Looking at me with those eyes

by Hawks_mohawk

Summary:

Ever since they became friends again them getting high together on Friday nights was a recurring event. One Friday night the mood changes. Maybe they smoked too much or maybe the weed was laced, they didn't know. But it was too late to go back.

Chapter 1: One blunt , two blunt. One kiss, two kiss

Ray doesn't remember how it could have ever been so easy to walk away from his friends, but it didn't take much for him to realize that the new group of guys he was hanging around wasn't worth it. They weren't his friends and he was just lucky he figured that out before he was too far into it. It wasn't soon enough though because he was welcomed back right away by just about everyone but his best friend. He had hurt fuckshit's feelings.

He never had to worry that he was doing that before but everytime Ray looked at fuckshit he would look at him in the same way. The way he had looked at him that day when he chose those guys over him. Everything had changed. from the way they talked to eachother to the way they acted around eachother but even though it took awhile to get them back to where they were before, in the end they were still fuckshit and ray.

Friday nights were the nights they usually got in trouble, hanging around gangs or skating in places they weren't supposed to be. So if they weren't all together or at a party they were at one of their houses every single Friday. This Friday it had been fuckshit's house because it was empty and ray would always want to be there instead of going to his own house anyway.

They were far into their second blunt almost ready to light up another when the first movie they put on to pass time ended. Ray brought the blunt to his lips taking a hit feeling his lungs burn in the all to familiar way. He looked around the room at the words covering the lower parts of the walls in marker and even some in spray paint. His eyes landing on fuckshit who was busy looking through the movies on the shelf next to his bed.

He didn't know if the smoke lingering in the air was starting to get to him but he found himself not being able to look away. Once fuckshit found a movie he turned back to ray, a confused expression quickly taking over his face. "what?" He asked

Ray shook his head "nothing" he said simply bringing the blunt back to his lips

Fuckshit pursed his lips together looking back down at the movie "right." He muttered

Ray passed the blunt to him even though it had been quickly turning into a roach. He could tell that he had done something wrong again "what?" He asked confused

Fuckshit looked back up at him "You were looking at me like you wanted to say something. I mean I thought that was the whole reason we do this every Friday." He added. Which Ray guessed was also partially true. They told eachother everything before so why were things different now. He didn't even know why he was looking at him like that or maybe he did but that was just the high talking.

Ray watched as the smoke escaped into the air as fuckshit put the roach out in the ash tray "man..." He tried to say to just end this conversation before he really did say something

Fuckshit rolled his eyes "you might want to go home soon the street lights are gonna go out" he said putting the movie back in the case and on the shelf

"Your hair really does make you look-" The words catch in his throat because he doesn't even know what he's trying to say

Now fuckshits grinning at him and the tension in the air is gone "if you say like a girl I will beat ya ass and let you bleed out" he said in a voice that sounded very matter of fact

Ray smiled slightly looking down as he started rolling another, he didn't say anything for a minute as he sealed the wrap. He feels like the tips of his ears are burning and he's glad that no one can really see it. He's not having some crazy crisis but he dosent get what he's trying to say and he's really starting to sound gay. He dosent want to say anything cause he thinks fuckshit might just beat his ass and let him bleed out either way.

Fuckshit laughs "you look nervous. shit is something in my hair" he questioned feeling around for something he hadn't realized was in his hair

Ray shook his head leaning a lighter down towards the blunt watching as it lit. He pulled it away tossing it to the side "just... Nice" he said trying to find the least threatening word.

He watched fuckshits expression for anything to show he had messed up but his smile doesn't falter as he takes the blunt from his hand laughing. "I think your straight on the weed for right now" he said more than just a little amused

Ray ran a hand over his face letting himself fall back onto the carpet floor "fuck. I don't know just pretend I didn't say anything" " he said eyes stuck on the ceiling

He was embarrassed and fuckshit could tell "chill out The high talks man.. you want to touch it?" He suggested as Rays expression changed quickly like he had forgotten what they were even talking about. He just wanted the conversation to be over and they could watch a movie or something but before he could say anything fuckshit was laughing again "My hair dumbass." He reminded quickly

Ray stared at the ceiling for another minute or so before he sat up leaning back against the bed. Fuckshit waited for him to calm down before he leaned his head towards him bringing to blunt up to his lips. Ray reached out in front of him fingers brushing against the soft hair. Now that he was thinking about it, the way his hair fell kind of did remind ray of a girl.

