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“I Am Property.”
Taken in by the utmost important family in Briar Valley, Lilia Vanrouge finds himself struggling, slipping.
He is not his own person, he is a product, a defense method, a shield.
There was nothing of childhood to remember or to pass on. No love to understand. Because he is property and property cannot love. At least that is what he thought. Because all he had known was responsibility. That he was there to serve a purpose. To protect, to honor and represent the undefeatable power of the future queen. It's been conditioned to him as he was small even before he even understood the common fae language that is.
However, he failed in his duties. Death was too much of a mercy it seemed. One that the future queen had ensured of not occuring. Tasking him with something she should've lived for instead of him. Something he hates her for it. And the Senate court hates him too.
He just had a newer duty, one they couldn't pull him away so easily from.
Yet.
He learnt to accept the passing of the late Princess and the possibility of the supposed late Prince; if he truly was dead not that he knows the answer to. But he had learned to open his heart again, the support of someone who continuously called him out for his actions. Self-destructive as they were, he was ‘ some fae’.
Baul had taught him to appreciate, love and care for others. For the egg he had to hatch even. The growth of the egg was everlasting. Magic and adoration had to be given, whenever Lilia struggled Baul was there to remind him what it meant to love. It was all Lilia could give, full of doubt that his love was enough had it not been for his partner’s reassurances.
Despite the restless nights, Baul had been there to comfort and shield him. Old habits hit harder, a property had only mobility, no choice in the matter. And he sunk into old routines due to the responsibility. Nothing the crocodile fae didn't know how to handle.
So he did. Handled so well that there was no doubt on Lilia's mind for some time that is. The growth of the future heir had sprouted and everything had gone as it should. Or well, he had hoped so.
The court was still enraged with him, blamed him for the deaths of the future queen and stuck yet again waiting for the miracle; wishing him to die yet their current Queen would not dare go against her late daughter's wishes and he still wondered of that was just a mercy the late Princess just wouldn't dare grant him. Hate him so much that whenever they could wish him away, they did. Lilia began to be less and less in the castle, less and less around Baul. Malleus even.
Less and less until then his return caused too much change. The castle had changed. Not sure for the better or the worse. Lilia found himself estranged. The rooms were changed the only room left untouched had been his own and even then contained things he had no recollection of. Gifts that were meant for him, gifts that were stored so well he cried for days. The gifts presented from the late Princess and her husband were all his properties. All meant for him. No one could console him. And for once they had left him to grieve.
Far too busy with their own tasks to care about an insignificant fae crying. And perhaps, he was grateful for once they had turned their blind eye on him then.
Things continued to get faster, Lilia was not one to stay behind but even he found himself at a loss. Soldiers were replaced, married off even. Those that didn't find a partner immediately, would find them eventually of course they would return once their family was set after all, what higher honor was to serve your country?
What strangled him had been the unsaid rule between fae kind in Briar Valley. You couldn't marry someone out of your fae forebears. So it fell on him to question it. Question, search the books, seek for any answer anyone could speak of. Yet… recollection had been that no one would. The Queen would shut it down, the late Princess would refuse and the late Prince had nothing to say. Or well nothing he could say to help that is.
Old maids and servants had taken a vow of silence.
Yet perhaps he didn't have to marry to be with Baul. Why worry if he would be just fine? They never discussed marriage and they didn't need such a thing—
“Lilia, I need to discuss something with you.” Had been the way Baul had started things right after a long needed yet tight embrace between the two. They were at the lake they had first connected. Lilia had been looking forward to this night, just a time away from the castle and responsibilities to be with Baul instead. To finally feel like he can catch up and continue to stay within the thread of time. Where they both could let out some steam should they need it. He wonders where their usual forehead kiss was. Perhaps Baul had wished to reserve it for later.
“...I'll be marrying someone else.” His world crashed completely, mouth agape. Whatever hue was on his face before had drained until he resembled less and less of the hint of a happy man he had become. Heart had sank, life had stopped and once again nothing was worth living for. Baul didn't look much better, his eyes never met his own, voice was pained, destroyed even. What he first had thought to be exhaustion of such hard work had been exhaustion from such a heavy decision.
