Chapter Text
No new messages from Kylo Ren.
It’s been weeks now and you’ve been trying your best to pretend as if that whole… relationship? Affair? Encounter(s)? with Commander Ren had never happened. Your duty as a scribe for the meetings you were assigned to had not changed. It’s a relief to you that you were not demoted due to your last encounter with the commander, though you weren’t sure whether that was to save your own dignity, or his own... or maybe he really did think you were doing a good job being a scribe. Best not to dwell on it too much.
For the past few weeks, Commander Ren has not been on board. Something about some sort of secret mission, the kinds that even you, a higher-level scribe with more security clearance, still don’t know about. Honestly, after the last encounter with him, you didn’t mind him being off-board. If anything, it brought more relief and allowed you to relax your shoulders a bit during meetings. You have a feeling the rest of the board members feel the same.
Still, you could not shake that annoying, nagging feeling that one gets when a relationship goes sour. That feeling of loneliness. Even though Kylo Ren was never really “kind” to you, you do miss the sex. You miss the attention from him. You also miss the small moments, glimpses of some sort of humanity from him after he’d make you scream his name. Stupid feelings.
You feel like you’re getting to some semblance of normalcy when you’re alerted that Kylo Ren has returned aboard the Supremacy. The air seems to tense up again as everyone on board seems to feel that familiar fear and pressure whenever the man is around. Though you have an added extra twinge of uncomfortableness.
You’re assigned to the post-mission briefing scheduled after Kylo Ren’s return. During the meeting, most information tends to go over your head, all closely guarded in coded language that made little sense to you, but was nonetheless crucial to document. As you skillfully type away on your datapad, you sneak occasional glances at the commander. He seemed… frustrated. Or pent up, maybe. You couldn’t really tell if the mission had went well or not. His emotion, as well as the emotion of the meeting in general, seemed pretty shrouded. You noticed that while the other leaders of this ship were dragging on about their own updates, opinions, and so on, Kylo Ren stood impatiently at his post, fists balled at his sides. There almost seemed to be a wavering pressure in the air that fluctuated with what you could only assume was the angry breathing behind his helmet. At first you thought you were being subtle, sneaking the occasional glance at Kylo Ren, but you’re quickly caught as the commander seems to turn his head to face you. Your cheeks flash red and you quickly avert your gaze, hoping that no one else had noticed. With each occasional glance back at Commander Ren, you see that he has not seemed to take his gaze off of you… it’s something that quickly made your task of writing much more difficult to focus on.
Once the meeting finally adjourns, everyone shuffles out of the room, one by one. You’re about to walk by when Kylo Ren puts a hand out, grazing your midsection and stopping you in your tracks.
“You’re requested at my quarters. Head there immediately.”
Before you can even give the man an answer, he moves his hand away and walks in front of you, long powerful strides quickly clearing the hallway as he leaves the room. You stand there for a few moments, dumbfounded before you collect yourself and head for the commander’s headquarters.
You chastise yourself as you walk to Kylo Ren’s quarters, clearing each winding hall and walkway. Really? Are you going to let yourself be toyed around with, again? You feel your sense of dignity drop, a flash of shame running through your veins as you contemplate your choices. Then again, this was the commander of the First Order you were talking about… did you really have a choice, anyway? What if you rejected Commander Ren’s advances from the start? Would he have backed off, leaving you be and keeping your relationship strictly professional? Or would he become enraged by your rejection and outright kill you? More importantly though, do you even want him to really leave you alone?
You find yourself longing for his touch again. The fleeting moments of humanity behind his actions were enthralling in some sort of way you couldn’t properly explain. It was if he wanted to show more, but couldn’t. Maybe not just yet.
You reach the commander’s quarters and enter. You’re greeted with the same interior, except this time the commander is no longer hiding in the shadows. He’s right there in the room, standing and facing you as you enter through the doorway.
You stand there facing him, emotions and stance a bit reserved. You’ll admit, you still feel hurt from your last encounter with him. You stand with your hands behind your back, lips slightly pursed, waiting for a reaction from him.
A pregnant pause ensues, followed by a break in the silence by the commander.
“Do you want to be here?”
It’s an unexpected question; your stoic facade is immediately broken through. His voice sounded tired, strained; there was some sort of mixture of emotion behind his words that you could hear through his voice modulator. A small lump forms in your throat and you open and close your mouth multiple times, trying to form a response. You flex your fingers gripped around your arms, nerves spiking as you respond in a small voice.
“Do you want me to be here?”
He takes a step closer, heavy breath rumbling through his voice modulator. The hairs on your arms and back of your neck stand up and heat beings to pool in your stomach. Everything about Commander Ren’s imposing force seemed to set your body alight.
