Work Text:
It was a beautiful evening. No smog obscured the view of the stars, no rogue was causing mayhem and the crime rate was at an all time low.. But all the vigilantes could feel it— something was brewing in the shadows where no light could reach, just waiting for the right moment for all hell to break loose.
A muffled, fanatic chanting could be heard from one of the abandoned warehouses near the port. An eerie greenish glow was shining through the windows as the voices got louder and louder.
The summoning circle slowly started lighting up, the shine traveling along the lines and the wobbly words scribbled up in a foreign language. They could have been mistaken for a child’s random doodles if not for the precise placement of the letters.
For some reason, goose-shaped crimson candles littered the surroundings, reverently set aflame one by one by the cultists.
Over the months, not just the cultists, but all of Gotham's citizens learned to fear and respect the feathery beasts. No one knew whose idea it was to make goose-shaped candles but they sold like hotcakes.
Pretty soon, it became a new gothamite tradition to light a colorful goose candle and pray to the gods for its wrath not to fall upon you.
Nobody knew for sure when it first appeared or where it came from, but it was first spotted one fateful day in May.
The Joker was having one of his usual rants about Batman while holding multiple people hostage, promising gruesome death for all of them, if Batsy didn’t comply with his demands.
Then the Goose appeared.
It was like hate at first sight. The creature let out an unearthly shriek as its glowing green eyes aligned with the Joker’s, pouncing on the clown in all its feral feathery glory. Joker let out a disbelieving screech as the beast honked into his face and attempted to dislodge his eyes from his head. He tried to remove the fiend to no avail, and the creature stabbed into his face with its beak and ripped out chunks of clown flesh like the rabid, face eating monster it was.
The hostages and even the goons watched the spectacle in a stunned silence, eyes unbelieving. How could a creature so small be so vicious? Some Goons cringed at the flash of razor sharp teeth, glinting with their boss’s fresh blood.
Many averted their eyes, unable to watch the gory massacre in front of them. None held the belief that the Joker stood the tiniest chance against THAT.
After what was later dubbed ‘The Joker Incident’, there were many sightings of the bloodthirsty ball of rage. A few were significantly less brutal, but yet more were just as vicious as the first, hammering the fear of God and Goose into the souls of each and every one of Gotham’s citizens.
An adult man dressed up as a furry? Murderous clowns? A dude with a fish tank for a head? They could deal with all of that. But a feral goose on the loose? They’d take another world-ending event over that any day.
One day, Red Robin’s wails could be heard through the whole city, mourning the loss of his specially imported coffee beans.
(No one dared to mention seeing Red Hood and Robin feeding the said beans to the animal in the middle of Crime Alley, cackling evilly while the goose devoured the beans without leaving a single piece behind, even going as far as trying to peck off the fingers of the two vigilantes after finishing, forcing them to run away if they wanted to keep all of their limbs intact.
Ever since then, many videos of the vigilantes' interaction with the beast had gone viral. One of the most popular ones involved Robin, who could be seen handing the goose a gorgeously ornamented dagger while murmuring, “You are a wonderful warrior. Have this knife. I trust you will use it well on your quest of destruction and chaos” with a solemn look on his face.
The goose then lets out a loud honk, as if in acknowledgment, before taking the weapon from the child and waddling away with its new tool of destruction held steadily in its beak. In the background, the boy watches it leave with a proud expression adorning his face.
It was one of the most peaceful encounters between the two, as the previous ones all ended on a less than peaceful note.
Robin’s well-known pet wrangling habits mixed with the feral rage of the goose was a cocktail made in hell. The goose’s hate for the vigilante was well known at this point, as all of Robin’s attempted abduction and adoption schemes had failed in the face of the goose’s green-eyed wrath. At this point, the only time the creature let him near was when he brought it some kind of offering, be it food or a brand new weapon.
But all in all, the video of ‘Gotham’s Dark Knight vs Infernal Goose’ stayed as the top search result for months to come no matter how many new clips of the creature got uploaded.
It showed all of Gotham’s citizens why they should stay humble and not question the goose anarchy, because if their self-proclaimed protector ended up looking so miserable against it, they stood absolutely no chance.
The feed was bobbing up and down because of the cameraman’s laughter.
The whole event looked like a video game showdown.
On one side was Batman and on the other was the feathery terror. The dark knight’s legs were spread in a ready position, arms held out ready to pounce any moment. The man only had a second before he had a face full of a whirlwind of feathers, his cowl doing nothing to protect him from the fury of the beast.
In his haste to get the thing off of his face, he fell on his back, rolling around the ground trying to dislodge it with no success. Scrambling around to reach for the net gun strapped to his utility belt, he stopped trying to tear the thing down from his face for a few precious seconds.
Taking its chances with a speed that shouldn't be possible, the bird tore one of Batman's pointy ears straight off of his cowl and retreated to a safe distance, holding up the trophy proudly in its beak.
Batman was back on his feet with a well practiced roll, now with a net gun securely in hand and one ear less making an absolutely comical sight.
“Oh my god! He looks like a fucked up unicorn!” the almost hysterical exclamation of Red Hood could be heard from the blindspot of the camera accompanied by the wheezing laugh of the rest of the flock.
The goose spit the ear out of its beak and started to circle around with the dark knight mirroring his movements , both looking for an opening to exploit.
As if on a signal, both of them moved at the exact same time.
Batman shot the gun, ending up trapping the bent over Red Hood in the net making him fall straight off the roof, which only made the rest of the batkids laugh even harder.
After the successful dodge, the goose saw an opening and lunged. Batman, who was still fumbling with reloading the gun, was too late to stop the goose from going straight for his cape.
Without an ounce of mercy, it latched onto the middle of the crusader’s cape, tearing into it like it murdered its mother, talons and beak holding it in a vice grip leaving no chance of escape for its victim.
Seeing no hope of getting the infernal creature to release its death grip from his cape, Batman desperately reached for the clasp to release the cloth, rather than letting the goose drag him back to the depths of whatever avian hell it hailed from.
The beast did not revel in its victory for too long. As if only noticing it was being filmed now it snapped its head towards the cameraman, eyes lighting up in an eerie green glow.
The cameraman's laughter abruptly cut off as they let out a few wary noises.
Like the nightmarish creature it was, the goose started dashing towards them at an inhuman speed. The cameraman could only let out a terrified squeak before making a futile move to escape.
With a final infernal honk the feed abruptly cut off.
All of Gotham's citizens prayed for the poor, brave soul’s salvation.