Prologue (Gregor's Wedding version)

by curious_cat

Summary:

There's an Imperial wedding about to be held, and Etienne is dead.

Notes:

this is a Vorkosigan-themed parody of the song "Prologue" from the musical Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812, itself based on the plot of War and Peace. The tune can be heard here.

all credit for the original idea goes to lifeisbeautifulandlifeisstupid on tumblr, who wrote the first version of this parody here. Major kudos to them, and if you're on tumblr go send them some love! I was inspired (well, more like consumed by a feverish passion) and wrote my own version, including a lot of completely unnecessary research on how to count in various languages (long story).

Hope you enjoy my take on it! The Vorkosigan saga and Great Comet really are a match made in heaven.

[accordion intro]

ETIENNE: There's an Emperor's wedding about to be held, and Etienne is dead.
There's an Emperor's wedding about to be held, and Etienne is dead.

CHORUS: There's an Emperor's wedding about to be held, and Etienne is dead.
There's an Emperor's wedding about to be held, and Etienne is dead.

[musical buildup]

[three voices in unison]

IVAN, in Russian: Raz, va, tri!

DONO in French: Un, deux, trois!

and GREGOR in Greek: Éna, dýo, tría!

CHORUS: And this is all in your program; you are at the opera
Gonna have to study up a little bit if you wanna keep with the plot
Cuz it’s a complicated space opera; everyone’s got cousins galore!
So look it up in your program
We’d appreciate it thanks a lot.
Da da da, da da da da da daaaaaaa

Miles!

MILES: Miles is smart. Did he really kill Tien? Precious few know.

CHORUS: Did he really kill Tien? Precious few know!
Miles is smart and Etienne is dead.

IVAN: Ivan is feckless. Miles's cousin and closest friend.

CHORUS: Miles's cousin and closest friend.
Ivan is feckless, Miles is smart, and Etienne is dead.

DONO: Dono is a radical, revolutionizing inheritance law. An old flame of Ivan's, now out of reach.

CHORUS: An old flame of Ivan's, now out of reach.
Dono is a radical, Ivan is feckless, Miles is smart, and Etienne is dead.

And this is all in your program; you are at the opera
Gonna have to study up a little bit if you wanna keep with the plot
Cuz it’s a complicated space opera; everyone’s got cousins galore!
So look it up in your program
We’d appreciate it thanks a lot.
Da da da, da da da da da daaaaaaa

Kareen!

KAREEN: Kareen is young, she longs to see the galaxy.

CHORUS: She longs to see the galaxy!
Kareen is young, Dono is a radical, Ivan is feckless, Miles is smart, and Etienne is dead.

MARK: Mark is depressed; Miles's cloned brother, traumatized yet soft

CHORUS: Miles's cloned brother, traumatized yet soft.
Mark is depressed, Kareen is young, Dono is a radical, Ivan is feckless, Miles is smart, and Etienne is dead.

GREGOR: Gregor is good, and he's getting married! Politics consume him, finally he's in love.

CHORUS: Politics consume him, finally he's in love.
Gregor is good, Mark is depressed, Kareen is young, Dono is a radical, Ivan is feckless, Miles is smart, and Etienne is dead.

Colored groats and narrow votes, the wedding is at hand!

Minor characters!

CORDELIA: Countess Cordelia gives wisdom.

ARAL: And Aral lends strength.

CHORUS: Miles's parents; they taught him honor.

ENRIQUE: And Enrique's got some bugs!

CHORUS: Enrique's got some bugs!
Enrique keeps bugs, Aral has strength, Cordelia gives wisdom, Gregor is good, Mark is depressed, Kareen is young, Dono is a radical, Ivan is feckless, Miles is smart, and Etienne is dead.

And what about Ekaterin?

Dear, beleaguered and burdened Ekaterin. What about Ekaterin? Widowed, freed, and now courted, Ekaterin? What about Ekaterin? What about Ekaterin? What will she do now...