Chapter Text
1. Rookie Mistake
Lucy
Lucy had stupidly thought this day couldn’t get any worse.
The morning had been fairly easy, almost boring but she would never say that out loud. Then they had a call for domestic violence at a local cafe and after that the calls just flooded in. Attempted robbery; vandalism; shoplifting; possession; and a surplus of other random crimes that kept her busy and on her feet. They hadn’t even stopped for breakfast or lunch.
In her defence, she hadn’t said today was a good day, or a quiet shift or any of the other superstitious phrases cops had. She hadn’t even said ‘this day couldn’t get any worse’ out loud. She had only thought about it.
Office Bradford would probably blame her though. Everything was her fault these days. Which in fairness was true, considering she kept making mistakes but she also wasn’t even 6 months into her rookie year.
Perhaps that’s why she made yet another rookie mistake.
Less of a rookie-officer mistake and more of a rookie-woman mistake. Though a psychology seminar on the use of the word ‘woman’ instead of ‘people who get periods’ comes to mind. Though Bradford doesn't look like he would care about her internal apology to women past menopause, infertile women, trans women and young girls who had yet to find out the hell of periods.
But this was, quite frankly, a stupid mistake on her part.
Lucy had been so caught up with her new job, surviving a shooting and saving her TO, changing TOs, making a thousand mistakes, dealing with Bradford’s wife and then breaking up with Nolan that she had forgotten to check her calendar.
In truth she was relieved. With the aforementioned stress on her plate her period had been a little… irregular these past 4 months. At least it also meant no baby Nolan for her to panic about either. They had broken up weeks ago but, well, like she said, her period was irregular. So she hadn’t wanted to stress herself out with tests and hospital visits.
And hiding in the sand is always a good skill to keep on hand.
But in all of that she had completely forgotten about what would happen if she got her period while on duty.
If you’ve not planned ahead then you’re behind. And probably dead in an alley.
Lucy shudders as Bradford’s voice comes to her unbidden. His orders and lessons were seeping into her everyday life and though she appreciated hearing his instructions she didn’t need to hear it when she was off duty and entering a cafe with her TO telling her to check for all exits.
And then once she sat down in the cafe always having to sit facing the door because do you want to be shot in the back of the head boot.
Because of course she could be paranoid about everything job related but not about her personal life. She had tried to use those planners, sticking in coloured dots when she got her period and when she was due but she’d forget after the first time of filling it out.
Then Rachel had suggested the tracker app which she uses. But her new job meant there was literally nothing to track and her period was even harder to predict. God she misses those university days when her body worked like clockwork and she had her bag with her.
There was no way in hell Bradford would let her keep a ‘makeup bag’ in the shop. No personal talk let alone personal items for vanity. Well, he would probably scorn her for not taking better care of her health but it wasn’t like she was going to tell her training officer that she got her period.
No, it would be fine and she would handle it herself.
At which point a cramp twists low in her abdomen and she’s suddenly aware of the growing wetness between her legs. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. She can’t bleed through her clothes. They’re dark enough to hide the stain but she can’t get the shop covered in her blood.
Lucy inhales sharply, freezing as she feel’s Bradford watch her from the corner of his eye. It’s an effort to keep her hands relaxed by her sides. To not clench them as she slowly exhales through the pain.
Hilariously, and seconds before Lucy can suggest a lunch break, they’re attached to a call for a woman going into labour at her prenatal pilates class. Which is certainly a good way for life to remind Lucy to be grateful for the plus side.
The call is simple enough and they hang around for the EMTs to arrive. Lucy is down on the floor with the pregnant woman, holding her hand and keeping her calm while Bradford heads down to get the EMTs up the two flights of stairs.
Which is a ridiculous amount of stairs for women trying to get to a prenatal class.
Lucy eyes the door Tim left through warily before checking that the pregnant woman was doing okay for the moment. She clears her throat, catching the room's attention easily since they were already watching the drama unfolding.
“One of you wouldn’t happen to have a tampon?”
She was answered by chuckles and one irritated ‘I wish I needed them’ from the woman in labour. Lucy sighs, cursing her shit planning and luck. Thankfully the older woman running the group had a pack of Tylenol that she told Lucy to keep.
Lucy thanked the woman profusely before jogging out to the shop. She popped what was quite possibly a pill more than necessary into her palm before reaching for her water bottle. The cold water offered more immediate relief than the pills but she only had to wait 20 minutes or so before they would kick in.
