Chapter Text
“Why are you looking at me like that,” you fire at Seob as you start tidying your desk area, hurrying to leave the weekly magazine meeting.
Your younger counterpart did not move to pack up his stuff though. He stared blatantly at you with squinted eyes, his red pen still hovering over some poor sophomore’s marked up poem. “Like what?”
With a firm zip of your bag, you replied, “Like that. Squinting your eyes at me. Like you’re onto me.”
“And what exactly would I be onto?”
“Nothing!” The squeak of your voice betrayed your lie, but you still tried to carry on. “I haven’t done anything!” You cleared your throat in hopes to get rid of the pitchiness you kept hearing.
Your friend pointed his red pen at you, ink side facing you. “That’s exactly what someone who has done something sounds like. You sound like a rat.”
With an overdramatic hand to your chest as if you were clutching your pearls, you exclaimed, “A rat?! I’m not a rat. And get that pen out of my face. You need to respect your elders. Kids these days are getting too comfortable.” You mumbled the last bit to yourself.
“I didn’t say you were a rat. I said you sounded like one. Your voice gets all high pitched and squeaky when you’re lying or hiding something. It’s how I knew you were planning something for my birthday last semester, remember?” The boy put his hands up in surrender.
You did remember that. Jongseob saw right through you then, and when he asked you about it, your voice gave it all away before you could even break under his questioning. With a chuckle at the memory, you relaxed and stood up, swinging your bag onto your shoulder. “Alright, you got me.” You dropped down in volume as you continued. “I haven’t turned in any rough drafts yet for this semester’s publication. She pulled me aside a few days ago and kind of insinuated that my ‘workload’ might be too much. Hint hint wink wink. She probably means my position as chief editor.”
Your friend’s eyes widened. “You really think she was threatening that?!”
“Well, I don’t know about threatening as much as trying to help me by suggesting I give up some of my work to someone else here…probably pushing more in a motherly way than anything, but still! What kind of editor would I be if someone was doing the work for me??” You wrung your hands and rubbed your palms nervously.
Seob visibly relaxed back into his seat. “Oh. Y/n, you’re fine. She’s just worried about you. Is that what she pulled you aside for just now?”
“Yes, but it’s embarrassing. I’ve been waiting to write these poems for a while now and just when I need to actually get it done, nothing is coming to me,” you whined.
“You’re putting yourself into a corner, dude. Loosen up. Think outside of it. This idea that you had for these poems is holding you back. You gotta slacken your grip on it. Make room for the actual creativity to flow in. You’re probably just choking it right now. Happens to me all the time.” The boy turned easily back to the papers he was marking up like he didn’t just drop a bomb of truth on you. How the hell was he so wise at such a young age?
You had just shaken off the ominous feeling that the freshman knew you better than you knew yourself when you finally made it out of the staircase and onto the secret floor you had been studying on for the past week. Turning the corner around a bookcase, you saw that your spot had been taken…by Jiung. His eyes lit up when they connected with yours. He put up a hand and waved you over.
“I need to find a new hiding spot, I see,” you teased as you settled into the seat across from him.
“So you WERE hiding from me before,” he fired right back.
Still, your ears burned at the memory. “Yes. Yes. We’ve already been over this. I’m a coward.”
“Not a coward. Just cautious.” Then, a feline smile stretched lazily across his face as he added, “And nervous around me.”
Antsy with listening to his poking and prodding, you tore your gaze away from him and focused on your laptop you were now booting up. You scoffed. “I’m not nervous around you. You’re just some guy who SOMETIMES makes me nervous when he is so straightforward and determined. And I thought Theo was headstrong.” Yes, good idea. Why play defense when you can play offense?
It worked because it was Jiung’s turn to scramble. “What? Theo is headstrong, sure. But me? I have tact, Y/n. Don’t lump me in with him. Like you said, I’m DETERMINED. That’s a good thing, right?”
