Work Text:
The exhaustion creeps up on him like it always does after a particularly tiring mission; he feels a bone-deep ache, muscles tight with tension refusing to relax and his head pounding beyond relief. He can barely stand on his feet but he has to go back home. He promised the kids that he would be back by Tuesday night and he refuses to break such a promise; especially when Tsumiki hides her fear behind an overly wide smile and Megumi looks upon him with distrust every time he leaves the apartment. He feels like he has already broken it because a glance at his phone tells him that it is 3:07 AM on a Wednesday.
He barely has the energy to teleport himself back but that might be the most effective and quick way to get back to his kids. He slaps his cheeks with his palms, urging himself to focus on his destination before collapsing the space between him and the apartment he thinks of as home.
As he appears in the doorway of their dimly lit home, Satoru falls onto his knees. It takes him a few seconds to realize something is wrong. The cursed energy seems to be outpouring more than usual for two tiny kids. He hears the sound of whimpers, stuttering breaths and choked sobs. Tsumiki? She is the only one who has cried in front of him twice in the three months they have known each other.
The first was because she was down with a fever that had Satoru more scared than he ever remembered feeling. The second was because she had had a bad day at school having received a bad grade on a test. Satoru’s heart had broken for her but he also felt a sense of happiness that her biggest problems were now a test grade instead of worrying when her next meal would be and if she would still have a roof over her head the next day.
Bringing his mind back to the sobs coming from the living room, he thinks maybe she had a bad dream. There have been times she has crept into his room in the middle of the night, haunted by monsters in her dreams. Most of which are a result of the horror films she and Megumi watched during the day when he wasn’t there.
He forces himself to stand up; his work as Gojo Satoru may have finished for the day when he killed off that special-grade but his work as Satoru won’t be done until he puts her to bed (but secretly he knows his work as Satoru won’t be done until both his kids grow up and maybe even after that). He uses the wall to support his weight as he walks over to the living room where he sees a lamp dimly illuminating the room. He sees Tsumiki huddled on the couch and just as he is about to make his presence known, the figure lets out another sob and shifts so that spiky hair peeks out from the corner of the couch.
Megumi.
This throws Satoru into a panic. What could have possibly happened for Megumi to cry? In the three months they have cohabited in this apartment, Satoru came to find that he hadn’t ever come across a six-year-old who had such a strong hold on his emotions. Megumi reminds him of himself when he was younger; burdened under the weight of being the strongest while simultaneously pressured by the worship his clan subjected him to. The apathetic looks, the blankness in his face, the watchful gaze and distrustful stares. When Satoru found Megumi, he saw himself and then he did everything he could to make sure to give Megumi something better than he was given.
In the beginning, Megumi wanted nothing to do with him. Gojo thought he was doing a fantastic job because Megumi never asked anything of him and eighteen-year-old Gojo couldn’t be bothered to run after a kid to figure out if there was something left unsaid. But that changed three weeks later when Megumi and him were walking back home from his school, Tsumiki had left to play at her friend’s home. Satoru had gotten distracted by Yaga messaging him about the details of his next mission only to look up to see Megumi gone.
Heart in his throat Satoru had looked around frantically; he had the Six Eyes, so finding a kid shouldn’t be hard. But in his panic, it took him a few minutes until he stumbled into an alley to see Megumi backing away from a curse. It was a Grade four but Megumi was six – he couldn’t possibly know what to do then. His back was against the wall and his divine dogs growled at the curse. Satoru had a split second to look at Megumi’s face to see the fear before he moved and exorcised the curse in mere seconds.
He had teleported himself to the end of the alleyway where Megumi stood because walking over would take too much time. He had knelt on the dingy floor and put his hands on Megumi’s shoulder muttering the same thing over and over again “You’re safe, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe” as he checked for any injuries. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything more than that. He hugged Megumi to his chest and picked him up as he stood up. A few minutes later as they continued the route back to their home and Megumi’s tiny arms were wrapped around his neck, he asked the one question lingering in his mind – “Why didn’t you call me?”
