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He paces back and forth, waiting for his partner. Yet hours passes and he is still not here. He didn’t want to believe it, as today was special for both of them. Three years of anniversary, since they unofficially married.
Dazai watches the clock of the kitchen, before sitting on the sofa in the penthouse. It was the house of Chuuya but the slug dragged him after discovering that he was living in ship container. Dazai nervously scratched his fingers on his arms.
Lights slowly leaving his eyes, making way for only dark and hollow eyes. He knew where Chuuya was, yet he was hoping that his dear partner would come by himself.
‘Clearly it was just a fleeting wish’ Dazai thought as he watches the delicious dinner he prepared go cold. Beautiful red and yellow light glowing in the dark from the candles that are going to distinguish as time slipped away.
Methinks, ’tis strange you can’t afford
One pitying look, one parting word;
For Dazai, it was irony. He was the Demon prodigy yet here he was. In an empty house, it was silent, too silent for him. Chuuya was with other people, not even thinking of him. Leaving him without looking at him, not even saying a word.
Humanity claims this as due,
But what’s humanity to you?
Dazai always claimed that Chuuya was a true human with his passion of life and yet… Yet here in this house dark and quiet, his mind thinks of the opposite.
Cruel man! I am not blind,
Your infidelity I find;
Here after everything he had done for him, it was him that had being played. Chuuya always said that he would be here for him.
‘What a liar’ Dazai thought, he stood up, walking soundless like a ghost toward their room. Silent tears rolling from his cheeks, mouth trembling as he looks at the picture on the wall.
Even though they were in a relationship, there were more photos of Ane-san and Chuuya, other with Port Mafia members or even these Sheep member. Only three photos of them together. One when we were fifteen in that arcade. He smiles sadly. Another when we were sixteen, after learning of the ‘truth’ of Chuuya’s past. The last photo was the last we took, when we promise each other to be forever loyal.
He laughed at the irony, it was not the first time Chuuya goes to a bar owned by the Port Mafia, nor the first time he sleeps with other person, slowly breaking his promise. He took the pictures of them in anger, throwing them on the floor. He watches as glasses go everywhere; eyes dull.
Your want of love my ruin shows,
My broken heart, your broken vows.
Dazai looks around, still in the corridor where pictures are on the wall. Not paying attention to the ones on the floor and continues his way toward their room. Heart broken and an empty promise. It clearly shows the lack of love and the one-side relationship they have.
Yet maugre all your rigid hate,
I will be true in spite of fate;
He packed the little things he owned, not paying attention to the things Chuuya bought for him. After all, why would he bring something for someone that clearly hate him. His eyes lit up with anger and determination, it was so much better when Chuuya was not here. No need to amuse the slug when he clearly doesn’t feel the same as him.
And one preeminence I’ll claim,
To be for ever still the same.
So, it was better to show Chuuya that he was better and superior than him. That he, Dazai Osamu, doesn’t need him to picked up what he broke and to move on. For him, it was a goodbye.
Show me a man that dare be true,
That dares to suffer what I do;
As Dazai finished packing, he goes in the kitchen quietly. With his things in his hand, his eyes look at the gold ring with a small ruby on it that was on his finger. Inside were words he knew to well.
‘Soukoku Forever’
He removes it from his finger and gently put it next to the cold food. It was dark, nearly midnight. Dazai waited for Chuuya for 5 hours now, silently suffering but no more.
‘Until he shows me that he can be honest with his feeling and suffer what he had done to me’ Dazai thought bitterly.
That can for ever sigh unheard,
And ever love without regard:
‘Until he shows that he is really capable to stay silent when he is suffering just like I did. And like my love for him, without asking for something in return but his love.’ He thought as he walks toward the front door.
I then will own your prior claim
To love, to honour, and to fame;
Then Dazai will accept his feeling once again, only after he prove to be true.
But till that time, my dear, adieu,
I yet superior am to you.
But till he proves Dazai that he can do it, he will leave. Saying a last goodbye because he was not like Chuuya, he was not petty enough to leave without saying goodbye, Dazai leaves a note next to the ring. Not knowing when will Chuuya come back or if he will even read it. But Dazai didn’t care, as he embraces the difficulties coming his way in order to walk out victorious in the light just like what Odasaku wished.