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It started on Myaxillo, or, as Lance and soon the others called it, the zombie planet.
Although that wasn't exactly how it had happened, not when it'd actually started long before they'd ever even heard of the planet. No, whatever was going on had started when he'd died and been replaced by a clone. It'd ended too, all the things that were wrong, once he'd been resurrected properly and was really himself thanks to Allura and Black.
The damage that'd been done was incalculable though, quite literally seeing as he couldn't fucking remember it all, and maybe he didn't want to. He remembered most of the stuff from the beginning, back when even clone him had thought he was the real Shiro. At some point though, there'd been a shift in the clone, not exactly a realization of what it was, more like a subtle shift of its purpose. Then his memories became fewer and further between, fragmented and fuzzy at times even. He remembered enough to know what his clone had wanted by the end, to split apart the team, to stop team Voltron by tearing them apart from the inside as it's leader.
Clone Shiro had done things that real Shiro was very much ashamed of. He'd let Allura and Lotor's relationship develop too far even after the clone had figured out what was really going on with Lotor, which had been long before the rest of the team had. That one was probably the most obvious way his clone had been acting like, well, not actually him. The other most obvious way was everything that'd happened at the end, including trying to kill Keith, his own brother.
He remembered enough to know that the ways he'd sabotaged the team when it came to the other three paladins had been far more subtle. Small things that affected their performances and created the perfect breeding ground for doubt within the team. He'd watched as Pidge got no sleep, working all through the night every night, and where normal Shiro would've stepped in and made her eat and rest, clone Shiro hadn't. He'd let her work herself to the point of exhaustion and keep working and then push her even harder in training and missions hoping for her to mess up. She'd gotten moodier because of the sleep deprivation, snapping at the others when they tried to do anything to help her.
Hunk had been a similar case of letting his natural weaknesses carry him away. All the clone had had to do was just not step in when Hunk let his anxieties and fears get the better of him. He would let Hunk work himself up too much and then tell him to stop instead of reassuring him. Treating him more like an adult having a temper tantrum than the kid with a genuine anxiety disorder and a shit ton of trauma that he was. Hunk had spoken up less after a while of that, his anxiety still there but he stopped verbalizing it, stopped letting anyone else help and let it eat him instead.
Lance was a bit different, not because he didn't have his own self destructive tendencies, he did, but because Lance had at some point between Shiro dying and his clone returning settled into himself. Lance had always been too self conscious, he would eat away at himself if left alone long enough and he relied on others to remind him that he was worth something. At some point that neither version of Shiro had been present for though, Lance had settled into himself and his abilities, he'd become the right hand of Voltron and he was far better at it than Shiro would've hoped.
When Shiro had said he wanted Keith to pilot Black in his absence, he'd imagined Allura taking over Red. She was still impulsive enough for the role but she would've also been a great help to Keith in helping him lead Voltron. He hadn't expected Lance to pilot Red, but that'd been what'd happened, and when clone Shiro returned, things were going better than he'd expected they would've so early on. Keith and Lance had both been different too, it was like they'd grown together into both better people and people who could get along well.
Lance being a good right hand had transferred over to clone Shiro almost effortlessly once he'd started piloting Black again. The clone could tell even from the start that he and Lance didn't click quite as seamlessly as Keith and Lance had managed to, but they clicked well enough that it wasn't a problem. Lance had also been more sure of himself, the clone could feel the difference in the bonds held strong by Voltron. He was still battling insecurity, but it was like he had the high ground now, he had it under control.
The clone had needed Lance to start losing that battle again, to stop being what held the bonds between the team together so strongly. He needed Lance to be a bit weaker. So the clone had snapped at him a couple times, careful to make sure it was always during a group argument or in the heat of something. Careful to, when apologizing afterwards, always look at the others and never at Lance, a subtle way to tell the boy that he wasn't sorry about what he'd said to him. A subtle way to tell Lance that he had deserved it.
It was fucked up, it was all fucked up, everything the clone had done using his memories, his body, his voice, to hurt the people he cared about. It wasn't his fault, he knew that in a very logical way, but he also didn't know how to stop feeling ashamed anyways.
His memory, after the clone had started messing with the team was all sorts of messed up, but he remembered enough to know that he'd done all of those things with the intentions of harming his teammates. He remembered the fragments of memories that showed the results of the clone's actions.
A burn on Pidge's hand and the smell of burnt flesh after she'd overloaded her computer so much it heated up to the point of burning her.
The smell of something burning in the oven and the sound of someone hyperventilating.
A quiet heartbroken voice, sighing and saying, "God I miss Keith and his dumb mullet." And the quiet chirping of the mice.
He couldn't remember the context or the rest of the memories, but he remembered enough to know that what the clone had done had been working.
That being said, it was both a surprise and a relief that things were actually going ok now that the real him was back. The clone apparently hadn't done enough damage to permanently harm them and their relationships like he'd thought.
He'd sat them all down together after he'd woken up from his coma and told them all what the clone had been doing. Told Hunk that he'd tried to make his anxiety worse, told Pidge that he'd let her work herself to the breaking point, told Allura he hadn't stepped in when it came to Lotor so she'd get her heart broken, told Lance he'd snapped at him to make him doubt himself when he shouldn't have, and told Keith that everything he'd said and done had been lies to hurt him. He'd apologized too, promised that the real him would never do those things.
They'd told him it wasn't his fault, that they didn't blame him for even a second. That he had nothing to apologize for.
Things got better after that too, Shiro made sure they did. He'd made Pidge actually get a couple good nights of sleep, after which she'd come forward with her own apologies about how much she'd snapped at the others and they'd forgiven her. When Hunk seemed anxious, Shiro made sure to talk to him, get him to tell him what he was anxious about and then actually reassure him, and it was obvious how much the boy's anxiety levels had gone down. He took the time to comfort Allura over the betrayal of Lotor, and he took the time to spend more time with Keith and to get to know this new version of him. He made sure that when he disagreed with Lance that he didn't snap at him and started his points with phrases like 'that's a good idea, but' or 'that's great, let's build on that' and generally tried to be as subtly and outwardly encouraging as possible, and Lance had seemed to regain some of his old swagger after a while.
Things were good, or they were getting better at least. They were on the castle, slowly making their way back to earth since the teleduv had been destroyed even after they managed to save the castle. The specs to build a new one, unfortunately, were with Sam Holt on earth since they'd given them to him to see if he could find a way to build a teleduv that didn't rely on Altean energy to power it.
It was truly ironic that the absence of the thing they needed to build was what was making it take so long to get the plans to build it. They were making their way slowly though, occasionally making pit stops for missions both action packed and diplomatic.
There was one planet that they were stopping at today that everyone was both nervous and excited to visit. Myaxillo. It was a planet that the castle didn't have any information on, but that had somehow managed to single-handedly overthrow the Galra that'd conquered it. No one seemed to know how though, and they hadn't managed to establish communication with it yet.
They were planning for a diplomatic mission, Coran and Keith plus the five current paladins going planet-side to talk with their leaders. They had two goals, find out how they'd overthrown the Galra and get Myaxillo to join the alliance.
................................................
"I'm betting it's super tech!" Pidge suggested excitedly. "Like the Olkari."
"Maybe," Hunk hummed, considering the green paladin's proposal, "What if it was the planet itself though, what if it's alive and fought back. Like the Balmera!"
"But we already know it isn't a Balmera." Keith pointed out, despite the time apart he was just as matter of fact as Lance remembered.
"Yeah, I know, it was just an example, I mean... there's gotta be other examples of living planets, right?" Hunk replied, glancing around at all of them nervously for support on his hypothesis.
"Yeah, of course there are, buddy." Lance clapped him on the shoulder for support then held onto it as Pidge made a sharp turn in her lion which the four of them were riding down to the surface of Myaxillo, "Still though, I'm hoping it's an underwater planet again, and there are, like, mermaid sirens that lured all the Galra to their doom!"
Pidge scoffed, "You're just saying that cause you want to go swimming and flirt with mermaids."
