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It felt strange to be back in Anatol. A city she hadn’t stepped foot in for three years. She probably did have the chance though. She could have come here over summer breaks, but the wound was too fresh, and he had told her not to return.
That he wouldn’t wait for her.
It still hurt, of course. The words cut deep into her heart. The way that he had said it. He was a man who could have anything he wanted, and she was hated by her father, left by herself in this world.
But being at Nornui for university for three years was more liberating than she thought. She knew how bad her relationship had been with him. But she hadn’t wanted to leave. She wanted to stay forever with him. She had wanted to marry him eventually.
But his fears had swallowed his mind, becoming more possessive and stifling the more time had gone on.
She had to leave, it was what was best for both of them, even if taking the steps outside hurt her, and closing the door behind her bags broke her heart.
She hadn’t left anything there, cleaning everything up the day that she left. She had stolen one of his jumpers though. It had lost its scent overtime, but it still had the logo of his highschool rugby team on it, the colours and edges fading but still there.
She was back now though, a job secured with a small company, and an apartment overlooking a park of grass and trees. She knew that there was a small lake in there, she had been there with him. When it was frozen over, snow falling around them and he had looked at her as if she was beautiful. As if she was all that he wanted. His whole world.
It was only a small apartment, her few bags of things taking up all of the space, just like at university. There was a little nook that she could sit and read in at the window that overlooked the park. It made her miss living with him. When there was all of that space, and her things were nestled between his.
But that relationship was over now. He had made sure of it.
She had missed him during the time that she had been away, had even written emails to him, and never gotten a reply.
Nor from his friends. She had thought that maybe since they had spent so much time together, that at least one of them would reply. That one of them would reply, and at least tell her that he was fine. She still cared for him, even though his words had hurt, and she shouldn’t forgive him.
Maxi hated the part of her that still loved him. That wanted to betray her for the feeling of being in his arms once more.
“Maxi, so good to see you again,” Agnes said as she came close, pulling her into a hug.
The coffee shop was quiet, practically only the two of them in there with the barista as they sat down, a coffee warming Maxi’s hands. It was nice, looking outside the front windows to see blossoming cherry trees, pink petals falling. She had missed this. The smell of coffee and baked goods, the fresh air of Anatol. The trees and flowers and walkable streets.
Three years spent at university. Wishing that she was home instead.
That it hadn’t ended on a bad note that made her feel as if she couldn’t come back.
“How was Nornui? I miss the schools there. It’s been so long since I went to university. The islands were so beautiful and I miss them.”
“The island w-was pretty. Although the s-sea was something that I didn’t enjoy. A-all of the salt air was t-terrible. I like Anatol more.”
“Well I miss it. The stone cliffs and lush green grass. It was so much better than the capital or anywhere else.”
“S-so you liked the grey clouds and d-depressing atmosphere.”
“It wasn’t depressing. It was nice, and beautiful. Able to walk to the beach. Watch the sunrise across it. Not to mention the libraries. God I miss the libraries, and the food. Tell me that it’s still good. I might try one day to work there. I’m sure that they’ll need a professor one day.”
“It was f-fine.”
“Fine? How can you say that it was just fine Maxi?”
“It was just a university. Y-yes the island was pretty, and it was n-nice going for walks, but it was ultimately j-just a university that I went to.”
“Just a university?” Agnes sounded aghast. “Nornui is just a university? They shouldn’t have let you in.”
Maxi sighed, turning away from Agnes once more to look at the cherry trees outside. Years ago, she was walking under them with him. His fingers pushing away the petals that fell onto her cheeks. His thumb had brushed her lips as he had stared down at her, his open lips parting as he brushed away a petal on her cheek. The kiss had been so sweet when it happened, his hands gently holding her face as petals fell onto them. She had found ones in her hair the next day.
“I mean, how could you say that Nornui is just a university. It has a history. It’s beautiful.” Agnes was still droning on in the background.
“I guess.”
“How can you have gone there, and just say that you guess it’s beautiful?”
“I was busy!”
“You were there for 3 years, Maxi.”
“I w-was going through some things.”
“And yet you came back to Anatol. You should have gone to the capital instead. It would be much better, and you wouldn’t have the baggage.”