Unless Bradford made her life hell. Which was a major possibility considering he was storming back over to her and had definitely seen her down a bunch of pills. Lucy expects him to bring it up, to be nosy and pester her. Then she remembers this is Officer ‘no personal talk’ she’s riding with. She fights the urge to be irritated with his lack of care. Reminding herself that she’s being irrational and that it’s better for Bradford to not ask questions.
It’s easier to handle the cramps once they’re back in the shop and patrolling their beat. The Tylenol had finally kicked in and Lucy was able to answer the next to following calls with minimal discomfort. For once she was grateful that it was the second day when she bled the most as she still hadn’t found an opportunity to get tampons.
Lucy feels herself grow quieter. She had managed to keep up a semi decent chatter after the cramps died down. It was nowhere near her normal levels of conversation but she hoped it was enough to keep Bradford from asking questions. If he notices her going quiet he doesn’t say anything.
A flash of bitter anger rises as she realises that he was probably enjoying the peace and quiet. He no doubt doesn't want to mention it in case he breaks the mystical magical spell of her pain.
But the shifts and a rush of wetness between her legs have her wincing. Lucy can feel an embarrassed flush fill her face as Bradford glances at her. Clearly he heard her intake of breath.
That or he just has eyes.
She knows she’s gone completely still but her uniform would get soaked and so would the shop. God this was so stupid. So utterly unfair and humiliating. The only thing she can do is slowly exhale in an attempt to control her panic.
Jesus she hadn’t felt this anxious since her college finals. She had always had bad anxiety as a kid, a trait that was only exacerbated by the hormone imbalance caused by her period. That would really top her day off.
Her eyes were definitely burning with tears and she cursed herself. This truly would be a finish to her day. An emotional breakdown in front of a superior officer, her boss, Tim fucking Bradford of all people. She could have said something if it was Lopez or Bishop. They would have understood but Bradford?
God the thought of bringing this up around him was humiliating. It had shame curling in her gut for even appearing to be anything along the lines of weak and overly feminine. He hated weakness and mistakes, this covered both of them.
“What was the name of the shop we just passed?” Bradford demands, not taking his eyes off the road.
Lucy stutters, not even forming a sentence as panic begins to claw at her throat. She couldn’t handle a Tim Test, not right now. Not when she was verging on tears. Or maybe it was a panic attack. Lucy isn’t sure what’s worse. One is an emotional breakdown and the other is a trip to the police therapist and potential reason to wash her out of the training program.
“How about the road we’re on?” Oh he’s pissed, he sounds really angry.
Lucy clenches her hands, desperate to stop them from going numb. Pins and needles had already set in as the blood flow left her extremities in the wake of her panic. No, she had to stop this.
Just focus, she begged herself, just answer the question.
Bradford asks her something else but she can’t hear him, not as a roaring overtakes her. It’s all she can hear, all she can feel as her stomach clenches. She might be hunching over, or maybe gripping onto something but she’s definitely not breathing.
She can’t.
There’s no air getting into her lungs and her chest begins to burn.
Lucy can’t feel anything, nothing but the pain building her chest. She gets the distant impression of the car stopping. Of a voice washing over her but she can’t hear.
Fuck. fuck.
She needs to pull herself together. But her ears are ringing now and their something prying at the hands clasps over her ears.
Bradfor is next to her. When did he get right next to her? He shouldn’t be this close, and certainly not on her left. He’s saying something, the words distorted and too loud for the situation they’re in. Shut up . She wants to scream. Or maybe cry.
The hands stop trying to pull at hers, instead covering them, helping to block out the sound. Lucy flinches, rearing back and she vaguely registers Bradford unbuckling her seat belt. At some point she’d turned, leaning her side against the seat instead of her back. Her feet struggle for purchase and her stomach leaps into her throat as she pitches forward, no longer able to maintain her curled up position.
Lucy can’t focus, can hardly feel anything around herself even as something helps her curl back up.
Dissociating. A coping mechanism.
One she had read about at university but had truly learned about during High School.
Not that this knowledge helped her in any way since she was still shaking, positively trembling. There was no use hiding it, not when she was apparently curled up, knees close to her chest, hands resting on top of her knees in full view of her training officer.
The one who was staring at her with surprisingly worried eyes. Lucy could feel something twist in her chest, something that had her exhaling sharply, clenching her jaw as it took every bit of strength to push back and to tug away from him.
Not that Tim let her. He just mouthed more words that she couldn’t hear. Just shuffled closer and tugged her back down into her curled up position. Further. He was trying to get her head between her knees.
