the green child and his feelings

by Sorrowful-Whisp (PagansRambles)

Summary:

Izuku Midoriya doesn't know how to process his emotions as well as he wishes he could, so he writes them into poems instead. nobody knows that they exsist.

that was until his homeroom teacher found him alone in a park at night.

but hey! at least he gets closer to a certain shark-like friend and people he can consider family!

(or: everyone sucks at emotions and the kids need therapy)

(A/N being rewritten, should be posted on my account on about let's say 12th of September! It will be a 5 + 1 and then I'll ad it to a collection of chapters that didn't make it into the 5 + 1) (first bit posted today)

Notes:

its not very good but i don't want it sitting in my google docs. this is just something i did without thinking. ^^

also my writing stye is odd and changes tenses a lot. i do apologise as it is something im working to change by writing fanfiction.

Chapter 1: the broken star

Notes:

i was listening to beach house - space song and i randomly started writing this. no clue if it will continue but it probably will { we will see! }

also this is my first time posting on A03 so no clue if this look correct or not.

‘The broken star’

 

Aizawa was on patrol until he saw a familiar bushy haired boy sitting on a bench in the park.

It's unusual as the child likes to follow his schedule. Tonight's patrol has been quiet , something Aizawa likes to revel in. So he goes to find out why this child is sitting on the bench wearing only a t-shirt and trousers.

A quiet night,

Birds singing their lullabies,

Children listening to their bedtime stories,

All go to rest while some start to awake.

He makes his way over , making sure his presence is known, and sits next to his student with enough space between them. And they stay like that for a moment.

“The sky is really pretty tonight,” Izuku says , still staring into the star lit sky.

Aizawa hums in response as he turns to stare in the sky above.

Twinkling lights slowly move and join together,

A gorgeous display for anyone watching,

The stars and constellations have such meaning,

Bringing any attention to one who's desperate.

“Why are you here midoriya?” Aizawa says , absorbing the late night vibes in what could be considered a comfortable silence.

The deities that stare back,

At a child lost for hope,

Watching how long it takes,

For one to find this broken child.

Izuku continues to look upon the sight above, the face of wonder showing , as if he doesn't quite understand the question.

The broken star,

One who tries to show their worthy,

Creating a persona that would shine as bright as the orion,

But will never truly be as bright as can be.

“It's late and cold, you should be asleep , not outside at this time of night.” Aizawa slowly looks at the boy whose face now shows a speck of sadness that would be hard for any normal person to find.

No matter how many lucky stars are made,

Nobody can save a already fallen star,

Fallen too far for one to reach,

One that just wants to shine with its adored race.

Izuku looks down and turns to his teacher , face to face.

“ I couldn't sleep , sorry sensei.” the boy states like he feels nothing, just numb.

The broken star who's out of place,

One that just wants love and hope,

In a different tale the star is happy and feels complete,

But this star could never compare,

No one wants a worthless rock that can't shine with the rest.

Aizawa looks at the space between him and his student. Between them is a book he hasn't seen before. It's open. Its stares at the man like its calling his name, And the page is labelled     ‘the broken star'

Notes:

beach house - space song

Chapter 2: after the park day

Summary:

thsi is most likely a fill in chapter but i hope u enjoy anywyas

Aizawa stared at the book in deep curiosity and concern.

Izuku was very happy it was too dark outside , but it's still risky now that Aizawa-sensei knows of the book's existence .

“I should probably go home now.. Sorry for bothering you, Aizawa-sensei” Izuku said as he picked up his book and stood up , preparing to leave.

“You're no bother kid but you are correct , come now , let's get you home” Aizawa Stood up as he replied.

“Mhm- wAit Wha-?!” Izuku stared at his teacher in shock , looking at his expression that shows a hint of determination.

“I'll walk you home. I need to go this way to complete my patrol anyways , so may as well give you company”

“ M-Mr Aizawa-Sensei , i- um are you sure? I really don't want to bother you or anything!”

“I already told you , I don't mind. Now , let's go.” Aizawa said in a way it showed there was no more to add and his decision was set in stone.

                                                                ==================

On the way to Midoriya's house the walk contained a mix of topics.

For example, Shota learned that midoriya’s favourite animals were snakes and cats , and midoriya was very passionate about the two animals .

In exchange , Midoriya learned that he has 2 cats. an American shorthair cat called cloud and a japanese bobtail cat called Mocha.

Or how Midoriya knows how to make a mix of coffees and sweet treats. [ His favourite is chamomile apparently ]

Shota isn't quite sure on how they started talking about cats and cat cafes, but he doesn't mind.

Eventually they arrived at midoriya's place , their conversation about whether cats should be treated as royalty or as a human's best support came to a *unfortunate* stop.

Midoriya lived in a small well built flat, there was a welcome mat in front of the door, it was wide so there's probably a nice amount of room inside.

“ Well this is my place! Thank you for walking me here Aizawa-Sensei! “ Midoriya says , much more comfortable than earlier , opening his flat door.

“ you're welcome problem child , have a good night “

“ goodbye Sensei! “ Midoriya said as he walked into his apartment.

Shota waited a moment before making his way back outside so he could continue his patrol.

His mind wandered to the book that was with his bush child , but he put it aside for now for something to analyse in the future.

And if Shota had a 20 minute conversation with his husband about the kids' and his interaction at the park and on the way to his place.. Well nobody would mention it.

