Chapter Text
After Hinata puts Zenzai back in the stable, she attempts to rush back into her room to change, but Neji is already waiting. He stands in the courtyard with his arms crossed and face red.
“You went to the matchmaker. After I deliberately told you not to!” He exclaims.
Hinata bows her head in apology. “I didn’t want you to carry this burden alone. I thought marriage would be helpful for all of us.”
“Your father told me to take care of you and Hanabi-chan. So, that’s what I’m trying to do. The Hyuga clan is my weight to lift.” He insists.
Maybe it’s from her earlier experience with the awful Uchiha, but Hinata feels another fit of anger rise to the surface of her usual dormant mouth. “So I’m not your equal, either? Am I really meant for nothing more than to work until my body grows brittle? You’re to cast me aside because my father said to? I thought you respected me more than that, onii-san.”
“I do respect you, Hinata. That’s why I will not have you live the same lives our mothers did. I may never get to marry for love, but if there’s a chance that you can, I want you to take it.”
“Love is not in the stars of the Hyuga. Duty and honor are. That is my destiny, just as it is yours.” She says.
Neji looks as if he wants to say more, but a gong at the front of their yard makes them both turn. Hinata’s nose wrinkles at the sight of the soldier from earlier. He doesn’t wear armor of a samurai, but he carries himself as if he is one. Hinata wants to knock him off his horse.
“A conscription notice for the eligible man from the main branch of the Hyuga family.” The soldier says. “You are to continue your familial tradition and join the emperor’s army as a samurai.” Neji gives Hinata a reassuring look before stepping forward and taking the scroll.
“It is an honor to serve my country.” Neji says with a bow. They bow back, already charmed by her cousin’s manners and grace.
They leave as quickly as they came, spinning dust into the courtyard from the pounding of hooves. Now that they’re gone, Neji eyes the conscription notice wearily.
“There has to be another way.” Hinata says as she steps forward. She’s sure she must look comedic right now with her torn kimono and ruined makeup, but she doesn't care. “Father and Hizashi-sama already gave their lives for Kasai. They can’t have you risking yours too.”
“I am the last male member of the main branch. My purpose is to protect this family. And if this is how it must be done, then so be it.” He says with a voice full of steel.
“I have never asked you to be selfish in your entire life. But now, I am. Be selfish, onii-san. The Hyuga cannot survive without you. I am no leader. Hanabi is still too young. Our land and our clan will be stripped from us the moment you set foot outside.” Hinata pleads.
Neji leans down and places his hands on top of Hinata’s shoulders. “This world is cruel, Hinata-chan. It has already taken far too much from us. I refuse to let it torment us further. I will serve Kasai as the Hyuga warrior, for it has always been my fate. And fate is inescapable.”
Hinata places her hands on Neji’s forearms. She has a feeling deep in the pit of her belly that if Neji leaves to join the emperor’s army, he won’t come back. And if he were to die, the responsibility of maintaining the nobility and status of her people would fall onto Hinata’s shoulders. She already regrets her reaction to the Uchiha earlier. If she would’ve kept her mouth shut and banished her pride, maybe she could’ve been betrothed. Maybe Captain Uchiha could’ve pardoned Neji from service. Then again, that’s a lot of “what if’s” for someone who would’ve treated Hinata as an arm accessory and not a woman.
“I don’t think your fate is as sealed as you think it is.” Hinata tells him quietly.
Neji just gives her a small smile. “Why don’t you wash up for lunch? Then afterwards, I’ll need help in the training room.”
“Of course.” She says. Hinata was supposed to be okay with him leaving. She was supposed to sharpen his blades and polish his armor as if it didn’t pain her to do so. “Hanabi is not going to be happy.”
“She’ll understand. She’s as tough as her father.” He says easily. Hinata doesn’t respond. She remembers the day that the samurai came to their home. They brought back Hizashi and Hiashi’s weapons. Her uncle had died protecting her father. And in a rage of grief, Hiashi killed nearly an entire regiment of enemies on his own. Her father was found with multiple stab wounds, arm outstretched towards his brother.
Kasai returned their swords, showered them with medals, and gave the Hyuga a meager amount of yearly gold for their heroic service. There weren't even bodies to mourn.
Hinata buried her grief in work. She was sixteen at the time, and the realization that she had lost her father had yet to set in. Her mother had died when she was young, so she was no stranger to mourning.
