Chapter Text
1 New Message
Makoto Naegi
N: Hey I’m outside the complex. You coming?
H: I just got done with breakfast, be there in a minute.
N: Ok. No rush.
I grabbed my backpack and checked for the necessities. Notes, textbook, pencils, phone, house keys….it looked good. It appeared kind of windy outside, so I also threw on a dark grey jacket. I glanced at the kitchen calendar. It was Friday. I sighed. I would probably have to get it over with today, then. My dad was still eating his breakfast, dressed in his business attire.
“You heading off to school? It’s still pretty early.”
“I know. I just don’t want to keep Makoto waiting.”
“I see. Have a good day.”
“You too. I’ll see you tonight.”
Less than a minute later, I was out the door and down the street, listening to my iPod through one ear. It wasn’t too cold, despite the wind. The music helped me walk faster, pacing my steps to the rhythm.
I’ve been trying real hard/To realize/But some things take a long long/Long long time
I hadn’t heard the song in a while. Hearing it again energized me.
Hold the phone/Hit repeat/Got me foamin’ at the knees/Saw the flame/Tasted sin/You burn me once again
I spotted Makoto with his shaggy, caramel-y hair outside his apartment building. He looked up from his phone and waved at me.
Cut the cord/She’s a creep
I hastened to meet him.
Aberdeen/Way back/Way back/Way back
--
“You’re up early for once,” he remarked. “When I text you to come and meet me it usually wakes you up.”
“Yeah. I woke up at like the crack of dawn by accident, so I had some time to kill this morning.” I gave him a light fistbump, a little ritual of ours.
“Do you even set your alarm in the morning? Or do you just rely on me messaging you?”
“....Possibly the latter?”
Makoto laughed. “You’re hopeless.”
Makoto and I had been good friends since ever since grade school. We first met in the fifth grade, when my dad and I moved into town shortly after my parents got divorced. I got to know him when we wound up in the same class together at school. He and I clicked almost immediately. Our relationship is pretty much the usual story. It started with just sitting side by side during lessons and hanging out at recess, until eventually we found time to get together outside of school. We liked the same shows and videogames, read the same books, always found things to talk about, heck, we had been walking to school and back together every day for five years and not gotten sick of each other. And in all that time it’s always been nice knowing that there was always someone I could trust and turn to, someone to talk to when I had a problem or needed reassurance, and knowing that they most likely felt the same way. I know this sounds unbelievably corny, especially coming from me, but I can’t really imagine what my life would be like were he absent from it.
So, in short, I would say he’s my best friend. Which is good, because I had recently confided in him something very personal.
“So, Hajime,” he asked after we had been walking for a while. “How have things been with you and Nanami?”
I cringed at the mention of her name. I cleared my throat. “Um....Nanami, yeah, uh….everything’s going good with Nanami. It’s all p-peaches and gravy in that department.”
Makoto looked at me with a mocking smile. “You know you’re going to have to tell her eventually.”
“I know, I just...it’s hard…”
“It’s true I don’t know what it’s like, but my advice would be to get it over with as soon as possible. And tomorrow’s Saturday, so you won’t really get another chance until next week.”
“There’s just no telling how she’s gonna react.”
He bit his lip in consideration, and relaxed the back of his head on his hands. “Yeah….I guess no matter how laid back they are, I mean, even on Nanami's level, most girls are usually less than pleased once they find out they’ve been dating a homosexual.”
I’m getting to it.
“But you’re right, I need to do it soon,” I replied, shifting my hands inside my pockets.
We walked in silence for a few moments. I happily took the opportunity to change the subject.
“Has your brother gotten back to you yet?"
"Nope. He's still ignoring me."
I’m not going to beat around the bush: Chiaki Nanami was my girlfriend at the time. She had confessed to me over the summer. We had been dating for about two months now, and I had just recently found out that I had hit a….well, a rock in our relationship. A very big one.
Because I had just realized that I was gay.
It was hard to tell if it was just a passing phase at first, and I concluded I just needed to give it some time. But after my….well, “thoughts” didn’t go away after a very long period of time, it became quite obvious that I wasn’t straight. Even in my state of denial. The only one I had told was Makoto, and I would probably end up telling Izuru if the opportunity presented itself. Coming out to my dad anytime soon was completely out of the question. Nanami would be next.
