Work Text:
❀
“See, he’s doing it again,” Soobin groans, as he tries to make Yeonjun wither from his gaze. “I can’t stand him.”
“Hyung, he’s literally just standing there,” Huening Kai says.
“No,” Soobin shakes his head. Huening Kai is so naive, he’s getting blindsided by the enemy. And Beomgyu, too. “He’s talking to everyone like he’s so fucking close to them. It’s like, he has this innate need to make everyone like him. It’s annoying.”
And in his peripheral vision, he can see Yeonjun sneaking up on Beomgyu. Very close, as if Yeonjun’s breath was skirting over Beomgyu’s neck. “Look at the way he wraps his arm around Beomgyu. They have talked like what… Three times?”
“Beomgyu knew him way before you,” Huening Kai groans as he puts his fork on the table, and shoves his dirty fingers into Soobin’s holy fries. “The guy is just being friendly.”
“Friendly? He’s never friendly like that with me,” Soobin says, sour bubbles filling the pit of his stomach. He’s not mad because Choi Yeonjun isn’t breathing down his neck like he’s doing it to Beomgyu. He’s mad because Kai is stealing his food. Right.
“Because you run the other direction whenever he says hi to you. You're not entirely friendly to him,” Kai mushes his face into his palms, smearing cheese dust all over his cheeks. It’s a disgusting sight, but there’s no Taehyun today to scold him, and Soobin is too lazy to say anything.
“I am friendly,” Soobin says, and the pout in his voice is loud and clear. He gives Choi Yeonjun another judgmental look – today Yeonjun is wearing short shorts and a purse to work. Gross. Nobody needs to know that Yeonjun has nice, smooth, and long legs with milky skin that look soft to the touch. He probably shaves and oils them too, and they probably smell like baby powder and cherry blossoms and vanilla. Absolutely revolting.
Yeonjun chooses that exact moment to look in their direction, and Soobin shifts his eyes off Yeonjun’s smooth, milky, shaven legs and starts shoving whatever is on the table into his mouth. He needs to appear normal as if he wasn’t drooling over….this….delicious…salad that has a few pieces of soggy croutons flaking on the sad, floppy greens. “Oops.”
“Hyung,” Huening Kai shushes. “You were glaring again.”
“Was not,” Soobin pokes at his salad and tries to look at either the sun glimmering outside or Huening Kai’s cheese-dusted fingers. He crosses his legs and tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. It’s so hot in here. There must be a problem with the AC.
“If you don’t like him… you can at least try to be civil, you know,” Kai steals another fry and chews loudly. Soobin glares at his greasy hands.
“I am civil,” Soobin says. “On Monday we shared the same elevator.”
“Yeah. And you were definitely not sending me twenty-four texts while being in there with him for under three minutes.”
“He was calling me sexy.” Soobin groans.
“He calls everyone sexy. You’re not special. And besides, he has a whole ass boyfriend,” Kai’s words are nails against a blackboard. Damn. That hurts. Kai shouldn’t remind Soobin of Yeonjun’s successful dating life and Soobin’s lack of love life. One more reason to add to his long list of why Soobin can’t stand Choi Yeonjun.
“But that doesn’t mean he has to do it to me. I am a victim.”
Kai sighs. “You know what… Yeonjun isn’t even that bad. Hyung is a decent guy when you get to know him,” Kai says, and suddenly Soobin doesn’t want to share his fries with Kai anymore. He slaps Kai’s hand as it sneaks to his side of the table.
“Traitor,” Soobin huffs. “I didn’t expect you to actually say anything nice about him.”
“I don’t know,” Kai says, retreating his hand and ducking his head like a sad puppy. Now Soobin feels bad. “I just don’t see why you can’t stand the guy so much.”
“I mean,” Soobin says, and he stares at his half-eaten lunch tray. Today’s dessert is matcha cookies. “Yeonjun is like… sewing supplies and I’m the cookie tin.”
“Excuse me, what?”
“Like…” Soobin picks up a cookie and peels off the plastic package. “If you find a cookie tin full of sewing supplies while scrambling for something to eat, you just end up getting disappointed. It’s like… me and Yeonjun. We just serve different purposes in life and our paths shouldn’t cross, but somehow they did.” Soobin purses his lip. “People just prefer actual cookies in cookie tins.”
“So does that mean you get to be the cookie tin, and Yeonjun hyung is the disappointment,” Kai deadpans.
“That’s not the point, Hyuka,” Soobin breaks a piece of the cookie and tosses it in his mouth. Sweet hits his tongue, and then it's replaced by a muted bitterness. “I just want to say we don’t go together, despite how much people want us to work.”
Yeonjun’s laughter chooses that moment to creep up to their table in the cafeteria, and Soobin secretly steals another look. God, how could a person be so loud.
❀
Soobin would like to think of himself as a simple person. He likes buildings, concrete, efficient and functional, so he became an architect. Most of the time, Soobin keeps quiet to himself: he graduated with an average score and then got an average job, just working enough to get by. When he misses his mom, he calls, and when he feels lonely, he hugs his pet hedgehog. He doesn't really date, because relationships are messy and complicated and they disrupt simple lives. Soobin has learned this from a young age.
Everything about Soobin is simple. He likes to keep things transparent, clean, and neat because it is easier to compartmentalize his life.
That was why when Soobin met Yeonjun after he moved to the firm, Soobin couldn’t stand him. It wasn’t because Yeonjun had spilled hot coffee all over Soobin on his first day, per se, but it is because Yeonjun is loud and obnoxious and he spills all over the place. He dates at work and flirts with literally anything that has legs and maybe a mouth. And the worst thing is, Yeonjun says things he doesn’t mean all the time, sweet nothings pour out of his mouth like honey dripping from a spoon.
Soobin and Yeonjun are polar opposites; they hang out in different circles. Yeonjun sits with the Finance guys in the cafeteria where everyone talks to him, and Soobin sits with the nonconformists of the company as he tries not to talk to them. Soobin and Yeonjun are just fundamentally different. They don’t belong together, simple as that. Cookie tin and sewing supplies.
❀
“Soobin,” Jungkook says as he taps Soobin's shoulder. “Would you mind bringing this to the 8th floor? It's the proposal for the new eco-park in Yongsan-gu.”
“Not at all, hyung,” Soobin flashes Jungkook a smile and accepts the file with both hands. Jungkook might have a nice smile but he’s also evil, because he’s sending Soobin straight to hell.
Jungkook nods. “8th floor. Choi Yeonjun.” Jungkook winks and returns to his office. Soobin’s brain shuts down at the name.
This. This is it. Coming within a 5-mile radius of Yeonjun is one of Soobin’s two only fears; the other one is losing his Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai Sakurajima Mai 50cmx160cm Double-sided Pillow that Beomgyu got for him on Christmas, which has only happened once, but it was equally distressing and heart-wrenching.
Soobin swallows as he stands up. His legs melt into jelly as he waddles towards the elevator and pushes the number 8 button. In his seven months of working here, Soobin has successfully avoided this number and yet, today is the day he’s walking straight to his demise, because of a fucking piece of paper that Jungkook can’t deliver himself.
The ride is too long, and Soobin shifts his weight between his two legs and counts from one to ten, and then back again. When the elevator opens with a cheerful ‘ding,’ Soobin’s insides are rotting, and suddenly he wants to return to his safe haven, his small cubicle tucked in a corner and shaded by a fake, spikey plant, arguably the best spot in an office, no doubt.
This is bad. A few employees who are discussing their sketches in the flex space stop and eye him curiously, and Soobin grits his teeth and scans the layout of the floor. When he spots a pink cardigan in the distance, Soobin walks in that direction with the accumulation of all the negativity in his entire life.
“Yeonjun-ssi,” Soobin says as he throws the file on the table. He could feel the entirety of his lunch spills out of the column of his throat and all over the place. Yeonjun spins his chair around, eyes wide, and from this angle, Soobin can see the faint shape of his chest underneath the cardigan, which is draped loosely on his shoulder. Why the fuck did this guy not button his cardigan properly; nobody needs to know he has a toned chest.
“My eyes are up here,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin snaps.
“From Jungkook hyung. It's the proposal for the park in Yongsan-gu,” Soobin says curtly. A flush rushes to his cheeks, and before Yeonjun can have a chance to open his stupid, pink, hateable mouth again, Soobin turns around and stomps towards the elevator.
“Thank you so much for this, sexy!” Yeonjun’s voice follows him like an annoying telemarketer that doesn’t get the hint that Soobin isn’t into their pyramid scheme under the disguise of protein shakes. Soobin wants to die.
When he gets back to his floor, Jungkook is waiting for him next to the fake, spikey plant. The sadistic curl of his lips implies that he is, in fact, enjoying Soobin's suffering.
“That wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“Please never send me there again,” Soobin says, because maybe losing his Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai Sakurajima Mai 50cmx160cm Hugging Body Double-sided Pillow doesn’t sound half as bad as exchanging eye-contact with Yeonjun…..…or…..more…… correctly, Yeonjun’s man boobs. Soobin is going to explode.
Jungkook throws his head back as he laughs. “So it’s true then,” Jungkook shoots him a wink.
Soobin huffs. He hates it when Jungkook is vague. “What is true, hyung?”
“Your intense feelings for Yeonjun, Soobin,” Jungkook says as he drapes his arm over Soobin’s shoulder. Jungkook is a big guy, but he still has to stand on his tiptoes to dominate over Soobin’s height, and Soobin shrinks his frame a little so Jungkook can be comfortable.
“I feel okay towards him,” Soobin says, clearing his throat. “In fact, I don’t feel anything about him at all.”
“Your face really can’t hide your feelings, Soobin-ah," Jungkook says, and Soobin swallows because it makes him a little self-conscious. "Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone about your crush."
❀
Except Jungkook is cruel and evil and he doesn’t listen to life-threatening concerns proposed by his helpless hoobaes, because every time Jungkook needs to deliver something to the Design team, Soobin has to be the guy doing it. Soobin doesn’t understand why he, kind and dimpled and generous, has to go through this sort of torture at work every day for the sake of Jungkook’s sadistic entertainment. It has gotten so bad that Soobin started to learn things against his will, like how Yeonjun’s two front teeth are slightly bigger, and has the mole near his eyes always been there?
“Why the fuck can’t Jungkook do it himself,” Soobin groans into his palms, and lets out a hybrid sound between a choke and a croak of a dying bird. He looks funny, he knows, but he’s in the middle of a breakdown, and sitting at the same table with both Huening Kai and Beomgyu doesn’t help. He needs Taehyun, because Taehyun listens and he doesn’t ask unnecessary questions.
“Or ask someone else on our floor,” Soobin continues to whine. "It’s not like Wooyoung isn’t two seats next to me.”
“Well, he’s right. You do have intense feelings toward Yeonjun,” Huening Kai says nonchalantly. Soobin bought bulgogi today, and Huening Kai shoves his chopsticks into Soobin’s tray to steal a piece of meat. “Not necessarily a crush, because that suggests that you are capable of romantic feelings. It’s more of like… a fixation maybe.”
“Hyung, your problem is you feel too much,” Beomgyu says, peeking underneath his bangs. Soobin hates working with creatives, because they should ban wolf cuts and highlights at work instead of encouraging an open-minded dress code, because Beomgyu looks like he knows the chords to Creep by Radiohead on a ukulele and hasn’t seen a cock that isn’t his own in his entire life. “Just numb it all like me.”
“Like how you numb your feelings towards Taehyun?” Huening Kai eyes Beomgyu curiously, and Soobin doesn’t miss the red creeping onto Beomgyu’s ears.
“You all are so obsessed with me,” Beomgyu says, tossing a piece of banchan into his mouth and chewing obnoxiously. “I get it. I would be obsessed with myself too.” He winks and wipes his long hair out of his face, greasy fingers smearing a grain of rice on his cheek.
“You guys are all weirdos. Soobin hyung is a dramatic teenage boy and Beomgyu hyung is a narcissistic self-loving psychopath,” Kai sighs. “I just can’t keep surrounding myself with this much negativity. It's taking a toll on my skin." Kai pulls out his pocket mirror and starts fixing his bangs, and Soobin gives him a judgmental look. "I love you guys but I should go and sit with HR."
“And be boring again?” Soobin rolls his eyes. “Cut the bullshit, Hyuka. The negativity here is Yeonjun."
“Ah, here you go, being fixated again,” Kai says, and the words poke Soobin's ribs. Huening Kai looks past Soobin’s shoulder and smiles saccharinely. “I don’t see that he’s exuding any negativity. He’s actually smiling very brightly right now.”
“I do not need to know any of that." Soobin shoves a piece of meat into his mouth. "I am not fixated on Yeonjun, and I also do not have a crush on him." Soobin says, and he takes a habitual glance around the cafeteria until he spots Yeonjun near the window.
The sun dips and glimmers in Yeonjun’s gelled black hair, and Kai is right. Yeonjun glows, as if the world dimmed a little around his shape.
“Everyone sort of has a crush on Yeonjun, though,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin steals another glance at Yeonjun, who is giggling and linking his arm with Wooyoung. They should also bring back banning dating at work. “Wooyoung is such a lucky guy.”
“I don’t see what Wooyoung sees in him,” Soobin says as he watches both of them laugh in sync, a dance so personal and intimate that Soobin has to look away momentarily.
“Apparently he’s really good in bed. Like he’s really into performing oral,” Beomgyu says nonchalantly. “He would go down on you like he’s some sort of an excited puppy ready for his first pup cup, and there’s no way to stop him unless you have cummed fifteen times and you can’t feel any sensation. Like at all.”
Huening Kai whips his head, and Soobin audibly gasps. “How the fuck did you get this? Did Wooyoung brag about this kind of shit on Twitter or something?”
“No, no, not Wooyoung,” Beomgyu shakes his head. “Yeonjun used to suck me off in the copy room before he dated Hosik. The guy before Wooyoung, you know? Anyway, his mouth was so good I experienced withdrawal effects when they started going out. I was having a very hard time.”
“Again, I do not need to know any of that,” Soobin says. He scoops a handful of rice and tosses it into his mouth and tries not to think about Yeonjun’s lips and how nice they would look around a cock. Any cock in general. Not necessarily Soobin’s. Right. Not like Soobin cares, anyway.
“We should really stop having lunch together,” Kai whispers desperately, and Soobin silently agrees.
❀
Beomgyu has opened a can of worms, because now Soobin just can’t stop thinking about Yeonjun’s lips for the past three days. The shape of Yeonjun’s mouth follows him from his waking moment to his dreams, and on Wednesday, Soobin wakes up in a sweat and…….a……...hard-on, for some odd reason that he obviously doesn’t understand why.
This is why when Jungkook approaches him with a folder at half past five on Friday, Soobin jumps out of his seat.
“Choi Yeonjun. 8th floor. I got you hyung,” Soobin says, and Jungkook’s eyes widen.
“What’s wrong with you today?” Jungkook presses the back of his hand on Soobin’s forehead. “You know you can take sick leave right?”
“No, hyung, I am fine,” Soobin flashes Jungkook a smile, but Jungkook’s expression remains worried. “Just leave this to me.”
“You’re acting weird,” Jungkook says. “You need to get some rest,” Jungkook scans the room as he reluctantly hands Soobin the folder. “You should clock out right after this. Everybody left already.”
Soobin does a quick scan of the office and blinks. Sunset spills through the window and casts an orange glow, and the room is eerily empty, save for Jungkook’s steady breathing and the wind lapping against the windows.
Soobin flashes Jungkook a smile. “Right, hyung. I was too engrossed in work.”........and definitely not thinking about Yeonjun’s mouth……because……because Soobin is sane and normal and he’s just a very ordinary guy who totally hasn’t heard about his coworker’s particular liking for performing oral sex. And said coworker definitely does not happen to be a guy Soobin despises due to absolutely rational and justifiable reasons. Right. And water is wet.
“Don’t worry, hyung. I will clock out after this,” Soobin nods as he quickens his steps to the elevator. “Get home safe.”
It’s also eerily quiet on the 8th floor, and Soobin takes a breath as he spots the familiar gelled jet-black hair near the far end of the room.
“Hey,” Soobin says as approaches Yeonjun’s cubicle, and just like usual, he throws the folder on Yeonjun’s table. “Delivery from Jungkook hyung.”
Yeonjun turns around and this time, Soobin takes his time to trace the shape of Yeonjun’s mouth. His bottom lip is slightly thicker, and his upper lip dips in the middle in a pronounced Cupid's bow. This is Yeonjun’s defining feature, without a doubt: the overall shape is slightly downturned while the corners of his mouth curl upwards and Soobin wonders how his lips would look wrapped around a—
“Thank you, Soobin-ssi,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin’s stomach does a swoop at the name. Yeonjun never calls him Soobin-ssi. Yeonjun calls him sexy and baby and wookie pookie little cutie patootie and all sorts of names because he’s annoying and he doesn’t get a clue, and Soobin shifts his gaze to Yeonjun’s eyes.
The look in Yeonjun's eyes is a bit shattered today. The hint of playfulness has gone, replaced by a weight that sink Soobin’s chest. Yeonjun reminds him of a lost puppy that needs help, and Soobin's stomach clenches into knots.
“Just Soobin-ssi. Not sexy?”
“I thought you didn’t like it?”
“I don’t like anything you do,” Soobin says, and that for some weird and obscure reasons, makes Yeonjun laugh. Soobin’s sighs with relief, because despite how much Soobin can’t stand Yeonjun, he looks better like this.
“Stop laughing,” Soobin groans. “It’s not funny.”
“It’s not, but it’s nice knowing that some people never change,” Yeonjun says, and the shatter returns again. Soobin hates how it makes him feel, but he swallows the discomfort.
“You talk so much just not to say anything,” Soobin says. “I’m leaving, by the way.”
“Hey, Soobin-ssi.” Yeonjun’s voice creeps up to him as Soobin presses the elevator button, and Soobin cringes, again, for some odd reason. “Has Wooyoung already left?
“Why?” Soobin says. “You should go check it yourself. I’m not your boyfriend’s babysitter.”
“He’s not my boyfriend anymore.” Yeonjun’s eyes droop, and the wrinkles around them deepen. His back hunched over and suddenly Yeonjun seems so small and boneless, as if he would disappear under a slight flick. Sunset dips on the highs of Yeonjun's cheeks, orange yolk bursting onto milky skin like a watercolor painting. A sad one, like one of those museum paintings that makes Soobin contemplate in front of it for hours, because he is washed over by a sadness so intimate and personal.
Soobin doesn’t like intimate and personal. He’s an architect, not an artist. He looks at sketches of buildings and scale models and renderings because they are neutral and they don’t evoke unnecessary feelings.
Soobin stills and searches Yeonjun’s face as he tries to find the right words to say.
"Sorry,” Yeonjun clears his throat, standing straight and flashing Soobin a strained smile. “I don't know why I told you that. You don't even like me anyway."
“Uh,” Soobin takes a breath. “It’s fine. Wooyoung left already,” Soobin says. His head sinks heavy and he has this urge to tell the truth.
“Thank you, Soobin-ssi,” Yeonjun looks up and Soobin swears the corners of Yeonjun’s eyes refract the sunset outside. Yeonjun lets out a quiet sniffle, and he wipes his nose with the sleeve of his cardigan. “I would really appreciate it if you don’t tell anyone.”
“I don’t meddle,” Soobin presses his mouth into a thin line. Soobin can't really stand the guy, but he has always been quiet around here. Besides, Soobin isn’t interested in other people’s love lives. There’s a good reason he tries not to get involved, anyway. “You, uh, should get home soon.”
“Oh wow,” Yeonjun covers his mouth as he lets out a laugh, and for a second, the playfulness in his eyes return. “I didn’t expect you to care that much about me, sexy.”
It's annoying when Yeonjun calls him that, but Soobin laughs, and the knots in his stomach unclench, because this is the Yeonjun he's used to.
“I don’t,” Soobin says, and freezes his face as he remembers he’s not supposed to display any human emotion. “I was saying it out of politeness. Don’t get touched.”
“But I already am,” Yeonjun says, pressing a hand on his heart and fake-gasping.
“Whatever. I’m gonna go. It’s late,” Soobin presses the elevator. Not like he cares, anyway.
❀
“Soobin,” Jungkook taps his shoulder as Soobin throws his sweater above his head. It's getting chilly these days, and all Soobin wants to do after work is to cocoon up in his bed and confide in Odi, because there has been a lot of thoughts on his mind lately. “Are you up for drinks tonight? We are heading out with people from Design. Namjoon’s idea.”
Fuck corporate drinking culture and its consequences to modern society and Soobin’s beautiful, unblemished, and baby skin. Soobin swallows, and he ducks his head as Jungkook gives him a stern gaze.
“I, uh. Sorry hyung, I don’t think I can,” Soobin mumbles. “I think I need to give my pet hedgehog a grooming session?”
“You need to find a better excuse,” Jungkook rolls his eyes, and Soobin grins sheepishly. “I’ll let it slide this time," Jungkook says as he crosses his arms, and Soobin knows it's a warning. "It’s good for team-building."
Team-building, Soobin curses under his breath. It sounds more like feigning smiles until his jaw hurts and nodding until his neck breaks and pouring soju until his wrists crack. Soobin flashes Jungkook another apologetic, lop-sided grin, and Jungkook shakes his head as he walks away.
“Wooyoung? You going?”
