5 Seconds Of Summer Oneshots/ BoyXBoy only

by ohnomarie

Summary:

This is a collection of my 5SOS Oneshots. The Oneshots are BoyXBoy only, so only shippings in the band.

DISCLAIMER: I write this for fun and because I started this Project back in 2016. I do not ship them in real life and I deeply respect all their partners. Please do the same! :)

I usually post the OneShots on Wattpad first, so you can find this book over there too! Over on Wattpad you can also request oneshots.

Now I hope you enjoy this gay mess! <3

Chapter 1: GHOST OF YOU - Muke

Summary:

Michael is 17 years old and looks back at his friendship with Luke, his best friend since kindergarten.
Songfic for Ghost Of You.

Originally posted: April 2019 on Wattpad

Here I am waking up,

Still can't sleep on your side.

 

Waking up and realising you are not here is the worst thing in the world.

I keep your side of our fort clean and always put fluffy cushions there, just how you liked it, in hopes you will return to me one day. Not that you are ever gonna come back.

I mean, how could you?

But if you did, I just want to be prepared.

 

There's your coffee cup,

The lipstick stain fades with time.

 

I remember our sleepovers here so vividly and how you put on the lipstick you stole from your mum to imitate our teacher. Your imitation of her was so accurate, taking small judging sips out of the coffee cup while glaring around the room.

The cup was empty, of course.

You hated coffee.

 

If I can dream long enough,

You'd tell me I'd be just fine.

 

I wake up due to nightmares again. My brain regularly provides me with the most vivid scenarios, followed by violent panic attacks.

In my dreams I always see you but I can't reach you. Then you want to say something but you fade, unable to say what you wanted to say.

I wake up sweaty and yearning for your voice.

So I get up and leave the little tent-like fort we built when we were in elementary school on the roof of our apartment complex right next to the chimney.

A little space where we spent every summer night cracking bad jokes and counting shooting stars until we fell asleep. Our little space, where we read comics and ate ice cream and had movie nights and got drunk for the first time.

I glance at the coffee cup with your faded lipstick on it but still can't bring myself to take it downstairs and put it in the dishwasher.

 

Cleaning up today,

I found that old Zeppelin shirt,

You wore when you ran away,

And no one could feel your hurt.

 

I remember the day you ran away.

We were 14 and you had gotten your diagnosis that day.

Cancer.

Terminal.

You didn't want anyone's fake reassuring words so you ran. Not far, just to our fort, where I've found you and you've cried in my arms.

You thought no one could feel your hurt.

But I did.

I felt the pain as much as you did. And I feel even more pain now that I look at the old Led Zeppelin shirt you were wearing that day. Now it's laying on top of a cardboard box full of your things I store in our fort to always keep a piece of you here. With me.

I feel the tears fall but you're not here to dry them.

I am alone with your things and my thoughts.

 

We're too young, too dumb,

To know things like love.

 

I didn't know back then. I didn't know that what I felt was love.

True unconditinal love.

But how was I supposed to know?

I was just 16.

 

But I know better now.

So I drown it out,

Like I always do,

Dancing through our house,

With the ghost of you.

 

I always admired you for your view on life.

Well, I admired you for a lot of things. But especially your view on life.

Even though you knew you wouldn't ever even live to your 17th birthday you were always happy.

You never lost your smile.

You managed to get through every day, good or bad.

You fought your way through everything life threw at you and even had some reassuring and loving words for everyone around you.

Always.

You made it look easy, getting through the hard times in life. Easy, almost like you danced your way through life.

I was always right there beside you. You slowly taught me how to dance with you, how to deal with lifes challenges and how to be strong.

Soon, I was dancing alongside you, two people, best friends, knowing exactly what each other's next move would be.

What the other feels, what the other needs, thinks and hopes.

 

And I chase it down,

With a shot of truth.

 

But now, with you gone, it seems like I forgot how to dance.

Or maybe you, my dance partner, are just missing and I can't dance what was supposed to be a duet on my own.

 

That my feet don't dance,

Like they did with you.

 

I find myself tripping and stumbling over the smallest things in life.

Until I fall and hit rock bottom. Every morning when I wake up without you.

Chapter 2: IN MY HEAD - Cake/ Part 1

Summary:

Luke has recurring dreams in which him and Calum are together and it is starting to mess with his real life.

Originally posted: October 2019 on Wattpad

I've been drifting in and out of a dreamless sleep for a while now, never really having the energy or willpower to open my eyes.

But now I couldn't ignore it anymore - I really had to pee.

I groaned softly and slowly opened my left eye. Shit.. why did my bathroom had to be at the other end of the room?
It was an odyssey getting there. I half stumbled, half sleepwalked, keen on not having to open my eyes more than needed.

After finishing my business, my pounding head told me I definitely needed some aspirin.

On my way back to bed I noticed that I was still wearing the outfit I wore to the club last night. I ACTUALLY contemplated for a second, only a second, if I should change into something more comfortable. Needless to say I decided to fuck it and only kicked off my glittery boots. Before my tired body hit the mattress I was already back asleep.

The next time I woke up the sun was already hanging high in the sky. Golden light shone through my bedroom window and warmed up my bare back. I had my arms wrapped around a big pillow and my cheek pressed against the warm material.

Wait- warm? I forced my mind to come out of that dazy sleep phase and focused on my pillow, only to find it rising and falling slowly while it breathed in air.

I furrowed my eyebrows and slowly blinked open my eyes before I tilted my head upwards to be met with the most beautiful sight ever.

Its funny, you know? Ever since I was twelve and Calum had his first sleepover at my house I couldn't help but think how beautiful he looked asleep. And ever since then I imagined how amazing it would be waking up to that sight every day. But now that my dreams actually came true, it wasn't at all how I imagined it to go down.

Because I had no fucking clue how he got in my bed.

I just stared at him for a few minutes, frantically digging through my brain for memories of last night, but came up with nothing.

Calum was beginning to stir softly and I shifted a bit on his chest causing him to lazily open an eye.

"Mhhh hey Lukey," he rasped in his low thick morning voice and I was glad I was laying in bed, otherwise my knees would've gone weak.

"Hey," I whispered with a hoarse voice.

Calum chuckled and opened his second eye. "No wonder your voice is hoarse after the way you've been screaming last night.."

I frowned and pushed myself up on my elbows to be able to get a better look at Calums face.

"Because of the loud music in the club?," I asked confused.

Calum snorted and closed his eyes again. "More like everything after the club...," he had a lazy smirk on his lips and let the soft sunlight hit his face, making his skin glow golden.

My blood ran cold and I froze. Even more desperate than earlier I filtered through my head and tried to figure out what exactly Calum meant by 'everything after the club'.

Calum seemed to take my sudden silence as a clue to continue talking.

"Last night was good," he hummed, eyes still closed, "it was amazing, in fact."

I felt like crying. My head was still pounding and I was hungover as fuck and all of this was just too much for me right now.

"What exactly do you mean?," I accidentally let slip.

"I mean," Calum smirked, "the sex was amazing."

That caused me to choke on my own spit. I was coughing violently while Calum laughed slightly.

"C'mon bro, last night you were begging me to fuck you, now you're dying when I say the word sex?," he laughed but I had way bigger problems than him teasing me.

I had sex with my ultimate crush and didn't even remember one bit of it. I literally lost my virginity and didn't know how it was. I was lowkey freaking out while Calum finally opened his eyes.

I made the split decision not to tell him that I didn't remember anything, I felt like that would just make things even more awkward than they already were.

With a heavy sigh I let my elbows give in and hit the mattress, before I turned to lay on my side to face Calum.

Calum smiled softly at me and it took everything in me not to start squealing.

"I am just kidding Lukey," he smiled while he turned to lay on his side too, facing me. He reached out his and and tangled his lean soft fingers in my messy blonde curls.

"I don't think the sex the only amazing thing last night," he mumbled softly while he played with loose curls of my messy blonde hair, "Kissing you was amazing. Holding you was amazing. Cuddling you was amazing. Hell, even having McDonald's ice cream with you at 6am was amazing. But the best thing about last night wasn't the sex, even though it was the best sex I've ever had, it was you all sleepily and smiles asking me to be your boyfriend."

I knew my eyes were probably wide as saucers but I didn't care. Everything I had dreamed of had become true and I couldn't remember one little thing. I never wanted to punch myself more than right now.

"Hey," Calum let his hand glide from my hair to the stubble on my cheek to caress my cheekbone with his thumb, "you okay?"

I found it so hard to focus right now. And even harder to think straight. And that said, I failed both and only brought a "And what now?" out. Calum smiled.

"Well, for now, I need to take a shower, go shopping for new shirts and take you on a date. What man would I be if I don't take my boyfriend on a belated first date?," Calum casually said while turning on his back and I swear I could feel a balloon bursting in my stomach and butterflies escaping to violently fly around in there.

"So," he said sitting up, "I am gonna be in the shower. Join me of you like." And shit, I knew I would. And judging by the look he gave me before disappearing into my bathroom he knew it too.

"Babe?"

I jumped a few inches in the air. I had zoned out, staring at my reflection in the fogged bathroom mirror. My hair was wet and touching my shoulders in thick dark blonde strands, my neck and chest were littered with hickeys. I still couldn't believe what was happening to me, everything felt way too good and happened way too fast to be true. But somewhere during a makeout session in the shower I had decided to fuck it and just enjoy what was happening right now. After all, I finally had what I always wanted.

"Babe," Calum said again and entered the steamy bathroom, "which one?" He held up two of my shirts.

"You do realize that these are mine?," I raised an eyebrow.

"Pff, being boyfriends means sharing clothes. Read the boyfriend codex. And also I only have the clothes I wore last night here at your place and they smell like smoke, alcohol and sweat. So, which one?," Calum asked again.

I looked at Calum and tried my best to keep a straight face.

"Aw, c'mon babe," Calum stepped closer. I came a few steps towards him and we met in the middle. Calum leant in to kiss me and I hungrily pulled him closer, looping my arms around Calums wide shoulders and ran a hand through his short shaved black hair. I blindly grabbed a shirt out of Calum's hand and pulled away from him after one last bite to his lower lip. "This one," I grinned and threw the shirt at Calum.

"Thanks babe," he chuckled and walked out of the bathroom. I smiled like an idiot while beginning to blow dry my hair and Calum announced he'd make coffee.

"Luke?," I heard him shout after a moment.

"What?," I screamed over the noise of the blow dryer.

"Where do you keep the dog treats?"

"Under the fridge, why??" I shut off the blow dryer to be able to hear him better.

"Because I gotta win Petunia over or else she's gonna eat me out of jealousy!"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"She's not the jealous type," I shouted back.

"Pfff you should see the way she looks at me right now," Calum yelled.

I stepped away from the mirror and pecked around the corner to see petunia sitting in front of Calum. She was looking up at him with her resting bitch face.

"She always looks like that," I laughed.

"Hm, I don't believe that. But hey, what if I bring Duke and they can go on a date!!!"

Now it was my turn to look at Calum with a resting bitch face.

"What?? It would be super cute if our dogs were dating too!," Calum grinned.

"Petunia is ten times the size of Duke, and Duke is like four years younger," I huffed.

"You're so judgemental. You out of all people should be accepting of all kinds of love, no matter what size or age," Calum playfully scolded me.

"They are dogs, Calum. And now shut up or I'll tell Petunia to eat you for real," I laughed and stepped inside the bathroom again.

"You wouldn't ever eat me, would you? And don't worry I'll introduce you to Duke anyways and then you'll have your prince charming too," he heard Calum softly talking to Petunia while he rummaged through the cabinets.

"NOT HAPPENING!!," I shouted.

"Your dad is a meanie, isn't he?," Calum cooed and Petunia barked in response.

My heart grew fonder and fonder every second I spend with this man. I felt to happy right now, I didn't know so much happiness could fit into one person.

I shut off the blow dryer and walked into the kitchen, my bare feet making soft tapping sounds against the clod tiles. Petunia was happily munching on a dog treat and Calum was leaning on the counter with a coffee mug in his hand and a lopsided smile on his plump pink lips.

I felt my heartbeat pick up while I walked over to him and let my tired head hit Calums toned chest lightly. Calum wrapped his free arm around my back and nuzzled his nose in my freshly washed hair.

"I love your fluffy messy unstyled hair," Calum mumbled and kissed the top of my head.

I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the moment on cloud nine with the heavenly smell of coffee and Calum surrounding me.

We headed downtown after we had some breakfast, which turned out to be more like lunch, to do some shopping. But Calum was getting annoyed after an hour and just bought the four first shirts that were fitting before he suggested to put our things in the car and finally head to that dinner he had promised me. I didn't hesitate one second to agree.

"Where are we going?," I asked while I admired the coast we were heading up. The wind was playing with my hair and the warm ocean breeze carried the smell of salt and seaweed in the car.

"Just a small Italian place I discovered recently. It's kinda a secret spot and not really fancy.. just traditional Italian food and rustic interior and ahhh I hope you won't think it sucks," Calum bit his lip and I reached my hand over to intertwine our fingers on the middle console. "Don't worry," I smiled, "If you love it, so will I."

And boy did i love it. I was blown away the second Calum parked his car near a small cottage on a Cliff. It was a tiny old brick house that overlooked the blue ocean.

Once we entered I was completely in love with the place. As Calum said, it was rustic. Dark wooden tables, not many maybe ten, all fitting for two people and the thick smell of garlic and tomato sauce hung heavy in the air. There were candles on every table and a fireplace in the corner and on all walls were huge windows revealing the wild blue ocean outside. The place wasn't too crowded and the waitress led us to a table at one of the big windows. It was just the edge of dusk and the sun was an orange ball hanging low in the sky. "It's perfect," I breathed out and smiled wide. He intertwined our fingers on the table.

While we waited for and later ate our food, I couldn't stop staring out of the window where the red ball of fire slowly started sinking into the now dark blue ocean.

"You wanna go outside?," Calum asked smiling softly.

"Can we?," I asked excited and literally felt my eyes sparkle.

Calum smiled and nodded his head to the door. He paid while I was already on my way out of the restaurant and towards the edge of the cliff.

The beauty of this place never got any less breathtaking even though we had been here for almost three hours now. I didn't even want to blink as to not miss one second of the gorgeous west coast sunset.

I felt someone come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. I completely melted back into his touch and goosebumps arouse on my whole body when he started softly kissing my neck and the butterflies in my stomach were out of control.

"I love you, Luke," he whispered in my ear and my breath hitched.

"Luke?," I heard someone yell and suddenly Calum started shaking me.

"Luke!! LUKE HEMMINGS WHAT THE FUCK!," I had the feeling I was falling for a few seconds before I felt arms violently shove my side causing me to actually fall and hit the ground.

I pried my eyes open in shock and almost immediately regretted doing it.

Ashton was standing over me, his fire red hair a mess on his forehead and his green eyes scolding me.

"Luke, the fuck? I thought you died in your sleep for a second, you were so far gone. Get ready, we have an interview in an hour."

I was staring up at him, trying to process what was happening.

"I am sorry," Ashton said softer, "didn't mean to bark into your house and wake you up like this but we really have to leave soon." Ashton ruffled through my curls while I was still sitting on the floor of my bedroom. "Calums making coffee, you want some?," Ashton asked over his shoulder while leaving the room.

That was all it took to pull the trigger in my chest and my heart was ripping into two pieces. All I could do was stared at Ashton.

"I'll take that as a yes. See you in the kitchen in 15 minutes."

I don't think I've ever hit rock bottom harder than this. I was laying on my bedroom floor and physically felt the happiness seeping from every fiber of my body.

Everything had felt so real, how could this whole thing have been a dream? It couldn't. It just couldn't.

"Luke!," I heard Ashton knock on my door again.

"I am on it!," I snapped and pushed myself up off the floor. I slowly dragged myself to the bathroom and peeled off the clothes I had worn to the club last night. The shower I took was way shorter than usual and I tried to ignore the images of Calum standing under the shower with me. I decided NOT to blow dry my hair and just threw on some random clothes before lurking to the kitchen. I saw Ashton and Michael sitting on the kitchen table smiling at me before I turned the corner and felt like a truck just hit me.

Calum was leaning against the counter, with a cup of coffee in one hand and Petunia at his feet. But instead of me, he was holding his girlfriend close to his chest.

"Hey Lukey, I made you coffee," he smiled and held out a mug towards me.

I took a second to collect myself before I headed towards him and accepted the mug.

I knew I couldn't ever have him in real life.

But at least I've got him in my head.

 

 

Chapter 3: IN MY HEAD - Cake/ Part 2

Summary:

Part two of Luke having hot dreams about Calum until they destroy his real life. :)

Originally posted: October 2019 on Wattpad

He watched the orange leaves dance in the Wind while the rain whipped against the tall windows of the van. Next to him, Ashton was complaining and trying to dry his soaked shirt, but to Luke, this was the best weather ever.

It was finally fall and fall was his favorite season.

He pulled the sleeves of his Sweater over his hands and watched the raindrops race down the glass of the slowly fogging window.

His eyelids kept dropping and he found it harder and harder to keep his eyes open, but napping wasn't an option, not now, not with the rest of the band only inches away.

Luke cuddled deeper in his dark hoodie and pressed the volume key of his phone to turn up the soft acoustic song that was currently playing on his headphones from his autumn playlist. His eyes glided over to Calum who sat across from him, their knees touching in the rather small back of the SUV. His short blue hair was the only bright spot of color in the car full of boys dressed in black and the grey weather outside. Pictures of last night appeared behind Luke's eyes. Flashes of bare skin against skin, needy lips and his pale fingers running through said vibrant blue hair.

No, Luke and Calum weren't dating, at least not in this life. But whenever Luke closed his eyes, he entered another world, a world in which everything was the same except for one thing: he had Calum. The dreams appeared more and more frequently now, started as innocent as the first one but nowadays he dreamt about rather explicit stuff quite often too. The dreams came randomly, he never knew when or what triggered them, and that's why he restrained himself from ever sleeping anywhere where people could see him. He was scared of someone finding out about his double life.

Luke felt Ashtons eyes on him and tore his gaze away from Calum to continue watching the tall buildings fly by outside. He was interrupted by Michael's elbow colliding with his ribcage and yanked his headphones down.

"The fuck dude, that hurt!," he whined and Michael rolled his emerald eyes.

"They're playing teeth in the radio," he smiled and Luke heard the bass line of their new single blare through the speakers of the car.

"That's sick mate," he smiled small.

"Yeah man," Ashton grinned back. Michael turned back to his phone to proceed changing his Twitter name and Luke's eyes lingered on Calum once more, just a moment too long, so that Ashton shot him a questioning look again. Luke looked away and pulled his headphones back up, praying that they'd be at the radio station soon so that he finally could get out of this small car and stop being so aware of the place where his knees touched Calums.

 

***

 

"Don't you think it's weird," Luke asked, "that Calum broke up with his girlfriend after only six weeks of them dating?"

He was laying upside down on the dark couch in Ashton's big living space and held his feet up toward the ceiling.

"Don't YOU think it's weird," Ashton replied from where he was leaning against the counter of his big open kitchen which was connected to the living room, "how much you are obsessing about it?"

"I am not obsessing about it!," Luke rushed out, maybe a little too fast, and pushed himself up on his elbows, his feet still in the air.

"Oh yeah sure," Ashton grabbed his coffee mug und walked over to the couch, "and what's this supposed to be? Are you planning on starting yoga? Because in that case you can just come to classes with me instead of doing weird stretches on my couch." Luke glared at him but let his feet fall down.

Ashton lifted Luke's legs off the couch, settled down where they were and then put them on his lap.

"There's a hole in your sock, mate," he remarked and glanced up at Luke, who continued to glare at Ashton. Ashton couldn't suppress the grin creeping on his face and it wasn't long until Luke's lips tugged up at the edges too.

Luke sighed and let his head fall back against the couch cushions.

"I am not obsessing about Calums break up," he said small.

"Bro..," Ashton poked Luke's tight,"it's all you've been talking about today."

Luke didn't reply. What was he supposed to say? Ashton was right, it's all he could think about ever since Calum had broken the news to him. So instead of answering, he studied the ceiling.

"It's okay though, mate. I think I figured out why you won't shut up about it."

"Oh yeah?," Luke raised an eyebrow and lifted his head up to look at Ashton.

"Yeah man," he said calmly,"You either have feelings for her, or him."

Luke froze, then went into full panic mode. "I- No! I don't! I don't have feelings for either of them! I.. I, no?," Luke knew that he was not fooling Ashton.

"Okay, so you HAVE feelings for her," Ashton grinned.

"Ew, no. I don't," Luke said and scrunched up his face in disgust only to realize what he had done a split second later. He buried his face in his hands, knowing that he had dug himself a hole he couldn't get out of any more.

"Okay, good. That's what I thought..," Ashton smiled small, "so Calum it is."

"No...," Luke mumbled very quiet.

Ashton rubbed Luke's leg and offered him a soft smile.

"It's okay Lukey. I love you all the same, you know that right?"

"Yeah I know," Luke said, his voice thick with tears,"I just think that I don't want it to be true and admitting it makes it feels so real.."

"Right, because bottling up feelings and pretending they're not there works so well..," Ashton mumbled.

"Fuck you," Luke mumbled from where he had his face still covered by his hands.

"Hey," Ashton said softer and reached out his hands to grab Luke by the front of his hoodie. He pulled him up into a more or less sitting position and wrapped both his strong arms around the tall lanky blonde who was now half sitting in his lap. "Lukey, I love you like a little brother, okay? This is okay, to feel this way is okay. Don't get so worked up on it, it's gonna be alright if you just give it time."

"No," Luke breathed against Ashtons shoulder, "No it's not okay. It's not." Luke wasn't crying, Ashton knew that. Luke was a fragile soul but he hated nothing more than crying in front of other people and Ashton had only seen him cry once in his life.

"It is."

"No, It is not!," Luke raised his voice in frustration and looked up at Ashton.

"Okay, then why not?"

"Because.. I can't tell you."

"Tell me what??," Ashton frowned.

Luke pressed his lips to a thin line.

"You know you've already said too much, right? Might as well spill everything now," Ashton smiled small. He was rubbing small soothing circles on Luke's arm with his thumb.

Luke took a deep breath, then closed his eyes. "I keep having these dreams where I am dating Calum. And... and it feels so real, it is freaking me out. And.. and they get more and more explicit, too."

"Oh...," Ashton said, his hazel eyes blown open wide.

"See, you're freaked out," Luke mumbled and looked away, "I know it's creepy and weird."

"It's not! Okay, maybe a little.. but there's nothing you can do about it so, not your fault, right?," Ashton said weary.

"Yeah.. I never know when they come or what triggers them. But it is exhausting, Ash. It's like I am living a double life. A twisted one. I want it to stop, I want it to stop so badly.."

"I.. I know. I get it," Ashton said and looked at Luke with so much sympathy.

"Then what am I supposed to do?," Luke asked.

"I don't know?"

"God, usually you always know what to do. This is really messed up, isn't it?," Luke asked small.

"No. I think you might just need a little distance from Calum. I think the more time you spend with him, the easier these dreams are triggered and you probably feel very awkward around him too, right?"

"Keeping my distance from Calum? Dude we are about to start touring in two days, how the hell am I gonna do that? It's impossible."

"I know," Ashton sighed and brought Luke back into a hug, "But we'll figure something else out. Don't worry. And thanks for telling me."

"You make it sound like I had a choice?," Luke mumbled, a hint of a smile in his voice.

"You had. With me, you always have."

 

***

 

"I'm telling you bro," Calum groaned while smashing the keys on his controller, "I am not sad or whatever."

"Yeah but why???,"Michael whined, his eyes concentrated on the screen.

"Becauseeeee,"Calum whined back and then threw his controller on the coffee table, "I swear you're cheating. You can't be always winning dude."

"I am not cheating, bro," Michael laughed and leant back against the fluffy couch in his and Crystals apartment. He looked over at Calum who had his head leant against the back of the couch and his bare feet on the coffee table and was intently studying the ceiling.

"I am serious, mate," Michael said, "at first she was the most amazing girl in the world and then you two break up only five weeks later. I want to understand this."

"There is nothing to understand. Sometimes things just change."

"Over the course of five weeks?"

Calum didn't reply.

"Well, who broke up with who then?"

"Nobody, really. It was a mutual decision we made."

"Oh, does she think that too, or is she heartbroken now and I will have to listen to Crys complaining how you broke her best friends heart??"

"Mike, what the hell?"

"WHat?"

"You are annoying me."

"Duh, I am your best friend."

"Seriously. I am okay. She is okay. We are okay, we just figured we are better off as friends." Calums voice sounded weary. He closed his eyes and Michael took a moment to take his best friend in. The tenseness in his shoulders, the small crack between his eyebrows and how he nervously fiddled with a loose strand in his sweater.

"Are you gonna tell me the truth one day?," Michael asked, his voice coming out very softly, "because I know you're leaving parts of the story out. I've known you long enough.."

Calum slowly opened his eyes and looked at his longest best friend. The bleach blonde looked at him, not judgingly or mad, this was one of those moments where Michael was the softest person in the world.

Calum chewed on his bottom lip and considered for a moment.

"Can you keep a secret?," Calum whispered.

Michael shook his head yes.

"No, like, really secret. You can't tell the other boys. Or Crystal. You're the person I trust most in the world and this is something I've wanted to tell you for a while now."

"Bro, I know things about you not even your mum knows. We've already had so many shared secrets before we even started the band, of course I can keep this one too," Michael smiled small.

Calum nodded. A short silence followed, then "I think I like guys... No. I know I do."

Michael's lips turned up into a soft smile. "I know."

Calum frowned. "What the fuck do you mean?"

"I mean," Michael said, "that I wasn't sure, but I guessed. I have known you since we were kids, Cal. And when we got into puberty nothing about the way you acted around girls, or even looked at girls, changed. But the way you acted around boys changed a lot."

Calum gave him a lopsided smile.

"Yeah, i couldn't help it, guys are hot. Aaaand I am glad to have you as my best friend, Mikey," he said.

"Me too," Michael grinned and threw himself at Calum to give him a hug.

 

***

 

September turned into October, then the beginning of November. Almost all the leaves had fallen off the trees and now they were just dark giants sticking their crooked arms out to catch the plastic bags floating by occasionally in the big cities. Luke took a deep breath of the fresh cold winter air and pulled his beanie down over his ears. He had told the others that he wasn't feeling well and needed some air, which wasn't a lie.

The dreams came to him almost every night now, robbing him every little bit of sleep, energy and patience. He got into fights with Calum more and more often, simply because he was upset about the situation and upset with himself and even though he had tried not to, he always let it out on Calum. But Calum picked more and more fights with him too, maybe because Luke wasn't really friendly, maybe he just hated Luke by now. But Luke found that he didn't care.

He was beyond caring, so worn out that he was ready to cancel the tour and quit the band. He was done trying, too exhausted to take another step, last another day, play another show.

But whenever he saw Ashton and Michael, he couldn't bring himself to say a word. It wasn't their fault and they shouldn't pay the price for some messed up shit going on between Calum and Luke. Technically, it wasn't Calums fault either. But Luke found that if he pinned a bit of the blame on him, it was easier to keep the act up. He wasn't being fair, but he knew it was necessary for him to survive.

And if he'd go down, he'd go down fighting. Quite literally.

***

Michael sat on the worn out black leather couch in the dressing room of the venue they had played a show at tonight. His hair was damp, his shoes thrown off and laying in a corner and he was staring at the opposite wall. Nothing of the usual adrenaline after finishing a show was cursing through his veins, just a dull gut feeling.

"This is bullshit," Ashton said and fell down on the couch next to Michael,"I am sick of it." The faint sounds of The Chainsmokers playing their set was the only thing audible right now. "Me too," Michael mumbled.

"We gotta talk to them," Ashton sighed.

"And say what? We're not their fucking parents," Michael groaned.

"I don't know man?," Ashton said, his voice desperate,"That they should get their shit together? Stop hating each other? They are fucking fighting all the time over, like, nothing, and the tension on stage doesn't go unnoticed by our fans! Our live shows are getting worse and worse and I bet they'll start fighting on stage soon, too. And I am tired of always having to step in and pick a side and make them talk to each other again! Aren't you?"

"Yeah," Michael breathed,"I am so tired of it.. it's exhausting and slowly tearing the band apart. Honestly we're only touring for three weeks now, and I won't last the upcoming three month if this continues. I'd rather leave the band."

"No," Ashton said, "That's why we gotta talk to them."

"What are we supposed to say? We don't even know what their problem is, they just get angry at each other for little to no reasons. It's like they are a married couple fighting about who took the last toothpaste or whatever."

Ashton reached up to push his red hair out of his face but froze mid motion.

"What," he said slowly, "what if they ARE like a married couple. What if they are in love? But like suppressed emotions that make them aggressive? I mean it is a far shot but.."

Michael considered for a second then shook his head. "It's actually not that far of a shot. Well, okay it is.. unless you know something I don't?"

"Right now I feel like you know something I don't know?," Ashton eyed Michael.

"I've recently talked to Cal..," Michael trailed off.

"And I've talked to Luke..," Ashton said slowly. They both stared at each other while realization slowly settled in.

"Holy shit," Michael breathed out.

"Yeah, holy shit. This is... equally exciting and terrifying."

"Why terrifying?," Michael asked.

"When they break up, our band is over," Ashton mumbled.

"Wow. We don't even know if we are right and if we are, they aren't even dating yet and you already think about their break up?," Michael shook his head but had a small smile on his lips,"you were always the realist in the band."

Before Ashton could reply, they heard shouting from the room next door. Both boys let out a sigh and got up to step in before it got ugly, like they've done it for the past six weeks.

 

***

 

"You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do!," Luke yelled and forcefully stuffed one of his shirts in his backpack.

"Fuck you Luke," Caluk screamed back and threw an empty water bottle in his direction.

"No," Luke burst out and broke into motion, "Fuck you!"

He had shoved Calum against the wall of the small changing room which such a force that he stumbled right after him. They were standing inches apart, glaring at each other, and for a moment Luke wondered if Calum would throw a punch at him.
He didn't.

Instead he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Luke's lips. The kiss wasn't gentle, it was hard, demanding and angry. He pulled away moments later.

Luke glared at Calum, then leant in to press an equally hard kiss to Calums plump lips.

Without parting the kiss, Calum grabbed Luke by the front of his sweatshirt and turned them around before forcefully slamming Luke into the wall and pinning him against it with his whole body. The kiss turned into a rough makeout session, demanding hands traveling over each others bodys. Calum drew away slowly, keeping Luke's bottom lip between his teeth, then let go and let his hands crawl under Luke's shirt. Luke hungrily reconnected their lips and pushed Calums jacket off of his shoulders. Calum slipped his hands into the hem of Luke's glittery dress pants and and Luke's breath hitched before a deep moan escaped his pink lips and he threw his head back against the wall. Calum got to work on Luke's exposed neck, biting and sucking everywhere he could reach.

"God, I hope this is not a dream," Luke quietly moaned out.

"Oh," Calum mumbled, "you've been dreaming about this?"

"N-no?," Luke breathed out, then groaned and threw his head against Calums shoulder while Calum worked his hand in Luke's pants.

"Well, too bad," Calum breathed in Luke's ear, "Cause I have definitely been daydreaming about this plenty of times." He nibbled on Luke's ear and Luke whimpered.

"I've been dreaming about making you mine for so long, Luke," Calum moaned while Luke bit the sensitive spot on Calum neck.

"Then do it, baby," Luke moaned, "make me yours."

"What do you think I am doing right here?," Calum mumbled and Luke gripped Calums shoulders for support while his heartbeat picked up and his breathing became more and more ragged.

They heard the door being pushed open and then immediately shutting again.

 

***

 

Michael was standing there, hand still on the doorknob of the closed door, all color drained from his face except for his flushed cheeks, his eyes blown open wide.

"That looked like they don't need us to sort things out this time," Ashton smirked. Michael's mouth opened, then closed again.

"Holy FUCK" He wasn't able to form another sentence.

"Quite literally," Ashton giggled,"holy shit it'll be a lot of work to convince Lukey that he's not dreaming this time though.."

Michael turned his head towards Ashton and finally seemed to snap out of his shock. "We have to be back on stange and play Who Do You Love with The Chainsmokers in 10 minutes!," he panicked.

"Don't worry man, I think they'll be done by then," Ashton winked and turned to leave and settle back on the couch. As if on clue they heard Luke moaning Calums name.

Michael made a gagging sound. "I think I've just been scarred for life."

 

Chapter 4: SENIOR NIGHT - Lashton, Malum

Summary:

Ashton isn't one for after-school activities, especially not if they involve third wheeling with his best friend Calum and his boyfriend Michael, and especially especially not if it involved having to spend time with Michaels weird friend Luke. Ashton already has too much on his plate as a highschool senior with two baby siblings he has to look after. He doesn't need that weird blondie breadstick confusing and complicating everything even more.

Originally posted: Feburary 2017 on Wattpad

trigger warning: mentioning of self harm

explicit

 

-------

"Hey Ash," Calum beamed as soon as he saw his best friend walked towards his locker.

"Hi mate how are you doing?," Ashton smiled back.

"I'm great," Calum grinned, "What an amazing day to be alive, am I right?"

"Why are you in such a good mood?," Ashton asked irritated while putting in the combination to his locker.

"Mate, I am actually so excited for this afternoon!," Calum closed the door of his locker, which was right next to Ashtons.

"Why's that?," Ashtons voice was muffled while he was rummaging through his locker.

"Because of the meeting for the Senior Night today, duh?," Calum said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Urgh that is today?," Ashton pulled out a book and stuffed it in his bag.

"Yes, bro! I've reminded you on friday!," Calum whined, being every inch the overgrown puppy he was.

Ashton rolled his eyes and slammed his locker shut. "Okay, Cal. I know you're dying to tell me why Senior Night is "such an amazing thing", so get it out of your system."

"Dude, it's like the funniest night of the year! We get to organize an event at school with no limits! I mean... It's like a variety show. We can dance, sing, act, whatever we want. And the best thing is: we can mock the teachers in front of the whole school without getting in trouble!," Calum rambled on, gitty with excitement while they walked down the hallway.

"Woow. So exciting," Ashton mumbled sarcastically, "Also, I know what senior night is. But thanks for the reminder of this awful event designed to torture innocent students."

"C'mon mate! I get to perform my great Mr Harris impression in front if the whole school and he can't even give me detention for it!," Calum had practically heart eyes, "and you're not innocent."

"Your Mr Harris impression is embarrassing," Ashton muttered.

"No it's not! HEY MIKEY!," Calum shouted excitedly upon seeing his boyfriend at the end of the hallway.

He sprinted down the hallway and jumped into Michaels arms.

"Hey babe," Michael laughed and wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller boy. They shared a short kiss before Calum turned to Luke waving at his boyfriends best friend.

"Hi Mike," Ashton smiled when he finally reached the small group.

"Heya man," Michael grinned back, "How are you?"

"A lot better now that Calum will chew your ear off instead of mine," Ashton grinned, dimples popping.

"Michael!," Calum whined, "Ashton has been mean to me all morning!"

"What do you expect?," Michael shrugged, "You're best friends with a sass gnome."

"I am not a gnome, asshole!," Ashton glared.

"Please," Michael laughed and drew himself up straight so he was a head taller than Ashton. Ashton glared death daggers at Michael.

"He's really just a ray of fucking sunshine," Calum waved him off, "Look at his curls and dimples."

Michael snorted. "Well, either way. My best friend is definetly easier to handle."

Ashton looked at Luke who was awkwardly standing a few feet away from the couple. Ashton and Luke never really talked, they actually never really had the chance to talk. But Ashton didn't mind. He didn't feel the need to talk to Luke, Luke seemed odd.

"Babe, tell Ashton that my Mr Harris impersonation is flawless," Calum demanded and glared at Ashton.

"Yeah... not gonna happen," Michael replied and instantly ducked away from Calum.

Calum gasped. "Fucking rude!!"

"C'mon guys let's go," Michael smiled and grabbed Calum's hand. It took him nothing more than a sweet kiss on Calums cheek to erase the pout on Calum's lips.

Michael intertwined their fingers and they walked down the hallway, Ashton on one side of the couple, next to Calum and Luke on the other side next to Michael.

Calum kept on trying to convince Ashton how cool the Senior Night would be but Ashton wasn't having any of it.

After classes had ended, all Seniors were sitting in the schools theater. And by all seniors he meant every single senior attending the school. No one seemed to be missing, not even the schools jocks, bad boys, nerds or emos. Even their DnD club was all present.

Ashton sighed and let himself fall down on a chair next to Calum.

Calum was obviously sitting next to Michael who was, obviously, sitting next to Luke.

Two guys and three girls came on stage. Ashton recognized them from his history class.

"Hey seniors! Welcome to the first meeting for the senior night! Today we are gonna work out the stage Programm. I hope you all brought some time, 'cause this will take a while. First we will collect suggestions on what to perform. When we have the Programm, we will decide who is doing what. So let's get into it!," one of the girls spoke into a microphone and clapped her hands.

Ashton groaned and leant back in his seat. He totally wasn't down for being stuck in the schools theater all afternoon.

Looking to his right, he saw Calum and Michael whispering to each other. It didn't seem to bother the two that they would spend the whole day in uncomfortable hard plastic chairs in the way too hot school theater until their, due to shorts exposed, tights stuck to the blue plastic.

Instead their fingers were intertwined and Michael was rubbing small circles on the back of Calum's hand. Ashton had to smile a little bit.

Michael and Calum were like the most adorable couple in school.

Calum played soccer and Michael football.

Both of them were pretty cocky and cheeky as well as muscular and masculine. But still they managed to be absolute adorable couple goals.

They had the perfect balance between teasing each other and just being incredibly romantic and cheesy.

And even though no one would like to admit it, they were like the whole schools OTP.

The two were constantly playfully fighting for dominance and it just didn't seem like one of them would ever give in. But Ashton knew for a fact that Calum was a bottom, he had to see it with his own eyes when he had entered Calums room without knocking last year.

Ashton shook his head and tried to concentrate on the things that happened around him but he just kept zoning out again and again. At one point, his head rolled to the side and he drifted off.

"Dude are you even listening?," Calum whisper yelled and shook Ashton's shoulder.

"Oh uh.. what?," Ashton blinked his eyes open and tried to shake the disorientation.

"Urgh... So you weren't listening... Okay, well the meeting is over. You and Luke were the last ones who still hadn't got something to do so you are gonna make a short sketch about types of couples in school," Calum explained.

Ashton's eyes widened and his face fell.

"No! No I am not gonna do that!," Ashton said.

"Yes you are, that's what you get for sleeping during an important meeting," Calum smirked.

"No Calum, I am serious! Why don't you and Mike do it? You're all over one another in school all the time anyway! Me and him aren't even dating, let alone friends!!," Ashton huffed.

"Well, Mikey and me are gonna sing," Calum smiled proudly.

"Urgh at least the school doesn't have to see you trying to be Mr Harris..," Ashton mumbled while getting up and peeling his tights off the chairs like all the other students.

"Heyyyyyy don't be so meann," Calum whined and punched his arm.

"No but seriously, I am not gonna do a types of couples with that weird ass blondie with the ridiculous fringe and those weird sunglasses," Ashton huffed.

"Wow by the way this weird blondie is standing right behind you. At least I am not suicidal so who's the freak here?," Luke spit referring to the exposed scars on Ashton's arms.

"HEY! Luke that's not okay! I know Ashton wasn't being a gentleman either but talking about his mental health like this is not a joke. Talk shit about it again and I am not gonna hesitate to hurt you. And trust me I don't care if you're my boyfriends best friend or not," Calum snapped.

"HELLO! I can stand up for myself," Ashton glared at Calum and Luke before turning around and making his way out.

He felt bad for being mean to Calum, but he was angry that he was paired up with Luke. He knew what he said wasn't nice but Luke just had to tease him about his scars. He just had to talk about that one no go topic in Ashton's life.

Later that night, Ashton was laying on his bed, facing the wall. He really felt bad for snapping at Calum earlier, so he decided to send him a quick text.

 

I'm sorry about earlier. I'm glad you always stand up for me.

He got a reply almost instantly.

 

don't worry about it bro. i kinda understand your reaction

but please try it with luke. he's really not too bad. i know he crossed a line and i hate him for that but you were not that kind yourself

 

ik. i'll try to get to know him, okay?

thanks man, ly <3

anyway, wanna get taco bell?

 

***

 

The next morning at school, Ashton went up to Luke while Calum and Michael were making out against Michaels locker.

"Hi. Uhmm... I am sorry about yesterday," Ashton mumbled and looked down.

"No... I.. I should be the one apologizing ... I really shouldn't have talked about mental health like that...," Luke said small.

"How about we start over?," Ashton smiled small.

"Yeah that'd be cool," Luke smiled back.

The bell for first period rang and students around them started moving.

"Alright so about that Senior Night crap... How about you come over to my house after school and we can figure out what to do about it?," Ashton smiled.

"Yeah, alright.. I'll see you at lunch," Luke smiled and hurried down the hallway to his first period. Ashton squinted his eyes and looked after him. Luke seemed to have forgotton all of them had first period together.

"Hey you horny rabbits! Stop fucking and start moving or we'll be late," Ashton said and walked past Calum and Michael.

Calum rolled his eyes but took Michaels hand anyway and together they walked to their first period.

Luke waited at Ashton's locker after school, a smile playing on his lips.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hi," Ashton mumbled while shoving his books into his locker, "my mom just texted me. I have to watch my siblings."

"Okay.. and that means?," Luke asked confused.

"You can still come over if you want," Ashton sighed while slamming the door of his locker shut. He really didn't want Luke to come over. He was tired and just wanted to lay on his bed and listen to music. But he didn't want to cancel with Luke either when they just started to form a somewhat normal relationship.

"Of course I want," Luke smiled, oblivious to Ashtons discomfort, "I'll just follow your car then."

"Yeah that'll work," Ashton muttered while grabbing his backpack and walking towards the door.

As soon as Ashton arrived at home, he hopped out of his car and went up to his front door just as Luke's car pulled into the driveway.

Ashton unlocked the door and left it open for Luke to follow him inside. He slipped off his shoes and jacket and threw his keys on the kitchen table while Luke walked in.

"Lau! Harry! I'm home!," Ashton shouted and soon footsteps were heard from the stairs.

"Ashy," a small boy came running towards him and wrapped his arms and legs around him like a koala. Ashton bent down to pick him up.

"Hey Harry. Hi Lauren," he smiled at his sister who was standing behind Harry. Luke arrived at his side.

"Luke?," Ashton turned his head to the boy next to him, "this is Harry, he's seven. And this is Lauren, she's ten. Guys, this is Luke."

Luke smiled and awkwardly waved at them.

"Is he your boyfriend?," Lauren asked curious.

"No," Ashton muttered and rolled his eyes, "don't you have homework to do?"

"Ashy I'm hungry," Harry piped up, still clinging to his older brother.

"Didn't mum prepare lunch when you came home from school?," Ashton asked frowning.

"No, she called me. Mr Winter isn't letting her leave, she's gotta work an extra shift today..," Lauren said small.

"Alright kids, come on I'll make you food," Ashton sighed and smiled small.

"I'm sorry Luke, you can leave if you want," Ashton said.

"No it's okay," Luke smiled small, "I can help you if you want."

Ashton and Luke went to the kitchen while Lauren and Harry went to play in the living room.

"Where are your parents?," Luke asked while he chopped vegetables and Ashton stirred some eggs in the pan.

Ashton remained silent for a few seconds.

"My mom is at work," he said.

"But why isn't she like.. here? To take care of your siblings? Or your dad?"

"My dad left when I was two. He was an asshole and now my mum is working her ass of to pay the bills and buy food for us. I have a part-time job at the supermarket to support her but her boss Mr Winter is a huge asshole and is letting her work longer than she is supposed to and she gets no extra money for that. But if she doesn't work, she will get fired and we'll end up on the streets. Not everyone can have a happy family, Luke!," Ashton said, slightly annoyed.

Luke looked at him with wide eyes. Ashton sighed.

"I am sorry I snapped. I am tired... ," Ashton mumbled. He remained quiet for a few moments before he spoke up again. "I am more of a father to Lau and Harry than a brother. I always was. And it's hard to take care of them between school and work... but I love them so it's okay. I just want them to be happy."

"I...am sorry you have to go through this," Luke mumbled and put the chopped vegetables in the pan, "For what it's worth, it looks like you're doing a really good job. And I think you're pretty strong for handling all that."

Ashton just gave him a nod and a small smiled. "I appreciate that."

"LAUREN! HARRY! COME EAT!," Ashton shouted while he placed the food on four plates.

Together they sat at the table and ate.

Turns out Luke was great with kids and Lauren and Harry instantly loved Luke. After Ashton had cleaned up with the help of Luke, they went up to Ashton's room. Ashton turned on some music and let himself fall on the bed.

"Get as comfortable as you want," Ashton yawned.

Luke sat down next to Ashton and played with his hands. He looked down at the curly haired teen and saw his eyelids drooping from exhaustion.

Luke wondered how Ashton managed to take care of his siblings, work part time and get good grades at school while maintaining a pretty good social life too.

"Ash?," Luke nuged the older boy slightly.

"Uhhh what?," Ashton groaned and opened his eyes slowly. He sighed.

"How about we go on YouTube and watch this weird 'ten types of couple' shit?," he asked sleepily and set up his laptop.

After like two hours of watching stupid YouTube videos, they came to the conclusion that 'types of couples in high school' is absolutely not funny and absolutely very offensive. And that they would never under any circumstance make a sketch about it.

"How about we go to the others and ask them if we can do something else?," Luke suggested.

"And what would that be? I am literally not good at anything...," Ashton mumbled sleepily and stretched.

Luke's eyes wandered to the drum kit in the corner of the room.

"Do you play?," he asked.

"Yeah kinda," Ashton mumbled.

"We could sing together. And, like, I can play guitar and you drums," Luke smiled.

"Yeah but problem: I can't sing."

"I am sure you can! Or we can perform with Cal and Mike together. Please, anything but this shit!," Luke gestured to the paused YouTube video.

"Well it's better than the couple shit so I guess.. You ask Malum though," Ashton mumbled.

"Yay," Luke smiled. His phone went off.

"I gotta go, my mum's waiting at home," Luke smiled at Ashton.

Ashtons face showed longing for a moment but he soon got his composure back and smiled.

"Alright."

Four hours later, Ashton sat at one of the bar stools in the dimly lit kitchen. It was 10 pm and he already put Harry and Lauren to bed after making them dinner and was now eating his dinner alone.

He picked at his food when he heard the front door open. There was some shuffling outside the kitchen before his mother came in.

"Hey love," she smiled at Ashton.

"Hi mum," he gave her a weak smile.

She put her things down before walking towards him. She stopped next to his chair and cupped his face.

"You look tired sweety," she said, guilt written in her eyes, while her thumb caressed his cheekbone.

"You look tired yourself, mum. I'm glad you're home though," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Ash. I don't want to put you through this, I am so sorry," she said, tearing up.

"It's okay mum, I love Lau and Harry and I don't mind looking after them," Ashton smiled small.

"I don't mean just that... I also mean your job and me never being home... I am sorry I am such a bad mum," she sighed tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"You're not. I love you mummy and you work your ass of just to give us everything we want and need. You are the bestest mum in the world. I mean it," Ashton said honestly.

"Oh God, you're everything a mother could wish for in a child, sweetie. I love you darling," she smiled teary and kissed his forehead.

"I love you too mum," he smiled and hugged her tight.

"Vegemite toast? Are you serious? How will you ever grow big and strong when you just eat Vegemite toast?," his mom laughed slightly, "I am gonna make us some real food."

She shoved up the sleeves of her pullover and began pulling out pans.

Ashton laughed softly and shook his head.

"So how's everything going?," his mum asked while preparing the late night dinner.

"Fine.. nothing's going on really. It's senior night in four weeks and I got teamed up with a guy named Luke to do something .. he was over today. He's Calum's boyfriend Michael's best friend," Ashton said.

"Uhh and what are you two doing?"

"Probably perform with Cal and Michael, they are singing. Luke and Michael play the guitar and I play drums, it makes sense," Ashton said, playing with his fingers.

"Ah, that sounds amazing sweetie. And this Luke? Tell me about him," his mum looked at him with a smirk.

"What do you wanna know?," Ashton asked confused.

"Do you like him?," she smirked.

"MUM!," Ashton shouted and blushed.

"What?," she laughed.

"I don't like him that way. He is nice and seems like a cool dude but no. I don't have a crush on him or find him attractive or anything," Ashton said, a blush still coating his cheeks.

"Ah, I see.. whatever you say..," his mum smirked and turned back to the pans.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that Ashton realised he was wrong by telling his mum he didn't have a crush on Luke.

The four boys had started rehearsing for senior night the day after Luke was over at Ashtons house. They had decided to play as a four piece with Mike and Cal and had picked out the songs Teenage Dirtbag and I miss you.

He and Luke had gotten closer and closer and soon Ashton knew he couldn't ignore the way his heart was beating faster whenever Luke accidentally touched him or smiled at him.

But it wasn't until the evening of senior night that he felt like he would explode if he didn't kiss Luke.

There were lots of people slowly filling the schools theater. Literally every student, teacher and all the parents were piling in there. Ashton was really nervous. He had never played a gig in front of people before and now there was a whole school theater full of them.

Luke came walking towards him.

"Ready?," he asked.

"No," Ashton breathed out.

"Me neither," Luke sighed and looked at his feet. "You know... I am really glad I got teamed up with you, Ash."

Ashtons heart began to beat faster.

"Me too... You are really nice," Ashton smiled small, "And like, your new haircut is so cute."

Luke had gotten rid of the fringe and was now slaying the quiff look.

"You are nice too. And uh thanks I guess?," Luke blushed. He took a deep breath before rushing the words out.

"I really like you."

Ashton's eyes widened. He knew this was the moment. He slowly leaned forward and placed a short kiss on Luke's lips. When Ashton looked up Luke's eyes were blown wide and his cheeks and lips a dark shade of pink.

"I.. I am sorry," Ashton stuttered but got interrupted by Luke who now pressed his lips on Ashton's.

When they parted, Luke smiled just like Ashton.

And then, Ashton tangled his hand in Luke's perfect quiff and Luke looped his hands around Ashtons neck and they both met in a long overdue sweet kiss.

Which turned into a makeout session.

"Will you be my boyfriend?," Ashton whispered after they parted.

"Yes," Luke smiled while catching his breath and they were just about to kiss again when Luke's phone went off. He groaned and looked at the display.

"My mum's here," Luke smiled small, "do you wanna meet her?"

Ashton nodded hesitantly. Luke took his hand and together they made their way to the seat of Luke's mum.

"Hi mum," Luke smiled and hugged her, "meet Ashton."

Ashton waved at her and got pulled into a big hug by her.

"Luke is talking about you 24/7," Luke's mum rambled happy but Ashton was distracted by something else.

A few rows behind them, he caught sight of a women with two kids taking their seats. His heart stopped and skipped a beat before it beat a thousand times faster.

He broke the hug with Luke's mum and turned to Luke.

