Chapter Text
I was four when I was first taught that monsters were real. Thinking about that night where it all went wrong haunts me still even to this day. I think to myself if only I had stayed in my room then just maybe my mother would be alive. Just maybe John would not hate me. Just maybe my life would not be the hell hole that is has turned out to be. Why did I have to leave my bed?
*Flashback*
Mommy had told me not to leave my bed in the middle of the night probably a million times. I used to love getting up going into my parents room and cuddling with them but ever since baby Sammy was born I am not allowed to do that. Mommy said she has to get up really late at night to go take care of baby Sammy so I have to sleep in my own bed so that she does not wake me up. I tried to tell her that I will help her take care of baby Sammy at night. I love baby Sammy I would do anything for him! Mommy still said no but that is ok mommy just doesn’t know how much I can help. She still calls me her baby boy I am not a baby I am four mommy is just confused.
That’s why tonight I have a plan. Tonight I am gonna wake up when I hear baby Sammy crying and then I will go take care of him that way mommy knows I am a big boy and I can help. Then we can all cuddle together again!
That night I woke up to the sound of baby Sammy crying in the next room. Quickly but quietly like one of those ninjas I saw on TV with Daddy the other day I ran to baby Sammy’s room. I was so busy being a ninja that I did not even notice the man standing next to baby Sammy’s crib until I bumped into him.
The man jumped back startled and stared at me after I bumped into him. He was tall taller than daddy which surprised me because daddy was the tallest man in the world he also had bright yellow eyes sort of like the sun. I did not know who he was but right now he was getting in the way of me proving I am a big boy which made me mad.
“Excuse me Mr. Sun but I am the one who is going to take care of baby Sammy because I am a big boy and want cuddles thank you.” I said as I walked past him toward the crib which held baby Sammy.
It was not until I picked up baby Sammy and started to walk towards the door to leave the room I order to grab a step stool when Mr. Sun seemed to snap out of it.
“Kleine duivel wait!” he yelled while grabbing my shoulder stopping me from leaving.
I was worried his yelling may wake up mommy so I stopped and turned around and whispered to him.
“Shh Mr. Sun you can’t wake up mommy! I have to change baby Sammy so I can get cuddles so please move thank you”
I tried to move past him again but he still had a grip on my shoulder.
“Please stop kleine duivel. I will be quiet so you may get cuddles. Just let me… just let me help you change de kliene één. If you let me help I will take you and de kliene één back to my home where there will be cuddles all the time. Just please don’t go.”
That made me stop. Is there even a place with cuddles all the time if so that must be like heaven? Also with help I won’t have to go back to my room to grab my step stool to reach the changin table.
“Ok Mr. Sun you can help but I am still in charge because I am a big boy and big boys are in charge” I glared at him just to make sure he knew who was in charge but that just seemed to make him laugh. That made me mad! No one laughs at Dean Winchester!
“Stop laughing at me! You can leave now I don’t need your help or your cuddles I am a big boy!” I screamed at him not even caring how loud I was anymore because I was just so angry.
“Shh kleine duivel. I am sorry I did not mean to laugh you just remind me so much like your father. Do you forgive me?” Mr. Sun then crouched down and held out his arm in order to hug me.
He did seem sorry so I decided to forgive him and ran towards him to accept the hug.
Mr. Sun pulled me and baby Sammy (who was still in my arms) in tight and kissed the top of my head as I relaxed into the hug. Something about Mr. Sun made me feel safe and loved and I liked it.
As I was cuddling with Mr. Sun that is when I heard the door open and mommy scream.
“WHO ARE YOU? Get away from my sons! Dean baby come here please come to mommy.”
I turned around to face mommy and looked to her. She looked really scared which surprised me because mommies are never scared. It looked like mommy needed to cuddle to.
“Come here mommy we are cuddling. We can all cuddle together. You, me, Mr. Sun and baby Sammy. It can be like a cuddle party! Do you think daddy would want to cuddle?” I asked mommy while still surrounded by Mr. Sun’s arms.
Almost immediately after I said his name daddy showed up holding a large kitchen knife. Now is when I got scared. Daddy looked angry and scary. Slowly I left Mr. Sun’s arms and walked towards daddy and mommy with baby Sammy in my arms.
As soon as I got close daddy grabbed me and pushed me behind him and mommy right outside of the open door to baby Sammy’s nursery.
“What the fuck do you think you are doing with my sons you monster?!” Daddy yelled.
“Your sons! Ha! Those two boys are no more your sons then I am. But I guess you would not know that would you John Winchester. I highly doubt your whore of a wife would be honest about her infidelity.” Mr. Sun seemed to be really angry now. So angry that it looked like his yellow eyes were glowing.
“Shut up Azazel! You do not know what you are talking about. John please baby don’t listen to him he is a lying demon. A son of the devil. He is a monster just kill him!” Mommy said as she turned towards daddy. Mommy was yelling and mommy never yells. This fact made me back up further down hallway with baby Sammy to get away from the yelling voices.
“You call me a monster and yet what do you think of your own sons? You slept with Lucifer and then hid his children! What did you think we were going to do leave you alone to raise these stolen sons as your own? I knew you were a slut but I did not know you were a stupid slut”
“I don’t care who is the father of my sons you will never have them! They are mine!” Mommy growled at Mr. Sun.
That is when daddy then grabbed the kitchen knife and stabbed it into mommy’s stomach. Everything stopped at that moment. Daddy just stood there still holding the knife staring at mommy with anger in his eyes. Mr. Sun seemed frozen staring at daddy with shock. The only noise in the house was the sound of my screaming and baby Sammy crying. Slowly daddy let go of the knife and turned towards me and baby Sammy.
“Dean come here” he said.
I was so scared. Daddy had never ever been this angry and mommy was not moving. I did the only thing I felt was right when I ran down the stairs out the front door towards the street holding baby Sammy the entire time. I heard daddy running after me but I was too scared to let him catch me. I only stopped running when I felt a large rush of heat hit my back. Stopping I turned around just as my house burst into flames. When I stopped daddy caught up to me grabbed me and baby Sammy and continued running toward the car.
Daddy did not even strap us in before driving away. He just threw me and baby Sammy into the back seat before pulling out of the drive way and speeding down the street.
As we drove past the house I saw Mr. Sun smiling out the window waving at me while the flames surrounded him.
*end of flashback*
That was the day my life as Dean Winchester ended. My mother was gone my house was gone and dad was then John and the only one to blame was myself. If I had just stayed in my bed none of this would have happened. If I had just stayed in my bed then maybe I would not be cleaning Sam and my wounds right now after our daily beating from John. If I had just stayed in my bed maybe Sammy and I would have someone to love us.