Tales of a Spy

by StarsOfTheMoon

Summary:

A death eater meeting gone wrong. Snape arrives 5 hours late to an Order meeting, and consequences are disastrous, with the trust fracturing between him and the rest of the Order. An incident sure to leave deep wounds and tainted scars. As the story progresses, it will soon fit the tags.

Inspired by this work by UnknownFilters: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32437375/chapters/80431555

No head-on smut. Mature because of dark themes. Don’t like, don’t read. MIND THE TAGS.

Notes:

Okay, so this is my first work here and I’m navigating through this whole process.
Please. Don’t like, don’t read. Don’t criticise me about the darkness of it all later.
Constructive criticism is okay.

Chapter 1: Chapter 0

 

 

Ever wondered how’s it like to be a spy?

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Sinking…

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Sinking…

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Sinking…

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Drowned.

Ever wondered how’s it like to belong nowhere?

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Well, now you know.

Tales of a Spy

by StarsOfTheMoon

Disclaimer: I am not having any profit by this, and am just writing for fun. The world of Harry Potter and the characters all belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.

Notes:

A stupid intro

Chapter 2: Chapter 1

Summary:

Snape is late and there are consequences. The Order is lazy.

Corrected typos and mistakes: 10 November 2023

Notes:

2 bookmarks, 14 kudos and 200 hits already!? It’s an achievement with a stupid intro and all this before the real chapter being posted. And it’s my first work here! Thank you all!

The meeting had been..usual, at the least. Instead of torturing muggles, well, the Dark Lord had taken to punish all Death Eaters for their foolish and unnecessary mistakes on urgent and important missions which could put the lord in critical danger of being found. Quoted straight from the Dark Lord himself. And he, ah, he specifically had made fatal mistakes both on the sides of the war. Sighing, he assessed the damage from where he was leaning against a tree in the forbidden forest. Usually he would go straight to Grimmuald Place and the Order meeting, seeing as he was too late already. But he was also too injured, and headed to his quarters to heal himself. Nobody should know. Nobody knows and it should be kept that way.

---

“It’s been what- 5 hours, Albus! How can you still trust that man? He might be on Voldemort’s side!” Moody grumbled. He had just woken up from a 3 hour nap. The rest of the Order except Minerva, Albus and him had already left for bed 2 hours ago. Mad-Eye unfortunately had fallen asleep in his chair and was suffering a bad back and neck pain. He stretched and yawned.

Minerva was actually having second-thoughts about the Potions Master. He had never been so late to an Order meeting, especially ones held after he had been called. She knew it wasn’t good for her to doubt him, but she couldn’t help. She felt a crack in her trust and respect for the man.

Albus had clear concern written all over his face and anxiousness swam in his eyes like a lost boat in the Pacific. Of course he would be worried about Severus, she thought. She can’t help wondering if he was doubting Snape too. Just a 2 more hours and dawn would break.

“Albus, can I ask something, if you don’t mind?” Asked Moody.

“Of course, Alastor. Go on.” Albus smiled, the grandfatherly warmth wiping out the concern from his eyes for a moment.

“Why are we still waiting? Most of the Order has already gone to sleep. You can leave a note for him if he comes, and hold the meeting tomorrow morning. It’s summer vacation, anyways.”

“Hmm…you might be correct, Alastor. What do you think, Minerva?”

“Oh, it’s perfectly okay with me. Even I’m pretty drowsy.” The Transfiguration professor blinked sleepily.

“Fine, then.” The headmaster said, getting up. “Accio!” He summoned a quill and parchment and wrote a short message:

Severus, my boy;

I am worried about you. You did not return on time and are very late. Because of this, the meeting has been scheduled tomorrow morning, as we are very sleepy. Meet us here after breakfast.

Sincerely,

The old man.

“Old man? He doesn’t even respect you!” Moody scoffed.
“Silence, Alastor. It’s just the same as we call you Mad-Eye.” Minerva was getting tired of his bitching.

“Fine.” Moody grumbled and the three left to sleep.

---

For some reason, he was afraid. He knows he shouldn’t be, but he was afraid. And this time, it wasn’t the Dark Lord. It was Albus. He was afraid that he might have lost some trust in his spy, disappointed-

Oh shut it.

Hesitantly, he cast a tempus and went to slither between the numbers 11 and 13. He had hurriedly wrapped up his wounds and they were bleeding, nothing much that he can’t handle, from apparating. Dawn was about to break and he gulped down his anxiety, putting up his Occlumency shields. He wondered if they were still waiting for him. Black must be asleep, that lazy mutt.

He entered the house as quietly as a stray cat, and found a note on the kitchen counter. As his eyes scanned the note, he felt anger replace the bubbling anxiety. He had stayed awake for many nights, injured and trembling, and yet he still came to the meetings. They postponed the meeting just because they were sleepy! He could’ve tended to his wounds better and they won’t have torn if he hadn’t apparated. He will have to do so again, and his could only hope that his wounds don’t become worse. He went outside the wards, closed his eyes…focus, you idiot!

 He landed on his back on the books scattered in his bedroom. Turns out even he was exhausted and Magic wanted to rest. Feeling something wet, he stood up and noticed the precious books stained red. This had happened many, many, times before. He had even created a spell. It only cleared away the blood, and the ink is untouched. He had also presented it to the Dark Lord to clear evidence, but unfortunately he liked to leave traces that people were tortured here. He got the Cruciatus as a reward.

“Sanguiit!” (sanguis+abiit = blood+gone)

He watched in satisfaction as the all the blood was cleaned away from the books. He undressed and looked at his wounds. Vulunera Sanentur would not help him this time.

Notes:

Short…yeah I know but it will get longer soon…

Chapter 3: Chapter 2

Summary:

This chapter took 4 pages on word, okay? I hope this was worth the wait. The dialogues which are both bold and italicised have a major influence on the story. Sorry for the OOCness of this entire story.

