Chapter Text
Kaidan Alenko always knew he was different. Ever since he could remember, he always felt there was something separating him from other kids his age. He never was able to form friends easily, and there just seemed to be a barrier between him and everybody else, something that made him stand out. It wasn’t bad, really, and he didn’t think he missed out on anything when he was little, but still. The nagging feeling in the back of his head that he would never be normal wasn’t going away.
“Of course, that could just be my weird superpowers,” he thought, smiling to himself. A “biotic.” That was the term used to describe him by the two men-in-black representatives who showed up at his house that afternoon and basically demanded he be taken away. He still wasn’t sure what was happening, or why he was going. But he at least felt better knowing there was a term for what he was — and that there were others like him.
He was 14 when he had his first “episode,” as the therapists and doctors — hell, even his parents — liked to call what happened to him. He was walking home from school when a skycar went off course due to an electrical malfunction. It would have crashed right into him, causing him to get seriously hurt, or maybe even killed, but he glowed blue, and the skycar veered away from him. He was safe, but no one knew how.
That was 3 years ago. A myriad of studies and tests and evals had occurred since then, doctors and scientists studying him to try and figure out how and why he survived, and — most importantly — if he could do it again. If he could control it, that would apparently solve all of his problems. But he couldn’t, and nobody was more frustrated with his failure than him. His parents were supportive, of course, but basically failing at figuring out who he was wasn’t exactly fun, and it certainly didn’t help him in the making-friends department. But now, thanks to those Conatix representatives who showed up at his door when he got home from school that day, they knew what he was. And why he was.
17 years ago, Kaidan’s mother, according to some, was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Others, like those Conatix reps, believed she was exactly where she needed to be to create a “new subspecies of humanity.” Whatever it was — good luck or bad — his mom ended up being downwind of a skyship explosion in Singapore while pregnant with him, exposing him to dust particles of element zero, or eezo, while he was still forming.
Eezo exposure wasn’t good. Babies who experienced it usually died before they were born, or developed cancer or some other malformation, leading to short and painful lives. Sometimes, though, like in his case, it created nodules of element zero along the nervous system, giving the exposed person the ability to create mass effect fields when the nodules were flooded with electrical currents from the brain.
His “superpowers.”
He was reluctant to admit it, but he was excited to learn more about what it meant to be biotic, and how to actually use the powers given to him. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure if he was a freak of nature, or one of the luckiest kids in the world.
He was probably both. At least his episodes would — hopefully — end. He didn’t mind when they happened, but it could be quite annoying to all of a sudden create a burst of energy when he was feeling emotional. It didn’t feel pleasant for him, and he knew suddenly being covered in an electrical current wasn’t a great experience for anybody around him either. If he was able to get control of his biotics, enlisting in the Alliance wouldn’t be that bad of a tradeoff. And maybe he could finally make some friends who weren’t scared or repulsed by what he could do.
He sighed, looking around his room for anything he forgot to pack. His eyes landed on the pile of comics and novels on his desk. He went over to them, running his hands gently over their covers, then rifled through them, seeing if any caught his attention enough to make it into his suitcase. It was a point of pride for him that he still had physical copies of books and comics, when most of society had given them up in favor of digital versions on datapads. There was just something about feeling the paper under his hands, physically seeing how much he had left to read, smelling the old pages as he flipped through them … he sighed again. He probably shouldn’t bring any with him. He had no idea what he was walking (or flying, really) into, and he didn’t want anything to happen to them. They’d be better there, in his parents’ safe-keeping.
He still perused the titles though. The nostalgia it brought back was strong. He used to spend hours staying up past his bedtime, reading those books over and over. It fascinated him to think about what ancient humanity believed space travel and aliens would look like. Some of his favorites were woefully outdated, thanks to all they now knew, but he still liked reading them, regardless. His eyes landed on two well-loved copies of some of his favorite books: Ender’s Game and A Princess of Mars. It was ironic how much those two books influenced his life — and yet, they didn’t, considering just how wrong they had been about the Alliance and what existed on the planet of Mars.
Kaidan let his thoughts drift back to how humanity found themselves part of a greater galactic community, and how humans from hundreds of years ago sort of predicted the direction his life was now going to take.
20 years ago, Earth — and humanity’s — future changed forever when miners found the remnants of an alien research station located on Mars’ southern pole, proving once and for all that humanity wasn’t alone in the galaxy. He remembered his father talking about the discovery like it was yesterday. Similarly to the old conflicts and assassinations that used to plague Earth’s history, everybody remembered where they were and what they were doing when the news broke that alien life was unquestionably real.
His father also told him about the effect that discovery had on everyday life. The existence of aliens had immense consequences for the people of Earth. Many religions struggled with the realization that humans were not alone in the galaxy. Kaidan, himself, was not religious at all, and his mother told him she gave up her own beliefs when she heard about the existence of aliens, unable to reconcile the idea of extraterrestrial life and the religious teachings she had grown up with. His father never talked much about his own religious upbringing, but Kaidan suspected he still believed, and maybe even still practiced, though he kept it to himself. For Kaidan, the idea that there was some omnipotent parent-figure that guided each of their lives was laughable, and had no place in the new, galaxy-savvy, human society.
Whereas religions fell apart, however, the relations between governments excelled. 18 of the largest countries on the planet banded together to form the Systems Alliance, the galactic representative of Earth, and its military, tasked with protecting Earth’s interests in the greater Milky Way. It was to this military branch that his father pledged his service, an obvious next step for a man who had already served in the United North American States’ military. His father told Kaidan he was excited at the prospect of going off-world, and perhaps discovering if any aliens were still alive and could be treated with. Of course, his father told Kaidan later, he didn’t realize just how off-world he’d go.
Only a year after the discovery of the ruins on Mars, the Alliance found something orbiting Pluto, an object which they now knew to be called a mass relay. Some of Kaidan’s old textbooks still referred to that object as a moon, which astronomers had always thought it to be, before the invention of FTL travel allowed astronauts to get a closer look.
As far as Kaidan knew, humanity’s best scientists were still trying to figure out exactly how the mass relays worked. Students were taught the basics of how they functioned in school, however, perhaps with the hope that a younger generation might pick up on something the older scientists couldn’t.
From what he was taught, Kaidan knew the relays were giant pieces of technology that connected various planetary clusters and nebulae to each other. When a ship got near one, a massive electrical charge passed through what he only assumed was a large cache of element zero, starting the “jump.” The problem was, nobody knew exactly what happened after that.
With his education in quantum physics, Kaidan (and his teachers) assumed the relay either made a temporary hole in space that the ship passed through, or the mass effect field bent the space between two relays, letting the ship essentially “jump” from one relay to the other. Kaidan himself put more stock in the latter theory, as he liked how it reminded him of another ancient human writer’s theory of space travel, Madeleine L’Engle. She talked about folds of space as wrinkles, but the concept was essentially the same. Perhaps it was naive of him, but he’d be thrilled if a theory postulated hundreds of years ago, by someone who didn’t even realize that aliens were real, turned out to be true.
Another working theory, which Kaidan’s teachers liked to pose, but to which he himself did not really ascribe, was that the mass effect field generated by the relay phase-shifted an object into a different plane. This then caused the object to have less resistance to movement, allowing it to travel virtually instantaneously.
Regardless of how the mass relays actually worked (although Kaidan would love to be the scientist to figure that out), the Alliance began exploring the galaxy. Humanity sent out their first inter-system ship to discover whatever it was they could find on the other side of the mass relay orbiting Pluto, which the Alliance christened the Charon Relay. Kaidan’s father was on that first ship through, the SSV Kyoto. His father didn’t really talk in detail about what they saw when they first went through the relay. Whenever Kaidan asked, his father just told him the vastness of space made him feel infinitesimally small, and that it wasn’t a feeling he relished. Kaidan learned not to ask much about that experience, although his father’s status as one of the first humans through the relay made him somewhat of a local celebrity. This, along with Kaidan’s own personal issues, contributed to his isolation and lack of friends in school.
Upon the ship’s successful return from the other side of the relay, humanity began colonizing and expanding further into the galaxy. The Alliance built a fleet of spacecraft and intended to explore as far as they could, searching for any signs of the civilization that built the ruins on Mars. They didn’t find any alien life at all, however, not until eight years after the discovery of the Charon Relay, when Kaidan was six years old. That incident he remembered himself — when humanity met their first alien species, the turians.
Kaidan would never forget that humanity’s first ever alien contact resulted in open conflict, so-named the First Contact War by the Alliance. Although the war itself was short and relatively bloodless, he’ll always remember his father’s constant monitoring of the vids and news reports coming out from Shanxi. His father, thankfully, was not involved in the war, as he retired from active service when Kaidan’s mother became pregnant. His father told him he retired because he didn’t want to be offworld for the birth of his child. Kaidan suspected there was more to the story, but he didn’t want to make his father uncomfortable, so he never asked. With his relatively early retirement, Kaidan’s father had to watch his friends and colleagues fight these new aliens from the sidelines. It was the first time he ever recalled seeing his father nervous.
The war did not last long, as the Alliance’s military prowess was soon recognized, and the turians were forced into signing a peace agreement by what humanity soon came to learn was the Citadel Council. It turned out that humanity was not only not alone in the galaxy, there were a number of advanced species that had already explored and claimed most habitable planets in the Milky Way. That news was shocking to the citizens of Earth, to say the least.
Meeting these highly advanced species had an immense effect on Kaidan’s life, personally, as it led him to where he was now. Having access to the Citadel meant that now he — and the Alliance — had a word for what he was. And they wanted to study him.
He sighed, rubbing a hand over his forehead. He was still kind of shocked by the whole situation, if he was being entirely truthful with himself. That morning he thought he was a typical (well, as typical as he had ever felt) high school student, worried about studying, where he was going to college, and if he was ever going to get a date to homecoming. Then, that afternoon, two men in black suits showed up at his door, claiming to be representatives of Conatix Industries, and altered Kaidan’s life plan for good.
Conatix Industries was the leading developer of biotic implants, pieces of technology that would be inserted in his brain to allow him to control his energy pulses, therefore allowing him to activate his biotics whenever he saw fit. They also were one of the leading investors in the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training (BAaT) program they had established, with Alliance support, at Gagarin Station.
The representatives had informed him and his parents that he had been identified as a biotic of “significant potential,” and that he was to be transported to Gagarin Station as soon as possible. They told him there he would be outfitted with an implant and an amp and his biotics would be tested and trained, molding him to serve the Alliance.
They also made it clear that his biotics could potentially be quite dangerous, and that he really had no choice but to go with them.