                                                                        ===============

That following night , Izuku wrote down the new facts he learned about his teacher.

He hopes he can have more conversations like this with Aizawa soon.

His mother would return from work soon , so after his writing , he changed into some sleeping clothes and went to bed. Well he tried at least , but nobody besides him will know anyways.

 

When Izuku next opened his eyes it was still dark. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with a tired yawn , he grabbed his phone. 04:37 am he has school in 3 and a half hours , despite having his alarm set for 06:15 am , but this was normal for izuku.

It always gave him time to clean the house and any dirty clothes or dishes his mother had forgotten. A part of izuku wonders whether she really forgot about them or just didn't care enough for the house or her son..

No izuku, don't say that about your mum! Of Course she cares , you may not talk often but sometimes you both eat breakfast with each other or she leaves a note about something if she needs to meet with any teachers.

A sudden pain in his finger brought izuku out of his thoughts.

Izuku searches for the reason his finger was in pain , for Izuku to see that he had accidentally scratched the side of his finger while cleaning a sharp knife.

                                                                       =================

After washing up , Izuku continued with his daily routine of getting ready for the day and cleaning. Izuku realised the lack of food and made note to go food shopping soon as it seemed his mum forgot again. Izuku was grateful for the allowance his mother left him every 3 weeks. It's always enough to get food and have extra for whatever else he needs.

                                                                       ================

Izuku makes his way to school , he feels like something good will happen today, he's really excited! As he walks into class he sees about half of his class has already arrived.

He walks over to his seat and sits down , homeroom will start in 9 minutes. Slowly but surely his class made their way to their seats ready to start the day.

                                                                       =================

Aizawa walks into his hell class classroom , waiting for them to settle down. The school has decided that we should send them on a trip to a forest training camp.

He does not really approve of the idea as the U.S.J incident happened not too long ago. He has plans though , if these kids want to learn on this trip then Shota will get them to learn.

 

The hell class will soon learn to survive as heroes.

Notes:

i made this before i had to go school so any mistakes will be fixed later

Chapter 3: Loud silence

Summary:

Shota Aizawa finds his kid once again

Notes:

i was listening to rama lama (bang bang) -rosin murphy while i made this

i seem to keep writing midoriya's book write things when i listen to music at random times-

its probably best if i add a trigger warning for midoriya's book text ( idk what it is exactly but it might trigger people so ^^" )

It went terribly wrong . Shota knew it was a terrible idea but still didn't do anything about it. One of his students got kidnaped , many injured , some even ran off to save said student.

Now there are dorms , all staff and students live together for protection.

It has been at least 3 weeks since the camp attack.

But this doesn't seem to stop him from finding a certain student once again.

It's dark and cold outside. It reminds Shota of the first meeting like this , again there is the mysterious book that he has no idea of the contents of.

Midoriya is in an area of UA that has trees and sometimes flowers or bushes growing. He is leaning on a tree , eyes droopy , looking nearly at the sky.

Shota walks over , still in his pyjamas designed with mini cats on the trousers , and starts to speak.

“didn't think we would meet like this again, problem child ? wanna explain why you are not in your dorm room?” Shota looked at his student more closely.

Midoriya still has bandages on his arms from the fight and has eye-bags nearly able to rival his own.

“ Sorry sensei , I couldn't sleep, “ Midoriya replied sleepily.

Shota has a feeling that's an excuse he will need to get used to hearing soon.

“ Sure kid , whatever you say. Mind if I join you?”

He shrugged.

“i don't mind.” he could tell Midoriya was slightly uncomfortable with the request but was too tired to argue or come up with excuses .

There's the book again..

He wants to ask but won't just yet. Not till he finds out what's wrong with his kid.

“What's on your mind kid?” Shota asks, looking at his student from the corner of his eye.

“Mherm “ Midoriya shrugged his shoulders slightly as he vocalised in a way to show he is not sure but too tired to say the words ‘dont know’ .

Shota watched for a moment before changing subjects , knowing he wont get any answers.

“You like to write?” Shota asks as small talk , hoping to get at least a clue about what's inside. The kid doesn't respond. Shota begins to get ready to take himself and his student to their associated rooms. ==========================

Izuku HATES thinking.

He found a way to cope with his thinking a couple months ago. It never really made the thoughts go away but it would sort of calm him down , knowing he is able to figure out his feelings.

So , now outside of his dorm room and on soft but itchy grass, breathing in the cold night air.

He writes.

 

 

Loud emptiness

Loud..

So loud..

The banging of the drums ,

Pushing eyeballs in and out of place.

Creating an unbearable migraine,

Distant ringing .

Where did it come from ,

No one knows.

The tingly feeling,

Shaking, sweaty hands.

Clogging up my throat and stomach.

Air banned from entering,

vision swimming with the darkness.

Too hot.

But my arms are cold as winter air.

Empty , heavy tears form , But are unable to be shed.

Keep on breathing,

Don't stop.

 

 

Izuku feels calmer now , but is extremely tired. So he barely acknowledged his sensei’s presence. He can trust his teacher to stay clear of the book at least. And so after responding to a question he couldn't quite understand. He slept.

Notes:

if you have any ideas please let me know. I'm terrible at writing stories that Are not ones that get straight to the point

i know its not much but this is more of me just writing things then putting them into a random scenario.