Notes:

Gosh! I didn’t except so many Hits and Kudos already! Siriusly;) you guys are amazing. This chap is longer than the previous ones- I (somehow) finally managed to write 1637 words, with a maths exam and a science exam coming up.

A naked injured man lay upon his bed that night, trembling with the aftermath of torture. A long and deep cut ran from his left shoulder, tracing along his chests, narrowly missing his heart and just a tiny part of his right nipple, where it disappeared, along his right chest, to his back.

 

“Bella, wouldn’t want to waste your precious knife and dirty it with a pathetic half-blood.” Rodolphus smirked at the last two words.

 

“Are you calling the Dark Lord pathetic, Rusty Rod?” Bellatrix asked her husband threateningly. A dark figure laying on the ground stopped moving.

 

“No-you got me all wrong, Bella-”

 

“Crucio!”  The curse was directed at ‘Rusty Rod’.

 

“Here’s for you, Snivellus.” The knife rested, ever sharp, on the dark figure’s shoulder. As it nearly cut his right nipple he turned around defensively, with his stomach on the floor. The knife did not change its position, thus cutting along till his back.

 

Claw marks on his back and shoulders. Scars on his arms. An ink black mark on his left forearm, a mark of his sins. Deep wounds on his legs, not quite closed up. A dog bite mark on one of the legs. Bruises on his stomach. Various other old scars – of leather, probably – litter his lower and middle back, some on his upper arms. Curved marks of human nails on both his palms and a human bite mark on the back of left hand. He snaps his eyes open, quietly, as always. He didn’t thrash or scream in his nightmares.

A puppet. A pawn.

A mastermind.

---

 

“What? That greasy git still didn’t come?” Sirius Black’s surprised voice echoed down the lonely hallway of 12 Grimmauld Place. “A’bus, b’ybe he ‘eally is becominth a Deth Eathert.” He remarked, stuffing toast inside his mouth. The blue-eyed not-so-innocent headmaster smiled at his childishness.

Accounting for their lost childhood, it seems.

Little does Albus Dumbledore know…

“Molly, pass me more toast!”

 

“I didn’t think you were a foodie, Sirius.” Molly said, laughing.

 

“I am, and a very Sirius one at that.” He said, grinning. Bits of toast could be seen stuck in his tooth. The table burst into a fit of laughter. How innocent he seemed, really, as if he never went to Azkaban…

He is repeating the same mistakes…

“Finish up breakfast fast. Severus will be coming here soon.”

 

“Now you’re breaking the fast, Albus. And you’re making us break it fast!” Sirius and the others laughed at this pretty much lame joke.

And this time..

So innocent, Albus thought sadly.

 

Knock knock

 

“Fuck! The greasy git’s here!” Maybe not so innocent, ‘fuck’ after all?

It will cost him.

Black beady eyes peered from the sides of a long nose. Disgust was evident on his face as his gaze fell on the kitchen table and its occupants. Especially one – Sirius Black. The said man was sneering at said eyes, and the eyes sneered back. Black’s clothing – still in his nightgown – had crumbs of rusk and bits of toasts on it, and his teeth looked like he hadn’t brushed once in his life.

 

Better than yours.

 

Shut up.

 

Sighing, he once again drew up his Occlumency shields in a blink – the injuries couldn’t possibly have been that bad to affect them. He’s just overreacting.

 

He cleared his throat. “If you are so busy eating right now, I can-”

 

“Nonsense, Severus. You’re staying just right here. Come, have a another breakfast.” Molly shushed him. Snape scrunched up his nose in disgust.

 

“No, thank you Molly. I just had breakfast and would rather wait than…sit in an unclean and unhygienic kitchen.” Thank you Molly for making this more difficult. Just then, a pop was heard behind the tall man. He turned around in surprise.

 

“Blood Traitors have messed up Mistress’s kitchen? Kreacher will have to clean it again!! Out, filthy traitors, you lot have been dining for almost an hour!” The poor house-elf rambled on and out of annoyance, the people finally left the kitchen. Snape just watched with an eyebrow raised. The elf did not say anything to him. He just hoped he wouldn’t say anything about his connection with Regulus out loud. The Order would ask…unwanted questions.

 

“Why aren’t you saying anything to Snivellus?” Did you just had to ask that, Black?

 

“Sir may be half-blood but he hates his muggle blood. It wasn’t by choice he was born with filthy blood and sir treats Kreacher nicely and Kreacher respects sir. Sir is young Master’s -elf sob- friend. The only good friend.”

 

Sirius never thought that he would ever see an emotion apart from hatred and loathing on the house-elf’s face. Tears were streaming down the big eyes, dripping down on the floor and cleaning it. Even their tears don’t go waste, he thought. Maybe house-elves are powerful.

 

“Come, everybody. Let’s just go to the living room.” Molly said in an attempt to cheer up the atmosphere. Lupin agreed with her. Snape and Black followed quietly, glaring daggers at each other. No one noticed that a certain twinkle in a certain wizard’s eyes was gone.

 

Nobody spoke anything until Black spoke up. “What’re we waiting for? I want to get this walking grease can out of my house as soon as possible.”

 

“Shut it with the childishness, Sirius. We’re waiting for Alastor and Tonks.” Molly answered. Sirius smirked at Lupin’s blush at the mention of Tonks.

 

“She’s too young for you, wolf. If you were teaching at Hogwarts at that time, you’d be her teacher. I was.” Snape remarked. Sirius immediately jumped to his best friend’s defence.

 

Always the loyal dog.

