Chapter Text
Remus sat in the infirmary waiting for Madam Pomfrey to let him leave, it had been a long night and he had woken up with a dislocated ankle and scratched up his arm. Remus was stuck in deep thought when James, Sirius and Peter came in. Sirius sat on the edge of the ward bed, still chewing his toast. James shoved Sirius over and patted Remus on the shoulder.
“Are you going to classes today?”
Remus shrugged, “If Madam Pomfrey lets me then I will. We have our NEWTs coming up so I have to be in class”.
Sirius laughed, “Your lucky Moony, I wish I could skip my classes”.
James elbowed him in the ribs, causing Sirius to wince. “You do skip classes, Sirius”. The marauders laughed as Madam Pomfrey came in. Examining Remus’s injuries from the previous night.
“Are you sure you can attend classes Mr Lupin?” She asked, Remus nodded and sat up.
Sirius was looking at the cuts on his arms, he had that look of pity in his eyes. Just like McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, it made Remus feel weak. He hated when people felt bad for him, even if it was for a valid reason.
“Come on Moony, gonna be late to Muggle Studies”, James spoke, helping Remus up.
The group walked out of the infirmary to the classroom where Mrs Froler had started her lesson.
Without looking up she started, “Your late, detention for-” Then she stopped and looked at Remus. “Never mind dear, sit down and start taking notes”. Remus sighed, of course, all the teachers took pity on him too. Why wouldn’t he just be normal?
Eventually, it was the last class of the day, DADA. Remus sat in his chair, organising his notebooks. Sirius sat beside him, tapping his quill on the desk, humming. Remus looked up, observing Sirius’s face. His mouth was curled up in the usual Sirius Black smirk, his hair was messy as usual. His raven black hair nearly reached his shoulders, curling at the ends. How could he not stare, he was perfect, one of the best-looking boys in Seventh year. Of course, all the girls knew that, they all threw themselves at Sirius and he would turn them down every day in spite of his family who wanted him to marry a rich pureblood girl.
Snapping Remus out of his thoughts Sirius cleared his throat, grinning up at Remus. “You looking at something moony?”
Remus’s face went red, laughing through the awkward silence. “Just uh- thinking, something you should try sometime”. Sirius rolled his eyes, “Wow thanks Moony”.
The lesson continued, and Remus noted down everything the teacher had said. Trying hard not to look to his left where he could feel Sirius staring holes into the side of his neck. He tried to slow his breathing and focus on his surroundings. He could hear Sirius’s heart beating, the advantage of being a werewolf. It calmed him sometimes. Like when he was sleeping in the dorms and he’d wake up after a nightmare, the sounds of his friend's heartbeats reassured him.
Thankfully the lesson ended, Remus grabbed his books and hurried out of the room. Not waiting for Sirius to follow him. He ran to find Lily who was sitting in the library studying a book on Dark Creatures.
The Red-headed girl looked up from her book, “Remus? Are you okay?”
Remus sat down beside her, holding his head in his hands and sighing.
“It’s Sirius”.
Lily raised an eyebrow, “What did he do?” Lily looked worried, she shut her book and put it down on the table, turning her attention to Remus.
“You know how you always tell me I need to have some fun?”
Lily wore a confused look, “Yes?”
Remus sighed, looking down and fiddling with the sleeve of his sweater. He took a deep breath and whispered, “I’m gay”.
Lily smiled, holding Remus’s hand, “Remus that changes nothing, I’m still your friend and I support you. Now, about Sirius?”
Remus smiled, pulling Lily into a tight hug. “I think I like him…”
Lily sighed, “And what seems to be the problem?”
Remus tilted his head, “Why would there be a problem?”
“Because Remus, I know that Sirius did something that made you overthink the situation”.
Remus sighed, “He didn’t do anything it’s just- he kept looking at me and I can’t get that stupid voice in the back of my head to leave me alone. I know nothing can ever happen between us but yet that nagging need for him won’t leave”.
Remus didn’t realise he had started crying, tears dripped down his face, Lily gave him a tight hug helping him wipe away the tears.
“How about you come with me, Marlene and Mary to Hogsmeade to get your mind off of it?”
Remus smiled, nodding, but before he could say anything Sirius appeared in his view, he waved at Remus, coming towards the pair, grinning.
“Hey Moony, Hey Evans”
Lily rolled her eyes, “Sirius, I’d love to stay and chat but I have deviation homework to be doing” She smiled, winking at Remus before picking up her books and leaving Remus alone with the object of his desires.