Fuckshit started shaking his hair a grin on his face making ray roll his eyes pushing his head away lightly "alright alright... Kind of does make you look like a chick" he added watching as fuckshit turned red slightly in the face as he flipped him off

That might have been what broke the ice for them cause they fell right into a conversation in the way they use to but when ray turned away from the poster they were talking about and back to fuckshit he knew exactly what he had been talking about when he said ray was looking at him like he wanted to say something. Ray frowned confused "What?" He questioned

"I ain't say nothing"

Ray shook his head "you look like you wanna say something so what is it? It's only fair" he joked.

Fuckshit nodded slightly "true." He mumbled looking kind of embarrassed "can I.. touch your hair too?" He asked voice just above a whisper

Ray stopped for a second kind of surprised but he nodded slightly pulling his dreads down from where he had put them up earlier to keep them out of his face. He leaned his head down not saying anything as fuckshit felt his hair. At first that's all it was but when he leaned back up they were alot closer than before, he couldn't help but think that maybe he really had smoked too much. He could feel his head spinning not being able to look away from his friend in front of him. He watched as fuckshit's eyes left his and fell down to his lips, they were quickly back up to his eyes again but ray hadn't missed the motion. They both started leaning in and before he could realize what they were doing they were kissing.

It was short and simple and it kind of reminded fuck shit of his first kiss back in middle school. It was just lips to lips and it couldn't have lasted more than a second but it still made him feel like his heart was beating out his chest. In a bad high kind of way. As they pulled away ray watched as fuckshit lifted the tips of his fingers to his lips, he watched for a second waiting for him to laugh it off and rub the kiss off in a childish way. But he didn't he just looked at him and as ray let his eyes search for an unserious expression he realized in a sickening way that fuckshit didn't remind him of a girl at all.

His hair softened his features and made his smile look sharp at the ends. But it didn't make him look like a girl.

Ray frowned moving away from his friend slightly but that didn't help in the way he thought it would, so instead he stood up stepping farther away. "I should-" he tried to say

Fuckshit stood up too stepping away from him "yeah it's late. You gotta bounce" he said expression blank

Ray nodded turning around and walking out of the room. He didn't stop to look back again instead he shut the door and walked straight down the stairs and out the front door hearing the screen door shut behind him. It was dark outside and it probably wasn't the best idea for him to walk alone but he couldn't stay here.

What the fuck.

Chapter 2: Snaps like a skateboard

It had only been a couple of days after the situation at fuckshit's house when fourth grade wanted them to all meet up at the skatepark. He had done a lot of thinking about what happened that night most of it ending in him feeling guilty that it even happened. He got high a lot it's just something he did, something he liked to do. That didn't mean he just went around kissing annoying guys with long hair that made them look pretty. There's the word again. The word that he had been apparently trying to say to fuckshit that night. The word that had never crossed his mind when thinking of him at all, yeah. Annoying guys with long hair who happen to be his bestfriend.

Something was wrong with him. He wasn't supposed to think stuff like that but he did, it didn't make any sense because he never thought about any other guys like that. But then he remembered that fuckshit wasn't other guys.

It all gave him an uneasy feeling and he was smart, Smart enough to rationalize but still in the end he told himself that that wasn't him. That wasn't him thinking or acting that was the high, that was the drugs. He just was high he didn't know what he was doing. In the end that thought was enough he was done thinking about it and he didn't want to think anymore. So he grabbed his board and closed his front door behind him, once he made it to the road he set his board down getting on and kicking off his feet.

It was a great feeling because even though he hadn't skated in a while it came back to him right away just like it always did. He skated most of the way but as soon as he could see the park in front of him he stopped getting off the board. He walked the rest of the way popping up the lock to the gate, as soon as he walked in fourth grade skated towards him grin on his face.

Ray smiled keeping his board under his arm "what's up man where's everybody?" He asked

Fourth grade put his foot out stopping himself not far in front of ray "near the back at the ramps but I wanted to wait for you" he said

That was one thing about fourth grade he never wanted anyone to feel anything close to bad or unwanted, it kind of sucked that sometimes he felt like that. "Atleast I got one friend" he said dropping his board and getting back on They skated past people ending up by the ramps but he was surprised to see that only one of them were skating. Stevie was leaning against one of the ramps an annoyed expression on his face, fourth grade sat down next to him doing his best to be reassuring.

Stevie sighed "oh your back I thought you were gonna run laughing away from me too" he said unamused

Ray frowned "wait what happened?" He asked confused

Fourth grade looked at him like he was trying to tell him it was sort of a sensitive topic "Ruben" he said simply

he tried to keep his expression the same "you talked to him?" He questioned considering the last time he talked to Ruben they faught

Forth grade nodded "stevie wanted to make amends or whatever" he added

Stevie nodded "tried to make amends. He wouldn't listen to anything I said and laughed in my face like I was an idiot before walking away" he said annoyed

Wow, how out of it had he been the last few days?

