It Hurts...

by Ac3Trppola4L1fe

Summary:

Mammon seeks out help from one of his brothers, his comfort is only a facade, but maybe- maybe he can find a way to make the hurting stop?

In which Mammon makes his brothers care about him in the worst way possible, aka using pain to "fix" the pain in his heart.

Notes:

PLEASE tell me if there's something I should add/edit/move/replace to help a chapter flow better (Especially chapter 4).

Chapter 1: Left Without a Word Spoken

Summary:

Mammon talks to someone about his feelings (unsuccessfully)

Notes:

I'm updating this years later because this sounds a bit weird now that im rereading it

I also posted this on Wattpad if you wish to read it there!
(copy and paste into your browser)

 

https://www.wattpad.com/1343079104-it-hurts-mammon-angst-obey-me-one-master-to-rule

You want angst, you get angst

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*

Mammon sat alone in his room, staring at the wall, lost in thought. He'd been feeling down lately, and he couldn't even explain why. It was like a heavy weight was crushing his chest, making it hard to breathe.

He couldn't shake the feeling that he was worthless, that he wasn't good enough for anyone, especially not his brothers. They were all so successful, so talented, and he felt like he was constantly failing in comparison.

There has never not been a time where all Mammon could think about himself was just repeats of the degrading comment made by his brothers- no, there was, before they fell, before Lilith died.

As he sat there in his room right when he was about to finally fall asleep- he heard a knock on the door. It was Lucifer, his eldest brother. "Mammon," he called out softly in a tone made it sound like that, to Lucifer, Mammon's very name tasted bitter on his tongue. "May I come in?"

Mammon hesitated, then nodded, opening the door. Lucifer stepped inside, taking in the sight of his brother sitting alone in the dark room. "I wanted to check on you," he said, concern etched on his face. Bullshit, absolute bullshit. He was suspicious of the silence, and came to make sure Mammon wasn't doing anything stupid.

Mammon forced a smile, trying to play it off. "I'm fine, Lucifer. Just a little tired." After he says that phrase, Mammon can almost here the sound of Lucifer leaving and the door shutting.

Mammon looked down at his hands, feeling ashamed to voice his thoughts. But finally, he spoke. "I'm just...tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. Yer all so talented and successful, and I feel like I'm just...holding everyone back." Why is saying all this- it's supposed to be a secret, he's not supposed to tell- but he just can't stop, words spilling his mouth at the same speed of the tears streaming down his face.

Mammon cries turn to sobs rather quickly. "But I'm always messing up, always failing. I'm a failure, Lucifer." Once Mammon looked up, only then had he realized Lucifer wasn't even in the room anymore, leaving before he even starting venting. And boy, did that make Mammon feel stupid, he was literally telling his bedroom wall all his problems, all his insecurities, almost everything wrong with him. But honestly? He's glad Lucifer left, he probably would have told him to shut up anyways...he would have probably started hating him- no wait, his brothers already hate him.

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter 2: The One With Wrath, Lacking Such

Summary:

Mammon talks to someone about his feelings (successfully)

Days turned into weeks, and Mammon withdrew further and further into himself. His grades slipped even more, and he stopped attending RAD all together. His brothers, of course, didn't care.

One morning, Mammon felt too tired to deal with their insults. The weight on his chest had grown unbearable, and he felt like he was suffocating. He stumbled out of the dining room to his room.

Mammon felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He had always known that his brothers could be cruel, even though his brothers do this all the time it still is so shocking they would.

He ran back to his room, collapsing onto his bed in tears. He knew that he had to stop bitching about it but he didn't know how. The weight on his chest was still there but this time it felt heavier than ever.

Mammon reached for his phone, hesitating for a moment before finally dialing a number. It was Satan, his youngest brother, the first person "Satan," he said in a low voice since he knew Satan had left early to go to the library "Before you decline the call- just...please listen to yer big brother for a while, k? I'll get you a book tomorrow- though I don't have much grimm on me, so it'll have to be a used book....?" "This better be important" Satan replied, his tone displaying his irritation clear as day.

Satan listened as Mammon poured his heart out, telling him about everything that is going on. Satan only listened to him, not knowing what to do with this information he had been given. Mammon, his normally cheery older brother, was going through so much.

Normally when ever he was told something he knew what to do, but not this time. He had no idea what to say to the person who literally raised him and took care of him for centuries.

As Mammon spoke, he felt like a weight was being lifted off his chest. He still was nowhere close to feeling fully better but. For now he was at least a bit better, Satan is not the type to listen to things that will waste his time or that he doesn't care about at least a bit. Mammon's glimmer of hope is shut down as soon as his pessimistic thoughts catch up with him, there's no way anyone could love him, Satan is no exception.