“Have you ever loved, Snape? Of course, you haven’t. Spending your days torturing people just for sport and fun? Killing them on a whim? Who are you to talk about love? What do you know about spending 12 years in Azkaban, longing for revenge? What do you know?” The man’s voice was increasing every word and he was practically shouting by the end of the last word. While speaking he had stood up and had grabbed the Death Eater by the front of his robes, pulled him up from the sofa and held him against the nearest wall.

 

“Tell me!” He shouted, “Tell me what do you know about pain? About suffering? About love and sacrifice? Nothing.” The dark clothed man did not fight back. He didn’t say anything – he kept quiet.

 

“Coward!”

 

“Enough!” Yelled Dumbledore. Their grappling was getting out of hand. “Molly, Minerva, please go to the other sofa. Both of you! Come sit with me!”

 

Growling, the Animagus let go of the Death Eater and the both sat on opposite sides with Albus. Sirius towards his left and Snape towards his right. What a way to mock me, thought the spy, Gryffindors will always be his right-hands, thank you for reminding me.

 

“Now,” Albus started, leaning back in the sofa, “Introduce yourself to each other.”

 

(-said together)

“What? No way.” Sirius barked.

“A mutt isn’t worth my time.” Snape sneered.

 

Molly sighed. So did Lupin. Dumbledore put his head in his hands. Just then they heard they main door open and close, with footsteps stopping outside the kitchen. He removed head from his hands, and rested them on his lap. There was gasp of surprise. A pair of footsteps, fast paced, entered the living room.

 

“The kitchen and the rest of the house is so clean! I – oh sorry, hi there cousin, hello Remus, Dumbledore and Molly. Arthur’s not here? Minerva, hello to you too. Ah, you too Snape.” Tonks’ hair has turned a very unique shade of vermillion-ish pink. She was probably excited about something or surprised. Maybe both, former for Lupin and the latter for ‘so clean’.

 

Of course, I’m the last person she wishes hello, thought Snape. He would prefer to tune out the greetings, but in this situation it’s highly likely he will be questioned early.

 

“Hello, Tonks! Arthur’s right behind you!” Another voice, Arthur’s chimed in. “Moody! Come ‘ver here!”

 

“Aye.” A grumbling Mad-Eye stepped in and found himself a place in the living room. Molly magically got them a glass of water.

 

“Snape.” Growled Moody. “You kept us quite awake last night.”

 

“Yes, you did Severus. I take it as that you were busy?” Dumbledore asked, politely.

 

“Of course I was I was busy. Why else would I miss an important Order meeting?” The potions master snapped back. He was getting wary of this.

 

“I don’t know, to shag with You-Know-Who?” Sirius smirked. “And maybe that’s probably true.”

 

“Enough, Sirius! Now that everyone has arrived, we can start the meeting.” Minerva pursed her lips.

 

“Well, then Severus shall begin with his report.”

 

“The Dark Lord had punished the Death Eaters for their incompetence.” He left out the all, “He is still in denial about the killing curse not affected H-Potter.” He hoped nobody had noticed his slip – he had almost called Potter Harry. “He will still try to use it on him and is making plans to capture the boy. He told us that the plan would be lain out to us next week.”

 

“Harry! My poor godson! He has to suffer so much in his short life.” Sirius whined. Like actually the dog whine.

 

 Black’s whine struck something inside Snape. “Shut up. It’s not even that bad.” At this, the mutt stood up and slapped his palms against the table. Hard.

 

“What would you know?”

 

“ENOUGH, FOR THE SECOND THE TIME!” Dumbledore bellowed. He was getting tired of this.

 

“The mutt started it-”

 

“The Death Eater started it!”

 

“SHUT UP! The meeting is aborted. Severus, you may leave.” Dumbledore said, standing up. Sirius swallowed at his expression. He felt like a school boy again. Getting into trouble.

 

“Yes, headmaster.” With a nod, he left.

 

Sighing, Dumbledore turned to Sirius.

 

“Now, listen to me Sirius…”

Notes:

Ik it got boring towards the end but I have something exciting planned coming up next chap..

Chapter 4: Chapter 3

Summary:

Short but I hope it’s worth the wait. Sincere apologies for typos and mistakes. Finally the incident happens which I was eager to write about!!

1K HITS OMG!!
SO MANY KUDOS Tysm!!!

Notes:

Okay, here we go. Exams have ended and school had begun. Go check out my other story, if u like Drarry. Pls excuse the OOCness of this story, I’m trying hard to write Snape in-character.

This story, as most of mine do, has a build of, appropriately 10 chapters maybe. I wrote this when I was sleep deprived okay.

Making sure that Snape had really left, Dumbledore shifted closer to Sirius, who had returned to sitting by his side.

 

“I am disappointed in you.”

 

“Al-Albus?” Sirius swallowed. He didn’t want Albus to be disappointed in him. His mother’s words came back to his mind. “You disappoint me. How can you me my son?”

 

 Sighing, the headmaster continued, “I expected better from you, Sirius. It seems like Severus is not the only one who is still holding on to this petty childhood rivalry. You should be grown up by now.

 

If only I had the chance to, Sirius thought.

 

---

He had left at the first opportunity he got because he needed to out of this place. Black’s words still rung in his head. What if it was true? Shut it, he knew what Black said was true. Those were facts. These are thoughts that he would’ve thought if he was 10, but now he is 35. Black’s insults didn’t get to him emotionally. At least, not directly.

 

He knows that if he had felt like that, it would be Black’s victory. The mutt wanted him to feel like that – otherwise he wouldn’t even have spoken the words. He can tell what people want of him, what they expect, what they want to do to him. Years with the Dark Lord had given him extra senses.

 

For the next few days, he avoided Albus as much as he could. Until his weekly summons and Order meetings.

 

“Severusss…” The Dark Lord hissed his name as he knelt in front of him.