Ray nodded "did you get all defensive?" He asked

Stevie frowned "I don't get defensive" he said defensively

Fourth grade smiled "you do." He said simply

Ray was laughing now "let me guess. You went up to and said something. Then he tried to say something you didn't like and you got all defensive making you both mad and then he walked away" he said

Stevie glared at him making him and fourth grade only laugh harder.

That caught the attention of the only one in the group who was actually skating, Fuckshit who apparently hadn't even noticed he was here looked over and all of sudden his feet slipped under the board and he fell right from the air landing at the bottom of the ramp. They all got up leaving their boards where they were sitting to go check on him. When they got there fuckshit was already up and his board was snapped in half, ray watched as the boy in front of him stopped rubbing his head and picked up the peices. He was obviously frustrated and before ray knew it he slammed the peices on the ground shooting a glare at them before walking off.

They all looked at eachother confused, well all of them except ray. "What's his problem" Stevie questioned as fourth grade shrugged.

Ray sighed rolling his eyes. Sometimes his friends could be such idiots "I got it, stay here." He said walking after his friend.

He made his way through the small crowds of people and ended up back at the gate. He popped open the lock walking towards the bench that fuckshit was sitting on. When he sat down they didn't say anything at first untill the silence was starting to become uncomfortable "you okay now?" He asked

Fuckshit rolled his eyes "I broke a board I got less than two weeks ago, my head is pounding, my bestfriend hasn't talked to me in four days. I'm not okay." He said annoyed

The feeling was back he could feel it immediately. " You like breaking boards. You get tired of em and when you break them you laugh because you can get a new one." He said because he knows that.

"I don't like breaking boards for no reason"

"So why did you? That was an easy trick you do it all the time." Ray said not sure why he did it because he knew it was pushing a limit he was enticing an answer out of him. An answer he wanted to hear.

He pursed his lips together refusing to look at ray "Don't do that." He said voice not even close to friendly

"Don't do what?"

Then fuckshit was really looking at him "are you for real?" He asked looking at him with the look that he had given him that day. The day he chose strangers over his best friend.

Ray didn't want to be for real. But he couldn't say it. So instead he said nothing and the other boy only nodded "okay. whatever I gotta go" he mumbled

Ray watched as he walked away once again but this time he didn't go after him. He couldn't because he didn't know what he'd say.

Chapter 3: It made me think of you

After the scene at the skatepark Ray had been politely avoiding the hangouts with the whole group simply because he doubted they could get through one without fuckshit punching him in his face. Instead he spent most of his time at home or at the skate shop, nine times out of ten when he was at the skate shop Stevie would find his way there too. Ray didn't know when they first started being friends with Stevie that he'd have to be a therapist and the big brother. He was usually okay with giving their younger friends advice cause most of the time they'd do stupid shit without it but he dosent think he can have another conversation about Ruben ever again.

Ray groaned leaning his head back to the wall behind the couch "I don't know Stevie. Did you apologize to him?.. like actually?" He asked

Stevie gave him a annoyed face "why should I? It was his fault too" he said defensively once again

Ray nodded "yeah. But if you wanna be cool with him you gotta start it. Tell him it was your bad and shit and he'll follow." He said simply as he let his eyes drift away from the younger friend and towards the racks of skate boards.

Stevie sat back down on the couch "are you sure?" He questioned

Ray was definitely not sure. "I mean from what you been telling me if you say sorry he might too, maybe you'll be friends or maybe you won't. Either way you'll be cool with eachother" he offered looking back to shelves. Even though fuckshit always seemed to get a new board after breaking one it was usually because he planned on it but this time he hadn't broken it on purpose. He wondered if he got a new board yet, he didn't want him to not be able to skate because of him.

Stevie nodded "Yeah I guess your right.. hey are you gonna buy that board?" He asked

Ray looked back to him not saying anything for a second. "Yeah I think so. When we hung around Ruben he use to go to the park by himself on Sundays" He said giving Stevie a certain look

Stevie nodded "Thanks man" he said simply before getting up and running out of the store. Ray didn't understand why everything about this situation had to be so rushed. It's not like either of them were going anywhere. Who cares if they were mad at eachother for a while. Ray pushed the thought to the back of his mind as he stood up and walked towards the shelves, he ran his fingers over the board that he had been looking at earlier. For a second he wondered why he was even thinking about this he never bought anything for girls.

But this isn't a girl.

And this wasn't like that.

