Chapter 1: First Year: Alone
Chapter Text
The wind breathes lonely,
longing to be seen.
Sometimes, the soul has days like these.
~Angie Weiland-Crosby
Knightsbridge, London
Sunday - 25th July, 1971
Regulus
Growing up, Regulus always wished he had a brother or a sister, or even just a friend. At this point, he'll take anything. Unfortunately, once his parents birthed their heir, they didn't see any reason in having another child. Perhaps if he were a girl that would have been different; maybe Walburga and Orion Black wouldn't have been so proud and would have sprouted out kids until they had a boy.
But no, Regulus is a boy. And, unfortunately for him, he is also a Black.
Sometimes he wishes he weren't, though he could hardly say that out loud, let alone allow his thoughts to wander like that. It's dangerous living in the same house as Walburga on the best of days, with even your thoughts being limited to what you wouldn't mind her seeing. She is a skilled Legilimens, Regulus found out the hard way. He still has a large scar that stretches from his left shoulder blade and all the way down to his right hip, spreading and drawn like wild vines, to remind him. Never upset Walburga Black.
Regulus learnt Occlumency by the time he was eight. He still rarely does anything that could get him in trouble. It could be the fear of being caught and then punished, or it could be because even though his mother has never treated him the way a mother should her own child, he still cares what she thinks about him. He still wants her to be proud. Being a disappointment to yourself is normal - at least, Regulus thinks it is - but being a disappointment to one's own parents is an idea he loathes.
There is one thing Regulus likes to do. Something forbidden. Something he knows he shouldn't, but can't help himself. Regulus strives for the forbidden; it's something that has always been true about him. He hasn't found the reason for it yet. Just that it's completely addicting, like warm honey in tea and snow that crunches under your feet.
Whenever Regulus is feeling particularly lonely at home, he waits for his parents to sleep before sneaking out of his bedroom window and climbing down the unstable drainpipe down the front of his house, leading to the free world. He'll remain in the shadows for the distance of his road, but as soon as Grimmauld is out of his sight, he'll jump into the closest halo of light, beaming down from the streetlight above. He made a game of it the first time he snuck out, when he was only nine. Jumping from circle to circle, trying to avoid the darkness the shadows brought. He still plays the game whenever he sneaks out, two years later. He still has the same destination too.
The Victoria and Albert Museum.
Yes, he knows it's a Muggle museum and he should not be anywhere near anything related to Muggles... but, technically, he should not have snuck out in the first place either. So, he levels with himself, does it really matter?
Muggles are fascinating either way. There's a window with a loose catch a couple of floors up, which Regulus found the first night he snuck out. It's never been fixed; he doesn't know what he would do if it ever was. This museum is the only current solace he has in his life. He remembers how he had attempted to speak to a portrait of a woman, only for her to remain still and lifeless. Muggle paintings don't move.
He'd liked this painting the most, for the woman, even if she were motionless, was rather beautiful. She had a pointed nose, much like his own, and dark ringlet hair with matching pale skin. She looked a bit like a boy, in Regulus' opinion.
She could be a Black, had been his first thought after thoroughly examining the painting. It was beautiful and had a sense of ethereality to it. The woman looked to be a part of the garden of which she was sitting in, her dress the same emerald green as the underbrush beneath her slippered feet. He decided he liked that she couldn't move and seemed to have no consciousness, it meant he could admire the work's ornate attraction for as long as he liked without being judged by the person behind the frame.
Then, a terrible thought had struck him.
Maybe she did have a consciousness. Maybe she was stuck there - trapped. By the Muggles. Was that even possible? Muggles didn't have magic and it did seem like a mystical sort of idea.
"Are you trapped?" He questioned aloud.
No reply. Not even a flinch or a blink. Nothing.
It could just be a painting, he thought, or maybe she's trapped in there and cannot reply.
He resolved to speak to her on his way in and out of the museum every night, but did not linger. He thought, if there is a person imprisoned in a painting, there isn't much he can do to help her out and he wanted to explore further. Wanted to know more about these Muggles that people like his parents despised with such passion.
Regulus thought he should give her a name, feeling a bit strange speaking to someone - even if they are an inanimate object - and not addressing them properly. On the small, golden plaque beneath her frame read: 'The Day Dream'. There had also been a recorded date and artist - apparently she had been the painter's lover.
A thought drifted through Regulus' mind, bare of his control. He wondered what it would be like to be so admired by someone that they wanted to paint you just as you are.
He decided to call her Reverie, agreeing with himself that it suited her fully.
Over the last couple of years, Regulus has explored the entirety of the museum multiple times. The portraits and paintings, created with such delicate precision and care. The pastel pieces - oil, soft, and pencil. The graphite pieces, the ink and the charcoal. Images of dances and people and nature and different places around the world. Some with a vivid cacophony of bright hues and others with duller colours. They all conveyed not only what you saw but what you felt. Each colour, each stroke, each placement was chosen meticulously.
Regulus was in awe.
The statues will always be his favourite. They're on the bottom floor of the museum, which means they take the longest to get to from where he enters. Though, if he had the freedom of a normal person - or of a generic Muggle - he would be able to walk through the front doors and the statues would be the first things to greet his eyes.
Their shadows lay unmoving against the marble floor, sometimes overlapping, their limbs flirting with each other. Some were so small that Regulus could probably hold them in his hands, whilst others were larger than him by far.
The first one he'd found had disturbed his nine year-old self. The statue itself was actually rather glorious-looking in his eyes. It looked to be a muscular man, much taller than Regulus himself, holding up a young woman in his two arms. Her face out of view from Regulus due to his petite height. He had wrongfully assumed the man was protecting her and was eager to read the rather lengthy plaque before the sculpture. Eager to hear the - what would sure to be interesting - story.
It was not.
The statue was named 'Pluto and Proserpina'. Pluto had been the king of the underworld, shot by one of Cupid's arrows (Regulus wasn't too sure who Cupid was), and then caught sight of Proserpina collecting flowers in a meadow and immediately fell in love with her. (Maybe this Cupid's arrows make people fall in love with the first person they see? ) He stole her and bed her against her will.
That had been enough of that for one night and Regulus promised himself he wouldn't go back there, even though there was more writing on the plaque. No, he wouldn't. He also did not anymore assume the symbolism behind another statue. From then on, he would read the plaque first and then examine the statue, trying to see it through the designer's eyes.
Regulus, as if he could not stop himself, did go back to the statue of Pluto and Proserpina. The very next night. His curiosity had gotten the best of him and he could not stop his feet from finding that statue first.
He's grateful he did return. He read the rest of what was etched into bronze, though he did not understand very well what it meant, he felt it in his chest. Like a gentle thrum in the very centre of his heart, calm and lovely.
'Soderini [of whom the statue had originally belonged to in the form of a fountain] described water as the soul of cities and gardens.'
It makes him feel delicate for reasons he cannot yet place. Maybe one day when he figures out the meaning behind it, he will have an answer for himself.
It was that second night when he found the statue of the bird and the man. That statue would grow to be both his favourite statue in the museum and a cruel mockery of his life. It consists of a bronze man, face down and dressed in bland clothing. His hands fall limp against the hard floor, reflective on the marble, amber-looking. However, during the middle point of his back, his clothes protrude upwards, grasped by the talons of a rather small blackbird. It's still flapping it's wings, barely holding up the sorrowful man.
The plaque reads: 'When you're feeling down "your bird" is someone who helps you to get back up on your feet.'
It's cruel that this is the statue Regulus is most attracted to, still two years later. He has never had "a bird", nor does he think he'll be able to find one. Other than his parents, the only people who have ever visited him are his cousins - Bellatrix and Narcissa - who haven't come to see him once since they were married off to other Pureblood families.
There were a couple of times (though he had been so tiny at the time, he isn't sure they had been entirely real) he remembers a pair of twins, with hair as white as the plump clouds on a midsummer's day, coming to his house for playdates. He's not sure why they ever stopped coming. Surely, if they had existed at all, he would have more memories of them, or would still know them now.
What he does remember is that there was a boy and a girl. He had gravitated closer to the girl, maybe he'd had a crush on her, he doesn't know. He just remembers she had this aura around her that he enjoyed; comforting and tranquil, like the quiet ripple where fingertips meet lake.
The boy had been just as nice, though much more shy than the girl, not that she had been very loud. More confident. The boy on the other hand had hidden behind his sister a lot, so Regulus barely remembers him.
His sanity has always relied upon his dreams, as well as this museum; so, Regulus chooses to believe the twins weren't real. Somehow, that brings him the most comfort. It would be better than if they were real, it would mean he never lost them. Not that he's ever lost anyone before, he's never known of enough people to be able to lose them. However, sometimes his mother looks at him as if she is showing him off against an invisible competitor, like he's doing better than someone that should be there or maybe was once before.
He's caught his father watching him as if he's missing someone, but it isn't Regulus. It's almost as if he is trying to find them inside Regulus; it makes him feel raw and exposed, like an open wound. He doesn't like it. The reason he doesn't like it is because every time his father cannot find what he is looking for, he always looks devastated.
Regulus hates it when his father is upset. He's the only one of his parents who has ever shown him some decency. Regulus would go as far as to say his father is a kind man, especially in contrast with Walburga who wouldn't know the meaning of the word kind even if it spat in her face.
Orion Black is a simple man, very black and white. In his prime, he'd been a highly-ranked member of the Wizengamot, and had been very good at his job. He rarely made a mistake in his job and even had the opportunity to write a book about his personal views of his profession, as well as how to reach the higher ranks of the Wizengamot.
He'd fallen ill shortly after Regulus was born and has been in and out of a sickbed ever since. Regulus has never once known his father as being fully healthy. He's sure if it were less frequent, he would be more worried about his father's health status. In truth, it's never been a big concern of his. He's just never known him any other way, therefore, it's normal to him.
Of course, Regulus fears when his father gets terribly ill that he will not make it, and every time he feels selfish for it. Yes, he will miss his father if he dies, but that is never the first thought that crosses his mind.
Don't leave me with her.
Alone.
Regulus has been alone his whole life, but when he thinks about being trapped in this musty old house with only his mother for company, he daydreams about running away.
Unfortunately, for a Black, running away is not that simple.
Today is a month exactly until he turns eleven, the age he will be when he finally gets to go to Hogwarts. Regulus has thought about the idea of leaving Grimmauld Place to go to Hogwarts an unfathomable amount of times. He simply cannot wait. It will be everything he has ever dreamed it will be and better. He knows it.
There will be kids his own age, other people, new places to explore. And best of all, no mothers. None at all. Sounds like Heaven if you ask him.
He's sitting in the drawing room on the hearth in front of the fireplace, his mother propped up, back as straight as an iron rod, on a velvet couch, whilst his father writes aimlessly away at some paperwork or other. Regulus is working on his pronunciation with Kreacher - the gammy house-elf that pretty much brought him up. Kreacher is ancient - in one word. He has charcoal-grey hair sprouting out of his wrinkled ears and a face that has fallen so desperately over the years, he fears it may one day fall off. He has beady little eyes that look as if they are capable of being cruel, but have only ever been warm towards Regulus. The tea towel he wears is clean and carries no stench, unlike some other house-elves he's heard rumours of from Kreacher. Some families don't care to look after their servants; the Blacks, however, do not disgrace their house with something filthy. So, Kreacher has the privileges of being able to clean his... garments (?), as well as having a small, boxy cupboard in the chambers of the kitchen, where he has created a little nest to sleep atop of.
There's a sudden scratching sound at the window and Regulus' head jolts to the side. He's been waiting all summer and has a feeling the time has come. His mother scolds him for moving so suddenly, saying it's improper and unbecoming. He apologises swiftly, putting some feeling into it, but not really meaning it. Then, he goes over to the window to allow the unfamiliar owl in and unties the letter from it's twig-like leg.
He thanks it and quickly searches his pocket for some food. When he finds none, he apologises and scratches under it's beak instead. It hoots in understanding - if a bird can do that - and flies away. Regulus closes the window and goes to make his way back over to where Kreacher is still sitting cross-legged on the hearth, when his mother lifts her skirt away from the spot on the couch beside her. An open gesture that he must sit there now.
Regulus moves gracefully over to perch next to his mother, the letter still firmly in his tiny hands. He looks down and reads his name in spindly cursive. A rush of excitement bursts in his chest. He holds his future in his hands.
He looks up at his mother for confirmation and she nods. Next, he glances over to his father, who is still sitting behind his desk, and is smiling softly at him from beneath his greying beard.
Regulus turns the envelope over in his hands and unseals it, then he pulls out the letter carefully, savouring the moment. Wanting to burn it into the back of his retinas and keep it forever.
This is it, he is going to Hogwarts.
***
Port Isaac, Cornwall
Tuesday - 10th August, 1971
Sirius
Sirius loves the sea; honestly, he thinks it may even be his best friend. Port Isaac is small, well known for it's fishing, meaning there's a harbour on the left side of the village where the sea cuts into the land and fisher boats come from far and wide. It's one of Sirius' favourite things to do; each Saturday at the crack of dawn, the boats merge in, bringing with them exotic sea-life, some of which are still new to Sirius to this day, even though he's lived here all his life. He always makes sure to wake early and scamper down to the docks where Mo - Cornwall's main piscator - unloads the newly arrived fish into crates that are sent to mainland's cold storage depot.
Mo doesn't ever complain about Sirius' intrusions, instead encouraging the young boy. He was always saying things on the lines of, "If you plan on sticking around here for long, boy, you'd do well to learn the ways of a fisherman." He's quite an old man - or at least, Sirius thinks he is. By the way his beard is almost fully grey and reaches down to his collarbones, rounding much like Santa Claus' does in Christmas colouring books. His face isn't too wrinkled, the only evidence of age there are the deep indents on the outskirts of his eyes and the frown lines on his forehead.
Most of the time, Sirius will catch the man with one of those outdated smoking pipes. He doesn't personally know anyone in his life who smokes - other than Mo, of course - but he has caught the occasional tourist smoking on the island, usually with a cigarette box in hand.
Sirius tends to spend his days doing a numeral of different things - his favourite always being swimming. His father taught him how to swim before he ever learnt how to walk, it's a part of him. Sometimes, he compares himself to the fish surrounding Port Isaac, free to swim and live and just... be. However, he obviously has the benefit of not being caught in a net and taken to the harbour to be sold as food.
Whenever he isn't in the sea, he's playing different games on the beach, like Volleyball or football or - his all-time favourite - crab-football, which is when you play regular football but you have to crawl around on your hands and feet with your belly in the air. He doesn't mind who he plays with, tourists or locals, anyone who will let him. He's known widely by the people of Port Isaac because his parents weren't originally from around here, which makes them curious.
When he was little, Sirius loved to hear the stories about how they met at a school for wizards and witches. His mother had been in the enemy house - the one everyone seemed to dislike - whilst his father had been in the house of the honest and kind. He doesn't really understand how houses can determine whether you are good or bad or smart or brave, bully or a friend. The concept is utter rubbish in his mind. Besides, he loves his mother with his whole heart; she's generous and cool and so good, which to him means that houses do not determine one's truest nature.
They moved to Port Isaac right after Sirius was born and have stayed ever since. His father's family visit from time to time, whenever they can really. They love seeing Sirius, and he absolutely adores his younger cousins (Miriam, 6, and Elliot, 5). They're Muggles, so Sirius isn't allowed to mention magic around the younger children, in case they reveal the secret to anyone else. His grandparents know, of course, having grown up with a Wizard for a son. So does his aunt and her husband, even though she had never shown any magical potential. A part of Sirius hopes that maybe one of his cousins will be magical too, then he would have someone around his age to share it with.
He's never met his mother's family and rarely asks about them either, knowing she doesn't like to talk about them much. There have been times over the past few years when Sirius would ask things that he thinks were left unspoken about for reasons that he does not yet know about, but he's always been curious and eager to learn more. He yearns to know more about his own history.
All he does know is that his mother ran away when she was eighteen, her family did not approve of Sirius' father at all because they were prejudice against his Muggle lineage. (Sirius laughs sourly at the thought that they would hate him, simply because he is a Halfblood.) His mother has siblings, though he doesn't know how many, nor their gender or names, but she misses them. She's admitted it to him whenever he's asked, always striving to be open and honest, saying it's the healthiest option.
"Why not visit them and see if they miss you too?" Sirius had said once when he was around the age of seven.
"It's been too long," she'd answered. "They wouldn't remember me."
At the time, Sirius hadn't been too sure if he believed her, but he'd let it go. From a young age, he'd understood how sensitive the topic of his mother's family was. He's always respected that she will only ever share as much as she is comfortable with.
When they ran away, they came straight to Cornwall. Apparently, his mother had wanted to visit for years, so they moved there instead. Far far away from her corrupted family. Away from the rotten prejudices.
Together, his parents bought the rundown building on the West side of the village and rebuilt it into their shop, 'Ted's Trinkets and Andy's Antiques'. They collect old bits and bobs and accept donations of valuable knick-knacks, shine and polish them up and then sell them. Little pieces of history, each with stories behind them. Most of the items don't come with any information, so Sirius enjoys creating his own little made-up stories about each bibelot he finds.
His absolute favourites are the snow globes.
On Sundays, the shop remains closed for most of the day, spare the afternoon. During the free time the day gives them, Sirius and his mother journey over the main hill that separates one half of the village from the other half and trek deep into the woods. There's an open patch of grass, obscured by trees, if you explore deep enough. They would take their brooms out there every Sunday morning and would play a game of Quidditch away from any possible Muggles. As far as they know, no one knows about their glade, except perhaps the elderly locals, though it would be exceedingly difficult for them to climb over the mini-mountain-sized hill and the miles of forestry, as well as ridiculously unlikely.
Only once has Sirius ever happened upon another person whilst here. It had been a Thursday in the middle of summer. Instead of it being morning time, it was almost time for the sun to set. Sirius' parents were both busy in the shop and he had just wanted to go for a quick fly through the trees to tire himself out before he went to bed. What he had not expected was to come across a boy - of whom Sirius recognised from the Muggle primary school, because he had attended it when he was much younger, due to his father's gentle insistence - with snowy-white hair that fell to his shoulders, a bit frizzy-looking. The boy always had worn strange clothes and today had not been an exception.
The boy had been dressed head-to-toe in a bright dress-looking garment. Colours of brown and orange and red blended with luminous blues, greens, and yellows, making him look a bit like a mashed up rainbow.
Sirius had quickly hopped behind a tree, keeping out of sight, not that it mattered. It seemed that the boy hadn't even noticed he'd arrived, too immersed in whatever it was he had been doing. It looked a bit like dancing, but with much less coordination or order. It seemed more to be a game of seeing how fast he could flail his limbs about. His arms and legs wiggled about like a freshly-caught fish, trying to flop back into the water. Whilst his head was bent backwards, eyes closed, as he howled up at the sky.
Sirius thinks he might have been frightened or maybe even weirded out if he hadn't been so fascinated. It was like nothing he had ever seen before.
He tried, with all his might, to remember the boy's name. Something beginning with 'V' or 'Z' or 'X'; something outrageous, more so than Sirius. On the same level as Andromeda.
He couldn't seem to place it. Instead, he had watched the boy dance (?) for a little while longer before resolving that he wouldn't be getting any extra flying in that night and leaving him to his peace.
That had been almost a year ago now and Sirius hasn't seen the boy there since.
Today is a Tuesday, which means Sirius doesn't have much to do, so he decides to go for an early morning swim. The water isn't cold this time of year, it being late summer. Though, even if it were cold, Sirius wouldn't mind. He's one of those people who could swim in the sea mid-winter and be delighted about it.
He dives into the ocean with swift and graceful motions and swims to the seabed. The sun has barely risen, but he doesn't struggle to see, his eyes having adjusted to the darkness of the sea. He glides along the sandy floor, keeping an eye out for anything interesting he may find; usually, he would take them home and give them to his mother, who keeps them safely in a display cabinet.
Sirius spots something twinkling a couple of feat away from him. He grins and smoothly sails through the water. He reaches down into the hard sand and pulls out a round, golden locket, still shiny and almost brand new. Clutching onto it, he pulls himself up towards the surface and inhales deeply when he feels the air breathe against his face, the relief of oxygen coming back to him in waves. He admires the locket and smiles to himself.
"Mum, you're going to love this." He laughs and lays back in the water, allowing himself to float across the skin of the sea. A couple of weeks ago, his Hogwarts letter arrived, so he knows he won't have very much longer to enjoy this feeling. He's going to miss it. He's going to miss all of it: the sea, running to the docks to help Mo out with the fish every Saturday morning, flying in the glade with his mother, helping out in the shop.
Most of all, he'll miss his parents. They are the only people he has ever properly known. The only people that have ever stuck, except maybe Mo, but Sirius only ever sees him once a week anyway, so he doesn't really count.
He'll also miss their house above the shop. Especially his bedroom. Connected to the shop and house part of the build is a tower, with winding stone steps that have ancient etchings in them from people who have been there before. At the top is a large, circular room - Sirius' room. It's his favourite because it's the highest room of the building and has a massive window that looks out over the vast, turquoise water and birthing horizon.
It's his very favourite place, second only behind the sea itself.
Still, Sirius can't wait for Hogwarts. He's never much minded the lack of people in his life, his parents have always been enough for him, as well as the locals and the tourists he speaks to some days - and Mo, of course. He's found company in the waves of the sea, in the wind that tickles the leaves of the forest's trees, the cobblestone streets and seaside giftshops. Solitude is something he has found himself within, found a friend in. It's separate to loneliness, because he is content. He thinks, if he were ever lonely, he would not enjoy it. It would be quiet. But to him, the world is always loud.
However, he is looking forward to meeting some more people his own age when he gets to Hogwarts. He's excited to learn more about anything he can get his hands on. He's feverish to find new places to explore and cannot wait to live in the same place where his parents first met.
Maybe he will meet his future wife there.
He shudders at that thought. Nope - too young.
"Sirius, Mon Trésor, I need to ask a favour of you," his mother calls up from the bottom of the tower. He rolls off his bed; he had been reading a book on different marine algae and where to find them around the world. He sprints down the stairs and hops off the last one, bowing dramatically to his mother. She rolls her eyes lovingly at him, but ruffles his hair and says, "Do you remember the Lovegoods?"
Sirius thinks for a moment, his lips contorting as he does. "Nope, sorry. Vast, endless, empty mind."
"Veira and Soniniqus? They have a son, Xenophillius, who you went to primary school with for a little while?"
Sirius blinks.
"Oh, come on," she chuckles softly. "They are the only family in town with proper white hair-"
"Oh!" Sirius gasps, remembering the boy from the forest. "Yep, I know who you mean. Xenopolous."
"Xenophilius," Andromeda corrects. "Anyway, the favour. Dumbledore informed me Xenophilius received an acceptance letter from Hogwarts, but since his parents are Muggles, he thought it would be a good idea for me to help integrate them into the Wizarding world. I was wondering if you could help?" She holds her hands together in a begging motion, pouting in a way that only she and Sirius can do (it works wonders on his dad). "Please? You'll be going to school together and I think it would be really lovely for Xenophilius to have at least one familiar face when he goes off to Hogwarts."
Sirius nods enthusiastically. "Of course! Should we go now?"
"That's my perfect boy," she leans in to press a kiss to his forehead, making Sirius beam. "Yes, I think we should go sooner rather than later."
"Ok," Sirius agrees, following his mother through the door that attaches the tower and the shop. "Who's Dumbledore?"
It turns out that the Lovegoods only live a couple of streets down, so it takes barely any time to get there at all. Sirius is given permission to use the large, eagle-shaped door knocker, which he bangs with enthusiasm until his mother stops him, calling him cheeky. He smiles innocently up at her, as if he can do no wrong.
The door swings open only a moment later. A woman with hair that reaches her hips (and is so white it could be used as a beacon to signal a ship at out sea) stands in the entryway. Her clothes are as wild as her son's, blinding colours that are almost headache inducing.
Sirius examines the woman once more, noticing she has bare feet and a long beaded necklace around her neck that holds a shark's tooth. Then, he looks at his own mother; she's dressed in a band t-shirt (Sirius thinks it's Queen) and jeans, with her statement leather jacket on top. Her boots look just like pirate ones, Sirius thinks. His mum is so cool.
"Hello, Andromeda is it?" Mrs Lovegood's voice is unusually high, reminding Sirius of the windchimes outside his own house.
"Yes, that's right." Andromeda holds her hand out to the woman, who shakes it passionately. Sirius watches his mother recoil into herself, it's subtle, only he could notice it because he is so used to the movement after so many years. He knows his mother hates an unbearable amount of physical touch - he suspects it has something to do with her upbringing. He's never questioned her on it.
He sighs with relief when they pull their hands away from each other and he sees his mother visibly recover.
"I'm sorry, dear, I'm not sure we've met before. You are?" Mrs Lovegood's attention is suddenly on Sirius. He slaps on a winning smile, the one he knows works on anyone, but especially elderly ladies... for some reason.
"Sirius, charmed I'm sure." He smirks, taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles.
She giggles and turns back to Andromeda. "Quite the gentleman you've raised here."
"Arrogant is the word I would use," Andromeda jokes, tucking a lock of Sirius' hair behind his ear lovingly.
"Hey!" He mocks offence.
"I understand you've recently had a letter from Professor Dumbledore," Andromeda lowers her voice to a whisper. She smiles kindly at Mrs Lovegood, coming off as welcoming and... safe. "I think it would be best if we come inside, Viera. Just in case anyone is listening."
"Of course," Mrs Lovegood stands to the side and gestures for them to enter. She closes the door behind them and guides them through the kitchen and to the seating area. She offers them both tea, which they gracefully accept.
"Sonny!" Mrs Lovegood calls and a moment later, a man with hair almost as long as his wife's and the same shade of dazzling white comes in from the garden door. "This is Andromeda and Sirius Tonks, from the trinkets and antiques shop down the road."
"Ah, yes. Ted has sold me many things over the years. I'm a collector, you see, and I love finding little knick-knacks to add to my collection." He stands beside the chair his wife is sitting upon, the one opposite the sofa where Andromeda and Sirius are. "It's very nice to finally meet you both."
"It's lovely to meet you too, Mr Lovegood," Sirius says politely.
"Could you make us some tea, love?" Mrs Lovegood whispers to her husband, who nods before retreating into the kitchen.
"Sorry to barge in on you like this," Andromeda begins. "I understand you're both Muggles?"
"That would be correct," Mrs Lovegood smiles sweetly.
"Dumbledore has asked me to help with the integration of your son into the Wizarding world, if that is something you would like?"
"Oh, that would be amazing," Mrs Lovegood sighs and shrinks a bit in her chair. It is only then that Sirius realises how tense she had looked before. "We're trying, we really are, but... oh, we always knew Xeno was different. It's hard that we can't help him with this because, well, we can't show him the way."
"Don't worry," Andromeda leans forward and is the one to initiate contact first, taking Mrs Lovegood's hand in her own. "I was brought up by a magical family and Sirius here has grown up with magic his whole life too. Of course, we don't use it much anymore, only for futile things such as fixing a broken lamp or something. But if you have any questions at all, I am here to answer them for you."
"So, you're... you're a witch?" Mrs Lovegood's eyes widen to almost double their size, great blue orbs that resemble the sea.
"I am," Andromeda nods proudly. "I've brought Sirius with me because he will be attending Hogwarts for the first time this September as well and I thought it would be nice for Xenophilius to have a familiar face."
"I'll get him for you," Mr Lovegood says as he lays a tray of empty teacups and a teapot full to the brim on the coffee table in front of them.
"I have quite an astounding amount of questions, I'll admit," Mrs Lovegood flinches at her own honesty. "I feel like a terrible mother, not knowing what decision would be best for my own child." Her eyes twinkle with unshed tears.
Sirius frowns and makes his way around the table to sit beside the tearful lady. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and utters, "That's why you've got us."
She smiles at him, it's a bit wobbly, but meaningful all the same.
Xenophilius and Mr Lovegood join them a couple of minutes later. Sirius greets the boy and moves along the couch to make room for him, inviting him to sit right next to him. A friendly gesture, he hopes.
"Hello, Sirius Tonks," Xenophilius' unbroken voice rings. "Tonks," he chuckles, "wrong."
Sirius puts his hands on his hips, pretending to be offended. "Says the guy named Xenophilius."
Xenophilius laughs and adds, "That isn't what I meant at all." He doesn't elaborate. Sirius opens his mouth to ask a further question, but notices how his mother's face has paled.
"Mum?"
"Sirius, how about you go and answer any questions Xenophilius has, whilst Viera and I have a chat?" His mother's eyes signal something, though he isn't sure what. He listens and follows Xenophilius out into the garden, where the sun shines heavily down on them. He soaks it in, enjoying the way it makes his blood vibrate under his skin.
"You're a Wizard too." It isn't a question, but a statement. Xenophilius knows and Sirius has no idea how.
"Yes, as are you."
"Mmm," Xenophilius hums. "I've been reading up on that. There are some things about me that were not mentioned in the books. Things that told me I was a Wizard before my parents were ever told. I never said it to them because I didn't want them to think that I was crazy."
"What do you mean 'things'?" Sirius questions, voice laced with curiosity.
"I know things that I shouldn't. I can see things that aren't right in front of me," the other boy shrugs, bristling his shoulder-length hair. "I think I might be a seer."
Sirius gapes at him, excited. He's never met a seer before; he's read about them and thought they sounded absolutely wicked. When he was little, he wanted to be a seer. He's grown up since then and has realised the weight that would come with such a trait.
"Does that mean you could probably see what house I'm going to end up in?" Sirius asks, quirking an eyebrow.
Xenophilius grins mysteriously. "I know answers to questions about you, Sirius Tonks, that you wouldn't even think to ask."
Sirius thinks about begging for an explanation, but then decides he doesn't want to know. Well, he does, but he reasons with himself that if he doesn't have these questions yet, why should he burden himself with them now? Especially if he ends up getting answers he doesn't want.
They speak about the Wizarding World and Hogwarts for an hour longer, until their mothers find them lying in the tall, weedy grass and the base of the garden. Xenophilius seems to have an attraction to the conspiracy theories of the Wizarding World - specifically, the creatures that have been rumoured to exist.
Sirius thinks it's all complete toss, but doesn't say that out loud. Xenophilius probably knows his opinions anyway because of his special seer talents. Either way, he thinks the boy is fun and can see them getting along well at Hogwarts.
His first friend, and they're going to Hogwarts together.
Chapter 2: First Year: Afraid
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-Remus has a seizure
-Mentions the night Remus was bittenIf I missed any warnings, do not hesitate to let me know :)
We like Lyall in this fic, just so you all know. We do not hate on Lyall here.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sometimes fear does not subside
and you must do it afraid.
~Elisabeth Elliot
Carmarthen, Wales
Wednesday - 18th August, 1971
Remus
He's running, legs almost breaking by how fast he is going; racing through the golden grain fields - he can feel the sloshy mud slipping beneath his tattered old boots. (He can't afford new ones.) Clouds merge together, pressing their weight on each other and pushing out rain that falls... falls... down onto the earth. Remus can feel it on his eyelashes and settling in his hair. He can feel it dripping off his nose and running down his cheeks like the tears of the heavens.
The fields are always endless here, only being separated by woodland, which Remus enjoys just as much. But he doesn't make it to the woods today. He's still sprinting, trying to make it to the break of the trees, but there's a voice. A whisper that echoes through the sky like a siren, as if it's vibrating through a megaphone.
It's a man, he realises. A man calling for someone... Someone far away.
The moment he comes to a halt, he's lost to the fields and the woods and the rain. Lost to mother nature's generosity of creating Remus' favourite place. Suddenly, he's on the wooden-floorboards in his kitchen. He hasn't opened his eyes yet, but that isn't necessary for him to know exactly where he is; Remus is familiar to the feeling of every single floor in his house by now.
His father is kneeling over him, he already knows this too. He's taken one of Remus' hands and is gently running his thumb in circles on his palm as he gently speaks to Remus, assuring him he is okay. He is safe. His dad is here. He'll always be here. He loves him.
It breaks Remus' heart every time he wakes up after one of his episodes and hears his father's ramblings. They are the noise of a man who isn't sure if his son is going to pull through or if this is the dreaded time when the pressure of it is too much. Remus is but a boy, there is only so much he can handle. At least, that's what his dad thinks. What he doesn't know is that whenever Remus can sense an oncoming attack, he closes off his mind, relaxes, finds peace and goes to a holier place. His favourite place; it always brings him back home.
The seizures started after Remus was bitten. His parents had chewed their lips through with worry, not knowing what to do. Not wanting anyone to know of their son's new lupine state, but also wanting to know he could- would be alright. So, naturally, they had gone to Dumbledore for help. His father - a humble man, with no one left but his wife and his son, riddled with guilt for what happened - had begged for help and Dumbledore had immediately obliged.
Remus had only been four when he had his first seizure, a couple of days before the first full moon after that dreaded night. Dumbledore had sent a letter by the next afternoon, after having already received one from a horrified Lyall Lupin. He'd offered the skills of the medi-witch at Hogwarts to them - Poppy Pomfrey was her name.
So, when Remus continued to have seizures every night before the prospective moon, he would wake to find both of his parents and Poppy there with him. She was a kind lady, Poppy. Always brought a small chocolate kiss with her for Remus to nibble on once he had proved himself "a good patient". She was gentle with him, but never looked at him with pity. He grew to be grateful of that as he got older; it was much better than the way his mother always looked at him whenever he was hurt. Though, he understood, he was his mother's only child. Seeing your only child in pain at an almost consistent rate would be difficult.
Poppy showed his parents what to do if Remus had another seizure and explained when they should or should not summon for her. Only if he is injured - no matter how big or small the injury is, if Remus needs her, she will be there for him.
Now that he is eleven and it has been six and a half years of transformations and seizures and cell-splitting headaches, he doesn't call for her much. So, she comes in to check up on him once a month, always a week exactly after every full moon. Enough time for him to recover - or if he hasn't by then, he'll need attending to.
He's excited to go to Hogwarts in a couple of weeks because he knows Poppy will be there. If he ever feels unwell, at least she knows his medical history, knows how he and his body works. Plus, she's family to him now. Like an aunt or a second mother.
A part of him, however, is terrified to leave his home. Fortunately for him, his parents raised him on a farm on the edge of the village of Carmarthen in Wales, so it's very isolated. Growing up, Remus was forced by his mother to attend Church, which he personally did not understand because he was literally a werewolf - not very holy if you ask him - and a Wizard. Wizards have their own Religions and believe in different Gods or greater Wizards, such as Merlin and the founders of Hogwarts. He'd been like any other kid that grew up in Carmarthen (spare the werewolf thing), going to Church every Sunday, being a part of the Church choir (which wasn't so bad if you didn't get given a solo) and (his least favourite thing of all) he grew up in the theatre.
He'd only joined to make his mother happy. She had been a part of the same theatre group in the same village when she grew up and, as her only child, Remus felt obligated to follow in her footsteps. The only problem was, he'd hated it and still does to this day. Luckily, he stopped going to Church when he was ten, since he was deemed old enough to make his own choices. However, that didn't mean he was allowed to just drop theatre club. Remus hopes there isn't one at Hogwarts, or at least not one his mother knows about.
The reason he is terrified of going to Hogwarts is... Well, actually, there are many reasons.
Reason One: He'll miss the long days spent with his father, either in the house or out in the fields, plucking crops from the ground and readying them to be sold.
Reason Two: He'll miss being able to run down the road to his mother's bakery and seeing how her day is going, as well as nicking a pain au chocolat, like he does every day.
Reason Three: He is an epileptic werewolf who will be surrounded by other magical folk (of whom he is sure have knowledge of werewolves) all day, every day... FOR. A. YEAR!
Reason Four: He isn't even sure if he is a wizard. Most of the time, he feels more like a monster.
Another reason, though Remus thinks it is futile compared to the others, is that he actually has some friends here. Yes, they are Muggles and have no idea he turns into a deadly, man-slaughtering creature every month. But neither would any of his Wizard friends if he went to Hogwarts. Would they? What if they figured it out? Would he be exposed? Would he be expelled?
"Remus?" His father's voice makes it's way back to him and he realises he is still on the floor. He blinks open his eyes and watches as the pain on his father's face lessens and relief washes through like a crashing wave.
"How long?" He asks, just as he does each and every time.
"Only for about a minute," Lyall responds, helping Remus sit up and lean against the kitchen cabinets. "A minute too long."
Remus watches as the guilt melts it's way into his father's blue eyes (not like his own, he has his mother's eyes and his father's everything else - height, hair, freckles, face, you name it). It pains him to see the guilt that plagues his father every time.
"Dad," Remus smiles softly at his father. "It isn't your fault, ok? I promise." He knows this technically isn't true, but he doesn't mind telling a little white lie if it means settling his father's nerves. Either way, he reaches forward and pulls him into a tight hug.
"I'm so sorry, Remus. Your life shouldn't be like this."
"I don't even feel the pain anymore," he whispers; another lie.
"Pain shouldn't be something you become immune to over time, it shouldn't happen at all, son."
Remus is out at the end of the fields, climbing one of the Sycamore trees on the edge of the woods, as he does most days. He loves being outside, whether it's climbing trees, running through the wheat fields, walking to the shop to pick up some extra milk, or even diving in the marshy lake where all the older kids around the village seem to hang around the most to smoke funky cigarettes (as Remus calls them, because they smell funky).
He treats the earth like his best friend, in a way it is. It's nice. He loves mother nature and believed she loves him back; it's a very compatible relationship, if you ask him.
"Remus?" His father's voice calls from somewhere below.
Remus turns his head to look down, he'd been lying back on the branch, limb hanging in the air, watching where the sun broke through the cracks in the leaves. Almost translucent. His father signals for him to come down, so he rolls over and takes hold of the branch he has just been laying on as he lets gravity push him down. Expertly, he climbs down, using the branches as stepping stones and handles. When he gets to the final branch - still a few feet off the ground - he jumps and rolls into the tall grass.
His father tuts fondly. Lyall walks over to where Remus has landed on his back, hands on his hips and offers a trip into Diagon Alley. His mother will be working at the bakery all day, so it's the perfect time. Being a Muggle isn't so safe in the Wizarding World at the moment - or so Remus has overheard from the conversations his parents have after dark when they think he is asleep in bed. His father is always making excuses to Remus about why their mother cannot come to this event or that. But Remus knows. He isn't completely sure why it wouldn't be safe for her, but he is aware of the fact.
"For my Hogwarts stuff?" He jumps to his feet, excitement coming off him in waves.
"Yes! Should we go now?"
Remus grins and then looks down at his grass-stained knee caps and where his shirt is covered in moss and muck.
"Maybe shower first," his father adds and Remus nods, agreeing completely.
They arrive in The Leaky Cauldron's fireplace after travelling from their own via floo powder. Lyall greets Tom, the gnome-faced man behind the bar, before urging Remus to walk towards the exit. Diagon Alley is busy with young Witches and Wizards, as well as tag-along parents and family members.
Remus falls into step closer to his father. He's never much liked big crowds of people. the thought that he is intruding their innocence with the murderous beast hidden not-so-deep below his skin makes him shudder. So, he takes his father's hand in his own. Lyall doesn't seem to mind, smiling down at him and squeezing his hand comfortingly. It grounds Remus and he is thankful for it.
Once they've visited Gringotts to take out a large chunk of their vault (the goblins do not scare Remus as much as he thought they would), they go to Madam Malkin's to get Remus' school robes. They don't have a lot of money, since his father isolated himself from the Wizarding World after what happened with Fenrir Greyback, thinking it less risky to have Remus a part of it until he had to be. He can only afford one entirely new set, as well as two second hand readied set of robes.
Next, they visit Flourish and Blotts to find Remus' new school books. His father insists on buying him brand new books of each, saying his mother gave him some of the money she's been saving up from the bakery for exactly this. After that, Remus knows better than to argue or try and convince his dad otherwise. Lyall is a stubborn man when he wants to be.
Whilst his father is paying, Remus (who has always had a keen interest in reading) browses the shelves. He's checking out the chapters page of a book called 'The Secrets of Hogwarts Castle' and is wondering what the book could possibly mean by 'The Chamber of Secrets', when he is interrupted by a small cough.
It isn't his father, it's too high-pitched and more feminine.
Remus looks up from the book and comes face to face with a young girl; if he had to guess, he would say they were the same age. She has sun-kissed skin that is painted with orange freckles and auburn hair that matches. Her eyes are emerald green, big and beaming, like flares.
"Hello," she speaks in a soft sort of voice. She's English, he can tell. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your reading," the girl is blushing now, "I just wondered if you could show me where I could find the books on this year's syllabus?"
It's asked as a question, which takes Remus a rather embarrassingly long time to process. When he does, he scrambles to put his book back in place and cringes at the way his hands shake with nerves.
New people frighten him.
"Uh- yeah, of course." His voice comes out unusually deeper than it normally is and he has no idea why.
The red-headed girl giggles, making Remus cringe again. "Thank you. My name is Lily Evans." She holds out a hand for him to shake and Remus hesitates. He stares at her hand, fingers outstretched and fingernails tidy, unlike his which have dirt permanently embedded beneath them and are as rough as sandpaper.
"I'm Remus," he says and is grateful when his voice sounds more normal this time. He shakes her hand. "Remus Lupin. Uh, the books you need are this way." He guides them both to the back left section of the shop where all of the new Hogwarts first year's books are laid out in piles on rickety, wooden tables. Bookshelves surround them like walls caving in and suddenly Remus feels a bit claustrophobic.
"I should be heading back now, my Tad will be waiting for me."
"Tad?" She questions not rudely, but curiously. "If it's not intrusive of me, may I ask where you're from before you leave?" Lily rushes her words, as if she is afraid he is going to turn around and walk away before she has a chance to finish her sentence.
"It means dad in Welsh, where I live," he replies evenly.
"Oh, I'm from Surrey. It's quite far from here, not as far as Wales, I suppose. Professor McGonagall brought me here today, she's one of the teachers at Hogwarts."
"A professor brought you here?" Remus cocks his head, quite curious himself now.
"Oh, my parents are Muggles. My sister too. McGonagall said it would be best if she brought me to get my school things for the upcoming year. We apparated, it was a much shorter trip." Lily smiles as she talks. He notices she does that a lot as they continue their conversation, only ending it when Lyall finds them in the Charms section of the book shop, both admittedly fascinated by the subject.
"Tad, this is Lily," Remus introduces the girl in front of him. She beams and stands tall and proud (or as tall as she can be whilst also being a good few inches shorter than Remus himself) before extending her hand as she had to Remus.
"Lily Evans."
"It's nice to meet you, Lily," Lyall says, giving Remus a side-eyed glance. He rolls his eyes but can feel as a blush spreads up his face. "Are you joining Hogwarts this year too?"
"I am."
"Excited then?" Lyall asks, placing the bag of books on the floor. Remus inwardly groans, knowing that this is a sign the conversation might last for longer than he would like.
"Definitely! I didn't even know I was a Witch until a month or so ago and it's brilliant!" Lily replies with so much enthusiasm, Remus finds himself smiling at her. She's really quite endearing.
Lyall goes to open his mouth, but Remus gets there first.
"Well, it was very nice to meet you, Lily, but we have about a dozen more shops to go to," he says speedily. Remus picks up the bags of books and almost breaks his back with how unexpectedly heavy they are. He pretends he doesn't feel it and gives her a small smile.
"See you, Remus. Hopefully, I'll see you at Hogwarts?"
"Yeah, sounds good." He rushes out of the shop, practically dragging the bag along the floor because of the sheer weight of it. Once he is out of the shop, he feels his father come up from behind him and take the bag away.
"She was a lovely girl," he comments.
Remus gives him a look and he doesn't mention Lily for the remainder of the day. They get everything on the school list, except for a pet, because Remus feels he doesn't need one when he's already got a literal animal living inside of him. Selecting his wand had taken much less time than he'd thought it would. In fact, it had been the first one he tried. Ten and a quarter inches long, made of Cypress wood, with a Unicorn hair core. However, he had been behind a particularly tricky pick. A boy with black hair and skin so pale, Remus could have sworn he was a Victorian ghost. He had been there with a woman - most likely his mother - who had matching features, and a sneer to pair with it.
He had not liked her one bit.
Almost an hour later, the boy in front had a wand. As he and his mother had left the shop, her hand sharply grasping onto the boy's shoulder in a way that looked painful, he looked at Remus and smiled. It was small and barely existent, but he saw it. He'd smiled back and ignored the way the harsh woman looked at him as if he were merely manure on her shoe.
Remus waits until his mother gets home to show her everything he and his father got. When he shows her his wand, she grins ecstatically and he positively vibrates at the joy on her face.
Maybe going to Hogwarts will be scary, maybe it isn't the right choice...
Oh well, Remus has never been one to follow the rules of what is or is not right anyway.
***
Hampstead, London
Tuesday - 31st August, 1971
James
James is going to Hogwarts. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow!
He is so extremely, stupidly excited to go to the place where his parents met and then fell in love. To meet Albus Dumbledore, said to be the most powerful Wizard in the world! (James doesn't understand why he would want to be a headmaster of a school full of teenagers if he could be literally anything else, but each to their own, he supposes.) Most of all, he can't wait to see the castle. Mainly, the stairs that move of their own accord and the portraits that speak to you. The ghosts and the senior classrooms. The grounds and the kitchens. The Great Hall!
It's as if he's been waiting for this his whole life.
There's only one problem: James doesn't want to meet anyone.
Ok, fine. He wants to meet Dumbledore and get to know his future professors, maybe even be the acquaintance of a ghost. But he doesn't want to meet anyone who is looking for a potential friend, because James isn't the one. Nope, he is off the market.
James grew up on the edge of a Muggle town, out of the main city, but still not solitude enough if you ask him. He never attended the Muggle primary school, barely even went into the main village. There was a highly unlikely chance he would've had a friend in his childhood, until he met Harry Wilkins - maybe both of them would have been better off if they hadn't met at all.
He doesn't like to think about Harry, but it's hard. He's always in the back of James' mind, waiting... waiting... just like he used to wait outside of James' house right after school (because Harry was a Muggle and did have to go to school) waiting to see if he could play that day.
No, he tries not to think about Harry anymore. It's horrible, he knows, considering the circumstances. But if James let his mind linger on their friendship, he'd simply shatter. He's already glass made of cracks, one more hit and he knows he would break, the pieces of him tumbling and falling forever.
Thinking of only the positive side of what Hogwarts could mean for him, he takes in a deep breath and allows himself to relax. He has to convince himself these days that he is allowed to relax, allowed peace; his subconscious knows he's lying.
He gets changed for bed and begins downstairs. The Potter's routine is the same every night and James loves the familiarity of it, likes how it settles his mind. The organisation and simplicity of it. He bounds down the stairs like a tribe of wild centaurs - or so his mother always says - and almost slips on the carpet covering the shiny, wooden floor beneath. Luckily, he manages to catch himself before disaster happens.
Wandering through to the kitchen, James can see that his mother has set up their usual baking station, just as she does every night. Tonight, they are making Cinnamon Hazelnut Biscotti cookies for James to take on the train tomorrow. He's been desperate to learn how to make these all summer, but his mum held back saying they had to wait for a special occasion, as these were her specialty.
James has always loved baking with his mother. Euphemia Potter has a natural talent for baking and always has done. She treats it like an art and lays it out like a problem that needs solving, using each part of her brain and her heart to make whatever it is she is attempting to create perfectly. Whenever he spends time with his father, they're brewing potions or playing games of chess. James considers his father a potions genius, especially after Sleekeazy's, and loves learning the different properties of brewing a new potion. They've spent dozens and dozens of afternoons together preparing and studying different potions. James honestly cannot wait until he gets to take it as a subject at Hogwarts, always open to improving or learning something new.
Baking and brewing potions are very similar activities, sometimes his mind morphs them together. In a strange way, it helps him understand each thing better. He loves the time he spends with his parents creating new things, it's the best part of his life. Plus, his parents are his favourite people, which is just an added bonus really.
As much as he loves being inside, James' second favourite thing to do is play Quidditch. His father says he has a knack for chasing, which he agrees with. He loves the satisfaction that comes with getting the Quaffle through the hoop each and every time he plays. When he was younger, his parents built him six hoops, three for one end of the expansive garden and three for the other. Depending on the day, either his mother or his father will end up outside with him on a broom in a heated game against of Quidditch.
"Oh, Jamie," Effie tuts affectionately, staring at her son's flour doused hands. "Go and wash those off in the bathroom."
He chuckles cheekily as he wanders out of the kitchen. It takes him longer than he thinks it should to get his hands clean again. When he is satisfied with their state, he goes back to the kitchen. James stops in the doorway when he finds the scene in front of him.
The cookies are in the oven now, the light shining through the almost black kitchen. In the centre, with flour chucked carelessly all up their clothes and sprinkled in their hair, his parents are wrapped up in each other; they're slow dancing in the middle of the kitchen, noses touching, both looking so content with their lives.
James feels like he's intruding on something he shouldn't be - something intimate - whenever he walks in on moments like these between his parents. It's addicting how much they love each other. He wants love like that. The kind that is nothing but beautiful. Like a painting or a glass vase. He wants a love that is eternal, just like his parents' love.
His brain reminds him he can't have that. He can't ever have an intimate relationship - romance or friendship - ever again.
Love can be beautiful, but it does not mean it will be eternal. For paintings can burn and decay, whilst glass vases can smash.
He remembers being much younger and asking if he would get what they had one day. His mother had whispered that Monty was her person. "We all have a person, Jamie," she'd breathed into his hair.
James found his person in Harry, his best friend, and oh how he messed that up spectacularly.
He tiptoes into the kitchen and slips himself in between his parents, they both laugh and allow it. They bundle him up in their arms and he feels as his heart expands in his chest, surely skipping a beat. He's going to miss them so much. They are each other's person, his parents are, so they will be ok without him. He is not so sure about himself.
Once the cookies are done, Effie lets James take them out of the oven (he doesn't burn himself this time!) and instructs him to lay them on a metal rack so that they have a chance to cool down before they add anything more to them.
They meander through to the living room where Monty sits on the floor beside the coffee table, completing his writing for the day - it's a hobby of his. Effie sits next to him, her back to the sofa where James is sitting, braiding his mother's hair. He likes to do it, it's relaxing. A bit like a puzzle. He'll do two plaits and then let it out, do two French plaits before letting it out again. It's their routine.
Effie and James speak about their day to each other and James is sure he talks his mother's ear off but she doesn't mind. So, he doesn't stop. If he can talk and talk and talk to anyone, it's his mother. Besides, she does it just as much as he does. So.
"Mollie is getting Mistress Effie to say the cookies are ready to being iced now," their house-elf calls from the kitchen area. James quickly unravels his mother's hair and they scurry off to the kitchen again.
"Here is the chocolate you is asking for," Mollie smiles as she hands Effie a pot of chocolate powder.
"Thank you, Mollie. You are dismissed for the rest of the night. Feel free to go and pester Monty."
With another grin, and a rather terrifying cackle, Mollie skips out of the kitchen. James almost wheezes when he hears his father's shriek. Oh, he loves Mollie. She's excellent!
"Chocolate?" He asks his mother, staring openly at the pot in her hand.
"Chocolate," she nods in response. "The best for these cookies. Goes stunningly with the cinnamon. If you mix this," Effie scoops a few big spoonful's of the chocolate powder into a blender, "with this," then splashes a small amount of milk in with it, "and press this... button..." There's a loud whirring noise, James hates it every time he hears it; it is far too loud. "There!"
She holds out the blender to him, encouraging him to try a bit of it. He dips his finger in there (after washing his hands, of course; this is not his first time in a kitchen, thank you very much) and has a taste. It's marvellous, is what it is. Like a chocolatey dream mixed with a drop of heaven and a sprinkle of rainbows. All the good stuff.
"Mmm," he hums.
His mother passes him a spatula and they get to icing the cookies. Effie's is admittedly better than James', but he doesn't mind. He hasn't quite mastered icing cookies yet. He'll get there one day. Afterwards, they sprinkle little star confetti (the colour of rainbows) onto the icing before it settles and then leaves them in the fridge until the following morning.
It's late now, almost eleven o'clock. James will be boarding the Hogwarts Express in twelve hours. That's half a day!
For the remainder of the night, James and Monty play an intense game of chess, whilst Effie reads a book. She's splayed out carelessly on the sofa, her hair freshly braided by James, who left them in this time. Once his dad wins for the fourth time in a row, James gives up and retires to the sofa. His mother tries her luck against Monty, but James knows no one can beat that man. He's horribly good at it.
James watches them play for a little while, until he feels himself drifting off. His parents don't seem to notice, too wrapped up in their game.
Safe, his brain calls.
Oh, he doesn't know how he's going to sleep at Hogwarts.
He has a horrid fear of being alone in the dark, it doesn't matter if it is him who is alone in the dark or if he knows someone else is alone in the dark. He just cannot stand it. The fear has an iron-tight hold on him that he can't release himself from. Hopefully, he'll be okay at Hogwarts knowing there are other people in the room with him (he's about ninety percent sure they still permit you to share the dormitories with other people in your house and year group).
Just as he does most nights, James dreams of Harry.
The dreams always range from ineffective to traumatising, but he would rather have none. All of them haunt him and he isn't sure how much longer he can handle it. His own brain attacks him every time he goes to sleep. It's cruel, yet he cannot help but think he deserves it.
James wakes the next morning, still on the couch, his mother has her arms wrapped around him, still sleeping away. He smiles lovingly at her. She's genuinely the best mum ever. He won. Okay? James' parents are the best. That is all.
He turns to find his father asleep on the opposite sofa and, just like he did the night before, feels the pang of adoration in his heart. He's leaving today and he is going to miss them both so much.
The sky outside the window is just darker than baby blue, only a few scarce clouds lingering. He thinks it might rain later, though he won't be in England later, and Scotland probably has different weather, being another country. Maybe it will rain there too.
James glances over at the clock on the mantelpiece and finds that the time is only 7:42am. They're driving to King's Cross, because his parents got a car back in the day and it turns out it actually will be useful for something. Finally. (They've used it maybe once since James was born.)
It's only a twenty-five minute drive. Technically, they don't have to leave until quarter past ten, if they want to give themselves an extra twenty minutes in case of traffic. That leaves them with two and a half hours until they have to leave. Two and a half more hours all together in this house.
"Mollie," James whispers.
The house-elf appears in front of him, having somehow mastered apparating silently. He asks her to make them some breakfast and then proceeds to gently wake his mother. Mollie, who James asked to wake up his father, prods Monty in the face sharply until he wakes up.
"Master Monty is sleeping with his glasses still on!" She flicks the tip of his nose as punishment and then titters off to the kitchen.
Monty stares stricken, whilst Effie and James giggle.
Once they've eaten, James goes up to his room to get ready. He packed his trunk yesterday, so he only has to chuck in a few essentials, but really he doesn't have to worry about that. Instead, he focuses on showering, getting dressed into his Hogwarts robes. Finally, he spends about forty minutes making sure his hair is absolutely perfect. James wouldn't say he's usually vain, except for when it comes to his hair. He was born with Potter hair - which he considers an honour - and it is very difficult to deal with. So, he usually just tries to style it in a way that looks purposefully messy.
He takes hold of his trunk, struggling slightly to drag it off his bed. It's bloody heavy. When he get's to his bedroom door, he turns once and looks at his room, memorising it. Memorising James Potter before Hogwarts. Life is about to change and he still doesn't know how he feels about that just yet.
Taking a deep breath, James smiles and reaches for the door, closing it behind him. He pulls his trunk down the corridor, grateful it has wheels, otherwise he would find it an impossible task. Mollie finds him at the top of the stairs and, with a snap of her fingers, teleports his trunk to the ground floor. He watches as it appears and follows behind it.
"Is Master Jamie being ok? You is being quieter lately," Mollie queries as she walks beside him.
"Yeah!" He says, a bit more enthusiastically than he feels. "I guess I'm just a little bit nervous, but I'll be fine. Thanks, Mollie. I'll miss you."
"Mollie will be missing you too."
James smiles down at the house-elf and then shrinks down onto his knees and presses a peck on top of Mollie's head. Her ears flap happily and she blushes before apparating out of the room.
"Ready to go?" Effie asks and James turns to find her standing a few feet behind him, his father beside her.
"Yeah," he nods and goes to grab his trunk. He jumps when it begins to float in the air and glances at his mother, whose wand is flicked up towards his trunk. She winks at him.
"Come on, we've got to be there in forty minutes."
James runs to the front door, sliding his red trainers on, and leads the way out of the door. He is ready. For Hogwarts. For Dumbledore. For all of it. He thinks...
They manage to arrive with ten minutes to spare; thankfully the traffic wasn't too bad.
"I'm going to keep the car running," his father says from the front seat. He leans back at the same time James leans forward. They hug and then Monty kisses his son's hair. James resists the urge to squirm away, he doesn't want his hair to be ruined. "See you at Christmas, James."
"Bye, dad. I love you."
"I love you too," Monty grins.
James and Effie exit the car and are suddenly in the centre of busy, public Muggle London. James has only been to the centre of Muggle London a couple of times, but he can't really remember the visits, he'd been too young. He smiles at the passing pedestrians and laughs as he watches people running towards the train station like their lives depend on it. He cocks his head in curiosity at the sight of Muggle men dressed in Muggle suits. He's seen them before but has never quite understood the appeal of them. So many layers.
James carries his trunk, insisting that his mother focus on leading the way instead. She gets James a trolley to hold his luggage, making it a bit easier to handle the weight. They find the barrier to the platform, a boring brick wall. Honestly, James doesn't understand how something so bland could be the gateway to something so magical.
He and his mum wait behind a girl, whose hair is black and bouncy-looking, and her parents. They keep staring untrustingly at the wall and then at their daughter, like they don't know if the barrier really exists. It is then when it hits James that they probably don't know if the barrier truly exists or not. They're probably Muggles, which means the young girl must be a Muggleborn.
Effie must realise this at the same moment, as she begins forward and asks if they need any help. The girl looks up at James' mum with wide, apprehensive eyes. James notices how long her eyelashes are, making her quite pretty. His mum says something else and the girl turns, meeting James' eyes. She smiles at him and he smiles shyly back before looking back down at his feet.
"James," his mother calls, so James tilts his head back up, finding that everyone in front of him is now looking at him. "Come on, we're all going to go through together."
James gulps. "Uh... mum? Can I just talk to you quickly? For a moment? Alone?"
"Of course, darling." She whispers something to the other family and then goes over to stand beside James. "What is it? Are you alright?"
"I'm... I'm afraid mum," James finally admits, feeling the tears that suddenly appear in his eyes. "I don't think... After Harry I don't know if I can-" He sighs. "He was my person, mum, and I don't know if I am capable of making any more friends."
"Oh, James," Effie brings him into her arms. He presses his face into her top, hoping to stop the tears from falling. "You don't only get one person. In fact, if you're lucky, you'll get multiple."
"That can happen?" James sniffles, pulling away a fraction to stare up at his mum.
She laughs softly and wipes away the stray tear that managed to escape. "Of course, darling. You really think your father is my only person? No. You're my person too. So are some of my friends from my own days at Hogwarts, as well as some after. Sometimes, it can be more special to have only one person, but most of the time it's much nicer to find a few of our own people."
"A few?"
"Yes, Jamie. I know you will find your people at Hogwarts, everyone does and so can you. I'm sure Mary wouldn't mind being your friend."
"Mary?" James asks. He wipes at his face and steps back, tightly gripping his trolley again.
"The young lady over there. She's very nice, a bit cheeky, but aren't we all?" Effie giggles and James catches it; his mother's laugh has always been contagious.
"Okay," James smiles. "Okay, I'm going to try."
"That's my boy." She kisses his hair, then they're making their way back over to Mary and her parents.
"Hello, I'm Mary Macdonald," she grins, revealing the dimples on each of her cheeks. James finds her endearing and has the sudden strange urge to squeeze her cheeks.
"Nice to meet you, I'm James Potter."
"Great. Now, if you're done crying we have a train to catch!" She grips onto one of James' arms, still holding onto her trolley with her other hand, and pushes them both forward. James squeals, startled, but begins to run too.
They burst through the wall, coming out smoothly on the other side. James gasps and gazes at the magnificent, crimson train before him. It's so beautiful. The platform itself is very basic-looking, but at least the brick walls are red here, rather than dreary grey. He looks at his surroundings, taking in all the people. There are a lot of people.
Mary releases his arm and urges him to follow her towards the train. James turns back and waves goodbye to his mother, who blows him a kiss and mouths the words "I love you". He mouths them back.
James is so busy concentrating on saying goodbye to his mother that he almost crashes into a boy and a woman, who James assumes must be the boy's mother. There's a gold chain held between them, James isn't sure who is giving it to who. He apologises quickly and tries to find Mary again, who is still just in front of him. The boy he almost stampeded with his trolley calls out, "Almost fell for you there!"
Surprised, James swivels around and finds the boy is still watching him. He winks and James can't stop the mad laugh that is ripped from deep in his chest.
It's a last minute decision really, but James decides to answer with a remark. "Would never have let you fall! I would've caught you!" He can hear the other boy's cackling laugh as he turns back towards the train.
He and Mary load their trunks onto the train. She drags him through the aisle and then stops when she finds a compartment with multiple people in it. James hesitates. Too many people.
"I think I'm actually going to go and find... someone. My friend. That I know," James stumbles and he can tell Mary knows he is lying, but she doesn't say so. Instead she asks if he is alright and then if he is sure - he answers yes to both - and then enters the compartment in front of her.
James has no idea where he is going. Preferably, he is going to find an empty compartment. The only problem is that they are all full already! He flinches as people pass him in the aisle, their bodies brushing against his, hot and sticky and overwhelming.
After a particularly big group of people have passed, he has to take a moment to breathe. James leans against the wall of the train, directly opposite a compartment. At first, he thinks it's empty and he sighs with relief. However, when he looks a bit closer, he notices that the space is already occupied.
Sitting, all alone, looking so infinitesimally small, is a boy. A scrawny boy, shorter than anyone James has ever seen who is their age. He's peering out the window, chin up and back as straight as the bench behind him. Black curls fall around his face, framing it in a dark halo. It contrasts spectacularly with the boy's snow-white skin.
There's something so lonely about him, James can't put his finger on it. He hates it when people are alone, it frightens him. Anything could happen to someone when they are alone and who would know? No one. You could just... vanish and no one would know where you were or why you were there. It's absolutely frightening and James can't handle it.
But this boy.
He's so perpetually alone; it's fiery and James can feel it burning him.
James decides to listen to his mother. She's always right anyway. Standing up straight and making sure his shoe laces are tied (he doesn't want to make a bad first impression, especially since the lonely boy is dressed head-to-toe in the fanciest dress robes James thinks he has ever seen), he puts his hand on the door of the compartment. He pulls it open, finding it lighter than he expected. The door slams into the frame and James watches as the boy, previously peaceful, jumps in alarm.
He is looking at him now and James realises he is smiling down at the boy, who examines him for a moment and then smiles back. It's only small, but it's something. James enters the carriage and sits opposite the tiny boy. The door closes gently behind him.
Notes:
Remus being a theatre/Church choir kid is canon.
So is farm-boy Remus.
Lyall and Hope <3
Lily and Regulus sneaking their ways into this chapter hehe
Harry Wilkins is very important in this fic..
Effie and Monty<3
Mollie<3"Pain shouldn't be something you become immune to over time" - I'm proud of this.
I'm not sure when the next update will be, I just felt like I NEEDED to introduce all of the main characters at the same time, because this is not just a Black Brother's fic.
See you soon!
Chapter 3: First Year: Friendship
Summary:
Friendships are made and friendships are broken.
Everyone is sorted into their rightful house!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
There is a brief mention of past child abuse and a internal threat of torture.
(I think those are all of the warnings, let me know if I've missed any!)Thank you so much for the support on this fic so far! ily <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The rest of the world was
black and white,
but we were screaming
in colour.
~Taylor Swift
Wednesday - 1st September, 1971
Regulus
The sound of his compartment door being opened and banged against the frame rips Regulus out of his daydream. He had been worrying that his mother would change her mind at the last minute and force him to be home schooled for the next seven years. So, to make himself feel better, he'd decided he would keep his eyes on her until she was out of sight, just to prove he really was free. For now.
His plan is, however, disrupted by a boy.
Regulus jumps in his seat and immediately stares at his intruder. It's a first-year boy, he can tell by the colour of his tie (since he's already got his robes on), which is still black. The first thing he notices are the two great, brown eyes shining down on him. Next, is the atrocity on his head, that someone generous enough may consider naming hair. Regulus, on the other hand, would say it looks more like a haystack.
The boy is smiling at him and he realises momentarily that he had been staring. Shyly, Regulus smiles back and the boy takes this as an invite to sit on the bench opposite him. His posture isn't as strict as Regulus' own, but it is adequate, which convinces Regulus that this must be a son of a Pureblood house. He's wearing red shoes that are scuffed and definitely favoured by the boy, due to how used they appear to be. This tells Regulus that whatever Pureblood family he comes from must be lenient; very much not like the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black then.
The final thing Regulus finds out about the boy just by watching him is that he is afraid. Regulus isn't sure why or what he could be afraid of. But he is sure of it. He is no stranger to cuticles that are picked to bleeding, nor is he a stranger to the relentless tick of a leg bouncing. It's not just that though. Behind his glasses, the boy's eyes are darting around, as if they aren't quite sure where to look.
Admittedly, Regulus finds himself fascinated by the boy. He doesn't seem to be afraid of leaving his home to go to Hogwarts, or of Regulus himself. No. If Regulus has to take a guess, he would say that he is afraid of something else. Something Regulus does not yet know of. He can see it in his eyes.
Oh, he's staring once again...
He comes to the realisation that he is going to have to be the one to speak first, lest they sit in silence for the next nine hours of their train journey.
"What is it?" Regulus asks before he can stop himself. Well, that probably wasn't the best way to start this, but he's done it now. His curiosity, as always, got the best of him.
The boy's eyes rest on him for the first time since he took his seat. Regulus can practically feel the vulnerability in them, emanating off him in energetic bursts.
"I'm sorry. What's what?"
"What are you afraid of?"
The eyes of the other boy widen with what Regulus is sure is surprise. He blinks rapidly and then settles his gaze back on Regulus. "Aren't you afraid too?"
"I asked my question first," Regulus retorts, smiling slightly to show he is not trying to be rude.
"You did, but I don't know how to answer your question. What am I afraid of?" He smiles and it is full of pity for no one but himself. Regulus wonders what could have possibly happened to this boy. Hopefully, nothing at all like what Regulus has had to deal with. He subconsciously scratches his left shoulder where his largest scar begins. "I am afraid of a lot of things. Though, if you would like to know my worst fear, it would be waking up with an acromantula spooning me in my bed."
He says it with so much seriousness in his face and voice that Regulus cannot help but laugh. It's just such an absurd thing to say.
"Honestly! It would be absolutely terrifying. Just imagine it's hairy legs wrapped around you whilst it's just snuggling you in your bed!"
Regulus clutches the edge of the bench as he breaks down into giggles. He listens as the other boy joins him in his laughing fit, still sitting across from him.
Once they've settled down a bit, and Regulus has concluded that the boy doesn't look so sad anymore, he asks the question he should have started off with.
"What's your name?"
"James." He beams as he takes off his glasses to wipe off a smudge that had been living on one of the lenses. "James Potter."
Oh.
Regulus recognises that name straight away. Where, you ask? Oh, just the handy dandy little list his mother made him before he left for Hogwarts. A list that consists completely of people he is not allowed to befriend.
'Potter' had been at the very top of the list.
He glances back at the boy - James - who is still smiling brightly at him. James seems so kind and gentle, almost careful like he is afraid of breaking the friendship they haven't even begun to build yet. What could be so bad about him? Okay, so he comes from a family of blood-traitors. Who cares? Regulus doesn't really understand the whole blood purity thing, it's just never made any sense to him.
So what if he befriends a Potter? It won't matter if his mother doesn't find out... right?
"I'm Regulus Black."
"Regulus?"
"Yeah, I know it's a bit-"
"Like the star?"
Regulus blinks. He's always sort of hated his name, it being so long and ugly. He had, however, always liked the way he was named after a star. As were most people in his family. It was the only reason he wasn't planning to change it as soon as he could. Besides, it was tradition to name your child after an ancestor in the Black family. A tradition that Regulus will one day enjoy killing.
"That is what I was named after."
"You don't like it?" James questions, staring at him as if he already knows Regulus well.
"Not really. It's fine, just too old-fashioned for my liking."
"Fair enough. I don't understand why so many wizards and witches call their children by such strange names. If you don't like it, I can always call you Reg?"
Regulus frowns, turning it over in his head.
Reg.
No one has ever given him a nickname before, unless you count when he was little and Bellatrix would chase after him whilst he tried to get away, calling out "Reggiekins!" He shudders at the thought.
"Unless you don't like that either?"
Regulus shakes his head and stares at James, who is sitting in front of him, looking a bit panicked. He realises that he hadn't actually answered the question.
"It's alright. I don't mind it," he responds with a tentative smile. "What should I call you?"
"Just James," James shrugs.
"Ok, just James."
James barks out a joyous laugh and Regulus can't help but smile at the sound of it. It's like the sound of the stars twinkling or of the sunrays hitting the earth. Bright and loud and beautiful. Regulus thinks he could grow used to that sound. Though, he isn't sure he'll get the chance to. James will obviously not end up in Slytherin, where Regulus is bound to go. He's a Potter, for Merlin's sake. Plus, he's... James.
Regulus doesn't know if that reasoning makes any sense yet. James cannot be a Slytherin because of many things: he is kind, he is a Potter, his smile is too bright, he is James. Maybe those aren't actually obstacles in the way of the Slytherin house, but Regulus just knows that James Potter will not end up in the pit of snakes.
And Slytherins are only ever friends with Slytherins. It's like a law of nature. Regulus is sure James will end up in Gryffindor, which is definitely forbidden. If a Slytherin were to befriend a Gryffindor, the sun would not shine on them. The rain would not water them. They would be left in the shadows until they crumple and die. It's a law of nature.
"Reg?"
James has ceased his laughing now and has, apparently, decided to move seats too. Regulus turns to find James sitting mere centimetres away from him. His eyes look bigger from close up and Regulus can see that there is something that looks like dried sugar clumping in the corner of his glasses frame. It makes the glasses look smudged and blurred. Regulus cannot imagine how James is not annoyed by that.
"Oh. I hadn't noticed how blue your eyes were." James smiles and Regulus feels a dam inside of him break. Water floods and he feels as it soars through his blood to his brain and lungs and heart.
Regulus gulps, suddenly uncomfortable by the lack of space between them. He's nervous, he can tell because his heart is attacking his ribcage right now. Slowly, he shuffles back a bit and James takes notice, apologising and moving further away.
Regulus can't help but feel a bit disappointed.
This silence is getting long. Say something. Ask him something.
"Where do you live?"
"Oh, we have ourselves a stalker!" James grins, quirking his eyebrows up until they're almost tickling his hairline.
"I- what- no! I didn't mean that at all! I just-"
"Reg, I'm only messing with you." James shakes his head, looking fondly at Regulus' pathetic excuse of a person. "I live in London. Hampstead area."
Regulus perks up, previous hiccup forgotten. "I live in London too."
"Really? Where abouts? Perhaps we could visit each other in the summer!"
Regulus opens his mouth to answer and then remembers that James is a Potter and his parents are... well, his parents. They would never accept James as Regulus' Potions partner, let alone friend. He sighs, thinking about this little loss. Especially, because Regulus lives in Knightsbridge, which is only an hour and a half walk...
"Oh... complete opposite end. I wouldn't be allowed friends over anyway, my parents are a bit strict about letting people into their home." It's his first lie to his first friend. He feels guilty about it as soon as he's said it. However, he supposes he is protecting James from Walburga's wrath. He would never purposefully insert Walburga into someone's life. Besides, he didn't lie completely. His mother would never let a Potter into her home, not unless he were a blood-purist like her.
James' face drops in disappointment, but it is short-lived. Only a moment later, he sits up, practically glowing as he announces, "You can come to mine."
Regulus goes to say that his mother wouldn't allow that either, but doesn't want to have to explain why. How would that even sound? Oh, sorry. No, I actually can't come to your house because my mother is a racist who would attempt to curse your parents during the child drop-off, and then would probably try to finish the job on the pick-up.
Absolutely not.
Instead, Regulus lies again with a simple "Okay", which seems to satisfy James enough for him to drop the subject.
The next hour flies by, with James telling Regulus about his parents mostly, of whom he obviously adores with everything he has. He briefly mentions that he's never really had a friend before, which Regulus immediately relates with, but the subject moves along swiftly. Regulus gets the impression that James is hiding something, but he doesn't pry. They haven't known each other even two hours yet, he doesn't have the right to ask intrusive questions.
The trolley witch came by about half an hour ago. James bought enough sweets to fill every single one of his pockets, of which he tells Regulus he has eight. Regulus buys a Chocolate Frog and calls it a day.
James offers Regulus some of his own sweets half a dozen times. Every single time Regulus denies him, but says "Thank you".
They ask each other endless questions back and forth. Regulus finds himself getting so comfortable in James' presence, that he allows his posture to slip slightly and stops annunciating every word as if he is a pompous old man whose talking about something just as uninteresting as the weather.
Regulus has never had a friend before, but he is sure that the small things he learns about James are things friends would usually know about each other. For example, he knows that James' favourite colour changes every day, but today it is blue. He knows that James loves to bake, especially with his mother. He knows that he is excellent at Potions and that his father, Fleamont Potter, invented Sleakeazy's Hair Potion. James loves Quidditch and hopes to one day be a Chaser on the team of whatever house he ends up in. He knows that James grew up in London and that he is afraid to go into the woods behind his house, though he would not explain why. He knows that James Potter has secrets he is afraid to share, afraid to even own. But Regulus likes this about him, because he has secrets too. You don't grow up in a house as dark as the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black and come out untainted.
He opens himself up a bit too. James finds out that Regulus' favourite colour is yellow after the stars, that he too likes Potions and is rather good at the subject. That Regulus likes Muggle things, especially Muggle art. He tells James about the painting of the woman in the garden, Reverie, and how he fears she may have been put there by the Muggles. Trapped and alone forever. James doesn't tell him he is ridiculous. In fact, he seems just as confused and worried by the still portraits as Regulus is.
"How do they stay still for so long?" James questions, brows furrowed in thought.
"No idea. They don't even blink or breathe or anything. It's like... a statue but... flat."
"That sounds horrifying."
"It honestly is a bit."
They both stare at each other in horror and then, at the same time, burst into fits of laughter. It is at that moment that the door to their compartment opens for the first time since James arrived. James is still laughing, apparently not having heard the interloper enter.
Regulus. Well, quite frankly, he is annoyed.
How dare someone interrupt this moment! He's never felt this freedom before and now it is being stolen from him, almost as quickly as he claimed it.
His eyes narrow in on the person in the doorway. There is a small crowd behind him, all apparently waiting to be let in. Well, Regulus won't let them. They'll simply just have to leave.
The boy at the front places his hands on his hips. He completely ignores Regulus' presence, going right for James.
"You!" He points, one hand still on his hip, making him look like a disturbed old woman. Regulus almost laughs. Almost.
James has stopped laughing now, but is still beaming. He glances at Regulus and then at the new boy. "Me?"
"Yes! I have been up and down this whole bloody train trying to find the boy who promised he wouldn't let me fall. Where on earth have you been hiding?" His accent is strange, Regulus thinks. It's got an upper-class primness to it, with a gruff, Southern tinge. Regulus notices specifically that he rolls his r's when he speaks and sometimes drops his h's.
"Right!" James nods. "You're the locket boy."
Locket boy?
"Locket? Oh! Yes, I was giving that to my mum as a present. Found it in the ocean, would you believe?"
"Would you like to come in?" James gestures to the empty seats left in the carriage and Regulus internally groans. He is sure that on the outside he only looks mildly irritated.
"Yeah. I've got a bit of a crowd though, are you sure it's ok?"
"Of course!" James replies.
As the people start pouring in, Regulus straightens his back again. He will not be relaxing in front of this many people. Absolutely not. He has an image to maintain. James doesn't count, he is Regulus' friend.
The boy at the front of the crowd sits opposite James. He's dressed in a grunge-looking t-shirt and tattered jeans. Regulus grimaces in distaste. Two more boys follow in after him, sitting down on the bench beside him. First, is a boy as short as Regulus, his hair golden-blonde and curling at the tips. He has a naturally afraid face, Regulus can tell. The third boy looks the complete opposite of the second; he's much taller and has tanned, freckled skin and brown hair and eyes. Regulus notices a couple of scars etched on his hands. He averts his eyes immediately, knowing the dread that comes with people noticing your scars. It's sickening.
Another two people follow in after them and Regulus almost screams. A boy and a girl, clearly siblings by the amount of identical features they share. They must be twins. Regulus knows they are because he's seen them before. Both with hair so blonde that it looks white.
So, they are real. And they are right in front of him.
His fearful realisation only grows worse when the girl sits in the seat beside him, practically dragging her brother to sit next to her. Just as Regulus remembered. The confident girl and the shy boy.
"Regulus," the girls smiles sweetly at him before pulling him into an abrupt hug. He doesn't hug her back, too startled by the action altogether. When she pulls away, she adds, "I've missed you."
"You..." Regulus blinks harshly, trying to remember how to speak. "You remember me?"
"Of course, silly." She turns and gestures to her brother. "This is Evan, I'm not sure if you remember, and I'm Pandora Rosier."
Regulus is about to introduce himself (even though the girl - Pandora - apparently already remembers him) when the boy who first intruded beats him to it.
"I'm Sirius Tonks!" He calls, smiling around at everyone in the carriage. His eyes land on Regulus for the first time and for a moment they just look at each other. Regulus stares into blue eyes and he already hates them. Who does this boy think he is? Bursting in here, interrupting Regulus' conversation with his old friend (?). It's just plain rude.
Tonks tries smiling at him, but Regulus does not return it. Instead, he glares at him with so much force that he could swear he almost shatters the window.
"I am Regulus Black."
Tonks' head quirks to the side and a bemused smile forms on his face. "Black," he hums. "I think I may have heard of your family before. In passing."
"Really? But Tonks is a Muggle name. How could you possibly have heard of us?" Regulus can hear the venom in his own voice and it frightens even him. He isn't sure why his irritation is so strong, but it is.
"I'm a Half-blood actually," Tonks says, smile dropping from his face. "You got a problem with that, Black ?"
"Not at all, Tonks. I am not a blood-purist." His eyes drop to the floor as he thinks of his family, of the reputation he will have to uphold just to continue surviving. They would never kill him, being the only heir to the House of Black. But that wouldn't stop his mother from torturing him into an inch of his life. He has a part to play and, if he has to, he'll play it.
"Really? Because you're kind of sounding like one."
"I'm not!" Regulus turns to James, who's gaze is frantically switching from Regulus' to Tonks'. Eventually, James murmurs, "It did sound kind of bad, Reg."
Regulus feels the betrayal cut through him, deep and jagged and careless. His first friend. This isn't how friendship is supposed to work. You're meant to stick up for each other. Regulus didn't mean to say what it sounded like... he didn't. He really doesn't want to be like his mother.
He stands and grabs his carry-on from the shelf above his seat, ignoring James who is saying something to him. He can't hear him, it's like a distant call from miles away that doesn't quite reach his ears, all incoherent. Then, he opens the carriage door just enough to be able to escape, and leaves without so much as a glance behind him. Never mind friendship. He doesn't need it.
Someone loops their arm through his and he turns to find Pandora arm-in-arm with him. She smiles, her eyes crinkling, and whispers, "I know that isn't what you meant, Regulus."
Evan comes up beside him, taking his case and offering him a small smile, telling Regulus that he too knows that isn't what he meant. Regulus thanks them both. He remains arm-in-arm with Pandora until they find a carriage; and even then, she doesn't let him go completely. By the time they pull into Hogsmeade Station, Regulus finds himself giggling with Evan, whilst Pandora's head rests in his lap and he plays with strands of her hair.
This.
This is friendship.
***
Wednesday - 1st September, 1971
Sirius
Sirius watches Black slip out of the compartment and leave without looking back. He feels a bit bad, especially considering he did sort of intrude on whatever he and James were doing. The blonde twins follow after him, the boy sending a narrow-eyed glower back at Sirius.
Silence takes it's place in the suddenly empty bench. Sirius stares at it. He wishes Xenophilius was here, he always knows what to say. Unfortunately, he told Sirius that he "isn't supposed to be here for this part". Sirius no longer questions when Xeno says things that don't really make sense. Now, he just lets him get on with it, knowing it makes Xeno feel more comfortable.
Sirius and Xeno had picked up Peter on their journey up the train. Sirius' mission had been to find the boy who actually understood his joke! But he kept getting distracted on the way. First, he had found himself in a carriage full of first years, just like himself. He'd met a girl called Mary Macdonald, the one who had walked past him with the boy he was looking for. He'd thought he was lucky enough to find him right away, but alas, he had been wrong. Still, he and Xeno introduced themselves to the carriage full of people. After Mary there had been a boy named Frank Longbottom, then a couple of girls named Marlene McKinnon and Florence Spring. Opposite those two had been Alice Fortescue and Barty Crouch, who were the only people there who had come together, just like he and Xeno had. Except, unlike them, Alice and Barty had apparently grown up together and were best friends.
Xeno had been the one to drag them away, saying they had to carry on. Sirius and Peter - who honestly did not seem to mind where they were going, so long as he had someone to sit with, the poor thing - agreed. Sirius was still looking for the boy.
It had been a couple of compartments down when Sirius opened a door only to crash right into a lamppost. Well, a person, but they were the height of a bleeding lamppost.
He would later find out that this was Remus Lupin.
Sirius decided right then and there that he was going to keep him. So, he clutched onto his hand and pulled him along with them. It wasn't until the second hour of the train ride that they found who they were looking for.
Now, here they are, and Sirius knows he ruined something. He should have just kept his mouth shut or ignored his reckless instinct and stayed in the original carriage with Xeno and Mary, Frank and the two girls, Alice and Barty.
The empty sound contorts uncomfortably and Sirius can practically feel it squeezing beneath his nails and into his body, possessing him.
To his surprise, Remus is the one to act. Clearing his throat, Remus hesitantly sits beside James and holds out a hand. His lips lift up slightly in one corner, a timid expression. "Hello, I'm Remus."
"Uh..." James hesitates before introducing himself for the second time. "I'm-"
"James, yeah. You've said," Remus chuckles lightly. It sounds how Sirius imagines water does when you poke it and it ripples out in perfect circles. Smooth and even. "That is Peter," he points to the boy beside Sirius, who looks as if he is actively trying to conceal himself within the seat cushions. "And you've met Sirius. I don't think he meant to drive your friend away. I've only just met him myself, but he let me follow him because I had no one to sit with, so he is nice. Swear."
Sirius flinches when James turns his gaze on him. He doesn't appear to be angry, just mildly put-out by the fact his friend left him.
"I really am sorry," Sirius whispers, voice full of seriousness. "I didn't mean to... I just can be a bit sensitive about that because my dad got a lot of discrimination about his blood, which is completely ridiculous. And my mum doesn't talk to her family and hasn't once since I was born because they were all blood purists. So, I get a bit protective over her, I guess." He realises he is rambling and immediately shuts his mouth, an audible snap resounds as he does so. "Sorry."
At some point during his rant, his eyes had wandered to the floor. He notices this now and looks back up to James, expecting to find him angry, or maybe he's not even listening to what Sirius has to say. But instead, James' face portrays only gentle understanding.
"It's okay. I had only just met him myself. He was... sweet." Sirius watches as James' face glows faintly pink and his eyes shine with something like apprehension. It intrigues him, even if he doesn't quite understand the meaning of it.
"Sweet?" Peter bursts out, almost making Sirius jump.
James smiles softly, eyes distant. "Yeah. His favourite colour is yellow. He's shy, but I still managed to make him laugh. He's named after a star-"
"So am I," Sirius thinks aloud. "Wizards are so strange. Why can't we just have normal names like... well," he gestures to the two boys before him, "James and Peter?"
"That's exactly what I said!" James exclaims. "It's so weird. My parents' names are literally Euphemia and Fleamont! Where did those even come from?"
"Just wait until you hear my mum's name," Sirius chortles, "Andromeda."
"After the galaxy?"
"I suppose," Sirius shrugs. "She said her entire family were named after astronomical things, mainly stars. Although, she had said once that one of her aunts was named after an asteroid."
James snorts at this. "By the way you described your mother's family, being named after a destructing asteroid makes sense. No offence."
"Literally zero taken," Sirius retorts straight away. "Couldn't care less about them. What about you Remus? Pete? What are your parents called? Bet you can't beat Andromeda."
"My mum is a Muggle, so she's called Hope," Remus answers first. "Pretty average. My dad is Lyall, which I guess you could count as strange. I've never come across another Lyall before."
"That is strange. Again- Wizards," Sirius turns to James, shaking his head and widening his eyes comically, acting as if he is disapproving of all peculiar Wizard activity. James giggles and Sirius gives his attention back to Remus. "Still not a winner, unfortunately. Pete?"
Peter perks up, enjoying the easy subject. "My father is called Faustus and my mother's name is Chdyiscium."
"That definitely beats Andromeda!" James declares at the same time Remus announces that Peter is the winner.
"How do you even spell that?" Sirius chuckles. "I can't wait to have kids and name them all kind of random things! Whatever I can think of really. I think that's what most Wizards tend to do anyway. The facts prove me to be right."
"You can't just name your kids any combination of letters you can come up with," Remus says, watching Sirius as if he is crazy.
"Of course I can! Ktsaylin will be my daughter and Uiorpheuml will be my son."
James and Peter hide their faces in the hands to subdue their laughter, whilst Remus' eyes only grow more playfully challenging. Sirius accepts the challenge by raising an eyebrow.
They bicker back and forth until Peter almost falls to the ground as he attempts to clutch his stomach to prevent himself from laughing to death.
"Hey!" James calls, nose squished against the window. "I think we're nearly here!"
"Oh, better get changed into our robes then," Sirius suggests, gesturing to himself, Peter and Remus. James is already in his robes.
He stands and reaches up for his trunk, but stops when he realises neither of the other two boys are doing the same. They look a bit afraid. Remus is staring adamantly at the floor, whilst Peter is fidgeting nervously with the cuff of his sleeve.
"Do you think we could all, uh, turn around? When we're... getting undressed," Peter stutters. Sirius looks over at Remus to confirm that this is also what he had been worried about. The other boy looks relieved that Peter had been brave enough to say something about it.
"Of course," Sirius nods, instantly turning enough so that he can't see any of the boys. He doesn't have a problem with people seeing him. After all, he spends most of his days lazing about half-naked on the beach. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees as James twists in his seat until he is completely facing the window.
"This way to the boats!" Sirius watches in wonder as a man more than double the size of his height approaches the first years. They all follow him, listening as he introduces himself as "Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper."
Whilst everyone else gapes at the giant man, the girl from before - Pandora - skips towards him and starts up a conversation. He watches as Hagrid's beetle-black eyes shine down at her, a joyful smile blooming under his great, wild beard.
Sirius, James, Remus and Peter share a boat. From the middle of the lake, Sirius spots Xeno. He's on the boat that holds Black and the blonde twins. It irritates him a bit, but he swallows that feeling and waves at him instead. Xeno waves back and nudges Pandora before pointing at Sirius. She glances over at him and, to Sirius' bemusement, smiles at him before lifting her hand into a friendly wave. He returns it.
The boats merge into a paddock beneath the school, grand stone steps greet them and Hagrid leads them up into the entryway of the castle. They come to another set of stairs, which is where Hagrid leaves them, instructing them to climb up until they find someone called Professor McGonagall.
Sirius and Remus are at the front of the group of first years, with James and Peter not too far behind. They come to a halt at the top of the stairs, where they come face-to-face with... a cat. Whilst Remus squeals with what Sirius thinks is fear, Sirius fawns over it. He leans down and starts gently scratching behind it's ears. The cat lets him for only a moment, but quickly steps back and, to Sirius' utter horror, transforms into an elderly witch.
He gasps and stares up into the emerald eyes that are set on him now. He gets the sudden urge to apologise, but doesn't know if it would only further prove his idiocy to the entire year group.
The witch trails her gaze up and down Sirius' form, a spark of recognition flitters through her eyes, before she settles her focus on the group as a whole. "Good evening, first years, my name is Professor McGonagall. I am the Transfiguration teacher, as well as the Deputy-Headmistress of Hogwarts. Now, once we walk through these doors the sorting ceremony will begin." She begins in the direction of the doors, but turns at the last minute, looking over at the crowd once more. "Oh, and please refrain from petting me when I am in my animagus form, thank you." Her eyes set on Sirius for a second and he feels himself flush hotly.
From beside him, he hears Remus snort and elbows him in the ribs. The other boy winces, but before Sirius can even feel bad, Remus elbows him back with double the amount of force.
"No scuffling," McGonagall snaps as they enter the hall. Sirius and Remus stop their attempts and instead try their absolute best not to giggle.
Sirius' eyes wander around the hall, taking in all the sights. The specially carved stone gargoyles and medieval sconce's fitted to the walls that have fire breathing within them. The long mahogany tables, one for each house. The windows that are made of stained-glass, reminding Sirius a bit of the Church down the road from his house, not that he has ever gone. It's a Muggle Church, and Sirius is a Wizard.
His mouth falls open as he notices the ceiling or, more accurately, the lack thereof. The stars shine above him, dancing in a fountain of purples and blues. The moon, almost full, sits in the corner observing everything. Sirius grins, he always has liked the stars.
When he peers over at Remus, he becomes aware that the other boy is not so proud of the ceiling. In fact, he looks rather afraid of it. Sirius takes another look at it and thinks he knows why.
"Are you afraid the candles will fall on you?" He whispers, knocking the back of Remus' hand with his own.
"No," Remus gulps in response. "Just... don't really like the magic."
"But it's so beautiful," Sirius argues quietly, trying not to attract McGonagall's attention.
"Perhaps for you, Mr Star." Remus smirks, now facing Sirius instead of the ceiling. "Others don't find as much comfort in the night sky."
Sirius doesn't get a chance to figure out how he will respond to this, because they have stopped and are now at the front of the hall. McGonagall summons a stool, and with it come a crusty, old hat. Sirius wonders what on earth that hat could have gone through to look like that.
He grimaces at it.
"Now, when I call out your name, come forth and I shall place the sorting hat upon your head for it to tell us your house." She gestures to the haggard hat and Sirius feels tears prick in his eyes at the thought of having that on his head. Growing up in an antiques shop, he has seen his fair share of old things, even abused items. But this. Absolutely not. No. It looks as if it has had one million greasy people wear it, then chuck it into a fish-gutting machine, pull out the tattered pieces and attempt to sew them back together again.
"Avery, Gasper," McGonagall calls.
A boy with auburn hair steps forward, a nervous gurn distorting his features. He has to hop a bit just to reach the stool. As soon as the hat is placed atop of his head, some creases open widely, resembling a mouth and eyes.
Avery gasps and Sirius is unsure why. He looks around the room, as if looking for someone, but evidently evidently is not satisfied with the lack of results. He looks back up at the hat at the same moment it yells, "Slytherin!"
Cheers rush from the Slytherin table and McGonagall sends Avery on his way.
"Black, Regulus," is the next name.
This gathers a bit more attention, which gives Sirius the impression that the Black's are a well-known name amongst the Wizarding community.
Black gracefully walks over to the stool, also having to hop to fit. Suddenly, James is at Sirius' side, watching intensely. It doesn't take long, however, for the hat to announce, "Slytherin!"
James' shoulders sag as Black makes his way over to the Slytherin table, who are clearly very pleased that they have already claimed two students.
The sorting ceremony carries on, with more students going to Slytherin and the Bones twins going to Hufflepuff. Barty Crouch goes to Slytherin, to which Sirius notices Alice's disappointment. The Carrows both go to Slytherin. Both the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables look a bit put-out by the lack of students in their houses so far.
The first Gryffindor to be sorted is Azalia Edgecombe, shortly followed by a girl named Lily Evans. The next person to be sorted is Benji Fenwick, who ends up being the first new Ravenclaw of the evening. Alice Fortescue goes to Gryffindor.
When Xenophilius is sorted into Ravenclaw, Sirius beams at him. He could have predicted that and he is sure Xeno already had with his seer abilities.
"Lupin, Remus."
Sirius wishes him luck and declares quietly to him that he will be friends with him no matter what house he ends up in. After all, his parents were, by Hogwarts societal terms, never meant to like each other, and they ended up married!
Remus sits on the stool easily with his height. The hat is barely on him a second - the quickest sorting of the evening - before it has already decided.
"Gryffindor!"
Remus wilts with relief as a smile blooms across his face. Sirius sends him an enthusiastic thumbs up.
Mary MacDonald goes to Gryffindor along with Marlene McKinnon, whilst Dorcas Meadowes and Shania Murton go to Slytherin.
Peter Pettigrew has the longest hat stool so far, but the hat eventually decides that Gryffindor is the place for him.
"Potter, James."
Sirius watches as James hesitates for a second too long, so he gives him a little nudge. James wanders slowly over the stool, apparently not as excited as everyone else. The hat is placed on his head and, almost as quick as Remus' go, it calls out "Gryffindor!" James looks so surprised by this that he almost trips off the stool. Sirius glances over at the Slytherin table, finding Black straight away. His eyes have not left James making his way over to the Gryffindor table and taking his place in between Remus and McKinnon.
"Rosier, Evan" goes to Slytherin and Sirius watches as his sister "Rosier, Pandora" is put in Ravenclaw. He actually feels bad for them too, especially after sneaking a quick peek over at Evan, who looks absolutely devastated by the turn of events. Barty, who Sirius is rather fond of, is sitting on one side of him, whispering something that makes him smile. While Black sits on his other side, staring longingly over at the Ravenclaw table.
Kingsley Shacklebolt is placed in Ravenclaw. Someone called Severus Snape, whose face looks as sour as the salty ocean, is sorted into Slytherin. Florence Spring goes to Hufflepuff.
"Tonks, Sirius."
Sirius practically skips over to the stool, eager to find out where he truly belongs. Will it be Slytherin like his mother? Hufflepuff like his father? Ravenclaw with Xeno? Or maybe even Gryffindor with Remus and James and Peter?
Honestly, they all sound brilliant to him.
"Hello... Tonks," a voice vibrates through his ears, making Sirius jump. Who was that? It laughs. "I am the sorting hat, of course."
Had he asked that out loud?
"No, but I can see your every thought. How else do you expect me to know where to place you?"
Huh... Okay, then. Where do I belong, Mr Hat?
"It's difficult. I didn't expect to get two today and I've already done my duty. Though, I suppose your lineage doesn't apply to you, knowing your present situation. You could go in Hufflepuff... but no, you're too impatient. Too reckless to be a Ravenclaw, even with your sharp mind. Slytherin could be adequate, but I think your recklessness takes away the resourcefulness you need to be a Slytherin. I am making history with this decision... Gryffindor!"
Sirius... is very confused. He only understands half of what the hat had been rambling on about. What had it meant by 'didn't expect to get two today' ?
Two what ?
He tries not to dwell on it now and instead smirks as he takes his seat beside Mary MacDonald. "Ah, MacDonald, long time no see. How long has it been? Seven- no, eight hours? I've missed you."
"Oh, stop it, Tonks," she shoves him playfully. He grins at the way her cheeks flush and then turns his attention on James and Remus, who are seated opposite him.
"Hey! We're all together!" Sirius exclaims excitedly. "This is going to be the best seven years of our lives, boys!"
"Sirius," Remus interrupts, immediately gathering Sirius' full attention. "This is Frank Longbottom. He's going to be in the dorm with us too."
"Nice to meet you, Franky-boy!"
Frank smiles uncertainly at James and Remus. Peter is the one who speaks up next. "He ate too many sweets on the train. It's the sugar."
Everyone around him laughs and Sirius isn't sure why, but can't stop himself from laughing with them.
Gryffindor... who would've thought?
Notes:
Regulus and James. What they were and what they could have been
"He has a part to play and, if he has to, he'll play it" is the most Regulus thing I've ever heard.
"One of her aunts was named after an asteroid" - Andromeda referencing Walburga...I hope you had fun with this one! I tried to make it very light-hearted since we've started quite rough <3
Chapter 4: First Year: Hogwarts
Summary:
Remus makes a new friend.
James panics when one of his friends goes missing.
Notes:
Strap in for this one.
WARNINGS:
-mention/description of Remus' seizures (I described them in the same way I've experienced them before)
-struggles with social anxiety
-mention of autophobia
-someone faints from lack of food and sleep deprivation (no ED, just a one off)
-a bit of self-deprication :(I think that's all! If you don't want to read this because of the warnings above, I completely understand. Take care of yourselves! As always, if I've missed any warnings let me know and I'll fix it as soon as possible! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
We tried the world, good God,
it wasn't for us.
~Hozier
Wednesday - 1st September, 1971
Remus
Once the headmaster excuses them from the hall, Remus and the other Gryffindors follow the Head Boy and Girl, where they are attempting to shepherd them towards Gryffindor Tower. Remus knows he is supposed to go and pay Professor McGonagall a little visit now, as instructed in his Hogwarts letter. It had specified that he must find the Head of whichever house he may end up in to discuss how they are going to work with his condition, rather than around it. Ignoring it would do no one any good.
He makes his way to the front of the group and falls into step with the Head Boy, who he found out is called Arthur Weasley.
"Oh, hello there! Have you got a question? Want to hear a joke?" The boy asks, using a peppy sort of voice that brings comfort to Remus. He had been afraid that he would have to wait until all of the directions were given for Arthur to even listen to him.
"Umm, no sorry. I was just wondering where McGonagall's office might be? She said she needs to see me for... er..." Remus' mind goes blank and he feels a surge of panic bubble in his stomach. Luckily for him, Arthur doesn't seem to pay this any mind, immediately promising him that once he's shown him the way to the tower, he will drop him off at McGonagall's office.
Remus smiles appreciatively and morphs back into the group of students. Before he can find his new friends, however, his attention is caught by a familiar voice calling his name.
"Remus!" The girl from the bookshop in Diagon Alley calls. He turns around, catching sight of her red hair, it acting as a beacon guiding him towards her. "Hello! We're both in Gryffindor! How lucky is that? Maybe we'll be paired in some classes." She loops an arm through his and Remus feels himself stiffen. Lily, he remembers is her name, continues to ramble on as if this isn't peculiar.
Are they friends? Remus doesn't think so, though he wouldn't be opposed to it. Consuming this knowledge, he mentally shrugs, thinking why not. He and Lily can be friends.
Sirius, James and Peter find him when he is deeply immersed in a conversation between Lily and a girl called Alice. Her best friend, Barty, had been placed in Slytherin, to Alice's disappointment. She had hoped that they would be in the same house, not wanting to be separated by the house rivalry. Remus and Lily both act as a force to try and convince her that she shouldn't let something as petty as an ancient rivalry between the school's founders effect her relationship between her and her childhood friend.
"Look who's all popular already!" Sirius remarks as he comes up beside Remus, James and Peter beside him. "Are you going to introduce us?"
"I'm Lily Evans," Lily responds primly, turning her nose up a bit at the sight of Sirius. "And you are?"
"Sirius Tonks," he grins back at her. Sirius either doesn't sense the hostility in Lily's tone or ignores it. "Hey, weren't you sitting on the train with that Snape kid?"
"Yes, he's my friend. So, try not to be so heartless next time." Lily sends Sirius a look so fierce that Remus feels a bit scared himself.
"Heartless?" Sirius gasps, slapping a hand against his chest. "Pete, you wouldn't say I was heartless, would you?"
"Not anymore heartless than Snape had been," Peter proudly reasons in their direction.
"Exactly. I only stuck up for myself," Sirius smiles, getting in the last word. He anchors himself forward to stare past Lily at Alice, aiming for another introduction to fly his way. Remus quickly gets the impression that Sirius likes knowing who he is surrounded by, and stores this information away into a box in his head labelled 'Sirius'.
They arrive at the tower and Molly Prewett, the Head Girl, tells them the password. It is after that when Arthur signals for Remus to follow him, clearly trying to be as subtle as possible, Remus is thankful for it. Arthur guides him through long halls, all with marble floors and chipped-stone walls that are decorated by hundreds of portraits, all moving and welcoming. He waves at a few of them.
"Are you happy you ended up in Gryffindor then?" Arthur asks suddenly and Remus jumps; he'd almost forgotten he was there, too busy indulging in the beauty of the castle.
Remus shrugs and then realises this is probably rude, so he says, "I thought I would end up in Ravenclaw."
"Really? I'm surprised by that," Arthur comments. Remus looks at him, confused, so Arthur adds, "Because you had the quickest sorting this year."
"Oh... yeah, I'm not sure how that happened," Remus mumbles, scuffing his shoes against the flagstones.
"So, why did you think you would end up in Ravenclaw, Remus?"
"My father was in Ravenclaw, so I just assumed..."
"You know, not all members of a family are placed into the same house," Arthur says, patting Remus gently on the shoulder in an act of kindness. Remus thinks about the Rosier twins and how Evan had gone to Slytherin, whilst Pandora had been put in Ravenclaw. Honestly, when he thought about it those placements made sense, it was just a bit upsetting. He couldn't imagine having a twin, a by-blood-best-friend, only to be separated.
They arrive at McGonagall's office and Arthur informs him that he'll wait outside so that he can escort him back to Gryffindor Tower and make sure he doesn't get lost. Remus thinks this is a good idea because he has absolutely no idea where his dormitory is.
Remus knocks on the door, which opens of it's own accord as soon as he pulls his fist away. McGonagall, a severe-looking witch, is sitting behind her desk, wearing rectangular glasses that have slipped down to the end of her nose. She glances up when she notices Remus is waiting in the doorway, a friendly smile forming on her face. McGonagall waves her hand, gesturing for him to come in and take a seat. He does.
"Good evening, Mr Lupin. How are you? Did you enjoy the feast?"
Remus feels his anxiety creep up on him and begins to falter physically. He tries to think of something, anything, that will take his mind off his anxiety. Sirius comes to mind. Or, more accurately, Sirius' undying confidence. Remus focusses on that and tries to tune into it.
"Good evening, Professor. I'm... uh, fine. The feast was really nice. How are you?" It comes out a bit too fast to be compared to Sirius' confidence - or any type of confidence really. He feels as his face flushes and begins to fumble with his fingers.
"I'm lovely, thank you, Mr Lupin."
"Call me Remus," he says. "Please, if we're not in a lesson. Lupin means-"
"Pertaining to the wolf," McGonagall interrupts, face contorting with concentration. "Yes, speaking of which..." She ruffles through some papers on her desk, finally pulling out a file with Remus' full name on it (John and all). "Madam Pomfrey has assured me that all of your medical details and history is correct. I've invited you here this evening, Mr Lu- Remus, to tell you how we are going to work through the full moons. However, I would first like to ask you a couple of questions regarding your epileptic episodes, if that is alright with you?" The words are offered so gently that Remus doesn't even flinch at the word 'epileptic' like he usually would.
"What do you want to know?" He questions, sinking back into his seat.
"Is there anything I can prevent myself, students, or other professors from doing for risk of triggering a seizure?"
Remus hadn't expected that. He'd thought maybe she would ask him what they were like, perhaps how long they lasted. Though, he reminds himself then that she is not a nurse, she is simply his Head of House who is in charge of looking after him for the next seven years.
"Not really," Remus frowns. "They aren't avoidable, they just sort of happen whenever they want to. I guess... flashing lights doesn't help, neither does reading in a lowly-lit room, or the smell of lavender. Although, actually, the lavender only triggered it once when I was about eight, so I'm not too sure about that one, but I guess it's better to be safe."
"Thank you. Have you told any of your dorm mates about your epilepsy, Remus?"
He sinks further into his seat.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I know it may not be ideal telling people you've only just met things this personal, but I am afraid they need to be made aware. If you were to have one in front of them without them having the knowledge that you suffer from seizures, they wouldn't know how to safely get you help. I can notify them on the matter, if you'd like-"
"No!" Remus yells and then quickly apologises. "I'm sorry, it's just- I'll do it. I can tell them."
"Alright, but make sure you do." She glances down at his file once more before closing it and facing Remus. "Do you have any questions at all? Not just about this topic, but any other?"
"What will happen if I..." Remus feels his face go pink again "...have a seizure in the middle of a class?"
"All of your teachers will be aware of your epilepsy, though not of your lycanthropy, as a way of protecting you. I'm afraid there isn't very much we can do to help you in this aspect, Remus. As you said, there isn't a way to prevent you from having these seizures. If it happens, we will cross that bridge when we come to it."
Remus nods in answer. He hadn't really expected much more than that anyway. McGonagall then tells him how they will handle the full moons at Hogwarts. Remus will be led to a tree on the grounds called 'The Whomping Willow' by both Professor McGonagall and Poppy. McGonagall will transform into her animagus form as way of being able to halt the tree from it's vicious attack and then Poppy will take Remus through the tree. The trail will lead to a shack that has been properly boarded off, with strong wards and everything, where Remus will proceed to transform.
McGonagall dismisses him once they've been through every single detail of the plan. Before he reaches the door, however, Remus turns and says, "Sorry that I jumped earlier when I first saw you in your animagus form..." He almost laughs when remembering Sirius' reaction to McGonagall as a cat. "Cats just don't tend to like me, unless they attack me. In those scenarios, they're rather fond of me."
McGonagall smiles and tells him that there is no need to apologise. She adds though that he should remind his friend ("Mr Tonks") to refrain from treating her as if she isn't really a human in cat-form. He promises he will and exits the office still laughing.
Remus returns back to the common room soaking wet, thanks to Peeves the poltergeist that (according to Arthur) likes to terrorise the students of Hogwarts. When he enters through the portrait, he gazes around at the common room, taking it in. It's breath-taking. Covered in so much history and smothered with red and gold. His eyes land on James, who is sitting in one of the armchairs in front of the fire, his leg bouncing. The moment he notices Remus has returned, he shoots up from his spot, looking very distressed.
"Where were you?" There is no curiosity in his tone, only worry.
"I had to go see McGonagall. What's wrong?" Remus asks, a bit worried himself now.
"Nothing. You just vanished and I..." James closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I know I'm completely overreacting. Just forget it. Come on, lets go upstairs."
Remus, who is quite frankly very confused, looks back at Arthur with a thumbs up, saying that he's going to go up with James, but thank you. Arthur nods and waves goodnight to him.
When Remus enters the dorm, it is pure and utter chaos. In one word. Bloody chaos. There are pillows strewn across the floor, curtains half-open or flung over the railings, trunks open with contents spilled over beds and the floor. Peter, Sirius and Frank are all inside, grins on their faces as they play a game of Exploding Snap. Remus can't tell them about his epilepsy now... it would just ruin their first night all together. Plus, he isn't sure he's quite ready to share that much about himself just yet. He knows he promised McGonagall, but he's not technically breaking it. He will tell them one day, just... not today.
Thursday - 2nd September, 1971
The next morning, they receive their timetables and find out they share two of their classes with the Slytherins, as well as the one flying class they get a week. Sirius doesn't seem to mind who he shares a class with, as long as he can make some new friends. James remains quiet, whilst Peter complains, saying that means Snivellus (a name Peter and Sirius had come up with the night before for Snape) will be in almost half of their classes.
"Today we've got double Defence and double Potions with them," Peter complains. "Hopefully, we can pick our pairs. I don't want to be put with Snivellus."
Sirius snorts and shoves a spoonful of porridge in his mouth. "It'll be fine, Pete. I'm sure we won't be doing much practical work on the first day anyway."
"You will if you've got Slughorn." All five Gryffindor boys turn to see a boy with alarmingly red hair, and who must be at least two years older than them, staring back.
"We've got double Potions last..." Frank says.
"Yeah, Slughorn'll start you off right from the jump," another boy says. A boy, completely identical to the first, appears beside the original. Remus almost gasps.
"Oh, look what you've done, Fab! You've scared them all into speechlessness. Now, go find Kamilla, lest I report you to the Head Girl!"
"You don't need to do that!" Peter squeaks. "We're fine!"
"Yeah, don't get in trouble because of us," Remus adds.
The boys, clearly twins, look at each other and then burst into laughter. One of them snorting and breathing loudly, whilst the other silently opens his mouth and slaps at the table, clearly unable to catch his breath. Remus watches them, completely lost.
"What's happening right now?" James whispers across the table to Sirius.
"I don't know, but I'm enjoying myself," he replies, beaming at the twins. "Hey! Gingersnaps! What're ya names then?"
They both look at Sirius, completely in-sync in a way that frightens Remus. They don't seem offended by Sirius' careless use of the name 'Gingersnap'. In fact, they find it amusing.
"Wotcha!" The one called Fab exclaims. "I'm Fabian."
"And I'm Gideon."
"Prewett, which means-"
"-the Head Girl is-"
"-our sister," they finish at the same time.
"Creepy," Peter says loudly, staring at Fabian and Gideon with awe shining in his eyes. "How do you do that?"
The twins shrug at the exact same time and then, as if they've rehearsed it or been saying it for years, "Born that way."
"Amazing," Frank shakes his head.
"Brilliant!" Sirius cries. "I'm Sirius Tonks."
"Nice to meet you Sirius. How do you feel about pranks?" Gideon is the one to speak... Remus thinks.
"I love them," Sirius responds without hesitation. James perks up as well, which makes Remus think he's rather fond of them too. Sirius picks up his drink and takes a long sip, smacking his lips together after. "Pumpkin Juice tastes a bit funky..."
People all around the hall start laughing and it is only when Remus looks at Sirius that he realises why. His hair... it's...
"Oh Merlin!" James exclaims through his own laughter.
"What? What is everyone laughing at? I want to know!" Sirius yells.
"Your hair!" Frank guffaws, holding onto the table to make sure he doesn't fall off his chair.
"What about my hair? It's fabulous!" Sirius grabs a strand of it from the top and pulls it down in front of his eyes. He stares at it and then turns to look at Fabian and Gideon. There's a moment of silence and then Sirius is cackling along with the rest of them. He looks completely ridiculous with bright red hair.
"Welcome to Gryffindor!" Fabian hollers, cupping his hands around his mouth to magnify his voice.
"Where the students are valiant-" Gideon begins.
"-and the pranks are superior!" Fabian ends.
Sirius' hair fades back to it's usual pigmented black by the time the first lesson of the day comes around. Their Defence Against the Dark Art teacher, Professor Cyrus, allows them to sit with whomever they want, as it's the first lesson. They don't really do much. Professor Cyrus goes through the year's syllabus and talks them through what they'll be learning in their next lesson. They won't be doing any practical work until after Christmas, much to Remus' (and obviously Sirius', if the loud groan he releases is anything to go by) disappointment.
Transfiguration and Charms are the same. The only somewhat interesting thing that happens in Transfiguration is that Sirius introduces the boys to his friend, Xenophilius. Honestly, Sirius had been right on the train. Where do people get these names from? They settle on calling him by his nickname, Xeno.
Remus gets the strange impression that Xenophilius knows his deepest darkest secrets, which honestly scares him more than the idea of getting attacked by the Squid that apparently lives in the Black Lake. This is later confirmed by Sirius, who claims that Xeno is a seer. Fan-fucking-tastic. Just what Remus needs, a seer who has the ability to tell literally anyone in this building (hell, in the world ) that he is a werewolf.
It puts him on edge for the rest of the day. He wonders how many seers there are in this school.
Charms is with the Hufflepuffs, but Remus doesn't get a chance to speak to anyone, as they do textbook work instead of practical work, and Remus sits between Frank and James.
It is not until their double Potions lesson with the Slytherins comes around that anything fascinating happens. They have lunch together first, the first year Gryffindor girls joining them this time, unlike at breakfast when they only sat together. Remus sits in between Lily and Alice, who is sitting beside Frank too, and meets the other three girls. Mary MacDonald, who James apparently knows, as they fall easily into a conversation. Then, there's Marlene McKinnon, who sits on the other side of Sirius and begins to talk to him about Quidditch. Finally, he meets Azalia Edgecomb. She's much quieter than the other girls, a bit more in-her-shell like Alice and Remus.
By the end of lunch, he manages to make her laugh, which he takes pride in. He knows how awful it is to be shy, wishing he had the confidence of others. They all head to Potions together.
Just as the Prewett twins had said, they were doing a practical today. However, as soon as the entire class has filed in, Slughorn announces that he will be putting them in pairs.
"I shall change the pairs every week or so for the first term, so I can see who I like working together." He eyes the room, a jovial smile on his face, as if he has not just dimmed their first day. "And who I do not like working together."
Slughorn takes the register and then jumbles it up and, with a flick of his wand, the pairs begin to write themselves out on the blackboard for them all to see.
Azalia Edgecombe & Rupert Wilkes
Alice Fortescue & Frank Longbottom
Mary MacDonald & Josephine Bletchley
Marlene McKinnon & Scarlett Stark
Lily Evans & Evan Rosier
Amycus Carrow & Severus Snape
Peter Pettigrew & Gasper Avery
Remus Lupin & Dorcas Meadowes
Sirius Tonks & Regulus Black
James Potter & Bartemius Crouch
Shania Murton & Nicholas Mulciber
Violetta Warwick & Alecto Carrow
Remus sighs. Great. New people. Well, he supposes it's pretty inevitable at this point.
He tries to remember the sorting, but he cannot for the life of him remember any Dorcas Meadowes. Awkwardly, he waits by his desk as Sirius wanders off to find Regulus. Remus almost laughs at Slughorn's choices. Whilst he's waiting, he turns around, trying to find where his friends may be. James is across the room, standing beside Barty Crouch, both are introducing themselves, so Remus predicts there won't be any problems there. Peter occupies the desk beside James and Barty's; he's standing beside his partner, Gasper Avery, who looks like a gorilla at first glance. Peter looks absolutely terrified of him. Sirius and Regulus are right behind him, standing side-by-side with a distance big enough that you can physically see they do not like each other. Remus notices for the first time how similar they appear to be. Both of them have unusually pallid skin and strikingly black hair. He knows Sirius has blue eyes, but Regulus' appear to be more grey than blue, or maybe that's just because he always has a dull glint in his eyes. Regulus is also considerably shorter than Sirius, even though Sirius is rather short himself.
His thoughts are interrupted by a small tap on his shoulder. He swivels around in his stool, finding a girl seated beside him. Her hair falls in ringlets down way past her shoulders, almost hitting the seat part of her stool. It's black and shiny, reminding him a bit of the two boys behind him. The next thing Remus notices are the freckles on her face, they're big and bold and take up as much space as they can. He thinks they're quite beautiful. Actually, Dorcas Meadowes herself is very attractive. She has dark skin and light brown eyes, which in theory do not seem they would work, but they do. They glow brighter, contrasting with the darkness of her skin.
"Dorcas Meadowes," she says with a thick Essex accent that surprises Remus. He hadn't expected it. To be honest, he doesn't know what he had been expecting, just that that hadn't been it. "So, you're Remus then?"
"Yeah, hello. Uh..." He blinks, feeling uncomfortable already.
Dorcas just chuckles softly. "Of course, I got a shy one. Typical. Don't worry, darling, I'll get you out of ya shell by the end of the week!" Her smile is bright and accented with her top row of perfectly straight teeth.
How is she even real?
Dorcas spins in her seat until she is facing the boys behind them, so Remus copies her, unsure of what is about to unfold. "Yous twos look so alike," she comments, pointing a finger between Sirius and Regulus. Both boys stare at her. Sirius looks intrigued by the girl, whilst Regulus looks irritated.
"I look like my mum actually," Sirius kindly states. "That's what people always say. She's really pretty, so I guess that must mean I am too."
Regulus snorts from beside him and Remus suddenly finds himself growing annoyed. Sirius may have made a bad first impression on the train yesterday, but there's no need to continue this petty argument through to the following day.
"What's wrong, Black? Got a cold?"
"No. I'm just allergic to people whose egos are bigger than their brains," Regulus responds without hesitation, a deadpanned expression on his face.
Dorcas howls with laughter at this, making Regulus look away from Sirius and at her instead. "That was hilarious!" She cries, slapping at her thigh. Remus watches as a small smile curls Regulus' lips.
"Just because I have an ego, doesn't mean I'm stupid. I bet I can make whatever it is we're brewing today faster than you can. Faster and better!" Sirius declares and Remus feels his stomach sink. Oh no, not good.
"We're supposed to brew it together, that's why I've been partnered with you," Regulus seethes.
"Sounds like you're afraid of losing to me, Black."
"Fuck you, Tonks."
"Welcome class!" Slughorn calls from the front of the classroom and Remus is so thankful for the excuse to look away from the clowns behind him. Honestly. Of course, Sirius bloody Tonks has already claimed an enemy for himself. Two, if you count Snape. "I am Professor Slughorn and today we will be doing a practical lesson! You'll soon learn that I love to keep you on your toes."
Remus opens his notebook, prepared to take any necessary notes. He ends up filling the first page of his Potions book with an ingredients list, as well as a method, for a Forgetfulness Potion. It only requires three ingredients: Lethe river water, mistletoe berries, and Valerian sprigs.
They're sent off immediately to make their potions. Whichever pair finishes their potion first gets five House points each. Remus offers to grab the ingredients, whilst Dorcas gets a cauldron for them to share. He watches as Sirius grabs two cauldrons and takes them both back to his and Regulus' shared table, muttering a, "Here, got this for you."
Regulus scoffs in response.
Remus spends the remainder of the lesson ignoring them and focussing on making the Forgetfulness Potion with Dorcas. She's very nice, if not a bit cunning, which makes sense considering her house. Remus finds out that she grew up in Chelmsford (he remembers this is also where Mary happened to grow up) and has two cats, Missy and Flopsy.
"What about you, Remus? Do you have any pets?" She asks as she waves her wand at the potion. After this step they have to leave the concoction to brew for forty-five to sixty minutes. So, they now have time to just... get to know each other.
"No," he answers, thinking dauntedly of the creature hibernating just beneath his skin. "I do have a farm though, with pigs and horses and chickens. But they're not my pets."
"You have horses!" Dorcas beams, almost hitting Remus in the face with her sudden hand gesture. "I've always wanted to learn to ride a horse."
"Yeah, we have four. I named them when I was three..." He blushes, knowing the names are a bit ridiculous, but he had been three! It's not his fault.
"Pray tell."
"Okay, but don't judge me. Remember I had been-"
"Three, yes. Go on! I can't handle suspense."
Remus directs his stare to the table as he mumbles. "Pippa, Lolly, Carpet and Sprinkles." He doesn't hear laughter or... really any reaction from Dorcas at all. So, he looks up and finds her cheeks puffed out like one of those fishes that can just inflate themselves like a balloon, trying to hold in her obvious laughter.
"Fine, you can laugh."
She lets out a burst of air and then sinks lowly into her chair, hands covering her face, as she breaks down with giggles.
"Which one got you?" He chuckles, sinking down in his own chair, so that their faces are at the same height.
"Carpet. I mean... I get you were three, but carpet ?" She laughs again. "You could have chosen literally anything else."
"I know," Remus covers his own face with his hands and lets out a pained laugh. "She's my favourite too."
"Of course!" Dorcas chuckles.
To Remus' shock, James and Barty are the first pair to finish making their potion. It's successful too. Slughorn praises them mightily on it. Sirius looks proud, whilst Regulus looks annoyed. Dorcas tuts. "Well, we gave it our all, and our all wasn't good enough." She holds out her hand to Remus. "It was a true honour being your partner Remus Lupin."
"The pleasure was all mine," Remus says in return, feeling his confidence levels rise thanks to Dorcas' careless aura. "I hope we can do this again sometime."
"Yes, I was thinking... tomorrow? Third period?"
"Absolutely. I'll be there," Remus' voice holds nothing but seriousness.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Friday - 3rd September, 1971
The next day goes quite similarly to the first. The Gryffindors have Charms and Transfiguration again, and Remus is beginning to like Charms. Professor Flitwick makes each class fun, even when they're not doing practical work yet. He's also very funny and enjoys making the students laugh.
They have potions again and Remus and Dorcas spend it talking about Remus' farm. Dorcas wants to know every single detail, so he tells her all about the fields and the woods. The Muggle kids who are his friends. His mother's bakery that's just down the road. The fact that his parents made him go to a Muggle Church until he was ten.
Once the lesson was over, Remus felt a bit upset about the fact that Dorcas would no longer be his Potions partner.
"We'll still be mates. I'm not forgetting about you that easily, Moo."
"Moo?" He grimaces.
"Yeah. You know, Re-MOO-s, and you're like a cowboy because you ride horses. Mooooooo," she imitates a cow and Remus has to refrain himself from reminding her that they are horses, not cows. His farm doesn't have cows. Still, he's never had a nickname before, and it is rather sweet.
"Okay, fine. Just know, from now on whenever I see you in the corridors, I'm going to yell out 'Hi Dork!'" He raises an eyebrow, challenging her.
"Great! Now, we really are friends." Dorcas grabs her bag and puts it on. From over her shoulder, she calls, "See you in the corridors, Moo!"
Remus shakes his head fondly. Christ.
Next, they have History of Magic, and Remus seems to be one of the only students who likes it. The other being Xeno, of course, who apparently enjoys every subject. Everyone else looks as if they're about to fall into a coma, especially Sirius who is draped over his desk. He's been ripping up pieces of paper and folding them into little paper aeroplanes before throwing them at Remus' head for the entire lesson. Remus doesn't let it distract him though. He knows the other boys will be asking for his notes later, so he takes care to copy down absolutely everything.
He does understand why others may find the subject boring. They are literally being taught by the ghost of a man who doesn't even know he is dead because he lives a life so unstimulating that he can't differentiate between each day. Living or dead.
After lunch, they have a double Herbology lesson. They are again put into pairs against their will, except Sprout says they are permanent pairs for the rest of the year. Sirius and Peter are paired up, which Remus just finds unfair. Especially when James is put with Alice. Frank ends up with a Hufflepuff girl called Lila Robel, whilst Remus is paired with a Hufflepuff called Florence Spring.
By the end of the day, he's made another friend.
***
Sunday - 5th September, 1971
James
James is absolutely fascinated by Hogwarts. The castle, the teachers, the lessons. All of it. He especially loves his dormitory; it has a window with a perfect view of the Quidditch pitch, beds almost as plump as the ones back at Potter manor, with velvet hangings that are embroidered with white constellations, unicorns, and lions.
He loves it here, he does... James just hasn't had a decent night of sleep since living here. It's not that he hasn't tried, he just finds it incredibly difficult. Being alone... in the dark. Without even the small glimmer of a candle to act as a form of reassurance. He knows he could always light one, but doesn't want to have to explain to the other boys why he needs it. That's just an embarrassing and uncomfortable conversation that James does not need.
So, he braves it like the Gryffindor he is.
Oh, about that. James thought he'd end up in Slytherin after what happened a couple of years ago. When the sorting hat had said Gryffindor almost as quickly as it had when Remus had been sorted, James almost cried. Not with relief or happiness. Not even because he had been sad, but because he hadn't - and still doesn't - believe he deserves to be here. The valiant and brave. Yeah, right.
Tomorrow is the beginning of their first full week ever at Hogwarts. James has been enjoying his lessons so far, especially Potions, coming top of the class in both lessons so far. Barty Crouch had been his partner, a fervent boy with a keen interest in learning new things. It had been an impeccably useful trait during their first lesson when Slughorn had gotten them to create a Forgetfulness Potion. A task of which the winner would win house points.
They had won, earning an equal five points each for both Gryffindor and Slytherin.
James knows he ended up lucky with the dormmates he has. Frank is tidy and enjoys keeping to himself during the later hours of the evening, so James knows he would never disturb him if he decided to get an early night. Peter is fascinating; he's all Pureblood, just like James, but has an obsession with learning as much as he can about Muggles. He's shy in class, but completely wild as soon as they get back to the dormitory; usually he'll go off on a rant about the teachers or some family drama his mother has been informing him on. He and his mother, James has learnt, are very close, especially in their shared interest of gossiping.
Sirius is loud. That's the first thing James learnt about him. He speaks loudly. He laughs loudly. He exists loudly, strutting through the corridors to each class, practically bouncing whenever he gets excited about something, which happens a lot. The boy is full to the brim with energy, never settled, always moving in someway. He has a thing for trying to find hidden places around the castle; Remus has been eagerly escorting him whenever Sirius thinks he's found some hidden nook, apparently just as curious. There are times, however, when Sirius will disappear and none of the boys have any idea where he goes. James wishes sometimes that he had a way of knowing, just so he could reassure himself that Sirius wasn't alone. He really hates it when people are alone.
Finally, there's Remus. James' first impression of Remus was that he was beautiful. It had been a bit of a strange thought, James remembers, but it had been his honest first reaction. Well, that and thinking that Remus was bloody tall. Since then, James has come to realise that Remus, just like Sirius has a keen sense for adventure. The only real difference between those two boys are that Remus, unlike Sirius, likes to settle. He'll come back from a day of classes, lie on his bed and begin a book. Or he'll start up a record on the Muggle contraption thing that Sirius brought with him (that James still doesn't know how to work) and just sit and listen to it.
Tonight, James has learnt something new about Remus. He's lying in his bed, staring up at the canopy, begging his body to fall asleep. But there's something ticking at the back of his mind. Remus never came back. He told the boys that he was going to pop to the library and see if he could find the book they would be needing for the History of Magic essay they were set after the first lesson.
He hasn't returned and it's been almost two hours.
The other boys have since fallen asleep, but James can't. He knows he should have just gone with Remus. Should have never let him go alone. Goodness knows what might have happened, it's Hogwarts for Merlin's sake. Anything could have happened to him.
Oh, James knows he won't be getting any sleep tonight.
And he doesn't.