“Why a-are you in Anatol then?”
“Because I work here now, and have to make sure that you won’t get into trouble.”
“When h-have I ever gotten into trouble?”
“Maxi. You should live somewhere where you won’t be reminded of him and how it ended. Come to the capital. You can live with me, it will be lovely. I’ll use dad’s money for us to get a place together, and keep using it until we can both find jobs there.”
Maxi sighed. Every time they emailed Agnes would always tell her to join her in the capital. That it would be better for her. Even though it was closer to her father’s estate. “Th-that would mean a larger city. M-more people and closer to the estate.”
“More places to work.”
“Less t-trees and grass. And I a-already have a job.”
“You also wouldn’t be near him.”
“Agnes.”
There was a pause after it. Silence with only the sound of the coffee machine in the background, a car driving by on the street.
“Look, you’re lucky enough that he’s at the capital right now, and not here. I know that he was your first love, and that Anatol is pretty. But do you really want to be here?”
“It’s a low ch-chance that I’ll ever see him again. A-And I like Anatol. It’s the first place that felt like h-home.” It was easier to be here than the capital as well. She did like how much nature was within it, all of the food and places to be. How nice everyone was. And although there was still that ache in her chest from how it all ended…
It was still easier than the hurt that made her almost unable to function whenever she was near the estate. The day that he had brought her here, far enough away that she didn’t feel as if his fingers were creeping at her shoulders.
“I’d say that there’s a high chance. You know that his friends are everywhere.”
“Well, I st-still haven’t seen a s-single one of them, except for y-you.”
“There’s still a chance Maxi. And do you really want to take that risk?”
“It’s a low risk. A-and Anatol is my home too.”
Agnes sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand. “God help you.”
Maxi nodded, not quite sure what to say as she stared down at her coffee, the mug slowly cooling down.
“If you’re so steadfast on staying, this little club I know of here is doing a Blackpink night. You still like them right?”
“Y-yeah.” It didn’t hurt to listen to their songs, unlike it did for BTS. The slow songs reminding her of the times she spent with him. Of sitting together on the couch, listening to their music with headphones on while he played games on his tv. Hiding at his place during storms, using music to stop hearing the thunder that reminded her of other places.
“Let's go then. It’s happening in a couple of days, and I finally get to take you clubbing. It’ll be fun. It’s fully Blackpink for the night.” She paused for a moment. “You know what, since we have the day off, let’s go and buy you a dress or something for it.”
Maxi sighed and nodded, knowing that in reality, she didn’t have a choice. Agnes would find a way to get her to go no matter what.
“Finish your coffee, and then we’ll go. There’s a nice little shop a couple of streets down. I usually find some good dresses there.”
Maxi finished her coffee, following Agnes outside as she put her coat back on.
“It’s close enough to walk, but I can get a car for us.”
“I d-don’t mind walking.”
It was quiet as Agnes led her down the street. Able to just watch petals fall off of the cherry trees. It made her sad, remembering all of those times that she enjoyed. And then the times when it became too stifling, when he would try and keep her inside. He didn’t want her to go to Nornui. To extend her knowledge. He didn’t want her to get a job, he wanted her to stay at home and do nothing.
But she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t watch him do anything while locked inside as if she was a princess in a tower. She felt too guilty if he was to do everything, and she, nothing.
“Here we are,” Agnes said, stopping outside of a little boutique.
At least it didn’t look too expensive. Maxi was sure that she could afford a dress from here.
But she began to regret shopping with Agnes only a few moments in.
There was no stopping her, picking up hangers from all of the different racks, telling Maxi which ones she would look better in.
Maxi realised that she should have come by herself. It was always easier shopping by herself, knowing what she liked.
But then she did have to admit that the dresses Agnes found were pretty, and she had to say yes upon seeing a pink one. Although it did seem quite short once she put it on. She would have to wear tights underneath it to make sure that the short skirt would be fine.
“See,” Agnes said as they left. “Easy as. I’ll pick you up with a driver on the night, okay?”
“Sure,” Maxi replied, waving goodbye before leaving to walk home, the dress folded into a bag that she carried with her.