Chapter 4: nighttime tunes

Summary:

Hizashi finds Izuku and accidently reads his book.

Hizashi has heard of the midnight run ins his husband has had with midoriya ,of course he has.

But he never expected to have a run in of his own.

 

It was a couple days after the “problem childrens fight” ,as Shota would often say.

Hizashi had to take out some garbage, but life had other plans for the blonde with odd fashion.

 

He was walking his way back to the teacher dorms when he heard something like a muffled tune. Hizashi , like the music obsessed man he is , starts to try to follow where the sound is coming from.

 

It's Saturday , a day where most students go visit their families , but here stands the one and only.

 

Izuku midoriya.

 

Music playing from his phone that in his pocket , he has earphones in his ears but looks to in thought to realise they have disconnected from the device. And damn this kid has good taste in music , Show and tell by Melaine Martinez , 

 

‘Now i'm curious to what else he listens to.’ he thinks.

 

Midoriya is holding some type of book? 

‘Must be the one Sho told me about’ his mind supplies. 

 

“Hey little listener , what are you doing out here so late?” 

 

The child jumps, throwing both his hands up in the air.

 

“Woah! didn't mean to scare ya kiddo.” 

 

The bushy student just stares at Hizashi face changing from startled to confused then a little satisfied.

He just stares back at the boy confused until he realises he is wearing his husbands pink cat pyjamas..

Oh dear , a sudden blush appears on the man's face in slight embarrassment. 

 

The child must have noticed as he starts to look guilty and asks

“I'm sorry mic-sensei , what did you say?”

 

“You're fine kid, just wondering why you're out this late , is all!” hizashi repeats

 

“Ah , I couldn't sleep so I went on a walk , I'm sorry” greenie says guilty.

 

“You don't need to apologise, kid , but your mum let you out?” Hizashi is confused now.

 

“NO!” the child yells , startling the blonde.

“ i-im so so sorry , i mean that shes not at home so she doesn't really know shelooksaftermeipromiseshesjustsobusyshedosnthavetimetowatchme-”

 

The kid starts to mutter ramble, making excuses as to why he's home alone.

 

“Woah woah little listener i'm gonna need you to slow down” Hizashi chuckles a bit.

“ So your mums too busy? Busy doing what if i can ask , don't worry you're not in trouble.”

He adds the last bit on as the kid looks like he is about to cry.

 

“S-she works at the hospital, she does extra hours a lot so i don't see her much. BUt she still leaves me money and stuff I promise!” Midoriya starts to panic as he starts realising how bad this all sounds.

 

“ Okay that's fine listener, is it okay if I take you home? It's getting late and I'm not sure if walking home in the dark is safe , especially with how far you live.”   Hizashi will most definitely tell his husband about this.

 

The kid thinks for some time , weighing the pros and cons of letting the man drive him home.

Hizashi knows it's going to be awkward but he hopes he can talk to the child about anything to fill the silence.

 

“Okay i guess.. If you're sure." Midoriya answers quietly.

 

“Great! Come with me my car is parked in the car park over here” he says, leading his student to the car.

 

“Car park?” the child mumbles aloud , probably not realising it.

 

“Yup! There's a car park for all staff to park their vehicles safely!” Hizashi informs the child who is now red in embarrassment.

 

“O-oh , I suppose that makes sense , thank you sensei.”

 

===================

 

The ride to Midoriya's house was silent,  as it seems the child was tired and fell asleep at least 5 minutes in on the way there.

 

Hizashi, who is currently stopped at a red light, looks over to the child. He sees the mystery book is open and facing close enough at Hizashi for him to look at the contents inside.

 

He knows he probably shouldn't but Hizashi is quote un-quote ‘a nosy little shit’.

Nighttime tunes 

 

The simple music plays

Each note makes them sway

 

Joy and happiness in one place

Everything goes at the same pace

 

A tune ringing through ears

distraught faces full with tears

 

When one thinks too much

On a subject hard to touch

 

Melodies you can play 

Because the tunes will stay

 

Stare up towards the sky

Listens closely it will show you why

 

No thoughts will double

And you can forget your troubles

 

Focus on the lullabies

So you can close your tired eyes

 ===============

 

Awh man, now Hizashi feels terrible. This was clearly private and he has gone and read it. As worrying as it is , he reaches over and closes the book softly so as to not wake the boy and get caught. 

When Hizashi arrives at Midoriya's house , he wakes the boy and helps him make his way into the flat before waving him off with a goodbye. He would tell his husband about the book and about the boy's mother for safety reasons.

Notes:

song i was listening to when i made izuku's book thing was final duet from omori

this probably has many mistakes as my sleeping schedual is absoluetly horrible

Chapter 5: developing

Summary:

this is the last poem thingy ill post for sometime cuz i wanna focus on the plot or something like that. i also have school in a few days and i've been working on a few things with my new friends.

Since everyone lives together at UA, some of class 1-A have noticed midoriya’s.. Odd eating schedule.

Sometimes he eats late at night and early in the morning. But there's 1 thing they realise. Izuku midoriya hates eating in front of others. Or at least that's what they think.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ejiro Kirishima likes to give protein bars to his green haired classmate when he can , he can see there's something wrong with midoriya and is worried for him.

