Chapter Text
It was in the meeting room when you felt it.
You were in the middle of a very important board meeting; a boring one, but an important one nonetheless. You were tasked to keep minutes and thus forced yourself to stay awake and pay attention closely to what was being said.
Across the room sat Commander Kylo Ren, cloaked in dark shades of black and gray, mysterious as ever. Terrifying as ever, too. You felt his presence in the room as much as anybody else.. some sort of dark foreboding aura that left pressure in whatever room he occupied. Including this one.
Something seemed to immediately catch your attention during this meeting, however. The ghostly hand you feel trail up your thigh. You first brush it off as a strange gust of air from the A/C units, but this becomes hard to believe when you feel a finger trace over your clothed pussy.
You nearly stop mid-sentence of writing, your fingers stilling as you question what you had just felt and how you had felt it. You briefly dart your eyes down to confirm what you had thought; there was nobody underneath you. What in the stars had you just felt?
You try to distract your own inner thoughts, your innate reactions to the sensitive touches down in your nether regions. You hastily chalk it up to pent up horniness in your head, excessive boredom, anything else that could make it make sense. Your thighs shift as the questionable invisible fingers seem to rub harder against your panties, before seemingly phasing through them entirely and rubbing against your bare clit. You tense up and you're almost certain that your face is red now. You use all the control you have within yourself to continue typing, continuing business as usual to not attract attention to yourself.
What else could this strange sensation you were feeling be? It was certainly more real feeling than a fantasy. Could it be something to do with the force? But nobody in the room was force-sensitive. Except...
Your eyes nervously dart to the dark cloaked figure seated towards the back of the room. Commander Ren sat as he had the entire meeting, completely still. Occasionally chiming in with a comment or remark regarding battle plans. Completely unreadable regarding emotions.
He... he couldn't be the one doing this to you. Why would he, anyway? You're simply a lowly scribe assigned to basic paperwork; nothing special about you. Then again, you're not entirely sure if it was him in the first place. It was impossible to tell.
You quickly look away, not wanting to make eye contact with the man... not like you could really tell, anyway. You simply continue focusing on the task at hand and try your hardest to ignore the increasing pressure of someone flicking your clit and circling their fingers around your entrance.
Thankfully for you, the meeting comes to an end sooner than you had expected. In the meantime, you had to disguise quite a few whines and whimpers as coughs. If you could see your underwear right now you were certain that they were soaked.
Right as the meeting ends, the fingers seem to magically disappear, leaving you with a strange mixture of relief and disappointment. The meeting adjourns and you finish your minutes, sending them off as you and the rest of the members gather themselves and leave the room. You completely avoid all eye contact with even the figure of Commander Ren. You were now left with confusion and anxiety over your mental state of mind as you walk yourself back to your quarters.
Chapter Text
It has been three weeks. There is almost no doubt in your mind that Commander Ren is behind the teasing in public and countless orgasms caused by an invisible presence invading your personal quarters. There was simply no other person that was force-sensitive on the ship, and there was no other otherworldly explanation for the experiences you were having. Your suspicions were only further spurred on when the pressure around you and your lower extremities seemed to increase when you occupied the same room as him. The only thing that seemed to confuse you was that he has never even acknowledged you. It's as if you do not even exist to him.
You've kept yourself up at night, pushing yourself to confront the commander. Fear has kept you back all this time; the thought of confronting the commander with the question of whether he was pleasuring you through the force this whole time terrifies you. The thought of being wrong and getting promptly killed by him for even insinuating the idea that he would do such a thing scares you even more.
And yet, you are on your third week of torture, and you simply cannot take it anymore. This has gone on for far too long and you were starting to get suspicious looks from fellow coworkers as well as your superiors for your strange behavior. You lay in bed, in the middle of the night, breathing heavily from your last orgasm caused by your mysterious force friend. This time the presence was really not giving you a break, instead continuing to prod at your throbbing cunt and suck on your perky breasts.
You force yourself to get out of bed and put on a pair of proper clothes before heading out the door. You shakily begin your trek to the commander's quarters. After navigating the maze that was The Supremacy, you find yourself arriving at your desired destination. It's at this point that you're nearly a bundled-up mess again, your thighs trembling and knees knocked together as you knock on the door. You were fortunate that this was at a late enough hour that most workers were off duty.
You half expected the door to never open, indicating that the commander either did not hear you, did hear you but did not care, or was simply not present. You did not expect the door to glide open, revealing the towering figure that was Kylo Ren. He was fully clothed and masked, and his hands were balled up in fists at his sides.
If you weren't in such a delirious horny state, you would've taken his stance as a very clear sign to turn around and run. Clearly he must've been upset that you, some unimportant underling, have interrupted his sleep. If he wasn't, he was surely going to be upset at the words you were going to say next.
"Please... make it stop..."
The words tumble out of your mouth gracelessly, falling in between half-moans and shaky pants that come from you trying to hold yourself together while your aching pussy is assaulted. If you had half a brain right now, you'd be dying inside, knowing that you were in front of the commander in such a state. Still, you persist.
"I know it's you... i-it- ah! -it has to be!"
The desperation in your voice increases as the fingers taunting you continue, ramping you up close to another orgasm. "There i-is... n-no other force user...please, i-t's too much..."
You sounded absolutely pathetic right now, completely at the commander's mercy. You were leaning against the side of the wall, half-bent over as you clench your thighs together and grip your knees. You knew you were done for. All you thought at this point was that if he was to kill you at this very moment, that at least your suffering would finally end.
You can imagine your own surprise when you were not met with the red-hot searing slash of a lightsaber. Instead, you are met with fingers. Real, gloved fingers. Pressing against your clothed pussy.
The invisible pressure and sensation that you were feeling immediately dissipate. However, instead of sighing with relief, you feel yourself jump on end, letting out a very audible moan. The force fucking seemed to go away but the real sensation of actual fingers against you sent electricity through your entire body.
You open your eyes to see that the commander was suddenly towering over you, enclosing you in his large form. His fingers were definitely on your pussy right now. You felt intimidated and extremely turned on.
"Strange little thing. Enduring all of that torture for weeks."
He curls a single finger; the warm leather brushes up against your clit. Your body seems to sing, embracing the real touch of something after weeks of invisible torture. You tense up and your breath hitches in your throat. So you were right?
His finger agonizingly slowly rubs against the outer lips of your pussy, through your clothes. A part of you is frustrated that his force fingers seemed to tear you open wide and turn you into a wreck, but his real fingers were slow. So agonizingly slow.
It didn't help that you were so close to cumming beforehand. What a fucking tease.
He suddenly grips your neck and you squeak, half surprised and half terrified. The adrenaline in your body only calms down half a notch when you realize that the pressure he was applying to your neck wasn't lethal, just... firm. Holding you there against the wall and reminding you further of his presence. You hear his voice rumble deep behind his mask again, ever-so-slightly distorted. “Do not forget that I can hear what you do not say.”
Shit .
It slipped your mind that force users could very much read the thoughts of those around them. You need to be careful.
You resist the urge to buck yourself against his hand; you want so much more than what he was doing right now. He’s been ravaging you from the inside out through the force for weeks, so anything slower felt like literal torture. You’d probably be better off actually being tortured by now instead of enduring this. You found it hard to speak, given the pressure he was putting on your throat. So instead, you decide to beg in your mind. Your eyes meet his mask and you beg, you plead , you mentally ask him for more. To your surprise, Commander Ren seems to oblige. You feel his hand come up and slip under your clothes, moving past your waistline and dipping underneath your underwear. He lets his gloved hand reach your soaking wet cunt, rubbing his two fingers between your slick folds. You squirm underneath him, a desperate whine somehow escaping your mouth.
He continues his slow pace, but the feeling of his gloved fingers, real gloved fingers against you felt better than anything you could have imagined. You still felt strung up, needy for more, but his gentle pace almost in a way calmed you. It confused you, too; you did not expect Commander Ren, one of the most terrifying people in the galaxy, to be so unimaginably gentle when it came to pleasure. You found your mind wandering to other places, wondering how he was in bed. You underneath him, legs locked around his hips. Would he take you gently? Would he pepper your body with kisses while he let every slow thrust hit all the right spots?
Your thoughts are immediately cut off though when he suddenly roughly shoves two of his fingers inside you. You cry out, thanking the stars immediately after that nobody else was in the hall. You swear you could hear some sort of strange noise, maybe a chuckle? It sounded like a chuckle came from the commander’s mask.
“How unbelievably dirty… you’re wanting me to fuck you and make you cum right in the hallway of my quarters.” He curls a digit, rubbing it against your inner walls. You squirm more against him, another strangled moan escaping your throat. “What if someone walked by and saw? What would they think?”
His thumb comes up to press against your clit before it starts rubbing in circles, keeping a steady rhythm with his two fingers inside you. You could feel yourself involuntarily buck your hips against his hand this time. Commander Ren pushes himself further against you, boxing you in. “ Oh you like that idea, don’t you? ”
You couldn’t deny it; you knew he could read your mind. Of course you didn’t want to get caught, have your career and possibly your life on the line, but you could not deny that the idea was arousing. The thought of being found, hand-fucked to orgasm by none other than the commander of the First Order, sent a chill down your spine.
It seems that Commander Ren has decided to give you what you want now, though at the price of your dignity. He speeds up the actions of his fingers, the two digits roughly pumping in and out of you now while his thumb works magic on your clit. He lets go of your neck, allowing you to breathe better, but with that comes the uncontrollable strings of moans, whines and whimpers that escape your mouth. You swear you could hear him breathing heavier behind his mask, but you couldn’t tell for sure.
“I want to hear you make noise. I’m going to make you scream so loud that the entire ship will hear you.”
And so he did; the commander kept to his word. A third finger finds its way in you and he presses more against your clit, the sensitive bud throbbing in pleasure. Your orgasm comes quicker than you could even prepare for, because one second you’re moaning and bucking against his hand, and the next you’re literally screaming out to the stars, vision blurred with white.
After a few unimaginably blissful moments, you feel yourself come down from your high, finally being able to hear your own heavy pants. Commander Ren pulls away from you, his fingers that were so intent on making you cum were now completely absent from your pussy. You try your best not to collapse on the ground, absolutely exhausted. Your knees buckle and you brace yourself against the wall, still trying to catch your breath.
What the commander did next will probably be burned in your mind forever.
He brings his gloved hand up to his mask, looking at the leathery digits that were now shiny and slick with your juices. He stays like that for a moment before his other hand reaches for the latch on his mask. You hear a gentle hiss followed by a click. Commander Ren brings up his mask, but only a little; you could only see his velvety-soft lips and the slightest hint of his nose peeking out. He brings his fingers up to his mouth and sucks on them . He tastes them, tastes you , swirling his tongue around his fingers for a brief moment before his mask is right back on. He heads back to the door of his quarters, seemingly finished playing with you. Before he enters his room though, he turns back to you.
“Don’t get caught.”
He turns back into his room with a silent swish of his cape and suddenly he’s gone. You’re left alone in the hallway, a complete and utter mess. You quietly sprinted back to your quarters, running probably faster than you ever have in your entire life.
You lay back in your bed, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes. What the fuck was that?
You’re alerted when you hear your datapad make a noise. Checking it, you see that you had received two new messages, private messages from Commander Ren.
Come to my quarters tomorrow night.
I’m not done with you yet.
Oh stars.
Chapter Text
Stars, you’re really an idiot, aren’t you?
Here you are, standing in front of the quarters of your commander, anxiously debating in your head whether you should knock or wait. It was a long shift at work, but to be quite honest you were distracted the entire time. All you could keep thinking about was that moment where Commander Ren pulled his mask up to suck your juices off of his fingers right after he finger-fucked you into oblivion. It played over and over and over again in your mind, torturing you to no end. You had to excuse your flushed cheeks as a side effect from the heat in the room… even though the entire Supremacy was always ice-cold.
Now you were waiting in the frigid hallway, trying to keep yourself from trembling in nervous anticipation. Before you could worry yourself into another flurry of thoughts though, the door to Commander Kylo Ren’s quarters quietly slides open. You muster up all the courage you had and take a step inside, reminding yourself that you were personally sent those messages on your datapad; you were supposed to be here.
The room was incredibly dark. You suppose you shouldn’t be surprised that someone like Kylo Ren would be a bit of a minimalist, even more-so than the rest of the workers on this ship. There was next to no defining knick knacks and personal items; it almost felt like a sterile hotel room. However, the side of the room was entirely made up of a viewport, giving a stunning view to the stars outside.
“Are you finished with surveying my quarters?”
You jump at the sudden familiar robotic voice that comes from behind you. Almost instantly you spin yourself around to meet Commander Ren, dressed in his typical intimidating attire. You feel your cheeks flush with embarrassment.
“S-sorry... Sir.”
He pauses for a long moment, staring at you with arms crossed behind his back. He then takes the time to slowly circle around you, mask fixated on your figure the entire time. It very much made you feel like prey being stalked.
“I see you have received my message and followed my directions. So obedient.”
You feel your head swim, heat already pooling down in your lower abdomen. Of course you were obedient, you were a scribe and you valued your job (and your life). You were always happy to obey whatever officer’s orders you were given. Obeying Commander Ren, though… that left you feeling different. The praise left you feeling dizzy and suddenly all you wanted to do was clench your thighs together and obey his every command. Brief thoughts of Kylo Ren’s gloved fingers on your throbbing clit dance through your mind again and you struggle to maintain your composure.
Commander Ren stops in front of you, a towering figure over your small form. The air in his quarters suddenly feels very heavy.
“Do you know what you came here for?”
You feel your confidence shrink, not wanting to risk upsetting the commander. Though you had that encounter with him just yesterday, you weren’t sure that you were on the same page as him. Trying to take the safe route, you clear your throat and reply, “W-well, I wasn’t given instructions, but I would be happy to assist with anything you need-”
You’re cut off by the commander roughly grabbing your face, silencing you instantly. He cocks his head to the side. “Do not play games with me. You know exactly why you came here.” His touch suddenly turns softer, a gentle caress of your chin as he lightly tilts your head up to look into his mask. “What do you want?”
You feel even more lightheaded, the struggle to keep your composure becoming even harder. Your lust begins to consume your judgment and you find yourself blurting out, “I-I want you, commander.”
Suddenly you’re finding yourself being levitated back towards the viewport wall of his quarters, near a counter. “Bend over,” Kylo Ren barks at you.
You waste no time in bending yourself over the counter, ass facing the commander. You try to distract yourself by looking out at the stars in front of you, breathing quickened. Suddenly you feel two large gloved hands on your ass, kneading the flesh. You feel a hand creep up to your waistband and hook its fingers underneath before roughly tugging down, revealing yourself to the eager commander. He runs a few fingers under your clothed folds, pressing in just enough to make you squirm.
“So wet for me already.”
You let out an involuntary whimper, grip tightening against the cold countertop. You feel him swirl his fingers around for a moment longer before reaching up to your ass, and then-
Crack!
You let out a yelp as he smacks your ass, something you’re sure will leave a mark. He immediately massages the reddening flesh afterwards, allowing his other hand to continue massaging your cunt through your underwear. After what he deemed was enough teasing, he takes a hold of your panties and shoves them down, now leaving yourself fully exposed to him.
You feel your cheeks redden and you stiffen up, worried that he will somehow be disappointed. Or maybe grossed out. Sure, yesterday he was fingering you, but he never saw anything.
Your worries melt away though when you feel his familiar gloved fingers now running across your slick folds. You feel the commander lean further into you as he brings a thumb up to your clit, which earns a soft moan from your throat. This seems to boost his eagerness with you as he then wastes no time in thrusting two thick fingers inside of you, making you now choke out a louder groan.
He sets a quick and fast pace, one that makes you weak in the knees as you struggle to keep yourself steady on the countertop. Tiny bits of “Yes… yes… yes…” escape your mouth as you let him fuck you wide open with just his hands. It didn’t take long for a familiar peak to start building up in your body, like a red-hot coil getting ready to spring.
Commander Ren must have sensed your orgasm approaching, because before you could hit your crescendo he pulls away, something that makes you whine in disappointment. Before you could protest his decision however, you hear a slight shifting noise before you’re met with a new sensation. Something cold, and much bigger than Commander Ren’s fingers, was now prodding at your entrance. Kylo Ren seems to take the moment to stretch you out, fitting the mysterious object in you until you adjust. It felt metallic and rigged, lots of bumps along the way. Did Kylo Ren have some sort of strange set of sex toys at the ready for someone like you?
You don’t have much time to question it further before you’re reduced to a moaning mess once more, the mystery object being thrusted in and out of you by the commander’s hands. This time he seems to want to give you your finish as his free hand reaches around to messily toy with your clit. You weren’t exactly sure, but you feel like Kylo Ren was getting worked up, too; even through his mask, you could hear his breathing becoming heavier, and you swore you heard the smallest “ fuck ” emit from his modulator. You warn the commander of your incoming orgasm, your thighs shaking as you breathe out between moans, “Sir… I-I’m… v-very close …”
He leans forward over you, his chest pressed against his back. “ Cum for me, ” he says, his voice the slightest bit ragged as he continues his handiwork on you. The sensation of his body pressed against yours, his command, his fingers and mystery object fucking you into oblivion, it all crashed into you like a tidal wave and suddenly you’re screaming out into the open air, eyes seeing stars of your own for a moment before you come down from your orgasmic high.
Commander Ren slows down his thrusting, allowing you to relax before he pulls the object away from you. You’re left a trembling mess… and you’re sure that you’ve made a sticky mess below you on the countertop. You hope that the commander will not be too upset, given that he brought you here in the first place.
Commander Ren moves away from you, allowing you to redress your bottom half and regain your proper sense of self. You turn around, fixing your hair and readjusting the buttons on your uniform when you suddenly freeze.
Looking at Kylo Ren, you now see what the mystery object he was fucking you with was. Kylo Ren readjusts and pins his lightsaber back on the side of his belt. The hilt was now slick and shiny. With your juices.
You stare at him wide-eyed, eyes flicking back from his lightsaber to his masked face. Stars, what if it turned on inside of you? You can’t believe that just happened.
Before you could question him at all, he’s back to his rigid, scary and imposing stance. “You’re dismissed,” is all he says, showing no outward emotion to you.
Not wanting to anger the commander, especially after his own lightsaber was just inside of you , you give a quick nod. “T-thank you Sir,” you blurt out, cheeks burning red hot as you scurry right out of his quarters. You waste no time in running back to your own quarters, grateful to reach your own safe spot on this ship. Confused and utterly exhausted, you allow yourself to collapse on your bed and take a nice, long rest.
Chapter Text
The next few weeks aboard the Supremacy have been… interesting , to say the least.
Interesting in the way that you have been treated in your day-to-day duties as a lowly scribe on this ship. More specifically from a certain high ranking commander.
Your daily tasks of recording various meetings and filing paperwork to its proper location is nothing short of a stressful and repetitive motion. You know your place within the First Order and while your position is vital to the large web of positions responsible for keeping the entire organization together, you know just as well that you can be easily replaced by any random body from any planet in the galaxy. As such, you’re treated like so. Except for these past few weeks.
You’ve certainly had to sit in on a number of higher-level meetings relating to current war strategies, ones that Commander Kylo Ren had to sit in on. You knew his direction and input was crucial to the First Order’s direction in the war. Normally, you would feel incredibly nervous being in the same room with him due to the pure dark energy he seems to emanate at all times. Now, it’s not only that, but the fact that not once, but twice now has he made you cum on his own fingers.
It’s difficult to glance in his general direction. He seems to pay you no mind while in the meeting. You force yourself to keep track of your own notes, not wanting to put your job in jeopardy. You can’t help but secretly wish, though… if you would feel those same ghostly hands again that started this whole thing in the first place.
It’s incredibly subtle, but not lost to you; you just don’t know how to address it. When the meeting members file out of the room one-by-one, Kylo Ren lets you head out before him. His hand meets your back, guiding you out of the room… though his hand is much lower on your back than what would be deemed “professionally acceptable”-- and it lingers for much longer than it should have.
The confusion only heightens when Commander Ren takes the time out of one particular meeting’s adjourning to actually address you.
“I want our current attending scribe to now formally report all top-level meetings. This is effective immediately.”
Being the operating commander, and, well, being Kylo Ren , no one dares to object. Even still, you’re met with confusion, and sure enough, looks of anger and jealousy from those who have definitely worked harder for such praise.
You nod, accepting the new promotion wordlessly. The meeting formally adjourns and you fight the urge to hide your reddening face behind your datapad as everyone gets ready to leave.
You don’t blame those who are confused and angry about your sudden promotion and the commander’s new apparent favoritism. You don’t really see yourself being quite worthy of such a promotion. You value your work, but you certainly know of those who work much harder than you. To be given a higher position so effortlessly by the hands of the leading commander is…well, as much as it is humbling, it’s embarrassing?
You sprout another fear from the sudden favoritism increasingly being put on display by Kylo Ren. Others aboard the ship couldn’t possibly know about your recent actions with the commander… do they? Stars, your worst nightmare would to be known as the head commander’s personal whore. You feel a small dose of angry confidence course through your veins. You’re in the position you’re in because you have earned it, not because you’re commander Ren’s personal fucktoy!
Your late-night thoughts are interrupted by a ping coming from your datapad. You check your messages and see one from the commander.
I am requesting you at my quarters .
Immediately.
You feel your heart begin to race. Immediately? What did he have planned for you this time?
New energy seems to course through your veins again, the same feeling of a teenager sneaking out late at night to make out with their lover. Except you’re rendezvousing with the commander of the First Order in his personal quarters.
You slip yourself back into your typical uniform and beeline straight to Commander Kylo Ren’s quarters.
The doors to his room silently slide open, revealing the same, sterile, minimalist quarters you have seen before.
After stepping in, you let out a squeak when the commander’s voice suddenly comes from behind you. “So judgemental about taste. I have no need for other… decorations.”
You spin around, meeting the tall, imposing figure that is Kylo Ren directly. You clasp your arms behind your back, giving a small, nervous and apologetic smile.
“M-my apologies, Sir. I have come to your quarters… as requested.”
Your breath hitches in your throat when his thick, gloved hand rests on your shoulder.
“Such a good little thing. So obedient. You like being obedient for your Commander, don’t you?”
You feel yourself let out a small whimper, knees threatening to buckle beneath you. The commander’s hand gently slides down your arm, gripping the flesh beneath your sleeves.
“You like being told what to do. That’s good, because you don’t have a say in the matter.”
With that being said, he grips you tightly, half-pushing, half-floating you over to the edge of his bed. Your legs hit the back of the bed and force you to sit on the mattress, legs splayed out in front of him.
“ Good .”
Your throat bobs, eyes glued to his mask, even though no emotion could be read through the metal. You feel your lower half begin to ache, heat already pooling between your thighs. Kylo Ren’s gloved hand snakes its way down your thigh, gripping at the sensitive flesh along the way. You squirm under his touch, eager and anticipating his next move.
“So impatient.”
He gives a smack directly on your cunt, near your clit- you flinch and yelp, thighs trembling. Almost immediately, he begins to soothe the area, rubbing gentle fingers generously around your clit through your pants. It leaves you confused and your head grasping at the situation, lust fighting over logic.
Commander Ren uses his other hand to loop under your pants and panties at the same time before pushing them down to your ankles, leaving you once more exposed. He gets closer to you, kneeling in front of your bare cunt. Once more he uses his fingers to roughly push you open again, eliciting a strangled moan from your throat as you writhe against his mattress. He lets his open hand grab your wrist, pinning it to the bed and leaving you powerless.
While thrusting his thick fingers in and out of your wet cunt, the commander seems to contemplate something. He pauses, withdrawing his fingers and releasing your wrist.
“Such a pretty little voice. I want to hear you scream again.”
You feel your body pinned down by what you could only assume was the force, but you are able to crane your neck up just enough to see the commander reach for his helmet release. A soft hiss noise is emitted and Commander Ren pulls up his helmet, though just enough to reveal his mouth. Before you could react further, you throw your head back and nearly shout out when the sudden sensation of a hot, wet tongue presses flat against your lower lips.
You’re left wondering just how many other people the commander has done this with. There was no way that he was just some sort of expert. Your thighs are left quaking as Commander Kylo Ren thoroughly eats you out, giving needed attention to your clit in swirls before licking stripes down your cunt and thrusting his tongue in you. Your fingers grip the inky sheets, toes curling in your boots as your moans flow out of your mouth like water. Your whole body felt like water, a sort of stream that was quickly turning into a sort of rapids. One with a sort of climax reaching very, very soon.
“Commander Ren… it feels good… ” you mindlessly mouth out, head turned to the side. This seems to motivate him further, as you feel his actions speed up to bring you your sweet finish. You cum hard on his tongue, thighs trembling as you scream out into the open void behind your eyelids. He lets you down gently, leaving kisses down your throbbing cunt before leaving a few parting kisses on your thigh.
You take a few minutes to catch your breath, staring at the ceiling above you. Your eyes flick down to Commander Ren, who you see has already readjusted his helmet back on. The helmet is directed towards you though, making you assume that he’s staring at you. An idle hand of his continues to gently massage your thigh-- a sort of comforting motion.
You feel a lump form in your throat and it’s difficult to prevent you from saying what comes next. It just bubbles up in your mind and you can’t help but ask.
“Commander Ren… I have a question.”
He makes a small grunt, one that comes out garbled and distorted through his mask. “Speak.”
You hesitate for a moment, your wits preventing you from speaking for a moment longer before it’s overpowered by your curiosity. “What… is this thing we’re having, right here? What is this?”
Kylo Ren seems to stiffen up; you could tell from his body language, even under the swaths of dark clothing he wore. What once seemed relaxed was now guarded as he sits up a bit straighter. “I don’t understand what you’re asking. Elaborate.” Somehow, his voice sounds even colder.
You feel your cheeks flash red, numbing your face while you divert your attention back to the ceiling. Now you feel like you’ve just asked the stupidest question ever. You couldn’t help it, however. This whole relationship was so confusing to you. Was it even a relationship? Or were you just being used by Kylo Ren, purely for his own benefit?
Your voice comes out much quieter, your fingers nervously fidgeting with one another. “What am I to you , Commander Ren?”
You almost immediately regret what you have said because that seems to have done it in. Whatever inkling of care seems to have been locked away and now you’re dealing with the same scary, closed off Kylo Ren that everyone else aboard the Finalizer fears. He stands up fully now, body rigid and fists closed at his sides.
“Out of my quarters.”
It’s such a finalizing, unbelievably cold command. On the surface it’s such a simple sentence, but the way he says it is so filled with anger that you don’t question it one bit. Immediately you sit back up, redress yourself and head towards the door. You don’t even pause to say any parting words before you’re out of his quarters and heading towards your own, practically running towards your safe haven on this ship. You feel tears pricking at the sides of your eyes and chastise yourself for it; what could you possibly be thinking? Of course Kylo Ren doesn’t give a shit about you. You were nothing but a plaything to him. And you’re a fool for letting yourself be vulnerable with him.
Notes:
AHHH sorry for ending my debut with this story on an angsty cliffhanger! 3 i'll be bringing another update in a few days, i promise!!
like i said, kylo ren can be a softie but GOD he needs therapy and cannot properly cope with emotions. we'll see how that will unfold in the coming chapters
i hope you enjoy!! let me know what you think in the comments <33
Chapter Text
No new messages from Kylo Ren.
It’s been weeks now and you’ve been trying your best to pretend as if that whole… relationship? Affair? Encounter(s)? with Commander Ren had never happened. Your duty as a scribe for the meetings you were assigned to had not changed. It’s a relief to you that you were not demoted due to your last encounter with the commander, though you weren’t sure whether that was to save your own dignity, or his own... or maybe he really did think you were doing a good job being a scribe. Best not to dwell on it too much.
For the past few weeks, Commander Ren has not been on board. Something about some sort of secret mission, the kinds that even you, a higher-level scribe with more security clearance, still don’t know about. Honestly, after the last encounter with him, you didn’t mind him being off-board. If anything, it brought more relief and allowed you to relax your shoulders a bit during meetings. You have a feeling the rest of the board members feel the same.
Still, you could not shake that annoying, nagging feeling that one gets when a relationship goes sour. That feeling of loneliness. Even though Kylo Ren was never really “kind” to you, you do miss the sex. You miss the attention from him. You also miss the small moments, glimpses of some sort of humanity from him after he’d make you scream his name. Stupid feelings.
You feel like you’re getting to some semblance of normalcy when you’re alerted that Kylo Ren has returned aboard the Supremacy. The air seems to tense up again as everyone on board seems to feel that familiar fear and pressure whenever the man is around. Though you have an added extra twinge of uncomfortableness.
You’re assigned to the post-mission briefing scheduled after Kylo Ren’s return. During the meeting, most information tends to go over your head, all closely guarded in coded language that made little sense to you, but was nonetheless crucial to document. As you skillfully type away on your datapad, you sneak occasional glances at the commander. He seemed… frustrated. Or pent up, maybe. You couldn’t really tell if the mission had went well or not. His emotion, as well as the emotion of the meeting in general, seemed pretty shrouded. You noticed that while the other leaders of this ship were dragging on about their own updates, opinions, and so on, Kylo Ren stood impatiently at his post, fists balled at his sides. There almost seemed to be a wavering pressure in the air that fluctuated with what you could only assume was the angry breathing behind his helmet. At first you thought you were being subtle, sneaking the occasional glance at Kylo Ren, but you’re quickly caught as the commander seems to turn his head to face you. Your cheeks flash red and you quickly avert your gaze, hoping that no one else had noticed. With each occasional glance back at Commander Ren, you see that he has not seemed to take his gaze off of you… it’s something that quickly made your task of writing much more difficult to focus on.
Once the meeting finally adjourns, everyone shuffles out of the room, one by one. You’re about to walk by when Kylo Ren puts a hand out, grazing your midsection and stopping you in your tracks.
“You’re requested at my quarters. Head there immediately.”
Before you can even give the man an answer, he moves his hand away and walks in front of you, long powerful strides quickly clearing the hallway as he leaves the room. You stand there for a few moments, dumbfounded before you collect yourself and head for the commander’s headquarters.
You chastise yourself as you walk to Kylo Ren’s quarters, clearing each winding hall and walkway. Really? Are you going to let yourself be toyed around with, again? You feel your sense of dignity drop, a flash of shame running through your veins as you contemplate your choices. Then again, this was the commander of the First Order you were talking about… did you really have a choice, anyway? What if you rejected Commander Ren’s advances from the start? Would he have backed off, leaving you be and keeping your relationship strictly professional? Or would he become enraged by your rejection and outright kill you? More importantly though, do you even want him to really leave you alone?
You find yourself longing for his touch again. The fleeting moments of humanity behind his actions were enthralling in some sort of way you couldn’t properly explain. It was if he wanted to show more, but couldn’t. Maybe not just yet.
You reach the commander’s quarters and enter. You’re greeted with the same interior, except this time the commander is no longer hiding in the shadows. He’s right there in the room, standing and facing you as you enter through the doorway.
You stand there facing him, emotions and stance a bit reserved. You’ll admit, you still feel hurt from your last encounter with him. You stand with your hands behind your back, lips slightly pursed, waiting for a reaction from him.
A pregnant pause ensues, followed by a break in the silence by the commander.
“Do you want to be here?”
It’s an unexpected question; your stoic facade is immediately broken through. His voice sounded tired, strained; there was some sort of mixture of emotion behind his words that you could hear through his voice modulator. A small lump forms in your throat and you open and close your mouth multiple times, trying to form a response. You flex your fingers gripped around your arms, nerves spiking as you respond in a small voice.
“Do you want me to be here?”
He takes a step closer, heavy breath rumbling through his voice modulator. The hairs on your arms and back of your neck stand up and heat beings to pool in your stomach. Everything about Commander Ren’s imposing force seemed to set your body alight.
He takes a hand and places it on your forearm, allowing it to slowly trail down to your midsection. His touch seemed cautious, careful… almost as if you were some animal he was trying not to frighten. You instinctively lean into his touch. He lets go, though it almost seems reluctant as he walks silently over to his bed. “Come.”
You follow suit, coming to the edge of the large black mattress. He motions for you to sit, so you gingerly sit down on the soft velvet fabric, nervously fiddling with your fingers as you look up at his towering figure. Commander Ren stands there, mask tilted down to look at you. He makes a motion to come towards you, but you stutter out, “W-wait!”
Commander Ren immediately stops, mask directly facing you. The air is suddenly deathly still again and you feel a jolt of fear rush down your spine.
“I… can we talk about things a bit… f-first.”
You stumble over your words, worried that you had upset him further. The last few times you had sexual encounters with him, you were so wrapped up in your own lust and desire that questions came as an afterthought. This time, you wanted answers. Or at the very least a little clarification.
You see Commander Ren lightly waver in place, almost seeming to contemplate a decision before he straightens himself up again. He grabs a nearby chair and places it facing you before sitting down. His stance still seems guarded, but you make the assumption that by sitting down, he’s giving you a listening ear. His voice comes garbled through his mask.
“Speak.”
You swallow nervously, taking a moment to gather your thoughts. If you knew that you’d be in this situation, you would have been practicing what to say for days. You didn’t even know if he’d acknowledge you again as a person after your last encounter.
You take a deep breath, forcing eye contact with his mask.
“Look, I’m… I’m sorry if I made you upset last time we spoke. I just, I didn’t know what… what this-”
You make a motion to him and yourself. “-this is. As much as these visits have been, um, satisfying,” You feel the tips of your ears burn with embarrassment.
“...I’m a little confused as to why you’re doing this in the first place. Or why you promoted me.”
He starts a response. “Your work ethic-”
“You know it wasn’t solely because of my work ethic,” you interrupt.
“I mean, d-don’t get me wrong, I put my work in for the First Order and would never fail my duty, but I see others that have been working harder than me for way longer and have not gotten the same recognition. I-I mean, is it really fair for me, to get this promotion, for, y’know… being your… plaything?”
He stiffens up at your last retort, back straight against the chair. You see his gloved fingers flex against his sides, from anger or unease you could not tell. You continue onwards.
“Look, I don’t know what you are going through. I’m sure I could never really understand. And I’m sure there’s so much that you cannot tell me, ever.” You huff a breath through your nose, hoping that you were coming off as sincere as you were trying to be to him.
“But if you need someone to listen to you, or someone to confide in, I’m here. I’m great at that. It’s… it’s quite literally my job.” You finally pause, letting your words sink into the commander. You tense up yourself, awaiting a response that hopefully wasn’t chopping your head off or choking you to death. You haven’t even realized until now that you fully interrupted the commander and questioned his choice in promoting you.
A long, long pause. If it went any longer, you would’ve wondered if you would be allowed to leave, or if you had to wait for him to decide a proper punishment for your speaking out against him. After all, despite everything he’s done with you, he’s still the commander of the First Order, ranks and ranks above you and everyone else in the ship. A superior in every sense of the word.
Commander Ren slowly reaches up for the release on his helmet, the familiar noise of a click followed by a hissing noise emanating throughout the silent room. You expected to be thrown back by the force, or in some way forced to obscure his face, but to your surprise nothing happens. You watch in nervous anticipation as Commander Ren takes his helmet fully off in front of you.
The metal thing falls on the ground with a heavy thunk. What’s left in front of you leaves you with little breath in your lungs.
You’ve seen bits and pieces of the commander’s face, glimpses of his plush lips and finely shaped nose, but nothing else. Now you were staring at the face of a man, considerably young, features finely sculpted. His thick, black hair framed his face in wavy curls. Freckles littered his face like little stars, mimicking the glittering ones that sat right outside the viewport. A large scar dashed across his face, digging through his eyebrow and down his cheek. His eyes were a deep, soft brown, pupils blown impossibly wide as he stared back at you. They also looked very, very tired.
You let out a soft gasp, involuntary, not really expecting… that. It’s not that you never imagined Commander Ren to be attractive under the mask, but to also be so young… and to look so exhausted. Like the weight of the entire galaxy hung on his shoulders. What deep sorrow, anger, mixes of raw emotions laid behind his eyes was so easily obscured by the terror of his mask.
His voice comes out impossibly smooth, no longer distorted by the voice modulator. You didn’t expect it to still be so deep.
“You’d never understand.”
He still was throwing up a bit of a stone wall, but you could see that it was crumbling by the minute. It was much easier to read his emotions without the mask. His eyes seemed to tell you everything, even if he didn’t mean to.
You stand up, taking a few tentative steps towards the commander. His face and eyes shift to look up at you. You speak in a small voice.
“Maybe I won’t. But I can be here for you.”
Your mouth goes dry as you fixate on his lips. Your body tugs, tugs at you to get closer. Heat pools deep in your stomach as you take the risk to gently place your hands on the sides of his face. Your voice gets even smaller, quieter.
“Can I kiss you?”
You don’t even get to react as the commander responds physically, grasping your sides as he leans up to connect your lips. It’s a sudden, crashing kiss, but one that melts into something more passionate and needy. A heady moan escapes your throat and this spurs him on further, standing up to tower over you while he peppers your throat with kisses.