It was quiet on the street, and she finally felt as if she could easily breathe, using her key card to sign into her building. She should probably go grocery shopping, and maybe sit in the park for a while. Be in the fresh air of spring.
Her apartment was quiet, but it was beginning to smell of home at least. All the time spent simmering fruit on the stove, and buying flowers to leave in the living area.
It was peaceful, and pretty. It made Maxi feel almost complete. The smell of home, pretty decor that she had chosen. Books sitting on a coffee table, matching mugs.
But it still felt as if she was missing something, and she knew what it was, but didn’t want to admit it.
The clouds seemed to have changed during the few moments that she had been inside, the patter of rain against her window making her decide not to go outside.
Instead, she made a hot drink and wrapped a blanket around herself, sitting in that little window alcove. It was nice at least, looking down at the park, the trees swaying in the wind. Pink petals falling off of the cherry trees. It made her miss him.
What would he think? Of her little apartment. Of the job she had gotten herself. Of the fact that she hadn’t really made any friends in those three years away. That she hates the music of who used to be her favourite band now. That she can’t listen to some songs anymore because it reminds her of him too much. That part of her wants to burn every cherry tree that she sees. Make sure that she can never be reminded of that first kiss underneath them.
“I’ll be gone for a few days,” he said, standing at the bench, a suitcase at the dooor. “There’s some problems happening at the capital’s branch, so they want me there to fix it.” He seemed so stressed, shoving his hands through his coat and struggling to find his keys.
Was now really the best time to tell him? The offer had come so fast, a full scholarship to Nornui, one of the best universities. To not have to work while she completed a doctorate.
“I…B-before you go. I g-got an offer from Nornui.”
“Nornui? Why would you want to go to Nornui?” His eyebrows were furrowed, and he finally spied his keys near the bowl.
“For my d-doctorate. They liked th-the idea for my research, a-and offered it fully p-paid for.”
“When did you apply? Why did you apply?” There was a hint of anger in his voice already. Maybe this hadn’t been the best time. He was always stressed when called to the capital’s branch, and she had only made it worse.
“Th-the same time that I did for A-Anatol. I… I–”
“Why did you never tell me?” he yelled out. “Why didn’t you ask? Anatol is fine because it’s right here, but you want to leave? Why would you want to leave Anatol? Why would you want to leave me?” His voice was breaking, high pitched and horrifying. She had never seen him like this.
“I didn’t th-think that I would get in.” Her voice felt so quiet, barely above a whisper.
“How could you have not told me? How could you think that I shouldn’t know? Do I not deserve to know about you, about the woman I love?”
“It’s o-only three years, Riftan. P-please.” She cried out. “It’s only th-three years, and it will b-be good for both of us!” She tried to get close, to hug him one last time before he left.
He pushed her away.
“No. It’s only good for you. You’re only thinking about you. I have given you everything that you could ever need. Ever want. And you repay me like this.” His tone was cold. “If you go, don’t come back. I won’t wait for you Maxi.”
“It’s o-only three years, Riftan. It’s n-not forever.” She could barely get it out through the tears.
“Three years is a long time.” He wasn’t even looking at her anymore, as if she was worth nothing.
“It will b-be gone before you know,” she cried out. “P-please… Riftan.” She could barely even talk through the tears.
“It won’t. It’s too long. You will be dead to me Maxi. I gave you everything, yet you want to leave.”
“P-please Riftan. It will be good for th-the both of us. I d-don’t want to live here, a-adding nothing to our home.” She just wanted to hold him. If they just held each other, he would realise that it would be fine.
“I’ve given you everything that you could ever need. Anything that you could ever want. And yet you’d do this to me. To us. If you leave. Don’t come back.”
“N-no, you don’t mean that.”
“Maximilian,” His tone was so cold and dangerous it made her step back. It reminded her of her father. “You have a choice to make while I’m away. Either you’re here, waiting for me. Or you, and all of your things are gone. If you leave, I won’t wait for you. I’ll do whatever I have to do to move on.”
She was left crying as he closed the door, leaving her like that.
Maxi woke up crying, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.
It hurt, to be reminded of that. Maybe living in Anatol was a bad idea.