“So Moony, I was wondering if you would help me with this prank I have planned”, Sirius smiled, wrapping his arm around Remus’s shoulder, and leading him out of the library.
“Why, James too busy?” Remus asked, looking his friend up and down. Scanning over all of Sirius’s features. His rose pink lips, his sparking grey eyes and the strands of soft black hair perfectly framed his face.
“Nah, I’d just rather do it with you”, Sirius smiled that Sirius Black Smile and flung himself onto the couch in the Gryffindor common room, taking out his wand and the Marauder's map.
“I solemnly swear I'm up to no good”, Sirius spoke and the map opened up, he paced around the room and Remus watched, curious as to what he was doing.
“Perfect, she’s on her way now”, Sirius grinned, grabbing something that was concealed by a red and yellow Gryffindor blanket.
“Sirius, what are you planning?” Remus stepped forward, taking the map from Sirius’s hands, ignoring the way his skin burned when their fingers touched.
“Well, you know how Marlene has been acting, talking shit about werewolves and all”
Remus groaned, “Sirius she was raised that way, it’s not her fault. Plus she’s our friend”.
“I was raised in an abusive household but you don’t see me smacking you around and leaving bruises on you!” Sirius waved his hands around dramatically, Of course, Sirius was an expert on dropping family-related trauma into day-to-day conversations.
“Leaving bruises on me wouldn’t be that bad-” Remus muttered under his breath, Sirius turned to him raising an eyebrow.
“Hmm?”
Remus flushed, “Oh, nothing. Now seriously, what are you planning?”
Sirius held out the blanket, unwrapping the object that was concealed inside, showing a small pink vile of liquid.
“Sirius, is that Amortentia?” Remus’s eyes widened, this won’t end well.
“It’s not a bad prank, just- have some annoying 3rd year go nuts for Marlene for… let’s say a day and watch as it drives her insane!” Sirius grinned, Remus sometimes wished he had chosen a different friend group.
“Sirius, you're insane! Amortentia is highly dangerous! We can’t do that to Marlene”
Sirius rolled his eyes, opening the vile, and inhaling the scent produced from it. Something shifted, at that moment Sirius froze. His face was dusted with the colour pink and his mouth was hanging open.
“You know what, on second thought- I should just uh- put this back” Sirius stepped back, not realising he had missed entirely the doorway and had backed into the wall.
“Padfoot, are you ok?” Remus was concerned, what had he smelt that alarmed him so much? He’d never seen a girl make him react that way before, surely it was a girl. Right.
“It’s nothing- I just remembered, you have a full moon coming up and me and James- and Peter of course need to plan out a plan. Yes, for helping you not- uhm- yeah”.
Remus was smart, and so was Sirius, he knew when he was lying. Yes, the full moon part wasn’t a lie but they never had to plan anything out. What was he hiding?
Sirius dropped the vial before running out of the common room, the glass smashed causing the Amortentia to lay all over the floor. Remus inhaled, oh god. It smelt like Sirius. Leather, nail polish, dog fur, pine from the forbidden forest. It was intoxicating, the whole room was purely him.
Remus stepped back, sitting against the wall with his knees tucked into his chest. Closing his eyes and wanting to go away. Trying to change the scent around him, why did it have to be him who he desired most, why Sirius fucking Black?
“Remus?” Oh thank god it was just Lily.
Remus looked up, trying to stand up Covering his nose so he couldn’t inhale any more of the scent.
“What happened? Why does the common room smell so- so nice? Is that broom polish- and… oh- it’s Amortentia isn’t it?”
Remus nodded, tears started forming in his eyes as his vision went blurry. He tried to speak but the sound of his voice was replaced by a throaty sob as the tears poured down his face. Lily came towards him, pulling him into a tight hug as Remus sobbed. Eventually, the redheaded girl pulled away, “Remus, what happened?”
Remus’s eyes were red from crying, he took a deep breath and explained to Lily what had happened, from the Amortentia to Sirius running away freaked out.
“Oh Remus, I’m so sorry”, Lily rested her hand on Remus, rubbing circles on his back. Remus sniffed rubbing his eyes, god the whole room still smells like Sirius.
“Lily, can we go somewhere that… doesn’t smell like- him”, Lily nodded and took Remus to Professor Slughorns' class, explaining that someone (who she didn’t name) dropped Amortentia in the Gryffindor common room and would need to clean it up.