"My mum's here," he breathed out and tears gathered in his eyes, "she is here, Luke! She is here!"

Ashton began running to his family's seats.

"Mum," he choked out before wrapping his arms around her, "you are here!!"

"Yes, baby I am here. I wouldn't want to miss out the first gig of my new favorite band," she spoke softly. Ashton laughed a bit through his tears.

"Aww baby stop crying! Is it that bad I am here?," She asked jokingly and wiped away the fallen tears.

"No it just... It means so much to me. I love you mum," he smiled and kissed her cheek. His mum returned the kiss and looked behind him, smiling small.

Ashton turned around and saw Luke standing behind him.

"Mum?," he said and grabbed Luke's hand, "meet Luke, my boyfriend."

His mums face lit up and a huge smile spread across her face.

"I knew it. I knew it all along.. c'mere you two," she smiled and hugged both boys close to her chest.

"Oh my God my otp is real!!! MICHAEL MY FUCKING OTP IS REAL!! I KNEW IT!! MIKEYY!! ASH AND LUKE ARE DATING!! MIKEEEYYYYYYY," Calum squealed and jumped up and down. He had been walking by and caught the last part of the conversation.

"Husshh babe, calm down," Michael laughed and wrapped his arms around Calum.

"But, Mikey!! Ash and Luke dating and-," Calum rambled on. Michael waved his hand at Ashtons mum as a greeting and mouthed an "I am sorry about him", before he gently led a still rambling Calum away to the backstage rooms.

 

Chapter 5: BURN, CRASH, ROMANCE - Mashton

Summary:

Michaels boyfriend Ashton treats him like shit most of the time and is a pro in gaslighting him. Michael believes it when Ashton assures him he's just overeacting until Michael catches Ashton red handed - with someone he never thought would backstab him like that.

Originally posted: September 2019 on Wattpad

Michael was surprised how fluffy the cushions of their tourbus couch were. He sat cramped in the corner of one of the couches in the back of the bus surrounded by cushions and wasn't sure if he was trying to disappear into the couch or not.

Fact was that he had his big black headphones on, but had no music playing and was staring at his black phone screen very intensely, as if he was watching the best movie ever.

But in reality he was watching his boyfriend of two years interact with his stupid lanky blonde friend who was currently laughing at one of Ashtons jokes.

Michael didn't want to be upset about it. After all Luke was their best friend and it was a normal thing to joke between friends. But he couldn't help feeling the sickening feeling if jealousy clawing at his stomach.
He wasn't jealous because he thought they might start feeling something for each other. Luke was extremely staraight and Michael trusted Ashton. No, he was jealous that Ashton spent so much time with Luke. So so so much time.
Michael sometimes had to literally beg Ashton to spent some time alone with him, and they were BOYFRIENDS.

Michael felt like he had been punched in the stomach when the two boys had entered the back of the bus an hour ago and Ashton sat down with Luke instead of him, even though the two of them hadn't spoken a single word this morning yet. So Michael had put on his headphones after a while of being ignored by Ashton and pretended he didn't notice them. Two could play the game.

This was another thing Michael was upset about. Whenever they spent time as a group of friends, Ashton talked to Luke and Calum, but acted like Michael was invisible. It was always Calum or Luke who adressed Michael in conversations and who tried to keep him involved.
Calum had noticed that too and was equally pissed at Ashton for treating his longest and best friend like that.

Calum was sitting on the other end of the couch and kept throwing Michael sympathetic looks, while throwing death glares at Ashton.

"Luke?," he now heard Calum saying, "Aren't you hungry? Because I am, we haven't had breakfast yet!"

Luke's face lit up. "Man, food sounds amazing!"

The two stood up and left the room. Michael slowly removed his headphones and put them on the table in front of him.
Then he looked at Ashton. And Ashton finally, finally looked at him.

They just stared at each other for a few long seconds.

And then, tears started filling Michael's eyes. Ashton didn't even seem to realize how much of an asshead he was being and didn't seem like wanting to take responsibility for it either.

"Hey, are you okay?," Ashton asked with wide eyes.

"Fuck off," Michael chocked out before the first tears spilled.

"What? Why??," he asked confused while coming over to Michael.

"Why do you always pretend like I don't exist when we're with friends?," Michael chocked out.

"I didn't!!"

"Hello? You sat down with Luke at the other end of the room? I haven't talked to you today yet, it would've been nice to hear a good morning from my boyfriend.. and it's not just today, it is ALWAYS! When someone else is around, you ignore me completely, like I am all of a sudden not important enough!!!"

"I am sorry, babe, this is not at all what I wanted you to believe! Oh God, Mike, I am sorry.. I didn't know you felt that way," Ashton said and hugged Michael.

Michael sighed and hugged back.

"No I am sorry for making this such a big deal," Michael said small and hid his face in Ashtons neck.

 

***

 

Michael slowly opened his eyes and groaned. His head was pounding and he felt sick, hot and exhausted.
He had woken up with the flu this morning, leaving Ashton, Luke and Calum to go to the interview alone so he could get some sleep.

Michael reached out his hand and grabbed his phone. Checking the time he sat up in his bed and almost hit his head. The interview was over two hours ago, and Ashton had promised him to come straight back to take care of him and bring him some medicine and soup. But judging by the silence in the hotel room, nobody was there.

There was a text in the group chat, Calum telling them that he'd be spending the evening with Roy, but other than that, there was nothing.

Michael suddenly felt scared.
The more you love someone, the scarier it gets when said person could be in danger.

Michael sat up in bed and dialed Ashtons number, praying he'd pick up.
And he did.

"Hey..?," Ashton greeted him.

"Uh, Hey.. are you okay?," Michael asked small.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?," Ashton chuckled.

"Well, you said you'd be home two hours ago, and you didn't reach out to me..?," Michael chewed on his bottom lip.

"Aww c'mon babe," Ashton laughed, "I just forgot the time talking to Luke. I'll come home soon, alright? No reason to freak out."

"I am not freaking out," Michael pouted, "I just think it's your duty in a committed relationship to at least send me a quick text when you're TWO HOURS late, so I don't worry you're dead. Also, I am sick, I want cuddles."

"Yeah alright, I'll be making my way to the hotel now," Ashton sighed.

"Kay, bye," Michael croaked out.

"Bye."

As soon as Ashton hung up, the tears started falling from Michael's eyes. He was left feeling like a burden to Ashton again and his boyfriend had picked someone else over him again as well.

It was about another hour later when he got a Text from Ashton asking him to open the door.
Michael got up and stumbled to the door, feeling weak and dizzy.

"Hey," Ashton smiled, "how are you?"

Michael was about to answer when he heard rummaging behind Ashton and Luke's blonde head appeared.

"Oh, and I brought Luke," Ashton grinned.

Michael's shoulders slumped and he turned around and crawled into bed again without another word.

"Hey, buddy," Luke smiled.

"Hey," Michael croaked out.

"Hey, are you still sick?," Luke asked, "you sound like you've been yelling all day."

"Yeah, I'm still feeling like shit. Hasn't Ashton told you?," Michael looked at Ashton.

"No..," Luke trailed off, "I better get going then. Sorry I bothered you, Mikey. Get well soon!"

"Nooo don't go," Ashton pouted, "Mikey, he can stay for a while, right?"

Michael buried his face in his pillow and huffed out a small "fine". He wasn't annoyed by Luke, he was annoyed by his fucking boyfriend.

"Luke and me brought Chinese food, but I didn't think you wanted some since you're sick, right?," Ashton said while placing a bag of food on the table.

"No, I am good" Michael mumbled his face still buried in his pillow.

"Oh Mikey, we could've brought you soup," Luke frowned regretful, "Ahhh if only I knew you were sick, I know a place where they make great chicken soup."

Michael slowly lifted his face from his pillow and smiled small at Luke. "I'll be fine, Luke. Thank you for caring though." And he meant it.

Ignoring the growling of his empty stomach and the voices of his two bandmates, Michael tried to fall asleep again.
A few hours later, he woke up due to the bathroom door falling shut.

"Ash?," Michael mumbled sleepily.

"Sorry, honey," Ashton whispered back.

"Cuddle me," Michael spoke softly.

"Ahhh I can't.. I wanna hit the gym, and it's already 11:30pm, I gotta hurry..," Ashton scratched the back of his neck.

Michael sighed and turned around in bed. The last thing he heard before drifting off to sleep again was the hotel room door falling shut again.
The next time Michael woke up was in the middle of the night. He was freezing and sat up to grab the third blanket to pile it on him.
In the pale light the moon was casting through the window Michael could see the outlines of his sleeping boyfriend.

Ashton was so close.

And yet, Michael had never felt further away from him.

Michael buried his face in his hands. His thoughts were running in circles again. Was this how relationships were supposed to be like? Michael just kept giving and kept swallowing everything, and Ashton barely gave anything. Instead he was always hanging out with Luke.

Falling back into his pillows, prayed to the Gods that Ashton was just going through something and would return to his old charming self soon.
Michael never really believed in God, but when the situation still was the same two month later, he lost hope that his prayers would ever be heard by whoever the fuck was up there.

 

***

 

Right now, Michael was preparing for a day in the studio with Calum. It was 5SOS3 writing time.
Ashton had left early, claiming he'd be grabbing an iced coffee before meeting him and the others downstairs.
Michael was low on energy and spirit anyway, so he dismissed Ashton.

For breakfast he had two antidepressants and a glass of water.
Yes, Michael was depressed. He had been on antidepressants for the better half of his life, but had stopped taking them as soon as him and Ashton had started dating. But with everything that's been going on lately, he decided to start taking them again, because his depression was back, and worse than ever.

He heard a knock on the hotel room door and was quick to gather his stuff. He stepped out to be met by Calum holding out his arms. Michael gratefully accepted the hug.

"Let's get this over with, shall we?," Calum mumbled and Michael nodded.
They cramped into the elevator with too many other people and Michael was glad when he finally got to breath again downstairs.

"Hey mate, let's check out the gym, I was thinking about going later," Calum grinned and nodded his head to a narrow corridor.

Michael silently followed him until they stood infront of a huge wing door. Calum pushed it open and it took Michael a second to understand what he was looking at.

Ashton had Luke pressed against the wall of the gym and they were making out, Ashton having his hands under Luke's muscle shirt.

By the time Calum had recovered enough from the shock to turn around, Michael had already vanished to the bathroom to be sick.

"You," Calum yelled, causing Ashton and Luke to jump apart, "are fucking disgusting."

"Shit shit shit," Ashton panicked, "please don't tell Michael!"

Calum huffed. "Michael was here until two seconds ago, shitface. Good luck getting out of this one."
Calum turned around without another word to find his best friend.

Michael sat cramped into the corner of a couch yet again, but this time it was the studio sofa and Calum was the only one sitting next to him.

"Mikey, we don't have to write a fucking song today," Calum said and scooted closer to his best friend, "Let's just chill, I can leave you alone if you want to, or we can get food and shit. I don't know.."

"No, Cal, it's okay. It's less painful when I occupy myself."

Calum remained silent for a few moments. "He didn't deserve you anyway, he never did."

Michael didn't reply, instead he made grabby hands. "Gimme the paper and a pen."
Calum obeyed without asking questions.

Michael took the marker and viciously began scribbling down words. The moment he clicked the cap back on the pen, Calum snatched the paper from him.

ROMANCE, WON'T LAST I AM OKAY WITH THAT
BURN CRASH ROMANCE
I'LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET FROM YOU

"Ah," Calum mumbled, "Mikey, I am not sure this is the kind of song the band stands for. But hey, as I said, let's skip this writing session. I don't even know if wer'e a band anymore to be honest."

"I don't know. Are we?"

"That's your decision, Mikey. You're the one who got incredibly hurt here. All I can say is that I hate Ashtons ass. And Luke's as well."

"Why Luke?"

"Excuse me? He knew about your relationship and still went and made out with Ashton. He let it happen when he knew you'd get hurt. He is as much of an asshole as Ashton is. But if you say you want to continue this band and want to give them another chance, I can respect that and swallow my anger. I don't have to be best friends with them, band mates is okay though. I can manage. It's up to you, mate. It's a decision only you can make for yourself.."

Michael sighed. "Well, I can't do that yet. So until then, let's write a fucking song."

"Okay, if that is what you want..," Calum said feeling uneasy.

"It is," Michael narrowed his eyes, "It will be called Lie To Me and it's gonna be fucking savage. Let's go."

It took them less than an hour to finish writing the song.
Calum left, after checking ten times if Michael actually was okay, to go for a run outside. He didn't want to ever go to that gym again.

Michael was left with a pen and paper, scribbling down lyrics to the song he viciously started earlier.

Now he was staring at the bottom of the page.

Talk Fast - 5 Seconds Of Summer

That's what he had written down there, more out of the habit of signing his work than actual intention.

He fell back into the couch and studied the ceiling. He tried to imagine singing this song, those words of hurt caused by the person he had loved most on the world. Tried to imagine letting Ashton play drums to it, letting Luke sing along.

And that was all it took for Michael to make the decision.

Michael got to his feet and snatched the lighter Calum hat forgotten on the table.

He took the paper and read through his lyrics once again before lighting the edge of it on fire.

Michael was smiling while he stood in the middle of the tiny studio and watched the words go up in flames.
And with them, the name of the band he used to be a part of.

Chapter 6: YOUNGBLOOD

Summary:

This one has no ship. Just the boys writing Youngblood.

I wrote it back in early 2019, after Youngblood was released and after all the stuff with Arzaylea went down. You can definetly feel the vibe of the fandom back then in this one.

Originally posted: Mai 2019 on Wattpad

Luke sat awake in his bed again, staring at the opposite wall. His bed was big and fluffy and soft. But to Luke, it mostly felt cold and empty.
He ran his hands through his hair, again, like he did every five minutes. There was a time when he found it relaxing whenever someone ran a hand through his hair, now it was just a gesture to occupy his fingers, to occupy his body, his brain. He did it just to do something. Anything.
Anything was better than having nothing to do.

He knew he'd have to be fit and awake in the studio in six hours to start the writing of 5Sos3, but he found that he didn't really care. He started worrying at his already bitten down nails and tried not to think about the last couple of weeks too much.

It's twisted isn't it? The way you can miss something without wanting it back. The way you could miss something you had with a person without wanting them back.
The emptiness in your heart that was once occupied by a person you loved and was now nothing but a black hole sucking in all the positive feelings in your body, as well as the ability to sleep and eat.

Luke knew his relationship had been anything but healthy. He knew he had been suffering and that he hadn't really been happy. He knew he'd been used but he always thought that they were just bend, not broken. He had given her everything and his whole heart. He'd given and given and given and she had taken it. But she had never given anything back.
Luke had told himself that it was alright, that this was just the way she was. That she wasn't the romantic type. Or the talkative type. Or the type that likes fully commitment to a person. And he had told himself that he didn't care.
He had been in love.

Hopelessly.

Desperately.

Unhealthily.

And then it all blew up in his face the moment she'd called him, telling him that she didn't love him anymore, hadn't loved him in month, and that she'd made out with this other guy the other day and that they were dating now.

Luke knew heartbreak hurt. But he didn't realize how worse being cheated on felt. Being betrayed by someone you trusted blindly is cruel, so is making someone a top priority when you're nothing but an option to them.

Luke also knew it was for the better, this breakup. But he was miserable anyways. Being alone after such a long time was something he'd had to get used to again. She had been his world, had been in all the aspect of his life, all the darkest corners of his mind and everything he did.
And now, everything in his life screamed all the lies she'd told him back at him. All the "I love you"'s and broken promises. He felt like a joke. He felt used and stupid and naive.

But mostly alone.

Luke found that if he just kept moving, he was actually feeling better. If he just kept himself busy and kept his brain occupied then it wouldn't go to the emptiness and the dark places again.

Luke heard soft tapping sounds on his wooden floor and immediately brightened up.

"Petunia," Luke cheered and a moment later, Luke's big dog jumped up on the bed next to him. He usually had a "no dog in bed" policy, but these were obviously exceptional circumstances.

"Oh Petunia," Luke sighed and rubbed his dog's head, "you're the only girl that stuck with me, aren't you?"

Luke got up and drew back the curtains infront of his window. Early morning sun was casting soft light in Luke's big bedroom. He moved over to the closet and drew out some sweatpants.

"You know," Luke said, talking to Petunia, which he did alot lately since he felt less alone while doing it, "I want to forget. I really want to. Like, for the first time ever, the lyrics of Amnesia actually make sense to me. But I rember the words she told me. She said she'd love me til the day I die. Well, I did die for her pretty soon I guess." Luke fell back down on his bed and picked up his laptop. "So I was so stupid and surrendered my everything because she made me believe I'm hers. Forever."

Luke looked at his dog, who was either sleeping or pretending. "Hey! Not fair, Petunia! I am talking to you!" Petunia turned her head at hearing her name and looked up at her owner. "Thanks. Do you know how weird it is to get called by name again, after being called "Baby" for such a long time? Weird. Though I wish she wouldn't call me at all." Luke patted Petunias back before he returned to his laptop. "Anyways, I have to close this chapter or I am gonna lose my mind. So I have decided that the two of us will be moving!" Petunia looked at him judging.

"Whaaat?? I know I know we've only just moved in half a year ago, but everything in here reminds me too much of her. I want a fresh start. Only the two of us, how does that sound?" Petunia made a happy noise and rolled over to snuggle up to Luke's legs. "Awww, I thought so. After all, you are the most important girl in my life," Luke cooed and scratched his dog behind her ears, "now, let's look at houses."

 

***

 

Calum slowly opened his eyes. Soft morning light poured into the big living space that was Ashton's kitchen and living area. He started rolling his head to the side, groaning in pain.

He had yet again neck pains due to sleeping on Ashton's couch, which looked more comfortable than it actually was. But Calum would never even think about complaining. Ashton was a true life saver for letting him crash at his couch for now almost a month. A literal life saver.

Because Calum knew, back when Ashton first let him sleep at his place, he couldn't be trusted to be alone. Especially not at night.

Calum had been a mess. Okay, he had always been kind of a mess, but now it was worse then ever. The band had returned from touring for almost four years straight, only ever stopping for four month to record the second album. When they came back home, four month ago, everyone had somewhere to be.

Ashton was off to see his family, be there for his little sister's graduation, see his friends and take his family on a little vacation to catch up and make up for all the missed birthdays and missed formals and football games.

Michael was off with his longtime girlfriend on vacation to some warm place, finally being able to spend time with her without either being on the road or having only a limited time with her before he had to leave to another city again.

And Luke had a girlfriend too, spend loads of time with her, had moved into a house with her, though they recently broke up and now Luke took some time for himself to figure out the breakup and what he wanted to do.

Only Calum had nowhere to be. He had seen his sister only recently in London and she was now recording an album and Calum didn't want to bother or distract her. His parents were on vacation themselves, and though they asked Calum to join him, Calum declined the offer because he didn't want to be a burden to them.

Maybe that was one of the many issues he had, Calum thought. He never wanted to be a burden to anyone. That's also why he was feeling extremely guilty for crashing at Ashton's place for a moth already, but Calum also knew it was better for him. And he knew Ashton didn't really mind his company.

When Calum had returned to LA, after four years of non-stop touring and being busy, had he found himself in a new situation he didn't know how to deal with. He had felt oddly alone without anyone he knew around. His best friends and brothers were all off living ther lives, and most of his other friends were musicians themselves, out on tour scattered around the world.

Calum always had a problem with being alone. Maybe it was because he had always been an outcast at school and had never really had any friends until he had Michael. And those years before Michael were the worst of his life. And now he was alone again.

He didn't want those thoughts, he really didn't but he couldn't help it. They kept coming to him anyway.

No one actually needed him. He needed other people, was in desperate need of his band mates and friends, but none of them were dependent on Calum. They could go on and live without him, they all made friends outside the band and their inner circle of friends, had friends all around the world.
And Calum didn't.
He had few friends and wasn't the confident type who found it easy to make new friends.

He was just an option to so many people who meant so much to him. He was just tagging along in the band as well.
He always made fun of it, trying to play it off cool, but he knew that to most fans, he was the least favorite in the band. He just played the bass, he was valuable to them. In fact, when they started the band, he couldn't even play an instrument yet and just got included because he was Michael's and Luke's best friend.
He was just lucky to be at the right place the right time, unlike the others who were all in the band because they were incredibly talented.

And then there was another big thing that was eating at him besides those thoughts powered by depression.

He looked at the other boys and their relationships and adored what they had. He was not jealous, he was incredibly happy for them, but he couldn't help but feel alone. He desperately wanted something like that, a relationship with a person who'd love him unconditionally. But he knew he couldn't have that. Because there was something he was keeping locked away deep inside of him.
Calum was gay. But he also knew that the world couldn't know. So dating was off limits for him, at least for now.. and probably the next few years.

All these things got to his head during the first two month he stayed alone in LA. Eight weeks of loneliness, eight weeks of sleepless nights, eight weeks of depression that had gotten stronger each day. He had felt like he didn't belong where he was, and had never deserved to be in the band. He had had trouble figuring out who he was and felt like he was stuck at the foot of a mountain, so high he couldn't see the top. And at that time he hadn't known if he had the strength to climb that mountain.

He had tried to find things to make the pain bearable. Had tried to work out at first, then it turned into excessive workout. Had tried to renovate his appartment but got tired after finishing half of it. Had tried to meet new people, but who did he think he was? It hadn't worked. He drank, but soon realized he wouldn't get what he wanted out of it, just bad bad hangovers, and stopped. He had even tried weed, but it only made him paranoid.

At some point nothing was enough to quiet the voices inside his head. He really hadn't wanted to go back where he had been when he was sixteen. He never thought he'd relapse, but he couldn't help it. Because that particular night had been the worst of all and he hadn't seen another way out.

So he had taken the blade and had made a cut. Just one. And then he had realized what he'd done and had dropped the blade. He had run out of his appartment and had run through the neighborhood and down to the coast until his legs couldn't carry him anymore and he had collapsed feeling like his lungs were being ripped from his body. He couldn't believe he had just thrown away five years of being clean.

That happened a few times again after the first incident until the day Ashton decided to drop by at Calum's apartment.

Calum came back from a morning run and saw Ashton standing in the middle of his appartment.

"Oh, buddy," he had sighed and opened his arms. Calum had blindly stumbled into them. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I did this to all of you. I... I relapsed, oh my god what did I do. Ash, help me, please. Help me.."

"I will buddy. Go pack a bag of clothes, I am not trusting you alone. Either I stay with you or you with me, and since I think my apartment is... more put together right now, you'll be staying with me. You're not alone in this, Cal, and you are asking for help which is the first big step towards fixing this. We'll get you through this. Together."

All of it seemed to have happened such along time ago when in reality it's been barely a month.

Calum slowly stood up, shivering as his bare feet touched the cold dark stone tiles of Ashton's living room.
But today, Calum thought, his life was gonna change for the better.
Yesterday Calum had signed a contract for a new apartment. Well, not apartment, it was a small house. And it was right next to Ashton's house. And today Calum wanted to start moving in, wanted to paint the walls and set up his bed after the writing session so that he could say this had really been his last night on Ashton's couch. He wanted a fresh start, and today with the start of producing their new album seemed perfect to Calum.

With a smile on his lips he started to prepare breakfast for himself.

 

***

 

Ashton silently cursed his plans of taking a good morning run to get his head free for writing today. He picked up his blaring phone and saw it read 5:45.
He also saw that he had four messages from Luke.

 

Luke US

Ashton how do you deal WITH YOUR EX GETTING TOO DRUNK AND THEN SHE CALLS ABOUT A HUNDRED TIMES WHEN ALL OF OUR CONVERSATONS ALREADY ENDED LIKE A LAST GOODBYE LATELY?????? I AM PISSED AND NOW I CAN'T SLEEP.

HoLY shIT I just had the most amazing song idea

Ashton, do you live in Harrison Street?

Bro call me when you wake uppppp

 

Ashton sighed. Luke was struggling and it hurt him not being able to help the younger man. But heartbreak was something every person had to get through on their own. All Ashton could do now was being a good friend.

 

Luke is it a pressing matter? if it's not I'll call you in about an hour okay?

 

Luke US

No it's not,take your time mate! :-)

 

Ashton heard rummaging in the kitchen. Calum was probably up and looking for something to eat.

Ashton decided he couldn't keep avoiding stepping out of bed and into the freezing air of his bedroom. So he got out of bed, threw on some workout clothes, brushed his teeth and shuffled out of his room and into his kitchen.

He saw Calum standing at the counter cutting up an avocado. Ashton took a moment to absorb the younger man.

He looked content, the only sign of what had happened about a moth ago were the few slowly fading scars on his arms. Seeing them still made Ashton uneasy. Because he had failed to be there for the other boy who was like his little brother.

Of course, it wasn't Ashton's job to babysit his band mates, but wasn't it though? Sure he wasn't their dad but he was their big brother and weren't big brothers supposed to always watch out for their younger siblings?
Either way had Ashton made that his top priority a long time ago. He was always gonna be there for his brothers, no matter what.
And with Calum on depression recovery and Luke having a broken heart he had his hands full. Michael was doing amazing though, which made Ashton incredibly happy. Michael had been through so much already, he deserved to walk on the bright side of life now.

"Hey buddy," Ashton smiled as he stepped into the kitchen.

"Hey man," Calum smiled back, "Want some breakfast?"

"No thanks dude, I'm heading out for a run first. Will be back in an hour or so," he smiled.

"Kay, I'll probably be next door setting some things up," Calum beams.

"Yay," Ashton smiled, his dimples showing, "Take care man." He motioned for Calum to get into a hug and Calum happily did so.

"I'm prouda ya buddy. But just because you move out doesn't mean you're not welcome here anymore. Whenever you need anything just come over, you hear me?"

"Yeah, thanks man. I owe you big times."

"You don't owe me anything. I am good as long as you're happy dude."

"Thanks Ash." Calum hugged the smaller boy harder before letting go.

"See you later!"

"Yes, call me when you're ready to go to the studio!," Calum shouted after Ashton.

Twenty minutes later Ashton had jogged along the quiet neighborhood and into a big park. He decided he could use a break and took out his phone while sitting down on a bench.

It was time to make the promised call to Luke.

Luke picked up on the second ring.

"Hey dude, what's up?"

"Huh, what's up with you dude, you were the one begging me to call you at 4 am," Ashton joked.

"Yeah, so I was looking at houses and there was one on Harrison Street and I was wondering if you lived there because I thought you did. Nevermind though, I already found your address on one of the contracts we made with the record label last week. I was right." Ashton could hear the smirk in Luke's voice.

"Wow. Such a stalker. Why are you looking for a house?"

"I.. think I could use a change of environment."

"Oh? But you only just moved into your new house six month ago and your house is fancy Luke! It's incredible and the architecture is amazing, down here you will never find a house like that? Here are small old houses and neighborhoods with highschools, parks and playgrounds.."

"I don't want this house. Yes it is amazing, a house full of everything I wanted, but to me it's an empty home. I don't want to live here anymore, Ash. Too many memories I wish I can forget..," all the playfulness was gone from Luke's voice.
Luke's ex had broken him and Ashton wanted to break every bone in her body for making Luke this hurting, more grown up version of himself.

"Right... so yeah, I am living in Harrison Street," Ashton changed the topic.

"Great! I'll buy the house!! It's just down the road from you!," Luke sounded excited.

"You know who else lives in Harrison Street?," Ashton asked.

"Who?"

"Cal. He signed his contract yesterday, moves into the house next to me," Ash smiled.

"WHAT? THAT'S AMAZING ALL OF US LIVING IN THE SAME STREET? Okay.. except for Mike.. BUT WE CAN HAVE BRO HANGOUTS AND - Petunia, nO! You caN'T eAt ThAT!!," Luke cut himself off.

"I mean if I get to see Petunia more often then I am loving the idea of you moving here," Ashton laughed.

"And then, you'll have someone else to be there for Calum too," Luke said more serious, "It'll be good for you to take a break for yourself from time to time. And for your - date? Are you dating her now or what?"

"It is.... complicated.. and thanks, that's very sweet Luke, but as of right now I am pretty content with life. You need to take time for yourself first. And remember, I am always here for you," Ashton reminded the youngest of the band.

"I am always here for you too, Ash," Luke said softly.

"I know. I love you mate," Ash smiled.

"I love you too... god that's so gay," Luke laughed.

Ashton cringed.

"Yeah, let's turn it down with the gay jokes a little, alright?," Ashton said, thinking of the evening two weeks ago when Calum had come out to him and Ashton had held the sobbing boy for hours. Being in a band with such publicity and having to hide himself away all those years had gotten to him. Who could blame him though?

"Uh.. okay..?," Luke sounded confused.

"Call me later if you want a ride to the Studio with me and Cal!," Ash said cheerfully.

"Uh, who's driving? I don't trust Cal," Luke joked.

"Shut up, jerk. I got to go now. Catch you later, buddy," Ash smiled.

"Later. Bye!," Luke hung up the phone and Ashton got up to jog back to his house for breakfast and a good shower.

 

***

 

Michael turned in his slumber and instinctively reached for the right side of the bed. But he was met with cold empty sheets.
He let out a soft whine and forced one eye open and was indeed met with the sight of an empty bed.
Michael groaned and pushed himself up on his ellbows. He blinked against the soft sunlight that illuminated his bedroom to check the clock on the opposite wall.

1:30 pm

Whoops. No wonder his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. She was probably out working.
Michael fell back against the pillows and closed his eyes again. Pictures of last night came flooding back to him. They had hosted a tiny engagement party.

Michael still couldn't really understand how he got so lucky. Only four years ago he never would've thought he'd marry, never would've thought he would find someone who'd put up with his shit or who was as nerdy and weird as him. And yet, now he could call the most beautiful girl on the planet his financé.

Michael just laid there for a while, embracing the happiness he felt at this point in his life.

That was until his phone went off.

He rolled over and picked it up. He had a message from his girl, one in the 5Sos group chat and two from Ashton.

Sending a quick reply to his finance, he checked the group chat.

 

 

Ashton US

Quick reminder: meeting at the studio today at 2:30. Especially for you MIKE!!!

 

 

Michael dropped his phone and shot up. It was currently 1:45 and the studio was a 25 minutes drive away. Shit.

His phone started playing the guitar riff to jet black heart, indicating that one of the boys was calling. It was Calum.

Michael picked up and somehow grumbled a greeting into the phone.

"Hey buddy you're up!," Calum cheered.

"Course I'm up, I've been up for hours," Michael said yawning.

"Yeah yeah keep telling yourself that buddy," Calum laughed, "I'm calling because I wanted to ask you if you'd want a ride to the studio. We're picking Luke up so we'll go past your house anyway."

"Oh yeah... Uh sure. When will you be here?," Michael asked while he walked towards the window and drew the curtains aside. The sun was so bright Michael felt like he would instantly be burned alife. Okay, maybe he was being overdramatic.
But honestly, once emo, always emo.

"Uh, say 15 minutes?," Cal spoke, "in case you can get ready until then."

"Are you kidding me? I am already ready to go. I was born ready!," Michael exclaimed.

"Okay, then 15 minutes it is. Meet you outside."

"Okay. See ya."

"See ya. Bye."

Michael shut the phone off and fell back into the matress. 15 minutes? That meant 5 more minutes of sleep for him!

Not long after, he was forcefully woken up by someone blaring music right next to his ear. Michael snapped open his eyes and was met with the grinning face of his best friend. He instantly regretted giving him a spare key to his house.

"I kNEW you weren't actually up!!," Calum smirked down at him in triumph.

"Mate, shut off the music," Michael groaned and tried to pry Calum's phone out of his hand.

"What, so now being woken up to heartbreak girl isn't a great wake up call anymore?," Calum asked fake offended, "we used to have that as our alarm every morning."

"Yeah but that was on Rock Out With Your Socks Out! Four years ago Calum!," Michael groaned.

"Anyways, get up. You have 5 minutes before Ashton loses his temper."

"5 minutes?? Mate how am I-"

"Now four."

Michael whined in annoyance and crawled out of bed. It actually took him ten minutes to shower, brush his teeth, throw on some clothes and fix his hair.

After that he proceeded to grab a drink from the kitchen. Calum was sitting on the counter, staring at his phone.

"You're 5 minutes late."

"And you're a dick," Michael pouted while taking a bottle of water out of the fridge. He found that the fridge was empty except for leftover cake from the party last night. Guess he had to stick with that for breakfast.

Calum followed Michael out of the house and into the car.

"You're late," Ashton whined from the driver's seat as he started the engine.

"C'mon guys stop whining!! Five minutes is not a big deal," Michael groaned.

"Actually it's 10," Calum butted in.

"WOULD YOU STOP BACKSTABBING ME? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE ON MY SIDE," Michael whined offended.

"Are you having heavily iced pink cake for breakfast?," Luke asked from where he was riding shotgun.

"Yes? Any more complaints?," Michael grumbled.

"No complaints mate. I've been there. It's good to see you man," Luke smiled through the front mirror.

Michael smiled around a mouth full of extremely sweet cake.

"Want some?," he offered Calum and Calum leant down to take a bite out of the big pink cake chunk in Michael's hand.

"Last night was great, Mikey. You two really did a great job hosting this cute party," Ashton smiled after a while. He had turned on some music that was now playing softly in the background.

"Thanks man," Michael smiled to himself and took another bite of cake.

"Ash feels like a proud dad," Calum joked.

"Can you like not make dad jokes at this time of day??,"Michael whined through his full mouth, "we're not even at the Studio yet."

"Actually we are," Ashton chimed in and pulled into the parking lot.

"Yay finally," Luke whooped and jumped out of the car.

Calum opened the door for Michal and him, the older boy holding his sticky hands infront of him as to not get icing all over Ashton's car.

"Okay guys, let's do this," Ashton smiled and took a deep breath.

"This one's gonna be a good one. I know it," Luke mumbled.

And even though Michael never pushed his hopes too high in case their music started to flop and their success started to fade one day, he had the same gut feeling as Luke.

The third album was gonna be a good one.

 

Chapter 7: STUCK WITH YOU - Muke

Summary:

Michael and Luke, two strangers, get stuck in a crappy McDonalds bathroom when said McDonalds gets hijacked by gang members who take hostages. Chaos ensues.
Believe me, it's better than it sounds!

Originally posted: August 2017 on Wattpad

"What. The. Fuck. Did just happen?," Michael panted and supported himself with one hand on the brick wall next to him.

He looked back only to see the lanky blonde stumbling into the alley and struggling to keep running while blue lights flashed around the corner and sirens cut through the night.

 

*12 Hours before*

 

Michael sighed and rubbed his face while he waited for someone to finish their business so he could disappear into the gross McDonald's toilet stall to have a moment of silence and peace... as far as that's possible inside of a smelly toilet stall.

He heard a toilet being flushed, then a door being unlocked and finally a man stepped out of the cabin and Michael rushed in, quickly closing the door behind him.

He panted a little bit, his back leaning against the plastic door while his panic attack began full on hitting him.

He just wanted to pick up some food goddamnit. But of fucking course Michaels ex just HAD TO work at exactly THIS McDonald's counter right when HE walked in and everything he wanted to avoid hit him ten times harder.

He was just glad he made it to the restroom in time before he had a panic attack in the middle of a crowded McDonald's in Sydney.

He leant his head back against the door and took a few deep breaths. He tried to ignore the smell that came out of the toilet bowl but he started gagging after the fifth breath anyway.

"Fucking bullshit," Michael cursed and hit the door with his flat hand. This day couldn't get any worse, now could it?

Just then, a loud bang was heard from the main room, followed by some voices screaming and more loud bangs, which sounded a lot like gunshots to Michael.

"What the fuck?!!," he mumbled and unlocked the door, only to see he was the only one in the small bathroom.

The door burst open, a tall blonde guy ran in and slammed the door before leaning against it.

"Shit shit shit shit," he mumbled under his breath, "FUCK!"

Michael was taken aback by this outburst but slowly stepped forward.

"Uhmm.. do you need help.. or ...?," Michael asked carefully.

The blondes head shot up and crystal blue eyes met his emerald green ones.

"Uh..uhm no.. No I got this," the guy said and stood up, wincing upon moving his arm.

He looked down and saw the sleeve of his sweater damp with a dark red liquid.

"Fuck," he breathed out and tugged his hoodie over his head - as far as it was possible with only one arm.

The man had a cut on the left upper arm and it was bleeding heavily. He pressed his hoodie on his wound and Michael prayed that the bleeding would stop soon because he was sure he could not handle a dead man today without losing his shit.

The noises outside the door had quieted down, but Michael didn't know what to do. The stranger had settled down on the dirty ground of the bathroom, his back leaning against the wall.

Michael walked towards the door in attempt to open it.

"WHAT THE FUCK MATE BACK OFF!," the blonde guy hissed.

Michael immediately shot back as if the door was on fire.

"Are you insane or something? Some weird ass people come into a restaurant and shot around and you just think 'oh wow I want to get a burger, I don't care if I die' ?! Seriously what's wrong with you?!"

Michael looked at the guy, his mouth hanging open.

"W-what? There are guys with GUNS outside of the door?," Michael breathed out.

"You're such a brain.. for all I know it looked a lot like gang shit, don't wanna get involved with them," the guy mumbled grumpy and readjusted his hoodie on his arm.

"Sorry smartass," Michael mocked and rolled his eyes, "so how are we gonna get out of here, oh so clever master brain?"

"The fuck do I know?," the guy huffed.

"WHAT THE FUCK I'M FUCKING STUCK IN A DAMN SMELLY MCDONALD'S RESTROOM WITH A FUCKING DICKHEAD??!! SERIOUSLY GOD I LEARNED MY LESSON NOW PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"I swear to God if you yell one more time I'm gonna rip off your fucking balls, got it?," the blonde male hissed and glared at Michael.

Michael sighed and leant his forehead against the wall.

Just then, sirens were heard from outside the restaurant and a police officers voice cut through the air.

"Listen, this is the police. You are now gonna come out of this restaurant, hands up, no weapons and surrender. Otherwise we will come in there and get you. Whatever it takes."

"Surrender, eh?," Michael heard a deep voice yell from the main room, " I don't think so! We have hostages in here, and we will not hesitate to kill them if one of you only steps too close to the front door!"

"How much money do you want?," the officer asked, his voice sounding weird due to the microphone he was using.

"This is not about money," the voice snickered, "This is about Marley, the owner of this place. I want him. You give us Marley, you'll get the victims. Alive."

After that, the restaurant fell silent.

"Fuck these stupid fucking gangs," Michael sighed and slid down on the wall next to the blonde man.

Michael looked over at him and studied his features. Now that Michael looked closer he had to admit that the guy was pretty handsome.

He was tall, blonde, had a lip ring, stubble around his chin and broad shoulders. In fact, he looked gorgeous.

"So.. what's your name stranger?," Michael asked.

"Apparently it's dickhead," the blonde man said and looked at his injured arm.

"No seriously," Michael said, "I'm sorry okay? Now what's your name.. I at least want to know something about the guy I am stuck with in here"

"HEY! CHECK THE RESTROOMS! I THINK I HEARD SOMETHING," the deep voice shouted.

The blonde man was on his feet in a matter of seconds while Michael was frozen in shock.

"MOVE!!," the man hissed and grabbed Michaels arm harshly before he shoved Michael in a tiny space between the door and the wall of the room.

Luke squeezed himself in there after Michael, his body pressed against Michaels. Michael could feel the abs of the tall man shifting with every move and smell his cologne which was now mixed with the strong iron smell of blood.

Michael squeaked as he heard the door to the women's bathroom next to them burst open and Luke was quick to press his hand on Michaels mouth.

Their faces were inches apar and Michael could see every little detail on the blondes face, from the darker spots in his bright blue eyes to the freckles on his nose.

The door flew open, blocking the sight on them. The guy stepped in and looked into every single stall. He stepped closer to the door and it seemed like he wanted to exit the room when he saw the blood on the floor.

He stepped closer and eyed the poodle with narrowed eyes.

Luke's breath catched in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I thought this was the men's restroom," the man huffed under his breath and turned around. He left the restroom and slammed the door.

Luke stayed frozen for a moment, eyes squeezed shut, body stiff, breath held before he slowly opened his eyes and took a deep breath. His hand fell from Michael's mouth and was now brushing Michaels.

They were inches apart, their noses were touching.

Michael stared into the strangers mesmerizing blue eyes and the stranger stared back at him.

Time stopped, the moment seemed to last forever.

"Luke," he suddenly breathed, "my name is Luke."

 

Luke peeled himself off of Michael and returned to his sitting position on the wall.

"What's your name, pretty boy?," Luke asked casually while carefully removing his hoodie from his arm.

Michael froze for a few moments before he decided he probably just misheard Luke before answering "Michael."

Luke hummed in response but let out a sharp hiss right after.

"Are you okay?," Michaels asked and came to kneel in front of Luke.

"It would be helpful if this fucking wound would stop bleeding! Dying in a nasty McDonald's restroom wasn't one of my big life goals," Luke said and looked up at Michael.

Michael remained silent for a moment, debating on whether to do it or not. He stood up eventually and took off the flannel he wore over his shirt and began ripping it into stripes.

Luke gasped.

"What are you doing?," Luke looked at Michael like he was out of his mind.

"Stop the bleeding..?," Michael mumbled concentrated while he knelt down again, "Can I?" He gestured towards Luke's injured arm.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?," Luke asked suspiciously.

"No but do you have a choice?," Michael asked back.

Luke turned his arm towards Michael and Michael got to work. He felt Luke's eyes on him the whole time.

"Why are you staring at my face?," Michael asked still really focused.

"I don't stare," Luke mumbled and looked away.

"Yes you did. Here you go though," Michael smiled and let go of Luke's arm.

"Thank you.. honestly I'm sorry about your flannel.. I'll buy you a new one.. thanks, you didn't have to do that," Luke said small.

"Oh yes I did .. you said dying in this bathroom isn't part of your plan so I prevented that from happening..," Michael said while moving to sit next to Luke again.

A loud bang tore through the smelly air of the room and a few scared screams.

"Hey Rick!," one of the dark voices wavered through the fast food restaurant, "we can't keep them in here.. they'll die like flies, we are hitting the 120°F mark!"

"I DON'T CARE IF THEY DIE, I WANT MARLEY," the guy, who apparently was the Rick and also the leader, shouted.

"Rick! Quit that bullshit! Boss said no unnecessary deaths!," the other voice said again.

"These aren't unnecessary, they'll get us what we want," Rick huffed.

"RICK FOR FUCKS SAKE THE POLICE ISN'T GOING TO GIVE US MARLEY AND IF WE DON'T RELEASE THE FUCKING PEOPLE THEY'LL FUCKING DIE IN HERE IT'S HOT, THEY ARE DEHYDRATED AND THIS IS NOT LEADING US ANYWHERE!," the second voice shouted.

"Fine! What are we gonna do then?," Rick asked.

"We have weapons and we'll pretend like we still have hostages left!"

"Fine," Rick grumbled, " MOVE!! EVERYONE! AND TELL THEM WE KEPT TWO OF YOU HERE OR WE WILL BLOW UP THIS FUCKING PLACE AND YOU TOO!"

"I'm not quite sure if we won't die anyway," Luke sighed.

"Bullshit! You sure have someone who will eventually miss you and tell the police you're missing, right?," Michael asked.

"I guess.. I was supposed to meet up with a girl in like an hour.. like a date, yaknow?," Luke said, "she's sweet and I'm sorry she'll probably think I am not interested anymore.."

Michael remained silent.

"Any plans on getting out of here?," Luke asked.

"We'll have to wait til someone notices us missing," Michael sighed.

Luke sighed and dipped his head back.

"Why does shit like this always happen to me?"

"That's what I am thinking all the time," Michael sighed.

The hours passed by. After Michael and Luke had talked for a while, Luke had fallen asleep, head resting on Michael's shoulder. Michael didn't mind though, a pretty handsome boy was using him as pillow - at least the last hours of his life wouldn't be completely wasted.

"Alright, this is Officer Bennett," Michael heard a voice cut through the air.

He had lost track of how many hours they had spent in the restroom and he didn't even know what time it was.

To his left, Luke stirred in his sleep before slowly opening his eyes. He blinked a few times, seeming really confused, before he looked up at Michael and his confused face turned into a small smile.

"Morning," Michael whispered softly and adored Luke's sleepy face and his tired blue eyes.

"Hi.. sorry I fell asleep on you," Luke mumbled back.

Michael almost died because of Luke's morning voice.

"No prob-," but he was cut off by the officer again.

"We know that you have no further hostages! We are going to come into this building in fifteen minutes if you haven't surrendered until then! And I say this one more time, we will do everything to get you out. Everything."

"Shit! What now?!," one of the deep voices from next door grumbled.

"Blow up this place," the other guy answered.

"And we'll die?," a third voice said.

"No dumbass we'll exit through the back!," the first one spoke up again, "now get the things and let's begin."

"Fuck," Luke breathed and looked up at Michael with terrified eyes, "we need to get out."

Michael got up and began pacing through the room, running his hand through his hair making it stick up in different directions.

"Stop pacing you make me nervous!," Luke hissed and struggled to get up too.

"And there's a fucking reason to be nervous! We have ten more minutes to get out or we'll be blown up!," Michael said, the panic evident in his voice.

"Michael," Luke said softly and placed a hand on Michael's arm, "Please you have to stay calm."

Michaels was about to snap at Luke when he saw the fear in Luke's eyes and decided Luke was right. Michaels had to stay calm or both of them are gonna lose it.

"Listen.. we have to get out of this room," Luke said, "here are no windows or other opportunities to get out. Only this door."

"But.. they'll kill us," Michael whispered.

"We have no choice. Either they kill us on our way out or we will die in an huge explosion. Might as well try."

Michael nodded hesitantly.

Luke took a deep breath before clutching onto Michaels sweaty palms.

They took a few steps forward towards the door and Luke slowly inch opened it. They saw a few shadows and occasionally a man in Black connecting wires and preparing the explosion.

Luke gestured towards a door to their left. Michael nodded and Luke whisper counted from three. The two made it into the room without getting caught.

"What's this?," Michael mumbled and looked around.

"Looks like the employees room to me," Luke mumbled.

Luke walked over to a window and tried to open it.

"It's locked," he breathed out and leant his head against the cool glass, "Fuck what are we gonna do now?"

"Uh Luke..?," Michael asked.

"Michael before I die I want to tell you that you're an awesome guy and you are very handsome and beautiful and intelligent and attractive and the last hours of my life were definitely no waste because I spend them with you -," "LUKE!"

Luke turned around and saw Michael standing in front of a door that was an inch wide open. Chilly night air wavered in through the crack. Luke's eyes widened and he walked over to Michael.

"We're free.. YOU DID IT!," Luke whispered and looked up at Michael.

"Let's go. On three," Michael whispered and counted to three.

Luke pushed the door open and sprinted out of the room, Michael following close behind. They turned the corner to get to the front when police man began shouting at them and dogs barked.

"WAIT NO NO NO WE ARE THE GOOD GUYS! THE KEPT US HOSTAGE IN THERE!," Luke shouted and put his hands up.

But when four police officers came running towards them with their handcuffs raised, Luke's eyes widened and he lost it.

"RUN!," he screamed at Michael and Michael began to run like never before. He turned what felt like a million corners before he had to stop to take a breath.

"What. The. Fuck. Did just happen?," Michael panted and supported himself with one hand on the brick wall next to him.

He looked back only to see the lanky blonde stumbling into the alley and struggling to keep running while blue lights flashed around the corner and sirens cut through the night.

As soon as Luke caught up to him, he began to run again. The two men raced through half Sydney, at least that's what Michaels legs and lungs felt like, before they slowed down until both man were jogging next to each other.

Suddenly, Luke grabbed Michael by the collar of his shirt and dragged him into an empty narrow alley.

He slammed the green eyed boy into the the hard brick wall of a factory building before he pressed his lips on Michaels and began to kiss him roughly.

Michael kissed back immediately and it turned into a heated make out session.

"Fuck," Luke breathed as they parted, "we are alive Goddamnit! We fucking made it out alive!"

"Yeah," Michael breathed back and leant his forehead against Luke's, "but I have to admit I enjoyed being stuck with you.."

They heard an explosion somewhere in the distance and the barking of dogs fading into the night.

"Sooo since we're free now, mind having some food with me? I'm starving," Luke asked and winked at Michael.

"Sure.. but no McDonald's.. never ever in my life again," he smiled small, "How about your arm though?"

"I will be fine. First food, then arm."

They went to a pizza restaurant and ordered their pizza as a takeaway. They walked down to the river and watched the city nightlife from afar.

"It's beautiful," Michael said.

"It is..," Luke whispered back.

"So.. Luke.. what now?," Michael asked.

Luke shrugged.

"Ya know, getting up tomorrow, going to work, then returning home, feeding the dog, just the usual I guess," Luke said.

Michael nodded although that's not how his question was meant. He was talking about Luke and him.

"Here," Luke held out a piece of napkin on which he had scribbled his phone number. He smiled at Michael one last time before turning around, "text me."

And Michael did. The next day went by quickly and Michael felt like he was in some sort of hurricane. Everything was swirling around him and his life seemed to be moving so fast that everything became blurry. He wanted his life to slow down or he would have to throw up.

The only thought he could really grasp was Luke. And Luke was everywhere. Wherever Michael was going, the thought of Luke always occupied a part of his brain. Which earned him some stress at work because he just couldn't focus on anything today.

He didn't like the idea of it but he might just have a crush on the blonde lanky boy he met in the McDonald's restroom.

Michael texted Luke but had to wait three full hours for Luke to reply. Those were the longest three hours of his life. Finally, Luke texted back and a conversation began to develop again. They wanted to meet up for lunch the next day and to say Michael was excited was an understatement. He felt like a teenage girl having her first crush but it didn't bother him too much. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that a hella handsome boy was actually talking to him and had kissed him.

Month went by and Michael fell more and more in love with Luke. Luke was constantly flirting with Michael and they had kissed twice since the incident in the alley.

But Michael had a sinking feeling that Luke was keeping something from him. He knew he had no right to know everything about Luke's life, after all they weren't dating, but he still felt like something was wrong. And he didn't like it one bit.

"Hey pretty boy," Luke said and covered Michaels eyes from where he had snug up behind Michael.

"Hi Breadstick," Michael laughed.

"Hey," Luke pouted and narrowed his eyes at the bleach blonde.

"Naw c'mon," Michael chuckled and nudged his shoulder.

Luke smiled at him and they made their way over to Subway, where they got their food and sat down.

"So what are you doing tomorrow night?," Luke asked while chewing on his sandwich.

"Uh.. nothing I guess.. why are you asking?," Michael asked blushing.

"Mind if I take you out?," Luke asked smiling.

"Like on a proper date?," Michael asked with raised eyebrows.

"Uh.. y-yes..?," Luke stuttered and blushed.

"Sure! That'd be great," Michael smiled big.

"Cool," Luke sounded relieved, "I'm gonna pick you up at seven then."

Michael found himself standing in front of his closet the next evening, stressing about what to wear. He had about half an hour left before Luke would pick him up.

