Chapter Text
James has always been a party animal, there wasn’t a rager in college that he and Sirius weren’t invited to, they were known for their crazy stunts and for being able to outdrink everyone around them. James has been the life of the party his entire life, so he has no idea how he got here. Sitting by himself on a stool in a crowded bar waiting for a vampire to appear so that he can kill him.
He’s been here all night and hasn’t spotted even one blood-sucker, usually, this is one of their most sought out places. James is almost giving up, the only thing keeping him there is thinking about the lies he would have to tell Sirius when he asks him how many he killed that night. When suddenly he sees him . James can tell he’s a vampire from afar, no human moves as elegantly or as effortlessly as he does.
James trails him to the other side of the counter, approaching him as soon as he sits on the stool, except when the vampire finally turns to him all the words get stuck in his throat. He’s gorgeous. Sure James is used to vampires being prettier than normal, but not like this. None of them has ever had this effect on him. He’s almost as tall as James, with perfect ivory skin, and features as sharp as they are elegant and impeccable dark curls that James wants to mess with his fingers.
“Is there something that you want?” Even his voice is perfect, James has to resist the urge to groan. He’s screwed. The vampire sounds amused, lips twitching and grey eyes twinkling with mischief as he studies him just as thoroughly as James did with him.
“Uh…” James's intrusive thoughts win and what comes out of his mouth is the last thing that he would’ve wanted to say. “Do you want to shag?”
James is graced with a smile so big that he can’t help but wonder how the vampire hides his canines while doing it.
“How about a drink first? You seem nervous.”
James gulps. “Not nervous, nope. Not at all.”
“Good, then why don’t you start with your name?”
He’s in such haste that he forgets to give him a fake name. “James.”
“Regulus,” is an aristocratic name, it sounds even richer when coupled with Regulus's perfect pronunciation and a slight accent that James doesn’t recognize.
“It’s nice to meet you,” he says automatically.
Regulus merely smiles, calling the bartender to their side. “So what are you having?”
James doesn’t actually drink alcohol when he’s planning on hunting, he never knows when he’ll have to fight and being intoxicated doesn’t help when vampires are already way stronger than the average human.
“Beer is good,” he chooses the beverage with the least amount of alcohol.
“And your most expensive Chardonnay if you will.” Regulus winks at the bartender who quickly comes back with a glass of red wine and a can of beer.
James frowns. “I thought Chardonnay was white wine.”
“You must be mistaken,” Regulus says smoothly. “My family used to own a winery in France so I’m kind of a specialist.”
“Oh, so that's where the accent is from.” James didn’t like wine or claimed to know anything about it, so he let it go.
“Yeah.” Regulus puts his elbow on the counter, inclining his body in James's direction as he crosses his legs. “Do you like it?”
James almost chokes on his beer, “Uhum.” He's entranced by the way Regulus drinks his wine with a perfect mixture of elegance and seduction. His tongue peeks out of his mouth to lap at the drop of the red liquid that stains his lips prettily. James wants to be the one to clean it up with his tongue.
He wonders if vampires are capable of messing with humans' minds because there is no way that his reaction to Regulus is anything but supernatural. James is a smooth guy, he could flirt with anyone, and he’s certainly sweet-talked a lot of vampires with his charm, which inevitably led them to their deaths, but well who cares? They are all blood-sucking beasts. Or so Sirius keeps reminding him.
James has every intention of killing Regulus at the first opportunity when he eventually tries to drink his blood. No matter how pretty he looks or how soft his voice sounds when he speaks. James is on a mission and no one is stopping him from accomplishing it, he would not disappoint his best friend. He needs to keep telling himself until he is sure of it.
“What do you do for work?” Regulus asks him.
“I’m a writer.” James really can’t tell him the type of books he writes, he doesn’t think Regulus will appreciate the depiction of vampires on those.
“Are you a romance writer?” Regulus teases, one hand softly caressing James's arm.
“Something like that.”
“So you come to bars to find yourself new love stories to tell?”
“Pretty much,” he gulps his beer in one go, and Regulus smiles with satisfaction, indicating to the bartender that he should give them another round.
“And are you always this direct?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you come up to all of them and ask to shag?”
James chokes on his new drink. He’d almost forgotten about that. “Sorry for that, I…” he messes with his hair, a nervous tick he hasn’t lost since childhood. “I was caught off guard by how gorgeous you looked, I mean I knew you were good-looking, but from up close… Yeah, I wasn’t ready for that.”
Regulus smiles so much James thinks it’s a wonder he hasn’t seen his fangs yet. James really wants to see them. He can’t help but think that Regulus will look even more seductive baring them to him with blood dripping down his chin while he’s on top of him, allowing James to drink every drop from his skin with his tongue.
James shakes his head in exasperation, he can’t let Regulus get to him, he has the power to make him question all his morals and allows his mind to imagine every type of scenario that he shouldn’t be partaking in.
They talk some more, Regulus teases him and James drinks in hope that it will prevent him from doing something stupid, like kissing him. It does help him become less nervous in the vampire's presence, allowing him to tease him back once or twice to Regulus's delight.
“Did you drive here?” Regulus finally asks after a couple of minutes, it couldn’t have been more than an hour, James is sure.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” Regulus pays for their tab without listening to James's protests. “Lead the way.”
James's hands are slightly shaky when he opens the door to his car. Killing Regulus is the last thing he wants to do right now, except for disappointing Sirius.
Regulus kisses him as soon as the door closes on them, which puts James even more on edge. He kisses him slowly and lewdly. It’s a tease, a small show of what he’s capable of doing with his tongue, it also doesn’t allow James to have any control over it, probably so that he won’t stumble upon a fang or two, nonetheless that’s the last thing on James mind right now, he’s deliriously following Regulus' lead.
His mouth tastes like nothing that James has ever felt before, it’s so divine he could easily brag that now he knows what the ambrosia from the gods feels like. James could die knowing he’s never going to feel anything better. Until Regulus pulls back and says, “Let’s go to my apartment.”
James freezes, he never goes to a vampire's house, he usually parks in a secluded place and kills them as soon as the fangs come out. So he pouts, his voice full of true desperation when he replies, “I know a spot nearby where we can park, no one will see us.”
Regulus plays with James's unruly hair. “I live close by, I’m sure you can wait a few more minutes.”
“Reg,” his voice comes out as a whine, making the vampire smile seductively and lean in to brush their lips against each other, when James tries to deepen the kiss Regulus leans back. The tease. James wants to wrap his hands around his neck and bring him back to him, he wants to see his eyes widen in surprise and become hooded with desire.
“There isn’t enough space here to do even half of the things I want to do to you.”
What could James possibly say to that? It’s not like he can’t kill Regulus in his apartment, so he drives off listening to the directions being told as Regulus caresses his thighs with one hand, squeezing it randomly and almost making James jump out of his seat.
Turns out the apartment was close to the bar, or James's perception of time has been screwed from his proximity to Regulus, he thinks they couldn’t have been there for more than an hour but when he checks on the dashboard he realises they had been talking for almost three hours. James needs his brain checked as soon as possible.
To no one’s surprise, Regulus lives in the penthouse, as if the place wasn’t fancy enough already. Why would he need a place that big if he was living by himself? As soon as Regulus opens the door James notices that Regulus does not live by himself. It’s just his luck.
Two men are lazing around shirtless on the couch, both with the same type of ethereal beauty as Regulus. One with angular features, skin as pale as Regulus and forest green eyes while the other looked like the other side of the coin.
With brown skin, pouty lips and a bleached buzz cut. They look beautiful together, one contrasting the other artfully. There should be a painting of them hanging from a museum. It’s the only place it would do them justice, they belong amongst the most fancy and appreciated artefacts.
The brunette one had been laying on the blond's chest as they watched Master Chef. James would have recognized the show anywhere, Sirius is a huge fan. He could also recognize they were vampires as quickly as they noticed their presence. Fuck. James is screwed, there is no way he can fight three vampires at the same time.
The only thing that helps him is the element of surprise, it’s not like Sirius's training had suddenly made him as strong as a vampire. Sure, James has muscles and he actively works out. He could even go as far as saying that he is strong, but he has nothing on a rookie vamp and he has no idea how old these bastards are. James can’t risk it, he also doesn’t want to die having all the blood from his body drained out of it so he finds himself at an impasse.
“You guys didn’t tell me you were going to be home,” Regulus says as soon as the brunette stands up, being quickly followed by the other one.
James is already wondering if he could create some lie that could get him the fuck out of there. While also doing everything in his power not to stare at either of their bare chests, they both have tattoos, but the brunette’s body is entirely filled with them.
One of them especially caught his attention, it’s of a snake in the middle of his chest, it looks like it’s slithering through his torso. James wants to trail it with his tongue. While the blond one has two snakes in the bones of his waist leading to his hips, James almost can see their heads from how low his grey sweatpants are hanging on his hips. That isn’t the only thing he can see.
James feels his face burning, he’s never seen anything as hot and dangerous as that, for a moment his intrusive thoughts win and his mind is filled with the image of them cornering him into Regulus, with menacing eyes and rough hands. Thankfully vampires couldn’t read minds, or so Sirius keeps telling him. James prays that he hasn’t been lied to.
“You didn’t say you were going to be on the hunt,” the brunette says excitedly, almost jumping on his feet, he has a sharp smile that added to his unnervingly wide eyes making him look even more dangerous.
“I wasn’t, James found me,” he notices Regulus keeps him slightly behind him without making it obvious, nonetheless the eyes from both zeroed in sharply on the hand Regulus keeps at James's wrist.
Why the fuck has he decided it’s a good idea to follow a vampire to his natural habitat?
“James,” the blond says slowly as if he’s tasting the name on his tongue, he has the same slight French accent as Regulus. It makes everything sound nicer when they are the ones saying them. “It’s a nice name.”
“A very common one.” James keeps telling himself he doesn't want them to notice him, no matter how gorgeous they look, Regulus has an air of hidden danger, but that’s the thing, he keeps it hidden. These two don’t bother to do the same. They want to make James uncomfortable.
“You look very far from common to me.”
“And Regulus would never bring a common person here,” the brunette adds.
“All right, enough.” Regulus practically pushes James into him, putting an arm protectively around his waist. Everyplace his body connects with the other man tingles, James is being pulled to him like a magnet to its opposite pole. It is fitting, he supposes. The vampire hunter being attracted to the vampire, are there bigger opposites than that?
“James, this is Barty,” he indicates to the brunette with his other arm, “and that’s Evan, they’re my...” Regulus pauses looking uncomfortable for some reason. “They’re my partners.”
“Oh.” James has no idea why that makes this awkward. “So you guys run a business together?”
Barty chokes on a laugh, having to hide his reddening face on his elbow as his shoulders shake. Evan elbows him in the ribs harder than any human could’ve taken, “Something like that,” he answers smoothly.
“Now that introductions are over, we’ll be going.” Regulus keeps his arm firm around him the whole way.
James feels their burning gazes on his back, he has to actively remind his legs how to walk properly, staring at the ground to make sure he wouldn’t trip on some invisible string laying around.
He asks as soon as Regulus closes the door behind them, the room is huge, a bed so big James is sure the four of them would fit in it easily, they wouldn't even need to touch each other laying down to manage it, which would defeat the point of them being in bed together. “Are there soundproof walls in here? Won’t they be bothered by us?” James wants to know if they would be able to hear it in case he murdered Regulus, Sirius told him vampires have a stronger hearing than regular humans.
“Believe me, they won’t be bothered.” Regulus throws him at the door as soon as he closes it. “I’m sure they’ll be doing the same in a few minutes.”
And then he’s kissing James again and he thinks he might die from pure exhilaration, his heart has never beaten so fast, from the mixture of the pleasure and danger he’s experiencing, not only from Barty and Evan but also from Regulus. James is trying to focus and wait for the moment where he’ll attack him, where the fangs will appear and he’ll try to go for his neck. Except that the moment never comes.
Regulus leads him to his bed. He takes his clothes off and kisses him again. Regulus never tries to drink his blood. James had never been more relieved in his entire life until he heard loud moans coming from the other side of the wall as well as a banging sound, he swears he could feel the bed shaking from where it rested against the wall.
He freezes. “Is that…?”
“Barty, yeah.” Regulus laughed. “He thinks everything is a bloody competition.”
“Oh, are they always this loud?”
“Yeah, we should show them how it’s really done.” Regulus winks and James can’t stop himself from kissing him again, nestling himself between Regulus's open legs as he groans against his mouth.
The sounds coming from the other room only make him hornier, it makes James uninhibited. He moans louder, and thrusts his hips more violently than he would’ve dared if Regulus wasn’t a vampire — he takes it and begs for more, his nails scratch James's back so hard it leaves remains of blood in them, James is pretty sure Regulus licks them later when he is cleaning them up — and James comes harder than he ever has in his life with the thought that Barty and Evan can hear them too.
That they’re getting off from the sounds they are making, he can’t help but wonder how they look when they are shagging. What position they are in, if Barty had been with his face down and his arse in the air or if Evan had been fucking him against the wall. He wouldn’t doubt that by the sounds that were coming through.
***
James wakes up feeling the most relaxed he’s ever felt in his entire life, he’s laying in the fluffiest cloud with a comforting weight on his chest as if the hole in his heart is finally beginning to be filled. He opens his eyes in a haze, everything is blurry around him and he has no idea where he left his glasses.
All he can see is a black duvet, long pale limbs on top of him and the fluffiest black curls smothered against half of his chest and neck. He takes one arm out of the man on top of him and reaches out to the bedside table, knocking over a bottle of water until he finally grabs his glasses.
As soon as he puts them on he has to restrain his urge to scream, Regulus, the vampire is laying over him, he looks soft in his sleep, face completely relaxed and devoid of any malice. Nonetheless, all James can feel is dread.
He slept with a vampire, the species he swore to his best friend that he would kill if he ever saw them attacking humans. Well, he never actively saw Regulus drinking blood from someone. But hadn’t Sirius said they were all evil creatures who ought to be eliminated?
James is at war with himself, but he knows that he won’t come to any conclusion as long as the vampire is still laying naked by his side, looking like the perfect picture of a fallen angel, temptation dripping from each one of his pores.
Very delicately he takes the cold arm from his waist, disentangling himself from Regulus. James dresses himself as quickly as he can without making any sound, he grabs his shoes with the intention of putting them only when he’s in the outside corridor facing the elevator. Except he never makes it there. The first thing he sees once he closes the door and steps into their living room is Barty bent over the kitchen counter, Evan has a strong grip on his neck, keeping his torso pressed to the counter as he fucks him.
James freezes in place, this is the last thing he was expecting and probably the second thing he wanted to see the most yesterday, despite the dangerous layer that had surrounded them, maybe because of it. James has always been attracted to danger. He loves to feel his heart accelerating, his hands sweating in anticipation or fear, he can’t always tell.
Now he drinks the image in front of him like the sweetest gift it is. He doesn’t even blink, couldn’t accept it if he lost even a second of this interaction. Evan's eyes lock on his, the only indication that he sees him is the slight smirk on his face as he moves his hips even harder than he had been doing before.
“Fuck, Ev.” Barty moans with his face pressed sideways on the counter, “Harder,” he demands, James is pretty sure he’s pushing his hips back onto Evan incessantly, too bad he can’t see anything from their waist down. Nonetheless, the view of their sweaty torsos and the sound of their rough grunts are more than enough for him to start feeling his pants get tighter around the front.
Evan pulls Barty by the hair, bringing his torso almost flush with his chest, Barty’s hooded eyes light up when he sees James standing there, “You like that, babe?” he teases, James isn’t sure if he’s talking to him or Evan.
Evan’s hand wraps around Barty’s throat, squeezing it and making the other man’s face go red, James didn’t even know that vampires could get red, or if they could die from lack of oxygen. He guesses that they couldn't, considering Sirius had said that the only thing that killed them was a wooden stake to the heart. But Evan’s grip is harder than any human could be, he looks like he might snap Barty’s neck at any moment. And Barty appears to enjoy nothing more than that. A recklessly satisfied smile on his face as he drops his head on Evan’s chest, arching his back even more to allow him to properly fuck him.
James doesn’t even notice when Regulus enters the room until he is suddenly in front of him, if he had been frozen in place before now he couldn’t move nor speak even if his life depended on it. Maybe it does. And yet no words leave his lips, they are stuck on all the saliva pooling in his mouth, his tongue feels heavy in his mouth, his eyes hooded and his breathing harsh and uneven.
James is expecting Regulus to berate him, to stop this madness and curse him for invading his friends' privacy and not making himself scarce after witnessing them in the throes of passion. However Regulus drops to his knees in front of James, a slight smirk to his lips and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “May I?”
James can do nothing but nod his head dumbly.
Barty laughs. “If you don’t close your mouth I’ll be tempted to fill it with my cock.”
James's mouth snaps shut involuntarily, even though there is nothing that he would’ve liked more, even as Regulus grabs his cock and wraps his lips around the head. All James can imagine is himself sucking Barty’s dick on all fours as Regulus fucks him from behind, every time Evan would snap his hips against Barty’s arse, his cock would force itself more into James's mouth, hitting the back of his throat as he gagged on it.
James aches to be filled everywhere, he could envision it with misty eyes, pleasure shooting through his body as Regulus licked the underside of his cock and played with his balls. Fuck . There is no way he is going to last. Not when Evan twisted Barty’s face to give him an open-mouthed kiss that was almost as lewd as everything else that was happening around the room.
Not when he looks down and sees Regulus' pretty pink lips wrapped around his cock, tears and saliva running down his face, his pretty curls messed up from James's hands and sticking to his cheek. He hadn’t even realised he had been gripping Regulus's hair so roughly, but it’s not like Regulus has complained, in fact, he had been moaning around his dick, the vibrations making James shudder in pleasure.
James could swear he sees stars when he comes down Regulus' throat, he closes his eyes so hard his vision goes white, no matter how much he tries to keep them open to see what’s happening in front of him, the pleasure that fills his entire body is too much for him to be able to keep them open.
He’s sure he goes to another dimension and comes back in a matter of seconds. Except for the fact that James isn’t good when it comes to keeping track of time when he is in the vampire’s presence, so when he comes to he is laying on the sofa, three pairs of eyes on him. Worried grey ones, amused green and curious dark ones.
“Are you okay?” Regulus asks him as soon as he opens his eyes.
“Yeah,” James answers crookedly, mind still in a haze.
“Are you sure?”
Barty laughs. “If he almost passed out from that, can’t imagine how he will be after we all-”
“Barty.” Evan reprimands him sharply, his dark eyes settled on him passing a clear message through them.
“I’m good,” he sits up. “I… I should go.”
He’s too numb to feel embarrassed to look at them right now, but he knows that the moment he recalls what happened and his mind replays all the depravities they've done he’ll be filled with mortification and lust.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather stay?” Barty’s question is filled with second intentions, his tone as suggestive as it gets.
“No… Yeah.” James has no idea what he’s even saying. “I need to go.”
“Here.” Evan gives him his shoes, “You dropped them when you tried to sneak away,” he winks at him teasingly.
Regulus practically pushes them both out of their way. “Give me your phone.”
James numbly reaches into his pocket and pulls it out, giving it to the vampire without a second thought.
Regulus types on it as James puts his shoes on, “Good, now you can go,” he smiles warmly at him, “I’ll walk you to the door.” He takes James by the arm, thankfully because otherwise he might’ve not remembered how to move. Regulus sucked the soul out of him. He wonders if that’s a vampire talent or just a Regulus one.
“It was nice of you to cum James.” Barty teases him from afar.
“You ain’t funny,” Evan tells him matter-of-factly.
“Regulus thinks I’m funny.”
“No, he doesn’t.” Evan says at the same time Regulus answers in the most outraged voice James has ever heard, “No, I don’t.”
“Y’all lame as fuck. I need to find a partner with a sense of humour.” Barty huffs annoyedly. “Do you have a sense of humour, James?” he practically purrs.
“Sure,” he answers automatically.
“Good, I’m sure we’ll see you soon then.”
Regulus practically pushes him into the elevator, smiling sweetly as he reclines his head on the side of the outside doors, “I’ll see you soon,” he looks so innocent like this. Nothing like the vixen that kept demanding more last night, James likes it, seeing both sides of him.
“See you,” he promises without being sure if he means it or not.
James almost gets into a full panic attack as soon as the doors to the elevator close in front of him. As soon as the image of Regulus' pretty face and Barty and Evan bickering behind him are gone, he feels himself getting antsy, as if all the peace he had been feeling had been coming from the vampires.
Did they have that power? Could they release a soothing odour to keep their victims tame? Could they release pheromones to make people desire them more than they have ever craved anything in their entire lives? James was pretty sure they could, he ought to ask Sirius at the first opportunity he could.
Sirius. James needs to call him, he has to make sure this actually happened to him, that he hadn’t imagined it all from the lack of excitement in his life now that Sirius was travelling with his new boyfriend. It’s the first time they’ve been away after finishing uni. James missed Sirius like one might miss a limb, sometimes he thinks Sirius is still there and looks to his side to tell him something to find out that his best friend is not standing there like he always has been.
James doesn’t remember who he was before he met Sirius Black, everything that happened in his life is told apart from before and after Sirius. That’s how important he is to him, how much of a difference he made in his life. Except now they aren’t just two anymore, Sirius has a boyfriend which made them three, and don’t get him wrong James has nothing against him. Remus Lupin is everything he envisioned for Sirius, but now he has to learn how to live without him by his side all of the time.
James calls Sirius as soon as he gets home, he has no idea how he got there and has to look out the window and make sure he didn’t leave his car parked at the apartment. Nope, big red truck sitting right there on his driveway.
Sirius picks up almost immediately, “You fucker,” his angry voice could be heard from the other apartment, James winces as he puts the phone away from his ear. “You never called me last night, I was sick with worry, almost booked a flight to go there but there wasn’t any until today. Hell, I almost ran there myself, you miserable piece of shit…”
“Sirius,” something in his tone must make him understand the gravity of the situation because he stops cursing him immediately.
“What happened? Are you alright? Who do I need to kill?”
“Oh, none of that.” James quickly reassures him. “I’m fine.”
“Okay, good,” he can hear the relieved sigh Sirius lets out. He feels bad for making him worry all night while he had been shagging a vampire.
“It’s just…”
“Spit it out.”
“Have you heard of vampires not feeding when they have sex with humans?” It’s what’s been bothering James the most, all the other vampires he has gone out with, had always gone for the neck as soon as he parked the car in a secluded location.
“Yeah sure, when we really like a person or want to see them again, we can’t drink from them on the first night if we want them to stick around.”
“Oh.” Regulus likes him. Regulus likes him enough to want him to come back before even having sex with him. Regulus likes him.
“Why? Have you shagged a vampire?” Sirius snorts, laughing at his own joke.
James laughs along with him weekly.
Sirius pauses. “James, tell me you haven’t.”
“It’s not my fault.” Damn him for knowing him so well he could read him from the phone.
“Oh, how is that not your fault? Did you trip and fell on his dick?”
“I never said they had a d-”
“Nope, don’t want to hear the details of your sordid affair with the worst race out there.”
“You are a vampire too,” James remembers him.
“Exactly,” Sirius says darkly.
“Sirius,” he tries to protest.
“No, James, just promise me you won’t do it again.”
“I promise.”
“You took a huge risk tonight. What if he’d seen your weapons? What if he found out you planned to kill him? He would’ve killed you on the spot.”
“I know, it’s not like I planned it,” he defends himself, “I had every intention of killing him.” he lies. “He just never attacked me and you know I don’t kill them before the fangs come out.”
“Fine, but you have to promise to never meet with him again. Vampires don’t restrain themselves from drinking unless they get their sights on someone. You should come visit me, it’s been too long, I don’t like being apart.”
“Me neither. But are you ready to listen to Moony complaining about how codependent we are?”
“As long as it keeps you safe.”
“I know how to take care of myself, Sirius,” he says with more force than he intended.
“I hope so.”
They stay in silence for a while just listening to the other’s breathing, it comforts him to listen to Sirius breathing, knowing that he still exists in the world with him even if he’s not by his side.
“Sometimes I wish I never told you what I was,” Sirius admits. “I fear it will only lead you into trouble.”
“Well, I regret nothing,” James answers more savagely than he had intended to. “There is nothing about you that you should have to hide from me, Sirius. I accept and want all of you.”
Sirius sniffles from the other side, his voice comes out garbled when he says. “You’d be the only one.”
“If you told Remus-”
“No, I’m not putting that burden on him too.”
“It’s not a burden, how many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Not everyone thinks like you.”
“Remus would.”
“I can’t be sure of that and I can’t lose him. I won’t lose him. Not because of this, I refuse to lose anyone else because of this.” Sirius's voice is grave.
“Okay.” he acquiesces. “I understand and I love you.”
“You’re a better man than most dream of being, James Potter.”
James's words get stuck in his throat, “Couldn’t you have just said you loved me too?” He chokes out a laugh. “Always trying to upstage me.”
“What can I say? I’m just that great with words.”
James snorts, his mind filled with all the times Sirius invented words that were very far from the English vocabulary, insisting that they existed.
“If you say so, mate.”
“A’ight. I’mma hung up, Moony is up.”
“‘Kay. Talk to you later.”
“Be safe.”
“You too.”
***
James ignores all of Regulus' texts to meet up, he’s considering blocking his number altogether for his and Sirius' peace of mind because he knows that he’s not strong enough to keep denying him. James wants him too badly. The situation was even more dangerous when he took into consideration Regulus' two hot vampire friends, James could barely resist him, he would never be able to deny all three of them.
A week has gone by when an unidentified number calls him, James picks it up.
“Is there a reason why you have been ignoring my messages?” He would’ve recognized that voice anywhere. Regulus sweetly drawls through the phone, putting James completely under his spell again.
“Hey… Hi… Regulus.” He answers too quickly.
“Ah, I thought you’d forgotten about me,” his tone is light.
“I could never forget you.”
“Then why haven’t you answered?”
“I was embarrassed,” he admits to the half-truth. Yes, he’s been mortified every time he remembered what happened in the living room, he also had to rub one off every time it graced his mind.
Regulus huffs, James can hear a burst of laughter from the back, he’s pretty sure it’s Barty. Damn, those vampires and their super hearing. “There’s no need to be embarrassed,” Regulus reassures him. “We all had fun, what’s embarrassing about that?”
“I just never did anything like it before,” he admits.
“Well, I’m sure there are a lot of things you haven’t done before,” Regulus says cheekily. “We would be more than happy to show them to you, though. What do you say?”
James has never been more tempted in his entire life. It’s not like they tried to drink his blood or threatened him in any way. Why shouldn’t he allow himself to have fun and amazing sex in the meantime? Sirius sure is doing the same, matter of fact, Remus is probably having amazing sex with a vampire right now and he doesn’t even know it. James is jealous of him. He wants to have it all too. No matter how dangerous it is. Maybe he can admit to himself that the danger is what makes it even more tempting, makes it sound even more exciting. The not knowing if they’re about to kill him or fuck him, to suck him dry of cum or blood. He doesn’t think he would mind either way, as long as he got to see them again.
“Yeah, sure.” The words are out of his mouth before he even knows he’s come to a decision.
“Great, why don’t you come over tonight?”
“Okay, I just have to finish responding to some emails then I’ll head out. Want me to bring anything?”
“Your presence is more than enough.”
“See you then.”
As soon as James hangs up the phone he bangs his head on the table. Why can’t he say no to him? For fuck’s sake, James Potter is a weak, weak man when it comes to Regulus Black. He also really wants to see Barty and Evan again, to get to know them and understand their dynamics. They are all just so interesting to him, James wonders how long they have known each other. Barty and Evan are clearly together, but they seem inclined to share if last time was anything to go by. And so did Regulus.
He didn’t seem bothered that James was spying on his friends, that James was aroused by them, it looked like he appreciated it considering what he’d done in that situation. Was that a vampire thing? Were they more open-minded than humans when it came to sex? James should have asked Sirius that. After all, after spending centuries with someone things ought to become boring if you don't spice it up, right?
James takes a shower, does a little manscaping just to be sure, tries to get his hair to stay in place and fails miserably. He has no idea why he’s so nervous, it’s not like he hasn’t seen them before. But this time he reckons there's some type of expectation in their interactions. Nonetheless, he drives his car to their apartment. Maybe Barty and Evan won’t be there. He’s not sure what he would prefer, what would make him more relaxed in this situation. All thoughts leave his mind when Barty’s the one who opens the door, James feels his face burning, he’s shirtless, like every other time James saw him, maybe he doesn’t own any shirts. Barty’s green eyes twinkle in mischief and satisfaction, a huge predatory smile on his face.
“Look who’s here,” he opens the door to allow James to enter the apartment, Evan is cooking behind the same counter he fucked Barty on the other day. James wonders if they cleaned it up.
“Where’s your shirt?” It comes out of his mouth before he manages to shut it up.
“I took it off,” Evan says as he cuts different types of cheese. “Don’t you think he looks so much better without them?”
“I never saw him with them.”
“Lucky you.” Evan winks at him.
Barty laughs as he walks backwards to the counter, sitting on top of it and swinging his legs like a hyperactive child, Evan promptly steps between them putting one firm hand on his thigh and feeding him some cheese.
“Tell me you haven’t fucked on the counter before cooking.” James really needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut.
“We haven't,” Evan answers, staring at Barty’s mouth transfixed.
“We were waiting for you,” Barty says without taking his eyes off the other vampire. They might as well be fucking on the counter, that’s how suggestive their eyes are.
James feels his face getting hot. But well if he didn’t want them to talk about it maybe he shouldn’t have been the one to bring it up. “How thoughtful.”
“It really is.” Evan finally looks at him, beckoning him with two fingers to come closer, James does without a second thought. “Especially after you ghosted us, rather rude of you.”
When Evan offers him the cheese, James promptly opens his mouth, eyes never leaving him, he could feel Barty’s entire focus on them. He had forgotten how the sexual tension emanated in the ambience when they were around him.
“I…”
“Shhh.” Barty presses a finger on his mouth. “No need for excuses, you’re here now. That’s all we wanted.”
“Why don’t you sit?” Evan indicates the other side of the counter, in front of Barty, leaving him to move and cook between them.
Evan’s movements are precise, he knows exactly where everything is and where they are, but he doesn’t move around them. No, he purposefully leans on them, passes his hands on their bodies when he moves and feeds them grapefruit directly to their mouths, his knuckles brushing on their lips. Barty bites him playfully sometimes and James has to restrain himself from licking his finger, especially when the juice of the fruit dribbles down it.
Evan gives them wine, well he gives James a goblet, to Barty he feeds it from his own mouth, drinking himself first as he puts one hand on Barty’s throat forcing him to throw his head back and then Evan lets it dribble on the other vampire's mouth. James aches to be the one with his mouth so close to theirs, he’d drink up blood if that’s what it would take to get them to be that close to him.
It takes him a long while of torturous teasing to realise he forgot to ask where Regulus was. As if reading his mind, Barty says before he can ask. “Reg is in the shower, I'm sure he'd love it if you joined, but then we won't be getting any cooking done.”
“Yeah, we need you here to supervise.”
“Like my presence would stop you from being all over each other.”
Barty laughs. “You’re a quick learner, I like that.”
“We wouldn’t dare to begin without Regulus,” Evan says mockingly.
“Yeah, he’d kill us,” Barty pretends to be scared. “Believe me, you don’t want to see Regulus angry.”
“He’s like a feral street cat.”