“Count me in, hyung,” Wooyoung says, running a hand through his bleached blond hair, voice cheery. Soobin’s mind lingers on Yeonjun for a while, and he wonders why this breakup doesn’t seem to affect Wooyoung as much. He stands up and heads straight to the elevator. Not like Soobin cares anyway.
But instead of getting to the spinning door at the front of the building, Soobin finds himself in front of Yeonjun’s desk on the 8th floor.
“What brings you here today, sexy? Jungkook hyung has something for me?” Yeonjun cocks an eyebrow. He's wearing a crop top today, and Soobin swallows as his stomach peeks through the space between his top and his pants.
“No. It’s not Jungkook hyung,” Soobin says. He doesn’t understand why the fuck he is doing this. Something must be wrong with his head, and he blames the shatter in Yeonjun's eyes the other day. “It’s about the drinks tonight… I heard Namjoon wanted to merge our teams together. Anyway, you shouldn’t go. Wooyoung is going to be there."
Yeonjun gives him another pointed look, and then his face breaks in a smile. “Wow. I didn’t know that you care that much about me,” Yeonjun says, and tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. Soobin's gaze follows the movement. “You could have sent me a text instead of coming all the way up here, sexy."
“Do not call me that again,” Soobin massages the tip of his nose, because why the fuck did he meddle. He doesn’t give a fuck about other people’s relationships in the first place. “And I do not have your phone number.”
Yeonjun’s eyes widen, and Soobin quickly waves his hands in the air in a dismissal. “This is not an invitation for you to give me your number, by the way. Don't get any weird ideas.” Soobin says, and then he turns his heels and waltz toward the elevator. “Goodbye, I look forward to never seeing your face again.”
The corner of Yeonjun’s mouth quirks up in a smirk, and Soobin quickly runs for his life because Yeonjun definitely has some weird ideas.
The next morning, when Soobin flops down to his chair, there is a post-it note plastered to his monitor with a number scribbled messily. His eyes linger over it, and then he stands up. Soobin walks toward the balcony of his floor. He steps out, closes the door and screams.
❀
“Odi,” Soobin sighs. “Appa made a mistake.” Soobin scoops the hedgehog with his hands and waits for Odi to soften against the touch. Gently, he rubs Odi’s quills in the direction that they naturally lie, and Odi’s round eyes stare back at him blankly.
“Choi Yeonjun,” Soobin sighs. “He’s…. really something. Huh… what?”
Odi is hissing into his palms, and Soobin scowls. EXO’s winter playlist is playing on his speaker, even when it’s the middle of August. Soobin closes his eyes and he wonders if Yeonjun listens to this kind of music. Yeonjun seems more like a hip-hop guy; he must like fast-paced and rhythmic stuff.
Yeonjun. Soobin is thinking about Yeonjun again. Soobin shakes his head.
“No. I won’t text him. What the fuck,” Soobin says, and Odi is looking at him intensely. It's too much, so Soobin stares down at his Gojo T-shirt instead. There’s a tear near the hem that is asking to be patched up, because Soobin wears this to bed two days a week.
“You can’t just say that.” Soobin turns his attention back to Odi. “I don’t care for him,” Soobin whispers as Odi twitches in his hands. The pads of Soobin’s fingers rub against Odi’s belly, so soft and light and warm.
“Shut up, I was just… looking out for him. He seems so upset about the entire thing and Wooyoung was just… he didn’t seem to care, y’know,” Soobin says, and he rubs his nose with Odi’s for a second, before petting it and pouting. “Fine. Maybe I empathize with Yeonjun. I’m a simple guy. I see a helpless being and I have this urge to help. Are you happy now?”
Odi just stares at Soobin with those big, blank eyes. “You talk too much, Odi. Appa is going to put you back in your cage. No more pettings for you,” Soobin says as he lowers his hand and Odi runs back to his pouch.
Down the streets, there are a few shouts floating to his window, and Soobin peers his gaze outside to find a couple linking their arms as they tumble in love. He shifts his eyes back to the room and then the flickering light bulb above his head, and wonders what love would taste like on the tip of his tongue.
Yeonjun would probably know, because he's Yeonjun. Yeonjun has always been so loud in love. Soobin remembers the smiles Yeonjung and Wooyoung exchanged during lunchtime, once, and how they linked their arms together so perfectly. A habit. An affinity. Yeonjun covered his mouth as he giggled, and ran his fingers through Wooyoung’s scalp as he hit Wooyoung’s bicep, just gently. Sometimes, Soobin wishes that someone could look at him like that, with a twinkle in their eyes and a smile lingering on their lips, ready to crash into his chest and plant a kiss on his cheek. Just gently. Like how Yeonjun kissed Wooyoung.
It’s a silly thought, because Soobin just doesn’t think about other people’s relationships. They are messy and they cost Soobin too much of his mental capacity, and for a brief second Soobin thinks about his parents and their silenced conversations, and how it contrasts to Yeonjun and Wooyoung’s loudness when they were in love.
He grabs his phone on the nightstand and stares at the saved contact that reads FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN. He drafts a message, just a small one, and rolls over and hugs his dearest, softest Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai Sakurajima Mai 50cmx160cm Hugging Body Double-sided Pillow and shoves his face into Sakurajima Mai’s boobs, because Soobin really needs a little comfort right now. He just did something stupid.
His message to Yeonjun reads FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN. Soobin sighs, again. Fuck you, Choi Yeonjun, indeed, for infesting his mind.
❀
“Fancy seeing you here again,” Soobin smiles saccharinely at Huening Kai, and then turns to both Beomgyu and Taehyun, who are pretending not to acknowledge each other’s existence. “Seems like our table only gets bigger. What happened to Let’s stop having lunch together, hyung?”
“I was just afraid that no one will sit with you once I leave,” Huening Kai says, and before Soobin has a chance to settle to his seat, Huening Kai reaches out and steals his banana.
“Touching,” Beomgyu says and squints his eyes as he scans the cafeteria. “But guess who’s sitting alone today. Wooyoung.”
“What does this have to do with me,” Soobin sighs, picking up his chopsticks and tossing a piece of kimchi into his mouth.
“Oh right, I forgot you didn’t care for Wooyoung. His boyfriend, on the other hand…”
They are not boyfriends anymore, Soobin wants to say, but he has already made a promise. Soobin blinks and he does a habitual glance around the cafeteria, and his stomach sinks as there’s no familiar gelled black hair tainting his vision.
“Oh my God.” Beomgyu mumbles over his bento box. The rice balls are shaped like pandas, but they are very sad pandas nonetheless, as if whoever made it had chewed the seaweed and puked it out, and then used the remnants to make bears using Five Nights at Freddy’s as their reference. The sausages look nice though, crispy around the edges. “Oh my God… Yeonjun… He’s wearing a skirt.”
“I do not–” Care. Soobin does not care. But he stops mentally critiquing Beomgyu’s bento box and traces Beomgyu’s gaze. “Wait. What?”
“Yep,” Beomgyu says, flicking his head, and Soobin finds Yeonjun standing two tables behind him. Beomgyu was right. Yeonjun is wearing a black skirt and another cardigan that is too large for his frame, checkered and fuzzy and slipping on his shoulder blades. His skirt floats a little above his knees, and Soobin’s mouth dries at the expanse of smooth skin. Today, Yeonjun didn’t gel his hair, the strands soft and fluffy and Soobin is going crazy because he has this sudden urge to run a hand through it.
“Fuck. He’s really hot,” Huening Kai says. “He’s getting sexier by day.”
Soobin swallows. A lump has taken up in the column of his throat, and he reaches for his water to flush it down. It doesn’t go away.
“Why the fuck would he wear that to work?” Soobin grumbles. He turns back to his lunch as heat creeps to the back of his neck. “I fucking hate creatives.”
“Wow. Someone is getting hot and bothered over this,” Kai smiles, and he peels his… Soobin’s banana and takes a big, large bite. Soobin needs to start loving himself and find better friends.
“God. He’s so hot. I want him to rail me against a copy machine," Beongyu coos.
“I–” Taehyun suddenly bursts in, and Beomgyu whips his head so fast that he might have a concussion. “I do not think Yeonjun hyung wants to rail men who do not know when to shut up.” Taehyun chimes, and the corner of his mouth edges up in a smirk.
“What the fuck,” Beomgyu groans. “What kind of men does he wants to rail, huh? Men who go to the gym just to take selfies?”
“Obviously,” Taehyun smiles. “Men who take good care of their body and pack panda-shaped bento boxes for you.”
“Well,” Beomgyu says. “I don’t think Yeonjun hyung wants to rail men who keep score when they finally do something nice for you once.”
“Oh really?" Taehyun's voice raises a little. "Well, I do not think Yeonjun hyung wants to rail men who refer to their penis in third person and call it their Jigglypuff.”
“Fuck you! I don’t think Yeonjun hyung–”
“Hey guys,” a familiar voice creeps up behind them. “...I think I heard my name?”
“Oh fuck,” Huening Kai mumbles, and Soobin doesn’t have to turn around to know who’s standing behind them. “Sorry hyung,” Huening Kai says. “Taehyun and Beomgyu hyung were in the middle of their sexual roleplay. Just, you know, their usual stuff. Nice skirt by the way.”
Beomgyu’s and Taehyun’s faces are as red as ripe tomatoes, and Yeonjun flits his gaze between them, and then Soobin curiously. Soobin tries his best not to make it obvious that he’s staring at Yeonjun’s legs, because Soobin is trying to figure out whether Yeonjun shaves them and oils them. God, they're so smooth.
Yeonjun smiles, and he puts his lunch tray on the table, and Soobin tries his best to focus.
“Do you like it? I’m trying to experiment more with clothing and gender.” Yeonjun flashes a smile, and he does a little spin. The skirt edges up to his mid-thigh, and Soobin can’t peel his eyes away.
“Hyung, close your mouth,” Beomgyu scoots closer and whispers to his ear, and Soobin quickly wipes his lips with the back of his hand.
”Oh my God! Me too, Yeonjun hyung,” Beomgyu says as his face blooms in a smile. “I’m trying to grow my hair out and start wearing more feminine clothes. Do you wanna give me any tips?" Beomgyu says, and Soobin can see his mouth quirk up sadistically, and Soobin knows Beomgyu is up to no good.
"Actually, do you wanna join us for lunch today?” Beomgyu coos, staring at Soobin momentarily before grinning at Yeonjun. Soobin is positive he's going to strangle Beomgyu.
“Would you guys mind?” Yeonjun asks, peering at Soobin, but Soobin ignores Yeonjun's presence because….because…. Yeonjun looks kind of pretty today. In a skirt and all bubbly like that. Yeonjun’s face pinkens as the sun harbors in the highs of his cheeks, finding solace in his skin. “I don’t want to make you guys uncomfortable.”
“Just say that you are specifically referring to me,” Soobin finally says, and he scoots closer to Beomgyu as he makes space for Yeonjun. “No. Why would I be uncomfortable? I don’t care about you or your stupid skirt.”
“Hyung, be nice!” Beomgyu smiles, and he turns to Yeonjun and the heat continues to creep down to Soobin’s spine. They really need to replace the AC. “Sorry, Yeonjun hyung, this one has a mean mouth, but he’s all bark and no bite. I swear.”
Soobin’s forehead creases, because that’s not entirely true. If Yeonjun asked him to bite, he wouldn’t mind going down the table and taking a piece out of Yeonjun’s thigh, because… because… Yeonjun would scream and it would somehow make Soobin happy? Yeonjun flutters his eyelashes, and he gently perches up to the empty space next to Soobin, his skirt rising up a little as his face blushing red. Soobin’s heart is jumping out of his chest.
Yeonjun shoots him a smile as he lifts up his skirt slightly. The skin is pale and smooth, cool to the touch, and Soobin wonders how it feels to have his face submerged in them. Soobin has big hands, and suddenly there’s this urge to visualize how big they are against Yeonjun’s delicate thighs, gripping and leaving marks on them. Fuck. Soobin really needs to concentrate on his lunch. Right. Bibimbap.
Up close, Yeonjun doesn’t smell like cherry blossom and baby powder and vanilla. He smells like laundry detergent and some sort of a flower, probably jasmine, and it’s kind of sick. Soobin gulps, and he crosses his legs because…..he…..is…..kind…..of…..aroused? “Haha,” Soobin says, and he knows his face is red. He can feel it in his cheeks. “Of course I don't bite. Don’t listen to Beomgyu.”
Soobin thinks he’s going to die. No. Soobin is positive that he is going to die. He hopes all his friends show up for his funeral. Taehyun can have Odi, and Kai can have Soobin's entire Jujutsu Kaisen collection, including the rad Gojo T-shirt that Soobin wears to sleep two nights a week, even when Kai probably won’t appreciate it, anyway. And for Beomgyu, Soobin will leave him nothing.
Yeonjun glances at Soobin underneath his bangs, and he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. Soobin’s eyes follow the movement, again, because there’s a certain charm to Yeonjun when he does that. He quickly looks away when Yeonjun notices.
“It’s nice to know that not everyone is that enthusiastic about you,” Yeonjun winks and licks his lip, and Soobin remembers what Beomgyu said about Yeonjun’s oral fixation. Soobin isn’t totally staring at Yeonjun’s mouth right now, because he's not curious. Not one bit. “You make me want to try harder, sexy,” Yeonjun’s hand lingers at the hem of his skirt, and Soobin is seeing stars.
❀
At five thirty, Soobin pulls out his phone and stares at a familiar contact for a while, until the pixels burst behind his eyelids. He sighs, and before he has the chance to put it back in his pocket, a shadow looms over him and knocks on the surface of his table.
“So? Still going out for drinks tonight? Namjoon said his team is coming, too.”
“Ah, hyung,” Soobin scratches the back of his neck. “I need to…”
“Take your hedgehog on a walk? Play fetch with your hedgehog in the park?” Jungkook scoffs. “Soobin, one of these days you need to let loose, dude. Have some fun.”
“Uh… I’ll join this time,” Soobin says, and he tries not to roll his eyes in front of Jungkook.
“That’s my dongsaeng,” Jungkook taps his back, a bit too rough that Soobin almost slumps forward and smashes his face into the monitor.
“Wooyoung. You coming?”
And when Wooyoung nods with enthusiasm, Soobin picks up his phone and drafts a text. All Soobin needs is a little push, anyway.
17:45 Soobin
> Wooyoung is coming to the drinks tonight. You going?
17:46 A FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN
> uhhhhhh
> maybe. namjoon hyung is on my ass for skipping last time
> he needs to stop hanging out with jungkook hyung its bad for me and my mental health
Soobin scans over the text, and bites against a smile.
17:46 Soobin
>That makes two of us
> I don’t want to see your stupid face
17:46 FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN
> my pookie wookie cutie patootie is always so sweet to me :3
> wait. you coming too?
17:47 Soobin
> I promised Jungkook. I hate hoesik so much.
17:48 FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN
> yeah babe we can tell lmao
Even when texting, Yeonjun is still as flirty as ever, and Soobin tries not to throw his phone across the room. Soobin wonders if Yeonjun talks to everybody like this, tricking them into thinking that they are the only one on his mind.
But then Soobin's mind drifts to the shatter in Yeonjun's eyes the other day, and how he has looked so... different. So unsure, and un-Yeonjun, and Soobin sighs as he bites his bottom lip.
17:49 Soobin
> Would you be okay?
17:49 FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN
> why would i not be okay?
17:49 Soobin
> Wooyoung?
17:50 FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN
> right. whatever
> you coming right? i can look at your pretty face and then he won't be a bother lol
> you can distract me sexy :3
Soobin huffs. He throws his phone on the table and blinks, blowing his bangs out of his face. Behind the fake plant, Wooyoung gives him a look.
“Soobin-ssi. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Soobin smiles, and picks up his phone again as he changes the contact from FUCK YOU CHOI YEONJUN to yeonjun. Just Yeonjun. Because Soobin is not fixated and he doesn’t harbor any intense feelings toward Yeonjun. “Ah, just telemarketers.”
❀
Most days, Soobin can’t stand his job, and he can’t stand his neighbor who keeps having sex at 4 a.m. on the weekend, not because it’s an unfortunate time to have sex, but because Soobin hates it when other people are having fun. Most days, Soobin can’t stand Yeonjun, but today. Today Soobin can’t stand Beomgyu because of his stupid fucking mouth. Because ever since Beomgyu opened that can of worms, Yeonjun’s stupid, pink, and hateable mouth has become even more stupid, pink, and hateable, and Soobin can’t focus.
“What are ya staring at?” Yeonjun says, his words slurred. And instead of pouring his drink into a cup like a normal person who has empathy towards Soobin’s mental state, Yeonjun wraps his pink, glossy lips around the soju bottle and sucks on it because he likes to drive Soobin insane. Under the dim yellow light of the restaurant, Yeonjun’s lips glisten and beam, and his skin flushed with a pink glow. Soobin loosens his tie as he pours soju into his own cup. He’s not drunk enough for this.
“Nothing,” Soobin says, and there’s a leg caressing his calf underneath the table. Yeonjun is so close, his body pressing on the side of Soobin's waist and his breath lingering, tingling Soobin’s skin.
“You look pretty today, sexy,” Yeonjun whispers into Soobin’s ears, unaware of Soobin’s very own jelly stomach (and his rock……..solid…..crotch). Yeonjun tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, his other hand travelling on the small of Soobin’s back.
“I look pretty every day, thank you very much,” Soobin groans as he downs his own drink. The sweet lingers around his throat, but Soobin wishes it was Yeonjun’s mouth instead. Soobin has serious problems. He should quit his job because Jungkook is terrible and his friends are terrible and Yeonjun is terrible.
Yeonjun pouts. “Ya know, usually when I say that, people compliment me back.”
“I’m not like others,” Soobin says, and he eyes Wooyoung who is sitting at the far end of their table, and then back at Yeonjun. Yeonjun doesn’t give it a second thought as he continues to wrap his pink, flushed lips round the bottle, and when he tilts his head back as he drinks, Soobin can’t help but devour the sight. Because Yeonjun looks like he’s filming a soft porno, and Soobin is kind of drunk.
“I know. Because usually other people like me,” Yeonjun wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and Soobin’s eyes linger. “It’s rare to see someone that hates me this much.”
“Then I don’t think my opinions about you matter much,” Soobin presses his lips into a thin line. “I’m just some guy.”
“Yeah. But I hate that I keep trying,” Yeonjun says, his voice small, and this catches Soobin’s attention.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Yeonjun covers his mouth as he giggles, and this time, Yeonjun's leg travels upwards. His hand travels to Soobin's waist and sneaks underneath his shirt, pressing into Soobin’s flesh, sending a shot of electricity up Soobin’s spine.
“I like the attention anyway," Yeonjun says. "It’s like… at least I get some sort of reaction instead of receiving nothing in return, ya know?”
“I don’t pay attention to you. You’re annoying.”
“Really? Because I remember you checking up on me this evening.” Yeonjun pouts, and he flutters his eyelashes as he scoots closer. His breath smells like peppermint, with a hint of grape.
“Was not.”
“You’re a bad liar,” Yeonjun says, his breath hot against Soobin’s skin. Soobin can feel the beginning of a kiss, but he tries to ignore it. “It’s all in your face.”
“I see the way you look at me, Soobin,” Yeonjun says. Yeonjun just can’t seem to shut the fuck up, and digs his hand deeper into Soobin's waist as he leans forward, his words ticklish against Soobin's ears. “You want me.”
“Yeonjun, you are drunk,” Soobin says and he fights against a blush. The corner of Yeonjun’s lips curls up in a smirk, his other hand dropping the soju bottle and pulling Soobin’s tie. Their foreheads crash together, and Soobin does a cursory glance around the table in case someone notices, but everyone is shit-faced drunk at the moment. He lets out a sigh of relief.
“So you’re not denying.” Yeonjun’s words continue to take over the space. Yeonjun really has no shame, and Soobin is contemplating banging his head against the nearest wall.
“Denying what?”
“That you want me,” Yeonjun says, his hand crawling up Soobin’s back and he fists Soobin’s hair, pulling on it lightly. There’s a light tug on Soobin’s arm, and the next thing Soobin knows, Yeonjun has placed Soobin’s fingers between his thighs, and Soobin gulps as he plays with the hems of Yeonjun’s shorts, feeling up the smooth skin. The smirk on Yeonjun’s face deepens as he licks his bottom lip, and Soobin can’t help but trace Yeonjun’s tongue darting back and forth, wondering how it would look like swiping up and down the length of Soobin’s cock. Soobin is so fucked.
Soobin can feel the heavy stare from Wooyoung's seat at the far end of the table, and the lingering tension in the air. “Wooyoung is looking,” Soobins whispers, and he presses his nails harder into Yeonjun’s skin until there are faint pink marks. A possessive touch that Soobin has always wanted to do. Yeonjun’s thighs are smooth and cool, and he shivers underneath Soobin's touch.
“Okay, distract me, Soobin," Yeonjun says. Yeonjun’s face is flushed, and because he likes attention, he scoots closer to Soobin so that he’s basically straddling Soobin’s lap, his ass sinking deeper into Soobin’s hardening cock. Yeonjun turns around as he flutters his eyelashes, mysterious hints glinting in his eyes.
“Soobin… have you ever been with a guy before?”
“Many,” Soobin says, and he wraps his hands around Yeonjun’s waist as he presses Yeonjun deeper into him. “But I haven’t been with a bitch though.”
That elicits a faint giggle, and Yeonjun lifts a hand to cover his mouth. “Okay. Let’s get out of here.”
Soobin nods, and he blames the alcohol. Either way, he has always been a simple man.