 

 He didn’t want to go to Grimmauld place. It felt…tiring.

 

Dead, frozen lips like dry ice on his own.

 

 But alas, he was obligated to.

 

---

 

Dumbledore’s words never left him. They echoed in his mind, bouncing off his skull like a muggle basketball on concrete. This night was the long awaited, long dreaded meeting. As always, he was the first to enter the kitchen apart from Remus and Molly. Kreacher still kept the kitchen clean since the last Order meeting. Snivellus would be here.

 

“Sirius.” Remus and Molly greeted him. He just ignored them, which Remus frowned at. Dumbledore was the next one to appear and slowly the rest of the Order came, Tonks a bit early this time since there was no special mission for her today. Snape was last. Again, but he never really came early and at least he was not hours late. But today, he could just not find the energy to bicker with him, and ignored his grumbled “Mutt.”

 

“Sirius, are you alright?” Remus, oh, poor, poor, Remus asked him. Always the kind and gentle one.

 

“I’m fine.” He replied in a monotone voice. Something flared up in Snape’s eyes but was gone in a blink. Does that man even blink?

 

 He didn’t know how much time went by, until Dumbledore called out his name. Only then he realized he had zoned out for the entire Order meeting and had no clue of what happened.

 

“Sirius, I ask you for the second time, are you alright?” Remus’ voice rung through his confusion. He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. He was about to say he was fine, but his mouth had other plans.

 

“I…I’m not.” He whispered, barely audible. He could see Snape sneer and the man was about to make a snarky remark when Dumbledore raised a hand to stop him from doing so. He was surprised when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, but did not move his gaze from the floor.

 

Suddenly, it all became too much. James and Lily’s deaths, Peter’s betrayal, his guilt when he found out that Remus was actually innocent, losing his youth in Azkaban and the responsibility of Harry. The latter wasn’t a burden, no, but he reminded him too much of James. And Azkaban. The worst of it all.

 

Before he realized it, he was openly sobbing in front of the entire Order. He knew that he will be embarrassed about it later, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. But oh- Snivellus was here. That thought made him tense up and he stopped crying. As if Dumbledore was reading his thoughts, he asked Snape to leave. His voice seemed more closer than before and he held his breath until the spy had left.

 

The warm hand removed itself from his shoulder, and he tensed up at the loss of contact. In less than a second he felt two arms wrapping around him and pulling him close to a chest. He let go. He let go all of the pain he had been holding up since the past 15 years – yes, 3 years before Azkaban too. His own arms hugged his comforter. Sobs wracked his body and seemingly endless tears stained the other man’s, Remus, judging from the fabric, robes. He could faintly hear his friend whispering gentle words to him.

 

After what felt like an eternity, he stopped crying. He let a few minutes pass before looking up. Most of the Order, thankfully, had left, with only Albus, Remus and Tonks sitting near him.

 

---

 

Of course he had been shooed out again. Anger was bubbling beneath his skin – it was indeed a strange feeling. Anger was building up inside of him, and he could literally feel his blood boiling and flowing through his body. Covering the feeling was a strange outside calm, like a sea hiding the dangerous sharks which lurked beneath. He knew he could not let his anger lose. No matter what happened, he won’t and he can’t lose control. Later this anger will be brought up again to cast powerful Crucios.

 

Be it an act of incompetence, stubbornness or foolishness, he cast a strong disillusionment charm on himself and did not go away.

 

As the scene unravelled, he could still feel the anger pulsing beneath like a volcano corked on top. How come Black, a murderer who got away with trying to take my life, has the freedom to express such petty emotions while he is cursed to stay in the shadows? Black did not want his here, he was thrown out of the meeting abruptly for the second time.

 

He watched the wolf comfort the mutt with jealousy igniting his heart, if there was one. He felt so out of control inside but you could hardly tell he was feeling rage beneath the surface – his body was calm, too calm. He felt like one of those muggle bombs whose fuse had burned to the end but the bomb did not explode as it was defective.

His eyes laid themselves on Albus. He felt something -betrayal?- between the anger. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and opened them again. Silently he walked to the back door, the sound of Black’s sobs as clear as the anger inside him. Stepping out and quietly closing the door behind him, he apparated away.

Notes:

This is my first crying-comfort scene which went horribly wrong. Please tell me in the comments how was it. Complements and criticism, both are welcome.

ON ‘SHOOED OUT AGAIN’: If you’ve read the previous chapters and for the sake of the story just think that the rejection faced by him in first Order meeting of this story counts here. I was sleep deprived when I wrote this chapter so you’ll just have to deal with it.

Chapter 5: Chapter 4

Summary:

A dangerous new task. Trusts on the borderline. Tension increasing. What is this all building up to?

Notes:

OMG OVER 100 KUDOS IN LESS THAN 6 CHAPTERS TYSM!!!
I’m so grateful!!!

I’m so sorry! Thankfully the exams have been postponed and the winter break preponed here in India! I’m also pretty busy because of the festive season.

Happy Diwali in advance to you people!!!

A man was peacefully sipping tea and reading a potions journal in his study. Suddenly the Dark Mark burned, and he almost dropped his tea in surprise. So early. It hasn’t even been 12 hours. Sighing, he prepared to go to his master.

Materializing in the Ballroom of Malfoy Manor, alone, his eyes searched for his master. They spoke desperation – as if crying out master! Master! Where you? They finally relaxed after spotting the master at the other end of the room. Dutifully bowing, he remained like that for a long time – time he did know, and time which had only brought pain upon him. Fear shuddered through the man when his master said:

“Get up, Serverus. Bow to naught but your true master.” The man did as he was told. It was his duty to protect and serve his master.

“My Lord? You called me in early. And there is no one else but me.” He asked - if dark can ever be - innocently.