As the oldest child of the clan head, her first act of business was to renounce her leadership and hand it over to her older and far wiser cousin. Her people were quick to follow Neji. He became not only their leader, but their lifeline. He controlled their money, their trade, and the small influence they had in the country.
Hinata would spend her days leading teams in the fields, sparring with her cousin, and comforting her younger sister. Hanabi was only eleven when she was orphaned. She would wake up in the night, ask where her father was, and Hinata would have to break the news all over again.
“Not by choice.” Hinata finally responds. Now it’s Neji’s turn to remain silent.
Once they’re inside, Neji puts a pot on the fire. Hinata fries a few eggs and mixes them in with plain rice, green onions, and pepper flakes. She sets three bowls on the table, and goes to her room to quickly change. After she scrubs her face in her water basin, she throws off her kimono and changes into plain slacks and a robe. She pulls her hair from its updo and it falls in long, dark tresses all the way to her waist.
By the time she goes back to the table, the mood is already downtrodden. Hinata knows that Neji must’ve shared the news.
Hinata takes her usual seat and picks up her bowl. She peers at her sister out of the corner of her eye.
“It’s not fair.” Hanabi says harshly. “This country took my father. They did nothing when raiders took our wealth and crops and almost took my sister. And now, they’re insisting on taking you too?” She holds the chopsticks so tightly in her hands that they snap. “I hate honor! And I hate Kasai! Don’t go, Neji.” She pleads.
“You mustn’t talk like that Hanabi-chan.” Neji says gently, trying to correct his younger cousin’s manners.
Hinata squeezes her eyes shut at her sister’s words. She knows that no matter how much either of them beg, Neji’s mind is made up. If he were to ignore the conscription notice, they would lose everything. If he were to go, they would lose everything.
“I think manners are the last thing that should be on her mind.” Hinata replies quietly.
“You think I want to go? You think I want to leave behind the only people I have left? The only home I’ve ever known?” Neji snaps, his temper finally rampant. “You’re acting as if they’ve given us a choice. Now enough talk of it. I have one night left with you two. I won’t waste it arguing.”
Hanabi begins to quietly cry, and both Hinata and Neji race over to cling to her. Hanabi has always been the older Hyugas’ source of hope. She was their reason for fighting, their source of inspiration in the constant fear and pain of their regular lives. The three all cling to each other, each fearing different things.
“We’ll be okay.” Hinata reassures against her sister’s soft hair. “Neji’s as strong as the ox that plows our fields, as smart as the fox that steals our eggs.”
Neji laughs, his arms big enough to encircle both of them. “And while I’m gone, Hinata will take over my nagging.” This finally makes Hanabi’s tears cease, and she rests her head against her sister’s chest.
After they break their embrace and finish their meal, Neji quickly washes the dishes and drags both the girls to the training room. Hinata stares at the empty cupboards that used to hold her father and uncle’s yoroi. The third set of armor has still not seen the hardships of war. The kusazari and dou are dyed a deep purple, and the kabuto is a dark gray. The flame of the Hyuga is stamped on the chest.
“You’re going to have to wear that?” Hanabi asks with clear distaste. Her earlier disheartenment is gone and she’s back to her normal, grumpy self.
“I won’t wear the majority of it. The significance that most of my yoroi holds is for someone of a much higher rank. It was made for a true warrior, somebody of my own father’s class.”
“You are a true warrior.” Hinata tries to reassure.
“Not yet.” He says. Neji steps forward and pulls the two blades that were his fathers from their sheaths. Hinata knows that he could cut through anyone with them. He’s much more skilled than she is. But seeing him hold his father’s legacy within his hands makes her frown.
Hinata and Hanabi step out of the room as Neji walks through several stances. His katana blades act as an extension of his arms as they cut through the very air.
“Nobody should be able to touch him if he fights like that.” Hanabi tries to reassure both of them. Hinata stays silent. Neji is a much better fighter than her. He's practically better at everything. His swordsmanship and fighting skills are most likely far superior to most of Kasai. They used to have competitions when they were young on who could run the fastest, harvest the most, fight the hardest, solve riddles the easiest. Neji would always win. He’s a genius, a prodigy at everything he tries to do. Hinata is just Hinata.
She knows that she mustn't measure her life in value she brings to others, but she can’t help it. The Hyuga need her cousin. They don’t need her. The most honorable, courageous thing she could do for him is take his place.