Believe it or not he used to have an eating disorder , which does come back to affect him every now and again , which is why he carries around protein bars for himself and now midoriya. The only people who know this are Mina , Kaminari and Bakugou. they don't mention it though.

Ejiro knows that midoriya has a “schedual” , which he is slowly writing down in his mind , so he is aware that sometimes his classmate doesn't actually eat anything on some days. On those days Ejiro makes sure to give more proteins bars or packets then usual He doesn't see the suspicious look their homeroom and English teachers give them , and Miss Midnight does it after a while as well but he doesn't know that.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------

Izuku midoriya finds it odd but appreciates the bars , it's something easy for him to eat and enjoy. He doesn't eat it straight away. He collects them to put in his snack drawer in his dorm. He doesn't HATE food as much as it seems , but the thought , when it does cross his mind , just makes him feel sick. ( he writes said feelings in his writing book , it crosses his mind too much for his liking ) His mother made a schedule for him growing up , and they have stayed with izuku today , dinner is at 7pm, breakfast is at least by 10am and lunch is whenever, just not near dinner.

So whenever izuku looks at the time he thinks back to the schedule and he does not want to anger or disappoint his mother , even if she isn't here it's the least he can do for her.

The students at UA have dinner at 5pm which really throws izuku off because there's nothing he hates more than eating then eating with people around. And his classmates expect him to eat with them. He tells them he eats at a different time than they do, but Izuku knows they are suspicious and just won't ask about it.

  And if izuku does miss having dinner a lot then nobody mentions it. Well everyone beside his homeroom teacher.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------

Word has it that a certain 1-A student may have trouble eating. Only a small part of the 1-A class students is speaking of this rumour very little, so it's not publicly known. Yet it has still reached Shota Aizawa. His husband told him about it when he overheard a few students talking about it. And so ,with the memories of how his husband read the green haired student's book and now this new subject, Aizawa makes his way to Izuku Midoriya’s dorm room at 8pm.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------

Izuku wants to eat something from his “snack” drawer , but he doesnt think he can manage it right now , despite not eating all day or last night. So it shocks him to hear a few gentle , but firm , knocks on his door. Pushing his book away , he gets up to his feet and opens the door enough so half his face is shown.

He looks up to see dark eyes staring at him. He has half a mind to make a joke but stops himself and instead says, “Uh- good afternoon sensei? Is there something you need?” Izuku says wearily.

“ Can I come in midoriya?” he says, still staring at Izuku. As Izuku moves out of the way and opens the door more, Aizawa walks to the middle of the room and turns to face Izuku.

'Why is he looking at me ? did i do something.' They stay like that for a moment.. Just staring .. awkwardly

. “ Sit on your bed, problem child , we need to talk,” Aizawa says , clearly unimpressed.

“ A-Ah right! Sorry” Izuku quickly makes his way to his bed and sits down , prepared for this conversation. They stay like that for a moment until Aizawa says.

“How are you doing recently?”

“Huh? Um im fine” Izuku says while shrugging. Aizawa looks at Izuku before saying,

“You know you can always come to me or one of the other teachers with anything, right?” This was really odd but Izuku nodded anyway, looking at his teacher but not in the eyes.

Aizawa looks like he wants to say more , but does not and leaves the room. Despite how odd the interaction was , Izuku just ignores it and goes to his writing book. Nobody should know how he feels , but sometimes he wouldn't mind if maybe someone just knew and would help him.

Even if it's just a little bit.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------

Worms intestines

The slick , long , worm like feeling in my throat,

It travels to my stomach but never leaves my mouth.

I can feel my gag reflexes start to get weary,

My intestines grinding like gears.

Breathing becomes heavier and i feel warm,

Now With the worry of throwing it all up.

The idea to let it back out,

A lovely idea at that.

But that might mean im ill,

And I'm fine , I have no reason not to be.

Skip days,

One of the best.

Only food that enters,

are small snacky foods.

Its makes me feel a bit better than eating actual food,

I still feel sick and upset but it works out better.

Notes:

i got the kirishima idea from someone, it was inspired and if i remember who it was ill give credits asap

Chapter 6: a calm day

Summary:

sometimes, even the smaller moments will mean the world to someone.

Midoriya is resigned on his balcony attached to his room, the night wind whistles as it intertwines with his bushy hair and a purple blanket on his shoulders . Sometimes he would remember how his mother would talk about his hair to others. He loved his mother and she loved him , but it still hurt to listen to knowing he probably could not fix it.  

 

In times like these , all Izuku needs is the night sky and music. Not normal music like taylor swift or j - pop. ones like Ren , Baby bugs or Marina. Most times izuku doesn't relate to the songs , that doesn't stop him from making scenes in his head or relax to the melodies with sad meanings . He never understood why he liked these songs but he put no thought to it.

Izuku picks up his phone that was left on the cold floor next to him, and looks at the time.

 

  03:34 AM 

   1 message

 

Izuku scrolls on the message to see what it says.

 

     Mama

    Hey , hows UA? Xx 

 

It's his mum, they talk a good few times every now and then. She still works her normal amount of time at the hospital , now that izuku stays at his school his mum has had some extra money which she sends to izuku.

 

    Mama

   Hey , hows UA? Xx     18:57 PM

 

    You

   Its alright! Nothing new yet! Xx 

   Hows work? :}      3: 36 AM

 

Sent.

