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It hadn’t been long since your merry band had arrived outside Baldur’s Gate. Your journey had been arduous, painful at times, and you knew it would be drawing to a close soon enough. Yet there was still so much left to do. Confronting Cazador for the sake of your beloved vampire being your top priority.
Of course, you’d have to actually get into the city for that. A task you had not quite managed due to the absurd restrictions on travel and refuges, courtesy of Gortash. Another priority you would soon take care of.
Halsin was among the latest editions to your camp, so it had caught you completely by surprise when he propositioned you not even tenday after leaving the Shadowlands. Sure he was nice enough, pleasant to look at too, even if he wasn’t quite your type. And of course your first thought was to immediately run and tell Astarion all that had transpired. Who else could possibly appreciate how incredibly awkward that exchange must have been for you?
“Hello my dear,” he said, greeting you as usual.
“So. You would NOT believe what Halsin just said to me…” you said stepping closer to Astarion, your voice a low whisper as you regaled him with all the sordid details.
He laughed, a deep, full body laugh. The kind of laugh that you rarely heard from him. He had been expecting this, he told you. He could see how Halsin had been eyeing you since the Grove. THE GROVE. You were shocked at how unsurprised by all this he was, and utterly embarrassed by how oblivious you had been.
“I’m happy for you to have as much Halsin as you wish.”
“Wha…?!” you gasped, choking on your own spit in surprise as you tried to find your words.
“But I do have one question. This isn’t because we haven’t…you know…in awhile?”
“WHAT?! Why would…?! How could…?! GAH! COME HERE!” you half shrieked as you grabbed Astarion by the hand and dragged him off to the nearby barn where your bedroll was located. You started pacing as he took a seat atop your hay bale, your thoughts racing. You were sure you had to be the color of a tomato by now, never in your life had you been so embarrassed. Surely this was all some sort of joke right? A prank gone too far? Because there was no possible way Astarion, after all you had been through together, could possibly be asking if you wanted to hook up with an elf Druid you barely knew.
But as soon as you stopped to face Astarion you understood exactly how wrong you were.
In the moment it took for him to realize that you had stopped and were now staring at him, you were able to catch a glimpse of the pain he was fighting to hold back before his familiar mask slipped into place. The jealousy. The insecurity. The fear. Your heart broke at the sight of it all.
This wasn’t a man playing a trick on you. No, this was a man who was so desperate not to lose you, that he was scared to admit that he wanted you all to himself.
You took a deep breath, calming yourself, before approaching him.
“Astarion…” you said, now standing before him, holding his face gently in your hands, “I turned Halsin down. I’m not interested in what he has to offer.”
“Oh,” the mask slipped again, his voice betraying him.
“Why did you think I was?” you asked, smiling softly at him.
“Oh, well, you know. We haven’t. And I’m not an idiot. People have needs,” he laughed, breaking eye contact and attempting and failing to bring some levity to the situation. You however weren’t amused. And he didn’t know what to make of that, though his instincts told him you were upset with him for some reason. He was trying not to be selfish. Shouldn’t you be proud of him for that? Happy that he understood your desires and still respected them? He was trying to be ‘the better person’. Wasn’t that exactly what you had been nagging him about since the day he met you?
“I don’t need that.”
Astarion looked at you again, studying your face. You couldn’t possibly mean that. You were seriously standing here and telling him that you didn’t need sex? And he was just expected to believe you?
“Darling, look, I know we have an…understanding…but that’s no reason to go without. I’m fine with it, truly,” he laughed again, a hollow laugh that only served to make your heart ache more.
“I’m not interested. And you’re a dirty, filthy liar,” you replied, kissing the top of his head. You held him there for a moment, breathing in his scent and trying to formulate the best way to convey your feelings to him. Your memories were still horrendously spotty, and there were many things about your past life you weren’t sure of, but there was definitely one thing that you understood with perfect clarity - sex was not a priority for you.
“The only person - and I mean this quite literally - the only person I’m interested in ever having sex with again is you,” you explained, pulling back just enough that you could gently guide Astarion’s face towards you, ensuring he couldn’t look away and could feel the full weight of your words, “And I meant it when I said that we could take as long as you need. Even if that means forever.”
You stood there, holding his gaze, giving him a chance to process what you just said.
“Is that truly what you want? To wait for me? Forever?” he finally asked, reaching up to hold your hands to his face.
“Yes,” you replied, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“Forever is a long time, you know.”
“I am aware,” you said, letting out a little laugh.
The way you looked at him…with such devotion, such honesty…it was painful for him to take in. His face burned. His skin itched. And despite the fact that every cell in his body was compelling him to look away, to run, he couldn’t bring himself to so much as blink. He soaked it all up. He committed every detail of your expression, from the sparkle in your eyes to the laugh lines around your smile, to memory.
He never wanted to forget this moment.
The moment where you saw straight through his facade.
The moment where you took what little remained of his broken, tattered soul, and pieced it together with more care than he had ever known.
The beautiful, precious moment where he realized he was hopelessly in love with you.