You glanced up briefly to find the man leaning forward, eyes practically pleading for you to believe him. Ironically, his posturing proved the opposite. You couldn’t help but giggle and poke one finger into his forehead, pushing him back into his seat a few inches. “What are you even doing here, Jiung?”
And just as quickly as he got fired up in his own defense, he quickly switched his focus. “Oh, I’m just here to nap for a few hours before I go to my last class of the day,” he answered casually.
“And why wouldn’t you just nap at home? In your bed? You basically live right on campus, dude.” You pulled up a blank document–your fresh start.
Your friend’s eyes darted around momentarily. “Uhhh. Well, to be here in case you need my help,” he fumbled out.
With an eyebrow arched at him, you questioned, “And what exactly would you be helping with?”
“Your new poem, of course.” The man relaxed back into his chair in false confidence.
You stared at him for a few seconds, trying to figure your friend out. “I don’t need any help with it,” you tested.
Jiung only smirked and fired back, “Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna write about then?”
Damn it. He had you there. “It’s none of your business. I don’t need to explain anything to you.”
“That’s what I thought,” he replied. “Come onnnn. I can help, I promise. Just talk with me. I can just be your sounding board, ya know? Someone to talk at and ask the right questions?”
You squinted at the grown man in front of you who was now leaning across the table and gripping the sides of your laptop screen, giving his best puppy dog eyes at the same time. But as much as you felt avoidant about talking about these matters with Jiung, you had to admit that you were at a loss of what to write about. So, you set aside your hesitance for the time being and gave in to the man’s begging. “Fine. You can stay.”
He grinned wide, letting go of your computer finally. “Alright. So, you have no ideas at all? What’s the hold up? Lack of inspiration?”
With a sigh, you replied. “I guess so. Or maybe lack of good inspiration?”
“What makes it bad?”
You begin to type jumbles of letters in mock writing. The nonsense covered half your screen by the time you gathered your thoughts enough to say anything back. “It’s just…not all happy or lovely or even like beautifully melancholic like some poetry. It just feels sad and…intense.” You glanced over the top of your screen to see not a flinch from Jiung, just pure focus and interest. The expected stab of regret was nowhere to be found. Instead, your mind scrambled in a fluster in front of his gaze, not expecting him to want you to continue. “Ummm and I know that not all poetry needs to be sweet. It can be raw and dark and dramatic. I mean, I’ve literally written that kind of stuff before.” The longer you spoke, the more you eased up under his attention. “It’s just that I had this plan to dedicate some of my work to my siblings. That’s what the capstone project was supposed to be. And then when that opportunity closed, another one opened with the school’s magazine’s theme being love. My love for them…it’s pure and gentle and sweet. My other experiences with it aren’t really those things. And I guess I just have to let go of that original idea because those feelings just aren’t flowing right now. And that’s fine and all, but I really wasn’t expecting to have to instead write about…other stuff. And I’ve tried thinking of other things, but unfortunately this is all that has stuck.”
Among all of the expectations being shattered today, your expectation of a kind word from Jiung wasn’t one you thought would be broken, but you were wrong, of course.
“So, why don’t you write about it if you know that’s what has been on your mind? Why haven’t you started yet,” he asked bluntly.
You couldn’t help but let out an entirely unattractive guffaw at his lack of tact that he claimed he had so adamantly moments ago. “Alright alright, you got me. I know I need to start. That’s why I’m here,” you say with a giggle.
But Jiung only smiled softly. “I didn’t ask that to pressure you. You’re not a lazy student, Y/n. You work hard and do good work. I just thought there must be a reason holding you back is all I meant by it.
“Oh.” You sat back in your chair. “Well, I think I’m just feeling intimidated by the task. What I’ve been thinking about is hard for me to talk about sometimes, let alone write it down and format it into stanzas with plays on language and literary devices. It feels too raw, I guess.” It certainly had been feeling that way with every day you had spent trying to write this past week. Thoughts of your mother, father, the accident, and even your ex-boyfriend Nick had all but tormented you as you tried to conjure up soft moments with your brothers and sisters. At the time, you considered it to be tainting, but maybe it was just your brain’s way of saying, ‘Bitch, it’s time to get this off your chest.’ Either way, it all felt too overwhelming to tackle.