❀
When they get back to Yeonjun’s apartment, something in Soobin flips. It must be all the pent-up energy from watching Yeonjun from afar, he thinks.
“What a fucking slut,” Soobin says as he pins Yeonjun against the door, fingers hooking underneath Yeonjun's chin as he forces Yeonjun to look into his eyes. “Driving me insane. You want everyone at the restaurant to know how much you want to be fucked and filled, huh?”
Yeonjun doesn’t say anything, closing his eyes as his breath quickens. His face flushed, and a bead of sweat rolls on the high of his cheek. Soobin presses him deeper into the door, and he tucks one leg in between Yeonjun’s thighs and presses up, feeling Yeonjun’s cock twitching underneath the fabric. “I asked a question. Don’t be a bitch.”
“Yes,” Yeonjun surges forward and whispers into the crook of Soobin’s neck, biting a mark there. “I– I want you. I want to be fucked and filled by you.”
“Good boy,” Soobin smiles, and he grabs Yeonjun by the waist as he navigates the layout of Yeonjun's apartment in the dark.
“First room on the right,” Yeonjun whispers softly, and it drives Soobin even crazier as the usual Yeonjun, loud and confident, is now replaced by a pliant mess, all shy and coy in Soobin’s hold.
When Soobin finds Yeonjun's bedroom, he kicks the door open and sits on the bed.
"Get on the floor," Soobin says, and Yeonjun does. He kneels in front of Soobin and Soobin spreads his legs open. There's a storm outside, and thunder hits the sky and lights up Yeonjun's face. His hair is a mess, tousled and fluffed up, and his mouth parted open as he stares up at Soobin, gaze risqué.
“I heard how much of a fucking slut you are for sucking dicks,” Soobin says as he presses Yeonjun’s face in between his thighs. “So put that mouth into good use.”
Yeonjun looks so pretty like this, face flushed and mouth opened and eyes half-lidded, and he mouths Soobin’s erection and licks the fabric of Soobin’s pants. In a swift and practiced movement, Yeonjun unbuckles Soobin’s belt, shoves Soobin's pants down and slants forward, licking Soobin through his briefs.
“Fuck,” Yeonjun mumbles against the fabric, and Soobin can feel the heat from Yeonjun's mouth, and then the leaking of his own cock. Yeonjun palms Soobin through his underwear, eyes glistening with want. “You’re so big. I can’t believe you have been hiding this monster underneath your nerd clothes.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Soobin groans as he pulls Yeonjun’s hair back momentarily, before rubbing Yeonjun’s face against his erection again. “I told you to put that mouth into good use.”
“Yes, sir,” Yeonjun says, and when Yeonjun pulls Soobin’s briefs down, he lets out an audible gasp. “Fuck. It’s perfect,” Yeonjun says as he strokes Soobin's erection slowly, and darts his tongue across his bottom lip. Soobin smirks.
“C’mon. I have heard good things about your little mouth,” Soobin lifts Yeonjun’s chin up, and he can see the drool pooling at the corners of Yeonjun's lips. “Slut.”
Yeonjun doesn’t wait any second. He wraps his mouth around the tip of Soobin's cock, giving it a few gentle, light sucks before hollowing his cheeks and bobs his head down Soobin's length. And Beomgyu was right, that mouth is crazy: it's so large and it takes no time to engulf Soobin whole. And each time Yeonjun swirls his tongue around Soobin's shaft, Soobin ascends to heaven, tilting his head back as he thrusts further into the warmth, his hands roaming Yeonjun’s hair.
When he peers down, Yeonjun looks so fucked. Soobin doesn’t understand why he got Choi Yeonjun on his knees, moaning and milking his cock, but he likes it nonetheless, for him to be able to ruin Yeonjun. “So pretty. So obedient. Do you want me to come?”
“Yes, sir,” Yeonjun mumbles between breaths, taking a tiny break before working his mouth up and down Soobin’s length relentlessly. Spit drips down to Yeonjun's chin, glistening, and Soobin's head spins as Yeonjun massages his balls. When Yeonjun releases his cock with a tiny 'pop', a trail of saliva dribbles at the corner of his mouth, and Soobin’s eyes can’t peel off the sight. Yeonjun's breath hitches as he continues sucking on Soobin’s balls with a little more force, and it feels so good. Warm and wet. Soobin is losing his mind.
Even when Soobin is sensitive there, he tries not to let out a moan because that means Yeonjun wins, so he tilts his head back as he grumbles, pressing the tip of his cock on a side of Yeonjun’s face, smearing spit around. Streetlight stretch beyond the curtains and oranges Yeonjun’s skin, and for a second, Soobin is mesmerized, before he gathers himself as he tugs harder on Yeonjun’s hair.
“Look at you,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun takes Soobin's cock in his warm and wet mouth again, enlarging his jaw to accommodate Soobin’s size, and Soobin can’t stand it anymore. He holds Yeonjun’s hair in place as he starts rolling his hips, fucking into one side of Yeonjun’s cheek first and then his entire throat, roughly, but slow enough for Yeonjun not to choke on it. “Look at your gag reflex, you have been training yourself huh?”
“Slut,” Soobin laughs, and he thrusts one more time until he deflates, resting his back against the mattress. Yeonjun doesn’t miss the opportunity as he slumps forward, milking out all of Soobin's orgasm. When Soobin finally steadies his breaths, Yeonjun is licking his lips as a trail of cum adorns the corner of his mouth, and Soobin, even when tired and drunk, can feel his erection coming back again.
“One more time?” Yeonjun bats his eyelashes.
“You’re fucking crazy,” Soobin laughs, but when he pulls Yeonjun to his chest, the tug is gentle, as if they were almost lovers. “I have a better plan for you.”
“Fuck me?"
“If you want me to fuck you, you have to earn it,” Soobin says, and he reaches out for the lube on the nightstand and smears it over his fingers as he shoves Yeonjun’s pants off. Yeonjun’s breath quickens against the crook of Soobin’s neck, and Soobin wraps his hand around Yeonjun’s waist as their heartbeats tangle in a dance.
“Not yet,” Soobin whispers into Yeonjun’s ear. “Not tonight, but let me take care of you,” Soobin says, his fingers circling around Yeonjun’s hole and Yeonjun moans into his ear like a slut that he is. “How could you want me to fuck you even when you can barely handle this? Do you think you can take my cock?”
“Please, I need your cock in me,” Yeonjun whispers against Soobin’s collarbone, and Soobin stops his movement.
“No more begging, or else,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun presses his mouth shut. “Good boy, now just lie there.” Soobin grabs a handful of Yeonjun’s ass as he pushes his digits in, one by one, slowly working Yeonjun open. Yeonjun clenches and twists around his fingers, and when Yeonjun deflates, Soobin pushes one more in, ears strain to drink the moans eliciting from Yeonjun's mouth. It’s so soft like this, just the two of them, and the thunders outside.
“Take my fingers just for today,” Soobin says as he tucks a strand of hair behind Yeonjun’s ear, because he has always wanted to do this. “And I’ll let you take my cock anyday.” In a heartbeat, Soobin flips Yeonjun to get Yeonjun on all fours, before dipping his fingers back into Yeonjun’s warm hole, his other hand stroking Yeonjun’s cock.
Yeonjun looks so beautiful, like this, all stretched out for him, and Soobin can feel his erection hardening again. He could go for another round even when he is drunk, but it’s more fun not giving Yeonjun what he wants, because Soobin likes it when Yeonjun is put into his place. Soobin slaps Yeonjun’s thighs as he forces Yeonjun to open them wider, and he pushes and twists until Yeonjun squirms, head throwing back as he's succumbed into a broken mess.
“Ah, there, right,” Soobin laughs, spitting on his hand as he jerks Yeonjun’s off, slow and tight.
“Too much. Fuck,” and when Soobin halts, Yeonjun looks as him, eyes flooded with desire. “No, don’t stop. Keep going. Faster.”
“Aren’t you a bit too impatient?” Soobin laughs, but he secretly likes it. He likes the way Yeonjun wants him and screams his name. He likes the way Yeonjun breaks for him. For him only. He slams his fingers deeper, and accelerates his pace, and when Yeonjun’s legs melt into jelly as he slumps forward, Soobin knows he has won.
“You cummed all over the sheets,” Soobin says, and he flips Yeonjun over as he scans the room. “Where are the towels?”
“In the closet,” Yeonjun mumbles, eyes closed, and Soobin scurries off to get it as he dabs the sweat on Yeonjun’s face. Yeonjun's face is still flushed, hair sticking to his forehead, and Soobin brushes it aside. He doesn't forget to let his fingers linger around Yeonjun's jawline, admiring the bone.
“Tired?”
“Hmmp,” comes Yeonjun's reply. Eyes still closed, Yeonjun tugs at Soobin’s wrist and pulls Soobin to his chest, before drifting away.
It must be the alcohol, and the remnants of sex, Soobin tells himself. Because Soobin stares at Yeonjun for a while, eyes dizzy, heart rumbling against his rib cage, debating on a kiss.
❀
Soobin wakes up in the middle of the night, quivering as there’s a soft breathing against his chest, and it takes him a minute to orient himself.
This, this is not his room.
“Ah,” Soobin looks down to see an armful of Yeonjun, and memories start kicking in. It’s still dark outside, the rain rumbling outside alongside with Yeonjun’s breaths, the ticking of the clock fluttering softly above them. Soobin stills, before he tries to peel Yeonjun from his arms, and slowly rises up from the bed.
In a daze, Soobin searches for his pants, but a voice creeps up behind him. “Are you hungry?”
“What?” Soobin’s heart is stumbling all over the place. “Uh. No– I’m leaving?”
“You don’t need to?” Yeonjun’s voice is lilt with surprise. “You can stay here. My bed is big enough.”
“But–” Soobin racks his mind to find an excuse, but to no avail. Yeonjun's bed sounds nice. It's warm, and Yeonjun is also another source of heat. “I–”.
“No buts. My house, my rules, and I’m not letting you leave at three in the morning in this weather, despite how much you hate me,” Yeonjun groans, and Soobin wants to say that it’s not very true. He doesn’t hate Yeonjun, he just thinks Yeonjun is… different. Soobin hasn’t always been good with differences. “Do you want to eat anything?”
“Uh, are you just saying that because you are trying to be nice?”
“Well, if you interpret it like that,” Yeonjun says, and there's a slight crack in his eyes, and Soobin’s knots find their ways back to his stomach. “Whatever. I’m going to make food anyway.”
“Uh,” Soobin says, and he jumps back as a bolt of lightning tears the sky in half.
“Looks like you’re trapped here with me for tonight,” Yeonjun laughs, and he tosses his blanket off and gets out of the bed. Soobin tries to focus on his feet because Yeonjun is still naked and the bruises that Soobin leaves on his skin are so beautiful. And he swallows a dryness that has been forever stuck in the column of his throat.
“Then I guess I’ll clean your fridge then," Soobin gives in.
“I literally do not have anything in my fridge,” Yeonjun shrugs and throws on a white tank top that hugs his waist snugly, and Soobin feels the tinglings in his eyes. “Uh, you fuck with ramen?”
“Yeah, that will do,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun lingers around the door as he shifts his weight between his legs.
“You should… you should put on something,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin jostles as he hugs his chest in a newfound self-consciousness. Yeonjun’s face is still so flushed, pink gloss gleaming each time the thunder strikes, and Soobin is glad that the rain has somehow muffled the knots in his stomach.
“Here,” Yeonjun throws him a set of pajamas and slips out of the door, and Soobin drapes the clothes over his skin as he inhales. Fabric softener, and the lingering of a flower, jasmine. It’s made of silk, and it looks brand new, because all of Yeonjun’s clothes seem like they’re freshly purchased from the store, a contrast to Soobin’s ratty T-shirts that he wears to sleep.
When it gets too quiet, Soobin slowly scans the room. In the corner, there are a set of houseplants of which the leaves resemble the skin of a snake, varying in shades of greens. These are the candles that Yeonjun likes to use, probably, considering the dents. These are books that Yeonjun likes to read, fashion magazines mixed in between stacks of Doraemon comics, and suddenly Soobin wonders if they’re that much different at all.
Yeonjun’s table is set against a wall of posters, mostly Western artists that Soobin has seen on television, but he never remembers the names. On top of it scattered a few initial sketches, and a scale model that is still being built.
Near the window, there is a green rocking chair with signs of use, paint frayed, color muted. Soobin has wondered how many times Yeonjun has sat on it, rocking back and forth as he watches thunders light up the city in the distance.
It’s too intimate, and as if Soobin was staring at a piece of Yeonjun’s life unwrapping before his eyes, shot by shot and it’s beautiful, but Soobin isn’t supposed to know. Because this is all too personal. Soobin closes his eyes and he thinks about cooking tins and sewing supplies, and he wonders if he belongs here.
❀
“Jin ramyun, really?” Soobin makes a face as he enters the kitchen, and Yeonjun jostles and slowly returns to his sluggish movements, back still facing Soobin. “We all know Shin is the better brand.”
Outside, the storm has subsided. The city is muted, save for the pitter-patter against the window, and the sizzle of the pot.
“I was in a Jin ramyun advertisement once,” Yeonjun smiles, and he turns off the heat as he brings the pot to the dining table. Tendrils of hair stick to one side of his face, and his neck, and Soobin lets his eyes linger on Yeonjun’s collarbones.
“Jin is superior. Shin is too spicy and you literally can’t taste anything. It burns your tongue,” Yeonjun says, and he hands Soobin a pair of chopsticks and a small bowl. Yeonjun takes off the lid of the pot, and flops down to the chair as he curls one of his leg up. “What?”
“Nothing. You’re just weak,” Soobin says, and he thinks he might have been… intensely staring at Yeonjun’s biceps. Soobin huffs and takes the seat opposite from Yeonjun, grabbing a bowlful of noodles. “I didn’t expect you to be so passionate about ramyun.”
“I’m passionate about everything,” Yeonjun says, and his face crinkles as he fidgets in his chair. “Ouch.”
“Huh?”
“I’m sore,” Yeonjun says, his face reddening as he presses his lips into a thin line. “Shut up.”
“I didn’t even say anything.”
“Your thoughts. I can hear it.”
“You’re delusional,” Soobin smiles, and it’s weird to fall into friendly banter with Yeonjun, like this. “I haven't even fucked you.”
“I can’t believe I let a man manipulate me,” Yeonjun says, but his tone is light-hearted. “Literally in my own house, and in front of my delicious ramyun.”
“Wouldn’t call Jin delicious anyway,” Soobin says, and he laughs to himself because they can’t just agree on something as simple as instant ramyun. Yeonjun’s face crumbles as he slurps obnoxiously. It’s kind of cute, Soobin thinks, when Yeonjun gets annoyed, his face flushed and his cheeks huffed. And...
Oh. Fuck.
Soobin’s chopsticks clash against the table because… because he just thinks Yeonjun is cute, or more accurately, Yeonjun’s annoyed face, and the heat rushes to Soobin’s cheeks. He quickly picks his chopsticks up, and takes a bite of his ramyun while Yeonjun peers at him curiously. It's too hot, so Soobin spits the noodles out and blows air out of his mouth, sending Yeonjun into pearls of laughter.
“Do you want hyung to feed you?”
“Don’t fucking remind me,” Soobin says, and takes his time and blows carefully on his ramyun, before taking a bite. Suddenly, Soobin is hyper-aware of his surroundings; the light above too piercing his eyes, and he tries not to focus on Yeonjun's face. Soobin hasn’t been in this intimate proximity with another person before, and his stomach churns and twists as Yeonjun covers his mouth as he lets out a chuckle.
“What’s so funny?”
“Your face.”
“What’s wrong with my face?” Soobin says. “I think it’s pretty.”
“It is,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin hates the fact that Yeonjun doesn’t disagree with Soobin like he wanted. Because now Soobin can feel the heat creeping to his neck, and then it spreads to his ears, too.
“I can't stand you,” Soobin groans. “I shouldn’t have gone home with you.”
“You can’t resist me, baby,” Yeonjun says, and this time he rubs his feet up and down Soobin’s calf, again, like what he did at the restaurant. His eyelashes flutter and his mouth quirks up in a smirk, and Soobin wonders if Yeonjun does this to every guy that he thinks is pretty. Did he do this to Wooyoung, too? Or Beomgyu, sly touches and secret smiles and knowing glances, and Soobin’s stomach twists and churns.
Soobin brushes that thought away. He must still be drunk.
When they get under the covers, Yeonjun curls up next to him. Yeonjun’s body is so warm, his tank top lifting up as his stomach presses against Soobin's body. Soft skin that is irresistible, and Soobin bites back on his urges. Yeonjun throws his arm over Soobin’s waist, and Soobin wiggles under the weight.
“Can you not?” Soobin says.
“Sorry. I’m used to it,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin wonders if he’s being mistaken for Wooyoung, or to Yeonjun, Soobin is just another body that will keep him warm tonight.
It’s a silly thought. Not like Soobin cares, anyway.
“Soobin,” Yeonjun’s voice is a murmur against the rain outside.
“Huh?”
“Is that true?”
“Is what true? Can you come to the point?”
“That,” Yeonjun takes a breath, and he presses his finger to Soobin’s cheek, playing with Soobin’s dimple. A blunt needle poking against Soobin's skin. The rain murmurs against his ear, tangled with Yeonjun's breathing, and Soobin steals another look at Yeonjun to find that Yeonjun’s big, curious eyes are peering at him.
“Is it true that you will give me your cock any day?” Yeonjun says, voice shaking.
Soobin chokes on his spit as he laughs. Soobin seems to say the most unhinged things when he’s horny, and it’s biting him back in the ass. “Like I said. It depends on whether you deserve my cock or not.”
“Can’t believe I let a man lie to me.”
“In your own house, on your own bed?”
Yeonjun pouts and he flips around. “Fuck you and good night,” he says softly. Soobin stares at Yeonjun’s back before Yeonjun’s breath steadies, and hooks an arm around Yeonjun’s waist as presses into Yeonjun’s neck a kiss.
Soobin doesn’t know why he did that, because this is Yeonjun out of all people and Soobin doesn’t really care for him. Soobin's heart jumps out of his chest as he quickly turns around, and mushes his face into the blanket. It’s a good thing that Yeonjun had already drifted to sleep, then, so no one bore witness to this kiss. It will be Soobin’s secret.
❀
“Oh my God,” Beomgyu chimes as he slots his legs into the lunch table. “There is gonna be another storm today. And on my way home my pants are gonna rip on the metro and the entire Seoul is gonna know that I have a horse cock.”
Soobin cocks an eyebrow, and Huening Kai stares at Beomgyu funnily, while Taehyun just slowly munches on his food.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Huening Kai asks.
“Ah. Context,” Beomgyu says, a smug grin finding its way on his face and nestling onto his cheeks, “Soobin hyung had sex. It’s bad luck.”
“What?” Huening Kai’s eyes widen. “How the fuck you know everything around here?”
Beomgyu flicks his head towards Soobin’s collarbones, and Soobin unconsciously pulls up his shirt to cover the hickies. Fuck Yeonjun and his pink, stupid, hateable mouth.
“Mosquitos,” Soobin feigns a cough. “They hatched eggs after the storm.”
“These mosquitos seemed very passionate,” Beomgyu glares at Soobin’s direction, and he blows his bangs out of his face. “Hyung, that is such a high schooler excuse.”
“I am a high schooler,” Soobin says, and Taehyun looks at him with his big eyes and his big empathy, before stealing an octopus sausages from Beomgyu’s bento box and staring at Beomgyu, who is enjoying his distorted panda.
“Hyung, I’m still in shock,” Huening Kai mumbles, “you play League of Legends and you own a Bunny Girl senpai pillow. With her tits out and everything. I can’t believe you got laid.”
“One of you bitches gave me said pillow,” Soobin says, and he scoops a spoonful of katsudon. “But that doesn’t cancel out the fact that I’m tall and attractive and blessed with dimples, thank you very much,” Soobin says, and he wonders if Yeonjun found him attractive, too.
Yeonjun is sitting at a table with the guys from Finance today. The jocks of the office, because the social hierarchy in corporate offices is not that much different from the social hierarchy in high school. Changbin, head of Finance, drops his arm on Yeonjun’s shoulder, and Yeonjun nuzzles in the crook of his neck. The sight makes Soobin want to puke, and he hates Yeonjun for having that effect on him.
“Seriously, who would fuck you?” Beomgyu says, and Soobin groans because they would have seen the way Yeonjun squirmed underneath him anyway. Not like that matters, because Soobin thinks Yeonjun would be embarrassed to admit that they fucked.
“Why don’t you care about who would fuck you, Beomgyu?” Taehyun barges in.
“Lots of people, mind you,” Beomgyu says as his glare intensifies. Yeonjun is still laughing into Changbin’s neck, and Soobin wonders what’s so fucking funny. He has talked to Changbin before, and his jokes are mediocre at large.
“Everyone wanna tap a piece of this ass.” Beomgyu’s voice brings Soobin back to reality, and Soobin picks up a piece of pork cutlet with his chopsticks, before dropping it back on his tray.
“Is the ass in the room with us right now?” Taehyun says, and Yeonjun is twirling a strand of hair while feeding Changbin a fry. Soobin's stomach drops, and his throat feels dry. He reaches for his water as he tries to focus on his lunch.
Out of the corner of his eyes, Kai shoots him a curious look, and Soobin reminds himself that he should be Soobin, so he pushes his Yeonjun-induced thoughts to the back of his mind. He reaches over and slaps Beomgyu’s neck.