Classic police training. She belated realised that her feet were partially resting on his chest. In her attempt to find purchase and curl up she had pressed against him. Used him as a fucking footstool. God he was going to have a field day with this.
But Bradford was still tugging her down. Removing one hand from covering hers, a movement that left her surprisingly cold, as he grabbed the back of her vest to help shuffle her closer to the edge of her seat.
Feet planted firmly on the ground, Lucy let her head drop between her knees, her arms resting on her thighs but still covering her ears.
Bradford still had one hand covering hers but the other was somewhere on her back. He was curled over her she realised, hunched over her body protectively as if he could shield her from this.
His methods might have been working since she was beginning to feel her limbs well enough for pins and needles to set in. The remnants of yet another coping mechanism.
It wasn’t the school counsellor but the psychology class this time that told her pins and needles were a survival technique. Apparently her body thought that she was quite literally dying, in an injured way. Therefore blood flow was prioritised to central organs and not extremities.
So… pins and needles.
It had her flexing her hand, fingers moving and twitching. Enough that Tim managed to grip the hand he was covering, prying it back enough that she could finally hear what he was saying.
“-it’s okay, there you go, boot.” He murmured from somewhere above her head. “Keep breathing, you’re doing really good.”
For a second Lucy panics, surprised by the sound of his voice. She jerks back, trying to escape his grasp but only manages to hit the door frame.
“Woah! Breathe Lucy, it's me, Tim.”
Lucy attempts to stand, a fawn struggling to pull her legs under herself. But those arms pull her back down, keeping her settled in place.
“Hey, hey, I’m sorry,” He murmurs, voice trailing off as he curls back over. “I shouldn’t have shouted.”
She moans, a feeble little trembling sound as she tries to speak.
“Shhh,” He sounds hurt himself. “I’m sorry Lucy, I shouldn’t have scared you. I was too harsh.”
She flinches a little, blood flow returns to her right hand creating a cramping agony that has her biting off a gasp. It’s the hand Tim is holding and she tries to jerk away from him, desperate to remove the pressure causing her pain.
“I know, I know.” He all but whimpers against the top of her head. “I’m so sorry. So sorry, Lucy.”
Why was he sorry?
There's a hand on her back, rubbing in smooth circles. She vaguely registers that her arms have dropped from her ears and are holding around something.
“Tim?” She croaks out, voice thick and the circles on her back pause.
“I’m here.” Lucy struggles to rise, faltering enough that she starts to panic again. “It’s okay, stay there, take a minute.”
“Tim?” Lucy whispers again, pulling back to stare at the man in bewilderment.
She looks around, taking in the abandoned car park they’re parked in. Distantly Lucy registers herself slumbing backward, leaning against the seat again. Bradford is there in seconds, propping her up as she straightens.
God her back hurts.
Curse of hunching over for god knows how long.
“Lucy,” Tim calls softly, catching her attention. “Do you know where we are?”
“We-west.” She began to mumble, looking around as she tried to place her thoughts. “Boulevard– I… I-”
What were they doing here again? She remembers there was a Tim Test and they were taking a few calls. Something to do with everything? A headache begins to build behind her eyes.
“It’s okay. Do you remember what happened?” He prompts, staring at her with a carefully guarded expression.
“We were taking calls, then it was quiet-” She tilts her head, brows scrunching in concentration. “A-a Tim Test?”
Bradford had asked her to–
Oh. Oh .
Lucy clears her throat, shifting enough so she can confirm that she did bleed through her clothes. Her face begins to burn with shame, eye watering again. Lucy avoids her TO’s gaze in an attempt to salvage anything left of her dignity.
“Hey, hey.” Tim’s voice comes out hoarse. She’d never seen him so gentle. “It’s okay, nothing to be embarrassed about. We all wobble sometimes.”
Oh sympathy was so much worse. It had one frustrated tear falling down her cheek. A tear she furiously wiped away. Lucy didn’t dare meet Tim’s gaze. Not when he was still crouched on the ground in front of her.
“I’m sorry.” Tim states suddenly and Lucy turns to him in surprise. It seems to be his turn to avoid her gaze. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”
Oh.
Oh.
His dad.
He thinks he scared her. That she panicked because of something he did. Something that his father would have done. Well now she feels like an utter bitch on top of everything.
“No,” She mumbled out, clenching her hands together and hoping the pain of digging her nails into her palms would distract from her humiliation. “It- it wasn’t you.”
