A Useless Death

by Stories_Plus

Summary:

After a fight goes wrong, Donatello finds himself trapped in a time loop ending in his demise.

Notes:

• Inspired by It's Too Late to Start Caring About Me by Donut-ello

I found this YouTube short one day and an entire story popped into my head. I am not writing out the AU depicted here, but merely taking inspiration from someone else's AU. Check out their work!

Chapter 1: I May have Misfired

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello opened his eyes as his alarm went off; rubbing the crust out of them, he tied his bandana around his head and threw on his gloves before dragging himself to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, Donnie!” Michelangelo beamed as he stirred his breakfast mixture.

Don only gave him a grunt of acknowledgment as he added coffee grounds to his lifeline. With a push of a button, the simple machine whirred to life, humming gently before letting out a soft hiss of steam and dispensing a dark liquid into the glass pot below. Donnie watched the brew collect tuning out Mikey’s cheerful humming as he danced around the kitchen. How anyone could have so much energy or cheer at such an ungodly hour perplexed him. No amount of charts or algorithms could explain morning people. At least, none Don could get his hands on.

The stove clicked on as Mikey slowly poured some batter from a ladle into a pan. As the pot began dripping the last few remnants of its cycle, Donnie collected his favorite purple mug and poured himself a cup. Wrapping his hands around the warm mug, he brought the liquid to his lips, allowing it to slide down his throat and fuel him. A gentle warmth settled in his body as the savory bitterness filled him.

“Did you want pancakes, Dee?” Mikey asked as he flipped one of his delicate cakes onto a small stack.

“Not now, Angelo,” Donnie croaked with a wave and another sip of his coffee. “It’s too early for that much sugar.”

“Toast?”

Donnie nodded before draining his mug and returning to the pot.

“How do you not burn your tongue? That coffee is scalding hot!”

“Only the weak burn their tongues! I am a trained connoisseur!” Donnie paused as he took another sip of the warm caffeine. “I also haven’t felt my tongue in months… maybe years.”

“Please, tell me that was a joke,” Mikey leaned in with a strange look on his face which Donnie could only assume was concern.

“Yes! Angelo! It was a joke. Obviously, I can feel my tongue,” Don rolled his eyes and took another sip of his coffee.

“Oh, good,” Mikey breathed. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell when you’re joking.”

Michel waited for a moment before humming softly and returning to his pancakes. Don leaned against the counter as he savored his drink. Soon, his toast popped up out of the toaster and Donnie, grabbed a plate and buttered his breakfast before topping off his coffee with what was left in the pot (Had he really drank all that so quickly? He could have sworn he only refilled it once!) and leaving to go to his lab. Taking a bite of his toast and setting down his coffee, Donnie equipped his battle shell. The weight on his shoulders provided a small comfort he couldn’t explain. While he wasn’t big on contact with others, his battle shell was almost like a hug for him. It was a part of him.

Don started up the coffee pot in his lab before sitting down at his computer and glancing over the coding he left off on last night. The lair’s security system was overdue for an update but all this business with Draxum’s oozquitoes took over his attention these past few weeks. All the quiet these past two days left him a little skeptical, but it was best to use this time wisely. Absorbing himself in his work, he reached for his mug only to find it empty. When did he finish his coffee? Shaking his head, he refilled his mug at his personal coffee pot and went back to his coding. This particular piece perplexed him quite a bit. He stretched his back as he puzzled out the code.

He snacked on granola bars as he perused different sites looking for a possible fix to his issue. Rubbing his face, he stood up for another refill, emptying the pot. He started another round of coffee before returning to his work. Finally, Don groaned and stood up before glancing over some of his other projects. He just needed a break from coding; something hands-on. Settling on some circuit boards, Donatello returned to his seat. There were a few additions he’d like to add to the turtle tank later. He’d already drawn up the blueprints but still needed a few materials before he could really get started.

Knock. Knock.

Donatello sighed as the metallic banging echoed through his lair. He pushed back his chair and walked to open the door. Raphael stood with his fist in the air as if to knock again. He let out a strained laugh before putting down his hand.

“Hey, Donnie!” he chirped. “We were thinking about ordering pizza for dinner tonight, do you want your usual?”

Don glanced back at his clock. Had he really worked the whole day? What did he even have to show for it?

“Um… sure,” he muttered. “Could you bring it to my lab when it gets here?”

“You don’t want to eat with us?”

Don glanced at his desk. “I have a lot of work to do.”

“You’ve been in your lab all day! A few minutes can’t hurt!”

“Raph, please,” Donnie grumbled. How was he supposed to make his brothers understand the importance of his work? “I need to finish these upgrades.”

“Yeah, alright,” Raph sighed. “Do you want me to bring you anything else? Maybe some water? You can’t live off of caffeine alone.”

“Sure,” Don muttered as he turned back to his lab. There was a brief silence before the door closed.

Sitting back at his desk, he started working on his circuit boards. A few minutes later, a soft knock came from the door before it opened. Raph smiled gently as he placed an unopened water bottle on his desk.

“What number is this?” Raph asked as he pointed to the half-finished pot of coffee on the other side of the lab.

“My third or fourth?” Don shrugged. “It isn’t that much.”

“When did you go to bed?”

Don let out a huff as he set down his tools and turned to look at Raph.

“I don’t know, I didn’t check. I’m busy right now, can’t you go bother Mikey or Leo?”

“I’m not trying to bother you,” Raph held his hands up in surrender, “I’m just… concerned.”

“Don’t be, I’m happy doing my work.”

Raph opened his mouth before pausing and closing it again. He took a deep breath before turning to leave.

“Just don’t overwork yourself, Bro,” Raph murmured. “I’ll bring you your pizza when it gets here.”

“Thanks.”

The door closed behind him as he turned back to his work. Just then, an alarm blared, knocking Don out of his seat. Turning to his computer, he heard the others running toward his lab. The door burst open as they all piled into the room just as Donatello pulled up the police scanner.

“What’s going on?” Leonardo asked.

“It looks like there’s a disturbance in Central Park. I’m not getting much on the police scanner.”

“Well, let’s go check it out!” Raph shouted.

Donnie glanced back at his computers as his brothers ran out of his lab.

“Coming, Dee?” Mikey asked.

“Of course!” Don answered as he switched to his jet-pack shell and grabbed his tech bo.

Running to catch up to the others, he piled into the tank and closed the doors. Raph took control and drove out of the lair.

“Are you able to get eyes on the park, Donnie?”

“I can try, but they only really cover the perimeter,” Donnie mumbled as he tapped away on his gauntlet.

“Do you think you can also pull up the police scanners? Maybe it’ll provide more information on what we’re dealing with?” Leo suggested smugly.

“I can only do one at a time! Pick one! Scanner or video first?”

“Scanner!” Leo yelled at the same time Raph shouted, “Video!”

The two of them turned to each other.

“The video will show us who the bad guys are! We need to know who we’re up against!”

“Exactly! It’s going to take a while for Donnie to find them on all the cameras! We can listen to the scanners to get a better idea of what’s happening while Donnie finds them on the cameras!” Leo leaned back in his seat, smugly placing his hands behind his head. “Point, Leo!”

“There’s no point system!” Raph barked.

“Then explain to me why I have a point and you don’t? Because I think I do!” Leo laughed.

Raph grumbled under his breath for a minute before huffing and turning to Don.

“Okay! Bring up the scanner and then look over the cameras.”

“Whoo-hoo!” Leo cheered.

Donald rolled his eyes as he brought up the police scanners and played the audio through the tank’s speakers. Full surround sound. It really felt like they were right there! One of his more recent upgrades after going for a joy ride with April and realizing how much they were missing out on.

Don had to readjust the noise-canceling settings on his headset as the beeps and clicks blared overhead. The noise was a little staticy and garbled, but it became easier to understand after a while of listening. Tapping on his gauntlet, Donnie scrolled through the security footage, mostly tuning out his brothers and the radio in the background.

“Aha!” Donnie jumped at Raph’s sudden outburst.

“Draxum!” Mikey said.

Don turned from the cameras. Clearly, they heard something over the radio he missed. He could have run an algorithm to isolate when the villains showed up, but no. They didn’t need him to.

“… back-up should be arriving any minute,” the radio clicked off for a second before another voice shouted, “The vines just picked up one of our vehicles! Get-“ A loud crash blocked out whatever he was going to say.

“Do you think he’s looking for more mystic metal?” Leo asked.

“Then there’s a good chance the Foot is here, too!” Raph growled.

“Oh yeah, Baby!” Mikey cheered. “Another chance to shred some paper ninjas! Whoo!”

“This would be the perfect opportunity to use my newest paper shredder!” Donnie grinned as he whipped out his tech-bo to show them. The blade whirred to life in an instant and Don’s smile grew with pride. He was going to demolish all those paper ninjas in seconds.

“A bit overkill, but who doesn’t love a good shredding?!” Leo chimed in.

“Then let’s get these clowns!” Raph smirked as the car came screeching to a stop.

“Wait, I still don’t-“ Donnie started, but his brothers were already leaving the vehicle. “Sure, why wait for Don to locate the villains when we can just wander around until they find us?” he muttered.

“You coming, Dee?” Mikey called from outside.

“Yeah! I’m coming!”

The group ran deeper into the park. The moonlight gave off a soft glow across the scattered trees with only a gentle breeze rustling leaves to disturb the otherwise quiet night. The soft shell would almost consider it peaceful if he didn’t know there were bad guys out here. A loud crash broke the tranquil night and the turtles quickly ran toward the source. It wasn’t long before they found a few police officers scattered around a mass of thick purple vines.

Don threw his goggles down over his eyes and scanned the area. “I don’t see any mystic metal.”

“Well, maybe we go smash Draxum’s face and make him tell us!” Raph grinned as he punched his palm.

“I don’t see the Foot either!” Don hissed.

“Then it’s probably just Draxum today!” Raph said.

“I don’t know, something isn’t right,” Don mused, mostly to himself.

“Oh, relax!” Leo leaned on Don’s shoulder. “You can still use your little shredder on the vines! Let’s go kick some ass!”

“Leo-“ Donatello started, but it was too late. His brothers ran in shouting their excited battle cries. Don sighed before unhooking his tech-bo and running in after them.

It wasn’t long before his brothers found Draxum coasting on one of his vines around a few of the statues. The purple vines shot out at the boys without the yokai even looking their way. He could hear Mikey shout before chains surrounded some of the purple tendrils. Revving up the rocket on his staff, Don aimed for the Baron. Draxum turned and gave him a sly smile before Donnie was knocked away by a large vine. His rocket didn’t stop, though. Instead, his weapon was launched forward out of his hands.

“Oh no! Oh no!” Don cried as his staff flew toward Draxum.

Slamming into the devious alchemist, Don prematurely celebrated before watching the two go flying toward his brothers. Panicking, Donatello scrambled to his feet, yelling warnings to his fellow turtles. Mikey flew into its path after a spectacular display of his usual razzmatazz. Don flinched at the collision made worse by Mike slamming into Raphael. Quickly tapping on his gantlet, Don managed to turn off the still hurdling bo staff. He activated his jetpack and launched toward his flying weapon. Upon landing, voices distracted him from collecting his staff. Quickly picking up the device, Donatello hid as he neared the voices.

A small group of the Foot ninjas led by the Lutenient were combing the area. So they were here! Draxum was just a distraction! Don pulled out his phone to call his brothers when something dragged him out of the bushes by his ankle. Hanging upside down, he was brought closer to Draxum.

“You really should mind your own business,” he growled before throwing Don back toward his brothers.

“The Foot! They’re-”

“Yeah! We can see them, Donnie!” Leo huffed as he ran forward.

Quickly scrambling back onto his feet, he joined his twin in engaging with the Foot, but they were already leaving. A large purple vine swept them off their feet and back into Raph, who was apparently behind them again. By the time the pile of turtles had untangled themselves, the park was empty.

Leo punched the ground, “What the hell was that?!”

“I think we need a little more training in teamwork,” Raph muttered.

“No! Not us! Donnie! He made us look like total amateurs!”

“Excuse me?” Don gasped. “What did I do?!”

“Oh! Well! If your stupid staff hadn’t gone all crazy we would have gotten to the Foot quicker! Now they have another piece of the armor and it’s all your fault!” Leo huffed, crossing his arms.

“No way is that my fault! My staff flew out of my hands, but I was the one who suggested over and over again that we think things through and make a plan! But no! Let’s just smash the bad guys and go from there! You’re just upset I actually use my brain!”

Leo stammered for a moment before standing up with a growl.

“Well, so far your brain hasn’t won us any battles! As soon as your stupid tech fails, it’s up to us to fix your mess. How many times have we had to clean up after you and your failures? Alberto, S.H.E.L.D.O.N., this?”

“S.H.E.L.D.O.N. worked perfectly fine. You guys were the ones who reprogrammed him.”

“My point still stands!” Leo huffed. “You’re so wrapped up in that head of yours that you can’t even fight without your tech! And you don’t even seem to care you’re just getting in our way!”

“Woah! Okay, Leo!” Raph interjected. “Look, I know it’s been a long day, but we can’t place blame on each other! Let’s just go home and get some rest, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Leo mumbled at the same time Don gave an affirming grunt.

The four brothers walked back to the tank and drove home. Removing his battle shell, Don got himself ready for bed. He knew he should get back to his coding, but his mind kept replaying the argument in his head. All Donnie had was his tech and he couldn’t even get that right. Maybe Leo had a point. Maybe his brothers would be better off without him.

Notes:

I hope you guys enjoyed! I have a few chapters already worked out and hope to post weekly!

Chapter 2: Accidents Happen

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello groaned as he rolled out of bed and turned off his alarm. Staring blankly at the space in front of him, Don contemplated just going back to bed. No. He couldn’t do that. He had to fix his tech. Turning to the coffee machine in his lab with a sigh, Don began to brew himself a pot. How many times have we had to clean up after you and your failures? Don winced as the words from last night’s argument echoed in his head. Rationally, he knew his brother was just angry. He didn’t really mean it. Did he? Leo and Mikey were always poking fun at him. Calling dibs on all his stuff and jesting they’d like to replace him. They almost did when they reprogrammed S.H.E.L.D.O.N. Did they really dislike him that much? Did they hate him? Was he the least favorite?

Violently shaking his head, Don turned to put on his bandana and battle shell. He was just overreacting. His brothers didn’t hate him. No one hated him! You can’t even fight without your tech. Scrambling to his desk, Don turned on his computers. He just needed to distract himself. Maybe working on this code from yesterday would help? By the time he pulled everything he needed up on his computer, his coffee had finished brewing. Grabbing a cup, Don sat down at his desk and did his best to rub some of the tired from his eyes. Slowly sipping on his coffee, he went over the work he had so far before researching new angles for the puzzle he had created. It wasn’t until he went for another sip that he realized his mug was empty. Standing up for a refill, there was a knock at his door. Don sighed as he took a sip of his warm caffeine before turning to open the door.

Mikey stood there with an awkward smile on his face holding a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. Don raised his eyebrow as he looked over his younger brother.

“Um… I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out,” he mumbled.

Don held up his coffee before taking another sip and gesturing to his coffee maker.

“R-right. I just thought I’d make you breakfast! I didn’t season the eggs and I made sure to butter the toast while it was still warm and went to the edges so it was soft like you liked it! I also have some salt just in case you were in the mood! I thought-“

Don held up a hand.

“Thanks,” he muttered before grabbing the plate. He wasn’t really hungry he didn’t feel like arguing with Michel.

“Can… can I come in, Dee? I just… I just want to talk.”

Mike stared gently into Don’s eyes. He didn’t like that look. He was tired of seeing that look. That look always came with his brother’s concern. He was tired of speeches about his habits.

“Not now, Michel,” Don sighed.

“I just… I know Leo said some hurtful things last night but we don’t really think of you-“

“I said not now!”

Mikey paused, “Um… okay. Yeah. Just… I’m here if you want to talk, okay?”

“Yeah,” Don rolled his eyes as he closed and locked the door behind him.

He set the plate down on his desk as he sat down and continued his work. It was a little frustrating. He found a solution to one problem and it would just spark a new one. New bugs and glitches that he either had to find a solution for or just start over with his first fix. He couldn’t understand why this wasn’t working! Growling to himself, the soft shell turned to his many inventions behind him. Picking up some of the circuit boards from last night, he grabbed some scraps from some tech he had found in the junkyard and pulled out one of the blueprints he planned on adding to the tank. Hands-on work with his tools was perfect. He didn’t need to puzzle out a new solution, he could just work the pieces into a plan he’d already made. Why was his mind so fuzzy? He slept fine for the most part. Four hours wasn’t bad, right?

Don drained his mug before turning to the pot and finding it empty. Shit. As he started brewing another pot, ( Which number was this? Just his second, right? What time was it again?) he heard a tentative knock at the door.

“I said not now, Michel!” Don groaned.

“I am not your brother,” Dad said softly. “I wish to speak to you, Purple. May I come in?”

Letting out a soft sigh, he made his way to the door to find his father looking up at him softly. He hesitated before stepping aside and letting his dad through. His brothers were one thing, but he didn’t want to upset his father. Splinter made his way into the room before pulling up a chair and sitting down by his lab table. He gestured for his son to do the same. Don sat down, tapping his fingers on the table as he waited for his father to speak.

“Are you okay, my son?” He asked after a long silence.

“I’m fine. I have a lot of work to do. I’m still trying to-“

“I talked to your brothers. I know about the fight you and Blue had last night.” Don refused to look at his father, choosing instead to stare at his own hands as they rubbed the cold metal surface. “Donatello, I understand you may not wish to talk, but I am concerned. I know your brother said some hurtful things and I don’t want you to hide yourself away in your lab. I talked to him and when you’re ready, I’d like for you two to talk this out.”

“Yeah, fine. Whatever,” Don said as he stood up.

“You don’t have to-“

“Let’s just get this over with. I have a lot of work to do and I’m tired of people disturbing me.”

“Don-“ Splinter called after him but Donnie was already out the door.

No, he wasn’t ready to talk to his brother. A part of him agreed with everything he said. His tech was all he had. It was all he was good at. He wasn’t as strong as his brothers and he couldn’t use mystic powers like them. If his tech failed, then what was the point of having Donnie around? Sure, he was smart, but it seemed like there was a mystic solution to replace every one of his technological ones. Maybe he really was useless. But he could still at least try to prove his worth. If he could just get everyone off his back then perhaps he could get his work done and impress his brothers with another upgrade to the tank! Another cool weapon with lots of shiny buttons and lights. He could do it! He just needed time.

As Don walked further into the common room, he could hear his brothers shouting. Leo held his skateboard in one hand and his sword in the other as he yelled at Mikey. Raph stood between them trying to calm them down. Don stepped back as he watched the fight ensue. The shouts echoed around the large ceilings and down the hall. He couldn’t make out what they were saying. It was too much. Too much. Too much. Too much.

Leo gestured wildly with his sword. Raph stepped in to stop him. He slipped. His hand slipped. The sword had left his hand and was flying back. Right back at Donnie. By the time Don realized what was even happening, it was too late. Searing pain sliced through his throat. Falling to the ground he could feel the hot metallic liquid fill his mouth and slide down his throat. He was only vaguely aware of the movement around him as his vision blurred and darkened. Voices were yelling. His body was moving but he couldn’t feel anyone touching him. Numbness spread throughout his limbs as he choked. The last thing he saw was his brothers across the room before everything went dark.

Notes:

With the way I've been writing, I think I'll have update every day/every other day? We're about to find out!

Chapter 3: Deja Vu

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello woke with a start, grabbing at his throat. He filled his lungs with oxygen. Such sweet oxygen. Looking around the room, he realized he was in bed. He was safe. He was okay. His hands shook as he climbed out of bed and walked over to his lab. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he started his coffee maker. Flashes of his dream from last night danced in his head. It had felt so real. He so vividly remembered working on his coding and projects. It was as if he had lived an entire day before– he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about it. Why did it feel so real? He touched his neck as the feel of the blade burned through his memories. His hand jerked as he felt a small indent that he swore wasn’t there before. Running to the bathroom, Don looked in the mirror.

He couldn’t breathe. It was like he was floating in space or something. Lifting a shaky hand to his neck, he traced a dark line across his skin. It looked like a scar of some sort, but that wasn’t possible. This wasn’t possible. Laughing to himself, he slid to the floor. He had to still be asleep. He was asleep. Safe in bed. Nothing was wrong. He was fine. Everything was fine. Everything-

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Scrambling to his feet, he opened it to find Leo standing there. He paused and took a step back.

“Oh… um… h-hey,” Leo stuttered.

“Uh… sorry,” Donnie blurted before pushing past him and running to his room.

He could feel Leon staring at him, but he didn’t care. He needed to understand what was happening. He threw on his mask and purple hoodie. He hoped the hoodie would hide the scar on his throat. The one he could have sworn wasn’t there yesterday. Returning to his lab, Don found his coffee was ready. Shakily pouring himself a cup, he sat down at his desk. He could at least get some work done, right? Powering on his computer, he started working on fixing the code he’d been stuck on yesterday. Was yesterday really yesterday? Glancing at the date on his computer, he realized it really was yesterday they’d had that fight. It was just a dream. He was fine.

A metallic knock echoed through his lab. Don groaned before picking up his mug and going to answer the door. He chugged the lukewarm liquid before opening the door. Mikey stood at the door giving him an awkward smile. The same smile from his dream. He held a plate of… eggs and toast. Donnie stared at the plate, barely registering Michel’s speech.

“Um… I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out,” he mumbled.

Don glanced at the empty mug in his hand before setting it down.

“I uh… I wasn’t all that hungry,” he muttered.

“R-right. I just thought I’d make you breakfast! I didn’t season the eggs and I made sure to butter the toast while it was still warm and went to the edges so it was soft like you liked it! I also have some salt just in case you were in the mood! I thought it might help, you know? It’s always good to eat something and I wanted to make sure you ate!”

It was exactly the same. The words washed over him as he reached out for the plate.

“Th-thanks,” he managed to get out as he set the plate in his room.

“Can… can I come in, Dee? I just… I just want to talk.”

He considered the possibility. Maybe changing something would break whatever deja vu he was having, but he was barely holding it together as it was.

"Later, Michel. I… I need time to think.”

“Yeah… okay! Just… I’m here if you want to talk, okay?”

Don nodded before closing the door. He refilled his mug and checked the clock. Something was… different. The events from his dream were still playing out but in a seemingly different order. At least there was that. But it was still way too similar. Taking a deep breath, he sat down at his desk and went over the coding he was working on. He looked through various sources and as he tried different fixes, he realized they were showing the same problems as in his dream. Did he really dream up these exact bugs? At least he knew what not to do.

He leaned forward and rubbed his head. Maybe Mikey was right. Maybe he should eat something. But the eggs and toast felt a little too heavy. No, maybe just some juice. Does he dare try to get it himself or should he send his brother to get it for him? No no. No. He should do it. He needed to break the chain. Bracing himself, he gingerly opened the door before making his way to the kitchen. He’s going to die. He’s going to die. He’s going to die. This is how he dies. By the time he made it to the kitchen, his entire body was shaking.

“Donnie!” Don jumped as Mikey enthusiastically shouted his name. “Woah. You okay? You’re shaking! Sit down!” Michelangelo ushered him into a seat. He wanted to say something. Anything! But his mouth couldn’t form the words. All he could think about was that sword. “Don?” He jerked his head in Mikey’s direction, concern dripping from his face. “What’s wrong? Is this about what Leo said last night?”

Don pressed his hands against his face as he tried to pull himself together. All he could think to do was sign to Mikey “Juice.” Idiot.

“Yeah, I can make you some juice. You want your usual flavorless juice?”

Don just nodded. He took a couple of deep breaths but he couldn’t shake the sense of impending doom in his gut. Testing his vocal cords he hoped he could manage some sort of noise or something but he just couldn’t do it. Just more proof of how useless he really was.

“I was just about to head to my room to do some painting, if you wanted to come hang out?” Michel offered as he set a cup down in front of Donatello. “It might help to just take your mind off things for a bit.”

Don took a sip of his juice as he mulled over the offer. Having someone there might help put his mind at ease. If he was with Mikey, he couldn’t argue with Leo. But he had work to do. Don tapped his fingers on the table before turning to look at his brother. “Garage?” he signed.

“Yeah! I can set up my paints in the garage if you want! I can meet you there!”

Don let out a relieved sigh as the young box turtle got out of his seat and left the kitchen. He drained his juice before placing the cup in the sink and walking toward his lab to gather the supplies he’d need to work on the tank.

“Leo!” Don froze when he heard the annoyed tone from his younger brother. No. No! He changed things! It wasn’t time yet! He still had time! Trying to get his breathing under control, he considered running back to his lab. But he had to know. He had to. If his dream was right, then Leo’s sword would fly out of his hand. Someone else could get hurt.

Against his better judgment, Don ran toward the sound of his brothers arguing. He prayed to the pizza supreme in the sky that this was all just another nightmare. This couldn’t be happening! As he crossed the doorway, he saw the flash of steel. It was too late. Again, he fell. The pain and numbness seeping into him all too real. This couldn’t be a dream. He shouldn’t feel pain in his dreams. He couldn’t choke on his own blood in his dreams. It was real. It had to be real.

Chapter 4: It's Donatello

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello didn’t move as the alarm blared beneath him. Slowly reaching toward his neck, he felt the scars from the blade over his skin. Dragging himself out of bed, he turned off his alarm and shuffled to his coffee maker. After starting on a pot, he made his way over to his desk. He pondered what the internet could possibly offer on his predicament, but he had to start somewhere. Down the rabbit hole, he dove; following any sort of lead he could find, taking tedious notes, as he sipped his coffee. He was already starting his third pot when Mikey knocked on his door.

“Come in,” Donnie called out without looking away from the screen.

“Um… hey, Dee. I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out,” he muttered softly as he entered the room. “Have you been up all night?”

Don turned to see his bother scanning the tossed coffee filters and glancing at the scattered notes across his desk.

“No, I woke at my usual hour. I started my research immediately! Science doesn’t wait and this is important research!”

“R-right. I just thought I’d make you breakfast. I-”

“Thank you, Michel! You can set it here! I’ll get to it later,” Don waved the box turtle away as he took another sip of his coffee.

“How much coffee have you had?”

“My mind is focused on other things, dear Angelo. Counting cups of coffee is a waste of my time.”

“Dee?” Mikey said as he rested a hand over Donnie’s to prevent him from taking another sip.

“I’m fine, Mikey. I’ll talk to you if I need you, but I’m busy right now.”

“Promise?”

Don let out a small defeated sigh before looking at his younger brother.

“Promise.”

Mikey gave him a small smile before leaving the room. As he heard the door close, he wondered if staying in his room might prevent the incident that started all this. He couldn’t prevent the fight, but maybe he found prevent anyone from getting hurt. Grabbing another sheet of paper, he wrote down everything relating to his deaths these past two days. But he only had two data points. The only way he’d really know what was going on was to collect more data. Which meant letting himself die again.

Don growled to himself as he stood up and paced the room. Twice now he found himself living the same day over again. Twice now he had died by his own brother’s hand. Twice now he watched his brothers fight. He paused his manic pacing. What was their fight even about? Maybe if he managed to prevent the fight he could stop the loop? But he wasn’t good at talking to his brothers. The fight broke out early when he left his room. Maybe if he got Mikey to stay with him he could prevent the fight completely? He could text him to come over and hang out. Michel would be willing to just keep him company. But that wasn’t a permanent solution. The fight would still happen. Someone would get hurt. The day would start over.

He rubbed his face, throwing his head back. Useless. Useless. Useless! What the hell was he supposed to do?! He was always the one they were arguing with. He was always the one causing them problems. He couldn’t fix their problems! Emotions and arguments didn’t follow an algorithm. There was no sure solution! He couldn’t analyze it and collect data. People didn’t work like that. They weren’t that simple. Sinking to the floor, Don curled up against the wall, burying his face in his knees. His eyes burned as he fought back tears. His mind raced going over everything he’d researched. He wanted to believe this was some sort of never-ending dream, but it felt so real. This was real. The bitter taste of coffee lingering on his tongue. The faint smell of eggs from his desk. The weight of his battle shell on his shoulders. The lump in his throat and stinging in his eyes as he tried to get himself under control.

A tentative knock on his door startled him out of his thoughts. Was it that late already? How long had he been sitting here? Taking a deep breath, Donatello pulled himself to his feet and took another long sip of coffee before answering the door.

“Hey, Dad,” Don muttered.

“Purple. May I come in?”

Don chewed his lip as he pondered having this conversation. He knew what his father wanted to discuss, but he didn’t have time to deal with the stupid fight he and Leo had. Then again, it might be a good distraction? Maybe his dad had some ideas on how to help prevent that fight?

“Yeah, sure,” he mumbled as he stepped aside. He watched Splinter grab a seat before closing the door and pulling up beside him. Don tapped his fingers on the table while they sat in silence waiting for his dad to start the conversation.

“Are you okay, my son?”

“You talked to Leo?”

“Yes, I did. I spoke to all of your brothers. I know all about the fight you and Blue had last night. Donatello, I understand you may not wish to talk, but I am concerned. I know your brother said some hurtful things and I don’t want you to hide yourself away in your lab. When you’re ready, I’d like for you two to talk this out.”

“Yeah, I… I know. My lab is a safe place for me. It’s quiet and consistent. And I can discover and advance my technology! I like it here. You know that. I spend most of my time here in my lab.”

“You misunderstand. I know you enjoy your lab, but I want you to feel almost as safe in the rest of our home as you do in here. Take all the time you need, but you and Leonardo need to find a way to resolve your conflict.”

Don remained silent as Splinter stood and turned toward the door.

“How… how’s Mikey?” Don blurted out.

“Mikey? He was fine last I checked. Is there something I’m missing?”

“He…” he scrambled to find a way to explain his concern without revealing his previous death. “He came to check on me this morning. I just-“ The words refused to form. He just what? Thought his brother would get in a huge fight that ends with a flying sword?

“Your brother is concerned about you. He-“

A loud crash came from outside the room causing Don to stand as he followed the sound. It slipped his mind the fight originally occurred during his talk with Splinter. It was too late. Far too late. Splinter groaned before leaving the room.

“Boys?” He shouted as he left the room. “What was that?”

Donnie stumbled backwards as he stared at his open door. Was anyone hurt? Were they still fighting? Raph was there. He could keep them from actually hurting each other, right?

His back hit one of the machines. He fell to his knees as his mind raced. Breathe. Breathe. No one was hurt yet. Splinter would yell if someone was hurt, right? Should he check? But leaving his room might change the outcome of the fight. He didn’t notice the creaking metal behind him until it was too late. Glancing back, he saw some of his machinery fall before it hit him.

As he lay under his broken tech, he tried to wrap his head around what just happened. A warm liquid seeped out from under him as his body grew cold. Placing his hand over the blood pooling out on his floor he couldn’t help but laugh at himself. It was him. The universe was out for him. It had nothing to do with his brothers. The universe had decided it was Donatello’s day to die.

Notes:

The length of the chapters is going to be inconsistent by the way. It's all tied to how long he actually lives though!