Of course, his father was supportive of the training and told him he should be proud to serve. And in some ways, Kaidan was. He just wished he felt like he had a choice, that he actually had a say in his future. His mother, for her part, kept herself together fairly well. She did not so much as flinch when the Conatix Industries representatives told him they would be back tomorrow morning to collect him for transport. One night left with her son, for who knew how long?
Kaidan sighed again, knowing he should head back downstairs and spend as much time with his parents as possible. It wasn’t their fault he was a biotic, and it wasn’t their fault he was being hauled away by the military for training. For all he knew, his biotics could be dangerous without an implant and amp installed. And the last thing he wanted to do was hurt his family.
He closed the lid on his travel bag, clipping the latches shut with a satisfying snap. He then made his way downstairs, to enjoy his last night on Earth for the foreseeable future.
BAaT, or, as Kaidan quickly learned to call it, “Brain Camp,” wasn’t what he expected at all. His father had told him stories of basic training and military life. Although it was entirely possible that his father had glossed over some of the less glamorous parts of training, Kaidan didn’t think Brain Camp was anywhere near what traditional military training was like.
It didn’t start out terribly. The Conatix representatives accompanied him on his travels from Vancouver to the company headquarters in Atlanta. He was only there for a couple of hours before he joined the other biotic students being transported to Gagarin Station, or Jump Zero, as he soon understood was its colloquial name.
The trip to Jump Zero took a few hours, so the students all got a chance to get to know one another. Kaidan discovered most of the others were his age, 16-18, and they were from many different countries. He sat next to a guy, Shelby, from England, and Rahna, a beautiful girl from Turkey.
Kaidan was instantly drawn to Rahna. She was gorgeous — olive-colored skin, long, thick black hair that curled slightly at the ends, and the most stunning blue-green eyes he had ever seen. Being such a loner in school, he was surprised at how quickly he was drawn to her. But there was just something about her aura, her sweet and gentle nature, that he couldn’t get enough of.
He was also surprised to learn that his story wasn’t unique. Almost every student he talked to had the same history — isolation, a feeling of “otherness,” and shock when Conatix showed up at their door.
Nobody knew what to expect at Jump Zero. There really wasn’t any information or news that reached Earth about what went on there. Kaidan assumed the Alliance’s involvement meant “classified” and therefore an information blackout. Still, it would have been nice to know a little about the place he was going to call home for an indefinite period of time.
When the transport shuttle finally arrived, Conatix doctors greeted the students.
“Welcome to Gagarin Station, or, as you’ve probably heard it called, Jump Zero,” one of the doctors told them when they had all exited the transport. “From here on out, this group will be your family. You will eat together, train together, and sleep in the same section of the station. Your unit will be called Upsilon, and, when you all need to be referred to as a group, Upsilon is how you all will be addressed. Understood?”
All the students nodded, some even responded with a “yes, sir!” The doctor smiled at that, but continued on to the next part of his speech.
“Well, now that the brief introduction is over, the first thing we are going to do is perform minor surgery on you all to install the biotic implant and amp.”
“Makes sense,” Kaidan thought, as the group murmured their various reactions to the news. “Hard to train without the pieces of technology we need to control our abilities.” Still, he wished he had been given the chance to unpack, or at least get his bearings a bit, before being whisked away to the Med Bay.
Ultimately, the surgery was quick and relatively painless. He was informed he received an L2 implant (whatever that meant), the “latest in biotic technology,” and told to refrain from testing his new control until a teacher was present.
Once the surgery was complete, he was allowed to get his bunk assignment and to make himself comfortable at the station. To be completely honest, he was glad he got the surgery over with, though he found himself rubbing his hand often across the back of his neck, trying to feel for the amp. He couldn’t actually feel it unless he put pressure on it, but he knew it was there. That was enough to make it kind of weird.
The remainder of that first day was easy. He and the other new students got a brief tour of Jump Zero and an orientation about what daily life would be like at Brain Camp. He was pleased to find Shelby his bunkmate, and that he seemed just as excited to get started as Kaidan.
They were also told there would be limited communication between the station and Earth, due to the classified nature of what they were attempting to do. Kaidan figured that made sense, but it was still disconcerting to be told he wouldn’t be able to talk to his parents that often, or find out any news at all from back home. Being isolated from the rest of his peers at home had given him a closer relationship than most to his parents, and he wasn’t looking forward to not being able to share his progress with them.
At the end of that first day, Kaidan was intrigued by all the possibilities of Brain Camp and what he could potentially learn. He went to sleep believing that his life was going to change forever.
Little did he know just how right he was.
Chapter Text
That first day, Conatix hid the aliens. But they made themselves known at breakfast the next morning.
Kaidan had never seen a turian in person before. He had, of course, seen images of them on vids and news reports from the First Contact War. But there was no reason for a turian to get involved in the civilian life of Vancouver, British Columbia, on Earth. Not to mention that turians probably wouldn’t have been welcomed in his hometown. Most back home didn’t agree with the peace treaty that was signed between the two species. Although many were not in favor of the war, they thought the turian government did not do enough to make reparations after their occupation of Shanxi.
Needless to say, Kaidan had never dreamed there would be turians at Jump Zero, assisting with one of the Alliance’s most classified projects. It was strange. The aliens looked … harder, once they were in front of him.
The turians’ introduction happened while the students were in the middle of eating a generous portion of eggs, toast, bacon, and sausage. A group of six of the aliens entered the mess hall, accompanied by a Conatix doctor. Most of the students stopped eating when the group walked in, and most of the conversation died down as well.
“Welcome to your first official day of BAaT training, Upsilon Unit,” the Conatix doctor said. “For those of you that don’t know me, I am Dr. Talbot. I oversee the medical portion of your training. If something goes wrong with your implant, don’t hesitate to let someone know, and you will be brought to me. We still don’t know too much about this technology. If a problem were to go untreated…” he trailed off, letting the students fill in their own implications, which were probably much worse than anything that actually could have happened. “I am also here to patch you up when training gets a bit rough. But the majority of your time here will be supervised by Commander Vyrnnus,” Dr. Talbot gestured to the turian immediately to his right, “so get comfortable around him quickly. You all have received your schedules. Training begins immediately after breakfast. Good luck.” He smiled before gesturing to the turian — Commander Vyrnnus — again.
The commander stepped forward slightly, and said “Eat up,” before his mandibles flared, and he promptly turned on his heel and left the hall. The other turians followed him out, the rear being brought up by Dr. Talbot.
As soon as they left, the noise in the mess hall tripled in volume.
“Turians?”
“Here?”
“Why?”
“When my parents find out —”
“Your parents can’t find out, we can’t contact anyone back home —”
“Huh,” Shelby said to his right.
“What?” Kaidan asked.
“I just … well, I thought if any alien race was going to be brought in to teach us biotics, it’d be the asari. They’re the ones who are all biotic, right? Do turians even have biotics?”
“I’m not sure,” Kaidan admitted. “I haven’t heard of any turian biotics, but then, that information might have been kept quiet by the Alliance.”
“True,” Shelby considered what Kaidan said. “This should be interesting.”
“It really will,” Kaidan agreed.
After breakfast, the thirty or so students that comprised Upsilon Unit were brought to what could only be described as a giant cargo hold that was entirely empty except for a series of crates lined up in the center. When the group filed in, they were greeted by one of the turians and told to line up about 10 meters away from the crates.
Commander Vyrnnus was pacing behind the crates, and didn’t turn to look at or acknowledge them until they all fell into formation. When they were in line, he stopped moving and pivoted to face them.
“As you know, I am Commander Vyrnnus. You may address me as Commander Vyrnnus.” He walked around the crates and began making his way down the line of students. “BAaT is not easy. You will be pushed harder than any of you have been before. More will be expected of you than ever before. Most of you will not make it. Some will crash and burn. Some will get too injured. Some might piss themselves and run home, back to that little planet of yours.”
The commander was right next to Kaidan now.
“But I don’t care. I’m not soft, like you humans.” Vyrrnus stepped up, right in front of Kaidan’s face. “Your pathetic excuses will not sway me. Your whimpering will not slow me. I’m a turian.” He moved past Kaidan. “I was at the helm of the dreadnaught that killed your father.” The commander moved on to the next student.
“My father didn’t fight in the First Contact War,” Kaidan spoke up. He felt all eyes turn to him, felt Shelby’s gaze through his peripheral vision, although Kaidan remained staring straight ahead.
Commander Vyrnnus took a step back, so he was in front of where Kaidan was standing again. He stood still for a few moments, looking Kaidan up and down, judging him.
“What was that?”
Kaidan flicked his eyes to meet Vyrnnus’, before returning to staring straight ahead. “My father retired from the Alliance Military before the war started. To a great little inland home in Vancouver that matured to beachfront,” he continued.
The commander remained in front of Kaidan for a few more moments, searching for what, he didn’t know. Finally, his mandibles twitched, in what Kaidan could only assume was a sort of smile.
“Throw. Now.”
Kaidan’s façade faltered, his eyes meeting the turian’s again. “What?”
“Biotic throw. Do it.”
“But I don’t know how —” Kaidan started to protest.
“Do it!” Commander Vyrnnus screamed in his face.
Kaidan concentrated, hard, summoning what little knowledge he had of biotics and trying to bring up that feeling he had in his body whenever he accidentally did anything biotically.
He began to feel a burning sensation at the back of his neck, searing hot pain that started spreading down his limbs and felt like it was flowing through his bloodstream. It was different than anything he had felt before when using his biotics. And definitely more painful. He assumed he could thank his new biotic implant for the feeling. He concentrated on that pain, using it to spur his biotics into action. He focused on one of the crates in front of him and threw his hand forward, trying to throw the crate as far as he could. It lifted in the air and flew about 10 meters before landing with a crash.
He felt the other students around him stiffen, either with surprise at his ability or apprehension at what the commander was going to do next.
Vyrnnus turned his head slightly to assess what Kaidan had done, then turned back to his student. “You call that a throw?” Suddenly, the commander glowed a brilliant blue, and Kaidan found himself hurled through the air, crashing soundly into the wall behind him, 15 meters away.
The students began murmuring and Shelby made to head to Kaidan’s side.
“Quiet!” Vyrnnus shouted, and the noise ceased immediately. “Nobody move!”
The commander glowed blue again, and another blue aura surrounded Kaidan. This time, it lifted him into the air and brought him back to his spot in line, unceremoniously dropping him to the ground. Kaidan refused to make a sound at the impact.
“The first thing you lazy, ungrateful children need to learn,” Commander Vyrnnus took one last look at Kaidan before beginning to walk back to the crates in the center of the room, “is how to defend yourselves. Biotics can be a great asset to any military force, whether in a support position or on a ground assault team, but they are only effective if they don’t get killed. So.” He reached the crates and turned to face them. “Maintaining a biotic barrier will be one of your biggest assets on the battlefield. Go,” he said. He and the two other turians in the room began biotically throwing the crates at the line of students. Commander Vyrnnus threw the first at Kaidan, who managed a weak barrier right before the container hit him, although it still knocked him down.
