Work Text:
When Alhaitham came home, it was quiet.
Usually, he liked it when it was quiet, but it had a strangely comforting feeling to it, when Kaveh's laugh and maybe even his frustrated sighs filled the air. Why was it that quiet? Kaveh should've worked today. He should have been sitting on his desk, sighing and being annoyed when Alhaitham came back from the academia; perhaps he had even started to argue with his rommate. Alhaitham put his shoes on the shoe rack, paying attention to not getting the carpet dirty. He put his jacket away, then he went to look for Kaveh.
He looked in Kaveh's room, in the living room, even in the bathroom, but the other one wasn't there. The only thing Alhaitham found was a red hair clip next to Kaveh's bed and a few drops of water - or a few tears, he didn't know - on Kaveh's latest job. He sighed, looking a little annoyed. And maybe, just maybe, a little worried about his Kaveh.
He shrugged and went to the kitchen to make some food.
After his dinner - a bowl of soup with a bit of bread, he stood up again, wanting to go shower, read a little and go to sleep.
But when he put his plate away, he found a little note. It was scribbled in a rush in the almost illegible handwriting of his roommate. He took it to a place with better lighting, to read what Kaveh had written that fast. He had to squint his eyes to read the scribble. But when he finally read it, he started trembling.
"Dear Alhaitham,
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have argued with you all the time, and I think its about time that I relieve you of the burden that you have to bear with me as your roommate.
It's... weird to write this after three long years of living with you, because I never have had a chance to tell you how I really feel about all of this.
And, how I feel about us.
Because I don't feel like you like me at all, but I also don't feel like you don't like me.
What is this between us? Tell me, Alhaitham, how do you feel about me?
Not as your roommate, not as your senior, just about me as a person?
And please don't be sad about my death, I don't want you to mourn for me.
Just remember that I'll watch you from heaven.
I love you.
-Kaveh"
Alhaitham wanted to hit himself.
How could he not notice that Kaveh was not okay?
How could he not notice that Kaveh wanted to die?
And most importantly, how could he not notice that Kaveh was going to fucking kill himself?
The little piece of paper fell from his hands and dropped onto the floor, while Alhaitham ran to the door, put his shoes and jacket on, grabbed his keys and stormed through the door, not even bothering to close his jacket. He had a vague idea where Kaveh could have went. And if he was right, it was far too late.
Alhaitham ran the whole way, just hoping that maybe, just maybe Kaveh had thought about it.
Maybe he stopped. Maybe he didnt kill himself. Maybe, maybe, maybe. It was the worst, not knowing if his roommate was dead or alive.
Alhaitham hated not knowing things.
He ran a little further, until he stopped at the edge of a small cliff.
Slowly, carefully, almost fearful he stepped closer to the edge. To not lose his balance, he kneeled down and leaned over the edge, just a little, just so he could see if there was something lying down there...
Alhaithams heart broke.
He didn't think a dead body covered in blood could look that peaceful. He wanted to pull back, to look away, but he couldn't. After a few seconds - or had it been minutes? He didn't know - he forced himself to get back up and a few steps away from the edge, back on top of the cliff. "I will go down and then... It will be okay. It will be just a hallucination." He quietly whispered these words, not even believing in them. Slowly, he stood up. To hide that his whole body was shaking, he took a few steps forward, searching for the trail down that he had disovered when he had been here with Kaveh.
He found himself mumbling "It's not real. It's not real." over and over again, wanting to convince himself that it was just his head messing with him.
That it was just a stupid hallucination.
That it was nothing serious, just another prank from someone from the Akademiya.
He did not believe it.
When he stumbled onto the ground under the cliff, his eyes went wide.
Blood. Everything was covered in splashes of blood. And in the middle of the mess, there was a curled up person. A curled up person with every bone in their body broken.
A blonde young man with a white linen shirt and black pants.
A person whose face Alhaitham couldn't see, but he knew who it was.
A dead body.
Alhaitham fell to his knees. It was too much. Too much.
Words echoed through his mind, memories of himself. But they felt so distant, as if another person had lived through them in another life...
"Hey, Alhaitham, what type of girl are you into?", Kaveh asked.
Alhaitham didn't answer for a while, but in the end, he smiled slightly and lied straight to Kaveh's face: "I like girls who are only a little shorter than me. They should be mature and loyal, cute and someone lovable."
Kaveh looked as if he had just hit him. He felt bad for lying, but he could definetly not tell Kaveh that he was gay, not if he didn't want the whole Akademiya to know.
After that day, Alhaitham often had one-night-stands and very short relationships, just to show that he wasn't gay. Just to show that he couldn't be a target for all the others at the Akademiya.
Kaveh was sleeping, curled up on the couch. He looked so tired, as if he hasn't slept enough in weeks and Alhaitham knew that Kaveh had worked until the late hours of the night. He sighed and picked Kaveh up, disturbed by how fragile and light he felt in his arms. Slowly, he carried the blonde one into his room, laid him down in the bed and put a blanket over him, slightly smiling at the sight of a peacefully sleeping Kaveh. Yes, this was what it was worth living for.
Alhaitham was standing on top of the small cliff, almost dangerously near to the edge. Kaveh was in front of him, sitting there, his feet dangling over the edge. Slowly, Alhaitham whispered: "Kaveh?" He was only answered with a quiet sob and a whisper. "...go away..." From behind, Alhaitham gently hugged Kaveh, pulled him back, yeah, saved him. After that night, they had promised to never go near that cliff ever again.
One Year Later, Alhaitham and Kaveh, sitting on the sofa, drinking tea and talking a little. Kaveh seemed happy and when the younger one asked, he confirmed that he was happy. That he was fine again. That he was better and would not attempt to commit suicide ever again. But he lied, and Alhaitham only found out about it now.
He silently looked at the corpse of his roommate, shattered by the impact of the fall. With every last bit of willpower he had left, Alhaitham slowly stumbled towards Kaveh, picking him up and gently looking at him, carefully carrying his frail body.
Kaveh's face looked calm, relaxed, peaceful and almost happy. His lips were slightly parted, frozen in an eternal smile. His ruby-coloured eyes were closed, he looked almost as if he was sleeping, if it weren't for the blood splatters all over the ground and his face.
Carefully, he carried Kaveh back to Sumeru, whispering apologies and pleas for him to come back, to make it all turn out as a joke.
He couldn't believe it.
He didn't want to believe it.
He brought Kaveh to the hospital, where they only confirmed that he was dead. As a final farewell, Alhaitham gave Kaveh a long, soft kiss on the forehead.
"I love you too", he whispered, his voice trembling.
Then, he turned around and walked down the streets, blood on his clothes and a cold, hard look on his face.
Everyone who met him that day didn't even dare to look twice.
When he came back home, Alhaitham sat down on the sofa.
He didn't cry.
He couldn't.
He just curled up under the blanket, trying to remember all of the details about Kaveh's face.
A little, sad sigh escaped his lips.
What he didn't know was that the ghost of his loved one was sitting next to him.
What he didn't know was that said ghost was gently smiling at him.
What he didn't know was that said ghost was whispering: "I love you... and I am in a better place now, please... don't... drown in your sadness... like I did."
But he felt like he wasn't alone, and that was strangely comforting.
Alhaitham knew that he would never feel alone again.
He felt like Kaveh was home, although he wasn't and never would be in the future, but Alhaitham didn't really care about that.
It was just about the feeling.
"Kaveh..."