Monday - 6th September, 1971
Remus never comes back and so James spends the whole night tossing and turning, accidentally getting caught up in his bedsheets, worrying about his dormmate. It's only when Sirius gets out of bed that James follows. He knows he must look awful.
Yep. When he goes into the bathroom to get ready, he notices the black moons forming under his eyes. He's hoping he can somewhat hide them with his glasses. His hair is a mess, but when is it not?
He gets dressed, somewhat flattens his hair, and brushes his teeth, before giving the bathroom to Frank. As soon as Sirius goes to greet him good morning, his face falls and he makes his way right over to James.
"Did you punch yourself in the face when you were sleeping?" He asks, hand beginning to move forward to touch James' face, until James flinches away and Sirius drops it.
"No, just couldn't sleep. Where's Remus?" James questions, attempting to remove the attention from himself.
"Not sure. Maybe he got up early and went to breakfast. Come on, when Frank's out, we're all heading down."
James knows this isn't true, that Remus never came back, but he also doesn't want to frighten anyone. He's already scared himself enough with the scenarios going on in his own head. Besides, Remus may just be waiting at the breakfast table for them all to join him. Maybe he'll explain then where he has been.
As soon as Frank has vacated the bathroom, the four boys head on down to breakfast. Alice bumps into them halfway there- or more accurately, bumps into Frank. The both of them mutter apologies to each other, whilst simultaneously turning crimson in the face. Sirius nudges Peter and James with his elbows and lets out a "whoooooo" sound. It bursts the small bubble that had formed around Frank and Alice, as the world comes back to them both, and they remember the other boys are still there.
"Good morning, Alice," Sirius announces politely. "How are you on this fine morning?" He winks and James notices as Frank's eyebrows twitch. Interesting.
"Uhh... Good, thank you, Sirius," Alice smiles kindly. The five of them walk together for the remaining adventure to the hall.
James' worry grows when he doesn't find a Remus Lupin bent over a newspaper at the breakfast table. The chocolate chip pancakes, which Remus has eaten every other morning for breakfast, are left untouched. Sirius notices this too, as he states, "Guess Remus hasn't been here then. We should wrap up some pancakes for him and give them to him in class."
But Remus doesn't show up to any of those either. It is only when they come to the end of the day, that Sirius and Peter both begin to fret too. James feels faint with worry, or maybe it's sleep deprivation. Either way, he isn't feeling too good right now.
James doesn't eat much at dinner, partially because he isn't hungry, but mainly because Remus still hasn't shown up. Where is he?
It is when they are on their journey back to Gryffindor Tower that James feels his grip on his consciousness start to wither at an alarming rate. Sirius is beside him as they board the moving staircase, with Peter and Frank behind, both in conversation with the girls. James grips onto the stone banister firmly, trying to keep himself steady.
"James?" Sirius' voice sounds distant and warped, as if James is underwater and Sirius is calling him from the shore. "James? Are you alright?"
It's the last thing James remembers hearing before his vision begins to deteriorate, black spots inking it up.
James wakes up in an unfamiliar place. Usually, this would scare him, but he can't help but feel weightless from the rest. His eyes close again for a moment before he opens them, blinking harshly against the light. Above him is a stone ceiling with curving pillars that help to hold it up. It looks like every other ceiling in the castle, but James knows he's never been here before.
Glancing around, he notices he's tucked up in a bed, with white sheets and a small table connected to the end of it. There are cream-coloured curtains surrounding his bed, but not in the same way they do in the dormitory. No, these surround the space around the bed too, which has two bedside tables and a single chair beside it. At the moment, the chair is unoccupied. James realises he must be in the infirmary.
He wrestles with his brain to remember what happened, but finds it difficult, his memory being spotty.
The curtains part, bringing into view the back of someone- James knows that someone. He could recognise that black hair anywhere.
"I'll be right back, Remus. Just going to check on-" Sirius turns around. When he notices James slowly sitting up in the bed, a grin breaks out on his face. He stretches his arms out widely. "James! Oh, you're awake! You gave us all a right scare, Merlin. You almost fell over the banister. You would've if I hadn't caught you. Are you alright? Does anything hurt? I should probably get Madam Pomfrey. POPPY!"
And just like that, Sirius is gone again. James feels like that conversation (was it even a conversation? ) has given him whiplash. He listens as Sirius continues to yell for, who James is assuming is the nurse, Poppy.
Eventually, the shouting comes to a stop, which James is thankful for. He is suddenly aware of the migraine he has.
The curtains around him part again, only this time it isn't Sirius who enters. Instead, a woman with greying, but still somewhat blonde, hair that is mostly hidden by a nurse's cap, comes in. Her face is warm and smiley, immediately reminding James of his mum. He really misses her. She walks around James' bed, heels clicking against the flagstones, and rests the back of her hand against his head.
"Hmm," she hums to herself. "Still a bit warm."
The nurse then proceeds to whip out her wand and wave it around James' head. He's confused, but doesn't question her, sure that she wouldn't be wasting her time if there was nothing wrong.
"Hello, dear, I'm Madam Pomfrey. It seems you had a bit of a nasty fall. Got a horrid concussion, I'm afraid, but nothing I can't cure."
"Sorry, but do you know why this might have happened, Madam Pomfrey? It's never happened before."
"A number of things, I suspect," she nods, then seats herself in the chair beside his bed. "It seems you haven't eaten enough today and you are- or were severely sleep deprived. Is there anything you have been anxious or worried about, Mr Potter?"
James stays silent for a minute. What is he going to say? He doesn't want to get Remus in trouble, in case he had been somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. However, he also would love to know if he is safe.
"I couldn't sleep because Remus... uh, he never came back last night. So, I was worried because I get scared when I think of people being alone, especially in the dark and... I just-" James sighs, not knowing where that sentence ends. His mind feels all scrambled and sore.
"Remus has been in the hospital wing for the last twenty-four hours," the medi-witch says softly. James stares at her, feeling as relief washes over him. "He's alright now, just had a bit of a funny tummy I think. Nothing to worry about, dear."
"Oh," James shrinks back into the cushions behind him. "Okay. Are the boys with him?"
"They are," Madam Pomfrey nods, looking a tad bit irritated. "They refused to leave until you woke, so you could all go together."
James feels his lips curve up slightly into a smile. He's so grateful for that gesture actually. Because if they hadn't waited for him, he would've been forced to make his way back to the tower alone, and that... well. That just would have been a no.
Pathetically, he feels tears spring to his eyes. Why? Maybe because these people he only met a handful of days ago are so caring that they refused to leave the infirmary until they knew he was okay. Maybe because he is still afraid. Or maybe even because his bloody head still hurts.
"Do you think," James gulps, attempting to swallow his tears, "I could get something for the pain?"
"Of course, dear." Pomfrey stands up and leaves the little space.
James lies back and stares at the ceiling. His peace only lasts for a moment before four boys come parading in. Peter and Frank jump onto the end of the bed, startling James so much that he flinches away. Remus slouches into the chair next to him, looking as drained as James feels. Sirius, who has zero concept of boundaries, climbs into the bed next to him. He makes himself comfortable.
It is only when Sirius' arm presses against James' that he realises Sirius is wet.
"Yugh!" James winces as his headache pounds behind his eyes. Where are his glasses? "Why are you wet and where are my glasses?"
"Oh, here." Sirius doesn't hand them to James though. Instead, he puts them on for him. James looks around at the other boys and finds that Peter and Frank also appear to be wet.
"Why are you guys wet?"
"Got attacked by Peeves," Frank says, grimacing comically. James almost laughs.
"We were helping Arthur carry you down to the Hospital Wing, but Peeves found us and thought it would be funny to pelt us with water balloons," Peter adds, looking just as annoyed as Frank is by this information.
"Luckily for us, McGonagall was just around the corner and shooed him away," Sirius says. "Would've been nice for Poppy to dry us off though, wouldn't it?"
"Hey!" Remus calls defensively. "One, she was busy trying to make sure that James was alright. And two, you aren't allowed to call her Poppy."
"You do!" Sirius cries, making James close his eyes. His head is really beginning to ache now.
"Yeah, well I've known her basically my whole life, so I get that privilege. You, however, do not, Tonks."
Sirius folds his arms over his chest, looking the part of a petulant eleven-year-old. "It's not fair."
Madam Pomfrey returns then with a Headache Subduing Potion that James would love to learn how to make. It would come in handy, especially if he keeps losing sleep and gets even more headaches because of it. Though, he supposes, it is partially because of the concussion too.
An hour later, they are sent on their way, headache subdued and Remus acquired.
Wednesday - 8th September, 1971
By Wednesday, both James and Remus are feeling miles better. James still distances himself somewhat from the other boys, not wanting to get too close, but also not enjoying the thought of being alone for the next seven years just because he rejected their friendship.
Today is the first flying lesson of the year, and James is very excited. Even more excited than Sirius, who hasn't shut up about it all week.
"We've got it with Black and Snivellus," Sirius grumbles, glaring over James' shoulder at where he is sure Regulus is sitting.
James is a bit upset that Regulus just walked away like that. He knows he probably should have stuck up for him, being his friend and all, but he had said some things that sounded rather bad. Still, James feels really bad about it and sort of... misses him. It's crazy, he gets that. They only really knew each other for a couple of hours, but he had been the first person James allowed himself to open up to in the last two years. That means something to James. That was really important to him. And it got ruined.
Oh well. He ruins everything.
"Come on, lads!" Sirius stands up from his seat, pushing his plate into the centre of the table. "Quidditch!"
James and Frank, both as enthusiastic as Sirius, stand quickly to walk beside Sirius, whilst Remus and Peter follow with a hint of apprehension. They meet the rest of the first year Gryffindors, as well as the Slytherins, outside on the training grounds. Frank immediately goes over to find Alice, who is standing beside Barty. There are only a few brooms left. Sirius and Peter race each other over to the two waiting beside Josephine Bletchley, whilst Remus slowly walks over to the broom lying on the ground beside Dorcas Meadowes.
James scans the area and finds that the only remaining broom is in between Lily Evans, a fellow Gryffindor, and Regulus.
He sighs as he makes his way over to the isolated broom. Lily smiles at him, so he starts up a conversation with her, rather than turning to look at the boy on the other side of him. He hates awkward situations.
James soon learns that being a Muggleborn means that Lily has no idea what Quidditch is. He is completely appalled by this information. How could anyone possibly go eleven years of their life without knowing what Quidditch is?
As the class waits for Madam Hooch to join them, James decides to educate Lily on the different type of balls that are involved in Quidditch.
"Well, first there's the Quaffle, which are just usual balls really that the Chasers try to get , so that they can score it through one of the three hoops on the Slytherin's side of the pitch. The Bludgers are sort of like loose cannons-"
"A bit like Sirius then," Lily cuts in, making James chuckle. Because that is the perfect way to describe Sirius, if he ever did hear it. When he stops giggling, he looks up to find Lily watching him, her cheeks tinge pink as soon as she realises she has been caught.
He clears his throat. "Anyway, the Bludgers fly around trying to knock the Chasers off their brooms, usually the Beaters try to hit them in the direction of the opposing team. Then, there's the Snitch. It's the smallest ball out of all three. The Seeker tries to catch the Snitch, and if they do they end the game as well as earning their team one-hundred and fifty points."
"Which position would you play?" Lily asks, honest curiosity on her face.
"Chaser."
There's a snort from behind him, so James finally faces Regulus for the first time in a week. He raises an eyebrow at the boy, who doesn't back down, and glares right into James' eyes.
"Of course you would be a Chaser. I bet you would love being at the height of all the attention, wouldn't you, Potter?" His voice is venomous, much like whenever he and Sirius interact. It cuts James and he feels something pang in his chest. He ignores it.
"Actually, I think the Seeker is the position that has the height of attention. Being the decider of who the winner ends up being. What position would you play?" James asks, trying his best not to show how hurt he feels.
"None of your business, Potter," Regulus grumbles.
"Since when am I 'Potter'?"
"Since you became a Gryffindor," Regulus retorts and then turns to face Madam Hooch, who has just arrived.
James feels sick for the rest of the lesson. He wishes Regulus Black didn't have the ability to effect him so much. He isn't even really sure how he does.
Friday - 1st October, 1971
September flies by, much to James' relief. He can't wait until Christmas when he can go back home and see his parents. He's been writing to them twice a week since arriving at Hogwarts, three times during the week where he ended up in the infirmary, but he still misses them so much. His best friends.
Regulus continues to act frostily towards him, to James' disappointment. But it's nowhere near as bad as the rivalry that has begun between Regulus and Sirius. It's like the beginning of a bloody war. Peter is always there to back Sirius up, which James finds unnecessary, since it is usually just Sirius and Regulus name throwing. That's Peter though, loyal to the end.
Frank isn't around as much to care about the rivalry enough. Not like Sirius and Peter do. It just makes James anxious, if he's being honest, but he never says anything. He thinks it's one of those things that just has to take it's course and eventually it will end. Hopefully, not in injury.
Remus, just like James, doesn't like to get involved in the conflict between Regulus and Sirius. He says it's because it isn't his battle to fight, but James thinks he isn't quite telling the truth. A couple of weeks ago, Remus and Regulus got paired in Potions and managed to beat even James with their Potion. Since then, Remus hasn't taken part of the Regulus slandering that has been taking place in the dormitory. He's stayed quiet and stayed out of it.
James is sure Remus likes him. He understands the feeling. Regulus can be really easy to get along with. He is beginning to learn that Regulus is also really easy to not like.
Luckily, he has not yet been paired with him in any of the lessons they share together. He isn't sure how he would handle the tension. He still feels that sticky feeling in his stomach, like he's going to be sick, whenever Regulus aims an insult at him. He never responds or reacts. He just takes it.
Over the past month, James has been partnered with Josephine Bletchley in Potions, who is an extremely talented Potioneer, as far as he could tell. They had won house points that week twice, so he'd say so. After that week, he had been paired with Frank, to his glee. Frank didn't much like Potions, but wasn't bad at it. That had been the week when Regulus and Remus were paired up. Since then, his partners for Potions have consisted of Rupert Wilkes, who has absolutely zero potential for Potion brewing. Then, there had been Alecto Carrow. She had been better than Wilkes, but much meaner.
In fact, the Carrow twins had taken to becoming the first-year bullies. They apparently had a shared grudge with everyone, except for Amycus' few friends: Wilkes, Avery, Mulciber and Snape.
James is just glad he's already gotten Wilkes and one of the Carrow demons out of the way, which means he has more chance of working with someone capable - and perhaps a little bit kinder - next week.
Monday - 4th October, 1971
Remus had disappeared again. It's been about a month since that dreadful night where James stayed up worrying, when it turned out that Remus had just been feeling ill in the infirmary. He thinks this may be where Remus is now. Perhaps he's ill again. But there's that small, nagging part of James' mind that tells him that isn't it. Something's wrong, something's going on, and he can't figure it out.
He doesn't get much sleep that night either.
Notes:
Special mentions:
ARTHUR!! (ml), Lily and Remus! <3 Dorcas (I love her so much) Gid and Fab!!! (we are going to be seeing a lot of them) PEEVES!! (ofc I had to include him in this) CARPET THE HORSE!! (three-year-old remus was so real for that)James is traumatised... why though? WHY? he also thinks remus is beautiful and isn't going to read into that. yet. hehe.
Regulus and Sirius' rival is making me cackle. they need to get a grip.
James and Regulus are no longer friends :( sorry guys, but they aren't going to be even slightly okay for a while..Hope you had fun!! See you next week :)
Chapter 5: First Year: Birthday
Summary:
Regulus can't sleep and finds a piece of home.
Dorcas is an icon.
Sirius turns twelve.
Notes:
I wrote the riddle in here and I'm kind of proud of it..
WARNINGS:
-reference to a background character being sick (not explicit at all)
-someone feels homesick
-mention of homophobia (no names/language used - it's a memory)If I've missed anything, feel free to let me know! :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
People stared at the makeup on his face
Laughed at his long black hair,
his animal grace
The boy in the bright blue jeans
Jumped up on the stage
And lady stardust sang his songs.
~David Bowie
Friday - 29th October, 1971
Regulus
Regulus hates his dormitory. Well, okay, that's a little bit dramatic. It's not the dormitory he hates, it's the fact that he has to share it with Amycus Carrow. He hasn't even known the boy two months, and he already hates him. Evan and Barty (Regulus' other roommates) don't like Carrow either.
It's not only that he's irritating, but the boy is vile. He will leave his dirty clothes strewn all over the floor until the house elves take it at the end of the week, without bothering to move it, no matter how many times the other boys ask him to clean up after himself. It goes the same with food, he'll leave it out until someone else removes it from the dormitory. He's obnoxiously loud until late hours of every single night. He's a horrible bully to not only the other houses, but to Regulus, Evan and Barty too.
But the absolute worst thing he does, is let Alecto come and go as she pleases. Alecto will show up at the most random times, without so much as a knock. There has been multiple times when either Regulus, Evan or Barty have been getting changed and she has burst through the door. It's uncomfortable and horrible... and there is absolutely nothing they can do about it.
Alecto's got a strange obsession with Evan. Regulus, as much as he loathes the girl, finds this hilarious. Every time she enters the dormitory, she'll make her way over to wherever Evan is and will force him into a tight hug, pressing a loud kiss to the side of his head. It's always the way Evan's face contorts with disgust that makes Regulus lose his mind with laughter.
Ever since that first day on the train, Regulus and Evan have become rather close friends. Especially because Pandora has apparently decided to keep Regulus as her own. She usually joins them at the Slytherin table for all three meals. The Professors never ask her to move and the older Slytherins never seem to mind her being there. This is likely because she always sits with Regulus and he is a Black. He has learnt over the years that the Blacks have a certain hierarchy over everyone else in the Wizarding World. It's finally beginning to come in handy.
When Pandora was placed in Ravenclaw, Evan had been utterly devastated. Regulus remembers how the boy sitting beside Evan, who they would come to learn was called Barty, had rested a gentle hand on Evan's shoulder, capturing his attention. He'd spoken to him about it, saying his best friend had ended up in Gryffindor and they'd been friends their entire lives. They'd bonded through that. Evan had made a new friend, and by extension, so had Regulus.
Ever since that first night, when they spent it hiding away behind Evan's bedcurtains to try and cheer him up about Pandora's unfortunate sorting, those three have been inseparable.
Other than Evan, Pandora and Barty, Regulus hasn't allowed anyone else in. Not after what happened on the train with Potter. Yes, he's 'Potter' now. Regulus will not belittle himself further by referring to him with something as familiar as his first name.
Speaking of Potter, Regulus is so sick of being beaten by him in Potions. Why does he have to be so good at it? At Regulus' favourite thing? To make it worse, Regulus had been partnered with Snape this week, whilst Potter and that Gryffindor girl, Lily Evans, had been paired together. They had won. Again.
Regulus doesn't necessarily have a problem with Evans, because she hasn't done anything to personally offend him, unless you count beating him at Potions and befriending Severus Snape. Though, Regulus would just judge her for that last point. Either that, or refer her to the psychiatric ward in Saint Mungos. However, ever since their first flying lesson, he has found her to be increasingly more annoying. She so clearly has a thing for Potter, and it's so embarrassing for her that it personally pains Regulus' own dignity.
Regulus cannot fathom why anyone would be attracted to Potter.
Still, there is one person Regulus loathes even more than James Potter, and that is Sirius Tonks. He acts so entitled, as if he is bigger and better than everyone else, swaggering through the corridors with his uniform untidy and a cocky smirk on his face.
He hates Sirius Tonks.
He also hates Walburga Black.
Regulus, Pandora, Evan and Barty are sitting at the Slytherin table, filling their plates with different breakfast foods. Evan has the morning's newspaper in his hands, his eyes scanning it patiently. Barty looks over at it every so often, but clearly doesn't find today's news interesting enough to keep reading it.
Pandora, who is sitting beside Regulus, is repeatedly outlining the same numbers on her skin: 240879. He isn't sure what they mean. Over the last couple of months, Regulus has learnt that Pandora can sometimes... see things that others can't. He isn't sure if he really believes her or if he doesn't yet.
He nudges her arm gently using his elbow. When she looks up at him, a smile on her face that is only ever for him, he nods at her wrist where she has written out those six numbers. Bold and outlined over and over and over again. "What do those mean?"
She stares down at her wrist and then looks back up at Regulus. "Nothing for now."
Regulus drops the matter, knowing Pandora will only say as much as she "can". A couple of weeks ago, he had asked her why she and Evan stopped coming to visit him and, of course, it led back to his mother. Apparently, she had become aware of Pandora's abilities and thought them unbecoming of a young lady, and didn't want Pandora to influence her son. The plan had been for Walburga to choose a bride for Regulus, as arranged marriages are very popular among the Blacks. She had chosen the Rosiers, Pandora in particular, due to their untainted bloodline and Pandora's physical beauty.
Walburga Black would only ever accept the very best genes for her blood.
Regulus sometimes thinks about what would have happened if Pandora didn't have her seer abilities, or if Walburga hadn't noticed or just didn't care. What would they be now? He finds it strange in a way that itches underneath his skin. Marrying Pandora. It feels... wrong. He is sure if he has to marry someone one day, she would be at the top of his list (not that his mother would allow that). But that's only because he cares about her. He doesn't think he would want to marry her though. They're relationship isn't like that; it's strictly platonic.
The owls have already flown in, which is why Regulus is confused by the sight of a Black family owl heading his way. It's at least ten minutes late.
It swoops past him, dropping an envelope on the way past, before immediately heading off. Regulus blinks down at the envelope, sealed with the Black family crest. He rolls his eyes as he carefully rips open the seal.
Inside is the normal letter from his mother, asking how his studies are going and assuring he is keeping himself in line both formally and respectably. He shoves it in his pocket once his eyes have finished scanning it, knowing he'll have no choice but to respond by the end of the day. Curiously, there's another letter inside.
Huh. He's only ever gotten the one since being here. From his mother.
Shaking the envelope, he allows the letter to fall on to the mahogany of the table and stares at it.
"Reggie?" Pandora whispers, lightly resting her hand on his forearm.
He shakes his head, snapping out of whatever trance he had fallen into. This could just be a mistake, but Blacks don't make mistakes. Especially not Walburga Black. Perhaps it's an extra letter sent to him by his mother, informing him on what she expects of him during the Christmas holidays. But no, it's too early. He really, honest to Merlin, has no idea what the letter could be.
"I'm fine," he mumbles, not acknowledging Pandora's hand that is still against his arm. He picks up the letter and unfolds it.
His father's penmanship comes into view and Regulus deflates, letting out a sigh of relief. Eagerly, he takes in his father's words, missing him more than he thought he would.
Regulus,
I am so amazingly proud of you, my boy. Your mother has been informing me on your grades, the best, of course. She has also told me of your behaviour record, impeccable.
Remember, Regulus, that school is not all about being the best, it is about doing your best. As always, your best results in being better than everyone else in the room. It's been the same with you ever since you were little. I would like to remind you that Hogwarts, in a figurative as well as literal sense, is magical. Enjoy it, don't let it become a prison where you feel you have to be deft and tedious with your education. Have fun, be free. There are only so many years left for you. I did not have someone to tell me these things, and I wasted my freedom trying to impress people that would only ever see me a certain way.
I hope I have successfully managed to sneak this in with your mother's letter, if my little plan worked. The envelope may arrive late, I apologise, but I had to try. I miss you, my boy. My sons son is the most important thing to me. I hope you know that, because I promise you it is true.
Love,
Orion. R. Black
P.S: Don't make too many enemies; the Blacks already have enough. Friendships bring power, so don't be afraid to expand your friendships everywhere.
Regulus isn't quite sure how he feels after that. He suddenly misses his father a whole lot more, that he is certain of. He's always known his father isn't quite as Toujours Pur as the rest of the family are, much like Regulus himself. It's just refreshing to see it in ink. Whenever Regulus felt as if his father was like him, uncertain of the family values and what they stand for, he would think he was going crazy. He'd tell himself that all Blacks are the same, even his father. But this... it proves he isn't the only one.
Not only that, but his father has basically encouraged him to befriend people who would not impress his mother. He has influenced him to do what he would like to do, to break the rules. He can be friends with Pandora and his father wouldn't care. He can be friends with a Gryffindor and his father wouldn't care. He could even be friends with a Muggleborn and his father would not care.
"Good news?" Pandora queries. Regulus had forgotten where he was for a moment. In the Great Hall, full of people. With Pandora and Evan and Barty. Pandora is tracing swirly patterns on the sleeve of Regulus' uniform. It feels rather nice actually. That mixed with the letter from his father and he feels light all of a sudden.
"Yes," Regulus hands her the letter, knowing that if he would like to share it with anyone, it will be Pandora. She quickly reads it through, her smile brightening with each line. Once she's reached the end, she leans into Regulus, resting her head on his shoulder. Her hair, as long as it is, has wispy bits sticking upwards that tickle Regulus' chin. "So, even if your mother doesn't approve of our friendship, at least your father does."
Regulus smiles at the joy in his best friend's voice. "I know, I can't believe it."
"I can." Pandora lifts her head to look right into Regulus' eyes, before glancing across the room at something and softly uttering, "Parents are supposed to want their children to be happy."
Saturday - 30th October, 1971
As much as Regulus loves having the company of his new friends, and he does, he really does appreciate them all for tolerating him. He misses his museum. For years it has been the place he has escaped to. The closest thing he could call home, because Grimmauld Place has only ever been a house, never a home.
All he wants is for one night. Just one night where he can visit it. Go say hello to Reverie, dance among the shadows of the statues, and contemplate the meaning of the statue of the bird and the man.
It's his museum, even if it isn't really. Because no one else ever goes there at night, only Regulus does. No one else has seen the shadows of the statues next to the dark emptiness of the room. No one else has been able to read the plaques in utter silence, or see as much as they'd like to see without being disturbed.
Regulus is the only person who has ever seen the museum in the dark, and that version of it is his. He owns the museum of the night. He misses home.
Sleeping has always been a bit of a struggle for Regulus. Growing up in the same house as Walburga will do that to you. Over the last couple of weeks, it's been so much worse. He thinks it's because he's strayed from his routine. Get ready, lie in bed for an hour until mother and father are asleep, sneak out to the museum.
He's lying in his bed now. Evan and Barty fell asleep long ago and Amycus hasn't made it back yet, not that Regulus gives a toss. There's music reverberating up the staircase to his dorm from where the older Slytherin students are throwing a Halloween party. They won't be able to throw one on the actual night, it being a Sunday.
Regulus would usually sneak out to the Astronomy Tower if he couldn't sleep. But the Slytherin Prefects will just send him back to bed.
He lies there, staring blankly at the emerald bed hangings above him, that look almost black in the dark. It's an hour later when he just cannot take it anymore. The noise. The sleeplessness. Any of it.
If he manages to sneak out of Grimmauld Place, which is under both Walburga and Kreacher's watch, every single night, then he is sure he can subtly evade any Slytherin Prefects. Besides, it's late enough now that they'll probably all be too drunk to even notice he is there.
He picks up his wand and slips his green slipper-socks on. The castle floors are cold during this time of year, being made of nothing but stone and it being Scotland.
Regulus manages to sneak down the staircase without attracting anyone's attention. There's a bundle of drunk students right at the bottom, not blocking his path, but they might spot him and send him back to his bed. One of them starts gagging as if they are about to hurl all over the carpet, so the others quickly gather around him, making sure he's alright. Regulus takes his chance and shoots out of the staircase. He finds himself in the middle of a crowd of dancing students, all of them very clearly drunk.
Bending through, he makes it out of the group and finds the exit to the common room only a few feet away. Glancing around, he sprints for it, pushing it open, and is surprised when no one follows him out.
He keeps to the walls as he makes his way through the corridors. He has found a couple of secret passageways and hiding spaces that he can slip into if Filch or Mrs Norris suddenly come around the corner. On his way to the Astronomy Tower, Regulus politely greets some of the portraits that are still awake. He has learnt that they appreciate this mightily, so much so that they will sometimes even divert Filch in the opposite direction so that he isn't caught out of bed. Maybe it's because he is nice enough to wish them good night, or perhaps it is because they know he can't sleep. It's not as if he looks the part of a troublemaker, with his slipper-socks and silk pyjamas. Besides, nothing bad will happen to him; Hogwarts is the safest place in the entire world.
When he gets to the final step of the Astromomy Tower, he begins to hear voices. What sort of people would come up here in the middle of the night and occupy it when he needs it? Honestly, it's just rude.
He sighs, starting his ascent back down the stairs.
Sulkily, he wanders through the corridors, completely aimless on where he wants to go. That is until he finds himself on the seventh floor. He hadn't meant to travel this far, but had gone into a sort of trance and let his legs lead the way.
He glances around, unsure of where he is, as he has found himself in a dead-end corridor with nothing but a lonely tapestry on the wall.
"Are you lost, child?"
Regulus jumps, startled. Where had that come from?
He stares at the tapestry and this time he notices it staring back at him. It's an image of a Wizard, who is surrounded by four great trolls, all wielding clubs that are perpetually held up ready to come down on the man. The man is looking right at Regulus.
"Yes, sorry if I woke you. I didn't mean to." He whispers, trying not to attract anymore attention, a tapestry is enough.
"Oh, you didn't, dear boy. I never sleep. I'm too afraid of the trolls getting me." He gestures around him at the four creatures, clubs still in hand. "I go by the name of Barnabas the Barmy, and you?"
"Regulus Arcturus Black," Regulus answers, still attempting to speak quietly.
"Would you like to know a secret about this corridor, Regulus Arcturus Black?" Barnabas questions, an eager twinkle in his eyes. Regulus nods, drawing himself closer to the tapestry. "So many people underestimate my corridor, but it is the most magical of all."
"How?" Regulus whispers, intrigued.
"You see a blank wall, but do not despair.
What you are looking for, you will find in there.
Pace three times, intent on your mind.
Be careful what you ask for, you'll get what you find."
"Oh, poetry. My favourite," Regulus mumbles sarcastically. He almost rolls his eyes.
Barnabas chuckles, grabbing Regulus' attention again. "Think about it and perhaps you'll find what you were looking for when you wandered into my corridor."
Regulus does, he thinks about Barnabas' words, over and over in his head. Intent. Pace three times. What you ask for. Blank wall.
He turns around, staring at the empty wall opposite Barnabas, the only thing in view of the tapestry. That must be it.
"The wall?" He mutters under his breath. "Pace three times."
"Good, I knew you'd be a smart one," Barnabas encourages from behind him. "Don't forget your intent, that is the most important part. Why are you here? What were you looking for?"
Had he been looking for something?
"What were you missing?"
Oh, yes. Home.
Regulus closes his eyes, picturing the museum in his mind and how much he misses it, as he paces back and forth three times. He isn't sure what he's doing, but the fact that he is listening to a lonely tapestry who must be heavily sleep deprived goes to show how desperate he is at the moment.
When he opens his eyes, he almost screams. Where there had previously been a blank wall, there is now a white, marble door.
"Go on, I hope you didn't ask for anything dangerous," Barnabas says.
Regulus stumbles towards the door. When he reaches it, he holds out a hand and presses it cautiously against the marble. It's real and solid, he can feel it. So, where did it come from? It infuriates him in an exciting way.
He wraps his fingers around the golden door handles and lightly pulls them open. He turns to say a final goodbye to Barnabas, before allowing himself to be consumed by the room.
The room... which isn't a room at all. It's an exact replica of the museum back home. So much so that Regulus isn't sure it is a replica at all. It would make more sense that he just stepped through some sort of portal that lead straight to the museum.
He inhales the scent of paint and oil on canvases, of brass metal from the statues. It smells like London and he loves it.
Regulus spends the rest of the night here, exploring every single inch of it. All he finds is further proof that this is identical to the museum back home. It's inexplicable to him how it could exist. He wonders how many people know about this place other than Barnabas.
Just as the museum at night had been his, this room is now his, and he isn't prepared to tell anyone about it. Not yet.
Sunday - 31st October, 1971
It isn't until the sun begins to rise, reflecting off the shining statues and warping their shadows, that Regulus leaves the room. So, he may not have gotten any sleep, but he feels much more awake than he has in weeks.
He is surprised when he makes it back to the dungeons without having bumped into a single person. It's only five in the morning, but he knows that some people get up early to practice Quidditch. Regulus isn't sure he will ever understand those people. He prefers to fly at night, when he can't sleep. Mornings are for sleep and sleep only.
Regulus makes it across the length of the common room and thinks he has gotten away with it. That is until Dorcas Meadowes comes jumping down the steps of the girl's dormitories and lands right in front of him.
"Good morning, Regulus," she smiles widely at him. He isn't sure why, it's not like they're friends. "Where have you been then?"
"On a walk," he responds.
"All night?" Dorcas raises an eyebrow at him, so he nods. "Fair enough. Next time, we should go together. I know the best places to get some quiet. And well, it's nice to have company when you can't sleep."
"We're... not friends."
"Oh, well that's rude," she says, but her laugh that follows tells Regulus that she isn't actually offended. "Even if I'm not your friend, you're mine. I have a bunch of friends, I just don't have a group yet. Haven't chosen one."
"Chosen one?" Regulus asks, confused.
"Yeah. I do not want to be a part of Shania and Violetta's group because they're so bloody annoying. Merlin, you should hear the nattering. Actually, no, you shouldn't. You don't deserve that torture."
Regulus can't subdue the laugh that escapes him.
Dorcas smiles triumphantly. "Then there's Josephine and Scarlett, who are sweet and all, but they're in another group and I'm not too sure. I prefer smaller groups, like four or five. I could always hang with Xeno and Kings but... mmm... they're just not as fascinating as you, Regulus Black."
"I'm confused," he admits.
"So am I," Dorcas nods solemnly. "Anyway, you're group is winning at the moment. Pandora has already invited me to sit with you guys about a hundred times. Barty and Evan approve, I've just been waiting for you to be alone so that we can have a little chat."
"Me? If my friends have invited you to sit with us, you don't need my permission."
"Oh, but I do. You isolate yourself, except for when you're around those three and I don't want to be a part of a group where I feel like I'm missing out on certain things, you know? That's never fun. There's always Remus and the boys, but I know Tonks can be a bit of a prick, and that Pettigrew, so probably not. Besides, you and Tonks are like arch enemies-"
"We're not arch enemies," Regulus tries to say, but Dorcas ignores him and carries on.
"So, by nature, he's also my enemy," she shrugs.
Regulus stares at her. How did he get here again?
"Oh, goodness, you've spaced out again."
"Again?" Regulus questions, shaking his head.
"Yeah, you do it a lot, I've noticed. I think you should get some sleep before breakfast. I'll see you later, Regulus." Dorcas beams at him before gleefully walking away.
Regulus blinks, suddenly feeling like he has whiplash. He turns and stares at the stairs before retreating up them. Ready to finally go to bed.
Tuesday - 2nd November, 1971
Sirius
Tomorrow is Sirius' first birthday with his new friends and he is so excited that he feels he would be able to run around the whole castle twelve times straight. Twelve because tomorrow he is going to be twelve years old. He knows realistically that isn't very old at all, but to Sirius he feels like after tomorrow he will feel a sense of maturity he didn't have today.
Speaking of his new friends, Sirius has two problems concerning those right now. Problem one: Remus is not in his bed. Sirius is sure of this because he hasn't slept a wink yet because he can't seem to shut his mind off, his body buzzing with exhilaration. He wonders where he could possibly be. Perhaps he is staying in the hospital wing again, just like he had last month, as well as the month before that when he had suddenly fallen ill with some stomach bug. Though, Sirius isn't sure how plausible that theory could be, as he is pretty certain people don't get stomach bugs every single month.
Still, no matter where Remus could be, he hopes he's ok. Maybe he's off causing mischief. At this thought, Sirius feels a little bitter, but quickly shuffles it away. If Remus was causing mischief, he definitely would have invited Sirius. Wouldn't he?
Problem two: James has been ignoring him. Okay, so he's never wandered off like Frank does when he's hanging out with Alice and Azalia. He is always technically around, and if Sirius speaks to him, he always answers. It's just- he never opens up any of his own conversations. It's almost as if he hangs around the rest of them just so it looks like he has friends, but like he doesn't really count them as his mates.
Sirius isn't too sure how he feels about this. On one hand, James could just be a shy person who is afraid of saying the wrong thing, like most people are when they are surrounded by a bunch of strangers. But on the other, James had been very sociable on the train ride to Hogwarts, so what has changed?
Sirius comes to two conclusions: either James does not like them and does not want to be friends with them but tolerates them because they are him dormmates, or he is upset about something. Sirius would like to believe that it's the latter, rather than the former. The only thing he could possibly think of for why James is upset, is the sorting. He hadn't seemed very eager to be sorted and had even slumped when he heard the hat place him in Gryffindor.
Yes, that must be it. He doesn't want to be a Gryffindor. Maybe he had hoped he would be placed in the same house as Black. Sirius' stomach turns at this. He and Black do not get along - that's a light way of putting it. They've started a rivalry that Sirius can't, for the life of him, seem to see the end of. However, he has to admit that ever since he burst in on James and Black's little meeting on the train, he has been riddled with guilt. He hadn't meant to disrupt anything, he'd just wanted to meet James.
So, Sirius thinks, James misses Black and wishes he were in Slytherin.
Should he ask him about it? Or is it too soon? They haven't known each other for very long, so maybe not yet. He could always talk to the other boys about it and see what they think.
Yes, once he's found Remus tomorrow (because he's bound to show up from wherever he's disappeared to for Sirius' birthday) he will ask him if he's noticed anything off about their friend.
Tomorrow they have double Potions with the Slytherins and Sirius is hoping, with everything in him, that he does not get partnered with Snivellus on his birthday.
Wouldn't that just be so cruel?
Luckily, he's already had to work with Black, so he won't have to worry about that. Not for now at least. He's praying that Slughorn doesn't make Black his permanent Potions partner after the first term. He thinks he would actually just stop showing up to the lessons.
Sirius' first couple of months at Hogwarts are going brilliantly, if you ignore a few things. Peter might be the boy he's closest with at the moment. Usually, it's Remus, but he keeps vanishing and then not telling anyone where he's been off to.
Peter, Sirius has come to find, is a huge gossiper. If he hears even a whisper of a rumour, he will come and tell Sirius right away and they will giggle about it until their stomachs hurt.
Another thing Peter has come to him about is his little secret crush on a certain boy in their year group. Peter hadn't even been frightened to tell Sirius that he is very gay, much to Sirius' joy. Apparently, Peter came out to his parents when he was only a young child and didn't understand the weight behind what that meant in the Wizarding society. Sirius grew up surrounded by Muggles who (he'll admit weren't one-hundred percent alright with it either) were more lenient when it came to sexuality.
Sirius himself has never minded, nor judged, anyone for their romantic preferences. His neighbour, David, had been in a relationship with a man until he passed away. Sirius didn't know this to be an odd thing amongst society until he witnessed David being verbally abused for it one day in the supermarket. He remembers it vividly and how angry he had been at whoever was being so rude to his neighbour.
David, unfortunately, passed away a couple of years ago. He had been very old, to be fair, but Sirius misses him sometimes. Not that they were very close. He just remembers David always had a smile for him and would sometimes tickle under his chin when he was very young.
So, when Peter had admitted to Sirius that he both had a preference for boys and had a crush on Benji Fenwick, a Ravenclaw in their year, Sirius had been nothing but happy for him. In fact, whenever he and Peter found themselves alone, Sirius would encourage him to natter on about Benji as much as he wanted. What's even better is that Sirius is adamant on the fact that Benji fancies Peter back, he just might not have realised it yet. But it's pretty obvious, the two are inseparable and always push their chairs together in class until they're practically sitting in each other's laps. It's adorable.
Wednesday - 3rd November, 1971
Sirius wakes up to a stack of presents splayed out on the trunk at the end of his bed. He scrambles forward and slaps the bed hangings around his bed open, greedily grabbing a gift. Peter is wandering about, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth; he signals for Sirius to wait before unceremoniously running into the bathroom. Sirius listens as he violently spits out in the sink and grimaces at the sound.
From Sirius' left, he watches as James apprehensively pops his head through the crimson curtains and smiles dopily at Sirius. His hair is sticking out at all angles, but that's no different to normal. It is always strange though seeing James without his glasses on in the morning. He reaches for them now and places them on the bridge of his nose.
"Happy Birthday, Sirius," James says softly and gets up out of his bed, walking over to Sirius. It is now that Sirius notices he is holding something in his hands. His stomach squirms at the thought that it could be a present.
James perches himself on the bed beside Sirius, who doesn't mind in the slightest. In fact, he welcomes it. He wishes James would do this more, just as Peter and Remus have. Sirius frowns when he catches sight of Remus' empty bed. Oh well, he'll go to the hospital wing during breakfast and see if he can find his friend there.
Peter comes rushing out of the bathroom at this moment, already fully dressed and hair combed to each side, creating a perfect parting and curled bangs. He copies James, seating himself on the other side of Sirius.
"Where's Frank?" Sirius asks, peering around Peter to try and catch a glimpse of the other boy that's missing from this moment.
"Azalia came to find him earlier, Alice burnt her hand or something," Peter explains, waving his hand like it's no big deal. From beside him, Sirius feels as James jolts and he knows he's waiting for Peter to give an explanation.
"Is she okay?" Sirius questions, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah, she's fine. Just something about hair straightening things or other," Peter shrugs. "I don't know."
Sirius and James both sigh with relief. Cracking his knuckles, Sirius goes to pick out a present when-
"Wait!" Peter shrieks and runs over to his trunk, rummaging about in it for a minute before locating what he is searching for and plucking it out. He runs back over, bouncing back on the bed, making it wobble and James nearly falls off. "Here," he passes Sirius a wrapped gift and then proceeds to fold him into a suffocating hug. "Happy Birthday, mate!"
"Aw, Pete, you didn't have to get me anything."
"Oh, shut up and open it, you prat. We all know you want to," Peter snorts.
"Thank you," Sirius smiles before ripping the present open, not caring about saving the paper. To his delight, Peter has gotten him a poster of the Muggle singer David Bowie. Most of Sirius' records are by Bowie. "Oh, Merlin! Peter... I love it! Thank you so much." He leans back into Peter, squeezing him tightly. Before he opens any other presents, he admires the poster and sticks it up on the wall above his pillow.
"I got you something too," James mumbles sheepishly, holding out a small package in his hand. Sirius stares at it for a moment and then looks up at James, grinning brightly. "I don't know if you'll like it, so just- don't expect anything as amazing as Peter's gift."
"I'm sure I'll love whatever it is," Sirius promises and then thanks him.
It turns out that James got him... half of a mirror.
"Oh, it's lovely," Sirius nods enthusiastically, staring down at the large shard in his hand. "Honestly, now I'll know what stage of perfect my hair is at no matter where I am. Thank you, James, really you-" Sirius cuts himself off with a shrill scream.
"What- WHAT?!" Peter yells, looking around the room cautiously as if they are being attacked.
"It's..." Sirius blinks at the mirror, but the reflection doesn't copy him. Instead, James' face reflects back to him, glasses and all. "James, what is it?" Sirius asks with wonder laced through his voice.
"Well, no matter where you are, if I need you or you need me, we can use these to contact each other. It carries your voice through them too," James says and Sirius notices a little echo of the other boy's voice reverberating back at him through his own mirror. "If you don't like it, I can just get you another one-"
Sirius interrupts him by pushing forward and wrapping him up in a hug. "I love it," Sirius whispers and James, who has stiffened a little, relaxes and hugs Sirius back.
Sirius finds that the presents at the end of his bed are from his parents, his cousins (on his father's side, of course) and, to his surprise, Xeno's parents. By the time he gets to the final present, it is almost time to head down to breakfast, so he gets ready first, leaving the single present isolated on his bed among the empty wrapping paper that has managed to fly everywhere, including, somehow, onto James' bed.
He almost forgets about the present, but James reminds him, so he takes it down to breakfast with him. He'll take it to the hospital wing, so that Remus can watch him open at least one present. That would be nice, Sirius thinks. It would be even better if Frank is there too, that way they can all be together.
They go down to breakfast, James and Peter manage to get an explanation of what happened to Alice from Mary, who explains that she had been attempting to straighten her hair with her wand but had accidentally burnt her hand.
Sirius grabs some toast from the table and wolfs it down like a man on the brink of starvation, he doesn't even butter it, but there is no time for butter! Not today. Once he's finished downing his pumpkin juice, he reaches out for two chocolate chip pancakes and places a tissue around them, before springing up from his seat.
"I'm going to the hospital wing to see if Remus is there, want to come?" He asks Peter and James.
"Wherever you would like to go, birthday boy. Lead the way!" Peter declares, flourishing his hand out in a posh way. Sirius chuckles at his antics. "Coming James?"
James glances around at the space they were just occupying around the table, it's empty now. He nods and gulps down the rest of his breakfast. "Yeah, coming."
They head off to the hospital wing and Sirius is almost certain he will find Remus there. He pushes the doors to the infirmary open and parades in like he's the most famous man on the planet. He spots Frank and Azalia crowding around a bed just beside the door, Alice is sitting on the end of it, her hand covered in some kind of bright yellow goo.
"Happy Birthday, Sirius!" Frank calls out and Sirius winks at him, but doesn't stop. He is on a mission.
The girls call out a Happy Birthday to him too, which pleasantly surprises him because they're usually both very shy. However, he has noticed that being around each other makes them more confident; it's sweet.
"Why thank you, m'ladies," Sirius replies, flipping his hair over his shoulder and watching as both girls start giggling.
"Prat," Peter mutters, laughing under his breath.
"What? It isn't my fault I'm so handsome."
They find Remus in a bed at the very back corner of the infirmary. He's awake and arguing adamantly with Madam Pomfrey.
"But it's his birthday and he's my best friend, you can't just say no-"
"Remus, dear, you aren't well enough to go to lessons today. Not in this state. I'm sorry, but-"
"No," Remus growls, crossing his arms over his chest. Sirius has never seen him look so much like a child. He's literally pouting. "I'm going, it's not like you're far away, so if I feel ill I can just come back."
"But-"
"Morning, Remus!" Sirius greets. He watches as Remus' face, which has a thin layer of sweat on it and looks a bit grey, brightens at the presence of his friends. "You just keep disappearing, don't you?"
"Sorry, Sirius. Happy Birthday," Remus smiles at him and Sirius positively beams. "I am coming to lessons, I just need one more check up and then I can go," Remus says through his teeth, looking up at Madam Pomfrey.
"Fine, but the moment you feel worse, you come right here."
"I promise, Poppy." Remus' voice changes from adamant to soft in a second. He smiles sweetly up at Madam Pomfrey, who rolls her eyes, clearly exasperated. Pomfrey leaves and Sirius instantly jumps into the bed beside Remus, just as he did last month, and the month before that when James had been in the hospital.
"I got you some pancakes," Sirius passes the tissue and pancake bundle over to Remus, who rips into them straight away. "Saved a present, so we could open it together," he says, holding the present out to Remus. The other boy just stares at it, confused. "You know how to open a present, right, Lupin?"
"Shove off, Tonks," Remus rolls his eyes and places the remains of the tissue on his bedside table. He's smiling when he looks back at Sirius. "Are you sure?"
"Of course!" Sirius scoots closer on the bed and frees a corner of the paper so that Remus can tug on it. "Come on. I have no idea who it's from, there wasn't a tag or anything, so I'm excited about this one. Three... two... one..."
They both pull at the paper and Sirius holds up the object once it's unwrapped. He stares at it, head tilting to the side and then turns to look at Remus to see if he knows what it is, only to find his head tilted too.
"What... is it?" Peter asks, looking a bit put-out.
"No idea," Sirius and Remus say at the same time.
It looks to be a glass ball, except the glass has been inked out with black, so that if there happened to be something inside the glass, you wouldn't be able to see it anyway. Sirius twirls it around in his hand, looking as well as feeling for anything peculiar. But there's nothing. It's just... a glass ball.
"It's got to do something," Sirius concludes, now glaring at the useless ball. "Maybe it's magical."
"It is," Remus says bluntly.
"I thought you said you didn't know what it was," Sirius raises an eyebrow, staring at Remus with suspicious eyes.
"I don't, but I can sense the magic," Remus shrugs as if this isn't one of the coolest things Sirius has ever heard.
"You can sense magic ?"
"Yeah, can't you?"
"No," all three boys respond in unison.
"Oh." There's a heavy silence for a moment where everyone's eyes are on Remus, who visibly becomes more uncomfortable by the second. Sirius doesn't like it.
"Come on, boys, we've got to get to Transfiguration, otherwise McGonagall will have us in detention," he declares, rolling his eyes whilst simultaneously rolling out of the bed.
"I can't believe we have double Transfiguration and double Potions today, it's just unfair..." Peter complains. "It's almost as if they don't care about our opinions."
"And what are your opinions, Pete?" Remus queries, amused smirk threatening to rise.
"That school is shit and we should just enjoy the castle whilst we're here," Peter answers seriously. The other three laugh at him, but he doesn't take it back, which proves he really means it.
"Speaking of," Sirius begins, side-eyeing Remus, "Remus and I have made a decision. Since we keep finding so many secret places in the castle and we're losing track, we've decided to make a map."
"And we should all do it together," Remus adds. "Even Frank, if he's up for it."
"I thought it was an 'our group' sort of thing," Sirius whines. "Frank's group is Alice and Azalia and we don't want other people just knowing about our map. It's ours. I love him, but we can't risk other people knowing. I'm sorry, this is going to have to be a 'four of us' thing."
James and Remus share uneasy looks, whilst Peter agrees enthusiastically with Sirius.
"I'm not trying to leave him out, really. I just feel like he's our friend, but we're all best friends," Sirius attempts to explain, "and Frank's best friends are Alice and Azalia. We don't want him telling them and then them telling anyone else. It's supposed to be a secret map. Our secret."
Remus seems to think it over for a moment. He glances over at Sirius, who tries to gather every bit of hope inside him to show in his eyes, and then sighs. "Yeah, okay. But we'll have to hide it well."
"Obviously," Sirius nods, practically bouncing on his feet from excitement. "James? We won't do it if you don't agree. All for one and one for all, right?"
James' head snaps up and his vision lines up with Sirius', he seems to be startled by what Sirius has said. Just when Sirius thinks he will say no, James speaks, his voice coming out a bit wobbly. "The Three Musketeers." Sirius nods, praying that he comes off as encouraging. "United we stand, divided we fall. Let's do it." James smiles and Sirius holds out a hand, which Remus immediately covers with his own, followed by James and then Peter.
Their final lesson draws to a close quickly, much to Sirius' joy. He's in a relatively good mood, particularly because he had been paired with Remus in Potions. Unfortunately, James had to work with Black, and didn't look too happy about it. This had made Sirius rethink his theory on why James could be upset. That maybe he misses Regulus and wished he had been sorted into Slytherin with him. Perhaps, Sirius had just been overthinking.
Xeno had sat with them at lunch, since Sirius and the others were all in the infirmary during breakfast. He'd gotten Sirius a gecko for his birthday, which he named Ayers. He thinks it sounds very spiffy, perfect for his new little friend.
Luckily, Xeno had already prepared ahead with this present and the ones he received from the Lovegoods suddenly made more sense. An empty tank, branches from the forest back home, and a heating bulb. Yes, much more sense.
It's dinnertime now in the Great Hall, so Sirius, Remus, James and Pete sit down beside Frank and the girls. Tonight is lasagne and new potatoes - one of Sirius' favourites. He loads his plate with lasagne, potatoes, broccoli and carrot sticks, digging in right away.
"What would you like to do for your birthday, Tonks?" Peter asks, nudging him with his elbow. Peter has a thing about referring to Sirius by his last name, which he quite likes. He wishes he could have a proper nickname, but it's hard to shorten Sirius. There's always Siri, but he isn't too sure how he feels about that.
Sirius shrugs in response, chewing on a carrot stick and taking satisfaction in the way it pops under his teeth. "I don't know, something fun." He swallows the carrot and goes for some pumpkin juice. Right before he takes a sip, something comes to his mind. "We should pull a prank!" He whispers loud enough so only the three boys around him can hear. They each lean their heads together, to further private the conversation.
"Yeah!" Peter agrees, eyes wide with anticipation.
"What sort of prank?" James asks, eyes squinted slightly. "Nothing that will hurt anyone, right?"
"Of course not, then it wouldn't be fun, Potter!" Sirius chuckles. "How about, since it's our first prank, we do what Fabian and Gideon did to me." He gestures to the goblet still resting in his hand, a drop of pumpkin juice spilling over the rim and running down the edge, hitting his hand. He scrunches his face up, placing the goblet down, and wipes away the stickiness on his hand.
"Wouldn't that be boring? Since they already did that?" Remus questions, drawing up one of his eyebrows to further punctuate his point.
"Well, yes, it would be. Except, we're going to pull it on every single goblet in the castle! And it's going to be Gryffindor colours, red and gold."
Peter starts fidgeting in his chair enough to make Sirius have to hold onto the table for support. "Yes! Let's do it tonight!"
"Wait," James cuts in, looking unsure. "Do we actually know... how to do this?"
"Yeah, me and Remus researched it in the library after they pulled it on me. It's simple. We just have to cast it on the rim of each goblet and-"
"That's going to take years," Remus interrupts, but there's a crease in between his eyebrows which tells Sirius he's thinking. Remus is really smart. "Unless we combine the spell with a duplicating one. Then we only have to cast it on one goblet and it'll multiply and we can just get rid of all the other goblets that are untainted."
"You're a bloody genius, Remus," Sirius grins. He lifts his cup in a toast-like manner and is about to cheer on Remus.
"No, today is your birthday, Sirius," Remus smirks and Sirius feels himself redden at the sudden attention he is getting. "To Sirius Tonks, may you remain both the eldest of us, and most immature of us!"
Sirius feigns offence, as everyone around them yells, "Here! Here!"
Notes:
Ayers means 'heir' 👀
I have a lot to say about this chapter..
First of all, Pandora. She's already nicknamed Regulus. She knows some things.. 240879 is important but not for a hot minute.
Orion made a little whoopsies in his letter haha (I love him in this)
Alecto being obsessed with Evan eww
Regulus is so innocent, he doesn't know why people would be on the astronomy tower in the middle of the night..oh, honey..
Also, not Regulus thinking "ew, who would ever fancy Potter?" umm, who's going to tell him??I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! (idk why but I hated this chapter, the next one is much better)
Chapter 6: First Year: Scars
Summary:
The boys pull their first prank.
One of Remus' secrets is revealed.
James has a problem in Potions.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-someone has a seizure/seizure symptoms mentioned (twitching hands, migraine, dizziness, nausea)
-someone gets injured in potions (boils, blood from pressing their nails into their hand)
-scars from child abuse/child abuse mentioned (doesn't happen)I love this chapter so much!! (a bit contradictory after those warnings)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
These scars?
They are my torment and my peace.
They are the stories of my life.
~Yarrow
Wednesday - 3rd November, 1971
Remus
Though his life seems miserable once you look into it too closely, Remus has always had a lot to be thankful for. His mother, who has always been there for him no matter what, even when he became a werewolf and she (being a Muggle) had no idea what to do. His father, who is quite honestly his best friend. Lyall Lupin is Remus' favourite person on this earth, he thinks. He's had good friends, an easy school life thanks to his natural intelligence. He got to grow up in his favourite place. He's been lucky.
But Remus didn't realise how lacking his life had been until he met Sirius Tonks. That boy- oh, he has a way of making everyone around him feel like the most special person in the world. Remus doesn't know who raised Sirius, only that they did a bloody good job of it. Remus had been afraid he would feel homesick when he came to Hogwarts, and maybe he did. For only a little while. But Sirius has a way of making him feel at home.
Other than his mother and father, Sirius Tonks is Remus Lupin's favourite person in the world.
Then there's Peter, who has a way of making Remus laugh no matter how awful he is feeling. Not only is he easy to talk to, but he always has something to talk about. Frank is Quidditch-crazed and one of the most politest people Remus has ever encountered. He's always ready with a cheery smile and a Hello for everyone. He's also begun bringing Chocolate Frogs to Remus whenever he's feeling "unwell", because he knows they are his favourite.
And James...
Remus isn't sure where to start with James. He reminds Remus a bit of a labyrinth, always switching up and changing. Remus knows James is capable of being just as hyper as Sirius, their personalities are almost identical sometimes. But it's almost like he doesn't want to be, because the moment he realises he's having fun or that he isn't preserving himself, he'll hide away. Change again. Labyrinth.
It's frustrating because Remus has always been able to read people. Keeping secrets is something he has down to a science, meaning he can usually tell how to bring people out of their shells. But James is difficult.
What Remus hates most about the situation is the fact that it upsets Sirius. He hasn't spoken to Remus about it, nor does he seem to acknowledge the way it effects him, but Remus can see. He notices how whenever James' light goes out, Sirius' dims. James is too selfless - or perhaps just too conservative - to tell them how he's really feeling whenever someone asks if he's alright. He'll blatantly lie and Remus can't even blame him for it, because isn't that exactly what he's been doing for the past couple of months? Lying. Not telling the truth. Concealing it. Whatever he wants to call it, Remus has been hiding a part of himself away, too afraid to let it show. So, how could he possibly judge James for it?
Still, he won't lie, he is... curious, intrigued even. Because surely no secret could be as bad as Remus', yet James conceals it with as much power as Remus hides his lycanthropy.
Apparently James is a boy of many secrets, for when they start preparing for their first - and most likely not their last - prank, James reveals to them something absolutely marvellous.
"It's-"
"An invisibility cloak!" Peter gasps, reaching out a hand to touch it. He take a corner of the fabric in between his fingers and runs his thumb along the material. "So smooth."
"Where did you get it?" Sirius asks, being the next to feel the cloak.
"It was my dad's," James shrugs and gestures for Remus to have a feel. He does. Peter's right, it is smooth. Like a freshly polished mirror or the surface of a lake. He feels as if his fingers could sink into it. "It's been passed down in our family for centuries. I got given it for my eleventh birthday. I thought it would make it easier to pull the prank, or at least make it less likely we'll be caught."
"Brilliant!" Sirius exclaims, buzzing. "Oh, I can't wait! Right, plan formation." He points at Peter. "You'll help us get into the kitchens. You're sure you know how?"
"I'm sure. I found it a couple of weeks ago when you lot were off in the library."
"Great," Sirius high-fives Peter before turning to James. "James, I'm going to need you to distract the house elves whilst Pete and I vanish all of the cups, spare the one."
"How am I going to distract all of the house-elves? There's bound to be dozens," James questions, furrowing his brow. "I guess I could recommend a few meals for them to make, rather than the ones we already get. Usually when our house-elf hears that I want something different for dinner, she's all ears. They love pleasing, they do."
"Sounds perfect," Sirius says and then adds, "but don't have them stop making roasts on Sundays."
"What about me?" Remus asks, raising an eyebrow as he gains Sirius' full attention; it's like being under a spotlight, the way everything else disappears except for whoever Sirius is talking to.
"You are going to cast the duplicating and colour-changing spell on the single goblet and hope for the best," Sirius grins and pats Remus on the back of his shoulder, making him jolt forward a bit. "Since you're the best of us, Remus."
"Hey!" Peter cries, offended.
"I'm sorry, Pete, but he's the top of the class in almost everything."
"Not in Potions, that's James," Remus attempts, hoping to get the sudden attention away from himself. James blushes and mumbles something about it only being one subject, whilst Remus is talented in plenty.
"As true as that may be," Sirius says, anchoring one of his arms over Remus' shoulders, "this is Charms, and no one in our whole year group is better than Remus Lupin at Charms."
"Okay, fine, fine. Just- shut up, alright?" Remus mutters, squirming out of Sirius' hold.
"Are you ready boys?" Sirius calls out, his eyes alight with nothing but pure mischief.
"Are you sure we shouldn't go and get Frank?" James asks Sirius diffidently whilst fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt.
"No, Frank will be fine. He's not here anyway, he's gone off with Alice." Sirius flicks his hand in the air, as if to say pfft. "If it really bothers you, we can warn him about the prank before he drinks anything at breakfast tomorrow."
James nods and doesn't say anything else. The four of them manage to fit under James' invisibility cloak rather easily, even Remus who is significantly taller than the other three boys. They somehow avoid falling down the stairs as they waddle under the cloak and make it through the common room without any fuss. Remus is pleasantly surprised at how coordinated they all seem to be - especially Sirius, who usually bounds about trying to attract as much attention as possible.
Clearly, pranking is too important for messing about.
It's only nine o'clock in the evening, which means students will be forbidden from wandering the corridors now and the Prefects will be set free to scour the castle for any troublemakers. They only pass one Prefect on their way to the kitchens, which is lucky since they begin on the seventh floor, whilst the kitchens are located in the dungeons.
Arthur Weasley saunters past them, whistling a cheerful tune on the third floor, but doesn't appear to have spotted them.
Remus feels his hand twitch, he thinks it must be the anxiety coursing through him, worried they'll be caught and get cursed with detentions. It's only his first term, Remus doesn't want to make a bad first impression. He supposes that's pretty contradictory, considering what he is doing at this very moment.
Peter guides them through the dungeons, passing portraits and steel suits of armour that move as if they are alive when Sirius accidentally trips on a flagstone.
"No one saw that," he whispers firmly, as Remus and Peter try to stifle their giggles. "Forget it ever happened."
"Forget what happened, Tonks?" Peter says with a straight face and then tries to subdue his laughter, which would likely give them away if it were to break free. "Oh, right- you mean when you- you-"
James reaches out to cover Peter's mouth at the same time he lets out a high pitched shriek of laughter. They all freeze for a second, like deer in front of headlights would. Remus and Sirius take it upon themselves to carefully glance around and find that, fortunately, no one has been alerted.
Eventually, they continue tiptoeing through the dark labyrinth of the dungeons and come across a painting of a large fruit bowl. Peter lifts the cloak up and slips out from under it, leaving the others to hide within the safety of it's invisibility. He stands in front of the painting and reaches his fingers out to - tickle the pear?
"Pete," Sirius' voice rings, sounding just as riddled with confusion and amusement as Remus' mind is. "What on Merlin's great earth are you-"
But at that moment, the portrait swings open just as the one of the Pink Lady does for Gryffindor Tower. Just like a door. Peter beckons them inside with a wave of his hand as he climbs through the entryway.
Once they're inside, they pull off the cloak completely and James tucks it into the pocket of his trousers. Remus gazes around at the spacey kitchen. It reminds him a bit of the kitchen he has back at home, except this one is much bigger. The ceiling has wooden beams that stretch across it like arms holding it up, keeping it stable. On one side of the room, there's a gigantic stone fireplace that currently has a black cauldron resting in it's mouth as the fire blazes beneath it.
Remus inhales, smelling paprika and garlic. His stomach rumbles silently.
On the other side of the room there are four long tables, identical to the ones in the great hall, decorated with carefully laid out plates and goblets. Sitting diagonal to those four is a much longer table, just like the teacher's table, which is also laden with empty plates and goblets. In another corner of the room there's a stack of golden tumblers, each spick and span, shining in the subtle firelight that emanates through the room. Next to those are stacks of bowls and plates, and a box full of neatly stored cutlery.
Remus almost gasps when his trousers are pulled at just around the knee. He glances down to find a gangly little thing, which he imagines must be a house-elf. It's skin is stretched and textured, almost tanned, but more yellowish like a sick person. The one before him has great round eyes, blue like a sapphire, and a snubbed nose. It's ears are rather saggy looking as they flop down beside it's face.
"Give her your name, Lupin," Peter speaks from beside him.
"Oh, uh, I'm Remus Lupin." He holds out a hand, offering a handshake, but this only seems to upset the elf who immediately starts pummelling herself into the stone floor. "No! Stop!"
She stops.
"Mate, house-elves do that when you treat them nicely," Peter explains, much to Remus' horror. "They're made to serve and nothing more. It's what they want to do. If you tell them to do otherwise, they punish themselves."
Both Sirius and Remus stare at Peter in shock; Remus is completely disgusted by this information and guesses Sirius must be too. James doesn't seem to be very surprised.
"I hate to admit it, but it's true," James nods, voice solemn. "Well, for most. I've got a house-elf at home. Mollie is her name. She's always telling my dad off, cheeky little thing she is." James chuckles and it is the most Remus thinks he has ever heard the boy talk. He appears to be so much happier at the mention of his home. Something familiar. Remus stores this information away, hoping to use it in the future on one of the days when James is particularly quiet.
"Mollie, you say?" Sirius interjects and then stares down at the house-elf in front of them. "What's your name, little one?"
"Slinky," she replies. "Is I needing to be getting yous anything? Is you needing food? Is dinner not being enough for young masters?"
"Oh no, everything was splendid for me. It's James here," Sirius slaps him gently on the chest, "that would like to talk to you. In fact," Sirius' voice rises, "he would love it if he could talk to every single one of you!"
Every house-elf appears below them, as if magically summoned, their eyes burning into James who looks like he would very much like to run away. As James begins to distract the elves, Sirius tilts his head and widens his eyes in the direction of the tables on the opposite side of the room. Peter and Remus, already knowing their positions, get a move on.
Remus chooses the first goblet he comes across to be the subject of their first ever prank. He knows it won't be their last, not as long as they are friends with Sirius. Peter and Sirius begin levitating the goblets into a pile in the corner of the room, using the first spell they had learnt back in the beginning of October.
Remus gets to work and begins chanting the words that will - hopefully - both multiply the goblets, as well as stain the rim with an invisible charm that will transform the drinker's hair into the perfectly split colours of red and gold. He decides to multiply each goblet by three until there are almost six-hundred and fifty, counting all students and staff. He's almost finished when he looks over to Sirius and Peter who have finally completed vanishing all of the untainted chalices.
"Looking good, Remus," Sirius grins as he makes his way over. "Want some help with the last hundred? Pete's having a rest." He points over to the now empty corner, where Peter is lying down on his back, arms stretched out widely beside him, eyes closed.
Remus chuckles. "Why not."
Once they have successfully blighted every single goblet in sight, Sirius goes over to claim back Peter from where he had begun to become a part of the floor. Remus feels his head spinning and tries to shake it away. He can already feel a migraine coming on and thinks it's probably because of the intense use of his magic when he's still so new to using it at all. His eyes blur and he feels like he needs to sit down. He blinks a few times until his vision clears, just in time for Sirius and Peter to come up beside him.
"Look at James," Sirius guffaws and Remus turns to see that James is sitting cross-legged with his back to the fireplace, whilst every single house-elf sits around him in a horseshoe shape, listening avidly to whatever he is telling them.
"Should I be offended that he speaks more to these house-elves than he does to me?" Peter murmurs, eyes focussing in on the scene before them.
"No, I think that's just James," Remus says. He's sort of lying. He has a feeling there's a reason for why James has chosen not to be completely open with them all, but he doesn't know what it is, and it isn't his thing to know, which means it is up to James to tell them how and when he decides to.
They signal to James that they are done which means they should be heading off. It's been almost three hours since they've been here. Three hours since they delayed the house-elves. Hopefully, they'll manage to get breakfast done in time for the morning. Remus is already starving.
It's gone midnight when they make it back to the portrait of the Pink Lady and Remus' head is spinning. His migraine has managed to grow ten times worse during their journey from the kitchens to Gryffindor Tower. All of that bloody climbing didn't help.
They take off the cloak when they enter the common room, since it's absent of any students anyway. Well, except for a seventh year who is fast asleep in one of the armchairs. Remus thinks he is Bobby McKinnon, Marlene's older brother, but he can't tell in the darkness no matter how much better his sight is than anyone else's. Especially this close after a full moon.
Oh.
No, no, no.
Dread trickles down Remus' spine like the drip, drip, drip of a showerhead.
How could he not have recognised the symptoms before? How could he have avoided them? He knows the answer to that. The last time this happened was in August; it's been three months, so he hasn't had to worry about them. Hasn't had to even think about them since coming to Hogwarts.
But he knows there is one coming, knows he is about to fall, knows he hasn't even warned any of the boys still walking in front of him, so they'll have no idea what is happening. And that is the last thought he has before his mind splutters. He doesn't think of the farm or the fields or the trees. There isn't time nor space beyond his worry of: I didn't tell them, I didn't tell them, I didn't tell them.
Thursday - 4th November, 1971
Remus' head feels as if someone has whacked it very passionately with a baseball bat and then prodded it with something prickly. Basically, it bloody aches - a lot.
He groans softly and scrunches his eyes up, even though they are already closed, hoping to get rid of the blinding light behind his eyelids. It's too strong and it's making whatever is wrong with his head hurt even worse.
There's shuffling around him and then- Remus sniffs the air and finds a familiar scent. Something of the fields and the farm and the bakery. Something from home. He finds himself smiling; this must be a dream. A dream of home.
"Remus," his father's voice calls, sounding echo-y and... round? He isn't sure if that thought process makes any sense, but it's the best way he can describe it, he concludes. "Remus, darling. Are you awake?" Remus feels his father's nails drag lightly across his palm before drawing circles. Around and around and around. His brain melts, some of the tension evaporating immediately.
He grumbles and blinks against the harsh light.
"Remus, that's it. Come on, you can do it. It's alright, I'm here, you're safe." It is undeniably his father talking and Remus could have sworn he was at Hogwarts the last time he checked, so why...
"Dad?" Remus croaks, noticing how his voice sounds strained. "Can I-"
"Here." His father places a glass of water in his hands, straw ready, and Remus gulps it down eagerly. His throat soothes under the cooling beverage and he lies back down, feeling a bit better than he had before.
"What are you doing here?" Remus mumbles, his eyes still haven't properly opened yet.
"You don't remember?" Lyall asks. "You had a seizure in the Gryffindor common room and some of your friends... well, they were panicking quite a bit actually. Apparently, they startled a seventh year, who went to fetch Poppy as soon as he saw what had happened. Thank goodness."
Remus does open his eyes at this because he can suddenly remember. As soon as his vision clears, he notices that it is not only he and his father hiding behind the curtains surrounding his hospital bed. Professor McGonagall is standing in the corner, waiting patiently for Remus to emerge from wherever it is he had left to.
"Professor?" He questions, making sure she is real and not just some hallucination of a fever dream. Perhaps his father is one too.
"Mr Lupin," she nods, her lips pursed tightly. "How are you feeling?"
"Like someone performed surgery on me to have my brain removed and then just left it hollow," he answers honestly. McGonagall's lips curl slightly downwards, a frown line etching between her brows. "Other than that though, I'm brilliant, Professor. Good enough to make it to lessons."
"Absolutely not," Poppy demands as she comes swooping in out of nowhere. Remus rolls his eyes, which his father tuts disapprovingly at.
"Mr Lupin-"
"Remus outside of lessons," Remus reminds her.
"Remus," McGonagall corrects and Remus thinks she is going to smile for a second, but his hope quickly vanishes as a stern look befalls his Professor's expression. "It has come to my attention that you never informed your dormmates on your epileptic condition, as we discussed you would."
"I forgot," Remus responds honestly, because he really had forgotten. "I'm really sorry, Professor."
"Unfortunately, I have had to address them of your condition myself. As I stated previously, it is for your own safety that they know."
"I know," Remus nods, hanging his head in shame. "I'm really sorry, Professor. Are they..."
"Mr Tonks, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew were all a bit shocked when they found out, but are overall fine," McGonagall replies softly, but then her expression changes to a more sour one. "Mr Tonks has refused to sleep until he sees you awake himself."
"What?" Remus blinks, guilt begins to shred at his chest, painful.
"It sounds like you've made a very nice friend, Remus," Lyall says, squeezing Remus' hand comfortingly. "And what about that girl from Diagon Alley?"
"Lily?" Remus supplies, expression blank. His father hadn't shut up about "that girl from Diagon Alley" all bloody summer.
"Ah, yes. Lily." He wiggles his eyebrows cheekily and Remus groans, falling back harshly into his pillows, willing this torture to end.
"Tad," Remus hisses, "she's my friend. Nothing more."
"Alright," Lyall hums, but he doesn't look convinced. Remus ignores him, turning to Professor McGonagall instead. She informs him that Sirius, James and Peter - as well as Frank - are waiting outside the hospital wing doors right at this moment.
"I want to see them," Remus states.
"Remus," Poppy tuts.
"Poppy," he retorts.
"Remus," Lyall scolds half-heartedly.
"Lyall."
"Oh, fine," Poppy relents, throwing her arms up in the air with an exasperated huff. "It's not as if you ever listen to me anyway, but you are not attending any classes today, young man. Do you understand?"
"Fine," Remus grumbles; feeling stroppy, he takes hold of his dad's hand and begins fidgeting with the smattering of hairs on the back of it. Poppy exits with an antagonised sigh, going to fetch his friends. He takes in a deep breath, suddenly quite nervous to face them. It had been rather embarrassing, to tell the truth. Of course, Remus knows it isn't his fault that this happens to him and there is no way to prevent or control it... yet he still can't help but feel a little but uglier every time it happens.
James emerges through the curtains first, offering Remus a small wave, which he returns. Then there's Frank who says "Hello" before introducing himself to Lyall. Peter follows him, face a bit ashen as if he is preparing himself to walk in on Remus still seizing on the floor. And finally...
Sirius keeps his head down, not sparing a single glance in Remus' direction, much to his dismay. Still, he can see the black shadows beneath his friend's eyes, and the way his hair falls less effortlessly perfect than it regularly would.
"We'll leave you to it," Lyall whispers, leaning in to press a small kiss on Remus' forehead. McGonagall and Poppy follow him out, leaving the five boys alone.
"How are you, Remus?" Remus is startled to find that it is James who is the first out of the four of them to talk to him.
"Alive," he shrugs. "And you?"
"Not dead," James responds, lips curling into a half-smile.
"That's not funny," Sirius cuts in, voice sharper than usual. "Remus, I'm so sorry this was all my fault, I-" He looks over at Frank and that's when Remus knows he is referring to the prank. "If I hadn't-"
"Sirius, it wasn't your fault."
"Yes, it was. If we hadn't gone and-"
Wanting to protect their cover in case McGonagall or Poppy are listening in, but also so that Frank doesn't know where they all were without him last night, Remus interrupts. "I wanted to, Sirius, okay? You didn't force me to do anything that overexerted me- these seizures don't... they aren't caused by that. It's just something that happens to me sometimes," he shrugs, "has almost all my life. Can't be helped and it is not your fault. So, shut up feeling guilty and now let me apologise for wrecking your birthday."
Sirius stands at the end of the bed, speechless for a moment. "You did not ruin my birthday, Remus. It was actually one of the best birthdays I've ever had."
"What did you guys even do?" Frank inquires, eyes wandering between the four boys.
"You'll see," Peter answers mysteriously. "Just- don't drink anything at breakfast unless someone has transfigured a cup."
"Okay..." Frank squints his eyes at them, but drops it. Remus realises now that he likes that about Frank, he's patient and isn't one of those people who would refuse to change the topic until he knew exactly what they were on about.
"Look who wanted to say hi to his daddy," Sirius coos, reaching behind his tie to pull out Ayers - his gecko.
"Daddy?" Remus asks, grimacing.
"Yeah- don't look so disgusted by it, Remus. We're all his daddies. Aren't we?" Sirius turns to face the gecko, letting him rest in his hand as he berates it with love. "Yes we are and we all wuv you, Ayers."
Peter chuckles softly, along with Frank, whilst James precariously pets Ayers on the head with his fingertip. Remus meets Sirius' eye and smiles, promising him that he is okay and none of this is his fault. Sirius returns it and Remus knows he is forgiven too.
Thursday - 4th November, 1971
James
James, Frank and Peter make their way to the Great Hall for breakfast, whilst Sirius decides to stay in the infirmary with Remus. They'd been assured multiple times by Remus that he didn't mind them going, knowing that at least they had to see their results from the prank, otherwise it was all for nothing.
It's still early when they arrive, the tables are still empty from the previous night. The three Gryffindor boys sit down, leaving room for the girls to join them when they arrive. It is not until the hall is almost full of students that the tables begin to overload with different breakfast foods, empty plates and tumblers.
"Don't so much as touch a cup, Frank," Peter warns, eyes wide with anticipation. "I can't wait to see Snivellus' face."
It is only when Peter mentions Snape that James remembers who exactly will fall victim to the prank. Down the table he can see Gideon and Fabian, who are sitting with two of Marlene's older brothers (Bobby and Edwin McKinnon) and a Hufflepuff girl. Not too far down from the three boys Marlene, Mary and Lily are bundled together, cheerily conversing about Defence Against the Dark Arts. Beside them are Alice and Azalia.
He peers in between Frank and Peter, who are sitting opposite him, and searches the Slytherin table. His eyes land on Regulus, who's sitting with Alice's friend Barty and the Rosier twins. Their eyes meet and James averts his gaze. It's always hard to look at Regulus, his eyes are so harsh. James can't handle it.
There's a sudden outburst of raucous laughter from the Hufflepuff table. Everyone in the hall is distracted by it and turns towards the noise, finding a group of what must be third or fourth years - all of them with hair that is half crimson and half golden, a perfect split. At once, students all around the hall begin to cry out with either laughter or fury as they realise they have too been targeted.
James feels a tad bit guilty when he turns to find Lily Evans - whose hair is usually a very pretty red anyway - with half red, half bright yellow hair. Marlene, Alice and Azalia seem to have avoided it, but Mary is not so lucky. Within a second, colours start sprouting from her roots, dying her silky corkscrew curls.
Frank and Peter are besides themselves with laughter and James can't help but howl along with them. Oh, he hasn't laughed like this for months. He clutches onto his stomach as his laughter grows. Some people looks so desperately clueless that he almost feels bad for them, before remembering that it'll wear off by the end of the day.
"Hey, Potter!" He twists in his seat to find the Prewett twins beaming at him. "This you?"
"Copying us now, eh?" The other one calls - he can never remember which is which.
James just shrugs, smile still stretching far enough to make his cheeks ache. "Who says it was me?"
"You and your friends then?"
"Can't say I know for sure who was the cause of this," James calls across the length of the table, enjoying the mystery that comes with it.
"Bloody brilliant!" The twins yell in-sync.
James chuckles again, turning his attention back to the boys before him, only to find that Regulus Black is glaring right at him. James, who has no idea where he gains the confidence from, raises two fingers to his forehead in a salute. Regulus' face grows red and his jaw clenches, but he doesn't explode with rage. No, he's very good at containing himself, James has noticed.
He also notices that Regulus had not been one of the victims of the prank and feels a kind of disappointment, for why, he isn't sure. Perhaps it's a loyalty to Sirius, who doesn't like Regulus at all. Or maybe it's some subconscious reaction because Regulus has been completely horrible to James, who never does anything back.
Both Pandora and Evan's usually plain white hair is suddenly glowing with colour. James buzzes with glee. He knows Pandora won't mind, she's effortlessly strange like that - but in a good way. Evan on the other hand... he seems to brush it off, but nowhere near as easily as his sister does. In fact, he looks to be containing some kind of inner fury just as Regulus is, and is doing so remarkably well.
Maybe it's a Slytherin trait.
Friday - 5th November, 1971
On his way out of the bathroom, James stops by Ayers' tank, which is positioned in a corner of the room under a closed window. He opens the latch and pops his hand through the gap, softly petting the gecko on the head. He's so beautiful - a crested gecko with sandy-brown, spiny scales and bright yellow eyes that take up most of his face.
At the feel of James' soft petting, Ayers face splits into a massive grin, tongue lolling out playfully and James can't help but coo at the little guy. He's just so adorable.
"Is he awake?" Sirius asks, coming up from behind James. He opens the glass door a little bit further, enough to stick his hand in there too. "I wish I could take him to class with me." Sirius pouts.
"Yeah, but he'd probably accidentally fall into a cauldron or something and goodness knows what would happen to him then."
"True," Sirius sighs. He throws in what looks to be crusty dead crickets. James pulls a face at them and backs away, allowing Sirius to feed Ayers and then close the tank. "We're all ready to head off for breakfast. You coming?"
"Yep," James says, popping the 'p'. He's been in a more cheerful mood recently, ever since what happened with Remus.
The thing is, it had scared him so much. None of them had known what was happening and the sight of Remus writhing around on the floor when he had appeared perfectly fine only seconds before... It still haunts James. Remus' hand had done this thing where it twitched, almost like someone had attached strings to it and was puppeteering it about. His eyes had been relentlessly flickering, white with no brown in sight.
James was so afraid that it was going to happen again. Okay, so the circumstances weren't identical, but the outcomes could have been and he just- he couldn't do it. Not again. It almost killed him last time - still is...slowly...killing him.
It was like a slap in the face.
He cares about Remus, he does, even when he has tried so hard not to get attached. Just in case this sort of thing happened. And now look, it almost did and he...
No, he can't think of it. He has to make himself not think about it, for the sake of his own sanity. Even if his mind replays it over and over again in his dreams, warped with visions of Harry. Remus and Harry's faces mixing - Remus does remind him of Harry sometimes - and becoming one of the same, before detaching and crumbling before him separately. Double the pain. Double the loss.
He couldn't do it again.
In the morning, they have Charms, which goes smoothly. In fact, Flitwick spends half of the lesson explaining the logistics behind the hair-colour-changing prank that had been pulled on the entire school, including the teachers. James will never get the vision of Dumbledore with a multi-coloured beard and Slughorn with red and gold wispy hair out of his head.
No one ever found out who the culprits were, though it was evident that it must have been a Gryffindor, due to the colours. McGonagall ended up accusing the Prewett twins, who assured the boys that it would be an honour for them to take the blame. Saying they deserved the punishment after being out-pranked by first years!
Next is Transfiguration, during which they spend the hour doing textbook work. Reading and copying, nothing more, whilst McGonagall remains at the front of the class in her cat form. Peter teases Sirius about this, asking if he's going to go and fuss their Professor again. Sirius indulges him, rather than flushing with embarrassment, and states that he "doesn't feel like it today".
James and Remus chuckle and take their seats beside each other.
After Transfiguration is Potions. Now, James' day had been going unusually smooth. Really, he should have known that something would happen - would go wrong. He's never allowed to be one-hundred percent happy without it being ruined. It's just the universe's way of reminding him that he doesn't deserve it, he supposes.
This week he had been partnered with Regulus, who made it abundantly clear that he detested this arrangement from day one. The sad thing is, James doesn't have the energy to be offended today like he has been every other day, because he's experienced worse this week than Regulus Black being a bit snotty with him. Instead of allowing it to visibly effect him, he saunters into class with his bag slung carelessly over his shoulder and plops down on top of the stool beside Regulus.
He decides to try something new.
"Hello."
No reply.
"Good afternoon."
Nothing.
"Bonjour."
"Don't butcher the most beautiful language on the planet, Potter," he speaks flatly, though there's a hint of bitterness in his tone. "And it's not the afternoon."
"Well, it will be in about..." James checks his wristwatch. "Forty minutes."
"Astounding," Regulus says with what James knows to be fake enthusiasm, since he's heard Regulus speak to Sirius in this way far too many times to count. "You can tell the time. I didn't know you had it in you."
"You know, neither did I," he gasps, matching Regulus' timbre. "That's the first time I've gotten it right."
Regulus glances at him sideways, raising a single eyebrow. James can't help but laugh, attempting to stifle it in the heel of his hand. He faces away until his expression has neutralised itself. When he sneaks a peek at Regulus, he finds that he too is trying to hide a small smile.
Miniscule victories have always been James' favourite. Not everyone notices them; that makes them special. And making Regulus Black smile is a miniscule victory.
Slughorn shuffles into the classroom, arms overflowing with papers and vials filled with different-coloured liquids. It crosses James' mind to get up and help him but before he can, Regulus shoots up from his stool, as if on instinct, and wanders to the front of the class. With a bashful smile, Regulus offers to carry some of the papers for the older man, who smiles jovially down at him and thanks the boy.
James cannot believe his eyes.
He vividly remembers his first meeting with Regulus: small boy, startlingly blue eyes buried beneath layers of steely grey, a secret smile that James could tell barely surfaced for longer than a few seconds on average. He had been... sweet.
But in the months since they arrived at Hogwarts - the months where Regulus treated James like a splinter he had stuck in his thumb; the months where he seemed to rather burn the world around him rather than spend five seconds in Sirius' presence - James had forgotten that sweet boy from the train.
He watches as Regulus tidies up the papers before placing them in a neat pile on the corner of Slughorn's desk. They have an innocent chat, Regulus smiling shyly the entire time, until he is sent back to his spot.
When James turns to look at him, his face is back to it's usual blank façade.
Slughorn announces that in the next hour they are expected to successfully brew a Wiggenweld Potion. Luckily, James has experience with this Potion. In fact, it's one of his favourite ones to make, as it only requires two ingredients - one somewhat deadly and one useless on it's own - mixed together to make a healing Potion.
Regulus is a very talented Potioneer as well, so James assumes that they'll have their Potion finished before any other students. Oh, how wrong he is.
It starts once they've added the Horklump Juice into the Dittany leaves, tonic preparing. Now, all they have to do is contain it and wait for the brewing to do it's job. A simple task, really. Which is why James is confused as to how it goes so wrong.
"I'll do it," James offers, fully prepared to risk the gas, so long as it means no one else is harmed in the process if any happens to escape. Besides, you need someone tall enough to see the entirety of the contents of the cauldron, to assure that every single wisp of gas is tucked deep inside.
Regulus' stubbornness is a force to be reckoned with, and so is his obvious insecurity about his height. Because as soon as James looks down at him, Regulus is snatching the lid of the cauldron out of his hand, eyes blazing with hatred. It happens so fast. James doesn't even get the chance to stop him. He sees the purply-blue gas swirls like a molten galaxy, reaching out to nab Regulus' wrist. It takes less than a second.
From beside him, Regulus hisses, dropping the lid on the cauldron (clearly his priority, which James' frantic mind realises is rather smart; he knows it wouldn't have been his first thought if it was he who had gotten scolded). His other hand clenches around his wrist as his eyes press shut. James hears as he inhales and exhales sharply, teeth clenched, undoubtedly in agony. But he doesn't make a sound beside his heavy breathing.
"Oh my- Regulus? Regulus," James is beside himself with worry. "Reg, you need to go to the infirmary. Regulus? Answer me-"
"Potter," Regulus sibilates, teeth still pressed together.
"Yes? What do you need? Anything."
"I need you to-" Regulus whimpers and James- oh, he doesn't know what to do. He feels like running to go get help, but he doesn't want to just leave Regulus alone. He could call Slughorn but that would draw attention that he knows Regulus does not want. "I need- you- to shut up."
"Oh, well how nice of you. Why don't I just do that? What the hell, Regulus?!" James snaps, arms stretching out beside him. "This is no time for you and your petty little problem with me! You need to get that looked at right bloody now!"
James stumbles away to the front of the class and quickly explains the situation to Slughorn, Regulus trudges up behind him, not looking too affected by the boils now spreading up his hand and under his shirt. James' eyes widen at the sight.
"Mr Black, I demand you to go to the infirmary and get that cured right this instance. You know as well as I what will happen to you if that continues to spread for any longer," Slughorn orders in a voice more forceful than James has ever heard him use.
Regulus doesn't even appear to be phased. Almost like he couldn't give a toss what happens to him.
James, utterly horrified by this thought, grabs Regulus' unscathed wrist and starts dragging him towards the door, ignoring the other boy's fruitless attempts at fighting him off. When he looks down at the boils, he notices crescent moon marks around them, blood smeared, where Regulus had been digging his nails in.
He must be in so much pain, how could he pretend he isn't?
"Potter! Po- Oh, for Salazar's sake- James! Let go of me!"
"Okay," James releases his grip on Regulus' arm, but keeps one hovering behind his back to make sure he doesn't try to flee. "But you need to get that looked at."
"Fine," Regulus grumbles, gaze dropping to the floor.
When they get to the hospital wing, James is overcome with a bout of Deja vu. This must be his sixth (possibly seventh?) time here. Honestly, he needs to find better ways to spend his time.
Regulus is drenched in a layer of sweat, making his hair stick to his temples, and his skin look pallid and weak. The boils on his arm have risen, blue and fit for bursting. James' eyes water at the thought of them bursting - that would not be good. With injuries like these, the second worst thing to do (other than leaving them uncured) would be to pop them. Then the effects of the poison are both internal and external.
His feet move sluggishly across the stone floor to the point that James reaches out to hold him up, only for Regulus to pull away from him with a seething, "Get your hands away from me."
James listens. He can't imagine the pain Regulus must feel right now. Like he wants his own skin to start peeling off just to relieve the agony, probably.
Madam Pomfrey comes skuttling out of her office, a fresh towel slung over her arm. Once her eyes set upon Regulus, she begins moving faster.
"Mr Black, you don't appear to be very well," Pomfrey intones, a question in her voice.
"He got hit by some Horklump Juice Gas," James explain rapidly.
"Oh for goodness sake! I told Horace not to teach that to first years, but oh look who never listens to me." She guides Regulus to an empty cot and gently tells him to sit down, which he does without complaint. James follows them. "Here, darling," she passes Regulus the towel she had previously slung over her forearm and has since charmed to be damp. "Put that over your arm, but do not under any circumstances put any of your own pressure on those boils. I'll go fetch some Murtlap Essence."
She's about to wander off, when she halts and returns back to Regulus' side. "Actually, while I'm gone, take your shirt off so I can treat every boil separately. That way I'll ensure you shall not be under anymore harm."
Regulus nods silently and Pomfrey skitters off again.
James turns his head to the side, feeling a little awkward as Regulus takes off his tie and then begins to unbutton his shirt. He doesn't mean to, but his eyes wander for only a second. That's enough for his gaze to catch on Regulus' back.
He's a small boy. Literally tiny. His frame is bony and pale, skeletal almost.
But James doesn't notice any of that, not really, for he can't see past the blemishes that stain Regulus' back. Specifically, the angry pinkish one that leads from the top of his shoulder and runs all the way down to his opposite hip. Along it there are dozens of others, ranging in size and shape and age.
James feels sick.
How could Regulus possibly have gotten all these scars?
"Regulus..." James gapes, eyes bulging behind his glasses.
Regulus' head snaps in James' direction, a glare instantly burning into him. James tries not to stare at his back, but finds it nearly impossible not to. It's just... it reminds him of something he's seen before. Someone who had been injured - an attack, not an accident.
In that moment, even though it hasn't been confirmed, James knows those scars were carved into Regulus' skin purposefully. He can tell by the precision of the majority of them. Straight lines, painted like a barcode into him. Except for the jagged one in the middle, the largest of them all. He can tell by the sudden trace of fear in Regulus' eyes. Not fear for what has happened to him, no. Fear that someone has discovered it.
"Who?" James almost jumps at the sound of his own voice. It's low and almost canine-like in the way that it grumbles in his throat, deep and rough.
"What?" Regulus questions evenly, obviously prepared to lie.
"Who did that to you? There's no way those were accidents."
"It's none of your business, Potter," Regulus snaps loudly. James bounces back, coming back to himself and realising his error. Okay, perhaps not the best way to approach someone who has clearly suffered some form of abuse.
"Oh- of course, it isn't," James stutters. "I'm sorry, Regulus."
Regulus remains silent for a moment. The emptiness between them stretches, fizzy and gaping. Until Regulus mutters in a voice so low it could almost be considered a whisper, "You're the only person who calls me Regulus, you know. Other than my friends."
"I assume everyone else just refers to you as Black," James responds, apprehensive because he knows Regulus' mood could go from tentative to explosive in a second.
Regulus doesn't answer James; maybe he didn't hear him. Instead, he hunches forward slightly, eyes pressed shut and mouth contorting into a tight line. "You won't tell anyone?" He says on an exhale.
James looks at his back once more. It would be best to let an adult know, surely. Maybe they could do something about it, especially if it's Regulus' parents - or at least someone back at home - who has been doing this to him. By the age of which some of those scars look, James knows they must have happened at Regulus' house. There's no way most of these scars were caused during their two and a half months at Hogwarts. Some are so old that they have turned a silvery, pale white.
But what if telling would only get Regulus into more trouble? What if telling didn't help anyone? What if it only ensured Regulus would gain more scars? James doesn't want to be the cause of that.
Not knowing what to do, he nods. "I promise, I won't."
Regulus' eyes transform from desperate to relieved in a single blink. He turns back to face the floor, legs still dangling over the edge of the bed. Madam Pomfrey shortly makes her return and James notes that Regulus obscures his back from her vision. James doesn't say anything; he isn't sure he's made the right decision...
Notes:
HONOURABLE MENTIONS:
-James and the house-elves <3
-Lyall shipping Remus and Lily is so funny to me for some reason.
-AYERS!! <3
-Regulus being insecure about his height (idc what anyone says, i love this)Remus would definitely view his seizures the way he views his scars. He thinks they make him uglier (spoiler alert: they don't! they're just things that happen sometimes! anyone who suffers from them, it does not make you any uglier!)
Chapter 7: First Year: Paulatim
Summary:
The Slytherin Skittles are born
Sirius makes a new friend
Xeno gives Sirius some important information about his "rival"
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-reference to CA scars
-someone is homesick :(
-a character is bulliedSorry, this chapter is a bit shorter and it's also a day late. I've been experiencing pjo for the first time in my life and so it's sort of overtaken me...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Isn't it funny how day by
day nothing changes,
but when you look back
everything is different.
~C.S. Lewis
Tuesday - 23rd November, 1971
Regulus
Regulus is so unbelievably frustrated with people telling him he looks like Sirius Tonks. Okay, they both have the same black hair, but black is a common hair colour. Fine, they're both unusually pale, but that may just mean neither of them get enough sunlight. He doesn't understand why these observations make people feel the need to point it out to him at every opportunity they get.
Especially, Dorcas Meadowes.
This week, Regulus has been partnered with Dorcas in Potions. Whenever Tonks passes their table, Regulus waits for the predictable "It's freaky how alike you two look" from Dorcas. The upsetting thing is, Regulus thinks there is a possibility he could like her. She's funny enough to get a laugh out of him, which is near impossible for people he doesn't trust to do. She is ridiculously smart for their age, Regulus has noticed. In History of Magic, she is always the first person to shoot her hand up, and she's never once been wrong.
Regulus' favourite thing about Dorcas is that she is observant. She is very aware of her surroundings and has a tenacity to know how everyone around her is feeling. Regulus thinks she may be an empath. Especially because he prides himself in being a difficult person to read, that way it is harder for people to develop any sort of connection with him. He prefers that and would rather only let in those who can see past his façade. Dorcas, he is surprised to admit, is one of them.
During their first double lesson as Potions partners, they brew a simple sleeping draught, which Regulus knows better than he does the back of his hand. Unfortunately, Potter and Scarlett Stark beat them to it.
Regulus has been avoiding Potter as if he has Dragonpox for the last two weeks, ever since he saw Regulus' back in the infirmary. It had been frightening, a physical fear that he could feel burning at the bottom of his stomach, urging him to be sick, when he found Potter staring at his scars. No one outside of Grimmauld had ever seen them before. There had been a small part of him that felt like crying. Someone knew what was happening to him behind those four walls. Someone who could potentially help.
But no. Regulus knows it wouldn't have been that easy; nothing ever is. The words had fallen out of him before he could stop them. You won't tell anyone?
It had been both a relief and a nightmare when Potter promised never to tell.
Regulus knows that he cannot blame him for that, no matter how much he despises the boy. It isn't his fault Regulus is tainted by his own mother. It isn't his fault that they are only eleven and should not have to deal with this sort of thing. Not that James Potter has to deal with much. He comes from a loving Pureblood family, is the heir to the Potter fortune, and has a group of (albeit very obnoxious in Regulus' eyes) supportive friends.
What could he possibly have to worry about? How could he comprehend the weight of what Regulus goes through on a daily basis?
No, it isn't his fault.
On the way out of Potions, Barty and Evan catch up to Regulus in the corridor. It's lunch time now, which means the entire school is heading to the Great Hall. Regulus is hoping to bump into Pandora on the way. She had mentioned earlier that she had something for him, but had left it in her dormitory at breakfast.
"Afternoon, boys." Dorcas saddles up beside Barty, who chucks an arm over her shoulders without a moment's hesitation, grinning broadly at her. Regulus stares blankly at them. "Is it alright if I sit with you lot today?"
Evan and Barty both turn to look at Regulus, much to his confusion. He glances at Dorcas, who has so much hope in her eyes that Regulus can't possibly deny her. He nods, which causes Barty to squeeze Dorcas tightly.
"See, Meadowes, I told you Regulus isn't all mean and scary like everyone thinks."
"I never said he was mean and scary, Junior," Dorcas huffs playfully and shrugs Barty's arm off her. "You just have this stare, Regulus. You could burn cities with those eyes."
"I know," Regulus replies seriously, straightening himself up a bit. He doesn't let himself laugh or grin, knowing his mother would label it unbecoming. Instead, his lip curls up ever so slightly in the corner. He knows Dorcas will notice that he is making a joke; she's observant.
They don't bump into Pandora in the corridor, much to everyone's disappointment. Regulus saves a space for her, with Evan on her other side, whilst Barty and Dorcas take their seats opposite them.
Regulus picks up a chicken sandwich and places it on his plate, along with some carrot sticks and humus. He's about to take a bite of his sandwich when he looks up to find Dorcas creating an absolute monstrosity. He has to put his food down at once to prevent himself from dropping it in pure horror.
"Meadowes, what the hell is that?" Barty asks, pulling a face at Dorcas' plate. She's taken a slice of white bread and a slice of brown and is filling it with chicken, tuna, cheese, ham and jam.
Regulus thinks he might throw up.
"What?" She shrugs as if this is normal behaviour and is not sending the three boys into a spiral. "How else do you expect me to know what I fancy today? I have to taste it all, so that I know what my mouth wants."
Before any of them can get a word in, Dorcas bites into the atrocity (that's what Regulus is officially naming it, especially if this is something that will be a recurring issue).
"Well?" Barty questions, eyes intent on the atrocity.
"How is it?" Evan chimes in, disgust pulling at his features too.
Dorcas stares up at the ceiling as she continues to chew and eventually swallows it down. "You know, it wasn't that bad." She picks up a serviette and dabs at the corners of her mouth. "I don't think I'll ever like tuna. I really tried, but it's vile."
"That was your primary issue with that ?" Regulus speaks up, mouth twisting with revulsion. "Not the jam with the ham?"
"Actually, the jam was a bit like having cranberry sauce in a roast," Dorcas explains. "It went very well with the chicken. Speaking of, I think that's what I'm in the mood for." She reaches across the table to pluck up a chicken sandwich in brown bread and begins eating from that one, leaving the atrocity on the other side of her plate.
"Hello!" Pandora's voice rings and everything goes dark.
"Pandora?" Regulus turns his head left and then right and then left again.
"Here, Regulus," she chuckles softly from his left.
"What have you done to me?"
"That's what I got for you." Suddenly the world comes back into view and Regulus comes face-to-face with Pandora's brilliantly blue eyes. In her hand is a croqueted, dark green hat which looks to have feline-like ears, based on the shape of it. "I made it, isn't it cute? I thought of you as soon as I finished it!"
She passes the hat back to Regulus, who is busy running his hands over his hair, which feels all staticky now after having the hat on. He takes it and finds that, yes, it does point up like cat ears.
"I know you won't want to wear it when we're in public or anything, but I thought you could wear it when the dungeons get cold in the winter, or you could even take it home."
Regulus meets Pandora's eyes and allows a small smile to take form. Only for Pandora though. Maybe Evan and Barty on special occasions. "Thank you. It's lovely."
Pandora's smile is so wide that her nose scrunches a little at the top, making her look even more adorable than usual. Honestly, Regulus doesn't understand why the sweetest person in their year group decided to choose him as a best friend, other than the fact that they knew each other faintly in the past. He is thankful all the same.
"So, have you chosen your favourite group yet?" Pandora turns her smile onto Dorcas, who swallows down the last piece of her chicken sandwich. She nods and then glances at Regulus.
"Yep," she smiles and Regulus almost returns it.
Saturday - 27th November, 1971
Regulus is considering murder.
"I swear to Salazar, if he takes one more minute in the shower, I'm going to-" Regulus is cut off mid rant by Pandora, who wraps her arms around his shoulders from behind and rest her head on top of his. It immediately calms him.
Today is the first Quidditch match of the year and Regulus wants to go and watch it. He loves Quidditch, which apparently has shocked all of his friends. Okay, fine, he is a bit preppy and leans more towards the academic side - but Merlin does he love a good game of Quidditch. He's hoping to try out for the Slytherin team next year as Seeker, since theirs will have left by then and that is Regulus' favourite position to play.
Again, he wants to go and watch the first game of the season- of the year. That might not happen, thanks to Amycus 'I'm going to take so long in the shower that I may as well be living in it' Carrow.
Saying Regulus is frustrated would be a major understatement.
Dorcas and Pandora showed up about ten minutes ago, both refreshed and ready because their roommates don't hog the bathroom and understand boundaries. Evan and Barty have decided to just shower later tonight, which Regulus would do if he were a normal person, but he isn't. He has a routine. It's always been the same: wake up, shower. That's bloody it.
He's sitting on his bed right now, actively attempting not to throw a tantrum, whilst Pandora plays with his hair.
"Evan, you could always go and ask Alecto if you can use her shower. I'm sure she would let you," Dorcas says, clearly trying to hold in her laughter. She breaks as soon as Barty snorts.
"Shove off," Evan groans. "I don't understand why she likes me so much. It's terrifying."
"Maybe it's because you're pretty," Barty suggests, his voice changing in a mockful way, like he is talking to a baby or a dog. He pouts and bats his eyelashes mockingly until Evan throws a pillow at his face.
It is at that moment that Amycus decides to join them. Regulus, who has to restrain himself, grabs his clean robes and marches off to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Finally.
The five of them sit together in the Slytherin stands, even Pandora who claims she should be there since she will be supporting the team. None of the students in Slytherin find any reason to argue with her. They left Amycus back in the dormitory. Unfortunately, they did not avoid Alecto, who had found Evan in the common room and smacked a harsh kiss to his cheek. He's still wiping violently at his skin, trying to get rid of any trace of Alecto. Barty and Dorcas both lose it at the sight of Evan's now bright red cheek, whilst Pandora just kisses over it kindly.
Regulus is watching eagerly over the edge of the stands. They got there just fast enough to get the best view, which he is now very grateful for as he can see the teams filing out onto the pitch. Red and green shine on the ground like a Christmas tree. The Captains shake hands and then fly off on their brooms - their teams follow.
Madam Hooch, who looks to be a tiny black dot from all the way up here, makes her way into the centre of the pitch with the box that holds the Quidditch balls. Regulus watches as she throws up her hand, a small spec of gold skits off through the sky, he watches it fly higher and higher. Not everyone has the ability to see Snitches when they are flying so fast, but Regulus has never had any trouble doing so.
The Quaffle is released at the same time the fliers begin moving about in the air. Gryffindor catches it first. Then, the Bludgers are set free. They bound about manically in the air, reminding Regulus a bit of Bellatrix. He focuses mainly on the Seekers, learning their habits and techniques, memorising every movement.
A boy called Edwin McKinnon is commentating the game, definitely favouring the Gryffindors. Regulus assumes this is the older brother of Marlene McKinnon who is in his year group, so it makes sense, he's probably a Gryffindor too. Most families tend to have children who are sorted into the same house when they go to Hogwarts, except the odd few like Evan and Pandora. Regulus is sure that if he had a sibling, they would have ended up in Slytherin too. There hasn't been a Black sorted into a house other than Slytherin ever.
McKinnon intently analyses the movements of the Prewett twins, who are the Beaters on the Gryffindor team, until McGonagall scolds him for not being fair. The commentary isn't much better throughout the rest of the game, but at least McKinnon doesn't continue to comment on Gideon Prewett's "spectacular" long arm.
The game is tormenting. The scores remain tantalisingly close until the very end, leaving the hope of both sides to the Seekers. The Slytherin Seeker, Skylio Selwyn, scours the pitch, flying slowly and keeping to the edge of the space. The Gryffindor Seeker, another McKinnon, stays above the game. Watching. Analysing. Every now and then he'll move just a little bit, before floating back over to his spot.
Regulus notices the Snitch hovering close to the stands, just above the teachers' heads. It begins to flit over to the Ravenclaws when Regulus sees a dash of red, faster than lightning. He blinks and suddenly McKinnon - the Seeker one - is holding his arm up, gold glowing between the cracks of his fingers.
"Gryffindor wins!" The Commentator McKinnon yells. "Thanks to my amazing brother, Darius McKinnon, the best Seeker Hogwarts has ever seen!"
"Mister McKinnon, I think that's quite enough, don't you?" McGonagall's severe voice echoes through the pitch, making most people laugh.
"Oh well," Pandora says with a sigh. She turns to Regulus, smiling sweetly and linking their arms together. "When you're on the team, you'll be the only Seeker to ever even touch the Snitch."
"Oh, really?" Regulus snorts, humouring her.
"Definitely. I'm sure of it."
"And did those abilities of yours tell you that?" Regulus pokes her forehead gently. Pandora's face scrunches up, lines etching her head and crinkling around her eyes.
"Spoilers," she giggles.
"Let's go." Barty heaves himself up and then helps Evan up, who looks to be mourning someone very special to him. "Oh, poor Evan. It isn't your team yet, mate, there's no need to pout. I'm hungry! Food will cheer you up, come on."
"You read my mind, Junior," Dorcas jumps up from her seat beside Pandora. "I want a sandwich-"
"No!" Evan, Barty and Regulus burst at once.
"You will not violate another poor sandwich," Evan says.
"We cannot, in good grace, allow you to do it again. It's sickening," Barty cries rather dramatically.
"This is an intervention," Regulus adds.
"But how will I know what I-" Dorcas begins, but is cut off by Pandora silently holding up her hand, a strange sort of wisdom taking form on her face.
"Don't worry, Dorcas, I know exactly what you want."
"Oh! Yes, you can see things. What do I want?" Dorcas asks eagerly.
"You fancy..." Pandora's eyes trail up to the sky, appearing lost in thought. "Ham and cheese today."
Dorcas' stomach grumbles in response - so does Barty's.
"As does Barty," Pandora says.
With a thanks in Pandora's direction, Barty and Dorcas bound off down the wooden steps leading to the ground and are out of sight in seconds.
"You can't really see what sandwich she wants, can you?" Regulus leans closer to Pandora to whisper.
"No," she shakes her head. "I just thought if she asks me what she should eat every day, rather than testing out what she fancies with some gross mixture of everything going, it'll save both her and the rest of us from suffering every day."
"And that is why you're my favourite sister," Evan smirks, laying an arm over Pandora's shoulders as they slowly descend down the steps and back in the direction of the castle.
Regulus still hasn't told anyone about the room. He wonders sometimes if Pandora knows about it. If her seer abilities really do allow her to know things others do not. Maybe she even knew about the room before Regulus discovered it. A part of him hopes she doesn't, as selfish as it may be, he likes knowing there is somewhere only for him. His safe place, the safest it can possibly be because there is no chance of anyone finding him. Tucked away in the walls of the castle, using them as a blanket.
***
Sunday - 5th December, 1971
Sirius
Time has been strange since arriving at Hogwarts. Every day is filled to the brim, yet time goes fast. Day by day Sirius learns and lives and explores - he loves it. He doesn't feel changed by his time at Hogwarts, but he's sure one day in the near future he will look back and see the differences. He will recognise the little things he does differently, the way his accent may change when he uses certain words, the growth of his body.
Sirius would look back one day and the changes would be vast, like a clear drawn line along the present, separating his past and future selves. But not yet, for now, everything is the same. He loves his life.
There is one part of his new life at Hogwarts that he hates; there is no ocean here. Where is it? Not here. The ocean has always been a part of who he is and now he is expected to just go every day without it. The closest thing Sirius has found to the ocean is the Black Lake of which he has been advised to stay away from on various different occasions by teachers and other students. He never listens. They don't understand that he's not afraid of the water; he feels safest when he's in it's proximity.
The lake is where he wanders off to when he feels like clearing his head. On the days where James isolates himself from the others. On the days Remus is stuck in the hospital wing again, just as he is every single month. It's beginning to grow quite ridiculous by now. Usually he visits the lake because he misses home. His mother and father write every single week, and he is immensely grateful for that connection he has to home that they are trying to keep intact. But it isn't enough.
When Sirius found out that Remus would be staying at Hogwarts for Christmas, he went along and signed the list of students staying over the holidays that McGonagall had clipped to the Gryffindor noticeboard in their common room. He doesn't regret his decision to stay with Remus - and James, who had claimed he wanted to see what Hogwarts looked like at Christmas. However, he will miss the winter sea and the jolly lights the island use to decorate every single lamppost and shop with. He will miss the village's annual Christmas tree and lights switch-on and the fake snow that dresses every window of every shop.
Sirius sighs and leans down to pet Ayers, who he normally takes with him when he journeys out to the lake. Ayers is another reminder of home, of Xenophilius and the Lovegoods.
He places the gecko on the grass and almost laughs at how much the little thing stands out amongst the sage-green of the ground. It's like finding rust on a leaf. He watches as Ayers scuttles around, never going too far and seemingly too afraid to venture near the lake. Sirius never takes his eyes off him. It is only when Ayers starts off at a speedy run in the opposite direction, that Sirius realises he is no longer alone.
Marlene McKinnon, one of the Gryffindor girls in his year, stops before them. Sirius realises with horror that she has been crying; her eyes are red-rimmed and wet, whilst her cheeks have pink tear streaks burning down them. She looks a bit like she's had an allergic reaction.
"Oh," Marlene says in a voice so tiny and so broken that Sirius can't avoid the way his forehead immediately crinkles as concern overrides him. "I didn't think anyone would be out here."
Sirius stares up at her for a long moment, unsure of what to do. He assumes the right thing to do would be to ask Marlene what happened, perhaps even offer her a hug. On the other hand, the smartest thing to do may be to run.
Marlene's eyes begin to fill with unshed tears as she glances away at him, staring out at the lake. She makes no sign of sitting down, nor asking for some company. Instead, she appears to be rather content just trying to avoid crying any more. Her hands are balled into fists beside her thighs and her jaw keeps spasming.
Sirius doesn't know the girl very well, but he does know that she isn't one to speak much. He thinks he's only ever heard her speak a few times in the three months they have been at Hogwarts, and none of those times had been aimed at him. It's not as if he hasn't noticed her though. For starters, she's in every single one of his classes, being a Gryffindor. She also manages to get James to talk whenever they happen to sit together - mostly about Quidditch. What is perhaps the most visibly distinct thing about Marlene McKinnon is that unlike the other girls in their year group, she always wears trousers. Sirius is convinced he's never once seen her in a skirt.
Since he can't think of anything better to say, he blurts that out now. "You're always wearing trousers."
Marlene's gaze averts from the lake and levels with Sirius' once again. She sniffs, eyes significantly more dry than they had been, and clears her throat roughly. "They used to be my brother's."
That makes sense.
Marlene is not the only McKinnon in the school, Sirius has come to realise. In fact, there are many of them. She's got three older brothers - Bobby McKinnon, who is in seventh year, Darius McKinnon, who is a fifth year, and Edwin McKinnon who is in fourth year with Fabian and Gideon.
"Why are you crying?" Sirius asks, feeling he has to at some point so as to not come off as rude or uncaring.
"What do you care?" She quips, eyes moving to glare at the ground.
Sirius sits still for a second before deciding he's going to do the right thing, even if it may not be very smart. Keeping himself sitting with his legs crossed in front of him in the grass, he leans forward and takes her hand, gently tugging on it. Marlene's lip begins to quiver again. She gives in and takes residence beside him on the frosty ground. It's winter now and the air has become sharper, especially on mornings like this.
Ayers hurries over to Marlene, whose hand is still being protected underneath Sirius', and jumps onto her knee. She giggles but it sounds wet and worn down. Sirius squeezes her hand and she squeezes back.
Okay, so he doesn't know how to comfort her, but he can do this. He can squeeze her hand and see if she squeezes him in return to tell him she's okay. He can do that.
"I was practicing the levitating charm that Flitwick had us learning a few weeks ago because I still hadn't managed to get it quite right. Whenever I try to levitate something, it just starts buzzing out and swirling around really fast like..." She glances around like she's trying to find a comparison. Her eyes land on Ayers, who is currently zipping around her lap as if his backside is on fire. "Like this little guy," she chuckles softly.
"Is that why you were upset?" Sirius isn't sure why she would let this affect her so much, but he tries to understand from her perspective. Not everyone experiences magic as naturally as he does.
"No. I was practicing it in the corridor and I thought I had it for a second because my quill started to rise in the air..." Marlene's voice fades off and she reaches up with her free hand to wipe her nose; it isn't dripping, but Sirius assumes it must be itchy from all the crying she appears to have done. "But then I looked up and saw that I had accidentally also cast it on this third year called Travers and he started spinning in the air. I broke the spell as quickly as I could, but he-"
"He what?" Sirius says in a voice so unlike his own, it almost frightens him. It's just- Marlene may not be his friend, but she's his housemate and if some idiot third-year has done something to her, that is going to stir something up inside Sirius that he is afraid to release.
Marlene frees her hand from Sirius' grip and pushes it into her pocket. Her hand comes out, shaking vigorously, with a large chunk of bright blonde hair poking out beneath her fingers.
Sirius' jaw touches the floor in shock. His eyes immediately move up to her head at the same time Marlene brushes aside the upper layer of her hair. He gasps as he notices hair short and spiky, but the same colour as Marlene's usual hair. It's jagged, not cleanly done. Her hair has always been so long, the longest of all the girls' by far, reaching down to her hips. A bit like Rapunzel.
"He did this to you?"
Marlene nods, but she doesn't make a sound.
"You have to tell Bobby or Edwin-"
"No," Marlene cuts in rather harshly, her head shaking from side to side. "I don't want them to know. They'll just try to resolve it and it will only make it worse. Besides, I don't need my big brothers sticking up for me."
"Marlene-"
"No."
Sirius looks at Marlene's face, then her hands that hold her slaughtered hair, and then her head. It's so unevenly done.
Marlene notices he is staring and whispers in a croak, "I'm not going to be able to wear it up for weeks..."
Sirius doesn't think. He covers Marlene's still-shaking hand with his own and reaches out to cup her jaw, gently forcing her to look at him.
"I won't tell your brothers, I promise, but I'm not going to let Travers get away with this. You don't deserve this, McKinnon." Sirius' eyes zoom around as he thinks of what to do now. He has to do something. She's just sitting here with her hair in her hand. He stares at it and then back into Marlene's brown eyes. "I'll tell you what, how about we match?"
"What?" Marlene sniffles, face contorting with confusion.
Sirius doesn't stop to explain or even think. One moment he's holding Marlene's hand with her hair gripped between her fingertips, and the next he has the half of the mirror James gave him out of his pocket and up against the under-layer of his silky hair, just at the nape of his neck. A chunk rivalling the size of the amount of hair Marlene has lost.
"Wait, Sirius, no-"
Schhh.
Sirius pulls his hands away. In one is the jagged mirror, his face stares back at him, blank and completely unphased as if he doesn't know what he has just done. While his other hand is dyed like ink with blank strands cascading through the gaps between his fingers. Still curly.
"Tonks, what did you just do?"
Sirius' head snaps up at the sound of Marlene's worry-ridden tone. Her eyes are trained on him, a mixture of guilt and awe mixed in them like orange and green, together making brown.
"Hair grows," he mumbles and then drops his hair onto the grass.
Marlene's gaze follows the hair as it drops and then she holds her hand out and shakily drops her golden locks on top of the pile of black on the grass.
"What are friends for, right?" Sirius smirks, though it isn't cocky or to make himself look cool. It's because even though he just cut his hair off (and he bloody loves his hair), it doesn't matter and he wants Marlene to know that. Hair grows and together Sirius' hair will come back with Marlene's.
She shakes her head as if he is the craziest thing she has ever seen, lips curling up into a smile. He reaches for her hand and squeezes it to assure her he really is okay.
Thursday - 9th December, 1971
Astronomy has always been a fascinating subject to Sirius. Not only because he holds the name of a star, but also because stars have their own stories. Some have multiple. Each and every star is important. Stars can connect, like dot-to-dots. They can come together and invent new stories. Stories with pictures. They symbolise tragedy and love and hatred and power and joy and triumph. Stars are magical.
The Gryffindors have Astronomy every Thursday at 9pm with the Ravenclaws. Sirius always works with Xeno during these lessons. It's one of the three lessons they share together. Not only that - Astronomy is much more interesting with Xenophilius Lovegood sitting beside you, whispering ridiculousness into your ears about the stars.
"Stars are other universes calling us closer from faraway and the light we see is just the magic used by the Wizards over there. They can see our light too, and they call us a star," Xenophilius divulges quietly, like it's a secret that only Sirius is allowed to know.
"I wonder what they would call us. Our star, I mean," Sirius whispers back, humouring the other boy.
"Paulatim," Xeno replies instantly.
"Why Paulatim? What does it mean?"
"It means something is gradual, that it occurs little by little. I think that would be our world. We evolve so gradually that we don't even realise we're different until we stop to think about it."
Sirius focuses on the sky with wide eyes. He knows Xeno is just speaking nonsense, but a little part of Sirius believes in the idea that they could be a star. Wouldn't that just be so funny? Sirius - a star inside a star. Scratch funny. Wouldn't that just be so beautiful?
"Your star is over there." Xeno points at the brightest star in the sky tonight. Sirius already knew where to find it, he always does. "It's being looked after by Orion."
"The dog constellation," Sirius points out.
When Sirius glances sideways, he finds Xeno watching him with cloudy eyes. Distant. He isn't there anymore. This happens sometimes when he's seeing something. Sirius waits patiently for it to subside and when it does Xeno shakes his head and beams at him.
"That's the Regulus star," he grins while pointing to one of the brightest stars up there. It still doesn't quite outshine Sirius, but it's a good competitor. "The heart of the lion."
Sirius laughs. He can't help himself. Regulus. The heart of the lion? That snake ? Absolutely not. Someone named him wrong then, didn't they?
"He's not so bad, you know," Xenophilius affirms calmly, still watching the sky. There's a peacefulness to his face that Sirius is jealous of. It's the sort of peace that gives off the impression that Xeno knows the outcome of whatever is going to happen in their lives. He knows and he has made his peace with it. "Regulus."
"He hates me and I... don't like him back," Sirius sighs, frustrated just thinking about that little twerp.
"He's broken," Xeno states.
"What do you mean?"
Xeno's focus moves from the sky to Sirius. He's still stargazing. "There's a part of him missing and he doesn't know what to do without it. It's up to him to decide if he wants it back. Would you like to hear something tragic?"
Sirius nods, unable to form a coherent thought other than 'Yes. Help me understand. I want to know'.
"Isn't it just so tragic to be broken without even knowing it? Isn't it just so tragic to have lost something and forgotten you've lost it in the first place?"
Sirius feels pinned to the spot by Xeno's transparent, blue eyes. He's confused, to be quite honest, but he tries not to let this show. Instead, he sits in silence, thinking those two sentences over.
Isn't it just so tragic to be broken without even knowing it? Isn't it just so tragic to have lost something and forgotten you've lost it in the first place?
Notes:
Barty's new nickname unlocked "Junior", but only Dorcas can use it.
idk where Dorcas' monstrosity came from..it's just there now and I don't want to change it.
REGULUS' CAT HAT!! i love this idea so much, he looks so cutie patootie in it, I just know.
Dorcas is finally a part of the group. officially. yay.
We found out where Sirius wanders off to! It makes so much sense to me that the thing he misses most is the ocean and so he goes to the Black Lake for comfort.
not Sirius knowing Marlene as "the girl who wears trousers" (pls remember this was the seventies and was more controversial, especially in schools, even though the opinions were obviously wrong and anyone should be able to wear anything they want).
speaking of Marlene - I've missed her so much! SIRIUS CUT HIS HAIR FOR HER!! that is a very big deal, he loves his hair. they are going to have the best friendship!
Xeno, you're dropping some hints there and Sirius is just walking all over them and stamping them in the ground..."Stars have their own stories" - hence my name :)
Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the ramble there, I haven't spoken about the marauders for about two weeks. See you next Saturday!!
Chapter 8: First Year: Secrets
Summary:
The boys make some new friends.
James figures something out about Remus.
We find out why James is so down and depressed all the time!!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-werewolf transformation described from Remus' pov (short)
-a character has thoughts that they do not deserve to be alive/self-hatred and heavy guilt/depressed character
-a character vomits
-murder of a child mentioned (not described though)You're in for a somewhat deep one guys. Good luck. Sorry this is a day late (again), my phone broke and won't turn on, so I've been in mourning 😭
(translations in the end notes)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Everyone has a chapter they don't
read out loud.
~Anonymous
Monday - 20th December, 1971
Remus
Mam a tad annwyl,
Don't worry about the moon, the one at the beginning of the month was fine, so I'm sure this one will be too. Sirius and James (the roommates I told you about) have decided to stay at Hogwarts for the holiday to keep me company. I am grateful, but I wish I didn't have to hide so much from them.
Sirius is still as nice as always, he's been even more hyper than usual since his birthday. Somehow, he's already managed to go through his sweets supply. He and Pete always give me their chocolate frogs when they get sent sweets from home because they both know how much I like chocolate. Peter's gone home to see his family, he's been missing his mum a lot recently. Frank's gone too, I'm not sure where he lives, I forgot to ask. I will when he gets back. James has started to act strange again, I'm not sure why. It's upsetting Sirius and I don't know what to do. Any advice?
The only other Gryffindor our age who stayed behind is Azalia. She's very shy and is more friends with Frank and Alice, rather than us lot. Sirius said he's going to try and get her to sit with us at breakfast today so that she isn't alone.
Ayers (Sirius' gecko) has grown so much since the beginning of November! He used to be more brown but now looks orangey. I wish I had a gecko so that Ayers had a friend, but I also know there is no way I would remember to look after it.
I think that's all the updates I have for you. Oh, actually, did you ever find out what that black ball thing could have been? The thing Sirius got for his birthday. None of us have figured it out yet and we're not sure if it could be dangerous. Sirius still isn't sure who sent it but he refuses to give it into a teacher, the idiot.
I miss you and can't wait to see you at Easter.
Love, Remus
P.S: I miss your pain au chocolat's, mam.
Once Remus has read over the letter a couple of times, he bundles it up in an envelope and heads off to the owlery. It's still early, so James and Sirius aren't up yet but Remus doesn't mind the moments he gets to himself. The peace and quiet is rare in a dormitory filled with boys, especially in Gryffindor house. Everyone is loud and bold. Remus loves it, but sometimes he wishes he had a secret place to hide away for when he feels like reading a book in silence without having to hear Sirius' rendition of Bowie's Life on Mars.
He could go to the library, but James would just follow him. It's peculiar to Remus that someone like James Potter would follow Remus, of all people, around like a lost puppy. He's the heir to the third richest Pureblood house in Britain (behind the Blacks and the Malfoys). He's handsome and very good at school, he's kind and loves Quidditch. There is no reason for him to do so. Remus has noticed that James only ever follows him when he's trying to go somewhere alone. Perhaps James doesn't want him to be alone and is silently offering his company. Remus isn't sure. But James almost never speaks to him when he goes to the library, he'll just sit there in silence until Remus is finished or he'll do his own schoolwork.
Remus is grateful now that James is up in their dormitory asleep. It's not that he doesn't like James, he does. He really does. It's just that Remus grew up as an only child, so he's used to being alone most of the time. He's quite comfortable having time to himself. It's been absolutely impossible to find any alone time since arriving at Hogwarts.
He takes a detour on his way to the owlery, wanting to experience the halls of the castle by himself. The architecture of the castle reminds him of the Church back home, which somehow acts as a comfort; it's like a part of his mother is built into the very foundation of the castle, watching over him to make sure he isn't getting himself into any trouble.
Remus journeys through the entire East Wing, which is on the complete opposite side of the castle to the owlery. He doesn't mind stretching his legs a bit. He'd gone from physical exertion by bounding through the cornfields and climbing trees every day to barely getting enough fresh air. Well, that's unless you count Quidditch, but Remus isn't too fond of the sport. Besides, it's not like you're doing much to exert yourself. There's no running involved, the broom does all the moving for you.
The smell of fresh toast and chocolate pastries emanate from the Great Hall when he passes it and Remus almost gives in. But no, he can wait. He wants to post his letter before everyone else wakes up so he can do it alone. He greets a couple of the portraits on his wander through the corridors. There are no students around when he makes it to the court yard, which he passes through slowly. Breathing in the fresh air, it's crisp due to the winter morning, making it easier to flow through his lungs. He always has enjoyed the colder months more. Being a werewolf means he's always as warm as the sun, even in the dead of winter.
Once he's arrived at the owlery, he chooses a tawny owl who looks up for the long journey to Wales. He feeds it some of the dead earthworms that Sirius usually keeps close for Ayers. It chirps politely once it's finished and flies out of one of the owlery windows, letter tightly secured to it's knobbly leg.
On his way back to the Great Hall for some breakfast, Remus walks headfirst into the gamekeeper, Hagrid. The man's halfway to being a giant, Remus is sure of it. He's got to be at least eleven feet tall, on his way to twelve. His beard alone is the size of Remus himself, big and grizzly like a bear. He's never spoken to Hagrid personally before, but some of the older students have informed him of how friendly the man is.
Like right now, he catches Remus before he can fall backward on his butt, and lets out a bellowing laugh. "Easy there, er- what's yer name?"
Remus has to gather his thoughts, his mind still spinning from his almost fall.
"Remus Lupin."
"Well, Mr Lupin, be careful of where yer walkin'." He doesn't speak like the other members of staff at Hogwarts do, instead he beams down at Remus, his cheeks growing rosy like those Muggle gnomes his mam is obsessed with. "What yer doin' up so early?"
"I was sending a letter home," Remus shrugs. They've started walking in the direction of the Great Hall again, and Remus is unsure how he has managed to start a conversation by accident. Usually, he struggles hard enough to socialise when he's actually putting an effort in.