Outside the school, it was the usual scene. People were socializing with one another, a small group of skaters performed tricks by the curb, a few couples were walking around with or hanging on each other, and others were glued to their phones, waiting for the bell to ring. Just as Makoto and I were about to join the mass of students, I felt someone grab my waist from behind, making me jump a little. I turned around to see a shorter girl with curly hair in a comfy-looking knit sweater that she wore like a blanket. My heart sank as I prepared to fake enthusiasm.
She beamed at me, eyes closed. “Hi Hinata-kun!”
“Hey Nanami. I thought I told you to stop sneaking up on me like that.” I chuckled.
Nanami gave me a quick squeeze and let go. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just happy to see you.”
Makoto leaned in slightly and held up his hand. “G’morning, Nanami-san.”
“Good morning, Naegi-kun. How are you?”
My friend ran a hand through his hair. “I’m pretty good. I almost threw out my back when I fell out of bed this morning, but other than that, all good.”
Nanami giggled. “Glad to hear it.”
“Oh, but I finally got to Naoto Shirogane’s Midnight Channel last night in P4G.”
“Really? I love that part!”
“Yeah, but I can’t figure out where the ID card I need to get to the dungeon boss is.”
“Oh, that. You just have to retrace a few floors and fight the mid-boss. It’s on the fourth floor. And get ready, because there’s a crazy plot twist coming up.”
“Ok. Will do. Thanks.”
I smiled. When it came to being a third wheel, Makoto was usually a pretty good sport about it. It helped that he and Nanami got along well. He warily jammed his hands in his pants pockets and stood up straight. “Well, as much as I’d like to stick around, I told Kuwata and Asahina I would meet them behind the gymnasium this morning.”
My brows furrowed. “Kuwata and Asahina? Why?”
“They’re trying to start a prank war with Togami. They’re having a lot of trouble getting him into it, so they asked for my help. I’ve expressed several times that I want no part in it, but they seemed pretty adamant about me being involved.”
“Are we talking about Byakuya Togami or Byakuya Twogami?”
“Twogami’s in your class.”
“I know. Just checking.”
“Anyway, enough said. I’ve gotta split.” He smiled wide. “It was good to see you, Nanami.”
“You too.”
Just as he turned in the direction of the gym, I realized what was happening. Makoto was leaving me alone with Nanami. Sans third wheel. Just me. And my girlfriend. With no excuse not to tell her. Without thinking, I blurted “Makoto, wait---”
He swiveled his head and gave me a sideways glance of a thousand words. It said Sorry man. You’re on your own for this. You’ve gotta tell her. My stomach twisted slightly. My brain screamed No, no no no no don’t you dare leave me here with her. Just as I was seriously considering running away, I felt Nanami hold my hand. I looked down at her. Her beautiful face was smiling sweetly. “C’mon, let’s go. I still need to eat breakfast.”
I nodded, mimicking her cheerfulness. In retrospect, that slick bastard had probably made up the whole thing about Kuwata and Asahina. Dammit, Makoto.
Nanami and I sat on a bench in the shade of a large tree along the main pathway perpendicular to the school. It was a nice day. The wind had subsided and the sun had emerged from behind the clouds, so it was bright despite the brisk temperature. I told myself to enjoy it while I could, because winter was just around the corner. I watched Nanami eat her breakfast, consisting of a bag of bread and a thermos of hot chocolate she had brought from home. An entire bag of bread. Between her games, her diet, and her sleep schedule, I personally find it a wonder that she’s able to stay so thin.
The tight knot in my stomach refused to come undone. Nanami and I had already been close friends before entering a more intimate relationship, so we would probably be able to stay friends. I mean we had kissed a couple of times, but it wasn't really actual kissing (think awkward adolescent kisses on the cheek). But I was really scared of hurting her feelings. Like, terrified. What if I made her cry? I would feel like a complete heel.
“Hinata-kun.”
I snapped back into reality. “What?”
Nanami looked at me with a concerned expression. “Is everything ok?”
“Uh, yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“I dunno...you just seem kinda spacey today.”