“I have a very important task for you, my loyal servant. A task so delicate that it must be performed in utter secrecy, a task whose idea struck me just now. A task I know only you will be able to perform.” Whilst speaking, his master had moved closer to him, and was staring into his eyes. He felt a nudge against his shields and gave way to an embrace of loyalty. The Dark Lord saw the same incidents, the same meeting but heard different thoughts. You will never be able to be as kind and generous as the Dark Lord, Albus. His master soon left his mind.

 The fire of red eyes was absorbed by the black. Snake-like hands found his chin, tilting his face up and his master’s face leaned in near. Breath brushed by his left ear – the breath of a corpse, while a voice shook his ear’s eardrum. “I want you…” The spy shuddered.

“I want you to bring the prophecy from the Department of Mysteries.”

---

 Albus Dumbledore was pacing around in his office, his brow furrowed and his mind deep in thought. Snape sat in a chair, studying the headmaster with cold eyes. “Well?” The double agent scoffed. “I take it as you won’t be telling the rest of the Order about this? And they call me the betrayer.” Albus paused in his pacing.

“I’m not telling them for a reason, Severus. Merlin knows what Sirius will do when he gets to know about this.” The weary headmaster sighed.

“Really? Would it be like last time?” He said, sarcastically. Dumbledore looked at him wearily.

“Look, Severus, Sirius was not in his right mind that meeting. He was under a lot of stress and emotions, plus he had recently escaped Azkaban after spending twelve years in it. Everything with Peter and then facing Harry, who was so much like his best friend and taking care of him – he hadn’t had time to process all of it. It just dawned on him that particular meeting…and I admit that my words were also a bit too harsh. Please, for Lily’s sake, stop this petty childhood rivalry at once! You’re both adults now – Sirius is childish because his loss happened all of a sudden. Please, spare him!” Dumbledore cried.

Begging me to spare your precious lions, Headmaster? You never noticed the snakes needed it more.

 That silent anger again threatened to drown Severus. “It was never a petty childhood rivalry –” but before he could finish, Albus waved him off with his hand, a gesture to show that he was dismissed. Albus never listened. Unsurprisingly.

“You cannot bring him the prophecy.” The headmaster stated blandly.

“Then what should be done? Be clear for once, old man!” Snape was losing his patience.

“I will leave that up to you. I am sure that you will find an excellent plan to slither out of this situation. You must. Now go – I have some planning to do. Care to take some sweets with you? Might lift your mood.” Snape chose to ignore that foolish question. He stood up and was barely out of the office when the door quietly, but abruptly, shut behind him, nearly missing his long cloak from being stuck between the door and its frame. Sighing, he walked the way to the dungeons, a plan already brimming in his mind.