He takes a hand and places it on your forearm, allowing it to slowly trail down to your midsection. His touch seemed cautious, careful… almost as if you were some animal he was trying not to frighten. You instinctively lean into his touch. He lets go, though it almost seems reluctant as he walks silently over to his bed. “Come.”
You follow suit, coming to the edge of the large black mattress. He motions for you to sit, so you gingerly sit down on the soft velvet fabric, nervously fiddling with your fingers as you look up at his towering figure. Commander Ren stands there, mask tilted down to look at you. He makes a motion to come towards you, but you stutter out, “W-wait!”
Commander Ren immediately stops, mask directly facing you. The air is suddenly deathly still again and you feel a jolt of fear rush down your spine.
“I… can we talk about things a bit… f-first.”
You stumble over your words, worried that you had upset him further. The last few times you had sexual encounters with him, you were so wrapped up in your own lust and desire that questions came as an afterthought. This time, you wanted answers. Or at the very least a little clarification.
You see Commander Ren lightly waver in place, almost seeming to contemplate a decision before he straightens himself up again. He grabs a nearby chair and places it facing you before sitting down. His stance still seems guarded, but you make the assumption that by sitting down, he’s giving you a listening ear. His voice comes garbled through his mask.
“Speak.”
You swallow nervously, taking a moment to gather your thoughts. If you knew that you’d be in this situation, you would have been practicing what to say for days. You didn’t even know if he’d acknowledge you again as a person after your last encounter.
You take a deep breath, forcing eye contact with his mask.
“Look, I’m… I’m sorry if I made you upset last time we spoke. I just, I didn’t know what… what this-”
You make a motion to him and yourself. “-this is. As much as these visits have been, um, satisfying,” You feel the tips of your ears burn with embarrassment.
“...I’m a little confused as to why you’re doing this in the first place. Or why you promoted me.”
He starts a response. “Your work ethic-”
“You know it wasn’t solely because of my work ethic,” you interrupt.
“I mean, d-don’t get me wrong, I put my work in for the First Order and would never fail my duty, but I see others that have been working harder than me for way longer and have not gotten the same recognition. I-I mean, is it really fair for me, to get this promotion, for, y’know… being your… plaything?”
He stiffens up at your last retort, back straight against the chair. You see his gloved fingers flex against his sides, from anger or unease you could not tell. You continue onwards.
“Look, I don’t know what you are going through. I’m sure I could never really understand. And I’m sure there’s so much that you cannot tell me, ever.” You huff a breath through your nose, hoping that you were coming off as sincere as you were trying to be to him.
“But if you need someone to listen to you, or someone to confide in, I’m here. I’m great at that. It’s… it’s quite literally my job.” You finally pause, letting your words sink into the commander. You tense up yourself, awaiting a response that hopefully wasn’t chopping your head off or choking you to death. You haven’t even realized until now that you fully interrupted the commander and questioned his choice in promoting you.
A long, long pause. If it went any longer, you would’ve wondered if you would be allowed to leave, or if you had to wait for him to decide a proper punishment for your speaking out against him. After all, despite everything he’s done with you, he’s still the commander of the First Order, ranks and ranks above you and everyone else in the ship. A superior in every sense of the word.
Commander Ren slowly reaches up for the release on his helmet, the familiar noise of a click followed by a hissing noise emanating throughout the silent room. You expected to be thrown back by the force, or in some way forced to obscure his face, but to your surprise nothing happens. You watch in nervous anticipation as Commander Ren takes his helmet fully off in front of you.
The metal thing falls on the ground with a heavy thunk. What’s left in front of you leaves you with little breath in your lungs.
You’ve seen bits and pieces of the commander’s face, glimpses of his plush lips and finely shaped nose, but nothing else. Now you were staring at the face of a man, considerably young, features finely sculpted. His thick, black hair framed his face in wavy curls. Freckles littered his face like little stars, mimicking the glittering ones that sat right outside the viewport. A large scar dashed across his face, digging through his eyebrow and down his cheek. His eyes were a deep, soft brown, pupils blown impossibly wide as he stared back at you. They also looked very, very tired.
You let out a soft gasp, involuntary, not really expecting… that. It’s not that you never imagined Commander Ren to be attractive under the mask, but to also be so young… and to look so exhausted. Like the weight of the entire galaxy hung on his shoulders. What deep sorrow, anger, mixes of raw emotions laid behind his eyes was so easily obscured by the terror of his mask.
His voice comes out impossibly smooth, no longer distorted by the voice modulator. You didn’t expect it to still be so deep.
“You’d never understand.”
He still was throwing up a bit of a stone wall, but you could see that it was crumbling by the minute. It was much easier to read his emotions without the mask. His eyes seemed to tell you everything, even if he didn’t mean to.
You stand up, taking a few tentative steps towards the commander. His face and eyes shift to look up at you. You speak in a small voice.
“Maybe I won’t. But I can be here for you.”
