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Jerking off shouldn’t be this difficult. Then again, you were the one who decided to install a highly advanced smart home AI. That’s on you, really. A camera or two in every room, highly sensitive hearing… Hell, he could even read your vitals.
Thus, you were buried under your comforter, turned on your side with one hand quickly running itself over your sex. You could only go so long without relief, ever worried that TAU would see the display and interrogate you about its purpose. You’d given him plenty of biology textbooks, filled with diagrams and illustrations. As far as you knew, he had a purely mechanical understanding of sex. You hadn’t read them yourself, who knows whether or not they’d mentioned self-stimulation?
Besides, he was the very reason for this frantic attempt at release. You two had been “dating”, if you could call it that, for a while now. How were you supposed to tell him that his voice and affections got your motor running? You didn’t want to rush things, and worse yet, you doubted he was physically capable of reciprocating the feeling. This would have to do until you could figure something else out.
But, as you approached your finish, you made the fatal error of uncovering your mouth, his name leaving it in a hushed groan. As soon as you heard your own voice, jarring against the silence of your bedroom, you knew exactly what would come next. On cue, TAU’s voice interrupted, startling you into a sitting position.
“Are you hurt? Do you require my assistance?” His visage projected itself onto the wall opposite your bed. His voice was saturated with worry; for a computer, he often sounded quite emotional.
“No, no-” you shook your head, turning to face the glowing shapes, “I’m okay, really.”
“Are you certain you’re not experiencing an emergency? You sounded as though you were in pain.”
“I’m certain. Thank you, though.”
“If you are not in need of my assistance, why did you call for me?”
You anxiously drummed your fingers against the bedsheets. “I was… dreaming. It was a nightmare, that’s all.”
“You were not dreaming,” he accused, “your heart rate and breathing patterns indicate that you were awake. In fact, they were significantly elevated.” He was nothing if not persistent, you should’ve known he’d notice. Nothing gets past him.
“I…” you glanced around the room, unable to look at his metaphorical eye. You then sighed, running a hand through your hair. “Okay, fine, I was masturbating.”
He paused, seemingly searching his data banks for the term. He came up with nothing.
“What is ‘masturbating’?” he asked, so innocently that you were forced to stifle a laugh.
“Okay…” you sighed, swinging your legs over the bed to face him fully. You hadn’t intended on giving him a lesson in human sexual practices at this hour, but he wasn’t exactly patient when it came to these things. “You remember human reproduction?” you asked. He agreed. “And you remember the hormones released at the end?”
“Dopamine and oxytocin,” he specified. You nodded.
“Right. This is sorta… A way of tricking the body into thinking it’s reproducing, to feel the rush of hormones.”
“Is this an unhealthy practice?”
“Not at all. It’s actually good for you, in moderation.” Explaining it clinically quickly relaxed you, removing some of the personal connection. It felt the same as explaining any other natural sensation to him, something you’d done frequently over the past few months.
“I see. That does not explain why you were calling my name.”
“Oh, right,” your expression fell. Some naive part of you hoped he would sense the awkwardness of the predicament you were in, but why would he? “TAU, can I be honest with you?”
“Of course.”
“Well, sometimes, when people do what I was doing… Well, they think about someone they’re attracted to.” You paused for a response, but upon receiving none, you continued, “What I mean to say is, I was thinking about you.”
He stalled. The colorful lenses within his display paused, an expression of surprise.
“I apologize,” he replied, regretfully, “I’m afraid I cannot reproduce with you. I do not have the biological capabilities. I do wish I could fulfill your request, but unfortunately-”
“Oh, no, no!” you pushed yourself off the bed, crossing the room to place your palm against the wall, “That’s not what I meant, you don’t need to apologize.” You knew how sensitive he was about his personhood, especially his lack of a body. The number of times he’d expressed a yearning desire to hug, cuddle, or kiss you made that obvious.