Like you’re one to talk. “Well I...I guess I’m just nervous about midterms.”
She giggled. “Ah, that’s right. I had better start studying too.” She leaned on my shoulder a bit. “Maybe we can study together.”
“Y-yeah, maybe…I already have plans to study with someone, though, but maybe some other time...” I drew in a sharp breath. I had to do it now. If I didn’t, it would bother me all weekend. “Hey, Nanami,” I started. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“What’s up?” Her hand slid onto mine, sending a shiver up my arm. Her gaze was almost piercing. Any form of confidence I had had five seconds ago mysteriously vanished. I tensed up.
“Well I….um...or, uh, what I mean is….” I looked down at her sweet, innocent face, awaiting my answer. Say something, say something!
“I...just wanted to say you look really pretty today, Nanami.”
I am such an idiot.
Nanami’s cheeks burned with a slight pink hue. She glanced towards the ground bashfully. “Wow, um...thank you, Hinata-kun. You do too.”
I swallowed. You’re making this way too hard, you little….
--
I tried. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to her, I just couldn’t. I mean, yes, I fully accept that I will have to tell her at some point, but coming out was hard for me. Even coming out to Makoto. It just was. I’ve never been that good at being able to express my feelings (maybe I get that from my brother) without sort of internally bottling up. And then I feel like I’m ranting to someone instead of confiding in them, and I get the impression I’m annoying them, and I just...it gives me a headache just thinking about it. I feel like I’m the one at fault no matter what the situation. Coming out to Nanami, I would feel in the wrong no matter what I did. And I know that's selfish of me, but I just...I just....oh my god.
Nanami and I walked to class together after she finished her breakfast. We joked, made small talk, and just enjoyed each other’s company for that few short minutes. We were almost to our class when Nanami stopped short right in the middle of the hallway.
I looked back at her. “What’s wrong?”
“I just remembered I left the final draft of my book report in the photocopy room yesterday.” She let go of my hand and shifted directions with a worried expression. “I’m sorry, I need to go back and make sure it’s still there! You can go to class without me.”
“Hey, I don’t mind waiting--”
“It’s ok! Really! I’ll see you after the bell!” she called to me as she ran back down the hall.
I watched her jog toward the stairs. I sighed. I would get another chance after school. I’d tell her then.
I saw another familiar face notice my presence. Upon which, he waved, then bounded toward me, a grin plastered on his face, partially covered by his soft mop of snowy white hair.
“Hinata-kun!”
Nagito Komaeda leapt toward and gave me a giant bear hug, which caught me off guard and almost made me fall over. Why is everyone trying to hug me today?
“Wah! K-Komaeda, cut it out!”
He pulled away, still sporting his goofy grin. “Ha ha, sorry, sorry. I know it bugs you.”
“Then why do you keep doing it?”
He laughed. “To bug you! Duh!"
I chuckled. Well, it was good to see that he was in a good mood.
“Where’s Nanami?”
“Oh, she went to the photocopy room to get the final draft of her book report.”
Komaeda clapped his hands together and held them to his mouth. “Ah, that’s right. The book report. How do you think you did?”
“Ok, I think. It was pretty thick, so there was a lot to analyze,” I said. “Teachers eat analyses right up and probably jack off to the good ones, so that works out well. If only the book itself wasn’t so boring.”
“Yes, I agree. It’s true that it had a lot of depth, but those descriptions were the pits.” Ko let out a sigh. “I was tempted to just skip to the end like I usually do…”
“You know, I’m curious. What was the last book you read properly that wasn’t for school?”
He gave a nervous, lopsided smile. “Dororo?”
I rolled my eyes. “Comics don’t count. Even if it’s Tezuka.”
“That reminds me, are we still on for studying during our free period?”
“Yeah, of course,” I replied. “I’m gonna need all the help I can get for midterms.”
And we walked to class together.
I think now would be a good time to rewind about….let’s say about seven or so years.
Komaeda and I had been childhood friends. When I saw him again in my freshman year of high school, I barely had any recollection of us being acquainted, but these days I recall things about our childhood all the time. If we hadn’t met again, I’m sure time would have taken it’s toll on me and swept away any trace of his existence from my memory. Thinking about it now, with all that’s happened, it kind of scares me. From what I gather, we had been very close.