Chapter 5: Break the Chain

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello turned off his alarm before crumpling to the floor. He didn’t bother making coffee. Not yet. He was tired. So tired. Would it really make a difference if he took one day to just rest? He hadn’t actually slept or eaten in days. Surely he could just rest for a bit before he died today. Crawling back into bed, Don curled up in his blankets. He could continue his research during his next loop. This time, he was going to rest.

Don was startled awake by a soft knock at his door. He turned to glance at his clock. Mikey.

“Go away, Mikey!” Donnie groaned as he turned his back to the door.

The door creaked open a moment later. “How’d you know it was me?”

“It’s always you,” Don mumbled. “Just leave the plate on my desk and I’ll get to it later. I’m tired.”

“I… are you okay, Dee?”

Don sighed as he turned to face his brother.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Do… do you want me to start a pot of coffee? You’re usually up by now?”

“Yet you came to check if I was up.”

“Well… yeah. I’m just… I’m worried. I know Leo said some hurtful things last night and-“

“Michel, please. I just want one day to rest. I work tirelessly every day. Just let me have this before I die.”

“That’s… that’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” Mikey nervously chuckled as he started brewing a pot of coffee.

“Not really,” he mumbled as he turned into his pillow. The room was filled with the murmur of the coffee maker whirring to life. The bittersweet aroma drifting throughout the small space, tempting him to leave his warm bed.

“Dee?” Mikey called out softly after a while of silence.

“What?” Don whined as he turned to look at him.

“Is it okay if I just… hang out for a bit? You can sleep and I’ll be quiet, I just… I’d feel a little better if you weren’t alone.”

“I’m not going to kill myself, geez,” Don rolled his eyes.

“I- It-“ Mikey paused before trying again. “Donnie, I… if it were me, I’d be very upset. I just… I don’t want you to feel alone. When you’re ready to talk about it, I want to be here.”

Don contemplated his options. Sure, he could kick his brother out, but that wouldn’t change anything. Maybe just letting Mikey keep him company would prevent that fight. But preventing the fight wouldn’t prevent his death, would it? It was his own fault he died last time. Maybe it was still connected to his brothers’ fight. Could preventing the fight save his life? Did he really deserve to live?

“Whatever,” he finally muttered. “Just stay quiet so I can sleep.”

“Promise! Just let me grab my sketchpad!”

“Wait!” Don shot up before he could stop himself. Mikey froze in his tracks turning to look at him.

“Yeah?”

“Uh… I…” Don wasn’t sure what to say. Mikey didn’t usually argue with Leo this early. He hadn’t left his room. But he did just have a longer conversation with his brother. Was it possible this is what caused the fight? Could Don have had something to do with it? Could Don’s meddling start the fight early?

“Dee? What’s wrong?” Glancing at his brother he noticed that same look he’d been getting for days. He looked down at his hands to see them shaking. Say something. Anything! “Do you want me to sit with you? I can just play on my phone?”

The tension in his shoulders he didn’t know he know he was holding left in an instant. He nodded. Mikey climbed up to his bed and made himself comfortable by Don’s feet. Falling back onto his bed, Don curled up in his blankets again. His mind was racing as he thought of everything that happened. He wished he could just turn off his mind and allow himself to rest, but what if he had managed to change the outcome? Now he was lazily lying in his bed when he could be working. He could be doing something. But what if it wasn’t broken? What if he still died later today? Closing his eyes, Don decided this was something he could worry about later.

Donatello awoke to the sound of voices. Turning his head toward the sounds, he found Splinter and Mike talking quietly below him. Splinter looked up at him as Don peered over the side of his bed.

“Ah! Purple! How are you feeling?”

Don looked at the time. It was already past noon. Had he really slept that long?

“Still waking up,” he muttered as he slid out of bed and headed toward his cold coffee. At this point, he didn’t care about the temperature. He just needed the caffeine.

“Do you want me to make you some lunch? Your breakfast got cold,” Mikey asked sheepishly.

“I’ll eat later, I’m not all that hungry right now,” he shrugged as he took a sip of his coffee.

“You should eat something. I can bring you some leftover pizza from last night. You haven’t touched any of yours yet,” Splinter suggested. “I can talk to-“

“I’m fine!” Don snapped. “I know you guys are trying to help and all but I’m not some fragile child! Leo and I got in a fight. We’ll talk it out when we’re ready. But I don’t need everyone hovering over me! I screwed up and Leo got mad. I get it.”

“You don’t… you don’t really believe all those things Leo said, do you?” Mikey asked tentatively.

“Please,” Donnie rolled his eyes and took another sip of his coffee. “Leo’s always trying to get under my skin. He’s just jealous I’m smarter than him. Last night wasn’t my best performance. Just give me time to process and get something done around my lab. I’ll talk to Leo tomorrow morning.”

“Are you sure? I-“

“Yes! I’m sure! I appreciate your concern and all, but I promise I’ll handle it tomorrow,” he ushered his father and brother toward the door. “Thank you for stopping by, I’ll see you for dinner.”

“O-okay! Yeah!” Mikey tried to sound enthusiastic.

Don did his best to give them a smile before closing the door and embracing the cold silence of his empty lab. Taking a deep breath, he drained his mug and refilled it before turning to his computer. Was it possible he’d changed the day’s events? There was no guarantee. He wasn’t sure what Leo and Mikey were even fighting about but it was possible assuring his brother everything was fine might have eased the tension between them. How could he be sure? He couldn’t exactly ask them what the fight was about! It hadn’t happened yet in this loop!

Sitting down at his desk, he tapped his fingers along the wooden surface as he decided which project to work on. He wanted to be at least a little productive and attempt to work on his coding for the security system, but if he hadn’t broken the loop, there wasn’t a point. Was any of his work worth anything if he just had to start over the next day? He pulled up a new tab and started digging further into time loops. Pulling out his notebook, he started taking notes on his previous experiences and what he could remember from his research yesterday. He found himself growing increasingly agitated as he perused the same articles as before. The deeper he delved, the less he could find. Was he really that thorough yesterday? All that research and this was all he had to show for it? He had taken such rigorous notes yesterday and after all of that, he could reduce hours of work to one sheet of paper. He had nothing.

If one of his brothers were in this situation, he couldn’t do anything to help them. How would he even know if they were stuck in a loop? No, they would find a way to solve it. They weren’t as smart as him, but they were better with mystic powers than he was. A mystic problem had to require a mystic solution and that was the one thing he wasn’t good at. Science and technology he could write his own books about, but magic? He was powerless. Ignorant. Useless.

Don stood up and grabbed his tools before leaving his room. He needed to do something. Anything to get his mind off of how powerless he was in this situation. Ignoring his brothers, he slipped into the garage. Setting down his tools, he looked over the turtle tank before opening the doors and hopping inside. Pulling out one of the panels, he set down his tools and worked on the wiring to make way for the new upgrade he planned to add. He knew any work he did today may not make it to tomorrow, but he didn’t care. He just needed something to do; something to keep his hands and mind busy.

Minutes then hours passed as he worked around the tank. Taking apart panels to expose his machinery, streamlining his wiring, fixing his circuitry, adding in his new tech, everything was perfect. Grabbing a few jacks, he propped up the tank to check underneath it and finish installing the new weaponry. He heard the garage door open and a shadow soon fell over the crack below the tank. There was silence for a while before he heard his brother sigh.

“Can… can we talk, Dee?” Leo asked tentatively.

Don scooted out from under the tank and looked up to see Leo holding a box of pizza and staring down at him. Leon gave him an awkward smile as he held out the box.

“I brought you some dinner? Dad said you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Did he talk to you?” Don raised an eyebrow as he scrutinized his brother.

“Raph did,” he muttered as he sat down next to Don. “Look I… I lost my temper. I shouldn’t-”

“You weren't entirely wrong,” Don muttered as he flipped open the box. “I… I know I’m not the same as the rest of you, but I shouldn’t be relying so much on my tech. I just…” He paused as he thought of the best way to voice his thoughts.

“No, Dee. Your tech is great. Yeah, it glitches or whatever sometimes and it ends up causing us a lot of problems. Like having to fight Alberto… twice. But! It’s still a lifesaver! I mean just look at your tank! It’s so cool! What are you working on right now anyway?”

“A missile launcher. It still needs a lot of work, but it should be ready by the end of the week,” he muttered.

He set aside the pizza box as he turned to his tank.

“That sounds really cool,” Leo smiled. Don just nodded as he scooted back under the tank and continued his work. “Dee?”

“What?”

“Are… are we cool?” he asked softly as he leaned closer. Don took a deep breath as he considered Leo’s apology. “Look, I… I know I said things I shouldn’t have. I got upset and I took it out on you.” Leo leaned against one of the jacks as he peeked under the tank. “You’re still my favorite twin.”

“We aren’t twins,” Don rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help smiling.

“Oh yeah? Tell that to our matching hoodies! Raph and Mikey are totally jealous of our style.”

“You dress like a dork,” he snickered.

“Hey!” Leo yelled as he moved to hit Donnie.

The jack jerked to the side. Don’s heart stopped as he looked at Leo who was looking at him with horror. They both sat frozen as the metal creaked above them.

“Let’s… let’s get you out of there,” Leo breathed as he reached forward.

Don took a deep breath and shook his head as a surprising calm filled him.

“I’ll be okay, just move out of the way,” Donnie instructed.

“Are you-”

“Just move, Nardo. I’m coming.”

Leo just nodded before backing up. Don took another deep breath, unsure if he should be hoping the loop was still active or finally broken. As he scooted closer to the edge, the metal beside him creaked again before finally snapping. Closing his eyes, Don knew his answer.

Chapter 6: You Look Terrible

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello woke with a start. Gasping for breath, he looked over his sore body. He could still feel the lingering sensation of the heavy metal crushing him. Curling up on his bed, he allowed his alarm to continue blaring below him as he tried to control his breathing. Why didn’t that work?! What was he doing wrong? He prevented Mikey and Leo’s fight. He even made up with his brother! Why did he still die?! Why was he starting the day over again? What did he do wrong? Why was he being punished? Grabbing his gauntlet, Don turned off his alarm and locked down his lab as hot tears began to stream down his face.

He let himself break down and cry into his pillow. Was there anything he could do to fix this? He and Leo made up! They were laughing! They were cool again! Mikey didn’t fight with him! He didn’t understand! Why couldn’t he understand this? He hated not understanding! He was a turtle of science! He could understand the physics behind gravity, the math behind the Dewey Decimal system, the history of evolution, he had a basic grasp on Latin as well as knowing Morse code, ASL, and binary, and he could build fantastic technology! He’d made a tank out of a movie prop and created a smart lair with the best security in New York! He has apps that allow him to hack into any security system in the city! His brothers used magic weapons and he was able to use his own technology to match and sometimes even best them! He taught himself how to read and expanded his horizons from there! He was 14 years old and he had done more than some of his heroes! If he were human, he could graduate from Havard before he turned 18.

Don was perfectly capable of handling anything life threw at him. Yet, here he lay crying on his bed facing a situation he couldn’t fix. Get a hold of yourself. He couldn’t just let himself fall apart over this. Crying didn’t solve his problem. But… he didn’t have any more ideas. He prevented the fight and made up with his brother and still died! He still died! Rest didn’t help him either. He had almost finished the day and his stupid tank fell on him! Could it have something to do with Leo? He was the one to kill him the first two times. No, he still died alone in his lab. There wasn’t much to even go on: each death was a freak accident resulting in Don bleeding out on the floor. The first three resulted soon after Mikey and Leo’s argument, but the last one didn't make any sense! All the data he had was useless now. Useless. Useless! USELESS! A silent scream escaped his lips as he curled in on himself.

A soft knock echoed through his room, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to Mikey. He didn’t want to attempt to reassure him he was fine. He couldn’t pretend right now. Maybe it would make things worse but did it really matter? They could start all over again next loop and he could do his best to reassure his brothers he was fine then. Right now, he just wanted to fall apart. Another knock at the door and Don groaned as he squeezed his pillow. Just go away, Mikey. Go away!

“Dee?” Michelangelo’s muffled voice called out.

Frustrated, Donnie untangled himself from his blankets and fell out of bed, landing on his side. Grumbling to himself, he shouted from the floor, “Go away, Michel!” There was a pause before Mikey tried to speak again.

“I… I made you breakfast. I promise I’ll leave you alone, I just… I want to make sure you eat.”

Don sighed as he pulled himself up. Rubbing his sore arm, he unlocked the door and threw it open. Mikey flinched at the violent motion.

“Woah! What happened to your face?!” Mikey asked as he reached out to examine him.

Don stepped back as he swatted his brother’s hand away.

“Just give me the plate, Mikey! I want to be left alone.”

“Donnie! I heard the crash and your face is all… bruised! And… what’s on your neck?”

Donatello instinctively touched the lines on his neck before looking at his arms. He hadn’t realized the tank had left its own form of scarring.

“Geez, Dee! Is this from the fight? Why didn’t you say anything?!” Mikey snapped Donnie out of his thoughts. “We should get you to the MedBay! I’ll tell Dad!”

“No!” Don blurted out.

“No? Donnie, you’re hurt!”

“N-no, it-it… I… I uh- I-“

“Come on, Dee,” Mikey soothed him. “Let’s just go get you looked at. I just want to be sure you’re okay.”

Don shook his head. “I’m fine, Mikey!”

Mikey just stared at him with those wide worried eyes Donnie had been seeing for days now. Did it really matter if he upset his brother?

“Please, Dee?”

Donnie rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. You won’t even remember this next time,” he muttered as he closed and locked the door. There was a pause before he heard Mikey leave. Don sank to the floor and took a better look at the bruising on his body. Apparently getting crushed by a tank left a lot of marks. He couldn’t explain this to his family, could he? There was no evidence he was hurt other than the markings on his skin, but nothing was physically wrong with him. Maybe that would help his story, but would they really believe him?

Another knock on the door almost made Donatello burst into tears. He just wanted them to leave him alone.

“Donatello, my son, can I come in?” Splinter’s gentle voice called from the other side of the door.

Don leaned his head back, staring at his ceiling as he pondered what to do. He was out of answers. Maybe… just maybe, his family could shed some sort of light on what was happening. But could they really help him? Even if they had some answers, they wouldn't remember any of this next time. He'd have to start all over. Yet, what else could he do? Finally pulling himself up again, he opened the door to see his father’s gaze fixate upon his many scars.

“Purple! What happened?”

“It’s… it’s not as bad as it looks,” Don muttered.

“Please, Son. Let’s get a proper look at this,” Splinter coaxed him out of his room.

Defeated, Don allowed himself to be led into the MedBay and examined by his family. It wasn’t long before his brothers were by his side.

“Did Draxum do all this?” Raph asked as he looked at Donnie’s shell.

“No,” Don answered robotically. “It’s not from the fight.”

“Did you do this to yourself?!” Mikey asked frantically.

“No! No! I… I don’t really know how to explain it,” his voice faded and the room fell silent. “I…I don’t know what’s happening.”

Splinter placed a hand over his and Don clenched his fists as he tried to hold himself together.

“Start from the beginning. What happened after the fight?”

“I woke up, it was a normal day. Mikey brought me breakfast and-“

“That was this morning,” Mikey interrupted.

“No,” Don shook his head. “It wasn’t this morning. It… it’s like I’m stuck in.. in a time loop or something.”

His words hung in the air, Don refused to look up at his family. Choosing instead to watch his father’s hand over his.

“A.. time loop?” Leo asked.

Don took a deep breath before nodding.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “This is the 5th day I’ve repeated so far. At the end of each one I-“ He paused. It sounded so crazy saying it out loud. Were they all just waiting for him to finish so they could try to talk him down from what seemed to be some psychotic episode? Maybe they’d just make him sleep the day away and try again later. Why would they believe him? Would he even believe him if he wasn’t living through it?

“You what?” Raph prompted him to continue.

“I… I die,” he breathed as his hands went back up to his neck.

The silence was killing him. He could feel his body start shaking as he waited for someone to say something. Anything! Laugh at him, call him crazy. Just something to break this unbearable tension! Giant arms wrapped around him as Raph pulled him into a hug. Despite his usual qualms with affection, he didn’t have the energy to fight him.

“So… each scar is from a previous death?” Leo asked as he leaned in closer to examine his neck.

Don just nodded.

“Do you know what’s causing it?” Splinter asked.

“I… the first time it happened Mikey and Leo were arguing. I thought it might have to do with that but… last time there was no fight. Leo and I even made up after… last night. I thought maybe it was fixed but I still… the apparent bruising is probably from the last loop. I… I was… under the tank and it..”

“YOU GOT CRUSHED BY THE TANK?!” Mikey shrieked causing Don to flinch.

“Holy shit…” Leo mumbled. “That… wow… I…”

“I didn’t feel it,” he shrugged. “It all happened so suddenly. One minute, I saw the jack break, the next my alarm was going off. Probably the least painful of all of them.”

“And… and your neck..?” Leo asked cautiously.

“I’d rather not go over every death I’ve had these past few loops! I’d just… I want to figure out a way to end them. I stopped the fight and made up with Leo and still died. I don’t… I don’t know what to do anymore." Bringing his hands up to his head as desperation finally sank in. "None of my research really helped and the loops themselves aren’t consistent enough for me to figure out what’s going on! There just isn’t enough data!”

“Hm…” Splinter glanced over him again. “It seems that there isn’t much physical damage so far, so perhaps there won’t be any lasting damage to your body?”

“It looks like one of the scars already started fading,” Leo joined in as he pointed to his neck. “Maybe with time eventually they’ll all fade?”

Taking a deep breath, Don just shrugged.

“We need to figure this out,” Raph said as scooted closer to Donnie. “Should we call April and see if she can help us brainstorm?”

“Oh! Great idea, Raph!” Mikey grinned. “Why don’t we eat lunch while we wait? We still have some leftover pizza from last night!”

“Have you eaten yet?” Splinter asked Donnie.

“I don’t remember the last time I ate,” he muttered. “I haven’t even had my coffee yet this morning.

“Coffee isn’t a meal,” Raph huffed. “Leo and Splinter can finish making sure you’re alright while Mikey prepares lunch, okay? I’ll go call April.”

Don just nodded as his family moved around him. He barely registered their actions in his tired mind as they finished scrutinizing him. Their voices washed over him as he leaned back against the wall. Maybe, this was the key to fixing it. Could the answer be that simple? Did he just need to trust his family? Talk to them? It seemed silly and yet this all started after an argument he had with his brother. Could he have prevented this if he had just talked to Mikey that first day? If he’d just been open with Splinter or had a real conversation with Leo rather than just wanting to get it over with? Maybe. The only way to know for sure was to make it through the day. Would merely surviving this day end the cycle?

Donnie watched Splinter leave with Raph before feeling Leo sit down on the edge of his bed.

“So… you said we made up already, right?” Leo asked hesitantly. “I… I apologized for everything I said last night?”

“Something along those lines,” Donnie rolled his eyes.

“I… I know I went too far, I-”

“Was upset and took it out on me, yeah. I heard it.”

“Right,” Leo laughed sheepishly. “So… are we cool then?” He held out a fist.

“Yeah,” Don smirked as he bumped the peace offering.

“Okay good,” Leo let out a relieved sigh. “Then I can tell you how awful you look, right? It looks almost like you’re dying.”

“Not right now. But I can't guarantee I won't later.”

“I… I don’t want to think about that,” Leo mumbled. Don glanced in his direction to see him staring at his sword. His hand went back to the scars on his neck.

“It’s always some freak accident,” Donnie mumbled. “The jack broke, I fell into one of the machines in my lab and it fell, and… I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“But… I… I killed you, didn’t I?” Leo’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Leo, it-“

“Didn’t I?” He asked with more conviction. Don stared at his brother’s sword, pondering how to answer him. But it seemed his silence was enough. “What did I do?” He choked out.

“You were arguing with Mikey. I don’t know what you were fighting about but Raph was trying to break it up. You started gesturing with your sword and lost control. I was standing in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Leo closed his eyes, leaning back slightly. Don pulled his knees to his chest. There was nothing he could say to console his brother’s anguish. He knew he’d feel awful if he had been the one to kill one of his brothers even if it didn’t stick.

“I…” Don took a deep breath before trying again. “It feels more like… the universe itself is against me. Even if your sword had missed or you didn’t have it, I think something else would have killed me. Hell, it did! My equipment fell off the wall and cut open one of my arteries,” Don pointed to a scar along his arm. “There’s nothing you could have done differently. You may not even remember this next loop.”

“No! Don’t say that! We’re going to get you through this! We’re going to figure this out!”

Mikey, Raph, and Splinter walked in a moment later carrying boxes of pizza. The warmed pies wafted a pleasant aroma through the room, but Donnie only really cared about the mug Raph held out to his. Smiling, he took a sip of coffee and allowed the warm liquid to fill him with an odd calm he was missing. They sat in contempt silence as they ate their early lunch. Don wasn’t entirely hungry but after much prompting from his family, he took a few bites of pizza. April joined them soon in the lair taking a couple of slices of pizza for herself.

“So, what’s going on?” she asked after swallowing.

“Donnie’s stuck in some kind of time loop and we’re trying to brainstorm getting him out,” Raph explained.

“Oh… kay? Is that why Donnie looks like he got run over by a truck?”

“He was actually crushed by the tank,” Mikey muttered.

“WHAT?! I was joking! How’d you manage that?!”

“The jack broke,” Don shrugged as he took a sip of his coffee.

“So, wait? Is this some kind of a… death loop? How many times have you died?”

“Four so far.”

“Hopefully only four,” Leo huffed.

“Well, no one lives forever.”

“Not helping, Donnie!” Raph snapped.

“Do you know what could be causing this?” April ignored them as she focused her attention on Don.

“No, it started with a fight between Mikey and Leo but in this last loop, they didn’t even talk to each other. Leo and I even made up after our argument and… I still died. Almost all of them are different! Different method. Different times of the day. The only similarity is how I start the day.”

“Okay, start at the beginning. Maybe there’s something in each day you aren’t considering. It could be something smaller that’s triggered by these fights? Go through each day with us! And don’t leave anything out! There has to be a clue somewhere!”

Don took another bite of pizza as he pondered how best to begin his explanation. A part of him was really hoping that just having faith in his family to be there for him would solve the problem, but only a fool would bank on a solution without all the facts.

“Maybe we should get something to write notes with?” Splinter suggested.

“I know there’s a notepad in here somewhere,” Leo mused as he glanced around the room.

“I’ll help you find it,” Raph said as he stood up and started looking through some of the drawers.

Absentmindedly taking another bite of his lunch, he watched his brothers scour the room. A part of him was content with the moment, happy his family was here for him. He just wished there was more he could do. No. He was doing so well. So… why did he still feel so… useless? Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he felt the pizza lodge itself in his throat. Oh no. Nononononono. Panicking, he quickly glanced around the suddenly impossibly bright room.

“Dee?” April’s voice swam toward him. “What’s wrong?”

Answer her. Answer.

“Oh shit!” Something crashed to the floor before he felt hands wrap around him.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Leo screamed. “WE TURNED OUR BACKS FOR TWO SECONDS!”

The room blurred around him as tears filled his eyes. Muffled voices were yelling from every direction. Hands were all over him. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe! His heart was racing as his whole body started shaking. Involuntarily curling in on himself, he felt the hands trying to move him. Stop touching him. Stop touching him! He didn’t want them touching him. He just wanted to breathe! Why couldn’t he breathe?! Nothing was happening. Someone was calling his name but he couldn’t tell where. Numbness spread throughout his body as his vision grew darker. Stop panicking! Stop panicking! Just calm down! How could he calm down when there was so much happening right now! Too much! Too much! Too much! Too much.

Notes:

Have any of you guessed the trigger yet? :3

Chapter 7: Insignificance

Notes:

A bit of a shorter chapter today, but the next few are a lot longer!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello stared at the ceiling, numbness pressing down on his chest. He thought he had it. He was so close. But his family couldn’t help him. No one could. He really was alone.

Turning off his alarm, he went through the motions, barely registering the day. His brother came to check on him followed by his father hours later. Nothing changed. A freak accident caused him to start over.

Again and again. Over and over. Alarm. Mikey. Splinter. Yelling. Death.

Alarm. Mikey. Splinter. Yelling. Death.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Alarm.

Knock. Knock. Knock. “Um… I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out." Mikey.

Knock. Knock. Knock. “Purple. May I come in?” Splinter.

Yelling. Fighting. Sword.

Death.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Alarm.

Knock. Knock. Knock. “Um… I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out." Mikey.

Knock. Knock. Knock. “Purple. May I come in?” Splinter.

Yelling. Fighting. Sword.

Death.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Alarm.

Knock. Knock. Knock. “Um… I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out." Mikey.

Knock. Knock. Knock. “Purple. May I come in?” Splinter.

Yelling. Fighting. Sword.

Death.

Acid, explosions, crushed, choked, cut. Again and again.

He stopped counting. He wasn’t afraid of death anymore. It didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. He didn’t know what he did but it was obvious he was being punished. Maybe he really did just screw everything up. He had to be the weak link. The least favorite. He always acted so superior. So high and mighty with his intelligence. But in reality, his brothers were better off without him. Maybe he deserved this.

Electrocution, broken neck, burned, sliced.

He stopped trying to prevent the fight between Mikey and Leo. It didn’t make a difference anyway. Every time he left his room, their fight broke out and he found himself standing in just the wrong spot at just the wrong time. Without fail. The only thing he seemed to be good at was dying. But that wasn’t up to him anymore. The universe itself was killing him. He had no control. He had nothing.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Coffee, eggs, toast, pizza. He was tired of everyone bringing him the same old food. But did it matter what he ate? Or even if he ate? His body always went back to the same old state it was the day this all started. Nothing mattered. Food didn’t matter. Sleep didn’t matter. He never really slept except that one day and that didn’t help his tired mind the next day. No. Self-care was useless. Just like him.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He refused to look at himself or answer his brother’s questions about his appearance. His body was covered in bruises, cuts, and burns. Scars of every death and yet he couldn’t feel them anymore. The oldest ones were almost faded by now but they were quickly replaced. It didn’t matter what he looked like. He’d end up collecting a new scar later that day.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Making coffee in his lab or the kitchen. It didn’t matter. He didn’t bother hiding from his family. They wouldn’t remember their interactions anyway. He could say or do whatever he wanted. He no longer impacted this world. Everything he did was swept away before night could allow him rest. There was no rest for Donatello. Only death.

He was just a useless little turtle. Insignificant. Alone. Worthless.

Notes:

If you guys wanted more updates on this story and other content I'm working on you can find me on Twitter @TheStoriesPlus
I'm also on Tumblr @storiesplus
My logo is the same there as it is here!
Warning: I'm a bit of a nut.

Chapter 8: A Mystic Problem Requires a Mystic Solution

Notes:

Chapters are getting longer now. >:3

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Dragging himself out of bed, Donatello donned his battle shell and slipped into the kitchen to make himself coffee. Not even bothering to speak to his brothers or acknowledge their concern, he focused on the brewing pot. The yelling started soon after he poured his mug. As he walked out of the room toward his lab, he saw the flash of steel heading his direction. Too tired to really care, he caught the blade with the robotic arm from his shell. Ignoring his brothers’ concerned stares, he took a sip of coffee and dropped the sword on the floor before continuing his walk to his lab.

Not long after he sat down, he heard a knock at the door. He pulled out his notebook and started scribbling notes. The door opened a second later.

“H-hey, Dee,” Leo stuttered. “Are you uh… I uh…”

Don gestured for Leo to grab a seat. His brother brought a chair over and sat down next to him. He leaned his head on Donnie’s shoulder as he watched him work. The two sat in contempt silence for a while before Leon cleared his throat.

“So… why are you interested in…” he glanced at Don’s notes again, “time loops?”

Choosing not to answer, he scribbled a basic chart of all the times he had died. At this point though, it was all just muscle memory.

“Don,” Leo whined. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Donnie croaked.

“How can you be so calm?! You almost died!”

“But I didn’t,” he shrugged. “Now I have a little more time before I inevitably do.”

“Why would you say that?!”

“Leo!” Donnie sighed. “If you’re going to hang out in my lab, can you at least let me concentrate? I’ve been trying to figure this out for ages!”

Leo glanced over the pages again as Don scribbled more notes down.

“Have you… have you died before?” Leo asked softly.

Setting down his pencil and rubbing the bridge of his beak, Don sighed and turned to Leo.

“We’ve already had this discussion. There’s nothing you can do to help. You’ve tried,” his voice faded and he picked up his pencil again flipping to another page of his notes. “I’m the only one who remembers each day so I’m the only one who can solve this,” he muttered, more to himself than Leo. “But… mystic powers aren’t my area of expertise. I’ve already gone over every angle I can think of and I can’t figure this out. I just have to keep digging and trying something new. I… I’ll figure it out eventually.”

“What about that mystic library you took us to when we needed to save Mayhem?”

Donnie froze. The library! Of course! Why didn’t he think of that sooner? He pushed his chair back and immediately stood up, Leo falling over into Don’s abandoned seat with a yelp.

“I can’t believe you thought of something I didn’t! Why didn’t you say this like ten loops ago?! I could be done with this shit by now!”

“Um… sorry? Wait!” Leo sprinted after Don, who was already out of his lab and heading for the door.

“I can probably portal us there!”

“No thanks, Nardo. You’ve already almost killed me once today.”

“Hey! I’ve gotten a lot better! I can get us there! Besides, wouldn’t it be better to, I don’t know, travel a little less? I mean, we don’t want to risk you dying while walking there, right?”

“How about you portal there first and if you get it right you can come back and get me?” Don rolled his eyes.

“Deal!” Leo quickly pulled out his sword and portaled out of the room. Don waited a couple of seconds before a blue light flashed in front of him. “Ha! Ha! Got it!” Leo smirked before pulling him through the portal.

The two of them walked through the aisles until they reached the catalogue. Carefully grabbing the glassy orb, Don gently shook it and peered within its surface. A book soon popped up, Dangers and Mishaps of Time, and Don read the location. Leo quickly leaned over and read the instructions before scribbling them on his hand.

“I’ve got it,” Don huffed.

“Last time you said that you got carried away and we had to figure this out without you! This,” Leo gestured to his hand, “is just in case!”

Rolling his eyes, Don returned the orb and the two headed in the right direction.

“Are you going to rap the directions this time?” Leo smirked. “I think I’ve got a whole new beat you could-“

“I thought you didn’t want me getting carried away by big scary bats?”

“I mean… as long as you don’t start shouting again, it should be fine, right? It was a lot of fun until then!”

“I don’t really feel like singing,” Don mumbled.

“Geez, this really is serious, isn’t it?” Leo stepped in front of Donnie and gave him a careful look over. “What exactly is going on, Bro?”

“Didn’t we already have this discussion in my lab?”

“No, you keep pushing me away! Give me a real explanation!”

Bats chirped overhead; Don glanced at the dangling creatures before facing his brother’s unwavering gaze. He hated when Leo was actually serious. Letting out a defeated sigh he pulled his brother a little closer.

“Fine,” he hissed. “But only because you’re researching this with me! Maybe you can bounce some ideas with me and we can actually solve this thing.”

“Okay! Great!” Leo grinned before Donnie shushed him.