You feel like you’re being thrown in a headspin. You barely notice yourself colliding with the mattress as he backs you up, making you lay down flat. He kisses along your jawline, collarbone, sucking and biting in places that made you whine and squirm. Sure, getting fingered by the commander was an exciting, quite insane encounter that made your body beg for more, but this was on a whole other level. You throw your head back and let out another throaty groan as his fingers find their way to your cunt again. Commander Ren’s fingers slip beneath your waistband and rub circles around your clit while he focuses his mouth down towards your shirt, unbuttoning your uniform.
Your top slips off with ease and he takes the moment to fiddle with your bra before your top half is now exposed to him. What tiny ounce of embarrassment you had from him seeing you melts away as he takes one of your breasts in his mouth, tongue lapping against the sensitive bud. Your back arches against the mattress, moans tumbling out of your mouth in a sort of rhythm. You let out small bouts of “Yes…” between your moans, eager to let the commander know of your approval. He responds by letting you know of his approval, a very noticeable bulge pressing against your inner thigh. Your hips involuntarily buck against him, causing Commander Ren to hiss out.
“Please…” you mumble out, body squirming underneath his. In-between toying with your clit and sucking on your breasts, Commander Ren has taken the time to shed parts of his own clothing, cloaks and heavy outerwear shedded for his more bare, black underclothes underneath. Leaving very little barriers between your skin and his, and very little to the imagination.
You try bucking up against him again, but he stops you, strong arms holding you down as if you were nothing but a feather. You feel your cheeks flush red at the reminder of his sheer strength, outside of his usual force capabilities.
Commander Ren is panting, face visibly flushed as he pulls back enough to look at you in the eyes. His pupils were blown wide, lust darkening them as he stared back at you. What a gorgeous sight for you and you alone to behold.
He hesitates for a moment, preparing to push the rest of your underwear down. “Are you sure?” he asks, stare intense. You nod, trying to steady your own breathing.
“I need you inside me, Commander Ren.”
This seems to set off an extra switch inside him, because he lets out a sort of growl, returning his lips to your neck as he shoves your pants down. His attacks become more aggressive, bites and hickeys that were sure to leave a mark. He pushes down the waistband of his pants, then his own underwear, finally freeing his length to rest readily at your thigh.
You sneak a peek downwards, breath hitched as you catch a glance of his throbbing cock. You could seem to get that Commander Ren was getting turned on when he teased you and fingered you in those previous encounters, but you were never exactly sure. Knowing that you yourself were having this effect on him was flattering…and extremely arousing.
He slides his length along your slick folds a few times, gathering enough wetness to hopefully not stretch you out too painfully. You’d reach down to give his member a few strokes if his body weight wasn’t pinning you down. Not that you were exactly complaining about that.
It starts as a gentle prod, then further, before Commander Ren finally thrusts into you. You cry out, not used to the sensation of him stretching you out wide. Thankfully, he takes a moment for you to adjust, eyes trained on your expression, looking for permission to move forward.
Once your face morphs from pain to pleasure as the stinging subsides, Commander Ren thrusts again, this time a little deeper. Not much long after, he sets a pace that has moans spilling out of you and into the open, heady air around you. Sounds of his thighs hitting yours filled the empty nose in-between, a noise that would make you quite flustered if you weren’t already caught up in your own lust.
His facial expressions were beautiful, almost enough to make you want to beg for him to never put his mask on again. Commander Ren kept his gaze on you, gauging any bit of uncomfortableness. It was whiplash to see such a reaction of care, especially in a vulnerable moment like this, from Commander Kylo Ren, the most feared man in the galaxy. You’re sure to get a little confident power trip within your own private thoughts after this.
It didn’t take much longer for that familiar coil in your lower abdomen to wind up, ready for your orgasm to snap at any moment. Your moans become higher pitched, more drawn out. You grasp one of Commander Ren’s arms, nails digging into his skin as you desperately hold back your climax.
“Commander Ren.. I-I’m almost…”
This seems to spur him on, causing the commander to pound into you faster, skillful fingers fixated on your throbbing clit. He seems to be nearing his peak as well, his hips snapping into you with more irregular beats. His voice sounds even better outside of his mask, ragged and raw.
“Cum for me.”
You scream out, reaching your peak with a blinding white behind your eyes. Your climax brings his own as Commander Ren spills himself into you, the last few thrusts he gives just barely keeping everything inside.
You come down from your orgasmic high, breathing slowly returning to a more normal pace as you stare up at the dark ceiling above you.
You just had sex with Commander Kylo Ren, leader of the First Order, and it was fucking amazing.
Commander Ren looks back at you, breath heavy as his eyes stare deep into you. Small beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, skin littered with red. His lips were slightly parted, swollen from him kissing you all over. He looked beautiful.
You feel your heart twinge. Oh. Oh no.
Oh stars, please don’t fall in love with the commander. Please don’t fall in love with Kylo Ren.
Commander Ren seems to return from his own climax as well, breathing slowing as he slowly pulls himself out of you. The feeling of his warmth leaving you, followed by his own cum leaking out of you elicits one last moan from your worn throat.
You both take a few moments to regain clarity before wordlessly cleaning each other up. Commander Ren leaves for a brief moment to grab a towel, helping you clean up before motioning you to his shower.
You take the time to wash yourself clean before returning to the main room, wrapped in one of Kylo’s bath towels. Notably much thicker and plusher than the towels you were supplied with. You see that Kylo Ren is sitting back in the chair-- and he’s staring back at you. Some sort of complicated emotions swirled beneath those brown eyes. It sent a shiver down your spine.
You take a seat back at the edge of Commander Ren’s bed. Your hands find their way fiddling with the velvet sheets again. That uncomfortable stillness in the air rests in front of the two of you once more. Commander Ren breaks the silence again.
“Tell me more about who you are.”
You blink, dumbfounded. Who you were? The commander of the strongest army in the entire galaxy wanted to know more about you?
I mean, sure, when you’re dating somebody, you want to get to know them better, but… you’re not dating Commander Ren. This is.. Something different. Yes. Different.
You internally shrug to yourself. You don’t feel like your life is very interesting, but if the commander wants to know, you’ll give him what he wants. A little pillow talk never hurt anybody.
You start off by mentioning your beginnings.
“I was recruited off a nearby planet by the name of Scaidu at a young age. Freshly eighteen. I was chosen for scribework based on my existing skill set. Never been close with my parents. They respected the First Order, I knew that much, so they were proud but didn’t really have any intentions of keeping close contact with me after I was sent off to start my new life. I still occasionally write them letters of how I’m doing.”
You silently take note of the commander becoming visibly uncomfortable at the mention of your parents. He seems to shift ever-so-lightly in his seat, his facial expression just a bit more hardened.
“I spent the next few years doing the same thing, just in different variations. Taking notes of various meetings throughout the ship. There’s, uh, a lot of different meetings that happen throughout the day. Why are you letting me tell you this if you can read my mind?”
Commander Ren huffs a puff of breath through his nose and the slightest smirk appears on his face. He slightly shifts position to a more comfortable one, twisting the chair around so that he could rest his arms along the top. He was listening intently to you.
“Sometimes it’s more fun to see how you can recall things yourself.”
You feel your heart clench, still entranced by his deep voice and honey-brown eyes. He was toying with you, but not in the way he had before. You nervously smile back and clear your throat.
“I dated a few different people back on my planet. Never got into serious relationships with any of them, though. Closest one I got to was nothing more than a kiss.”
Kylo Ren takes in your outspoken thoughts, nodding lightly before he stiffens up.
“I was your first?”
Your eyes widen at the notion. You hadn’t really given it thought, but it was true. You stare back at the commander, giving a small nod. “Yeah. I… I guess you were.”
You couldn’t tell what he was feeling at the moment, even with the mask off. Pride? Regret? Confusion?
It didn’t seem to matter because Commander Ren stands up, heading to a set of drawers to seemingly fish out a pair of sleep clothes. You start worrying that you have upset him before he tells you to continue.
You tell him of more small details of your life, the trinkets you held in your personal quarters, favorite meals at the cafeteria. Before you know it, the commander is dressed down, seemingly ready for sleep. He lays down on the other side of his bed, facing you.
You stare back, now quieted by the implication of the night being over. Kylo Ren stares at you, lip briefly quivering for a moment before he speaks in a softer voice than you’ve been hearing.
“I think it’s best that you get back to your quarters.”
His voice sounds reluctant, as if he wanted you to stay. But not tonight.
You slowly nod, eyes wide. Your voice comes out small, barely above a whisper.
“Okay.”
You take the time to redress, finishing by standing back at the foot of the bed, back in your normal uniform. You open your mouth, but pause, unsure of what to say. You felt like you had to say something, something before leaving. You finally decide.
“...Thank you for sharing yourself with me, Commander Ren. Have a good night.”
With that, you quietly exit Commander Kylo Ren’s quarters, silent footsteps taking you back to your own bedroom.
Notes:
helloooooo time for a new update!! sorry for keeping it hanging on a tense cliffhanger, meant to post this update yesterday but i've been super busy + exhausted with work. i was super excited to post this newest update though :] more to come in the coming weeks!! let me know what you think <33
Chapter Text
Seriously?
Thank you for sharing yourself with me? That’s the best you could come up with?
You silently chastise yourself as you get ready in front of your bathroom mirror. Frustrated grumbles vibrate in the back of your throat as you mull over your last encounter with Commander Kylo Ren.
You came into his quarters expecting at best more fooling around, at worst a severe punishment, but instead you received what was a rather tender first time with one of the most feared men in the galaxy. What a way to make your life more interesting.
You finish fixing up your uniform, creases laid flat as you examine yourself one final time in the mirror. Today brought more meetings to take notes in, as per usual, but none with Commander Ren in attendance. In all honesty, that’s… probably a good thing. You need to have a small cooldown with the man. His presence at the moment might be too distracting, especially now knowing what he looked like without the mask on. You feel like it’ll be all you’ll think about whenever you see the commander now. Hopefully those thoughts don’t get blasted too much when he’s around.
You head on over to your first meeting, boots clunking against the ship’s flooring as you stare off. You get through your handful of meetings for the day with ease, though a bit more distracted and up in your thoughts than usual. At least you knew how to properly hide your daydreaming so that others wouldn’t notice and your notes wouldn’t suffer.
Heading back to your quarters, you let out a soft sigh as you dress back into your casual clothes. You toss yourself on your bed-- notably much smaller bed as compared to Commander Ren’s-- and grab your nearby holopad. You feel… unease settled in your belly. Like a need for some sense of accomplishment. You’ve said it to yourself before, that you deserve the position that Kylo Ren has promoted you into, but now you want to prove it. Realistically, much of what was discussed during the meetings you attended went straight over your head. You feel your cheeks briefly flash with heat in anger, thinking about how the higher officials sitting in those meetings are probably looking down at you, seeing you as some nobody who does the work that any droid could do.
You wanted to prove them wrong.
You search through the selection of preloaded texts that came with every First Order assigned holopad. Some were basic fiction stories for leisure, but some were primaries on basic military tactics retrofitted for the modern age. You internally shrug, figuring that it’s best to start somewhere.
---
Hours and hours go by of absorbing knowledge. This happens for days. When you had a stick up your ass about something, you were committed to it.
You feel that familiar burn tugging behind your eyelids as you finish your last volume on Reconstruction Models for First Order-era Droids. You knew that it would be best to get an hour or two of sleep before your first meeting tomorrow morning. Conceding to your body’s needs, you set down the holopad and let your consciousness collapse into sleep. You dream about your next cup of coffee for the morning.
You find that your intensive reading has been helping in terms of actually understanding the meetings you were attending. It made you feel better prepared and damn your sleep for it, you were glad that you felt like you were accomplishing something.
You have not been in the same room with Commander Ren for days. You have to admit that your libido kind of misses him, begging for another experience with the powerful sith. But you knew he was super busy. You understood.
Instead, you throw yourself more into your work. In brief passing where Commander Ren’s familiar dark cloak whisks by like some sort of angry, haunting figure, you hurry yourself off to your next meeting, boot heels stomping loudly against the ground as you hold yourself up high. A part of you is hoping that he sees you and takes note in your more confident state.
Investing more into your overall knowledge of the First Order helped you better understand Commander Ren’s situation as well. You mull over the state of the First Order’s operations.
The Resistance had retreated after the destruction of Starkiller base, which was a massive blow to the Order. Commander Ren had failed to retrieve a BB unit that apparently had the coordinates to Luke Skywalker, an extremely powerful force-user. Some other force-user by the name of Rey seems to have defeated Commander Ren in combat, earning him that jagged scar that you had seen across his face. Now both parties seemed to be recuperating their losses.
You were now aboard the Supremacy, master flagship of the First Order where Supreme Leader Snoke resides. You’ve never seen the man in person, but the short clips of holograms were enough to disturb you. Others in attendance of your scheduled meetings showed visible unease when discussing anything around the Supreme Leader. For some reason, you had a feeling that the mysterious leader was beginning to exert more pressure across the whole ship. Likely to keep things moving in terms of rebuilding the First Order’s strength, and faster than the Resistance.
With how impossibly large the First Order as a whole was, your life in it seemed to encompass only a very small part of the ship. Larger happenings seemed to always be occurring, but it never really affected you on a smaller level. In reality, only the past few months or so have been times where you’ve been in contact with the upper leaders of the First Order. Your previous station on Starkiller base had been boring as sin, a complete disappointment when it came to getting settled in with your new life as a scribe. You cringe at the thought of your previous superior, some older woman with a boot so far up her ass, you were surprised that she could stand as straight as she did. She was a humbling first introduction to the Order and how things worked around here.
You didn’t particularly miss the surroundings of Starkiller Base, either. A big reason for you leaving your old life behind was your desire for something new. You wanted to explore the galaxy and the offer of a position within the First Order seemed the perfect opportunity to do so. The transfer to the snowy area was at first a welcome change in scenery, but the novelty quickly wore off as you came to realize that you wouldn’t be doing any actual traveling anytime soon.
After a year or two of putting up with the monotony of that base, you were transferred to the Finalizer. The change from one planet’s atmosphere to the wide, endless vacuum of space was at least a little better. You loved looking at the stars. After finding out that Starkiller was destroyed, your view of the endless stars and planets was… extra comforting.
Now your life has been altered, your position of a much higher status that gave you insight into the First Order’s deeper plans for rebuilding. It sounds like the plan for another Starkiller to be built was in the talks, but now Supreme Leader Snoke seemed to be focused on rebuilding the fleet. From what you could glean from still heavily coded meetings, there lies an incredibly massive fleet of First Order ships far away on some planet by the name of Exegol. There must be some secret way to obtain its coordinates and you had a feeling that a big part of that task fell on Commander Ren. You couldn’t imagine how much pressure he must feel from the Supreme Leader. You certainly wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Your eyes widen in surprise as you survey your meetings for the week. Sounds like you were back to recording some meetings involving Commander Ren. You feel your heart briefly skip a beat, having missed his presence. You felt a bit nervous too, anxious to show the Commander how much use you could be for him and the rest of the Order.
You’re back in that same meeting room as before. It was one of the largest conference rooms, reserved for more important meetings like these. You take a seat as the other chairs fill with various high ranking officials. You could feel Commander Ren’s presence before he entered the room; that familiar pressure filled the air like some sort of heavy mist. You noticed the backs of some officials straighten when he strides through the doorway. Whipping out your holopad, you drag up notes you had already pre-written after skimming over the mission briefing. You swear you could feel Kylo’s eyes on you and get your suspicions at least partly confirmed when you look up and just manage to catch Commander Ren’s mask turning away from your direction.
The meeting starts and it happens to be about establishing a new nearby outpost on a planet. The populace largely held loyal to the First Order, but there had been recent reports of rebellion within a few of the more densely populated cities. You feel your heart twinge. You wanted to be there to help with the mission, but you don’t exactly feel like having your life on such a thin line like most stormtroopers do. You just crave a new perspective instead of the same thing aboard the ship every single day. Scribework will just have to do for now.
Thinking over the plans laid out for construction and elimination of opposition as you record key points, you find yourself scrunching your nose in frustration. You could tell that one ranked official that sat towards the head of the table was doing much of the talking and from what it was looking like, he didn’t know a damn thing about what he was talking about. They were going about the opposition all the wrong way. Before you could stop yourself, you find yourself interrupting the official, hand held out in question.
“Sir, if I may-”
That was an immediate mistake because you swore it only took a second for this man’s face to flush pink with anger at your interruption. He and the rest of the members look your way. His voice is clipped, irritation oozing through it.
“What? What is it? Do I need to call in another scribe to do the work for you? Interruptions are absolutely not tolerated, especially in a higher-level meeting such as this.” The man continues on and on, veins throbbing in his neck as he berates you. You resist the urge to shrink into your chair, wanting to disappear. The tips of your ears burn with embarrassment and you feel anger bubbling in the bottom of your chest, but you hold back, knowing that you’d be in far more trouble if you lashed out.
To your surprise as well as the rest of the table, Commander Ren cuts the man off. His booming voice coming from his voice modulator immediately silences the man.
“Let them speak.”
You swallow your nerves, eyes briefly flicking over to Commander Ren. After a few moments of silence, you deem it acceptable to continue your thought.
You detail a different plan than what the other official was suggesting, laying out your reasonings. You specifically dart around the implication of calling his plan wrong, but made your case for your own idea. After you finished speaking, more silence came, followed by a singular official nodding in agreement. Then another. Another seems to agree, voicing their approval for your well-thought out suggestions. Eventually the entire table agrees to move forward with your plan. That pig-headed official seemed to be seething at you, his face now bright red as he attempts to compose himself at his seat.
The rest of the meeting goes by quickly, finally ending with your plan in place. You notice that some of the officials are looking at you differently, clearly surprised that a simple scribe like you would even know anything about what they were working with. You see Kylo Ren give what seems to be a half-nod at you, easily missed by others but just caught by you. You feel your chest swell with pride, happy to be making a difference with your position. The meeting formally adjourns and the officials shuffle out of the room one by one. You notice that the one official hadn’t stopped staring at you and now was heading straight in your direction. You feel your heart drop, wanting to avoid confrontation. Before you could react, Kylo Ren steps in front of you, effectively blocking the furious official from getting any closer. He immediately stops in his tracks, rage seemingly placated by fear of the Commander. The three of you leave the room, single-file down the hallway. You sneak a smirk at the official, glad that he couldn’t do anything to antagonize you.
With Commander Ren walking behind you, you feel a heavy hand on your shoulder for a few moments. It felt… grounding. Comforting. You could be guessing wrong, but the intention felt like he wanted to say that he was proud or impressed by your tact today. It lingers for a moment longer before he parts ways down a different hallway. You feel your heart leap in your chest at his touch, cheeks briefly flushing pink before he’s gone.
Notes:
hiiiii i bring another update today!
sorry this is a bit more lore dump-y, but i wanted to establish more of the current setting and how it differs from canon. i'll be honest, i've been buzzing to post the rest of the chapters i have written up, but i'm forcing myself to be patient and allow myself days to edit and a buffer of content to let me write the next chapters in enough time. anyway i hope you guys enjoy and as always lmk what you think! <3
Chapter Text
“You’re needed at my quarters.”
Commander Kylo Ren’s voice rumbles out of his voice modulator, directed at you. It had no malice behind it, more of a general statement. He wanted to spend time with you today.
You barely bite your lip to tamper down your excitement, heart jumping in your chest. You clear your throat as you gather your belongings, meeting now adjourned. You had a few more meetings since that last one with Commander Ren, though you’ve noticed that the angry official had been absent. You briefly wonder if the commander had anything to do with that. In those past meetings, you’ve continued to have the courage to speak up about any suggestions you had regarding plan-making. They were generally met with pleasant but surprised acceptance, something that continued fueling your inner pride. Don’t get too big of an ego, you remind yourself between meetings.
Kylo Ren removes his hand from your shoulder, allowing you to walk first through the hallway out of the meeting. You nod at him, noticing now that you hadn’t actually responded.
“Of course, commander.”
You keep a brisk pace towards the commander’s quarters. Kylo Ren followed behind, but not too close. You had to be particularly paying attention to know that he was following you.
Eventually you reach the commander’s quarters, to which his door effortlessly slides open for you. You step in, only for your breath to get caught in your throat as you feel Commander Ren’s massive figure press right up against your back.
You fight the urge to jump out of your skin and take a few steps further into the room before turning around to face the commander. A small smile sneaks on your face, anticipating further action from Ren.
The commander stares down at you from his mask. His stance is rigid and you could tell that he was pent up. The air felt tightly coiled, like a spring waiting to be set free. Small flexes in the leather of his gloves don’t go unnoticed by you.
He reaches up to the releases on his helmet, the familiar hissing noises cutting through the air. His helmet slams on the ground, the clanking thud startling you. You don’t get to react much further before his hands are on you, holding the sides of your face as you’re drawn into a passionate kiss.
He’s overwhelming you. It’s as if you’re boxed in on all sides by the massive man as he alternates between kissing your neck, your cheeks, your lips. They’re desperate and needy and you were all here for it. He pulls you in close and you feel swallowed by his thick layers of dark clothing. You cling on, hands grabbing desperately at his forearms to steady yourself from falling over. You manage to get in between kisses, “Are you proud of me?”
He doesn’t let up, plush lips crashing into yours as he seems to start moving you back towards his bed. A deep growl seems to come from the back of his throat, followed by a deep “Yes,” that sets a fire down between your thighs. You’re finally pushed back onto the bed, the back of your knees colliding with the mattress, forcing you to sit down.
Kylo Ren takes a moment to pull away from you, breath heavy and cheeks flushed. He always looked so gorgeous this way. If only everyone else knew what their terrifying commander really looked like. Commander Ren seems to take a moment, contemplating his next move. He forces you to stand back up and switch places, you standing up now while the commander’s massive frame leans back on the bed. He grabs you, pulling you back onto the bed as well. You collapse on top of him and are immediately informed of his own arousal, something familiar poking at your lower abdomen through his clothing. The fire in your lower belly intensified. You missed this.
Kylo Ren forces you upright, kneeling on the bed with legs apart above him. He positions you above his face, to which he presses his face straight into your clothed thighs. You’re lucky that the First Order uniforms you are given are not paper thin, otherwise Kylo Ren would be able to see just how absolutely soaked you already were.
Even through your layers of fabric, you could feel his hot breath dance across your thigh and pussy. You squirm underneath his touch, a small moan caught in your throat. You hear his deep voice rumble beneath you, causing extra stimulation to your lower region.
“I think you deserve a reward.”
Commander Ren loops his thick fingers through the belt bands in your pants, tugging them down roughly. A sharp gasp escapes you and you quickly comply, shuffling your pants down past your knees. Kylo Ren swipes a thumb across your underwear, brushing against your clit. Your thighs flex in response.
Commander Ren seems to contemplate his actions for a moment before he catches you off-guard by quite literally tearing your panties off. The fabric rips across, completely exposing your soaked self. A tiny squeak comes from you and you feel your heart jump into your throat.
Before you could mourn the new loss of your underwear, a long moan is ripped from you as Kylo Ren presses his tongue flatly against your inner folds. Bless the stars that this man was skilled at this, because each action seems to further place kindling on the fire in your belly. His large nose presses into you while his tongue toys with your clit, rubbing the sensitive bud back and forth in a pace that makes your thighs tremble. His large hands wander past your thighs and ass, giving them a teasing squeeze before they settle comfortably around your midsection.
You find yourself lost in the sensation, eyes shut as you receive your reward from Commander Ren. If this was your reward, you’ll simply never sleep again. You’ll write a whole manifesto on rebuilding the First Order if he wanted.
You’re snapped out of your daze when you hear a growl from beneath you, followed by Commander Ren’s hands digging into the flesh of your thighs. His voice rumbles from beneath you.
“You’re holding back.”
You don’t quite understand what he means until he loops his arms around your thighs, pulling you closer to his face. Truthfully you were trying to hold yourself up by your thighs, afraid of crushing the commander’s head. However now he’s got you locked in a sitting position, squished against his face as his tongue shoves deep inside you. More moans tumble out of your mouth gracelessly as you’re caught off-guard.
Your orgasm builds up quick, coiled deep within your abdomen. Your breathing quickens and you try to warn Commander Ren, hand squeezing against one of his arms. You try to pull yourself up, not wanting to make an incoming mess but Commander Ren resists, holding you in place while his tongue darts back between shoving itself deep inside you and blessing your clit with stimulation. You end up cumming hard, thighs quaking against the sides of his head while you struggle to remain upright. You lean a hand against his abdomen, riding your orgasm out while the stars swim beneath your eyelids.
It takes a moment or two before Commander Ren gives you mercy by pulling away, a small parting kiss left on your inner thigh. You begin to catch your breath, eyes fluttering back open to look at him.
“T-that.. wasn’t too much, was it?”
Kylo Ren’s eyes were dark, large and wide as he stared back at you. He motions for you to move back, allowing him to sit up a bit.
“That’s a foolish question.”
He pushes you back more, pushing you against his throbbing clothed cock.
“We’re not done yet.”
Color floods your face when you realize that he hasn't gotten his satisfaction. He tentatively rubs against you once or twice before his hand moves to shove aside his underwear, letting his erection spring free. It slaps heartily against your ass, another throb pulsing against your skin.
Commander Ren sits up more, holding you against him. Those eyes held something dark and primal that made you ready to go all over again.
He lifts you up, then lets you sink slowly down onto his full length. You tense up a bit at the sudden intrusion before you let yourself relax, pain ebbing away into pleasure.
Commander Ren holds you close to his chest, hand pressed against your back. He leans in close to your ear, close enough for his hair to lightly tickle your cheek.
“I want to hear you scream my name.”
Commander Ren starts a fast and rough pace, hips thrusting upwards into you as he holds you firmly in place. Your moans come out jumbled, off-tune by his vicious rhythm. You let yourself go, letting Commander Ren support your full body weight as you succumb to his will. He stays leaned in close to your ear, grunting out filthy words that only further set your arousal ablaze.
It doesn’t take much time for Commander Ren to get close, likely from how pent up he was before all this. Who knows how many times he’s thought of you, wanting to ravage you so bad since your last encounter. His hips snap erratically into you, breathing quickened into your ear.
“Say my name. Say it.”
You feel yourself approaching your second orgasm, coil wound tight within your abdomen. In-between your own pants, you manage to get it out, holding onto dear life.
“Kylo!”
Commander Ren brings a hand around, rapidly thumbing at your clit until you become undone. Soon after he finds his own release, spilling deep into you with a few erratic thrusts upwards. It takes another few moments before the two of you come down from your orgasmic high, pants and sighs filling the room.
The aftercare comes the same as last time. You eventually separate from Commander Ren, cheeks flushed red at the realization of his own cum leaking down the sides of your thighs. He lets you use his bathroom, getting a quick shower in to cleanse yourself. You relish once more in the fact that his towels were so soft, much nicer than the ones you were given.
You exit his bathroom with a towel wrapped around yourself. You find that Kylo has taken the time to clean himself up and is now fully clothed again, sitting on the edge of the bed. His hand rests next to him and gives a small pat, signaling you to come over.
You sit down next to Commander Ren, avoiding eye contact. Your fingers grip the edge of your wrapped towel a bit tighter, thumb pad rubbing against the soft velvety material. You feel your heart leap into your throat, the severity of the situation sitting heavy against your chest. Here you were again, having had sex with the Commander of the First Order. Last time you had spoken, you reassured Commander Ren that you would be willing to be there for him, to listen. But anyone would do that if given the chance, wouldn’t they?
Right?
“Commander Ren, I have a question.”
You see the commander tense up, eye contact away from you. He seemed to be aimlessly looking out of the window, endless expanse of stars before the two of you.
“Speak.”
“Why me, Commander Ren?” You pause for a moment. “I mean, surely you could be doing this with any other person on the ship-”
“Who said I wasn’t?”
Commander Ren interrupts you. You stop dead in your tracks, mouth opening and closing as you fail to think of a response. Ah. Of course. The mere thought that you were the only one he was sleeping with was an incredibly foolish thought.
You feel anger swell up in your throat. Your facial expression drops, frown baked into your expression.
“Well then why me in addition to anybody else on this ship-”
“I’m not doing this with anybody else.” The commander interrupts you again, smirk on his face. He rests his forearms on his knees, slightly slouched over as he continues to stare out into the stars.
He was playing a game with you. He was trying to make you jealous. And it worked.
You huff a breath out of your nose, conceding at having fallen for his game. You respond in a small voice.
"Well... then, still, why me?"
Commander Ren is silent for a bit. He stands up, looks for a chair. He spins it around and takes a seat, facing in your direction. Then he speaks.
"I kept seeing you at the meetings. You seemed diligent, a hard worker. I kept getting distracted by your…face."
You feel giddiness bubble up in your chest. An uncontrollable smirk widens across your face as you shift your position and point in the commander's direction. "You were attracted to me!"
Even with his mask off, Commander Ren could be good at hiding his emotion. No sense of embarrassment or anger. He just stared back at you, head resting on his arms. That same piercing stare.
"I suppose I was."
You lower your hand, feeling silly at your sudden outburst of excitement. You just couldn’t help it. Commander Kylo Ren was attracted to you. A soft smile holds onto your face. Kylo stares back at you, pupils large and dark for a moment longer before he breaks eye contact. He looks off to the side and continues.
“Tell me more about Scaidu.”
He wanted to know more about you. About where you came from. You wonder if he’s ever visited the planet. Happy to connect more with him, even if it was pretty one-sided, you oblige.
“It’s… a pretty planet. Temperate, humid climate in most populated areas. A lot of cities situated towards the jungle regions. Mine was like that. Looooots of wildlife. I was told to never venture too far into the nearby jungle forests, though. Dangerous and stuff. I can’t tell you how many times I begged my mother to bring in a wild akk dog as a pet, though!”
You chuckle, shaking your head at the memory. She threw a fit the first time you brought a baby akk dog into her home. You insisted that it was your best friend’s idea, not yours! …It was yours.
“My mother belonged to a small guild of artisan metalsmiths who lived on the outskirts of one of the bigger cities. Too poor to live within the city, but made enough to get by with selling various sets of jewelry to the richer officials. I helped her out with her craft whenever I could. Maybe I’ll show you some metalsmithing tricks she taught me someday.” You give the commander a wink.
Commander Ren stares back at you through half-lidded eyes. He seemed so… calm. Not the natural state you and the rest of the First Order were used to seeing. He looked like he was ready to fall asleep. Were you lulling him to sleep through your encounters? You hope not from boredom.
The smallest hint of a smile dances across the commander’s face. The sides of his plush lips upturn ever-so-slightly, but it was all you needed for your heart to flip in your chest. Still, you didn’t want to assume that you weren’t boring him. Your cheeks flush with embarrassment.
“I-I’m sorry if this all seems a little… mundane.”
You hear a huff of breath puff out of his nostrils. Commander Ren stands back up, stretching his back. You take this as a sign that your time with him was over. Gathering your clothes, you redress yourself silently. Without underwear, though. Rest in peace, third comfiest pair of underwear from your drawer.
Another huff of breath, almost a snort from Commander Ren. You narrow your eyes, wondering if he was reading your mind. A long pause ensues before Kylo speaks to you, turned away.
“...Scaidu sounds nice.”
You smile, half to yourself, but it fades quickly. You look off into the stars. So small and tiny. Each held their own little world, trillions of individual’s own little universes.
“...Yeah, it was.”
You give a nod in the direction towards Kylo.
“Have a nice night, commander.”
With that, you head out the door towards your own quarters.
Notes:
oh kylo you bastard :] <3
a new update with a lot of smut, good amount of fluff, and a liiittle bit of angst. definitely more of all three to come in the future chapters!
as always lmk what you think! i'm super happy with all the lovely comments so far, they all make my day :'] it only gets more and more interesting from here!
Chapter Text
Home .
You open your eyes to the sight of your childhood bedroom. Soft quilted sheets cover your form, offsetting the incoming sunlight streaming from your window. Bugs trilled outside, buzzing filling your room as a natural morning alarm. You groan, rubbing your eyes as you shuffle yourself out of bed. Your stomach growled at the future prospect of breakfast. With a sheet wrapped around your sleepy self, you shuffle your way into the kitchen.
You smell the familiar scent of morning breakfast the second you hit the hallway, welcoming you to a plate set aside for you. Your mother wasn’t there.
Letting out another yawn, you plop yourself down on one of the wooden chairs and dig in. Off in the nearby distance, in another room, the familiar tink, tink, tink… sound of your mother at work bounced off the walls. Everything felt warm and pleasant. A peaceful start to your morning.
You perk up when you hear a muffled noise from a few rooms over. It sounded like your mother calling your name. Voice hoarse with sleep, you respond, “Yeah?”
She calls your name again, though it sounded more muffled. You respond again, projecting your voice a little louder. Again, still muffled. Frustrated, you stand back up, shuffling towards the hallway. The metallic sounds of her tools grew louder, and louder, until…
You wake up, back on the Supremacy. In your personal quarters. What once felt like warm sunlight gently prickling across your skin was now replaced with the sterile, frigid atmosphere that gave you goosebumps. Your mother’s working sounds gave way to the gentle, ever-present hum of the massive ship.
You let out a long sigh, staring up at the blank ceiling above you. Why did you dream of home? You haven’t dreamt of Scaidu in years.
You shake it off, forcing yourself out of bed as your alarm system suddenly starts beeping, reminding you of your busy schedule ahead of the day. You dismiss it and shuffle yourself to your bathroom.
After a quick shower and freshen-up of your face, you reach for your uniform and finish preparing yourself for the day. You’re actually a few minutes behind schedule, so instead of pouring your freshly brewed coffee into a cup, you slosh the mixture into one of your takeout cups and rush yourself out the door. Despite the change in atmosphere feeling like you were just dunked in a tub of cold water, you were still struggling to wake up. Thank the stars for caffeine.
A few more smaller-level meetings for the day, ones that were filled with pompous First Order officials that acted as if they shat liquid gold. It made your skin crawl and sometimes you would really have to fight keeping your face neutral as you record the minutes. You speak less often in these meetings, but more so from the fact that there was so little to even contribute. You found yourself shaking your head internally with some of these meetings being more than hour-long petty squabbles between a few officers, or an insubordinate stormtrooper and their superior. Truly, could this have not been handled over an email?
You end the day with a mission briefing with Commander Ren. Finally, something that actually warranted some attention. You mull over your own thoughts on today’s briefing in your head, swiping through a few notes as you attempt to connect the dots of a plan yourself.
The meeting goes smoothly. The other officials in the room seemed to be getting more used to you speaking out with your own thoughts, allowing you to incorporate your own ideas into the overall plan. While no outspoken praise has been said, you could feel a change in the overall tone of the meetings when you were around.
The meeting adjourns and just as you had likely expected, Commander Ren lets you leave first before following behind. He says to you in a quieter tone, one that almost sounds garbled through his voice modulator. “Meet me at my quarters.”
You nod, a quick “Of course, commander,” slipping through your lips as you head in the direction of Kylo Ren’s quarters.
You reach the commander’s door, greeted by a silent opening that beckons you inside. You step forward and are met with Commander Ren’s figure facing you. He was sitting in a chair, masked face resting on his hand. You step further in, letting the door slide shut behind you.
Before you could get a word in, Commander Ren’s voice bursts through his voice modulator.
“Tell me what you know of the force.”
The force? That’s… an unexpected question. You blink a few times, taken off-guard by his demand. You open your mouth, mind racking what you knew of the ancient, mysterious phenomenon.
“...Well, I know that it’s old. Been around forever. It’s typically utilized by force users, either jedi or sith. It can be used to connect with the universe around them on a deeper level, more-so than other beings. It can be used mentally for mind control, mind reading, and coercion. It can be used physically as well, for all sorts of ways that can physically manipulate another person.”
Kylo Ren’s hand tilts to the side. You couldn’t see his facial expression, but you could just feel that he somehow felt impatient.
“In what ways can the force be physically used on a person?”
Brief memories of Commander Ren’s invisible fingers toying with your clit and stretching you wide open flash through your mind, causing your cheeks to flush red. You hesitate.
“W-well… it can be used to place pressure on somebody’s windpipe, effectively choking them out. It can also be used to throw people back…” You pause for a moment, ears burning hot with embarrassment. “...A-and it can be used… for sexual pleasure.”
You hear a garbled noise come from the commander’s helmet, what you could almost assume was a butchered chuckle. “You seem to know a lot about the force’s capabilities.”
Kylo Ren reaches a hand out, and all of a sudden, you feel yourself being pushed forwards towards the man, feet effortlessly gliding across the ground. Your eyes widen, heartbeat beginning to race and heat starting to pool between your thighs.
“How about I show you more of what the force can do.”
An invisible pressure pushes itself down on your shoulders, forcing yourself to your knees. You’re lined right up with the commander’s crotch, his legs spread wide open for you. You tentatively reach a hand out to touch his clothed thigh, allowing it to slowly trace over his covered bulge. Stars, he was hard.