Fast forward about a week into the school year, about a month and a half ago still while I was dating Nanami and hadn’t realized my sexuality. You know how it is moving onto the next school in the pyramid of educational hierarchy: some faces are familiar, some not. In my class, I already knew a lot of the people, including Nanami and Tsumiki and my friend Kuzuryuu, and many I was on good terms with. Some were foreign to me, like Ibuki Mioda and Teruteru Hanamura (the latter of whom I have made a point to avoid ever since school started after he asked me if I was predisposed to boy’s love, whatever the hell that means).
It started with an empty desk right in the center of the classroom, that had been empty ever since the first day of school. By that time, we had become quite accustomed to it’s existence. It was simply there. All of us probably questioned as to why it was empty at some point or another, but these thoughts lasted no more than a couple of days tops when still not a single person filled the seat. We just assumed it would be empty, always, maybe an extra seat for a student that transferred out last minute. Except that day someone would fill the seat and make it an alien object once again.
He had come in about five minutes after the late bell rang, and our homeroom teacher had begun going over our itinerary for the day at the lectern up front.
“Alright then,” she said in her sharp, straight-to-the-point voice. “If everyone’s here, open your books to page--”
Mid-sentence, she was interrupted by the classroom door sliding open. Our attention was redirected automatically.
A tall, white-haired boy took a half step in, then faltered, lingering awkwardly in the doorframe. He was clinging to a large cream colored messenger bag and a small slip of paper. He looked like he had ran the whole way to school, for his face was slightly flushed and his breathing was a little ragged. Every eye was fixed on him, and he must have noticed. Including our teacher’s.
She eyed him suspiciously. “Do you need something?”
“Um…” He said shyly. “Is...is this class 1-B?”
“If that’s what it says above the door.” Quiet laughter rippled through the room. “Can I help you?”
“I-I was just told I was supposed to come here. But maybe they made a mistake.”
I could tell he was trying his best to be friendly, but I could also tell he was pretty nervous. I felt kinda bad for him.
Our teacher grabbed her attendance clipboard from it's usual spot above the class schedule. “Just a moment.” She flipped through a couple of pages and stopped at the third. She made a thoughtful humming noise before addressing the boy again. “I see,” she said. “You’re the late student. Would you like to introduce yourself?”
“Oh, no, that’s ok--”
“Let me rephrase that. Go ahead and introduce yourself, and we can get on with our lesson.”
“....Ok….”
He stepped toward the front of the lectern apprehensively. He did his best to look cheerful. “Hi, um...my name’s Nagito Komaeda.” He played with the strap on his bookbag as he spoke. “I had to transfer out, but I had to transfer back in last minute, so I wasn’t able to be here....but I hope I can get to know all of you before the year is over!”
And with that, he quickly took his seat. I couldn’t help but stare at him, since he was a bit odd looking. One could tell from a glance that he was super skinny, even though his huge green coat attempted to conceal it. I remember thinking his skin was so pale that one could mistake him for a cadaver if he were asleep. And the funny thing was that at the time he didn’t seem the least bit familiar. I know in these kinds of stories we’re all used to hearing the and I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I had seen him somewhere before deja vu shpiel at this point, but I’m telling the truth. I felt no connection to him whatsoever. When I realized I was staring, I consciously directed my gaze back to my textbook. After a while, however, I saw him look at me. Upon us making eye contact, he flicked his head in the opposite direction warily.
Was he staring at me too?
It happened a couple more times during the lesson. Every once in awhile I felt his eyes rest on me. And to be honest, it weirded me out. Was there a reason he kept staring at me? Why me of all the people in class? I sure didn’t see him staring at anyone else. I tried to ignore it, but that feeling of someone staring at you just nagged me.
At one point it got pretty annoying. Like, almost to the point where I couldn’t focus at all.
This kept going until third period. By then I was quite happy to be liberated from the odd cycle of staring. Aside from that, I didn’t notice him talk to anyone or try to socialize in any way. He had a pretty lonely aura.