Other students scattered and began running.
“No!” the commander screamed. “Hold the line! Don’t dodge these crates, defend yourself biotically!”
The crates still kept flying through the air. Students still kept getting hit. Although getting hit by a crate without a barrier was extraordinarily painful, no student actually got knocked out, so the exercise continued.
Those students who defended themselves by lifting, pulling, or throwing the crates away weren’t criticized nearly as harshly as those who manually defended themselves, but they were all told this exercise would go on until each student passed out or could make a barrier.
After a full morning of training, all of them could make a barrier.
But barely any of them could move.
“Eat up,” the commander told them again, before heading out the door.
“What the hell made you do that?” Shelby asked Kaidan, when they had finally managed to drag themselves to the mess hall and get some food in them. “Talking back to Vyrnnus like that. You got a death wish?”
Kaidan shrugged. “I dunno, man. There was just something about him that pissed me off, you know? Like, I can already tell he hates humans, and I don’t like being judged as an entire species. And I guess I just kinda … snapped. Wanted to show him that he didn’t own me. Was it that stupid?”
“Yes,” came a melodic voice from behind him. Kaidan turned and saw Rahna walking over with her tray of food. “May I?” she asked, gesturing to the seat beside him with her tray.
“Of course,” Kaidan replied, rather quickly. He blushed slightly, but hoped it would be covered by the flush of exertion that still covered most of their faces.
“It was incredibly stupid. But also incredibly brave.” She smiled at him, and his heart started racing, like he was back in the training room again.
Kaidan ducked his head and started eating some of the food in front of him.
“So do you think that was just a ‘throw them in and see who drowns’ type of situation, or do you think every day is going to be like this?” Shelby asked, trying to break the awkward silence that fell over the trio.
Kaidan shot him a furtively grateful look.
“I don’t know,” Rahna mused, placing a delicate finger on her chin. “It couldn’t have all been retaliation for your talk back, could it?”
Kaidan shrugged again, trying to hide his wince at the pain the movement caused in his battered and bruised body. “Not sure. And I don’t know which one I want it to be, either. A teacher who punishes students that severely is not a good sign. But if it wasn’t punishment, if that’s just his teaching style and every day is going to be like that…” he trailed off. “Every day can’t be like that, can it?”
It was Shelby’s turn to shrug. “You heard the commander. ‘Most of you will not make it.’ I don’t think Brain Camp is going to be very fun after all.”
Chapter 3
Notes:
Mild reference to self-harm, child endangerment/death
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It turned out Commander Vyrnnus wasn’t just punishing Kaidan, and that first day of training was one of their easiest. The commander continued pushing the students, hard, many times withholding food, or even water, from them until they performed the way he wanted them to.
They eventually fell into a routine: wake up, eat breakfast, train, eat lunch, train, eat dinner, then lights out. They quickly learned how important maintaining their caloric intake was, and took every opportunity to stuff their faces, especially since they never knew when Commander Vyrnnus would make them skip a meal. Kaidan remembered hearing stories from his father about how the mess chief wouldn’t let soldiers leave until all the food they had been given was eaten, to maintain the soldiers’ energy throughout the day. The students at BAaT never had to worry about not wanting to finish their food. Some days, it felt like they ate and ate and ate, and still were never full.
The only time the students had to themselves was the few hours between dinner and lights out. Although there was no extranet connection and still no off-station communication, they were allowed cards and other games, which they played as often as they could.
These hours also gave them a lot of time to talk and get to know each other, which Kaidan didn’t mind, because he was the only student from Canada. He was intrigued by the different customs of other cultures, mainly, how they treated their biotics. It seemed that biotics were pretty much universally shunned. Kaidan wasn’t sure if that information made him feel glad that he wasn’t alone in his experiences, or sad that other humans mistreated his kind so easily.
He thought humanity had grown beyond being bothered by such differences.
This downtime allowed the students to become uncommonly close, and Kaidan and Shelby’s friendship was no exception. Shelby was a technical genius, always tinkering with whatever tech he could get his hands on. Kaidan was fascinated by Shelby’s knowledge, and Shelby was happy to teach Kaidan some of what he knew. Kaidan had always done well in math and science, but never really took the time to consider the real-world applications of what he knew. He was glad he had someone like Shelby to introduce him to that world.
He also was becoming closer to Rahna. Although her kindness and compassion drew almost everybody into her circle, she still made time for him, still made sure he was included and never felt left out. He couldn’t express how much that meant to him, to have somebody like Rahna care about him, if only in friendship. He wanted to tell Rahna just how much her kindness affected him, but, then again, he didn’t think he had to. Somehow, it seemed that she already knew.
Commander Vyrnnus was in a particularly bad mood one session, and nobody knew why. As far as the students were aware, they hadn’t done anything to piss him off directly. Kaidan had even refused to talk back when the commander kept him sustained in a stasis field for half of an assignment, and then berated him when he was the last to finish.
But boy, was the commander in a bad mood.
That afternoon, they were practicing their singularities, trying to capture a set of blocks about 20 meters away without disturbing anything around them. It was very difficult work, and nothing they did seemed to satisfy the commander.
One of the students, Ayaka, couldn’t manage to form a singularity that captured enough crates. The commander got right in her face and screamed at her, making her perform a singularity over and over again until she finally pushed herself hard enough and managed to collect the right number of crates. Then she collapsed.
Rahna made to run over to her, but the commander issued orders to keep practicing, only motioning for Lieutenant Adratius, one of the other turians, to carry her to the Med Bay once all the other students got back to work.
Ayaka didn’t show up to dinner, nor was she there at all during meals or training the next day. When she didn’t show up for breakfast the second day, everybody knew something was wrong. She shouldn’t have been gone that long. Medi-gel could patch any minor injury (and some fairly major ones) almost instantaneously. Even if her injuries were more severe, Jump Zero had a state-of-the-art Med Bay. Injured students couldn’t train, after all. It was in Conatix’s best interest to maintain the students’ health to the best of their ability, allowing them to return to their education as soon as possible. Ayaka missed an entire day. That was unheard of at Brain Camp. Those who missed training sessions were sent home.
They didn’t find out anything about the situation until dinner that night. Dr. Talbot came to speak to them at the mess hall, telling them of Ayaka’s “unfortunate” death. The students erupted into noises of grief and disbelief at the news, and it took the doctor a good five minutes to recapture their attention.
“I’m sorry, Upsilon, I’m so sorry,” Dr. Talbot said, after he regained silence in the room. “I didn’t want to tell you, but Commander Vyrnnus insisted. He seemed to think it would make you work harder. I urge you all to dedicate your studies to Ayaka’s memory.”
He then left the room, and the cacophony resumed.
No games were played that evening. Instead, everybody in their group talked about Ayaka and shared fond memories of her, each grieving in their own way.
“Do you think that’s what happened to Ben?” Shelby asked, after a considerable stretch of silence befell the group.
“Ben?” Charli, another student, asked. “I thought he just washed out.”
“That’s what I thought, too,” Shelby said, turning to her. “But I saw him after training that one night. He looked … despondent.”
“You don’t think he killed himself,” she countered.
“I don’t know! I don’t know anything about this place. I just know that it’s dangerous, and the Alliance can’t know what’s really happening here. If they did, I’m sure they would shut it down.”
“That’s great,” Charli said, rolling her eyes. “And just how do you plan on getting the Alliance a message? No communication, no extranet, remember?”
“I’m working on something,” he said, barely catching Kaidan’s attention.
“Hey, where’s Rahna?” Kaidan asked instead of commenting on what Shelby had just mentioned.
“I think she’s in her room,” Charli said. “She and Ayaka were close. I don’t think she’s handling the news very well.”
Kaidan stood up, then, quite suddenly. “Where are you going?” Shelby asked.
“To find Rahna. She shouldn’t be alone at a time like this.”
“Kaidan I don’t think —” Charli started.
“It’s okay,” Shelby said, putting a calming hand on her arm. “Let him go. I think they both need this.”
Kaidan barely heard what his best friend said as he headed out of the rec room and down the hall.
Notes:
Thanks so much for reading! Chapters will be uploaded every Monday! :)
Chapter 4
Notes:
Eyyyyy look whose real life got in the way and made her not able to post on a consistent schedule! 😅
Even with the fic all written out, it was still too much for me to post, and I do apologize for that. I hope you enjoy as the story continues! I should be much better about consistently posting from now until next month when the fic will be complete. Thank you so much for your understanding 💖
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Even though the door to Rahna’s room was unlocked, he knew he should knock before entering. So he did, and he waited for her to let him in. And waited. He knocked again, and then waited some more.
Finally, a muffled voice came from inside. “It’s open.”
He walked through the door and started when he saw Rahna sitting on the floor in the corner of her bunk, knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Her tear-stained cheeks shone in the low light when she looked up to see who was entering.
“Kaidan,” she sighed, removing her hands from her legs and using their heels to roughly wipe away her tears. “I should have known it was you who was so insistently knocking on an unlocked door.” She laughed softly.
“I-I’m sorry,” Kaidan stammered, backing up toward the door slowly, hands raised in apology. “I just, I just wanted —”
“What?” Rahna asked, not unkindly. “What did you want?” She gazed up at him, her blue-green eyes shimmering with unshed tears.
“I wanted to see if you were all right. But now that seems like a stupid idea, of course you aren’t all right, you and Ayaka were close, and she’s, she’s —” Kaidan sighed, rubbing the back of his forearm across his forehead.
Rahna gave him a watery smile, and patted the floor beside her.
Kaidan took the hint and sat down next to her, back against the same wall. There wasn’t a lot of space in the bunk, so their shoulders ended up touching. Kaidan swore he felt a spark between them, but that might just have been their biotics reacting to each other. “I’m sorry,” he said, lamely. “I don’t know what else to say, but…”
“It’s not your fault,” Rahna said, leaning her head against his shoulder. “It’s not any of our faults. It’s that commander’s. It’s Conatix’s. It’s the Alliance’s. It our mothers’ for being around eezo dust when they were pregnant with us.”
“You don’t mean that,” Kaidan said, awkwardly moving his arm so he could wrap it around her shoulders. She snuggled in deeper to him when he did so, and sighed.
“I don’t,” she said, as tears began to flow down her cheeks again.
They stayed that way for a few minutes, just being in each other’s presence calming for both of them, silent tears continuing to be shed by Rahna.