"Obviously." He shrugged unashamedly.
"You do realize that in that scenario you would also be lured to your doom, right?" Hunk pointed out, looking amused and slightly concerned.
"A great way to die." Lance agreed, turning to Keith who'd been pretty quiet during the whole conversation, "What do you think?"
Keith looked to him, meeting his eyes evenly and replied, "I think you're an idiot." There was an amusement in the corner of his mouth though, one that told Lance the other boy was holding back a smile, so he didn't take it to heart.
Instead he flailed dramatically, grasping at his heart while Pidge and Hunk laughed, "First of all, ouch! Second of all, I meant how do you think they got rid of the Galra?"
Keith seemed to consider this for a minute before replying, "I dunno, maybe they're all telepathic or something."
Lance grinned, it was always more fun when Keith was in the right mood to contribute to their fun conversations, "How would that have done it?"
Keith shot him a look like this should be obvious, and in fairness Lance was pretty sure he already knew where this was going, but he liked getting Keith to talk, no matter what it was he said.
"If they were telepathic they could organize a resistance without the Galra knowing. They could communicate seamlessly during a battle too." Keith shrugged, once he was done explaining.
Lance was just about to reply when the screen lit up and showed Shiro, Coran, and Allura who were riding Blue down to the surface.
"We're almost there, is everyone ready?" Shiro asked as they all straightened up.
"Yeah, we're good to go." Lance replied, keeping his tone even and professional, "Did you manage to get in contact with anyone on the planet?"
"Yes, we connected briefly and spoke to their leader, her name is Mashwe and she will be meeting us when we land." Allura answered, "Still don't know anything else though, so be prepared for anything. Don't disembark with your weapons out though, remember this is meant to be a diplomatic mission."
"Got it." Lance gave a sharp nod, "We'll see you down there."
The communication ended, and he saw Keith give him a cursory look. Lance shot him a curious look back, arching an eyebrow as if to say 'what?'.
"That was more professional than you used to be." Keith murmured to him, Pidge and Hunk having gone back to discussing their theories.
Lance just shrugged, trying not to think about it too much, "Yeah, well, you're taller than you used to be." He jabbed a playful elbow into Keith's side.
"And there's the Lance I know." Keith rolled his eyes, sticking a finger in his ear and making him yelp in surprise.
"Did you really just do that?!" Lance cupped a hand up to protect his ear, a betrayed look on his face.
Keith just laughed, loud and bright in a way that he rarely was and Lance felt something in his chest loosen at the sound of it. He felt a grin overtaking his face without his permission until Pidge grabbed both their attention.
They could see the planet's surface now, having made it through the atmosphere.
"It looks sort of like a forest mixed with a desert." Hunk mused, all of them taking in the ley of the land as best they could.
"Yeah, it's kinda weird." Lance agreed, "I don't see any water either." He added with a pout.
"Tough luck, buddy." Hunk clapped him on the shoulder.
"Brace for landing." Pidge instructed, and the three of them immediately grabbed hold of the back of her chair.
They'd all gotten very good at landings during their time in space, good enough that they usually didn't need to secure themselves at all. Pidge liked to make her landings a bit rougher every once in a while when the other paladins were riding with her. 'Just to keep you on your toes' she'd grinned evilly when asked for an explanation.
They didn't waste any time disembarking, walking over to meet the others as they disembarked from blue. They all looked around at their surroundings, to the Lions' backs was the desert/woods landscape and right in front of them was a wall big enough to rival the Great Wall of China. It stretched around further than what Lance could see from where he was standing. There were watch towers set into the wall as well, and surrounding it was a debris field that they'd landed in.
It looked almost... post apocalyptic, if Lance had to put a word to it. His skin started to crawl a bit, even though the rational part of his mind pointed out that they'd recently staged a rebellion and that that was likely the cause of the damage.
"Look alive." Keith said, giving a sharp nod towards where a part of the wall had opened, like a garage door but much fancier.
Out walked a group of ten, nine of them armed to the teeth and pointing their weapons at their surroundings as they made their way through the debris field towards them. The tenth was armed, but not as heavily, and had her eyes set on them.
"Greetings, I am Mashwe, you are the paladins, correct?" The apparent leader of the squadron called as she approached them.
"Yes, we are the paladins." Allura stepped forward, "Is there some danger we should be aware of?"
"Yes, come inside the wall where we will be safe. Then we will explain all." Mashwe, waved them forwards, and at their hesitance added, "I promise we mean you no harm, it simply is not safe outside the wall."
They all looked at each other before Shiro looked to him and Keith, seeming to be asking if they had an objection. It was odd, the clone hadn't much cared for any of Lance's input, but Shiro wasn't the clone, he reminded himself. He nodded his approval at the same time Keith did, they were here for answers after all.
Allura led the way, having watched their interaction, Coran right by her side, eyeing the landscape warily with a hand on his pistol. Lance looked to Keith, nodding before they took the rear of the group, Lance with his bayard in gun mode and Keith with his knife in sword mode. They weren't sure what exactly the danger here was, but they sure as hell weren't going to be caught by surprise if it presented itself.
They all made it to the wall without issue thankfully, Mashwe knocking on it in a quick pattern that he didn't have time to decipher. Then the door was rolling up and they followed the Myaxillions inside. The door rolled closed quickly behind them, plunging them all into darkness for a second before lights flicked on.
Mashwe smiled at them all, "I apologize for the precautions we must take, but welcome to Myaxillo, any enemy of the Galra is our friend here."
"That is good to hear." Allura stepped to the front of their group as 7 out of the 9 guards dispersed, the two who stayed putting their weapons away, "We feel the same."
"That is good." Mashwe smiled warmly at them, "Come with me."
They followed Mashwe and her two gaurds out of the room and into a hallway, then down to another room that was much bigger and seemed to be some sort of intake center. There was an area with a machine that reminded him a bit of an airport security scanner.
"Might I ask what exactly is going on here?" Allura asked, "Why the need for such an extensive guard to come retrieve us? Are there still Galra here?"
"No, none that are alive, at least." Mashwe answered, which was definitely an interesting way to word it, but most aliens had different language patterns and phrases than he was used to, so he let it go. "Forgive me, but before you can be permitted to enter the city we must ask that you allow us to scan you."
She gestured towards the airport security scanner machine, "What are you scanning for? You already know we have weapons on us." He asked.
"We do not scan for weapons, though we do ask that you not discharge them in the city." Mashwe replied, "There is a terrible disease on this planet, it is why the Galra fled this place. We are scanning to see if any of you are predisposed to falling ill from it. We do it for our city's safety as well as for your own."
That seemed fair enough to Lance, he had no interest in himself or his teammates getting sick. Pidge stepped forward to get scanned first, clearly analyzing the piece of technology as she did so. One of the guards waved for her to walk through the scanner, looking down at a screen in her hands and motioning for Pidge to stand to one side once she'd walked through.
Keith went next, the guard motioning for him to stand to the side next to Pidge. Lance went next, walking through the scanner felt a bit odd, like his heart skipped a beat as he passed through the archway. Once he'd reached the other side the guard motioned for him to stand on the opposite side as Pidge and Keith. The three of them exchanging confused looks, especially when the guard didn't say anything instead just motioning Coran forward.
By the time they'd all walked through the scanner it was just him and Shiro standing opposite the rest of their team. Mashwe walked through behind them all and Lance caught the screen the guard was holding flash blue where it was resting at her side.
"I apologize greatly, but our scans indicate it would not be safe for you two to enter the city." She told him and Shiro.
Lance felt his stomach drop, "Are you saying we're sick?" He asked, trying not to let any fear enter his voice.
"No, you are not sick, but you both are likely to fall ill if you stay here. It is for the safety of our people that I must ask you not to enter the city, and it is for your own safety that I highly recommend you leave this planet." Lance wasn't entirely sure what to make of that response.
He shot a glance at Shiro, who was moving to stand by Allura and Coran as they tried to negotiate with Mashwe. Keith, Hunk, and Pidge had moved to stand by him, all of them looking wary.