“Hinata, come give me something real to practice against.” Neji says mischievously.
“Why? So you can beat me easily and give your pride a boost?” Hinata says. But even with the near guarantee that she’ll soon be flat on her back, she steps into the room. Neji sheathes his weapons and gives Hinata a polite bow. She quickly returns it and sinks into her stance. The Hyuga clan has always had their own fighting style. They fight freely, like flowing water.
Hinata’s palm gets raised, and Neji charges at her without hesitation. His fist aims to strike near her neck, but she moves out of the way and sends her own palm near his chest. Neij turns his body at the last minute and her hit grazes his shoulder instead. He lets out a grunt and attempts to counter with a palm to her chest, but Hinata grabs his arm and uses his weight to throw him over her shoulder. He hits the floor with a resounding yelp.
She moves her body like the fall of rain, all at once. Her feet aim to find his body in an attempt to disable him further, but Neji uses the momentum of his feet to swing him back up. He throws his fist and she knocks it aside with her forearm. Their cat and mouse game of block and evade continues until finally, she manages to land another hit on him. He stumbles backwards, distracted but not completely disengaged.
Hinata then falls to the floor in an attempt to sweep his leg, but he rolls out of the way and twists his leg so it strikes her right in the stomach.
She groans in pain and falls to the matted floor. “You didn’t hold back, did you?” She says with a wheeze.
“That’s it?” Hanabi teases “Usually you can hang in there a little longer, sister.”
“Well, I’m not exactly on my game today.” Hinata tries to defend. Neji pulls her to her feet and gives her shoulder a nudge.
After they spar for a little longer, Neji heads outside to bid good fortune to their ancestors. Hinata takes the allotted time to pack essentials. She throws strong wraps to bind her chest, cloth underwear with extra padding for when she gets her cycle, and loose clothing that she can only pray will hide the shape of her body.
Soon, night begins to fall and the sun sinks in the sky. Hinata sneaks out to her horse and throws her bag overtop. She makes one last stop before heading inside and she bows in front of the stones that hold the names of her Hyuga ancestors. She traces her mother and father’s before pleading with them to watch over her. Hinata doesn’t know if she’s making a smart decision, but she believes it to be the necessary one.
By the time Hinata comes back into the house, Neji sits at their table drinking his post dinner tea. He gestures for Hinata to join him. She sits next to him, her entire body facing him as she waits for him to deliver some kind of speech.
“When I’m gone, I need you to fight for our clan. Do what you believe is best, but don’t let our land be taken. Don’t let our family go hungry. And I know you’re terrified of leading, but you’ll need to. Just until I’m back.”
“I’ll do my best.” She replies weakly. Little does he know none of this will be necessary. Neji isn’t going anywhere. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll wake up to make you breakfast, okay? We’ll say our goodbyes then.”
Neji smiles and gives her a nod. She gives his hand a squeeze before getting up and heading to her room. Soon after, Neji blows out all the candles in the house and Hinata’s vision goes dark. She must lay curled up on her mat for hours until finally, she deems it safe to come out.
Hinata binds her chest as tightly as she can before slipping on loose trousers and an undershirt. Then, she tiptoes to the training room and eyes Neji’s armor wearily. She refuses to take something of such high value. It was one of the last gifts Neji received from his father and she would not be the cause of its disappearance.
Instead, she settles for one of her fathers old hakamas. It’s a dark gray with the Hyuga flame knitted on both sides. Hinata unsheathes her father’s wakizashi and before she can change her mind, cuts her own hair with it.
Neji still has decently long hair, so Hinata only chops her short enough to fall near her shoulder blades. Then, she ties it in a low knot near the nape of her neck. After attaching both her father’s katana and wakizashi to her belt, she peers at herself in the reflection of the glass. With her bound chest and padded shoulders, Hinata can only hope she looks masculine enough.
After leaving a note explaining her decision, Hinata rides away from the only home she’s ever known. Her cousin wouldn’t be able to come for her. If she were to be revealed, her impersonation would mean dishonor for them both.
From here on out, she is Hyuga Neji. Son of Hizashi, nephew of Hiashi.
She debates looking back at her house as it grows farther away from her, but ends up deciding against it. She has already used too much courage to leave. If she were to turn around, she’d want to go back. And going back is not an option.