Ray picked up the board walking it up to the counter seeing a familiar face "Yo ray new board?" He questioned

Ray nodded setting it down "yeah." He said simply

He knew the guy but he really wasn't much of a talker with people who weren't his friends. The guy nodded "I just had your friend in here a couple weeks ago I think." He said

That put a uncomfortable memory in his mind of a very angry fuckshit slamming what was left of his board on the ground. "Do me a favor, I need sturdy wheels ones for tricks specifically and can you shine it?" He asked

The guy paused "is the board not for you" he asked

"Huh?"

"I usually get the specifics with posers or when the boards a gift.. so not for you?" He questioned

Ray smiled slightly laughing "Not for me" he confirmed

Ray leaned against the counter watching as the guy behind it thoroughly shined it, once he was done with that he pulled a set of wheels out from behind the counter putting them on making sure they were sturdy and would hold up. By the time he was done ray was grinning because there really was nothing like a new board.

The guy ran his hand over the wheel nodding "good?" He asked looking back towards ray.

It was more than good, he nodded pulling out his wallet handing him the amount that he owed. He thanked the guy behind the counter before turning around walking out of the store. He pulled off his backpack unzipping it and putting it inside, he figured it was obvious what was in it but he did it anyway. As he walked past the shop and down the street he wondered if this was out of character for him. I mean sure he'd never done it before but would it be so out of character that it would make things weird.

It was too late though because as he was lost in thought he walked himself all the way to fuckshit's house. He stood at the front door for way too long usually they'd bang on the door and wait for fuckshit to pull it open and yell at them. Or sometimes when he was alone and needed ray to come over he'd walk right in. But neither of those seemed right for this situation

Instead he just knocked lightly but loud enough that he thought someone would hear, he stepped away from the door and watched as someone looked out the window upstairs. He couldn't stop the smile even after he had to stand at the door waiting for him to open it for a surprisingly long time. He could hear fuckshit pacing at the door for most of it but he only stood there and waited. Once he did finally open the door he didn't exactly looked annoyed with him being there.

"What's up?"

Ray stood there for a second not exactly sure what to say and fuckshit understood that almost immediately "you just gonna stand there?" Asked fuckshit

Ray knew him well enough that this was his best version of asking him to come in, fuckshit didn't wait for him he just turned around and started walking up the stairs leaving the door open for him. Ray followed after him making sure to shut the door behind him before they walked up the stairs. Sometimes he wondered if fuckshit even slept in his room because nothing ever seemed to be moved or changed. Besides a few things on his dresser and where he ended up throwing his blankets.

Another thing was that they never sat on the bed, this time like always they found themselves sitting on the floor. A terrible reminder that ray ignored to the best of his ability. Fuckshit was just looking at him expectingly and ray wasn't sure what to say, he never seemed to be sure of anything to say to him lately.

He decided on not saying anything right now and instead he unzipped his bag pulling out the board pushing it towards the other. He watched as fuckshit picked it up examining it "shiney. I didn't think you needed a new one" he said

Ray nodded "I don't. It's for you" he said watching a grin grow on his friends face

"Holy shit! For real?" Fuckshit asked running his fingers over the bottom

Ray nodded smiling as the other looked up from the board back to him "its cool and all but it wasn't your fault for real and if it's because of that...You don't have to" he said setting it down

Ray shook his head "nah.. look I'm sorry alright that was just a stupid thing I did, This is because I was being an ass." He said

Fuckshit picked the board back up going back to running his fingers over the bottom not saying anything for a second. He didn't look upset or happy even, he looked like he was thinking. Like he was thinking of something that would solve all of the world's problems and it was silent but not an uncomfortable silence and that was enough.

Fuckshit looked up at him again a look that was almost vulnerable "you thought it was stupid?" He asked

Ray paused for a second which didn't help with the vulnerability "I mean.. did you?" He asked

The boy in front of him shook his head. "Weird as hell. But not bad weird and not stupid. Nothing you do is stupid. " He added

For a second he wanted this to all be just a big joke. Because then they could stop with this now and they could go skating or something and laugh about it. But he didn't have his board and nothing about the way Fuckshit was looking at him was funny.

Ray nodded "Maybe we just do it again. If it's bad weird we stop and laugh about it" he offered

Fuckshit pushed the skateboard away from him "okay I'm ready. Do it." He urged

Ray frowned "why do I have to do it?" He asked not really aware of how bad that sounded

Fuckshit frowned "Well shit, you don't have to do anything." He said ready to stand up again

Ray shook his head "No! I want to. Fuck I didn't mean it like that" he added

The boy started laughing "Your actually nervous." He said smiling

Ray rolled his eyes "shut up." He complained looking away from him "are you?" He questioned

Fuckshit brushed a hand through his hair shrugging "not as much as you" he said, his expression on his face screaming that he was lying.