Izuku knows that his mum will most likely respond in the morning , but it's okay. He looks at his message to make sure it looks alright. Unfortunately izuku , and his mother , gained the habit of adding x after his messages when he is texting an adult in his family when he was about 14 , from his father who was british.

 

Izuku , now feeling the night air taking its effect , picks up his phone and blanket and enters back into his dorm. He pauses his music and disconnects his bluetooth headphones and places them on his desk both on charge.

 

He walks over to his allmight based bed with his purple blanket and lays down after becoming comfortable with his huddle of blankets. It takes about 27 minutes for him to fall asleep.

—------------------------------

The next morning , which was a lie because Izuku slept through his 4AM and 4:30 AM alarm, he got up out of the comfort of his bed and changed into some running joggers and a white short-sleeved top. 

 

He collected his phone before leaving. He checked to see if his mother texted back , which she didnt of course as it was 5:23 Am, and he made his way to the common room .  he considered making some cereal or rice for breakfast but he felt that he didn't want to wait for rice to cook and doubted that there was any cereal he actually wanted , 

 

Making his decision , Izuku goes to the entrance to put on his red trainers and open his bag to get his wired earphones. As he goes to grab his earphones he notices a small black bento box with a note on.

 

He carefully lifts the box and peels the taped note off the box.

 

    Hey midoriya!

     I know you usually go on a morning run so i thought that u could use  

     this          

     to keep up with your energy! Working out makes me feel totally   

     exhausted   , 

     so I figured it would be the same for you!

 

   Your manliest bro

1. kirishima >:D

Izuku stares at the note for a while, a small smile tainting his face. He carefully folds the note back and puts it in his pocket. He lifts the lid of the bento box and sees 2 sushi rolls , some vegetables and 3 small coloured balls of dango. 

He knew he would need to thank Kirishima for this but for now , Izuku smiled with the bento in his hand.

 

Izuku puts the bento into his bag for later and checks the time after setting up his spotify.

 

05:48 AM

 

Iida would be awake in about 10 minutes , so to waste those 10 minutes izuku goes through his music to see what he wants to listen to today.

 

—-------------------------

“OHAYO GOZAIMASU, MIDORIYA SAN!” 

 

no , izuku didnt scream and hit his elbow on the wall behind him, that's ludicrous! 

 

“Ohayo gozaimasu, iida san!” he responded with a slight hiss while rubbing his elbow. Izuku looked up to see Iida, full of energy. Only the gods know how he has this much energy at 6 in the morning.

 

“I do apologise for scaring you midoriya san! I hope your elbow is alright!” i ida made it known his concerns but izuku easily waved it off, quite literally.

 

“It's okay, Iida san! Are you ready for our run?” asked Izuku, slightly tilting his head with a smile.

 

“Of course! Let's go, the morning air awaits!” 

 

They both speed walk to the front of the dorm rooms, talking about whatever iida was interested in. Izuku liked these calm moments, a reminder that it's okay to not feel sad all the time and to simply have a break with the people he trusts.

 

Walking outside, Izuku sees a flock of robins. A bird of apollon himself, I think that was the indicator he needed to know that today would be a good day. Well sort off as he hasnt eaten and slept only a few hours, damn his forgetful brain.

 

He will eat later.

 

(that was a lie he didnt feel hungry and forgot for a good few days till he remembered that kirishima made him lunch)

Notes:

i want to apologise- i started this chapter uhhhh i cant remember and then i realised, oh shit the fanfic! but in my defense i went through what my friend called a autism burnout and then just dealing with my mothers bull TwT

buttt i did get a poem or three out of it so

i really need to figure out a plot for this, but this fic is a distraction so i can work on my bigger ideas that will take me lots of time to do-

i also wanted to re state that this is me super projecting on izuku and i cant remember shit from the anime so imma have to rewatch it before izuku ends up dying in the war-

if you have any ideas on what u wanna see let me know ill use them as much as i can

Chapter 7: Laughs and Milkshakes

Summary:

some fluff for you before next weeks short angst chapter :> um but TW for the beginning! just out silly greenie being scared cus of mama inko, who i have no clue if imma make her good or bad or both? im just mixing her attributes with my mothers for izuku angst

He fucked up.

He majourly fucked up

 

He was invited to eat dinner with a few of his classmates. He knew they were getting suspicious so he agreed. But it turned out today he couldn't get himself to eat.

 

So he snuck a good amount of it in the bin.

 

It was going so well.. Too well.

 

He checked the time, did he eat too fast? Will they notice?

 

He shook his head until he saw in the corner of his eye, someone was staring at him..

 

He needed an excuse 

Any excuse

 

But his mind was blank, his hands were shaking

 

Maybe he should take it out the bin

 

No he remembers the last time he did that at home, his throat felt dirty for a day or three

 

So in a panic he sped walked past the person, he didn't even look at them, and went straight to his room. Ignoring the worried look he gets from the person he speed walked past.

 

He needs to hide it

 

Hide everything

 

Go through his phone

 

Emails

 

Socials

 

History

 

Books

 

Deleting everything he possibly can

 

But it's not enough, he doesn't even know what he needs to delete. There's nothing to hide. Not anymore.

 

Knock knock

 

Izuku froze, a book from his bookcase in hand that he was checking to see if he should hide it.

 

“Midoriya?”

 

He's been found. She knows, she knows, she will find out, she always does.