"Where's it yer from, Lupin?"
"Please, call me Remus," Remus pleads, trying to throw off a shudder. He hates the irony that is held in his last name, not that his first is any better. Still, at least his first name is his own and was given to him by his mother.
"O' course, Remus."
Remus smiles up at the gigantic man and answers his earlier question. "I'm from Wales."
"Far from home then," Hagrid comments with a sniff and Remus notices his beetle-black eyes have begun to fill with unshed tears.
"I suppose," he shrugs again. "I don't mind it though..." Lie. "It's nice here."
"Hogwarts is an easy place to find a home in," Hagrid sniffs again and wipes the sleeve of his moleskin coat across his face. "Lovely castle."
"Yes, lovely..." Remus mutters. He still doesn't know how he got here, nor why Hagrid is almost crying. "Umm, I guess I'd better go get some breakfast then." He points to the entrance of the Great Hall and Hagrid nods in understanding.
"Right, I'd better be getting back to the forest to feed Aragog," Hagrid smiles and then freezes. Remus suspects he's accidentally just admitted to something he shouldn't be doing. "I shouldn't have said that."
"I didn't hear you anyway," Remus lies. His hearing is actually much better than the average Wizards because of his lycanthropy. "See you around, Hagrid."
"Bye, Remus."
It's less than ten minutes later that the boys - and Azalia - find Remus stuffing chocolate chip pancakes into his mouth. Sirius bounds down the aisle between the mostly empty tables and plops down opposite Remus. James sits beside him, while Azalia sits beside Remus cautiously.
"See, James, I told you he would be here," Sirius says, pointing his finger right in Remus' face.
"What's wrong?" Remus questions once he's swallowed his pancakes.
"James was worried about where you were is all," Sirius mutters, not really paying attention to the conversation, instead just rifling through the different breakfast foods and trying to fill his plate.
"So, Azalia, why did you decide to stay behind?" Remus asks, turning to look down at the girl. She's quite tall for their age, but Remus is still much taller. He hates how lanky he is, how easily you could spot him in a crowd. He'd much rather be invisible and has the feeling Azalia feels the same way about herself.
"I was raised in an orphanage and didn't really feel like going back before I have to. Plus, I wanted to see what the castle would look like once decorated." She glances around at the Great Hall, which is not yet fully decorated, but is in the process of being so. There's a naked pine tree at the head of the room where the teacher's table would usually be. Remus guesses they'll be sharing the tables with the students during the holidays, considering there aren't many students here anyway. There's tinsel dressing up the mantel pieces on either side of the room and a couple of the candles have been charmed to glitter like stars, but other than that the Hall hasn't been decorated just yet.
"Well, hopefully you'll find out," Remus laughs awkwardly and Azalia returns it. "Have you heard from Frank yet? Or Alice?"
"Alice says she's spending the holiday with Barty Crouch and his family. Apparently, they do every year. I haven't heard much from Frank, just something about how his mother is forcing him to go to some fancy Pureblood event the Blacks are throwing."
"Oh, that's nice..." Remus isn't really sure what to say to that.
"It's a bit sad honestly," Azalia frowns. "The Edgecombes will be invited too because they're- we're Purebloods."
"We're? Wait... If your parents are still alive, how come you grew up in an orphanage?" Remus feels bad as soon as the words tumble out of his mouth. He realises how insensitive that must have sounded, but when he goes to apologise, he is interrupted by Azalia.
"Oh, my parents died in an accident in the Department of Mysteries when I was little. My grandparents are still around but they didn't want me because I was sick a lot as a child. It's fine, they clearly weren't worth it." Azalia smiles at him genuinely, he returns it.
"Do they know you're at Hogwarts then?"
"Oh, yeah. They sent me a letter at the beginning of the year actually. Something about some money my parents left behind for me, but I can't access it until I'm of age." Azalia shrugs and takes a sip out of her pumpkin juice. "It's fine, Remus. There's no need to look at me like I'm some tragic little girl whose family doesn't care about her. I already know all that, I've just grown used to it."
Remus stares at her confused. He's always thought she was such a shy person, and she is when there is a large group of people around, but she seems to trust him. It's a nice feeling- having people that trust you because they have chosen to.
"Sorry. I'm just surprised honestly. I don't think I've heard you say so much, you're always so quiet."
"Says you," she retorts cheekily and Remus... he understands why Frank talks about her so much. He vaguely wonders if Alice is the same; shy on the outside but on the inside a whole tidal wave of a person.
"BRADLEY!"
Remus and Azalia both jump back, almost falling out of their seats. Sirius has his hands around his mouth and has just screamed out the name Bradley. Remus doesn't know a Bradley. Is there a Bradley in their year group?
"Who's Bradley?" James whispers to the other two, they both shake their heads and shrug whilst Sirius waves at someone who is sitting at the other end of the hall. The boy - Bradley - grins at Sirius and saunters over to them. Bradley has bronze, curly hair that Remus is sure he should recognise if this person existed before today. Really, where did he come from? He isn't wearing his own clothes, unlike the rest of them, but is instead wearing a Hufflepuff uniform.
"Bradley, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Bradley!" Sirius introduces before pulling Bradley onto the bench beside him. "Bradley's in our Herbology class."
"And your Charms," Bradley snorts before flicking Sirius' shoulder.
Remus and James share a look that says What is happening right now?
"Oh, yes, Bradley," Azalia nods and Remus knows she has no clue who is sitting with them right now, but she's too polite to say so. He follows in her footsteps and pretends to know this Bradley person.
"Sorry, Bradley, what was your last name again?" Azalia asks. Remus is glad, maybe he'll remember who Bradley is if he knows the boy's last name.
"Bradley Harvetz."
Crap. Nope, he hasn't the faintest idea.
"Oh." She nods her head up and down a bit manically, clearly trying to search her brain for a Harvetz, but coming up blank just like Remus. He has to pretend to drink his pumpkin juice just to cover up his laughter. Azalia kicks him under the table.
"You lot have no idea who I am, do you?" Bradley questions them, raising a serious eyebrow.
They all admit that they don't and think Bradley is probably going to leave, but Remus gets his second surprising reaction today. First, Azalia is not so shy and second, Bradley apparently has a sense of humour.
He laughs and mutters, "Gryffindors. You've all got your head so far up your own arses that you don't even recognise people you see every day." Bradley continues to fall into hysterical laughter, which sets Sirius off.
"So, you're not upset?"
"No, not at all." Bradley shrugs and smiles kindly at them. "I'm sure I've made an impression now that you'll never forget."
"Well, you're right about that, Bradley," Sirius affirms as he grips onto his friend's shoulder.
Friday - 31st December, 1971
They spend the next week and a half sitting with their new little group. Azalia and Bradley join them for each meal and the group of five get to know each other better. James comes out of his shell a tiny bit, but not enough to fully satisfy Remus. He's decided if James doesn't stop ignoring them all by the time everyone returns home after Christmas, then he's going to have to talk to him privately about it.
Christmas was nice, the three Gryffindor boys opened their presents together once they were all up and ready. Then, they spent the morning with Bradley and Azalia wandering the grounds. It had snowed enough that they could build snowmen and make snow angels. And, as much as they all don't believe him, Remus knows it was Azalia who started the snowball fight! She threw one right at the back of Sirius' head and then hid behind Remus.
Azalia hears back from Frank again. Apparently he had to attend another Black family party on Christmas Eve and was forced to spend time with Regulus Black. He'd claimed he wasn't as bad as Sirius said he was, but also said not to say anything to Sirius. Remus, who had been told all of this by Azalia, promised he wouldn't carry the message on any further. Plus, he agreed with Frank, Regulus Black wasn't as bad as Sirius argued he was.
"Alice has Crouch, Frank has Black. Perhaps, I should try to befriend Rosier," Azalia joked one evening.
By the time new years eve has arrived, Remus is dreading the moon. The break has been so much better than he thought it would be, thanks to his new friends. Plus, his mam sent him some pastries from her bakery that he was able to share with everyone. James appreciates them the most (other than Remus himself, of course), saying he and his mum always bake together when he's at home.
Remus remembers the biscuits James had shared out on the train ride to Hogwarts during their first meeting. They had been heavenly and Remus assumed James bought them somewhere, but as it turns out he and his mum made them.
At seven o'clock, Remus stands up from where he had been lying on his bed and stretches. Some moons he'll feel restless and starving but on others he feels unmotivated and weighed down. Today has been one of those days. He hasn't had the motivation to do anything. He told James and Sirius that he feels sick and Sirius has made it his solemn duty to get Remus anything he needs - food, blankets, water, chocolate, a certain book from the library. He's even offered to get Poppy herself to come to him.
"I think I'm going to head off to the infirmary," Remus says through a very real groan. He can feel the wolf writhing beneath his skin, making his scars ache. His senses are always more powerful the closer he is to a full moon. So, when James' heart picks up pace and Remus smells the scent of nervous sweat, he turns to look at his friend who is watching him with anxious eyes.
Remus thinks he must know. There's no other reason for that reaction.
"I'll walk you," Sirius declares as he bounces off his bed and is at Remus' side in a second. "Don't worry, I know you don't want me to actually go in with you, but I'll drop you off and then we can come visit you next year."
"Next year?" Remus frowns.
"Tomorrow morning, it'll be 1972!"
"Okay," Remus agrees. He finds that James' heart rate slows back to a normal pace again for about two seconds before it starts running again.
"I'm coming too."
"Alright," Remus nods. He's not sure why but he knows James isn't going to take no for an answer. There's something about the way he is staring at the other boys... something like... he might be afraid they aren't coming back. Remus doesn't know.
He is so glad to see Poppy once Sirius and James have dropped him off. Sirius keeps his promise and leaves as soon as Remus has passed through the infirmary doors.
"Come on, we've only got half an hour before the moon is at it's apogee." Poppy scuttles around quickly, tidying things away while simultaneously making her way to the doors. Remus waits for her, just as he has before every other moon when she does this.
They keep together on their way down the grounds and to the Whomping Willow. Remus feels a pressure on his back, it's the same feeling he gets right before the wolf comes out. He warns Poppy, who speeds up. When they get to the tree, she halts the branches movements and leads Remus through the hole in the base of the tree. It doesn't take them long until they're in the shack that he has to remain in until the next morning. Poppy always apologises for it, but he knows it isn't her fault. Besides, the alternative would be to transform in the basement of his house whilst being chained to the wall so that he doesn't harm either of his parents.
The wolf hates being chained up. It doesn't like being trapped in the shack either, but it prefers that much more than the basement back at the Lupin farm. He's always waking up with dislocated bones when he's back home, which his father has to heal. This is much better.
"Alright, darling, I'll see you in the morning." Poppy leans down and presses a gentle kiss against his hairline. Remus smiles up at her until the door closes, then his face drops and he lets out a grizzly groan from somewhere deep in his throat.
He curses the universe for forcing him to endure this twice in a month. That means he's had to do this thirteen times this year. Five times at Hogwarts - he's surprised none of his dormmates have figured it out yet. Sirius with his nosiness, nor James with his quiet attention that he seems to have on everyone at all times.
Except, he thinks about the way James had looked at him and thinks, he must know. Why else would he have looked at Remus like he was about to rip to shreds in front of him? Or like he would be the one doing the ripping?
A shiver runs along his spine and turns into a full-blown shake of his body. He feels as his vertebrae begins to stretch outwards from within. His skin feels like gum or wax that is being stretched and melted by the sun (or, in this case, the moon) and Remus screams at the pain. He always tries his best not to. He got into the habit of trying to be as quiet as possible so as to not worry his parents, but he can't anymore. As he's gotten older the transformations have evolved to be worse. He's not been able to get used to them because they change. Each time is different. Each time is more painful than the last.
With his body, his mind fades and the wolf emerges.
***
Saturday - 1st January, 1972
James
It hasn't escaped James' notice that Remus is sick every single month. If it was the same illness each time, his mind might not have picked up on the bizarreness of it all. However, Remus has used the excuses that he is ill with a stomach bug, a migraine, a funny tummy. You name it. It's always different. Every single month.
Once James had pieced together that his friend was ill every month, he started to keep track of when specifically Remus would fall ill. Surely, his results had been a coincidence. Surely, they only coincided with every full moon because of pure chance.
During December, James had researched werewolves whenever he found himself in the library. Usually, he would follow Remus to the library, so the other boy wouldn't have to find his own way back to Gryffindor Tower. So, he would have to conceal what he was reading from the other boy, who never seemed to think twice about what James was doing.
He'd discovered that there would be a second December moon that year and wanted to test his theory. If Remus claimed to be unwell on New year's Eve, then James knew he would be right.
After last night, James did not get any sleep. Remus had been ill. On New Year's Eve. Remus Lupin is a werewolf. James almost laughs at the irony of his friend's name.
He wonders if the professors know- if Dumbledore knows. He must because Poppy is clearly in on it, which means the headmaster must too. It's his school and he should know everything that goes on inside of it. Which means their headmaster has allowed a werewolf to attend their school. James feels disgusted with himself as soon as his mind reaches this thought. He drops it immediately. Remus is his friend. Remus is kind and never asks James to give him space when he follows him to the library. He had been the one to comfort him on the train ride when Regulus left. He's the friend James feels the most comfortable to be in content silence with.
Remus Lupin is a werewolf, but he's also James' friend. He's never had very much luck when it's come to friends, which means he wants to hold onto the one's he's got for as long as they'll let him. James befriending a werewolf is probably one of the least troublesome friendships he's had.
Now, James isn't quite sure what to do next. He doesn't think confronting Remus about it would go down very well. He's not even sure what he would say. It's not like he can just march up to Remus and claim him to be a werewolf. That's stupid and would probably be considered rather rude - especially if he's wrong. But James knows he isn't. He knew there was something Remus has been hiding from the rest of them - not that James can say very much. He's got secrets too.
No. He isn't going to confront Remus. He will let everything play out as normal and wait for the day Remus decides he is ready to tell them all his secret himself. James knows he would hate for Remus or even Sirius or Peter to find out what he did and then throw it in his face before he is ready to share.
When Sirius stretches out of his bed in the morning, James concludes the mental fight he had been having with himself and decides to get ready for the day. It's a new year. James isn't sure how he feels about that. It's almost been two years since it happened...
This revelation makes James feel sick. How could he possibly still be going on after what he did? How is it fair that he has lived another two? He doesn't deserve to, he knows that, even if his mother always tries to drill into him that it hadn't been his fault. James knows she only lies to protect him from himself. He's been treated like a glass vase on the edge of a cliff for years now. He supposes he is a glass vase on the edge of a cliff.
"Couldn't sleep again?" Sirius asks from where he's brushing his hair in the mirror. He stares at James' reflection standing behind him. James' eyes wander to the jagged layer of hair at the very bottom of Sirius' head that he swears hadn't been there at the beginning of the year. However, whenever one of the other boys try to bring it up, Sirius just shrugs and says, "I'm offended you hadn't noticed before." So, eventually they all dropped the subject.
"Not really."
"Why not?" Sirius turns to face him now, face contorted with worry. There's always a hint of pity in Sirius' eyes when he looks at James, like he knows something has broken him and he's trying not to break him further. At least when Remus attempts to check in on James, he never has the pitiful stare. James supposes that's probably because of his furry little problem; Remus has most likely had his parents staring at him in that way for his entire life. "You worried about Remus? Don't be, I'm sure he's fine. He always is."
Sirius turns away from him.
"Yeah," James mumbles and thinks Remus must lie that he is fine every month. James isn't sure he would have the strength to ever do that. He's read about werewolves, about what the transformations are like. One witch with lycanthropy had described it as feeling similar to the Cruciatus Curse.
They go down to the Great Hall to grab some pancakes for Remus, but find Azalia and Bradley waiting at the Gryffindor table.
"Morning all," Sirius greets with a wink. "James and I are off somewhere today, sorry. I don't think Remus will be making it either. We will catch up with you at lunch though, so try not to miss us too much." He wraps the pancakes up whilst he talks.
"Oh, okay," Azalia says with a radiant smile. "Is Remus alright?"
"He's fine," Sirius grins. "All fine. See you later."
Bradley calls a goodbye and Azalia waves.
Their visit with Remus goes the same way it has every other month they've visited him. James doesn't understand how Sirius hasn't figured it out yet. He may be a bit of an idiot, but he's wicked smart. He has such a sharp mind that James really did not see coming. Sirius even looks like an imbecile, but he's not. He's one of the smartest students in their year.
James doesn't think he acts suspiciously or any differently around Remus. If he does, the other boy doesn't say anything. They all sit together and talk about what they're going to do during this new year. Sirius concludes that they must pull more pranks - that is what they'll be known for.
"Remus, how are we getting on that map idea?"
"Er... I dunno, Sirius. We spoke about it once. Ages ago," Remus responds.
"Bugger. We should think about that idea more. I liked it. Imagine being able to track anyone in the school. So, if you need to find them you would just have to open the map and find them. It would track their footsteps and everything."
"Can we even do that?" James asks, looking at Remus who reads the most out of the three of them, so if one of them would know if it were possible it would be him.
"Yeah, there's the Homonculous charm which when enabled by a user onto a piece of parchment allows them to track a specific person."
"Brilliant!" Sirius yells a little too loud, making Remus wince. "Let's start on it as soon as possible. Then, we'll be the best pranksters this castle has ever seen! Even better than the Prewett twins once we've got the map and James' invisibility cloak."
"You really do aim high, don't you, Tonks?" Remus snorts.
"Go big or go home is what I say."
They do a little more prank planning until lunchtime, which is when Remus is excused from the infirmary. Once they're out, they go to find Azalia and Bradley.
Sunday - 16th January, 1972
James is not getting out of bed today.
No one can convince him to. They've all tried but they won't be able to.
There's been an owl scratching at the window for the past hour, but he refuses to let it in. He knows it will be a letter from his mother telling him how everything is fine. It's not his fault. He should go easy on himself. As if he isn't a monster.
Whenever one of the other boys try to open the window, James snaps at them to leave it alone. He knows he'll feel bad about being rude later, but right now he doesn't care because all that matters right now is that today is January 16th. Today marks two years since James... since he...
He pounces from his bed, making the other three boys that have remained in the room jump, and only barely makes it to the toilet before he's throwing up last night's casserole. It doesn't last very long, but once it's over he feels drained. So exhausted that he just slumps against the toilet bowl, resting his cheek on the seat. Later on, he'll think of this moment and realise how gross this actually is.
Sirius and Peter are whispering about something - James is sure they're talking about him. They both watch him with worry but he doesn't reassure them, he doesn't say that he's okay. That would be lying. Frank isn't here. He's spending the day with Alice and Azalia before they have lessons tomorrow.
It's Remus who closes the door for him to block the pitying looks. Except... he doesn't close the door to leave James alone, he steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. James is too tired to question him.
He closes his eyes, trying to focus on the cold temperature of the floor under his fingertips. He listens as Remus starts pulling out toilet paper, wrapping it around his hands a few times. When James opens his eyes again, he finds that Remus is cleaning the toilet bowl.
"No, Remus, you don't have to. I'll do it-"
"James, it's okay." Remus smiles at him and rests a hand on the side of his neck in a friendly gesture. "I don't mind. I'm ill all the time remember? Could you just lean against the bath for me?"
James nods and moves to rest his back against the bath instead. Remus flushes the toilet and then swipes at the spot on the toilet seat where James had been leaning his face. Once he's seemingly finished cleaning up after James, he makes his way over to the bath and plops down on the floor beside him.
"Do you want to clean your face? I can do it if you're too tired," Remus offers.
James rolls his head to the side to get a glimpse of his friend. Oh, Remus is a very good friend. James' eyes well up with tears at the thought. Remus has always reminded him of Harry... never more so than right now.
"I don't think I can..." James croaks and lets out a low sob as he stares at his knees which are bent up to his chest in front of him.
Remus reaches out and tilts James' chin gently, then he's wiping away whatever is on his face with just as much care.
"I'm sorry," James whispers. A stray tear escapes from his eye and he swipes it away quickly.
"Never apologise for not feeling your best, James."
"It's all my fault," James whimpers and feels as more tears burst free from his eyes.
"What is? You keep saying things like this, you always do and I never know what you mean." Remus, who has been patient up until now, snaps. It's not harsh or rude, he just sounds tired. James hates the idea that he is tiring his friends. "I know this may not be the best time to bring this up, but you go through stages where you treat us like the best friends you've ever had one minute and then the next... I don't even know... you just sort of shut off."
"I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what?" Remus pushes and James feels it. He is a glass vase on the edge of a cliff and Remus has knocked him. James just isn't sure which way yet. Is he falling? Or is he safe? Will he shatter? Or will he simply tumble into a security he hasn't felt in years?
"Afraid of you!" He shouts and then covers his mouth with his hands because he hadn't meant to say that.
Remus blinks harshly, obviously hurt. James wants to hit himself. That is the last thing he should ever say to a friend - especially a friend who is a werewolf.
"Why would you be afraid of me?" Remus asks in a voice so small that James almost starts to cry again.
"Not just you, Remus. All of you," he admits. It is in this moment that James realises it's his choice whether he shatters or is knocked the other way and survives. "I've had a best friend before and I lost him... It was my fault."
"What do you mean, James?"
James faces the wall opposite him, knowing there is no way he would ever be able to look Remus in the eye whilst confessing this. It's his darkest secret and he isn't sure if he should be trusting someone he only met four and a half months ago, but it's Remus. Somehow, Remus is the one he's allowed himself to get closest to.
"When I was six, I would play on my own in the gardens behind my house because there weren't any other Wizard children in my village. One day, I decided to play outside the front instead and it just so happened to be the day this boy ran past my home on his own. He had stopped right outside our fence and was leaning on it to catch his breath, he hadn't noticed me yet. I was just standing there with my Omnioculars to see if I could see the planets in space." Remus snorts and James carries on. "He was a Muggle and I didn't want him to see what I was holding because I knew we weren't supposed to say anything but I also... well, I was curious because I'd not seen anyone my age properly before.
"When he finally spotted me he told me his name was Harry Wilkins and that he had run away from school because he hated it. We were both only six and I still don't know how he managed to escape a school, but he never told me." James frowns, the thought that he'll never find out dawns on him. He tries to ignore it and carry on with the memory. "Anyway, eventually his mum found him talking to me and she said that Harry, like me, didn't have any friends either. He was my first friend and I was his too. We ended up going around each other's houses a lot.
"When we were eight my mum said we were allowed to play in the woods without supervision but only if we went in so far. Of course, Harry never went by the rules and we ended up halfway in the forest. We'd found this old house that was long since abandoned and decided that we would go back to it every day."
James smiles sadly thinking of the depressing little building in the middle of the woods that he hasn't been to for exactly two years.
"When we were nine we were playing in the woods in the house. My mum said we had to be back before it got dark because the woods were dangerous at night time. When it started to get darker-" James chokes on his words, feeling as his throat begins to swell. He isn't sure if he can do this actually. It's probably too late to back out now. He hasn't spoken about this to anyone, other than his parents. It's even more difficult than he ever imagined it would be. "It started to get darker," he clears his throat, "and so I said we had to go because I didn't want to worry my mum. But Harry wouldn't go, he said he didn't want to yet. He was always so stubborn and I was a pushover- still am, I guess. I never liked to argue with him because I was so afraid he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. So, when he refused to come, I got mad because I really didn't want my mum to think anything had happened to us. We got into this big fight and Harry said I should just go then and leave without him because he didn't want me there anymore. So, I told him I hated him and I left him and... and I..."
He covers his face with his hands as the world blurs around him. Tears paint his face, thick and pouring, never stopping. Remus rests a calm hand on his back and starts swiping up and down.
"It's okay, James. You don't have to tell me if you can't," Remus whispers and then rests his chin on top of James' head. Remus isn't one for physical touch, James has noticed over the past few months. James thinks he would be the same about touch if his body ripped itself apart every month. "I understand."
"No," James mumbles. He sniffs and lets out a quick breath. "I can. I can do this. Okay, so I left and I felt bad right away, so I ran all the way home. I got home and ran right upstairs to my bedroom because I was so angry at him for what he said to me and for what I said to him. My mum tried to get in but I wouldn't let her. Apparently, I had cast a locking charm on my door. That was the first time I ever showed signs of magic. An hour or so later, there was a knock at the door and it was Harry's mum. She was saying that he hadn't come home yet and she thought he was at our house. My mum came up to get me but I had already opened my door and started coming downstairs once I heard Mrs Wilkins. I told them what happened and burst into tears when she told me that Harry still wasn't home yet. My dad and Mr Wilkins went to search in the forest where I told them we went but they couldn't find him. They found the abandoned house but not Harry.
"Mrs Wilkins eventually called the police and told them what had happened and so there was this whole big search that lasted all night." James turns to look at Remus now. Remus who is kindly listening to every word James is saying without interruption. Remus who is still rubbing calming circles onto James' back. Remus who is never going to want to be anywhere near James again once he's heard this. His voice is monotone when he speaks again. It has to be otherwise he fears he would only hear hatred in his tone; hatred for himself because it was his fault. All his fault. "They didn't find Harry until morning. One of the police officers found him on the bank beside the river that runs through the back of the forest and into the next town. Harry was murdered and it was all because I left him alone in the dark. That's why I- I can't handle it when any of you go off on your own and why I can never sleep in the dark. I'm so scared. I'm so scared because that is the last thing Harry must have felt. He was alone in the dark and he died because of it. I am the reason he is dead... I killed him. It's all my fault."
"James, it isn't your fault. There is no way you could have known that was going to happen. You were only nine and you were frightened."
"It was my fault," James whispers. "That's why I'm always so distant and why when Sirius tries to make me his best friend I shut myself off. Why would anyone want to be my friend after that?"
"Well, I don't know about Sirius or Pete," Remus removes his hand from James' back and takes hold of one of James' hands instead, "but I still want to be your friend."
"Why?" It comes out broken.
"Because you are one of the best people I have ever met, James." He goes to interrupt, to say Remus is mistaken. He can't have understood what James said very well. Remus doesn't let him say anything though. "Don't deny it, even if you don't believe it. You are one of the best people I know. The face that you have been worried about everyone around you because you are afraid of something happening to us is just a result of your trauma, James. You've been like this since September when you barely even knew us and you still cared about us enough to lose sleep over it. For all you knew, we could have been horrible people."
"Anyone would care-"
"No, they wouldn't. I know for a fact that Pete wouldn't lose sleep over any of us if we were wandering around the castle in the dark. He'd much rather get his eight hours."
James snorts and Remus squeezes his hand.
"You're not a terrible person, James, and you're not at fault. You're just broken and that's okay. Would you like to know why?"
"Why?" James hiccups.
"Because you aren't made of glass or china, you're a human being and humans heal. It may take some time and some effort on your part, but one day you won't feel so broken anymore. The only way you can do that is to stop blaming yourself. I know it's easier said than done. It's also easy to blame yourself for things that feel like your fault, but you just have to trust the people around you. Do you trust me?" Remus' brown doe eyes focus intently on James' own and suddenly he senses the part of Remus that has a wolf buried behind the knitted jumpers, the books and the chocolate addiction. He feels the domination in the room.
"I trust you."
"Then don't lie and actually trust me when I tell you, it isn't your fault. I promise."
"Okay," he mutters even if he doesn't want to.
"And James, if you want I can leave a candle lit for you at night. If any of the boys try and blow it out, I'll just relight it for you."
James smiles wobblily at his friend and feels properly safe for the first time since arriving at Hogwarts. Really, for the first time in years.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS (welsh):
Mam a tad annwyl - dear mother and father
Mam - motherSPECIAL MENTIONS:
Hagrid, my love. People always forget that he has been working at Hogwarts since 1943. He totally would have been friends with the marauders like he was with the golden trio.
Azalia! I created this girl and I adore her so much!! We will hear more from her.
I made up Bradley too and he kinda annoys me rn, but he's going to grow out of that dw.
James figured the whole werewolf thing out - it was bound to happen, he's so observant in this fic.
Speaking of Remus- I LOVE HIM IN THIS CHAPTER!! he is my child.
We found out James' backstory 😬 uhm.. a bit dark, but also... no, I have no excuses. I really said "what would be the most traumatic thing?" Also, Harry Wilkins' death anniversary just passed irl..
Chapter 9: First Year: Letters
Summary:
Regulus makes a new friend.
The marauders find a secret about the castle whilst pulling a prank.
Remus helps Sirius out with something.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-walburga sends a howler (uses "blood traitor" and "half-breed")
I think that's it.. if I missed anything feel free to let me know!!This one was quite fun to read back :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Weeds are flowers too, once
you get to know them.
~A. A. Milne
Tuesday - 25th January, 1972
Regulus
When Regulus leaves the Slytherin common room before his roommates are even dressed, he ignores the Great Hall and the delicious smell that comes with it. It's Tuesday morning, which means the Slytherins and the Ravenclaws have Herbology together during first period. Every week, Regulus goes straight to the greenhouses to meet Pandora, who gets special access by Professor Sprout to admire the different plants in the older year's greenhouses before the classes of students start spilling in .
Pandora has a great love for plants, especially flowers. She had been majorly disappointed to learn they wouldn't be doing anything other than textbook work for the entire first year of their school career. It would be next year when they would start to actually learn how to look after the different plants through practical experiments.
Today, Regulus finds her in greenhouse five, which is used by the fifth year students. He only found her because of her bright white hair that acted as a beacon. She has her back to him, her focus determinedly set on a buttercup-yellow rose. It's unusually large for a rose, almost the size of Pandora's whole head.
Regulus arrives at her side and, without glancing away from the flower, Pandora hums a hello.
"Why have you chosen this flower today?"
"It feels fitting, don't you think?" She tilts her head, eyes squinting at the rose. Regulus copies her but doesn't see any difference. It's still a rose, it's still yellow, and it's still abnormally large. "Yellow roses symbolise contentment, Reggie. That's all I feel will come out of our first year."
"I suppose that's good," Regulus replies quietly.
Personally, contentment isn't the word he would use. Perhaps his time at Hogwarts could have been worse, he's got good friends and has some of the highest grades in the year. Christmas had unfortunately ruined his contentment. He had been immured to his room with barely enough food and water to survive merely because his mother was unhappy about his Potions mark. It had been almost perfect, but not the highest in the class. Regulus had just wanted to forget about Christmas, the Blacks never celebrated it correctly anyway. It was all pompous parties and family heirlooms for presents. No love, no fun.
Regulus had even been forced to surround himself with the children of the Pureblood houses that had attended. Most annoyed him and he ignored them for the majority of the night. However, Frank Longbottom had been a pleasant surprise. Regulus thought he would be as arrogant as the rest of the Gryffindors, and he had been more convivial than Regulus preferred, but he hadn't been supercilious in the least. He was capable of sitting in silence without finding small talk a necessity.
In the end, they had only really spoken about Quidditch and how neither of them wanted to be at the party. Nothing that would necessarily label them friends or require them to greet each other in the halls.
"What about next year?" Regulus asks, referring to the flowers around them.
"For you or for me?"
Regulus hesitates. He doesn't want to come off as selfish, but he would like to know. Pandora giggles at him and takes his silence as an answer.
"Next year will be a very lavender year for me," Pandora smiles radiantly in a way that makes Regulus wonder if she herself had been a flower in a past life. "I think the closest flower I can come up with that would sum up your next year would be... an orange lily."
Regulus' mind immediately goes to Lily Evans and he scowls.
"Brilliant, so what? Me and Evans are going to become best friends next year then?"
Pandora laughs again. "The flowers aren't to be taken literally, Regulus. Orange lilies represent hatred."
"Hatred?" He stares at the roof of the greenhouse with disbelief.
"And enthusiasm and energy. Next year- well, I can't really say very much, but it's going to be the tempestas ante tranquillitas."
"The storm before the calm?"
Pandora nods solemnly.
"Isn't that a good thing?" He questions, looking at her again.
"It is a good thing," Pandora mollifies him and then she glances back at the yellow rose. "Just don't forget that whilst every storm ends, new ones are brewing." She glances at him sideways. "And they will come."
Regulus thinks over that for a while. It's a bit too ominous for him, if he's being honest. Sometimes it frightens him how Pandora knows so much. He is certain that if it were he who could see the future, he wouldn't be able to handle it. It's a daunting thought that Pandora can see the consequences of his future and is not allowed to inform him of them.
"I've upset you," she frowns.
"No, you haven't," he lies, not wanting to disturb her previous contentment by making her upset. "There are just some things I wish I had the answers to."
"I know, Reggie. I'm sorry I can't provide you with them."
"Can you tell me what my third year flower will be?"
"I shouldn't..." But she smirks at him and Regulus knows she won't be able to resist telling him. "You actually have two."
"Two?" He furrows his eyebrows. Pandora has never mentioned two flowers for a person before.
"It's rare," she explains, "and only ever occurs when something unplanned by the cosmos happens. It will happen, I know it. Regulus, it will be the most important thing and you cannot dismiss it even though I know you already will. Accept it. Promise me you will."
Regulus has no idea what Pandora is talking about but she's acting as if it's the difference between life and death. He wonders if maybe it is.
"I promise."
The worry vanishes from her eyes and she goes back to the flower for a final time. "A alstroemeria and a white stargazer lily."
"What do those symbolise?"
"Spoilers," Pandora whispers, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.
Their Herbology lesson drifts slowly past them. Regulus mentally curses whoever approved of the timetable having Herbology as a morning lesson when they aren't even doing anything interesting. Barty falls asleep on Evan's shoulder halfway through the class and is startled awake when Sprout drops an empty plant pot beside his chair.
Dorcas joins them, just like she has every other lesson they have together. She's officially conflated herself into their group now. Regulus doesn't mind her company, so long as she keeps her opinions about Regulus and Tonks' similar appearances to herself. If he's ever unsure on an answer in class, he can just ask Dorcas and she has it set and ready to go for him every time.
They all have Charms together second. Regulus is glad he doesn't have to part from Pandora yet. On the way to Flitwick's classroom, she slows them down so that they are further away from the rest of their friends and whispers, "I made a new friend and I want to introduce him to you."
"Is he in our Charms?" Regulus asks, trying not to walk too slow, not wanting to be late to class. Merlin knows what his mother would do to him if she found out he had been unpunctual.
Pandora laughs. "No, he isn't. Let's meet at the end of the day and I'll take you to see him."
"Okay, I have Defence last-"
"Meet me near the Quidditch pitch," Pandora interrupts. "I've got flying last and it's closest to him."
Regulus goes to reply but finds they have arrived, so he saves his questions and his confusion for later.
"Hello, Reggie," Pandora grins when she lands in front of him, easily gliding off her broom.
"Hi, Pan," Regulus replies in a questioning tone. "Is your new friend a Hufflepuff or something?"
"No, come on!" Pandora takes his hand whilst simultaneously dropping her broom on top of the pile of them already gathered on the floor.
Regulus follows her, their hands intertwined the entire time, as she guides him in the direction of the forest. He thinks he should probably be concerned over the fact that he isn't even questioning her, he's just hightailing it directly into the deadly forest right after her. No questions asked.
Except... they don't enter the forest. Right before the break in the trees, a hut appears, standing isolated and tattered-looking. Regulus has never noticed it before. Crops grow around the build in an ordered array; pumpkins and cabbages and carrots. Crows attempt to attack it all, but are gently pushed back by an invisible barrier before they can get their beaks into the food.
"Pandora, where are we?"
They come to a stop outside the overly-large front door of the hut. Regulus can smell a pot-roast permeating from inside and his mouth begins to salivate. Pandora raises her tiny fist and pounds it against the door with much more power than Regulus had thought possible from his friend.
The sound of a gravelled laugh vibrates from the other side of the door and is followed by what sounds like someone dropping a dozen sacks of potatoes onto a stone floor. There's a jingly sound and then the handle turns and-
"Afternoon to you, Pandora!" Hagrid, the Hogwarts game and groundskeeper, calls from eleven feet above them. "Oh, I see you brough' yer friend you were talkin' about!"
"Regulus, this is Hagrid," Pandora introduces them.
"Come in, I've just brewed some tea."
Hagrid scuttles out of the doorway and further into the dark hut. Regulus takes hold of Pandora's elbow and urgently whispers, "Pandora, what are you doing? He's a grown- very grown man and we're children. How do we know it's safe?"
"Reggie, he's my friend. Hagrid is harmless. I've been here before and I'm completely fine, besides, he's important." She points to her temple, tapping it lightly with her fingertip. "I can tell."
Regulus glances into the dark space before them, then to Pandora's temple and then her eyes. The sincerity in them is overwhelming, so with a sigh, he relents.
The cabin is cluttered. Pots and pans the size of large dogs hang from the ceiling, along with what looks like layers of dragon hide and bunches of unicorn hair. Regulus' eyes wander the tiny space more eagerly now. There's a kitchen squished into the back of the room and a circular table with a bench winding around the entire thing. Pandora sits in the only other seat in sight, which is an armchair that would probably fit Pandora, Regulus, Evan, Barty, and maybe Dorcas too. He sits beside her now.
Hagrid makes his way back over to them with mugs of tea. Regulus had to hold it with both hands. It may as well be a soup-bowl.
"It's nice ter meet you, Regulus. Pandora has told me all about you."
"Oh," Regulus mumbles. He isn't sure what to say to the man before them. "She hasn't told me anything about you."
Pandora elbows him and he grunts, but Hagrid just laughs loudly.
"In all honesty," Hagrid starts once he's settled down again, "I was worried I wouldn' like you, Regulus. You look a lot like a boy I went ter school with, but yer funny and he never was."
"Thank you," Regulus says quickly, trying his best not to be rude for Pandora's sake. He takes a sip out of his bowl of tea, just to keep the attention off him. He thinks about what his mother's reaction would be to this scenario. She would probably use the Cruciatus on him just for giving Hagrid his attention.
"I remember yer father," Hagrid says, sipping from his own tea.
"My father?" Regulus brings his cup back into his lap, suddenly interested.
"Yes. I was gamekeeper when he was a student 'ere. He was always nice, he and tha' cousin of his- Alphard. Never like the rest of the Blacks. No, Orion and Alphard used ter come down and pay me a visit every now and then too."
"My father visited you?" Regulus almost drops his tea.
"In secre', o' course. Never wanted to ge' him in trouble with his family."
Regulus can't believe it. For a moment, he entertains the idea of writing to his father about it, but then he remembers his mother exists. If she were to get hold of the note, it would be a death sentence for him and his father.
They spend the rest of the evening at the hut drinking tea, and Hagrid shares with them his pot-roast because they miss dinner. He quickly learns that whilst Hagrid can cook, he cannot bake. Afterwards, he offers them some rock cake that he made himself. Regulus regrets his life decisions. Those were not rock cakes, those were rocks - he is sure of it. It's dark when they head off back to the castle.
Wednesday - 2nd February, 1972
If Regulus knew how horribly today would go, he would have stayed in bed. Honestly, looking back he'd been too optimistic, which is strange because he's usually been more of a pessimist. Typical that the day he decides to try and enjoy himself everything goes wrong.
He gets dressed using the minimal light that shines through the lake and into the dungeons. He could light some candles, but Barty isn't awake yet. Neither is Amycus, but Regulus doesn't care about him. Evan is using the bathroom. He had waited until Regulus was done with it to get out of bed.
Once Barty has finally dragged himself out of bed and gotten ready, the three of them leave Amycus alone. He's still asleep and will probably miss the first two lessons if none of them wake him up. Unfortunately, this dream is crushed by Alecto, who comes springing up the stairs. When she notices Evan, she goes to grab him but he dodges her at the last minute and practically tumbles down the rest of the stairs. Regulus and Barty follow him in a more dignified manner, but with no less speed.
Dorcas and Pandora are already sitting in their usual spot at the Slytherin table, so the boys join them and immediately jump into their conversation.
"What are you guys talking about?" Barty asks as he slides in next to Dorcas and immediately hangs one of his arms over her shoulder.
She rolls her eyes but doesn't tell him to move. "Kiss, marry, kill. Pettigrew, Lupin, Potter."
"Easy," Barty says as he pops a grape into his mouth. "Marry Lupin, kiss Potter and kill Pettigrew."
"Yeah," Evan agrees and then makes a mmm sound. "Actually, I think I'd switch Potter and Lupin around. Lupin is too defensive of Tonks and that would cause arguments between us, which would not be a very healthy marriage."
"I think you're thinking too far into this," Barty smirks.
"No, he has a point," Dorcas cuts in, pointing her toast in Evan's direction.
"I agree with Barty," Pandora adds. "I wouldn't want to marry Potter, it would be disloyal."
"To who?"
Pandora doesn't answer, so Dorcas turns to Regulus.
"What about you?"
"What about me?" Regulus questions. He's scared and he isn't sure why.
"Kiss, marry, kill. Lupin, Potter, Pettigrew."
"Kill all of the above," Regulus replies instantly, voice flat.
"Hey!" Dorcas cries. "Remus doesn't deserve that."
"Fine, I'll kiss him, but then I'm obliviating him."
"So who are you marrying, Pettigrew or Potter?"
Regulus groans and leans his forehead on Pandora's shoulder. She pats his hair gently and says, "He's going to kill Pettigrew because he's Tonks' best friend and then marry Potter."
Regulus withdraws from her and gasps in mock offense. "You really think I would stoop so low and marry Potter?"
"Yes," Pandora answers seriously.
Regulus scrunches his face up at the thought. "I would rather kiss Professor Binns."
"That can be arranged," Barty speaks through a devilish grin.
"I don't like this game."
"Ooh, the mail is here," Evan says, thankfully changing the subject.
A letter is dropped in front of Evan. He opens the envelope and two pieces of parchment fall out. He passes one to Pandora, it's the one with her name written in curly writing on the front. Dorcas is delivered a newspaper and Barty gets nothing. Regulus wishes he got nothing. He watches as one of the Black family owls comes swooping in, gaining on him. He feels stuck to his seat, held down by the red of the envelope tied to the bird's leg.
The owl discards it in front of him and Regulus just stares at it.
"Oh no," Pandora whispers from beside him at the same time Barty guffaws.
"What did you do?"
Regulus ignores the question and instead picks up the red envelope. They've gathered attention now and are sure to claim some more once the letter bursts and starts shouting. He unseals it and the envelope slips from his fingers, morphing into the shape of a pair of crimson-red lips mid-air. He straightens his posture as if on instinct and glares at the lips.
"REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE FAMILY NAME BY WANDERING AROUND WITH HALF-BREEDS! I EXPECTED BETTER THAN THIS FROM YOU! YOU'RE THE ONLY HEIR TO THIS FAMILY, SO YOU MUST FALL IN LINE! WE CAN ALWAYS PULL YOU FROM THE SCHOOL IF THERE ARE ANY DISTRACTIONS! THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER SCHOOLS YOU CAN ATTEND! I HEAR DURMSTRANG HAS A FEW EMPTY SPACES LEFT! STOP STAINING OUR NAME AND LEARN THE WAYS OF YOUR FAMILY! IF I SEE THAT YOU ARE BEATEN BY A BLOOD TRAITOR ONCE MORE THERE SHALL BE DIRE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOU, BOY!"
By the time Walburga's voice fades away into nothing but an echo still living in the hall, every student and staff member has fallen silent. Regulus blinks a few times as he tightens his jaw. He has to remind himself that she isn't here and she can't get him. Pandora's comforting hand on his hand is enough to keep that information fresh in his mind.
His eyes wander across the hall to the Gryffindor table. Walburga had referenced Potter in her letter, calling him a blood traitor who he should no longer be beaten by. He feels sick to his stomach as Potter watches him from the other end of the room, eyes wide and concerned behind his glasses.
Regulus goes to pick up his cup, ripping his eyes away from everyone. But the cup never meets his hand. Instead, it begins to float into the air. Every time he reaches for it, it flies higher and higher, further away from his grasp. Suddenly, all around the hall goblets and plates and cutlery begins to float away from students.
It takes him a second to process what is happening, but when he does he glares over at the Gryffindor table. Everyone blamed the hair colour-changing prank on the Prewett twins, but Regulus knows it had been Tonks and his stupid friends. Tonks looks at him now, smirking. He looks so cocky that Regulus daydreams about punching the expression off his face.
Luckily, the trick took everyone's eyes off him and so he has the opportunity to escape. He takes it and heads off down to the Quidditch pitch. He has flying first with the Gryffindor idiots. His day just keeps getting better and better.
His friends follow after him, but it's Barty who catches up first. He bumps into Regulus' side playfully, but Regulus doesn't smile.
"Hey, you could take it as a compliment that she pays so much attention to you," Barty shrugs. "I mean, I could probably run around the school naked and do a little dance and my father wouldn't care."
"Is this supposed to make me feel better, Barty?"
"My point is, even if it's completely prejudice and cruel of your mother to treat you that way and say those things... at least she knows you exist. I wish I got a howler from my father, I'd take bloody anything right now. The man wouldn't talk to me over Christmas, so I spent it with Alice and her family. My mum came but she's always so quiet, like a little hermit crab hiding in my dad's shadow like it's her shell."
"Barty."
"Yeah?"
"Do you even know what you're saying at this point?"
"Not really, no," he replies without a hint of sarcasm. Regulus laughs and Barty smiles triumphantly.
***
Sunday - 13th February, 1972
Sirius
Sirius sneezes as a pink, heart bubble pops right in his face. Remus laughs and he shoves the other boy playfully to the side.
"Stupid bloody bubbles."
"This was your idea." Remus snorts, watching as Sirius starts swatting the bubbles away from his face. They have to be quiet because they don't have the cloak. James and Peter, who are on the other side of the castle doing the same thing, have it. Sirius did bring his mirror though, so if anything goes wrong they can signal to James to come and rescue them. It's not ideal, but until they make their map, this is the best they can do.
"I said we should do a Valentines day prank, you're the one who came up with the idea to make all the bubbles follow people around the castle and pop in their faces."
"You weren't supposed to do it to yourself, ti'n noethlymun."
Sirius stops walking and Remus groans as he turns around, also stopping. He knows they're on a time crunch here, but since when did Remus know how to speak a different language?
"What did you just say?"
"I called you a noethlymun," Remus responds simply like it's no big deal.
"And what is a noith-phlegm-nem?" Sirius asks, completely butchering it.
"Noethlymun," Remus corrects him and swivels on the spot. He starts walking again, charming any bubbles that they pass. Sirius follows. "It means numpty."
"Oh, okay. Wait a second." He stops again and so does Remus. "I am not a numpty."
Remus raises a single eyebrow.
"You wound me, mon idiot."
"Did you just call me an idiot in French?"
"I called you a numpty in French actually." Sirius begins moving down the corridor again, acting nonchalant.
"Since when could you speak French?"
"My mum is fluent in it, so I've been learning it from her my whole life," Sirius shrugs. "How come you can speak a different language?"
"I live in Wales."
Sirius just stares back at Remus, eyes blank.
"You do know that there is a Welsh language, right?"
"Actually, I didn't," Sirius mumbles. "Now that I do, I must learn it. You'll have to teach me. We can have a secret language that no one else can understand!"
"Okay, but you do know that like a third of the students here will understand it. It won't be that secretive."
"Pete and James won't understand it," Sirius cuts in. "Will you teach me your secret language, Remus?"
Remus opens his mouth and holds up one finger and then silences himself. "Fine. I'll teach you a word a day. Here's your first word - dwp."
"Dwoof," he repeats.
"What are you, a dog?" Remus laughs and then says the word a few times until Sirius gets it.
"Dwp?"
"Yes."
"What does it mean?" He bounces on his feet with excitement.
"Stupid," Remus grins and picks up his pace, leaving Sirius behind and gaping at him.
"Well, you're stupide too!"
"I am not," Remus argues.
"Then neither am I!"
"Prove it."
"I can," Sirius counters as he catches up to the other boy. "I know secrets about people, Lupin."
"What secrets?" Remus asks and Sirius notices how his voice drops an octave.
"Je sais que tu es un loup-garou," Sirius whispers.
"I don't know what you're saying, dwp."
"That way it will stay a secret," Sirius smirks. "Voici un autre secret : je ne le dirai à personne. Je promets."
Remus just rolls his eyes and carries on charming the bubbles.
It hadn't taken Sirius very long to notice Remus' disappearances were suspicious, but the idea that his friend could be a werewolf hadn't hit him until the January full moon. All of their friends were gathered in the common room because it was Lily's birthday. Out of the boys, Remus was closest with her, but he didn't show. It wasn't until the next day when the boys visited the infirmary that they realised where he had gone.
That was when Sirius' mind began to piece together that there was something going on.
Confrontation isn't one of Sirius' strong suits, so he knows he won't be asking Remus about his theory anytime soon. At least, not until one of the other boys figure it out. Sirius doesn't have much hope for Pete, who is as oblivious as a blind fly, but he wonders if James has noticed the correlating pattern of Remus' apparent illnesses.
Speaking of James. Ever since he had been sick a month ago and Remus had followed him into the bathroom, his roommate has grown more comfortable around the boys. He still clings sometimes and Remus has taken to lighting a candle every night before bed that Sirius, Peter and Frank were ordered not to touch, but he's better.
Sirius wishes he knew what the boys had spoken about. Wishes he knew what it was Remus had done to finally break through the shell James had secured around himself since they met him. If he never finds out, that will be fine. So long as James continues to further accept them all with each passing day.
He and Remus have been silently charming the bubbles for the last twenty minutes without a single disturbance from Filch or a professor. They are in the South Wing of the castle now, which means they are just above the dungeons and are beginning to approach the corridor that leads to the Great Hall.
Just as Sirius lifts his wand to another cluster of rose-coloured, heart-shaped bubbles, Remus holds a hand out, stopping him. Sirius looks at his friend and sees he is using one of his fingers to cover his lips, signalling him to be quiet. His ears are pricked up (if human ears can do that) as if he can hear something. When Sirius tries to listen, all he hears are his own slow breaths. He's curious on whether Remus' more developed hearing is because of his possible lycanthropy or if it's just because Sirius has spent so much time in the ocean that it has officially clogged his ears.
"What is it, Remus?" Sirius whispers.
Remus immediately clamps his hand over Sirius' mouth as he bangs him against the stone wall. He's almost slammed into a statue of a hideous, old witch. Remus' eyes are still darting around the other end of the hallway, when his nostrils begin to flare.
"Can you smell that?" Remus says so silently that Sirius almost doesn't hear him.
"Smell what? Remus, what's-"
"Chocolate." His eyes have wandered to the statue beside them now. Sirius can't remember it's name- he'd heard one of the older students mention it in passing once, but it hadn't been memorable enough for him to store it away in his mind. "Why would there be a statue that smells like chocolate?"
"Maybe it's another secret passageway," Sirius snorts as soundlessly as he can with the help of Remus' hand which is still over his mouth.
Remus looks at him finally and only then does he realise the position they're still in. He pulls away and apologises quickly, then he stares at the witch statue as if honestly considering Sirius' statement to be true.
"Someone's coming and there's nowhere to hide," Remus murmurs quickly. He holds out his wand and taps it against the statue. Nothing. The boy groans and then blinks; Sirius thinks he sees an idea forming behind the other boy's eyes. "Dissendium."
Sirius opens his mouth to argue that if they are about to be caught then they shouldn't be wasting their time on a statue of an old hag, but then there's a sound like stone scratching against marble. The witch slides noisily across the flagstones and reveals a hole big enough for Remus and Sirius to slide into. They do without hesitation - which, in hindsight, Sirius realises probably wasn't the best idea. When they are inside, they notice it's not just a hole... it's a tunnel.
Remus doesn't make any move to continue further into the tunnel, and instead presses his ear against the back of the statue, which has now sealed them into almost complete darkness. Sirius stays still behind him, watching and waiting. It's another ten minutes before Remus decides it is safe for them to leave the quiet hiding space.
When they do, Sirius doesn't waste any time pulling out his half of the cracked mirror and calling for James. He explains what they found and tells them to finish up with the prank and to meet him and Remus at the witch statue. James informs him that it's called the 'One-eyed witch' statue and is of 'Gunhilda of Gorsemoor'. No wonder Sirius forgot it.
It takes almost twenty minutes for James and Peter to arrive from the other end of the school. They shed the invisibility cloak far enough away from Remus and Sirius that they don't jump at the sight of them appearing from thin air. Remus repeats his spell as he taps his wand against the statue once more. They slip inside and start down the tunnel.
"I wonder where it leads!" Peter squeaks as he bounds down the space excitedly.
"Remus smelled chocolate, so maybe we'll find Wonka's chocolate factory at the other end," Sirius replies with a short laugh.
"Whose chocolate factory?" Peter questions, sounding puzzled. Sirius notices in the minimal light they have that James has no clue what he's talking about either. He wishes he could see them better, but they haven't learnt the spell to light up their wands yet.
"It's a Muggle book, Pete," Remus answers.
The tunnel stretches so far that Sirius begins to think it will never come to an end. They must have been walking for over an hour now. Peter begins to yawn from beside him and James' footsteps have become heavier. Sirius' eyes have adjusted to the dark to the point where he isn't even sure if they are open anymore. Remus doesn't seem tired in the least as he continues to stride forward, claiming the chocolate smell is becoming stronger. Sirius is starting to believe Remus is making it all up.
Until they come to a stop. A dead end.
Except... there's a trapdoor on the ceiling, which has gradually grown narrower. This will only make it easier for them to climb up through it.
There's a padlock dangling from the trapdoor, but it looks loose, as if someone arrived before them and already unlocked it themselves. Remus turns back to the other three boys, who are all suddenly more alert than they had been only a couple of minutes before. He shrugs and reaches up to push at the wooden slab. It seems to lift easily against Remus' strength.
Sirius can smell the chocolate now. But not just chocolate - sugar.
Remus jumps up through the hole in the ceiling and then reaches down for Sirius. He braces one of his hands against the entrance and holds tightly onto Remus' grip with his other. It doesn't take that big of a jump for him to find himself on the next level alongside Remus. As the other boy helps James and Peter up too, Sirius' eyes gaze wondrously at their surroundings.
Boxes stacked on top of boxes surround them, all with the label 'HONEYDUKES' on them. Sirius gasps a laugh and turns to his friends.
"We're in the basement of Honeydukes!" He exclaims in a whisper.
"But how on Merlin's great earth did you smell the chocolate all the way from Hogwarts, Remus?" Peter gapes.
The other three boys fall silent. Sirius glances up suspiciously at the lack of following questions, his eye meeting James' immediately. They share what feels like an eon of silence between them before Remus clears his throat and both boys turn their attention on him.
"Don't know," Remus shrugs, "just got a good sense of smell, I suppose."
Sirius blinks and curiously looks back at James, who side-eyes him. That is when it hits Sirius that he is not the only one who has suspicions about Remus. He swallows and decides to change the subject.
"Hey, at least now we can have as much free food as we want!"
"Isn't that stealing?" James asks. He doesn't sound paranoid though- Sirius would go as far as to say he sounds a bit sassy. He likes this new James.
"You've already broken in and entered, Potter. Can't your heart handle a little more criminal activity?" Sirius smirks to show he's teasing him.
James returns it and clasps his hands behind his back before slowly striding forwards like an old man. "Oh, you know me, Tonks. My heart would give out at the audacity of such an act."
"Everyone, stuff your pockets. We have to head back soon," Remus says, ignoring the two of them.
Monday - 14th February, 1972
The next day, there is chaos in the halls as everyone scrambles to evade the stalker bubbles. Sirius is in his element and beams at the scene around him. Remus is the best at keeping a neutral face and acting as if he had nothing to do with this. James seems just as thrilled about it as Sirius, whilst Peter looks nervous.
"What if the teachers find out it was us? Surely, they have a way of seeing if students are out of their beds."
"Don't worry yourself, Pete, you'll go bald. No one will know it was us," Sirius assures him.
His day only improves when they make it to the Great Hall for breakfast. A particularly large bubble cluster has taken a liking to the Slytherin table- the first years in particular. Sirius watches, enlivened, as Regulus Black is flustered by pink-heart bubbles. Black reaches his hand out to swipe them away, but the bubbles just dance around his hands and spin in a halo around his head. One lands on the very tip of his nose before bursting all over his face, leaving a thin layer of pink slime.
Black, who is usually very good when it comes to composing himself, growls and glares straight over at Sirius like he knows it was him who was behind it. Sirius just bellows out a laugh, right along with Peter who had also noticed.
Azalia and Alice come bursting into the hall, and for a moment Sirius is sure they are trying to escape the bubbles. However, when Azalia sits down beside Remus with a cheeky grin, Sirius knows they are about to hear something worthwhile. It's the same exact look Peter gets when he's got a juicy bit of gossip to share with the group.
Alice sits down next to Azalia and they all lean forward on the table at the same time.
"Guess who we just caught snogging in the courtyard," Alice speaks noiselessly, trying not to draw attention to the group.
"Who?" Peter almost shrieks, always one to need to know everyone's secrets.
"Bobby and crazy Sybill!" Azalia's eyes light up as she announces the news.
"No!" Sirius covers his mouth, trying to subdue his shock so no one tries to listen in.
"Uh-huh and they were really going at it too, hands and everything. Marlene's brother can do better, honestly," Azalia comments, leaning back in her chair now.
"I can't believe it," Peter says, shaking his head.
"Neither could Marlene. She had gone and broken it up, of course. Lily and Mary are with her now."
"Sybill isn't so bad," James chimes in. Everyone around him turn to him with looks that say Are you kidding? "What? She's nice, isn't she? Okay, so she may not be all there, but at least there will never be a dull moment in their relationship."
"Are you sure you don't fancy her, Potter?" Sirius snorts.
"What?! No! I just don't think judging other people's relationships is nice because you never know what they'll be like in a relationship unless you're the one dating them, do you?"
None of them get the chance to respond to James' question, because at that moment, the owls arrive. Sirius has a whole box-full of letters from his parents that he keeps in his trunk. He knows today isn't a letter day, but that doesn't stop him from searching for their owl - Hudson.
There is no letter for him, but one does drop in front of Remus. Sirius watches the boy as he reads his letter, which is likely from his parents. He is sure Remus doesn't know anyone else outside of Hogwarts. Not that he's ever asked - he probably should.
"Did someone send you a valentine, Lupin?" Sirius jokes.
Remus blushes and mumbles a "no" but doesn't specify who it's from. Instead, he simply folds it back into it's envelope once he's done with it and then pushes it into his pocket.
The owls continue to swoop in and, even though Sirius had been joking before about receiving valentines, a couple of owls fly closer to the Gryffindor table and drop letters in front of James and Sirius. Alice gets one too.
The boys who got mystery letters stare at each other in confusion for a second. When Sirius opens the first of the two that were delivered to him, he finds that the paper has been charmed pink and the letter was written in purple gel-pen.
Sirius, oh Sirius, beauty, divine,
Please on this valentine,
will you be mine?
Please don't draw the line,
consider you mine,
my beautiful valentine.
When Sirius finishes reading it, he almost bursts out laughing, thinking it must be a joke from one of his friends. But then he thinks if it is from someone, he wouldn't want to hurt their feelings by laughing. Even if he doesn't want to be some anonymous person's valentine.
It must have been written by a first year, considering it's lack of creativeness. Honestly, they used the words "mine" and "valentine" to rhyme twice. Amateur.
Somehow, the second one is worse.
Bless the earth for gifting it with you,
you're valiant and true,
with eyes of deepest stormy blue.
Hair as black as coal,
skin as pale as snow,
please don't say no.
Sirius can't stop himself from chortling after this one. It's just so bad. Who would try and rhyme snow with coal? He lays the two notes down and places his plate on top of them to hide them. James, who had received a single valentine, is staring down at the piece of parchment in his hand with horror.
"What does it say?" Sirius leans over and James passes it to him without an ounce of hesitation, looking thoroughly traumatised.
This isn't a usual valentine,
I won't be asking you to be mine,
or begging for any of your time.
You know me and I know you,
what I say in this all rings true,
but please don't try and guess who.
This is a secret just for us,
I truly don't want to make a fuss,
with all this soppy, romantic stuff.
There are just some things I wanted to say,
to perhaps help to brighten up your day,
so please listen, please stay.
You are kind and unstinting,
and it's got me thinking,
how lucky I am to know you.
You're a mischievous plotter,
sometimes a bit too posh and proper,
but you are perfect to me, James Potter.
Sirius glances around the table as if he is going to find someone watching them intensely from the corner of the room. No one is looking their way though, no one has noticed the anonymous valentines.
"Who do you think it's from?" Sirius slides the note back across the table to James, who shoves it in his pocket.
"I have no idea."
Throughout the course of the day, the boys try to figure out who could have sent the note. They riddle their brains and keep their eyes out for anyone who may look their way for a little too long. Other than a sneering Severus Snape, no one captures their attention. Sirius is about ninety-eight percent sure the valentine hadn't been from Snivellus.
By the time they arrive in their dormitory after supper, Sirius gives up trying. Clearly, the person is adamant on staying anonymous. Sirius figures if they are worth knowing about, then one day they might reveal their identity and actually ask James out face-to-face.
Not yet though. The thought of having a girlfriend makes Sirius shudder - they are far too young for that.
"Sirius."
Sirius breaks away from his thoughts and follows the voice. He finds Remus, who is standing beside his own bed and waving at him to come over. Sirius does without question. He sits down on the end of Remus' bed without asking for permission. He levels with himself that it's fine because he always does this when Remus is in the infirmary and it isn't any different now.
"I have something for you."
"Is it a valentine?"
"Information actually," Remus chuckles and sits down opposite him; he pulls out the letter he had gotten at breakfast. "But call it what you'd like."
"Your letter?" Sirius ponders aloud.
"I wrote my tad about a month or so ago, asking if he knew what that ball you got could possibly be. I know you said you didn't want to tell any adults in case they insisted on taking it away because it could be dangerous, but I didn't want to risk any of our safety and I knew my tad wouldn't tell." Remus unfolds the letter and scans over it once more. "He had to do some research to make sure he was right, which is why it took him so long to get a response for me. See, we're not really that integrated in the Wizarding World, not since my tad quit his job in the ministry anyway."
"But he did find out what it is?" Sirius asks, feeling anxious with excitement as he leans closer with anticipation.
"Yes. Apparently, important Pureblood families used to gift them to their children during their first birthday after attending Hogwarts. Like some initiation thing or something to prove they were developing into a powerful witch or wizard like the rest of the family. Lots of people would shrink theirs down and put it in a necklace or a ring or some type of jewellery. It's black, but if it starts to glow it means the owner of it is in perilous danger. Usually, they'll give it to someone close to them, since it makes more sense for someone else to have it and know whether they are safe or not, rather than the owner having it. If you're in danger, I'm sure you wouldn't need some glowing ball to tell you that," Remus chuckles.
"If it's all Pureblood families that do this, why have I never seen anyone else with one before? And why have I got one? I'm a Half-blood."
"My tad said in his research he found that the tradition died out after Grindelwald was defeated because people didn't see it as a particularly important thing to own anymore. Only a couple of families kept the tradition alive, but it didn't say which ones. I'm not sure why you would have gotten one or who from, but you have. Maybe it's from someone on your mum's side of the family? You did say you don't know who they are- there's a possibility they could be some stuffy Pureblood family that goes by the old traditions still."
"That sounds like them," Sirius grumbles. He hates talking about them or thinking about them. There isn't much that he actually knows about them, except for the fact that they were bad enough to his mother that she had to run away from all of them. "They don't know I exist though."
"Unless they do," Remus adds ominously.
Sirius almost shivers at the thought. If they do know about him- if they are capable of sending him mysterious presents, could they try and get to him? He isn't sure why they would try, but he knows he doesn't want them to. Not at all.
"What are you going to do with it?" Remus' voice brings him back to reality for the second time that day.
"Well, it isn't dangerous. I think I will turn it into a necklace and keep it for now. Perhaps, I'll give it to you at some point in the future," he smirks and Remus' cheeks tinge pink. It turns Sirius' smirk into a smile. "That way you'll always know if I'm safe."
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
ti'n noethlymun = you numpty (Welsh)
mon idiot = my numpty (French)
dwp = stupid (Welsh)
stupide = stupid (French)
Je sais que tu es un loup-garou = I know you are a werewolf (French)
Voici un autre secret : je ne le dirai a personne. Je promets = Here is another sectet: I won't tell anyone. I promise (French)
tad = dad (Welsh)I have A LOT to say, so skip it or buckle in!!
-updates will be every weekend (not set on a specific day because I am unreliable)
-I love using Pandora to foreshadow the future, it's really fun, you should try it sometime.
-Hagrid literally being friends with EVERYONE, even Orion and Alphard Black
-ALSO not Evan, Barty, and Regulus being gay when playing fmk and not even realising it..
-hmm... Pandora thinks marrying James would be disloyal.. I wonder what she could mean 👀
-SIRIUS KNOWS REMUS IS A WEREWOLF! HE ALSO THINKS JAMES KNOWS! Let's see how THAT goes.
-I had to add that Wonka reference (I saw it four times in the cinema...)
-I love the Remus and Sirius moments. I had completely forgotten I wrote them, so that was a pleasant surprise!
-we found Honeydukes! (the picked lock was the Prewett twins, they also found it years ago)
-REGULUS BEING ATTACKED BY FLOATING, PINK, HEART BUBBLES IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN
-sybill and bobby (they're about to be rly cute)
-those valentines the boys received are shit for two reasons. 1) they were written by 11 year-olds 2) I wrote them (I'm 16)
-WE FINALLY FOUND OUT WHAT THE BALL IS!!!!!! who do you think sent it 👀😹Okay, rant over. Until next weekend!
p.s: I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading your guys' comments. they make me cry. happy tears, of course 🤗
Chapter 10: First Year: Partners
Summary:
Permanent Potions partners are confirmed.
James and Remus are cuties <3
James is paired with a certain Slytherin in their flying lesson 👀
Notes:
*quick disclaimer: I use google translate because I only know english.. sorry if anything is inaccurate!!*
WARNINGS:
-someone has a panic attack (not explicitly described or even from that character's pov)
-mention of someone having a fear of harming others
-another mention of Walburga's howler ("blood traitor" used)
I hope that is all of those! as always, feel free to let me know if I've missed anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I spent my weekend reading your favorite books
just so we’d have something to discuss
~ Chloe Ament
Monday - 21st February, 1972
Remus
Remus hasn't been worried about James for a long time. It's a good feeling, it means James is allowing himself to finally move further from his past, and Remus is honoured to be a part of that. But there's always a little part of him still on high alert, ready for the day when James forms back into his stone self. He hopes that day never comes. He hopes James continues to develop himself and thrive at Hogwarts.
James and Sirius have been inseparable ever since James began to properly apply himself to their friendship. Remus hadn't thought about it much before, but those two are unfailingly similar. Sometimes it's cute, watching the way they bound around each other like a couple of stray dogs hyped up on sugar - or whatever it is that gets dogs all crazy. Other times, it's so annoying.
During those days, Remus usually tries his best to ignore them. However, if those days fall close to a full moon and Remus is in a testy mood, he gets antsy and his anger builds up until he snaps. Apparently, the two got the message, because they've calmed down. Well, if you call going from chasing each other down the halls like little kids to tackling each other in the corridors calmed down, then yes - that is what they have done.
The only time Remus would actually consider them "calm" is when they are pulling a prank or sneaking through the passageway behind the witch statue to get to Honeydukes. They had discovered the tunnel just over a week ago, and already Remus thinks they have been there six times.
What Remus doesn't tell the boys is that each and every night, he can smell Regulus Black wandering the corridors. Usually, he's much higher than them in the castle, but thanks to his canine sense of smell, Remus can still pick up on his scent from floors below.
He wonders where Black goes every night. He also ponders how he is never caught. Or, at least, Remus doesn't think he ever is.
Today, they have Herbology last. Remus doesn't mind ending his Monday in the greenhouses. Sometimes the different scents of all the various plants - mystical and average - grow bothersome for his oversensitive nose. But he likes his partner - Florence Spring. She's a Hufflepuff and Remus has been working with her ever since their first lesson. They don't do anything practical, ever, which is disappointing. Sprout still finds work for them to do that requires partners. Usually, it's just research tasks. Luckily for Remus, Florence is very intelligent, so he never has to worry about his almost perfect Herbology grade dwindling.
Besides, Florence is hilarious and she snorts when she laughs, which always sets Remus off. He had been a bit afraid to work with her in the beginning because she was a new person who he had never even spoken to before. Plus, they weren't in the same house, so he didn't see the point in attempting to create a friendship with someone he would rarely see.
Turns out, Florence had other plans.
They don't speak to each other much outside of Herbology lessons. If they pass in the hall, Florence will wave and say a polite "hello" or "good morning/evening", and Remus will return the gesture.
The only one of Remus' friends who know Florence is Sirius, but that's mainly because Xeno and Florence are in the same friendship group, so he usually sees her when he's hanging around his Ravenclaw friend.
Remus is listening to Florence recall something that happened to Kingsley in the courtyard the previous morning. He had been drinking at the same time Benji tripped over himself and landed face-first in a mole-heap. His water sprayed out of his nose, drenching Florence's friend Callum Greengrass.
The greenhouse is silent, since today's task is to recap their knowledge, ready for the quiz next lesson. So, Remus struggles not to laugh in the mute space, but it's an almost impossible task when Florence begins to re-enact Callum's reaction to getting sprayed with Kingsley's nose water. Thankfully, his attention is caught by Sirius who bounces his chair (literally bounces) over to their part of the table. He isn't exactly quiet about it, but Professor Sprout seems to be enraptured by her new yellow-rose breed. It's the size of Remus' face at least. He's never seen a flower so massive. It hadn't been in the greenhouse the previous week, so he wonders briefly where it could have come from.
"Psst! Remus," Sirius whispers, not exactly being quiet.
"Yes, Sirius?"
"I just overheard Evans saying that next Potions lesson ol' Sluggy is finally going to give us permanent Potions partners. I swear to Merlin, if I get placed with Black, I'm going to get resorted into Ravenclaw just so I have an excuse to leave the class."
"What makes you think you would get into Ravenclaw and not Hufflepuff?" Remus questions, raising an eyebrow. He's only teasing Sirius. He is sure that if he hadn't been put in Gryffindor, then Tonks would have absolutely ended up in Ravenclaw.
Sirius just shrugs. "I'm cleverer than I am patient."
"Checks out," Remus mumbles with an almost invisible snort.
Sirius rolls his eyes at him and looks as if he is about to hop back over to his place beside Peter, when he pauses and leans even closer to Remus than he had been before.
"What's my word for the day?"
"Pert," Remus says before he can stop himself. He isn't sure why he chose that word, usually he just teaches Sirius the first word on his mind, which ends up being something like "ridiculous" or "annoying". He's usually referencing Sirius.
"Pert," Sirius annunciates it perfectly his first time. When Remus nods to show his approval, Sirius' face cracks into a gleeful grin. He practically buzzes in his seat. "What does it mean?"
"Uhm... pretty," Remus replies. He can feel his face growing warmer and he isn't sure why. It is a bit stuffy in the greenhouses, especially since Spring is arriving.
Sirius thinks this over and then glances around the room. His eyes are squinted and his mouth is scrunched up on one side of his face. This is what he looks like when he's using his brain and evaluating something, usually a test question. Once his eyes finally settle on something, he elbows Remus in the ribs, that stupid Sirius Tonks grin on his face and whispers, "Emmeline is looking very pert today, don't you think?"
"Uhh. Yeah, I guess," Remus mutters and stares back down at his work. "I should get back to work and you should just... umm... hop away."
"Bye, Lupes!" Sirius cackles loudly as he does hop away. Sprout doesn't even turn around.
Tuesday - 22nd February, 1972
The next day in Potions, everyone crowds towards the back of the classroom. Remus can feel the anticipation in the room. He doesn't understand what the big deal is. Next year, Slughorn will just switch it up again. This is only going to be permanent for the next four months, if that.
Sirius keeps switching between being excited and being ticked off that Slughorn might have the audacity (his words) to pair him with Snivellus or Black.
"Sirius, I'm sure he won't, and if he does then you can just tell him it wouldn't be a good idea for you two to be Potions partners," Remus reasons.
Lily makes her way over to him from where she had been standing with Snape at the other end of the room.
She groans and leans herself against Remus, who is already hunched back against the wall because he doesn't want to have to stand. It's a week until the next full moon and his body can feel it.
"Stupid Sev," Lily grumbles. She loops her arm around Remus' and then clunks her head down on his arm. It doesn't quite reach his shoulder because he is stupidly tall. "All he's going on about is that he might be paired with one of you four. He needs to get a grip, it won't be the worst thing in the world."
"It might be," Sirius says.
"Ignore him," Remus says and pats Lily on the head with his free hand. "He's complaining about Snape and Black."
Lily opens her mouth to say something else, but it is that moment that Slughorn announces his arrival. He winks at a couple of his favourites and waves at some of the Slytherins. Remus is almost surprised when he doesn't blow a kiss Lily's way by the size of the smile he gives her. The thought of that happening almost makes him laugh.
"Now, let me see here." He shuffles through some papers on his desk. Remus feels as Lily's feet fidget on the floor, switching her weight from each side in nervous anticipation. "Ah, yes, here it is. This lesson your partner shall remain so until the end of the year. In September, I will reassign partners just to mix it up a bit." Slughorn beams at them all, clearly not sensing the mood of the room.
He flicks his wand in the direction of his paper, his face focused and considerate. He makes a few adaptions and then turns his attention back to the group of students.
The Professor begins to call out pairs whilst pointing at tables, assigning them seats as well as partners.
"Peter Pettigrew and Severus Snape," is the first pairing that Remus actually catches. He can't help the chuckle that tumbles out of him at the sight of Peter's gaping mouth. The boy slowly moves over to one of the front tables and takes his seat beside Snape.
"One down," Sirius mutters, "hope Peter will be okay though."
"Sev never does anything to you! You're all just bullies. It's him who you should be concerned about sitting beside Pettigrew."
"Pete's harmless," Sirius whips his hand through the air as if to say "pfft" and then crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the back wall of the classroom.
"I'm not a bully," James squeaks. Remus immediately looks over at his friend, sensing that same old solemn mood he used to find him in. He pulls himself away from Lily and goes to stand beside James, who hates being rude to anyone. He had admitted this to Remus during one of their bathroom talks, which is something Remus had decided they should have a couple of times a week to assure James was definitely getting better. One night, he had confessed to Remus that he didn't like being mean to anyone, even those who might deserve it, because he didn't want to come to regret it like he did with Harry. Since the last words they ever said to each other were ones topped up with hatred.
"James," Remus speaks softly. He reaches out slowly, like a question, and James doesn't pull away, which is usually his sign he doesn't want to be touched. So, Remus takes his hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. "You aren't a bully, mate. Ignore Evans." Remus sends her an angry look, which he has never done before.
She shrinks and he almost feels guilty, but the tiny trembles of James' hand prevents him from being able to.
"I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean you." She diverts her look pointedly over to Sirius who just smiles sweetly at her. "You're much nicer than some of your friends."
Remus doesn't think Lily is referring to him, so he doesn't say anything. He hopes she doesn't mean him. He only ever includes himself in the Snape slandering when the Slytherin boy goes too far with one of his friends. No one hurts his friends and gets away with it.
"It's all good, Evans." James beams at her like he was completely unfazed by the entire thing, but Remus knows better. He remains by James' side until their names are called.
Sirius is paired with Barty, which he decides could be worse. He concludes that if Alice can tolerate him, then he will be able to as well.
"Plus, he's better than Black," Sirius smirks as he pushes himself off the wall and saunters off over to Barty.
Marlene and Dorcas are paired together. Remus doesn't know a lot about Marlene, only that she is quiet and has a dry sense of humour just as he does. What he does know is that Dorcas is a particularly loud individual and he isn't sure how that will mix with Marlene's personality.
Frank and Alice are put together, which Remus thinks is just unfair. Frank had sent Alice a card on Valentines Day and ever since the two of them have been acting rather close. Closer than usual. They're only twelve, so Remus doesn't understand why they are already thinking about those sorts of things (girlfriends, dates, Valentines). He definitely is not thinking about girlfriends.
"Lily Evans and James Potter."
Remus pouts. He was hoping he would end up with one of those two. The only other options he wouldn't mind would be Azalia or maybe Mary. Hopefully, he is paired with one of those two.
James lets go of Remus' hand. Remus hadn't even realised their hands were still intertwined until then. He clears his throat and pats James on the shoulder as a kind of reassurance. Lily and James wander off to a table in the middle of the classroom, Lily with a bright smile on her face and James with a big, fat, fake smile on his face.
Remus sighs. At least James is trying, though Remus is sure he will have to bombard him later in the bathroom just to get him to talk about it.
"Remus Lupin and Regulus Black."
He can feel Sirius looking at him but he tries not to catch his eye because he knows exactly what it will be saying. Something like "Unlucky sod, you got stuck with Black." But the thing is, Remus doesn't mind working with Regulus too much. He's quiet and doesn't feel the need to fill their comfortable silence with meaningless conversation. He's efficient when making potions and is one of the most talented for the subject in the class.
Remus glances over at Black who just nudges his head in the direction of their assigned table as if trying to start off with a civil... relationship? That word doesn't sound right. Partnership. Yeah, that's better.
He allows Remus to have the aisle seat, since James and Lily are sitting on the table beside them, so Remus will easily be able to talk to them if he chooses to. Although, normally when he's brewing a potion, he gets so entranced by his work that he doesn't talk to anyone and just... makes the potion.
Once the seating arrangements and new partners are established, Slughorn informs the class that today they will be working on a potion that they technically shouldn't be learning until second year, but he is sure they can survive the challenge.
"It's the Swelling Potion, not very difficult, but try not to get it wrong."
Everyone start bustling around them. Remus turns to Regulus, who is staring at the floor like it's the most fascinating thing he has ever seen.
"Want me to get the ingredients and you get the cauldron?" Remus asks.
"Yeah, okay. Just-"
Remus interrupts. "I know. Don't get the wrong ingredients. You're going to have to learn to trust me, Black." He smirks and wanders over to the storage cupboard where all of the ingredients are.
Sirius finds Remus and instantly starts bombarding him with questions.
"Has he said anything? Is he being horrible? I can't believe you got paired with him."
"Sirius," Remus exhales sharply. He doesn't want to get angry at his friend, he's just much more sensitive because of the time of the month. Oh my, he sounds like his mother. "Please, just- It's fine. Black is fine. I don't mind. He's capable at Potions, so I'm just glad my grade won't slip. I think in the long run, being paired with Amycus would have been worse."
Sirius bops his head from side to side and then hesitantly admits, "Yeah, I guess so. Still, if he says anything-"
"I know. You'll hex him."
"Well, I would, but we haven't learnt any practical stuff yet. I was just going to say I will throw my DADA book at his stupid, little head if he's mean to you."
Remus laughs and shakes his head. "You're so dumb, Tonks."
"You love me."
He returns to his shared table with all the correct ingredients and together, Remus and Regulus perfectly make the Potion. Unfortunately, James and Lily still manage to beat them. It's only by literally two minutes, which makes Remus want to scream, but he tries to contain his rage. Regulus, on the other hand, backhands his pencil off the table and huffs whilst sitting down on his chair.
Remus remembers the howler Regulus had been sent from his mother and how she had screamed at him because a "blood traitor" (obviously James) had repeatedly beaten him in Potions. Instead of finding Regulus' little strop funny, Remus just feels bad for him. He would never show any pity because he hates it when his parents look at him that way, but that doesn't stop him from feeling it.
He isn't sure what compels him to have this thought, but Remus decides that from now on he is going to make his potions as quickly (and correct, of course) as possible. It's a small kind gesture to someone who most likely despises him, but the idea of anyone getting a howler like Regulus did makes his stomach turn uneasily. He wouldn't want Regulus to get another one.
James
Today has felt unfairly long to James. It started off okay. Breakfast was nice; he and Sirius had been discussing trying out for the Quidditch team next year. Alice and Frank were holding hands under the table, which only James and Azalia seemed to notice. (They shared secret smiles about it.)
Then stupid Potions came along and... ugh. James has been trying this new thing that Remus likes to call "no more hating on James". He's just glad that whilst Remus had been enthusiastic, he wasn't inclined to give him a full-on pep talk. However, they do have meetings in the bathroom every couple of nights. James is very grateful to have Remus as his friend. He isn't sure what mind-space he would be in right now if he didn't have the big lamppost as his best friend.
Anyway, back to Potions. It started when Lily Evans had called him a bully.
James makes it his job (as in full-time, has to hire a babysitter to look after the kids during the weekends job) not to include himself in the Snape bashing. James wouldn't call it bullying. He has seen bullies and what Sirius and Peter do, while not nice, is not bullying. No, he isn't biased. Bullying implies the person is being constantly heckled and attacked for simply existing and is not inflicting pain back. Well, Severus Snape is anything but a helpless victim. He gives what he gets. Or... he gives and then he gets. Usually, he is the provoker. (Okay, maybe James is a little biased. Don't judge him! He's not very experienced with having friends!)
Either way, James hated being accused of bullying someone. He loathes the idea that he is possible of causing pain for anyone. Ever since he told Harry he hated him, James has made sure to watch his words in his anger and to not say something that could cut through someone just as harshly as his final words to his first best friend in the world had.
Then, he almost had a panic attack in class. He couldn't control it and it was a bit embarrassing but hey-ho! It's happened now. Again, he's thankful for the godly gift that is Remus Lupin. He'd been even more embarrassed to find himself clinging to Remus' hand, but the other boy hadn't appeared to have noticed - or if he had, he didn't say anything.
On top of all of that, James was paired with Lily.
Don't get him wrong, Lily is very sweet, if a little bit pompous. She is one of those people who is much smarter than everyone else around her, which is great for her and everything, but she also knows this, which can make her a bit unbearable to talk to. Most of the time, he can bring up Quidditch and handle a conversation with her because that is something she still, even after being at Hogwarts for almost seven months, does not understand.
The rest of his day had been fine, nothing special really. The real highlight of his day still remained to be that fun panic attack in Potions.
After dinner, the boys all went straight up to their dormitory. James had a feeling Remus would want to speak with him about what happened in Potions. So, when Sirius and Peter are busy talking about some curse they had heard about (something about how the position of the DADA teacher was cursed because no teacher had lasted for more than a year in decades) and Frank heads back down to the common room to find Alice, James goes into the bathroom.
Remus follows him because of course he does.
James sighs, pretending he hates this, but he really doesn't.
"'Sup, Lupes."
"Oh, please don't." Remus groans as he sits beside James on the side of the bath. Sirius had come up with the nickname recently and Remus hated it, which only made the other boys enjoy it more. "Are you alright? You know... after what happened earlier."
"I'm fine," James shrugs. Remus gives him a look like I don't believe you, try again. He sighs and tells Remus about how he hadn't liked being called a bully, rants a bit about how he never does anything to Snape so what Lily said was unfair, and a bunch of other things. Basically, he whines until he is sure Remus' ear is going to fall off and land with a plod in the bathtub.
"You're sure you're okay?" Remus asks one more time.
James almost rolls his eyes (fondly) and instead shakes his head. "I'm honestly fine, Remus. I promise."
"We should probably leave soon," Remus mutters, staring at the closed door as if only just realising that they have been locked in here together for at least forty minutes.
"Yeah, Sirius will probably get jealous, thinking were prank-planning without him."
Remus chuckles as he stands, making him even taller than he had been a moment ago. "That's not a bad idea. One day, we should prank him. You and me."
"Sounds like a plan, Lupes."
James laughs as Remus groans once again at the nickname, and they leave the bathroom.
Wednesday - 23rd February, 1972
Spring is really beginning to make itself known. The formerly bare trees are sprouting green leaves and multi-coloured buds. It's been increasingly warmer recently, but James has tried his best not to notice in case the weather decides to change it's mind again and claim it prefers the bitter cold. His favourite time of the year is spring.
Sunrays illuminate the grass tendrils as James and his friends make their way down to the Quidditch pitch. The bright colours lift his mood, not that he had been feeling down before. There is still a slight chill as the wind brushes against James' face, but it isn't uncomfortable.
Mary comes bounding over and loops her arm through one of James'. He hasn't spoken to her much, not since the beginning of the year. He now feels bad about that. Mary had been his first friend from day one. She was the one who had helped him part from his mother. He'd needed that.
"Can you feel it, James?" Mary asks as they continue along the path to the Quidditch pitch, their arms still linked.
"Feel what?"
Mary closes her eyes and James promptly notices how long her eyelashes are. He thinks about how they look like they are reaching out, trying to touch the sun. Then, he determines that he sounds stupid so he forgets that thought and tunes back into whatever Mary is saying. She takes in a deep breath and smiles softly.
"Spring."
"I know, I can't wait for the cold to go," James says. It's not that he doesn't love winter, he does. There's just something about the grey skies and bone-rattling coldness that makes him want to skip a few chapters until summer is here.
When they arrive, Madam Hooch tells the class that they'll be practicing throwing and catching Quaffles in pairs today. James tries to hide his excitement. It will be a very easy lesson. He is hoping to try out for the Gryffindor team next year. He wants to be a Chaser, which means he has to be good with a Quaffle. Of course, he already knows he is. He isn't being arrogant, okay? He's just been playing this game for as long as he can remember, which naturally gives him an advantage.
Hooch informs them that she will be pairing them up rather than allowing them to pick their own partners. There's a chorus of groans between the Gryffindors and Slytherins. James almost laughs to himself. There is a very obvious rivalry between the two houses and yet whenever they are in a class together, the teachers choose the pairs... It's just not very clever. It's like the professors want arguments to happen.
James is a bit disappointed. He had wanted to work with Sirius today, since they both are hoping to try out for the team next year together, but never mind. Mary would have been fun to practice with too. She is a very strong Quidditch player. This had surprised James at first. Only because she is a Muggleborn, so she never would have had the chance to play the game before this year.
Sirius is paired off with a Slytherin girl called Josephine, whilst Remus and Peter are put together. James thinks this makes sense since neither of them are particularly talented when it comes to Quidditch. Remus hates it, so he just doesn't try, and Peter loves watching it but is too afraid off being knocked off his broom by a Bludger - or a very strong wind.
A spike of anxiety bursts through his stomach when he finds out he's been paired with Regulus Black.
Honestly, James isn't too sure what his immediate thought is when he thinks of Regulus. There are too many voices saying too many different things in his head at once. He knows he feels uncomfortable around him most of the time because of the (very short) history they have, but also... James feels unfairly targeted by him. He never retaliates or starts anything, it's always Sirius and Peter who feel the need to do those things. But, for some reason, Regulus' comebacks and remarks always, whether intentionally or not, pick at James the most.
There was that time they had been partnered in Potions and James had almost made him smile. That was good, he supposes.
No one is wearing their robes today because of the heat, except for a few odd kids like Snape and the Carrow twins. James himself has his sleeves rolled up to his forearms because for some reason his wrists always get really hot. There aren't many others students who have done this, since most are from Pureblood families who would not approve of "showing off too much skin". Which is why James is surprised when Regulus Black wanders over to him, broom in hand, with his sleeves rolled up in the same way James' are.
He's heard things about the Blacks. He's heard things from the Blacks. Thanks to Regulus' mother's howler. They are one of the most prestigious Pureblood families in the Wizarding World. They would absolutely not allow their only heir to walk around with his forearms out.
James isn't quite sure why his mind is focusing on this. So what? Regulus Black rolled up his sleeves. Big deal.
Except James notices. And... well, that's it. He isn't sure why.
Regulus stops at James' side, not sparing him a single glance or giving him any indication that he is aware James exists. James had forgotten how small he was. Over the last few months, Regulus had overtaken Pete in height, but he still only just came up to James' shoulder. The thought of Regulus and Remus standing beside each other in Potions pops into his head, making him laugh to himself. Regulus only comes up to the middle of Remus' upper-arm.
"Do you always laugh at thin air?" Regulus asks.
James, startled, turns to look at the other boy. His eyes are sharp and hard, nothing like the blue lagoons he had met on the train back in September.
"Uh... I- umm..."
Regulus raises an eyebrow at him and James thinks his eyes must be playing tricks on him. Either that or there really is a spark of amusement in Regulus' eyes. "Are you always this articulate?"
James almost misses the fact that Regulus Black (boy who he met on train who now hates him and his best friends) is making a joke. Okay, it's at his expense, but it's still happening.
"Oh, always. I'm like a dictionary and a thesaurus built in one." James grins but only receives a blank stare back. His eyes move to the floor and then to his broom and then back to Regulus. He rolls on the balls of his feet, not knowing what to do. "Imbroglio."
"What?" Regulus' face twists with confusion.
"Imbroglio. It means er- a very painful or embarrassing situation." Like this one. "I'm a dictionary."
"Why are you more annoying than normal recently?"
"I think the word you're looking for is-"
"You're not a thesaurus, James." Regulus rolls his eyes. A look of disappointment paints over his steely façade. "There are two of you."
"Huh?"
Regulus doesn't answer. He mounts his broom and takes off easily. James realises then that Hooch has just finished pairing everyone off. He sighs, bracing himself, and soars away from the ground.
He looks around for Regulus, but doesn't find him anywhere-
SMACK!
James almost loses his grip on his broom as a Quaffle comes sailing from above him and hits him right between the shoulder blades. Once he's secured himself again, he glances up, trying to blink away the sun. He finds Regulus sitting casually on his broom, legs swinging back and forth, looking innocent.
That little sod.
He has to fly back down to the ground to retrieve the Quaffle. When he gets back in the sky, he finds Regulus straight away. At least this time he doesn't have a Quaffle in his hand ready to go.
James squints his eyes at him as if to say Okay, so if I pass this to you, you better not hit me again. Regulus finally nods, looking exasperated, and holds his hands out.
James chucks the ball over with the speed of a... something really fast. Regulus manages to catch it, but he has to steady himself on his broom after. They go about throwing the Quaffle between them for another five minutes before Regulus pauses.
"What is it?" James asks.
"Isn't this getting a bit boring to you? We might as well be playing catch."
James hadn't really been thinking about that. He's more worried about the chance of Regulus chucking the ball at his face.
"I guess." James shrugs. "What do you want to do then?"
Regulus thinks for a moment. He fiddles with the bottom of his tie. It's a tick James has only ever seen Sirius do before. Not for the first time, James finds himself thinking how much the two boys look alike.
"I could throw the ball in the opposite direction to where you are and see if you can catch it. See if you're actually as good as you always say you are."
James doesn't miss the bitterness in Regulus' voice. What did he ever do to this boy?
"You just want to watch me scramble around for the ball, don't you?"
"Maybe."
He finds that he isn't annoyed by this and actually snorts at Regulus' simple answer. He grins at the boy across from him and shouts over, "Go on then! Give it your best shot, Black!"
Regulus' face is one of shock, like he hadn't expected James to agree to his little game. He quickly recovers and levels James with a hard glare, but it doesn't come off as mean as his others have. In fact, James notices a little smirk in the corner of Regulus' mouth.
Regulus releases the Quaffle and James lunges for it, already certain he will be able to catch it.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
pert = pretty (Welsh)Once again, I have a lot to say..
-I am so proud of James for learning how to move around his past. It isn't forgotten! But he is healing.
-Florence Spring, another of my beautiful OC's!!
-Remus getting mad at Lily - even I was flabbergasted reading this back
-Lily "he needs to get a grip" Evans <3
-lil dorcas and marlene meeting in the background there 👀
-FRANK AND ALICE!! (they are going to be together from the beginning until the end and no one can tell me otherwise)
-Regulus backhanding his pencil, he was so real for that tbh
-just Remus Lupin existing <33
-I missed Mary, she's been hiding from us there
-James malfunctioning at the idea of Regulus Black rolling up his sleeves.. uh.. you okay there James??
-speaking of James, he was nervous. James "I'm a dictionary" Potter
-Regulus "you're not a thesaurus" Black
-I had to add the Jegulus interaction, it was very necessary to the plot (the plot: me giggling over these eleven year-old boys who "hate" each other and have no idea what is coming *evil cackle*)I hope you had funnnnnn! Next chapter will be out next weekend <3
p.s: I think my brother just fell down the stairs.. i heard a thump..
Chapter 11: First Year: Truth
Summary:
Remus gets pranked by his friends.
Dorcas has a late birthday party.
James and Sirius come to a mutual realisation about Remus.
The Prewett twins prank the castle.
Sirius meets Effie and Monty.A lot happens in this one!! Have fun!! (sorry, it's late, had a rough weekend. I tried to make it a longer chapter for you to make up for the late post <3)
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention of someone wetting themselves in the past after suffering the cruciatus curse
-mention of past child abuse
-knife mentioned (not used against anyone, but playful threat)
-someone vomits
-reference to werewolf transformations
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Will you still love me when I'm no
longer young and beautiful?
~ Lana Del Rey
Friday - 10th March, 1972
Regulus
Breakfast is a tumultuous affair.
Ever since Barty found out his childhood best friend, Alice Fortescue, is dating Frank Longbottom, he hasn't shut up about it. Regulus assumed Barty would be supportive of whatever Alice did, he always says he will be. He had especially thought Barty would not have a problem with this, since Frank isn't too bad. Alice could have done worse.
Unfortunately for Alice (and Regulus' poor ears), Barty doesn't like it. Regulus doesn't understand why it has to be such a big thing. They're eleven and twelve years old. It's not like they're getting married or anything. Barty is just being dramatic.
And Regulus is a victim to it all.
"He isn't good enough for her! I mean, you just have to look at the guy to know he wouldn't stick up for her. Longbottom's like a baby giraffe on an ice rink!" Barty complains as they sit at their usual spot at the Slytherin table. He is trying his best to not listen. Evan can deal with Barty today, it's been Regulus' job all week.
"Mate, you didn't mind him last Friday," Evan manages to cut that in there in between Barty's ranting.
"Yeah, because I didn't know he was cosying up to my best friend!"
"Hey, I thought I was your best friend!" Evan says sounding scandalised at the same time Dorcas pretends to be offended.
"But I thought I was your best friend."
"And here I was thinking it was I who was Barty's best friend," Pandora chimes in.
"I- you- Oh, all of you can go away. Regulus is my only friend now." Barty punctuates his point by jumping over the table and landing in the empty space beside Regulus, leaving Evan and Dorcas alone on the opposite bench.
"Wonderful," Regulus murmurs. Everyone but Barty laughs at his flat expression.
Barty looks like he is about to react but something catches his eye. It seems that at the same time Regulus follows Barty's gaze, so does the rest of the school because at that moment the entire hall of students bursts into laughter, Regulus' eyes land on Remus Lupin.
Remus is being dragged into the Great Hall by his four other roommates. He struggles against them, arms ripping at their sleeves, but they don't budge. On top of his head is a big... cake? A cake hat, Regulus thinks. At the centre of the hat, it says 'IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!' in sparkly, rainbow letters. Atop of the cake are twelve candles, which are glowing with fake flames.
He can't help but laugh with the rest of his peers. It's ridiculous. Usually he'll roll his eyes or ignore the Gryffindor boys' antics, but this time he can't seem to. Perhaps it's because they've targeted one of their own for once and not someone else.
Regulus wonders why Remus can't just take off the hat if he really hates it so much. Maybe he can't? Maybe it's been spelled on?
Everyone continues to watch as Remus is placed smack-bang in the middle of the Gryffindor table, squished between Potter and Tonks, unable to escape. Apparently, Remus has given up fighting and is attempting to ignore the attention he is getting.
That is until Tonks reaches up to the hat (Regulus watches as hope blooms in Remus' expression, like maybe he is hoping Sirius is going to remove the hat), only to press a coloured circle on it's side. The silence that had taken over the hall is smothered by the high-pitched notes of the song 'Happy Birthday'.
Laughter engulfs the room once again and this time Remus is one of them.
Regulus has Potions today, which means he'll be sitting beside Remus at some point. He doesn't remove the hat during the day, so Regulus imagines the other boys must have done something to stick it to his head. He assumes he'll be sitting next to the birthday cake hat in Potions.
He assumes correctly.
Evan, Barty and he arrive just as Slughorn is closing the door. They were almost late thanks to Barty "I have to finish my cheese toastie" Crouch. Dorcas had gone on without them, but Barty insisted the boys stay with him. It had taken him almost twenty minutes just to eat.
The first thing Regulus' eyes catch on, once he's swiftly apologised to Slughorn, is the gigantic cake on Remus' head. Barty starts laughing but stops when Regulus backhands his stomach.
Evan and Barty go over to their partners, while Regulus makes his way to his seat beside the birthday boy. He sits in silence as Slughorn informs them that they will be remaking all of the Potions they have learnt so far this year until the summer term when they will have exams. He sneaks a peek and has to put in the effort to keep his expression neutral. He stares forward and attempts to focus on the blackboard.
"Shut up," Remus mutters.
"I didn't say anything," Regulus replies just as quietly. He would hate to attract any more attention than he is already getting from sitting beside a cake.
"I can hear you thinking."
Regulus can't help it when the corner of his lips curls up. He looks back to Remus, who meets his eyes. Remus' hair looks longer, probably because it's flattened to his forehead. The boy has always been ridiculously tall. Regulus is almost certain Remus stole some of his height and took it for himself. His height only makes the hat look even more absurd on him.
"I wasn't going to say anything about... that." He almost laughs, but catches himself at the last moment. He will not be caught laughing about a prank caused by Sirius Tonks in the middle of class anytime soon (whether it was on his own friends or not). "I was going to say happy birthday."
Remus stares at him uncertainly. "Thank you?"
"You're welcome?"
Both boys look away at the same time. They don't talk again after that.
Regulus has gotten used to the routine he and Remus have created in Potions. Ever since that first lesson they had when they were partners and Potter and Lily Evans had won, Remus has stepped up his game and he and Regulus have been winning almost every lesson. He isn't sure what got Remus into such a competitive mood, or why he wants to be the best, but he can't help the gratefulness he (very reluctantly) feels towards the Gryffindor.
There is one thing he can thank the boy for: he hasn't had anymore Walburga howlers.
After dinner, the boys head up to their dormitory with the girls just as they do every Friday night. Alecto hangs out with Amycus every Friday night in their room, so Evan brings Pandora along because Alecto will leave him alone when she is there.
When they get up there, they are surprised to find Amycus alone. Regulus hears Evan sigh with relief.
"I'm going to Mulciber and the boys' room tonight," he says as he packs a bag. "Don't touch any of my stuff! Especially you, Crouch." Amycus points an accusatory finger in Barty's direction who just shrugs and jumps onto Evan's bed, making himself comfortable.
He leaves to what Regulus is certain is the relief of everyone in the room.
"So," Barty claps his hands together and sits up, pushing himself backwards until he is sat against the headboard. "Sleepover?"
Regulus and Evan look at the girls, questioning them. Dorcas wanders over to Amycus' bed and makes herself at home on top of it. Regulus grimaces - he probably should have warned her to change the sheets first. Amycus has zero sense of hygiene.
"I thought you'd never ask," Dorcas says, stretching.
"I can share with Evan," Pandora says, which Regulus takes as a yes.
"This is going to be fun," Barty grins in a way that frightens Regulus a little bit. He has a feeling this might not be so fun...
Evan calls for a house-elf (which Regulus hadn't realised was a thing they were allowed to do at Hogwarts) to come and change the sheets on Amycus' bed, ready for Dorcas. Regulus is worried for a moment that the elf may go and inform Dumbledore or Slughorn perhaps that there are girls in their dormitory, and one of those girls is a Ravenclaw. But, luckily for them, Pandora knows this elf. How? Regulus isn't sure. The important thing is, they are free to enjoy a night of "fun".
Dorcas goes back to her own dormitory to get some pyjamas for herself and Pandora, as well as to let her dorm mates know she will be spending the night elsewhere. Regulus wonders where she tells them she is off to.
Pandora sends a message via paper aeroplane to Isadora - one of her dorm mates - to brief her on her whereabouts.
When Dorcas returns she is decked out in the most ridiculous pyjamas Regulus has ever seen. Barty lets out a squawky laugh that sounds suspiciously bird-like, while Evan and Regulus try their best not to roll off their beds and onto the floor from giggling too much. Pandora is the only ones who keeps a straight face.
She runs over excitedly to where Dorcas is standing beside the spare bed. Before Dorcas can hand her a pair of pyjamas for herself, Pandora gasps. She's squinting at the pattern on Dorcas' pyjamas with wild joy.
"Are those Kneazles?!"
"Yes!" Dorcas grins as she admires her own outfit. It's bright yellow with a pattern of different types of Kneazles all over them. Each Kneazle is walking about around her limbs with a care-free grace. Some are licking their paws while others are getting into cat-fights or trying to scratch their way out of the material. Regulus hopes that isn't possible. He would hate to wake up in the middle of the night to find Dorcas' pyjama Kneazles clawing at his face.
"And yours have Bowtruckles on!"
Pandora excitedly takes her own set of pyjamas, which are indigo blue with little, leafy creatures on them. They don't seem to be as activated as Dorcas' Kneazles are, but they do wander around aimlessly as if trying to find somewhere else to go other than the small amount of material they already have.
Pandora sprints to the bathroom giddily, locking the door behind her so she can change into her new outfit.
"Are they really alive?" Barty asks. He stands beside Dorcas and tries to tickle one of the Kneazles that is tucked up in a ball and purring on Dorcas' shoulder. She swats at his hand as she rolls her eyes.
"Obviously not, Junior. They're charmed. I got them for my birthday."
"When was your birthday?" Barty deflates like a balloon set free in the wind.
"November," she responds with a shrug. "It's fine. I wasn't expecting anyone to notice. I mean, no one had proper set friends yet anyway, so I wouldn't have thought-"
"We missed your birthday!" Barty cries. Regulus would usually ignore his friend's dramatic side, but Barty seems genuinely devastated by this. "I can't believe it..."
"Just make it up to me on my next birthday," Dorcas says with an easy smile.
"No, you know what?" Barty takes a hold of Dorcas' shoulders and moves her so that she has her back to her bed. He walks her to the centre of the room and then orders her to sit down. Pandora comes out of the bathroom, freshly dressed in dark indigo, at the perfect time. "Everyone make a circle- no! Evan, I'm sitting there!"
Evan moves over to sit in between Regulus and Pandora. Barty takes his seat beside Dorcas, with Pandora on his other side.
"Tonight is Dorcas' birthday everyone!" Barty announces to the room loudly, as if they aren't all within a metres distance of each other. "As of now, you get two birthdays every year to make up for the horrendousness that is us, your best friends in the whole wide world, not celebrating your birthday with you. From now on, your birthdays are November-" He stops, realising he doesn't actually know the specific date.
"Sixteenth," she whispers.
"November sixteenth!" Barty continues as if nothing happened. "And the tenth of March!"
"Do I get a cake hat too?" Dorcas asks with a snort. Regulus laughs along with her, remembering the way Remus' cake hat wobbled on his head every time he stuck his head over the cauldron in Potions today, as if it were about to dive in and claim itself one of the ingredients.
"I don't have a cake hat for you, Cas," Evan says as he gets up and makes his way over to his little cupboard beside his bed. He's taken to calling Dorcas 'Cas', while Barty always refers to her as 'Meadowes'.
Evan pulls out something from the back of his cupboard with an "A-ha!" He flourishes his hand through the air and Regulus sees a flash of silver. "Here, m'lady. A crown for a queen." He places a paper crown on Dorcas' head. Barty had gotten matching ones for Evan and Pandora back in February for their birthday. Unlike the Gryffindors though, he hadn't forced them to wear them to lessons. Pandora had, finding them adorable, but Evan refused. Fair enough.
"Oh, why thank you, kind gentleman."
Evan does some silly bow before sitting back on the floor. Regulus smiles. He's never known a group of more endearingly ridiculous people. Of course, he's never really known anyone. He is just happy that these people are his friends, he couldn't ask for anyone better really.
"What's the plan, Junior?" Dorcas asks and they all turn to Barty.
"Well, I have a few games in mind."
Regulus does not like the sound of that.
"This isn't going to be like your kiss, marry, kill game again, is it?" He groans.
"That was one of my ideas, actually." At the sound of Regulus grumbling, Barty continues. "What else to you expect us to do? We're twelve, not sixteen."
"I'm actually eleven," Regulus says.
"Aww, he's a baby," Dorcas coos over him and then she pulls him into a hug. His cheek gets squished up against her shoulder and he accidentally disturbs the purring Kneazle, which tries to scratch his face.
"Get off," he shoves her away gently. "Animals. All of you."
Pandora pouts and Regulus adds that he didn't mean her.
"My other games," Barty carries on, "are never have I ever, truth or dare, prank paper aeroplane notes."
"Now that sounds fun." Evan grins.
"Let's save that for last because it will be the best and we don't want to be bored for the rest of the night," Dorcas says and everyone nods in agreement. "Right, since I'm apparently the birthday girl, I think we should play never have I ever first!"
"As you wish," Barty responds, smirking. "Let's ignore the usual rule that you have to say something you have also done, because if we have to throw ourselves in it, no one is going to ask any questions that are actually worth while. And because we don't have any water, we can just throw up our hands or something if we have ever."
"Okay, I'll go first," Dorcas volunteers. "Never have I ever... snuck out at night." She side-eyes Regulus, who just glares at her. That was his secret. Well... never mind.
Regulus, Dorcas and Pandora all put their hands up.
"What? When? How? With who? Where did you go? Why wasn't I invited?" Barty bombards them all with questions, while Evan leans back as if he already knew this.
"That isn't a part of the game, Junior," Dorcas replies and then sends a wink Regulus' way. It is only then that he realises what she's done. Oh, she really is a Slytherin. Admitting half a secret to Barty, without giving him the interesting details. That's just going to kill him.
Regulus thinks it's wonderful.
They take turns asking their questions, going around the circle. Finally, it is Regulus' turn to ask a 'never have I ever' question.
He racks his brain for a moment, thinking of something not too crazy but silly enough to satisfy everyone in the room. Eventually he settles on something simple. Never have I ever rode on a broom whilst upside down. Only he, Evan and Pandora raise their hands. And the game carries on.
"Let's play truth or dare!" Barty shouts after a rather embarrassing round of Never have I ever, which had Barty and, unfortunately, Regulus admitting they had peed themselves in the last year. Barty claims it was caused by laughing too hard. Regulus doesn't tell his friends that he had wet the bed one night after his mother used the Cruciatus on him for the first time. That would really dampen the mood, wouldn't it?
"You have to ask the person on your left the question."
"Okay, I'll start," Evan speaks up, surprising Regulus. When he had first met Evan, the boy was shy and much quieter than his twin sister. But Regulus had soon come to learn that Evan was born with a heart of gold and grew fierce when it came to defending his friends. Regulus has enjoyed watching his friend grow slowly out of his shell, even if he is still embarrassed to speak up in class.
"Truth or dare, Pan?"
Pandora closes her eyes and stretches her arms out in front of her as if trying to push away an invisible barrier that only she can see. Her brows crinkle as she (literally) weighs her options. Her hands push back and forth until, finally, her left one falls back and she lift her right one.
"Dare."
"I dare you to..." Evan glances around the room, scouting out his surroundings like he is looking for something specific. His eyes eventually settle on Amycus' bed. "Carve the words I see you on the the canopy of Carrow's bed."
"Hey! I have to sleep there tonight!" Dorcas complains, but there's a spark in her eyes that tells everyone she is totally on board with this dare. No one likes the Carrows, not even outgoing, has-a-friendship-group-for-each-season, Dorcas Meadowes.
"I'll do it!" Pandora leaps up from her place on the floor, temporarily disturbing the Bowtruckles on her clothes. "Does anyone have a knife?"
"Yep, I do," Barty responds without any hesitation whatsoever.
Evan and Regulus share a concerned look.
"Uh... Barty, mate," Evan starts. They watch as their friend pulls a pocket knife out from under his pillow. "What are you doing sleeping with a knife?"
Barty just shrugs. "For emergencies. Like when I am trying to get my beauty sleep and Carrow is snoring too loud and I need to shut him up."
Dorcas and Pandora giggle at the horror-struck faces of Evan and Regulus.
"I'm kidding!" The third boy cackles manically, which doesn't really help to defend his case. "I just got used to sleeping with it there, I guess."
No one questions him. Regulus' mind is suddenly flooded with a dozen different ideas for why Barty would need to "get used" to sleeping with a knife beneath his pillow. Perhaps, he lives in a dangerous area. Maybe someone close to him gifted it to him as a present. Or maybe... just maybe he is afraid and the knife is a form of protection.
He shakes his head, waving this thought away. Not everyone lives with a Walburga Black. Not everyone has had to live their life constantly on high alert, just waiting for the next slip-up and then for the punishment that is sure to follow.
Pandora finishes her dare and passes the knife back to Barty, who begins fiddling about with some of the other parts of the object. He tucks the blade safely away, much to Regulus' relief.
"Reggie, truth or dare?" Pandora asks.
"Truth," he answers simply.
"Out of everyone in the school, if you had to befriend someone else who wasn't any of us, who would you choose?"
Regulus is shocked by the first name that enters his mind. There are too many problems and complications that would come from that friendship. If he's being honest, he likes his friends. A lot. He doesn't want any more. He has enough. There's Evan, who is as crazed as he is about Quidditch. Pandora, who Regulus is sure he would be able to confide any secret in with the absolute certainty that she would never tell another soul. Barty, loud and crazy and honestly one of the brightest people Regulus has ever met (but don't tell Barty he said that). Then, there's Dorcas, who is without a doubt the funniest person in the world. What else could he need?
Unfortunately, this is a truth, so he has to give an answer. He could lie, but this is their first time playing this game all together. It's actually the first time Regulus has ever played it. He feels like it would be a bad omen to lie on his first ever truth during his first ever Truth or dare game. So, in a voice no higher than a whisper, he mumbles, "Remus Lupin."
There's a mixture of different reactions to that. Everyone's voices overlap. This is sort of how it goes:
Dorcas: I love Lupes!
Evan: Lupes?
Barty: The drama !
Pandora: He does seem like a lovely boy.
"That's like Tonks' best friend," Barty says.
"I know."
"He's your Potions partner."
"I know."
"He-"
"I know, Barty. Now," Regulus points a finger around the circle, "that will never leave this room. If it does, Barty's pocket knife will be hosting a little get together and you'll all be the star guests."
"Of course, we would never tell." Barty leans around Dorcas to clap Regulus on the back of the shoulder. "Imagine the chaos the world would be forced to ensue if Sirius Tonks knew that his sworn enemy Regulus Black had a bro-crush on his best friend."
"I do not have a bro-crush. What?"
"You so do," Dorcas nods along with Barty. He hates it when she encourages him. "You want Remus to be your friend!"
"From now on, I'm ignoring him. I will never speak to him again. Ever. If he asks, it's all your fault." Regulus slumps back and then mumbles, "Dorcas, truth or dare?" His voice is so low and moody that everyone in the room laughs.
Regulus isn't sure how it happened.
Okay, that's a lie. He knows exactly how it happened.
Once they were finished playing Truth or dare, they decided to entertain Barty's prank paper aeroplane idea. The logistics were: you write a fake note to someone that says something ridiculous or scary or whatever you like (as long as it's saucy, Barty's words), then you send it to anyone in the castle via paper aeroplane and that's it.
"We should send one to Longbottom!" Barty grins mischievously. Everyone immediately shuts this idea down. Knowing Barty, he would say something that would ruin Frank and Alice's relationship. Regulus doesn't really care, but he isn't going to let Barty potentially destroy his childhood friendship.
"We should send one to Tonks that says I'm coming to steal your best friend," Dorcas suggests, making everyone but Regulus laugh. "Oh, don't worry, Regulus. We won't sign it with your name or anything."
"I don't care. Do what you'd like." Regulus attempts nonchalance.
"Okay." Dorcas and Barty go over to his bed and start excitedly scribbling down on a piece of parchment. Regulus will admit, he is a bit frightened by the sounds of their evil giggling.
Pandora leans over to catch his eyes. She grins and waggles her eyebrows. Regulus huffs a quiet laugh.
"Want to do one with me? I was going to send it to the DADA teacher. I know things about him that might make for a funny reaction."
Regulus agrees to help her.
He gasps at what she writes and covers it with his hands. There is no way he will be repeating what Pandora wrote. Absolutely not. Unfortunately, Regulus will now no longer be able to look their Astronomy teacher in the eye ever again.
"Pandora!" He feels himself blushing.
"What?" She stares at him innocently.
Regulus shakes his head. "Oh, you're more evil than any of the rest of us, aren't you?"
Pandora shrugs and smirks at him. "You have no idea, Reggie."
Well. That's terrifying.
"Don't worry, you're my favourite," she whispers like it's a secret. "I'll only use my super evil powers for you, not against you."
Regulus smiles and speaks with a jokey tone. "I would expect nothing less." He leans in closer and says, "You're my favourite too."
Pandora grins and presses her forehead briefly to his before pulling away and folding her letter up into the correct shape of a paper aeroplane. They send it off out the window, giggling roguishly as they watch it soar into the night.
Tonight is the first night in a long time that Regulus does not go to the room.
***
Wednesday - 29th March, 1972
Sirius
His brain feels like it's getting a massage.
He's sitting on the floor beside his bed whilst James sits above him on the mattress plaiting his hair. Sirius can't think of why he's never done this before. Why hasn't his mum ever thought to do this?
James assured him beforehand that he was very good at French braids, which is exactly what Sirius wanted to try out.
Peter's lying on his bed across from them, feet up in the air behind him as he flicks through their DADA book. Over the last week and a half, they've had to rely on whatever is written in their texts during Defence lessons because their teacher mysteriously vanished in the middle of the night. None of the staff have provided them with any explanation. All they know is that he was there one Friday and by the time Monday rolled around, he was gone.
Remus is missing, which Sirius had expected. Tonight is a full moon, and just as he has been for all the others, Remus is noticeably absent from their dorm.
At least Frank is here today, Sirius thinks to himself. It is so often that the other boys find their fifth roommate truanting from the room that they may as well pretend there are only four of them living there.
"So," Sirius sighs as James gently plays with his hair, never once pulling it too harshly, "Frank. How are things going with you and Alice?"
Frank, who is seated in the centre of the room playing a game of solitaire, looks up and grins bashfully at the other boys in the room. Peter glances away from his DADA book.
"Good- I think- I hope. She's really lovely," he responds. Sirius almost laughs at the the way his friend suddenly resembles a shrimp, bright pink spreads up his neck.
"Well, that's lovely. Isn't that lovely?" Peter asks, clearly trying not to let his bitter jealousy show but also failing poorly at that ordeal. Sirius knows how tough it must be for Peter watching two of their friends go from being best friends to secretly holding hands under the table during meal times. After all, Peter has been talking about Benji Fenwick in that way for as long as Sirius has known him. Benji, unfortunately for poor Pete, has not given him any sign that his preferences may lie away from girls.
"It is lovely," James says from somewhere above Sirius. "You guys are very sweet together."
Frank grins as he returns to his game.
"Hey, guys." Peter closes his book and rolls over on his bed, sitting up to allow his legs to dangle, not nearly reaching the floor with how short he is. "Have any of you seen Remus?"
James, who is now taking the hair band out of Sirius' waiting hand, freezes. It isn't the first time something like this has happened. When they went to Honeydukes that first night they found the secret passageway James had responded similarly to Sirius when Pete mentioned Remus' unusually high aptitude for smelling the chocolate from miles away. Then again, it had happened briefly a couple of times last month when Pete or Frank had gotten a little too curious about where Remus was.
James takes the hair band and ties up Sirius' second, and final, braid. Once he's finished, Sirius stands and sends James a silent message, hoping he will understand what it means.
We need to talk.
It is immediately apparent that James understands as he too gets up and makes some excuse about needing to find Mary. Sirius hangs back for a couple of minutes, twiddling his thumbs as Peter gets ready for bed and Frank packs up his solitaire game. Then, without much warning, he stands and announces to the other boys that he's going to go and write a letter home down in the common room. He stealthily reaches for James' cloak, which ended up in Sirius' trunk after the boys' last midnight rendezvous, and slips it into the pocket of his robes. He also grabs a quill and some paper to make it look like he wasn't lying when he said he was going to write home.
He practically sprints down the stairs to the common room and finds that James is waiting for him beside the portrait. They both nod and James mutters something to the portrait of the Pink Lady, causing her to reveal the exit to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius glances around and discovers no one is looking his way, so he slips underneath the cloak and follows James out into the corridor.
"James," Sirius whispers. "Get under."
James steps into the space where Sirius holds up the cloak ready for him and together they make their way to the secret alcove they found a couple of months ago, located near the abandoned girls' bathroom on the second floor. Once they are securely hidden, Sirius rips the cloak off them both.
For a moment none of them say anything. Then-
"Am I going crazy or-"
"-Is Remus a werewolf?"
Sirius hadn't been certain. Not really. Not until James says it out loud.
"He is, isn't he?" Sirius ponders aloud.
"But that doesn't change anything- I mean- he's still our best friend," James says, tripping over almost every word. Sirius peers up and regards his friend for a moment. It's true, what James is saying. Remus is their friend and nothing has changed; it's been like this since that first September. Which means they have always known Remus Lupin as a werewolf, even if until this exact moment they had not known him to be a werewolf.
It strikes Sirius suddenly that this may be the cause of their friend's unfortunate epileptic episodes. Oh, that's just horrible. If this is true - and their friend truly is a werewolf - then Remus goes through so much more than Sirius' twelve-year-old mind can comprehend.
"It must be terrible," Sirius whispers. Tears prick in the back of his eyes. There is no way he can protect his friend from this. No way he can ease his suffering or help him through it. He's read all about werewolves and how witches and wizards with lycanthropy are known as dangerous in the Wizarding World.
That's just bonkers, Sirius thinks with a punch of anger. Remus isn't dangerous. He is one of the kindest people Sirius has ever met.
"I've read about the process," James mumbles in a voice so unlike himself. So empty and just- void. Almost like he's been on the receiving end of lycanthropy himself. "I think I'm going to be sick."
Sirius reaches out and squeezes James' shoulder. His reflection shows in James' spectacles and it is ridiculous how he only now realises his hair is still in French plaits. And it is even more ridiculous how he thinks he actually looks rather good and should wear his hair like this more often. Then, he is shaken back into reality by the sight of James bending over and- Yep, there it is.
"Scourgify," Sirius murmurs with a flick of his wand once James has straightened himself. He seems to be ashamed of the display he just showed, but Sirius brushes it aside as if it never happened.
"It's okay, James. It's going to be okay. Remus being here every day is living proof of that."
"Sirius, he's all alone..."
And well, Sirius can't argue with that, nor can he come up with anything to say that may bring solace to either of them. He starts to cry silently. He's never liked other people seeing him cry. He always wants to be the one the crying people come to for a big hug to make them feel better.
In this moment, though, when Sirius and James have concluded that their friend- their Remus is out there all alone in the dark, ripping himself apart, Sirius allows himself to cry. Even if he does still try to hide it.
Thursday - 30th March, 1972
The next morning, the boys find themselves on their way to the hospital wing once again. Peter questions it repeatedly until Sirius politely tells him to shut up.
"So Remus is a bit sickly," he shrugs and stares at the ground as he says it, "Doesn't mean we love him any less."
It is harder this time for Sirius to look at Remus in that sick bed. He's always been far taller than the rest of them, but in here, dressed in hospital robes and his cow-printed pyjamas, he looks tiny. So small and vulnerable and Sirius just wants to wrap him up safely and keep him in his pocket.
He brought Ayers with him again this time, to hopefully divert attention away from Sirius or James' possible change in mood. It works. The moment Remus' eye catches them, a sleepy smile spreads across his face and he reaches his hands out to take the gecko. Sirius watches as Remus kisses Ayers on the head and then lays him down atop of his sheets and strokes gently over his back.
"Boreu," Remus mutters groggily to them all.
"Is that my word for the day?" Sirius tries to sound normal, but even he notices the slight hollowness in his own voice. Would it be too strange to hug Remus over a supposed stomach bug?
"Sure," Remus yawns as he pushes himself up further to lean against the bed frame. "It means morning. Did you catch it?"
"Boreu," Sirius repeats easily.
Remus nods approvingly and Sirius smiles at him in return. He does his usual and squeezes his way onto the mattress beside Remus, who puts on a show of rolling his eyes and tutting, but Sirius knows he doesn't mind.
"How are you feeling, Remus?" James asks as he sits down on the bottom of the bed. Peter does the same on the other side, so that they are all huddled together.
"Honestly?" Remus questions, raising an eyebrow. "Like something a troll ate and then shat out."
This pulls a laugh out of Peter, who obviously doesn't know what is really going on. James and Sirius share a look that from Sirius' end says Yes, I am about to cry again, and from James' end says I think I'm about to hurl.
"What's up with you two?" Remus nudges James with his foot at the same time he gently elbows Sirius with the arm that is not attached to the hand he is using to stroke Ayers.
"Nothing," Sirius replies quickly. "Just a late night. Hey! Did you know James can plait hair?"
"That's... cool," Remus tries.
"Didn't you notice the extra curls in my hair, Remus?" Sirius waves his hair about, feeling a semblance of normalcy from his own dramatic act.
"Sirius, mate, your hair is always curly."
"I am fatally insulted by this heinous act." He drapes himself against the back of the bed, hand over his forehead, palm up. "How could you, Remus?"
Remus rolls his eyes and swats at the side of Sirius' thigh. "Get up, tosser."
Sirius does and, for the rest of the morning at least, everything seems to be back to normal. Except, it isn't. Nothing will ever be whatever they assumed was "normal" again.
Saturday - 1st April, 1972
April Fool's Day is one of the days they do not prank anyone. It's a bit of a waste to be honest, because there they are with the perfect opening. An excuse to wreak havoc on the entire school! But it is also the day the train is coming to take them home for the next two weeks right in time for Easter.
The day isn't completely squandered. The Prewett twins (Sirius is sure it was them) had clearly spent the night redecorating the castle. When Sirius goes down to breakfast, it is through a maze of Muggle cling film.
No, really, it's a maze. Someone (the Prewetts) created a maze that eventually leads you to the Great Hall. Unfortunately for those who do not master it, they walk straight-flat into a wall of thin plastic.
Sirius only does this once as he exits through the portrait before any of his friends. He doesn't fall back on his butt at the impact, luckily having James and Peter there to catch him. Frank is not so lucky. He walks bang into a wall of cling film and falls smack on his backside.
It's quite fun actually. Sirius hears Lily Evans' distant panicking at the idea of missing the train in case they can't find their way around the plastic. Marlene finds him and starts complaining about Lily's panicking. It's a whole mess. Sirius loves it.
They accumulate a group of first year Gryffindors and try to best the maze together. With Remus' sharp eye sight and Peter's affinity to accidentally walking the wrong way and alerting the others to go in the opposite direction, they manage to make their way to the Great Hall with little struggle.
It seems the Slytherins had other ways of getting through the maze. The sheets of cling film leading down towards the dungeons have been singed or ripped through, making a path directly to the Great Hall. Sirius wilts at the realisation that this means Black probably didn't walk straight into a sheet of plastic today. Oh well, one can dream.
The professors are all seated at the head table, not paying attention to the end of term antics. They probably had been expecting this, considering the date. Sirius wonders if they have some sort of rule about allowing the students to just get on with it and to not intervene. He thinks this must be the case, otherwise McGonagall definitely would have melted all the plastic away by now. Dumbledore, on the other hand, looks to be amused by the mischevious events.
"Nice one," Sirius says to the ginger twins at the Gryffindor table. He punctuates this with a hard high-five to them both.
"Not sure what you're complimenting us on."
"We didn't do anything."
"Not a thing."
"Not at all."
Sirius just shakes his head as he laughs at them, then continues on down the table to join his friends. They talk about their plans for the next two weeks. Remus is apparently going to be spending half of his time in a Church because his mother believes in the whole Jesus side of Easter and not just the side that involves gorging on chocolate.
Peter says Benji is coming to stay for the first week, which he is really excited about. Sirius winks at him and Peter blushes. James doesn't have any plans, other than catching up with his parents, which sounds exactly like what Sirius will be doing.
"You should come to visit!" Sirius shouts. How had he not thought of this before?
"Okay!" James exclaims. "And you should come to mine!"
"Okay!"
Long story short, Sirius and James both end up in McGonagall's office (after successfully battling the labyrinth once again) to make a last-minute floo call to both their homes. They agree to go to James' first, since Easter is during the first week of their holidays and James' mother usually plans fun activities for him to do. Then, they'll go to Sirius' together for the second week before returning to Hogwarts.
Remus grumbles before they go, something about wishing he could go with them, rather than spending the next two weeks prattling on about a god he doesn't even know if he believes in. Sirius promises him that next time, he can come too.
Both sets of parents excitedly agree, much to Sirius' surprise. He had been certain this was far too last minute. He and James jump up and down muttering to each other, while McGonagall fondly shoos them out of her office, ordering them to go and finish packing away their things.
Sirius cannot wait for this impromptu visitation of James' childhood home. He's never been around a friend's house before, unless you count Xeno.
Speaking of Xeno, before Sirius leaves for the train, he rushes over to the side of the castle that houses the Ravenclaw common room and dormitories. He answers the riddle the door asks him easily.
What goes up and never comes down?
"Age."
The door swings open, allowing him to step through. It reveals the most beautiful room Sirius has ever seen. In the centre of the circular room, there's a blazing fire surrounded by numerous marble statues of different educational figures - that have some sort of history with Hogwarts - and act as pillars to hold up a shining, blue dome. Cushions are places oddly around the fire and behind the statues, while the other couches and chairs in the room are spread in random places, rather than around the fire like they are in the Gryffindor common room.
At the far end of the room, there's a statue of Rowena Ravenclaw herself, standing with an eagle on her shoulder between two sets of stairs that Sirius imagines must lead up to the dorms. He gazes up to the ceiling only to find that there is not one. Just like in the Great Hall, the ceiling is made up of the constellations, seemingly permanently night time.
"Sirius," Xeno calls.
