don't what?" Sakura almost shouted but forced herself not to; she didn't need people bursting in to see what was wrong.
"Don't look at me that way," he said, with a face of hurt.
Yet Sakura felt frantic. This hurt so much more than expected.
Sakura moved forward, and the space between them was closed; she pushed on her toes to reach him. He was too tall for her. She wrapped her hands behind his head, pulled him down, and kissed him fervently.
It's like he froze. He didn't kiss me back or push me away. Sakura pulled away from the kiss; I'm horrible; what am I trying to do? Force my feelings onto my sensei, and even if he loved me back, then what? She pulled away. Her arms dropped to her sides lifelessly. She started to shed tears now; Sakura knew her feelings for Kakashi were overwhelming, and they shouldn't be there. They've always been a tangled mess inside her, and now she's not quite sure what she can do to rectify this sinful mistake she's made. Will he feel disgusted that she loved him despite being half her age? Will he hate her? She was too scared even to fathom.
Kakashi was indeed shaken, no jarred? Everything he wanted was before him, but he needed to be quicker to react. Before he knew it, the contact was lost. She pulled away, leaving him full of regret. She was now crying; he had hurt her from his hesitation.
Sakura's knees started to buckle; she was slowly putting herself into a squat as if trying to hide from shame. Before she could, Kakashi caught her around her waist and held her upright. They were so close now, bodies touching.
"Pretty girl, don't cry," he says so naturally. "Sakura, do you know what you are doing to me?"
He really shouldn't, there was so much at stake, and he couldn't bear to hurt his friends and abandon his people, could he? He thought. If Sakura puts everything on the line for me, can I do the same for her? It scared him; if Sakura told me she needed me, he would let everything go to be with her. And his conscience tells him you don't have a choice. There are sacrifices to be made.
Kakashi's hands shifted until they rested on the sides of Sakura's hips. Kakashi's mind was whirling, and he was afraid to announce his feelings to give in, though like a broken dam, the words "I do love you" rang out loud and clear.
Just like that, Sakura had her fingers at his mask, pushing it further down to access his lips. Seeing his face, she couldn’t contain the gasp that had left her. He was a gorgeous face made from the heavens, and she didn't want to think how this would be her first and last time to see his entire face, and the woman he would marry will have this, him, for the rest of her life.
Their lips crashed, and Kakashi kissed her, fingers digging into her hip for dear life. Their kiss is desperate and frantic, like they know this will be the last. And Sakura doesn't pull away from him. I've always wanted to make Kakashi mine. I've known it and am utterly exhausted in fighting it, denying it, and now she was sure he was too. But ultimately, She knew that the consequences of their feelings were going nowhere, but she didn't care. She needed – no wanted to be touched by him.