“Do you guys need a condom?” Soobin says, and Beomgyu yelps as Huening Kai laughs, but the joke didn’t taste the same on his tongue today. Discomfort has taken residence inside the column of his throat, and no water can subside it anyway. When Soobin glances across the room, he catches Yeonjun staring at him, before drifting his eyes away.
❀
Soobin settles into his cubicle as Jungkook tiptoes around his seat.
“So,” Jungkook starts, a folder clutched tightly in his hand.
“Fine,” Soobin sighs, standing up and taking the folder from Jungkook’s hand.
“I love how you stop fighting back and start accepting your fate.”
“Right. It’s not like I have an option anyway,” Soobin says as he presses the elevator. A month ago, he was still holding his breath every time he stepped foot on the 8th floor but now, Soobin thinks he has started to like it. He likes how the elevator emits a small sound and shakes as it gets up. It’s quiet in here, and Soobin tries not to think about black gelled hair and skirts and clean, shaven legs.
When it opens, Soobin spots Yeonjun in an instant, as if Yeonjun's back had invisible magnets attached to it. Soobin makes his way toward that direction, and throws the folder on the table before he even gets there.
“Here,” Soobin says and Yeonjun spins his chair around, legs crossed.
“I love your enthusiasm every time you see me,” Yeonjun says, cradling his chin in his hand, and propping his weight on the armrest. From his angle, Soobin can see Yeonjun's nipples peeking out beneath his cardigan clearly, and unlike the other times before, this time, Soobin stares, because he has seen worse, and he wants Yeonjun to know that he can see through Yeonjun’s intentions.
“Like what you see, baby?”
“Mhh,” Soobin says, and shifts his gaze back to Yeonjun’s eyes to find that they are filled with desire. Yeonjun is driving him crazy, and Soobin has this urge to pin him down and make him shut up. “Maybe if I saw your asshole.”
“Soobin,” Yeonjun hushes. “We’re at work.”
“Oh. So now you’re shy.”
Yeonjun presses his lips into a tight line. His cheeks are red as he avoids Soobin's gaze and tries to find the right words to say. Soobin's head spins, because it’s so cute.
“Fuck you,” Yeonjun says. “Meet me at the copy room on the 12th floor in fifteen.”
“What are you going to do?” Soobin says, and Yeonjun rises to his feet so now he can whisper into Soobin’s ear.
“I’m going to eat your ass,” Yeonjun says.
“I’d love to see you try.”
The copy room on the 12th floor is always vacant, tucked in a corner with old, loud, and bulky machines that make way too much noise and are always out of color ink. Terrible place to print. Wonderful place to fuck.
Soobin pins Yeonjun against the door as he seizes Yeonjun’s chin, capturing Yeonjun in an open-mouthed kiss, too much tongue and too much teeth, but it’s alright, because Yeonjun likes it rough anyway. He unbuttons Yeonjun’s cardigan in a haste and throws it either on the floor or the copy machine next to them, and carves his fingers onto Yeonjun’s spine as he plays with Yeonjun’s sensitive nipples.
“This outfit is making me insane,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun trembles beneath his fingers. “It’s fucking cold outside and you still wear clothes like this? What a fucking slut.”
“Ah,” Yeonjun says, and he flashes a side of his neck for easy access, and Soobin kisses the column of Yeonjun's throat. He fists his hand in Yeonjun’s hair and shoves Yeonjun on the floor, and unbuckles his pants and tosses it carelessly.
“Eat my ass,” Soobin says, and the corner of Yeonjun’s mouth edges up, because Yeonjun is crazy and he must enjoy this. Yeonjun finally moves, and he turns Soobin to face the door and pulls his briefs down.
“Fuck,” Yeonjun says, and he grabs a handful of Soobin’s ass as he starts giving it a few spanks, sending a shoot of electricity up Soobin’s spine. “So soft. So squishy. And you have been keeping this away from me?”
“Shut the fuck up,” Soobin says, and squirms as Yeonjun gives him cheek another slap, before smoothing the skin with his palm. Soobin arches his back as the satisfaction takes over every cell of his body, and covers his mouth as he lets out a moan.
“Let me hear you, baby,” Yeonjun says, and he spits on Soobin’s asshole and bites the back of Soobin’s thighs. Soobin’s legs melt into jelly, and he forces his weight on the door as he pushes himself up. Yeonjun works fast, because he’s impatient as fuck, and licks around Soobin’s hole and then shoves his tongue in, wet and warm and Soobin’s walls clench. Yeonjun buries his nose into the crack, and mashes his face into Soobin’s asscheeks, and Soobin wonders how long Yeonjun’s tongue is, because the sensation is spreading all over his being.
“Fuck,” Soobin quivers, and Yeonjun stops for a second to spit on his hand and loops it around to jerk Soobin off. Occasionally, he places a few kisses on Soobin’s thighs and butt, and dips his long and slender fingers into Soobin’s hole, fucking him open.
“God,” Soobin groans, and he tilts his head up because he’s sensitive as fuck. No one has ever eaten him out before, and it’s a new feeling. Exciting. Different. Whole.
“It’s Yeonjun.” Yeonjun's laughter echoes to Soobin's ears, and Soobin wants to tell Yeonjun to shut the fuck up but his prostate is being attacked again. His hole clenches and twists around Yeonjun's nasty tongue and fingers, dipping in and out of him relentlessly. “Do you have lube? I want to fuck you so bad.”
“I don’t carry lube around. I’m not a whore like you,” Soobin says, and as Yeonjun laughs Soobin rocks his hips back as he fucks Yeonjun’s tongue from behind. Yeonjun’s grip on his cock is tighter, faster, and Soobin can feel his orgasm under the pads of Yeonjun’s fingertips.
“I’m gonna cum,” Soobin says, and he doesn’t care that he didn’t last, because they all need to go back to work and Soobin doesn’t have time to fuck around. He comes on Yeonjun’s fingers, and he doesn’t wait to turn around and lifts Yeonjun up from the floor, quickly shoving Yeonjun’s fingers into Yeonjun’s mouth and forces Yeonjun to taste his cum.
“You’re fucking sick,” Soobin says, and he unbuckles Yeonjun’s pants as he get down on his knees and takes off Yeonjun's shorts. “Oh, lingerie, huh?”
“Uh.” Yeonjun’s face is flushed red, and he sucks on his fingers as he looks at Soobin, eyes half-lidded. A bead of sweat runs down on his temple and he takes short, panting breaths, and Soobin likes it when Yeonjun looks wrecked, like this. His cock is leaking all over his blue, lacy panties with ruffled edges, and Soobin’s brain shuts down. “I thought you would like it?”
“You are such a whore. I haven’t even fucked you yet and you are going around wearing lingerie to impress me,” Soobin says, and fights back against a smile as he takes Yeonjun’s lingerie off with his teeth, freeing Yeonjun’s pinkened cock in the cold air of the copy room. He sucks lightly on the tip of Yeonjun’s cock, before swiping all around his length, softly sucking on Yeonjun's balls, too, and Yeonjun whimpers as he lets out a pathetic moan.
Soobin’s phone vibrates somewhere in the room, so he stops mid-action as he scrambles for it, and checks the caller ID. Jungkook.
“I need to take this,” Soobin says, cocking an eyebrow and maintaining eye-contact with Yeonjun, and Yeonjun pouts. “Behave, okay? And maybe I will consider fucking you.”
Yeonjun closes his eyes and nods, and Soobin spits on Yeonjun's cock before picking up the phone. He swirls his tongue around the tip, carefully not to make any noise, and waits for Jungkook to speak first. “Soobin?”
Soobin smiles, and he releases Yeonjun's cock and he starts to jerk Yeonjun off with one hand, slow and tight. It reds with the desire to come, but unlike Yeonjun, Soobin likes to take his time. It’s more fun this way.
“Yes, hyung?”
“Where are you?” Jungkook says, and Soobin licks a trail up and down Yeonjun’s entire length as he racks his mind for an answer. In his grip, he can feel each tremble of Yeonjun’s body. Each twist and turn, and Soobin loves this feeling of being in control.
“Ahh. I’m still on the 8th floor,” Soobin eyes Yeonjun knowingly, and puts his fingers into his mouth before smearing it all over Yeonjun’s cock. “I’m discussing with Yeonjun-ssi about the new project opening in Gangnam, right Yeonjun-ssi?”
Soobin says, and he raises the phone in the air as he lifts Yeonjun’s cock up to suck on his balls, and Yeonjun lets out a small whimper, before steadying himself and taking the call. “Y-yes. Y-yes Jungkook hyung! It’s– I’m showing Soobin-ssi the scale model right now.”
Good boy, Soobin mouths, and he takes the phone from Yeonjun and nestles it behind his shoulder blade and his ear as he feigns a cheery voice. His two hands wrap around Yeonjun’s cock as he works Yeonjun to orgasm, gaze fixated on Yeonjun’s face. God, Yeonjun looks so good, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple as his eyes stayed shut, embarrassed from Soobin's touch and the phone call.
“Okay! Come back soon okay!” Jungkook says nonchalantly, completely oblivious to Soobin’s situation, and Soobin takes a gulp of air. “I need to talk to you about the approval of the commercial building near Hangang Park."
“Of course, hyung,” Soobin says saccharinely, before turning off his phone and takes all of Yeonjun’s length in his mouth. He hollows his cheeks and works as fast as he can, drinking all of Yeonjun, and his whimpers, his moans.
When Yeonjun finally comes, he tilts his head back as he lets out the filthiest, the most beautiful sounds, and Soobin swallows his cum. His face crumbles at the bitter taste, and he wipes the mess with the back of his hand.
Soobin stands up, hooking his arms around Yeonjun's waist as he waits for Yeonjun to regain this breathing, and scrambles the room to find Yeonjun’s clothes and his own, trying not to look at Yeonjun in the eye because… because now reality has kicked in and Soobin is kind of embarrassed. He just got Yeonjun off at work while being on the phone with one of his seniors.
In a swift movement, Soobin pins Yeonjun against the door, again, his hand finding his way to wrap around Yeonjun’s neck, because this might be Yeonjun's fault that Soobin does crazy things that he’s not very proud of. And now Soobin’s stomach is now in a constant state of being twisted in knots.
“Next time,” he whispers into Yeonjun’s ears. “Next time I’m going to fuck you so hard until you can’t walk. But you would like it, wouldn’t you? Because you’re a fucking slut and you like being used,” Soobin takes a breath, and he stares at Yeonjun dead in the eye. “You should fucking watch out, Choi Yeonjun.”
And Soobin opens the door and leaves.
When Soobin finally gets back to his floor and settles into his seat, he flashes Jungkook a smile and questions his own morals. Soobin instantly regrets all of his life decisions. Why did he come to this company. Why did he become an architect. Why was he born. Why.
Fuck my life, Soobin whispers under his breath as he pops a piece of gum in his mouth to wash down the cum, and tries not to think about Yeonjun’s flushed face or his blue lingerie, or the curves of his body when he tilts his head back as he cums.
❀
What they have is an equal exchange, because Yeonjun gets to use his mouth as much as possible and Soobin… Soobin gets to annoy Yeonjun. Drive him up and spit on him. Tug his hair and fuck his mouth. It’s a win-win situation, except Soobin doesn’t like to think that he’s letting Yeonjun win, but then the twinkle in Yeonjun’s eyes after every sloppy blowjob makes Soobin give up for a second. Soobin, at his core, has always been a simple man.
“It’s like,” Yeonjun says, catching his breath. His hair is in a disarray, and he wipes the remnants of sex off his lips. “You’re weirdly good at this.”
“Thanks,” Soobin says as he buckles his belt. He runs a hand through his own hair because he knows he looks like a mess, and fixes the collar of his polo shirt.
“You do this a lot?” Yeonjun licks his lips, and he flicks his gaze back and forth between Soobin's face and the tiled floor.
“Fucking around at work? No,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun’s cheeks dust pink.
“No, hooking up in general.”
“Uh, I guess, here and there,” Soobin says. By here Soobin means the copy room, and by there Soobin means Yeonjun’s house, because he doesn’t fuck anywhere else.
“You seem to have quite some… practice.” Yeonjun’s face is flushed. Soobin does not, really. He just has a gifted imagination, and Jujutsu Kaisen fanfiction kind of helps.
After Soobin is sure that he looks half-decent, he combs through Yeonjun’s hair, because he has tugged on it quite mercilessly and he feels bad. Yeonjun’s stumbles backward, a little breathless, and Soobin hooks an arm around his waist to secure him.
“Sore again?” Soobin cocks an eyebrow. “And you think you can take this cock?”
Yeonjun's face is a beautiful sight, because Yeonjun looks like he would rather bang his head on one of these machines rather than meet Soobin’s eyes, and Soobin's arousal is rising up again. Fuck. He lets go of Yeonjun and licks his lips, before walking out of the room.
“See you, uh, tomorrow," Soobin says awkwardly, and fans his face because of the heat.
“Okay,” Yeonjun’s voice is small.
They don’t meet up besides this, because they’re not friends. Just two people who try to kill time at work. Nothing more. But sometimes Soobin would find himself scan around the cafeteria for a familiar gelled black head, and something in the pit of his stomach twists and turns if he finds Yeonjun nestling against Changbin’s neck, again, or any fucking guy from Finance, really. And it makes Soobin lose his appetite, for some reasons that he obviously doesn’t know why.
❀
“Can I sit here,” a familiar voice creeps up behind him, and Soobin can even recognize it when he closes his eyes. It grinds and grates against Soobin's eardrums, but somehow, Soobin finds his stomach unclenches as an awkward laughter vibrates to his ears.
“There’s no more seats,” Soobin says, but then he scoots over and pulls his tray aside. “Go and sit with the Finance guys.”
“Ooh, looks like my baby is jealous,” Yeonjun says, his voice stretching out at the end, and it’s fucking annoying. Soobin doesn’t bat an eyelash, instead focusing on his lunch, grabbing a piece of kimchi and tossing it in his mouth. In the corner of his eyes, he can see Beomgyu peer at him curiously, and it takes Soobin extra effort today to swallow his food.
He can feel Yeonjun settling next to him, and the usual jasmine and laundry detergent linger in the space between them Soobin’s gums are dry.
“Yeonjun hyung,” Huening Kai says, “I like your new hair.”
Soobin does not care, but he still peeks under his bangs to find out that Yeonjun has dyed his hair pink. Pink. It looks kind of stupid, like cotton candy, fluffy and sweet, and Soobin suddenly has this urge to taste Yeonjun’s hair like he’s some sort of a dog.
“Your skirt is super cute!” Beomgyu coos, and Soobin flits his gaze down to discover Yeonjun’s bare legs, his skirt floating to near his crotch. The skirt is pleated, and it probably falls to Yeonjun’s knees, judging by the amount of fabric, but Yeonjun has to drive Soobin insane and pushes it up as he eyes Soobin knowingly.
A few faint bites are sewed onto his skin, and Soobin’s face is so warm because he knows for sure that he was the one who left them there, alongside nail marks digging into Yeonjun’s smooth, milky skin. Fuck. Maybe Soobin is some sort of a dog. He’s going crazy.
Soobin crosses his legs again, because of his… arousal, and heat creeps to the back of his neck because how the fuck Yeonjun can go around looking this insane. If he wants to be bent over and fucked, he could have just asked Soobin.
“Thank you, Beomgyu,” Yeonjun says, and a hand creeps under the table to rub Soobin’s thigh, up and down. Yeonjun scoops a spoonful of rice and chews loudly, and Soobin's eyes follow the movements of his lips.
“Soobin hyung,” Kai whispers, and Soobin drops his spoon.
“Oops, sorry,” Soobin smiles, and he tries not to focus on Yeonjun’s hand on his leg as he shifts his gaze back to Kai. “Right, so where were we?”
“Movie night this Saturday,” Kai rolls his eyes.
“Right,” Soobin says, and he steals a glance at Yeonjun and his stupid hair and decides that maybe it’s not very stupid. It’s quite cute actually, and it goes well with Yeonjun’s skin. Soobin suddenly has this urge to thread his hand in Yeonjun’s hair and fluff it up, and then maybe knead Yeonjun’s cheeks while he's at it, too, because that would annoy Yeonjun and Soobin would be happy.
“Yeonjun hyung,” Beomgyu says, and he eyes Soobin with a knowing smile. “Do you have plans this Saturday? Do you want to join us, too?”
“Uh,” Yeonjun says, and suddenly he removes his hand from Soobin’s thigh underneath the table, and Soobin misses the warmth. It must be because of the sudden drop in the temperature outside, autumn leaves falling off tree branches in an attempt to change. Soobin clutches his sweater tightly.
“Are you guys all going to be there?”
“Yep. At Huening Kai’s new place. We're just gonna hang out and like, watch a movie or something,” Beomgyu says, his voice uncharacteristically cheery, and Soobin tries to strangle Beomgyu with his gaze. “But we're gonna grab something first, and it’s gonna be super fun.”
Yeonjun shifts his gaze to Soobin’s face. “Are you okay with me being there?”
“I don’t get why you're asking for my permission,” Soobin says. “They invited you,” Soobin continues to munch on his lunch, before he finds the missing spot on his thigh uncomfortable, and sneaks a hand underneath the table and tugs Yeonjun’s arm and puts it back on the missing spot, because Yeonjun is warm and this feels better. A smile blooms on Yeonjun’s face, and suddenly Soobin’s head is dizzy, as if the Earth was spinning too fast.
“I’ll come then.”
“Great,” Soobin says, nonchalant. “And I’ll go print some documents in the copy room.” He stands up with his lunch tray, and runs out of the cafeteria before the heat can find its way back on his face.
❀
Of course Yeonjun gets the memo, because he barges into the door fifteen minutes later, his lips crashing onto Soobin.
“Want this,” Yeonjun moans as he shoves his tongue down Soobin’s throat, and Soobin lifts a hand to tug on Yeonjun’s pink hair, like he has wanted. It felt nice, the strand still soft and bouncy but now there are some dryness that clutches on the touch, but Soobin doesn’t mind. His other hand sneaks under Yeonjun's skirt and grabs the back of Yeonjun’s thigh, and he squeezes the skin until Yeonjun whimpers underneath his touch.
“Why the fuck would you wear this to work? Do you want to be fucked that bad?” Soobin mumbles as he grabs a handful of Yeonjun’s hair and pulls, and smiles when Yeonjun shivers into his mouth. His hand travels higher, until he comes into touch with Yeonjun’s lace panties. “Of course, slut.”
“Soobin,” Yeonjun moans, and Soobin flips him over as he pins Yeonjun to one of the copy machine. He lifts Yeonjun’s skirt up, and pulls Yeonjun’s panties off to his mid-thigh, because today Soobin is running low on patience. Soobin reaches in his back pocket for the condom and the pack of lube that he has been keeping around, just in case, and Yeonjun squirms as Soobin squeezes one of his asscheeks.
“Do you think you deserve my cock, Yeonjun?” Soobin whispers into Yeonjun's ear as he smears the lube on his fingers, and he can feel his own cock pulsating against his briefs. Saying Soobin is excited is an understatement, he has been waiting for this moment since the first time he saw Yeonjun in a skirt.
“Fuck,” Yeonjun groans as he arches his back because he is a slut like that, even when Soobin hasn’t even slipped his finger inside. “You don’t need to. I already touched myself in the morning.”
“Fucking slut,” Soobin groans. “Can’t even fucking wait,” Soobin says as he pushes three fingers in at once, because Yeonjun is impatient and Soobin is also on edge, too. Yeonjun’s hole twists and clenches against Soobin's fingers, and pushes them deeper until he finds Yeonjun’s sensitive spot. Yeonjun's body twists in half as he can barely hold onto the machine, his breathy moans suffocating the room.
In a haste, Soobin pulls down his pants and gives his cock a few strokes, before tearing a condom with his mouth and sliding it on. He squeezes a hefty amount of lube on his cock, because even when he's excited, he still doesn't want to hurt Yeonjun. Soobin slides the tip inside of Yeonjun, testing the waters. He knows he is big, but Yeonjun is already ready for him, back arched as his nails scratches into the machine, moans cascading down his mouth as Soobin pushes a bit deeper.
“Fuck, so tight,” Soobin says as his cock tries to make space in the heat that is Yeonjun’s hole. He should have stretched Yeonjun better, he knows, but based on the smug grin on Yeonjun’s face, Soobin knows that Yeonjun likes it like this, so he takes his time as he pushes his dick in, feeling Yeonjun's walls expanding to accommodate his size. When Soobin’s dick has entered Yeonjun fully, Soobin starts moving, slow, but with certainty, and Yeonjun breaks underneath him.
“Faster,” Yeonjun moans, propping his weight on his hands as he turns his head around, his eyes glossy. Soobin has had enough, so he tugs both of Yeonjun’s hands behind his back as he finally starts picking up the space, vision fragmenting into stars as his cock disappears into Yeonjun, in and out again. He can feel every drag of his cock against Yeonjun’s walls, warm and tight and it's too much. Beads of sweat roll down his face as he tries to gather himself and picks up his movement; he still needs to satisfy himself.
Underneath him, Yeonjun is a mess. Tendrils of hair stick to a side of his cheek, and his face flushed pink as he presses his mouth to contain his moans. Pleasure spreads all over Soobin’s system as he fucks down on Yeonjun harder, faster, and tears pool in the corner of Yeonjun’s eyes as he lets out muted gasps here and there. Yeonjun starts moving his hips and with each thrust, he fucks himself deeper into Soobin, and Soobin can make out the sounds of his hips slapping into Yeonjun’s ass.