“I know you're not talking about me behind my back.” Regulus enters the kitchen, his wet hair sticking to his nape and a little curl glued to the side of his face. James is in love. His entire being is completely transfixed on the little drop of water that was running down Regulus's neck, he wants to trace it with his tongue.
“I think you broke him.” Barty chokes out a laugh.
“As if you didn’t look worse when you first saw him like that.”
“I was a teenager, he’s a grown man, there’s no excuse for that.”
James can barely hear what they are saying, all he sees is Regulus walking in his direction, purring slowly in his ear when he gets close enough, “Hello, love.”
James almost falls off the counter from the pet name. He loves pet names, especially when they sound that good coming out of Regulus's pretty mouth. He immediately gets a flashback of them wrapped around his cock and has to do a little adjustment on his jeans. Thankfully Regulus is too busy putting his now warm hands around James's face and kissing him thoroughly.
Someone lets out a loud whistle beside them.
“I’m trying to cook here,” Evan complains. “You’re the one who said we couldn’t do it in the kitchen.”
Unfortunately, Regulus' mouth parts from his as he twists his body to glare at his friend. “And you broke that rule last week, you have no grounds to tell us to quit it.”
“Oh, believe me, honey, the last thing I want is for you to stop.” Evan smiles around his glass of wine as he uses his other hand to urge them on. “Go right ahead. I’m just warning you of what will happen if you do.”
If James hadn’t been hot and bothered before, he sure is now. His entire body twitches in place as goosebumps spread all over. The idea of the four of them fucking at the same time in the same place made his dick so hard it hurts to have it constricted in his pants.
Regulus takes some time to think about it. “All right. Do you need help with the food?”
“Sure, it’s not like these two are any help.”
“Oi,” Barty complains. “I’m busy tasting things, how else would you know if it’s any good?”
They all look at James, he likes having all their attention on him, so he raises his hands in a non-guilty manner, “I’m the guest. Shouldn't you all be servicing me?” He says in what he hopes is a teasing tone.
Evan looks surprised but nonetheless pleased while Regulus looks proud of him as if he’s a little dog that had just performed a new trick.
“Oh, we’ll be servicing you alright.” Barty laughs, teeth flashing in a deranged manner as he widens his eyes in a way that is as frightening as it is hot. “All night long if you want.”
Well, James started it, there is no way he’s backing down now, “Isn’t that what I asked for?” He raises an eyebrow in challenge.
Barty’s smile gets even bigger, he jumps out of the counter sandwiching Regulus between their bodies, he still manages to look James in the eye above Regulus' head. Barty puts both of his arms on the counter, hugging Regulus from behind, chin on his shoulder as he stares at James provocatively. “I think you’re all talk, pretty boy.”
James moves his hands from Regulus' waist to Barty’s, bringing both of them closer to him, he could feel Regulus' breath hitching on his neck, it made him shudder. Barty stares at him as if James is his next meal.
He is about to answer him when Regulus pushes Barty away and says, “Why don’t you save it for after dinner? I’m famished,” he grabs Barty’s arm and takes him to the other side of the counter, silently telling him to stay in his lane as Regulus helps Evan with the food.
James immediately thinks he’s made a faux pas, he tries to catch Regulus' eyes to no avail. Did he offend him by propositioning his friends in front of him? James had thought Regulus was cool with it, hell he’d thought he’d encourage it. Instead, he puts the breaks on things and James respects that, he just wants to make sure they are good.
Evan keeps on cooking and feeding them small bites of everything they are doing, James accepts the food he is putting in his mouth while staring at Regulus with guilty eyes. Should he have not been flirting with his friends before? James is an awful man. Just because it happened once it didn’t mean Regulus had to be okay with sharing him. He likes the thought that Regulus is possessive of him, that he wants James all to himself and yet… And yet something about it irks him. Maybe James is just a greedy man and he wants all of them to himself, at the same time.
He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t even realise when Evan and Barty leave to take the food to the table and Regulus is suddenly in front of him, taking his hands out of his mouth so that James would stop chewing on his nails.
“Now that’s a disgusting habit.”
“Sorry,” he says immediately, staring up at Regulus with his shoulders hunched.
Regulus caresses his cheek slowly with one hand and his thigh with the other, “What for?” His grey eyes are studying him thoughtfully.
“Flirting with them? I don’t know… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
Regulus' eyebrows went up in surprise. “You didn't,” he reassures him.
“I really didn’t mean to…” James pauses, finally understanding what he said. “I didn’t?”
“No.” Regulus frowns, “Why would you… Oh,” he laughs. “I just figured you were hungry and maybe not ready to go all in yet. Barty and Evan can be a little intense, we should ease you into it if that’s really what you want.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Maybe we should talk about this with them, there are some things that you don’t know.”
James panics. Is this when they tell him they are vampires? No, it’s too soon, he’s not ready to acknowledge that, and maybe he never will. Nonetheless, he follows Regulus to the table, sitting in front of him and by Barty’s side.
They start serving themselves while they talk comfortably, James immediately feels welcomed into their midst now that he knows Regulus is okay with it. He laughs with Barty when he makes fun of Evan, James can hear them bickering for hours and never gets tired of it, Regulus doesn’t feel the same, always butting in and putting them in their places, it’s also extremely hot to watch.
It’s only when they finish eating that Regulus brings up the subject. “Do you remember when I said they were my partners?”
James has no idea where he is going with this. “Yeah?”
“Well, I meant it in every sense of the word.”
“Oh.” James looks between them, he isn’t sure he’s following.
Barty rolls his eyes at him, “It means we’re all together,” he indicates the three of them with his fingers.
“Oh.”
Evan laughs. “Now we’ve broken him.”
“I don’t understand, then why did Reg…?”
“Barty and I are exclusive.” Evan interrupts him. “Reg gets bored from time to time, when he finds someone he really likes he brings them to us. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t,” he shrugs.
“But we think it might work out with you.” Regulus held his hand across the table, an earnest smile on his face, it wasn’t like anything James had seen on him before.
“If your reaction last time is anything to go by.” Barty raises his eyebrows mischievously.
“So you’re dating them,” James says dumbly.
“Yes,” Regulus replies with amusement.
“That’s hot as fuck,” he deadpans.
They all burst into laughter, Barty’s shoulder shaking his own. “You’re something else.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“It is.”
It doesn’t take long for them to clear up the table, Barty and Evan wash the dishes as Regulus leads him to the hallway. “So we have our bedroom as in for the three of us, then I have my own and they have theirs.”
“And how does that work? Do you only have sex with both of them at the same time?”
Regulus frowns. “No, when Evan said exclusive he meant only between the three of us, but I’ll admit we’re more often together than apart, they’re terribly codependent, but sometimes Evan only likes to watch.”
The bedroom is even bigger than Regulus’ had been, the bed so wide James wondered how many people they brought there, there was plenty of space for an orgy, and six people could roll around on it easily. “Jesus.”
“Hope you’re not religious.” Regulus jokes.
James isn’t but it was a force of habit, implemented into him by his Christian mother, catholicism is strong in his Latin household. He couldn’t help but wonder what she would think if she knew that he was frolicking with the Devil’s spawn. James shudders. He should probably stop thinking about his mother. It’s an easy task when Regulus kisses him before he can answer.
It doesn’t take long for Barty and Evan to join them, James gets easily overwhelmed by their presence, he’s never had sex with more than one person before (he tries to deceive his mind into believing they aren’t vampires for now, otherwise he might not be able to go through with this). James soon finds out there’s nothing quite like it.
Kissing Barty is like running in the middle of a thunderstorm, violent and reckless but so freeing.
Kissing Evan is willingly throwing yourself at a hurricane, it sucks you in and pulls you until you’re completely in his midst. He’s more demanding, ensuring control with firm hands as he takes - and takes until there’s nothing left of you to give.
James can see why they balance each other out so perfectly, why they never lose that spark, no matter how many years they have been together. Barty’s a free spirit, no one could hold him except for Evan.
While Regulus is all the soft places to Evan’s sharp edges, he’s more than willing to give himself over to all of them with complete trust.
James is still not sure of where he fits in there, but he’s ecstatic he'll have the privilege of figuring it out.
***
It doesn’t take long for him to be spending more time in their apartment than on his own. James and Barty get close so fast it’s almost frightening, he reminds him a little of Sirius, not that he’d ever tell him that, but it makes him more comfortable in his presence.
It also ensures that they are complete menaces together once James is confident enough in his place amongst them. Regulus and Evan frequently run around trying to keep them out of trouble, but they have fun partaking in reckless activities and forcing the others to do the same with them.
Regulus finds it amusing most of the time, but Evan likes to punish them for it. James is sure Barty irritates him on purpose just to get him riled up, grinning in satisfaction when his plans work, when that happens they usually disappear for a few hours. The sounds coming from their bedroom are so rough that James wonders if they shouldn’t check up on them, but Regulus always assures him that they’re fine. Considering they always come back with huge smiles on their faces, James decides to let it go, he has no idea what type of vampiric nasty thing they are doing, but he also doesn’t want to know. For now.
Evan is more reserved when it comes to companionship, but James has always made a point of making people like him, he wouldn’t give up until he knew Evan enjoyed his presence as much as James enjoyed his snarky remarks.
So James made a game of trying to make him laugh, he’d say the stupidest things he could come up with just to try and see him smile. In the beginning, Evan would roll his eyes at his antics, but after a few weeks, James earns a few smirks. It doesn’t take long for Barty to catch onto what he’s doing, leading them to make a competition out of it, the winner usually gaining sexual favours, which made them even more competitive.
Evan is also the one who takes better care of James. He always makes a point of making sure he gives him aftercare, sometimes running him baths or massaging his back and sore muscles. He remembers with more frequency that James needs to eat and drink water, always cooking him fancy French meals.
If James hadn’t known they were vampires he would’ve found out in the first month from how forgetful they had become to hide it after they were comfortable with him in their space. Sometimes forgetting to eat or drink, only going back to act as if nothing happened when Evan remembers James isn't one of them, and that he did need food to survive.
Regulus is the sweetest, James loves to cuddle with him, to read books behind his head as he plays with his fluffy curls. He can be as snarky as Evan is, but he always sounds more fond than exasperated to James's ears.
James has grown more attached to them than he’d ever imagined. He’s always known he had a great capacity to love everyone around him, his mother always said he had a big heart. But he’d never imagined he’d fall in love with three vampires in less than six months.
James is screwed, he has no idea what he’d tell Sirius, he had been lying to him ever since the second call when he decided to omit the fact that he kept seeing them. Not that he told Sirius there was more than one, that would surely give him a heart attack if he was a human.
James has also stopped hunting random vampires, it isn’t something that he particularly enjoyed before, but he’d let himself get talked into it, into defending humans that could be becoming their victims in his place if he didn’t do something about it. James has a bit of a hero complex.
Well, he reasons that at least he is keeping three vampires busy enough that there is no way they are going out there in the middle of the night to kill random people.
He has no idea where they get their blood, but the part of him that feels guilty for being with them hopes it’s from animals as Sirius did. And when the guilt becomes too much James just pretends they aren’t vampires, trying to delude himself into thinking they are all normal humans like him. It only helps when he’s in their presence being warmed by their affection.
James is heading to their apartment right now, he’d previously told them they couldn’t meet up due to a meeting he had with his publisher, but they rescheduled it on short notice so he decides to just head up to their place. Barty usually leaves the door open for him nowadays, it’s not like they have to care about security and he likes surprising them. Today he brings flowers to each one of them, sunflowers for Barty, an orchid for Evan and zinnias for Regulus.
James spent way too long at the flower shop talking to Lily, the owner, who asked everything about the people he was giving the flowers to so that they could figure out which one would please them the most. Which one was better suited for their personalities, if she found it strange that a man was buying flowers for three others she didn’t comment. She merely smiled at him and said she hoped they liked it, Lily was a nice woman. James vowed to go there more often, she seemed like a good friend to have and he was of the mind that you could never gift your loved ones too many flowers.
James opens the door slowly trying to avoid making any sound, he knows it’s difficult to surprise people with super hearing, but that doesn't mean he wouldn’t try. James loves surprises. But the one he finds waiting for him it’s straight out of his worst nightmares.
At first, he thinks they are having an orgy without him, but it takes him a second to realise that the reality is so much worse. There are two unmoving bodies on the floor, Barty and Evan are each on one side of a blonde woman’s neck, their teeth firmly planted on her skin as she moans and arches her back. Regulus has a brown-skinned man laying in his arms as he bites his neck from behind, the scene is horrifying, James feels sick as the food he ate before threatens to spill from his mouth.
Not because he thinks they are awful for hurting innocent people, but because James recognizes what he’s feeling. It’s jealousy. He desperately wishes to be the one they are drinking from, the one laying in their arms as they shudder from the taste of his blood. He despises the thought that the blood that is flowing through their bodies — that is keeping them alive belongs to another. James wants to be the only one to satisfy them.
And that scares him more than any other thought he’d ever had. That there is a part of him that already loves them and doesn't care how much they could hurt others. How much they could hurt him. James finds out something critical about him that night. He has no morals when it comes to the people he loves. Nothing that he wouldn’t forgive or look past.
It terrifies him so much that they have that power over him that he flees the place as quickly as he can, the flowers already having fallen from his hands in shock when he registered what was going on. They don't even notice his presence, all too lost in their bloodlust.
Thankfully James has a bag on his truck with everything he needs from all the times he kept going back and forth between their places, he just usually pretends to forget it so that he could use their clothes. He loves wearing Barty’s shirts, they were comfortable and smelled like Evan since Barty rarely wore them around the house.
The shirt James went to their place wearing is usually stolen by Regulus who pretends he has no idea what they were going on about when James complains all his clothes have been missing. He is pretty sure Evan stole his favourite pants, but could never prove it, he’s much more sneaky than the others, his countenance showing nothing to betray his theft.
James shakes his head trying to get the thought of them out of his mind, he doubts he ever could, they are his favourite topic, his favourite company. Fuck. He goes directly to the airport, booking the closest flight to Wales, James needs to see Sirius.
He is the only one who can calm him down or just offer him the reassurance James needs that he isn’t a terrible person and that Sirius still loves him no matter the awful decisions he has been making lately. But are they truly awful when he’s been happier these three months than he’s been his entire life?
James uses the flight to figure out where Remus's mom's house is, he has no intention of surprising them with his presence, one surprise is enough for him to last for the next ten years.
James gets to a town in the middle of nowhere, with lots of hills, forests and lakes. It’s a different scenario from London, he appreciates it, and it feels exactly like what he needs. Remus is the one who opens the door for him. “James,” he exclaims in surprise. “Couldn’t stay away from Sirius for more than five months?”
James smiles, typical of Sirius not to warn him that James was coming. “What can I say? We’re that codependent.”
Remus laughs, even though he looks worried. “Come in, I think Sirius is in the shower.”
“Thanks, mate.”
James ends up not telling Sirius what happened when he asks him about his impromptu visit. Answering with a simple “What? A man can’t miss his best friend anymore?” Sirius merely smiles and hugs him close, but he definitely has some suspicion that something is going on behind it, James can see it in his eyes.
A few days later when he asks him discreetly out of Remus's ear range how the hunting is going James has to smile and tell him that it has been good. Once again he can feel Sirius doesn’t believe him, they’ve known each other for years, it’s painfully obvious he knows there is something wrong, but he also doesn’t press him to talk about it.
Sirius lets James rest and wander around the hills, he gets to know some caves and different lakes. He really enjoys his time away from civilization, but the ache in his chest never leaves, sometimes it feels like he can’t breathe when he's this far away from them.
Barty, Evan and Regulus carved a hole in his chest and made it their home. James doesn’t want to rip them out, but he wishes it didn’t hurt this much to miss them, especially when they haven’t called him, nor texted, not even once, not even one of them. It leaves him with the impression that it is over, but he doesn’t feel like it ended. Not in his heart.
They haven’t talked about what happened, there hadn’t been any conclusion to their story, just an abrupt stop to it. They were reaching the top of the hill when suddenly James threw them out of it. Most days he regrets it deeply, but then he remembers that they haven’t even come for him and all he feels is pain.
Almost a month must have passed when he felt someone following him in the forest behind the Lupin’s household. James has gotten in the habit of running on the trail there every morning, Sirius and Remus say he’s crazy and refuse to accompany him.
James is immediately alert even though there are a lot of animals in the woods, he’s sure it’s just one of them stepping on a twig or something. He goes back to his run, convincing himself he probably imagined it when James collides with something so solid he almost falls backwards.
“Hey, sunshine.” Barty is standing in front of him, tattooed arms casually crossed in front of him. “Did you miss me?”
James stumbles backwards, “What… what are you doing here?” He turns around immediately looking for the others. “Where are they?”
He hadn’t forgotten how beautiful Barty looked, but he sure forgot the effect it had on him, how deeply enthralled James is by their mere presence, the power they hold over him.
“I’m faster than them.” Barty shrugs. “Besides, Wales is huge when you’re running all over trying to catch a scarce scent, no matter how much you like it.”
James has missed his hoarse voice. “Oh.”
“They wanted me to call them as soon as I found you, considering I’m the better hunter. Evan didn’t trust me to be the one to talk to you first, for some reason they think I’ll majorly screw up.”
James can’t help the snort that he lets out. God. How much he missed him.
“Did you miss us?” Barty takes a step in his direction.
James takes a step back, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He is terrified of what Barty’s presence means for him, “Did you kill all those people?” he feels obliged to ask.
Barty tilts his head to the side as he studies him. “I see how it is. Guess Regulus was right, we had a bet and everything.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re too precious for this world James,” it doesn’t sound like a compliment coming from Barty’s lips, he sounds sad about it.
James shakes his head, he’s so filled with shame, “No, I’m a terrible person.”
“Because you shagged a few vampires? Who gives a fuck?”
Yeah, Barty is probably the last one he should talk to, Regulus would have sweet-talked James into doing whatever he wanted and Evan would have been so reasonable that he wouldn’t have been able to disagree. But Barty, the outcomes were unpredictable with him.
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because you hurt people and I can’t live with that.” James has been reciting it like a mantra in his head, hoping that one day he would believe in it.
Barty studies him for a long time with narrowed eyes until his expression changes and he smirks knowingly, “That’s what you keep telling yourself, isn’t it?” he steps closer. “To feel better about the fact that you still want us.”
“No.” James's voice shakes.
“Then prove it.” Barty pounces on him so fast James doesn’t even see him coming, suddenly his back is hitting a tree and Barty’s lips are on his.
It’s as much of a violent attack as a caress from a long-lost lover.
It’s everything James wanted and all he feared.
Because his feelings are still there, the distance only made his heart grow fonder. And yet it’s an instinct to fight it because he had made up his mind that he’d never be able to feel this again.
James pushes him and pulls him back in a matter of seconds, he’s not strong enough to make himself stop, not when he has Barty so firmly pressed against him. So he does the only thing he knows will keep him away.
James grabs the stake he always keeps hidden in himself and presses it in front of Barty’s heart, not strong enough to pierce his skin, just enough for him to feel the pressure.
Barty freezes, green eyes going wild. “I see you’ve been doing your homework.”
“Let me go,” James begs, his glasses fogging up from the tears that were welling up in his eyes.
“You don’t want that, sunshine.”
“I do,” he says strongly enough in hope that if he can't convince himself then the least he can do is make Barty believe in it.
“That’s too bad because I can’t.” Barty rests his forehead against James’s, his breath so close to his mouth he can almost taste him. “You’ll have to kill me.”
“Barty.” James protests weekly.
“Come on,” his eyes shine with a type of madness James hadn’t seen in him before. “Do it, I’ll make it easy for you.”
And then Barty snarls, his teeth growing pointed and his eyes glowing red. “Is this what you wanted to see?” He asks savagely. “Is this the monster I needed to become in your eyes so that you could end me?”
James's breathing gets even more shallow. Barty has never been more wrong, he doesn’t have the appearance of a monster. This is how he was always meant to look like. Divine. Barty looks like an otherworldly being that James was born to worship.
“No, Barty—”
But he doesn’t give him time to continue, mumbling through his pointed teeth, “It will be you or me, sweetheart.” Then James feels an acute pain in his neck, a burning so strong spreading through his veins that his vision almost goes black.
James blinks disoriented, Barty’s hair is sticking to his glasses, his mouth firmly wrapped on the junction of his neck and shoulder. James feels the first pull of his mouth and then all the burning turns into pure ecstasy, his body going lax on Barty’s grip as all the tension he had been holding ever since he heard something in the forest leaves him. Barty’s groan reverberates over James's body making him shudder tremulously.
James never did drugs, but he imagines this is what it must feel like, he’s on cloud nine, his thoughts are sluggish, and he feels disconnected from his body, from the earth. James's consciousness is floating somewhere around them as he watches his body tremble in pleasure in Barty’s grip.
He has no idea for how long it goes on, but James can understand why people do drugs now, it’s like he’s on the edge of having an orgasm over and over again, except he never quite reaches it so he always wants more in hopes that he’ll finally fall over the edge.
Barty has one hand on his hair and the other on his hips trying to keep him in place, James is unconsciously rolling his hips against him, moaning his name so desperately as he clutches Barty’s hair like his life depends on it. Maybe it does.
“You'll have to stop me, sunshine,” Barty murmurs against his neck.
James feels like he is crashing, his body shaking in withdrawals from being so abruptly left without its permanent pleasure. And yet he knows on some level that this is a warning, that he ought to listen to it if he plans on surviving.
“I won’t be satisfied until I drink every drop of your blood.” James's heart skipped a bit, his lips were dry and he’s so thirsty, all his strength had been sucked out of him. “Is that monstrous enough for you?”
Barty doesn’t wait for his answer, teeth connecting with James's neck again.
He feels so weak, his grip slackening on the stake he still held against Barty’s chest, James is about to drop it when a hand envelops against his own, urging him to press it against his heart. Barty. He’s showing James how to end it. How to make him stop. How to survive.
In his subconscious James knows that this has been going on for too long, that if he lets him keep going he will die.
He also knows that Barty won’t fight him, that he might even help him pierce his heart with the weapon if it means James gets to survive. And yet he would rather die than ever hurting Barty than ever harming any of them. James drops the stake. If he’s the one who gets to make the choice, he will choose each one of them before ever thinking about himself.
His existence before them was boring, nearing on depressing, and he couldn’t live without Evan, Barty and Regulus now that he got a taste of what he could have. So James decides he isn't going to live at all.
When he feels his vision getting dark and his consciousness slipping the only regret he has is never saying goodbye to Sirius. But he knows they’ll meet again in another life, soulmates have the tendency to always find each other again.
***
James opens his eyes to a blurry world. Why would his vision still be crap if he’s dead? Surely he’ll be able to see without glasses in heaven where everything is supposed to be perfect. The pain is what makes him realise he’s alive. It’s everywhere, he feels like he’s been driven over by a truck over and over again.
It takes him a while to recognize that he’s in a bathtub, there’s scalding water around him that relaxes his muscles, and strong arms around him as he’s leaning against someone’s chest.
He would recognize those tattooed arms anywhere. Evan. He has a soft spot for baths and cuddling on them, James is the only one who would join him.
Okay, he usually wakes up on them after several orgasms but he is always more than willing. Barty used to say baths were too gay for him and Regulus refused to lay on a body of water full of his own dirt.
“Ev,” James murmurs hoarsely.
He can feel Evan standing at attention on his back. “Sweetheart, you’re awake,” his voice is full of relief. “Here, take some water.” He gives him a glass that is beside the tub, James drinks it desperately, he had no idea how thirsty he was until he got a sip.
“How are you feeling?” Evan wraps his arms protectively around him.
James evades the question, he doesn’t know how to feel, and his head is so heavy on his shoulders. “How long was I out for?”
“A week, give or take. We replenished your blood in Wales, but you still wouldn’t wake up so we brought you home.” Evan starts passing a cloth through his limbs, massaging his arms and shoulders as he goes.
“Thanks,” James murmurs drowsily, head falling on his chest again, he feels so tired.
“No need, I should be apologising actually.”
“Why?”
“I shouldn’t have let Barty go after you by himself.” Evan's voice is full of regret.
“I don’t blame you,” James whispers.
Evan exhales in relief against his back, his breath against James's skin spreads goosebumps all over his body, “Do you blame him?”
A crash on the other side of the door startles him. “What was that?”
Evan sighs. “Reg. He’s pissed at Barty for almost killing you, they’ve been at each other’s throats ever since you didn’t wake up.”
“Was that what he was trying to do? Kill me?” James had never considered it, the entire time it felt more like Barty was trying to get James to kill him.
“I don’t think so,” Evan admits.
“Do you know why he did it?” Barty doesn’t seem like the self-destructive type, that’s more Regulus league, Barty likes destroying everything around him.
“I have a theory, but you should hear it from him if you still want to see him of course.”
“I always want to see him,” James admits.
“I can relate to that.” Evan rests his head on James's shoulder. “Even when he does stupid shit like this.”
They hear another crash and the sound of something breaking. “Cunt.” he’s pretty sure Barty is the one yelling.
Evan tenses against his back.
“You greedy bastard, if he doesn’t make it…” And then another crash.
“He held a stake to my heart, he could’ve bloody stopped me.”
“I wish he did, you selfish…” Another glass shattering. James hopes it isn’t anything of value, but considering the price of the things in their apartment it probably is.
“Shouldn’t you go break them up?” He asks worriedly.
“Nah, they can figure themselves out, they have fights like this almost every century, I’m used to it.”
That makes him wonder, “How old are you?”
Evan’s body shakes behind him as he chuckles. “We’ll talk about it later, but the three of us have been together for more than five centuries so that should give you an idea.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Not quite.”
Now it sounds like they resorted to punching each other.
“Maybe we should stop them,” James says worriedly.
Evan brings him back to his chest. “Relax, they can take it, besides they’ll be insufferable until they shag it out.”
“What?”
“That’s usually how their fights end.”
“That’s not really healthy,” he feels the need to point out.
“That’s why we’re here, to balance them out.”
James decides not to mention that they weren’t doing anything to help in this case, something else catching his attention. “We’re the healthy ones?”
“Yep.”
“Then we’re all screwed.”
Evan laughs as he hugs him tighter. “I have a feeling we’ll be alright.”
James is so relaxed in Evan’s arms that he drifts off in a matter of seconds. Waking up in their bed this time, all three of them sitting around him.
“Hello, love.” Regulus's face is the first thing he sees, grey eyes staring at him in wonder.
“Hey,” James says crookedly.
“Here, drink this.” Evan gives him a bottle.
James soon realised it isn’t water, it tastes awful. “What is this?”
“A homemade serum to make you better.”
“Drink up,” Regulus orders.
So James does, grimacing the entire time but he manages to swallow every drop. It is only when he looks up that he notices Evan and Regulus are looking pointedly at Barty, who looks like a little child who has just been scolded. It takes an elbow from Regulus to get him to start talking. “I’m sorry,” the words could barely pass his lips.
James frowns. “For what?”
“Almost killing you.”
“Were you trying to kill me?”
“Of course not.”
James had a feeling he wasn’t, but it is good to hear, “Then what the fuck was that?” he asks without real heat to it. He isn't mad that he has almost died, the only part of it that bothers him is Barty being so willing to throw his life away.
“I was trying to figure out if you still cared, you could’ve killed me anytime and yet you let me almost drain you of blood without lifting a finger.” Barty reasons.
“I would never hurt you,” James whispers.
Barty's eyes are vulnerable, “Then why did you get the stake?”
“I thought it would scare you away.”
Evan chokes on a laugh, when they look at him he tries to hide it with his hands. “I’m sorry,” he laughs again. “It’s just that Barty is more likely to run towards death than away from it. Why do you think I keep him glued to my side? Would’ve been dead centuries ago if not.”
Regulus laughs too. “That’s true.”
Barty fake gasps. “Lies and slander.”
“You almost let me kill you for a bloody test?” James asks incredulously.
“What can I say? I’m committed.”
“You’re a bloody idiot.”
“And you would’ve rather die than be without me, what does that say about you?”
“That I’m an even bigger idiot,” James admits fondly.
Barty smiles softly, approaching him slowly to give James time to lean away if he wishes to. He doesn’t. Barty kisses him gently, merely a peck of their lips, but it warms James's heart. The painful hole in his chest is slowly starting to fill back the longer he spends in their presence, the longer he feels their love.
“I have some questions,” he admits as Regulus grabs his other hand, the one Barty isn’t holding, they are each sitting on one side of him now, with Evan in front of him.
“Ask away.” Evan nods.
“How long have you guys known each other? Actually, how old are you?”
It is Regulus who answers, “Well I’m around seven hundred years old. I met them at a low point in my life, but Barty,” he rolled his eyes. “completely enchanted me as soon as we met. No idea why.”
“Oi!”
“At that time they couldn’t be out in public but he was already dating Evan. So I wasn’t going to intervene in their love, not when I knew I wouldn’t have much time with him, soon he would realise I didn’t get old, so I settled for befriending him.” Regulus' voice goes out the longer he speaks, losing the joking tone he had before, so Barty continues, pretending he hadn’t noticed the way Regulus keeps on messing with his rings, a clear sign he is distressed.
“But I got sick, it was different times and medicine wasn’t nearly as advanced as it is today, I would’ve died if Reg hadn’t transformed me." Barty winks at him. "He took me out of town, got me up to speed with everything and told me I couldn’t see anyone from the town ever again because they all thought I was dead. I didn’t really give a fuck about anyone there but I couldn’t leave without Evan, so I went back in the middle of the night and told him everything. I asked if he wanted to join us and he said yes so I transformed him too. Reg was furious of course, he probably thought he’d finally have me for himself and we’d gallivant out together for eternity-”
“That’s not why I was furious.”
“Uhum,” Barty mumbles comically.
“Oh shut it, my family didn’t allow us to go around changing people at random, they had a whole system, people had to earn it by basically being their servants. Otherwise, my brother might have saved every poor soul he encountered,” for some reason that makes Regulus pause again.
“So we travelled together, Regulus taught us how to be vampires. And no matter how much Evan brags about being the observant one it took him almost thirty years to realise Reg loved me and that’s why he hated him.”
“I didn’t hate him.”
“So they got close by their shared love of yours truly.” Barty points at himself with a flourish.
“For fucks sake.”
“Regulus started sleeping with anyone that appeared in front of him, and obviously I got jealous. How dare he not pine after me for eternity? So I might’ve murdered a few people.” Barty says it like it wasn’t anything important.
James sucks in a breath, there it is, the confirmation that they weren’t the anti-killing humans type of vampires. But did James ever really believe otherwise? Considering the way Barty was, even if he wasn’t a vampire James thought he was more than likely to be prone to murder.
“Evan realised I had feelings for Regulus too, it was… an adjustment. He's not really the jealous type, but he doesn’t really like sharing either, so it took years and after a lot of fighting we finally managed to reach a place where we were all happy together." Barty explains. "But after four hundred years with the same person one tends to get bored so Reg started seeing other people, I admit I wasn’t totally okay with it at the beginning, and might have also killed a few of them who got a little too close to him, but we soon realised I didn’t get jealous if we were all together so Reg started bringing them to us, of course, a few ended up dead anyway but that’s not important, what matter is that-”
“Can you stop talking about all the people you murdered?” James practically begs, he could deceive himself into thinking that he wasn’t a horrible person for loving Barty when he didn’t keep bringing it up.
Barty looks at him with something close to pity. “James, you’re not to blame for the things we do.”