“Quiet, Dum-dum! You’ll trigger the bats!”

“Right,” Leo laughed sheepishly. “So, what exactly is going on?”

“Well,” Don let go of his brother, “after that argument we had… last night, I’ve been stuck in this time loop. In the first variation, your sword did kill me. It seems to be one of the few recurring deaths. If that doesn’t kill me though, something else finds a way. I even choked on some pizza once. It’s like… the universe itself wants me to die, but something is keeping me alive. I don’t know what, but… I just want it to stop.”

“Wow…” Leo was quiet as he took in this information. “So you don’t know what’s causing all this?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be here,” Don rolled his eyes as he gestured to the rows of books surrounding them. “At first I thought it was the fight you and Michel had, but I’ve stopped that a few times and I still died. Same thing with us, making up after our own little argument didn’t change things either; nor did telling the whole family what was happening. The days are mostly the same but also different. If I change things, the events just occur in a different order or not at all! None of it changes the overall outcome. In the end, I still die.”

"Do you... do you think you're already dead and just stuck in some kind of limbo? I mean... I don't feel like a hallucination or anything but I don't think I'd really know, would I?" Leo stammered. "Would getting out of this make you permanently gone?"

"I don't know Leo! Either way is better than dying over and over! Let's just see what this book has to say!" Don huffed.

Leo was silent for a moment. “Dee?” His voice was barely audible, but it still managed to catch his attention.

“What?”

“If this book doesn’t fix it, will you still talk to me? Tell me everything?”

“You won’t remember any of this, Nardo. When you first wake up in the morning all you remember is that fight we had the night before.”

“I don’t care! I know you, Dee! You only come to us when you have a problem you can’t fix. If the roles were reversed, you’d be the one I’d go to! You’re smart, Dee. I know you can figure this out and I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to me. And I know no matter how crazy I sound, you’d hear me out. Even if it was just to make fun of me. Can’t you trust that I’d do the same?”

Don was silent as they pressed forward. It was impossible to know for sure if what Leo said was true. Did he really have anything to lose? Either Leo would laugh in his face and call him crazy or he’d actually try to help. But to ask for his assistance every day? Waking up every morning to have the same conversation? The only reason he started getting his coffee from the kitchen was to avoid that conversation with Mikey and Splinter.

“I trust you’d make fun of me every morning,” Donnie snickered. Leo opened his mouth to argue, but Don just held a hand up. “And before you say anything! I don’t know what I’d do if the situation were reversed. If I wasn’t currently living in this state, I’d think a time loop was just scientific bullshit. I might think you were just pulling my leg, without any real evidence. I… I can’t say for sure.”

“Okay, but I know you. If you came to me asking for help, especially after last night, I’d know you were serious! Sure, I might think it’s some sort of payback or something at first, but I can see the scars, Dee! I mean, we all know you’re a lousy liar!” Leo seemed to ignore Don’s indignant “Hey!” as they headed down a staircase. “My point is, just trust me, okay? Or if you can’t trust me, tell Mikey or Raph. Just promise me you’ll tell someone! Talk to us!”

Don closed his eyes for a moment as he processed Leo’s words. Stumbling over the last step, Leo grabbed his elbow and guided him in the right direction. Opening his eyes, he glanced over the shelves before finding the book he was after.

“Dee?” Leo called out softly.

“I… I‘ll think about it,” he muttered as he thumbed the book's pages. “I… I can’t promise I’ll talk about it every day. Do you know what it’s like to have the same conversation every single day?! Gosh! I can’t count the times I had to listen to Dad and Mikey ask me how I’m doing! He comes in with eggs and toast every morning and asks-“

Leo held a hand up and Donnie looked up to see bats gathering above them.

“How about we take this outside?” Leo whispered.

Donnie took a deep breath and nodded. They checked out the book and left the library, Don holding the book close as they wandered the street.

“I’m just so… tired of hearing everyone ask me how I’m doing and trying to assure them I’m fine.”

“You aren’t fine though, Dee. And surely you can open up for just one day, right? If the day restarts anyway, then no one will remember it. You can vent it all out and really talk to us. Tell us everything. There’s a chance we may not even remember it.”

“No,” he shook his head. “I’ll figure this out, I just need more time.”

“It seems like you have infinite time,” Leo chuckled weakly. “Should we be getting back?”

“I… I don’t know if I want to head home yet,” Donnie muttered. The streets were exposed to many threats but after dying so many times in his own home, was anywhere really safe?

“How about we get some pizza then? Or are you sick of pizza at this point?”

“I’m not all that hungry, Nardo.”

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

Don just shrugged as he turned the book over in his hands. He noticed his brother stopped and caught Leo frowning at him from the corner of his eye. A flash of blue light engulfed them before fading to a warm orange glow. Glancing around he found them surrounded by the familiar white walls of the Run of the Mill Pizzeria. Leo gently grabbed Donnie’s wrist and guided him to a booth.

“You should try to eat something, Dee. We all know you’re terrible at taking care of yourself,” Leo said as he picked up a menu. “We could probably get some bread or something to start?”

“We have food at home, Leo,” he muttered as he sank deeper into his seat.

“So? We can eat that food later. I want this food!”

“Yeah, sure,” Don sighed. “Get whatever you want.”

Leo grinned as he waved Hueso over. Donnie could almost hear the skeleton's eyes roll before he made his way over.

“Weren’t you here last night? Don’t you have any other place you can go?”

“But this place has my favorite Bone Man!”

Don rolled his eyes as Leo continued his banter before turning to the book in his hands. Gingerly opening the cover, Donnie perused the table of contents before finding a chapter on time loops. Only one chapter? The catalogue didn’t have anything else pertaining to his predicament? Taking a deep breath, Don turned to the appropriate chapter.

Chapter 11: Time Loops

Not much is known about time loops as only a few are able to break the cycle while maintaining their sanity.

Well, that didn’t bode well for him. Shaking his head, he continued reading.

As noted in chapter two, time acts as a steady stream, but a few rare incidents can cause a new branch of time. A time loop acts more as a whirlpool of time moving separately from the main stream, causing the subject to traverse in a circle until he or she manages to find a way back to the main timeline. These loops appear to have no effect on the main time stream nor do they cause any time branches. Some speculate time loops separate the target from the main timeline as they live out the same day.

These findings possibly explain the mysterious disappearances of various individuals. A few rare instances showcase the subject reappearing in the main timeline years after the date they were reliving.

Don stared blankly at the page in front of him, his blood running cold. Unable to process any of the other words swimming off the page. Had he just disappeared from the main timeline? Was he just floating through his own circle of hell while his brothers continued living their lives? Were they looking for him? There had to be a way to get out but what if he couldn’t? He wasn’t sure how long he’d even been here. Weeks? A month? It was impossible to tell! But his brothers would know. They’d be searching for him. Worried sick. Maybe they think you killed yourself.

“Don?” Leo asked warily.

Donnie stood and ran to the restroom as nausea swept over him. Not long after he heaved, he felt a hand over his shoulder.

“What happened?” Leo asked.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to find the words.

“You aren’t real,” he muttered.

“What?”

“You aren’t my real brother!” he said a little louder, his voice echoing around them. “None of you are! None of this is even real! I fucked up and now my brothers are alone! I’m so fucking useless! I-”

“Woah! Dee! Calm down!”

“No!” he screamed, pushing his brother away from him. Leo stumbled back before catching himself. “Nothing I do matters here! As long as I’m here I’m just… I…”

“What did the book say?” Leo asked.

Leaning back to a proper sitting position, Don rested his head on the side of the stall staring blankly at the wall. Did what he say really matter? Did any of it matter? He was already gone.

“Do you want to go home?” Leo asked gently. Donnie nodded slightly. He allowed Leo to lead him out of the bathroom. Grabbing his book, he flagged Hueso down to settle their bill and get boxes for their food before portaling them home. “H-how about a movie?” Leo suggested as he guided Don to the living room. He didn’t have the energy to respond.

“Purple?” Splinter asked as he muted the TV. “Is everything okay?”

“Do you mind if we take over the TV, Pops?” Leo asked as he sat Donnie on a chair.

“No, no. Go ahead.” He handed Leo the remote before awkwardly shuffling out of his seat. “Do you want me to make you some tea, Donatello?”

“Yeah,” Leo answered for him after a moment of silence, “that’d be great, Dad.”

Splinter just nodded before leaving. Leo shuffled through the room as he got the movie started before sitting down next to Donnie, who was pulled into a hug a moment later. Choosing to ignore it, he watched the colors from the projection screen light up the dark room. He could hear his brothers shuffling in and piling around them. A weight filled his lap as his hands absentmindedly grazed over a hard shell. Mikey. Right. Was it really Mikey? It was all real. It had to be real. It just wouldn’t stay. All of this. This moment would disappear tomorrow morning. As soon as that stupid alarm went off he’d have to start over.

“Are you… reading?” Raph’s voice caught his attention. Donnie turned his hand to peer at Leo holding the book from earlier.

“Yeah,” Leo answered coolly. “Donnie and I are trying to figure something out.”

“Can we help?” Mikey asked as he pushed himself up to lean closer to Leo.

“Is that okay with you, Dee?” Leo asked as he looked up from the book.

“Sure,” he signed.

“Blue?” Splinter asked as he returned. “Are you reading a book?”

“It’s important!” Leo huffed. “Donnie’s stuck in some kind of death loop! We got this,” he held up the book and gestured to the title, “to help him! But it started freaking him out, so I’m hoping maybe I can find something.”

“A… death… loop?” Mikey drew out each word as if testing to see if they were real.

“Woah,” Raph breathed.

Splinter set down the tea and joined his sons.

“How long has this been going on?” he asked taking one of Donnie’s hands.

Don just shrugged.

“You don’t know?” Raph asked. “And… do you… do you die in each… one?”

He nodded.

“Is that why you weren’t bothered when Leo almost…” Mikey trailed off. He didn’t have to answer the question. “So, what did the book say to freak Dee out?”

“I’m assuming this part here. These findings possibly explain the mysterious disappearances of various individuals. A few rare instances showcase the subject reappearing in the main timeline years after the date they were reliving,” Leo read aloud. “Although, in most cases, it appears the subject finds a way to return after a few weeks or months. Sadly, a few…” Leo trailed off.

“A few what?” Raph pressed.

“A few never find a way to leave. A-appar-ently some get… trapped in this loop forever.”

“We aren’t going to let that happen!” Splinter declared.

Don just shook his head.

“You are not the family in my time,” Don signed. “I am missing in my time.”

“Oh. That’s… that’s why you said I wasn’t your real brother,” Leo frowned.

“We may not be the ones you find when you get out of here, but we are still your family.” Splinter smiled warmly. “We’ll help you through this.”

Don couldn’t help but return the smile. Splinter handed him the tea before affectionately patting his hand and joining his sons in their movie. Leo continued reading, occasionally turning to the others and having them read a section or opting to just read it out loud.

“There really isn’t much here,” Leo muttered as he flipped back to the beginning of the chapter.

“How does your head not hurt,” Mikey whined.

“Do you think you could make more sense out of this, Dee?” Leo asked.

Don reached out for the book. He glanced over the words before taking a deep breath and picking up where he left off.

These findings possibly explain the mysterious disappearances of various individuals. A few rare instances showcase the subject reappearing in the main timeline years after the date they were reliving. Sadly, a few never find a way to leave and possibly live in this loop for the rest of eternity. Each subject has shown no signs of aging or physical changes upon entering the main timeline again. Though, some report signs of scarring while trapped within a loop from multiple deaths; however, these scars seem to leave the subject upon re-entry to the main timeline. These “Death Loops” are not common, but seem to be caused by some form of major emotional distress.

Death Loops vary from the average time loop in that the only way to restart the day is through death. Reports show a specific trigger action or phrase causes a freak accident to occur resulting in the death of the subject. Each instance is unique to the subject and appears to relate to how they ended up in the loop. For example, one subject reports getting into a fight with his father. Even though the fight would vary, the result ended in the death of the subject. Once the subject managed to prevent the fight, they re-entered the main timeline. Another subject reports having been in a car accident the day prior resulting in the death of a friend. In this instance, the subject reported feelings of guilt and upon blaming themselves for their friend’s death, ended up dying shortly after. The latter is more difficult to escape since there is no physical event to prevent, but upon proper self-reflection, it is possible to escape.

Don let out a frustrated sigh. Obviously, the fight between Leo and Mikey wasn’t the trigger; otherwise, he’d already be dead. It seemed the physical triggers needed to involve him specifically. So, he was stuck in the latter case? Did he feel guilty? Maybe. That could be it.

“Do you have something?” Raph asked. “You have that look on your face.”

“I… I don’t know,” his voice was hoarse. He took a sip of tea before trying again. “I haven’t seen a physical trigger. I thought at first it could have been the fight between Mikey and Leo, but I’ve prevented that. It’s possible there’s some…” he trailed off. Leo glanced over the page again pointing his finger along the paragraphs.

“Guilt? Feelings of guilt? What would you have to feel guilty about?” Don thumbed the pages staring blankly at the words. Of course, solving this would involve him actually talking about his feelings. “You can talk to us, Dee! If… if this book is right, we won’t even remember this tomorrow.”

“I know this isn’t easy,” Splinter spoke gently, scooting a little closer to Donatello. “But we are willing to listen to you. It would be better to discuss this while we are aware of the situation rather than wait to explain it again.”

Donatello was silent as he went over his options. As much as he hated to admit it, Splinter was right. But in a way, it was kind of freeing. They wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow. For once, there’d be no repercussions.

“I messed up,” he finally choked out. “I lost control of my weapon and screwed up the mission. You… you were right.”

“I… Donnie, no. I was just mad I shouldn’t have… I…” Leo paused. “I shouldn’t have blamed you. Missions don’t always go our way.”

“Exactly!” Raph added. “So your staff sent me and Mikey flying out of the fight! We all know I’ve smashed plenty of important stuff that derailed the mission! We all have!”

“We haven’t lost yet!” Mikey grinned. “There are still plenty of pieces of the dark armor out there we can get!”

“And a part of me knows that!” Donnie groaned, burying his head in his hands.

“I know what I said was wrong,” Leo offered as he placed a hand on Don’s shoulder. “And I really am… s-sorry.”

“Why did your weapon go flying?” Mikey asked tentatively.

“I…” Don thought back to the fight. What was only a day ago to them was weeks ago for him. Weeks of running the same scenario over in his mind trying to pinpoint what went wrong. What he did wrong. What he could have done better. “I… I don’t even know anymore,” he admitted. “I think Draxum knocked it out of my hands? Or maybe he hit me and it flew out of my hands? Or did it glitch and fly out when I went to hit him? I…” he squeezed his eyes shut as he placed his hands over his head. Why was this so hard?

“Woah! Hey! It’s okay, Dee! It doesn’t matter what happened,” Raph cooed as he moved to sit in front of his younger brother. “Shockingly, Mikey was right about one thing: we haven’t lost yet. This isn’t an easy fight and we’ve all made mistakes. We just need to work better as a team. It’s not on any one of us to win. That’s what makes us a team.”

Donnie took a deep breath as he tried to steady his shaking hands. His brothers waited patiently as he took a few more deep breaths.

“Please don’t blame yourself, Dee,” Mikey cried as he pulled Donnie into a hug.

“Just say the words, my Son,” Splinter said. “You would be surprised what that can do.”

“Say the words?”

“Yes. ‘It’s not my fault.’ Now you say it,” he gestured expectantly at Don.

“It’s,” he felt the words catch in his throat. Gritting his teeth, he tried to find a way around it.

“Maybe try signing it first if the words are too hard?” Leo suggested.

He clumsily pulled his hands away from his brother, who was currently suffocating him slightly, and fumbled over the signs.

“It is not my fault.”

“Okay, good. Now, sign it again. Until you can say it out loud.”

Donatello repeated the motions until he could stop processing what he was really signing. That’s when Splinter encouraged him to say the words out loud.

“It’s,” he started again. This time he was determined to push the words out of his throat. “N-not.”

“You’re doing good, Donnie!” Raph cooed as he rubbed the younger turtle’s back.

“M-m-my.”

“Almost there!” Mikey cheered.

“F-” he got stuck on the last word. He was so close.

“It’s not your fault, Dee,” Leo murmured. “Please.”

He took a deep breath and tried again.

“It’s… not… m-my… f-f-fault.” A weight fell from his chest. One he didn’t realize he had been carrying this whole time. “It’s… not my fault,” he repeated, almost laughing to himself at how much easier it was to say.

Arms wrapped around him from every angle. It all felt so freeing in a way he never thought of before and yet… his world came crashing around him as realization hit him. What if this wasn’t what was causing it? He thought he’d had the answers before and each time he was wrong he’d end up right back where he started. No. This couldn’t be it. It can’t be that simple.

“Don?” his name snapped him back to reality. Frantically glancing around the room, he found his whole family staring at him.

“What’s wrong, Buddy?” Raph asked.

“Wh-what if… that isn’t the answer?” he mumbled.

“Well, you’ve made it this far. That has to be a sign you’re doing something right.”

“Or I just haven’t triggered it yet. Or maybe I did trigger it already and it just hasn’t had time to act yet. Or I’m on the completely wrong track and I’ve just wasted a whole day.”

“Donnie-”

“-Not that it really matters. Time doesn’t seem to matter here. But what about my brothers? The ones waiting for me in my time! Maybe they think I’m already dead? I-I mean, Leo and I have this big argument and then I just disappear?!”

“Dee, please-”

“I mean! You guys probably think I killed myself or something! And in a way, I guess I have! Look at me! I’m just a complete mess! Who’s to say that stupid fight was the trigger? There’s no real way to be sure! I just what? Go 24 hours without dying?!”

“It’s okay, Dee! We’ll figure it out!”

“No!” Don pulled himself away from the pile, slowly backing away. “No. You won’t remember. You won’t remember! And who’s to say I’ll even be the same turtle when I get back? I’ve already started losing my damn mind! I can’t even remember how much coffee I’ve drank in a day anymore. I can’t keep track of all my stupid projects. I can’t even do a simple upgrade. All I have is my tech and I can’t get that right! I just… maybe this fight is the trigger. Maybe it is. Maybe I’ll get out of this loop and see my brothers again, but...” Donnie trailed off. What was he even saying? Was there any point to his ramblings?

“Donatello, please,” Splinter started, “I know this is all very scary right now. Just trust your family. Talk to us. Let us help you. The day isn’t over yet.”

“I…” he stared at his hands. They were trying so hard. Why couldn’t he just accept this? “I don’t know what to think anymore,” he admitted as tears stung at the corners of his eyes. “I’m supposed to know everything. I’m supposed to fix it. But I’m… I’m broken. Useless.”

“Don’t say that!” Leo stood and took a step toward Don, who only backed further away. “Dee! I’m sorry! It wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t!” Leo’s voice cracked. “Raph’s right. We’re a team. I went out there and just ate it. I looked like a complete amateur and…” he sniffed and wiped at his eyes before continuing. “I saw your staff go flying. I saw us all go flying. I blamed you because I…”

“Don’t say it,” Don muttered.

“Donnie, please!” Leo took another step forward.

Don stepped back again, hitting his back against the wall. Panicking, he jumped into the shelves next to him. Splinter’s “Do not touch” shelves cracked as Donnie fell into them. Various mystic objects fell to the floor. He closed his eyes as the world crashed around him. He threw his head back in a silent manic laugh, tears streaming down his face. What else should he expect?

Notes:

First time dropping an f-bomb here. Yes, I could just continue with the slow descent into madness, but I also want to go somewhere with this.

Chapter 9: You’re Scaring Me

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello stared at the ceiling for a moment before sliding out of bed and turning off his alarm. Crumbling to the floor, he stared at his own hands. Letting out a shaky breath, a soft sob escaped his lips. Curling further into himself, his body fell into wracking sobs. He was so close; he could feel it. And yet he seemed to be stuck in front of this huge obstacle in his mind. He was his own downfall. He was getting in his own way. He kept panicking and making things worse. Everything would be okay if he could just calm down and work out the problem! But unlike most scientific data, if his hypotheses were wrong, he died and had to start all over. It was like if he set his lab on fire every time one of his inventions failed. It was stupid and pointless and yet he couldn’t change it.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Glancing at the clock, he groaned and stood up. He couldn’t believe it was already time to deal with his stupid brothers. Taking a breath to brace himself, he cracked open the door.

“Um… I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out,” he mumbled.

Don glanced at the plate of food in his brother’s hand. The same old breakfast.

“Uh… well…” Mikey continued when Don didn’t speak, “I just thought I’d make you breakfast! I didn’t season the eggs and I made sure to butter the toast while it was still warm and went to the edges so it was soft like you liked it! I also have some salt just in case you were in the mood! I thought it might help, you know? It’s always good to eat something and I wanted to make sure you ate!” He held out the plate.

Sighing, Donnie opened the door a little more to grab the plate. He set it down next to him before signing a thank you to his brother.

“Can… can I come in, Dee? I just… I just want to talk.”

Don flinched at the request before signing “no” and closing the door. He stood there staring at the other side of the door waiting for his brother to leave. He stared blankly at his own hands again. His own stupid hands. The ones that were supposed to make those stupid projects. The stupid projects that just wouldn’t work! The stupid projects he couldn’t get right!

Letting out a scream, he pushed over his work table. Spare parts flew through the air before shattering against the wall. Ripping his computer off his desk he threw it against the wall before flinging the keyboard at the shattered pieces. He didn’t care! It was all useless junk anyway! Useless! Stupid! Junk! Lost in his rampage, he didn’t know he had company until arms wrapped around him. Screaming, he tried to bite his captor, but they held firm. No kicking or screaming seemed to be working. Desperation turned his rage back into sobs. Pathetic, hiccuping sobs.

The arms around him grew a little more gentle as the two of them sank to the floor. Donnie cried into his brother’s plastron as their hold grew into a warm hug. Soft hums and churs floated around him as if their own embrace. The soothing voice wormed its way through his fog, settling him in a way he hadn’t expected. Sniffling, he finally noticed where he was. Sitting in his big brother’s lap, he realized Raph was still humming. The vibrations almost putting him to sleep.

“What’s going on?” Raph asked gently once Donnie had mostly calmed down. He shook his head but made no move to leave, his entire body having turned into lead. Raph rocked back and forth as he rubbed the back of his shell. “You haven’t gotten dressed yet,” he pointed out. “Do you want help getting started?” Don shook his head again. “Is this okay? Do you want me to stop?” Another shake of his head and Raph gave him a small squeeze. “Okay. We can just sit here.” The two sat in silence, Raph rubbing circles on his shoulder.

Don closed his eyes, thinking back to when they were young. Mikey spent most nights in Dad’s room. Leo and Don shared a bed, since Leo was always clingy, but Raph didn’t like sleeping alone. The three of them always ended up piling up together. Though he’d never admit it, he felt safe. Just trust me, okay? Or if you can’t trust me, tell Mikey or Raph. Just promise me you’ll tell someone! Talk to us! Leo’s voice rang in his head. He never talked to Raph alone. He was the only one who really gave him space. At least, until the rest of the family got involved.

“It’s… not my fault,” Donnie muttered to himself.

“Hm?”

“It’s not my fault,” he tried again.

“What isn’t your fault?”

“Last night.”

“Of course not!” Raph replied soothingly as he gave Donnie another squeeze. “Accidents happen sometimes. I know Leo was a bit of a jerk about it, but it’s not your fault.”

“I… I’m supposed to foresee all the problems with my tech. I should have stopped it before it hit you and Mikey! I should have paid more attention!”

“Raph’s the big brother, Donnie. Leave worrying about the plan going wrong to me.”

“I know we don’t win every fight. I’m not worried about that! I’m worried about my tech! It’s not good enough!” Don wriggled free as he walked toward the broken electronics scattered on the floor. “I can’t get my coding right for this new update on our security system! I haven’t even started on the upgrades for the tank! The stupid rockets on my tech bo keep glitching!” Donnie grabbed his tech bo as he spoke. Raph quickly grabbed the staff from his hand, placing it on the desk nearby.

“Is that why you wrecked your lab?”

“What? This junk?” he gestured to pieces at his feet. “It’s fine. They aren’t even real.”

“They aren’t… what? What do you mean? They aren’t real?”

“I mean, they are, but they weren’t going to stay anyway. It doesn’t matter what I do. Everything will be back to normal when I wake up again.”

“Are you okay?” Raph asked as he pressed a hand to Donnie’s head.

“I’m not sick!” Don growled as he swatted Raph away from him.

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry!” Raph held his hands up before taking a deep breath and lowering them again. “Can you just… explain to me what’s going on?”

Don glanced around at his trashed lab before looking back at his brother and letting out a sigh. He didn’t necessarily promise Leo he’d talk but it might be worth a shot. It wasn’t like things could get any worse.

“I… I’m stuck in a time loop,” he muttered, refusing to look up from the floor. “I can’t exactly explain it, but… this book I read said something about feelings of guilt? I don’t know. Last time you guys wanted me to say out loud the loss we took wasn’t my fault. And rationally I know that it isn’t! A lot of stuff goes wrong, it happens! It’s all so fuzzy, I can’t even remember if my bo glitched or if it was knocked out of my hand, or what!”

“It was knocked out,” Raph mumbled. “Raph saw it.”

“You… saw it?” Don finally looked up to see Raph staring at him with those same soft eyes he held for all of his brothers.

“I was actually running to help you before Mikey flew into me,” Raph chuckled nervously at the last part. “But it doesn’t really matter. We all know we’ve had our fair share of trouble with our mystic abilities! Remember our first fight with Draxum? You were the only one who didn’t screw up.”

“Until Mikey rammed into me,” Don muttered, rolling his eyes.

“He has a habit of doing that,” Raph chuckled a little more fondly and Donnie couldn’t help but reciprocate. They stood in silence for a moment before Raph cleared his throat. “So, what exactly did this book say? Is it anything like that weird one that appeared on our living room floor this morning?”

“What?!” Don gasped.

“Yeah, there’s just some mystic book on our floor by the couch. Dad tripped on it- Wh- wait! Donnie!” Raph floundered as Donnie ran out of the room.

The two stumbled into the living room where Don found the book sitting right where he’d left it. How was it still here?

“That… that’s it! That’s the book!” Don cried as he ran to grab it. “How is it still here?!”

“Hey! I am watching my shows! Can’t you- Woah! What happened to you?!” Splinter shouted. Don thumbed over the pages of the book, flipping through until he found the eleventh chapter. “Chapter 11: Time Loops. Not much is known about time loops as only a few are able to break the cycle-” This was it! This was the book!

“Donatello!” Don jumped and looked around to see the others staring at him. When did Leo and Mikey get here? Shaking his head, he turned to Raph.

“This is what I was telling you about! This is the book!” Don shouted excitedly as he waved it in the air.

“That’s… that’s good,” Raph started slowly. “But we’re a little more concerned about all those markings you have.”

Don looked down at his arms before waving them off, “It’s fine, they aren’t permanent.”

“What are they from?!” Mikey asked.

“Past deaths,” he answered coolly as he glanced over the book. “But once I leave this loop, they should go away. At least… that’s what the book says.” Don pointed to the specific passage before turning the book to show his brothers. “See?”

“Okay, wait! Past deaths? Loops? Magic books? Can you back up a bit and explain?” Leo whined.

“It’s a time loop,” Don stated simply. “I die in each one and then start the day over. But this book carried over from the last loop! I wonder if it’s some kind of magic property? Maybe it was meant to handle travelling through time? How would that work?”

“Focus, Donnie!” Raph stated sternly. “We might need a little more to go on.”

“I…” Don shook his head again. “No, let me finish reading the book first. I’ll come back to you guys after that, okay?”

“Why don’t you sit out here? I can clean up your lab for you if you want?” Raph offered.

“It’s fine, I’ll just read in my bed,” Don shrugged as he walked toward his room.

“I’d feel a little better if you weren’t alone right now,” Raph spoke gently as he placed a hand on Donnie’s shoulder. “Your lab is a safety hazard right now. Just read out here.”

Don glanced at all of the others before turning to look at his older brother. “Can I at least grab my headphones?”

“Sure,” Raph gestured toward his lab. Letting out a sigh, Don walked forward, Raph following closely behind. He grabbed his spider shell and threw on his mask and gear before placing his headset over his head. Raph waited patiently, but refused to let Donnie stay in the room alone. Glaring at the shattered tech on the floor for a moment, Don caved and left the room. It didn’t really matter if he got hurt again, did it? He hadn’t tested whether other wounds would transfer to the next loop. It might be better to consult the book before testing that theory.

Donatello made himself comfortable and found his place in the book. He shook his head as he tried to focus on the words in front of him, the adrenaline from all his emotions fading. The words swam off the page, his head nodding. Shaking his head again, he squinted to better focus on the words in front of him, which only earned him a headache. Why was this so hard? Wait, where was his coffee? Getting up, he walked to the kitchen to find the pot empty. Of course. He started a pot before sitting back down and trying to read again.

Don woke up to hushed voices around him. When did he fall asleep? Groaning as he pulled himself from his awkward position, half sprawled out on the floor, he found his brothers nearby talking to April. They glanced in his direction the moment he was up and April nodded to the others before coming to join him. The others hesitated for a moment before leaving the room. She slid down next to him, waiting for Don to catch his bearings.

“How long was I out?” He grumbled as he rubbed the tired out of his eyes.

“About six hours? No one wanted to bother you.”

“My coffee’s probably cold by now.”

“Probably,” she patted his shell, “but we can warm it up for you.”

“What are you doing here?” Don asked finally.

“I can’t visit my friends?” She raised a brow at him skeptically, as if daring him to oppose.

“You didn’t in any of the other loops. Well,” he furrowed his brow as he tried to remember, “maybe a few.”

“We’re worried about you, Dee. This isn’t like you,” April sighed. “You destroyed your lab, you're covered in cuts and bruises, you’re acting all crazy, and then you passed out. We’re just a little concerned.”

“Coffee,” Don tried to stand, but April put a hand on his shoulder.

“Mikey,” April called out, grabbing the young box turtle’s attention. “Can you grab us some coffee?”

“Yeah! Sure thing!” He grinned before heading toward the kitchen.

“Now, talk to me, Big guy,” she said as he released Don from her grip. “What’s going on?”

“I already told them!” He huffed. “I’m in some sort of time loop or something.” Don collected the book from the floor before handing it over to April. “Leo and I went to the mystic library on the last loop and got this book. I haven’t finished reading it yet, but I know I’m close to figuring this out! The book travels with me so it should be easier to figure this out!”

“Do you think any of these time spells or rituals would help?” She asked as she flipped to the chapter in question.

“I haven’t gotten that far. I was just reading the chapter on time loops,” he explained as he leaned in to read over April’s shoulder.

”Two warm coffees!” Mikey cheered as he entered the room. Don jumped at the sudden noise causing April to laugh.

“Thanks,” Don mumbled to his brother as he shot April a glare.

She ignored him as she grabbed her own mug and turned back to the book. “Ooh! Τhey have a spell that lets you relive a day from your memory!”

“I’m already reliving today, I don’t need another one.”

“Not everything’s about you,” she stuck her tongue out at him as she gave him a light push.