Commander Ren takes a hold of your chin, roughly grabbing it and jerking it up to look at him. His fingers soothingly rub at your cheek. The smell of soft leather begins to overwhelm your senses.
“Such a pretty mouth. I need to see what it can do.”
He pushes you closer, face colliding against his straining erection. Your heart beats even faster, thighs clenching together below you. You reach your hand up to the fastener, trying to keep your nervous hands from shaking. A couple moments of brief struggling occurs before Commander Ren’s cock springs free, throbbing freely in the air. You swallow, mouth dry as you stare. You’ve had your first time with the commander, and you’ve had your fair share of fun on your end, but you’ve never given a blowjob before. And his size was quite intimidating.
You take a small breath, mentally preparing yourself. You let your hand rest at the base, grabbing around his girth with a small squeeze. You bring your lips up to his tip, softly kissing the small bead of precum leaking out.
Commander Ren hisses, hands clenching against the sides of his chair. Clearly he was trying to show some restraint. You start with a few more soft kisses, tongue flatly pressing against the head of his cock. Once you muster enough courage, you take him in slowly, tongue curled around his shaft.
Another garbled noise comes from Kylo Ren’s mask, this one sounding more like a groan. His hand heads to your hair, fingers rubbing gently against your scalp. You hum in approval, something that makes his cock throb in your mouth. You try to push yourself further down, restricting your breathing to your nostrils as to try and not gag. It’s difficult, but with enough willpower you manage to get close enough down to his base.
You slowly pull yourself back, pulling away for a moment to leave a string of saliva connecting the head of his cock with your mouth. You go back in, though this time you notice a ghostly touch against your inner thigh. Then a brief passing touch against your clit.
You hum against Commander Ren’s cock again, your legs squirming underneath at the sudden interaction. You force yourself to begin a pace, supplementing whatever amount of his cock you couldn’t fit in your mouth with pumps from your fist. Another groan escapes Kylo Ren’s throat and the ghostly touches become full on fingers opening you up. Your legs instinctively part, begging for more.
“That’s right…”
It comes out quiet, heavily distorted from the commander’s voice modulator. His hand on the back of your head becomes more rigid, forcing you to keep a pace of sucking his cock. You feel yourself gag when his head hits the back of your throat, causing you to retch, but this seems to further spur him on. You desperately wanted to please him, so you continue your pace.
The commander’s force-conjured fingers continue thrusting themselves into you, stretching you out from the inside before they seemingly disappear for a moment. You almost whine out in disappointment before something much larger appears to prod at your entrance. Without any further resistance, a sort of force-cock thrusts right into you, causing you to stiffen against him. A loud moan escapes your throat, vibrating against Kylo. It’s at this that the commander stands up, a strangled growl escaping from his throat. He begins to thrust into your mouth, catching you off-guard. You simply allow yourself to succumb to his will, allowing him to use your mouth as something to fuck while his force-cock thrusts deep into you. Kylo Ren’s breaths turn heavy and ragged, distorted and crackling from his voice modulator. His cock twitched in the back of your throat; you could tell he was close.
You look back up at the mask, begging him for his finish. He obliges by snapping his hips into your mouth once or twice more before he cums deep down your throat. You flinch in surprise, desperately trying to swallow before your body could further react. After he finishes, he finally lets go of your head, pulling out of your mouth. You cough a few times, jaw sore from use.
“Such an obedient thing.”
You feel a bolt of arousal strike through your body, nerves tingling at the appraisal from your commander. It’s then that you’re reminded of his force manipulation, invisible cock prodding at your entrance once more.
“I’m not finished with you.”
Commander Ren tucks himself back in, standing up fully. His towering figure above you made you tremble in anticipation.
You’re suddenly pushed backwards, back colliding with the floor below. He pushes himself between your legs, looking down at you as you squirm underneath his gaze. He made no move to undress himself, only watch you through his emotionless, terrifying mask as you’re toyed with through his manipulations of the force. You look back up at him, cheeks burning with lust. Somehow the entire situation felt more inappropriate with clothes on.
The invisible cock slides between your folds, causing a strange sensation of wetness that simultaneously stuck to your underwear and the apparition. It penetrates you once more, splitting you wide open with a moan that rips from your chest. You brace yourself against the cold floor below, finding it harder to keep eye contact with the commander’s mask.
His force projection begins a rough rhythm, pumping fast in and out of you while you’re left on the floor to cry out in pleasure. His sensations crawl up from your lower regions, kisses and fingers grabbing skin traveling up your midsection to your breasts. The overstimulation began to swim heavily in the back of your mind. You’ve never experienced something like this before.
Your inevitable orgasm begins to build quick, hot and fast as it warms up your entire body. Your moans become more broken, faster in urgency as you try to warn the commander. He seems to lean further in, boxing you into every essence that was him. You cum hard against his projected cock, thighs clenching in pleasure. Once your interstellar high has ebbed away to the reality of your situation, feelings of the force dissipate slowly from your body. You are left feeling satisfied, but strangely empty.
Commander Ren holds out a hand to you, pulling you back onto your feet. He leads you to the nearby couch, allowing you to recline while he sits on the opposite side.
You settle yourself in, wrapping a nearby blanket around you. The entirety of the Supremacy felt cold, but somehow Kylo’s room always felt even colder. Plus his blankets were so soft. You would want to be the commander of the First Order too if it meant you got the softest blankets and towels and the biggest beds. An errant self-reflective thought drifts through your mind, wondering if all your recent desires stem from getting such poor sleep.
You’re brought back to reality by the commander’s voice.
“What was life like, growing up on Scaidu?”
You feel a warm fuzziness tickle the back of your mind. Ah. The suspected aftertalk. The beginning of a comfortable routine.
“I played outside a lot. The humidity was always a killer, but when you’re a young kid you care less about how gross and sticky you are and care more about the cool rocks you just found. Mom always let me have my fun outside, but when I got older I started having more responsibilities around the house. That’s when the book-keeping started.”
You think back to your early teen years. You had been attending school with the other nearby kids in the village and it was becoming quite apparent how skilled you were at writing. You excelled well above your other peers. If you were in a more fortunate situation, you might’ve gotten noticed by more prestigious opportunities. Those never really did come, though.
“I did a lot of the writing for my mom. She could write too, but I guess I had a way with words. An incredibly accurate and quick-thinking mindset for records, too. I quickly became her assistant in that regard.”
Your voice gets a bit quieter and you look off to the side, out through the viewport.
“When the First Order came about for recruitment, they realized that my intellect was worth more than my physical strength. That’s how I ended up where I am today.”
Kylo Ren stayed silent, observing you. You feel a flush of color rush beneath your cheeks. Minutes before he was force-fucking you to orgasm, and now the commander of the First Order sat across from you, asking for more details about your life while giving none of his own. It was a routine that was becoming more familiar, but you craved more. Your thoughts flit to his bed, wondering how Kylo is when he’s asleep. The thought of his arms wrapping around you tug at the back of your mind, a crave for intimacy you felt you were being closed off from. You hesitate for a moment before speaking again.
“Commander Ren, out of curiosity, what do you think I would want in a relationship?”
The question clearly catches Kylo off-guard. He stiffens in place, position going from guarded to defensive.
A pause ensues before his response crackles out of his helmet.
“Answers from questions that you do not deserve.”
You bristle at his response, facial expression dropping into a frown. Wow. That hurt.
You sigh a breath through your nose, hard stare directed in the commander’s direction. All you craved was more of him and you were beginning to get frustrated that you were being denied over and over, despite opening yourself and your life to him.
“Don’t get me wrong, the… intimacy we have has been amazing, but…” You bite your tongue, trying to choose your words carefully.
“I’d like to have the feeling of a normal relationship, too. At least in some regards. Some sort of equal give and take.” You wave your hand in the air, trying to be half-joking. “Like a box of chocolates every so often would be nice, y’know?”
Your attempted joke at the expense of subverting your real feelings falls flat. Commander Ren sits up straighter, fists balled at his sides.
“This isn’t a normal relationship. I’m not a normal person.”
You feel your heart drop deep into your chest. A complete stone wall, again and again. You felt like you weren’t being listened to. You don’t know why you were suspecting anything different, even if you were being this close with him. You could only come to expect intimacy in the form of sex and some praise and nothing else.
Your facial expression hardens, eyebrows pinched in frustration.
“I know you’re not. Why do you think I’ve been so nervous around you? Why do you think I STILL am? You’re Commander Kylo Ren.”
You stand up, your own fists balled at your sides. Your chest threatens to heave with emotion, to give away your hurt in the form of tears and shaky breath. You head towards the door.
“And I’m just your subordinate.”
With that, you head out the door, refusing to look back at him.
---
You reach your quarters, finally allowing the tears to spill out. You feel like you were getting nowhere with Kylo. Stupid stupid feelings.
You force yourself to head to bed, hoping that whatever dreams awaited you in sleep would help quell your worries with Commander Ren.
---
The next morning comes quick, quicker than you’d like with a harsh reminder from your set alarm. You dismiss it, blinking a few times before looking at your datapad through blurry, tired and unfocused eyes.
You happen to catch a subject line in your emails, one just sent this morning.
Apparently your shifts for the day have been canceled, fully paid for. That’s… strange. What could have caused that? You decide to not second guess it, thanking the stars that if anything came up saying otherwise, you had a paper trail that entitled you to a day off. Maybe you’ll take the time to catch up on that space drama you’ve been watching in-between your self-appointed study sessions. You lazily slide yourself out of bed, shuffling towards your coffee maker. As you reach for your premade coffee pod, you blink slowly in surprise.
On your counter sat a box of chocolates.
Notes:
hi guys!! another spicy update for you :] <3 i've been trying to write more chapters ahead so that i feel more confident posting more here in quicker succession.
hope everyone's doing okay these days! me and bf just went through tropical storm hilary. nothing too bad on our end, thankfully. just some heavier rain! as a native floridian though i wasn't as freaked out as much as others lol
hope you guys enjoy this chapter and as always lmk what you think! <3
Chapter Text
You couldn’t fight the giddy, fuzzy feeling that vibrated underneath your skin. Your cheeks felt warm and pink and it was difficult to hide your persistent grin from the rest of the ship.
Your words must have meant something to Commander Ren. He was listening to you and felt sorry. You feel a pang of regret, feeling bad for upsetting him. You let your emotions get the best of you and push yourself into expecting something that Kylo could not give you right now (if not possibly ever). You simply couldn’t expect to have a normal relationship with the commander of the First Order. You couldn’t.
And yet, there stood a box of chocolates on your countertop. Like a first gift from a nervous, starry-eyed boyfriend. Your heart leapt at the thought. Where did he get these? Did the commander actually go out of his way to buy you chocolates? The thought of his intimidating attire sitting in front of a selection of chocolates made you giggle. How cute. Cute.
What a way to describe the terrifying leader of the First Order.
You open the box, curiosity begging you to try one. The velvety box slides off with ease, revealing a set of delicately dipped chocolates, all in different variations. They looked expensive. You grab one out of its foil and pop it into your mouth.
Stars, these must have been expensive. The delicate flavors melted into your mouth, rich chocolate mixed with some sort of mocha flavoring that tasted leagues better than your cheap coffee. You make a mental note to genuinely thank Kylo whenever you see him next.
You take the rest of your day unwinding, burden-free from your typical day-to-day work duties. Time flies by as you snuggle yourself up in bed for the day, popping your new chocolates one by one into your mouth as you catch up on your space drama. As hard as it was to pull yourself away from your gift, you eventually force yourself to put them away before you clear the whole box. You wanted to at least have a few for tomorrow. Maybe you’ll melt one in your cup of coffee for some extra richness.
You head into your bathroom to take a shower. As the water ran down your back, you felt more… relaxed. Showers felt different when you weren’t rushed to get somewhere beforehand or exhausted from work. In-between lathering your hair and washing your body, you find your mind drifting back off to thoughts of Kylo Ren. Flashes of his plush lips, those broody eyes make your skin heat up, even more so under the steaming water. A funny thought pops into your mind, painting the image of your mother meeting Kylo. You snort, shaking your head as you finish up your shower. How would you even approach a situation like that? “Hey mom, I finally got a boyfriend, he’s the commander of the First Order though and can force-choke anyone he slightly disagrees with.”
You finish your day off by climbing into bed, letting the covers shield you from the freezing atmosphere of the rest of your room. You let yourself slip into sleep, briefly wondering how it would be sleeping next to Kylo Ren.
---
You wake up the next morning feeling refreshed for once. It was a shame that the First Order didn’t give more paid days off. It was something that was conveniently left out of your initial orientation. You could sit and dwell on your life choices, wondering if it would have been better to have never joined the First Order, but there’s no turning back now. You made a choice and you have to stick with it.
You smile at the box of chocolates still sitting on your counter, half-eaten. You grab another one to have with your breakfast; this one was a small square coated in dark chocolate and sprinkled with some sort of salt. Upon biting in, some sort of creamy berry mixture was inside. You’ll have to look on the back of the box to see what each flavor was. You wonder which one would have been Kylo’s favorite.
Not wanting to arrive at your first meeting late, you drag yourself away from devouring the rest of the box and quickly get dressed. You head out the door, mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead of you.
Fortunately you did not have any higher-level meetings scheduled for today. Just more menial, lower-level meetings that you were finding to be more boring by the day. You have been at this for a few years now, but ever since you’ve started applying yourself to your work, addicted to the appraisal that came with it, anything under that felt like a waste of your time. Still, in your distracted state, it was good to be tasked with something not as important. You didn’t want to make a fool of yourself… or have your higher-ranked officials question you as to why you were so happy today.
Halfway through your schedule, you head over to the local cafeteria. You grab the typical meal offered, some sort of barely identifiable porridge that looks more like sludge. You feel a beat of nausea bubble in your stomach. You’d much rather be eating those chocolates in your room right now.
You find a seat next to a few of your coworkers. They were other scribes assigned to your sector, tasked with the same rotation of meetings as you were. Minus the ones with higher security clearance, of course.
You sit next to a familiar coworker of yours, Ramona. She gives you a warm smile, dimples forming in the corners of her freckled cheeks. You’ve worked with her since your first meetings assigned on Starkiller Base. Somehow, you were fortunate enough to continue to end up in the same sector as her.
“Hey, you!” She gives a playful jab into your shoulder. “I haven’t seen you in a bit. Not since you became all big and important and stuff.” Snarky humor oozes through her voice. She feigns offense, turning away from you. “I’m surprised that you even want to sit with lower drivel like us.”
You smirk, playfully jabbing back at her. “So dramatic. If the First Order ever wants to start up some sort of drama sector to entertain the ship, you should be their first pick.”
Ramona sticks her tongue out at you, nose crinkling with mirth.
“How’s life been, though? Is everything going okay with your new meetings? None of those snot-nosed officials giving you any trouble?”
You shake your head. “Not really. I think a lot of them are actually quite impressed with some of my input. It’s been really helpful to have a better grasp on the plans talked about.”
“See, you do think you’re better than us!”
You roll your eyes. “No, I’m still the same me you’ve known for years. I just… decided to pick up a new interest. You could too, if you wanted.”
Ramona grins, shrugging her shoulders as she turns her attention back to her food. “Ohhhh, you know me. My time is already completely preoccupied with watching the newest episodes of that one drama. You know, the one that supposedly takes place on Naboo? With the whole droid affair?”
You internally roll your eyes this time. Yes, that one with a plot so dramatic and corny that you couldn’t bear to watch it. And you usually liked cheesy space dramas.
Ramona goes on and on about the latest episode, questioning how an affair with a droid could even work. Could they get plastic genitals? You let out a snort of disgust, half-playing with her as you shove her shoulder again. She laughs at your reaction. “You’re such a prude!”
Ramona looks back at you, head slightly tilted to the side. “How’s home life? Any responses lately?”
You feel yourself clam up, cold uncomfortable nerves spreading down your back. You sit up a little straighter.
“No.”
Ramona gives you a small look of sympathy, her eyebrows knitted together in worry. “You never want to talk about home. Come on, we’ve known each other for years.”
You feel yourself bristle against her sympathetic attempts to get you to open up. “I just don’t like talking about it.”
A brief beat of silence follows. She huffs out a small sigh, giving in to your refusal to share. “Fine, fine. I’ll leave it be. Tell me more about work, though.”
You detail more of your latest weeks, leaving out any confidential information… and mentions of any meetings with Commander Ren. Despite this, your mind finds itself flicking back to your moments with the commander. Focusing on his soft brown eyes. Those freckles and moles that you wanted to count on his face. You wonder if he’d ever let you connect them, trying to find constellations in it, much like the millions of stars sitting outside in space. You’re brought out of your thoughts with Ramona’s voice. She’s looking at you, a devious smirk on her face.
“Is there a boy you’ve met?”
You’re taken aback by her question, eyebrows raised. “What?”
“Look at you!” Ramona grabs your face, her grin growing wider. “You’re blushing! Something tells me you’ve met someone. Who is it?”
You immediately get defensive, your cheeks reddening further as you push her hands away. “N-no! There’s nobody.”
She gives you a smug look, eyes narrowed. “Suuure, sure. Cause right now you’re definitely thinking about that droid’s detachable plastic penis.”
The two of you burst out in laughter, with you cringing outwardly at the thought.
The rest of your lunch period speeds by with Ramona waving you goodbye. You shuffle back to the rest of your scheduled meetings, mind still floating back to thoughts of Kylo. You push through the rest of the day, eager to return back to your quarters.
You step through the doors leading to your quarters, heading straight towards your bed to collapse on. You stare up at the blank ceiling, mulling over your bland options for dinner.
You’re brought out of your thoughts by a beeping noise coming straight from your holopad. You open your messages to find two new ones from Commander Ren.
You’re requested at my quarters tonight.
I… have dinner for you.
Your heart leaps out of your chest for the second time tonight. Dinner? For you? Like a date or something? You feel like a flustered teenager again.
You head straight over to your dresser, shuffling through the swathes of gray and black, the two main colors that dominated everything aboard the Supremacy. You think over your choices, a hum sitting in your throat as you compare shirts. You eventually decide on a nice black turtleneck sweater paired with gray dress pants. Heading towards the mirror, you fix your hair again. And again. Maybe a third time just in case.
You felt so incredibly nervous, as if you were going on a first date with someone. You might’ve been doing this whole dating thing with Ren a bit backwards, but it didn’t make any bit of it less important. Plus now you don’t have to pick dinner out tonight for yourself.
You finally decide to stop messing around with your appearance and head out the door. You make a straight beeline for the commander’s quarters, avoiding as many passerby as possible. You didn’t exactly feel like being questioned, especially considering your nicer-than-usual attire at the moment.
You reach the commander’s main door, a quiet hiss greeting you with the doors gliding open to welcome you in. You step inside.
You’re greeted with the sight of Kylo seated at a table, mask off. He seemed to be initially caught mid-thought, gaze off to the side. The interruption catches his attention and his eye catches yours. He’s far off from where you were standing at the entrance, but even from there you swear you could see a special glimmer in his eye. He looked surprised.
His voice comes out smooth and deep, though you could hear that surprise confirmed in his tone.
“You dressed up.”
Your cheeks turn pink at the observation. You step forward, allowing the door to close behind you as you close the distance between you and him.
“I… yeah. This sounded special and important.”
You swear you could spot the smallest tint of pink, the slightest shade of color appearing behind his cheeks. He looks away, almost purposely avoiding your gaze now.
Now closer to the table, you see that he has a whole array of food set out. It looked delicately plated, likely by a server droid. Some things you could identify, but a lot of it looked like high-end cuisine that you’d never had the opportunity to partake in. You ate fairly simple back at home, and dining available to you and the rest of the lower-ranking First Order members was… well, if you were being honest, it was pretty abysmal. You could feel your mouth water as you scanned over all Kylo had to offer. A small thought passes by in your mind, wondering if the commander always ate like this. If he did, what a lucky bastard.
A small sound comes from Kylo, almost a cough as he looks off to the side. You look back at him, wondering if he had read your mind again.
You take a seat across from him, hoping that the growl that came from your stomach wasn’t loud enough for him to hear. You nervously play with your fingers, fingernails idly scratching against the skin.
“I… thank you, for the dinner. This is really a nice surprise. And thank you for the chocolates, too.” You let a small smile dance across your face. “They were really good.”
Kylo is silent for a moment, his eyes darting back to you. He seems hesitant, as if he doesn’t know how to react. Or what to say. You have a feeling that he doesn’t get thanked very often. He gives a sort of half-nod, eyes wide. Timid awkwardness radiated off of his body and you were finding it quite endearing. The scary leader of the First Order was treating you to a date and he didn’t seem to know how to react.
You take the further silence as an invitation to begin eating. You start with some sort of glazed bantha roast, the carmelized scent driving you crazy. The meat practically melted in your mouth, flavors of roasted meat and smoky glaze creating the perfect taste. You try to reign in your reactions, but in some regard you couldn’t help yourself. An uncontrollable grin spreads across your face and you pause frequently, savoring the flavors of your dinner. You continue on to a plate of sautéed root vegetables, followed by a thick and comforting shaak roast stew. You end the dinner with a dessert, expectations blown out of the water by the rich, decadent Vintian Mineral mousse.
The comfortable silence is broken by Kylo. He’s looking at your hand, most notably the ring on one of your fingers.
“Where did you get this?”
Your eyes dart down to your hand, fixating on your ring. “Oh!”
You let a finger run over the ring, finding comfort in its bumps, grooves and ridges. “My mother made this for me. It’s a Cracian thumper.”
You smile at the ring. It was small and delicate, finely crafted to perfectly fit your finger. The side was carved to look like a running Cracian thumper, skillful carvings coming together to create the perfect silhouette. It was subtle, but it meant all the world to you.
“One of my favorite things I used to do back on Scaidu was watch the local town’s Cracian thumper racing. I always thought they were the cutest things alive and I wanted to have one of my own so bad. I wanted to become a racer, too. We never had the money, though.” You smile softly at the memory.
“My mother knew how much I loved them and wanted to make a ring for me. Because she wanted me to start learning her craft, she wanted me to make one for her, too. Mine looked far worse, but it was a fun learning experience. I kept the one she made for me.”
You’re brought out of your thoughts when you look back at Commander Ren. He seemed to be intently looking at your ring, listening to your story. His eyelashes fluttered ever-so-slightly as his gaze focused on different grooves in your ring. His hand touched yours, fingers grazing over the top of your hand before delicately running over your ring.
You feel yourself heat up, the tips of your ears becoming warm. It was quiet moments like these that you could really appreciate how wonderful Kylo looked. His voice comes out soft.
“Your mother seems very skilled at her craft.”
You look back down at your ring. “Yeah, she is.”
“You said that you were good with writing.”
You perk up at Kylo’s statement. It was more of a question, an invitation for you to share more details about your life.
“Yeah, leagues better than smithing.” You give a small chuckle. “Despite being born from her, I clearly did not inherit her skills. My handwriting was always the best in class, clear and concise. I never get to practice it here anymore, given that everything is very… digital.”
Kylo looks away for a moment, as if contemplating something. Then he adds,
“I used to own a calligraphy set.”
Your eyes widen. “Really? I always wanted one of those fancy sets with the quills that I would see in the upper class markets. Something about written language can be so beautiful.”
The smallest hint of a smile from the commander. He continues.
“I used to hand record insights on the arcane lore of the jedi and sith. It’s a dying art.” He thinks for another moment. “I could show you.”
You feel your cheeks flush, anticipatory glimmer behind your eyes. “O-of course!”
Kylo Ren moves away from a brief moment, walking over to a nearby desk of his. The smooth black surface was littered with different scrolls and texts, stuff that you could only assume was either important documents regarding his role as commander, or those ancient lores on the jedi and sith. You’re more inclined to believe that it’s the latter.
He opens a drawer, pulling out a couple sheets of blank parchment and a fountain ink pen. The pen itself looked expensive; the casing was made of some sort of dark, marbled material, trimmed in a fine, polished gold. You could tell upon further glance that the nib has seen some use though, hinting that this was a hobby the commander was still partaking in.
Kylo heads back over to the table, moving over a few empty plates to clear space. He sets down the paper and begins to write. He starts off with a couple words, some long, fancy-sounding terms that you could assume came from his ancient teachings. Then he wrote your name.
The commander slid the pieces of parchment over to you, allowing you to have a look. You gasped, picking up the pieces to get a better look. His handwriting was gorgeous. It was as if a prince had handwritten them.
You feel yourself blush, bracing for the silly-sounding question you were about to ask. “Can I… can I keep these?”
Kylo seems initially surprised at your question. It almost seemed as if it didn’t even occur to him that his scraps of writing would be of any worth to anyone else. But they meant something to you. He pauses, thinking a bit to himself before nodding.
“...If that’s what you desire, then go ahead.”
You grin, pocketing the precious sheets of paper. You were so happy to know somebody else that appreciated the art of handwriting. Looking at the sheets again, you try to fruitlessly decipher one of the words he had written. You knew a handful of common languages spread throughout the galaxy, but this one was eluding you. “What language is this?”
“Ur-Kittât. Language of the sith.”
You look back at the written word, feeling a new sense of curiosity. And maybe a bit of fear. After revealing the origin, the paper itself seemed to feel heavier. As if it was physically affected by its knowledge.
“Oh wow.” Your voice comes out soft and quiet. “You probably know a lot of different languages, huh?”
“Yes.”
You try to think of a few languages that you knew about, but did not speak or write fluently. You give the commander a small smirk. “Well I bet you don’t know Shyriiwook.”
“I do know Shyriiwook, actually. Language of the wookiees.”
Your eyes widen and you fail to fight back a smile. What?
“Really?”
Your eyes betray you, full of mirth as you stifle a giggle. Commander Kylo Ren, head of the First Order, knows how to speak with wookiees? Why in the stars would he possibly know that?
Before you could get an answer, you’re interrupted by a silver humanoid droid entering the room. The droid gives a sort of bow to the commander. It heads over to the table, to which it starts effortlessly cleaning up the array of empty dinner plates.
You find yourself staring at the droid, marveling at its efficiency. You lean your chin back on your open palm. “Do you find droids interesting, commander?”
Commander Ren looks at the droid, then back at you. “I find them to be useful.”
“Well they definitely are useful. But they can be fun little companions, too.” You think to the handful of smaller astromech droids you would catch whizzing back and forth in the busy alleyways of the city. “Almost like pets. I’d love to have one someday.”
A beat or two of silence follows your statement, only broken by the quiet shuffling sounds of the silver humanoid droid cleaning up your mess. Commander Ren seems contemplative.
“Consider it done. You’ll have a new droid delivered to your quarters by tomorrow.”
Wait, what?
You find yourself briefly losing your balance, chin falling out of your perched hand. You sputter out to Kylo. “W-wait, really?”
Kylo Ren gives you a look, slightest shrug tugging at his massive shoulders. “It wouldn’t take much to arrange. Besides, a droid could benefit you in your line of work, yes?”
You think about it for a moment. In all honesty you’d be more interested in a droid for its company, but practically it would be nice to have something other than your holopad to rely on when it came to keeping up with your job. You feel your heart swell, not knowing how to take all these sudden acts of kindness from Kylo. You give him another smile, one that shone with gratitude.
“Thank you, Kylo.”
You find yourself excitedly thinking about what you could do with a new droid. You start thinking aloud, standing up and pacing around the room. “Oh I could finally start that file transfer in order to clear up space on my holopad. Or maybe I could just keep both as a backup. Stars knows that some of those logs with the minutes are getting quite large, especially that-”
The minutes.
Your minutes for today. You haven’t submitted them.
You feel your blood run cold, shock blowing your eyes wide. Stars, how the fuck did you forget?
“My minutes.”
You freeze in place. You can’t let them go unsubmitted for today. You’re not about to get a stern talking to by one of those braindead superiors that think they’re born better than you. You give an apologetic look to Kylo, running a nervous hand through your hair. Of course, you left your holopad in your quarters.
“I’m reaaaal sorry, but- I need to get back to my quarters to finish those minutes.” You glance at the nearby clock. “If I don’t submit these to General Perrnat by midnight tonight, he’ll for sure have my head.” You rush over to where Kylo was still sitting, who was looking at you right now as if you had two heads. His mouth opened as if he were about to say something, but he decided against it. You grab his hands, giving them a small squeeze. “I really appreciated tonight. This really meant a lot to me.” You give a tighter squeeze.
“I want to do this again. If I agree to teach you a smithing technique or two from my mother, you’ll teach me how to write in a few different languages I don’t know, yeah?” You turn away from the commander, ready to rush out the door.
“You have a great rest of your night, commander.”
You’re about to leave, but something tugs at you, anchors you to the spot you’re in. It’s the strangest feeling, but something in you seems to turn on autopilot. You turn back around.
“Oh, one last thing!”
You reach over and grab Kylo’s cheeks, pulling him into a fast and passionate kiss. It’s rough and needy, your lips nearly crash colliding against his own, but it matched your sense of urgency. You finally pull away, giving him one last wave before you rush yourself out of his quarters.
Commander Ren is left in his quarters alone, minus the silver droid. It seemed to be shocked itself, having temporarily stopped its cleaning duties. It slowly starts up again, leaving the room to have Commander Ren be fully alone.
Kylo sits back in his chair, wide eyed and deep in thought. His hand idly rubs at his cheek, right where you had just grabbed him. He could still feel the ghost of your lips on his, such a rushed and needy kiss. So confident, too.
Commander Ren had been watching you for a while, long before any interaction between the two of you occurred. He thought you were attractive, sure, but… there is something else pulling him to you. He can’t quite put a finger on it. Some sort of tangible motion tugged him closer to you, begging him to find out who you really were. The stronger the feelings became, the more Commander Ren readjusted your schedule behind the scenes to coincide your meetings with his. He secretly admired your timid nature before, but this new you… it was igniting something deep within him. For one of the first few times, Commander Kylo Ren feels you tugging at his heartstrings. And it was scaring him.
Kylo lets out a long sigh, staring out deep into the expanse of space. Those endless stars. Kylo couldn’t stop thinking about how enamored you were with them. This was something that was becoming a harder fight in the commander’s mind. He wasn’t even exactly sure if he wanted to fight it.
You were becoming a deep ache for Commander Kylo Ren.
Notes:
hiiiiii i'm back with another update!! a thicker one this time with a whooooole lot of tooth-rotting fluff :] this is probably one of my favorite chapters i've written so far. soft kylo will be the death of me.
once again i'll be trying to update at least on a weekly basis, but this might fall a bit behind. i have more chapters written out, but some are further out into the plot and i still need to fill the pieces in. trying to allow myself ample time to edit as well. i'm honestly really shocked at myself for writing this much so far!!
i dont wanna give a chapter estimate just yet, but we're abouttttt...... maybe a quarter of the way there?? maybe a little less than that?? depends on how thick i write each arc. we'll be finishing the first arc like next chapter or so.
ANYWAY i really hope you enjoy!! as always let me know what you think! <3 i super super appreciate all the love and comments so far, they really brighten my day!!
Chapter 10
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A request from the Supreme Leader.
Kylo Ren makes his way to the throne room, tense nerves running down the side of his back. Other First Order employees hastily clear the way for him, sensing the frustration and unease in the air. Supreme Leader Snoke had made a request to speak to Commander Ren this morning, relaying a sense of urgency. No one would dare question the Supreme Leader.
The throne room opens, two Praetorian guards flanking the sides of the doorway. They lead behind Commander Ren, following him to the main room as the door slides shut behind them.
The room seemed impossibly red, the walls seeped in the rich color. Praetorian guards sat stationary in all aspects of the room, their armor just as blindingly scarlet as the rest of the room. In the middle of the large area sat a throne, and on the throne sat the Supreme Leader.
Snoke’s head leans back up, alert at the presence of Commander Ren. Kylo stays silent, approaching the throne before kneeling down into a bow. His voice rumbles deep through his helmet’s voice modulator, a rare admittance of subservience. Commander Ren was higher ranked than anyone else aboard the Supremacy, but no one was higher than the Supreme Leader.
“Supreme Leader.”
Snoke stays silent for a moment, as if he was contemplating Kylo’s presence. A rumbling hum comes from his throat, deep in thought. His tone is eerie, more terrifying in-person.
“The wayfinder. You still haven’t found it.”
A brief pause. Commander Ren shakes his head slowly.
“No, Supreme Leader.”
A noise of disgust from the back of the Supreme Leader’s throat. Impatience.
“You are disappointing me, my apprentice. The Resistance grows their power against us each day. And here you sit, floundering in your failure to advance our forces.”
An invisible pressure settles in the room, weighing down on Kylo Ren’s back.
“I assure you, we are committing all of our resources to locating the wayfinder. I will not rest until it is found.”
Another contemplative noise from Supreme Leader Snoke. He places a finger alongside his withered skin, eyes narrowed as he peers down at Kylo Ren.
“I don’t believe that you are committing your full attention to our search. You’re distracted .”
The word comes out cracked, anger splitting through the Supreme Leader’s voice. He clenches a fist, forcing Kylo Ren to come closer to him. A long hand reaches out to the commander, roughly taking hold of his helmet. Snoke forces Kylo Ren to make direct eye contact with him.
“That lowly scribe. You are letting yourself be distracted by them.”
A few brief memory flashes of you speed by in Commander Ren’s mind. His breathing stops, fear of the Supreme Leader’s retaliation kicking in. The pressure in the room increases, weight even heavier upon the Commander’s whole being.
Supreme Leader Snoke clenches his fist further, causing an immense amount of pressure from within Kylo Ren’s helmet. A choking sputter comes out of the commander’s helmet, heavily distorted by a now crackling voice modulator.
Supreme Leader Snoke’s voice comes out sinister, a heavy-handed threat directed towards the commander.
“I suggest that you realign your priorities. Before I make you.”
The pressure then suddenly stops, leaving Kylo Ren’s body slack. A few stifled coughs escape his helmet, a fruitless attempt to regain his composure. Kylo Ren stares back at Supreme Leader Snoke, eyes wide behind the mask.
“I will not fail you, Supreme Leader.”
Snoke grins, leaning back into his throne. Without a further word, he waves Kylo Ren away, suggesting that their meeting was complete.
Commander Ren leaves the throne room.
You wake up to a timid beep. The beeping grows louder, louder still before a sharp metallic poke in your cheek jolts you awake.
You look around, trying to gather your thoughts. You were in your quarters. On your bed.
Your holopad sat next to you, file open. You had sent the minutes in before the deadline. Thank the stars.
You rub your cheek, blurry eyes looking around the room for the culprit. To your surprise, it settles on a little droid. A tiny AL-T model. A small utility droid, about half the size of a typical astromech R-series unit. It was colored jet black, trims of gunmetal highlighting different parts of its main body.
The droid lets out a small trill, some sort of noise that sounded like it was happy that you were awake. Was this the droid that Commander Ran had gotten you? It was… terribly cute. How did it get in here, anyway? Did Kylo deliver it himself? Oh stars, he didn’t see you sloppily passed out on your bed, did he?
You wave away your embarrassment when your attention is brought to the new messages on your holopad. They were from Commander Ren.
I have delivered your new AL-T model droid to your quarters. I hope that this will properly aid in your assigned duties.
…I had a nice time last night. Thank you.
Your memories of last night with the commander flood your mind again. He actually opened up to you this time. It only made you crave him more.
Your new droid chirps again, directing your attention back to it. You think it wants a directive.
You grin, giving the droid a small pat on its head. “Your main job for me is to be cute and keep me company. But if you need an additional job…”
You spend the next hour or so porting some of your backup files onto the droid. Fortunately, you had been awoken an hour earlier than your usual routine, allowing you the time to get ready before heading to your assigned work schedule. As you converse with the droid, you’ve taken to sort of giving it a nickname, “Eltee” rolling off your tongue from a bastardization of its droid model designation. You finish your morning routine and stride out of your quarters onto your first meeting.
The first half of your shift comes and goes rather quickly. A few officials questioned the presence of your new droid, but were quickly silenced when you show the official order from Commander Ren. You head towards the cafeteria, ready for lunch.
You spot Ramona and the rest of your designation at their usual table. Ramona gives you a friendly wave before fixating on Eltee rolling up behind you. Her eyes widen and you’re sure that she’s holding back a squeal before she runs over to the droid.
“Oh my stars.”
Eltee beeps in surprise, abruptly stopping in front of Ramona. She places a hand on the top, slightly moving with Eltee’s rotation. “A droid? How did you manage to get this?” She pauses for a moment, rubbing her chin as she follows you to the main cafeteria line. “Surely you weren’t saving up money for that long. Even then, I’m pretty sure that you need prior authorization from an upper official, and those aren’t easy to come by…”
You get your typical meal, barely edible-looking sludge slopped onto your tray before you head back to your usual seat. You bite the inside of your lip, endless questions from Ramona putting more pressure on you. Your cheeks briefly flash with heat as you think back to Commander Ren.