Her room smelt too close to her old one, only missing the smell of him. And of course, she hadn’t realised that she was wearing his old jersey until now.
She wiped her tears away, turning to lie on her stomach, pulling her pillow into her arms.
It seemed to make it worse. Reminding her of when he would hold her close, shushing her as she cried, and making her feel better. Using a warm cloth to wipe her face clean.
She hadn’t felt like this since the day she left, crying for almost an entire week.
But she soon fell back asleep.
“Th-this dress is kind of u-uncomfortable.” Maxi said, her fingers pulling at the end of it.
“But just think that it makes you pretty, and you’ll have fun. I’m in one that’s shorter than yours.”
“B-but you’re used to it. I’ve usually n-never been shorter th-than knee length.”
“Live a little more Maxi. You’re no longer at Nornui, you can live a little more. While it isn’t actually Blackpink performing, it’s close enough.”
“It’s not th-that Agnes. It just feels st-strange to be wearing s-something like this. And it’s kind of c-cold.”
“Don’t worry, everything will be better once we’re inside.”
Maxi nodded, looking at the front of the line. She couldn’t explain why she felt so nervous. It was probably just how cold and late at night it was. She did like the idea of a club playing the songs of Blackpink all night, but less so now that her dress seemed to want to ride up at every movement as they got closer.
“Agnes?” A man’s voice said as they got closer to the front. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the capital?”
Maxi looked up, finding Hebaron looking at them. She looked back down almost immediately. Maybe he wouldn’t notice that it was her.
“Isn’t your boss supposed to be in Anatol?” she retorted as they neared him, and Maxi was horrified to find that he was the bouncer.
“He’ll be back soon. You know the branches always have problems this time of the year. Maybe you should get your father to fix it.”
“Why would I when Riftan can fix it and make more money.”
“Because you could be nicer to the rest of us who want to see him happy. You know, he still hasn’t be—”
“Yeah, I know. Let us into the club Hebaron.”
“I never took you for a Blackpink fan.”
“They’re fine, but my friend here likes them,” Agnes said, slinging her hand around Maxi’s shoulders.
She could feel Hebaron stare at her for a moment, his gaze feeling hot on her hair.
“Maxi?” he breathed out.
Her head shot up in surprise and panic.
“When did you return to Anatol?”
“A little wh-while ago,” she replied.
Hebaron nodded, beginning to say something before sighing. “Go in and have fun. I should have known that Agnes would come here with you. You always did like k-pop.”
Maxi nodded, thankful when Agnes immediately pulled her inside.
But she still glimpsed Hebaron patting the other bouncer on the back. “—a call,” she caught him say as he walked away.
“Come on!” Agnes yelled at her as the music washed over them. “You said you liked Blackpink!”
“You d-don’t think…” she trailed off as she looked back at Agnes. It wouldn’t matter anyway if Hebaron called him. He was in the capital, nowhere near Anatol. Even if Hebaron would get through to him, it would take half a day for him to return, and she would be safe at home in her apartment by then.
Agnes pulled her straight over to the bar as two songs mixed together, passing Maxi a couple of shots to drink. “Come on and have fun!” She yelled at Maxi over the music.
Maxi nodded and followed, taking the last drink that she was passed as her brain started to get that good feeling of tipsy. Still sober enough to work properly—although she wouldn’t drive—but fuzzy enough to make everything feel good.
It took a few moments to feel comfortable on the dance floor, following Agnes around closer to the dj booth. But it was fun once she started dancing with the rest of the people there.
She hadn’t felt this good since…
She shouldn’t think about him. This was supposed to be a good time. Having fun in her favourite city, loud music pounding at her ears, and people around who didn’t know who she was.
Freedom.
After all that time locked inside. All of that time studying.
She could finally be free.
“—the revolution”
Maxi closed her eyes for a moment, raising her arms in the air like the rest of the people around her.
The alcohol seemed to be setting in, her mind feeling light as she swayed for a moment, feeling the beat move through her body so close to the speakers that she could feel the bass rattling her bones.
She opened her eyes, drawn to the shadowy edges of the club.