Sirius pulls his eyes away from the ceiling and finds that Xeno is standing on the bottom step of the left set of stairs - presumably the boys' dormitories. He holds out a hand, to which Sirius remembers he came here to give Ayers to him to look after while he goes home because Xeno has decided to stay at Hogwarts for the duration of the holidays.
"Hello, little heir," Xeno smiles as he takes Ayers in his own hands. He assured Sirius a couple of days earlier that he too had a gecko, gifted to him on his birthday, and so Ayers could spend the next two weeks making friends with Fauntleroy.
"I hear you're spending a week at James' house. That sounds like fun!"
Sirius grins. He can always count of Xeno to make him feel more excited about a situation.
"Yeah, I know! I can't wait." They talk for a little bit longer before Sirius has to leave, lest he miss the train and have to stay after all. "Oh, one more thing. Is there anything you would like me to take home for you or pick up?"
"The smell of the sea."
"The smell of the sea?"
Xeno nods, so Sirius straightens his posture and pushes his shoulders back and nods too. "Yeah, I can totally do that. I can." He can't. But he is sure he will figure out a way.
"Have a wonderful next two weeks, Sirius," Xeno smiles as he wanders back up the stairs to his room, Ayers gently in hand.
"You too!"
By the time the train has pulled into King's Cross, Sirius is positively freaking the hell out. He is very thrilled to be able to meet James' parents and to get to see his home, but he is also afraid. What if they don't like him? What if they hate him? What if he breaks something? James lives in a bloody manor, for crying out loud. Sirius has never been prone to acting posh - he uses the sea as a second home.
"Sirius, it's going to be fine," James says with a small chuckle. He grabs Sirius' hand and drags him off the seat where he had been sat frozen. "My parents will love you. They love everyone, but they will especially love you."
"Why me?"
"Uh- I- because-" James stutters and then finally lands on. "Because you're my friend and they will be happy about that."
They say goodbye to the rest of their friends once they're on the platform. Sirius forces Remus into a hug, finding the boy always to be a comforting presence. He's always warm and smells like chocolate and a burning log fire. Then, he tackles Pete in a hug. He embraces Frank, Azalia and Alice in one big group hug. Finally, he squeezes Marlene into a goodbye hug. They speak much more now, especially ever since that first time at the lake. Usually Sirius hates it when his friends find him there, but he has come to learn that he doesn't actually mind it when it's Marlene. They've bonded there, started their friendship there. It's no longer just his place, but is a place for them both to go whenever they wish to be elsewhere.
James takes his wrist and pulls him away from everyone, leading the way over to his parents.
"I should warn you, my dad has a Muggle car and he isn't terrible at driving, but he also isn't excellent..."
"I'm sure it will be fine," Sirius replies, thinking about the earlier years of his childhood when his mum was still new to driving a Muggle car. Now that's a nostalgic memory he will never forget.
So is the memory of meeting James' parents for the first time. In the future, Sirius would look back at this moment and realise how explicitly important it had been to him. For reasons he will not yet have to face.
"Mum, dad," James speaks in a small voice, almost like he is as afraid as Sirius is right now. "This is Sirius. My friend."
James' mum looks like she is about to cry as she introduces herself as "Effie" and asks him for a hug. He glances at James to check that he isn't going crazy and that this is actually happening. James just nods and so Sirius has his first Euphemia Potter hug. It's not so tight that it could suffocate you if she only moved the wrong way, but tight enough to make Sirius feel undeniably safe and protected in these motherly arms. He finds himself both missing his own mum and wishing he could stay here in Effie's arms forever.
When they part, Monty introduces himself and makes some joke about how all the dramatics make it feel like they're meeting James' future wife. James blushes at this and groans, "Dad." Sirius bursts out laughing at the mere idea of being James'... wife? Husband? Whatever. Just no.
After a very short car ride that ends with them having almost been a part of only two accidents, they pull into a pathway that sits behind a hedge, parting it from a massive building.
"That's your house?" Sirius gapes at the ornate red bricks and the marble pillars that hold up a second mini-roof above the door on the front landing, framing the entire front of the building. Around the large front garden there is a white picket-fence that almost has Sirius rolling his eyes at how unbelievably classic that is. He doesn't, out of respect for his hosts.
Monty and Effie insist on carrying in their bags, so James takes Sirius by the arm and starts his tour of the manor. He is shown a living room, which is bigger than Sirius' entire bottom floor back in Cornwall. The sofas are a deep blood-red and cluttered with beige and blue and yellow cushions. The walls are covered with pictures of James and his parents. In on of them there's a boy standing beside James, blowing bubbles at him as James scrunches his face, giggling. James looks so young, probably seven or eight.
Sirius goes to ask who the other boy is. Perhaps a neighbour or one of James' friends that live here. Maybe he could meet them. But James moves them along to the next room. Once they've finally made their way to the kitchen, James introduces Sirius to the Potters' house elf - Mollie.
"It is nice to be meeting you, Sir Tonks." The elf bows so far that her nose almost hits the tiled floor.
"Oh, Sirius is fine. Please." He reaches a hand out and shakes the elf's hand, who shakes back with the enthusiasm of a five-year-old.
"Master Jamie and Sirius is to be leaving now!" The elf calls in a shrill voice. "Naughty boys, interrupting Mollie's cooking of their dinner. Away now!"
James leads Sirius away from the kitchen, both boys struggling to breathe over their laughter.
"Is she always like that?" Sirius asks.
"Yeah. We don't like to treat her like she's merely here to serve our needs. She's a living creature and deserves to have her needs recognised too," James replies with a smile.
"That's why you were so good with the house elves back at Hogwarts."
James shrugs. "Must be. I just told them all about Mollie and they seemed entranced by the idea of her."
It takes them over an hour until they find themselves outside James' bedroom, having already been everywhere else.
"You'll be staying in the room next to mine," James says, pointing at the door a couple of feet to the left of where they are standing.
"I get my own room?"
"Yeah, of course!"
"Brilliant!" He gestures to the door in front of James and says, "Lead the way, soldier. I want to see your room first."
James salutes him and then pushes the door forward. Sirius has never seen a more Gryffindor-ish room. The walls are wine red, matching the sheets on James' bed. The curtains connected to the canopy of said bed are a rich golden velvet, designed with white, stitched-in constellations. Similar to the ones back in their Hogwarts dormitory. The floors are dark and wooden, but there's a rectangular carpet that covers most of the floor space, so you could hardly tell.
Pictures of James and his parents stand on a dresser on the left hand side of the room. On the right, there's a window-seat below a triangular window that overlooks the gardens of Potter Manor. James even has a bathroom connected to his room. Sirius accidentally stumbles upon it, thinking it's James' wardrobe.
"Woah!" Sirius gasps. "Your house is amazing."
"It's er- cool, yeah." James reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, suddenly shy. "It was passed down in the family. I'm just lucky, I suppose. And grateful."
"Man, I'm almost embarrassed to show you my house," Sirius says as he plops down onto James' bed. Ahh, yes it's very bouncy. Just like he thought it would be. Comfortable too.
"I can't wait to see your house!" James exclaims and then lays down right beside Sirius.
"It's much smaller than this," Sirius whispers. "But it is pretty cool. The shop mostly takes up the bottom floor, but then there's a couple of other stories above that, which is the house part. Plus, the tower-"
"You have a tower ?!"
"Yeah," Sirius laughs at his friend's shocked expression. "My room is at the top of it."
"Like Rapunzel?" James snorts.
"So you know Rapunzel but you don't know Wonka?"
"Rapunzel is a classic!" James argues with a small huff.
"So is Wonka! It's Roald Dahl! Honestly," he sighs with fake exasperation. "I'm going to have to lend you my copy when we get to mine."
"Okay," James responds with a smile.
"JAMES, SIRIUS, DINNER !"
"Come on," James sits up and Sirius follows him, "It's time to show you the dining room."
"You have a dining room ?!"
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
Boreu = Morning (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-Remus' cake hat <3
-Barty hating on Frank because he's with Alice 😭
-SLYTHERIN SKITTLES SLEEPOVER!! they're such lil cuties (ft. Dorcas' kneazle pj's)
-Barty and Dorcas' friendship is becoming so special to me in this fic, they're adorable
-PANDORA AND REGULUS FRIENDSHIP 🦅🦅
-Pandora being her wonderful/scary self
-not the Gryffindor boys sitting around, plaiting each others hair, and talking about girls. stereotypes who?
-Sirius and James know about Remus' furry little problem (poor James has a weak stomach) ((just to calrify, he was sick because he was disgusted that his friend was forced to go through this and alone, not because Remus is a werewolf))
-REMUS IN COW-PRINTED PJ'S LIKE THE LIL COWBOY HE IS <333 WHERE'S HORSEY CARPET AT??
-cling film maze!! (idk where that came from tbh..)
-the Ravenclaw common room is the prettiest one - argue with the wall
-not Effie crying because James finally made another friend ☹☹ (SIRIUS MET EFFIE AND MONTY!!)
-I missed Mollie :/(I skipped James' birthday because I didn't want two POVs in a row all about parties, but he is twelve now)
See you on the weekend (probably👀)
p.s: THANKS FOR 2000 HITS!! ILY GUYS xx
Chapter 12: First Year: Easter
Summary:
Remus reunites with some old friends.
James visits Cornwall.
As per usual, something bad happens in Potions.
Frank makes a stand (proud of him).
Regulus apologises... 👀
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of Greyback's attacks
-back pain/migraines
-brief mention of a car crash (related to a minor character)
-scars from child abuse
-exam anxiety (idk about you, but I was venting with that in this chapter)
-seizure
-argument/shouting (this can be a trigger for me, so I added it just in case)That's a lot... I actually love this chapter, don't let the warnings scare you away, but do look after yourselves xx
Nursery is the school you attend between the ages of 3-4 (UK). Also, I know nothing about Chruches and had to research everything, so please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong (same with the Welsh in this chapter, I used Google translate..)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Let the rain wash away
All the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits
And they've forgiven my mistakes
I'm coming home, I'm coming home
~ Skylar Grey
Sunday - 2nd April, 1972
Remus
"Remus, cariad, make sure to wear the clothes I set out for you on your bed!" He hears the distant call from his mother as he steps out of the steamy bathroom, having just showered and cleaned his teeth. He yells back a simple response, hiding the grimace that he knows has overtaken his face at the thought of having to wear an outfit his mum picked out for him. Something surely Church-ready.
He doesn't really go to Church anymore, not since he could help it anyway. Honestly, he doesn't see the point of praying to a god he isn't convinced truly exists. If there is a god out there then they should be lucky that Remus is treating them like they don't exist. They would be hearing a right mouthful from him, that's for sure.
The only reason Remus is going today is because it's Easter Sunday and he knows how important it is to his mother that he complies and goes along with her. He only does for Easter and Christmas (unless he is at Hogwarts, of course).
It's not that Remus has never thought of the possibility that there is a god. When he was very little he used to think of god as a great, giant man who lived in the sky. Whose face was blurred or covered by a cloud, hiding his true identity lest someone recognise him. Big hands that radiated light and sparked when he clapped them together. Then, Greyback attacked and Remus quickly decided there was no god watching over him.
The outfit his mum has picked out could be worse, he levels with himself, but it could also be a lot better. He carefully dresses himself, not wanting to crease the baby-blue button down, nor the brown corduroys. His mum will probably make him match it with his brown jacket, which seems too matchy-matchy to him, but his mum always says brown is his colour.
He sneaks a bar of chocolate into his pocket before heading down.
"Here, Remus," Hope says from her spot at the bottom of the stairs. She's holding out a pair of black Derby dress shoes, which he is sure he has seen his father wearing in the past. "They're your father's old pair. They will be a bit big for now, but you'll grow into them."
He takes the shoes from her and sits down on the bottom step. They are very much too big for him. So much so, he'll probably trip and fall when walking down the nave. Now, that would be embarrassing.
Once he has tied up the final lace, he sits back against the step, feeling the lasting traces of the moon from only a few nights before. His back is still as stiff as a board and his skull feels like it's only moments away from caving in on itself.
He opens his eyes from where he had closes them for a moment of respite. Hope and Lyall are standing in the doorway of the kitchen; his mother is dressed up in a flowery summer-dress, which Remus thinks makes her look very pretty. The pink and yellow flowers only make her blonde hair shine brighter. His father is dressed in a light yellow shirt that matches the flowers on Hope's dress, with dark suspenders keeping it tight over his torso and shoulders, and matching brown corduroys to Remus'.
The silence stretches comfortably as Remus lets himself watch his parents warmly embracing each other. His mother has few worry lines between her eyebrows that she never used to have when Remus was very small, but they're slowly smoothing out the longer she stays in her husband's arms.
She opens her eyes and makes eye contact with Remus. He has his mother's eyes, which is something he's always been happy about. She has such lovely, big brown eyes. Sometimes, Remus catches her from a certain angle, in a certain light, and she looks like a fairy. Beautiful, dainty, magical. She's so pretty, his mum is.
Hope smiles at him and reaches out an arm towards him, silently telling him to join them.
He does, tripping slightly over his shoes as he walks. The moment his mother's arm wraps around him, he forgets about the back ache and the skull-splitting migraine. He allows himself to be swept up in this calming moment between only the three of them.
They walk to the Church, since it's only down the street. Families pour into the ancient stone build, some Remus recognises from his years of living here and some he still couldn't name, not even if Peeves had him at water-balloon point.
Thankfully, he doesn't stutter over his steps on the way in, nor before he finds his seat. The pipe organ plays as people file in and fill in the seats; it's loud and happy, perfectly capturing the atmosphere the day is anxious to hold.
Remus feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to find Cara, one of his friends from primary school. He feels guilty; until now, he hadn't really thought about Cara at all since last summer. Or Marie. Or Felix.
Cara is tall for a girl. She overtakes Felix in height (another primary school friend), and would definitely rival James' height if he were here. She's got long, dark hair and sun-kissed skin. The others always used to be jealous of her for having such dark skin even in the winter because of her Latina blood.
He finds himself smiling widely at her. Now that he is thinking about her- and his other friends, he realises how much he misses them.
"Hey, Cara!" He grins at the way she tries to hide her smile. Still the same old Cara.
"Heads up," she says, "Marie is mad at you."
"What? Why?"
"Remus John Lupin!" Marie's voice echoes through the Church, not quite loud enough to count as disturbing over the already raucous level of conversation, but loud enough to make Remus wince.
She comes stomping down the aisle behind him, Felix in tow, her blonde curls bouncing angrily behind her. When she stops, she's beside Cara and her arms are crossed over her chest. Her blue eyes glare down at Remus, whose mother just snorts, not offering any help whatsoever. Thanks, mum.
"Marie," he tries for a smile. She continues to glare.
"No," Marie grits.
"Nice to see you again, Remus," Felix says with a small half-shrug that says Just ignore Marie.
"You too, mate."
"Mate," Marie scoffs, saying the word with so much disgust, Remus gets the impression it has personally offended her in some way. "You disappear on us for seven months and then just show up here and- and- oh, mate ! Mate ! You're my mate ! No. Just no- just- where were you ?"
"Boarding school," Remus replies, feeling bad about the lie but also knowing full well that if he told them he left to go to a school to learn magic he would be committing a crime. Statute of secrecy and all that.
"Boarding school?"
"Yes," he says. Marie is no longer glaring at him, but her arms are still crossed which means she is still mid-strop. So, Remus attempts an apology. "I'm sorry, Marie. It was sort of last minute, I wasn't sure they'd let me in."
This is true. Remus had been dwelling over the problem of his lycanthropy getting in the way of his chance to go to Hogwarts since he could remember. It was only when he received his Hogwarts letter that he knew he would get to go.
"What about Christmas then? Or the phone? You could have called, Remus. Or even sent a letter!"
"I'm sorry," he says again, this time meaning it. "I couldn't come back for Christmas, there was a- a thing. Uhm... I didn't call because they don't have phones and I didn't send a letter because there isn't a post office I could get to." All the truth. Except he could have probably sent a letter via owl to his parents to pass on to his friends. He hadn't thought of that. Whoops.
"What sort of place doesn't have a post office?" Cara asks and Remus sends her a look: Thanks for the support.
"Scotland."
"Wicked," Felix gasps.
"Marie!"
The four of them whip their heads around to see Marie's mum waving her over to the other end of the Church. Marie sighs and then groans like she has only just remembered that they have to sit here for the next couple of hours.
"Marie, I'm sorry. Honest. Can't you forgive me?" He pouts dramatically, Sirius Tonks style.
Marie, who is so sweet that she always has a soft spot for everyone, especially her friends, melts and unfolds her arms. She gets up, but before she goes off to join her family, she pushes herself forward into Remus' arms and squeezes him tight, only partially making his back feel worse.
"We missed you, Remus," she whispers and then lets go.
"I missed you lot too."
Marie smiles as she leaves, taking Felix with her. He waves goodbye to Remus, green eyes shining where he is standing in a beam of sunlight that is radiating through the stained-glass window of Jesus. He thinks of Lily Evans and how even her eyes aren't as bright-green as Felix's have always been.
Cara's aunt and uncle, who are her guardians since her parents died in a car crash when she was seven, take their places beside her. They speak to Remus' parents for a little while, asking after Remus as if he isn't right there and they can't just ask him.
Remus catches up with Cara and finds out almost nothing has changed. They go to the local high school now with the exact same children that they went to primary school with because it's such a small village. Cara doesn't say it, but Remus knows she still likes Felix. She only admitted it to Remus after her parents died, in a moment of weakness he guesses since she isn't one to share her secrets willingly. She hasn't mentioned it since she told him five years ago and he hasn't asked her about it.
It's very obvious that Marie also likes Felix, which was always awkward for Remus because he couldn't exactly tell Felix that their two best friends had crushes on him. Remus used to be the man in the middle, the one who would divert the conversations whenever people mentioned crushes because he knew it could only lead to somewhere bad; where one of the girls, or both, would come out the other side hurt. He wonders what's happened with that ever since he left, but doesn't feel inclined to ask. He's leaving in two weeks and doesn't want to get tangled in anything that will only burden his mind when he's away and helpless at Hogwarts.
The ceremony begins, so Remus turns back around to face the front. Every so often, he hears Cara mumble some witty remark under her breath about what the pastor is saying. Remus' shoulders shake as he tries to hold his laughter in.
It's a long two hours and once it's over, he practically drags his parents out of the Church before they can get tied up in a conversation with someone else's parents or grandmother.
Unfortunately, his parents do end up getting stuck talking to someone. Luckily for Remus, it's Felix's parents, so he gets the chance to properly see his friend without Marie's temper tantrum ruining the mood.
"What's froofy boarding school like then?"
"Is that even a word?" Remus asks.
"Dunno. Just said a word, it felt right."
"It's really good actually," Remus answers Felix's questions. "Believe it or not, but I've actually managed to make some of my own friends."
"Oh, my word!" Felix grasps his chest like an old lady clutching her pearls. Remus rolls his eyes. "You mean... without my guidance? My boy's all grown up." He wipes away a tear that isn't even there.
"I'll have you know, I'm very good at making friends."
"Right," Felix says with a snort. "And who was it who introduced you to Cara and Marie?"
"Oh, shut up."
Felix is the person Remus has known the longest. They met back when Remus was only three years old, during the first day of Nursery school. Remus had been told to recite the days of the week, got stuck on Wednesday (which, ironically enough, happened to be the day they were actually on), Felix whispered it in his ear, and they've been friends ever since.
It took them until they were five to find Marie and Cara, who had also been best friends since Nursery.
Felix was the first person to know Remus before the attack, before the seizures started, and back when he was nothing but a little boy afraid of the dark. By the time he met Marie and Cara, he had learnt that there were things in the world that were much scarier than the dark.
"You got any chocolate on you?" Felix asks, snorting as Remus raises an eyebrow and sticks a hand into his pocket. "Of course you do."
Remus' hand comes out holding a wrapper that is covered in sticky, melted chocolate. He cringes at the feeling of it and then scowls at the sight of Felix bent-over laughing at him.
"Whoops," Remus winces. These were the special clothes his mum got for him. "Uh..." He glances around as if someone is going to appear out of thin air and save him.
Someone does. Cara and Marie come over to join them. Cara rolls her eyes at the sight of Remus' chocolate-covered hand, and then pulls out a whole packet of wet wipes, passing them to him with a disappointed sounding "Here."
"Cheers," he replies, taking the packet. "How come you've got a whole packet of these handy?"
Cara turns her head in Felix's direction, eyebrows raised. "Why do I have packet of those handy, Felix?"
Felix scratches the back of his head and turns bright red in the face. "I may or may not have-"
"You did."
"Okay, fine. I brought a bottle of Coke into Church the first Sunday you were gone and it kind of exploded everywhere."
"In my eyes," Cara punctuates with a death-glare in Felix's direction.
"In my hair," Marie adds with a whiny sort of noise.
Remus chuckles. That's just so unbelievably Felix-like. With a sudden laugh again, Remus thinks about how that is also a very Sirius thing to do.
He misses Sirius. And James and Pete. Even Lily Evans. Not to mention Frank. He even finds himself missing his Potions lessons with Regulus Black. He shakes that thought away. He must just really miss Hogwarts.
Thanks to Cara, Remus is able to wipe away most of the chocolate from both his hands and the inside of his pocket before his mum can see. The four of them eventually divert back over to where all of their parents and guardians are speaking.
Remus grabs his mum's hand to get her attention. She smiles down at him with a "Yes, cariad?"
"Could we all go to the bakery? I haven't seen my friends in ages."
"Of course, that sounds like a lovely idea!" Hope beams down at him and the parents wrap up their conversation. They start on down the road, kids in the front and adults in the back. Remus tries not to put his hands in his pockets as he walks, which is harder than he thought it would be. Since when did he start walking around like Sirius and Peter?
The bakery door opens with a soft ding and Remus' nose is immediately overwhelmed in the most pleasant way. It smells like warm melted butter and crunchy sugar and... chocolate.
His stomach growls, making Marie giggle at him.
"I'll never understand how you are always hungry."
"We've been stuck in a musty, old Church for the last two hours and my chocolate plan didn't work, so yes... I'm hungry."
"Hangry, more like," Cara mutters.
Remus' mother comes out holding trays laden with different sweet treats for everyone to choose from. He predictably nabs all of the pain au chocolat's, much to his friends' amusement. Marie goes for her classic raspberry turnover, Cara for an almond croissant, and Felix takes a beignet.
They fill up on their pastries and Coke (Sprite for Marie) and stay in the empty bakery for a couple of hours, passing lunchtime. When the afternoon begins to bleed into evening, the families and friends split, going their separate ways. Felix and Remus do a little handshake thing they made up when they were six. He's missed doing that. He had almost forgotten how to do it for a moment there, when only last year it was one of those things he could do with his eyes closed or his back turned. He gets a punch in the gut from Cara when he tries to give her a hug, only for her to pull him into a brief, one-armed hug anyway.
She moves away from him quickly, but is only replaced by Marie who latches herself onto Remus. He hugs her back just as tightly. He honestly did miss her. All of them. He still does, even though they are right in front of him.
"I'm here for the next two weeks, so we can all hang out," he promises, mumbling into her hair. "And I'll be back in the summer."
Marie pulls back slightly and then kisses him on the cheek. He feels himself blush and glances swiftly down at the floor.
"You'd better find a way to send a letter or something, Remus," Marie says, stepping away from him. "We'll see you tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and-"
"Okay." Remus chuckles fondly at her.
"Bye, Remus," she waves. Felix and Cara follow after her, also waving. Cara sticks her tongue out at him and he returns the favour.
Thursday - 13th April, 1972
Remus and his dad are out, riding their horses along the mud-path behind the fields. He's missed Carpet and the feeling that comes with riding her. It feels like he's flying in a completely different way to how he feels when he's actually flying - like with a broom. She runs faster than he can breathe, galloping down the path like she's chasing the sunset. Remus can hear his father and Pippa - one of their other horses - behind them, slowly catching up.
It's been a long two weeks and Remus is both grateful and incredibly bitter about it. He wants to get back to Hogwarts, to see his friends and indulge in the delicious food cooked by the Hogwarts house-elves. But he will miss his friends. Properly this time. Like he should have the first time around.
Marie has made sure to see him every single day until he leaves. Only today she had them out in the woods for the entire morning and most of the afternoon, building dens and climbing trees, swimming in the brook just behind the Mason's fields.
Tomorrow is his last full day in Wales, then on Saturday he's on his way back to Hogwarts. He is dreading the early hour he will be forced to wake up in on Saturday morning. It takes them four and a half hours to drive to King's Cross Station and Lyall refuses to use the floo unless absolutely necessary. Apparently, Remus' desperation for a proper night's sleep does not qualify.
Remus makes sure to take pictures of all the horses before he and his father leave them to rest in the stables for the night. He wants to take them back to Hogwarts to show Dorcas. She was the first person he told about them after all. Plus, he can show the boys when he sticks them on the wall in the dormitory.
"Remus?" His dad calls from the backdoor to their cottage, while Remus finishes brushing Carpet's dark mane of hair. She's caramel-coloured and has deep-brown eyes, similar to Remus and his mother.
"Yeah, tad?"
"Come in," his dad gestures with a tilt of his head to the house. "I've got a surprise for you."
Remus puts down the hairbrush and closes the gate to Carpet's section of the stables. He strokes down her long face and presses a small kiss between her eyes. With a bemused smile, he follows his dad inside to the living room.
Resting on one of the couches there's a large, square box. It's nothing special, only cardboard, but his dad has drawn a fake bow with a red pen on the top to make it look more fancy. It only does the opposite, but Remus laughs at the effort.
"So, what do you think?" His dad asks.
"I love it!" He gasps sarcastically. "It's all I've ever wanted."
"Open it, silly boy," his dad chuckles. Remus sits on the couch and brings the box down into his lap. He pretends to undo the bow, much to his father's amusement, and then actually opens the box.
Sitting inside is a orangery-brown-coloured, wooden record player. Remus' eyes widen and he stares up at his dad, surprise and excitement breaking through his sarcastic expression.
"Is it..."
"Your very own record player, so you can take it with you to Hogwarts."
He pulls it out of the box, discarding the cardboard onto the floor immediately, and replacing it with his present. Remus stares in awe at it for a long moment, unsure what to say. It's so random. So beautifully perfect. The best gift he could have asked for.
"Tad... I- This must have been expensive, I can't-"
"Yes, you can, Remus." Lyall sits down beside him and reaches out to put his hand on the back of Remus' neck. "You deserve it. After everything you've gone through- still go through. You're growing up, my boy, and I'm so proud of you. You're the best son I could have asked for."
Remus feels the way his eyes sting. He really hates crying in front of people. His dad knows that. Lyall pulls him closer and Remus buries his head in his dad's chest as he lets his tears silently fall.
"It was supposed to be a birthday present, but it came a bit late. Stupid post office," Lyall tuts, making Remus smile. "You can take whatever records you like, so long as you take care of them."
"I will," Remus nods. "I promise. Thank you, tad."
His dad keeps repeating the same sentence into his hair, in between kisses to his head. You deserve it.
***
Friday - 14th April, 1972
James
James isn't sure what Sirius was on about when he said he was embarrassed to show him his house. It's one of the coolest places James has ever seen! There's a whole tower, for one. Also, the shop his parents own is so interesting. James could spend hours browsing the shelves if he was given the time to.
Unfortunately for him, there's been a thousand other fun things to do. Oh, how unfortunate.
Sirius and his parents showed him around the village the first night he arrived. He got to visit most of the gift shops and they even got dinner out at this nice little restaurant called Jayne's Finest. During the second and third days, Sirius took him to the beach. It took them both days to walk the length of the beach, since they kept getting distracted by games of volleyball and swimming in the ocean.
Sometimes, Sirius would be below James, swimming deeper and deeper than any normal human should be able to. He would come up, holding something in his hand, whether it be a pretty shell or a trinket that had dropped to the seabed from passing ships or people swimming in the ocean. By day four, they had a whole collection.
It was day four that James met Mo. The old piscator regarded Sirius emotionlessly for too long a time that eventually James grew uncomfortable.
"What happened to wanting to stick around?" He had grumbled, sounding offended rather than angry.
"I am, I will. I want to stay," Sirius stuttered speedily. "It's just- I'm going to this boarding school. It's where my parents met! But I will be back! I will! And then you can show me how to be just like you."
"How long are you going to this boarding school for, Tonks?"
"Seven years..." Sirius had responded in a shrunken voice.
"Hmmm... let's hope there's time for me to teach you. We wouldn't want a phoney like Bill trying and surely failing."
There was a "Hey!" from one of the other workers (Bill, James would imagine).
On the fifth day, they went back to the docks and helped Mo untangle trapped nets from around the pile moorings. Then, they were treated to a very delicious and very greasy fish and chips lunch, courtesy of Mo.
On the sixth day, Sirius tried to show James the woods. He said he wanted to show him the place he and his mum secretly practiced Quidditch away from all the Muggles. But James had refused to step a foot over the treeline. They were too much like the woods back home.
Sirius hadn't argued, but he seemed a bit disappointed.
Now is the seventh and final day. They're back in the sea, which James doesn't mind. He always has liked the water. It's a calming presence, stark against the busy bustle of tourists on-land. James lays down against the waves, spreading like a starfish, and closes his eyes as the sun sprinkles down on him, making his dark skin glow more brown. The water spills in and out of ears, tickling a bit.
Sirius is somewhere below, probably keeping an eye out for treasures. So far, they're collection contains an old wristwatch, a few rusty nails, a pair of circular glasses very similar to James' own, two pearls (which Sirius himself had managed to get out of a couple of muscles), a silver band ring, and a dozen colourful shells.
He breaks the surface beside James' left arm, letting out a small gasp. He swipes his hair away from his face and grins at James, who moves around so that he is floating beside Sirius, toes deep in the sea.
"Find anything else?"
"I found a Moonstone!" Sirius holds out a white stone; when under the sunlight, it shines green and then, when Sirius twists it, purple. "It must have been dropped by a person because these are only really found off the coasts of India and Sri Lanka, among other places, but not England."
James is impressed by Sirius' knowledge of different stones and shells and pretty much anything they find in the sea. He always has a name for it, always gives it a history and lists it's facts.
"They're meant for meditation, but they mainly symbolise intuition and inspiration, as well as good fortune in love." Sirius elbows James a couple of times and wiggles his eyebrows.
"Amazing," James breathes out, still in awe of Sirius' brain full of facts.
"I think I'll give it to Remus, because it's a Moonstone," Sirius mumbles and James isn't sure if he is talking to himself or to them both. "Is that too obvious?"
"Maybe just a tad."
"Yeah," Sirius tuts. He holds onto the stone with more strength and then puts it in his pocket. James wonders briefly how he never loses anything in the sea himself. Maybe half the things he picks up from the seabed are just things he's dropped in the past.
Sirius pulls out an empty vial, much to James' confusion. Then, he dunks it in the sea and lifts it out, corking it.
"Sirius?"
"It's for Xeno," Sirius says, pushing the vial of oceanwater into his pocket alongside the Moonstone. "He wanted me to bring back the smell of the sea. So, I'm bringing him the sea itself."
"Oh, that's..."
"Strange? Yeah, that's Xeno." Sirius smiles once more before diving back beneath the surface, splashing James in the face in the process.
Saturday - 15th April, 1972
Other than a letter each from Peter, Remus, Frank and Mary, James hasn't seen anyone from Hogwarts during the holidays, except for Sirius. After only two weeks, he finds himself missing them all a concerning amount.
Merlin. At this rate, you won't survive the summer.
They arrive at King's Cross through a floo network that spills them out directly onto the platform. James is buzzing with anticipation, desperate to see his friends. Almost as anxious as he had been back in September.
Sirius' parents come with them and walk them all the way to the door of the train. Mrs Tonks- Andy leans down to kiss Sirius' forehead and then does the exact same thing to James. She reminds him a lot of his own mum, insisting they call her by a nickname instead of Mrs Tonks. Plus, she's kind like James' mum and her aura makes him feel safe in a way he has only ever really felt from Effie, Mary and Remus. The only vast difference between the two women would be their choices of clothing. While Effie dresses casually, mum-like, Andy wears band t-shirts and leather jackets with boots that look like she stole them from a pirate.
She squeezes both boys into a shared hug and kisses them on top of their heads a few times, making Sirius try to pull away and James giggle.
"You're bringing this one around again." She gestures to James and Sirius laughs, agreeing that yes, James will be going back to Cornwall at sometime in the future. "Oh, I love him already. Such a sweetheart!" She lays her hand on James' cheek softly and he beams up at her, entirely focused on her.
"What my wife means is that we would love to have you again, James," Ted adds. Andy rolls her eyes in response. "It was very nice to meet you. I hope Sirius doesn't get you into too much trouble when you return to Hogwarts." He raises an eyebrow and stares in the direction of his son, who sticks his tongue out in answer.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, I am an angel."
"Yeah, you're a delight, aren't you?" James intones jokingly with a small chuckle.
"See!"
Sirius hugs his dad goodbye. James doesn't think the man will hug him too, but is surprised when he does. He is even more puzzled by how natural it feels. So loving and full.
"Come on, James, I miss- everyone !" Sirius clutches onto James' arm and sprints away, dragging him along too. Andy and Ted wave goodbye to them, James attempts a wave back but it comes out as more of a jolted arm movement.
They find the others in no time at all. Remus and Peter are already playing a game of Exploding Snap on the seat between them, while Mary and Marlene sit on the seat opposite. Sirius squeezes his way in between the girls and James sits on Mary's other side.
"Good holiday?" She asks, giving him every ounce of her attention.
He smiles and glances at the back of Sirius' head. "Not sure if I would call two straight weeks with Sirius a good holiday, but it was alright."
"How absurd!" Sirius screeches, putting on a posh accent that sounds strangely comfortable with his before-puberty voice. He almost sounds like Regulus Black, whose accent has always been a bit too stuck-up for someone of their age group. Even the other Pureblood kids don't speak with as much primness as he does. "I thought we already clarified this, Jameson, I am a delight!"
"Oh, sorry, Siriustopher. I had forgotten."
Both burst into giggles at the same time everyone around them groans and the card in Peter's hand explodes.
"Two weeks alone with each other and you've turned into Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum," Remus groans, sinking back in his seat. "And I had such high hopes for you, James."
Sirius splutters incoherently. James sits back up in his seat and leans into Remus' space. "I'm afraid those hopes drowned back in the bottom of the Cornwall ocean."
Remus sighs. "How ever will Pete, Frank and I survive."
"I don't know, Lupes. How will you?"
Remus lets out a long annoyed whine. James snickers and pushes himself back in his chair.
Everyone shares stories about their two weeks away. James asks where Lily is, since she's usually wherever Marlene and Mary are, only to be told she is sitting with Snape. James doesn't dislike the Slytherin boy like his friends do, but he isn't fond of him. Especially not after some of the insults he's thrown at Remus. Those ones are always the worst. Picking on the few scars that litter Remus' hands (James has a theory about those that involves Remus' lycanthropy) and about his lack of riches.
Halfway through the train ride, James heads off to the bathroom to get changed into his uniform. He wouldn't mind getting changed in front of the other boys, since they usually have to in their dormitory, but getting dressed in front of the girls is something he will not be doing.
He has to wait outside, since the toilet is already occupied and there is only one toilet per train carriage. The person inside takes a while and James begins to think he might just go back and ask the girls to turn around. Either way, he's not sure he wants to go in the toilet now. Every idea that pops into his mind for why someone could take so long grows more and more disgusting.
The door unlocks at the same time James decides he is going to leave. He turns and watches as Regulus stumbles out looking a little dazed. He's still buttoning his shirt up, a part of the material rides up near the waistband of his trousers.
Something catches James' eye.
A long, pink line that he knows wasn't there in November, the last time he saw Regulus with his shirt half off and then completely off. Scars had riddled his back and James asked- but Regulus wouldn't explain. James still wishes he explained.
Now, he's standing before James, still focused on his buttons, not having noticed the other boy. And James is staring at his hip. That angry pink snake slithering up from beneath.
James swallows something that feels like anger, though he isn't sure why. He rips his eyes away and clears his throat. Regulus starts, definitely not having known James was right there. His eyes widen and then dull down to something empty, unless you count that tinge of bitterness - James would rather not.
"Potter."
"Regulus."
Regulus drops his hands from where he has finished doing up his shirt. James coughs and points at the part of hip that is exposed. Regulus blushes and quickly covers up the scar. It's new, James knows that much.
The anger returns.
"Potter, don't-" Regulus starts, a bit of desperation battling with the bitterness.
"I won't tell anyone," James promises stiffly. He wants to say something else, feels like he should. There are so many things that come to mind. Instead he says, "See you at school," and pushes past him into the toilet.
When they enter the common room after a long, delicious Hogwarts meal, Arthur Weasley is sitting in front of the fireplace, a pair of oval spectacles placed on the tip of his nose. He seems immersed in a book, so the boys try not to disturb him. They have to hold Sirius back from going over and tickling Arthur's hair. He's such a menace.
The Head Boy seems to notice them anyway and grins like a Cheshire cat at them.
"Good holiday, boys?"
They all answer over each other. Arthur bellows out a hearty laugh, getting up from his chair, tucking his book under his armpit and taking his glasses off to put them in his back pocket. "Lovely. I just wanted to remind you all that curfew for first years is eight o'clock, in case you forgot. Goodnight, boys!"
He wanders away, humming to himself cheerily. James can't even find it in himself to be peeved at the early curfew they have.
As the boys head on up to their room, they argue about who they think will be next years Head Boy. One thing they do agree on: next years Head Boy won't be nearly as good as this years.
Monday - 17th April, 1972
The main topics of conversation fluttering around the first years as they return to Hogwarts are the upcoming exams and the question of who has been employed as the new DADA teacher for the remainder of the year.
They have Charms first. Flitwick spends most of the lesson going through what the exam will be on and which topics they should revise. Lily and Remus scribble down notes so fast that James thinks they are racing each other. If they were, Lily won.
After Charms, they have Defence Against the Dark Arts. So far, all they have learnt this year is how to read from their text books (the months between September and Christmas) and only three spells. The first thing they had learnt was Protego, which is the spell to guard them from oncoming attacks. Then they had learnt the Knockback Jinx ; that had been the lesson that Dorcas Meadowes accidentally sent Barty Crouch out the window. Luckily, the professor had caught him with a quick Levioso spell.
Finally, just before their professor disappeared, he had taught them Expelliarmus. That one is James' favourite. It means he doesn't have to worry about harming anyone when he's trying to defend himself. Put him in a duel with Expelliarmus and Protego and he's all set to go.
When they enter the class, James notices a woman with short, dark hair. Her hair is cropped close to her head, even shorter than James' own hair. When she smiles at them all, she reminds him of a pixie. Her features small and sharp, but kind. She glances around the room at all the students milling in and once everyone is seated, she claps her hands together.
"Hello, everyone! I am your temporary Defence Against the Dark Arts professor until the end of the summer term. My name is Daisy Fortescue, call me Professor Fortescue." The grin never leaves her face. James frowns at the lady and then turns to Alice, who is sitting at a table in the back corner of the room beside Frank and Azalia. She sinks slowly into her chair, ears and face bright pink.
James thinks he hears Azalia ask if that's her mum, to which Alice nods in response.
For the rest of the lesson, James finds himself looking between Alice and Professor Fortescue, trying to find the similarities between them. Alice has her mother's nose and keen grin. James notices when Professor Fortescue laughs, she giggles in a long, soft, watery way that sounds exactly like Alice's laugh.
By the time class is over, Alice has properly sunk all the way down so that James can only just see her shoulders. Frank laughs fondly down at her and gently coos her out of hiding. James smiles at them both.
Like the rest of their professors, Alice's mum decides to remind them that exams are right around the corner. James' stomach wants to protest every time they are mentioned. He knows, okay? He doesn't need people to keep reminding him every five seconds.
Friday - 21st April, 1972
It's a week until the next full moon. James and Sirius have written down and memorised every full moon until the year 2030 when Sirius is sure they would have died.
"You know wizards live until they're like one-hundred and fifty, right?" James asks as they walk to Potions.
"Yes, that doesn't mean we won't try to do something really stupid when we're like seventy because we still act like we're fifteen and end up getting ourselves killed," Sirius argues with such passion, James fears for his future seventies.
"Maybe you will, I won't. When I'm seventy, I want to be one of those old people who sit on their front porch all day and-"
"Point and laugh and complain at everyone," Sirius finishes with a satisfied nod.
"Uhm, no. I want to sit on my porch with my lemonade and my love and watch as people just bustle by, living their lives, knowing we already have."
The conversation had promptly switched to one about exams. Apparently, twelve-year-old Sirius Tonks is not mature enough for such a deep conversation. Or at least, that's what James' bitter mind thinks.
Remus has been twitchy all morning and James knows it's because of the moon. His hands have been ticking as if he is connected to those Muggle electricity poles and they keep shocking him with electric waves. His eyes are lidded and distant and his skin is pale with a think layer of damp on it. The few scars visible on him are standing out vastly against the pallid shade of his skin.
James wishes, not for the first time, that he could do something to help.
He's spent a lot of time with Remus this week. James, Remus and Lily have begun a mini study group that consists of the three of them studying in the library every Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon until exams. Peter keeps talking about joining them and then never shows up, while Sirius just shrugs the idea off, saying he doesn't need to study to get good grades.
Remus and James split off from Sirius and Peter once they enter the classroom, since the other boys sit on the opposite side of the room and Remus and James pretty much sit right beside each other.
James can't help but think about Remus' birthday again and that ridiculous cake hat they had all gotten him to wear. He almost laughs at the memory of it, but stops when he glances over at Remus, who is wincing.
"Remus?" James reaches out a gentle hand and touches Remus' shoulder a bit precariously. "Are you alright?"
"M'fine," Remus grumbles. He doesn't look fine. At all.
"Maybe you should go see Poppy."
"I said I'm fine, James," Remus hisses. Then, in a much softer tone, "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I just don't feel very well. Sorry."
"It's okay," James assures him. "Just maybe sit down this lesson, yeah? Take care of yourself. Or, if you want, I can take care of you since I'm right here. I'll be your little nurse."
Remus chuckles, which James counts as a win, even if it does look like it hurt him. "Thanks, James. I'll be fine though."
"Okay."
They are remaking the Wiggenweld Potion today. James does not have very fond memories of the last time the class had to brew this potion. It was when Regulus got all those boils and James had to basically drag him to the infirmary. That had been the day he first saw Regulus' scars. Had it really been all those months ago?
He glances over every so often to check on Remus, trying to be as subtle as possible. He gets more unhappy with what he sees each time he looks up. It gets to the point where even Regulus is beginning to notice the way Remus has turned as grey as a headstone and orders him to sit down and let him finish the Potion alone. That only heightens James' worry for them both. The last time Regulus tried to do that alone, well... James already explained what happened there.
Lily is adding the salamander blood when James hears a harrowing thud. He's off his stool in less than a second. He remembers when it happened last time. What they did wrong because they didn't know what was happening. He knows what he should do now. He shouts at Lily to get Poppy, but Sirius is already on it and out the door.
Remus' body writhes and twitches on the floor, his hands jolting harsher than they were earlier. James yells at Lily for her jumper, which for some reason makes her blush. James is too worried at the moment to think about what that means. She does give him her jumper though, which is something he can be thankful for.
James bundles it up and rests it carefully under Remus' head so that it isn't against the stone floor. He takes one of Remus' twitching hands and starts scratching gentle circles over his palm with his nails. Remus had told him once that this was something his dad did whenever he had an episode and it always helped to calm him.
He speaks to him too, having been told by Poppy that this was something he should do.
"He might be able to hear you," she had said. "You can make him feel safe. Stop the fear from overtaking his mind."
He does now, ignoring the way the students in the class have circled around them. He ignores the way Slughorn has done nothing but freeze in the corner. He even ignores the stuttering, panicked breaths coming from above him - Regulus.
"It's okay, Remus," he whispers and hears as his voice trembles. "You're safe. Sirius has gone to get Poppy. You're going to be okay." Stop the fear from overtaking his mind. Tell him something funny. "Did you know that when Sirius is an old man he wants to sit on a porch and yell at people who pass on the street. He's going to be even more of a menace then, you know. We're really in for it, aren't we?"
He continues to mutter nonsense until Poppy comes rushing through the door. It probably only took her a minute or two, but to James it's felt like years.
James stands and goes over to Sirius, who takes his hand straight away. They both need it. James hadn't realised he was shaking until he feels himself rattling against Sirius' own shaking hand. He also didn't realise he'd been crying until his glasses grow all foggy and he notices he cannot see.
They don't ask for permission to follow Poppy, they just go. Peter and Frank follow, and - to James' bewilderment - so does Regulus. No one questions it. No one even speaks.
It isn't until they are in the infirmary, Remus and Poppy behind a curtain and the other five boys are left alone, that Sirius notices Regulus' presence.
"What are you doing here, Black?"
"I want to know what just happened," Regulus snaps back.
"It is none of your business. Leave." James doesn't think he has ever heard Sirius sound so frightening.
"Just tell me what-"
"Why would I-"
Their voices overlap to the extent that James can't even differentiate between them. Peter has his hands over his ears and is silently sobbing, while Frank is staring at the scene in front of him with such offence, you'd think Sirius and Regulus were shouting out slurs.
Frank steps forward and pushes his hands between the two boys' faces, which are now only inches apart, and begins clapping his palms violently together. Both boys jump back suddenly, like they have only just remembered where they are and why they are here.
"Stop it!" He whispers sharply. "Remus is... he's... well, I don't know what's happening. But I sure as heck know that you two yelling at each other at the top of your lungs isn't making anything better for him. If anything, you're probably making it more difficult. So, both of you, be quiet and sit down!"
James gulps. He is very impressed, if he's being honest. Frank has never snapped at anyone as far as James is concerned. Not even when Peter accidentally used his toothbrush to unclog the shower drain.
"Frank is right," James hears himself say, though he is not sure where he got the strength that radiates in his unquavering voice. "Sirius, sit down. Frank, thanks and uh- sorry for these two. Could you give Peter a hug? Thanks... again. Regulus," he turns to the odd boy out and sighs, "come with me."
James walks towards the infirmary doors and Regulus follows. Once they close and he is sure no one inside can hear them he asks with exasperation, "Why are you here?"
"I want to know what happened to Remus."
"Why?" James asks.
"I... I wanted to- Was it my fault? Is it because I did something wrong with the potion or-"
"What?"
"I don't know if he breathed it in or-"
"Regulus," James snaps and the other boy stops talking. He swallows and closes his eyes for a second to gather his thoughts. When he opens them, Regulus is standing before him, terrified. James feels himself soften. "It wasn't your fault. This just happens to him sometimes. It always has and it probably always will."
"Why?" Regulus asks cautiously like he is afraid they will be the next to get into a screaming match.
"He has epilepsy," James replies. "He doesn't like people knowing, but I guess it's kind of obvious now. Uh, if anyone asks, maybe just... don't tell them anything." He scratches the back of his neck where his hairline starts. "Please."
"Of course," Regulus whispers earnestly, reminding James of the blue-eyed boy on the train. "I'm sorry."
"For what? You didn't do anything."
"For- if I made it worse by yelling at Tonks. I didn't mean to. Tell Remus I'm sorry." He turns to leave and James reaches out before he can think about it, wrapping his fingers around the crook of the other boy's elbow.
When Regulus turns to face him again, he lets go and clears his throat. The tension between them feels similar to how it had on the train, except less acidic. There's a mutual understanding between them now that neutralises the air.
"I still mean it," James speaks, "you didn't do anything."
He isn't sure why it's so important to him that he makes sure Regulus knows that. Regulus looks down at his hands as he plays nervously with his tie. A habit James has noticed a few times now.
Regulus meets his eye once more and whispers, "Thank you, James," like it's a secret shared between them. Then, he's off down the hall and around the corner. James has to catch his breath, probably from all of the stress. He runs a hand through his hair before returning back to the others.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
cariad = sweetheart (Welsh)
tad = father (Welsh)FUN MENTIONS:
-Remus and his parents - Lyall and Hope, I love them!! so much!! 😙
-CARA, MARIE, FELIX! my children! (Marie is said like "muh-ree" not "Mary")
-not Remus sneaking chocolate into literal Church, only for it to melt all over his clothes- help I love him so much
-Carpet the horse shoutout <3
-I love sea Sirius a concerning amount
-James having attachment issues with his friends (same, honey, same 😭)
-Andy and Ted <3
-Sirius and James are sirius-and-james-ing and I am loving it!
-Barty being flung out of the window in class by Dorcas..😭😭
-I would like to formally apologise to Remus and everything I put him through and will put him through in this fic :(
-also Reg, poor Reg :( next chapter isn't going to be very kind to him... sorry, just a heads up..
-ARTHUR!! I missed that guy honestly <3
-Frank, ml <3See you next week!! xx
Chapter 13: First Year: Exams
Summary:
Regulus' Easter wasn't so great.
The first years have their exams.
A prank war starts..by accident..
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-Walburga warning
-child abuse/a spell cutting someone (a child - 11 y/o)
-"wound" (idk 😭)
-scars from child abuse
-light bullying
-at one point a character can't breathe and feels like they're "drowning" (I wonder who 👀)
-exam anxietySorry about this one. I feel like I'm always apologising.. Have fun! :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
But I found my family.
I found the right thing to do.
I found the way home.
~ Caroline B. Cooney
Monday - 1st May, 1972
Regulus
Regulus is thankful for his cousin Narcissa. He is even grateful for her stupid husband Lucius, ridiculous platinum-blonde hair and all. When he'd first arrived home for the holiday, they were both visiting, which meant Regulus didn't have to worry about his mother's potential wrath. She would never do something as humiliating as punishing her child in front of a guest - especially not one from the second richest wizarding family in the country.
In all honesty, a small part of Regulus missed his cousin while he was away. Narcissa is one of the few people in his life who didn't live with him once upon a time, before he left for Hogwarts and was suddenly granted with so much more freedom. She was always kinder to him than her sister - Bellatrix. More accurately, she wouldn't chase Regulus down the dark corridors, calling in a voice so harrowing, "I'm going to get you, Reggiekins!"
He visited his father privately after dinner, once their guests had been lead to the front room, existing just for people to sit in silence together. Orion was having one of his bad weeks where he could barely make it out of bed, not even for meals. Regulus sat on the edge and took his father's hand, waiting until he blearily blinked open his eyes, which sagged closed almost as soon as he had opened them.
They spoke about school, which was the main thing his father would ask him about nowadays. How is Hogwarts? Are you enjoying it? Will you tell me all about your friends?
There was always an expectant twinkle in his father's eyes, like he was waiting for Regulus to tell him something specific, but Regulus always seemed to disappoint. He did talk to his father about Hagrid, which ripped a small chuckle out of his father's croaky chest.
It wasn't until his father blinked his eyes open again and inhaled sharply, eyes focusing on something behind Regulus, that he noticed his mother's rod-like frame in the doorway. Her expression was thunderous and- ready. That's the only way Regulus thinks he could describe it. She was ready, like she had been waiting for this moment for months.
He nodded a goodnight to his father, who attempted to get a grip on his arm, but unfortunately failed. Orion was growing far too weak nowadays for Regulus' liking. He knew it was his father trying to stop him, trying to rebel against Walburga. He just wasn't strong enough. Sometimes, Regulus hated him for that. It wasn't his fault, and he knew that, but it felt like it could be. If he had to blame it on anyone, which made things easier, it could be Orion's fault.
Walburga had led him directly to the drawing room, which was her favourite spot to teach him a lesson. Right in front of the family tree. She lay out a chair, facing the tapestry of painted faces that Regulus never let himself properly look at. He knew she positioned him like this on purpose. He would not do so much as to outright refuse to follow her orders, but he would never let his eyes linger for too long on the wall opposite him.
She would tell him to sit, with the back of the chair to the side of him, an easy target. A blank canvas waiting for Walburga to start spreading her work. She probably saw it as her own masterpiece. Sometimes, Regulus would sit in the chair and wonder why his mother had to do it so theatrically, so organised and purposeful. Surely, other parents who abuse their kids don't have them sit in a chair and slowly carve barcode-like lines into their skin. Surely, those parents just act in the moment. Strike through anger. Cut when they feel they are sharpest.
The problem for Regulus is, Walburga always feels sharp and lethal. Always strikes in a strict and planned-out manner. She is a weapon and she knows how to angle herself just right to cause the most amount of pain.
Regulus had unbuttoned his shirt and sat on the chair without protest. What he had not expected was for Walburga to prowl slowly- edgingly around the chair. What he had just not seen coming, because his mother was a weapon who was organised and strict, was her leering over him and blocking the family tapestry. Was for her to grab his hair in her claws, pull his head back and cut so unevenly, so unorganised and without her regular strictness. The cut crisscrossed through the scar on his right hip that stretched across his back and all the way to his left shoulder. It sliced through his clothing, sharp and careless. So un-Walburga that it frightened him.
At least before, he knew what was coming. At least when she would carve into his back, he knew what to expect.
He imagined he was being punished for being seen with Hagrid, which would make sense since his mother despised all half-breeds. It was probably also because of his friendship with Pandora. Walburga had already taken Pandora away once, Regulus wouldn't let her do it again. If this is what he would have to endure, then fine. He would.
Regulus was still breathing on disbelief when he made it back to his room, refusing to acknowledge that his mother had just done that. He stood in front of his mirror and stared at the deep wound on his hip that looped somewhere around his lower back. His trousers were unnecessarily ruined so that he had to bin them. He called for Kreacher and refused to cry. He wouldn't.
He did, however, continue to stare at his hip in the mirror. His mother never struck him on the front of his body. She would say things like, "No one will ever see, so no one will ever know."
Potter had seen. He had seen before any of Regulus' friends did. Before any lover he might someday have did. The first person besides himself, his house-elf and his mother to see the cruelty painted across his skin was James Potter.
Regulus has tried his best not to think about the events that happened over Easter. He has tried even harder to ignore the memory of Potter having seen his newest scar. He thinks it's ridiculous how Potter managed to somehow see it before they even arrived back at Hogwarts. It's like the universe is trying to humiliate Regulus as much as possible. Here, I'm going to show the person you hate your biggest weakness.
Regulus has had enough of the universe.
Tonks has been on a personal mission to make Regulus' life even worse. Ever since the incident with Remus in Potions when he followed the other boys to the infirmary and got into a screaming match with Tonks, he's been worse than he usually is. Shouting out things to provoke him from the other end of the corridors, bumping into his shoulders roughly in class, inducing Regulus' anger so that it almost spouts out of him.
He is sick of it.
It's strange though... He's turned to see Potter scolding Tonks for what he says and has noticed him holding back his friend the best he can. Sometimes, Potter will see him coming before Tonks does and swap their positions so that Sirius can't knock their shoulders together.
Today, he's on his way to breakfast with Evan and Barty on either side of him, making him less cautious of Tonks and his lumpy shoulders. They enter the Great Hall and Regulus finds that the Gryffindors are already sat at their table, which makes his wariness dwindle.
He sits beside Evan with a waiting gap between them, expecting Pandora to arrive at any moment. Barty sits opposite them, awaiting Dorcas' arrival too.
When the girls finally join them, Pandora ruffles Barty and Evan's hair, but only bumps shoulders with Regulus, which he is grateful about. He's glad she isn't sitting beside his newly damaged hip. It's starting to scar now, but he swears it still feels sore. He can still feel the vicious, cutting edge of his mother's curse.
He shakes those thoughts away the best he can and takes a refreshing sip out of his pumpkin juice. It's sweeter today, pleasantly so. He takes another sip.
Regulus only realises something is wrong when he opens his mouth to talk. His voice doesn't come and is instead replaced with a piercing hiccup that echoes through the hall. An amber-coloured bubble floats out of his mouth and flies into the air. He slaps his hands over his mouth, eyes wide with horror.
"Did you just... hiccup out a bubble?" Evan asks, sounding concerned.
"I... don't-" Hiccup! "What's-" Hiccup! Hiccup!
With each hiccup, a new bubble, bigger than the last, is produced from Regulus' mouth and floats up towards the enchanted ceiling. Well, hey, at least today is clear skies, right?
It starts happening more violently until he is hiccupping every time he gasps for breath. He feels like he's drowning. His eyes water and he feels all of the blood begin to drain from his face. Soon, there is a torrent of bubbles dancing over their heads.
"Bloody Tonks," Barty grumbles, glaring at the Gryffindor table.
Regulus looks over there for the first time and sees Tonks trying to hold a laugh in, his face purple from the effort. Pettigrew doesn't try so hard and is in a giggling mess beside Remus, who has the same expression on his face that Evan does - concern.
Potter seems to be lecturing his friend, frustration clear in his countenance.
"Come on, you need to go to the hospital wing," Pandora says from beside him. She takes his hand in hers and pulls him away from the Great Hall. They leave with every student staring at them, some laughing as Regulus' hiccups reverberate down the halls.
Madam Pomfrey doesn't look too pleased to see them, but when Regulus begins to fill up her infirmary with orange bubbles, she changes her mind. It doesn't take Pomfrey long to find an antidote to reverse whatever's happened to him.
She asks him a series of questions after that range from Can you feel any fizzing in your stomach? to Who was the cause of this?
Regulus is glad when Pandora doesn't say anything because he isn't sure he wants to tell. If he is being honest, he just wants to get even. He has had enough of Tonks and his friends and their ignorant pranks. It's time he does something to them.
"I'm not sure what you mean," Regulus replies, frowning in a way that he knows makes him look naïve. "This was all my fault."
"You mean to say you purposefully drank a potion that would make you hiccup bubbles with every breath?"
Regulus blinks, looking up at her with nothing but innocence. "Yes, I must have muddled it up with my clean skin potion." He isn't sure what he's talking about. He doesn't take a clean skin potion, whatever that is, but it's the only thing that comes to his mind. He's improvising, okay?
Madam Pomfrey regards him with suspicion for a count of five and then sighs. "Suit yourself. But, Mr Black, if you are being bullied, tell an adult. Any adult. I am available if you would not feel comfortable speaking to a professor. Take care of yourself, you are free to go."
She walks out of sight, leaving Regulus and Pandora in silence.
"So, how are we getting them back?" Pandora turns on him.
"How did you-"
"I know things, you know that. So, I was thinking it should have something to do with pumpkin juice," she says without a hint of sarcasm in her voice. She isn't joking.
"Oh, I already have the perfect idea."
Friday - 5th May, 1972
It's that Friday that Pandora and Regulus execute their plan. It isn't the most creative, but hey, Regulus never claimed to be perfect at everything. They somehow managed to get Peeves in on it; likely because his favourite hobby involves terrorising students and this way, he's getting given a golden opportunity to get on the good side of the Bloody Baron.
Pandora is the one who spoke Peeves into it with her amazing persuasive skills. Regulus is the one who hands him the barrel.
It's still break time at the moment, but any minute the corridors will start to fill up with students. The Gryffindors will be on their way to Potions. Regulus just hopes Peeves misses Remus. Not that they're friends - they're not. He just still feels guilty about the infirmary.
Barty, Evan and Dorcas insisted they come along, which Regulus doesn't mind. He wants everyone to see Tonks put in his place.
The five of them huddle inside of a hidden alcove behind a tapestry that will give them a direct view of what is to come. When the bustle of students begins, Regulus gets nervous and starts fiddling with the bottom of his tie. He hopes it works. He hopes Peeves doesn't get too enthusiastic and starts throwing it on the wrong students.
When he spots Tonks, which isn't too hard to do because he's practically wrestling with Potter in the middle of the corridor, his stomach swoops with anticipation. He rolls his eyes at the sight of the boys, but watches keenly.
Peeves comes shooting out of nowhere, barrel ready, and aims right for the four Gryffindor boys. One moment Peeves is cackling at a distressing volume for Regulus' ears, the next he's gone.
The four Slytherins and one Ravenclaw stare at the scene in front of them. Tonks, Potter, Pettigrew and- yes, unfortunately for him, Remus are all drenched in sticky pumpkin juice.
Tonks stands frozen, clearly dazed by what has just happened and not appearing to have realised that everyone around them has stopped. Pettigrew is shivering and grimacing at the sight of his own sticky hands and clothes. Remus looks done. He's staring up at the ceiling and Regulus can practically hear him chanting Why me? Potter, who Regulus has only just remembered, stares down at his hands curiously. He sniffs them, which is kind of gross, and then realisation flickers across his face. He glances around and then, finally, his eyes settle on Regulus and his friends.
They are no longer hidden away in their little alcove, so they don't look as suspicious as they probably could. Still, Regulus raises an eyebrow as a challenge. What are you going to do about it, Potter?
It's peculiar- the satisfaction that courses through him at the sight of Potter's smirk. It is just so unexpected. Regulus isn't sure what he thought he would do. Maybe tell on them or yell at him, maybe nothing at all. But Potter accepts his challenge.
Game on.
Tonight when Regulus finds himself back in the room that he has decided to name the 'Come and Go Room' (since it's always coming and going) he goes straight over to Reverie. Whenever he feels the need to talk endlessly to someone, he waits so that he can tell her portrait. Sometimes he wonders if the room's magic would stretch so far as to conjure an exact replica that includes a talking Reverie. The only reason he hasn't tried it is because he doesn't want that. He likes the lack of judgement on her face and the calm her presence releases.
It is this day that he first tells her about James Potter. She's heard plenty about Sirius Tonks, even some things about Remus and Pettigrew. But Regulus has always been careful not to speak of Potter. He isn't sure why it's such a touchy subject for him, especially considering he's talking to something that lacks a consciousness. He hasn't really allowed his mind to reach Potter, not since the train. Not in enough detail that he starts to remember how shy he used to be and how he actually misses that version of him now.
Instead of the boy he met on the train, he tells Reverie about Potter; he focuses mainly on the challenging squint of his eyes and uncharacteristic curl of his lips when he smirked. It was strange seeing him like that. In a way, it hurt September Regulus, who thought he knew the boy from the train at least a little bit.
Apparently, that boy is gone now and all the world is left with is a Sirius Tonks replication. He could do without the original, let alone another one.
There's a part of him that reminds himself of the times Potter switched positions with Tonks in the hallways, when he would lecture him after Tonks provoked Regulus. He remembers the way Potter had repeated those words at the infirmary: You didn't do anything. Spoken so softly, so reassuringly. Sometimes he finds it difficult hating someone who is so attentive about everyone else's feelings.
It's probably his least favourite thing about James Potter; he's much too difficult to hate.
Monday - 8th May, 1972
Regulus glares down at his exam timetable and when it doesn't change to suit his preferability, he huffs, sliding it across the table grumpily. He strops as he eats his breakfast, hating whoever decided to have History of Magic as their first exam on a Monday morning.
Everyone else seems anxious, except for Barty, who looks to be in the same sort of mood as Regulus. He is also annoyed that they're only having one exam a day, which means they'll have to stay in exam mode until next Tuesday. Honestly, the organisation is horrendous.
At least he gets to look forward to the Potions exam tomorrow.
Evan and Dorcas are cramming last minute - Dorcas with a piece of toast hanging out of her mouth and Evan with a hand clutched in his hair. Pandora is the calmest of the group. She gently unlatches her brother's hand from his hair and holds it in her own, tapping it rhythmically. She smiles at Barty and Regulus who have already resigned, leaning back in their seats.
"You two are a couple of the smartest students in our year, you'll do brilliantly. There is no need to stress," Pandora hums. "Besides, we're only first years."
"Yeah," Barty snorts, "I fear to see what you lot will look like when our O.W.Ls are here."
"Like you haven't been stressed yourself," Evan grumbles under his breath, just loud enough for them all to hear.
"Stressed? Me? I'm not stressed," Barty retaliates with confidence that Regulus knows is fake. He can feel the table shaking from where Barty's leg hasn't stopped hopping up and down.
At nine o'clock, they arrive at their History of Magic classroom. The room fills with anxiety-riddled students, which only helps to heighten Regulus' own uneasiness. Professor Binns floats down the aisles between the tables once everyone is sat down, handing out papers. Regulus gulps as he stares down at it.
An old sand-timer is brought out of Binns' desk drawer. As soon as he's turned it over, announcing that they have forty-five minutes to complete their paper, the sound of rustling exams choruses through the classroom.
Regulus opens his first ever Hogwarts exam paper and starts to write. It'll be fine.
***
Friday - 12th May, 1972
Sirius
Sirius is confident he aced the Potions exam on Tuesday, somewhat hopeful about the Herbology exam on Wednesday, trying to forget the Thursday Astronomy exam and the Monday History of Magic exam. None of those really mattered to him though, not like the Defence Against the Dark Arts exam does. It's probably his favourite lesson behind McGonagall's Transfiguration class.
DADA is the only one Sirius has revised for, mainly because they didn't have a competent enough teacher for the majority of the year, but also because he finds himself actually wanting to do good. He wants to get his results in a couple of weeks and show them to his parents proudly. He wants to see that pride on their faces.
He wanders into the Defence classroom with his friends flanking him, nervous butterflies set loose in his stomach. Professor Fortescue smiles at them all as they spill into her room; she looks so proud of them already, as if she's just finished marking their exams and knows that everyone passed.
Sirius has to remind himself not to get too cocky in his head. He could still fail. He really doesn't want to fail.
The tables, which usually seat two or three, have been spelled apart to form singular ones. Everyone takes a seat. Sirius sits with Remus on one side and James on the other, Pete in the front and Marlene behind him. That's nice, he thinks. Them simply being around him makes him feel calmer.
When the exam begins, he's one of the first to start scribbling down answers. Most of it he already knew since it's based on instinct. For example, one of the questions were: Which spell do you use when defending yourself against an oncoming attack?
Protego. Duh.
The parts he wouldn't have known from pure instinct, he had luckily taught himself in the past week. By the time Professor Fortescue is calling for them to drop their quills, Sirius is smiling. Okay, maybe he is still being a bit too cocky and confident but he knows he did good. Now all he has to worry about is the Transfiguration examination on Monday. Knowing McGonagall (which Sirius humours himself by believing he does), she is going to make the exam as difficult as possible. It's one of his favourite things about their Head of House - she loves to challenge them. Sirius always needs to be challenged.
Over the weekend, Sirius crams with Remus, Lily and James in the library, his pride finally squashed by his panic. His parents send him a letter informing him that they know he is doing great and they believe in him. No matter what, they know he will do brilliantly because he is "too smart for his own good". Even Peter ends up in the library with them by Sunday evening, practically shivering with anxiety.
"I'm done," James grudgingly chucks his quill on the desk and leans back in his chair. Sirius glances at his friend and notices a small layer of sweat on his forehead. Then, he looks over at Lily who is also watching James. She seems to be contemplating something and then drops her own quill with an exhausted "Me too" that is followed by a relieved sigh.
Peter wilts in his chair beside Sirius, dropping everything he had in his own hands (a whole Transfiguration textbook covered in different coloured post-it notes, all covered in illegible words, and a stress ball). His quill is tucked behind his ear. Sirius removes it and places it gently on the table beside James and Lily's, knowing Pete will probably panic later if he can't find it.
Sirius was done an hour ago, but didn't want to be the first to give in. He does now and drops his quill into the pile, followed by Remus. Remus stretches in his chair, sleeve cuffs riding up his forearms, and then breathes a large yawn that everyone except Peter catches. Probably because he is now half asleep against Sirius' shoulder.
"Can we go get hot chocolates now?" Remus asks the group, his eyes finally settling on Sirius. He nods and starts packing away his and Peter's stuff since he isn't nearly as tired as his friend.
"Yep, that sounds like an excellent idea," Sirius says.
"How are you going to do that?" Lily pipes up and Sirius had almost forgotten she was there. She is very quiet, maybe because they're in the library and she doesn't want to get thrown out by Madam Pince.
"Kitchens," James states like it's the most obvious thing in the world - it is really.
"And how do you expect to get into the kitchens, Potter?"
"We've been doing it all year," he shrugs as he packs up his stuff. "It's not that difficult, it's just like tickling a pear."
Remus and Sirius laugh at that, whilst Lily stands beside James looking utterly confused. Once Sirius wakes up Peter, the boys show Lily the way into the kitchens. Sirius doesn't know the girl that well, other than their little study sessions and the fact that he thinks she might have a thing for James or Remus, but he thinks they can trust her not to divulge their secret ways.
As soon as they are in the kitchens, house-elves flock them like a bunch of hungry seagulls. Lily had laughed when Remus tickled the pear, only to gasp when the portrait swung back to reveal the secret kitchens.
Remus asks for five mugs of hot chocolate and they all go to sit down around a table. Sirius thinks they sit at the one directly underneath the Slytherin table.
"Which one of you figured out that tickling the pear was the way to get into the kitchen?" Lily questions as she sits in between James and Remus.
"Pete," the other three chime as Pete yawns around a "Me".
"What on earth were you doing going around tickling the portraits?"
Sirius turns to Peter, curious, realising he never actually asked how Pete found the way to get into the kitchens.
"I summoned one of the house-elves once when I was hungry on the way to class and they told me how," he mumbles with a shrug. He's leaning with one elbow on the table, head in his hand, slowly sliding towards Sirius again. Perhaps they should have dropped him off to bed before coming here.
"You can just summon house-elves at any point in the castle?" Remus tilts his head, eyebrows scrunching. "Doesn't that go against the anti-apparition rules inside of Hogwarts."
"House-elf magic is different to wizard's magic," James explains. "They're much stronger. Their magic is more flexible than ours and doesn't always bend to our rules. It's like... if you dropped a feather and a hammer at the same time, the hammer will always land on the ground first because it's heavier and- well, gravity. Those are the rules of gravity. Those are the rules of the feather and the hammer. If you tried to force the hammer to fall slower or the feather to fall faster without contact, you just wouldn't be able to. The rules can't be changed. The hammer will always fall first and the feather will always be slower. House-elves will always have certain magics we will not understand because we are not them, just like the feather isn't the hammer, and we will always have our limits. We cannot fall faster than is possible."
"James..." Lily is gaping at him. "That was very smart. The analogy, I mean." Her face glows a deeper red than her hair. James shifts uncomfortably in his chair.
"Er thanks... Actually, it was quite bad. Technically, magic goes against the laws of physics- or really, it just plain ignores them, and I just used a physics analogy. Pretty silly of me."
"I think it was clever," Lily nods.
The house-elves bring over their freshly made hot chocolate. Peter wakes up for the marshmallows alone. They do not talk about the exams coming tomorrow and instead focus on not telling Remus about the small blob of whipped cream he has on the tip of his nose. It takes a house-elf that is leading them to the exit to inform Remus about it.
He wipes it away quickly, face turning red, cursing the others under his breath. Everyone else falls into hysterical laughter as they head on back to the common room.
Monday - 15th May, 1972
Sirius is a bit worried. He walked into the Transfiguration exam feeling some semblance of confidence, but a heavy amount of self-doubt. Now, he's sitting in the middle of the Transfiguration classroom, paper closed and sat in front of him. Completed. With twenty-five minutes out of his forty-five to spare.
Well, something is either very right or very wrong.
He keeps running his eyes up and down over his answers to make sure he hasn't missed anything. Running the pages in between his index finger and thumb to double check the pages weren't stuck together. All he finds is that he has answered every single question and no, the pages were not stuck together.
When Sirius leans back in his chair again, face scrunched up with confusion, he blinks and looks up towards the front of the classroom. McGonagall catches his gaze, it makes him more nervous that she's hidden something somewhere in the paper- a trick question maybe that seems easy but on fifth glance (because Sirius has already been through the entire paper four times ) is actually more difficult than expected.
McGonagall stares back at him with a knowing glint in her eyes. She pushes her glasses up her nose and regards him. A few seconds of intense eye-contact later, where Sirius suffers thanks to his own overthinking, McGonagall's lips twitch. She's... smiling at him?
How reassuring. Just what he needed to settle his nerves...
Tuesday - 16th May, 1972
Even Peter glides through the Charms exam. Once they're final exam is over, they act like they just survived through their O.W.Ls. The older students watch them with fond exasperation as they run out towards the lake, full-on dramatic "we're free!"
He and his four boys (yes, Frank is also his) collapse on the green opposite the lake, under an old oak that overlooks the mountains beyond the water. Sirius stretches himself across Remus' lap like a house cat until the other boy tosses him away, going to lay beside Frank. Sirius pouts but just swaps over to James' lap. James is a much better pillow - he starts playing with Sirius' hair.
Sirius almost purrs.
The girls find them eventually, Alice going directly over to Frank. They lie beside each other on the grass, Remus sort of third-wheeling. Azalia joins them so that Remus is not the only extra wheel, while Lily, Marlene and Mary circle around James, Sirius and Peter.
Mary grins down at James and Sirius, still huddled together. "Sirius, you're such a dog."
"Am I?" He raises a teasing eyebrow. "I was thinking cat."
"No," she shakes her head, "You're definitely a dog. Cats are far too jumpy and mean. You're more cuddly and playful like a dog."
"We'll find out when we learn how to cast Patronuses in fifth year," Marlene speaks up. Sirius' attention moves over to her and he smiles, thinking about all the times they've sat in this exact spot together, mulling over their problems in each other's company. Her hair has grown back a lot quicker than Sirius'. He'd had to explain to his mum what happened since she refused to drop the subject; it earned him one of the tightest hugs his mum has ever given him, so there was that.
"We should take bets," James says and Sirius knows he's joking but he thinks about how that isn't actually a bad idea.
"I wonder what mine will be," Lily ponders. She bites down on her bottom lip as she thinks, eyes gazing out at the silvery surface of the lake.
"Ooh, let's make it a game!" Mary suggests. She sits down properly beside James where he is leaning against the trunk of the tree. She subconsciously takes a strand of Sirius' hair in between her fingers, twirling it as she cogitates her answer. "I think mine will be something loud and obviously pretty-"
"Obviously," Marlene mocks with a small smirk. Mary sticks her tongue out at her.
"Maybe a parrot, those talk a lot and I am sort of a gossip."
"Sort of," Marlene echoes again, snorting.
"Marls, stop bullying me!" Mary cries, but she's smiling so Sirius knows she isn't being serious. "Yes, a parrot. Marlene, your go."
"This is stupid," she mutters, but she does take her time to think over what she will choose. "Probably something completely random like an aardvark."
"Right. Aardvark," Sirius points at Marls, winking at her. "What about you, James?"
"A little deer or a rabbit, something fluffy," James replies.
"Something fluffy." Sirius lists, "Okay, so cat-dog, gossiping parrot, aardvark, something fluffy. Remusssss, what about yours?"
Remus doesn't meet anyone's eyes, instead staring adamantly at the ground. Sirius is puzzled at first until he remembers about Remus' secret little werewolf. Oh. Yeah... maybe not a great question then.
"I can see you being something like an ostrich," James cuts in, clearly sensing the change in atmosphere, "because you're so bloody tall."
"Yeah... I was, uhm, thinking the same thing."
They get around everyone and Sirius ends up having to write it down. They get in their predictions and decide to keep the list until fifth year to see how accurate they all are. This is what he ends up with:
Me (Sirius) -- cat/dog pet
Mary -- gossiping parrot
Marlene -- aardvark (something random - maybe an ant)
James -- something fluffy/deer/rabbit
Remus -- ostrich< tall neck ._. giraffe? < wtf is this?? MY BEAUTIFUL ART!!
Frank -- baby squirrel <3
Alice -- some sort of bug with big eyes (creeeeeepyyy) ((ADORABLE!!! -Frank))
Azalia -- hamster
Lily -- sheep because smart (lily's words) ((shut up,
Sirius, i am smart!!))
Peter -- bear cub/brown bear/something cuddly
The girls eventually grow tired of the same setting and make their way back up to the castle, Frank in tow behind Alice. He waves goodbye to the boys with a beaming smile. Sirius doesn't think he would be that happy if he had to spend the rest of the day with that many girls. Not that there's anything wrong with them, he just prefers the boys' company more. He would miss them if he wasn't with them.
"Now that we're alone," Sirius claps his hands together. He's sitting where Mary had been, beside James, leant against the bark of the oak tree. "We need to plan our payback. This is war."
"I actually agree," James says with a strange smile. Sirius doesn't question it, assuming James is having some kind of epiphany about his new-found love for pranking, where he was always nervous about the topic before. "As long as no one gets hurt, I'm all in."
"I agree," Remus nods. He's sitting opposite Remus, beside Peter. "What are you thinking then, Sirius?"
"I want to do something that seems evil, but is a misdirect and is actually something really silly. They need to be a little afraid- just a little bit, James. Come on! It'll be totally safe."
"So," Peter questions, looking directly at Sirius with a keen smile, "any ideas?"
"We should trick them with- yes !" He gasps. Sirius' mind starts overflowing with possible plans. "Oh... yes. I think that's it."
"What?" Peter squirms, practically jumping across the grass.
Sirius feels a crazy smile twist it's way onto his face.
Notes:
This is here very early (a week early) because my bestie, Makayla (everyone say, "Hi, Makayla") is READING IT!!! FINALLY! omg thanks for reading it, little shoutout here because I love you xxxx
MENTIONS:
-Narcissa <3 (she will have a bigger plot later on in this fic that I cannot wait to write!!)
-i'm sorry, reggie, i didn't mean to... but i also had to :(
-walburga: torture or no pandora? regulus: *sits in chair* i'm ready 🙂 (sorry..)
-I know "hiccup" is american, but i hate "hiccough" wtf is that???
-Regulus really said "I'm sick of them doing this in every universe I exist in, I'm getting even this time" get it, girl
-"Game on" 🦅🦅
-Lily is far too obvious with her crush atm and it's hurting me physically because I was just like this as an 11/12 year old...
-not the McGonagall vs. Sirius staring competition 😭
-PATRONUSES! some are right, some are wrong. guess you gotta wait and see.. gonna be waiting a LONG time
-do I smell a prank war?? yes. yes, I do.
-not the giraffe drawing HAHAHAHA I had to add that. idk what artist drew it, but I found it on Google soooo yeh :)This was a fill-in chapter, but was also very necessary, so I hope it didn't feel as choppy for you as it did for me, but yeah. No complaining! I just published two chapters in a weekend 😊
ALSO, we're getting up to the end of first year YAY!! just two more chapters to go!!!!!! BYE, THANKS FOR READING xx
Chapter 14: First Year: Snakes
Summary:
Remus gets help from an unpredictable duo.
The boys make a plan.
The Slytherin boys get pranked.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-exam results anxiety
-feelings of not belonging
-full moon symptoms
-something similar (but much less extreme and more temporary to) locked-in syndrome happens
-someone feels sick (doesn't throw up though)
-brief mention of past seizure(s)
-character not feeling in control of their body or choices
-snakeshere is an early chapter again because I'm feeling generous (three chapters in four days, lucky you)
HAVE FUN!! bye bye first year :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
~ Goo Goo Dolls
Friday - 26th May, 1972
Remus
With less than a week left to go until the summer holidays, Remus and the other Gryffindors spend their time carousing through the Hogwarts grounds. Unable to fill their time with their classes or their frantic studying, now that the exams are over. Today is results day, which Remus is actually quite nervous about. He hadn't realised how much he was worrying about it until James pointed out the nervous tick he'd picked up of tapping his fingers against the table.
The thing is, he wants to do well, but not in the way his classmates want to do well. Remus wants to prove he does belong here with all of the normal people who are his age. He wants to show everyone that even though he is a werewolf and has problems that other kids his age don't have to deal with, he is still capable. He should be here. He deserves to be here.
His mam used to have this old saying: Bydd y rhai sy'n llusgo eu traed yn gweld nad ydyn nhw'n symud bron mor gyflym â'r rhai sy'n ymdrechu i gerdded yn dalach.
"And luckily for you," she would lean in and whisper like it was something hidden that only they knew, "you have tall genes, so don't ever worry about failure, cariad. Just try hard and you'll deserve whatever it is you achieve in the process."
There was always something about those words that stuck with him. A motivator that got him into action whenever he felt like giving up. Stand tall. Cerdded yn dalach.
They queue up outside of McGonagall's office with the other Gryffindor first years. Sirius likes to pretend he's all confidence. Remus can tell he's as nervous as the rest of them by the way he's jumping around them like he's just had five cups of coffee. James is picking at his cuticles, almost to the point of bleeding, until Remus gently pulls his hands apart, earning him a quick thankful smile before James stares off into space again. Peter appears to have given up being worried and is slumped against Lily, much to Remus' shock.
Remus tilts his head - a question. Lily rolls her eyes and goes to shrug, then remembers the half-conscious boy there and just settles with a soft, "He did try hard."
Remus is glad that Lily is somewhat warming up to Peter, who she had absolutely despised at the beginning of the year. Only because Peter and Sirius don't get along with her best friend - Severus Snape. Remus is not fond of the guy either, but he tries not to burden himself or Lily with his dislike whenever they are together. Her acceptance of Peter tells Remus that she either understands both sides are as bad as each other, or she recognises that Peter only acts out of loyalty for his friends. And is that really so bad?
Mary and Marlene are playing the slapping game that Remus and Cara used to play on the school field at break and lunchtimes. Marlene's forearms are already bright red, while Mary's hands are covered in pink handprints.
Frank and Azalia are deep in conversation, muttering to each other about some of the mistakes they may have made on the Charms exam. Alice looks to be trying to ignore them. That's pretty much how Remus feels. He doesn't want to think about it, he just wants to stand in line and distract himself until the moment comes for him to have the results in his hands - then he'll panic. He just wants to know that he passed first year because it would be rather embarrassing if he didn't.
"Hey, Alice." It's gotten easier to be the one to initiate conversations since being at Hogwarts. Remus learned pretty quickly that most people felt the same as him - scared and excited and just wanting to fit in. "Any summer plans?"
"Mmm not really. Frank and Azalia are staying for a week in August and I'll probably spend most of my time with Barty..." There's a grimace in the corner of her lips that Remus doesn't get the opportunity to ask her about before she's speaking again. "What about you? Are you going anywhere nice?"
"Sirius invited me to stay with him at some point, but I'm not sure how easy that will be. I am going back to Wales though, which will be nice because I'll be able to see my old primary school friends. I miss them." He thinks of Cara and her reluctance to smile whenever Remus cracks a joke that she finds funny. Felix who still, after five years, hasn't realised two of his best friends fancy him. And then there's Marie... She's one of the nicest people Remus has ever met, as well as one of the prettiest with her golden-blonde hair and sky-blue eyes. He might have missed her the most.
"That sounds lovely. Would you like to tell me about them?" Alice asks. Remus realises why Frank is so taken with her. When you're talking to her or asking for her attention, she won't just give it to you. No, she makes sure you know you own it. He is pretty sure if Frank came over now and took her hand, she still wouldn't move her eyes away from Remus. Alice makes it known that she cares, she is listening to whatever it is you have to say, and not just because she feels she has to, but because she wants to.
"It's actually just hit me... I've never told anyone about them before," Remus frowns. He gazes down at Alice, feels like he is melting under her adamant stare, and sighs. His lips curl upwards as he divulges everything about his friends back home.
Alice listens. She nods at the right times and laughs during the funny parts. He tells her about Easter, what happened with his chocolate, when he found out Felix's Coke had exploded in the middle of Church.
McGonagall starts allowing students in one by one. Peter is the first to go in, with a small shove from Lily. She sinks with relief at the sight of her own empty-of-Peter shoulder. Peter comes out, still worried, a layer of sweat shining on his face. He, Remus, Sirius and James all made a deal to open their results together.
Lily goes in next and exits the office beaming brighter than the literal sun, informing Remus that she got almost full marks on all of them. Mary follows after her, then Marlene, James, Frank, Azalia, Sirius, Alice, and finally Remus.
As soon as he's left the office, his three friends crowd around him, each with their piece of paper in hand. At once, without a countdown, like they are reading each other's minds, they unfold them.
Remus Lupin - First Year Examinations - /80
History of Magic [70]
Potions [77]
Herbology [70]
Astronomy [67]
Defence Against the Dark Arts [73]
Transfiguration [72]
Charms [75]
"Nice!" Sirius crows.
"Ooh, I passed everything," James does a little jump as he grins.
Peter groans. "I passed everything, but only just..."
"Yep, all passed," Remus says. He feels a bit self conscious about showing his results to the other boys. He hadn't expected them to be so high...
"Want to swap, Lupes?" Sirius asks with a waggle of his eyebrows.
"If it means you will never call me that again, then fine." He shoves his paper into Sirius' hands and is gifted the other boy's in return.
Bloody hell...
Sirius Tonks - First Year Examinations - /80
History of Magic [75]
Potions [75]
Herbology [74]
Astronomy [79]
Defence Against the Dark Arts [78]
Transfiguration [80]
Charms [80]
Remus finds himself spluttering, "You got full marks on Transfiguration and Charms?"
"Yeah, I was surprised too. I wanted to get full marks on Defence," Sirius tuts and passes Remus' results back to him. "Very good work, Remus! You'll make a Potioneer yet."
Remus opens his mouth to respond, when McGonagall comes out of her office, her eyes fixed on the four boys before her.
"Oh, Mr Tonks," McGonagall's eyes land on Sirius, "I was about to come and find you. There is something else I would like to talk to you about, now that you have your results."
"Okay..." Sirius' eyebrows bend in confusion and... worry, Remus thinks. He passes his paper to James to look after and follows the older witch back into her office. Remus hears Sirius ask if he's done something wrong. He doesn't catch the answer though before the door closes in the three remaining boys' faces. Everyone else left to celebrate when they got their results.
"Do you think he'll be okay?" James queries, head turning in Remus' direction.
"He didn't... cheat did he?"
"Of course, he didn't cheat, Peter," Remus snaps. He feels a bit bad about it but honestly he can't believe Peter would even insinuate that Sirius would do something like that. He doesn't need to do something like that. Remus has seen him in class, seen his perfect essay results that he rushed on the way to their lessons, noticed how Sirius is a bloody genius. It's a bit frustrating most of the time, actually.
It takes fifteen minutes of them waiting outside, Peter resigned on the marble floor, James pacing up and down the corridor, and Remus leant up against the stone wall, before Sirius is released. Ugh, he's making it sound like Sirius is getting set free from jail or something. Sirius Tonks would not survive jail.
His face is a bit red and his eyes look glassy, but there are no other signs indicating that Sirius may have been crying.
James goes right over to him, grabbing his shoulders gently, and asks him what happened.
Sirius is mute, only shaking his head slowly. He doesn't look at James and instead stares off into space, somewhere else.
"Sirius," Remus says and just like that- Sirius snaps out of it. He blinks and grins, showing off all his teeth.
"What are we still doing here? Come on, we all passed! We might as well be second years already! Let's go celebrate!" Sirius shuffles out of James' grip and starts off down the corridor. James helps Peter off the floor and the three of them share a look of unease before following their friend.
They all know Sirius by now. He's an open book, until he isn't. He loves sharing things about himself, loves talking. Merlin, does he love talking- sometimes a bit too much if you ask Remus. It isn't frequent that Remus finds Sirius reluctant to share something with them. He's come to learn that when Sirius doesn't want to to share something with them, he won't. Not until forced to, but Remus doesn't want to do that. That doesn't feel very friend-y. So, he drops it and Peter and James do the same.
If it's really important, it'll come up at some point in the future and they can deal with it then.
Sunday - 28th May, 1972
Remus isn't coping so well. Tonight is another full moon and his body really got the memo. He's not sure how he can tell the difference, but he knows he doesn't feel seizure-y, just wolf-y. He isn't sure which he would prefer at this point. His knees and hips crack every time he moves, like an old man, and his back feels like someone is poking a hot rod in between each of his vertebrae. Sweat has cumulated over his face and palms, dampening his hair.
He doesn't want to be in his dormitory right now. Frank and Peter are playing Exploding Snap and every time there's an explosion, Remus feels his head splitting. He growls whenever the pain itches it's way behind his eyes. Sirius keeps glancing over at him, concern written out blankly over his face. James is the same- always watching him.
Remus thinks James knows. He isn't certain, but he still predicts he's right. The thing is... James hasn't stopped trying to be his friend, hasn't distanced himself from Remus. Even now, he isn't watching him with fear or horror in his eyes. Remus can't even find pity there. It's more... determination? Maybe? Or perhaps reassurance, though Remus isn't sure what James would be reassuring him about.
Still, it's better than Sirius' concern. Sirius wears his emotions easily and on display; they are so loud and bright and colourful, so shameless. Sometimes Remus finds it difficult to look at Sirius for this very reason. He's personally always had trouble talking about his own problems, finding it easier to talk to other people about their issues. But Sirius cares so much. He cares about everyone around him.
Remus hates that because he doesn't want this problem to be acknowledged. He wants to hide it because he is ashamed. If Sirius finds out what he is... Remus isn't sure he would be able to cope with it. Even if Sirius accepts him, he doesn't think he could survive the strength of Sirius' pity, nor his concern. He wishes sometimes, as selfish and horrible as it may sound, that Sirius could be more detached like him. Or even subtle like James.
James is a whole other case. He isn't afraid to show his emotions- or, well, he is. If he's happy, he'll shine like the sun. If he's upset, he'll fade into the shadows. If he's excited, he'll make sure everyone knows it. The problem with James is he controls his level of feeling his emotions based on those around him. With Remus, he's more open simply because Remus told him he could be. With Sirius, he will allow him to see what he is feeling, but only to some extent. He won't lay it all out in front of him, too afraid it will burden him. With Peter and Frank, James only shows half of himself. The half he gives out to strangers. The piece of James Potter that doesn't have a haunted past, that doesn't fault himself for the death of an old friend, that doesn't plague himself with having a werewolf for a best friend.
He's James Potter. Sunshine boy. Happy boy. The Potter heir.
Remus finds it easier in this moment to look at James than he does Sirius because he knows James is showing all of his thoughts on his face. And all Remus sees is reassurance. Determined reassurance. True and honest as it is.
It almost makes him forget about ripping himself apart underneath the full bloomed moon.
He gets up now. It isn't time to go to the infirmary yet, not time to head off to the shack, but he can't be in here for any longer. It's too loud and the fire is burning too bright. The air is too thick because it's summer and none of the five boys in the room have thought to crack open a window.
"Remus?" Sirius asks, checking if he's okay with only his name.
"M'fine, Sirius," Remus attempts a smile that ends up feeling more like a grimace. "Just going to go see Poppy. Not feeling well."
"Want me to come?" James speaks now.
"No, mate. I know the way."
It's a struggle getting down the stairs, he won't lie there. His back pop, pop, pops every time he tries to stand straight. He would have fallen on his face from the last step if it wasn't for Lily catching him. He doesn't know where she came from, she literally just- appears out of nowhere. A bit like when one of the other boys remove the invisibility cloak and they blink out of thin air.
"Remus?" Lily's sweet voice calls. "You don't look too good, Remus... What's wrong?"
"Poppy," he mumbles, fully leaning on Lily now for support. Maybe he should have let James come with him.
"Marls, tell Mary I'll be up in a bit, okay?" Lily says and, for a second, Remus is confused. Did she call him Marls? Marls..Marls..Marls...? Marlene?
"Is Marlene here?" He asks groggily. Wow, he really doesn't feel... "Lily... I think I'm going to be sick..."
"Oh, goodness, uhm... Remus? Rem-" She lets out a panicked groan. Remus hates that sound. No, no. Did he cause that? He doesn't want to scare Lily. Ever. "Come on- let's- go."
Lily sounds far away, but Remus can tell she's struggling with something. Something heavy. Is it him?
He blinks his eyes open blearily. The world looks strange. It's sharper because the wolf is closer, but it's also unnaturally blurry in a way that makes him feel nauseous. His stomach turns and he suddenly remembers why he had closed his eyes in the first place.
It takes them a long time to tackle the stairs, with Lily doing most of the work. Remus hopes he isn't sweating all over her. His limbs feel like jelly, twitching every now and then. He's worried. Not for himself, but for Lily. If she can't get him there in time...
No. He had been heading off early anyway. There's still an hour until the moon. There must be.
"Woah," Remus hears a second voice. It's high like Lily's but Remus gets the impression it's a boy's voice... one he's heard before. "Who drugged him?"
"Shut up, Crouch!" Lily snaps. "That- isn't- what-"
"What happened to him, Evans?" A voice (not Barty Crouch's) sounds. Remus thinks he hears worry radiating through it.
"Like you care. You hate his lot, Black. Now back off, I need to get him to Madam Pomfrey."
Remus feels something else shift beneath him and suddenly Lily isn't so slumped underneath him. They have stopped though, he notices. Not good, his mind sings.
"What are you doing ?"
"Helping. What does it look like I'm doing, Evans?" Regulus Black.
"Whatever, just-"
There's no more talking from there. Remus feels strange. This doesn't happen a lot. He doesn't always just- collapse. He usually feels like crap and limps his way to the infirmary, or feels too energetic for his own good. This is odd because he doesn't know why it happens since it's only occurred a handful of times over the years.
It's not quite a seizure. He isn't out of it or shivering all over. His eyes aren't violently fluttering behind his eyelids. He twitches every now and then and he loses control over his own body movements, but he's still conscious. Honestly, this might be more terrifying than the seizures. At least with them, he can pretend they're not happening by forcing himself to dream. This is so much worse because he can hear and he can feel and he can open his eyes and see and feel- he feels sick.
He is taken by surprise when he evaluates the situation in his head. Maybe he is dreaming... maybe he is having a seizure and he is dreaming... except, he usually dreams of the farm. He is just so taken aback over the fact that the two people currently working together to get him to Poppy are Lily Evans and Regulus Black. Such an unlikely duo.
Remus feels his ears pop from the pressure of trying to lift his own head. It's no use. He's limp like a bloody corpse.
He'll admit it... he's afraid. He is so afraid right now. It's frightening not being able to control your own body or being able to move. Remus trusts Lily not to use this to her advantage, but he isn't so sure about Regulus... he might decide to drop Remus on his face at any moment. And Remus wouldn't be able to stop him. He is reliant on these two right now. Not because he wants to be or because he chose to trust them, but because they are the ones that are here, and that frightens Remus so much he can't breathe.
"Oh, Remus..." Poppy calls from somewhere not so far away. Relief floods through his bones and blood and skin. If he had the energy, he thinks he would cry.
"I don't know what happened to him," Lily explains frantically, "he just sort of... dropped, but he's still awake. He's been responding. I don't think it's another seizure though."
Remus feels the weight of gravity relieved from him, as he floats through the air and lands on something soft. Presumably, a bed.
"What happened to him?" Regulus repeats, though Remus assumes he is now asking the medi-witch.
"It isn't your concern," is the answer he gets before Poppy shoos them away. She does have the decency to thank them first.
"P-p-po-" Remus grumbles.
"Oh, Remus," she says again. "I'm so sorry, darling, but I- we have to go now or it will be too late."
"Ye- ye- ssss" He tries, but it's really difficult. He hopes he doesn't wake up tomorrow still in this state. It would be really upsetting if he lost his ability to move or speak or both.
"It's alright," she murmurs. Poppy does this the entire way to the shack, Remus floating beside her as she speaks sweet nothings to him. "Don't be afraid, my darling. You're going to be just fine. I'm here... I'm here-"
He ponders on that as he floats. Don't be afraid. It's such a ridiculous thing to say to someone in a state as difficult and as horrifying as his. Don't be afraid. As if he is simply walking into another exam or standing at the edge of a very tall building. Don't be afraid. Like he hasn't lost the ability to move and isn't about be torn apart from the inside out until he is a literal werewolf.
Don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid.
Don't be-
***
James
Shortly after Remus stumbles out of the dormitory, Frank leaves to go and meet the girls. Sirius and James have been having a silent conversation. It goes something like this: We shouldn't have let him go alone, should we? No, but he asked us not to go with him and it's his choice... We should have gone. Yes, we should have. Crap. Yes, crap, indeed.
"What are you guys staring at each other like that for?" Peter, who is suddenly at Sirius' side, looks as pale as Nearly Headless Nick. "I- you know, don't you?"
James and Sirius share a look. Know what?
Peter catches this and sighs, running a frustrated hand through his hair in a very James-like way. "Remus... he's always disappearing. Always ill. Haven't you noticed?" When he is only met with silence and blank stares, he huffs. "Remus is always ill on the full moon!"
"You know ?" Sirius blurts out.
"And you know?"
"Me and James figured it out a few months ago, yeah. How long have you known? And how did you..."
"Believe it or not, but I do have observational skills, Sirius. I was the first person to notice Frank and Alice getting all cutesy. I've also noticed that Lily has a thing for James, and-"
"Wait, what ?" James sputters.
"Not the time, James, anyway... I started realising that there was a pattern in March. When I was revising for the Astronomy exam, I found out about the moon and it's phases and it just sort of... clicked over Easter. I didn't know what to do though, because if I was wrong then I was so wrong. But if I was right... well, then that means that..." Peter swallows. "I wanted to wait until you guys figured it out."
"You know there's nothing wrong with it, right, Pete?" Sirius settles a hard glare on Peter. James shifts in his seat uncomfortably. "He's still our Remus."
"I know that. Merlin, have some faith in me," Peter snaps. Sirius promptly shuts his mouth and even James is taken aback. Peter has never been so... confronting. Especially not to Sirius, who he idolises. "We all know now, so we should tell him, right? He's- well, as you said Sirius, he's our Remus and we need to let him know that he doesn't have to hide such a big part of himself from us anymore."
Sirius and James stare at Peter. James has never loved Peter so much. In fact, he can't stop himself from walking over to Sirius' bed where the other two are sitting and throwing his arms around Peter.
"You're an amazing friend, Pete," James whispers. "I don't think I tell you that enough."
"You don't," Peter says not unkindly, just matter-of-factly. "You are too, James. And Sirius. Come on, get in here. Get your Peter love for free while you can."
Sirius laughs and wraps his arms around them both. James sighs contently. He realises for the first time how giant his trust is when it comes to these boys, and Remus and Frank. And the girls. He trusts them all. But especially Sirius, Peter and Remus.
It's time.
Slowly, James pulls away from the hug. His face must give something away because Sirius and Peter's previous concern for Remus is now being directed at him.
"James, what's wrong?"
"You know how I used to be a bit... er- quiet."
"Detached is the word I would use," Sirius says, pointing out a finger.
"Huh, I was thinking depressed," Pete adds.
"Well, yes, those too," James says with a small chuckle. "And then me and Remus had that talk when it got really bad-"
"Yes, back in January. We know this, James," Sirius interrupts, his voice low and soft. James gets the impression that Sirius understands the severity of what he is about to divulge to them.
"Right, well, I- There's something I think I am finally ready to tell you guys."
James takes a deep breath and feels as Peter and Sirius each take one of his hands for support. He squeezes them as a 'thank you', feeling so, so safe.
He finally tells them about Harry.
Wednesday - 31st May, 1972
The three of them decide not to tell Remus they know. They aren't lying. No, no, no. They just don't want to encumber him with the knowledge that they all know right before they have to part ways for three months.
Ugh, don't remind him.
James doesn't know what he will do with himself for the three months without his best friends. It's funny, the irony. He was afraid to go to Hogwarts, almost begged to be home-schooled, because he used to be so scared of opening himself up and allowing himself to bring new people into his life. And now look at him. He's crying in the bathroom with Remus, having one of their little meetings, but not for the normal reasons. It's quite the opposite actually. James doesn't want to go. He wants to stay here with Remus, Sirius, Peter and Frank. And Mary. He wants to laugh with Alice and Azalia about other people's poor dating lives. He wants to study with Remus and Lily in the library, giggle with Mary in the corridors, and talk to Marlene about Quidditch. He wants to sit in the common room with Remus and read together. To gossip with Pete about the students in the older years. He wants to plan and prank and sneak around with Sirius.
He wants and he wants and he just wants the world to pause right here, because this is good. This is what he's been waiting for even when he didn't realise that was what he was doing. He's been waiting for these people and now he's found them, he doesn't want to let them go, not even for only a little while.
"Hey! You two coming or are you really going to make me and Pete get our sweet, sweet justice without you?" Sirius yells through the door as if it's made of thick plastic instead of driftwood. James giggles as he wipes at his tears. He smiles at Remus, who is staring exasperatedly at the door.
"Let's go scare the magic out of some Slytherins," Remus mutters as he stands. He holds a hand out to James, who takes it. Remus is warm, just like he always is. James will miss that. He remembers how cold he always used to feel. Cold and dead and alone. Then, these stupid, ridiculous, wonderful boys chose him and the sun started to seep in through the cracks he'd gotten two years before. It started to fill him up, leaving him helpless to it. The sun fills his veins. He no longer minds when it forces him to glow, because it feels like home now.
It's the night before they have to catch the Hogwarts Express. Sirius suggested it would be a good idea to wait until now to get "payback" on the Slytherin boys on the last day, so that they would be waiting and expecting, and then maybe they would hope that the Gryffindors aren't going to retaliate. That's when they attack.
James isn't too fond of the word "attack", it just doesn't feel right. They're getting even, not attacking.
He and Remus join Sirius and Peter in the middle of the room. It's the last prank of this year, of their first year, but James knows it won't be their last overall. They'll all be back in three months.
"Are you ready?" Sirius asks, grinning at them all. He holds out a hand, reaching it towards the middle of the circle they've created, palm down.
"All for one," Peter says, placing his hand on top of Sirius'.
"And one for all," Remus' hand settles on Peter's.
The three boys stare at James as he finishes the hand-pile. He smiles and whispers, "United we stand, divided we fall." Just as they had back during one of those first hospital visits to Remus on Sirius' twelfth birthday.
"Gideon and Fabian sort of helped out with this one," Sirius turns towards the boxes that are piled behind them, "so we will be owing them one- or fifty."
"They're definitely safe?" James questions. He doesn't sound worried like he might have once, now he's just making sure. If they need him to be, he'll be the boring one who keeps them in line... to an extent.
"Yep, promise. They're Garters, so they aren't harmful," Sirius promises with a confident beam and James trusts him.
"Will they have gone down to dinner yet?" Peter asks, checking his watch. "It's two minutes until six."
"Should be," Remus chimes in, rubbing his hands together. "Right, I'll levitate them with Sirius. We're not changing that?"
"Nope, you're right, Remus."
"Okay, should we levitate them first and then throw the cloak on?" James is the one to speak then. They decide to levitate and then make them invisible.
"I've already transfigured them, so we don't need to worry about doing it when we're there. Pete helped when you two were crying together in the bathtub," Sirius nods towards the bathroom.
"We weren't-" Remus starts and then gives up. "Never mind. Let's do this."
"What colour did you go with in the end?" James questions Sirius. They've finally managed to get past the obstacles that are the Hogwarts staircases and are now wandering along the ground floor corridor, towards the dungeons. Peter and James are on watch to make sure there are no teachers or students, ghosts or Peeves lingering around here somewhere. Or worse - Filch and Mrs Norris to come and catch them.
"Some blue and some black and yellow. I did some research, so they'll be mimicking Taipans. Those are deadly."
James shivers. "Usually, I don't mind them, but the thought of deadly ones..."
"Yeah... It's not a nice visual, is it?" Sirius agrees with a small tut.
They make it to the dungeons and have to wait for someone to come out of the common room, for them to go in. They hide behind one of the corners of the labyrinth that is the dungeons. It doesn't take long before Amycus Carrow, of all people, comes catapulting out of the portrait and starts legging it in the direction of the Great Hall. James looks at Peter's watch. Amycus is twenty minutes late to dinner.
The portrait remains open long enough for them to squeeze through. Luckily, no Slytherins are in the common room. Peter spots the stairs first and starts up the left ones on instinct, probably because the Gryffindor boys' dorms are on the left. He's right. They all run up there as quickly as they can without dropping the invisible crates.
It takes them a few minutes to locate the first year dormitories, but when they do they don't waste any time. It's empty.
Sirius and Remus set up the crates under each bed, hissing slashes from within them, making Peter jump back so harshly that he almost knocks James onto a bed. The other boys say it would be best if he sits back and lets them do it, just because they're on a time crunch.
James grabs his cloak and sets time spells on the mini (non-harmful) detonators on the boxes. Remus and Sirius had spelled a small protective charm on each Garter anyway, just in case. Extra safety precautions and all that. Their old DADA professor would be so proud!
While Sirius and Remus finish trying to obscure the boxes behind things under the Slytherin boys' beds (which isn't difficult for the one in the corner that has piles of clothes and rubbish and... is that? Yep, mouldy food - James gags), James' eyes explore the room.
Closest to the untidy bed is one surrounded by Quidditch posters, all Puddlemere. The next bed has Barty Crouch written all over it - literally. Carved into the wooden frame are the initials B.C.J., E.C.R., R.A.B., P.L.R., D.A.M., along with Barty Crouch Junior and Junior etched all over the poles that work to hold up the canopy.
James wonders whose initials are D.A.M.
The final bed is by far the tidiest. There aren't many personal things around it, but he wouldn't call it bleak. Simple maybe, but in an aesthetic way. There are two small postcards stuck above the pillows, on the back wall. They're of some museum- James doesn't know much about museums, so he's not sure where it is. On the small bedside table there are old letters, with creases so abused that James finds himself wondering how many times they have been reread. Beside the letters, there's a journal.
The initials R.A.B. pressed into the black leather of the bind, squiggled in shiny silver.
"All done," Sirius claps his hands together, making James jump. He turns around and holds out the cloak.
They slip under the cloak easily, huddling together. Remus only has to hunch down a little bit, though James imagines in the coming years they'll find it more and more difficult to get them all under here, especially Remus. He's such a lamppost.
It's another twenty minutes or so until they hear voices bouncing up the staircase. They make sure they're comfortable enough so that they won't have to move and risk making a noise. Sirius reassures Peter that there's a barrier around them, so the snakes can't get to them. Even if they could, they aren't dangerous.
The door opens. From their corner, James watches as Barty bounds in first, shortly followed by Evan and then Regulus. Amycus follows them in, but there's an obvious distance between him and the other boys. Barty hops onto his bed right away. James was right, his is the one covered in initials and his name - a bit obvious, that. Amycus settles on the bed surrounded with dirty clothes and... other unpleasant things.
Evan sits on his bed (the one surrounded by Quidditch posters) and, as soon as he does this, Barty jumps up from where he was on his own bed and goes over to Evan's, settling down beside the other boy. Evan rolls his eyes, but doesn't tell him to go away. James almost chuckles at the way they remind him of Sirius and Remus. Just a little bit.
"I can't believe it's been a year already," Barty groans as he stretches like a cat, almost knocking Evan off his own bed.
"It's gone so fast," Evan says, poking at Barty's side, making him burst out giggling.
"Really? It's felt slow to me," Regulus speaks in a voice so... not-Regulus that it takes James off-guard. The Slytherin turns to his friends, sitting on his own bed, and smiles. A nice, proper (James would even say soft ) smile. "That's a good thing. It's better here than being at home."
"You can say that again," Barty grumbles. "Shout it from the astronomy tower, actually."
"No."
"Yeah, didn't think so, that was a bit optimistic for you, Reggie."
Reggie?
Regulus just rolls his eyes, no bite behind it, only tender affection for his friend.
"You know I hate it when-"
BANG!
Everyone flinches, Evan is knocked off his bed and scrambles to get back up on his feet at the sight of the bright-coloured, deadly-looking snakes. He practically flies up onto his mattress, joining Barty once again, who is screaming at the top of his lungs. They both stand up on the bed, clearly trying to stretch as much distance between them and the snakes as possible.
Amycus flings himself from his mattress and out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
Sirius stands beside James, trying his best not to laugh. He's got a hand over his mouth - Remus'. James must have missed Sirius laughing, which is good, it means the Slytherins probably didn't notice it either.
Regulus stares down at the creatures slithering from underneath his bed. For a second, shock crosses over his face and he starts to lean into the centre of his bed, and then... His expression clears and is replaced with amusement.
What?
"Barty! Barty! Oh, for Merlin's- BARTEMIUS!" Regulus shouts over all the chaos (and Barty's shrill screams). He's now clutching at Evan like if he could climb on top of his friend, he would be safe.
Barty's screams calm down to a low whimper. Evan's eyes are wide with fear, he hasn't taken them off the slithering snakes.
"They aren't real, just- look at them," Regulus yells, pointing at one of the snakes. If you look at it carefully, really focus on it, the brown of the Garter snake pokes through - the little snitch. James hears Sirius practically groan, but it's muffled by Remus' hand.
Regulus leans down and picks one up, examining it from up-close. James is... amazed. He wouldn't pick up a snake if someone paid him to do it.
"See? It's a Garter. Trust me, we have them in the garden back home. I don't know why, they aren't even indigenous to England, but we do. Probably some old curse or a spell that went wrong."
"How could..." Barty croaks, his voice ruined from screaming for so long. "How could you tell?"
"It's face, it's too flat and sort of diamond-y to be the type of snake this one is trying to imitate. Plus, it's scales are brown underneath, look- Oh my- Barty! They aren't dangerous, just take the bloody snake!" He holds it out in Barty's face, suddenly across the room. James hadn't realised Regulus had even moved, too astonished at the boy for being smart enough- brave enough to risk it.
Barty flinches back, hiding behind Evan.
Evan tuts and jumps off his bed, standing beside Regulus, leaving Barty trembling and alone on the bed. "Honestly, you're a Slytherin and you're afraid of snakes?"
"I can't help it, okay?" Barty complains. "I almost got bit by one when I was a baby! They hate me!"
Regulus and Evan take one look at each other and start laughing at their friend. Regulus places the snake that was in his hand on the bed next to Barty's feet. He yells and literally hops mid-air onto Evan. He wraps around him like a frightened monkey refusing to let go.
"Mphf-" Evan mumbles. "Barty- what-?"
"Don't let them get me, please. It isn't funny- it's not- Evan," Barty whines. "How the bloody fuck did they even get in here?!"
Regulus' head snaps suddenly in the direction of his friends, eyes far away and frown lines around the corners of his mouth, like when he's thinking too hard. His face relaxes into realisation and James knows they're done for.
"Ignorant Gryffindors," Regulus hisses, sounding startlingly similar to the snakes still writhing along the hardwood floor. "Cowards, they waited until the last day so we couldn't do anything back. They better not have stolen anything. Bunch of stupid bloody marauders."
James feels himself droop along with the three other boys under the cloak. He prays that they aren't found, but knows that may be too hopeful. Their prank failed- sort of. His hope kind of just ran out of the door alongside Amycus' dust.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
Bydd y rhai sy'n llusgo eu traed yn gweld nad ydyn nhw'n symud bron mor gyflym â'r rhai sy'n ymdrechu i gerdded yn dalach = Those who drag their feet will find they aren't moving nearly as fast as those who put the effort in to walk taller (Welsh)
mam = mother (Welsh)
cariad = sweetheart (Welsh)
cerdded yn dalach = walk taller
(I used google translate, sorry if it's inaccurate)MENTIONS:
-mary and marlene playing slaps <3
-alice fortescue existing xx
-I wonder what McGonagall and Sirius spoke about?
-"Sirius Tonks would not survive jail" - I had to
-not remus wishing sirius could be more detached in the one universe he is not..
-lily and regulus uniting together to help remus>>
-poppy :(
-the boys all know! never underestimate peter pettigrew... 👀
- the whole "you know?" "and you know?" part is giving FRIENDS
-not peter outing lily to james..pfft..
-james finally opened up to his boys about harry :(
-james is my precious child and i need you all to love him forever.
-dorcas' initials being D.A.M. is the best thing i've ever come up with.
-I love the idea of the marauders seeing the slytherins unfiltered around each other, it brings me joy <3
-regulus is too smart for an eleven-year-old
-not barty screaming..
-regulus throwing the snake on the bed 💀
-THE MARAUDERS!! FINALLY! I'VE BEEN WAITING AGES TO SAY IT! (i love how regulus was the one to come up with it.. he's going to HATE IT when they start going around calling themselves that, and it's kind of all his fault..😬)one "first year" chapter to go (it's the summer, but i'm still counting it as first year)!! I can't believe how quickly we got here.. wow. ily guys, thanks for reading!! share with your friends <3
SHOUTOUT TO MAYA who came up with the snake prank plan months ago <3 ty ily
Chapter 15: First Year: Black
Summary:
The Slytherin boys sort out their Amycus problem.
Summer begins!
Regulus overhears a family secret that was hidden from him.
Remus visits Cornwall!
Andromeda's past keeps coming back to her.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-more snakes (a continuation of last chapter)
-manipulation (but it's kind of funny..)
-brief mention of past child abuse
-a child is slapped
-child abuse scars mentioned (also briefly)
-VERY BRIEF mention of bloodThat sounds awful. It's not, I promise. Some interesting things happen in this chapter, so have fun!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I can't break the cycle, am I just a fool?
Falling down like dominoes, hit by family jewels
Pass it down from kid to kid, the chain will never end
'Less I decide to go to it, will I see the end?
~ MARINA
Wednesday - 31st May, 1972
Regulus
"What are we going to do about it?" Barty asks, eyes trained on Regulus. It's baffling to him whenever this happens - Barty or Evan looking at him for advice, as if he is superior. They're all equal. If anyone is superior in anything, it's Barty with his annoying propensity to befriend almost anyone. Then again, he isn't the first person who would come to Regulus' mind when searching for advice. Evan has a clearer head than Barty does, but he tends to keep his thoughts to himself most of the time, so maybe Regulus is the right person to turn to in moments like these...
Regulus picks up the lone snake, still squirming on Evan's bed, and clasps it a little tighter in his hand than he had before, not enough to hurt it. He isn't cruel. Just enough to make sure it doesn't try to escape. Then, without saying anything at all, he steps around the netting of snakes that are overlapping each other, covering almost every inch of floor, and walks out of the door.
He hardly notices Barty calling after him, not until he and Evan have caught up with Regulus in the common room.
"Where are you going? Regulus?" Barty waves a hand in front of his face. "Evan, I think he's broken- or been bitten-" He flinches dramatically away from the snake, still in Regulus' grip.
"I haven't been bitten," Regulus bites perhaps a little too harshly. He keeps walking, through the portrait, taking a right down the corridor, deeper into the dungeons. "I'm going to find Slughorn."
"Why?" Evan is the one who speaks this time. He had been so hushed up, Regulus almost forgot he was there.
"We can't snitch!" Barty clamours. "Have you lost your mind?"
"I'm not snitching. I have an idea, just... follow my lead."
They come to a halt outside of Slughorn's office door. Regulus lifts his hand - the one that doesn't have a snake in it's fist - and raps the mahogany wood three times. There's the sound of shuffling from inside and then a heaved sigh. When the door opens, Slughorn greets them with a false cheery smile (Regulus gazes into the room behind the man and finds that apparently, he had just been getting ready to settle down with a glass of scotch before going to bed), accoutred in his lilac, silk dressing gown.
The three boys eye him up and down.
Regulus clears his throat and then holds up the snake, leaving it only an inch or two from Slughorn's face. He warps his own expression into that of disturbance and distress. "Something has happened! Oh, Professor, it was awful! We all came straight back to our dormitory after dinner and when Amycus came in- well, he must have done something! Snakes !" He holds the rattling snake up again, higher this time to really punctuate his point. "Everywhere! In our beds and under our beds!"
Barty and Evan seem to catch on, both bouncing their heads up and down. Barty starts shaking and Regulus isn't convinced it isn't real.
"Snakes are my worst fear, Professor," Barty whines, big eyes shining with unshed tears. "I told him last week, he must have thought it would be funny."
"He did," Evan nods. "He told me he was going to do it, but I thought he was joking!"
"Amycus set dozens of stray snakes off in our room, Professor!" Regulus complains, making his voice sound as whiny and childish as possible, while also managing to retain a healthy amount of dignity. He passes the snake to Slughorn, who takes it wearily. Why is everyone so afraid of a little snake?
"Oh... I see," Slughorn mumbles. He looks like he's just been hit with a stunner spell. He shakes his head and opens the door further, beckoning the three boys in. "You poor things. I will get this sorted for you right away! If this is how Mr Carrow treats his dorm mates, then he cannot and should not be allowed back there again!"
"Yes, sir," Regulus says softly, "we were thinking the same thing."
"Now, I could swap him with Mulciber-"
"No !" The three of them yell in unison, startling the older man. "It's just..." Regulus continues for them all. "They are all friends, you see. They have never liked us and if they find out we told you- that we snitched, well... it wouldn't go too well for us. I think it would be best to just keep them all away from us, Professor Slughorn. For our safety, of course."
Regulus isn't sure where these manipulation skills came from, but he's realising he might have to try whipping them out at home and see if they work on Walburga. He doubts it, but it's worth a shot.
"Of course," Slughorn nods. He sends a Patronus to wherever Amycus ran off to, demanding that he come to his office immediately. "I will keep your names out of it," Slughorn promises, "but you cannot go back to your room yet if there are snakes everywhere. How about you go and wait in your common room until this is all over? I will come and fetch you myself and see that it is sorted to. Alright?"
"Thank you, Professor Slughorn," Regulus sighs loudly. "You are the best professor here by far."
"Oh," Slughorn grins smugly and ducks his head as a polite sort of farewell. "Why, thank you, Mr Black. Now, off you go. Mr Carrow will be here soon."
"Certainly, sir."
"Thank you, Professor!"
"You're the best, Sluggy!"
As soon as they are around the corner and out of sight and ear-shot of Slughorn, they stop, they stare at each other, and then they start giggling.
"That was brilliant! Did you see his face?" Evan wheezes, holding onto his knees for support.
"How- when- What even was that, Regulus?" Barty cackles.
"I don't know," Regulus wipes at his eyes, tears of mirth staining his fingers. "It just sort of... came to me. Naturally." Well, that doesn't make you sound so good. "Manipulation came naturally... how lovely."
"Of course, it does!" Barty claps him on the back, having finally recaptured some of his own composure. "You're a Slytherin!"
"Yeah, it came to all three of us naturally," Evan agrees, standing up straight and leaning against the wall for support. His chest is rising and falling rapidly as he tries to catch his breath. "We didn't even hesitate."
"No, we didn't, did we?"
Evan shakes his head.
"Are we messed up?" Regulus asks. He almost starts laughing again at the insinuation in his tone that he isn't messed up.
"Just a little bit." Barty pinches his fingers together and Evan snorts. "All the best people are."
"At least we got rid of Carrow," Evan whispers.
Regulus' grin is bigger than it has been for a long time. "Yes. Yes, we did."
Saturday - 3rd June, 1972
It takes him until the third night back at Grimmauld Place before he attempts to sneak out. His mother is always too suspicious of him during the first couple of nights back. Watching him with her beady eyes like she thinks he's going to jump through the dining room window in the middle of dinner and escape. Where would he even go?
The very first thing he does when he tumbles in through the, somehow still broken, back window if the Victoria and Albert Museum, just as he always has, is talk to Reverie. He tells her about the replica of her back at Hogwarts and how the castle had managed to make an exact copy of the entire museum, down to all the finest details, the exact chips in each statue, and most meticulous brush strokes of a painting.
He tells her what it felt like coming back home to dingy, old Grimmauld Place in contrast to the magnificence of Hogwarts. She never replies, which brings him great comfort. The Black family madness hasn't claimed him yet. Although, he is talking to an inanimate object... so maybe it has.
He's not sure he would mind. Sanity is overrated.
Later on, when Regulus is making his way from room to room, he ends up in the red room. It's quite small and boxy compared to other parts of the museum, but it's one of his favourites. The walls are overcrowded with paintings to the point that if this wasn't an art museum and was just someone's house, he would dub them as having an obsession that is detrimental to their health. And that's saying a lot coming from him, who loves art more than he loves breathing.
As he enters the room, he is cornered by two rectangular, glass cases. One contains vases of different shapes and sizes and colours, and the other a few smaller statues than the ones in the entrance room of the museum. The biggest statue in the case is of a woman sitting in a chair, wearing a dress, and reading a book. It's simple, nothing too peculiar, nothing out of the ordinary. It's made of orange stone that Regulus could not name if he really tried.
It's simple, but it's powerful. He has come to learn that his favourite pieces of art are the mundane ones because they hold more magic than the ones of fairies and fiction. They show you real life, bare and raw and naked, just how it is. They present things to people that they can relate to. Their art is made to make people realise that this could be them. They could be the person being sculptured or painted or built. No matter how boring or plain or empty you think your life may be in contrast to those bright, colourful paintings of dancing frogs and magical siren women calling in sailors from the sea with simply their voices, you are full of more magic than they ever can be. Because you are real. If you were being sculptured or painted or built, it would be a document of history- and isn't that just so special?
Past the cabinets, in the centre of the room, there's a large, wooden piano. It's lid is always propped up, as if waiting for someone to come along and play it. It's a soft, oaky brown that has been painted on with golden paint, carving detailed flowers and swirls in the material. It's absolutely gorgeous and Regulus wishes he could steal it and take it home.
Not to Grimmauld - he wouldn't want to risk it there. Not with Walburga roaming about. No, he would want to take it to his own house, a place he could call home.
He's never played it. Not once. The most he's allowed himself to do is gently stroke along the smooth patterns on the side of the piano. He wouldn't do much more than that. It's too beautiful to just be touched. Regulus knows how to play, he can very well actually. But this piano was born only to be played by the very best and he just isn't that person. He's content with only ever admiring it.
He's also afraid of touching something so delicately beautiful because he doesn't want to taint it with hands that were made and carved out by Walburga Black.
Sunday - 4th June, 1972
Sometimes when Regulus feels very lonely at home, he'll stare out of one of the back windows. Behind Kreacher's white rose garden, there's a labyrinth. Regulus used to get lost between the hedges when he was little, that was until his mother banned him from going out there. He never has gotten the opportunity to learn his way through it. If he tried now, he'd probably only get lost again.
Still, he traces it with his eyes during the days he has nothing better to do. He watches, journeys and memorises every twist and turn, every angle and dead end. There's a map drawn into the back of his eyelids. Sometimes it tempts him to try and battle the labyrinth, but then he remembers that if he gets stuck in there, Walburga won't be too happy.
That's an understatement. She will be livid and will likely go about carving into his back once again.
Sometimes, he wonders if his back might one day mimic the maze with all of his twisted lines and straight-edged scars.
Today is one of the days when Regulus wishes he could spend it beside the window, memorising the turns of the maze. Unfortunately, Bellatrix and Narcissa have planned to come and welcome him home. Regulus is just relieved his mother only invited family around to celebrate his graduation of first year, rather than all of the sacred twenty-eight. He's sure she was tempted.
Then again, her son has done a lot to disappoint her this year. Regulus should be disappointed in himself for that, but sometimes he can't help but feel irritated by the fact that he gets punished for things beyond his control - like people getting better grades than him in class. At least his are higher than average.
Kreacher pops into his bedroom as he's buttoning his dress shirt, ready for dinner. He notifies him on the arrival of Regulus' cousins, to which he replies with a sigh. Regulus thanks the house-elf with a warm smile and finishes smartening himself up in the mirror. He combs his curls back enough so that they slide behind his ears. In his opinion, this makes him look puerile, but his mother always insists he wear it this way, demanding that it makes him look decorous.
Yes, decorous. Just like a vase.
Regulus steps down the stairs slowly and gently, hoping to prevent his mother from later punishing him for stomping down the stairs "like a herd of elephants". This usually acts as an advantage for him; people never know when he is coming because he practically glides across the floor.
He walks in the direction of the dining room, slouching until the second the door is within his reach.
Regulus isn't usually one to eavesdrop. Being nosy is not the way he was raised. Walburga normally ceases conversation until everyone is at the dinner table and the meals have been served. So, when he finds himself on the other side of the dining room door, listening to Bellatrix and Walburga's voices, he stops. He peers through the small crack in the door that has been left open.
"-year, weren't they?" Regulus only catches the tail-end of Bellatrix's question, so he isn't sure what she's asked. By the sound of it, she's speaking with his mother...
"Silence, Bellatrix! Regulus could be down any moment..." Walburga sighs. "Yes, they were. I do not see why this is relevant, Bellatrix. You swore never to speak of this. So, why are you now?" His mother's cold voice sends a chill through the room that comes spiralling out through the crack in the door, making Regulus shiver.
"There may be a chance he saw Andromeda-" Bellatrix continues, but is cut off as soon as she's said that name. Andromeda? Regulus has never heard it before.
"Stop talking, girl! What would your father do if he heard you speak your sister's name? He would see it fit to blast you off the family tapestry right along with her! You are lucky I am not so cruel." Regulus almost scoffs at that. He manages to restrain himself so as to not blow his cover. Bellatrix's sister?
"I am sorry, auntie," Bellatrix whispers, sounding properly scolded. It's always strange hearing Bellatrix this way; only Walburga and Cygnus (Bellatrix's father) have ever had the ability to scare Bellatrix. "And she is not my sister."
"No," Walburga agrees, "She is not."
It is then that Regulus makes himself known, pushing the door forward with a look of indifference on his face in place of his true curiosity. Since when did Bellatrix and Narcissa have another sister? Who is Andromeda?
Who was Andromeda?
"Good afternoon, cousins." He smiles politely at them both and holds back the temptation to roll his eyes when Bellatrix pinches his cheeks. Regulus is glad Lucius and Rodolphus are not here to witness it.
His mother is sat at the head of the table on the far side of the room, whilst his father (who managed to make it down the stairs today) is sitting at the head of the table closest to Regulus. Bellatrix and Narcissa are sat together on one side of the table, so Regulus places himself down on the opposite side, wanting to keep as much distance between himself and Bellatrix as possible.
"How is our little Reggiekins?"
"Fine," he speaks clearly, "and you, Bellatrix, how are you?"
"Fine," she mocks.
"Narcissa?" He turns to his better cousin.
"Delightful, thank you for asking." Narcissa shakes her head minutely, which Regulus takes to mean Do not provoke Bellatrix today, she is in one of her moods.
They'd learnt this form of communication back when Narcissa was nineteen and Regulus was only six. She had brought the idea up to him after a particularly horrible bashing by Bellatrix that even Walburga didn't care to stop. (Not that she cared about Regulus per say; her image has always been more important to her, and her only son being struck by her niece was not adequate behaviour for formal events.) Yes, this time, Regulus had been standing all over Bellatrix's dress and she'd slapped him right in the middle of a party.