“That makes sense. But all those fancy English major terms you just rattled off aren’t where you start at normally, right? You just start with the basics–getting those feelings and thoughts and images down onto the page. You can only take it one step at a time, so just focus on that first step. It’ll probably still be hard, but at least it won’t feel like you’re climbing up a mountain of to-do list items,” he explained.
“That’s actually an excellent example of a simile, which is a literary device–.” You stopped yourself short when you saw him narrowing a look at you. With a sigh, you continued, “I know. You’re right. I just gotta rip the bandaid off.”
Then, Jiung’s face twisted into a wicked smile. “See? Aren’t you so glad you decided to let me stay and help?”
You kicked playfully at his shin under the table. “Ugh. You’re annoying.”
He laughed and used his leg to wrestle yours back down on the ground, once again hooking his foot around yours. “So, you’ve said. Alright, I’m conking out for a few hours. Wake me if you need me though.” And with that, he flipped up the hood of his sweatshirt and buried his face into his arms.
‘So weird,’ you thought to yourself absentmindedly as you pressed one finger to the backspace key, undoing all of your keyboard mashing from moments ago. It was evidence of your poor attempt at looking cool in the face of your stresses, and Jiung of course.
Once you had made it back to the very top of the page, you went about preparing your formatting–single space, Times New Roman, size 12. The cursor dragged slowly from point to point, allowing you to savor your last moment before digging into dreaded memories that your brain just absolutely had to get out onto the page apparently. You rolled your eyes to yourself before taking a deep breath. Maybe Nick was a good place to start. It wasn’t like you had never talked about that relationship before. In fact, there were countless nights where you had found yourself circled by your friends’ passionate arguments and girlish hype over the topic of your ex. You sucked at your teeth in distaste at the idea of his face appearing in your mind’s eye when it came to the theme of love. But it was true, you had loved the man at one point. There was a time when your book worm self had felt true affection for the big, lunk of a football player. It was part of his charm.
The two of you had met in your sophomore year. You were working through your last pre-requisite class, anatomy. It was a course you got stuck with taking when you had waited too long to sign up for your science credit. All of the intro level classes had been taken up, but you just wanted to be done with it and thought you could handle memorizing body parts. You learned quickly that you couldn’t and that there was more to the subject than just putting names to organs and bones. Desperation overrode your introverted tendencies and you quickly turned to the nearest classmate who had not failed that first quiz–Nick. That red-inked A+ practically glowed from his page at that moment. His eyes did too when he found out that you were an English major. The two of you struck a deal in the span of ten minutes. If he helped you with anatomy, then you would help him with his papers. And the more time you spent with one another, the more inevitable it was that one of your anatomy lessons was taken to the sheets. He was funny, extroverted, and large enough to make you feel oh so held. Nick had clung to you quickly since then, keeping you close to him as much as possible. At the time, you thought it was cute that such a big, dude-bro man wanted you around so much. It felt like a soft side that only you got to see. And maybe it really was that in the beginning.
But as time went on, you finished your science credit and no longer needed his help. He, however, needed more. Grammatical, formatting, and logic flow corrections turned into you writing entire papers for him all the time. To his credit, he gave you all of the information you needed, but the actual process of putting all of those notes into coherent sentences and paragraphs was all on you. You didn’t mind it at first. You liked being able to be there for your loved ones. It was how your mother raised you, and you were missing your mom so much still. But as your own work load got heavier and heavier, his papers felt like the cherry on top of an already teetering mountain of papers. Any time you tried to voice your exhaustion and concerns, Nick would tearfully weave a sob story about how his parents expected him to do well in both sports and school and he really just couldn’t do both and he was so tired after practices that he just couldn’t even keep his eyes open. You cared for him and hated to see him upset, so you would crack open another energy drink and get back to work on his essays. It got to the point that your own grades were sagging right alongside your eyebags. But even still, you basked in those happy smiles and relaxed shoulders of his. It was always Nick first and you second. That was what it meant to love someone, right? It’s what you had seen your mother do all those years for your dad. But things didn’t end well between your parents and they certainly didn’t end well between you and Nick.