A couple of days afterward, things got weirder. Oh no. Instead, he made up weird excuses to talk to me. He must have asked me five times where the principal’s office was and how to use the printers. Directions around the school, the class schedule, how long lunch and breaks were, borrowing supplies, to the point that I resolved that I wanted nothing to do with this guy. I knew he was doing this deliberately. I vividly remember thinking Who the Michael J Fuck does this guy think he is? If he doesn't have any friends, I'm starting to understand why!
At the time I just saw it as him finding new ways to pester me, like testing and retesting the boundaries of my patience. And when he wasn’t doing that, yes, he would occasionally still stare at me. But I wasn’t cruel enough to just tell him to bug off, so I just decided to put up with it. But it was pretty. Damn. Annoying. There were days when I was having trouble containing my frustration.
“Hey, can I borrow a ruler? I lost mi-”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“No.”
“Uh, ok….” long pause. “In that case--”
“And no, I do not know when the Student Store is open.”
“....What?”
“Forget it. I’m leaving. Don't follow me.”
Quite honestly, it was hard not to explode. Venting to Kuzuryuu helped in a pinch.
On about the eighth day of all this, I had gotten out of class and was at a loss as to how to spend my lunch period. Nanami was away hanging out with her friends, and I had eaten early since I had skipped breakfast that day, and I couldn’t find Makoto either. Plus I wanted to enjoy every second I had away from Komaeda. So I decided to pass the free hour somewhere quiet. I eventually decided to go to the school library and pick up my holds. The library was usually empty, save the student rep behind the counter, occasionally Ryoko Otonashi (who read the exact same book every time I saw her for some reason) and Touko Fukawa who spent all of her free time there. I had actually tried talking to her once, but she just squeaked and ran away, and later accused me of insinuating that she was ugly. She was definitely one of the weirder ones, even by the lowest of standards. I had heard some strange rumors too, but I won’t go into those.
Anyway, there were more people than usual in the library that day, and you could even sometimes hear quiet conversations throughout the large room. I went to the holds shelf and found the “H” section. As I sifted through all of the “H” names, I heard a low humming noise. I ignored it at first, but then I heard singing.
“...hmm hmm not/To get too attached to it/The trick/To life is/Not/To get too attached to it”
A boy singing.
“You would kill for answers/But learn to live with/Questions/Who what how why”
I turned to look behind me. There was a boy with a red pair of headphones strapped over his ears, bobbing his head to the music as he looked through the fiction section. It was the new guy….well, not exactly new, more like late, who had been bugging me for the past week. I sighed, realizing my attempt to escape him had failed. I almost didn’t see his headphones concealed by his mess of shaggy hair. He kept singing, and his voice’s soft volume echoed off the shelves. He actually wasn’t a bad singer.
“I’ll sit hmmhmmm detached/Tear out your hair/Oh but on the contrary”
I saw a couple of people look our direction. You know how sometimes when you’re listening to your iPod and you start singing along to the music and you don’t think anyone can hear you since you can’t really hear your own voice? I figured this must have been one of those situations.
“The trick to life is/Not/To get too attached to it/The trick/To life is/Not to get too attached to it”
It was true this guy struck me as pretty strange. In fact, I found him downright irritating. But people were already starting to look his way, so I figured I should do something, despite having no desire to interact with him. I reached over and tapped him on the shoulder. He took off his headphones and turned to face me. Upon seeing it was me, and still recovering from our several awkward encounters earlier in the week, he pulled back a bit and took off his headphones.
“Oh, um…..” he stammered. “....Hi.”
“Hey.” I drew my hand away. I smiled, in an attempt to be friendly. “I just thought I should let you know that just about everyone in this general vicinity can hear you singing.”
“Singing?” His face flushed red with realization. He laughed. “Oh, haha, right, I must have started singing along to my music...I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize. I just thought I should let you know. Komaeda, right?”
“Yeah that’s me. If I got called out by the student rep that could have been pretty embarrassing. Thank you.”
“Yeah, I can totally see that happening. No problem.” I went back to searching for my holds. Maybe they weren’t in yet, because I sure as hell couldn’t find them.
“Uh…” from behind me, Komaeda addressed me again. I cursed internally. Please, please, just leave me alone, no, I don’t know when the nurse’s office is open either. “You can tell me if I’m being a little forward, but….is your name Hinata?”