Ray smirked at him "sure. " not believing him in the slightest

Fuckshit rolled his eyes " I'm not!.. see." He said closing the space between them and kissing him.

It was similar to the first one considering it was still only lips to lips and it was sweet like it was their first but as they pulled away they didn't allow the space between them to grow again. both of them seemed to be breathing heavily like that was enough for them, like they were some dumb virgins.

Fuckshit licked his lips not looking away from him "bad weird?" He questioned

Ray leaned back in closing the space and once again they were kissing. It was enough of an answer for both of them and this kiss was very much not like Middle school.

Chapter 4: Friday nights

Even after everything that happened they didn't falter from spending Friday nights at one of their houses, expect now they ended very differently from how they use to. They never discussed anything beyond the fact that they didn't not like what they were doing, they didn't talk about it at all in public or around their friends. They were all friends when they were in groups but when they were alone it was a completely different story. When Friday came around again neither of them were exactly excited about the fact that fourth grade was dragging them out all together. They were all cool now, in a sense. Ruben was back again but besides the one time they talked he would barely give Stevie the time of day.

But nothing was normal, fourth grade was the one that brought them. Stevie only cared about the boy who wouldn’t look at him Ruben didn’t act the same and fuckshit had become very aware of his surroundings and how him and ray acted around eachother. It was a party tonight though a house full of people their age so it didn’t matter.

Camera in hand fourth grade wanted to get good shots of tonight, it was an early party that would end just as early. The sky was still that sort of pink that it got right before it turned dark and Ray couldn’t help but stare. Stare at the sky and stare and fuckshit under it.

God he needed a drink.

He guestered for stevie to follow him and they walked over to the kitchen that was full of many different kinds of alcohol. He always found it funny that stuff like fireball would be gone but expensive stuff that belonged to somebody’s parents was left sitting there.

He poured himself a cup and then half of one for Stevie because they really were working on keeping Stevie from the place he was before. “One cup.” He said

Stevie made a face but by now he knew that Ray knew what was right so he nodded his head they were quiet for a second and Ray knew want stevie wanted to talk about because it’s all stevie wanted to talk about since it happened. Stevie was losing it but only because he realized there was nothing he could do. Ruben wouldn’t yell at him or get mad and hit him again he didn’t even seem upset most of the time anymore he just didn’t seem to pay attention to Stevie and that bothered him so much.

Ray sighed “I told you he might not wanna be friends like y’all were before but at least he’s not avoiding us for real” he said

Stevie took a sip of his drink “he’s not avoiding you guys you mean.”

And that was right so Ray only shrugged he didn’t know what to say. “I’m trying to be better you know and he’s like my age and it makes sense for us to be friends and I said sorry and I wanna be friends.. why dosent he want to be friends.” Stevie asked ray

Sometimes Stevie rambled when he was drinking so this Made Ray think he made have had a little before the party. “It’s just how it is Stevie. Go talk to him” he said and Stevie was walking away again

Fourth grade had found a group of girls willing to be apart of his shot and he seemed happier than he had been in a while. Stevie was talking to a blank faced Ruben who seemed like maybe he wanted to crack. And fuckshit was standing next to a girl who was smiling and giggling at him.

Ray watched for a second and his chest ached so instead he walked outside for some fresh air. There was a basketball court but nobody was outside. It was a little cold so maybe that was it.

He picked up the ball and shot around for a while but his last attempt made the ball roll off towards the house, he turned around and fuckshit was holding it . “Definitely not getting drafted this season” he said laughing

Ray rolled his eyes “mhm fuck off” he joked back walking over to take the ball

He went back to playing while fuckshit talked “what’s wrong with Stevie?”

Ray made another shot “misses Ruben” he answered short and simple but it was a lot of words

Fuckshit thought for a second “I don’t miss before.” He said

Ray set the ball down “you don’t?” He asked

Fuckshit shook his head as Ray walked closer “partying all the time, doing stupid shit, drinking too much. It almost ruined us” he said

They both knew it was true but neither of them said anything after that, fuckshit seemed sad for a second. It was a look on his face that was gone as soon as it came, but then he was him again and he pulled Ray into a kiss.

Ray was tense.

They weren’t in one of their houses alone and there was hella people inside. He pulled away for a second and once again he could see that the back yard was empty. Everyone was inside so he kissed him again.

“Ray?”

It was small voice, small like probably not the host of this party ready to kick their asses. Small like probably not someone he didn’t know. Small like Stevie’s.

Ray pushed fuckshit off of