“I know that, but why would you go around killing people?”
“We need to feed.”
“But you don’t need to kill them for that.
“Of course not, I just kill them when they annoy me.”
“You’re not making it better.” Evan shoves him. “Don’t listen to him, considering how old we are, we haven't killed nearly as many people as he makes it sound, he’s just a jealous bastard.”
“It’s not my fault you’re all self-confident, secure and shit. Some of us were never loved by our parents, all right?”
“Barty, I've told you I loved you every day for three hundred years. If you're still insecure when somebody even looks at one of us then the problem is you.” Evan deadpans.
“I’m not insecure,” Barty says with indignation. “I’m very much secure all right, I’m an awesome lay, I know it, everybody here knows it. My problem is with filthy little bitches who think they can stare at my men.”
“Jesus Christ.” James hollers with laughter. He’d missed them and their idiotic remarks so much that it hurt.
“I think you broke him,” Regulus jokes. “Why don’t we change the subject?”
“It’s your turn now James,” Evan says.
“Turn to what?”
“Tell us what you were thinking, why you ran away.”
“Please, it’s pretty obvious, anyone would run as far as possible when they realised their bloody boyfriends were sucking people's blood.”
James figures this is probably the best time to tell them the truth, they had opened up to him and now it felt like the least he could do was reciprocate. “I already knew you guys were vampires,” he admits, looking away as he tries not to see their reactions.
“You did?” Barty asks in confusion. “Is that how you knew about the wooden stake?”
“Yeah, ever since I first saw you… I-” James has no idea how to explain this properly to them.
Turns out he doesn’t need to, a light seems to dawn on Evan’s eyes the longer it takes him to explain. “He’s a hunter,” he interrupts him.
James looks up in shock. How could he possibly know that? Evan’s expression doesn’t betray anything.
Barty snorts. “Yeah, right, not likely, a hunter would never-”
“Barty,” Regulus says gravely.
“Come on, Reg, even you must see how absurd this sounds, there’s no way he’s a hunter. He could barely hold that stake and stab me.”
“I’m sorry,” James says with desolation.
Barty finally stops, staring at him with betrayal all over his face. “No.”
“Explain,” Regulus demands, his expression going cold.
“I’m not a proper hunter or anything,” he reassures them, it doesn’t seem like they look that relieved from hearing it. “I’ve killed a few vampires who tried to drink from me, but-”
“For fucks sake, I can’t believe this.” Barty stands up, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
“Were you there to kill me when we met?” Regulus asks his tone very far from the sweet drawl he usually uses. James realises that this must be the Regulus the world knows, the cold facade he presents, not the soft and adoring vampire he has the privilege of knowing.
“It was the plan, I mean I was there to find vampires…”
Barty curses and Evan stands up and whispers something to him.
“How did that even start?” Regulus frowns. "There are families of hunters and I know the Potters aren't one of them."
“My best friend from college is a vampire, he ran away from his family because they were horrible so he kinda grew to hate what he is and all vampires as a consequence. He trained me so that I could protect myself, and taught me how to identify vampires so that I wouldn’t be in danger." James messes up his hair nervously. "And one day when I was on a date with a girl she tried to bite me, by that time I already took a stake with me everywhere I went so I killed her. I was in shock, but he helped me hide the body and everything, when I realised that vampires lured humans with sex to drink their blood I started luring them back. Kind of a quid pro quo situation. Sure he always encouraged me to kill them because he said they were all awful bloodsuckers, but I knew all vampires couldn’t be all that bad because Sirius is amazing, he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met I never cared about what he was-”
“Sirius?” James doesn't even realise Regulus has grown even more pale beside him, he looks like he might be sick.
“Yeah? My best friend.”
“Your best friend who is a vampire is called Sirius?” Evan asks in shock.
“Yeah?”
Regulus is out of the room in a second, Barty immediately following him.
“What is going on?”
Evan takes some time to answer. “Sirius is his brother, you can see why that would be a shock.”
Holy shit. James is also in shock, and yet it makes so much sense when he stops to think about it they kind of look like each other. The same dark hair, striking grey eyes, sharp jawlines and aristocratic nose. Except Regulus's mouth is fuller, his eyes are greyer than Sirius's - his eyes tend to look blue depending on the lighting - Regulus's hair is curlier and he never keeps it as long as his brothers'.
Jesus. Brothers. Sirius is going to kill him. Fuck. Sirius. He has no idea where James is, he had just vanished in the woods for a week after spending a month depressed with him. Sirius has probably already called Interpol.
“I need to call Sirius,” James says.
“I have no idea where your phone is,” Evan admits.
“I know his number, just give me yours.” James knew Sirius's number by heart ever since he got stranded without a phone in the middle of a party where he had jumped in the pool with his in his pocket, drunk out of his mind he had no idea how to get back to their dorm. But James swore he’d never forget Sirius number after sleeping on the cold floor by the pool. He knew that if he ought to know someone's number, it had to be his, Sirius always got his back.
“I think we should talk about this.”
“He probably thinks I’m missing, I was at his boyfriend’s place and then I was gone for a week, there’s no way he isn’t freaking out.”
“Well, he waited for a week, I’m sure he can wait a few more hours.”
“Evan.” James insists impatiently.
“James," Evan answers in a dry tone. "Reg and Barty will be back here in any minute, we need to have this out.”
“Fine, but you’ll have to protect me when he tries to murder me,” James grumbles.
Evan is amused. “He’s more likely to try to kill Barty than any of us, they don’t really get along.”
“Why not?” James frowns.
“Eh, hate to say this, but they have the same tendency to overreact and are both protective of Reg, Sirius hated that Barty didn’t return his brother's feelings for years and couldn’t understand why Reg liked him, he was even more pissed when we all got together, he said Reg was settling because he couldn’t have the real thing. I don’t think he ever understood that we all loved each other.”
“Do they not talk anymore?” James asks carefully. “I’ve known Sirius for a long time and he never mentioned a bother.”
“Nope, they left their family together a few years ago, but Sirius couldn’t accept that we didn’t want to drink from animals as he did. We tried to compromise, saying we wouldn’t kill any humans if he didn’t want us to, but I guess he was in a pretty self-loathing period. He had just killed someone for the first time since they left their parents, so Sirius spiralled and left, he didn’t trust himself to be around it. The fucked up thing is that we actually tried drinking from animals, but Reg just felt too sorry for them, he couldn’t make himself drink from a deer or god forbid a rabbit. He’s got a soft heart, kinda like you.”
James couldn’t see himself hurting any animals either, but he could see why Sirius would rather if he had just passed through a traumatic event involving a dead human.
It doesn’t take long for them to come back, Regulus' eyes are a little red, a few drops of dried blood remaining on his cheek as he sits by James's side again.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Regulus says in a weak voice.
“I’m sorry, love.”
“Me too.”
“I would’ve never been able to kill you that first night," James admits, "from the moment I first saw you, you already had too much power over me.”
Regulus studies him for a long time, his expression becoming softer the longer it takes, until finally he says, “I believe you.”
James can’t help the relieved sight he lets out, letting his forehead rest against Reg's, just bathing in his presence.
“That doesn’t mean we’ve forgiven you for lying to us,” Barty grumbles with his arms crossed.
“You’re one to talk. We lied to him too, dumbass.” Evan elbows him. “And you tried to kill him.”
“Fine.” Barty doesn’t take any more time pretending to be mad, he just throws himself on top of where Regulus and James are cuddling. “But I invoke staying in the middle rights.”
Evan rolls his eyes as he climbs into bed with them, “As long as you cuddle with us and don’t try to start anything else I think we’ll be good.”
“Oh, come on,” Barty grumbles.
“Barty everyone knows you can only be the little spoon for a minute before you’re rubbing your arse all over my dick.”
“Fine, I’ll stay away from you, I’m sure James missed me,” he suddenly sits up, expression grave as if something has just occurred to him. “In fact, that’s something else we should talk about, did you fuck anyone else on your little adventure? Because I want names and addresses.”
James can’t help his laughter. As if he could ever want anyone else after being with them.
“As if I’d ever give you more murder fuses.”
“You better start talking or…”
“Barty.” Evan and Regulus chastise him at the same time.
“I wasn’t with anyone,” James reassures him. “But we’ll be talking about the whole murder thing in the future.”
“You do realise that you killed a lot of innocent vampires too right? Most of them were probably not even going to kill you.”
“I…” James looks away, he knows Barty has a point, but it only makes him feel worse. “I know that now, but at the time the only good vampire I knew didn’t drink from humans at all.”
“It’s not like you’re giving him a good example anyway.” Regulus quips.
“We should probably talk about this another time.”
“Whatever you want sweetheart.” Evan lies behind him.
“I’m just so tired.” James yawns, the exhaustion settling on his limbs after so much time without proper nutrients.
“So sleep, my love. We’ll be here when you wake up.”
James settles himself deeper into their embrace, his head on Barty’s chest, his forehead almost touching Regulus's head, with Evan hugging him from behind, his arm resting heavily on Barty’s stomach. They were all connected in one way or another. James has never felt more at peace.
***
It takes very long reassurances that James is indeed alright and Sirius insisting he wouldn’t believe it until he sees him in person and then finally meeting up for Sirius to relax in his embrace and not allow him to let go for almost thirty minutes. It’s not like James is complaining, he’s glad that he gets to hug Sirius again when just a few weeks ago he thought he’d never get the opportunity again in this lifetime. So he holds him just as closely, inhaling his scent deeply. God, he has missed him.
When they finally get seated, James realises that if he doesn’t go for it he’ll probably never talk about it. “I have something to tell you,” he admits with apprehension.
“You do. And you better include everything that happened that made you go AWOL for a week with no concerns about whether your best friend was having a heart attack after not hearing from you,” Sirius says primly as he crosses his legs.
“I’m not killing vampires anymore,” James admits.
“Okay?”
“Do you... not care?” he frowns.
“James, babe. This was never about me, I thought you were trying to free the world of evil, you do have a bit of a hero complex.”
“All vampires aren’t evil, Sirius.”
Sirius rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’ve heard the speech a billion times, I know-”
“No. I don’t mean just you.”
“Oh,” that surprises him.
“You remember the vampire we talked about? The one I shagged.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’m in love.”
“James.” Sirius' tone isn’t nearly as disappointed as James thought it was going to be.
“Sirius,” he says hopefully.
His friend smiles. “Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have been as cool with this if I hadn't had some revelations on this trip.”
“What revelations?” James would do anything to stall this particular conversation.
“Turns out Remus is a werewolf. Who am I to judge your choice of partners right?"
James chokes on his drink. “He’s what?”
“A werewolf. Grrr.” Sirius snarls comically, raising his hands and showing his painted nails in what he thought was supposed to look like a paw with claws. “Full on transforming into a wolf every full moon, yes that type of werewolf.”
“What the fuck?” James is in shock, Remus seems so normal. “Is there any other type of werewolf though?”
“No idea, I always thought they were tales Mother told us so we’d behave.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. ”
“So did you tell him about your fangs situation?”
“Yep, he was totally cool with it, he thought he was a freak you know, an anomaly, I guess finding out I’m also a beast helped.”
“You’re not beasts, Sirius.”
Sirius dismisses him with a flourish. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten the topic here, go on.”
James takes a deep breath. “So you won’t be mad if I say that-”
“Just spit it out, James. I’m tired of secrets at this point.”
“So this person I’m seeing, they are from your family.”
“What?” Sirius' eyes get comically wide. “Please tell me it’s not Bella, I know you like them crazy, but that’s too far even for you.”
“No idea who Bella is,” James assures him.
“Is it Cissa? She’s pretty and sharp, a little mean just like you like ’em,” he changes his mind in a matter of seconds. “Nope, last I heard she was with Malfoy.” And then Sirius freezes, his mouth falling open in shock. “Oh, no. Tell me you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Please tell me you’re not shagging my baby brother.”
“About that…”
“James.”
“Come on, you know he’s exactly my type, how could you never tell me you had a hot brother? That’s like the worst betrayal.”
“Hello,” Sirius exclaims offendedly. “I’m the hot brother.”
James raises his eyebrows sceptically.
“But wait, there’s no way he left Crouch and Rosier for you, those three are so tight it’s like they’re only one person.”
“Erm, about that.”
“James. Tell me you’re not shagging all three of them.”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Motherfucker. Barty is legit insane, oh my god, is that why you’re into him? Ew. And I bet you had fun trying to make Evan like you, the bastard doesn’t warm up to anyone. I lived with him for three hundred years and he still refused to tell me good morning. Grumpy fucker.”
“Well, I think they’re lovely.” James smiles just from thinking about it.
“Of course you do.” Sirius scoffs. “Only you could.”
“Well, you know me. What was it that mom used to say?” He grins cheekily. “I’ve got a big heart. There’s always space for one more,” he winks at him.
“Ew. Never say that to me ever again.”
James shrugs, relieved that Sirius hadn’t blown up on him.
“How did that even happen?”
“I already told you, Reg didn’t try to kill me the first night, so-”
“Right. Yeah, I already have too many details,” he twists his face in disgust. “I must be paying for all my sins right now.”
“Sirius.”
“I’m joking, kinda,” he pauses and gets that same thoughtful face Regulus had when he talked about his brother. A reminiscing and longing look. “Does he hate me?” his voice was small, all the energy had been drained out of him.
“He misses you. He hasn’t really talked to me about it, considering my involvement with you, but it’s very clear that he does.”
Sirius keeps looking at a point over his shoulder, it doesn’t seem like he is truly seeing anything, too lost in his mind, James just wants to hug him, to know what he is thinking about so that he can comfort him. “Do you want to see him?” James asks tentatively.
Sirius' face snaps so fast that James can swear he would’ve broken his neck if he was a human, “Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him.” he admits.
“Oh, Sirius.” James laments.
“There isn’t anything that I would like more than seeing him, but what if he doesn’t want to see me, James?”
“He does, you guys might have to talk and mend some broken things, but he’s your brother, you can’t break that type of bond.”
Sirius nods, teary-eyed. “The least I can do is try.”
James smiles, excited that he will get the brothers together again, “That’s the spirit.” he claps Sirius in the back in encouragement.
***
It doesn’t take long for James to be better and for them to go back to their usual activities. Sirius and Regulus met up again, it’s a very teary and bloody scene that involved a lot of shouting and breaking things, as well as hugs and sweet words of affirmation.
James might have teared up a bit when it happened but so did Evan, so he wasn’t too embarrassed by it. Barty pretended not to be affected, but everyone could see how glad he was for the brothers, for the weight that was starting to lift from Regulus' shoulders.
They are just starting to get back to their usual routines when Evan suddenly asks. “You know what’s been on my mind?”
“If you can fit your fist in my-”
“No.” Evan glares at Barty, turning to James as if nothing was amiss. “Why did you run from us if you knew what we were? It’s not like you didn’t know we were drinking blood from people.”
James messes up his hair. “I was in shock I guess, I kept trying to forget what you guys were when I was away from you and when we were together everything was so good that I just didn’t feel bad about it and it’s not like you guys ever tried drinking from me, but witnessing it… it forced me back into reality.”
“We would never drink from you without your consent,” Regulus reassures him, grabbing his hand as he shoots Barty a nasty look.
“We’ve been over this, I’m sorry for that. I was a little out of my mind when you left me and when I saw the stake I just needed to make sure that you still cared.”
“I’ll always care, I promise.” James holds out his other hand for him. “I actually kinda liked it,” he admits sheepishly.
Barty laughs, his eyes lighting up in delight, James can see the other’s smiles growing in excitement, the air filling with sexual tension with a dangerous flair to it. Goosebumps ripple through James's skin in anticipation. “We can work with that.” Barty’s voice is syrupy.
“Do you guys also drink from each other while you’re shagging?” James asks, after all, he’s merely one human and there’s only so much blood he can give to them without dying first. Not that he wouldn't willingly offer every single drop if any of them merely asked.
“Well, a few vamps consider it cannibalism to drink from each other as it doesn’t help with our thirst for blood,” Regulus explains.
“But,” Barty interrupts excitedly. “It’s hot as fuck, so we like it, our fangs have a venom that releases dopamine and it causes extreme pleasure, as I’m sure you’ve experienced,” he winks at him and James's heart skips a beat. “Evan likes to drink from my inner thigh, there’s a lovely artery there.”
“But we would only drink from small veins, we don’t want a repeat of last time.” Regulus glares at him.
Barty kisses him, forcefully shutting him up while biting Regulus's bottom lip and sucking it into his own mouth slowly, “Don’t be a mood killer, Reg.” Barty's voice sounds rough. It sends goosebumps all over James's skin.
He is so enraptured in the scene in front of him that he doesn’t even notice that Evan is crawling in his direction from the foot of the bed until he hears his voice. “And Barty likes to bite my nipples, it’s even sexier.”
James's breath catches in his throat, and he finally looks at Regulus who is staring back at him expectantly, it only takes one arch of his eyebrows for James to melt and grab his face so that he can kiss him too. They take that as the confirmation that it is and Barty immediately goes to his chest while Evan caresses and squeezes his thick thighs with appreciation.
“So do we have your permission to bite you?” Evan asks, kissing trails from his knees to his hip.
James nods deliriously, his head is spinning, they haven’t even begun yet and he’s already feeling overstimulated. They are teasing him, taking things slowly and it only makes him hotter, the anticipation making him squirm and reach the point where he would gladly beg them. “Yes, please.”
James earns three wicked smiles full of sharp fangs and red eyes. He must have died that day and reached heaven because this is all he’s ever dreamed of.
***
It takes a few months for James to get used to living with vampires, even though they only drink the necessary amount from people, the feeling of jealousy when he sees them feeding is still there. But it’s not like he can feed all three of them enough to sustain them, no matter how much he wishes to.
It only means he supervises all their feedings, at the beginning they thought it was because he wanted to make sure they didn’t hurt anyone. But when James started going around moving their hands out of people’s waists or demanding that they only drink from their wrists so that things wouldn’t get as intimate as they would if they drank from their necks.
Barty clogged him immediately. “You’re jealous," his voice is full of wonder.
“No, I’m not.” James panics, answering far too quickly for it to come off as truthful.
“Is that what this has been about from the beginning? You were jealous of them?” he sounds so excited by the prospect that it makes James pause in his immediate denial.
He isn’t as embarrassed to admit it now as he would’ve been a few months ago, so what the hell? He doesn’t have anything to lose, James is more than confident in their relationship. “So what if it is?”
“Well, you could’ve said so five months back, more or less,” Evan suggests.
“And what would you have done? It’s not like it’s going to change anything." James answers stubbornly as he crosses his arms. "It's not like I have enough blood to feed all of you."
Regulus looks at him with concern. "Love, I know a lot of lore relates drinking blood with the equivalent of shagging for vampires, but this does nothing for us besides the feeling of eating a food you really enjoy."
"But you always get aroused when you drink from me."
Barty snorts. "I would be horny even if I wasn't drinking from you, believe me, it's not the blood that's making us want you."
James could understand that, and yet a small part of him still didn't like that they had to get so close to other people, that they were leaving marks on people that weren't him.
“You guys could always start drinking from blood bags.” Sirius supplies helpfully. “I’ve seen it on a TV show.”
“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” James turns to him with indignation.
“You never told me you had some weird blood kink,” his traitor friend shrugs.
“It’s not weird.” Regulus and Evan defend him at the same time as Barty says, "You're weird."
“Does sharing blood mean y’all heads are connected?” Sirius squints at them.
“Shut the fuck up.” Barty throws something at him that is caught so fast James doesn’t get to see what it is. Sirius smiles smugly back at him in victory.
And that is the end of James's jealousy streak. He could finally have the best of both worlds, his lovers drinking only from him while still keeping them satisfied and properly fed.
***
It takes a few years for James to get used to the idea of turning into a vampire, he likes being human, especially likes being able to feed them. But he hates the idea that he’ll grow old without his partners, that the years will pass and he’ll die while everyone he loves will live for eternity without him.
“I want you to turn me,” James says as soon as he enters the living room, three pairs of eyes leaving the TV to settle on him. Just like James likes it.
Regulus looks relieved. Evan is triumphant. And Barty is excited.
“Y’all own me a hundred bucks.”
“What?” James asks confused, he just prepared himself to say the most important thing in his entire life and that’s what he got.
“We had a running bet on how long it would take you to ask.” Regulus deadpans.
“Wow.” James has no idea why he is surprised, they bet on everything, he wonders if, after a few centuries, he would also always be looking for new forms of entertainment. “What were the bets?”
“I said you wouldn’t, I figured Barty would just bring it up before you were ready and we’d have to run after you all over again,” Regulus says.
Barty slaps the back of his head. “Rude. I said you’d do it in a year, we bet on it right after the whole blood thing.”
“And you’ve been a sore loser ever since, he was dropping hints the whole month before his year was over.” Evan quips.
James doesn’t remember that, Barty tends to act weird sometimes, it’s just his personality, he often goes on about things that James had never heard before, but he loves listening and trying to understand them. “I didn’t realise.”
“We know.”
“And Evan?”
“Five to six years give or take. And I was right, like always, you should get used to it.”
“You should also get used to his huge ego,” Barty says.
"And my huge cock."
“Are you sure you really want to deal with this forever? You can still back down.” Regulus jokes, but James knows he means it.
“Couldn’t let you do it alone, love.”
Regulus smiles, he looks so pleased. “So who’s doing it?”
“I call dibs.”
“You can’t call dibs, Barty.” Evan shakes his head, saying it almost at the same time as him. Sometimes it was like they read each other’s minds, it was kind of freaky and hot. Especially when they were having sex, Barty always moved in addition to Evan, only heightening the pleasure to all parts involved.
“Why the hell not?”
“You already almost drained him of blood once, one of us should get to do it this time.”
“Well, if we’re going to make things fair then you should do it, Evs.” Regulus interrupts them.
“Why?” Evan asks narrow-eyed, suspicious that he was surrendering without a fight.
“Because I turned Barty, Barty turned you and you have yet to turn one of us. So why not give you the pleasure?”
Evan looks touched, “Thanks, babe,” he pecks him on the lips softly.
“Does this mean we get to go back to feeding from humans when you turn?” Barty asks excitedly.
“I mean, I can’t see why not.” James shrugs.
“Finally, I couldn’t stand those cold blood bags anymore.”
James immediately feels guilty. “You never said anything.”
“We wouldn’t love. But I gotta agree with Barty on this one, fresh blood tastes so much better.” Regulus agrees.
“Wow, if Reg is agreeing with you, then it must be truly awful,” he jokes, earning himself a backhanded smack on his abs, Barty just likes any opportunity he gets to touch him. “I’m sorry you guys had to go through that, really I had no idea.”
“It’s all good, sweetheart,” Evan reassures him. “Besides, we’ll get to see you feeding for the first time and that ought to be entertaining.”
“Entertaining how?”
“Let’s just say it’s kinda messy.” Regulus supplies.
“Don’t worry, sunshine,” Barty reassures him. “I’ll be sure to lick every drop you spill, preferably out of your body.”
James beames, his whole body filling with anticipation. “So where are we doing this?” he couldn’t wait a second longer.
“Oh, it has to be somewhere special.” Barty immediately says. “We should do it in a clearing in the woods.”
“Why would we-”
“For the drama, you know, vampires, woods.”
"This isn't bloody Twilight." Evan shakes his head in exasperation.
Barty is about to talk back to him when James interrupts. “I don’t really care about the place or the time,” he admits. “As long as the four of us are all together then I’m good.”
They all smile at him, differently but all provide him with the same feeling of love and belonging.
“Good, because you’re stuck with us for eternity.” Regulus holds his hand.
“Always, babe.”
“Forever and ever.” Barty jokes, singing awfully out of tune.
“That sounds lovely,” he lets Regulus guide him to their bedroom, bringing Barty and Evan along with him. “Could’ve never dreamed of a better life.”
For the first time in his life, James can clearly see a future ahead that he doesn't dread, one that he is excited and looking forward to, full of new adventures that he will get to experience with the three men he loves.
Notes:
I had a lot of fun writing this, even though it feels kinda rushed cuz I had to try and fit it all in one chapter and I hate editing things this long as I’m sure you’ve noticed.
I hope one day I get the opportunity of writing this ship on a longer fic where I can properly develop each one of their relationships individually as well as with each other. But I might just do another prompt for the fest lol.
Anyway, let me know what you think :) thx for reading, you can talk to me on tumblr or twitter, send prompts if you'd like.
EDIT: So I might be working on another part/chapter ;)
Chapter 2
Summary:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Notes:
so this took a while heheh sorry for the wait, this kept getting bigger than I planned so I cut my outline in half to be able to publish it sooner, wish I had thought of this before so it wouldn't have taken this long, but well there's that lol fair warning I might only read this in a week to edit it cuz I can never do it right after finishing but I wanted to post today due to the date heheh
anyway be mindful of the new tags, they're there for a reason so buckle up, this will be a ride ;)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
James feels the aether in his mouth before he can see anything past the hunger, his vision only clearing after he takes long pulls with his mouth. He thinks he’s shaking his head while still having his teeth attached to someone’s neck, trying to get them to stop moving around while never stopping sucking into their vein, but he’s not sure.
The delicious liquid running through his mouth is so good it’s making him delirious, the ecstasy taking over the fire that had been running through his veins. He would do anything to keep drinking it, fight anyone who dared try to stop him.
James would kill anyone who got close enough. And yet he can feel another warm body by his side, pressing their tongues over his abs, going up his chest until it finally reaches his neck.
It feels so good he shudders, with half-lidded eyes, James can barely see anything in front of him, which makes all his other senses sharper. He can taste and feel everything around him in a way that has never happened before.
James is in heaven.
He’s sure of it, he remembers there was a hot mouth and sharp teeth against his neck, the pain that just increased the ecstasy that he felt before passing out. There is no other explanation as to why he woke up to even more pleasure and an increase in all of his senses.
When James finally manages to peel his eyes open, the first thing he notices is that he has perfect vision, he isn’t used to not having the entire world around him blurred when he isn’t wearing his glasses. It’s how he knows something is different with him, besides being overwhelmed about the strength of the smells around him. There is the rich and metallic taste of blood in the air that feels like the best thing James has ever smelled before, it overwhelms his senses, there is too much of it, it’s almost all he can feel.
Except he can catch different hints behind it, there’s a smell of leather and smoke, there is something familiar about it. James picks up on another scent there, one more flowery but just as sharp and at last there is the smell of rain and wood. It smells like home. James knows deep in his soul that it’s where he belongs.
His eyes are clear, but his mind isn't, his memories are a jumble of mixed moments and emotions. Above all else, he feels hunger.
The need to consume.
To satiate the burning feeling in his stomach.
James sinks his teeth in something soft again, closing his eyes in pleasure as soon as he starts sucking the delicious drink into his mouth, except his teeth feel weird and elongated, they hurt and don’t help when it comes to actually allowing the drink into his mouth making him waste a lot of it as it runs down over his chin and neck.
The warm liquid is being sucked off him by a tongue as vigorous and enthusiastic as James’s as he tries to swallow it all down, his stomach never stops grumbling no matter how much he drinks.
“James,” he hears someone calling his name. “You’ve got to stop.”
“Jamie,” a softer voice as he feels hands trying to pull him away. James doesn’t even take his mouth long enough to hiss at them, doing it without ever stopping sucking. He wants to go back to heaven.
“Barty, stop encouraging him,” someone demands.
James thinks he fights them, but he never opens his eyes, not when he’s so focused on not letting another drop escape as he shakes them off him. He only has one thing on his mind.
James' entire world revolves around the liquid flooding his mouth.
He drinks until there’s nothing left, despite the obstacles along his way and yet he feels no satisfaction, trying to pull more into his mouth, but nothing comes. His throat burns when he manages to mutter a whisper, “More.”
And then someone is pulling the body out of his embrace and another warm body is being put in front of him and he’s biting again, a new flow entering his mouth, James has to resist his urge to moan around it.
“You shouldn’t have given him the neck.”
“I can’t believe we’re letting him do this.”
“He’s gonna be miserable once the fog goes out.”
“Then let’s enjoy ourselves while we still can.”
“You’re taking advantage of the situation.”
A snort. “Don’t you remember that the only way to get you to stop going crazy over blood was when I seduced you with something else?”
“Oh, I’d forgotten about that.”
“Funny times.”
“I miss it.”
“Well, we get to recreate it again, so all hands on board.”
James is in a frenzy, someone is licking a trail over his chest while another mouth bites and sucks at the flesh of his inner thigh, making him squirm and hold the body on his arms even harder. He’s sure he’s never felt this good in his life. All James feels is pleasure, the burning being alleviated the longer he drinks and feels his body shivering in pure ecstasy.
When a mouth closes around his cock, he lets out a loud moan, blood dripping down his chin as he throws his head back, and then another mouth is on his. Forcefully holding his chin as they lick the blood, their tongues brushing against each other deliciously.
James shudders, another mouth biting on his nipples hard enough to draw blood, it burns when they suck on it, but then it’s an all-consuming pleasure and he feels like he stepped into another dimension as his hips instinctively thrust against the wet heat enveloping his cock.
With half-lidded eyes he can barely see as the person who had been kissing him directs his mouth to another neck pushing his face down until James is biting again, sucking the liquid into his mouth and down his throat. And then he’s been pushed harshly by the back of his neck and an incessant mouth is trying to pry his open, a hand around his cheeks squeezing harshly enough that it forces him to open up.
They’re kissing again, or sharing the goddess's liquid between their mouths, fighting over who gets to swallow it down. Groaning against each other’s mouths as they bite each other’s bottom lip until their blood is mixing with their victim’s, they suck each other’s blood brutally, desperate to taste it amongst all the other liquids being exchanged. When he manages to look down through half-lidded eyes, James can barely discern his hand wrapped around blond hair moving their head up and down on his dick, a full head of luscious dark curls trailing over his abs with their tongue and teeth until finally joining the other one, looking up at him through his eyelashes as he sucks his balls into his mouth.
Both working him to the point where he might collapse into the arms of the one who holds him at this point, there’s a set of sharp teeth against his neck then, biting and sucking as it shoves James's face against the person who he had been drinking from before, now he can recognize it as a women’s neck as he throws the brown hair over her shoulder and sinks his teeth again being immediately overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure he feels.
James tethers over the edge all of a sudden, there is no build-up to it, he’d been in a haze over all the different sensations and feelings running through his body. Coming harder than he’s ever done in his life, his body turns boneless as soon as the last drop of cum lands on pretty lips and high cheekbones.
Lucky for him the man with his mouth on James’ neck holds him through it, letting his body rest against the bed he had been holding himself against, his entire body finally relaxing. James barely sees them throwing the woman's lifeless body on the floor as the other three climbs on the bed and curl around him as he drifts off, his eyelids turning heavy and dropping, but not before recognition settles in his mind. Their names come to him in a jumble of memories. Barty. And the sound of strong winds hollowing around him along with the smell of burned flesh. Evan. And the lightning striking in the air, the smell of rain and fresh air. And at last. Regulus. Smelling like midnight and the sea.
Even when James knows nothing about the world he still had been right in his previous assessment. He is home.
***
James can hear voices around him, except this time he can discern them immediately, his whole body singing in relief the second he recognises them.
“Let’s get rid of the bodies and clean up before he wakes,” Evan suggests.
“You think he won’t remember?” Regulus asks hopefully.
“One would hope so,” Barty remarks.
“Isn’t that unfair? He deserves to know what happened.” Regulus points out.