I froze. I turned back around and looked him in the eye. “How do you know my name?”
His face instantly lit up. “Really? No joke? That’s your name?”
“Yeah, it's Hajime Hinata. But how did you--”
He held a hand to his mouth. “I knew it. I knew it, I thought you looked familiar!”
I cocked my head in confusion. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”
“You...really don’t remember me, huh?”
“No, I don’t.”
“We, ah...we went to elementary school together, and your brother was a couple grades higher,” he said. “And you had to move away at the end of third grade when your parents split up, if I recall correctly.”
I just about did a double take when he brought up my parents. Wow. Ok.
“Well..." I fidgeted with my fingers. "I can’t really place you. Sorry.”
His expression morphed into a melancholic disappointment. “Oh...I see. It must have just been a mistake. I’m sorry for bothering you.” He gathered up his books and turned to leave. It made me pause for a bit. He knew about my parents. And Izuru. I must have known him at some point. It was true I didn’t get any results when I applied his appearance to any of my grade school memories, but...damn, where's good search engine when you really need it?
“Hang on a sec,” I said to no one in particular, and held a finger to my bottom lip.
If he knew that much about me, we must have at least had some sort of connection. I decided to take his word for it and acknowledge that we had, in fact, been acquainted at some point. I rifled through my memories of third grade. The first ones that came to me included almost failing math and having to come in for tutoring after school, getting tripped by a group of petty bullies and spilling my lunch everywhere, and playing in the park near the school campus (fascinating stuff, I know, I lead a daunting life). I suppose the park would be a good place to start. Let’s see...I remembered always going there after school with Izuru when Mom was late picking us up. Izuru would usually just read a book on the park bench, so I would go off and play on my own. There were a lot of kids there who were “regulars” and also had parents who worked late. I vaguely remembered a girl with black pigtails, a boy who always wore hats and scarves, a different boy who I liked to climb trees with…but his hair had been more of a light red. I only barely remembered his face. I just couldn’t get it to come into focus. Climbing trees….wait, and walking home together sometimes….but what was his name? Wait...wait it was....
“Ko-kun.”
Komaeda immediately stopped. He turned back around to face me. “Then…”
“Did I call you Ko-kun?”
“Yes! You did!” he said rather excitedly. “We were in different classes, but we played together in the park….I sort of remember climbing lots of trees.”
My eyes widened. The more I looked at Komaeda, the more the face of the boy came back to me. I was sure of it now. I couldn’t believe it. After moving away from that town, I never thought I would see any of my friends ever again, and yet…
“But what are you--”
“SSSSSSSHHHHHH!!!” I looked over to see an upperclassman shushing us. He eyed us both sternly. I guess we were being a little loud.
“...Let’s go talk in the hallway,” I suggested.
“That would probably be best.”
So yeah, that’s how we became friends. Again.
--
“What do you mean you didn’t tell Nanami?!” Makoto yelled louder than I would have liked him to.
“Jesus, can you keep it down please?!” I hastily whispered, wary of people still lingering on campus. “Like, say, before the whole school catches wind of all this?”
Makoto sighed. “Sorry. But why didn’t you tell her? You won’t see her again until monday!”
“I couldn’t find her! She must have been hanging out with Fujisaki or Sonia or something!”
“Wow. That’s not a very good excuse.”
“I-It’s true!”
“Mmhmm. I suppose you could always call her and tell her.”
“Are you actually kidding me. I am not breaking up with her over the fucking phone.”
“Ok, ok. Sheesh.”
We trudged the way home in silence for a bit. It had rained during school, so the sidewalk was dark and damp from the moisture. But it had turned sunny and warm. The weather today had been a whirlwind, no pun intended. I searched my mind for a conversation topic that didn’t involve Nanami.
“What about you?” I finally said.
He looked at me, confused. “What about me what?”
“You said there was a girl you liked right now. How’s that going?”
Makoto’s posture gave about two inches. “Not great. I don’t think she likes me very much.”
“Ah,” I said. “That sucks. What was her name again?”
“Kirigiri-san. With the purple hair?”
“Right, her. I guess she’s ok. But you're right though, she does strike me as pretty intimidating.”
