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Shauna did not want to be there. That wasn’t news, of course, and it was obvious. Even if all the refusals and the mood and brooding on the days leading up to this hadn’t been enough to clue Jackie in on how much Shauna did not want to be there, then there certainly wouldn’t be any doubt now, as they sat on one side of the booth at the café and waited in tense silence. Or, well, Shauna was tense; Jackie was just giving her some time.
They had arrived some good minutes early, and Shauna had been since then distracting herself completely from her environment by fussing over Noah in the car seat that they’d set next to her on the bench. From over Shauna’s shoulder, Jackie could see that he was awake, his dark, inquisitive eyes following as his mom jiggled one of his favoured toys in front of him. He was a calm baby, more prone to whining and giggling than crying and laughing, but, even by his standards, he seemed to be unusually quiet even as he smiled a two-toothed smile and happily reached out for the toy. By now used to how freakishly in tune with Shauna’s moods he was, Jackie wondered if Noah could sense how tense his mom was.
She didn’t blame Shauna for her hesitance and discomfort. Jackie herself wasn’t exactly happy to be there, would much rather be doing basically anything else, and Shauna was right not to want to subject Noah to it. Really, Jackie hadn’t really found it in herself to refute any of the many arguments that Shauna had provided over the past week on why they shouldn’t be doing this, and she did feel bad for having essentially forced them into something so uncomfortable by relentlessly insisting on this meeting until Shauna couldn’t take it anymore. Jackie was in the wrong here, she really was, but she couldn’t help but feel that this was something that they had to do. For closure if not for anything else.
And, well, now that the bell had jingled and announced the arrival of the café’s newest customer, there was no backing out of it anymore, was there? Probably not.
Jackie watched as the man remained by the entrance and let his eyes wander over the café for several seconds before they eventually landed on their booth at the very end of the coffee shop. He very clearly hesitated then, and Jackie saw the way he straightened up and squared his shoulders when his eyes found the car seat and stayed. For some other countless seconds, he just stood there and stared, face drawn and unreadable, and it was only when he eventually decided to start walking towards their booth that Shauna stood up. Jackie followed her lead.
Truth was, Jackie didn’t really remember him enough to have a clear picture of what he had looked like 15 years before. Even before he’d left, he’d always been a bit of fleeting figure, there but not really, and he’d hurt Shauna so deeply that Jackie had made a conscious effort to reject any sort of memory of someone that had caused Shauna so much pain. He’d always been someone of whose existence she was aware but about which she didn’t care, and she would be happy to go back to tradition once they got this over with. It wasn’t a loss anyway; Shauna had always been Deb’s copy in every way, so Jackie wasn’t missing out on anything interesting by not really registering his generic dark eyes, greying hair, and medium stature and build. Once this was over, they would walk out of that coffee shop and Jackie would forget all about his face forever.
For the time being, though…
“Hello, Dad.”
The man in question dragged his eyes away from Noah to look at his daughter. “Hi, Shauna,” he answered stiffly, then, with some very clear effort, let his eyes wander to the right. “Jackie.”
“Sam,” she greeted with a forcibly polite nod and ignored it when the man twitched. “Please,” she gestured towards the bench across from theirs, tone filled with as much cordiality as she could manage as she took her own seat.
Father and daughter followed her lead, and Jackie waited as, after some seconds of tense silence, they exchanged a few quick words in Hebrew. It was a familiar moment. Standing to the side as Deb and Shauna talked between themselves in Hebrew had been something of a near daily occurrence for basically her entire life, even if she was sure that they held back when they were around her, and it was more than a little embarrassing that she’d never really picked up on anything. When she was younger, she’d convinced herself that she would learn it so Shauna and Deb wouldn’t have to hold back in their own home because of her, but she’d quickly learned that she kind of sucked at languages in general. She doubted it would be something that would work on her favour when Noah grew up and he and Shauna decided to conspire against her right in front of her.
“So,” Sam said eventually, and the switch back to English was the only clue Jackie got that she was invited back into the conversation. “You wanted to talk,” he prompted, voice still forcibly formal.
Out of the corner of her eye, Jackie saw Shauna’s hand twitch minutely under the table. That was one of the more difficult to translate of Shauna’s gestures, but the context helped: she was anxious; and Jackie could guess why. The Shipmans in general were not stiff people, and Jackie remembered that that included Shauna’s father. They walked around town in flannels, lounged at home in sweaters, and forewent shoes whenever possible; they had easy nicknames, generally agreeable personalities, and a blatant disregard for WASP-y social norms; they were a lawyer who represented unions, a nurse who volunteered to take care of HIV patients when everyone else was too scare to touch them, and a girl who got herself sent to the principal’s office at 12 years old due to an essay criticising the school system. Jackie could remember them driving her mother crazy long before she’d even grown to notice when Marylin was being especially mental.