“...what?” Lilia's voice was gentle, his shoulders lowering. If anything, Baul had wished he had gotten angry. Had thrown a fit of some kind instead of his gentler reaction; that every reaction Lilia was giving him was different. When he meets his eyes, they're on Lilia's hair almost immediately. The highlights were reflecting his emotions, he wondered about it for a bit. It's a shade Baul doesn't recognize.
What the younger fae had been carrying had dropped, spilled even. “...Did I do something wrong?” His voice was quiet, heart restrained. His lungs were filling with ache and the oxygen they breath felt like a toxin he should get rid of. He needs to breathe, he wants to breathe. To wake up if this is any kind of those disastrous dreams created by the court to torment him and punish him–
Had he done something shameful?
Had he not done everything right?
He had always nagged the late Princess for her public displays of affection but had learnt enough with Baul's help that it wouldn't be thrown in someone's face either. He did everything he read, heard and saw.
Was he just not doing enough?
“No. No, Lilia. Of course not, you should not—” Baul's words began to bleak his mind. Eyes stung. Shoulders were grasped as radio silence went through him. Centuries of progression felt like they had vanished in thin air. Golden eyes widened as the light of the ruby eyed began to dim. It was like looking at Lilia 200 years ago. He had destroyed what he had managed to bring to Lilia's eyes.
The truth was that Lilia understood the truth of it, he knew about it. Faes in Briar Valley would continue their strong genetics with the same species. Enough that even powerful clans still existed in this land. But no one could tell what Lilia was. What a Vanrouge was.
So he came to be alone again in a country he wasn't welcomed in. Yet brought and raised with the clear cut of his origins, roots and family. Where he would spend the rest of his life in some form of solitude.
After all, a property had no heart but to play the role given. A caretaker, a guard, a knight, a commander, general, a product.
He was simply unworthy. Unworthy of it all. The perfect pawn to continue to use. So it was better to close the heart. It had been better not to learn anything from the heart.
It didn't matter what else had Baul said. The pleas of forgiveness, the way Baul immediately knew what it meant for Lilia. How any comfort method just failed. Just how Lilia had accepted it so quickly… Everything that Baul wished him not to do.
And yet they both came to agree to pretend nothing happened. That night, Lilia didn't return to his quarters. Remained by the lake that seemed to beckon his ugly emotions. The request to be left alone had been heed by the older fae after a moment of doubt.
Lilia had to accept it.
He accepted it.
“I Am a Mutt.”
A mutt couldn't love. It's as simple as that. Not a love that could carry for years. That much he had to accept when Baul and him had to separate their relationship. It hurt yet didn't mean he had lost his own feelings for Baul. There was no way for him to.
But a mutt like him, mixed faes’ DNA, couldn't find another to love. He was the perfect single product destined to serve forever. How wonderful .
Others would probably opinionated that it was a cruel thing to had invite him to the wedding of his past lover with another. But Lilia had sought it to be a day of a role, after all he had always been invited to others weddings where he still wore his stuffy armor, displayed his title as unwavering. Though, the bride clearly didn't like him, (not that he liked her either). So he didn't remain long after the reception had been over. Much better for the bride, for Selene. Which meant Baul could have an enjoyable time and for him, a moment of solitude to drown those ugly emotions. Another perfect time for the court to leave him alone. It was just perfect.
Though Selene would show up just as often as Lilia attempted to avoid her, avoid Baul even. He made it clear enough to. So why did she keep showing up when he would leave just as soon as Baul would arrive?
Selene didn't like him and he didn't like her either, that much both knew. He knew he was jealous. But so had she, not that he understood what for. She had the perfect husband, loyal, determined and strong after all. He couldn't even object at her wedding, how would he dare try to steal Baul now?
He quietly huffed when he heard her come in. He wasn't near Baul so what did she come for? He had been playing with a young Malleus who had only started to take a more human form. His hair was still held in a high ponytail and the two were playing a small game on the floor.
He didn't bother turning to look at her, yet he softly even kindly greeted her. His eyes and attention focused on Malleus, playing with him and his assortment of wooden toys. He didn't want to upset him for turning his attention away, after all the prince’s ire was no joke.
Another series of footsteps seemed to be rushing stopping at every room. Lilia's ears were sharp so they tensed up as he grabbed Malleus protectively, admittedly confusing the small child who trusted his guardian, he'll surely apologize to Malleus later yet his instincts were far too alarmed. His heart sped up, which caused Malleus to hush down. It wasn't the only time his heart got like this.