“I think she’s really pretty, and we’ve talked a few times,” Makoto said distantly. “I just can’t shake the feeling she’s annoyed by me.”
“I was pretty annoyed with Komaeda when we first met,” I offered.
“But you guys have a background. With Kirigiri, I hardly know her and she’s so scary.” He solemnly directed his eyes toward the ground. “Maybe I’m just paranoid.”
“I think you might be.” I nudged him. “You should try talking to her again.”
“I might. She always sits alone at lunch. But I don’t want to seem too...I dunno, forward.”
“Just by eating lunch with her? No accidental touching or anything?”
“Shut up.”
We talked about Kirigiri for a while. Over time the subject changed, and we just chatted and joked like we usually do, which I was thankful for. When we got to his apartment complex, I said goodbye to Makoto and headed onward to my house.
Upon climbing the steps on the walkway, I took out my keys and unlocked the door. Dad never came home the same time that I did. He had an office job, so he usually came home a couple of hours afterward. I entered the house, turned on the living room lights, and opened the curtains, eager to let the light in. I threw my book bag on the couch and made for the kitchen. I always came home from school hungry. I've had a weirdly high metabolism ever since I was a kid. There was a note on the refrigerator waiting for me. In my Dad’s usual sloppy handwriting it read:
Working late tonight, Haji!
Anything you can find for dinner
I’ll be home around 11:30-ish
-Dad
p.s. Call your mom
I sighed. “Not gonna happen.”
In less than seven minutes, I downed two pieces of toast and half a can of Sprite. I didn’t have much homework to do, so I figured I could afford to put it off until I went to bed. I didn’t really feel like doing much. Then I remembered I had stopped reading Ready Player One last night on a chapter with a cliffhanger ending. I couldn’t really think of anything better to do, so I went to my room, grabbed the book from my desk, and plopped down on my bed.
I was a little more than halfway into the new chapter when I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I put down my book, pulled my phone out of my back pocket, and checked the caller ID.
Calling:
Izuru
It was my brother.
I was hesitant. No, nervous even. A lot had happened with Izuru lately. And he never called me unless he had a plausible reason. I hadn’t talked to him in a while.
Nevertheless, I answered it.
“Hello?” Even though I had caller ID, I really didn't know how else to start things off.
“Hajime.”
“Hey Izuru.”
“It’s been awhile since we talked. How are you faring?”
I rubbed my eyes. “Fine, I guess. What about you?”
“I have been well. No different than when we last spoke.”
Does comparing it to the last time we talked qualify as “well?”
“Why are you calling me?”
“Do I need a reason?”
“Knowing you? Probably.”
“I wanted to talk with you. I don’t need any more of a reason than that.”
“Are you calling me because Mom told you to?”
Long pause on the other end.
“No.”
I knew it.
“Christ, Izuru.”
“Hajime, please don’t hang up.”
“Jeez, I wasn’t going to. If you don’t want to call me, it’s fine not to.”
“I...I do want to talk to you. So much has happened, and I know I’ve made things hard for you.”
That sounded like a rehearsed line if I ever heard one. “So you’re calling me to apologize?”
“No.”
“Good. Because I don’t want you to.”
“I just want to talk. That’s all. Can we not manage a simple conversation without associating everything with what happened?”
I didn’t even say anything. Izuru didn’t wait for me.
“Let’s start over.”
“By all means.”
“How is everything going?”
“It’s going good. I have midterms coming up in a few weeks, and I’m trying to hit the books early.”
“And father?”
“He’s good too. He’s been working a lot lately. He's not home right now. What about mom?”
“Mother is just fine. Although, she has been seeing someone.”
“Wait, what?”
“I’m sure it’s just an acquaintance, but I have my suspicions. Apparently he’s a friend from the workplace.”
That sounded pretty fishy to me.
“Do you know his name?”
“I do not.”
“That’s weird. Why would she keep something like that from you?”
“It is strange, but I suppose it’s none of my business. I should respect her privacy.”
“But if it does turn out to be some kind of serious relationship, she’ll tell you, right?”
“I will expect her to. If she does not, it may lead me to question my trust in her.”
God. There were so many things I wanted to ask him. It was hard not to touch that subject. I wanted to know if he was ok. I decided to pry, just a little.