She'd gotten him so hard, his cheek cracked with the pressure. Narcissa had pulled him out of there and into one of the upstairs rooms before the first drop of blood fell onto his white shirt, staining it.
"You have to be more careful, Regulus. Bella is... You know how Bellatrix is."
"But I didn't mean to. It was an accident."
"I know, sweetie, but Bella doesn't see it that way. How about whenever you're about to accidentally do something, I do this."
Narcissa had tapped two fingers over her open palm, which Regulus copied to show her he understood.
"That's it, yeah we'll- we'll do that."
She was always crying in the earlier years of Regulus' life, whenever they were alone. He never knew why, still doesn't. Probably because he's never asked. No matter who she marries, Narcissa will always be a Black, and Blacks do not speak of things as paltry as emotions.
Regulus spends the entire meal replaying the conversation he overheard between his mother and cousin. He wonders if he could find answers in the Black family library. There had been times in his childhood when Narcissa and Bellatrix would visit and there would be a noticeable gap between them, like they were waiting on someone to come back and reclaim it. Someone who never returned. It's not drifted away, that gap, nor has it ever been filled. If anything, over the years, it's grown rotten. Even if someone did try to fill it, the hole would only poison them now.
He memorises the name Andromeda like he retains the twists and turns of the labyrinth. If she does- did ever exist, and she was Bellatrix and Narcissa's sister, then she must have been called Andromeda Black. It isn't much to go off, but it's better than nothing.
Regulus thinks about what could have happened to her. What she could have done? If she died? Whatever it was, it had been bad enough that no one in their family ever mentioned it throughout the almost-twelve years Regulus has been alive. Not once has he ever heard someone speak about a third Black sister. Not once has he ever heard the name Andromeda Black.
A part of him is scared of Walburga discovering that he now knows of this Andromeda person. What would she do to him? She had frightened Bellatrix enough to shut her up. Uncle Cygnus has never seemed very frightening to Regulus, but he supposes he isn't his father, so he may not see what Bellatrix and Narcissa do. Similarly to how Walburga hides her rage in a drawing room before an ancient tapestry of a plagued family tree. What would Cygnus do to Regulus if he found out he was researching Andromeda Black?
***
Saturday - 24th June, 1972
Sirius
Sirius loves his mum. She is the best mum in the whole entire world and he doesn't understand how he got to be the one lucky child in the world to have her as his mother. Even when she is shouting at him, like right now, he can't help but be in awe of her.
He's sitting in the middle of his room, about to open his new letter from Remus, when Andy storms in. She stomps her boots across the floorboards, black hair billowing behind her. She bends down and snatches the letter out of his hand and then proceeds to point a finger in his face, letter and all.
"Sirius, you promised!"
"What?" He shrugs innocently.
She stands up straight and gestures her arms widely around his room, which- yes, okay, it may be a bit messy... Or a lot messy. If he's being honest, it almost resembles Carrow's bed back at Hogwarts. Now, that thought sparks some sudden motivation inside of him to clean his room as soon as humanly possible.
"You haven't even unpacked your Hogwarts trunk yet!" Andy picks it up, a couple of shirts and a single purple sock falls from on top of it and lands in a pile on the floor. She scrunches her nose at the mess and chucks the case in his arms. It lands with an oomf. "I raised you better than this, young man! I only pray to Merlin himself that you do not live like this at Hogwarts."
"Fine, I'll clean," he says and places his trunk on his bed. "But can you help me?"
"Sirius, it isn't my problem. You want to go see my room? It's spotless! I did my tidying like the good girl I am, now it's your turn. Until then, you can't have your letter."
"But, mum, that one's from Remus !" He stomps his foot in a stroppy manner.
Andy does falter for a second at this. She hasn't met Remus yet but Sirius has spent a lot of hours since returning from Hogwarts going on and on about his friend. He's hoping he can convince his parents to let him come and visit at some point during the summer. It's almost been a month (a month! ) since he's seen anyone from Hogwarts, except for Xeno. He's glad he has Xeno, otherwise he is not sure his attachment issues would be able to restrain themselves from throwing fits every five seconds.
"Okay, fine. I'll help you clean," she caves. Sirius is hoping for his letter back, but wilts as he watches his mum slide it into the back pocket of her jeans. "Clean first, letter after."
"Thank you," he smiles. His mum shakes her head and rolls her eyes fondly.
She doesn't so much as help, unless you count standing in the corner and pointing out crisp wrappers that Sirius missed under the bed as helping. Once the floor is visible again and the books he brought back from Hogwarts are organised in size order on his bookshelf, he goes over to his trunk.
His mum does help with this part. She complains about the smell coming from his dirty clothes. Sirius personally thinks she is being a bit dramatic - it isn't that bad.
"I still can't believe my son is a Gryffindor," she grimaces, slowly lifting a red and gold tie out of his trunk. Sirius elbows her with a scoff. She smirks at him. "I'm only joking. Honestly, I'm very proud of you, Sirius. Other than your hobo living habits, you're the perfect son."
"I am not a hobo!"
One of her eyebrows curves upwards as she sweeps a hand around his bedroom.
"Whatever, I-"
Sirius' hand hits something hard and smooth in his trunk. Beneath the piles of clothes and crumpled pieces of paper, he finds the mysterious black ball he had received anonymously for his birthday. Even now, all these months later, he doesn't know who got it for him.
He and Remus had guessed that it must have come from his mother's horrible family. Sirius hadn't thought they knew he existed. Remus' voice echoes in his head: Unless they do.
Sirius has tried his best not to think about it.
He pulls the ball out now and lets it rest heavily in his hand. It's still black - a good sign that he isn't in any danger, according to what Remus' dad found out about it. Apparently, if it starts to glow, it means Sirius is not safe. It was used a lot by family members in the Grindelwald wizarding war, when people were concerned about the people they cared about and needed a way of knowing they were okay.
Only old Pureblood families who insist on sticking to dead traditions give them out to their children on their first birthday after attending Hogwarts - or whatever wizarding school they attend.
Sirius stares at the ball and is about to place it on his mattress beside his trunk when his mum catches his wrist in her hand. He swivels his head to look at her, confusion breaking out on his face. Fear blooms in her eyes and she seems frozen for a long time.
"Mum?"
She inhales sharply, blinking, and drops Sirius' wrist. Slowly, she holds out a tentative hand and meets his eyes. A question. He passes the ball over to her and watches in silence as she inspects it. The fear never leaves her expression - if anything, it burns more fierce the longer she checks out the ball.
"Mum?" Sirius repeats.
"Where did you get this?" He's never heard her sound so small.
"Why?"
"Sirius," her voice is sharp, free of it's usual warmth. It startles him; she's never been anything but warm. Like spring time. He's never known his mum to be cold, but right now he thinks that if he exhaled, a plume of condensation would fall out with his breath. "Please, answer me."
"It was sent to me on my birthday. But it's not dangerous, mum. Remus asked his dad all about it and he said it's-"
"I know what it is," she cuts in, no colder than before but not warmer either. "I- I have one too."
"Who gave it to you?"
"My father."
"Oh," Sirius shrinks into himself. He doesn't recall ever experiencing this feeling before. It feels like his mum doesn't want him here. Like he reminds her of something she would do anything to forget. He hates it. "Mum..."
She must hear the fear in his own voice because her eyes snap away from the ball and land on him. His lip quivers and the usual spring-time warmth that he knows to associate with his mum returns to her eyes.
"I'm sorry, mon trésor." Andy reaches out and lays a hand on the side of her son's face. "I didn't mean to... frighten you. I never- I never wanted to make you afraid of me."
"I'm not," Sirius says firmly. "I'm not afraid of you, I could never be."
"I'm sorry," she whispers again. It's strange seeing the strongest person Sirius has ever known crack in front of him. Things she's hidden from him, from herself maybe, are threatening to spill out. He's almost in reach of them... Sirius doesn't try to touch them. Not if his mum isn't ready for him to. That isn't fair. "I just- I don't-"
"They sent it to me, didn't they?"
Andy swallows thickly and nods, tears shining in her eyes. "I don't who..." Something like recognition or realisation sparks in her eyes and then flickers out like the dying embers of a fire. "Orion."
"What?" Sirius frowns.
"No, nothing. Uhm, here." She pushes the ball back into Sirius' hand and smiles down at him. It's the first time he has ever seen this smile on her face. Because it isn't real, not at all. It's all fake and hidden behind layers of secrets. "You can turn it into jewellery, you know? And give it to someone special."
"I know," Sirius tries a smile too. He's sure it mirrors his mum's. Fake. "I've already promised it to Remus."
Andy raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement brings her grin to life. "Oh, really."
"Why? Did you want it? Sorry, I thought it would make more sense, since he's always closest and I- What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Sirius squints his eyes suspiciously.
"Like what?" She smirks.
"Like that!"
"I'm not doing anything-"
"Yes, you are!"
"Come on." Taking Sirius' wrist more gently this time, she leads him to the staircase. "What do you want to turn it into?"
"You'll help me?" He beams, surprised his mum would go out of her way to associate herself with something sent from her family.
"Of course."
"Oh, thank you. I was thinking a necklace. It's not so noticeable, so he can tuck it under his shirt if he wants to."
"That's what I chose to do with mine."
"Really?" Sirius perks up as they make their way down to the bottom floor. "Who did you give it to?"
She smirks again in that way that Sirius doesn't understand. Then, digging her hand in her back pocket, she fishes out Remus' letter, passing it back to him. "Your dad."
Wednesday - 5th July, 1972
It's almost two weeks later when Remus finally does visit Port Isaac for the first time. Sirius made sure to leave at least a week between the full moon and Remus having to travel down to him. The perfect amount of recovery time.
Remus' mum does the four and a half-hour drive with him to get there. Sirius always forgets that Remus lives in a whole different country to the rest of them. He misses the little game they played every day where Remus would teach him a new Welsh word. He's dedicated an entire notebook to it. So far, he's managed to cover six whole pages with single words.
It hits Sirius that he has never actually met Remus' mum before. When he watches her stepping out of the front of their little, grey car, Sirius starts fidgeting. He isn't sure why he is so nervous. It's only Remus' mum. He is sure she is lovely.
Hope Lupin is the complete opposite of Andromeda Tonks. Her hair is bright blonde and so shiny, Sirius' eyes almost melt out of his head at the mere sight of it. She has deep brown eyes, just like her son's, and is shorter than any woman Sirius has ever seen. Her twelve-year-old son almost overtakes her in height already. She is dressed in a flowy summer dress and pretty, yellow sandals. Sirius can't even imagine his mum wearing those. The thought makes him laugh.
Remus climbs out of the passenger seat and Sirius feels his heart pick up. He's missed his boys so much. Remus waves at him and wanders around the back of the car to grab his bags. He's dressed up in a woolly jumper, even though it's thirty degrees outside. Honestly, Sirius doesn't understand how his friend hasn't passed out from heatstroke. He isn't even wearing shorts! Instead, he's wearing blue, pipe jeans and a pair of tattered, black boots that Sirius doesn't remember seeing him wear at Hogwarts.
The two Lupins make their way over to where Sirius and his parents are waiting at the front door. Sirius has always been impatient by nature, so when he feels the urge to run up to Remus and squeeze him into the biggest hug he's ever given anyone, he does.
He chucks his arms around his friend's shoulders, breathing in the scent of hot, flaming wood and chocolate. It hits him then that they haven't ever properly hugged before.
"Oh-" Remus lets out a sound like he's just been punched in the gut and then slowly brings his arms around Sirius. "Hello, there."
"You're here!" Sirius whispers excitedly.
"Really? I hadn't noticed."
Sirius pulls back and gently hits Remus' shoulder, tutting. "It's too early for the sarcasm, Lupes."
"It's never too early for sarcasm and please, please stop calling me that," Remus groans.
Sirius ignores him, promptly turning on the spot and slapping on the best smile he owns. "Mrs Lupin, it is lovely to meet you." He holds out a hand for her to take and when she does he presses a small kiss to her knuckles.
She chuckles at him and raises an eyebrow at Remus, who watches the scene with poorly hidden disgust. "Oh, you're polite, aren't you?" Her accent is much stronger than Remus' is, probably because Remus' had faded slightly over the long months spent at Hogwarts. "I wish I could get my son to greet people like this."
"You want me to go around kissing strangers' hands?" Remus asks flatly.
Hope snorts. "It is very nice to meet you, Sirius," she finally says, ignoring her son. "You can call me Hope."
"Brilliant! Well, right this way, Hope." He grabs the bags out of her hands and bounces over to the house where his parents are still waiting.
They all introduce themselves, but Sirius pays this no mind, insisting that Remus follow him straight away. He briefly waves around the shop and points at the wind chimes out the front, before he's pulling Remus into the tower and up the stairs. He takes them up to the second storey of the main building and gives Remus a tour of the living room, kitchen, and first bathroom. Then, on the second floor, he shows him the second bathroom, his parents' room, and the spare bedroom.
"You can stay in there if you really want to, but when James came to stay he just slept in my room." Sirius shrugs as they pass the guest room. "My parents are right beside you this way, which is why I would recommend my bedroom."
Remus nods and follows Sirius as he takes him up through the tower to the final room - his, of course.
"Woah," Remus' eyes widen as they browse Sirius' room. His eyes catch on the bookshelf. "You have your own books?"
"Yes," Sirius huffs, offended.
"Sorry, I just- Well, you never read much at Hogwarts."
"I do. I just wait until no one's looking. What's the point in reading if you're surrounded with people?"
"To use it as an excuse to ignore said people," Remus states.
Sirius laughs. He slumps down on his bed after having dropped Remus' bags safely on the ground. "I've missed you, Remus."
Remus smiles and keeps ambling about the room. He admires Sirius' collection of colourful shells. When he comes across the Moonstone, he picks it up and runs a thumb over it. Sirius watches with a smile on his face.
"I found that at Easter when James was here," he says, getting up off the bed and crossing to the other side of the room where Remus is standing. "I was going to give it to you."
"Me? Why? It's so-"
"I know, it is, isn't it?" He taps the stone gently where it's still in Remus' grasp. "It just reminded me of you. You can have it, take it."
"What? Sirius, no-"
Sirius rolls his eyes and reaches out to fold Remus' fingers inwards, the stone tightly tucked away in his fist. "Have it. I want you to."
"Oh," Remus says softly. "Well, thanks."
Sirius grins.
"I actually have something else for you." He turns around, twirling a few times before his eyes finally snatch on the object on his bedside table. Sirius meanders over to it and snatches it up before going back over to Remus and holding it out on his palm. "It's the ball. Me and my mum made it into a necklace! I said you could have it, didn't I?"
"You'd trust me with that ?" Remus stares at it like it's made of pure gold.
"Of course, I do. You're my best friend, silly." Sirius steps closer so that they are only a couple of inches away from each other. It's ridiculous how much Remus has grown in the month that Sirius hasn't seen him. Remus' chin is at the same height as the top of Sirius' head.
He unclasps the necklace's chain and leans forward to place it around Remus' neck. When it's done, he takes a step back and admires it with a simple nod.
"Perfect."
Remus' face goes red. Sirius assumes he is embarrassed because he is the centre of attention right now. He knows how much Remus hates being in the spotlight, so he changes the subject.
"Come on, let's go back downstairs and see if my mum has adopted your mum to be her new best friend."
Remus chuckles from behind him.
Friday - 7th July, 1972
"If we're serious about the map, we should start planning out how we're actually supposed to make it."
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm Sirius about everything-"
"Oh, my goodness," Remus stares at him with horror in his eyes. "Please tell me you didn't just..."
"I did just."
"Never again."
"Sure, like that's going to happen," Andy snorts from the other side of the table. The four of them are sitting in the kitchen at the table, eating dinner. "He's been making that joke since he was six."
"I'm surprised it took him a year to say it around you," Ted adds.
"I know, it's like some kind of miracle," his mum gapes.
"Stop listening in on our private conversations!" Sirius scolds and turns back to Remus, whispering this time. "We should have a group name on the front of it that says it belongs to us without actually giving away whose it is."
"Like what?"
"Do you remember what Black said when we pranked the Slytherins with the snakes? He called us a bunch of marauders. I've been thinking about it and I think it's perfect!"
"Yeah, okay," Remus nods in agreement. "Are you going to write to James and Peter and let them know that we now have a group name?"
"Nah," Sirius waves his fork through the air, "I'll tell them on the train."
"I'm surprised you're going with what Regulus suggested," Remus says. "You two never agree on anything."
"We aren't agreeing on this. It's just a good word. Besides, we never agree on anything because Black is a-"
"What ?"
Sirius and Remus look away from each other and stare across the table at his parents, who are both sitting motionless. His dad looks like he's just been dunked in a pool of freezing cold water, whilst his mum... The expression on her face is the same one he saw a couple of weeks ago when he showed her the ball.
"What?" Sirius echoes.
"What did you just say?"
"Did you say Black ? As in the name? Like... a person?" Ted questions, voice a bit less strained than Andy's.
"Yeah," Sirius glances between his parents quickly. They look like they've lost their minds. "Regulus Black. He's in our year. Not very nice if you ask me."
"He can be," Remus mumbles. Sirius shoots him a look.
"You go to school with a boy named Regulus Black. In your year," Andy breathes out. They aren't so much questions as they are statements.
Sirius and his mum have always been unhealthily pale, especially considering they live in one of the warmest places in the country, where the sun hits them more than it does most other places in England. But right now, his mum has somehow figured out how to fade five shades paler.
"Mum?" Sirius can hear the concern in his own voice. He looks at Remus for answers, but doesn't find any there. Remus just stares back at him with as much confusion as he can feel on his own face.
"Andy," Ted places a gentle hand on his wife's arm, snapping her out of her trance. "Later?"
She nods and shakes her head as if whatever the bloody hell just happened, didn't happen after all.
Sirius doesn't press or ask any more questions. He could tell by the way his mum reacted that it wouldn't be a very good idea. But he spends a long time curiously wondering... what could have worried his mum so much that it made her act like that? And what did it have to do with Regulus Black?
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
mon trésor = my treasure (French)MENTIONS:
-not Slughorn being manipulated by two twelve-year-olds and an eleven-year old 💀 slay boys
-bye bye, Amycus. you will not be missed :)
-the boys asking "are we messed up" and me immediately going "yes, honey, yes you are"
-"sanity is overrated" - Regulus Arcturus Black
-kreacher and his little white rose garden :(
-the labyrinth will come into play in later years 👀
-Narcissa and Regulus' relationship in this fic is going to kill me.. I love it so much <3
-Regulus being like "who is Andromeda Black? did she die? hmm" me: "she is the boy you hate's mum, but also his cousin, because he is your brother...👍"
-Sirius got his dramatics from Andy.
-andy: "orion" sirius: "what" andy: "what👀"
-Andy is already shipping Wolfstar <3
-the Sirius and Hope duo!!!!!!!
-"Hello there" REMUS, STOP, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ME! you little cutie, you
-it took me 15 chapters to make a Sirius serious joke.. is anyone else proud or is it just me?
-Andromeda and Regulus finding out about each other for the first time in the same chapter was an accident but also not..IMPORTANT:
I've had some questions about the whole Andromeda adopting Sirius but not Regulus thing, so I am now here to explain. It will also be covered more later on in the fic, but for now, I'll say this. Andromeda adopted Sirius before Regulus was born, before she even knew he existed at all. What is going through her head right now is "either I have a brother or Walburga had another child that I didn't know about because I took myself and Sirius and Ted all away from the wizarding world to keep him safe, but this child may not be safe in the same way Sirius wasn't safe. and he is the same age as him... *feels immense guilt*" So, it isn't going very well inside Andy's head right now...See you next weekend!! xx
Chapter 16: Second Year: The Magic of Bowie
Summary:
Remus returns to Wales.
James and Remus meet up in Diagon Alley.
James meets Walburga Black.
They return to Hogwarts!
The magic of Bowie is discovered.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mentions of scars from being a werewolf
-feelings of not fitting in
-Remus is bullied for their epilepsy (in the past)
-threat of child abuse
-Walburga BlackI love this chapter, so I am publishing it early! There will also be another chapter on Friday or Saturday :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Look up here, I'm in heaven
I've got scars that can't be seen
I've got drama, can't be stolen
Everybody knows me now.
~ David Bowie
Thursday - 13th July, 1972
Remus
When his mam returns to Cornwall to take him home, Remus feels a heavy sense of dread settle in his chest. He loves Wales and always has. There's just something about Cornwall that calls out to him, like the horizon is yelling at him to stay put, compelling him to watch it forever. It's hypnotising.
Both of Sirius' parents insist on hugging him goodbye. Sirius walks with him to the car, carrying his bags even after Remus swears he can do it himself. Hope steps out of the car to greet Sirius once again, handing him a white cardboard box the size of a children's picture book.
"Here. I thought you and your parents might like to try some. They're beignets from our bakery back home." Sirius reaches out and takes the box of pastries, thanking her with a tight hug. She chuckles and ruffles his hair. "Well, we should be off. Remus," she moves her attention over to her son, "Marie has knocked on our door twice a day since the moment you left."
Remus would laugh at this if it weren't for the presence of Sirius, who is now staring at Remus with his mouth open, a smirk threatening to form.
"Marie?" Sirius comments, head tilting to the side. "Remus, do you have a girlfriend ?"
Remus feels as all of the blood in his body rushes to his cheeks, which only seems to further convince Sirius that Marie is his- his-
"She isn't!" He insists, his voice dropping about half a dozen octaves. "Marie is my friend from primary school. That is all. I don't want a girlfriend!"
Sirius raises an eyebrow at him, not persuaded in the slightest. "Everyone wants a girlfriend, Remus."
"Well..." Remus searches for something witty to say back, but only manages a half-hearted, "Not me."
"Right well, next time we have the chance to, I'm coming to yours. I want to meet this Marie girl." He waggles his eyebrows and whispers, "Is she pretty?"
Remus, if possible, blushes even more, which causes Sirius to cackle. Remus rolls his eyes. "Don't go getting any ideas, Tonks."
"Oh, I would never."
"We'll be going now." Remus turns to his door, only for Sirius to pull him back around. "What, Siri-"
The other boy wraps him in a tight hug, just like the one they shared when Remus arrived. Somehow, he manages to keep the box of pastries safe.
Remus hugs him back, a bit precariously. It feels strange hugging Sirius - Remus has never thought him to be the hugging sort of type. He'll tackle James in the corridors and swing an arm around Peter when they are on their way to class. Sometimes he will even lean against Remus' arm after a particularly extensive study session in the library. But he rarely gives out hugs.
It's a bit of a tragedy really, because he is so very good at it. Remus usually hates hugging people, unless they are taller than him, because he hates having to bend down. It only contributes to his stiff back and awkwardness. Even though Sirius is much shorter than Remus is, it isn't an uncomfortable hug. He steps up on his tip-toes, making it easier for Remus to adjust, and loosely wraps his arms around his neck, resting his chin on Remus' shoulder.
"I can't believe I'm not going to see you for over six weeks," Sirius complains with a small huff.
"I'm sure you'll survive," is Remus' response. He pulls away a second later and gives Sirius a small half-smile before getting in the car.
As they pull away from Cornwall and the sea stretches further and further away, Remus' fingers reach up to feel at the necklace tucked safely beneath his jumper. He can't believe someone would trust him with something as important as this. Especially Sirius, who had his pick of Remus, James, Peter- or literally anyone else on the planet. Yet, he chose Remus.
He remembers Sirius mentioning it in passing that he would give it to him to keep, but Remus had assumed he was joking at the time.
The stone Sirius gifted him burns in his pocket. Remus had been speechless when Sirius said it reminded him of Remus. He'd spent ages wondering why, until Andy one day pointed it out. Remus had been mindlessly playing with it, twiddling it between his fingers. A Moonstone is what she had called it. Remus remembers because he'd almost dropped it.
A Moonstone?
It still bugs him now. Why would Sirius say it reminded him of Remus? Did he know it was a Moonstone or had he just found it, looked at it and gone "Ah, Remus would like this"?
Something in the back of his mind itches whenever he thinks about it. There's no way it could have been a coincidence. Sirius must know. But if that's true, then that means that Sirius knows that Remus is a werewolf... He's been waiting for the day that his friends would start picking up on his endless monthly absences and the cursed scars that are etched into his skin. It's daunting to even consider the possibility that Sirius could know. Remus never wanted him to know. Even if that sounds selfish, it doesn't stop it from being true.
Sirius Tonks is perfect. He's the smartest in their year, quick with his wit, and unfairly stole all the good looks from every boy in the year. And Remus is... well, he isn't going to list out everything about him that screams bad or danger or run away as fast as you can.
He doesn't want Sirius to know of the darkest corner of himself. He doesn't want Sirius to be aware of the dark creature that lures restlessly just beneath Remus' skin. It's just another thing working against him. Another thing that makes Sirius Tonks better than him in every possible way. That frightens him because he doesn't want Sirius to realise this- to figure out how inferior Remus really is beside him, because he doesn't want to lose him. Without Sirius, he may not have all of the friends he does. Without Sirius, he would be the weird loner boy with ugly scars and strange epileptic fits that disturb those around him.
These thoughts spiral around and around in his mind, making him dizzy. The only thing keeping him from believing the intrusive thoughts in his mind, is the necklace. Would Sirius trust him with it if he knew what he was? And if he does know, why would he trust him with the thing that - if stretched far enough - could be considered his lifeline?
It's just something, Remus determines, he will have to deal with after the summer. Hopefully, he can wait that long without exploding.
Friday - 21st July, 1972
Marie drags Remus out of his house at seven in the morning. Cara and Felix are waiting beside the gate, quietly talking between themselves as Marie and a very reluctant Remus go over to meet them.
"Why am I here?" He asks flatly, hoping to fully convey his accusation at them all through his glare.
"I second that question," Cara says, trying to stifle a yawn.
"We're sneaking into the pictures," Marie whispers. Without further explanation, she does a little hop and starts off towards the centre of town.
"Uhm, what?" Remus catches up with her, sending her a stupefied look.
"Well, Felix is desperate to see that new monkey movie-"
"Apes, but sure," Felix throws in.
"-and it's a fifteen, so we thought why not sneak in?" She shrugs, hands in her jean back pockets. Remus continues to stare at her with nothing but bepuzzlement. "I know, you're probably thinking Marie, why did that require you to force me out of bed before the crack of dawn ?" She attempts an impression of his voice; it sound more like she's been inhaling helium. "And to that I would say, stop being so dramatic, dawn cracked hours ago, and we are not sneaking into a cinema without you, Remus."
"I'm just... surprised that you would-"
"What? Act out? Break the law? Become a rebel?" Marie chuckles, it trickles out of her warmly like thick honey. "Oh, Remus, I'm beginning to wonder if you ever knew me at all."
Remus frowns and turns to the other two, who don't seem to be fazed in the slightest by Marie's behaviour. It hits him, not for the first time, how much he's missed over the last year. It strikes him painfully in the chest. These three people were the only friends he had at some point and that has always been very important to Remus. Especially after it got out that he was an epileptic. Other children hadn't been so eager to get to know him after that, but these three stuck by his side no matter what.
There had been this one kid - Billy Ronson - who spread a rumour that if Remus touched any of the kids, they would be infected and it would start to happen to them. From then on, his peers kept a wide berth between him and them. He remembers Cara knocking Billy over in the playground. Her exact words had been, Oh no, I touched Remus and now I've touched you. Guess you've got the Remus cooties now too.
No one had gone near Billy for weeks.
"Okay, if I'm coming then I want to know what I'm breaking the law for."
"It's the new Planet of the Apes movie - Conquest of the Planet of the Apes," Felix responds excitedly. "I've been waiting a month to see it."
"Oh... yeah, that sounds- great." Remus has no idea what he's talking about. He's never heard of these ape movies. That's probably more his fault than it is anyone else's, since he usually spends his time reading or out adventuring.
Marie snorts. "Don't even try pretending that you know what that is, Remus."
Remus turns to Cara. They tend to have similar opinions on things, both being quieter and more blunt people, unlike Marie and Felix. "Is it any good?"
"It's not awful," she responds, which is a compliment from Cara, so Remus feels a little less groan-y.
When they get to the cinema, which is in the dead-centre of town, in between a convenience shop and the dry-cleaners, Marie and Felix take the head. They buy four tickets to some cartoon about a girl with red hair and even redder shoes. There's a poster above the till, advertising the movie. The girl reminds Remus concisely of Lily, except she never wears anything red, saying it makes her hair look stupid.
When the cashier has turned back to the empty entryway, the four of them run past the screen room containing the cartoon and rush off to the one displaying the apes movie.
Remus doesn't understand the movie. It's a first for him because usually, even when he doesn't have interest in something, he is able to understand it just fine. But this is... he doesn't even know where to begin. Felix whispered something about a time loop to him, which he also didn't understand. Without the first three movies to go off, the fourth is as unintelligible as a drunk old man.
After the movie has ended and the four of them manage to escape the cinema without having been caught for sneaking into the wrong movie, Felix and Cara work together to try and explain it all to him. It sounds like a rough concept to him, that if apes truly did one day develop a higher physical capability, they would try to rule over the human race. Why would you choose to enslave those who previously enslaved you? It's not like humans were keeping them around to do their chores or maintain crops or anything; they're held captive to keep them and the people safe. So, why would they turn the tables? That just seems hypocritical if you as Remus.
He doesn't say any of this, of course, considering it's clearly Felix's favourite movie series. Remus would hate it if someone started picking apart his favourite book based on the likelihood of it's plot occurring, rather than the logistics.
They start off on their way towards Marie's house afterwards, since hers is the biggest between the four of them. Her mother is in charge of the Village Hall, which her parents own, and is regularly the one running events like bake sales and tombola's to help raise money for town renovations and upkeep. Marie's father is the police constable and holds the highest power over law enforcement in their town (one of the reasons why Remus was so stunned to find Marie actively going against the law).
Marie's house isn't only the largest out of the four of them, but the largest overall in the village. It's made of white, horizontally-placed wooden panels and has shiny, black window shutters and a matching door, with a huge, brass knocker in the centre.
Remus used to get self-conscious about his own house and refused to allow anyone but Felix around for the first two years of his friendships with the girls. That was until Marie came around asking for him one day when he was out on the field with his tad. His mam had invited her in and Remus found them both an hour later, sitting in the living room, drinking lemonade. After that, he decided to stop caring, because Marie hadn't stared at him with disgust or attempted to flee as soon as possible. Instead, she smiled at him and forced him to show her his bedroom.
They climb up the front steps to the porch and Marie pushes the front door open easily, despite her small size. She calls for her mother, who is working in her office, planning the next town event. Remus gets excited when she mentions a chocolate fountain and has to be forcibly shoved out of the room by Marie when he freezes, daydreaming about a chocolate fountain.
Marie no longer guides them to her room, since they all know where it is by now, and lets Cara and Felix take the lead instead. Her room is bigger than Remus' living room. It's got buttercup-yellow walls and dark, hardwood floors. There's a fireplace on one side of the room and a window that perfectly exhibits the back garden on the other.
There are a few noticeable changes about her room since the last time Remus saw it. For example, she no longer has her collection of china dolls. In Remus' opinion, this is a positive change. Those things used to creep him out. It was the eyes, they followed him everywhere he went in the room. Her bookshelf is no less lacking actual books as it had been before, but she has filled the previously empty spaces with ornamental snow globes and framed pictures of her friends and family.
On one of the shelves is a delicately carved wooden jewellery box. There's an out-of-place, pink sticky note stuck to the top of it. Written in Marie's handwriting, says: Remus Letters.
Carefully, he reaches out to open it, the lid slides back easily and out pops a tiny ballerina- or, it's supposed to be a ballerina. A sticker of Betty Boop has been stuck over it so that instead of a tutu-wearing girl twirling around in the box, there's a woman with a bright-red, cropped dress, pouting up at him. He laughs softly at the sight of it. Music starts playing gently through the room, quiet and easy-flowing, a bit like a nursery rhyme.
In the box, below Betty Boop, is a pile of the letters Remus had sent to Marie in between Easter and summer. Just like he promised he would after not having sent her, or his other friends, any beforehand.
She lets out a cry from somewhere behind him and jumps forward to close the box. Her cheeks are an astonishing shade of red as she snatches the box away from Remus and moves to stuff it under her bed.
"Sorry, Marie, I didn't mean to go through your things."
Marie sits down on her bed, fanning herself violently with her hand. It's a very warm summer, especially in this room with the windows closed. "It's fine, just not that box. Okay?"
"Okay." Remus doesn't understand what the big deal is. It's not like he hasn't seen those letters before. He is literally the one who wrote them. Still, he feels bad for invading her privacy, so he cautiously makes his way over to her and sits down on the bed next to her. She slumps backwards onto it and Remus follows. Felix and Cara join them, Cara beside Marie and Felix beside Remus.
"I can't believe you're leaving again," Marie's voice cracks and Remus turns to find she's already looking at him.
"I'll be back," he promises.
"I know that, but we all miss you, Remus. Even Cara." She sniffles and lets out a small laugh at the sound of Cara scoffing from her other side. "Oh, don't lie. You're always asking if Remus sent you a letter too."
Cara rolls her eyes and glances at Remus. "Fine, I guess it isn't... It's pretty crap without you here, Lupin. These two have way too much energy between them. I can't believe you abandoned me, left me alone to babysit."
"I am so sorry," he pours every ounce of sincerity into his voice. "How could I?"
"How could you?" Cara echoes.
"I feel like we should be offended," Felix intones from behind Remus. "Don't you think, Marie?"
"Yeah," Marie croaks. Remus watches as a tear slips past her eyelashes and falls down her cheek. She wipes it away and smiles at Remus - a way of showing him that she is okay without having to speak. Remus nudges her hand with his own and she nudges back. "Come back for Christmas?"
"I promise."
Wednesday - 2nd August, 1972
James sent Remus a letter a couple of weeks ago, telling him when he would be in Diagon Alley to see if he could make it on the same day. He'd sent the same thing to the other boys, but none of them were able to come, unfortunately.
Remus asked his dad, who agreed right away that it sounded like a lovely idea. So, after two whole months of only corresponding through letters, Remus is seeing James today.
He manages to convince Lyall to let him go alone, which takes far too long, but he does eventually agree. His parents send him through the floo with enough money to buy everything he needs for the new school year, and a little extra so that he can get lunch out and some Florean Fortescue's ice cream. Remus wonders what relation Florean Fortescue could have to Alice.
When Remus appears in the fireplace at the Leaky Cauldron, he spots James almost immediately. A smile appears on his face as soon as he sees Remus, bright and beaming, a smile Remus has come to associate with James. One that never used to be there, and nowadays is never lacking.
"Remus!" James leans in and wraps one arm momentarily around his neck before pulling away, settling his beam on Remus. "How did you grow even taller?"
"I'm not the only one," Remus grins. He holds his hand out and measures James against himself, the top of James' messed-up hair reaching Remus' eyes now. "You're much taller than Sirius now."
"Really?!" James jumps up and down on the spot where he's standing. "I haven't seen him since the train."
Remus unconsciously reaches for the necklace around his neck, feeling it through his top. "Yeah, he's still short."
James snorts and they start off out the back of the Leaky Cauldron and into the street of Diagon Alley. The bright sparks of magic burn into the back of Remus' eyelids as they wander through the crowd of wizards and witches. A smell like rich, static iron passes through the air - magic. Remus breathes it in happily, the smile on his face never faltering.
They buy their new robes for second year first, Remus going into the second hand shop for his. He finds that he isn't afraid of James judging him. Maybe it's because of their bathroom meetings, what they have shared between them and the privacy bounds they have already crossed with each other.
Afterwards, they purchase their books for the year, some from Flourish and Blotts and some from the second hand bookshop. Remus buys a new set of quills, since his have all dwindled down to nothing.
They go to the ice cream parlour next because it's right between the two book shops. James orders some strange raspberry and hazelnut mixture that he swears is delicious. Remus just nods, but refuses to agree with that. He gets triple chocolate chip in a tub. He hates those stupid cones that just make the ice cream melt all over your hands and gets them all sticky...
They find a table outside, taking advantage of the summertime weather. It's one of those completely cloudless days where even Remus can't handle wearing a jumper. He's wearing a simple, long-sleeved shirt and jeans with his tatty boots. James is wearing shorts and a plain, red t-shirt. Remus usually tends to wear longer sleeves to cover his scars. Especially in public.
"How are you feeling about being back home?" Remus asks, using his neon-green plastic spoon to scoop at his ice cream. It's not so difficult, with the sun acting as a helper to melt it enough that it easily splits apart.
"It's a bit difficult, especially when I'm so bored out of my mind. I wish I had a sibling, or just someone who could distract me when my mind goes... to that place." A shadow falls over James' face that Remus hasn't seen there for a long time. He shakes it away, grinning and leaning forward. The sun reflects off his glasses, blinding Remus for a second. "Me and my father might have invented a new potion for his business."
"What business?" Remus frowns.
"Have I never mentioned it before? Oh, well, yeah. I don't really like attracting attention to myself about that. My father invented Sleakeazy's Hair Potion. People use it all the time at Hogwarts, I see it, and I don't want them to think of me when they're doing their hair."
Remus almost laughs. "Your dad invented a hair potion?"
"I know. Ha ha. It's funny because my hair is all over the place," James huffs a laugh. "I don't like the way it makes my hair look when I use it, so I don't."
"What potion have you maybe invented then?"
"Okay, so it's one specifically for people with curly hair this time. It's supposed to make their hair look and feel softer, rather than greasy like they tend to be sometimes. Also, it gives them more volume and helps to thicken their curls specifically, so that you can see their face but also their curls aren't just forgotten-" James pauses, staring at Remus cautiously. "What?"
"Nothing," Remus shakes his head, "I've just never heard you sound so passionate about something before."
"Oh," James mumbles. "Yeah, well, I really love brewing potions. Next to flying, I think that may be my favourite thing to do. Speaking of flying," he changes the subject, "we've got to go to Quality Quidditch Supplies next because I want to try out for the team this year!"
"You're trying out for the Gryffindor team?"
Both boys turn to find Regulus Black, dressed in black trousers, a fancy white shirt, and a black, cable knit jumper vest. Remus' first thought when seeing him is that he doesn't look like a stuck-up Pureblood heir in those clothes. They are suspiciously Muggle-esque of him. His second thought is something between What is he doing here? and Why is he talking to us?
Remus doesn't dislike Regulus like Sirius does, he actually finds that he (reluctantly) likes the boy. He's smart and quiet, keeps to himself most of the time, has a similar sense of humour to Remus himself. They are very alike in a way that makes Remus uncomfortable, because he thinks that if given the chance to, Regulus would hurt Sirius for everything he's ever said or done to him. Remus would never do that, to an enemy or a friend.
"Regulus? You're here?" James asks. It's always strange hearing James call him by his first name, the rest of them just refer to him as Black. Sometimes Remus will say Regulus, but only when referring to something that happened in Potions.
"Yes, Potter, brilliant observation." Regulus rolls his eyes. "So, you're trying out for Quidditch this year?"
"Yes," James smirks challengingly.
Regulus' face twitches with something like determination. "So am I."
Remus frowns at that. Okay, so he has seen Regulus fly during their flying classes and he is very good, but Remus never would have taken him for a Quidditch player. He seems too... preppy for that. Too high-strung and straight-angled. Perhaps they aren't too similar after all.
James' expression settles into something that closely resembles eagerness, but is dulled down slightly by his lack of friendliness with the boy before them.
"Regulus!" A feminine voice calls from the doorway of the ice cream shop. Remus turns to find a young girl with platinum blonde hair. Not young enough to go to Hogwarts, but not old enough to be Regulus' mother. She's definitely related to him though; the family resemblance is irrefutable. She's smiling but her eyes are pinched in the corners, giving the impression that she frowns more than she smiles. Remus finds that she seems familiar, like he's seen her before.
"Coming, Cissy," Regulus replies sweetly. He removes his eyes from the girl and stares down at the two boys again. "See you at school," he pointedly glares at James when he says that. Then, he's gone.
"I think I've had enough ice cream." James punctuates this by tossing his ice cream tub in the bin beside their table. Remus does the same.
They go to Quidditch Quality Supplies to get James' stuff and then they stop by Eeylop's Owl Emporium to pick up food for James' owl. For the rest of the hour, they browse the shop windows and talk about the upcoming school year. James shares his hopes for making it onto the Quidditch team and into Slughorn's Potions club.
"Not his Slugclub thing," James explains, "that isn't until third year. No, Potions club is a bunch of students making and practicing potions."
"What's Slugclub?" Remus asks, grimacing at the name.
"Some society Slughorn created. It's for all of the students he can see going far in the future, mainly so he can get all buddy-buddy with them."
"A club made for Sirius then," Remus suggests with a snort.
"Pretty much."
Eventually, they circle back to the Leaky Cauldron. They say goodbye with another one of James' one-arm hugs, which Remus returns this time. Then, he's off through the floo, staring at James through a filter of green flames.
***
Friday - 1st September, 1972
James
Seeing Regulus Black's mother for the first time is something James knows will never be relieved from his memory, not even if he is one day plagued with dementia (if wizards can even get that). He's on the train station, one of the first few, hugging his parents goodbye.
It's Regulus who he hears first, his tone guarded and blank of anything resembling human emotion. James wanders off, closer to the scene, his parents now gone back through the wall to the Muggle station. The next thing to reach his ears is a voice so unashamedly cold and meticulously controlled, it makes him shiver.
He stops when he catches a glimpse of Regulus, who is staring up at someone obscured by one of the brick pillars holding up the ceiling. James knows he shouldn't eavesdrop- he has no right to, but he can't help it. His mind keeps reminding him of Regulus' scarred back, the carefully thought-out lines, the angry one that stretches across his entire back. The newer, pinker, vicious one that appeared over the Easter break. He wonders how many more of those were caused over the summer. Three whole months instead of only two weeks.
That rage bubbles up inside of him, hot and loud and brash. The person behind this pillar could have been the cause of those nightmarish marks. He grips onto his trunk so tightly, they turn a ghastly shade of white. He attempts to focus on the small fraying edges of his trunk, but finds his attention has been officially claimed by this harsh voice.
"-Potions, no more sneaking off to visit that miserable half-breed oaf of a man, and no more fraternizing with those who will only rot the image your father and I have been creating for you since the day you were born. If I hear of anymore rumours that claim you have disobeyed me once again, it will be the chair for you every day during your Christmas break. Is that clear, Regulus Arcturus?"
"Yes, mother."
"I will see you in December. Do not forget to write weekly and keep me updated on your studies." With that, the voice behind the pillar materialises into a woman. She's beautiful on first glance, and petrifying after a single blink. Her face is taut and cruel, a much harsher version of how Regulus can be at the worst of times. Hair as black as that ball Sirius got for his birthday, sits atop of her head, strained back into a severe bun. Skin so pale, she could go up in a who-looks-more-like-a-ghost competition with Nearly Headless Nick.
The most frightening thing about this woman is her eyes. There is no warmth in them. None at all, like she has never known a day of happiness. Nothing about her screams maternal or caring, only strict and assertive.
Her eyes land on James and he is unable to prevent the way his legs freeze in place. She scowls down at him, an expression that only successfully deepens the couple of wrinkle lines on her face, making James think she does this a lot.
"A Potter," she aims that cruel voice at James.
Regulus surfaces from behind his mother, literally coming out of nowhere. He stares between his mother and James, fear taking form in his eyes where it wasn't there before. Regulus meets James' eye and shakes his head so rigorously, James almost doesn't catch it. He does though; it's a warning. Go.
James gulps and makes no move to leave. He's a Potter, he isn't going to just back down. A smile twists at his lips. "Yes, James to my friends, Potter to Regulus and his friends. It is... nice to meet you, Mrs Black." He holds out a hand for her to take, which she indubitably ignores.
"Regulus, please tell me you are not friends with this," she grimaces sharply, "blood traitor."
James hasn't ever been called that before and it sets fire to something within him, something that wants to blaze loudly and burn everything around him to the ground.
"Of course not, mother. He is... in some of my classes, that is all."
It strikes James then that it has been exactly a year since he first saw Regulus. It had been only those two at the beginning then. Now it's them and this woman that James wants to burn. Something about this addition taints the original memory. He isn't sure how he feels about that.
Regulus' mother regards him for less than a second, apparently not prepared to waste anymore time than necessary on him. She turns to her son, acting as if James no longer exists, like he's a particularly irritating fly on the wall. Once she's said her goodbyes to Regulus, she leaves them via floo network.
The whiplash caused by the loss of anxiety inside of him makes him feel liable to throw up. He doesn't. He isn't really given the chance before Regulus is cornering him, getting right in his face.
"What was that, Potter?" He spits and James flinches.
"What?"
"That wasn't funny! She isn't- you can't just-" Regulus lets out a noise of frustration and starts playing with his tie. "She isn't like your parents, okay? She might have..."
"What?" James repeats. "She might have what?" It doesn't escape him, the way his tone is filled with undiluted anger.
"Nothing," Regulus says flatly, moving out of James' space. "Doesn't matter. See you around, Potter."
James watches as Regulus climbs onto the train, not looking over his shoulder once. He is tempted to follow, but a part of him knows he won't get anything else out of Regulus, except for maybe a painful stinging hex.
"Hello, my fellow Marauders!" Sirius exclaims as he bursts through the door. James jumps up from his seat beside Remus and Peter and wraps his arms around Sirius. "Oh, hello, you-"
"I missed you," James says and squeezes Sirius tighter.
"I missed you too. I flat-out refuse to not see you for three months ever again! Next summer, you're coming back to Cornwall."
"Okay!" They sit down on the bench opposite Remus and Peter. "Hey, what was it you called us when you came in?"
"Marauders," Sirius smirks, looking over to Remus who just rolls his eyes. "Remember? It's what Black called us. I think it's perfect for our map."
"You mean the map that doesn't exist yet," Peter points out.
"Oh, use your imagination, Pete! From now on, we are the marauders. I refuse to hear a bad word against it."
"I like it," James speaks up.
"Yeah, it is a nice long word," Peter adds.
"The marauders," Remus says.
"Now all we need are individual nicknames," Sirius says seriously. "Don't worry, I don't mean Lupes."
"Wow, thanks for the consideration, Sirius," Remus mumbles monotonously.
"Here for you," Sirius nods.
"What sort of nickname?" James asks.
"I don't know," Sirius shrugs. "Just whatever we come up with naturally, best not to think too hard about it. The right nickname will come when it's supposed to."
The cabin door opens then, three girls spill in after. James smiles at the sight of Mary, who squeals and rushes over to his side straight away. She hugs him tightly before turning in her seat to do the same to Sirius. Marlene sits on the other side of Sirius, while Lily goes to sit between Remus and Peter.
James has been struggling around Lily ever since Peter blurted that she has a crush on him. The thing is, he isn't sure if it's even true. All he knows is, he likes Lily... a lot. He just doesn't think he fancies her. There's no swoop of his stomach or electrical sparks when they touch. He can't imagine dancing intimately with her in their kitchen like he's seen his parents do so many times before. With Lily, he would jump around to Queen and sing along loudly, if a bit out of tune, to the lyrics.
There's nothing wrong with Lily. She's actually quite perfect; with her immaculate grades, sharp mind and stubborn loyalty, even for those who do not particularly deserve it most of the time. Lily is also very pretty, only a blind person could argue there. James is almost worried about himself. Should he like Lily? No sane guy would hear that one of the most beautiful girls in the year liked him and then just... not do anything about it.
It comes down to this: he doesn't want Lily as anything more than a friend.
He decides he will just have to make that unfailingly clear and then they can work on being closer as friends, instead of having this peculiar barrier between them.
"Did everyone have a good summer?" Mary asks the group.
Everyone answers at once, all positive murmurs and a few shared glances between people, followed by hysterical laughter. Sirius spins in his seat to look at Mary.
"What about you, Macdonald? Do anything nice?"
"Hmm... not really. Sort of a boring summer, though the sunbathing was rather glorious if you ask me." She glances over Sirius' shoulder at Marlene, raising an eyebrow at the other girl. Marlene covers her face with her hands and sinks in her seat. Sirius presumes he has missed something, but he doesn't get the chance to check why before Mary is speaking again. "I got to see my little sister, though. So, that was nice. She missed me a lot, which meant I had her clinging off my leg for over half the summer." She rolls her eyes as she giggles.
"You have a sister?" James asks.
"Yeah," Mary looks over her shoulder at him. "Haven't I ever mentioned her before? Shame. She is quite the character."
"I wonder who she learnt that from," Remus mutters under his breath, but smiles at Mary slightly to show he's kidding.
"Don't be mean, Lupin," Mary pretends to scold him. "Or I'll have Miss Evans here thwack you."
"Thwack me-?" Remus starts, but is interrupted by Lily backhanding the side of his thigh. "Hey! Stop- stop it-" He laughs, trying to hold Lily back as she keeps thwacking him. James grins at the sight. He's missed everyone so much, he thinks he might scream.
"Anyway," Mary returns back to her conversation with James and Sirius, "her name is Charlotte, she's only seven, so if she does show any magical potential, she won't be coming to Hogwarts until our sixth year."
"I have a cousin that age," Sirius pipes up. "If they both end up at Hogwarts together, we should introduce them to each other. They could be friends!"
"That would be nice," Mary agrees with an eager nod. "Charlotte is great at making friends, so, assuming your cousin takes after you, I'm sure they will make a lovely little pair."
"Oh, McGonagall is going to hate them!"
"Completely!"
James veers away from the conversation, finding that he can't really contribute anything to it anymore. He doesn't have any younger siblings or cousins who could be coming to Hogwarts in the future. He used to have an aunt and an uncle, but they both passed away from the Dragonpox when he was four. He doesn't remember them much, only that his uncle had been his father's brother. Other than those two, James has only ever had his parents.
Lily and Remus have settled down now, both talking avidly about something in the new DADA textbook. Peter and Marlene have even struck up a conversation, much to James' shock and delight. They can both be shy when they want to be, but they seem to be getting on well. James tunes into what Remus and Lily are talking about, since they are the closest.
"What are you guys talking about?" He leans forward, attempting to get a glimpse of what page they are looking at.
"Duelling. We're learning how to duel this year," Lily replies with a nervous grin.
"Yeah and we were just thinking about the worst possible pairings for that. Hopefully, we get a teacher this year who will actually let us choose our partners. I think that if we have Defence with the Slytherins and Sirius gets paired with Black... well, that won't end well for anyone," Remus explains.
James grimaces at the thought. He remembers the argument between the two in the infirmary last year. If they had the chance to turn their wands on each other with clear permission from a professor... Remus is right, that won't end well for anyone.
"Yikes."
Remus snorts. "Yeah, yikes. We also get to learn how to defend ourselves against certain dark creatures in case we are ever attacked, like Acromantula, Cornish Pixies, and the such-"
"And Werewolves!" Lily adds. She's got her nose in the book, her eyes sliding from word to word quickly.
James' smile falls from his face, he turns to Sirius, who has stopped his conversation with Mary to stare up at what is happening. James assumes he heard the word Werewolves and immediately perked up. In the corner, he can see Peter frowning at the scene. Remus has frozen, a queasy expression on his face.
They make eye contact for the briefest of moments before James pulls away from it. Not yet. Remus can't know he is aware of what he is yet. They have a plan.
James clears his throat and slides forward in his seat, right to the end of it now. He changes the subject in the only way that he can. By saying the first thing that pops in his head.
"Guess who Remus and I saw at Diagon Alley a few weeks ago."
After a chorus of who's, James tells them all about the day they saw Regulus Black, Muggle clothes and all. "He had the sleeves rolled up and everything."
"Ooh, how scandalous!" Sirius titters. "Does that mean Black is rebelling?"
"And who was the blonde he was with?" Mary asks, always one to be amused by any sort of gossip, no matter how big or small.
"Don't know," Remus shrugs and turns to James. "He doesn't have any siblings, does he?"
"I don't think so," James stretches his mind back to those first couple of hours in first year, a whole year ago, when he and Regulus had met on the train. "No, he doesn't."
"Maybe his cousin then," Remus says. "They were definitely related."
"Oh, yeah, definitely. The family resemblance is a bit creepy. Speaking of creepy," James gulps, "I met his mother."
"What?"
"When?"
"Was she as stuck up as her little twerp of a son?" Sirius questions, voice verging on mean.
"She was the scariest woman I have ever had the misfortune of meeting," James nods once. "Yeah. She looked at me like I was a piece of manure on her shoe, so I stuck out my hand and introduced myself."
"You didn't !" Sirius' head falls back as he chortles. "That's brilliant."
"It was either that or shit myself. Honestly, you've got to meet her. Once you do, you'll understand why Regulus is the way he is. With a mother like that..." James swerves off that sentence. He doesn't want to spread anything or give away too much about what Regulus' family are like because he might accidentally share too much, and he's already promised twice that he wouldn't.
He's quiet for most of the ride after that.
The sorting ceremony is much less interesting when you aren't a part of it. James spends most of it trying to catch a glimpse of Regulus across the hall, but he's obscured most of the time by the tall frame of Evan Rosier. Why is everyone growing so quickly?
He wants to see if he had imagined the boy dressed in Muggle clothes, making casual conversation with him about Quidditch, but all that is visible to him only feeds into the classic, bigoted Pureblood vibe that he'd sensed around Regulus' mother. The Slytherin sits with his back straight, like there's an invisible wall behind him that he's leaning against. His hands and forearms are laid out neatly on the table before him, eyes focused primely on the sorting ceremony. Every now and then, Barty will lean over and whisper something to him, making his posture falter for a blink and a small smirk emerge from the corner of his lips.
"James?"
He jumps and suddenly feels very guilty like he just got caught out of bed at night or something. Sirius and Remus are staring at him imploringly. Had they asked him something?
"Hmm?"
"We were taking guesses," Sirius points to the ginger girl on the stool at the front of the hall. She stares forward defiantly, eyes hard and determined. "Remus said Slytherin, I said Gryffindor, and Pete backed out of this one. What do you think?"
"Erm..." James looks over at the small girl. The determination set on her face isn't mean, but it isn't quite daring either. It's a challenge. But there's something else... something like certainty. People hate to think about it, especially those of the two respective houses, but Slytherins and Gryffindors are very alike. The key difference being that Slytherins are daring but use their brains to calculate a win, whilst Gryffindors are ignorantly daring and charge right in.
This girl looks smart.
"Slytherin," James agrees with Remus. "What's her name, anyway?"
"Mika Partridge," Sirius replies. He's leaning back in his chair, smug expression ready. If he's right then that means Remus and James are both wrong.
They watch as the hat takes it's sweet time with this one, until finally announcing, "SLYTHERIN!"
Remus snorts as Sirius sinks in his seat, pouting. He pats his friend's head with a "there, there" and Sirius huffs like an agitated horse.
Mika Partridge rushes off to the Slytherin table and takes the empty seat on the other side of Pandora Rosier, who isn't even a Slytherin, but has taken it upon herself to sit there almost every day for the past year anyway.
James' eyes snag on Regulus once again, only this time the other boy catches him and leers back. He snatches his gaze away and stares at the table, then at his plate, then his hands, not sure where to look. He can still feel Regulus' eyes on him and it's making him feel uncomfortable, which isn't fair because he was the one doing it first. Eventually, he settles on looking around the table to see if anyone can distract him with a conversation.
When he turns his head up, he finds Lily watching him curiously, her eyebrows furrowed like she's trying hard to calculate a difficult History of Magic question. She looks across the hall and then back at James, then again, and something resolves in her eyes. James shakes his head, he isn't sure why, but Lily only nods in response and goes back to her conversation with Mary and Azalia.
James sighs and runs a hand through his shaggy hair. He joins in on the Guess which house this first year will be sorted into game, soon forgetting about the other boy across the hall.
"IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?!" Sirius cries and flies from his bed, prancing over to Remus' corner of the room. James follows, curious. By the time he has made it over to the other side of the room, Remus has fully unpacked a- James isn't sure what it is...
"Yep," Remus says, sounding very proud of his... box thing. "My dad got it for me as a late birthday present. I was going to bring it after Easter, but I thought I would wait until I got some more records of my own in the summer."
"Please, please, please tell me you have good music taste," Sirius begs, practically jumping on Remus as he grabs at the boy's collar and pulls him right to his face. James laughs at the scene before him because Remus looks so frightened, the poor thing. "I need you to answer this one question for me, Remus. Okay?"
"Go on," he mumbles cautiously.
"Do you have any Bowie records?" The intense eye contact that pursues after this question is tense enough to shatter the windows. James almost takes cover, just in case that actually does happen. He's guessing this box thing plays music?
"Of course, I do," Remus answers with a scoff. "I even managed to get..." He pulls out a flat, square, which James immediately mistakes for a poster. It displays a dark, English street - maybe an alley. A streetlight illuminates above a blonde man equipped with a guitar slung over his shoulder, his leg propped up against a pile of cardboard boxes. Fancy yellow letters spell out the words: DAVID BOWIE - ZIGGY STARDUST.
"The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars!" Sirius screams. "REMUS! We - have - to - play - it - right - now !"
"Go for it," Remus chuckles, pointing at the box on his bedside table. Sirius does a little elated hop, gently taking the square thing from Remus' hand. He pulls out a black, circular disc at the same time Remus lifts the lid of his box. Sirius places the circle thing on the circular part of the box and then pulls the rod part on top of it, placing it at a specific place on the disc. He flicks a mini lever.
A staticky sound fills the room and for a moment James is confused. It crackles like the wick of a candle and then-
A drum beat starts chorusing tentatively through the box, followed shortly by a masculine voice that James has never heard sing before. Other instruments, that James couldn't name even if he tried, join in.
Pushing through the market square
So many mothers sighing (Sighing)
News had just come over
We had five years left to cry in (Cry in)
News guy wept and told us
Earth was really dying (Dying)
Cried so much his face was wet
Then I knew he was not lying (Lying)
I heard telephones, opera house, favourite melodies
I saw boys, toys, electric irons and TVs
My brain hurt like a warehouse, it had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things to store everything in there
And all the fat, skinny people
And all the tall, short people
And all the nobody people
And all the somebody people
I never thought I'd need so many people
James doesn't understand it, but he does find the rhythm exhilarating in a new way he has never felt for music before. In later years, Sirius would tell him that's the magic of Bowie. He listens to a few more songs before wandering back over to his own bed to unpack his trunk. Remus and Sirius remain sitting at the edge of Remus' bed, dedicated to listening until it's finished. Snapping at anyone who is too loud and sharing little glances at their shared favourite parts.
He gets it, he thinks. The power David Bowie holds. His ability to entrance people with only his lyrics. James can tell this is going to be the beginning of some connection between Remus and Sirius. The shared fascination in the rhythm of the music...
The magic of Bowie.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
mam = mother (Welsh)
tad = father (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-Remus needs another hug :(
-I missed Marie so much, idek where she came from, but I adore her sm now
-Cara = icon <3
-I'm with Remus, idk anything about the Planet of the Apes movies... sorry if there's any inaccuracy (feel free to correct me!)
-Betty Boop sticker <3
-I love raspberry and hazelnut ice cream personally
-REGULUS. IN. MUGGLE. CLOTHES. (i'm dying)
-not James casually introducing himself to Walburga like she's a business associate or something 😭
-Lily and Remus <3
-James is about to get an obsession this year...👀😇
-Lily knows SOMETHING (James doesn't even know what she knows yet)
-Bowie! I had to add him in at some point!!I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to leave any comments or share with your friends (please and thank you)! I really appreciate all of the love and support so far! This story has already hit over 3.1K hits!! See you at the weekend <3
Chapter 17: Second Year: Then Trust Me
Summary:
The new Potions partners are announced.
The boys go to Quidditch try outs.
Sirius, James and Peter confront Remus.
Sirius and Regulus hate each other basically.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-threaten to snap someone's wrist (joke to a friend)
-Regulus kicks someone a lot (idk if this should be a warning, but thought I'd add it in here just in case)
-brief mention of a parent being ill
-scars (on Remus from being a werewolf)
-someone says they are a monster (again, idk if this should be a warning)
If I've missed anything, feel free to let me know!! :)
I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a day early because I have to work tomorrow <3
(also, yes I did quote Cinderella. that girl is an ICON)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The greatest risk any of us will take,
is to be seen as we are.
~ Cinderella
Friday - 1st September, 1972
Regulus
Summer had been unusually calm during the three months when Regulus was back from Hogwarts. Walburga seemed distracted most of the time, which was very out of character for her. For the first time in his life, Regulus had seen his mother on edge - especially whenever he entered a room or during the visits by his cousins. He isn't one-hundred percent sure why his mother had acted this way, but he does have an idea.
It must have been because of this mysterious Andromeda person.
Regulus had spent two entire months researching and attacking every book in the Black family library, attempting to find some hint of an Andromeda Black. Only to come up blank. The thought that perhaps Cygnus had an affair and that is why this Andromeda person is not widely known in the family crossed his mind. Maybe she took her mother's surname instead? It's the only possibility he can come up with.
Either way, he hadn't gotten any closer to solving that mystery, which meant he would have to wait for someone to one day mention this person in passing and latch onto that. Then, he wouldn't have to admit to having overheard the name when he was busy listening into other people's conversations. Not very becoming, according to Walburga.
Only time will tell him who Andromeda Black was - or is. He just has to be patient.
During his frantic searching in the library back at home, Regulus had come across a particularly interesting article, written by some small, barely-known journalist by the name of Reyna or Rita something... he can't really remember. He had found an extract of her article tucked in between the pages of What Muggle Blood Is Doing To The Pureblood Population. It had only stuck out to him because it mentioned something about a rumoured hidden room built within the magical walls of the Hogwarts castle.
The Come and Go Room, as Regulus named it.
However, it's real name, he discovers, is the Room of Requirement.
The article had claimed that there was no concrete evidence proving the room's existence, but that one of the founders of Hogwarts - likely Rowena Ravenclaw - built the room, netting it into the magic and fabrication of the castle, only to be found by those in dire need of such a place. It was described as having the ability to warp itself into the desired setting of whom was lost.
Regulus can't believe that he has found the Room of Requirement. If this article is to be trusted, then that means he is possibly the first ever since the founders of Hogwarts were alive. Unless anyone who found it in the past kept it a secret, just like he is doing. As far as Regulus knows, he is the discoverer of Rowena Ravenclaw's lost room.
That has been just about the only positive discovery he had made over the summer. The other being that his mother was so distracted that she didn't even punish him - not when he accidentally dropped his food into his lap at dinner, or when he broke one of her vases, nor when she found out he had still been beaten by a Potter in Potions.
He'd risked asking if Narcissa could assist him to Diagon Alley that year, instead of his mother. It hadn't taken much to convince her, if anything at all, which was a first.
It had been nice having a day out with Narcissa, not having to worry about his mother lurking in the background, or Bellatrix one untwisted screw away from lashing out at him. Even Lucius didn't come, not that he minds him too much. He just misses having time alone with his favourite cousin.
Narcissa has always been like the older sibling he never had. He adores her and looks up to her. She had seen his end of year results and beamed at him, before pulling him into an affectionate hug. She even didn't mind when he dressed up in clothes that his mother surely would not approve of for Diagon Alley. Of course, he hadn't expected to run into Potter or Remus there. That had been a bit embarrassing. At school, he has a reputation of being pristine and well-kept, vicious when Tonks bites at him, and collected in lessons.
Them seeing him in his favourite clothes felt way too vulnerable on his end, to the point that he almost cringes when replaying the memory in his head.
It was his birthday less than a week ago, which feels strange. He has only just turned twelve, while there are people in his year group who are on their way to turning thirteen any day now. Other than boring, and very ancient, family heirlooms, Regulus had only gotten two presents he could actually appreciate. One from Narcissa - a Polish It Yourself broom kit, because she knows he is trying out for the Quidditch team this year. (He is hoping to get the role as Seeker, just as Narcissa was when she attended Hogwarts.) And another from his father, who had gifted him with an Ombud.
It's a magical object, much more popular a few decades ago when Grindelwald was most active in his movements against Muggles and Muggleborns. He and Walburga would have gotten along swimmingly, given the chance. On the outside, it looks like one of those 8 balls that Muggles use in that table game with sticks and grass on the table. (He doesn't know what it's called, but he saw it once in a painting. Don't judge his lack of knowledge, okay? It's not like Walburga educated him on the topic of Muggle table games growing up.) That isn't all it is, though. If ever you find yourself in danger, the ball will emit a bright light, more blinding than the sun itself. Acting as a warning to whoever the owner gives it to, letting them know they need help. Usually, parents gift them to their children during their first birthday after attending Hogwarts. Regulus hadn't seen any other students at Hogwarts receive one, but he supposes they may have hidden them. They are so rare nowadays.
Regulus isn't sure who to give it to. He would trust each of his friends with it equally, which makes it harder to choose. So, he decides to save it, keeping it on his finger. His father helped him shrink it down to the size of a pea and then encased it in a silver band, transforming it into a ring. He carved his initials - R.A.B. - into the inside of the ring and wore it at all times.
He's still wearing it now, staring down at it.
On Platform 9 3/4, something snapped in his mother, like she finally broke free of her tranquil shackles and remembered who she was. It had been a bit frightening going from one very unusual extreme to the more familiar other. Hope is a bitch, he has learnt; because here he was, hoping his mother would continue to let whatever distraction that was plaguing her mind rot it permanently. Never mind then.
To top it off, Potter had shown up literally out of thin air. Where did he even come from? And had the audacity to smile and hold his hand out as an innocent offering to Walburga Black, of all people. Honestly, if she had cursed him only for that, Regulus wouldn't have blamed her. That was a stupid move, even for James Potter.
His friends had eventually met him on the train - Pandora squeezing him into a comforting hug, which made every lashing he took for being her friend over Easter completely worth it if it meant he got to continue having her in his life. Dorcas had ruffled his hair, making him slap her hand away. When Barty tried, Regulus had almost snapped his wrist off, much to the amusement of Evan and Pandora. Dorcas was still pouting in the corner at this point, rubbing her hand soothingly.
Now, they are finally back at Hogwarts. Regulus breathes in the scent of the Scottish summer rain, warmth and grass and petrichor filling his nose. The musty smell of old books and inky parchment, mixed with that of the outside and the damp castle walls has come to familiarise itself with Regulus now. It is the smell of a home he wants to remain in; a proper home, not just a house.
It's a Friday when they return, which means everyone is in much higher spirits than they normally already would be in anyway. Evan and Pandora are muttering between themselves - Regulus has only managed to make out the words "cows" and "shovel" and then decides he would actually rather not find out what they are talking about. So, he tries to tune into Dorcas and Barty's conversation. It turns out they are picking apart the theory behind attaching a firework to the end of one's broomstick and seeing how far and fast they would fly, calling it a boom-stick. It worries Regulus that not one of their points includes the dangers and hazards behind such an idea, and that their tones do not seem hypothetical.
Regulus rolls his eyes and finds that Sirius Tonks is glaring across the room, right into his very soul.
Regulus is about ninety percent sure he hasn't yet done a thing to tick Tonks off, so he isn't sure what that is about. He raises an eyebrow at the other boy, who only tightens his jaw in a way that looks like he is trying to contain his anger, before glancing away and staring towards the other end of the hall, where McGonagall has begun to lead the new first year students up to the front.
It's hard to believe that he was one of those students a whole year ago. It certainly hasn't felt that long.
He refuses to gaze in the direction of the Gryffindor table for the duration of the entire sorting. It's long and boring and honestly, it felt much shorter when it was his turn.
After dinner is over, the boys head back to their dormitory, saying their goodbyes to Dorcas at the split in between the two sets of stairs. They left Pandora with her Ravenclaw friend - Isadora Lincoln - back in the Great Hall.
Regulus is the first in the door and has to come to an abrupt stop at the sight of the bare corner in their room, where a bed used to be. No more pollution by Amycus. No more mould spores clogging up their lungs. No more dirty clothes stinking up their room.
"Yes!" Barty jumps and immediately hops over to Evan's bed, spreading out like a starfish. "We're free!" Evan goes over and pushes him off, sitting down on the side Barty hadn't been lying on. Barty brushes himself off, still grinning too widely to care about being dumped on the floor. He only climbs straight back on the bed, pushing up beside Evan.
"Yes, we are," Regulus smiles, going over to join them.
Monday - 4th September, 1972
Regulus almost bangs his head against the table in frustration. They received their new timetables this morning for the upcoming year, only to discover that they would be sharing the majority of their lessons with the Gryffindors. That means having to endure being stuck in a classroom with Tonks every single day, multiple times, for an entire year.
Barty apparently has no impulse control and does bang his head against the table.
"I am going to have to watch as Frank bloody Longbottom snuggles into Alice every single day, for an entire year," he groans and then starts angrily shovelling his cornflakes into his mouth. He stares back down at his timetable, as if it would have changed within the last minute, and then huffs when he discovers it hadn't been lying to him. This is their reality.
Their first lesson of the year is Transfiguration. Last year, they were grouped with the Hufflepuffs for McGonagall's classes. This year, they share it with the Gryffindors. Regulus almost misses the Hufflepuffs.
Pandora runs off to Herbology excitedly. Regulus imagines she is eager to see which new plants Sprout managed to acquire over the summer. The four of them remaining start off in the direction of McGonagall's classroom. Luckily, it is on the ground floor, just opposite the courtyard, so it doesn't take them long to arrive at all. He's always found that a bit strange, considering the fact that the Gryffindors have a whole tower, way higher than the classroom that belongs to their Head of House.
They take their seats towards the middle of the classroom, far enough away that Dorcas and Barty won't be caught passing notes between them, but not so distant from the blackboard so they can all see what they are supposed to be copying down. The objective for the lesson has been jotted down in chalk at the front of the classroom. They are going to be learning how to turn animals into water goblets.
Regulus sits next to Dorcas and on the table on the other side of her, Evan and Barty are crowded close to the window. Barty takes the aisle seat, saying the window seat makes him feel claustrophobic.
It isn't long before the entire classroom is full of students, red and green mixing in a way that clashes uncomfortably. Regulus is very aware of who is sitting behind him. Remus and Potter, beside whom are Tonks and Pettigrew. Why? They could have taken a seat literally anywhere else.
He sighs, remembering how they are going to be in four out of six of their lessons with the Gryffindors today.
Fantastic.
By the time their afternoon lessons roll around, Regulus has already had enough of this school year. He would very much like a change of timetable now please. They have already had Transfiguration and Herbology with the Gryffindor quartet, and that should have been enough punishment from the universe.
He walks into Potions, finding everyone (Slytherins and Gryffindors) lined up against the back wall of the room. Frowning, he and his friends head over to join the other students.
"I guess Sluggy changes the partners every year then," Barty notes, eyes wandering over everyone else, sizing them up. "Good. I didn't want to be paired up with Tonks again anyway. Do you think it's because of what happened between Pettigrew and Snape?"
Barty and Dorcas fall into fits of giggles at the memory of one of last year's Potions classes. Pettigrew had been about to throw in the wrong ingredient by accident, only for Snape to stop him by abruptly stomping on his foot. Pettigrew had let out a wail and sent a hex Snape's way. The other boy deflected it and hit Pettigrew square in the chest with a hex that caused warts to spread across his chest and torso and up over the collar of his shirt.
Admittedly, it had all been a bit funny to watch, but Regulus doesn't like either of the two boys, so he hadn't shown his amusement. Dorcas, Barty and Evan did.
"Oh yeah," Evan says and lets out a soft laugh like he's remembering something fond that happened years ago.
Slughorn stands from behind his desk, removing his oval glasses from his face and placing them upon his desk. He beams at them all jovially and stuffs his hands into his pockets, searching for his wand.
"Alright, as you may have guessed already, I am going to be replacing you into groups of two. If it works without too many issues-" he sends a pointed look at Pettigrew and Snape "-until Christmas, then these pairs will stick until the end of the school year!" He locates his wand and swipes it through the air over a register. Once the names are all jumbled up, he begins to read them aloud.
The front row of the classroom consists of Mulciber and Amycus, Violetta and Snape, and Frank and Alecto. Regulus can't help but think, Poor Frank. The second row seats Avery and Mary Macdonald (Regulus almost feels bad for her), Shania and Alice, and Tonks and Pettigrew.
"It's rigged," Barty whispers loudly, causing Tonks and Pettigrew to look at them with smirks on their faces. Regulus rolls his eyes.
Wilkes and Josephine start off the third row, followed by Azalia and Barty (who doesn't seem too disappointed about this arrangement, since Azalia is one of Alice's best friends), and Evan and Remus.
Regulus wilts. He isn't sure who he was hoping to be with more out of Evan or Remus. Evan is his best friend and he would have loved to work with him, and Remus is amazing at Potions. Plus, they worked well together last year, so it would have made sense.
The next couple of names called by Slughorn make Regulus want to walk straight out of the classroom door and refuse to return until Slughorn changes it.
"Regulus Black and James Potter."
Regulus remains standing in his place, blinking a few times and refusing to move, because no. Just no. This is not happening. He will not be working with Potter until Christmas- or worse, for the rest of the year. No.
Potter catches his eye and smiles shyly at him before wandering over to their shared table in the corner of the room where none of either of their friends are around, which means neither of them can easily dodge an awkward silence. To make it better, Potter has taken the aisle seat, so Regulus is going to be squished between him and the wall.
Dorcas pats his shoulder and gives him a little shove in the right direction. His hopes of her being placed on the table beside him and Potter are killed when Slughorn names the next pair: Scarlett and McKinnon, followed by Dorcas and Lily Evans.
At least he won't have to deal with Evans fawning all over Potter for the entire year.
He takes his seat with a huff, making it clear from the very beginning that he does not condone this seating plan. He would rather sit beside Alecto, and that is really saying something. The only possible pairings worse than this one would be Pettigrew or Tonks with him. Snape and Amycus sort of equalise with Potter.
Speaking of, the other boy immediately begins to bounce his leg up and down, making the table shake the tiniest amount, but still enough to send Regulus on a rampage if he doesn't stop it soon. Regulus is tempted to cry from frustration any minute, but he doesn't. Maybe if he were anyone else, he would. He knows if he were Barty, he definitely would.
Slughorn goes through the syllabus for the upcoming school year. Regulus tries his best to aim all of his attention towards the front of the room, to listen to Slughorn to the best of his ability, but it's difficult with Potter sitting beside him. And his leg is still bloody bouncing.
When he can't stand it anymore, Regulus clamps his hand down on the edge of the table and glares at the other boy. Potter's leg stops bouncing, like he's forgotten about it. He turns to face Regulus and then glances down at the floor as if only just realising that he's been sending Regulus into a mental meltdown.
"Oh, sorry," he whispers and then has the audacity to do one of those shy little smiles of his again. "I didn't realise. Won't happen again," Potter promises, turning back to the front of the class.
It does happen again. And again, and again, and again. Until Regulus starts to feel a sense of motion sickness creeping up on him. This time, he reaches his foot out and kicks Potter's shin with the toe of his shoe.
"Ou-" Potter squeals, quickly slapping a hand over his mouth to subdue his cries. No one turns around or notices anything.
Potter stares at Regulus, but he doesn't seem annoyed or angry, not like Tonks would have been. Instead, he appears to be... guilty. He grimaces and apologises once again for his "overly-caffeinated leg" (Potter's words) and then carries on taking down notes.
Regulus is confused. As much as he hates to admit it, he was the bad guy in that situation, so why did Potter apologise?
He doesn't dwell on it, returning to his own work instead.
By the time the lesson draws to a close, Regulus has kicked Potter four times, almost kicked him thirty-eight times, and has come up with seven different ways to remove Potter's legs. He's also earned four apologies from the Gryffindor.
As they're packing up, Slughorn announces that they are now old enough to attend the Potions club the school offers and that anyone who has a keen liking for the subject should sign up. Potter mumbles a quiet, "Goodbye, Regulus" and then heads off to the other side of the classroom to meet up with his friends. Regulus doesn't respond, he doesn't really get a chance to decide if he is going to before Potter is off.
He rolls his eyes and picks up his bag, placing it over his shoulder. He knows none of his friends will be interested in Potions club, except maybe Pandora, but doubtfully. Regulus still wants to join, his mother would probably make him sign up either way. So, he makes his way up to the front of the class and asks Slughorn to put his name down.
Evan, Barty, and Dorcas are waiting outside the classroom for him, just like he knew they would be.
Friday - 8th September, 1972
It's the end of their first week back and the Slytherins and Gryffindors are all squashed into greenhouse two. Regulus misses having Herbology with Pandora. Since tomorrow is technically the second weekend back after the summer, the Quidditch try outs will be taking place and Regulus is a bit scared.
He really wants to make the team. It's an embarrassingly desperate need of his to make it onto that team. Evan is just as eager, hoping to go for the open position of Chaser. Last year's Captain, Skylio Selwyn, left, resulting in the new Captain being Calvin Greengrass. Regulus doesn't know a lot about Calvin, other than the obvious fact that he is a part of the sacred twenty-eight and would likely win points from his parents for placing Regulus on the team. He is just hoping if he does get the spot as Seeker, it will be because of his skill, not his name.
Regulus has been daydreaming ever since Sprout said they would be doing theory work again today. Apparently, they don't get to do any practical work until next week. He just knows Pandora isn't going to be very happy about that.
His very important staring contest with a potted cactus sitting in the corner of the greenhouse is interrupted when a paper bird passes his face, brushing his nose. Regulus glances around the room, not finding anyone specific looking his way. He frowns down at the paper bird and unfolds it.
Good luck at try outs, little Seeker.
This time he stares around the room much more thoroughly, hoping to catch someone's eye, but no one looks back at him. It wouldn't be one of his friends because they wouldn't be so random as to send a paper bird at his face mid-Herbology lesson. Besides, they would come up with something much more creative than little Seeker. It must have been someone who knows he is going to try out for the team. Also, someone who he told about his aspirations to become the Slytherin Seeker specifically.
There is only one person who comes to mind, but Regulus shakes that thought away. There's no way he would still remember something so futile, said so long ago, during a two-hour period Regulus wishes he could forget.
When he looks up a final time, grey meets brown. James Potter is watching him. The brief moments of friendship they shared comes flying back at him. He really has tried to forget, but it isn't easy. James was the first person his age he had spoken to outside of his own family for years. He recalls how James had admitted to being afraid of the woods behind his house, the way his glasses had always seemed dirty, and how his favourite colour changes everyday. He finds himself wondering what colour is his favourite today, before brushing that aside and putting all of his effort into squinting at the other boy. A question.
Potter shrugs and gestures to the piece of paper expectantly. Does he... want Regulus to write something back?
An internal conflict rages within him for a few minutes. Eventually, he decides to pull his quill out and reply.
I only hope you get Chaser, so that
I can beat you
- R.A.B.
With a flick of his wand, the paper folds back up into the shape of a crane and flutters off towards the other side of the room. Somehow, no one else has noticed the silent interaction between the two boys. Regulus is relieved about that - he doesn't want anyone to know he is sharing notes with Potter in class.
He watches as Potter unfolds the note and his eyes scan over the words, a gentle smile playing at the corners of his mouth. For a moment, he glances up and they look at each other. Then, Regulus turns back to his cactus, but he is no longer daydreaming. Instead, he's thinking about what an annoying conundrum James Potter is.
Saturday - 9th September, 1972
Evan and Regulus are up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning. Today is the day they have been waiting for - Quidditch try outs. Regulus is in the shower first, shortly followed by Evan and then a very grouchy Barty, who was forced out of bed by Regulus. He promised the previous night that he would be up and in the stands, supporting them both. So, Regulus is forcing him to stand by that promise.
The girls are waiting for them when they finally make it down to the common room, Evan dragging a partly unconscious Barty by his pyjama top, because he had refused to change into anything else, insisting he needs to be comfortable.
Pandora squeals at the sight of them and jumps over to hug Evan and then Regulus. She holds her hands out, a pair of green and blue crocheted gloves in her hands.
"I made them for you over the summer," she grins and hands them over to him, "they are also slip-proof, so you can wear them when you're flying and you don't have to worry about your hands sliding off your broom."
"Thanks, Pandora," Regulus smiles down at her. He puts the gloves on and finds they fit perfectly. They start their way down to the Quidditch Pitch as soon as they are out of the dungeons. Barty complains about them missing breakfast, until Dorcas hands him a croissant and he shuts up. Regulus assumes she and Pandora ran off to the kitchens this morning before meeting the boys. He is grateful when she passes him a croissant too. He is going to need his strength.
The try outs go very well, if a little tediously. Regulus can spot Barty snoring away against Pandora's shoulder where they are sitting together with Dorcas in the stands. So far, Evan has been named the new Chaser and a girl named Aurora Nott has taken the open position of Beater. That leaves the Seeker position.
Regulus and one other boy, someone from the year above, are the only two people to have shown up for the role as Seeker. Regulus flies like he has never flown before, dodging incoming Bludgers whilst also diving into a wronsky feint and only narrowly missing the floor. That was his intention. He is going to put on a show and hope that works.
The boy, who Regulus finds out is called Amid Shafiq, only catches the Snitch two times during their practice games, whilst Regulus catches it during the three other games. This secures him the role as Seeker.
When Greengrass announces to the rest of the team that they have officially named all their new players, there are cheers all around. Dorcas, Pandora, and Barty all speed down to congratulate their friends. Evan is still sweating, from exertion or anxiety, Regulus doesn't know. He doesn't feel sweaty or out of breath, just relieved.
The next house to run their try outs is Gryffindor. Regulus watches as a sea of red begins to overcrowd the pitch, merging with the bundle of green. Potter and Frank Longbottom are the only new people he really recognises, the others most likely being from other years, otherwise he is sure he would recognise them.
Except, something is wrong.
Regulus marches over to Potter, who was apparently already on his way over to him. He stops dead a couple of feet away and tilts his head, staring up at the Gryffindor boy. Something isn't right. There is something different. Something obvious. It's-
Oh.
No, Regulus doesn't like it.
"Good morning, Regulus. Make the team, did you?" Potter asks and offers him a cheery smile.
Regulus frowns up at him, feeling an unjustifiable rage brew from within him. "Where are your glasses?"
Potter's eyebrows furrow in confusion. He glances at his friend and then back at Regulus. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, they aren't on your face, so where are your glasses?" Regulus repeats, frustrated now.
"In the changing room. I didn't want them to fall off my face in the middle of try outs, so I put in contact lenses instead. I don't underst-"
"You look stupid," Regulus cuts in. "You should put your glasses back on."
"Why?" Potter presses, grin widening.
Regulus huffs. "I just said why, espèce d'idiot."
"Woah, what was that?" Potter gapes down at him and Regulus rolls his eyes.
"French, obviously, Potter." Regulus isn't sure why it came out, usually it happens without his permission when he's annoyed about something or at someone. He looks up to find Potter, cheeks red from the chill in the morning air, eyes wide with surprise.
Regulus' friends come up from behind him and ask if he's alright. Pandora takes his hand and Regulus watches Potter notice the action, eyes averting between their linked hands and Regulus' face.
He wants to leave now, so he mumbles a "good luck" and ducks away from the rest of the incoming Gryffindors.
That night, Regulus returns to the Room of Requirement for the first time since discovering it's true name. Somehow, it feels even more special now, knowing he may be the only one to have ever found it. Thinking that Dumbledore may not even know how to locate the room.
He always asks for the museum, certain he could never want to go anywhere else but home. The first thing he does, just as always, is go to Reverie. It takes him longer, since he isn't crawling through an upstairs window, but is instead entering through where the front doors to the museum would be.
Regulus tells her all about his week back. He explains how he loathes that Potter is now his Potions partner instead of Remus. A part of him, for the first time since discovering these Muggle paintings, wishes she could react or even answer him when he tells her that he made the Quidditch team, because he knows his mother won't be proud. She would approve, but she would never be proud. His father probably would be, but he struggles to write to Regulus without Walburga noticing. Especially these days, when his illness is causing him to slowly whither away before Regulus' eyes.
The final thing he divulges to Reverie is his peculiar spiking anger that rose inside him at the sight of James Potter, glasses free.
***
Saturday - 23rd September, 1972
Sirius
James and Frank wake up every morning at the crack of dawn and it is disturbing Sirius' beauty sleep. He knows they are both ecstatic about making it onto the Gryffindor team - both Chasers - but that doesn't mean they need to practice every single morning. It isn't even their scheduled practices either, they do those on top of their own little ones. Sirius thinks they are mad.
This morning, however, James sends Frank on his way alone because today is the day. All three boys decided that they would wait until the full moon to announce to Remus that they know. Thinking back over it, Sirius isn't sure why they suggested that would be a good idea, but it's too late to turn back now.
James is already up and ready for the day, sitting on his bed making notes on some tracking spells they have been researching for the map. They all decided that Pete would design it and be the one to draw out the castle and make it look all pretty. He's the most skilled artist out of the four of them anyway.
Peter drags himself out of bed now and heads for the shower at the same time Sirius exits the bathroom, having already got dressed before leaving it. His hair is wet now and soaking through a bit onto his shoulders, making damp patches appear on his white t-shirt. He's wearing a Queen shirt and his regular black jeans. It always makes him feel closer to his mum when he dresses this way; they both have such similar styles.
James is decked out in a casual red hoodie and jeans. When Pete finally makes it out of the bathroom, they all sit on James' bed and wait around for Remus to wake up. They go over their plans for the map and agree that the Homonculous Charm would work best for what they are attempting to achieve.
"We should draw little stickmen people for everyone," Sirius suggests.
"As funny as that would be watching a stickman Filch roam the halls," James says around a laugh, "we want it to be authentic and demure, instead of silly. That is the aim, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Sirius nods in agreement. "Maybe just for Filch then and tags for everyone else." James doesn't argue this time.
A groan comes from behind Remus' bed curtains and is followed by a foot popping out of one side of the bed. Sirius giggles and goes over to nudge it with his own socked foot. It is quickly withdrawn and there is silence for a moment. Then, Remus' head slips through the curtains, hair flat on one side from where he sleeps on his side, like one of those weirdos. Honestly, sleeping on your stomach is the way to go, if you ask him.
"Remus," Sirius whispers gently, trying to sound serious-serious and not Sirius-serious. "We all have something we need to talk to you about." He smiles to show they aren't a threat, that they are his friends. He should not be worried. This is a good thing. That they know, not the whole werewolf thing. Sirius is sure Remus would rather not be classed as a dark creature.
"Okay," Remus yawns and then crawls out of bed. Sirius takes his hand, it's warm where it must have been under the duvet all night, and calloused where Sirius' is soft and smooth. He guides him over to join the other two boys, still waiting on James' bed.
"You lot are scaring me," Remus says, suddenly very awake. "What's wrong? Has something happened?"
"Nothing is wrong," Peter replies quickly. "Not wrong, it's fine. It is, honestly. There is no problem with it, at all."
Sirius almost slaps his hand to his forehead. Peter is talented at many things, but subtlety has never been one of them. He watches as James grimaces at Peter's lack of delicacy too. They all turn back to Remus, cautious smiles on their faces. Remus' eyes are wide with panic, his skin has turned four shades paler than normal, his cheeks are tinged a sickly green.
"What are you talking about, Pete?" He questions in a voice so small and broken, it brings tears to Sirius' eyes.
Sirius scoots closer to Remus on the bed and takes the boy's hand again. He begins tracing the scars that litter his fingers, smiling to himself. They really are beautiful, if he thinks about it. They are evidence of what Remus has been through; evidence that he survived it all, because he is strong.
"Remus," James speaks up, voice soft but steady, not a sign of pity anywhere, "between us, we have managed to put it together. We've known for a while now, but didn't want to leave you to worry about it over the summer, when there is literally nothing to worry about."
"James," Remus begs, like if James says it out loud, everything will change. Sirius watches as a tear falls from Remus' eye, trailing down his cheek. He wants to swipe it away, but decides not to. Remus is already strangling his hand.
"We know you are a werewolf," James says clearly. He frowns, staring at the duvet like he's thinking, and then licks his lips and slaps on a bright smile. "Wow, that was strange finally coming to you about it. Obviously, it is probably more strange for you. Remus, we just want you to know that we don't care. Well, of course we care, because we want you to be happy, but it doesn't change the way we all look at you. We all-"
"We all still love you!" Sirius interrupts and Remus' head turns slowly to face him instead. Somehow, his eyes grow sadder when they meet Sirius'. More tears fall and this time, Sirius reaches forward to wipe them away. "You're still our Remus," he grins.
"Yeah," Peter adds in. "You're still your lovely, perfect self. Actually, you could probably improve your History of Magic game, but who am I to judge?"
Remus chuckles at that, but it quickly turns into a sob.
"I can't believe you all know," he whispers. "What must you think of me?"
"Excuse me?" James questions, putting his hands on his hips, which looks a bit funny since he's sitting down. His expression is one of offence. "How could you even- why- Remus ! I can't talk for anyone else but myself, but trust me when I say, you are the most caring person I know."
"I'm a monster," Remus mutters wetly.
"You are not!" Peter shouts. "How could you say such a thing? Remus, you are literally a part of a Church choir and you go to theatre club."
"Peter!" Remus scolds. "I told you that in confidence!"
Sirius has no idea what they are on about, but he knows it isn't the most important thing right now, so he carries on.
"The most monstrous thing you do, Remus, is sleep on your side. If anyone is a monster in this room, it's Potter with his tenacity to get up at the arse-crack of dawn every single bloody morning."
"Trust me," James says, ignoring Sirius completely. "You said that to me once. Trust me when I tell you that it is not your fault you are a werewolf, you didn't ask for this. You are anything but a monster, Remus. I promise. Do you trust me?"
"Yes," Remus mumbles with a sniff. Peter hands him a tissue.
"Then, trust me- actually trust me when I tell you that you are not a monster. You aren't, because if you are a monster, then what does that make the rest of the world? What does that make me ?"
"I trust you," Remus nods, more tears spill out from the corners of his eyes.
"Thank you," James smiles at him and leans forward, across Peter and Sirius, to pull Remus into a hug. Peter joins in next, followed by Sirius. The next thing they know, Frank is coming through the door, wondering what is going on.
None of them answer his questions, but it's clear that most of them have been crying. So, Frank makes his way over and dumps himself on top of them all, wrapping his stinky arms around them. There is a chorus of groans as they all try to pull away, unsuccessfully.
Frank smiles down at them and says, "Embrace it," before squeezing them all tighter against his smelly underarms.
Sunday - 24th September, 1972
The next morning, James and Frank go off on their early Quidditch run like the sociopaths they are. Peter remains in bed until Sirius leaves the dorm, Ayers perched calmly on his shoulder. He is on his way to the infirmary, hoping to catch Remus and see how he is feeling after last night's moon.
It had all gone much better than he hoped it would. He knows it will take a little while to adjust to the fact that they all openly know now and can talk about it, maybe even someday joke about it. But they also have to be careful when mentioning it around Frank. Sirius is hoping a visit from Ayers will help to bring a smile to Remus' face, just as it has done in the past.
When Sirius enters the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey instructs him to stay quiet because Remus is still asleep, but does allow him to sit beside him until he wakes. She says it's nice, Remus having people who care enough about him to wait by his bedside. There have been some mornings where Sirius would arrive, with a combination of the other boys, and Remus' father would be there. They would share small conversation until Remus woke up and it was nice. Lyall Lupin is a lot like his son that way. Easy to talk to.
Sirius is only sat waiting for five minutes before Remus starts to stir. Before he even opens his eyes, a smile blooms on his face and he murmurs, "Sirius."
"How did you know?" Sirius laughs softly.
Remus' eyes open and fly to Sirius' shoulder. He grins and holds his hands out, waiting for Sirius to pass Ayers to him. Other than Sirius himself, Remus is the closest one to Ayers out of the boys. Always checking to make sure he's getting enough food and light, making sure his water is filled up and the correct temperature.
Sirius passes Ayers over and watches fondly as Remus coos over the little gecko.
"I knew because I have a heightened sense of smell," Remus mumbles self-consciously, so Sirius gathers that it must be a werewolf trait of his.
"That's so cool!" Sirius beams, taking Remus by surprise. "Is that how you could smell magic? And how you found the passageway to Honeydukes?"
Remus shrugs. "I guess so."
"Amazing," Sirius breathes, staring at his friend in awe. "Is there anything else you can do?"
Remus hesitates before responding. "When it's closer to a full moon, all of my senses are sharper. I can see things from further away and sense other people or animals that a normal human shouldn't be able to do. Like, if someone is on a different side of a wall to me and they haven't told me they're there, I could name them by their smell alone. I can hear heartbeats and smell... uh, different feelings sometimes."
"Feelings?" Sirius questions, eyebrows bending down.
"If someone is sad or angry or excited, I can usually differentiate between them. Among other things," Remus explains.
"Remus, that's..." Sirius shakes his head. "I mean, forget monster or whatever it was you had the audacity to call yourself, you have superpowers! You're a superhero!"
Remus' cheeks turn red and Sirius smiles at the sight of his bashful friend. Honestly, how on earth could he ever believe he is a monster?
"Go on then," Sirius says, propping his feet up on the edge of Remus' bed to get comfortable. "Give me my word for the day."
"Cariad," Remus whispers and smiles when he says the word.
Sirius leans forward, eager to know the meaning. "What does it mean?"
"Many things," Remus looks at him. "My mum usually calls me cariad when I'm at home. It can be a pet name, like sweetheart or love, but it can also mean love-love."
"Cariad," Sirius echoes back to him. His stomach squirms and feels all like spaghetti when Remus' eyes close, a smile of comfort and satisfaction making it's way onto his face as it spills softly from Sirius' mouth. "Cariad."
Wednesday - 27th September, 1972
Sirius and James are in the library "studying". The only reason Sirius involved himself in the little study group last year was because he was having a last-minute crisis about Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts. Now, he doesn't really see the point in wasting his time sitting around in the stinky, old library, going over things he already knows but doesn't really need to until next May anyway.
He's twizzling all of the little hairs on the feather of his quill, making them stick up in all directions, when Black enters the library with Pandora Rosier. Sirius actually quite likes Pandora, she is one of Xeno's Ravenclaw friends and he's hung out with them both multiple times. She doesn't seem to mind the fact that Sirius has a rivalry going with her best friend. That might be the thing he likes most about her, she's a shrug it off kind of person.
Black and Pandora take a seat at one of the tables opposite where James and Sirius are sitting. Sirius' mind ventures back to the summer, that night when Remus was around and his parents had reacted strangely to Regulus Black's name. He still hasn't figured out why they would react this way, it's not like Regulus is special or famous or anything. Okay, yes, his family is quite important in the Wizarding world, but that doesn't actually mean anything.
Sirius' only theory is that the Black family must have associated themselves with one or both of his parents in the past and it ended badly. Either that or they had a friend in the Black family once upon a time who they don't speak to anymore. It has to be something related to their school years, since Ted and Andy both ran away when they were only eighteen. Perhaps, they abandoned a friend when they left, someone from the Black household.
He isn't sure what happened, but he feels like it's Regulus' fault, so he doesn't stop himself from glaring at the boy whenever he feels like it.
Black meets his glare and raises an eyebrow, just as he does most times when he catches Sirius sending him the evils. Sirius grits his teeth to prevent himself from yelling across the library, demanding to know what about Regulus could possibly be important enough that it would have effected his parents so.
He restrains himself, which is a rather difficult thing for Sirius to do. But he does, turning back to his quill, which is lying snapped in half atop of his empty piece of parchment. Did he do that?
"How did you manage that?" James chuckles from beside him. He reaches into his bag, sitting on the chair on his other side, and pulls out a fresh quill for Sirius to use.
"Thanks," he responds. "Just Black." With a small nod in the direction of the table opposite, Sirius gestures to where Black is. James follows Sirius' movement and his eyes settle on the Slytherin, who is currently allowing Pandora to draw all over the back of his hand. They are giggling between themselves at the images that are too small for Sirius to make out from all the way over here.
He turns to find James watching the scene still. James isn't smiling, but he isn't scowling like Sirius is either. He knows James has never found it within himself to make jokes about Black, nor has he ever been able to provoke him like Sirius and Peter do sometimes. Sirius guesses it's some kind of subconscious loyalty to the boy that still exists from the day they all met, when Sirius had found James and Black, laughing with each other in a similar way to how Pandora and Regulus are now.
James stares over at them for a second longer and then casts his eyes back down to his parchment, all traces of any emotion lost. When Sirius looks over at Black once more, he finds the boy glancing over. At James, not Sirius.
Huh.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
espèce d'idiot = you bloody moron (French)
cariad = love/sweetheart (Welsh)
I use translate for this, so if it's wrong feel free to correct me in the comments!The 'Ombud' is the correct name for the black ball that Sirius also got for his birthday. The one Regulus got is the same thing. I created this and it does not exist in the HP universe, nor anywhere else. 'Ombud' means many things, but one of the definitions are 'helper', which is what it means in this story.
MENTIONS:
-Amycus is really gone! whooooo
-those new Potions partner choices are interesting 👀
-LITTLE SEEKER! little seeker will return! that's so cute to me omg :(
-also, James remembered from a year ago that Reg wants to be a seeker :(
-them casually "disliking" each other and then passing notes in class
-Regulus? are you okay? why do you care that James isn't wearing his glasses? hello?
-Regulus' pov is longer because he had more to say, that is my only excuse!
-I personally sleep on my back and don't understand how people can sleep any other way
-THEY CONFRONTED REMUS! I had no idea how I was going to write that, but I'm hoping I gave the scene justice, especially for you guys!! I am personally very happy with the way it turned out :)
-Just Frank. ❤
-not Sirius' "huh" at the end. he is thinking "...suspicious...👀"OKAY, rant over. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! I am so proud of my consistency right now omg. Let me know your thoughts! I love receiving your comments and getting to reply to them all! Thank you! x
Chapter 18: Second Year: Sing To Us!
Summary:
The marauders prank the entire school.
James starts Potions club.
The first Quidditch game of the year starts - Slytherin vs. Gryffindor!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-some Remus self deprecation
-brief abuse by Lily (hits two people upside the back of the head)
-someone being bullied by their sibling (Petunia warning)
-signs of ADHD (spacing out/fidgeting/ticking)
-Barty singing (he can't sing)
-someone is touched when they don't want to be (arm over the shoulder)/brief mention of claustrophobiaHave fun!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yeah, but it's oh so absurd
For you to say the first word
So you're waiting and waiting
~ Arctic Monkeys
Thursday - 28th September, 1972
Remus
It is during their third week back that they finally get back to pranking. The Slytherins still haven't retaliated to the snakes prank the marauders played on them right before summer started. Remus isn't sure they ever will, they probably don't care enough to.
It has been five days since the full moon. Five days since the boys confronted him about his furry little problem. He's written his tad about it and is yet to receive a response, and has allowed himself to only freak out about it properly once. He hates that Sirius knows. He isn't sure why he is so specific when it comes to Sirius having knowledge about his lycanthropy, but he just is. Remus knows it must have been difficult looking at him for the first time and offering to be his friend, because next to Sirius Tonks, he is nothing. Discovering that he was not only nothing special, but had a werewolf prowling just beneath his skin, seeping out through his scars - that must have made being his friend even harder.
Except... Sirius hadn't reacted the way Remus thought he would. He is still his friend, never a trace of disgust or fake affection in his eyes. The only thing he has offered is kindness and understanding, so maybe Remus hadn't given Sirius enough credit.
All three of them have been understanding in a way that holds more kindness than it does pity, though the pity does shine through sometimes. Like with the prank they are planning to set up tonight. They waited until long enough after the moon for Remus to be recovered fully, so that he can help.
They shuffle onto the staircase outside their dormitory and chuck James' cloak over their heads. Luckily, it is still an easy fit for them all, but Remus imagines it won't be so comfortable next year, nor the ones following that. He and James walk in the back because they are the tallest out of the four boys, whilst Peter and Sirius take the front. They manage to get through the common room and out of the portrait hole easily enough, never removing the cloak.
It takes them over half an hour to tackle the moving staircases, with all of them having to put in the work to remain together and safely hidden beneath the cloak's protective barrier. Once they reach the ground floor of the castle, careful to avoid Peeves, who is getting yelled at by the Slytherin house's ghost, the Bloody Baron, they start off towards the Great Hall. It doesn't take them very long at all.
With a quick glance around, Sirius shoves the cloak away from himself, almost hitting Remus in the face accidentally. He huffs, offended, but doesn't receive any kind of apology. Sirius is too focused on the task at hand, staring right ahead at the large entrance to the Great Hall. The doors are at least four times their height and about three of them wide, if they were laying down. It won't take all of four of them to hold and maintain the spell, so the two of them that aren't going to be doing anything will work as lookouts for Filch and Mrs Norris instead.
James suggested Sirius and Remus be the ones to complete the spell, claiming they were the most confident with these types of spells. Peter hadn't been offended by this, only nodding eagerly in agreement. Sirius accepted this plan immediately, but Remus had been confused, saying he was not better than James at magic. The response he got to that had been raucous laughter, so he dropped the matter.
James and Peter move to either side of the entrance hall, wands ready, watching out for any sign of an intrusion. Remus gets to work, casting the spell, humming it almost silently. Beside him, Sirius is doing the same thing, wand pointed at the doorway.
Nothing changes physically, but they know they have successfully managed it because they practiced a more temporary version on Frank a couple of days ago.
As soon as it's done, they all file back under the cloak and begin their journey back to Gryffindor Tower. Just as he has done every other night they sneak out past curfew, Remus catches the distant scent of Regulus Black, wandering through the shadowed corridors, somewhere below them. He wonders where Regulus goes to every night.
Friday - 29th September, 1972
The next morning, Remus is woken up very early by a wide awake James Potter, who instructs him to get out of bed and get ready. Reluctantly, he listens, knowing they need to get down to the Great Hall before anyone else does, so they can see the full results of their prank.
They are the first students to arrive to breakfast, but they aren't the first people. Dumbledore is sat at his seat in the centre of the teacher's table. He smiles down at them all, blue eyes twinkling, and bellows out, "Gooooood morninggggg!"
Sirius has to catch himself against Remus' arm, laughing so hard he almost tumbles over. James and Peter fall into hysterical giggles and Remus stares in horror at their headmaster, who has just sung the words "Good morning" to them. He hadn't thought of the possibility that the professors would be effected by the prank, in which everything anyone in the school says for the next twenty-four hours will be sung rather than spoken. Dumbledore must have walked through the invisible barrier they set up the night before.
"That was priceless!" Sirius sings gracefully. Remus is jealous and now very self-conscious. How is he going to survive the day singing everything he needs to say? This prank has sort of backfired...
"Let's go find a seat," James croons, laughing and holding a hand over his mouth at the sound of his own voice.
"You guys can actually sing! I can't for shit!" Peter chants, sounding less talented than the other two boys, but not completely out of tune that it could cause sufficient harm to someone's ears.
"Come on, Remuuusss," Sirius says, opera-style. "Sing to usss! Show us that Church choir talent."
Remus sends a glare Peter's way and shakes his head no. They take their seats at the table and wait as people start to fill up the room. Some noticing the strange singing straight away, while others don't realise what is happening until they join their friends.
The four boys watch avidly as the Slytherins enter through the barrier, completely unsuspecting. None of them seem to talk on their way over to their seats, which is a bit disappointing. It is Evan who speaks first, it carries across the hall, smooth and stretched like a song.
"Thank Merlin it's Friiiiidayyyy." Evan smacks both hands over his mouth, face turning cherry-red. It's strange hearing the boy sing, Remus has barely heard him speak much. He seems more confident around his friends, but in Potions when they are partnered up, he doesn't talk a lot. He is more shy than his sister and his other friends.
"Evan?" Barty choruses, eyes going wide at the sound of his own singing. The four Slytherins and one Ravenclaw all stare at each other, none of them talking any further. Then, at once, they turn to the Gryffindor table and make direct eye contact with the marauders.
Sirius wiggles his fingers at them and smiles sweetly. Peter giggles next to James, who is staring right at the Slytherins, as if daring one of them to say something. Remus raises an eyebrow and smirks, before swivelling in his seat to face his friends again. They don't hear anymore singing come from the Slytherins.
When Lily discovers she has been pranked, she marches over to the four of them and hits Peter and Sirius upside the head, sparing Remus and James as if they hadn't obviously been involved too. "You are stupid, the lot of you!" She sings, face burning bright red beneath her freckles. Her glare is pointed directly at Remus, likely because he is closest to her and she probably expected him to warn her beforehand. Whoops.
Without speaking, he shrugs and continues to dig into his chocolate chip pancakes. Lily huffs and drops into the seat beside James, who leans away from her slightly, face uncomfortable. Remus heard that last year Peter revealed to James Lily's little crush on him. Honestly, he doesn't understand how James couldn't see it before. If Peter had noticed, surely the rest of the school did too. Including James.
Lily pulls out a quill and a pile of sticky notes from her bag. She dips her quill into her ink pot and starts scratching out something. She rips the sticky note off the pile once she's finished and sticks it to the palm of her hand. Remus frowns in confusion, until Lily holds up her hand as if she's in class, except much lower.
How long is this spell going
to last?
"Only twenty-four hours, Evans," Peter responds and then blushes because of the spell. Lily smiles at him and nods a thank you.
When the owls arrive to deliver the morning post, Remus grins at the sight of the familiar owl his tad usually sends when responding to his letters. He rips off a bit of pancake from his plate and feeds it to the owl before he unties the letter from around it's leg. It hoots gratefully and then takes off again. Remus unfolds the letter and smiles as he reads it.
To Remus,
I am very happy to hear that you were able to share this information with your new friends. It makes me feel comfortable knowing you have people who you can trust with something as important as this. Your friends are right, you are amazing and you deserve to hear that, my boy. It is true. You are not a monster and it is careless for you to call yourself such a thing. Never let your mam hear you say that, she will riot.
If you would like to, you can invite someone around to spend Christmas with us this year, since you mentioned you would be returning. I miss you, Remus, of course I do. But I must say, that young Marie misses you just as much. I think she may fancy you, son. Don't worry, I won't say anymore on that subject. I remember how you reacted when I suggested something between you and that Lily girl. Are you still friends with her?
Your mam sends her love and says she misses you very much. We can't wait to see you at Christmas this year! I hope the moon wasn't too cruel to you this month, Remus. Know that you can always write to us whenever you feel you need to, or want to. You could even go to McGonagall and request a floo call, or request that I come to you. Anything, my boy.
I can't believe it's already almost been a month since you left. It is almost spooky season, so have fun! I hope you are enjoying your lessons. Write to you soon.
Love, tad.
Once he's finished reading it, he tucks it away in his pocket. He will put it with the other letters he's received from his parents later. His mind goes back to Marie's wooden jewellery box, the one filled with his letters. He already misses her, and Cara and Felix. It's annoying because he knows that if he were in Wales with them right now, he would miss being at Hogwarts with Sirius, James and Peter.
His hand brushes against the moonstone Sirius gave him in the summer. He traces it beneath his fingertips, it's comforting. Strange, he never thought something named after the moon would ever bring him comfort.
Their first lesson of the day is Defence Against the Dark Arts. The new professor is much better than the one they had last year, but worse than Professor Fortescue. Remus was disappointed when he found out she wouldn't be coming back this year. Alice was just about the only student who wasn't. Nothing interesting happens in the lesson, other than Professor Senfast singing horrendously out of tune, sending the entire class into fits of laughter. Senfast doesn't mind, laughing right along with them. He isn't so bad, Remus supposes.
Things really start to kick off in Transfiguration. They sit in their usual seats, Sirius and Peter sharing one table, with Remus and James sat at the one beside theirs. Regulus and Dorcas in front. Remus is yet to talk and he would like to keep it that way. Apparently, Barty has decided to embrace it and has even begun doing little dances and clicking his fingers together to the beat of what he's saying. Remus hears him let out an off-tune "Nyahhhhh!" and almost loses it.
He turns to find James writing a note and assumes it's for Remus, so that he doesn't have to sing out loud. James doesn't send it his way though and Remus only catches three simple words before James is folding it into the shape of a crane and sending it shooting through the air to the table in front of them: Hello, little Seeker.
Remus furrows his eyebrows and watches as Regulus turns slightly to look at James, a question in his eyes. He reads the paper and places it on his table, ignoring it. Remus guesses he isn't going to respond, until he gestures to Dorcas' quill already lying on the table. She nods and Regulus picks it up, dipping it in the ink well sat between them on their shared desk, and starts writing out a response back.
James' leg starts to bounce, shaking the table, and Remus has to tap him on the shoulder and signal for him to stop. James chants a soft "Sorry" and then forgets completely about his leg, instead focusing on the crane heading back his way. Since when did James and Regulus send notes to each other in class?
Remus is subtle in the way he peers over James' shoulder to read the response.
What do you want, Potter?
James starts scribbling out words, not even trying to hide them from Remus, who unashamedly reads the note.
To hear you sing, of course.
Also, to wish you luck for the Quidditch match
next Saturday. You're going to need it.
The bird flutters through the air once again, landing on the desk in front. Regulus reads it and turns back to James, raising an eyebrow as if to say, "Really, Potter? You're the one who's going to need luck."
A few moments later, the bird returns and this time, Remus leans into James' space purposefully, reading it with him. James doesn't seem to mind, tilting the paper, so that Remus can see it more clearly.
If anyone around here needs luck,
it's going to be you, Potter. I'm not going to sing
or let you win the game.
Remus snorts. Regulus said almost exactly what Remus thought he would. He slumps back in his chair as McGonagall begins the lesson. James sends a final note, only two words: Game on.
There isn't a response.
In Charms, Remus works with Lily, both of them trying their best to remember to communicate only using sticky notes. Luckily, today is not a practical lesson. They just have to work together to make a giant mind map based on everything they learnt last year and how they can link it to the theory of what they have so far learnt this year.
They finish much earlier than everyone else, mainly because Lily has an uncanny ability to retain any and all information, recalling it at a second's notice.
Lily starts writing something down on a sticky note, probably beginning a conversation to pass the time. Remus waits patiently for her to finish whatever it is she wants to say. Apparently a lot, because she covers an entire sticky note in the smallest handwriting Remus has ever seen and then passes them over to him with an apologetic grimace. He takes them and starts reading them, Lily's voice playing in his head.
Random rant warning!
Did I ever mention that I have a sister? Well, I do. She is a M uggle and hates the fact that I am a witch and she is not, so she is sort of horrible to me whenever I go back home. The only people who really know about her are Mary, Marlene and Severus. I can't really talk to Severus about Petunia (that is her name) because he once tried to drop a tree branch on her head. (That is a long story for another time.) And I've spoken to Marlene and Mary about her but I still don't feel better about the whole situation and you can be comforting, Remus. So, I was just wondering... would you mind if I vented to you? We don't really have much else to do to pass the time. Please? :(
Remus smiles at her and nods at the sticky notes, so she passes them along to him. He writes out a quick 'Yes' and then proceeds to wait a whole seven minutes and forty-two seconds (not that he was counting) for her to finish writing out a response.
When he finally receives it, he braces himself.
So, I was talking to my mum all about school and telling her about all of the stuff I had learnt last year (because this happened over the summer). Petunia walked in and started laughing at everything I was saying, calling me a 'freak' (that is her favourite word to use for me). I shouted
at her to stop because it was rude and it made me upset, but my mum only told me off and said that I should be more understanding because my
sister was only acting out because she was upset she didn't also get to experience everything I can. I agreed with her and went to apologise to
Pet, but she yelled at me to go away and leave her alone. She said if I was a good sister then I would have never gone off to Hogwarts without her. It
turns out that whilst I was at school all year, she told all of the kids in our neighbourhood that I was a freak who 'claimed I could do strange things,
but couldn't actually'. My own sister! So, all of the kids we grew up with, who used to be both of our friends, started treating me like I was weird and I only really had Sev all summer. He's great (to me) and everything, but ever since we started going to the same school, he's been more possessive over me and I don't like it, but I also don't know what to do about it. Marlene and Mary told me to 'drop him' and I know that is probably your first thought too, but he is one of my oldest friends... I can't just do that, not when he has been there for
me when other people haven't. So, now whenever I go home, I am going to be the town freak, but when I am at Hogwarts I have Sev following me around like if I'm not hanging out with him for five seconds, he is going to die. Sorry if this has been really long and very random, I just thought you would understand, since you always seem to just get everyone. Thank you for listening :)
Remus blinks, trying to let all of that sink in. He reads it twice before formulating a reply. He isn't really sure what he should say to that. It's not like he can relate, he doesn't have any siblings. Though, he supposes, he could relate to the part where she feels like the town freak. After all, Remus has always felt like a freak, wherever he is.
No offence, but your sister sounds awful and I do not want to meet her ever. If she thinks you are a freak, she should meet the rest of us. Lily, you are not a freak. It is a bit freaky how smart you are, but other than that, you're a very nice person.
I don't know how good I am at this whole 'getting everyone' thing you said, but I do know this: You would never call anyone a freak, whether it's because they are different or because they
are not. Do you want to know why? Because you are kind and that is what makes you better than all those other people. Your mum should not let your sister treat you that way, nor should she make you feel guilty for being yourself. It is not your fault
that your sister was not born with magic. It is not your fault that you were born with magic. It is simply just how it is. As for Snape, I don't know what to say there. Maybe just tell him he needs to
settle down because it's making you feel on edge. Assure him he is still your friend, but that the definition of 'friend' is not 'stalker'.
Sorry if this didn't help you at all :/
He sticks the sticky note on her forearm when he's finished, making her let out a soft chuckle. She reads it, frowning the entire time. Remus is worried he has said something wrong. He isn't sure how he has earned the reputation of "getting everyone". He doesn't even get himself, never mind the rest of the world.
Thank you. That did help, Remus.
You are better at this than you think.
Remus' lips curl up in the corners as he nudges Lily playfully with his foot. He is glad that she felt comfortable enough to tell him this stuff. The validation that he is capable of being a good friend, a good person, makes it easier for him to do so on days when he feels like the effort isn't worth it. Reminding him that it is. Worth it.
***
James
After Charms, the Gryffindors split ways with the Hufflepuffs and make their way to the dungeons for Potions. James wonders how many times Regulus will have to kick him today just to stop his leg bouncing about. Look, it isn't his fault he gets anxious, but he does feel bad. He knows it is distracting.
Today has been a weird day. Their prank has worked, which is great. James has been listening to people sing their words all day, some better than others. Remus had outright refused to speak, so none of the boys have had the joy of listening to his Choir voice yet. Nor has Regulus Black. James can't stop himself from pondering whether Regulus would have a nice singing voice or not. For some reason, he thinks he would. He does seem the sort of person who would never sing in front of others, but as soon as he is alone he would be singing his heart out. James is a bit like that, especially when he's in the shower or home alone, dancing terribly around his empty house.
The Slytherins already fill up half of the classroom when the Gryffindors arrive. Barty jumps up from his chair and skips over to Alice, loudly declaring that he will now be stealing Azalia for the next hour. James can't help but wince at the way his voice cracks around the spell. Alice rolls her eyes and wishes Azalia good luck, quiet enough that James barely catches her words. Probably because she doesn't want anyone to hear her singing.
James laughs on the way to his seat all the way in the opposite corner of the room. He catches multiple people carolling their words. Mulciber, who sounds like a demented troll, and the Slytherin girls Violetta something and Josephine whoever, both of whom have beautiful singing voices. Unfortunately, Snape is one of the people who have refrained from saying anything all day. James would have liked to find out what he sounded like under the spell.
He places his bag under the table with a clunk and pulls out the empty stool beside Regulus. Once he's sat, he has to consciously makes the effort not to start fidgeting. The other boy doesn't talk to him, doesn't even give off any indication that he's noticed James' presence. He simply stares towards the front of the room where Slughorn is shuffling through some papers, back dead-straight, eyes zoned out.
James looks at him once more and then decides he isn't going to get anything out of him - yet - so he focuses on pulling his notebook out of his bag, along with his quill and ink. Slughorn talks them through the theory behind brewing a Strengthening Solution and it's properties. James jots everything down right before Slughorn says it, already confident in these sorts of Potions. He has been learning them since he can remember. He smiles at the memories he has of himself and Monty, locked away in their lab back home, James wearing goggles far too big for his head that also managed to somehow cover his glasses. Laughing over the little sparks that the Potions emit, little popping noises accompanying the fizzling.
He is so deeply spaced out that he doesn't realise when his leg begins to jump about against the footrest on his stool, knee lightly shaking the table.
"Potter, would you sto-" James' head snaps to the side, suddenly very aware of his surroundings. He stares at Regulus, eyes wide behind his glasses, surprise filling every part of his body. Regulus just... sang. And James had been right, he can sing. Very, very well.
Regulus' hands are plastered over his mouth, his eyes are large and furious as he glares at James, as if he's tricked him. He didn't. It's not his fault he spaces out and doesn't notice his leg fidgeting.
"Merde," Regulus mumbles and James feels a rush of exhilaration pass through his veins at the sound of that singing voice again. In French.
James knows he is staring- gaping even, but he can't really help it. He thought Sirius had a beautiful singing voice, and he does, but it is nothing compared to the graceful, easy-flowing lull of Regulus'. James swallows, looking away, and starts to chuckle under his breath. When he sneaks a glimpse of Regulus, he finds the boy watching him curiously. Regulus raises an eyebrow slightly, so James rips off the bottom half of his parchment that he hasn't filled up with scribbled notes and begins to write an answer.
Once he's finished, he sends it sliding along the surface of his table with a flick of his wand. Both of Regulus' eyebrow rise higher now, and James is afraid they are going to get lost in his hair. He hadn't written a lot, just the truth. Just what he had been thinking when he heard Regulus sing.
You have a nice singing voice.
His lips quiver and his expression wavers for a moment. He doesn't look at James, just stares at the parchment, conflict clear on his face once again, just as it had been that day in Herbology when James sent him a note to wish him luck at try outs.
Just as he knew he would, James watches as Regulus trepidatiously picks up his quill, dipping it in the ink. He holds it above the parchment for a long time, thinking hard about what he will say, so James averts his eyes and pretends to add more to his notes. There isn't really anything else he can add or change, but he pretends so that Regulus won't feel too watched.
After almost ten minutes of nothing, James feels a small nudge on the outward side of his pinkie. Just before the other boy has the chance to pull his hand away, James catches the sight of his own pinkie extended. James spots a little note on the table and picks it up, unravelling it instantly. Regulus has diverted his attention back to his own notes now. James reads over the note eagerly, not quite sure why his body is anticipating the response so much.
Eight years of singing lessons will do that.
You could do with a lesson or two.
James has to stifle the laugh that threatens to burst out of him. Regulus' lack of hesitation when it comes to insulting him usually makes him feel worse about himself, but this time... it feels less cruel and more friendly. Well, maybe not friendly. But it feels like Regulus is joking with him rather than trying to be openly mean.
He sends the paper back across the table after he's written down his own comeback.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
My singing is wondrous, a gift to everyone's ears.
Regulus' stony expression flickers once more, like a flame in the wind. James doesn't think Regulus would be the fire of the flame, he thinks he would be the smoke that comes after it's died out. James smiles as Regulus' face softens slightly. He turns the parchment over and writes a reply quickly.
My ears want a receipt.
And this time, James can't prevent the guffaw he lets out, muffling it behind his palm.
Sunday - 1st October, 1972
While James apparently did have the ability to crack Regulus on Friday, none of the boys managed to get Remus to speak up. Or sing up. Either way, he remained silent until the following morning when the spell broke, much to everyone's disappointment.
James is very excited that it is finally Sunday. Today is the first day of Slughorn's Potions club, which James signed up for as soon as Slughorn announced it to the class. None of his friends are going with him, much to his disappointment. Not even Remus, who is amazing at Potions. So, after lunch, James wanders down to the dungeons by himself.
He hums a tune on the way. He has been doing this a lot since Friday, apparently his mind is still used to hearing singing everywhere and hasn't readjusted yet. James recognises a couple of people from his year, also on their way to Slughorn's classroom. Edgar and Amelia Bones, the Hufflepuff twins, are the first people he notices. Astro Sayre, one of the Ravenclaw boys in his year, is walking beside them. Behind those three there is another group of students. James only knows two of them, assuming the others are in different years. The two he does know are Florence Spring and Bradley Harvetz, both of whom he only knows because they are friends with Remus and Sirius. He recalls last Christmas when he, Remus and Sirius had spent the two weeks when they had no lessons with Bradley and Azalia. James hasn't really spoken to Bradley since.
He makes his way over now, hopefully not interrupting any conversations. Bradley grins at him and asks if James is also on his way to Potions club. When he hears that James is in fact going there, Bradley claps him on the back and includes him in his conversation with Florence and a Hufflepuff he doesn't know.
Between then and arriving at the Potions classroom, James finds out that the Hufflepuff is Archie Macmillan, Florence's cousin. They don't talk about much, mainly taking guesses on what they will be learning in the club, as well as who will turn up.
When they enter the classroom, they find everyone already sat in their chosen pairs. Florence and Bradley offer to pull up a chair so that James can join them and they can work as a three, but James politely declines the offer, saying he can find someone else to work with. Archie goes off with one of his other Hufflepuff friends.
James glances around the room properly for the first time and is surprised when his eyes settle on curly, black hair, sitting alone at one of the front tables. He gives the room a once over and discovers that there is a remaining empty table towards the back of the classroom. It's either sit there alone or sit with Regulus.
Regulus hasn't noticed him yet, so he completely misses the schism raging in James' mind. Slughorn will probably tell them to just work together anyway. Besides, they are already Potions partners in their lessons every week, so surely it won't be so bad.
Regulus doesn't look his way once, not until James is sliding into the seat next to him, sending him a shy grin.
"Potter? Why are you here right now?" Regulus asks, sounding exhausted.
"Potions," James says, gesturing to the room around them. "That was pretty obvious, Regulus. Are you feeling alright?"
"No," Regulus growls. "Why are you here ? Go sit somewhere else."
James glances to the back of the classroom, where the previously empty table is now full. "There isn't anywhere else to sit. We will just have to be partners again."
"Well," Regulus says, standing up from his chair and grabbing his bag, "I guess I am going then. See you around, Potter."
"What? No, don't leave just because you don't like me!" James calls, stopping Regulus before he can properly escape. "I won't fidget, I really won't, and if I do, you can kick me to your heart's content. I know you like doing that."
Regulus squints and stares at James long enough to make him feel uncomfortable. He squirms in his seat, swallows, feels very aware of everything he is doing, the way he is breathing and if there is anything smudged on his glasses. Eventually, the Slytherin sighs and slumps back down in his chair, completely abusing his bag the way he throws it to the ground. James only hopes he hasn't got any inkwells in there, otherwise they would have surely just smashed and will definitely stain his bag.
"There we go," James cheers. "It could be worse, at least I am competent when it comes to brewing potions. You could have been blessed with the gift that is Peter's brewing skills."
Regulus snorts and then catches himself and glares in James' direction. It isn't James' fault he made him laugh, so he doesn't understand that reaction.
When Slughorn arrives, he beams at the result, apparently not having anticipated receiving a classroom full of students. He ticks off everyone's names on a piece of parchment and then begins explaining that they will be starting off with fourth year Potions, so it's equal to the younger and older students. Not too difficult for the younger years, but not too simple for those who are in fifth year and above. He then goes to say that by the time the summer term is here, they will be learning Potions not on any school year's syllabus, as well as having a go at creating their own potions.
James is excited and feels the sudden urge to fidget. He doesn't, remembering his promise to the boy next to him. The first thing they are instructed to brew is an antidote for a water-based poison. James has past experience with these sorts of antidotes, having observed his father brew many over the years for St Mungos. The instructions are written out on the board, ready for them to start, so James goes over to get the cauldron and Regulus grabs the ingredients. They don't speak, it's just natural after having done this so many times during their classes together.
They both return back to their shared workspace and immediately get to work. When it is time to add the lemon juice, James suggests adding a couple of extra drops than what it says to on the board.
"We aren't supposed to-"
"Just trust me, I've seen my father brew these sorts of potions hundreds of times. More lemon juice." He points at the lemon that is waiting patiently in Regulus' hand. Regulus does as he is told and squeezes a couple more drops into the solution.
He points the drained lemon and his finger directly in James' face. James stares at the tip of his fingernail, cross-eyed. "If that ruins this, I will squeeze lemon juice into your eyeballs."
"Noted," James laughs nervously, not doubting for a second that Regulus very much would do that.
"Okay," Regulus says, turning back to the cauldron, "I think it's almost finished. One of us just has to stir it anti-clockwise for three and a quarter minutes and then stir it clockwise for forty-five seconds. Then, we just leave it with the lid on for ten and that's it."
"Would you like to stir?" James asks, remembering the last time he offered to stir the potion. When Regulus ended up getting attacked by the Horklump Juice's gas.
"Yes, thank you."
James passes him the long stirring spoon and watches over the top of the cauldron, the solution visibly transforms from turquoise to baby-blue. He smiles, knowing they have done it just right. After their time is up, Slughorn goes around the classroom, admiring everyone's work. Most people have got it correct, if not very nearly. He stops at James and Regulus' and chuckles giddily.
"Did you happen to add extra lemon juice?"
"Yes, sir," James beams at the older man, who is rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet out of excitement.
"Excellent," Slughorn whispers. "That is precisely what I hoped someone would do. I am extremely proud of both of your knowledge when it comes to antidotes, especially for second years! Though, I suppose it runs in your family, eh, Mr Potter?" He winks at James, who feels his face burn a bright red.
"Yes, Professor," he smiles back but it feels fake.
Slughorn moves on and James drops the façade, eyes hesitantly meeting Regulus'. He hopes the other boy won't ask about what Slughorn means. He hopes even more that he doesn't already know. It's mortifying, thinking about all of the people who style their hair every morning with a product that has his name written on it. He is proud of his father's high success, but it isn't half embarrassing getting attention for it sometimes.