When the door opened, he heard the slashing of something as curtains of strands dropped around him and Baul's voice shouted at his wife. A chill ran down his spine, the way he shouted could only signify something terrible.
Had he done something terrible?
His hair dropped from its high ponytail. He stares at the ribbon on the floor that keeps his hair up. It has a gentle amber tone.
He turned his head to stare at Selene. Pale even at how she held a lump of his ponytail, a dagger of his own in her hands. How did she get it? His eyes were smaller than normal as his hand touched his hair. Malleus' hand grasping at his attire. Pleading for him. He was just too quiet.
“Hm.. Truth or dare?” Baul asks him.
“Truth.” Lilia threw a rock at the lake. Baul considers his question before picking at Lilia's hair. Had he been someone else, he knows his hand wouldn't have remained. “What's with your long hair? I mean… is there a reason you keep it so long?”
Lilia turned to look at Baul. Expression changing as he realizes what he meant. Yet dull red eyes stared at his golden ambers. “The princess… Meleanor told me where I come from we aren't allowed to cut our hair, only our parents are able. To cut it would mean disgracing them. Or so she says. And well since it's the only thing I have in terms of remembering them…”
“It's better to honor the tradition. I understand.” Baul nods, not needing Lilia to finish. It had been important enough that even the court had not punished him by cutting his hair. Perhaps that was Malleficia’s doing.
Lilia's heart leaped as he felt his long hair had become short. The woman he avoided, his past lover that he avoided fighting over the importance of it. His shock had scared Malleus, the change in appearance had scared him so much he began to cry which in term made Lilia's tears come.
“It's just hair!” Selene shouted.
“It's hair to you, Selene! How could you do that to him?! He hasn't done anything to serve that! You have disgraced his family!”
“What family? He's nothing but an abandoned orphan!”
Lilia snatched his dagger from her hands. Tackling her. Eyes seeing red as he cut her hair continuously until Baul managed him to get off. “Is it still just hair to you?!” Lilia snarled at her, fighting against Baul.
He pushed Baul before he left to console Malleus in his room. He had made a mess of her hair, nothing that Baul could blame him for, he knew he wouldn't. But it didn't make it right. So his heart sets him to think Baul blames him for it. It's easier that way.
So he told Malleus that doing as he did was not good. He made sure the kind and little heir knew not to let his emotions get the best of him. Malleus nodded understanding and they soon resumed to play. He let Malleus do as he wanted, even by trying to tie his hair in some way to comfort the older fae.
Once Malleus had reached age that he didn't need the continuous support of Lilia, he had abandoned the quarters that the castle retained for him, the cage that had been those quarters. His hair never grew again and Lilia had stopped attempting to care for it as it was useless to continue attempting. The first few attempts of Baul approaching him had met with him slamming the door to his face. Attempts in the market were met with him immediately paying and leaving. Teleporting if you would.
He heard Baul and Selene began to argue more often which only came to Selene coming to his home and threatening him. House a mess, things he had gathered destroyed saved for some heirlooms left by the late Princess and her husband, Levan. So he too abandoned the home for a new one.
He had accepted many things and being together with whom he wanted would never occur. After all, he wasn't really important after all. The court had made him swear to retire. Even if at first he had left the castle, it originally wasn't meant to be for long.
I Am … “What am I?”
Selene had left him alone for good. And Baul had less chances of coming to him, especially having not known where he was. That is until he began to foster Silver. His small surroundings with Baul's daughter was probably the only reason why Baul had come to his door. At first Lilia had closed the door again to his face, to care for the startled boy. He hadn't meant to wake him up.
Yet Baul continued to remain.
He was stubborn. How awful .
No one would look at Baul weird should he stay outside, so he stayed. It took all night for Lilia to open the door the moment Silver had settled to rest. Brows knitted. The cold weather would cause something, sickness probably not so severe for a crocodile fae like Baul but still would do him terrible disservice.
“What do you want, Lord Zigvolt?”
“Lilia…”
“You're going to freeze. Go home.” Lilia crossed his arms. “Before your wife comes and kills everything I cultivated now.” He has a lot to care for now. He even started to garden for Silver. To try to learn to cook even, despite the disservice his taste buds do him.