“You like to be stuffed that much, huh?” Soobin says, hooking an arm over Yeonjun's body and starts stroking Yeonjun’s cock, and Yeonjun tilts his head back from the stimulation. It’s a beautiful sight, and Soobin drinks Yeonjun up and down with his eyes, before looking away momentarily as he chases his own orgasm, thrusting deeper into Yeonjun. It doesn't take long for Soobin to lose it, and he looks up to the ceiling as he lets out a loud groan, his body deflating. When Soobin is done, he folds his body on top of Yeonjun and starts tightening his grip on Yeonjun’s cock, accelerating his pace.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Yeonjun moans, and it takes a few more tight strokes until Yeonjun cums in his hand. Soobin quickly reaches for his pants on the floor and digs his hand into his back pocket for a piece of tissue to wipe his fingers, and then tosses it to the trash.
Soobin ties the condom into a balloon and throws it out, too, not bothering wrapping it in a piece of paper to spare the eyes of the people who might come across this later. Soobin flips Yeonjun over so now he can look at Yeonjun in the eye, and brushes a strand of hair out of Yeonjun’s face before pulling Yeonjun’s underwear up, not caring that there is still cum leaking out of his cock.
“Do you think you can go back to work like this?” Soobin says, and he kisses Yeonjun’s nose because… because... Yeonjun looks quite nice like this. Wrecked and ruined and all shut up. “Sorry for messing up your hair,” Soobin says, but he knows he's not really sorry.
Soobin pulls Yeonjun aside and tries not to focus on his state. His heart jumps out of his throat and dances all over the place. Soobin is such a mess.
“It’s alright,” Yeonjun smiles, and there’s a soft glow on his cheeks. After scrambling for his pants, Soobin slides them up, buckles his belt, and Yeonjun fixes his hair as he takes slow, steady breath, as if trying to calm his nerves.
“Uh… Soobin,” Yeonjun says, voice soft and melty and suddenly Soobin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. “Do you like my hair?”
“It’s alright,” Soobin says and he fixes his shirt, and licks his lips because they have gone dry.
“Is it pretty?”
“Do I need to answer that?” Soobin says, and something sinks in Yeonjun’s eyes, but Soobin tells himself that he should not care.
❀
Beomgyu’s definition of fun is a hole in a wall burger place tucked in a lousy street of Hongdae, where the light flickers above them and no one eats here except for a random guy sitting in the corner who can’t stop staring at them while polishing his butter knife against the table. Of course Beomgyu would be into this place. Soobin can clearly envision Beomgyu and Taehyun on a date here. They would fuck here too, probably, in a dirty stall in the bathroom and it would be the best sex in their entire life. It just fits their vibes.
“And then after we went home from the club, Soobin hyung got hospitalized,” Beomgyu says. Beomgyu, like Yeonjun, can’t seem to shut the fuck up, maybe that’s why they go together so well. “He got explosive diarrhea, can you believe? Turns out the bartender was trying to perform some sort of love ritual on him.”
“Hey, but the cocktail concoction was really good,” Soobin protests, and in the corner of his eyes he can see Yeonjun’s smile. “She put some sort of candies into it.”
“You told me it was green, and it looks like mud. It should have been the first warning.”
“It reminded me of Shrek mud bath," Soobin says, shoving two fries into his mouth to distract himself because Yeonjun is looking at him with the twinkle in his eyes again. "Like, how could I hold myself back?” Soobin mumbles, and Yeonjun laughs into his hand.
Under the flickering light of the restaurant, Yeonjun’s light is also a fickle thing, so Soobin strains his eyes so he can look at Yeonjun better. Just for a moment, before he resumes eating his dinner. Yeonjun is wearing eyeliner today, harsh dark lines contrast with soft pink hair tied up in a half-bun, and it’s… different. Nice different. Soobin hates that he likes it.
“Do you have to say stupid things all the time?” Yeonjun says, and he lightly taps Soobin’s shoulder. Soobin feigns annoyance, and Kai uses the opportunity to reach over and steal Soobin's fries.
“Are you talking about yourself?” Soobin says, and Kai chokes on his food because he was probably chewing too fast. Deserved. A blush paints Yeonjun's face pink, and he looks kind of cute trying to think of a proper reply, but he ends up reaching out and punches Soobin’s arm instead.
Soobin doesn’t flinch away. He just rolls his eyes and casually, grabbing a piece of Yeonjun's fries and shoves it into his mouth. And somehow, Yeonjun just lets him, so Soobin steals another one.
He tries not to think too much about it.
As they exit the restaurant, Kai steps to his side. “Hyung, what was that?”
“What was what?” Soobin groans. "You know I don't like it when you don't come to the point."
“You and Yeonjun.”
“What about us?” Soobin’s eyebrows knit together in a question.
“You guys were flirting,” Huening Kai’s tone rises up in accusation, and Soobin shakes his head.
“We were not. What are you talking about?” Soobin groans. “He was fighting with me the entire time.”
“Yeah, like how Beomgyu fights Taehyun,” Huening Kai says, “and we all know they’re just reenacting what they do in bed.”
“Stop,” Soobin says, and he elbows Huening Kai’s arm. “We did not. I told you already – we do not go well together.” It has always been his go-to excuse, but today, there’s something sinking in his heart, and he flicks his gaze to Yeonjun’s face as Yeonjun hooks an arm around Beomgyu’s neck, pulling Beomgyu closer and ruffling Beomgyu's hair. Yeonjun looks so carefree, like this. Soobin wishes Yeonjun could be this carefree with him. “Cookie tin and sewing supplies.”
“Hyung, you’re overcomplicating it.”
“I don’t,” Soobin’s eyebrows knit together. “I was putting things into perspective so it’s easier for idiots like you to understand.”
“Whatever. Your face… it's different when you're with him,” Huening Kai says. "You seem brighter."
Soobin scratches his neck, and he replaces every instance when he's with Yeonjun in his head. Whatever. Huening Kai must be seeing things. "I have no idea what you are referring to."
“You should start being honest with yourself.”
”I’m always honest with myself,” Soobin shrugs.
“Yeah, sure,” Huening Kai scoffs.
When they get to Huening Kai’s place, the sky has already darkened. A few streaks of white clouds scatter across the night, and Seoul blinks outside the glass window.
The couch is too small for all of them, so Taehyun and Beomgyu sit on the floor, and Yeonjun settles in between Huening Kai and Soobin, his head leaning on Huening Kai’s shoulder. It’s weird, because Soobin has touched the nastiest part of Yeonjun out of everyone in this room, and yet, Yeonjun still refuses to touch his hand in public.
Grips under the table. Kisses behind closed doors. That’s all Soobin gets, and Soobin pushes it to the back of his mind. He shouldn't pay attention to details like these.
“Whacha wanna watch?” Beomgyu chimes, and Soobin stops staring at Yeonjun's half-lit face, and flits his gaze back to the screen.
“Anything but romance,” Soobin groans. “I don’t care about other people’s relationships.” Soobin doesn’t think he can even solve his own relationships, per se, so it’s a waste of time watching people falling in love and falling out of it, anyway.
“No romance for me too,” Yeonjun says, lifting a hand as if he wanted to grab Soobin’s thigh, but then puts it back on his own lap. The tips of his ears are red. “I’m enjoying this single era.”
“You and Wooyoung broke up, hyung?” Beomgyu whips his head back in awe.
Yeonjun’s face crumbles as he fleets his gaze back and forth between Soobin and the screen.
“I thought you guys… know? Did Wooyoung not tweet about this?”
“Nope,” Beomgyu shakes his head. “No wonder you guys stopped sitting with each other at lunch. Are you going out with that guy Changbin then? The short buff one from Finance.”
Soobin gulps. Beomgyu has always been too observant for his own good. “No,” Yeonjun shakes his head. “I’m sort of seeing someone else,” he stares at Soobin. “I think? But I don’t think he likes me that much. The sex is good though.”
“Men are gross, hyung. Personally, they’re only good for sex,” Taehyun says, and glares at Beomgyu and then smiles sweetly at Yeonjun. “That’s why we should follow Soobin hyung's suggestion and watch anything but romance tonight.”
They settle on a horror movie, instead, and Soobin reluctantly agrees even when he’s a known scaredy-cat. But it works for a while, because Soobin can close his eyes and for once, he doesn’t have to look at Yeonjun, who is probably tucking his face in Kai's neck, too afraid to look at the screen. Because that, for some reason, upsets Soobin's stomach.
❀
Beomgyu bids Yeonjun goodbye by planting a wet kiss on his face, and he slides into the car as Taehyun takes the wheel, face annoyed.
The silence falls in front of Kai's apartment complex, despite the fact that Saturday is still at its peak somewhere beyond them, and Soobin checks the clock. It’s still ten, and the wind ruffles their hair as Soobin tucks his neck under his puffer jacket. Their breaths frost the air, and for a moment, Yeonjun doesn’t say anything, and this disrupts Soobin's mind, because Yeonjun is never quiet. Soobin wonders if Yeonjun still wanted to occupy this space together with him.
“So,” Yeonjun mumbles under his breath after what feels like an eternity. “It’s cold. Do you want to come over?”
“Why would I want to do that?” Soobin says, and he opens the passenger’s seat of his car and nudges Yeonjun inside. Yeonjun had come here by cab, and for some reason, begged Soobin to drive him home and Soobin just complied. “Get in.”
“Okay,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin sighs as he gets into his seat and takes a gulp of air. Streetlights spill into the window and shades of oranges paint a part of Yeonjun’s face, dipping on his cheek, and Soobin takes a proper, closer look, because he hasn’t had the chance to do it all night. Maybe Soobin has come to terms with the fact that Yeonjun is beautiful, and he can’t keep his eyes away.
“Stop staring at me like that,” Yeonjun says, turning his face away to face the window.
“Like what? Don't be vague."
“Like…” Yeonjun takes a breath, and he looks at the empty lot ahead. “Like… you don’t hate me.”
Soobin doesn’t hate Yeonjun, he wants to say, but Soobin has been used to the fact that Yeonjun thinks that Soobin hates him, so he keeps quiet. It’s also easier this way, because when Soobin is quiet, Yeonjun won’t know about his own Yeonjun-induced nervous state, and the ever-present dryness clinging to the column of his throat every time Yeonjun is near.
“You’re so annoying,” Soobin starts the engine. He thinks about the fries Yeonjun let him steal at the restaurant, and the smile persistent on Yeonjun’s face when Soobin glowered. “You’re aware of this, and yet, you keep making an effort.”
“Well, I want you to like me," Yeonjun shrugs.
Soobin laughs at the response. “Trying to make everyone like you isn't really how you should live your life, Yeonjun."
“No. Not everyone,” Yeonjun smiles, and as the car turns, Yeonjun’s eyes are soft and Soobin hates the way his stomach churns. “You. I want you to like me.”
“Good luck with that,” Soobin says, fixing his gaze on the road. “It’s not something that easy to do.”
“Well, I have always liked challenges,” Yeonjun says, like making Soobin like him should be the easiest thing in the world. “And I like how you are a tough cookie to crack.”
“What part of me is a challenge? I actually think I'm very simple." Soobin clears his throat, and he tightens his grip on the wheel.
“If you said so yourself,” Yeonjun says, and this time, he looks outside the window. Lights spill and fracture in the space between them and Soobin suddenly can’t see Yeonjun as clear anymore.
As they pull up to Yeonjun’s apartment complex, Yeonjun taps his thigh. He doesn't look Soobin in the eye, and instead, plays with his fingers.
"What?"
“So, are you coming up?” Yeonjun asks quietly.
And what should Soobin do? Say no? When everything he has ever wanted all night is to dig his hands in the warmth of Yeonjun’s skin and rub his nose against Yeonjun’s clothes because it’s cold and Yeonjun smells nice, jasmine and laundry detergent. So Soobin huffs and steps out of the car to open the door for Yeonjun and tugs at Yeonjun’s wrist.
“Fine,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun clashes into his arms and he finds a way to slip under Soobin’s puffer jacket, tickling Soobin’s stomach. It’s warm, so Soobin doesn’t push him away.
When they stumble into Yeonjun's bed, Soobin is mean to Yeonjun when Yeonjun enjoys it, squirming and moaning under Soobin’s touch as Soobin scratches his back, leaving marks.
“You want me so bad, don’t you?” Soobin whispers, and Yeonjun nods in lieu of words and Soobin pushes himself deeper into Yeonjun’s warm hole. When they both finish, Soobin collapses on top of Yeonjun after he wipes both of their stomachs clean. Yeonjun shuts his eyes as he steadies his breath, and then drifts to sleep.
Yeonjun’s face is lit by the moon outside, blue and gleaming like the snow dusting the window. Soobin catches his breath at the sight, and he slings an arm around Yeonjun’s frame, quiet and light and impulsive, like a cat getting on a stranger’s balcony. He doesn’t know why he reaches for Yeonjun’s body, he just does.
And because Soobin has no one to blame, he blames the winter outside that makes him nuzzle into the crook of Yeonjun’s neck, seeking for warmth.
❀
“Can you eat something that isn’t ramyun?” Soobin groans, and he mushes his face with his hands. “Especially Jin.”
“My house, my rules,” Yeonjun says, and struggles to submerge the two packs of square ramyun in the golden pot.
“This is why Shin is better, because you can’t fit a square into a circle.”
“You need to stop coming for me and my superior taste buds,” Yeonjun says, and cracks two eggs into the pot, covers it with the lid, and then turns around and sucks on his chopsticks. “Be grateful. Jin ramyun is the best winter breakfast.”
“How are you still alive?” Soobin says, and the hum of the coffee machine fills the room. “This… this is what you call breakfast? I’m surprised that your cum didn’t taste like battery acid.”
“Thanks for the review, sexy,” Yeonjun covers his mouth as he laughs, and Soobin has this urge to pull his hand away. “Eight out of ten?”
“Six and a half,” Soobin says.
“And you swallowed.”
“Don’t fucking remind me,” Soobin says, and the morning light shines on Yeonjun’s face and sleep clings to his face, and he looks so… pure. Soft edges and pale skin, hazy eyes, and Soobin looks away momentarily because of the light.
“Really? You seemed to really enjoy it last night, considering how well you slept,” Yeonjun smiles, and it’s still so bright, so Soobin stares at his hands. It doesn't make any sense, because daylight isn't supposed to be this harsh during these months.
Yeonjun turns off the heat, lifts up the pot and drops it on a piece of cloth on the dining table, and he hands Soobin a pair of chopsticks and a small bowl, just like last time. “Enjoy,” Yeonjun says and he pours himself a cup of coffee.
“You are fucking a menace,” Soobin glowers, and Yeonjun just shrugs as he folds one leg on his chair and eats his ramyun straight from the lid.
Silence, of course, is a foreign concept to Yeonjun who can never keep still. He slurps on his noodles, and swoons occasionally over his cooking, even when it's just noodles and eggs, and some sprinkled spring onions. Soobin just sighs as he pretends to put up with it, but once in a while, Soobin would steal a glance at Yeonjun, just to discover Yeonjun is staring straight back at him, a strange gentleness gleaming in his eyes.
He had imagined spending time together with Yeonjun would be… different, mostly because Soobin had thought there would be so much silence that he couldn't stand the weight of it. But Soobin was wrong, because there are always things to disagree with Yeonjun, and occasionally Yeonjun would let Soobin sit in still and quiet, while Yeonjun fills up the space of the conversations.
It’s not... that annoying, it’s rather intimate and treasured, really. There’s warmth bubbling in his chest, and Soobin wouldn’t mind spending his Saturday morning like this. Looking at Yeonjun’s sleepy face. Listening to Yeonjun rambling. Eating his least favorite brand of ramyun.
But then Yeonjun has to be Yeonjun, so he starts making farting noises with his armpits, and Soobin regrets all his life decisions that have led him to this point.
When they finish their meal, Soobin starts doing the dishes in the sink, because he has manners, and Yeonjun hovers around him like a lost puppy in need of guidance.
“Hey,” Yeonjun is extra skittish today. He ignores Yeonjun and squeezes dish soap in the pot, smearing it around with the sponge. “So…”
“Just come to the point."
“So mean," Yeonjun says, resting his chin on his hand as he peers at Soobin over the kitchen counter. "Are you free next Saturday?”
“No,” Soobin says, and he chuckles when Yeonjun pouts. Soobin has this urge to kiss it away, but they don’t do pecks on the lips, because that is... weird. They are not in love or anything. They are barely friends. “Why?”
“Someone gave me two tickets to the aquarium,” Yeonjun shrugs.
“Do you not have friends?” Soobin narrows his eyes.
“No, but I figure you don’t, so consider me doing charity.”
“I have friends,” Soobin says. “I have Beomgyu, Taehyun and Kai.”
“Well,” Yeonjun scratches his chin. “Beomgyu and Taehyun are busy fucking all weekend, and Kai is physically attached to his bed. So technically, you only have friends during the weekdays.”
Soobin sighs. Yeonjun is right. Soobin’s weekend consists of him rewatching the first season of Jujutsu Kaisen, petting Odi and staring forlornly at Sakurajima Mai’s cotton-stuffed boobs, while ignoring Beomgyu's texts because he has talked to Beomgyu enough at work. “And what do I get out of this?”
“I don’t know,” Yeonjun shrugs. “You get to spend time with me?”
“Sounds like a nightmare,” Soobin says, and he blanches the pot with water again, before resting it on the rack and dusting the residue off his fingers. “What time do we have to be there?”
“Whatever time is fine. It’s up to you.”
Soobin's gaze lingers at Yeonjun’s larger two front teeth as he smiles, and nods. Because Yeonjun's smile is pretty convincing, and Soobin is a simple man.
“Does noon work fine? I can’t deal with you too early in the morning. Also, don’t wear a fucking skirt. It’s cold.”
“Wow. Should I take this as you being caring towards me?”
"No," Soobin says, and a smile blooms brighter on Yeonjun's face. He doesn't cover his smile with his hand this time, so Soobin wants to tell Yeonjun that he is beautiful, but that is, also reserved for people who are in love.
❀
Soobin grabs a piece of sashimi and tosses it into his mouth, and he melts as the fish hits his taste buds.
“What are you looking at?” Soobin rolls his eyes, and grabs a piece and puts it on his sister’s plate, who just sighs.
“You seem… happier,” his sister says. “Are you in love or something?”
Soobin rolls his eyes. “It’s because noona is paying.” He reaches out for the takoyaki before his sister devours all of them. “Also, not everything has to do with being in love.”
“I always pay, and you’re never like this,” his sister narrows his eyes, and Soobin drums his fingers on the table as he flits his gaze to the passersby outside. Afternoon sun casts a soft glow on the snow, and filters through the rice paper screens, rubbing a pale yellow on half of her face.
“Soobin,” his sister sighs, “when are you going to stop watching anime and find yourself someone compatible?”
“You sound like mom,” Soobin says. “And she couldn’t even find someone compatible for her.” Soobin’s mind lingers on his dad’s cold shoulders, and he tosses another piece of sashimi into his mouth, before swallowing it too fast. “Anime is better than a partner. Anime doesn’t give you the silent treatment when they’re mad.”
“It’s going to happen to you,” his sister says, reaching over and patting Soobin’s hand. “I know. I’ve been there.”
“Are you going to overshare how you met Jihoon hyung now? Because I’m not interested.”
“Well,” his sister says, and Soobin wants to block his ears with his hands. “It’s just like every other love story. I didn’t believe in love until it happened to me.”
“You’re all sprinkles and fairy tales,” Soobin rolls his eyes. “I’m not like you. It’s not like… I don't believe in love. I’m pretty sure I’m not made for it.”
❀
“Jellyfish,” Yeonjun coos, and he floats around the space as a group of children almost bump into him. “Look at these jellyfish, Soobin.”
“I have eyes,” Soobin says, and he clutches Yeonjun’s arm so that Yeonjun won’t bump into people. Soobin might be a bitch, but he has manners. “I can’t believe you took me here just to see some jellyfish.”
“What do you mean some jellyfish. These are one of the biggest jellyfish tanks in the country. With special ambient lights to showcase the marine life."
"You sound like some of the reports that Jungkook forces me to read."
"I just think it's super cool," Yeonjun pouts, and blue bleeds from the light above to paint his hair a pale shade of purple. “I wish to be reincarnated as a sea creature in my next life.”
“Me too, because then you would shut the fuck up.”
Yeonjun's mouth's turns into an upside down frown, bottom lip protruding. And he sulks. “You’re so…”
“So what? Sexy. Kind. Gorgeous? Stop being vague,” Soobin says, gluing on Yeonjun’s side as he strides in front of the jellyfish tank. Jellyfish swell and deflate, silky balloons, dancers of the sea, and Soobin’s eyes widen as he traces the shape of a translucent, lavender jellyfish that blooms like a tiger lily floating up and down the tank.
“Pretty,” Yeonjun mumbles, and Soobin peels his eyes away to find Yeonjun is staring at him, an odd glint twinkling in his eyes.
“The jellyfish? They’re alright.”
“‘No, you,” Yeonjun says, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to say. Soobin fights against a blush, but it’s difficult because Yeonjun is so near and Soobin can make out the faint sounds of his breaths.
“Please shut up.”
“Normally people say thank you,” Yeonjun smiles, and he flutters his eyelashes. “Say it back?”