"You feel alright buddy?" Hunk asked, shooting him a nervous look.
He considered it, thinking about what kind of not ok he'd be feeling if he was sick. It was hard to know though since he didn't know what this 'disease' was. What kind of disease would cause the Galra to flee this place and cause the people to lock themselves behind a wall?
What did Shiro and he even have in common that the others didn't? What would make them predisposed and not the others?
"Yeah, I feel-" he started to reassure the others before he cut himself off, realization dawning across his face.
The only thing he could think of that he and Shiro had in common was that they'd both died and come back to life.
"What is it?!" Keith demanded, eyes searching his face.
He knew what the 'disease' was, and fuck no. There was no way in hell he was staying here, especially if he was 'predisposed' to 'falling ill'.
"You're right, Mashwe." Lance cut in, Shiro and Allura both looking at him in shock at his sudden interruption. "It is not safe for anyone if Shiro and I remain here. We will take our leave of this planet, thank you for your hospitality and your warning."
"Lance." Shiro hissed at him, looking both confused and frustrated.
It was close enough to anger to have his stomach clenching in fear. This wasn't the clone though, this was the real Shiro, he reminded himself.
"Trust me." He told Shiro, trying to convey as much determination in his voice as he could manage.
"How will you even get back to the castle, neither of you flew here?" Allura asked, looking frustrated at them all being split up.
"Blue will let me fly her." Lance replied, feeling the still there connection in the back of his mind let out a pleased hum at the suggestion.
"Lance, are you sure about this?" Keith asked, eyes meeting his evenly.
There was confusion there, but also trust. It was nice to know that even with all the time spent apart that he and Keith could still make a good team.
"Yeah man, trust me it's for the best." He replied, shooting them all a grin as he started walking back towards the hallway, tossing over his shoulder a cocky "Have fun on zombie planet!"
"Zombie planet?" Shiro asked, as they were both escorted towards the entrance they'd come from, "What does that mean?"
"That's what the disease is." Lance answered, "That's why the Galra ran, and they have the wall, there's a zombie problem here."
He heard a soft, 'what the fuck' from Shiro and was about to say something about the language before the guards escorting them finally spoke.
"Would you like us to escort you back to your lions?" One of them asked.
Lance considered the offer, but he didn't want them to put themselves in any more danger than they needed to.
Shiro seemed to have come to the same conclusion because he responded with a polite, "No thank you, you've already risked yourselves enough."
One of the guard nodded, "You should be ok, they don't usually come out for another varga. The door will open in ten ticks, then you're on your own."
Lance and Shiro watched as the guards filed out of the room and shut the door behind them. "Jet pack to the lions?" Lance suggested, wanting to be on the ground here as little as possible.
"Sounds like a plan." Shiro nodded, activating his bayard.
Lance activated his bayard as well, choosing its sword form for now since for all he knew there were zombies right outside the door and he'd need to be ready for close combat. When the door opened though, there weren't any zombies waiting outside. He and Shiro wasted no time in activating their jet packs and rising above the debris field. Lance quickly changed his bayard to its gun form so he'd be ready for long range fighting if need be.
They made it back to the blue lion without incident though, and she opened her maw to let them fly right in. A satisfied purr echoed in the back of his mind once his feet touched down.
He chuckled, running a hand along the wall, "Yeah, I missed you too girl." He murmured, ducking his head to hide his no doubt goofy grin.
He couldn't put words to the elation he felt, like coming home, when he sat in the pilot's chair. He loved Red and all, but he'd definitely missed Blue.
"Alright, let's get the fuck off zombie planet." He announced, Blue powering up and allowing him to take her controls.
"How sure are you about this zombie thing?" Shiro asked, grabbing onto the back of Lance's seat as they took off.
"I mean, not 100%, but you've gotta admit it makes sense." Lance shrugged.
"Maybe," Shiro allowed, and Lance still had to shake off the feeling of weirdness at Shiro actually taking him seriously, "What made them think either of us was predisposed though?"
Lance turned to give him a quizzical look as he landed Blue in her hangar back on the castle, "I mean, you did literally come back from the dead." He pointed out.
Shiro's brows furrowed in confusion at that, "But what about-"
Thump.
They both turned to look out the window to see that Krolia was crouched on the Blue lion's snout, peering in one of the eye holes to try and see them.
Lance snickered at the fact that he could basically see up her nose at this angle.
"Keith? Are you in there?" She demanded, "Why are you back so soon?"
Suddenly Cosmo popped into existence next to her.
"Ok this is getting ridiculous." Lance continued to snicker, Shiro sending him a look that clearly said 'pipe down' that had the laughter dying in his throat.
Shiro looked confused at his sudden seriousness, mouth opening to say something that Lance wasn't sure he'd want to hear. "C'mon let's go talk to them before she tries to fight her way in here."
Lance was out of the cockpit before Shiro even had a chance to respond, walking down the catwalk at a brisk pace.
"Keith isn't-" he called up to Krolia before she and Cosmo suddenly popped into existence right next to him making him jump a foot in the air.
"It's just the two of us." Shiro said, walking down the catwalk at a much more sedate pace, "The two of us were not allowed to enter the city like the rest of them so we came back here. That's all."
"Why not?" She demanded, in that way that all of her questions always sounded like demands for answers.
"They were worried we might become zombies." Lance shrugged, "And we had no interest in becoming zombies either so we left."
"What are zombies?"
"They're people that come back from the dead." Lance started to explain before Krolia immediately turned to Shiro.
"So you are a zombie?" She asked, head tilted just a bit to the side in a way that he'd seen Keith tilt his own head in a mix of confusion and curiosity.
"No." Shiro shook his head, "Zombies are just the body come back to life with no soul, they are evil and attack other living beings. I am definitely not a zombie."
"I see." She nodded, "Is Keith in danger?"
Lance considered this, "No, they seemed to have the situation pretty well in hand down there." He reasoned, before tapping on the com by his ear, "Besides, they can call for help if they need it."
Krolia gave a sharp nod, seeming to accept that answer, "What will you do now?"
Shiro didn't seem to have an answer since he only shrugged, Krolia turned to him, eyebrow raised in question.
"I'm going to go use the training deck to practice fighting zombies, just in case." He grinned, already sort of excited at some of the ideas he had.
"I shall join you." Krolia said, and now this just got a lot more interesting.
He hadn't gotten a lot of one on one time with Keith's mother. He still hadn't even decided if he liked her actually. On the one hand, she seemed fine and like she was actually trying with Keith, but on the other she'd left in the first place. Not that he really had a right to hold that against her on Keith's behalf. Maybe if it was still the old Keith, the one he'd led Voltron with, then he might have a claim to acting or forming opinions on his behalf. He didn't know this new Keith though, not really, and they were both so different, he just wasn't sure where they stood with each other anymore.
"Sure," he shrugged, agreeing easily to the other woman joining in on his training, "Let's go grab the Hazmat Suits."
"Why do we need the Hazmat Suits?" She asked, looking confused, "They are not good to fight in."
"Exactly, that's why we're going to practice fighting in them so we get better at it." Lance nodded, "If we do come across zombies, we're going to want as much of our skin covered as possible so they can't bite us, because if they bite you then you turn into a zombie. The Hazmat Suits will be great for that."
.................................................
It was early, but Shiro couldn't manage any more sleep. He'd been in contact with the others yesterday evening for them to inform the rest of them on the castle that they were spending the night. They'd also confirmed Lance's zombie theory, but they'd assured them all of what Mashwe had told them. The city was safe, they would be safe for the night and this morning while they finished forming the alliance.
Lance and Krolia had stayed up pretty late working on their 'zombie combat skills', which was a ridiculous thing for them to be doing. Still though, Lance was taking initiative in training, even if it was wearing a ridiculous Hazmat Suit, so he hadn't discouraged it.
He was surprised though, when Lance walked into the kitchen only a minute after him. Especially given how late he'd been up and how early Shiro was up. He did look appropriately tired though, feet shuffling and rubbing his eyes.