James is grateful when Regulus does not speak up and instead, turns back to further inspect their potion.
Saturday - 7th October, 1972
On the morning of the first Quidditch game of the school year, James and Frank sit with the team rather than their friends. Other than them, the only other new recruit this year is Skylar Shunpike, Keeper.
James is invited by Gideon and Fabian to sit between them. He hadn't been aware they know who he is, but they explain that they're big fans of James and his friends' pranks. When he glances down the table at Remus, Sirius and Peter, he spots Sirius straight away, eyes wide and erratic. James knows he is obsessed with the Prewett twins and probably wishes he could be where James is right now.
The ceiling mirrors the sunny day outside, not a chance of rain in sight. James finishes his breakfast, conversating with different people on the team throughout the meal. The game is in twenty minutes, so he is trying to build up his strength but also not eat so much that all the exertion will only make him feel nauseous. It is more difficult to balance than he expects, though the slight sickness he feels may just be nerves.
He pushes his glasses up higher on his nose as they start to slip. He isn't sure why he has decided to wear them after all. The sole reason his parents bought the contact lenses for him had been so he wouldn't have to worry about his glasses falling off his face halfway through a game. Ever since Regulus told him he looked stupid without his glasses, as much as he hates to admit it, he's grown self conscious of his face without his glasses. He isn't sure he would be able to go out in front of the entire school without them now.
James glances up, fork playing with a fatty part of his bacon that he isn't likely to eat. He stares over at the Slytherin team, also bundled together in a ball of green at the Slytherin table. Naturally, his eyes are drawn over to black curls and blue eyes. Regulus is seated in the middle of the group, shoulders uncharacteristically slumped slightly like he isn't comfortable with all the attention, or maybe he feels too crowded.
Greengrass, the Slytherin Captain, throws an arm over his shoulders and James watches as Regulus subdues a flinch, very clearly uneased by the action. James assumes they are talking strategies. The game will inevitably end up relying on the capability of Darius McKinnon, Gryffindor's Seeker and one of Marlene's older brothers, and Regulus Black. Of course, the game isn't only reliant on one of them catching the Snitch, but so long as James, Frank and Bracia - the third Gryffindor Chaser - manage to keep the points up for them, and the Prewetts prevent Slytherin from scoring as much with their spectacular Beater skills, it hopefully won't even matter if Regulus ends up with the Snitch. James has faith in Darius, he has seen him play lots of games, as well as watched him at practice every week.
James shakes his head, having caught himself daydreaming. He does this a lot, always has. Getting distracted is something his body tends to do of it's own accord and he has no control over when it happens or for how long. Unfortunately, this time his attention had been directed primarily on Regulus Black when he spaced out. Now that his focus is back, he discovers Regulus glaring at him from the other side of the room.
His leg starts bouncing nervously beneath the table. He attempts to lure his focus back to his breakfast, but he isn't hungry anymore. When he chances a glimpse back across the room, Regulus quickly diverts his gaze back over to Evan Rosier.
When they eventually leave the hall, heading in the direction of the Quidditch pitch, James is flanked by Gideon and Fabian. The sudden ridiculous thought that they remind him of bodyguards enters his mind and he lets out a soft chuckle.
"What's so funny?" One of them asks, raising a ginger eyebrow. James thinks this one may be Gideon, he has a distinct freckle on the top of his cheekbone on the right side of his face. Other than that, they are completely identical.
"I feel all special with you two acting like my bodyguards," he tries a laugh and is relieved when the twins return it.
"Me and Gid," the other replies, which confirms James' suspicions about who is who, "think of you and your mates as our legacies. So, we have decided to adopt you, and yes, that does include escorting you to the Quidditch pitch like your bodyguards." He smirks and James feels a twist in his stomach at the thought that they could really see him and the boys like that. The Prewett twins are known legends around Hogwarts.
"No need to look so shocked," Gideon snorts. "We aren't famous, sweetheart."
"You might as well be," James states. "Er- thanks for seeing us as your legacies. That's really cool."
"Of course!" Fabian grins, causing James to turn back to him. "Someone's gotta keep Minnie on her toes once we're gone." He winks.
"Minnie?" James asks, head tilting to the side. They have arrived at the Quidditch pitch now, Darius is guiding them into their preparation tent underneath the stands.
"McGonagall," Gideon says. "That's our special, little nickname for her," he grins over the top of James' head at his brother. "She adores us."
"Oh, absolutely," Fabian nods sarcastically.
James finds Frank and Bracia and sits beside them whilst Darius goes through their last minute game plans. He has been drilling it into them for weeks, so James knows precisely what he is going to say next. The Chasers are instructed to prioritise teamwork, that is the key to speed and more efficient wins. The twins are told to behave and that is all the attention Darius gives them, likely already used to their antics since this is their fourth year on the team. Skylar is told to focus and not allow herself to get distracted by anything, to only direct her concentration on diverting incoming Quaffles and to not worry about the rest of the game.
There are many ways to play being a Seeker. James has learnt this over the years of reading books, attending Quidditch matches with his parents as a kid, and watching every single game last year at Hogwarts. Darius' technique is to remain level with the rest of the game and prowl around the outskirts of the action. Statistics apparently say that the Snitch more commonly remains level with, if not below the game. It rarely flies above the stands, but if it does Darius is a fast enough flier to have a fighting chance.
"Especially against Black," Darius says. "He's only a second year - no offence," he directs in James and Frank's direction. "That's an advantage for us."
James isn't sure why, but he is offended for Regulus. He had seen him fly during the Slytherin try outs, having gone early just to see who would make the team. Regulus may only be twelve but he is a bloody good flier, gliding through the air like a fish moves through water, fluid and natural. Darius should not underestimate him.
There is the sound of Hooch's whistle, calling forth the opposing teams to the pitch. Darius breathes in deeply, the anxiety he rarely lets show more evident on his face than it has been all month. James notices the parts of him that he shares with Marlene more in this moment, like the wheat-blonde of his hair as he runs his hand through it and the light dusting of freckles on his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose. He is so unlike Marlene in many different ways, but is also eerily similar. James tends to forget they are related most of the time and it is always a bit surprising when he gets reminders like this.
Darius counts everyone, as if one of them could have snuck off during his heavy breathing exercises.
"Alright!" He claps his hands together, leather gloves squeaking faintly as they meet. "Those new to the team, you'll do fantastically. Everyone, we can do this. We will do this. Let's go put down some snakes!"
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
tad = father (Welsh)
merde = shit (French)MENTIONS:
-the singing prank! I've been wanting to write this for a WHILE
-lily is a queen, that is all 👑
-a queen who needs a hug
-I love Lyall in this fic sm :(
-"He never thought something named after the moon would ever bring him comfort." The power of Sirius, what can I say?
-I would also "nyahhhh" like Barty
-the NOTES! the LITTLE SEEKER! "you have a nice singing voice" STOP IT, JAMES! YOU'RE TOO INNOCENT AND ADORABLE AND CUTE FOR THIS WORLD
-I love when Remus is being wise
-James does have ADHD, it's hinted. he's just like me :D
-not James freaking out over Reg singing in French 💀
-pinkie nudges are so cute to me! believe it or not, pinkie nudges will play a very important role in this fic WAY later on
-Regulus "my ears want a receipt" Black 😭😭
-not James feeling self conscious without his glasses :(
-also not him feeling offended on Regulus' behalf. he's so loyal already HELP HIM
-GIDEON AND FABIAN! I'VE MISSED YOU! <33333
-Darius is the Oliver Wood of the 70s 🤷Sorry about the rant, I got excited. I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave a comment or kudos, I always reply!! And share with your friends and your enemies :)
Chapter 19: Second Year: I See You
Summary:
First Quidditch match of the year!
Some trauma bonding
The Slytherins get payback
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-claustrophobia/person being surrounded and touched when they don't really want to (not sexual)
-child abuse warning!! (scars/being locked in a cupboard/being beaten almost to death)
-Remus' usual full moon symptoms
-someone blacks out but are also still conscious? it's a trauma responseThis is a bit heavy in one part, so take care of yourselves!
Have fun reading!! <3 This is over 11k, idk why...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You drew stars around my scars,
and now I'm bleeding
~ Taylor Swift
Saturday - 7th October, 1972
Regulus
Regulus is fine.
That is a lie.
He thought he would be more anxious about his first game, but he isn't. Perhaps he had been when he woke up this morning. Perhaps he had been when Barty helped to strap up his Quidditch kit. Perhaps he had been when they were going over the strategies that Greengrass has been drilling into them for the last month.
Regulus is no longer anxious because now he is nauseous. It began at breakfast when he had been forced to sit squished between his teammates at the Slytherin table. He hates being crowded or feeling trapped, like he can't get out. It frightens him. Small, unescapable places remind him of the cupboard his mother used to lock him in when he misbehaved as a child.
It had only grown worse when Greengrass touched him. Regulus is very particular about when he can handle physical contact and who he allows to touch him. Probably just another thing his mother has ruined for him over the years from the constant abuse and dehumanising isolation.
They are making their way out onto the pitch now and Regulus can still feel where Greengrass had looped an arm around his shoulders. He feels burnt and is almost tempted to check. Maybe he would if it weren't for the impenetrable layers of fabric he has to wear. Luckily, Quidditch has always been like a magnet for Regulus' concentration. It is an easy distraction from the raging that goes on in his head. So, for now, he focuses on the game and pretends like the memory of Greengrass' close proximity doesn't make him want to squirm out of his own skin.
Sometimes he has bad days and some times he has worse days. Today is one of those worse ones. It is a real mind killer. He allows Quidditch to fill up his mind instead.
The Gryffindors flow in like a red sea from beside them, standing out like great big ants against the green of the pitch, while the Slytherin team just blends. One of the McKinnons - Derik or something - leads the team, followed by the Prewett twins, a girl with dark hair who Regulus doesn't recognise, then another girl with Black hair and dark skin, Frank Longbottom, and finally, James Potter.
Regulus' first thought is that Potter took his advice and decided to keep his glasses on. Regulus still isn't sure why he had reacted so peculiarly on the day of try outs when he saw Potter without them. It had just been such an alien thing to witness, James Potter without his obnoxious, circular glasses to distract from his big, brown eyes.
His second thought is that Potter has never appeared so comfortable, except for maybe when he is in Potions. The Quidditch pitch really seems to be a source of solace for him, just as it is for Regulus.
He quickly redirects his gaze to the stands, remembering how earlier he had caught Potter staring in his direction, only to get exposed doing the same thing a minute later.
Pandora, Dorcas and Barty are standing at the very front of the Slytherin stands, cheering and whooping as they take their positions. They fly into the air and Regulus does a short lap, adjusting to being in the air as easily as he does when going from the air to the ground. He watches the Captains from both teams shake hands, McKinnon offering up a sportsmanship-like half-smile. Greengrass is polite enough to return it.
As soon as they have both mounted their brooms, the Quaffle is released with a blow of Hooch's whistle, and the game begins. Regulus soars upwards, his strategy being to fly above the game, but not quite above the highest parts of the stands. He feels this is the middle ground because the Snitch could easily go above the clouds if it decides to, but if it doesn't he will have a perfect point of view of the entire pitch. From this high, he has the pitch laid out for him like a blank piece of parchment, just waiting for a gold splodge of ink to stain it.
One of the other McKinnons, the commentator one, announces that Potter is the first to posess the Quaffle. Regulus surveys the game, watching as Potter flies around, avoiding the Bludger hit by Leslie Tackett, one of Slytherin's Beaters. He passes the ball to Longbottom, shifts around so that he is flying upside down for a moment, twisting like a corkscrew through the air beneath Evan, and rights himself again. Longbottom dives up and over like a rainbow and chucks the Quaffle back to Potter, who is now right in front of the Slytherin hoops. Potter angles his arm backwards, Quaffle firmly in his hand. He strikes out like a snake, which is a bit ironic considering who his competition is, and releases the ball. It shoots directly through the middle hoop.
"James Potter, one of the two new Chasers on the Gryffindor team, scores the first goal of the game with the help of Frank Longbottom, the second new Chaser!" Commentator McKinnon yells and his voice bounces around the stands.
Potter high fives Longbottom as he zooms past him, already on his way to retrieve the Quaffle again. A grin brightens up his face, pure exhilaration that Regulus knows first-hand can only come from flying. After that, he rips his eyes away from Potter and focuses more on searching for the Snitch. He keeps up with the points and makes mental notes on the Gryffindor players' techniques. Especially Seeker McKinnon, whose method could not be more opposite from Regulus' own.
Half an hour passes and the only goals by Slytherin are scored by Evan and Greengrass. Gryffindor is up eighty to forty at the moment, but Slytherin is rapidly catching up. Evan moves more swiftly and flies with more grace the longer the game goes on. It is obvious how much he cares for the sport and that he clearly grew up playing it a lot.
Regulus laps around the pitch a couple of times, eyes peeled and ready for the Snitch any day now. It is another half an hour before he spots it. Gryffindor is now up one-hundred and sixty to eighty, so if Regulus catches the Snitch now, he can end the game with a win for Slytherin. He subtly swerves his broom in the direction of the little, golden ball and dips in closer to his broom to gain speed easier.
"Regulus Black, Slytherin's new Seeker, has gained speed! Has he spotted the Snitch? Darius, I am no Seeker, I am really asking you. Has he seen the bloody Snitch ?!" Commentator McKinnon shouts and Regulus has to stop himself from rolling his eyes.
All of his concentration remains on the tiny spot where the Snitch hovers in the air. The world fades away, melting behind him. It is only him and the Snitch in this moment. He leans even closer into his broom, faintly recognising people yelling in the background. He blocks them out and closes in on the Snitch. He reaches his hand out, blue and green fingerless gloves on his hands, the ones Pandora made for him.
Regulus can feel Seeker McKinnon behind him, the shift of the air signals his arrival. He speeds up even more, feeling as his thighs burn from how harshly he is gripping his broom with them, hoping he won't crash land, but knowing that if it means he catches the Snitch, he will. The Snitch flickers beneath the sun, dazzling like a golden disco ball. Regulus reaches out for it, fingers spreading as far as they can.
Commentator McKinnon announces that Potter has scored once again, shifting the score to one-hundred and ninety to eighty. When had they scored so many times?
If Regulus catches the Snitch now, they will be ahead by forty points. He slides forwards on his broom, managing to keep his grip at the same time. It gives him an extra inch or two advantage. McKinnon comes up beside him, taking him by surprise. Gryffindor cannot get the Snitch now. Slytherin is too far behind in points. It will be incredibly difficult for them to recover if they lose the Snitch and the one-hundred and fifty points that accompany it.
Regulus surges forward once more with all of the strength he has left. He spins through the air, right side up one second and then the next he is upside down, then right side up again. It helps him take the lead once more. He reaches out once again but is still too far away and McKinnon is catching up. So, before he can think about the consequences, he loosens his grip on his broom and slides to the very end of it until he is half falling off and snatches the Snitch out of the air at the same time commentator McKinnon announces that Bracia Matthews has scored, giving Gryffindor two-hundred points.
It isn't enough though because now, Regulus has caught the Snitch, which means Slytherin have two-hundred and thirty points, possibly more if Regulus missed any scores.
The only minor issue is that he is now free falling through the air. The last time he checked, the Snitch hadn't been too far from the grass, only about the height of two people stacked on top of each other. He lands with a thud and releases a winded cough. Evan speedily flies down, along with Greengrass and Potter, of all people.
Regulus blinks harshly and then raises his hand, Snitch glowing like a beacon from between his fingertips. The disappointed call of "Black has caught the Snitch! Slytherin wins!" from commentator McKinnon echoes through the space, followed by cheers from the Slytherin quarter of the stands and some scattered celebration from students in other houses. Not nearly as much as he is sure Gryffindor would have received if they had won.
He pulls himself up to sitting and has to blink a few times to relieve the spinning of his head. Greengrass is already trying to help him up, but Regulus flinches away and only allows Evan to pull him to his feet.
"Now that," Evan beams, "was glorious!"
Regulus huffs a laugh. "It sort of was, wasn't it?"
Potter rushes over, broom in one hand and Quaffle still in the other, tucked safely in the crook of his armpit. His face is bright red and glistens beneath a layer of sweat. His glasses keep sliding down his nose and the lenses are slightly fogged. The mop on top of his head, that some may consider hair, sticks to his forehead and Regulus grimaces at the sight of him.
"Are you okay?" He asks, sounding out of breath.
Evan and Regulus share a side-eyed look before Regulus turns back to the sweaty boy before him, eyebrows bent in confusion. "Yeah... I'm fine. Why do you care?"
"Because," he gestures to Regulus' form as if that answers everything. "You're... you- a person. You- I'm not heartless, you know."
"Right," Regulus nods, already backing away. "Well, don't expect me to be checking up on you whenever you fall off your broom."
"I-" Potter is suddenly bombarded by two adults. Regulus assumes they are his parents, especially after seeing the man, who is wearing round glasses identical to James'. They fold their son into a hug, not seeming to care one bit that he probably reeks. Regulus glares at the display of open affection, at the fact that Potter's parents actually showed up. They came all the way to Scotland, when Regulus remembers they live back in London, just to watch their son's first ever Quidditch game. Regulus' mother won't even write him to ask how it went.
He decides immediately that he hates all of the Potters, not just James.
"Come on, Evan," Regulus says, guiding them towards their three friends, who are already sprinting in their direction. Regulus still has the Snitch in his hand.
Regulus outright refuses to get changed in the changing rooms and immediately heads off to the dormitory. Dorcas and Pandora say they will wait outside while the boys get changed. Barty doesn't offer this, but it's his room too, so it doesn't really matter as much.
Regulus' mind is still back on the Quidditch pitch, staring as Potter and his parents embrace. They were obviously very proud of him, even if he didn't win. He hastily pulls his Quidditch jumper over his head and reaches for the shirt he has waiting on his bed. He will have a shower once he has rested for a little while, like he imagines Evan will-
He freezes.
During the entirety of last year, Regulus got changed in the shared bathroom connected to their dormitory, so that his roommates wouldn't see the scars on his back. He had been so lost in his own mind just now that he'd forgotten for a moment. Forgotten about the scars on his back. Forgotten that Evan and Barty are both in the room, behind him. And he listens as they both inhale sharply, having noticed for the first time that Regulus Black isn't as untainted and picture-perfect as he appears to be on the outside.
On the inside, he is made up of scars and locked cupboards and chairs in front of family trees. He is made up of the darkness that his mother has been carving into him for years.
With a deep inhale, Regulus grabs his top and chucks it over his head before he turns to face them. He expects pity, that is what most people would offer him. Pity and an open ear, eager to hear how he could have gotten such terribly straight scars. It is painfully obvious that they were not created accidentally.
Instead, what he finds is much more alarming. Evan looks as if he is going to be ready to hurl at any moment, while Barty has spaced out. It's frightening because Barty is the embodiment of chaos. He is always alert and bouncing about in some way or another. Only now, he is as still as the statues in Regulus' museum, eyes empty of any mischief. It has been replaced with a haunted filter.
"Regulus," Evan whispers. He doesn't say anything else, just his name.
"Whatever you are going to say about it, just say it," Regulus mumbles as he steps into some pyjama bottoms for now. "But get it over with, I would rather not dwell on my mother's favourite form of entertainment all day, as it is not my favourite form of entertainment, believe it or not."
"I..." Evan stumbles over his words. He clears his throat and quickly looks over at the door where the girls are waiting patiently behind it. "I have scars too."
This causes Regulus to take a physical step back. Barty's head snaps in Evan's direction, eyes widening. He still shows no pity, only something closely resembling fear.
"But... if you..." Regulus frowns, properly thinking about what this means. His expression twists into one of worry and then anger. "Pandora?"
Evan's eyes close slowly and the sickly look on his face only grows as he nods faintly. "Not like yours though," he says. "Ours are not so... organised. They are done out of anger, wherever our father can reach us at the time, and we don't have so many."
Regulus feels sick. He knows it isn't right to hurt your children, even if it is as a form of punishment. No one deserves to be forced through unnecessary pain. That is not how people learn what is right. If anything, it damages them further, beyond repair. Building more bad people for the world. The thought that Evan has had to go through this- that Pandora has. Pandora. She is the most precious person Regulus has ever met. He doesn't understand how anyone could ever bring themselves to hurt her. It would be like kicking a baby.
"Barty?" Regulus calls and Barty stares straight at him but he isn't there. He isn't sure how he can tell, but he just knows it. Barty is not here anymore. The haunted dullness in his eyes tell Regulus that Barty's mind has shut itself off, perhaps it is a defence mechanism. Regulus wonders why the sight of his back could have triggered this reaction.
"Barty?" Evans murmurs gently. Neither of them reach out, somehow knowing this would be a bad thing. Regulus thinks briefly about how messed up it is that they are able to blindly direct themselves through whatever is happening to Barty right now, purely because they recognise it.
It is a trauma response. Which makes him wonder what could have happened to his friend.
Evan leans forward, not making any abrasive movements. When he is two inches from Barty's face, he makes an O shape with his mouth and blows harshly once, right into Barty' open eye. The other boys jolts and some hint of recognition returns to his eyes. He stares at Evan and swallows thickly.
"What did you do?"
"It's something Pandora used to do for me when we were little. No sudden movements, no hands, no threat. Just a simple way to bring reality back to you without hurting or scaring you," Evan answers.
"Thanks," Barty gulps, not looking at either of them and instead choosing to stare at the floor.
"Barty, if you would rather not, you don't have to say anything," Regulus starts, slowly walking over to stand beside Evan, opposite Barty. "But, if you would like to, you can talk to us."
Barty nods but doesn't speak. Regulus imagines it must be hard, he knows it is hard for him. He has never spoken to anyone about his scars before. Unless you count Potter, who had been the first person outside of Regulus' family to ever discover them.
"I don't..." He begins, head dipping low as he squeezes his eyes shut. "It isn't like yours. I don't have scars," Barty whispers. "I wish I did."
"What do you mean?" Evan questions. He steps closer and Barty's eyes snap open, head snapping upwards. Evan smiles softly at their friend and slowly raises a hand, a question. Barty nods, so Evan wraps his hand around Barty's wrist and gently leads him over to Evan's bed. He sits him down on the edge of it and then kneels before him, focus completely on him. Regulus sits on the bed next to Barty and makes sure not to touch him.
Barty takes a shuddering breath and when he exhales, a couple of tears hit his cheeks. "My father doesn't just hurt me or cut me like-" He stops himself. Like your parents do. Regulus and Evan both offer him a look of understanding, so he carries on. "He hurts me in the Muggle way. He... he punches me until my face is so swollen that I can't breathe and he kicks me. Sometimes he strangles me. But it isn't just that," his voice cracks, and for the first time in Regulus' life, he finds it difficult to not touch the other person. He wants to offer the comfort, even if he knows it won't help the situation. He doesn't.
"What is it?" Regulus questions quietly.
"If he wants to punish me, he won't just hurt me or beat me up really badly. He..." Barty lets out a low sob. "He beats or strangles me within an inch of my life and then doesn't even let me die. Right before I do, he'll stop. Every single time. I am always only a second away from literally dying, but he never just lets me go. Sometimes, I wish he would."
"Can I touch you?" Regulus asks, feeling a bit strange to be the person saying it. Usually, his friends are the ones asking him.
"Yes. If I- If what happened before happens, I don't like being touched because my brain goes into panic mode and I can't tell that you aren't a threat. When I'm just... me again, I don't mind it. I actually prefer it. It comforts me more than anything else. Usually, my mum will find me and fix me up the best she can, but she has never been too good with healing spells. So, she runs her hand through my hair and it helps."
Regulus nods along. He can't say he relates to that, but he does understand. He reaches out and pulls Barty's head into his chest, hugging him closely. He wouldn't do this for anyone other than his four friends, he knows that. He holds Barty, while Evan takes his hand from where he is still on the floor.
"I'm sorry for ruining your victory, guys," Barty mumbles with a humourless chuckle.
"Don't be daft," Evan smiles. "And do not apologise. It is not something you can control, Barty, and I know that may be the most frightening part. Just remember that those moments where you feel powerless do not last forever, and during all of the time when they are not happening, you are in control. That means you can always gain it back, you may just need some help... from us. We can help you." He turns his attention to Regulus, who smiles back.
"When did you get to be so wise, Ev?" Barty snorts, sounding more like his usual self.
"I have always been wise. People just don't notice because I'm always standing next to Pandora."
"Speaking of," Barty pulls away from Regulus and Evan, wiping at his face and slapping on a smile. "We shouldn't really leave them waiting much longer. Evan, hurry up and throw some clothes on. Honestly, you're taking ages." He stands up and check himself in the bathroom mirror, then he goes over to the door and invites Pandora and Dorcas in.
Regulus shakes his head, a bit dizzy from the mood shift. Dorcas is complaining about how they took so long and how Evan is still half-naked, so she must now burn her eyeballs and erase her memory. Pandora goes straight over to Barty and asks for a hug, which he immediately obliges to. Regulus thinks Pandora must know exactly what they were just talking about.
After, she makes her way over to Regulus, who is still sitting on Evan's bed, now in the middle rather than on the edge. She asks if it is okay to sit with him, to which he answers that, yes, it is okay. Pandora lies down, leaning her head in Regulus' lap, grinning up at him.
"I see you," she whispers, reaching up to boop the tip of his nose with her finger. "Stop worrying, I'm fine."
From then on, Regulus doesn't doubt Pandora's abilities for a moment.
Monday - 9th October, 1972
Regulus is having a bad day. For starters, it's a Monday, which isn't fun for anybody. Secondly, he has to endure two straight hours of Potions, crowded between the wall and Potter. On top of all that, it is one of those days where he just doesn't want to be touched by anyone. He doesn't want to be noticed either, he just wants to glide through the day, invisible to everyone else, and sleep it away.
Unfortunately, Regulus has never been lucky when it comes to getting what he wants. As soon as he steps foot inside the Potions classroom, Tonks is on his tail.
"Why so glum?" He asks and Regulus ignores him, tightening his grip on his bag strap and walking to his seat at the back of the class. Potter isn't there yet. He is standing with Remus and Pettigrew at the front of the class. It is quite early and the lesson doesn't start for another ten minutes. Regulus had told his friends he had to go somewhere before class and skipped breakfast, not up to eating in the Great Hall. Instead, he had called on a house-elf, who had shown him the way to the kitchen and he had breakfast there.
"Go away," Regulus says calmly, placing his bag on the table. He pretends like the other boy isn't there. Tonks makes this difficult and leans his elbows against the table, getting far too close to Regulus.
"There is no need to be so rude, Black. What? Did mummy send you another howler?"
"I am not in the mood to deal with unimportant things today, so run off back to your table. Or don't, I won't be listening to whatever it is you have to say anyway." He shrugs and proceeds to lay out the things he needs for the lesson neatly on the desk.
Silence follows and Regulus revels in it. It is rare that Tonks ever shuts up, he is always prattling on about something. After two minutes, Regulus becomes very aware of the fact that he is being watched at close proximity. It's uncomfortable. He glares up at the other boy, only to find him staring back in disgust. The look on his face reminds Regulus promptly of his own mother, specifically when she is having one of those days where she wonders why she was given Regulus as a son and not anyone else.
"Take a picture, it will last longer."
Tonks rolls his eyes and backs away from the table. "Fuck off, Black."
"You first, Tonks."
Sirius huffs and marches back over to his friends. Regulus scowls after him and watches as Potter frowns at Tonks and then turns to look at Regulus before diverting his attention back over to his friend. His expression is one of irritation, for why, Regulus isn't sure. Potter says something, too quiet for Regulus to catch from all the way back here, and then shakes his head and parts ways from the other boys.
He approaches their shared table with an apologetic grimace as he fiddles with a ring on his index finger. Regulus recoils further into the wall when Potter sits down. Apparently, he notices this because the next thing Regulus knows, Potter is standing from his seat and backing away one step.
"Do you want the aisle seat? I don't mind sitting by the wall if it makes you feel claustrophobic."
Regulus frowns, a bit puzzled about how Potter could have possibly known what is going through his head. He slides his things over to the other side of the desk and sits in Potter's usual seat without saying anything. The Gryffindor doesn't seem to mind as he takes his new place on the seat beside the wall and starts pulling things out of his bag.
Against his better judgement, Regulus finds himself acting on his curiosity. "How did you know?"
Potter hums a "hmm?", still not glancing in Regulus' direction, too busy trying to close his bag. So, Regulus repeats his question.
"Oh," Potter's eyebrows knit together, "well, it is pretty obvious. You always make sure to sit on the edge of the table in other classes. Plus," his face turns a very faint shade of pink, "I noticed the other day before the match that you were flinching away from Greengrass when he put his arm around you."
Regulus stares blankly back at him, not sure of what to say. None of his friends have noticed that Regulus sits on the edge of the table in every class because it is more like a habit now. They always sit in the same format. But Potter had seen and he had recognised Regulus' aversion to being touched. He isn't sure what to think of it all.
"Oh," Regulus doesn't know what to say. "Well, I hope you hate sitting there because I'm not moving. This is my seat now."
Potter has the audacity to laugh. Regulus has just insulted him and he is laughing. He's so strange.
"Potions club on Sunday," Potter says, rather than coming up with a retort for the mean thing Regulus just said to him. "I'll save you the aisle seat," he winks and turn back to his notebook, writing the date down in the top right corner of the page.
Regulus feels a rush of heat inside his body for the first time all day. He isn't heartless, okay? He can appreciate a kind gesture when he sees it, even if it is from Potter, and even if he isn't going to be thanking him for it. He hopes his cheeks don't flush from the temperature change, he hates appearing flustered or imperfect when not hidden away. Another thing he learnt from his mother.
***
Friday - 13th October, 1972
Sirius
It is the first time in a long time that Sirius, Remus and James find themselves alone without the company of Peter or Frank. The latter's absence is much more common, he is usually found with Alice or Azalia or both. But Peter, he is normally never too far from the other three.
Sirius is beginning to worry. It is only an hour until curfew and Peter has been missing for the past three. He hadn't even gone to dinner! His favourite time of the day, besides breakfast. James and Remus are in the bathroom doing Merlin knows what and Sirius is lying on his bed, trying to determine whether there is a spider in the corner of the canopy above his bed or a ball of dust. He is sort of hoping it's a spider because he knows James and Peter are terrified of them and Sirius is definitely evil enough to put it on one of their pillows.
The door clicks open when Sirius has still not figured out if it is a spider or dust. He lifts his head lazily, assuming it's Frank or maybe Peter has finally returned. What he doesn't anticipate is to see Peter and Benji arm-in-arm. Sirius knows Benji a bit from their shared classes, but mostly from what Peter has told him about the boy. He is very aware that Peter is head over heels for the Ravenclaw and has been ever since the first month of first year.
Sirius has never really spoken to Benji outside of lessons though, not like Peter has. Sure, he's passed him when visiting Xeno in the Ravenclaw common room, but they have only ever shared polite smiles and never made any effort to talk.
He sits up fully, not really caring that he is in his pyjamas in front of someone he doesn't know very well. Sirius isn't modest when it comes to these sorts of things. Peter notices him and immediately beams, pointing with his eyes towards Benji, his cheeks turning crimson. Benji clearly has never been inside the Gryffindor dormitory before because he is searching the place with his eyes, smiling softly at all the little details.
When his gaze lands on Sirius, his lips turn upwards further and his nose scrunches a little. It's sort of adorable. Sirius watches as Peter promptly melts at the sight of him.
"Hiya, Sirius. You don't mind if I intrude, do you?" Benji asks, green eyes glistening.
"Of course not. You can stay the night if you want, the new Head Boy is so incompetent and doesn't even pay attention to who goes in and out of the dorms." Sirius doesn't speak with any contempt, he is actually rather happy about this. It only makes it easier for the boys to get in and out at night, which makes their pranking career more simple to maintain. Plus, they don't always have to worry about curfew. Still, Sirius misses Arthur, the Head Boy from their first year, he had always been prepared with funny stories to tell everyone. He was also so endearingly curious about all things Muggle; there were some days when Remus and Sirius would explain the simplest things to him and he would act as if they were the most magical things in the world.
Peter widens his eyes, staring straight at Sirius with accusation in his eyes. Sirius decides to ignore this, wanting to help Peter in any way he can, whilst also maintaining some subtlety, as to not give away Peter's feelings for Benji to Benji.
"Oh, really?" Benji asks, turning to Peter as if checking for confirmation that this is okay with him.
A smile Sirius has never seen on his friend's face before brightens up Peter's expression, accusation disappearing completely. His cheeks are a warm pink colour beneath his freckles, his eyes are full of anxious apprehension, and he appears to be containing a massive smile. He looks shy.
"You can if you want to, but you'll need pyjamas and a toothbrush-"
"I have a spare toothbrush in the cupboard under the sink and I'm sure Remus will have something big enough to fit," Sirius jumps in with a big grin. Peter sends him a sharp look. Sirius moves over to Benji's other side and finds he has to bend his neck just to meet his eyes. "Why is everyone growing? Pete, you and I are going to be like two little gremlins that never grow at this rate."
"Sirius!" Peter squeaks.
"Sorry, sorry," Sirius holds up a hand. "Two cute, little gremlins."
Benji giggles and that quickly shuts Peter up, who instantly turns towards the noise as a dopey expression overtakes his face. At that moment, Remus and James make themselves known, exiting the bathroom, still halfway through a conversation by the looks of it. They stop when they notice Benji. James grins and says hello, Remus smiles bashfully. Sirius always finds it amusing the way Remus goes from dry sense of humour guy to social anxiety guy the moment someone he doesn't know is in his proximity. The contrast is enough to give a giant whiplash.
"Remus, can Benji borrow some pyjamas? He's staying the night," Sirius explains. Remus nods, looking relieved to have an excuse to move away from the little crowd of them.
"Are you bunking in with Pete then?" James asks, not knowing how much this is likely to effect Peter, not like Sirius does. As far as he knows, Peter has only ever told him about his feelings for Benji. "Because if you don't want to, you can take my bed and I can jump in with Sirius."
"No, you can't," Sirius folds his arms. "You cuddle in your sleep."
"I thought you liked my cuddling," James frowns.
Sirius rolls his eyes. "Well, only when I need one, not when I want my own space. Remus doesn't cuddle. If I have to bunk with anyone, it'll be him. Or Frank."
James huffs, offended, and strops off to his own bed. Remus comes back from where he has been rifling through his trunk and passes over an oversized white shirt and grey jogging bottoms for Benji to sleep in. Benji smiles and thanks him before going into the bathroom to get changed. The second the door clicks, Peter is rounding on him. Sirius holds his hands up in surrender.
"Traitor!" Peter points a finger right in his face.
"I am not." Sirius places his hands on his hips. "I didn't do anything wrong and I was very careful with my wording. I was perfectly lovely and now we can all get to know your friend better. It's about time, Pete. You've been hiding him from us for a year."
"Why would you need to be careful with your wording?" Remus speaks up, Sirius had almost forgotten he was there.
Peter begins stuttering out excuses, so Sirius cuts in. "I didn't want to come off as rude or too much, because this is Peter's best friend. Other than me, of course."
"Debatable," Peter mumbles under his breath and Sirius pulls a face at him.
Peter changes into his pyjamas whilst Benji is out of the room, apparently very modest. It is sort of hilarious how quickly he tosses his shirt to the ground and frantically scrambles around for a shirt before the door opens.
When Benji comes out of the bathroom, the five boys sit in silence for a second too long to be considered comfortable. Benji is the first to break it, clearing his throat and then turning to James.
"Pete told me you're in Potions club, James?"
James takes the opening, clearly also wanting the awkward silence to die. "Yeah, do you like Potions?"
"Yes. I wanted to go too, but by the time I went to sign up, Slughorn said there weren't any spots left. Astro got in, but I would rather he get to go if only one of us can," he replies, glancing nervously at Peter a couple of times. They are sitting side by side on Peter's bed. Sirius isn't sure if he is nervous because of the four other boys staring at him or because of Peter's presence. Sirius hopes for his friend that it is the latter.
"That's awful. I'll let you know if anyone drops out," James smiles. "Regulus almost-" He stops, eyes widening.
"Regulus what?" Sirius' brows knit together as he stares at his friend.
"Uhh," James shuffles nervously on his mattress. "Regulus is my partner in Potions."
"Yes, I know that."
"No, Sirius, I mean in Potions club." James looks across the room at him guiltily.
"Why would you want to be partners with him ?" He just doesn't understand. A tiny part of him still feels culpable for interrupting their moment on the train last year, but at the same time he believes he saved James from being friends with someone who would inevitably have ended up hurting him.
"I didn't choose to be," James explains quietly. "The seat next to his... it was the only one left."
Frank returns then and Sirius is grateful. The tension had begun to grow too thick for him and he imagines it must have felt uncomfortable for Benji, who probably didn't plan to witness James and Sirius arguing about Regulus Black, of all people.
"Hello, Benji," Frank grins, not minding for a moment that Benji is not where he belongs. He sighs, eyes clouded and droopy. Frank falls backwards onto his bed, a grin on his face so massive, Sirius thinks if he leant forward a tiny bit he would be able to count all of his teeth.
"Frank?" Sirius asks. No response.
James jumps up from his bed and clicks his fingers in front of Frank's face. "You okay, mate?"
Frank lets out another sigh, eyes moving to meet James'. "Oh, I am okay. I am so okay. I think I am actually pretty fantastic."
"Has someone hexed you or something?" Remus comes over, laughing under his breath.
"Hexed? No," Frank mumbles.
"Is he broken?" Peter asks, concerned.
"I don't know," Sirius replies. He reaches out and cups Frank's face between his hands, shaking his head lightly. "Franky-boy? You in there?"
"Oh, Sirius. Guess what!" Frank's grin somehow manages to widen more and glow brighter. Sirius turns to everyone else, finding a very worried-looking James and Peter and an amused Remus and Benji.
"What's that, Frank?"
"She kissed me," he blinks harshly and Sirius thinks he sees a tear fall out of the corner of his eye.
"Who?"
"Who?" Frank snorts. "Who do you think, tosser? Alice! Alice kissed me!"
"Oh... way to go, mate," Sirius grins, not knowing what to say. He hadn't been under the impression that Frank and Alice hadn't kissed yet. They have been together for almost a year. "Was it the first?"
"Yeah," Frank squeals and then blinks again. This time Sirius is sure that a tear falls out.
"Are you alright? You're..." Benji leans forward, capturing the stray tear on Frank's face, "...leaking."
"I'm just so happy," Frank explains.
Remus chuckles, turning his attention to Benji. "Never a boring night here in Gryffindor Tower. We won't be offended if you decide to run away screaming."
Benji's eyebrows fly up his forehead. He glances at all of their faces: Remus smirking, James grimacing because what Remus has said is sort of true, Sirius still holding Frank's weeping face, and Peter, who has never looked so insecure. Benji nudges Peter gently with his elbow, grinning.
"I think I'll stay."
Peter's lips curl up at the corners. Sirius thinks he has a pretty high chance.
Tuesday - 17th October, 1972
Sirius is buzzing. Professor Senfast informed them last week that next lesson they would be practicing how to duel each other. They have Defence first period, so Sirius shovels down his breakfast like a man starving, paying no attention to the looks of disgust people are throwing him.
They run off as soon as the four of them have eaten. They share this lesson with the Ravenclaws, so Sirius is hoping he can watch Xeno duel someone. He thinks it would be funny to watch his friend psych someone out enough to distract them and then performing a move that wins him the duel.
Senfast allows them in early. It seems they were not the only ones excited for today's lesson. Other Gryffindors and some Ravenclaws are crowded outside of the room. When they enter the classroom, they come face to face with a long stage. Upon it, there is a pattern, the phases of the moon. From eclipse to full and back to eclipse. Sirius side eyes Remus, who is staring at the moons with irritation.
Sirius elbows him lightly, trying to divert his attention away from the moons. Remus turns to him and automatically starts playing with the necklace around his neck. He smiles at the sight, he loves it when Remus does this. Especially, when it's done subconsciously.
"You're acting all moony for the moons," Sirius whispers.
"Shut up," Remus rolls his eyes.
"Moony Remus," Sirius lets it roll off his tongue, repeating it a few times. He laughs gently and nudges Remus again. "Remember what I said about nicknames? I think I've just found yours."
"Moony Remus? Very creative," Remus grumbles. He sounds like a miserable old man who is on his third divorce.
"No, not Moony Remus," Sirius huffs. "Moony."
"Moony?"
Sirius nods.
"Isn't that a bit obvious?" Remus asks, but Sirius can tell he doesn't hate the suggestion.
"Of course not! It's brilliant. If anyone asks, we can just be all mysterious about it, or we can say it's because you're always zoning out," Sirius shrugs.
"Right, that would be a great plan, except I never zone out."
"I know that," Sirius says, "but unless people spend ages staring straight at you specifically, no one will know. Besides, you could always just be mysterious. Mysterious Moony."
"Okay, fine. It's... alright," Remus mumbles reluctantly.
"It's better than alright, Moony! I have to tell James and Pete." Sirius grabs Remus' forearm and starts off to the other side of the classroom where James and Peter are talking with Frank. "James! Pete! Come here!"
They break away from Frank a second later, rushing over immediately. Sirius is jumping up and down from excitement. He grins between them and Remus and then settles on them once they are in front of him.
"I've come up with a nickname for Remus!" Sirius announces.
"What is it?" Peter asks.
"Moony," Sirius grins.
"That's... kind of perfect," James chuckles. "Moony."
"Moony," Peter repeats. "I like it."
"I told you it was brilliant," Sirius smirks in Remus' direction.
"And, as always, you were right," Remus responds sarcastically. "So, I'm Moony. What about you lot then?"
Sirius shrugs. "I told you, the nicknames will come on their own, we can't force them. Just feel lucky that you were the first."
"Are you feeling lucky?" James snorts.
"Absolutely," Remus nods.
Senfast, who is now standing on the stage, starts ordering them to gather around. He explains that they will be practising the spells they learnt last year against each other. They will be working in pairs of their choosing and taking turns to use the duelling stage.
Sirius turns to Remus, raising an eyebrow. Usually, he'll work with Pete, but Senfast said to pair up with those who have reached the same magical level as you. So, Sirius pairs up with Remus, Peter pairs up with Benji, and James goes over to Azalia, who is otherwise left alone after Frank and Alice have paired together.
Sirius drags Remus to the front of the queue. He is excited to find out which of the the two of them is the better duellist. He would naturally say himself, since he has grown up being told how advanced his magic is compared to others his age, especially since beginning Hogwarts last year. However, Remus is ridiculously strong when it comes to using his magic. Sirius thinks it may be a werewolf thing. Remus had once told him that his senses are heightened because of his lycanthropy, that he can literally smell magic. So, maybe, it also helps him use and control it.
Senfast gestures for them to join him on the stage, Sirius wastes no time in doing so. They are taught how to position themselves in an official dueller's stance, one arm up and above their head and one pointed forward with their wand in their hand. Sirius smirks and watches as Remus' face grows red from (what he hopes is) anxiety. Senfast removes himself from the stage and counts down from three.
The entire class is watching with eager eyes. Sirius whips his wand through the air and opens his mouth to say the spell, but before he even gets the chance to utter the first syllable, Remus is yelling, "Petrificus Totalus !"
Sirius feels as his arms snap to his sides and his legs pull together. He tilts backwards and thinks he will hit the floor, when Remus flourishes his wand once more, mumbling another spell. Sirius lands in the air, it feels like drifting on a cloud, and then drops the last two inches to the ground with a loud thud. Remus stands over him and smiles. Sirius can hear surprised cheers around the room, and what sounds like a high five. He just knows it is Peter and James, the little traitors.
"Excellent work, Mr Lupin!" Senfast clasps his hands together. Sirius can't see him because he isn't in his line of vision and he can't move. It's a bit frustrating. He has never felt so trapped before, though, at the same time, the sensation is somewhat familiar. "Now, do you know how to reverse the-"
Before Senfast can even finish his sentence, Remus is swishing his wand towards Sirius, not saying a single word, and Sirius can move again. Just like that, the spell is broken. Sirius jumps up immediately, squinting at Remus.
"That was unfair, you have superpowers," Sirius folds his arms stubbornly over his chest.
"So do you, we are literally wizards."
"You know what I mean, Moony," he raises an eyebrow. "Next time, I'll get you."
Remus has the audacity to laugh at his threat as they walk off the stage and allow the next pair - Pandora and Xeno - to take their places.
The entire class watch with excited trepidation as the two Ravenclaws get into the correct positions, wands pointed towards the other. Xeno's hair falls down over his face like a curtain, which Sirius thinks will work as a disadvantage for him. Especially because Pandora, whose hair is so long it reaches her hips, has hers tied back in a fancy fishtail braid.
Senfast counts backwards from three.
Xeno is the first to act, sending an Expelliarmus Pandora's way. She blocks it easily with a Protego, which Xeno is able to evade by jumping to the side. Pandora strikes again, plait whipping through the air behind her like some sunshine beam whip. Suddenly, Xeno's legs start running in all directions, much too fast to actually end up going anywhere. So, he remains in place, legs a blur, grinning at his opponent. Sirius thinks he must be mad.
"Brilliant, Pan!" Xeno declares.
"Expelliarmus !" She shouts and Xeno doesn't even try to stop her, allowing his wand to fly through the air and land in her grasp. Pandora hops on the spot giddily and then goes over to where Xeno's legs are still racing about. She points her wand at him, "Finite Incantatem !" His limbs settle down and he instantly collapses right on top of a crescent moon.
Pandora helps him up and passes him his wand back. Xeno doesn't seem abashed at all, only proud of his friend.
The rest of the lesson goes a lot like this. Benji somehow manages to turn Peter's feet into turnips, which has him tumbling to the floor, giving Benji the perfect opening to summon his wand. James beats Azalia quickly, apparently duelling is not her strong suit. Alice and Frank somehow manage to cast Expelliarmus on each other at the exact same time and end with a draw.
They have double Transfiguration later, which Sirius cannot wait for. He has always loved their lessons with McGonagall, she is Sirius' favourite professor by far. James told them all that the Prewett twins have been referring to her as Minnie for the last five years. Sirius continues to be in awe of them. He knows the next time he bumps into McGonagall in the corridors, he will be testing that nickname out.
After dinner, Peter goes off to meet up with Benji and the others go straight up to Gryffindor Tower, already done with the week, even though it's only Tuesday. Sirius falls straight onto his bed as soon as he reaches it, revelling in it's warmth. Remus and James go over to their own respective beds. Recently, Remus has been doing a lot of research on the best tracking spells, and has looked further into the Homunculus Charm. Sirius is hoping they will have the map completed by the end of the school year. It is going to take them a while to map out the entire school, especially with only one of them drawing it out.
Sirius isn't surprised when Peter and Benji both come through the door only five minutes later. He is shocked to find Xeno and Pandora following after them. Sirius bounds over to them ecstatically, grabbing Xeno by the hand and dragging him over to his bed.
"What are you doing here?" Sirius asks. Pandora follows, her eyes scanning the room. She sits down on Sirius' bed beside Xeno and sends him a small smile.
"Peter invited us," Pandora answers. "Is that okay?"
"Of course," Sirius says. "We should do something fun. Play a game!"
Remus groans and throws himself under his blankets. Sirius isn't sure if it is because the moon is in only five days and it has begun to effect him, or if it is because of Sirius' suggestion. James goes over to check on him, sharing quiet whispers. Sirius watches as Remus emerges slightly from under his covers and peers up at James, looking more like a tiny child than Sirius has ever seen him before. James smiles warmly down at him as they continue to talk and flattens down their friend's hair. He nods and closes Remus' curtains.
"Remus is tired, so he's just going to take a nap," James explains. He casts a silencing charm around the bed, so they won't disturb Remus with their loudness.
"What should we play then?" Benji asks, leaning back into Peter's bed and making himself at home.
"Ooh! Me and my friends played some games for Dorcas' second birthday last year, maybe we could try those!" Pandora proposes, twirling a bit of hair between her fingers. She's let it out of the fishtail braid now, so it's left curly and trickling down her back like a waterfall.
"Dorcas' second birthday?" Peter asks, clearly trying to ignore the way Benji is fiddling with Peter's sleeve cuff.
"Yes, we forgot her actual birthday because we didn't know her very well then. So, Barty said we should celebrate two times a year forever to make up for it." Pandora hums as she stares up at the canopy, thinking about something. "If I remember correctly, her second birthday is the same day as Remus' actual birthday. Yes! It was the day you made him wear that silly hat!" She starts giggling, which sets James and Benji off.
"So, what sort of games did you have in mind?" Sirius asks after everyone has settled down again.
"We played a few... I think there was Never Have I Ever, Truth or Dare, and that other one where you choose three people and decide who you are going to marry, kiss, or kill, though we played that one on a different day," Pandora nods.
"You're telling me you and your friends played these games?" Sirius questions, raising an eyebrow. Pandora nods again. "When you say your friends, you mean..."
"Me, Dorcas, Evan, Barty and Regulus."
Sirius can't help but laugh at the idea that Regulus Black has played Kiss, Marry, Kill. Pandora stares at him like she knows exactly what is going through his mind. She smiles and says, "Yes, Regulus was very reluctant to play, but he did."
"Who did they choose?" Sirius grins and shuffles on his bed so that he is leaning around Xenophilius and is now closer to Pandora.
"Remus, James and Peter," she replies simply, like she doesn't mind just giving this information out to anyone.
Sirius frowns. "What about me? Why wasn't I included?"
"They don't like you," Pandora responds honestly.
"I know that, but they don't like these three either," he gestures to his three friends. Pandora chuckles and shakes her head.
"Sirius, believe me, you wouldn't have wanted to be a part of that game." Her and Xeno promptly burst into hysterical laughter, as if sharing a joke only those two understand. Sirius wilts, feeling more offended than ever.
"Fine, let's play," he says, getting more comfortable. James makes his way over and sits between Benji and Peter, much to Peter's obvious annoyance. Sirius snorts at James' obliviousness. "Kiss, marry, kill. Any suggestions?"
Xeno speaks up first. "Benji, Astro, me." He grins at everyone and then says, "Feel free to kill me if it means you won't kill my friends."
Sirius has to stifle a laugh at the sight of Peter's glowing red face. He wonders how no one else has noticed, until he turns to see Xeno and Pandora watching him, mischievous smirks on their faces. Maybe Pandora knows about Xeno's abilities and this is one of the things he can see.
"I'll go first," Sirius speaks up. "I will absolutely marry you, Xeno. Honestly, there is no one else for me," there's a series of laughter from everyone. "I know Benji better than I know Astro, and I don't think I would kiss a stranger. So, kiss Benji and, I'm sorry but, kill Astro. I will do it humanely, I promise."
"Okay, I'll go next," Benji says. "I will marry Astro, kiss Xenophilius, and... I guess kill myself?" He grimaces comically.
"I would do the same thing," Xeno nods. "I would marry Astro, kiss Xenophilius, and kill Benji."
"Hey!" Benji gasps, pretending to be offended.
"I think I would marry Benji," Pandora giggles when Peter sends her a murderous glare, "kiss Astro, and kill Xeno. We were not made for this universe, Xeno."
"I agree," he nods and doesn't seem the tiniest bit offended that one of his best friends just chose to kill him instead of kiss him.
"Pete, you're up!"
"Uhh..." Peter glances sideways at Benji, who is grinning down at him encouragingly. "I would marry... Benji because I know you the best," he settles on, "kiss Xenophilius because you're here and I don't want to offend you, and kill Astro because I don't know who he is."
"Nicely done," Xeno replies.
James goes next, giving the same exact answer as Peter. They continue to play until curfew, when the Ravenclaws amongst them have to leave. As usual, Frank doesn't return until curfew has hit, just like every other night.
Friday - 20th October, 1972
It is two weeks until Sirius' birthday and he cannot wait to be thirteen. He is aware there is technically not much difference between being twelve and being thirteen. A part of him thinks he will feel much older, because he will technically be a teenager. The first out of all his friends, except Frank, who turned thirteen back in September.
They are all sitting at the Gryffindor table, stuffing Hogwarts' delicious food into their mouths as they talk about their excitement for the weekend. Sirius wishes they were third years, so they could spend their Saturdays in Hogsmeade. Tomorrow is the Quidditch game between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, which James and Frank will surely drag him to.
He stabs a potato with perhaps a bit too much force. It goes flying off his plate, splattering gravy everywhere, and hits the back of Remus' hand. Sirius apologises and passes him a napkin. Remus sends him a weak smile and then goes back to slowly playing with his food. He's been like this for most of the week, spacing out, a look of pain on his face. It's because the moon is in two nights. Sirius knows now how much it affects Remus during the week before, either making him feel awful or too energetic for his own good.
Sirius sighs, aware there isn't anything he can do to help his friend. His eyes wander over to the Slytherin table, he frowns at what he finds. Or, what he doesn't find. Pandora and Dorcas are sitting side by side, but where there are usually three Slytherin boys, there's three empty spaces.
James taps Sirius' arm from across the table, instantly claiming his attention. He nods his head in Remus' direction, so Sirius follows his gaze. Remus is bent over the table, palm holding his forehead, eyes squinted tightly shut. All of the noise is probably too much for him, especially with his heightened senses. He always gets migraines before a full, Sirius isn't sure why. He glances back at James and Peter and nods. At once, the three of them rise from the table, Sirius gently wrapping his hand around Remus' elbow, pulling him up too.
"What are you doing?" He mumbles.
"Come on," Sirius smiles gently. "We're going to take you to your bed."
Remus doesn't argue, he doesn't seem able to. The four of them leave the Great Hall and are faced with empty corridors, since everyone else is still at dinner. Sirius wraps an arm around Remus' torso and drapes Remus' arm over his own shoulders. James does the same on his other side, while Peter scurries ahead, trying to get a hold of the next staircase and Remus complains that he is fine.
They ignore his protests and continue to hold him steady as they ascend the staircases. It takes a long time to get to Gryffindor Tower, but that's no different to normal. Sirius doesn't understand why their common room has to be so far away anyway, they should consider moving it or renovating the stairs, he thinks. The portraits judge them as they pass, a couple of them seem concerned, but Peter waves his hand and offers a half-hearted excuse that seems to settle them.
James helps Remus through the portrait on his own because only two people fit through at a time and he is stronger than Sirius, being bigger. Peter and Sirius follow through soon after. Remus is half asleep by the time they reach the door to their dormitory.
Sirius moves forward to open the door, holding it for everyone. James helps Remus over to his bed, muttering something to him before closing the curtains and leaving him be. He is about to cast a silencing charm when a loud ROAR emanates from Remus' bed. Sirius hears Remus groan from behind the curtains at the sudden loud volume.
The three boys still standing in the room share a look of confusion. Then, a moment later, the sewn-in lion on Remus' bed curtains roars and begins to jump about, knocking into the other lions, completely ignoring the unicorns. As it bumps into the other lions, they wake up and start roaring too. Remus is grumbling from behind the curtains still, but Sirius is too puzzled by what his curtains are doing to worry at the moment.
James steps back at the same time the lions start jumping off the velvet, still 2D. It's frightening, watching something 2D approach you. Especially, when it looks like a stitched lion and is roaring with the same ferociousness of a real lion. In the next minute, every single lion thing in their room begins to come to life, roaring and jumping towards them, crowding them together.
James holds his arms out, wand suddenly in his hand. He backs Sirius and Peter into the wall, as if to protect them, but neither of them cower back. They both pull their wands out and move to stand beside James, facing the lions.
"What on Merlin's green earth?" Peter shouts over the roaring, never taking his eyes away from the pack of lions surrounding them. They don't seem to be paying Remus any attention, which Sirius is relieved about. They don't know if these lions are actually dangerous or not, whether they will bite them or scratch them or do something else just as threatening.
Sirius goes over a hundred different possibilities in his head, wondering how this could even happen. It must be a charm, which means someone has been in here and done it on purpose. A prank...
"Those slimy, little snakes!" He groans and stomps his foot, provoking one of the lions. He gulps and flinches back. "They're getting us back for the snakes last term."
"Anyone have any ideas for how to reverse it?" James questions loud enough for the other two boys to hear over the racket the lions are creating. Sirius can hear Remus' distant snores and wonders how on earth he could be sleeping through all the noise.
"Finite Incantatem !" Peter yells, but nothing happens.
"Shit," Sirius whispers. "How did they even get in? They must have gotten the password from someone, but who-" Sirius feels the betrayal hit him with more force than the roars in his face. "Pandora! Why would she do this to us? She must have told them the password after she was here on Tuesday!"
"Yeah, that's great, Sirius! Now, any idea how we can maybe not get eaten by fabric lions?" James shouts.
"And paintings," Peter says, pointing in the direction of a painted lion that had jumped right out of it's frame.
"And the bloody rug," he adds with a distressed cry. "Okay, okay. Uh... It's just Transfiguration, right? Sort of. All magic is the same. I can try and transfigure them into something else or back into lifelessness."
"Can you really do that?" James asks, turning to look at him for the first time, eyes wide behind his glasses.
"Maybe," Sirius shrugs, feeling very panicked now. The lions have properly closed them into a corner now. "I guess there's only one way to find out."
Sirius waves his wand through the air, feeling the intent of what he wants to warp, and points it at one of the lions. At first, nothing happens, and then it freezes up, resembling someone who has been put under Petrificus Totalus, and clatters to the floor. The other lions stop, staring down at it. A couple of them move forward to sniff it, but when they find it is no longer one of them, they step over it and bare their teeth at the boys again.
"Do it again, Sirius!" Peter cries. "Please, do it again!"
Sirius does. He is sure he has never cast so many spells so fast. A couple of the lions pounce and, because none of them know if the lions are an actual threat, Sirius acts as if they are real lions. He casts the same spell on each of them, transfiguring them back into defunct 2D lions.
His chest is rising and falling rapidly by the time he's finished. He swallows thickly as he stares down at all the 2D bodies.
"Now what?" Peter asks croakily.
"Are you alright?" James rests a careful hand on his shoulder.
Sirius nods in response and steps forward, standing between all of the bodies. It would probably be best to use Finite Incantatem on the blank spots in their room where the lions used to be and see if that fixes it. But with all of these flat lions, he isn't sure they would be salvageable. They will probably just have to vanish them.
He explains his plan to James and Peter, who begin to go around the room, replacing anything lacking a lion that didn't before, whilst Sirius gets to vanishing all of the 2D nightmares. Once he finishes and James and Peter are working on the last empty spaces, he pulls Remus' curtains back to check on him. He's still asleep, so Sirius leaves him that way. Before he closes the curtain behind himself, he reaches forward and unties Remus' tie from around his neck as diligently as he can, so as to not wake the boy.
Sirius assumes he is successful and turns to wrap the tie around Remus' bedpost, when he feels a finger poke his knee. He smiles and spins back around, Remus is blinking his eyes open slowly.
"What happened?" He yawns, trying to sit up, but Sirius doesn't let him, ordering him to lay back down. "I could've sworn I heard lions before I fell asleep."
"Well, Moony, you've only been out for forty minutes. Somehow, during your little nap, we were attacked by the furniture," Sirius says, a serious expression on his face.
"You what?"
"The snakes got us back," Sirius scowls. "They charmed all of the lions to jump out and come to life. We got backed up into the corner while you were peacefully sleeping across the other side of the room," he chuckles.
"I'm sorry, I could have helped," Remus says guiltily and tries to sit up again, this time managing to successfully.
"No, Remus," Sirius shakes his head sternly. "It's fine, we're fine, aren't we? You needed to sleep obviously, I'm surprised you could through all the noise."
"How did you get rid of them?"
Sirius repeats what they did again and how it all came down to Transfiguration logistics really. Anyone could have done the same thing.
"That's amazing, Sirius. How did you even think of that?" Remus is staring at him with wide eyes, his cheeks are still pink from his sleep and his hair is sticking up all over the place. He looks very endearing.
"I don't know," Sirius shrugs. "It was the first thing that came to my mind."
"I'm beginning to think you're like some Transfiguration messiah or something," Remus chuckles, his Welsh accent thicker because of his sleepy voice.
Sirius' eyes snap up to meet Remus' when he says that. There is something he has wanted to share with his friends since last year, but he didn't want to come across as boasting or like he was trying to be better than the rest of them. He has a feeling Remus won't mind if he tells him, so he closes the curtains around his bed, climbing further onto the bed, and casts a silencing charm. He sits cross-legged in front of Remus and starts fiddling nervously with a stray piece of string on one of Remus' blankets.
"You know before last summer when McGonagall asked me to go into her office? On results day." Remus nods, signalling for Sirius to continue. "Well, she wanted to talk to me about... switching."
"Switching what?" Remus frowns.
"Switching to third year instead of doing second year," Sirius explains quickly.
"She asked you to skip a year?" Remus gapes at him and then his expression falls and morphs into something much sadder.
"Yeah, she said I was working at a level higher than my peers, enough to skip second year. Apparently, it would have been good for my future or something," he shrugs again, feeling more uncomfortable than ever, but he isn't sure why. It's just a bit nerve-wracking admitting that he had the opportunity to excel way above his friends, to leave them behind, simply because he is more skilled than they are. It just sounds cocky.
"But you said no?" Remus asks, voice tight.
"I said no," Sirius nods.
"Why?" A whisper.
Sirius meets Remus' eyes and sends him a small smile. "I couldn't leave you lot behind, could I? What would you do without me?" What would I do without you? Sirius wants to say.
"Sirius," Remus scolds half-heartedly. "You're so stupid, how could you say no to an opportunity like that?"
"Easy," Sirius' smile grows. "I chose my friends over my brains. I will always do that, Remus. If you think otherwise for even a second, then you really don't know me that well."
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-I have no clue how to write Quidditch games, so hopefully that was okay
-not Regulus hating Effie and Monty for being good parents 😭
-Barty :( poor boy needs his head scratching
-pandora and evan, also need their heads scratching :(
-Regulus hugging Barty as if he is the boy's mother
-James being an observant king 👑❤
-Regulus not knowing how to respond to James' kindness and just being like "I hope you suffer!"
-I miss Arthur :(
-BENJI! I LOVE YOU! BENJIIIII
-Peter getting dressed quick so his crush doesn't see him is so me
-Frank crying of happiness because he and Alice had their first kiss ❤❤❤ PROTECT THIS BOY
-MOONY! THE NICKNAME! FINALLY
-I love Pandora and Xeno's friendship SO. MUCH.
-the boys taking care of Remus :(
-that payback prank is a bit creepy in my head ngl
-Sirius being a smart little king but choosing to stay with his friends <3Happy International Women's Day!! I hope this chapter was good? Let me know your thoughts!!
Chapter 20: Second Year: Because We're Marauders
Summary:
A secret room is discovered in the castle.
James finally talks to Lily.
Sirius discovers a plan to help Remus.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-injury (after a full moon)/scars
-brief mention of fear of small spaces/being trapped
-fear of causing harm/killing someone
-brief reference to internalised homophobia (the character doesn't know what they are feeling)Let me know if I've missed anything! :)
Sorry, it's been nine days. I've been very busy having two brain scans and I just needed a small break. I'm back!! I hope you enjoy this chapter, some of it wasn't planned and just sort of happened... so have fun! xx
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Something about you made me
feel a little more alive and a far
less lost.
~ The Better Man Project
Monday - 23rd October, 1972
Remus
The morning after the full moon, Remus wakes to the sound of his father and Sirius speaking in quiet whispers. Worry fills him, his tad is usually called to Hogwarts after the worse moons. Sometimes he will visit just for the sake of checking on his son, but most of the time it is because Remus has been injured worse than he would regularly be by the end of the night.
He inhales deeply, catching the scent of his three other roommates and Alice. That's a bit embarrassing. Remus doesn't like the idea that they have all been waiting around, watching him sleep. Groggily, he blinks his eyes open, mentally cursing the sun for still being so blinding during this time of the year. It's autumn, someone should let the sun know it's time to tone it down a little, lest Remus' retinas burn out of his eyeballs.
The first thing his eyes settle on is his tad, who's sitting on a chair to the left of Remus. He feels a shift on his right side and turns just in time to watch as Sirius crawls under the blanket beside him, getting comfortable as he usually tends to do so. The remaining four people in the vicinity are towards the end of his bed, James sitting beside his feet, while Peter, Frank and Alice stand behind him.
"Moony?" Sirius whispers from beside him. Remus feels himself jump a little at the proximity, he hadn't been aware Sirius was so close.
"What happened?" He croaks, his throat rough and dry like sandpaper. This is a common occurrence, likely because the wolf spends hours just howling at the ceilings of the shack.
Lyall reaches forward, taking Remus' hand in his own. No one says anything, which makes Remus panic. It must be really bad. Perhaps he's lost a leg? He tries wiggling them, breathing out a sigh of relief when he finds them both still attached. Maybe he ripped an ear off? Or slashed himself up so badly, now he's more mangled than he is boy?
The world is fuzzy around him as his eyes attempt to adjust to the lighting difference. Alice and Frank are holding hands behind James, smiles present on their faces, but there's a trace of pity there. Remus doesn't like it. He hopes whatever he's done to himself hasn't made them aware of his condition. Peter is staring anywhere but at Remus, not knowing where to look. James' eyes are trained on Sirius, who hasn't looked away from Remus.
"Please, can someone just..." Remus turns his attention to Sirius, who he knows will not lie to him. Will not dance around the truth, but will simply tell him if he asks him to. He begs with his eyes for Sirius to just tell him what's wrong.
Sirius takes in Remus' expression, opens his mouth to answer, and then turns to Alice and Frank. Remus follows this action, knowing Sirius will have to lie now, because Alice and Frank do not know he is a werewolf, even if everyone else in the room does.
"You were attacked by a creature from the forest," Sirius explains stiltedly. "Poppy found you this morning on the grounds. I'm assuming you were on your way to the owlery...?" It's an opening, a chance for Remus to fill in the gaps, make the fake story legible. He glances quickly at his dad, who winces and nods slightly.
"Yeah," Remus hears himself say. It feels like someone has dropped a boulder in his stomach. "I was sending a letter to Felix," he lies. "I don't remember what happened..."
It must be terrible. It must be really awful. Why else would they have to make up a lie at all? It's obvious. Whatever he has done to himself this time, it will be noticed by everyone.
"Remus, we just wanted to make sure you were alright," Alice speaks up. She lets go of Frank's hand and steps forward cautiously. "How are you feeling?" She smiles warmly down at him, it feels very maternal. Remus gets the sudden urge to push Sirius off the bed and allow Alice to take his place, simply so she can give him a hug.
"I'm fine," he shrugs, instantly wincing at the way his back audibly cracks. "Honestly, there was no need for you to worry about me. I'll be okay."
"I'm glad to hear that. We have to go off to breakfast now," Alice frowns. "I wanted to wait for you to wake up though." She takes another step forward and reaches her hand down, gently cupping Remus' jaw and rubbing her thumb slowly over his cheek. She smiles and presses a kiss to his cheek before pulling away and returning to Frank's side.
"We'll see you later, mate," Frank winks. "Try not to get attacked again, yeah?" He chuckles and follows Alice out. Once Remus is certain they have actually left, he turns on everyone else.
"What really happened?"
"Here." Sirius turns to the bedside table next to his side of the hospital bed. Remus is confused until Sirius brings his hand back, mirror clutched in his palm. "It isn't bad." Remus takes the mirror from his friend and holds it up before himself. He meets his own brown eyes, still somewhat golden, a lingering shade of the wolf's irises. They catch on a long, stretched scar, drawing the skin on his face taut, assaulting the freckles on his nose. When he looks closer, he finds there are two more, much fainter than the middle, scratched from his eyebrows and all the way along his face, down to his jaw.
"Well..." Remus swallows as he lays the mirror down on his bedsheets. He looks up at his friends and his tad and feels as his lips curl up in one corner. "I guess I no longer have a chance at beating your good looks, Sirius." He tuts and sends a smirk Sirius' way.
Two expressions cross Sirius' face, like he has two battling responses in his head, fighting to be the one to be said aloud. "You think I'm good looking?" Is what he settles on, smirk mirroring Remus' own.
He rolls his eyes. "I should not have boosted your ego."
Remus' eyes meet his father's, who watches Remus with curious eyes, as if trying to figure something out about him. He looks at Sirius and then back to Remus, who sends him a confused stare. His expression settles and he grins, making Remus more puzzled than ever before.
Monday - 30th October, 1972
"Remind me why I can't go to bed," Remus whines. The four of them are crowded in a secluded alcove on the seventh floor corridor, just having emerged from beneath the cloak. Sirius and James prepare their mirrors, talking over something silently between them.
"We're trying to get a rough idea of the entire castle for the map. Alcoves we may have missed, corridors we haven't explored yet, things like that," Peter explains. "Is it the moon?" He asks, gesturing to where Remus is pressing his fingertips into his temples, rolling them around in circles to try and get some sort of relief from the migraine he has coming on.
"Yeah," Remus responds, clenching his eyes shut. "That and those two idiots," gesturing to Sirius and James who are currently jumping on the spot, trying to see whose head will hit the ceiling of the alcove first. Peter grins fondly at the two of them before reaching out to kick at their legs, making James crash into the wall and Sirius trip with a curse.
"What the hell, Pete?" Sirius complains.
"Come on, who's going with who?"
"Well, after that little stunt you just pulled," Sirius grumbles while brushing off his trousers, resembling one of the Pureblood twats in their year whenever someone they view as below them accidentally makes contact with them in the corridor, "I'll be going with Moony. We'll take the fourth to seventh floors, James and Pete take the first to third floors and the greenhouses because you'll have the cloak with you, so you're less likely to get caught by Sprout if she's tending to her glowing Moonflowers."
"Okay, keep in touch through the mirror if you bump into Filch, Pete and I will come with the cloak," James says, folding up said object and tucking it into his pocket.
"Great," Sirius claps his hands together. "Come on, Moony," he clasps Remus' wrist, tugging him away from the alcove and down the hall. They're on the seventh floor now, so they start there while Pete and James head off down the staircases to the third floor.
On the seventh floor, they jot down the size and shape of every single room, corridor, bathroom, and alcove they find. Sirius insists on noting where the windows are, so Remus follows his instructions, being the one in charge of note-taking. Sirius is the one doing the more important magic, like measuring the rough perimeter of the rooms, as well as listing things out to Remus, who obediently writes them down.
On the sixth floor, they find the boys' bathroom, along with a few empty corridors and secluded classrooms that appear to have been left abandoned for the past couple of centuries. Other than that, they don't find anything worthy enough to get excited about.
The fifth floor is the largest so far, consisting of the Prefect's bathroom, which they do not yet have access to and are therefore unable to make accurate notes of. Remus sets a mental reminder to come back at a later date with the password. He knows Edwin McKinnon is the Prefect this year for fifth year, and will likely willingly give Remus the password if he asks for it. They find the upper hall, a couple of storerooms and more obsolete classrooms. Finally, they enter the casual reading lounge, purposed to encourage students to get in some further reading. It is more successful at deterring students from spending time on the fifth floor of the castle, leaving it isolated most of the time, spare the odd Prefect returning from their shared bathroom.
He and Sirius enter it, finding shelves among shelves of books, mostly fictional. A vast difference from the library, which is only one floor below. The library contains some fictional books, but over the last year and a bit, Remus has discovered that there are very few fictional pieces, much to his disappointment.
The lounge is decorated with Gryffindor red furniture and maroon drapes over the Celtic windows. The carpet is aged, yet still suitable enough to not be considered replaceable just yet. Remus ignores Sirius as he casts his perimeter spell and starts shouting out digits, opting to browse the shelves instead. It is clear not many students come here, as the carpet grows less worn down and more coloured the further Remus explores. He imagines only Ravenclaws and the odd few students from the three other houses have ever really spent any significant time down here.
It's a maze, the way the shelves become more narrow and curve around each other, hugging almost. He can hear Sirius' distant voice as it fades farther and farther away from him, calling out his name like a beacon. It is only when he turns, expecting to find a left-hand turn next and coming up to a corner where only a right-hand turn exists, that he realises he is lost.
"Shit," he cuts out in a whisper. "Sirius! I- Where are you?"
"Remus? Oh, you've gone into the shelves, haven't you?" Sirius calls, distress clear in the way his voice wobbles a bit on the last word.
"Yeah. Why? Sirius, why did you say that as if it's a bad thing?"
Sirius doesn't speak for a minute, then two. Remus is about to yell for him again, when the black-haired boy appears at his side.
"You've gotten us into deep shit now, you know that, right?" Sirius raises an eyebrow at him, hands firmly on his hips. Remus grows agitated, wondering what led Sirius to the impression that he has the right to act as any kind of authority figure right now.
"What do you mean? What did I supposedly do?" Remus huffs.
"You absolutely just walked right into a living trap, Moony," Sirius explains, eyebrows drawn tightly together. "I'm surprised you haven't heard of it since you apparently know every secret about this bloody castle, thanks to your lupine senses."
"A living trap," Remus mumbles.
Sirius nods. "This is the maze of Godric. Students have been getting lost in here for years. It's alive. It shifts and rearranges itself to make it a harder challenge for you to escape."
"Then why isn't it boarded off?" His voice is panicked, he knows it is, but he can't help it. If this is true and they're stuck here... forever- No, they can't be. They just can't. Remus needs to get out, he needs to- What if they're in here for days or weeks or months? What if... what if they cannot find their way out before the next full moon.
"Every student to get stuck has been able to find the correct path to lead them out," Sirius shrugs, not seeming to pick up on Remus' mini crisis he is having. "We have an advantage because there is two of us, plus we're both extremely smart. We can do it." Remus is baffled by the bravery evident in Sirius' tone, that and the complete lack of uncertainty.
"Okay, so we just... head back the way we came?" Remus asks, then he turns and faces Sirius head on. The boy is much shorter than him, still not having experienced a major growth spurt yet. Sirius' silver eyes are set on him already, staring up with nothing but certitude. "Wait. You're here?"
"Excellent observational skills, sweet Moony," Sirius snorts.
Remus blushes, embarrassed. "Shut up, you know what I mean. You... you followed me? You knew you would get stuck..."
"Yes," Sirius shrugs, sending Remus a look that shows he doesn't understand the point he is attempting to make.
"Why?" He whispers.
Sirius smiles and his eyes glimmer, shining blue against the amber lanterns hanging from above. Remus hadn't been aware Sirius' eyes were blue, he'd always been under the impression they were grey.
"Because we're marauders and we don't leave anyone behind, ever. So," Sirius turns away, glancing at their surroundings, "which way should we go? Not the way we came, it would have already changed. It'll only bring us more trouble."
They remain in their spot, listening to the faint shifting of the maze. Remus finds himself wondering if they will make it out come morning. It's Halloween tomorrow, and the marauders have plans to go to Honeydukes and raid their new supply. Rumour has it (or so Sirius heard from Gideon and Fabian), Ambrosius Flume, the owner of Honeydukes, invented a new type of sweet, but they wouldn't say what it is.
Now, they might not find out for days or weeks. What would James and Peter think? What would they say to the Professors and Lily and their parents?
"This way," Sirius says, pointing towards the aisle behind Remus. He sets off before Remus has the chance to reply. He isn't sure what he would say anyway. He knows he wouldn't protest, he hasn't got any idea where to go. His "lupine senses" aren't paying as useful in this moment.
They take a left, then another, a right and then go back on themselves, only to find the direction they had just come from has disappeared. Sirius leads him onwards, going in the only other direction. Remus notices the carpet only growing more new, reddening where it had been more of a faded pink near the entrance of the maze.
He searches the books with his eyes, noticing that most of them are actually Muggle books. 'Alice in Wonderland' catches his eye, among others like 'Little Women' and 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'.
It brings him comfort, having books that hold familiarity surround him in a place he feels so afraid of. He doesn't like being trapped, in small places or just anywhere he cannot get himself out of. This is sort of his worst nightmare. Well, not quite. He thinks killing someone- or worse, turning someone, would be a harsher nightmare than this one.
It's also nice having the back of Sirius' head to focus on. He's grown out his hair so that it's properly hanging on his shoulders now, trickling down in loose ringlet curls. Some of it is tucked into the back of his collar at the moment and Remus gets the urge to gently pull it out. It's probably getting all knotty being bunched up in his shirt. It reminds him a bit of Marie when her blonde locks go frizzy after she extricates them from where they have gotten tangled in the hood of her coat.
They step out into a wider room and Remus thinks they are free, that is until he notices that the room they are now in is circular, while the original had been rectangular. He groans, hoping the room just... changed shape. It's not such an absurd idea when you take into account they have been stuck wandering aimlessly through a living maze for the past hour or two. Remus has lost track of time.
In the centre of the room, there's a threadbare carpet, round like the room. Shelves encase the space, brimmed with thick tombs. Unlike the rest of the books, these are ancient. Beneath the carpet, the floor is panelled with ebony, wooden floorboards that twirl in circles to match the room and carpet.
Sirius steps forward, heading straight for one of the thick books on their left.
"Sirius," Remus warns, holding out a hand but just missing.
"Remus..." Sirius whispers. He pulls the book off the shelf, struggling a bit under the weight. He reads the title and his eyes widen. "What is this place?" He holds up the book in his hand, allowing Remus to read the title.
The Complete History of Marietta Selwyn;
An Unspeakable's Guide
Remus frowns, eyes connecting with Sirius'. Everyone knows that unspeakables are wizards and witches who work in the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry. It is a recognised fact that no one knows what they do, nor what they find in the mysterious department. Not even the Minister or Albus Dumbledore, for that matter, knows what occurs in the Department of Mysteries. So, the very existence of this book should be... impossible.
In a split second, they both start shuffling about the circular room, taking in the other titles that surround them. Remus doesn't even notice that the place through which they entered the room has closed up behind them, leaving them officially stuck.
The books they discover only get more peculiar. They find titles like: The Fourteen Uses of Dragon's Blood and Seven Ways to Survive the Killing Curse! and Godric Gryffindor's Very Secretive Secrets.
There are only twelve uses of Dragon's blood, credited by Dumbledore, as far as the Wizarding world is aware. Everyone knows the killing curse in unavoidable. There is no way to survive it. Remus already knows that last one was written by a Gryffindor, the only people likely to use a matching adjective and noun. Remus is almost ashamed to be a part of the noble house.
He reaches towards the velvet-coloured tome, title written in dazzling golden cursive. Just as his fingertips brush it's spine, he hears a thud and a curse and turns to find Sirius on the floor.
"Bloody rug," he growls from the floor. Remus chuckles down at him, holding out a hand for his friend to grab. "Honestly! Who puts a rug on slippery hardwood? Twat."
Remus opens his mouth to respond when his eyes catch on something beneath the carpet. It's bunched up where Sirius' foot must have hit it. A golden handle, circular like everything else in this strange room, sits on the floor. Sirius catches his expression and twirls around to find what he is staring at.
"A secret door?" He questions, eyebrow rising high.
"You first?" Remus asks, sending a smirk Sirius' way.
"Of course," Sirius responds. "Gotta keep Moony safe first, always."
"Just go, ffycin."
"Word for the day?" Sirius smiles.
"Fucker."
"You're a right ffycin," he guffaws and then kneels in front of the random handle. Remus flips him off from behind before joining him on the floor.
Sirius grips the golden ring and heaves it up, gasping when it pulls away from the floor easily and falls against the part of the floor opposite them. They both glance down into the abyss, an amber light illuminating from below, highlighting a spiral staircase that begins right in front of them.
Sirius grips his wand as it appears in his hand and holds it out before them protectively. He starts down the stairs and Remus has no choice but to follow. The steps are wooden, the same ebony colour as the floorboards above, and spiral down. The space surrounding them is consumed by darkness. Remus' eyes adjust easily, a wolf thing.
The moment Sirius' feet reach the ground, the room begins to glow bright amber-orange. Remus flinches at the lighting change and stares up at the ceiling. Crystallised droplets hang in clusters from above, all varying in length. Fiery orange light burns from within them, brightening the room adequately enough for them to be able to take in their surroundings.
A ginormous inventory lies before them, covering up a third of the wall space down here. It's stocked with different medieval equipment: swords, armour, shields, morning stars, and other objects, Remus suspects are magical. His eyes wander, finding three training dummies to the right of the inventory, each lined up as if ready for battle. On the opposite side of the room, which is a circle just as the room above had been, a long duelling stage stands, adorned with a purply-red cover. This one is also decorated with the phases of the moon. Remus smiles at the memory of Sirius creating his new nickname Moony because of a stage just like this one.
Before he is able to find out what else this hidden room holds, Sirius groans and then hisses from beside him. Remus turns just in time to watch as a book bounces off Sirius' head and lands on the floor at their feet. They look at each other once, a silent way of stating it was not either of them who threw the book. Remus turns in the direction it must have come from, finding that the staircase has bookshelves built into it. There's a gap on the fifth shelf up, big enough to have previously inhabited the book that attacked Sirius.
Remus leans down and picks it up, not thinking of the consequences of his actions. Luckily, nothing happens other than the obscene amount of dust that puffs outward and right up his nose. He sneezes a couple of times, along with Sirius, who buries his face into the crook of his elbow. He brushes off the front of the tome and reads the golden title.
The Duelling Den: Godric Gryffindor's Guide
"Does that mean what I think it means?" Sirius asks, leaning closer as Remus opens the book, coming to the first page where the name Godric Gryffindor has been written in maroon ink and underlined twice.
"This was Godric Gryffindor's," Remus nods and Sirius stares at him with wide eyes. Remus searches the rest of the room with his eyes. There's a fireplace, a couch and two armchairs circling it. A giant, stone statue of a lion stands tall between the inventory and the fireplace, it's face set in a nose-crinkling roar. On the other side of the fireplace, there's a tapestry depicting a picture of the castle, and beside that...
"The founders," Remus whispers. A portrait illustrating the four founders of Hogwarts, each dressed in their statement colours, equipped with their classic objects (Gryffindor's sword, Slytherin's locket, Ravenclaw's diadem, and Hufflepuff's cup), looking young and carefree. Remus assumes they could only have been twenty when this was painted. They move much like magic photographs do, but do not seem to have captured the consciousness other magical portraits are created with. "I think this must have been Gryffindor's hidden room."
"Hidden room?" Sirius questions.
"There's a rumour that the founders each created a room, all hidden in the fabric of the castle's magic. No one has ever discovered them though, so I just assumed it was fake news."
"We found Godric Gryffindor's secret room? A place no one has ever found," Sirius searches Remus' face for confirmation. He nods and Sirius bounces up and down. "Oh, Merlin! That's so cool! We have to show James and Pete.
"How are we supposed to get out of the maze?" Remus asks.
"I don't know," Sirius frowns, thinking. "I can't imagine Gryffindor would have gone through that maze every single time he wanted to visit his room. There has to be another way in and out."
Both of them spin on the spot, looking for any sign of a door or hidden latch. Anything. Remus doesn't find anything, not visibly anyway. He stops when the tapestry of Hogwarts is in front of him, remembering all of the hidden alcoves behind the tapestries around the castle. He starts forward, Sirius a step behind him. Reaching out a hand, Remus gently pulls back the tapestry, revealing a man-sized hole and a connecting tunnel.
"Is it safe?" Sirius whispers, peering into the tunnel with a look of eagerness on his face.
Remus inhales deeply, getting the faint whiff of the car cleaner Felix's dad always uses that burns the inside of Remus' nose. Stranger and stranger.
"I think so," he says eventually. This time, he is the first to enter the mysterious secret passage. He can feel Sirius directly behind him, remaining close enough that Remus can feel his breath on the back of his neck. They walk for what feels like an hour before Remus stops. Sirius walks right into his back.
"Mmph-" He tuts. "What is it, Moony?"
"There's a crossroad," Remus mumbles, not really listening. He's trying to focus on what he can smell, on what direction smells like the safest option. The left side smells familiar, like burnt logs and old furniture, while the right smells like the car cleaner. His nose scrunches up in disgust and he decides he would rather risk the smelly furniture than whatever that could be. "This way."
"How do you know?" Sirius asks in wonder.
"I don't," Remus admits. "But the other direction doesn't... It isn't safe, I don't think."
They don't speak again after that. The trail continues, slowly narrowing upward until they're pretty much walking up a ramp. It's not too steep, so Remus' back doesn't ache, nor do his calves from all the exertion. He's actually feeling alright after the last full moon, especially considering what happened to his face. Poppy fixed it up as much as she was able, leaving only three faint white lines on his face that, Remus knows from years of experience, will never go away.
It takes a while, possibly even another hour, for them to reach the end of the tunnel. It's a dead end. Except... the scent of old furniture, burnt logs, and... people is stronger than ever. Remus stretches out a hand, brushing his fingertips against the surface of the wall in front of him. He is surprised when he feels the texture of a canvas, instead of a stone wall.
"I think this is a portrait," Remus murmurs. Sirius stands next to him, the tunnel having widened more the closer they got to the exit. The other boy reaches forward to feel the wall, swiftly agreeing with him that it does feel like a canvas. "Do we just... push it open then?"
"That or nothing, Moony," Sirius grins. "Unless you want to go the other way, which you claimed to be dangerous. Or we could try our luck with the maze again. If we're lucky, we'll make it out of here before the year ends."
Remus rolls his eyes and pushes at the wall with trepidation. It swings open under his palm and he gasps at what it reveals. He jumps into the room, landing on the plush crimson carpet. Lucky for them, no students are around to watch as the two second year Gryffindors jump out from behind the portrait that Remus knows for a fact is of Godric Gryffindor, after having had it staring him straight in the eye for the past year. They are back in the Gryffindor common room.
"What?" Sirius questions as he takes in his surroundings. "If it's been right here all along, then how has no one ever found it?"
"I'm assuming Gryffindor's portrait has never been moved, out of respect," Remus suggests, his guess as good as any other. "How long do you think we've been gone for?"
Sirius casts a quick tempus charm, telling them it's almost one in the morning. They have been gone for four hours.
"Shit, James is going to be freaking out," Remus panics, feeling guilty even if this entire journey has been entirely against his will. "Come on." They run back up to their dormitory. When Remus opens the door, he is immediately faced with a pacing James, a worried Peter, and snores coming from behind Frank's bed curtains.
"Where the hell have you been?" James cries, lunging forward to wrap them both in a hug. "We searched everywhere for you, all over the castle."
"We're so sorry, James. We got a bit trapped," Remus grimaces at the half-truth.
"Then you should have used the mirror," Peter snaps, clearly mad at the two boys for having stirred James up.
"Shit, you're right," Sirius winces, running a hand through his hair nervously. "Sorry, Pete. It's just... we found something."
"You found something?" James asks, pulling back slightly to look up at Remus. His eyes are watery and his glasses are askew on his face. Remus feels awful for being the reason that James is in this state.
"Yeah, it's complicated," Remus explains. "It's a room, but it's... We can show you tomorrow."
"I think you should go to bed for now, James," Peter cuts in, laying a caring hand on his friend's shoulder. "You're exhausted, mate."
"Right," James says with an exhausted sigh, rubbing his hand roughly over his face and dislodging his glasses so that they sit wonky on his nose. Remus pulls them off his friend's face and hands them to him. "Thanks. You lot should get some sleep too. If we're lucky, we'll get five hours in before breakfast tomorrow."
Remus groans at the thought.
***
Tuesday - 31st October, 1972
James
The next morning at breakfast, Sirius and Remus take turns explaining where it was they had found themselves last night. It takes a long time as the four boys are plagued with exhaustion and they keep either losing their focus or slurring their words. Much to Frank's disconcertment, James hadn't even gotten up this morning to practice Quidditch drills with him. He's just happy it hadn't been an official team practice, otherwise he would have absolutely fallen asleep upon his broomstick.
They decide to visit the room tonight, after their Honeydukes run they have had planned ever since the beginning of October. The Prewett twins had informed them of the stock of newly invented sweets that none of the four boys had ever heard of. Sirius and Remus had been very adamant with their suggestion of travelling to Godric Gryffindor's secret room through the portrait in the common room, rather than the route they had originally taken to get there. James couldn't help but be relieved by this idea after having heard from Remus about the pain-in-the-arse that was the maze.
"I was thinking about it last night and I think I figured out how all those students made it out in the past," Remus says around a mouthful of pancake. "The carpet was flatter at the entrance, but by the time we made it to the circular room, before the floorboards appeared, the carpet was almost brand new. I think if you follow the carpet as it ages, you find your way out."
"That makes sense," Sirius nods. "I'm glad we didn't think of that last night though, otherwise we would have never found Gryffindor's room."
Once they have each finished their breakfast, they head off to class. They share half of their lessons with the Slytherins today, not that James minds too much. However, he must say he is not too fond at the prospect of having to deal with the Carrow twins today. Especially not after the little sleep he had gotten the night before.
James drifts through the lessons automatically, not really paying attention but getting all of the notes down. He falls asleep in History of Magic and is only woken when Lily chucks a paper ball at his head, gesturing for him to pay attention, quickly followed by her doing the same thing to Peter, Sirius and, much to James' shock, Remus too.
Potions is a mundane affair. James and his friends remain very obviously languid throughout the lesson. He takes the seat beside the wall and feels a spike of satisfaction at the sight of Regulus' face softening slightly when he takes in James' tired form slumped against the wall. They don't speak, nor do they pass any notes, which James is relieved about. He isn't sure he would be able to remain conscious during the conversation even if he tried. He spends the lesson scribbling down his notes before they even make it out of Slughorn's mouth, knowing what the Professor will likely be talking about for the next twenty minutes merely from the potion's name. Regulus elbows him whenever his head starts to drop and James sends him grateful smiles each and every time, even if the Slytherin boy does look peeved.
He is jolted out of his fatigued state in Charms when Lily practices the Disarming Charm on him, only to send James through the air accidentally. The smack of his entire body against the opposite wall of the classroom is enough to summon the attention his mind has been lacking for the entire day.
By the time their double Transfiguration lesson with the Slytherins comes along, James is fully awake for the first time all day. He's jumping a bit, feeling hyper all of a sudden, likely because of the random burst of energy that was evoked within him at being slammed into the wall in Charms (which Lily had apologised for profusely). Today, McGonagall orders them to pair up and attempt to transfigure the colour of their partner's hair.
James and Remus automatically gravitate towards each other since they're already sitting side by side. Peter and Sirius are pointing their wands at the other, giggling manically between them.
"You want to go first?" James asks Remus, who shrugs and says, "Sure."
It doesn't take long for Remus to get a hang of the spell, and before James knows it, he is looking into a mirror, gaping at the turquoise atrocity atop of his head. It reminds him vaguely of the prank they pulled in first year, their first ever prank.
James takes a little longer than Remus did, but when he's mastered it, he points his wand in Remus' direction and watches as Remus' usually golden-brown curls turn bright orange. It startlingly resembles Arthur Weasley's hair colour and makes James laugh at the sight of his friend with ginger hair. Jokes aside, Remus actually rather suits his new hair colour.
"I look like a pumpkin," Remus groans, but he's smiling.
"Well, it is Halloween," James chuckles, patting his friend comfortingly on the shoulder. He looks around the room, taking in the range of different coloured heads around them. Sirius is sporting bright white hair, which actually suits him extremely well. Like this, James thinks, he could be mistaken as Xeno's brother, or as being related to the Rosier twins. Peter's hair is the colour of candy floss, giving him a much sweeter appearance than the one he already has.
James lets out a mighty guffaw when his eyes land on the table in front of him. Dorcas is flaunting her purple braids - James thinks purple is absolutely her colour. Regulus... James feels his eyes water at the sight as he tries to subdue his laughter, not wanting to come across as mean. He can't help it as his laughter begins to trickle out of him. Regulus' usual abyss-black hair is now lime green.
"Dorcas, change it back!" Regulus hisses quietly, worry and anger clear in his voice and the way his eyes are getting wider by the second. Dorcas lets out a small laugh before waving her wand through the air. "There," she smirks. Regulus checks himself out in the tiny mirror each table has been provided with by McGonagall. He groans.
"I said back ! Change it back!"
"Aww, but I think this colour suits you, Black," Dorcas hums and puts her wand down on the table, a statement that proves she will not be fixing the situation anytime soon.
"I look like... like..." Regulus struggles and then drops the mirror petulantly onto the table. "I don't look like a Black anymore." He folds his arms over his chest.
"Exactly," Dorcas grins. She leans forward to ruffle the boy's chestnut-brown curls and he swats her hand away. She only sends him a teasing look of reprimand, but he huffs in frustration and glances away from her, eyes meeting James'.
"What are you looking at, Potter?" His eyes move up to James' mop of turquoise hair and an amused expression takes it's place on his face. "Normally, I am not one to openly compliment a Gryffindor, but I have to say Lupin's work is spectacular today."
"It's not all him you know," James says with a wink. Regulus' cheeks tinge pink and he turns in his seat with a small growl. It isn't nearly as intimidating with his warm hair colour that is nowhere near as harsh as his usual black curls that are independently capable of striking fear into anyone.
Later that night, the boys sneak into Honeydukes and steal half a crate of the new sweets. They fill their pockets to the brims and then run back through the tunnel, returning to the castle much quicker than they ever have before. Sirius has to stop Peter from indulging and accidentally eating one of the sweets before they get there. Honestly, James is tempted too, they look mouth-watering, but they all know they have to wait until they arrive at Gryffindor's room after hearing rumours that the effects of the sweets are loud.
It's late when they arrive back to the Gryffindor common room. It's dark, the night sky advertising the stars through the tower's windows. The only light comes from the ever-burning fireplace. Everyone has gone up to bed, so the boys take this as their queue to quickly sneak through Godric Gryffindor's portrait and start their journey to the room.
It takes an hour until they are finally there, Remus using his extensive sense of smell to guide the way. When they finally get there, James and Peter wander around the room, taking it all in. It was definitely created by a Gryffindor - Godric Gryffindor himself apparently. Sirius and Remus go around exploring just as meticulously as James and Peter do, not having had much of a chance to the night before.
Eventually, they end up sat in a circle atop of the duelling stage, Sirius and James wearing golden chest-plates with fake abs melded into them. They'd found them in the inventory and checked themselves out in the mirror that sat between the armoury and the arsenal. Remus and Peter had opted not to do the same, but found themselves laughing at the other two boys' antics.
They ripped open the bags of sweets, each with different animal pictures on the packaging. Sirius is the first to try one, plucking a sweet out of the bag with a picture of a dog on the front. James almost jumps backwards when a sharp bark shouts it's way out of his friend's mouth. Every time Sirius tries to talk for the next thirty seconds, he barks like a dog. After those thirty seconds, the effects wear off and Sirius' voice returns to normal.
"Wicked," he grins and James can't help but agree with him. He goes next, choosing to go for an elephant one. The three boys stare at him expectantly. He doesn't feel any difference, so when he opens his mouth to speak and a trumpet noise releases itself from the back of his throat, he almost chokes.
Remus and Peter go at the same time, Remus with a monkey and Peter with a lion. It's a bit ridiculous and fills James' eyes with joyous tears as he chuckles. They spend the rest of the evening doing this, not bothered by the fact they will most likely only get five hours of sleep tonight as well. It is worth it for nights like these, James knows this will be one of the things he remembers in the future, one day when he is a very old man and he is reminiscing over his Hogwarts days, perhaps sharing stories to his children or grandchildren.
James and Remus start packing away the remaining bags of sweets and vanishing the litter as the night draws to a close. Meanwhile, Peter and Sirius are browsing the books that inhabit the bookshelves on the winding staircase.
"Does anyone know what a hawk-cru-cks is?" Peter shouts to the room. When none of the boys say they do, he frowns down at the book in his hands and then shrugs, placing it back on the shelf. "Apparently Godric knew how to destroy them, probably some dark magic thing that doesn't exist anymore."
"Yeah," Sirius agrees.
James turns back to where he's reaching down to grab the last sweets bag. Remus goes for it at the same time, accidentally brushing hands with James'. He hisses and reels back, causing James to stare at his friend with shocked concern.
"Remus? What is it?" He asks, slowly stepping towards Remus who has huddled back toward the other side of the stage. He's holding his hand in his opposite one, cradling it close to his chest, eyes squeezed shut.
"Your ring," Remus pants. "It's silver. Can't. Silver. Werewolf," he points to himself and James immediately feels guilty that he hadn't thought of that before. He removes his ring straight away and shoves it into his pocket. He'd only bought it this summer during a trip to Muggle London with his dad, finding it in someplace called a charity shop. It had been very cheap, he thinks, though he couldn't be sure. His knowledge is limited when it comes to things about Muggles.
"I'm sorry, Remus," James frowns, stopping in his tracks. "Are you- Is there anything I can do to help you?"
"No," Remus shakes his head and James notices the way sweat glistens his forehead. "It's fine, it just burns."
Sirius is beside them both in a second, holding out his hand towards James. "Gimme. I can transfigure it into gold or something instead." James reaches into his pocket and passes Sirius the silver ring, careful to keep it as far away from Remus as possible when the other boy flinches and clenches his nose shut with his hand. "I don't know why you were wearing this colour anyway," Sirius rolls his eyes. "You're a Gryffindor, not a Slytherin."
"It's just a colour," James shrugs. He is quickly shut up by the sight of the ring morphing from silver to gold before his very eyes. It sits in Sirius' palm until the boy is certain it's finished. James stares in wonder at his friend. He is so amazing at Transfiguration, like ridiculously so.
"Cheers," James says and places it back on his finger. Remus doesn't flinch away, so James knows it has worked. Once again, he is amazed by the talent Sirius holds.
Thursday - 2nd November, 1972
James, Remus and Lily are studying in the library, not for any particular reason, it isn't as if they have exams until May. It has become a habit now to return to the library and go over everything they have learnt together in companionable silence. James knows he will be grateful for his notes by the time the end of the year exams roll upon them. He only wishes Sirius and Peter would adopt the same routine as he and Remus have, though he knows Sirius is too much of a last-minute-cramming person and Peter is too much of a procrastinator, which does not bode well for him since he gets anxious and panicky around exam season.
When Remus goes off to find a book somewhere in the back of the library, James sees this as the chance that it is. He has been meaning to speak privately with Lily ever since the beginning of the year, but hasn't found the opportunity to yet. Well, that and he's been nervous to talk to her.
She turns to look at him with a small smile, a blush painting her cheeks as she focuses back on her work. James clears his throat and swivels in his seat to face her head-on, this seems to catch her attention once again. Lily raises an eyebrow at him and James feels his own face grow pink, though he knows it is for a different reason than why Lily's has.
"We need to talk," he says and immediately winces at his choice of words.
Lily places her quill down on the table and swallows, understanding making it's way onto her face. She smiles politely at him and says, "I had a feeling you would seek me out about this eventually."
"I'm sorry, Lils," James grimaces, forcing all the sincerity he has in his body into his words. "I really am. You're- I mean, you are very lovely and kind and smart and pretty," her cheeks turn so red at his words that they rival the colour of her hair. "I just... I only see you as a friend. In the nicest way possible. It, I mean, I'm sure you would make a brilliant girlfriend, but I just don't see you that way."
Lily nods her head slowly, her expression giving nothing away. James is about to apologise again, or go on another rant when she finally speaks.
"I know, James," she says gently and James is relieved to see her smiling again. "You're correct in assuming that I like you because I do." Her emerald green eyes don't falter away from his once, James has to admire her bravery. "I also see you as a friend, a very great friend. It's not like I chose to have a crush on you, it just sort of... I don't know, happened? It's completely fine if you don't like me back, I've known for a while now that you don't and that's okay too." She shrugs. "You're not obligated to. I'm just happy we can still be friends, unless this makes you uncomfortable?"
"No, not at all," James blurts and is surprised to find that he is telling the truth. Okay, so it had been a bit strange at first to discover Lily's secret feelings for him, but listening to her explain herself has made him feel a lot better. He understands really. You can't choose who you are attracted to and James knows first-hand how difficult that can make a situation... or a friendship sometimes.
"Good," Lily nods as if it's all been resolved, which James supposes it has. She picks up her quill, dipping the tip of it into her inkwell. Then, she mumbles, "I know you already like someone else anyway." It's quiet enough that she may not have meant for James to hear it, or maybe she said it at such a low volume so he could choose to ignore it if he wanted to. Perhaps it was so no one in the library overheard. Either way, James has no clue what she's on about, so he decides to pretend he didn't hear her.
When Remus returns, he says he's ready to leave and Lily agrees, packing away her things. James waves them both off when they ask if he's coming with them, still having to finish his History of Magic essay. He's nearly done, just a couple of inches of parchment left to go. He jumps out of his skin when Sirius is suddenly in the seat Lily had been occupying only minutes before. He hadn't even seen him come in.
"Shit," he squeaks. "Don't do that."
Sirius snorts. "Sorry, mate. I had to be stealthy." He peers around the room as if confirming they are not being watched or listened in on. "I need to talk to you about something extremely important. Life-altering important."
James has never seen Sirius so serious; as ironic as that statement may be, it is true. He lifts his hands from under the table and slams a thick book down onto the surface. Dust flies everywhere, making James clear his throat with a loud cough. Sirius just grins down at the object as if it is his pride and joy.
"Took me a couple of days to find it," he says in a low voice and James can already tell he is about to say something that will likely get them into a lot of trouble if they are found out. Sirius opens the first page and runs his finger along the contents list until he finds what he is looking for. When he finally locates the correct page, he pushes the other half of the large book to the side, making another loud bang echo through the library. James is surprised Madam Pince hasn't come around the corner to glare at them yet.
James reads the title at the top of the page, it only confuses him further.
Method and Properties of Becoming an Animagus
"Sirius?" James questions and looks up at his friend, who is grinning manically in a way James has only ever seen Barty Crouch smile. It's terrifying.
"I've found out a way to help Remus," he whispers and James instantly forgets all of his worries and focuses on listening to Sirius' plan.
Friday - 3rd November, 1972
On the morning of Sirius' thirteenth birthday, the four other boys in the dormitory arise before the teenager himself. They count down from three, jumping on top of the boy when they reach one. Yells of "HAPPY BIRHTDAY!" ensue and Sirius groans at them all to shove off but he's grinning widely.
They get to breakfast and start singing to Sirius. Little does he know, James, Peter and Remus have pranked him just as they did Remus on his birthday when he was forced to wear the cake hat. Except, this time around Sirius is forced to giggle like a toddler and say "ME!" whenever someone sings "Sirius" or "you" in the Happy Birthday song. It's hilarious to watch his shocked expression the first time it happens, but he embraces it and dares the boys to sing the song as many times as they want.
Sirius' birthday goes much the same as it did last year, his parents sending a cake and presents, the boys all cheering and singing to him. Except, this time when their lessons are over for the day and Remus is in the common room with Lily, Sirius pulls James and Peter up to their dormitory and spells the door shut.
"So, Animagus plans," he whispers conspiratorially. "I've been making notes, not a lot since I only found the book yesterday. I think that's where we should start. Are you both still sure you want to do this? You know it's illegal, right?"
"Yes," James responds without hesitation. "If it will help Remus and it means he won't be alone," his voice breaks on that last word, "then yes, I'm in."
"Pete?" Sirius asks, looking at the other boy.
"Oh, absolutely," Peter grins. "Four musketeers and all that."
"Okay, so here's the plan," Sirius starts and the two other boys lean in. "I'm going to do the research part since I've already started it and I think it would be a waste of time if two of us were doing it only to end up with the same information. Besides, I can probably get access to the Restricted Section if I just tell McGonagall I'm trying to 'further my studies'." He puts up two of his fingers on each hand like quotation marks at those last three words.
"That sounds like a good idea," James agrees with a nod. "What next? How long do you reckon it will take for you to research absolutely everything we'll need to know?"
"Let's say Easter to summer time," Sirius says with a grimace. "I know that sounds like ages, but we need to be careful with this. It's very dangerous magic and we do not want to be getting it wrong."
"We also don't want to get caught," Peter adds in.
"Exactly," Sirius says. "It will be too suspicious if I take out books on how to become an Animagus every single time I'm in the library. So, yeah, let's say summer is the deadline. After that we'll need to start collecting ingredients. Once I've figured out exactly what we need and precisely how long each ingredient will take to be added and successfully work, I can make a further timeframe for how long it will take us to make the potion."
"It's a potion?" James perks up. "That's great. I can help plenty there, so that gives us an advantage."
"Yes," Sirius agrees and carries on. "I do know that at the very end, the last step is to wait for a lightning storm, so the rough timeframe won't exist for that stage. We'll just have to go whenever the time is most opportune."
"So, during the summer we should all meet up and go over the notes together," Peter suggests and the other two boys agree.
"I feel bad lying to Remus," James presses his lips together in a thin line. "Though, I suppose it is for him. In the long run, we're helping him more than we're hurting him."
"I know, mate," Sirius grabs onto James' shoulder as a sign of comfort. "It's not going to be easy, but this is for our Remus. Our Moony."
Peter nods and repeats, "Our Moony."
"Our Moony," James echoes with an unconvincing smile.
Saturday - 4th November, 1972
Today is James' first ever match against Hufflepuff. They won in their game against Ravenclaw, while Gryffindor unfortunately lost during their game against Slytherin. This only made the Gryffindor's endeavours stronger. Darius has had them practicing more than usual, which has been fine for Frank and James, who normally spend the early hours of every morning practicing until it's time for another house's team to take the pitch for their practice.
James is playing against Florence Spring, who is one of the new Hufflepuff Beaters, and Archie Macmillan, Florence's cousin. He's a Chaser, just like James. They are friendly, mostly knowing each other from Potion's club, though James does know Florence a little bit better because of Remus.
It is obvious the Gryffindor team are aiming to win today by the way each flyer plays as if their lives depend on it. Darius has evolved his tactic to flying somewhat above the game to get a better point of view, but not as far as Regulus does when he's playing the game. Thinking about Regulus and Quidditch reminds James of the way he had dived to snatch the Snitch right out of the air where James could not see it at all, but Regulus clearly had. He remembers the panic he had felt as he watched the boy fall through the air and land harshly against the grass.
He shakes his head of the memory now, not wanting to be distracted. Frank and Bracia work with him perfectly, their teamwork better than it has ever been. It's like they are his arms or his legs, they are his limbs, a part of him. They work together cognitively and make the goals each and every time. The Prewetts are on one today, slashing their bats through the air and hitting the Bludgers away with such powerful force, James is shocked when he doesn't hear their Beater's bats splintering. Skylar is doing a fantastic job at blocking the Quaffle, which helps keep them way up in points against the Hufflepuffs.
It isn't long into the game, maybe half an hour or so, when Edwin McKinnon begins to yell that his brother has spotted the Snitch. A minute later, he is announcing to the entire school that Gryffindor has won, two-hundred points to thirty.
James and Frank are bombarded by their friends as soon as they land. Sirius loops his arms around James' torso and is lifting him off the floor, spinning him around in the air. Alice does the same to Frank, much to everyone's amusement. They share a small, sweet kiss and James laughs at the way Frank visibly melts, staring at only his girlfriend as if forgetting they just won for the first time since joining the team. Remus and Peter invade him next, Peter shoving in beside Sirius to squeeze James, while Remus just ruffles his sweaty hair and then complains about the fact that it is sweaty.
His parents emerge from the crowd, immediately congratulating him and his teammates on the win. Effie kisses his forehead and, unlike Remus, doesn't complain about the thin layer of sweat coating it. Monty pulls him into a hug, lifting him off the ground and spinning him much like Sirius had only moments before. James is so grateful that his parents are who they are. He knows not everyone's parents show up simply to watch their children play Quidditch for the school team, but Effie and Monty show each and every time, and James knows, so long as he asks them to, they always will.
They end up being the last on the pitch and eventually make their way over to the stands. James sits with his parents for a bit, talking through the match and his particular highlights. Frank left about half an hour ago, along with the rest of the players, which means James has to head back to the changing rooms alone. Sirius offers to accompany him after he says a long goodbye to his parents, who say they expect to see him home for Christmas this year. He knows that Remus will be returning to Wales this year for the holiday, so he expects he will most likely be going home for Christmas too.
Remus and Peter walk towards the castle with James' parents, while Sirius and James head off in the direction of the changing rooms. They're whispering about their predictions of what their Animagi's will be if they manage to successfully do it. James is so distracted when they enter the through the doors of the changing room, he doesn't even register there are two people in front of them until he hears a shriek.
James and Sirius whip their heads in the direction of the noise. He gapes at the scene before them. Gideon Prewett is standing in the corner of the room, towering over the much smaller form of Edwin McKinnon. James would think Gideon was threatening the boy before they came in, were it not for the way Gideon's hand are nowhere near his wand, but are in fact cupping the boy's face. Edwin doesn't look any less innocent, as his hands are halfway up Gideon's shirt. They both stand their, frozen with scandalised expressions.
James turns to Sirius, who is smiling at the scene, very unlike someone who just walked in on, what was probably, a very private- very intimate moment.
"Oh, sorry," James mumbles, not able to take his eyes away from where Edwin's hands are. "We didn't mean to... interrupt." He swallows and switches his gaze to their faces, both flushed, both with swollen lips. "I'll just-" James walks over to his bag of clothes, grabbing it and heading back to the exit.
"Hey, James," Sirius says, stopping him. "You're not- this isn't- You aren't going to tell anyone, are you?"
James stares at his friend and then looks over at the elder boys in the room, both still tangled around each other. He hasn't really thought of that before... or well, his brain has on it's own, but James has never let himself think too hard about it. Boys being with other boys. Like that. It's just not... He isn't... It's hard for him to think about, especially because he thinks about it much more often than he would like to.
"Of course not," James replies eventually. He smiles at Gideon and Edwin, who slowly pull apart from one another.
"Cheers, James," Gideon says with a shy smile. James has never seen him look so serious, it's disconcerting. The Prewett boys are always so silly and immature. James sometimes forgets they are people too and not just characters he's made up in his head. "It... it means a lot. That you understand."
James shrugs half-heartedly. "It's just like anyone else, isn't it?"
Sirius grins at him, pride clear in his expression. "Exactly. Right, we'll let you two get right back to it then," he says with a wink, making Gideon laugh and Edwin bury his face in his hands. "Have fun!"
They exit the changing rooms and James feels something inside him shift, like maybe he is finally ready to let his thoughts free from the cage he trapped them in three years ago.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
tad = father (Welsh)
ffycin = fucker (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-the classic face scar is here! sorry, Remus, it was a canon event that had to happen
-Lyall is a Wolfstar shipper
-the Prongsfoot friendship is developing <3
-James being afraid because the boys are lost at night :(
-Regulus with brown hair would be so cute though? It would be weird and wrong, but cute?
-the sweets are the ones in PoA (idk when they were invented, so I did make this part up a bit)
-Horcrux you say, Pete? hmmmm 👀
-sorry again, Remus, for that silver part. he is just not having the best chapter, is he?
-LILY AND JAMES FINALLY SPOKE!! I am so glad they did, it needed to happen. They're so mature for little 12 yr olds
-also, LILY? WHAT DO YOU KNOW, LILY? James likes WHO now? I heard you, girl!
-Animagus plans started!! whoooo finally!
-"Our Moony" *sobs in a corner*
-I have been waiting to introduce Gideon and Edwin for SO. LONG. you have no idea. they have been planned from the very beginning. everyone is gay.
-Sirius being supportive like the king he is 👑IMPORTANT:
So, with the whole Godric Gryffindor's room, I made it up. I headcanon that each of the founders made a secret hidden room at Hogwarts. Salazar has his little chamber of gossip, Rowena has her room of requirement, Godric has a duelling room (argue with the wall), and Helga..... well, I guess you'll have to wait and see :D I did invent this room, as well as the maze!!Thanks for reading. Those end notes were so long omg. See you next weekend!! <3
Chapter 21: Second Year: They Are Beautiful
Summary:
Dorcas turns thirteen.
Sirius yells at Snape.
sort of platonic, verging on not-so-platonic Wolfstar behaviour (I couldn't help myself).
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-thoughts about ripping someone's eyes out (it's valid.)
-mudblood used/discrimination
-seizure
-bullying (not face-to-face)
-mention of a child being attacked in the past/Greyback's attack
Let me know if I missed anything :)Sorry this is a week late! I have been very ill. Anyway, Happy Birthday to James Potter (64) and Happy early Birthday to my bestest friend in the whole multiverse, Makayla. I love you, this one is for you <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Out of suffering have emerged the
strongest souls; the most massive
characters are seared with scars.
~ Kahlil Gibran
Saturday - 11th November, 1972
Regulus
It's been two weeks since Regulus allowed himself to visit the Room of Requirement. Two weeks since he has had a decent night's sleep. When he had been back at Grimmauld Place over the summer, unable to sneak out every single night to the museum, he realised how much he has been relying on the magical room, to the extent that he struggles to sleep if he does not go there first. So, he either stays in his dormitory or, as he does most nights, he journeys up to the Astronomy Tower instead. He watches the stars avidly for hours until he feels his eyelids growing heavy, at which point he returns to his bed.
The sky isn't polluted in the Scottish mountain land here, not as it is in Knightsbridge. The stars are brighter than he has ever seen them, harnessing the sky with their glow and bringing company to the moon. There are times when he arrives at the tower only to discover preoccupied couples. It's always embarrassing even though he is never caught. Those nights, he will return to his dormitory and stare through the dungeon's windows at the lake, wishing he could see those dazzling stars reflecting through the water.
Earlier today, Pandora had insisted Regulus accompany her to Hagrid's, saying after Remus' attack a couple of weeks prior, they never knew how safe anyone could be. Regulus had the keen sense that she was exaggerating only to get him to go with her. Still, he had acquiesced and they had subtly escaped the Great Hall and made their way down to Hagrid's hut. Regulus had continued to visit after his mother's horrid howler the previous year, even after being brutally punished for "bringing shame to the family". His visits hadn't been as often as Pandora's, though she had obviously wanted them to be, but he did still make the effort to go. Especially after Hagrid had sent him a letter one morning at breakfast, a scribbled out apology, which Regulus knew was unnecessary as Hagrid had not done anything wrong. Great, big tear splotches smudged the ink. After that, it hadn't been very difficult to convince himself that seeing Hagrid would be worth any punishments his mother may attempt to aim his way.
Some nights when he can't sleep, Regulus' mind wanders to the day back in first year when Pandora had offered him a sneak peek into what this school year would look like for him. He remembers being disheartened by the mention of hatred being a profound aspect of his second Hogwarts year. So far, he only feels hatred for Sirius Tonks. The boy is always finding him only to provoke him, and this year Regulus has taken to sending painful stinging hexes Tonks' way whenever he happens to hit a nerve, which is rare but it does still happen every now and then.
Pandora had also said his flower for this year - an orange Lily - would represent enthusiasm and energy. Regulus has been rather enthusiastic about the Potions club he joined back in October. The only issue there had been watching as Potter had the audacity to take a seat beside him. Still, Regulus could admit that the boy is proficient when it comes to Potions. As for the energy, the only thing Regulus could say is that the Quidditch practices three times a week are really stressing his physical exertion, or lack thereof if you look at the previous year when he had spent barely any time doing anything remotely physical.
As for Pandora's prediction about her own year, she had chosen a lavender flower, which literally symbolises serenity. Sometimes Regulus wishes he weren't so prideful and high-strung, he would love to see the world the way Pandora does, in all of it's beauty and strings of equal length and spinning colours.
When Pandora had spoken of the creature from the woods that had attacked Remus, there had been an air to her voice that Regulus took to mean she was hiding something. Or, more accurately, she knew something. Likely, something she saw. Thinking back on it now as he stares up at the canopy of his bed, he wonders if Pandora's tone had been one of insinuation. Had Remus not been attacked? Was it a carefully crafted lie? Except, why would he lie? Regulus isn't sure, but there is something very off about how Remus had been fine one day and then returned to classes the next with three claw-mark scars staining his face. No one else had seen the creature or heard him cry out when he was attacked. They only had Madam Pomfrey and Remus' words to go on, so that they did.
After stopping by Hagrid's, Regulus had gone back to his dormitory to get ready for the Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw Quidditch match. They had won by one-hundred and ninety points after Regulus caught the Snitch, which means they are officially in first place, followed by Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and finally Ravenclaw. In a couple of weeks, the Hufflepuffs will be playing against Gryffindor to determine who officially gets second place before the Christmas break rolls around. Then, in January the third and fourth place teams will play and whoever comes out of it the other end with the most points will remain in the game until the end of the year, while the other team will be dropped.
Evan has slowly grown more taut, like a violin string pulled too tight, prepared to snap back at you if you pluck it too harshly. Only when it comes to Quidditch though. Regulus knows how passionately Evan feels about Quidditch and so he doesn't ever snap back when Evan gets overly stressed about an upcoming game. Barty, however, clearly did not get the memo and insists on lashing out if Evan has struck first. Regulus has found himself occupying the common room a lot more this year than he had last year, as the arguments between his two roommates have only increased. It's a bit upsetting, since Barty and Evan are best friends, but it isn't going to change. Evan cannot control his stress and has no way of releasing it other than snapping every so often, while Barty has a personality like gasoline; a small spark and he'll burst into flames. And Evan offers him a house fire each and every time.
Sunday - 12th November, 1972
Regulus' body wakes him up before seven, just as it does every morning. He loathes his body's natural alarm and wishes it would kindly shut off on weekends. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, so he's feeling grouchy when he gets up to go to the bathroom to clean his teeth. Luckily, Evan seems to be in a good mood today, much calmer than he had been the day before. Regulus thinks it's probably because they won the match, so now his friend doesn't have to worry about Quidditch as much for the next month or so. By extension, Barty is in a much calmer mood today too.
They notice Regulus' miserable expression and create a small berth between them and him, giving him some space until he is ready to socialise today. He is grateful for the friends he has, he is sure not many people would understand his aversion to touch and his very limited social battery. Evan and Barty have never had any problems with it though, so Regulus doesn't ever make excuses for himself, knowing they already acknowledge it.
Pandora meets them in the corridor on the way to the hall for breakfast, she's talking about a book that just came out called Muggles Who Notice, saying she is hoping she will get it for Christmas. Regulus highly doubts she will, based on the atrocious things he has heard about their father from Evan. No, Mr Rosier will not be buying his daughter a book about Muggles for Christmas. He wonders briefly if there is any way he could purchase it for her himself without his parents noticing. Perhaps if he is able to visit Diagon Alley with only Narcissa for company again, just as he had in the summer.
"What would you like for your birthday, Dorcas?" Pandora asks. The girls are walking side-by-side with their arms linked between them. Dorcas rolls her eyes and chuckles.
"I don't expect anything, Pandora," she replies honestly. "Though, if you're offering, I would love to see what lies in my future. That is what I want for my birthday."
"Anything specific you want to know?" Pandora grins serenely.
Dorcas thinks for a moment, pouting out her lips in a kiss-like way and squinting her eyes. "Okay, technically it isn't my future, but I am very eager to know." Pandora waves her hand in a gesture that kindly says, Go on. "Will Regulus fall in love one day? And will it be someone we go to school with?"
"Those are two questions, Dorcas," Pandora laughs. Regulus stares at her questioningly, wondering why she would ask such a question. They all know he will be forced to marry some Pureblood girl, someone in the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Regulus goes through the girls in his year and grimaces at the idea of his mother forcing him to marry Alecto Carrow. He thinks he would rather drown himself. Dorcas only shrugs at him and turns back to Pandora. Barty and Evan are leaning closer to the girls now, just as keen to know the answer. Regulus feels a little betrayed.
"Fine," Pandora says finally, "as it is your birthday. Regulus will find love," she nods and smiles brightly at him, her blue eyes twinkling wisely, "and it is someone in the school."
"Is? So, they already go here?" Dorcas is practically bouncing on the balls of her feet with excitement. Regulus hadn't been aware that she was so interested in his dating life. Not that he even has one as of right now. According to Pandora, he will at some point in the future. The idea settles him a bit, knowing that whoever he ends up with, he will love them. Unless he falls in love with one person and is forced to marry another. He brushes that idea away, not liking the way his brain can be so pessimistic sometimes. "Are they in our year?" Dorcas squeals.
"I cannot share that with you," Pandora responds, her voice suddenly very serious. "That is one thing I cannot and will not risk. It is crucial to Regulus' future that it happens, so no more questions."
"Wait," Regulus stops Pandora and Dorcas from walking any further. They're in the Great Hall now, almost at their seats. "You know who it is already?"
"Yes," Pandora nods.
"Who?" Regulus finds himself asking.
"Please, Regulus," Pandora begs and Regulus feels as the guilt floods through him like a violent stream.
"Sorry, I won't ask again," he grumbles and sits at their usual spot at the Slytherin table. He wouldn't admit that this is what he is doing if any of his friends ask, but Regulus' eyes wander around the hall, taking everyone in. None of them stand out particularly. None of them ignite any form of recognition inside of him as he imagines the future love of his life would. Instead, his attention eventually lands on the Gryffindor boys, who have started calling themselves the Marauders.
Tonks and Pettigrew are folded over each other, laughing so hard they look as if they are about to wet themselves. Remus is paying them no mind, instead speaking with Lily Evans, who is sitting between Remus and Potter.
Potter.
Regulus watches as Potter sits the tip of his wand onto the nub of his nose and leans back, balancing the wand in the air. It wobbles a bit, so Potter moves his head, attempting to keep the wand there. When it does ultimately drop off, it hits him directly in the eye, somehow managing to poke him through his glasses. Honestly, he is so stupid.
He rolls his eyes and tunes back into the conversation his friends are having. They are talking about Dorcas' birthday and how they are going to sneak down to the kitchens to get food and then go back to their dormitory and do exactly what they did in March. Barty promises he has more party games and Regulus sighs. When he turns to look at Pandora, he discovers she is already watching him curiously. He has the sudden feeling she has been for a few minutes.
He's got Potions club today, which means he has to face Potter after that terribly embarrassing display during breakfast. Today, they are supposed to be moving onto fifth year Potions. Slughorn had mentioned during their last meeting that they would be starting off with the Wit-Sharpening Potion. He wonders if Slughorn will have them test it on themselves afterwards and if it will truly work on Potter and give him clarity of mind, or if he is so one-dimensional that it just won't work.
Potter is already waiting at their usual table when Regulus arrives. Other students are filing in all around him, some already taking their regular seats. There is no seating plan, but it seems people are comfortable with where they sit anyway so they don't ever bother to move. He sits down beside the waiting Gryffindor, who is spinning his wand between his fingers at an alarming speed. Regulus is afraid it will accidentally let off a spell and hit him directly in the face.
"Stop that, it's dangerous," Regulus snaps and Potter, to his surprise, instantly puts his wand down on the desk. "And don't ever try and balance your wand on your nose again, you'll end up vanishing it away or something."
Potter grimaces, amusement dancing in his eyes. Regulus always thought James' eyes were brown, and they are usually, but with the green-glow of the lake illuminating the room through the windows, he notices that sudden strike of gold in them. They remind him of the golden Snitch. He clears his throat and looks away.
"Someone without a nose," Potter says and shivers dramatically. "Thanks for inducing my nightmares, Regulus."
As soon as Slughorn enters the classroom, he is spelling the method and ingredients onto the blackboard and encourages them to begin. As usual, Regulus goes to the supply cupboard to retrieve the ingredients and Potter collects their cauldron from the back of the classroom. It's a familiar routine they picked up from their forced partnership in Potions class.
Regulus had been right in assuming Slughorn would get them to try their Potions after brewing them. Potter offers to be the guinea pig and Regulus doesn't complain. Better Potter than himself, right? Regulus knows it hasn't failed though, they are both too talented at Potions for a simple potion like this to have been unsuccessful.
Potter lifts a vial of the blue-green liquid to his lips, just before he can swallow any, Regulus yells, "Wait!"
"What is it?"
"Just... don't drink the whole thing. You might burn your brain out," he mumbles, not sure why he is speaking at all. "It's not like I care. I'm just concerned for your brain, it already struggles enough belonging to you. Wouldn't want to overwhelm it."
Potter smirks and downs half of the liquid, leaving the rest to settle untouched in the vial. His shoulders suddenly settle and his leg stops bouncing from where it had been repeatedly doing so for the last twenty minutes under the table. His eyes clear and an expression of understanding makes it's way onto his face. Regulus watches, curiously, as Potter changes minutely before him. The changes may not be obvious to people who are not used to seeing him every day (whether by choice or not), but Regulus, who has known him for over a year now, recognises the way Potter visibly shrinks. Perhaps, clarity of mind isn't meant for everyone. Regulus knows it isn't for him. He distracts himself on purpose, he just hadn't been aware that someone like James Potter would be hiding beneath so many layers. Now, with the distractions gone, he wilts and Regulus... well, he doesn't like it. At all. It's just not right and he wants it to end now please.
"Potter?" He questions. Potter is staring at him with wide eyes, as if Regulus has just dispensed the exact location of the Hogwarts castle to him, which everyone knows is impossible. Still, it is the way he is looking at him, it promptly makes Regulus uncomfortable. "Stop that. Stop looking at me!"
Potter shakes his head, falling out of whatever daze he had just been in. The dose he took had not been big enough to last more than several minutes.
"I have to go," Potter murmurs, scrambling to grab his bag from under the table and accidentally knocking his head when he tries to emerge from beneath. He curses under his breath and then speed walks out of the classroom. Regulus has never understood Potter and his tendency to act strangely at times, but this is on a whole other level. What in Salazar's name just happened?
Thursday - 16th November, 1972
On the evening of Dorcas' thirteenth birthday, the five of them crowd into the boy's dormitory, laden with food that was generously given to them by the house-elves in the kitchen. One of them, Slinky, had even been so kind as to bake Dorcas a birthday cake. She asked for a rainbow one with white icing, and with a snap of Slinky's fingers, the desired cake appeared in the air.
They quickly grow tired of Barty's games, which are all pretty much the same thing just with different names. Pandora pulls out a mat with different coloured dots on it, which she calls Twister, insisting it is her favourite game of all time. Regulus volunteers to be the person who spins the wheel first, so he doesn't have to play. He isn't sure he would want Barty curled up in close proximity to his own body, the very idea makes him uncomfortable. Barty is one of those people who can turn anything into an innuendo.