Despite Mammon's thought's, the next morning, instead of him having to come down for breakfast, his tray is right outside his door, as if someone realized he would be too tired to handle going down there...

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter 3: He Knows, But I Doubt He'll Tell

Summary:

He forgot to put the razor away in the morning, but he comes up with an idea, a bad one at that...

Mammon sat alone in his room, brooding over his latest failed scheme. He had been so sure that this time, he would strike it rich and maybe pay Leviathan back for something he never stole.But as usual, everything had gone wrong, and he was left with nothing but a shattered ego and a growing feeling of worthlessness.

He couldn't shake the feeling that he was nothing more than a joke to his brothers, forever stuck in their shadows. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to measure up. And worst of all, his latest failure had left him deep in debt to some demons who were not known for their forgiveness.

As he lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, a wave of despair washed over him. He felt like he was drowning in his own inadequacy, and no one seemed to notice or care. He was all alone, and the weight of his failures was crushing him.

Mammon had always been the one to put on a brave face and act like nothing could get to him, but deep down, he was tired of playing the role of the (un)lovable screw-up. He wanted to be more than just the butt of everyone's jokes, to be taken seriously and respected.

But as he lay there, wallowing in his self-pity, he couldn't see a way out. No matter how hard he tried, it seemed like he was doomed to be the eternal failure, always living in the shadow of his brothers.

And as the night dragged on, Mammon couldn't help but wonder if maybe it was time to let go of his dreams and accept his fate as the eternal loser. Maybe it was time to give in to the darkness and let it consume him.

Without a happy ending in sight, Mammon silently resolved to embrace his fate and let the weight of his failures...no, that fact that he is a failure, consume him. And as he slipped deeper into despair, he glanced at the razor just lying there on his bedside table.

...

After a while, jagged lines of red marred his wrists, thighs, etc. He knows he shouldn't be doing this; he could get an infection, if that were to happen then- no, they wouldn't care, they never have, how is this any different? Mammon's thoughts are interrupted by a throbbing pain that isn't coming from his wounds, before his vision starts to blur and it's hard to keep his head upright.

He hears a creek from the door of his room opening, blonde locks of hair were visible, that's all mammon could see besides the blur of his room, the last thing he hears is the panicked and concerned voice of the Avatar Of Wrath and then a thud...

TO BE CONTINUED

Notes:

I'm sorry, I just love giving characters the same problems as me lol

Chapter 4: Hospital Air

Summary:

Mammon wakes up and wishes he was unconscious for just a little longer.

sorry this chapter sucks lol

Mammon's eyes slowly blink open, once he attempts to get up- he is immediately met with Lucifer's voice. "Lay back down, you need to rest." Satan's voice can be heard quickly after, closing a book with the same hand he was holding it with "For once, I agree with the old man. Sleep, you need it." Satan looks angry at himself, his hands almost tugging his hair as he runs runs his hair through it, he knew something was wrong, mammon literally told him, but he couldn't do anything about it, if only he walked in just an hour earlier.

The machines around him whir and beep in a repetitive defending way, it's annoying as hell.

"Where- why- did you...?" Mammon's voice is filled with panic. They saw. They know.

Beel practically pounces onto Mammon before being pulled back by an equally upset Belphegor. "Please don't do that again- we were so worried... You were out for three whole days. " Beel pleads. They were...worried?

Asmo had taken the liberty of going out to buy Mammon expensive sweets for when he wakes up with Diavolo's money- wait Lord Diavolo? "I decided to get you some treats while you were unconscious, Lord Diavolo payed for them yknow~, you're okay though, right? Hopefully your not in any pain right now..."

Mammon's face flushed at the mention of Lord Diavolo but that quickly just increased his panic, because that means Diavolo is aware of this whole ordeal too.

"I-I um...Didn't watch the newest episode of Ruri-chan, I was saving it for when your better... Do you wanna watch it with me when your out of here?" Leviathan seems embarrassed about admitting to actually caring about Mammon while he was unconscious.

Mammon just starts crying, though quietly. Tears just start welling up in his eyes before they quickly spill out, causing everyone to panic. The words of his brothers overlaying each other, and making the whole situation worse. "Fuck- we're sorry we didn't mean to overwhelm you or anything" "Mammon! Are you okay" "Mammon-"

"Please stop pretending that you actually care-" Mammon says, each word interrupted by his own hiccups and sniffles as he tries desperately to cover how miserable and distressed he looks. Lucifer sighs, "Mammon, we're not-" "You are, j-just stop pitying me- go away."

Lucifer grabs Mammon's wrists, pulling his hands away from his face "Mammon. listen to me."

TO BE CONTINUED