“I’m not suggesting we lie to him, I just think he shouldn’t see the damage he caused,” Evan says.
“I’m suggesting we lie to him,” and then a smack.
“Let’s just clean up, one way or another we’ll have to.”
The voices are gone again and James's mind drifts off to a world with no sleep and no air, where they float around on a strange red liquid and breathe it as if it were air, consuming it as if it were food.
James's upper body springs out of the bed as he takes a huge gulp of air, his arms moving around as if trying to touch it, to feel if it is real and he is finally alive again.
“Woah, woah, woah. Easy there, tiger.” Evan pushes him gently back into the bed. “You just got back to the world of the living, let’s not make any harsh movements.”
“Ev,” his voice comes out huskier than he expected.
If James thought Evan looked good before, it is nothing compared to what he can finally see now. His skin shines from the sunlight coming out of the window, the pale shade of his hair contrasting so perfectly with his brown skin and the smell. Oh, the smell is divine. Like running outside in the field without any shoes on. It’s freeing.
“I’m glad you’re back, sweetheart.” Evan gives him a bottle of water, helping him sit up before putting it in his mouth.
“I’m not an invalid,” James says as soon as he’s had enough.
“I know you’re not.”
“Then what’s up with all the fretting?”
“I like taking care of you,” Evan admits.
James smiles, but as soon as his teeth show they brush against his own lips making a small cut and making him wince.
Evan chuckles. “You’ll get used to it, learn how to retract them.”
He grumbles something unintelligible.
“You’re lucky Barty didn’t see that, he’d make fun of you for an eternity.”
It makes James want to cry. He has an eternity with them now. Nothing stopping them from being together forever.
“Drink some more, it will help make them retract if there’s no blood in your mouth.”
So James opens his mouth and allows Evan to pour the drink into it until his taste buds are clean of blood and his teeth finally go back inside his gums with a wince, he massages his jaw to alleviate the pain.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better now,” he admits. “Where are the others?”
“Taking care of something.” Evan dismisses it with a hand. “Nothing important.”
“Oh, will they be long?”
“Not really, they’ve been gone for a while so I think they’ll be back soon.”
“Good.” James smiles pulling the covers to his neck and settling his back deeper on the bed. “Will you lay with me?”
Evan wastes no time joining him, James presses his nose against his neck and hums against it. Bathing on the smell of Evan everywhere around him, there’s a lingering taste of Barty and Regulus somewhere on the bed, but James can’t focus on it when he’s overwhelmed by the presence at his side.
When Barty and Regulus finally get home he’s almost drifting off but springs up on the bed as soon as he hears the door opening. This is new, hearing things that are happening on the other side of the apartment, but he can see its advantages and is sure that he’ll get used to it in no time.
“You’re awake,” Regulus says as soon as he sees the two of them sitting in bed waiting for them.
It’s like James is seeing them for the first time all over again, except now he has the advantage of having a better vision and noticing every single detail on their faces, he wants to study them, trail his fingers, lips and teeth all over and get reacquainted with their bodies.
“Hello, love.” James manages to let out, even though his voice sounds choked out, for some reason he’s emotional over seeing them as they truly are for the first time.
“Hey, sunshine.” Barty’s voice is huskier than he remembers, it sends shivers all over his body.
“Where were you?”
“Nowhere important,” Barty assures him.
“Well, it was important enough for you to leave me here after my transformation.”
Regulus approaches him carefully and kisses James forehead affectionately, it fills his heart with warmth, but it’s not nearly enough to satisfy him, so he tilts his head up to brush their lips together before Regulus can try to step away from him. He tastes even better than James remembered, he can’t help but wonder what other things will taste different now that all his senses have been heightened.
“I missed you.”
“We missed you too.” Barty climbs the bed and shoves himself between Evan and James, putting his arms around both of them as he makes himself comfortable. “Don’t be selfish, Reg,” he complains when neither of them makes a move to break the kiss, only deepening it the longer they go at it. “Leave some for us.”
When Regulus steps away, James can’t stop the whining protest coming out of his lips, thankfully, Regulus comes back groaning against his insistent mouth, his hand closing around James's neck instinctively.
“Fuck, that’s hot.”
Evan is the one who snaps them out of it. “We need to talk.”
James pulls back and frowns at him. “About what?”
“You. How are you feeling? I assume you’ve already started noticing a few differences.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed, but you guys warned me about it all, the increase of all my senses and feelings. But I’ve been overwhelmed over how much I love you for a while, so it doesn’t feel that different, except Evan’s voice does sound deeper and Regulus is softer than what I thought,” he admits all at once.
“What about me?” Barty pouts by his side and James has to restrain his urge to bite his bottom lip and suck it in his mouth.
“Huskier.”
“Huum, sexy.” Barty winks at Regulus.
He rolls his eyes, but James can’t help but agree as he laughs along with Evan, there’s something about it that makes him want to jump his bones.
“Why don’t we test out your new reflexes?” Evan suggests.
“What do you have in mind?” James perks up, immediately interested, he’d been thinking about turning into a vampire for so long that now that he finally has it, he still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that he isn’t a normal human anymore.
“Come on, we’re going for a drive,” Barty says as they stand up from the bed, Regulus gives him his hand like a Victorian gentleman as if James needed it to get out of bed, but it doesn’t stop him from taking it and kissing the back of Regulus’ hand, earning himself a sweet smile and the pleasure of seeing his cheeks turning into a lovely pink.
“Where are we going?” James asks as they start changing.
“Epping forest.” Regulus is the one who answers. “It’s usually where Sirius goes to hunt when he can’t get out of town in time.”
“Oh. We’re not going to kill any animals are we?” James asks apprehensively, he’s gone to that forest before, it’s known for its deer and Bambi has always been one of his favourite movies. He makes a mental note to remind himself to ask Sirius if he ever hunts deer and if he did so to express his wish for him to start avoiding it.
They exchange a look between themselves that James doesn’t quite comprehend. It makes him uneasy, he thought their shared mental connection would start including him now that he’s become one of them.
James despises feeling out of any type of connection with the people he loves, he can only hope that in a few years, he’ll manage to be in the same place with them as they are with each other, otherwise, he doesn’t think he could bear it to always think like it was the three of them and him just a few inches apart, James aches to erase that space.
“Of course not.” Barty smiles at him reassuringly. “We like hurting animals just as much as you do.”
“Which is not at all.” Regulus makes sure to point out.
It makes Barty laugh. “It was implied.”
“Hum, one can never know when it comes to you.”
Barty mock gasps in offence. “Can’t believe you think I’d do something as cruel as that. It looks like something your brother would do, though.”
He’s already laughing as he runs from Regulus, when they used to move like this all James could see was a blur and then they were gone, but now he can see their forms moving perfectly as Barty keeps going around the counter, cackling loudly until Regulus gets tired of him and slams him into the fridge.
“Stop talking about my brother.”
Barty has an amused grin on his lips, his hair almost as much of a mess as James’s. “Oh, come on. You never cared what I said about him before.”
“That was before we made peace. We’re good now so you need to make an effort to get along with him.”
Barty scrunches his nose. “I’m never getting along with him.”
“I’m not asking you to, just try not to start another fight.”
“Fine,” Barty grumbles.
“I mean it. He was ready to kill you when he found out you bit James to an inch of his life.”
He snorts. “I’d like to see him try.”
“Since we’re talking about Sirius. James,” Evan turns to him with a raised eyebrow. “Did you tell him you were going to ask us to turn you?”
James feels his face getting warmer. Yeah, apparently a few things don’t go away just because you aren’t a human anymore. “Not really.” He scratches the back of his head. “I mean he knew I was considering it, but I knew he’d be able to talk me out of it or delay it even more if I kept going to him so I might have omitted it.”
Regulus's face turns even paler and Barty laughs in delight, probably anticipating the chaos that is sure to ensue, Evan closes his eyes and throws his head back for a moment as he tries to compose himself.
“It’s fine, we’ll just take Barty out of the room when he sees you.”
“Maybe you too.” Regulus points out. “You were the one who turned him, he might turn his anger out on you.”
“Yeah, perhaps it would be safer if it was just you two, he would never hurt Reggie.”
James doesn’t understand how they can talk about Sirius like this, his best friend is the best person — vampire, he corrects himself — he has ever known, he can’t associate the stories they tell about his best friend with the image he has of him. James knows objectively that they have known Sirius far longer than he does, but that doesn’t make it easier to accept that they know him better than he does, matter of fact James doesn’t believe that, he knows in his heart that no one gets Sirius quite like he does.
“He can’t blame any of you, it was my choice.” James makes sure to state. “It is my choice and I’ll always choose to be with you so he will get over it.”
Barty snorts. “It’s funny how much faith you have in him.”
He shuts up as soon as he sees the glare coming from Regulus and James.
“Sorry,” he raises his hands mockingly. “I forgot I was amongst the Sirius Black defence squad.”
Before they can start an argument James points out, “I should shower before we leave.”
“We cleaned you up,” Barty winks at him.
James looks down at his spotless clothes. “I can tell. But I’d feel better if I did it myself.”
“Do you want any company?” Regulus asks hopefully, however, Evan brings him to a halt by his collar.
“We don’t have the time for that.”
Regulus pouts so James presses their lips together lightly before going to the bathroom. The moment he strips and stares at himself in the mirror James realises nothing about his physical appearance has changed, but some of it has been heightened by his new vision. One of them is the colour of his eyes, which look lighter, more like honey now that it isn’t framed by his glasses, there’s also two teeth marks on his neck, one belonging to the time when Barty almost drained him of his blood and the other one from where Evan actually did.
There’s another one on his inner thigh belonging to Regulus, who loves nothing more than drinking from James’s thighs and two others by Barty and Evan, above each side of his hip bones. They hadn’t been particularly pleasurable considering there wasn’t a lot of meat to bite there, but James loved how the marks looked on his skin, so he always asked them to drink from there.
Now all he sees is that these bites on his body look like the map of their love for him, of every place where they worshipped him. James trails them with his fingertips, now he has a permanent mark of them engraved on his skin and the thought gives him shivers. He needs to stop thinking about it if he wants to step out of the shower quickly enough for it to still be light outside for them to go to the forest.
When he steps out of the shower with a towel around his hips and another drying his hair, Regulus trails the water drops running down his torso just as hungrily as James once did to him.
Barty’s smile is pure teeth. “Come closer and I’ll suck you dry.”
Evan laughs. “Put on a shirt will you?”
James doesn't mean to distract them, but he’s pleased he still manages to have this effect on them even after years of being together.
Unfortunately, nothing can come of it now, Evan is determined and pushes him to the door the moment he’s dressed appropriately. “Come on, we’ve delayed our plans enough.”
They don’t comment on it anymore after leaving the apartment, Evan steps behind the wheel and Regulus sits at his side, leaving the back for James and Barty. He closes the space between them as soon as they sit down, putting an arm around him and pulling James at the junction of his arm.
“How are you feeling? Truly?”
“I’m good, promise.”
Barty studies his features carefully. “You’ll tell me in case it changes, yeah? Tell us,” he corrects himself.
“Of course.” James frowns. “Why wouldn’t I tell you?”
Barty doesn’t say anything, he just looks away at the scenery they are passing through to get to the west end of the city. “No reason, just trying to make sure you properly adapt to becoming a vampire.”
James grabs his chin and makes him look at him. “I promise.” He pecks him on the lips sweetly. “It’s kinda cute how much you worry about me,” he teases. “Turns out it isn’t just Evan that’s a mother hen.”
“Fuck off.” Barty pushes his face away as James laughs, bringing him back to him to give him a proper apology kiss. Barty wastes no time putting his tongue inside James's mouth and his hand roughly pulling on his hair.
James climbs on his lap at some point, grinding on him as his lips descend to Barty’s throat, his fangs coming out as soon as he starts kissing and sucking on his neck.
James finally understands what they meant, he feels no hunger when he feels Barty’s vein pulsing against his lips, but for some reason, he wants to sink his teeth into his neck and suck him dry. To have the thing that gives Barty life running inside of his own veins, exchange the blood between them, to have him inside of James as he thrusts inside of him at the same time. Yeah, he can see the appeal of that.
“Oh.” Barty breathes out as soon as he sees the fangs coming out to play. “This is new,” he caresses James' cheek. “I like it.”
“Can I?” James can’t bring himself to say what he wants, but he’s pretty sure Barty got the picture.
“Whatever you want, sunshine,” he pulls James to him by the hair as he tilts his head to the side to give him permission. “I’m all yours, always.”
James wastes no time sinking his teeth into Barty’s throat. It’s only fair since they’ve been in this position on different sides way too many times. The moment the blood floods his mouth he can’t stop the moan coming from deep within his throat, Barty rewards him by squeezing his arse with one hand and caressing his thigh with the other, his hand going higher the longer James sucks the blood into his mouth, he’s not very good at it yet but he pays no mind to the blood running down his chin, too lost on the heavenly feel of having a part of Barty inside of him.
Just as he gets more frenzied and buries his face in Barty’s neck in an attempt to get closer, he pushes him out by the hair and licks his own blood out of James's neck, going up his jaw until he finally reaches his mouth.
The moment the sound of a belt buckle rings around them, Evan snaps sharply from the front. “Oi, no funny business over there, unless you want me to pull over and bend you over the car.”
“Sounds fun.” Barty groans, letting James’s bottom lip out of his mouth with a pop.
Evan laughs. “Not in the way you’d like, love. I’d paint your arse red.”
James can feel his face burning, for a second there he’d forgotten there were more people in the car with them, but now that he’s spatially aware of them, it only makes him hornier, to think about Evan’s eyes on them through the reviewing mirror as Barty holds his face down while James chokes on his cock. He can already see the way Regulus’s grey eyes will turn darker with desire and he’ll make that little whining sound he always lets out when he is about to hump them, to beg them for their cocks to fill him.
“He definitely deserves it.”
“You’re just jealous I’m the one who got to cum in the back with Jamie.”
Regulus twists his entire body to sneer at him. “You’re jealous I can suck Evan’s cock anytime I want from here,” he reiterates his claim by putting a hand alarmingly close to Evan’s crotch and squeezing his inner thigh.
Barty scoffs. “He wouldn’t let you give him road head.”
“Why not? We’re all vampires now, not like we could get hurt from an accident and he’s got great reflexes.”
James can see the moment Barty admits his defeat, his shoulders slumping and his bottom lip pushed out in an adorable pout. “Fine, we’re all going to behave in the car.”
“What a good boy you are.” Regulus mocks.
“Fuck off.” Barty turns to the window and crosses his arms when James climbs out of his lap, but he doesn’t go far, making sure to put his arms around him until Barty relaxes in his embrace, it always helps when getting him out of one of his moods.
All it takes is for Regulus to snog his face off as soon as they leave the car for Barty’s smile to come back to his face, he is easy to please like that and Evan and Regulus have centuries of experience dealing with it. James has been with them for five years now, by far his longest relationship, but he knows it felt like the blink of an eye for them.
Evan parks the furthest he can from everyone else, but it is fairly empty considering it isn’t the weekend and the weather isn’t the best to be out for a stroll in the forest. Of course, that isn't a problem for them, it’s weird for James to not feel cold or hot due to the temperature, the only thing that has made him feel hot has been blood and sex so far.
He is also thankful the sun isn’t out, the minimal light is already making his eyes too sensitive, the pros and the cons of having better eyesight, everything is heightened, including the ones you don’t wish to see. What he wants to see is on the other side of him where Regulus is pressing Barty against the car and kissing him like he depends on it to survive.
“All right.” Evan claps to get their attention, making Regulus finally step back. “We’re here to show James all that he’s capable of doing now and get him used to his new reflexes and strength,” he reminds them. “Wouldn’t want him to break one of Regulus’ precious vases.”
“Yeah, he almost snapped my neck when I broke one of his precious antiques,” Barty says.
Regulus scoffs. “You threw it at my head.”
“Because you were being a cunt over me biting James.”
Regulus laughs in disbelief. “Are you saying you don’t regret it?”
“If it means we’re here now, no I don’t.” he shrugs unapologetically. “I’d do anything to keep you with me,” his eyes narrow dangerously.
James thinks that perhaps he shouldn’t be as elated to hear that as he is, but to know that Barty loves them so much there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to keep them together makes him feel warm and happy. Loved.
When he sees that Regulus is about to retort James decides to step up, “It’s all good, love,” he placates him by putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing reassuringly. “It happened years ago and we’ve moved past it. Besides,” he turns to Barty. “That was hot as fuck.”
The wicked smile he receives makes his heart skip a beat, Barty wastes no time grabbing James’s face with both hands and kissing him just as fervorous as he did with Regulus before, like Barty is trying to breathe through his mouth, aiming to give him life.
He can hear Evan huffing in the background. “What did I just say? Fuck me.”
Barty pulls back just enough to murmur, “That can be arranged,” against James’s lips. It looks like he’s about to lean in again when Evan steps behind him and puts his arms around Barty’s neck in a sort of hug that looks more like a chokehold.
“Let’s go,” he starts walking them in the opposite direction to the trails people walk by.
James has envisioned this going rather differently, he thought they’d hold hands while walking around and admiring the scenery, like a romantic getaway even if Evan had said when they were by the car that they were there to teach him how to become a vampire. What he gets is a bunch of branches hitting him in the face. Sure he can see them coming in his direction after Barty deliberately lets them go after he passes by them, he just does it even faster than James can move. Even when he moves fast enough to sidestep it or hit it before it hits him, he still can’t control his strength causing the entire branch to fall off and sometimes to hit him on the way down.
Evan only stops when they’re so far into the woods James would get lost in seconds if they left him alone in there.
“I think we’re far enough.” They form a circle in what feels like a random patch of woods, no more special than any of the others, but just as beautiful as everything else around him, especially now that he could see every detail of the flowers and plants around him, James feels like he has just stepped into a fantasy movie. “Why don’t you take Barty for a little stroll, Reg?”
“I’m not a bloody dog,” he frowns and crosses his arms, faking offence.
“You have the patience of one.” Regulus teases. “Come on, we all know you want to chase me around.”
Barty’s eyes darken as he notices the change in Regulus' voice from teasing to seductive. “What do I get when I find you?”
“Whatever you want,” his smile is so deceivingly sweet it makes James want to chase him too, Regulus winks and then he is out in the blink of an eye.
Barty wastes no time running after him, leaving only the speck of dirt he raised and the feel of the wind on James' side from how fast he moved.
“Can I expect to be moving like that once we’re done here?”
Evan smiles at him. “It’ll take a few years, but I’m confident we’ll make good progress today. Enough for you to be able to defend yourself, at least.”
James frowns. “Are there any grave dangers I should be worried about?”
“We do tend to run into a hunter family once or twice a century, but it’s nothing for you to worry about,” Evan assures him. “It's not like we’d ever let you run around defenceless, Barty himself can erase any clan of hunters and just the Black name got them running for their lives, every hunter knows not to mess with one of the oldest vampire families.”
James has always felt safe with them and that hasn’t changed after his transformation, but it will be nice to know he is capable of taking care of himself against any threat they might find, especially now that he’s a vampire and his strength is supposed to be multiplied.
“Well, a few families do hunt the Blacks for sport and to be able to brag that they murdered one of them, not that they ever managed to, apart from their parents.”
“Oh, hunters killed their parents?”
Evan scratches his neck with uncertainty. “I mean, if you consider Sirius selling their locations and setting them up as the hunters killing them, then yeah sure.”
James's eyes almost pop off his head. “Sirius did what?”
This is one of those moments where he can't believe whatever they told him about his best friend. Because what the actual fuck? Sure, Sirius isn't shy about saying how much he hates his family, but this is a step too far, isn't it? Especially for him who can't stand the thought of hurting another human. But well, Sirius has never considered vampires to be humans, he had grown to hate the species and himself because of his parents.
“Does Regulus know?”
“Yeah, it’s also one of the reasons for them falling out.”
“Oh, so he’s over that now?”
“I mean, I don’t think any of the hurt they caused each other has gone away, but they learned how to forgive and live with it. Besides it’s not like their parents were any good, I think that’s the only time Barty ever supported Sirius. Hell, he was seconds away from going after them himself, of course, he would’ve probably gotten himself murdered considering how old they were, so I had to keep restraining him.”
“Then how did the hunters…?”
“Maybe we should start your vampire lessons first,” Evan suggests. “Also, you should probably avoid telling Sirius what I told you, just to be safe.”
“Why? Did he ask you guys not to tell me things from your past?”
“Not really, but I doubt he’d be happy to know we did.”
“I’m not going to lie to him.”
“I’m not asking you to, if he asks, sure go ahead and tell him.” Evan approaches him like a predator. “But if he doesn’t,” he caresses James’ bottom lip with his thumb. “It would be in all of our best interests if you kept your pretty mouth shut.”
James finds himself nodding without even meaning to, he’d agree to anything Evan said when he’s standing that close to him with that wicked glint in his eyes and the sharp smile on his lips letting just a sliver of danger appear without showing his fangs to him.
James loves it when they let their masks drop and show him who they truly are behind the human facade they kept and used to protect themselves from the judging eyes of the rest of the world, he would never judge them, he’d accepted that as soon as they got back together after he ran.
There is nothing they could do that would make James turn his back on them.
His devotion is limitless.
His love has no bounds.
***
It doesn’t take long for James to notice that Evan is a great teacher, his confidence that James will get things right never waver, he’s patient and knows how to make James relax enough to pay attention to all his different senses, not just his new sight, but the hearing, the smells and touch. He teaches him how to close his eyes, take a deep breath and truly feel everything that is around him in the forest. Admittedly it freaks him out a little when he hears every animal moving around him, from the big hooves of the deer to the crawl of the worms at their feet. The bird sounds are his favourite, as well as the smell of the flowers and everything that makes Evan him by his side.
It doesn’t take long for him to suggest James should use his newfound skills to hunt down Barty and Regulus. They aren’t hard to find considering the amount of noise coming out of their mouths, it scared all the other animals away, James finds Regulus bucking beneath Barty, his fangs deeply engraved in his neck while Barty moves on top of him. The second it takes for James to decide on whether they’re fighting or fucking is all Evan needs to crash into Barty, sending them flying into the grass.
Turns out they like to fight just as much as they like to shag, occasionally doing both at the same time. James had never thought he'd enjoy it as much as he does, but there's something freeing in not holding back, giving just as much as he takes. Leaving bite marks all over their bodies as they take him apart piece by piece.
James had been right in being confused upon seeing them because Barty was fucking Regulus while they fought, but the second Barty is taken out of the equation by Evan, Regulus ties himself to James like he craved their presence by his side.
The moment he’s thrown into the floor by Regulus his breath is knocked out of his chest. They hadn’t had sex ever since he turned and, to be honest, it was one of the things James is expecting the most, they had told him plenty of times that the increase in all his feelings would make shagging that much better. And that James becoming a vampire only opened the possibilities for what they could do considering they had been holding themselves a little due to his status as a mortal.
He was a little offended when they told him that, but he could understand why they wouldn’t want to cause him near-death injury when their sex life was already amazing as is.
But now that James finally has Regulus moving on top of him, with his fangs deeply engraved on his neck, James can’t say he regrets one single choice that made him get here.
Regulus tore his clothes and half of James's back with his nails in trying to get his naked body closer to his, they have become a tumble of limbs in the forest ground, surrounded by beautiful flowers and the smell of rich earth as they roll around until they settle into their preferred position.
James ends up being put on all fours by Barty who fucks him like his life depends on it, James had thought he’d fucked him hard before, but now. Fuck, nothing has ever compared to this feeling. James has never felt so full. Everywhere. His fantasies had become a reality plenty of times. But now every time Barty fucks him into the floor, Regulus uses his hands to pull James's head into his leaking cock.
He can’t see where Evan fucks Barty from behind, but James is sure he’s the one controlling all their movements, as he always does, when he thrusts into Barty long and deep, one hand on his back keeping his torso glued to James’s back as he commands their rhythm with precise movements.
James thinks he might come the moment Barty sinks his teeth into his shoulder from behind, the pleasure only heightens with the burning pain of having his blood sucked, his life force drained into Barty's body, he chokes on Regulus's cock as he tries to groan around him. James has never felt so overwhelmed in his life. Has never given so much of himself to anybody else and felt so full at the same time.
The fact they’re outside where anyone might stumble upon them, despite them being in a recluse part of the forest, makes James's pleasure increase so much he's not sure he can take it. He can imagine how sinful they must look from an outside perspective, he can see how sensual Regulus looks with his head thrown back and his mouth wide open as he makes the most lovely sounds, cheeks red from pleasure as he arches his back, making James keep choking on his cock. He doesn’t mind, not when his blurry vision is filled with Regulus falling apart in front of him.
Not when Barty hits that spot inside of him that makes him see more than one star in front of him. Nor when he rearranges his teeth on James's shoulder and nearly tears a piece of his skin from the strength of his orgasm. James is blissed out.
He’s never been happier to be able to feel like he’s finally on an equal field with them in their relationship for the first time after five years.
***
Unfortunately, his happiness doesn’t last for long.
It starts in his dreams, like his subconscious is trying to tell him something, James dreams of a pile of dissected bodies, except he’s not himself, no James is an entity outside of his body, and what he sees on top of the pile looks like a feral animal, with red eyes and blood on his lips is an image of himself. The monstrous being James could become. The first time it happens, James wakes up feeling cold all over, turns out vampires can sweat, or at least that’s what James feels it is like. He gets up from their bed and takes a warm shower until Barty joins him and takes his mind out of his nightmare.
The next time is not nearly as forgetful as the first, this time the bodies on the floor belong to the people he loves. The faceless bodies are substituted by his mother’s face, then his father’s, his grandparents and cousins, all of his aunties and uncles. Every person James has ever loved, every friend he’s ever made, their dead bodies haunt him at night. He recognises one more each night, Sirius's warm blue eyes now cold and lifeless, Barty’s forest green eyes forever closed, then Regulus whom James would recognise by the back of his dark curls anywhere and at last Evan who’s hugging him from behind as if trying to protect him even after his death.
James's mind gets no rest, no matter how much he tries to think about other things before going to bed in an attempt to avoid what he knows is coming. It takes a week for one of them to wake up with him when James is startled awake by another vision of bones and blood.
At first, James doesn’t even notice that Regulus woke up with him, he goes to the bathroom in a frenzy, his eyes unseen as he turns on the water and desperately tries to rid his hands of the red smudging it, but no matter how much James rubs it, puts on soap and repeats the process all over again, the metallic liquid doesn’t leave his hands. He feels dirty with it. There is blood on his hands, beneath his fingertips and he doesn’t even know whose.
“James. James. James.”
He can’t look away from his hands. Why are they still so dirty? When James takes so much care of making sure his hands stay clean.
He hears the sound before he feels the pain on his cheek, James's eyes finally disconnect from his hands when his head is thrown to the side.
“Did you just slap me?” He looks at Regulus's wide eyes and dishevelled hair.
“Yes." Regulus sounds uncertain. "And I’ll do it again if you don’t stop worrying me. What happened, love?"
James looks down at his hands and realises all the blood is gone. His heart stutters out for a beat. Maybe James had cleaned it before Regulus had hit him, it's the only possibility he can think of.
“I had something on my nails.”
He stares at him in disbelief, mouth gaping open.
“Really, it freaked me out a little, you know how much I don’t like dirty fingernails.”
Regulus nods slowly even though there's concern in his grey eyes. “If you say so.” When James doesn’t say anything back he asks, “Are you better now?”
James nods, twisting his fingers nervously.
“Okay," he grabs James's fingers and kisses them softly, Regulus's grey eyes never leaving his, daring him to say something about it. James swallows drily, having to restrain himself from pulling his hands away, from saying he doesn't deserve to have Regulus's lips on them. "Then let me take you to bed.”
James lets Regulus guide him back to the others and wraps his arms around him, even if he never relaxes and falls asleep again that night.
It becomes a usual occurrence for him, what’s not usual is for one of them to wake with him, no matter that they have vampire hearing, now that James is one too he can be quiet enough to not startle them when he needs to.
His heart's always beating triple its usual rate when this happens, except this time it's Evan who is already sitting by the bed with a book in his hands and a worried look on his face.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” He takes a sweaty lock of hair out of James’s eyes.
James tries to nod as he sits up but his body feels like jelly, he’d thought he was supposed to feel strong after transforming, but there’s a pit in his stomach, James might have thrown up if there was anything in his stomach. He can't remember when was the last time he ate, James knows he doesn’t need to eat anymore, not now that his body is sustained by blood, but to know that he’s lost the habit of it so soon makes him feel weird about himself. Makes him feel less human. James isn’t sure how he feels about that.
Of course, unlike Sirius, he does know there’s nothing wrong about not being human, but James doesn’t like to feel like he’s a brainless animal commanded by something as ludicrous as blood. But he feels the ache for it at the back of his mind, the longer it passes and he has not fed, they told him it wasn’t healthy for him to drink every day after turning, that he needed to learn how to control himself, so they’d feed him once a week for starters until he got used to it. Regulus and Evan had made a whole plan regarding his eating habits, Barty just wanted to be in for the ride, and James couldn’t say he didn’t care to know about it, but he knew he wouldn’t argue with them over it, after all, they surely knew better than him when it came to being a vampire.
“Yeah,” James’ voice comes out in a rasp.
Evan raises an eyebrow, “You sure?”
For some reason, he can’t get the words out.
Evan stands up, “Come on, let’s take a bath.”
James has never felt so tired in his entire life. “I don’t wanna get up.”
Evan smiles softly. “You’re gonna make me carry you, aren’t you?”
James doesn’t even have to pretend to pout for Evan to laugh quietly and take him in his arms, for some reason, James likes feeling taken care of and protected by Evan. He has a sense of security in him that makes James always know he can count on him to have his back. Sure, his assuredness is hot in bed, but outside of it, it feels like a warm blanket that James can surround himself in. And to think he had been scared of him when they first met, that he had thought Evan exhaled danger — not that it isn’t true — but James likes to think about how things have changed, he could never be scared of any of them again.
Evan sits him on the toilet as he starts turning the warm water on.
“Take your clothes off.”
James's arms feel heavy when he tries to take his shirt off, it’s like his conscience is trying to weigh him down with guilt, but James has no idea what for. He’s done nothing wrong. If there is one thing James knows it’s that he doesn’t regret becoming a vampire and he doesn’t want to let them think he regrets his choice of being and becoming one of them.
However, when Evan helps him take his shirt off and then his pants, when he sits in front of him in the warm water and fills the bath with James favourite scented bubbles, he does try not to speak, even as his heart calms down and his entire body relaxes, his blinks turning sluggish as he stares at Evan in front of him.
“Come on, sweetheart,” he prompts him as James is about to fall asleep. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
James does not mean to, but the sense of security must have grown in his head, because he finds himself whispering, “I’m having nightmares.”
Evan freezes, “About anything in particular?”
“I see them every time I close my eyes,” he admits, to be honest, James started getting a little scared of sleeping.
“See who?” Evan frowns.
“Dead bodies, everywhere,” he’s never heard his voice so raspy. “My mom, my dad, grams. They’re all dead.” James laughs, tears falling down his eyes. “Sirius, you, Barty and Reg. And the worst part is that it was I who did it,” he passes a wet hand against his face, squeezing his eyes shut, hoping he won’t see red behind his eyelids. “I drained you of all your blood.”
When James finally manages to look at him Evan’s eyes look entirely too big for his face. “You know you can’t kill us, don’t you, love?”