Ramona is sitting on the edge of her seat, excited eyes wide and directed at you. “Well? Tell me! And not only ‘cause I want one, too.” She coos at your droid like it was a child, earning a couple beeps in response.
“Ah… Commander Kylo Ren… approved it for me.” The words come slow out of your mouth, each word sounding stranger than the last. Your relationship with Kylo was mostly behind the doors of his quarters. You knew the Kylo that loved calligraphy and history and had the most gorgeous moles and freckles and warm, deep brown eyes. Everyone else only knew the Kylo that choked people to death on a whim, slashing everything in his path, endless surges of rage destroying everything that came into contact with him.
Ramona’s smile immediately drops and her face becomes a bit paler. Her voice comes out much smaller than her usual loud and boisterous tone.
“Kylo Ren approved it for you?”
You open and close your mouth a few times, trying to formulate a proper answer. The fear that shone deep behind Ramona’s eyes, much like everyone else's, and once your own, was very present.
“Yeah, uh… he had told me that he was… impressed with my work, but wanted further improvement. He thought it would be best for me to have a droid to help with my scribe work at my higher-level meetings.” Yeah, definitely lean into that. “There’s a lot more work needed to be done at those types of meetings, so having the assistance of a droid really helps out.”
Ramona stays silent for a moment longer. She looked… confused. And still deeply terrified of the mere thought of Commander Ren. You decide to lighten the mood, not being able to stand the heavy presence of anxiety in the air, especially with your friend. You pick up your droid, setting him between you and her. You give him a small tap on the head.
“His name is Eltee.”
You see her shoulders relax, demeanor relaxing as she fixates on Eltee again. She lets out a snort, looking around the body of your droid. “You sure he’s not like… I dunno, wiretapped by Commander Ren? To spy on us scribes?”
“Well if he is, I think Commander Ren is going to get really bored of all the space dramas we watch. Or hey, maybe he’ll get super into them, too.”
That earns a loud, hearty laugh from Ramona, her hand slapping you against the knee before she supports herself against you.
The rest of your lunch hour goes by relatively well. You give further updates on your life to Ramona, show her different things that Eltee could process for you. Before you know it, Eltee beeps at you, reminding you of your next incoming meeting.
“Alright alright, well before Eltee starts bumping into me like a needy dog, I better start getting to my next meeting. Glad I could show him to you, though. And it was good catching up.”
Ramona gives you a quick side hug before allowing you to scoot off the bench. “It’s always good catching up! Next time I’ll have to update you on the finale of that Naboo drama. The theatrics have only gotten crazier!”
You give a small snort, shaking your head as you turn away. You’re stopped however by Ramona’s hand grabbing your wrist. She says your name, and it sounds weird, almost a bit strained. Or concerned.
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been reporting a lot more directly to Commander Ren.” You turn back to look at her. She’s looking directly at you, worry pitted deep in her eyes. She gives your wrist a small squeeze.
“Be careful.”
You’re taken off-guard by her response, not sure how to react. You pause for a moment before wordlessly nodding your head at her, eyes wide. She finally lets go of your wrist, frown turning into a warmer, farewell smile. She waves at you. “I’ll see you around!”
You wave back before turning around and leaving the cafeteria.
You think deep in your mind, allowing yourself to autopilot to your next destination. You idly rub your hand around your wrist where Ramona held you, eyebrows furrowed. That was extremely weird. What in the stars did she mean by that, exactly? Commander Ren was known to be a dangerous person, but something about that felt strange. Maybe she was just concerned for your well-being. You suppose if your places were switched, you would do the same to her. Perhaps you should feel grateful to have a friend on this ship who is interested in you staying alive.
As you silently walk your way through the ship, passing by crowds of First Order employees scurrying to their next location, something seems to prick at the back of your neck.
Something seemed off.
Footsteps sounded like they were behind you, hurried, in your direction. The hair on the back of your neck bristles like spines and you whip yourself around, only to be confronted with a young man. He was about eight feet away from you. Arms crossed behind his back, staring directly at you. He had this wild, wide-eyed stare. It caught you off guard, enough for you to stumble a step back.
His voice rang out clear, no hesitation. He stated your name. “That’s your designation, right?”
You blinked once. Or twice. “Yes,” you replied, wondering if this was some kind of joke. Were you in trouble? Or maybe this man was new to the Order. Maybe he was just scared and confused and was directed to you for something. You couldn’t blame him exactly. You felt the same way when you first joined the First Order’s ranks. Starkiller Base was a massive maze filled with angry, overworked and terrified people. The Supremacy was even more massive.
You give the man a small smile, hoping to relieve some of his stress. “You must be new here, right? I’ll admit, I’m a little surprised they sent a new recruit to speak to me.” You hold your hand out halfway, hoping to extend some sort of greeting to him. The man’s eyes stay wide, unnatural, before a smile breaks out on his face. He nods, a nervous huff of air puffing out of him.
“Yes, yes I’m new.” All of a sudden, he clears the distance between the two of you in a few steps. You stiffen up, instinctively leaning back. Who the fuck was this guy?
His eyes stare directly into you, seemingly soulless. “You’re in close contact with Commander Kylo Ren, yes?”
This question really takes you off guard. How the fuck does he know that? Was this being spread throughout the Supremacy somehow? Has someone kept a close tab on your whereabouts, seeing you and the commander together? You give him an incredulous look, shaking your head. “How do you-”
The air is sucked out of your lungs when he places a firm hand on your back, followed by a sudden blooming pain in your abdomen. Next thing you know, the man backs away from you, turning into a sprint as you stumble backwards. Your hand frantically palms the searing pain in your stomach, only to be met with bright crimson smeared across your skin. He stabbed you.
Your mind quickly goes black, turns to static as thoughts frantically rush through your mind. You can barely feel anything else, focus on anything else but the pain as you stumble backwards further. You can hear yelling, followed by shuffling of feet. You see several stormtroopers tackle the man, followed by a few nearby workers scrambling to you as you completely lose your footing. All you could hear was your panicked breathing, heavy and loud in your own ears as you continued pressing against your new wound. People were yelling things back and forth above you, but you couldn’t really hear it. The last thing you could hear over the blood pounding in your ears was a blaster shot. Then nothing.
Notes:
HIIII here with another update! sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger <:] but hey things are only gonna get more interesting from here on, right?
i'll try to push myself to write a few more upcoming chapters so that i have enough content to post in the coming weeks. this past week i've been swamped with work, transferring files to a new pc and honestly playing starfield since that came out. it's gonna be hard pulling myself away from it to do other stuff ngl!!i hope you guys enjoy this chapter though!! lmk what you think <3 i'll see you next update in about a week or so!
Chapter 11
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A whirring, howling screech. A sound that terrified many people across the galaxy, one that signified incoming First Order units breaching the atmosphere. Clusters of TIE fighters flew across Scaidu’s cloudy sky.
You sat at the dinner table with your mother. Various flyers were clenched in your hand, brandishing various First Order propaganda. They were distributed throughout the town for the past few weeks and you had managed to grab a few for yourself.
They detailed the benefits of working for the First Order. It boasted a moderate pay range of credits, better healthcare than most planetary systems, and best of all, the ability to travel around the galaxy. That’s what meant the most to you.
You look over the flyers, brow furrowed. Your mother sits opposite from you, enjoying a cup of coffee while she reads the local newspaper for your town.
“I think I’m going to apply for the First Order.”
Your statement catches your mother off-guard, a sputtering noise of her choking on her coffee coming after. She clears her throat, shaking her head viciously before mustering the ability to speak.
“No, you absolutely will not.”
You feel the hairs on the back of your neck bristle at your mother’s immediate opposition. She’s been like this for years, never wanting you to pursue anything that would actually let you leave this planet. You fight the urge to grit your teeth, instead reminding yourself to breathe slowly through your nose.
“I wouldn’t be joining as a stormtrooper. They have openings for scribes. I’d be perfect for that.”
“And who is going to help with the bookkeeping at home? Hmm?” Your mother sets down her newspaper, glaring at you. You glare back at her.
“Mom, you know that you can do it well enough yourself. At worst, you can hire somebody else to do it. I’m not going to be free labor forever.”
“I provide you with a roof over your head.”
“You would do that anyway.”
A bolt of anger rushes through your mother, glare soured into an angry frown at your disrespect. Her voice comes out clipped. “You are not joining the First Order.”
You sigh, pinching your temples in frustration. “It’d be a great way for me to visit other places. I could climb the ranks, too. And it offers a much higher pay in credits. We could use that money to help ourselves out.” You make a motion to your mother’s work room. “I know some of your tools are about to fall apart. We need that money.”
Your mother shakes her head, standing up to put her empty coffee mug away. “I’m not letting you join that predatory organization. You know what they do to other planets. The gall they even have landing here…”
You slam your fist on the dining table, making the papers on it jump and flutter onto the ground. “And that’s exactly why I should join now. Before I don’t have a choice.”
Your mother looks back, startled and further upset by your outburst. Her face is twisted with anger, but some genuine worry and panic set in as well. She says your name, the word slightly cracking in her throat. “It’s dangerous.”
Dangerous.
The word rang in your head, the last thing sticking to your memory before you realize that you’re suddenly staring at a black ceiling. A few blinks briefly bring you back to reality. Where were you?
You rack your own brain, trying to recollect what had happened to you. Then you remember. The man who stabbed you.
Panic creeps in-between your veins, pulling you to palm at the area where you were stabbed. You find a thick layer of gauze protecting the area, the rough woven material preventing you from disturbing the wound. You briefly try to sit up but are immediately hindered by a sharp-shooting pain that runs from your injury.
A nearby alarmed beeping noise cuts through the silent air. You look around to find a medical droid whizzing towards you. You think it was not pleased that you tried to sit up. You put two and two together and realize that you’re in the Supremacy’s medbay, sitting in a bed. The droid ushers you to take caution, likely not wanting to aggravate your injury further.
You’re brought out of your scared and confused thoughts when a heavy presence enters your mind. It’s quickly followed by a muffled pair of heavy footsteps sounding like they were heading your way. The door to your room slides open and reveals Kylo Ren.
He looks disheveled, chest heaving. He frantically finds the releases of his helmet and slams it on the ground, revealing his face to you. His breaths come out clearer now and his fists are balled at his sides. He looked… scared. It was the first time you’ve ever really seen such an emotion in him. Though upon seeing you, it seems like his expression is softened with a touch of relief. Kylo Ren says your name, the sound of it warming you. Like a blanket wrapped around you. You wanted to sit up and reach over to hug him, but you didn’t want to aggravate your wound any further.
Kylo sits down in a nearby chair, a hand running through his hair. You silently muse to yourself that you’ve noticed it as a nervous tic of his. You speak to him, though it’s weird hearing your voice sound as hoarse as it was. It crackled in your throat.
“Who was that man?”
Kylo pauses, contemplating what to say. Two gloved fingers press against his temple in deep thought. He looked frustrated.
“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong. I had thought it was a resistance spy, but nothing came up as a lead to that. I accessed his full employee profile, but nothing odd came up. No signs of mental illness or distress.” A deep sigh comes out from him. He closes his eyes, but you can tell by his other body language alone what he was feeling. Guilt.
“I should have been there to help you.”
You open your mouth before closing it, deciding against what you were going to say. He couldn’t have possibly known what was going to happen, especially if there was nothing alarming noted in the man who attacked you. That sets a deep unease in your stomach. Something felt horribly wrong, like someone was out to get you. You have a feeling that telling Kylo that it wasn’t his fault would only make him push back more, create further feelings of anger and guilt that he already held over the situation.
You place a hand over your bandaged wound, fingers lightly pressing against the fabric. A small, sharp twinge of pain spreads across the area. Instead of focusing on Kylo’s feelings of guilt, you focus on your own feelings of helplessness. You felt so utterly helpless in that situation. Despite working with the First Order for years now, you’ve never been in any sort of immediate danger. There was nothing you could have done to defend yourself. And that felt terrifying .
You look off in the distance, chin resting against the palm of your hand.
“I want to start training myself.”
Kylo looks up at you, confusion written on his face. You add to your statement.
“I-In self-defense, I mean. I felt so scared in that moment and I never want to feel that way again. I don’t want to have to rely on others to help me.” A small pause. You look directly at Kylo. “I want you to train me.”
Kylo’s eyes are wide. He stays that way for a few moments before a small smirk betrays him, showing his small thoughts of humor at the situation. You, a small scribe, not built in any way for combat, was asking Commander Kylo Ren, leader of the First Order, to personally train them. A small, soft snort escapes Kylo as he shakes his head. “I’m not going to train you.”
You feel heat rise to your cheeks, feeling a little foolish. It reminds you a little of your late interactions with your mother. You’re sick of being coddled.
“Why not? I can handle it! I want to be able to properly defend myself.” Your voice becomes a little softer, your frustrated expression melting away. “You can’t always be around for me. I need to be able to take care of myself.”
You could tell that Kylo was debating himself internally, shaking his head as he looks at you, then off to the side of the room. Another sigh escapes him, though this one was deep and rumbling. He has to admit, it wouldn’t be the worst idea to have you trained in self-defense. You were right; Kylo would not be around all the time to watch you. Something on the ship seemed to be changing and he had a feeling that only more danger would be coming your way. A small, quick thought of Snoke passes by Kylo’s mind.
Kylo concedes. He stands up, walking towards your bed. You lay back a bit, feeling his overall presence begin to envelop you. It was times like these that you were reminded of how massive Kylo Ren was. In every sense of the word.
“Fine. I’ll start training you. But not today.”
Before you could protest, he continues. “I want you to start training with the lower-division stormtrooper defense course first. Once you get a strong grasp from that, then I’ll see to start training you myself.”
You reluctantly agree, knowing in your mind that training on a lower level first would likely be the best course of action. You nod in acceptance.
Kylo Ren looks at you, something burning deep behind his eyes. He looks like he wants to move closer, but stops himself. A small beep comes from behind him, one that didn’t come from the nearby medical droid.
Kylo looks down, eyebrow slightly raised. Then he seems to remember.
“I… brought your droid here. I didn’t want it getting lost or stolen.”
You look down to see Eltee, who chirps again at the sight of you. You feel a pang of regret, feeling bad for the droid. You just barely had Eltee for a day and already you had gotten yourself horribly injured. Poor thing was probably terribly worried about you.
You smile and wave at Eltee, then turn to smile at Kylo. “Thank you.”
He clears his throat, briefly looking away to break eye contact. He definitely still had to get used to being thanked for things. He continues.
“Don’t worry about your position. I’ve made sure to secure it and allow time for you to heal.” He looks back at you and that intense fire behind his eyes is back again. “I just need you to rest for now, okay?”
You feel your cheeks flush pink. Your heart leaps into your throat and you nod. A soft “Okay,” escapes your mouth.
Kylo Ren leans in closer, a hand against the railing of your bed. His other hand reaches to touch your chin, the leather gently rubbing at your skin. His voice comes out low, which rumbles extra deep in his chest.
“Can I kiss you?”
You smile, grin crinkling the sides of your eyes. You grab his face and pull him into a kiss, soft lips crashing against his.
Thank the stars you felt as safe as you did with someone like Commander Kylo Ren.
Notes:
hiiii i'm back with a new update! sorry for the long wait 3 starfield came out and i've been super immersed in that. ngl i want to write a fic for that too sometime haha... i need to finish this one first though!! <:]
i need to spend some time writing upcoming chapters. hoping that my current fixation on starfield will help fuel motivation for writing anything sci-fi, including star wars! ngl i can't wait until all the star wars-related mods come out for the game <33
anyway i'll see you next update, as always lmk what you think! <33
Chapter 12
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Stars, you didn’t think recovery would be so boring .
You had spent the past week and a half recovering from your sudden stabbing in the medbay. You’ve had all the time in the galaxy to read and watch all you could desire on your datapad. You were getting incredibly antsy, and now with Kylo Ren’s agreement to train you, you couldn’t wait to get started.
Kylo visited you in your room when he could. Soft kisses and warm embraces often followed. You missed being intimate with him too, but no matter how much you seemed to hint at it, Kylo gently pushed back, shaking his head and reinforcing the importance of you healing first. You knew that he couldn’t hide that smirk on his face, though.
After what seemed like an eternity, you were cleared for returning to your quarters and your work. Another few days and you would be cleared for training.
You spent the days heavily occupying yourself with your work, focusing on catching up with whatever you missed. Things didn’t seem to be different-- certainly nobody treated you any different. It was as if you had never left. You kind of prefer to keep it that way.
You have noticed that Kylo pays far more attention to you in his attending meetings, though. His attention seems to constantly gravitate towards your form. After the meetings finished, he started offering to walk you back to your quarters. Well… less offer , more demand .
You agreed on the basis of getting any extra bit of time to spend with the commander. Just walking side-by-side made your insides feel warm and fuzzy. Comforting.
Stars, sometimes you felt like you were in your own space drama. If you were watching yourself in a tv series, you were sure you’d be rolling your eyes at the gushy feelings you were experiencing right now.
You do appreciate Kylo looking out for you, though. Since the incident, you’ve become… more paranoid. Small noises close to you have caused you to jump more often. When you’re walking alone, you find yourself glancing back too many times to count. Or you have Eltee patrol behind you.
Once you’re officially cleared for training, you take up a basic Stormtrooper-level defense class. Your schedule becomes quickly occupied with scribe work in the day, training at night. Your free time becomes shorter and you find yourself rushing between your meeting rooms, the training area, and your quarters briefly to eat, sleep, or change clothes.
You hate to admit it, but the first few classes were rough . You found your form clumsy and your techniques weak and rudimentary. You had fallen on your ass more times than you could count, but the burning embarrassment flaming behind your cheeks got a little better each time you practiced.
Before long, you were starting to get the hang of things. You started being able to properly hold yourself off from your fellow teammates. What you lacked in strength, you began to make up in dexterity and agility. Some of your stronger, larger teammates were being beaten out by you through some quick and clever dodges and counterattacks. You’ve noticed in the mirror that your arms and legs seemed a bit more defined, some beginner muscle definition starting to form.
More recently in these past few weeks, you’ve noticed that Kylo doesn’t seem to hold back on your relationship anymore. He doesn’t seem to be afraid of showing favoritism to you in meetings, much to the nervous disappointment of other colleagues. No one would dare speak out against him. He also started regularly walking you right out of meetings when they ended, arm wrapped tight around your waist. You openly embraced it. At this point, you felt silly hiding your relationship with Commander Ren. Minus Supreme Leader Snoke, nobody else was higher in rank than Kylo, so if they had shit to say about you or your relationship, they’d ultimately have to deal with him. And knowing the past scars of lightsaber burn marks in the various walls of the Supremacy, most First Order employees are not dumb enough to do that.
You currently sit in on a meeting regarding the reformation of the First Order’s stormtrooper army. This was the first meeting you are attending with General Armitage Hux in attendance.
You have heard of General Hux before, how he looked and acted from various other coworkers who have seen or dealt with him. More importantly, you’ve heard of Kylo’s opinions on the man, and they… weren’t pleasant.
General Hux held himself with a sort of snobby self-importance that beat out all the other incredibly annoying First Order officials you’ve had to deal with. A true intergalactic feat.
The rest of the room readies themselves for the meeting to begin. You take your seat, Eltee strolling up behind you to bring up a few important pre-authorized documents for you to look over. You’re briefly brought out of your thoughts on the meeting’s initial notes by Hux’s voice directed at you.
“So this is our attending scribe? The one that has somehow climbed the ranks seemingly overnight, despite nothing particularly special about them?”
The hairs on the back of your neck bristle in anger. You immediately stop typing and glance up, glare embedded deep in your expression.
You take a moment to mentally compose yourself, air huffing slightly out of your nose. You respond, looking back at your pre-meeting notes.
“Now now, General, no need to feel so threatened. Give it a few more weeks and I might be coming for your job next.”
A small choking, sputtering noise comes from General Hux, as if he briefly choked on his own spit. You fight hard to hold back a smirk. A quick glance back up at the general confirms your sweet victory; Hux’s face is beet red, matching his ginger hair as he stares at you furiously. Before he could open his mouth for a response, Kylo’s voice booms throughout the meeting room.
“Enough wasting time. General, how about you finally start this meeting and show us a proper excuse for keeping your human stormtroopers?”
You silently thank Kylo for cutting Hux off, knowing too that he probably found satisfaction at making the scrawny general squirm. General Hux clears his throat, clearly trying to pull his attention away from your snide remark and to the defense of his stormtrooper army.
The meeting drones on, though it was made a bit more eventful by the palpable rivalry seen between Commander Ren and General Hux. With every point that Hux seemed to make, Kylo had a counterpoint, and vice versa. What started to turn into shouting matches were briefly broken up by Captain Phasma, who stood guard towards the end of the meeting table.
The meeting ended on a sort of indecisive cutoff, neither parties able to come to a proper conclusion regarding the future plans for the First Order’s stormtrooper army. The general consensus at the moment seemed to be that the First Order would continue utilizing its highly-trained human population, but Kylo warned Hux that he would need to see better results or the proposed plan of switching to clones would be brought into place.
You finish up your meeting notes and leave the room, followed close by Kylo Ren. Looking around briefly to confirm you were out of earshot from the general, you quietly talk to Kylo.
“I bet you liked watching him squirm, didn’t you?”
“Maybe a little.”
You fail to hide your smirk this time, a small snort of laughter escaping you. Kylo’s hand that was holding your waist briefly drops lower. He moves closer to you while walking, his voice deep and rumbling behind the voice modulator.
“I think I like watching you squirm more, though.”
Your cheeks immediately heat up, a small pool of fire warming your lower abdomen. A distorted chuckle escapes Kylo’s mask at your reaction. His hand moves back up to your shoulder, giving it a small squeeze before he starts to move in a different direction.
“I will see you after your last meeting.”
You nod, a small “okay” escaping your lips as you wave Kylo goodbye. Shaking your head, you attempt to regain your focus and head towards the cafeteria for lunch.
It’s been quite a while since you last visited the cafeteria. Since getting injured, recovering, and then spending all your waking time training yourself, you’ve barely had the moment to even visit. You weren’t exactly missing the sludge you were served there, but you feel a little bad leaving your other coworkers in the dark. You head to the entrance, rubbing the back of your neck. It felt tense, like the warning of an oncoming headache. Probably from the stress of working out and keeping up with your job. You make a mental note to quickly stop by your quarters to grab some meds before it turns into something worse.
Grabbing your lunch tray, you spot Ramona and your other fellow coworkers sitting at their usual table. You give a small wave to Ramona, calling out to her to get her attention. She looks up from her food, and upon spotting you, she smiles back-- though it was brief, as it immediately drops and she returns her attention to her food.
You head up behind her, placing your tray down next to her. “Hey, you.”
“Hey.”
You frown, eyebrows lightly knitted in confusion. Ramona was never this quiet, especially at lunch. You feel a pang of guilt.
“So… I’ve been cleared for duty again. We still don’t know why that First Order employee attacked me.”
Ramona stops eating her food to look over at you. Something lurked behind her expression, like a look of caution. It quickly morphed into a sense of sympathy. She puts her hand gently on your forearm.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. That sounded… really scary.”
You break eye contact, feeling a little embarrassed to admit any fear. Even to Ramona.
“Yeah. I’m just glad I was brought to medical attention in time. I guess some things that happen have no real explanation.”
Ramona’s stare lingers for a moment longer on your arm before she lets go and returns her attention to her food. She continues speaking.
“So I’ve heard you started working out now.”
You let out a half-chuckle, nodding as you turn your own attention to your lightly toned arms. “Haha, yeah, it’s been kicking my ass but I think I’m actually starting to really get the hang of it. Thought it’d be useful to know how to defend myself, especially after that incident.”
You continue to eat your food, and Ramona eats hers. Silence spreads across your lunch table, bothering you. It makes the headache in your head intensify.
Before you could think of more small talk to fill the void, Ramona breaks the silence. She asks a question, but the way she says it sounds like it’s more of an ask for confirmation.
“...You’re dating Commander Ren, aren’t you.”
You blink twice, eyes wide in surprise from her question. You suppose there was no real reason to hold back on revealing your relationship now. A sigh escapes you, feeling like it was deflating from your lungs. Depressurizing.
“...Yeah, I am.”
More silence follows. Ramona looks conflicted. Her voice becomes quieter as she continues to avoid your gaze.
“He’s killed people.”
You raise an eyebrow, a half-laugh arising from you. Was she being serious?
“...Well yeah, of course- of course he’s killed people.” You pause briefly. Thoughts of Commander Ren slicing through groups of people. People that were likely innocent bystanders. “He’s… he’s probably killed lots of people. He’s the commander of the First Order.”
Ramona turns to you now, a look of worried disgust on her face. “And that doesn’t bother you? You’ve never killed anybody.”
You feel heat begin to rise in you, creep up your neck. The headache that pressed flush against the back of your head throbbed harder, making the air in the room feel heavier.
“I haven’t killed anybody. I haven’t had any reason to. If... If I did, I bet I could.”
Ramona snaps back, facing you fully now. “Oh could you really?”
You think of the possibility. The thought of someone's life in your hands, the thought of taking that and crushing it. What if they were begging for you to reconsider? Has that ever happened to Commander Ren?
You shake your head, anger rising further in you. “Yes, I bet I could! But that doesn’t even matter, because I’m not a trooper. I’m just a regular ordinary scribe that does the paperwork and makes sure that all the First Order officials don’t lose their damn minds. That’s exactly what you do too, and all you should be concerned with.”
An angry huff escapes Ramona. She briefly looks away from you, in her own thoughts.
“Aren’t you scared?” Your name falls off of her tongue and you could hear the sense of betrayal, likely from you not telling her sooner, but also a sense of worry. She looks around the cafeteria, as if she were expecting Commander Ren to jump out of the shadows to get her. “Aren’t you scared that he’s using you for his own benefit? Commander Ren doesn’t ever play nice. With anybody.” Her voice drops an octave, even quieter. Just a little louder than a whisper. “He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get to his own goal. And that… that includes killing anything in his path.”
Ramona’s assumptions have finally really gotten to you now, because you immediately stand up, rage burning across your skin as you glare at her.
“Ramona, I want you to take one, good hard look at the company you’re working with. This is the First Order. We’re an organization that is known for doing whatever it takes to further our goals. And that includes killing many, many different people.” Your fist slams against the table, making yours and others nearby food jump. “Wake. Up. This is the company you chose to work with. And Commander Ren is not the insane, manipulative force of nature you think he is.”
It’s now that you’ve noticed the rest of the cafeteria has gone quiet. Nearly everyone seems to be staring at you. The headache in the back of your head throbs harder, creating a sickening pounding that seemed to coincide with the new ringing in your ears.
Ramona catches your attention, and her expression tells you all you need to know about how she’s feeling. Hurt.
Her voice comes out small and weak, especially compared to your own. She says your name again in that voice, too.
“You’ve changed.”
You huff a furious breath out of your nostrils, deciding to grab your belongings and practically push yourself away from the table. Ramona’s reaction and the entire cafeteria’s attention on you was too much to bear. You storm back to your quarters, hoping to find an ounce of calm left in you before your next meeting.
You spend the rest of your allotted lunch period in your quarters, trying to get over your encounter with Ramona. You don’t know why she was so afraid of Commander Ren… well, the more you put thought to it, you know exactly why she was so afraid, but you were incredibly frustrated with how much she was unable to see your side of the situation. She didn’t know Kylo like you did. Like you currently do.
You rub your temples, headache still pounding in your head. You gulp down a few pills and hope that they kick in soon enough. Eltee chirps behind you, reminding you of your upcoming last meeting.
The meeting itself is uneventful, though your migraine proved to be a bit distracting. You also couldn’t help but focus on your upcoming first training session with Kylo. Nervous anticipation vibrated under your skin, itching to prove yourself to him and learn so much more.
The meeting adjourns and without so much as a brief goodbye to the others in attendance, you swiftly make way to Commander Ren’s quarters.
Kylo had heard about your regular attendance to your basic trooper training classes and figured it was finally time for you to train with him. Though you have a feeling that would have taken much longer if you didn’t constantly press the issue to Kylo whenever you could. With a sigh, he agreed on a starting date.
The door to Commander Ren’s quarters slide open as you approach. You enter and find Kylo waiting for you. He was holding a staff, two actually-- you assume one would be for him and one for you. A part of you jokingly thinks of what it would have been like if he wanted you to start out dueling him with his lightsaber.
Kylo looks you up and down, maybe lingering his gaze a little too long on your chest, but his eyebrows bunch together in frustration.
“That’s not appropriate attire for training. You’ll need something more flexible than your work uniform.”
You walk right past him, heading towards his bathroom. You point at Eltee, who was following you close behind with a small duffle bag attached to the top of his head.
“That’s why I brought a new pair of clothes to change in. One moment.”
You head into the bathroom and quickly switch clothes before exiting in a much more breathable tank top and fitted sweatpants. You walk back up to Kylo and get into formation, form strict and clean, arms tight behind your back. Maybe the trooper training courses were rubbing off a little too much on you.
Kylo turns to fully face you now, looking you up and down for a moment. His stance changes ever so slightly, legs parted as he almost seems to be analyzing you, predicting how you’ll hold up against him. Something different shone in Kylo’s eyes, something darker. Like some sort of predator stalking his prey. You feel your nerves immediately begin to creep back in, fear tingling down your back as your breath lightly falters. If this was how Kylo looked before he zoned in on his potential enemies, you could very much believe the terror that others spoke about. Ramona’s reminder of how many people this man has probably killed rings in the back of your mind again.
Your migraine seems to intensify as well. You could chalk it up to your anxiety putting more pressure on your head, but something in the air felt different. It felt charged, heavier, but physically heavier, like something was physically pressing down on you. You gulp, attempting to breath slowly through your nose.
“I’m ready, Commander Ren.”
Kylo tosses you your staff before getting into position. You grab the staff effortlessly and focus on clearing your mind. Focus. This isn’t the commander of the First Order you’re fighting, this is just another opponent. The same as all the rest you have fought.
Kylo starts with a small swipe, one that you immediately block with your own staff. You take the small opening moment to jab back, but your attempt is quickly blocked by him. It’s with such speed and force that you stumble back a bit.
A few minutes pass with the same results. You attack, he defends. He attacks, you defend. Each time you try to advance on him, you’re blocked all the same, Kylo’s staff whisking blindingly fast through the air to push your end to the side with a wooden smack. With each attack on you though, it’s easily met with your own counter. You notice that his attacks back at you seemed slower, more calculated and cautious. Not the kind of combat from the commander you were expecting.
You let out a snort, shaking your head. You try to jab at Kylo’s midsection again in an opening, only to be pushed back to the side.
“Are you going easy on me?”
Kylo’s eyes dart to the side, avoiding your gaze. You try to catch him off-guard again, but even when he’s looking away from you, he blocks your attempt. His voice comes out so matter-of-fact, deep and smooth.
“You have a lot to learn. This is a deeply unequal match. I have much more experience than you.”
You feel heat burn up in your chest, leaking upwards into your face as you try again to attack him.
“Oh come on, I’ve been training for a while now! It’s been months. My injury is completely healed. And you can talk to my head instructor. She’ll say I’ve begun to top the ranks of my class.” If there was one thing you hated, it was being treated like a defenseless child.
“I’m not gonna learn anything if you don’t actually show me how to get better! I’m far better than what you think in your mind!”
In one brief second, you’re all of a sudden on the ground, wind knocked out of you. Pain blooms throughout your back and you scramble to understand what had just happened. A sharp ache in your ankles confirms that Kylo had just sweeped his staff right from under you, knocking you over in less than a second. And now that staff was held dangerously close to your face, the end of the pole held fast in front of you.
Kylo’s expression was serious.
“Ego can be deadly on the battlefield. You have a lot to learn.”
You sigh, accepting defeat with a deflating puff of air from your lungs. Kylo lightly taps your shoulder with his staff.
“Up. I think that’s enough of an introduction for today.”
You slowly stumble to your feet, rubbing your ankles. As much as you wanted to convince yourself in your head that you were just fighting another opponent, you weren’t. You were fighting Kylo Ren.
You head back to Kylo’s bathroom to change back into your normal uniform. Upon heading back out, you feel embarrassment singe your cheeks. What a way to bruise your budding ego.
Kylo heads over to you, taking one good look at your expression. He stops you from leaving, hand gently but firmly gripping your shoulder. He says your name and that catches your attention, causing you to look up at him.
“I know you’re capable of great things. I can feel it. You just have a lot to learn. I just need you to manage your expectations.”
You let out a soft sigh, nodding.
“I… gotcha. I understand. I guess I’m just so anxious to learn more, but… I understand. Patience.”
Kylo’s hand reaches to your chin, gently swiping his thumb across the skin. Your skin feels warm, warmer underneath his touch. You always felt warmer underneath Kylo’s touch. His eyes stare deep into you, a comforting, studying gaze.
“I’ll admit… I don’t want to hurt you. But I know you came here to learn. I’ll keep it in mind to not coddle you.” His thumb reaches up a bit further, slowly trailing across your bottom lip. “As long as you’re up for the challenge.”
Your heart catches in your throat, thick and hot like magma. You nod, gaze affixed on him.
“Of course I’m up for it.”
A small smirk, your prize for agreeing, spreads across Commander Ren’s face. He utters a small “Good,” before letting go of you.
“Get some rest. You might want to put ice on those ankles.”
You grin, nodding once more as you gather your belongings and head for the entrance.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Notes:
long time no see! 🥹
apologies for the long pause between a new update. i've started hitting some crazy writer's block. trying to force myself to at least write out the chapters, even if they're not perfect, and just come back to them later to edit. despite the long wait, i hope you guys enjoy the update! <3 ofc lemme know what you think!
Chapter 13
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
You continued training almost daily with Kylo.
Whatever time spent away from your scribe duties, you were at Kylo’s quarters, practicing defense techniques again. And again. Most of the days seemed to be blurring into one; though you weren’t exactly complaining about it.
Since your moderate jumps in ranking, you’ve started to earn a bit more pay. You often put the credits to good use by purchasing meals for yourself to eat in the safety and comfort of your own quarters. You choose to skip the cafeteria entirely, at least for now. Maybe indefinitely. You certainly won’t miss the food, and you really don’t want to interact with anyone else right now.
Except maybe Eltee.
Your little personal droid beeps a tone of greeting, followed by a tiny mechanical arm outstretching to give you a bottle of pills. You thank Eltee, giving him a little pat on the head as you down a few more capsules with a grimace.
One thing you’ve noticed is that your odd migraine has been sticking around. You’ve begun to feel worse, too. Almost like you have the flu… but something about it felt off.
The head pain continued, wavering deep in the air as if the entire Supremacy was off-kilter. You’ve also felt more on edge… angrier. Your emotions flowed heavily through you. Maybe it’s just a weird menstrual cycle?
A part of you just wants to shrug it off, wait for it to go away, but the thought of passing back by the medbay stops briefly in your mind. It’s sort of odd on its own accord to get sick aboard the Supremacy. Everything is kept very clean and sterile. Illnesses often fall under those who spend time off-base on other planets. Maybe you caught something from a stormtrooper. A mix of anger and dread swirl deep in the pit of your stomach, making the air around you waver more into heavy static. You’re supposed to be deep in focus and now you’re struggling to keep up and prove yourself to Kylo. Others around you have been noticing your drop in performance and it’s driving you crazy.
You head to the commander’s quarters, ready as you’ll ever be for your training. The lights above you felt oppressive, pushing down on you and causing you to clench your teeth in pain. As you passed by other First Order employees, you swear you could hear some sort of whispering. It was indecipherable, but nonetheless incredibly distracting. You would think it’s from the employees you passed by, maybe whispering some words about your current state, but the whispers sounded different. They almost sounded as if they were coming from within your own mind.
You reach Commander Ren’s quarters and head inside, already dressed for training.
You’re met with Kylo’s figure standing by the doorway. He says your name in greeting, to which you reply with his own, albeit quieter and more reserved.
Kylo stops, staring at you. You fail to meet his gaze, instead opting to look off into the corner. His voice sounds confused, maybe even a little concerned if you were to listen hard enough.
“You’re not all here today.”
You bristle at his notion, brushing it off as you push past him. “I’m fine, commander. Just probably a bug or something. I assure you, I’m up for training today.”
You head over to where Kylo kept your training staff. You grab it and nearly recoil for a moment. The wood felt much more sensitive in your hands for some reason, as if you could feel every groove in the grain. You force yourself into a tight grip and turn around to face Kylo, stance ready.
A small huff of breath from Kylo. He seemed frustrated, but decided to not push it further for now. He grabs his own staff, readying his position.
You take the first move, launching yourself at Kylo. He switches to defense, staff slamming against yours to prevent a strike. The force of it sends a shock of pain through your head, causing you to wince. You quickly attempt to shake it off, bouncing back to look for a new opportunity.
Kylo advances, taking a swing at your lower half. You just narrowly dodge it, lightly stumbling in place. The world felt tilted, on a different axis that was throwing off your balance.