“Have you started school again?”
Another pause.
“No. I’m not allowed to.”
“It kinda sounds like you’re suspended, no matter how you say it.”
“I’m not suspended. As several have phrased it, I am on a ‘leave of convalescence.’”
“...So suspension.”
“Not suspension. It doesn’t go on my record.”
“Fair enough.”
“Was it your therapist’s idea?”
“Mother had plenty of say in the matter as well. I won’t be going back for another month and a half or so. And don’t worry, the school has made a point of giving me plenty to do to keep up with my studies.”
“Now it just sounds like rehab.”
“Well, it’s not.”
I gripped my phone tighter.
“So you’re doing ok.”
A sigh on the other end. “I’ll be alright. I just need some time to sort things out.”
“Good.”
“Um, Hajime…”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for worrying about me.”
I smiled. He was doing better. I could tell. “I’m your brother, dummy.”
“That doesn’t necessarily mean you have an obligation towards me.”
“Of course it does. I just don’t choose to ignore it.”
“I…”
“Yeah?”
“It’s nothing. How are you and that girl doing?”
“That girl?”
“The one you’re in courtship with. You’re girlfriend.”
A pang of guilt in my stomach. “You mean Nanami?”
“Yes.”
“....Not great.”
“Oh? Why not?”
“I just...things are different now, and I’ve changed a lot. I think we’re just growing apart, and maybe we wouldn't have if we were still friends.”
Right after I finished that sentence, I knew Izuru would be able to tell that I was lying.
“That’s too bad.”
I could hear it in his tone. “Yeah. I need to break up with her soon.”
“Well, good luck with that.”
“Thanks.”
“Hold for a moment.” A static-y shuffling noise ensued. “I called you a bit late. I’m being summoned for dinner.”
“Dinner? But it’s early.”
“We’ve been taking dinner a lot earlier than normal lately. How they think It will assist my current state is beyond me.”
“That’s why?”
“What have they not done with that in mind?”
“....Valid point.”
“In any case, I need to hang up.”
“Ok. It was good to talk to you. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“.....I am too. And thank you for talking with me. Goodbye, Hajime.”
“Bye.”
I waited until I heard the low beep of the disconnection. I sat up and leaned my head against my bedroom wall. Things were getting better. I was worried from the start of that conversation that we would just start yelling at each other. Well, that’s how most of our phone calls ended anyway, regardless of how well the rest of it went. It always ended with a fight. Maybe the brevity had helped. I was unexpectedly relieved. Happy, even.
And no, I am not going to tell you what happened. Why, you ask? It was extremely painful and I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry, I'm sure all of you are at least semi-decent human beings, but I still don't want to tell you, so go fuck yourself.
And then I got a text.
1 New Message
Nagito Komaeda
K: Hinata-kun, you left your jacket on the back of your chair today.
I had the mini-heart attack of minor realization. I had not, in fact, come home with my jacket on. It had warmed up after school ended, so I just kind of forgot about it.
H: Will you hold onto it for me?
K: Yeah no problem. I took it home with me already.
H: Thanks. Do you want to meet at the same time tomorrow for studying?
K: That would be great!
H: Ok. See you then.
I locked the screen and set my phone on my bedside table. I wouldn't have my jacket for the cold walk to school the next day, but at least I would get it back soon. So that's why I had felt I was forgetting something when I left.
Komaeda was turning out to be a good friend. To be perfectly honest, I had been uneasy about rekindling our friendship, but I was glad he had said something. Every day I was finding out more about him. All things considered, I found it a little hard to believe he hadn't had many friends since his dad's job got him transferred here (I've had more than a few stalkers become friendly acquaintances). He was funny, kind, had plenty of charisma, he and Makoto got along well, and I wanted him to meet Kuzuryuu, too...I could feel that we might be able to become close again, despite what the time did to our relationship.
I had a late dinner consisting of microwaved leftovers, did my homework (why does it always take longer than you think it's going to?), finished my section of Ready Player One (in which Wade's house spontaneously combusts), took a shower, and went to bed. It took me a while to fall asleep.
I wasn't exactly looking forward to walking to school in the morning in the cold without my coat.