“Please let me talk.” Baul still meets his eyes. Lilia's eyes mirror his, they show more light. Baul can only thank whomever was responsible for it. Perhaps the prince.
Lilia stayed quiet. Considering his options. “No… if Selene realizes you found me, she'll find me and I'm taking care of a small human boy. What is it to say she won't harm him?”
“She won't… A human boy?” Baul raises a brow, Lilia is not raising a fae child but a child of man. A child of human descent who had taken things from Lilia yet his heart could not change could it? Perhaps it was Baul's own doing.
“How can you be so sure?” Lilia's arms cross, and the way he shifts to guard the door can only tell him that Selene had done more than he had known. He frowns at the thought.
“Because… she passed away.” Baul hesitates a bit. He wonders if this is even news he should know of. Would Lilia even felt relieved that one of his torments couldn't reach him again?
Lilia falters, falls quiet even at first. “... She's dead? She has… passed?” Lilia pauses even hesitates, face faltering more as he tries to think of what to say until Baul gains his attention back.
Baul nods, slowly. “I'm sorry for everything, Lilia. What else has Selene done that I am not aware of… Please forgive my blindness, General.”
The fae doesn't know what to say, his eyes moving a bit until he hears the flickering of the fireplace. “I am not your General anymore.... Come inside.” He lets Baul in. Both of them sit down on the couch, staring at the fireplace in pure silence.
“Your hair— never grew enough.” Lilia replies softly not needing him to finish, not being bothered by it. “I stopped bothering. I didn't have a connection to my parents anyway. Never knew them so she was right. It's… just hair . Did Selene’s hair ever grew back?”
“It wasn't just hair , Lili. That hair had more memories than the ones you could recall. That of your parents. But… yes it did. It served her as a lesson.”
“It doesn't matter anymore.” Lilia replies plainly.
“Stop saying that.” Baul placed his hand over Lilia's who slowly pulled his hand away, almost hesitantly; Baul didn't miss his hesitation. “Why are you here? Are you… dying? Is that it?” Lilia doesn't know if he can stomach knowing Baul was dying.
“No. No. I… I think we both have a lot to say.” Baul placed his hands on his lap. Lilia looked at him slightly, brow raised. “I know you still love me. I still love you, Lilia.”
“I…don't want to hear it. We aren't allowed to.. I'm not allowed to.” Lilia shook his head, panic begins to surface. He could already tell where this was going. Baul's daughter had told him the same, she had married a human and was doing fine—
“I'm widowed. No one will—”
“Everyone will think badly of you if you don't take your time.” Lilia tries to shut it down again. There's far too much to fear. He has to shut it down.
“Mng… is there any way to…”
Lilia frowns. “Baul… Baba, I am being reduced from my magic… I don't know for how long I'll live and if I live enough I would rather be able to raise Silver with however much time I have. I am fleeting away. Find someone else. Someone no one would care about enough to talk behind your back.” Baul knows Lilia means something more than what he is saying. He can tell Lilia's hiding far more.
“Lilia, listen to me.” Lilia didn't look at him, but he didn't have to. The way his ear shifted tells him that Lilia is paying attention to his words. “I never stopped caring, nor loving you. I will not disagree that I too loved Selene in my own way and that she too loved me. But there was never an edge of doubt of my love for you. And if the time, if fate, so wishes to cut your time sooner then I understand that.” Baul looks over Lilia who slowly turns to look at him. “But that will not stop me from caring for you. Nor love you.”
Lilia surprises him by frowning. A sign that only means something is aspiring in that mind of his. And it's only when a cry begins that Lilia is up from the couch and by the door to his room in seconds. Baul doesn't follow. He doesn't need to, as the other far walks in with the child within his arms. Already feeling content in being in the arms of Lilia. He must've missed Lilia's embrace. His grandkids were just the same.
It's only when Baul sees the ring, sharing a worried look toward Lilia. There's a hidden conversation. Baul now wonders if Lilia has put himself in further danger. No. He has already put himself in further danger should anyone find out. So Baul understands why he continuously tried to shut him down. Even if he wanted to be with Baul, he knew it would be the child before his feelings. He had done the very same with Prince Malleus.