"Good morning." He said, and Lance jumped back in fright.
His eyes were blown wide and he had a hand clutching his chest as he stared at Shiro, and he couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry, I didn't realize you didn't see me."
Lance seemed to shake himself out of it, clearing his throat awkwardly, "Yeah, and before you say it, I know, 'I need to be more aware of my surroundings'."
Shiro frowned in confusion, he hadn't been planning on saying that, he hadn't even been thinking it. Lance sounded like he was quoting someone though, like it was something that'd been said to him many times, like he'd expected it to be said again. Like he was expecting that response from Shiro specifically, which was odd because he couldn't think of a time other than generally telling the paladins to stay sharp on missions where he'd said that.
"It's alright to not always be on guard, Lance." He said, instead of asking where the boy had gotten that idea from, "Especially somewhere you're safe."
Lance looked at him, expression both confused and wary, like he was sensing a trap. Shiro had no idea what to make of that and before he could say anything Lance had smoothed his expression out, back to his normal demeanor in the space of a second.
"Yeah, totally." Lance shrugged offhandedly, "What are you doing up so early anyways?"
Shiro let it go, shrugging himself, "Couldn't sleep, what about you?"
"Same." Lance nodded, heading over to grab two bowls from the cupboard, "Zombie nightmares?"
"Yeah." Shiro nodded, watching as Lance filled the two bowls with food goo.
Lance turned around to hand one to him, which he reached out for and immediately dropped. "Damnit!" He cursed, but before he could do anything else Lance had already dropped to his knees and was scooping the goo back into the bowl with his hand.
Shiro grabbed a towel and joined him, "Thanks, Lance." He said, wiping the rest of it off the floor, "I'm sorry, my hands have just been getting really shaky sometimes."
Lance looked up at him, something indiscernible in his eyes, "After you wake up?"
"I- yeah, how did you know?" Shiro was a bit taken aback, had it been obvious?
"Allura said something about it being a side effect of the whole Lazarus thing." He shrugged, not making eye contact with Shiro and instead turning to clean the bowl and grab a new one.
"Oh, I guess that explains it." He frowned as he looked down at his shaky hands.
Lance was quiet for a minute as he went about getting a new bowl of food goo. Setting it down on the table this time instead of handing it to him.
"Thanks." He said, trying not to think too hard about how he couldn't even hold his own bowl.
They ate in silence, the kind that was a bit uncomfortable because Shiro could tell whatever Lance was thinking was troubling him. He realized a bit belatedly that today and yesterday were pretty much the only two times he'd been alone with him. He'd been in a group setting with Lance plenty, enough that nothing about his behavior seemed off, but one on one like now? Lance was different than how Shiro remembered him, or even how he was with the group around. It was concerning, and Shiro was pretty sure it was because of the fucking clone. He still didn't have any specific memories that could explain it all though, this was beyond the damage that'd been done just by snapping at Lance a couple times around the group. Especially since Lance was mostly fine around the group.
"Hey Shiro." Lance broke the silence, standing up to put his bowl in the dishwasher before turning to face him.
"Yeah, Lance?" He asked, somehow knowing that he needed to listen to whatever the younger boy wanted to tell him.
"You know that no one thinks you're weak, right?" He said, or more like forced the words out, like it was an act of bravery to say them, "No one thinks that you're weak because your hands shake and no one would think you were weak if you told them you were upset. No one thinks you're weak for dying, is the point. Everyone cares and is upset that you died and happy that you're back. You know that, right?"
Shiro was a bit gobsmacked, because he did know those things. He knew no one thought he was weak for dying or for any of the side effects of that. He knew they cared and that they were glad he was back. The way Lance said it though, it was like he expected Shiro to disagree with him, like he'd been told the opposite of what he was saying.
"Thank you, for saying that, and yeah, I do know all of that." He chose his words carefully, there was something here that he was missing, "Why would you think I wouldn't?"
Lance shrugged, crossing his arms on his chest and shifting nervously from foot to foot, "I don't know, it's just something you said one time. Well, I guess it was actually clone you that said it now that I think about it. I just wanted to make sure that real you knew that that's wrong."
"Lance, what did-" he started to ask, because actually what the ever loving fuck was Lance talking about, but he was interrupted by Romelle entering the kitchen.
"Good morning Shiro! Lance!" She greeted brightly as always before turning to Lance, "You're milkshake maker is hungry, I think."
"Thanks Romelle, I'll get on that." Lance grinned at her and then he was gone before Shiro could try and stop him.
Romelle went about getting herself a bowl of food goo, "When will the others return?"
Shiro blinked, snapping himself out of his thoughts and turning his gaze away from the doorway Lance had just disappeared through, "Uh, they said around lunchtime today."
Romelle nodded, accepting the answer, "What will you do today?"
He thought about it. He really wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on with Lance, except he was pretty sure Lance was the only one who could fill him in if it was as he expected and something clone related that Shiro didn't remember. He wasn't actually sure if Lance would tell him though, not if the clone had really hurt him like Shiro was starting to suspect.
He was missing something crucial. He'd thought the memories he had were enough to put together the big picture about what had happened. Except it was blatantly obvious at this point that there were memories that he was missing that were still affecting Lance to some degree. The way he reacted, the things he said that sounded like he was quoting something.
Lance didn't like to draw that sort of attention to himself. Especially not anymore. 'Nobody thinks you're weak' he'd said 'not for admitting you're upset.' Then, 'Just something you said once, well, clone you'. A very disturbing picture about what Lance thought of himself, what Shiro's clone had reinforced, was forming in his mind. Lance wouldn't tell him if he was hurting because he thought it would make him seem weak.
Except how else was he supposed to find out what happened so he could fix it? How could he reassure the kid if he had no working memory of what had happened. When the only reason he had any memory at all wasn't because Lance had told him or any of the others but because the Black lion had-
Oh. Was it really that simple?
"I'm going to go bond with the Black lion." He told the altean, "Let me know when the others return if I'm not done by then."
"Ok." She agreed, going back to happily munching on her food goo while the mice played in her hair.
Shiro made his way down towards the Black lion's hangar. This made sense if he thought about it. The lions stored the essence and memories of their past paladins, and the clone had been one of those paladins.
Allura had said that she'd used his essence from the Black lion to return his life to him, that she'd been able to return some of the clone's earlier memories too, but that Black had resisted when it came to the later one's. That was why his memory was so fractured and there were so many pieces missing.
He hadn't ever considered that he could ask Black for them. He hadn't wanted to, if he was honest, but he needed to now. He needed to know what was going on with Lance.
He approached Black in her hangar, moving to stand right in front of her. She lowered her head so it rested atop her paws, meeting his gaze with her own yellow eyes.
"I need to see the rest of the clone's memories." He said, trying to sound stronger than he felt, "My teammate is hurting and I am missing too much information to be able to help him. Please. Tell me what happened."
Black seemed to consider him for a moment before there was a voice echoing through his head, 'It will cause you great pain to see the actions taken by your likeness, my cub'
He gulped, "I understand. I need to see it anyways."
He felt a proud but sad hum in the back of his mind, and then it turned into a scream.
Lance's scream. There was the red lion, being hit with a blast while the blue lion skidded to a stop just out of the blast zone. This wasn't a battle though, he vaguely remembered this mission, they were fixing some sort of shield. He didn't remember any of this though, his memories about this event having been particularly fragmented. He hadn't remembered Lance having gotten hurt at all actually.
His clone was having some sort of a meltdown, he realized a bit belatedly. That wasn't important now though, no what was important was the fact that he could hear the others calling out to Lance on the comms only to be met with silence.
The scene changed suddenly, and he was sitting in the Black lion's cockpit and there was a private com link going between him and Allura as they all flew back to the ship.
"I- Shiro," she broke off, and there were tears on her cheeks, she was clearly upset, "He wasn't- when I got there he was- He died Shiro! I- I brought him back, but- he was dead."
She broke off into a sob, and then Shiro's mouth was moving of its own accord. "You did good princess. I'm glad you got there in time. Everything is alright now, you did good. Are you alright?"