"Fuck fuck fuck," Michael mumbled and ran his hand through his shower damp hair. He had half of his clothes laying everywhere on his bedroom floor and he still hadn't found anything good to wear.

With a sigh of defeat he sat down on his bed and looked at his messy room.

Thoughts of the last few month with Luke floated through his head. He couldn't deny that he loved Luke and that he was dying to be more than just friends.

Falling back on his bed, he thought that maybe Luke didn't even feel the same way. Maybe Michael was just a really good friend of his, hell Michael didn't even know for a fact if Luke actually liked guys...

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone going off. Looking at the screen he saw a text from Luke that said he would be there in ten minutes.

"FUCK," Michael cursed and jumped up from his bed. He threw on the first clothes he could grab, tried to style his hair but failed, stabbed his toe twice, nearly choked on his toothbrush, broke his phone charger, nearly fell down the stairs to his apartment and was finally standing outside ten minutes later, more dead than alive. He tried to catch his breath just as Luke's car pulled up in front of his apartment.

Michael got in and was greeted by a huge smile from Luke.

The night went on and the two of them decided to go to a bar after they finished dinner.

However, they both probably had too much to drink. Somehow, Michael found himself back at his apartment pinned down on his bed by Luke. Clothes were discarded quickly and the air in the room was steaming hot.

Later that night, Michael and Luke were laying next to each other, panting heavily and trying to catch their breaths.

"That was.. wow," Michael breathed out.

"Yeah..," Luke whispered.

"Soo.. what are we?," Michael asked softly and looked at Luke. His face was barely visible, the only light in the room was the pale moonlight shining through the window.

"I have to go Mike," Luke breathed out. He got up and started to put on his clothes.

"No! No Luke please stay!," Michael begged and sat up, wrapping his blanket tighter around his body.

"I can't Mikey. I ... My dog... Petunia my dog she.. uhh.. she's sick! Yes petunia is sick! You know nasty sickness she poops everywhere so... I need to.. you know go and check on her..," Luke rambled while he threw on his shirt.

"Sure... your dog..," Michael mumbled, disappointment evident in his tired voice.

Luke's movements slowed down and he turned to Michael.

"I'm sorry Mikey. I truly am. I'd rather stay here and cuddle, trust me," Luke sighed.

He came towards Michael and kissed his forehead "Bye babe", Luke whispered and grabbed his phone and jacket. A moment later, Michael heard the door to his apartment close.

"Bye Luke," Michael whispered into the darkness before he curled up in the messy sheets and tried to fall asleep.

Being the good guy Michael was, he decided to look after Luke and his dog the following day. It was a Saturday and he picked up some Chinese food and headed to Luke's apartment at around noon.

Just as he was about to ring the doorbell of the apartment complex, someone exited the house and Michael slipped in.

Climbing up the stairs to the fourth floor, he heard faint voices from above him. He soon realised the voices were coming from Luke's apartment and since his door was a few inches wide open everyone could hear him talking to... a women?

Michael softly knocked before pushing open the door. He saw Luke standing in the room, opposite of him a women and a very healthy dog waddling happily towards Michael.

"Michael? What are you doing here?," Luke asked panicked.

"Who are you?," Michael asked confused and looked at the women. She was really pretty but Michael was confused as to why she was with Luke and why Luke's dog was all healthy and happy.

"I'm Luke's girlfriend, I live here! The real question is who are YOU and want are you doing in our apartment?!", the women snapped at Michael.

Michael stared at the women, trying to process the things he just heard. Luke's girlfriend? His Girlfriend? Girlfriend as in the girl he loves?!

"Michael she is not my girlfriend, let me explain," Luke said desperately and that snapped Michael out of his daze.

He narrowed his eyes at Luke and shook his head.

"Fucking asshole," he spat and turned around. He ran down the stairs as fast as he could, hearing Luke's faint "Michael please!" and his girlfriends "LUKE WHAT IS ALL OF THIS ABOUT?!" before he exited the house and was back on the busy streets of Sydney. Tears began to fall from his eyes and he hated himself for being stupid and getting attached to someone again when he knew how it would end.

Michaels life went downhill. He barely lived, he just existed. He went out only to buy the things that were really necessary and to go to work. It's been four weeks and Michael wasn't disappointed or sad anymore, he was angry. Angry that Luke had such a huge impact on him and his life. He just wanted to move on and start over and never fall in love again.

So he decided it's time to let go. He told himself to start right away by heading out and getting something to eat instead of living off of cereals in front of the TV. He showered and tried to fix his hair as best as he could before making a mental note to go get a haircut later today.

Stepping outside, Michael felt like he was finally in control of his life again. Little did he know how karma laughed it's ass off behind Michael's back.

Michael entered the restaurant and went to a seat before ordering his food. While he waited he eyed the restaurant. It was small but really cute and had a good vibe. That was until he caught sight of a blonde, blue eyed waiter who was staring at him from afar.

Michael had the sudden urge to vomit and he jumped up and ran in the direction of the restrooms.

He was relieved when he found that no one else was in the restrooms and he locked himself in one of the cabins. Leaning his forehead against the cool plastic of the bathroom stall door, he let out a shaky breath.

Wow. So much to letting go and getting control back.

He heard someone enter the bathroom and groaned.

He didn't think any of it until he heard the lock of the bathroom click.

Michael froze and opened the stall carefully and as quiet as possible only to see Luke standing at the door.

Michael groaned and slammed the door shut again.

"What the fuck do you want?," Michael shouted.

"I want to explain," Luke said softly.

"There's NOTHING to explain, Luke! You fucked with me behind your girlfriends back and I got attached to you but it's okay now, I'm done! I'm over it and I never want to see you again so go fuck yourself," Michael seethed.

"No Michael, I want to talk, please," Luke begged.

"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!," Michael yelled and pushed the bathroom stall open with so much force that the door hit the wall, "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

Michael pushed past Luke and wanted to open the door to the restrooms but it was locked.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!," Michael yelled and turned to Luke who showed him a key.

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OR I WILL CALL THE COPS!", Michael screamed and pushed Luke to get the key.

"Michael please!," Luke tried again, "listen to me. Give me two minutes and then I'll open the door! Just please .... hear me out..," Luke begged.

"Fine. One minute," Michael huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay," Luke sighed, "that day you came over to me. Yes. The girl had been my girlfriend. HAD BEEN. By the time you arrived I was already four weeks broken up with her. I broke up with her because of you. Yes I've been an asshole for kissing you in the alley when I was with her, but I ended it before I things got more serious with you. Which I wanted them to become. Because I love you Michael. Everything about you is so perfect.. And you don't even see that! I love you so much and losing you was awful! I haven't been the same since the day in my apartment.. My ex was there that day because she moved out and she took the dog with her, I moped around and lost my job now I'm working here. I miss you, Michael.. Without you I'm like nothing.."

It was only now that Michael noticed Luke's outward appearance. The dark lines carved deep in the skin under his eyes, the messy hair that could use a haircut again and fell over his eyes which looked bloodshot and sunken in his pale face. The color of his eyes wasn't longer one of the ocean, it was grey like a thunderstorm was messing with the calm ocean waves and blowing out every light in them.

Luke's eyes stared at Michaels face and his expression got sadder every second that passed.

"I'm sorry I locked you in here... Sorry to bother you.. I'm.. I'm just sorry," Luke whispered broken and turned to unlock the door.

"Luke," Michael said quietly, "wait... What you did was an ass move. You kinda cheated on your girlfriend and kinda lied to me."

Luke's shoulders slumped and he sighed, "I know.. I know and I'm sorry..-"

"but I will give you a second chance," Michael said softly.

Luke froze.

"You what?," he gasped and turned around.

Michael nodded and Luke's eyes widened. Suddenly the thunderstorm was over and the lights came flashing back on while the waves calmed down.

"Don't mess up though."

"I promise I will show you how much I love you.. I ... thank you Mikey!," Luke stutterd.

They were interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

"Hello? I need to pee..?," a customer said desperately.

"Sorry I'll open up!," Luke shouted and turned to open up the door.

"So I guess that's our thing now," Michael sighed, "being stuck in bathrooms.."

Chapter 8: TAKE MY HAND - Cashton

Summary:

Calum and Ashton have been dating in secret for a while and are now ready to let their fellow bandmates know. It's just some fluffy domestic Cashton for the soul.

Originally posted: November 2022 on Wattpad

"In one photo posted, Hemmings can be seen putting the large diamond ring on her finger as the two smile and look into each other's eyes. In another, the couple shares a kiss in front of a mountainous backdrop."

"That's really fucking cheesey," Calum muttered, his attention more focused on the phone in his hands than on the article Ashton was reading aloud to him.

"It's sweet, man," Ashton was giddy as a school girl.
Calum looked over at the older boy and the corners of his mouth twitched. He sighed small and let his phone fall onto the couch next to him before he stretched out on Ashton's couch more and studied the other boy silently. Ashton was still scanning the article about the engagement of their bandmate with his eyes.

"How long do you reckon we've got left?," Calum asked quietly.

"Left until what?," Ashton looked up from his phone and over at him.

"Until everyone starts asking when we will finally propose to our significant others," Calum muttered.

"They already do mate," Ashton put his phone away too, "Remember the interview last week when they asked us for our future proposal plans?"

"Yeah, but I mean, how long until they really start prying and forcing it on us," Calum rolled his eyes upon the prospect.

"I think we've got a couple more years," Ashton mumbled. "Luke's wedding is first now. They'll have enough to disect. It'll be the event of the decade," Ashton mused.

"I think he'll do it like Mike," Calum said thoughtfully, "in privat and then come forward to the public later."

"Probably," Ashton shrugged, "I'd do the same."

"Would you?," Calum grinned.

"Yup," Ashton scratched his head under his vibrant orange beanie, "I mean we could also cut the chase for our 'engagements' and just announce ours." Ashton quirked an eyebrow up.

"God please, Ash," Calum groaned, "If you propose to me now, I'm gonna throat punch you."

"Ouch?," Ashton frowned.

"Come on, Ash. We've had this talk before," Calum frowned.

"Yeah I know," Ashton muttered, "but I'm 28 and I want to get married."

"And I'm 26 and I don't. Not yet. Look at everything that's changed over the past couple of years, imagine what will change in the future! We could -"

"- get married without compromises, I know. You've said that before. And I guess you're right. But a lot has already changed, dude. We could get properly married now."

"Ash," Calum tried to surpress a smile now, "we both agreed to not make irrational decisions."

"What, so marrying me seems irrational to you?," Ashton asked with a smile in his voice but also a little offended.

"After dating for eight month? A little, yeah," Calum threw a ball of scrunched up candy bar wrapper at him.

"It seems longer that eight months, man," Ashton mumbled thoughtfully.

"I does," Calum agreed, "but that still doesn't mean we have to get married now. There's no need to rush, you said that yourself!"

"I know, babe. I'm just messing with you. Though it would be a fucking power move to call you my husband infront of everyone."

"It'll still be a power move in a couple of years," Calum argued.

"Hell yes it will," Ashton grinned, "looking forward to that."
Calum fondly rolled his eyes.

"But also very willing to wait for it," Ashton concluded softly, "And as much as I hate to say this: we have to think about the band first now, and try to generate the least backlash."

Calum looked at Ashton for a moment before scooting over to be next to him.
"Hey," he said quietly and waited until Ashton looked him in the eyes, "I love you."

"I know. And honestly, that's enough for me. It's all I need. Screw everyone and their engagements. I love you, Calum," Ashton replied and his face and body relaxed a bit.
Calum leant his head against Ashton's shoulder and Ashton rested his head on Calums.

"Cal," Ashton said quietly.

"Ash," Calum said.

"We're going on Tour in three weeks."

"I know," Calum said and Ashton felt him smile against his arm, "isn't it crazy it's been three years?"

"We need to come clean to Luke and Mike," Ashton said.

"Fuck," Calum muttered, "I forgot about that for a second."

"I'll ask them to come over for dinner next week, okay?"
Calum remained silent.

"Cal?," Ashton urged.

"Can't you tell I'm pretending to be asleep?," Calum muttered.

"For fucks sake Calum," Ashton sighed and lifted his head off Calums.

"No, okay," Calum quickly said and looked up at Ashton, "Okay, you're right. Ask them."

Ashton searched Calums face for any sign of hesitation.

"Why are you scared?," he asked softly.

"'M not scared," he muttered but couldn't hold Ashton's gaze.

"Babe," Ashton said softly and nuged Calums shoulder.

"This changes everything," Calum mumbled.

"No, it has already changed. The only thing that will change is that we're finally being honest with them," he argued.

"Same thing," Calum mumbled.

"Cal, it's just us. It's just Luke and Mike. They love us. They're our brothers."

"I know," Calum muttered, "I just got too comfortable keeping it just between me and you. Telling the others feels like giving away a big part of me, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that. But telling them also sounds super exciting to me. I want to shout it from the rooftops of LA. I am fucking in love with Calum Thomas Hood, best fucking bassist in the world and cutest human on the planet."

"And I'm in love with the biggest goofball this world has ever seen," Calum chuckled but his face bore a real smile and that was all Ashton needed.
"But yeah. To be fair it does sound nice to be able to share this with the guys."

Calum reached up to pull Ashton closer by the shoulders before wrapping his arms around him so that Ashton's head was pressed to Calums chest and he was halfway in Calums lap.
Calum bent down to place a kiss on Ashton's Beanie before resting his cheek on the exact same spot on the top of Ashton's head.
"Thanks for putting up with me," Calum mumbled.

 

***

 

"Hey Ash, so I've been thinking," Calum stirred his coffee, "about the future and stuff.."

They were sitting on Ashton's back porch in the morning sun, both men nursing coffee. Ashton was in sweats and a shirt and wearing his glasses while Calum was in his Pyjama pants and one of Ashton's hoodies.

"Okay..," Ashton had Duke in his lap and was scratching the puppy behind his ears, "and?"

"Okay, so, I was wondering if you'd be willing to maybe move in together?"
Ashton let out a short laugh.

"Baby, oh my god. Yes, of course! We're already basically living together. You're here all the time anyway, it doesn't make a lot of sense for us to have two seperate houses. If you'd want to, you could move in here and we can make this our home. Or we can move to your place or see if we find another house if that's what you'd rather want."

"No," Calum smiled, "I love your house. It's amazing and bright and holds so many memories."

Ashton smiled at the memories of all the hours and days and weeks he had spend with Calum in this house during quarantine and after.

"Okay," Ashton smiled and giggled, "Man, you make me happy, you know that, right?"

Calums cheeks turned pink but he laughed it off. "Bro sometimes I can be your worst nightmare, you said that yourself."

"That's what you do when you love somebody," Ashton promptly started singing.

"Oh that's a good one," Calum put a hand over his heart, "I'm so ready for the world to have the album."

"Me too. Anyway as you were saying," Ashton laughed, "You will move in when?"

"Realistically after the tour," Calum said, "I have a three month deadline to cancel my rent contract and we'll be gone for a while. So toward the end of the year. October or November I think. Between Europe and Australia."

"You've thought this through," Ashton smirked.

"I guessed you'd say yes," Calum shrugged, "Otherwise I'd have had other problems. If you'd had said no, I'd have seriously reconcidered the nature of our relationship."

"I love you, never doubt that," Ashton said sincerely.

"I don't think you'd ever give me a reason to," Calum smiled small.

Duke rolled over in Ashton's lab.
"Dukey poo, that means I get to see you all day every day," Ashton cooed at the small dog and picked him up to kiss his head, "I'll be your second dad!"

"Technically," Calum muttered, "You'll only be his dad when we are married."

"We'll, it's not my fault we aren't," Ashton shrugged.

Calum rolled his eyes fondly and his heart swelled with love when Duke licked Ashton's nose affectionately.

"Sometimes I'm jealous Duke seems to love you more than me," Calum muttered while getting up.

"He knows who's the best," Ashton grinned and sat the puppy down on his lap again.

"If you say so," Calum smiled, grabbed his and Ashton's empty cup and stopped infront of Ashton's chair for a moment.

"You wouldn't say so?," Ashton quirked and eyebrow at Calum.

"Shut up," Calum grinned and bent down to place a kiss on Ashton's lips.

"I'll drop these in the sink and then change to go for a run with Duke," he said, once he and Ashton parted. Ashton's phone buzzed and he reached for it, while Calum proceeded to scratch the head of his puppy. Calums phone buzzed a second later.

"Mike and Luke confirmed dinner tomorrow night at my place," Ashton smiled up at Calum.

"Well then I better start shitting myself so I'll be done by tomorrow and don't freak out," Calum turned to walk toward the kitchen.

"I love you," Ashton shouted after him.

"Love you too," Calum yelled back over his shoulder.

 

***

 

Ashton grabbed Calums hands when he was reaching for the stack of plates sitting on the counter. He held them tightly between his own hands and looked Calum in the eye, who looked right back.

"It's okay to be scared," Ashton said, "but I'm in this with you, so just remember I'm here beside you. Okay?"

"I know," Calum nodded small, "I will."

Ashton tugged him closer and wrapped his arms around him. They stayed in the embrace for a long moment before Calum drew away enough to place a kiss on Ashtons lips.

The doorbell went off, disturbing their moment.

"Ready?," Ashton breathed against Calums lips.

"As ready as I'll ever get," Calum mumbled.

The dinner went as usual. They talked, cracked jokes, Michael tipped over his glass, Luke cried from laughing too hard, they gorged on carbs and made plans for what to do in their talking breaks on their upcoming tour.

After they finished all the food, Michael excused himself to the bathroom. When he came back, he flopped down on his chair and looked directly at Calum.

"Man, are you here all the time or does Ashton use all the same bathroom stuff as you and also two toothbrushes?," he mused.

"I hang around here a lot so I have the basics here," Calum shrugged.

"Are you ever at your house, thought?," Luke inquired, "Everytime I hit you up you're here."

"Of course I'm there, I do need to water my plant from time to time," Calum joked.

"The only one you own," Ashton snickered.

"You should be happy she's still alive," Calum pointed a finger at Ashton, "I could've let Herberta die after you decided to gift her to me when I moved in."

"Herberta," Michael laughed, "I forgot we named her that." Luke laughed as well but was distracted by Duke getting up off his cot and strolling over to him.

"Hey Dukey," Luke cooed, "You also have your own cot here already."
Luke bent down to pet the dog and was gone from the conversation.

"You have everything here," Michael said, "Why do you keep your own house?"

"I'm not," Calum said casually.

Michael looked at him, dumbstruck for a second.

"You're not?," he blinked.

"No," Calum fiddled with the tab on his beer can, "I'm going to sell it toward the end of the year."

"Where are you moving then?," Michael asked, still not catching on.

"I'm moving in with Ash. Here."

Michael's eyes widened. "Oh?"

Luke resurfaced from being bent under the table.

"Temporarily or...?," Luke asked slowly.

"What he meant to say," Ashton cut in, "is that he is finally moving in with me after being unofficially moved in with me for a while now. Because him and I have been seeing each other for a while now."

Luke started laughing but soon realized he was the only one, and that this wasn't a joke.

There was a beat of silence in wich the four boys on either sides of the table stared at each other.

"What?," Michael said flatly. His eyes glided over to Calum, as if to check Ashton hasn't completely lost his mind.

"Yep," Calum confirmed, "We've been dating since last summer."

"Holy shit," Luke swore, "this is unexpected."

"Is it, though?," Michael muttered, "I obviously have a lot of questions but I want you to know that I love you guys. This changes nothing about that, okay?"

"Yeah me too, man," Luke cut in, "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Calum said and let out a long breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Can we ask questions?," Michael asked.

"Yeah," Ashton nodded, "Ask away." He leant back in his chair and threw a smile at Calum who was scooping up Duke in his lap and smiling back at Ashton.

"How? Since when? What the fuck how did you keep it from us?," Michael stammered.

"I mean.. COVID? Quarantining together definetly kicked it off but I think it was inevitable for me," Calum mumbled, looking away, "I sorta always knew I liked him in the back of my head. I just never dared to finish that though."

"For me, I don't know," Ashton shrugged, "literally I don't know. Somewhere between spending the lockdown together and realizing that... maybe best friends don't share their bed anymore in their mid-twenties when there's another bed available? Having him here during covid really opened my eyes. I was always a bit more tuned in with Cal than with the both of you and now I know why." Ashton shrugged, "and then also me writing superbloom and trying to disect everything that I was feeling, i think that was so carthartic to me that it really hit me."

"I can't believe we didn't... wait so you were together when we were in Joshua Tree?," Luke asked.

"Yeah, but it was still very new and..," Calum trailed off.

"We needed to figure a lot of stuff out for our selves at that time," Ashton ended, "we didn't want to move too fast and shit."

"I am super surprised that I'm not surprised?," Michael said slowly, "I picked up the dynamic change between you after the lockdown but never.. really though about what it could mean. But this makes so so much sense."

"Yeah I didn't see this coming," Luke muttered, "how long have you been together?"

"Eight month now," Calum said.

"So, like, what are your plans for the future? If you have any, obviously it's fine if you don't," Michael asked curiously.

"Well I'm officially gonna move in with Ash at the end of the year after the Take My Hand Tour," Calum answered, "and then we'll just see from there." He shrugged.

"Do you want to.. come out to the public?," Luke asked.

"No, not yet. Not on this tour. Family first, then the rest of the world," Ashton answered.

"Oh, so are we the first ones you're telling?," Luke gaped.

"No," Ashton and Calum said in unison.

"What?," Michael acted offended and clutched his chest, "I am so disappointed!"

"Yo, my sister knew before I did," Calum tried defending himself, "one day she just asked me how things with Ash are going and i was like: how the fuck do you know about that? She said she always knew I liked Ash. And she wanted to tease me by asking, but my reaction kinda outed me."

Michael was wheezing. "God I love Mali," he laughed.

"And in my defense I was fucking drunk," Ashton shrugged, "Drunk enough to think telling my baby sister I am screwing my bandmate is a good idea."

"Wait, you told Lauren?," Luke gaped.

"Yeah, we got drunk last Christmas on boxing day. And she's a grown ass woman now, even if i don't want it to be true. And we were talking about relationships and stuff, it was honest hour I guess."

"But did she take it well?," Michael asked.

"Oh yeah," Ashton waved him off, "She was the sweetest. She encouraged me to tell mum but I haven't.. yet."

"Yeah we want to have a little privacy for a tad bit longer," Calum spoke again when the chatter died down, "we're not going to be hiding forever, obviously, but..."

"The band's first now," Ashton concluded.

"Nooooooo, no, no, no, no," Michael immediately put his hand up, "No. If you want to tell the world you're in love then you should get to do it. Screw everyone. If you're ready, I'll be standing by you. Your happiness matters most."

"Awww dude," Calum smiled and covered his face, "thanks man."

"Thanks Mike. But not telling the world is what we want right now. We decided to let it rest for a while. It's not primarily about the band, it's primarily about us having time to really process everything and be ready to chose the right moment to reveal that part of us. And I am sure it will be sooner rather than later, because nothing is more annoying than rumors after a surfaced paparazzi photo, but not just yet. Not on this tour."

"Okay," Luke said, "Well, when you're ready we'll be standing right beside you."

"Thanks man," Ashton smiled.

"Nothing to thank us for," Michael mumbled.

"I can't believe you've been together for eight month without us noticing it what the fuck," Luke twirled his can of beer around in his hand.

"You just can't get over it, can you?," Michael snickered.

"Well, we didn't really want you to notice," Ashton said, "we needed to figure this out all by ourselves."

"Fair enough," Michael nodded and was quiet for a moment.

"So... are you guys, like, bisexual?," Luke asked carefully.

"It's fine if they don't want to label themselves," Michael buttet in, looking at Luke.

"Yeah! I know, I'm just.. curious," he said small.

"I'm bi, for sure," Calum nodded.

"Yeah, I don't think I want to label myself. I love who I love, it's as simple- or complicated - as that," Ashton shrugged.

"Love that, mate," Michael pointed at Ashton. Ashton grinned back.

"Also how unfair that you'll always have your significant other on tour with you from now on," Michael

"Also unfair that we'll be third wheeling for the rest of our lifes," Luke butted in.

"Guys, nothing much is going to change. We're all always hugging and even cuddling a lot anyway. The only thing that's gonna change is that Calum and me are probably gonna be kissing sometimes. And maybe some holding hands or something."

"I fucking hope so," Calum muttered.

"We can figure everything out while we're on the road," Michael said, "it'll be fine. It won't be weird unless we make it weird. You two together are a worse overthink-tank than Luke when he's drunk."

"Hey!," Luke pouted, "low hit."

 

***

 

"How we feeling, Sydney?," Luke screamed into the microphone.
The crowd screamed back.

"It's always good to be back home," Luke said, "it's been twelve years since our first show here and we're stocked to be back now in 2023 on our 5SOS5 Tour to play you a couple songs of our new record! Which is the best one yet, in my opinion. Has anyone picked up a copy of 5SOS5?"
The crowd screamed again.

"Nice!"

"I didn't," Michael said.

"You didn't?," Luke laughed and turned to Michael.

"No, I hate that band, man," he said.
Luke laughed.

"Anyway, this is a song for the people who have been a fan of the band for a long time now," Michael spoke.

"And for our parents and families," Luke added, "who are in the audience tonight somewhere. Thanks for letting us practice in the garage back in the day!"

"And in Ashton's parent's living room. And my bedroom," Michael added. The crowd cheered.

"Sing a long if you know it!," Luke yelled, "And give it up for my brother Calum, everyone! This is Amnesia!"
Michael started pulling the strings on the accoustic guitar while Calum stepped up to the microphone.

Ashton was lounging at the bottom of the stage his drum kit was on, since their new live arrangement of Amnesia was completely accoustic without drums and even without bass. Just Luke and Calums voices and an accoustic guitar. When Calum had finished the first and second verse, he joined Ashton at the bottom of his drum kit.

"I really want to kiss you," Ashton mumbled, leaning over so Calum could hear him over Luke's voice and the crowd chanting.

"Then do it," Calum mumbled back.

"Now?," Ashton's eyes were blown wide.

"Whenever you want," Calum smiled.
Ashton held Calums gaze for a moment before a smile came on his lips and he nodded.

"Okay," he whispered, just when Luke ended the last notes of amnesia.

Ashton got up to climb back behind his drum kit and Calum went to the front of the stage with his bass.

The show continued as usual. They were in the second half when it was time to play 'Better Man'.
While Luke sag the last line, Calum moved to the center of the stage to have his moment. They ended Better Man with a bass solo, better than any bass solo Ashton's ever heard before.
Luke, who had stepped to the side of the stage quirked an eyebrow at Ashton. When Ashton reached him, he leant over to speak in Luke's ear.

"We're gonna do it tonight. Calum gave the go," Ashton said. Luke smiled and squeezed his shoulder before signaling to Michael on the other side.

Luke pointed at Ashton, then nodded to Calum and then put his two pointer fingers together. However the fuck Michael could understand that was beyond Ashton, but Michael gave a thumbs up and a smile.
Ashton grabbed the microphone from Luke, who was happy to hand it over.
Ashton kept out of the spotlight until the solo was almost over. He then stepped up next to Calum and smiled at him. Calum glanced over, but kept his eyes mostly on the bass.

"You know this song has a very special meaning to me," Ashton spoke into the microphone, and the crowd cheered. "It reminds me of the person I love every time I hear it. And I hear it a lot, since it's my favorite person's favorite song," he laughed.
He saw Calum crack a smile from the corner of his eye, but Calum kept on playing. He apparently had caught on since he kept looping the last part of the solo for Ashton to keep talking.

"Everyone, sing this with me," he yelled and then started "With your love, your love, I'm a better better man."

Calum was matching his singing and so the whole stadium bellowed the lyrics back while Calum played on.
Ashton turned to Calum and joined in.

"With your love, your love, I'm a better better man," he sang softly, "KEEP IT GOING!"

He stepped closer to Calum who stopped pulling the strings on his bass now, looking up at the man in front of him. The crowd continued to sing, now hyped up by Luke, who was using Michaels microphone.

"I'm a better better man," Ashton softly joined the crowd before he grabbed Calums face in both hands and kissed him.

Calum immediately brought his hand up to Ashton's cheek and it took only a quarter of a second before the crowd stopped singing and started screaming.

Luke would later say in Interviews that he was sure his eardrum would break that day. He swore to never have heard screams like that before. Michael would continuously tell him to suck it up because it had been appropriate for the situation.

The kiss wasn't long, just two short pecks but it was enough. The crowd on the arena was wild. Ashton kept his arm around Calum while they both turned to face the crowd.

"It's been fun keeping this a secret for a while but it was time to let you know," Calum spoke into the microphone.

"I fucking love Calum Hood!" Ashton screamed, then whooped.
"Man I've been waiting for years to do that!," he grinned and the crowd went wild again.

Calum laughed and pushed his head to the side.

"You're an idiot," he laughed into the microphone, before turning toward the crowd "But I do love him for some reason. Most of the time, anyway."

Luke and Michael approached from either sides and Calum pressed another kiss to Ashton's cheek before letting him go.

"Give it up for love!," Michael screamed into his microphone, throwing an arm around Calum while Luke threw an arm around Ashton. The crowd went wild.

"Give it up for Cashton as well!," Luke yelled and the stadium exploded.

"Now give it up for Muke!," Michael screamed and leant in as if to kiss Luke. "No I'm kidding," he laughed and pulled away. Luke snickered and pushed Michael away.

"So this next song is Cashtons song, everybody!," Luke yelled, back in host mode, "They wrote it back in Joshua Tree while Mike and I had no clue what was going on between them. It ended up being one of my favorite songs of our new album, especially after understanding the deeper sentiment behind the words better. Sing along if you know it!"

Ashton had climbed back behind the drum kit and was hitting a high head.

"A painted heart on a sidewalk," Luke started, "a bleeding sun on a silver screen.."

Somewhere during the chorus someone had thrown a pride flag on stage and Michael had picked it up, walking over to Calum and draping it around him.

At the end of the song, when the music slowed down and slowly faded out, Calum walked up to the drum kit and climbed on the little stage it was sitting on, pride flag still wrapped around him. Beaming at each other, Calum and Ashton finished playing the song.
The video of them ended up going viral on every platform.

Even fucking Tumblr.

Luke would later go on to tell everyone in an interview that he was mad that this video was the most watched and viral video of the band, out of all videos. Michael would tell Luke to shut the fuck up because it is, in fact, the best video of the band ever.

Chapter 9: EASIER - Any Ship

Summary:

This is a songfic for Easier. Written in POV, so it could be read as any of the ships :)

Originally posted: August 2019 on Wattpad

Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?
I don't wanna know, oh
But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change
And you know you don't want it any other way

 

He took a long drag of his cigarette and angrily stared at the plants growing between the stones beneath his feet.

He was so fucking pissed.

The cold night air was chilly and his foggy breath mixed with the cigarette smoke. From where he cowered on the two front steps of the house he could still hear the loud bass of whatever shitty song was playing right now even though his ears felt weirdly deaf from the sudden "silence" outside of the crowded house. A few meters away, a couple was holding hands and smoking weed, from around the corner he could hear the disgusting splashing sound of someone throwing up on the pavement.

He took another drag and let the smoke out through his nostrils.
The burning rage slowly died down to a low flame of anger in his chest.
Behind him, the door swung open. The music grew loud and then died down again as the door fell shut.

Why do we always gotta run away?
And we wind up in the same place
It's like we're looking for the same thing
Same thing, yeah

"Hey babe."

"I'm not your babe," he muttered.

"Not? Since when?," he joked.

"Since you stopped treating me like a valid human being, dickhead."

"Chill, babe."

"No," he turned and blew the cigarette smoke in his partners face, "I won't chill until you stop talking over and making fun of me when you're with your friends. I'm not your stupid pet and you don't own me. Whatever you say to impress them still hurts all the same."

"How about you first stop flirting around all the time while you're in a relationship with me! How do you think that makes me feel?", the other boy snapped back.

"I am not fucking flirting, I don't know what you're seeing?? And even if I was, I am loyal to you no matter what I am doing! Why can't you just trust me??" He took another drag and cherished the nicotine entering his system.

"Why do we always have to fight? It's all we ever do!," his boyfriend huffed angrily.

"We wouldn't if you'd stop being a dick!"

"Then stop being such a bitch!"

The door opened again and the younger boy groaned and threw his smoked down cigarette to the ground.

 

Yeah, do we really gotta do this now?
Right here with all your friends around
In the morning, we can work it out
Work it out

 

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you. And your friends too." He stomped on the cigarette and flipped his boyfriend's jock friends off before going back inside.

The other boy watched him leave and after a while decided to follow him. It was getting late and he was drunk and ready to go home.

He saw his boyfriend dancing in an empty corner of the room all by himself. It took only seconds of watching him before he felt himself getting really turned on. The boy was clearly as drunk as he was, his beautiful eyes glassy, his pink lips wet from the beer he had just sipped from the bottle in his hand. With a few long strodes he was glued to his boyfriends back, letting him grind his butt on his crotch.

 

I love you so much that I hate you
Right now, it's so hard to blame you
'Cause you're so damn beautiful
You're so damn beautiful

 

"Babe you're so hot," he mumbled into the smaller boys ear, "And fuck, you made me mad and I hate you but right now you're just so stunning I can't think straight. Let's work this out in the morning and forget everything tonight. I am gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk in the morning, baby boy, how does that sound?"

"I love my angry sex," the other boy smirked and dragged him to the exit.

 

Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?
I don't wanna know, oh
But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change
And you know that you're always gonna stay the same

 

He inhaled deeply, held his breath for a moment and then slowly let it out, letting his mouth form an O shape.

The cold dusk air was chilly and he cuddled deeper in his oversized sweater. The air was full of mist and the birds started chirping as the first orange glow of the sun brightened up the pitch blackness of the night, somewhere in the distance.

He yearned for a shower. The smell of sweat, alcohol and sex clung to him like a second skin.

He let out a sigh and buried his face in his hands. How did his life become this mess?

How did his personal dreamland turn into this nightmare of life? How did the boy he had loved more than anything and who had made him happy, turn into the person who upset him the most in the world?

Fights, fights, endless fights. Sleepless nights spent thinking about the relationship. He loved the other boy with all his heart. He was his world. He didn't wanna lose his boyfriend. Never.

But on the other hand he was suffering from the way he was treated. He spent all his spare time lost in misery and thoughts about his relationship. It consumed every little piece of his mind, body and brain.

But he ignored all the red flags and did everything to keep his partner by his side. Maybe there was hope for them. Even though he knew, deep down, that both of them wouldn't ever change and it would always stay the same.

 

Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?
I don't wanna know, oh
But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change
And you know you don't want it any other way

 

He looked back through the glass door that led to the balcony and saw the sleeping boy in their bed. His chest was slowly rising and falling, his hair messy in his face.

It were moments like these where he could clearly see the young boy he had fallen in love with so long ago. All innocent eyes and ruffled hair - so peaceful and shy.

He decided to swallow the lump in his throat and ignore the pain in his chest. One day they would be living happily together and he would laugh about these days where he doubted himself and the man he loved so many times. One day. He was sure of it.

He threw the finished cigarette from the balcony and quietly opened the glass door.

 

Every time that you say you're gonna leave
That's when you get the very best of me
You know we need it like the air we breathe
Air we breathe, yeah

 

"Fuck you, man! Why do you always have to pick fights, I am so sick of your stupid little games!"

"No, fuck you! Why do you have to treat me like shit all the time! You weren't like this when we first started dating!! What happened?," he tried to stay calm, even though his mind was already all over the place after his late night trip to the balcony and to the dark part of his thoughts.

"People CHANGE! And you should be happy for me, because I feel way better as the person I am right now! Why can't you support me in this??"

"I AM supporting you! It just feels like you're completely leaving me behind! Take me with you on your transformation journey? I don't wanna be your pet boyfriend you can parade around in front of your friends but you never think of as important enough to care about my feelings, or what I think. Because the opinion of your new super cool friends is obviously way more important than mine!!"

"You're such a little attention whore," he huffed, "go fuck yourself, man. I don't need anyone holding me back from my new life. Fuck off, I am leaving."

"No, listen," tears pooled in his eyes, "I am sorry if it seemed like I am not supporting you. I totally am! It's just difficult for me to keep up sometimes at the pace of your change. But I am always here for you, and I am sorry to be such a whiny bitch all of the time. Take as much time with your friends as you need. But maybe you could make time for me from time to time too? I mean, just a little. You know, some date nights maybe, and some couple stuff. I just feel like we didn't have much quality time as couple lately, you've been so caught up with... everything and everyone.. everyone you don't even introduce me to. You leave me hanging when you promise to pick me up, or take me out, or even on valentines day you didn't show up. Can't you see I am feeling lonely when I only get you for like four days a month and your friends get you 24/7, and you still prioritise them in OUR private time? I just... don't forget to love me..."

"Man.. don't cry babe. But you gotta understand me! I have new friends and I have new insiders with them, only because you don't get them doesn't mean you're being excluded. I am not married to you, so I basically owe you nothing. And yes I might have stayed out long with my best friend lately, and yes I might have missed a few dates cause I was just.. you know out with the guys and stuff, but hell I am allowed to have my own life! Give me a break, dude. I don't have to be around all of the time and if I don't introduce you to my friends it is my decision. Let me have my fun without you, it's only healthy in a relationship!"

The crying boy swallowed hard at his boyfriends words.

 

I love you so much that I hate you
Right now, it's so hard to blame you
'Cause you're so damn beautiful
You're so damn beautiful

 

"You know what, you're right," he put on a fake smile and wiped away his tears, "I am sorry, and I am gonna change. I promise."

"Good babe, cause I really don't wanna leave you. Now, come to bed and cuddle?"

And the younger boy did so. He snuggled up next to his partner but wasn't able to catch any more sleep. He was so angry at himself for taking all the blame. Again. And he was angry at the other boy to not take any of the blame. He new that he wasn't the bigger issue in the relationship, but he also knew that he wasn't ready to let the other boy go yet. He believed they could have an amazing future together if he just kept the boy by his side long enough for him to realize that too.

But it was getting harder and harder. Because who liked to be treated like air by their significant other? Or who liked to not be taken seriously by their partner?

So he was laying awake again, listening to the other boys soft breathing while asking himself the same question that's been eating at him for a while now: 'Do I really want this? I don't deserve to be treated like this, or do I? What if I just leave?' But in the end, he knew that he didn't want to know the answer.

 

Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?
I don't wanna know, oh
But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change
And you know that you're always gonna stay the same
Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?
I don't wanna know, oh (I don't wanna know)
But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change
And you know you don't want it any other way

 

He refreshed the messenger again. Still no reply.

That had been going on for three weeks now. It's been three weeks since he last saw his boyfriend, because said was always "out and about" and ever since then he rarely got a reply from him. Now it's been three days since the boy had left him on read again, and the younger one was so tempted to text again, but he knew he would regret it immediately.

He was just gonna wait for a reply. He didn't wanna be pathetic and send his boyfriend thousands of texts, that would only make things worse.

So he stuck to checking his phone every five minutes. He already got in trouble with his boss twice because he was always looking at his phone, but he couldn't help it.

For him everything was falling apart right now.

He knew he didn't deserve to be treated like this, nobody did.

And the sentence his boyfriend dropped last month at one of their endless fights was engraved in his brain. "Maybe we're just not meant to be".

What a stupid excuse. "Not meant to be" is an excuse to use when someone is just not willing to try hard enough.

And right now, the other boy was not trying one bit.

 

The hardest part of all (Da-da-da-dum-da-da)
Is that we're only built to fall (Is it easier?)

 

And by now, he also knew the answer to the burning question in his mind. It would be easier to go but he was scared of a life without his partner. It's been so long, he didn't know a life alone anymore. And the other boy had perfected the "You'll never find anyone like me, and nobody is gonna love you like me" game, so he was scared to be forever alone too.

So he was left feeling miserable and alone. His life was a real nightmare and he didn't have the energy or self esteem to change that.

 

Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?
I don't wanna know, oh (Oh)
But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change
And you know that you're always gonna stay the same (Is it easier?)
Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go? (Yeah)
I don't wanna know, oh (Oh)
But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change
And you know you don't want it any other way

 

Despite everything, he was still shocked and devastated when the call came.

After four days of no word from his boyfriend.

The younger boy picked up the phone with shaky hands and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey.. listen I need to talk to you."

"Okay..?" He cursed his voice for shaking.

"I was at Marcus place the other day, you know, my best friend, and stuff happened."

"What stuff..?"

"We.. made out. And it wasn't a one time thing."

There it was. The shaking boy sat down and was silent for a moment before he found his voice again.

"I... I am shocked to not be surprised by that. But I never fucking doubted your loyalty. I was never scared of you cheating on me, you now? So what, you kissed me and told me you loved me and then went off to kiss him an hour later? That's disgusting... Do you love Marcus?"

"I.. yes I do. I wasn't in love with you anymore, not for a while. Maybe like, i don't know, three month? Our relationship was all fights and shit and the effort we had to put in was just too much for me."

"Great, so you kept me around three month. Nice. Never really cared about my feelings did you? And of course it is too much effort, because I was always the one needing to put ALL the effort in, you NEVER really did. So fuck you. Also all that talk about healthy relationships and doubting my loyalty? You projected yourself on me, but unlike you I am not a cheater and I gave you all of me. Everything I had..."

"Listen, I can see why you're angry with me. You deserve to be.."

He sighed and the phone fell from his shaking hand. He picked it back up and looked at the picture flashing on his screen. The beautiful beautiful boy that had been his for so long. Before speaking the words, he already regretted them. But when you've been mentally abused and manipulated by a person for such a long time, you couldn't just stop. Every next word that came out of his mouth was a lie, but he couldn't stop them. Maybe, someday, he would be strong enough to recover from this nightmare of abusive relationship, but for now, he was still too hurt to function. All he could see was the beautiful boy on his phone screen, smiling up at him while having his arms wrapped around him.

"It's okay, I'll get over it. Maybe we can stay friends?"

 

I love you so much that I hate you (Hate you)

Right now, it's so hard to blame you

'Cause you're so damn beautiful

Chapter 10: MOVING ALONG - Muke/ Mashton

Summary:

Michael and Ashton are getting married but Luke has something important on his chest that he's struggling to keep contained. Will Luke crash his best friends wedding? Ft. mum friend Calum™

Originally posted: November 2022 on Wattpad

His subconsciousness kept yelling at him to get the fuck up and get out of bed. His conciseness, however, knew that he could press snooze at least three more times before he'd be running late.

Pleased with himself, Calum reached over to shut off the disturbing sound of his alarm, only to accidentally roll out of bed and hit the ground in a tangle of sheets. His alarm clock followed, hitting him in the head and still not stopping to beep.

Ashton had given the alarm clock to Calum last year, telling him it was idiot proof to make sure you get up on time. Why the hell you'd put a snooze button on an alarm clock designed for designated oversleepers was lost on Calum but today, this clock had certainly done it's job.

Calum finally found the button to shut the thing off before groaning and flopping back into his nest of sheets on his threadbare bedroomfloor carpet.

While his vision adjusted to the dim light pouring through the curtains, his eyes trailed to the floral suit hanging on his closet door.
He half smiled, half cringed and his stomach made a tiny backflip.

Michael and him had been at this for fucking years. He clearly remembered laying on his threadbare bedroomfloor carpet back at his parents house in Australia, staring up at the ceiling with Michael and joking about their future weddings. Right then and there, at the edge of fifteen, they had made a packt to come to each other's wedding in the ugliest, most tasteless suits they could find.

Calum thought he had done an amazing job with this one. It had a colorful floral print on it and was made out of a thick material that could only be described as "your late great grandmothers best carpet". Calum loved how he looked like a Harry Styles Walmart version when he wore it. Only Harry could pull off suits like these while also looking good.

Calum pushed himself off the floor and scrambled to his feet before stretching like a cat and throwing open the curtains. The day was beautiful already and the sun was just about to rise. Calums heart swelled. Michael and Ashton deserved nothing less on their wedding day.

After a round of morning cuddles with his puppy, Calum pushed his bedroom door open and padded into the kitchen. It was there where he found his other best friend sitting on the white tiles, his back leant against the kitchen counter.
Luke had his head tipped back and his eyes closed, though Calum could see his hands working at his sides, indicating that he wasn't napping.

"Hey mate," Calum mumbled, "How are you feeling?"

Luke's eyes snapped open and he looked at Calum.

"Meh," he mumbled.

Calum had to admit Luke looked like he had been chewed up and spit out.
Luke wasn't supposed to be here, on Calums kitchen floor on the day of their best friend's wedding.

Luke was supposed to be at home with his dog, getting ready and filled with as much excitement for the wedding as Calum. But instead, Luke had been living in Calums house for a week now, sulking and drowning in his own thoughts.
Luckily, Calums roommate was the most understanding human on the planet and had slept over at his girlfriend's house for the past week to give the two boys room to sort Luke out.

Calum wasn't sure they had sorted Luke out. He wasn't sure there was a way to fix Luke up, either.

Ever since Ashton and Michael had announced their engagement last year, Luke's life hinged on the events of one night, three years ago.
And instead of unhinging himself and moving on, Luke crashed every time like a Windows XP Laptop.

To be fair, Calum maybe wasn't the best emotional support friend in this situation either. In his opinion, Luke had had his shot and blew it and now he had to live with it.
But that's not what you tell your heartbroken best friend, and so Calum had done his best to be there for Luke over the last year and had succeded in keeping it all from his two other bandmates.

"C'mon," Calum offered Luke a hand, "Let's get this party started. We have a wedding to attend in three hours."

Luke looked up at Calum, the bags under his eyes almost looking like purple bruises.
"I don't think I can go," he whispered.

"Luke, pull your head out off your ass and move it," Calum put his hands on his hips.

"I don't want to be there," Luke snapped.

"Well too bad that this is not about you! Today is about Mike and Ash. And your job is to show up for your best friends on their wedding day," Calum didn't mean to be snapping at Luke, but he was about done with babysitting him. It almost seemed like Luke found pleasure in the pain of his own heartbreak instead of moving along.

Luke broke eye contact and looked at his bare feet. Calum sighed and slid down on the counter opposite of him, stretching his legs out infront of him.

"Luke, please. It's almost over. If you get through today, it'll become easier," Calum nuged Luke's leg with his.

"I know," Luke mumbled.

"I know this wedding makes you miserable but please try to look happy for them," Calum said, "there's no point in being unfair to Ash. He doesn't know what's going on and I think it's best he doesn't find out anytime soon."

"I wouldn't do that to Ash," Luke shook his head, "I love Ash, he's my brother. He deserves all the happiness and just because I didn't get that happiness doesn't mean he can't have it. I'm happy he's happy. Have you seen him lately? He's like the fucking sun."

"True," Calum smiled small. There was a short silence in the kitchen, only occasionally disturbed by Duke's paws tapping on the tiles.

"Either way, I don't think I can get through this sober," Luke mumbled. Calum sighed.

"That is fair enough, I guess," he muttered while getting up.

"Look," Calum said while pulling open his kitchen cabinet, "Six shots. That's all you get until the ceremony is over. I know it'll make you soft and relaxed but won't be enough to fuck you up. Just don't let Mike and Ash find out you drank, okay?"
Calum set six shot glasses on the counter and then proceeded to pour Tequila in each of them. He then turned to block Luke from reaching the shots.

"If you say one word, Luke, only one, I swear to fucking god I will end you. First of all, Michael and Ashton deserve the fucking world and that includes their perfect dream wedding. Don't even think about making things awkward in any way, for Mike and Ash or for the guests," he jabbed his finger at Luke's chest, "Second of all, and most importantly, there are gonna be reporters at the event. And people with huge social media followings. It's bad enough that I know most of our heartbreak bangers were written about Mike and you, by either Mike or you, so the world doesn't need to know it too. Spare them the details, please."

Luke nodded.

"Don't forget to get ready while getting drunk, okay?," Calum sighed while he stepped aside, granting Luke full access to the alcohol.

"Aye aye sir," Luke muttered and threw back the first dosis of liquid confidence. A dosis that would have terrible concequences later.

And as promised, Luke was dressed and ready when Calum stepped out of his room half an hour later.

"Are you ready to go?," Calum asked.

"Can I have a few more shots?," Luke asked.

"No," Calum immediately replied, "come on now."

Luke rolled his eyes but walked past Calum toward the door. "You look horrendous," he commented.

"I wish I could say the same about you," Calum muttered.

Calum had to admit that Luke looked extremely handsome in his baby blue suite and white button up, his blonde curls just the perfect amount of messy.
He'd even used concealer to get rid of the bags under his eyes and had applied a tiny bit of glittery makeup around them.

Luke got into the car while Calum locked the front door and climbed into the driver's seat.

For most of the drive they were both silent.

"If you have something to say, get it out now," Calum muttered while they stopped at a red light. The LA traffic was ridiculous as always and Calum was sure they were gonna be late.

Luke was quiet for a long moment and Calum almost thought Luke wouldn't speak up anymore until he muttered the same five words he had muttered for a year now, ever since Michael's and Ashton's engagement.

"I should've told him."

Calum sighed. "Luke, buddy.."

"I know, you don't have to say it again," Luke sighed and looked out the passenger side window, "I just can't stop thinking about it. What if it would've changed something?"

"But what if it hadn't and things would've gotten more awkward? By the time you figured your shit out, Ash and Mike were about to start dating. I don't know- i just think Mikey wouldn't have started dating Ash if he was still in love with you.."

Luke leant his head against the window and closes his eyes.

"I know. It all comes back to me being super stupid that night."

That night.

That.

Night.

The thing was, Calum didn't even know what exactly happened that night.

All he had were second hand retellings from Luke, three month after it happened.

However, Calum did remembered the night Luke came to him and his life changed forever.

It was a quiet evening and he was starting to unwind on his couch. Netflix was quietly playing in the background while he used one hand to cuddle with his puppy who took residence on his chest and was scrolling through the #5sos on Twitter with the other. They had agreed with their management to keep track of what the fans had to say so they wouldn't get thrown into cold water when asked about fandom trends in pop culture interviews.

His quiet time got interrupted by the doorbell going off.
At first Calum didn't move. Nobody had the right to disturb his quality time. Plus: his roommate was out so he was alone at home and LA was a wild place to live. He didn't want to get murdered in his own house.
Then the door bell rang a second time. Calum frowned and tried to remember if anyone had said they'd drop by. As if on cue, Calum received a text.

 

Luke US

I'm at your door

pls open?

 

 

Calum frowned, grabbed his puppy from his chest, tugged him under his arm and detoured to his door.

"Hey," he said while opening the door to find his bandmate standing in front of him.

"Hi.. uh.. are you busy? I can leave if now is not a good time," Luke sounded anxious and worn out. He was fidgety and looked like he hadn't had a proper sleep all week. The last time Calum had seen him was last weekend, and Luke looked fine back then.

"No," Calum said and swung the door open wider, "Lucky you I have nothing to do but watch Netflix and stalk fans on Twitter. So, come in."

Luke smiled small and stepped in. He kicked his running shoes off and pulled down the hood of his sweatshirt. Calum walked back to his living room and Luke followed, sitting down on Calums couch.

"I have a problem," Luke said, without preamble.