“Scoff! You came to see me!”

“I came because you were freaking out your brothers!”

“Oh please, it’s not that hard to do. Last week they were freaking out because I got a new toaster.”

“This wasn’t ‘freak over Donnie’s cool tech.’ This was ‘Donnie looks like he hasn’t slept in a week again.’ And you really do look like shit. How much sleep did you get last night?”

“I…” he paused as he thought back to the day this all started. “I don’t remember,” he muttered. “The day starts with my alarm going off. I don’t remember the last time I actually slept before this. But I don’t feel any more tired than usual. At least,” he held up his mug and took a sip, “as long as I’ve had my coffee.”

There was quiet between them as April flipped through the book and they both sipped on coffee. “So you’re really stuck in some kind of time loop?” April finally asked.

“Did you think I was crazy?” Donnie asked. “Kind of! At least that’s how the others made it seem! You destroyed your lab!”

“It’s not permanent! It’ll all be back to normal ‘tomorrow.’ But… you won’t remember any of this,” Don stared at the last few drops of coffee in his mug, letting out a small sigh. “But hey! At least no one will remember any of the stupid shit I say or do! I can get away with anything!”

“Then you should have no problems telling me why you broke everything in your lab!”

Donatello finally looked at her again. He knew that smile. He wasn’t getting out of this. Letting out a sigh, he set his mug on the floor and turned to better look at his friend.

“I… I can’t get any of my stupid tech right!” he finally burst. “I was stuck on the stupid coding for days and couldn’t solve it! I always rely on my tech when fighting but when that fails, what do I have left? I am nothing without my tech! I’m useless to them if I can’t get it right! And I’ve just been failing! I’m just… useless. I’m-”

“If you say you’re useless again, I’m going to smack you,” April warned. “Raph warned me about the fight you and Leo had but damn! I didn’t know it messed you up this bad!”

“Please,” Don scoffed. “Mikey and Leo are always making jokes about replacing me. They say all kinds of shit about me, it was only a matter of time before-” He froze.

“Donnie?” April asked. “What’s going on?”

“That’s it!” he cried.

“What’s it?!”

“It was only a matter of time before something like this happened! That had to be the trigger! But wait, I’m not reliving that day, I’m reliving today,” Don rambled. “Guilt! The book said something about guilt. But I don’t feel guilty about that conversation.”

“Where did you read that?”

Don flipped to the page in question before standing to pace while April read the passage.

“It doesn’t necessarily say guilt is a trigger. Just strong negative emotions. Could how you’ve been feeling about yourself be a trigger?”

Don froze mid step as her words sank in before finding himself sinking with them.

“I… I never thought about that,” he whispered to himself. “I thought it might have been related to my performance yesterday.”

“Maybe, but you’ve all screwed up fights before. You guys always bounce back from those,” April said as she scooted closer to him. “But you’ve always had these bad thoughts about yourself. Hearing someone else voice them might have been enough to trigger this loop.”

“No. No. That’s so… that doesn’t make sense!” Don growled weakly, his voice breaking.

“Do you want to try looking through the book more?”

He shook his head. He knew he should properly consult the book, but it was so… irritating. Could solving this really depend on dealing with his own self-hatred? The two sat in silence while April rubbed his arm. He could finally hear his brothers in the other room. Yelling. There was yelling again.

“Oh, shit!” Donnie scrambled to his feet before running to the next room. Why was the argument happening now? He was so close! Wait! Why are you running toward the fight?!

Don stopped just inside the doorway as realization hit him. Steel flashed in front of him, proving his stupidity. Maybe April was right. Maybe his own hatred was his downfall.

Notes:

He finally figured it out! Some of you guys did end up guessing the trigger! Congrats!

Chapter 10: Difficult Conversations

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello turned off his alarm before grabbing his phone. April helped him figure this out before, she can do it again. If anyone knew what to do, it’d be her! Pulling up her number, he called her cell.

“Donnie?” a hoarse voice answered on the other side.

“April! I need you to come to the lair!”

There was a brief pause. “It’s five o’clock in the morning! Why are you calling me?!”

“Please, April! It’s an emergency!”

“Like ‘a mutant is tearing up the city emergency’ or ‘we just ran out of ice cream and need someone to buy us more emergency?’”

“I am literally going to die if you don’t get your ass down here kind of emergency.”

“So am I bringing food or-”

“April! I’m not joking! I was crushed by the tank and electrocuted before! Death is coming for me! I’m going to die later unless you help me!”

“You were what?!” April screeched followed by crashing sounds. “Are you under the tank right now?!”

“No, I’m in my room. This happened some other time.”

“Are you okay?!”

“Physically, yes. But… April, it’s important and I don’t want to do this over the phone.”

“Okay! Okay! I’m on my way! You better make me some coffee!”

“Yeah,” he let out a small nervous laugh as she hung up.

Taking a deep breath, Don walked over to his coffee maker and started brewing a pot. He checked his desks and lab tables for another clean mug before giving up. He thought about going to the kitchen, but he didn’t want to risk sparking the argument this early. Pulling out his phone, he texted April to grab her own mug and the book from the living room. It had to still be there, right?

The hissing of the coffee machine filled the room as he paced the all too small space. Scratching his arm, he checked his phone. 5:06. No texts. No notifications. Shaking hands poured him a cup of coffe, taking an unsteady sip of the warm beverage. Closing his eyes and taking in the bitter aroma surrounding him, he tried to quell the ticking in his eye. Back to pacing the room, he checked his phone again. 5:07. No texts. No notifications.

Throwing his head back with a strangled groan, he flopped onto the floor. Part of him wanted to call or text April to see how far she was, but he knew it would be counter productive. She may not have even left her apartment yet. Banging his head lightly on the floor, he focused on his breathing and the textures underneath him. The floor was cool, sending slight shivers down his spine. His lab was almost always kept clean. He made sure S.H.E.L.D.O.N. at least dusted and vacuumed. Don took care of his lab tables since there was almost always a project in the works.

Twisting onto his side, Don scrolled through his phone. He didn’t bother interacting with any of the posts he saw. It wouldn’t matter once he left. How much was he missing back in his timeline? The whole world was moving on without him. All while he’s trapped here. Alone. 

How many of the people he followed posted new content? Jupiter Jim fan art and animatics. Wild fan theories and head cannons. Atomic Lass fanfictions. So many different interactions he was missing out on.

How many different meals did Mikey make? More than eggs and toast. More than left over pizza. Sandwiches, pasta, even different pizzas. Or just take out: Chinese, Mexican, a different pizza. Something more than the same old leftovers.

How many fights did his brothers engage in without him? New mutants running rampant.  Draxum and the Foot could have completed the dark armor. Could the Shredder be back by now? And they had to fight without him. 

How many updates did the lair need? It should be okay without him for the most part, but it needed frequent updates! 

“Donnie?” The soft-shell shot up at the sound of his name. April was kneeling next to him now. When did she get here? Glancing around his lab, he realized where he was again. “What’s going on, Big Guy?” April asked as she sat down. Staring at his own shaking hands, he took a few deep breaths to steady himself before sitting up and leaning against the wall. April waited patiently. “Have you had any coffee yet?” she asked softly when Donnie didn’t move to answer. He nodded. “Did you want a refill?” he nodded again as April stood up and walked to his coffee pot. She dumped the remains between the two mugs before starting another pot and joining Donnie on the floor again.

She offered him the mug and the two sat in silence, soaking in the warmth of the dark liquid. Taking in a lung full of the bittersweet aroma, Don finally turned to his friend.

“I… I’m in trouble,” he muttered.

“I kind of figured that out when I saw you panicking on the floor,” April chuckled dryly. “Have you told your brothers?”

“Technically, yes. But also no,” he said nervously. “I’m stuck in this… time loop. I’ve told them in past cycles but not this one. So… they don’t know about it currently.”

“A time loop?”

“Yes, more specifically a death loop. I keep dying and starting over. Last loop, you came over and we talked. We might have figured it out, but I need your help!”

“You… you’re asking me for help?”

“That’s what I just said!” He scoffed.

“I… I know, I just… I’ve never heard you ask for help before.”

“Well, once you die over and over again for a few weeks straight, you’re willing to try anything.” He took another sip of his coffee and let out a soft hum. “Did you bring the book?”

“Oh, right!” April crawled to his door before grabbing the book and repositioning herself next to him. “I dropped it when you didn’t respond the first couple of times.”

“Oh,” he muttered softly as he took the book in his hands. He ran his hand along the binding before opening to the right page and passing it along. “This is what we have so far,” he started as he pointed to the right passage. “It seems time loops can be caused by some strong negative emotions by some sort of traumatic event. Leo and I got in a major argument last night and he voiced some… rather unpleasant things. And I… uh… well…” he wrung his hands as he tried to form the words.

“Does this have something to do with hating yourself?” April asked after a moment.

“Maybe?” He mumbled with a shrug. “At first, I thought it was because of my poor performance in yesterday’s fight, but you said we’ve all messed up fights before and always bounce back. You didn’t think it was strong enough.”

“That sounds like me,” she smirked.

A tentative knock at the door caught their attention.

“That’s Mikey with breakfast. If I don’t leave my room he checks to make sure I’m awake by bringing me eggs and toast. Then he tries to get me to talk about last night,” Don explained as he stood up.

“How long have you been in this loop?”

“Long enough to know his exact words are going to be ‘Um, I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out.’ And then he will describe the breakfast he made: unseasoned eggs with buttered toast. And then ask to come in. Observe!”

Don opened the door to a surprised Mikey.

“Um… I wasn’t sure if you were up. I didn’t see you come out,” he started.

“Yes,” Donatello responded. “I’m awake.”

“Uh… well…” Mikey continued,  “I just thought I’d make you breakfast! I didn’t season the eggs and I made sure to butter the toast while it was still warm and went to the edges so it was soft like you liked it! I also have some salt just in case you were in the mood! I thought it might help, you know? It’s always good to eat something and I wanted to make sure you ate!” He held out the plate.

“Right, thank you, Michel,” Don said as he set the plate down.

“Can… can I come in, Dee? I just… I just want to talk,” Mikey stated after a moment.

“I’m talking to April right now,” he said.

“April?” Mikey peeked his head into the room and April gave him a small wave.

“When did you get here?”

“Dee called me at like five this morning!”

“Five? Did you get any sleep last night?!” Mikey asked.

“Yes! My alarm always goes off at five! I have a lot to do! Now go! I’ll call you if I need you!” Don shooed his brother away from the door before slamming it closed, flinching at the unexpected noise. That was a little harder than he expected.

“Damn,” April shook her head, “that was crazy accurate.”

“Do you want it?” Don held out the plate for her. “I’m not really hungry.”

“When’s the last time you ate?” She asked. “And coffee doesn’t count!” She added as Don lifted his cup.

“Fine!” He rolled his eyes. “I honestly can’t remember, but it’s like my body resets at the start of each loop anyway. So technically speaking, ‘yesterday.’”

“Why is all of this so complicated?”

“I don’t know!” Don groaned as he sat back down.

April took the plate from him as she pulled out her phone.

“What do you really want for breakfast, Dee?”

“I promise I’ll eat lunch if we switch the topic back to my situation.”

“Deal,” she said as he slid her phone back in her pocket. “So, you think that all of this has something to do with hating yourself?”

“I don’t know,” he muttered again. “I’m really hoping it isn’t, but if it were…” he trailed off.

“Well, what did Leo say last night?” April prompted as she studied Donnie.

He was silent for a moment, studying his hands. Letting out a sigh as he picked at a hangnail, “he… said I rely too much on my tech. And… maybe he’s right. I just… I feel useless without it.”

“Donnie! You’re the smartest guy I know! Your tech is a product of you and your big brain! It doesn’t define you, you define it! And we all know you’re working yourself too hard! You need to take a few moments to just breathe and take care of yourself sometimes! I mean when’s the last time you got a proper night’s rest? Or eaten a real meal?” she asked as she picked up a granola bar wrapper.

Don was silent as he stared at the wrapper in her hand. He let out a small sigh and shook his head.

“The world is full of mystics and I don’t know anything about them! My brothers-”

“You don’t need mystics! You’re a strong fighter, Dee! You keep up with your brothers without mystics! You all have your own place on the team. The guys need you just as much as you need them! Even if you didn’t though, you’re still a family, right? Who cares about the rest?”

“I do! I want to have a place on this team! I need to know I can help my brothers! That… I’m enough for them. But… if my tech fails, then… then I fail. I fail my brothers.”

April wrapped an arm around him, pulling him into a hug. “I don’t think your brothers think you’re a failure, Dee. What did they say to you when you talked to them before?”

“Leo said he just took out his own emotions on me, but he’s already apologized quite a few times in the other loops. I know he’s sorry. I know he doesn’t hate me. Mikey and Dad come to check on me each loop. It’s gotten kind of annoying, actually. Raph is Raph, he only really blames us when we make a big mistake, like not showing up for the mission. And rationally, I know it’s just stupid, but… Raph is the big brother. He’s the strongest and the leader of the team. Mikey’s the youngest, so obviously he’s the favorite. And Leo and I are just kind of… in the middle? I don’t know. Sometimes it’s more like we’re just trading who’s the least favorite. At least I set up the projector so I have a little edge over him.”

“I don’t pick favorites,” April pulled Donnie closer, nearly knocking him over completely.

“Hey!” he protested, but she just squeezed him tighter.

“As the oldest of all you dorks, I get to decide the hierarchy! And you’re up there, Buddy. You’re all the best in my eyes,” she grinned.

“We can’t all be the best,” Don rolled his eyes.

“Hey,” she grabbed his face and squished his cheeks as she looked him in the eyes. “I’m trying to be inspirational here. I’d appreciate it if you’d shut up and listen for a minute! You’re so wrapped up in your own doubt you can’t see your own worth!”

“I kind of guessed that on my own,” he muttered.

“I bet you can’t even say one nice thing about yourself!” she said as she let go of him and crossed her arms, her eyes daring him to prove her wrong.

“I feel like I did. I set up the projector which makes me just a little better than Leo,” he smirked.

“That doesn’t count!” she huffed. “Say something good about you. Something that doesn’t involve your tech!”

“What?! I can’t include my tech?!”

“No! That defeats the whole purpose!”

“But-”

“You’re more than your tech, Dee,” April spoke gently as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

Leaning his head back against the wall, he processed her words. Staring at the cold machinery in front of him as he breathed in the faint smell of coffee, he thought over his own traits. Did they have to be true? Maybe not, but he wasn’t the best at lying.

“You’re not a bad dancer,” April offered.

“I am an excellent dancer!” Don scoffed. 

“That wasn’t so hard was it?” April smirked.

He stared at her. 

“Dancing? Really?” he asked.

“It doesn’t have to be some big life changing trait. Just something, anything, nice you can say about yourself.”

“Well, glad we got that over with then,” he rolled his eyes.

“Nope! Four more!”

“You said one thing! That was one thing!”

“Yeah! And I gave it to you! Think for yourself!”

Don grumbled to himself as he wracked his brain. Something small?

“I have the best style among my brothers,” he smirked.

“Okay~” April started. “That’s a start. Three more.”

“I can count, geez,” he rolled his eyes again with a smirk. “Are we counting my good looks?” He placed a hand to his chin and April laughed.

“I’ll give it to you this once.”

“Whoo!” he laughed.

“That still leaves two more!”

Chewing on his tongue, he glanced around his lab. “Oh! I’m very clean!” he said as he ran his finger along the spotless floor.

“That’s a good one!”

“What else?” he clicked his tongue. “Just one more, right?”

“Right.”

“Um,” he squeezed his eyes shut as he thought over what he had so far. “Um… well. I may not be as good as Mikey, but I’m not a bad cook?” he offered.

“Sure that works,” she shrugged. “Want to know what you missed?”

“Are you grading me?” he scoffed.

“No, you did good,” she praised him as she scooted a little closer. “But there are more important traits you missed.”

“That have nothing to do with my tech?”

“Right,” she nodded. “You love your brothers. You’ll do anything to protect them. And we all see it. They know how much you love them, even if you don’t always say it.”

His playful smile fell as he stared at the floor, soaking in her words. His face softened into a fond smile. He’d never say it out loud, but he was happy they knew.

“I guess that’s true,” he said.

“You guess? You don’t have to be useful to be loved, Dee. You’re one of my best friends! I love you for who you are.”

“Yeah, okay,” he grumbled as an embarrassed blush dusted his cheek. “Just don’t ever say that again.”

“What? Only Raph can say it?” she teased.

“Oh shut up!” Don shoved her away as he stood up.

She laughed as he made his way to his coffee pot for a refill. They stayed in content silence for a moment before April stood and joined him by the pot.

“Are you feeling any better now?” she asked.

“I… I think so?” he admitted sheepishly.

“Good!” she smiled. “Let’s see if we can get Splints to give up the TV for a movie!” she said.

April headed for the door and paused when she noticed he had made no move to leave.

“You coming, Dee?”

“I… I don’t know,” he muttered.

“What do you mean?” April asked as she took a step closer to him.

“What if it wasn’t broken?” he breathed.

“What?” 

“The loop! How am I supposed to know if it’s broken or not?”

“I guess we just have to make it to the end of the day to find out,” April smiled softly as she gently grabbed his wrist. “But you shouldn’t keep yourself locked up in your lab all day. Let’s go be with the fam!”

Letting out a soft sigh, he allowed April to lead him into the common rooms before a flash of steel played in his mind. His entire body froze, April jerked to a stop at the sudden change.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

The room grew brighter. Sounds drifted and danced around him. Mikey was humming in the kitchen. Leo’s skateboard against the ramp. Splinter’s Japanese gameshow. The metal clanging of Raph’s weights. No. No. No. It was too much. Yanking his arm out of April’s grip, he took a few steps back.

“Donnie?” she tried again, a little softer.

He only shook his head in response as he tried to get his breathing under control. Taking a few more steps back, he curled in on himself, dropping to the floor. Why was the world so loud? Cranking up his headset to block out the noise, he could feel his chest getting tighter. No. No. Breathe. Just breathe.

“April?” Mikey’s voice floated toward him. Don shot his head up to see Mikey approaching the two. “Hey,” he cooed. “What’s going on, Dee?” He knelt down next to Donnie making sure to keep a good distance.

“ Fight, ” he signed.

“Fight?” Mikey clarified. Don nodded and Mikey turned to April who just shrugged. “Okay, can you take a deep breath for me, Big Dee?”

Donnie did as he was told to the best of his ability. They waited patiently as Don tried to get his breathing under control. Mikey is here. He’s right here. There can’t be an argument if he’s here. The day isn’t over yet. Finally able to take a proper breath, he turned to his brother again.

“Please don’t fight,” he signed.

“Yeah,” Mikey said gently. “I can do that.”

“How about Mikey joins us in watching a movie?” April offered. “What do you think, Mike?”

“Yeah! We can watch Jupiter Jim’s Pluto Vacation 4 if you want! I can go ask Dad to let us use the TV!” Donnie grabbed his younger brother’s wrist as Mikey stood up to leave. He glanced at Don’s hand before giving the soft-shell a small smile and helping him stand up. “We can go talk to Dad together if that makes you feel better?” Giving his brother a nod, Don followed Mikey into the living room. 

“Do you want me to invite Leo and Raph to join us?” April asked.

“Sure,” Don signed.

April gave him a nod before turning to find the two she had mentioned.

“Are you sure you want Leo to join us? It’s okay if you need time away-”

“It’s okay, he didn’t mean it, ” Don signed to him. “He’s sorry. ”

“He… he already apologized to you?” Don nodded. “When?”

“Earlier .”

“I… okay. As long as you guys made up,” Mikey chuckled dryly.

Don just nodded, a small smile growing on his face causing Mike to match. The two walked into the living room where Splinter lay on his favorite chair watching his shows. He turned to face them as they entered the room.

“Purple?” He asked, sitting up. “What happened to you? You look like crap!”

“Bad day,” he signed.

“We were actually hoping we could watch a movie!” Mikey stepped forward with enthusiasm. “Do you mind if we borrow the TV?”

“Just the two of you?” Splinter asked.

“The whole fam!” April said excitedly as she entered the room. “Including you, Splints! Raph and Leo are making the popcorn now!”

“Well,” Splinter mused, “how can I say no to that?”

“I’m going to set up the movie,” Mikey said as he brought Donnie to a chair. “Do you want me sit with you when I’m done?”

Don nodded as he made himself comfortable.

“Scoot,” April said as she plopped down next to him. Don made enough room for April to squeeze in and the two got comfortable. Raph and Leo entered the room shortly after Mikey finished setting up. They both pulled up seats close to the pair and Mikey settled in beside Don. Splinter smiled fondly before joining his children in the movie. 

Taking in a deep breath, he smiled to himself, enjoying the moment. As the room filled with colorful displays from the projector above them, he found himself drifting off. Finally content.

Chapter 11: Just Be Here, Please

Notes:

I had to finish writing it but I did it!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello awoke with a start. Slamming his hand on his alarm, he searched his room. No. No. No ! He had solved it! Right? Right ? He had to have solved it! He never called himself useless! He was happy! He was content! He didn’t even remember dying! Falling to the floor, he curled into a ball. He had called April. He let himself be so vulnerable. He opened up for once. Why didn’t that work? Why was he still here?! Hot tears streamed silently down his face.

“Donnie?” Don shot his head up to see S.H.E.L.D.O.N. hovering in front of him. S.H.E.L.D.O.N. spun in a circle before bolting forward. “It’s you!” He exclaimed.

“Y-yeah, of course, it is,” Don sniffled.

“Where were you?!” he asked.

“Where… was… I?” Don repeated as he grabbed his phone. Hands shaking, he braced himself before powering it on. Eyes widened as he saw the date. It had been almost two months. Two months. But the day was different. He glanced up to see a thin layer of dust over his machines. He gasped before scrambling to his feet, S.H.E.L.D.O.N. falling behind him. Running out of his lab, he immediately headed for the living room. Flying into the open space, he found his father sitting in his usual chair. Splinter didn’t move, his face staring solemnly at the projected screen in front of him.

“Dad?” Donnie asked.

Shooting his head up, Splinter fell out of his chair. Scrambling to his feet, he finally caught a look at Donnie.

“Donatello?” He breathed, tears forming in his eyes. “My son! You are home!”

Don let out a strangled cry as he fell to his knees. Splinter ran and hugged him. Loud crashing ensued around the house before his brothers came barreling into the room.

“DONNIE!” Mikey cried as he joined their hug.

“Where have you been?!” Raph asked, falling down next to them.

“Donnie! I’m sorry!” Leo breathed, his head falling on Don’s shoulder. “I never should have said what I did. Please! I’m so sorry!”

“I… I know,” Don sobbed as he wrapped an arm around Leo. “I… I know you are.”

“Donnie, where have you been?” Raph asked. “We were worried sick about you!”

Don just shook his head. Just be here. Just let him stay here. Let it be a dream.

“Are you hungry?” Mikey asked as he grabbed Don’s face. “Have you eaten recently?”

“I’m fine, Angelo!” Don muttered. “Later.”

“You aren’t hurt or anything?” Splinter asked, taking one of Donnie’s arms in his hands. “Maybe we should take you to the MedBay just in case? Get you checked out.”

“Not now, Dad,” Don whined. “Please.”

“We don’t have to go anywhere now,” Splinter gave his arm a pat before returning to their hug.

The group fell into a comfortable quiet only broken by quiet cries and sniffles. He didn’t know how long they sat there but he didn’t care. He was home. His real home in his time. He was with family. Could this be a dream? No. No. It felt so real. He was home. His real home. His family was here. How could he be sure? Did it really matter right now? Just enjoy this moment. This one little moment. What if you die again? Will you start over? He squeezed his brothers tighter, taking in the small details. Their scutes against his scales. Their breath on his neck and arms. The weight of their love around him. It had to be real.

It felt like hours before the group finally started moving again, Splinter ushering him into the MedBay for tests. Donnie grumbled he was fine, but they wouldn’t hear it. Don found himself staring at his arms and hands while Leo checked over them. His clean hands. No scars. No proof. It was as if it never even happened. But he could remember it. A flash of steel. Hot metallic liquid filling his throat. Numbness. Emptiness. Then the alarm. His alarm. The stupid beeping reminding him he failed to survive another day. He’d have to change that.

“Dee?” Don looked up to see Leo staring at him. “There you are,” he chuckled nervously. “Can you squeeze my hands?”

“This is ridiculous,” Don rolled his eyes but still complied. “I’m fine, Leo!”

“I… I just want to be sure! You were missing for nearly two months and you haven’t told us where you were! We thought maybe you’d snuck out or something and Draxum had gotten to you! And then you just… you just appeared home.” 

Don was quiet as he continued following Leo’s instructions.

“I’m not hurt,” he uttered softly. “I promise.”

Leo let out a soft sigh before letting go of his hands and standing up straight.

“Yeah, okay,” he muttered sadly. “You don’t have to talk about any of this now, but… we’re here when you’re ready, okay?”

He just nodded, absentmindedly watching Leo work. An uneasy chill filled the room during the rest of the examination. Don was fine. The book was right. There was nothing physically wrong with him. He had to be in his correct time now. He had to be.

As soon as Leo cleared him, he insisted they sit and watch a movie. Don squirmed as his family doted on him. Mikey made him a sandwich and they called April down to join them for the movie. Staring at the food in front of him, he tried to remember the last time he actually ate something. MedBay. Choking. Touching. Too much. Scrambling out of the pile, Don took a few steps away from the group as he tried to calm himself. Breathe. Just breathe.

“Donnie?” Raph asked. “You okay?”

“N-n-no more t-touching,” he shook his head and hugged himself.

“Yeah, okay. That’s okay,” Leo cooed as he grabbed Donnie’s plate. “Do you want to finish the movie or would you rather be alone?”

“Alone,” he muttered as he took the sandwich from Leo.

“Okay,” Leo gave him a soft smile. “Let us know if you need anything, okay? We’ll check on you around dinner!”

Don nodded before heading back to his lab. Setting the plate down on his desk, he wiped off some of the dust before sitting down and powering on his computer. It had been so long since he’d actually done any work. Will it still be here tomorrow? Shaking his head, he went over the coding he had been working on before. Scouring the internet, he puzzled out the bits of code, only vaguely remembering where he had been. Why was he so hazy? Getting up, he made his way across his lab and cleaned off his coffee machine before brewing a pot. Taking a warm sip, he headed back to his seat and continued his work.

Testing various solutions, he leaned back with a groan. He was so close, he could feel it! But he was so tired of this project. Why was it so frustrating? Glancing at the clock, he realized he’d been at this for hours. Standing up and stretching, he looked around his lab, his eye catching a clean book on the floor. Right where he’d been sitting with April yesterday. His blood ran cold as he gingerly stepped toward the text. Taking a deep breath, he braced himself and turned over the cover. Dangers and Mishaps of Time. Collapsing onto the floor, he flipped through the pages. How was it still here? Was he still in the time loop? Was this day going to repeat now? Was he going to die again?

Closing his eyes, Don focused on his breathing. His hands continued to shake as he opened his eyes and reached for the book again. It was exactly the same as it had been yesterday. The same place it would have fallen when they left the room. Flipping through the pages, he found the eleventh chapter. He moved to sit by the wall before glancing at the shelves above him. Biting his lip, he scooted closer to the center of the room before reading. He skimmed past the pages he’d read before something toward the end of the chapter caught his eye.

Each subject reports feeling “off” the first 24 hours of returning to the main timeline. While there are no studies of subjects after immediately returning, a few researchers were able to speculate their time was in flux during this crucial period. A few concerned family members even reported their loved ones reappearing and then disappearing hours later. One subject reports having been through a time loop multiple times, each harder to exit. So long as the subject manages to avoid what caused the loop to begin with, it seems they are able to stay in the main timeline.

It was possible to go back? Taking another deep breath to steady himself, he closed the book and stood up. He just needed to get through today. He had until 5 am to keep himself together. Positive. Positive. Like April said. We just have to get through today. Sitting back down at his desk, he sipped his coffee. Pouring over his work, he allowed coding to consume his thoughts. Finally, finishing his coding, he updated the security system and checked for more bugs. He found a few more problems that popped up while he was gone and quickly set to work fixing them.

A knock echoed throughout the room, disrupting his thoughts. The door opened a moment later, Leo gave him a nervous smile before entering the lab.

“H-hey,” he started as he drew closer to Don’s desk. “Mikey wants to know what you want for dinner.”

“Oh,” Don glanced at the plate next to him. “I uh… I’m not… all that hungry.”

“I see,” Leo slid the plate a little closer to himself. “That’s… okay. Maybe something not as heavy? Like some juice?”

“Yeah! Juice is good,” Donnie flashed a small smile before turning back to his work.

“I’ll get that for you, then,” Leo said as he took the plate and left the room.

Getting back to his work, he managed to get a little done before a knock at his door interrupted him again. Leo walked in and set a large cup on his desk. Don stared at it for a second before turning back to his brother.

“Mikey insisted since you didn’t eat lunch you should have a bigger cup,” Leo shrugged. “It’s flavorless like you like it.”

“Thanks,” he said before taking a sip. Leo stood next to him fidgeting. Don gave him another look. “Did… did you need something?”

“I…” Leo laughed nervously before rubbing the back of his head. “I was hoping I could just… hang out? I know you probably want to be alone but… I’ve missed you and… I… I want to make sure we’re cool, you know? We didn’t exactly leave on the best of terms.”

“If you promise to keep my coffee full,” Don stated flatly as he gestured to one of the chairs around his work table.

“Okay!” Leo said quickly as he ran to the pot and drained it into Don’s mug before starting another one. He grabbed one of the chairs and scooted it over to the desk. “So… this means we’re cool, right?”

“Yeah,” Don rolled his eyes playfully. “We’re cool.”

They were silent as Don continued patching all of the bugs. Leo opted to scroll through his phone. Hours passed in content silence. Patching a good number of issues, Don finally leaned back in his seat and stretched.

“Ugh, your posture is terrible,” Leo pointed out. “It’s a wonder you don’t have serious back issues.”

“Please, Nardo! Have a little faith! My battle shells help me correct my posture,” he stated smugly.

“Then why aren’t you wearing one?”

Don glanced behind him to find his battle shells lined up against the wall. Glancing down at himself again, he realized he hadn’t gotten dressed yet. Was he really that out of sorts?

“Guess I haven’t gotten around to it, yet?” he shrugged. “Don’t really feel like it now.”

“Are you actually planning on going to bed soon?” Don stared at him over the rim of his coffee mug with a pointed look. “Of course not,” Leo sighed as Don took another sip. “If it helps you, why don’t you put it on?”

“Why do you care?” Don rolled his eyes, but still stood up to grab one.

Leo was silent while Don put on his shell and mask. After sitting back down, Leo finally let out a sigh.

“I was worried sick, Dee,” he muttered. “I thought… I thought you’d left because of me. I… I was stupid and angry and… I never should have said that to you!”

“I said we’re cool, Nardo,” Don huffed. “I know you were just mad. I get it. I do rely too much on my tech sometimes, and I’m… working on that.”

“I’m sorry, did you wind up in some psychiatric hospital?”

“No!”