She sniffed, nodding at him, though she looked far from alright. "What will we tell the others?"
"You will tell them that he is alright now and nothing more." Shiro told her, which what?! "They don't need to know anything else."
"What are you talking about, Shiro? Lance was dead!" Allura looked both shocked and indignant.
"Yes, but, death is a private affair, for humans." Shiro's mouth explained while his mind was just on a loop of wtf?? "It is like what we discussed when it comes to trauma, some things need to be shared by the person themselves when they are ready and want to. This is a very important part of earth culture, it would be upsetting to Lance if it was broken. Do you understand, Princess?"
Literally none of that was true, what the hell was the clone doing?!
"I understand." She nodded, although she didn't look happy about it, "I will not tell the others and I will not bring it up to him if you think that is for the best."
"It is, Princess, I promise. I will make sure he's alright once we return, while you take the others and debrief them." He told her, "Will you be alright to do that?"
She nodded, squaring her jaw and wiping the tears from her eyes before signing off.
The scene changed again and now he was standing in the Red lion's hangar, watching as her mouth opened and Lance made his way down the catwalk slowly. He looked like he was barely holding himself up, both physically and mentally.
"Lance," he stepped forward to meet the boy, "Allura told me what happened. Are you-"
He didn't even get to finish the question before Lance was crumpling. Shiro raced forwards and caught him before he hit the ground, pulling the younger boy to his chest as his frame was wracked with sobs.
"I- I almost- I was- my mami, I would- I almost never saw her again!" He sobbed, "I almost- I died and- wasn't even- it was t even a battle."
His words were barely stringing together to form anything coherent. His sobs were strong enough that they were choking him, making it hard to breath as he shook and shook and shook in Shiro's arms.
At least the clone was comforting him.
It took a while, but eventually Lance's sobs tapered out and and he sat up, pulling out of Shiro's arms.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled, wiping at his eyes.
"It's alright, everyone has a moment every once in a while." Shiro soothed.
Lance nodded weakly, "I just- what am I going to tell the others?"
"Allura's already told them. You don't need to worry about that." Shiro assured the boy.
Except, no she hadn't, because Shiro had told her not to. What the hell was going on?
"Oh god," Lance gasped, breath hitching in his chest like he was going to start sobbing again but he didn't, "Hunk must be so upset!"
Lance had just died and he was thinking of his best friend first, Jesus Christ. Shiro wanted to tell him not to worry about what Hunk was feeling right now.
"You don't need to worry about that. He isn't upset, neither are the others." Shiro assured him, like that was actually meant to make Lance feel better.
That was not what he'd meant by not worrying about Hunk's feelings right then.
"W-what?" Lance looked so painfully confused at that, it broke Shiro's heart a bit.
"Why would he be? You're fine, you're in perfect health actually. Sure it was a close call, but we have those all the time. This isn't really worth caring about." The clone said, like it was obvious.
This was so supremely fucked up. Beyond what he imagined the clone could have ever done.
Lance's lip wobbled at that, his eyes going glassy again, "But- but I-"
Shiro snatched his wrist away from where it was going to cover his eyes, "Christ Lance, calm down would you, you're fine. I get that you had a moment, but that moment needs to be over now. You had a close call but you're fine now. You can't afford to be any weaker than you already are, especially when it was that weakness that caused what happened today."
He wanted to scream.
"Please, Shiro, you're-" Lance sucked in a shaky gasp, "You're hurting me!"
Shiro squeezed Lance's wrist even tighter for a second before releasing it. He eyed the rapidly forming finger shaped bruises he could see starting to mottle the skin there. Then he stood up abruptly.
"Go clean yourself up then report to the bridge in 15 minutes." He said, walking towards the door, before turning back, "Oh, and I meant it when I said not to burden the team with your weakness. They don't need any more of your shit weighing them down."
Shiro wanted to throw up.
The scene changed again. And again. And again. Going through memory after memory of every fucked up thing his clone had done, mostly to Lance.
............................................................
He was on the training deck with Krolia again, this time sans the zombie fighting get up. She'd offered to help him train with a sword, which was an offer he was happy to take her up on.
Keith had been the only other one to wield a sword on team Voltron, and by the time Lance had figured out how to change his bayard's shape Keith had already been gone. He'd had to figure out a lot of it on his own, and despite all the time training with it with the team, on his own, and during the late night sessions Shiro's clone had made him do with him, he still wasn't very good at it.
"You are doing incredibly well, considering the rudimentary grip you use." Krolia told him after they'd just finished a spar with the gladiator. "Why do you use that grip?"
Lance shrugged, "It was what Shiro, or his clone I guess, taught me to use. He said Keith used that grip."
Krolia looked confused at that, "My kit does not use that grip." She shook her head, "Here, I will show you a better grip, the one me and my kit both use."
He nodded, thanking her as she showed him a different grip, this one feeling far more natural. He tried to ignore the sinking of his stomach. Shiro's clone had been mean at times, but had he really set Lance up to fail intentionally that far back before his final snap?
He'd have to ask Keith if he'd changed his sword grip after he left Voltron. Maybe the blades had taught him a different one? That would make sense, it would explain why Keith and his mom used the same grip even though they hadn't even met until recently.
The comms clicked on suddenly, "Hailing Castle of Lions." Allura's voice came through.
He grabbed his helmet from where he'd sat it on the ground, clicking his own comms on. "What's up, Princess?"
"We're just letting you know that we're on our way back up to you." She informed him, and Lance let out a relieved laugh, glad to be one step closer from being really far away from the zombie planet.
"Great, we'll be waiting for you." He replied before signing off and turning to Krolia, "Come on, let's get the Hazmat Suits on so we can detox them and check for infection."
.......................................................
"Lance this is ridiculous." Pidge complained, "We didn't even come into contact with any zombies."
"Don't care, you're all going through the detox." He replied over the comms, watching over the security feed on the bridge as Pidge honest to god stomped her foot.
"Come on man, I'm hungry!" Hunk whined, "Let us out of here!"
"If you'd stop arguing and just do the detox then you'd be one step closer to getting out of there and into the kitchen, my dearest and hunkiest friend." Lance crooned over the speakers.
"This is ridiculous." Keith said, and although he couldn't see it on the security feed, he knew that Keith was rolling his eyes as he walked into the detox room.
The rest followed him grumbling, except Coran who had already been in there, having cited the importance of being sure they weren't contaminated. Once they were all inside, he closed the doors and activated the detox.
He and Krolia left the bridge after that, the two of them chucking as Lance explained his plan. Krolia stopped, waiting behind the bend of the hallway in her own Hazmat suit as Lance went to stand outside the door of the detox room in his matching one.
Soon enough the door was sliding open to reveal four grumpy paladins and a chipper Coran.
"Seriously dude, you already made us go through the detox." Pidge rolled her eyes upon seeing him standing there, "The Hazmat suit is overkill, just take it off."
"Not until you all get checked for bite marks." Lance shook his head, "I'm not taking any chances."
"We're fine, we already told you we never came into contact with any of the Unkiro." Allura said, "Which is what the Myxallions called these zombie creatures you keep referring to."
Lance shook his head again, "I've seen enough zombie movies to know that someone always lies about getting bit."
"This isn't a movie, Lance!" Keith protested, "No one is lying about getting bit!"
"Then let us check." Krolia said, rounding the corner with absolutely perfect timing, "Prove your innocence, my kit."
Keith's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, before he turned a shocked glare on Lance, "You dragged my mom into this?"
"I volunteered." Krolia corrected, coming to stand next to Lance, "Lance has informed me of the great danger these zombie creatures can cause. It is, how did you say it went Lance? Better safe then sorry?"
He shot her a thumbs up and she looked pleased with herself at having gotten it right.
"Have you been hanging out with my mom?!" Keith choked out, looking at Lance like he was horrified at the idea.
"Yes. We worked on our Zombie survival skills and I have been working with Lance on his sword work." Krolia nodded, matter of fact.