“It's not his fault…. He's just a little babe, Baul. Look at him… It's not his fault.” Lilia tries to reason. Baul knows he doesn't need to. The biological father had been the primary reason Lilia still stood, cared even for the egg he had to securely escape with.
“How? His father is…”
“Unfortunately dead. But his mother, whom is too sadly, had the day faes cast a spell and I found him when the spell was running thin.”
“Running thin? What was it?”
“He'll… wake up when someone whom will love him will come.”
“Lilia. I do not think it has… No nevermind.” Baul shakes his head. Even if he says it, he knows Lilia would not take it as a truth. He would not accept that the spell had actually been dispelled because he showed up. “What is his name?” Baul questions. Calling that child, now in Lilia's care just a human boy wasn't his wish.
“He didn't had one… so I gave him one, Silver, blessed him with the night as well.”
“Is that why his hair isn't as radiant as sunlight?” Which meant he was safer this way. No one could recognize his trace.
“Yes.” Lilia sits down next to him. Even if Lilia rejected his instincts against humans, he had always been someone who cared for someone so heartedly, roo strongly. So instead Baul guides his hands to securely hold Silver. “He's in good hands.” Baul assures Lilia.
“You really think so?” The younger fae looks at him. It's the glow of light in his eyes that Baul's heart softens to. That makes him silently vow to ensure this thing, no this child isn't taken from Lilia. If he can ensure something then it would be Silver's life with Lilia remaining just as that, together. So that the light remains.
Baul smiles at him, leaning to press his forehead against the side of Lilia's head. “Of course. You have raised such a kind prince. Who is to say you will not do the same to Silver? Silver Vanrouge.”
“I wouldn't know about giving him the Vanrouge name.” Lilia softly admits, defeated. “He is… not mine after all. If he chooses to remain with me… even once he knows that he and I aren't the same then it would be his decision.”
“Lilia.. then you must not get attached when you are mistakenly doing so already… You will be his choice. I am sure of it. You have already bestowed him a name.” He tries to keep his tone down, to not arouse Silver to wake up or to upset Lilia in any way. Yet they're entering upsetting grounds, Baul knows.
“If he doesn't choose me, even if I have taken an attachment to him as you say. I will accept it.”
Baul frowns, pulling Lilia closer. The younger fae doesn't even fight it yet both look down on the small human babe who's eyes just seem to glow. Baul smiles softly, not showing his teeth but to watch Silver look at Lilia with such adoration that perhaps he understands what Lilia means. Their bond does not require them to be blood related. He doesn't think Lilia would've handled it as well had it been that way.
Baul continued to come occasionally, dropping things his daughter and the shameful son in law had gathered for Lilia. From their understanding, Lilia and Silver should be back from their many trips. In search of a cure or remedy for the sleeping spells the young boy faces. He hopes they found one at least.
Though, he supposed Lilia has been just about the same or perhaps more brooding of being unable to find a solution. The ring had been put away, Baul actually hadn't seen it since the first time he had seen Silver and perhaps it was for the better.
Though he wonders if Lilia has misplaced such an important part of Silver… No. Perish the thought, Lilia would not dare to. So perhaps it was placed somewhere easy to find.
The arrival to the cabin in the woods only shows that it's suddenly too sunny this time around. So he wouldn't be finding Lilia so easy if he's outside. Many animals run past him as a little boy goes chasing them.
At the sight of the man, Silver stops smiling at him. The laughter quiets down and rustling is heard. Baul kneels down to Silver's height, there's an eerie feeling washing over him so he moves his hand to caress the child’s head having his gaze be on the grass beneath them. A dagger flies just above Baul's head, struck into a tree. The crocodile fae stares at it at first before he pulls it out. He had alarmed Lilia surely.
“Baul!” Lilia huffs. Panic vanishes from his expression the moment he sees Baul and Silver together.
“Lilia, I see you are still just as strong. Welcome back.”
“Dear me. You scared me. I thought something happened to Silver.”
“Toto!” Lilia kneels down to pick up Silver. He boops his nose as he causes Silver to laugh. “I was just putting laundry up, what are you here for?” Baul walks up to him, holding a bag. “My daughter asked me to bring this to you.” Lilia's smell is still good so he knows it's food. Perhaps for Silver's well being. He'll have to thank her later.