Megumi hadn’t answered, had just looked away but Satoru had understood – Megumi hadn’t trusted him to be there. Underneath whatever reasoning Megumi could come up with, the bottom line was simple. Megumi didn’t ask because he didn’t think he would receive it. All this time Satoru thought that Megumi was a self-sufficient six-year-old, he didn’t realize the abnormality attached to it.
Gojo Satoru hadn’t taken Tsumiki and Megumi in to replace their father but goddamnit he would try to be an adult they could rely on no matter what. Because he hadn’t had anyone like that growing up. Because Tsumiki and Megumi were just kids and they deserved it. Because he was the only one around who gave a shit about them. He was the best chance they had so he would be the best he could be for them.
After that, things changed, Megumi had slowly but surely started to ask for help. Help for tying his shoelaces, something Satoru hadn’t even realized he didn’t know. Help in his math homework, all the while grumbling that he could do it but it would be faster if Satoru did it for him. Help in the form of telling Satoru, he hated bell peppers and didn’t want them in his food anymore. Help in the form of asking for a vanilla ice cream on a hot day simply because he craved it. Because he finally knew that Satoru would get it for him if he asked.
So, it didn’t make sense that after three months of living together, this was the first time he had seen Megumi cry. He had to move, he had to do something. Even though he was vastly unqualified for this situation, he was the only one Megumi had to depend on apart from Tsumiki; he had to move.
He brings himself closer to the edge of the couch and sees Megumi lying sideways curled in a ball, one hand over his waist as though he is holding himself and the other over his mouth to muffle any sobs that escaped him. Satoru’s heart broke and gone was the exhaustion; the only thing that mattered now was Megumi.
He knelt in front of the couch, reaching out a hand to touch his hair, “Megumi?”
He didn’t realize he had dropped his infinity sometime earlier until he touched Megumi’s hair. The sobs stopped and Megumi’s eyes snapped open to look at him. He didn’t say a word and kept staring at him, completely still as though he had stopped breathing.
“Megumi,” Satoru said barely above a whisper, “Megumi, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Are you okay?”
Megumi stayed silent as Satoru ran his hand through his spikey hair. He looked for any signs of injury while Megumi’s eyes stayed glued to his face.
“Megumi, talk to me,” Satoru almost begged, “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.”
“You’re here?” Megumi asked, his voice hoarse from all the crying.
“Of course, I am,” Satoru replied, “tell me what’s wrong.”
Suddenly, Megumi’s face changes. Gone is the sobbing boy and an angry one emerges. His eyes harden, his mouth curling into a frown as his tears run angrily down his face. He wrenches himself away from Satoru’s hand, backing into the couch further as he stands on it. In this position, he stands taller than Satoru’s kneeling form.
“Why are you back?” He asks and Satoru doesn’t know how to answer this question. He’s back because he promised he would be. He’s back because this is his home.
He’s back because he wants to be more than anything.
But before Satoru can answer, Megumi raises his voice, “Go back. Why are you here? Go back, Gojo!”
“Megumi, what are you talking about?” is all Satoru can push out, his head nothing more than buzzing words and thoughts that he can’t comprehend.
“We don’t need you; I don’t want you here. Why did you come back? I thought you were gone. Go away.”
“Megumi, you need to calm down. I don’t understand–”
“Why are you here? Get out, get out, get out!”
Satoru’s head is reeling, and the adrenaline he came down from after his mission starts up again. Heart thundering in his chest, he thinks this is it. He’s somehow managed to drive away two kids just like he did Suguru. He doesn’t know what he did this time, not that he fully understands what went wrong last time.
But the only thing that makes it through to Satoru’s head, despite the building panic, shame and hurt, is that Megumi is still crying. As he borderline shouts at Satoru, his tears haven’t stopped flowing. The way he has backed into the back of the couch reminds Satoru of a scared caged animal more than anything.
This isn’t anger, Satoru realizes, he doesn’t know what it is but it isn’t pure anger or hatred like he was fearing.