The end had begun one Friday night last year. Though, you now knew that nights like these had happened many times before then. You had been at the library all day trying your best to catch up on your school work after spending the entire day before putting together a research paper for Nick. You were so exhausted, but still gave yourself an hour to get into something cute and fail an attempt to cover the dark circles under your eyes. He was having a party at the football house that night and you always wanted to be there for any events he was hosting, even if it was just a sweaty, dank party in campus housing. He wrapped you into a big bear hug when you finally arrived, showered your face with kisses, and led you to the kitchen. It was business as usual. You loved how grateful he was for your help and your presence at his things, so you let your tired heart melt a bit with his touches and guiding hands. And just like clockwork, he made sure you had a mixed drink in your hand made especially by him from the ‘good stuff’ in the fridge which usually just consisted of Gatorade and Ciroc Vodka instead of the usual fruit punch and New Amsterdam. You were always tired in those days so you drank hungrily and frequently at the cocktail he made you. He was wasted. It was more than usual. You remembered the two of you laughing at the state of each other. Soon, your glass was empty and Nick worked quickly and sloppily to make you another, pushing the rim to your lips himself.
After that, he gave you a kiss on your cheek and walked off into the crowd, saying something about needing to check on something. This was normal though. He often disappeared at his parties, not reuniting with you until much later in the night. Him and his boyish, drunken adventures is what you chalked it up to. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt you though. Each time he walked away, you hoped he would find his way back to you before the night ended, before you had to climb into his bed and fight sleep until he made it back safe and in one piece. So, your heart did sink in that moment. But you made your way to your usual perch on a windowsill in the corner of the room. It was the best spot for people watching and the best chance you had at getting a glimpse of your boyfriend in his element–hugging teammates and dapping up new friends.
You tried to get comfortable that night, but found that your vision and stomach kept churning and tilting every which way with every slight movement. It only took you fifteen minutes to realize that you had drank much more than normal and were way too drunk to be sitting upright. Upset and needing comfort, you made a wobbling stand and shuffled your way through the house trying to find Nick. When it felt like you made one big loop through the place and your stomach was burning worse, you grabbed a freshman football player by the arm and asked where he had gone. The poor kid didn’t know who you were and unknowingly pointed you straight towards the demise of your first and longest relationship. It only took a few more minutes of stumbling for you to reach the bedroom of one of his teammates, throw open the door, and see Nick in bed with another girl, panting and moaning on top of her grotesquely. Maybe it wasn’t grotesque in actuality, but in your head, it was like you had walked right into a nightmare.
All of that work, all of that love, all of that care, swollen inside of you to the point of pain sometimes was punctured in a moment. You spent a long, frigid walk home slowly deflating from the initial stab of betrayal, the last bit of air leaving you when you had to stop and vomit into some innocent neighbor’s beautiful garden. Nick had seen you and tried to stop you by throwing flimsy apologies at you. Each one missed their mark, falling with a splat on the sidewalk. And then, when he realized you weren’t going to walk back to him, he yelled. “You’re always studying. What did you think was going to happen? Technically you left me first. It’s not my fault that you couldn’t handle school and a boyfriend. You left me.” These words struck you though, pushing you further and further away from his drunken scramble. You eventually made it home and crawled into the comfortable embrace of darkness in your room. You recall yourself thinking, “This must be how mom felt,” before shivering with cold and adrenaline into a deep sleep.
That last thought made you blink. This wasn’t the time to think about her. Just think about Nick, only him right now. You shifted your foot against Jiung’s and smiled when he stirred momentarily before going back to sleep. Guys can really sleep anywhere. ‘I guess Nick could too in a way,’ you thought to yourself with a dark little chuckle.