James looks down at the pink bubbles surrounding them, using his fingers to try and catch them in his hands. “I feel guilty.”
He doesn’t miss the catch in Evan’s breath. “Over what?”
“Killing everyone I love. At first, it was faceless people and that was scary enough, but to hurt one of you-” James chokes on the words. “I wouldn’t be able to survive it.”
“You’d never hurt us,” Evan approaches him, closing the space between them and interlacing their legs, their faces so close to each other that Evan can rest their foreheads against each other. “James, look at me,” he raises his chin with warm fingers, once their eyes connect, all James sees is complete unwavering trust and honesty. “I don’t believe for a second you could hurt any of us.”
He tries to look away but Evan holds his chin with strong hands, James is ashamed of letting him see what’s on his mind. “I used to think so too,” he admits. “But it’s hard to believe that when every time I close my eyes I see myself draining people of blood and it feels so real, Evan. I can feel their life being drained while they’re in my arms, the light dying from their eyes, I can taste their blood,” once he starts the words just stumble out of his mouth nonstop. “Sometimes I fear this is the dream and you’re all already dead.”
There’s so much worry in his eyes that James could crumble in tears again, Evan looks so concerned for him, James doesn’t want to make him look like that, but he feels lighter now that he’s spoken.
“Do you feel this?” Evan squeezes his hand.
James nods.
“And this?” He trails his fingertips over James's arm until he reaches his shoulder.
“Yes.”
He pinches the flesh of James's sides with the other hand he hadn’t even noticed Evan had sneaked in there.
“Ouch.”
Evan laughs softly. “You definitely felt that.”
James can’t help his smile. “Yeah.”
“This is real, we’d never let you do anything you’d reg-” Evan stops himself out of nowhere and looks away, James frowns.
“What?”
Evan shakes his head. “Never mind. We should relax some more and then go back.”
James agrees easily and lays himself against Evan’s chest so he can use his strong hands to massage him and lull him into that sense of safety again.
James barely remembers drying himself and going back to bed with Evan, but he knows his nightmares won't plague him again that night, he gets the most sleep he’s ever gotten since he turned.
They’re all out when he wakes up, which is weird, they haven't left his side ever since he turned, James looks for a note they might have left to warn him of where they went but he doesn’t find any. He feels cold the moment he realises this. What if he was right and he had killed all of them? What if his dreams were the ones where he saw them at his side? What if James was creating them in his mind in an attempt to deceive himself into believing he wasn’t a monster?
He’s almost hyperventilating when he hears the front door opening and the sound of their voices reaches him from far away, like the breaking of dawn in the middle of the darkness that his mind had spiralled into.
James doesn’t even realise he’s running, but it's the fastest he’s ever moved, the moment he sees them he doesn’t even register their sombre expressions, throwing himself into their arms from the relief of seeing them again.
James squeezes them to him, breathing their scent in and allowing himself to relax once he’s finally in their arms.
“Is something wrong, love?”
James shakes his head against Barty’s shoulder. “Where did you go?”
He finally allows them to step back, just then realising how grim their expressions look. “Did something happen?”
“We need to talk,” Evan says.
James looks between them uncertainly. “Okay.”
“Why don’t we sit?” Regulus suggests, moving them to the sofa where they all sit around him.
James feels like they’re about to drop a bomb on him. “What happened?”
“There’s something we need to tell you,” Barty starts.
James waits, his stomach feels heavy with uncertainty.
“We haven’t been entirely truthful about what happened during your transformation,” Regulus admits.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it's completely normal for a person to be out of it during their transformation. We all were,” Evan guarantees it.
“So when a new vampire is given blood they can’t control themselves, their instinct is always to want more. There’s no stopping it, believe me, we’ve all tried it,” Regulus assures him.
James's breath catches in his chest. “What are you saying?”
They exchange a glance until finally, Barty starts speaking, the only one who seems inclined to explain what’s going on.
“When you turned, you drank too much, we tried to stop you, but it’s normal to be in a frenzy when you turn and believe me every new vamp I know killed at least one person after they turned and everyone knows blood bags aren’t nearly enough to satiate so if you think about it, it's a rite of passage into becoming a vampire. Of course, we hoped being in three we would’ve been able to stop you, but new vampires are wild creatures, they have no care for their own safety or others and we couldn’t hurt you so-”
James's ears drown him out, he feels like he’s gone underwater, Barty’s rapid nervous explanation going from one ear to another without ever reaching his conscience.
James killed someone. That’s what they are saying. His nightmares are true. James is a murderer. He’d killed another human being. A person. Someone who did not deserve it. James had drained them out of their blood for his own selfish needs.
He feels sick. He doesn’t even realise he is dry heaving until Evan’s hands take his sweaty hair out of his forehead and Barty holds him from behind, Regulus's face is near him, his lips are moving but James can’t hear a word he is saying.
“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”
James is a killer.
He knew that was a possibility when he accepted to become a vampire, but he’d always thought he’d be able to control himself. That he was stronger than this, that he wasn’t so selfish to choose his life before someone else’s.
James knew all of them had killed people since they hadn’t been shy about it, it was the reason Sirius hated himself and despite James having always preached that he shouldn’t, now that the tables are turned James can't stop feeling this deep hatred towards himself. Why is his desire to live forever by the side of the ones he loves more important than the life of another human being?
It shouldn’t be, should it?
This isn’t the type of person James is. This isn’t him.
“Stop. Stop it, James.”
“You’re hurting yourself.”
James doesn’t feel the blood running down his arms from where he clawed at his own skin trying to free himself of what he’d become, but he does feel a harsh slap against his face that makes his entire body turn.
“What the fuck, Barty?” Evan complains.
“He needed to snap out of it.”
“James?” Regulus asks softly. “Are you with us?”
He nods, eyes down. They are in the bathroom. James has no idea how they got there.
“Tell me what’s going on in your mind.” Evan orders.
“I killed someone,” he whispers. James can’t look them in the eyes, he can’t make himself look at his own hands.
Nowhere is safe.
He’s left counting the tiles of the floor, it brings him a sense of calmness that he does not feel.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Regulus says with so much conviction that it makes James laugh. It’s a small and mocking sound that he’s never heard coming out of his lips before.
“It was my hands that held them wasn’t it? My teeth sank into their flesh. My mouth closed around the wound and sucked it. So tell me.” James finally looks at them, finding three pairs of wide eyes staring back at him. “How the fuck is that not my fault?”
It’s a mix of shock, regret and helplessness that meets him. Until Barty recovers.
“James. There’s a reason you don’t even remember it. It’s because it wasn’t you. Not the real you. Not consciously. It’s every vampire's instinct. We can’t help it. We’re predators. It’s either kill or be killed.”
Then James would have rather he died.
The moment he thinks about it he regrets it. He knows it isn’t true. Some part of him knew this was a possibility and yet no matter how much he thought he’d prepared himself for it. In the end, James isn’t strong enough to bear it.
“Don’t try to sugarcoat it. I know it was me. I’ve been seeing it in my dreams.” James gives a humourless laugh. “Of course, I did not know this was what I was seeing because it escaped your mind to tell me about it.”
“James,” Regulus tries.
“No,” he raises a hand. “Don’t try to justificate it. Were you ever going to tell me?” He asks bitterly.
“We wanted to tell you right away,” Regulus says. “But you were so happy and doing so well.”
“We didn’t want to ruin this for you,” Barty admits.
“We knew you’d react like this and we didn’t want you to blame yourself.”
“How can I not blame myself?”
“Because if anything it was our fault,” Regulus admits. “We were ashamed of ourselves.”
“We thought we could restrain you and stop you from killing them easily, but when you started fighting we only cared about not hurting you,” Evan admits.
“We couldn’t hurt you, no matter how hard you struggled to hurt us, so we… we let you kill them so that we wouldn’t have to hurt you.” Barty is the only one who can meet his eyes now. “So yes. It was our fault. We’re selfish and I’m not scared of admitting it. That I would put your life above anyone else's every day of the week. There isn’t a world in which I'd choose to hurt you instead of anyone else.”
James's throat closes. His traitorous heart fills with love. How can it not when it sings for them? When it’s so unusual for Barty to speak so freely about how much he cares for them. James always treasures these moments, even if they come at the worst of times.
The worst part is that James gets it, he understands why they would always choose him over anyone else. Because they love him. Because James would do the same for them. Every time. No matter what it cost him. So how could he ever be mad at them for choosing him? It’s simple, truly. James can’t.
His body deflates. James can feel all his strength leaving, thankfully Barty, Evan and Regulus are right there to catch him before he lets himself fall against the cold tiles.
“We got you. We got you, sweetheart.”
***
The days drag by. James can’t make himself get out of bed. He can’t sleep. He can’t move. His body felt frozen the moment he found out that his nightmares were true and he’d been responsible for the death of another human being.
James has never felt so numb in his entire life. He feels the word through a thick glass wall. James can’t hear anything, nor smell, can’t see anything or hear.
The days drag by in a haze, a few words barely registering in his mind as people move around him trying to get him out of the bubble created in his mind.
“We should call Sirius,” the voice has a familiar cadence to it, soft and comforting. James knows he loves the person it belongs to and still, he can’t access any of his feelings at the moment. He feels like his heart has been frozen in a box outside of his body.
“He’s gonna kill us.”
“Well, I’d rather die than have to see him go through this any longer,” it sounds rougher but just as emotional. James’s box shakes. A fissure tries to crack its surface. Uselessly. Just like James’s body that refuses to cooperate.
“Fine, but I’m not gonna be the one to break it to him.”
The next time James comes to is when the smell of smoke fills his lungs so strongly it gets past the thick barrier he created instinctively to protect himself, except now his brain — not used to its new immortality — recognises the smell as dangerous and makes him snap out of it. James coughs, the room is dark, but he can see everything clear enough to make himself get out of bed and follow the terrible smell, his body moves on autopilot, trying to find what could’ve possibly been responsible for this.
He trails it to the kitchen where he finds Regulus trying to extinguish a huge fire on the stove with a fire extinguisher, but what catches his attention is where two bodies are moving wildly over the floor, tearing each other apart with nails and fangs. James had never seen such brutality before, never knew two bodies could move that quickly. He’s thankful he can trail their movements now that his vision has heightened, except that seeing it fuels a fire inside of him to protect.
Protect both of them. Barty and Sirius. Who are viciously fighting and breaking everything around the living room while Evan tries to tear them apart, but ends up getting hurt each time. Their movements are wild, there’s no technique, it's pure hatred sown hundreds of years ago and nourished carefully with time. James isn’t sure anyone could break them apart. Not when they’re both bleeding so heavily, they’re bodies slip together and smudge the floor. Not when James is sure he’s seen a piece of what he can only assume has been bitten out of someone’s body lying around like it's being chewed by a pack of wolves.
He can’t associate this with the men he loves. The men who took care of him at different times and each in their own way, but that are both just as appreciated and loved by him.
It’s due to his surprise, to his incredulity and still numbed-out mind that James tries to step between them. In a daze, he walks in their direction, he naively believes his presence will be enough to make them snap out of it, that he won’t need to get his hands even more dirty than they already are.
The moment he comes into their vicinity James knows he’s made a mistake, he trips over their moving forms, even with his new reflexes, James has got nothing when it comes to their years of strength and hatred. The only thing that stops him from falling to the floor and hitting his head is Evan’s arm who quickly catches him before they can make contact. James isn’t sure how much it would hurt his new body, but he has no desire to find out either.
Evan grabs him around the waist and quickly brings him out of their range of motion, his eyes wide as he stares at James in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”
“I smelled the smoke.”
“If I knew all I had to do to get you out of bed was to set the kitchen on fire I would’ve done it before.”
James has no strength to smile, but the fact that he feels like doing it seems like a victory to him compared to how he had been feeling — he suddenly realises he has no idea how long it has been, how long he’d been laying in bed in a catatonic state.
“How do we stop them?” James tries to get back to what’s important at the moment.
Evan grimaces, looking back at them while still caressing James’s waist absentmindedly. “I’m afraid we can't. This has been coming for centuries, it couldn’t be avoided. We need to let them have it out.”
“This isn't like when Barty fights with Reg, Ev.” James finally tears his eyes away from Evan’s face. “They’re gonna kill each other if we don’t do something.”
Evan’s face twists in pain as if he can feel what Barty’s feeling at the moment. “I’ll take you to the kitchen where Reg hopefully already cleared the fire and bring him in to try to stop them by force.”
James shakes his head. “I can help.”
“James.”
“I can. I’m a vampire now,” it’s the first time he’s said it out loud, the words don’t leave a bad taste in his mouth. It’s not being a vampire that he despises, it’s killing people that James can’t live with.
“That doesn’t make you indestructible.” Evan turns to him, there’s a deep sadness in his eyes that James has never seen in him before. “Especially considering what happened. You haven’t fed in two weeks, that’s not normal for new vamps, you need to be strong enough if you want to step in this one.”
Just the thought of drinking blood makes him feel sick all over again. James lets himself be taken into the kitchen where Regulus has indeed stopped the fire, he has ashes on his lovely curls. James wants to brush it for him.
“You’re up,” his voice is full of wonder, and then he’s throwing himself in James's arms, the only reason he doesn’t fall back from the strength is the arm Evan still keeps around him, even as Regulus tries to crawl his way inside of James’s body through sheer force. “I missed you so much, love,” he whispers brokenly.
James wishes he had the strength to hold himself together for them, to be the person they met and to be able to take care of them as they have for him. But at the moment all he can do is squeeze Regulus's body into his and allow himself to breathe his familiar scent in, taking comfort on both bodies surrounding him and melting the ice box around his heart.
“I was right here.”
Regulus doesn’t step away from him, but he does lean his head back to be able to properly look at him, the glassy grey eyes make James’s heart rage inside his chest, trying to bring itself closer to Regulus, to give itself to him and show him that every beat still belongs to him.
Regulus doesn’t dispute his affirmation, but he does say. “I’m glad you’re back.”
James doesn’t feel like he’s back, nothing has changed for him, except that Barty and Sirius are fighting against each other like wild animals. He won’t argue with Regulus at the moment, he can’t, James has a one-track mind and that’s making sure the people he loves survive through the night. That has always been his priority.
“You need to help me break them up,” it’s Evan who interrupts them, putting a hand on Regulus’s neck and catching his attention while his thumb never stops moving circles on James’s back. His touch comforts James and gives him enough sense of security to trust in both of them to take care of it. He feels awful that he won’t be able to offer any help, but he will be on standby in case they do need another hand, no matter what Evan has said.
When Regulus kisses his jaw goodbye and Evan presses his lips against James's temple, he has to hold in his tears, has to stop himself from reaching up and not allowing them to disentangle their limbs from his. James doesn’t ever want to step away from them, it hurts even more when they’re the ones who leave his embrace, his body immediately turning cold the moment their skins aren’t touching.
He trails them until they reach the living room, staring from behind the sofa while Regulus and Evan exchange one glance before they each tackle one of them in a different direction from where they had been fighting. Evan goes for Barty, throwing them so far away they collide against the wall, Regulus doesn’t get Sirius nearly as far but he does get him to stop fighting back faster than Evan, who seems to keep feeding the fire of Barty’s hatred until he gets an opening and closes his hand firmly around his jaw like a muzzle.
Barty shakes his head like a furious dog being restrained, but once his eyes finally go from red to green and he registers Evan’s pissed-off face in front of him, his entire body relaxes, like a switch has been turned in his body.
“Ev,” his voice is hoarse, he spits a mouthful of blood the moment Evan drops his hand from the front of Barty’s mouth to his neck, still restraining but giving him more leeway.
“Are you gonna behave?”
Barty’s eyes burn again. “If he-”
Evan snaps his other hand in front of his eyes, taking them away from where Sirius is brushing dust off his clothes as if they aren’t filled with blood while arguing with Regulus over what happened. “Don’t fucking look at him while I’m speaking to you.”
Barty’s eyes turn heated the second they land on Evan’s face.
“Behave,” it’s an order.
Barty shudders, his entire body melting in Evan’s grip.
James is sure they’re about to start shagging on the carpet until Sirius gasps loudly enough to catch all of their attention.
“James,” is all he says and then they’re falling in each other’s arms, James has to hold in a sob.
He knows it's unreasonable, it's not like he hasn’t seen Sirius for months like last time, but James feels like he understands him so much better now. How deep his own hatred runs for their species. Why Sirius feels it so strongly. James may not regret being turned, but he knows it’s the reason he feels like this. It’s his own selfishness and desire to live eternally by the side of those he loves.
“Sirius,” James exhales, breathing his scent in, it’s slightly thwarted by the blended smell of Sirius’s and Barty’s blood, nonetheless, it brings James comfort.
Sirius runs his hands over James’s shoulders and back, trying to assure himself that his best friend is in one piece. James thinks he’s the one who ought to do that considering Sirius has just come back from the most brutal fight he’s ever seen — not that James has plenty to compare to when it comes to vampires fighting — Regulus and Barty aren’t nearly as brutal with each other, their tension comes filled with sexual frustration that does eventually lead into them fucking each other until they’re both spent.
“Are you alright?” James has to make sure.
Sirius nods, resting his forehead against James’s as Sirius runs his eyes over his face. “What have they done to you?” His voice is raspy as if he has to hold in his tears.
“Nothing that I haven’t asked for,” James answers honestly.
“Why?” Sirius makes a pained face as he shakes his head in denial. “You were perfect.”
“He still is,” it’s Barty who growls it.
James holds Sirius by the neck to him, to stop him from turning to Barty and starting another fight. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Sirius looks away. James knows he can’t argue with that, Sirius would never wish to live on after James’s death, he’s told him plainly before that he was going right after him.
“You could’ve told me.”
“You would’ve tried to stop us.”
“I don't want this for you, James. To know how it is to live with guilt.”
James's throat closes up. “Did they tell you… about what happened?”
Sirius nods. “Yeah, they did. How are you feeling?”
James can't swallow. “I can't.” James suddenly can't breathe. “I… I killed her.”
It doesn't get easier the more he says it.
“What did you expect?” Sirius's voice betrays his disbelief. “How could you expect to become this wretched thing without turning yourself into a monster?”
James steps back. “You think I'm a monster?”
“Don't you?” He raises an eyebrow as if the answer to it should be obvious. “You healed with their teeth on your neck," Sirius says in disbelief. "You know those marks are gonna stay on forever now, don't you?” He sounds disgusted.
James feels sick.
James hasn't come to terms with the fact that he took a life yet. He's also never considered Barty, Evan, Regulus and Sirius to be monsters because of what they'd done. But perhaps that was hypocritical of him considering he was so quick to judge anyone else who'd done so, including himself.
Hearing Sirius talk about the marks he appreciates so much as if they’re dirty makes him want to scrub himself whole, it’s enough to make him want to hide. But hearing Sirius say he thinks James is a monster now is another thing.
Sirius has always been the person that James could count on to be by his side, the one he knew would always have his back. To have him think James is despicable over what he'd done, over what he is now. That makes James' heart crumble.
He hasn't been feeling alright ever since it happened. But nothing is compared to how he feels now, it's like his soul is dying. James doesn't have his person by his side anymore.
“You should go,” for everyone's wonder it's Regulus who says it in a cold tone.
“What?” Sirius turns to him in shock.
“Leave.” Evan is not nearly as polite.
“There's no way I'm leaving him with you after what you turned him into.”
“I'm afraid you don't have a choice anymore, Sirius,” Regulus remains stone-faced.
“Well, I think it's James' choice,” he turns to James expectantly.
For the first time in his life, James turns his back to him.
“James.” Sirius's voice betrays his disbelief.
James finds Barty's eyes, practically begging him to get rid of Sirius. James has never expected he'd ever feel this way.
“Leave now or I’m tearing another piece of your arm,” Barty warns with pure determination on his face, he looks like he'd love nothing more than being able to fight him again.
All of them step up and create a protective barrier between James and his best friend.
“I'd listen to him if I were you.” Evan's smile is cold, his teeth elongating threateningly. “I'm not holding him back next time.”
Sirius doesn't even pay attention to it, his entire focus on James as he stares at him with his heart in his eyes.
“James,” it's a broken cry, a plea.
He can't do this anymore, can't listen to Sirius beg him when he's the one who said he sees James as a monster now that he's become a vampire when he is the last person James expected to make him feel even worse about the situation.
So he walks away in the direction of the only safe haven he's had ever since he turned. James goes back to their bedroom.
***
It’s not only the lack of support or understanding from Sirius that makes him miserable. It’s also the self-hatred that makes him unable to get up from bed or the sofa when they insist he moves. It’s the self-hatred that stops him from drinking blood even when his entire body burns in need of it when he has no strength to move. Regulus usually curls up with him on the couch and brings him comfort while Barty tries to make him laugh to take his mind out of all the images that keep running over his mind. Nonetheless, Evan is the one who likes to take care of him the most. It's in his nature.
“You need to drink it, James,” Evan insists.
“I can’t,” his stomach crumbles just thinking about it.
“You won’t survive if you keep going like this,” Regulus tells him gently.
“Why do I deserve to survive when they didn’t?”
They stay quiet at this. They know James doesn’t believe that one life should be more important than others, no matter that he would put theirs above anyone else, he’d never be able to do the same when it came to himself. James had never learned how to be selfish.
“They’re already dead. Killing yourself won’t bring them back,” James knows Barty doesn’t mean to be harsh, but he never learned how to deliver bad news without hurting others' feelings.
Regulus elbows him in reprimand. “What he means is that all we can do in the future is make sure you won’t hurt anyone else, there’s nothing we can do to change the past.”
“I can’t take that risk.”
“You don’t need to drink from someone,” Evan tells him. “We can grab you a blood bag.”
“The smell of it is making me sick,” James admits, he’d thought of that before, it’s not like he wants to feel miserable inside and outside.
“We could mix it with something else so you won’t smell or taste it as strongly,” Evan suggests.
James makes a face, he isn’t sure there is anything that would mix well with blood.
Barty laughs. “Don’t make that face, Reg loves to drink wine with blood.”
“It enhances the wine’s taste, it's delicious.”
“We can try,” he acquiesces for them.
Evan goes to prepare the drink while Regulus and Barty stay cuddled up with James on the sofa, he can see Evan at the counter, grabbing one blood bag from their supply and one of James’s favourite wine bottles.
“Don’t look,” Barty grabs his chin and makes sure they are making eye contact, his green eyes full of worry. “It’s better to deceive your brain into thinking it's just wine.”
“Not sure if that’ll be possible.”
“He’s only putting a sip,” Regulus reassures him.
James tries to allow himself to relax again against them, but his body is too aware of the sounds Evan is making, not looking just makes him pay more attention to the details, he hears the sound the plastic bag makes as it is opened. The sounds the liquid makes as it flows into the glass make him wonder how much Evan is putting inside it. His stomach grumbles. James has never felt so weak.
“There you go, sweetheart.” Evan offers him the glass.
James’s arm fails to raise, he tries to will it again, but they feel heavy, barely twitching against his body.
“Here,” Regulus grabs the glass from him. “I’ll help you.”
He lifts the glass until the rim touches James’s barely opened lips, he instinctively tries to move his head to the side to avoid it from spilling into his mouth, but Barty’s hands tighten on his jaw. James’s eyes widen behind his new glasses — he doesn’t need them anymore to see, but when he told Evan he felt weird not wearing them, he’d gotten him one with different lenses — he hadn’t been expecting them to pretty much shove it down his throat, even if it’s done lovingly and with gentleness.
“Relax,” Evan tells him soothingly. “We’d never hurt you, but you need to drink, love. You’re desiccating.”
James's body instantly goes lax upon Evan’s words, his voice calms him and reminds him there’s no danger for him when it comes from them. They could do anything they wanted to him and James would take it.
The moment the liquid touches his tongue and James tastes it he realises he had been suffering for nothing, it’s delicious. One of the best things he’s ever gotten the pleasure to taste. The liquid is so rich he feels goosebumps forming on his skin, James instantly feels better, like he just ran a marathon and is finally getting a taste of some energy drink, he feels renovated and the taste is delicious.
There’s a hand caressing the strands of his hair, James doesn’t even realise he’s leaning into it.
“That’s it, baby. Drink it all,” Evan encourages him as Regulus feeds him the drink and Barty holds him in place as he lovingly holds the back of his neck.
Before James even realises it the liquid is gone, he whines from the back of his throat, and the burning slowly subsides, but it’s not nearly enough to satisfy him. When James could only remember the bad feeling in his mouth over having killed someone, he couldn’t make himself miss the taste of blood, the way it made him feel. However, now that he had gotten a taste of what he was missing, his heart was racing, and his mind was going on an overdrive over what he would need to do to get more of it.
James wants it all. He craves to bathe in it. Unhinge his jaw until he can have the most of it at the same time.
Thankfully he does not need to beg for it, he would if he had to. But Evan is already in front of him with another glass by the time James comes to there’s another glass being brought to his mouth and the God’s drink is already running over his tongue again. James moans against the glass, his throat running in overdrive trying to swallow it all.
James can feel the concentration of blood is bigger on this one, there’s likely very little wine in it compared to the other one where it was more diluted, but James can’t make himself care about it, not when his mind is only filled with how great he feels over it, the ecstasy clouds his judgement.
He’s not sure when they gave him a blood bag, but James tears it with his teeth, blood bathing his face as he tries to swallow it all.
“More,” he breathes out.
James doesn’t know when he climbed into Barty’s lap, but he knows Evan and Regulus keep on feeding him as James shudders in pleasure against him, his hips instinctively moving against him.
“That’s enough, love,” Regulus tries to stop him.
James groans, “More.”
“You already had too much. We can’t let you have this much the second time around, this way you’ll never learn how to control it.” Evan tries to reason with him.
Their words go over his head. There is no rational thought in his brain. James wants blood, so he will have it. There were three sources of it in front of him that would willingly give it to him, one of them especially closer. James doesn’t make a conscious decision to seduce them into giving him more, but Barty is already hard beneath him and his vein throbs so beautifully in his neck. James can see it pulsing, nothing has ever looked this appealing to him.
He sinks his teeth on it at the same time as he undoes Barty’s belt, hears him groaning against James head as he throws his head back in pleasure, his hands move from James neck to his thighs and then squeezing his arse, bringing his body even closer to his as James feeds on him like his life depends on it.
It doesn’t satisfy his hunger, but it fuels the pleasure in his gut. To know that Barty’s life force is going inside of him. That it’s Barty who feeds him. Like James once did for him. He wonders for a moment if Barty would let him get to that point. The same way James did for him before. If Barty would let James drain him of blood.
“You can suck me dry, sunshine.” Barty moans the words out. “As long as you keep moving your ass against me.
James hears Evan ripping his shirt from the back so he’ll be able to take it off him without dislodging him from Barty, James appreciates his thoughtfulness as he undoes his own belt, what he does not appreciate is when Evan pulls him off Barty and throws him on the other side of the couch, making him fall onto Regulus lap, who takes his sweaty hair out of his forehead gently.
“You’ve drunk enough.”
James bares his teeth in warning, Evan’s eyes widen in surprise, James has never done that before, he feels a little out of his mind, their blood calling to him, but there’s an even stronger smell calling his name inside of the fridge where he knows they keep the human blood. James needs to get there by whatever means necessary, he would’ve preferred fucking them for it, Regulus and Barty seem like they’d be into it, but if Evan wants to fight that’s what he’ll get. James will make him see reason just like he did with the others.
“James,” there’s a warning in his voice that James doesn’t heed, Evan raises his hands in an 'I’m not gonna harm you way'. It’s naive of him. James pounces, throwing him on the floor with his teeth wrapped around his neck in an instant. Evan groans, James almost vibrates on top of him from the ecstasy, he can’t get enough, and a part of him is afraid he’ll never get enough.
James sucks and bucks against him, moaning against Evan’s neck, his hands settle on James’s waist and squeeze strongly, accelerating his movements as he moans and mouths against James’s own neck. He’s sure he could come like this, the pleasure is far too great until he feels sharp teeth against his own neck, goosebumps spread over his skin and then Evan’s biting him.
It burns just as much as the first time they bit him, but now James is already used to the feeling, his brain knows there will come immeasurable pleasure afterwards, they hump against each other as they drink each other’s blood. James wishes he’d sink himself into Evan’s dick before he bit him, he’d love to have another part of him inside of himself.
James could feel the build-up starting, his movements turning more rapid as he tried to get there faster, moving his hips just right so he could feel Evan’s cock against his own, James can already feel the familiar tingling in his gut when someone grabs him by the neck and takes him off Evan like James doesn’t weigh more than a ragged doll.
James hangs in the air as he’s met with Barty’s pissed-off expression, he’s got a glint in his eyes James recognises. “You see, sunshine. The thing is, I would've happily let you drain me of blood. Evan on the other hand,” he clicks his tongue in reproach. “Tsk tsk tsk. No way in hell.”
Then he lets him go and shoves a blood bag into James's face. His eyes widen upon having what he's wanted all along being given to him freely. James could come right now. Could drop to his knees and suck Barty off as a thank you. Instead, he closes his lips around the opening and sucks the blood greedily. His entire body shudders in pleasure, the world he knows as turning into a halo of fluorescent lights as his mind drifts off to another realm.
“What the fuck, Barty? He’ll never learn if you keep indulging him,” James isn’t entirely sure if it was Regulus who complained.
“This isn’t gonna work anyway, I’ve told you that from the beginning.”
“Then what do you suggest?” He asks prickly.
“We teach him the old way.”
“That didn’t work with Sirius.”
“Well, James isn’t Sirius,” Evan says.
“Thank fuck for that,” Barty snorts.
“Are we doing this?” Regulus sounds worried, but James can’t care right now, not when he’s got everything he’s ever wanted on his lips, not when he’s on the brink of something he’s only felt once before.
“Hell yes.” Barty has never sounded so elated. “We need to get rid of his moral compass.”
Notes:
so the reason it took me this long was entirely because of the angst, the happy parts have been ready for months, but the rest was like pulling teeth, I might've written it all out of order so hopefully it makes sense lmao, James did go a lil out of his mind in this and Barty is very excited to corrupt him heheh so I hope it was alright and would love to know what you thought
next part will definetly be heavier on the blood, death and smut, that's something to look up for heheh (well for me) but don't you worry there will be a happy ending ofc :))) also ending with the word Compass was totally on purpose cuz I thought it was cute considering heheh
anyway you can come talk to me on tumblr or twitter as always, thanks for the patience <3 hope to see u soon ;)
Chapter 3
Notes:
heeey as I explained on tumblr I lost all my outlines for this fic so it took me a while to get back into it and writing only on James pov did push me into a corner with what I could do with this so hopefully you'll understand what I meant for it to be lol it's way too long for no reason cuz I'm a sucker for character driven stories and they just needed more scenes lmao but I do hope you enjoy, I'm really happy to finally finish this
(I will edit this properly once I can look at it again, it would take me so long to edit smth bigger than 15k cuz i have no attention span for it and this turned out to be 20k which makes it the biggest chapter so far and I wanted to post it asap so be kind)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
James has always been a party animal. He feels as if he’s back in college with Sirius, except his best friend is nowhere in sight. Instead, James is revelling with the men he loves. He’s never been happier. James has lost track of time. If he had thought they had been wild during their teenage years, that would have been nothing compared to how hard Barty and Evan like to go at it.
Since using drugs or drinking is the same as nothing to their vampiric bodies, they choose the drunkest or highest person they can find before drinking their blood. The effect is instantaneous, the pleasure from the blood along with the high they receive from the drugs is enough to keep them partying nonstop. James wants to stay there with them forever.