"I figured. Unannounced courtesy visits are Ashton's thing," Calum muttered while sitting down opposite of Luke.
Luke smiled weakly at that.

"Look, I'm about to tell you something that you can't repeat to anyone else," Luke said seriously.

"Oh god," Calum muttered, "I feel like I don't like where this is going.."
Calum sat his puppy down to be able to completly focus on his bandmate but the traitor scrambled straight over to Luke and jumped up in his lap. Happy to have his hands occupied, Luke buried them in Dukes fur and scratchd the puppy's head.

"I promise," Calum said, looking straight and Luke to make sure he understood how sincere he was.

"Okay," Luke said, "The night out we had in Barcelona. We all got piss drunk."

Calum nodded.

"Mike and me stayed out while you and Ash went back to the hotel," Luke continued.

"I was there," Calum said dry.
Luke rolled his eyes.

"Michael kissed me."

Calums eyes widened almost comically and he drew his thick eyebrows up. For a few moments he just stared at Luke, waiting for him to tell him it was a joke. But Luke looked back without a smile.

"He did?," Calum eventually asked.

"Yeah," Luke nodded, "And, like.. it wasn't like just a short kiss? But then it was over. And I think I made a mistake."

Calum held up a hand.
"Luke. I am so confused. You're not making any sense."

Luke looked down. "Sorry."

"No," Calum said, "It's okay. Just explain?"

"Okay, so the party night three month ago in Barcelona. Mike and me were super drunk," Luke said.

"Okay," Calum nodded.

"And then we came back to the hotel early in the morning. While looking for the hotel key, I stumbled into him. Then he kissed me."

"Okay."

"And I didn't immediately pull away. And then there was some fumbling and then I pushed him away," Luke said.

"Fair enough," Calum nodded.

"I think I said something along the lines of not liking dudes and having a girlfriend," Luke explained, "don't really remember clearly though."

"Naturally," Calum said.

"And then Michael said that he knows that. And that he was sorry he overstepped. And then he went to his room," Luke said, "And I think I've made a huge mistake."

"Why?," Calum frowned.

"Because... because I think I like him. A lot," Luke mumbled.

"Oh," Calum breathed quietly.

"Yeah," Luke rubbed his face, "I just didn't realize then.. I don't know."

"Did you two ever talk about the kiss?," Calum asked.

"No," Luke said, "But my brain kept bringing it up. And in like the most random moments. And especially when I was kissing her. And then it eventually hit me."

Calum nodded. His thoughts were a hurricane but he tried to keep it together for Luke.

"You should talk to Mike. Talk about the kiss. Tell him how you feel," Calum said, beacuse it seemed like the obvious thing to do.

Luke nodded. "I know," he said, "I will. But I needed to get this off my chest."

Calum nodded and motioned for Luke to come over. Calum knew Luke needed hugs. He'd always needed them and would probably always need them. Luke was a person who found comfort in other people's warmth, smells, familiarity and arms. Luke, who understood the gesture all too well, scooted over and let Calum wrap him in a hug.

"It's gonna be okay, Lukey," Calum said, "Don't freak out about it too much. And try not to overthink."

Luke nodded small.

"Thanks for telling me," Calum mumbled and hugged him a little tighter, "I love you all the same."

Instead of a verbal response, Luke pressed himself tighter to Calum.

"Just talk to Mike," Calum said.

"I will," Luke said.

Weeks went by and Luke didn't.
Weeks turned into month and then half a year. Soon, it was nine month after the incident in Barcelona and Luke hadn't had the balls to talk to Michael. He said he waited for the right moment.

The right moment never came.

Luke missed it.

Nine month after the kiss, Ashton and Michael told them they'd fallen in love and were dating. They asked them if they were okay with it and if there would be a problem.

Calum and Luke both said that it was fine, that they were happy for them, and that there won't be a problem at all.

Calum and Luke both knew that this was a blatant lie.

Calum also knew that he'd have a whole lot of damage control to do.

And so he sat here, three years later, on his way to his best friends wedding, with his still heartbroken best friend in the car next to him.

"If there'd be any specific day for letting this kind of thing go, today would be the day," Calum muttered.

"I don't even know if I'm still really hung up on Mike," Luke said, "Or just on the fact that I never opened my god-damned mouth. I hate the fact that I might have been able to change something and I didn't. The words weigh really heavy on my chest and I wish I'd have gotten them out."

"I get that, I think. But today is not the day," Calum said.

"I know."

***

 

Calums heart began beating faster the moment they pulled up to the venue. He didn't know why he was so excited for his best friends to get married but he was ready to embrace it. Luke and Calum got out of his SUV and continued down the small path leading to the location of Ashton's and Michael's open air wedding.

The path was lined with torches that would illuminate the way later when the celebration would be in full swing. The venue itself was divided in two parts.
To their left, there was an open plain on a small platform of rock and grass. Chairs were neatly lined up and at the front there was a wooden arch decorated with white and blue flowers under witch a table and two chairs stood. On either sides were more chairs for the groomsmen. The path leading up to the arch was lined with flowers and torches as well. The whole platform was overlooking the hills. The golden autumn sun made the whole place looked even more magical and Calum almost teared up by just looking at it.

To their right was a wooden house. It had a restaurant at the bottom, which would later provide the food for the party. There were also a few spare rooms for the gooms and Calum saw a few of their friends and Michaels family already buzzing around outside. Infront of the house was a massive terrace. The terrace was crowded with chairs arranged around decorated tables. There was a buffet table on one side and a space for dancing and DJ equipment on the other side. The terrace was covered with a wooden construction from which lightbulbs, fairy lights and flowers hung. The whole place looked cozy and beautiful.

Calum and Luke made a beeline to the right to find their best friends. Since neither Michael, nor Ashton wanted to do the whole "walking down to the altar while the other one waits up front" thing, they had decided to walk down the isle together. Their groomsmen would walk infront of them.
Calum was Michael's best man and Luke was Ashton's. So Calum sent Luke off to find Ashton and calm his nerves, while Calum went on his own mission to find Michael.
He didn't have to look too long. Karen told him that he was getting ready in one of the upstairs rooms of the restaurant.

"Mikey, hey," Calum smiled when he pecked his head through the door and spotted the blonde boy standing infront of a mirror.
"Hey, buddy," Michael turned around with a smile but once he caught sight of Calum, his eyes widened and he gaped.

"What the fuck are you wearing?," he asked incredulous.

"The nicest, yet most eye insulting suit I could find. A deal is a deal," Calum grinned.

"God you're such an idiot," Michael mumbled, "I fucking love you, bro."
Michael crossed the distance and pressed Calum against him in a long, hard hug.

"How are you feeling?," Calum asked.

"My nerves are killing me but I'm so fucking excited and happy," Michael mumbled.

"Well, you look amazing," Calum beamed.

"Thanks buddy," Michael beamed, "And you look marvelous."

"I know," Calum grinned and did a stupid spin for Michael. Michael rolled his eyes fondly.

"Here," he said, and grabbed a tiny flower arrangement, "for your lapel."
He proceeded to tuck the flower in Calums suit and Calum could see Michaels hands were shaking slightly.

"Thanks," Calum said and caught Michaels hands in his. "Are you ready? Do you have everything? Flowers? The rings?"

Michael nodded. "My mum has the flowers. And Lauren has the rings. And I have everything, I think."

"Okay," Calum waited a moment for Michael to look at him and then continued, "You're okay. You're here to marry the love of your life. And I'm so fucking happy for you. And so proud of you. I know you're nervous and I'd probably be, too, but you're gonna be okay. Love you, Mikey."

"I love you too," Michael withdrew his hands from Calums to hug him again.

 

***

 

They were about to line up for the processional when Calum finally caught sight of Luke again. He was trudging a few feet behind Ashton, who sort of looked unhappy.
Calums stomach plummeted.

"Hey Ash," Calum beamed and wrapped the groom in a big hug, "you look amazing!"

"Thank you," Ashton grinned his dimpely grin back.

"Everything alright?," Calum asked under his breath.

"Luke just drowned a few glasses of champagne. Is he okay?," Ashton mumbled.

Calum groaned.

"Yeah. He's a nervous wreck for some reason. I think he thinks being best man is a huge responsibility. I'll keep an eye on him," Calum smoothed it over.

"Okay," Ashton smiled, "Thanks man."

They all lined up at the beginning of the pathway leading up to the floral arch.
First, Ashton and Michaels parents. Then immediately after that, Calum and Luke as best men, then the wedding party and Lauren, as ring bearer, together with her brother Harry.
And at the end, Ashton and Michael, side by side and beaming.

Calum chose to not scold Luke on drinking. He, for once in the past few months, didn't want to babysit his best friend and just wanted to be in the moment and present for this special moment in his other best friends lives.

Once everyone was in place, the officiant welcomed them and thanked them for being there. He offered an introduction and a brief recounting of Michael and Ashtons love story and words on what marriage meant to them.

Next up, the readers were invited up to share a few words.
In this case, the readers were Michael's mum Karen, one of Michaels best friends Crystal, their friend and videographer Ryan, Calums roommate Roy and Calum himself. They all had written a few lines of what they wished the to-be weds for their marriage.

After Calum was tugged back into his seat next to Luke and more that relieved, the officiant addressed the grooms and talked about the responsibilities of marriage and the sanctity of the vows they were about to take.

The two of them then took turns reciting their vows. Both Michael and Ashton had written their own vows and Calum found his lashes wet within the first minute.

And then, it was time to exchange the rings.

Calum noticed with a sinking feeling, that Luke had just been sitting next to him, unmoving, staring ahead. It looked like he was was there physically but not really mentally.

But the ceremony was three quarters over.

It was as good as over.

Or so Calum thought. Because the next thing he knew, Luke burst into motion.

He had distinctly noted that the officiant had asked if anyone objected to this marriage.

Now Luke was standing and everyone was staring at him. Calums heart jumped in his throat.

"I-," Luke started, "I.. I."

He looked directly at Michael, who looked horrified.

"I should have said something sooner," Luke said, and Calum grabbed him by the suit to pull him back down. But Luke put up a struggle to keep standing.

"Michael, I was really stupid when I was younger but I love you, I think, I just didn't know it and now I do and I can't stop thinking about it," Luke rushed out.
Calums stomach dropped through the floor. He jumped to his feet to clap a hand over Luke's moth just when he opened it to speak again.

Michael and Ashton stared at him, dumbfounded.

Ashton looked to Michael and then back to Luke. It was dead silent.

"Luke," Michael eventually said, his tone was calm and soft, almost apologetic, "I'm sorry, but I love Ashton. And I thought that was obvious." He gestured around him helplessly.

Calum could feel Luke deflating against him and now tried his best to hold him up. He cast his eyes down and nodded, Calums hand still pressed firmly against his lips.

"I'm.. really sorry?," Michael offered again, halfway directed at Luke, half at Ashton.

Ashton looked absolutely confused.

"This is not a valid legal reason to not continue the ceremony," the officiant informed them, "but if the grooms would like to stop, we can. It's up to you."

Ashton looked at Michael. "I-," he was still recovering from the shock, "do you?"

"No?," Michael's voice was a few octaves higher than usual, "I love you, Ashton. I want to marry you!"

Calum navigated Luke back down in his seat. Luke bent over and hid his face in his hands, looking like he was trying to disappear altogether.

"Okay, me too," Ashton said and cast a worried glance back at Calum and Luke. Calum gave a half shrug and a half smile and thumbs up.

The officiant, being the professional he was, continued where he left off.
Lauren brought the rings, they exchanged more vows and rings, and then they were declared husband and husband and kissed. The whole procedure felt off though. Since Luke's intervention, the atmosphere in the lovely little space had changed. The guests kept stealing glances at Luke, who went back to staring straight at the couple in front of him.

After the ceremony, the grooms walked back down the path, hand in hand. Calum and Luke were supposed to get in line behind them but Luke took the first opportunity to slip away and disappeared.
Calum used the time the other wedding guests needed to get up and walk up to them to hug and congratulate the freshly married couple.

"Congrats guys," he beamed and pulled both men into one hug.

"I'm so sorry about what happened," Calum whispered into the hug.

"What the fuck was that?," Ashton asked.

"I have no idea," Michael said sheepishly, "Cal?"

"Not really sure," Calum said. At least it wasn't a complete lie. "We'll talk to him later. Just enjoy your night, okay? We'll worry about it tomorrow."

"It feels wrong without Luke, though," Ashton said.

They were interrupted by Michael's and Ashton's families arriving and congratulating them.

Calum went off in search of Luke.

"Cal!," he heard Roy's voice across the crowd.

Roy pushed his body through the waiting wedding guests to arrive at Calums elbow.

"Are you looking for Luke?," he asked.

Calum nodded.

"I think he's behind the house. Was that what him sleeping at our place was about?," he asked.

"Yep. Damage control. Now I've got more to do," Calum sighed.

"I'm really sorry man," Roy squeezed Calums shoulder. Calum nodded.

Calum did find Luke behind the restaurant. He was sitting in the grass, knees drawn up to his chest and his face tilted to the sky. His eyes were closed but his eyebrows were drawn in a frown.

Without saying anything, Calum sat on the grass next to him. The back of the house was overlooking the hills too and it was quiet without the buzzing of the wedding.

Calum had decided not to yell at Luke. He sort of wanted to, because Luke had acted so fucking stupid and ignored everything Calum had begged him to do- or not to do.

But Luke was Luke. Luke was his best friend. Had been his best friend since middle school. And right now, Luke was hurting. And Calum was pretty sure Luke knew how much he messed up. How he fucked over his best friends wedding. How he had possibly screwed the banter in the band.

So instead of lecturing him, he swung an arm around Luke and drew him closer so he was tugged against his side. Luke let his head roll on Calums shoulder and Calum rested his cheek on the top Luke's head.

"You're an idiot," he said softly.

Calum knew that they had to talk about what happened eventually. That they had to face Michael and Ashton, and the whole wedding party. Had to sort the whole situation out.

"I know."

But right now, it was just Luke and him. Two best friends. One hurting, ashamed, broken. And one the rock to cling to, the calm in the middle of the clusterfuck hurricane around them.

Just Calum and Luke.

The rest could wait.

Chapter 11: RED LINE - Lashton

Summary:

A songfic for Red Line.
Luke and Ashton are casually hooking up but to Ashton, "casual" doesn't work anymore. Or: Ashton is in love with Luke but to Luke it's just sex.

Set in 2018/19 when Luke was living with Ashton for a while.

TW: Depression, mention of selfharm, alcoholism, and implied smut i guess

Originally posted: January 2023 on Wattpad

It's hard to fake when I'm not faded
I thought I could prepare myself

 

The bottle felt cold in his hand even though he had been holding onto it for a while.
His empty glass sat on the table infront of him, sticky substance dried up in a circle around the bottom. It was sure to leave a stain on the delicate wooden table but that was to be mourned in the morning, picked apart with the other remains of tonight.

It always started with a glass. Just one.

One turned into three, more often five.

And at one point, he saw no point in taking the in-between step of pouring the alcohol into the glass before drowning it anymore.

This happened between two and four times a week. Sometimes more often.

Lately definitely more often.

 

When you asked me, "What's the matter?"
The actor says he hates himself

 

He saw a movement from the corner of his blurry vision.
Someone had entered the living room and lingered in the doorframe before coming over to sit down on the loveseat opposite of him.

He brought the bottle up to his lips and took another sip before his eyes wandered up to meet the two blue ones staring back at him.

Ashton could write hundreds of songs about those eyes. Thousands of pages, and still none of them could do them justice.

Ashton had written a fair amount of songs about them in his life. Not only about the beautiful, slightly mismatched eyes of the boy before him. He had written songs about his freckles, his blonde curls, his smile, his laugh, his beautiful soul. Songs about the complexity of the younger boys mind, about the manipulative part of his personality and about the darkness in his heart.
Some songs were out in the world, being obliviously listened to every day by thousands of people. Some songs would never see the light of day.

Ashton had written verses, paragraphs, pages, fucking books about Luke Hemmings in desperate attempts to figure him out, and by that, figure himself out.

But in the end, Ashton found that the only time Luke and him made any sense was when Ashton was wasted.

"Why are you doing this?," Luke asked, like every time.

"Because I hate myself," Ashton said like every time.

Luke sighed and put his hands over his eyes.

"Don't say that," Luke mumbled. Like every time.

"It's better than saying that I hate you," Ashton muttered.

"What? Why do you hate me?," Luke removed his hands from his face in surprise.

"I hate that I can't hate you, Luke," Ashton snapped, "You're fucking with my head."

Luke stayed silent. He ran a hand through his hair and then grabbed the bottle from Ashton. The rings on Luke's hands made a distinct clanking sound against the glass and Ashton let the bottle go.
Luke took a big gulp and immediately pulled a face while he struggled to swallow the hard liquor.

Ashton's eyes slid down to Luke's wet pink lips.

"Tell me what to do about it," Luke mumbled once he had regained control over his facial expression.

"You could try to stop being so hot, that'd maybe work," Ashton replied sarcastically.

Luke's lips tugged up into a playful smile. "Sorry mate," he shrugged and took another sip from the bottle.

Ashton tried to grab the bottle back but Luke stood up and held it out of Ashton's reach.
"No, I think you've had enough," he said sternly.

Ashton raised an eyebrow and hooked his pointer finger into waistband of Lukes jeans instead, startling the younger boy into lowering his arm. Ashton pulled Luke closer by his waistband and quickly grabbed the alcohol. But Luke kept a firm grip on the bottle and so he was janked down and stumbled half on top of Ashton, steadying himself with one hand on the back of the couch.

Ashton looked up at Luke hovering over him, bottle still firmly in his hand and obviously amused by the fight for the bottle.
And damn Luke and his stupid skinny jeans and tight black shirt.

Ashton suddenly lost interest in the bottle. Instead, he looped the index finger of both hands through the belt loops on both sides of Luke's hip and pulled him down in his lap so the tall man was straddling him.

"So I'm the one messing with your head, huh?," Luke chuckled.

"Hmm," Ashton looked up at him.

"Mate I think you're messing with your own head," Luke laughed and pushed his long curls back from his face.

Ashton took a moment to just look at Luke, and Luke looked back. He had to tilt his head down to look at the shorter man's face from his elevated place on Ashton's lap.

"Maybe," Ashton eventually muttered.

"So what are you gonna do about it?," Luke whispered.

"With you in my lap looking like you do right now?," Ashton said, "Absolutely nothing."

Ashton reached up and tangled his fingers in Luke's hair before gently pulling him down and connecting their lips.

The kiss turned desperate and needy right away. Luke used his position to grind down on Ashton's lap, earning a soft groan from the older boy.
Ashton tangled his other hand in Luke's curls and softly scraped his fingernails over Luke's scalp, which in return earned him a moan from Luke.
Luke impatiently clawed at Ashton's button up shirt and pulled it up from where it was tugged into Ashton's jeans. His hands crawled under the hem and ghosted over Ashton's toned stomach.
Ashton gently bit on Luke's bottom lip and slowly drew away, not letting go for a few seconds. Another moan slipped past Luke's lips.

"Fuck Luke," Ashton groaned and worked his way down to Luke's neck, "why so pretty?"

Ashton gently sucked on Luke's neck but let go almost instantly, not wanting to leave a mark.

Well, not wanting to was a lie. He wanted to mark Luke up really badly, but they had an agreement and Ashton was a man of his word.

Luke dropped his head on Ashton's shoulder and clumsily fumbled with the button on Ashton's pants.

"Oh no," Ashton growled and grabbed Luke's hands with his own. Ashton drew away from Lukes neck and leant back to look into Luke's lust filled eyes, "not so fast, Hemmings."

Ashton pulled Luke's hands behind Luke's back and held both his wrists together with one of his large hands. The other hand quickly undid Luke's jeans button and while he reconnectes their lips he slipped his free hand in Luke's jeans and cupped Luke's ass.

Luke let out a small gasp followed by a moan that was smothered by Ashton shoving his tounge into Luke's mouth.
Their tounges fought for dominance for a while with Luke whining and struggling to get his hands free, desperate to touch the other man.

Luke softly bit down on Ashton's lips and for a split moment Ashton loosened his grip on Luke's wrists. Luke instantly slipped his hands from his grip and immediately started unbuttoning Ashton's shirt. Ashton made use of his now free hand by shoving it into Luke's pants.
Luke muffled the moan crawling up his throat by biting down on Ashton's lower lip again and grazing his hands over Ashtons nipples.
Ashton let a string of profanities fall past his lips before he swiftly flipped them so Lukes back hit the couch and he was hovering over Luke.

"Still fucking with your head?," Luke mumbled cheekily.

"Oh I'll be fucking something else soon, baby," Ashton growled, "something much more interesting than my head."

And with that, he started pulling off Luke's jeans.

 

When we collided in the morning
Screaming with the mission bell
We burnt the city without warning
Reaching out for someone's help

 

"Hey," Luke stepped out to find Ashton meditating in the garden.

Ashton didn't acknowledge him. He didn't even move.

Luke huffed, took a deep breath of morning air and then went back inside to make coffee. While he watched the black liquid pour into the cup he heard Ashton stepping into the kitchen behind him and closing the door.

Luke turned around, braces bis hands on the counter behind him and raised an eyebrow at the older man.

The pair stared at each other for a moment.

"Do you remember what you said last night?," Luke asked small.

"You're fucking with my head."

Luke nodded.

"I stand by that," Ashton said flatly.

"Do you want me to move out?," Luke asked.

"I want you to stop messing with me," Ashton frowned.

"Dude, don't put all the blame on me!," Luke snapped back, "You're the one who always gets shitfaced and then wants to fuck!"

"You're the one who goes out with a girl when the sun shines but then wants to duck my dick at night," Ashton shot back.

"We said this was no strings attached, mate," Luke glared.

"YOU said it was no strings attached," Ashton snapped.

Luke threw his hands up. "Fine. If you need to hate me so you can pretend that the problem isn't you hating yourself, fine. Do whatever you need!"

"I don't pretend to not hate myself, Luke!," Ashton glared, "But you certainly do!"

"I don't hate myself," Luke frowned.

"Luke, I had you move in with me six month ago because you were hanging on your life by a very thin, very fucking taunt thread," Ashton bit back.

"Well, I'm doing better now," Luke yelled, "I'm allowed to heal! You should try it sometime!"

"How the fuck am I supposed to heal when the person who cuts me is living with me?!," Ashton yelled back.

"Do you mean me, or yourself?," Luke asked sarcastically.

"Here's a truth you don't want to hear, Luke: while all we had starting out was casual sex, I'm now absolutely hooked on you. You're like my fucking drug, dude, only that I will never know which type of trip I'll end up being on when I start losing myself in you. Some days you say all those things about how much you care for me and you hold me and we fuck all night. And then the next day you're on a date with a girl and I'm just your bandmate and I'm alone again, feeling like absolute fucking shit."

"Well, Ashton. Like I said, we agreed on mo strings attached. How was I supposed to know that changed when all you do lately is drink and get high and then crawl into my bed when it's dark outside and your head is empty and your heart lonely?"

The two of them stared each other down for a few moments.

"All I am asking for is one small thing. Get the fuck out of my head, Luke Hemmings," Ashton spit out.

 

How many times did we run from each other?
How many times did I walk out the door?
Into the dark, we're no good for each other
Into the dark, I'm not welcome no more

 

Ashton shrugged on his winter coat and slammed the door shut behind him.

He was angry. And he didn't exactly know why.
That fact only made him angrier though.

Technically he knew what he was was angry about, or better who he was angry at. It wasn't really Luke, it was himself. He shouldn't have let it get this far.
It was his fault for getting attached.

Because, of course, the younger man was right.
They had agreed on no strings attached.

But now, four months later, Ashton was fuming thinking about how stupid he had been to think that this could ever be a casual thing. He should've known better.
But could he have known better?

The thing was: Having sex with Luke Hemmings was never something Ashton had thought about right until the point when it happened.

But ever since it happened, it was the only thing he could think about.

 

'Cause I been spending all this time alone
I'm on the red line, sinking aperol
Another vessel in a winter coat
(Ooh, ooh)

 

Ashton leant bis head against the cool glass of the underground train.
It's stupid, he thought, for them to be called underground trains when they partly operated above ground.
Through the fogged up window he could only see the rough shaped of trees and houses fly by outside.

Ashton ran through his memories again trying to find the moment when everything had changed.
He began questioning everything and himself. Had it ever been casual to him? What if he had been in love with Luke Hemmings all along and he just didn't know until Luke had put his magic lips on him in the small bathroom?

Memories clear as day appeared behind Ashton's eyes and his heart thudded like a kick drum.

They had been drunk.

Shitfaced to the point of throwing up.

It had started pretty harmless, but still with the intention of it turning disastrous, like every idea Michael had that wasn't directly related to music.

Ashton remembered them all agreeing on the essential concept of talking about the new album while slowly getting drunk. They had called up their videographer for help, had set up a blue background in Ashton's kitchen and had gotten to work.

It had taken them three hours to record the whole thing because the alcohol had rendered them stupid about halfway through. On top of that, Ashton had thought it a good idea to start a house party along the way, so by the time they wrapped the video shoot, his house had been full of people.

At one point, long past midnight, Ashton had wanted to get another drink. When he had grabbed the bottle, the glass had slipped out of his other hand. He had tried to catch it but his brain had been lagging and it had shattered on the kitchen counter where Ashton's hand had collided with the shards.
At first, Ashton hadn't realized what had happened. He had been so pumped up on the alcohol that he hadn't even feelt any pain. At a loss of a better idea he had held his hand under the tap water and had watched the red spinning down the drain.
There had been a big cut across his palm that had relentlessly been leaking blood. He had eventually faced the fact that this cut needed some sort of bandaid and had turned off the tap water to go to the bathroom.

"Mate, you okay?," he heard Luke slur behind him.

"Yeah dude, just dropped a glass. I'll be right back after I put a bandaid on this," Ashton held up his hand and Luke's eyes widened.

"Dude," he gasped, "A bandaid won't do shit. You'll need to get stitches i think."

"Bro everyone here including me is shitfaced. I'm not going anywhere tonight," Ashton rolled his eyes, "I'll be fine."

"Okay. Well, lemme help you, though."

Before Ashton could say anything, Luke had already detoured to the bathroom. Ashton grabbed a kitchen towel and pressed it into his palm to avoid getting blood all over his floor and joined Luke in his small bathroom. Luke had already pulled out antiseptic and gauze from the cupboard behind the mirror and was getting the tape and scissors from under the sink.

"Dude, chill, a bandaid will do fine," Ashton frowned.

"Bro, trust me. I have experience with cuts of all sizes," Luke stared him in the eyes. Ashton looked away and ran a hand through his hair.
"Okay, do your thing," Ashton mumbled, upset that Luke would bring up his mental health so casually.

Luke drew Ashton closer and got to work. He put antiseptic on the cut, then pressed cotton on it and wrapped his hand up in gauze. When he was done, he looked at Ashton.

"When this looks bad in the morning, I'm going to force you to get stitches," Luke tried to look serious but Ashton couldn't help but give a weak smile.
Luke still wore a pair of silly pink glasses they had used as a prop in the video they shot earlier.

"You look ridiculous in those," Ashton laughed and used his free hand to remove the glasses from Luke. The wrapped up hand was still held securely in Luke's palm.

"I look fabulous," Luke rolled his eyes.

Ashton grinned.

"Does it hurt? It's not like you can take painkillers right now, but still," Luke asked.

"Not really. And if it starts hurting, I'll jut have to up the concentration of alcohol in my blood. It'll be antiseptic from the inside as well! Two birds with one stone," Ashton grinned.

"Pretty sure that's not how it works," Luke said but laughed too.

For some reason, Luke still had a grip on Ashton's hand. And for some reason, they were both still standing in the bathroom.

"Thanks, uh, for this," he nodded towards his hand, suddenly shy.

"'course, mate," Luke said, "Can't let you bleed out in the kitchen."

"Yeah," Ashton scratched the back of his head, "That'd be a mess."

"Yeah. And a lot of work getting rid of the body," Luke said.

"A lot of explaining to the fans, too," Ashton nodded.

"Are you gonna drag this out or are you gonna kiss me now?," Luke asked.

"What?," Ashton asked shocked.

"Dude," Luke whined, "You've been eyefucking me the whole time I patches you up!"

"No, I hav-"

Luke surged forward and pressed his lips on Ashton's in a quick, hard kiss. Ashton gaped at Luke once he pulled back again.

Luke raised a sassy eyebrow and somehow a switch flipped in Ashton's head. He reached his uninjured hand up to draw Luke in by the back of his neck and reconnected their lips.

After when felt like moments but could well have been years, someone banged on the bathroom door.

"You guys okay in there or is Ash bleeding to death?," Calums voice sounded through the door.

The two sprang apart and Luke jumped in to yell "Just finished bandaging him up, you can come in if you want."

Calum shoved the door open and first eyed Ashton's bandaged hand before saying "Roy and me are heading home, bro. Otherwise neither of us will find the way back anymore." Calum was gripping the doorframe for steadying himself.

"Okay mate," Ashton said, "I'll come say goodbye in a second."

Calum turned around and started his journey back to the kitchen.

"We shouldn't do this," Ashton whispered.

"Do what?," Luke raised an eyebrow and grinned at him before pushing past him to leave the bathroom.

The moment the last guests had left, Luke and Ashton collided again. This time, Luke had both hands on Ashton's cheeks and Ashton was holding Luke by the waist. The kiss was rough, far from gentle and loving. There was heat behind it, desire, desperation. When Ashton's back hit something, he realized they had stumbled into the kitchen wall. Luke was pressing him against it, while Ashton yanked Luke's dark red silk button up out of his pants to run his hands over Luke's bare back.
Luke's breath hitchd and he detached from Ashton's mouth to work on his neck. Ashton groaned and used his fingernails on Luke's back before he flipped them in a battle of dominance.
Luke didn't seem to want to fight though, being happy in his spot pinned against the wall with one of Ashton's knees between his legs and Ashton's lage hands roaming his torso.

 

Lonely hours cut me so deep
The only part that gives me hell
The secret weapon no one showed me
Fall out of love you lose yourself

 

"We probably shouldn't do this," Ashton had rasped out the morning after.

"What this? There is no this. This is nothing," Luke had muttered, arm still shielding his eyes from the light pouring through Ashton's bedroom window.

Ashton had grunted in agreement.

"It's only a big deal if we make it one, mate," Luke had mumbled.

"Let's not," Ashton had muttered.

"Agreed," Luke had said, "no strings attached."

"No strings attached."

Now look where that got us, Ashton thought bitterly and sunk deeper into his winter coat. His hand was massaging the scar on his palm.

 

Every hour ticking by, I think about you
I reminisce your memory, and what did I choose?
A sentimental comedy, the joke is on you
It's on me, too

 

Of course Luke was right, Ashton thought while he watched the scrawny black silhouettes of leafless trees flash by. Deep orange had started to seep into the dirty blue of the afternoon and painted the world outside the carriage in a cool glow. He was almost the only person left on the train and loved the solitude.
It was getting ridiculous how many hours he'd spend alone on the Red Line thinking about Luke. But it seemed to be the only place Ashton was able to pick through his head and sort his heart out, if that was even possible.

Luke seemed to handle the situation so much more mature than him.

But then again, Luke didn't have his heart tangled in the mess they were, so it was easier for him to use his brain.

And Luke was right. Like he said this morning, Luke was really getting a lot better.
Ashton knew it was because of her. She was so good for him. Ever since he had met her, he had blossomed. His mental and physical health had gotten better, as had his mood and energy. She brought out the best in him and accepted the worst in him. She took no shit but did no harm and was an angel sent from heaven with tiny devil's horns. Short: she was perfect. Perfect for Luke.

Unlike Ashton. Asking Luke to move in six month ago was bordering on insanity in the first place.
But Luke was broken and sad with an addiction and depression and nowhere else to go. He had broken up with his cheating girlfriend and needed to get out of their shared house as fast as possible. So Ashton had offered him to move into his house.

At first Luke had declined, telling Ashton he didn't want to be a burden. But after Ashton had realized how critical Luke's mental state was, Ashton had insisted. Ashton had been terrified to leave Luke to his own devices, completely ignoring his own fucked up mental health in the process.

So all they had done in the first few weeks of living together was cutting each other up on the shards of their broken lifes.

Until Luke had met her at one of their infamous house parties.

And if Ashton would have to pick anyone he'd have to loose Luke to, it'd be her.

But that didn't mean losing him got any easier. But who was he to cry about it. It was his own fault after all.

 

How many times did we run from each other?
How many times did I walk out the door?
Into the dark, we're no good for each other
Into the dark, I'm not welcome no more

'Cause I been spending all this time alone
I'm on the red line, sinkin' after aperol
Another vessel in a winter coat
(Ooh, ooh)

 

The sun had begun to set outside but the glaring dirty yellow light in the subway assaulted his eyes. He could see his tired refection in the glass window and the streetlights flying by outside.

The final stop of the Red Line was approaching fast but he felt no rush to move. He'd just stay put until the subway started it's journey back to where it came from, taking Ashton back to his problems.

His phone buzzed with a text from Michael.

 

Mike US

Ash where are you?

We said we'd meet at the studio today??

 

Ashton sighed and tipped his head back. Great. Now he was at a point where his little problem in his personal life became an issue for his work life as well.

He guessed that was what you got when you decided to hook up with your coworker.

Ashton opened his Dropbox and quickly found what he was looking for. His dept should be payed by that.

 

Sorry mate

but today was just writing anyway, right?

here

* redline.mp3 *

 

Am I just waiting for my time to go?
I hear the whistle for the doors to close
Another vessel in a winter coat
(Ooh, ooh)

 

The reply came a few minutes later.

 

Mike US

love this! this has so much potential!!

but bro why aren't you here and who hurt you this bad??

 

Ashton let out a short bitter laugh before punching in the words he had always known to be true.

 

Mate nothing can hurt me like I hurt myself.

 

Ashton shut his phone off. He leant his head back and closed his eyes, ready for another few hours alone on the Red Line.

 

 

 

 

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH AUDIO ASH SENDS TO MIKE, IT'S THIS ONE:

 

Chapter 12: COMPLETE MESS - Mashton

Summary:

Michael and Ashton are navigating life in their twenties as Forster caretakers of five kids aged six to seventeen. It's exhausting, stressful, but extremely rewarding and Michael wouldn't change it for the world. But when they're suddenly faced with having to take care of a newborn baby, their whole world turns into a complete mess.

It's disaster Mashton dads with a side of Lierra and cool Uncle Cal.

Originally posted: July 2023 on Wattpad

Michael would be lying if he said that he never regretted his life decisions.

Sitting at his kitchen table at 5:30am, he greatly regretted everything that had lead him there. It was too early to be up, and definitely way too early to write a stupid to-do list.

Standing at the stove infront of him was one of the things that made it all more bearable though. Ashton was systematically toasting bread, spreading butter, cutting apples and packing lunchboxes like it was his job.
Which is was.
Sort of.

Small footsteps on the stairs brought Michaels sleepy attention to the real reason why getting up at 5:30 every morning was worth it after all.

"I won!!!," Levi yelled while he slid on his socks over the kitchen tiles and collided with Ashton's side, who wrapped an arm around the six year old boy in a side hug. With the other hand he was still packing lunches.

"Not fair," Maya pouted, who entered the kitchen a few seconds later, "You had a headstart."

"Both of you," Michael said, "We said no running on the stairs."

"He started," Maya muttered and slid into the booth next to Michael.

"I don't want to hear it," Michael scolded his eight year old forster child, "Do you have soccer practice today or is it still cancelled?"

"No, today is practice," Maya nodded, "Can I hang out with Lily before?"

"Let me figure out the logistics with Ash and I'll get back to you, okay?," Michael asked and jotted MAYA- SOCCER 3PM (LILY?) on the paper.

After he sat down the pen, he used his free hand to gently smooth down Mayas wild blonde curls before drawing her in for a side hug.

"Did you have a good night?," he asked and Maya nodded.

"Good. Cereal or toast?," Michael smiled.

"Cereal," Maya smiled.

Michael poured the cereal in a bowl and added milk while he watched Ashton crouch down in front of Levi and place a kiss on his brown curls before handing him a plate with a toast on it.
"Mike can help you with the peanut butter, okay?," he asked and straightened back up.

"I'll try to get the teens to move," Ashton huffed fondly and Michael waved him off while he spread peanut butter on his youngest toast.

Not ten minutes after Ashton had returned to the kitchen, two of "the teens" entered the room.

"Morning Henry, Morning Elay," Michael smiled at the fourteen and fifteen year old entering the kitchen.

"Morning."

"Hey."

"What a beautiful day to be alive," Michael grinned, happy to tease his forster kids who, like him, were nowhere near morning people.

"Don't act like you're a morning person," Elay muttered while they slid into the seat next to Michael.

"We know you're not," Henry added and promptly rested his head on the table top and closed his eyes.

"Hey champ," Ashton said, "No more sleep." Ashton started gently pocking Henrys shoulder until Henry raised his head to glare at him. Ashton swiflty placed a bowl where his head had been resting.

"Mike?," Elay asked quietly, while Ashton and Henry were playfully bickering now.

"Yeah?," Michael sat the pen down and turned his full attention to Elay.

"My black binder is starting to fall apart," they mumbled unhappily.

"Ah, shit," Michael swore, "is it fixable?"

"I tried sewing it but I'm shit at it," Elay said.

"Alright, lay it out for me. I'll see what I can do," Michael said.
Elay nodded small.

"Don't worry, darling. When it's unfixable, we'll get you a new one. As long as you're with us, I'll make sure you always have a binder, okay? I promise," he smiled.

"Thanks, Mike," Elay sounded relived.

"'Course," Michael smiled.
Elay leant their head against his shoulder for a second, a gesture Michael knew Elay liked to do instead of giving hugs. Michaels heart warmed.

"Heyyyy nerds," Sarah, the eldest, announced upon entering the kitchen. She had her backpack slung over her shoulder and strode over to Ashton before placing a piece of paper infront of him and asking, "Can you sign this?"

"What is it?," Ashton asked.

"Bullshit," Sarah said flatly.

"Swear jar!," Maya and Levi yelled.

"It's a reprimand," Ashton glanced at Michael.

"Yeah," Sarah said while digging out a quater and making a point of staring Maya down while dropping it in the swear jar, "Wanna know what for?! Remeber how I told you we have a new PE teacher? He told me to change in the boys changing room. He said he didn't care that my old teacher let me change in a seperate room and that I would not get special treatment. So I told him that I don't want special treatment, I want respectful treatment. And that I wouldn't change in the boys changing room. So now I have a reprimand for "refusing to partake in PE class" yesterday."

"I am not signing this," Ashton said, "you did nothing wrong."

"Oh I know," Sarah put her hands on her hips, "I am going to the principle today and hopefully have her give him a reprimand. I'd just like to have this signed as a backup. But usually Principle Witman is a bad bitc- ...boss and on my side with this."

"Fine," Ashton sighed and grabbed Michaels pen, "But if she's not AT LEAST giving him a reprimand I am going to have a talk with her. Also, if she doesn't do anything about the changing room situation, I'll-"

"It'll be fine, Ash," Sarah said, "Mrs Witman will take care of it, I'm sure." She grabbed the signed paper from Ashton.

"I just hate when people are unfair to you," he crossed his arms over his chest and frowned, "They mess with you, they mess with me."

"Okay papa bear," Sarah chuckled, but her eyes were soft when she gently squeezed Ashtons shoulder.

"Tiana is waiting outside to pick me up. See you later, freaks!" And with that, she was gone.

"Okay, hobbits, it's almost six! Go on, brush your teeth," Ashton ushered them up the stairs, "I'll be right there to help you, Levi!"

Michael scribbled down the last few things on the days to-do-list while Ashton started cleaning away the dishes.

"Alright," Michael looked at the list, "So.. Maya will spend the afternoon with Lily at Sierra and Luke's. I will pick her up from school after her classes end and drop her off with them since Lilys science club is on a field trip and she gets off school earlier today. Honestly, I'm so happy Maya and Lily are in the same class and best fiends."

Ashton huffed fondly while drying off the last bit of dishes. "Because we get free babysitting?," he asked.

"I mean, Luke and Sierra do too," Michael argued.

"That's fair," Ashton nodded, "I agree though. It's nice having the kids be best friends... like we always talked about."

"So I'll pick up Maya from school and then drop her off with Lierra before heading home. Sarah will come home from school around that time, Elay has theater practice after school so she's staying until four, at which time she heads back here with Henry, who's got baseball practice today. Can you pick up groceries on your way home?," Michael went over the schedule of the day.

"Yep," Ashton smiled, "Will do. And I'll pick Levi up from after-school-care on my way home, too."

"Yeah, thank you. Alright," Michael sighed and heaved himself up, "Off to a new day."

He stepped up to Ashton, who was still leaning against the counter. Ashton reached out and drew Michael closer until he was flushed against him with his hands around his waist. Michael put his arms around Ashton's neck.

"Every day a new adventure," he smiled small and pressed a kiss to Michaels lips.

"We did take our motto to heart, didn't we? Most days are a complete mess," Michael mumbled.

"Sure did," Ashton nodded, "Wouldn't change it for the world though."

"Neither would I," Michael smiled.

They shared a few more gentle kisses before Michael eventually broke away.

"I have to get to work," Michael mumbled, "and you have kids to get to school."

Ashton nodded and stole one last kiss.

"I love you," he smiled, "see you tonight."

"Love you too," Michael turned around to grab his back, "See you."

Michael and Ashton had worked their routine out perfectly. They'd wake up the kids and have breakfast together. Then Michael would head out to work at 6a.m. while Ashton got the kids ready and dropped them off at school before he headed to work. Michael would pick up the kids after work around 3pm and wrangle homework and after school activities. Ashton would be home from work between 5 and 6 and they'd cook together and have a family dinner.

It was stressful. And it was a lot. But it was incredibly rewarding, and everything they'd dreamed off since the beginning.

Ashton and Michael had met in college and quickly befriended each other due to their similarities of a) both wanting to become social workers and b) both being kicked out of their parents homes after they came out as queer.

It took them a while to figure out they were idiots in love but ended up together eventually. Inevitable as Luke, who had been Ashton's roommate, loved to repeat.

In their last year of college they started dreaming about building a care system for LGBTQ youth. They soon realized that two twenty-somethings alone couldn't change a whole system and instead became forster caretakers and build this small loving home in a tiny New York flat where they could give their forsterkids a safe space.

Their kids all had different backgrounds and histories, only the older teens were all LGBTQ kids.

There had been a few kids coming and going but six year old Levi, eight year old Maya, fifteen year old Elay, sixteen year old Henry and seventeen year old Sarah had been with Michael and Ashton for a while now.

Maya had been there the longest. She'd joined Ashton and Michael two years ago as a shy, scared 6 year old, taken from her mother because of neglect. And even though Michael would be happy for Maya if she'd finally get adopted into a permanent family, his heart still broke thinking about how she might be taken from him one day. Maya was his baby.

Sarah had been next, at then 15, when she had been kicked out of home by her parents after coming out as trans. Sarah was now about to turn seventeen and Michael and Ashton were beyond proud of her and how far she had come over the last two years.

Shortly after, Henry was assigned to them. He had been kicked out by his single dad because he came out as gay. Henry had warmed up to them over the nine month he'd been with them now.

Elay had been brought to them in a horrible state. They'd been beaten by their alcoholic father and finally managed to run away from home and get help after months of abuse. Despite all of that, Elay had trusted Michael from the beginning and they shared a special bond Michael cherished a lot.

Levi was the newest, at six years old, he had been abandoned by his mother. Handed over to authorities because she was unfit to raise him. Levi had latched onto Ashton immediately and Levi and Maya were inseperable now. Levi was the other kid Michael would have a hard time letting go again.

In conclusion, the current household Clifford - Irwin was Michaels favorite place. He loved all their forster kids and was grateful every day that he was able to make their life's a little less shitty.

Michael went about his day as he had planned it in the morning and was in the car with Maya about to drop her off with Luke and Sierra when he got a call that would turn his whole world upside down.

"Hey Sarah, what's up?," Michael picked up.

"Mike," Sarah sounded distraught and static through the speakers of the car, "There's a baby at our front door."

"What do you mean there's a baby at our front door??," Michael asked irritated and honked at someone swerving in front of him without using the turn signal.

"Literally what I said," Sarah snapped, "Someone left a baby in front of our apartment complex and there's a letter that says Clifford/ Irwin."

"What the fuck," Michael said flatly.

"Fuck," Maya nodded agreeing from her elevated place in her kiddie seat on the passanger side.

"Well, what does the letter say??," Michael asked and swerved lanes without using his turn signal. He got honked at.

"I don't know!," Sarah whined, "Not my name, not my letter!" She repeated one of the Clifford/ Irwin House rules.

"Okay, listen, darling," he calmed down, "Is the baby okay?"

"It's breathing," Sarah muttered, "Can't say anything more specific. I hope it's sleeping and not unconscious."

"Alright, what's it in?," Michael asked.

"A car seat," Sarah said.

"Okay. Take the car seat up into the apartment. I'll drop Maya off with her friend and then I'll be home in ten minutes. Can you do that?," he asked.

"Yep," Sarah said, "but what if the baby wakes up?"

"Sarah, love," he sighed, "The fuck do I know. I never had babies."

"This is great," Sarah muttered, "Guess Google will help me."

"Thanks darling," Michael said, "I'll hurry up, I promise."

"Yeah, okay. See you in a minute, Mike."

"See you!," Michael hung up.

"You have to put two quarters into the swear jar," Maya glared once Michael hung up.

"Swearing is allowed in appropriate situations," Michael muttered.

"Is now appropriate?," she asked.

"If this is what it looks like- absolutely yes," he said.

"Okay. Fuck fucking fuck," Maya smiled.

"Maya. Jesus," Michael said flatly, "Alright, appropriate situation is over now."

When Michael entered his apartment 15 minutes later, it turned out to be exactly what it looked like.

Sarah was sitting at the kitchen table and was staring at the car seat sitting on top of the table.

"Holy shit," Michael swore and carefully approached the baby. It was tiny. The rosy infant was dressed in a onesie and a woolen hat and a blanket was draped over it's legs.

"Here's the letter," Sarah slid over an envelope.

I heard about your Forster family through a friend. Believe me when I say I am doing this because I have no other choice. I've messed with the wrong people and this is the only way to keep Elena safe.
I'll be leaving the country immediately. Please keep my Elena safe.

Michael read over the note two, three times. He kept looking for any clues that this was a joke.

Then for any clues whoever the infant on his kitchen table was.

"I don't get it," he eventually muttered and looked up from the letter to stare at Sarah.

"What does it say?," the teen asked.

"Basically nothing," Michael shook his head, "This doesn't make any sense."

"Whatcha gonna do about this?," she gestured to the car seat.

Michael shook his head and sat down on a kitchen chair.

"Fuuuuck I have no idea," he sighed and tipped his head back. The baby strated gurgling and Michael sat up alarmed.

"No, no," he panicked, "c'mon, go back to sleep!"

He started rocking the car seat and it seemed to help for now. The baby went quiet again.

"I'm gonna call Vanessa," he announced and pulled up the contact of their social worker. The young woman had become a family friend after working with Michael, Ashton and their forster kids for years now.

"Hi Vanessa? Uh this is Michael Clifford," he was still rocking the carrier with one hand, not letting the infant out of sight.

"Oh hey Mike! What's up?," Vanessa asked cheerily.

"Listen, someone left a baby on our doorstep," Michael got straight to the point.

Silence.
"Come again?," she asked.

"Someone," Michael said slowly, "Left. A baby. Infront of. Our. Door."

"Mike, what the hell?," Vanessa swore.

"I have no fucking clue," Michael said desperately, "But now there is a fucking baby in my kitchen and I have no fucking idea what to do."

"Okay shit," Vanessa recovered from her shock, "Was there anything indicating who the baby is?"

"Yep, there was a letter. Her name is Elena, no last name was given. The mother said she's in trouble and leaving the country. Apparently she heard we're a Forster family and dropped her off with us. That's all the information I have on her."

"Okay fuck," Michael heard typing from the other end of the line, "Mike, I'm going to try to find out who the baby is. There's gotta be a clue somewhere. Can you send me a photo of the letter?"

"Yeah, I'll do that. But believe me, there are no clues."

"Okay. Well, I'll also try to find a spot for her in a family with expertise in handling babies. But I am gonna be honest, Mike, that might take a while. Protocol is that the baby needs to be checked over by a doctor. And I'll need to notify the police."

"Really?," Michael huffed, "The fucking cops?"

"Mike...," Vanessa tried.

"No, c'mon Vanessa. I am a gay man forstering kids with my partner, another gay man, and currently home with my Forster child who is a black trans teen. The cops will love that. Totally not gonna try to make this something it's not," Michael spat out.

"Mike," Vanessa said calmly, "I am sorry but I don't have a choice. If there's any way you can take the baby to a doctor now, I could notify the police to meet you there. The kids don't have to be involved."

Michael let out a long sigh. "I'll try to organize something, okay? Can you give me fifteen minutes to figure out child logistics and I'll call you back?"

"Yeah, that works," Vanessa said, "I'll see how far I can come until then."

"Okay. Later," Michael hung up.

"Not the cops," Sarah sighed.

"No, I won't let them come here, I promise," Michael said softly. "But that means I have to take the baby to be check over by a doctor. Like, now. Levi and Maya are taken care of until dinner, but Henry and Elay will be home around four.."

"That's alright, Mike. I got this. We're all old enough to look after ourselves anyway," Sarah smiled.

"Thanks, darling," Michael smiled and let out a long breath. "Now how the hell am I gonna explain this to Ash?!"

Michael decided to send Ashton a text asking him to call him asap.
He then called Vanessa to let her know which doctor he'd be taking the baby to. Vanessa promised to meet him there and tackle the police.

Just when he was done being questioned by the police and the doctor was still checking Elena, his phone started ringing and Ashton's Name flashed across the screen. Michael took a deep breath.

"Hey babe," he picked up the call.

"Hey! What's up? Is everything alright?," Ashton sounded worried.

"No," Michael mumbled. He took another breath.
"Listen, Ash, this will sound mental. But someone left a baby in front of our door this morning."

"What??!"

"Yeah. Sarah found her."

"I don't understand..," Ashton sounded confused.

"Believe me, neither do I," Michael said.

"You're not... not pranking me, right?," Ashton asked hesitantly.

"No," Michael mumbled, "I fucking wish I was."

"O-okay? And what now?," Ashton asked.

"I'm at the doctor's, the baby needs to be checked over. The cops are here too. I don't know what's happening, really. This makes no sense," Michael rambled.

"Hey, okay," Ashton cut in, "Listen, babe, I have one last appointment today and it's about to start. I'll see if I can get off work after that so I'm home earlier. I'll call you then, yeah?"

"Yeah, alright," Michael mumbled.

"Okay. Love you. We'll talk later. Hang in there," Ashton said and hung up.

Michael sighed and slipped the phone back into his pocket before stepping back out of the doctor's office to where Vanessa was talking to a police officer filling out paperwork.