Kylo gives you another look, brow furrowed. He takes a stride back, giving you a moment or two to decide on an attack. You spring forward, attempting a jab at his side. You miss, stumbling onto your knees. Kylo gives you a tap on the back, not enough to seriously harm, but to remind you of your mistake.
You grumble, teeth clenched in immense frustration. Kylo’s voice says what you were exactly thinking in your head.
“What’s going on with you? You’ve mastered these techniques weeks ago. Something is wrong.”
You feel a bolt of rage strike through you, energizing you with enough adrenaline to spring back up to your knees. Muscles flexing, you advance on Kylo with a few heavy blows. He blocks them, properly defending, but you could tell that he was caught off-guard a bit by your sudden energy, eyes widened.
Between your blows, you angrily respond. “There’s- nothing-” You slam your staff down against his, the noise snapping through the air.
“-wrong with me.”
Kylo opens his mouth, trying to formulate a response. He slowly shakes his head, analytical gaze on your form. Some sort of tension felt like it was building in you, a bent coil that was getting ready to spring. Much of the air around you, the noise, turned to heavier static. Against your will, you feel tears begin to prick at the edges of your eyes.
“Just- Just let me…”
At this point you were backing Kylo Ren into a corner, forcing quicker defenses against you. Your blows were sloppy, but heavy, filled with anger. You were sick of feeling like you weren’t being taken seriously. Like you were some delicate thing, not worthy of respect. Or fear. Others feared Commander Ren. One day, could the same be said for you?
“Just let me prove myself to you!”
With a final blow, you hear the wood of your staff split and break, shattering into splinters. A deafening noise blasts through your head, forcing itself outwards as various objects in Kylo’s quarters are sent flying. Kylo Ren stumbles back, a choked sound of shock coming through him.
What… what just happened?
You’re immediately stopped in your tracks, gaze flicking between your now broken staff, Kylo, and the broken and disheveled items throughout the room. Your breath feels heavy in your chest. The splitting headache you had increases tenfold, exploding into noises and static that screeched in your mind.
You look at Kylo, eyes wide looking back at you. He says your name, but you can barely hear it under all the noise. You could barely feel anything right now. A small noise of wood hitting the floor signifies that you must have dropped the remainder of your staff. You can barely feel the tears gathering in your eyes again.
You make a run for the door, leaving Kylo alone as you sprint far away from the revelation of your actions.
You had just used the force.
Notes:
HIIII happy halloween to those who celebrate!!
short little chapter update for today. i promise the next chapter is way longer to make up for it <3
i was on the fence at first when writing all of this to make the reader force-sensitive, but the more i wrote, the more things fell into place. i also based a lot of the reader's initial feelings and symptoms pre-force reveal on silent migraine symptoms (which i personally get yippee :']) i feel like something like the force would cause a lot of neurological symptoms, especially to someone who's not used to it. i'll be elaborating a little more in the next chapter on that!
anyway hope you guys enjoy! <3 ofc lmk what you think. i got a few more chapters written up which allows me some breathing room to work on the next ones, so i'll be posting those in the next few weeks! until then enjoy :]
Chapter 14
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
You slam into the front doorway of your personal quarters. Your hand frantically palms at the sensor, begging to be let in. When the doors slide open, you nearly topple over.
This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.
The race to your quarters, to your own personal safety, was nothing short of agonizing. Suddenly the thoughts of everyone you passed by nearly screamed in your head, all combining into one loud cacophony of incoherent speech. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before and it is as terrifying as the overall prospect of force sensitivity.
You had imagined in your head what it would be like to be force sensitive, but you had never imagined it would be like this.
The voices continue in your head, all blurring into a panic-inducing mess that leaves you gasping for air. You double over onto your bed, hand switching between clutching your head and clutching your chest. You couldn’t take in breaths that were deep enough. It felt like you were drowning.
The jumbled voices from various people around the ship continued in your mind, as well as a more sinister, incomprehensible whispering that tugged hard at the back of your head. It felt like black tar swimming in the back of your brain and it ached, as if you had slammed your head against the wall.
With that too came the overall newfound presence of the force around you, a now tangible feeling in the air. It made you feel like you were wading through a thick swamp, pressure pushing against every side of you. It felt like you were being crushed under the weight of yourself.
You vaguely feel tears sliding down your cheeks, wetness shining against your skin as you close your eyes. Everything felt too much, too alive. Your entire body felt like a live wire, buzzing loudly against the force now that you were acutely aware of its overall presence.
If this was how sensitivity to the force felt, you hated it. You hated it.
You don’t even notice the sound of your door sliding open, only notice the closer presence of a body. That body presses heavy against you, large arms wrapping around your form. You’re only clued in that it was Kylo Ren when you feel the familiar leather of his gloves, the familiar pine-like scent that seemed to carry on his skin.
Kylo had his helmet off; you only noticed that too because you could feel his hair tickling against the back of your neck. His arms squeeze you tighter, but not maliciously; grounding.
His voice comes out soft, a welcoming sound against the pain rushing through your mind. Kylo’s thumb rubs against your forearm and he hushes you, breath gently passing by your ear.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. Breathe.”
It’s then that you’re acutely aware again of your inability to catch your breath, your breathing coming out as more of a panicked wheeze. You open your eyes again, staring down at Kylo’s arms holding you tight around your midsection.
He continues, quietly attempting to talk you down from your panic. His voice still sounds a bit rushed, maybe from the shock of the overall realization. He wasn’t alone on this ship. You were like him.
“This is normal.” You could feel his own breaths against the back of your neck. It made you squirm a little, but it also made you focus more on that. He continues. “I know it’s loud, that’s normal. It’s a lot at first. It’s really loud and you can feel everything, right?”
You wordlessly nod against him, still focusing on getting your breathing to return to normal. Pressure in the room came and went in huge waves, feeling as if you were sitting in the middle of an ocean.
“That’s okay, I know it’s scary. I’ve been that way too. But the only way to make it quiet down is to focus and breathe.”
Kylo continues holding you, rubbing his hand against your forearm. You force yourself to focus on his presence, desperate to be grounded in some form. It takes time, but slowly you find yourself being able to catch your breath again. As if someone took a knob in your head and slowly started turning the volume down, the varying voices quiet down. The pressure in the room began to stabilize, leaving you primarily focusing on Kylo’s body pressed against yours.
Eventually you feel the residual panic leave your body, leaving you absolutely exhausted. It was as if you had run a marathon. The voices and pressure of the force remained in your body, but it was now reduced to a sort of quiet background noise, a reminder that something in you has changed.
Kylo senses that you have calmed down. He slowly lets go of you, arms pulling away. You take the moment to readjust yourself, hot shame burning beneath your cheeks. You felt a little foolish for freaking out, but this was not something you were used to. And if Kylo was telling the truth, it sounds like your reaction is not an uncommon occurrence.
You sit against the edge of your bed, facing Kylo now, who is crouched in front of you. You feel the weight of your body pressing straight down on your arms barely holding you stable upright.
A few moments of silence pass. You sniffle, taking a hand to wipe the tear stains away from your face. Kylo’s voice sounds sympathetic, another rare emotion that only you were able to see.
“I’m sorry.”
You look back at him, mind swimming with confusion.
“That… that was the force. This is the force. Force… sensitivity.” You pause, trying to form your scrambled thoughts into coherent sentences. “Force sensitivity that the jedi and sith have.”
Kylo pauses for a moment. A small nod. “Yes.”
“Did you do this to me?”
Kylo shakes his head, eyes wide and staring at you. He seemed just as startled and confused.
“No. You… you can’t give force sensitivity to another person. You either have it or you don’t.”
“But I didn’t have it before now. Why do I have it now?”
He shakes his head again. He looks off to the side, deep in his own thoughts. His eyebrows are knitted together in deep confusion.
“Sometimes… sometimes it takes longer to awaken in some people.” His voice becomes a bit quieter, a question for himself. “How did I not detect it…”
You let out a long, deep sigh. Your body felt so much heavier right now. The ambient noise in your head still buzzed. It almost felt like a parasite underneath your skin, wiggling between the very fibers of your sense of being. It just felt so strange.
Kylo Ren reaches up to cup your face in his hand. A soft thumb brushes against your tear-stained cheek.
“The best thing to do right now would be to rest.”
You give a half-hearted nod. Sleep sounded great right now.
You start to motion to lay down, leaning your body further back before you stop. You feel embarrassing heat burn under your skin. You didn’t want Kylo to leave you alone right now. What if the intensity of the voices came back?
You avoid Kylo’s gaze, nervously scratching your nails against your forearm.
“Um… do you think you could stay with me until I fall asleep? Just for a little while?”
You felt so incredibly foolish asking the question. Like a child asking their parent to chase away their nightmares.
Kylo stands back up. He pauses for a moment before removing a bit of his outer clothing. He leaves himself in his underclothing, black sleeved shirt and pants clinging to his figure. He sits on the bed, motioning you to move over.
You feel yourself turn bright red, surprised that he was actually taking you up on your request. You scoot over and lay down, positioning yourself to lay on your side with your back against him. Kylo turns to face you, chest pressed against your back. His presence felt so warm and comforting. It makes you forget how anyone else on this ship sees him as anything else other than the Kylo you know.
You feel Kylo’s arm wrap around you, pulling you even closer. His warm breath dances across the back of your neck. His voice comes out a whisper, which makes you shiver more.
“Get some sleep, okay?”
You nod, a soft “Okay,” in response escaping your lips. You allow yourself to succumb to sleep, eyes closing as you soak in the presence of Kylo next to you. Such warmth and comfort. You could hear his gentle breaths, calm against you. It almost made the noise in your mind feel like a gentle hug.
You fall asleep in the arms of Kylo Ren, leaving the mess of your newfound force sensitivity to deal with the next morning.
---
You found yourself deep in some sort of cave. Hollow wind produced haunting whines that bounced off of the onyx-black walls. You felt incredibly cold.
A soft voice catches your attention. Your name, whispered in a warning tone. You look around, trying to find the source of the noise. The edge of a thick cape briefly flicks away in a nearby bend, almost beckoning you to follow it.
You head in the direction of the voice. Was that Kylo? It almost sounded like him, but something felt off about it. The entire cave seemed to hum with a sort of energy, like a hollow crystal. You continue pursuing the noise.
The voices become louder, more needy. Beckoning you to hurry. You begin to break out into a jog, then a sprint, trying to catch the figure in vain.
When you finally jump forward, your hand tries to catch fabric, but falls upon a metallic texture instead. Before you could put your senses together, the saber ignites. Searing red energy alights in front of your eyes, mere inches from your face and hands. Dread shoots through your form, causing you to stop immediately. You try to look up, to see who was holding the lightsaber, but you couldn’t see anything. Just a disembodied hand and the crackling plasma in front of you.
With the lightsaber igniting, the stable humming of the cave erupted into something far more sinister. Indecipherable words twisted around each other, combining into a cacophony of noise that make your head feel as if it were being split open. A bolt of rage runs through you, begging for the noises to go away. It felt like the experience you had mere hours ago, but even worse. Against your better judgment, you find your hands reaching for the blade, desperate to silence the noise.
Pain immediately blooms from your palms, tears streaming down your face. The sounds only got louder, banging in your hand. A strange sort of beeping noise crept into the noises, like a sickening clock keeping track of your descent into madness. You find yourself looking up at a nearby cave wall, only to find your reflection in the polished facets. Except this didn’t really look like you. Despite feeling yourself crying, face scrunched up in pain, the reflection showed someone… angry. Something looked different about your eyes, too. Something sickening yellow seemed to barely shimmer behind the surface, threatening to come forward.
You wake up with a start, gasping for air. Frantically looking down at the palms of your hands, you find quick relief in the fact that they were fine. The searing pain lingers for a few moments longer before it completely disappears.
You slowly catch your breath, looking at your surroundings. You were in your quarters. Kylo Ren was nowhere to be found, leaving you alone in your bed. The quiet humming returns in your mind, a reminder of what had happened when you were last awake. The force. The force.
You finally realize that the beeping noise you heard in your dreams was coming from your datapad, signifying a few received messages.
You reach over to your datapad to open the messages. They were from Kylo.
Supreme Leader Snoke has requested to meet with the both of us.
I highly suggest that you come to my quarters first.
Fear shoots down the back of your spine. Supreme Leader Snoke wanted to speak with you? With you ?
It didn’t take any further thinking to assume that it has to do with your newfound… force sensitivity. The supreme leader already terrified you as much as he terrified the rest of the ship. You find a small amount of comfort in knowing that Kylo would be with you, but even still… you did not feel completely safe. Supreme Leader Snoke reigned above the entire First Order, above Kylo Ren. If you were to be punished by Snoke, or worse, Kylo could do nothing about it. The mere thought makes tears well up in your eyes, dreading what’s to come. You take a small, shaky breath, forcing yourself to clear your mindset and focus on seeing Kylo first. You turn all of your attention to getting ready, trying to keep calm by thinking back to Kylo’s words from last night.
Breathe. Breathe.
Eltee chirps at you, almost a worried tone. He was inquiring if he was to come with.
“No, Eltee. I think it’s best you stay here. Keep guard of my quarters, okay?”
Eltee beeps in acceptance, like a salute. It causes a small smile to break your stoic expression. You leave your quarters and head for Kylo’s.
Upon reaching the area, you walk in and find Kylo pacing around, arms held taut behind his back. He pauses at your entrance. A look of relief spread across his face, almost as if he wasn’t expecting you to actually come. Your name is said in a breathless tone.
“Did… did you sleep alright?”
Your mind flashes back to the nightmare you had. The burning energy against the skin of your hands. The mixing of indecipherable noises, shadowy whispers that squeezed against the back of your mind. Even now, the air seems to waver differently with Kylo in the room. As if your… your sensing of the force could detect Kylo’s presence before his actual form. A weight in a thick blanket, tugging it downwards.
You blink a few times, breaking eye contact as you look back down at your hands.
“I… I slept enough. It’ll have to be enough for now.”
Kylo’s entire demeanor was so different now. He looked at you different, and you don’t know if it’s for better or for worse. Everything going forward seems to be heading in an entirely different trajectory. You weren’t some boring, run-of-the-mill scribe for the First Order anymore.
“You’re sure you didn’t know? At all?”
Kylo shakes his head, a hand running through his hair. He heads over to the couch, motioning you to follow.
“No. Everything would have been different if I had known from the start. But that feeling… that pull to you.” Those warm brown eyes look back at you.
“It makes sense now.”
You thickly swallow. You briefly look around Kylo’s room, spotting a few objects from the other day. The ones that were tossed around and broken. It was further confirmation that you weren’t simply in another dream.
“So what does Snoke want with me? Did he tell you?”
Kylo shakes his head. “The Supreme Leader likely sensed your sudden use of the force. Just like I did. It’s not far-fetched to assume that he will want to use you to further our goals within the First Order.”
You feel a sense of dread spread down your spine. The thought of being directly under Snoke’s jurisdiction, his scrutiny, made your skin crawl. You had an idea of how harsh he is with Kylo, and Kylo has had years of training.
Kylo reaches out to hold your hands in his. You didn’t even notice that your hands were trembling, but they stop once they feel the security of his own. A small sense of warmth in this freezing room.
“I know you’re frightened. I want to train you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
The thought of training your newfound senses seemed like an impossible obstacle, but you found trust in Kylo’s words. In all the time you’ve spent with him, he’s never tried to purposely hurt you. Even in your training, he has fallen into a rhythm that protected you from his overall strength, his years of experience over yours, but still allowed you to learn and grow. If he was to guide you through this, then maybe, maybe everything would end up alright.
“This is a gift. Please don’t forget that. You have the ability to change the galaxy around you.”
Kylo’s grip on your hands tighten, thumb rubbing against the back of your hand. It felt comforting, grounding, but there was something more now, too. You felt it seeping into your hands, spreading up your arms and into your body. A deeper sense of warmth. The comfortable pressure spreads to the back of your neck and into your mind. A comforting presence, Kylo’s presence, reminding you that he was here. It felt far more intimate than anything you’ve ever felt before.
You give a small nod, feeling relaxed enough to move forward.
“I think… I think I’m ready to speak with the Supreme Leader.” Your voice lowers to a whisper.
“Thank you.”
Kylo looks away, the smallest hint of blush spreading across his cheeks. He opens his mouth to say something before closing it, instead standing up.
“Follow me.”
---
You silently follow Kylo through the Supremacy’s winding hallways and floors before finally arriving at a larger area, guarded by two Praetorian guards. They stood completely still, enough to be easily mistaken for statues. A voice comes from one guard, addressing Kylo.
“Commander Ren.”
The guard’s helmet lightly tilts towards you.
“Who is this? No common First Order employees are allowed in this area.”
You feel yourself heat up with embarrassment. You knew better than to come back with some snarky remark, so you stand there silently, arms held behind your back.
Kylo states your name and designation. “They were formally requested by Supreme Leader Snoke for a meeting.”
The guard stays silent for a few moments longer, helmet still trained on your form before it snaps back into neutral position.
“Very well. You may enter the Supreme Leader’s chamber.”
The large doors glide open, revealing the Supreme Leader’s throne room.
You look around in awe, impressed at the size of the room. The entire area was bathed in liquid crimson, red covering every inch of the room save for the supports and throne itself. The rest of the Supremacy was cold, but somehow it was even colder in here, the freezing atmosphere causing your arms to break out into goosebumps. Kylo leads you to the center of the room, in direct sight of the throne. Once your eyes make contact with the throne itself, you see Supreme Leader Snoke in the flesh.
He looked even more horrifying in person. Withered skin clung to his misshapen head. His clawed fingers idly tapped alongside the throne arm, beady eyes staring straight through you. With your newfound force sensitivity, an undeniable aura of terror hung heavy in the room, enough to feel like a physical weight on your shoulders. You further straighten your posture, attempting to fight back against the feeling.
Kylo stands alongside you, kneeling down to formally address Snoke.
“Supreme Leader.”
You nervously follow suit, kneeling down in front of the figure. Your voice comes out shaky and you curse yourself for looking so weak.
“...S-Supreme Leader.”
A laugh comes from Snoke. It sounded horrible in your ears, mocking.
“Such a subservient little scribe. No wonder my apprentice has taken a liking to you.”
Your skin crawls. Embarrassment and anger heat the tips of your ears. You force yourself to swallow your pride, instead choosing to stay silent. You suppose you shouldn’t be surprised that Snoke knew about your relationship with Kylo. To hear him twist your feelings in such a way though, it severely irritated you like nothing else.
“I’ve been made clear of a recent… event that has happened. You utilized the force.”
You swallow thickly, forcing yourself to nod.
“Yes, Supreme Leader.”
Snoke’s fingers dig into the edges of his stony throne.
“How did you hide it from everyone else? How did you hide it from your apprentice? Is his incompetence showing through his lack to detect the force in a weak-willed creature such as you?”
Your eyes dart to Kylo, before looking back down at the ground below you. Your heart beats faster.
“I- I did not know, Supreme Leader.”
“Are you lying to me, child?”
A choked breath escapes you as the pressure in the room increases, pressing on equal sides around your chest. Your nerves are set alight, fear screaming in the back of your mind.
“N-no, Supreme Leader.”
Against your will, you find yourself standing back up, facing the Supreme Leader directly. The crushing pressure begins to spread to your throat, setting off further alarms in your head.
Snoke sneers, eyes narrowed and shooting daggers at your form.
“It simply does not make any sense why a simple individual as yourself would go so long without any hit of force sensitivity. There would be no way for you to hide it.” Snoke’s hands twitch, increasing the pressure even more. You choke out, wanting to grab at your throat but finding yourself unable to.
“Why should I let you live, child? Why should I let another force-user live, a liability to crushing the Resistance?”
Finally Kylo stands up, panic set in his face.
“I will train them.”
Supreme Leader Snoke stops, releasing the hold on you. You drop to the ground, coughing and gasping for breath. Kylo continues.
“They will undergo extensive training under myself, Supreme Leader. I will accept full responsibility for their actions and behaviors. It will be beneficial to the First Order, particularly in our search for the sith wayfinder.”
Snoke sits back in his throne, a humming noise rumbling deep in his chest. He brings a hand up to his chin in thought.
“I suppose… if this child is not lying, then they would be an unknown anomaly to the Resistance. An asset for a surprise assault.”
Supreme Leader Snoke waves a hand, succumbing to Kylo’s suggestion.
“Very well. See to it that this scribe is properly trained to utilize the force sensitivity they have been gifted with. Hone them to be a weapon that will aid in crushing the Resistance in finality.”
You slowly stand up, having mostly caught your breath. You give a feeble nod, avoiding the eye contact of Snoke.
“...Thank you, Supreme Leader.”
Snoke looks directly at Kylo.
“I will not be disappointed. You will not fail me.”
Kylo nods, a small breath of relief that you pick up on escaping his lips. “I will not fail you, Supreme Leader.”
Snoke gives another wave of his hand, signifying that the meeting was over. As you turn to leave the room with Kylo, Snoke addresses you once more.
“We will meet again.” Your name sounds sinister on his tongue, worrying you of what was to come.
The two of you leave the throne room.
Notes:
hello i bring another update! <3 much longer this time.
a little bit of background on writing this and the reader's force sensitivity! i've been intrigued on how force sensitivity feels physically. as i said in my last note on the previous chapter, i've been taking inspiration from silent migraines (which i do actually get rip) for symptoms of force sensitivity, particularly with awakening abilities. the force is such a strong and powerful thing, i'd imagine its bound to really alter you physically and mentally. that's why i also make reference to the reader's newfound sensitivity feeling much like a parasite underneath their skin. i feel like this is especially true when it comes to darker influences via the sith! with midichlorians taking inspiration from mitochondria and yada yada yada, the force changes you physically!! at least i'd like to think so. i kind of wanted to lean a bit more into a body horror aspect of the force. might focus deeper on that later :]
aaanyway hope you enjoy this chapter and as always lmk what you think!! <3
Chapter 15
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Kylo Ren walks out with you, leaving the throne room. You follow close behind, arms held tight behind your back. You find that focusing on your form helped distract your mind enough from Snoke’s intentions.
Without much realization, you find yourself following Kylo all the way back to his quarters. Typically you would split off towards your own, but your body already auto-piloted you to continue in his direction. Kylo did not seem to have any objection to it.
The two of you enter his quarters. Once the doors slide shut, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Kylo heads over to his kitchen area, grabs two mugs.
“Coffee?”
You find a seat at his table, perking up at his question. A small nod followed by a feeble “Yes, please.” The thought of warm coffee comforted you right now and it was not lost on you the kind gesture from Kylo.
You zone out, listening to the gentle whirring noises from Kylo’s coffee maker. It looked much more complicated than yours. You wonder if it was given to him from the start, a part of the small set of furniture that existed in his quarters, or if Kylo had requested it personally.
Kylo came over with the two mugs, setting yours down in front of you before taking a seat across. You take a peek at his mug, spotting the dark liquid. Black. You suppose you shouldn’t be too surprised.
He raises an eyebrow, taking a sip from his mug.
“What, did you expect half milk and five spoonfuls of sugar?”
You raise your hands up in defense, a half-chuckle coming from you.
“Hey, I didn’t say that!” You look down at your own mug, much lighter in tone from the splash of creamer. “I guess I’m a little more surprised that you got my coffee right.” You let out a small snicker, eyes narrowed at him. “You can’t use the… the force to sense my stomach contents at work, can you?”
Kylo raises an eyebrow again and you swear you could almost hear the start of a chuckle.
“...No. The force doesn’t work like that.” His stare bores deep into you, amber eyes set with a more serious tone.
“You really don’t know much about the force, do you?”
A small tingling sensation in the back of your head. Almost like a featherlight touch, maybe from Kylo, examining the inside of your mind. You slowly shake your head.
“No.”
Kylo shakes his head, runs a hand slowly through his hair. The thick strands weave through his fingers, falling in various places. His voice is lower, almost as if he was speaking to himself.
“No wonder you were so afraid…”
“You said you were afraid too, right?”
Kylo stays silent for a moment, gaze distracted. Like he was looking inward for a moment.
“...Yes.”
Your teeth worry the inside of your lip.
“The sith wayfinder… that’s what Supreme Leader Snoke is looking for? Some kind of locating device?”
A sith wayfinder was certainly never something brought up in the numerous First Order meetings you have taken minutes on. Even at the higher security clearance level meetings, there was no mention of it. At this point you had to assume that very, very few people in the First Order knew about this. And now due to your sudden shift in importance, you are wrapped up in it.
Kylo Ren sighs, resting his arms on the table.
“Yes. A sith wayfinder. Leads to a location by the name of Exegol. An important, ancient world controlled by the Sith. It’s nearly impossible to find the planet without the usage of a wayfinder. Supreme Leader Snoke insists that the key to destroying the Resistance lies there.”
Exegol. The name on your tongue sounded terrifying. Pressure in your head compounds once more, adding physical weight to the concept of the planet.
“That’s… that’s a lot to place trust in.” You feel your cheeks flush. “N-not that I don’t trust Supreme Leader Snoke’s judgment.”
A small smirk danced on Kylo’s lips. You continue.
“So… I know that currently our primary mission is to eradicate the remaining Resistance so that the First Order can retain control of the galaxy. But…” You make eye contact with Kylo.
“...this is personal to you too, isn’t it?”
You think about what you knew of the Resistance. Beyond plans to eradicate it, rebel spies, military planning on various battles, admittedly you knew very little. To you, personally, the most you were familiar with was that it was the opposing side to your affiliation, the First Order. But you didn’t really join the First Order for its ideals. You joined because you wanted to escape your sheltered life and explore the galaxy. You wonder how different your life would be if you were first approached by members of the Resistance instead.
You’re brought out of your thoughts by Kylo’s voice, your name soft on his tongue.
“I want to show you something.”
Kylo gets up, turns towards a closed area of his room.
Ah. That room. You were always curious what it was. Minus the bathroom, most of Kylo Ren’s quarters were very open. Except for that room. You have to admit, you’ve been curious about its purpose yourself.
The doors slide open, inviting you in. The room itself was very dark, overhead lighting kept dim. Kylo heads over to a lone pedestal standing in the middle of the room. You blink a few times, eyes adjusting to the area. Once you focus your attention on the pedestal, you spot the crumbling hunk of metal propped up. A helmet?
You slowly approach, eyes widening as you come to the realization of what it was. Pressure increases in your head, a strange whispering wriggling through your consciousness. You fight the urge to grasp your head.
This was Darth Vader’s helmet.
Kylo’s voice from behind the pedestal startles you. His voice is deep and quiet.
“My grandfather.”
Grandfather?
It clicks in your mind. This was more than personal. This involved family. But…
“You’re… you’re related to Luke Skywalker?”
Kylo’s voice comes out strange, almost forceful.
“He trained me.”
You knew little of the force, maybe as much as the average planetary citizen, but you knew of Luke Skywalker. Legends of the jedi who took down the infamous Darth Vader and dissolved the Empire. You had heard briefly that he was training new jedi, but then… nothing. A disappearance. And in its wake, the First Order grew into power. Led by none other than his nephew.
Fear settles deep in your chest. A deep unease that brings a wave of nausea through you. You take a step back, tearing your eyes away from the remains of Vader’s mask.
This means that Kylo went against his family. Intends to destroy the Resistance, and with it, the remains of his family. Your mind heads back to your mother on Scaidu. What if one day you were to do the same?
Something tingles down your spine. Rage. But it isn’t yours.
“He was a coward. His teaching was flawed, and he was weak.
I need to finish what my grandfather started.”
You could see the similarities between Kylo and Darth Vader, the sith of legend. He certainly carried himself with that same energy that striked fear in those around him. Even his own mask bore some resemblance to Vader himself.
Your breathing has quickened, but you barely notice it. You only hear it and it sounds foreign, like an out of body experience. You stare back at Kylo.
“Luke Skywalker… where is he?”
You hear the squeak of Kylo’s gloves, balled into fists. His voice sounds clipped, frustrated.
“We don’t know.”
Kylo begins to slowly pace back and forth.
“That droid unit… it contained the coordinates to Luke Skywalker’s location. Snoke, however, feels that finding his location is now no longer necessary. He says that it’s…”
Kylo slams his fist onto the wall, the sound clanging harshly through the air. You jump at the noise.
“...a distraction. That I would not be able to act accordingly if we were to find Skywalker’s location.”
You could feel Kylo’s deep rage in the air. It vibrated dramatically, much like the crackling energy of his own lightsaber. His angry eyes aimlessly dart around the room until they fall on you. Then they soften.
In a rare act of self-control, Kylo seems to force himself to calm down. At least a bit. His hand twitching towards his saber pulls away and leads to his hair instead.
“... I think you’ve probably seen enough. And have been told enough for today.”
You silently nod. You must have looked terrified to him. In all honesty, everything was beginning to feel overwhelming again. So much weight was put on your shoulders seemingly overnight and you don’t know if you have the strength to bear it.
Kylo seems to think so… so you will have to be strong. For him.
He leads you out of the room, the doors closing behind the two of you and sealing Vader’s mask away. With the doors shut, the awful whispering stops. You feel like you can properly breathe again.
Kylo leads you towards the table, hand gently pressed against your back. You welcome the grounding touch.
He addresses you again and turns you to face him. Something in his expression seemed almost pleading. Soft, but serious.
“I know that this is a lot for you. Like I said, I won’t let harm come to you. We will both search for the sith wayfinder, but just you and me… will you help me find Luke Skywalker?”
You swallow the lump in your throat. His gaze was so intense on you that you almost wanted to look away, but couldn’t. Clearly this means a lot to him. A pit of dread in your stomach kicks up flames at the thought of what Kylo would do to Luke Skywalker the moment he finds him, but that’s not your issue to deal with. A small part of you thinks otherwise, believes otherwise. The soft part of Kylo you’ve seen is there and it can’t just be for you. You nod in agreement.
“Of course.”
You’re staring at Kylo, and his face remains unchanged, mouth unmoving, but the response was loud and clear. A warm “Good,” sounds in your mind and you jump, breaking eye contact.
This time there was a warm chuckle from Kylo. You shake your head, briefly touching your forehead.
“What was that?”
You obviously could hear the voice of your own thoughts in your mind, but this felt very different. It didn’t feel like an intruder, but it was very clearly a different voice in your own mind. Kylo’s voice.
“Since you’re force sensitive, your mind is more open to communication. I could hear your thoughts before, but I couldn’t communicate my own to you. Now I can.”
Oh wow. Definitely a new, more secret way to communicate with Kylo.
“Can… can I do it too?”
You think real hard, trying to make your voice as clear as possible in your mind. You say a simple “Hello,” pinching your temples in concentration.
Another laugh comes from Kylo, that same one that made you want to melt.
“That’s… that’s a good try. But that was just a thought in your own mind.” Kylo leans down to plant a soft kiss on your forehead. “I’ll train you, though.”
Kylo pulls away.
“I should let you rest.” He waves his hand in the air. “I’ve waived you of your… executive duties for a bit. We need to focus on the more pressing issue of your force sensitivity right now. But what you need most is rest.”
You nod in agreement. A part of you felt strangely hopeful, maybe even a bit excited. There was a new world of possibility opening for you. You head towards the door of his quarters, planning to hop right back into your bed and snooze. Maybe catch another episode or two on your datapad, too.
You’re just about to head out through the doors when Kylo calls you one last time.
“Oh, and by the way… there were six spoonfuls of sugar in there.”
A big grin spreads across your face. How funny. An apt descriptor for Commander Kylo Ren himself. Under all that darkness, a hidden sweetness lies.
Notes:
hellooooo i'm back with another update! <3 a bit more plot building. and some fluff of course :] love writing softie kylo...especially after he acts all brooding and scary lol
hope you guys enjoy and lmk any of your thoughts!
Chapter 16
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The scent of fragrant palms wafted past your nose. You found yourself staring at the mouth of an open cave. Back on Scaidu.
You had wandered a bit away from your home, much to your mother’s likely annoyance. You were only following a silly little lizard you found lying on the outskirts of your doorstep. You gave it a poke and it wriggled, then skittered away. You were foolish enough to pursue it.
Before you had even realized, you were standing in the middle of the forest. That lizard had slithered into the mouth of a cave, causing you to lose track of it. A small sense of fear started creeping into your spine, reminding you that you were alone.
Still, the curiosity of exploration compelled you. You stepped into the cave, deep into the darkness.
It smelled funny in there. A bit like sulfur. Small drops of water drop from stalactites on the ceiling, echoing on the wet walls. You could spot small patches of illumination in the water, some sort of fluorescent microbes swimming in the stagnant liquid.
You’re brought out of your curious daze by a growl. You couldn’t tell where it came from. The echoing confused you, left you disoriented. Fear reignited in you, causing your breathing to quicken.
As you take a few steps back, a creature barely comes into view. Its body was low to the ground, stalking. Five glassy eyes blinked out of sync, staring at you. Your fear freezes in your bones, causing you to lose your footing. You skid back, sucking in air through your teeth. You could see that your knee was skinned, fresh blood trickling down your leg.
The creature lifts its head as it slowly advances, nostrils flaring. Another growl vibrates from it, louder this time. It looked like it was ready to pounce.
You scuttle backwards, breath quick and shallow. You had nothing to defend yourself with. Another growl, turning into a snarl, and then the creature pounces. You let out a small shriek, putting an arm up to brace yourself.
The next thing you remember is your mother calling your name. You slowly open your eyes, the oppressive sun beating down onto you. Your mother’s face comes into focus, briefly blocking out the sun above.
She was calling your name, panic thick in her voice. You cough and wince, feeling sore all over.
“What happened?”
You lightly lift your head up to see that you were at the mouth of that cave. It was mostly caved in now, large boulders crumbled inwards. You look down and see that you’ve gotten a few more scrapes and bruises.
You vaguely hear your mother scolding you while holding you close to her body. Yelling about wandering off, thinking that you were dead, et cetera.
You stare at the rubble through squinted eyes, still confused.
“I’m sorry momma. I won’t do it again. I don’t know what happened. How did I get out of there?”
Your mother looks at the cave, then back at you. Her eyes look grave for a moment before she shakes her head.
“I don’t know. All that matters is you’re safe and alive. Come, I’ll patch you up at home.”
You feel yourself nod before you close your eyes.
When you open them again, you’re back in your quarters.
You find yourself rubbing your knee, finding it obviously fine now. Stars, you were such a stupid kid. You could have gotten yourself killed.
You don’t even know why you had a dream of that. You shake your head, reminding yourself of the present; you had your first force training session with Kylo soon.
You take the time to redress in your training uniform, fumbling with the fabric. You were…nervous. Your newfound force sensitivity was something so unknown, so nebulous to you, that the thought of honing it to purposely do something felt like you were trying to make an infant ride a bike. It felt leagues above you and you were worried that you would let Kylo down.
Eltee chirps, zooming over to you. You give it an affectionate pat on its head.
“Make sure you finish downloading that new episode for me, okay?”
Eltee beeps in confirmation. Since you’ve had more time off from your regular work duties, Eltee has been acting as your little consultant and assistant for your reading and watching. It was somewhat comforting to have the presence of something else in your quarters, even if it was a droid. It was the closest thing to a pet and you were thankful that Kylo made this happen for you.
Deciding not to waste anymore time, you force yourself to head out of your quarters and towards Kylo’s.
Along the way, you could still hear errant thoughts of other First Order employees as you passed by. They were slightly less jumbled now, more fragments of sentences that amounted to little. You sincerely hope that this is not what Kylo hears at all times of the day. Embarrassment flushes your cheeks when you think of your own thoughts around him. Stars, were they all that easily broadcasted to him?
You approach Kylo’s doorway and enter. Kylo is waiting in the main area, lightly dressed down into more comfortable clothing. A mat and hunk of metal sat on the ground next to him.
You smile and wave in greeting. “Ready to become a master mind reader.”
A small smirk spreads across Kylo’s lips. He shakes his head, inviting you to come sit down on the mat before him.
“We won’t be focusing on reading minds today. I actually want to see your ability with physically manipulating objects.”
Ah. Yes. Just like that one training session. Your outburst not only gave you the brief strength to completely shatter your training staff, but it also released some sort of force energy that tossed a number of items throughout the room. But you didn’t exactly do that on purpose.
You puff out a small breath of anticipation. Sitting down cross legged on the mat, you shake your head at Kylo.
“I… I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this. I had no idea what I was doing that last time.”
Kylo sits down beside you. You slightly squirm at the side of his torso briefly brushing against you, making you feel warm.
“Don’t be doubtful. No demonstration of the force is ever a singular event.”
Kylo directs your attention to the piece of scrap metal on the ground.
“I want to close your eyes and focus. Feel the currents of energy around you. Feel the concentration of energy on the object.”
You take a deep breath and close your eyes, trying to clear your head. With your eyes closed, you could feel the energy of the force. Thankfully it was less harsh than it was the first time, instead being a gentle vibrating hum that surrounded you. But you couldn’t really feel the object in front of you. It blended in with the rest of the white noise around you.