He’s lost count of how many months they spent travelling and he doesn’t particularly care, not when he’s moving his body to the sounds of the beat. At the same time, Regulus moves his hips against him, arms around his neck as James throws his head back against Barty’s chest, whose hands are moving all over both of their bodies as they move in tandem to the rhythm of the beat. They’re sandwiching him in the middle of the dance floor while Evan goes out to find them another drink.
James' heart beats to the sound of the drums just as it used to when he was a human, he’s glad it’s still beating on his chest and that all those old vampire lore were lying to him, he’s unsure he would’ve been able to adapt to it well — mind you not that he has been the best at becoming a vampire so far, but travelling helped take his mind out of things.
Especially when he has so many distractions at a hands distance, one of them is making their best effort at fucking him in the middle of a packed club, hands moving dangerously low on the front of his pants. Regulus always says Barty didn’t know what shame was when he was a human, but that he’d become so much worse once he turned. James wouldn’t complain if he wasn’t already half hard and having Regulus rubbing all over his cock is not helping his case at all.
“Barty,” he warns, but doesn’t bat his hands away, James’s fingers are too busy with Regulus' sinful waist and pulling at the back of Barty’s hair.
Regulus moves his lips daringly to James' neck, sucking and biting on the spot Barty first bit him making James shudder against their bodies.
“If you two keep this up—” he doesn’t need to finish his sentence for him to feel both of their bodies trembling with their laughter.
“Oh, Jamie, always so easy to rile up,” Barty murmurs against his neck, sending goosebumps all over his body.
Regulus’s grey eyes twinkle in amusement. “I’m not doing anything,” he says innocently.
“Evan said to wait,” James remembers them.
“Do you always do what Evan tells you to?” Barty teases, finger moving circles on James’ stomach.
“Don’t you?”
Barty gasps in outrage while Regulus laughs. “He’s got a point.”
“Excuse you, I have autonomy, matter of fact, I disobey him on purpose half the time.”
“Only because you like it when he punishes you for it way too much,” Regulus challenges.
Barty shrugs, “Can’t argue with my methods when they always give me what I want.”
“You’re shameless.”
“As if you’re any better, been years and you still melt every time he smiles at you.”
“Can you blame him?” James interrupts their argument, their faces have drawn closer in the heat of it.
“Nope, but I do love to make fun of it.”
Regulus rolls his eyes and swats at Barty’s shoulder. “Keep it up and you aren’t getting laid tonight.”
Barty laughs, “See, that’s the beauty of having three boyfriends, when one’s not putting out you always have other options.”
Regulus' glare is vicious, “Oh, is that the only reason you’re with us?”
“Pretty much,” Barty never knows when it’s the time to stop.
“You’d need ten partners if you depended on not angering anyone to get laid,” James teases, hoping to diffuse the situation before they start going at each other while he’s in the middle of them. He hasn’t been caught in the crossfire of their fights before, but he has heard enough of them to know he has no desire to. Especially when Evan has warned him against it — and he would know considering how long he’s been with them. James is sure he’s tried before and failed miserably.
Lucky for him it makes both of them laugh, Regulus' shoulders drop from where he’d started getting tense, and James moves his hand to caress his back soothingly. Before they can speak again Evan approaches them with another man in town, he’s relatively attractive, but what catches James' attention is how fucked up he is, being almost held up by Evan’s hands, his eyes completely swollen by his irises.
James licks his lips anticipatingly, he knows what’s coming and he can barely wait for it, his gums hurting where his new teeth are trying to make an appearance. James can’t wait to get his teeth on him, to feel his blood filling his system, it affects him so much that he almost sways in place, the only thing keeping him in place being Barty and Regulus’s hands.
Evan doesn’t stop, just signals with his head for them to follow him and they dutifully do. James is not naive, he knows there’s a reason why they didn’t take their hands off him the entire time Evan was gone, he isn’t at a place where he can control himself so close to this many people. It’s why one would argue the club is the worst place to take a new vampire, but his boyfriends disagreed.
Barty claims it's like exposure therapy, that James will only manage to hold himself back once he gets thrown in the middle of them and manages to hold himself back. It’s easier when he has them distracting him with the promise of sex, even easier when they promise to give him more fresh blood. James' mind has been on a swirl of blood and sex. The only two things he can find it in himself to care about.
The soon-approaching meal has him twitching in place as they walk to the emergency exit that they know will lead them to the back alley that's deserted and with little to no illumination. The only time someone stumbled upon them they ended up becoming a meal too, so James doesn’t particularly care if other people appear. The more the better. It’s a lesson he learned early on.
As soon as the door closes on their back James moves, faster than he ever has before, passing by Barty and Evan who were in front of him and throwing the random man against the wall. James has his lips against the man’s neck faster than he can scream, the moment the blood floods his gums James moans his body buckling with the strength of it.
As a human, James had never been in the habit of doing drugs. Sure, he’d tried a bit of everything during his college years, but he’d never wanted to get addicted to anything, so Sirius was always careful of how much intake he did. As a vampire James has no care for it, he doesn’t think vampires can get addicted to anything anyway, so he doesn’t try to hold himself back when he feels the lightheadedness that the blood gives him.
“Easy,” Evan warns. “We all want a sip.”
James growls against the man’s neck, he has learned how to drink properly now, only a few sips escaping his mouth as he tries to swallow as much as he can. There are hands on his arms, pulling, James shoves them away, paying no mind to their restlessness.
“You need to learn how to share, Jamie.”
“He’s an only child, we should’ve figured he’d be like this.”
“As if having a brother made you any better,” Barty scoffs.
“It did teach me how to fight for it,” Regulus hisses.
“Go fight somewhere else if you’re not gonna be of any help,” Evan warns.
James gulps greedily, his body sagging against the man he’s drinking from, the wall the only thing keeping them upright as he leans into him, trying to get more. Always more. This time the arms succeed in taking him away. James hisses instinctively, blood falling from between his teeth as he shoves the closest to him.
“Watch it.”
And then someone else is stealing his meal. James growls, advancing in their direction when two other arms hold him back. “You’ve had enough.”
“Breathe, ride it out.”
James swallows the blood in his mouth, unwilling to lose any more of it before he readies himself for a fight, except he never does get it because his assailant kisses him and James loses his footing. His mind has no time to get confused when they taste so good, James recognises their smell, the way they move their tongue and their soft lips. James wants to swallow them whole.
“James,” they moan against his mouth and then he’s the one being pressed against the wall and there are teeth on his neck.
“Fuck,” he throws his head back in pleasure.
No matter how many times they do this James never gets used to it, it’s such an intense feeling it always feels like the first time. He’s a sucker for it. Would let them suck him dry as long as their body never left his. He curls his finger against soft curls and pulls, kissing Regulus again. Regulus. Regulus. Regulus.
James can taste his own blood on his lips, better yet, the blood he just sucked from the other man, James sways on Regulus’s grip. “More,” he pleads.
“Anything, my love,” and then he’s biting him again, sucking and sucking until James feels like he’s going to pass out, the world swirling around him and then Regulus is kissing him again, mouth full of blood, sharing it with James selflessly. James takes advantage of it, sucking on Regulus' tongue like his life depends on it, Regulus moans against his mouth and then hisses when James bites his lower lip with his fangs, going back to sucking Regulus' lip greedily.
“Damn, baby.”
“We’re done,” Evan tells them.
When James finally turns to them the man isn’t there anymore, he frowns. “Where did he go to?” he slurs.
“Hospital,” Evan answers promptly.
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
James isn’t worried. He hasn’t been in a long time, after all, it’s not the first time they’ve done this, more like the twentieth. It doesn’t scare him nearly as much as it should. His brain is clouded with whatever the man had been using before they all drank his blood.
“Up for going back inside?” Regulus questions, still holding on to him.
James nods mindlessly, holding onto the hands that are offered and letting them pull him along, the inside of the club looks different once they’re back inside, the lights shining weirdly and the ceiling looks like the night sky as if they never entered it again. James doesn’t question it when they take him back to the dance floor, moving in a protective circle around him as they dance to their heart's content.
James has never felt lighter in his whole life, his body moving mindlessly as he laughs against Barty’s neck, as he lets Evan twirl him around just to pass him onto Regulus' waiting hands. They kiss and then dance some more. Changing partners without caring if anyone’s watching. James has always longed for freedom and now he has finally found it in the arms of those he loves.
***
James wakes up groggily, his mind taking up things around him slowly, he has no idea where he is or what day it is, but he notices there’s dried blood all over his chest. He doesn’t know who it belongs to. James doesn’t care. Not when Barty is lying on his thighs, eyes widening in delight when he notices James woke up. Barty starts climbing up his body and licking the red stain off James’ abs, going up his torso in tortuously slow movements, biting on James' waist and making his hips buckle helplessly against Barty's legs.
“Good morning, Jamie darling,” Barty whispers against his stomach.
“Fuck,” James can’t think, let alone speak.
“That’s the goal,” Barty smiles devilishly, his tongue peeking out to encircle James’ nipple, quickly being followed by the gentle press of one fang on it making a small puncture wound. James’ nails sink into his back, unsure if he’s trying to pull him in or shove him back and then Barty’s sucking on it, moaning around his flesh. James groans and looks to the side — if he keeps staring at Barty’s half-lidded eyes this might end before it even begins — and sees that Regulus is sleeping on Evan’s chest.
“We should wake them up.”
Barty lights up like it’s Christmas and then he moves from James’s body to Regulus’ and wraps his mouth around Regulus’ cock, encouraging James to do the same to Evan. So he does, licking up Evan’s length, making him twitch against his mouth as he wakes up with a violent jerk. James smiles and then wraps his mouth around Evan’s cock.
“Fuck me,” he curses, cock hardening as soon as he sees James between his legs.
“That can be arranged,” Barty hums, popping Regulus cock out of his mouth. Evan is close enough to grab his hair harshly and force his mouth back.
“He does look better when his mouth is shut.” Regulus agrees and then curses when Evan doesn’t let up and uses his grip to fuck Barty’s mouth on Regulus length.
James bobs his head up and down lazily, just happy to have Evan’s cock in his mouth, restraining himself from smiling when he turns his narrowed eyes on him. But he makes no move to speed up James’s movements, eyes growing half-lidded the more he sees how much James is enjoying himself. The lenience doesn’t last for long though, Evan doesn’t know how to not be in control, but he does let them indulge sometimes until he snaps and takes it back on his firm hands and makes them move according to how he wants them. It never fails to make them hornier.
James moans around him when Evan’s other hand wraps around his hair harshly, halting his movements altogether, “Enjoying yourself, sweetheart?”
James tries to nod, but he can’t move his head properly, nor can he speak with Evan’s cock in his mouth. Evan has never looked more amused, a sadistic glint in his eyes when he starts moving both James and Barty’s heads over their cocks at the same rhythm.
Barty’s eyes are already watering and James isn’t that far behind, he gags on Evan’s dick. Still, he doesn’t let up, fucking James mouth over and over again until he’s out of breath, his own neglected cock so hard he can’t help but squirm and move his hips against the bed in search of some friction. Ever since James found out vampires don’t need to breathe to survive — they only do it out of instinct — they’ve been playing with it. Barty was the one who showed him, using James as an example and ever since he’s been dying to test it out, pushing himself further and further the longer it takes.
Evan groans, body shuddering and making James preen against him, even as he feels lightheaded, when James thinks he can’t take it anymore his hands start moving wildly against Evan’s thighs trying to push back.
“Sh, sh. You can take it, baby,” he reassures him, never stopping his movements.
James knows they agreed on this beforehand and he knows he doesn’t actually need to breathe to stay awake, but it doesn’t keep him from panicking, from making his vision darken slightly when he feels like he’s gonna pass out.
Except that when Evan presses himself deeper on James’s throat and he fears he’s going to be out, his body doesn’t shut down, James stays awake and Evan goes on and on, using James' mouth for his pleasure while controlling Barty’s movements. It’s one of the hottest things James has ever seen. He fears he might cum untouched.
“Jerk him off,” Evan commands.
James isn’t sure if it’s meant for him or Barty, but it doesn’t stop him from rising to his knees and taking a hand out of Evan’s thighs in search of Barty, it doesn’t take him long to wrap his hand around Barty’s leaking cock, who’s doing the same to James’s, Barty’s grip so hard James fears he’s gonna cum on the spot.
His movements are awkward due to the angle and half his attention is on Evan’s cock and the other half on the pleasure he’s getting from the hand wrapped around his dick. James groans, there’s too much happening around him, Evan looks sinful with his hard abs contracting with the strength it takes to fuck up into James’s mouth, Regulus is lost on his pleasure, head thrown back and mouth open in long moans that urge them all to go faster.
James feels like he’s losing his mind, there’s too much stimulation, he can feel it building inside of him and then Regulus is coming inside Barty’s mouth and James can’t stop himself from toppling over the edge, body shuddering in pleasure and eyes closing in pure bliss. He barely notices when Evan comes on his face or when Regulus and Barty clean it off him with eager mouths.
***
Barty finds them a vampire club, a place where all the humans know vampires exist and willingly go offer their blood up in hope of one day being turned into one. It feels like paradise on earth for James. They have free unlimited access to blood and there’s no need to hide. They practically lived in the place after finding out about it, Regulus had always known they existed, but apparently, they hadn’t frequented one in years and the locations changed frequently in vampire years — as in every few centuries.
It’s the beginning of the end.
Their descent into hell.
The first time is innocuous enough, it isn’t that different from their encounter in any other club, except they don’t have to hide in a back alley to feed, they do it in the middle of the dance floor. Barty and James feed from one while Evan and Regulus feed from another human, directly in front of them. As soon as they are done James got his mouth on Evan’s, a different kind of blood pooling inside their mouths and making James moan in pleasure, they’re both just as good, but the one on Evan’s mouth has a sharper taste to it, James doesn’t know what the person was on — nor does he care — but it’s delicious.
The longer they stay there, the more they forget how it is to act around humans. They forget how to pretend. Forget how to care about meaningless, timeless beings when they are eternal. There’s no one to stop them. Everyone around them joins in on the debauchery. They move from the open club to the more strict closed room, the ones meant for the trusted few who go there frequently enough that the owners know they will be up for it. That they’ll keep it a secret.
The first time James enters it he’s high off his mind, he’s pretty sure the person he drank from had injected something in their vein, he’s never felt anything like it before. It’s amazing. James laughs. He never thought he’d be able to feel like that again. Happy. Barty is practically bouncing in place from excitement, James has no idea what he’s doing, but he bets he isn’t that far behind.
It doesn’t take him long to realise it’s a private sex room, not when Evan demands they strip, none of them waste any time. James has never done anything in public before, but he’d follow Evan’s orders to the end of the world. If he said jump, James would ask how high. That’s how devoted to him he is. How devoted they all are. To never even think to question his decisions.
The first time they fuck in there the only witnesses are the humans they are drinking from. The second time a straight couple follows them. By the third time they’ve acquired a crowd. People who are willing to get their hands dirty. People begging to be the ones they drink from. And others seeking to get into the depravity. Evan doesn’t allow them to touch any other vampires — much to the vampires' disappointment — James doesn’t care though. He’s more than happy to kiss his partners, bite their victims and fuck the ones he loves while watching everyone else around him do the same. He indulges.
James' sense of time gets worse, he loses count of how many times they’d been there, of how many times he’s had Barty’s dick in his mouth while he drinks from someone else. How many times Evan fucks him into the cushions while James feeds deliriously. He doesn’t forget how Regulus feels around him, though. So tight James feels he might feel even more pleasure than when he’s drinking. It’s a close call. James has no energy to compare. Not when he’s so lost in all of the sensations he feels half out of his mind.
He’s not present anymore. His body is acting while his mind is on cloud nine. All he feels is pleasure upon pleasure. To the point where he isn’t sure he can get any higher than that. He keeps thinking he can’t feel better than that but then it happens again and again and every time it feels so much better than last time. James fears he might burst. There’s no other place for the pleasure to go to except outside of his skin. He fears next time they bite him they’ll take his life essence with them. He doesn’t think he would mind. If he is meant to die then it ought to be in the hands of those he loves. James doesn’t want to go any other way.
***
James has never felt so free in his life. For a time he thought he would never get to hold his boyfriend's hands in public let alone kiss them. Now, he has Barty inside of him, pressing him against the side of the couch every time he thrusts, making James’ mouth jerk when he’s trying to drink from a man who’s sitting on it. His blood tastes so good James doesn’t even mind the interruptions, besides Barty feels amazing, his weight draped against James’ back so strong he can’t help but melt in his grip. Regulus is drinking from the man’s other side while Evan fucks him, never straying from the protective bubble Evan created around them, always snapping at any vampire trying to get too close while they’re all too lost in their own pleasures.
***
James learns to distinguish the different types of drugs people ingest, cocaine makes them taste saltier while heroin makes their blood sweeter. This one has a mixture of sweetness with something savoury that he hasn’t tried before. Evan is watching them sitting on the couch with his legs spread wide open, enjoying the show they’re putting on for him, cock straining against his sweatpants while he observes Barty and Regulus make a show of sucking James’ cock.
As if that stimulation wasn’t enough he has someone’s arm in his mouth, swallowing their blood and restraining his moan every time one of them licks the underside of the head or when Barty starts fingering Regulus at the same as he swallows James’ cock. The sight alone is enough to make James feel like he's about to explode.
***
Evan’s hands keep James face down on Regulus’ neck as he thrusts inside of him, James moans, teeth elongating, he can’t stop himself from biting Regulus’ neck, he groans loudly when James starts sucking his blood greedily while Barty fucks Regulus into the couch, shoving him over and over into James waiting mouth, until Evan pulls him away by the back of his neck and forces him to share, kissing James hungrily and swallowing the blood and spit in his mouth. James groans into his mouth, half a complaint from having to share and half from all the pleasure and stimulation. Evan slaps his ass in retribution at the same as he fucks him, James whines deep in his throat, begging to be let out, to have just another sip.
“You need to learn how to share, Jamie.” James doesn’t want to, not when he has everything he needs in arms reach. “We’ll be here until you do.”
That is not the incentive Evan thinks it is, James never wants to leave. Not when he can have all the blood and sex he wants — that Evan allows him to have.
“Please,” James begs, he thinks that might make him give in, Evan does love it when they ask him nicely.
“You look so pretty when you beg,” Evan tells him sweetly, kissing him again and then finally allowing him to bite Regulus again.
James moans. This feels like true happiness. James never wants to get off this high.
***
He doesn’t know how long it has passed when he wakes up in a fog of limbs and blood. James feels strangely hollow in a way he hasn’t in a long time. It's as if he knows what’s about to happen, that his entire world is about to crumble beneath his unsteady feet.
James doesn’t realise what’s happening at first. He sees a head of luscious black hair and amazing piercing eyes and he thinks Regulus got up from where he’d been lying on Barty's chest and decided to join them again, except when he looks down, Regulus is still there. Blood drying on his cheeks and chest, open mouth with drool against Barty who looks even more of a mess than usual. There isn’t just blood on him, James is pretty sure someone's organs are lying between Barty’s and Evan’s bodies. James fears he might throw up. He’s more sober than he’s been in weeks. Months. Years. He’s not sure.
“James.”
It’s all he needs to curl in on himself. As if he isn’t already realising what happened around him, Sirius's voice brings him out of it so suddenly James feels like he’s falling and falling endlessly in a pit of despair and self-loathing. It all comes back to him at once. They bordering him on a plane with a bottle full of blood that tasted like nothing he’d ever felt before, it had been the only way they’d gotten him to withstand the presence of so many humans in such a close space, he remembers how it clouded his brain and how it almost wasn’t enough when James claimed he needed the bathroom and almost bit the air attendant. If not for Barty following him and convincing him to join the mile-high club — not that it took much convincing, James was more than willing the moment Barty got his hands and mouth on him.
“Stand up.”
James does it in a trance, Sirius voice is like a lighthouse calling out to him like his last salvation. As soon as he’s close enough Sirius is pulling him on his body and squeezing so hard James fears he might snap his ribs. James doesn’t even have the time to reciprocate it, he wasn’t expecting it, it was the last thing he thought Sirius would do to him once they finally met again. And yet, it’s what James needed from him. To allow himself to settle in Sirius’s embrace and relax. To feel completely understood even if he doesn’t comprehend himself.
He remembers how they kept him pliant with blood and sex. The worst part of it is that James knows he is the one who asked for it. He had been so desperate to be better. To be able to enjoy life with them he begged them to give it to him, no matter the consequences. And give they did. They’d done their best. Worst. James isn’t sure if he quite likes the consequences now that he feels like he can think more properly.
He hates that Sirius is seeing him like this and that might be the biggest reason why his brain forced himself to come out of his fog. He couldn’t allow Sirius to see him as a monster. Not again. Except James had become the monster Sirius feared he would be in their hands. A monster of their own creation. Designed for them. James had felt so proud of himself at the time. Now he isn’t so sure.
What have I done?
It’s the only thing that goes through his mind the entire time Sirius hugs him and holds him more firmly when James' legs threaten to give out. Sirius holds both of their weights, as he’s done for many years when James didn’t have the strength to hold himself up after his parents' death. He hates that Sirius is there and he’s never been more thankful for his presence. James needs him how he’s never needed before. How he needed him in their apartment that night.
“Let me get you out of here.”
James nods numbly, following Sirius's lead out of the dark room. It feels like deja vu, except this time around he does look back. They’re still lying all over each other in a mess of limbs, corpses and blood. James hates the sight of it and yet he wishes he never had woken up from the fog in his mind. Wishes he could’ve stayed there forever with them. Fears he is always fated to end there with them. When he walks away James leaves more than half of his heart behind. He would’ve never been able to walk away from them if it hadn't been for Sirius's guiding hand. James appreciates it and hates him for it just the same.
James is caught by surprise when he sees Remus waiting for them outside, he doesn’t look surprised to see the state James is in, he’s thankful for that, Sirius must've warned him beforehand.
“All right, mate?”
James laughs, it comes out hollow and it hurts his throat. He’d never heard a sound so raw coming out of him before.
“Let’s go,” it’s all Sirius says.
They follow.
James would follow him anywhere.
Even as his best friend is leading him away from the men he loves.
***
They don’t speak until they’re back at Sirius's place, they didn’t speak on both Uber rides or the plane or on the seedy motel room Sirius got to clean James up before anyone could see the state of him. Or when Sirius force-fed him unadulterated blood to see if his pupils would go back to normal, to see if his brain would go back to working appropriately. James notices the world coming back around him slowly, the more he drinks normal blood. It doesn’t taste as good as anything James had been having for the last few months, but it still sustains him, it brings him more clarity of mind than he’s had in a long while.
It’s only after they’ve settled from the trip that Sirius tells him to go to sleep. James does. It’s a relief when his mind finally gives out. Except his dreams come out to haunt him as they tend to do when James gains his conscience back.
James sees them. Red eyes and fangs full of blood. Decimating a city. Killing everyone in their wake to try and find him. James tries to go to them if only to make them stop — because he already misses them. His heart calls out to theirs. Bleeding. Begging to be back in their midst. But Sirius holds him back. His grip is strong, James can’t get out of it, no matter how much he fights against it.
He wakes up in a cold sweat. He fears he’s back to those months in the apartment when he couldn’t move out of bed, but reality isn’t kind enough to him. James realises the different curtains, the different bedsheets and the colours of the room. He’s at Sirius’s place. James isn’t sure how he got there.
James' body crinkles painfully when he finally acquires the strength to get up, his bones protesting each step he takes in the direction of the kitchen. Sirius and Remus are waiting for him with his favourite breakfast and the smell of coffee in the air. James could weep. He refrains. Doubts it would make him feel better about the situation, he doesn’t want to delay the conversation he knows they need to have and until they do the air will keep constricting around his lungs, making his breathing shallow and his chest feel like it’s about to burst with the tension in the room.
“You should eat,” Remus offers. “I’ve got your favourite.”
“Thanks,” James' voice barely comes out of his strangled throat. Remus pours him a cup of coffee and James grabs it with trembling fingers, Sirius’s gaze above his tea cup isn’t helping with his nerves.
James tries to swallow the food but it feels like it’s stuck in his throat, he takes a drink of the coffee to make it go down but it does nothing to help when Sirius won’t stop staring. It’s the first time James looks at him and doesn’t know what he’s thinking. Doesn’t know what to expect. He hates it. James has always felt like he could read Sirius' mind and vice-versa, he feels out of place, it’s more disconcerting than becoming a vampire.
Sirius doesn’t speak until James is done forcefully eating a food that used to bring him joy and make him more willing to get on with his day. Now it doesn’t taste any better than the soles of his shoes. And when Sirius does speak what comes out of his mouth is the last thing James ever expected to hear, he’s pretty sure he’s never heard Sirius uttering those words before.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” he chokes on the last sip of his coffee.
“I’m sorry, James,” Sirius drops his cup too. Eyes so wide and blue James feels like he could be swallowed by them, he hopes it allows him to get a glimpse into Sirius's mind. “I don’t think you’re a monster. I never did. You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”
James has tears running down his face before he can ever register what’s happening. It’s exactly what he needed to hear and it coming from Sirius means so much more than if it had come from anyone else. It is also the last thing he expected to hear considering the situation Sirius had found him in.
“Even after I…?”
“Even then.”
“I—” James chokes on his tears. He can’t keep it in, not when this is the most relieved he’s felt after turning into a vampire. Sirius's opinion of him is more valuable than anyone else’s could ever be. Even more than James' himself. His entire adult life when he didn’t believe in himself, Sirius did. James needs him. Needs him to believe in him. Believe that James can still be the same. That he can still be good. That what he did doesn’t take away from who he is. Who he can become.
James doesn’t even realise when Sirius comes to his side of the table and holds him, James allows his body to relax in the embrace and allows himself to break down in the arms of the person who’s held him the longest. Who has had his back when James needed it the most. James doesn’t know for how long he cries, but his body is shaking when he can’t produce any more tears, he feels like a weight has come off his shoulders.
“I’m sorry too.”
Sirius takes James’s head out of his shoulder by his chin to allow himself to look into his eyes, but he doesn’t step away, doesn’t stop holding him. “What would you have to be sorry for?” he cleans James' face. “You did nothing wrong. It’s their fault.”
James freezes. “It’s not their fault.”
“James—”
“No, it was me, Sirius. I did this.”
“You wouldn’t have if they hadn’t influenced you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. I know you.”
“Do you honestly think I wouldn’t have eventually become a vampire if I hadn’t met them?” James laughs humorlessly. “I wouldn’t have let you live without me, I would’ve found someone else to turn me, if you refused. We both knew how this would end eventually. Either with both of us dead or as vampires and I know what my choice would be, Sirius. Can you honestly say you would’ve chosen otherwise?”
“I—” Sirius' eyes fill with tears, he looks so vulnerable James doesn’t stop his instinct of stepping closer and resting his forehead against Sirius’. “I couldn’t watch you die. Not ever.”
“There’s your answer then.”
“Still, they didn’t need to turn you into their vampire prodigy. There are other ways to learn.”
James still hasn’t learned how not to defend them. “I fear this is the only way they know how.”
Sirius doesn’t disagree. “Things can’t keep going like they were, though. It’s not sustainable, not long term.”
“I know.”
“Did it help?”
“What?”
“The ‘immersive therapy’.” That is one way of calling it.
“I don’t know. I don’t think I will until I feed again.”
“Remus is here, do you feel like jumping his bones?”
James laughs wetly and shoves him. “Not particularly, no.”
“That’s good. But if you’re not there yet, I’ll help. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you before, I never wanted… I never wanted you to feel like I turned my back on you.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I didn’t,” when he sees the hurt look on James' face he backtracks. “I meant I never thought you were a monster, not once, James,” he says his name so softly James melts into him. “I could never, you— you are the light of my life. The day I met you was the first time I felt I was alive, it was when I realised there was a reason why I was immortal, why I hadn’t been able to take my own life before. I was always waiting for you.”
James feels his heart swelling with so much love he doesn’t know what to do with it, he has the strange urge of trying to merge himself into Sirius' skin so that they can finally become one. And yet, something is holding him back.
“Then why did you say it?” He can’t imagine Sirius would say something just for the sake of hurting him.
“I was projecting,” he shakes his head with a look that could only be called self-deprecating. “It’s no surprise to you I’ve always thought vampires were monsters. Because of how my family was, because of what they turned me into. I spent so many years hating myself for it, for the hunger I felt. For the need to hunt and let myself get lost in it. I believed I was a monster because of it. I thought all vampires were.”
“What changed?”
“Remus did,” Sirius indicates his boyfriend with his head. James had forgotten he was still there.
James can’t help his surprise. “Remus?”
“Yeah,” Sirius smiles fondly. “He pulled my ear after he found out what happened.”
“Metaphorically,” Remus points out just as fondly.
“How?” It’s the only word that comes out of his mouth.
“I told him it was hypocritical of him to love me as a werewolf when he couldn’t love himself as a vampire.”
Oh. Sometimes James forgets Remus is a werewolf, it’s not something that comes out in day-to-day conversations.
“We had an entire discussion on what it means to be a vampire and a werewolf, on how it changes you as a person.”
“He was under the impression werewolves could control themselves when they turned.” Remus shakes his head in exasperation. “As if I haven’t spent years trying to fight the instincts to hunt, locking myself up so I wouldn’t hurt any more people,”
“But you hurt yourself in the process.” Sirius points out.
“I’d rather hurt myself a thousand times than wake up to find out I hurt anyone else.”
James understands the sentiment, he knows Sirius does too, but as Remus’s boyfriend James is fairly sure Sirius would do anything to stop his pain. It’s funny how morals work. How they twist and change when it comes to people you care about. James would know. He’s been throwing all his morals in the air ever since he met them.
“I’d rather you don’t hurt yourself,” Sirius says pointlessly.
Remus smiles at him sadly. “I’m afraid it’s not something you can control.”
“I’ll find a way, I told you.”
“I’ve been searching for a cure for years, Sirius. There isn’t one.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know you’ve been searching for a cure to vampirism for years and have come up with nothing, why would werewolves be any different?”
James knew about Sirius' quest and had even tried to help before he met Regulus, Barty and Evan, despite preferring that Sirius accepted himself as he was. James knows it’s not an easy task, he’s happy Sirius doesn’t see himself as a monster anymore and that Remus helped him with it, even if James was never able to do the same for him.
“It doesn’t need to be a cure, though. We can find an alternative. I will find one,” Sirius promises. James knows he’ll do anything he can to assure it.
“What about turning into a vampire?” James suggests. “That ought to stop the transformations, right?”
Sirius pauses thoughtfully. “I haven’t considered it yet, I’d have to go through my family’s old collection to see if there’s anything about it there.”
“Well, it’s a fifty-fifty chance anyway, I’ll either be turned into a freak mixture of both or it will work.”
“Or you’ll die.” James can’t stop himself from pointing it out.
Both of his friends turn to him with incredulous looks on their faces, “Seriously?”
James raises his hands innocently. “I mean it needed to be said.”
“It really didn’t.” Sirius scowls.
“It’s fine,” Remus laughs and fills his cup with more tea. “He’s got a point.”
“Well, we won’t do anything until we’re sure of the outcome,” Sirius assures himself seeming more preoccupied with it than Remus is.
“Of course, I’d like to get a look at your family’s collection too.”
