Chapter Text
POST CANNON - Idk the plot of the third movie so happy ending for everyone and Miles is now apart of the spider society and Hobie didn’t quit.
...
“I need all hands on deck for this one, kids. The spiders I would usually take are out of commission, los barstados, and you guys are, somehow, the next best thing.”
Gwen glanced around confusedly, seeing Miles do the same thing, seemingly in awe that Miguel, of all people, thought they were some of the best. It was Hobie that stepped forward.
“Why do ya need five of us for two anomalies. Lil odd, innit?”
“Yeah,” Gwen continued, hands on her hips. “Why do you need so many? What’s really up?”
Miguel sighed, dragging a hand over his face. He glanced at the group, before sighing again, louder this time. He then turned to his desk, where he tapped around. There, a hologram arose around them, startling Pavitr and Miles, who were involved in their own conversation.
“Earth-933. New Sydney Home of Funnel-Web, A.K.A., Kali Hampton,” his brow furrowed as he spoke the last part. “Age; 14. She’s been in the job for well over a year. Her work… it's not pretty.”
From Miguel, that means something. However, a 14 year old girl on the job, and she would’ve been doing it since at least age 13? It doesn’t sound entirely farfetched, only… sad.
“Wait, so a little girl is that world’s superhero? You said her work wasn’t pretty? What does that even mean?” Miles questioned, emboldened to interrupt by Pavitr’s likewise inquiries, even as Miguel shushed them.
“Honestly, good on her for breaking stereotypes. But, yeah, I’m curious, whaddya mean?”
Gwen didn’t interject, but she lay in a similar state of confusion as her teammates. She waited for Miguel to continue, as he tapped away. Suddenly, the holograms became detailed, and a gruesome scene emerged from the imagery.
In what seemed to be an alleyway, several body parts were spread carelessly in it’s length, blood seeming to have splattered over every surface imaginable. There, at the centre of the gore, the tattered remains of what seems to be Earth-933’s Doc Oc was slumped against the wall. He still had his limbs though, which left the questions of whose limbs were spread across the alleyway.
Gwen turned away, feeling suddenly ill, and found Miles doing the same, turning his head into Hobie, who had slung his arm around the teens shoulder. Hobie, himself, had an unreadable expression of his face, although his eyes showed his uneasiness. Pavitr was holding his stomach and mouth, looking decidedly greener than before. Miguel continued, unaffected.
“This is the scene of Doc Oc’s murder. Spider-Girl, known in her universe as ‘Funnel-Web’, mutilated him. He was a special case, as he had organic limbs rather than abiotic ones, and all those amputated body parts are his.”
Regaining her posture, Gwen turned her eyes away from the sight, instead turning to Miguel.
“How did she manage to cut so many limbs off? How long did this fight last?!” She was still finding it hard to grasp that a 14 year old had done this.
Miguel nodded at her seriously, and pulled down the simulation, signalling for them to all crowd his desk. They complied, even Hobie.
“There-in lies the problem, Spider-Woman. She didn’t cut the limbs off at all. She tore them off with her bare hands, completely ripping them off Doc Oc’s main body.”
The teens gasped in shock, dead silence weighing the room as they soaked up the information.
“As for how long the fight lasted,” Miguel continued, a solemn look on his face. “A matter of minutes. This Spider-Girl, ‘Funnel-Web’, is not a hero.”
Gwen took a sharp breath. She knew there had to be a villainous spider-person out there, she just didn’t expect it to be a young girl. All four of them were in a stupor, until Miles spoke up.
“It seems, at the very least, she can handle herself. Why are so many Spider-people needed?”
Right. Their original question.
Hobie shook out of his shock, coming to stand behind Miles with both arms on his shoulder, linked in front of them. He nodded his agreement. “Why do we gotta help her? She’ll be right.”
Miguel put his face in hands, either in frustration or something else as he answered.
“We aren’t going to help her take down the anomalies. One of the anomalies, Vulture from Earth-48, hasn’t had his canon appearance yet. If Funnel-Web gets to him first, it’ll disrupt a canon event that is yet to happen. If she gets to him before we do, he won't be going home.”
Hobie let out a breath through his nose, shaking his head. “This is bullshit, this is,” he muttered.
Although she didn't voice it, Gwen knew he was damn right.
