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I'm not going to say "I'll always be there for you" because I won't... I can't... I'm hardly there for myself.
I know I've made promises about sticking around until we're old and in nursing homes, but I'm not certain that promise is feasible. Which is why I've slowly been changing what we promised every time we meet up because all we have is a verbal agreement and our fickle memories to go on.
At this point in time, I have gotten it down to until my youngest sibling has her associates in college or that time equivalent after graduating high school. I haven't yet decided if I should work it down further or stick with this agreement. We've yet to write anything down, so I can think on this a bit.
No one other than a select few, maybe two or three, even have an inkling as to what our agreement... promise... truly is.
You think it means we'll have to worry about it once the end date is near, but the truth is that you (consistently) keep forgetting (possibly on purpose to hope I'll change my mind) is that I only agreed to try. I'll try and adhere to this agreement until then. I'll try to keep on moving through. I'll try to stick around.
To be entirely honest though, I really don't care at this point. I don't care if I am here. I don't care if I am there. If I'm awake, asleep, eating, or fasting. I just can't care anymore about these sorts of things.
All I care for right now, is making sure my cat and grandparents will be okay. That's about the only thing keeping me.
I just want you to know, on the off chance you end up on AO3 or discover my username, is this:
"You have had a tremendous part keeping me around. I'm not quite certain if I would be here if we had not met. I am proud of all that you have accomplished and all that you will accomplish in the future. Please remember my dear: You are all that you ever needed to be, and that is enough."
Thanks Goddess.
P.S. Don't worry too much though. I'm doing my best not to leave this year maybe in a couple, but definitely not this year.