“No,” Soobin says, and he flits his gaze back to the jellyfish to distract his body from burning up. They’re emitting blue and white and all sorts of subtle glows, but none of their lights are as bright as Yeonjun.
“Ice cream in the winter is the worst idea,” Soobin says, and then he glances at Yeonjun, indignant. “But you don’t seem to ever have a good idea in your entire life.”
“Look,” Yeonjun turns to him, and his face pinkens against the white backdrop of the city. “The ice cream won’t melt because it’s cold, and you don’t have to eat a puddle of liquid after two minutes.”
“Right,” Soobin grits his teeth, and scoops a piece of vanilla ice cream and puts it in between his lips. “Except my body is cold, and now my teeth are also freezing.”
“You need a hug, baby boy?” Yeonjun coos, and he scoots closer to Soobin’s side and mushes his cheek into the crook of Soobin’s neck. It tickles, but it’s warm, so Soobin lets him.
“Don’t come near me,” Soobin says, showing no effort to push Yeonjun away. He wants to steal some of Yeonjun’s ice cream, but of course Yeonjun would order mint chocolate chips. “You smell like toothpaste, by the way.”
“You’re such a hater. Mint chocolate chip is the best flavor ever.” Yeonjun pouts, and he sits up as he takes a small bite out of his ice cream, and then shivering as a gust of wind ruffles his hair. "Want a bite?"
"No thanks," Soobin says. "I actually love myself, so you can have your mint surgical steel-sharp chocolate chip all to yourself."
Yeonjun chuckles, and Soobin is glad that Yeonjun's hands are occupied with the ice cream cup so he can't cover his mouth.
"I..." Yeonjun mumbles, and something catches the corner of his eye, and he frowns momentarily. "Wait, I think I saw..."
"What?" Soobin looks into Yeonjun's direction, but it's empty here, except for a customer in a big, white coat who is rushing out of the ice cream parlor and straight into the snow. Maybe Yeonjun is not the only crazy person who actually likes to get ice cream in the winter. Soobin shrugs.
“Wait… Nevermind," Yeonjun says, and he goes back to rubbing his head against Soobin's neck. This time, Yeonjun's mouth lingers on the skin beneath his jaw, and the dryness returns to Soobin’s throat. A snowflake lands on the tip of Yeonjun’s nose, and melts against his skin.
“Pretty,” Soobin whispers, and bites the inside of his cheeks when Yeonjun’s face lights up.
“Thank you?”
“I was talking about the snow.”
“Ooh,” Yeonjun says, but the smile blooms larger in his face. Soobin hates to admit that it’s also very pretty.
When they pull up to the house, Soobin lingers near the front door of the apartment complex while Yeonjun dusts the snow off his puffer jacket.
“I, uh, had fun. We should do this often,” Yeonjun says, and he narrows his eyes. “If you want.”
Soobin wants to say that he had fun, too, except when all they did was argue about ice cream flavors and jellyfish, but the arguments did distract him from the cold, so it was nice. He shifts his weight between his legs, and shoves his fingers deeper into his pockets.
“This is the part where you give me a forehead kiss,” Yeonjun says, and he stares at the sky while elbowing Soobin, face pinkened like a cherry blossom petal.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re–”
“Annoying?” Yeonjun smiles. “Yeah. You. All the time.”
“Fine. Whatever,” Soobin groans, and he pulls Yeonjun by the hem of his puffer jacket so that they’re chest-to-chest. Yeonjun is tall, but he’s still a bit smaller, and Soobin hates the fact that his lips are so close to Yeonjun’s temple, just a few breaths away. Soobin musters his courage and closes his eyes as he surges forward.
It happened quicker than he thought, just skin to skin for a brief second, and then the itchiness of Soobin’s lips at the lack of warmth. He clutches his hands as the cold returns to his lips, and spreads through his entire body, and Soobin’s teeth clench together.
“You happy?” Soobin says, and Yeonjun’s eyes gleam like a snowdrop. It's... really cute. His eyes are so pure and Soobin suddenly wants to kiss his forehead, again, just to see him like this forever. Soobin chews the inside of his cheek to stop the unconscious tug of a smile blooming on his face, but he thinks he fails.
“Very,” Yeonjun says, and he fists a handful of Soobin’s puffer jacket. “Thank you, Soobin.”
Soobin. Soobin likes the way his name rolls off Yeonjun’s tongue, because Yeonjun barely calls him by his name. Soobin. Just Soobin, simple like that.
Yeonjun's hands are red from the cold, shivering, and Soobin has this urge to shove them into his own pockets, so he does.
“Now you look kind of stupid,” Soobin rolls his eyes.
“Must you always be a bitch?” Yeonjun says, and he unstuffs his hand from Soobin’s pocket and lifts it up to cover his mouth as he giggles. It bothers Soobin, so he swats it away.
“Let me see.”
“See what?” Yeonjun whisper’s carries a hint of desperation.
“Nothing,” Soobin looks away, and when he thinks Yeonjun isn’t paying attention, he closes his eyes and takes a gulp of air, so that he can be a little brave. “Your smile." Because when Yeonjun smiles, Soobin can see his two larger front teeth better, as well as the crease of his eyes.
When he mustered his courage to look back at Yeonjun, Yeonjun’s mouth gapes open in a small ‘o.’ Soobin sighs, and massages the bridge of his nose. “This is the part where you invite me to come up and fuck your brains out,” he says, and in a moment of unsureness, takes a breath. “Unless?”
“Ooh, so that is all you want from me,” Yeonjun pouts, and he wraps his hand around Soobin’s wrist. “Anyway… Are you coming up?”
Soobin wants to disagree, because there are still so many things he wants from Yeonjun. Like the names of the plants in Yeonjun’s room, or the brands of his favorite candles out of the bunch. Soobin wants to know if Doraemon is Yeonjun’s favorite character in the entire series, because Yeonjun reminds Soobin of Doraemon a lot; face donned with smiles and pockets filled with surprises. Soobin wants to know about all the times that Yeonjun has sat on the green chair in the corner of his room, and the thoughts running in his head as he watches the city from above.
But Soobin has been brave enough times today, so he doesn’t say it aloud and just nods. He lets Yeonjun drag him through the snow-dust yard.
❀
Ever since a young age, Soobin has accepted the fact that no matter how hard a person tries, there are always people they cannot please. Just like how his mom can never please his dad, and vice versa. This is why on Monday, when he arrives at the office and Wooyoung corners him near the fake, spikey plant, he doesn’t faze.
“Stay away from Yeonjun,” Wooyoung says as his hands curl around his white puffer jacket. And Soobin just shrugs.
“Did he tell you to tell me that?” Soobin asks as his grip tightens around his coffee cup. It’s too early to discuss Yeonjun-related matters. But there’s really no right time to discuss any Yeonjun-related matters, anyway, because Soobin doesn’t want to talk about Yeonjun, per se. He only wants to think about Yeonjun. It’s safer that way.
“That’s none of your business,” Wooyoung says, and he crosses his arms and glares at Soobin.
“Dude. If you are jealous you can just start wooing your ex again,” Soobin says, nonchalant. “And also he’s not a child, so I don’t know why you are so possessive towards him. It's not cute.”
Soobin puts his coffee cup on the table in case his hand shakes. His jaw clenches as he turns his attention back to Wooyoung, who seems like he hasn’t gotten a good night's sleep for three days straight.
“Just…” Wooyoung sighs, and shakes his head. “Look, there’s nothing between me and Yeonjun. The breakup was mutual because we both fell out of love. We are friends, and I don’t think you are good for him.” Wooyoung says, and runs a hand through his hair, and Soobin’s chest twists and turns. He doesn’t understand why Wooyoung’s words drop heavy in his chest, because five months ago he wouldn’t care less about being good for Yeonjun.
“Friends,” Soobin’s tongue twirls around the word. “Then why is Yeonjun avoiding you?”
“Because… he doesn’t want to make it awkward considering he is seeing you, asshole,” Wooyoung says, and that somehow sours Soobin’s stomach.
Maybe Soobin was right. Yeonjun would be embarrassed to let others know that he’s seeing Soobin. Because Soobin wears beaten-up anime tees and he sits with misfits in the cafeteria and Yeonjun wears short, fashionable skirts and he hangs out with Finance guys. Yeonjun rarely touches Soobin in public, only reserving Soobin for closed door, and his mouth turns sour at the thought.
Soobin sighs, but he can’t crack, at least in front of Wooyoung.
“I think Yeonjun can make the decision of who he should hang out with and who he shouldn’t. Not like I care, anyway.” Soobin shrugs, and he flops down to his seat and plugs in his headphones. There is no music, so Soobin can hear Wooyoung’s angry huffs, and the fading footsteps as he returns to his cubicle.
The sun beams through the giant glass window and punctures his eyes, and maybe, Soobin cares a little bit about Yeonjun, and what Yeonjun thinks about him. Just a little bit, nothing more.
❀
“So… you and Yeonjun hyung, huh?" Beomgyu says. "Who could have known.”
“I knew it,” Kai screams into his face, and Soobin considers skipping lunch and jumping straight out of the window.
“What about me and Yeonjun,” Soobin says, slotting into his seat, indignant. Huening Kai leans over and grabs his portion of banchan, and Soobin thinks he really needs to find new people to sit with, except he doesn’t talk to anyone else at the company.
Beomgyu sing-songs. “Soobin and Yeonjun, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I,”
“You are embarrassing,” Taehyun leans over and blocks Beomgyu’s mouth with his hand, and Soobin nods to express his gratitude.
“I see,” Soobin nods. “Words travel fast around here.” The corners of his mouth edge up to a smile as Beomgyu finally chokes due to lack of breath, but then, Beomgyu is probably into that, so Soobin maintains his composure. “Yeonjun and I… We're just two dudes helping each other out in the copy room. Next question.”
“Except these two dudes also share an ice cream homoerotically,” Taehyun says as he sets Beomgyu's mouth free, and wipes Beomgyu's saliva on his shirt, face disgusted.
“We did not. I did not eat his mint chocolate chip ice cream," Soobin says, and then furrowing his brows. "Wait, but— how do you even know all of this?”
“Wooyoung saw you. It was his and Yeonjun’s favorite ice cream parlor and dude was being sentimental,” Taehyun says. “Obviously, dude ranted on Twitter so now technically everybody and their mother know.”
“That’s the least obvious way for you to learn about this.”
Taehyun shrugs and eyes Beomgyu. “I learned this against my will, clearly. I don’t know what’s going on most of the time.”
“Nothing is going on,” Soobin smiles as he scoops a spoonful of rice. “Trust me. I was helping Yeonjun out with a project. Y’know, the luxury buildings in Apgujeong. Yeonjun was asking for my opinions on the technical aspects of it."
“Do you really think we are buying any of that?” Beomgyu scowls, lifting his bowl to drink his stew. “This is not high school, and besides, you turn off your notifications outside of work. There's no way you're meeting with Yeonjun hyung out of all people to discuss something work-related.”
“And you clearly are the last person Yeonjun would ask for opinions,” Taehyun nods in agreement. “Hyung, honestly, you guys are like… apples and oranges.”
Something sinks in Soobin’s heart as Taehyun’s words, but he doesn’t let it spread to his face. “Ah, I don’t think we’re both fruits,” Soobin mumbles, feigning a smile. “We are more like… household objects. Cookie tins and sewing supplies.”
“Here you go again,” Kai groans. “Can we please stop comparing Yeonjun hyung to some random objects?”
“I was simplifying it,” Soobin says, but his heart sinks at the metaphor now, even when he was the person who came up with it. Soobin wonders if he and Yeonjun really belong together, or if they are just fundamentally different people.
“We just don’t go together. We don’t even agree on most things.” Like jellyfish and ramyun and ice-cream flavor, Soobin thinks. But that’s what makes Yeonjun interesting.
“Sexy,” Beomgyu coos. “I like it when all a guy wants to do is to fight me. It’s kind of homoerotic.”
“We can tell,” Soobin smiles, picking up a piece of meat with his chopsticks. “Like that time you sucked Taehyun off in the bathroom on the 3rd floor after you guys fought in the conference room. Y’know, after The Incident. I’m reporting you to HR, by the way, for workplace misconduct.”
“I am HR, and so is the rest of the table. And we know about your sexcapades with Yeonjun in the copy room on the 12th floor," Beomgyu says, a corner of his smile edges up in a sadistic grin, and Soobin shivers. "Worst place to fuck, by the way. It smells like fart in there and the air ventilation system is bad.”
It doesn’t smell like fart. It smells like jasmine and laundry detergent but Soobin couldn’t care less because when he’s with Yeonjun he can only focus on Yeonjun’s face. He blames his attention span. “Speaking from experience, aren’t we?” Soobin clicks his tongue. “Abuse of power comes as no surprise. Fine. Fire me,” he glues his hands together and pushes it towards Beomgyu. “You got me already.”
“If we get rid of you, there's no one to entertain us around here. You’re our personal investment.” Beomgyu's smile stretches further, reaching the tips of his ears, and Soobin thinks maybe it's time to hand in his resignation letter. Jungkook will probably be mad at Soobin, but Jungkook is only as half as scary as Beomgyu, so he will understand.
“We’re actually very glad that you’re finally getting some action," Beomgyu continues. "Congrats on the promotion, by the way! You’re now no longer a virgin.”
“Maybe I should go sit with the guys from PM for today," Soobin swallows. "Y’know, we have spent a lot of time together and I should get to know my teammates more.”
“Gotta love a king of avoidance,” Beomgyu licks the back of his spoon, smearing some gochujang on his lips. “You had a year to get to know them already. Yeonjun, on the other hand, how many months has it been?”
Soobin grits his teeth. “Three.” Five since the first time that Soobin has thought about the shape of Yeonjun’s mouth, and four since the day that Soobin has first had a proper conversation with Yeonjun. Three since that day that Soobin was debating on tucking a kiss in Yeonjun’s nape, just to fall asleep right after that.
“So you keep track,” Kai says. “So you like like him. So you’re smitten. Jungkook hyung was right all along.”
“Smitten," Soobin makes a face. "I am definitely not smitten. Ew, are we high schoolers?”
“Apparently,” Taehyun takes a big bite of his sandwich. It’s cut vertically, so Soobin knows exactly who made this. French fries and tuna are an odd combo, but Soobin isn’t dating-not-dating Beomgyu so it’s not his business, anyway. “I think you should come to terms with the fact that you’re still a high schooler who’s socially and emotionally inept."
“And I think you guys should shut the fuck up,” Soobin says. “I am not smitten, or however you put it. Yeonjun and I are not even friends.”
“But you let him eat your ass." Beomgyu clicks his tongue.
“Normal not-friends behavior, by the way, because unlike you guys I don’t hate myself,” Soobin says, and he shifts his gaze back and forth between Taehyun and Beomgyu. “Let’s eat each other’s ass first before we rush into being friends.”
“Inspiring,” Beongyu says. “Gotta know if you and Yeonjun hyung can have that deep connection first.”
“Yes, we are very deeply connected. I have been very deep inside of him, thank you very much.” Soobin says, and he does a habitual glance around the cafeteria and his gaze automatically finds Yeonjun like a magnet. Changbin has his arm wrapped around Yeonjun, and the dryness returns to Soobin’s throat. It’s a pricking sight, so Soobin turns back to his stir-fried pork.
“But it’s not like,” Soobin continues, “I don’t need to do anything about it, y’know. It’s easier that way.” And Soobin remembers how Wooyoung had cornered him this morning, and he thinks that, maybe Yeonjun will never want to be seen with Soobin, like how Yeonjun is being seen with Changbin right now, or any of his friends. “Besides, he probably doesn’t even like me."
“Hyung, are you sure you are not projecting?” Kai asks, and Soobin pouts as he shoves a spoonful of meat into his mouth. His pork is so bland today, as if someone has forgotten to season it, despite it drenching in sauce. Yeonjun’s laughter chooses that moment to creep up to Soobin’s spot in the cafeteria, and Soobin presses his lips into a thin line.
Soobin drops his spoon, and gives Kai the rest of his meat. He doesn’t have the appetite anymore.
❀
Morning light streams through the curtains and pricks his eyes. Soobin groans and flips over as he fists a handful of linen bed sheets, before his hand lands on top of something warm, and Soobin opens his eyes.
Soobin’s bed doesn’t face the window. He doesn’t own linen bed sheets, because they itch and they’re never warm enough for the winter. He groans, because where else is he sleeping again. He has been staying at Yeonjun’s place every weekend now.
It’s clockwork. They meet up on Friday night, and on Saturday, Soobin wakes up in Yeonjun’s bed, has Jin ramyun, and heads home. On Sunday he lounges around the house, does his laundry for the upcoming week, rewatches Jujutsu Kaisen and tries not to think about Yeonjun.
The duvet is slipping off Yeonjun’s frame, and in his sleep he doesn’t talk, to Soobin cherishes this moment with all his heart. Sunlight casts a soft glow on his face, and Yeonjun looks a bit younger, free of worries. Soobin’s hands itch to trace the shape of Yeonjun's face, because up close, Yeonjun’s skin looks very soft. Like milk. The kind that he was forced to drink back in high school.
So Soobin does. He lifts his fingers and grazes the tip of Yeonjun’s nose, just softly so he won’t wake Yeonjun up, because this is another of Soobin's secrets that Yeonjun shouldn't know about.
“That tickles,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin quickly retreats his hands. “You could have woken me up like a normal person.”
“Go back to sleep. Give me back my peace,” Soobin says as he forces his eyes shut, because his cheeks burn and looking at Yeonjun doesn't help.
“Good morning to you, too, Soobin,” Yeonjun says, and there are fingers caressing his cheek, and a hand cards through his hair. Soobin stills, because he didn’t expect Yeonjun could be able to be as gentle as this.
“I know you are awake,” Yeonjun continues, his words slurred with sleep, and Soobin peeks with one eye at Yeonjun's sleepy face. It's a bit puffy, his eyes half-lidded as a smile tugged on his lips.
It’s a beautiful sight. Soobin is not smitten.
“Hey,” Yeonjun says, and he smudges the edge of Soobin’s jaw, drawing small circles along the bone. Soobin likes it. Yeonjun’s fingertips are a bit rough and his touches sort of slide on Soobin’s skin, and— and Soobin’s mind stops functioning as Yeonjun's fingers skirt down and brush over his bottom lip, eyes gluing on Soobin’s mouth.
“Can I?” Yeonjun asks, breathless.
“Are you not going to kiss me if I say no?” Soobin says, voice wavering.
Yeonjun laughs, hearty and crisp around Soobin’s ears. “Maybe?”
“Fine,” Soobin huffs his cheeks and shuts his eyes and he waits for Yeonjun to scoot closer. He doesn't know why he agrees to this, because this is crossing the line and Soobin doesn't do this kind of thing, ever.
The bed dips under their weight as Yeonjun’s breaths skirt his skin, and there’s a sweetness lingering on his lips before it’s replaced by the cold. It’s not enough. Soobin opens his eyes and Yeonjun has returned to the other side of the bed. He sighs, because he wishes it was longer.
Yeonjun pokes his cheek and laughs. Yeonjun is so touchy. “You look constipated.”
“Because I am,” Soobin says. Good constipation. Positive constipation, even, because that means that Soobin still seems like Soobin, as if his heart isn’t going to jump up his throat and start gushing all over the room in any second. Soobin feels like he’s a teenage girl being noticed by the popular boy in school. It’s stupid.
“Soobin,” Yeonjun says as he slings an arm over Soobin’s frame. “Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did.”
“Stop playing,” Yeonjun rolls his eyes.
“Okay,” Soobin says, clutching his fists so they won’t jitter. “Go ahead.”
“Do you think,” Yeonjun says as he plays with a strand of his pink hair, before tucking it behind his ears and looking up at the ceiling. “Do you think if I hadn't spilled hot coffee on you, we wouldn’t have gotten off on the wrong foot?”
It wasn’t the coffee, now that Soobin looks back. It was probably because Yeonjun had worn a pink tank top that had hugged his chest tightly and Soobin’s face had probably contorted because he hadn’t known arms could look like that. And then Yeonjun hadn't given Soobin a proper chance to explain himself, running around and trying to wipe coffee off Soobin’s favorite pair of pants that he had carefully picked out for his first day. Yeonjun still never lets him explain now, because he’s loud and he has this innate need to take space in every conversation. But Soobin learns that it’s not because Yeonjun thinks he’s more important than most people, per se, he just runs his mouth because there’s an invisible machine attached to his throat that somehow forces him to talk.
“No,” Soobin says. “I still probably wouldn’t be able to stand you. I still would find you as annoying.” Soobin shoots him a smile, and Yeonjun pouts.
“That’s not a nice way to put it,” Yeonjun plays with the hem of his pajamas, and mushes his hair into his pillow, like he's some sort of a petulant child. It’s not cute.
After a while, Yeonjun looks at Soobin and there’s a tiny frown knitted in the space between his eyebrows. “Why don’t you like me?”
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because,” Yeonjun takes a breath. “I already told you. I want you to like me.”
“You’re insufferable. That’s why,” Soobin says, rising up from the bed and throws his pillow at Yeonjun. “I’m hungry. Let’s eat ramyun.”
Yeonjun hitches, and doesn’t budge. Instead, he curls up like a rock, and Soobin’s stomach does a little swoop. Soobin sits on the edge of the bed and tugs lightly at Yeonjun’s wrist.
“C’mon, don’t get upset,” Soobin says. “I know I don’t show it, but I appreciate your effort, Yeonjun.”