✭
Kali hummed as she drank, hot tea slipping over her tongue piercing down her throat as she worked diligently on a sudoku book. The cafe she sat in, quaint and out of the way, had few patrons in it, and fewer workers. Flicking dyed grey lilac over her shoulder, she swept choppy purple bangs behind her ears, adorned in a kaleidoscope of jewelled and black piercings. Loose clothing covered her figure, a grey sweatshirt and soft blue jeans. In a cliche for teens that's she cared little for, some black converse.
She smiled gently as the waitress brought her the cheesecake she ordered, and sighed happily once she took a bite.
“Thanks, darlin’. Love this place, not busy.” She made minor small talk as the waitress refilled her tea, which the waitress returned with a bright grin. Her Australian accent was heavily pronounced, but it wasn't out of place, since she was in an extension of Australia.
“Yeah, not the busiest, but that adds to charm. At least, I think so,” the waitress replied with a smile, before flitting off to the kitchen. Kali nodded, although nobody saw, and instead quickly finished her food, and puzzle. She rolled her tongue piercing in her mouth for a moment, and felt heat gather at the back of her throat. Shit, time to go. With a grin, she paid and left with a grin and a wave, hollering that she’d be back soon. Almost as soon as she left, her smile, though ever present, gained an edge, falling empty as she continued on her way.
She ignored the looks she got sent, the whispers as people passed her. She’s so young, who let her dye her hair such a obvious colour? Or get all those horrendous piercings? What would her mother think? Her father must be so disappointed.
She also ignored the extremely violent thoughts that came to mind as they snickered at her, doing the same as the feeling of poison slipping down her throat and sitting in her stomach. A horrid feeling, that curled in her gut and and felt like hot air in her stomach. It always appears as the thoughts do, which sometimes causes a lapse of judgement.
Can’t have everything.
Slipping into the alley between two apartment complexes, she stopped, glancing around. No one was around, and the sun was just starting to dip below the horizon.
Perfect, she thought to herself, slipping her jacket off, then shimmying out of her pants. Underneath her day garments, her black spider-suit lay.
The suit was black, with silver accents that started in a circle at her chest, tightly packed, then continued outwards, becoming more spread apart more the further from her chest they got. Down her arms, they condensed into a thick area of silver, with slivers of black, then turned fully pearly are the palms. On the back of the suit, between her shoulder-blades, laid a black spider. It was the same shade as her suit, by shone when the light hit it. Hidden.
She pulled on her mask, one that covered her face, but left her hair, and general back-of-head area uncovered. It was really nothing more than a fashion statement. That, and she really liked her hair, and it was a state of pride to have it shown, displayed to all those that saw her. Although, she was a little bit surprised that no one arrested her yet, not many people had grey lilac hair in a wolf cut down to their hips. Almost like cartoon logic, she supposed.
For her age, she was a little bit tall, standing at roughly 170 cm. She had a nice build, obviously muscular arms and a slim waist, although she will attribute that to her increased metabolism. However, something that's unique to her, was her innate and near invisible strength that, for all intents and purposes, should not have been in her body.
Already a strong girl from before the spider bite, her strength increased tenfold after being bitten. She theorises that its because, rather than having the strongest bite, she has the strongest punch instead. The physics don't make sense to her, she was always more of an English/history major than science/maths. Arguably, she was one of the most physically capable people in the spider-verse, not that she knows what that is.
She took a steadying breath as she removed a container of pills from her previously worn clothes. Slipping one out of the makeshift package, she quickly downed it. Her body instantly felt calmer, the feeling of acid in her gut leaving her, followed by most thoughts of violence from her mind, those that were enhanced by the bite.
Shaking out her shoulders, she looked up, then stooped into a crouch. She leapt upwards to superhuman heights, then slung her webs above her, each latching onto the buildings beside her. She shot out of the alleyway and into the night sky, breathless laugh leaving her as she soared.
She web-slung around the city, keeping an eager ear out for trouble. For the first hour of so, she was disappointed when nothing happened. Despite what the media may say about her villainous, words she will not fight against, one cannot deny she was the most effective at bringing down crime rates out of every hero that tried their hand.
She bared her teeth behind her mask in frustration, sharp fangs biting into her lower lip.
C’mon! Gimme something!
Landing on the roof of an unreasonably high building, she sulked at the lack of action. She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, grinning at the press of her black barbell. She wrung her hands, bored.
Brushing a hand through her coloured locks, she smiled as she came across barely any knots. It must be a spider thing, having perfect hair, she thought nearly giddily as she got to work de-tangling the minor tangles. Of course, now that she had something else to do, shit started to happen.