A muscular body was there, so familiar, yet not. Her eyes moved to his face, and she turned away, sure that it was a trick of the mind.
He was in the capital, not here in Anatol.
“We go dumb dumb dumb.”
She sighed, closing her eyes and turning away once more.
He wouldn’t be here.
But… maybe. It wouldn’t hurt to check.
She looked back to that shadowy corner.
There was nothing.
She was imagining it.
She shook her head and laughed, turning back to look at Agnes.
Her arms were pulled as soon as Agnes noticed, dragged towards her.
“Having fun?” was yelled into her ear.
“Yeah!” she replied, a smile taking over her face as she replied to Agnes.
“Good! I knew you would.”
Maxi nodded, letting go of Agnes’ hands to dance again for a few moments.
It had slowed down a bit once she moved to go and get water, another song flowing into the next as she finished the glass, placing it back down on the counter, nodding to the bartender.
She was pulled to a darker corner of the dance floor, a familiar hand grasping her as her tipsy mind raced to catch up.
“Hello sweetheart,” a voice said, and she looked up.
The face made her freeze. Familiar, one that she hadn’t seen in three years, when he had left her crying.
“It’s been too long,” he continued, his hands touching her body, almost mirroring the song playing in the background, somehow more faded than it had been before he had touched her.
She couldn’t say anything, and then he was kissing her.
She missed it. Over the last three years. His hands holding her close, as if she was the most precious thing in the entire world. So gentle with her, even when his kisses were passionate, and almost forceful.
Somehow it felt like she had never been away, her arms wrapping around his neck.
She shouldn’t. The memory of him leaving her crying in the foyer fresh in her mind from that nightmare.
But they had always been like two magnets attracted to each other. Interconnected, never repelling each other. Maybe it had always been a sign that they were made for each other.
She wouldn’t argue with it though. Maybe they were. She would never know.
But still, this wasn’t the greeting after the breakup that she expected.
He pulled away, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip as she watched. Her mind felt so strange. Like she had been dying of thirst, and had finally been given water.
“I missed you,” he said, bending down to kiss her once more, her lips parting as he licked at them. “These three years, I missed you. And now you return, looking like this, dancing like this… Maxi… you drive me crazy.”
She nodded, looking up at him.
She shouldn’t. She shouldn’t start this again. If it happened once more, it would kill her. But then he said those words…
“How about we leave this party sweetheart,” almost at the same time as the lyrics in the song. “Cause all I want is you up on me, like old times.” His hand grasped at her thighs, his fingers tracing the short skirt of her dress.
There was that whisper of promise in his voice. Of what her life had been like. How nice it had been in bed, to have sex with him, how he seemed to know every little part of her. It was a very worryless life when she was honest. Able to stay inside and bask in his attention when he was home. It was something that a part of her had yearned for over the last 3 years.
How could she say no?
His hand had moved to her back, gently pulling on her hair, another on her hips, stroking circles into them the way she remembered.
“O-okay,” she replied, and he smiled.
They were out of the club within moments, pushing her into the back of an suv without even being able to tell Agnes what had happened, his hands back on her, trailing up her sides as he kissed her forcefully, almost pushing her into the material of the backseat.
She paused for a moment, staring frozen at the front seats through the little window. She remembered this car. The back separated from the front by a wall, just a little window that could be closed.
He seemed to notice, his hand raising to the window cover, pushing it over the small opening as his other hand held the back of her neck, his thumb tracing her jaw before moving to the pulse of her throat.
He lent down, licking a line straight from her collarbone to jaw.
She couldn’t stop the moan that left her.
She missed this, when he seemed to almost lose control, pushing her into whichever surface was closest.
He groaned against her skin, his head falling to rest beside her own.
“God sweetheart, I just want to…” he trailed off, kissing her as his hand moved to her inner things, his fingers tracing over the seam of her tights.
“N-not here,” she said when his hand started creeping up to find the waistband of her tights. She pushed his face away from her, moving back for a moment.
“Why not? We’ve done worse.”
“I would r-rather be inside. N-not in a car w-with your driver listening.”
He nodded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
It shot straight to her belly. Warmth pooling and rising, remembering all those years ago when he rose from between her thighs, wiping his face the same way as she could barely see him above her heaving breasts.