"Mike!," Vanessa yelled and waved him over.
"Mike," she started once he was standing next to her, "Remeber how I said earlier that it'll be hard finding a spot for her?"

"I don't like where this is going," Michael muttered.

"Please Michael," Vanessa whined, "I don't know where else to place her right now! It'll only be for a couple nights. Three nights max."

Michael closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Fine. If it's the only option," he muttered.

"Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you," Vanessa said, "I promise it won't be for long."

"I hope so," Michael huffed, "Because I don't know shit about babies."

Elena was cleared by the doctor a few minutes later and Michael struggled to reinstall the car seat in their minivan. Vanessa told him to keep in contact before she drove off back to the office and Michael drove back home where three noisy teenagers waited for him.

"Oh my god, so it's true," Elay stared at the car seat Michael was carrying in.

"Why would I be lying about this, you potato?," Sarah huffed.

"Is it staying?," Henry asked.

"Only for a couple nights until something else can be arranged," Michael said, "we're not qualified to look after babies."

Elay huffed. "A lot of people who have babies are not qualified for that."

Michaels mouth twitched into a smile.

"Preach," Sarah muttered.

"C'mon, hobbits," Michael ushered them out of the way, "let me put her in the bedroom so you don't wake her up."

Michaels phone started ringing just when he was closing the bedroom door behind him.

"Hey Ash," Michael picked up. Elay and Henry had gone to their rooms and only Sarah lingered in the hallway.

"Hey," Ashton said, "I just left work. I'm at the supermarket now. How's it going over there?"

"Shitty," Michael mumbled and sank down on the kitchen bench, "I have so many questions."

"Have you called Vanessa?," Ashton asked. His voice sounded muffled and Michael knew Ashton probably had his phone jammed between his shoulder and ear so he could use both his hands for more efficient grocery shopping.

"Of course I've called her!," Michael snapped, "Dude that's the first thing I did. She met me and the cops at the doctor's."

"Okay," Ashton answered calmly, "And what does she say?"

"She says they have no idea when or where there is an open spot right now so I'd be best if we could hold onto her for the time being."

"Fucking hell," Ashton mumbled under his breath, "Like she's not a human being."

"Right?," Michael muttered, "But the system is what it is."

"So, what? She thinks we can handle a newborn?," he huffs, "We don't know shit about babies!"

"I know, Ash," Michael's voice got irritated again, "Fucking hell, I don't know. But as long as we have her, at least she's safe and has a roof over her head."

"Shit, okay. I'm heading to the baby section," there was shuffling on the other side of the line, "So what do we need? Diapers? Fuck Mike there are thousands of brands and sizes."
Ashton let out a long breath.

"Do they say ages on them? Doctor said she's about six weeks," Michael asked.

"Uh, yeah. Some do. Is off-brand okay? And formula?," Ashton asked.

"Off brand diapers will do. Go by age again for formula," Michael held up a hand to silence Sarah who was now wildly gesturing.

"Okay. Anything else?," Ashton asked.

"Well, we don't have shit. Think we can make a bed out of an old toddler bed? We have a change of clothes and a bottle. What, Sarah?"

"The baby woke up," she frowned.

"Sounds okay. Listen, I'll pick up Levi and come home now," Ashton said, "If we figure we need something else, we can always run to the neighborhood store again. Hopefully it'll only be for a night or two."

"Okay, yeah," Michael mumbled while he followed Sarah, "See you soon."

"Yeah. Love you," Ashton said and hung up.

Ashton came home twenty minutes later while Michael still tried to calm the crying baby down.

"Hey," Ashton mumbled upon entering the bedroom and came straight over to Michael's side.

"I don't know what's wrong," Michael frowned, "she's been crying since we got off the phone."

"Maybe she's hungry. Here, let me take her for a while," he carefully took the baby from Michael and started rocking her.

"Should I try making formula?," Michael asked.

"Yeah, maybe. Worth a try," Ashton nodded.
By the time Michael had the bottle ready, Ashton had managed to calm the crying baby down. He was standing at the window with her and talking in a soft hushed voice. Michael knew Elena wouldn't understand what Ashton said but he still felt a warm and fuzzy feeling spreading through his chest upon seeing Ashton with her.

"Here," he stepped up to Ashton and handed over the bottle. Ashton took a few tries to get Elena to latch on to the bottle but then she was happily sucking away.

Michael let out a long breath and leant his forehead against Ashton's shoulder.

"Sorry you had to handle this alone," Ashton mumbled.

"It's alright," Michael looked up, "it's just a lot to wrap my head around. This is a complete fucking mess."

Ashton nodded and leant in to press a kiss to Michaels lips.
The doorbell went off.

"What's that? Another baby?," Ashton barely surpressed his grin.

"Too fucking early to joke about that," Michael glared at him, "that'd be Luke dropping Maya off."

Michael turned to get the door. "Thinking about it, Luke's basically a baby."

He heard Ashton huff out a quiet laugh before he shut the bedroom door and went to open the apartment door.

"Hey," Luke beamed, flanked by Maya and Lily.

"Hi Mike," Maya grinned and wrapped her arms around Michaels torso, hugging him.

"Hey darling," Michael smiled and buried his hand in her wild blonde locks, brushing through them, "Hi, Luke, hey Lily. How's it going?"

"Great," Lily beamed a gappy smile at him. She looked so much like Luke it sometimes hurt Michaels brain to look at her.

And then it clicked in Michael's head. Luke had done this before. Luke could help them.

"Actually, Luke, do you wanna come in for a moment?," he asked and stepped aside to let Maya in.

"Sorry mate, Sierra is waiting -," he started but Michael stopped him.

"Please," he said intently, "code red." Luke frowned and looked at Michael for a second before softly nudging Lily forward. "Lils, you get five more minutes with Maya, okay? But then we're leaving."

Lily nodded viciously and promptly disappeared past Michael into the apartment.

"So?," Luke asked quietly while kicking off his shoes. Michael motioned for him to follow and they made their way to Michael and Ashton's bedroom where Ashton was sitting on the bed next to the car seat Elena was dozing in.

"What the fuck," Luke mumbled flatly when he caught sight of the baby, "where the hell did you get that?"

"Luke that's just rude," Ashton frowned.

Luke put his hands up, still staring at the infant. "Seriously, though? I can't keep up."

"Someone left her on our doorstep this morning. As long as there's no room for her in a family with experience with babies, we need to look after her. But we have no fucking clue how," Michael explained quietly.

"Oh my god," Luke breathed softly, and carefully approached the gurgling baby.

"Do you know who she is?," Luke asked quietly.

"We know she's called Elena. And that she's six weeks old. Police and child protection service are working on finding her parents but I see little hope in that," Michael explained.

"Jesus Christ," Luke muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, and now we're responsible for a tiny human being and we have never done this before and we are kinda a little lost," Ashton muttered.

"I don't even know how to hold a baby. Or change diapers," Michael stressed.

"Hey, okay, don't stress out," Luke soothed, "I can show you a few things, yeah?"

"Don't stress? Easy for you to say! You've done this twice already! And it's not just that," Michael mumbled miserably, the stress of the day finally catching up with him, "we also have five other kids to look after."

"Mike," Luke took a step toward Michael and waited for Michael to look at him, "Hey. Listen, you've got this. Let me just call Sierra to let her know Lily and me will be late and didn't get murdered and then I will show you a few things that'll make it easier to handle the baby. And if you want to, we can take Maya tonight. Lily and her haven't had a sleepover in a while anyway. We could take Levi too."

"No, that's alright," Ashton said softly, "Levi is downright exhausted after a field trip. He'll pass out soon, I think. If you could take Maya though, that'd be amazing."

"Of course," Luke nodded, "I'mma call Sierra quickly. I'll be right back."

While Luke was in the hallway on the phone, Elena started crying again. Michael went over to the car seat and picked her up as careful as possible.

"What the fuck are you doing!," Luke hissed and hurried over to Michael's side, "Fucking hell mate, support the head!" He took the baby from Michael in one swift motion and placed her on his shoulder.

"Dude I have never done this before!," Michael stressed.

"C'mon, Mike! Everyone knows you need to support a baby's head!"

"Not true!," Michael snapped and looked at Ashton who had reentered the room.

"I knew," Ashton shrugged.

"Why is she crying?," Michael brushed it off.

"I don't know! What did you do before I got here?," Luke asked.

"I fed her a bottle," Ashton looked uncertain.

"Okay. Get me a towel. An old one. One that she can vomit on," Luke instructed. Ashton looked bewildered but went off to get a towel.
The two men watched in awe as Luke handled the baby like a pro and gently burped her before putting her back down.

Luke showed them a couple more basic things and then they were left to their own devices for the night.

"Do you think that's okay?," Michael asked quietly and eyed the makeshift cot they had built out of an old toddler bed and pointains of blankets in the corner of their bedroom.

"She can't fall out," Ashton shrugged, "and she's warm. Looks okay to me."

Michael stared at the sleeping baby.
"Dude, we're so bad at this," Michael muttered.

"Come on," Ashton snug an arm around Michaels waist and drew him closer, "that's not true. I think we managed okay for now."

Michael smiled and wrapped his arms around Ashton's shoulders, his fingers playing with the hair in his neck.
Ashton leant in and placed a soft kiss on Michaels lips.

The first night was a struggle. Elena kept waking them up every other hour. Most of the time, Michael and Ashton couldn't figure out what Elena was crying about. It took them up to an hour to calm her down, much to the dismay of the other members of the household.

In the early morning hours, Michael decided he was done trying to sleep. He picked up the crying baby and went into the kitchen where he put her in the car seat and prepared a bottle of formula for Elena and a coffee for himself. Ashton followed a few minutes later.

"Hey babe," he stepped up behind Michael and wrapped his arms around the younger man.

"Hey," Michael mumbled, "Go back to sleep. I got it."

Ashton dropped a kiss to the base of Michaels neck and rested his cheek in the crook of his neck.

"I'd rather stay right here," he mumbled back.

Michael smiled to himself and finished preparing the formula and two cups of coffee. He then turned around so his back was against the counter and his front was pressed against Ashton.

As if Ashton had only been waiting for this, he instantly attached his lips to Michaels. Michael happily followed Ashton's lead.
The morning kisses were cut short by Michael having to stifle a yawn.

Ashton smiled.

"Rough night," he nodded.

"Fucking horrible," Michael mumbled.

"At least it's Saturday, so no work," Ashton argued.

"And no school. So kids home all day," Michael reminded him.

"We'll manage," Ashton dropped a kiss on Michaels forehead, "We always do."

They did manage to put Elena back to sleep and cuddled up on the couch to watch TV. Ashton fell asleep on Michaels chest for a while until Levi came wandering down the stairs.

"Hey buddy," Michael smiled at the sleepy boy, "Good morning."

Levi promptly climbed on the couch and snuggled up to Michaels other side where he fell asleep again.

Elena decided she'd had enough sleep around 8am and disturbed their little bubble of sleepy cuddles. Ashton got up to get her and Michael took Levi to the kitchen where he started preparing breakfast while Levi rambled to him about a dream he'd had.

Ashton came in not much later with Elena in one arm and his vibrating phone in the other hand. Ashton held it out to Michael, careful not to wake the sleeping baby again. Luke's name flashed across Ashton's phone.

"Hey Luke, it's Mike," Michael answered and flipped a pancake.

"You sound cheery! How's the night been?," Luke asked.

"Horrible," Michael smiled, "absolutely horrible. I'm gonna put you on speaker so Ash can hear you."

"Look," Lukes voice sounded distorted through the speakers, "Sierra had a good idea."

"She usually does," Ashton nodded and gently rocked Elena.

"You can have our old travel cot. It's easy to set up and will do for the time being. We can also borrow you some onesies and basic baby supplies," Luke explained.

"Luke, that would be amazing," Ashton smiled relieved.

"Yeah. Do you wanna come over for brunch?," Michael asked.

"Sounds good. We'll bring the kids and the baby stuff," Luke said, "Do you already know how long she's gonna stay with you?"

"Only until Tuesday, hopefully," Michael sighed and wished it to be true, "Vanessa promised to find a family until then."

The second night was worse than the first.
Even though Luke and Sierra had shown them tricks to calm Elena down, and ways to tell what she needed, or what she was upset about, they were still overwhelmed to say the least.

On the third night, Ashton and Michael were dead tired, the teens annoyed. Levi had crawled into their bed after being woken up for the third time and started crying every time Elena woke them up.

Michael was yet again standing in the quiet living room and bouncing a crying baby in his arms at two am. Ashton had been up an hour ago and fed Elena. Michael had been up another hour before to change her diaper. There was no obvious reason for her to be crying again.

Michael tried to steady his shaking hands but he had long stopped wiping his wet cheeks. A soft hiccup would slip past his lips occasionally but they mixed in with Elena's and so it didn't matter.

Michael saw a shadow appear in the hallway and then Ashton stepped into the dim light of the living room. Without a word, he came over, took Elena from him and drew him closer against his chest.

Ashton was holding Elena with one arm and running a hand up and down Michaels back in a soothing manner while Michael quietly cried into Ashton's shirt.

"Why are we doing this?," Michael asked shakily and eventually drew away. Elena had finally calmed down too.

"We don't know how to do this. We have five other kids to look after. That's the third time tonight she's been crying for no goddamn reason. I'm so," Michaels voice was thick with tears again, " I'm so tired."

"Me too," Ashton mumbled, "me too, babe."

Michael stubbornly wiped his cheeks dry with the sleeve of his sweater.
"I don't know what she wants. It's frustrating. I.. I want to give her what she needs but how the fuck am I supposed to know what the fuck she's crying for."

"It's only one more night," Ashton mumbled, "we got this."

"I don't know," Michael shook his head, "I'm exhausted."

"I know," Ashton nodded, "C'mon. Let's go back to bed."

Morning came and Elena actually let the family sleep through the last 2½ hours before Michael's alarm went off at 5:30, because he had forgotten to shut it off. Today was Memorial Day, so no work.

Now that Michael had had a bit of rest, the whole situation wasn't as bad anymore. He picked Elena up and changed her.

She was watching him the whole time and Michael couldn't resist the urge to boop her tiny nose once he was done. Elenas mouth tugged up into a smile and she let out happy gurgles.
Michaels heart fucking melted right out of his chest.

Even though it was exhausting and extremely frustrating to look after the newborn, Michael couldn't deny that he had grown a bit attached to the tiny girl that had been left on their doorstep. Some weird protective instinct had kicked in and the fucking button nose and big eyes didntyhelp the matter one bit. Michael tried not to linger on it though, since Elena would be moving on to another family very soon.

Since it was Memorial weekend, the kids had no school today, even though it was a Monday. Michael and Ashton prepared food and called everyone down to have a family breakfast.

After that, the teens retreated back to their rooms while Ashton and Michael played games with Maya and Levi. Maya got bored after a while and wanted to draw with her colored pencils instead, so Michael got up to do some laundry while Ashton got started on helping Levi with his homework.

Michaels phone started vibrating on the washing machine and he frowned when he saw the name flashing across the screen.

"Hey Vanessa," Michael secured the phone between his ear and shoulder so he had both hands to bring over a stack of washed laundry to the kitchen table for sorting and folding.

"Hey Mike, how's it going?," Vanessa asked cheerily.

"Good so far," Michael answered and mouthed 'Vanessa' at Ashton, "Better that expected."

"Good to hear," she said, "Mike, listen, I'm calling because of Elena's transfer tomorrow."

"Yeah, I figured," Michael said.

"So, there was an emergency today. The spot that was supposed to be Elena's was taken up by another infant for who we had no Backup. I'm really really sorry, Michael, and I understand that it's stressful and inconvenient for Ashton and you but.. is there any way Elena could stay with you for another couple of days?"

"What the hell," Michael said flatly.

"I'm sorry, Mike," Vanessa said again, "I wouldn't ask you if there was another way."

"I, uhh," Michael stuttered. His eyes flicked up to Ashton but the older man was busy explaining a math problem to Levi.

"Y-yeah. Yes, okay, we can somehow make that work, yeah," he eventually said, "fuck, you owe us. I swear."

"God, Mike," Vanessa let out a relieved breath, "You're a lifesaver. Thanks! And tell Ashton I say thank you too. I'll call you as soon as I have an update on the situation, okay? I promise we'll find a solution very soon."

"What are we supposed to do with her when Ash and I go to work tomorrow, though?," Michael asked.

"I'll organize a spot at daycare for her. That's the least I can do for you," Vanessa said, "I'll text you the datils later."

"Yeah, okay," Michael said, "Bye Vanessa."

"Bye Mike!"

Michael hung up and slowly lowered his phone.

"Alright?," Ashton asked after a moment. Michael slowly looked up at Ashton.

"Uhh," he said softly, "there was an emergency. Elena's spot isn't open anymore. We...," he scratched his chin nervously, "I kinda agreed to us taking care of her for another couple of days?"

"Oh," Ashton sounded surprised, "Okay?"

"Sorry, I should've asked you-," Michael rushed out.

"No!," Ashton cut him off, "No, Mike, hey. It's okay. Of course we'll take care of her. There's no other solution right now and we're not about to chuck her out on the street."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Michael mumbled, "The teens will hate us though."

Ashton waved him off. "I think they secretly love the baby."

Michael hummed. "She is cute. Just fucking annoying and frustrating half of the time."

Elena was scheduled to stay with them for another week. The week flew by in the blink of an eye. Michael and Ashton had worked out a routine with Elena and by now Michael thought he could hear slight differences in Elena's crying which told him what she was crying about.
Maybe that was wishful thinking though.

Despite all the night terrors, the other kids in the Clifford/ Irwin household loved Elena and took every opportunity they got to fuss about her. Sarah would even volunteer to give her a bottle at least once a day.

On Friday night, Michael found himself lost in his thoughts and torn between his head and his heart. Elena would finally be transferred to another family on Monday, after staying with them for almost two weeks.

Michael tried his best to push that thought away stay rational. The rational thing was to let Elena move on to a family who knew how to take care of her. But in some moments, Michael just couldn't think about her leaving his little family again.

In the quiet moments when Elena was happy and sleepy and holding his pointer finger with her tiny fist. Or when Ashton softly rocked her sang her to sleep. Or when Elay played peekaboo with her, or when Sarah had come down the stairs on the third day and announced that she'd crocheted a "dope ass Beanie" for Elena, which ended up being a vibrant green frog face bucket heat. Or when he had walked into the living room last night and found Ashton asleep on the couch with Elena on his chest and he about fucking lost it because it was just too fucking cute.

Michael didn't mean to ask the question but it slipped past his lips before he could stop it.

"Do you think they'll take good care of her?"

It was way too late to have these conversations. In fact, it was nearing three a.m. and his brain was partly fogged over from sleep. He was in their small living room, curled up on the ancient couch they had been able to keep after Ashton's grandma had passed. Michaels head was resting against Ashton's shoulder while Ashton had an arm wrapped around Michael. In his other arm he was holding the sleeping Elena. Michael couldn't keep his eyes off her face, so peaceful when she was sleeping. Her tiny nose kept scrunching up and she let out soft noises in her sleep.

"I bet they will," Ashton mumbled and dropped a kiss to Michaels forehead.

Michael eyes slowly glided shut and he let out a long sigh.

"I kinda don't want to give her away," he mumbled, almost wishing Ashton wouldn't hear him.
But Ashton did.

"We have to," Ashton mumbled, "it's what's best for all of us."

Michael nodded after a moment. "Yeah. I guess we do."

"Believe me," Ashton hummed, "I've grown attached to her too. But there's no way for us to keep her unless we adopt her."

Michael stilled for a moment and then blinked his sleepy emerald eyes open. He turned his head to be able to look at Ashton with big eyes.

"No," Ashton huffed and turned his face away, "Mike, no. We're not doing this right now. Go to sleep."

Michael's eyes slid shut again and he cuddled closer to Ashton's side.

"I love you," Michael mumbled.

"I love you too," Ashton assured him.

***

Saturday passed uneventful and Michael found himself in the kitchen with Ashton after they had put Maya, Levi and Elena to bed.

"Can I use your laptop for a second?," Michael asked, already reaching for Ashton's laptop.

"Yeah, 'course," Ashton mumbled.

Michael opened the laptop and unlocked it. The browser had been left open by Ashton and Michaels heart skipped a beat when he realized what Ashton had been looking up on Google.

"Ash?," Michael asked softly while a warm feeling spread through his chest.

"Yeah?," Ashton was still busy cleaning out the dishwasher.

Michael didn't know what to say. His heart was beating fast and his head started spinning.

At the lack of an answer, Ashton turned around and frowned upon seeing Michael scanning over the laptop screen.

"What?!," Ashton asked again, panic lacing his voice while he dropped the towel and came over to look at what Michael had found on his laptop.

Once he was at Michaels side and glanced at the screen, he visibly relaxed.

"Oh," he said softly.

Michael turned his head to glance up at Ashton.

"After that reaction from you I wonder what you thought I had found?," Michael teased.

"Uh," Ashton blushed a bit, "Your birthday present."

"Ohh," Michael grinned, "Good to know. I'll do some more digging in your browser history then."

"Mike, noooo c'mon," Ashton whined, "it's a surprise."

"Okay can we go back to where you've been looking up the requirements for adopting a child?," Michael asked instead.

"I.. yeah," Ashton shrugged, "You.. I mean, the way you reacted last night after I blurted it out... I figured you'd want to.."

"I want to?," Michael chuckled, "I'm not the one looking up how to adopt!"

Ashton rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Mike. Have you seen her? How the fuck can you not fall in love with her. She's the cutest thing on the planet," he started defending himself.

"And the most annoying, at times," Michael muttered.

"True," Ashton wrinkled his nose, "anyway, it was just... out of curiosity. Nothing serious. I just read up on some shit because I realized I have no clue how adoption would work for us."

"Okay," Michael looked back at the screen, "let's see." He scootched over on the kitchen bench and Ashton hesitantly sat down in the empty spot.

"You must be a U.S. Citizen," Michael read out, "Check."
"If you are unmarried, you must be at least 25 years old. Check. If you are married, you must jointly adopt the child, and your spouse must also be either a U.S. citizen or in legal status in the United States...," Michael trailed off, "wait... Can we adopt a child together without being married then, or, like, can only one of us adopt the child then?"

Ashton frowned at the screen. "Don't know," he mumbled.

Michael turned back to the screen and continued reading.
"You must meet certain requirements that will determine your suitability as a prospective adoptive parent, including criminal background checks, fingerprinting, and a home study," Michael read aloud, "Well that should be a piece of cake since we had that done to become Forster caretakers."

Ashton nodded.

Michael let out a long breath and looked at Ashton.
Ashton looked back and held his gaze.

"We're crazy to consider this," Michael whispered.

"We definitely are," Ashton mumbled back.

"We shouldn't decide right now," Michael mumbled.

"No, definitely not," Ashton shook his head.

"Okay," Michael said, "Maybe I could ask Vanessa about this too. She should know details and shit."

"Good idea," Ashton nodded.

"And I'll also ask her about the marriage thing," Michael remembered.

Ashton hesitated.

"What?," Michael asked.

"Marry me," Ashton whispered.

Michael laughed softly. "I already said yes, you moron," he chuckled, "Remeber how we got engaged two years ago?"

"Exactly," Ashton said, "Two years ago. Let's get to it."

"Wow, romance never dies," Michael playfully rolled his eyes.

"I'm just saying," Ashton pouted, "I finally want to call you my husband."

"Aww," Michael cooed and leaned up to press a soft kiss to Ashton's lips. "Okay," he whispered against Ashton's lips, "if we do this, we'll get married first so we can do it right from the start."

Ashton smiled and leant back in to seal their lips together.

***

"We're insane," Ashton sighed and leant back in the kitchen chair.

"I know," Michael nodded, "but we're in too deep."

The kitchen was lit dimly and the house was quiet at this late hour.

"Like, yeah, it's fucking scary. And maybe we're biting off more than we can chew. But... could you imagine not doing it? Giving her away forever?"

Ashton stared at the tabletop for a very long moment and Michael heart started feeling heavy when finally, Ashton softly shook his head.

"We've always talked about wanting kids someday. What if this is the universe sending us a sign that now is someday?," Ashton spoke softly, "I want to do this. I want to figure this out with you. You, and me, and Ellie."

Michael looked back at Ashton whose eyes were soft and full of love and his heart beat right out of his chest.

"I love you," Michael mumbled, "I love you. And I'm ready for this new chapter with you."

There was shuffling at the door and then it softly clicked open. Someone came in, shut the door again and kicked off shoes before Sarah appeared in the doorframe.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hi," Michael smiled, "had a good dinner party?"

"Yeah, the food was so fucking good and Lola's new place is really cozy" Sarah smiled, "what are you two doing up so late?"

Ashton softly shook his head.
"Thinking," he said.

"I'm intrigued," Sarah raised an eyebrow.

"We're about to do something really stupid," Michael said.

"Do continue," Sarah stepped into the kitchen and sat down on the edge of the bench.

"We're looking to adopt Elena," Ashton said.

Sarah grinned. "I can see where this is stupid but it's also really fucking cute."

"It's gonna be fucking tough," Michael rubbed his eyes, "but she's got us wrapped around her finger."

"I think you'll manage," Sarah said, "you're always making everything work. And you've got us for help and babysitting."

Michael smiled softly at her. "Thanks, darling. We appreciate that."

Sarah waved him off.

"So," Michael said quietly, "getting married?"

"Yeah, finally," Ashton grinned.

"What are you talking about?," Sarah asked irritated.

"Being married makes the whole adoption process a lot less complicated," Michael explained, "And since we've been engaged for two years now, we might as well."

"Ha," Sarah snorted, "Sooooo you'll have a shotgun wedding because there's a baby on the way? I feel like I'm in history class!"

"Shut up," Michael glared at her, "this is different."

"No, I know," Sarah still laughed, "It's still funny. But finally you two get married. Long overdue."

"Exactly my point," Ash grinned at Sarah.

"We'll get properly married later this year," Michael said, "right now we just go to the county and have a small ceremony. We'll have a real reception and big party and shit later."

"We'll need one witness each," Ashton threw in.

"Well, you'll have Luke," Michael said, "right? And I'll call up Cal."

"Hell yes!," Sarah raised her fist, "I love Uncle Cal. I haven't seen him in forever!"

"Yeah 'cause he's always touring with his band," Michael muttered.

"Isn't he touring Europe right now? How will he be able to attend our wedding?," Ashton asked.

"Oh, he'll be there," Michael waved him off, "he promised once to drop everything he's doing when I get married. He's my platonic soulmate, dude. Malum forever."

"Preach," Sarah muttered.

"I'm still sad him and Luke didn't end up together," Ashton said.

"Calums crush on Luke was pathetic," Michael rolled his eyes, "I had to endure him talking about Luke 24/7. At one point I threatened to ask the college housing administration to pair me with another roommate."

Ashton laughed.

"Well, we should try to schedule a time and date at the county soon," Ashton said.

Said and done. Michael found himself Infront of a county official two weeks later on a hot Saturday afternoon in early June. He was flanked on one side by Ashton and Luke, on the other side by Calum.

In a row of chairs behind him were Sarah, Elay, Henry, Maya, Lily, Levi, Sierra and Jamie, Luke's and Sierras youngest son, and Calums current girlfriend.

The wedding ceremony was quick and they went to a park with a small lake to celebrate the newly Weds. Calum and Luke had organized food and drinks and they sat together and talked and the kids played and swam and Michael couldn't have imagined a more perfect day for his wedding.

Once the paperwork was through, the real adoption process began. Ashton and Michael endured everything with angelic patience and their teenage kids helped them wherever they could.

Michael and Ashton tried to keep Levi and Maya out of the mess as much as possible but Maya eventually started asking questions and Michael tried to explain the whole situation to her as simple as possible over dinner one night.

"So, are you gonna be Ellie's dad now?," Maya asked small. She had gotten apple sauce all over the table top and Michael chuckled before he reached over to the paper napkins.

"Sweets, what have you done?," he laughed and wiped down the table and Maya's hands.

"It's so sticky," Maya scrunched up her little nose.

"Heyyy," Ashton came into the kitchen, "got any pancakes left?"

"Yeees," Maya pointed at the plate in the middle, "I left some for Levi and you!" She smiled proudly.

"Aww, thanks, baby," Ashton smiled at Maya and winked at Michael before he sat down next to Michael, "Levi will be very happy you thought of him when he gets home from his playdate."

"So are you gonna be Ellie's dads?," Maya asked again.

"Yeah," Michael nodded, "Ash and me are gonna be Ellie's dads soon."

Maya nodded and stuffed another piece of pancake in her mouth. Michael could see her thinking hard. He exchanged a look with Ashton.

"What's on your mind?," Michael asked softly, smoothing down her blonde curls.

Maya put her fork down and stared at her plate for a moment.

"Can you be my dads too?," she eventually asked softly.

Michaels breath caught in his throat and his heart fluttered.

"I-," he looked over at Ashton who wore a big smile on his face.

"Please," Maya begged, "I don't want to be brought to another home. I love you. I want to stay with you forever."

Michaels heart clenched in his chest and his instinct told him to wrap the small girl in his arms and promise her to never let her go again. But this wasn't a decision he could make alone.
Again, his eyes wandered over to Ashton and he raised a questioning eyebrow and the smile on Ashton's face said more than a thousand words.

"Maya, baby," Michael opened his arms and Maya immediately scootched over into them, "I promise you, we will never let them take you away from here if you don't want to."

"We love you," Ashton added, "so much. And we would be so honored to be your dads."

Maya clung closer to Michael.

"Levi has to stay with us, too," Maya mumbled small.

"We'll discuss that with him, okay?," Michael muttered and dropped a kiss to Maya's wild hair.

"Okay," Maya whispered, "Can I call you dad then, too?"

"Sweetie, you can call me whatever you want," he hugged her closer, "We love you, sunshine."

"Love you too, Dad," Maya mumbled.

Chapter 13: SUPERNATURALS

Summary:

No ship, just Michael waking up to realize he was part of a supernatural special force team now.
Featuring Warlock Michael, Vampire Luke, Fairy Ashton and Werewolf Calum.

Originally posted: Feburary 2018 on Wattpad

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was a thumping headache.

A thumping headache and a sharp pain in his hand.

The second thing he noticed was a strange, foreign smell surrounding him, a mix of lavender and burned coffee, and voices coming from downstairs.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and snapped them back shut almost immediately. Bright light was shining directly into his face.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and slowly blinked the sleep out of his eyes.

His breath caught in his throat as soon as he was able to focus on his surroundings.

He was in a room, walls painted white and floor made of pale wood, with a single tiny window on the top of the wall next to him. With a jolt of horror he realized that the room had no door.

Nothing but the mattress Michael was laying on was placed in the room.

His worn out Jean Jacket was tossed next to the mattress on the ground.

He felt his muscles tighten and cold sweat breaking out on his whole body.

Where was he, how did he end up here and what the fuck was he doing here?

He recalled walking home from college and the next thing he remembered was waking up here.

Looking down at his hand he saw a number etched into his skin on the back of his left hand, causing the sharp stinging he had felt earlier. It seemed like someone had burned the digits into his skin.

641.

He got up and went over to the wall to start knocking and pushing against the cement in search of a hidden door. There must be something, after all he had gotten into the room someway. After coming up with nothing he tried the window. But it was sealed shut with no possible way to get it open.

He sank to the ground, his mind was racing and he was frantically searching for an explanation, or a way to wake up from this nightmare.

He didn't know what it was that made him do the next thing, maybe it was the shock and fear, maybe an instinkt, but he scrambled to his feet and ran towards the wall, full speed.

He screwed his eyes shut but the crash never came.

Instead he was standing in a dimly lit hallway with doors going off on either sides of it.

And a few feet in front of him stood a boy who was looking at him startled.

He was wearing black skinny jeans, vans and a grey, loose fitting shirt with the words BITE ME sprawled across the front in bold, bloodred letters. His skin was pale and smooth, his bluish veins slightly visible through it like it was made out of thin fragile paper.

His hair was a blonde mess of curls on his head, his eyes were a very light, pale blue and his dark pink lips were slightly agape.

The two boys just stared at each other for a solid minute before the blonde boy snapped out of his daze.

"Uh.. hey.. how did you get here?"

"I don't know?! I woke up in this creepy room with no door and ran through a wall and now I landed here."

The second those words left his mouth he wished he could take them back in because he realized he must sound mental.

"Oh... okay cool. Hey then, I'm Luke and I'm a vampire if you couldn't tell. We weren't expecting another one but hey, now we're a team of four.. yay?," Luke smiled and laughed slightly.

"You're WHAT??"

"A Team of four now..? If you're the last one anyway-"

"No! I mean what did you say before that?!"

"I'm a vampire..? Dude you must've seen a vampire before, you're a warlock! Warlocks travel around all the time and you're immortal so I can't possibly be the first vampire you meet, can I?"

He stared at Luke, not sure if Luke wanted to make fun of him or if he was being dead serious.

Luke sighed.

"Nevermind. Come downstairs with me and meet the others!" Luke moved towards the stairs at the end of the corridor but the other boy was glued to the floor, not moving and inch and absolutely not intending to follow Luke. Luke sighed and grabbed the older boys hand to softly drag him downstairs. He shivered as he came in contact with Luke's icy cold hand and looked down to where Luke's pale fingers hand closed around his wrist.

621.

The black letters stood out on his white skin like burn marks on fresh paper.

Luke led him down the stairs and around a corner into a big open living space with a big couch and comfy looking armchairs arranged around a coffee table in front of a big flat screen TV.

Sprawled across the sofas were two other boys.

One of them was sitting cross-legged on the couch surrounded by cushions. He had a book in his lap and his hazel eyes looked at him from underneath a mop of wild curls which were held back by a bandana. The tips of his ears were pointed and his fair skin had a constant greenish glow to it.

Lounging in one of the armchairs was a tanned boy, tattooed and really muscular. He had dark hair and dark eyes, though the Iris was surrounded by a glowing golden circle. He looked at him, eyebrows knitted together.

"Look who I found upstairs! His room had no door, I suppose that was kind of his challenge to get into the team or something. So," Luke was turning to him, "this is Ashton, a seelie and this is Calum. He's a werewolf if you couldn't tell. Guys, this is...." His voice trailed off when he noticed he never asked for the newbies name.

But the warlock boy couldn't care less. He yanked his arm free from Luke's grip and sprinted back upstairs, taking two steps at a time and flinging himself against the wall, hoping it would work again.

It did indeed and after he was back in his room he picked up his jacket and frankly searched the pockets for his phone. Coming up with nothing he searched the whole room, which took him less than 30 seconds due to the lack of furniture.

Now he was standing in the middle of the room, his body tense and his breathing heavy. He clenched and unclenched his sweaty palms and tried to make sense out of the whole situation.

"Hey! Hey please open up," he heard Luke's voice echoing through the empty room, though it sounded muffled through the wall, "Please! I know it doesn't make sense to you right now but we will help you! I promise! Just give it time.."

And then, everything went black.

 

***

 

"Are you okay?," Luke asked and looked at Michael with a concerned look in his eyes. It was later that day, maybe even the day after he woke up in the strange room, Michael lost track of time. After he passed out he had spent what felt like eternity sitting on the mattress trying to figure out his situation but couldn't find an explanation for anything that was going on.

"No?!," Michael exclaimed, his mouth muffled from where he had his head buried in his arms that were crossed on the smooth wooden surface of the table. Luke remained silent.

Michael eventually snapped his head up and gripped Luke's wrist, turning it around so the back of Luke's hand was on display.

"And what's this?!," Michael asked.

"A number. Well more like a code. The first digit is the number of our team. Team six. The second digit is our personal number. I am 621, the second one to arrive here. You're 641, the fourth, Calum was first here, he's 611 and Ash is 631. The last digit is our district. Los Angeles, district one."

"How do you know all this?," Michael stared at Luke who was taking sips from a straw stuck in a glass filled with a dark red liquid. Michael was aware what was in there and he felt sick thinking about it.

"Research," Ashton said from his spot on the couch and held up a book,"We are part of a 'supernatural police'. Our task is to help. To rescue. To hunt the bad. All if this started about two hundred years ago in LA when other Supernaturals were killing humans for fun. That's why we are district one, because everything started here. George Kourtney, who was a fey himself, saw what was happening and asked for help. He went to the great ones, how we Supernaturals call our loved ones who passed away, and with their help, he found the first group of chosen ones to fight against Supernaturals who were killing humans for fun. That's what legends say anyway. Ever since that day, a new guard is chosen by George Kourtney himself, a great one now of course, whenever one member of the former team dies. And it seems like we are the new chosen ones. For LA at least. There are teams of chosen ones all over the world."

That was certainly too much information for Michael. He was sitting at the table, motionless, for a long long time. Just as Luke was getting worried and scolded Ashton for "breaking Michael", Michael seemed to have suppressed the given information and his brain started working again.

"Well this must have been a mistake then," Michael said flatly.

"What?," Luke asked curiously. Michael didn't know how old Luke was, but he looked young. About seventeen, maybe younger, his eyes were innocent and his features still more childlike than adult. But deep down, Michael was aware that Luke was faster and stronger than him and could kill him in a matter of seconds if he pleased.

"I'm not a Supernatural," Michael frowned.

"Yes, you are."

"No, Luke. I am not. I have never ever done something supernatural, nor have I believed in supernatural creatures until I was dragged here. I am not special and certainly do not belong here," Michael said.

"You are a warlock, Michael," Ashton chimed in, his glasses were pushed up high on the bridge of his nose and his wild curls sprang free from his bandana and pooled around the pointed tips of his ears.

"I am not," Michael sighed, getting tired of the conversation.

"I can smell it," Ashton said, "You're a warlock. Powerful too, for what it's worth."

"Smell it??," Michael was more and more aware of how messed up his situation was and that he had to get out of the house as soon as possible. First those people kidnapped him and now they were telling him they smelled him.

"Yeah. It's a fey thing, we have very good senses. Vampires smell like berries and black pepper. Werewolves smell like Lemongrass and driftwood, warlocks smell like lavender and burned coffee. We, the fey,smell like rain and rose petals, mermaids and other creatures of the ocean mostly smell like salt and rotten plants. I could go on and on but you look like you've heard enough..," Ashton grinned.

"I am gonna be honest with you," Michael said calmly, "I don't believe any of the stuff you guys told me. Like at all. There's no such thing as vampires or werewolves, and I would like to leave now. So excuse me.."

"Well, you should believe us. It's true."

"I will prove it," Luke said and smiled at Michael. He walked over to the fridge and opened one of the doors. After grabbing a bag of something that looked terribly much like blood, he came back to the table. He let his fangs snap out before he happily dug them into the plastic bag and began sucking.

Michael had gone pale and he felt sick as the copper smell of blood wavered towards him.

The door of the house slammed open and in walked Calum.

He looked pissed. His eyes fixed on Michael and his face changed to annoyed.

"Wow. Is he still here or here again?"

"Still here. Nobody is as stupid as you and tries to run away four times," Luke turned to Michael, "don't try it. You will end up back here anyway. And it's not a pleasant journey.."

"What?? SO I AM TRAPPED HERE?," Michael exclaimed and felt the panic prickle under his skin.

"As are we," Calum grumbled, sounding a lot like an angry dog, "Don't be a pussy. I know a million places I would rather be than here, too."

He slammed the kitchen cabinet shut and glared at Michael.

"Then why do we have to stay here?," Michael asked.

"As soon as all of us are together, a certain ritual will take place. It binds us together, a special bound of warriors. We fight, move and breathe as one in battle, but most importantly: it makes it able to share our strength. All of us, as strong as a werewolf, fast as a vampire, intelligent and enchanting as a fairy and with the magic of a warlock. It makes us strong. Stronger than we already are as individuals. But when one of us dies, the bond breaks and like.. we don't quite know what happens then because we haven't found reports on that yet. Pretty sure we all die though.."

Michael was staring at Luke, his eyes blown white in his pale face and his mouth hanging open.

"Let me keep it simple for your not so intelligent ass," Calum huffed, "You are our life insurance. And we are yours."

Chapter 14: SUGAR - Lashton

Summary:

Ashton is an actor, Luke a stripper. Ashton meets Luke in the strip club and then desperately tries to get Luke to date him.
This is very explicit, because, y'know, a good amount of this is set in a strip club.
Enjoy.

Originally posted: June 2019 on Wattpad

"Are you guys serious?," Ashton groaned and threw his head back against his seat.

"C'mon Irwin, let's have some fun!!!," one of his colleagues called and got out of the car.

"I didn't know you meant THAT when you said "going out to celebrate and loosen up"," Ashton whined and rubbed his face.

"Oi! Ashton get out of the car and come here," another one yelled.

Ashton sighed and got out. He didn't have a choice, did he?

The red flashing sign over the entrance seemed to mock him as he and the other guys approached the strip club.

They were led in without any hesitation, given that they were all pretty well known here in LA.

The strip club was one of the 'in-clubs' in LA, one where it wasn't rare to have celebrities going in and out at all hours.

And given that Ashton was on the move with some of the best and most popular actors of their generation, he actually being advertised "the best of them all", they were past security guards and in the VIP Lounge in a matter of minutes.

Ashton was handed a beer and a shot.

The actors were lounging on the big couches for a while, just watching various girls dance on poles in front of them, until one of their group decided to "buy" a girl for all of their "private entertainment".

Ashton excused himself "to the bathroom" as soon as said girl started to dance on some of the guys laps.

Ashton slipped out of the VIP lounge and into the main hall of the club. He took a deep breath before striding over to the heavy red velvet curtain which divided the club in two.

When he felt like no one was watching he slipped through the curtain.

Ashton instantly relaxed a bit. Even though he thought girls were very pretty to look at, boys made him go crazy. And right now, there was a set of three male strippers about to start a show.

Ashton took a seat at the bar and ordered another beer. That's when his eyes caught sight of the beautiful blonde stripper who was performing on the right side of the stage.

The guy was stunning. He had ruffled blonde locks tumbling down to his chin, sparkling blue eyes and legs for days. His frame was rather broad and there was a thin layer of stubble on his chin.

Ashton was unable to move his eyes from the guy until the whole show ended. When the three strippers left the stage, Ashton instantly turned to the bartender. His eyes were blown wide, his cheeks flushed.

"Excuse me, sir? Who was the blonde stripper on the right?," Ashton asked the tattooed guy.

"Uh..," he said, flipping through what looked like a timetable,"that would have been Lucky Luke."

"You gotta be kidding me..," Ashton mumbled under his breath and strode towards the stage where an important looking guy in a tux was leaning against the wall.

"Excuse me, sir, is there any chance I can talk to the stripper," Ashton hesitated, "Uh.. 'Lucky Luke'?"

The guy was chewing gum and looking Ashton up and down.

"Pfff," he chuckled, "everything for the right price."

"Name it, I'll pay it."

The guy raised his eyebrows and turned around. "Luke! Come here!," the guy roared.

A few moments later, the tall blonde goddess came jogging out of the backstage room.

"There's someone who wants to meet you," the guy said bored.

"But my shift is over- " Luke started but got interrupted.

"I don't fucking care if your shift is over, he pays good for you," the guy hissed.

Luke groaned and stepped past the guy to greet Ashton while the guy disappeared backstage.

"Hey...," Ashton half smiled, not being able to get out another word.

"Hi..?," Luke raised his eyebrows.

"Can I... uhm.. buy you a drink?," Ashton asked.

"Nope, I am only allowed to accept cash from our customers," Luke answered and shoved his hands in the pockets of his black skinny jeans.

"Hmmm I see, then how about I am buying myself a drink, then realize that I don't even like that drink. What a waste it would be...," Ashton smirked.

Luke smiled. "I like how you think."

Ashton strode back to the bar, ordering a beer for Luke who plopped down on the stool next to him.

"So.. Luke it is?"

"How do you know?," Luke asked, taking a sip from his beer.

"C'mon..Lucky Luke... don't you think the name is a little obvious and maaaaybe silly?"

"Yeah you're right.. ah man I was young and dump."

"How long have you been doing this for then?," Ashton asked.

"Hm about three years?," Luke answered.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why stripping?"

"Look mate, can we just cut to it?," Luke asked slightly annoyed.

"To what?"

"Dude we're in a strip club. You pay, I strip. This is how it works around here."

"Oh no no, I don't want you to strip.. unless you want to of course," Ashton smirked.

"Then why did you ask for me?," Luke frowned.

"I wanted to talk.."

"Talk???," Luke asked incredulous.

"Yeah. Look, I think you're hot. Like, super duper hot. And I wanted to get to know you..?," Ashton explained.

"You're creepy," Luke said flatly.

"I swear I'm not!," Ashton rushed out.

"You saw me on a stage, thought I was hot, and payed my boss so you can spend time with me," Luke listed off on his fingers.

"Okay," Ashton nodded, "Yeah, when you say it like that... but I swear I just want to talk! No funny business!"

"Wow. In three years of work I never had a customer ask me for a talk. But fine, if talking is all I need to do to make money then go on," Luke mumbled and took a swig of his beer, "you'll get kicked out if you try anything anyway."

"So.. why are you a stripper?"

"Why not?," Luke smirked.

Ashton raised an eyebrow.

"Urgh fine. I need money for college. I'm a music Major in my last year. Plus, stripping isn't a bad job. You have to take off your clothes from time to time and look hot. Okay, yes it's fucking exhausting and not easily made money but it's not like I am a hooker."

Ashton glanced at him. "But don't you sell your body both ways?"

"Excuse me?? Stripping is NOT the same as prostitution!! I let people pay to see me half naked, not fuck me!! No touching, just looking. Okay sometimes a little touching. But N O T my private parts!"

"Fair point. I'm sorry if I offended you."

Luke sighed. "People just tend to mix those things up quite often. Not that I don't respect sex workers! I just.. it's not what I do and I don't want people to get the wrong impression of me."

"Ah.. so your girlfriend is okay with you taking off your clothes for other people?," Ashton asked.

"Dude," Luke sighed.

"What??"

"Are you serious man? You come here, you pay probably a lot of money to see me, to talk and then you ask me about my girlfriend? Flirting is not actually your strength is it?"

Ashton was speechless. "I.. uhh...."

Luke laughed. "I never would've thought I'd ever make THE Ashton Irwin speechless. So, in case you were wondering, which I know you were, I do not have a girlfriend. I am, just like you, into guys. Though I do not have a boyfriend either."

"You.. you know who I am..," Ashton sighed.

"Of course I know. It's hard not to. Your face is spread all over the city..," Luke said, "there's probably ten billboards with you on them on my way to work."

"Right, guess that's the price I have to pay," Ashton shrugged.

"But like, I don't actually know you well. I've seen a few movies you were featuring in. That's it. In case it makes you less uncomfortable," Luke half smiled.

Ashton smiled back.

"So, Ashton, I think your time's up. Ten minutes per show, they say. Thanks for the drink. See you around, you know where to find me," Luke got up, winked and walked away.

 

***

 

Same time, next day.

"Hey, I am Lucky Luke and I will be-," Luke broke off when he turned around and was faced with the handsome young man.

"Hi Luke," Ashton smiled from his spot on the couch.

"Hi stranger," Luke laughed, "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to see you again," Ashton smiled.

"Well, that's not at all creepy. Came here to talk or to actually see some bare skin?," Luke joked.

"Why not both?," Ashton smiled innocently.

"Whatever you say Irwin," Luke smirked and stepped towards him after closing the curtains to the private area Ashton apparently rented. It was a red velvet sofa that was shielded from view by heavy curtains so the customers who were willing to pay good could enjoy a private show.

"So," Luke casually said while plopping down on Ashton's lap, his back facing the actor, "what do you wanna talk about today?"

"I don't care," Ashton breathed into Luke's ear, "As long as I get to hear your pretty voice you could talk about cows for all I care."

"Okay, so when I was seven my parents used to take me to the farm my aunt owned. I always helped her feeding the cows there until one day- ouuuch," Luke whined.

Ashton had slapped his tight.

"I didn't mean that literally."

"You know if you wanted to do some kinky stuff you could have warned me before, so I could've backed out of this private show," Luke pouted.

"I don't!!," Ashton whined, "just stop talking about cows."

"You don't know what you want, do you?," Luke said and turned around on Ashton's lap so he was now facing him.

"I want you," Ashton whispered.

"Well I am not a piece of meat so you can't," Luke whispered back.

"Then I want you to strip," Ash said in a husky voice.

"So demanding," Luke mumbled while he started to grind on Ashton's lap.

Ashton looked up at him with lust clouded eyes. Luke couldn't deny that he did like that look on Ashton's face. Especially when directed to him. He also couldn't deny that the hazel-eyed guy turned him on. His eyes, his face, his dimples, his abs, his body - every single part of him seemed perfect.

"Let's play a game," Luke whispered into Ashton's ear, "You can take off my clothes if I get to take off yours."

Luke knew that was highly illegal. He wasn't allowed to remove any of his clients clothes, neither touch them inappropriately or talk them into anything. But it didn't seem like Ashton didn't want to do it, neither expected Luke that his boss would walk into this private show.

"I like that game," Ashton breathed and instantly started taking off Luke's shirt. Clothes were shed and soon enough Luke was grinding on Ashton's jeans while wearing nothing but boxers and was running his hands over Ashton's naked six pack.

Ashton griped Luke's hips and searched Luke's eyes. He ran his hands up Luke's chest and tangled them into Luke's messy locks.

"You're so goddamn beautiful Luke," Ashton breathed.

Luke felt his cheeks heat up.

Their eyes met. Time stopped.

This is a bad idea, Luke. This is a fucking bad idea. Luke what are you doing this is the worst idea you've ever had.

...But that's what makes it so good.

He started leaning in and so did Ashton. Their lips met in a soft kiss. Luke closed his eyes and the kiss deepened. For a while he let himself forget the world around him and just drank in every second of Ashton's lips on his.

And then reality came flooding back and he pulled away and got up from Ashton's lap.

"We can't do this," he said and stared at Ashton with eyes blown wide.

"Why not?"

"I could lose my job, Irwin!," Luke snapped at him and started putting on his clothes again.

"You don't need your job. Let me pay for your college education."

"In your fuckin dreams! I already told you I am NOT A HOOKER! Besides it's not only my college education it's also money I save up every month for my little sister's education so when she graduates she doesn't have to work all night and study all day only because she doesn't have the privilege of rich parents. Or parents at all for that matter!!," Luke took a deep breath to calm down and realized he had already said too much.

"Don't ever come here again," Luke mumbled, "Leave me alone."

He turned around to leave only to be stopped by Ashton's hand catching his wrist.

"Luke, please. I... I don't wanna lose you?," Ash said desperately.

"That's the cheapest thing to say in such a situation and we've only met yesterday," Luke frowned, "And you're paying for my company. This whole thing is messed up."

"Okay. Luke, I know we've only met yesterday and you are getting money from me and this whole situation is kinda fucked up and maybe seems like it's based on sex, but believe me when I say it isn't. You are so beautiful and handsome and when I look into your eyes I get this excitement in my stomach that I have never felt before. And then you open your beautiful mouth to speak and everything you say sounds like listening to my favorite song on repeat and sometimes you laugh and my whole world stops for a second before everything starts spinning. Trust me, Luke, this is not about your body. This is about your soul. You're beautiful outside and especially inside. Please, if you don't think I'm a total idiot and creep by now, give me a chance to get to know you better. Give yourself a chance to get to know me better. Not here where your job is on the line and where there's a weird power imbalance because I am your.. costumer. Let me take you on a date."