Your nose lightly crinkles in frustration. “Kylo… I don’t really feel it.”
“Keep your eyes closed.”
You feel Kylo’s hands guide yours, leaving them lightly outstretched in what you assume was the direction of the object. His gloves were off for today, leaving you with the sensation of his real hands, warm flesh warming your own.
“Sometimes this helps with concentration. Try again.”
You sigh, pushing further in your mind. You weren’t really exactly sure what you were supposed to be pushing. Honing the force felt a lot like wading around in the dark, especially with your eyes closed. Your mind lingers on the feeling of Kylo’s hands for a moment longer, but you still couldn’t really sense the object in front of you.
You hear a slight shifting in fabric and feel Kylo’s presence beside you leave. Despite not feeling the energy of the object you’re supposed to, you could certainly feel Kylo’s. It was heavy, like a dense metal ball creating an indent in the fabric of the force.
Kylo’s chest is suddenly against your back, legs around you. The warmth returns and you gasp in surprise. His hair tickles the back of your neck, followed by a soft whisper.
“You’re doing so good. Keep searching for it. I know you can do it.”
An involuntary whimper escapes your mouth and you fight the urge to toss your hand up and cover it. Something about praise from Kylo made you feel so lightheaded and weak in the knees. If Kylo thought this was going to make you focus better, he was dead wrong, but you weren’t going to try and disappoint him. Especially not with him praising you like that. You bunch your eyebrows together, attempting to concentrate harder. You just barely catch a tiny bump in the currents of the force, a small presence in front of you.
Kylo’s hands gently resting against your midsection immediately tear you away from the feeling. His soft, quiet voice enters the air again.
“That’s good. Keep trying.”
You lick your lips in a fruitless attempt to quench your now incredibly dry mouth. You couldn’t fight the growing heat building up between your thighs, a deep ache. You lightly shift in place, desperate for touch. Still, you persist in finding that object in the dark. You find the small bump again, slowly becoming a bit more defined the harder you focus on it.
You’re starting to feel more confident when Kylo’s hands begin to snake around your thighs, hands squeezing. A choked breath wheezes out of you and your concentration is immediately broken.
Kylo whispers again in your ear, but you could hear a darker undertone, more thickly laced with desire.
“I can’t wait to teach you so much more in the force. I knew from the beginning that you were very, very special.”
Your growing arousal becomes more and more of a distraction from the task at hand. Half against your will, you whine out to him.
“ Kylo… ”
A small huff of breath against your neck makes you squirm again.
“Should I reward you for being such a good little apprentice? Do you deserve it?”
Your mind felt delirious with desire. It was clouding your line of thinking, overwhelming with thoughts of Kylo’s hands on you. You find yourself begging, pleading.
“Yes, yes , please… I-I promise I’m good.”
Kylo’s hand dancing dangerously close to the hem of your waistband slips under, working its way under your underwear to make contact directly with your clit. You let out a small cry, hips arching up to make further contact with his fingers. You enjoy the sensation of his leather gloves, but something about his uncovered hands against you drove you mad. Feeling of flesh against flesh.
A small chuckle comes from Kylo and tickles the back of your neck.
“Always so wet for me. Don’t lose focus on your task.”
You take in a shaky deep breath, desperately swimming through the currents of the force to find that object again. What were calm currents now felt choppy, like standing in the middle of the sea.
Kylo gently toys with your clit, rubbing a digit around the sensitive bud while his other fingers line up and down your inner folds. You resist the urge to press harder against them, instead frantically trying to search for that damn hunk of metal. A finger enters you and you whimper, squirming against Kylo behind you.
“Keep focusing for me now… don’t give up yet.”
Another whine escapes you, followed by a moan.
“It’s… it’s hard… ”
A small grunt comes from Kylo and you might have the smallest inkling that your state was not the best for his self-control, either. Your thoughts are confirmed by a growing bulge pressed against your ass.
Kylo shoves another finger into you, rhythmically pumping them in and out. His voice sounds strained against your ear.
“Do you know how much you drive me crazy? How much I want to fuck you until your mind breaks?”
You let out another moan, high-pitched and needy. “Please… I need it…”
Kylo lets out a louder grunt, nearly rutting up against you. You seem to have broken his patience.
“Down on the floor. Don’t you dare open your eyes.”
Kylo withdraws his hand from you and you feel yourself being roughly pushed to the ground, face on the floor. Your ass lies up in the air, thighs wavering in place as you squeeze them together in desperation for more contact. Kylo’s hands take a grab of your ass, squeezing the flesh hard.
“That’s what you want, huh? To be blindly obedient to your commander? To your master ?”
You let out a choked groan, writhing in place. Small bouts of “ yes ” tumble off your lips, begging for more.
A hand roughly shoves down your pants and underwear, exposing yourself to Kylo. The cool air makes you shiver, only craving his warmth more now. His fingers briefly return, stretching you out.
“I need to fuck you so hard that all you will ever say to me is yes .”
You hear a small shuffle of fabric before his fingers are replaced with the thick head of his cock, warm and pulsing against you. A rough shove into you sends you crying out, but begging for more.
Kylo sets a punishing pace, thrusts shaking you in place as you grip helplessly onto nothing against the cold floor. Your concentration on the force has been all but broken, instead only feeling the motions of Kylo against you. It turns the currents of the force into a rough, stormy wave, crashing against you. Cries and whines are the only things that escape your throat, leaving you at the complete mercy of Kylo Ren. It’s exactly what you want.
You feel your orgasm building. Blood rushes to your ears, turning most noise into static. You can barely hear yourself begging for a release to Kylo, voice working on its own accord separate from your mind. Kylo’s hands lead down to your clit again, toying with it roughly. The hot coil in your stomach gets ready to spring and before you realize it you’re screaming out, blackness underneath your eyelids turning to a blinding white. You vaguely hear a loud clang of metal, followed by Kylo’s ragged breaths. He grips your hips hard, snapping his own against you one last time before he spills deep into you.
It takes a moment or two to come down from your explosive orgasm. You slowly catch your breath, as does Kylo, who finally pulls out of you. You squirm uncomfortably as you feel his cum leak out onto your thighs.
You find yourself blearily opening your eyes, blinking them once or twice. That loud bang was that metal object. It flew across the ground, slamming into the wall and leaving a fairly large dent.
You hear a breathless chuckle from Kylo.
“Well… I’m… I’m not going to be able to do that for you everytime you need to use the force.”
You feel a bit of embarrassment creep up into your face. Your orgasm, you suppose, was strong enough to release a similar burst of energy to move objects. Determined to tease Kylo, you pout and cross your arms.
“Aw, you sure?”
Kylo shakes his head, standing up to grab things from his nearby bathroom. He kneels down to gently clean you up.
Your entire body felt heavy. Of course you always felt a little tired after sex, but this was a new level of exhaustion. It was felt deep inside your mind.
You find yourself starting to drift off into sleep as Kylo helps you, face rested against your folded hands on the ground. You’re brought out of it by Kylo gently saying your name.
“Are you alright?”
You give a small thumbs up before laying back down on your hands.
“I’m great. Just… tired.”
You let out a small noise of surprise when Kylo scoops his arms underneath you, picking you up with ease. He carries you to his bed and you happily welcome the soft, velvety sheets. Like a sea of comfy darkness.
Without any protest, you wrap the covers around you, enjoying the warmth it provided against the harsh cold of Kylo’s room. He pulls the covers up and lies beside you, chest against your back.
Kylo’s arms wrap tight around you, holding you close. You find your mind further drifting off to sleep.
His voice sounded extra gravely, sleepy. You smile at the sensation of his breath against you.
“We’ll continue to work on it. I’m proud of you.”
With that, you safely drift off into sleep in Kylo’s arms.
Notes:
happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate!
i promised that more smut would be coming soon ;] we love a good praise kink!
hope everyone is having a good time with the holidays so far. i'll admit things have been a bit hectic for me and my fiancé, but returning to this fic (and all the support for it so far!) has been a comfort <3lmk your thoughts!! i'll be back with a new update soon :] <3
Chapter 17
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Warm, sunny rays hit your face.
You found yourself crinkling your nose at the gradual increase in light, blinking your eyes. You’re looking at the window of your bedroom on Scaidu. Morning fauna chirped outside the window, brief shadows running across the sunlight filtering in.
You move to get up, but find that you’re weighed down. Your hand follows an arm wrapped around you, holding you close. Soft, warm breath and strands of hair tickle the back of your neck. You find yourself smiling; it had to be Kylo.
You drink in the comfort for a few moments longer before feeling a sense of confusion. What were you doing back on Scaidu? What was Kylo doing here?
You move to turn over, facing the man behind you. With a single blink, the warm rays and animal sounds dissipated, replaced with the quiet hum of the Supremacy. What did stay though was the figure laying next to you. Kylo was asleep, soft breath in rhythm with the rise and fall of his chest.
You feel your heart skip a beat. Kylo stayed the entire night to sleep with you.
Your movement must have disturbed him, because now his expression shifts and a soft, gravely groan escapes him. Your attention moves from his various pretty freckles and moles to his warm brown eyes. Which were now open and staring at you.
You give Kylo a small smile, feeling a bit bad for waking him.
“Morning.”
Kylo’s eyes wander for a moment longer, looking at you, gaze shifting. He finally pulls away, sitting up to stretch with a groan.
“...Good morning.”
You give a small huff of amusement, following suit. Upon sitting up though, the blanket falls to reveal your breasts and you become acutely aware that you are very much still naked.
Your hands fly down to cover your dignity, flush hot under your cheeks. Kylo seems to take the cue, standing up out of bed.
“You can grab a pair of clothes from the drawer.”
Kylo seems to wander off into his kitchen, leaving you be. You dart over to the dresser, fishing out a shirt. It was one of Kylo’s and it was massive on you, so you decide to wear it as a sort of nightshirt.
You shuffle out into the kitchen. Kylo seems to be finishing coffee for the two of you. He finishes yours as you take a seat at the counter. He pours in two spoonfuls of sugar, then tops it with a splash of creamer. You watch in amusement as he spoons out the sugar for his own.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
You take a sip from your own cup, relishing in the warmth that now spread through you. A welcome sensation against the frigid air of Kylo’s quarters.
“How many bags of sugar do you go through in a week?”
Kylo stops to look at you, then looks away, small smirk dancing across his lips.
“Too many to count.”
Kylo finishes, taking sips from his mug as he thumbs through his nearby datapad. You think back to your own, wondering how the other scribes were doing. Especially given that you were in a more… peculiar state of employment and were not always around to cover meetings.
You find yourself staring at Kylo’s face, who was concentrated and maybe a little aggravated. You wonder how many emails Kylo gets a day. Being the commander of the First Order had to mean that he was super busy and needed to approve so many things. You wonder if Supreme Leader Snoke ever sent any emails to Kylo? How would the formalities be addressed? Is there even proper encryption for such top-secret meetings?
You’re brought out of your thoughts by Kylo abruptly slamming his holopad back down on the counter. An angry huff of breath escapes him, like steam escaping an incoming eruption.
You give Kylo a concerning look, but he answers your questions before you can ask them.
“Despite my clear instructions of having you excused from your scribe duties for the foreseeable future, General Hux has requested to meet with you. Urgently.”
Kylo angrily pinches his temples, moving to clean his coffee mug. Probably before he got angry enough to smash it.
Hux wanted to meet with you?
“What does he want?”
Another sigh escapes Kylo. “He says he needs something urgent regarding the meetings related to your prior scribe duties. He wants you to meet him today as soon as possible.”
If it wasn’t directly related to you this time, you would find the clear tension between Kylo and Hux to be amusing. Both are extremely high ranking in the First Order, but don’t necessarily outrank each other. And due to First Order bureaucracy, they often had to answer to each other’s demands. That also meant that no matter how much Kylo wanted to choke that red-headed weasel to death, he couldn’t.
You take one last sip to finish off your coffee, deciding to get it over with now. Upon second glance at yourself though, you feel at an impasse. You had no set of clean clothes for you here, and you weren’t exactly keen on sprinting down the hallways of the Supremacy in nothing but an oversized t-shirt.
Kylo looks at you and seems to get the message. He heads over to his drawers to quickly get dressed.
“I’ll get a clean pair of clothes for you. I’ll be right back.”
About fifteen to twenty minutes pass by before Kylo returns to his quarters. He holds out a pair of your typical scribe uniform to you.
As you open your mouth to thank him, taking the pair of clothes, Kylo speaks.
“Your little droid almost shocked me when I attempted to enter your quarters.”
Shit.
“Damn it, Eltee!” You give Kylo an apologetic smile. Eltee probably didn’t take too kindly to any intruders within your quarters. Even if it was the commander of the First Order. You suppose the one bright side is knowing that Eltee is fiercely defending your stuff while you are away.
“Sorry about that. I’ll… I’ll make sure he knows that you’re free to enter my quarters next time.”
You head towards Kylo’s bathroom to quickly dress into your uniform. As you finish straightening your creases, Kylo calls out to you.
“Be sure to return here after your meeting with Hux. I would like to try a little more training with the force.”
You nod quickly, trying to tamper down your excitement. You wonder what idea for training he had in store today.
“I’ll be back!”
You make a beeline for the direction that Kylo gave you. After wandering around the winding halls and catching last-minute rides on elevators to different floors, you reach your destination. The floor you were on was typically comprised of personal offices for the top-level officials of the First Order, so you could safely assume that you were heading to Hux’s personal office. The thought of that alone made you a little nervous, though. Something about meeting privately with the general outside of others’ influence made your skin crawl. Still, duty is duty and you can’t completely drop your job as a scribe. Even if you have magical force powers now.
Your small knock is quickly answered by the doors gliding open. A few steps in and you’re already greeted with fiery-red ginger hair and stony gaze, unnerving eyes fixed on your form. You felt a weird shiver crawl down your spine, followed by a weird shift in the air. It occurs to you that Hux can’t feel the change in the force around him. If he did, maybe he’d realize how many people don’t like his presence.
Hux addresses you by your name, offering a seat by his main desk. It sounded cold and unforgiving on his tongue. Like you were in trouble or something. You had a feeling that he wasn’t exactly thrilled by a missing scribe, one that had to be continually paid nonetheless, and one that worked closely with Commander Kylo Ren. You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to remain professional.
“Good morning, General Hux.”
Hux stares at you, hands folded under his chin, fingers gently covering his lips. His eyes were narrowed, as if he was making some sort of resolution in his mind regarding you. Finally, he speaks, gaze turning away to his computer. His fingers quickly tap away on the keys.
“Your term of employment has been… changed.”
A stupid statement , you think in the back of your mind. Did he want to waste your time going over things that have already been made apparent?
“Yes, General Hux. I believe it was formally requested by Supreme Leader Snoke and Commander Kylo Ren.” You pause. “...With your agreement, as well.”
A tsk noise from General Hux. He slides a data chip over to you.
“Not that I agreed upon this change in employment. I was given no other choice. Despite these changes, you are still one of my higher-level scribes related to our top-tier meetings. I don’t know how long this adjustment will last, but nevertheless I require your existing documentation to fill in the employee in your place.”
Ah. Of course. A part of you bristles, frustrated. This absolutely could have been an email. This must be how Kylo feels dealing with Hux.
You take the data chip, giving Hux a curt nod.
“Of course general, I will be sure to-”
“And don’t think that you have some sort of upper hand in your place on this ship, now. I remember what you had sarcastically said to me last meeting.” Hux sneers, stare piercing into you.
“I am in full understanding of your correspondence with Commander Ren. As well as your relationship with him.” Hux spits out the last part, digging deep into you.
“Just because you have the same little magic powers as that overgrown toddler doesn’t mean you have any extra authority on this ship. You will finish whatever training you have with the commander and you will return to your post. Are we clear?”
You blink a few times. Rage bubbles underneath the surface, a kindling threatening to start a fire underneath your skin. You feel a pang of regret for having climbed the ranks of your scribe work, as now you have to deal more directly with the general. You now more clearly see why Kylo hates him so much.
Even still, you can’t exactly fight back. General Hux was right. The bureaucratic chain of the First Order still puts you beneath many others. You were just now an extra pawn for a more secret directive. You think back to Kylo, his words of encouragement. Maybe if you train well enough, you can prove Hux wrong and stuff those words right back into his mouth.
For now, you’ll have to play nice.
You give a nod, forcing a diplomatic smile on your face.
“Of course, General Hux. I’ll be sure to obtain my records and send them your way. I will be sure to facilitate a speedy process for my temporary stand-in. My loyalty stands with the First Order and I will make sure to do my part in keeping everything running smoothly.”
Hux stares at you for a few moments longer, almost searching for a sarcastic remark. When he finds none, he huffs, waving you away. Not even a formal dismissal. Figures.
You nod in his direction as you stand up to leave.
“You have a fine rest of your morning, General.”
With that, you return to Kylo’s quarters.
---
Upon reaching Kylo’s quarters once more, you are met with Kylo dressed down, thin black sleeved shirt and stretchy sweatpants. He was sitting cross-legged on the ground and pats the seat across from him.
“I have something different planned today.”
You feel a small swell of intrigue and maybe a bit of excitement. You try to tamper it down, feeling a bit embarrassed to show it to Kylo. Though he could probably hear it from your mind.
You take a seat on the floor across from Kylo, mimicking his pose.
“So no moving objects for today?”
Kylo shakes his head. “I want you to try entering my mind.”
A part of you runs cold. Kylo wanted you to enter his mind? You’ve been anticipating learning to maybe read the minds of others, to send messages or thoughts to Kylo, but for some reason the prospect of entering his mind makes you uneasy. He’s seen much more chaos, more bloodshed than you have. Once again, a reminder of how he is outside of this room, away from you, flashes in the back of your mind. Still, a little bit of curiosity stuck around in your head. Maybe you could see things that Kylo could not speak to you about. If you can actually accomplish his task for you, that is.
Kylo must have read the unease on your face because once his hand grabs your own, a soft thumb swipes across the back. A pulse of heat rushes through you, leaving a soft glow of pink at the tips of your ears.
Kylo’s voice is quieter, but still holds that deep and rich tone to it.
“I want you to close your eyes and focus on the touch between us. That’ll serve as a good starting point to looking in.”
You give Kylo a nod. Shutting your eyes, you place gentle focus on his hand. With your vision removed, his sense of touch felt stronger. You let your fingers run over his hand, memorizing the slight bumps of his veins and texture of his skin. It felt warm and seemed to get warmer the more you focused on it. You visualized the veins of his hand acting like a road, hoping that would help let you in. To your surprise, it did.
You feel Kylo’s hand lightly flinch against yours before you feel like you are in a new area. Your eyes were still closed physically, but the mental version of you had them open, looking out into the pitch dark. You look around, trying to find something, anything to go off of. Before you decide to give up and try another approach, you hear a small sniffle.
Turning in the direction of the noise, you spot the faintest bit of light. You head towards it, hoping to find something. A memory? Or some fragment of Kylo’s mind? You weren’t sure exactly where you were supposed to be heading, just more so shocked that you were accomplishing this in the first place. You start walking towards the light.
It’s cold in Kylo’s mind. The direction of the light feels like it promises warmth, but right now in the dark it was freezing. You continue onwards.
The closer you get to the small patch of the light, the more you see a small figure come into focus. It looked like a small child, curled up with their head face down. Another small sniffle.
You find yourself with an overwhelming urge to help the child. What was he doing here? The closer you get, the more you kneel down to the child’s height. Your voice sounds strange in here, echoing and vibrating.
“Hey, it’s okay. Are you alone? Who are you?”
Your hand slowly reaches out, wanting to run your fingers through the kid’s scruffy black hair as a sign of comfort. The child stirs, lifting his head up. You make eye contact, staring into what looked like scared, warm brown eyes.
In an instant, the constructed area you resided in falls apart, tearing you back into reality. A splitting headache strikes through you, leaving you wincing in pain on the ground. It felt like something was violently jabbed through your skull.
Blinking a few times to clear your vision, you look up at Kylo, who was now standing above you. His hands were balled in fists, eyes wide. They didn’t look exactly angry, just… more defensive. Violently defensive. His eyes had that same warm shade of brown that the child had.
Kylo quickly turns away, walking in a brisk stride towards the room with Darth Vader’s helmet.
“We’re done training for today.”
The door snaps shut, leaving you alone.
Notes:
happy holidays and merry christmas to those who celebrate!
still chuggin along on writing new chapters. i've still been super busy but i promise more updates will come! in the meantime lmk what you think <3 i know i love writing the ups and downs with kylo trying to be vulnerable with the reader <:]
Chapter 18
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
You’ve been contemplating ways to apologize to Kylo.
Pacing back and forth in your quarters, you think of what would even be an appropriate response. “Sorry for invading your mind the wrong way?” “Sorry I interacted with the crying child that lives in your head apparently?” “I’m sorry I hurt you?”
You think back to that moment in Kylo’s mind. You expected to see violence, anger, hatred, but instead you saw a scared child. You desperately wanted to know more, but now was not the time. He was putting a lot of trust in you as it is and you want to keep that.
You sigh, reaching for your datapad. You tap to open your communications with Kylo, then stare blankly at the screen. After a few long moments, you will yourself to start typing.
I’m sorry for what happened yesterday. I didn’t mean to hurt you.
You pause for another moment, thinking. Then you start typing again.
I wasn’t sure what plans for training you had today. If you need time alone I understand.
There. Now he could acknowledge your apology without having to explicitly answer it. Plus you did want to know what training you had today. If any. If he needed time away, you understand.
On the contrary, you seem to get an immediate message back.
There is a more important mission today. We have a new lead on the wayfinder.
Head to my quarters.
A tiny part of you wishes that he would have said something about your apology anyway, but once again you have to remind yourself who you’re dealing with exactly. He still clammed up anytime you thanked him.
You’re curious as to what the lead on the wayfinder is about. Since discussing the importance of it, you’ve been anxious to actually contribute to finding it. You decide to dress in your more flexible training clothing and head for the door. Before leaving, a curious chirp goes off behind you. You turn around to see Eltee. He beeps again, questioning where you were going.
“I’m heading to Commander Ren’s quarters. I’ll be back, okay?” You pause, thinking for a moment before patting the top of him.
“Oh and… Commander Ren is allowed in my quarters. But no one else, okay?”
An affirmative beep confirms that Eltee understood. Satisfied, you head in the direction of Kylo’s quarters once more.
You head inside and find Kylo dressed in his typical attire. He says your name in greeting, brief eye contact before he heads to the other side of the room, gathering something.
“Not exactly training today. It’ll be a mission. Your first mission, actually.”
Kylo heads back in your direction, holding a duffle bag and a training staff. Though maybe you wouldn’t exactly call it a training staff anymore. It was sturdier, had a heavier weight to it.
“We’ll be heading off-ship to Estif.”
Excitement runs down your back like a live wire. You’re heading off-ship?
A small huff comes from Kylo as he hands you the staff, failing to hide a smirk.
“Try not to get too excited. This is an extremely important mission. It’ll be just you and me.”
You try not to get flustered at the fact of going on a mission alone with Kylo. Sure you’ve been interacting with him alone in his quarters up to now, but to be off-ship with him and only him tempted your mind to think elsewhere. You shake your head. Focus, focus! If anything, focus on the excitement that you’ll be visiting a new planet. Something you’ve been longing for, aching for, since you joined the First Order. It’s what caused you to leave Scaidu in the first place. That thirst for exploration.
Kylo begins to rattle off the finer details of the mission. Something about taking his personal ship, historians confirming the system details of a possible sith wayfinder on Estif, the local tribes found on the planet, and so on. You were listening, you really were, but you couldn’t help but be caught up in the excitement of going on a little adventure.
You’re brought out of your thoughts by Kylo saying your name. You look at him to see that he looked… perplexed. He’s silent for a moment before he asks you something.
“Why did you never join the stormtrooper division? If you wanted to leave the ship so bad.”
Your train of thought pauses. It thinks back to when you were pursuing recruitment on Scaidu. You give a tiny shrug, idly scratching the back of your neck.
“...Well, when I did some initial testing back on Scaidu, my scores were way higher on the mental portion. They saw my expertise in recordkeeping and writing and wanted me to join the other scribes. I guess I could’ve pushed to join a troop, especially after moving onboard the Supremacy, but I’ve just never been really physically fit enough to try.”
You think back to the number of times you saw heavily injured stormtroopers return to the ship, hanging on by a thread. Or the empty pieces of damaged armor that signified what had happened to the one who wore it. You knew that as a small scribe playing a part of a massive organization as the First Order, you were expendable, but stormtroopers in particular were very expendable. That typically tampered down your desire to explore other planets.
“Plus, I couldn’t really defend myself.” You take a stronger hold of the staff Kylo has given you, giving it a hefty test swing. “But now I can.”
“Good. You’ll need to.”
Something about the way Kylo says it makes you stop and think. Your expression sobers up a bit, faced with the reality that yes, you might actually have to put your skills to the test this time. No longer in the safety of a training room.
“When do we leave?”
“Now.”
Now? Kylo must have seen the surprised look on your face, because he sets down the duffle bag he was carrying.
“This is an important mission and we can’t let more time pass by. The more time we waste, the higher chance of compromise by the locals. We need to go now.” He pats the duffle bag.
“I packed clothing for the both of us for a few days. I don’t expect to be there that long; this should only take a day, but just in case.”
You suppose you couldn’t be more ready than now. Not that you really had a choice, anyway.
Kylo puts on his helmet, the pressurized seals hissing and clicking into place. He grabs the duffle bag and heads for the door.
“Follow me. We’ll be heading to my ship.”
Long winding hallways eventually lead you to the edge of the Supremacy, near the hangar bay. Lined up TIE fighters flank the sides of the massive area, some still hissing from their recent return. You’re confused by the number of passing stormtroopers who salute you, that is until you remember that Kylo Ren is walking right alongside you.
Kylo brings you up to a ship sitting out in the open. A TIE modified interceptor. Kylo Ren’s personal TIE whisper.
You look in awe at its size when up close. Sure, it wasn’t huge by any standards, especially for a ship, but you found it fascinating. They always seemed so tiny in your mind, only existing as small blips in the sky, keyed into their presence mostly by their haunting screech. Oh what you’d give to have your own personal ship. If you actually knew how to fly it , of course.
Kylo leads you into the ship and pretty soon your admiration of its size up close gives way to unease at the fact of how tiny it was inside. Clearly only meant to fit one person, nevermind two .
Kylo sets your bags aside in the TIE whisper’s miniscule cargo bay, then heads to the front pilot seat. You look around and see that there really isn’t any other seat for you to take.
“You’ll have to sit here.”
Kylo Ren lightly pats his thigh, legs shifting in his seat. He has his helmet on, voice properly masked with a strong voice modulator, but you swear you could hear some sort of teasing lilt to his voice. Trying not to overthink it, you head over and take your seat right in Kylo’s lap.
His massive thighs shift underneath you, adjusting to make you comfortable. His arms reach around to start flicking and pressing various switches and buttons, causing the TIE whisper to whirr to life. That sense of excitement reignites in you. Estif, here you come.
Kylo’s ship rockets out of the hangar bay, leaving the Supremacy behind. It jolts you, causing your back to collide against his chest. Kylo doesn’t seem all that affected, posture stiff. Probably far more used to taking off than you are.
It takes a minute before everything seems to stabilize, the ship now slowing to a cruising speed. You look out at the vast expanse of stars before you. Instead of being reduced to a flat window pane, they were all around you. All holding some sort of new possibility.
A small noise comes from behind you and Kylo’s voice rings clear in your ear.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
You reply, breathless.
“Yeah.”
Kylo’s hand snakes around your midsection, holding you close to him. His other arm moves alongside you, reaching for a few buttons and switches.
“You want to know a bit about piloting a ship?”
You nod, eyes briefly tearing away from your view of outer space down to the console in front of you. Kylo’s hands continue to move about the complicated layout, though a bit slower this time. He’s pointing to certain knobs, stating their functions, but it’s kind of fuzzy in your head. You want to pay attention, but find yourself distracted by… him. It’s like all of your atoms are vibrating against his, restless energy underneath your skin that aches for his own. You think back to your first encounters with Kylo, how they’ve led you to this point.
You weren’t necessarily meaning to do it, you don’t even really know how to, but somehow you find your mind reaching out to Kylo’s through the force. A warm, vibrating connection. You find your consciousness reaching out and tugging on something. It must have tugged on something of his through the force because Kylo abruptly stops talking, instead looking down at you.
Embarrassed, you look away.
“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you.”
Kylo sighs. A deep humming sound; not a displeased one. He reaches for a few buttons, ones you could only presume were some sort of autopilot function because then he takes his hands away from the console.
They instead find their way around you, hand gently digging into your thigh while the other caresses your cheek. His own thighs shift and you can feel his need against your back.
Another sigh, one that failed to fully develop into a chuckle.
“You are so easy to tease.”
He lets his hand trail further down, nestling deep between your thighs.
“So easy to rile up.”
You look back out to the stars, pink spreading across your cheeks.
“I-I can’t help it. Especially when you’re… you.”
Kylo’s hand leads back up, toying with the hem of your pants. His other hand goes down to grasp at your breasts underneath your shirt. The fabric wrinkles underneath his fingers, small noise of fabric against leather breaking into the quiet ambience of the ship.
Kylo says your name, followed by a question.
“Why do you like me so much?”
The question almost made you sad. The way he seems to say it, as if he was questioning why anyone would like him. You huff, shifting against him.
“Well, you… you intrigue me. You’re mysterious. It makes me want to know-”
Your sentence is cut off, breath stolen from your lungs as Kylo dips his fingers below, leather pads grazing against your clit.
“-know more. It makes me hungry for you. Plus, the way you- ah -”
Kylo’s fingers work their way into you, finger pushing deep inside while his palm grinds against your clit.
“-the way you make me feel.”
Kylo huffs and when you look back, arching your back as to catch a peek of him from behind you, you see that he’s still staring out into the stars. Deeply contemplative. He senses your gaze and looks down at you. Something seems to shift beneath his eyes, something warm and calming.
Kylo withdraws his fingers, instead bringing them over to lightly tap the side of your thigh.
“Turn around.”
You scramble to stand up. Kylo signals for you to take your pants off, leaving you to straddle him half-naked. You can feel him hard underneath you.
Kylo moves to shift his pants, then underwear aside. His girth settles thick against your thigh, throbbing. You feel your breath quicken in anticipation. No one else but the two of you in this tiny ship.
You look up at Kylo’s face. He was looking at you through half-lidded eyes, cheeks flush with color. The question comes out of you, involuntary and wide-eyed.
“How do I make you feel?”
Kylo half-laughs, turning away while shaking his head.
“You… you are dangerous.”
A thumb of his brushes against your clit again and makes you squirm.
“ Incredibly distracting. Which is why I need you aligned with my priorities.”
Kylo shifts, aligning himself with you.
“You… make me feel good. And right now, it’s just the two of us on this ship.”
Kylo lets you take him on your own pace, slowly shifting down to the base of his cock. He starts a gentle rhythm, keeping you close to his body. He peppers kisses down your chin, to your neck and shoulders. His hair tickles your skin in all the right places, only further enveloping you in him.
Your orgasm comes quick and so does his, spilling deep inside you. You feel a wave of exhaustion, spreading down your nerves like a thick blanket. A thick blanket does seem to actually spread over you, which you then identify as Kylo’s cape.
“Sleep for now. It’ll be a few hours until we land.”
You wordlessly take his suggestion, allowing yourself to succumb to sleep, cheek against his chest.
Notes:
happy new year friends! :] yayyyy reader is going to be going on their first mission! ofc i had to fit more soft fluff (and smut) in here. you can only get so many between the angst haha :']
ofc lmk what you think! <3 i've caught up again with my pre-written chapters unfortunately, but i'll be pushing to write some more so that you guys don't have to wait too long. in the meantime enjoy kylo trying his hardest to be more open and loving to reader <3
Chapter 19
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
You’re stirred awake by a gentle poking at your side. It’s not until you hear a soft noise deep within your mind that you open your eyes. It takes a second before you remember where you are. Still in Kylo’s lap.
Looking up, you see Kylo staring down at you.
“Good morning.”
You rub your eyes, muttering a gravely “Hey,” before sitting up a bit more.
“We’re going to be arriving soon.”
You look out and see blinding flashes of colors. Kylo must’ve put the ship at lightspeed while you slept. You grimace as you remember exactly what you were doing before you had fallen asleep. You felt sticky. Gross.
Kylo’s low chuckle vibrates against you. He leans back to allow you to get up.
“There’s a bathroom on the left side. You can freshen up there.”
You take his suggestion, stumbling over and taking a few minutes to properly get yourself ready. You emerge from the bathroom, feeling a bit more awake.
Kylo presses a few buttons on the console before calling out to you.
“I would hold onto something. I’m taking us out of hyperspace.”
You take hold of a few handles along the wall, but even with a sturdy grip you find yourself lurching forward as the blinding colors stabilize into regular space. A planet rapidly comes into view. Estif.
Kylo begins to bring the ship into the atmosphere, sky and ground beneath slowly becoming more clear. After a few more minutes of clinging onto handles, Kylo brings the ship to a stop on the dusty, sandy ground below.
Estif reminded you of the sandy desert areas of Scaidu. Dry and a bit suffocating. It could be due to your familiarity with a more humid tropical climate. You distinctly remember dealing with a very dry nose and cracked skin on your knuckles when you first transferred to Starkiller Base. The freezing cold and stale, sterile atmosphere of the base took some time to get used to.
Kylo hands you your staff. “Our location is a few hours away from here. Didn’t want to land too close to alert the locals.”
You inwardly groan, not looking forward to walking for hours in the dry heat. Thank the stars that Kylo had packed the two of you a water bottle.
Estif’s sandy desert had a lot of… nothing. Craggy mountain lines faded in the distance, stone gray that contrasted against the dusty beige of the fine sand before you. It kind of freaked you out a bit, walking on the sand. It was so fine that you had to focus to keep yourself from slipping. There weren't really any signs of life, either. Everything looked so barren. All you could spot were small tumbleweeds, dried and spiky.
“So… the people here. What do they look like?”
You look up at Kylo, who seems to be handling the heat better than you. Sweat glistened across your forehead and your skin felt warm to the touch. Kylo kept his same fairly stoic demeanor. You wonder how he could seem so okay, even under all those layers of clothing.
“Insectoid, but sapient and bipedal. They roam in small bands, looking for water and sources of food.”
You nod. That makes sense. You’re sure being more insect-like helps with the dry weather. You could only assume that carapaces and hardened exoskeletons dealt with the harsh climate better than your human skin could. “Why do they have the sith wayfinder?”
Kylo turns away, but you could see out of the corner of your eye him bringing a hand up to his forehead, swiping it quickly in the hopes that you wouldn’t notice. Heh. So he is affected by the heat.
“They’re an ancient cult related to the sith. Most of them are gone, but few still remain. I’m sure living on such a horrible planet helps deter others seeking artifacts.”
You nod, falling silent again. As you’re focusing on your footsteps in the silty sand, Kylo asks a question this time.
“Your parents. They were kind to you.”
He says it more like a statement, but it's with a tilt in his voice that asks for confirmation. You feel the back of your neck tense up. A small probing motion tickles the back of your mind, almost like someone grazed their fingers along it, but not actually pushing through. You lick your dry lips, clearing your throat to respond.
“I… yeah. They were kind. My mom… and my dad.”
Kylo looks down at you. His eyes were narrowed, looking as if he were expecting more. For some reason, you had a feeling that this was his poor attempt of trying to open up further to you.
“What… what about you?”
You see Kylo’s jaw tense up at your question. He looks away but does answer you.
“They were both very busy. Had little time for me. I ended up being raised by a droid more than my parents.” You see Kylo’s fist clench, anger rising. “It was like they didn’t want to take the time to raise me.”
You wonder how much of that was true.
Your response is cut short by Kylo tapping your shoulder, grabbing your attention. The sandy dunes ahead of you began to give away to rougher, jagged terrain, ashy and mountainous. The coarse, unforgiving ground below you cracked in patterns, crunching slightly under your footsteps. Not too far ahead, a few roughspun tents were propped up, surrounding what looked to be a small, longstanding temple. Kylo’s footsteps cease and yours follow.
That’s the group we’re looking for , Kylo says in your mind, his deep voice vibrating comfortably in the confines of your head.
Before you attempt to answer again, a whisking noise rips through the air, quiet and sharp. You register it as a dagger passing by your head.
“They know we’re here.”
Kylo begins a strong advance, stride long and fast as he begins to quickly approach the head of the camp. You attempt to follow his sense of urgency, spurred by your own desire to not be pierced by a passing dagger.
As the two of you approach, you see that the tented area was occupied by a small group of insectoid people, dressed in dark robes, much like what Kylo had told you prior. A strange clicking noise comes from their mouths, what you could assume was a sort of war cry. Their antennae rub together vigorously, creating a rather terrifying sounding vibration that throws you off.