Keith dropped his face down into his hands, "Why are you even working on sword work, you use a gun!"
"Uh, because my bayard turns into a sword too?" He said, thought it came out sounding more like a question. He hadn't realized Keith didn't know about that.
"Really?" Keith looked up, curious now as he eyed Lance's bayard.
He held it up, letting it turn into a gun first, and then morphing it into a sword before letting it go back to its resting state.
Keith's moth was parted in wonder for a second before he snapped it closed, clearing his throat and saying, "That's actually really cool."
"Thanks." Lance beamed at the genuine compliment, "But unfortunately flattery will not excuse you from getting checked for bite marks."
Keith crossed his arms across his chest, once again looking pissed off, "Right, and how exactly do you suggest we do that? Are you going to make us strip naked?"
The response to that was out of his mouth before he could even think twice about it, "I mean, if you're volunteering..." he threw him a wink that made him scoff and turn beet red.
"Come on Lance." Pidge groaned, "First you flirt with Allura and now you're flirting with Keith in front of his mother?!"
"I do not mind it." Krolia said, matter of fact.
"You really should." Allura told her, "That was pretty overtly sexual, even for Lance."
"He set me up perfectly." Lance shrugged, completely unapologetic.
"I do not mind it." Krolia repeated, "I would like my kit to find his mate, and Lance is a good candidate."
Lance choked on the breath he'd sucked in in shock at that. Sputtering almost as much as Keith who was the reddest Lance had ever seen him.
"Mom!" He hissed out, sounding both scandalized and betrayed, "You can't say things like that!"
"Why not? Lance has presented his interest. I am telling you I approve." She looked completely serious about all of this, and it had his heart stuttering in his chest.
"Because humans like to jokingly flirt. It isn't always a genuine presenting of interest." Keith's head was in his hands to hide how red his face was.
"Is this true?" Krolia asked, turning to Lance, "Was your 'flirt' not genuine?"
Lance sucked in a breath, "Ok, as much as I love annoying Keith, we've gotten way off track." Keith's head snapped up at his avoidance of the question, but Lance powered on, "We aren't making any of you strip, we're going to have you get into the pods and do a physical scan to make sure there's no injuries. Like bites."
"That's an excellent idea, my boy!" Coran said cheerfully, always happy to use the pods his grandfather had built, "Lead the way!" And so he did.
................................................
'That is enough for now, my cub. You know enough to serve your purposes.'
Shiro sat down on the floor, hard. He was panting, sweat dripping down his brow. He couldn't believe all that he'd just witnessed, all the things that the clone had done that he hadn't known about. All the ways Lance had been hurt that he'd been walking around blissfully unaware of.
Had Lance known that he hadn't known about it? Or had he just thought that Shiro hadn't apologized or mentioned it because he didn't think it was important enough. Like how he'd told Lance his death wasn't important enough to be upset about.
Jesus fucking Christ. He needed to fix this. He needed to fix it now.
He got up quickly, pushing his sweaty fringe out of his eyes as he calmed his breathing enough that he wouldn't look insane walking through the halls. He checked the time, seeing that it was around lunchtime, so he'd check the kitchen first.
He strode through the halls quickly, with the purpose of getting to Lance as fast as possible so he could start to undo the damage his clone had done. Tell him how all of those things he'd said were absolute bullshit.
The kitchen was full of people when he entered it though, Hunk bustling around as he handed out plates of food and the others grabbed drinks and seats around the table.
"You guys are back?" He blinked, not sure why he was shocked seeing as they had said they'd be back by lunchtime and it was now lunchtime.
"Yeah, we got back half a varga ago." Pidge said through a mouthful of food, "We hailed the castle through the comms, didn't you hear it?"
"Uh, no," he cleared his throat awkwardly, "I was with Black in the astral plane."
He saw most of the room's occupants stiffen at that, all except Krolia who was looking at him curiously and Romelle who was busy with the mice and not paying attention. Not that she knew how significant that announcement was anyways.
"You uh, didn't get enough time there before or something?" Hunk tried to joke, but it fell flat.
"I asked Black to show me more of the clone's memories." He explained, and saw Lance stiffen and keep his gaze firmly on his plate, "How did your mission go?"
It was silent for a moment before Allura spoke up, "Great, we've got a secured alliance with the people of Myxallo. Although they don't have a lot of resources to share with us given their own crisis. Still, an addition to the alliance is always good."
"Plus, maybe we could weaponize the zombie virus against the Galra." Pidge suggested, eyes darting back and forth quickly like she was already working out the possibilities.
"That's biological warfare, which is a war crime." Lance pointed out, "Sorry Pidge, but that's a no go."
"Boo." Pidge huffed, but gave it up without argument.
"Anyways, point is, the mission was fine, pretty uneventful honestly, until we got back and Lance started acting crazy." Keith summed everything up.
There was a thump under the table and then Keith was letting out a sharp hiss of pain, Lance clearly having kicked him under the table. "I was not acting crazy!"
"You made us go through detox and then get checked out by the pods!" Keith shot back, and then there was another thump under the table as Lance kicked him again.
Then Keith started kicking back, and suddenly it was like it was their first couple weeks here in space all over again.
"Boys! Seriously?!" He called and they both stopped immediately.
Keith crossed his arms and continued glaring at Lance, except Lance wasn't glaring back. No, he was sitting with his back ramrod straight, hands tucked in his lap and his head down. Keith immediately stopped glaring, looking both confused and concerned.
Shiro regretted scolding them immediately. It'd just been so familiar and it'd slipped out before he even thought about it.
"Sorry, guys. It probably was over the top, I just wanted to be safe. Not make any more stupid mistakes." Lance said, not looking up from his hands.
Shiro sucked in a breath, about to say something, anything to fix this when Pidge beat him to it.
"Dude, you gotta stop that." She said, nudging him with her elbow.
Good, Shiro thought, Lance deserved to hear it from them too, that he didn't need to be sorry for his every move.
"What?" Lance asked, glancing at her confused, like he didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.
"This acting super weird around Shiro. I get the clone him turned out to be a dick at the end, but that isn't Shiro's fault." She pointed out, "You can't keep acting like you're holding it against him."
That was not what Shiro was hoping she'd say. He was about to correct her too when Lance looked up at him, clearly upset.
"I'm so sorry." He said, sounding so painfully sincere, "I'm sorry I keep acting weird around you, I swear I know you and the clone are different people. I promise I don't hold any of what he did against you, Shiro, and I'm sorry for making it seem like I do."
Shiro shook his head immediately, "It's ok, Lance, really, I-"
Except then Keith was cutting him off, always his most ardent defender even when it meant defending Shiro from himself. "No. Don't you dare apologize, nothing that that clone did was your fault."
He sent a weak smile Keith's way as a thank you, even though he didn't really feel like none of it was his fault right now. Not after everything his likeness had done to Lance.
"Keith's right." Lance piped up, "This isn't your fault, I just need to get my own shit in order. I'm sorry for making this your problem."
Which, fuck no, Lance closing himself off and bottling everything up was the last thing Shiro wanted him doing.
"What 'shit', Lance?" Hunk asked, sounding concerned, "You've been acting different. What happened?"
"Yeah, I don't get it either." Pidge nodded, her voice genuine in her confusion. Not a hint of meanness behind it. "I mean, I know the clone snapped at you a couple times, but it's not like the clone ever really hurt you or anything?"
Lance sucked in a breath, "You're right, I'm being dumb."
And Shiro couldn't let that stand, "Lance!" He said, sharper than he meant to in trying to cut off Lance's self deprecation.
Lance flinched, and everyone saw it.
"Dude, seriously, that's exactly what I'm talking about." Pidge huffed, "You gotta stop-"
"Pidge, be quiet." Shiro said, not unkindly.
"No, she's right, I'm sorry Shiro." Lance said, shaking his head.
"No she isn't." Shiro said, not willing to let Lance continue down this path anymore, "Lance, you have every right to feel uncomfortable around me."
Lance was shaking his head immediately, "No, I don't. That wasn't you and it isn't fair for me to hold it against you."