He kissed her once more, mouth open and his tongue licking at the seam of her mouth. She opened in response, and relaxed at the familiarity. Three years felt like nothing now, his hands roaming her body, their chests pushed together,
It felt as if a fire had rekindled. Fast and easily, as if it had never been put out. Smouldering just under the surface, waiting for the fuel to reignite.
She felt it as the car slowly stopped, Riftan pulling away from her and opening the small window to check in with the driver. He nodded as he heard something, and then the back door was opened.
Riftan left the car, coming back to grasp her legs, pulling her out of the car. She was pulled into his arms, then slung over his shoulder the next moment.
She froze at the feeling, his hand massaging the back of her thighs as he began walking. All she could feel was the warm air, and his shoulder digging into her stomach. A door closed, a lock engaging immediately afterwards. A hand moved to caress her ass, reaching for the waistband once more.
She knew from the warm air that they were inside his house, and she let him do it. There was no reason to worry anymore, the door was locked, no one could come in, and it was like it used to be.
The air smelled of him. Of course it would, it had been three years without her there.
She was dropped onto his bed, immediately taken back to times where he would look at her the same way he was now. Standing at the end of the bed, gazing at her as if she was a goddess incarnate. How could she feel naked already?
“Fucking hell, you’ll be the death of me once more,” he said, pulling off his shirt, letting her see his chest. Oh how she missed it over the last few years. Left with only seeing in it images on her phone, tears leaking from her eyes as she remembered that he wasn’t there with her.
But now he was back in front of her, pulling her to the edge of the bed. His hands were trailing up her things and side once more, trying to find the waistband of both her tights and underwear. He pulled them down as soon as he found it, leaving her lower half bare as he groaned.
“Fuck I missed you. I missed this,” he said, pulling her hips closer to him. His hand was between her thighs in the next moment, pushing them apart as his thumb grazed her entrance.
Everything felt warm, almost drunk in the feeling of finally being touched. Three years of nothing. Not even being able to bear touching herself while at Nornui, reminded of this, of his mouth already beginning to lick at the seam of her, lapping up the wetness that was leaving her.
A whine left her at the feeling, the dress feeling too hot and scratchy on her skin as he continued, a finger entering after just a few moments. He used a hand to pull one of her legs over his shoulder. It already made it feel different, deeper and closer.
She could barely reach down to him, instead finding the hand on her stomach and grasping it. He pushed down on her belly, making her cry out.
“Come on sweetheart,” he said, the words mumbled against her, before moving to run his tongue against her, reaching her clit as he sucked on it.
She couldn’t do anything but squirm, her pulse hot and rushing in her ears until it finally broke, his name leaving her in a cry.
She could feel him smiling as he got up, no longer between her thighs as he wiped his face with the back of his hand, pretending as if he didn’t even notice the wetness glistening on it.
His hands trailed up her dress, moving from her hips up to her breasts as he moved to straddle her.
“Do you want to keep the dress?” he asked, his hands splayed on her breasts.
“I… I c-can’t think,” she replied, shaking her head as if it would get her out of this haze. It didn’t help, not when his hands were warm on her heaving breasts, his fingers shifting in place against her bare skin. “Y-yes? I d-don’t know…”
He nodded, rolling her over to access the back zip and undoing it. “If only it was strapless,” he said. “I could just drag it down, and already have access to your breasts.” His hand swiped down her spine, making her shiver.
She nodded, letting him move her arms to take the dress off. His head immediately dropped to her chest as soon as the dress was gone. One of his hands kept pulling it down until she could feel the material hanging around her knees.
She really couldn’t have expected anything less. Her hands grasped at his hair, pulling him closer. It was so easy to just fall back into this, remembering the way that he would caress her, that he knew every inch of her body better than she did.
“Fuck,” he said softly, kissing her breast. “It feels like no time at all, and all I can think is how much I missed this.”
She whined as he sucked a nipple into his mouth, his hand moving in between her thighs once more. His fingers entered her once more, reminding her of what she really wanted. How she wanted him to fill her once more, like all those years ago, his body unyielding against hers as she was pushed down into the mattress, or whatever material he was fucking her against.