 

I zuku couldn't think, couldn't move. Thinking of all the times he got caught in a lie. His throat and tongue felt dirty and hurt. He doesn't want to breathe, he won't taste the dirt.

 

He tiptoed over to his bed, careful not to make a sound. He hid his phone under his mattress and his laptop lay under him. He knows how to fake asleep.

 

So he waits

 

And waits

 

Waits

But no one came into his room, surely that meant he was safe.

No, he needs to get rid of it, she will find out. He needs a drink to get rid of the dirt but now they think he's asleep. 

 

He will not move.

 

This must be karma for thinking it would be a good week. Why can't he feel safe for once.

 

It's not fair all he wants is to understand what it's like to feel okay again. Maybe he has always been okay and has been overreacting his whole life. He wouldn't be surprised with the stuff he reads and grew up with.

 

He can still taste the dirt. He remembers how he was scared as a kid.

 

“I swear to god izuku, if you threw it in the bin..” she didn't even look at him.

 

He thinks? He can't remember such small details, but he feels like he wasn't being looked at. But at the time, that was all he needed to walk back into the kitchen and over to the bin. Hidden in one of the take out bags in the bin was part of his food. He was scared and didn't want to get in trouble. He couldn't do it so he spat it back into the bin. 

 

Maybe she won't even check or find it. 

 

Fear makes children do stupid things. But he will still remember that day, and still remember the taste, the feeling of the dirt, even if there was none. He still feels the guilt and disgust in him.

 

He closes his eyes, and waits a painful 3 hours for him to fall into a light sleep. 

—-------------------------------------

 

T he next day he wakes up, yesterday's events not forgotten but he doesn't really feel anything about it anymore. His only question is

 

Who was watching him? And who followed him?

 

Izuku shakes his head. It doesn't matter as long as it doesn't get brought up.. Okay maybe it matters a lot.

 

He opens up his laptop to check the time. 04:25. 5 minutes before his alarm goes off. He turns his alarms off for the day when he gets the phone back from under the mattress. 

 

He gets dressed and goes downstairs, maybe to get a small snack or a drink? Who knows, this is just a habit he adopted as a kid so he could get himself to get up and feed the cat he used to have.. He misses his cat.

 

Walking into the kitchen, Midoriya sees a familiar redhead making a drink, laughing quietly. 

 

Kirishima stops and looks over to see who walked into the kitchen, to see midoriya, to which he instantly smiles happily.

 

“Midoriya! Hey dude! Ohayo gozaimasu! Or Oyasumi, either way! Hi!” 

 

Izuku gave a tired smile, he doesn't know kirishima very well, but he has yet to thank him for the lunch that was made.

 

“Ohayo gozaimasu and Oyasumi nasai! I think both work for now.” Midoriya laughed a bit, kirishima did too!

 

“So! Why you up, bro? Need something?” kirishima asked as he put the milk back into the fridge. 

 

Midoriya pondered for a second, he wasn't sure. He isn't hungry nor thirsty. But at the same time he wants a drink or something small to chew on to keep his mind distracted.

 

“Uh.. “ he said out loud, before shrugging.

 

Kirishima just nodded in response, before grabbing another cup and then turning back toward midoriya.

 

“Fair enough, dude! How about a milkshake? Kaminari-san says i make killer milkshakes.” Everything about kirishima just shows how proud he is of that. Midoriya can't help but smile at it.

 

“I- if you don't mind! I- i know how to make-” he gets cut off.

 

“Midoriya! Don't worry about it! I love making them!” kirishima nods determinedly. Midoriya tugs at his sleeves a bit, nervous but grateful.

 

“O- okay kirishima-san! I- if you don't mind!”

 

“Of course I don't mind bro! What preferences you got?” kirishima asks as he gets the milk back out. Midoriya realises his mistake instantly.

 

“U- um w- well..” 

 

He looks up at kirishima embarrassed, only to see him patiently waiting. 

 

It's silent for a moment.

 

“W- what's t- the dif- difference between.. Uh.. between vanilla and banana..?” 

.

 

.

 

.

 

And kirishima starts to laugh, hand over his mouth.

 

“S- sorry, dude. I- i'm not l- laughing at you i- i promise” kirishima wheezes out, attempting to calm down.

 

Midoriya can feel his shoulders start to shake.

 

But he's not scared,

 

And he starts to laugh as well, it seems that the night time giggles have returned for vengeance! Well at least that's what izuku like to call them.

 

They couldn't stop laughing together.

 

“Mi- mido” kirishima couldn't finish his sentence, laughing again as he put his hand on izuku's shoulder. Kirishima starts to cry, and izuku starts to laugh even more.

 

“I- i can't, y- you're crying i-” midoriya replies in an attempt to apologise. They don't even know why they are laughing this much, but they can't stop.

 

 

 

It takes an hour for them to calm down and get their milkshakes made. Now sitting in the living room, milkshakes in hand. Every now and again izuku will cough to stop himself from laughing again, while kirishima takes a deep breath.

 

“T- thank you.”

 

Kirishima looks over to midoriya, slightly confused.

 

“U- um, f- for making m- me that bento a- and t- this milkshake..” Izuku looked at the milkshake in his hands, a slight smile on his face.

 

Next to him he could hear some movement before he felt his arm get poked. Izuku looks up to see kirishima sitting cross-legged next to him smiling.