"A... a date?," Luke frowned.

"Yeah. A date. If you want to..," Ashton trailed off.

"I.. I mean. Sure, yeah okay. Take me on a date," Luke smiled and hugged his discarded shirt closer to his chest, "a real one. Away from here."

"Okay. Friday night?"

"Yeah, my shift ends at 9pm..," Luke smiled.

"I'll pick you up here. Until then I won't be bothering you at work again. Here's my number though," Ashton winked and slipped a piece of paper into Luke's hand.

 

***

 

Luke's breath was coming out ragged and he desperately clawed at the older boys shirt. Ashton was currently sucking on the spot on his neck that made him go crazy and he let out a small whimper.

"Fuck you're so hot," Ashton breathed into Luke's ear and pushed him harder against the wall.

"You're hotter," Luke whispered back before he hungrily reconnected their lips.

This, the kissing, had happened for the third time now.

The first kiss in the club, second one after their second date, and now, after their fourth date. But it was never this heated. But to be honest Luke was never this horny on a date before either.

Ashton tugged on Luke's shirt and soon it was on the floor next to Ashton's.

Luke pushed Ashton back to the couch where the two of them tumbled over each other, lips never disconnecting.

After a few more moments Ashton pulled away.

"Luke," he breathed out huskily from his spot under Luke, "I want you."

"I know," Luke whispered and nibbled on Ashton's ear, "Take me."

"No," Ashton said and brought Luke's face up so they were looking at each other, "I want you to be mine."

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?," Luke's breath hitched.

"Yes. But as my boyfriend I want you to be mine, and only mine. That means no more taking off your clothes for other people. Only for me."

"Ash," Luke sighed, "I fucking need the money."

"You don't. You have a rich boyfriend now," Ashton smirked.

"I hate being financially dependent on someone," Luke whined.

"And I hate thinking about you taking off your clothes for other people. Besides, I have a lot of money I literally don't need so I donate it to human rights organizations. And I feel like 'donating' it to your college fund would be a nice thing to do too. Investing in education, that's what we can call it."

"Well to me it sounds like you're offering to be my sugar daddy."

"Or you can put it like that."

"Do I have a choice?," Luke sighed.

"You always do. I want to be with you Luke, no matter what, but I'd appreciate if you did this for me," Ashton made puppy eyes.

"Fine. But only until I get a new job. Having a sugar daddy was never my plan," Luke sighed and let his head fall onto Ashton's bare chest.

"Life never goes as planned," Ashton smiled and ruffled Luke's hair.

"And there speaks the actor again. Just for your info, what's about to happen will only happen because I want it. I am still not a hooker," Luke growled.

"Whatever you say Lukey," Ashton teased.

Luke shot him a glare before he leaned up to whisper into Ashton's ear.

"Fuck me daddy."

Chapter 15: BACK TO THE DAYS - Malum

Summary:

A fluffy one. The story of Calum and Michael falling in love over the years of knowing each other and being in the band. Happy ending. :)

There's a lot of swearing in this one whoops.

Originally posted: Feburary 2023 on Wattpad

2009 - Age 14

"Does it ever bother you?," Michael asked thoughtfully.
Calum sighed heavily and caught the soccer ball he had just thrown in the air.
"Mate, what the fuck," he said, "you can't just ask random things out of nowhere and expect me to know what the fuck you're talking about."

Calum and Michael were sprawled out on Calums bed. Calum guessed they were supposed to do homework, at least that's what his mum expected them to do after she had picked them up from school and they had had lunch, but instead Michael had been playing on his Nintendo DS and Calum had been throwing a soccer ball into the air and catching it again and again.
Well, until now.

"Does it ever bother you that you've never kissed anyone before?," Michael asked.

"No! Mate, I'm thirteen. I have plenty of time left, dude," Calum sounded almost disgusted.

"I know other people who are thirteen and have a girlfriend," Michael argued.

"Well, we're not 'other people', Mike," Calum butted in, "We're us. And we've got time. Why the hell are you bringing this up now?"

"I don't know," Michael shrugged, "I saw Puke making out with someone today and I guess it got me wondering."

Calums sighed and threw up the ball again.
"Can you, like, stop obsessively hating Luke Hemmings? It's getting ridiculous."

"I'll never not hate Puke Lemmings. He sucks," Michael sounded pleased.

"He does, but you're way too passionate about it. Get a hobby," Calum muttered.

"Okay. Wanna make out?," Michael asked.

"Michael what the fuck?," Calum dove away from him so fast that he fell off his bed. Michael hadn't even moved an inch.

"I was kidding, you turd," Michael snickered.

Calum goraned and pushed off the ground.

"Here you fucktard," Calum grabbed his heavy maths book from the table and threw it at Michael, "Do our homework!"

"I'm not good at math! You do it," Michael wined.

"No. It'll help you get better. I'll do our English assignment."

"People who are good at math suck," Michael muttered while flipping through the textbook, "Look at Puke."

"For fucks sake, Mike!," Calum threw his hands up in dispair.

 

_______________

 

2010 - Age 15

Calums bedroom was silent except for the sound of felt tip markers scratching over cardboard to form words. Calum and Michael were actually working on a school project. Together.

Usually Michael would let Calum do all the projects, because Michael either didn't care if he got an F for the project, or simply not showed up to school on presentation day. Calum, however, needed good grades to get the soccer scholarship he dreamed of.

So Calum naturally didn't want to distract Michael from the work he was doing, but he just couldn't forget what had happened a mere two hours ago. Luke Hemmings had approached Michael after music class and had asked him if he would want to do the project with him.

Obviously Michael had told him no, since he, by default, always did his projects with Calum. But it still left Calum dumbfouded and wondering when they had started being friends. Had Calum been so caught up in being both their friends and the middle man?

"I still can't believe you're talking to Luke now," Calum finally burst out. He sat his pen down and looked at Michael, "Like, last month he was still your archenemy."

"He wasn't my archenemy," Michael frowned and looked up from the poster they were working on.

"Mike. You wanted to kill him. He wanted to kill you."

"Okay. Maybe we were a bit intense. We didn't even know each other," Michael said thoughtfully, "he's not that bad."

"I told you that, like, a million times," Calum whined.

"Well, he is still annoying. But he's talented," Michael shrugged.

"What so you want to use him for his fame?," Calum snickered, "Dude we both could probably get 200 views on YouTube of we wanted to."

"No," Michael said thoughtfully, "I like talking about music with him. And also making music with him. He gets it, you know?"

Calum looked at him sideways.
"I'm making music as well," he said quietly, "we are making music together all the time and talk about it."

"Aw, pal," Michael smirked, "C'mon you'll always be my best friend. You don't have to be jealous of Pukey. I thought you'd be happy you don't have to be the middle man anymore."

"I'm not jealous," Calum frowned, "I'm just-" Calum shrugged. "I'm just me."

"Well, just you is just perfect to me, Cal," Michael said and drew him in for a hug.

"And Puke will never get my special hugs. They are reserved for you," Michael said.

Calum laughed.
"Okay. Thanks man. You can let go now, no need to crush me. And no homo." Michael rolled his eyes and let Calum go.

"Wanna make out?," Michael asked and stuck his tounge out.

"Still a hard no. Get a girlfriend, you horny fucker. Or go make out with Luke," Calum rolled his eyes.

"Hm. Maybe I will," Michael said sarcastically and turned back to the poster. Something in Calums chest felt weird when Michael muttered the words but he couldn't put his finger on it.

 

_______________

 

2011 - Age 16

"This was a bad idea," Calum mumbled, more to himself than to Michael.

"Come on mate," Michael nuged him, "It'll be fun!"

"Getting shitfaced in your granny flat with Luke and a stranger when we should be practicing for our first gig ever?," Calum frowned.

"Ashton isn't a stranger, Cal," Michael rolled his eyes.

"I've never met that dude!," Calum whined.

"'Cause you're always at soccer practice!," Michael shot back.

"Mike," Calum glared, "You know how important practice is."

"So is the band," Michael muttered.

Calum sighed. "Of course it is, mate. I'm sorry I missed so many practices recently."

"Ash is pretty cool. He's nice and, like, a good kind of weird," Michael smiled, "And the best at playing drums in the area. He's like super good."

"Okay, well I'm excited to finally meet him," Calum said.

"That's a lie, pal," Michael laughed and plugged his guitar in.

Calum shrugged. "Don't like new people. It's not him, it's me."

A few hours later they were laying on the floor of Michaels granny flat, facing each other. Both of them were bleary eyed and breathing slowly. Ashton and Luke had passed out on the bed in the adjacent room a while ago while Michael and Calum had still been to fired up to go to bed. Instead they had played video games on Michaels xbox until a few minutes ago.

Now, they were laying on the rough, threadbare carpet and staring at each other.

"So, Ash?," Michael asked quietly.

"He's pretty cool," Calum mumbled, "Bit weird. And his purple shirt is awful. But he's really good at drumming and it's impressive how much he knows about it."

"Yeah," Michael mumbled, "pretty sure we'll smash the gig next week."

Calum smiled. "I'd hope so."

"We're gonna go far," Michael whispered, "I know it."

"You think so?," Calum asked quietly.

"I know it," Michael nodded.

"And then?," Calum asked small.

"I don't know. It doesn't matter," Michael whispered softly, "As long as I got you on the ride with me, I'll be alright."

Calum blushed and smiled small.

Michael reached out a hand and brushed some stray curls from Calums forehead. Usually, Calum would've drawn away from the touch but he was too drunk to digest what this kind of moment meant for their friendship, and why he shouldn't like the physical attention he was getting.

"I'll always be there, I promise," Calum mumbled instead and held his pinky out. Michael hooked his pinky in Calums. Instead of letting go, they rested their hands between them, still tangled together.

"I can't believe we've been friends for four years now," Calum marveled.

"Yeah, we're getting old. I'll be seventeen soon," Michael mumbled.

Calum snickered. "Any last wishes before you turn ancient, Cliffo?"

Michael thought about that for a second.

"I kinda wanna have my first kiss before I turn seventeen," Michael mumbled.

"That's in two days!," Calum exclaimed.

"I know," Michael pouted.

Calum was stupidly drunk. Michael stupidly desperate and confused.

Calums eyes flicked down to Michaels lips and then back up. The words were out before he could stop them.

"Does it have to be with a girl?"

Michael hesitated for a second. His eyes flicked down to Calums lips and he swallowed.

"No," he whispered then, "I don't think so."

Calum blushed for the second time that night. For a few moments neither of them moved. But then both boys seemed ready to throw all precaution over board.

"Wanna make out?," Michael asked with a small grin.

Calum didn't know if he wanted to or if he was just desperate for attention and drunk. He lazily shrugged one shoulder and stared right back at Michael with new found confidence.

Michael took that as enough of an answer and pushed himself up on his elbows before he leant down and pressed a short hard kiss to Calums lips. Calum thought it was nice, but he was too shocked to respond so he just laid there like a dead fish. Michael drew away and looked at him questioning.
Michaels eyes were glittering and a bit unfocused, his cheeks were a beautiful pink color and his ridiculously long fringe fell in his face. And all Calum could think about was that he wanted kiss him again.
Something in Calum kicked into motion and he pushed himself up to reconnect their lips in another awkward kiss.

When they drew away, seconds later, Michaels blush had spread to his ears and down his neck where it disappeared in the neckline of his shirt.

"First kiss before 17, check," Calum smiled up at him.

"Thanks mate," Michael mumbled.

"No worries," Calum muttered back and yawned.

"Let's pull out the couch and get ready for bed. Luke and Ashton have been cold out for two hours already," Michael grinned.

 

_____________

 

2013 - Age 17 / 18

In the dark it was really hard to find his way along the long empty hallway of the house. The fact that this was their second night in this house did not make it easier.
He fumbled his way along the wall towards the room at the far end of the corridor. From the kitchen downstairs he heard the faint noise of someone emptying the dishwasher and the sound reminded him of home for a second, which only added to the heavy feeling in his chest.

He knew that it wasn't his home or his mum tidying up downstairs while he was supposed to sleep to be rested for school in the morning.

This was a strange cold house in London, and Luke's mum tidying up so they could catch some sleep before the first important meetings with their new label and then the boys from One Direction in the morning.
And while he was incredibly grateful for the opportunity they had gotten, and also liked Liz a lot, he still missed home, soccer, his friends and his mum.

Once Calum had arrived at the door he had been looking for, he decided not to knock, afraid Liz might hear him and sent him back to bed. Instead he softly pushed it open and stuck his head through the slit.

"Mikey?," he whispered into the darkness and heard rustling from the bed before a very tired sounding Michael asked "Cal?"

Calum slipped inside the room and quietly closed the door behind him. By the time he was standing next to Michaels bed, Michael was already sitting up.

"What?," Michael rubbed his eyes.

"I can't sleep. This house is empty and cold and," Calum swallowed his tears, "and unfamiliar."

Michael sighed. He scooted over and gestured for Calum to join him in his bed which was way too tiny for two lanky seventeen year old boys. But this was what Calum had come for and so he squeezed himself in next to Michael and layed on his side, facing the older boy.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Calum whispered, his nose almost touching Michaels.

"I wasn't really sleeping," Michael mumbled, "Just drifting in and out. Too much on my mind."

"Same," Calum whispered.

"Are you nervous?," Michael asked.

"Shitting bricks," Calum muttered, "You?"

"Fuck yeah," he sighed, "What if they change their minds? I mean, look at us. We're four underage lanky pale teens with mediocre cover songs and, like, three originals. How can we possibly play Wembley Arena next month? They'll realize their mistake."

"Shut up Mike," Calum said, "We're awesome. We can do this. They have faith in us. Our parents have faith in us. We should be the ones having the most faith is us. I do believe in us, and remember what you told me last year?"

"We're gonna go far," Michael immediately said.

"And I believe you. Do you believe yourself?," Calum asked.

Michael nodded small.

"Good," Calum was satisfied and the coil of anxiety had loosened by the time he had finished his peptalk. He had hyped up both himself and Michael.

"And you?," Michael asked now, "Homesick?"

Calum looked down and shrugged one sholder.

"That's okay, you know?," Michael said softly.

"At least I have you," Calum smiled small, "you're like home."
He looked back up at Michael. The moonlight shining through the window illuminated the left side of his face, painting sharp shadows under his cheekbones and working out the faint soft stubble on his chin. His emerald eyes were big and shining and watching Calums every move.

"You'll always have me," Michael whispered back.

They layed on their sides, staring at each other in silence for a few minutes. This should've been awkward after a while but for some reason, both boys were happy studying the planes and curves of each other's faces and taking in everything they could to compartmentalize it.
Calum suddenly saw the hint of a smile creeping onto Michaels lips.

"Wanna make out?," Michael whispered.

Calums heart picked up it's pace. It's been over a year since the last time they had kissed and back then they had been drunk. But Calum yearned for the familiarity of the pale boy in this cold and strange house and what happened in the dark stayed in the dark. Right?

"No," Calum whispered back, "Not make out. But.."

Michael raised an eyebrow. Calum softly inched forward until their lips were inches apart. Michael leant in to finally connect them in a short, tender kiss.

When they drew away, both boys had a blush coloring their cheeks. But some of the anxiety had vanished from the pit of his stomach, replaced by a soft fluttering when he looked back at the boy next to him.

"Good night, Cal Pal," Michael whispered.

"Night, Mikey," Calum whispered back and finally closed bis heavy eyes.

 

_______________

 

2014 - Age 18

Calum was bouncing off the walls. And Michael didn't mean that in a metaphorocal way.
When he stepped out of the shower in his sweatpants, toweling his hair dry, Calum was bouncing around the hotel room.

"Dude," Michael huffed and slung the damp towel over the back of a chair, "Calm the fuck down."

"How?," Calum glared at him, "How are you not excited?"

"Cal," Michael fell down on the king-size bed, "I have been hyper all day. I am fucking exhausted now. Let me sleep."

"No sleep!," Calum yelled insulted and jumped on the empty side of the bed, "Mate, we just shot our first ever music video! We need to celebrate!!"

"We need sleep," Michael rolled his eyes.

"No sleep today," Calum glared and folded his legs under him, "We're only young once."

"Shut up," Michael mumbled and got back up to put on a shirt that was laying on the floor next to the bed.

"No!," Calum whined, "Mikeeeeee. C'mon!"

"You're like an annoying fucking puppy," Michael huffed frustrated.

"That's not even an insult," Calum snickered, oblivious to Michaels growing annoyance.

"Calum, please fucking settle down," Michaels patience was wearing thin.

"Nu-hu," Calum sinsang and started bouncing on the bed, "No sleep for you. Let's celebrate. We need to remember this day forever!"

"Shut up Calum," Michael muttered and crawled back into bed, "We're gonna remember this day forever anyway. This was our first video shoot with s a budget. And if we don't catch sleep now we'll remeber tomorrow as the aay we messed up out careers because we went to promo completely sleep deprived and stupid."

"No," Calum continued to bounce on the mattress, "I'm so awake Mike. I'm so awake, I can't lay down. C'mon, let's do something!"

"Stop bouncing! I am fucking exhausted, mate! So shut the fuck up, will you?," Michael now yelled.

"Make me!," Calum yelled back, still amused. His adrenaline levels were up with the fairies.

"Oh yeah?," Michael yelled back.

"Yes," Calum glared.

"Okay then, come here," Michael gestured for him to come closer. He was still clearing at Calum.

"Why?," Calum frowned.

"To get all the fucking dopamine and adrenaline out of your fucking system so I can catch some sleep," Michael huffed.

Calum crawled over to Michael without hesitation, completely trusting his best friend. Before he was all the way at the older boys side, Michael roughly janked him closer by the front of his sweater and connected their lips.

Calum let out a startled shriek and struggled to steady himself with his hands on the bed.
When Michael pushed Calum away after a few hard kisses, Calum gaped at him, all wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

"You didn't even ask if I wanted to make out this time," Calum gasped, trying to catch his breath and register what had just happened.

"You told me to make you shut up," Michael raised an eyebrow, "And I did, didn't I?"
Calum's eyes twinkled mischievously.

"I still wanna party though," Calum grinned.

"There's another way to let out your energy," Michael let the sentence hang in the air.

Calum caught on a few moments later and his mouth streched out in a grin.
Michael didn't waste another second before he hungrily reconnected their lips.

The kiss wasn't romantic. This had nothing to do with love. They were both high on adrenaline and low on sleep and looking for any kind of relief and comfort they could get. They were both fisting the material of each other's shirts in their hands, desperate to have something to hold on to while their mouths clashed. There was not tounge involved, but theeth.
Calum pulled away after a few more kisses and just stared at Michael for a few moments, catching his breath.

Michael felt his heart do weird things when he saw how red and puffy Calum's pretty lips were after the had just bitten down on them and how the red flush spread out on his cheeks and down his throat and chest.

"Does this get rid of your energy?," Michael quirked and eyebrow, heart fluttering at the way Calums big brown eyes were shining and still focused on his lips.

Calum startled out of his daze and distractedly pulled on the sleeve of his sweatshirt, a gesture Michael knew meant Calum was caught off guard and shying away.

"I don't know," the brown eyed boy stuttered and cast his eyes down. Because that's what they always were. Brutally fucking honest with each other.

"Go to sleep, Cal," Michael said softly and Calum violently shook his head.

"No, I-," he started but Michael gently pushed him down on Calum's side of the bed by his shoulders.

"Go to sleep," Michael smiled, "C'mon. We have promo in the morning. We both need fucking sleep."

Calum didn't put up another struggle, just crawled under the covers on his side of the bed.

"Good night, Mike. I love you," Calum whispered into the dark once Michael had turned the light off.

"Night, Cal Pal. Love ya too," Michael muttered, "Now please, finally, shut the fuck up."

"Princess needs beauty sleep," Calum snickered and instantly felt a cold foot collide with his chin. He yelped in pain but kept his mouth shut this time.

 

______________

 

2015 - Age 19

Another video shoot - and Calum was hyper again.

At least this time he knew he was being super fucking annoying.
But at the same time he really couldn't help it.

This morning he had gotten up at the ass crack of dawn to head out to the set of their new music video.
Which meant two things: First, he was running on four hours of sleep. Second: he was running on four shots of espresso and half an iced latte he was currently sipping on.

Throw in the nervousness he felt nagging at the core of his chest and the mix was perfect.

Music video shoots were one of Lukes favourite things, and one of Calums least favorites. Calum enjoyed being quiet and observant and not having a camera shoved in your face to record your every move. Every little mistake would forever be on film.

So, long story short, Calum was barely able to sit still. He was roaming around the set, talking and talking and talking, annoying his bandmates, annoying Michael in particular who was grumpy due to lack of sleep, and talking some more, all the while their videographer followed him to capture behind the scenes footage. He found that as long as he kept his brain busy but forming words and sentences, he didn't have time to focus on the knot of anxiety in his chest.

While Luke and Ashton were in hair and make-up, Calum glued himself to Michael, scared of being alone with a bunch of random people while not knowing what to do with himself.
Michael acted annoyed, but after years of friendship, Calum could clearly see when Michael was actually annoyed and when it was an act.

Calum had found a ladder in front of the house that served as their set and had started drumming on it with his hands.
Michael, who stood next to him, started adding a beat to Calums manic manhandling of the poor prop, which made Calums heart flutter. Michael held eye contact the whole time, trying to anticipate Calums rhythm changes. Calum drew his eyebrows together in fake concentration and Michaels mouth twitched into a smile.
They continued the game until one of the set designers told them he needed the ladder.

The two of them stepped away and just stood there for a moment, awkwardly looking around. The videographer was still shoving the camera in their face and Calum felt like he needed to do.. something. So he began pulling faces while Michael still stared around. Calum looked at the insides of his palms, which were reddened due to him using them as drumsticks on a metal surface, and brought them up to chest.

"Don't know what to do with these things, usually," he commented while he inspected his hands.
Michaels eyes flicked over to him. For a few moments, Michael looked at Calum before a smile tugged at his mouth.

"Wanna make out?," he asked, out of the blue.

Calum froze and tried his best to keep the goofy smile plastered on his face while his heart missed a beat.

How. The fuck. Could Michael just ask that infront of everyone.

Calum slowly lowered his hands, heart hammering against his ribcage and painfully aware of both Michaels eyes and the camera on him. He raised his eyebrows and acted like he hadn't heard what Michael had just said.

And Michael fucking Clifford had the audacity to shrug innocently and repeat the question. Calum tried his best to hide the blush creeping on his face and cast a swift looked behind him, but luckily nobody seemed to have heard Michael except for him and the videographer.
"I'm just gonna ignore what you just said," Calum muttered and cast his eyes down.

Michael turned to the camera and shrugged again.

Calum still tried his hardest to catch up to his thoughts and get rid of the heat in his face.
He didn't know where to go from there. He couldn't believe Michael had just asked that question, their question, in the middle of the day without an excuse to cover it up.

This was a joke, right? They always joked about this in the band. Calum needed to get his head straight and take it for what it was. A joke.

After a few more moments, Calum took a deep breath and softly shook his head before he looked up to find that Michael had slipped away while he was distracted.

Good, he thought, I don't know if I can look at him without blushing again.

Calum went off in the direction of the trailers to sit down somewhere and distract himself by scrolling through his phone. And it worked, as long as he kept scrolling to get the dopamine kick his algorithm provided him.

But as soon as he locked his phone, the anxious knot returned to the pit of his stomach. He sat in silence for a while longer before he couldn't take it anymore.

With a sigh he got up in search of his best friend again. Confrontation was better than hiding.

Calum hoped he hadn't made things awkward between them. He had sucessfuly convinced himself that Michael had meant it as a joke and Calum had reacted like the stupidest person ever instead of going along with it.
But screw Michael for looking so beautiful today. Nobody had given him the right.

It didn't take Calum long to find Michael. He saw the older boy sitting in the shade under a tree, chatting to the videographer.

Calum strolled over and couldn't contain his grin when he saw Michael already rolling his eyes at him.
Calum plopped down beside his best friend with a sigh, instantly trowing both arms around him and pressing their cheeks together.

"Every time it's just us," Michael huffed out but his face wore a smile.

"Hey buddy," Calum beamed, putting more emphasis than needed on the word buddy while also trying to press himself as close to Michael as possible. Michael was staring off straight ahead.

"Hey," Michael muttered annoyed, but still smiling.

"Aren't you happy to see me?," Calum mumbled.

"No, I hate you," Michael huffed.

"No you don't," Calum grinned, "You love me. I know it. I'm telepathic."

Michael snorted.

"We do this thing where we-," Calum looked at the camera, then over at Michael, who was still staring into the distance.

"No," Michael said flatly.

"-where we do one word each," Calum explained to the camera.

"Nope," Michael muttered "No, we don't do that."

Calum drew away from Michael a bit but still had an arm slung around his shoulder.
"I can read your mind," he sounded pleased with himself.

"Okay," Michael jumped on, "What am I gonna say?" Michael finally looked at Calum.

"You're gonna say," Calum hesitated, momentarily distracted by Michaels eyes mustering his face, "that... I can't read your mind."

Michael's mouth stretched into a smile again and he nodded his head appreciatively. He then turned his head to make a funny face into the camera and Calum mimicked him.

The videographer turned off the camera and went off in search of Luke and Ashton.

Michael and Calum sat next to each other in silence for a moment. Michael was mustering his shoes and Calum couldn't shake the feeling he was trying hard to avoid looking directly at Calum.

So Calum promptly decided to throw all precaution over board.

"The fuck was that back there?," Calum asked quietly once he knew everyone was out of earshot.

"What?," Michael asked innocently.

"Bro, you know exactly what," Calum glared.

Michael shrugged.

"You can't just ask that out of nowhere in a situation like that," Calum sounded a bit hysteric now.

"Why not? People will think it's a joke," Michael frowned.

"Well, I know it's not a joke," Calum muttered.

"How do you know that?," Michael smirked, finally turing to look at Calum.

"I.. I-," Calum sputtered, "I just know." He stubbornly jutted his chin out.

"Ah. And what? Did it bother you?," Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I-," Calum was at a loss of words, "Yes?"

"Why?," Michael asked, smirking.

"It's our question. It's... something private. Just for us. Not for the world. And... only on special occasions..," he tried to explain, "only.. desperate times. Not.. in the middle of the day-"

"Well, the way you look today is definitely a special occasion and also a desperate time," Michael commented, rendering Calum red and speechless again. Michaels grin softened.

"You're such a hopeless idiot," he snickered slightly, "Seriously? One compliment and your brain is useless? I thought I had to put in more effort."

Calum didn't know where all of this was coming from. They had never talked like this before. Apart from the usual joke-flirt in the band, the two of them had never straight up flirted before. Not like this. Not like Michael meant every last word he had just said.

He couldn't believe what Michael was implying. Maybe he was still sleeping because this scenario was very similar to his wildest dreams.

"I get it, okay? Sorry I asked that out of the blue, I got a bit carried away," Michael said calmly, "But damn the question stands. If you wanna make out later, you know where my hotel room is. And if not, forget this conversation ever happened." Michael winked.

And shit. After this, Calum had an even harder time to concentrate on the videoshoot.

 

_______________

 

2016 - Age 20

Being on tour was both the best time of his life and the worst time of his life.

Calum was entirely grateful for the opportunity to tour the world and play music to thousands of fans every night. He loved what he did, loved experiencing this all with his best friends, loved knowing that what he did changed lifes.

But the ongoing cycle of hyping himself up for the show, being high on adrenaline and, most of the time, alcohol, then the crash after a show and dragging himself to the bus to head to another city and catch a few blissful hours of sleep before doing it all over again really tore at the core of what held him together.

They were nearing the end of their second headline show, Sounds Live Feels Live, and they were all operating on their last reserves of energy, patience and nerve.

Tonight was a blissful night of knowing they had the day off tomorrow. Tonight, Calum would be able to catch up on sleep in an actual bed, in a comfortable hotel room, and not on a bus.

He was grateful that the times in when they all had shared a room, had pushed their beds together and shared secret cuddles under the cover of the dark night to wallow in the illusion of home and familiarity in the midst of all the madness were over.

He obviously loved his band mates, more than anything. He also still enjoyed a good band hug and a cuddle here and there.

But he did, after all, spend each and every night cramped with them in a moving box that rattled them awake every time the bus driver missed a hole in the road. If they were not woken up by one of them snoring before that.

So he did deserve to feel elated at the prospect of having his own quiet hotel room to return to tonight.

Right now tough, sleep was a concept for future Calum.

Michael and him had worked out how to get to the roof of the hotel pretty quickly after stumbling across the emergency excess door labeled "ROOF" on their nightly exploring tour of the hotel.

They should probably have taken a shower and headed straight to bed, like the other two boys did, but Michael had texted Calum, asking if he would want to explore a bit, like they always had when they were younger.

Calum did not regret his decision.

He was currently perched on a junction box on the roof of a hotel in Toronto. The city was alight with lights that looked like a sea of glitter at their feet and there was still a sliver of orange on the horizon, even though it was nearing midnight.

Calum took a long drag from his cigarette and tipped his head back. The nicotine in his system calmed him down and the alcohol blurred the edges.
He slowly let the smoke out, breathing it in a cloud above his head and closing his eyes after watching it dissipate.

"This year we're gonna be best friends for eight years," Michael mumbled from his spot next to Calum, "That's a hella long time."

"Eight years?," Calum asked impressed.

"Yeah man," Michael smiled, "been friends since 2008, dude."

Calum took another swig from the bottle.

"Are we friends?," Calum asked quietly.

"What?," Michael frowned confused, "Of course we are! You're my best friend, Cal!"

Calum nodded his head absently and stared out at the skyline.

"What the fuck dude?," Michael asked, still irritated and nuged his shoulder against Calums, "If we're not friends what else would we be?"

Calum shrugged one sholder and drew one knee up to his chest to wrap an arm around it. The other one still dangled over the edge. He took another drag of his cigarette and pointedly avoided to look at Michaels face.

"What?," Michael snapped.

"No," Calum shook his head, "nothing. I just thought friends didn't share kisses. Or y'know. Make out."

"We never really made out," Michael muttered but his demeanor had changed. He was almost shy now.

"Well still, my point stands," Calum stubbed his cigarette out between them, "Friends shouldn't want to have sex with each other but I definitely do."

"Wha-," Michael gaped at Calum, "You-? You want to have sex with me?"

"Oh yeah," Calum took another sip of alcohol, "C'mon mate I've been pretty vocal about it."

"You say a lot of dumb shit every day, Pal," Michael muttered.

"I'm pretty sure there's literally a video of me singing about how I want to have sex with you on the internet," Calum replied.

"Same thing, there are a lot of videos of us talking shit on the internet. How many pantless videos or pictures are there? The fans don't even question it anymore when we walk around half naked. There's literally a video of your dick online," Michael clapped back, eager to make his point.

"Thanks for the reminder," Calum rolled his eyes, "And well, I meant it this time. Dude, you're hot. I'm horny. And you're a really good kisser. Makes me wonder what else you could do with your mouth. I'd love to have sex with you."

"Don't say that," Michael mumbled.

"Why not?," Calum huffed, "Because you won't be able to play pretend anymore?"

"What's up with you?," Michael frowned and turned his body to the side so he was facing Calum.

Calum smirked around the cigarette between his lips.
"This was your clue to ask me if I wanted to make out," he muttered.

Michael rolled his eyes and took the bottle from Calum. "Shut up. The alcohol made you stupid again."

"No," Calum snapped now, "I had, like, four sips. This is not the fucking alcohol talking."

"Calum, we're not doing this right now," Michael snapped back.

"Yes we fucking are," Calum stood up abruptly and turned around to face Michael, still sitting on the box. "Michael, if you seriously think that what we have is "just friends" then there's something really fucking wrong with you. Me might've been best friends once but fuck, Michael, I've been falling in love with you since we were 16 years old. And at first I didn't realize because I was stupid and the whole falling in love process was slow and dragged out like a piece of gum but damnit. I'm not sure where I'm going with this." He inhaled deeply after he was done yelling.

"Calum, what the fuck," Michael rubbed his temples, "Shut up."

"No," Calum yelled.

"Yes! God damnit, fucking idiot. Calum, we are in a band. We are working together. Whatever this is, whatever we are, we have to get our shit together!," Michael yelled.

"I thought we agreed to always put our friendship and us first," Calum glared back.

"The band is our fucking dream," Michael snapped, "And everything we have worked for!"

"And what about me? What about us, our dream?," Calum yelled, now there was an edge of desperation in his voice.

"Kisses won't pay our fucking bills, Calum!," Michael snapped.

"What about 'I don't know what will happen but I'll be fine as long as I got you?'," Calums eyes were fires now, his words venom.

"That still stands," Michael said, and suddenly all anger had left his body, "I need you beside me. But, as a friend. Because with everything going on right now, with all the shit we are going through, all the people exploiting us, taking advantage of us? We're caught up in a mad clusterfuck and I don't have the mental capacity to also deal with whatever we are."

Calum's lips twitched but he didn't say anything, just stared back at Michael.

"C'mon, Cal," Michael said quietly, "You know I'm right."

"No," Calum said quietly.

"Cal, seriously?," Michael asked, still calm, "Look, Luke is struggling. He's really, really, not doing well. Ash is like really fucking close to relapsing. I am struggling. I'm struggling a whole fucking lot. And I know you are too. We'd only cut each other on out broken parts. We need to fix ourselves up first before we can move on to bigger things. And we both need to look out for Luke and Ash, too. There's... simply no space for this, for us, now. I-" Michael struggled for words, "I don't want to screw this up, Cal. With you, there is too much at stake. If we're gonna do this, I want to do this right. And at this moment, there's no way to do this right. We'd both break. The band would possibly break, too."

Calum had tears pooling in his brown eyes but his posture remained upright and strong.
He looked at Michael for a long moment before nodding his head. He still didn't say anything.

"I need you, Calum. I need my best friend. Please," Michael pleaded softly.

Calum hesitated a moment before he came over and wrapped his arms around Michael. Their bodys slotted perfectly against each other like they always had, and for a blissful moment, everything was alright.

"Thank you for being honest," he said softly, "I'll always be there. Mike, whatever we are, or may be in the future, you'll always be my best friend. My home."

Michael nodded against Calums shoulder.

"Just to be clear," Michael said, "I'm not rejecting you. As I said, I just don't have the energy or mindest to deal with any of this. And even if you don't want to admit it, you don't have it either. So before we fuck it up, we shouldn't take the risk. There's too much at stake."

"Yeah," Calum nodded and tightened the hug, "Yeah. You're right. Fuck. When did you become the rational one?"

"I've always been the rational one, dumbass," Michael mumbled and closed his eyes against Calums shoulder.

 

 

_______________

 

 

2017 - Age 21

The room was dead silent. Calum stared at the white paper in his lap, completely at a loss of words.

Not ideal, really, when words were what payed your rent.
This writing session should have gone way better than this. Calum had been looking forward to it the whole week, but now it was here, he completely blacked out.

Maybe it was because Ash wasn't here. Calum and Ashton were writing partners, and Luke and Michael were the other pair. That's what they had established during their first album and when they went in for the second album, none of them challenged the order. It worked for them.

So, Calums writers block definitely was because Ashton wasn't here. Not because the other person in the room completely rendered him stupid by just existing.

Calum forced himself not to look at Michael since it wouldn't help him one bit, but he felt the older boys presence like a constant humming in his body.

Michael and Calum sat on opposite ends of the couch, which was only designed to fit two people in the first place.

Calum had his legs folded under him and an almost empty writing block in his lap while Michael was opposite of him with one leg folded under him and one dangling off the couch. Their knees were almost touching and Calum had the urge to reach out and run his fingers over the exposed skin peaking through the rips in his jeans.

It's been a year since the confrontation on the rooftop in Toronto and they hadn't done anything friends wouldn't do ever since. You'd think it'd help Calum get a grip on himself and get over the worst of his crush on Michael, but no.

He just got better at hiding it.

Calum dared a glance at his bandmate and found Michael staring back at him.
Calums heart twitched but he raised a sassy eyebrow.

"The fuck are you looking at?," he asked.

"You," Michael said flatly, sending Calum reeling again.

"Bro, we said we'd do the stupid writing exercise," Calum whined, "So get on with it. We really need to come up with a few concepts today."

"I'm doing it, mate," Michael glared back.

"You're staring at me!," Calum clapped back, "You're supposed to write down what you had for fucking breakfast."

The writing exercise was supposed to get you into the headspace for creative writing. It required you to write down something super boring and ordinary, like what you had for breakfast, while trying to describe it in ridiculous detail and using the grandest metaphors.

"That's not the task, man," Michael frowned, "I could literally write about this fucking couch. It doesn't have to be my breakfast."

"Okay, then what do you have?," Calum challenged.

Michael suddenly got defensive and pressed the block against his chest.

"No," Michael pouted, "Not done yet."

Calum huffed and turned back to his paper.
While trying to come up with words to describe the dry flowers sitting on the table infront of them, he felt Michaels eyes on him again.

"Bro," Calum muttered, eyes not leaving the flowers, "I can feel you staring."

"It's part of the exercise," Michael muttered.

"Gimme that," Calum huffed and lunged for Michaels block, ripping it from his hands.

"What the fuck," Michael yelled, "Give it back, asshole!"

Calum held it away from Michael and scanned over the first two lines.

His whole body froze.

"You're unfair," Michael muttered weakly, and Calums eyes glided over to him. A faint blush was coating Michaels cheeks.

"Did you-," Calum asked softly, "Is this about me?"

Michael rolled his eyes. "About who else would it be, genius?"

Calum slowly lowered the block and scanned over the next two lines.

"I," he watched Michael in awe, "This is really really good."

"Shut up," Michael huffed and looked away, the blush intensifying.

"Bro, I'm telling you!," Calum urged and started reading out the words Michael had strung together.

"I love the light in your eyes and the dark in your heart.
You love the permanent chase and the bite to our bark.
So deep your DNA's being messed with my touch."

Calums heart hammered hard against his ribcage and his hands became clammy.
Calum's breath caught in his throat as he took in everything from Michaels flannel to his beanie, his cast down eyes and his red cheeks. The older boy was rubbing his anchor tattoo and pointedly avoided looking at Calum.

Without thinking, Calum reached out and grabbed the front of Michaels flannel, yanking him closer until he was able to place a kiss on Michaels pink lips.

Michael immediately responeded. He put his hands on Calums shoulders and drew him closer, deepening the kiss. The kiss was hard, demanding, but unlike when they were younger, this time there was a underlying gentleness as well. Unlike back in the day, this wasn't casual anymore. Now the kiss had everything to do with love.

When they parted for air, Calum sunk back into the couch. Both men stared at each other, wide eyed and redlipped, trying to catch their breaths.

Eventually, Michaels lips tugged up into a soft smile.

"That was nice," he said quietly.

"Yeah," Calum nodded breathlessly, "rellay nice."

They grinned at each other for a few more moments before Michael started giggling.

"God, I really missed your kisses," he admitted shyly.

"Me too," Calum nodded.

The silence between them streched out until Michael decided he'd have to be the first one to talk this time.

"I think the decision last year was right," he said quietly, "we were wrecks."

Calum nodded softly. "Yeah."

"But now, we have time to breath. And, y'know, figure stuff out. We won't release another album until next year and... we just have time. For the first time. So, I guess I was wondering if you'd wanna use a bit of that time to...," Michael cast his eyes down and a blush crept back on his cheeks, "Maybe figure us out. We would have all the time in the world to take it slow. To... do it right. Like we never could before."

Calums heart felt like it was about to implode. His blood pressure must be skyrocketing right now and he felt his whole body starting to skate slightly.

"Yes," he breathed, once he found his voice again, "God, Mike. Of course. Yes."

Michaels eyes flicked back up to meet Calums and he smiled.

"Okay," his green eyes shone like stars, "Can I take you out for dinner after this?"

"Yes. You can take me out. Or we can order food and stay home. Whatever, I don't care. Do whatever you want to me," Calums brain had peaced out two sentences ago.

"I'd like to take you out for dinner," Michael smiled, "I want a classic first date."

Calum couldn't do anything other than nod.

"Now let me hear your lines," Michael challenged.
Calum smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, I didn't get much done. But essentially, we had the same idea," Calum retrieved his block from under Michaels and held up the three words he had sprawled on the page.

Wanna make out?

"Hell yes," Michael grinned and crawled over to sit in Calums lap. He put his hands on both sides of Calums face and bent down to reconnect their lips. Calums brain was finally able to catch up with what was happening and he happily sighed into the kiss while they seemingly tried to make up for all the lost kisses over the past year.

And at the end of the day, they did end up with a pretty good song draft.

 

_________________

 

BONUS:

Calum felt like he was about to faint. It's not like he hadn't see this coming. They had been together for seven years and had talked about marriage a lot, but nothing could have prepared him for seeing Michael kneel in front of him.
He watched his wildest dreams come true in front of his eyes.

"Oh god, I had a speech prepared but," Michaels voice was shaking, "I, uh... I feel like I can't breathe."

"It's okay," Calum laughed shakily and reached out to grab Michaels hands.
Michael held up a hand to stop him.

"No, let me get this right," he said stubbornly and cleared his throat, "Cal, you're my best friend. And the love of my life. I can't remember a life without you, and I never want to know a life without you. I love you, and I want to spend forever with you. Calum Thomas Hood...." Michael trailed off again and suddenly, his face scrunched up in what Calum knew was the face Michael made when he tried hard to surpress a grin, "Wanna make out with me?"

Calum groaned and made a show of rolling his eyes. He used the time to quickly wipe at his damp eyes and let out a shakey laugh. "Wow. Really?"

"No! Okay no, listen," Michael laughed but scrambled to get Calums attention back, "Calum Thomas Hood. Will you marry me?"

"Yes, you idiot. Yes, I'll marry you," Calum laughed shakily and pulled Michael up into his arms.

Chapter 16: THIS IS WAR - Cake

Summary:

The country has been taken over by a fascistic dictator. An underground movement has formed and operates from a base underground to free the country. Calum is one of the best fighters in the resistance and has no distractions or weaknesses. Until a blonde lanky man stumbles into his life and suddenly, he has so much to lose.

Yeah. Is this me casually killing off half the band? Maybe.
Enjoy.

TW:
major character death
guns/ weapons

Originally posted: April 2023 on Wattpad

Calum joilted awake but ignored the urge to sit up straight in his bed.

That's one thing he had learned over the last four years. Though it had taken him a while to not jump out of his skin every morning when the sirens cut through the silence to wake up every inhabitant of the underground bunker tunnels. Well, everyone except for Michael Clifford, who spent most of his free time time on cleaning duty because he overslept.

Calum rolled out of bed and landed on his feet in one smooth motion. Another skill he had picked up since he had joined the revolution four years ago.

He collected this cargo pants off the floor and grabbed a fresh pair of underwear before he disappeared into his tiny adjacent bathroom which was just big enough for a shower, a toilet and a small basin.
The shower every morning wasn't just necessary, it was mandatory in the organization that simply called themselves 'the rebels'. Not very creative, Calum admitted, but since they were underground fighters fighting against someone who called himself "the emperor", he though the name was fair.

Calum didn't take long to finish his shower since he kept his hair shoven close to his skull, and stepped back out into his tiny room to yank on his cargo pants and an olive green shirt.
He slipped into his combat boots and tossed his rough army jacket over his shoulder before securing his weapons belt to his hip and leaving the room.

Like every morning, he stopped at the door across the hall and knocked once before entering.
Locked doors were a luxury that had no place in the resistance. The base could be found any second and in case of an emergency, like a bomb being dropped on them, they'd have to evacuate in seconds. Locked doors were an unnecessary obstacle.

Calum pushed the door open and closed it behind him.
"Haaallluuuumm Hoooooooowwwwd," he heard Luke shout from the bathroom and seconds later, the familiar freckled face appeared in the doorframe. He grinned around the toothbrush jammed between his teeth.

"You got two minutes," Calum muttered after checking his watch, "Hurry the fuck up."

Luke rolled his eyes and disappeared back into the bathroom while Calum fell backwards on Luke's bed, sighing contently.

"Mate, what the fuck, get your dirty shoes away from my bed," Luke shouted immediately after stepping out of the bathroom and yanked Calums feet from his duvet.

"Chill dude," Calum snickered.

"Nouuu," Luke pouted while pulling his jacket from the closet, "No shoes on my bed."

Calum grinned but kept his mouth shut in favour of watching Luke crouch down to tie up his boots. Luke was still only in his cargo pants, a white tank top and now his boots. His blonde curls were spilling on his forehead and going every direction, some of them still dark and wet at the ends from the shower.

Calum wondered how much longer it would take Luke to figure out that hair that wasn't shaved short was as much an obstacle in the resistance as locked doors were. He hoped the day would not be soon.

Most people in the resistance wore thair hair buzzed for practical reasons, but it wasn't mandatory. Calum loved Luke's curls. They were fluffy, and messy, and looked amazing sticking to his sweaty forehead after a training session.
But Calum was sure Luke would shave his head sooner or later. He had only joined the resistance six moth ago after all.

Calum remembered the day Luke joined them very vividly and he didn't think he'd ever forget.
Michael, Ashton and him were on patrol in the southern parts of the territory when they came across the scene of a massacre. The emperor's lackeys had slaughtered a group of artists working out of an old warehouse. Luke had later explained they created flyers and comics and other art that was critiquing the system.

At first it had seemed like everyone on the scene was dead, until Calum had seen Luke twitch and had called Ashton over. Never had Calum been more happy to have Ashton as his group leader. Ashton was and had always been a very humane and just leader and instead of leaving the wounded man to die like most of the other fighters in the resistance would have done, he ordered Mike and him to take Luke back to the camp with them.

They had patched him up in the infirmay and once Luke had been recovered enough to stand up and walk, he had joined the resistance.

Calum knew Luke felt obligated to do so, since he owed Group #538 his life. Calum had told him he was free to go and that he didn't owe anyone shit but Luke had brought up a fair point by telling him he had nowhere to go and was supposed to be dead.

Luke had been made Group #538's responsibility. Ashton was a bit grumpy about that at first and Calum couldn't blame him. Luke was soft and innocent and not made for battle. But Calum also knew what time did for people like Luke. He already saw the changes in the younger boy. In a few month, Luke would be hard and bright like diamond.

"Let's go," Luke had finished dressing himself and was now looking down at Calum through his baby blue eyes.

"Alright, Hemmings," Calum muttered and pushed himself up with a deep sigh.

Outside the privacy of their rooms, the resistance fighters only referred to each other by last name. There was no space for deep human connections here. Too much was at stake to get distracted. Of course there were understandings, friendships, relationships even, but the key was to never show it to the greater public. Connections were read as your weak link. There was no space for a weak link.

Luke and Calum entered the huge auditorium of the underground bunker and stood in line for the morning asssmbly. Michael and Ashton were already there, standing perfectly still lined up with the members of group #472.

"You're up and on time," Calum mumbled quietly, once he had positioned himself next to Michael.

"Of course mate," Michael mumbled back, barely moving his mouth, "When have I ever not been?"

Calum surpressed a smile.
Michael and him were childhood friends and had joined the resistance together when the emperor started hunting and killing disloyal Australians. And since Calum and Michael never had any intention of following a raging fascist with a love for genocide, they slipped away and joined the underground fighters.

"Blondie," Michael nodded at Luke in acknowledgment.

"Stop calling me that," Luke hissed under his breath.

"Shut the fuck up. All of you," Ashton muttered, not taking his eyes off the small podium at the front of the room, where the resistance leader and his team counted the rows, "Or I'm making you run extra laps."

They all closed their mouths.

After morning assembly, the group decided to split up.

Michael wanted to go to the weapons workshop to work on some new ammunition with a few other demolition soldiers.
Ashton refused to let him go without him working out first though, so the two of them wandered off to the kickboxing gym.

Calum and Luke went to a combat training room that was covered in mats.

Lunch came quicker than expected and Calum was gald. Luke was taller and broader than him and continuously grew stronger by the day, making it harder and harder to win combat fights against him. And that didn't only hurt his ego, it hurt his muscles and bones as well.

After getting their serving of vegetables and grains, Luke and Calum strolled over to their designated table. Like everything, the tables were assigned by group.
Ashton and Michael were already shoveling down their meager lunch when Luke and Calum approached.

"Hood, Hemmings," Michael whooped, "Haven't seen your pretty faces since morning assembly."

"Yeah we practiced combat. And swordfighting," Calum said and took the chair opposite Ashton, "Turns out Hemmings is not bad at it."

"Not bad?! I beat you nine out of ten times!," Luke whined.

"Ouch," Michael grinned.

"Huh," Ashton muttered, "Make it ten out of ten next time."

"C'mon Irwin," Calum huffed, "Cut him some slack."

"Yeah, Blondie's been with us for like six month now. Hood and me were still tripping over our own feet by that time."

"Don't remind me," Ashton muttered, "four years later I am still recovering from training you idiots."

"Hey, okay, for real though," Calum said, "Hemmings has skill in swordfighting. And he's also pretty good at sneaking. I think I'd be smart to perfect those two skills, right? I mean we have Clifford for demo, you for close combat and parkour, me for sharpshooting. We could use some skill in the quiet department."

Ashton looked up at Calum and Luke.

"We'll train together tomorrow," Ashton stared at Luke, "I want to see your skills before I invest in your training."

"Yeah okay," Luke nodded quickly.

Calum felt pleased. Ashton had taken a long time to come around and accept Luke into their group.

"I really miss junk food," Michael sighed and picked at his dandelion salad.

"Ahhh, same dude," Calum moaned, "I can't wait for this fucking war to be over so we can open our diner together."

"You're bonkers," Ashton muttered.

"Pizza. I'd give anything for a slice," Michael muttered.

"Or ice cream," Calum said dreamily.

"Yeah no. You wouldn't want to eat that if you looked at the sugar content," Ashton chimed in.

"I don't care about the sugar content!," Calum whined and rolled his eyes.

"You should," Ashton glared at them. Michael was distracted though.

His eyes were following a girl dressed in the same uniform they were in and with her hair shaved close to her skull like Calums. She threw a quick glance toward their table before she quickly slipped out of the cafeteria.

"I gotta go," Michael said and stood up, "Uh.. I need to pee before the next session. I'll meet you in the training grounds."

"Yeah yeah, Cliffo," Calum waved him off, "make it quick and say hi to Lauderdale."

Michael flipped him off before making a beeline for the exit while trying to look unsuspicious.

It turned out Luke really did have a talent for swordfighting. Ashton spend the next few weeks drilling Luke day after day after day, and three weeks later, he was better than most sword fighters in the resistance.

Calum was watching Luke training one afternoon, when Ashton stomped into the gym.

"Oi, Hemmings," he called and motioned for him to come over. Calum drifted closer.