Eventually, she broke the silence. “Do you think this is what it’s always going to be like?”
“Brain Camp?” Kaidan asked.
“No. Life. As a biotic. We’re all destined for Alliance service, aren’t we? Isn’t that the only real career choice for us? Does that mean, then, that our future will be full of pain and sadness, and death?”
He remained quiet, contemplating what she had said before answering. He began absentmindedly rubbing his thumb up and down her upper arm while he was thinking.
“Honestly? I don’t know. I was trying to think of other jobs we could have, but the world is still so against us even existing. I think serving might be the only place we feel safe.” He made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “Safe. What an odd thing to say after what just happened.”
Rahna nodded, but remained silent.
“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” Kaidan said, wanting to keep Rahna occupied, her thoughts off of the fate of her friend.
“What is?” she asked.
“That in order to feel safe, we have to be a part of the Alliance. In order to get peace, we must make war. Well, they never said life was easy for a biotic.”
“It’s not fair,” Rahna said, quietly, placing her hand gently on Kaidan’s leg.
He tried to ignore the stereotypical biological response that was rushing through his body.
“It’s not,” Kaidan agreed, tilting his head to rest upon hers. “It’s not fair at all. You’re right, we didn’t ask for any of this. But we’re here anyway. Might as well make the best of it. As hard as it is for us right now ... at least we’re here. At least we’re alive. And we owe it to them, to Ayaka, Ben, and all those who were exposed to eezo and didn’t make it, to live life as best we can.”
Rahna raised her head at the mention of Ben’s name, meeting Kaidan’s eyes again, searching for the truth. “Ben? You don’t think…”
“I don’t know,” Kaidan admitted, somewhat dejectedly. “But Shelby thinks so. He said he saw Ben right before he never came back … I don’t know,” he repeated. “I just don’t think anything is impossible now.”
“Nothing’s impossible?” she asked softly, turning her face toward his.
He swallowed thickly, clearing his throat to try and stop the inappropriate thoughts that entered his head, unbidden. “Yeah, umm, I mean we don’t even —”
Rahna didn’t allow him to finish his thought. She closed the last few inches remaining between them and planted a kiss firmly on his lips.
“Rahna, I —” he started to protest.
“Kaidan, shh,” she said, placing her lips on his again.
“Rahna, you’re grieving, you’re not thinking straight —”
She interrupted him again. “I might be sad, but I know what I’m doing, Kaidan. I like you. Do you not like me?” She pulled back slightly, biting her lip in what Kaidan could only understand as embarrassment or shyness.
Kaidan stared into her eyes, lost in their depths like he was staring into the waters of the English Bay. “Of course I like you,” he said. “I’ve liked you ever since I met you. And then I realized how kind, and selfless, and smart you are, and I fell for you even more.” His face burned red at his admission, and he had to look away from her beautiful eyes.
“Then what’s the problem?” she asked, shifting to face him fully now. The small space didn’t allow for much movement, and she basically ended up sitting in his lap. Instinctively, Kaidan’s hands settled on her waist. She brought her hand up to his face, placing it gently on his cheek, and applied a light pressure, so he had to turn his head to look at her. “I like you, Kaidan. I’ve liked you ever since you talked back to Vyrnnus.”
“Since the second day we’ve been here?” It was Kaidan’s turn to interrupt now. The idea that she had liked him since that day all those weeks ago ... it sent his mind reeling, going over all the different interactions the two of them had, and how he could have missed the fact that she felt that way. That she liked him.
Rahna liked him.
She laughed at his question, a sound that reminded him of wind chimes blowing in the breeze off the bay, back at his parents’ house. “I have,” she said, ducking her head behind her curtain of dark hair to avoid his gaze. “I thought what you did was really brave.”
“I thought you said it was stupid.”
“And I said it was brave, if you remember. Besides, you can be both. Yes, it was stupid. But it was also incredibly brave. You are a kind, sweet soul, but you also have a fire in you that I can’t stop thinking about.” Rahna tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned her face closer to his. “I know you think I’m acting this way just because I’m sad, but this is what I want. It’s what I’ve wanted for a long time. This is just the first time I’ve had the chance to say anything, as unfortunate as the timing is.”
Kaidan thought about that. It couldn’t possibly be true, could it? Was this really the first time he and Rahna had been alone the whole time they’d been there?
He began going through all the different times they spent together, trying to see if what she said was true. To his disbelief, he saw that she was right. Anytime they had any sort of chance to be alone, it never lasted long — they were soon joined by at least one other member of Rahna’s large friend group.
His eyes widened in realization as he looked up, meeting her gaze. “Are you sure?” he asked softly, searching her eyes for any trace of uncertainty or hesitation.
“I’m sure,” she said. “I know doing this now seems weird, but you checking up on me just confirmed what I already knew. You are a wonderful person, Kaidan. I think you have a kind soul. And I would really like to kiss you right now.”
Kaidan took a deep breath, his stomach flipping from nerves. “Okay,” he said on his exhale. “Just one thing … Rahna —” he stopped himself and looked away, his face flushing from his embarrassment.
She placed her hand back on his face, keeping him from looking away from her. “Kaidan, have you never kissed a girl before?”
His face burned even hotter with her question. He tried to turn his head away from her once more, but she kept him firmly in place.
“Kaidan,” she said softly, her eyes now shining with sincerity. “It’s okay, you can tell me, I don’t care. It just seems like you do, so we should talk about it before anything happens.”
He shook his head. “I haven’t,” he said, just as softly. “I just — I guess —” he cleared his throat, and looked up to finally meet her gaze. “I just never found the right person, I guess.”
“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” she said, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone.
“Yeah, but I’m sure you’ve kissed a bunch of guys, and I doubt I’ll be any good, so...” he trailed off, not knowing if he really wanted her to answer the question that he disguised as a statement.
“Not a bunch,” she said, still rubbing her thumb soothingly over his cheek. “Just one. And I’ll never kiss him again. He wasn’t a big fan of the whole biotics thing, you know.”
“Well, now that’s just too bad,” Kaidan said, lifting his hands from her waist to bring them up to the back of her head.
“Is it?” she asked, softly, as their faces began moving closer together.
“No, no it isn’t,” he whispered, almost on her lips, before he closed the infinitesimal distance that remained between their mouths, kissing her fully.
She made a soft noise at the contact and scooted closer to him, shifting herself so she was now completely sitting on his lap. She kept one hand cupping his cheek, while the other snaked around to the back of his head, resting lightly on top of his bio amp.
Kaidan’s hands remained firmly on the back of her head, at least until she began lightly tracing the outline of the amp below his skin. He shivered at the tingling sensation her movements made, a feeling that traveled throughout his whole body. Wanting her to experience that same feeling, he moved one of his hands to the back of her neck, and began tracing her own amp. His other hand moved to the small of her back, holding her in place.
When he began tracing her bio amp, her whole body shivered in his arms. “Strange, huh?” he asked, his voice slightly breathless from the sensations he was getting from her ministrations. “I’ve never felt anything like that before, have you?”
She shook her head, nuzzling the crook of his neck as he continued running his fingers over the base of her skull. “I had heard,” she sighed, leaning into his touch, “that this was possible from some of the older students here. They do it to each other to help ease the constant pain the implant causes. I just didn’t know it would feel like — like this.”
Kaidan murmured his agreement. “Makes it a bit more bearable, that’s for sure.” He brought his lips back to hers, wanting her as close to him as possible.
She pressed her tongue against his lips when they returned to her, trying to coax them open, asking for access to taste his mouth. He liked how her tongue was moistening his lips, and didn’t want that sensation to end, so he kept his mouth firmly closed. But then she applied some pressure to his bio amp, and an involuntary moan escaped him.
Rahna took full advantage of the new access he granted her, darting her tongue inside his mouth. Tentatively, he lifted his tongue to meet hers, touching it gently, reveling in how she tasted just as sweet as he had always imagined.
She started playing with him, entwining his tongue with her own, beckoning it back into her own mouth. She closed her lips over his tongue and sucked on it gently, nipping his bottom lip with her teeth.
Kaidan moaned again, gripping her tighter, pulling her in so her body was flush against his own.
Now it was her turn to moan. She brought her hands back up to his face, breaking the kiss for just a moment. “Kaidan,” she said, out of breath from their recent activity.
“Rahna?” he asked, meeting her eyes, looking for any sign of anger, or sadness.
“Just,” she planted a kiss on his lips, “just kissing, right? I’m not, I haven’t —”
Kaidan cut her off with a kiss of his own. “Just kissing. I’m more than okay with that.”
“Good,” she said, smiling as she began devouring his mouth once more.
They remained that way, sitting on the floor, limbs all tangled, kissing and cuddling, until the warning bell for lights off sounded. When they heard the tone, Rahna finally broke their kiss for good, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his own.
“Mmm,” she said, sounding disappointed. “We should stop. Charli will be back soon and, as much as I don’t mind people knowing about us, it might be kind of weird for her to walk in on us like this.”
“You’re right,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist to help lift her off of him. She stood up, letting out a little groan as she stretched her cramped muscles. She then offered her hand to help him stand up, Kaidan grunting with the effort of moving after having remained stationary for so long.
“I don’t want to assume anything, and I really don’t mean to imply anything,” he started, “but maybe next time, could we sit on the bed? The floor’s a bit hard if I’m being honest. That is, if you want there to be a next time,” he added, quickly.
Rahna laughed her musical laugh. Kaidan’s heart swelled with pride knowing he was the cause of that beautiful sound. “Of course there’s going to be a next time,” she smiled. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“And I wouldn’t want to,” he said, gathering her in his arms and hugging her tightly. There was a lot that he hoped he conveyed to her in that hug, things he couldn’t quite put into words yet.
The second warning bell for lights out sounded.
Rahna kissed him quickly on the lips. “Better get going, don’t want to get in trouble,” she said.
Kaidan nodded his agreement, moving toward the door. He squeezed her hand as a way to say goodnight, before heading through the doorway.
And running smack dab into Charli.
“Ow!” she said, rubbing her shoulder.
“Charli! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Kaidan rushed to apologize.
“I’m fine. Just wasn’t expecting to see you here, that’s all.” She looked past him, into their room, to where Rahna was standing, observing the scene. “What are you still doing here? You went to look for Rahna like two hours ago.”
“Kaidan was helping me work through my feelings on what happened to Ayaka.” Rahna thankfully spoke up before Kaidan had a chance to answer Charli’s question, which he definitely wouldn’t have done as eloquently. “Thank you, Kaidan. For everything,” Rahna added, with a small smile. “Good night.”
“Good night, Rahna,” he said, giving her a small smile in return. “Charli,” he acknowledged the redhead with a nod before departing the room for good, heading to his own bunk.