You could laugh and make jokes about it now, but in the months after your sudden and jarring breakup, it was anything but funny. Even though you had caught him cheating, Nick was the one to officially end things. You had taken his cruel words to heart and blamed yourself entirely, coming back to him the next day begging for another chance to be a better girlfriend. You were…a mess. The memory of your tear streaked cheeks and your runny nose that day still haunted you. All the while, Nick looked at you with zero emotion. The difference between the two of you was pitiful, but still you pleaded and apologized and told him all the new changes you would make to make sure he felt loved by you so this wouldn’t happen again. But it was to no avail. You felt your eyes water at the thought of younger you reduced to a sobbing mess in front of someone so unfeeling.
Blinking away the tears, you put that pang of emotion into words just as Jiung had suggested. “I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to sleep. I only want him one more time.” A part of you fretted over its simplicity, but you tried to remember your friend’s advice about just taking it one step at a time. Just focus on getting it onto the page.
And so you did. As you sat thinking and sitting in your feelings, you wrote. “There’s nothing else I can do ‘cause I’m doing it all for him.” All those hours spent in the library were for nothing. All those sleepless nights were for nothing. All those bad grades were for nothing. All that time spent away from people who actually cared about you was wasted.
“I’m failing in school, losing my friends, making my family lose their minds. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to sleep. I only want him one more time,” you wrote again. It was painful to put onto paper, but it was the truth. You were willing to give it all to that man. And even when he made it clear he didn’t want you anymore, you still tore your life to bits in hopes he would come back, for a while anyways.
Now, you knew that what he did was his own fault. If he had really cared for you, he would have come to you instead of going to someone else. Thanks to your friends’ stubbornness and loyalty, they were able to convince you of that much. Though, you’d be lying if you said that his words that night didn’t still haunt you. That relationship still felt like a failure on your end. Things could have been done differently. More time could have been spent with Nick. It was just a matter of time management. And that was something you had a record of struggling with. Talia and Yunjin would disagree. Well, even they know you are bad with being organized. But they would disagree with that being an issue in that relationship. They think that you gave too much of yourself to him, but isn’t that what it’s all about? Your mother loved your father so much. And because of that, she always held down the fort at home with no complaint when he would go on work trips, which was often. That was her love. Acts of service, right?
You shook your head to snap out of it, thinking of your mom once again. But that jolt of recognition took you out of it enough for you to look over the page before you. Surprisingly, you had quite a bit written down. Some of the ideas were actually good. A few of the lines had some real promise. And the best part? No tears! Well, besides a few sniffled, watery moments, but you’d take what you could get.
With a stretch of your arms and a yawn, you decided you were done for the day. You shut your laptop closed, getting a better look at the man sleeping before you. So much of how you met Nick is similar to how you met Jiung. And yet, it feels different. There’s no exhaustion. Well, at least for you there wasn’t. Clearly Jiung was feeling that way. Was that because of you? You couldn’t think of anything that he might’ve done for you that would have taken from his energy. And you couldn’t think of anything you’d done to do the same to him. Except for maybe making him run around different libraries in search of you. But you doubted that it did any real damage. Or did it? Maybe it was the emotional rollercoaster that you were trying to come down from, but you felt the sudden urge to take care of your friend.
You reached across the table, only hesitating a second before placing a hand on his hooded head. At first you let it rest there, thinking that the weight alone would rouse him from his sleep. When it didn’t, you pet his head softly over the thick sweatshirt material, wishing it wasn’t in the way and you could sink your fingers into his hair. However, the man began to finally stir with a low, raspy groan. You attempted to move your hand away and let him wake up, but one of his hands came from under his head and grabbed your wrist. He twisted his head to the side in order to look at you. He blinked blearily up at your wide, surprised eyes. They only grew larger when he drew your hand closer to him, placing the flat of your hand on the side of his face. Closing his eyes again, he let out a contented sigh. “Please don’t tell me I’m late for my class,” he grumbled against your palm.