Evan is the first person out, after getting bumped directly in the face by Barty's behind and scrambling away so quickly, even Regulus is struggling to breathe from laughing so hard. Next is Dorcas, who claims she needs to become more flexible for this game. Barty and Pandora both refuse to give up. Pandora curls around, her limbs not protesting once against the unusual ways in which she twists them. Eventually, Barty collapses on his back when he tries to stand like a crab beneath Pandora's tangled arms and legs.
Regulus is practically shoved onto the mat next, while Evan spins the wheel. It isn't so bad at first, that is until he has Pandora's upside down head under his armpit, Dorcas' leg looped over his torso, and Barty leaning his entire body over Regulus'. At that point, he just gives up and crawls away like a soldier returning home from war, sitting beside Evan until the game is over. It's a fun game and he can see the appeal for those who do not mind touching others, but it isn't for him.
When they hand out their presents, Dorcas tuts and tells them all they are stupid for wasting their money on her. The proclamation is quickly discouraged once she snatches the package in Barty's hands and starts ripping into the paper. Barty had gotten Dorcas a diary that would hide the ink from anyone but her the moment she wrote in it. Evan hands her his gift next, which ends up being a set of new pyjamas - none with Bowtruckles or Kneazles on them. They're light blue silk shorts and a matching night shirt.
Pandora hands over a smaller present than the last two. When Dorcas unravels the tissue paper, Regulus stares down at the thoughtful, hand-made gift. It's a white-gold hoop, connected to it is a glass ball, within the ball there's a claret-red Chrysanthemum. It's frozen, as if kept in ice that can never melt and is not freezing cold to the touch. It was clearly created with Pandora's magic and must have been made with meticulous care over a long period of time.
Dorcas stares at it in awe and asks Pandora why she chose that flower. Pandora explains that the Chrysanthemum is the flower of the November birth month, and the red colour also represents being born in November. Dorcas would deny it if any of them brought it up, but Regulus sees as her eyes shine with small tears. She hugs Pandora as she thanks her and finally moves onto Regulus' present.
The thing is, Regulus hadn't been sure what to get Dorcas. They are completely opposite people. With Evan, he can just get him Quidditch stuff and he'll be over the moon. With Pandora, he could literally give her anything and she would be ecstatic. Barty is a little harder than the twins, but Regulus has him figured out now and knows that Barty likes anything fun that his parents would likely never buy for him. Dorcas, on the other hand, is unexpectedly the hardest to buy for.
In the end, he had settled on what he thought she would want based on her personality and the things she likes, rather than what she may need. So, he purchased a potion that when drunk once a day, will dye her hair for only that day to whatever colour she would like. When consumed twice a day, it would be semi-permanent, lasting for a few weeks. And when drunk three times a day, would be completely permanent.
It's different to hair-colour changing charms, which are always faded like a visage or a tinted glass cover. Hair dyeing potions are much more vibrant and actually manipulate your hair, rather than just what you see.
Regulus is shocked when Dorcas squeezes him into a tight, enthusiastic hug. She runs to the bathroom, Barty following her immediately, and starts measuring out a dose so that she can test it out now. Regulus laughs and nervously scratches the back of his head, he hadn't expected her to like it so much. Honestly, he had been panicking for weeks over what to get her, and it had taken him up until last Friday to find the potion. It was a very last-minute purchase.
When she emerges from the bathroom, her hair is dark purple, blending wonderfully with her dark skin and light brown eyes. It hangs in braids that are fraying a bit, as they have been in for a while now. Dorcas had spoke to him the other day about it, saying she would need to redo them sometime soon.
Evan, Pandora and Regulus all let out loud laughs the moment Barty comes out behind her, hair matching with Dorcas'. He is grinning from ear-to-ear, pleased with his new look and obviously not deterred by his friends laughing. Pandora tells him he looks lovely and he puffs out his chest, the compliment immediately going straight to his head.
The night goes on much like this. They snack on the food that still lingers around them, eventually moving onto the cake. Pandora and Evan set up thirteen candles on it and they gather around to sing Happy Birthday to Dorcas. She takes it in stride and they all pretend they don't see the embarrassed blush on her cheeks. Her eyes shine happily above the candles, glowing like molten bronze. When she blows out the candles, they all cheer and Regulus chuckles as Dorcas dips her finger into the icing, getting a nice big clump before wiping it on Barty's cheek. The boy just shrugs, brushes his face with his fingertips and eats the icing.
The girls stay over, Pandora in Evan's bed and Dorcas in Barty's now that Amycus' old bed has vanished. They go to bed late, not worrying about the fact they have lessons early tomorrow morning.
***
Monday - 20th November, 1972
Sirius
Sirius wakes up on Monday morning, dreading the full week of waking up early and attending lessons. He can't wait for the Christmas holidays, the two weeks of going home and having no responsibilities whatsoever. No homework to worry about, no Slytherins to dampen his mood. Sirius isn't sure when he started thinking of Slytherin house so negatively, after all, his mother had been a Slytherin and she is the best person he knows. The ones in his year, at least, are awful. He supposes Barty isn't so bad, they did work well together in Potions last year, but he is friends with Black, so he isn't perfect either.
The boys get dressed and ready for the day, Sirius groaning at the idea of having History of Magic later. Honestly. Who decides that Monday is the best day to have to sit in Professor Binns' classroom for an entire hour listening to him blandly recall every law against the rights of Centaurs?
When they go down to breakfast, the entire hall is in uproar, students much more lively than they usually are on a Monday morning. Sirius overhears Remus asking Lily what's going on, to which she replies that all lessons have been cancelled today because someone cast a Bat-Bogey Hex over the doorframe of every single classroom, so whoever walks through the threshold and into the class will have bats soaring out of their nostrils.
"Brilliant!" Sirius grins as he sits down at the Gryffindor table. With the new free day they all have, Peter and Remus both decide to go back to bed. Remus because the full moon is tomorrow night, and Peter because that boy could sleep for the whole of England if you gave him a blanket and somewhere to land when he drops. James decides to accompany the girls on a walk around the lake. Sirius is invited, much to Lily's chagrin, but he declines the offer, instead choosing to go to the library. He wants to use this rare day of freedom to get in some more Animagus research.
Today, he focuses on recognising the signs that your Animagus training is working. He discovers that after a while, they will begin to experience two heartbeats inside their chest. It only proceeds after an incantation that they will have to repeat every sunrise and sundown. He writes down the key information, and then makes a few notes surrounding it. Things that may go wrong, side effects (whether good or bad), and how to recognise that they have completed the step correctly.
James finds him a few hours later, frazzled, his hair likely sticking up in all directions. He's been digging his hand into it and pulling at the strands as his right hand aches from writing so much down for hours on end without a break.
"Hey, Sirius," James says, placing his bag down in one of the seats before taking the one opposite Sirius.
"Uh-huh," he mumbles in response. He just has to get this last sentence down... Done. "Hi, James! Did you have a nice morning with the girls?"
"Yeah, we ended up bumping into Hagrid and had tea in his hut," James answers, a smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. "Are you doing," he leans in and drops his voice to a low whisper, "Animagus research?"
"Yep, but I'm done for the day, thank Merlin. Now that you're here, I was thinking we could do some other kind of research."
"What kind?" James leans back, suspicion glinting in his brown eyes.
"Nothing bad," Sirius rolls his eyes, "just prank planning. There is no way we can just let the snakes get away with that ridiculous prank they played on us! Especially Black," he spits the name out, it feels like acid on his tongue.
"Oh, yes," James squeaks. Sirius looks up at him, confused. The other boy clears his throats as his eyes widen, his cheeks growing vaguely pink as the silence ensues. "I mean, we should do another public prank, on the whole school."
"Good idea!" Sirius beams. "Then, we can get the snakes in front of everyone. We can target them specifically like they did us when they managed to get Peeves on their side." He mumbles something about still not understanding how they did that. Peeves is a free-ranged lunatic, impossible to restrain, and yet the Slytherin boys somehow managed to do it.
"So, any ideas?" James asks, pulling at the skin on the back of his hand subconsciously.
"Yes," Sirius grins. He closes the book before him and slides it to the side, leaning forward on his arms to get closer to James. "I've been inspired by my research. Did you know that during the process of becoming an Animagus, you start hearing a second heartbeat inside you."
"Woah," James gasps.
"I know. So, what I'm thinking is what if we can figure out a way to make someone hear something inside their head, like a voice. There has to be a spell for it. We could have everyone hearing the same thing, something stupid like You're in love with Filch, and then for the Slytherins we can make them hear something separate."
James laughs at the idea, when he calms down he agrees that it sounds like a good plan, so they get to searching for a spell. It's James who eventually finds it, though it takes two hours for him to do so. Sirius is officially ready to leave the library, his stomach rumbling from spending the entire day in here. They check the book out, the one with the spell in it, and head back to the dorms to see if they can get Remus and Pete out of bed.
Tuesday - 21st November, 1972
The next day, classes resume and Sirius finds that he doesn't mind as much as he would have if they had to sit in chilly classrooms yesterday. Ever since November hit them, the snowy mountain air has rippled towards the castle, cascading down in wisps of ice, making every classroom feel a bit like an igloo. Some professors are thoughtful enough to cast warming charms, while others force them to bear it. Sirius usually spends most of his time shivering and cosying up to his friends for warmth, especially in Professor Binns' class, who probably wouldn't cast a warming charm even if he was alive enough to be able to manage it.
In DADA, their first lesson of the morning, they are taught the theory behind defending themselves against Cornish Pixies, should they ever encounter any. They are said to bring good luck, even if you would be very unlucky to be cornered by one. They're spiteful creatures, known to cause mischief. Something about them entices Sirius, forces him to forget about the cold air outside the castle walls, compels him to want to go and find one. He thinks they would get along very well, especially if he could harness a few and use them for pranking benefits. The ideas stir around inside his head.
Next, they have History of Magic, which is just as boring as it always is. Sirius wonders if Professor Binns' cause of death was his own bland voice, likely mid-lecture as he explained the goblin rebellion of 1612. He has mastered the art of sleeping with his eyes open, which may not be a good idea when considering the lack of notes he ends up leaving the classroom with, but he knows Remus never denies him when he asks for his notes at the end of every lesson anyway.
At break, they talk about the prank they're hoping to pull on the entire school. They have decided to make it specific to each house, so the Hufflepuffs will hear something different to the Ravenclaws and the Slytherins and the Gryffindors. They have also made a silent agreement to wait until a week after the full moon, so that Remus has recovered completely. It's something they always consider when planning a prank, not wanting their favourite swot to miss out on any of the fun.
After break, they make their way down to the dungeons for Potions. Sirius is glad he got partnered with Peter this year, rather than someone like Snape or Black. He hates that James is forced to work with Black, especially because he has to in his Potions club as well. It isn't fair.
Today, Slughorn gets them to brew a simple healing Potion, one primarily for cuts and abrasions. Sirius is nowhere near as amazing at Potions as James is, but he does understand the key properties, which helps his remain ahead in class. Remus works behind them with Evan Rosier, who remains quiet, only speaking when spoken to first by Remus. It's going well, Peter hasn't accidentally chucked in any ingredients too early today, that is until Sirius overhears Snape. His voice lulls out of him slowly, reminding Sirius a bit of what happens when Remus' records hit the end and it just spins pointlessly around and around leisurely. It's slick and hate-filled, just like the boy it is coming from.
Sirius isn't listening, not really. Not until he hears Remus' name.
His head snaps up instantly, eyes caught on the back of that greasy head of hair. Snape is standing beside Violetta, a Slytherin, while Amycus and Mulciber hang behind her, their Potion abandoned on their table. The four of them are gathered together, heads bent low as Snape continues with whatever it is he is saying.
"It's disgusting," he spits, voice curdled and sour, "just look at his arms." The four Slytherins turn and, for a moment, Sirius thinks they are looking at him, until he realises they are actually looking at something behind him. Someone behind him. Remus.
"What the hell did that?" Mulciber spits, his tone full of disgust so charged that Sirius wants to go over there and rip his eyes out. Anyone who says anything nasty about the way Remus looks doesn't deserve to be able to look at anything ever again.
"Apparently something came out of the Forbidden Forest," Amycus adds, not minding to keep his voice low like Snape does. Sirius imagines it is because he doesn't want Lily to hear him commenting on Remus.
"It's a lie," Snape snaps. "Isn't it obvious? Those scars on his arms are years old, and what sort of creature comes out of the forest that early in the morning just to attack someone? None. If there really was anything, it would have finished a nasty Mudblood like him off."
Sirius ears ring at the sound of that word. Mudblood. Bile rises in his throat. He has never heard it before, and here Snape is tossing it around as if his best friend isn't a Muggleborn. Remus isn't even a Muggleborn, he's a Half-Blood, though Sirius has been informed that some Pureblood families do not care how much Muggle blood you contain; if you have any at all, you are considered worthless. Sirius has never allowed himself to worry about this before, even though he is a Half-Blood himself. It isn't like he has been bullied about it before, so he hasn't let his mind dwell on it. But now, it's Remus someone is talking about. Their Remus. Their Moony.
Snape is a Half-Blood himself, so Sirius has no idea why he is throwing the word about. He wonders briefly if the other Slytherins know their friend is a Half-Blood. He would never say it though, not wanting to lower himself down to the same level as Snivellus.
Still, he can't just sit back and allow a greasy git like Severus bloody Snape to talk about Remus like that. Sirius has never been known to contain his impulses. If he wants to do something, feels the electric urge to, then he will. Right now, he wants to hurt Snape, whether verbally or physically. It really doesn't matter to him in this moment, only that Snape comes out of it the other side injured.
He mumbles to Peter that he will be right back. Peter, who has been sleeping against the table for the last twenty minutes, grumbles a response back. As he stands from his stool, Sirius listens as Violetta whispers, "There's nothing wrong with scars, I quite like a boy with scars." He watches as Mulciber pays rapt attention to this and then glances down at his own arms in disappointment, as if wishing scars would suddenly sprout on them. Snape rolls his eyes along with Amycus.
"What about boys that start having fits on the floor?" Amycus asks, eyebrow raising in a way that leads Sirius to believe he is genuinely interested to know her answer. He assumes Amycus, along with Mulciber, has a crush on Violetta. She is one of the prettier girls in their year, with her long golden-brown hair and green eyes that glow against her olive skin. The only problem is that she's a filthy gossip and she's friends with these prats. She shrugs at Amycus' question, clearly not bothered with answering it.
"Sirius, where are you going?" Remus asks from behind him. Sirius turns around and watches as Remus flinches away from him, he must look volatile right now. He feels a bit like a wild animal who has just caught scent of it's prey only a few feet away. Remus recovers quickly and repeats the question that Sirius has yet to answer. It's the full moon tonight, so he doesn't look so great. His skin is clammy and grey-tinged and he's blinking like it's hurting him to do so. He has noticed that today Rosier has felt more inclined to do the main brunt of the work necessary, which Sirius is sure Remus is grateful for.
"Snivellus," he growls.
Remus immediately tenses, eyes squinting at Sirius. "Don't," he growls back and Sirius can feel himself physically recoil. Remus is asserting his dominance and Sirius, stubborn as he is, isn't going to let him. "Sirius, please. Don't."
"But he's talking about-"
"I know what he's talking about, I can hear every conversation in this bloody room," Remus snaps. Sirius watches as Evan, who was previously paying no mind to them, turns to glance at Remus with confused blue eyes. "Just leave it be, Sirius."
"No," Sirius says, finalising the conversation by turning on his heel and marching over to the Slytherins at the front of the room. When he is standing behind Snape, he clears his throat, not wanting to touch the boy to get his attention. The Slytherin turns and scowls when he finds Sirius standing there, wand brandished in his hand.
"What do you want, Tonks?"
"For you to stop picking on Remus. What has he ever done to you? Nothing. It's Pete and I who don't like you, prattle on about us all you fucking like, but don't you ever say anything about Remus," Sirius hisses low, not wanting to alert Slughorn, who has fallen asleep behind a copy of the Daily Prophet anyway.
Snape snickers in his face, suddenly flanked by Mulciber and Carrow, Violetta is lost somewhere behind them, seemingly unbothered by what's going on. He doubts she isn't listening in though, ready for the drama so she can tell everyone about it for the next couple of weeks.
"Sorry, Tonks," Snape sneers, "I hadn't realised he meant so much to you." Sirius feels himself almost step back at the insinuation. He only glares harder, keeping his footing, refusing to back down against Snape. "There is something very wrong about Lupin and I am going to find out what it is."
Sirius pushes his wand under Snape's chin in a swift movement. Soon after, Mulciber and Carrow's wands are out too, both pointing at Sirius' head.
"One more word, Snivellus. One more and you won't ever have to worry about something dangerous coming out of the forest to come and get you."
"Why? Because Loopy Lupin will get me instead?" Snape laughs and Sirius opens his mouth to hex him when he hears Evan cast a softening charm and then call his name, a franticness to his voice that frightens Sirius. He turns his back on Snape and is faced with the sight of Remus writhing on the floor, Evan still sat on his stool, wand now in his robes. He is staring down at Remus with a blank stare, but it is obvious now to Sirius that he had stopped Remus from smashing his head against the flagstones.
He rushes forward, pulling his robe off as he goes and bundling it up so he can place it under Remus' head. This has happened a few times since the first time, mostly in Potions for some reason. Sirius thinks it may be the overwhelming smells and temperature difference affecting Remus' overly-sensitive senses. James, who Sirius sees running out of the corner of his eyes, rushes out of the classroom, probably to go get Poppy. Sirius remains on the floor beside Remus, trying to cradle his hand and bring him some sort of comfort. Lily is next to him in seconds, asking what she can do to help. Sirius only lifts Remus' other hand and places it in hers, not able to find any words at the moment, his panic too overbearing.
It's not long before James is back, Poppy rushing in behind him with a stretcher already conjured. Remus is lifted onto it and starts floating away in the direction of the hospital wing. Sirius doesn't even wait to ask Slughorn for permission to leave, glancing his way and finding him still asleep beneath his newspaper. How the fuck could he sleep through all of that?
James drags Peter from his chair, who had woken up and was still half-dazed during all of the chaos. Sirius is surprised when Lily follows them, though he almost stops moving completely when she slides her hand into his. He assumes it's because she is worried about Remus and doesn't question her on it, instead just running after Poppy, whose red healer robes are billowing behind her.
When they get to the hospital wing, Poppy orders them to wait outside until she allows them in. For once, Sirius doesn't argue. He walks over to the wall beside the double doors, dragging Lily along with him, and slides down it. He sits down on the marble floor outside the hospital wing, still hand-in-hand with Lily, finding he is getting just as much comfort out of it as she must be because he doesn't want to let go.
He realises only a couple of minutes later that he has been gripping onto her hand too tightly because she gently reaches over with her other hand to unclasp his fingers. She doesn't pull away though, instead holding his hand in both of hers. Peter sits on Sirius' other side and James sits down next to Lily, who lies her head on his shoulder but doesn't once let go of Sirius' hand.
It takes a while for Poppy to emerge from the hospital wing and allow them to come in. They're still in the same position. Lily lets go of his hand when he pulls away to stand, he notices she waited until he pulled away first. It's a small gesture that reminds him of Effie, James' mum. When they arrive beside Remus' bed, they find him unconscious, so they don't stay for very long. Poppy informs them that he likely won't wake up until the following morning, so they should come back tomorrow. Lily and James both thank her as they leave, Sirius remains uncharacteristically silent.
The four of them missed their Charms lesson, which means it's now lunch time. Sirius doesn't feel like being in a hall full of people right now, so he decides to go back to their dormitory instead. James and Peter follow him, feeling the same way. They part from Lily, who left her bag in the Potions classroom and chooses to go back to get it. She squeezes Sirius' shoulder before she departs and he discovers that he likes it. Lily Evans' comfort is lovely. He is too numb right now to really touch on that realisation.
Wednesday - 22nd November, 1972
Remus is released the following evening, not really up to tackling the stares he is bound to get from half of the second years in the Great Hall. So, James and Peter run to the kitchen to grab some food for the four of them to snack on, while Sirius and Remus go up to Gryffindor Tower.
While they wait for the other two, Sirius makes himself comfortable by jumping onto Remus' bed, rumpling the dozen blankets atop of the duvet. Remus huffs and straightens out his blankets.
"What are you doing?"
"Can I ask you something? About the werewolf?" Sirius asks apprehensively.
"Please don't call it that," Remus groans, hiding under the layers on his bed. "Call it anything else."
"Fine, we can refer to him as Moony then," Sirius agrees. When Remus doesn't come out from his hiding place, Sirius joins him, wiggling until he is securely under the covers too, facing Remus. He can't fully make him out from under here, only the slight curve of his jaw that has begun to appear this year, and the static mop of hair on his head.
"What do you want to know?" Remus' voice is small, child-like in the way he sounds innocent. It makes Sirius' toes curl.
"When did it happen?"
Remus is silent for a couple of minutes, but Sirius can tell it's the kind of silence that means he is waiting to speak until he is ready to, not because he won't respond at all.
"I was four," he starts and Sirius has to bite on his bottom lip to stop the shocked gasp that comes crawling up the back of his throat. "It was in February, so I was nearly five. Not that it makes what happened any better."
Sirius swallows what he wants to say, knowing that pity or anger won't make Remus feel better. So, instead, he keeps asking questions he has had ever since he first realised Remus was a werewolf.
"Where did you get bitten?"
"I-" Remus stops and Sirius wishes he could see him. Wishes he could figure out what is happening behind his eyes. Before he knows what is happening, Remus is reaching out for Sirius' wrist and pulling it towards him. Sirius inhales sharply as he comes into contact with what he thinks is the skin that stretches over Remus' right rib. He's wearing a t-shirt, so Sirius can't make out the shape of it very well, but he does feel it.
When Remus removes his hand from around Sirius' wrist, Sirius continues to drag his fingers along the other boy's shirt. He can feel the indentations of teeth, a round sort of shape, a very distinct bite. It's much larger than Sirius had anticipated, each tooth mark deep and silkier than the rest of the skin surrounding it. He can tell by the way the cotton of Remus' shirt slides quicker beneath Sirius' touch whenever he makes contact with a tooth mark.
"Remus," he whispers. He isn't sure what he should say, what he wants to say.
"It was a werewolf called Greyback," Remus says in a gravelly voice and Sirius hopes he isn't crying. He doesn't like it when his friends cry, it hurts him too. "My dad, he used to hate werewolves and other dark creatures, still does. He would openly protest that they are dangerous and do not deserver to-" His voice cracks and Sirius stops moving his hand. "He said they didn't deserve to live normal lives because they weren't normal. Greyback wanted revenge, so he..."
"That's why he bit you?" Sirius mutters.
"Yeah. My dad has always blamed himself for what happened to me," Remus sniffs. "It wasn't his fault, not to me anyway. He was right, werewolves are dangerous, but he's never told me I am dangerous. His guilt ate away at his hatred, now the only thing he hates is himself."
Sirius feels as a tear falls out of his eyes and rolls down the bridge of his nose where he is lying down. He wipes it away with his free hand and then leans in to hug Remus. He wishes he could hug that scared little boy, not yet five, not yet old enough to understand the weight of what has been done to him. He wishes Remus could see that being a werewolf does not define him, that it makes him cooler than he believes he is. If he really wishes for anything, he wishes Remus didn't have to go through pain every single month, only another reminder of the violation he suffered so young.
"Your scars aren't disgusting," he mumbles into Remus' shirt.
"What?"
Sirius pulls back, hoping he is looking Remus dead in the eye. "What Snape said yesterday in Potions. Your scars are not disgusting, Remus," he whispers. "They are beautiful."
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Dorcas is so valid for wanting to know if Regulus will remain a sad sod forever
-drowning>Alecto Carrow (the only right answer)
-Pandora is scary but in a girl boss way
-golden snitch eyes? heehee
-"someone without a nose" ehm 👀
-I wonder what insightful knowledge James gained this chapter.. hmm
-I love the skittles <3
-not Sirius thinking he's a Half-blood 😭😭
-LILY AND SIRIUS FRIENDSHIP! it isn't here yet, but I WANT IT. so it will be someday
-Lyall :(
-"they are beautiful" STOP. IT. I CAN'T WITH YOU LITTLE GAYS <3Bye guys! see you next week x
Chapter 22: Second Year: The Sort of Thing Only Ever Told In Stories
Summary:
-The Marauders pull a payback prank
-Lily goes to Wales
-Christmas Eve party at the Potters'
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention of child's death
-blood/gore
-trauma
-nightmares
-little sexism warning ("beautiful is a girl's word") obviously, it's not but this was the 70s
-internalised homophobia (not extreme, just someone ignoring it)This is a long one! Have fun :D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The evil it spread like a fever ahead
It was night when you died, my firefly
What could I have said to raise you from the dead?
Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?
~ Sufjan Stevens
Saturday - 9th December, 1972
Remus
As December crawls up on the students of Hogwarts, so does the the winter frost. Students wrap up in hats and scarves and gloves, doubling up their cloaks as they wander through the corridors. Frost grows atop of the ivy that wraps around the courtyard's bare window frames, sparkling like green glitter in the sun.
Remus doesn't mind the cold weather, it gives him an excuse to wrap up in his favourite woollen jumpers. The wolf definitely favours the colder months of the year, loathing the scorching heat that summer brings. Sure, he's always shivering when he wakes up naked and alone in the shack the morning after a moon, but he's also much less irritated than he is during the warmer months.
James wakes them up early today. So early, in fact, the sun hasn't even risen yet. Remus looks out the window at the ebony sky, no star in sight as it is always overcast during the Scottish winters. It's still snowing, casting an ivory blanket over the grounds that appears dark blue when reflecting the dark sky. Today, the Gryffindors are playing against the Ravenclaws, it's the last game of the year before students leave to go home for the Christmas break. When Frank and James first made it onto the team, the other three boys swore they would support them at every single game. Remus is sure Sirius is strongly regretting this decision now. Across the room, Frank is poking a growling Sirius, who has shoved his pillow on top of his head and is pressing it against his ears. Peter is up and ready, excited to get an early start. Remus can't say he's too happy about being woken up so early, but he doesn't mind the idea of enjoying the frosty morning weather.
An hour later, they've had breakfast and managed to force Sirius out of bed. They are now sitting in the stands, Lily having cast a warming charm on the seats to remove the layer of snow on the wood. Peter somehow managed to find Benji and has brought him over to join them, he had claimed he would be routing for Ravenclaw, specifically Astro. Sirius sits between Peter and Remus, head pressed into Remus' shoulder. He chuckles at the sound of soft snores and shrugs when Lily raises a curious eyebrow. The movement startles Sirius, he lets out a groan and sits up.
"Shit," he hisses and lifts his hands to wrap them around his arms. "It's bloody freezing."
"Maybe if you'd thought to bring a scarf with you," Lily says primly.
"Shove off, Evans," Sirius retorts, though is interrupted by his own shivering. His nose is painted pink by the cold wind, making him resemble the garden gnomes him mam is obsessed with. "I was dragged here against my will, I didn't have time for something as futile as a scarf."
"Futile? So, you wouldn't want to borrow my spare then?" Lily asks, lifting a second scarf out of her bag. Sirius' eyes jump to it hungrily and Remus almost laughs, knowing Sirius is too proud to admit that Lily is right. Remus just rolls his eyes and takes the scarf from Lily with a thank you, wrapping it around Sirius himself.
"Honestly, you're the smartest kid in the year and you can't even handle a warming charm on yourself?" Remus shakes his head. Sirius, now bundled in Lily's red and gold Gryffindor scarf, opens his mouth to reply, but thinks better of it. He waves his wand through the air, whispering what Remus assumes is the incantation for a warming charm. A second later, a bubble of heat wraps around them and Remus mourns the winter chill.
When the teams start spilling out onto the pitch, Alice jumps forward and leans against the railings, cheering Frank's name. Sirius barks a laugh and then gets up to do the same, yelling both James and Frank's names.
Remus doesn't pay much attention to the game. He tries, for James' benefit, knowing it makes him happy when his friends recount their favourite moments of the game. Quidditch just isn't his thing, nor is it Lily's, so Remus never understands why she comes to every single game. He wonders if it has something to do with her peculiar interest in James. Before he knows it, Edwin is announcing that the Snitch has been caught by Darius. Gryffindors all around him leap to their feet and cheer loudly. Lily whispers to him that they are now in second place with only Slytherin exceeding their point score so far.
Remus whoops along with the rest of his house, mainly cheering for James and Frank rather than the actual win. Still, he lets Sirius grab his shoulder as he jumps up and down, and he doesn't stop Peter and Alice from wrapping their arms around him in excitement.
Wednesday - 13th December, 1972
The four boys have been in and out of the library for the last three weeks, trying to figure out the logistics of the prank Sirius and James came up with. A week ago, they figured out how to successfully cast the spell, but they have been stuck on what they are going to make everyone hear. They have settled on Sirius' suggestion of You're in love with Filch for the Hufflepuffs and Remus' idea of I am your conscience; you will answer my commands for the Ravenclaws. He came up with the idea when Lily brought up the movie Pinocchio. James had been the inspiration behind what they settled on for the Slytherins. After a lesson where Amycus Carrow had been acting particularly nasty to Peter, James had loudly announced that he had his knickers in a twist. So, the Slytherins are going to hear Your knickers are in a twist.
They decided that they would have to include the Gryffindors in the prank, so to avoid suspicion from any professors. Peter suggested I know your deepest secret, as it's still spooky enough to startle them, but not as ridiculous as the others.
Sirius had been adamant on the fact that they had to target Regulus and "his posse" (Sirius' words) specifically. Remus only agreed so long as they made Dorcas' friendly, Peter had countered this by saying Pandora was technically a Ravenclaw, so they should keep hers the same as the rest of her house's.
James and Remus let Peter and Sirius decide on what Regulus, Barty, Evan and Dorcas would be hearing, not wanting to know. On the morning of the prank, suspicion hits Remus like a tidal wave and James seems to be in the same boat as him. They cave and ask the other two boys what they ended up settling on for the group of Slytherins.
"As we promised, we kept Dorcas' friendly," Sirius begins. "I can't remember what specific words we chose, but they were something along the lines of You look spectacular today."
"Yeah," Peter nods, chewing on a bit of honey-covered toast. "Rosier's is Slytherin are going to lose the Quidditch Cup, because he's obsessed with Quidditch."
"That's right," James agrees. "You should hear him in the changing rooms, he's almost as crazy as Frank and I am."
"Exactly," Sirius says. "Crouch's was the hardest to come up with, so we just decided on the classic I'm watching you."
Peter snorts and takes another bite of his toast. James opens his mouth as if to talk and then closes it a moment later. Remus nudges him gently with his elbow, urging him to speak. He swallows and taps his fingers against the table's surface a couple of times before gaining the courage to ask, "So, what about Black?" He winces as soon as he's voiced the question and Remus can't help but grow nervous too at the prospect of Sirius coming up with something horrible. Remus doesn't believe Sirius could be cruel, but he also didn't believe Sirius to be capable of hatred, and he does hate Regulus Black.
Sirius chuckles under his breath, a sharp smirk upturning his lips. "It's the best one by far."
"Amazing," Peter adds.
"Brilliant."
"Wonderful."
"What is it?" Remus presses.
"The perfect thing for Black," Sirius leans in closer and James and Remus can't help but be magnetised towards him. "A high-pitched ringing."
"That's it?" James questions, turning to look at Remus who is just as confused.
"That's it ?" Sirius scoffs. "Black gets so pissed off whenever we push him too far and I don't know about you lot, but I can't handle loud, unrelenting noises. They're fucking annoying. So, it's perfect, he's going to be so angry."
"Actually," James says pensively, "that is quite brilliant."
"Thank you," Sirius preens, finally tucking into his breakfast.
"So, the spell's cast then?" Remus asks and Sirius nods. "Why can't I hear anything?"
"Well, we weren't going to prank ourselves again, were we? Especially, when the the last time we did that, you didn't speak for an entire day, Moony."
"It will be obvious that we were the ones who did it," James says.
"No, we can just pretend that we hear the voice, no one will know," Sirius replies confidently. "Come on, I want to get to Charms and see if Xeno's had a visit from his conscience yet." He laughs as they all stand from their seats, Peter chuckling alongside him.
The first sign that their prank is successful is the way the Slytherin boys glare at them when they pass in the corridor. Luckily, they don't confront them, Remus knows Sirius would provoke Regulus and a brawl would start in the middle of the corridor.
Xenophilius finds them in Charms and sits himself down in the chair next to Sirius. At first, he makes no indication that there's a voice going off incessantly in his head. As they're packing away their things to leave the classroom, he leans closer to the four boys and whispers, "So, my conscience, what are your commands?"
Sirius grins and grips onto Xenophilius' arm tightly, shaking it excitedly. "Oh, Merlin, it worked!"
"Yes, it did," Xenophilius smiles back. "I must say, it is very creative. Are you sure you weren't supposed to be in Ravenclaw, Sirius?"
"The sorting hat deemed me too reckless to be a Ravenclaw," Sirius answers with a shrug. "Never said I wasn't smart enough though." He smirks as he shrugs his bag over his shoulder. Xenophilius laughs at his friend and shakes his head, muttering, "Your arrogance will never cease to amaze me. Though, I will admit it isn't misapplied in this sense. You are very clever, Sirius."
"Why, thank you, Xeno," Sirius responds, hand clutching his chest dramatically. Remus rolls his eyes and tunes the boys out. After break, they have Transfiguration with the Slytherins. Sirius practically drags them out of their seats and runs to the Transfiguration classroom, which is still empty this early. They wait outside, Peter and Remus still eating their food that they were not allowed to finish before Sirius had pulled them from their seats. When McGonagall does eventually turn up, she permits them to enter and they take their usual seats.
Remus is relieved he'll be sitting next to James for the next hour, rather than a restless Sirius, who will without a doubt be staring at the back of Regulus' head for the next hour, hoping to find a sign that the prank is affecting him.
It turns out, he doesn't have to wait long. As soon as the door opens again to allow more students in, a figure leers over James and Remus' shared table, and they're met with light-grey eyes. Dorcas follows after them, beaming with a hint of amusement in her expression. Remus thinks this is because of the likely much preferred message swirling around and around inside her head than what her friends are receiving.
"What have you done?" Regulus growls down at them, his hands flat on their desk as he leans over them both. Remus hears James gasp and slide back in his chair, almost tumbling over, only managing to stay balanced when Regulus grips onto his tie and pulls him forward so the two boys are nose-to-nose. "Need I repeat myself, Potter? What - have - you - done ?"
Remus watches as James' face goes red and wonders how tightly Regulus is pulling his tie against his neck. Hopefully not so much that he's repressing James' breathing. The Slytherin glares at James, completely ignoring Remus who hasn't said anything yet, waiting to see if Regulus will loosen his grip on his friend first. Dorcas only stands idly by, leaning against their shared table in front, arms crossed against her chest as she watches the scene with a small smile on her face. Remus sometimes forgets she's a Slytherin.
James, who had been speechless up until now, blinks in surprise and then smiles innocently. "I'm not sure I know what you mean, Regulus. What's wrong with you?"
Regulus lets out a low grumbling sound, something from deep in his throat. His eyes remain on James for a moment more before he's letting go of his tie and simultaneously shoving him back. This time, James manages to catch himself on the edge of the table before he falls over backwards. He smiles up at the boy before them and says, "You know, I can help if there's-"
"I know it was you," Regulus interrupts him harshly. "It was one of your idiots. Turn it off. For fuck's sake, turn it off. "
Dorcas' smile falls at the sound of her friend's chagrin, she finally joins them, turning to Remus. "If you can stop it, please do it now. You shouldn't play pranks that can get inside people's heads. It's the most dangerous and the most fragile part of a person, it isn't right."
Remus falters, not sure what to say in response to that. He hadn't really thought about the consequences of the prank, he never does whenever they prank the Slytherins or when they prank the entire school. In hindsight, it seems like a rather ludicrous oversight on his end, but then again the Slytherin boys had almost let his friends be eaten by their own furniture, so he can't really find it within himself to feel too sympathetic about the outcome of this prank.
With a nonchalant shrug, Remus slouches back in his chair, attempting to give off an air of cluelessness. "Not sure what you're talking about, Dork," he replies seriously, bringing back the nickname he invented for her at the beginning of first year. She still calls him Moo to this day, even after his reluctance at accepting the name. "Us four can hear the same thing as all the other Gryffindors. We're not sure what started it, probably just someone playing a prank."
"Usually, I would believe you, Moo," she says, coming closer to the table. Dorcas narrows her eyes at him, smirk still in place. "Except, us, Evan and Barty are all hearing different things. Just us. You lot are the only ones who have a grudge with Regulus and the boys, so forgive me if I find that little piece of information a bit suspicious."
"I'm sorry, Dorcas," Remus leans forward on his elbows, bringing them closer. "It wasn't us." With that, she huffs and pulls away, Regulus follows her and they both sit down at the table in front. Remus turns in James' direction, only to be hit in the face by a paper crane. He unfolds it and finds Sirius' neat penmanship.
Nice one, Moony.
He grins and sends a thumbs up Sirius and Peter's way before settling back in his seat and waiting for class to begin.
Friday - 15th December, 1972
Remus is enjoying a bacon sarnie for lunch, relishing in the way the ketchup and butter mix perfectly together in his mouth. Sirius and Peter are sat opposite him and James, each of them talking about their Christmas plans. He's just finishing up his sandwich when Lily sits down beside him on the bench and grumbles something to herself before resting her head on Remus' shoulder. He chuckles and lifts an arm to wrap it around her. She's been sitting with them a lot more as of recent, much to Sirius and Peter's surprise. It's clear Lily isn't fond of Sirius and she only tolerates Peter because he's friends with James and Remus.
"Does anyone want to adopt me?" She asks the group, a hint of amusement in her voice, but Remus mainly takes notice of the small sniffle she lets out. Not so loud that any regular person could hear it.
"What's up, Lils?" James questions, bending around Remus to get a better view of the girl. At the same time, Sirius offers her the spare bedroom in his house jokingly, but she ignores him, instead making eye contact with James and pouting.
"My sister has just been really horrible recently in the letters my mother makes her send to me," she sighs and tucks herself in closer to Remus. "I just wish I didn't have to go home for Christmas."
"You could always stay at Hogwarts," James suggests. "We did last year, it wasn't so bad. The castle is beautiful at Christmastime."
Lily smiles softly at him but it quickly turns into a small frown. "I would but I don't know anyone who is staying, except maybe Azalia, and I wouldn't want to be alone for Christmas."
"Do you want to come to my house for Christmas?" Remus asks before he can stop himself. His dad had made the suggestion that he invite a friend around their house for Christmas ages ago. The only issue had been that the boys' families wanted them to go home this year for the holiday, since they had stayed last year. Remus hadn't even thought about asking anyone else. Not until now.
Lily's head pops up, her green eyes full of hope and staring adamantly into Remus'. "Are you joking?"
"No, of course not. My tad said I should bring someone for Christmas this year," he answers with a sheepish smile.
"You're being serious? Oh, Remus, that would be-" Lily pushes forward once again, pulling Remus into a rib-breaking hug. In the background, he can hear Sirius saying something about how Remus can't be serious because he's Sirius. When Lily eventually loosens her grip on him, she adds, "I love you, you're amazing."
The three boys around him all make faces, each insinuating something that Remus would deny if he could speak, but Lily is squeezing him once again. Instead, he shakes his head and hugs her back, whispering a quiet, "Uh, love you too, Lils."
"I should go and write to my mum," Lily is saying a few minutes later as she removes herself from the table and skips out of the hall. Remus is just glad he's made her happy, he knows he's lifted a weight from off her chest.
Tuesday - 19th December, 1972
Tomorrow is their last day of lessons and also happens to be the night of this month's full moon. The anticipation for Christmas has been much more extravagant this year. Even Peeves went all out for the last week of lessons, dressing up with tinsel around his neck and bells on his slippers. The only issue is, he's been trapping students under charmed mistletoe whenever he can. Luckily, Remus hasn't been caught under it as of yet, but just yesterday Marlene and Sirius had been cornered and trapped. Sirius had laughed it off and pressed a long, drawn-out kiss on Marlene's cheek, making the girl blush redder than Peeves' Christmas jumper.
Remus had sent a letter home last week, double-checking with his parents that it would be okay for Lily to stay at their house over Christmas. His mam had sent a letter in response explaining how it was a lovely idea and she would love to meet one of Remus' new friends. It only occurred to him then that Lily would be the first of his Hogwarts friends to actually visit his home.
On the final night before the full moon, Remus pulls James into the bathroom for one of their chats, knowing that this time of year is particularly difficult for his friend. They sit in the empty bathtub, Remus at one end and James at the other. The showerhead above Remus keeps releasing small drops of water that land on his shoulder, startling him each time, much to James' amusement.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay in your house? You know, you could always come to mine, I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind one more."
"No, that's okay," James says, fingers tracing the outline of the tiles on the wall. His eyes follow the movement as he speaks. "I promised mum that I would come home for Christmas and I miss my parents. I know I would regret it if I didn't go. Besides, I can't be afraid of some trees forever, right?" He huffs a small laugh but Remus knows it's only for his benefit. Still, he worries about James. It's honestly haunting what happened to James at such a young age, and to know that he has to live right in front of such a traumatic event makes Remus' skin crawl. Sometimes, he wishes he could demand James' parents to move house, for the benefit of their son's sanity, but he knows he can't do that. He wouldn't anyway.
"Fine," Remus smiles, "but I want you to owl me twice a week, okay?"
James laughs again and this time Remus can tell it's real. "Okay, I promise."
"Good," Remus says.
"You know, my parents used to throw a Christmas party every year and loads of old witches and wizards would come over to celebrate on Christmas Eve. I was never allowed to go since I was only a child at the time. They haven't thrown one for years, not since..." James falters, his brown eyes dim a little and Remus wants to reach forward. He doesn't get the chance to before James is continuing. "Not since Harry," he says it like it's taken him a great effort to get the name out, it probably has. "I hope they throw one this year, then maybe I can be a part of it and I could invite everyone. You, Sirius, Pete, Frank, Alice and the girls, plus everyone's parents. Then, they could all meet."
"I've never been to a Wizarding World party before," Remus hums. "It would be fun to see everyone outside of school."
"Yeah, I think I'll ask my parents," James nods. "I'll let you know as soon as I can if it's happening. I hope it does, then I can show you my house." He perks up, excitement shining in his eyes. Remus is glad the dimness that had grown there at the mention of Harry has gone now. He hates to see James upset, it reminds Remus of those few months in first year when James would avoid them at all costs, too afraid to get close to anyone, since the last time he had it hadn't ended so well.
It sounds like a great idea to Remus, who knows a party will definitely help to keep James' mind off the past. He only hopes the Potters don't think to invite the Blacks, who are one of the most prestigious Pureblood families in wizarding society and would likely attend an event like this. It would only do to ruin the evening if Sirius and Regulus were put in the same house. Especially after the prank they pulled last week. Regulus had ended up missing lunch and the rest of that day's lessons after having failed at getting the Marauders to remove the spell. It had only made Regulus' hatred for the Gryffindor boys grow, even extending to Remus when it hadn't before.
Thursday - 21st December, 1972
Remus wakes up in the hospital wing to Sirius and Lily sitting at his bedside, both completely ignoring the other. Sirius jumps up onto the bed as soon as Remus shows signs of consciousness, just as he always does. He asks Remus how he's feeling, sending him a significant look that Remus knows translates to How was the moon?
"I'm fine, not as bad as last time," he answers honestly. Poppy must have fed him his usual potions before he woke this time, knowing he would have to catch the train back to London soon and wouldn't have time to attempt a fast recovery if he waited to take the potions himself when he finally came to. He stretches, which is his subtle way of checking if he's suffered any substantial damage. Luckily, he's managed to avoid it this month and actually feels much more energetic than he potentially should.
He gets changed behind the curtains after Lily and Sirius have left him for some privacy. Sirius must have dragged his trunk all the way down from Gryffindor Tower, he finds it sitting at the toe-end of the hospital bed. Once he's ready to go, and has gotten a quick check-over by Poppy, he finds Sirius and Lily still waiting for him and follows them out of the hospital wing towards the entrance of the castle. There, they meet James, Peter and the others, all waiting patiently for them. Together, they all start the walk to the station. Lily is careful when she slips her arm through Remus' with a small smile.
Lily and Remus meet his tad on Platform 9 3/4 after saying a long goodbye to their friends. He smiles at them both but doesn't send Remus any cheeky looks, thank goodness. They take the floo back to Wales, not feeling up to a long car journey. Lily has never experienced apparition before, so Lyall suggests they do not risk her getting sick from it.
As soon as they fall through the other end, Remus has to catch Lily before she trips over the grate on the floor. She thanks him before righting herself and taking his offered hand as she steps out of the fireplace. Remus sets their bags to the side and then returns his attention to Lily, who is taking in the room around them. It's the living room, so it's small and homey, nothing special but still one of Remus' favourite places to be. Remus is about to offer up a tour or maybe a glass of water but is interrupted by his mam calling out his name. He turns in the direction of the stairs and watches as Hope comes rushing down, hair damp and creating a wet patch on the back of her blouse.
Remus grins and steps forward just as his mam collides with him, squeezing him into a warm hug. He ignores the way her wet hair tickles his cheeks and allows himself to embrace the happy swell of his chest at the knowledge that he's back home again. A moment later, they are pulling apart. She places a firm kiss on his forehead and then rests their heads together for a second before she moves out of Remus' reach and goes over to introduce herself to Lily.
Remus laughs at the baffled expression on Lily's face when his mam scoops her up into a big hug too. Lyall comes up beside Remus and ruffles his hair before quietly asking him how the night before went, luckily Lily is distracted by Remus' mam, who is now asking her if she's hungry. Remus explains how he'd woken up feeling energetic, rather than exhausted. His tad smiles and pulls him into a side-hug, not having been given the proper chance to before now.
Less than an hour later, the four of them sit down for dinner. His parents ask Lily questions about school, thoughtful to include Remus and not overwhelm Lily by putting her on the spot the entire time. Lily is very polite, just as she always has been, and assures Remus' parents that he has been behaving as well as you would expect a teenage boy to behave. He's only glad she doesn't mention her distaste for Sirius, knowing his mam has a soft spot for the boy, as does his tad.
After dinner, Remus takes Lily on a small tour of the house. Unfortunately, due to their lack of money, there's not a spare room, so Remus has given Lily his bed and will be bunking on an air mattress on the floor. When she offers to take the bed on the ground, he immediately shuts her down at tells her to stop being silly. Lily is particularly excited about the stables. Remus takes her to meet the four horses they have: Pippa, Lolly, Carpet and Sprinkles. Much to his surprise, Lily doesn't cower or flinch away from the horses, instead holding her palm out to Pippa, allowing her to sniff her hand. Then, she smiles and brings up her second hand to gently run it down Pippa's long nose.
"You're a natural," Remus grins, coming up to Pippa's other side and carefully brushing his fingers through her main and along her back. "This is Pippa, she's my tad's favourite. Mine's Carpet, she's over there." He points to the stall behind Lily's shoulder.
"You called your horse Carpet?" She chuckles.
"I was three," he defends with a small laugh. "I named them all. There's Pippa, Carpet, Sprinkles and Lolly."
"I'm sensing a theme," Lily laughs. "Do you know how to ride then?"
"Yeah," Remus admits. He doesn't tend to talk about the things he gets up to at home to his Hogwarts friends, just like he doesn't tell his friends back home anything about his life at Hogwarts. He knows there's a big difference there because he technically isn't allowed to tell his Muggle friends anything about the magical world. He finds it easier to keep the two worlds completely apart, rather than only having to hide the magical from the Muggle. "I could teach you if you want."
"I've always wanted to learn," Lily smiles, still stroking down Pippa's face. "What else do you do when you aren't at Hogwarts pranking the whole castle with your posse?"
"We're not a posse," Remus rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "I sometimes help my tad with the crops because we own a small farm. My mam owns the bakery down the road, so I usually spend some time keeping her company on the days where it isn't very busy. I also... have some friends."
"Really?" Lily lights up.
"There's no need to sound so surprised," he pretends to be offended but Lily ignores this.
"Can I meet them?" She asks, her green eyes glimmering with eagerness.
"I don't see why not," Remus replies. Then, he carefully adds, "They don't know about magic or anything like that. They're all Muggles."
"I assumed as much," Lily says, finally stepping away from Pippa. "Remember, Remus, I also grew up in the Muggle world. I'm used to having to keep half of my life a secret. Don't worry, I won't mention it."
"Thank you," he sighs with relief. Lily smiles kindly and reaches forward to hug him.
Friday - 22nd December, 1972
The next morning, Lily and Remus are eating breakfast when there's a loud knock at the front door. Remus offers to get it since his mother had been standing up for the last half an hour cooking them a full English breakfast and his tad is at work, he wouldn't expect Lily to get up and answer the door.
He assumes it's the post person, so he almost yells when someone shoves into him hard enough to make him fall backwards onto the floor. Looking up, he finds a bundle of blonde hair in his face and laughs.
"Hi Marie," he grins and finally brings his arms around the girl atop of him.
"Good to see you, Remus," Felix says from somewhere above them. Remus blows the blonde strands of hair out of his face and attempts to get up, only for the girl against him to whine. He huffs and sits up, Marie goes with him, not once loosening her grip around his torso. He glances up, noticing Felix standing just inside the house, staring down at the two of them with an amused smirk. Cara is leaning up against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest, her left eyebrow raised in question.
"Hello," Remus says shyly. "Marie. You should probably-"
Marie doesn't let him finish his sentence before she's standing up and reaching out her hand for him. She's wearing a red, long-sleeved dress, with a blue denim jacket over it. Remus doesn't think her outfit is very weather appropriate, even if she is wearing white tights. She must be freezing. He takes her hands and stands, only to be squeezed again.
Felix steps around them both and pats Remus on the shoulder. Cara follows him, but instead of patting Remus on the shoulder like Remus had, she kicks at his feet. He kicks back, disturbing Marie who grumbles against his shoulder. Still, he and Cara keep kicking at each other's feet until she hits his shin and he lets out a low cry. She grins triumphantly and then presses a kiss into his cheek, "It's good to have you back, Lupin."
"Remus?" A voice calls from behind him. He jumps, having forgotten where he was for a moment with Marie holding him so tightly and Cara damaging his shin. Lily's here. And he had forgotten.
"Oh," he says quietly. Marie relinquishes her grip on Remus and looks around him, her eyes settling on Lily. Remus turns to his friend and smiles awkwardly. "Lily! Guys, this is Lily, she's from my... boarding school. Lily, this is Felix, Cara, and this is Marie."
Lily walks forward slowly and beams at the three new people amongst them. "Hello, it's nice to meet you. Remus has... uh, told me a lot about you." It's a lie, he hadn't even mentioned them until last night, but he's grateful she doesn't admit that.
"It's nice to meet you too, Lily," Felix greets her politely. Lily smiles, clearly relieved that she isn't being shunned or something. Cara offers her a friendly smile and nod, which is a lot coming from her. She isn't really the sociable type. When Lily finally turns to Marie, who is still standing beside Remus, her smile dims slightly before brightening again.
Remus looks down at Marie, only to discover a scowl on her face. He isn't sure he's ever seen her look so annoyed. Not unless you count the times kids had picked on Remus for his fits in school.
"Marie?" Remus asks, giving her a gentle nudge. "This is Lily, my friend."
Marie shakes her head and forces a smile that Remus knows to be fake. "Hi Lily, it's great to meet one of Remus' friends. As he said, I'm Marie." Her voice is sweet, not in a sugary-sweet sort of way, but in a way that feels like it's trying to cover something poisonous by making it look pretty.
They stand there bunglingly for a while until Remus clears his throat and asks if they all want to hang out. Marie is the first to answer, suggesting they go over to her house because it's too cold to go outside. They all swiftly agree. Remus and Lily bundle themselves up in their coats, hats, scarves and gloves. Remus helps Lily with her scarf, trying not to trap her ginger hair beneath the material. It's already gone all static from the hat she's wearing.
Marie is the first out of the house, she's joined by Felix who has to run to catch up with her. Remus says goodbye to his mam, assuring her they won't be gone for too long. He hates to leave her alone, especially after only having arrived back home the day before. Cara sticks back with Remus and Lily. She starts up a conversation with Lily about school, mainly asking about their other friends. Lily describes Sirius to Cara, who snorts before stating that he sounds a lot like Marie. Once Lily's gone through their list of friends, Cara nods and turns to Remus.
"You go off to some posh boarding school and suddenly become popular."
Remus shrugs and smiles sarcastically. "What can I say, Cara? I am a delight to be around."
"Right," Cara snorts.
"Don't lie, you've missed me," he nudges her with his elbow and expects the violent shove he gets in return. Lily gasps but Remus only laughs.
"Well, since you're the only person around here who can take a good shove and come out the other side smiling, I would have to say it's pretty shit when you're gone, Remus." Her face falls into something serious and then she adds, "But it doesn't mean I missed you."
"Of course not," Remus agrees and shakes his head consequentially. Cara just rolls her eyes, her gaze settling on the two people a few meters before them. "Hey, uh, what's up with Marie? Is she mad again because I left?"
Cara stares up at him, a look of disbelief contorting her features. "You're so oblivious." She tuts and turns back to Lily. Remus isn't sure what she means, what he could be oblivious about.
When they get to Marie's house, they all head straight up to her bedroom. Marie pulls Cara and Lily away, something about wanting to show them the new hair curlers she got as an early Christmas present. She offers to curl Lily's hair, to which Lily agrees, Cara only looks mildly concerned. Remus doesn't know why. Perhaps, Marie isn't very good at curling hair just yet. Fuck it if he knows.
He and Felix settle on the large double bed in the corner of the room, both lying on their backs. Remus is still a bit sore from the moon two nights before, so he sighs like an old man when his back hits the soft mattress.
"Is Marie pissed at me?" He asks, knowing Felix won't walk around the answer like Cara had.
"Well," Felix says, glancing in the direction of the girls before turning back to Remus. "You did bring a girl home, so it's understandable."
Remus blinks, more confused than ever. "What?"
Felix looks like he wants to laugh but then notices the stress in Remus' demeanour and stops himself. "Is Lily your girlfriend?"
"No! Have you been talking to my tad?" Remus shrieks.
"No," Felix breaks and starts laughing at the pure panic in Remus' eyes. "Do you like Lily... you know, like that ?"
"No," Remus rolls his eyes. "She's just a friend."
"Okay, well Marie thinks you fancy her," Felix shrugs.
"Well, I don't. Even if I did, why would she care?"
Felix raises an eyebrow that significantly resembles Cara. "You're joking, right?" When Remus shakes his head, showing no indication that he is being serious, Felix's eyebrows bend in confusion. "Are you blind?"
"Stop answering my questions with questions, I'm losing track of the conversation," Remus complains.
"Okay, sorry," Felix looks over at the girls once more and then stares Remus dead in the eye. "Marie fancies you."
Remus actually laughs. Because what? That just isn't true. She's... Well, she's Marie, for one thing. Marie, who has had a crush on Felix for years. Who has been in love with Felix for years, not Remus. Marie, who is the prettiest girl in their town. Marie, who is Remus' best friend in Wales. Marie, she's Marie.
"Funny," Remus mutters, sitting up and looking to the side only to find the box on her bookshelf full of the letters he's sent her over the past few months.
"I'm not joking," Felix responds, not an ounce of humour in his voice. "She's liked you for ages."
"No, she hasn't," Remus turns back to Felix. He refuses to believe this, Felix is pranking him. He has to be. Except... he isn't Sirius or Peter or James. He's Felix. He wouldn't joke about a thing like this.
"Remus, you're the smartest person I know, but you're being very stupid right now," Felix says. "Just look at her, right now. Look at Marie."
He does. Remus' eyes settle on the girls. Lily is sat on the stool opposite the vanity, Cara is stood behind her, curling her hair. Marie is leant against the window sill, glaring at Lily and pulling on the strands of her own hair. Then, she glances up at Remus, eyes sad.
Oh, shit.
***
Saturday - 23rd December, 1972
James
He could hear the current of voices, so overwhelming where it had been eerily silent before. James had been in his mother's arms for the last few hours, falling in and out of consciousness. The only sleep he had managed to get was fitful, like a part of his mind was running on adrenaline, ready to go off running somewhere. His body was protesting sleep. So, when the voices begun, he'd jumped up and out of his mother's arms instantly, ignoring her calls and completely forgetting the other fearful woman in the room.
They must have found him, James could finally apologise. He would probably be scared out of his mind, having spent the entire night alone in the middle of the woods. At the sound of his dad speaking, James' slow jog had turned into a full-on sprint. They wouldn't have returned without Harry, they must have found him.
James had never come to an abrupt halt straight in the middle of running so fast. It had felt impossible to his young body, who had only ever slowed before stopping. But now, he ran and he stopped. He froze. He felt as a rope grasped around his mind, pulling him back, trying to chuck him away from what he was looking at. The plain panic he felt at such a sudden movement reminded him of the one time he fell of his broom when he was five. An all-consuming fear that he would hit the ground and injure himself. His father had been the one to protect him then, to catch him with a levitating spell before he landed.
His father was the one to hold him now too. Because James was dropping again. He was falling, falling, falling and didn't think he would ever stop. The ground was gone and had taken his ability to stand with it. He fell and someone caught him. His dad. He could tell by the way he smelled like the wet forest floor and citrusy potion ingredients. But he couldn't see his dad, all he could see was Harry.
They had found Harry. Only... Harry had never looked like that before. Had his stare always been so empty? Had his body always been drenched in blood? Had that deep incision always cut through his torso like a twisted sash of crimson?
His mind didn't process what was it front of him, it couldn't. He had been too young, much too young to even comprehend. It was the sort of story books parents would keep on the highest shelf where kids could not reach them. The sort of story you wouldn't read about until you were a teenager, trying to prove to your friends that you could read that sort of thing without getting nightmares. The sort of thing only ever told in stories, perhaps less descriptive than the actual thing. Not the sort of thing that you ever experienced in real life.
It had taken three days for James to understand what had happened to Harry. He had thrown up all over his clothes that day, the same clothes he had been wearing that evening in the woods because he refused to change. He refused to allow anyone to touch him. He was like a ghost, floating aimlessly without truly existing in this plane of life.
It had taken another week before he ate anything and that was only because he had fainted from lack of food. Mollie had force-fed him when he came to, he hadn't fought her though.
It had taken twelve days for him to get a proper night of sleep, for his mind to settle enough for him to drift off. But he only saw Harry. His dreams were plagued by empty eyes, blood-stained clothes and slashed bodies. When he'd woken up, his parents were lying in his bed, one either side, coaxing him to go back to sleep.
Over the years the nightmares hadn't disappeared, but they became more scarce. Not every night, then once a week, until he went to Hogwarts. Sharing his bedroom with four other boys, having a candle lit thanks to Remus' kindness, helped him relax. Helped him feel safe. Now, he only ever dreamt of Harry a couple of times a month. He could live with that. If anything, it was a comfort, seeing him again. If the nightmares ever stopped, he would be forever expecting them to return, and that suspense would surely destroy him.
James wakes up, tangled in his bed sheets, throat hoarse and dry. He'd dreamt of Harry, the first one in a while. His clothes are sticking to his chest as he inhales and exhales sharply. When he turns, he finds his mum lying beside him, eyes tired but open.
"Mum," James whispers, panting still from the effort of screaming himself awake.
"I'd hoped they'd stopped," she replies quietly. Her frown quickly twists into a soft smile as she shuffles closer. James moves into her arms, revelling in the feeling of his mother's hand wandering through his sweat-soaked hair. He clutches onto her pyjamas and breathes in the scent of her. She always has smelled like freshly baked cookies and strawberries. "Go to sleep, love."
James is silent for a long time. He thinks his mother may have fallen asleep, until she asks him if he's still awake. He pulls away enough to look up at her, eyes blurry because he doesn't sleep with his glasses on. He frowns and admits, "I don't think they'll ever stop."
Effie stares down at her son for a moment and then pulls him closer once more, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "No, they probably won't. I am so sorry that I can't take your pain away for myself, my darling."
"I wouldn't want you to bear it anyway," James replies softly. "Good night, mum."
"Good night, Jamie."
He thinks about Harry a lot the next morning. It's always a what if game in James' head. What if Harry hadn't died that day? Would they still be friends? Would James have ever told him about the Wizarding World? Would Harry have ever potentially shown signs of magic and gone to Hogwarts too? And then, there's the question that frightens James the most. What if it had been Harry who left and not him? What if James had died in that forest? What if. What if. What if.
There's a secret about Harry that James has never told anyone about. He's barely allowed himself to even think about it. Seeing Gideon and Edwin together back in November had unburied something James had shovelled away years ago. A small feeling, not even that, a thought.
It had been the summer of 1967, James and Harry were playing in the back garden, kicking a ball between them that Harry called a football. James had never heard of it before, it reminded him a bit of a Quaffle, only this ball's pattern hurt his eyes a lot more. Harry had been aghast to find out that James did not know what the sport football even was and had suggested they play. So, James obviously agreed. It was fun trying to get the ball past each other, but it was boring next to Quidditch.
Afterwards, they'd dropped down onto the grass and stared up at the bright-blue summer sky, watching as the clouds slowly sailed by like ships out at sea. Harry had been the first to get up on his feet again, demanding that they play another game of football. James opened his eyes and winced at the brightness of the sun. Harry, who had taken notice of this, simply smiled and took a step to the left, blocking the sun from James' view. He'd glanced up at Harry then, haloed by the sun, brown hair bleached golden from the July sunshine, skin tanned and freckled. His eyes were bright even though the sun was behind him, always so blue. James had looked at him and thought for the first time, Wow, he's beautiful.
It hadn't seemed like such a big deal at the time, only a thought. That was until James had voiced it aloud one day in August, only a couple of weeks after he'd first started to think about it. Harry had turned to him, an uncomfortable expression on his face, and said, "Boys aren't beautiful, James. We're cool and handsome, beautiful is a girl's word." He never said it again after that, but he couldn't stop his mind from whispering it every time he saw his friend.
It had taken until a month after Harry's death for James to realise what it truly meant when he thought his friend a 'beautiful' boy. Or, at least, his mind hinted it to him, but as soon as the idea was in his reach, he'd shunned it away and never let himself go near it ever again.
Then, Edwin and Gideon.
It's sort of funny to James, how he had never seen it before. The way he would look at some boys and feel a turn in his stomach. It's funny because the moment he saw Edwin and Gideon like that, his first thought was of Harry. A sort of realisation, an oh moment. Oh, that's what I'd wanted. I'd wanted you.
Now, that was okay so long as James never thought about it again. He now understood, some things at least. That could be enough. It would have to be for now. Whenever his mind wandered any further into that general thought area, his stomach would drop and a sickness would overtake him.
So, he didn't think about it.
Not until the next week when he found himself suddenly plagued with an unwanted clarity that he had not expected. James knows he's never hated Regulus, he's never disliked him in the same way his friends do. There has always been a small part of him that cares about the boy, specifically the friend he made on the train last year. Then, in Potions Club, James had offered to test the Wit-Sharpening Potion.
He had expected secret wisdom to come to him, maybe even some understanding for their upcoming History of Magic quiz. What he hadn't expected was for one single, extremely loud thought to enter his mind. Maybe it was because Regulus had been standing right in front of him and that influenced the direction of his thoughts, it still doesn't excuse the feeling he got in his stomach as soon as his mind whispered, Regulus is beautiful. It had been the same exact stomach-swooping feeling he got the first time he saw Harry as beautiful.
As per usual, James' coping mechanism had been to shut down that train of thought immediately and lock it behind a dozen doors in his mind so he couldn't reach it. That and run away. He'd literally fled the classroom after the potion's effects had faded away. He hasn't been to the club since, always giving the excuse that he's not feeling well to Slughorn or that he has homework to finish before the weekend was over.
So, no, he doesn't think about it. Ever. At all. Not even a little bit.
Sunday - 24th December, 1972
James comes bounding down the stairs, yelling an insistent, "I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it! "
He had convinced his parents to throw their annual Christmas party this year, since they hadn't for the past three years. All of his friends are invited, along with their families, and he can't wait to see everyone. He's dressed up in formal dress trousers and a very prestigious red Christmas jumper. He tried to comb his hair earlier, but it didn't work, so it now looks messier than usual.
When he opens the door, Mary lunges at him, pulling him into a tight hug. He wraps his arms around her and half carries her through the door. He says a strangled hello to her parents, who chuckle at their daughter and tell her to let James go. When Mary does finally pull back, she presses a loud kiss to James' cheek and holds out a wrapped present to him.
He thanks her and places it on a table to the side before taking her hand and dragging her through the house to take her on a tour. His parents welcome in Mary's mum and dad, so James doesn't feel too guilty about running away from them and stealing Mary.
As guests start arriving, some through the floo and some apparating just outside their wards, the house gets more crowded than James has seen it in years. The sight of it makes him smile and reminds him of the Christmas parties he was never allowed to attend as a child, but would sneak peeks at through the banister railings after having been sent off to bed.
Remus and Lily arrive through the floo with Remus' parents. Lily's hair falls in curls down her back, gleaming against her green Christmas dress. James hugs them both and brings them to join the rest of their friends. After a couple of hours, they're all there: Alice and Frank, Peter and Sirius, Lily and Remus, Mary and Marlene, Benji, Marlene's older brothers, along with some other teenagers around their age that James recognises from the halls of Hogwarts. He notices Bertha Jorkins, a girl a few years above them, hanging around Fabian and Gideon, likely attempting to pull some sort of gossip out of them. He doesn't know much about her, only that she is the nosiest person in the school.
The only person missing is Azalia, much to everyone's disappointment. She had decided to stay at Hogwarts over the break, rather than go back to the orphanage she lives in. James only wishes McGonagall or Dumbledore would allow her to leave for the night to enjoy their party.
The most surprising guest is Barty Crouch Junior, who came with Alice and her parents. They seem to silently agree on an amicable truce for the evening. They all dance to the festive music and James gets the chance to see Sirius' parents again. Andy invites him around the house, saying he can show up whenever he wants. James meets Remus' mother for the first time, a young woman with hair brighter than any he's ever seen. She smiles when he introduces himself, saying she's heard a lot about him. When he speaks to Frank's mother for the first time, he almost cries. Augusta Longbottom is a kind woman, but she isn't half scary. James wonders how Frank can deal with such an unmotherly parent; she's more stern than she is caring.
They all get their parents together, finding the idea of their parents all being friends like they are hilarious. James notices Mary's parents and Remus' mother speaking about how difficult it's been to adjust to the changes that come with integrating themselves into the magical world. James smiles at the idea of Mary's parents, who were once clueless about all things magic when James first met them, having someone who has experienced the same thing to help them out.
At one point during the evening, Darius steals James and Frank away to talk "battle strategies" (meaning how they are going to win their next Quidditch match). They will likely be going up against whichever house is kept in the final three, unless they earn enough points in their match against Slytherin, that the snakes fall behind. Darius is soon stolen away by a girl with curly, strawberry-blonde hair. James recognises her as Stella Abbott, Darius' Hufflepuff girlfriend.
When Marlene complains about her hair getting tangled in the tinsel-jumper her mother forced her to wear, James offers to plait it. This somehow ends up turning into a full-on hair-braiding circle on the kitchen floor, away from the adult party guests. Frank, Remus, Pete, Barty and Benji stand by and watch as James plaits Marlene's hair, who plaits Lily's, who plait's Alice's, who plaits Mary's, who plaits Sirius', who sits behind James unknowing of how to plait hair. It doesn't matter because James doesn't have enough hair to plait anyway.
They are found by Monty shortly after they've all finished, who admires their good work. Now, Marlene, Lily, Alice, Mary and Sirius have matching twin French braids. Marlene hugs James after checking out her hair in a mirror and congratulating him on his work. He doesn't think he's ever hugged the girl before, she doesn't seem like the sort of person to dish out affection left and right, so James hugs her back with feeling.
The strangest part of the night is when a drunken old man, Elphias Doge - one of his parents' friends - confronts Sirius. At first, they think it's because of his hair, as a lot of older people usually tend to scold him for growing it out so long. However, Elphias just stares at him for a long time, eyes wide with confusion and apprehension. James has to ask the man what's wrong for him to actually open his mouth and say something.
"You look just like her," he slurs.
"Who?" Sirius chuckles, clearly not affected by the piercing way the man is looking at him. "Do you mean my mother?" He points over to Andy, who is standing a few meters away, talking to Effie and Monty with serious looks on their faces. He wonders what they could be talking about.
Elphias follows Sirius' finger with his eyes and then gasps when he spots Andromeda. "Your mother," he says. "Ah, yes. Sorry, dear boy. I didn't- She- I should go." He toddles off, drink still in hand, leaving the group of kids confused.
"What on Merlin's green earth was that about?" Peter asks no one in particular. James only shrugs along with Sirius.
"Who is that?" Barty questions suddenly, eyes wide as he gestures to Sirius' mother.
"My mum. Why? Got a problem with that, Crouch?" Sirius snaps.
"Sirius," Alice scolds. "He was only asking a question."
"Yeah, Tonks, I was only asking a question," Barty sneers. "She just looks an awful lot like someone I know. But there's no way she's her, so it doesn't matter."
"Well, her name is Andromeda Tonks," Sirius says.
"Definitely not who I was thinking of then," Barty replies.
For the rest of the evening, they continue to mingle with people, meeting some older wizards who all compliment them on their resemblance to their parents. James makes sure to keep Sirius and Barty as far from each other as he can. Alice appears to be doing the same thing, keeping Barty at her side, while Frank flanks her other side.
At midnight, they all yell a loud, "Merry Christmas!" and goblets are clinked, hugs are shared. People start leaving to go home soon after, none staying the night. James wishes one of his friends would stay, but he knows he couldn't ask that of them, since it's Christmas day tomorrow - or today now, he supposes.
When Alice and Barty leave, James is surprised to earn a pat on the back by Barty, as well as a quick, "Nice party, Potter." Alice hugs him sweetly before following her parents and Barty out the front door.
The last people to leave are Sirius, Remus and Lily, as well as their parents. Sirius goes through the floo with Andy and Ted after hugging everyone goodbye. James and Remus laugh when Ted invites Lily around, knowing that Sirius and Lily do not like each other in the slightest. Neither of them say anything though, only sharing a look that says, I'll play along if you play along.
Once they've left, James gets hugs from Hope and Lyall, who step into the floo and tell Lily and Remus to not be too long as it's already late enough and they don't want to bother the Potters any longer. Remus nods and watches as his parents whoosh away in a cloud of green flames. James' parents hug Remus and Lily and then leave the three of them to be alone to say goodbye, wandering off upstairs to go to bed.
James hugs Lily first, wishing her a Merry Christmas. She presses a small kiss to his cheek before pulling away and stepping back. Remus hugs James next, whispering in his ear that he'll see him again soon. They'll be back at Hogwarts before they know it. James nods and holds Remus a little tighter than he did everyone else tonight. Remus had been the first one of his friends to fully understand his fear of his own home, and he's never forgotten, he's always understood. James really loves him for that.
When they pull apart, James walks with them over to the fireplace.
"Oh, wait. Lily, your coat," he reminds her before she steps into the chimney breast. James goes over to the armchair in the corner of the room that had earlier held a heap of coats and now only holds a single one. Lily follows him over and takes it from him with a small thanks.
"Oh no," Remus mutters and then bursts out laughing. He's still standing beside the fireplace, so James has no idea what he's laughing about.
"What?" Lily asks curiously.
"You-" Remus waits until his giggles settle down and then he's pointing at the ceiling. "You're under the mistletoe."
Lily gasps and her face turns bright pink as she stares up at the cursed plant. James only looks up at it and then down at the girl in front of him.
"I'm sure it broke for Sirius and Marlene when he kissed her on the cheek," Lily whispers shyly, still clutching her coat in her hands.
James just shrugs and then, before he can think better of it, leans down into Lily's space. He gives her a chance to shove him away, but when she doesn't take it, he moves in closer. Their lips brush together gently, awkwardly. James has never kissed anyone before. Lily's lips are soft, a little chapped from the cold weather, but not grossly so. It's short, only lasting five seconds or less. When he pulls back, he smiles down at her shocked expression and says, "Merry Christmas, Lils."
Remus, who James can see over Lily's shoulder, is gaping at the display in front of him. Lily swallows and then mumbles out a "Merry Christmas, James" before rushing away to the fireplace and dragging Remus in behind her. Remus waves as green flames consume them both.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
tad = father (Welsh)
mam = mother (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-I am not creative enough to come up with a good prank omg
-Regulus grabbing James' tie (I'm blushing)
-Lily + Remus friendship>>>
-Marie! I missed you!!
-speaking of, Remus has been oblivious...
-Effie, my love <3
-James' first love was Harry Wilkins :(
-JAMES THINKS REGULUS IS BEAUTIFUL, PEOPLE! OH MY-
-shout out to that hair plaiting circle
-Sirius "looks like her" 👀 who, sir? WHO?
-I gave Lily James' first kiss because she deserved that (it was as friends and they both know it, dw). They are best friends, so they can do stuff like that :)I think that's all! Leave a comment or kudos or both, I love receiving anything <3 Remus' POV was longer this chapter because he had more to say :) Okay, see you next week! Bye!! <3
Chapter 23: Second Year: I Don't Always Get What I Want
Summary:
Christmas at the Black's
New Year's at the McKinnon's
Alphard!!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of child abuse (cruciatus curse)I think that's all! Let me know if there's more! Have a great day, week, month, life!! :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I would rather not go back to the old house
There's too many bad memories
~ The Smiths
Saturday - 23rd December, 1972
Regulus
Regulus hates his family. If he had the chance to run away or exchange them all for another, he would. The only people he's ever been able to handle are his father, who has always tried his best to make Regulus feel cared for even when his mother does her best to do the opposite, and Narcissa. She's always been more of an older sister than a cousin. One of his first memories with her is of when she had saved him from a particularly ravenous Erkling after Bellatrix had left him alone with it. He remembers how furious uncle Cygnus had been with Bella that day, even going so far as to cast a Cruciatus on her, the first time he ever saw the curse used, and certainly not the last.
Over the years, the only members of the Black family he ever spent significant time around had been his two cousins, his aunt and uncle, and his grandfather Pollux. Pollux had died only two years before Regulus started Hogwarts, leaving the role of the head of the house of Black to Regulus' father, as the husband of his eldest daughter Walburga. Regulus has always wondered why his grandfather gave the position to Orion, as it was well-known in their family how sick he had become over the last decade. It would have made more sense to give the role to Cygnus, or perhaps even his eldest son Alphard, who Regulus has never properly met. Supposedly, it had been because Cygnus only ever produced two daughters, both of whom would never become the head of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Regulus assumes his other uncle never married, nor had children, as he's never heard them be mentioned. Alphard is rarely mentioned himself actually.
It's a surprise when Regulus comes down to breakfast on the morning of the day prior to Christmas Eve and finds not only his mother and father seated at the dining table, but a third person. A man with his mother's aristocratic nose and jawline, and eyes that classic silvery-grey that runs in the Black family. His hair had quite obviously been black once, but is now significantly greying, much like Orion's.
Regulus politely greets his mother and father and then nods in the direction of the third adult amongst them. He sits down opposite the man, who hasn't yet spoken. With one more glance his way, Regulus thinks this must be his uncle Alphard. The family resemblance usually tends to shine through in everyone, and this man is almost identical to Cygnus, meaning they must be brothers.
"Regulus," his mother speaks in that bland, bordering on cruel, voice of hers. "Your uncle Alphard will be spending the Christmas holiday here with us this year. I expect you to act accordingly and treat him with the utmost respect."
"Of course, maman," Regulus responds with a dignified nod. He turns to the man again, who is now watching him carefully. "It is nice to see you again, uncle Alphard." What he doesn't say is that he cannot remember ever meeting the man, only hearing stories about him over the years from Bellatrix and Narcissa. One time Bella had told him that Alphard set a Demiguise loose in Grimmauld Place years ago. Regulus hadn't believed her, especially after Bellatrix was once again scolded by her father. He said she must have been lying because he never saw it, to which she responded, "Of course, you can't. When under threat, they become invisible. This one cannot escape the wards, so it's trapped here forever. Always under threat."
He hadn't believed her. He still doesn't all these years later; at least, that's what he tells himself. However, he does have a faint memory of waking up one night, only a couple of weeks after Bellatrix had told him the story about the Demiguise forever trapped in Grimmauld Place. The room was dark, only partly lit by the moonlight, and in the corner, staring at nothing in the room but him, had been two gleaming yellow eyes.
Alphard chuckles and then takes a sip out of his goblet before speaking. "Do you always expect the boy to speak so formally in his own home?" He's staring directly at Regulus but he's clearly talking to Walburga.
"He is accustomed to, yes," Walburga responds icily. "If you can remember, as were we. Perhaps, your time away has done nothing but addle your memory, Alphard."
"I assure you, sister, that you are correct in that regard," Alphard returns with a cocky smirk. Regulus would laugh if he were anywhere else, if his mother wasn't here. His father, who only ever lets his emotions show whenever Walburga is not about, lets out a quiet chuckle. Regulus' eyes skip between the two men and it is only then that he remembers they had been friends in school. It had been Alphard who had gone along with his father to visit Hagrid back in their school years. When he looks over at his mother, he finds her glaring daggers at his father.
"Do you truly think not allowing the boy to speak until spoken to will affect his ability to retain the house's noble name?" Alphard continues, quirking an eyebrow at his sister.
Walburga visibly seethes, teeth clenching. "It is unbecoming to act with such little respect, as you would know, brother." She speaks the word 'brother' as if it's dirt on her tongue, an insult to Alphard rather than something that should be considered warm and familial.
"I apologise," Alphard says, tone more polite this time, though Regulus can still sense the hint of amusement hiding behind the layer of formality in his voice. "It is not my place to determine how you raise your own children, Walburga."
She glares at him as if he's just cursed her at the breakfast table. Regulus feels those words have more meaning behind them than he has been led to believe. Still, he continues to eat his breakfast silently, not wanting to get on the wrong side of his mother.
Regulus expects Alphard to stay in the room opposite his, since it's the second largest in the entire house; bigger than his but smaller than his parents' bedroom. Regulus isn't sure why his parents never gave him that room, only ever leaving it empty. It's never been unlocked, so he has no idea what it's interior even looks like. All he knows about it is the room faces the front of the house, unlike Regulus' which sits at the back with a view of the back garden. He wonders if something terrible once happened in the room across the hall. There's something about it's emptiness that worries Regulus, as if it should be occupied by something. Something important.
Instead, Alphard is put in one of the rooms a floor above Regulus and his parents, usually where Narcissa and Bellatrix would stay whenever they slept over before they became too old for sleepovers.
He wonders if he could ask Alphard about the mysterious Andromeda person he'd overheard his mother and Bellatrix whispering about all those months ago. His research has led him nowhere as of yet. Maybe he would be able to get a straight answer out of Alphard. The man does seem to be much more lenient than the rest of the family, verging on rebellious in the standards of which the Black's regard themselves by. Even if he isn't inclined to tell Regulus the truth, perhaps he won't tell Walburga that Regulus is searching for this person at all.
Sunday - 24th December, 1972
On Christmas Eve, they throw their annual Christmas party; it's more of an excuse to gather the members still accepted of the Sacred Twenty-Eight to see whose child (or children) is better. Regulus assumes they are also already planning arranged marriages between them all, he can only be grateful that there is no one else left in his family for him to be married off to. Incest is a repeated occurring event in his family, unfortunately. Regulus has never been fond of the idea of having to marry a cousin, distant or not. He is sure, if there were any left, his mother would find them and force him to marry them. Sure, there's Pandora, who is technically his cousins' cousin, but his mother has already shared her open distain for Regulus' friend.
Dark robes are laid out on his bed, likely put there by Kreacher, ready for him to change into them. He can already hear the steady rumble of voices that belong to guests who have arrived precisely on time. It's unlikely any of his friends will attend. Dorcas' family have never said they oppose the Black family, but it's clear they don't agree with their views on blood status. Barty's father would never allow his son to attend any event held by Walburga. As for Evan and Pandora, well, as previously mentioned, Walburga has a heavy distaste for Pandora, which likely extends to Evan.
Last year, Regulus had unexpectedly found company in Frank Longbottom, though he had overheard his mother complaining to his father that they would not be attending this year.
He sighs as he dresses. When he looks at himself in the mirror, he notices a slight frizz to his hair that he knows his mother would despise, so he uses a spell to settle his curls into something more tame and elegant. Something his mother would surely approve of.
Kreacher pops into his room just as he's triple-checking that there are no creases on his trousers. He tells Regulus that Walburga expects him down any minute and then disapparates away.
As Regulus makes his way down the stairs, he almost bumps into Alphard. His uncle is dressed in dark-red robes, the colour of blood. Not the usual colour palette for people in this family; Regulus' parents tend to lean towards dark blues and navy greens, matching them with clothes as black as their name. Alphard, however, manages to fend off this tradition, instead dressing in what Regulus can only describe as Gryffindor colours, while also somehow managing to retain the grace that naturally comes with being a member of the Black family.
"Hello, Regulus," Alphard grins and it's a startlingly familiar expression, especially when matched with the way Alphard hops about like he's the happiest man in the world. Regulus can't quite grasp where he's seen it before, definitely not on his mother's face, that's for certain.
"Hello, uncle."
"Oh, just call me Alphard," the man says with a simple wave of his hand. He falters when he looks at Regulus properly, then his eyes explore him up and down, a frown line creasing the stretch of skin between his eyebrows. "Is that what she's making you wear?"
Regulus isn't sure how to respond. He's not used to people speaking so openly about their distain for his mother and her choices. "Uh, yeah."
"Sorry, I just had flashbacks, a bit of Deja vu. That's the sort of thing Pollux used to force me to wear to these stuffy events. Of course, I was good at Transfiguration and would just swap the colours when he wasn't looking." He winks and Regulus can't help but feel a little scandalised. How could this man be the brother of his terrorist of a mother? They act as if they are from different worlds, not like they were raised by the same people.
The words that come out of his mouth are, "What is Deja vu?"
"A Muggle thing," Alphard explains simply. "It's the sensation of feeling as if you have experienced the exact thing you are doing before in the exact same way in the past."
"You know about Muggles?" Regulus asks, eyes wide. They begin to make their way down the stairs now, and the sounds echoing from the party start to grow louder.
"That they exist?" Alphard snorts when Regulus sends him a flat look in response. "I'm just messing with you. Of course, I know about them. They are brilliant. Such creative and resourceful creatures. This is the moment you run away screaming and tell your mother on me."
Regulus frowns in confusion. "Why do you think I would I do that?"
Alphard shrugs. "I don't, but I would like to be given the chance to get a drink first before I'm banished from the property."
Regulus huffs a small laugh, staring at his shoes to try and hide it. His mother hates it when he laughs over silly jokes. He doesn't mind it so much when he's at Hogwarts, but he knows better than to do it when he's back home. They enter the main ballroom, pulling the attention of many guests in their direction. Alphard doesn't seem too bothered by this, so Regulus follows his lead and pretends he doesn't notice them.
"I won't say anything," he promises quietly. "I- I agree with you." His heart hammers against his ribs, like a prisoner against the bars of their cage. He's never admitted his true opinions about Muggles to anyone in his family before. Not officially. In all honesty, Regulus finds them fascinating. If the museum down the road is anything to go on, then he knows Muggles to be wonderful, if not a bit confusing, people. Creative and resourceful creatures, as Alphard had put it.
Alphard glances down at him and his stare is heavy. Regulus gets the impression that he's being seen for the first time. With a small nod of approval, Alphard whispers, "I think you might just be my favourite nephew."
Regulus smiles, composed but still real. "I'm your only nephew."
Alphard bellows a loud laugh, very undignified if you ask Walburga Black. When he calms down again, he grins at Regulus and says, "You are my favourite nephew." With that, he picks up a crystal glass full of something sour-smelling and heads off in the direction of the adults.
Regulus goes off to find Narcissa, just as he always does. He finds her, with Lucius at her side, speaking with a man Regulus recognises from their past parties - Dorian Nott. He waits patiently for the adults to finish their conversation, trying not to appear like a loiterer, but also attempting to avoid his mother. Once Nott indicates that Lucius join him to talk to a man called Dolohov, leaving Narcissa alone, Regulus swoops in.
"Merry Christmas Eve, Cissy," he greets, taking her hand in his and leaving a small kiss on her knuckles. She smiles sweetly at him and squeezes his hand affectionately. "How is Lucius?"
"He is very well, thank you for asking," she replies. "Actually, we're trying for a child," Narcissa confides excitedly. "But you can't tell anyone, nobody knows yet, not even Bella."
"Knows what?" Regulus smirks and Narcissa gently shoves him. "I'm happy for you, that's really great news, Cissy. Have you had the chance to talk to uncle Alphard yet?"
"No, not yet. Father will probably have me avoid him, but I am admittedly curious." Her eyes move to stare at something over Regulus' shoulder. When he turns, he finds Alphard non-conspicuously pulling a flask out of his robes and pouring some light-purple-pink liquid into his already full glass of liquor.
"A calming draught?" He questions.
"It seems to be," Narcissa agrees quietly. "That or glow-in-the-dark wine."
"Glow-in-the-dark wine?" Regulus raises an eyebrow at her.
"What?" She shrugs, a smile tugging at her lips. "Perhaps he invented it. I don't know, you're the one who is a part of a Potions club, are you not?"
"Yeah," Regulus mumbles. His smile drops as he thinks about how Potter had been absent ever since they made that Wit-Sharpening Potion and he had scrambled out of the classroom. Regulus has been forced to work alone ever since, which is just rude.
"So, what do you think?"
"Definitely a calming draught, the true question is why ?"
"He had to get the confidence to wear that outfit in front of our parents and the rest of Pureblood society somewhere," Narcissa giggles.
"Come on, I'll introduce you," Regulus says, taking her hand in his to lead her over to the man across the room. Alphard sees them coming and, after promptly chugging down his drink, he starts off towards them, meeting them halfway.
"Narcissa!" He beams at her and reaches out to offer her a hand. She places her own in his and accepts the respectful kiss he leaves on her knuckles, just as Regulus had. "Oh, you've grown so much since I last saw you. I hear you're married now."
"I am, to Lucius Malfoy," she nods, pointing over to where her husband is conversing with a group of primly-dressed men. As if he knows she is looking at him, Lucius' eyes catch on hers and he smiles lovingly at her before returning to his conversation. Regulus likes that out of all the arseholes Narcissa could have been promised to, it ended up being Malfoy. He may be dull at times, but he respects her where other Pureblood men do not, and he will forever be grateful to the man for that.
"Lovely," Alphard hums as he gets a proper look at Lucius. "Handsome man."
"I know," Narcissa smirks.
"Is anyone else bored already?" Alphard asks them both before turning in a circle and then huffing. "I thought this would be fun, though I suppose that was a bit optimistic of me. These events have never even been tolerable, never mind fun."
Regulus and Narcissa share a side-long glance, neither knowing how to respond. They have always shared the same opinion about these parties over the years, always calling them boring and torturous. Never when surrounded by so many people though. Usually, they save those comments for when they sneak away.
"It's only been fifteen minutes," Regulus says.
"You're joking," Alphard gasps. "And Bellatrix said I wouldn't last five. Where is that girl? She owes me five galleons."
Narcissa laughs softly, not able to contain her amusement. Regulus only just catches himself, not wanting to get in trouble for laughing in front of so many people.
"I think she and Rodolphus are dancing," Narcissa replies, gesturing with a tilt of her chin in the direction of the dancefloor.
"Oh," Alphard shrinks. "Well, I guess I can find her again later. I-"
"Hello, I don't think we've met," someone says, interrupting whatever it was Alphard was going to say. "Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa's husband."
"Ah, yes, the husband. I've heard two things about you, both lovely," Alphard grins charmingly. Lucius opens his mouth as if he is about to say something but is not sure what. "You should take Narcissa dancing, I think she would love that." He gestures to the dancefloor.
"Oh, she- Narcissa?" Lucius stutters, clearly at a loss for words. Regulus has sort of lost track of the conversation at this point. He assumes Narcissa nods because a moment later, she and Lucius are hand-in-hand and walking in the direction of the dancefloor.
"Lovely girl, my second favourite niece," he decides with a swift nod.
"You favour Bellatrix?" Regulus asks, surprised.
"No," Alphard answers.
"I'm confused," Regulus says. Then, it hits him that this is an opening, one he hadn't expected to get. "Then... are you talking about-" Before he ever gets the chance to ask his question, he is interrupted by his mother, of all people.
"Regulus, this is Scarlett Stark," she says and it is only then that Regulus notices the girl standing beside his mother. "Not directly a part of the Sacred twenty-Eight, but the closest to it."
Regulus stares at the girl, recognising her from his classes. She's a Slytherin in his year, one of Dorcas' roommates, he thinks. In truth, he has never taken much notice of the Slytherin girls, unless you count Dorcas and Alecto. Though the latter has been against his will, as she has an obsession with Evan.
He barely knows Scarlett, but he can tell what his mother is trying to do. He can recognise a set-up from a mile away. There's nothing wrong with Scarlett. She's... fine. Her hair is sort of long and dark, she has nice dark skin and green eyes. She is a pretty girl, Regulus can see that. He just isn't interested in getting himself trapped in an arranged marriage just yet. He is twelve.
He is curious though, admittedly. Pandora had said that he would fall in love one day, and Regulus is sure she meant someone they already go to Hogwarts with. Could she have seen him and Scarlett together?
"Hello," he says, smiling politely at the girl. She only stares back at him.
Dance, Walburga mouths sharply and Alphard laughs. At the sight of Walburga's glare, he takes his leave, saying a quick "Good luck" to Regulus.
He sighs and holds out a hand to Scarlett, asking if she would like to dance with him. Her only response is a small nod, placing a hand into Regulus' waiting palm. He internally rolls his eyes as he feels his mother watch him and Scarlett go over to the rest of the dancing couples. Reluctantly, he pulls her closer, resting a hand on her hip and keeping the other clutched in her grasp. She lays her free hand on his shoulder, clearly as against this idea as he is.
"This party is shit," Scarlett huffs over his shoulder, taking him by surprise.
"You think I don't already know that?" He replies, quickly meeting her eye. "They only get shittier each year."
"Excellent," she sighs, sarcasm lacing her voice. "Your mother has just invited us to the next five."
Regulus breathes a chuckle. "Yes, well. I assume she will be offering you my hand in marriage by next Christmas. She tends to be dramatic like that."
"You wouldn't want to marry me," Scarlett says and it isn't a question, which puzzles Regulus. It's more of a statement, like she already knows exactly what he's thinking. "The feeling is mutual."
"And what if I told you I do everything my mother tells me to?"
"Then I would say you are lying," she whispers. "Your mother would never allow you to be friends with that Rosier girl. Besides, I remember the Howler she sent you last year. You may act like the perfect little heir, but you aren't."
"Is that why you wouldn't accept my hand if she offered it to you?"
"Who said I would refuse? My father would be thrilled, my mother would be satisfied. It would be an exceptional honour," Scarlett says as Regulus spins her. Their gazes meet briefly once more before breaking. "The issue is, I don't always get what I want."
"What do you want?"
"Right now? To leave this fucking party." Regulus laughs again. "I don't want to marry you now and I won't want to marry you when our parents ultimately decide to arrange our marriage. While you are a pretty boy, you aren't my type. That and I'm thirteen."
"Well, I'm twelve," Regulus responds. "I don't want to marry you either."
"Why not?"
He scoffs. Just because she is ready to share her life story, it doesn't mean he is too. "Like I said, I'm twelve. Marriage isn't something I tend to worry myself about."
"Ah," she hums. "So, you're hoping to fall in love. Well, I'm afraid to tell you, Regulus, but I don't think you'll get that opportunity. Still, we could use this to benefit the both of us."
"What do you mean?" Regulus asks, coming to a stop with the music.
Scarlett looks over at the charmed instruments as they slowly begin to come to a halt. Then, she turns back to Regulus. "I guess you'll have to wait until the next party for your answer." She flashes him a quick smirk before sauntering back off to her parents, hair whipping gracefully behind her. She really is gorgeous, Regulus thinks.
Monday - 25th December, 1972
Christmas morning is as uneventful as always. The most interesting thing to happen is Alphard coming down to breakfast still dressed in his pyjamas and getting hexed by Walburga for his lack of propriety. Regulus had to hide his laugh in his cup of apple juice, his father had done no such thing and had shortly after received a stinging hex of his own.
He doesn't get so much as proper presents from his parents, only family heirlooms, jewellery he will probably never wear. Fortunately for him, his friends had sent presents for him ahead of time, which he had stuffed under the floorboards until Christmas day. A place his mother wouldn't think to look.
Just after breakfast, he rushes back up to his bedroom to open his presents from his friends, only to discover an owl scratching at his bedroom window. He recognises it immediately as the Crouch's family owl. Careful to be quiet, he allows the bird in and unties the letter around it's knobbly leg. He strokes it's feathers and offers it some seeds he keeps in his room for whenever his friends send him letters. He always likes to pay the birds through food, especially after such a long journey.
Once he's sent Barty's owl on its way, he settles down on his bed and tears open the envelope. It's nothing drastic, just a short note really. Well, short for Barty, who has the tendency to ramble a lot in his letters.
Regulus,
Merry Christmas! Guess where I went last night. I bet you can't guess. Did you guess? Great. Anyway, I ended up at the Potters', of all places. I know, crazy, right? Well, Alice was going to their Christmas Eve do, because she's best friends with Potter or something, I don't know anymore. I can't keep track of all these Gryffindors. It was very strange; we agreed on a truce for the night. Yes, you heard that correctly, a truce. I had to spend the entire night surrounded by Gryffindors, and I had to be nice to them. Don't worry, I pissed off Tonks in honour of you because I'm loyal like that.
That's pretty much all I wanted to say. Actually! There's more. For some reason, I ended up watching Potter and Tonks and some of the Gryffindor girls plait each other's hair for like twenty minutes on his kitchen floor. They were just.. sitting in a circle. On the cold floor. It was bloody weird. Gryffindors are a strange breed. I also had Frank "I don't understand that my girlfriend needs personal time with her best friend" Longbottom up my arse all night.
Anyway, have a nice day or whatever. I know you won't, but try I guess? Alice says to say hi, so, hi.
Goodbye.
Barty.
Regulus laughs as he reads through the letter, completely flabbergasted over the idea of Barty ending up at James Potter's house, of all places. He carefully steps over to the other side of his room where a floorboard is slightly more raised than the rest. He lifts it up and pulls out the presents from his friends before gently placing the letter Barty sent him on top of the others he has collected over the past couple of years.
By the time he's opened his presents, he's surrounded by wrapping paper, which he quickly vanishes away with his wand. He takes a look at his haul. Pandora had sent him a deep-blue jumper she croqueted herself, along with a letter thanking him for the Muggles Who Know book he had sent her early; Evan, predictably, got him the same thing Regulus had gifted him - a broom polishing kit; Dorcas gifted him a silver ring with the etching of a snake around the metal; Barty had sent him something that he assumes is Muggle because he's never seen one before. It's a little rectangular box, made of steel, with the initials R.A.B. carved into it's surface. It's got a tiny lid that flips up when he pulls one end back. Inside there's a little wheel thing next to what looks like a small, metal pipe. It had surprised Regulus the first time he spun the little wheel and it made a rasping click, soon followed by a little flame appearing. He still doesn't understand how Muggles found a way to summon fire without magic.
Instead of hiding his presents again, he blends them into his room. Placing the broom polish kit in the bottom of his wardrobe, storing the jumper away in his drawer, keeping the thing Barty got him under the loose floorboard. As for the ring, he risks wearing it, hoping his mother won't notice it and question him about it.
The rest of his Christmas day goes differently to how it usually would. Alphard gets Regulus a present, even after only knowing him properly for the last two days. It's nothing expensive, but Regulus accepts it as if it's the most special thing in the world. Alphard gives him a pair of Muggle sunglasses. He can't use them until the summer, which is a bit disappointing, but he loves them either way. Their lenses are black and almost circular, but flatter at the top, embraced by a silver wiry frame. He grins at his uncle when he's finished admiring his presents and thanks him with a hug. He wouldn't be so open about his affection were his mother in the room with them, but she had left earlier to visit Cygnus and Druella. Regulus had decided to stay behind with Alphard and his father. The three of them took advantage of the Walburga-free house and chose to sit around in the kitchen with Kreacher, drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows floating and whipped cream, something Walburga usually bans from the house.
It's the best Christmas he's had in a long time.
***
Sunday - 31st December, 1972
Sirius
"Are you sure you packed everything?" His mum asks for the seventieth time. Sirius just rolls his eyes and pulls her in for another hug. She accepts it gracefully and huffs as she wraps her arms back around him. "You'll be back at an appropriate time on Thursday."
"Yes, mum," Sirius whines, pushing himself free. He's only brought a single backpack with him, slung over one shoulder, and his broomstick. Marlene had told him how her garden wasn't as large as the Potters', but it was still big enough that her parents had built a mini quidditch pitch for Marlene and her brothers to practice on.
"See you in five days," she says before pressing a gentle kiss to his head. He grins at her, pressing in for one more quick squeeze, and then rushes off to the front door of Marlene's house and knocks on it. He's never actually been to the McKinnon's before, so he is hoping he got the right house. He gave his mum the address and they got here via apparition.
Footsteps chorus from the other side of the door and Sirius inhales deeply, suddenly nervous at the prospect of meeting new people. Technically, he met Marlene's parents a week ago at the Potters' Christmas Eve party (which had been brilliant), but he hadn't really gotten much chance to talk to them.
The house in front of him is large, bigger than his and smaller than James', and painted a quiet teal-blue colour. It's window shutters and door are matching, both a midnight blue colour. The building as a whole reminds Sirius a lot of the sea. It's located in Kent, the complete opposite side of the United Kingdom to Cornwall, where Sirius lives.
When the door opens, Sirius almost jumps in surprise at the sight of Arthur Weasley before him. If he has gotten the wrong house, he's bloody lucky it's not some spooky stranger. Still, this would be much more embarrassing.
"Oh, hello, Sirius," Arthur grins, stepping to the side and creating a wide space big enough for Sirius to enter the house through. "Come on in."
"Uh, okay," he replies sceptically, taking a step through the threshold between the porch and the house. "Is this the McKinnon's?"
"Yes, of course it is!" Arthur chuckles warmly, closing the door.
Sirius sighs, relief washing over him like a tidal wave. "Oh, good. Sorry, I wasn't sure if I'd gotten the wrong house." He laughs awkwardly and then finally offers Arthur a proper smile. "Hello, Arthur. How have you been?"
"Excellent," Arthur responds, his grin only brightening at Sirius' question. Then, he lifts his hand, showing off a dazzling, gold ring, albeit a lot thinner than others he has seen, but still beautiful. "Molly and I are married now."
"Oh, Merlin!" Sirius gasps, lips curling up. He hadn't even realised they were together, though he supposes it does make sense. They had always been together in school, Sirius had just assumed that whenever he saw them together it was because they were doing Head Boy and Head Girl stuff. "That's amazing! When did you get married?"
"The day we graduated," he says, suddenly bashful. His cheeks blush harsher than the brightness of his hair.
"Sirius!" Someone calls just as Sirius is about to respond. He turns and walks through a doorway to, what he assumes is the living room. Couches sit on either side of the room, a Moroccan rug and wooden coffee table placed in the space between them. There's a fireplace against the opposite wall, the mantel littered with pictures of the McKinnon family. Then, Sirius notices the streak of sunny blonde hair that is whipping towards him.
Before he can voice any form of a hello, Marlene is pouncing at him, hugging him so tightly he can hardly breathe. He laughs and holds her back. It doesn't last long, Marlene isn't really one for hugs. When she pulls back though, she's smiling large and bright.
"When did you get here?"
"Just now," Sirius replies as he's dragged through the living room and into another room behind it. This one is painted dark-red, almost maroon, and has bookshelves lining three out of four of the walls. Paintings accent the final wall, some of ships at sea and some of people in groups doing various different activities like eating at a table or women fanning their faces, dressed head-to-toe in Victorian-era attire.
They pass through this room too, arriving in a room much thinner than the other two, only holding a cupboard and several stacks of freshly cleaned laundry atop a lone counter. Sirius stares around in wonder, not noticing when Marlene pulls a pair of shoes out of the cupboard, pulling them on her feet.
"Come on," she gestures with her head towards the door, Sirius assumes it leads to the back garden. Marlene's shoes track mud through the little room and Sirius understands suddenly why they have this little room and why this is where they store their shoes. He follows her into the outside, eyes widening at the sight of the, unexpectedly large, Quidditch pitch. People are already playing a game when they get there, some of them calling for Marlene to come back.
When Sirius squints up at the people, he grins as he finds Marlene's three older brothers and the Prewett twins, along with a few girls he can't quite place.
"Hello, Sirius." He swivels to the right and gasps at the sight of Molly Prewett- no, Molly Weasley now. She looks just as smiley as ever, a bit less strict now she isn't in charge of his behaviour. The most shocking thing about her is the ginormous bump that sticks out where her stomach should be. Noticing the way he's gaping helplessly, Molly chuckles and rests a hand on her swollen belly. "Ah, yes. I'm sure Arthur told you we're married now. Well, that's not all that's new. Say hello to William."
"William?" Sirius gasps. "Wow, you're pregnant? That's fantastic!"
Marlene elbows him, recapturing his attention. "I refuse to call him William, he's Bill." At this, Molly rolls her eyes fondly, not correcting her though. "Want to go play Quidditch? Our team's one down, you'll be a Chaser with me."
"Yeah, sure. I totally prefer being a Beater though."
"Me too, but when the Prewett Parade is here, I don't get a choice," she rolls her eyes. "There's Team One," she points up at the left side of the pitch where one team's bundled together. "Bobby is playing Seeker because he was on the Gryffindor team before he quit for his O.W.Ls. Then there's Fab on Beater, Edwin on Keeper because if he and Gid play on the same team they'll never get anything done other than ogling each other with their eyes. Sybill and Kamilla are the Chasers," Marlene snorts at this.
"What?" Sirius questions, amused.
"They're only here because they're Bobby and Fab's girlfriends but they can't play for shit," she explains. "Anyway, my team is called Team Better Than One. Darius is playing Seeker, duh, and Gid's on Beater. Stella is the Keeper because she isn't half bad, she's Darius' girlfriend. That just leaves us as the Chasers."
"Let's crush them," Sirius grins and mounts his broom. Marlene jogs over to the side of the house to retrieve her own broom, she must have put it there when she heard Sirius had arrived.
The weather is cold as it whips past him, it being December, but it's not snowing. At least he can be grateful for that. As he flies up, Marlene by his side, he's greeted by everyone. Gideon whooshes over quickly, leaving a strong pat on his back, not enough to shove him off his broom, but forceful enough that he sways.
"Marls said you're staying for New Year's," Gideon says.
"Yeah, I'm leaving on the day before we return for school." Sirius blushes, he always does this around the Prewett twins. They're just so cool and that makes him nervous. He almost passed away when James told them what they said, that they'd adopted them. He wants to be just like them when he's older.
"Nice. I didn't know Marlene had a boyfriend."
Sirius blinks harshly, turns slowly to Marlene, and after sharing a quick look they both promptly burst into fits of giggles. Gideon and the rest of their team, who are floating nearby, all turn to stare at them strangely.
"Sirius! My boyfriend," Marlene gasps for breath, catching herself by fully lying down against her broom. "Fuck, no."
"Language !" Bobby yells from the other side of the pitch. Marlene rolls her eyes and mumbles a response, something about how Bobby must have canine hearing because he never misses when she curses.
"I'm going to take a wild guess here," a girl says as she swoops over. Sirius assumes this is Stella. "Those two are just friends, Gid."
"I got that, Stella," Gideon snorts, watching as Sirius and Marlene both still struggle to overcome their laughter. "Got a different girlfriend then?" Gideon asks, then, "Or a boyfriend."
"I-" Sirius stops laughing and shakes his head. "No, we're only in second year. I haven't even thought about that yet."
"Huh," Gideon hums curiously. "I was definitely looking at Edwin by then. What a gorgeous man, mm." Sirius starts laughing again as Marlene and Darius both gag.
"Nope, no uh- nothing. Not a one," Sirius replies with a stilted nod.
"Okay, but if there ever is," Gideon waggles a finger in his face, "you come and tell me."
After a flustered agreement from Sirius, Darius gets them back into talking game strategies. Sirius and Marlene are told to focus mainly on capturing good teamworking skills because apparently that is something Sybill and Kamilla lack, which will give their team an advantage. Gideon is told to stay away from Edwin as much as possible and reluctantly agrees. Stella, who gets much gentler instructions from her boyfriend than everyone else did, is told to try and play mind games with Sybill and Kamilla, hopefully to try and manipulate them into striking for a certain hoop, so she can catch it before they score.
"Sybill might see that coming," Marlene says with a snort. "You know, with her Divination powers."
"We promised Bobby we wouldn't laugh at his girlfriend anymore," Darius chastises, obviously attempting to be stern, but there's a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.
"Yeah, and then she predicted I'd see the grim when I'm sixteen!" Marlene retorts, not unkindly.
"Marls, you're not going to see the grim," Darius rolls his eyes. "Just ignore her, okay? She's always spurting nonsense."
"Whatever," Marlene mumbles.
They play quidditch until the sky starts to turn grey, storm clouds folding in, and rain pours from the sky. When they go back into the house, they find Arthur and Molly have gone back to their new home together. Gideon pouts and complains that his sister hadn't even said goodbye to him, but Fabian shoves him, distracting him and they start to brawl playfully on the floor.
Sirius officially meets Marlene's parents as they start to arrive through the floo from their days at work. Her mother is tough and playful like her children, whilst their father seems more bookish than most of the family, a bit like how Bobby is next to the rest of his siblings. They are friendly people and tell Sirius he gets to choose what everyone has for dinner tonight because apparently they all take it in turns and he's new, which means he gets first pick.
Gideon and Fabian, along with Stella, Sybill and Kamilla, all stay around for dinner too. Marlene informs him that Gideon and Fabian only live up the road, so they all grew up together. He discovers that everyone will be staying the night too because of New Year's Eve.
"We're having a party," Marlene says as she brushes her long hair, not able to reach the end of it. She looks like she's struggling. "Usually, I don't get to join in because I'm the," she puts her fingers up like quotation marks, "baby of the family. How rude, if you ask me." Then, she groans. "I hate my hair." Marlene glares at herself in the mirror. They're in her bedroom now, it's decorated with fading blue and green wallpaper, which someone has clearly put a lot of effort into covering if the amount of posters all over the walls are anything to go by. Sirius' eyes wander as he examines the posters. Some are of different Quidditch teams, whilst others are of different bands - Muggle and not.
Sirius' eyes catch on a specific poster, one with massive, bright-blue letters on the bottom that spell out 'MELINDA'. He isn't sure what that means or who they are, but he assumes it's a movie poster based on the small list of names written under the title. It's the biggest poster in the room, an orange-red colour background, and in the centre sits a woman. Sirius blushes at the sight of her. She's bare, not wearing any clothes, yet somehow completely covered. Her fingers sit splayed out upon her knees, her two index's holding up a shiny, rectangular... something. Sirius isn't sure what it is. Her eyes stare beadily at him, black like her shiny hair. Her skin is dark like molten bronze, shining against the blue of the title.
He averts his gaze, not sure if it would be appropriate for him to be examining it so closely. He wonders why Marlene has it in her room. Maybe it's her favourite movie? He doesn't ask, too embarrassed to admit he'd been looking.
When Marlene huffs again, Sirius turns to her and almost laughs. Her hair, where she's been violently trying to brush the knots out of it, has gone all frizzy. She blows it out her face, frustrated.
"You should just cut it off if you don't like it," Sirius says, moving over to her. They both stare in the mirror at each other. Sirius sticks his tongue out and waggles his eyebrows, making Marlene let out a reluctant snort. "You would look really lovely with short hair."
"You think?" She asks, eyes moving to her own reflection in the mirror. It pains Sirius how much her eyes dim the moment they are on herself. No one should ever look at themselves like that, especially Marlene. She deserves so much better than that. Not only because she is actually a very attractive girl, but because she's only a person. People, in Sirius' opinion, are beautiful.
"Definitely," he answers without any hesitation in his voice.
"I couldn't," Marlene whispers and her gaze drops down to where her fingers are pulling at the hairs stuck in her brush. "My mother would hate it."
"So," Sirius shrugs. "It's your hair, not hers. Having less hair won't make her hate you or change who you are to her. You'll always be the best McKinnon, in my opinion anyway."
Marlene looks back up at him, her brown eyes meeting his in the mirror. "Thanks, Tonks."
"No problem, McKinnon. Now, come on," he takes the brush from her hand and makes her sit on the floor in front of the mirror. "Let me sort out this absolute bird's nest. Honestly, what were you trying to achieve? You look like James!"
"Too far," Marlene gasps, feigned offence on her face.
"You're right, I apologise." He smirks and then starts to gently brush the knots out of her hair. It's so long, she keeps accidentally sitting on it, like a waterfall of liquid gold. Once he's brushed it, he grapples it all in his hands, almost failing when some of it falls out because of how much hair this bloody girl has. Then, he holds his hand out and without needing to ask, Marlene places a hairband in his palm. He ties up her hair and then starts swirling it and wrapping it around the hair back, forming a bun. When he asks for a thicker hairband, she hands him a scrunchie and he places it around the bun, finishing it. "Done." He smiles.
Marlene looks at her reflection. "It's... nice. How did you do that? I can never manage, there's too much of it."
"Patience," Sirius responds smugly, earning himself an elbow in the ribs. "And a can-do attitude." Another elbow. "Really though, you should consider getting a haircut, McKinnon. This Disney princess hair thing you've got going on just isn't you."
"Disney princess?" She tilts her head.
"Oh, no. I understand you grew up in the Wizarding World, but please don't tell me you've never watched a Disney movie." Sirius watches her expression remain unchanging in the mirror and then falls backwards onto the floor dramatically. "McKinnon, you're going to kill me."
"What is a Disney movie?" Marlene asks, moving to lie down beside Sirius. They stare up at the ceiling in her bedroom.
"Some of them are a bit... controversial, but overall they're the best animated movies ever. At least tell me you know who Mickey Mouse is."
Marlene shrugs and when Sirius lets out a wounded cry, she giggles. "I'm sorry! You'll just have to show me sometime, I guess."
"Oh, I will!" He says loudly. "You best believe I bloody will, Marls. We're going to have to start from the first, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. "
"How can a movie about Dwarfs in the snow be interesting?" Marlene questions, moving so that she is propped up on her elbow, head in her hand, staring down at Sirius.
"It's not about Dwarfs in the snow, it's about... Well, actually, the concept is a bit strange. It's a very old movie, so it's a bit sexist, but it's a classic!"
"Why would I want to watch a sexist movie about Dwarfs?"
"Because it's-"
"Don't you dare say 'because it's a classic ', Tonks," Marlene demands, pointing a finger in his face.
"Fine," Sirius replies, returning his attention to the ceiling. "Then watch it just for Dopey."
"What's a Dopey?"
Thursday - 4th January, 1973
Sirius spends the beginning of the new year with the McKinnons; they play too many game of Quidditch for Sirius to count; he spends most of his days with Marlene and Darius, who she seems to be closest to out of her three brothers. Whenever the Prewetts are over, they play Quidditch until it gets too cold and their hands grow numb. Then, they go inside and Sirius watches the way Edwin and Gideon act around each other. A true and proper couple, out to their family. Out and free to be out. They are accepted in a way Sirius would not have imagined they could be. He wishes he could tell Peter, show him that not everyone in the world will judge him for who he loves, but he knows he can't do that, not without telling him about Edwin and Gideon's relationship. He's already promised he wouldn't do that, so he won't.
Arthur and Molly visit once more during Sirius' stay, Marlene spends a lot of time by Molly's side, helping her out of her chair and bringing her glasses of water. From what Sirius has learnt, she is due any day now. He already knows Arthur and Molly will be fantastic parents.
On Thursday, his last day at the McKinnon's, Bobby offers to take Sirius back home since he is old enough to apparate. Sirius has loved his time here, it's like being at home but with many more people he can hang out with to fill up the empty parts of his day. Back home has always been a little bit lonely, but Sirius hadn't minded that isolation, not until Hogwarts. Now, he's used to being surrounded by people twenty-four/seven. He can't wait to go home though, missing his parents and Ayers, not to mention the sea itself. He will definitely be going for a swim before catching the train tomorrow morning.
Marlene hugs him goodbye, her arms wrapping gently around his neck. He hugs her carefully, he's always careful when it comes to Marlene. Their friendship literally begun and grew through the both of them needing to get away from the rest of the world. Sirius is so unbelievably happy that she finds enough comfort in him to be able to openly show her affection. She rarely speaks in school, let alone hugs anyone. Sirius feels special around Marlene McKinnon.
"I'll see you on the train," he whispers as she pulls away.
"Yeah, right," she snorts. When Sirius' head tilts in confusion, she guffaws and explains herself. "You'll likely have three boys hanging from your arms, so I doubt that very much."
"You... might have a point there," Sirius grins sheepishly. "Well, I'll definitely see you at the welcome back feast."
"See you then, Sirius," Marlene smiles and then shoves him lightly, making him take a couple of unsteady steps back. "Go on, get out of here."
Sirius' grin grows as he picks up his backpack and broom, he pulls his bag over one shoulder, and when he looks at Marlene once more, he winks. "See you, McKinnon." He goes into the little entrance in the front of the house, finding Bobby ready to take him back to Cornwall.
Before Christmas and his stay at the McKinnon's, Sirius had spent his holidays throwing the name Regulus Black into conversations about school, hoping to trip up his mum or dad. Hoping to find some sort of sign that they recognised the name, just as they had in the summer. Unfortunately, his efforts had been to no avail, his parents only nodded at the stories he told, not releasing one giveaway that they had any idea who he was talking about. When he wasn't doing this, he was focussing on the Animagus research. It's been difficult to subtly get out the books without drawing attention to what he could be attempting to do. However, it's been rather easy to find what he needs. The main goal is to get down all of the information needed and then strip it down, go through it meticulously to make sure he hasn't gotten anything wrong, hasn't missed anything that may result in them being half-animal, half-human mutants.
When he arrives back on his doorstep, he says a small goodbye to Bobby, who tells him to have a nice evening. Sirius goes in through the front door of the shop, taking in the familiar smell of just... old things. Some people may not find so much comfort in the smell of musty books and dusty snow globes and ornaments that are decades old, but Sirius does. The shop is one of his favourite places to be, behind Hogwarts and the sea.
His dad grins from his place behind the counter and instantly comes over to squeeze him into a hug. Sirius is lifted from the floor and squirms against his dad, who chuckles and lets him down.
"I need to breathe, dad," he says, brushing himself off.
"Sorry, I just missed you," Ted grins and takes Sirius' bag and broom from him, placing them both behind the counter. "Did you have a nice time? You should invite Marlene around here next time, James again too, I haven't seen that one in a while."
"It was brilliant! We played Quidditch every single day and Gideon and Fabian were there! They are the coolest people in school, dad. Marlene's house is so pretty, it's blue like the sea, did you know? And on New Year's Eve, we had a party and Marlene's older brother was so drunk, it was hilarious. Honestly, dad, you haven't lived until you've seen Bobby McKinnon drunk." His dad laughs along with him. Sirius glances around the shop, noticing how empty it is. That's not peculiar, considering the time of day. Usually, his mum keeps his dad company, though. "Where's mum?"
"She's out, seeing an old friend," his dad answers, looking away.
"What old friend?" Sirius asks.
"Oh, just someone she used to know before we left," Ted responds and Sirius knows what he means, what he didn't say. Before we ran away. It's always been a sore topic of conversation, but his parents still indulge him when he asks, not wanting him to live in mystery when he shouldn't have to.
"What's his name?"
"Alphard," and that's all Sirius gets. Alphard who, he thinks. "They've just gone out for a drink, I'm sure Andy will be back soon, she's missed you too."
"Okay," Sirius says, a little disappointed. "I'm going to take my stuff upstairs." His dad nods at him with a smile and grabs his broom and bag from behind the counter. Sirius tries his best to obscure it from view of the windows, so no Muggles look in and spot it. Then, when he's out of sight, he runs up up the tower steps to his bedroom and closes the door behind him, feeling upset, though he's not sure why.
Friday - 5th January, 1973
Sirius lunges himself at James when he enters the train compartment. They are the first two there, followed by Peter and then an exhausted-looking Remus. Lily stands behind him in the doorway, waving a quick hello to the others before she goes off to join her friends. When her eyes land on James, she blushes. Sirius had thought she'd gotten over her crush on James. Perhaps he had been mistaken.
James only clears his throat and waves awkwardly with a quick, "Hello, Lils."
Once she's gone, Sirius turns to James, eyebrows raised. James doesn't answer, but his eyes jump to Remus and then back to Sirius. So, Sirius stares at Remus instead, who doesn't even try to hide whatever James isn't telling.
"After everyone left on Christmas, James and Lily got trapped under some charmed mistletoe-"
"Okay, fine, fine ! I kissed her," James interrupts frantically. "But it was just a quick one."
"Ooh, your first kiss, how scandalous," Sirius wiggles his eyebrows and barks out a loud laugh when James sinks lower into his seat. "You could have kissed her on the cheek, you know."
"I know that," James mumbles, staring at the seats as if they are the most fascinating things he has ever seen. "I just thought it would be... nice."
"And it wasn't?" Peter asks eagerly, always one for gossip.
"That's not what I said. It was... fine, good uh- I don't know. I don't like Lily in that way, I only did it because she's nice and... I don't know, okay? I just thought, she likes me and she just deserved-"
"To have a little piece of you?" Sirius snorts and then laughs louder when James pushes him onto the floor.
"No, not in those words anyway," James frowns. "Either way, it happened and we aren't going to talk about it anymore. It's done. Don't you dare tell anyone, Sirius." He points a commanding finger in Sirius' face, who is still sat on the floor.
"Fine, I- I don't think I can make that promise, James." James half-heartedly hits Sirius upside the head, not enough to hurt, but enough to get his point across. Then, he leans back in his seat with his arms crossed and stares out the window.
The train ride feels much longer than it usually does, but Sirius doesn't mind that. He catches up with the other boys and tells them about all the prank ideas he came up with during their time away. He notices Remus is talking much less than he usually does, and he's been fiddling with the necklace Sirius gave him over the summer. He'll have to remember to ask him about that later on.
By the time they arrive at Hogwarts, the other three boys have all fallen asleep, leaving Sirius alone to watch as the lights of the castle shine into view.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
maman = mumMENTIONS:
-Alphard!! (he is literally just an older version of Sirius)
-I love Narcissa and Regulus' relationship in this omg <3
-Lucius being a good husband for once>
-Scarlett Stark <3 Barty <3 Arthur <3
-The McKinnon's and the Prewett's growing up together is so cute to me
-Sirius totally has a crush on the twins (he's so valid, they are fit)
-Andy is out with an old friend... Alphard who, indeed...Thank you so much for reading!! Have a brilliant day! See you next week xx
Chapter 24: Second Year: Magic in a World That Lacks It
Summary:
This chapter is very Remus and James' friendship heavy.
Another Quidditch match.
James returns to Potions Club.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of past child's death
-subtle tones of griefHi! Sorry for the late update, I have been very busy
Have fun reading! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
But she's too young to know this song
That was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming
Old habits die screaming
~ Taylor Swift
Monday - 8th January, 1973
Remus
Lessons start up again the following Monday, and Remus is grateful for the distraction. The halls remain cold in a hollow way, chilly enough that students wander around the corridors wearing their outdoor cloaks. The tree in the courtyard stands withered and naked, no sign of green as of yet. Remus glances at it as he waits outside of the Transfiguration classroom with his friends. Sirius and James are talking about the upcoming Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, James' voice holds a monotone quality, much like it had at the beginning of first year. Remus imagines this is because the anniversary (he hates that people call it that; 'anniversary' sounds like something you'd celebrate) of Harry's death is next week. He'll have to remember to check up on James later.
Lily remains by his side, nudging him out of his musing whenever she's noticed he isn't paying attention. She had caught onto Remus' change in behaviour quickly over the holidays, and it hadn't taken much longer for her to figure out the cause of it. Remus still doesn't understand how Lily, who had only known Marie for half a day at the time, saw what he had not seen after knowing the girl for years.
Neither of them had mentioned it when they met up with his friends more and more each day. Remus had gotten Felix to swear that he wouldn't say anything, not that Remus believed he would anyway.
On Christmas day, Remus's parents had dragged them both out of bed early to go visit Church. Remus would have much preferred a lay-in. Lily had never been to Church before, being raised in an atheist household, so she had been fascinated by the prospect of experiencing something new. Even if, much to Remus' annoyance, that fun, new experience meant getting out of bed before seven.
In the end, it had been worth it. Marie's parents had gotten her a puppy for Christmas, a very hyper golden labradoodle who barked and whined throughout the entire ceremony. Remus got to meet it after - and found out that it was actually a he and his name was Max. The tiny puppy fit easily in his arms, his soft and curly fur felt nice under Remus' fingertips. Max had liked him especially and Remus wondered to himself if he could sense the wolf behind the boy.
He is relieved they are back at Hogwarts now, a place where only Lily knows about Marie's supposed feelings. Remus... it's not that he doesn't believe it could be true, he just has a hard time comprehending it. Marie is the most alive person he has ever met. She's loud and kind and open with her affection; she is pretty too, with her classic golden hair that falls in ringlet curls naturally, and her eyes, so very blue they are almost transparent.
Remus doesn't understand how it could be true and it doesn't really matter because he has never thought about Marie in that way before. Perhaps, that had been because he believed she and Felix would end up together and live long, happy lives together in Carmarthen forever, with their perfect children and massive, white-picket-fenced house. Now, knowing the truth, Remus has that opportunity to see Marie that way. He has the ability to see if he actually does like her, the same way she might like him. It isn't that simple, though. Remus hasn't really ever liked someone in that way before, all he knows is that he does love Marie and he cares about her a lot. His heart hops around in his chest like Marie's over-excited puppy whenever she forces him into one of her rib-breaking hugs when he arrives back from Hogwarts. But that's just it, isn't it? Hogwarts. Remus is never around, except for holidays, and sometimes not even then. It wouldn't be fair on either of them. It would be strange too, to change their dynamic when they spend so much time away from each other.
That's as far as he allows his thoughts to wander. It wouldn't work and he doesn't want to risk her friendship, especially when he isn't even certain he fancies her back. Besides, he's never been bothered about having a girlfriend before, so why should he be now? He asks Lily to refrain from telling anyone about Marie, which she kindly agrees to straight away. When he then tells her he doesn't want to talk or think about it, she agrees once more, this time with a hint of reluctance.
He's gotten into the habit of playing with Sirius' necklace, subconsciously pulling it out from beneath his shirt and rolling the ball between his fingers.
Before dinner, Sirius and Peter head down to the dungeons to set up their return-to-school prank. Remus drags James into the bathroom, even with their dormitory untypically empty. James, who has now taken off his robe and tie for the day, hops into the bath and sits down inside of it. Remus shakes his head at the ridiculous sight and then joins him.
"How did Potions with Regulus go?" Remus asks, wanting to start off with the simpler questions.
"It was... fine, as good as it can be, I suppose." James runs a hand through his hair, making it stand up on end. "I think he's annoyed with me."
"How come?" Remus tilts his head.
James hesitates. "Before the holidays, I stopped going to Slughorn's Potions club. I sort of forced him to work alone."
Remus wonders briefly why Regulus would care if James wasn't there. He's always gotten the impression that Regulus isn't very fond of James. Especially him, out of all of them. He seems to loathe James as much as he does Sirius.
"I know that sounds silly because he hates us and everything, but he has been acting more pissed than normal. It's the only thing I can think of. Either that or the prank from before Christmas." A thoughtful expression crosses James' face and then he blinks it away and grins. "I guess he'll have another reason to hate us, then." Remus laughs and nods his head, remembering that right now Sirius and Peter are setting up yet another prank on the Slytherin house.
"How is working with Rosier?" James asks. He walks his fingers across the edge of the tub, pressing one of them into a spot of water that shrinks as it absorbs into his skin. Remus watches this avidly.
"He isn't bad to work with, very quiet," Remus shrugs. "Honestly, I feel bad for him. He's surrounded by Pete, Sirius and I, and Sirius is always going on about Black. Rosier keeps his mouth shut about it all, but I can tell it gets to him."
"I really hope Slughorn doesn't pair Sirius and Regulus together next year," James says. "Or ever, come to think of it."
"Yeah, they would cause a whole war," Remus chuckles. "How are you, James? I know next week is... it's going to be difficult. I'm here if you need to talk."
"I know, Remus," James replies, stiffening slightly. His fingers have stopped tracing the bath and his hand is now pressed flat against the bathtub. "Thank you, but I don't really want to talk about it. Not right now."
"Okay," he nods and then changes the subject. "McGonagall mentioned picking our options for third year today. What do you reckon you'll pick?"
"Honestly, I have no idea," James' lips quirk up slightly into a bashful smile. "I haven't really thought about it. I want to have at least one of you lot in each class, so I guess I'll wait to see what everyone else chooses. Divination sounds interesting, a bit illogical, but that might make the workload easier to handle."
"Sirius mentioned wanting to take Divination, so you could always do it with him," Remus suggests. James hums in agreement. "I don't think I would choose that, it doesn't even sound like a real subject. Care of Magical Creatures sounds interesting, but Kettleburn is a bit..."
