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They were in bed together, relaxing and panting in the afterglow, when Eli first noticed them.
“What are these?” He asked, lightly tracing the marks on Thrawn’s stomach. The sheets were tangled around their feet, leaving them both completely bare and visible. He could feel Thrawn shiver under his touch.
Thrawn looked down at his stomach, his glowing eyes the only strong light in the room. His face was blank. “Muscle stretch marks”
“Hmm” Eli ran a single finger down the biggest. It was a large line of cracked flesh running down the side of his abdomen. The little lines were a dark violet. As he noticed one, he began to notice more. Thrawn watched in silence as Eli marked out each one. Eli loved becoming familiar with Thrawn’s body in every way possible.
Then Thrawn leaned down to kiss him, and Eli forgot all about the marks for years.
“I need to ask you something, Admiral” Eli hesitated in her doorway after his dismissal. He held his questis tightly.
The Chiss Admiral hadn’t been welcoming to him. She was cold and brusque, much like Thrawn, but without that familiar comfort. Ar’alani did not seem convinced of having him on her ship, and she was not afraid of making that plan. Eli did not feel comfortable confiding in her. There was a chance she would dismiss him from her presence instantly. But he couldn’t push this down any longer.
Ar’alani sat down at her desk and flicked her hands impatiently. “Go on, but make it quick”
Eli approached the desk. He cleared his throat. He stood with his hands tightly clasped behind his back.
She raised an arched eyebrow at him. “Well?”
The words were stuck and he didn’t know how to force them out coherently but he knew he had to- “Navigator Vah’nya” He stopped, his jaw clicking.
Ar’alani had a resigned look on her face.
Eli’s eyes widened. “ You know ”
“Sit down” Ar’alani said quietly.
“You know about her-”
“Sit down, Ivant” Ar’alani commanded. Eli pulled the chair towards him and sat down.
He leaned forward, gripping the sides of the wooden desk. “You knew who Vah’nya was already”
Vah’nya had turned around to greet him and Eli could scarcely breathe. It was his face. All of it. The line of her jaw, her nose, the shape of her eyes. Even the way she held herself was so frighteningly familiar. It was all Thrawn.
Ar’alani looked at him scornfully. “Of course I know, Ivant. Do you think I am some fool?”
“I mean- I just, I don’t understand” Eli could feel the rush of heat to his face and the fearful rise of tears which he quickly blinked away.
“I am going to need you to get a hold of yourself, this behaviour is completely unacceptable-”
Oh yes, it was his behaviour that is unacceptable. “I am sorry but this isn’t some small thing, ma’am, Thrawn never mentioned this or hinted towards it, not once, never once thought to mention that he had a child , and I-”
“And you seem enraged at the fact Thrawn lied to you, despite the fact that Thrawn is just a friend?” Ar’alani glared at him and Eli felt cold. “ Hmm ? By your own admission, and his”
Eli fell silent. “We’re…”
Ar’alani held up one long blue hand. “Whatever you are, I do not want to hear it. What I do not know doesn’t hurt me”
“Of course, Ma’am” Eli said slowly. “I am just…confused. Me and Thrawn-” Ar’alani’s eyes flashed in warning. “-it is not insignificant”. Ar’alani was carefully looking at the wall behind him and refusing to meet his gaze.
“He didn’t tell me” Eli whispered. “Five years Ma’am. I just… I am don’t know why he didn’t tell me”
Ar’alani took a deep breath. “You are not Chiss” She paused. Ar’alani began tapping the desk in a slow rhythm. “You are not Chiss. You do not understand our culture, and you never will”
“Well-”
“You never will, Ivant. Not that it matters” She hesitated. The tapping stopped. “I do not know if I can fully impress on you the danger of having a child unmarried. It is not simply frowned upon or forbidden. It is unspeakable”
“Where did Vah’nya go, was she raised a sky-walker?”
Ar’alani shook her head. “I do not know, Thrawn never told me”
“And who is the other parent-”
“Thrawn never told me,” Ar’alani said firmly. She reached over the table and grabbed his hand. Her grip was iron. Nails bit into the flesh of Eli’s wrist. He refused to wince. “Do you not understand? He never told me. He never told me, he never told you. I learned from her face, the same as you”
“ Oh ” Eli whispered.
“We are who he is closest to in this world and neither of us knew of this. Does that impress upon you the dangers of this situation? The danger if we dared mention this to anyone ever but each other? You want Thrawn to come back and be safe, do you not?”
Eli exhaled. “I won’t tell a soul-”
Ar’alani’s eyes were scorching. “Understand this, Ivant. I look out for her. But you cannot expect me to do more, and neither can you. I will not see any special treatment towards Vah’nya, no matter what. It does not matter that she is Thrawn’s daughter. According to Chiss records she isn’t and never will be” A small trickle of blood ran down Eli’s wrist. Ar’alani’s jaw twitched and she let go. “Is that all, Ivant?”
Eli nodded minutely. He wiped his wrist on his trousers.
Ar’alani settled back into her chair.
Tap tap tap . “Would you like to take a cup of chai with me, Ivant?”
“Yes please, Ma’am” Eli whispered.
Ar’alani gestured to the desk opposite. “You do not want me to make it for us, Ivant, it will be terrible, I assure you”
Eli huffed weakly. “Of course Ma’am” He stood up and made the ch’ai for the both of them. They drank in silence and Eli left.
They never spoke of it again.