Satoru brings himself to sit on the coffee table behind his back, levelling himself to Megumi’s height. He breathes in, tries to formulate words, sentences, anything to explain to Megumi that he isn’t going anywhere even if he hates him when Megumi seemingly have had enough of his silence, launches himself at Satoru. Tiny fists beat at his chest, a stray catching him on his jaw and wow this kid can pack a punch for his age. He keeps his infinity off as Megumi continues his barrage of little hits all the while crying and yelling.
“Why? Why is it off? Get out! Why are you here? I don’t want you; I don’t need you. You were gone. You left. Go away now, please!”
Satoru gathers him in his arms, pulling him to his chest and seating him on his lap as Megumi tires himself out. Satoru holds him silently, running a hand through Megumi’s hair as he rocks them back and forth. Megumi's hateful (hurtful) words dissolve into sobs and snort as he clings to Satoru instead.
Satoru doesn’t know how long he stays there, fighting back the burn in his own eyes as he listens to Megumi’s sobs. These feelings must be so big for the tiny six-year-old boy, Satoru thinks. He doesn’t want to call it a tantrum because it isn’t. It's bigger than that. It's deeper than that. It’s a struggle more than anything. It comes from problems Megumi shouldn’t have at such a young age. It comes from problems Satoru has developed recently and it breaks his heart to see the same fear reflected back in Megumi’s eyes. It makes Satoru want to revive Toji just so he can kill him again. Again and again and again.
“Megs” Satoru all but whispers, “I’m sorry I’m late.”
Megumi just clutches tighter.
“I should have texted you that I would be. I didn’t leave, Megs, I wouldn’t” Satoru doesn’t know how to put it into words. How to make Megumi understand that he has nothing to fear; not about this, never about this. All of this could have been avoided if he was just responsible enough to call or text. It hadn’t even crossed his mind. Guilt eats away at him but he knows there will be time for it later, right now Megumi is the priority.
“Listen to me, I promise, I won’t leave you behind. I won’t leave you and Tsumiki behind. You may not like it but you both are my kids. Not that I’m trying to replace your father or anything but you are my responsibility. Mine because I want it so. I’m not going anywhere. Just on missions and then back home.” Megumi stays silent but still as he listens. “Talk to me, Gumi. What were you scared of?”
Satoru knows but he needs Megumi to tell him so that he can show him he has nothing to fear anymore.
“I-I-” Megumi stutters and clutches Satoru closer by the neck, “I thought you were gone; you wouldn’t come back like dad and Tsumiki’s mom. I thought you left, got tired of us. Didn’t want us anymore but then I thought that-that,” he hiccups, “you were dead.” He breathes in, “if you- if you die then we will have no one. If you leave, we won’t have anyone. Don’t go, Satoru please.”
Oh, Satoru’s heart stutters, oh.
No one has ever feared Satoru’s death; he’s the strongest. He’s the one that changed the Jujutsu world just by being born. It’s probably unfathomable. It’s now unfathomable to him as well ever since that stint with Toji. After all, he alone is the honoured one on Heaven and Earth. But to this kid, his death would mean something else. It wouldn’t mean something like it does to the rest; a shock, an impossibility, a loss in the war against curses and nothing more. To Megumi, it would mean the loss of the only person he can rely on. The only one who’s there.
“Megumi, nothing’s going to happen to me, I’m the-”
“The strongest, I know,” Megumi cuts him off as he pulls his face away from Satoru’s shoulder, “but being the strongest doesn’t mean you can’t die, right? Did I understand it wrong? Will you live forever?” Will you be there forever, is left unsaid.
Satoru, as according to the pattern of tonight, is at a loss for words. No, being the strongest doesn’t mean invincibility or immortality. He’s arrogant, arrogant enough to cheat death and be sure that he can do it again and again but he isn’t above the laws of the universe. The law that everything has a beginning and an end and one day he will meet his; he can only hope it’s when Megumi doesn’t need him anymore. But as emotionally stunted as he is, he knows he can’t tell this to Megumi. Kids aren’t meant to understand mortality this early, especially not the mortality of their only caregiver.