The last thing he heard before the door swooshed shut was Charli’s voice, saying, “Mmhmm, I bet he helped you work through your feelings, Rahna.”
Kaidan’s face burned red again at the thought that his and Rahna’s relationship would not be kept to themselves for long. But he also couldn’t stop smiling, knowing she felt the same way about him as he did about her.
With all the sadness at Brain Camp, all the pain, struggle, and hard work, he was glad he was able to find some glimmer of happiness in the vast darkness of space.
Notes:
Chapters will be updated every Monday (I swear!) Thanks so much for reading!
Chapter 5
Notes:
Look who's a fucking liar 🤣. Sorry about that. Life just keeps life-ing, but I gotta keep trucking on. I appreciate you all who are keeping with me on this journey! Much love.
Chapter Text
Life at Brain Camp continued as normal, or as normally as it could for any of the members of Upsilon Unit who were still recovering from Ayaka’s death. Commander Vyrnnus still worked them to the point of exhaustion, and then some. Students kept burning out, although no more deaths occurred (or none that Vyrnnus thought they should be told about). The routine continued: eat, train, eat, train, eat, relax, sleep. The more they worked, the more they understood the importance of eating, and their daily-required calories increased as they got stronger. Soon, Kaidan felt like he was eating for two typical Alliance soldiers. But he needed it. If he didn’t finish a meal, he felt it at training. His body was changing, muscles forming that he never had before. It was a new experience.
He and Rahna also continued their trysts. Soon, their friend group learned about their relationship. Their friends didn’t mind too much, although it did require that their rec time be split between friend time and alone time. As long as their friends weren’t being completely ignored, they tolerated him and Rahna together.
Kaidan couldn’t help it. He was falling for her. Spending so much time alone with her was great for improving his kissing skills, yes, but he also got to learn so much about her as a person, which only made his feelings for her grow. He admitted to her that he didn’t know much about Turkish culture, and she didn’t know much about Asian culture (although he himself had never traveled to Singapore, his mother had told him stories about his family there, and those were the ones he relayed to Rahna).
He thought he was in love, though he didn’t really have any basis to compare it to. He wanted to spend all of his free time with her, and he didn’t even care what they were doing. Sometimes they’d just lie in bed together, reading or playing games, barely communicating with each other. But just being in her presence, absorbing her energy, made Kaidan happier than he had ever been in his life.
Not to mention she was insanely brilliant. Kaidan knew Shelby was smart when it came to tech, but Rahna was as much his equal. Between the two of them, Kaidan learned as much as he could about the biotic amp in his body, about omni-tools, mass effect fields, and mass effect engines and generators. Sometimes it made his head spin, but Rahna’s kindness and patience made learning about the tech worth it.
After a few months passed, Kaidan finally decided that what he felt was, indeed, love, and that he couldn’t stand not knowing if Rahna felt the same way about him. The halfway point of down time was coming up, and Kaidan was just about to ask Rahna if she wanted to leave for some privacy, when Shelby came bounding into the rec room.
“Guys!” he nearly shouted upon his arrival, causing Kaidan to jump in surprise.
“Jeez, Shelby, loud much?” he asked.
Shelby took in the occupants of the room and seemed to think better of what he was about to say. Instead, he made his way to where Kaidan and Rahna were sitting.
“Guys, do you mind if I come with you when you excuse yourselves today?” he asked, a lot quieter now.
“Yes,” Kaidan said immediately, nodding his head for added emphasis.
Rahna only giggled. “I don’t think we’ve reached that stage in our relationship yet, Shelby. But if we ever do get bored, I’m glad to know that you would be interested in joining.”
Kaidan shot his girlfriend an incredulous look, before noticing the sparkle in her eyes that always appeared when she was teasing.
Shelby’s own eyes widened before he realized the possible miscommunication that could have occurred.
“What? No!” he said, shaking his own head vehemently. “Ew, I would never —”
“You would never?” Rahna asked, mock-offended.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with my girlfriend?” Kaidan added.
“No, not that I would never, I mean, I would love to, anyone with a pulse would —”
“Watch it,” Kaidan warned. “You should probably stop speaking before you dig that hole any deeper.”
Shelby blushed a deep crimson, shifting his gaze between Kaidan and Rahna. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, I mean —”
Rahna broke out into a fit of giggles, unable to keep the joke continuing. “We’re just having a little fun at your expense, Shelby, I’m sorry. That was unkind of us.”
“Perfectly fine by me,” Kaidan muttered, but smiled at his best friend all the same.
“You must admit, the way you asked to accompany us for our private time was a bit funny,” Rahna added, giving Shelby her brilliant smile. Kaidan’s heart melted at the sight of her.
Shelby opened his mouth to speak, but then seemed to think better of it. He paused, seemingly going over the events that led him to the present situation.
“I guess you’re right,” he conceded. “But guys, I need to talk to you.” He lowered his voice so both Kaidan and Rahna had to lean in closer to hear, “only you two. And I figured the best way to do that would be to go with you when you guys left here.”
Kaidan looked to Rahna, raising his eyebrows in a silent question.
She shrugged her shoulders back to him.
“Okay," Kaidan said to Shelby. “Let’s go.”
The three of them made their way to Kaidan and Shelby’s bunk. Once they were inside, Shelby locked the door.
Rahna giggled again. “Maybe he does want a threesome,” she joked, when she saw the lock whirl into place.
“Ha ha,” Shelby said, heading over to his footlocker.
“Okay, man, so if it’s not a threesome, what are we doing here?” Kaidan asked.
Shelby continued rummaging around in his footlocker until he finally found what he was looking for. With a triumphant flourish, he produced a small electronic device, waving it around excitedly.
“What is that?” Kaidan asked.
“Is that what I think it is?” Rahna asked at the same time.
“Take a look,” Shelby said, holding the piece of tech out to her. “Just, be careful with it, will you?”
Rahna closed the distance between the two of them in a few steps and took the tech in her hands. She began examining it from all angles, turning it this way and that. Finally, she examined the connections that protruded from the device.
“This is a transmitter,” she said, no question in her voice.
“It is,” Shelby said, somewhat proudly.
“A transmitter?” Kaidan asked, joining the other two at the piece of tech. “Does it work?”
“It does,” Shelby answered.
“How?” Rahna demanded.
“It took awhile for me to scrounge the necessary parts. Really, it was just taking apart some of the gaming rigs in the rec room. I also stole some components from Jump Zero’s internal communications systems. But that doesn’t matter. What does matter, is that I just tested it before I went to get you guys, and it works. We can send messages. Receiving them is a little more difficult, I think I’m still missing a component or two, but I should be able to figure that out soon enough, and any received messages will be stored in the data bank as code, just waiting for me to create the interface to retrieve them, so that’s not really a problem —”
“We can write home,” Rahna said softly, interrupting Shelby’s excited chatter.
“We can,” Shelby said, smiling. “More importantly, we can contact the Alliance and let them know what the hell is going on here. I don’t think they know students are dying. If they do…” Shelby trailed off, unwilling to finish that thought. “They just can’t. We need to tell them what Vyrnnus is doing to us. And when we do, they have to let us go home, or give us a new teacher, at least.”
Kaidan and Rahna exchanged glances, unsure about the viability of the transmitter. But they both knew they wanted to try contacting their families, regardless. It had been months without communication, the longest either of them had ever been away from home. They were, they were loath to admit, a bit homesick.
“Okay,” Kaidan said. “How long can the messages be?”
“As long as you want them to be,” Shelby said. “Go ahead and take the rest of the evening to draft something, and I’ll send them after lights out.”
“Thank you,” Rahna said, hugging Shelby tightly. “I know my family will be thrilled to hear from me.”
“Yeah, man, this is really cool,” Kaidan said, hugging his friend as well. “I’ll have something for you soon.”
“Me, too,” Rahna said. “Actually, Kaidan, if you don’t mind, I’m going to spend some time alone to gather my thoughts.”
“Of course,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in for a hug. He kissed her forehead. “I’ll be here if you finish early.”
She smiled, kissing Kaidan quickly on the lips, before swinging her hair around and rushing out the door.
“Man, have you got it bad.” Shelby was grinning at Kaidan after the door closed.
Kaidan just remained silent, spending a few moments looking to the place where Rahna just was.
“Shut up,” Kaidan said, not giving his friend any attention. “Nah, man, really,” he said, finally turning toward where Shelby was sitting on his bed. “Thanks for this. I’m my parents’ only kid. It’ll make them really happy to hear from me.”
“One of the reasons I did this,” Shelby replied, smiling. “Now get to writing! I can’t wait around forever.”
Kaidan grinned back at his friend before grabbing a datapad and getting to work.
“Commander, something you need to see,” a deck officer spoke to Vyrnnus over the comm in his room. “We have an unauthorized data transmission off station.”
“Destination?” Vyrnnus grunted through his sleep-addled brain.
“Looks like it’s heading to Earth’s buoy sir. With multiple destinations on planet after that.”
“Can you find the source?” the commander asked, not as worried about a comm that was kept within the Sol system.
“Signal’s encrypted,” the deck officer informed him. “We can decrypt it, but it’ll take some time.”
“Let me know when it’s done,” Vyrnnus responded.
“Aye, sir.”
“Vyrnnus out.”
The turian turned over in his bed, trying to get settled so he could fall asleep quickly, maximizing the little time he knew he had before the decryption algorithm finished its work.
He sighed. “Which cadet was stupid enough to decide that calling home was more important than the classified nature of this program?” he thought, shaking his head. He’d find out soon enough, he supposed.
For his part, he hoped it was Alenko.
With the pleasant thoughts of every way he’d torture the idiot who sent the transmission coursing through his mind, he drifted back to sleep.
Chapter 6
Notes:
What's this? I'm actually updating on the day I said I would? Say it ain't so! Hehe. Anyway. this is the one in which The Event™️ happens, so I hope you all enjoy!
Chapter Text
At breakfast the next morning, Shelby informed Kaidan and Rahna that the transmission was a success. He also told them he was close to making a receiver, and was hoping one of their families wrote back soon, so he could test out that bit of tech.
Kaidan hadn’t felt this light-hearted since before Ayaka died. That event was incredibly bittersweet for him. While it did lead to him and Rahna finally admitting their feelings for each other, it was also the first time he had really experienced death. He knew he would never forget the way Ayaka’s body looked as it lay broken on the floor. It was hard for him to admit, but if Kaidan was absolutely truthful with himself, he knew she was dead when she hit the ground. He just didn’t recognize the complete absence of life at the time. He shuddered, as Ayaka’s last moments came rushing back to him. He had no idea how soldiers dealt with death every day. And he had no idea how he was going to be able to do the same.