Slughorn sends an owl to Professor McGonagall, and then dismisses Lily, wanting to ask Remus some questions.
“Mr Lupin, I understand Miss Evans wanted to prioritise helping you, but I might ask. Can you tell me who it was who took the Amortentia?”
Remus thought for a moment, he couldn’t give Sirius up like that. He would just have to lie,
“I’m sorry Sir, I can’t tell you”.
Slughorn sighed, “Well, your friends are lucky to have you. Now, run along and stay out of trouble”.
Remus thanked Slughorn and left, he needed to find Sirius. Shame he didn’t have the map, but then to be fair Sirius wouldn’t be that hard to find he never was. Remus started walking along the corridor, he felt something, like someone was watching him. Before Remus could turn around a hand was covering his mouth and he was being pulled into a broom cupboard.
Remus started yelling until he saw the person who was now standing in front of him. Sirius.
“Sirius!? What are you doing!?” Remus yelled at him, trying to keep his composure. Trying not to stare at Sirius’s perfect face and how his white school shirt sits perfectly, showing off his collarbone and- Sirius cleared his throat.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer”, Sirius smirked, Remus went bright red. Opening his mouth to reply but nothing came out and he was left opening and closing it like a fish out of water.
“Do I make you feel nervous Moony?”, Sirius was looking right into his eyes, that stupid Sirius Black smile. Remus wanted to slap it off of him or, kiss it off of him, either worked.
Sirius leaned in closer, kissing the underside of Remus’s jaw. He melted, and Remus thought his heart was going to explode. Sirius’s lips on his skin made him feel electric, every part of him was on fire and it felt amazing.
Then everything turned to shit.
The broom closet opened and standing in the doorway was Regulus Black, Sirius’s brother who was in 3rd year. Regulas’s eyes widened, he looked between the pair. Sirius was leaning in, his body touching Remus’s with his head craned over. Remus was bright red and his eyes were glazed over.
The black brother raised an eyebrow smirking, “You are in so much trouble”. Regulus turned, striding away from the pair of boys still in the cupboard. Sirius ran after him leaving Remus standing there alone.
“Regulus don’t, please!” Sirius shouted after him, pulling him back by his arm. Regulus yanked his arm back. “You threw me under the bus for that stupid prank you pulled with James, well I think you deserve some punishment”.
Sirius clenched his fists, “Reggie please, you can’t tell them. They’ll kill me!”
Regulus looked at his brother, taking a deep breath in, “Knowing you, you’ll find a way to talk yourself out of it”.
With that, Regulus walked off, Sirius cursed, punching the wall then immediately retracting his hand, wincing. How could he have been so stupid, his parents are going to lose it. He has to talk to James.
Sirius ran up to their dorm, yelling, “James! Jaaaames!?”
James appeared from beside his bed, “Sirius?”
Sirius grinned, throwing himself onto James' bed, sitting with his legs crossed, and pulling James over to sit next to him.
“We need to talk, it’s important”. James raised an eyebrow, pulling back the curtains on his bed and casting a silencing spell, “Muffliato”.
Sirius rocked back and forth with his knees tucked into his chest, fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt and tapping his wand against the bedpost.
“Sirius, what happened?” James asked, worried for his friend.
“I kissed Remus”, Sirius looked at James. James’s eyes widened, his mouth hanging open.
“You kissed Remus!? That’s great Padfoot, I’m so proud of you!” James leapt up, hugging Sirius and cheering. Sirius shoved him off rolling his eyes, “It wasn’t on the lips, and Regulus found us and he’s going to tell my parents!”
The colour drained from Jame’s face, “Oh”.
“I’m scared Prongs, I don’t know what to do, I just left Remus there. I didn’t even say anything, I probably freaked him out. I really like him but my parents, they’ll forbid it and I can’t disobey them, James, I know I usually do but this isn't like anything I’ve done before. They’ll kill me”. Sirius was hyperventilating now, his heart rate quickened and his throat tightened. James gave Sirius a hug, trying to calm him down.
“Just talk to Remus, it’ll do more harm than good if you don’t tell him”, James encouraged, Sirius just sighed.
“Fine. Thanks, James”, Sirius gave him one last hug before jumping up and running out of the dorm. James laughed, god his friends were idiots.