“We’d need to reach Reggie for that,” Sirius carefully looks at James. “If you’re ready to see them, that is.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” James shrugs.
“James,” Sirius has that tone again.
“Yeah,” James pretends to be none-the-wiser.
“Don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
Sirius holds his hand to catch his attention again. “Avoid what happened.”
“I’m not.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I know we need to talk, but I don’t even know if they’re back yet.”
“Oh, they’re back,” Sirius says darkly.
“How do you know?” James frowns.
“They came after you last night, they were just a few hours behind us, but I told them to wait until we talked and until you were ready to talk to them.”
“Oh,” James' heart gets warmer knowing they came after him immediately. “I’m glad you didn’t get into a fight.”
Remus snorts, tea flying everywhere. James freezes, turning to Sirius for an explanation, a part of him doesn’t even want to know what transpired between them.
“We didn’t fight,” Sirius reassures him, but upon Remus' scolding look he amends, “There were some threats made.”
“But you didn’t hurt them?”
“Really?” Sirius scowls. “They were in three against one and you’re worried about them?”
“Two,” Remus corrects.
“Well, I can see you, I know you’re alright.”
“Evan and Remus stopped any altercation,” Sirius admits.
“Thanks,” James directs it at Remus who nods.
“Do you really feel ready to see them?”
James stops to think about it this time, he’s unsure if he understands everything that happened and he still feels a little numb in regards to all of it. Perhaps talking to them and getting some answers will help clear the fog in his mind. Sure, Sirius's presence is an eye-opener for him and the clear blood managed to make him see things more clearly, but it hasn’t undone everything that the drugs did to his brain. James still feels out of it. But most of all he misses them like one might miss a limb. He hasn’t been a night apart from them in years, James has forgotten how to function without them by his side.
“I’m ready.”
***
James doesn’t need to knock. It’s been his apartment for years and yet he still feels the need to announce his presence, as if their vampire hearing hasn’t already caught him lingering on the other side of the door. James can feel their presence too, hear when they notice him and all hold their breaths in anticipation, how their hearts started beating faster just like his did. As if even from a distance they were trying to beat in sync. Calling out to each other. Always wanting to be together. James understands the sentiment. He never wants to be apart from them either, but they need to sort some things out first.
James takes a deep breath and opens the door. He’s greeted by all three of them standing in the living room with bated breaths waiting for him. Evan looks just as calm as he always does, but James notices the nervous tick in his jaw, whereas Barty is much more obvious with the constant bouncing on his feet and the way too wide eyes look, and Regulus holds himself uncharacteristically still until he squirms a little in place and then remembers himself as if the perfect posture had been stilled in him and he goes back to his rigid state. They all have their tells and James spent years learning each one of them.
“James,” Evan is the first one to speak, the word comes out full of relief.
“We were worried about you,” Regulus says, taking a small step closer to him, testing to see if James will take a step back. He doesn't. James doesn’t have the strength to walk away from them another time, the only reason he managed to before was because he had Sirius's guiding hand.
“I was worried about you too,” it’s the first thing James says. “I’m glad to see you’re alright.”
“Why would we… Oh. Sirius.” Barty realises.
“He told you?” Regulus frowns.
“More or less.”
“What did he say?” Evan questions.
“That there was no physical fighting,” James says, hoping that it’s the truth.
“There wasn’t,” Regulus reassures him.
“Not by any lack of trying,” Barty grumbles, crossing his arms on his chest, his biceps flexing in a way that makes James have to look away.
“Not helping,” Evan glares at him.
“He stole him away from us.” Barty turns his furious eyes to him, daring him to argue.
“We weren’t doing a good job of helping him.” Evan points out.
“We were doing just fine.”
“We lost control,” Regulus admits.
“We followed the plan,” Barty defends himself.
“Your plan maybe, but we were supposed to help him, not indulge in our vices,” Evan remembers.
“What was the plan, then?” James interrupts their argument. “If that wasn’t it.”
“We wanted to desensitize you to blood and human life,” Regulus admits. “Give you so much of it you’d stop caring about it, we wanted it to have no control over you anymore.”
“You mean making me kill people so I wouldn’t care about their lives anymore?”
“I—” Regulus looks at Evan for guidance, but it’s Barty who answers.
“It’s what worked for all of us, after a few years you just stop caring about it, humans come and go, we do not.” Barty shrugs.
James wants to scream or cry, maybe throw something, he doesn’t know what to do with himself, doesn’t know if he can hold it in all the turbulent emotions inside of him.
“You really thought that was going to work?” his voice comes out hoarse. “It didn’t for Sirius.”
“Sirius is an anomaly,” Regulus points out, nose wrinkling in distaste.
“Or you guys are.” James retorts, unable to restrain the urge to defend Sirius.
“Maybe,” Barty concedes. “But it works, with time everyone changes. You can’t hold on to your humanity for long.”
“I mean, you can. But five hundred years can take a toll on you, after you’ve seen everyone you care about die over and over again you have to grow thicker skin, otherwise, you’ll end up trying to kill yourself.” Regulus points out.
“How long did you think it was going to take?” James frowns. “Were we supposed to spend five hundred years drugged out of our minds until you figured I was murdery enough for you?”
“No, of course not.” Regulus' frown never leaves his face.
“It wasn’t like that,” Evan assures him. “We weren’t trying to change you. We love you exactly how you are, but it’s not sustainable for a vampire to be that…”
“Compassionate.” Barty supplies.
“Empathetic to humans,” Regulus adds. “They’re food. We need them to survive, they’re like cattle you know.”
James freezes. “I cannot believe you just said that.”
Barty frowns now too, “He’s not wrong. They’re beneath us, you don’t cry over every fly you have to dispatch.”
“Is that what I was to you, then?” James asks with indignation. “An annoying fly? Fucking cattle for you to feed from?”
“What? No.” They all dare to look surprised by the question, Regulus even looks hurt. “Of course not.”
“Not you.” Evan assures him, “We don’t mean you.”
“Never you.”
“But I was a human, you were one too, it doesn't matter how long ago it was.”
“James—” Evan tries.
“I can’t believe you could feel that way about humans and not about me. What if I hadn’t chosen to change? What if I’d chosen to stay human? Would you have thrown me away too once I didn’t look as young as you?”
“Of course not. We would’ve tried to change your mind, but we would never abandon you.” Barty rushes to say.
Regulus looks like he’s in pain, “We love you, James. We’d never—”
James hates to see him like this, but he can’t stop his tangent, “I find it hard to believe you loved me as a human, though, when you consider them to be so beneath you.”
“It’s not the same, James.” Evan tries to explain. “Not the same at all.”
“You matter,” Barty inflexes. The they don’t is implicit.
“James, baby.” Regulus tries to approach him. James doesn’t step back, but it’s hard to keep himself from moving, he doesn’t want to send a message that he can’t take back so he holds himself painfully still as Regulus cradles his face in his hand. “You have to believe me. I love you, I would love you no matter what. No matter what you chose to be.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” James admits. “You tried to change me.”
“We never wanted you to change who you are, James.” Regulus protests. “We quite like you as you are.”
“Or we wouldn't be having this conversation,” Barty grumbles, but is quickly quietened down by Evan's elbow.
Evan approaches them slowly, “We would never ask you to change, we love you as you are, it wasn't that we didn't like your morals,” Evan has never seemed so frustrated before. “you were not living, James. Hell, you were barely surviving. We were scared.” Evan never needs to raise his voice to assert his dominance so he doesn't frequently do it. But this makes him passionate, it makes a vein pop on his forehead and his face flushes. James is enthralled, he doesn't think he's ever seen him show this much emotion, not even when they're having sex.
“Scared we were going to lose you.” Regulus clarifies when it seems like Evan can't keep going, his voice getting choked up.
“We love you, but you were killing yourself, James and that is a line we'd never let you cross no matter how selfish it makes us,” Barty says the inevitable, what they were all thinking but were too afraid to point out.
James had been slowly killing himself. He wouldn't survive if they let him keep rotting away. They made a choice. They chose him. His life. Regardless of what it took. James couldn't even be upset with them about it, not when he would've done the same if they were in opposite places. James would also never allow one of them to hurt themselves, to rot away when there was so much life yet to be living together. Despite what it entails, travelling with them reminded James of this. He has eternity with them by his side. He needs to let himself enjoy it. No matter the cost.
“Okay,” James concedes. “I understand why you did it, but we can’t keep letting ourselves get away like this.”
“What do you mean?” Regulus asks carefully.
“No going on killing sprees, it doesn't matter why you think it will help. We are in four, we need to keep each other accountable. I understand that sometimes a few of us might stray but if we’re going to spend centuries together at least one of us needs to talk sense in the others, we can’t be all out of our minds. God knows how long we would’ve been there if Sirius hadn’t found us.”
“The goal wasn't to go on a killing spree,” Evan points out. “We wanted you to learn how to drink from humans without killing them, once you have an ample supply you stop draining them because there’s always someone else to drink from.”
“ I figured you'd learn some control after indulging yourself and actually drinking from humans,” Barty argues.
“Did it work?” James is almost too afraid to ask, unsure of which answer he'd prefer, that it had been for nothing or that he did need to go through that to get better.
“It was working. Sure the first few ones were goners but by the end of it, you didn't feel the drive that strongly anymore. You hadn't killed anyone for a week by then.” Evan tells him.
James hates learning this but his body still fills with relief upon knowing it wasn't for nothing. That at least something good had come out of what they'd done. James had been getting better at controlling himself. He needs that win.
“It doesn't help to isolate yourself, you need to frequent places with crowds and be able to not attack anyone, that was always the goal, otherwise we'll have to spend years locked away from humanity and I doubt you'd want that.” Regulus reminds him.
“I understand why you did it but you also need to understand why it can’t happen again, we can’t reach that place again, no matter how good it feels at the moment it will never be worth the downfall.” They look properly chastised now, James is glad that they’re finally understanding the magnitude of what happened. “I’m trusting you guys that this won’t repeat itself.”
“It won’t,” Regulus promises. “Not like this.”
“You can trust us,”
“Always.” Barty amends.
James’ body finally relaxes and they clearly notice because the next thing he knows they’re on him, holding him close and murmuring words of reassurance, telling him how much they missed him and that they never want to be apart from him again. James kisses each one of them and has to hold back tears every time they whisper they love him.
It's only when he steps back that James remembers something. “Sirius offered to move here to help.”
His words cut the mood like a knife, all of their bodies tensing as they protested, “There's no need.”
“Hell no,” Barty scowls.
“No, thanks,” Evan is more polite on his decline.
“It wasn't an offer. He said if I was staying here, so was he.”
“The audacity.” Barty talks at the same time as Evan’s, “How dare he?”
James knew this wasn’t going to go over well with them. “He said he doesn't trust you guys anymore, not after what happened, he said he's in charge of supervising my feedings now.”
“He has no authority here, who does he think he is?” James hadn’t expected Evan to be this upset by it, he knew there was no lost love there, but it had always been Barty who seemed to have a problem with Sirius, which is easily proven by Barty’s cursing. “That motherfucker.”
“I would hope not,” Regulus grumbles.
“Very easy for him to want to see all our progress and then claim credit for it.”
“Oi, this is something else we need to talk about,” James interrupts. “There will be no Sirius bashing in this house, he's my best friend and he's Regulus' brother, we're all spending eternity with him.”
“Unfortunately,” Barty groans.
“So we all ought to get along, for your own sake.”
“I don’t give a—”
“For me then,” James turns to Barty. “Do it for me.”
Barty lets all the air out of his lungs at once, his shoulders dropping in defeat. “Fine, but I will not be silenced if he runs his mouth.”
“Wouldn't expect anything different from you.” Keeping Barty shut would be a miracle unless you were shoving your cock inside his mouth and even then he’d find a way to become a nuisance. “But no fighting.”
“Oh, I'm gonna make him wish he didn't come here,” his smile promises retaliation.
“Barty.”
“What? I mean this in the most innocent way possible.”
“There's never been anything innocent about you.” Regulus laughs. “I would know.”
“Yes, there was,” Barty frowns in fake offence.
“Really?” Regulus’ tone is so dry James has to hold in his giggle. “When?”
Barty gives him his most serious look, before coming up with the most ridiculous thing he could think of. “When I was in my mother’s belly.”
Regulus makes a disapproving sound with his tongue. “That doesn't count.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Shut the fuck up or I’m taking Sirius's side on your fights.”
Barty gasps dramatically. “You wouldn't dare.”
“Try me.” Regulus raises one eyebrow in challenge, he looks so good James has to restrain his urge to jump in his arms.
“Spiteful little shit,” Barty looks just as fond as James feels.
“You love it,” his smile is full of mirth.
And then Barty’s running after Regulus. Their bodies collide as they trip over a new lamp and kiss against the glass shelves making James fear everything will go down due to their strength. It warms James' heart, it reminds him of why he’d missed them so much. Every second with them is worth any heartache.
He only deviates his gaze when Evan steps closer to him. “Are you feeling better?
“Yes,” he answers carefully.
“How's the head?” he caresses James' forehead, Evan’s finger going down his face until he’s holding his chin.
“Never had any complaints,” James answers cheekily, trying to avoid Evan’s prying eyes.
“I would know,” Evan’s lip twitches, but his eyes remain concerned. “Now answer me properly.”
“Doesn't hurt,” he assures.
“I mean your brain. Do you feel settled?”
James raises an eyebrow, finally realising what he’s asking. “After all the drugs? Yes.”
“I’m sorry,” Evan has the good sense of looking sheepish.
James can't say it's okay because it isn't. They can't do this again, he stuck his foot on the sand and established a boundary. He hopes that they stick to it, that they respect him enough to not go against his wishes when they know that nothing would happen if they did it again because there's no way in hell that James is ever leaving them. No matter what they do. The worst part is that they know it, know that James loves them so much there’s nothing he wouldn’t look past to be with them. That's the amount of power they have over him.
And if James did ever decide to leave they've proved again and again that they would follow, no matter the country he found himself in, they wouldn’t be far behind. James doesn't want it any other way. He loves them for it. He loves them despite it.
James is startled by Evan's lips on him, but it takes one second for him to relax and settle in his arms. Melting in his embrace and allowing himself to feel better in his presence. Evan has a particular way of kissing that is maddening, it makes everyone want to run over the walls. He likes to go tortuously slowly, to make them beg for more until he’s willing to give it to them.
This is different. Now he opens up under James’ lips like he’s opening another part of himself for James, it has him feeling so much love he trembles in his embrace. Evan allows himself to be vulnerable and James does not take it for granted. It's raw in a way he's not used to. James loves it.
It's weird to think he's been with them for so many years — to his still human mentality — and that he's still able to uncover pieces of them every day, new things he finds out that just make him love them even more. That allows them all to get to know each other on a deeper level because they trust each other intrinsically. James has never been so grateful. And then Barty and Regulus are joining them. Both crave the intimacy and vulnerability that they are showing. Craving to be a part of it, to feel the love and to show it back. It's admirable. James is so glad he can be with them again.
Sure, their time travelling had been amazing, something out of a fever dream, but that was the thing, it felt like a dream, like something that another James did. A more free one, a careless one. But here with them, now that he is sound of mind James can affirm that there is nothing like being in the present with them. He wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.
***
Sirius' presence brings as much discord as James thought it would but it brings him just as much comfort. The first time they feed him again is by a blood bag, Sirius wants to make sure all the drugs are out of his system before they start working on his endurance with humans. It takes two more feedings until James' blood is completely drug-free and his brain finally goes back to normal.
It’s a relief and a curse.
Without the fog in his mind, everything he did comes back to him at once, his only salvation is that it does feel like it hadn’t been James who did all of those things, his mind was in such a whirlwind that it feels fractured. It was as if he'd been someone else when all of that happened as if his brain had been floating around and his body was acting on autopilot.
Half of what happened is filled with a numb fog in his brain, James can only access those memories by the look of others, he’s never inside of his own body when he sees it which only makes things weirder for him. Seeing his own body doing things he thought he’d never be capable of.
When the crash comes Sirius is by his side. Reassuring him that what he’d done under the effect of the drugs does not reflect on who he is. Barty, Evan and Regulus never leave his side, but even though their presence is reassuring, they don’t understand his struggles as Sirius does.
Regulus considers himself to be superior to humans, Barty indulges in his more primitive urges and Evan has no care for humanity so he enjoys unleashing Barty on them.
James loves them, but they aren’t what he needs to heal, what he needs to get through this. Sirius is. And this time around he has his back the entire time. Perhaps the lack of his presence had been half the reason James couldn’t get things right the last time. Now that he has Sirius by his side he is convinced he can do this. There is nothing he can’t do when he has all four of them with him.
James does break down once he remembers everything, he cries again and this time all four of them dry his tears and reassure him that it wasn’t his fault. James isn’t sure if he believes them, because if he took the blame out of himself he’d have to blame them. Barty for having the idea, Regulus for not caring enough about humans to disagree and Evan for not only supporting them but enjoying it the entire time they were hurting others and James can’t — can’t let himself go there, he understands why they did what they did and he loves them despite of it, but it doesn’t stop the resentment he feels sometimes.
The burning feeling in the pit of his stomach when he remembers the taste of a different blood on his mouth, but that feeling goes away when they look at him, when Barty makes a ridiculous joke and Regulus giggles hiding his face in the crook of James neck, when Evan hugs him from behind while James is trying and failing to cook, when they touch him and remind him why he fell in love with them in the first place. James always knew who they were. It never stopped him from loving them. It never will.
There are good and bad days.
On the bad days, he stays in bed until one of them forces him out. Sometimes Barty makes him exercise with him, a few days they go for a run in abandoned parks with the presence of the others to make sure James won’t attack any unsuspecting human that is unlucky enough to stumble upon them. On others, they spar in one of the free rooms since they all sleep in the same room and Regulus’ old room ends up serving as Sirius’ abode for now, Evan says it’s good to release energy, that he needs the hormones that come with it.
Sparring Barty always ends up with him fucking James into the mattress, it feels so good he doesn’t even complain when he loses, tears of joy coming out of his eyes every time he closes his eyes in bliss. Very rarely does he get the upper hand on him, usually when Evan distracts him enough to get James to roll them around and get on top of him.
Sometimes James spars Sirius too, but he doesn’t go nearly as easy on him as the others do. It feels like play-fighting with your brother and in a way they are, but James avoids talking about it near Regulus. The brother’s relationship is better now, but there’s still too much resentment there for James to openly joke about his relationship with Sirius. He would never throw it in Regulus' face how much closer they grew over the years that Sirius left him.
On the bad days when they don’t force him into activity, Regulus lays on the couch in the middle of his legs. He lies his head on James' chest and reads for him with his melodic voice, which makes him sight in content. Every other voice inside his brain shuts down to make space for Regulus. His shining light. Who manages to erase the images of his nightmares with the pretty pictures he paints with his words.
Evan never misses an opportunity to cuddle him on the couch — unless Barty has him occupied otherwise, either for sex or to get in the middle of a fight between him and Sirius — they all like to lay down to watch a movie or the new episode of their favourite TV shows. Still, Sirius complains when they start getting too handsy on their cuddling, claiming he never needs to see his brother and best friend like that, he also laments a lot about missing Remus — not that he doesn’t frequently visit him or vice-versa — to which Barty promptly answers that he should go home then. It usually ends with them arguing, but James can’t have it all in life, he’s just thankful they’re all there for him.
On the good days, they go out to try his restraint. They start small, by walking on the streets and then going grocery shopping at a time when the supermarket is almost empty, all four of them watching him like a hawk when he interacts with people or anyone is standing too close in line. James struggles with it at first, the smell is almost too much, the sound of their heartbeat louder than anything else around them.
With time he learns that if he drinks from a blood bag before leaving the house he can hold out longer before the urge starts becoming unbearable and his jaw starts aching, his teeth elongating without his permission.
James gets good at restraint. All he has to do is remind himself of the bodies they left in their wake during their trip and instead of hunger all he feels is sick to his stomach. It’s not a healthy way to deal with it, but it works when he’s desperate enough to go there. When he fears he’s about to attack someone in the middle of the park, even though he knows they would stop him since he made them all promise him they wouldn’t allow him no matter what he tried, no matter if they would have to hurt him in the process. Regulus and Evan had exchanged a look at that, but Sirius had promised and Barty nodded grimly. They were yet to be tested. James’ techniques were proving to be fruitful, he hadn’t allowed himself to be too long in a closed space with people, like going to the movies, but he is slowly getting better, even Sirius had said it. The more time passes the longer he can stay near humans without going out of his mind.
“I think it’s time for you to start drinking from humans again,” it’s Barty who suggests it after four months of progress.
“What? Why?” Sirius frowns at him from where he’s lying on the couch.
“Because we already know he can control himself around humans, it’s not tempting enough anymore, he needs to be able to drink just enough to sustain himself without killing anyone, isn’t that the goal?”
“Why can’t I just drink from blood bags forever?” James scowls, he has gotten used to how things are, he's in his comfort zone.
“Because hospitals nearby might start getting suspicious,” he gives him a look. “This is not as easy to get by as you might think.”
“Oh,” James hadn’t considered that before.
“Still, he can take as much time as he wants to try it again,” Sirius debates.
For once Regulus agrees with him, “Yeah, it can be traumatic for him after everything that happened, perhaps it would be better to take more time.”
They all turn to Evan to see his opinion on it, he’s usually the voice of reason between them, the middle ground. “James has gotten so much better in so little time, I understand why it would be smart to try new things, we don’t want him so used to the bags he’ll have more difficulty drinking from humans again, but it hasn't been that long at all. Four months is nothing in the grand scheme of things, in the end, it depends on whether you feel ready or not, sweetheart,” he turns to James.
James isn’t sure if he likes being the one to make decisions for himself, especially when he doesn’t know if he’s ready or not. He prefers to accept that they know better since they’ve lived so much longer and just go along with their ideas, but look where that had gotten him last time — in a vampire orgy.
“I… I’m not sure,” he admits. “I don’t feel ready, but I doubt I ever will.”
“Do you want to just bite the bullet?” Regulus frowns.
“It might be for the better,” he turns a grave look on them, needing to hear them promise again. “But I’m only doing it if you promise you’ll stop me this time, no matter what.”
“James,” Barty reproaches.
“No, I don’t want to hear it,” he raises a hand to stop their protests. “I’m not saying kill me if you have to, but I’m never doing this again if you don’t promise you will try everything to stop me from killing someone.”
The three of them exchange a heavy look, but Sirius’ eyes never leave James’. “I promise,” he says.
James believes him. He sights in relief, forever thankful that his best friend is there by his side. Both of them turn to the others, waiting to see what conclusion their silent argument reaches, it takes a few more minutes before they finally look at them.
“We’re not causing any damage to you,” it’s Evan who speaks, “but we will restrain you, even if you try to hurt us in the process.”
James wants to protest, to say that he would never, but he knows he can’t promise that, he knows he won’t act like himself, James can only hope the time he has spent with them working on his endurance will make things better this time around.
“Don’t let me hurt you,” James asks instead.
“James,” Regulus protests, “I fear that’s not something we can promise.”
“You can promise you’ll try,” he argues. “That at least one of you will take care of making sure I don’t hurt any of you beyond what’s expected.”
Evan concedes. “Okay, we’re in four this time around, they’ll restrain you and I’ll pull them away if things get too far and exchange places in case it’s necessary.”
“Thanks,” James gets up to hug him, eyes welling up in gratitude, he’ll never get tired of how well Evan takes care of them, in all senses, he lets James rest his head on his neck, to breathe him in for as long as he desires, Evan squeezes him closer when James almost takes a step back, kissing his forehead affectionately.
James feels Barty enveloping him from behind, “You alright, sweetheart?” he whispers against the back of James’ neck, who nods and tries to suppress the shiver that runs through his body.
Regulus doesn’t take long to join them after having a whispered conversation with Sirius who makes himself scarce as quickly as he can. Regulus hugs all three of them from the side, nuzzling his face into James’ cheek like an affectionate cat.
James hums in contentment, he doesn’t know how long they stand like that, but it replenishes his energies, it makes him believe that they can do anything as long as they’re together.
***
James sits on the couch opposite the women they brought to the apartment, Regulus and Sirius on each side of her while Barty and Evan sit by his side. James doesn’t ask how they got her to agree, but Sirius reassures him she’s there out of her violation. It doesn’t do much to help with his nerves.
“Everything will be alright,” Regulus reassures him.
James wants to believe him so badly, but he hates waiting, not knowing how he’s going to react once he starts drinking.
“Are you ready?” Evan asks him with a hand on the back of his neck for support.
“You don’t have to do this,” Sirius reminds him. “Not now at least.”
“If there’s one thing we aren't, it's running out of time,” Regulus agrees.
James considers it. Backing out, but then he’d be here again in a few months, going through the nerves and anxiety all over again. He’d rather get through it as fast as he can.
“I’m ready,” he tries to sound confident.
Barty squeezes his thigh. “Where do you want to do this?”
James isn’t sure, so he turns to Evan, “Perhaps sitting down would be easier for us to hold you,” he suggests.
James nods, “Whatever you guys think is best.”
“Okay, then why don’t you sit there with me and Sirius beside you, while she sits in front of you with Barty behind her, he’ll pull her away in case you start fighting us.”
“I’ll sit behind you,” Evan offers. “To pull you away if necessary.”
That sounds like the best alternative, so James agreed. “Okay.”
They change places, Evan’s heartbeat at James' back is soothing enough that he feels better when the woman nods for him to begin, Evan squeezes his arm in encouragement and James gets closer to her, Regulus pulls her hair to the side to help him, but Evan stops him.
“Perhaps you should start with the wrist,” he suggests. “It will be easier for us to disentangle you in case something happens.”
James appreciates his wording, even if he knows none of them are confident he’ll manage to pull through the first time around it still makes him feel like there’s some hope. The lady offers him her arm and James turns it into his hand so he can press his teeth into the artery, he intended to wait for her to nod again before he bit her, but the moment he has her wrist close to his mouth and he can hear her heartbeat louder than anything else in the room James is done for.
His teeth sink into her before he even realises they are out, the blood tastes different than what he’d been having from humans but it isn’t any less euphoric. It doesn’t cloud his judgment though, that much James can notice, it feels good, he senses everything else around him with much more vigour.
It’s empowering, it reminds him why he would do anything to have it on his lips forever. James has gotten better at drinking it, with no sips escaping his lips as he swallows it greedily. He feels Regulus squeezing his arms, it’s a warning James doesn’t want to hear. It can’t have been that long, he just needs a little more.
“James, that’s enough,” Sirius’ tone is harsher than he’s ever heard.
James wants to tell them he’ll stop, he will, he knows he can, he just needs one more sip.
“James,” Regulus warns.
Just one more and then he’ll stop.
“That’s it, take her off.” Sirius orders.
James trashes around when the brothers try to pull him off, he can’t stop right now, not when it feels this good, he just needs a little bit more. There are hands on his jaw, trying to pry it open, James refuses, he elbows someone in the process of fighting them off.
“Fuck, my nose,” he smells Sirius’ blood, but James is too focused on the blood on his mouth to pay much attention to it. He just needs one more sip. And then Evan’s arms are around his neck in a chokehold, James has to open his lips to try and breathe.
The crash is so sudden he can’t stop the groan that leaves his lips, “Please,” he gasps, tears in his eyes. “Just one more,” he claws at the air in front of him helplessly.
“You can have more,” Regulus promises, grey eyes full of worry. “Next week.”
James can’t stop the jerky movements of his limbs, “Just a sip, I promise I’ll stop.”
“Jamie,” Regulus implores. “You have to stop fighting or you’ll hurt us or worse yourself.”
James can’t. He needs more. But he would never hurt them. He can’t. He can’t stop. He can’t hurt them.
“You need to snap out of it,” Evan squeezes him harder, James can’t breathe.
“You’re hurting him,” Regulus protests.
“He can’t die from lack of air, we’ve tried it before,” Evan breathes against James’s neck.
And then Barty’s throwing cold water in his face at the same time as Evan lets him go. James chokes, spluttering on water and trying desperately to breathe. He still hasn’t lost the instinct of trying to breathe. He needs air more than he needs blood right now. It’s a relief.
Regulus caresses his hair out of his face, “Are you okay?”
James nods, he can still taste the blood on his gums, but not having the woman in the apartment anymore helps with the thirst, not having to smell her or hear her heartbeat. James doesn’t know where Sirius took her, but he trusts him to make sure she’s alright.
“You sure?” Barty looks just as worried, eyes searching his face.
James isn’t okay, but, “I’m better.”
Evan pulls him into his arms again, resting his head against James’ shoulder. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“Thank you,” James lets out. “You did what I asked you to.”
“Still, it brings me no joy to—”
“I know,” James lets his head fall back on Evan’s chest, forcing his body to relax. “I know.”
“It will get better,” Regulus assures him.
“I mean it was already better if you consider last time.”
“Barty.” Evan reprimands him.
“What? It’s the truth,” he shrugs. “This is progress.”
It is, but James takes no relief from it. All it does is bring back all the people he murdered in between. People. Plural. James feels like throwing up all the blood he drank.
“Fuck,” he curses, scratching his eyes until he can’t see anything in front of him.
“Hey,” Barty pries his hands out. “Stop that,” he kisses the back of James’ hands. “Can’t have you clawing out those beautiful eyes.”
James' lips twitch. “Do you think it will ever get better?”
“Of course, it will, love.” Regulus holds his chin gently. “Everyone learns, it just takes time.”
“I know it doesn’t look like it, but you’re doing well, honey,” Evan whispers.
“Believe me, Evan took way longer than that to learn.” Regulus comments.
“Barty was worse.”
“Barty is always worse.” Regulus smiles, even as Barty uses James' hands to try and whack him, Regulus holds onto James' other hand instead.
“I take pride in it,” Barty assures him despite his initial reaction to the jab.
James smiles, he can’t help it, even at the darkest times they can still lighten the mood.
“Thank you,” he tells them.
“You have nothing to thank us for,” Evan assures him.
James does though. He’s thankful for every moment he has with them. Even when it’s bad.
“It will get better?” he has to ask. He needs to hear them say it again.
“It will get better,” Barty gives him what he needs, kissing his fingers again.
“I promise,” Regulus squeezes his hand and Evan nods against his shoulder, dropping a small kiss on his back.
It’s all James can hold himself to.
It will be better.
***
“You’ve kept all these books for centuries?” Remus asks as he looks around Regulus’ makeshift library, it’s the size of their kitchen and living room combined, with books going from the ceiling to the floor.
“Of course,” Regulus shrugs. “I’m sure I’ve gone through a few books on lycanthropy before, just not sure where they’re now, someone” he looks pointedly at Barty. “keeps on messing with my things.”
“Not my fault you have hundreds of antiques stored away.”
“You’re a hoarder, Reggie.” Evan agrees.
“I’d be an awful vampire if I didn’t keep track of things,” he argues. “It’s important to know your history.”
“Besides, it's being useful to us right now, so we should be thankful.” James points out.
“Yes, all hail little Reggie and his endless devotion to our family,” Sirius’ tone is not nearly as playful as he lies lazily in one of the armchairs facing the windows.
Regulus turns a cutting look on him, “Guess you won’t be needing that book then?”
James hasn’t been privy to many of their fights and he has no desire to be. Of course, he’s seen them bickering before, but the tone of this conversation is not nearly as playful, as it never is when it comes to talks about their family.
“Reg,” James pleads.
Regulus turns accusing eyes on him. “He started it.”