But he had gotten to write a letter home. He let his parents know he was all right, and happy (he was, overall, happy, regardless of the hard work and physical pain he was in. He had never had such close friends before, not to mention a girlfriend. He didn’t, in a million years, think someone as kind, smart, and beautiful as Rahna would fall for him. He still didn’t always believe it himself.) He didn’t tell his parents about Rahna in his letter, however, as he didn’t think the first thing they heard from him should be about a girl he met. Besides, he figured he would have other chances to tell them, hopefully in other letters he could send with Shelby’s transmitter. He was also excited about potentially hearing from his parents soon. He wouldn’t admit it to anybody, but he did miss talking with them.
That morning’s training was just as tough as ever, but even that couldn’t damper his spirits. Commander Vyrnnus seemed to be in a decent mood himself, for once, and even let them go to lunch a few minutes early.
Today was a good day.
He and Rahna walked to the mess hall together, discussing the rare treat they had just received. They were in line for drinks when Kaidan noticed Shelby was missing. He mentioned as much to Rahna.
“I don’t know where he is,” she said, moving forward in line. “Maybe he took this opportunity to work on his tech proficiencies.”
Kaidan knew that was her code for the receiver Shelby was trying to perfect. Kaidan sighed, hoping Shelby knew what he was doing.
Rahna was just about to pick up her electrolytes when the door to the mess hall opened. Kaidan looked over, hoping to see Shelby walking into the mess. Instead, he saw Commander Vyrnnus. That struck Kaidan as odd, as the commander never ate with his students. The teachers had their own room to take meals.
“Attention cadets!” he shouted over the din. “Upsilon Unit, training room, now!” The noise had died down, but nobody made to move, unsure if the commander was serious. He normally kept them through mealtime. Letting them go early, allowing them to almost get their food, before taking it away? That was next level cruelty, even for him.
“Now!” the commander shouted again, before heading back out of the room.
Everybody moved at once.
Trays were left where they were, drinks were put down immediately, and Upsilon Unit scattered and made their way to the training room as soon as possible, in some cases tripping over each other to not be the last one in the room.
Kaidan glanced at Rahna, who bit her lip nervously and shook her head slightly. She had no idea what was going on, either.
They joined the rest of their unit on the way to the training room, a low murmur rippling amongst the students, as they all tried to figure out what they had done to deserve their meal being taken away.
They didn’t have to wait long to find out, though, as their question was answered as soon as they stepped foot in the training room.
Rahna gasped when she saw, her hands immediately flying to her mouth. Kaidan, for his part, just put his arm around her shoulders, powerless to do anything at the moment, he knew, though his body was rippling with tension.
The sight that greeted them when they entered the room was Shelby, stripped down to his basics and tied to a post, hands and feet bound. When Kaidan looked closer, he saw his best friend had been beaten quite severely, fresh cuts and bruises all over his body, but concentrated mainly on his face.
The students began murmuring again, each shocked by what was presented to them. None of them even acknowledged the large pile of training blocks stacked beside their peer.
The door opened and Commander Vyrnnus walked in.
“So,” he began, walking toward the group of students. “Here I am, training you ungrateful assholes day and night, and this is the thanks I get? I know you pathetic, soft humans don’t know much about the galaxy, no matter what your government thinks, but the Milky Way is not a safe place! There are terrorists, batarians, humans, that need to be stopped, need to be destroyed. My people did not wipe yours out because the Council thought humanity showed potential. The only race with military capabilities that came close to what the Turian Fleet had. Well,” Vyrnnus laughed bitterly. “I’d like them to come here and see what worthless children I have to deal with. The Council gave you a chance to prove yourselves, and this is how you repay them? By thinking this training is some kind of joke?”
He walked over to Shelby at this point, and grabbed the boy by the hair. Shelby winced, and Kaidan clenched his fists. Rahna moved slightly closer to him and shot him a sideways glance. “Calm down,” she seemed to be telling him. Kaidan took a deep breath and focused on Vyrnnus again.
“Do any of you know what this idiot has been up to?” The students remained silent. Vyrnnus reached into a container and pulled out the transmitter. Kaidan felt more than heard Rahna suck in a breath. He closed his eye briefly, his worry for his friend increasing.
“Do you know what this is? No?” Everybody still remained silent. “This, my pathetic trainees, is a transmitter. Do you know why making a transmitter might be a bad idea?” When nobody said anything, the turian continued. “BAaT is a classified program. Do any of you fuckers,” Kaidan felt Rahna wince at the venom behind that word, “know what classified means?” And still nobody spoke. “Classified, for you ignorant fools, means secret. No one can know about it. Do you know what sending a poorly encrypted message can do, for the classified nature of this program? Make it not classified!”
Vyrnnus was getting really worked up now.
“Alenko!” he called. Kaidan remained stoic, staring straight ahead, and avoiding Shelby’s gaze.
“Did you know about this?” the commander asked him, raising the transmitter so he could get a good look at it.
Kaidan’s eyes briefly flicked to Shelby’s, meeting them and asking the silent question of “What do I do?” But all he saw was the look of his terrified friend, certain he was going to die for this.
Kaidan’s thoughts were racing, trying to determine the best course of action for all involved. If he admitted to knowing about the transmitter, he might take some of the heat off of Shelby. Sharing the blame might make the punishment less severe for the two of them.
Or the turian could just kill them both.
He glanced over at Rahna, who had silent tears running down her face. Kaidan’s heart contracted, knowing that whatever he said would probably also rub off on her. It was no secret the trio hung out together. If Kaidan admitted to knowledge of the transmitter, he was sure Rahna would be asked next. And he had no idea how she would react.
Kaidan made eye contact with Shelby once more, before staring straight ahead again, and said, “No, sir.”
The commander walked over to Kaidan and stopped in front of him. “You are telling me that you had no idea what your bunkmate was up to?”
“Yes, sir,” Kaidan stated.
Commander Vyrnnus stepped up very close to Kaidan, their faces almost touching, and stared at him, right in the eyes. The commander maintained eye contact for an uncomfortably long period of time. And Kaidan just stared back, not flinching, thinking of home, of his parents, anything to not give away that he did, in fact, know about the transmitter.
Finally, the commander spoke. “Then you’re more stupid than I originally thought. Though that doesn’t surprise me.” He then turned and spoke to the group at large. “Fine!” he shouted. “Nobody wants to claim they knew about this? That’s perfectly fine. Today’s lesson, then, will be one of teamwork. A unit is only as strong as their weakest link. Often, you live or die by that weakest member. So today,” the commander crossed over to where Shelby was tied up, and released him. Shelby collapsed to the floor and it took all of Kaidan’s self-control to not run over to his friend. “We are going to work on teamwork. See these blocks?”
He gestured to the large pile of blocks stacked next to where Shelby was secured. “You are going to work together to build this structure,” the commander punched something into his omni-tool and the schematic for a complicated structure appeared in the air, hovering over the blocks. “If one of you makes a mistake, the blocks will collapse, and you all must start over. Understood?” The students murmured their agreement. “I said, understood?” the commander shouted.
“Yes, sir!” the cadets replied.
“Then get to work,” the commander bowed his head and swept his hand out in a mockery of grace.
Kaidan gritted his teeth as the rest of the team began to sort through the blocks.
“Remember!” the commander called, “everything must be done biotically!”
While the rest of the students began lifting and pulling the blocks apart, Kaidan made his way to where Shelby was gathering himself up off the floor.
“You okay?” Kaidan muttered to his friend, while beginning to move blocks as a cover, trying not to let the commander see them conversing.
“What do you think?” Shelby muttered back, joining his friend in the biotic activity.
“I’m sorry,” Kaidan said softly.
“It’s not your fault,” Shelby returned, slightly shaking his head. “I thought I hid the signal well enough among the other station traffic, but I guess not.”
The pair remained silent for a while, continuing to concentrate on the blocks.
“Do you think he’s going to kill me?” Shelby asked, eventually.
“No,” Kaidan replied immediately. “We just need to finish this exercise. Once we do, he might question you. Just claim you were homesick, so you weren’t thinking straight. You’re not a spy for whatever enemies Vyrnnus thinks Brain Camp has. His prejudice should fill in the rest of the gaps. Hopefully he’ll just think you were a human, acting stupidly, like all humans do, to him.”
“Hopefully,” Shelby said, as the boys returned to concentrate on the task at hand.
They were never going to finish. The pattern was too complicated, and they were all too tired. They missed lunch, so their caloric reserves lasted for only about an hour into the exercise before they were completely gone.
It was a catch-22. The longer it took them, the more tired they got. The more tired they got, the more mistakes they made, so the more times they had to start over, prolonging the exercise.
They were never going to finish.
Kaidan lost track of how many times they had to restart, as well as how many hours into the exercise they were when the first student, Georg, passed out from exhaustion. He thought it had been about four.
“Leave him,” the commander said when he dropped to the ground.
Kaidan had immediate flashbacks to Ayaka and her death. He hoped Georg had allowed himself to succumb to exhaustion before pushing himself that far. But he had no way of knowing.
Georg wasn’t the only one to fall, just the first. They were happening about every 20 minutes, now. So many had fallen that only about half of the unit remained actively working on the project, including Shelby, much to Kaidan’s surprise.
But he was so hungry. And thirsty. All Kaidan could hope was that soon they would be finished. One way or another.
Rahna was standing to his right. He heard her breathing becoming more labored, and Kaidan risked a glance over to her. She was sweating profusely, her hair sticking to her forehead and her neck. Her mouth was open and she was actively panting.
Kaidan could tell she was just as thirsty as he was.
She must have felt him staring and looked over to him. That small break in her concentration caused the block she was currently trying to install to wobble, tipping the block next to it precariously. Kaidan threw up a quick stasis field and held the second block in place, allowing Rahna to complete her task without causing an error. She smiled at him slightly, grateful for his help.
His aid did not go unnoticed by the commander, however.
Vyrnnus walked over to the two of them, watching them work the whole time.
“That was a great save, Alenko,” he observed. Kaidan said nothing.
“No, really, it was. I’m not mad. Remember, this exercise is about teamwork. Of course you all can work together to keep the construct in place.” The commander then turned to Rahna. “Oh, my dear, you are sweating. You must be really thirsty. Here, let me get you some water.”
Kaidan felt her tense next to him, unsure of what the commander was up to. He tracked Vyrnnus’ movements with his eyes, trying to find out what he was doing.
The commander headed over to where he and the other turians were observing the students and where they had, apparently, hidden a jug of water. Vyrnnus poured some into a glass and floated it over to where Rahna was, placing the glass right in her field of vision.
“Go ahead,” he called over to her. “The water’s all yours.”