A roar of anger tore the dark night, accompanied by a flashing, multicoloured light.
Quick to react, Kali leapt off the edge of the building, propelling herself to the next building, and using her webs to sling quickly to the source of the noise. Her veins were alight as the wind whipped past her, and she barked out a laugh as she landed in an abandoned construction zone.
Typical. Why can't bad guys ever start crap in a field of flowers or something?
Giggling to herself, she looked around, trying to find whatever made the yell. She was soon met with the answer. In the form of a 4 metre tall humanoid rhinoceros slamming into her back. Letting out a yelp, more of surprise than pain, she skidded across the ground, only stopped by a wall.
“Hey, bud! You’re a tall fella, aren’t ya?” She got up, wincing as she realised there would be massive bruises there later.
“Where am I!? Why are you a woman?!” He roared back, hunching over ominously and glaring at her, as though whatever he was blabbing about was his fault.
She rose a brow, though he couldn't see that through the mask, and stretched her hands over her head and cracking her neck. “Excuse you? Do you have a problem with the fact that I’m a woman, rhino-dude?”
He blinked, before snarling at her angrily.
“That's not what I meant!”
“What did you mean, big guy?”
“Where is Spider-Man, little girl?!”
He charged at her, and her face twisted in confusion. As he reached her, she leapt up into the air, webs catching onto her shoulders as she slung herself knee first into his face, then spinning and gripping his massive horn as he attempted to claw at her.
“Who the fuck is ‘Spider-man’?”
He startled at that, before yelling in frustration and, with apparently new-found flexibility, grabbing her by the leg and hurtling her through several beams. Not wasting a moment, he charged, looking through the dust that rose to find her.
His stampeding caused more dust to rise, and he had no chose but to still and wait for it to settle, before he could go and find the little spider.
Finally, his vision cleared, and he gasped. In almost every direction, a wall of webs had be weaved, the singular exemption being a giant tunnel in the middle.
“Come out, little spid-”
His body erupted into a glitch, different colours coating his skin as he dipped out of proportion, before the experience left him fast as it had arrived. He roared, searching for the girl as he spun around. He settled his gaze in the funnel, snarling as he caught sight of her silhouette, crouching in the far end of the funnel in a pose reminiscent of his universes Spider-Man. And that pissed him off.
He raced towards her, but found himself lamely tripping as he feet caught in webs. With surprise he, he noted that these webs were much stickier than his Spider-Mans webs, and he simply couldn't tear them off.
All was silent as he struggled to remove the webbing, but, by the time he figured out it was easier to rip apart than rip off, it was too late.
Funnel-Web shot out of her little tunnel, narrowed eyes visible on her mask as she rocketed towards him. She kicked him hard in the head, sending him backwards into the ground. From there, she shot out some webs onto his left arm and legs, spinning around in a circle, toying with him.
She left go of her webs, and flew across the room, landing on the floor near her little tunnel. Before he could move, Funnel-Web was on top of him, man-handling him onto his back and throwing bruising punches all the same. When she finally had the behemoth down, Funnel-Web stepped back, and stomped viciously on his ankle, letting out a breath of laughter at the following crunch and scream of pain. Shooting out some more webs, she restrained the flailing man and straddled his thick neck.
“Now, do you wanna tell me who Spider-Man is?”
Struggling in his binds, the giant man growled, turning his head and glaring at her.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?!”
She sighed.
“Is that a no, big man?”
“Fuck you!”
Damning words for his desperate soul.
She shrugged, and moved in a flash. She stood, legs on either side of his neck as she reached down. Her hands wrapped around his smooth horn, her pull bringing his head up to look straight forward.
Funnel-Web yanked.
Superhuman strength did it’s thing, met with minor resistance, and flesh disconnected from flesh in a sickening display of power. The sound of skin ripping and blood splattering on the floor was all that was heard in the next moments, before Funnel-Web straightened, holding a hefty head in her arms.
Turning around with a large grin, she held the giant head by the horn, other dropping to her side as she greeted people who stood behind her. Two teenagers, presumably. Both staring at her in horror. She paid no mind to their similar outfits, and she offered the recently severed head to the strangers like it was a rose to a lover.
“G’day. Was this one yours?”
The one one with spikes on his head shot forward, guitar in the air, attempting to strike. The shorter red and black one followed.
She let out a breath of displeasure.
Rude.