“R-Riftan,” she said, her voice seemingly small and about to break. “I d-don’t want that. I want… I w-wan–”
“Tell me what you want Maxi. I can’t give you what you want unless you tell me.”
“Ah… ah I want you t-to fuck me.” She could barely focus with his fingers moving within her, the squelching of her wetness as she tried to move away, to get his hand out from between her thighs so that it could be replaced.
“Not yet.”
“Why not?” It turned into a cry as his thumb reached up to swipe at her clit once more, bringing an orgasm close. Too close. She wanted him within her for her second one at least. He had already denied her that for the first one.
“It’s been a long time sweetheart, I want to make sure that you won’t hurt. I’ve waited too long for this, and knowing you—”
She didn’t hear the rest of what he said, an orgasm breaking over her like ocean waves against a shore, and she was unable to take in any information except for the feeling of his warm hands against her, the threads of the comforter against her back, and the material of his clothes against her when he should be bare.
Her legs were still shaking when she felt as if she had returned to her body, and Riftan left her for barely a moment. She sat up, watching him as he removed his shirt and pants. It was silent except for his clothes falling to the floor and their breathing, hers much heavier.
“It feels as if I’m dreaming,” he said, and she nodded in response. “Having you back here,” he kneeled on the bed, his arms caging her in as he leant down to kiss her.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back as his leg moved, his knee somehow making its way between her closed legs, opening them up so that he could rest between them.
His body was against hers in the next moment, his chest pressing down against her own, and she could feel the length of him against her thigh, somehow making her feel like melting. So close to her, and yet so far.
She moved a hand, reaching it down, trailing it along his side as he let out a grunt until she was finally wrapping her hand around his length.
She paused, breaking away from their kiss as she realised how large it was. Had he gotten bigger over the last three years? It seemed larger than what she remembered, than how it felt in those damn dreams where he fucked her, and she sucked him off like they used to.
Her eyes widened, realising that this was maybe the reason why he had already brought her to climax twice. It would be fine, they had had sex before. A lot before.
“Do you not…” he asked, his voice sounding small.
“No, I…” oh god he was going to have such a large ego after this. “I f-forgot how large you a-are.”
“Really?” He pulled away, a sultry smile on his face. “You think I’m large?”
“You’re an oaf.”
“Maybe.” He sat up, moving his legs once more so that they were outside of her own as he shifted her to lie on her belly. “But I’m an oaf you’d like to fuck.”
She squirmed for a moment, finding her arms pulled above her head as his head kissed the side of her neck.
“Because this is what you wanted now isn’t it Maxi. What we’ve always wanted. Being close together, never apart.” His hand closed around both of her own, holding her close as his other moved to pull her up by her waist. His legs shifted to between her own once more, and she struggled to accommodate him with her dress still wrapped around her legs. “Tell me what you want, Maxi, and I’ll do it.”
“Please,” she replied, feeling as if there were tears of frustration falling down her cheeks. “Riftan, p-please. I… I want you to fuck me.”
“All you had to do was ask sweetheart,” he said, his hand grasping himself before his length was sinking into her.
It felt strange, but oh so familiar. It had been three years, and it felt like it, but also like no time at all. She was sure that she would have fallen if his hand was not holding up her waist when he was fully sheathed, his hips against her ass as he kissed her neck once more, and she could feel a laugh bubbling through his chest against her back.
He was slow to move, seeming to relish taking his time, even when she pushed herself against him, trying to get him to speed up, or at least thrust more forcefully.
But it didn’t work, instead, he pushed her down with his hips, his hand moving to her breast while he mouthed at her neck.
All she could do was clench down on him, rolling her hips to try and get more pleasure from it. Maxi did have to admit that even though he was slow to move, and seemed to love making her needy, the gentle and slow thrusts were pleasurable. Dragging against her walls, spending the time to slowly open her up as if he needed her to be more placid and relaxed, and this was just warming her up.
His hand left her breast, moving to stroke her clit and she cried out, her legs losing the ability to keep her up, her body resting against the comforter. His hand was still there, swiping at her clit and entrance, almost as if he was reaching to feel himself entering her with every thrust before his body was lying atop of hers once more, his forehead resting against her shoulder as he pushed her down.