Rahna ignored him, concentrating on the blocks in front of her.
“I’m serious. I’m not that cruel. I’m not going to offer you water and then take it away. I can see how thirsty you are. You may have the water.”
Rahna spared a quick glance at the glass in front of her. It looked so tantalizing, just hovering there, waiting to be drunk. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. She reached for the glass.
“Oh dear,” Commander Vyrnnus sighed. Suddenly, he flashed blue and biotically pulled Rahna’s arm up and away from the glass she had almost reached.
Kaidan heard the crack, and then her scream. Commander Vyrnnus had broken her arm.
Before he knew it, Kaidan’s vision blurred white with rage. He summoned as much strength as he had remaining, and shoved the commander with the strongest biotic punch he could manage, throwing him against the back wall.
The exercise forgotten, the students all turned, shocked, toward the commotion. Shelby, for his part, was glancing between Kaidan and the commander, worried for his friend.
“Kaidan…” he warned softly. But whatever else his best friend was going to say was drowned out by the taunting of the turian in front of him.
“Well, well, well,” Commander Vyrnnus said, getting up off of the floor. “So you do have it in you, don’t you? I wondered how long I could keep pushing you until you snapped. Seems like hurting your girlfriend was it, though.”
Vyrnnus glowed blue again and hurled a shockwave in Kaidan’s direction. Kaidan hastily applied a biotic barrier and withstood the force. The students around him scattered.
“Too bad it took me this long to figure out you two were fucking,” he continued.
Kaidan lunged, throwing the commander into the air. Vyrnnus’ own barrier prevented him from being lifted, but he still took a step or two backwards.
“Tsk, tsk, Alenko,” Vyrnnus said. “Don’t you know emotions are a weakness? Connections are a weakness? That’s why turians don’t really get married when they’re serving. We just fuck each other to ease battle nerves, then move on. Doesn’t matter who fucks who next. In fact, I’ve probably fucked every turian on that dreadnought I piloted. Doesn’t mean I’d get into a duel for them.” His mandibles flared and a sound that could be mistaken for laughter erupted from his mouth. Kaidan wouldn’t know, though. He’d never heard a turian laugh before.
The commander threw a crate at Kaidan’s head. Kaidan dodged and lifted the commander into the air, before slamming him back down. Before he had time to regain his balance though, the commander sent another shockwave in Kaidan’s direction. Kaidan’s barrier was weakening (he was so hungry) and so the shockwave managed to knock him to the ground.
And so the duel continued, Vyrnnus and Kaidan circling each other, each sizing the other one up. Even though Kaidan was starving and exhausted, he managed to hold his own. He was sort of impressed with himself.
Eventually, the commander got tired of their little standoff, and decided it was time to end it. He pulled a knife and lunged. Unused to melee combat (they hadn’t really covered that in training yet) Kaidan was unsure how to protect himself, and was too tired to summon a proper barrier. The commander sliced Kaidan’s right side. The cut was not deep, but it was long. And he began bleeding everywhere.
He saw red. He was angry. Angry at the commander for killing Ayaka. Angry at him for beating and berating Shelby. Angry at him for breaking Rahna’s arm. But playing dirty in a duel with a student, no, that was the last straw. Kaidan and his friends had been tortured and abused by this man for too long. Life wasn’t supposed to be like this.
And it wouldn’t be any longer.
He had no idea where he found the energy. No idea what he actually summoned. He just knew he had to fight back. His life depended on it.
Kaidan glowed a vibrant shade of blue and shoved the commander as hard as he could. Vyrnnus was lifted up and thrown against the wall. It was a bad angle. The rush of blood in his ears prevented Kaidan from hearing the resounding crack that everybody else in the training room did.
Kaidan rushed over to the commander’s prone body, intending to ensure he couldn’t get up and retaliate. Kaidan was just about to kick the commander in the face when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Alenko!” Lieutenant Adratius was shaking him. When he looked over at the other turian, the lieutenant looked as if he had been trying to get Kaidan’s attention for a while.
“What…” Kaidan trailed off, looking around the room. Shelby gave him a sympathetic look. The other students were all gazing at him with a mixture of shock and awe. But he kept looking for the eyes of the one person he wanted, no, needed to see. The only person who mattered to him in the entire world.
Finally, he found her. She had managed to stand and was cradling her right arm in her left. But her eyes … when Kaidan saw the look on her face, his heart broke into a thousand pieces. It showed him nothing but revulsion and horror.
“Rahna,” Kaidan began, starting to move over to her.
“Alenko, you aren’t going anywhere,” Lieutenant Adratius said, strengthening his grip on Kaidan’s shoulder.
“What are you talking about?” Kaidan shot back, trying to shake himself free.
“Alenko, look at the commander. Really look at him.”
“What? I don’t need to —” Kaidan flicked his gaze to Commander Vyrnnus’ body lying on the ground. Then he did a double take. The commander’s head and neck were bent in a way that shouldn’t have been possible. Kaidan looked closer. The commander’s eyes were still open. But he wasn’t breathing.
“You need to come with us,” Lieutenant Adratius said.
“I … yeah, okay,” Kaidan said, all adrenaline rushing out of him. He was tired. So tired.
The lieutenant nodded to the two other turians in the room, who headed over to the commander’s body and began picking it up. The lieutenant then led Kaidan away, out of the training room. Right before they reached the doors, Adratius spoke, not even bothering to turn around to face those he was addressing.
“Class dismissed. Get some food and go to bed.”
Then he and Kaidan walked out the door.
Chapter 7
Notes:
The penultimate chapter! In which the consequences of Kaidan's actions catch up to him
Chapter Text
Commander Vyrnnus was dead. And Kaidan had been the one to kill him.
The time between the training room and the brig was nothing but a blur to him. His adrenaline was pumping so hard, and the crash that came after was significant. Not to mention he was operating on an empty stomach.
He remembered talking to Lieutenant Adratius for a few minutes, before being brought to Dr. Talbot to have his cut looked at. He remembered Dr. Talbot telling him he was lucky to be alive, and that he had almost burned himself out completely.
He remembered other nameless faces of doctors and Conatix representatives, questioning him and trying to determine what had actually happened in the training room.
And he remembered being told he was going home. He had to pack his things under escort, and only then when Upsilon Unit was at training, so there was no chance he would run into anybody.
Kaidan deserved it. He had killed a man.
The door to the brig opened. Kaidan didn’t bother to look up though. If they needed him, they’d tell him.
“Kaidan,” a voice said from the other side of the glass.
He looked up, gazing upon his friend. His best friend, if he were to be entirely honest with himself. But still he didn’t say anything.
“Kaidan, I —” Shelby’s voice faltered when Kaidan met his eyes. “I’m … I’m sorry.”
Kaidan just stared at him.
“If I hadn’t created the transmitter, none of this would have happened. Rahna wouldn’t have gotten hurt, you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did. None of us would have been in that situation in the first place.”
Kaidan shook his head, sighing at his friend’s thoughts.
“It’s not your fault, Shelby. It would have happened sooner or later. I think I’m happy it was sooner. Though not soon enough, if you’re Ayaka, or Ben,” Kaidan finished bitterly.
“I just … I hate seeing you like this. Alone. On that side of the glass. I should be there, too.”
“You shouldn’t. All you did was make the transmitter. I’m the one who actually —” Kaidan faltered, still not able to say what he did out loud. “I’m the one who needs to be here. I’m the one who deserves to be sent home.”
“Kaidan…”
Kaidan smiled at the sincerity of his friend, then frowned when he acknowledged the anguish and guilt Shelby was feeling. “Shelby. You were my first friend. I’ll never forget that. Continue training hard. I think you’ll do great things in the Alliance. You’re wickedly brilliant, and not a half-bad biotic, if I do say so myself.” His friend smiled at that. “And I don’t blame you for a single thing that happened here. It…” Kaidan faltered again, trying to find the words to describe his thoughts, his feelings. “It would have happened eventually. You heard Vyrnnus. He was waiting for me to break, pushing me. Punishing me for what I said that first day in the cargo bay. Hell, he probably only made such a big deal about finding the transmitter because it was found in my room. If anything, I should be the one who is sorry. That beating he gave you…” Kaidan trailed off, letting the image of his friend beaten and bloodied wash over him. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I think you being my friend made you a target for Vyrnnus.”
He examined Shelby’s face for any lingering signs from his punishment, but the medi-gel seemed to have done its job.
“You don’t need to be sorry. You’re a great guy, Kaidan. I’d take a beating for you any day.”
Kaidan just rolled his eyes.
“I mean it,” Shelby said, stepping closer to the glass for emphasis. “You may have learned a thing or two about tech from me, but I learned how to be a soldier — a leader — from you. You’re my friend, too. And I’m not sorry I met you.”
Kaidan didn’t know what to say to that. So he just managed a quiet, “thank you,” before falling into silence.
The two friends remained that way for a while, Kaidan sitting on the brig cot and Shelby standing by the glass. Finally, Kaidan stood up and made his way over to him, getting as close as he could to the other boy with the barrier between them.
“I’m glad I got to know you,” he said.
“Same here.” Shelby formed a fist with his hand and placed it on the glass. Kaidan mimicked his actions. “Hey, I put my parents’ extranet address in your stuff before you packed up. So it should be there. Look me up when I get out of here? Not that I know when that will be, but my parents … my parents’ll be the first to know when it happens. Not that I expect you to check in on my parents every month or whatever —”
Kaidan cut him off. “I’d be happy to. I’ll make sure they’re okay, Shelby, I promise. And if somehow ... if somehow you are able to get a message out … my family is the only ‘Alenko’ in Vancouver.”
Shelby nodded. He was going to say something else when the door to the brig opened and a guard walked in.
“Time to go.”
“Goodbye, Kaidan,” Shelby said, placing his hand on the glass once more before leaving.
The guard accompanied Shelby out of the brig, and then returned to Kaidan’s cell. “You too, Alenko. Transport’s here.”
“Wait, I can’t go, not yet. My girl— I’m still waiting for one more person to come say goodbye.”
“Sorry, transport won’t wait. If they aren’t here, too bad.” The guard walked over to the door and opened it. “Your belongings are already loaded, so we’re going straight to the shuttle.” Three more guards appeared to join the escort.
“Damn, I’m not that dangerous,” Kaidan attempted to joke. None of the guards even acknowledged that he had spoken.
Kaidan spent the entire walk from the brig to the shuttle bay trying to get the guards to let him talk to Rahna.
“Please, if you could just comm her.”
“No.”
“She might not know this was when I was leaving.”
“Too bad.”
“I need to see her.”
“No.”
“Please, I know she’ll want to see me —”
“No.”
Kaidan was getting desperate. But when he and the guards arrived at the shuttle bay, Rahna was waiting outside the entrance for him.