Sirius was wandering around the halls of Hogwarts, trying to find Remus. Dinner would’ve started now, but Sirius decided it could wait until after. So he went to the great hall and sat beside James who was already stuffing his face. Remus was there, talking to Lily in hushed whispers, avoiding Sirius’s gaze.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the Amortentia, he had smelt Remus. Chocolate, old books, the forbidden forest, and that one smell that was simply undeniably Remus. That meant he loved Remus right? Or maybe the Amortentia was faulty and because Remus was in the room it enhanced his smell.
James cleared his throat, elbowing Sirius in the chest. Sirius winced, snapping out of his thoughts. Remus turned his attention away from Lily, looking at Sirius, flashing a small smile to the flustered man in front of him.
Sirius inhaled slowly, trying to gather the courage to talk to Remus. Lily shot him a knowing look, turning her attention to James who was mindlessly flirting with her.
“Hey Moony, can I talk to you?” Remus nodded, standing up and following Sirius out of the great hall to a hidden space behind the pillars in the courtyard. Sirius fiddled with the sleeve of his robes, looking anywhere but Remus’s eyes.
“Padfoot, are you alright?” Remus asked, had he done something wrong? Did Sirius figure out his dirty secret? Oh god, was this his way of letting Remus down slowly?
“I’m sorry I freaked out earlier, with the Amortentia”, Sirius admitted, still not looking Remus in the eyes as he continued.
“I smelt you Moony. Everything about you, every little thing. It scared me, it scared me so much. Then I kissed you and it felt great, but then Regulus saw us…” Sirius started to tear up. His vision went blurry and his chest tightened, his hands were shaking.
Remus rushed forward, holding Sirius’s hands, trying to ground him. “Sirius, I’m here. Just breathe, breathe for me”.
Sirius took deep breaths, trying to stop himself from crying. He managed to get his thoughts together again, “I like you Remus, I really do but I can’t be with you”.
Remus’s heart shattered, and his world stopped. He felt like Sirius had ripped his heart out of his chest and held it close before letting it fall to the ground.
“Let me get this straight, you came all the way out here just to tell me you like me but can’t be with me? You know you could’ve just said you regretted it. You didn’t have to act like you actually cared about me, Black!”
Remus shouted, tears falling down his face. His hands were curled into fists, his throat hoarse from yelling.
“Moony I-”
“Don’t call me that!”
Sirius wore a hurt look on his face, “It’s my family Remus. They would have my head. I may have run away to James’s but they still have their ways of getting to me. I won’t let you get hurt because of me. I’m sorry”.
Remus was full of anger, why did Sirius have to be so goddamn stupid.
“Who cares what your parents think!? You never did! Your Sirius Bloody Black, you're a rebel who doesn’t take any of their bullshit”.
“Remus, it’s complicated. I wanted you to know the truth. That’s all”, Remus swung at Sirius.
His hand collided with Sirius’s nose, “Fuck you, Black!”
Remus stormed off, and blood started gushing from Sirius’s nose. He groaned, trying to stop the bleeding before it ruined his clothes. He ended up having to go to the infirmary, he told Madam Pomfrey he had gotten into a fight with a Slytherin. The woman looked sceptical but believed him anyway.
Sirius returned to the dorms later that night, his nose was bruised, much like his ego. He opened the door, climbing into his bed. James appeared in front of him, whispering angrily at him.
“Sirius what the fuck did you do!?”
Uh oh
“Uhm- nothing?”
Smooth Sirius, smooth.
“Remus came back to the common room crying his eye’s out with a bruised hand, refusing to tell anyone what happened!”
Sirius looked over to where Remus’s bed was, he sighed, casting a silencing spell around his bed, pulling the curtains closed and making James sit beside him.
“I told him about how I felt and then- how I couldn’t be with him…”
James paused, then picked up Sirius’s divination book, whacking him with it.
“What” wack “The” wack “Hell” wack “is” wack “Wrong” wack “With” wack “You!”
“Ow!” Sirius yelled, taking the book from Jame’s hands.
“I didn’t know what else to say, you told me to tell him the truth!”
James groaned, “You don’t tell someone how in love you are with them and then reject them at the same time you idiot!”
Sirius groaned, wishing the ground would swallow him whole at that moment. He leaned backwards, his back hitting the bed. “He hates me, James, what am I supposed to do?”
James looked at his friend, laying down beside him. “Honestly, I’m not the one to give you advice on Romance Padfoot”.
Sirius laughed, “She’ll come round one day, who wouldn’t want the amazing James Potter!”
James, shoved him. Sirius yawned, turning into his animagus form, and curling up into a ball. James held padfoot, falling asleep shortly after.