“Really?” Yeonjun says, and Soobin can feel Yeonjun’s body deflate underneath his hold. The knots in his stomach unclench, and Soobin's body is light.
“Yeah. I do,” Soobin says, and when Yeonjun's face lights up, Soobin can feel his own smile stretching on his lips. “C’mon. Let me make you ramyun.”
❀
The air of the cafeteria swirls thick today, and Soobin can't quite pinpoint why.
“Huh,” Soobin frowns, and drops his lunch tray on the table. No one casts him a glance, and Kai looks like he’s going to throw up on his lunch at any given moment. Soobin cocks an eyebrow, but Kai avoids his gaze.
Soobin shrugs, and shoots his gaze to the table where Yeonjun usually sits, his stomach drops when he doesn’t find the familiar figure glued to Changbin’s side.
“Where’s Yeonjun?”
“How the fuck could I know?” Beomgyu says, munching on his kimbap. It’s not homemade this time, store-bought and beautifully wrapped. It’s a wonderful sight, but this also means that Taehyun and Beomgyu must be going through something, so Soobin doesn’t press further. He doesn’t care about their relationship that much, anyway.
“You know everything around here,” Soobin says as he glances between Beomgyu and Taehyun, and Huening Kai slightly shakes his head.
“You know Yeonjun the most out of us, hyung,” Beomgyu says, and for some reason, it makes Soobin wonder if he is seeing everything clearly, because he doesn’t think he knows Yeonjun that much, at all. Soobin stills, and stares at his shoes as he waits for the knots in his stomach to go away.
There’s no Yeonjun, and Beomgyu and Taehyun aren’t on each other’s ass, so eventually Soobin gets bored. Soobin pulls out his phone.
12:23 yeonjun
> yo soobs i’m sick
> can’t blow u in the copy room today
> don’t try to miss me so much okay
Soobin stares at the text in awe, and grits his teeth as he can feel the bloom on his face.
12:43 Soobin
> Oh. That was why the cafeteria felt less stuffy today
> You have food at home?
12:45 yeonjun
> jin ramyunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn :p
> you miss me huh
Maybe, just a little bit, and it's weird, because he doesn't really miss being blown in the copy room, but rather, he misses Yeonjun's face. But then Soobin thinks about the way Yeonjun nestles up in the space of Changbin's shoulder, and Soobin decides that he doesn't miss Yeonjun at all.
When he clocks out of work, the sky has darkened. A few grey clouds streak across the blue. Soobin thinks about Yeonjun’s kitchen where the cupboard is full of Jin ramyun, and slowly starts the engine as he makes his way to the bustling streets. All sorts of neon lights spill into the dimmed car, casting reds and yellows and pinks and the next thing Soobin knows, he’s outside of a juk restaurant.
“Damn, I’m fucked, aren’t I,” Soobin whispers to himself as he finds a spot to park, and unfastens his seatbelt as he curses under his breath. This time, Soobin blames Yeonjun’s loud laughter, because he sort of misses it during his Yeonjun-less lunch.
Soobin shifts his weight between his legs as he lingers around the doormat. Soobin sighs, and finally gives in as he rings the doorbell, and holds his breath as the footsteps echo.
“Who is this?” Yeonjun says, peeking one eye through the semi-open door. And then a smile dons his face as he spots Soobin, his face flushed. Yeonjun’s skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat, and he looks kind of fucked: darkened eyebags and hair in disarray.
“What are you doing here?” Yeonjun's voice is raspy, and he closes his eyes as he sneezes. "Achoo."
“I got you juk,” Soobin says, feeling the heat creeping to his neck, and he lifts the take-out box up. “I figured you don’t have anything at home. All you eat is terrible ramyun anyway.”
“Wow. Choi Soobin actually cares about me," Yeonjun's eyes widen, and he steps aside to let Soobin in. "Are you getting soft?"
"Consider this as a pay-back for every time you have fed me," Soobin says. "I do not like owing people."
"But now it's me who owes you," Yeonjun pouts as he closes the door. "I can't suck you off, though. My throat burns."
“That’s not why I came here, stupid,” Soobin says, and he hands Yeonjun the bag as he removes his shoes and places them neatly together on the genkan. Yeonjun’s shoes are tossed across the space, and Soobin almost trips as he makes his way to the kitchen.
“Give me the juk,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun’s pout is even more pronounced as he eyes Soobin underneath his bangs. “You’re sick. Go sit. Don’t bother me.”
Yeonjun nods, and Soobin watches him flop down on a chair and lifts one of his legs up. He pulls out his phone and Soobin puts the juk in the microwave. The faint scent of vegetables engulfs the space, and when the machine emits a small ‘ping,’ Soobin carefully removes their food with a cloth.
“Here,” Soobin says, and sets the bowls on the table as he scurries to the kitchen to get Yeonjun a spoon. Third cabinet, on the right. When Soobin returns to the table, Yeonjun looks up from his phone, eyes droopy with sleep, and something inside Soobin's stomach twists at the sight. God, Yeonjun has successfully turned Soobin into an empath or some shit, because now he doesn’t feel his own appetite, too.
“Eat,” Soobin nudges. "Don't look too much at your phone. It makes you dizzy."
“But I’m sick." Yeonjun says, and he picks up his spoon before dropping it down. "Let me indulge myself."
“You can do that after dinner," Soobin says. "Also, I don’t think being sick intervenes with you eating juk?”
“It is,” Yeonjun says, purses out his bottom lip. "I can't feel my hands," Yeonjun flutters his eyelashes. He slides his face on the table, and the look Yeonjun is giving him makes Soobin weak in the knees. “And I know I’m annoying. You don’t have to keep saying that.”
"I didn't say anything?"
"Your face says it all."
Soobin grumbles, but he still moves from his spot and moves to Yeonjun’s side. “Fine,” he says, and starts scooping a spoon of juk and feeds Yeonjun like Yeonjun is a fucking baby.
“This is nice,” Yeonjun says, picks up his phone and starts sending a few messages. He opens the camera and snaps a selfie, and sends it to a contact. Changbin, Soobin thinks. He tries not to stare so much because it’s rude.
“Our first photo together,” Yeonjun says as he locks it, and turns his attention back to Soobin. “Ahhhhhh.” Yeonjun opens his mouth wide and Soobin tries not to shove the spoon down his throat and drill him through his asshole.
“God. You could barely see me in the photo.”
“There's your hand feeding me though,” Yeonjun says, a slight tilt to his tone.
“You seem too happy for someone who’s sick," Soobin says, and he cleans Yeonjun's face with a tissue.
“It’s because my sexy is here with me,” Yeonjun swallows another spoonful of juk, and Soobin has to physically stop himself from telling Yeonjun that he is a good boy.
“Do you call everyone like that?” Soobin asks, and Yeonjun lifts Soobin’s free hand and plays with his fingers. It feels weird, because it’s intimate and they’re not like… that. Soobin gulps.
“Only the ones I get along with.”
His palm in Yeonjun’s hand is getting hot, because Yeonjun’s body is burning, but he indulges Yeonjun, just this time. “You get along with everyone.”
“True.”
“Then what’s the point of wanting me to like you?” Soobin says, and he cringes at the neediness in his tone. “Then to you, I’m just like everybody else.”
“Soobin," Yeonjun laughs. "It doesn’t work like that?” Yeonjun says, but it sounds more like a question. Yeonjun fidgets in his seat. “Just because I get along well with everyone doesn’t mean you’re any less special?"
“I don’t really see that,” Soobin says, because Yeonjun still laughs at Changbin’s jokes and Beomgyu’s and Kai’s and all the guys from Finance’s, and he calls them sexy and slaps their arms and laughs in the crooks of their necks. He treats Soobin like everybody else, except Soobin has a little more of a special treatment because Soobin gets to fuck Yeonjun brainlessly every weekend. And Soobin has access to Yeonjun’s stack of ramyun, too, which he doesn't even like. Those are his only two pros.
Yeonjun chews on his bottom lip until it reddens, and Soobin wants to tell him to stop. He doesn’t, instead, he scoops another spoon of juk and nudges it against Yeonjun’s lip, and Yeonjun stops biting. This will do.
“Eat. There’s still a lot,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun nods, and doesn't push it further.
Later, when Soobin tucks Yeonjun to bed, Yeonjun tugs on his wrist.
“I need to go home,” Soobin says.
“I know. It’s just,” Yeonjun says, and he turns over to face Soobin. The lamp casts his skin a sunset orange, and his eyes flits between Soobin and the floor.
“What do you want to say?”
“You’re… not,” Yeonjun says, tugging slightly on Soobin’s wrist, lingering like it's a plea. “You’re not like everybody else, Soobin.”
Soobin shrugs. “It’s whatever, y’know. I don’t really care,” Soobin lies. Because in his head, Yeonjun says things he doesn't mean all the time, so Soobin tries not to think too much about it.
“Go to sleep, Yeonjun,” Soobin says as he frees his hand from Yeonjun’s hold, tossing off its warmth. He lifts the blanket over Yeonjun’s frame and turns off the light when he leaves.
❀
“Oh wow. Looks like our divorcees are on good terms again. Classic office romance.” Beomgyu clicks his tongue. “Soobin hyung, are we seeing this?”
Soobin doesn’t look up to know exactly what Beomgyu is referring to. The sight has been an eyesore all afternoon, and Soobin pretends the knots aren’t disrupting his stomach.
“Go back and sit with the rest of HR. You’re ruining my lunch,” Soobin glowers. Except it’s not true, because Soobin hasn’t had a good lunch in a while. His bibimbap looks quite unappetizing today, and he smashes his fried egg with his spoon, before mixing the rice.
Soobin finally gives in as he glances at Yeonjun’s direction. God. Wooyoung and Yeonjun are on speaking terms again, and Yeonjun is laughing at something Wooyoung said as he hits Wooyoung's shoulder, like that time he did to Soobin at the restaurant. Soobin's stomach twists and twists, and he puts his spoon down.
There was a time that Yeonjun and Wooyoung were happy, like this. Soobin had watched them from afar, and his heart clenched at how well they had synced together, laughing and sharing their lunch. Wooyoung fits Yeonjun, he really does. Wooyoung wears nice clothes and he knows what's trendy. Wooyoung listens to hip-hop and R&B, and he must know all the names of the artists hung in Yeonjun's bedroom. Wooyoung likes to eat ice cream in the winter, too. Yeonjun must like that.
Wooyoung, Soobin thinks, must be good for Yeonjun. The perfect container for Yeonjun’s sewing supplies. Soobin wonders if he stood a chance at all.
“Weird,” Beomgyu says. “I thought Yeonjun hyung had already broken up with Wooyoung hyung?”
“They could be on good terms,” Kai nods, “but then that didn’t explain Wooyoung’s spiral on Twitter.”
“Interesting,” Beomgyu says, gaze still fixed on Soobin because Beomgyu doesn't miss even a small detail. Human Resources and their chronic nosiness. Soobin tries to relax his face, but it’s to no avail. “Didn’t Yeonjun hyung also say that he was avoiding Wooyoung hyung too?”
Soobin clears his throat. “They’re friends… I guess. Or at least that’s what Wooyoung told me.”
The corner of Beomgyu’s mouth sketches up in a half-smile, and he shoves his crumbling homemade kimbap into his mouth. “Friends as in… you and Yeonjun hyung sort of friends?”
They’re still not… friends, Soobin thinks, even when Soobin knows Yeonjun’s preferred brand of ramyun and his favorite ice cream flavor. They’re not friends, even when Soobin has woken up in Yeonjun’s apartment every weekend, and has memorized the layout of Yeonjun’s apartment, down to where Yeonjun keeps his spoons and chopsticks. They’re not friends, even when Soobin has known the softness of Yeonjun’s kiss, because Soobin doesn’t do that with his friends, but Yeonjun probably does to his, anyway.
“Define friends,” Soobin says. “You know I hate it when people are vague.”
“Uh, I’m the least qualified person to do that,” Beomgyu says, and his elbow brushes Taehyun who is drinking his protein shake, and they both pretend to ignore the question hanging heavy in the air. “Hang in there, buddy.”
“I guess we are on the same boat,” Soobin says, and he wonders when it has become like this. Soobin thinks about the line separating him and Yeonjun, and the way that he keeps stepping back and forth, unable to move. His stomach clenches in knots.
There was a time where Soobin life was neat, and he compartmentalized to keep things simple, clean. But now it is all messed up, and Soobin has no one to blame but Yeonjun. Because Yeonjun is different and somehow, it has made Soobin intrigued, and he forgot all his rules.
Soobin hates this. His hands curl into fists as Yeonjun slaps Wooyoung’s shoulder, again, on the other side of the cafeteria, a smile tugging on both of their faces.
Soobin needs to draw the line.
❀
The line, however, is crossed for one last time tonight. Soobin pins Yeonjun to the door as he undresses him, an odd sensation rising up in his chest. Yeonjun’s face is flushed, and his moans are trapped in the closed space and then suffocated by the storm outside, and Soobin turns him around as he throws Yeonjun on the bed.
He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, it must be Yeonjun’s fault, because Yeonjun has looked so pretty going to work in a pink crop top and a pair of jeans that hugs his ass tight, revealing his curves. So when Yeonjun asked him to come over, who is Soobin to say no?
“You’re insufferable,” Soobin says, and he means it, as Yeonjun moans into the bed sheets when licks his ear. Their arms tangle in knots as Soobin balances Yeonjun underneath his hold and thrusts into Yeonjun, locking Yeonjun into place as his hand tightens the grip around Yeonjun’s neck.
“Fuck,” Yeonjun groans, and as Soobin keeps going at his pace relentlessly. Yeonjun always comes violently, shooting a trail of white on his own stomach, and Soobin’s name is hot on his lips as he squirms beneath Soobin’s body. Soobin rests his head on Yeonjun’s chest and chases his own orgasm because he couldn’t care less. Yeonjun feels so good, warm and soft in his hold, and it doesn’t take long for Soobin to lose it, face buried in Yeonjun’s collarbone as his grip around Yeonjun’s neck loosens.
“Felt good?” Yeonjun says, and when Soobin looks up there is fondness in Yeonjun’s eyes as he plays with Soobin’s hair. It messes with Soobin’s head, because this is foreign and new and he’s overwhelmed by sensations.
“Yeah,” Soobin says, and he doesn’t dare to look at Yeonjun anymore, because of his heart, and removes the condom as Yeonjun beckons him close.
“Cuddle me,” Yeonjun says, voice small.
“No,” Soobin replies, and he hooks an arm around Yeonjun’s frame and nuzzles up to the space between Yeonjun’s neck and shoulder, because the jasmine is nice. Yeonjun hums softly, before his voice is muted by the thunders.
Soobin laughs. He tightens his hold and places a kiss on the back of Yeonjun’s neck in reassurance, before realizing what he is doing again and halts.
“Fuck,” Soobin says. The kiss is still soft on his tongue, but Soobin feels like he’s being punched.
This is bad. This is crossing the line, again. Soobin curls his hands into fists as he mumbles into Yeonjun’s skin.
“Fuck, Yeonjun… we just can’t keep doing this.”
Yeonjun just laughs. The sound crisp and light but it scrapes against Soobin’s ears. “Why? Do you have feelings for me or something?”
“No,” Soobin says, but he stops because of the shakiness in his voice. “No.” Soobin tries again. The shakiness didn’t go away.
“Then why should we stop?” Yeonjun says, and turns over so now that he’s facing Soobin. His eyes waver in the dark. “When we are both enjoying this?”
Because that is exactly the problem: Soobin is enjoying Yeonjun too much, to the point that he doesn't want Yeonjun to look at anyone else with the same fondness in his eyes. Because it should be reserved for Soobin only. Fuck. Soobin is so fucked.
“Because I don’t want to keep doing this anymore, Yeonjun.” Because you have other people that can do the same for you, too, but Soobin doesn’t want to say that aloud.
“Soobin,” Yeonjun sighs, a hand finding its way to cup Soobin's face. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Soobin says. Except Yeonjun did. The only thing that Yeonjun had done wrong is making Soobin like him, and it fucking worked. “I just don’t want to do this anymore.”
Yeonjun stills, and there’s a gloss in his eyes as he looks at Soobin’s face, as if searching for an answer. Soobin hates this, because he feels like his insides are being exposed and Yeonjun can see his heart squeezing and constricting under his bare chest. “I don’t really understand you.”
“What part of me that you don’t understand?” Soobin replies, and presses his lips into a tight line because he doesn’t trust his mouth anymore. He stares at a spot on the ceiling because it’s not burning him, unlike Yeonjun’s gaze. “I’m very simple.”
“Soobin,” Yeonjun says. “You literally cuddled me after sex and now you want to end things with me. You kissed my forehead after we went on a date and you bought me food when I was sick, and yet, you act like you don’t like me half of the time,” Yeonjun says, and his voice shakes and fractures and Soobin tries to swallow the dry lump in his throat. Suddenly Yeonjun seems so small and frail, glassware that easily breaks under a small flick. “Soobin… you’re far from simple.”
Yeonjun doesn’t say anything else. He turns over and mushes his face into the pillow, and Soobin thinks that it is his cue to leave. Outside, the storm is still at its peak.
❀
Everything is back to square one, except now, Yeonjun doesn’t even look in his direction. He doesn’t acknowledge Soobin’s existence in the cafeteria, and doesn’t call Soobin sexy in the elevator.
Soobin has wanted it for so long, hasn’t he? Because he has always hated the way Yeonjun tried so hard for Soobin to like him. This is everything Soobin has ever wanted: his silver lining, perhaps, but there’s a pang in his chest every time Yeonjun passes their table in the cafeteria and Yeonjun’s smile immediately drops. And the dryness in Soobin’s throat lingers because Soobin knows it’s his fault.
❀
The first of March falls on a Friday, so Soobin has some time to go back to Ansan the day before, after he got off work. It takes an hour, give or take, but it’s still too much time for Soobin to be left alone with his thoughts.
When Soobin makes a turn to his parents’ house, his mom is waiting for him at the gate. She squeezes him in a hug, and Soobin melts into the touch as he rubs his cheek into her shoulder. It’s sort of comforting, exactly what he needs, and Soobin closes his eyes as she draws invisible circles into the small of his back.
They have dinner. Soobin hasn’t had a proper mom-cooked meal for a while, and it’s the best for sorrow, even when Soobin tries to tell himself that this whole Yeonjun thing isn’t that distressing. His sister just glances over, and drops her spoon as she shoots him a pointed look.
“Did you lose your anime girl pillow?” She asks.
“No. Why would you ask that,” Soobin says as scoops a big spoon of rice and dips it into his doenjang jjigae.
“Then why do you look like you lost your anime girl pillow,” she says, and nudges his elbow. “Hey. What happened? You know you can tell me right?”
“Uh,” Soobin says, and peers at her underneath his bangs. Her gaze is soft, and she reaches over and pats his hand, so Soobin gives in. “Just some… boy problems.”
“Wow,” his sister gasps, and then a smile blooms onto her face. “I can’t believe you actually found someone after all these years, Choi Soobin!”
“I told you I’m having boy problems and the first thing that came to your mind was that I’m not a virgin,” Soobin says bitterly. His dad is watching a soccer game on the sofa near them, and Soobin winces as the crowds erupt in a menacingly loud cheer as someone scores. “Gee, thanks, noona.”
“I don’t know,” his sister says, half-yells over the seemingly undying cheers. “You just seem like you’re so indifferent about love and shit.”
“Well, I should have stayed indifferent, so now I don’t have problems. Curiosity kills the cat, after all,” Soobin says, and his mom comes out of the kitchen with a strained smile as she hands him a tin of cookies.
“Take this home,” his mom says. “And tell your dad to turn down the volume of the TV.”
Soobin glances at his dad sitting right across from them, and sighs as his mom returns to the kitchen.
“They’re still not talking?” Soobin asks.
“Only since last week,” his sister replies, and grabs a piece of meat and puts it on top of his rice. “You know, Mom is really…”
“Cut the details,” Soobin says, and he stares at his mom’s back as the soccer match subdues in the background. “I’m used to it. They teach me not to take interest in relationships in general.”
The look that his sister gives him is full of worries, and Soobin swallows and looks at his hands.
When Soobin finishes cleaning the table, his sister hovers around him near the kitchen sink.
“You know… don’t let what Mom and Dad have makes your life miserable,” his sister says.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Soobin says, picking up a bowl and starts scrubbing.
“I know they have shaped a lot of what you think about relationships, because it could be tiring at times,” his sister says, patting him on the shoulder, and Soobin unclenches his body. “But you are not a mirror of them, Soobin-ah. You are very much made for love. I know what you are dealing with... because I have been there.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Soobin says, and he picks up another pot and flips it over, scrubbing the bottom.
“You’re doing that thing again.”
“What thing?” Soobin's chest swirls around her words, and he tries to breath again.
“Pretending that you don’t care,” his sister says, and she squeezes Soobin’s shoulder. “You should start being honest with yourself.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Soobin pouts.
“Because,” his sister smiles. Gentleness glints in her eyes. “We care about you, Soobin-ah. Do you care about yourself? Do you think you deserve what you want?”
Soobin drops the pot, and his stomach rumbles as if he hadn't finished eating just a second ago. His sister ruffles his hair, and pinches his cheek, before joining his dad on the couch.
That night, Soobin twists and turns in his bed. He thinks about Yeonjun's room, and how it is filled with those plants whose names Soobin hasn’t known yet.