"No, it wasn't me, but it was still my body, my face, and my voice doing all of it." Shiro reasoned, trying to make Lance understand that he was allowed to be upset, "You were hurt by my likeness, and trauma responses don't just go away over night."
Shiro saw Krolia leading Romelle out of the kitchen, glad that at least they wouldn't be witness to this since apparently he and Lance were having this conversation in public.
Keith had stiffened at his last statement, slowly tearing his gaze away from Lance to look at Shiro, "What do you mean 'trauma response'?"
He ignored him, looking at Lance instead who was shaking his head, "Trauma response is a bit extreme, Shiro, I'm fine. Besides, it wasn't like most of what the clone did wasn't warranted."
That was apparently Shiro's snapping point.
"Lance, I- he hurt you. Badly." Shiro said, breath whooshing out of him because how the hell could Lance not see that.
"It wasn't that bad." Lance shrugged.
"He lied to Allura to make sure she didn't tell anyone that you died and then convinced you that no one checked up on you because nobody fucking cared!" He exclaimed, and Lance's eyes flew wide as several gasps were heard across the table.
"That was a lie?" Allura asked, eyes blurring with tears as she looked at Shiro, and when he nodded they spilled over.
"Lance, you- you died?" Hunk gasped, turning to his best friend with tears already pouring down his face. "What? When?"
"At the shield, when I took the blast for Allura. You didn't know?" Lance asked, sounding confused and so painfully young.
"Of course we didn't know!" Pidge exclaimed, looking extremely upset, and a bit angry, "Did you really think we wouldn't fucking care?!"
"It isn't his fault." Shiro jumped in, trying to get them all to understand, trying to get Lance to understand, "The clone- it was more than just snapping at him a couple times. He thought that if he could break you then he could break Voltron, so he got you alone, lied and messed with your head, pushed you to your breaking point again and again, he hurt you, Lance, he- he abused you."
There was no taking the word back once he'd said it, and he wouldn't, not when Lance needed what he'd been through acknowledged. Even if he wasn't quite ready to accept it.
"'Abused' is a bit too extreme." Lance said, "I'm fine."
"Lance, he told you every single fucking day that you were worthless, he taught you to use your sword wrong in training so you'd get hurt more and then wouldn't let you go to the med bay or use the pods." Shiro pushed, even as he saw Lance's hands start shaking, hoping that Lance would finally allow himself to be upset about what had been done to him.
Maybe hoping that he'd blame Shiro a bit too. That maybe he could be given an opportunity to burn off some of the guilt he was feeling by bearing Lance's anger.
"I didn't need pods. I was fine. If I wasn't I stole some first aid supplies and dealt with it." Lance gritted his teeth, "It was good for me. You- he was right, I needed to toughen up."
"No, he was wrong, and cruel." Shiro argued, trying to get Lance to see what'd been done to him.
Lance stood up suddenly, "I'm going to go train." He announced.
"No, Lance. You need to go get in a pod." Shiro said, and everyone stiffened at that.
"I don't know what you think you remember, but I'm fine." Lance grit his teeth, eyes not looking up from the floor.
"No you aren't." Shiro said, blocking the door, not willing to let him go on in more pain than necessary for any longer, "You're still hurt, because I know you haven't been in a pod and burns from Galra tech are designed to last longer and be harder to naturally heal than normal burns."
"What are you talking about, you never burned me!" Lance sputtered, except he was lying, Shiro could see it in his eyes.
"Yes, I did." Shiro said, not willing to let it go untreated any longer, "On your side."
"You burned him?" Keith's voice asked, an unholy rage underlining it, causing a new wave of shame to wash over him.
Knowing that he'd become just like the people he'd saved a beat up fourteen year old Keith from was almost too much to bear. He didn't think he could ever look his brother in the eye again, not that he deserved to even call him his brother anymore.
"Once again, it wasn't actually you, Shiro." Lance reminded them all, "And also, it didn't happen. I'm perfectly fine, other than the fact that I really need to work on my sword work since it turns out I'm an idiot who's been doing it wrong this whole time."
Lance moved to step around him, clearly trying to head for the training deck again, and instead of letting him pass he reached out and grabbed hold of Lance's shirt. He yanked it up, exposing the handprint sized burn that was clearly swollen and showing signs of infection on his side, right where he knew it'd be.
Gasps echoed around the room as everyone saw the burn, and then Lance flung himself back. Yanking his shirt down and glaring at Shiro.
"What was that for?!" He exclaimed, tears welling in his eyes as his whole body started shaking, "Why the fuck would you do that?!"
"I'm sorry, Lance, but you're hurt." He took a step towards Lance, holding out a placating hand like he was trying to approach a cornered animal.
Lance flinched hard, taking another step back, "I'm so sorry, but I couldn't-"
And then suddenly Keith was in front of him, forcing him to take a step back.
"You're done." Keith told him, cool hard authority in his voice that made Shiro's eyes widen in shock, "You're hurting more than helping right now."
Shiro glanced at Lance, who was shaking still, looking on the verge of collapse, and nodded at Keith, moving out of the doorway. He collapsed into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and watched as Keith approached Lance slowly, murmuring something that he couldn't make out. Lance nodded minutely, still not looking up, and Keith led him out of the room.
Hunk got up to follow them, but Shiro shook his head, "Don't, leave them be for a while. Keith can help him in a way we can't right now."
Pidge scoffed in a way that was half hearted at best, "C'mon, it's Keith and Lance we're talking about. Them kicking each other under the table was what started this whole thing."
Shiro just shook his head, "They trust each other more than they would ever say."
"Since when?" Hunk looked skeptical, clearly still wanting to go after his friend.
"Since they led Voltron together." Shiro states matter of fact. "The bond between the Red and Black paladins is stronger than the rest, it has to be by necessity since they must lead Voltron together. Lance and Keith's was especially strong. Stronger than Lance and my clone ever managed to get, even before the clone started acting different than me."
"I don't get it, why didn't Lance realize something was wrong sooner if the bond is stronger?" Pidge asked, her brow furrowed.
"He did." Shiro sighed, "The clone convinced him he was using my PTSD against me. The bond may have allowed Lance and I to function well together, to trust easily, but it's also why, like Zarkon and Alfor, the clone was able to abuse it."
There was a haunted look on Coran's face when he looked over at him. The man having remained uncharacteristically quite this whole time.
"How was I so blind a second time?" He said, tears slipping down his cheeks.
"We were all blind, Coran." Hunk said, rubbing a hand over his back as he started crying in earnest.
Shiro couldn't manage to string his thoughts together enough to come up with anything other than I'm so fucking sorry.
.....................................................
"I'm not going in a pod." Lance said, once he stopped freaking out enough to realize that he'd let Keith lead him right into the med bay. "I'm fine."
"You aren't fine." Keith replied, matter of fact, "But I'm not making you go in a pod."
"You aren't?" Lance sent him a hesitant glance, surprised at the response from the stubborn hot head.
"No, Lance, I know you don't like them, and for good reason." Keith said, and Lance knew he was also thinking about the time he'd gotten locked in one, "And you don't need one, so I won't make you. You are going to let me patch you up though."
He cringed, wrapping his arms around himself, "Do I really have to?"
Keith leveled him with a look and sighed, "Look, Lance, I'm not going to force you to do something you really aren't comfortable with, ok. I just- I'd like it if you'd let me help you, please."
It was the 'please' that really did it, making it feel like the breath had been stolen from his lungs. It wasn't just the word, but the tone it was said in, something akin to desperation. Keith was genuinely upset, he realized, he genuinely needed to make sure that Lance was ok. It felt odd having someone, especially Keith ask to make sure he was ok. Although maybe it shouldn't have been, Keith had always been softer than he'd let others see.
There'd been a time when Lance had known that, but he hadn't been sure that that part of him had survived or was still available to him after their time apart. Except apparently it was.
"Alright." Lance agreed, voice breathy as he said it.
"Yeah?" Keith looked both sad and hopeful.