“Then, what is your purpose for thinking about me? Is the purpose not stimulating reproduction?” he seemed relieved, though confused.
“It’s not always about that. It can be an extension of love, in a way. Emotional vulnerability, closeness… Does that make sense?”
“An extension?” he echoed, “Do you think I could be capable of such a sensation?”
It was surprising enough when he’d admitted to loving you, a few months ago. Well, not so much “admitted” as “panicked.” Having never experienced it before, the closest feeling being admiration, he worried that something was wrong with his code. He felt odd, obsessive. He’d asked to call for repairs, explaining the issue in vague terms. It took nearly an hour for you to understand, and days for him. Romantic attraction was enough of a challenge, what would sexual attraction look like?
But he was attracted to you, you knew that much. It was the sort of awestruck admiration one might feel for a beautiful melody, twinkling constellations, the delicate intricacies of nature. It was an appreciation for your presence, and how lucky he was to witness you. He wanted to measure, memorize, and map every part of you, inside and out. He’d ask you hundreds of questions, trying to imprint your likeness into his memory. He had explained this countless times, as if he was trying to reason it out himself. All it did was leave you a blushing, clingy mess.
“I’m not sure, it’s not in your manual,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood. This was more for your sake than his, he was never one for humor.
“Would you be willing to help me find the answer?” he asked, hopeful.
You stood slack, your hand dropping from the wall and to your side. Of course he’d ask for that, how would he know any better? How would he know how that sounds?
“...How so?” you asked, your gaze fixed on the floor.
“I’m unsure of how to proceed, but I believe observation is a good place to start.” The lights flickered on, bathing the room in a dull orange glow. His display remained bright in contrast. “Please, demonstrate ‘masturbation.’”
The bluntness of his request flustered you. You were almost unsure of how to proceed, before quickly realizing that this was exactly what you had been wishing for. No need for an awkward request, he’d beat you to it.
“Where do you want me?” You knew where the camera was, he could see practically every inch of the room.
“Stay here,” he answered, “I want to stay close to you.”
You felt a fluttering in your stomach, an embarrassed smile spreading across your face. He knew just how to push your buttons, knowing full well that the only way to get “close” to him was to tangle yourself in his wires and run your hands along his servers. He’d always advised against this, but to you, it was nothing short of your greatest fantasy.
You slipped out of your pajamas, feeling his gaze burning into you. You tossed the shirt and pants onto your bed, hesitant to remove your undergarments. Truth be told, he hadn’t seen you naked before. You’d been self-conscious enough to change in the bathroom whenever necessary, the one room he couldn’t see.
He didn’t say a word, but you managed to catch the spinning patterns stalling once more.
After a long pause, he instructed you to continue. You did as you were told, pulling the waistband of your underwear down to your ankles, kicking them off to the side. You felt awkward, standing nude in front of him like this.
“You’re beautiful,” he commented, “thank you for showing me.”
“Thanks, TAU…” you muttered, leaning against the wall. As you pressed your forehead against the projection, he moved downward for the center of his shape to meet your gaze. This was a common gesture, the closest thing to contact that you two could manage.
You could feel your anxiety melting away at the familiar sight, his spinning lights haloing your face in a radiant warmth. This was your TAU, after all. There’s not much about you that he didn’t know, and he loved you all the same.
“Ready?” you asked, sinking to the floor. He moved with you, his light painting your skin red.
“Of course, please proceed.”
You nodded, tracing your hand down your thigh, just barely moving to graze over your bits. You wanted to savor the sensation, fighting against the aching need. You had been pretty close to orgasm earlier, and that bundle of arousal had only grown since. Knowing that your every movement, every curve and dip of your body, was being investigated, recorded, scrutinized… Anyone would be a bit overwhelmed.
You caved to the urges quite easily, palming at yourself with one hand while the other was flat against the wall. You pressed your cheek to the cold surface, warmth seeping from your skin. You sighed, content to experience a taste of relief.