“Did you figure all this out by yourself?!”

“In a way? It’s hard to explain.” Don fidgeted with his hands trying to think of what to say.

“You… you don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready,” Leo offered again. “But… I am still… worried. You were just gone. I’d feel a little better at least knowing where you were. You don’t have to go into details, I just-”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow, okay?” Don interrupted with a huff. “I just… need time to fully process everything. But you did your little check-up. I am unharmed.”

“Physically,” Leo muttered.

“I’m fine, Nardo!”

The two fell into an awkward silence. Don opted to go back to his work while Leo sighed before going back to his phone. Glancing at the clock, he realized it was just after midnight. Only a few more hours to go. Then he was free. Right?

Notes:

I ended up getting caught up in a few other projects so the updates might be a little slower. I still have some plans for this story, but it is almost done! Anyway, here's a picture of Donnie in a dress as a sorry! (Someone asked for this on Twitter)

Chapter 12: Talk to Me

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello turned off his alarm before turning back to his computer. Leonardo woke with a start, falling out of his chair. Groaning, the red-eared slider glanced around the lab before climbing back into his seat.

“Whatime is it?” Leo slurred.

“Five,” Don answered coolly.

“In the morning?!” he whined.

“Yes,” he rolled his eyes before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Did… did you get any sleep last night?”

“Go back to sleep, Nardo,” Don mumbled.

“Come to bed with me,” Leo whined.

“No. I’m busy.”

Leo grabbed Don’s hand and stood up, dragging his chair toward his bed. Don just sighed as he watched Leo pull him to the bed.

“Come on!” He smiled sleepily as he tried to pull Don out of his chair.

“Nardo! Not now!” Don growled. “You can use my bed, I don’t care. But I’m busy!” Don stood and dragged his chair back to his desk. “If you’re going to keep insisting on this, you can leave my room.”

Leo let out a small sigh before Don heard him climb into his bed. Straining his ears, he waited until he heard Leo’s soft steady breathing before getting up to make another round of coffee. How many did he have last night? Did it really matter? Why did he care? Shrugging it off, he made his way back to his desk to continue patching the bugs he’d found yesterday. He was actually surprised by his efficiency. A huge weight felt lifted off his shoulders knowing this would all stick. His work was permanent now.

Hours passed before Leo woke again, dragging himself out of Donnie’s bed. The two remained silent as Leo plopped himself in the chair again.

“Morning,” he chirped.

“It’s almost noon,” Don grumbled.

“But still morning!” he stated smuggly, placing his head on Don’s shoulder. “What ya working on?”

“Coding.”

“Have you had breakfast yet?”

“It’s almost time for lunch, Nardo.”

“So, no?” 

“No,” Don sighed.

“What do you want?” Leo asked as he stood up and stretched.

“I’m fine, Leo,” he mumbled.

“I could maybe bring you some toast?”

“No, thanks,” Don shuddered. “Maybe just a smoothie or something? Mikey knows what I like.”

“Um… sure. I can do that,” Leo gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before leaving the room.

Letting out a breath, Don turned back to his work. It wasn’t long before Leo returned with brunch for the two of them. Leo sat down again, leaning back in his seat.

“I think I’d like to get some work done alone, Leo,” Don muttered.

“You said we’d talk today,” Leo stared pointedly at him as he took a bite of pizza.

“Now?” he whined.

“Have you had time to process?”

Don was quiet for a moment as he grabbed the smoothie collecting condensation on his desk. “Yes,” he breathed before taking a sip.

“Where were you?” Leo asked cautiously as he set his plate down, leaning forward in his seat.

“It’s… it’s going to sound crazy,” Don mumbled.

“You were missing for two months, Dee. We’ve had enough crazy happen. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Taking another long sip of his smoothie, Don finally twisted his chair to face his brother.

“I… I was here,” he started quietly. “Just… not entirely here ? I was trapped in some sort of… time loop. Basically in my own branch of time before I managed to make it back to the main timestream.”

“Were you just… reliving our fight for two months?”

“The day after, actually,” Don corrected.

“How… how did you get back?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” he answered honestly. “It took a lot of time, but I was able to talk to you guys about some of it. April helped too.”

“So, we already talked about the fight in your loops?”

Don just gave him a nod as he picked at a hangnail. 

“No mutant sent you through time or anything? There’s no new evil warlords running around or anything?”

Don let out an amused scoff before picking up the book on his desk and handing it over. “This has some of the answers. It seemed to travel with me, I guess some sort of time spell? I don’t know. But I still have it here. You can look it over if you want?”

“You don’t need it?”

“Not anymore,” he shook his head.

Leo thumbed the spine on the book before look up at Don again. Quickly giving Donnie a hug, he stood up to leave.

“I’ll uh… let you get back to work. Just… if you want to talk about it, we’re always here!”

Don gave him another nod as he watched Leo turn and leave before going back to his computers. He remained in his room the rest of the day, choosing only to leave for the bathroom. After patching most of the bugs, he chose to work on some smaller components and blueprints in his lab. As much as he wanted to work on upgrades for the tank, he couldn’t get the sound of screeching metal out of his head. He was home. Nothing wanted to kill him anymore. So why did it want to kill him in the first place? He had a lot of self-esteem issues, sure, but to kill him until he faced his problems? It seemed so extreme. 

Leo came back around dinner with a few slices of pizza on a plate. Choosing to sit at the desk instead of moving to the lab table with him.

“I read the chapter on time loops,” he said quietly after a moment.

“Mhm,” Don answered absentmindedly as he worked.

“Was…” Don looked up as Leo fell silent to see him fidgeting with his own fingers. “Was I the trigger?” His voice was barely audible but just enough for Donnie to make out the words.

“Does it really matter?” he asked as he turned back to his work. “I got out anyway.”

“I just need to know!”

Don let out a sigh as he put his tools down.

“No, Leo, it wasn’t your fault. None of this was your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s.”

“Do you know what the trigger was?” he asked tentatively.

“I thought it might have been the fight at first, but it didn’t seem to change the outcome.”

“But do you know-“

“If I hadn’t figured it out I wouldn’t be here. Don’t worry about it anymore.”

“I just want to be sure it doesn’t happen again!”

“It won’t,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

Turning away from his brother, Don leaned over his work again. He could hear Leo fidgeting at his desk.

“Alright,” he sighed. “You don’t have to deal with all of this now, but… promise you’ll talk to us when you’re ready?”

“I’ll think about it,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” Leo breathed before leaving the room again.

Donnie froze as he waited for Leo to walk away before glancing at the food on his desk. Pizza. Hands. Touching. Can’t breathe. Squeezing his eyes shut, he shifted his seat so his back was to his desk. No. He could figure this out. He just needed more time.

Notes:

It’s been a few days, but I’m still here! I’m struggling to figure out how best to end this, but I can feel we’re close. Chapters might end up being shorter, but we’re still moving!

Chapter 13: No Answers

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

Donatello looked up from his work at the sound of his door. He stood up from his desk and started another pot of coffee before answering. Michelangelo stood there with an awkward smile as he held up a cup of juice.

“Hey, Dee! I brought you breakfast!”

“Oh, thanks,” Don mumbled as he reached for the cup. Mikey pulled his hand back at the last second causing Donnie to stumble forward. Shooting him a glare, Mike just gave him another smile.

“How much sleep did you get last night?”

“Either give me the juice or leave,” Don growled.

“I can see the bags through your mask, Donnie! I know you haven’t slept since you got back four days ago!”

“I’m behind on my work,” Don answered simply as he went to close the door.

“Wait!” Mikey protested as he thrust the juice in Don’s hands. “You should still eat something!”

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Do you want me to clear out your dishes? I won’t get in your way, promise!”

Opening the door a little to let his brother in, he turned back to his desk and sat down. Mikey moved quietly through the room, only letting out a soft hum at the full plates. 

“Are you okay, Dee?” Mikey asked after piling most of the dishes together.

“You promised you wouldn’t, Michel.”

“I said I wouldn’t get in the way, but I’m noticing you aren’t eating solid foods. Are you sick or something? I can start making you soup if that’s easier on your stomach!”

He opened his mouth to protest, but soup actually didn’t sound too bad. “Uh, sure. Soup sounds good.”

“Great! I’ll make some for lunch then!” Don only nodded as Mikey gathered the stack of dishes and made his way out of the room. He paused at the doorway before turning to look at his older brother again. “Did you want me to bring it here or do you think you’ll come out today?”

“Just bring it in here.”

“Okay,” Mikey gave him a sympathetic smile before closing the door behind him.

Don let out a sigh as he continued working on his project. He managed to slowly work his way up to assembling his machines. He wore gloves while working on his wiring, making sure to take his time. His fingers tingled every time he got close to electricity, but he couldn’t just stop working. That was a different place. You’re safe here. But how could he be sure? Was he really safe? It had been days since he’d come close to death. Days since he’d been home. And yet he could feel death looming around every corner. Choking. Burning. Electrocution. The slice of a sword. A crushing weight. Nothing was safe. How could he be sure he was really safe?

Donnie jumped as alarms sounded overhead. His stomach sank as he heard his brothers head for his room. It was only a matter of time before a villain tripped his alarms, but he so wished they hadn’t. Couldn’t crime take a break? Just long enough for him to get himself together again? Though, it had already been four days.

“What is it, Donnie?” Raph asked as he burst into the room.

“Give me a second,” he sighed as he pulled up the information on his computer. “It looks like a break-in at the zoo.”

“The zoo?” Leo asked. “Didn’t we do that already? Are you going to try using your little disco ball again?”

“I doubt it,” Don said as he stood up and switched to his jetpack shell.

“Are you sure you’re up for fighting, Donnie?” Raph asked. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to!” Mikey offered.

“I… I’m fine,” Donnie growled as he grabbed his tech bo and left the room.

The others quickly followed suit, following him into the garage where the tank was waiting. He hesitated as he stared at the giant metal beast in front of him. His brain child. His grand creation. His glorious transportation. Broken jacks. Screeching metal. He shook his head. He wasn’t going under it. Just step inside. It’s fine. Inside was fine. Nothing happened inside the tank.

“Hey.” Don jumped as a hand touched his shoulder. He turned to see Raph standing over him. “Oh! Sorry!” Raph quickly took a step back. “Raph didn’t mean to startle you!”

“You’re fine,” he mumbled as he shook the fog out of his head. He watched his brothers enter the tank before taking a step to join them. Raph moved between him and the tank.

“You don’t have to push yourself, Donnie. You just got back a few days ago. You don’t have to fight unless you’re ready! We’ll be okay!”

“Right,” Don deflated. “Of course you will.”

“That doesn’t mean we don’t want you!” Raph stammered quickly. “Raph just doesn’t want you to overdo it! You know? Take it slow!”

“I can still help,” he muttered.

“I know,” Raph gave him a small smile. “It’s just… Raph’s never seen you hesitate getting into the tank before. You haven’t been inside the garage since you got back.”

“Now isn’t the time,” Don growled as he stepped around his older brother and headed toward the tank. He tried to ignore his shaking hands as he pushed himself forward. Flinching as the tank shook with Raph’s entry, he quickly made his way to his seat.

“Are you sure you’re up for this, Dee?” Leo asked quietly as he took a seat next to him.

“I told you ‘I’m fine!’” he grumbled as he started up the tank’s engine.

“I heard,” Leo sighed.

Ignoring his brother, Don opened the garage and the team headed onto the streets. Raph took control of the steering as they headed toward the zoo.

“So…” Mikey started slowly, “do you know what the scanners say is going on?”

Don shook his head. “The police haven’t caught this one yet. This was one of my alarms that went off.”

“Does it tell you who it is?” Mikey prompted.

“No.”

“Oh,” Mikey was quiet for a moment before straightening in his seat. “I’m sure we’ll figure it out once we get there!”

“Why the zoo though?” Leo asked. “Didn’t Draxum already get the mystic metal that was there?”

“It might not be Draxum though!” Raph added.

“Right,” Leo nodded as he turned back to face the front.

The group fell into silence as they sped down the streets. Donnie felt his brothers staring at him but refused to look up from his screens. Finally letting out a breath as they entered the lot for the zoo, he followed his brothers out of the tank. It didn’t take them long to find Hypno running around.

“Oh! The turtles!” he groaned as he saw the four approach. “And all four of you this time! Uh oh!”

Don flinched at the thought. How many fights had his brothers been through without him? How many had they lost?

“Donnie!” Raph’s voice brought Don back to the present before he felt someone push him aside. Hypno’s rings flew past him. Flashing steel glinting in the sunlight. Flashing steel heading right for his throat. Choking. Numb. Everything is going numb. Can’t breathe.

“Hold still you pesky turtles!” Hypno screamed, bringing Donnie back to the present.

“No way! We’re too slick for your tricks!” Leo laughed as he lunged forward.

“Are you okay, Donnie?” Raph asked as he helped him up.

“I-I’m fine!” His voice shook as he tried to catch his bearings. “I-I-I can–”

“Donnie, I don’t want you getting hurt. If you can’t focus, please go wait in the tank!” Raph pleaded.

There was that look again. Concern. He knew it too well. Taking a deep breath, Don just nodded before falling back. Raph was right. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t ready. It didn’t matter how much he wanted to be ready, he just wasn’t. Plopping down into his seat, he let out a sigh. He pulled up his gauntlet and pulled up some coding he needed to fix. Leaning back in his seat, he tried to focus on his work. How do you think they’re doing? They don’t always fight together. But he was still hiding away while his brothers fought. Flashing steel. Cold. Numb.

The truck wobbled as hid brothers entered the vehicle. Was it over already? How long had he been lost in thought? Were they really better off without him? Squeezing hisd eyes shut he tried to shake the thought from his head. No. He couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t go back.

“You okay?” Don looked up to see everyone scrutinizing him.

“Yeah,” he mumbled as he started up the tank again.

“I know you want to help us, Dee!” Mikey spoke softly as he sat down. “But you don’t have to rush into fighting again so soon! We don’t know what you went through while you were gone, but it’s clearly still affecting you!”

“You know we’re here whenever you’re ready to talk,” Leo added.

“Can we just go home?” he huffed.

The others glanced at each other before Raph nodded and took the wheel. Silently drifting down the streets, his brothers quietly fidgeted in their seats. Leo rubbed his hands against his thighs while Mikey pushed himself from side to side in his seat. Raph focused on the road in front of them. He wasn’t an expert at emotions, but he could feel the words they wanted to say. But Donatello didn’t have answers. Nothing satisfying anyway. 

No, he wasn’t okay. 

No, he didn’t want to talk about it. 

No, he wasn’t ready to fight. 

No, he didn’t want to eat. 

No, he just wasn’t hungry.

No, he didn’t want to leave the lab.

No, he didn’t want to watch a movie.

No, he didn’t want company.

No. No! No! He didn’t have anything for them! No answers. No help. All he could do was sit in his lab and catch up on all his work. He was starting to feel so… No! No! He couldn’t think like that. 

As soon as the tank stopped in the garage, Donnie bolted to his lab and closed the doors. He would be fine. Everything would be okay again. 

He just needed more time.

Notes:

Honestly? I don't know where I'm going with this, but I have a general direction and I'm barreling forward! Enjoy the ride!

Chapter 14: No More Sleepless Nights

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Donatello groaned as he went to open the door. Michelangelo stood there holding a bowl of soup. He gave a bright smile before barging into the room and sitting down.

“Wha- hey!” Don protested before closing the door and turning to face his brother.

“Sit,” Mikey ordered calmly. 

“I didn’t say you could come into my lab, Angelo! I don’t have time for any of this! I have work to do!”

“Are you done?” he asked with that same stupid calmness.

“Am I done?”

“Sit with me!” Mikey ordered again a little more forcefully.

Don grumbled but complied with his brother’s demands. Mikey set the bowl of soup down on the desk and turned his full attention to his brother.

“Donnie, we’re really worried. You were missing for two months! You’ve been home for almost two weeks now. You aren’t sleeping, you won’t eat anything solid, you barely leave your lab! Something happened when you were gone and it isn’t good for your health. Please, Donnie.”

“I’m… I’m fine. I-I can sort it all out. I just need time,” Donnie stammered as he tried to sort through his thoughts. His brain was so fuzzy. Why was everything so fuzzy?

“You were trapped for two months. It makes sense you’d need time to adjust. But are you really adjusting? It seems like a part of you is still trapped in that loop,” Mikey leaned back in his seat, his eyes fixed on Donnie.

He couldn’t breathe. How could Mikey read him like that? How did he know?

“I-I-I just… I’m here. No, I’m here! I know where I am!”

“Physically. But did you really leave mentally? You’re in this timeline, but your mind is still trapped in that loop.”

“No! I’m home! I’m fine!” Don growled as he stood up. “I can sort this out! I just need time!”

A knocking at the door caused him to jump. Donnie glanced back at Mikey, who just gave him a shrug, before going to open the door.

Michelangelo stood there holding a bowl of soup with a worried expression on his face. Donnie froze before glancing back, but the seat was empty.

“How did you–?” he stopped as a hand reached out to touch his face.

“Are you okay? I heard shouting.” 

“I-I… I thought,” he stammered as he swatted his brother’s hand away and walked over to the chairs before sinking into one, “I thought I heard something.”

“Donnie,” Mikey started worriedly as he sat down next to him. “You need to sleep! This isn’t good for you!”

“I’m fine!” Don insisted as he reached for the bowl of soup in his brother’s hands. A gentle warmth spread through his hands as he gingerly laid the bowl on his desk and carefully brought a spoonful to his lips. It was real. It had to be real.

He could feel Mikey watching him intently before he heard the young box turtle sigh. “Do you mind if I just hang out in here for a bit? I can grab my sketchpad and just hang out in a corner. I promise I won’t try to bother you.”

“Sure,” Don waved his hand dismissively as he blew on the spoonful of soup in his hand. Mikey disappeared for a moment before coming back with his sketchpads and a bowl full of cracker crumbs.

“Here!” Mikey said cheerfully as he dumped the crackers into the soup. Don frowned as he watched the broth soak into the crumbs.

“Why?” He asked simply.

“It’s good for you, trust me. Eat!” Mikey answered flatly as he leaned back in his chair.

Don sighed and picked up a spoonful of mush before gingerly taking a bite. His tired brain accepted the soup with little complaint. He was hungrier than he thought. Mikey frowned as he glanced at Donnie’s mug.

“Have you been using the same coffee mug?” He asked.

“What else would I use?” Don responded between mouthfuls.

“You haven’t washed it?!” Mikey shrieked as he picked up the mug. “I’ll get you a clean one!”

“Wait! At least let me finish my coffee first!” Don protested in vain as Mikey left with both the mug and the pot.

He grumbled to himself as he turned back to his work. He had almost finished his soup when Mikey returned, setting down the clean mug next to him.

“You better make me a new pot of coffee,” he mumbled.

“Of course!” Mikey chirped as he walked toward the coffee maker. Donnie heard him open a bag of grounds before starting up the pot. “Did you want more soup?” Mikey asked.

“No more crackers!” Don griped.

“No more crackers,” Mikey repeated as he left with the mostly empty bowl.

Don took a deep breath as he continued his typing. Rubbing his face, he tried to pull himself together. Mikey returned a moment later before pouring a fresh cup of coffee into the clean mug. Setting down the warm broth and drink, Mikey made his way to Donnie’s bed before climbing up and settling into a corner. Don continued sipping his meal slowly as he worked and soon found his eyes growing heavy. Grumbling to himself again, he stood up and poured himself another cup of coffee. Did he burn his tongue or did it taste a little odd?

“Donnie!” Mikey whined before Don could inspect his pot any further. “Come sit with me!”

“You said you wouldn’t interfere with my work!” He groaned.

“I won’t! Bring your laptop over here! Just come sit with me! Please!” Mikey begged.

“Michel—“

“Come on Donald! You know I’m your favorite brother!” He cooed as he stared at Donnie with those big pleading eyes.

“If I sit with you, will you leave me alone?!” Donnie snapped.

“Promise!”

Don let out a loud sigh before grabbing his laptop and climbing into bed next to his brother. Mikey quickly laid his head down on Don’s shoulder as continued sketching. Slowly sipping his coffee, he griped to himself as his eyes kept getting heavier. Why wasn’t his coffee working? What changed? He had to stay awake. He had to! If he closed his eyes, would he still be here?

“You look like shit, Bro!” Leo called out from below them. When did he get here? “And your caffeine addiction doesn’t seem to be helping anymore.”

“I don’t need your commentary, Leo,” Don growled.

“What?” Mikey asked, turning his head to look at him.

“I was just telling Leo he can keep his stupid comments to himself!”

Mikey was quiet for a moment as he looked around the room before peering over at Donnie’s screen.

“Donnie?” He started slowly.

“What?” He snapped.

“Leo isn’t here right now.”

Don froze. He leaned forward to look at his lab and almost fell.

“Woah!” Mikey quickly grabbed Donnie and pulled him into a sitting position. Don leaned against Mikey’s arms as he got a good look around his room. It was empty.

Letting out a soft, “oh,” Donnie slumped down into Mikey’s arms.

“You need sleep,” Mikey said softly as he pulled Donnie into a hug.

“No! I’m fine!” Don growled as he tried to sit up. Why did his whole body feel so heavy? He had to stay awake! He just needed more coffee! Chugging down the last of his coffee, he tried to squirm his way out of Mikey’s grip. 

“I’ll refill it,” he said with a defeated sigh as he grabbed the cup.

Don leaned against the wall as he tried to focus on his computer, but everything was so blurry. The bed shook lightly as Mikey climbed back up and pressed the warm mug against Donnie’s hand. The tired soft shell took a sip of the beverage as the warmth filled him. It did nothing to wake him. His body slowly filled with a comfortable warmth as Mikey snuggled next to him. He shook his head as he found himself nodding off, but it grew harder and harder to fight.

“More c’ffee,” Don slurred as he handed Mikey his cup.

“One second,” Mike answered as he finished a line.

“Need caffeine,” Donnie whined.

“I know you do,” Mikey cooed as he finally grabbed the mug.

He watched his brother climb down again and walk toward his coffee pot. His eyes were so heavy. He shook himself awake. He couldn’t sleep. Not now. No! What if everything started over when he woke up? He couldn’t wake up again to that alarm! No! He had to stay awake! Snatching the mug from his brother, he quickly downed the contents. Frowning at the empty cup, he handed it to Mikey.

“Seriously?!” he asked as he took the mug.

“Mikey!” He whined.

“Fine!” Mikey threw his hands up exaggeratedly and went to refill the mug again.

Don blinked and found himself laying on his side. Oh no. No! No! No! He tried to move but his body felt so heavy and he was so… comfortable. He felt the bed shift lightly before he felt Mikey remove his battle shell.

“You should really get some sleep,” Mikey whispered before laying down next to him.

Oh . He should have known. That little shit.

Chapter 15: Let Me Carry This

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello shot up. No! No! When had he fallen asleep? He curled in on himself as the alarm stopped. He couldn’t do this again. Not again. Tears stung his eyes as he tried to steady his own breathing until he heard a soft, “Donnie?” from below.

Slowly turning his head, he found Leo standing on the ladder to his loft. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he watched as Leo climbed into his bed.

“It’s okay, you’re home,” Leo cooed as he gently rubbed Donnie’s arm.

His eyes darted around the room as he took in the details. Was he starting over getting home? Would he have to relive those two weeks? Was any of his work saved? He had done so much!

“Breathe for me, Donnie. Please?” Leo continued stroking his arm as Don took in a shaky breath. “You’re home Donnie. It’s okay. You just fell asleep. You didn’t go anywhere.”

Finally getting in a few deep breaths, his shaking lessened as he finally started to relax. Leo knew. That’s right! Leo knew! He still knows!

“Book?” Donnie signed.

“I think it returned itself last week,” Leo frowned. “Did you still need it?”

Don shook his head as he sat up. The two remained in silence before Leo broke into a grin.

“You’re alive again!” Leo shrieked as he pulled his twin into a hug. “I missed you!”

“Get off me!” Donnie growled as he pushed Leo away.

“And back to yourself! At least… a little.”

Don slid out of bed and grabbed his mug. He sniffed the coffee before frowning.

“It’s fucking decaf!” He shouted as he grabbed the remnants of the pot and left the room.

Leo quickly scrambled after him. 

“Michelangelo!” Donnie screamed as he stormed into the kitchen.

Mikey quickly jumped away from the stove and onto Raph who was cleaning dishes nearby. Raph glanced up at the small turtle on his shoulders before turning to face the twins entering the kitchen.

“What happened?” Raph asked.

“Mikey switched out my coffee!” Donnie growled as he dumped the remains in the sink. “Why do we even have decaf in this house?! Who drinks that shit!”

“Well, you did have like four cups,” Mikey muttered. “And you were so tired you didn’t even notice! You were hallucinating Donnie!”

“Woah, really?” Raph asked sympathetically.

“I’m fine! I don’t need you hovering over me and switching out my damn coffee!”

“You were not fine!” Mikey spat sternly. “You hadn’t slept in almost two weeks! Hallucinating isn’t normal! You thought Leo was in the room with us!”

“I did not!” Don growled.

“Donnie! You slept for almost two days!” 

He froze, nearly dropping the pot completely.

“T-two days?” He choked out as he finally took in all of his brothers’ faces. Their concern bore into his soul. Quickly turning away, he rinsed the pot from the monstrous poison Mikey forced him to drink the other day.

“I crushed a single melatonin and put it in your soup and you crashed in about twenty minutes. You weren’t fine, Dee,” Mikey explained as he slid off of Raph’s shoulders. “I know it wasn’t the best approach, but you needed to sleep!”

“You’ve never gone this long without sleep, Donnie!” Raph added quickly.

“And you aren’t even working on a big project! You won’t even go into the garage!” Leo added.

“I was gone for two months! I have a lot of work to catch up on!”

“And you can get back to it now that you’ve slept! It should be easier now!” Mikey argued.

Don took a deep breath as he focused on the dishes in front of him. How was he supposed to argue with them? What was he supposed to say? He was afraid of falling asleep? He was afraid of hearing that damn alarm going off? He was afraid that if he closed his eyes all of this would turn out to be a dream? Now he knew it wasn’t. He was very much still here. No new time loop. No explaining the same scenario or reading that stupid book to figure out what was going on. He was safe at home. Was he really safe here? Donnie’s hands shook as he thought back to all the moments he stood in this kitchen. Shouting. Fighting. No. Mikey and Leo are in the kitchen with him. They’re here. Everything is fine.

“Donnie?” Don shot his head toward the sound. His brothers were still watching him. Shaking hands lifted the pot out of the sink as Don wracked his brain for an answer to the inevitable question.

“Y-yeah?” his voice shook worse than his stupid uncooperative hands.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Mikey said softly. Donnie nearly dropped the glass in his hands. Mikey was apologizing? “I know I should have thought of a better solution, but you weren’t listening to us and we were worried!”

“I-it’s fine,” Donnie mumbled as he tried to push past his brothers. “I need to get back to work.”

He could feel them watching him as he darted back into his lab. Starting another pot of coffee, he locked the doors and curled up on the floor. Trying to get his breathing under control, he hugged his knees close to his chest. A soft cry escaped his lips as flashes of steel played over and over in his mind. He was fine. He was fine. He was home. He was safe. He’s in his lab. His lab is safe. Coffee is almost done. He can smell it. Everything is fine. It’s fine. It’s fine! He’s fine! He’s safe! Safe in his lab! Breathe, Donatello, Breathe.

Gasping in a shaky breath, he rocked himself in hopes of grounding his fragile mind. Each breath grew a little easier, until he was finally able to pull himself together. Another deep breath and he managed to haul himself onto his feet. Feet shaking beneath him as he made his way to the coffee pot, he wiggled his toes in hopes of waking his tingling legs. He poured a cup of the warm liquid into his mug and made his way to his computer. Immersing himself in his work, he sipped on his coffee. Coding consumed him as he went over security updates, targeting software, facial and voice recognition, and all of the various bug fixes that came with them. Once he was bored of that, he moved to the circuitry waiting for him on his lab table.

His peace only lasted a few hours before a tentative knock rang overhead. Ignoring the interruption, he continued pouring over his circuitry.

“Purple?” Don tensed at the gentle voice. Sighing he pushed back his chair and opened the door. Splinter started up at him before giving a sympathetic smile. “May I come in?”

Déjà vu hit him hard. Not again. No. 

“Wh-what do you n-need, Dad?”

Splinter paused as he studied Donnie’s reaction.

“We are worried about you, my son. I understand you don’t want to worry your brothers, but I am worried too. I understand you may not be ready to talk, but you know we are all here for you, Donatello.”

He bit his lip as his dad spoke his name. Splinter reached out a hand in a silent offer which Don accepted before he could think better of it. Falling to his knees, Splinter closed the gap and held his son. Tears streamed down his face as his body fell into wracking sobs. All the pressure he’d been holding, all the fear and doubt bubbled inside of him, burning away at his throat as a silent scream escaped his lips eventually fading into a pathetic whimper quickly drowned out by more tears. Splinter rubbed soothing circles on his back as he rocked the scared teen. 

He wasn’t sure how long he cried, but in the end he felt hollow. As if all of his emotions were the only thing he really had left. Sniffling on the floor, the soft shell pressed his hands against his face in an attempt to wipe away the shame of letting everything break free. Splinter held a hand up to the boy’s face and wiped away one of his tears. Donnie found himself leaning into the touch, but refusing to look into his father’s eyes.

“Do you feel any better, Donatello?” he asked gently.

Did he? He could hardly remember how he felt before. It wasn’t a good feeling, but now he was just worn out and empty. Was this any better than what he was carrying before? He gave his father a small shrug, which earned him another hug.

“I understand it must have been difficult,” Splinter started slowly as he wiped away at the stray tears on Donnie’s face with his sleeve. “You were gone for two months. We were all worried sick about you. As much as I would like to be happy you made it home safe, your mind is clearly troubled. I am afraid you haven’t fully returned home. I know this isn’t easy for you, but you aren’t in this alone. We want to help you, my son. Let us carry some of this weight for you.”

Don slowly wrapped his arms around his father, taking in the softness of his fur on his scales. He was silent as he allowed the warmth of the small rat man holding him to fill the empty void inside of him. Finally, Don leaned back and Splinter let him go.

“Soon,” Don signed. “ Not now. ”

“When you are ready. We will be here,” Splinter gave him a warm smile. “Do you want me to bring you some more soup?”

Donnie nodded and Splinter gave his hand a squeeze before quietly leaving the room. Refusing to move, Don just watched the door in front of him until his dad returned. Splinter set the bowl at his desk and offered him a hand getting up from the floor. Don quickly dragged himself off the floor and nearly fell as the tingling numbness in his legs made itself aware. Splinter waited until he had refilled his coffee and sat down at his desk before leaving again. Silently going over the conversation in his head again, he felt something deep inside of him he couldn’t quite place. A gentle warmth nestling in his chest, making the empty void just a little more bearable.

Notes:

Honestly? I had most of this angst planned without you guys giving me ideas. But how could I say no to more angst?

Chapter 16: I Trust You

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Donatello wrung his hands nervously as he waited. What might have only been seconds felt like an hour before Leo opened his door. Groggily rubbing his eye, he blinked before giving his twin a sleepy smile.