"Yeah." Lance confirmed, knowing that, despite his nerves, this was the right move. "How do we do this?"
Keith eyed him, "You're going to have to strip, I need to see what I'm working with since pod scans are off the table."
"You know, I'm pretty sure I suggested this go the other way around this morning." Lance sent him a halfhearted smirk, even as he complied with the request and started shedding his jacket.
"Yeah, well, consider it karma for all the 'my kit, that cute funny boy who used a sword is a good candidate for you to be mates with' speeches that are in my future." He replied as he dug through the cabinets to get whatever supplies he was looking for.
Lance flung his shirt at him in response to that, and it landed right on top of his head, "Bullseye." He muttered as Keith let out a chuckle at the ridiculous behavior.
"You aren't even embarrassed by it either." Keith huffed.
Lance laughed at that as he shimmied out of his pants and the sat on the exam table in just his boxers. They'd stopped bothering to be embarrassed about their bodies a while ago, and Keith already knew he was injured so there was no sense hiding anything.
"I never dated anyone back on earth and had their parents not like me." He shrugged, "It's nice to know I've still got it."
"Please, my mom just thinks I need to loosen up and 'act my age'. Plus you use a sword." Keith shot back, "I'm surprised it took her this long to suggest it."
"She's right, you do need to relax and have fun more." Lance said immediately.
He'd been on a mission to get Keith to open up and have fun more for almost as long as they'd been in space together.
He'd missed this, the easy and familiar teasing that they'd settled into before Keith had left with the blades. He was glad to have it back now, it soothed him in a way he didn't know how to describe. It was just so different from the barbs or the indifference he'd grown used to.
"I missed you." He blurred out suddenly, before he could second guess himself.
He saw Keith's shoulders tense, and then relax, like all the stress what bleeding out of them. "I missed you too." He replied, before turning to face him.
Lance saw the way his jaw clenched and his hands tightened around the medical supplies he'd collected when Keith saw his body.
"I'm ok." He tried to tell the other boy, but Keith just gave him a look and Lance knew they both knew he wasn't.
"Your skin..." Keith muttered, as he set the supplies down on the exam table beside him, eyes roving over his scarred torso.
"Yeah well, I stopped bothering with my skin care routine," Lance shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal, "Not really any beauty left to preserve anyways."
Keith's eyes snapped to his, a familiar fire burning in his eyes that raised goosebumps on his skin, "You're just as beautiful as you were before I left."
He sucked in a sharp breath at the words, "Are you saying you think I'm beautiful, Keith Kogane?"
Keith's eyes were searching Lance's, though he didn't know what for, "Would you believe me if I did?" He asked finally.
"You've never been a liar." He answered, unable to tear his eyes away from Keith's.
"Then yeah, Lance." He said, voice soft and earnest, "I think you're beautiful."
"Even with the scars?"
"Especially with the scars."
Lance sucked in a breath, fanning at his face, "Fuck you dude, you're going to make me cry."
A small, soft smile was on Keith's lips as he watched Lance's dramatics. If Lance was genuinely this flustered, then it meant he believed Keith meant what he'd said.
"Alright, let's look at this burn then." He said, letting the subject change and slipping some of the med gloves on.
Lance raised his arm, letting Keith have full and unobstructed access to the handprint shaped burn on his side. It was easier than it should have been, easier than it would've been if it was anyone else, to let Keith see him like this. To let him help. He tried not to think to much about why.
When Keith started applying a cream onto it, one that he'd explained was meant to heal, fight infection, and relive pain, he tried his best to stay quiet. It really fucking hurt though, and a few gasps and whimpers escaped his mouth at the pain.
"It's over now" Keith looked at him in concern after a minute, "Are you alright?"
He nodded shakily, "Yeah, sorry, I'm ok."
Keith's brow furrowed in response, even as he moved down to a particularly nasty cut on his shin from the gladiator that he'd kept ripping open and had never managed to heal fully.
"Lance, you're allowed to not be ok. You know that right?" He said, looking up at him with such a pained look.
He sighed, avoiding Keith's gaze, "Look, I know that Shiro made it sound really bad in there, but it just wasn't. It was..." he trailed off, not really sure how to describe it.
"Perfectly survivable?" Keith suggested, and Lance was nodding before he'd even fully processed it.
"Yeah, how did you...?" He scrunched his brows in confusion.
He and Keith had been pretty in synch at one point, but never 'finish each other's sentences in really emotional conversations' in synch.
"I grew up in foster care." Keith shrugged, which was something Lance hadn't actually fucking considered, like a fool, "I know what it is to be abused."
"Shit, Keith, I'm so sorry." Lance said, immediately, "I mean, having Shiro compare the stuff his clone did with all the truly terrible things you-"
"Not what I meant." Keith cut him off, a hand coming up to lightly squeeze his thigh right above the knee.
Nothing like the painfully tight grip Shiro's hands had always had, a threat in the form of a mockery of comfort. No, this was just pure comfort, and it made him want to cry a little bit, and maybe beg Keith to never let got.
That would be ridiculous though, so he didn't.
"You were a kid, Keith. Whatever might have happened to me, it isn't the same." Lance pointed out.
"It isn't a comparison game. The things that Shiro described his clone doing? Those are all textbook forms of abuse." Keith countered, voice soft and earnest, like he needed Lance to understand what he was saying. "Not to mention, the evidence I'm looking at right now. These aren't all from battles, are they?"
Lance shrugged, "A lot of them are from training."
"The extra training the clone made you do when no one else was around? Where he wouldn't let you go to the med bay afterwards?" Keith asked, not unkindly. "Denying you medical care is a type of abuse, Lance."
Lance looked away, jaw clenching and unable to look him in the eyes. That was apparently enough of an answer for Keith, who let out a weary sigh.
"Even if it weren't for all that, Shiro wouldn't throw around the word abuse lightly. Not even if he was feeling really guilty. He's the one who got me out of the system, he knows the weight that word carries. He wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true."
He waiting for Lance to look at him again, and when he finally did, he found that Keith looked both the softest and the saddest that he'd ever seen him.
"You don't have to use that word to describe what happened though, if you don't want to. Some people aren't comfortable with it. I'm not most of the time, and that's fine, as long as you understand that what happened to you was wrong. That you didn't deserve it. That you're allowed to be as angry or hurt or upset as you want or need to be. That's what matters."
Lance nodded, unable to tear his eyes from Keith's magnetic gaze, even as he felt a tear slip down his cheek. He felt more than saw Keith's hand come up to his face, thumb swiping away the tear softly.
"I- I'm so-" he sucked in a sharp breath, his chest hitching a bit, Keith just waited patiently for him to be able to form his words, "I'm so scared." He finally managed to get out.
Keith considered that for a moment, before asking carefully, "What exactly are you scared of?"
He took a shuddering breath, "That, it'll start happening again, and that'll mean I really did deserve it."
A breath punched out of Keith, and his eyes fluttered closed for a second, his expression so pained that it made him feel a twinge in his chest.
Then Keith's eyes were open again, that same fire there as before. "You didn't deserve it." He said simply. "Not ever."
Lance shook his head slightly, not enough to tear his eyes away from Keith's, an impossibility at this point, "I- I'm the weak link, and even if his methods were not very kind, he put up with me, helped me hide it, helped me get better so I wasn't as weak." He tried to explain, even his words sounding weak to his own ears.
"Did you forget the part where he was doing it to intentionally harm the team?" Keith pointed out, "He was never trying to help you, he was trying to break you."
"He still targeted me for my weakness, he picked me because I was already weak, already an easy target." He replied, shrugging like it was a simple truth.
Keith just looked more determined than ever though. "Was he the one who told you that you were weak?"
"It's just the truth, Keith." He shrugged.
"Was he the one who told you that you were weak?" He repeated, not letting up.
Lance sighed, and nodded slightly, "Yeah, everyday."
Keith's hands moved up to cup his face, making sure Lance could look no where but directly into his eyes, making sure that Lance knew he meant every single word he was about to say.
"Then that is the biggest lie he ever told."