Your mouth goes dry as you fixate on his lips. Your body tugs, tugs at you to get closer. Heat pools deep in your stomach as you take the risk to gently place your hands on the sides of his face. Your voice gets even smaller, quieter.
“Can I kiss you?”
You don’t even get to react as the commander responds physically, grasping your sides as he leans up to connect your lips. It’s a sudden, crashing kiss, but one that melts into something more passionate and needy. A heady moan escapes your throat and this spurs him on further, standing up to tower over you while he peppers your throat with kisses.
You feel like you’re being thrown in a headspin. You barely notice yourself colliding with the mattress as he backs you up, making you lay down flat. He kisses along your jawline, collarbone, sucking and biting in places that made you whine and squirm. Sure, getting fingered by the commander was an exciting, quite insane encounter that made your body beg for more, but this was on a whole other level. You throw your head back and let out another throaty groan as his fingers find their way to your cunt again. Commander Ren’s fingers slip beneath your waistband and rub circles around your clit while he focuses his mouth down towards your shirt, unbuttoning your uniform.
Your top slips off with ease and he takes the moment to fiddle with your bra before your top half is now exposed to him. What tiny ounce of embarrassment you had from him seeing you melts away as he takes one of your breasts in his mouth, tongue lapping against the sensitive bud. Your back arches against the mattress, moans tumbling out of your mouth in a sort of rhythm. You let out small bouts of “Yes…” between your moans, eager to let the commander know of your approval. He responds by letting you know of his approval, a very noticeable bulge pressing against your inner thigh. Your hips involuntarily buck against him, causing Commander Ren to hiss out.
“Please…” you mumble out, body squirming underneath his. In-between toying with your clit and sucking on your breasts, Commander Ren has taken the time to shed parts of his own clothing, cloaks and heavy outerwear shedded for his more bare, black underclothes underneath. Leaving very little barriers between your skin and his, and very little to the imagination.
You try bucking up against him again, but he stops you, strong arms holding you down as if you were nothing but a feather. You feel your cheeks flush red at the reminder of his sheer strength, outside of his usual force capabilities.
Commander Ren is panting, face visibly flushed as he pulls back enough to look at you in the eyes. His pupils were blown wide, lust darkening them as he stared back at you. What a gorgeous sight for you and you alone to behold.
He hesitates for a moment, preparing to push the rest of your underwear down. “Are you sure?” he asks, stare intense. You nod, trying to steady your own breathing.
“I need you inside me, Commander Ren.”
This seems to set off an extra switch inside him, because he lets out a sort of growl, returning his lips to your neck as he shoves your pants down. His attacks become more aggressive, bites and hickeys that were sure to leave a mark. He pushes down the waistband of his pants, then his own underwear, finally freeing his length to rest readily at your thigh.
You sneak a peek downwards, breath hitched as you catch a glance of his throbbing cock. You could seem to get that Commander Ren was getting turned on when he teased you and fingered you in those previous encounters, but you were never exactly sure. Knowing that you yourself were having this effect on him was flattering…and extremely arousing.
He slides his length along your slick folds a few times, gathering enough wetness to hopefully not stretch you out too painfully. You’d reach down to give his member a few strokes if his body weight wasn’t pinning you down. Not that you were exactly complaining about that.
It starts as a gentle prod, then further, before Commander Ren finally thrusts into you. You cry out, not used to the sensation of him stretching you out wide. Thankfully, he takes a moment for you to adjust, eyes trained on your expression, looking for permission to move forward.
Once your face morphs from pain to pleasure as the stinging subsides, Commander Ren thrusts again, this time a little deeper. Not much long after, he sets a pace that has moans spilling out of you and into the open, heady air around you. Sounds of his thighs hitting yours filled the empty nose in-between, a noise that would make you quite flustered if you weren’t already caught up in your own lust.
His facial expressions were beautiful, almost enough to make you want to beg for him to never put his mask on again. Commander Ren kept his gaze on you, gauging any bit of uncomfortableness. It was whiplash to see such a reaction of care, especially in a vulnerable moment like this, from Commander Kylo Ren, the most feared man in the galaxy. You’re sure to get a little confident power trip within your own private thoughts after this.
It didn’t take much longer for that familiar coil in your lower abdomen to wind up, ready for your orgasm to snap at any moment. Your moans become higher pitched, more drawn out. You grasp one of Commander Ren’s arms, nails digging into his skin as you desperately hold back your climax.
“Commander Ren.. I-I’m almost…”
This seems to spur him on, causing the commander to pound into you faster, skillful fingers fixated on your throbbing clit. He seems to be nearing his peak as well, his hips snapping into you with more irregular beats. His voice sounds even better outside of his mask, ragged and raw.
“Cum for me.”