❀
Soobin returns back to Seoul the next day because Huening Kai has wanted to go to some anime convention happening in one of the commercial buildings in Hongdae. Soobin has wanted to go there a month ago, but now he isn’t in the mood to do anything besides curling up in his bed and eating ice cream, really.
His sister’s words tug at his every step as if there was a stone attached to his ankle. And whenever Soobin closes his eyes he remembers her patting his shoulders, and the gentleness in her eyes.
It’s chaos here. People in long wigs and colorful costumes float back and forth, in and out his vision, and he has to hold a piece of Beomgyu’s shirt so that he won’t lose the guys. A few people bump into him as they rush towards the booths filled with fan goods, and it's too much. Soobin tightens his hold on Beomgyu's shirt.
There is a girl cosplaying as Sakurajima Mai, and this has finally caught Soobin’s attention, because it’s fucking Sakurajima Mai. School uniform Sakurajima Mai, to be exact, because not a lot of people want their tits out when they don’t have Adolescence Disease and they’re actually perceived by the general public and not solely by some random anti-social high school loser.
Her skirt looks a so much like that one skirt that Yeonjun had worn when Soobin fucked him against the copy machine. It has the same length and the same stripes, too, and Soobin laughs a little because he has imagined Yeonjun in a uniform like that. With a big, long, black wig and tights and everything. And then his mind drifts to Yeonjun in a Sakurajima Mai smexy outfit, with his tits pushed up and his face flushed, pinned against a copy machine. Soobin bonks his head into Beomgyu’s back, because what the fuck.
Soobin is not supposed to like Yeonjun anymore. Because…. Because lines. Territories. Differences. Soobin's chest tightens, because this has somehow, pushed him even further into his own sorrow.
“Hyung, you are fucking moping,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin pouts as Kai just sighs.
“Maybe,” Soobin says, and Taehyun looks at him with his big, glossy eyes. It is there in the middle of a bustling anime convention, in front of school uniform Sakurajima Mai that Soobin has come to the realization that, maybe, he can’t really fight his feelings towards Yeonjun anymore.
When they finish their meal at the fried chicken shop, Taehyun pulls him aside. And Soobin gulps because this means business. People look for Taehyun for advice, and rarely that he wants to talk to anyone one-on-one, unless they are in trouble.
Soobin thinks he’s in trouble, and suddenly he’s fifteen again, and about to be punished by his homeroom teacher.
“Do I need to kneel with my hands up in the air?” Soobin says apologetically.
“No, what is wrong with you?” Taehyun laughs, and Soobin wraps his hands around his body.
“Everything,” Soobin says. “Taehyun-ah, it hurts.”
“Where exactly does it hurt, hyung?”
“My heart,” Soobin replies, and Taehyun breaks out in a laugh.
“Do you think my misery is a joke?” Soobin pouts, and he just wants to lie down on the ground, except it's kind of dirty, so he stands up straighter.
“You’re so dense. I’m talking about this whole Yeonjun thing, obviously,” Taehyun says, and he shifts his gaze to the starless sky above. “Hyung…we are actually more similar than you think.”
Soobin wants to disagree, because first of all, unlike Taehyun, he isn’t fucking a cryptid. And secondly, Beomgyu only pretend-hates Taehyun. Yeonjun probably hates him at this point, because Soobin is an asshole and he always says the opposite of what's on his mind.
Soobin has always thought that Yeonjun talks too much and never allows him space to explain, but now that Soobin thinks about it, he is the problem. Soobin refuses to explain, because it's not easy for him to do so.
“In what ways?” Soobin finally says.
“We’re both quiet,” Taehyun says, “not in our personality, but in our expression.”
“Maybe,” Soobin nods. “And we are both stubborn.”
“That’s just you.” Taehyun laughs, and Soobin shifts his gaze to the sky above and narrows his eyes as he tries to locate Mars. He fails, because his vision is kind of blurry.
Beomgyu and Kai’s laughter echoes to them from all the way down the street, and Soobin bites down on his bottom lip.
“Taehyun, can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“I was wondering… what’s the deal between you and Beomgyu?”
Taehyun cocks his eyebrow. “Are you asking because it’s similar to you and Yeonjun?”
“Well,” Soobin wants to disagree, but Taehyun’s soft gaze is stripping him of his defense. “Yes.”
“Didn’t you say you have no interest in other people’s relationships?” Taehyun says, and a strange feeling rises in his gut. Soobin can’t quite put a name on it.
“Yes, I used to,” Soobin says, and he thinks about his parents, and then his sister’s words. “But sometimes I just can’t help but wonder about relationships.” in general. Not necessarily other people’s. Maybe just… his. Because Soobin has always wanted to know what it’s like to be held and to be kissed. Not necessarily by anybody else, probably only by Yeonjun. Soobin sighs; there’s been too much on his mind lately.
“You know," Taehyun says, and he rests his hand on Soobin's shoulder, "it’s actually more difficult to admit what we want than most people think."
“Elaborate,” Soobin says, eyebrows furrowing. Taehyun has never been vague. It’s Soobin who wants to hear more.
“Do you know the psychological reasoning behind boys pulling girls’ pigtails in kindergarten?”
“No,” Soobin says. Soobin didn’t pull any girl’s pigtails; he was too busy building lego houses and racing cars with his imaginary friend. But he feels like he has been pulling Yeonjun’s pigtails for a while now. “Let me guess… for attention?”
“Bingo, but it’s only a part of the story,” Taehyun smiles. “I don’t condone the tactic, though, because sometimes it’s bullying,” Taehyun says, and he squeezes Soobin's shoulder. “But because kids can't actually comprehend emotional complexities, they resort to denial, and then straight-up aggression.”
“Are you and Beomgyu… kids in kindergarten?”
“Well,” Taehyun laughs, and he shifts his gaze to Beomgyu, who is making weird faces at Kai on the sidewalk. “Obviously, not anymore, but I read somewhere that affection is also linked with aggression... you know cute aggression, right? It’s similar to… when I have this urge to shove Beomgyu to an oven and bake him because I like him too much?” Taehyun says, and his face flushes, and bites his bottom lip. “My reactions don't match what I’m feeling on the inside."
Taehyun takes a breath. "And I think that might be what’s happening between Beomgyu and me, even when it’s really pointless, if you think about it.”
Taehyun drops his hand on Soobin's shoulder, and plays with his necklace. “It started as a joke, though, him hating me, but we kept on doing it because feelings are confusing,” Taehyun says, staring at Beomgyu’s back as Beomgyu pinches Kai’s forearm, both laughing like happy fools.
“We are cowards, hyung. We turn our feelings into something else because we don’t want them to affect us. It’s a coping mechanism. In that way, Beomgyu and I are sort of like you. But,” Taehyun takes a breath. “Yeonjun hyung is… different.”
Soobin's mind drifts to Yeonjun. When Yeonjun loves something, he loves loud. He makes sure the world knows about it.
Soobin clutches the hem of his sweater. “I have never been good with differences."
“Well,” Taehyun says, brows knitting together as if pondering over his words. “You can be good with differences. You can be good at many things, actually. You just need to suck at it for some time until you get better at it.”
Soobin peers at Taehyun underneath his bangs. “Like… eating ass?” Taehyun rolls his eyes, and presses his lips into a tight line. “Oh. It’s not time for a joke then. Got it.”
“No, like emotions, hyung. Like… relationships. Like, literally any fucking hobby in this entire world.”
“I don’t know if I will ever be good at handling him.” Or good at loving him, too, because a tiny part of Soobin still thinks he’s not made for love. But Soobin didn’t say it out loud. “Wooyoung said I’m not good for him.”
“Wooyoung isn’t good for Yeonjun hyung, either. He's chronically online and he overshares their relationship on Twitter, and they broke up for a reason.” Taehyun shrugs. “You’re just using what Wooyoung said as an excuse, because you don’t want to admit to yourself what you really want. Hyung, you keep denying yourself of good opportunities because you tell yourself you’re not good for them. But the truth is you don’t try.”
“Gee, that was harsh, Taehyun,” Soobin scrunches his nose. and then he nods, because Taehyun makes a lot of sense. “But thanks, I think I get it now.”
“What are friends for?” Taehyun smiles, and he jogs forward as he laces his hands with Beomgyu’s, and Kai yells in surprise.
Soobin stills, because his inside is giddy, for a moment, before he feels like he’s being punished by his high school homeroom teacher, but instead of kneeling with his arms up in their air, Soobin’s punishment is not being able to see Yeonjun’s smile again.
Soobin only has two fears, but maybe, not being able to see Yeonjun’s smile anymore should also be added to the list.
He wonders if there is a way for him to fix this. Because at the end of the day, Yeonjun is still a difference that Soobin wants to familiarize himself with.
A difference that Soobin wants to be good at.
❀
Saturdays have never felt this empty before.
It’s weird that Soobin misses Yeonjun this much, because all they do on the weekend is fuck, eat Jin ramyun and maybe disagree on trivial things. There is actually an unopened 5-pack of Shin Black in his cupboard, but for some reason, Soobin is craving Jin ramyun today, even though Jin is never spicy enough, and the broth is too sweet for his liking.
“Odi,” Soobin says as he cups the hedgehog in his palm. “Appa is sad.”
Odi doesn’t really understand, because hedgehogs are solitary animals that don’t really need to form life bonds to survive– that was Soobin’s sole reason for picking one in the first place. But still, as if sensing his sadness, Odi rolls on his back, rubbing his quills into Soobin’s palms in lieu of reassurances.
“What? You said it is because I did it to myself?” Soobin sighs, and Odi stares at him with those big eyes. His nose scrunches a little, before licking his tiny mouth.
“I know– it’s just. I don’t know if it’s too late to fix everything,” Soobin says, and he stares at the holes in his favorite pajamas. Soobin remembers the clothes Yeonjun gave him every time he spent his night there. How they were always so new and soft against his skin, and he wonders what kind of laundry detergent that Yeonjun had used, because Soobin misses the scent.
He flits his gaze back to Odi to seek for a little help, just to find the hedgehog still stares at him with those circular eyes.
“Okay,” Soobin whispers, and he remembers what Taehyun has told him the night before, “so what you are saying is, if I don’t try I wouldn’t know?”
Odi scrunches his nose, and Soobin nods.“You are just like Kang Taehyun,” Soobin says. “You guys keep pestering me. It’s just…”
It’s just… Soobin doesn't even know why he’s so defensive about apologizing to Yeonjun. What is he waiting for?
Soobin sighs. He has always thought that Yeonjun takes up so much space in their conversations, but now he thinks that perhaps, it is Soobin’s fault that he never had the courage to speak his mind. There are still so many unsaid things that he has kept away from Yeonjun. And it is not because of the spark in Yeonjun’s eyes or the curl of Yeonjun’s smile that has made Soobin speechless, per se. It’s Soobin’s own fault that he never said a thing. It’s Soobin’s own fault that he is a coward.
His gums feel dry. He lowers his hands and lets Odi go back to his cage, and stands up to make himself ramyun in the kitchen. Outside, the rain has snowballed into a storm. Wind rattles against the window, howling straight into Soobin's heart.
Shin Black, his favorite, is bland on his tongue today, and Soobin misses the subtle hint of sweetness, so he drops his chopsticks and finds something else to eat.
Soobin remembers the half-eaten tin of cookies that his mom has sent him, and finishes the leftover cookies that are still there. When he’s done, he throws out the parchment paper and the empty tin just stares back at him on the counter, making Soobin kind of sad. And Soobin’s hand itches to fill it with something useless, like a few threads or some buttons, and maybe some safety pins while he’s at it, too. Because Soobin’s house lacks sewing supplies and all his favorite anime tees are five-year-old.
It’s a silly thought. He doesn’t even know how to sew anyway. But maybe Taehyun is right, Soobin just needs to learn.
Outside, the storm wraps the city in greyness, streetlights blinking, and then vanishing in a heartbeat. Thunders hit against the roof, and Soobin stands still in the kitchen, whispering to himself that he should not be afraid.
❀
The elevator ride up to Yeonjun’s apartment only takes a few minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Soobin walks down the hall, and he thinks about turning around and going back to the start. But there is no way for Soobin to rewind everything back to the beginning, anyway, so he grits his teeth as he rings Yeonjun’s doorbell.
Water drips down to his clothes, and the AC from the hallway blows cold air on his shoulder blades, freezing, but Soobin’s entire body is heating up from nervousness.
Footsteps echo to his spot from the other side of the door, and then a faint ‘ouch.’ Soobin holds his breath as the click of the door reverberates.
“Soobin? Fuck, you are dripping wet,” Yeonjun says, a frown knitted into the space between his eyebrows, and his hair is brushed away from his face by a headband. "Is everything okay? What are you doing here?"
“Because,” Soobin tests his voice. It’s not as shaky as he has expected. “Your plants.”
Yeonjun cocks an eyebrow. “What about my plants?”
“I still haven’t known the names of them,” Soobin says. “I still haven’t known if your favorite character in Doraemon, or which ones of your candles that you like the most,” Soobin holds his breath.
Yeonjun’s confusion stays fixed on this face, but he opens the door a little bit more. “You didn’t come all the way here in the middle of the storm just to say that? Are you out of your mind?”
Yeonjun is right. Soobin has been out of his mind for a while. “No. You don’t get it, Yeonjun,” Soobin says, and he pushes one of his leg in the space between the door and the hallway so Yeonjun can’t close it.
“I have so many questions that I have wanted to ask you, but I never had the courage to. I bottle my feelings to myself, and instead, I blame you for being loud and annoying and you never let me talk, but it’s actually my fault, because I never said what I want. And I’m sorry.”
Yeonjun's shoulders deflate, and he crosses his arms as he searches Soobin’s face. A crease is still knitted in between the space of his eyebrows, and Soobin wants to reach out and smooth it, because it doesn’t suit Yeonjun.
“For that night when you walked out on me?” Yeonjun asks, voice unsure.
“No, for everything,” Soobin says, and he curls his hands into fists so that he can stand a little bit steadier, because he’s going to crumble in any second. “The truth is. You are annoying. I like annoying.” A beat of his heart, and Soobin closes his eyes. “I like it when you talk just for the sake of talking and you can’t seem to shut up. I like it when you disagree with me on random things, like ice cream flavors and jellyfish and ramyun because when you do that your face is all flushed and you look cute. Annoyingly cute.”
“But most importantly,” Soobin continues. He knows he’s just rambling at this point, but there has been too much on his mind that Yeonjun doesn’t know. “I like it because you keep making an effort for me to like you, because it somehow works, and it makes me want to make an effort too,” Soobin looks at his shoes, and suddenly he feels so small and tiny, as if he was withering under Yeonjun’s gaze.
“Except for the fact that now I can’t be special in your eyes anymore, because I like everything about you,” Soobin says, and his shoulders quiver lightly because the thought of it makes him kind of sad. “Because now I’m just like everybody else, chasing after you.”
“Soobin,” Yeonjun says, and his mouth gapes open in a small ‘o’. Soobin hates how cute Yeonjun looks. “Are you confessing to me?”
“Ew,” Soobin says, and he stares at Yeonjun underneath his bangs. But then what Yeonjun said is quite true, so he nods. “Yeah.”
“Okay. I’ll go out with you.”
“I didn’t ask you to go out with me?” Soobin says, furrowing his brows. “I was just confessing to you?”
“Then I won’t?” Yeonjun says, and he crosses his arm as he stares at Soobin up and down. “This is why you will never be like everybody else, because you’re literally the strangest guy I have ever met. I don’t know why you haven’t realized this.”
“Okay,” Soobin says, “go out with me then,” and then he reaches out to hold Yeonjun’s hand because, uh, it looks really soft. “You can be an annoying guy that I tolerate sometimes. Maybe all the time. And when we say goodbye in front of your door, I’ll kiss your forehead while looking like I have been constipated for five consecutive days. But then I’ll go home and miss you for the rest of the night, because I'm dense and I’m strange and it takes me time to come to terms with my feelings."
“You’re lucky I like strange,” Yeonjun says as he steps closer. He’s standing on his tip-toe as he closes his eyes, and Soobin stops him mid-action.
“You haven’t got to the point? Go out with me?”
“Yes,” Yeonjun rolls his eyes. ”I already said I would go out with you,” Yeonjun pouts. He looks so cute and his lips are so plump and Soobin’s heart is swelling in his chest. Soobin closes his eyes and he bends down, and he cups Yeonjun’s warm face with his rain-soaked hands and he plants a kiss on Yeonjun’s soft lips because he has wanted to do this for a while now. Yeonjun’s fingers clutch at his wet shirt, and Yeonjun kisses him back feverishly. His tongue slides across Soobin’s bottom lip, and Soobin opens his mouth to give Yeonjun more access.
When they part for breaths, Soobin hooks his arm around Yeonjun’s waist and he kisses Yeonjun, again. The dryness in his throat is now gone and replaced by the sweetness from Yeonjun’s lips, and Soobin smiles as their chests collide. Soobin inhales Yeonjun and jasmine and laundry detergent, and the remnants of the storm.
“This is the part when you invite me inside so we can make out on your couch,” Soobin whispers as he runs his fingers up and down Yeonjun’s jawline, because hey, he can do that now.
“Daddy, chill,” Yeonjun laughs, and he flicks Soobin’s nose.
“If you call me daddy one more time,” Soobin mutters under his breath.
“Then what are you going to do, huh?” Yeonjun laughs. “Fuck me until I pass out? Pin me against a wall as you slap my ass?”
“Probably,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun giggles. It’s light and it dances in the air and it’s very beautiful. Yeonjun is very beautiful.
“After we get you all dried up.”
“Of course,” Soobin says, and he pushes Yeonjun through the door and locks it. He kisses Yeonjun again, because it’s not enough. It’s never enough.
On his tongue, Yeonjun is smiling against the kiss, and Soobin thinks– no, Soobin knows that he’s smitten.
Later, when they’re all curled up on the couch, Yeonjun ruffles Soobin’s hair as he turns on the hair dryer. The machine rattles in his ear, and Soobin closes his eyes when he hears a murmur against his neck.
“Snake plants,” Yeonjun says. “The plants in my room are snake plants. They’re the most popular houseplants. How are you an architect and could not know about this?”
“Because I don’t care about interior design, silly. It's too intimate,” Soobin says, but then he thinks he’s not really afraid of the intimacy of Yeonjun’s room, not anymore. “I’m in charge of technicalities. It's more objective."
Yeonjun flicks his nose, and Soobin melts against the touch. “What about the candles?” Soobin asks, breathless.
“I rotate all of them,” Yeonjun says, and he turns off the hair dryer and wraps the cord before setting it aside. When he’s done, he snuggles up in the crook of Soobin’s neck on the couch, and Soobin inhales, because he has missed this.
“Favorite Doraemon character?”
“Dekhisugi.” Yeonjun says. “He sort of looks like you. Except he’s quick, and you are way more dense.”
“It’s true. I’m not going to deny any of this,” Soobin admits, and heat flushes his cheeks as he reaches over and holds Yeonjun’s hand. “Sorry, this whole dating thing… I’m new to it.”
“Don’t worry, I will make an effort for you,” Yeonjun kisses his cheek, and Soobin’s heart swells and swells until it takes over the room.
“No. We will make an effort together,” Soobin lifts their tangled hands and kisses Yeonjun’s fingers.
❀
Epilogue I
“Hyung,” Yeonjun has been promoted to hyung now, because Soobin is a guy of manners, “you need to wait for a second,” Soobin says, and he holds the doorknob as Yeonjun shoots him a questioning look. “I need to, uh, quickly clean my room first.”
Before Yeonjun has the chance to answer, Soobin closes the door, and he locks it as his heart jumps out of his rib cage. That was close. Soobin has less than a minute to shove his Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai Sakurajima Mai 50cmx160cm Hugging Body Double-sided Pillow under the bed, not because he is embarrassed, but because he wants Yeonjun to understand that he will only stare at Yeonjun’s man boobs when they have sex, not Sakurajima Mai’s. Soobin is just thoughtful like that.
On his table, there is a notebook scribbled with affirmations along the line of I am worthy of love and happiness. I am a valuable and unique individual with much to offer the world and I do not harbor any intense feelings towards Yeonjun. Soobin stares at it and shoves it under the bed, too. He takes a breath. He is ready now. He is going to have sex with Yeonjun, no, his boyfriend, in his own bedroom.
“Choi Soobin. Are you hiding a body in there?” Yeonjun’s voice is faint from the other side of the door, and Soobin opens it and quickly shuts Yeonjun up with his mouth.
❀
Epilogue II
“Uh. What are you wearing?” Soobin perches around the bed, and he tries not to look at Yeonjun in the eye, because what the fuck. Heat creeps to his neck, and then spreads all over his face. Soobin thinks he’s just died and gone to heaven.
“Uh,” Yeonjun looks down at his chest, which is pressed tightly together so it gives the impression that he has boobs. “Bunny Girl Senpai Sexy Halloween Costume for Girls with Ears, Collar, Wristband and Stockings,” Yeonjun replies shyly. “I saw this on your Amazon wishlist.”
“Oh my God, you’re such a freak. You’re perfect for me.” Soobin says, and he climbs on top of Yeonjun and cups his face, eyes still glued to Yeonjun’s faux pressed boobs. “I can’t believe I spent a year hating you.”
“You talk too much,” Yeonjun complains, and this has somehow made Soobin explode in pearls of laughter because who is Yeonjun to say that? “Hurry up and kiss me.”
Soobin laughs, and he leans down as he captures Yeonjun’s plump lips in a kiss.