“Did she or did you ask to have a reason to see me?” Lilia laughs as he leads Baul to where he was, placing the laundry. Baul uses his magic to finish the job of hanging the clothes, moving the laundry under the sun. He knows Lilia would fuss had Silver seen, yet the small boy is far more entertained by his father who returned such affection to the small boy. The attachment is stronger now.
“I of course came to see the two of you.” Baul sets down the bags by the spare door. Sitting down besides him. Lilia softly talks to Silver about not leaving his line of sight as he goes right back to playing. The two watch Silver play with the animals.
“You should have him play with my daughters kids.”
“Hmm… I would but she's taking care of a baby and Silver's sleeping spells are not something a child would understand. So they may think Silver doesn't want to play.”
Baul strokes Lilia's hair, combing it gently. “It may become lonely for him.”
“Do you… truly think so? Malleus comes.”
“So it is here he's sneaking to.”
“Will you tell?”
“No. Certainly not. He comes to see you and it's you. Where else would he be safe if it's outside the castle? Telling them would mean far too many problems for the prince, your prince and yourself. Far too many risks.” Baul explains.
Lilia stays quiet watching Silver. “Is there a reason you keep coming to see me?” Lilia turns to Baul who turns his head to look at him. He parts his mouth to say something before Lilia vanishes from his side to catch Silver before carrying him inside. Besides him, there's no trace of magic so this sudden disappearance had not been via magic but Lilia's own pace.
After settling Silver on the bed after soft and gentle attempts to wake him up fail, Lilia sits in the kitchen with Baul. In their hands brewed tea. Which Baul had insisted on brewing despite the cabin kitchen not being anywhere big enough for his height. Lilia notes to increase the height of the cabin. Though Baul knows a cup of tea is the least Lilia could truly do.
“As I was saying… I come to see you out of my own wish to.”
“Baul… Rumors will spread. No one even knows I live here. Except of course your daughter and Malleus.”
“They will not. I take the route from behind my home into the forest to come here.”
“That's…” Lilia's words die, there's no rebuttal he can give.
“Everything is taken into precaution. I know how much he means to you, Lilia.” Baul assures him.
Quiet footsteps are ignored as Lilia and Baul continue to talk. At some point Baul holds Lilia's hands, stroking them with his thumb.
“Are you going to kiss toto?”
Both adults turn to look at Silver in surprise. Lilia blushes as Baul lets go of his hands. “Silver, come here. Did you just woke up?” Silver walks over, sitting next to Lilia, staring intently at Baul. A new purpose brewing in the small boy. “Kiss.” Lilia is truly astonished, Silver wasn't a boy of demands nor big words yet but had known to say his wants and needs occasionally.
“Silver, demanding a kiss is not becoming of you.” Lilia tells him. There's no true scolding, which only means Lilia is amused himself at this new side of Silver.
“What if I do want to?” Baul asks Lilia. Which only makes Silver excited. “Don't encourage that behavior—” Lilia turns to look at Baul whom had leaned in to kiss him. Baul leans closer knocking the cup of tea across the table, Lilia's mind shuts down to enjoy the kiss. Its only when he hears Silver squeak that he pulls away and pulls Silver away from the table as he realizes the cup Baul had knocked had been his own.
“Silver, did you burn yourself? Let me see?”
Baul apologies as he begins to clean the table and floor from the tea. Lilia relaxes once he realizes Silver had only panicked when he was the one who got burnt. The kiss had been so distracting that he hadn't realized.
After everything was cleaned they moved to the living room where Silver settled into playing with some of the toys they brought back meanwhile Baul sits with Lilia. They softly talk about how they should continue their relationship. Which they end it without a certain conclusion but at the very least he is able to kiss Lilia again. This time Silver doesn't interrupt, nor does anything but their love spills. Baul's holding Lilia close. The petite man only has his arms around Baul. Their kiss has left them wanting more but Baul has already spent too much time at Lilia's place. So he bids them well and leaves.
So Lilia stands by the door watching him go, his body tingles with the memory of Baul holding him and kissing him. It's only when Silver comes to hug his leg that he snaps out of it. Though his mind continues to wonder about Baul.
“Are you alright, toto?”
“Toto is just fine. I am alright.” Lilia gazes back to where Baul had left before he picks up Silver. Kissing his face as the young child begins to giggle. “I am truly happy, don't you see?” He laughs with the child.