You scream out, reaching your peak with a blinding white behind your eyes. Your climax brings his own as Commander Ren spills himself into you, the last few thrusts he gives just barely keeping everything inside.
You come down from your orgasmic high, breathing slowly returning to a more normal pace as you stare up at the dark ceiling above you.
You just had sex with Commander Kylo Ren, leader of the First Order, and it was fucking amazing.
Commander Ren looks back at you, breath heavy as his eyes stare deep into you. Small beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, skin littered with red. His lips were slightly parted, swollen from him kissing you all over. He looked beautiful.
You feel your heart twinge. Oh. Oh no.
Oh stars, please don’t fall in love with the commander. Please don’t fall in love with Kylo Ren.
Commander Ren seems to return from his own climax as well, breathing slowing as he slowly pulls himself out of you. The feeling of his warmth leaving you, followed by his own cum leaking out of you elicits one last moan from your worn throat.
You both take a few moments to regain clarity before wordlessly cleaning each other up. Commander Ren leaves for a brief moment to grab a towel, helping you clean up before motioning you to his shower.
You take the time to wash yourself clean before returning to the main room, wrapped in one of Kylo’s bath towels. Notably much thicker and plusher than the towels you were supplied with. You see that Kylo Ren is sitting back in the chair-- and he’s staring back at you. Some sort of complicated emotions swirled beneath those brown eyes. It sent a shiver down your spine.
You take a seat back at the edge of Commander Ren’s bed. Your hands find their way fiddling with the velvet sheets again. That uncomfortable stillness in the air rests in front of the two of you once more. Commander Ren breaks the silence again.
“Tell me more about who you are.”
You blink, dumbfounded. Who you were? The commander of the strongest army in the entire galaxy wanted to know more about you?
I mean, sure, when you’re dating somebody, you want to get to know them better, but… you’re not dating Commander Ren. This is.. Something different. Yes. Different.
You internally shrug to yourself. You don’t feel like your life is very interesting, but if the commander wants to know, you’ll give him what he wants. A little pillow talk never hurt anybody.
You start off by mentioning your beginnings.
“I was recruited off a nearby planet by the name of Scaidu at a young age. Freshly eighteen. I was chosen for scribework based on my existing skill set. Never been close with my parents. They respected the First Order, I knew that much, so they were proud but didn’t really have any intentions of keeping close contact with me after I was sent off to start my new life. I still occasionally write them letters of how I’m doing.”
You silently take note of the commander becoming visibly uncomfortable at the mention of your parents. He seems to shift ever-so-lightly in his seat, his facial expression just a bit more hardened.
“I spent the next few years doing the same thing, just in different variations. Taking notes of various meetings throughout the ship. There’s, uh, a lot of different meetings that happen throughout the day. Why are you letting me tell you this if you can read my mind?”
Commander Ren huffs a puff of breath through his nose and the slightest smirk appears on his face. He slightly shifts position to a more comfortable one, twisting the chair around so that he could rest his arms along the top. He was listening intently to you.
“Sometimes it’s more fun to see how you can recall things yourself.”
You feel your heart clench, still entranced by his deep voice and honey-brown eyes. He was toying with you, but not in the way he had before. You nervously smile back and clear your throat.
“I dated a few different people back on my planet. Never got into serious relationships with any of them, though. Closest one I got to was nothing more than a kiss.”
Kylo Ren takes in your outspoken thoughts, nodding lightly before he stiffens up.
“I was your first?”
Your eyes widen at the notion. You hadn’t really given it thought, but it was true. You stare back at the commander, giving a small nod. “Yeah. I… I guess you were.”
You couldn’t tell what he was feeling at the moment, even with the mask off. Pride? Regret? Confusion?
It didn’t seem to matter because Commander Ren stands up, heading to a set of drawers to seemingly fish out a pair of sleep clothes. You start worrying that you have upset him before he tells you to continue.
You tell him of more small details of your life, the trinkets you held in your personal quarters, favorite meals at the cafeteria. Before you know it, the commander is dressed down, seemingly ready for sleep. He lays down on the other side of his bed, facing you.
You stare back, now quieted by the implication of the night being over. Kylo Ren stares at you, lip briefly quivering for a moment before he speaks in a softer voice than you’ve been hearing.
“I think it’s best that you get back to your quarters.”
His voice sounds reluctant, as if he wanted you to stay. But not tonight.
You slowly nod, eyes wide. Your voice comes out small, barely above a whisper.
“Okay.”
You take the time to redress, finishing by standing back at the foot of the bed, back in your normal uniform. You open your mouth, but pause, unsure of what to say. You felt like you had to say something, something before leaving. You finally decide.
“...Thank you for sharing yourself with me, Commander Ren. Have a good night.”
With that, you quietly exit Commander Kylo Ren’s quarters, silent footsteps taking you back to your own bedroom.