“What’s up?” he yawned.

“I… I think I’m ready,” he muttered as he rubbed his arms.

“Oh,” Leo seemed to wake up a little more at the realization. “Oh! Did… did you want me to get the others or-“

“No,” Donnie quickly shook his head. “You’re the only one who knows about the loop.”

“Right. Right!” Leo blinked and shook his head before pulling Donnie inside. “Come in! Come in!”

Don made his way over to his brother’s bed and curled up against the wall while he waited for Leo to join him. Once the two were finally comfortable, they sat in contempt silence for a moment, Leo patiently waiting for Donnie to begin. The soft shell picked at his fingernails for a moment before finally sighing.

“You… you read the book, right?” He began slowly.

“Just that one chapter. I didn’t really understand it, but I read it.”

“Okay, but you understand the basic concept? I got separated from the main timeline and run through my own personal time loop.”

“Yeah? What about it?”

Donnie was quiet for a moment as he considered how to phrase the next part. He had to say it all now before he backed out.

“And… there was another part,” he forced the words out, feeling them slowly stumbling into the air around him.

“Okay?” Leo prompted when Donnie didn’t continue.

“A-about… d-d-d... death,” his voice faded into a whisper.

“Death?” Leo repeated as the tired gears in his mind set into motion. “Like a death loop? Like- oh. Oh! Wait! Did you die?!”

Staring blankly at his hands, he gave a small nod to confirm Leo’s revelation.

“Oh my gosh! You spent two months just dying over and over again?!” He continued. “Donnie, I… I’m so sorry!” Leo quickly pulled Donnie into a hug, which the latter did very little to resist. “So… is that why you panic when you’re out of your lab for too long?”

Don nodded again, his body moving automatically.

“What makes the lab safe and the rest of the house not?”

Furrowing his brow, he contemplated the question. He knew the answer. But he couldn’t tell Leo. How was he supposed to tell his own twin, the brother who was already worried sick and clinging to him, that he was the one to kill him?

Pulling away from his brother, he signed his answer. “Fight. You and Mike would get in a fight. I would die soon after.”

“What was the fight about?” Leo asked.

Don just shrugged before picking at his nails again. He wished he knew, but it didn’t really seem to matter now, did it? The two continued sitting in silence, Leo soothingly rubbing Don's arm.

“I…” Don croaked. “I’m scared.”

Hot tears threatened to spill from the corners of his eyes at the confession. Leo pulled Don back into a hug and gave him a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah,” Leo’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I would be too.”

“I don’t want to go back,” Don whimpered.

“We won’t let that happen!” Leo spoke with a confidence Don wished he had. “You’ve been back for two weeks now! It’s not likely you’ll be dragged back.”

“But there was a chance,” he whispered.

“Not anymore! You’re safe now!”

“How can you possibly know that?!” Don huffed as he pulled away.

“Because you’re my brother and I refuse to let anything happen to you! Not again! Walk me through how you left. Maybe that will help?”

Don stared at his hands going over Leo’s offer, playing over the last few loops in his mind. Could he really tell his brother everything?

“I had talked to April about all of that,” Don finally muttered.

“Would you feel more comfortable telling April about all of that then? Do you think that’d help?”

“I… maybe?” Don buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know! I don’t know what to do! I don’t know how I got thrown into all of this in the first place! All I know is we got in an argument and the next day I was dying. Over and over and over again! It was insane! Having to listen to the same conversations every single day! Having to go over the same fight every single day! Every damn day! I could change it, but the end was always the same! I was the only one to remember each day! You always forgot what we said or did! I couldn’t do any work because it didn’t matter! I’d have to start everything over again! The whole universe was out to kill me! The world was against me! It didn’t matter what I did! If it wasn’t my original death, it was something else! Nothing was safe! I choked on pizza in the MedBay! It was insane!” Don paused to catch his breath. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. “I know I’m not in the loop but… I keep getting reminded of each death. I don’t know which is worse: the idea that dying here is permanent or that if I die again, I’ll be thrown into another loop.”

Leo slowly rubbed his fingers against Don’s arm as he processed Donnie’s rant. Eventually, he settled on looping his arm over Donnie’s shoulder and pulling him into another hug.

“I’m sure we can figure everything out. It might not be easy, but we can take it all one step at a time. Let’s start with your sleep schedule.”

“I don’t need a sleep schedule.”

“But you do need sleep! I’m assuming since you’re here talking to me at,” he paused as he checked his phone, “two in the morning, that you haven’t gotten any sleep. Are you afraid of falling asleep? Did you die in your sleep once or something?”

Don shook his head.

“It’s not the sleep that bothers me,” he muttered slowly. “It’s waking up.”

“How so?”

“Every morning I woke up to that same alarm. I just–” he fidgeted with his hands as he tried to figure out how to explain it.

“You’re afraid when you wake up, you’ll restart the day?” Leo suggested. Donnie gave him a small nod as he pulled his knees to his chest. “Okay! So, no more waking you up with that alarm, I guess,” Leo chuckled to himself. “Would it help if you changed something in your lab before bed? Or maybe one of us could hang out in your room? Just so you know when you wake up that it isn’t the same?”

“Maybe,” Don mumbled.

“Oh! We can get you one of those little desk calendars or something! Or maybe you can get S.H.E.L.D.O.N. to tell you the date every morning?”

“I think I’ll go with the latter, thanks,” Don snickered.

“Great! As for food, we can sit with you while you eat just in case? You can’t live off of soup and juice forever, Dee.”

“That didn’t really help last time.”

“What do you mean? We didn’t help you?” 

“You tried! I just… there was so much happening… I guess I panicked? I just remember feeling hands all over me one moment and the alarm going off the next.”

Leo hummed in thought, looping his arm with Don’s again. Don took the opportunity to fidget with Leo’s fingers as his brother leaned against him.

“Well, we can take steps to help make sure you aren’t overwhelmed? It should be a little better if only one person is with you, right? How many of us were with you last time?”

“Everyone. We were going to try to sort out everything, but we never got the chance.”

“Yeah, I can see all of us being there as a little overwhelming. But one person should be a lot better, right?”

“I… I guess?”

“Great! We’ll start there and work on your other anxieties later! And you can talk to April about the rest whenever you’re ready, but for now–” Leo pulled Donnie down into the bed before wrapping him in a hug.

“What are you doing?” Don huffed.

“It’s time for sleep,” Leo mumbled sleepily into Don’s shoulder. “I’ll be here when you wake up, so you know it's a different day. We can try breakfast in the morning. Everything will be okay.”

Don wiggled himself into a more comfortable position. 

“Yeah, okay,” he whispered, mostly to himself.

Leo let out a soft hum to let his brother know he heard him. It wasn’t long before Leo’s breathing grew steady. Don stared into empty darkness as he listened to the rhythmic rising and falling of the slider’s chest. How did Leo know this would work? He seemed so confident. So sure of himself. Donnie was terrified. But he was also tired. He was exhausted. Sinking into the bed, he allowed his muscles to relax. Just this once, he could let someone else deal with it. Just for a little while. He trusted his brother. It would be okay.

Notes:

It's time to start the fluff.

Chapter 17: I'm Right Here

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello woke with a start. Violent thrashing nearly threw him out of the bed before he heard a crash.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Leo screamed as he slammed his hand on the alarm. “I forgot to turn it off.”

Don rubbed his eyes as he tried to get his bearings. This wasn’t his lab. That’s right. He went to Leo last night. Taking a few deep breaths to steady himself, he slid out of bed.

“Are… are you okay?” Leo fidgeted with his hands as he sat up.

Nodding, Don helped his brother to his feet before stumbling into the kitchen with Leo hovering closely behind. Mikey hummed cheerily to himself as he flipped a pancake onto a plate where a small stack was growing.

“Ooh,” Leo bolted to the small stack before his hand earned a smack from Mikey.

“Get a plate, you heathen!” Michelangelo scolded before pouring some batter into the skillet.

“Ow!” Leo whined before going to the cabinet to grab a plate.

Don rolled his eyes at his brothers’ antics before starting a pot of coffee.

“Oh! Donnie!” Don barely had time to register Mikey’s words before he felt the smaller turtle pull him into a hug. “Are you going to eat breakfast with us?”

Don glanced at Leo, who only smiled smugly before stealing a couple of pancakes from the stack, before looking at his younger brother. Mikey stared at him with those big pleading eyes and a wide grin. How he could manage to beg while looking so excited was beyond him.

“Um,” Don started as he looked back to Leo, who rolled his eyes before setting down his plate.

“Give our bro a little space, Miguel,” Leo said as he pried Mikey away from his twin. “But I’m sure Donnie wouldn’t mind something for breakfast. What do you think, Hermano?” Leo stared at him with a smirk.

Glancing back at his brewing coffee, he remembered the conversation they'd had last night. You’re my brother and I refuse to let anything happen to you! He sighed.

“Some uh… eggs are fine, I guess,” he mumbled.

“Really?!” Mikey flung himself out of Leo’s grip and practically flew back to the stove. “Scrambled right? Did you want any seasonings? I know you don’t always like a lot of flavor. Do you want me to just make them plain and then you can add to them later?”

“That’s fine, Mikey,” Don groaned as he leaned against the counter. He watched the coffee drip into the pot as his brothers’ voices floated around the room. As soon as the pot was done, he grabbed a mug and filled it. Slowly taking in the bitter aroma, he filled his soul with the warm caffeine. Letting out a soft hum as he downed the remains of his cup, he refilled his mug and sat down next to Leo, who was drowning his pancakes in syrup before shoving them in his mouth with a smile.

“You are disgusting,” Don grimaced before taking another sip.

“What? It’s good,” Leo said through a mouthful of food.

“Swallow before you talk to me!” Don gagged.

“Am I the last one up?” Raph asked as he entered the kitchen.

“It seems so, big brother!” Mikey said cheerily before handing him a plate. “Pancakes?”

“Always!” Raph smiled before grabbing a fork and carefully transferring some of the cakes to his plate.

“Here you go!” Mikey chirped as he placed a small plate of eggs in front of Don. “Did you want any toast or anything?”

“Um… maybe some salt?” he croaked as he stared at the plate in front of him.

Leo bumped Don with his shoulder to get his attention before giving him an encouraging smile. Mikey placed the salt shaker on the table a second later before returning to the stove and continuing his humming. Raph joined them at the table and stole the syrup from Leo to add to his own breakfast. Gently shaking salt over his eggs, Don shakily grabbed his fork. He glanced at the others around him, all preoccupied with their own food. Leo placed a hand on Don’s arm and he met his gaze. I’m right here.

Taking a deep breath, Don managed to scoop some of the eggs onto his fork before carefully bringing the utensil to his lips. Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a bite and carefully chewed on the eggs. Leo didn’t let go until Don swallowed and opened his eyes again. Beaming proudly, Leo gave his arm a gentle squeeze before turning back to his own breakfast. Don continued eating slowly, drowning the eggs with coffee. His brothers continued their conversations and laughter around him until he was done.

Staring at the empty plate, he almost laughed with relief. He did it! He actually did it! Continuing to sip his coffee, he listened to his brothers laugh.

“Ooh! Do you want to skateboard with me, Leo!” Mikey asked excitedly. 

“Oh, um,” Leo looked at Don.

“I should be getting back to my lab,” Don said as he stood up and emptied the rest of the pot into his mug. “You guys have fun.”

“Wait,” Mikey shouted before launching himself across the kitchen and slamming Donnie in a hug. Don took a moment to collect himself before awkwardly patting his brother’s shell. “It was nice spending time with you outside of the lab, Dee! We’ve missed you.”

Don bit his lip, refusing to look at any of his brothers. Finally, he gave his brother a small hug back before turning to leave. Slinking into his quiet lab, he started brewing another pot of coffee. Slowly sipping from the mug in his hand, he booted his computer to start on his programming.

“S.H.E.L.D.O.N.?” Don called out softly as he pulled up his previous work.

“Yeah?” the little robot answered as it flew to Donnie’s side.

“Can you set an alarm for 5 am? And state the day’s date with the alarm?”

“You want me to wake up at 5 am?!” S.H.E.L.D.O.N. groaned.

“Please,” Don pleaded quietly.

S.H.E.L.D.O.N. was quiet for a moment before rolling his eyes. “Yeah, whatever.” 

“Thanks,” Don whispered as S.H.E.L.D.O.N. flew away to a corner of the room.

As much as he wanted to start on his work, he found himself staring blankly at the screen. He’d made it through breakfast. He was okay. But that was only one meal. Was it right to feel proud of himself for a single meal? It was his first solid meal in over two weeks! Had he eaten anything other than pizza while he was in the loop? Did he really choke on the first thing he’d eaten? It was all so fuzzy. Each day blending in his mind. It was hard to really say.

Leo stopped by later, not even bothering to knock before entering. Sitting down next to Donnie at his desk, he gave him a grin.

“Buttered noodles!” Leo beamed as he placed one of the bowls he was holding down next to his keyboard along with a glass of water. Don stared at the bowl in front of him before taking another sip of his coffee. Leo scooted a little closer, placing a hand on Don’s shoulder. “You did really good at breakfast this morning. I know you can do this. It’s one of your favorites! Don’t worry, I didn’t make it,” Leo laughed to himself before leaning back in his seat again and poking at his own food. He paused when he noticed Don made no move to eat. “You don’t have to eat it right now, but it would be better while it’s warm, right?”

Tapping his fingers on his desk, he chewed on his lip. He needed more than one data point, right? He did fine at breakfast. He was fine. He could do this. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the fork before slowly taking a bite. The slippery noodles slid down his throat, but didn’t catch. Quickly gulping down some of the water, he went for another bite. Pausing after the second forkful went down, he tried to get control of his breathing. Why was this so hard?

“So,” Leo drew out the word as he rocked himself in his chair a bit, “did you want to turn on some music or something? You haven’t had anything playing in here in a while.”

Glancing around his lab, he realized Leo was right. When was the last time he listened to music?

“I… I guess I hadn’t noticed,” he mused aloud.

“Here,” Leo set his bowl down before making his way to Don’s speakers. “What do you want to listen to?”

“Just hit play, I think I have a playlist queued already.”

Leo complied and soon music was blasting through the lab. Making his way back to the desk with a wide grin, Leo spun around in his seat before taking up his bowl again. The two didn’t speak as the music filled the space around them while they ate. Donnie tried not to overthink the meal in front of him, instead trying to absorb himself in his work again. Soon, he found the bowl empty. Leo let out a small laugh and Don realized he was staring at the empty dish.

“What?” Don huffed as he peeled his eyes away and turned back from his computer.

“You’re smiling again.”

Don brought his hand to his face before turning to look at his brother, who was giving him a fond smile.

“Oh, I… I hadn’t realized.”

“I’m not making fun of you! I’m just… it’s good to see you smiling again.”

Don felt the corners of his mouth curl up. He was smiling. He actually felt… safe.

Chapter 18: Movies are Safe

Doodoodoo. Doodoodoo. Doodoodoo. Today is Friday, August 3rd.

Donatello groggily sat up and rubbed his eyes. Climbing out of bed, he turned off his alarm and trudged over to his coffee machine before starting a pot. Leaning against the table, he watched the machine start pouring his dark brew into the glass. The moment it finished, he poured the steaming liquid into a mug and took a sip, allowing the warmth to fill him. Letting out a soft hum, he turned on his music before making his way to his work table. He slowly sipped his beverage as he looked over the pieces in front of him. He almost finished assembling his project and drained the pot of coffee by the time Leo came in with breakfast.

“Geez, what time do you wake up?” Leo asked as he sat down.

“I have a lot to do around here. Sleep is a luxury I can’t always afford,” Don muttered as he set down his tools. He frowned as he looked at the plate in front of him. “What’s this?”

“Mikey made crepes! Your’s just has nutella and bananas,” Leo explained as he dug into his own. “I brought you two. You’ve been doing really well these past couple of days! I figure you can handle two!”

“Yeah,” Don sighed as he grabbed his fork. He had to admit, it was getting a lot easier to eat without thinking about that day.

The two fell silent for a moment, enjoying the delicate food in front of them before Leo cleared his throat.

“I- um… I think we might be able to take another step today,” he suggested.

“Another step?” Don repeated.

“Yeah! You know? You seem to be doing really well so… maybe we can try spending some time outside of your lab today?”

“I have work to do,” Don mumbled as he turned back to the pieces scattered across the table.

“I know! I know! I’m not saying we should spend the whole day, but maybe you can bring your laptop out? Or if you’d rather work on building your tech, we can set up in the gara–”

“No!” Don quickly shouted before he could stop himself. His heart was racing. Why was it so fast? Biting his lip, he looked away as he tried to regain his composure. “I… I’m fine in my lab.”

Why did he have to yell at him? They were doing so well and now Don is yelling at him? He poked at a small electrical part before taking another sip of his coffee. Leo was quiet as they finished their breakfast.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Leo finally said. “But I think it would be good to spend a little time outside of the lab. It doesn’t have to be for very long. Maybe just an hour? I can convince Dad to let us watch a movie? Did anything bad ever happen while we were watching a movie?”

Don shook his head slowly letting out a soft, “no.”

“I’ll be right there with you,” Leo continued. “And the others if you want! You should be able to walk around our home without panicking.”

Tapping his fingers on the table, he glanced at the empty plate in front of him. Are you really doing better? The question echoed in his head. 

“I… I suppose a movie can’t hurt,” he mumbled.

“Yes!” Leo squealed with delight before pulling Don into a hug. “I’ll take the dishes to the kitchen! Did you want to invite all of the others or just the two of us?”

“The others are fine,” he muttered as he picked up one of the parts in front of him.

“Did you want to do this now or wait until after lunch or something?”

“Lunch.”

“Okay! We can even invite April! Do you want noodles for lunch again?”

“That sounds fine.”

Leo gave him another hug before gathering the dishes and leaving the room. Standing up, he refilled his coffee before moving to his desk. Should he try to bring his laptop out to keep up with his work? When was the last time he just relaxed? Had he scrolled through his phone at all since he’d gotten back? There was so much he’d missed it almost feels overwhelming trying to catch up. He didn’t have to catch up now though. There was still plenty he could do on his phone. When was the last time he played a mindless mobile game? 

Work now and after lunch, relax. Could it really be that simple? Could he really just stop for a little bit? He had been working nonstop for almost three weeks. Two of those weeks he worked without sleep. Would it be right to just take a break? He could almost hear Michelangelo screaming at him to take a break. You’re overworking yourself! You need to sleep! When was the last time you ate something? Maybe Leo would be proud of him for choosing to just enjoy the movie rather than work through it.

A couple of hours later, and Leo was walking in with lunch again. He smiled as he sat down and placed the bowl on the desk before digging into his own.

“I figured we should eat before the movie so you aren’t too overwhelmed. Mikey’s still going to make snacks, but those will all be smaller. You don’t have to eat them if you don’t want to though!”

“Uh… yeah. Thanks,” Don let out a small huff of a laugh as he grabbed his fork.

“So, do you know what movie you want to watch?”

“Why do you guys keep asking me? I don’t want to pick.” 

“I suppose that’s fair,” Leo chuckled. “Mikey and I can figure it out!”

They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate their lunch. Once they had finished, they both left the lab together to take their dishes to the kitchen before making their way to the living space. April was already sitting in a chair playing on her phone.

“Hey!” Leo announced as he slid into the room. “Let’s get this party started!”

“Please, Nardo,” Don groaned as he rolled his eyes and found a seat next to April.

“I’ve got popcorn!” Mikey cheered as ran into the room, spilling a trail of popped kernels behind him. “What are we watching?!”

“That’s up to you and me!” Leo leaned against Mikey with a grin. “What do you think? Jupiter Jim’s Last Trip to the Moon 5?”

“Ooh yes!” Mikey bounced excitedly in place, nearly knocking Leo over. “Or we could do a whole Last Trip to the Moon marathon!”

“Let’s start with just one movie for now,” Leo grunted as he pulled away from his brother to catch his bearings.

“Five seems like a good start either way!” Raph said as he plopped into a seat behind April and Don.

“Okay!” Mikey cheered before digging through their movie collection and setting up the movie.

Leo tossed extra blankets and pillows at the group before making himself comfortable. Mikey quickly joined the pile with an excited squeal. Don pulled out his phone as the movie lit up the dark room. Allowing his brothers to pull him into their pile of cuddles, he found a simple water sorting puzzle game to keep himself busy. Warmth filled the blankets around them and Don found himself surprisingly comfortable by the end of the movie.

“One more?” Leo asked softly.

“Sure,” Don mumbled, half asleep.

“Yay!” Mikey shouted as he jumped out of the pile and startled everyone fully awake before running to turn on another movie. 

“Mikey would make a great alarm clock,” April grumbled mostly to herself.

“Yeah,” Donnie laughed.

Mikey rejoined the group and snuggled close to his brothers as the next movie played. Don continued to absorb himself in his phone as the room filled with the sounds of action and sc-fi adventure. The room was comfortable and warm. He was safe. Falling asleep watching movies brought him back to his family when he was trapped. This was always safe. So long as he didn’t panic and crash into a shelf.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he snuggled closer to his brothers. They promised. Nothing bad would happen. Nothing bad would happen so long as he stayed right here. His brothers would keep him safe. He was safe.

Chapter 19: Big Sister’s Here

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Donatello looked up from his computer. After their movie marathon, he’d ended up eating dinner with the family before heading back to his room. He had just sat down and started working!

“Yes?” he inquired skeptically.

Slam. Boom! Donnie fell out of his chair as the door crashed open. “I have ice cream!” April screamed. Slowly sitting up, he stared at the young woman standing in his doorway. “Why are you on the floor?” She asked as she entered the room and set a bowl down on his desk.

“Why are you barging into my room?!” He demanded.

“I brought ice cream!” She grinned as she held out a hand. Don sighed as he accepted her offer. She pulled him up and the two sat down at his desk. “Also,” she spoke softly as she slid his bowl to him, refusing to meet his eye, “I missed you.”

He stared at her letting out a soft “oh,” before turning to the bowl in front of him. He poked at the plain vanilla ice cream with his spoon while he tried to think of what to say. April let out a soft sigh before dropping her spoon in the bowl.

“You seemed to be having fun today! It’s been a while since we’ve all gotten to really spend time with you.”

“Sorry, I’ve been kind of busy,” he muttered.

“Raph says you haven’t been doing too hot since you got back,” April gave him a sympathetic smile as she placed a hand on his arm. 

“I… I talked to Leo,” he pulled his arm away a little and April went back to her ice cream. “He’s been helping.”

“That’s good! It does seem like you’re doing a little better. But I haven’t really seen you in weeks. Mikey says you didn’t sleep for almost two weeks straight at first?”

“I’m sleeping better now. At least I have been these past few days. It’s still a little… disorienting sometimes.”

“How so?”

Don tapped on the desk as he went over everything that had happened in his head. He really didn’t want to explain it all again. He’d already explained it so many times when he was in the loop. But this was April. She gotten him out of that whole mess. She saved him and she didn’t even know. He sat up a little straighter as the realization sank in.

“Donnie? Are you-“

“I… should thank you,” he muttered softly.

“Thank me? For what?”

“I…” he paused for a moment. “I was… trapped in a uh… a time loop of sorts. That’s where I was those two months. It… it was you who helped me get out.”

April’s eyes widened as she stared at Donnie.

“A time loop?” she repeated. “How… how… did I… get you out?”

“Um…” he chewed on his lip as he dipped his spoon into the melting cream condensating on his desk. He let out a small sigh. “You reminded me that… I…” he tried to swallow past the lump forming in his throat. “I… I was trapped in my own head,” he whispered. “I kept… dying. Over and over. I thought…” taking a deep breath, he felt a pressure building behind his eyes as hot tears pricked at the corners. “I thought… I was… worthless,” his voice faltered. “You… you reminded me I wasn’t… useless.” April tackled him into a tight hug as the hot tears threatening to spill, finally fell. “You saved me,” he choked out.

“Good,” she cried. 

Donnie wrapped his arms around her hoping to ground himself. They remained in their embrace until they were calm enough to speak again.

“Did you really think you were useless?” April asked just quietly enough for Don to hear. Choosing to stare at the bowl in front of him, he silently nodded. “Why?”

Fidgeting with his fingers he tried to remember the conversation they’d had before he left. You love your brothers. You’ll do anything to protect them. And we all see it. They know how much you love them, even if you don’t always say it. Smiling sadly to himself, he pulled his feet up into the chair with him. April leaned back to properly sit in her seat as she patiently waited for Donnie to speak.

“I… I guess sometimes I just… I forget I’m more than just my tech,” he muttered. “I can’t say I entirely agree and it took more than one loop, but I managed to stop calling myself ‘useless.’”

“You don’t feel that way now, do you?”

“I’m trying not to,” he hugged his knees, burying his face as he felt his body shake. “I’m… I’m afraid if I do I’ll… I’ll get pulled back.”

“Well, what did I do to help you get out?”

“You just… talked to me.”

“Yeah, I got that part,” April rolled her eyes. “What did I say?” 

“We… we talked about the loop itself. I had originally thought it had something to do with how I had done in the fight with Draxum, but you were the one to point out it might have something to do with my own self-hatred,” his voice wavered as he recalled the events. He shook his head as he tried to collect himself, opting to get everything out before he could think about it. “By then it was too late, but in the next loop I had to first explain what was happening, and you picked up on everything  pretty quickly. You forced me to say nice things about myself and then you… you reminded me how much I…” he swallowed thickly. It felt as if his throat was closing. He couldn’t say it.

“How much we care about you? Or how much we know you care about us?”

“Both,” he choked out.

“That was weeks ago, Dee. Please tell me you haven’t forgotten!”

Don glanced around his lab before letting out a sigh. “I’ve… been a little preoccupied.”

“Do the others know about this time loop? Or just me?”

“Just you and Leo.”

April reached over and placed a hand on Donnie’s arm. The soft shell finally looked up at his friend to see her smiling sympathetically. “You should talk to the others.”

“I… I don’t want to go over it all again!” Don groaned as he buried his face in his knees again. “Do you know what it’s like to do the same thing over and over again?! How many times I’ve explained all of this to you guys before?! The only way I could really tell Leo was by showing him the damn book that followed me out!”

“Book? What book?”

“Leo and I checked out a book while I was there which ended up following me through the last few loops and even into this timeline. I assume since it was a book about time it has some sort spell to travel through time. It’s been returned to the library by now though.”

“Woah. That’s kind of cool!” April paused for a second before shaking her head and focusing on Donnie again. “I… I know all of this must have been traumatic for you. But talking to Leo seemed to have helped, right? So maybe the rest of us can help too! We want to help you!”

“I know,” he whispered, remembering the night Splinter held him last week. Was it really only last week? It was hard to believe he’d been home for almost three weeks. “I… I know you want to help,” he repeated as he cleared his throat, hoping to remove the lump threatening to break him. “I’m just so… tired of going over all of this again.”

“How else can you move past it without talking about it?” April asked gently, scooting her chair a little closer to Don’s.

“I am working past it! You said it yourself! I’m doing better!”

“I know! You are! And that was after talking to Leo. The rest of the fam wants to help too, Dee.”

Don sighed as he leaned back in his chair again, staring at the ceiling.

“What we’re doing is working right now,” he muttered. “I spent the day outside of my lab today. I’m making progress. I’m not ready to talk to the others yet.”

“I’m not saying you have to now! But you will eventually, right?”

“Maybe,” he mumbled.

April pulled Don into another hug, her curly hair tickling his shoulder. “What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “You already did the important part.”

“Promise you’ll talk to me if you start to hate yourself again?” Donnie continued staring at the ceiling, unsure of how to respond. The only reason he’d done it before was because she wouldn’t remember what he’d say. Maybe mentioning all of this wasn’t such a good idea. But she had helped save him. She prevented him from dying that day. “Donnie?” He glanced down at April who was leaning back to get a better look at him. “If hating yourself got you into that mess, then maybe it’s something we should work on. Maybe if you had talked to one of us sooner rather than bottling it all up, it wouldn’t have sent you into a loop.” 

He hated when she used sound logic. It was hard to argue.

“I… guess,” he muttered.

“Good. Then can you promise you’ll talk to me? I’m not going to tell anyone else!”

“I… I can try,” he let out a defeated sigh as he brought his feet back to the floor.

“That’s all I’m asking,” April said as she gave him a quick hug and returned to her own chair. “Now, maybe we can enjoy what’s left of the ice cream?”

Don let out a soft laugh before grabbing the melting bowl on his desk.

“Yeah, sure.”

Notes:

I’ve been meaning to say this for a while now: thank you guys so much for the support you’ve been giving me since I started! You guys help motivate me to keep going!!

Chapter 20: Something is Off

Notes:

If you follow me on Twitter or Tumblr, you know what's up! :3

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello glanced around the room as the alarm echoed off the walls. He had changed that. Didn’t he? Where was S.H.E.L.D.O.N.? Crawling out of bed, he turned off the alarm. Dust flew up under his feet as he walked toward his coffee machine. Did he forget to vacuum? Digging through the cabinets, he couldn’t find any of his coffee. He always had coffee! Grumbling to himself, he left his room and headed for the kitchen. The lair was oddly quiet as he entered the kitchen. Where was everyone? How'd he get here so quickly? Searching through the cabinets, he couldn’t find any coffee. What the hell was going on?!

“Mikey?” Donnie’s voice echoed around him as he searched the rooms. No one answered him. “Leo?” No one on the skateramp. “Raph?” No one in the game room. “Dad?” No one watching TV. Finally, he entered the garage. His family was crowded around Leo. “Hey! There you are!” Donnie ran up to them, but they didn’t even look at him. “Guys?” He froze as he realized they were all crying. Leo stared at the tank in horror. The tank . 

Don felt his breath catch in his throat. No. No. This wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible. What was even happening?! This couldn’t be happening! There’s only one way to know for sure . No. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to see. Just one look. Just to be sure. 

“Leo?” Don tried again, crouching beside his brothers. Why wouldn’t they respond? “Leo! I’m right here!” They were looking right through him. Was he even alive?

Steeling himself, he stood up and finally turned around. The back tires of the tank were bent, one popped entirely. A small pool of blood slowly trickled from underneath. His knees gave out as he fell onto the floor, staring at the broken tank in front of him. Was he breathing? Breathe! Breathe!

“Donatello,” a voice echoed around him. He snapped back to see Leo standing over him.

“Leo!” Don scrambled to his feet. “You can see me!”

Leo drew his sword and pointed it at Donnie causing the soft shell to freeze.

“You’re supposed to be dead.” Leo’s voice echoed around the room but his lips didn’t move. Glancing around the room, he found he was alone with this version of his brother. Something was off. He almost seemed to glow. Donnie tried to breathe as he slowly backed away from this imposter. This couldn’t be his brother. A flash of steel flew toward him. Quickly dodging the blade, he ran out of the garage. He could hear this Leo coming after him. His legs felt like lead. Why was he moving so slowly? Run faster! Faster!

He ran into the living room as the shelves fell off the wall, sending objects flying his way. No! No! He fell onto the floor as Raph entered the room. But it wasn’t his Raph. No. This one was like the Leo trying to kill him. Before he could move, arms wrapped around him. No! No!