Kylo Ren wastes no time in his attack. A quick thumb swipe and his lightsaber roars to life, angry and crackling blade immediately illuminating the dusty ground below. In the time you’ve been with Kylo, you’ve almost grown to forget the downright terrifying presence he commanded, his expertise in battle that made him someone to be feared. It almost reminded you of a bullet train, fast and dangerous in his path. He immediately crashes into an attacker, knocking them over before his saber pierces through its carapace like butter. Blood splashes against the ground, staining it with a strange inky green.
Your emotions are caught in your throat, thick like a lead ball as your head swims and struggles to keep up with the current situation. You stumble back, bumping into the hands of an insectoid man. He hisses, holding a knife flush against your throat. You could feel your heartbeat thrumming against the metal, threatening to spill your blood.
In a quick act of defense, you manage to twist the man’s arm, palms cutting against his rough and spiky exterior. It’s just enough for you to wriggle out of his grasp, scrambling away.
You spot Kylo half-turning to your direction, stance low and dangerous. He puts full force on a swing, saber cutting against your attacker and slicing him in half. His separated, segmented body falls in two right in front of you, his blood splashing against your boots and pants.
Kylo turns back to focus on an incoming attack from another member, defenses fast and skilled. You take a moment to breathe, one that only comes as a single breath from your lungs before another member, presumably the final one, charges as you. In a defensive cry, you block his swing at you at the last moment, staff held out in front of you. Thank the stars for your quick enough reflexes.
You manage to get yourself back to your feet, focusing now on defending against the insectoid man in front of you. You puff fast hot breaths, arms, legs and mind working overtime to remember your training. But this wasn’t like your training; you weren’t in the comfortable confines of Kylo Ren’s bedroom, and you weren’t fighting against Kylo Ren, who often gave you opportunities to attack and learn. He also wasn’t trying to kill you. This man actively was .
Your dexterity has managed you to defend against the man this far, but his sheer size against you was winning. You couldn’t keep up with his attacks closing in on you. As you continue to defend yourself, you hear bits and pieces of Kylo’s voice through the fight, trying to cut through the noise in your head. Push forward and attack. You’re acting afraid. You need to fight back or he will kill you. You’re holding back.
The man pushes you against a wall of cobbled stone, knocking the wind out of you. You’re cornered, rapidly running out of options. The static in your mind intensifies, drowning out the sounds around you. A trilling noise from the insectoid man cuts through the static, dangerous in tone as his mandibles click together. He begins to raise his arm, cutlass in hand.
Fuck, no, no…
Kylo’s voice booms in your mind, absolutely deafening. It causes your hands to fly up to your forehead, clutching it in pain.
Kill him.
Eyes closed and with a cry, you feel the force around you begin to splinter, like a continent being ripped apart. You feel the man in front of you stumble, noise of shock as the ground beneath him shifts and causes him to lose his balance. In a swift motion, you grab your staff and fully knock him over. Standing over the man now, you plunge your staff downwards, straight through his neck.
It cries out in pain, vestigial wings fluttering in agony. His mandibles splay out, leaving his gurgled cry unfiltered. Bubbly blood begins to come up and pool from its mouth, leaking onto the ground below.
Your senses seem to go haywire, both sharpening and dulling in different ways. You barely register your hands shaking, still gripped deathly tight onto the staff you had impaled through your attacker’s neck. A throbbing pain shoots through your head, pushing through your synapses like a thundering storm.
You feel warm, but in a differing sense than the dry desert heat. It feels closer and fluctuating. You look up, only to see that a small number of the tents have been set on fire. The flames billow smoke up into the open air as the sky quickly turns to twilight. The fire seems to lick dangerously close to Kylo, who seems to be holding something in his open palm. It looks like an old looking scroll, or what was left of it; the rest of it seems to quickly smolder into embers and ash, blowing away from his hand.
Kylo clenches his fist and then yells in a fit of rage, saber colliding with the remnants of the adjoining temple. The bricks crumble underneath his weight, crashing onto the dusty ground below.
You return your attention back to your hands, finally freeing yourself from your staff. They were trembling, stained with the inky green blood of the insectoid man below you. You… you have just killed someone. For the first time ever.
Your mind begins to spiral, panic creeping through your veins to match the heat you felt across your skin. You vaguely hear Kylo sheathe his saber, then more aptly feel his leathered hand roughly grab your shoulder, then arm. He pulls you up, marching you in the direction of his ship.
“We need to report back to the Supreme Leader. We’re done here.”
Notes:
hi friends! <3 i hope you're having a lovely february. goshhhhhh this chapter was so hard to write for some reason!! :S i think i just kept being unsatisfied with the fight scene. i feel like if i obsess over it anymore i'll go crazy. right now i have a lot written further ahead in the plot so my main challenge is sloooowly bridging the gaps between the content i've written. i keep wanting to release future stuff ive written before realizing "wait, nobody knows about this yet 🤭".... i'll get there, though!!
i maaaaay or may not be writing a little more matt the radar technician/reader off on the side too 👀 but idk when i'll be publishing that. it's definitely not a behemoth like this story is turning out to be.
anyways poor reader i feel kinda bad 😭 i just keep traumatizing them. this isn't even nearly the worst to come too oml... well strap in i guess LOL
as always lmk what you think, reading your comments literally always makes my day like it makes me so happy. i appreciate being able to share something i enjoy with others! i'll see you next update :] <33
Chapter 20
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
You felt incredibly numb.
The walk back to Kylo’s TIE whisper was quiet and largely uneventful. Kylo simply looked forward, jaw set and steely gaze piercing through nothing. You could feel the rage radiating off of him, a stark contrast against the now rather cold weather in the night. Your body might as well have been shivering from the temperature, but in your state you couldn’t quite tell. All you could primarily focus on was one foot set in front of the other in the sand.
Your mind felt like a whirlwind. The fact that you had taken your first life kept echoing loudly in your head, an undeniable fact taunting you and your sense of humanity. You knew of the war and you knew your side in it. You understood that hundreds of thousands of soldiers have died on both sides. But you… you’ve never been the one to do it yourself. Your line of work was so abstractly disconnected from the act of murder that it was easy to forget. Now it was impossible.
As you finally approach Kylo’s ship, another smaller part of your anxieties begins to bubble to the surface. You and Kylo had failed your mission. Supreme Leader Snoke would not be happy. Your thoughts flit back to when Snoke was displeased with you, your existence. Your hand trails up to gently touch your throat, remembering when he had force choked you.
Your exchange of silence between Kylo and you continued aboard the ship. Before you left, the fact that there was only one seat made you flustered in a lighter-hearted, teasing manner. Now it felt incredibly awkward and tense.
As Kylo flips various switches to get the ship back to the Supremacy , you feel his muscles shift behind your back. It reminds you of how sore your own muscles felt, pairing with exhaustion from the mission. As the colors of planet Estif blur away into hyperspace, you find yourself drifting off to sleep.
In your dream, you look around to recognize an active cracian thumper race on Scaidu. The day was particularly mild, sunshine and humidity not overbearing as a cool breeze weaved through the cheering crowd. The scent of the trampled dirt kicking up fills your nostrils once more, instantly reminding you of the memory you were taking a part of. Normally you would be filled with wonder, staring at the racers around the track and cheering for a team, but instead you were filled with a sense of dread. This memory wasn’t pleasant.
It all ended up happening so fast. A particular fan in the upper seats cheers loudly, popping off a confetti cannon in celebration. The noise spooks the second runner’s cracian thumper, causing it to rear up and knock off the racer. Before anything could be stopped, the rapidly approaching racers rush past and over the racer. The screams pierce through the crowd noise like a gunshot, finally alerting the judges and commentators of what was going on. What once was an overarching sense of joy in the air quickly changed to shock, then haunting despair. Other judges stepped in, yelling loudly over the commotion as they tried to stop the other runners as fast as possible.
This was when you first saw a dead body.
You hadn’t meant to. It just happened. The race was immediately called off, medics rushing to the scene as the rest of the crowd is ushered out of the area. You move along the crowd, keeping close to your mother. At your spot, the direction of you leaving the area happened to pass by the unfortunate racer. You find yourself doing the same thing you did back then, looking over the railings at the man, partly out of terror and partly out of morbid curiosity.
What you saw though was something different.
What was supposed to be the deceased, trampled body of the twilek racer wasn’t there. It was the body of the Estif cult member you had killed. Its eyes were glazed over, fresh blood still pooling from its punctured throat.
That same static noise seems to compound in your head again, drowning out the noise around you. Everything else seems to slowly fade away, putting even more focus on the dead body in front of you. Even though he was dead, you swear you could hear something, some sort of haunting whisper. It coincides with a tug on the back of your head, a stronger one than you’ve felt before. It almost felt like fingers were seeping into your skull.
You awake with a start. Breath short, everything else seems to slowly come into view, reality shifting back into your main focus. You were staring out of the TIE whisper viewport, looking at the bustling energy of the Supremacy’s main hangar.
Kylo Ren taps your shoulder, signaling for you to get up.
“Supreme Leader Snoke has requested our presence immediately.”
---
The walk towards the supreme leader’s throne room felt much like a march to your death. With each step you became increasingly aware of the mission’s failure. Your failure.
The outer guards let you into the chamber and once again your senses are overcrowded with the strikingly scarlet walls. The air felt like a vacuum as well, pressure from the force pressing against your skin. You try not to tremble as you approach Supreme Leader Snoke.
Kylo bows and you do the same, formally addressing Snoke. Upon lifting your head to meet the supreme leader, you couldn’t easily gauge his reaction. He held that same contemplative expression, still terrifying all the same.
“The mission to retrieve the sith wayfinder on Estif. I see no such object in our possession.” Snoke’s voice becomes tinged with a sense of aggravation, impatience. “What happened?”
Thank the stars, Kylo Ren responds first, leaving you to lower your gaze in respect as he explains the mission’s outcome. You listen closely to his voice. Through the voice modulator it sounds surprisingly well composed, if not a bit more submissive than you’re normally used to outside of the Supreme Leader’s sight.
“We approached the sith cult members to obtain the wayfinder. They were prepared and launched an assault. We had managed to eliminate the entire group, but they… they had managed to set fire to their camp. The wayfinder was not there, but a set of coordinates.” Kylo Ren pauses, a search to find the right words, or maybe the courage to speak them. “We were unsuccessful in retrieving the coordinates. They burned away in the fire.”
You look over to Kylo, who seems to be looking straight ahead, focused on nothing. You couldn’t see his face, but you could sense that he was concentrated, frustrated. He didn’t look back at you. Nodding in agreement, you force yourself to voice your confirmation.
“This is true, Supreme Leader.”
A much longer pause of silence causes the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on end. Finally, Supreme Leader Snoke speaks and his tone carries a heavy sort of disappointment, possibly a dangerous one.
“Another failure. I thought I had trained my apprentice better.”
Kylo Ren looks up to Snoke, motions rigid. Of course he knew better than to speak out of line, but in this rare moment you were getting the feeling that Kylo would give anything to be given that opportunity.
“While I am greatly disappointed by this further setback, there isn’t much time to waste on punishment. The longer we languish in failure, the more time the Resistance has to regain forces and gather strength. I will have the two of you on immediate standby for the next possible location of the sith wayfinder.” Snoke’s head turns to you, eyes narrowed. “Though something different has happened on this mission. I can sense it. You…”
You tense up, dreading the attention being set squarely on you now. Fear trickles down your spine, cold and unforgiving. This feeling of fear triples when Snoke raises a hand, directed towards you-- or more aptly, your head. Instinctively you close your eyes and almost immediately a rough pulling notion tugs through your mind.
You choke out a noise, strangled cry caught halfway in your chest as a number of various memories rip and fly past you from behind your eyelids. It’s not until it settles on your recent memory of the dead cult member again, vision closer than ever. A sound akin to a whimper leaves your lips, begging for the memory to go away.
Just as quickly as it began, the sensation and memory leave your vision at once, sight restored to a now grinning supreme leader.
“You had killed another for the first time.” His hand clenches into a fist. “Good. Good .”
A finger of his points towards you. “You will need to harness that emotion. Fear.” As if to make a point, Snoke twitches his hand and while the visual memory of the dead cult member doesn’t resurface, the stark emotions you felt with it do. Your throat feels tight and tears prick at your eyes, heart hammering in your chest. He releases and you can breathe again, though through a more ragged cough.
“Use that.” With a hand wave, Snoke reclines back in his throne and speaks to his guards.
“Dismissed. We will speak again when there is new information on the wayfinder.”
The two of you leave the throne room.
---
Once you’re out of earshot of Supreme Leader Snoke and his guards, you whisper to Kylo.
“Can… can I come with you?”
Kylo looks down at you, expression unreadable through the mask. A long, garbled sigh releases from his helmet as it snaps back into place, continuing to walk forward. He makes no objection to you following.
You follow Kylo through the open door to his quarters. He heads to the main seating area towards the middle of the room, sitting down in one of the armchairs. You choose to sit in the one opposite of him.
It’s quiet for a moment. You feel guilt and pain creep up through your body, emotions infusing in your inflections as you find it hard to meet his gaze. This compounds when you hear the familiar hissing of Kylo Ren’s helmet releasing, soft clunk of the metal on the ground signaling that he was maskless and likely looking at you.
You find yourself pinching at the skin on your hand, moving your knuckles to see the tendons dance under your skin.
“So… that piece of paper. The one that turned to ashes. That would’ve been what we needed to locate the sith wayfinder. And it’s gone now.”
A pause. “Yes.”
What little hope you felt about contributing to finding the wayfinder now felt dashed away, an impossible goal in front of you that you barely understood. You sigh, hand squeezing your other forearm before your nails lightly dig into the skin. The pressure made you feel a bit more grounded, something you really needed at this moment.
Kylo speaks up again. “That was your first time. Taking another life.”
You feel tears prick at the edges of your eyes. A shiver runs down your spine as you swallow your spit.
“Are you mad at me?”
Kylo’s response was quicker this time. “No.”
You turn to face him now, curiosity over his expression pushing you to do so. You search his face, trying to find what emotion he was holding. It was something somber, but you couldn’t tell exactly what.
“I would tell you the first life I had taken, but I don’t know who died first in that temple.”
Something about the way he says it sends a horrible shiver down your spine. You break eye contact again, looking out instead at the less intense visual of the stars outside the viewport.
“I should have been more prepared. I should’ve done better. I promise I will next time.” Saying that makes your stomach hurt. There would be a next time.
“I know you will.” You hear shuffling and see Kylo get up from his chair and walk over to the viewport, arms held behind his back.
“I felt like you once. But that feeling… it can be powerful. A strong connection to the dark side of the force.” Kylo briefly looks over to you, intense brown eyes catching yours again for a moment. “What Snoke said was true. Darker emotions can help further open that connection.”
A soft and deep sigh comes from Kylo. “I was unhappy with how I was treated at Luke Skywalker’s training academy. It was infantilizing, but in the same breadth I had the expectation of everyone resting on my shoulders. I was always training, living, being under my uncle’s shadow. I’m glad to have left that behind.”
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Your look of tense fear is slowly replaced by something more sympathetic. It’s paired with a smile at him, one he catches as he slowly approaches you.
“Well I’m glad you left. I’m glad you’re with me. You’re a great leader.”
Kylo leans down, soft gloved hand gently holding your chin. His dark locks of hair lightly tickle the sides of your face. Up close, his strong features always seemed to take your breath away. He was close enough for his breath to brush against your cheek, warming it.
“And you are a great apprentice.”
Kylo’s lips reach dangerously close to yours. You find yourself leaning in, only to have them gently ghost across yours before he pulls away. You’re brought back into reality, head spinning from his close proximity. You focus your thoughts, trying to direct them straight towards him.
Tease .
A small, deep chuckle indicates that he had heard you.
Notes:
AHHHH KYLO you tease!!!
hope you all have been having a lovely february :] i for one am excited for tomorrow. i've been on a big sims obsession recently and can't wait for the new dlc tomorrow. also yes i do end up playing with kylo a lot in my saves 🤭 thank god for mods!!
anyway i hope you all enjoy this update! i gotta refine some outlines for the next 2-3 chapters but i'll get on that when im able. as always any comments are super appreciated! until next time! <3
Chapter 21
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A rather shrill beeping noise wakes you from your slumber.
You groan, face scrunched in irritation as you blindly fumble for the deactivation on your datapad. You had meant to turn it off for today, given that your training with Kylo wasn’t until the afternoon. Now that you were awake though, it felt futile to try and return to what once felt like the comfiest bedding in the galaxy.
Eltee greets you with a warm chirp, rolling over to where your coffee maker sat. With a small press from an extended mini-claw, he begins to brew a cup for you.
You snort, grin on your face as you shuffle out of bed and pat the little droid. “Such a good boy, Eltee.” You have to admit, showing him how to brew your morning coffee has been one of the more useful things you’ve taught him.
With a sigh, you take a seat back down on your bed and flick through various events happening aboard the Supremacy between sips of your coffee. You still didn’t have clearance to head back to your previous job and you were already caught up on all your favorite shows, leaving you with little to do outside of training with Kylo. You grumble quietly to yourself, reading off the various events. “ Self-Defense 101, Annual Career Conference, Onboarding Orientation …”
A particular section seems to catch your attention. “ Beginner’s Info-Session to Piloting .” You think back to Kylo effortlessly piloting his TIE whisper and wishing you could do that yourself. The sense of freedom you could possibly attain that way…
Looking at the timing, it seemed to start pretty soon and end just before your scheduled time with Kylo today. Without giving it much a second thought, you register for the event.
Seeing as it had a small registration fee, you grab a handful of credits you had placed on your nightstand. You were beginning to accumulate a small pile, unsure of what to use it for. Since your change in…well, almost everything in regards to your place within the First Order, you’ve been bumped up in paygrade by a fairly large amount. A bit of you assumes that this was more Kylo’s doing than General Hux’s. As far as you were aware, he’s still extremely irritated that Kylo has taken away from him what he called you -- one of his better-working scribes.
You weren’t used to being paid so much. You already use some of your upgraded pay in purchasing more meals for yourself, finding it comforting to eat more proper food in the privacy of your own personal quarters. Even still, you had plenty left over-- and so, a growing pile of leftover credits began to accumulate on your nightstand, right next to your first proper paycheck from the First Order and a small photo of your mother. It was the only photo you had of her. One of her friends had owned a camera and took a few shots of you and your mother many years ago. She gave a few to you to keep.
You hesitate, finding yourself staring at the photo for a moment longer than you normally do. Something uncomfortable stirred within you. Memories that threatened to upset your current excitement for the upcoming piloting info-session. You force yourself to tear away from the nightstand, clutching your credits in hand as you leave your quarters.
The session was being held in one of the larger atrium-like areas of the Supremacy . Officers guided people to designated tables to finish registration and be assigned to a smaller group. From the looks of it, all different sorts of First Order employees were present. Majority seemed to be stormtroopers, maybe wanting to take that next step in becoming a TIE fighter pilot or something similar in that regard. To your relief, there were also some admin-related employees present as well, some lower-ranking officers and technicians waiting patiently for the event to start.
You complete your registration, heading to your smaller assigned group. Set up were a number of large boxy areas with what resembled a number of First Order ships fixated on the other side. Fake, of course. They seemed to be flight simulators.
Your head instructor clears his throat, quieting the chatter around you. You recognized the instructor-- Admiral Berand. Aged, rugged face and salty-white beard. You’ve seen him before in a number of admin meetings. He was usually quiet, put in his own suggestions but never as loud and boisterous as some of the other officials. Here though, he seemed to be more in his element; there was something different sparkling behind his eyes, a bit more passion that then carried into his now much louder voice. You wonder if he remembers you.
Admiral Berand gives the main rundown of the session, going over a lot of the very initial basics of piloting. A bit of history, some essential terminology… you force yourself to pay attention, wanting to absorb the knowledge where you could. You couldn’t deny that your eyes light up when he finally motions to the flight simulators, allowing each attendee a turn.
You step into your own simulator, finding what appeared to be a fairly accurate replica of a TIE fighter interior inside. Excitement tingles down your spine, anxious to start as you seat yourself. This is what you’ve been wanting to try for a long time.
Admiral Berand’s slightly distorted voice comes through an internal speaker in the simulator.
“ Alright, let’s see … Initiates. You’re now about to complete a rudimentary flight simulation on the basics of piloting a TIE fighter. You’re going to complete a simple set of maneuvers guided by a voice and lighting to indicate which controls are needed. The simulation will wrap up by giving you the simple task of shooting down an enemy Resistance ship. Good luck.”
As Admiral Berand’s voice cuts off, the screen in front of you turns on and reveals a rather accurate depiction of outer space. You find yourself unable to contain your grin, thinking of how you looked out at the endless expanse of stars in Kylo’s TIE whisper.
The start of the simulation feels rather simple. Very basic maneuvering techniques are narrated by a robotic voice and signaled by lit-up buttons and controls. When toggling them, the simulation responds and you feel the fake ship lurch forward. It reminded you of when you would play the ( arguably much more rudimentary ) “fight simulator” games featured at the arcade in the city as a kid. You didn’t get to go very often, but the times you did you remember having a lot of fun. It definitely kicked off your thirst for exploration.
Your confidence surges as you continue through the simulation. You feel like you weren’t actually doing half-bad! …That is until the final section of the simulation starts.
The robotic voice signals that an incoming Resistance ship will be approaching with your task to take it down. You grit your teeth, gripping the handles in anticipation. After a few moments of waiting, your TIE fighter suddenly lurches forward, feeling as if it was hit with a blaster. Confused, you manipulate the controls to turn around. Where was the Resistance pilot? You hadn’t seen them.
After making a full turn in the other direction, you see a Resistance X-wing rapidly approaching you. Hell, they didn’t tell you it was coming from behind!
A part of you briefly forgets that it’s a simulation at this point, panic rising in you as you attempt to target the X-wing. You fire off a few shots but miss most of them, only grazing the tail-end. The X-wing fires more shots at you, rattling the entire simulator. You feel your muscles tense, pressure in your mind compounding. Shit, don’t get too worked up . The last thing you would want is for your rather temperamental force-sensitivity damaging the flight simulator and pissing off Admiral Berand.
Breathing out through your nose, you bring yourself back into focus. Despite this, you struggle to take aim at the X-wing. It seemed to be moving impossibly fast. As it begins to speed towards you, you take the opportunity to more accurately aim, hoping that this would be your perfect opening.
In a split second, the X-wing zooms right past you, heavily clipping your TIE fighter. It sends it into a heavy spin, earning a frightened shout from you as the entire simulator spins.
In a few short seconds the simulator stabilizes and the screen shuts off, signifying the end of the simulation. A robotic narrator reads off your statistics, ultimately gracing you with the rather disappointing notion that no, you had not defeated the Resistance X-wing and yes , if this was real, you would have been killed.
Face aflame with embarrassment, you sigh as you slowly exit the flight simulator. At least no one else was around to see how poorly you did. Looking around at the others though, it seemed that a good amount of attendees were also thrown for a loop (quite literally). A few troopers looked heavily green in the face, two seconds away from losing their breakfast all over the floor. Others clutched their heads, trying to reign in their dizziness and sore limbs from bumping into the center console.
Looking at Admiral Berand, he seemed to have the slightest hint of a smirk on his face. If you had to guess, he seemed to take enjoyment from shocking and weeding out weaker attendees from the program. You suppose everyone had their own special kink.
Admiral Berand gathers the group together to finish the session followed by directing the lot of you to another table. There they seemed to have more info on further training sessions. Some troopers and admin employees immediately turned away, seemingly turned off now from the prospect of flying anything within the First Order. You, though… well, as bad as your first test was, you wanted more. And luckily for you, the training sessions didn’t conflict with your training with Kylo. At least it gave you something else to do.
With still an hour or two left before your training with Kylo, you decide to head back to your quarters for a quick lunch. Away you go through the winding hallways, excited about your future piloting training.
As you walk throughout the Supremacy though, your excitement slowly fades and is replaced with a more uncomfortable emotion. Hairs stand on the back of your neck as you pass by various employees, off in their own worlds, either talking in groups or hurrying off to their next task. Every so often though, an employee or two would end up staring at you, sometimes whispering to their following co-worker. Your mind-reading wasn’t nearly in-tune as Kylo’s was, but you could very briefly skim some of their thoughts as you passed by. They often said your name, hushed as to hope you wouldn’t hear it.
“Is that the scribe that Commander Ren’s been following around?”
“I heard they’re force sensitive, too.” “What, really? How?”
“Are they as strong as Commander Ren?” “No, no. But I heard that’s why they’ve been transferred under him. Something about training. Maybe…”
The various thoughts you heard in other employee’s heads made your skin crawl. It wasn’t everyone you came across, but the few who were that way made it feel like thousands of eyes were looking at you. You weren’t just any regular scribe anymore. With your missions and training with Kylo, rumors were bound to start spreading across the Supremacy . It wasn’t like Kylo got close to just anybody.
Your mouth goes dry when you pass by a group and see a familiar face. Ramona. You haven’t seen her in months, especially since that outburst you had at her in the cafeteria. It was also kind of a reason you didn’t want to head to the cafeteria anymore.
She seems to catch your eye just for a moment. Her smile and laugh fades and as soon as it happens she averts her gaze from you, purposely pretending as if you weren’t there.
Ouch.
You finally reach your personal quarters. After saying a small greeting to Eltee, you sigh and grab a small sandwich from your mini-fridge, scarfing it down as you lay in bed. You stare blankly at the ceiling, feeling numb.
Since getting involved with… well, everything with Kylo, your small group of friends has dwindled down to nothing. You really don’t even interact with much other people than Kylo now. Was… was that a bad thing?
Isolation. That word rings in your mind like a red flag. But did you really even have a choice when it came to your training with Kylo? Surely the First Order would have never allowed a force-sensitive like you to just… exist within the organization’s mundane ranks. If you didn’t comply, well… you didn’t really want to think about it.
A smaller portion of your thinking pushes in, aiming to rationalize the situation. It wasn’t your fault that Kylo Ren was the way he was. He’s the lead commander of the First Order. It’s kind of difficult to have other relations with people below his rank, especially with how terrifying he can be to everyone else. It’s not a bad thing that you’re heavily involved with Kylo now, right?
Before you could think on it further, your datapad beeps with an incoming message. Grabbing it, you read out a message from Kylo.
Training starts in half an hour. We’ll be focusing more on training your mind again .
You shake your head, trying to physically shake away your previous thoughts. You type out a response and start to prepare yourself.
Gotcha. Can’t wait :)
With your training uniform on and bottle of water in hand, you head over to Kylo’s quarters.
---
You’re greeted with the visual of Kylo laying out what appeared to be a set of foam yoga mats for you and him. He was dressed down in a black, loose sleeveless shirt and gray yoga pants. Ones that sort of left little to the imagination. You chastise yourself, mentally bumping your mind. Focus!
Kylo says your name, patting his hand down on the mat across from him. You smile, taking a seat cross-legged.
“So… mind reading for today?”
“Sort of.” He seemed… calmer today. It was a rarer side of him that you had a feeling only you got to see. “We’ll do a bit of mind reading, but I also want to focus on you projecting your voice to me through the force. Not just thinking, but actually speaking.”
You nod, remembering the last time you had “attempted” to do so. Kylo had told you that while he had heard you, that was only because he was reading your mind. You hadn’t actually spoken out to him through the force.
“Think of it this way.” Kylo taps the adam’s apple on his throat. “There’s two ways of speaking out loud. Speaking from your throat…” He moves his fingers lower, tapping his sternum. “...and speaking from your chest. It’s kind of that way with the force. Try speaking with your chest to me, but through the force.”
You let out a quiet sigh through your nostrils, nodding. It made enough sense to you. Closing your eyes to focus better, you think deep inside your mind. For a few moments, you think of what to say aloud to Kylo.
…Can you hear me?
You hear a soft chuckle, in real life, followed by a more echo-y sounding voice from Kylo from within your own mind.
Surprisingly, yes. Good job.
A grin slowly spreads across your face, happy at your breakthrough progress.
The next hour or so consists of you continually repeating your exercises with Kylo, trying to speak to him through the force over and over again. You were certainly doing better than before, but it still needed practice. Kylo told you that your voice was weak ( ouch-- you knew he didn’t mean it maliciously, though ) and that it fluctuated between speaking outwards and thinking within the confines of your own mind. That was initially fine if Kylo was close to you, but if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be able to communicate with you unless you could do it back. Simply something that’ll take practice.
Just as you’re practicing on moving a small object through the force again, Kylo comes at you from behind. One arm wraps around your midsection while the other lightly grazes your outstretched forearm. His breath tickles the back of your neck, warranting a gasp from you.
“I was thinking…”
His voice vibrated deep against you, especially when this close. You squirm, hoping that the blush in your cheeks wasn’t too noticeable.
“Yeah?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to travel off-ship for a few days. There’s this planet I’ve been looking into, towards the mid-rim. Elos.”
You furrow your brows together. You don’t think you’ve heard of that planet before.
“Huh… like, for a mission?”
“I was thinking more like a date.”
Oh. Oh!
You completely fail to hide the stupid grin on your face. Clearing your throat in hopes that your voice doesn’t come out as ridiculously excited as you currently felt, you nod.
“I’d, um, I’d like that!” You briefly frown. “But… what about Snoke? Won’t he question where you’re heading?”
The hand around your midsection squeezes a bit tighter. “He’s a bit preoccupied with other affairs right now. Plus I’ve written off in the logs that it’s for something regarding gathering intel for the First Order.”
You nod vigorously against him, excitement building up like a wound spring in your stomach.
“G-great! It’s settled then… I can’t wait.”
Kylo chuckles against you, causing you to feel a light vibration against your back.
“We’ll get ready tomorrow.”
Notes:
hi friends, happy april! (no april fools, just a new chapter :] )
still busy living life, but i managed to flesh out the next few chapters a bit more. i hope you like this longer update in the meantime! <3
i definitely had that one mission to mars ride at disney world in mind when it came to writing the flight simulation scene. back when i was a kid that made me want to be an astronaut sooooo bad!!
just as a warning (a good one!) major incoming fluff (and some smut) next chapter!! i like writing soft kylo so much it kills meeeeee
of course lmk what you think with this update! ill try to get out another update this month, maaybe the next if i get too busy. so until next time! <3
Chapter 22
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
You were so excited you could barely sleep the night. It felt like those nights that your mother told you she was bringing you to the city. Like a mini field trip.
Once awake, you ready yourself and head out the door. You bring a small bag with you, stuffed with a day or two’s worth of clothes and whatever necessities you thought you might need. What you were currently wearing though was just your simple admin uniform. For now until you left the ship, you needed to keep up the scenario that you and Kylo were simply going off-ship for a mission related to the First Order.
You meet Kylo in the main hangar, a smile slowly spreading across your face. You almost wave at him but end up stopping yourself, feeling a little goofy. Everyone else was shying away from the man, or cowering in fear, while you sat there wanting to greet him like a good friend. Instead you settle for a respectful nod.
“Commander Ren. Ready for our… mission.”
You hear a distorted noise come from his helmet, almost sounding like a snort. A small tickling sensation crosses under your skull before you hear his voice in your head.
No need to be so formal.
You bite your lip, holding back a small laugh.
Got it. Sorry.
Kylo Ren guides you to his personal TIE whisper, hand once again lingering a little too low on your back to be considered platonic. Did he get a rise out of it, you wonder? Did he like subtly reminding others around the ship that you were his?
You keep up your sense of formality, ignoring the few stares as you board Kylo’s TIE whisper alongside him. The hatch seals shut and you sigh, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
Kylo heads to the main pilot seat, settling down and strapping in.
“Elos isn’t far from here. It won’t take as long as Estif did.”
You head over to Kylo, nodding and taking a seat in his lap. As you watch Kylo ready the ship for takeoff, flicking various knobs and switches, you hum quietly in contemplation.
Huh. The controls made a little more sense now.
Kylo was right in that the trip to Elos was much shorter, nearly less than half the time it took to get to Estif, even with hyperspace travel. A planet slowly comes into view, bright blue with large green continents. The closer Kylo approached the atmosphere, the more you could see of the planet’s climate. Large, lush patches of tropical jungles were scattered throughout the land. Kylo was pulling into a more civilized, populated area. A rather large city became more clear into view, buildings reminiscent of Alderaan architecture.
As Kylo finishes pulling into a docking bay, he allows you to get up. Hands fly to the latches of his helmet, releasing them with a hiss. He points to the small bathroom on his ship.
“I would dress in more civilian attire. I don’t intend on brandishing more attention to our allegiance to the First Order more than my ship already does.”
You nod, taking the opportunity to slip into the bathroom with a pair of clothes. Reemerging with a loose, flowy shirt and high-waisted trousers, you grin as you step aside to let Kylo change next.
While he was readying himself, you take the opportunity to stare out of the viewport at the bustling docking bay. Everything seemed to be very… clean. Bustling, but organized. You look further out at the background, marveling at the distant mountains and trees the size of skyscrapers.
Kylo’s hand on your shoulder causes you to spin around. You’re met with him dressed down in more casual clothing. His armor and helmet have been discarded and replaced with a looser shirt and black slacks. Cute.
“Ready to go?”
The two of you step out of the ship and are met by a man in pristine uniform, checking off lists on his datapad. He reaches you, eyes scanning through his data.
“Welcome to Elos.” He says your name, confirming your expected arrival on the list before looking at Kylo.
“And…?”
“Ben.”
You look up at Kylo, a hint of curiosity in your expression. It makes sense, you suppose, that Kylo would have to choose a different name to go by while trying to be somewhat undercover. You weren’t exactly well-known to the rest of the galaxy, but he was, and as far as you were aware there weren’t many other people who went by the name “Kylo.”
For some reason, Ben sounded like a fitting name.
The man in uniform smiles, nodding as he taps a few things on his datapad.
“Right, Ben. Perfect-- I’ll be sure that your ship will stay secure in the docking bay for the next few days. Have a wonderful time on Elos, okay?”
The man waves you off as you follow Kylo out of the docking bay and into the city.
You look around in awe at the rest of the city before you. Impossibly tall Alderaan-esque skyscraper buildings made of a white marbly synthstone compete against the equally-as-tall trees, creating pockets of cool shade in contrast with the sunny atmosphere. Various individuals, mostly other tourists you presumed, bustled two and fro, some toting around shopping bags filled with stars knows what. You’ve never seen anything like this before in person.
Holding onto his arm, you keep close to Kylo, who seems to know where he’s going through the crowds. “How did you know about this place?”
Kylo looks around as well, neck craning upwards briefly to stare at the trees. “Elos is a big tourist spot. Perfect for vacations. They’ve stayed mostly neutral in the war up until now. The First Order has been trying to slowly win them over.” He gives a small shrug, returning his gaze to you. “I’m not concerned about that this trip, though.”
A small splash of heat spreads across your cheeks, warming them against the cooler air. You nod, smile fighting to resurface.
Kylo guides you to the hotel that he had booked for the two of you. You’re greeted by an incredibly kind woman, almost serene in nature-- in fact, most of the staff you’ve met in this city have seemed so well composed and cordial. It almost creeped you out a bit.
Still, you keep your own formal kindness with the staff, following the woman and Kylo to your designated room. You go up further and further, giving enough time for you to gather that Kylo had likely booked quite an expensive room. You say to him quietly, “Had to pick the best room available, hmm?”
Kylo snorts, brows furrowing and nose scrunching up in that cute way you’ve been noticing more often. “Why wouldn’t I? Why waste time settling for less?”
You briefly wonder how Kylo ended up growing up as a child. You knew now that he was related to Luke Skywalker… so he likely didn’t struggle in any sense. Before you could get a question out, you’re cut off by finally arriving at your room.
“Here are the keycards. Be sure to let us know if there’s anything else you need, anything at all. Enjoy.” With a small bow, the woman leaves you two to enter the suite.
As you had suspected, the entire suite is massive, greeted with a large sprawling bedroom. Off to the side sits the bathroom, fitted with what looked to be a large walk-in hot tub, shower, and sink with enough counter space and mirrors to fit all the necessities you own three times over. You feel spoiled.
The two of you take a moment to set down your belongings before sun peeking through the curtains catches your eye. Upon opening them, you’re greeted with a rather large balcony, one that outlooks the coast and nearby cliffs. The golden-hour evening sunlight catches on a far away waterfall, creating little sparkles that dance across your field of vision.
“Wow…”
You’re awe-struck, really. You knew, or rather assumed that places like this existed, but it was never something attainable travel-wise to you. Most of your childhood was limited in location, only ever traveling as far as the bigger city on Scaidu. You’ve read and looked at pictures, videos of other planets far away from your own, dreamed of visiting them someday. It was even more beautiful in-person.
It takes a moment for you to notice Kylo’s hand resting gently on your back, fingers gently rubbing into the skin in a comforting motion. You sigh, resting your chin in your arms along the balcony rail. All you could think of right now is the word lucky . I’m so lucky. Despite it all, I’m so lucky to be given this.