So, yeah, the Shipmans were not stiff people. And Shauna had been birthed and raised by soft-spoken, genuinely kind Deborah Shipman – the Deborah Shipman who wrestled patients three times her size, who laughed aloud when her daughter teased her, who respected her daughter’s opinions and desires, who was kind of the terror of Marylin Taylor’s country club friends –, so she’d only ever known any other environment tangentially, had never really had to deal with any other style of parenting except for when Jackie couldn’t stop her own parents from inflicting themselves upon her. All in all, then, Jackie couldn’t really say she didn’t understand it when Shauna twitched anxiously at the sight of her father trying to sound like Richard Taylor.
“Yes,” Jackie took it upon herself to conduct the conversation, since it really was her fault that it was happening at all. And then, because why the hell not, she flashed him her best smile. “Long time no see.”
Sam did not seem to find it funny. “Shauna,” he said, voice little more than a sharp whisper. “What’s happening here?”
At that, Shauna tilted her head and studied her father for a long moment. “Sounds like you already know,” she answered in this contemplative, quiet voice – a tone that Jackie had always had a hard time interpreting. And, well, did it sound like Sam already know? Since when?
A muscled pulled at the corner of Sam’s mouth. “Humour me,” he asked quietly, and, honestly, what was it with this entire family and their hatred for speaking at a volume that other people could hear?
Shauna didn’t seem to have felt any relief at the shadow of a smile that had maybe appeared on Sam’s face – if anything, she seemed even more tense when she turned to pick Noah up. She rocked him easily, more out of habit than genuine necessity, then turned him in her arms just enough for him to face the table and reach for the toy that she’d placed in front of him. Jackie watched the familiar motion and kept half-an-eye on Sam watching it all as well. “This is Noah,” Shauna finally said, then her voice went even quieter. “As you know.”
Jackie let her gaze move back and forth between father and daughter. Sam had leaned on his forearms over the table and was watching Noah with interest, dark eyes following as Noah gnawed on his toy. He had relaxed significantly from his initial stiff pose, and Jackie wondered if that was a good sign. Shauna, on the other hand, was somehow even tenser than before, spine straight against the back of the bench and arms holding onto Noah like a lifeline.
There was a moment, just a long moment, in which Jackie wondered if Shauna was maybe too tense, maybe too ready to expect the worst from people, maybe too distrusting of her dad. And then, Sam opened his mouth and announced, “Well, I’d like to meet his father as well.”
Ah. So there it was.
“Mom has already talked to you,” Shauna said. “You know there’s no father, Dad.”
Sam twitched, then smiled this weirdly loose smile. “Of course there is,” he chuckled. His hand moved in a vague gesture towards Jackie. “I don’t care about this, you can do whatever you want with your life, but it wasn’t her who got you pregnant.” Jackie felt her eyes widening and looked at Shauna to see her closing her eyes. “The boy needs his father.”
Well, at least Jackie didn’t need to hold back anymore.
“He doesn’t have one,” Shauna whispered, and Jackie noticed the forced calmness in her tone as she leaned her lips against the crown of Noah’s head.
Sam chuckled again. “I’m not saying you should marry him, Shauna,” he said. “We both know how I feel about marriage, so do as you please. But don’t punish the boy for your poor choices.”
Jackie could feel something loosening inside her, like a thread unwinding its tight grip on everything that she’d been keeping inside for the past 15 years. For now, though, she kept silent.
“His name is Noah,” Shauna said, voice still quiet and even. Her left hand moved up from where it’d been holding Noah up to brush a lock of hair from over his eyes and the ring on her fourth finger glinted under the sunlight. Jackie felt herself preening and puffing her chest a little, because that was her ring that she had bought with her own money from her own hard work, it was her ring glinting on Shauna’s finger and making Sam twitch like he’d been electrocuted. Jackie held back a grin; so much for not caring.
“Great,” Sam answered, his loose tone now clearly forced. “And Noah needs his father.”
Jackie saw Shauna’s jaw clenching. “Don’t push this, Dad,” she whispered. It really was impressive how much Shauna was clinging to civility; Jackie herself was over that.
“I’m just saying,” Sam said with a smile. “I shouldn’t have let your mother keep you when she asked for sole custody.”
“Don’t talk about Mom.”
“I do regret how we went about things, Shauna. It clearly did you no good not having a constant male presence in your life, and now you wanna do the same to your son.”
“Please, shut up, Dad.”
“You have no respect for father figures, you won’t even address me the way I taught you.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that, Sam,” Jackie cut in, smiling widely. “Your daughter calls me daddy now.”
Shauna choked on her breath and turned to cough against Jackie’s shoulder, and Jackie felt her smile widening at the way Sam’s face reddened. She hadn’t exactly measured her volume because, honestly, enough with the whispers and mumbles, and some of the people around them had definitely heard what she’d said. And, oh, this was so exciting.