“Megs, when I say I’m the strongest, I mean it. I’m not saying it to boast or anything. I am untouchable. You’ve felt my infinity.” He raises his hand with his infinity switched on and concentrated on his palm and holds it up for Megumi who, after some hesitance, unwraps one of his arms from Satoru’s neck to hold it against the infinity. “I won’t leave, by choice or by death. I’ll die an old man, Megumi.” He leaves the ‘I promise’ at the tip of his tongue unsaid. He won’t do that to Megumi.
“I know it's scary when I go on missions and especially when I take longer than I should, but I can promise you that when I fight out there, I’m fighting so that I can come home to you and Tsumiki.”
Megumi looks at him, tears filling his eyes again. He starts to cry in earnest and the only thing Satoru can do is hold him through it and place a kiss on his head. It takes a while for Megumi to calm down but when he does, he whispers softly from his place against Satoru’s chest, “I’m sorry for hitting you and everything.”
Satoru smiles, he wishes he could take credit for this side of Megumi but it's all Tsumiki’s influence. He can’t resist the second kiss he places on his forehead. It’s rare for Megumi to be okay with his affection and Satoru is aiming to take full advantage of this situation and smother him in it.
“It’s okay, Megs,” Satoru says, “I get it.” He probably should tell him that punching doesn’t solve anything but feels like that may be too hypocritical.
“Now, did you sleep at all or did you wake up some time ago?”
Megumi’s silence is telling. Satoru sighs, glancing at the clock to see that it's almost four. Megumi has school tomorrow but maybe they both can take a mental health day. If Tsumiki chooses to stay at home then they can go out somewhere and make a day out of it. Holding Megumi tighter, Satoru stands up, swaying slightly on his feet.
“Off to bed, now.”
He walks down the hallway, taking a quick peek into Tsumiki’s room to see that she is sleeping soundly. He might have to have a similar conversation with her too, maybe she is hiding this deep-rooted fear of abandonment too. As he walks past Megumi’s room, Megumi says, “Satoru, my room is there.”
“Uh huh, you are sleeping with me tonight.” Satoru couldn’t bring himself to leave Megumi alone in the dark with his thoughts again. And a part of Satoru can’t do that to himself either. With the lack of protest he faces, he knows Megumi would rather sleep in his room too.
He drops Megumi off on the bed only for him to climb out of it and head to the bathroom. Satoru takes this chance to bring him some water after hydrating himself and gobbling up a banana quickly. When he comes back to his room, Megumi is just leaving the bathroom.
“Did you wash your face?” Satoru asks.
“Don’t wanna.”
Which is fair, Satoru doesn’t want to have a shower either, instead, he would very much like to drop off in bed and be dead to the world.
“Just with water, at least?” Satoru bargains.
“Okay.” Groans Megumi but turns around to stand up on the tiny stool and wash his face. Satoru gets him a towel, keeps his water on the bedside table and takes a seat on the edge of his bed. When Megumi gets out of the bathroom, he beckons him closer and wipes his face with the towel himself. He is taking every chance he can to baby Megumi right now. Once his face is patted dry, he hands Megumi a glass of water. “Drink the whole glass,” he says. Megumi doesn’t even glare at him as he takes the glass and downs it.
“Did you brush?”
“Yeah, after dinner.”
“C’mon then, Gumi, time to sleep.” Satoru is too tired to even do his usual sing-song voice. He helps Megumi under the cover and sits by him. Megumi’s eyes are already half closed when he tells him that he’ll have a shower and come back. Satoru rushes through his shower, every muscle in his body is aching for sleep by the time he’s done with it.
When he returns, Megumi is awake through sheer stubbornness. Satoru gets under the cover and asks, “Why aren’t you asleep yet?”
Megumi doesn’t answer instead he scoots closer to Satoru, wiggling his way into his arms. He rests his head against Satoru’s chest and whispers, “Goodnight.” Satoru smiles, and presses a last kiss against his spiky hair, “Goodnight, Gumi.”
Nine years later when Megumi awakes from Sukuna’s clutches, he knows that Satoru fought to come back home even if he didn’t win.