“Don’t lie to me, boot.” He snaps but there's none of his usual heat to the words. “Panic attacks don’t just happen out of nowhere.”
“Don’t make me lecture you on–”
“Boot.” He admonishes, “Stop it.”
She swallows nervously.
“What triggered then,” He asks, leaning back on his haunches to give her a little space before trying to jest, “if not me?”
“I-” She flushes, moving to cover her face with her hands. “It’s not–”
“Boot.” Tim snaps and she flinches a little. “As your superior officer I need to know where your head is at.”
She nodded numbly.
“I- eh, got my period.” She grits out, not looking at him. “And I didn’t pack any stuff for it and then I got overwhelmed…”
She trails off, having reached a new all time low. God, Tim probably thought she was being pathetic.
“Why didn’t you say something?” The TO voice is back, stern but not cruel. “It’s my job to make sure you’re safe out here. That includes your health and mental state.”
Lucy nods, not saying anything and keeping her eyes tracked on the ground.
“Right, you didn’t pack anything.” She can already hear the admonishment in his voice. “There’s a pharmacy a few blocks over we can stop at.”
His bitter sigh is surprisingly comforting with the normalcy of it.
“Might as well take even more time out of shift.” He grumbles but Lucy is beyond caring at this point. “Anything else we need to handle immediately?”
She appreciates his frank detachment, treating it as any other issue. It almost made it less embarrassing. Almost.
“I… uh.”
“Spit it out, Boot.”
“I think I got blood on the seat.” Tim is silent and when she glances over at him he’s staring up at the sky in disbelief.
“Right,” He clears his throat. “There’s wipes in the spare clothes bag. You clean up the shop, I’ll go into the pharmacy and then we regroup at the cafe next door.”
She nods mutely, not wanting to cloud his mood when he’s being so generous.
“Okay,” He states, straightening up. “We’ll discuss the panic attack over lunch and I’m taking us off duty.”
That catches Lucy’s attention and has her straightening suddenly in surprise. Tim misses nothing and catches the worried look in her eyes.
“Mental health is just as important as physical health, Boot.” Tim states, rising to his feet. “I’m not letting you out in the field until I know you’re squared away.”
Lucy makes a small noise but shifts back in her seat, letting Tim close the shop door as she buckles up. They drive in silence. Awkward silence. For once Tim doesn’t look too pleased with her lack of communication.
Eventually her TO sighs, “Look, I’m sorry I freaked you out earlier.”
“You didn’t–”
“Lucy.” He cuts her off and she blinks in surprise at the use of her name. “You had a panic attack because you got overwhelmed and didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me you need help.”
“It’s–” She cuts off helplessly, making a noise of distress. “Embarrassing.”
“I was married.” He states suddenly. “And I’m friends with Lopez.”
“So? You’re still my TO and–” Lucy cuts herself off, realising she was going too far.
“And?”
She sighs, knowing Bradford wouldn’t leave it alone. He was smart enough to see there was a wider issue here.
“You don’t like personal talk.” She glances to him, hoping that would be enough.
It wasn’t.
“It’s your health.” He states, sounding more annoyed than earlier. “I’m not screwing around with your health just because you got a little embarrassed.”
“It wasn’t–” She swallows nervously, heart racing a little. She can’t say it out loud. It would upset him, she knows it would. Especially after his earlier panic over scaring her. “It’s nothing.”
Tim snorts, not bothering to say anything since he already knows she’ll cave in the silence.
She last all the way to the pharmacy till Tim parks the shop and turns to her with raised brows.
“Well?” He drawls, “Spit it out, Boot.”
“I thought you would be angry.” She whispers, looking down at her lap. “You’re… a guy’s guy. Most men don’t–”
She breaks off but Tim doesn’t force her to explain any further. He only nods, shifting in his seat so they don’t have to face each other.
Tim sighs, “C’mon Boot, I’ll buy lunch so let’s get this show on the road.”
True to his word Tim does make her talk through the panic over lunch. He’s never disrespectful or crosses the line. Hell, if anything he was supportive and was willing to spend the rest of their shift letting her rant about all stuff that had managed to go wrong in the past week outside of work.
The only thing he does is order them chocolate cake on top of their order. A move that has her gaping at him but his only response was a grumbled "Don't mention it."
The day managed to go wrong in a hundred more ways than she had expected but… well, it was nice to know Tim had her back. It made him more human and friendly, rather than her robotic training officer.
Until their next shift that is.
A/N: I do enjoy a good bit of angst so you can expect more in the upcoming chapters