“Nah, you’re good,” you replied softly, swallowing thickly before adding, “I thought maybe we could get dinner before you go to class. Just the cafeteria. I don’t think you have time for anything else. But if you wanna keep sleeping, I can hang with you until then and get something to eat afterwards.”
“I should probably eat something, shouldn’t I?” His eyes remained closed, your hand still pressed to his face. He was still so sleepy. Your heart gave a thwang in your chest. He looked cute like this.
“Probably.” Though you’d be content to just stay like this for a while longer.
“Alright,” he mumbled. After a few moments of not moving, you thought he had actually fallen back to sleep. Eventually he released your hand and sat up though.
You packed up your bag slowly to give him time to get his bearings. After getting situated with your coat and bag, you looked to find him ready as well. His head was still covered by his hoodie and his eyes were puffy from sleep. So cute. You turned away to start heading out and to hide the smile on your face. The two of you made a mostly silent trek down the stairs, out of the building, and across campus. Once you reached the cafeteria, you turned to your sleepy friend who was squinting in the suddenly bright lights and said, “Here. Take my bag and find a table. I’ll get us food. What do you want?” He really looked so pitiful like this. All you wanted him to do was rest.
“Huh? It’s okay. I can get my own food, Y/n. You don’t have to do that.” He tilted his head to the side in confusion.
“I know you can and I know I don’t have to. What do you want to eat?”
You were already shoving your bag into his hands, so he finally relented. With a shrug of his shoulders, he answered, “Eh, whatever you want.”
Before you could grill him further to get a better answer than that from him, he turned and trudged away, off to find a spot for you guys to sit. You sighed and gave up as well. Heading to the easiest, safest option—pizza. The amount of slices you brought over filled the tray completely. It was a balancing act with steaming hot garlic knots rolling freely on top of the pizza surface.
You worked yourself into a sweat from the concentration it took to prevent anything from falling off by the time you found the table Jiung found. The man once again had his head buried in his arms, taking up almost all of the space on the table. “Jiung! Head up! Now! Please,” you squeaked in panic as your arms began to shake. Thankfully the man hadn’t actually fallen asleep again and was able to move away just in time before you dropped the tray right where his head was.
“Y/n. Oh my god!” His eyes were huge with surprise and delight. “What the hellllllll,” he said laughing.
“I wanted to make sure you were fueled up for class,” you whined in defense of yourself. With a plop, you landed in your seat, immediately dragging a plate towards you. That first bite was heavenly. Hot, crisp breading with sweet and tangy sauce topped off with melt-in-your-mouth cheese. The cafeteria didn’t do much right in the way of food, but the pizza they aced. Staring at a screen and thinking about sad stuff for two hours didn’t do wonders for your head, but some steaming junk food was fixing you right up. You groaned, letting your eyes flutter shut for a moment.
“I don’t know, seems like you need it more than me, Y/n” he teased. Though to your delight, he was digging in right alongside you. Good. He can say whatever he likes, but he needed this just as much as you did. “How did the writing go?”
“Pretty good actually! No tears. Just thoughts and feelings and memories going directly on the page just like you said. I think there’s some good stuff in there actually. It felt good though. It was hard, but I am proud and feeling good about what I have so far.” You were happy to report it all to the man, and wanted him to know how well you were doing.
You were rewarded with a big grin. “That’s good! Does this mean you won’t need my help anymore?” He looked up through his eyelashes, watching you carefully.
“Nah, I’ll probably need you tomorrow.” You weren’t actually sure if you did, but you knew you wanted him there with you. Even though he was passed out probably drooling on the table, it was nice having him there just in case. In case of what? You didn’t know, but you liked him there all the same. “If that’s okay with you, of course. If you’re busy then that’s cool too. I can get by on my own–” you stammered out. He looked so tired today and you didn’t want him to push himself just so you can have some eye candy and good company while you worked on something that had nothing to do with him.
“I’ll be there,” he interrupted. A smile tugged at his lips as if he were trying not to.
You couldn’t help but do the same as well before continuing on with your feasting.