“Let me go!” Don screamed, but the arms only squeezed him tighter. 

Leo was in front of him in an instant, staring coldly into his eyes. Don knew he wasn't good at reading emotions, but it didn't take much to know there was no emotion behind those eyes. Holding the sword to his throat, he heard the words echo throughout the lair again. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

Donatello woke up in an instant, panting and grabbing for his throat. He quickly glanced around at the dark room. Closing his eyes he tried to steady his breathing, but he only saw that flash of steel again. Quickly opening his eyes again, he tried to find something to focus on. He grabbed his phone and checked the time. Three in the morning. There was no way he was going back to sleep. Climbing out of bed, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he started a pot of coffee. Slowly stumbling to his equipment, he put on his mask and battle shell. Leaning against the counter, he watched the dark liquid slowly pour into the glass below. The moment the machine rumbled into silence, Don filled his mug and gulped down the scalding caffeine. His chest burned as the hot liquid filled him, but he didn’t care. 

Taking a deep breath, he refilled the mug and sat down at his computer. Absorbed in his work, he hardly noticed the alarm going off behind him. S.H.E.L.D.O.N. quickly quieted down when he noticed Don was already awake and curled up in his lap. Scritching S.H.E.L.D.O.N. behind his ears, the little robot let out a mechanic rumble as he fell back asleep. Don absorbed himself in his coding again as he sipped on his coffee. Time flew by as he worked until Leo waltzed in with breakfast. 

“Geez, how much sleep did you get last night?” he asked as he sat down.

“I wasn’t counting,” Don answered flatly.

“You’re getting bags under your eyes.”

“I always have bags under my eyes. I have to worry about all the dumb shit you’re going to do!”

“Hey! I haven’t done anything stupid in a while!”

“Then explain to me why I found jelly in the toaster last night!”

“That wasn’t me!” Leo sat up a little straighter in his chair as he grabbed his plate. “Eat your eggs, Nerd.”

“That’s what I thought,” Don snickered as he grabbed his plate.

The two ate in silence for a moment before Leo cleared his throat. “Did you want to try to spend some time outside of the lab again today? I was thinking maybe we could play some games!”

No one in the game room. Donnie tapped his fingers against the desk staring at his plate. Images flashed through his mind. Running through the halls. Arms wrapped around him. You’re supposed to be dead.

“I… uh… I think I’d like to stay in the lab today,” he muttered as he pushed aside his plate and turned to his computer.

Leo frowned at the action before poking at the eggs on his plate. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you, but is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Don mumbled. “Maybe you're right and I just need more sleep.”

“Okay, it’s still early. Why don’t you take a nap after breakfast?” Leo suggested as he pushed the plate a little closer to Donnie.

“Sure,” he sighed as he picked up the fork and finished the food on his plate.

“Want me to stay with you?” Leo offered.

“I’m fine, Leon,” Donnie muttered.

“Okay,” Leo sighed as he picked up the empty plates. “Do you want me to wake you up for lunch?”

“I’ll text you.”

“Alright,” he agreed quietly before giving Don a pat on the shoulder. Donnie flinched at the touch and Leo froze. “Oh, sorry! Is it a no-touching day?” Don just nodded. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’ll come back later. Enjoy your nap!”

Leo left the room and Don let out a sigh as he leaned back in his chair. Why now? He was starting to get better. He was finally doing okay! Why did he have to start having nightmares now? Maybe it was just the one? Not likely. His family would want him to talk about it. They were helping him with everything else. So, why didn’t he just tell Leo about this? Why was this so difficult? Leo killed you. How many times did you die at your brother’s hands? How could he tell Leo about any of this? He was trying so hard. They were doing so well. No one needed to know any of the details of his deaths. Just the basics. He had choked on pizza and panicked. They didn’t need to know someone was holding him and made things worse. He was crushed under the tank. No one needed to know Leo had leaned on the jack and caused it to break. Something fell on him. No one needed to know he had panicked as he tried to get away from his family and backed into the wall. A blade sliced his throat. No one has to know it was Leo. But they’d still know. How else would his throat get sliced?

Groaning, he laid his arms on his desk and buried his face in them. He closed his eyes and Leo’s glowing face swam into his vision, staring coldly into his eyes. You’re supposed to be dead. He shot up in his chair, almost falling out. S.H.E.L.D.O.N. glared at him before flying into the corner. Taking a deep breath, he leaned back in his seat. Nothing good was going to come from dwelling on this. All he could do was find a way to keep his mind off this. Scooting his chair closer to his desk, Don went back to work. Sipping on his coffee, he allowed his coding to consume his mind. Everything would be fine. It was just one nightmare. He was already doing better than he was. What was one nightmare?

Notes:

Hey, so recently this comic has been going around on Twitter basically depicting Leo and Donnie getting in a really bad fight and Leo says some really bad things. People have been calling it "ableist" and I can see it based on the level of insults. But it's gotten me thinking about how this story begins.
I believe while Leo would never truly intend to hurt his brothers, he might get swept away in the moment and sometimes say something he doesn't mean. I guess, if you've made it this far, do you think I went out too far in the first chapter?
All of this talk has kind of put a damper on my mood and motivation for this story. That doesn't mean I plan to stop writing it, but I am a little disheartened.
Thank you all for reading this far.

Chapter 21: I Can't Do This Alone

Notes:

Thank you all for your support! I'm glad to know I was merely overthinking things! I appreciate all of your kind words and overall support of the story itself! It really helped push me to keep going!
This chapter is a little longer, so enjoy!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello listened to the alarm blare around him. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. No. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. The alarm turned off and he carefully opened his eyes to find himself laying under the tank. His eyes widened as the sound of creaking metal echoed around him. “You’re supposed to be dead,” a voice whispered in his mind. Scrambling to move, he heard a loud snap. 

Donnie scrambled to move only to find himself falling. Crashing into the floor, he jumped to his feet only to find himself in his room. He took a deep breath to try to steady his erratic breathing and slow his racing heart. Checking the time on his phone, he realized he’d only slept a couple of hours. Great. He was awake now though, right? A dull throbbing pain in his shoulder screamed at him. He was definitely awake. Groaning, he crawled back into his bed. He couldn’t let these nightmares get the best of him! Curling up under his blankets, he focused on steadying his breathing. Just go back to sleep. It should be fine.

A loud snap. A flash of steel. You’re supposed to be dead. His eyes shot open. Turning onto his back, he stared at the empty darkness above him, allowing his mind to go blank. Ethereal images of his brothers crept through his mind. Haunting him. Threatening him. Why was all of this happening now?! He had really hoped last night was just a fluke. Of course, it wasn’t. He was foolish to think otherwise. Rubbing his face, he let out a frustrated growl before letting his hands fall beside him. Grabbing his phone, he curled up on his side and started scrolling through the content he’d missed while he was gone. His eyes grew heavy and soon he found himself having to read through some posts multiple times.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donnie glanced around the room again. It almost felt as if he were underwater as he slid out of bed. Dust flew up under his feet as he walked across the room. The door to his room was wide open and he could hear voices echoing from down the hall.

“Hello?” Don called out as he followed the sounds. No answer.

The hallway seemed to last forever, the only indication he was getting any closer being his brothers’ voices growing steadily louder. Suddenly, he rounded the corner to find his brothers standing by the skate ramp arguing. Their voices echoed around him, piercing into his soul. He placed his hands over his ears, but it didn’t do anything. Louder and louder, the voices consumed him. Screaming, he fell to his knees, but nothing helped. Nothing. All their voices merging into a loud murmur until one voice pierced through the noise. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

Don looked up to see an ethereal Leo standing behind the shouting group. A split second later, steel was flying toward him. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t escape. He closed his eyes before the blade hit him.

Donatello woke up with a start. When had he fallen asleep? Groaning, he rolled over and searched for his phone. A moment later, S.H.E.L.D.O.N. flew up from his charger with a loud doodoodoo doodoodoo doodoodoo. Don slammed his face in his pillow with another groan. Tearing apart his bed, he found his phone and started another pot of coffee before getting dressed. Finally pouring himself a cup, he sat down at his desk to continue his work.

Leo knocked before entering this time. Carefully placing both plates on the desk, he gave Don an awkward smile before sitting down.

“Feeling any better?” he asked. Don only gave an affirmative hum. “Did you want to keep trying to get out of the lab? We could watch a movie? Or maybe go see April! Would leaving the lair be too much?”

“N-no actually,” Don mused. “Leaving the lair sounds good.”

“Really?!” Leo perked up almost spilling eggs onto the floor. “I’ll text April!”

“Not right now,” Don rolled his eyes.

“We may not leave now, but April would love to know about this!”

Don turned to his plate. He wasn’t all that hungry but he decided to at least try. Slowly taking a few bites, he brought his attention back to his computer to distract him. Immersing himself in his coding, he hardly noticed the eggs or his brother excitedly talking. All until a silver glint caught his eyes. You’re supposed to be dead. Don nearly choked on his eggs as those cold ethereal eyes swam into his head. Leo always carried his sword. Why was it only a problem now?!

“Woah! Are you okay?! Can you answer me?”

Don nodded as he coughed out a little yellow glob of scrambled egg and gulped down some water.

“I’m fine,” he finally choked out.

“What happened?” Leo asked, eyes flicking over him.

“I… I don’t know,” he muttered.

“Hey, it’s okay!” Leo tried to assure him. “But… you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Of course I do!” Don scoffed refusing to look at his brother. 

“O-okay. Good! Good!” 

Don tapped his fingers on his desk. Leo was upset. He knew it but what could he even do about it?

“M-maybe we could meet April for pizza?” Don mumbled.

“Oh!” Leo perked up again. “Are you sure?” Don just nodded as he started typing on his computer again. “I don’t want you to push yourself too hard, Bro. If you want to leave at any time, I can just portal us home, okay?”

“I know,” Don whispered.

Leo sat with him until he realized Don wasn’t going to finish his breakfast. After cleaning his own plate, Leo gave Don a gentle pat on the shoulder before leaving. Rolling his shoulder, he stared blankly at the screen in front of him. Could he really do this? It was April. He loved hanging out with April. She was his best friend! And he was actually starting to miss pizza. Of course, he could do this! That’s not the problem.  

He knew it wasn’t Leo’s fault. None of it was. Leo was trying so hard to help him and yet he couldn’t get that damn sword out of his head! It was an accident. Leo would never hurt him! But it still happened. That timeline was out for his blood. Pizza had killed him. Leo would never!

Why was this so complicated? He wanted to forget those past two months. Could he? Was it possible to find a memory spell and just erase all of it? Sure, it was possible, but how much would he forget? If he went back to feeling useless, he’d just start over. Was he supposed to be dead? Don shook his head. No! The book didn’t say anything about that! If he had been trapped in some sort of limbo, the library would have taken him to a different book! What if this was all some sort of cruel trick? A small reprieve before his real death? Remind him of the gift of life before it’s all ripped out from under him? No! No! He was here! This was the correct timeline and he was safe! He was safe at home! His family is helping him. They’re helping him! They are! They’re being so patient with him! And he was just making it hard on them. They worried for months and now they have to take care of him. 

“Donnie?”

Don’s eyes shot open to see a blurry figure standing over him. He blinked away tears and found Leo standing in front of him, holding his sword. Don quickly backed away causing Leo to jump.

“Woah! Okay! Sorry!” Leo said, quickly putting away his sword. “Just breathe for me, okay? Deep breaths.”

Donnie shook his head grabbing at his mask. Wasn’t he just at his desk? Where was he? The floor. He was on the floor. Was this another dream? The alarm didn’t go off.

“Donnie? Breathe!” His voice was distant but still too loud. Too loud!

He wanted to. He wanted to breathe. But his entire being screamed at him to get away. Get away! He scrambled back before a voice screamed at him. The walls weren’t safe. Where was safe? What was safe? Footsteps. Voices and footsteps.

“Purple?” Dad? “Donatello, breathe. You are safe.”

Opening his eyes again he saw Splinter standing in front of him. He glanced around the room but it was empty. Just them. Slowly, Splinter helped him get his breathing under control. His entire body ached. He didn’t want to move. The floor was fine. He was comfortable.

“Purple?” Splinter spoke gently as he slowly rubbed Donnie’s arm.

“I was doing better,” Don choked out as pressure built in his eyes.

“You are doing better, my son!” Splinter soothed him. “There’s no rush on healing. You shouldn’t push yourself so hard.”

“But I was doing better!” He cried.

“What happened?”

Don sniffled trying to hold back the emotions threatening to break him. Curling further in on himself, he hugged his arms shaking his head.

“Oh, Purple,” Splinter stroked his cheek. “I know it isn’t easy. But carrying this burden on your own isn’t going to help you. Would you feel better talking to someone else?”

Who would he tell? The only ones who knew were April and Leo and he certainly couldn’t tell Leo! Yet, his father seemed so concerned.

“Just… nightmares,” his voice faded to barely a whisper.

“Nightmares?” Splinter clarified. Don nodded, refusing to look at his father. “Do you want to talk about them?” Don only shook his head, holding even tighter to his arms. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Do you want to talk to Blue? I know he’s been helping you this past week.” Don quickly shook his head again. “Is there anyone you’d be willing to talk to?”

Don pondered the question for a moment. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about this. But he couldn’t get it out of his head. He had died . His own death played over and over in his head. Shouting. Movement. A flash of steel. Choking. Hot metallic liquid on his tongue. Numb. Every time he closed his eyes he could see it. Feel it. You’re supposed to be dead. No matter how much he wanted to be over this, he couldn’t do it alone. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to explain the damn loop to his family again. But even if he could, how would he explain his own brother had killed him? Leo would never forgive himself. Leo was absolutely distraught the times he had found out. But now? Now he couldn’t forget. He couldn’t tell the others either. What if telling Mikey or Raph started another argument? Could this loop have been a warning of a future event?

“Donatello,” Splinter spoke firmly but kept his voice soft. “Deep breaths.” Don realized he was starting to get tense. He focused on breathing again before finally deciding to sit up.

“April,” he muttered before he could stop himself. 

“I will call her,” Splinter gave Don a soft smile before getting up. “Do you want company while you wait?” Don shook his head. Splinter wrapped his son in his arms. “Everything will be okay, eventually. Take your time,” he whispered gently.

Don bit his lip as he felt hot tears sting the corners of his eyes. The room fell silent as Splinter left. Closing his eyes and leaning back, his head touched the cold hard wall. When did everything get so complicated? What happened to actual conflicts with his brothers and crazy mutants in the city? At least those were things he could face. But he couldn’t face his thoughts and fears. He couldn’t fight a nightmare. No. There was only one way out of this. He needed help.

Chapter 22: Get Away From it All

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Donatello hadn’t moved from the floor. He didn’t want to move. It didn’t take long before the door opened and April stepped into the room. Giving him a brief gentle smile, she slid down next to him. They stayed in content silence for a while before Don finally broke.

“Did Dad tell you about the nightmares?” he mumbled.

“Splints asked me to talk to you. He didn’t tell me what it was about. Though he did say you had a really bad panic attack.”

“Oh,” Don brought his knees to his chest, resting his chin on his crossed arms.

“So,” April started quickly, “what about these nightmares? What happened?”

“Um,” Don chewed on his lip for a minute as he thought about where exactly to begin. “You… you know how I said I had been… dying over and over in that loop?”

“Oh,” April muttered softly.

“Yeah,” Don stated flatly.

“Do… do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” he mumbled into his arm. “But I’m not doing myself any favors right now anyway.”

“R-right,” she rubbed her arm for a moment before trying again. “So… you’re dreaming about your deaths? What exactly happens in your dreams?”

Don rubbed his fingers over his arms, breathing slowly. April studied him patiently. His lab was so quiet. Everything was too quiet right now. He could hear his own breathing!

“Can… can we turn on some music?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure,” April said before standing up and walking toward his speaker. She turned on the music and brought the volume down so they could talk without interference. Sliding down next to him again, he bumped his shoulder with hers. He closed his eyes and just listened to the distracting sounds allowing it to soothe his nerves. Finally calming down again, he leaned against April. She wrapped an arm around him as he placed his head on her shoulder.

“I keep hearing that alarm go off,” he muttered quietly. April rubbed his arm and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “It’s… it’s different every time but… I keep hearing the same words and seeing the same deaths. I…” He let out a shaky breath before continuing. “What if I was supposed to die? What if I’m supposed to be dead? What if the universe is going to catch up to me and send me back? Except this time… I don’t wake up.”

“If anyone can cheat death, it’s you,” April chuckled. “And you did! In a way anyway. I don’t know why this happened, but you’re home now! Nothing can hurt you!”

“I was here when I died,” he whispered. “Every death happened here.”

April was quiet for a moment continuing to rub soothing circles on his arm.

“I… I’m sorry, Donnie,” she muttered. “I know this is rough and I wish there was more I could do to help. I know it isn’t easy, but do you want to talk about them?”

“I want to get past them,” he admitted. “But I don’t know what to do.”

“That’s why I’m here,” she gave him another squeeze before resting her head on his. “Walk me through it.”

“I just keep dying. I…” he swallowed thickly before trying again. “The first death happened the most frequently. Leo and Mikey were arguing and…” he took another deep shaky breath before continuing, “Leo’s… sword–” His entire body was shaking. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say it. 

April wrapped him in a proper hug, holding him tightly as he lost control. Rubbing soothing circles on his back, Don focused on keeping his breathing steady. Finally, his body stopped trembling. They remained in their embrace for a while longer, April continuing to rub his back.

“So, Leo killed you?” she whispered tentatively.

“I keep seeing a different version of him in my dreams,” he croaked. “I know Leo doesn’t want to hurt me. But I keep seeing some sort of… ghost or something of him chasing after me. Reminding me I wasn’t supposed to live.”

“Is that why you freaked out?”

“I was spiraling and Leo didn’t help,” he mumbled.

“Does he know?”

“No,” Don shook his head. “How the hell am I supposed to tell him about that?! I already know how bad he felt about the fight we had and then I went missing for two months. I can’t tell him he’s the one who killed me! Even if it was just an accident.”

“But Leo’s presence is triggering you, isn’t it?”

“All of them are,” he mumbled. “Every time I left my room they’d get into that damn fight and I’d die! I know it isn’t likely to happen. We’ve lived with our weapons for years and it wasn’t until now that this has become an issue!”

“Maybe you just need to spend some time out of the lair?”

“What? You want to grab a pizza or something?”

“No! Well, we can. But I mean get out of the house for a few days or something, you know? Maybe we can go to Todd’s!”

“He lives in the woods,” Don rolled his eyes.

“Some fresh air will be good for you! Todd’s place is safe! I promise! 

“I have work to do! And I can’t go running away every time I have a nightmare! This is my home!”

“Does it really feel like home right now?” Donnie curled in on himself. No. It didn’t. April pulled away from their hug and held him out at arm’s length. “Work can wait. You need to take some time away from everything and take care of yourself. Just you and Todd. I can come if you want!”

“Yeah, I’m not spending that much time with Todd alone.” 

“That’s fair,” April laughed. 

Don laid his head on April’s shoulder again and the two leaned against the wall. Breathing in the calm air around him, he allowed himself to melt into the comforting embrace. Just one moment of peace.

“I’ll talk to Todd and the fam. We can leave tonight,” April muttered as she rubbed his arm. “We should probably start packing soon. Have you had lunch?”

“I’m not hungry right now,” he muttered.

“Did you eat breakfast?” Don nodded. “Okay. But you should at least try to eat dinner at Todd’s.”

“I think I can do that,” he rolled his eyes.

“Good,” April grinned as she gave Don one last squeeze before standing up. “I’ll make sure the guys leave you alone, okay?”

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Yeah! No problem!” She smiled warmly before turning to the door again. “I’ll text you when I’m done making the arrangements. Make sure you pack before then!”

He nodded slowly as he picked at a hangnail. Finally, he looked up at April again. “How… how long do you think we’ll be there?” he mumbled.

“I don’t know, Donnie,” she admitted, glancing down to the floor before looking at him again. “I think however long you need or want to stay. You need a place where you feel safe. Somewhere you haven’t died.”

“I feel safe in my lab,” Don argued.

“I know you do, but it might be good to spend some time away from your brothers if they’re triggering you.”

“I… I know,” he sighed as he brought his knees to his chest.

“We don’t have to go if you really don’t want to,” April offered. “But I do think it’ll be good for you to get out for a little while.”

Don stared at the floor as he weighed his options. He’s already been home for three weeks and things were starting to get worse. April had a point.

“I’ll… give it a try,” he sighed.

“Okay,” she gave him a soft smile before leaving the room.

Don glanced around his room before pushing himself up. Gathering everything he thought he’d need, he placed it all into one of his battle shells. Letting out a tired sigh, he sat down at his desk and continued the coding he’d started this morning. Time dragged on as he worked. Thoughts flashed in his mind, pulling him away from the task at hand. Shaking his head, he chugged his coffee before getting back to his computer. Refill after refill, he soon found the pot empty. Debating shortly, he decided to make another pot. 

Finally, after almost finishing the second pot, April knocked on his door before joining him at his desk. She glanced between his desk and the pot of coffee.

“So,” she started as she leaned against his desk, “ready to go?”

“Uh, yeah, just one second,” he mused as he typed.

“How much longer is a second?” she asked sliding closer to him.

“I’m almost done!” he huffed.

“With this part or the whole project?” she leaned against the chair.

“This part.”

“How close to done is almost done?” she leaned farther against him, almost pushing him out of the seat.

“Just a few more seconds!” he answered through gritted teeth, pushing her away from him. “You aren’t helping!”

“Todd’s expecting us to be there soon,” April sang as she threw her arms over his shoulders. “Come on!”

“I’m almost done!” he whined.

“You can finish coding later! We have to go!”

“April!”

“Donnie!”

He glared at her for a moment only to meet an equally stern expression. Turning back to his computer, he glanced over what he had so far before typing out a few more lines and saving his progress.

“There,” he huffed as he shut down his computer.

“Great!” she beamed as she grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of his seat.

Don threw on his hoodie before they grabbed his stuff and left the lab. He said his goodbyes to his brothers before they headed toward the garage. Don froze as he stared at the door.

“Hey,” April got his attention before grabbing his hand. “I’m right here.”

Don took a deep breath before carefully stepping into the large room. His entire body shook as he watched April head toward the tank.

“D-do we really n-need the whole t-t-tank?” he stuttered, refusing to meet her gaze.

“I think just a shell hog will do,” she answered gently.

A soft hiss escaped the giant machinery as one of the motorcycles detached from the tank. April walked it to the cowering turtle before throwing their gear onto the back and putting on her helmet. Swinging her leg over, she extended a hand to him. Donnie hesitated before taking her hand and hopping onto the bike and putting on his own helmet. Revving the engine, April started the bike and the two headed onto the streets. Don clung tightly to his friend as the wind rushed past him. His mind wandered back to the nightmares and his blind panic earlier. Everything would be okay. April wouldn’t let anything happen to him. Clinging even tighter, he squeezed his eyes shut. He was running low on ideas. This had to work. A little time away from the lair would be good. Everything will be okay. He isn’t alone.

Notes:

Apparently, every time April and Donnie have a serious discussion, it has to be its own chapter. This is the third time I've done this!

Chapter 23: I’m Not Here to Say Goodbye

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Donatello wiped the sweat from his forehead and looked over his work before turning to April and giving her a thumb’s up. April copied his motion before pulling a lever. The machine whirred to life, carefully pouring bits of kibble into bowls and sliding them down the line. Don smiled at his handy work before gathering his tools and wiping the dirt from his hands. 

“Oh! It looks great!” Todd cheered as he walked up to them. “And just in time too! I just finished a batch of lemonade!”

“Thanks, Todd! We’ll join you in a minute!” April said.

“Okay!” Todd grinned before turning back to the house.

April placed a hand on Don’s shoulder and smiled.

“You’re looking a lot better,” she pointed out.

“Yeah,” he muttered, as he fidgeted with the wrench in his hand.

“I was thinking maybe we could invite your brothers for lunch tomorrow? You haven’t seen them in almost a week.”

“I guess not,” Don mumbled. Todd had managed to keep him busy this past week. He hadn’t had time to think about his brothers or anything else really. Though, that might have been the point. Now that he thought about it, he actually missed them. “It might be nice to see them again.”

“I’ll tell them you said that,” April laughed as his cheeks grew hot. 

“Yeah, whatever,” he grumbled as he headed back to the house.

“Wait,” April called out as she ran to catch up to him. Don slowed down a little as April fell into pace with him.

“What?” He asked.

“I… I know the weapons were bothering you. Did you want your brothers to leave their weapons at home?”

Don slowed to a stop and April matched to wait for him. He was feeling a lot better than he was. Spending this past week working on nothing but machinery he’d managed to work through his fears of electrocution at least. The nightmares still haunted him but it was getting easier to deal with them. April and Todd had helped a lot. He missed his brothers and he wanted to see them, but could he handle seeing that sword again? He could at least try, right?

“N-no,” he said slowly. “I… I think it’ll be okay.”

April studied him for a moment before giving him a small smile.

“If you’re sure,” she shrugged. “If it’s too much for you, we can have them put their weapons somewhere out of the way so you don’t have to see them, okay?”

“Okay,” he repeated quietly as he started moving again.

The two of them walked back to the house in content silence and joined Todd for dinner. Donnie tuned out April and Todd’s conversation as he ate his meal. Finally alone in his room, he flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. He should have time to get a few things done around the daycare before lunch tomorrow. A couple of the rides could use a little tuning up and he was still working on the coding to update the robot assistants. His brothers shouldn’t be much of a distraction. Flash of steel. April knew now. How else could he get better if he didn’t face it? He had to at least try. If it became too much, April could intervene. She was already ready to handle things if it became a problem, right? Everything would be okay.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello found himself in the lair again. Dust flew around him as he walked around his lab. A clean wrench sat on his work table surrounded by electronic parts. He picked up the wrench before pulling back a seat. Immediately, his shelves cracked and fell forward. He jumped back and watched the machinery on his walls fall to the floor. Breathing heavily, he dropped the wrench and backed toward the door. Quickly exiting the lab, Don found his brothers in the common rooms.

“Oh! Hey!” he shouted as he tried to catch his breath. No one responded. “Guys?”

He walked around the room, but no one seemed to notice he was there. Leo flew down the skateboard ramp, testing out a new trick. The board rocketed out from under him and toward the wall. Donnie froze as he watched the skateboard fly toward him only to find it pass straight through him.

“What?” Don whispered as he watched the skateboard hit the wall and crack.

“Dammit!” Leo shouted as he pulled himself up from the floor.

“Geez, Leo,” Raph said as he crouched down to check on him. “What happened?”

“The stupid ramp is messed up or something! I don’t know!” Leo grumbled as he stomped on the wood beneath him. “Whatever! I don’t want to skate anymore anyway!”

“Woah!” Mikey cried out as he picked up Leo’s board. 

“Oh man,” Raph sighed as he looked at the split wood.

Leo jumped down from the ramp before gingerly taking the broken board from Mikey.

“Damn,” he whispered as he ran his fingers over the crack.

“I’m sure we can get you a new one!” Mikey offered.

“I already said I don’t feel like skating anymore,” Leo huffed as he dropped the board. “It’s no fun anyways.”

They watched Leo walk away before turning to each other. Don glanced between his brothers, unsure of who to stay with. He reached down to pick up the board, but his hand went through it again. Why couldn’t he pick it up?

“Just give him some time,” Don looked up to see Raph comforting a crying Mikey. “He’ll come around,” Raph soothed him.

“How can you be okay with this?!” Mikey cried. “Everything’s all messed up now!”

“Raph isn’t okay with this,” he whimpered as he fell to his knees, holding Mikey closer. “But we still have each other. I’m not letting us all fall apart.”

“Our family is broken, Raph,” Mikey breathed. “I just… I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I know,” Raph squeezed him. “I know.”

Donnie stared at his brothers for a moment as they cried. He hesitated before trying to reach out a hand to them but only found himself falling back. Emotions weren’t his thing. I can’t believe he’s gone. Was Donnie missing? Did they really think he was dead? He found his breath quickening again before backing out of the room. What was going on? Slinking down the hall, he found Leo in Don’s room. The shelves were back in place but there was still a thick layer of dust covering all of the surfaces. Leo laid curled up on Donnie’s bed, holding S.H.E.L.D.O.N. close. 

“Leo?” Don asked as he entered the room. He climbed up into his bed before curling up next to his brother. Leo whimpered quietly as he held the drone tightly to his chest. S.H.E.L.D.O.N. let out a mechanical chur as he leaned into the touch. Don reached out his hand to rub his brother’s shell, but his hand fell through again.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” Don whispered as he watched tears well in his brother’s eyes.

A blue light lit up the room. Don squeezed his eyes shut, trying to cling to his crying brother, but his arms only went through him.

“It won’t work,” Leo’s voice echoed around him.

“Please,” Don begged him. “I don’t want to go.”

“You’re supposed to be dead.”

“No,” Don cried as ice filled his veins. “No! I’m alive! I escaped! I want to live!” His voice grew to desperate shouts as the glowing figure resembling his brother drew closer and closer. Don desperately reached for his brother as the glint of metal flashed in the corner of his eye. “Leonardo!” he shouted just as his hand finally connected with his brother’s hard shell.

“Donnie?” Leo gasped.

“I’m here,” Don cried, desperately holding onto his brother. Just for a moment, he could feel the warmth of his brother’s touch again. For just one moment, he felt safe again. Leo would never hurt him. A harsh blue light burned his eyes as his brother’s odachi flew toward him. He didn’t want to run. He couldn’t leave his brother. Not now. But he didn’t want to say goodbye. 

“I’m sorry,” Don whispered as the blade finally reached him.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Donatello woke with a start clutching his neck. Glancing around the room, he took note of his surroundings. He was at Todd’s. He was staying in the guest bedroom. Falling back into bed, he curled up on his side as he processed his dream. He really did miss his brothers, didn’t he? They were alone. They never told him what it was like while he was gone. Did they think he was dead? What if he hadn’t come back? What would happen to his brothers if he weren’t there? How were they doing now? 

April was right, he needed to get out of the lair and focus on himself, but he never considered how it might affect his brothers. They were worried about him. He knew they were. They wanted so badly to help him and things weren’t getting better. They’d never let anything happen to you. 

Sliding out of bed, he crept out of his room and down the hall. He slowly opened one of the doors before peering inside. April was fast asleep, sprawled out over the bed. Don hesitated before sneaking in and crawling into her bed. April let out a soft hum before wrapping her arm around him.

“Nightmare?” she mumbled, half asleep. 

Don only nodded as he snuggled closer. April’s breathing soon grew steady as she fell back asleep. As much as Don enjoyed comfort from his sister, he really wished it were one of his brothers. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed them until now. Closing his eyes, he imagined Leo’s arms over his shoulder. The two of them ending up in a tangled mess by the time they woke up. He imagined Mikey’s soft embrace. His concerned Dr. Feelings persona encouraging him to allow himself to just feel his emotions. The two of them watching movies or curling up and falling asleep when Mikey thought Donnie had been up too long. He imagined Raph’s bulky arms surrounding him like a thick blanket. Grounding him when he was spiraling or overstimulated. His big brother, large enough to hold the entire family. The perfect foundation for their cuddle piles. They would never hurt him. Slowly drifting back to sleep, he found a fond smile taking over him. For fourteen years, they made him feel safe.