 

“It's nothing dude! I'm happy to help.” kirishima grinned before poking izuku again. In turn, Izuku's smile grew bigger as he poked Kirishima's leg.

 

“We have school in about 4 hours, you want me to stay down here with you?” kirishima asked.

 

Izuku smiled and nodded.

 

“It's up to you! I'm fine being alone while I finish my drink!”

 

“Alright dude! Imma go work on my homework, stay safe bro!” kirishima said, making his way up to his own room.

 

It took a few moments for Izuku to realise that he can no longer taste the dirt, feel the guilt, or panic.

 

And he smiles, unsure who to thank. But he thanks the world and his new friend.

 

It's like he knew.

 

Wait a sec, HOMEWORK?? 

Notes:

dunno what to with kiri and midos relationship! but have a few ideas :}} and i wonder who was watching izukuuu

sorry im really bad at writing how it looks in my head

also i do this thing were at night ill randomly start laughing at something that isnt even funny and then the other person will start laughing too even tho its not funny, i just wanna explain just incase this isnt the universal thing to do-

Chapter 8: kirishima's pov

Summary:

trigger waring! bulimia and nightmare! remember you are loved and perfect because there is no one who can be a better version of you.

He leans over, heaving into a bowl. His entire room smells vile and he has his mouth covered by the part of his hoodie to quiet his cries.

 

“Who ate the last of the rice!”

 

He can feel his breaths get heavier as he leaned into the big bowl. Another echoing voice yelled out around him.

 

“Fucking fatty, eating all the food.”

 

Nothing more leaves his mouth as he gags. Giving up, Shakily reaches out for his water bottle.

 

“I mean, have you seen how chubby you have gotten”

 

The water felt like poison going down his throat. He coughs ,sniffling, in his elbow trying hard to not throw the water back up. 

 

“What do you mean you don't like cake anymore?”

 

He gets up, and walks slowly to his desk, using his wall and bed to help him lean on to make it over. His entire body is shaking like a leaf.

 

“Look at the pig out of his pen!”

 

He opens his desk drawer, hidden underneath many bits of useless junk. he reaches for his notebook, calculator and scale.

 

“He's kinda weird.”

 

Opening the notebook to its next clean page.

 

“What the fuck is THAT ”

 

He places the scale on the floor in front of him.

 

“If you keep dressing like that, no-one will want you.”

 

He stands on it, eyes closed as the small screen lights up.

 

 

 

GASP

 

 

 

Kirishima jolted out of his bed, looking around. Cold sweat dribbled from his forehead, his breaths irregular and fast.

 

Just a dream, it's okay, he is better now, no need to worry.

 

He grabs his blanket, throwing it over his head, and curls into himself, hand over his mouth as he starts to sob.

 

He is meant to be better now. He can't let it happen again.

 

After crying under his blankets for what felt like ages, He wipes his face with a shaky hand and puts on his red riot slippers. Quietly, he opens the door to his room and steps out into the dorm room hallway.

 

It's okay.

 

He wraps his arms over his stomach as he walks downstairs. He tries to focus on his breathing. He thought about his friends.

 

He walks into the dorm room kitchen where the air is cold, pausing at the fridge, unsure what to make. He searches around to see what they have.

 

He thinks about his favourite book he read, and he smiles shakily. Anything to get his mind off it.

 

He thinks about how mina-san helped him dye his hair and did his nails, very messily but it was worth the fun. He takes a deep breath. The air tastes cold and slightly dusty in his throat but sweet like his new home.

 

He thinks about how nice his new class is, they all care so much like a family. He draws what is meant to be a steady breath, he opens the freezer and grabs the spare ice cream.

 

He thinks about his plans to make friends he can put a lot of trust in. He starts to hum a calming tune, eyes closed.

 

He thinks about the time Bakugou walked headfirst into a lamppost, he chuckles quietly as he blends his milkshake together. When did the stuff get in the blender? when did he even get the rest of it? Who knows..

 

his thoughts get interrupted as he hears quiet steps near by.

 

Turning to see midoriya standing behind him, a confused and tired look on his face, he couldn't help but smile. Despite the lingering memories, the sight of the messy haired boy made him feel calm. If only for a moment.

Notes:

if its not obvious, im trying to get a hold of a schedual so i can get this fic over with because i have a google docs full of mha fic ideas and some that i have started on since the attack of ao3. thing is thoes fics are much more fleshed out and will have more dedication on than the one shots and fics like these.

also a few fics/ chapters may come late because imma have surgery soon, unsure when but apparently its soon.. fun :>

Chapter 9: intervention pt 1

This was a moment that had to come, midoriya's quality of work and energy in general has started to deteriorate. Aizawa was looking around his office, cat mug in hand and lost in thought. The familiar surroundings of his bland office brought slight comfort despite the endless thoughts that purged his head. Just as he started to create the next situation, there came a knock at the door, jolting him fully back to the present.

 

The door opened before aizawa could even move, revealing the bright haired figure he called his husband. Hizashi smiled brightly in contrast to Aizawa's usually deadpanned demeanour. 

 

“Shouta! Ya called?" Hizashi exclaimed, tilting his head as he playfully grinned with a wink making aizawa groan. Rolling his eyes, aizawa walked over to hizashi and closed the door to his office before speaking. Looking back at his husband he can see slight concern etch his face, observing aizawa before reaching his eyes.