"Theres a mission Lieutenant Morrison wants you on. We're moving today at nightfall. Meet me in the auditorium at 6pm, I'll give you further instructions then," he muttered, "and keep your mouth shut. You keep your mouth shut as well. And the fuck are you standing around for?" He pointed at Calum. Calum put up his hands.

Luke nodded.

That night, Calum volunteered for night patrol, knowing very well that he wouldn't able to go to sleep until his two group mates were back in one piece. It was nearing midnight and patrol shift change when the group finally filed into the auditorium, one by one. They all seemed to be alive and relatively unharmed until he caught sight of Luke who looked like a ghost. Though his posture was straight and upright, his eyes were empty and his face as pale as the white walls.

Ashton quietly reported to one member of the leader team before the group was dismissed to their rooms.
Calum tried to get a hold of Luke when they moved past him through the corridor but Luke sidestepped and went past him without as much as a look at Calum.

Ashton trailed behind the group.

"Dude," Calum hissed under his breath and caught Ashton's wrists, "Hemmings looks like horseshit. What happened?"

"He killed someone in self defense," Ashton muttered, "Presumably his first kill. He'll get over it."

"Oh Jesus," Calum sighed and let go of Ashton's wrist, "Yeah. Alright. Well, everything else okay? You okay?"

"Yeah, there wasn't much of a struggle. Hemmings' kill was the only casualty. Noone of us was injured. I'd say that's a success," Ashton said quietly.

"Alright," Calum clapped him on the shoulder, "See ya in the morning."

Ashton nodded and went past him.

As soon as his shift was over, Calum went straight to his room and rummaged in his bottom drawer for the bottle. Once he got a hold of the emergency whiskey he kept around for bad days, he quietly slipped into the room across the hall.

He found Luke sitting on the floor, barefoot in his cargo pants and a black shirt. His back leant against the bedframe and he was staring at the opposite wall.

"Hey," Calum closed the door and walked over to sit next to Luke, "Here."

He held out the bottle and Luke finally moved to look at him. His eyes fell on the bottle and as soon as he realized what it was, he grabbed it and took a few big gulps of the whiskey.

Calum distantly wondered if he'd regret giving Luke the liquid. Luke could get addicted. It wasn't uncommon in the resistance. Or Luke could be a sober alcoholic, like Ashton.

Luke turned his head back to stare at the opposite wall.

"You did the right thing," Calum mumbled, pushing his other thoughts away to focus on the immediate situation at hand.

"I took someone's life away. That will never be the right thing," Luke said monotonously, "And also, you weren't there."

"I am very sure they would've taken yours," Calum argued.

Luke remained silent. Calum took the bottle and brought it to his lips.
"Don't beat yourself up. I know it's stupid to say that. But seriously. You'll get used to it. We're on different sides of the fight. They picked theirs, you picked yours."

Luke soflty shook his head.
"What if they didn't pick their side. What if they didn't have a choice?," he asked quietly.

"Luke," Calum said softly, "no. Stop."

Luke sighed heavily and let his head roll to the side so it was resting on Calums shoulder.

Before Luke, Calum never allowed any physical contact in the resistance. Michael's occasional shoulder squeeze was an exception.
He kept away from any form of hugging, touching and any other physical contact unless it was close combat training. No distractions. No weakness. And especially nothing that could potentially remind him of home. A home and a family that no longer existed.

But when Luke stumbled into his life, all soft blonde curls and sad blue eyes, Calum couldn't help himself. Luke was like a lost puppy and Calum had always had a thing for disastrous things.

So Luke was the only exception to the rule.

And Calum would be lying if he said he didn't like Luke's affection. Luke gave it out freely and naturally and Luke was always warm and soft and smelled good.

"I never asked for any of this," Luke said quietly. He sounded exhausted, but Luke had been here long enough to not be able to cry anymore.

"I know," Calum said softly and brought his hand up to bury it in Luke's soft curls, "I hope you know you had a choice, though."

Luke let out a long breath while Calums started slowly massaging Luke's skull. This was unusual. Usually Luke would seek the physical contact, never Calum.
But Calums brain started feeling fuzzy from the whiskey.

"Yeah," Luke said quietly, "My choice was this or immediate death."

"No. If you want I can still help you get out of here. You could hide somewhere in peace," Calum said.

"You know I can't leave," Luke mumbled.

"Yes you can," Calum insisted.

Luke lifted his head off Calums shoulder and looked at him.

"And what would you do without me?," Luke's lips quirked up.

"I managed just fine before you came along," Calum mumbled and rolled his eyes.

"Ah. I see how it is," Luke mused now, "So you wouldn't miss my face, or my hair, or my incredibly great personality?"

Calum huffed fondly but had to smile.

"You're so full of yourself, Hemmings."

Luke stuck his tounge out.
The silence that fell felt heavy again.

"I'm not leaving until this fight is over. I'm gonna fight for what's right and if it's the last thing I do," Luke mumbled, "I've lost too much while standing by and watching. Taking action is the least I can do."

"Hm," Calum hummed, "But you didn't just watch and stand by. We dug you out of the ruins of a system critical art community."

Luke shook his head softly.
"I'm not an artist," he brought the bottle to his lips again.

"Then what were you doing there?," Calum asked surprised.

"The artists were friends of my mum. My mum was an artist but I didn't get any of her talent. When the troops came to our house my mum begged me to run and gave me the address. She said the community would take me in if I tell them who I am. She was right," Luke sighed, "they gave me food and a place to sleep as long as I was underage."

"Wait- how old are you?," Calum asked.

"Turned nineteen last week," Luke mumbled.

"Oh," Calum said, "Uh, happy belated birthday."

Luke hummed. "Birthdays don't matter anymore."

"Birthdays always matter, dude. We need to hold on to the little things we have," Calum argued, "Here. Happy Birthday, Luke."
Calum lifted the bottle and toasted.

"Thanks man," Luke said after they both took another swig, "You being kind to me is honestly the best birthday present ever. I think haven't celebrated since my sixteenth. How old are you?"

"Turning twenty soon. So the community wasn't nice to you?," Calum asked.
Luke huffed.

"I was another mouth to feed with absolutely no talent. They were not thrilled," Luke cast his eyes down.

"No talent is a lie, Luke. You have plenty of talents," Calum said earnestly.

"Nothing that could potentially help in art business," Luke muttered.

"But why did they keep you in the community then?"

"Told you," Luke shrugged, "Mum. Her name was my ticket in. I don't know what her deal was with them. I wondered if maybe one of the men in the community was my father. I don't know. I don't want to know. It does not matter either way."
Luke played with the cap of the bottle.

"What happened to your mum?," Calum asked softly.

Luke took a moment to answer.
"I think they took her to a camp," Luke mumbled slowly, "I was gone before they arrived. But... I am pretty sure they took her to a work camp. They had no reason to kill her on the spot."

"You know we're working on systematically freeing every camp, right? We'll find your mum," Calum said.

"I don't know dude," Luke flicked the bottle cap away, "as long as I don't know the truth I can pretend she's still out there. So I don't know if I want to know the truth. Maybe they killed her like.."

"Stop," Calum said softly.

"I'm not doing anything," Luke muttered flatly.

"Yeah you do. You're blaming yourself," Calum handed over the bottle.

Luke kept his thoughts to himself in order to take a swig of whiskey.
By this point he was tipsy enough to not cringe at the taste anymore.

Luke shrugged.

"I killed someone."

"I killed hundreds of people in my time," Calum replied.

Luke kept bis gaze fixed on the carpet.

"Dude," Calum mumbled and reached out to bury his fingers in the curls at the nape of Luke's neck. He turned Luke's head so he was facing him.
"Stop beating yourself up. Stop it. These things happen. It's them against us. This is war."

Luke looked back at him with his bright baby blue eyes and Calum barely had enough time to push the tingly feeling in his chest down before Luke's lips were on his.

The tingly feeling exploded. Luke set his whole body on fire.
In the back of his head Calum was freaking out. This shouldn't be happening. He didn't need a weak link. He could not have a weak link. He didn't have enough space in his head to worry about another person, he needed all focus on the war.

But his body kept kissing Luke. And his heart beat out of his chest and his hands became clammy and his lips formed into a smile-

Luke broke away.

"I am so sorry," he breathed out with fear written all over his face, "Oh god. I shouldn't have overstepped. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

"Shut up, Hemmings," Calum mumbled and his eyes flicked back down to Luke's lips.
Calum blindly grabbed the whiskey bottle and gulped down a few more mouths full of the burning liquid before he turned back to the blonde man infront of him and reattached himself to him.

It was risky. Anyone could walk in on them since the door didn't lock.
But Calum hadn't felt like this in years and he was desperately chasing the high Luke's lips provided him.
Luke had started running his long fingers through Calums shaved hair and it took everything in him to not tear up. Suddenly he knew what he had been missing all those years and Luke was so gentle and honest and soft and Calum didn't deserve any of this, no matter if he wanted it or not.

When they broke apart a second time, the two of them stared at each other for a moment.

"I should go. We should sleep," Calum whispered.

"Sleep over," Luke mumbled.

"Luke," Calum sighed, "Anyone could walk in at any time."

"Please," Luke begged, "Please. Only tonight. Please."

And Calum was useless the moment Luke used his sad baby blues on him.

He sighed heavily and started untying his boots. Once he had kicked them off, he took off his sweatshirt and hoisted himself up on Luke's slim bed. He tucked himself all the way to the wall to make enough space for another grown man to fit and motioned for Luke to get in.

Luke clumsily crawled into the empty space Calum left for him and turned so his chest was tugged to Calum chest and he was facing him. Luke's breath smelled like a whole liquor store and his eyes were glossed over from tiredness and alcohol and Calum cursed the gentle bubble in his chest.

"Thanks," Luke whispered.

Calum nodded. Luke tugged his head under Calums chin and closed his eyes. Not knowing where else to put his limbs, Calum draped an arm over Luke's side and let himself bury his nose in Luke's curls.

The sirens cut through the night way earlier than Calum was ready.

Calum joilted awake and couldn't fight the urge to sit up straight in bed.
He promptly banged his head on the wall he had been squished against and his heart missed a beat when he realized he was not in his room.

A second later he felt the warm body next to him move and his heart missed another beat. Luke slowly blinked his eyes open and after the first disorientation wanished, his blue eyes widened.

"I better go shower," Calum mumbled while Luke pushed himself up on his elbows. It took everything in Calum to not reach out and brush the curls away from Lukes forehead. Instead he awkwardly climbed over Luke and out of bed while trying to make as little body contact as possible.

"Thanks," Luke mumbled while Calum collected his boots and hoodie off the floor, "for staying."

Calum stopped and turned to look at the younger man.

"Yeah," Calum said softly, "No problem."

He wanted to say so much more but he knew that it wouldn't do good to either of them so he quietly slipped out of Luke's room and into his own shower.

It was only two hours later when Calums little bubble burst.

"Today is the day. We act at nightfall," the leader shouted from the podium at morning assembly, "Every Unit is expected to be ready to go at 7pm. You'll be given further instructions after lunch. Get in training in the morning and group leaders make sure your unit is as best prepared as possible."

As soon as they were dismissed, Calum found himself in the office of the distributor of the troops.

"Please," Calum braced his hands on the office desk, "Hemmings is not fit for this."

"Hemmings is a very skilled swordfighter and willing to fight. And right now, we need every fighter we can get," Lieutenant Morrison said calmly, "Tonight is the biggest mission since we started this thing. This is what everyone has been preparing for."

"Hemmings killed someone for the first time yesterday. He's not in the right mindest to go again today," Calum insisted, "Do you remember how you felt-"

"Hood," she cut in, "Hood, you're one of our best man. You out of everyone should know how this works. Hemmings will not stay behind unless he is sick, injured or pregnant."

Calum pressed his teeth together and nodded once.

"Hood, you know what the best soldiers don't have that other's do?," Lieutenant Morrison asked.

"He's not my weak link," Calum immediately snapped, "I dragged him into this. I feel responsible."

"He's not your responsibility. You're here to fight, and so is he. Nothing more, nothing less. Irwin is responsible that all of you come back in one piece."

Calum said nothing.

"You're dismissed," she nodded.

Calum inclined his head and left the room.

He didn't have any more luck with Ashton after lunch.

"Yeah," Ashton muttered, "He seems a bit out of it. But he'll manage. He's tougher than he looks, you know? He looks like a cinnamon roll but proved yesterday that he's absolutely able to kill you. Have a bit more faith in him."

So Calum laid it to rest and started clearing his mind to focus on the mission.

Which was hard, considering Luke was right there infront of his nose all day.

Ashton had them doing combat in the morning, team building before lunch and a strategy meeting at the lunch table.
After lunch, they were called up to Lieutenant Morrison for further instructions on the missions.
Group #538 would be sent out to an abandoned fort in the desert south to the base camp. There had been traceable activities lately and soldiers reported the fort being reenforced again, leaving the resistance to believe it might be turned into an outpost for the emperor's troops.

Ashton sent them all to their rooms at 6:30 to gear up and get ready.
Calum collected all the revolvers he had and systematically strapped them to the weapons belt around his hip. He had two shotguns on his back and about a dozen knifes strapped to his leg.
With his hand already on the door handle, he stopped and took a second to breath. His eyes found the picture he had taped to the wall next to the door immediately.
He closed his eyes for a moment. Breathed in. Breathed out.

"For you," he whispered to the image of his parents and his sister, immortalized on fading paper.

He opened the door and slipped into the room across the hall.

Luke was ruffling through his closet, getting all the gear he'd collected over the past months.

"Hey," Calum said quietly after a moment.

Luke startled and hit his head on the bottom of a shelf board.

"Ow," he rubbed his head and turned around.

"Dude," he mumbled, "You're a walking armoury."

"Here," Calum tossed a legstrap over, "Can't fit a sword in it but knifes are an underrated lifesaver if everything else fails."

"Thanks," Luke inspected the leather contraption before he looked back up at Calum.

"Whats that face for?," Luke asked when he saw the frown etched in Calums features.

"How are you?," Calum asked.

"Fine," Luke waved him off.

"Don't bullshit me," Calum huffed.

"I'm okay, I promise," Luke insisted, "it's fine. I have something to focus on now."

"Luke, there might be-," Calum started but Luke interrupted him.

"I know there's the possibility of me having to kill again today. But it's the best way to face my demons. I'll have to learn to cope anyway."

Calum sighed and rubbed his face.

"Why are you so worried about me?," Luke asked small, "I thought you didn't do friendships."
Calum remembered him snapping this sentence at Luke during the first few days he was with them.

"I thought you'd have realized I lied back then after watching me with Mike and Ash," Calum huffed.

Luke smiled small.
"So you do care," he said quietly.

"Luke...," Calum looked away, "Now's not the fucking time."

"Yeah," Luke said, "Okay. Actions speak louder than words anyway."
He flashed Calum a cheeky grin.

Calum both wanted to punch and kiss that stupid grin off Luke's stupid beautiful face.

"Gear up," he muttered, "we have eight minutes."

Luke nodded and continued digging through his closet until he found a chest strap.

Calum helped him secure two swords across his back, one at his hip and then the knives on the leg strap.

"All done," Luke grinned proudly.

Calum and Luke were standing in the center of the room, facing each other.

"Head in the fight," Luke said.

"You're a fast learner," Calum nodded.

"I've been here for six months," Luke said, "I'm not the baby I used to be."

Calum nodded.

"Wanna meet back here after it's over?," Luke asked quietly, an edge of uncertainty in his voice.

"Yeah," Calum nodded.

Luke smiled.

"Ready?," Calum asked.

Luke nodded.

"All focus on the field," he said, both to himself and Luke. And out the door the went.

All groups left at 7pm and went on their assigned missions all over the country.

Once Group #538 had taken a military car out into the desert and hiked across the sand dunes for another hour, they saw the silhouette of an abandoned fort looming infront of them.

"I'll check the perimeter," Ashton muttered, "You stay here."

Luke, Michael and Calum crouched in the shadow of a rock, peeking around it to keep an eye on the fort.

"Looks abandoned to me," Michael muttered.

"Like your brain," Calum muttered.

Michael lightly shoved Calum.

"We won't know until we get in," Calum mumbled, "So don't take this lightly."

After circling the fort twice, Ashton called them together.

"There's one main entrance and no sign of any other way to get in. Clifford, you go first and blow the door to pieces. After that, you'll return here. I will go into the fort first. Hemmings, you're with me to clear my back. Hood and Clifford, you guard the entrance. Henmings and I will call for backup if we need you. All clear?"

The four of them nodded.

"All right. Clifford, do your worst," he looked at Michael and Michael nodded enthusiastically before disappearing into the bushes.

The three soldiers left behind ducked into the shadows of the meager trees and saw Michael swiftly moving toward the large double doors. It only took him a minute before he had fixed whatever contraption he had prepared on the door and then swiftly made his way back to the group.

"Hemmings, ready?," Ashton mumbled. Luke nodded.

"Clifford, wait for us to be halfway to the door before you blow it up. Every second counts," Ashton instructed before he motioned for Luke to follow him into the shadows.

Michael and Calum waited and watched.
Ashton was ducking his way from stone to bush to stone, always keeping to the shadows. Luke was a few steps behind.
When there was no bush or rock left between them and the fort, Ashton jumped up and broke into a run.

"Do you think that's about halfway there?," Michael asked.

"Just do it, dude," Calum mumbled, "A few inches don't matter."

Michael pressed the button and the door exploded. Once the smoke had cleared, Ashton scrambled up from where he had thrown himself to the ground to avoid the worst of the explosion and broke into a run again, Luke on his heels.
They both disappeared through the opening.

"C'mon," Calum crept forward.

"Aren't we supposed to patrol the perimeter and guide the entrance?," Michael asked.

"From here? Dude," Calum huffed.

Michael stuck out his tounge and crept after Calum.
They slowly inched their way toward the fort.

Once they were pressed against the crumpling wall of the fort close to the new hole in the wall, Calum could see what once must've been a beautiful courtyard inside. Now it was in ruins and overgrown my vines.

He saw Ashton creeping along one of the broken structures while Luke turned in a circle on the other side of the yard, taking in the archways on every side of the square.
Calum held his breath for a moment while he watched Luke moving swift like a shadow.

For you. The words had formed in his head before he realized it and his heat skipped.

"Eyes on the enemy, not Loverboy," he heard Michael whisper next to him and Calum flipped him off.

"Not the time, Clifford," he huffed under his breath, both to Michael and to himself. Now was not the time to wallow in the fact that he had something new to fight for. And something he could still lose.

He was about to turn back to scan the landscape outside when he saw a movement out of the corner of his eyes.

Before his name could form on Calums tounge, a masked soldier had come up behind Ashton and slid his throat. Ashton crumpled to the ground in a gurgling mess of red and olive green.

Calum barely kept himself from screaming and instead dug his nails in Michaels arm to get his attention. At the same moment, another masked soldier appeared on top of one of the archways and set fire to a package in his hand.

Calums heart lept out of his chest.

"Luke!," he screamed and lurched forward, well aware that he would never reach Luke in time. Startled, Luke turned to Calum.
The soldier on the arch behind Luke dropped the package.

Lukes baby blue eyes widened when he saw Calums racing toward him and for a moment time slowed down. This moment would forever be etched into the structure of Calums brain.

Calum saw Luke's wide blue eyes and his blonde curls backlit from an orange blaze. Words were forming on Luke's lips but before they could leave his mouth, he was swallowed up completely by the fireball.

The detonation reached Calums ears a moment later and the shock wave was enough to throw him back into a wall.

All air was knocked from his lungs and when the smoke and dust cleared, Calum saw a masked soldier running towards him.

Rage blew up in him like the bomb that had just turned two of his team to ashes.
He jumped up, ignored the searing pain in his shoulder and started running towards the soldier at full speed, one revolver in each hand.

"Calum, stop!," Michael screamed but Calum didn't stop.
They collided in the middle of the scorched courtyard and Calum didn't stop. He took out the first soldier, and then the second, and they just kept coming. He saw Michael join him after a moment but he didn't stop, kept shooting, kept throwing punches, kept stabbing knifes, kept going until it was just him, Michael, and a pile of bodies in a pool of blood in the black scorched landscape.

Calum was breathing heavily and staring at the scene infront of him. His vision was fuzzy and his brain felt mushy.

"Calum, what the fuck?," Michael yelled at him and came over, waving his hand infront of his best friends face. Calum looked at him, sill breathing hard.

Michael searched Calums gaze but Calum couldn't focus on anything. The world was moving too fast. Calums world had stopped the second the bomb had exploded but for everyone else it kept spinning. Calums brain couldn't keep up.

Michaels face softened.
"C'mon, we should head back to the base," Michael threw an arm around Calum and guided him out of the black hole in the wall.

In retrospect Calum didn't remember much of that day. The only thing that kept repeating in his head was the image of Luke's blue eyes staring at him while the world around him caught fire.
That night, Calum went to bed and cried.

 

--- SEVEN YEARS LATER ---

 

"Gooooood morning Australia and thanks for tuning in on this memorable day. We're here with Lieutenant Michael Clifford, one of the heros of the war against the self proclaimed "Emperor". We're gonna chat with him about his time as an underground fighter and his work as Calum Hoods right hand and closest confidant. Good morning, Lieutenant Clifford," the Interviewer grinned brightly.

"Hi," Michael smiled, "Please, call me Michael."

"Michael, we are here on this very special day. We will be live at the funeral procession for Calum Hoods memorial later today but for now we have one of his closest confidants and friends here with us. Michael, you have known Calum Hood for a long time, haven't you?," the interviewer asked.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. We grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the same school where we became friends. Once the war intensified we joined the resistance together," Michael said.

"How old were you back then?," the interviewer asked.

"Too young," Michael simply said.

"Hm. Well, Michael, how does it feel now that it's all over?," she asked.

"It feels odd. I thought I'd be thrilled, but I'm not. It's a mixture of feelings. On one side I'm really happy it's over. I'm happy I can start a new and better life with my finance who was also part of the resistance. But I'm also very scared. The resistance is all I've known since I was very young. I finished highschool but never went to college. I don't know how to life a normal life and it's scary to learn that in your late twenties. And also, I've always imagined Calum being here for the afterwards. I don't know a life without him so, that's something I'm still getting used to."

"Yeah, I'm sorry for your loss," the interviewer said.

"We've all lost someone in the war. Everybody knows someone who has lost their life fighting. And I think patronizing all of us resistance fighters is the wrong way to cope with this. I have killed hundreds of people. So has everyone in the resistance. Remeber that. I, for one, don't want to be praised for that," Michael said, "And I know Cal wouldn't have wanted that either. We all simply did what we thought had to be done. We killed like they killed."

The interviewer looked displeased. She needed this to be a hero story for the world to eat it up.

"You lead the fight to freeing this country though," she said clipped, "and later at the memorial you'll be rewarded the medal of honor for your service to Australia. What else can we expect from the ceremony?"

"Well, it's a memorial, as you said. There will be a speech from the new premiere minister. Then the medal ceremony which will take some time. There's a few hundreds of us getting honored. Then a few of us will say a few words and honor some of the soldiers we have lost over the years. There are too many to honor them all today but I hope everyone will keep their names in their hearts because they died for us to be free today. And then there's the funeral procession where the families and friends, who wanted to take part in this procession, lay to rest the soldiers that have died in the last few days of this war. Calum is one of them."

"Now Michael, Calum Hood has been the leader and head of the resistance for the last five years. What was his driving force?," the interviewer asked.

Michael hesitated a moment.
"He lost someone that was very important to him. Important in ways I could never quite grasp 'cause he wouldn't talk about it. After he lost that someone, he was never the same. He was determined to dedicate his life and every single piece of strength and focus he had to winning this war. That made him an excellent leader, but very unreachable for a lot of people. He only trusted a few and opened up to even less."

"Well, Michael, it was lovely chatting with you," the interviewer said, "Calum Hood will remain a mysterious hero who saved us all. Before we cut to our colleagues at the memorial preparation, Michael, if there's anything you could say to Calum right now, what would you say?"

"Well, first of all," Michael raised his eyebrows, "Fuck you for leaving me alone in this. We said brothers forever, dude. Who the fuck am I supposed to open the Cliff Hood Diner with now? And secondly: Bro. I hope that, wherever you are, you are finally reunited with the person you did all this for."

Chapter 17: FREE FALLING - Mashton

Summary:

Michael and Ashton are dating in secret when Michael gets outed online after a night out partying.

Originally posted: October 2023 on Wattpad

"I love the way you're screaming my name!," Luke yelled into the microphone.

"I'd say that was pretty good," Calum smiled.

"Rehearsal time is over! Doors for soundcheck open in 20 minutes!," they heard their stage manager yell from the side. They all put their instruments away and filed off the stage of tonight's venue.

Luke and Calum were first, while Michael hung back and lingered at the side of the stage to wait for Ashton.

Ashton still fumbled on the drum kit before he noticed Michael was waiting. He flashed Michael a big smile and finally climbed out from behind his drum kit.

"Hey," Ashton said as soon as he was in earshot, "that was pretty good."
You were pretty. And good. And amazing were his eyes saying but that was something to be kept quiet until they were behind closed doors.

Michael beamed back. "Yeah, pretty awesome," he grinned.
Ashton threw an arm around Michaels shoulder and together they went backstage.

"I'll need to grab a couple of clamps and screws to fix the kit. It's a bit loose," Ashton informed Michael once they were at the backstage room. Ashton's hand brushed Michaels for a moment and then he set off down the hall while Michael entered the room.

"Whoooohoooo," Luke whooped, "that was nice. Tonight's gonna be fucking epic!"

Michael rolled his eyes. Luke was already hyping himself up and getting on that 6pm adrenaline train that'd reach it's peak at 9 when they'd step on stage.

Michael was far from even starting to pump himself up. But he swallowed the snappy remark forming on his tongue.

Michael and Luke were like salt and gasoline. They fought viciously, bickered relentlessly and loved and protected each other fiercely.

They were, in every way, like siblings.

"Let's go out tonight," Luke suggested, "We haven't been clubbing in forever."

"You know I'm always down," Calum shrugged and opened the first can of beer, ready to join Luke on his hype train.

"Will you go ask Loverboy?," Luke asked Michael.

"Stop calling Ashton Loverboy!," Michael glared.

"Well, what do you call him? Daddy?," Luke teased back.

Michael took the closest item he could reach and hurled it at Luke's head. Lucky for him, Luke ducked just in time to avoid having his own converse collide with his face.

Michael drifted back out of the room and to the storage space at the end of the hall where he hoped to find Ashton.

As Michael suspected, Ashton was rummaging in one of the black storage boxes labeled "ASHxX".

"Hey," Michael approached his boyfriend.

Thinking "my boyfriend" and meaning Ashton still sent goosebumps down his spine. It was all still so new.

And by that he meant it was surreal to be able to call Ashton his boyfriend after years of pining.

He couldn't remember not being in love with Ashton.

He vaguely remembered realizing that friendly admiration for his fellow bandmate was okay and absolutely normal as far as his drumming or his songwriting or his knowledge about music went. But that it definitely stopped at admiring his biceps, or staring at his ass, or having sex dreams about him.

So Michaels brain still hadn't caught up with the fact that Ashton was something he could have in any way he wanted.
Four month of dating wasn't enough to convince him that Ashton chose him. Wanted Michael in all the ways Michael wanted him.

"Luke wants to go out tonight after the show," Michael mumbled.

"Okay, cool," Ashton nodded and continued fishing drum screws out of the box, "that's fun. I'll be the designated driver."

Michael snorted. "With what? The tour bus??"

Ashton finally found what he was looking for and sat the box down in favour of grinning at Michael.

"I still don't understand how you're able to enjoy that shit without alcohol," Michael shook his head.

"If anything, sobriety taught me that alcohol is not the answer. The reason you drink before going to a club is because you are anxious. Alcohol won't fix that in the long run," Ashton shrugged.

"I'm only looking for a quick fix so I can stand Luke's drunk ass," Michael muttered.

"I don't understand why you two always have to bicker," Ashton huffed fondly.

"It's fun," Michael whined, "passes time. Feels natural. It's our love language, dude."

"Well I'm glad you speak a different love language with me then," Ashton threw him a sly smile.

Ashton packed the box back and came over to Michael.

"You were really good up there," Ashton said, always making sure to try and make Michael feel less insecure about himself.

"Thanks," Michael smiled small, "you too."
Michael reached out his hand and tugged on Anton's sweater sleeve until Ashton stepped closer into Michaels space.

"Good luck kiss," Michael mumbled.

"As many as you want," Ashton smiled and leant in.
After a few soft kisses, Ashton placed a last one on Michaels nose and then stepped back.

"I need to go fix my drum kit," Ashton said, "We'll continue this later."

"I'll hold you to that," Michael raised an eyebrow, "but you might be busy babysitting three drunk kids."

"Pfff," Ashton waved him off, "been doing this for eight years now."

Ashton picked up the thing he had pulled out of the box earlier.

"What's that?," Michael asked.

"You seriously don't know what this is for?," he held up a mental clamp.

Michael shrugged helplessly.

Ashton shook his head and set off towards the door, "You're disappointing my drummers heart."

"Teach me to get better, then," Michael whined, getting defensive.

"Oh I will," Ashton muttered when he was just past Michael, "Some hands on practice. I'll bang you like my drums."

The thing was, this comment was nothing out of the ordinary. All of them were making off handed sexual comments all the time.
But knowing that this wasn't just playful banter and that Ashton actually meant what he said made Michael feel hot and prickly in the best way possible.

Somewhere at the end of the hallway he could hear Calum gag excessively.
"I am gonna pretend I did not hear that," Calum gagged some more.

"You're just jealous, baby," Ashton replied.

Here we go again.

 

***

 

"Teqwwwilaaaaa," Luke shouted, from the other room, "Mike, c'mon!! Will you drink tequila with me?"

"Luke, I hate tequila!," Michael yelled back, barely being able to compete with with music blaring through the room. He shrugged on a black shirt and leant up to collect a kiss from Ashton who was in the middle of toweling his hair dry after his post show shower.

"Luke, everyone hates tequila. Shut the fuck up. Nobody likes you," Calum yelled from somewhere else.

Michael entered the room in time to see Luke's shoulders slump and he put his cup down.
Luke felt everything so much stronger when he was drunk, and Calum always got so snappy and unfiltered.

"C'mon," Michael went over to Luke, "You promised me tequila."

Luke looked at him quizzically.
"You don't like tequila," Luke said.

"Shut up, Luke. Don't make me regret offering to drink tequila with you," Michael glared.

Luke still didn't move.

"C'mon," Michael urged and grabbed the empty cup, "we don't have all night. We have a party to get to."

Luke smiled small while unscrewing the tequila.
"Love ya, bro," Luke mumbled.

"Yo mom," Michael instantly replied.

"YOUR mom," Luke shot back.

"I love your mom," Michael said, like always.

"Yeah, she's pretty cool," Luke nodded along.

They took the tequila shot.

Luke fished something out of his pocket.

"Will you help me?," he asked and held the small box of glitter out to Michael.

"You already have glitter on your eyelids," Michael said confused.

"Yeah, but one side is screwed from the show. And I want some on my cheeks too," Luke explained.

Michael took it upon himself to carefully dip his index finger into the silver glitter and gently applied it on Luke's left eyelid and cheekbones.

"Thanks mate," Luke beamed, "You're a legend. You should take some glitter. Here."

Before he could stop him, Luke had dippd his finger in the glitter and spread it across michaels cheeks.

"Luke, what the fuck!," Michael glared.

"You need that sparkle!," Luke whined, "you always look so emo!"

"Everyone ready?," Ashton came out of the bathroom and stopped next to Michael. He sneaked an arm around him and put his hand in the back pocket of Michaels jeans.

"Creep," Michael hummed but leant in closer to Ashton.

"The Uber will be here in 5 minutes," Ashton announced.

He turned his head to look at Michael and his eyes widened slightly.

"You look nice," Ashton mumbled, "I like the glitter."

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Luke smirk in satisfaction.

"You can thank Picasso Hemmings over there," Michael rolled his eyes and nodded his head to Luke.

"Do you think I can finish this in one go?," Luke held up the tequila bottle which was still a quater full.

"You probably could but if you do, we will leave you here," Ashton said nonchalantly.

"Why?," Luke whined.

"Luke, you're drunk. No point in getting more drunk than drunk. You don't want to be too hungover in the morning," Ashton reasoned.

Luke sighed sadly.

"Okay, buzz kill," he pouted all the way to the table but put the bottle down anyway.

"Where's Cal?," Ashton asked.

"Smoking," Luke picked up his wallet and leather jacket, "I'm good to go."

 

***

 

The club was crowded and dark. Neon lights flashed and the bass vibrated in Michaels torso. He had Luke next to him on one side and Ashton pressed close to him, their chests touching.
Calum had wandered off to the bar.

There was commotion in the crowd and Michael looked over Ashton's shoulder to see what the hell was going on.
Then he wished that he hadn't.

His eyes met a familiar set of hazel eyes and Michael saw the recognition on the other guys face immediately.

He waved and started pushing through the crowd towards Michael.

"Shit," Michael swore.

"What??," Ashton turned his head but kept his front close to Michael.

"Shit shit," the man came closer and closer.

"Mike??," Ashton asked.

"An old fling. Fuck oh god why is he coming over," Michael panicked.

"Do you want me to fight him?," Ashton asked.

"What?," Michaels voice was a few octaves too high, "No!"

"You know I would," Ashton shrugged.

"I know! But let me deal with this, yeah?," Michael asked and softly squeezed Ashton's hand before breaking away to meet Adam half way.

"Mikey!," Adam grinned and Michael internally cringed at the name, never having claimed it and usually only allowing his parents to call him that.

"Hey Adam," Michael smiled awkwardly.

"Dude, it's been fucking ages!," Adam drew Michael into his arms.

"Uh. Yeah. Four months," Michael gently wiggled out of Adams grip.

"But who's counting, right?," Adam laughed.

Michael felt incredibly uncomfortable.

"You haven't been retuning any of my calls, dude," Adam said, "Changed your number or something?"

"Uh, yeah," Michael went along, "yeah, sorry. I.. lost your number when I got a new phone."
God, Michael needed to come up with better lies.

"Doesn't matter anymore. We're here now, right? Fate brought us back together," Adam grinned and reached out to put his hand on Michaels shoulder.

More like karma Michael thought. Guess that's what you got when you ghost people.

"Hey, Adam, can we talk somewhere quiet?," Michael asked.

"Sure thing, lead the way, pretty boy," Adam grinned.

Michael steered toward the exit, throwing a quick glance at Ashton and flashing him a small reassuring smile.

The air outside the club was still warm and stuffy but at least the music was a lot quieter.
There were a few people mingling in a group on the other side of the street but other than that, the front of the club was pretty deserted.

Michael turned around to face Adam.
Adams face was illuminated by the yellow light of the neon club sign and the light of the street lamp.
He was beautiful, all planes and edges and full lips and beautiful hazel eyes.

But at the end of the day, he'd just been a stand-in on an endless list of stand-ins for another boy whose name started with A who had hazel eyes that were much prettier than the pair looking at him now.

"Look, Adam," Michael nervously scratched his neck, "you're great. You're a very nice guy-"

"Oh crap, I know where this is going," Adam sighed.

Michael shrugged helplessly.

"You don't have to say it tonight. We don't have to talk. We could use our mouths to do better things," Adam winked.
Michael couldn't stop himself from cringing away.

"Oh really?," Adam frowned, "What the fuck was that for? A couple month ago you were begging me to touch you and now this?"

"That was a couple of month ago!," Michael whined, "Times change, Adam!"

"Clearly!," Adam snapped, "Look, Michael, I really really liked you, okay? Maybe I still do. I liked you enough to be a self-destructive little shit and tell myself that you'd fall in love with me if we just kept screwing around long enough. But clearly, that didn't work out."

"Adam, I'm sorry, I really am. I-," Michael struggled for words, "I was just not looking for something serious."

"So it was just sex for you?," Adam asked, looking like he definitely already knew the answer.

"I'm sorry," Michael sounded like a broken record.

Adam sighed.
"Look, Mikey, if you want to, we can continue being casual. We don't have to be anything serious if you don't want a relationship right now. We can continue doing what we did. Because I really enjoyed it, and I think you did, too," he offered.

Michael sighed.

"Look, Adam, I can't. I really don't want to. It's not you, I swear. Things just changed," Michael said calmly.

"Like what?," Adam threw his hands up.

"I have a boyfriend," Michael said.

Adam stared at him. "Are you serious?," he laughed humorless.

"Yes, I am. And I love him. And that's why I cut ties. I'm sorry, I should've told you. I could've managed this a lot better. But I didn't and I know sorry won't make it up to you but I hope you understand," Michael said.

"I can't believe you used me like that," Adam snapped, clearly hurt, "God, Michael, I thought you were different. Why do I always fall for guys like you?? Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you, Michael Clifford."

Adam pushed past Michael and stomped down the street, not looking back.

Michael sighed and leant his back against the side of the club. The group on the other side of the street had stopped talking and was staring at him and he flipped them off. They rushed to turn away and started a conversation back up.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

And another.

And another.

Eventually, he heard the door to the club open and someone stepping up to him.

Ashton had the hood of his sweater pulled over his head and his hands buried in his pockets.

"Hey, are you okay?," he asked softly.

"Yeah," Michael sighed, "I guess at one point karma comes back to kick your ass and the people you've hurt show up out of nowhere. I've been a giant ass and I got what I deserved but it still feels shitty."

"Did he hurt you?," Ashton asked quickly.

"Oh, no," Michael shook his head, "No. I hurt him. Not physically. But, y'know. It's whatever."

Michael reached out his hands and buried them in the front pockets of Ashton's sweater with Ashton's hands.

"How about you kiss it better?," Michael asked.
Ashton huffed fondly but leant in to connect their lips anyway.

 

***

 

When Michael woke up the next morning, the left side of the bed in the back of the tour bus was empty.

He blearily sat up and stretched before starting his journey to find his boyfriend.
Michael walked to the front of the bus where they had a tiny build in kitchen. Luke and Calum were cramped into the small booth, both nursing a cup of coffee.

As soon as they spotted Michael, they stopped talking. Both of them stared at him.

Michael stopped in his tracks and frowned.

"What?," he asked irritated. He looked down on himself but couldn't find any source for the staring.
He looked back up.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that??," Michael asked.

Luke and Calum exchanged a glance.

"What the fuck guys?!," Michael grew impatient, "what the fuck is going on???! And where the fuck is Ash?"

"Ash went for a run," Luke mumbled and avoided Michael gaze.

"Luke. I am not messing around. What the fuck is going on, tell me now" Michael said, dangerously calm.

"Have you checked your phone yet?," Luke asked small.

"I-," Michael frowned, "no?"

Luke's eyes slowly trailed up and met Michaels.

"Oh god," Michaels heart sank, "What Luke? Who wrote an article about us?"

"Nobody," Luke whispered, "someone recorded bits of your conversation with your ex yesterday and uploaded it. It's all over Twitter and Insta.."

Michaels blood ran cold. His legs felt numb, his heart sank all the way down to the coil in his stomach.

"What... what bits?"

"Uhm," Luke cleared his throat, "the part in which you told him it was just sex and that he better leave you alone now because you have a boyfriend. There are also some blurry ass photos of you kissing Ash, but since Ashton wore a hoodie and it was very dark, you can't tell it's him. I swear, we have reported everything and tried to get the person to take it all down but it has already spread. Mike.. Mike I'm so fucking sorry.."

Without another word, Michael turned around and went back to sit on his bed and grabbed his phone.
And there it was, all over the internet.

Michael Clifford had been outed by a stranger.

It was on Twitter. On Instagram. News outlets started popping out articles. Buzzfeed votings about who his mysterious boyfriend was.
Fans fighting each other, people trying to debunk the videos as fake, Facebook groups trying to identify the person who recorded the video, tiktoks trying to identify his mysterious boyfriend.

The longer Michael looked, the worse it got.
He logged out of his Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and TikTok account and shut his phone off.
He then pushed throught the bus, determined to find Ashton.

"Mike," Luke started when he reentered the kitchen but Michael shook his head.

"I need a moment. I'll be waiting outside for Ash," Michael mumbled and gently pushed past Luke and Calum.

Michael sat down on the sidewalk and waited. His thoughts were racing along with his heart. He tried coming up with ways to get out of this mess but always pulled up short.

It didn't take long until he heard shoes pounding on the pavement.

Ashton slowed down once he caught sight of Michael and slowly walked over. Michael craned his neck to look up at him.
For a moment they just looked at each other.

Ashton sat down on the pavement in front of Michael. He carefully reached out his hand and took Michaels cold ones in his.

"I didn't want it to happen like this," Michael said, very quietly.

Ashton shook his head. "It shouldn't have happened like this."

"Well, it did though," Michael sounded bitter.

Ashton squeezed his hands softly.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could undo it," he said softly, "and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up and found out."

Michael softly shook his head. "Luke told me. I didn't check my phone after I woke up. Went to look for you. But it's fine. I hope the run helped clear your head a bit."

Ashton shrugged half heartedly.

"Makes you feel powerless, doesn't it? Someone took the choice to share this big thing about ourselves from us," Michael mumbled.

"Hey, we'll get through this, yeah?," Ashton brought Michaels hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles.

"Yeah, okay," Michael whispered.
A moment of silence passed in which both men chased their thoughts.

"What are we gonna do now?," Michael eventually asked, "I mean, we have to ro adress it. This is too big to ignore."

Ashton shifted uncomfortably and avoided looking at Michaels face.

"Ash?," Michael asked.

"Mike, baby," Ashton started, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I love you, okay? But.. you can't even really tell it's me in the photos.."

Michael abruptly let go of Ashton's hands and recoiled.

"What the fuck are you saying?," Michaels voice shook.

"Mike, listen," Ashton held up a soothing hand, "since nobody can tell it's me, we can continue to keep this between us. Like we said we would, for now. For the bands sake."

"For your sake, you mean," Michael bit out, "you don't want to be a part of this mess, huh?" His voice was calm but it shook.

"I'm not ready, Michael," Ashton threw up his hands, "I am not ready for the world to know about us. Fuck, I haven't even told my family I'm bisexual yet ! I don't want them to find out like this!"

"And you think I told my parents about this??," Michael exploded, "I haven't told anyone yet, Ashton. Nobody else knows that I'm gay, except for Cal and Luke! We both agreed to keep it on the low. But now that it's out, you don't have the balls to fucking stand by my side. Is that what I am to you? A fuck that you want to hide from everyone because you're embarrassed of yourself? Of me?"

Michaels words were poison. He wasn't crying, he was furious. The fire burned hot inside him and he welcomed it. As long as the rage burned he didn't have to feel his heart break.

"You know it's not like that!," Ashton snapped back, raising his voice too, "why the fuck would you say that? You fucking know I love you! I just want to be able to decide for myself when I am ready to reveal this part of me to the world!"

"Well, Ashton, that fucking choice got taken from me! And all I am asking you is to fucking own up and be in this with me because you are my boyfriend and there are fucking photos of us making out on the fucking internet and everybody is talking about it! I am asking you to stand with me, not to fucking watch me struggle alone and make up fucking lies about who my boyfriend is! You are part of this mess! So take some of this cluster fuck and show me I am more important to you that someone's opinion on the fucking internet!"

Ashton glared at him, fists working at his sides.
After a moment he got up and turned to leave.

"Fuck you, Ashton Irwin!," Michael screamed after him, "Fuck you for leaving me now that I need you the fucking most!"

Ashton didn't look back. He broke into a jog again, rounded the corner and was gone.

Michael let a few angry tears fall to his cheeks before he furiously wiped them dry and continued to stare daggers into the pavement between his feet.
He distantly heard the door to the bus unlock and someone walking up to him before the world turned dark because a giant was blocking the morning sun.

Luke said nothing. He sat down next to Michael, making sure their shoulders were pressed against each other.

"I'm sorry this is happening," Luke mumbled, "we never should've gone partying."

"Luke, shut up. It's not your fault," Michael muttered.

"No, I know," Luke said, "I know. But.. I don't know. Since I can't change what happened my brain keeps coming up with how we could've avoided this. I... I just hate that you got hurt like that."

Michael softly shook his head.
"I think I'm more upset about Ashton leaving me to deal with this alone," Michael mumbled, "he's part of this. Why does he get to run away?"

"I know," Luke mumbled, "I understand. I get why you feel betrayed by him."

"Good," Michael mumbled, "so I'm not overreacting.."

"Hell no," Luke said forcefully.

"Okay," Michael whispered, "Ash seems to think so."

Luke remained silent.

"What about Cal?," Michael asked small.

Luke shook his head.
"Don't make us pick sides," Luke mumbled.

"I'm not! I'm not making you pick sides," Michael rushed out, "I just thought.."

"Yeah, I guess I did pick a side. I think Ashton is acting like an asshole who doesn't take responsibility," Luke shrugged.

Michael let out a long shakey breath and leant his head against Luke's shoulder.

"Me too," he whispered.

Michaels phone started ringing.

Looking at the caller ID, he saw the name of the head of their management team flash across the sceen.

"Wondered when they'd call to hand my ass to me," Michael muttered.

"They're not gonna-"

"Michael Clifford?," Michael picked up the call, effectively shuting Luke up.

"Hey Michael, it's Betsy," the middle-aged woman sounded surprisingly calm.

"Hi..," Michael's confidence crumbled and suddenly, he wished for nothing more than a hug from his mum. He quickly tried doing the mental math to see if his parents would be awake by now to see the internet go crazy.
Luke seemed to notice his change and gently pressed his knee to Michaels.

"How are you?," Betsy asked carefully.

"Been better," Michael mumbled.

"Look, Mike, I'm obviously not going to lecture you," Betsy said calmly, "I'm calling to hear your view on this and see if we can figure out where to go from here."

"Yeah, okay," Michael said softly, "Well, if you were wondering, the videos are real and all that I am saying is true. I wasn't that drunk. Which- god, I should've known better than to have these kinds of conversations outside on the street."

"Yeah," Betsy sighed, "that was a bit stupid. What about the photos?"

"I mean," Michael's grip on his phone tightened, "You can barely tell it's me. The other person is unrecognizable."

There was silence on the line.

"Mike, I obviously can't force you to tell me who you're dating. But if you tell us who it is, we can protect them and you a lot better. It's always better to know what we're working with."

"No," Michael said, a bit too forcefully, "I'm not giving up his identity."

"Okay," Betsy said, "okay. As I said, I can't force you to. So, any idea what you want your next move to be?"

"I have to adress it, don't I? This is too big to sweep under the rug?," Michael asked.

"I fear you'll have to, yeah," Betsy said sympathetically.

"Well, no. I have no clue," Michael mumbled.

"Have you talked to the other boys?," Betsy asked, "First and foremost I think it's important to portrait a strong front as the band now. To let everyone know they are with you."

"Yeah, I," Michaels stomach churned when he thought about his conversation with Ashton, "they're all supporting me. They.... they knew."

"Okay," Betsy said. The line fell silent again.

"How about we both think about how to approach this and I'll call you again in an hour? Maybe one of the boys has an idea as well?"

"Yeah, yeah. Okay," Michael mumbled.

"Okay," Betsy said, "Well, Mike. I just want you to know that we as your team stand with you, always, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks," Michael mumbled, "Talk to you later."

"Bye!"
Michael hung up and closed his eyes. He tilted his face to the sky and took a deep breath.

"I have an hour to come up with something," Michael mumbled.

Luke sighed and reached out his arms to draw Michael into a hug. The angle was kinda awkward since Michael was sitting next to Luke, so Michael ended up being folded against Luke's side with both of Luke's arms around him but it felt good, familiar, like home, and he felt like he could breathe for the first time since he unlocked his phone this morning.

Tears welled up in Michaels eyes. He thought about his family in Australia, finding out about their son being gay from the internet right now. Thought about all his friends he hadn't come out to yet. Thought about the fans.

He silently let the tears fall while Luke held him. They didn't speak for a long time.

"Where are we?," Michael eventually asked, voice still thick from crying.
He sniffled.

"Iowa, about to enter Nebraska. Just outside Omaha," Luke mumbled.

"Still have a long drive to Denver then," Michael gently untangled himself from Luke and wiped his cheeks dry.

"Yeah. We're only waiting on Ashton now so we can get back on the road," Luke mumbled.

Michael nodded.
"Can we go back in?," Michael jerked his head to the bus, "Don't wanna be here when he decides to come back."

Luke hesitantly nodded.
"You'll have to talk eventually though," Luke mumbled, "Tomorrow's a show night."

"I know," Michael muttered, "I said what I had to say though. I don't have anything to add."

"Mike," Luke said after a moment, "Ashton loves you. It's one of the fundamental things of the universe, one of the unshakable truths I know. A day has 24 hours. The sun will rise in the morning. Ash loves Mike."

Michael let out a long shakey breath.
"Then why does he leave me now?," Michael asked.

"I don't know. It's very unlike Ash, but maybe there's more to it than I know. I don't know his trauma or past experiences, do you?," Luke asked.

Michael let that sink in for a moment.

"But I do know that he loves you more than anything," Luke added softly.

"Well, maybe that's not enough in this situation," Michael breathed out.

Luke unfolded himself from the pavement and held out a hand to haul Michael up.

Together, they headed over to the bus.

Ashton came back half an hour later. Michael locked himself in the bathroom until Calum threatened his life because he had to pee. Michael was relieved to find the backroom empty and curled up on the couch.

Management called again and they decided Michael would write a short text addressing everything that he'd post on all his socials. Even though he didn't have the energy, he promptly opened his notes app.

And sat in front of an empty note for a while.

After an hour, Michael had a first draft. He nibbled on his lip and deleted the last sentence he had written.

Nothing seemed right.

No words could express everything he felt. Everything he wanted to say.

The door softly clicked open and Michael glanced up to see Ashton lingering in the door.

He immediately looked back down on his phone, but his heart started tying itself in knots.

"Can we talk?," Ashton asked small.

"I have nothing to say to you," Michael said, without looking up.
Still, Ashton stepped into the room and closed the door behind himself.

"Cal told me how the team wants you to handle the situation," Ashton said.

"I didn't give up your identity, don't worry," Michael mumbled dismissively.

"I'm not," Ashton cut himself off, "that's not what I'm worried about."

"Sounded different this morning," Michael muttered.

"Mike-," Ashton started.

"No," Michael cut him off, "You've said enough. I get it. Don't put salt in the cut."

Ashton pursed his lips.

"I've said a lot yeah," he eventually said, "but you didn't really listen."

Michaels eyes snapped up and the angry heat was back and pulsing through his veins, "The fuck does that mean??"

"You didn't let me explain. We couldn't talk about this calmly. Please, Michael, listen to what I have to say! I know I look like a fucking asshole right now, but please. Listen to me," Ashton sounded genuinely desperate.

Michael let out a long breath and locked his phone.
"Go on then," he muttered, "but don't waste my time."

"Look, I'm sorry about how everything went down this morning. I freaked out and didn't handle the situation right.
The thing is, I didn't grow up in the most queer supportive household. I was taught that being gay is wrong and disgusting and... I think I internalized that more that I thought. I mean, it's taken me years to admit to myself that I am stupidly in love with you. I don't remember not being anything but in love with you. But since I was taught that the way I feel is wrong and that... that I literally don't deserve to live if I am in love with another man I.. I'm terrified. If my parents think like that, there's a big chance that other people think like that," Ashton let that hang in the air.