---

As soon as the edge of Snape’s cloak and left the door’s path, the headmaster magically shut the door and heaped himself upon his chair. He put his head in his hands in distress. There was no possible solution to this problem in sight, but as they say, with every problem a solution is also born. He could only think of one solution – to somehow fake the prophecy. He only hopes that Severus would be able to solve this one.

~~~

“An old man sits in his study sipping wine,

His face creased with distress lines;

For he had sacked his trouble,

To a man whose pain doesn’t mumble.”

 Trying to ignore the singing of poet Sir Dolor’s portrait and the truth has his words carried, Albus gulped down the rest of his wine and went to bed. He took a dreamless sleep potion and woke up in the morning feeling well-rested.

But alas, there is no rest for the wicked.

---

After a bit of reckoning, he came to a conclusion. It was obvious that the headmaster thought of the solution being creating a false prophecy. But he had him out of office so…abruptly that he barely had time to think. But now, he has had that time with a plan. Taking a deep breath in, he knocked on the door after the gargoyle jumped aside.

Notes:

Not my best.

Chapter 6: Chapter 5

Summary:

Very short chapter not fit for light reading and fluff, but lighter than the rest because it’s New Year’s Eve

Notes:

I’m sorry for the delay.

But he tried to kill me!

Words of a boy speaking to his headmaster, a boy who was defending himself from injustice and demanded justice.

...but...he...tried...

Words slowly deteriorating, fading away from the world...

to kill

Words that are forgotten.

m...

---

The Order would fucking pity him. Every time any Order member(apart from Remus, Albus, Tonks, Minerva and actually Kingsley too as they were the only ones that actually understood) who "just came to visit and see how he's doing" would carry pity in their eyes like it was a must to show pity because they saw him crying. He didn't like it, and didn't want it.

The only member neutral with this and pretend that this never happened. The only this he wished the other members to do. And this particular member was the one and only Snivellous Snape.

Azkaban is getting to me, he thinks, can't believe that I'm fine with something that Snape does.

Suddenly, there was rapid, panicked knocking on the door, interrupting his thoughts.

---

"How come Snape did not inform us of this!" Sirius shrieked. "Harry was attacked by Dementors which were most probably commanded by Vol- You-Know-Who and that greasy little betrayer didn't tell us about it! He's no good than Peter Pettigrew!”

Sound of the door opening. The room fell silent as there was only one person that could've entered right now. The man in question. Severus Snape himself. As soon as the spy's figure came in the doorframe, Sirius got up and shouted, "You traitor!""Calm down, Sirius." Molly Weasley tried to shush him.

"Please spare all your time-wasting and pointless accusations, Black. I know you must think that I betrayed the Order and did not inform you of the attack in Surrey. The truth is so as I say it: I did not know about the attack, nor did any other Death Eater. The Dark Lord had planned it himself. Do you seriously think that he informs me of every single plan, every single thought he has?" Snape said from the doorframe, not coming in.

"Yes! Yes, so what if I think so?" Sirius replied.

"Then I'm afraid you're more stupid than I thought." Snape remarked.

The rest of the Order has started to grow weary of this. Weary of the fighting happening on a regular basis between Sirius and Severus. And they all thought it should be put to a stop. And thus 10 minutes of the meeting were wasted by their immature bickering before Tonks cast a Langlock at her cousin.

"Oh, come on now Sirius, I'm pretty sure that Severus is speaking the truth." Arthur Weasley tried to cheer the atmosphere up a bit. In vain, I might add.

"Truth? Truth, my foot! Obviously he knew about the attack, and he wanted my poor godson to suffer, so that's why he didn't tell us!" Sirius shrieked.

"Black, if you are done with your bickering, may I come in and please have a seat?"

"You may not! You have no right to! Albus, I will ask you again - why do you trust that man, if he is one!?" Sirius yelled out his question. At this, the entire house went eerily quiet, eagerly waiting for the headmaster to continue.

"I trust him because..."

Flashback

"Headmaster, I would like to present my idea on how to prevent the Dark Lord from knowing the truth." Snape said, stepping into the Headmaster's Office. He need not cast any silencing spells are there were already privacy and silencing charms, amongst others, on the office by invincible old magic of the founders. For basic reasons, one of the light ones being to prevent nosy children from eavesdropping and a darker one being...discussing 'inappropriate' information, Take manipulation for example, Severus thought.

"Very well, Severus...tell me your wonderful plan." Dumbledore replied. But something made Severus halt for a fraction of a second.

Albus' words sounded like the Dark Lord's.

He fought the instinct to kneel and almost called him "My Lord" during the conversation.

End Flashback

"...because he came to me searching for shelter, and it is a sin to refuse anyone who comes to you asking for shelter. I am not like Tom, so I offered him. When he told me that he had defied him, I interrogated him with Veritaserum twice since. And once more when Tom came back."

"But-but he's a master Occlumens! He could easily fight off the potion!" Sirius protested.

"I know. That's why I took extra precautions back then, and when I was perfectly sure that Severus is on our side, it was no longer necessary for me to be worried about his loyalties. Now," he raised a hand to stop Sirius from interrupting him, "Now, Severus, please give your report."

'On our side' and 'worried about my loyalties.' The words of a chess master to his pawn. Ever worried about me, Headmaster?

The Order meeting continued without incident.

I am faithful, My Lord. He thought. But to which Lord?

 

Notes:

It's short, I know, I know. Happy New Year to you all! Btw notice how "me" isn't completed in the first part of this chapter. 

Chapter 7: Chapter 6

Summary:

Maybe it was the pain. Maybe it was the betrayal. Maybe it was some- some weird entity of an emotion he was unable to name, to understand, that made him bolt out of the room, blindly grab a cloak he could get his hands on first, and leave Grimmauld Place without any protection whatsoever, no change of facial features, no change of form into Padfoot -

Things get messed up. Terribly.

Notes:

I had posted this chapter a few days ago on ff.net and had forgotten to post it here! I’m so sorry! Sincere apologies.

A normal person should never have the thought to, let alone a need to, read such books.

Books on the powers and spells used by Lord Grindlewald.

He literally swept through the entire library to come up with a plan on how to make a fake prophecy.

Of course, no one would ever write a book on "How to make a false prophecy". In today's wizarding world it would be never allowed to published. The medieval period was...a completely different thing.

Is it even legal? Is a false prophecy even mentioned in the law?  

He had to gather research and sum it up to get a false prophecy.

The hard work was more to save his life from the Dark Lord than for Dumbledore's plans. Not that the latter is willing to help me with my research, he thought grimly.

He had left it all up to Severus; the spy still remembered the Headmaster's words.

“I am sure that you will find an excellent plan to slither out of this situation.You must."

The way he had spoken the words "slither" and the emphasis on "you" in "you must"...