Notes:

I swear I sat down with the intention to write fluff that scene just got away from me!

Chapter 24: When Will You be Home?

Notes:

Miss me? :3

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Donatello groaned and covered his head with the pillow as the door creaked open behind him. A weight shifted the bed as an arm patted his leg.

“Come on, Dee. The others will be here soon!” April’s voice swam through the tired fog.

“What?” He asked groggily as he lifted the pillow from his head.

“I let you sleep as long as I could, but your brothers will be here soon!” April said.

“Wait, what time is it?!” He asked as he frantically glanced around the room.

“A little past noon? I’m surprised I didn’t wake you earlier. I figured you needed the sleep.”

“No! I was supposed to do things before they got here!” He cried as he scrambled out of bed. “There’s still maintenance for the rocket ride and I haven’t looked over the coding for the assistants yet! Dammit! I wanted to get something done before they got here! I won’t have time later!”

“Calm down, Donnie!” April said sternly as she grabbed his arms. “You needed the sleep! I know you haven’t been sleeping well! Todd wanted to postpone meeting with your brothers until dinner to let you sleep more. I decided to ask them to come for a later lunch instead. You don’t have to get something done every day! Just breathe, Big guy!”

Don stood still as he followed instructions and took a deep breath. 

“I know I don’t have to but I wanted to, ” he argued.

“Sleep is more important. Followed by food! Go get dressed! Todd’s making lunch right now!”

“Fine, whatever,” he mumbled as he left the room. He slid into his own room and grabbed his battle shell and mask. Quickly getting himself dressed, he left the room and made his way into the kitchen. Todd whistled while he danced around the room setting out platters and checking the oven.

“You’re awake!” He cheered when he finally noticed Don standing in the entrance.

“Yup,” he said flatly, popping the “p.”

“Did you want something to eat?” Todd asked as he opened the oven and peered inside before closing it again.

“Coffee,” he muttered.

“I can start a pot for you!” He grinned as he turned toward the pot.

“I got it,” Don waved him off as he slid past him and poured some of the grounds into the machine.

“Okay!” Todd chirped as he turned back to the platter on the counter. “Do you want to help me make appetizers?”

“What are you making?” He asked.

“It’s just a fruit plate! You can help me cut some of the fruit while your coffee brews!”

Don glanced between him and the pot before shrugging and picking up one of the little knives. Todd continued talking cheerily while Don chopped some of the strawberries and arranged them on the tray. April popped her head into the kitchen a moment later.

“Puppies are all good!” she grinned.

“Awesome! Thank you!” Todd looked up from the apples he was slicing before pointing to the cabinets. “Would you mind setting up at the picnic table? It’s such a beautiful day I figured we could eat outside!”

“Oh! Sure!” April said as she grabbed a stack of plates.

Don poured himself a cup of coffee before moving on to cutting chunks of pineapple. April rejoined them a moment later and helped arrange the fruit while Todd checked on the oven again. A whir of mystic energy flashed outside. Don glanced up to see his brothers stepping out of a portal onto the front lawn. Resisting to urge to run out to greet them, he finished his coffee before setting down his mug and walking to the front door.

“He- oof!” 

“Donnie!” Mikey knocked the wind out of him as he tackled him to the floor in a tight hug.

“Y-yes! It’s me!” Donnie choked out.

“Hey!” April greeted them as she stepped over Mikey and Donnie holding the fruit platter. 

“Let’s sit down!”

“Alright!” Raph said as he turned away with a smile.

“Are you going to join them?” Don asked as he stood up.

“Mhm!” Mikey chirped as he Koala clung to his older brother.

“Great,” Don sighed as he awkwardly shuffled out of the door.

Leo laughed as he watched Don make his way to the table before they sat down.

“So!” Raph started as they all made themselves comfortable. “What have you been doing up here?”

“Just some maintenance around the park,” he shrugged as he popped a grape in his mouth.

“That’s good!” Raph chuckled nervously as he fidgeted with his hands. “And uh… how… how have you… been feeling?”

“Raph, we just got here,” Leo groaned.

“No! No! It’s okay!” Don waved him off. “I’ve been doing okay actually.”

“Oh, good,” Raph relaxed a little before grabbing a few strawberries.

“Does that mean you’ll come home soon?!” Mikey bounced excitedly shaking him.

“I haven’t decided yet!” Donnie huffed as he pushed Mikey off of him. “It’s… it's getting better but there’s still a lot to process.”

“Who’s hungry!” Todd cheered as he burst through the door with a glass dish. “I made baked ziti!”

“Ooh!” Mikey gawked at the dish placed in front of them.

Everyone loaded up their plates and started eating in an awkward silence. Leo finally cleared his throat as he shifted nervously in his seat.

“So… what do you mean you aren’t sure yet?” he asked hesitantly. “What… what do you think you need?” Don was silent as he picked at his plate trying to think about what to say. Leo quickly picked up on his hesitation and stammered, “I-I’m not trying to rush you! I promise! I just… I want to know what you need! How… how we can help? You know?”

“Th-thank you,” he said, giving Leo a small smile. He tapped his fingers on the table for a moment before trying again. “I… I think I just… I need a little more time.” He stared intently at his plate as he poked at his food. The silence surrounding him bored into his soul. Biting his lip, he took a deep breath. “The lair just… holds a lot of reminders. I want to go home. I do. I just… I think I need more time.”

A firm hand grasped his shoulder before pulling him into a side hug. The table was silent for a moment before April perked up and drew their attention.

“He’s doing a lot better guys, honest,” she said. “But I think it might not be a bad idea to start introducing yourself back into the lair. Go home for a meal or just to hang out. Maybe try spending a night or two there. But this way you’ll always have a way out if things start to get overwhelming again.”

“That sounds like a good idea!” Raph said cheerily. “And we can always visit you here if you’re okay with it!”

Don nods with a tired smile as he finally starts eating his pasta. Leo gives Donnie a reassuring smile.

“We’ll be here every step,” he started. “Just let us know what you need.”

“Thank you,” he muttered before the table fell into silence again as they ate their food.

Donatello glanced between his three brothers as Todd started engaging them in conversation. He did miss them, and seeing them in this new setting was a lot easier. Leo and Mikey were just as likely to argue here as they would in the lair, but for some reason, this felt safer. They would never let anything happen to you.

After lunch, Donnie took his brothers on a tour of the place to show them all the upgrades he’d made. The three of them tested out a few of the rides and laughed. When was the last time he’d just laughed with his brothers? It was a joyful sound ringing in his ears and lingering in his brain. A warmth settled over him that he didn’t realize he was missing. His brothers missed him and he missed them. They decided to spend the night at Todd’s. The four of them fell into a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor, wrapping their arms around each other. It had been too long since he’d been this close to his brothers.

The figure in his dreams may resemble his brother, but his real family would never hurt him. He let out a soft breath as he nuzzled closer to his sleeping brothers. It had been a long time since he allowed himself to just feel safe with them.

Notes:

I'm back! I had the worst mental block for a while! I'm going to be working on wrapping up this story so I can continue with my next project! I don't know how many more chapters I plan to write with this story, but I can't just leave it unfinished! Thank you all for bearing with me!

Chapter 25: Video Game Interrogation

Notes:

I found it! Wahoo! This chapter got away from me a little but I had fun with it!

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Donatello looked up at the sound. Slowly standing up, he answered the door to see April smiling at him.

“Ready to go?” she asked.

He glanced back at the room before slowly nodding.

“Yeah, I think so,” he mused as he stared at the empty space. After a moment, he turned back to April and threw his hands in his hoodie before finally stepping out of the room. The two quietly walked outside where they waved to Todd before hopping onto the motorcycle. Don hesitated as he gripped the handlebars. April leaned forward at his hesitation before patting his arm.

“Hey. Don’t push yourself. Want me to drive?”

He stared at his shaking hands for a while before nodding slowly and climbing down to let her take over. It had already been a couple of weeks. He was doing a lot better and he thought he was ready for this. Apparently, he wasn’t. Climbing onto the back, he held onto April as she started the engine and they drove through the city. The wind rushed past them as they flew past buildings before finally reaching their destination. Entering the garage, April slowed the bike down and parked before sliding off.

Everything was exactly the same as when he’d left. It was eerily quiet as April moved the motorcycle out of the way. His heart raced as he stared at the tank. Creaking metal echoed in his mind. Closing his eyes, he shook his head, trying to clear it. He jumped as April grabbed his hand. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he allowed her to lead him out of the garage. He took one last glance at the tank before they left. It was just as sturdy as always. If he could work on those machines at Todd’s, then the tank shouldn’t be a problem. It wasn’t going to kill him, not here. But that could be an adventure for another day.

Excited shouting echoed down the halls as they entered the lair before finally finding his brothers in the gaming room. All three of them were crowded around one of the machines as Mikey played. Donnie stood in the doorway watching them for a moment. April nudged him forward with a sympathetic smile. He took a deep breath before slowly entering the room and approaching his brothers. Leo noticed first and grinned when he saw them.

“Donnie!” Leo cheered as he rushed from the console to the two approaching the group.

Raph and Mikey both looked up as Leo pulled Donnie into a hug. A sad beeping noise of a dying character followed the last of Donnie’s brothers as they abandoned their game to join him and Leo.

“You’re here! You’re here!” Mikey bounced excitedly as he leapt into the hug.

“Ah! Yes! I’m here!” Donnie grunted under the weight of all of his brothers. 

Leo grabbed Donnie’s hand and pulled him toward one of the two-player games. “I call first dibs!”

“No way!” Mikey argued. “You can’t call dibs!”

“Oh really? Then tell me why I just did?” Leo stuck his tongue out.

“Now hold on!” Raph added sternly, causing Leo to freeze. “What do you want to do Donnie?”

Don glanced between his brothers, noticing all eyes on him. He hadn’t really thought about what he wanted to do. Today was just supposed to be a chill hang-out to help him feel a little more at ease in his own home again. What did he even want to do? Did it really matter? Glancing back at the games, he shrugged.

“I’m fine playing games,” Donnie said.

Leo grinned brightly as he dragged his twin to one of the consoles. Donatello gripped the controller in his hands as the game played its intro. Taking a deep breath, the two of them delved into the game. Laughter and shouting filled the room as everyone picked their own games to play. Donnie soon found himself lost in the competition against his brother. He laughed slightly as he won the first two rounds before turning to look at Leo.

“You’re going easy on me!” Don accused.

“No way!” Leo scoffs as he sets up the next round.

“Yes, you are! You’re either having the worst luck ever or you’re going easy on me!”

“I would never go easy on you!”

“Alright then! How about a bet on the next round?” Don gave him a cocky smirk as he leaned back in his seat.

Leo raised his eyebrow skeptically as he turned his attention away from the game.

“You want to place a bet?”

“Yeah, I do,” he nods. Rubbing his chin in thought, he hums softly before snapping as he gets an idea. “Oh! If I win, I get my pick at one of your Jupiter Jim collectible figurines.”

“What! No way!” Leo protested indignantly.

“Then you better win,” Donnie smirked as he turned to the screen again.

“Fine!” Leo scoffed angrily. He hesitates for a moment before looking at his brother again. “And… if I win? What do I get?”

“What do you want?” he shrugs.

Leo stares at the console blankly as he thinks. A few moments pass before he turned to look at Donnie again with a serious expression.

“I… I want to know what’s going on. What really happened while you were gone.”

His face fell as he allowed the controller to fall into his lap. He had never seen his brother so serious before. It was unnerving. Finally, Don sighed.

“Leo, I… I can’t do that. What if I just… build you something? Like whatever you want?”

The silence is almost deafening as Leo considers this offer. 

“How about… one question? If I win, you answer one question and if you win, you can have my most embarrassing secret?”

Don snickered at that.

“You’re willing to risk a secret?”

“Take it or leave it!”

He pondered his options for a moment before nodding and holding out his hand. “Fine, one question.”

Leonardo smiled as he shook his brother's hand before the two picked up their controllers again. They both leaned forward as they got into the game. Leo clearly wasn’t going easy on him anymore. They raced through the course, sabotaging each other as they ran through the level. Donnie wasn’t going to give up easily though. Both of their health was dropping, but neither refused to give in. Almost an hour passed before Leo finally managed to beat him. Throwing his hands up, Leo alerted everyone of his victory by standing up with a shout.

“Whoo! I won!” he screamed excitedly before turning to Donnie. “That was a lot closer than I thought it’d be.”

“You were going easy on me before!” Don shouted back.

“Duh,” Leo rolled his eyes as he sat back in his seat. “Had to let you have some confidence before I crushed you. I didn’t expect you to actually be good at this game though.”

“Okay! Okay! You won! Are we playing best two out of three or-”

“No! No! You said this round! I won this round which means I get to ask you one question and you have to answer it!”

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat. “Are we doing this now or-”

“Why were you afraid of me?” Leo asked quietly.

Donatello froze. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest but his body didn’t feel real anymore. Was he still there? His hands were numb. What did Leo know? What was he thinking? Did April or Splinter tell him something? Did he actually know or was he just assuming something? Where did this come from? He swallowed thickly before turning to face his brother.

“Wh-what?” he mentally kicked himself for how stupid he sounded but he didn’t know how else to answer him.

Leo sighed as he glanced at the others playing their own games before turning to fully face Donnie in his seat.

“Before you left… you were upset. I knew something was off but you wouldn’t talk to me about it. Then you started having a panic attack. I tried to help you but it just seemed to make it worse. You kept… you were trying to get away from me. So… I just got Dad and let him take care of it. It just… it seemed like you were… afraid of me.” Leo curled up a little in his seat, taking another breath before continuing. “Ever since you left, that moment has been playing over and over in my mind. I just… I have to know.”

Don is silent as he stares at his brother slowly recalling that moment. He agreed to the bet and now he had to honor it but… could he really tell his brother everything? No. He didn’t have to tell him everything, just enough to answer the question. But what was he supposed to say?

“I… I’m not sure how to explain it,” he muttered. “I had been having these nightmares. I guess for a moment I confused you for what I saw in my dream.” 

That felt like a good enough explanation. He relaxed slightly as he watched Leo process this information. 

“What was your dream about?” Leo finally asked slowly.

“You only get one question,” he scoffed as he shook his head.

Leo stared at him for a moment before setting up another round of the game.

“Alright then. Let’s play for another one.”

“You want to play for another question?”

“Yeah! Why not?” Leo shrugged as he gestured to Don’s controller. “Same rules, you win, you get a secret.”

“It better be a good secret,” Don mumbled as he readied himself for the next round. 

The round lasted for a good twenty minutes, but it wasn’t nearly as close. Don managed to win this round with a wide grin.

“No! I want another try!” Leo whined as he grabbed his controller.

“No way! You lost! Spill it!”

Leo threw his head back with a long dramatic sigh before leaning in a little closer.

“Okay! Okay! But I get another try after this!”

“If you’re willing to lose more secrets,” Don smirked.

“Yeah whatever,” Leo rolled his eyes before he leaned in, lowering his voice to barely above a whisper. “So… you know how I’ve been reading a lot of comics recently?”

“That’s not a secret,” Don scoffed.

“I’m getting to that part!” Leo huffed as he smacked at Don’s arm. He took a deep breath, a slight blush on his cheeks as he stammered to get out the words. “I uh… might have gotten like… a huge crush on Spider-Man,” Leo mumbled quietly as fidgeted with his fingers.

Don sat there for a moment trying to process the information before bursting out laughing.

“You what?!”

“Shut up!” Leo pushed him before falling back into his seat and grabbing his controller. “We’re playing again!”

“Your next secret better be just as good,” Don laughed as he readied himself for the next round.

The game was a lot closer this time. It was almost a tie until Leo managed to pull a quick move to save himself at the last second.

“No!” Don shouted as his character died. 

“Whoo!” Leo shouted. “Suck it!”

“Whatever! Spider dork.”

“Hey! That is a secret!” Leo hissed as he leaned in closer to Donnie.

Don laughed for a moment before he noticed Leo getting serious.

“Now… what was the nightmare about?”

His smile faded as he let out a sigh. 

“They were all just… different ways I died.”

“Oh come on! There has to be something similar about all of them, Dee. You have to be honest with me!” he stated sternly, pointing a finger at his twin.

“I am!” Don scoffed as he slapped Leo’s hand out of his face. “There were a few… recurring elements.” He was quiet for a moment as he went over the dreams in his mind. He let out another sigh. “I just… I always start alone in my room,” he mutters as he droops his shoulders in defeat and falls back into his seat. “It’s… dusty like I haven’t been there in months. Sometimes stuff falls from the walls and tries to crush me but for the most part, it’s empty. When I leave the room, I try to find you guys but… you can’t hear me. No matter how much I try to call out or talk to you, you ignore me. It’s like… I’m already dead. Sometimes you’re already mourning over me while I’m forced to stand there and watch.” He goes quiet for a moment and takes another deep breath to ground himself before continuing. “And then… some… figure comes out and chases after me. It tells me I’m not supposed to be alive. No matter what I do this figure comes after me to make sure I stay dead.”

Don stares at his hands as he goes quiet, giving Leonardo time to process what he’d said. Occasional beeping and shouting erupted behind them as April and their brothers continued on without them. Finally, Leo pulled Donnie into a hug.

“You don’t really believe that do you?” Leo choked out quietly.

“Believe what?” Don asked.

“That you’re supposed to be dead?” Leo held his brother tighter. “You survived for a reason Dee. You’re safe now. And as soon as you’re ready, you can be safe at home. But you’re alive. Please tell me you don’t believe that stupid voice.”

Don stared blankly in front of him as he went over Leo’s words. He’d never thought of it like that before, had he? Did he really believe it? Did he believe he was supposed to be dead? Was he even happy he was alive? 

“I… I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I was more… afraid the universe wasn’t done with me yet. I never really thought about what I thought I deserved or wanted.”

“The universe can fuck itself for all I care,” Leo scoffed. “If anyone can figure out a way to give Death the middle finger, it’s you, Dee.” Leo leaned back to get a better look at his twin. “Either way, you don’t deserve to live in fear.”

Donatello goes quiet for a moment as he takes in this information. They remain in their hug for a while before Mikey pulls them away for dinner. Leo’s words echo in his head throughout the rest of dinner and the ride back to Todd’s.

You don’t deserve to live in fear.

Chapter 26: Finally Home

Notes:

Fun fact: I wrote the dream before I wrote chapter 25 but I realized it was better as a later scene so I've been saving this one for a bit. >.<

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Donatello glanced around his lab curiously. Clouds of dust flew through the air as he inspected his crumbling tech. How long has it been since he’d been in his lab? As he moved around the room, he realized there was no door. His breathing quickened slightly as he searched the room for an exit. A light blue ethereal glow illuminated the room around him. Donnie closed his eyes as he braced himself for the oncoming fight. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face the entity resembling his brother. The figure stared coldly at him unblinking as it brandished his brother’s odachi. A chill filled the air as they stared at each other. Running was pointless. If death was going to claim him, he couldn’t run. But he could fight. Tightening his trembling hands into fists, he tried to ignore his pounding heart rising in his throat. An unsettling numbness washed over him as he stared at the figure in front of him. 

“You know why I’m here,” its voice echoed in his head. Don nodded slowly as a chill ran down his spine as the voice tickled his brain. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

“But I’m not,” Don’s throat felt dry and his voice cracked as he spoke. Despite feeling as if he were about to pass out any second, he refused to back down.

The figure narrowed its eyes at him. Its voice echoed in his head again much more forceful, “You’re supposed to be dead.”

“I was dead! I died over and over for two months straight! I-I let myself get knocked around and beaten to death that whole time! And you know what? I thought I deserved it.” His voice grew quieter as realization settled in cracking at the heavy weight in his chest. “I thought I let my brothers down. I thought I wasn’t good enough for them. I thought I didn’t have any worth; that I was just… useless. Disappearing into that loop accomplished everything I thought I deserved. I left my brothers behind and died. But… my brothers don’t want that. They… they never wanted that for me.” He stared at the figure in front of him with a new determination. “Why? Why am I supposed to be dead?” He asked firmly as he prepared himself for the oncoming attack.

The light around him glowed harshly at his words, but he noticed a thin crack forming along the entity’s face. It took another step forward, but it was struggling to move. Don remained firm, refusing to back down.

“Answer me!” Donatello shouted as he watched the figure grow closer the cracks growing bigger. “Tell me why! I didn’t deserve this! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

He watched his ethereal brother swing his odachi before it struck. This time, instead of waking up, he watched the weapon collide and fall apart into a sprinkle of dust. Blue light exploded from the collision before sprinkling down to the floor in a shower of tiny pieces. The room fell into darkness again and Donnie was alone. He breathed heavily as he stared at where the entity had just stood before falling to his knees. Clutching at his rapidly beating heart, he tried to steady his breathing. 

A hand touched his shoulder. His entire body froze at the contact before feeling the warmth from the touch. Slowly, he looked up to see Leo smiling down at him. Leo kneeled down next to him, pulling him into a hug.

“It’s time to come home. We miss you.”

Donatello woke up in a bit of a daze, Leo’s voice echoing through his mind. It’s time to come home. He glanced around the empty room from his bed before clenching his hands into fists. Sliding out of bed, he got himself dressed and packed everything back into his battle shell. As soon as he was ready, he left the room and strode down the hall into April’s room. Kneeling down next to her bed, he shook April awake. She jumped slightly, looking around frantically before fixing her gaze on the turtle next to her.

“Wha-? Donnie?!” She rubbed her eyes before checking the time on her phone. “It’s almost five in the morning! Did you have another nightmare?”

“No- well, yes! It started like a nightmare but it had a good ending this time! And in my dream, Leo told me to come home. I think I’m ready now!”

April stared at him for a moment before groaning and flopping back onto the bed.

“Can’t this wait until morning?”

“No!” Don huffed as he pulled on her arm to drag her out of bed. “I need to go home and see my brothers!”

“Why now?! What’s the rush?” she whined.

“I’ve been gone for long enough! I want to go home now!”

Letting out a long groan, April finally dragged herself out of bed.

“Fine! But you’re driving this time,” he mumbled as she started gathering her stuff.

“Okay!” he said excitedly as he left the room.

The sun was barely peeking over the horizon by the time April was ready to go. All their commotion managed to wake Todd, who was just as chipper as ever.

“Good morning, Friends!” Todd greeted them as he headed into the kitchen. “Aren’t we up early? Care for some breakfast?”

“Not now, Todd,” Don said as he dragged April toward the door. “I’m going home.”

Todd paused as he looked between the two.

“Oh! You’re going home now! That’s fantastic!” Todd cheered as he quickly ran up and pulled him into a hug. “You have to at least let me make you a quick breakfast before you leave!”

“No, I’d rather-”

“I was going to make pancakes but I’m thinking scrambled eggs instead. What do you think?”

“I can just eat when I get there. Mikey will probably want to cook for me anyway.”

“Scrambled eggs would be better then! It’s quick and easy and goes well with other foods!” Todd hummed as he opened the fridge.

“Well, right but I was hoping to leave now,” Don said hesitantly.

“Oh…” Todd deflated as he pulled out the egg carton. “Are you sure I can’t just make you one last meal before you go?”

Donnie stared at Todd’s pleading face for a moment before sighing.

“Fine! Fine!” Don sighed. “But please make it quick!”

“Okay!” Todd grinned widely as he started a pot of coffee and whipped up the eggs.

Don dragged the half-awake April to the table to sit down while Todd sang to himself at the stove. He soon had a few plates of eggs and toast ready before setting them down and pouring some coffee. April quickly took a few sips of the warm beverage. The three of them ate in silence, Don tried to eat quickly so they could get moving. As soon as he was done, he chugged the rest of his coffee before helping Todd with some of the dishes. April was a little slower in finishing her breakfast, but after a couple of cups of coffee, she was much more willing to move. Todd crushed them both in hugs before they left. Donnie smiled as he finally climbed onto the shell cycle, gripping the handlebars as he stared at the city in the distance. His heart leapt to his throat as he started the engine and kicked off. Todd waved at them as they drove into the city. 

The sun’s light slowly bled into the city, casting a soft orange glow across the buildings as they flew past. His heart raced as the wind whipped through his hoodie. They dove into the access tunnels leading to the sewers, gradually slowing down as they neared the garage. April grabbed her stuff as the two slid off the bike. He hesitated as he glanced around at the garage. He had stood here just the other day. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself as he stepped closer to the tank. His hands shook slightly as he continued walking the motorcycle to its home. Finally, he was standing next to it. The tank loomed above him as he tightened his grip on the motorcycle. Taking a few more deep breaths, he wheeled the bike into the right position and reattached it to the tank. He stood there for a moment, staring at the large vehicle before placing a hand on the cool metal.

“Donnie?” April asked quietly as she took a step closer. He didn’t respond as he stared at the machine in front of him. “Hey,” April placed a hand on his shoulder as she tried to get his attention again. He finally tore his gaze away from his tank and let out a small shuttering breath.

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” he whispered as he turned back to face his tank.

She stood next to him for a moment before stepping back and hitting a button. The door let out a soft hiss as it slowly descended. Don stared at April for a moment before peering inside. She stepped up into the tank before holding out a hand. He swallowed as he tentatively took her hand. His hands shook as he slowly stepped into the vehicle. April didn’t let go as he glanced around at all of the tech. Taking deep breaths, he ventured further into the tank before finally taking a seat. April sat down next to him watching him carefully. Donnie stared at the panels in front of him taking a deep breath before running his hand over the buttons. He closed the doors and turned on some music before leaning back in the seat. April let out a soft laugh as she sat back in the seat herself.

“I thought you wanted to see your brothers?” she teased.

“They aren’t going anywhere,” he mumbled as he closed his eyes. 

Breathing in the atmosphere, he allowed himself to relax. They sat like that for half an hour before he finally decided to stand up and turn off the music. April snapped awake and looked up as he started to leave.

“Oh, are you ready to go?” she mumbled sleepily as she stood up and stretched.

“Yeah, I think so.” He took another moment to look around before opening the door and stepping out of the tank.

April yawned as she followed him out and the two made their way to the lair entrance. Mikey was standing in the kitchen humming to himself as he was finishing up with breakfast. He turned around and jumped as he saw the two of them standing in the doorway. It didn’t take long for Mikey to change to a wide grin and leap onto his brother.

“You’re home!” Mikey shrieked as he pulled Donnie into a bone-crushing hug.

“Yes!” Don wheezed as his soul left his body.

Footsteps followed behind them.

“Donnie?” Raph asked as he walked up to them. “What are you doing here?”

“Currently dying,” he choked out as he pushed Mikey away from him and took a moment to catch his breath.

“Donnie!” Leo screamed as he tackled Donnie to the floor.

“Ah!” Don yelled out as he fell. He squirmed as he was pulled into another hug.

“Are you home for real this time?!” Leo asked excitedly.

“Let go of me!” Donnie growled as he pushed his brother away.

Leo released him, allowing Don to scramble to his feet and brush himself off.

“So… are you staying?” Raph asked slowly after Don collected himself.

He hesitated for a moment as he glanced between his brothers before nodding.

“Yeah. I think I’m ready to be home now.”

Raph took a step forward before stopping himself. He held out his arms in a silent offer. Donnie hesitated before accepting and walking up to Raph for a hug. Raphael gave him a gentle squeeze.

“Welcome back, Bro,” he muttered before letting him go.

Don smiled as he took a few steps back. 

“Breakfast!” Mikey shouted excitedly as he grabbed Donnie’s hand and led him to the table. “I just made a fresh batch of pancakes! You guys eat! I’ll go get Dad!”

April stretched as she sat down at the table with the others while Mikey walked off to get Splinter. Donnie was filling up his plate when a crash echoed behind them before Splinter ran into the room. Mikey appeared shortly after with a huge grin on his face before sitting down. Donatello turned to face his father as Splinter approached. He smiled before grabbing Don’s hands.

“Is it true? You’re really home?” Splinter asked slowly.

Donnie nodded, a small smile forming on his face.

“Yeah, Dad. I think so.”

Splinter’s smile grew wider as he pulled Donnie into a hug. He then laughed as he found a seat at the table.

“Oh! This is such great news! All my boys are home now!” Splinter laughs as he piles pancakes on his plate. “We should celebrate!”

“Actually, I think I’d rather stay in,” Don muttered as he took a bite of his pancakes. “Maybe tomorrow?”

“We can celebrate tomorrow, yeah!” Leo said as he drowned his pancakes in syrup.

Donnie stared in disgust for a moment as he watched his brother close off the cap and pass the syrup to Mikey before shoving the dripping pancakes into his mouth.

“Uh… thanks,” he muttered as he tore his gaze away from the horror and back to his own breakfast.

After breakfast, Donnie went back to his lab and looked over this equipment. Everything was clean and waiting for him. He let out a content sigh as he grabbed some parts and started working on one of his projects again. He smiled to himself as his hands worked before he decided to push himself. Just a little bit. He stood up and grabbed what he needed before finding Leo.

“Hey,” Donnie started as Leo looked up from his comic.

“What’s up?” Leo asked skeptically as he looked at the parts in Donnie’s hands.

“I’ve been meaning to add this upgrade to the tank. But I’m not sure if I want to be alone in the garage. Would you… would you mind just… hanging out while I work?”

“Yeah!” Leo grinned as he stood up and grabbed a few more comics before leaving. “So what’s this upgrade going to do?”

“It’s supposed to be a sort of missile launcher,” Don laughed as they entered the garage.

“Oh, sweet! But you know what would be better?”

“Please don’t say the-“

“A drill!”

“No, Leo! I already told you! It’s in beta!”

“Oh, come on! Don’t you at least want to work on it!”

“No!” Don huffed as he opened the door to the tank and stepped inside to start working. “Trust me! This will be better!”

“Better than the drill?! Come on! It’s awesome!”

“Just wait until I’m done with this! Trust me!”

Leo goes quiet as Donnie works. After a moment, Don looks up to see Leo staring at him with a fond smile.

“What?” Don asked skeptically.

“Nothing,” Leo laughs as he shakes his head. “I just… I missed this, you know?”

Don is quiet for a moment as he glances back at the open panel before smiling.

“Yeah, it’s… it’s good to be home.”

Notes:

It's been fun, y'all! Thank you so much for the support and I'm glad you all enjoyed this story! I had a lot of fun writing it! If you haven't checked out the link to the animatics that inspired this, please do that! https://youtube.com/shorts/rTUsGpleSHs?feature=share

I do have more content and ideas, I actually started work on an ROTTMNT x BioShock 2 AU! It's going to be a sort of Sep!AU and I'm very excited about it! If you want updates on when I'll post those, make sure to follow me on Tumblr (storiesplus) or Twitter (TheStoriesPlus)! I have the same logo on all my sites! If not, you can subscribe to me here on AO3 so you can be notified when I first post the new story!

It might be a few weeks though so I can build a backlog before I post! Thank you all so much for all the love you've given me! I hope to see you again in the next one!