The two of you practically licked the tray clean. Somehow every slice and garlic knot was demolished in the span of thirty minutes, just in time for Jiung to head to class. He leaned back in his chair with a huff of breath. “Y/n, I think you overfed me. Now I just wanna skip class to nap all this off. Can I crash on your couch?”
“Choi Jiung? Skipping class? I’m shocked,” you said with an exaggerated gasp and a hand in front of your gaping mouth.
The man tipped his head back in a laugh. “If that’s the street cred I’ve earned through almost four years of college, then that’s pretty lame.”
“I don’t know, a lot of the underclassmen seem pretty intimidated by you. They say you’re the shining star of the music department.” You leaned in close as if you were telling an urban legend, winning another chuckle from him.
“If they knew the amount of work that it takes to get a reputation like that, they would most definitely find me lame.”
“Is that why you’re so tired today?”
You didn’t expect that question to make him pause. You had only asked out of worry and friendly conversation, but Jiung straightened his relaxed posture immediately and clearly his throat. “Yeah, something like that. You ready to go?”
“Oh. Yeah.” You gathered your things quickly upon feeling the air shift. After you two had pushed through the doors and out into the bitter cold, you asked, “Alright, what building is your class in?”
“You’re gonna walk me there?”
“Yeah! I’m calling it quits for the day and I’m free as a bird, so therefore, I’m dropping you off at class,” you chirped, pushing an excited thumbs up into his surprised face. After the weird mood shift, you were just trying to lighten things up a bit.
It worked because Jiung pushed aside your hand and rolled his eyes with a grin. “Gee thanks, mom.”
“Ugh, kids these days are so ungrateful,” you fired back.
The walk was freezing. Because of the weather, campus was dead quiet. All you could hear were yours and Jiung’s footsteps. The sound was only broken by the occasional sniffing from your friend. It was companionable and pleasant. Feeling warmed by the food you just ate and his company, you decided to slip your hand into his. Your heart was in your throat over whether or not he would accept it, but you didn’t have to wait for long for his long fingers to clasp yours gently. The lump of anxiety within you melted instantly, pooling deep in your belly. Not wanting to break the moment, you happily kept your mouth shut and tried to soak in the feeling of his hand in yours. You hoped he wouldn’t look over at you. If he did, he would have caught your face straining to hide the smile that so wanted to spread across your face. You were sure you looked like a goof. Right now, you were just trying to play it as cool as possible. Holding hands is totally normal and very elementary. It wasn’t giving you butterflies at allllll. You couldn’t even convince yourself of that lie.
The two of you reached the music building and you reluctantly slid your hand from his. “Please don’t walk me to the classroom too,” he mock moaned.
“Hardy har har. You’re so funny, Jiung.”
With a laugh, he said, “Alright, text me when you get back to your place. It’s already dark out, so just be careful.”
“I will.” You looked down at your feet and then back up at him. “I also wanted to say thanks for today. It was fun, and you really did help me out a lot.” And before you could lose your nerve, you kissed him quickly and lightly on his cheek. His face was cold. God, he really needed to get out of the cold. You pulled away and saw his eyes lock into yours in surprise. “Okay, bye,” you shrieked nervously, walking away from the man at a lightning pace.
“What the fuck? You’re welcome!” The man’s call to you echoed through the campus.
You put another thumbs up into the air, not daring to look back. Was that a good ‘what the fuck’ or a bad one? You let your worry over it fuel your speedy pace back to your apartment. Throwing your body down onto the bed in exasperation and nerves, you let your body sag over its blanketed edge before you picked up your phone.
YOU: Made it home safe! :)
JIUNG: Why do I feel like you just took me on a date? Food, a walk, holding hands, and then a goodnight kiss? Do you have a crush on me or something? ;)
YOU: Omg shut upppp. Leave me alone to curl up in embarrassment lol
JIUNG: I’m just asking so I know when to bring you flowers next time
YOU: Stop teasing me :-P
JIUNG: No thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow ;)