“Are you twelve?”
“Sirius,” James turns to him.
Sirius stares at him for an entire minute before he gives up, “Fine,” he gets up from where he’d been sitting, “Let’s find the damn book.”
Even with all their joint effort and the use of their vampiric speed, it takes them hours to go through Regulus’ collection. “Do you remember what the book looked like?” James asks when he finally grows tired of it, his eyes stinging from how fast he’s going through summaries.
“Do you have any idea how many books I’ve read in my entire life?” Regulus asks incredulously.
“Damn,” Remus seems even more impressed. “You could get me to turn into a vampire with that argument alone.”
Sirius doesn’t look happy with his boyfriend's fascination. “Oh, so spending eternity with me is not enough for you? Books are what you would do it for?”
Remus chuckles fondly, “We’ve been over this, darling. I have no desire to become a vampire, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
Sirius doesn’t soften his stance, eyes narrowed as he keeps on searching with renewed motivation. Remus looks like he’s about to say more when Regulus celebrates, “Found it,” he tosses two big old books to Sirius.
“Finally,” Sirius grumbles.
“No need to thank me or anything.”
Sirius rolls his eyes but does look appreciative.
“Why don’t we open a bottle of wine to celebrate?” Evan suggests, probably to get Regulus out of the room while Sirius and Remus read on, also to give them some time alone.
“Works for me,” James agrees easily, even if the wine has never been his beverage of choice, he’s grown a taste for it after trying the fancy bottles they have.
They leave the dusty room to rest in their living room while Evan and Regulus grab the wine and glasses.
“You should let them fight next time,” Barty whispers as if all the other vampires in the house can’t hear him.
“No, thank you.”
“Come on, Jamie.” Barty pouts adorably. “It would be entertaining.”
If it was anything else, James might’ve entertained him, but he doesn’t joke about Regulus and Sirius' relationship.
“Not in the long term.”
Barty snorts, “Yes it would, it’s good to let things out. Nothing that a good fight can’t solve.”
“Some would argue it’s better not to fight.”
“If there wasn’t underlying resentment.”
James frowns, “I thought they’d worked things out.”
“They did, but they’re brothers.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I think it's something that you can only know when you have a sibling.”
“Then how would you know?” James laughs.
“Evan told me.”
“Oh, and everything Evan says is correct,” James teases.
“Damn right it is,” Evan arrives at the right time to agree, offering him a glass, James takes it, letting their fingers brush in thanks.
“Let’s not give him an even bigger head,” Barty protests.
“You could give me another kind of head.” Evan winks at him.
Barty wastes no time getting on his knees in front of him, James startles from his position on their side, looking at the door in worry. “Let’s not do this here.”
“Why not?” Evan opens his legs for Barty, getting more comfortable and throwing his free arm over James' shoulders.
“Because we have guests,” James can’t believe they’re doing this. Or actually, he can, considering how he found them the first time he slept over.
“Never stopped us before,” Barty shrugs, licking his lips in anticipation.
“Not when the guest is my brother,” Regulus argues, giving the other glass in his hand to Barty and then perching sideways on James’ lap so he can rest his legs on top of Evan, his other arm around James' shoulder, hand holding onto Evan’s.
Barty didn’t leave his place on the floor, merely rested his head against Evan’s thigh and tugged Regulus’ feet with his other hand. “Come on, Reggie, he’s been here long enough, it’s past time we ran him out.”
“He’s here to help James.”
“And James is better, so bye-bye Sirius,” Barty waves to the door.
Saying James is better is an overstatement, he hasn’t killed anyone the past four times he fed, but it has been more because of them restraining him than because of his willpower. Turns out James is prone to vices. Who would’ve thought. Not him, that’s for sure.
Their bickering only comes to a stop when Sirius and Remus finally reemerge from the library. “Got any more of those lying around?” Sirius nods towards their glasses.
“Top shelf,” Regulus offers, not bothering to get up from where he’s comfortably lying.
“Want some, Moony?”
Remus scratches his neck with uncertainty, “Sure.”
‘Have a seat,” James offers, Remus is awkward enough when he’s with Sirius, but it’s borderline painful when he has to be away from him in any social interaction.
Remus sits as far away from them as he can in the living room, James tries not to feel offended by it. It’s not like they are doing anything reproachful, or so he thinks, all it takes is one look at Barty to notice he stuck two of Evan’s fingers inside a glass and is now sucking on them while keeping eye contact with Remus who squirms in place, eyes wide, trying to find anywhere else to look.
“For fucks sake, Barty,” Regulus complains, trying to kick at his head, but Barty is quick enough to dodge it with a chuckle.
It’s a good thing Sirius only comes back after they’re done trying to make his boyfriend uncomfortable. “Here,” he offers him a glass and sits beside him on the couch opposite theirs.
“Find anything interesting?” Regulus questions before Remus can give any indication of what went down, not that he would, but James is unsure if Regulus knows that.
“Nothing about a cure,” Remus sighs in his glass and then downs half of it before adding, “Or turning a werewolf into a vampire.”
“What do you know about witches?” Sirius squints at them.
“That they don’t exist,” Barty mocks.
“Not the kind that do spells no,” Regulus agrees. “But there are mediums out there, people more connected to spirits and nature.”
“They tend to know recipes,” Evan supplies. “Some would call them potions or even rituals, they could vary from how to get rid of a cold to how to make someone’s heart stop.”
Sirius looks begrudgingly impressed. “How do you know that?”
“I was raised by a family of them, well at the time they thought only females had the gift so I wasn’t taught anything, but my sister was.”
“You have a sister?” Remus frowns.
Evan gulps the rest of his wine, “Had,” his tone leaves no room for more questions.
“Well, the book says there’s a potion to tame the wolf,” Sirius supplies.
“What does that mean?” James questions.
“It doesn’t say, but it does teach how to make the potion he needs to drink.”
Regulus seems worried by the lack of information. “Are you willing to try?”
“I’d try anything,” Remus says.
“But you don’t know what effects it might have,” Regulus argues.
“Can’t be any worse than the effects I already have.”
They can’t argue with that.
“I’m taking the book,” Sirius informs Regulus.
“As long as you return it,” he shrugs. “In the same conditions you found it, of course,” he narrows his eyes threateningly.
Sirius rolls his eyes in return, “It will be in good hands,” he indicates to Remus with his head, before standing up and finishing his drink, “I’ll have to help him find the ingredients.”
“Yeah, of course.” James agrees.
“I might have to stay until after the full moon, to check if there are any changes.” Sirius moves from one foot to the other anxiously.
James taps Regulus’ hip to indicate for him to get up, he moves to Evan’s lap instead, kicking Barty in the process.
James pays them no mind as he gets up to hold Sirius’ hand. “It’s okay.”
“I said I’d be here for you.” Sirius’ eyes are full of conflict.
“And you were,” James reassures him.
“I can come back when you have to feed.”
James appreciates the offer.
“Not necessary,” Barty’s reply comes muffled but James doesn’t turn around to see what they’re up to.
“It’s okay, I think we got it from here.” James hugs Sirius close, letting his friend feel for himself that there are no hard feelings. James needs to learn how to be okay without him again.
Of course, James would prefer for Sirius to be there on his every feeding, but he knows that if he wants to heal from everything that happened he’ll need to trust the other three to keep him in check, To make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone. Otherwise, everything they’ve been building so far will crumble at their feet the moment there’s a dead body lying in it.
***
The first time James feeds without Sirius goes innocuous enough. James doesn’t kill anyone or hurt them, he manages to hold himself back almost entirely, Evan needing to hold onto him just for a while before he gets clarity of mind. Regulus makes sure the man is safe at a hospital to replenish his blood and Barty helps Evan with assuring James is fine.
James hadn’t meant for it to be a test, but it feels like it. He knows they promised, but having Sirius there has been sure to make them keep from letting James hurt anyone, now that his best friend isn’t there, James hadn’t been sure how they would behave.
He’d been scared of feeding. He knows they noticed it, but none of them took it to heart, they were too aware of what happened and more than willing to prove to him that this time things would be different.
James is thankful that they did. Don’t get him wrong. It’s not that he stopped trusting them. He just knows the reality they live in. Knows that they’ll never care about anyone besides those in the room. It’s why it’s so important for him that they put his wishes first. That they went against their own instincts of allowing themselves the luxury to accommodate James’ needs.
It’s all he needed to be at peace with them. To free a part of himself he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding back. An unconscious part that made him just as primitive when he had blood in his mouth.
Now, James feels more comfortable inside his own skin. He knows what he’s capable of. He knows how far he can fall and how easy it is to let himself get lost in it. He knows how willing they are to get lost with him. James knows it’s a choice. To be a good person/vampire. He knows he won’t always choose right, he’s only human after all. But he doesn’t hold himself to his old impossibly high standards. Now, James knows that no matter how far he has fallen, he will always get back up with the help of the people he loves.
The first time James manages to go out alone he goes back to Lily’s flower shop, it looks just as cosy and messy as the first time he entered it, back when he wanted to surprise his boyfriends for the time first and ended up being the one surprised.
“You’re back,” Lily welcomes him with a wide smile.
“I told you I would be.”
“And I told you that men don't gift flowers very often.”
James chuckles. “They should.”
“Couldn’t agree more and not just because it would make my pockets heavier,” she winks at him playfully. “So what brings you here today?”
“Well,” James messes his hair with embarrassment, “Last time I didn’t get to give them their flowers.”
“Oh,” Lily frowns.
“So I thought I’d remedy that.”
She smiles brightly, all curiosity is forgotten, “Any special messages you’d like to send?”
“I want it to say thanks and for it to tell them I love them, they have to look pretty on our windowsill too.”
Lily laughs, “Oh, any more demands?” she teases.
“I mean…”
She rolls her eyes, “I have just the one for you, come along.”
“Also, I’d like to send my friend flowers too.”
“Oh, another mystery man?”
James laughs, “No. A friend friend. He helped me too, I’d like to show him I appreciate it.”
“How kind of you, people should send their friends more thoughtful gifts, you’re one of a kind James Potter,” her tone bordering on playful.
James snorts. “Now you’re just stroking my ego.”
“Gotta keep the clientele somehow.”
James smiles fondly. “You need nothing but your winning personality.”
“Who’s the flatterer now?”
“Touché.”
“Oh, any of those mystery boys French? That was way too good of a pronunciation.”
“Three of them actually.”
Lily’s eyes widen in surprise. “How lucky for you,” she leans in to whisper secretly, “I’ve got my own French lover.”
“You do?” James raises his eyebrows, he hadn’t seen anyone else when he’d been here before.
“Yes, she’s just back in the garden if you’d like to meet her.”
The strong smell of the flowers allows for him to barely be able to smell Lily’s blood, so he doesn’t think adding anyone else to it will change much with his urges, James is way more confident in himself now that he’s learned self-control. “Sure, why not?”
Lily guides him to her secret back door, where she keeps most of the flowers she cultivates, James sees her before he feels her, which is strange for a vampire, it hasn’t happened to him in a while. A beautiful black woman with luscious curly hair is gardening in the sun, she looks like she could come out of a painting. James can see why Lily sounded so breathless when she spoke of her.
“Mary,” Lily calls out. “Come meet James, I told you about him, remember? The man with the mystery boyfriends.”
Mary freezes when she notices him, her dark eyes narrowing as soon as she spots him, she grips the secateurs in her hands tightly as she stands up. “You’re not welcome here.”
It’s James' turn to freeze, Lily gaps at her. “Mary,” she admonishes.
“Lily, come here.” Mary orders, the dirty hand not gripping the secateurs offered towards her.
Lily looks as shocked as James feels. “Why are you acting like this?” her cheeks flame in embarrassment. “Don’t mind her, James. Why don’t we…”
Mary steps closer to them faster than James thought possible. “You misunderstood me,” she tells Lily significantly. “His kind is not welcome here.”
James’ entire body locks up, he has no idea what’s happening here, for a moment he wonders how she knows, it scares him that she could be one of the hunters they told him so much about.
“Oh,” Lily’s eyes widen, looking from one to the other in quick succession.
James takes a step back. “I’m sorry,” the words barely come out of his throat.
“No, it’s fine,” she tries to laugh it off. “Mary is paranoid, why don’t we go back up and I can send the flowers to any address of your choice.”
“Lily,” Mary warns, hands spasming on the tool as if she’s trying to hold herself back from stabbing him with it.
“It’s fine, Mary,” she smiles at her. “I promise,” Lily gives her no time to answer, pulling him by the wrist until they’re back to the front of the store.
“I’m sorry,” it’s all James manages to say, still frozen by being recognised so easily, the last thing he expected when he went out alone today was for this to happen.
“It’s okay,” Lily smiles reassuringly at him. “Mary just has a sixth sense for this sort of thing, it makes her wary.”
James nods numbly.
“Give me the addresses and I’ll send the flowers personally for them. Do you want to include any special notes?”
James is still too out of it to think of anything appropriate enough so he settles for a, “Thank you.”
“Straight to the point, I like it.”
James goes over the motions thoughtlessly, but he does stop at the door when Lily says, “I’m sorry, James. You are always welcome here.”
He isn’t sure if that’s true, but he appreciates her saying it anyway. “Thanks, Lily. You’re a wonder.”
Her smile looks more relieved now, James closes the door with a final wave.
James' heart hurts in his chest, Mary’s presence disturbs him, not just because of what she said, but because there's something off about her, something he can't quite put his finger on, he’s almost home when he realises what it is. James never felt any smell from her and it hadn’t been because of the flowers.
The first thing he does when he gets home is tell them everything that happened.
“Oh, shit,” Evan freezes.
“You unlucky bastard,” Barty laughs.
“You don’t think she was a hunter do you?” James asks fearfully. “Because if so, pretty sure she can get our address with no effort and kill us in our sleep.” Mary looked fierce enough.
“No, you’d be dead already.”
“Barty,” Regulus admonishes. “Hunters don’t travel alone and from what you’ve said Lily isn’t one.”
“Did you say she didn’t smell like anything?” Evan frowns.
James nods, he hasn’t been a vampire for long, but he’s come to trust his sense of smell.
“The women in my family didn’t smell like anything either after they’d gone through their eighteenth birthday, they perform a ritual to make sure they’ll never be our prey.”
“Oh.”
“Do you think—?” Regulus frowns.
“That would be too much of a coincidence,” Evan mutters.
“Not every day a witch falls on your lap,” Barty agrees.
“They’re not witches.”
“If you say so.”
“You should tell Sirius,” Regulus tells James gravelly.
James frowns. “And say what?
“Tell him to go into the shop with Remus and to offer her something in exchange for answers.”
“She hates vampires. I doubt she’ll accept money.”
“Not money,” Evan laughs. “Besides, she’ll be able to know Sirius doesn’t kill or drink from humans that might make him better in her eyes.”
“How would she know?”
“That doesn’t matter,” Regulus dismisses the question with a wave of his hand. “What should he bring?”
He’s more invested in this than James thought he would be, but again the brothers have a weird way of showing they care, perhaps helping Sirius’ boyfriend is Regulus' way.
“Something old and unique, a stone you can channel from or…” Evan suggests.
“I don’t think Sirius has anything like that.”
“He does,” Regulus says and that’s the end of it, no one would know better than him.
James wastes no time to call Sirius, who answers with an alarmed, “Hey, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, didn’t mean to worry you.”
“It’s fine, Regulus said your last feedings went well.”
“They did, but this isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?”
“They think I’ve found a witch.”
“Not a witch,” Evan insists.
Sirius stays quiet for so long James starts wondering whether he hung up. “Sirius? You still there?”
“Yeah, yeah.” James can almost see him shaking his head. “Why on earth would they think that?”
“I went to the flower shop and met a woman who knew I was a vampire on sight.”
Sirius hums thoughtfully. “They say mediums can always tell.”
“Yeah, and she didn’t smell like anything.”
“What? That’s not possible.”
“Evan said they don’t after they turn eighteen and perform some kind of ritual.”
“So he’s sure?”
“Pretty sure.”
“Send me the address.”
“Regulus said to take your channelling stone in exchange for information.”
“I don’t have a… Oh, my hundredth birthday gift.” Sirius snorts. “I’ve been using it as a paperweight.”
James laughs too, “Regulus will love to know that,” as if he isn’t listening to every word.
“Where’s your loyalty?” Sirius mocks betrayal.
Barty throws himself over James' shoulder to answer, “Shoved far up Regulus’ ass,” he teases.
Sirius groans, “Urgh, I did not need to hear that.”
James shoves Barty off, “Sorry about him.”
“This is my cue to leave, gonna tell Remus and head to the flower shop.”
“Yeah, yeah, will send you the address.”
“Thanks, you’re the best.”
“Nah, you’re the best,” James jokes around.
Barty gags loudly behind him.
“Can you shut him up? For fucks sake.”
“I’ll tell you how he can shut me up.”
“Barty,” James reprimands.
Barty laughs and raises his hands in surrender as he walks backwards towards the couch, on his way to bother Evan or Regulus, maybe both. He can’t be left too long without entertainment otherwise he will create his own and they usually don’t end well.
“How can you stand him? He’s insufferable.”
James has to restrain his urge to giggle. “He makes up for it when his mouth is full.”
“You did not just— Urgh.” Sirius groans. “Goodbye.”
James laughs loudly, he already misses Sirius. “Tell me how it goes.”
“Will do.”
“Love you,” James singsongs.
Sirius answers drily, “Bye.”
“You have to say it back,” James insists, he can almost see Sirius rolling his eyes on the other side.
“I’m starting to question it after you’ve made me put up with Barty.”
“You would have to anyway.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“You would if you wanted to see Regulus again,” James argues.
Sirius pauses. “I love you,” he admits.
James smiles triumphantly. “See you soon.”
It’s only after he hangs up the phone and lies on the couch beside his partners that he realises, “Oh dammit, I ruined the surprise.”
“It’s okay darling, we don’t need it to know you love us.” Regulus caresses his hair softly.
“But I wanted to romance you,” James pout is kissed away by Evan who leans over Barty to do so.
Barty laughs, “We’ve been properly romanced by you, trust me.”
“You wouldn’t know what romance is if it hit you in the head,” Evan teases.
“If that’s the case then you’re both to blame,” he accuses them. “Three hundred years and you’ve never wined and dined me.”
Regulus rolls his eyes, “If you think that’s true then your memory sucks.”
It’s when realisation hits James. “We should go on a date.” It’s not that they had never gone out to eat together or do any kind of activity, but they’ve never established it as a date.
“People will look at us weird,” Regulus argues.
“Fuck them,” Evan shrugs.
“We can pretend it’s a double date, come on, it will be fun,” James tries to convince Regulus.
“I’m in if you let me pretend we’re cheating on each other when someone leaves for the bathroom,” Barty perks up in his seat.
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” Evan promptly agrees.
James laughs, it’s not like he cares that much about others' opinions of him. Regulus is the one who tends to be hyper-aware of how they’re perceived, he must have had to be considering for how many years being gay was illegal, let alone having more than one partner.
“We can go to another city,” James offers. “We’ll never have to see any of them again.”
Regulus looks lost in thought.
“Come on, Reggie.” Barty insists. “It will be fun.”
“Fine, but if anyone tries to fight us—”
“We’re vampires,” Barty interrupts. “No one can win.”
That gives James pause, “We’re not killing anyone.”
Barty blinks innocently at him. “Of course not, sweetheart.”
“I mean it.”
“So do I.”
“We’ll see,” James squints at him, but lets out a laugh after Barty leans in and kisses his nose and then his lips, not losing an opportunity to turn things filthy he slips his tongue in James’ mouth.
James groans and wastes no time kissing him back, leaning over Regulus and Evan to get in closer, he could never grow tired of kissing Barty, he’s so lost in it that he doesn’t even realise he’s been shoved until Regulus and Evan have pulled them apart. “Go get ready,” Evan orders.
“Yes, sir,” Barty mocks and James lets out a startled laughter.
He has never been more excited for a date before, even if it’s a few years too late it feels like it’s the first time all over again. James can’t wait to experience all their other firsts together.
***
For their tenth anniversary, they board a plane — James doesn’t even need to be duped out of his mind to sustain the trip — Barty is the one who is restless during the entire eleventh-hour flight.
“I wish we could just run there,” he grumbles.
“You’re gonna run through the ocean?” Regulus teases.
“Might be better than suffer through this,” he never stops squirming in place.
“We’re in first class, imagine how you’d feel if you were in economics.”
Barty wrinkles his nose, “I’d rather drown.”
“You can’t drown.”
“Exactly.”
“There’s just five more hours to go,” Evan tells him.
“And I’m seconds away from jumping out of here and finding out if vampires can die from the impact.”
James laughs.
“Keep your voice down,” Regulus looks around worriedly.
“No one would believe him.” James protests.
“He doesn’t even need to open his mouth for people to think he’s mad.” Evan points out.
“Oh, what is this? Make fun of Barty day?” he grumbles.
Regulus pretends to be thinking about it. “We should make it a holiday.”
“Fuck off.”
“Thought you were in need of some entertainment?” James teases.
“Not when I'm at the end of the joke.”
Evan’s smirk is mean when he mocks, “He’s sensitive guys, let’s not—”
“Sensitive my ass.”
“I can make your ass sensitive if you’d prefer.” Evan offers.
Barty pauses in his tirade. “Actually…”
“Not here for fucks sake,” Regulus complains.
“Why not?”
“The flight attendant might see or literally everyone else.”
Barty doesn’t look like he cares. “How about a blowjob?”
“Handjob,” Evan aquisces.
“Oh, lord.” Regulus stands up. “I’m going to the bathroom, don’t take long.”
James stands up after him, figuring Regulus will be more prone to a blowjob if they’re hidden in the security of walls, even if they’re as thin as the bathrooms.
“What are you doing?” Regulus narrows his eyes on him.
“Don’t want to get caught in the crossfire of whatever they’re doing.”
Regulus hums and allows him to follow him.
The moment Regulus tries to close the door on his face James holds it with his foot, Regulus’ eyes widen when James enters right after him, his smile betraying his intention.
“Not you too,” he groans.
“Come on, love.” James pulls him by the waist, whispering against his mouth, “Live a little.”
“I’ve lived too much.” Regulus already sounds breathless.
“And you’ve never joined the mile-high club? I find that hard to believe.”
“With whom would I have joined it with? Those two find it too thrilling the idea of getting caught.”
James kisses his cheek, slowly making his way to Regulus’ neck, he fears he might push him off, but Regulus throws his head to the side to give him more space to work with, James has to hold in his smile to keep on leaving open-mouthed kisses on his neck.
“Good thing you have me now, isn’t it?”
Regulus hums appreciatively, James can’t stop his teeth from peeking out in triumph and nibbles on Regulus’ lovely neck, not letting his fangs out, but just enough to make him shudder against him.
Turns out James is right and it doesn’t take long to convince Regulus, perhaps Barty should learn from him, subtlety sometimes is key. They don’t take long to go back to their seats or at least James doesn’t think so, but he lost track of time between Regulus’ thighs.
Regulus sits with his head held high even though his cheeks are red and James has a smile so big Barty and Evan can tell what happened as soon as they’re back.
Barty gasps in disbelief, “You did not.”
“Shut up,” Regulus looks outside the window, primly crossing his arms.
Now Barty seems offended. “Can’t believe you agreed when he asked but not when I did.”
“Perhaps you're losing your touch,” James teases.
“Maybe he’s never had it.” Regulus counterpoints, making Barty even more outraged.
James laughs way too pleased with himself.
Evan studies them for a while, face impassive, like he’s already plotting something for them next time he gets them alone.
“I’m taking this as a challenge for when we’re flying back,” Barty warns.
Regulus' smile is pleased, “I’d like to see you try.”
“I’m assuming you didn’t get caught.” James comments.
“Oh, we did, but he looked more prone to asking to join than reporting us.” Barty brags.
Regulus snorts. “I doubt it, pretty sure they already reported it as sexual harassment.”
“Guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
Regulus’ eyes narrow, “We will.”
After that it doesn’t feel like it takes them nearly as long to arrive, perhaps the orgasms muddled their brains enough to keep them satiated.
James breathes fresh air as soon as they land, it’s way hotter than London had been, and he can feel the humidity in the air, Regulus wrinkles his nose at it. “I’m so glad we’re not humans anymore.”
“Yeah, otherwise you’d be burning in the sun.”
“I already feel like I’m burning,” he complains.
“Five hundred years and still haven’t grown used to the sun?” James teases.
Regulus shoves him away playfully. “Okay, summer boy, why don’t you show us around?”
“I haven’t been here since I was a kid, you know.”
“Still, you’re the expert.” Evan points out.
“Yeah, it’s your trip, baby. Tell us where you want us,” Barty smiles maliciously.
James has to stop his mind from going there if he wants any chance of concentrating on his plans. “Let’s drop the bags out at the hotel and then I want to introduce you to some people.”
Evan frowns. “Thought you said you hadn’t been here in years.”
“I haven't.”
“Then who are you introducing us to?”
“You’ll see,” James winks at them cheekily before grabbing his bag and leading the way.
Rio de Janeiro doesn’t look anything like James remembers, but it still feels the same. He passes places and has no recollection of being there before, despite the stories his parents told him, his memories vary from dinner at his grandparents' old house to the extremely cold water on his feet despite the heat and the taste of corn layered with butter and warm curd cheese on a stick.
Despite all the wonderful places James knows Rio has to offer, the first place he takes them after passing by the hotel room is to the cemetery, the only address in Brazil he’d ever memorised. The happy aura around them vanishes as soon as they realise where James is leading them, except James doesn’t want it to be a mournful experience, he’s dealt with his grandparents' death years ago, and he doesn’t intend to go over it again, that’s not why he brought them here.
“Brighten up,” he tells them as soon as Regulus’ eyes turn to him full of worry. “I’ve brought you to meet my family.”
Barty laughs softly, “I’ve never been good with introductions to the parents.”
Regulus rolls his eyes, “Tell me about it.”
“Good thing my parents aren’t buried here then,” James tells them.
“Oh, then who—?” Evan frowns.
“You’ll see, come on.” James tugs them along, he doesn’t remember where it’s located, the last time he’d been here had been for his grandparents' funeral when he was eight, but he follows the tombstones until he finds names he’s familiar with.
James passes his hand over the dirt sticking to the Potter’s name, it doesn’t look nearly as kept as he would’ve liked for it to be, no other living family in the country to take proper care of it, not like James and Sirius had been doing for his parents. James intends to change that and it seems like his boyfriends agree with the sentiment, because Regulus kneels by his side to clean it with his engraved handkerchief.
“You don’t have to,” James holds onto his hand, but Regulus pulls it away.
“It’s okay, I want to.”
“You should’ve told us,” Evan whispers in his ear when he kneels by his side. “We would’ve brought flowers. I know how much you like those.”
James smiles, “It’s okay, there’s always next time. We’ll be here for a while anyway.”
“Don’t worry,” Barty grins. “I got it,” and then he’s out of sight.
James frowns, “Do you think he’ll—?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Evan assures him. “I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”
James nods, thoughtfully picking at the grass at his feet. “I’m glad you’re all here with me, I don’t think I’d feel this light being here again if it weren’t for you.” There’s a reason James hadn’t been back since he was a child, he didn’t think he was strong enough before, but now that he has them by his side, James feels like he can do anything,
“Where else would we be? “Evan rubs circles on his back, it’s so comforting James can’t stop himself from leaning his head on his shoulder. Regulus is nearly done when Barty comes back with a huge grin holding onto an even bigger bouquet.
“Where did you get that?” James' eyes widen.
“Tell me you didn’t steal from someone else’s grave,” Regulus mutters.
“Of course, not. I bought it upfront,” Barty kneels by James’ other side and extends the bouquet to him.
“Thank you,” James smiles despite feeling the tears welling up in his eyes, Barty’s expression grows alarmed in an instant.
He’d promised himself he wouldn’t cry today, but well he hadn’t expected Barty of all people to find a way to get his grandparents flowers because he knew how much it would mean to James.
“Oh, love,” Regulus whispers, drying his tears.
“No, it’s okay,” he lets out a choked-out laugh. “These aren’t sad tears.”
“They’re not?” Evan frowns.
“No.” James composes himself. “I’m happy. I’m happy that you’re all here with me, it’s grateful tears I promise.”
“Oh,” Barty breathes out in relief.
They smile at him and James' heart clenches.
“Thank you for being here with me.”
“Of course, love,” Regulus says gently.
“We’ll always be here for you.” Evan’s tone is way more grave.
“We wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Barty assures him, softer than he’s ever sounded.
James smiles then confusion hits him, "How did you even buy those? You don't speak Portuguese."
"Mimic," Barty shrugs.
It makes them laugh and it lightens the mood in a way only Barty can, "I bet they made you pay way more than they're worth," he points out.
"I'd pay any price to put that smile on your face."
"Oh," James breath catches. "Thank you."
"Any time, sweetheart."
"When did you become so smooth?" Regulus frowns.
"I've always been."
"Doubtful."
"To those who deserve it," he grins.
Regulus looks like he's about to answer back when Evan brings their attention back with a simple, "I don't think that's what James' grandparents are here to see."
It makes them both sit up, properly chastised.
"It's okay," James assures them. "They'd like to see me happy and you make me happy."
They smile at him and James has to hold in his urge to kiss them silly, he doesn't want his grandparents to see all of that, it's where he draws the line.
James smiles, “Okay,” he takes a deep breath, grabbing onto all of their hands for strength. With all of them kneeling by his side James starts, “Evan, Barty, Regulus, these are my grandparents, they practically raised me as a kid when my parents were working, they helped make me who I am,” he admits.
“Thank you,” Barty tells the headstone sincerely, it startles a laugh out of them.
It makes James turn to them too, “Vó, vô, I brought some special people I’d like for you to meet,” he holds onto their hands tighter, pulling on the red string of fate that ties them all together. “This is my new family,” James says proudly. Forever grateful that he met them and that they made his life so much brighter just by existing at his side. “Thank you for taking such good care of me,” he tells his grandparents. “You don’t need to worry anymore, I’m in good hands.”
It’s the truth, it comes from his heart. They squeeze his hand back in acknowledgement that they're here, that they have him.
It’s when James realises that it doesn't matter what comes next because he knows he’s never letting them go again. Not when he’s finally managed to build himself back up. Not when he knows they’ll always help him do so, just like he will do for them in a heartbeat.
Perhaps they’ll slip up over the years, but James knows in his heart they’ll always find their way back as long as they have each other. All that matters is that they’re together. It’s all that will ever matter to him.
Notes:
When I was thinking about where I wanted them to travel to in the end my brasilian heart couldn't make them go anywhere else, it was very self indulgent but what is fanfic if not that lmao besides I'd already commented James was latino so worked out perfectly imo heheh I did have to stop myself from writing them just going to all my favourite places in rio lol perhaps as a tumblr bonus one day
I do want to explore more in this universe with other pov's, specially rosestarkiller past and Sirius journey, go deeper into the Pandora and Evan lore heheh but probably as another short story on the series so we'll see how that turns out.
I hope it was everything you wished for and to see you guys either on tumblr/twitter or future rosestarkillerchaser projects heheh (even though I'll probably only post it after I'm done with daylight cuz too many wips give me anxiety lol) and if u were waiting for James' villain arc I fear it didn't fit the narrative as well despite my urge to make them all toxic lol saving up for next time ;)
kisses and thank you for your patience <3 I would love to know your thoughts ;))
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