“No, I don’t. That is not true,” Shauna blurted out in between heaved breaths.
Jackie ignored her and leaned forward to get as close to Sam’s face as possible and grin. “And your grandchildren will do the same. Everyone in our house will call me daddy all day.”
“Jackie, shut up.”
Unphased, Jackie ignored the words and the tugging on the back of her shirt. “Is that enough of a father figure for you, Sam?”
Shauna’s fingers let go of their hold on Jackie’s shirt. “What the- I can’t… be here right now. I’m gonna- Come on, baby, let’s go… somewhere else.” And then, without another word to Jackie or Sam, she stood up with Noah in her arms and left.
Jackie watched her march out of the coffee shop, then looked back at Sam’s red face. He looked angry now rather than startled, and Jackie grinned brilliantly at having pulled him out of his annoying forced calmness. She’d waited a long time to give this man a piece of her mind, and, now that he had placed the opportunity right at her feet, she was going to enjoy it.
“Listen, Sam-”
“Mr. Shipman,” he interrupted sharply, and now he truly did sound like Richard Taylor. Shame he’d decided to use it against the world’s foremost expert in dealing with Richard Taylors.
She snickered. “Samuel,” she amended, now unable to hold back her excitement at his twitching. “I love your daughter; I always have and I always will. I may not always have loved her right, but I’ve always loved her more than anyone else could ever dream of loving her. And I’ve certainly always loved her better than you ever did. We’re not here to ask for your blessing, believe me. I don’t give a shit about you and what you think about anything, really, and Shauna didn’t even wanna come in the first place. But I wanted to inform you of what’s going on, so listen very carefully, because one day you’ll die and want I’m gonna tell you is the mark you’ve left in the world.
“I asked your daughter to marry me and she said yes, this is a fact. We will get married whether you like it or not, also a fact. The only blessing we’ve ever wanted or needed is Deb’s and we’ve had it for years, fact. Noah is my son and the three of us are a better family than you could ever dream of having, that’s a fact as well. And I promise you, Samuel, with all the hatred that I’ve had for you since the first time I held Shauna as she cried because of you, that I’ll be a better husband and father than you ever were.
“I’ll give them everything they could ever want or need, I’ll never leave them, I’ll do anything for them. That is the promise I’ll make on the day of our wedding, and that will be the life Shauna and Noah will have in spite of you. They and any other children we have will live on as Deb’s legacy and my responsibility, and you will be forgotten, you will live the rest of your life and die as nothing more than the unpleasant memory of a worthless sperm donor.” And then, with a final grin, she said, “Kinda like Noah’s useless biological father.”
Now that got a reaction out of Sam. “Do not make it about me if Shauna didn’t choose right before she open-”
Jackie grabbed the collar of Sam’s flannel and pulled him over the table, standing up to hover over him. “Don’t test me, Samuel,” she warned, allowing the steel she felt in heart to seep into her voice. “You think Shauna is difficult? See what happens if you open your mouth to talk about my wife and son. Go ahead, try me. Make my day.”
He wasn’t scared of her, that much was clear. Jackie these days was more or less pure muscle because Shauna liked it, but he was still a full-grown man and taller than her, so she could tell that he wasn’t scared. But he was surprised enough to have been stunned into silence, and Jackie relished it. This was fun. Parents didn’t make her nervous anymore, not since she’d broken down in Deb’s living room, knelt at her feet and apologised for loving her daughter, so this was actually entertaining. She distantly wondered how much she would be able to mess him up before someone managed to pull her off of him.
And then, after some long seconds of staring in silence, Jackie grinned again and said, “Good choice.” Straightening up, she let go of his collar and pushed him away, then shuffled out of the booth. Out of the corner of her eye, she registered that some of the patrons were staring. “Great catching up, Sam,” she said, shouldering Noah’s diaper bag and picking up the car seat. “I don’t think we’ll invite you to the wedding, but maybe you’ll get a card when we have another baby. I promise I’ll try very hard to be the one to get her pregnant next time.” She walked away before he could get over the shock plainly written all over his face.
Shauna was waiting for her when she stepped out onto the sidewalk, standing in the shadow of the awning and talking to Noah quietly as he blinked up at her with his big eyes. He was sleepy, Jackie realised as she approached them, and his droopy eyes didn’t even move from Shauna’s face when she came to a stop next to them. Shauna didn’t react to her presence much either, just leaned her shoulder against Jackie’s and kept whispering in Hebrew. Jackie knew her part in this and stood by them in silence for the few minutes it took for Noah to fall asleep, and, once he had, she handed Shauna a baby blanket from the bag and watched as she used it to cover Noah where he slept against her shoulder to protect him from the sun.
“So,” Jackie began conversationally, “I may have threatened your dad.”