But it's true, isn't it?  

I must. Gryffindors are way too precious.

---

"He must know! There is no fucking way that he didn't know! He just wanted to spare his master!" Sirius Black shouted to Remus. The werewolf was glad that there were silencing charms put up otherwise Molly'd have their necks.

They were talking about James and Lily, how much they missed them, Peter's betrayal, Harry - and then the topic had come to the attack. Apparently, Sirius was still in denial about that. He believed that Snape had known about that, and did not inform the Order.

"Look, now, Sirius-" Remus started to speak, but was interrupted by the other.

"Look? You tell me to look Remus, but there is nothing to look at. I have failed Lily and James, and now I am failing Harry! All because of that. Greasy. Git!"

"You didn't fail James and Lily. It was-" Remus spoke firmly.

"Yeah, yeah, it was Peter and not my fault. Don't say those words until you mean them."

"I mean them-"

"They're empty. I can literally feel the emptiness."

"That emptiness is your own." Unfortunately for Remus the words did sound as he wanted them to. Sirius got up.

"Padfoot, I didn't mean-" He tried to speak, fully expecting to be interrupted again. He didn't bother to complete the sentence, as the other man had already left the room.

---

The Dark Lord called.

He had been scribbling ideas on how to make a fake prophecy on various pieces of parchment when his mark pulsed with pain. It was so sudden that he dropped his quill.

In a haste, he wore his Death Eater robes and mask, went to the concealed backyard of his pathetic excuse for a house in Spinner's End, and apparated, the wards informing a certain old man that he had been called.

He appeared in Malfoy Manor's elegant ballroom.

Looking around for His Lord amongst a few brethren present, he spotted the children.

Children of fellow brethren.

His brow furrowed as he could not spot His Lord until he felt cold breath from behind him.

In shock he quickly turned and knelt.

"My Lord. I'm sorry that I could not spot you earlier." He said, pleading filling his voice.

"Rise, my servant, and follow me," said his master, "and for the rest of you, I want a plan ready on how you will spy on the boy." The boy could only be one person - Harry Potter.

He rose and followed him, climbing stairs, visiting corridors, ending up in front of a door which opened into a - bedroom. He tensed. Where, though, is better left unsaid. 

Fuck.

The Dark Lord entered it and he followed behind, closing the door. It did not escape his notice that he put up silencing charms and other various privacy charms - for example, locking the door magically. He sat on the bed, beckoning Severus to come sit directly next to him. The latter obeyed, gladly.

"As you are unable to attend to much Death Eater meetings after Hogwarts reopens for the new academic year, I will have to ask you to come to meetings every night." The Dark Lord stated in a very formal and icy voice.

"You need not ask, M'Lord. I shall come whenever you call." His servant replied dutifully.

His master started at his words. "Oh, really, Severus? The events that happened to be when you came back to me say so otherwise."

"I-I..." He never stuttered, but now he found himself lost for words, "My Lord-"

"I do not need to hear your explanation, Severus. I have but one question to ask." He paused, waiting for the other to reply.

"What that may be, my Lord?"

"Are you loyal to me?"

---

Sirius Black was fed up.

He was fed up with the way Remus was siding with Snivellus. Snivellus of all people. A Death Eater. Just like Peter.

Oh, Peter. He still had the habit of calling him by his first name in his thoughts as well as in speech. He was a traitor, supporting You-Know-Who. Snape was probably - cut that, it could also be a fact - still on the other side - the side with Slytherins and manipulation and evil and cruelty and betrayal -

But Sirius Black felt betrayed. He felt betrayed and he was on the side of the good.

Remus was supposed to be his friend. He was supposed to stay with him, on his side. He not supposed to defend -

Ah, 'supposed'. That's the key word. Expected to behave in a certain manner.

Overwhelmed and angry because of a conflict occurring between his own thoughts (are those thoughts really mine?) he had called Remus up to his room seeking someone to share his feelings with, his anger with and it had ended up - it had fucked up badly.

He was tired of people saying the same thing over and over again. "It wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault, it was Peter..."

And when he finally said his opinion out loud, there was - "That emptiness is your own."

A small voice in his head told him that Moony hadn't meant it like that, he was trying to say something else, there was a misunderstanding -

Yes, there was, he thought grimly, and a big damn one.

Maybe it was the pain. Maybe it was the betrayal. Maybe it was some- some weird entity of an emotion he was unable to name, to understand, that made him bolt out of the room, blindly grab a cloak he could get his hands on first, and leave Grimmauld Place without any protection whatsoever, no change of facial features, no change of form into Padfoot-

---

Severus Snape knew he had to choose his words carefully.

The question was so out of the blue - he had been expecting death right away, but certainly not for the Dark Lord to wait for his answer.

He had to pick his words like his life depended on them - which they did, actually.

Any other person would start stuttering in reply. Any other person would beg and tremble with fear. Any other person would say yes, my Lord, I am loyal to you.

But Severus Snape was not any other person. Meeting the gaze of the red eyes, the eyes of terror, he said:

"No, M'Lord, I am not loyal to you. I am a servant to you. I am faithful to you. I am yours."

As he said those words, he watched the in the red eyes intently. He spotted what seemed like mirth in them.

"Ah, I love this trait of yours, Severus. This is what makes you different from the rest. You have an exceptionally creative mind."

He bowed his head. "You are the most appreciating, My Lord. If I have your permission, can I ask you a question? Of course, it is purely your choice to answer it or discard it." I need to know if my cover's in danger.

"Go ahead, my loyal- or should I say, my faithful servant."

"I am curious to know as to why you asked what you did, My Lord." There. Now what happens?

"I wanted to see your naked reaction when you hear Sirius Black is under my captivity."

That mutt's foolishness will get both him and me killed along with rest of the Order this time.

His mind connected the dots in just a second - the Dark Lord's question of his loyalty would bring fear to his mind and cause a dent in his Occlumency shields, which doesn't matter as the dent won't be caused, his shields were far too strong. Proof that the Dark Lord never knew him well enough. Or at least he reckons so yet. That particular dent would allow the true emotion of his reaction to the news - thus revealing his loyalty.

He merely showed a bit of surprise and raised an eyebrow.

"Really, I wouldn't put it past him to run around without any cover on the streets like a dog. Oh, he is one. Honestly, M'Lord, I am surprised that I even feel a bit of surprise at this...amusing news. I was almost expecting for him to snap under the confinement and run away."

A chuckle. "Right now he's unconscious. I know that you will absolutely love to see him, all chained up, under your mercy and begging you to save his life. I will call you again when he awakes. Now, to the important point."

He sat up straighter, attentive and eager to listen.