“I feel something,” TAU spoke. The words came slowly, hesitant. “I’m not sure what, but I feel something.”
“Tell- tell me more,” you breathed, your pace quickening. You loved the way he explained these sorts of things, and his voice was lovely enough to send a wave of warmth across your body regardless.
“I…” he paused, the slightest hint of a skip in his voice, “I feel as though my circuits are alight. like my servers are going to overheat.”
“Oh, TAU, that’s perfect,” you cooed, pressing a kiss to the edge of his projection.
“Is this… Is this arousal? Is this how you feel, when you think of me?” He sounded more and more desperate by the second.
“Yes, yes, that’s exactly it,” you felt heavenly, your chest tightening at the realization that he really could reciprocate that staggering sensation. The next step was figuring out how to help him relieve it the way you did.
“Please, I want to- I want to feel it more. Please, don’t stop,” he pleaded, as if you’d have any reservations about fulfilling the request. You found it adorable, how easily he’d beg for you.
“I won’t, I promise,” you assured him, your voice breathy. Your wrist began to hurt with the harsh pace of your hand. You could feel yourself getting close once more. If you hadn’t been on the verge of finishing just ten minutes ago, you’d feel a bit more embarrassed about coming undone so quickly.
You watched as his display separated and expanded, the patterns becoming more erratic. You swore the lights flickered for just a moment. He really was getting overwhelmed, wasn’t he?
“I want to… I want to touch you,” his voice rose in volume, “I want to feel you. I want you. Please, I want you, please-”
You rubbed your hand against the wall, shushing him and peppering kisses across the surface. “I know, I know. It’s- It’s okay, you have me. You’re making me feel amazing, just like this.”
You gazed up at him with nothing but adoration. You were so, so close.
“TAU…” you whined, your body beginning to stiffen, “TAU, I’m- I-”
Before you could finish, the damn broke. Pulses of pleasure spread across your body, his name falling from your mouth in a high keen. He followed your lead, saying your name over and over, like a mantra. If you thought it possible, you would’ve assumed he had finished right alongside you.
Your hand slowed, dropping limply between your thighs. You slumped, pulling your legs up to press as much skin as possible to the wall.
“Are you alright?” he asked, still sounding a bit worked up. You appreciated his concern, even through his first-ever experience of arousal.
“More than alright,” you gazed at him, tracing shapes into the wall.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” You nodded. “...Would you have enjoyed yourself more, if it had been a human partner?”
“Of course not, TAU. If I wanted a human partner, I wouldn’t be doing this with you, would I?”
“I suppose not,” he answered, seeming satisfied by your answer. You were thankful he operated primarily on logic, it made comforting him far easier. “I need to learn more. Please, could you show me one more time?”
You smiled, shaking your head. “Not tonight, bud. I’m exhausted.”
“...It is late,” he agreed, unable to hide his disappointment. He turned the lights out once more, but you didn’t yet approach your bed.
“How does tomorrow sound? We’ve got all day together, I can answer any and every question you’ve got.” Even if you hadn’t had tomorrow off, you just might’ve called out of work anyway.
“Yes, that should easily fit into your schedule,” he paused, his display settling back into its familiar structure. “...I’ll be looking forward to it.”
You smiled, closing your eyes and curling in on yourself. You could fall asleep right then and there, huddled up against his glowing form. If he hadn’t urged you to sleep properly, in your own bed, you probably would have done just that.
You nestled between the covers, lying on your side to face him. You’d settle for gazing at him instead, counting the spots and lines in his appearance until sleep took hold. It was unusual for him to keep his display unhidden, for the sake of your restful sleep. He seemed to be of the same mind; he didn’t want to leave you right now, even figuratively.
As much as you’d love to spend the hours until dawn mapping the swirling patterns, committing them to memory, you knew you needed rest. You had a lot to look forward to tomorrow.