“Rahna,” he breathed. He turned to the guard nearest him. “Please, I need to talk to her, please. Just for a minute. I just need to say goodbye. Please.”
The guard checked his omni-tool and sighed. “The transport is going to leave in the next five minutes. You get one to talk to her.”
“Thank you,” Kaidan said, trying to put his immense gratitude into those two words. He gestured for Rahna to walk a few steps away from the guards, so they could have a semblance of privacy. He reached out to touch her, but she flinched away from him.
Kaidan tried to pretend that didn’t almost break his heart. “I didn’t think I was going to see you before I left.”
“I didn’t think I was going to come,” she said softly.
“How — how’s your arm?” he asked, suddenly quite nervous when he noticed how she was acting toward him.
“It’s fine. Dr. Talbot mended it straight away.” She paused, looking at the ground, refusing to meet his eyes.
Kaidan didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to fix this. He just wanted her to look at him.
“I’m sorry, Rahna…”
The sound of her name seemed to wake her up, and she lifted her gaze to meet his straight on. “How could you do that, Kaidan? How could you —” she cut herself off, tears welling in her eyes.
“How could I do what? Defend myself against Vyrnnus? Defend you against him? And Shelby? I’m sorry he died, but even Dr. Talbot and the Conatix representatives knew he was out of line.”
“I understand what you intended to do. But that still doesn’t give you the right —” she started.
“I didn’t do it on purpose!” he protested.
She sighed, running a hand over her recently mended arm. “Didn’t you?” she whispered, dropping her gaze again.
“Of course not!” he said, passion overtaking him. He stepped toward her, and she took a step back. Oh, his heart wasn’t going to survive this encounter. He lived through his duel with Vyrnnus just to be killed now, in the hallway outside Jump Zero’s shuttle bay, by his girlfriend.
“I didn’t go into the training room thinking I was going to do that,” Kaidan continued. “I didn’t intend to fight him. I wasn’t trying to —” It was Kaidan’s turn to cut himself off. He still couldn’t bring himself to say it.
“I think I loved you,” she said. Now he knew his heart had shattered. He really wanted to just fall over and die there. “I don’t know much about love, but, I think I did. I was going to tell you the night Shelby showed us the transmitter. But now … I don’t know. How could I love someone who can kill a man in cold blood?”
Kaidan was lying to himself. His heart wasn’t just shattered. There was now a black hole where it used to be.
“Time to go,” the guard called out to him.
“Just another minute, please!” he called back.
“No, that’s enough. The shuttle is leaving soon, and you are going to be on it,” the guard shouted, coming closer to him.
Kaidan turned to face the guards. “Please, you said the shuttle wasn’t going to leave for another few minutes. I can’t leave it like this, I can’t —”
The guards reached him and grabbed onto his upper arms. “Let’s go. Now.” They grabbed him roughly.
Kaidan twisted his way out of their grasp, flaring blue. Shocked, the guards let go of him briefly. He turned back to face Rahna. But she was already walking down the hall, away from him.
“Rahna!” he called. She turned back around at the sound of her name, and saw the struggle occurring between the guards and him. She smiled sadly, tears freely flowing down her face. “I love you, too!” he called out. Instead of her running back to him, like he wanted, though, she just waved, and continued walking away.
“Let’s go, Romeo,” the guard said, dragging Kaidan toward the doors to the shuttle bay.
Kaidan twisted around in the guards’ arms, silently begging Rahna to turn around, just turn around and show him her beautiful smile one more time…
But she never did. The last thing he saw of her was her shiny, slightly curly, black hair swinging down her back as she walked away from him, never looking back again.
Chapter Text
Kaidan was depressed.
After leaving Jump Zero, he had returned to his parents’ home in Vancouver. They didn’t know the full story of what happened at Brain Camp, just that there had been an “incident,” and Kaidan had to leave, pending an investigation from the Alliance.
He had only left home for a few months, but he had already shit the bed in the worst way possible. He lost his first ever girlfriend, someone he truly thought he loved, and was cut off from all of his friends.
Oh, and he killed a man.
He spent all of his days up in his room, sleeping, barely eating, only appearing when his parents basically dragged him out from his self-imposed isolation. But even when they had succeeded in removing him from his room, he refused to go outside. The only fresh air he got was on the balcony off of his room. In fact, he had taken to spending most of his time sitting out there, either reading, or watching the ships come in over the English Bay.
He still really liked ships.
A knock sounded on the door of the balcony and he jumped, then cursed himself for being so easily startled.
“Sorry,” his father said, stepping out into the fresh air to join his son.
“It’s fine,” Kaidan muttered, turning his attention back out to the bay, his attention firmly fixed on watching the ships.
His dad smiled at him sympathetically, silently handing him a beer. Kaidan took it, gratefully, taking a deep swig of the liquid. Although the drinking age was technically 18 in public, there wasn’t any law keeping a parent from serving their child in their own private residence. Kaidan was glad his dad was allowing him to drink.
Besides, Kaidan suddenly realized, he was going to be 18 next month anyway. Time really did pass strangely at Brain Camp.
Somewhere in the midst of the hardship, torture, and students’ deaths, it had become 2169.
His father cleared his throat. “I know you don’t want to talk about it —”
“Dad,” Kaidan started to protest.
His father just raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Hey, just hear me out.”
Kaidan took another deep drink from his beer. “What is it?”
“The Alliance just sent an email. They wanted to let you know ... due to, how did they put it, ‘external pressure’ was it? Yeah, due to ‘external pressure,’ BAaT has officially been shut down.”
“What?” Kaidan exclaimed, raising his eyebrows and turning to face his father.
“That’s what the email said.”
Kaidan sat quietly for a few minutes, gazing out at the bay and occasionally taking additional sips from his bottle.
Finally, his dad cleared his throat again. “Do you ... do you know what sort of ‘external pressure’ they might be talking about?”
Kaidan maintained his vigil. “I do.”
His father sighed. “Right. Well, the Alliance said everything’s been taken care of, and you’re clear to go back to training if you want. Apparently they’re working on a new program, similar to BAaT, but with more direct Systems Alliance oversight. Or so they claim.”
“I’m not going back to the Alliance,” Kaidan replied immediately.
“Kaidan —” his father began.
“You don’t know what it was like, Dad. You don’t know what I’ve seen.”
Now it was his father’s turn to raise his eyebrows. “I know I wasn’t always on the front lines, but I’ve seen some things, too. I’m here, if you need to talk. Or, if not me, I know some other people you can talk to. They’re not biotics, but they are military. They might be able to help.”
Kaidan sighed, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck, putting a little pressure on his bio amp. The familiar tingling sensation that bordered on burning served to ground him. It also reminded him of Rahna. He immediately pulled his hand away.
“I made some mistakes, Dad. They were for a good reason, and the people these mistakes affected ... well, let’s just say I’m not sorry they were caught in the crossfire. Most of them,” he amended, as Rahna’s face briefly flashed in his mind again. “The Alliance wouldn’t be shutting down BAaT unless I was right. But ... my actions did have collateral damage. There was…” Kaidan drained his beer. “There was a girl. And I cared about her, I really did.” He still couldn’t bring himself to look at his father, so he kept looking out at the bay. “She said she understood why I did what I did, but, even though she understood it, she couldn’t agree with it. She just walked away from me. I had everything, Dad. I finally had friends, a future. And that all got taken away from me because of one action. One justified action. It’s…” Kaidan swallowed as emotion threatened to close his throat. “I just don’t think it’s fair. And I know life’s not fair, but still.”
His dad took another drink of his own beer and closed the distance between them. “One of the hardest lessons I had to learn, I think,” he said.
“What’s that?” Kaidan asked, finally turning to look at his father.
“That even the best choices, those decisions that you know in your gut are the right ones, even those have consequences. Just because something is the right thing to do, it doesn’t mean it’s exempt from the fallout. I’m sorry your girlfriend was one of those consequences.”
“I didn’t —” Kaidan began to protest, but then thought better of it. Who else could read him better than his own parents? So he just said, "thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Just know, your mother and I are here for you, to talk about whatever, whenever. Or I could have you chat with one of my buddies. Just let me know.”
“Thanks,” Kaidan said again. He really did mean it. They stood together quietly for a while longer, watching the sunset over the water. Finally, Kaidan spoke up again.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
His father laughed at that. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at you. But don’t worry about it! You’re only 17 — okay, almost 18 — but you have your whole life ahead of you. I know the Alliance is probably going to be tight-lipped about what went on at Gagarin Station, but I’m sure you can at least get them to give you proof that that’s where you were and why you didn’t finish high school. I’m sure the University of Toronto would be glad to have you. Or maybe you can go back and finish high school?”
“High school would seem pointless after Brain Camp,” Kaidan responded. “But college…” he trailed off, thinking. “I did start learning tech at Brain Camp. And I kind of liked it.”
“There you go,” his father said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Of course, you don’t have to go to school if you don’t want to, but it's a viable option.”
“Yeah, it is,” Kaidan said, smiling for what he felt like was the first time since he returned home. “I think I’d like that.”
And as he and his dad fell into a companionable silence once again, Kaidan let his thoughts turn to the situation with Vyrnnus. It was fucked, to be sure, but he also had to count the blessings that Brain Camp had given him. It'd let him connect, for the first time, with other biotics. It had let him realize that he wasn't, after all, alone. There were others like him. Others who not only shared his strange magical powers, but shared other interests of his as well. Like tech and comics and ancient sci-fi films.
He wasn't alone. And although he'd never forget the terrors BAaT had inflicted upon him, he'd never forget those small moments of joy and reprieve, either. Those times where he truly felt connected to his peers for the first time, well, ever.
Brain Camp was indeed a nightmare, but maybe it didn't have to be his nightmare.
Suddenly, the other part of what his dad told him sunk in. BAaT was shutting down. Yeah there was another school, but he doubted the students would be sent there immediately. They'd probably have at least a few days of downtime. Shelby'd be home.
With now a second thing to look forward to, Kaidan took a deep breath, letting his pain, his worry, wash over him, as he resolved to live his life on his terms from then on. If only for those who no longer could.
Notes:
Thank you so much for taking this little journey with me! I appreciate each and every one of you for reading and I hope it was at least a little bit entertaining.
My first ever Mass Effect fic has finally been posted in its entirety! A weird feeling, to be sure, but one I hope you all enjoyed as well.
New_York_Times_Books on Chapter 6 Tue 13 Feb 2024 09:23AM UTC
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AriPG on Chapter 7 Fri 03 Jan 2025 08:47PM UTC
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AriPG on Chapter 8 Fri 03 Jan 2025 09:08PM UTC
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