"Next summer will be taking place the marking of the junior Death Eaters - and for that I will need them trained well."

"You want me to train them, M'Lord?"

His burden was increasing every second.

"Yes. Teach them Unforgivables, Dark curses, hexes, jinxes, potions - anything and everything. I suggest that you begin your training from tomorrow. Train them throughout the school year also - I need powerful and perfect Death Eaters."

He bowed his head. "Your wish is my command; your command is my destiny."

"I didn't know you were so poetic, Severus." The Dark Lord smiled, "Go, now. To the Ballroom. I'll meet you and the others there in a minute's time."

In that moment, the Dark Lord almost felt fatherly to him. He almost felt like he was talking to a man who cared for him, protected him and, hell, loved him. He shuddered inwardly at the latter. Better leave that one out, he thinks.

Dutifully he went downstairs and stepped into the very room.

Notes:

I hope you liked it…see those buttons named “Kudos” and “Comment”? It wouldn’t hurt to click on them and try out the functions they perform.

Chapter 8: Chapter 7

Summary:

It was a couple of minutes later when Albus Dumbledore found him in that position, having entered the house via Floo, and had seen the door open when he stepped out of the living room and into the hallway.

Notes:

I know, it's been a year and month since I last updated. I wrote this chapter last year and forgot to publish it... only found out yesterday, lol. (Don't kill me)

He had come downstairs, panic-stricken, when he had heard the door slam shut. He had just opened the door when he saw the figure of Sirius Black, several feet ahead, far enough to be out of the protection of the wards and the Fidelius Charm, before it was gone with a crack.

He had collapsed then and there. It was a couple of minutes later when Albus Dumbledore found him in that position, having entered the house via Floo, and had seen the door open when he stepped out of the living room and into the hallway.

"Remus! Why are you lying here like a melted sherbet-lemon?" Dumbledore had asked him with his ever-twinkling, ever-hopeful eyes.

"S-Sirius. He ran away." His words were barely audible.

There was a sharp intake of breath. "Remus." Albus' voice was suddenly impassive. "Remus, please, come inside."

---

"What?" Shrieked the werewolf in surprise after he had had a calming draught and Albus had told him what was to happen. They were sitting in the living room.

"Yes, Remus." Replied the headmaster sadly, "The Weasleys will be here shortly."

"I know, Albus." Remus bit his lip as he heard his own voice, which sounded too stern for his own liking and, Merlin, he had just interrupted Albus bloody Dumbledore. "But why?"

"The Burrow is no longer safe. It was attacked by Death Eaters."

"Sirius is not here, Albus. If Arthur and Molly have informed their children about Sirius's habitation in this house, and that it must be kept a secret, wouldn't they ask where he was? What about the questions from the Order members? What would I reply? That I was careless with my words, and they hurt Sirius so much that he ran away because of me?"

"Now, now, Remus. There has been a misunderstanding between you two, and an extremely big one at that."

"We need to go find Sirius, Albus. Please."

"I'm afraid there is little we can do right now as-" He never completed his sentence as the flames of the fire turned green and one by one the Weasleys started stepping out.

---

"Severus! It's always a pleasure to meet you!" The voice of Lucius Malfoy called out to him. He noticed young Draco coming towards him from where he had been talking with his friends. Then he noticed- all Death Eaters were here with their children, most discussing plans to spy on Potter.

"Lucius, my friend, I'm forever indebted to you for introducing me to the Dark Lord." He replied with carefully masked emotions of anger, bitterness, and regret.

"Salutations, sir. Good to see you." Such formality coming from a fifteen-year-old made him remember his own teenage life in Slytherin.

"Greetings, Draco. Hope all is well? I look foward to seeing your Potions homework when school reopens." He said warmly. Or, as kind as his tone could muster. He shook hands with him. He noticed Lucius smile in his peripheral vision.

"There you are, Narcissa!" Lucius cried out to his wife, "I've been looking for you!"

Narcissa Black Malfoy slowly walked towards her husband. Severus noticed that the return of the Dark Lord had affected her - she looked tired, worried.

"Severus. I'm always grateful to you for taking care of Draco at Hogwarts." She smiled warmly.

"That's my duty as a professor." He replied indifferently.

"Still, you're a better Head of House than Slughorn could ever be."

"I can't disagree with that." After all, he had wanted to be better than Slughorn.

The murmurs in the room stopped abruptly. All heads turned towards the door of the ballroom. He also turned around to see the Dark Lord entering. He had an unusual expression on his face. He almost looked... disturbed.

"My lovely Death Eaters," he addressed them as he walked towards the centre of the room, where he conjured a dais and a chair that rose out of the carpet, "We shall still lie secret and silent. No raids, at least not yet, Antonin, I would never let those mubbloods and blood traitors lie in peace - but, for now, in silence lies our power. What the people don't know won't hurt them. Also," he paused, creating suspense amoungst the crowd, "Congratulations on capturing Sirius Orion Black."

Cheers rose from the masses.

---

He kept running.

He ran and ran and ran.

He didn't know where he was going.

He didn't care where he was going.

He just needed to away from Grimmauld Place. As far as possible.

All his life, he was a prisoner. Bound by his own mind. His own life.

But he refuses to stay one now.

If his own life was the reason he was imprisoned, caged, then it's fine. It's okay. Same goes for his mind.

He wanted to be free. Which meant eliminating the reason.

If his life and mind where the reason, he would eliminate them.

If his life was the reason, he would eliminate it.

He refuses to be a captive. He's had enough.

It all happened in the blink of an eye- he had reached a bridge over the river Thames. He had failed to notice that the area was strangely empty. Caught up in his thoughts, determined to finally reach freedom, he attempted to climb over the railing. His gaze was fixed on the water, reflecting the blue hue of the sky. It seemed calm and relaxed, ever-flowing. Free. He got ready to jump. More like to fall. But he'd been falling all his life, how come he'd never hit the bottom yet?

I'm so sorry, Lily, James. Harry.

He took a deep breath and relaxed his grip on the railing.

---

"Where is Sirius, Albus?"

The inevitable question was answered with a pregnant pause. Remus kept his eyes fixed on the floor, waiting for Dumbledore to reply.

"Sirius has gone into hiding somewhere else, and because of the large bounty on his head and the worldwide search going on for him, he's unable to do anything for the Order. He then agreed to let us use his ancestral home as Order Headquarters." Dumbledore replied, almost too calmly.

"He's not here? Wouldn't this house be a more convenient hiding place for him, with direct contact with the Order?" Mrs. Weasley inquired.

"Keeping him inside the house would be just like locking him up again. He hated this house, and after spending 12 years in Azkaban... it's better for him to continuously shift residences than stay caged in one."

Remus' hands turned into fists. He trusted Dumbledore, but for him to be so hypocritical?

"Albus." He spoke, rising from his seat on the freshly-repaired sofa, "May I have a word with you?"

Notes:

Hope you liked the chapter! Feel free to point out any typos or errors!