Her breasts chafed against the sheets as he changed to pound into her, almost violently while she tried to hide her moans and cries into the sheets. It felt as if there was too much friction, even as another orgasm crashed against her, and he slowed for a few moments, kissing her cheek and letting her go.
Only to turn her over and sink into her once more, kissing her as he pushed his chest against hers.
She couldn’t move her arms, it felt as if she had no feeling left within them as he pulled one to rest over his neck before his hand moved to lift her leg. His hand wrapped around her thigh, pulling her leg over his hip.
It felt deeper, his thrusts harsh and never ending.
This was what she had missed, the roughness of him within their bed that she felt comfortable within. Sharing the deepest desires with him that he would always fill.
“One last time Maxi, can you come for me one last time sweetheart?” he said, his thrusts becoming harsher and stuttering.
She nodded, unable to say anything as only cries left her, knowing that she was close to that peak one last time as his hand moved to her clit, circling it, adding pressure until she finally came, weaker than the last few times.
His hips stuttered, pushing himself deep into her.
It was silent for a few moments, and tiredness seemed to lick at her limbs. She fought it a little, not with any heart.
“Go to sleep Maxi. I’ll be here when you wake.”
A kiss against her forehead was the last thing that she felt as she slipped into sleep.
“You still have those same habits,” Riftan said softly as she woke up.
She stared at him for a moment, taking in the situation She was in his arms, nestled against his bare chest, one of his sweatshirts pulled over her. He was wearing sweatpants at least, even if she was still naked from the waist down. She could feel them against her skin. Soft, like all of his lounging clothes.
“Th-this was a mistake,” Maxi said, pulling his arms off of her. Everything hurt, and she felt worn out, her body sated and sore as she remembered everything that had happened. How willing she was to let him fuck her. As if he hadn’t said those things to her three years ago.
As if he hadn’t broken her heart the day that he left her.
“Don’t say that Maxi. Nothing with you could ever be a mistake.”
“You t-told me to not return. Th-that you wouldn’t wait for me. Of c-course this was a mistake. You’re cheating on another girl with me.” Tears filled her eyes as she pushed at his chest, her arms hurting as she did so.
“I’m not Maxi,” his hands pulled her back down. “I said those things with anger in the moment, but I never meant that one. I haven’t been with anyone since you left.”
“Y-you hurt me.” Tears finally dripped down as she tried to hit his chest. He let her, but his expression only fell to sadness as her hands uselessly thumped at his chest.
“I know. But I will make it up to you, in any way that I can, believe me.”
“No. Y-you’ll just say that, and become p-possessive and stifling once more, n-never letting me go places by m-myself. If I get back with you, I will h-have to quit my job. I will have n-no freedom, just like th-those last weeks three years ago.”
“I’ve changed. I realised that I fucked up the moment that I got home and couldn’t find anything of yours. Not even a piece of silverware out of place. Sanitised as if you had never been there. I felt as if I was underwater, struggling to find the surface as everything just kept pulling me down more and more and more. Then finally Ruth dragged me to therapy, the rest of them telling me that I was unrecognisable.”
“Just b-because you went once doesn’t mean a-anything.”
“No. I kept going, I still go weekly. It’s taken a long time for me to understand the trauma that I have leftover from my childhood. The traces of my mother are still left within me, but I’m getting better. I enjoy it. It’s been good going to therapy.
“Maxi, I want to get back together. I have waited three years for you to return. And, if any part of you still holds love for me, give it a chance please. I’m going to keep going to therapy, and I think that if we went to a couples one, it would be the best for both of us.”
She sighed, turning away for a moment. Those words three years ago still hurt, still cut deep. But she could give him a chance. He did seem better than he had been before she left. And she could always leave. Agnes would promise to always help her find a way out.
And he knew what he had done wrong, and was trying to rectify it. Riftan, in therapy. It was something that she would not believe in a million years, and yet he was telling her that he was in it. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad.
“Okay. We c-can try again.”
He smiled. It was boyish, and made him look so much younger.
How could she not say yes to him?