 

“Shou? Is everything okay?” hizashi asked, taking off his shades and holding out a hand for aizawa, who only huffed in response

 

“Midoriya and his work has been declining significantly. His energy in hero training has been sloppy." Aizawa says bluntly, getting straight to the point. Hizashi only sighs as he and aizawa walks over to aizawa's desk he can tell his husband had previously prepared for this conversation since hizashi read one of the poems and told his husband of it.

 

“I know Shou, we know.” hizashi states before looking to once again meet his gaze. “We need to approach the kid and help him, i know you like keeping your unbothered facade but i can tell you care about the kid and his mental health more-” he gets cut off by a hand raised.

 

“I know, but i dont any sort of conflict happening. Not yet. The kid is still unstable,” his husband winces slightly at the wording but he knows aizawa just can't think of a better word. “He needs help from someone he can trust. Not to mention the murmurs of both midoriya and kirishima.” 

 

“Shouta, you have seen or well heard about the poems. It's clear the kid won't go to anyone, so we need to go to him.” Hizashi's voice was strong and stable as he leaned forward slightly.

 

The office stays silent, the ticking of a clock and the early morning birds tweeting being the only ambience to join. Aizawa tries to hide his nervousness, but when his husband huffs, he knows he didn't hide it well enough. 

 

“You're worried about him, and I am too, don't get me wrong.” hizashi says softly as he walks over to aizawa who stands by the desk. “But there's better ways to deal with this, letting the kid bottle it up is not one.” a hand is placed on the usual stoic man's shoulder. They make eye contact and aizawa can see the determination mixed with worry swirl in his eyes.

 

“You have seen the kid, Kami, you’re his teacher more than I am. You know it's unlikely anything bad will happen.” damn it, his husband was always too good with words. With a soft sigh, Aizawa starts to speak.

 

“We have seen part of problem child’s private life, hizashi. If that's anything to go by with the fact the kid has been very clearly running on very few hours of sleep. Who knows what will happen.” aizawa knows he brings up good points, but he has always been the one to overthink ever since Oboro's misfortune. 

 

Hizashi hugs his husband with a sigh, aizawa tenses for a moment uncomfortably, but stays still until his husband looks back at him.

 

“Look, just call the kid to your office and talk to him. I'll be here to help anyways, knowing you. You have to trust me on this okay?” aizawa rubs at his eyes with a huff. He can tell that hizashi is smiling slightly, knowing that aizawa will do as he says. 

 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of the day, Izuku and the rest of his class pack up their stuff to leave. It's slightly cloudy out, perfect weather for a run or to train outside. He walks over to the classroom where Uraraka, iida and Todoroki wait. It's kirishima and Mineta's turn to clean today.

 

He can hear them talking about going out since iida won't be going to his house this week. Before izuku can get a word out, present mic speaks.

 

“Actually, little listener. Mind staying back for a lil’?” Izuku looks over to his English teacher, confused. He nods his head anyways.

 

“Okay, sensei?” Midoriya turns his head to his friends who are giving him curious looks, but he only shrugs at them confused himself. His friends leave slowly and yamada walks closer to midoriya. A smile rests on his face as he looks at midoriya.

 

“Not to worry, little listener! You are not in trouble, me and eraser just need to chat with ya. Ya dig?” yamada says in his usually present mic portfolio. Midoriya still feels uneasy, but nods his head with a small smile anyways.

 

“Okay sensei! Will we be going to aizawa-sensei’s office?” Midoriya asks as they leave the classroom. The halls are slightly filled with students making their way out and some going to their after school activities. Midoriya turns his eyes back to the blond haired man. 

 

Yamada-sensei is slightly smiling as he nods. “It hopefully won't take too long lil listener!” a few more minutes of walking and they finally make it to the staff room. Yamada-sensei slowly opens the door, motioning for midoriya to enter first. 

 

Hesitantly, Midoriya walks in. He can feel his heart thumping and hands shaking. It's not like he is scared of his teachers! Just, he supposes adults might scare him in general. In his defence he can't remember if anything bad had ever happened with his teachers in aldera.

 

Yamada breaks midoriya out of his thoughts. “Just this way, listener!” He speaks loudly as he walks past the green haired boy. Midoriya immediately speed walks behind the hero to catch up. 

 

Knocking on the door seems to make his legs feel like jelly and breathing stops. On the other side of the door he can hear a soft groan before hearing ‘just come in mic. ’ 

 

The door swings open and coal eyes meet two pairs of green.

Notes:

so originally, this was me just throwing my vent poems into fake chapters out of bordem, but then i made a few fake empty chapters for fun. i didnt realise that i would eventually want to make this better and an actual story. but from my view i dont know how to continue it. my initial thought is just midoriya gets help and maybe dadzawa and papamic. uh but i hope u understand why it takes time for me to write these. especially since im so terrible at writing and i have many big fic ideas that im trying so hard to flesh out before i give up and just give the fleshed out plot basics to anyone who wants it. again hope u understand ^^"

Chapter 10: Reqrittten

It's done! Kinda. I've written this into a 5 + 1 fic to make it easy on me. Its probably not any better but if ur interested! Go ahead and feel free to check on it. Its called even grass dies when neglected!

It's updated every Sunday! I'm more excited for whumptober >:)

Sorry for the wait I get horribly distracted. I thought I'd let yall know tho!