Kylo says your name, catching your attention.
“Come back inside. I have something for you.”
You nod, heading back into the main bedroom area and closing the windows. The last little bit of golden sunlight dips behind the horizon and you’re left feeling a little chilly as night sets in.
Sitting on the corner of the bed, you watch Kylo rummage through his belongings. He talks to you while doing so.
“I know you’ve been training for a while now. You’ve been getting stronger with the force. I can feel it.” He pauses for a moment, grabbing a bag and bringing it up to face you. “Your role in the First Order is different than anyone else now. To more properly showcase that, I figured… figured I’d give you this.”
Kylo unzips the bag, revealing an outfit. It looks different than the other First Order authorized uniforms; actually it looks more like his own outfit. Not quite literally, but the type of fabric looked the same. A thin and sleek turtleneck with long sleeves, ones that covered your hands and had holes for your fingers. Over that seemed to be a coat, long enough to reach your ankles. It had angular cuts and embellishments and to you it screamed sith lord… or at least, maybe “Hey, I’m not just a regular admin employee anymore.”
You loved it.
“Wow, Kylo…”
You bite back the urge to giggle, wondering where he got the ideas for pieces of the outfit, like the turtleneck. Was he trying to gather hints from what other outfits you would wear around him?
You stand up to get a closer look, feeling the fabric. It felt comfortable. You’d have to try it on to really see of course, but for now it looked like it was all just the right fit for you, too.
“How did you know all of my measurements?”
Kylo huffs, avoiding your gaze. The smallest hint of a blush rises in his cheeks.
“...I may have looked through your closet.”
“You what? ”
You give him a smack on the arm, not too harsh-- more playful if anything. “Maybe I should tell Eltee to be on guard for you entering my quarters!”
You keep your hand on his arm, giving a gentle squeeze. “Really, though. Thank you. I love it.” You reach up, capturing his lips in yours for one soft and quick moment.
Maybe now would be the time to reveal what you had for him.
“You know, I had bought a new outfit, too. One for you.” Your voice drops lower, eyes locked with his. “Want to see?”
You see the tips of Kylo’s ears turn pink, eyes wide. His typical scary, standoffish manner has been melted away, replaced for now with adoring curiosity. He quickly nods.
You clasp your hands together, grinning. “Good! Do you think you can wait in the bathroom for a moment while I change?”
Kylo agrees, reluctantly pulling away for you while he sequesters himself away in the bathroom. Once the door is closed, you head to your belongings, fishing out what you were looking for.
In the time that you’ve been earning more credits, you decided to spend it on at least one nice thing, particularly with Kylo in mind. Everyone with the First Order aboard any of the flagships were given their set of uniforms, paired with a basic set of underwear. Comfortable at least, you admit, but… not entirely sexy. Very plain. Typically what lower-ranking First Order employees were allowed to order from off-ship was fairly restricted, but you had a feeling you could get around that now.
After doing a bit of research, you ended up purchasing a nice, black lacy set of lingerie. The only thing you partially regret was going to pick it up. Given that customs employees have to manually check every package that the First Order receives, the employee tasked to yours absolutely saw what you had ordered. They were about to give you a hard time, too, spouting off First Order restriction rules in front of you and everyone else in the room-- until a few hurried whispers reached the employee’s ears. They hurriedly gave you your package, avoiding eye contact. You felt like you wanted to die right then and there. Thank the stars your force-sensitivity didn’t act up then.
You slip on the lingerie, giving yourself a quick look over in the mirror before knocking on the bathroom door.
“Alright I’m done, you can look!”
Kylo opens the door and surprise surprise, his gaze is immediately on your breasts the second he opens the door. Another moment passes and those large hands are suddenly on your hips, squeezing the flesh.
Something different immediately swam behind those dark brown eyes, something lustful and hungry.
Kylo’s mouth is immediately on your neck, attacking it with rather passionate kisses. You squeak, feeling yourself be pushed back into the bed. His tongue travels south, getting a few words in between those kisses.
“Hmm… dinner… can wait a bit.”
You laugh, squirming underneath his touch and biting back a soft moan. “Can’t argue with that, Kylo.” You smirk. “Or should I say Ben? ”
Kylo’s breath hitches in his throat and his kisses stop, catching your attention. You couldn’t get a proper read on his face, but to you he looks conflicted. He shakes his head, not meeting your eyes.
“J-just call me Kylo.”
You nervously huff, worried that you’ve upset him somehow. Nodding, you swallow down your nerves. “Got it. Just Kylo.”
Trying to diffuse the sudden tension in the room, you lean down, close enough so that your breath tickles his ear. “Can I feel Kylo’s mouth again?”
This seems to stir Kylo right back into action, head moving further south as soft licks and open-mouthed kisses litter your stomach, hips, then thighs. He pushes you fully onto the bed, leaving your open legs in front of his face.
Looking down, you see Kylo smirk. His hot breath tickles your inner thighs, causing you to squirm. A thumb of his gently strokes your clit through your panties, making you clench on air. A dark chuckle sends further heat down into your core.
“So pretty… you’re making your new panties dirty already.” He keeps a hand between your thighs, rubbing your inner folds through the fabric. His face heads back up to your level, whispering in your ear. “ Slut .”
You fail to suppress a moan this time, the filthy noise escaping into the air and right into Kylo’s ear. He continues rubbing you, motions becoming rougher.
“You’re lucky I don’t tear off these clothes right now.”
A finger dips below the fabric and you whimper, cunt clenching around the digit as it enters you. Kylo’s voice is low, extra deep and rumbling like an incoming storm. “So wet…”
You squirm against the wall, needy whine hissing through your teeth as Kylo’s fingers tease you open. It doesn’t take much time for you to ache more, to need more.
“Kylo… please… I need…”
Kylo comes closer, pressing you closer against the wall. His eyes are intense, trained on your face and its subsequent reaction. He huffs a breath, jaw set. “Tell me what you need. I want to hear you say it.”
You swallow thickly, forcing yourself to meet his eyes. Your hips buck against his hand, punctuating your desire.
“I… need you inside me.”
It’s a blur, the time it takes between your panties being roughly shoved down to Kylo’s cock resting against your clit, throbbing and achy, to the sensation of being stretched wide, filled while pinned against the wall. You cry out, clench hard against him as you adjust.
Kylo’s thrusts are hard and fast, almost animalistic. It’s as if he’s trying to catch up to his arousal, release his energy he had pent up on thoughts about you all day today. Your pretty little outfit was the straw that broke his composure.
You moan and whimper, face pressed against his chest. After feeling your legs start to cramp from standing, you tap Kylo’s thigh, a signal for him to pause. Thankfully, he does.
Kylo gives you a questioning look, one you silently answer by eyeing the bed. He gets the message (or maybe he just read your mind again) and moves you over, back pressed flush against the soft satin sheets. Kylo leans over you, pressed close as he resumes a slower, but more rhythmic pace.
It reminds you a bit of your first time with Kylo. He still held that same look in his eye, the same one that made you question your feelings.
Don’t fall in love. Don’t fall in love with Kylo Ren.
You bite your lip, feeling your orgasm beginning to build like a wound up coil. Maybe you were reconsidering your thoughts back then. Maybe you could allow yourself to fall in love. Just a little bit.
You could tell Kylo was close now, too. He brings a hand down to busily toy with your clit, bringing your moans up an octave. You feel the final few pushes before you’re over the edge and now you’re seeing white, screaming out his name into the air. You hear a few groans of your name through him, grunted through gritted teeth while he spills himself deep inside you.
The two of you come down from each other’s highs, catching breath for a moment before Kylo pulls out and lazily climbs into bed with you. A soft sigh tickles your neck, bristling the hairs on it while you suppress a giggle.
“Ah… I know, dinner… but maybe we can wait a moment. Catch a little bit of rest.”
Kylo mumbles this against your chest in-between breaths. You grin, nodding as you pull into a more comfortable position with him. “Totally fine with that.”
A few words rest on your tongue, caught between actually saying them aloud and swallowing them back down into your stomach. It almost felt natural. Maybe you’ll wait another day to say them.
Instead, you nuzzle your face against Kylo’s chest, allowing sleep to steal your consciousness. Kylo lays flat against his back, staring up at the ceiling.
While you quietly sleep against him, Kylo stays awake, feeling strangely reminded of something. It takes a moment before he makes the connection, finally-- Chandrila.
Home before the First Order. Home when he was young, a young royal with budding jedi powers. Everything seemed so much more mundane back then. Maybe even a bit boring at times, at least particularly before Uncle Luke came into the picture and recommended jedi training. How ironic that now he seemed to be craving that… mundaneness again, particularly with you.
A deep sigh comes from the chest before Kylo Ren closes his eyes, allowing himself to try and get some sleep.
Notes:
hi friends!! 💖 sorry for the long wait before a new update!
i still don't feel totally satisfied with this chapter but i really wanted to get something out so i stopped fussing around and pushed myself to publish it. either way i hope it was worth the wait! :]
i'm excited for the next few sets of chapters. lots of exciting stuff coming up. angst is on its way too but you'll get it when you get it ;] in the meantime the reader gets to enjoy a well-deserved vacation with their kylo 💖
as always lmk what you think! thoughts praise theories whatever i alwaysssss love reading what you have to say. until next time! 💖
Chapter 23
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Your vacation on Elos with Kylo goes by far too quickly. That’s how most vacations feel though, you suppose.
You ate to your heart’s content, enjoying the off-ship cuisine, particularly of the many types of food you couldn’t exactly get on the Supremacy . Kylo treated you to a wonderful breakfast, then lunch by the seaside cliffs with breathtaking views, then dinner in grander restaurants than you’ve ever seen on your home planet. In between, he took you shopping at just about every store available, walking around until you groaned about your feet killing you.
It took some time for you to, well… adjust to being spoiled so much. You kept holding back, stating that you didn’t want anything from each store you visited. With enough of Kylo’s persistence though, you loosened up and bought some clothing here. And chocolates there. And this absolutely adorable bantha plush that maaaaybe you didn’t really need but it was so cute and when else would you get the opportunity, right?
You make a mental note to hide all of your new belongings in a cargo crate when readying to reboard the Supremacy . You weren’t keen on receiving more stares, or even worse… the notion from other First Order employees that you were being spoiled rotten.
You deserved this anyway, dammit!
One compromise does come to mind, though, in particular of what new belongings to show off. Kylo’s new outfit for you.
A hissing noise cuts through the air, signifying the opening of Kylo’s TIE whisper after being properly boarded. Kylo leads, stepping out of the ship and onto the stark-white docking bay. Gone was the brief persona of Ben, only replaced with Kylo Ren’s intimidating attire and emotionless mask. You follow close behind, absentmindedly puffing your chest out as you walk with your arms clasped tight behind your back. You were right in your initial assumption-- these clothes were comfortable.
You fight to bite back a smirk, feeling your cape swish behind you. You could feel eyes on you, but you fought to keep your attention trained on following Kylo. From the whispers you could catch through the force, there was an underlying curiosity from the other employees passing by, underlined with a hint of intimidation.
Kylo Ren’s new apprentice, they’re dressed differently now… I wonder how much of the force they know… I wonder if they’re as strong as Kylo Ren…
You crash back into reality and nearly crash into Kylo Ren, abruptly skidding on your feet so as to not smash your face into his back. You mumble a brief “ Sorry ,” a small tint of red burning your cheeks. He turns around to look at you, mask pointed down at your form. You feel a tickling sensation at the back of your scalp before Kylo’s voice enters.
Don’t let it get to your head.
You nod, biting your lip as more blush from embarrassment threatens to color your cheeks. You bid Kylo goodbye for now, indicating that you’ll keep in touch for training soon before heading to your quarters to drop off your new belongings.
Life returns to normal as you eventually feel the lingering disappointment from leaving your vacation finally fade away. It’s back to training with Kylo, continuing to hone your fighting skills and connection with the force. Today, you’re finishing a brief sparring match.
You wipe the sweat off your brow, chest heaving with exertion. Your muscles feel strained but not overtly so, at least not nearly as much as when you had first started training with Kylo. It goes to show that with enough practice, someone as timid and out of shape as you were can condition themselves into something more. It helps to be put in a regimen you didn’t exactly have options to, though.
Kylo’s saber hilt catches your eye, metallic surface glinting in the harsh fluorescent lighting. There’s that tug again-- the same one you’ve started to feel over the past few weeks.
“Can I see your lightsaber, Master Ren?”
Master Ren . There’s a soft snort, one you only barely catch as Kylo’s attention draws down to his saber hilt clipped to his belt. You’ve taken to the master form of address for Kylo while under training and it’s for a number of different reasons. A sense of healthy separation between master and apprentice, a drawing of healthy boundaries that keeps optics for the rest of the First Order cleaner, but really, if you were being honest…
You just liked to see the change in Kylo’s eyes whenever you said it. Something darker and hungrier flickered behind them, wavering for a moment before he continued his training with you. Most aboard the Supremacy knew of your relationship status by now, anyway.
Kylo tosses his saber towards you, allowing you to catch in one swift movement. The hilt lands heavy in your hand, anodized black with worn edges staring back at you between grooves and wires. To think that, previously, this thing absolutely terrified you as much as the rest of the First Order-- well aware of its lethal capabilities, particularly with its owner. Then it became an object of horror, to second-hand embarrassment-- a lethal object used as a sex toy , once debased with your juices. Then it became a respected weapon, one that increasingly came less foreign and more within reach. Something you could confidently pick up, even ignite. Within the past few weeks, Kylo’s saber has somehow felt heavier in your hands, but more comfortable. Almost natural.
A deep rumble comes from Kylo’s chest-- a contemplative hum. A buzzing sensation spreads across the back of your scalp and suddenly you can hear Kylo’s voice clearly within your mind.
I think it’s time .
A small noise of confusion is all you can muster, brows furrowed as you turn the hilt in your hand. Kylo’s hand wraps around yours, guiding your thumb to the activator. You press and Kylo’s saber ignites, red and loud and angry. It briefly startles you, only detected in the light tremor of your hand before you steady your grip. It was much easier and quicker to steady your grip now.
“You’re ready for your own lightsaber.”
Your own lightsaber?
You entertain the idea in your mind, rotating the blade and admiring the crackling, unstable energy vibrating along the plasma. Even for as far as you have gotten into your training with the force, you never put into reality the idea of you owning your own lightsaber. You weren’t sure if it was even a practice anymore. Then again, the lack of jedi since the fall of the New Republic…
Kylo presses his chest into your back, lips hovering close to your ear. Kylo sounds contemplative, maybe the tiniest bit excited.
“You can feel it now. I can tell.”
You try to steady your breathing, feeling anxious energy rumble beneath your skin, mimicking Kylo’s own unstable lightsaber. You nod, tightening your grip.
“Yes.”
Kylo then suddenly removes his hand from your own and steps away, causing you to deactivate his saber in surprise. He grabs for his belongings, now determined.
“We’ll be heading towards planet Zoph soon. I suggest you prepare quickly and head to my quarters to finalize everything.”
Caught in a new whirlwind of emotions, you decide the only way to temporarily silence them is to move at Kylo’s pace, gather your belongings and prepare for whatever lies ahead in your lightsaber journey.
Despite attempting to focus on the task at hand, some nervous thoughts break through. You scramble through your living quarters, stuffing what Kylo said you’ll need in your travel bag. Eltee beeps in concern, watching you pace around the room. You wave the droid off, brows furrowed.
“Not now, Eltee. I’m fine.” A lightsaber. You’ll have a lightsaber . It was already exciting enough, terrifying enough to handle Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. It’s a deadly weapon with a ton of history, a weapon that needs exceptional skill to wield. Not everybody picks up a lightsaber and becomes a new jedi or sith.
You grumble quietly to yourself, feeling your cheeks burn. Sure, there has been a noticeable change in the force when you’re around Kylo’s lightsaber, but you still feel woefully underprepared. You feel like you’re inadequate, lacking in knowledge. You’ve had much time to research many things about the First Order, and a good amount about the force, but not so much on lightsabers themselves.
You knew that they were a weapon of choice for jedi and sith. Extremely ancient. Greatly enhanced by force sensitivity. Nowadays, they’re exceptionally rare. You had briefly thought that it wasn’t even possible to build a lightsaber anymore, but Kylo seems to be suggesting otherwise.
You finish preparing your belongings, packing light. This didn’t seem to be a multi-day vacation trip like Elos was. After bidding Eltee goodbye, you head straight for Kylo’s room.
You’re met with Kylo’s back turned to you, staring at a hologram of a planet on one of his display tables. He briefly looks back at you before returning his attention to the hologram, expecting you to approach.
“This is Zoph.”
Kylo points at the swirling planet, pinching and pulling to expand the view. It zooms in on a section of the planet, some sort of abandoned-looking shipyard next to what looked like rougher terrain. “We’ll be landing here. It’ll be stable enough terrain to safely land while still being close enough to viable kyber crystal caves.”
Kylo sighs, a deep rumbling noise as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “I would have considered Illum. It was a safer choice… but that is no longer an option.”
You could feel Kylo’s frustration, that increasingly familiar tension in the air. Kylo’s fists would tense, almost slightly trembling with contained anger. He was talking about the failure of Starkiller Base.
Of course, you could understand his upset. It was a fairly devastating blow to the First Order. What terrified you more though was thinking back to your time on Starkiller Base, the thought of what would have happened to you had you not been eventually reassigned. A lot of lives were lost that day.
“We’ll have to be quick. Zoph is not a gentle planet.” Kylo runs a gloved finger through what looked to be craggy mountains. “The terrain will be rough. Your kyber crystal will call out to you, though. You will know which one to choose.”
Your kyber crystal. Hmm.
You keep repeating that in your mind, all the way through the flight to Zoph. Your thoughts only stop when you see the planet from Kylo’s main viewport. He zeroes in on an abandoned shipyard, littered with what looked to be various dilapidated ships.
The air feels ten times thicker on planet Zoph. Almost suffocating. Gravity was heavier than normal, forcing your steps to take more energy than you’d like. You felt like you were freezing, chilled air cutting right through your clothes. The intimidating thunderstorms rolling off in the distance didn’t work to quell your anxiety, either. This is not a lovely planet.
“Come. Let’s keep moving.”
Kylo wanted to waste no time in reaching the kyber crystal caves. The thunderstorms were getting closer, and minus the few dilapidated structures still holding enough weight in their skeleton to provide some form of shelter, it would not be very safe. You kept telling yourself this as you trudge through the ragged mountains, slipping every so often and gathering scrapes and bruises. No wonder nobody builds their own lightsaber anymore. This is awful.
Kylo’s shoulders tremble, then readjust as a distorted, huffed noise comes from his modulator. He’s laughing.
Eventually the two of you reach a peak. Within a short distance, you spot the entrance to a cave. Something around you seems to shift, only further warning you that this must be it. Kylo nods, keeping the two of you going forwards to meet the mouth of the cave. Kylo lets you lead ahead, choosing to trail behind.
You look around in awe at the crystalline structures. It reminded you a bit of a dream-- that one dream you had right after your force capabilities awakened. The hollow wind still whistled through the cave, bouncing off the gentle hum that seemed to be coming from the crystals. You were also still cold, but not as scared as you were before. Nervous, maybe, but not scared.
Kylo followed you through the caves at a fair distance. Close enough to feel his presence, to know he was still around, but far away enough that it was mostly you on your own navigating the caves. Through the even background humming, your senses pick up on something more, a higher resonating sound. You follow that sound.
It takes you pretty far into the structure. Your legs feel like they’re moving on their own accord. All you’re focused on is finding that noise. It was audibly higher-pitched, that you could hear, but you could feel through the force a different sense of vibration. Like a beckoning call.
Eventually you come to a stop, right in front of a clustered set of crystals, deep set into the inky black cave wall. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, but you could feel the strongest pull yet. A particular crystal was practically screaming out to you now, you could see it clear as day. You reach out to the crystal, fingers firmly wrapping around it. Then you pull.
You almost let go when a searing pain rips through your mind like a nail was wedged through your skull. You just barely hear your own choked gasp before everything rapidly fades to black. Before you start to lose full consciousness, you grip your hand tighter around the crystal, as tight as you could possibly muster.
Visions come to you in a set of painful, fast-moving sets of moments. Feelings. You hear the sound of groaning, screeching metal, what looked to be wall panels in a room threatening to crumple in on themselves. Then you see a pair of glassy eyes staring directly at you. You couldn’t see anything else, but they looked exactly like your mother’s. Then a third vision, one that didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the previous two. You were laughing alongside a group of people, though you couldn’t tell who. The light breeze felt nice, contrasted against warm sunlight on your skin.
It felt like a tether was being pulled taut further and further, straining and stretching, until--
Crack!
You gasp, breath rattling in your chest as you feel the side of your body make contact with the ground. Blunt, dull pain blooms through it for a moment before your main focus of pain returns to your head. As your vision clears though, the pain disappears. You blink a few times, looking down to see a kyber crystal nestled comfortably in your palm.
A step near you catches your attention and you turn around. You’re met with Kylo’s form towering over you. He looked to be in almost a meditative state; right now you were sensing none of the usual sedated anger that regularly seemed from his presence. He then gets down on one knee, fumbling for something in his belt loop. He brings the object out and presents it to you in two open palms.
It was a lightsaber hilt.
You look over the construction of it, eyes tracing over the metallic grooves. Kylo’s voice almost startles you, the deep cadence almost rumbling within the crystalline structures.
“I had it made for you. Our best sith alchemists aboard the Supremacy assisted in assembling the hilt. It’s ready for you.”
You swallow thickly, nodding before reaching out and taking the hilt. It felt comfortable in your hand, easy to wield. Natural to use. Kylo turns his back to you, seemingly wanting to give you your own private moment to officially construct your lightsaber.
Your eyes zero in on the small compartment left for your crystal. You slide the kyber crystal you had plucked and close the compartment. Everything fit perfectly. Now all that was left was to ignite it for the very first time. With the kyber crystal in now, you felt that same pull you did from Kylo’s lightsaber. Though now it was specifically tailored to you .
The sound of your lightsaber tears through the air, plasma blade immediately igniting and extending in front of you. It was a rich violet hue, humming loudly with tremendous energy. It wasn’t as unstable as Kylo’s lightsaber, but it certainly crackled and vibrated, more aggressive than most jedi-grade lightsabers.
It’s while you’re admiring your new lightsaber that you sense it. With your newfound reflexes and better sensing of the force, you swing around and raise your blade up to block. Kylo’s own lightsaber smashes against yours, plasma colliding in a searing sound that echoes through the caves.
Kylo stares at you intensely, reflections of red and violet rippling across his eyes. You stare back. The smallest hint of a smirk dances across his lips.
The two of you continue to spar, now this time feeling much different than all the others. This wasn’t with wooden staves, no-- this was all very real. Each impact felt extra weighted, energetic, dangerous. The two of you stop when he manages to back you up to an opening in the walls, a cliff edge leading to a slew of ragged terrain far below. You gasp, feeling you footing start to slip. Kylo reaches out, arm wrapped around your midsection and anchoring you in place. Your lack of concentration causes your thumb to slip from your hilt, deactivating it. Kylo catches the two sabers in his other palm.
In between labored breaths, you smile. “I-- I could get used to this.”
Kylo smirks, giving a small huff. He pulls you back onto more even footing, still holding your hand.
“Come. We need to head back soon.”
Notes:
OH MY GOD ITS ALMOST BEEN A YEAR..... im so sorry!!!!! 🙇 i've been reading all your lovely comments and feeling so bad that it's been so long 😭 i promise i didn't abandon this! i have waaaaay too much written far ahead to properly abandon this fic. i have chapters 23-39 written, just 5 of them are unfinished and are kinda sprinkled in-between so i need to finish them before posting the rest ughhhh. my inspiration unfortunately took a nosedive and i hit maaaassive writer's block with this, especially with this chapter 😔 it's still not as impactful as i would have liked, but you know what i can always go back and revise/edit once the entire fic is more complete. good news is i have the following two chapters already complete, so i'll post those in the next few days. maybe one every 2-3 days? idk.
my personal life is always changing, ngl that also affected my time and energy to continue writing this fic. good news is i got a better promotion so i'm happier at work now <3 but also i've fallen into a massive pitfall with playing the sims omg. i actually have a few fics written relating to my personal ocs in the sims, maybe i'll post them someday...
anyways, once again i'm sorry for the long wait! 3 i hope the next few chapters will help make up for it! please enjoy and ofc lmk what you think 💖
Chapter 24
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Training with Kylo now has been more exciting. Ever since you got your own lightsaber, Kylo has been incorporating it into your routine with him. He held enough trust with you to practice basic combat with your lightsaber. It was a welcome change.
This continues into your training today. Kylo sends a small reminder to bring your saber as you enter his room, ready for combat. You take a small swig from your water bottle, ready to continue your practice with him.
Fighting with lightsabers was much, much different than training staffs. There was that added element of danger, sure, but there’s an extra essence vibrating heavily through the force with it. It thrums in tune with the clashing of your sabers, plasma screaming against another. It invigorated you.
Something seems off for today, though. You could sense it. Kylo would never admit it-- in fact, he would actively prove against it, but your master was not all here today. It was apparent in the slight tilt in his steps, the small hesitation before he slams his lightsaber back against yours, teeth gritted like stones against one another. It’s not until you graze yourself against his mind that you find out why.
It rings out, almost clear as day to you. A moan.
Your moan.
The dots connect themselves at this point, increasingly obvious to you. A lingering gaze flicked across your thighs, masked ravenous hunger. A growing desire, a need. Pent up energy, lust in its more pure form. Though masked by a need to keep professional. This gets furthered by digging in deeper, finding flitting thoughts of previous encounters with the commander. Down on your knees, begging for his cock. Pounded relentlessly into, left to his mercy. It’s so easy.
You retaliate in the best way you know how, fire-for-fire. As you briefly lock Kylo Ren in a stance, arm wrapped around his, you let your mind run free, amplified. Your imagined self, a version of you from the past, whines and squirms against the flesh of Kylo Ren, cunt clenching hard around his cock. Kylo falters for a moment, the start of a caught breath edging on his plush lips as he staggers half a step backwards.
You crash your saber roughly against his, smirk crawling across your face. His defense was delayed, unusual of his typical maneuvers. He was absolutely distracted.
“Rather unprofessional thoughts of your apprentice.”
Your aim to press on his buttons succeeds. Kylo pushes you off of him, grunting in frustration. The slightest hint of pink betrays him, sinking into his cheeks.
“Start acting like a proper apprentice then.”
You aim for an attack, swinging hard against him. Kylo blocks you but you take the opportunity to wrap your thigh around him, sex dangerously close to his own.
“And if I don’t?”
You let go and back away but Kylo advances quickly, nearly boxing you in with his massive form.
“You’ll need punishment.”
Kylo catches the underside of your wrist and flicks upward, knocking the lightsaber hilt out of your hand. It gets tossed across the room, skidding against the ground far away from your grasp. Left defenseless. Predator and prey.
Kylo stalks forward and you shrink back, left crouched. Attempting to prepare yourself for retaliation.
"I'm starting to think you like fighting back." You feel Kylo's manipulation of the force, pushing you closer to him. "You like to cause a scene."
Your heartbeat picks up, a quick thrumming in your heart. A hummingbird's heartbeat. It only further spurs Kylo on. He backs you against the wall, leaving you with no escape. A gloved finger grazes your chin, tilting it up before caressing your cheek.
“You like a little danger. No wonder you approached me that night, begging for me to stop, even with the possibility of me killing you.”
You swallow down a whimper, trying to hold your gaze with Kylo. It was intense, far too intense. Those dark brown eyes were boring holes into you and you wanted to look away and catch a breath but can’t. Heat shoots down to your core as you remember that one night, something that now felt so long ago. Kylo had been torturing you for weeks, leaving you a total mess. You wonder what would have happened if you had never approached him about it. You certainly can’t say you regret it.
“On your knees.”
You comply, feeling further heat pool between your legs. You’re met with the result of your teasing, Kylo’s tented trousers nearly poking against the side of your face. Licking your lips for moisture, you thread your fingers through his belt loops and tug down, letting his erection spring free. Aching and weeping, practically begging for your touch. To have such an effect on him continues to flatter you.
A chaste kiss pressed against the head causes Kylo to hiss out, carding his gloved fingers through your hair. A small but rough tug indicates that he’s not up for teasing foreplay-- he’s getting impatient .
You hum, deciding to satisfy his cravings lest you risk an actual punishment. Encompassing his length, you use your hands for support as you start at a fast and noisy pace. You’re rewarded with a satisfying groan rumbling deep from Kylo’s chest. Resisting the urge to gag from feeling the head of his cock jamming into the back of your throat, you breathe through your nose, feeling spit gather and dribble down your chin.
It doesn’t take long before Kylo’s making that sort of heavy breathing, something on the precipice of a whine as he starts getting close. You could feel his balls drawing tighter, further signifying his incoming climax. Before he could cum deep down your throat, Kylo roughly pushes you off of him, instead opting to pin you down against the training mat. His cock rests against your clothed cunt, warmth radiating through the fabric.
Kylo takes hold of your pants and shoves them down, only pausing when he spots a familiar sight. You had decided to wear that pair of lacy panties from your lingerie set you had bought for him.
“...You’re wearing…”
You grin, wrapping your thighs around Kylo to pull him closer. “Who’s to say I haven’t been wearing them regularly since you saw them?”
There’s a dark chuckle from Kylo, one accompanied by him shaking his head. His pupils were blown impossibly wide, dark with lust. “I was right. You… you are dangerous.”
He rips down your panties, pressing the head of his cock against your aching cunt. “A very dangerous distraction.”
He thrusts in, earning a strangled groan from you. Without further warning Kylo fully pins you against the ground, rutting into you like an animal. At this point impatient was a kind word-- Kylo was downright ravenous, craving your body wrapped tight around his own. All you can do at this point is hold tight, sweat mixing with his as you’re pounded into.
Kylo reaches up to let a hand comb through your hair, letting his other hand give well-needed attention to your throbbing clit. His face nestles against your neck, biting and sucking hard enough to likely give you hickies for the next day.
You feel your climax approaching, stars beginning to swim behind your eyes. The force vibrates stronger around you, in-tune with your body. After a sudden bite from Kylo, teeth sinking enough into the skin on your collarbone to make a mark, you cum hard and see stars. Soon after you feel Kylo’s body still against you with a groan, warmth blooming inside as he cums deep inside you.
The two of you collapse on each other, heavy breathing filling the now much warmer air in the room. Kylo lets out a half-chuckle and you hum in response, humored by his next suggestion.
“...Hah… we can continue training… tomorrow.”
You won’t argue with that.
Notes:
hello hello again! something spicier today 😏 loved writing this one ngl. reader can be such a tease.
hoping this will be enough of an early apology for the next few chapters... a lot is going to change for our dear reader 👀💧all i can stay is just stay tuned hehe
as always lmk any thoughts, what you loved, etc etc. see you next time <3
Chapter 25
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
You’ve been called into an important meeting today. Kylo was called in as well. Something about the First Order’s next target to combat Resistance influence.
Eltee speeds alongside your steps, heading in the direction of a particularly large conference room. This was a larger than usual briefing, likely from the nature of its subject being the next big operation for the organization and its army.
Upon entering the room, you take an empty seat, looking out at the various top-level executives. You still felt a bit like the odd one out, but nevertheless fought to push those feelings down and focus on the meeting at hand. A few minutes later you feel Kylo’s presence before he enters. Cape briefly billowing behind him, Kylo quickly takes a seat across from you, a few seats over.
General Hux takes a quick inventory of everyone in the room, standing towards the middle of the massive conference table. Once seemingly everyone has been accounted for, he begins.
Various holograms to supplement his talking points flash in the middle of the desk. Though you weren’t exactly tasked for minutes this time, you take a few of your own notes as General Hux details the situation. Resistance influence was becoming dangerous.
“This planet might serve as an excellent chokepoint for the Resistance, should the time come. Locals have been unresponsive to our attempts at establishing full loyalty to the First Order. And given recent intel regarding increased Resistance presence, we have no other choice but to launch a frontal assault.” General Hux stamps his thumb against the table, squishing it against the material before wiping it against his uniform. “Best to squash out the Resistance presence before it takes roots.”
The general flicks through a few holograms, settling on an aerial view of the planet in question. A tropical one, strikingly familiar.
“We have full support from Supreme Leader Snoke to launch an assault on planet Scaidu within the next few days.”
Wh-
What.
Your heartbeat slams against your throat, constricting. The First Order has plans to raid planet Scaidu.
Your home planet.
Your mother.
You must have looked white as a sheet. General Hux’s gaze briefly passes by you, a slight quirk in his eyebrow at your condition. He continues however, explaining more of the plans of assault. The noise falls away in your ears, turning to static. You look over at Kylo, whose mask is turned to look straight back at you.
You try to focus on breathing, not wanting to actively freak out in front of everyone else in the room. You intensely focus on your datapad, though the name of your home planet repeats over and over in your head. The static turns heavier, the force turning into a more dangerous, live wire running through you and the rest of the room. A panel off the wall creaks, briefly catching the attention of multiple people in the room.
The meeting adjourns and you try not to fly out of the room. Eltee beeps in concern, following you close behind. You wave him off, eyes still wide.
“Not now. You can head back to my quarters.”
Without any objection, Eltee beeps in affirmation and wheels off. You walk in the direction of Kylo, who briefly looks back at you before continuing.
“I’m coming with you.”
Kylo briefly looks back again. No objection from him.
You follow Kylo all the way back to his quarters, waiting until the doors close to let out the shaky breath you’ve been holding in. Tears immediately begin to prick at your eyes.
“I need to save her.”
Kylo stops walking, abruptly turns around. His mask is angled to look down at you.
“Your parents.”
“...Yes.”
Kylo shakes his head. His fists tighten.
“Some things are best left in the past.”
A bolt of anger rushes through you. You feel your cheeks become wet with your tears. “Please! You don’t understand!”
“I don’t understand?”
The tone was angry, accusatory. You could hear it even through the voice modulation. Hiccups escape you and you head over to his couch, facing away from kylo. A sharp intake of breath comes from you as you pull your knees towards your chest. Kylo continues.
“I absolutely understand. I know how you are feeling. I am speaking from experience. You need to let the past die.”
You couldn’t muster up an angry rebuttal. Your head was swimming. Just quiet tears from you.
After a few beats of silence, Kylo speaks again.
“I know you’ve been lying. About your family.”
You tense up, spine rigid. More silence.
“Your father. He was never in the picture. It’s just been you and your mother.”
You lightly shift in place, keeping quiet. You rub a tear away from your stained cheeks.
“You haven’t spoken to her since you joined the First Order. She was angry with you.”
You close your eyes, biting the inside of your lip. Memories of your mother’s face, how disappointed she was. You wanted freedom, but you also wanted to make her happy.
“That’s why your first paycheck in credits sits on your nightstand. She rejected it.”
More silence.
“Is that true?”
“...Yes.”
A few moments before you speak again, your voice smaller.
“I need her. Please.”
A shift of fabric from behind you. You feel Kylo’s hand on your shoulder.
“There are reasons why we let the past die. You might not like the outcome otherwise.”
You sigh, wiping off more of your tears.
“I don’t care. I need her. I need her safe. That’s all that matters.”
A distorted noise comes from Kylo’s helmet, almost like a butchered sigh.
“...I will attempt to arrange a private shuttle to arrive before the assault. If you know exactly where your mother is, we can take her back to the Supremacy. That’s the most I can guarantee right now.”
You feel an ounce of weight be lifted from your shoulders-- a temporary bit of hope. Your eyes are trained on Kylo, but he refuses to look at you. You reach out into his mind.
Thank you.
Kylo begins walking towards the room with his grandfather’s helmet, body rigid. It’s a quiet request for you to leave his quarters.
“We’ll speak more on the plan tomorrow.”
You nod, leaving Kylo’s quarters without another word. Once the doors slide shut behind you, anxiety comes washing back like a tidal wave. Assault timeline said two days.
You have two days to prepare.
Notes:
hiii welcome back! i've been busy again, preparing for possible career change. oh and i got married :) husband and i are finishing up our honeymoon at home rn. no he's not jealous of me writing about kylo, hehe 🤭
i have a few more chapters written ahead of this that i'll try to post over the next week or so! after that, can't really promise when the next update will be, cause life happens... also i'm still very much into the sims right now, so that's kind of occupying all of my creative bandwidth. i have an entire playthrough detailed out and my sims at this point have become more of my own ocs. i may or may not one day post the fics i've been writing of them. not sure how much the particular readers of this fic would enjoy them, and it's not very sci-fi, but drama....? ohhh yes, lol. ANYWAY
this oneeeee is a teeny bit of a bombshell! poor reader 😔 everytime things seem to be going well, something terrible seems to happen... plus the next few chapters are pretty drama-filled. we'll see how reader and Kylo handle this upcoming raid on Scaidu...i'll see you all next time, hopefully soon! as always, please lmk what you think! 💖