Shauna cast her a glance as they started making their way down the sidewalk towards their car. “Daddy?” she asked. “Really?” Okay, so apparently Shauna didn’t care much about Jackie threatening her dad; she’d expected that.
“Oh, come on,” Jackie whined. “It was right there. And it shut him up, didn’t it?”
“It shut everyone up, Jackie,” Shauna answered when they came to a stop by their car. In response, Jackie grinned at her, opened the backseat door, and threw the diaper bag onto the seat before starting the process of buckling the car seat in. She was a bit of an expert by now. “People were looking when I left.”
Jackie was not above admitting that she preened at that, but was glad that Shauna couldn’t see her probably shamelessly proud face. “Don’t be embarrassed, Shipman, I like it when you call me daddy.”
Immediately, she heard snickering behind her. “Stop saying that,” Shauna pleaded between chuckles.
Done with the car seat, Jackie straightened up and turned to meet Shauna’s eyes with a proud smile. “I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be opposed-“
“Okay, please stop,” Shauna said, reaching up to push at Jackie’s shoulder. Grinning widely, Jackie grabbed her wrist and used the momentum to pull her closer and wrap her arms around Shauna’s waist. For a moment, she watched as Shauna tried and failed to hold back her smile, then, cognizant of the sleeping baby, she moved closer to place a light kiss on the back of Noah’s head and another on Shauna’s lips. When she leaned back, Shauna was looking at her with a quirked eyebrow. “I’m not calling you daddy,” she said.
Jackie chuckled and shrugged. “Pity, but that’s okay,” she answered, then brought a hand up to cup the back of Noah’s head. “He and his siblings will. Or maybe dada if daddy is too kinky now. Or papa. Just dad will be fine when they’re older, though.”
Shauna was giggling now. “I’m begging you, please stop.”
Jackie gaped at her theatrically. “You would deprive our children of their father, Shipman?”
Shauna seemingly couldn’t hold back her smile anymore. “Noah is not calling you daddy, Jackie,” she said. “And we have one child. Just the one.”
“For now.”
“You don’t even like children,” Shauna pointed out.
Unphased, Jackie shrugged. “I like our children.”
“Child,” Shauna corrected.
“For now.” Jackie grinned at the way Shauna’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Don’t bet against me when I have an agenda, Shipman. When we were five, I devised a 20-year plan to get you to marry me and look at this,” she grabbed Shauna’s left wrist and lifted her hand to hover between their faces. “I’m two years ahead of schedule.”
Shauna quirked an eyebrow. “That was a very convoluted plan,” she commented.
Jackie shrugged. “I had to improvise when you started going off script.”
Shauna’s deadpan stare was funnier than she probably intended. “Right,” she said, then placed a quick peck on Jackie’s lips before detaching herself from the hold around her waist and moving to lean into the car to buckle Noah into his seat.
“I’m serious,” Jackie insisted with a grin. “You snuck off to Brown all by yourself, that had nothing to do with my plans. And do you think I would ever have you sleep with anyone but me? A man, no less? Absolutely not.” She blinked as something much more interesting caught her attention. “Your ass looks great in those jeans, by the way.”
“Stop looking at my ass.”
“Can’t. It’s either ass or boobs at all times, you know this.”
Shauna paused on her ever-present fussing over Noah and looked over her shoulder to fix Jackie with a look and ask, “Why are you so chirpy?”
“I’m always chirpy, Shipman. I have a cute son and a hot wife who will be calling me daddy by the end of the week.”
Shauna snorted and kicked blindly behind herself. Jackie sidestepped it easily. “Stop saying that,” she laughed, then rearranged her position to settled on the backseat next to Noah. She looked up at Jackie still standing on the sidewalk next to the car. “Seriously, what’s up with you?”
In response, Jackie shrugged again. “Nothing,” she answered. Moving closer, she leaned down into the car to place her hand on Shauna’s headrest and hover over her. “I’m just happy. I’ve been crazy about you my whole life and now you’re mine, I’ve wanted to have a family with you since I can remember and now we have one. Why wouldn’t I be happy?” She saw Shauna softening as a small smile appeared on her lips and a faint blush coloured her cheeks. “And I’ve wanted to tell your dad to go fuck himself since we were 8 and now I might have given him an aneurysm. Not too bad as far as life goals go, right?”
There was a moment, and Jackie took the chance to study Shauna’s face carefully, devotedly, as she’d been doing since the first time she ever laid eyes on her. Then, Shauna reached up and pulled her down into a deep kiss, and Jackie preened once again because, well, she’d gotten the girl, hadn’t she? Two years ahead of schedule. She should give a course.
When they eventually pulled away, Shauna was breathless and blushing, and Jackie couldn’t help the grin the split her face, especially once Shauna answered her with a simple: “Right.”