"Do you think like that?," Michael asked quietly.

"I used to. But not anymore. Loving you feels so right, I refuse to believe it's wrong," Ashton said.

"I don't think like that either," Michael said, "and neither do Luke and Cal."

"You know trauma doesn't work like that," Ashton looked at his hands, "It's hard to reason with."

"I know," Michael mumbled, trying hard to fight the tears, "and I get why you are scared. But... I am too. The choice when and how I'm gonna tell everyone got taken away from me and I wasn't ready and I feel like I'm fucking drowning. And you're leaving me to it."

"I'm sorry, Mike. I'm so sorry," Ashton had tears in his eyes too, "I wish there was a way for me to help you but I can't.. I can't do what you are asking me to." First tears fell from his lashes to his cheeks.

"I don't think I'm ready," he sniffled.

Michael couldn't hold his tears any longer either.

Both men cried for a little while, not sure what to make of the broken pieces strewn between them.

"Okay," Michael eventually sniffled.

"What?," Ashton's voice shook.

"I can't change your trauma, obviously. But if we want this to work, you'll have to work through it. It's okay to not be ready right now, but I... I can't be your little secret forever," Michael closed his eyes, his eyebrows drawn together.

"No, that's not what I want. I want to love you openly. I promise I'll work on it. I love you," Ashton sniffled.

Michael still had his eyes closed. He nodded softly. "I need you to mean it, Ash. I'm willing to wait for you, but not forever," he whispered.

"And I want to publicly marry you some day, so I don't have forever," Ashton mumbled.

Michael let out a long shakey breath. "Shit damnit Ashton fucking Irwin," he said, "you're an idiot and I fucking love you."

A smile formed on Ashton's wet cheeks. Michael opened his eyes and glanced at Ashton. He opened his arms and Ashton came over to accept the hug and kisses.

"Tell me what I can do to make this more bearable right now," Ashton mumbled eventually.

Michael sighed.
"Will you read over my PR text? I feel like it's all over the place," Michael held out his phone.

Ashton ended up ghostwriting the whole thing. Management approved it without changes and instructed him to post it on all socials around 6pm that evening.
Since it was just before noon, Michael decided to crawl back into bed and try to catch some more sleep. He decisively didn't check any of his socials, but sent out a quick text to his mum asking for her to call him when she woke up. He wanted to tell his parents before he told the world.

He slept until his alarm woke him up at 5pm and groaned once the heaviness of his situation had settled back in through the sleepy fog in his brain.
One cup of tea and a hug from Luke and Calum later, he had crawled back on the couch in the backroom.

Ashton was off somewhere meditating or doing yoga or whatever he did to "think and organize his thoughts", so Calum had said.

Michael was just getting ready to log back into his socials and prepare his posting when he heard commotion in the bus and heavy footsteps approaching.

"WAIT," Ashton threw the door open, "WAIT, MIKE!"

Michael frowned up at him. "What the fuck?"

"Don't post it!," Ashton yelled.

"I haven't posted anything yet!," Michael yelled back, extremely irritated.

"Fuck, Mike. You know how I take ice baths before the shows?," Ashton gestured widely.

"Yes?!," Michael frowned.

"And like, I always say that there's no preparing for that feeling of near suffocation once you get into the ice. Like, you just have to get in. Don't think about it, just take the leap," Ashton was still wildly gesturing.

"Ash what the fuck?," Michael mumbled.

"I realized that there's no fucking preparing for coming out either. Taking the leap now is as good as taking the leap and doing it any other time. Fuck it. Don't think, just go," Ashton crossed his arms.

Michael gaped up at him completely speechless.

"I...," he mumbled, "Are you high?"

"No!," Ashton frowned.

"Are you sure?," Michael asked sceptically.

"Yes," Ashton huffed.

"Ash you don't have to do this. We're good," Michael said.

"I'm not doing this for you," Ashton cut in, "I'm doing this for me. No more chickening out. I love you and I want the world to know. I am scared shitless and I'll probably cry but I'm sick of hiding and lying and... and giving the homophobic voices space in my head and my heart."

Michael looked at him for a long moment.

"Are you serious?," Michael asked.

"Absolutely."

"And, like, very very sure it's what you want? You can't take it back once it's out there," Michael said.

"I don't know how I'll feel about it once it's out but I'm sure I want to do it now and I'll take that. Also, I don't think I can watch the fans ship you with another dude. Or start dating rumors."

Michael snorted.
"Possessive little shit," he muttered.

"You're taking the leap," Ashton said calmly, "and now is the time I can take it together with you. After that, I will be on my own. Also, another thing that crossed my mind, once I come out the fans would know that we lied the whole time. Cause they'll know the blurry photos are you and me."

Michael looked at Ashton.
Ashton looked at Michael.

"Are we doing this?," Michael asked.

"We're doing this," Ashton nodded, "sometimes you have to jump and hope you don't stand on a cliff."

Michael drew out his phone and speed dialed Betsy's number.

"Hey Mike," she picked up, "everything set?"

"Betsy? It's Ashton," Michael burst out.

"No, Mike I know your voice," Betsy muttered.

"No," Michael almost yelled into the speaker, "My boyfriend! It's Ashton! Ashton's my boyfriend."

"Ashton? Ashton Irwin?," she asked incredulous.

"Yes," Michael said.

"Holy shit. Oh god, Mike... and why are you telling me this now??," Betsy asked, clearly shocked.

"Because we want to go public," Michael said, "All cards on the table. Ashton is the blurry guy in the photos."

"I-," she stuttered, "Okay? Are you sure?"

"Yes," Michael said.

"It's... It's gonna affect the band. So, are Luke and Calum okay with it?"

Michael exchanged a quick glance with Ashton.

"Yes," Michael said again.

"Are you sure you want to go public? Have a public relationship? It'll be scrutinized," Betsy said, "it's gonna be tough."

"It's better that living a lie," Ashton said, "and living in the shadows in fear of someone finding out the truth."

They heard Betsy taking a big breath.

"All right," Betsy said, "How do you want to do this?"

"Can I.. can we just post a photo of us kissing or something? Can I caption it "well it is what it is"," Michael asked.

"Mike, seriously?," Betsy huffed.

"Yo, c'mon. It's very us," Michael muttered.

"That is true. A photo alone won't cut it though," she said.

"Then we'll go live on Instagram," Ashton said, "the fans always love that."

"I don't know if that'd be smart," Betsy said, "there's no filtering the comments."

"No, I know," Ashton said.

Betsy sighed again.
Then there was silence on the other end.

"Boys," she said calmly, "I can't ban you from doing stupid shit. Been there done that. But... please, let this sit with you a few more hours. Sit down, think about what this will mean for your future, for your relationship and for your band. And if you're still all in in the morning, I will let you handle this however you want."

Michael pondered this for a moment.

"So no comment tonight?," Michael asked.

"It can wait until the morning," Betsy said.

"Alright," Ashton said, "We'll sleep on it. Talk to you in the morning!"

"Okay," Betsy said, "And hey. I'm very happy for you."

"Thanks," Michael mumbled.

"Bye boys!"

Even tough it was very very unlike them, they actually did what they were told and talked about what their coming out would mean for all of their lifes. Calum and Luke were completely okay with it. They even encouraged them to come out and said they'd fight everyone who disapproved. They assured them that their happiness and friendship would always come first.

They also called Michaels parents and Ashton's parents to break the news to them and to Ashton's surprise, his mum took it a lot better than expected. She was not elated but she wished them good luck and told Ashton to do whatever made him happy.

Michael and Ashton curled up under the covers that night, excited and scared but happy nonetheless.

Michael still tried to catch up with everything that had happened in the past 24 hours and he knew that nothing could prepare him for tomorrow, but he felt like he was ready to take the leap, ready to jump, as long as he had Ashton right beside him.

Tomorrow they'd be free falling and he was ready to show the world just how in love he was with Ashton Irwin.

Chapter 18: BLEACH - Lashton

Summary:

This is a sequel to my Red Line - Lashton songfic! I'd recommend you read that first if you haven't already, or some of this might not make a lot of sense.

Takes place in 2017/2018 when Luke and Ashton were living together.

Originally posted to Wattpad December 2023

I wanna occupy your brain
Be the only livin' space in your head

 

He felt like he was floating. He never wanted to be anywhere else but here, next to Luke.

 

And when you're fillin' up your lungs
Mine's the only name that's under your breath

 

Luke looked ethereal in any and every way.

The dawn light covered the room in pale blue light and worked out the planes and edges of Luke's face in sharp detail. He was still breathing quicker than usual. His curls were damp in some places and stuck to his forehead. His baby blue eyes were glossy and unfocused, still coming down from the high his body had been on a minute before. A thin layer of sweat covered his neck and chest.

Ashton was so far gone for Luke and seeing him utterly fucked out like this only made it worse.

Ashton did this. It was him who got Luke so worked up he barely remembered his own name and then sent him sky high, promising to catch him when he came back down.

"Fuuuuck," Luke eventually groaned, "Jesus that was so fucking good."

Ashton grunted in agreement.

 

Brought a knife to a gun fight
But the hurtin' is all mine
When the feeling is airtight

 

It was fine, really.

This, all of it, the sex, the fighting, the pain, was fine as long as it didn't affect the band.

And they were doing pretty well, honestly. Ever since that one fight that had Ashton skipping a studio day, the two of them had worked things out.

Not in Ashton's favor, obviously, but that was to be expected.
They'd promised each other to never fight about this shit again and to always talk to each other. They'd renewed the no strings agreement and swore to leave the band out of this.

That was until the day finally arrived when everything came crashing down on Ashton.

 

I know it takes time to let go
But I can't take it no more
Can I make up for lost time?

 

"Ash?," Luke asked quietly.
It was a lazy Saturday morning and they were sitting in the kitchen, both nursing a coffee.
Ashton hummed.

"Can we talk about something?," Luke asked.

"Yeah, always," Ashton smiled encouragingly.

"She," Luke's voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "she asked me to be her boyfriend last night."
Ashton didn't miss the way Luke avoided looking at Ashton. It was probably for the best because Ashton was sure he couldn't hide the shards of his heart breaking.

"Who?," he breathed, and almost immediately regretted it. Ashton knew exactly who, and Luke knew that Ashton knew, too. Playing into Luke's very obvious guilt, which should not even be there in the first place, was extremely uncalled for.

"Sierra," Luke said irritatedly, "who else?"

"That's," now Ashton's voice broke, "that's great Luke. You said yes, right?"

"Yeah," he nodded shily, "I.. she's good for me. Good to me. I really like her.."

"I know," Ashton whispered and offered Luke a small smile when he finally looked up to meet Ashton's eyes.
Luke smiled back. "Yeah."

Ashton steeled himself and reached out a hand to squeeze Luke's but decided to awkwardly pet Luke's arm instead. Touching hands might be off limits now. Really, touching anywhere might be.

"I'm happy for you," Ashton said, "you deserve it."

 

If there's bleach in the hallways, I can start over
Bleach in my head, just to get away
I'm washin' it out 'til I figured out
Livin' without you
(Everythin' I want is spillin' down the drain)

 

It was on the tip of his tongue, the inevitable question.

So what does this mean for us?

But he couldn't bring himself to ask it.

Technically, he didn't have to. He knew exactly what it meant for them. They'd go back to being best friends, bandmates, roommates. They'd go back to the way it was before all this mess started.

The only problem was that Ashton didn't know how to go back now that everything had changed.

 

If there's bleach in the hallways, I can start over
Bleach in my hair every Saturday
I'm washin' it out 'til I figured out
Livin' without you
(Everythin' I want is spillin' down the drain)

I feel you underneath my tongue
Next to every word that I should have said

 

The problem was, Luke was everywhere. 

He was in the pictures on the wall. His clothes were in Ashton's drawers. His smell lingered in every room of the house, his favorite food was in the fridge, his blonde hair was on the carpet.
Petunia's cot was in the corner, her toys strewn over the floor in every room.

Luke was bent over the couch, hoisted up on the kitchen counter, spread out on Ashton's sheets.

He was in every corner of Ashton's head and in every fiber of his being.

Luke was everywhere.

 

No matter how far that I've run
Memories always seem to catch up again

 

Ashton wished he could go back to the way it was before things got complicated. When it was just Luke and him, him and Luke, in the first few months after Luke had moved in.

Somewhere between friends and fuck buddies. Somewhere between friendship and romance.

He wished he could crawl back into the inbetweens and live there forever, feeding off Luke's smile and reveling in the comfort of Luke's warm weight against him.

"Hey," Ashton smiled when he saw the other man in the kitchen.

Luke craned his neck and smiled back.
"Hi."

Ashton almost died. Luke's raspy morning voice always hit that spot in his chest.

Ashton knew it was pathetic. Only because he'd slept with Luke maybe two or three times since the first night after they'd gotten stupidly drunk filming stupid cocktail chats, didn't mean he'd have to go ahead and develop a fat crush on Luke.

But here he was, getting addicted to the blonde lanky Australian on his couch.

He grabbed his coffee and sat down next to Luke. He turned to face Luke who had a leg tucked under him so he was sitting sideways.

Ashton knew he was staring.

Ashton knew he shouldn't.

But the second Luke's blue sleepy eyes met his, Ashton was useless.

Luke's long curls were tangled together and messly framed his face. The freckles dusted over his nose stood out in the morning sun, his blue eyes were bleary and soft.

"What?," Ashton eventually managed to ask.

"Nothin'," Luke mumbled and leant his head against the couch, "'m just sleepy. Can we skip the studio and stay here all day?"

Ashton couldn't help but smile softly at Luke's silly request.

"And do what?," he laughed.

Luke's lips tugged into a proud smile for being the reason Ashton had laughed.

"Watch Gossip Girl," he mumbled.

"No. Not another episode or I'm gonna lose it," Ashton shook his head, knowing deep down that he would end up giving in to Luke's weird show obsessions again tonight anyway.
Anything to see Luke smile.

"Shut up," Luke huffed, "You want to know what happens to Lily and Rufus. Admit it."

Ashton snorted and took a sip of his coffee.
Luke made grabby hands at the mug.

"Get your own, mate," Ashton grumbled but handed the cup over anyway.

"Thanks," Luke paid him back with a smile. He took a sip and handed it back.

"We have to leave soon, buddy," Ashton mumbled, "Mike texted me that we can have the studio at 12. We should use as much time as we can."

Luke sighed.
"Okay, I guess," he mumbled, "Just five more minutes."

"Of what? Sitting on the couch?," Ashton asked.

"With you," Luke nodded.
Ashton definitely didn't feel his heart flutter at that. He told himself to not read too much into Luke's words but his heart had a mind of its own.

Luke wiggled a bit on the couch and the ghost of a pout tugged at his lips.

"You want a hug, don't you?," Ashton raised an eyebrow.

Luke shrugged and nodded small.

Ashton patted his lap before lifting an arm. Luke was quick to curl up on the couch and place his head in Ashton's lap. Ashton always marveled at how easily Luke could compress his 6ft2 limbs into a soft small ball of blonde curls and blue eyes.
Ashton started running his hands through Luke's hair and watched his eyes slide shut when he leant into the touch.

 

Brought a knife to a gun fight
But the hurtin' is all mine
When the feeling is airtight

 

"Ashton, I am not messing with you," Calum said forcefully, "what the fuck happened between you and Luke? You can't even look at him. You're living together!"

"Nothing happened," Ashton mumbled.

"I am gonna walk out of this studio right now," Calum whisper-yelled so their producer next door wouldn't hear, "you know I will. Don't you fucking lie to me."

Ashton let out a frustrated growl and clenched his fists.

"It's none of your business," he bit out.

"It's my business as soon as you bring it over the threshold of this fucking building!," Calum snapped, "and you've brought whatever is happening with you more often than not these days! Mike and me are sick of being used as a fucking barrier!"

Ashton clenched his jaw shut and sat down on the couch in the corner.

"Okay, so you have feelings for Sierra. Should've figured that out, you two knew each other first," Calum huffed.

"What? Fuck no! Sierra and me are and will always be purely platonic," Ashton looked at Calum in surprise.

"Then what the fuck," Calum hissed, "has you so stupidly worked up that you flinch away from any opportunity to work with Luke one on one. It is messing with the band, Ashton."

"I slept with Luke," he mumbled, pointedly avoiding Calum's eyes.

"You what??," Calum whisper-yelled.

Ashton groaned and dug the heels of his hands in his eyes.
"Spare me the scolding," he huffed.

"Oh my fuck," Calum mumbled, "when??"

"First time or last time?," Ashton mumbled.

"Ashton?!," Calums voice was a little higher than usual, "it wasn't a one time thing?!"

Ashton sighed and finally lifted his head.
"Not a one time thing," he mumbled, "but apparently very one sided."

"Oh shit," Calum sighed, "the fuck did you two do..."

"It's my fault," Ashton jumped in, eager to defend Luke, "We agreed on no strings."

"Luke and no strings??," Calum asked. He had started pacing the room.

"Well, apparently it worked for him."

"That man lives for sex and attention," Calum muttered.

"Hey, there's no reason to be mean," Ashton cut in.

"I'm not being mean, I'm stating facts," Calum huffed.

"Well, it's better than coke," Ashton mumbled under his breath.

"Oh shit, is that why you started fucking?," Calum asked and came to an abrupt stop.

"No!," Ashton glared, "Fuck, no, Calum. I didn't start sleeping with Luke to keep him from taking cocaine."

"Then why did you?!," Calum huffed.

"I was drunk, he was drunk. We were both single and horny. And fuck, Luke's like... sex on legs. I mean, have you seen him?!," Ashton threw his hands up.

"Not in all the ways you apparently have," Calum muttered and leant his back against the wall.

Ashton clenched his yaw and looked away.

 

I know it takes time to let go
But I can't take it no more
Can I make up for lost time?

 

"Do you love him?," Calum asked.

Ashton huffed. "Love is a big word."

"Do you?," Calum asked again, unfazed, and crossed his arms.

"What difference does it make?," Ashton muttered, "he's got a girlfriend."

"It makes a difference," Calum said sternly, "If not to you, or him, then to Mike and me. I need to know if we're dealing with disappointment or heartbreak now."

Ashton huffed and finally looked at Calum.

"Ashton. Are you in love with Luke?," Calum asked firmly and looked him right in the eyes.

Ashton held eye contact. He swallowed hard, the truth burning in his throat and making tears spring to his eyes.

He clenched his jaw shut to keep his mouth from betraying him by letting his bandmate in on this secret.
The tears were blurring his vision but he saw Calum nod once.
"That's all the answer I needed."

Ashton broke eye contact and finally wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.

"Well, it doesn't matter," he mumbled stubbornly.

If there's bleach in the hallways, I can start over

"Wanna throw a party?," Ashton asked, as soon as he was through the door.
He was desperate for a distraction, desperate for alcohol.

"Today?," Luke asked, confused. He was in the midst of making himself lunch. Petunia barked happily and came waddling over to Ashton to have him scratch her head like he always did.

"Yes. Today," Ashton said, "C'mon. We have to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"

"You getting a girlfriend?!," Ashton was pleased he sounded sweet while the words tasted bitter. He finally bent down to pet Petunia who was nosing at his leg.

"Uh," Luke cleared his throat, "no. It's kind of... private."

"Luke man, c'mon," Ashton threw his arms out, "we never needed a reason to party."

"No, that's true. I'm cool with the party, dude, just not in my relationship’s name," Luke grinned.

 

Bleach in my head, just to get away

 

Said and done.

Twelve hours later it was early in the morning hours and Ashton was shitfaced. He'd spend the whole night throwing back shots while watching Luke make out with his girlfriend. Calum had tried babysitting him but gave up after an hour or two and stuck with Michael instead.

It wasn't a huge party, just a few friends. And they'd all left a while ago, leaving Luke and Ashton to themselves.

Ashton was surprised Sierra didn't sleep over. Luke had told him she'd said she'd gotten a weird vibe from Ashton today.

Maybe he'd glared at her once or twice.

Blame the alcohol.

But Luke was drunk enough to not read into it.

"Good party," Luke smiled and leant his head back against the couch.

"Yeah, dude," Ashton nodded.

"Cheers," Luke toasted and threw back the rest of his drink.

Ashton came over and sat on the couch next to Luke.
Maybe a bit closer than necessary.

"Can we tidy up tomorrow?," Luke asked and looked at Ashton with puppy eyes.

"Oh, yeah," Ashton waved him off, "don't worry about it."

Luke beamed back at him.
Ashton reached out a hand to brush a stray curl off Luke's face.
Luke subconsciously leant into the touch and closed his eyes.

"'M tired," he mumbled.

"I know," Ashton whispered. Luke opened his eyes and smiled softly.
His eyes flicked down to Ashton's lips, then back to his eyes.

Ashton had subconsciously leant in and now his face was close enough that he could feel Luke's breath on his lips.

 

I'm washin' it out 'til I figured out
Livin' without you
(Everythin' I want is spillin' down the drain)

 

Luke suddenly snapped out of it and turned his head away. He cleared his throat and flexed his fingers, which had been digging into his own thigh.

"Ash," Luke mumbled, "I think I should move out."

 

If there's bleach in the hallways, I can start over
Bleach in my hair every Saturday
I'm washin' it out 'til I figured out
Livin' without you
(Everythin' I want is spillin' down the drain)

 

Yes, Luke was right. Luke should move out.

But Ashton wasn't ready to let Luke go.

"You don't have to rush into this," Ashton mumbled a few days later when Luke got ready for his first appointment with his real estate agent.

"I'm not rushing anything," Luke said, fixing the collar of his shirt, "Us living together was meant to be a temporary thing. And I'm doing so much better, thanks to you, but now it's time to learn to stand on my own two feet again."

Ashton opened his mouth to say something but pulled up short.

Luke sighed and turned around to face him.

"Ash, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me," Luke said softly.

And Ashton knew that was true. Honestly, it wasn't Luke he was worried about. It was himself.

Life without Luke by his side all day every day seemed unbearable.

"I have more people who look out for me now," he said and squeezed Ashton's shoulder, "it's time to focus on you."

Ashton swallowed hard.

He couldn't help but feel like he'ds been replaced in Luke's life. Which, rationally, he knew was bullshit.

But how could he focus on himself when half of him was missing, gone and moved out with a blonde blue eyed man?

 

It's so hard to watch everythin' I want
(Everythin' I want is spillin' down the drain)

 

Luke was everywhere.

And so Ashton started cleaning.

It started harmless. Vacuuming the carpet in the living room. Wiping down the counters.

Then mopping the floors.

Rearranging the furniture. Repainting rooms. Reshaping his garden.

Replacing all the pictures in their frames.

 

It's so hard to watch everythin' I want
(Everythin' I want is spillin' down the drain)
Drain

 

And finally dying his hair.

When he looked in the mirror at the reflection of a broken black haired man he finally felt like he effectively killed every part of himself that reminded him of Luke.

And now there was nothing left to do but to try to finally move on for good.

 

Chapter 19: PIZZA - Muke

Summary:

Luke is a grumpy, frustrated 21 year old working in a small pizza shop. Michael is a cheerful college student and regular customer. Luke is not looking for friendships. Michael is convinced everyone needs a friend.

When Luke was younger he'd always dream about what his life would be like once he was all grown up.

He'd tell his parents he wanted to be a pilot, or an astronaut or a writer. Either way, he was sure he'd go to college and he was even more sure he'd accomplish anything he wanted to.
He'd had a ratty piggy bank in the shape of a run down and rusty car in which he would put every Penny he could get his hands on. To save for college, he'd tell his friends.

The money he'd saved over the years turned out to be just enough to buy him what it was stored in - just a bit bigger.
His ratty, run down, rusty, old Ford Fiesta was the only thing left of his childish fantasies. Though Luke was pretty sure even that'd be ripped away at the next inspection. His car was leaking oil and missing parts, and the parts that were thankfully still in place were covered in holes and making sounds they most definitely were not supposed to make.

Yes, when Luke was younger he definitely didn't think he'd be working at the shabby old pizza place around the corner at 21.

"Hemmings, c'mon man," Ryan lightly punched his arm, "I'm not paying you to stand around and zone out."

Luke huffed and put all his built up frustration and resentment into splashing a spoon of tomato sauce on the dough in front of him.
Drips of sauce went flying and landed in specks on the counter, tiled walls and Luke's apron.

"Have fun cleaning this up, mate," Ryan clapped him on the back and disappeared back into the storage room.

Luke pouted his way through putting the meat, veggies and cheese on the pizza and then shoved the pizza in the oven before returning to the service area.

"Hi Luke." A guy had appeared at the counter while Luke had been manhandling the food in the kitchen.

Luke sighed inwardly and cursed the name tags sewn to the aprons. In this case, it didn't really matter anyway. Luke was sure the guy would've pried Luke's name out of him one way or another.
Michael was a regular guest. He was in the pizza shop at least three or four times a week. Sometimes he was with friends, playing D&D in the far corner booth, sometimes he was with a pretty pink haired girl Luke suspected was his girlfriend.

Today, he was alone though. He was sitting on one of the bar stools at the counter and had a stack of books and a notepad in front of him. And he was beaming at Luke.

"Michael," Luke said flatly.

Michael appeared to be Luke's age, though they'd never spoken about it due to the lack of interest on Luke's side. Luke didn't really dislike Michael. He just really disliked people in general, and though being a very strange one, Michael happened to be one. Luke wasn't trying to be edgy or anything, he honestly, really hated people and made few exceptions.

Luke hadn't always been like this. He used to have friends and hobbies and dreams and hope for the future. Until his mum had died in his senior year in highschool. His mum had been the backbone of the family and had tied everything together. Now they were falling apart. His brothers were rarely home, his dad drowned himself in work and Luke had ditched the college applications in favor of getting a job. His dad had been disappointed. Luke was an honor student and definitely could've gotten a scholarship at an ivy uni. But Luke's focus had shifted on the day his mum had left. College applications seemed pointless when the most important person in your life was suddenly gone.
And without a scholarship, there was no way for Luke to pay for uni.

"You want the usual?," Luke asked.

"Awh, you know my order," Michael grinned.

"Yeah, 'cause you're one of the abominations that like pineapple on pizza," Luke said flatly and already turned to leave to prepare the abomination.

It was a Tuesday night and the restaurant was quiet. Other than Michael there were only two more guests Luke had to tend to and so he found himself wiping down the counter and stacking glasses while Michael ate his pizza and apparently did some sort of homework - college - study - essay - thingy Luke had no idea about.

"Your hair's getting so long mate," Michael commented, startling Luke out of his counter wiping routine.

"So what?," Luke muttered.

"It's in your face," Michael shrugged, "doesn't bother you?"

"I'm wearing a baseball cap?," Luke frowned.

"Your curls are still falling out man," Michael muttered and fumbled at his wrist.
"Here," he held out a black hair tie to Luke, "it's Crystal's," he added sheepishly.

"Hm. I'm not interested in your girlfriend's hair tie," Luke said.

"She's not my girlfriend," Michael waved the hair tie in front of Luke's face.

"I don't care."

Luke eventually snatched the hair tie out of Michaels hand and rolled his eyes. Michael watched proudly as Luke bunched up his hair at the back of his head and tied it in a short ponytail.

"Now let me work and finish whatever the fuck you're doing. I want to lock up in an hour," Luke muttered.

Michael got back to work and so did Luke. After another fifteen minutes, Michael huffed and threw down his pen.

"I can't do this anymore," he rubbed his eyes, "are you hiring? Making pizzas sounds a lot better than this stupid essay."

"We're not hiring," Luke said bored, "and if you think this crap is worth giving up Uni for then you're way stupider than I thought."
Michael pulled a face and stuck out his tongue before he picked up his pen and resumed his essay.

Michael finished quickly after that and packed up his stuff.
"Here," he said and Luke saw him shoving a piece of paper over the counter, "call me if there's a job opening around here."

Luke glanced at the phone number scrawled on the paper. "I won't."

Michael laughed. "Then call me when you need a friend or something."

"In your dreams."

"Bye, Luke."

Luke rolled his eyes and watched Michael leave the restaurant. But instead of throwing the number away, he shoved it in the pocket of his apron.

***

Luke hated the world.

Well, no. Luke secretly knew he was just wallowing and sulking but hating the world instead of acknowledging what he really felt was way more convenient.

It was a Friday night and Luke was looking at a work free Saturday. But his mood had been dampened by the sheer amount of college students in the shop today. They had some sort of celebration going on, Luke didn't know what it was.

But seeing them all being young and successful and happy and -
Luke was sulking again.

Surprisingly, he made it through his shift without snapping at anyone. It was nearing midnight and Luke was the only employee one left in the shop. He was ready to lock up, but his last customer wouldn't leave, making Luke more and more irritated.

"Mate, I want to lock up," Luke sighed and braced his hands on Michaels table.

"Huh?," Michael startled out of his work and glanced out of the window into the black night. "Shit," he swore, "didn't realize how late it was."

"Yeah," Luke straightened up and put his hands on his hips, "closing time."

"Sorry, yeah," Michael nodded, "I'll be gone in a second."
Luke nodded and left to the back again. He shut off the light in the kitchen and threw his apron in the laundry bin. Michael was waving goodbye and leaving the building while Luke shut off the light in the dining area.

"Where's your motorized shit box?," Michael asked while he struggled with the lock on his bike and Luke struggled with the lock on the door.

"Do you have a car?," Luke asked in return.

"No?," Michael asked, irritated.

"That's what I thought. So you don't have room to talk shit about mine."

Michael rolled his eyes and held up his hands. "Sorry mate. Didn't know you're so in love with your rolling junkyard."

Luke yanked the key out of the lock and glowered at Michael. "Piss off."

"Alright," Michael mounted his bike, "See you tomorrow."

"Unfortunately I know you mean that," Luke huffed while he moved over to his bike and undid the chain.

"Ohh you came by bike! Which way are you headed?," Michael asked.

"Not the same way as you," Luke muttered and mounted his bike too.

Michael rolled his eyes. "C'mon. Seriously, I'm headed west. Down James Street. If that's where you go then I promise I won't annoy you."

"Go, then," Luke jerked his chin.

The two boys rode in silence for a while.

"Why are you always annoyed at me?," Michael eventually asked, "I don't remember doing anything to piss you off in the first place."

"I'm annoyed at everyone. Don't think you're special," Luke rolled his eyes.

"Okay, tough guy," Michael rolled his eyes back, "so what happened to your glorious car."

"Stop making fun of my car," Luke huffed, "and I don't fucking know. Didn't start up this morning."

"Hm," Michael mumbled, "Do you think it's the battery, or the engine?"

"Why, are you some kind of mechanic?," Luke asked ironically.

"I know a thing or two," Michael said.

"Well," Luke muttered, "I'll try a new battery first. It'd be cheaper than having a broken engine."

"Sounds smart," Michael nodded, "Do you know how to change a car battery?"

"Do you?," Luke deflected.

"Yeah," Michael grinned, "want help?"

Luke pursed his lips.

"I won't charge you," Michael raised his eyebrow, "you could save a lot of money."

"Fine," Luke sighed, "come by my house tomorrow at noon."

"I don't know where you live," Michael huffed just when Luke took a right into a driveway. He stopped in front of the house while Michael kept driving down the road.

"Tomorrow at noon!," Luke yelled after Michael.

"Don't worry, I'll be there!," Michael yelled.

***

When Luke rolled out of bed the next morning he already regretted accepting Michaels help. Knowing Michael, he'd think that Luke and him would be friends after this.
Luke was not interested in friendships. He had enough on his plate as it was.

But he needed the car and he needed the money and fuck it. Hopefully Michael would actually show up. Could he even remember where Luke lived?

Luke decided to suck it up and text his address to Michael, using Michaels number like he swore he never would.

The reply came almost immediately

Pizza Michael
will be there in 20

Michael rolled up in front of Lukes house in a black pickup. Luke frowned while Michael rolled down the passenger side window.

"Get in loser, we're going shopping!," Michael yelled.

"We're changing my battery," Luke yelled back.

"So you bought a new one already?," Michael raised an eyebrow. Luke opened his mouth and then shut it again. Hesitantly, he walked over to the car and got in.

"I thought you didn't have a car," he muttered while climbing into the passenger side.

"I don't," Michael said cheerily, "this is my dad's. I thought bringing home a whole ass car battery on a bike would be a bit difficult so I asked my dad if I could borrow his car for a few hours."

"That's... nice of him," Luke admitted quietly.

"Yeah. So, where'd you wanna go?," Michael asked.

Luke shrugged. "Walmart? Or Costco, I don't know?"

"I mean, honestly, a Costco battery would do. But I know a small motor shop not too far from here that'd probably give me a fat discount on a battery," Michael grinned.

"Sounds shady, bro," Luke muttered.

"Nah, I worked for them during my senior year in highschool," Michael waved him off, "so I'm good with the owner."

"Oh, okay," Luke said, "Uh.. thanks man. I appreciate it."

"No worries, I'm happy to help," Michael grinned.

They had bought and replaced the battery within two hours and Luke's car was running again.

"Thanks, dude," Luke clapped Michael on the shoulder, "d'you want a beer? Maybe lunch? It's the least I can do."

"Sure," Michael beamed.

Luke led them into the house.

"My mate Cal is having a party tonight," Michael said while Luke opened two beers, "you should come."

Luke snorted. "In your dreams, man."

"Why?," Michael teased, "Do you have other plans?"

"Yeah," Luke opened the fridge, "laying in my bed."

"Okay, a date with your right hand, I see," Michael took a sip from his beer.

"Don't project yourself on me, dude," Luke shut the fridge door and opened the freezer. There was commotion from the front door and a few seconds later, a middle aged blonde man appeared in the door to the kitchen.

"Hey dad," Luke didn't look up from where he was still digging through the freezer, "That's Michael. He helped me with the car."

"Hi Michael, nice to meet you," Luke's dad smiled.

"You too," Michael smiled back.

"How's the car?," his dad asked.

"Good as new," Michael beamed.

"I wouldn't call it that," Luke muttered, "but it's running."

"Awesome. So, any plans for tonight?," Luke's dad opened himself a beer.

"Why would I have plans?," Luke resurfaced from the freezer, holding up a box of pizza pockets to Michael. Michael gave a thumbs up.

"I don't know, Luke," his dad rolled his eyes, "it's Saturday! You're 21! I don't understand why you never even make an effort to get out of here! Go live your life! Try to make an effort to be young and have friends!"

"I AM!," Luke yelled at his dad and slammed the freezer shut, "in fact, I will be going to a party with my very good friend Michael tonight! Isn't that right, Michael??" Luke rounded on him.

"Damn right, Mr. Hemmings," Michael nodded, "It's my mates birthday party and I asked Luke to come."

Mr Hemmings raised an eyebrow. "Okay. You, keep an eye on my son. And make sure he gets home safe."

"Yes, sir," Michael nodded.

"Okay, dad," Luke huffed, "I'm an adult."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're acting like one," Luke's dad ruffled Luke's hair which left Luke seething while his dad left the kitchen.

"Are you actually coming tonight?," Michael asked small.

Luke groaned and leant his forehead against the fridge door.
"Fucking hell, now I have to," Luke groaned, "I'm so stupid."

***

Luke hesitantly agreed to have Michael pick him up at 9pm. They rode their bikes over to 'his mate Cal''s place which was packed with people. He was introduced to Calum, a dark haired sass monster Luke had encountered in the pizza shop with Michael before, and his roommate Ashton, who had wild curly hair and thd biggest smile Luke's ever seen, and was very probably very high.

Crystal was there, and a few of Michaels D&D friends, and Luke devoted himself to throwing back drink after drink. As long as he had a cup at his lips, he didn't have to talk to anyone.

Just after midnight, a large group of people started playing seven minutes in heaven and Luke finally decided enough was enough. He was wobbly on his legs and stumbled over his own feet but managed to wave good-bye to Michael on his way out of the door.

It was quiet outside, and Luke began to fumble with the lock his bike. It proved to be very difficult when you saw double, even triple.
The door behind him swung open, music and laughter swelled before they died down again and the door fell shut.

"Luke, what the fuck do you think you're doing?," Luke heard Michaels voice behind him.

"Going home," Luke slurred.

"Luke, no," Michael said sternly and grabbed hold of Luke's bike, "You're hammered. I am responsible for you since I am the reason you're here, and I am not letting you ride your bike home alone."

"How to get home then?," Luke slurred and swayed a bit.

"It's a twenty minute walk," Michael huffed, "you'll be fine. C'mon."
Michael grabbed Luke's arms and threw it around his neck so Luke could lean on him for support before he started navigating them down the street.
They walked in silence, Luke swaying and leaning on Michael heavily.

"Where're your keys?," Michael asked when they got close to Luke's house.

"Pocket," Luke mumbled and fumbled for the keys in his jeans pocket. Then dropped them.

"Fucking hell, Mate," Michael mumbled under his breath and picked them up before unlocking the door.

"There you go," Michael pushed Luke into the house. Luke turned around in the doorframe and looked back at Michael.

"What?," Michael huffed.

"Where are you going?," Luke asked. His eyes were wide and he looked like a kid whose parent was dropping him off at the first day of preschool.

"Back to the party?," Michael asked, irritated.

Luke blinked and Michael and then nodded, his curls flying around his head. "I'll come with you," he said.

"Luke, no," Michael explained exasperatedly, "you are going to sleep."

"But," Luke mumbled and his eyes got impossibly wider and sad, "you're my friend. You can't leave me here."

"Luke," Michael sighed but his heart melted right out of his chest at Luke calling him his friend, "you're home. This is your house."

Luke looked behind him and nodded. "Okay," he whispered.

"Will you be okay?," Michael asked.

"No," Luke teared up, "my mum died."

"Luke?!," Michael said, alarmed.

"Stay with me?," Luke asked softly.

"Are you sure?," Michael asked.

Luke nodded. "I don't want to be alone."

"Luke, I don't know. You're piss drunk and usually insult me with every other word that leaves your mouth."

"I'll be nice, I promise," Luke nodded.
Michael sighed before he decided to fuck it. He was close to a breakthrough with Luke and he wasn't gonna pass up an opportunity to be friends with Luke for a stupid birthday party.

"Okay, yeah. I got you," Michael mumbled and entered the house after Luke.

He followed Luke to a room that was most definitely Luke's bedroom. It was painted a soft baby blue and furnished with a bed, a bean bag chair, a closet and a heavily loaded and messy desk plus chair.

Luke slumped down on his bed and groaned.

"Are you feeling okay?," Michael lingered awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"Fine," Luke waved a hand in the air.

Michael plopped down on the bean bag chair, still watching Luke. He didn't want to risk Luke throwing up and choking on it.

"So... I'm your friend?," Michael mumbled into the silence.

"Shut the fuck up," Luke mumbled back.

"You said you'd be nice to me," Michael said.

Luke sighed heavily. "I did, didn't I?"

Michael hummed.

"Thanks for bringing me home," Luke mumbled.

"Yeah, of course," Michael whispered.

"You're a good person, Mike," Luke whispered back.

The moon illuminated Luke's outline on the bed and the soft rise and fall of his chest.

"G'night, Luke," Michael whispered when he was sure Luke had fallen asleep and curled himself into a ball before he, too, drifted off to sleep.

***

"Do you remember what you said last night?," Michael asked, stretching his aching limbs out. A night in a bean bag chair wasn't as comfortable as it sounded.

"Hm," Luke mumbled, "that I'd be nice to you. I'll take that back."

Michael huffed out a laugh. "Figured. And the rest?"

"I remember what I said, Michael," Luke said, clipped. He threw an arm over his eyes.

"Do you regret it? Did you mean it?," Michael asked.

"No. And Yes, I did," Luke muttered, "you lied to my dad for me, dragged me to a stupid college party, then half carried me home after I got piss drunk and stayed when I begged you to not leave me alone. That's what friends do, so you get to call yourself my friend now. Level up, or some nerd shit."

"Yay," Michael beamed.

"Don't get over excited," Luke rolled out of his bed and groaned, holding his head, "you don't know what you've gotten yourself into."

"I think I'll manage," Michael smiled.

Michael followed Luke downstairs in search of food and painkillers.

"So, it's only you and your dad?," Michael asked, looking around the kitchen.

"Fruit Loops?," Luke held up the box.

Michael nodded and watched Luke pour two bowls of cereal.

"Are those your siblings?," Michael asked and pointed at a photo on the fridge.

"Do you want coffee?," Luke asked.

Michael rolled his eyes. "Sure."

They started their breakfast in silence. "You're working full-time, right?," Michael asked.

"Hmm," Luke mumbled.

"Why did you decide against uni?," he asked.

Luke continued his breakfast like he didn't hear Michael.

"Luke," Michael pouted, "come on! Give me something. How can I be your friend when I don't know shit about you?"

Luke let out a long breath. "Mike, if we're actually doing this, you have to promise me to not... just disappear on me one day. I don't think I could take that again."

"Luke, please," Michael mumbled, "I've been bugging you for months because I want to be friends with you. I'm not leaving."

"Okay," Luke mumbled and traced the rim of his mug with his finger.
Silence fell on the kitchen and Michael didn't push Luke to speak. He continued eating his cereal while Luke gathered his thoughts.

"My mum died," is what Luke eventually said.

Michael nodded. "That's what you said last night."

"Yeah," Luke's voice broke and he cleared his throat, "two years ago. When I was getting ready to graduate highschool. There wasn't even a warning or anything. One day I went to school, and when I came back, she was gone. Everything went to shit after that."

"I'm sorry, Luke," Michael said earnestly.

Luke shrugged. "Nothing's the same now. My siblings moved out and barely visit, my dad's always working to distract himself. And I couldn't... I was gonna apply for scholarships to go to Uni, but I couldn't bring myself to care back then. You have to understand, my mum left this giant hole in my family and I was sucked into the stupid fucking void and then half a year passed and I picked up the job at the pizza place. That was over a year ago."

"Luke, holy fuck," Michael had abandoned his cereal, "that's fucking horrible."

"I'm trying to make peace with it," Luke shook his head, "but if you couldn't tell, it kind of fucked up my head a bit. I've lost almost all my friends when they went off to college and I stayed behind and didn't leave my stupid bed for days. I am scared to get attached to people now, for some reason. I am sick of losing them."

"I'm fucked up in my head too, if that makes you feel better," Michael smiled small.

A small grin slid on Luke's face.
"I can tell. You're obsessive," Luke huffed.

"I am not obsessive, thank you very much," Michael rolled his eyes.

"I don't believe you," Luke grinned.

"Do you work today?," Michael asked.

"Yeah," Luke sighed, "three to eight. I should take a shower."

"Okay," Michael nodded, "I'll leave you to it. Should probably go home and study anyway."

"Do you live far away?," Luke asked.

"Not really. 20 Minutes by bike, maybe an hour walk," Michael shrugged.

"I'll drop you off on my way to work," Luke said.

"That's in the other direction, Luke," Michael reasoned.

Luke shrugged. "So what?"
Michael smiled.

"Okay."

They dropped their bowls in the sink and went back upstairs to Luke's room.

Michael sat down on Luke's desk chair while Luke dug through his closet for fresh clothes.

"Are those your scholarship applications?," Michael pointed at a stack of paper on the far corner of Luke's messy desk.

"Yeah," Luke waved him off, "been rotting there for two years."

"Which Uni did you want to apply to?," Michael asked.

"University of Sydney," Luke muttered.

"Cool. And what did you want to study?," Michael asked.

"Why don't you just go ahead and read them instead of interrogating me?," Luke huffed.

"Can I?," Michael asked, surprised.

"Pfffff," Luke huffed, "If it makes you happy. I'm going to take a shower."

And with that, Luke disappeared out of the room.

Michael became a constant in Luke's life in- and outside of work. When Michael wasn't hanging out with Uni friends in the pizza shop, he was sitting at the counter and talking to Luke while Luke worked.
On Luke's off days, Michael convinced Luke to go do 'normal twenty one year old shit', like go to the beach, shotgun beers at the park, and go to the local record stores in town.
They hung out at Michaels student dorm and listened to their favorite rock bands, and had barbecues in Luke's backyard.

Luke never would've admitted it, but he was doing a lot better since he let Michael into his life.
Michael wasn't stupid, though. Of course he knew the effect he was having on Luke. But he was hesitant to acknowledge that Luke was having the same effect on him.

It was three months into their friendship when Luke got a call just when he was unlocking the door to the pizza shop, ready to start his morning shift.

"Luke Hemmings?"

"Mr Hemmings, we are delighted to let you know that your application to the University of Sydney creative writing scholarship program was exceptional!," a female voice echoed over the phone.

"Excuse me?," Luke was rooted to the spot outside the Pizza restaurant.

"We would love to meet you in person next week to get to know you a bit more. But we think you'd be the perfect candidate for the scholarship."

"B.. but I didn't apply?," Luke stumbled over his own words.

"Oh, but you did! Your application dates back to last month," the woman said, "so, how does Wednesday sound?"

"O-okay?," Luke asked, his hands had started shaking, "are you sure you're not make a mistake?"

"Very sure indeed. We're looking forward to welcoming you on campus. See you next week, Mr. Hemmings!"

It was beyond Luke how he managed to get through his shift. He checked his phone every other minute, waiting for another call. Someone had to let him know that he was being pranked, or that there was a mixup.

But when the call didn't come, and it was nearing six pm, another suspicion bloomed in his head.

At six thirty sharp, he yanked off his apron, shouted good-bye to Ryan, and got in his car.

"Did you send out a College application in my name??," Luke asked as soon as he was through the door to Michaels dorm.

Michaels eyes widened. "Did you hear back from them?"

"Michael!," Luke yelled.

"Sorry," Michael had the decency to look sheepish, "but you never would've done it."

"You don't know that!," Luke glared.

"I'm sorry," Michael said softly, "you can tell them the truth. It wasn't my right to do it."

Luke paused and took a deep breath. "No, I... they invited me for an interview on Wednesday."

Michael perked up. "They did? Yes! I knew your essay would win them over! Luke, you're amazing!"

"You send it over unedited?"

"Of course I did!," Michael said, "it didn't need editing, it was perfect! I mean, of course I changed the date."

Luke shook his head, blonde curls flying, and sat down heavily on Michael's desk chair. "Fucking hell. I need to prepare for that stupid interview."

Luke caught Michaels radiant grin from the corner of his eyes.
He picked up a pillow and hurled it at Michaels head.

"Shove that stupid grin up your ass," Luke snapped but he didn't manage to put any heat behind his words.

"You love me," Michael grinned.

"No. And you got me into this mess. So help me prepare to not fuck up," Luke demanded.

"Yeah, for sure!," Michael seemed excited to be asked for help.

Luke spend every free minute in his next week with Michael, preparing for the interview. But still, when Wednesday rolled around, Luke felt like he had no time to prepare at all.

"You'll do great, Luke," Michael said gently when they came to a stop in front of the big entrance to the University of Sydney.

Luke wiped his sweaty hands on his pants and took a deep breath.

"Hey," Michael grabbed Luke's shoulder and squeezed it, "just be yourself. They'll love you, you hear me? Now go get 'em. I'll be right here when you're done."

Luke was too nervous to come up with a snarky remark so he just nodded and headed inside.

The next hour was excruciating for Michael and he had run through every possible scenario about the outcome of this in his head. But the moment he spotted Luke in the door to the Uni, his mind blanked and he stopped pacing.

Luke caught his eyes and a split second later, a huge grin broke out on his face.

Michael could feel all the weight being lifted off his chest when Luke came almost running towards him.

"You did it, didn't you?," Michael barely kept himself from jumping up and down, "you got the scholarship?"

Luke collided with Michael and wrapped him in a tight hug. Michael was startled by this. Luke had never hugged him before.
"No," Luke whispered, "You got me the scholarship."

Michael tightened his arms around Luke.

Luke's dad insisted on celebrating the news and promptly invited Michael and Luke's brothers over for dinner.
Surprisingly, both of Luke's older brothers showed up and Michael was pleasantly surprised how nice they were.

Luke's dad was beaming the whole night and dished out his chili to everyone who wanted seconds and thirds.

In a chaotic moment of dishes being cleaned away and beer being restocked in the fridge, Luke and Michael managed to slip away into the cool night air. They sat down on the steps of the back porch.

"Jack and Ben are nice," Michael said quietly.

Luke snorted. "To you, yeah. They were menaces when we were younger."

Michael laughed. "I'm sure you were too."

Luke took a sip from his beer to hide his smile.

"I'm proud of you," Michael mumbled.

"Gross," Luke commented.

"Jeez, you're such a moody hypocrite."

"And you're annoying," Luke took a sip of his beer.

"I know," Michael beamed, "and I pride myself in that."

Luke hummed.

"You wouldn't know what to do without me," Michael rolled his eyes.

"Life a happy life," Luke muttered, "I don't need anyone."

"Bullshit," Michael said softly, "and the more you say it, the less I believe you."

A moment of silence passed.
Luke slowly sat his bottle down and wiped his hands on his pants. Michael was watching every move. Luke grabbed Michael by the front of his hoodie, pulled him closer and kissed him.

Michael immediately leaned into the kiss. He brought up a hand and wrapped it around Luke's neck.

"Sorry," Luke drew away but Michael held him in place, "shouldn't have done that." Luke could feel Michaels breath on his lips from how close they still were.

"Shut the fuck up, Luke," Michael breathed , "for one god damn moment of your life could you stop letting your head do all the thinking?!"

Luke let out a sound between a huff and a laugh and his lips tugged up into a surprised smile.
Michael took his cue to reconnect their lips.

***

"Your boyfriend's here," Ryan wiggled his eyebrows and Luke slapped him with the towel in his hand.

"Hey," Luke slid into the booth next to Michael and collected a short kiss from him.

"Hi," Michael said, "quick question. Does Ryan hate me?"

Luke snorted. "Why the hell would he hate you? You're our best customer. You're here every day."

"Eh, I don't know. He's giving me a major stink eye. But maybe that's just the vibe of everyone working here."

"It is. He might be pissed that I'm gonna be cutting hours in fall when classes start," Luke smiled, excited at the prospect of starting Uni.

"Is it too late to talk you into getting a letter jacket?," Michael asked and tried to pull his puppy dog's eyes.

"I'm not interested in playing into your college jock sex fantasies," Luke rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I just want to steal that jacket so I can parade around in it and let everyone know that my gorgeous boyfriend is a student at USYD. Ever thought about that?," Michael raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know you're so possessive," Luke grinned back.

"Just like to show you off," Michael smiled innocently.

Luke fondly rolled his eyes.

Michael leant in until his lips were grazing Luke's earlobe.

"I'll let you fuck me in it," he breathed, "nothing, but the jacket -"
Luke shoved Michael away and clamped his hand over Michael's mouth.

"I don't need a boner at work," he hissed under his breath.
Luke felt Michaels smirk against his hand before he dropped it.

"Do we have a deal?," Michael wiggled his eyebrows.

Luke sighed and leant back in the booth. "Guess I'll be looking at their online store when I get back home."

Michael grinned and leant up to press another kiss to Luke's lips.
"Thought so."