"Overbearing?" James supplies.
"Yeah, that. Plus, I don't know how I would handle learning about werewolves and hearing everyone's opinions on them, even if they are right."
"If you mean that they are beautiful, magical creatures, then yes, they would be right." James pulls a smug face as if he's just won the world's toughest argument. Remus feels as a hot blush spreads up his cheeks.
"I don't know about that," he says quietly. "Dangerous, dark, monsterous-"
"Cool, wicked, adorable-"
"Adorable?" Remus blinks and gapes at him. "You've never even seen a proper werewolf before."
"Well, they're very much like regular wolves, aren't they? Just with longer noses and more tufted tails."
"How do you even know that?"
James shrugs simply. "Research. That and I am also fascinated by the subject of magical creatures. I think I'll take it too, that is if you do decide you're going to."
"Sirius and Peter will laugh at us. You know that, right?" Remus raises a challenging eyebrow.
"They already laugh at us," James waves him off. "Besides, anyone who takes Divination cannot judge other people's life decisions."
"You literally want to take Divination, James."
"I said what I said," James states seriously and Remus can't help the laugh that bursts out of him. "What do you think we'll all end up doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"When we're older. What jobs do we all have when you think about the future?" James asks, settling further back into the tub. Remus imagines it is an uncomfortable position, but James doesn't seem deterred by the hard surface beneath him. Instead, he closes his eyes and Remus watches his friend with fond eyes.
"I don't really think about it much." He leans his chin on his bent up knee and closes his eyes too. "What about you? What do you see in our future?"
Silence follows for long enough that Remus cracks open one eye and finds that James, eyes still closed, is smiling. In a voice so quiet, Remus has to tune into his werewolf hearing, James begins to speak again. "I think Pete will end up being one of those artists that paint magical portraits and he'll charm them to move and speak and remember, just as the real life person does. He's very good at art."
"Yeah, I can see that," Remus responds. He pictures Peter, a floppy hat on his head, overalls on that are covered in different coloured paint splatters, an easel in front of him that holds a canvas, painting away with a smile on his face and a warm flush settling on his cheeks. "What about Sirius?"
"I don't know. He says he wants to become a piscator, but I don't think it would suit him. He'd grow too easily bored. Sirius needs to do something big and wonderful, I think. Maybe he will become a curse-breaker. He's definitely reckless enough. Either that or he'll take over as the Transfiguration teacher whenever Minnie retires."
Remus hums in agreement.
"You'll definitely go far, Moony. In my head, you're either a Professor, perhaps you could work here alongside Sirius." Remus laughs at that. "Or you would be something in the Muggle world. I'm not sure what sort of jobs they have, but I imagine it would have something to do with books. Do Muggles have bookstores?"
"Yes, Muggles have bookstores."
"Ah, then you would have one of those. You would absolutely live above it too," James snorts. "Frank is going to end up playing professional Quidditch, I just know it."
"And what about you?" Remus asks, feeling sleepy from having his eyes closed for so long. He blinks them open and gazes down at where James is still lying in the same position. His expression changes, a crease forms between his eyebrows.
"I don't know," he answers eventually. "I love Potions, so I could always take over my father's company. That's always sort of been the plan. Then, there's Quidditch, which I could maybe do, if I'm good enough. They don't feel quite... right. When I picture you guys in the future, it's all so clear, but mine is fuzzy, like I forgot to put on my glasses or something. What do you see me doing?"
Remus thinks about this for a moment. Long enough for James to open his eyes and check he is still in front of him.
"I think you could be a Healer," Remus starts. "You're very good at Potions and make it your duty to look after people. You care in a way that's so- just so much, James. Also, you're easy to talk to and everyone feels comfortable around you. If you weren't a Healer, then I would say you'll end up being something you haven't begun to find yet. Something that one day you'll discover and it will just click and you'll know that's what you're supposed to do."
"That's... really nice, Remus," James stares down at the expanse of tub between them. "Thank you. A Healer. I haven't thought of that before, but you're right, it does make sense." He tilts his head to the side as if picturing it. "Maybe that's what I'll be. If not, then I can't wait to find out what I do want to be."
"Whatever it is, it'll be great," Remus says with a friendly smile.
James grins back.
Sunday - 14th January, 1973
Remus acts as James' shadow for the rest of the week, hoping to affirm comfort silently. James still grows restless when any of his friends are alone, so the boys put in the extra effort to group together. However, James and Remus spend Sunday morning in the library with Lily, hoping to finish their Transfiguration homework before Monday's lesson, leaving Peter, Frank and Sirius in the dorm.
"What do you think Peter and Sirius are doing right now?" James asks, leaning down to rest the side of his head on his crossed arms. Remus watches as Lily's cheeks grow bright red when James' elbow accidentally knocks her hand.
"Merlin, James. You saw them an hour ago, how can you already miss them?" Remus chuckles. He dips his quill in the shared inkwell on their designated study table before finishing the sentence he is midway through working on.
James attempts a shrug, which looks weird because of the position he is in. "I just hope they aren't alone wandering the castle, bored without us. You know... all alone."
"They were both still snoring away when we left the dormitory, James," Remus says, raising his eyebrows. "I'm sure if they are awake, Sirius is hounding Pete with his complaints about how we've chosen to spend our time stuck in the library with our dusty, old books, rather than be hanging out with him."
He smiles, "Yeah, you're probably right."
"You know I am."
"I'm about finished now," James pulls himself up and runs a hand through his hair, which is now sticking up even more than usual on the side he had been lying on. He starts packing away his things, Remus following suit.
"Oh, are you going?" Lily asks, smiling at Remus.
"Yeah, James misses Sirius already," Remus rolls his eyes and James shoves him gently with his elbow.
"That and Snape will be here any second, won't he? Can't have him and Moony glaring at each other across the table. One of them will likely end up jumping over the other side," James snorts.
Lily tilts her head, curious glint in her eyes. "Moony?"
"Remus."
"Where did you get Moony from?" Lily questions, eyes widening a fraction. A stream of sunlight shines through one of the stain glass windows in this section of the library, eliciting a glow to form in her green eyes.
James turns to Remus, panicked for a moment, and then blurts out, "From a song. One that he listens to a lot. Uh... what was that one called, Remus?"
"Moonage Daydream," Remus answers, almost before James has even finished his sentence. They both turn to Lily to gauge her reaction. She only nods and settles further back into her chair.
"I think I've heard of that one. Bowie, right?" She raises a ginger eyebrow.
"Yes!" James exclaims, perhaps a tad bit too loudly to be considered calm. "Do you listen to his music too?" James continues when Lily's expression shifts from curious to sceptical.
"No, but Mary and Marlene are huge fans of his music, so they have it playing in the dorm a lot."
"You guys have a record player too?" Remus stares, shocked. He hadn't even considered the idea that other people at Hogwarts would be interested in Muggle music, which is ridiculous considering how many Halfbloods and Muggleborns (even some curious Purebloods) there are.
"Yeah, Mary brought it with her first year," Lily nods and then focuses her attention on the space between James and Remus. They both turn to see what she's looking at, just in time for Lily to call, "Hey, Sev. Come over here."
Remus feels his top lip curl up in disgust against his will. He doesn't hate Snape, not like Peter and Sirius do, but he isn't fond of him either. Especially, after listening to Snape call him a Mudblood in Potions right before the Christmas holidays. He wonders what Lily would think if she heard her supposed best friend say that word. Remus would never be the one to tell her though, not unless she asked him, not unless Snape had said it about Lily herself. He knows how hard everything is for her at home with her sister and her mother who doesn't care. Snape, as rank and slimy as the git is, he's her only friend left when she goes back home for the summer. Remus would never want to be the reason she was left friendless and alone for three months of the year. Not over something so futile anyway.
"Lily," Snape says, a softness to his voice that makes Remus want to step away from him. Then, he turns his focus onto James and Remus, a small snarl curls it's way onto his lips. "Potter and Lupin. Off out, are you?"
"Yep," James replies, patting Remus on the shoulder - a silent way of telling him to move on and not make a drama of the whole thing. "See you around, Snape," he says, almost too politely for Remus' liking. "Bye, Lils!" He waves at her, grinning, and continues to nudge Remus towards the door.
They decide to drop their things off in the tower before heading off for lunch, James also wanting to check if Sirius and Peter are up or if they skipped breakfast for a few more hours of sleep.
"Lioness," James says the password to the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, after having finished his small but polite conversation with the Pink Lady. She giggles and calls him a flirt, which Remus finds sickening, considering the fact that she looks to be about fifty plus years old.
They make their way through the portrait hole and find Sirius at one of the nearby study tables, a book laid open in front of him, as he scribbles something down in a notebook to the left. His eyebrows are drawn down, eyes hard and moving from book to notebook rapidly; he looks extremely focussed.
James offers to take Remus' bag up to the dorm for him as he goes to check on Peter. Remus thanks him and makes his way over to the corner of the room Sirius has huddled himself into. One of his hands reaches up to tuck a few strands of his long, black hair behind his ear and Remus' eyes trace the movement. He watches as Sirius' feet tap underneath the table, watches the way he accidentally tickles his own nose with the feather-tip of his quill and then sneezes.
"What are you doing? Is Sirius Tonks really doing his homework the day before it's due in and not on the way to the lesson?" Remus gasps sarcastically, taking the seat opposite his friend.
Sirius looks up, eyebrows raised and smirks at him. Remus almost misses the way Sirius' hands work to close both his notebook and textbook. "Oh, you've caught me, Moony." Sirius frowns dramatically. "My bad-boy act has always been just that - an act. How thoughtless and shameful of me."
Remus laughs softly and shakes his head. "You're ridiculous."
"Says the boy who turns into a literal animal once a month," Sirius replies cheekily. If it weren't for the excited sparkle in his eyes or the grin etching it's way onto his face, Remus would have flinched. Instead, he tilts his head back and forth in a way that says, Good point.
"What were you writing about?" Remus leans closer into the table, trying to read the cover of the book still lying in front of Sirius. The notebook is now nowhere in sight.
"Just some extra Transfiguration assignment," he responds. "Human transformations, nothing too crazy."
"That sounds interesting," Remus says, falling back into his chair once again. Sirius now packs the book away into his bag. "Isn't that N.E.W.T level stuff though?"
Sirius shrugs. "Yes."
"You're ridiculous," Remus stares, amazed, at the boy across from him.
Sirius is the one to lean across the table now and Remus can't help but be drawn in by the mischief in his expression. "All the best people are," he whispers, a contagious grin stretching across his lips. He rests back into his seat just in time for James to come down the stairs leading from the boys' dorm, a groggy-looking Peter in his wake. Remus assumes he had still been asleep and James just woke him up.
At that moment, Peter yawns widely and rubs at his eyes with his knuckles, looking softer than Remus has ever seen him. Bless.
***
Tuesday - 16th January, 1973
James
James doesn't even get the chance to bury himself in his grief this year. He is pulled out of bed by Peter (shocking James enough to actually stumble out from behind his bed curtains because Peter is actually awake before seven a.m.). Then, Frank chucks him his Quidditch gear and tells him to get his backside down to the Quidditch pitch, as they've got practice today with the whole team.
Remus is the next to intervene himself between James' thoughts, offering to grab early breakfast with him and Frank before they have to go to practice. They wander down and Remus goes on about the plot of a Muggle book he's been reading. James nods, trying to keep up with Remus' quick and excited ramblings.
"Wait, hold on," James blinks harshly, not able to comprehend what he's hearing. "Are you sure this was written by a Muggle? To me, it sounds like these kids accidentally used a Portkey or walked into the floo..."
Remus huffs and goes to explain himself. "They walked through a wardrobe, James, not a fireplace. Besides, they didn't have any floo powder, nor did they burst into green flames. I'm telling you, it was written by a Muggle."
"What about the Statute of Secrecy? Do the Ministry know about this?"
James crosses his arms when Remus bends over laughing. He stomps off in the direction of the Great Hall, listening as Remus catches up with him, laughter still spilling past his lips.
"James, they don't know about the magical world. Sometimes, Muggles find magic in the Muggle world."
"But how? Why?" James asks, completely confused by the concept.
"Isn't that wonderful?" When James raises an eyebrow to show he is not understanding, Remus sighs. "They are able to find magic in a world that lacks it. I think that's a very beautiful thing."
"I suppose, but what do you mean by 'magic in a world that lacks it'? What invisible magic are these people looking at?" Remus looks as if he's about to laugh again, however he manages to stop himself at the last minute when James begins to pout, albeit childishly.
They take a seat close to the rest of the Gryffindor team, far enough away for their conversation to remain private. Frank is seated next to Darius, who is waving his arms about as he speaks to the rest of the team.
"Well, they look at things like nature and art and... I don't know, James, literally anything, and they describe how it makes them feel."
James watches Remus stab his chocolate chip pancakes with his fork and then moan at the taste. "Okay, you try it then. Describe your chocolate pancakes and tell me how they are magical." He raises an eyebrow in challenge.
Remus squints at him, as if ready to argue. He presses his fork into another bit of pancake and lifts it up into the space between them. James stares at it, feeling amused.
"Chocolate. It's sweet goodness makes me feel joy when I feel like burrowing away into my bed, which is most days. If given as a gift, it shows people both know me and care about me. If presented to me in any meal, or at any given point, I will choose it. I am loyal to my chocolate, James. She is always there for me-"
"Oh, it's a she now?"
"-during the good and the bad. Sometimes, she melts in my pocket at Church, and sometimes she is in the pastries my mam sends from home. It reminds me of Wales and mornings with my parents. It reminds me of sticky fingers in the summer with my friends from home. It reminds me of reward and warmth and-" he bites into the pancake, swallowing, "it tastes bloody fantastic."
"Wow," James nods, somewhat sarcastically. "You, Remus..."
"Yes?"
"Read way too much," James says, stifling a laugh at Remus' suddenly blank expression.
"Well, I tried to show you the beauty of the world-"
"The beauty of chocolate."
"-but I guess I cannot be the one to sway you," he sighs dramatically. "Someone will one day and it'll probably be about a sunset or a waterfall or something."
"What have you got against sunsets an waterfalls, Moony?" James questions, tilting his head.
"Nothing, but they aren't chocolate."
James can't help the burst of laughter that rips itself out from deep in his chest.
Saturday - 20th January, 1973
The day after Remus is released from the hospital wing and is told to get plenty of rest, James forces his friend out of bed to go and watch the Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw Quidditch match with him.
"Fresh air will do you some good," James argues. Remus grumbles in response.
The five Gryffindor boys group together when they get to the stands, standing close to gather some warmth. Sirius casts a warming charm, a bubble of heat surrounds them and suddenly Peter's ears don't look so pink.
"I'm going to go sit with Benji," Peter announces to the group. "To show my support and whatnot." The other four boys wave goodbye to him and James watches as Peter makes his way back through the stands, a white cloud following him from where it is so cold his breath has begun to accumulate in the air before him.
James is both here to cheer for Ravenclaw (more specifically Astro) and to get some sort of knowledge on both teams' tricks and game plays. He glances down the aisle and finds Darius and the Prewett twins, likely watching for the same reason James is. Beside him, Frank rubs his hands together and then blows into them. James extends the heating charm to him and earns a thanks in response.
Hooch steps forth onto the pitch and announces the teams, each piling out as she calls them. The blues and yellows swarm around each other, swirling as they fly, creating a tornado-like effect that appears green when they swipe past one another. James grins as Edwin's voice booms through the pitch from the spectator's box. He signals the start of the game and then player's are swooshing past, too quick for James' eyes to catch them.
One of the Hufflepuff Chasers, Casimir Burke, shoots but misses as Astro swoops in at the last available second, catching the zooming Quaffle in the crook of his elbow. James cheers and then focuses his attention on the other players. Ravenclaw are now in possession of the Quaffle; Leo Quagmire passes to Estrella something (James still hasn't managed to work out her last name), who chucks the Quaffle at the hoops, just missing hitting the Hufflepuff Keeper in the head. She scores and the blue quarter of the stands rise and yell ecstatically.
Somehow, the Ravenclaws end up with the Quaffle again, but this time when Estrella attempts to throw it in the direction of Charleigh Edgecombe, another Ravenclaw Chaser (James assumes she is one of Azalia's cousins who she doesn't speak to), it is intercepted by a Bludger sent spiralling by Remus' friend Florence Spring, one of the Hufflepuff Beaters. Archie Macmillan catches the Quaffle as it topples towards the ground and soars up, twirling his broom around and under Estrella. He pushes his arm back with force and then goes to chuck the ball- only, he doesn't and when Astro goes to intercept it, Archie takes it as an opportunity and scores.
The game goes on much like this for the next forty-five minutes, neither Seeker having spotted the Snitch yet. Stella Abbott, the Hufflepuff Seeker, has faked a dive a couple of times that has had the Ravenclaw Seeker, Lucie Roman or Royal (James isn't sure), speeding after her. Both times have been diversions.
"James, why did you wake me up for this?" Remus complains, gesturing with both hands towards the game in front of them.
"What? It's brilliant, Remus!"
"It's boring," Remus actually pouts and James can't help but laugh. "It's just the same thing, back and forth and back and forth. I could be in bed right now, but instead I am suffering and I have a migraine."
James sits down beside Remus and pats his back gently. "Sorry, mate. I just didn't want you to be alone in the dormitory."
Remus looks up at him and smiles knowingly. "It's okay, I'm just being a miserable sod."
"Yes, you are, but-" James pulls himself up and then reaches down to grab Remus, "-you don't have to be. I can make this fun for you... uh... Ooh! Okay. Do you have a bar of chocolate on you?"
Remus gives him a look that says, What do you take me for, an amateur?
"Pick a team. I'm routing for Ravenclaw."
"Fine, I'll choose the same then because I really could not care less."
James rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "Right, well, whenever they score you can have a square of chocolate. Just think of it as that little ball there," he points at it and Remus mumbles something about knowing what a Quaffle is, "as the chocolate piece and the goal is your mouth."
"What about if they catch the Snitch?" Remus asks, a hint of interest in his voice that makes James grin.
"Then you get to have a whole row."
"I could just... eat it without the sports torture," Remus shrugs.
"But where's the fun in that? With this, you can make it a game," James grins, resting his hands on his hips.
"I guess it would make this whole ordeal a little less torturous," he settles on and James tunes back into the game.
So far, Ravenclaw are on eighty points and Hufflepuff are on fifty. James imagines that is because Astro is an excellent Keeper and has probably been sending away almost every attempt from Hufflepuff to get the Quaffle past him.
"Has Hufflepuff Seeker, Stella Abbott, spotted the Snitch? She's falling into a full-on dive! Ravenclaw's Seeker, Lucie Royal, is on her tail- Abbott is lying against her broom! Woah, girl, don't fall off," Edwin calls through his microphone. James watches eagerly as the Ravenclaw Seeker tries to speed up, but he knows it's pointless hoping. Stella has a much better broom than Lucie and, were the roles reversed and Lucie were in front, Stella would probably still get ahead.
Just as James has this thought, Edwin is announcing to the entire school that Hufflepuff have won with a one-hundred and twenty point lead. Meaning... Ravenclaw is officially out for the cup this year, and the Gryffindors will be playing Hufflepuff next.
Peter is already back in the dormitory by the time the other boys arrive. James frowns as he takes in the scene before him - Peter, lying face down on his bed, arms folded beneath him. His shoulders shake and James and Sirius are across the room in a second.
"Pete? Are you okay?" Sirius asks, sitting down on one side of the bed, while James perches on the other.
Peter shakes his head. James and Sirius share a glance of concern. James, carefully, grabs Peter's shoulders and attempts to roll him over, but he fights and James lets go quickly.
"What happened?"
A muffled sound comes from where Peter's head is buried into his pillow. James furrows his eyebrows, having no idea what Peter just said. Sirius rolls his eyes and wrenches Peter up. Peter, who seems as shocked as the rest of them by Sirius' display, freezes. Sirius stares at his face, which is just out of view of James and the other two boys in the room. Then, Sirius' hands make their way up to Peter's face and he brushes his thumbs across his cheeks.
"What happened?" He repeats, softer this time.
Peter looks down and swallows. "I made a joke about Ravenclaw losing and now Benji hates me."
Sirius' eyes widen slightly and then he's sighing, "You idiot, Pete." He pulls Peter into his arms and the other boy sobs quietly. James, who is still sitting on the bed behind them, shuffles forward slightly and rests a gentle hand on Peter's back. He doesn't quite understand what the big deal is... Friends fight, right? James used to fight with Harry quite a lot.
Maybe it isn't normal because Peter seems really upset.
"He'll forgive you by tomorrow, Pete," Sirius whispers assuredly.
"Can you close the curtains?" Peter whispers, almost too quietly for James to catch. He makes eye contact with Sirius and nods, slipping off the bed carefully and waving his wand to close Sirius and Peter inside.
James goes to stand in the middle of the room with the other two boys. An awkward silence ensues until Frank says he's going to go find Alice and Azalia. Remus and James decide to leave too. They end up wandering around the grounds, suffering a bit from the crisp weather.
"Do you know if Pete's nearly done designing the map yet?" James asks, not wanting to talk about what just happened. It would feel too rude, like talking behind Pete's back.
"I think he said he's done almost three quarters of the castle. So, it will probably take another couple of months. He's doing it in so much detail, it's looks brilliant so far," Remus replies, glancing out at the lake. The mountains stand tall, snow-peaked and beautiful, reflected in the water of the Black Lake.
"I can't wait to see it when it's finished," James grins. "Then, all we have to do is add the..."
"Homunculus Charm," Remus supplies.
"Yeah, that. On every single student and teacher in the castle."
"We'll have to start making a list," Remus snorts.
"A long list."
"We should add Mrs Norris, just so she doesn't get in the way of any pranks. Maybe Ayers too, in case he ever gets lost."
"That's a good idea," James nods. "Ooh! We should make it so you can't summon it too, so if it's in our hand, a professor can't try and steal it from us."
"Yes! Also, about the whole tracking everyone thing, I had an idea. Not that it will ever happen, but just in case the map is ever stolen and someone manages to crack it, we should have it so that our names don't appear on it. Then, we still won't be caught if we're out of bed. Only the four of us can see the four of us," Remus explains. "I'm not quite sure how to do it yet, I need to figure out the logistics."
"I like that idea." James follows Remus' gaze and stares out at the great expanse in front of them. "I really hope Peter is okay."
"I'm sure he will be," Remus says, sending James a reassuring smile. "He just really cares about Benji."
James frowns at the way Remus says that. It sounded as if he'd been insinuating... but surely not. He shakes his head, escaping that thought process, and looks back out at the dark lake. They stand there for a little while longer, James focussing on the ripples of the water, trying his best to empty his mind.
Sunday - 21st January, 1973
James stops right outside the entrance to Professor Slughorn's classroom. He digs his fingernails into his palms, suddenly unbearably anxious. He hasn't returned to Potions club yet, the very thought of it has turned his stomach. But he's missed it. He really has. So, inhaling deeply without allowing himself to release the breath, James steps into the almost full room.
Slughorn greets him and James sends a smile his way. Then, knowing it's inevitable, he starts forward toward his usual table. He only exhales when he can't help it. Regulus is sat at the same table he had been a month ago, hair perfectly curled and framing his jaw, which has begun to lose it's baby-pudge a bit. His face is blank, no trace of dislike or hatred as far as the eye can see. He's writing something down on a long piece of parchment, and James watches as he slowly mouths the words as he writes. It's almost inscrutable, but James thinks he's mouthing different Potions ingredients- which, okay, would make sense. They are in Potions club.
He takes his regular seat, too afraid to turn to the other boy and gauge his reaction.
"You're back."
James does turn. Immediately. Because... he doesn't have an excuse. He can't help it. He's surprised Regulus is even talking to him.
"I'm back."
"That's unfortunate for me," Regulus says, training his blue eyes on James and James isn't sure how he ever though they were grey. They are so, so blue, especially with the glow from the lake shining onto them through the dungeon's windows.
James clears his throat and stares down at the desk in front of him. "It's fortunate for me."
"Pardon?" Regulus questions sharply.
"Nothing," James responds, trying to hide his grin. He's missed the banter, a little bit. Yes, they are Potions partners in class, but they don't get much of a chance to talk in class. Especially, with Sirius glaring at Regulus from the other side of the room.
"Well, you better not have forgotten how to brew, otherwise you can leave."
"I can't just leave," James glances back over at him.
"Yes, you can. The door is right over there." Regulus points over at the entrance to the classroom without removing his eyes from James' face.
"What I meant," James emphasises that word with a hand gesture, "was I can't just leave you to do all the fun brewing alone. I would miss out and that just isn't fair."
"Well, life isn't fair." Regulus moves his attention back to his parchment with a small shrug.
"What did I even miss?"
Regulus sighs as if James has just asked him to offer up his entire week and dedicate it to James. He is almost tempted to do just that to see Regulus' reaction. "We've moved on from doing Potions on the syllabuses, now we're moving onto creating Potions including whatever ingredient Slughorn gives each group. The best wins, surprise surprise, his approval."
James bites down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing at the flat sarcasm in Regulus' voice. "Okay, what ingredient do we have?"
Regulus rolls his eyes, seemingly resigned, and shifts his parchment over to James. He runs his eyes across it and finds it's a list of Potions, ranked easiest to hardest to brew. Then, ranked most useful to useless. Finally, they are ordered based on how many rare ingredients are used in it.
"We got Fluxweed."
"Pulled at the full moon?" James asks offhandedly, an instinct.
"Yes, so I was thinking-"
"Polyjuice Potion?" James finishes for him.
"Precisely. The only problem is it takes a month to brew and that's how much time we have, so if it goes wrong..."
"It won't," James announces confidently. "I believe in us. Come on, Reg, we can do this. Let's get started."
"Don't call me that," he grumbles.
James beams. "You get the ingredients, I'll get the cauldron."
Regulus' jaw tenses and James hopes it means he is trying to subdue a smile. He has missed their little routine, more than he would like to admit.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
mam = mum (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-I had to use a ttpd quote, especially one from The Black Dog (it's just that good!)
-I want a golden labradoodle called Max
-look at them, sitting in a bathtub, talking about their futures, so young and naïve :)
-Sirius is fucking adorable, guys. omg <33
-little splash of wolfstar and jegulus in this chapter because I have MISSED. THEM.
-Remus 🤝 Chocolate
-Peter and Benji are so precious <3I hope that was all okay! Again, sorry for the late post. I appreciate all of you though and we are now at 7.8K views!! Oh my- I can't believe it! I love you all mwah
Chapter 25: Second Year: I Probably Would Have Run Away
Summary:
Regulus makes two (?) new friends.
Sirius talks to Benji.
Lily Evans almost gives Sirius a heart attack.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of past child's death (myrtle)
-brief mention of child abuse (leaving a kid without food and "wounds")Happy reading! <3
WE'VE OFFICIALLY HIT 200K WORDS - that's so crazy omg
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And I was runnin' far away
Would I run off the world someday?
Nobody knows, nobody knows
~ Aurora
Thursday - 1st February, 1973
Regulus
After the holidays, Barty came back to school in a much better mood than he had left with. Regulus learnt quickly that this was the result of his father blatantly ignoring him, which was better than Barty being the centre of that man's attention. He'd spent most of the holidays with Alice, and when he wasn't with her he was entertained by his house-elf - Winky.
Regulus' concerns about his friends had been all for naught, much to his immense relief. Pandora had gotten the Jobberknoll she wanted for Christmas from her father. Evan had assured both Regulus and Barty that neither of the twins had done anything to set off their father's anger, so Christmas had rolled past as joyful as it could have in the Rosier household.
Regulus, though he had avoided punishment, is still disappointed over the useless two weeks he spent away from Hogwarts. There never was another chance to talk to Alphard, to catch him in a lie, were he to tell any. Regulus remained completely in the dark of their family secret, and he is sure Alphard would have held the answers he's been looking for all year. Unfortunately, Regulus' mother always lurked wherever Alphard happened to be. Sometimes, his uncle left for hours at a time and would return less miserable than he had been when he left.
It doesn't matter now. Alphard left the day after New Year's day and Regulus hasn't heard from him since.
The first month back at school passed speedily, in a gust of icy wind and cold castle corridors, until February finally presented itself, bringing along hints of sunshine, not yet warm enough to permit students not to wear their robes inside but enough to brighten up the days. Regulus thinks, before he went to Hogwarts, he used to enjoy the chillier months, but now he is used to cosy heating charms and snuggly, crocheted blankets made by Pandora, one each for Regulus, Evan, Barty, and Dorcas for when the dungeons grew unbearably cold. Being back at Grimmauld Place only made him hate his childhood home even more; it felt like growing up in a coffin, trapped and alone - and Regulus had been buried alive all that time without even knowing it.
Being back at Hogwarts feels like breathing in fresh air for the first time, where his lungs had always been filled with soil before. It's the lick of warmth on his skin from the common room's fireplace and the charming giggle that bounces off the walls of the dormitory whenever the girls come by for a visit.
Regulus dreads summer now, the museum being his only solace when he does, inevitably, return to Knightsbridge.
They are sat at breakfast, Regulus is beside Pandora who has snuck her way back over to the Slytherin table. Evan is sat on her other side, whilst Barty and Dorcas lean in close to the table, sitting across from them. Pandora has her fingers to her temples, eyes closed and brows furrowed thoughtfully. Evan and Regulus share a glance over her head and have to hide their mouths behind the palms of their hands, lest they laugh and ruin the whole visage Pandora has managed to upkeep over the last year.
When she does suddenly open her eyes, there's a dramatic image of wisdom in them, the ocean-blue colour of them illuminate almost unnaturally.
"Blueberry muffin," she calls, pointing to the tray of muffins now floating past their heads. Dorcas frantically plucks one for herself before the tray is out of reach and then lets out a sigh of relief when she bites down into it.
"You were right," she hums, swallowing, "this is exactly what I wanted."
"I know," Pandora shrugs smugly.
Regulus can't help the way his mouth opens in silent laughter. He is shocked that Pandora has tricked Dorcas into believing this for so long. As much as Pandora does know and see, she has admitted to Regulus in the past that her powers do not extend to that of Dorcas Meadowes' eating habits. Still, it's the only way to prevent her from creating the atrocity (as he had named it over a year ago), which is where she puts every option together and then eats it to decide what she fancies that day. Regulus feels a shudder ripple up his spine at the mere memory of it.
"Do me, do me !" Barty yells, jumping on his seat. Pandora only needs to look at him before declaring he should eat beans on toast and Barty gapes at her in awe. "That's exactly what I was thinking!" He grabs a plate of buttered toast and then starts pouring beans all over it.
At that moment, hoots echo throughout the hall; packages and curled up newspapers rain down atop of students' breakfasts. Regulus shrinks at the sight of a Black family owl, relieved it doesn't appear to be a howler. After the one he got last year, he has tried his best not to experience that particular form of public embarrassment ever again.
He rips open the envelope rather inelegantly, after having caught it before it landed in Barty's beans. The letter slips open easily as it falls out and he is immediately met with his mother's absurdly neat handwriting.
Mister R. A. Black.,
I assume you are exceeding in your studies and that your behaviour record continues to be exceptional. If I hear you have done anything to blemish the reputation I have been building for you since the day you were born, the consequences will be severe.
You are required to spend at least half a day each weekend with Scarlett Stark from now until summer. You are not needed back home over Easter and are allowed to stay at Hogwarts for the remainder of the school year. I will know if you disobey me and so will Scarlett's parents, as I am sure they have apprised her on the situation. In addition to this request, I expect you to act politely and present yourself in nothing less than a respectful manner. As the Black heir, it is vital you are obedient, Regulus. Do not disappoint me.
Mrs W. I. Black.
Regulus scrunches up the piece of parchment angrily in his hand, stuffing it pre-emptively in his pocket before Pandora decides to read it over his shoulder. He hasn't told any of his friends about his mother's maddening plan to force him into an arranged marriage already. In all honesty, Regulus has barely spared more than a single thought on Scarlett, not since Christmas Eve.
Glancing down the table, he finds her, expression carefully concentrated into something resembling indifference. However, he can see the way her mouth curls with disgust at the very corners of her lips, her eyes spark with hatred. She turns to him, as if sensing his eyes on her, and raises an eyebrow before gesturing towards the double doors at the other end of the hall with a small jerk of her head.
Regulus looks away, tuning back into the conversation his friends are all having. Making a quick excuse about having to check on his Potion for Potions club, he waves a goodbye and marches out of the hall. Scarlett is already waiting outside, leaning against the wall beside the doors, arms crossed. Her hair is tied back into a long Dutch braid today, making her look frighteningly fierce. Regulus hasn't known her for long, in fact he doesn't know her at all, but he can tell she isn't someone he would want to cross.
They stroll through the corridor and out into the empty courtyard, the rest of the school are still in the Great Hall. Scarlett sits down under the lone tree and Regulus follows her, crossing his legs below himself just as she does. She pulls a crumpled piece of paper from the pocket of her green Slytherin robes and passes it to him. Scanning his eyes over it, Regulus finds it is almost identical to the one he had just received from his mother, except this one had been sent by Scarlett's mother and she seems to at least have the decency not to threaten her daughter through a letter.
Regulus hands it back to her once he's finished and sighs.
"What was it you said on Christmas Eve?" Regulus asks tonelessly, staring at the plain, stone wall of the castle. "We could use this to benefit the both of us."
"I am not willing to share my excuse for why I am not particularly inclined to marry you," Scarlett states clearly, patting down her skirt. Regulus notices how mature she sounds when she speaks, he hopes he sounds just so. Never has he ever been self-conscious about his own vocabulary, but Scarlett seems to have that peculiar effect on him. He isn't fond of it. "I meant what I said, we could use this to benefit the both of us."
"How?"
Scarlett is biting the inside of her cheek when Regulus turns his gaze back to her. She's staring him up and down as if sizing him up. For what, he isn't sure.
"I am not keen on the idea of being forced into an arranged marriage and it is clear neither are you." It's not really a question, but Regulus finds himself nodding anyway. "So, how about we pretend we are satisfied for now? At least, until our parents are satiated. Then, when we are able to make our own decisions," her voice picks up an edgy tone, "we go our separate ways."
"We would be each other's covers?" Regulus raises an eyebrow, not convinced. His mother is insane, she would find a way to figure it all out eventually.
"Yes. We would still have to concur with our parents set rules if we are to retain this façade." Her eyes finally settle on his face, burning into his. Regulus almost flinches under the fire glimmering in her irises. He wonders if he's imagined those. Then, she does something he doesn't expect - she smiles. "We might have to become friends. Unlikely, I'm sure, but necessary."
Standing up, Scarlett brushes a leaf off the back of her robe and then reaches a hand out for Regulus to take. He allows her to pull him up and then, when their hands part, she holds hers out again. Regulus stares at it for a moment and then up at her face. One of her dark eyebrows rises almost to her hairline. Not knowing what else to do, Regulus brings his own hand forward and connects it with hers, shaking on it.
That night, Regulus journeys up to the astronomy tower at around one o'clock in the morning, just as he does every other night. It takes at least twenty minutes for him to get all the way to the top from the dungeons, but he doesn't mind. The walk back usually helps to provoke his tiredness and by the time he returns to his bed, he's already half asleep.
Ever since the Christmas holidays ended, Regulus had brought with him the lighter (which he had found out the name of, thanks to Barty) that Barty had gifted him for Christmas. Regulus was right, Muggles created it. Barty had been just as confused behind the how, but was as equally fascinated by it as Regulus. He remembers the night they returned, when Evan had found the sunglasses Alphard had given him for Christmas. He'd put them on and looked downright ridiculous, the glasses far too big for his head. Then, Barty had stolen them from his friend's face and put them on himself. Regulus had to admit, they suited Barty much more.
Tonight, he stargazes for the first time in months. It's been too overcast ever since Autumn rolled in, followed swiftly by a relentlessly snowy winter. Regulus hasn't been able to spot the stars for ages. Now that he can, he sort of hates that his eyes snag on the brightest star in the sky first. Astronomy has always been a comfort for him, something he can find himself in (literally). Up there, the stars don't hate each other, they don't fight. His family, each named after a star (except Narcissa), all remain together, shining in unison, rather than dimming each other's light as they do in real life.
Now, all he can see when he looks up at the sky, his eyes instantly magnetising to the loudest and most brightest star up there, is a boy who finds it amusing to tick Regulus off.
Growing tired of the sky, he settles more closely into the bar below him, arms folded with his head resting on them. He glimpses out at the crowd of trees so dangerously close, yet so out of reach. His mind roams back to when Remus Lupin had showed up in class one day with his face scarred, and the rumours that followed, claiming he had been attacked by some creature from inside that forest. What could be in there that so desperately wanted to claw at a child? Then he scares himself by thinking, Is it still in there? Waiting... just waiting on the edge for another innocent child to wander along, oblivious to the predator luring only a few feet away...
On his way back to the dungeons, Regulus is cornered by a voice growing closer and closer to where he is. Acting on instinct, without truly thinking about where he is, Regulus pushes his way through the first door he finds and closes it quickly but soundlessly behind him. He leans his ear against the door, waiting for the voices to pass. He can't quite figure out who they are coming from, but they are definitely students.
Once he is certain they have passed, he leans away from the door of whatever place he has locked himself inside of. When he turns around, he discovers he is inside a bathroom, not one he has seen before. In fact, Regulus is positive he has accidentally snuck into one of the girls' bathrooms, only... there are cobwebs that seem to have a deeper relationship with the toilet stalls than Regulus does with his own mother. Not only that, but the taps look rusty and unused and the floor tiles are slicked in a thin layer of water.
Regulus moves over to where the sinks are and tries to turn one of the taps but finds that it does not release any water. Perhaps, it is abandoned. Why would it still be here though if that were true?
He notices some strange engraving on the edge of the tap, a bulging piece of etched metal, long and serpentine-
"What are you doing in here?" A whiny voice echoes from somewhere above. When Regulus turns on his heel, slipper-socks sliding across the damp surface of the floor, he has to balance himself against the edge of the sinks to reclaim his footing. Still, throughout this small chaos, his eyes stay latched on the u-bend window above the toilet cubicles where, legs dangling childishly, a young girl-ghost sits watching him curiously.
"Sorry!" Regulus whispers frantically. "I didn't mean to interrupt you, I can go-"
The ghost's face contorts into an open look of horror, a pained howl fights out past her lips which are wide and open and stretched in the most tragic-looking grimace.
"Of course, you would leave me all alone too! You're a boy, you shouldn't even be in here! Still, I thought- I don't know why I thought-" She cries again, tears pouring endlessly down her cheeks. Regulus didn't know ghosts had the ability to cry, but then it does look like this ghost in particular exists merely for that activity.
"I didn't mean that," Regulus calls, trying to remain quiet. He doesn't want Filch to hear this ghost's shrieks and then catch him out of bed. "I only meant... I don't want to get caught. If I am here, for you that is, no one can know."
The ghost's cries cut off almost robotically, as if they had been fake all along, like someone had just come along and turned off a tap. A blueish mark tinges her colourless cheeks and Regulus assumes this means she is blushing. Round glasses frame her haunted, grey eyes, her hair is drawn up into two pigtails. Regulus thinks she must only be eleven or twelve, his age when she died.
"You mean, you are here to see me?" She asks, fingers finding the tips of her hair before twirling strands of it around them. She tilts her head.
"Yes, I heard your... crying and I thought you must be lonely," he lies. It makes him feel terrible, especially since she clearly died very young and is easily manipulated apparently. However, her emotions seem rather temperamental and that could cause trouble for him. So, he continues to lie. "What's your name? If you want us to be friends, I have to know your name."
"Oh," she giggles and somehow it still manages to sound like she's sobbing. "Myrtle. Most people call me Moaning Myrtle. I bet Olive Hornby started that one, the horrid little-"
"That's a lovely name," Regulus grins brightly, cutting off Myrtle's incessant blubbering. "I am Regulus."
"Regulus," Myrtle whines and then, suddenly, she floats towards him. "You are very small, Regulus. Are you a first year?"
Regulus huffs, offended. "I am not small, and no, I'm a second year."
Myrtle giggles. "You look adorable when you're annoyed, Regulus."
He blanches and takes a subconscious step back from the transparent school girl. Before she is able to take notice of this (he doesn't want to set her off on a whining tangent again), he asks why he has never seen her anywhere else in the castle before. She answers this question by telling him the story of how she died, which... okay, does frighten him a bit. Myrtle died in this very toilet after watching something slither across the floor, wide eyes a murky gold, right in the spot where Regulus is standing. Slowly, he shifts away from the sinks and moves over to the wall just under the u-bend, settling down on a patch of dry floor. Myrtle floats beside him, crossing her legs and resembling one of the paintings Regulus recalls visiting in his museum - the Buddha, he thinks it was called.
Myrtle stares at him curiously through round glasses that remind Regulus suddenly of Potter. He grimaces at the thought, not wanting to compare the two. She tilts her head and Regulus wonders if he should voice his internal question - what are you looking at? Though, he wouldn't want to come off as rude or moody, not with how sensitive Myrtle evidently is.
"You look like a boy who used to visit this place a lot after I died. He had the same dark hair as you," she says, reaching out as if to ruffle his hair, only for her spectral hand to fall through his head. Smiling sadly, she retracts her hand and folds it under her right one, resting them in her lap.
"What boy would visit the girls' bathroom after someone died there?" Regulus asks and then winces. "Sorry, I didn't mean... It's just a bit- sketchy? Is it not?"
"I suppose," Myrtle shrugs, her pigtails fall over her shoulders, a bit scruffier than they had been only a few moments ago. "He never knew I was there, as I stayed out of sight. I didn't want him to be afraid of me; I enjoyed watching him." Her expression turns to one of confliction. Regulus gets the impression she had been about to say something else but decided against it at the last minute. He isn't very interested in hearing about the strange boys Myrtle used to stalk, so he doesn't bother questioning her on it.
Instead, Regulus yawns, rubbing under his eyes. Myrtle hums softly before unfolding her legs and gliding towards the exit.
"I think it's time you went to bed, Regulus." She frowns, acting like this is a tragedy for her, and perhaps it is. Regulus assumes she doesn't get many visitors; it isn't like the bathroom is kept in a suitable enough manner to attract guests.
"I think you may be right," he chuckles, sending a sleepy smile her way.
"Will you be back?" Myrtle speaks, just as Regulus is about to push the door open to leave. He turns to find her lingering behind him, eyes wide with anxiety and something close to hope. Regulus feels a pang in his heart at the expression, not finding it within himself to destroy her spirit. So, instead, he tells her he will be back and he thinks he might really mean it.
Sunday - 4th February, 1973
Potter returns to Potions club that week, just as he had last week and the one before that. They have been working on the Polyjuice potion over the past two weeks. The lacewing flies have been brewing for fourteen days, which means they only have another week to go before the potion is almost complete.
"Which one of us is going to test the potion once we're finished with it?" Potter asks as he leans over the cauldron to examine the potion's results so far. He pops the lid back on and turns to face Regulus, who bursts out laughing - against his will, may he add. Potter's lips are folded into his mouth as he tries to subdue his laugh, unsuccessfully. His glasses are completely fogged up. At the sound of Regulus laughing, James' giggles burst free.
He removes his glasses from his face and tries to clean them against his school shirt, since he did not show up in his robes today. Regulus watches his poor attempt, the glasses remain covered in now smudged moisture. With a roll of his eyes, he reaches forward and steals the glasses from the other boy's hands. Regulus uses his cloak to dry them and then hands them back, not looking at Potter, not wanting to find that friendly smile there that he presents to Regulus all too regularly and is never gifted back in form.
"I'm sure the potion is going well, so I'll be off now," Regulus murmurs, packing away his things without glancing up from the table.
"Regulus..." Potter says and Regulus finally meets his gaze once again. He raises an eyebrow but James only shakes his head, his lips curling into a polite smile. "Nothing."
"Okay, then. Bye, Potter," he calls as he walks out of the classroom, feeling eyes burning holes through the back of his head the entire way to the door.
After he drops his bag off in his dormitory, Regulus starts towards the courtyard. He and Scarlett made an agreement that they would use Sunday afternoons to meet up, as a way of satisfying their parents' pestering requests. He catches a glimpse of her silky, black hair, caught up in a knot on top of her head today.
"Good afternoon, Regulus," she greets him, not a trace of a smile anywhere near her face. "The weather is quite shit today, shall we go for a walk around the lake?"
Regulus snorts at the contradiction. "Okay."
"You know, you will have to learn how to speak more if we want to be convincing," Scarlett side-eyes him from where she is now strolling by his side. They make their way through the main corridor and then out onto the grounds, passing by the owlery.
"I don't know what to say to you. What sort of things do you like?" He tries, earning himself a snort.
"You sound like you learnt how to start conversations from a textbook." Scarlett rolls her eyes, almost fondly. "I am interested in the misunderstanding of magical creatures, the political history of house-elves and their rights, and sugar quills."
"So, you do not believe the treatment of house-elves is appropriate?"
"Absolutely not. I don't care if it is in their nature to rectify themselves through means of physical punishment for making the simple mistake of speaking when they are not supposed to. They are creatures, living beings, just as you or I. They deserve the rights they do not have."
Regulus stares at her, surprised. Other than Pandora, no other Pureblood Regulus knows has ever shown such meticulous care for the lives of house-elves. His lips quirk up into a satisfied grin. Perhaps they could be friends after all.
"I completely agree," Regulus nods and it is Scarlett's turn to appear shocked. "Oh, don't look so surprised. I may be a Black but that does not mean I am my mother. Our house-elf, Kreacher is his name, was my best friend growing up. I hate the underlying possibility that he may only tolerate me because he has been ordered to." Regulus doesn't say that if he didn't have Kreacher before attending Hogwarts, he would have had no one.
"I had the same with my house-elf, Maggie," a soft smile graces Scarlett's face, making her look prettier than she already is. "My mother freed her when I was nine, after she found Maggie had snuck me some food after being sent to bed without."
"That's terrible," Regulus frowns. "If my mother released Kreacher, I probably would have run away."
"Oh, I tried," Scarlett nods seriously, eyes widening, "but my father caught me with one leg out the window and a bag on my shoulders and coaxed me back in easily. He told me my mother would have had the Ministry after me as soon as she saw I was gone and then I would have been in more trouble than ever before. I think he was lying."
"Why is that?" They stop, now standing before the lake. Trees jut out around them, mirrored starkly in the water, like fingers reaching out to claw at them. Regulus looks away.
"My mother wouldn't have cared, she probably would have been happy if I was gone. It would have been my father who asked the Ministry to search for me. He lied to protect me from her."
Regulus ponders over that, wondering if his father could have done the same thing for him in the past when Regulus had been too young to notice. It is in his father's nature to protect him, it always has been - especially from her. He would always be the one to order Kreacher to send Regulus food after he had been left to starve in his bedroom for one day too long. Would always be the person to clean up his wounds after Walburga punished him in the drawing room. Still, his father never openly stood up to his mother and Regulus deliberates about what it would take for him to finally do such a thing, whether openly or remaining subtle and quiet. His father has always seemed to lean towards the latter.
They stay by the lake for a little bit longer, just talking, before finally returning to the castle.
***
Sunday - 4th February, 1973
Sirius
It's been two weeks since Peter spoke to Benji and Sirius, who has until now been giving Benji the benefit of the doubt, is beginning to grow increasingly annoyed with the whole situation. Peter is a wreck, convinced his friendship with Benji is over forever. Sirius has been keeping him company for the last two weeks, hoping to distract his friend, but it's all been for nothing. They share classes with Benji, who doesn't even spare Peter a glance. Sirius never sees any spite on Benji's face though, the boy always appears to be miserable, which is why Sirius is certain Benji misses Peter just as much.
James and Remus are studying in the library with Lily this afternoon. They had invited Sirius and Peter to join them but when Peter declined the offer, Sirius had too, not wanting to leave the other boy alone.
After another hour of pointless moping, Sirius manages to drag Peter out of bed and convinces him to go for a walk. He leads them to the fifth floor and into the empty study lounge. Peter, obviously confused, asks why they are there and Sirius tells him they are going to Godric's room.
"I didn't want to get caught climbing through the wall in the common room, so we're going this way. Come on."
Peter follows, hesitantly. Sirius, remembering what Remus had said all those months ago, follows the age of the carpet. He watches as it grows newer and less trodden on the further they wind through the maze of stacks. After another fifteen minutes or so, they find themselves in the strange circular area that Remus and Sirius had discovered the night they first found the secret room.
Pulling back the mat, Sirius dramatically fans out his hand, as if to present the trapdoor on the floor. Peter snorts half-heartedly before adorning his familiar frown once more. Sirius opens it to reveal a hole in the floor and allows Peter to climb down first.
They both instinctively head towards the duelling stage, as it is the place the four boys tend to sit whenever they visit this place. The last time they were down here, James and Sirius had browsed the weapons section, which was vast and holds multiple tools that neither of them had ever heard of before. Today, however, instead of exploring more of the room's secrets, Sirius and Peter sit. Peter pulls out a long, folded piece of parchment, half-covered in carefully crafted lines and curves that were drawn there. The map.
Peter has been working on the map ever since the marauders decided they would definitely be making one, since he is the only one out of the four of them that can actually draw. It's become progressively more detailed and, so far, perfectly depicts the entirety of the castle, except the West quarter.
Sirius reaches into his bag to draw out his notebook, the one filled with Animagus research. The one Remus almost saw a few weeks back. Then, he pulls out his newest read, The Mandrake Leaf and Its Uses. Since he has managed to read through every single book on becoming an Animagus, the properties of being an Animagus, and the dangers of being and/or becoming an Animagus (as well as every single book that mentioned Animagi at least once), Sirius has begun to further study each individual ingredient, so he can create the perfect image of what they need in his head. He has decided to start with the Mandrake leaf, as it is a key part of the process (as well as the longest). It just so happens that they have a Herbology lesson on Mandrakes coming up next week. If Sirius is sneaky enough, he might get the chance to steal a leaf and examine it in person.
They work together in silence, finding peace simply in each other's presence. Sirius knows Peter enjoys a distraction when he's stuck in his own head, and the map is the perfect one. That and the solitude of this hidden room will remove Peter's anxiety that comes with having to face the rest of their friends.
Sirius manages to work his way through the entire book and jot down notes in his book during the time it takes Peter to design two classrooms. Both are down in intricate detail; meticulously drawn patterns are embedded between lines, the outcome resembling a kaleidoscope - minus the colours. He pushes his things to the side and leans his elbow against his knee, holding his face in his hand.
Peter glances up, one of his blonde eyebrows raising. "Can I help you with something?"
"No, I'm just watching," Sirius flourishes his hand in a keep going gesture. Peter smiles, it's small but evident. After another minute or so, he stops again. "What now?"
"I can't do it with an audience," Peter replies grouchily. "Go play with a sword or something."
"But I want to watch your talented hands create this magical masterpiece, Petey!" Sirius calls dramatically. He adjusts his position, lying on his stomach beside Peter instead, his head now held in both of his hands. He swings his feet in the air behind him and stares up at the other boy with big eyes. "Go on, I'm waiting."
"I can't," Peter says lowly. The small curl of his mouth gives away his true mood and Sirius reaches out a finger to poke him in the cheek. Peter slaps his hand away, muttering, "Weirdo."
"How much longer do you think until it's done?" Sirius asks, legs still swinging above him.
"It should be done by end of March, early April," Peter responds honestly. "Then, we have to add the spells, so I would say we'll have it ready for third year."
"Perfect!" Sirius grins, rolling over to lie on his back. "Imagine all the pranks we'll get away with."
"We already get away with every single prank we pull," Peter counters, leaning over Sirius. This time, he lifts both his index fingers and pokes Peter's two cheeks. His face squishes up comically and Sirius can't help but chuckle. "What are you doing?"
"Admiring your face, Pete."
"Why?"
"Because you're adorable!" Sirius giggles. Peter rolls his eyes and pulls away, sighing as his eyes land on the map in his lap.
"Do you want to go back?" Sirius asks, sitting up and crossing his legs so that their knees are knocking.
"Yeah. James will get worried if we're gone for too long," Peter says, packing up the map and carefully sliding it into his own bag. Sirius watches as the melancholy expression doesn't move from Peter's face. Without thinking to ask first, Sirius reaches forward and pulls Peter's head into his chest, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy.
Peter melts into the hug, clinging to Sirius' jumper like it's his lifeline. Sirius runs a hand through the hair on top of Peter's head; it's grown longer since summer, enough for it to curl at the tips. He presses a small kiss on the crown of Peter's head before he pulls away.
Monday - 5th February, 1973
The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs disperse into the corridors as they file out of Charms. It's the same time the Ravenclaws and Slytherins walk out of History of Magic, just down the corridor. Catching a glimpse of Benji's stark, black hair, Sirius waves his friends off, telling them he'll meet them in the Great Hall once he's been to the toilet. James attempts to stay with him, but Sirius promises he will be fine. Reluctantly, James leaves with the others.
Sirius marches straight up to Benji and, despite the comically large height difference (Sirius being short for his age and Benji almost reaching Remus' height), grabs the other boy by his forearm and drags him through the crowd and into an empty classroom.
"Sirius?" Benji moves over to lean against one of the desks. His eyebrows scrunch up, confusion addles his features.
"We need to talk," Sirius says with as much intimidation as he can muster. His hands are on his hips, which probably doesn't work in his favour, but he can't seem to find the will to move them. Instead, he raises his eyebrows, waiting.
"Is this about Pete?" Suddenly, Benji's expression switches from curious to concerned. His stance spikes up, his attention completely on Sirius.
"Yes," Sirius glares at him. "I understand he upset you, but it obviously wasn't intentional. If you think Peter is like that, then you don't know him. Either make up with him or tell him you don't want to be his friend anymore because all of the silence is making him feel like shit."
Benji meets his eyes and then diverts them to the floor, guilt bleeds it's way onto his face. "I've wanted to talk to him since the very first day we stopped, but I feel ridiculous and it only got worse the longer I waited. I don't know what to say to him, Sirius. I miss him." A strange look flashes across Benji's face and then disappears too quickly for Sirius to decipher it.
"Say that," Sirius suggests, kinder this time. "He would love to hear that. He-" Sirius pauses, unsure whether he should admit this or not. "He really cares about you, Benji."
The other boy's eyes snap up to his, searching his face for something. Sirius isn't sure what.
"Okay," he settles on. Sirius doesn't know if he gave anything away, or if Benji found what he was looking for in Sirius' expression. "You should know..." Benji starts, swallowing. "I really care about him too." Benji's eyes widen ever so slightly and Sirius gets the impression he's sending him a message, a hint to something that Sirius does not understand.
"Good," Sirius claps his hands together. "I don't like being mean, but I will if you hurt Peter."
"You're a good friend, Sirius," Benji smiles slightly as he pushes himself away from the desk. "Do you think you could send Peter out of the hall? I don't want to draw any unwanted attention."
"Of course," Sirius agrees. They both shuffle out of the classroom, somewhat suspicious-looking.
When they get to the hall, Benji waits beside the wall outside the doors and Sirius makes his way over to the Gryffindor table. Peter is playing with the rim of his cup, pretending to nod along to the conversation around him. Sirius slides into the seat opposite and taps his friend on the back of the hand gently. Peter looks up from where he had been staring into space and sends him a fake smile, so small it's barely even there.
"There's someone who needs you, they're waiting outside the hall," Sirius says nonchalantly. "Something about a chocolate frog card you wanted."
"Oh, okay," Peter says, apparently grateful for the excuse to leave. He says goodbye to everyone and thanks Sirius before departing from the hall. Sirius watches eagerly as Peter walks out of the doors and carries on for a second before swiftly turning on the spot, eyes wide. His jaw clenches as his eyes follow Benji, who comes into view. He towers over Peter. Holding out a hand, Benji waits until Peter takes it and, together, they walk away. Sirius smiles.
Peter doesn't show up to lessons for the rest of the day, thoroughly worrying James. By the time dinner rolls around, James is pacing the dormitory, hands clutched in his hair. Sirius keeps reassuring him that he's fine, he's probably still with Benji, but he too has to admit he is getting worried now. They go to dinner, hoping to find him there, but he is absent still.
It's not until gone eight at night, just before the nine o'clock curfew, that Peter finally returns to the dormitory. James and Sirius both round on him immediately, asking him where he's been off to all day.
"Benji and I made up," Peter shrugs, a dopey smile on his face. "We were just wandering around."
"Merlin, you can't just-" James stops and stares widely at Peter. "Please, come and find us first if you're going to disappear for hours on end."
Peter's expression morphs to one riddled with guilt. "I'm sorry, James. I will tell you next time, I promise."
"Next time?" Sirius asks, raising an insinuating eyebrow.
"We're friends again," Peter shrugs, cheeks turning pink. "And I might be stupid, but I think he..." He turns to Remus and James, as if only just noticing they are here too. His eyes widen ever so slightly in panic and then he glances at Sirius, a question in his eyes. Sirius nods reassuringly.
Inhaling slowly, Peter's gaze falls to the floor. His words come out all in a jumble. "I have a crush on Benji. A boy- I like boys."
Sirius stares with narrowed eyes at the other two boys in the room, daring them to say one wrong thing. To Sirius' surprise, Remus bites down his bottom lip to hold back a smile. Not a teasing one. It's almost as if he has just had his suspicions revealed to him. James, however, opens his mouth like he is going to say something, but no words come. Instead, he stands silently gaping at Peter, something like anxiety in his eyes. Sirius doesn't like it.
Sensing the sudden animosity in the air, Remus speaks up. "I had a feeling but I never said anything in case I was wrong."
"So, you don't... I mean, you're okay with it then?" Peter asks, looking up from the floor to meet Remus' eyes.
"I'm not really fussed," Remus shrugs, smiling kindly. "Fancy whoever you want."
"Thank you, Remus."
"There is no need to thank me. Accepting is the bare minimum," Remus says, stepping forward and resting a hand on James' shoulder. James, who had been frozen before, jumps.
"Sorry," he speaks quietly. "Of course, we're okay with it, Peter. I think you and Benji would make a very lovely couple."
Sirius smiles, placated enough to cease narrowing his eyes at his friend. Still, there's an uncomfortable twist to James' lips that Sirius does not understand. James seems genuinely accepting of Peter, so Sirius drops it. For now.
"Well, before today I would have told you that I don't think that would be a possibility. However," Peter smirks and Sirius steps forward abruptly.
"What? Pete, I have been invested in this for almost two years, tell me."
Peter chuckles. "I don't know, it could be nothing. Just now, when he walked me to the portrait," he gestures with a pointing finger towards the door, "he hugged me, which is normal. We have hugged before. Only, it lasted for over four minutes."
"Did you count?" Remus snorts.
"That's not important," Peter says, causing the other three of them to laugh. "When we both pulled away, he was blushing. A lot. He's never blushed before, usually I'm the flustered one."
"Peter!" Sirius shrieks. "Are you telling me Benji might fancy you back?"
"...yes?"
Sirius jumps forward to hug him, cackling joyfully.
Wednesday - 7th February, 1973
Sirius can't stop laughing.
Today, they are finally doing the practical Mandrake lesson, which means all of the Gryffindors and Slytherins have to wear very, very fluffy earmuffs. That, much to Sirius' joy, includes Regulus Black. Not only does he look ridiculous wearing something so fluffy, they are too big for his head, so they look massive.
He bends over, leaning on Remus' arm to stop himself from dropping to the floor in a fit of giggles. It is only when Sprout enters the greenhouse again that he manages to control himself. She asks a few students some questions and then instructs them not to remove their earmuffs while she does a demonstration. Sprout reaches her gloved hands into the roots of a bundle of leaves and then pulls with force. A small, grubby, fat thing is birthed from the soil; it's screams are so piercing and cruel that Sirius has to press his hands over his already earmuffed ears. She plonks it in a pot opposite the original and starts sprinkling soil all over it, repotting the whining thing.
When it's their turn, James is the first to do it, getting a particularly chubby one. He frowns adoringly at it and begins to tickle it's belly before gently lying it in the second pot in front of him and lovingly gracing it with dirt. Peter does the exact opposite, wanting to get the process over as soon as possible. Remus carefully starts pulling out his Mandrake beside Sirius, who yanks his out and then subtly plucks one of it's leaves out and pockets it. When he turns back to Remus, he finds him watching him curiously. Sirius only smiles uneasily and drops his Mandrake in it's new home. As he is bedding soil atop of it, a thunk echoes from the other side of the greenhouse.
Black and Rosier are both bent over, staring at a person on the floor. Sirius assumes Crouch just passed out from the high-pitched screams bouncing off the walls. Black attempts to wake him up, pointing his wand in the collapsed boy's face and saying, "Rennervate", whilst Rosier desperately holds onto the edge of the table, laughing so hard his face has turned purple. Alice rushes over to check he is okay just as Crouch comes to.
"Do you reckon he'll be alright?" James asks, standing on his tip-toes to try and see over the other side of the table where Barty is now sitting up on the floor. Sprout has bustled over, checking on him.
"He'll be fine," Sirius says. He picks up his newly potted Mandrake, now silent thanks to the layers of dirt it's been buried in, and presents it to James. "Meet Bob."
"Why, hello there, Bob."
"Bob says hi," Sirius snorts.
"I didn't name mine," James frowns. He perks up, eyes shining. "I'll call her Emily. That's a nice name."
"Lovely name. Nice to meet you, Emily," Sirius bends over James' pot, giving it a little wave.
"You're so strange," Remus shakes his head at the both of them. Sirius and James both pout at him until he relents, rolling his eyes. "Go on then, name mine."
Saturday - 10th February, 1973
The Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff Quidditch match shoots around quicker than anyone would have expected. Benji sits with them in the stands to show his support. Sirius presumes it's also his way of showing Peter their friendship matters more to him than even Quidditch does.
Sirius is surprised to see Remus actually paying attention to the game today. He has a bar of half-eaten chocolate in his lap, which isn't unusual at all... except, he only ever seems to eat any when Gryffindor scores.
"What's that about?" Sirius asks, pointing to the chocolate.
"James came up with a way for me to reluctantly enjoy the game," Remus replies, eyes glued to the pitch even as he speaks.
"Blimey, he's worked a miracle. Just look at you, you're not looking away," Sirius barks out a loud laugh and Remus spares a second to shoot him an annoyed glance.
Sirius turns to find Lily Evans on his other side. What is it with all these Quidditch haters coming to every game?
"Lily," Sirius says, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, which she immediately shrugs off. "Shouldn't you be in the library studying or something?" She sends him a glare of irritation. "I'm just saying, you don't usually like Quidditch."
"There's nothing wrong with showing some house spirit," Lily shrugs, eyes darting back and forth between the pitch and Sirius. "Besides, I'm here to support Frank and James."
"Oh," Sirius grins mischievously. "I see."
"Don't sound so cocky, Tonks. I'm not here because... of that. I'm here because he's my friend and I want him to win."
"Whatever you say, Evans," Sirius lays his arm over her shoulders again, but Lily doesn't shove them off this time. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.
"How is your Animagus research going?" Lily asks and Sirius almost jumps back, shocked. How could she know? Had James told her? It was supposed to be a secret!
Chuckling, Lily takes her eyes off the game again and raises her eyebrows smugly. "You aren't very subtle, you know. I've seen the books you read in the common room and sometimes when you join us to study."
"You can't tell-" Sirius begins in a frantic whisper.
Lily rolls her eyes, diverting her attention back to the game. "I won't," she says quietly. "What are you even doing it for?"
"Research," Sirius shrugs. Lily pointedly raises an eyebrow and Sirius knows she isn't stupid. She never would have fallen for that. "Fine, it is for a reason. Pete, James and I are all doing it, but you can't tell anyone. It's... I can't tell you because it's a secret."
"Okay," Lily nods, agreeing. Sirius frowns, confused as to why she hadn't questioned why Remus wasn't in on it too, since the four of them usually do everything together. "I want in."
"You what ?!" Sirius flinches at his own volume, afraid Remus might now start paying attention to their conversation. Perhaps, he had already heard with his werewolf hearing? When Sirius turns around, he finds Remus still intently watching the game, the cheering of the stands so great it may have muffled Sirius and Lily's whispers.
"Come with me," Lily says, shrugging out from beneath Sirius' arm and taking his hand instead. Sirius flinches back from the touch, abruptly reminded of that terrible day in Potions when Remus had a seizure and Lily, of all people, had been the person to comfort Sirius the most. She'd taken his hand just like this then too.
He follows her through the throngs of students, hands joined so that they don't lose each other. When they get to the bottom of the stands, Lily pushes Sirius through the doors to the changing rooms and casts a silencing spell when the doors close.
"Look, Evans, you're lovely but I don't think-"
"Oh, gross. Do not even finish that sentence, Sirius Tonks," she threatens, pointing her wand in his face. He holds his hands up in surrender and she lowers her wand. "Are you doing it for Remus?"
"Doing what for Remus?" Sirius takes his eyes off her wand slowly, not quite sure she won't try and hex him.
"Becoming Animagi," she responds.
"What? Why would we do it for Remus?" Panicked, Sirius starts anxiously playing with the end of his tie. Surely, she couldn't mean...
"Don't play dumb, Sirius," Lily says without hostility, it comes out gently; a beg. "I know Remus is a werewolf."
Sirius would have denied it, were it not for the strong conviction on her face, not a trace of uncertainty. He sighs and leans back against a locker, his head hits it with a low thud.
"How long have you known?"
Lily moves to stand beside him, leaning against the next locker down. "Since the end of first year. He was on his way to the hospital wing once and collapsed down the stairs and I caught him. I took him to Madam Pomfrey. Regulus Black helped me, which was weird, but it was on the full moon and so I-"
"Black helped ? With Remus ?"
"Yes, Sirius. That's not the point of the story. Focus." Once she is sure he isn't going to interrupt again, Lily carries on with her story. "It was on the full moon and at first I didn't think anything of it but then it got me thinking... Remus is sick every single month. I hadn't been keeping track, so this could have been a coincidence, a one-off. So, I did some research in the library about Muggle illnesses, magical illnesses, all of it, and I could not find anything that matched Remus'. Ever since the beginning of this year, I've been tracking when he's been sick and it's always around the full moon."
"He's still Remus," Sirius says sharply. Lily smiles softly at him, a strange sight, she never usually acts so tenderly around Sirius.
"I know. This doesn't change anything, not for me. I also did some research on werewolves and I found out that animals could not be harmed by them. Then, I figured out what you were doing and put two and two together. Does Remus know?"
Sirius huffs, putting his hands in his pockets. "No. We aren't going to tell him either, so don't run your mouth. We don't want to get his hopes up for something that might not work."
"You're one of the smartest students in our year group, I'm sure it won't fail."
"Was that a compliment?" Sirius smirks.
"Something to sweeten you up. I want to be a part of it, Sirius. I want to help you guys, for Remus. Plus, I am also one of the smartest students in our year. It wouldn't hurt to have us both working on this," she tilts her head to the side, able to meet his eye easily because they are the same height. Sirius, not for the first time, wishes he was taller.
"You know it's illegal, right? And if we get caught, we'll be expelled, likely end up in Azkaban."
"I know," Lily nods. "I still want to."
Sirius stares into Lily's blazing, green eyes for a long time, searching for any sign of hesitation. When he doesn't find any, he nods and pushes away from the lockers. Lily does the same, an expression of blatant hope on her face.
"You can't tell anyone, not even Sni- Snape." He sends her a hard stare.
"I won't, I promise."
"Fine, then. You're in," Sirius sighs. Lily leaps forward and wraps him up in a fierce hug, shocking him. She is pulling away before Sirius gets the chance to decide if he'll even hug her back.
"Thanks, Sirius!"
"Uh, yeah. That's okay, Evans," he coughs. "We should probably go now, Quidditch won't distract Moony all day."
Lily halts her steps and snorts out a laugh. Sirius smiles bemusedly back at her. "Moony ? Seriously?"
"Very Siriusly ," Sirius smirks and Lily groans.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Scarlett Stark. That's all.
-"There are cobwebs that seem to have a deeper relationship with the toilet stalls than Regulus does with his own mother." Why is this sending me hahahahhaah
-moaning myrtle shoutout!
-Regulus, Scarlett and Hermione should run S.P.E.W.
-"Trees jut out around them, mirrored starkly in the water, like fingers reaching out to claw at them." It's giving inferi
-PETER AND SIRIUS FRIENDSHIP AHHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
-not Sirius giving Benji "the talk" as if Peter is his son (he very much is in Sirius' eyes)
-Barty would absolutely be the one to pass out in a Mandrake lesson, tell me I'm wrong, I dare you
-Remus' Mandrake child is called Cecily, by the way
-I love the slow-burn for Lily and Sirius' friendship. They're so cute when they "hate" each other; they just wanna be besties!!I hope you all have had a nice week so far, and if you haven't, have an even better weekend! <3
Chapter 26: Second Year: We're Ride or Die Kind of Boys
Summary:
Some secrets get revealed. Sort of.
James and Regulus see the results of their Polyjuice potion.
The final Quidditch game of the year.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mild bullying about someone's appearance
-scars mentioned (werewolf ones)
-shame about someone's own sexuality (brief and in the character's head)
-very brief mention of touch averse person being patted on the back without consentHi guys!! I really love this chapter. It's very fluffy!! We only have about three chapter left of second year after this one and then we'll be on third year! I have been waiting for third year for so. long. You don't understand- I am so so excited! Have fun reading x
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hit my head against the wall
Bounce back stronger than life
Ride or die, till the end
~ Sevdaliza
Wednesday - 14th February, 1973
Remus
The Marauders hadn't pulled a prank on the school as a whole since the new year began. The last one was when they put a voice in everyone's heads, but even that one had been somewhat aimed at a particular group of people. So, when Valentine's day makes it's way around the corner, Sirius suggests they use the holiday to their advantage and prank all of Hogwarts, just as they had the previous year.
It didn't take long to set up the prank the night before the holiday and hadn't even required all four of the boys. That didn't matter though, they all went anyway just for the thrill of being out after curfew.
On the morning of the fourteenth, Remus is awoken by James, who is still decked in his Quidditch robes from his early morning practice. Frank is getting changed somewhere in the background, hidden behind the curtains around his bed. Remus smiles at his friend and starts getting ready for the day, already feeling a migraine coming on. The moon is this weekend and he, predictably, is not looking forward to it.
Once James is satisfied that Remus isn't going to go back to sleep, he wakes the other two sleeping boys in the room. Sirius, who snores and mumbles in his sleep, snorts as he is ripped from his slumber and then yawns a half-intelligible, "Good morning." Peter is much more difficult in the mornings. He clutches at his cover with all four of his limbs, grumbling and groaning when James tries to pull it away. In the end, Sirius makes his way over, waving James off, telling him he stinks and needs a shower. James mumbles indignantly, sniffs his underarms, and then shuffles into the bathroom. As soon as James is out of sight, Sirius grips Peter's duvet and pulls.
Peter, the poor thing, tumbles onto the floor along with his duvet. He jumps up, eyes frightened and blonde curls ruffled, and then attempts to swat Sirius when he realises what's just happened.
"Come on, Petey-boy," Sirius calls, his hands on his hips, "Benji is waiting."
Peter rolls his eyes but Remus catches the blush that has begun to bloom across his cheeks. He starts to get dressed and is ready by the time James steps out of the bathroom, hair damp and glasses foggy, also dressed in his uniform.
"Come on!" Sirius whines, pulling James out of the bathroom doorway and flicking his wand in the direction of the bathroom, switching off the light. "I want to see how our prank went!"
"What have you lot done this year?" Frank asks exasperatedly, a hint of fondness in his tone. "I hope it isn't those stalker bubbles again."
"We would never pull a prank twice, Frank," Sirius grins, resting his arm over Frank's shoulders. "Don't worry, I'm sure you and your valentine-" he winks "-will love it."
In the common room, they meet up with the girls. Lily gravitates towards Remus and James, whilst Sirius and Frank head on over to Alice and Azalia. Peter, still overcome with sleepiness, loops one of his arms through Mary's, her other arm connected to Marlene's. Together, the Gryffindors each make their way through the portrait hole and into the seventh floor corridor.
It doesn't take long for their prank to become obvious. They pass a suit of armour on the fifth floor; it's mouth opens, standing agape as a high-pitched, opera-style voice bellows from it. A love song sprouts out and the armour begins to serenade Frank and Alice, reaching out it's steel hands to gently cup their cheeks. Frank jumps back while Alice stands entranced by the peculiar charm.
"Very creative, boys," she smirks in the Marauders' direction. "Much better than last year's. Will it happen to everyone or just- just couples?" Her cheeks flush crimson.
"Oh, just everyone who has a crush," Sirius answers her question. He leans forward, in direct view of the suit of armour, but nothing happens. It doesn't begin to serenade him, it doesn't even twitch.
"Won't that get annoying if it's happening all around the castle? For the entire day, I presume?" Mary asks, eyebrows quirking in amusement.
"Probably. If we're lucky, the teachers will be too distracted by all the racket and we'll get a day off lessons."
Lily rolls her eyes, stepping forward. Remus notices how the armour also remains starkly quiet beside her too. From beside him, he watches as a small smile flashes across James' face. He knows how awful his friend had felt when he found out Lily liked him, especially when he, unfortunately, had not returned those feelings. Luckily, they have managed to remain friends and, apparently, that has done the trick. Lily no longer fancies James.
"You shouldn't pull your silly, little pranks if it's going to affect our education. Some of us actually care about ours," she speaks, her hands on her hips in a way that strangely resembles Sirius.
Speaking of. Sirius steps forward too, a smirk hidden in the corner of her lips, his eyes full of intended provocation. "I thought you liked our plans, Evans."
Lily's eyes narrow, a calculating look falls across her face like she's thinking very carefully of what to say next. "They are all very boisterous," she settles on. "Some in an immature and unnecessary way. This is one of those."
It is Sirius' turn to roll his eyes. "Sorry to say, Lily, but you either love all of us or none of us. We're ride or die kind of boys."
As the two of them continue to bicker, the others carry on towards the Great Hall. Remus is surprised when he walks past a suit of armour and it starts to sing. His mind, suddenly riddled with confusion, starts to work rapidly through the list of people he knows. None of which he fancies. Not that he knows of. Then, it hits him.
James is right next to him. James had walked past the suit of armour at the exact same time.
James fancies someone? Who?
He quirks a curious eyebrow his way, but James pretends as if he doesn't see it. Remus doesn't voice his curiosity, not wanting to intrude. Still, he cannot prevent himself from watching James interact with people throughout the day to try and get an idea of who it could be.
Unfortunately, lessons are not cancelled for the day, much to everyone's disappointment - except Lily's, of course. Peeves, obviously taken by the prank, starts to follow students around the castle, pestering them about having a "crushy-poo ". They have double Charms in the morning; Flitwick wastes a lesson explaining the logistics behind the morning's new prank, just as he had done a few times the year prior. After break, they have double lessons with the Slytherins.
Transfiguration comes first. They all line up outside the classroom, leaning against the wall. Remus stares out at the courtyard, noticing how the lone tree out there has begun to sprout lime-green leaves. He breathes in, closing his eyes, smelling the delightfully sweet scent of spring in the air.
His peace is interrupted a moment later by the disturbingly loud singing from a nearby panoply. Cracking his eyes open to see who has fallen victim to their mischief this time, Remus is surprised to find Evan Rosier on the receiving end of it. His friends, all clearly confused about why it is only Evan affecting the armour and not the rest of them, frown.
"What did I do?" Remus hears Rosier say and he can't help but laugh at the disbelief in his voice.
"Perhaps it only targets blondes," Crouch snickers, ruffling his friend's hair. Rosier pushes him off with a gentle shove, his pale neck turning scarlet as a blush rises up to his face.
Remus doesn't catch the rest of their conversation. Peter comes running through the corridor towards them, just in time for McGonagall to allow them all inside. He breathes like a man deprived of air. They sit down in their usual seats and Peter leans towards James and Remus' table to share whatever news he has.
"Benji triggered the prank!" He whispers excitedly, face still flushed and covered in a thin layer of sweat from his sprint through the castle.
"That's great, Pete."
"Brilliant!"
"Did you tell him what it means?" Remus questions.
"Yes! Only after it happened and then he just went all red and started stuttering. That's a good sign, right?" Peter grins eagerly, legs shaking underneath the table. Sirius doesn't seem to mind the way it makes their desk shake; in fact, Sirius is sitting with the bottom of his shoes against the edge of the table as he leans backwards onto the hind legs of his chair. Only when McGonagall calls him out for it in front of the whole class, does he sit down properly.
"I think so," James says thoughtfully. "That's probably how I would react if I liked someone and they practically asked me about it."
Remus' eyebrows spike up at this comment. He turns to face James inconspicuously. "Do you like someone, James?" He speaks quietly because not once has James ever mentioned liking someone, so Remus takes this to mean it's because no one knows about it.
James' eyebrows pull together in confusion. "No," he replies, sounding honest. Except, there's something in his voice... something like uncertainty. "Why do you ask?"
"No reason," Remus responds, shrugging and turning back to the front of the classroom where McGonagall has begun to explain transfiguring objects that were once animals back into their animal forms. He wonders if James noticed the incident with the suit of armour earlier, or if he had ignored it. Maybe he doesn't know he likes someone. Or maybe, it had been intended for Remus all along. Perhaps, he doesn't know that he fancies someone.
Friday - 16th February, 1973
Their week ends with a Herbology lesson; they move on from Mandrakes, Sprout introduces them to Abyssinian Shrivelfigs. Remus and Sirius pair up to extricate the plants sap, which pours out purple like a galaxy. It spills onto their gloves and they are careful to keep it off their skin as it is a common ingredient used in Shrinking solutions and it would not do to let it sink into their skin.
Once the lesson is over and the weekend has finally fallen upon them, the boys decide to take advantage of the unusually warm weather. Other students are already lounging there when they arrive, having had the same idea. The lake glistens under the golden sunlight, sparkles bouncing along each rippling wave. Remus breathes in, enjoying the saccharine smell of the newly sprouted figs that are growing on a small patch of trees by the lake. He sheds his robes, tossing them and his bag into a pile, along with everyone else's; he will worry about finding his later. With the weather so pleasant, Remus rolls up his sleeves, only halfway up his forearms, not wanting his scars to attract too much attention.
It is times like these, times where he feels self conscious due to the tears blemishing his body, when he remembers what Sirius had said all those months ago. They are beautiful. He doesn't agree with his friend, but that doesn't mean he hadn't enjoyed hearing it. Especially from Sirius, someone who is so vain. Someone who Remus has found himself feeling unattractive in the presence of multiple times.
The memory of that day makes him shudder. He had let Sirius touch his scar- his bite mark. No one has ever touched it before, other than himself and Poppy. Even his father refuses to so much as look at it; out of shame, Remus is sure. Still, somehow he had trusted Sirius enough. Maybe that's a good thing.
Sirius, James and Peter are already lying in the grass by the time he makes his way over with Frank and Alice, the other girls had gone straight back to the castle after their lesson ended.
"You would think he'd have the decency to cover himself up in public," a familiar voice drawls from somewhere to Remus' right. "Who would want to look at that ? It's disgusting."
Cracking open an eye, Remus watches as Snape, flanked by Wilkes and Avery, strolls over. Snape openly stares at Remus' bare arms, not even trying to cover up his revulsion at the sight. Subconsciously, Remus starts pulling his sleeves back down over his forearms. He is already planning to ignore it when Sirius sits up, wand appearing in his hand, his eyes narrowed at the sallow boy now in front of them. Remus gets up too, reaching an arm out to stop Sirius from doing something stupid, as he is bound to.
Before Sirius even gets the chance to say anything, Snape is tumbling backwards. Unfortunately for him, he had been standing only a couple of feet in front of the lake. With a splash, he lands with his backside buried in the water. Wilkes and Avery scramble to help him up, half laughing and half fuming.
Remus frowns, puzzled. He stares at Snape and then looks around. All of his friends are standing behind him, only Sirius has his wand drawn, but he looks just as surprised as Remus surely does. He searches the crowd surrounding them, most of the students are laughing at Snape's expense. Eventually, Remus' eyes settle on a small group in the back, all but one with empty hands. Regulus Black and his friends are leaning against the oak tree. Regulus has his wand in his hand, a small, satisfied grin just peeking through his vacant façade. He glances away from Snape and makes eye contact with Remus.
Remus, not knowing what else to do, smiles. Small and brief. Regulus only looks away but Remus notices how the corner of his mouth quirks up ever so slightly.
Being a werewolf sucks. The moon isn't until tomorrow but Remus is already bedridden with a migraine so powerful, he thinks his skull may actually be cracking open. He wouldn't mind his lycanthropy half as much if it only ever affected him on the actual night of, rather than the two weeks surrounding the full moon.
He's lying on his bed with the curtains shut, trying to block out the rays of sunlight shining through the windows. He missed dinner but he isn't very hungry anyway. The other boys have left the dormitory to give him some peace and quiet; Remus assumes they are in the common room with the girls. Peter is probably out with Benji.
Remus wishes he could take the silence as the advantage it is and fall asleep. It's a pity he finds it impossible to sleep with such blinding pain pressing against his temples. He curls himself up into the foetal position, wrapping his arms around his duvet. He's wearing one of his "grandpa" jumpers, as Sirius has now named them. There's a sandwich on a plate sitting on the cabinet by his bedside, put there by James a couple of hours ago after he and the boys came back from dinner.
The door to the dormitory opens now, noise bustles in loudly from the common room below and Remus groans at the change. One set of footsteps enter and then the door is being closed quickly, followed by a whispered, "Sorry, Moony." The footsteps become louder as the person moves closer.
"How are you feeling?" James asks. He gently pulls back Remus' curtains enough to peer inside. Remus smiles at the sight of his bespectacled friend.
"Like someone set off a stupefy from inside my brain," he replies groggily.
James tuts. "Do you want me to get you a pain potion?"
"No, that's okay." Remus pulls himself up to a sitting position and it's enough to make him feel nauseous. He clutches his head with one hand and digs his blunt fingernails into his knee as a distraction from the original pain in his head. "They don't work on these type of headaches," Remus explains. "I could do with a distraction though. A quiet one."
James smiles and crawls into the space behind the curtains. Remus shuffles carefully over to one side of the bed, so that James won't tumble off the other. They rearrange the mountain of blankets enough for them to both be covered, and then they lean back against the headboard. Remus drops his head onto James' shoulder and squeezes his eyes shut, almost submitting to the sudden urge he has to pray to God. He hasn't felt the need to in years.
He thinks about the last time he had. He was five and he'd just experienced his first transformation. Shivering and alone on the dewy, stone floor of the basement. The scent of thick iron filling his nostrils, mixed up with sweat and a lingering sour smell of fear. His tiny hands had reached out for something- for someone, trying to grip anything. Reach and reach and nothing. He was all alone in this. Claw marks had scarred the floor and he was sure they would match the gashes he could feel all over his body. In his head, he had prayed and prayed for God to hear him, listen to him if he could. To never let this happen again. There was no lesson learnt from this, not as the Bible said. This form of suffering would not bring about a better version of himself, nor would it benefit those around him for the greater good.
No, instead, Remus was left alone. Tired and afraid, with blood matted in his hair. His own blood. Just five years old. And it did happen again. And again. And again.
He'd never wasted his time praying after that. No one could help him. Not even God; not from this.
James reaches up to scratch at Remus' scalp and he melts at the suddenly pleasant pressure as it fights against the pain. He makes a noise of agreement, telling James without words to keep doing it. He chuckles and doesn't stop.
"I've never been to your house before," James whispers out of nowhere.
"Hmm?"
"Only Lily has," he continues. "I don't want to invite myself around or anything, but I am admittedly curious."
"You should come visit in the summer. So long as you avoid the full moons, those aren't fun to be around for. My parents won't mind. You could stay for a whole week, if you want."
"Thank you," his fingers knead a little harder and Remus buries his head closer into James' shoulder. "I've never been to Wales before."
"Have you ever been out of England before?"
"Once," James muses, voice a soft lull in Remus' ear. "My father's mother moved over from Spain when she was fifteen, so half of our family is out there. She came to Hogwarts and met my grandfather. They had my father only three years later."
"That's cute. How did your parents meet?"
"In Hogwarts, just the same. They sat in the same compartment of the train and became best friends first." James' hand moves down towards Remus' neck, still kindly working out the pain. "It's a bit boring, I know."
"No, it's much better than how my parents met," Remus chuckles. "My tad found my mam running through a forest, screaming her head off. When he finally got her to calm down, she said a strange man had been chasing her. My father couldn't see any man, but he did see a Lethifold. He immediately knew what it was, being an expert in the non-human spirituous apparitions."
"What was it?"
"A boggart. Of course, my mam had no idea what a boggart was at the time because she's a muggle. After my father got rid of the thing, she asked him what he had done and he said he would only explain after they got out of the forest, since there could be more dangerous things in there. On the way back to my mam's house, my tad told her everything. He was going to obliviate her, but then when they got to her house, she asked him if he was ever going to invite her out for dinner." He smiles tiredly at the memory of his mam telling him this story when he was very young. "She was only twenty at the time and my tad was twenty-eight, so he told her it wouldn't be wise. Only, she wouldn't take no for an answer and every time she saw him in the village, she would ask him again and again. Until, one day, he agreed. It was almost a year after the boggart incident, my mam had never told anyone, not even her parents about anything that happened. Nothing about the Wizarding world. My mam fell pregnant with me only another year later, so they got married quickly."
"That is a nice story," James argues. "Personally, I'm glad your mother wouldn't take no for an answer."
"Really?" Remus tilts his head, glancing up at James. "Why is that?"
"Because if she hadn't, you wouldn't be here," he says simply, smiling.
Remus isn't sure what to say in response to that, so instead he asks, "Can you speak Spanish then?"
"Not fluently," James replies. "My dad can and he did try to teach me when I was little, but I always got distracted."
"Say something in Spanish," Remus grins, headache forgotten as he sits up straight.
"What should I say?"
"I don't know. What is the first thing that comes to your mind?"
James hums thoughtfully, his nose scrunches up as he ponders on that question. "Vamos a convertirnos en animales para ti."
"What did you say?" His voice is full of wonder and curiosity. Remus knows if Sirius finds this piece of information out, he will only get James to teach him a word a day, just as Remus has been doing for him since last year, except with Welsh.
"I hope you are feeling better," James says and Remus isn't sure if he is translating or just saying it.
"I am, thank you."
James smiles again and Remus lies back down against his side, his friend coaxing him to go to sleep.
Saturday - 17th February, 1973
Remus wakes up the next morning, his headache more subdued than it had been the night before. His cheek is pressed against something hard, not his mattress, he's sure. Blinking his eyes open slowly, Remus looks down and finds James sleeping beneath him. His glasses are still on his face, askew from the night of sleep. One of his arms are tangled in Remus' blankets, whilst the other must have made it's way around Remus' back in the night.
When Remus moves, he is suddenly very aware of how warm it is. His curtains are tightly closed and he's still in his woollen jumper from the night before. That, mixed with the half a dozen blankets and the extra body in a bed meant for one. Gently, not wanting to wake James, Remus pulls himself out from underneath the other boy's arm and wiggles himself free from the layers of blankets. He almost falls backwards out of his bedcurtains, but catches himself just before he can make a noise. He sighs with relief when he sees that he hadn't woken James up with his squirming.
Unsurprisingly, Frank is the only person up, changing into his Quidditch gear.
"Morning, Remus," he smiles cheerfully. "I can't find James anywhere. Do you know where he got off to last night?"
"Uhh..." Remus isn't sure what to say. Suddenly, the idea of having shared his bed with James sounds rather silly. Especially, considering he'd only had a headache the night before. "We were talking last night and must have fallen asleep. You can wake him if you want." Then, he wanders through into the bathroom and closes the door.
By the time Remus exits the bathroom, both James and Frank have gone to Quidditch practice. He groans, knowing it's now his job to get Sirius and Peter out of bed today. Usually, he wouldn't bother, but they have meetings with McGonagall later. They are officially choosing the subjects they will be picking up next year.
It takes a while, but after a few good prods and mattress turn-overs, Remus is able to get both Sirius and Peter out of bed and ready for the day by half past nine. Out of the four of them, Remus is the first to have his meeting, as it goes alphabetically. It's not until half past ten, scheduled just after Frank's slot. The three boys eat breakfast with the girls and only head off towards McGonagall's office when Azalia's meeting (the first of the day) comes up at ten o'clock. They find James and Frank waiting there, both with wet hair, likely from showering after an intense practice.
They go in one-by-one. While they wait, Remus finds out that Lily has chosen the exact same subjects as he has. Once, Frank's meeting is over, he and Alice and Azalia head off to the library to finish off their Transfiguration homework.
"Mr Lupin," McGonagall calls in her pinched Scottish accent.
Remus quite likes visiting McGonagall's office, it's comfy, reminding him much of his home or the Gryffindor common room. It's a bit dark, having only one window that is also covered by a blood-red, velvet curtain. Most of the furniture is made of dark mahogany, shiny in a way that makes the sunlight bounce off it, creating more light for the room.
McGonagall sits in a plush armchair, crimson like the curtains, just behind her desk. She peers at him over her rectangular glasses and offers him the seat opposite where she is sitting.
"Would you care for a biscuit, Mr Lupin?" She asks and Remus, whose appetite is heightened due to the impending moon, nods and accepts one with a small thank you.
"Please, call me Remus when we aren't in class," he says as he takes a rather large bite of his shortbread biscuit. He remembers asking the professor to do the same thing back on the first day of school, when he'd had a meeting with her about his werewolf issue.
"Of course," she folds her hands together and rests them on the surface of her desk. "Now, Remus, I assume you have some idea of which subjects you will be choosing to uptake this September."
"Yes," he replies after swallowing the last of his biscuit. McGonagall offers him another one, he accepts. "I've decided to choose three."
"Lovely, I thought as much," McGonagall says. She pulls out a piece of parchment and a quill, dipping the sharp end of the quill in a nearby inkpot. "Do you have a particular three in mind?"
"Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and Care of Magical Creatures," he lists out before munching on his new biscuit.
"Have you chosen these subjects for any reason? Is it because you have a certain career in mind for the future?" McGonagall asks. Remus is sure she is only asking because she has to, but he isn't sure how to answer. He only chose the ones that sounded interesting to him; he hasn't even begun to think about what career he may or may not choose one day.
Remus shrugs. "I chose the ones I thought would be fascinating to learn about."
"I see." She jots down something else on her parchment and Remus just sits there, eating as he waits for the professor to finish taking notes. "Right, Remus, I believe you have chosen your subjects very well, considering your strengths in other subjects. If you could send Miss Macdonald in after you, you're free to go. Thank you."
"Thanks, Min- er, Professor," Remus mumbles, avoiding McGonagall's reproachful eyes. If he isn't mistaken, her taut lips curl up into a small, fond smile as he leaves.
***
Sunday - 18th February, 1973
James
James watches his feet step on the ground, jumping over twigs, making it a game not to tread on any of them. Beside him, Harry does the same; their laughter echoes, intertwining in the air, whenever they crash into each other. He wishes it would happen more often. James has always liked being close to Harry, his first and only friend.
When the half-decayed house pokes out among the trees, announcing it's presence with the gentle lull of windchimes that are somehow still dangling from above the front of the door, they halt their game. Harry hits James' chest with the back of his hand, a signal James knows by now. Together, they sprint towards the house, racing to see who gets their first. James always used to win, until he found out that letting Harry win made his friend happy. From then on, he'd never won another race, preferring to watch the grin that would light up Harry's face at the result of him winning.
Today is no different to any other day. They are much further in the woods than they should be, but it's nothing they have not done before. Breathless, they sit down on the porch of the house, staring out at the jagged trees. The sun is high in the sky, and James is grateful that it's summer; it only means they get to stay out here longer. Harry's skin is now tanned and much more freckled than usual, the blonde in his hair that usually exists inconspicuously gleams in the few rays streaming through the leaves above.
Eventually, they grab sticks, pretending they are swords and they whack them together, grunting dramatically whenever they are hit, feigning pain. James thinks of how similar it feels to using a wand, not that he's ever been able to. Only once, when his mother allowed him to practice a simple cleaning charm with hers - there hadn't been a result, but James didn't mind. He laughs, not able to keep the thought out of his head.
"What's so funny?" Harry asks, tilting his head to the side like a dog.
"Nothing," James says, grinning. "These just... remind me of wands." He remembers something his mother had told him once, about how Muggles had their own made-up stories about wizards. He hopes he is recalling the memory correctly and isn't putting his foot in his mouth. If Harry found out about the Wizarding world because of James' stupidity, he would never forgive himself. Not that he hasn't wanted to tell his friend - he does. All the time. But his mother has warned him not to on multiple occasions, saying it would go against the Statute of Secrecy. So, he's always careful.
"Oh, yeah," Harry chuckles. " Abracadabra!" He shoots the stick in James' direction and James, who is confused by the word, pretends to be hit by some invisible spell.
They continue to play until the sun begins to sink behind a cluster of low clouds, bringing the night. Once he returns home, James watches the waning moon light up the dark sky from his window. The stars twinkle and he smiles. As much as he hates that the night means they can no longer play, he has always loved watching the stars.
James wakes up, adrenalin and exhilaration still coursing through his veins, sweat settling on his skin. So real a moment ago from running through the woods, and now... He swallows and rubs at his eyes with one hand. It's the first dream he's had of Harry all week. He is thankful it had been a more pleasant one and not one of the nightmares that sucked all tiredness from his body. Except, when he lies back down against his pillows, he can't seem to get back to sleep. He thinks about the night before when he had fallen asleep in Remus' bed by accident. He hasn't slept so well in ages.
It's a quick decision, one he doesn't really spare a second to think about. James crawls out of his own bed and tiptoes across the dormitory. When he reaches Remus' bed, he finds the curtains open, the bed gapingly empty.
The full moon.
He mentally slaps himself for forgetting. When he quietly makes his way back over to his own bed, he's momentarily startled to find Sirius' bedcurtain has been pulled to the side. Sirius' pale face stands out, distinct in the darkness orbiting through the room.
"James? Are you alright?" He whispers, loud enough for James to hear in the silence. "Has the candle gone out?"
"I think so," James says, not having noticed until now. But, yes, with a swift glance to the centre of the dormitory, he finds the candle Remus usually lights for him has burnt out.
"Oh," Sirius gets up from his bed and makes his way across the room, lighting another candle with the tip of his wand. "Are you alright?" He repeats his earlier question, eyes concerned.
"Uh," James doesn't know what to say. It's the middle of the night. He's just woken up from a dream about his dead childhood friend. He isn't sure he wants to talk about it just yet. "Not really."
"Another nightmare?"
James shakes his head. "It was a good dream, but it was about... him." There is no need for James to specify who "him" is; Sirius already knows. "I'll be fine, though."
"Do you want..." Sirius pauses, his eyebrows bend down in thought as he bites the inside of his cheek. "Do you need someone?" He eventually asks, gesturing to his own bed.
"Umm." How embarrassing. "I don't-"
"It's okay, you know. There's no shame in it." Sirius shrugs, a small smile playing at his lips. "If you don't want to, that's fine too. Whatever you want."
James glances quickly at Sirius' bed and then back at the boy in front of him. "Okay, if you're sure."
"Of course!" Sirius responds, a bit too loud. Peter groans and rolls over in his bed. James has to subdue a snort. "I love a good cuddle. Come on."
Together, they tuck into Sirius' bed, and despite his talk of cuddling, Sirius gives James enough space to feel comfortable. It's easier than it had been with Remus, who is far too tall for his own good. Sirius, on the other hand, is much smaller and therefore easier to share such a tiny bed with. They face each other and James feels his eyes droop slightly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius asks and James cracks open his eyes. "You don't have to. You said it was a good dream? I just thought... maybe it would be nice to say it out loud."
James thinks about this. Perhaps, Sirius is right, talking about it might make it a bit more bearable. "We were sword fighting with sticks..."
The next morning, James is confused to find that, once again, he is not in his own bed. It takes him a few seconds to realise where he is and how he got here. Sirius, whose hair is splayed out across the single, shared pillow like spilled ink, is lying on his back beside James. His mouth is wide open, snores emanate from it, loud and irritating. The boy's arms are splayed all about, one on his pillow above his head, and the other on top of James' torso. His legs are much the same.
He turns to check the time using the small clock on Sirius' bedside table. It's got a couple of seashells stuck to it, all white except for one red one, the largest. James smiles, reminded of his stay in Cornwall the year before. The clock tells him it's almost eight. James hasn't slept in so late for a very long time. He gives Sirius until quarter past and then shakes him awake. Even though he had done it gently, Sirius reacts like he's being mugged and punches James indirectly, hitting his jaw.
"Oh, sorry!" Sirius squeals. "I forgot you were here. Hang on, why are you waking me up? What time is it?"
"After eight," James responds and Sirius groans. "We need to go to the hospital wing, to see Moony."
Sirius immediately sits up. If there is one thing that can get Sirius Tonks out of bed in the morning, it's Remus Lupin.
After waking up Peter, they get ready and start off towards the Great Hall to grab breakfast. Sirius picks up some chocolate chip pancakes for Remus, wrapping them up in a napkin. Then, they're jogging all the way to the library, Peter with a slice of toast hanging out of his mouth and James with his glasses threatening to fall off his face. Sirius still manages to acquire some grace as he moves swiftly through the halls.
When they enter the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey refuses to allow them to visit Remus just yet, which means he's in a bad state. It's been a while since Remus had a bad moon, as far as the other three boys know anyway. Still, they wait outside the infirmary for a long time until they are let in. Remus is still asleep when they're allowed in, so they don't stay very long. Peter goes off to meet up with Benji and James has Potions club. Sirius is the only one to remain by Remus' side, adoringly brushing the unconscious boy's sweat-soaked hair off his forehead. James smiles at the sight and then wanders off to the dungeons.
When he sits down beside Regulus, he is surprised to find the other boy in a good mood. He thinks it might have something to do with their successful Polyjuice potion.
"Did you get it?"
"Yes, I told you I would, didn't I?" James waggles his eyebrows smugly. Regulus rolls his eyes.
"Are you going to tell me whose it is?" Regulus asks, not reacting to James' silly expression.
"Nope," James shakes his head vigorously. "You're going to have to wait until Slughorn tests it." Regulus huffs in response. James pulls out a vial from his bag, three single hairs sit within it. He uncorks it and tips the hairs into the cauldron on the table. He can feel Regulus' eyes on his hands, likely trying to figure out whose hair it is from the colour alone.
"Did you seriously put your own hair in there?" Regulus snorts derisively. "Honestly, how arrogant could you possibly be?"
"It isn't my hair," James says, grinning at the other boy, "but funny choice of words."
"What do you mean?"
James doesn't answer, he only shrugs and turns his attention over to Slughorn, who is now making his way around the room to test everyone's potions. Surprisingly, Regulus' leg bounces under the table the entire time, giving James a chance to point out the hypocrisy, but he doesn't. Instead, he tries to distract him by saying whatever random thing comes to his mind. Regulus does not seem to appreciate the idle conversation.
Slughorn bustles up to them not long after, since they are sat at one of the front tables. He peers over the top of the cauldron and grins proudly at the two boys. "Polyjuice potion?" James nods and Regulus offers a yes, sir. "Excellent! May I ask who I shall be turning into?"
Regulus and James look at each other; Regulus raises an expectant eyebrow and James smirks mischievously. He turns back to the professor and shakes his head. "Nope. It's a surprise."
Slughorn conjures a small goblet and James ladles out some of the potion into it. Before drinking it, Slughorn points his cup towards them in a silent cheers, and then takes a sip. His expression twists into one of disgust as he swallows it down. Then, much to everyone in the class' amusement, Slughorn shrinks down until he is Regulus' height. Black hair sprouts out from his bald, shiny head, twisting into curls. His nose is pulled inwards and morphs into a much more aristocratic-styled one, his skin pales and his eyes turn that familiar greyish-blue. For a moment, James wonders if he accidentally picked up the wrong hairs, because Slughorn almost looks exactly like Regulus. Then, the transformation finishes and Slughorn stands before them, mirroring Sirius' appearance perfectly.
"Wonderful!" Slughorn beams, his voice cracks around a prepubescent trill. Regulus, who had until then been completely silent, laughs loudly. James turns towards the noise like he can't help it. Regulus lifts up his hand to cover his mouth as he continues to fall into hysterics, his blue eyes bright. It's contagious - James begins to laugh too.
"Twenty points each!" Slughorn calls in Sirius' voice. He moves on, still in his Sirius form, and the sight of it only brings James to tears as he continues to laugh.
"How come you chose Tonks' hair?" Regulus asks, once he's finally settled down. A small smile remains on his mouth, his eyes still lit up with amusement. James revels in the way his cheeks glow bright pink.
"I knew it would make you laugh," he answers honestly. Regulus frowns curiously and James points to the Sirius-Slughorn at the back of the classroom, who has currently got an iron-tight grip on his massive trousers, attempting to keep them up. "I assume I was right?"
Regulus glances over at the Sirius-Slughorn and grins, but he tries to cover it by biting the inside of his cheeks. "You're never right, James."
He hates the bubble that grows in his chest when Regulus calls him by his first name. It feels far too nostalgic, like an old, fond memory. Not something he can still enjoy. It reminds him of the two lonely hours they spent together at the beginning of first year. It reminds him of the dream he had last night. It reminds him that he could have been friends with Regulus, if he'd only followed him. And now, more than ever, James regrets not having gone after the small boy on the train.
For the first time since joining the club, Regulus leaves with James. It's a bit strange, the way they walk in step with one another. James isn't sure if it's purposeful or if they just so happen to be going in the same direction. The silence feels poisonous, corroding at his skin; uncomfortable.
"Are you ready for the final game?" James asks, talking about the Quidditch finale. Gryffindor had won the game against Hufflepuff, which meant they would now be competing against Slytherin for the Quidditch Cup. He remembers that day vividly; it had been the day Sirius and Lily (a very unlikely duo) had confronted James and Peter, telling them Lily would also be a part of their Animagus plans. James had been too shocked to really think up any reasons for why he should detest the idea. It wasn't a safe idea, nor was it legal, but Lily had been eager to join in, so James and Peter both agreed.
"Yes. Before you start to gloat about your chances of winning, don't. I will be catching the Snitch no matter what."
"No matter what?" James asks, confused.
"Yes, that's my game. I'll try and catch it when Slytherin are up in points, so that Evan doesn't curse me in my sleep-" James laughs and Regulus stares down at the floor "-but I don't really care about the points, so long as I catch the Snitch."
"Right," James frowns. His eyes move down to Regulus' hands, which are now dressed in blue crocheted gloves, fingerless just like Quidditch ones. He gasps at the delicate beauty of them. Before he knows what he's doing, James reaches out and takes Regulus' right hand into both of his, admiring the glove closely. "Where did you get these?"
Regulus pulls away sharply, glaring at James. "Pandora made them."
"I feel like I've seen them before," James tilts his head. "Do you wear them on the pitch?"
"Yes," Regulus responds cautiously.
"Cool," James grins cheerfully. "So long as the points are in our favour," James begins, "I hope you catch your Snitch, little Seeker."
Regulus' face grows red with frustration at the nickname. He stops, just outside a blank expanse of stone wall. They stand there for a moment in silence. James doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing.
"Go away," Regulus says, waving his hand in a flicking motion.
"Rude," James sings, turning around to leave. "See you next week, little Seeker!"
Regulus grumbles something angrily in French and James grins.
Saturday - 3rd March, 1973
Darius has them practicing every other morning and evening before the final game of the year. James and Frank find themselves on the pitch whenever the Slytherins are not. It's tiring and gives them little time to complete their homework (James wonders how the fifth and seventh year students on the team are handling it, what with having to revise for their upcoming OWLs and NEWTs), but James doesn't mind. Flying has always been a source of solace for him, a way to ease his mind. So, while the lack of time to do his homework does stress him out, the flying (as contradictory as it may be) makes up for it.
James relies solely on his study sessions in the library with Remus and Lily to get his work done. Most days, he only sees Peter and Sirius at meal times or in class. However, James has noticed Peter's absence more often than not; Sirius had told him that Peter was hanging out with Benji, he still didn't know if Benji liked him or not.
When Peter had come out to the boys, James was shocked, to say the least. Honestly, the thought that Peter- That someone could be- Someone else- James had tried not to think about it. He'd meant what he said, that Peter and Benji would make a lovely couple - they would. As selfish as it may sound, James sometimes wishes Peter hadn't told them. He deserves to tell whoever he wants, which is why James will never voice that thought aloud, but it only brought to the surface those feelings James had spent the last few months trying to push down. Only, now there is no way to ignore it and James feels the boiling sense of shame festering in his stomach. He knows he shouldn't feel that way, the logical part of his brain argues there is nothing wrong with it. But there are so many other voices in his head that yell other things, and those voices are just... louder. He wishes there was a way he could silence them. Maybe there's a spell.
Whenever Peter speaks about his crush on Benji, James just pretends he is someone else. He isn't James Potter, he can be Sirius or Remus, or just someone not- Just someone not. Yes, he will be that. This way, he is able to show Peter that he truly does support him, because he does, without allowing his own issues to mar his attitude. Peter deserves better than that. So does James.
On the morning of the Quidditch game, James is just about ready to vomit. Frank already has, twice, the poor thing. They have an excellent team, absolutely marvellous, but Slytherin are still in the lead with points at the moment. They will have to play better than their best today, greater than they ever have before. James tries to remember what Regulus had said - he won't be playing for his team, not completely. So long as he gets his Snitch, he'll be happy. Perhaps that will be enough to earn them their win; the Slytherin's Seeker isn't playing for any team, he's on one of his own, playing a game just for himself. At least, Gryffindor's players are all playing for each other, and the entire house.
James nibbles at his bacon, not feeling particularly hungry. Sirius is sitting beside him, saying something about how he wishes he was on the team, but James isn't really listening. He's trying to clear his mind, to focus. His method has always been to pretend his mind has tunnel vision. It sounds stupid, but it's the main thing that works for him. The only part of his mind alert and seeing is the section that knows where the Quaffle is, where his fellow players are, and when and how to shoot the ball through the hoop. Nothing else in his mind can touch him, it's completely blurred out.
With a silent sigh, he places his fork down on his mostly-full plate of food, not able to eat anything else. He tries to at least look like he's joining in on the conversation his friends are having beside him. He doesn't think he succeeds.
James glances up, his eyes moving to the other end of the hall where the Slytherin team has gathered together along their table. His eyes immediately snag on Regulus, much smaller than the other burly people on their team. Even Rosier has grown enough to look like a fourth year from all the way over here. Regulus sits at the edges, a little bit further away than the rest, and this is done with intent. Every time Greengrass claps him on the back of the shoulder, he flinches and his jaw tightens. The only thing that seems to settle him is Pandora, who is sitting by his side as he eats his breakfast, talking about something or other. Regulus smiles softly at her and James' heart melts. Even when they had been friends for two short, sweet hours in first year, Regulus had never looked at him that way, with that much adoration. His stomach twists horribly. He's really nervous about this game.
When they finally leave the Great Hall and make their way down to the Quidditch pitch, Fabian and Gideon flank James just as they always do before and after games now. They are led to the Gryffindor's plan-of-action room, as the twins call it, by Darius. He's sweating profusely, his hair is stuck to the back of his neck and his eyes keep darting around as if a Slytherin students is hiding under one of the benches, eager to overhear their strategies.
They get a very vigorous, if not a bit scary, speech from their Captain. At the end, he says the same phrase he does every other time they play against Slytherin. "Let's go put down some snakes!"
Madam Hooch calls them onto the pitch and they walk beside the Slytherin team. James turns around to look at Regulus. He's walking with a carefree kind of grace, his face is calm and settled. Either he is brilliant at hiding his nerves (and James doesn't doubt that he is), or he has none and he is completely insane.
They glide up through the air and James watches Darius shake hands with the Slytherin Captain - Greengrass. Hooch releases the Quaffle and Frank is the first to catch it. He soars through the air, wind whipping past him and making his Quidditch robes billow powerfully behind him. James circles around a Slytherin Beater and leans in closer to his broom, gaining speed. He ends up a couple of meters in front of Frank, who tosses the Quaffle through the air and James catches it with ease. In under a minute since the game began, James scores and Gryffindor have ten points.
He grins and claps Frank's hand as he flies past, hoping to catch up with the Slytherin Chaser, Allistair Nott, and intercept his pass to Evan Rosier. Unfortunately, Rosier is too quick. He shoots up through the air, as if from nowhere, as if the wind simply just birthed him, and snatches the Quaffle mid-air, pelting it at the hoops. Luckily for Gryffindor, they have an exceptional Keeper. Skylar hits the Quaffle with the tail-end of her broom, sending it sailing towards the ground in James' direction. He plucks it out of its freefall and zooms back over to the other end of the pitch, finding Bracia - Gryffindor's third Chaser - with waiting arms. He chucks the ball at her and watches as she flies away the very moment it touches the tips of her fingers. She and Frank manage to get a second goal in together, while James waits behind for the Quaffle to be thrown back into the game. By some chance, he manages to catch it again. This time, however, Aurora Nott, one of the Slytherin Beaters, sends a Bludger hurtling his way. He swirls up and around it effortlessly as it soars by and accidentally ends up hitting Calvin Greengrass in the head instead.
"Oh, Greenie down!" Edwin's says through his microphone in the spectator's box where he is commentating the game. "I mean, tough luck for the Slytherin team! Calvin Greengrass, Slytherin's Captain and Chaser, is out of the game! I guess we'll have to see how Slytherin handles that knock to their team..." Most of the crowd chuckles at his joke, James is too busy scoring another goal to listen to much more of Edwin's commentary. He wastes a moment afterwards, looking down to see Greengrass is being escorted off the pitch on a stretcher by Madam Hooch. He doesn't manage to catch the Quaffle again. Yet.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
tad = father (Welsh)
mam = mum (Welsh)
Vamos a convertirnos en animales para ti = We are going to become animals for you (Spanish)
Sorry if any of those are wrong! I use Google translate!! Any help in the comments would be welcome!MENTIONS:
-Remus: "ooh, James has a crush? gossip"
-Evan has a crush 😏
-Regulus sticking up for Remus AHHH <33333
-Baby werewolf Remus praying to God makes me CRY.
-Remus and James :( their friendship is just so 😫
-MINNIE! I missed her tbh <3
-James and Harry :( I will never be over them
-Sirius! Platonic Prongsfoot! Sirius brushing Remus' hair of his forehead! And treating him so delicately! Just- AHHHHH <33
-Not James turning Slughorn into Sirius just because he knew it would make Regulus laugh 💀 (when Sirius found out, he thought it was hilarious too)
-"little Seeker" as a nickname will never NOT kill me.
-James pretending to be someone straight and thinking of Remus or Sirius 💀💀 Those are homosexuals too, sir!This chapter was so fun to go back over! Thank you so so much for all the kudos, comments, and just love on this fic. I appreciate you all so so much! Have an amazing week and see you next chapter x
Chapter 27: Second Year: What Will Be, Will Be
Summary:
The Quidditch Cup is won.
Some friendships are formed.
James has a birthday party.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of injury (not descriptive)Hello! This chapter is a filler and has somehow managed to reach over 9k words.. I just wanted some cutsie little friendhip moments between the characters because they are still kids <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun
~ fun.
Saturday - 3rd March, 1973
Regulus
Regulus has already spotted the Snitch three times and it's only been an hour. He made a promise to Evan that he'd let him get a few goals in first before catching it. Not only that but he wants to see if Evan can beat the number of goals James arrogant tosspot Potter scores. He watches the game sporadically, not paying particular attention to the match as a whole, only tuning in every now and then. The Gryffindor Seeker - McKinnon something or other - has been doing laps around the pitch, only just above where the rest of players are zooming about.
Regulus remains way above the game, enough to get a proper birds-eye view. He prefers to fly higher, knowing there's always a high chance that the Snitch could shoot up into the clouds and remain out of sight of anyone who has wandered too low. He makes sure that isn't a possibility.
One of the other McKinnon's commentates the game, yelling biasedly about the excellent Gryffindor Beaters and the talented Chasers. Regulus rolls his eyes. The Snitch has been out of sight for the last twenty minutes, which is irritating because he is usually amazing at spotting it wherever it is. Annoyed, he peers down at the players below. Potter has the Quaffle at the moment, which isn't surprising, he's had it held closely between his arm and his rib for most of the game. Regulus watches as he darts through the Slytherin Chasers seamlessly, avoiding the oncoming Bludgers as if they are simply pesky flies in the wind.
The Slytherin Keeper, Selwyn, is not ready for the Gryffindor, and as Potter throws the Quaffle expertly, Selwyn stutters on his broom, missing the ball by a long shot. It soars through the hoop easily. Potter grins with all his teeth, a look of pure elation, pure freedom on his face; his cheeks are bright pink and his glasses are slipping down his nose, but he doesn't take them off. He never takes them off for Quidditch anymore, not since Regulus told him he shouldn't. As soon as the Quaffle falls through the other side of the hoop, Potter is off again. Somehow, one of the other Chasers on his team, a girl Regulus does not know, catches the Quaffle, leaving it in the Gryffindors' possession once again.
Catching his eye, Potter flies up to where Regulus is hovering above the game, now that he is free of the Quaffle. He grins as he does a loop around Regulus, who tries to ignore the boy and keep his eyes on Evan. Perhaps, Potter will recognise this as a hint to go away.
"Hello, little Seeker," Potter says and he sounds much closer than Regulus thought he was. Still, he keeps his eyes away from him and does not dignify him with an reply. "I would've thought you'd have caught the Snitch by now."
Regulus' head whips around in Potter's direction angrily. His nostrils flare and he narrows his eyes at the stupid Gryffindor. Potter is, unexpectedly, upside down on his broom right now, smile still in place. His unruly hair hangs freely, looking larger than ever before, the curls falling like vines. Regulus wants to yell at him for being so ridiculous, his glasses are literally about to drop off his face. Before they can, Potter pushes them back up his nose, only for them to begin their slow descent once again.
"I promised Evan I would let him score first," he shrugs, looking Potter dead in the eye. His head is hanging only two feet away from where Regulus is sitting, whilst his broom is floating a metre or so higher than Regulus' is.
"That's nice of you," Potter replies, not condescendingly, but Regulus still reacts as if it had been said that way. He scowls and Potter actually laughs. "Just because you're in Slytherin, doesn't mean you can't be nice."
"My goodness," Regulus gasps sarcastically. "A Gryffindor saying something positive about a Slytherin. My, Potter, I am impressed."
"I was wondering which face you would show today," Potter snorts and Regulus glares at the way his eyes light up in amusement.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Potter shrugs and it looks strange from upside down, also much more difficult. "You're different. Your moods usually tend to vary based on where we are. In Potions class, you're bossy in a quiet way. In Potions club, you're bossy in a shameless way. When you're around your friends, you're indifferent. When I'm with my friends, you hate me. On the pitch, you're rude but... I don't know, not like you are when Sirius is around. Honestly, how do you not get whiplash from all the mood changes?"
Regulus scoffs, offended. "You're wrong, Potter."
"Am I?" The boy laughs again, clearly humoured by Regulus. He doesn't understand why Potter is wasting precious game time when he could be showing off in front of the entire school to talk to Regulus instead. "How so?"
"I always hate you," he responds before flying speedily to the other end of the pitch. He's spotted the Snitch and he doesn't care if the points aren't in Slytherin's favour, or even if they are. He is done talking to James Potter. He is also done with this Snitch acting so inconspicuous.
It isn't difficult for him. Seeker McKinnon follows him once he realises he's chasing after the Snitch, but Regulus' broom is better. That and he's got a head start. The Snitch flutters easily into his waiting palm. He holds up the spot of gold, presenting it to the eager crowd. Barty, Dorcas and Pandora are cheering in the stands; he grins at the sight of them. He wonders if he just won them the cup, or if he just pissed off a lot of people.
"Evan, please come out!" Pandora calls from outside the shower cubicle Evan has decided to hide inside of. Regulus knows he took his clothes with him when he went to shower over half an hour ago, but he hasn't emerged yet. The other Slytherin boys on the team keep throwing over complaints about girls being in the boys' locker room. Dorcas is beside Regulus, who hasn't bothered to even try and convince Evan to remove himself from his hiding place. He knows he is the last person his friend will want to see at this moment.
"Come on, Rosy, listen to your sister!" Barty yells, slapping at the shower curtain. It squeaks against the metal rod holding it up but doesn't open enough for them to see the boy behind it.
"Go away!" Evan shouts, his voice cracking on the last word.
Barty sighs and turns around to face the other three. "Could you guys go for a minute? I'll try and talk to him." Then, he quietly adds, "Go on to Hagrid's, we'll meet you there."
Regulus stands up immediately and heads for the exit, knowing when he isn't welcome. Dorcas follows after him quickly, looping an arm through his. It takes a bit longer for Pandora to follow after them, but eventually she does and Dorcas loops her other arm through one of Pandora's.
They wander down to the hut at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, trying their best not to draw anyone's attention. It doesn't take long before the crop of greenery and blackberry bushes growing outside of Hagrid's home come into view. Before they reach it, Regulus speaks up for the first time since the game ended.
"Do you think Barty will be able to get through to him?" He asks, not daring to move his eyes from the floor, like a coward.
"Yeah, it's just one silly match," Pandora promises, her voice holds a tone of such strong certainty that Regulus can't help but glance at her and believe every word she says. "Besides, if anyone can get him to stop crying about it, it's Barty."
"Why is that?" Dorcas asks.
Pandora shrugs and smiles in that way Regulus knows oh so well by now - like she's looking straight through all of them and seeing something they won't know about for years to come. "It's Barty."
They arrive at Hagrid's doorstep and their conversation ceases when Pandora lifts her fist to the door, knocking a little cadence against the wood. Hagrid's face appears before them, black eyes bright and cheeks a rosy-pink colour. His hair and beard are both windswept and ruffled. Regulus assumes he was at the game too; he isn't sure, he doesn't usually pay much attention to the crowd.
"'ello, you three. Er," he pokes his head out the door, looking around and then returns to his previous position. "Where're the other two?"
Pandora steps forward, passing Hagrid who watches her go, and settles down in the large armchair in the corner. "Evan is crying in the shower and Barty is trying to get him out." She grins at the half-giant and then looks down at the dog below her, now slobbering all over her clothes. "Hello, Floofy." The dog - Floofy - starts to wag his tail when Pandora scratches behind his ear, tongue lolling out one side of his mouth.
"Oh," Hagrid responds, standing awkwardly in the doorframe for a moment before collecting himself and urging Dorcas and Regulus to come in. They sit down beside Pandora, still with plenty of room free on the armchair. Floofy jumps up to sit in front of their folded up legs, splaying himself out mostly against Regulus. He rears back slowly, hands up precariously.
"He won't hurt you," Pandora smiles serenely. "Scratch behind his right ear, he likes it there."
Regulus side-eyes her and then carefully reaches down to scratch where she said. Floofy's head falls onto Dorcas' knee and his eyes droop shut, his tail wagging once again. Regulus smiles down at the animal. Peculiarly, he's enjoying the warmth.
Hagrid offers them tea and by the time they've finished their first mug, there's a knock at the door. Regulus answers it, being the closest to the door. He accidentally disturbs Floofy, who grumbles and moves to lay against Pandora and Dorcas instead. Evan and Barty are on the other side of the door. Barty pushes Evan forward with a roll of his eyes and Evan stumbles enough that Regulus has to catch him so he doesn't fall face-first though the doorway.
"Thank you," he mumbles, glaring back in Barty's direction. Barty grins innocently and saunters past them both, taking Regulus' place on the armchair. Regulus lets go of Evan and goes to turn around. Before he can, Evan reaches out to grab his arm and then drops it instantly. "Sorry. I just- I'm sorry. I know it wasn't your fault we lost, I just really wanted to win and... I'm just sorry. You're my friend and I don't want to make you feel guilty for something so," his eyes shift over to the armchair where their friends are sitting and then back to Regulus, "silly. I know you tried to let us score and you didn't have a choice. I'm just glad you grabbed the Snitch before Gryffindor did." He smiles shyly and Regulus returns it.
"You can be annoyed if you want," Regulus shrugs. "I didn't really have to catch the Snitch then, McKinnon hadn't seen it yet. Potter was just bothering me, so I acted on impulse. Sorry I lost us the game."
Evan snorts and shakes his head. "Whatever. We'll win next year." He closes the door and they both walk over to the empty space on the armchair beside Barty. "I don't understand why you let Potter get to you so much."
"I don't," Regulus argues. He is surprised when everyone else, except Hagrid, huff laughs of disbelief. "What? I don't."
"Yes, you do, Regulus." Dorcas nods, eyes serious as she speaks.
"Give me one example besides today."
"When you burnt yourself in Potions just because he said something about your height," Barty offers. Regulus is about to argue when Dorcas adds, "When he and his mates pranked us and made that ringing noise go off in your head."
"That first day on the train," Pandora says, eyes twinkling.
Regulus stares at them all, feeling strangely betrayed. It's all true, what they've said. Even if Regulus does not want to admit it; he's far too proud for that.
"I don't like any of you," Regulus folds his arms, theatrically turning his chin up at them all. "Hagrid, you're my only friend now."
"Oh, he's so dramatic," Barty cackles and Regulus leans over Evan to flick at Barty's ear. "Ouch!"
"It was just a flick."
"Well, it hurt!"
"Maybe if you weren't being such a little-"
"And this," Evan shouts over them both before Regulus is able to finish his sentence. The two boys turn to him, Regulus glares daggers. "This is an example. We simply said Potter has an effect on you and just look at how you reacted." He smirks smugly and Regulus wants to flick him next. He doesn't.
"Would you boys like some tea?" Hagrid interrupts, not having spoken until now. It breaks the tension and they all laugh while Regulus sinks lower into the chair.
It can't be true, what they're all saying. He doesn't overreact whenever Potter is involved. He doesn't care about Potter. He had lied when he said he hated him earlier. It would be impossible to hate someone like James Potter. Regulus simply has no feelings about him at all. His friends are just being ridiculous.
Only when the sun starts to sink below the horizon do they make their way back up to the castle. Pandora suggests skipping dinner and just heading down to the kitchens instead. Regulus, wanting to avoid the Gryffindors, agrees with her. The house-elves accept them gracefully and offer to make them any meal they want, which is much more than they would get if they were actually in the Great Hall.
Afterwards, they end up back in the boys' dormitory. Regulus is only glad they didn't run into Greengrass on the way. The Captain probably would have seen it as an opportunity to yell at Regulus for losing them the cup, just as he had done on the pitch earlier.
Pandora and Dorcas decide to sleep over for the night, not wanting to go back to their own dorm rooms. Regulus thinks they want to stay for him and Evan, not that they need support or anything. It was just one game. Still, he is grateful for his friends.
As usual, Dorcas crawls into bed with Barty (Regulus wonders if there will ever be something going on between them in the future - they are very close), but Pandora surprises Regulus by climbing in beside him instead of Evan. She's wearing a set of Evan's fancy, silk pyjamas that every Pureblood family provides for their children, his initials are embroidered in the breast pocket. The sleeves fall floppily over her wrists, drowning her hands in material.
"Do you mind?" She asks politely, blue eyes glowing in the dark of the room.
"Not at all," Regulus whispers. They settle into the bed, pulling the duvet up enough to cover them both. When he's comfortable, Regulus turns onto his side, meeting Pandora's eyes, which are already on him. "Pandora?"
"Regulus?"
The corners of his lips curl up ever so slightly. "I have a question. If you can see everything, do you know everyone's secrets?" His brows furrow like he's confused by his own question. Honestly, he is. There's something about Pandora that's always been different. Everyone who has ever met her knows that, but it's not just that she knows things she shouldn't or sees things others could never make up. Her abilities are far too advanced for any seer Regulus has ever read about. Usually, their prophecies are triggered by rituals such as reading tea leaves or looking into crystal balls, some read palms whilst others perform blood magic rituals. Pandora has never done that, as far as Regulus is aware of. Besides, the extent of what she is able to visualise is far too great.
"Yes," she answers carefully.
"So, you know about..."
"Scarlett Stark?" Pandora offers, her voice purposefully falls into an even quieter whisper. Regulus appreciates this.
He clears his throat. "Er, yeah."
"I do."
Regulus clenches his teeth together, not out of anger but caution. He doesn't know how to go about asking this. He doesn't want to overstep or give Pandora the impression that he is trying to be intrusive about her abilities when he already knows she detests speaking about them.
"How?" He begins, finding his courage as the words start to spill out of him. "I've never seen you read anyone's palms or read runes. Nothing. You know so much and it just doesn't make any sense. How is it you know everything?"
"I wouldn't say I know everything," Pandora chuckles lightly. She casts a silencing charm around them and sighs. "I'm not actually a seer. Not by definition."
"You lied?" He isn't upset about this possibility. Puzzled, perhaps.
"In a way. My mother's family was cursed centuries ago with a scientia curse, meaning knowledge. Three children per century will be tainted with knowledge beyond any normal witch or wizard's capability. It's meant to break you down, to eat away at you. The fact that it is unbearable is the stab of the curse. No one should know everything about everything, it just isn't supposed to be possible, and there are reasons for that." She swallows before continuing. "Imagine simply looking at someone and suddenly getting blasted with every single microsecond of their past and everything they will ever do in the future. Every decision they will make, every mistake. Just everything. Some of my ancestors used this to their advantage, the one's that didn't went insane because of it. Only, the curse isn't meant to be used that way. You can't alter the future because it doesn't meet your expectations. What is meant to be, will be and no one can change that, not even those with an advantage. It never turns out well for those who have the cur- the gift," Pandora emphasises harshly on that last word, as if attempting to convince herself that it is a good thing and not a bad thing. "I choose to see it as a gift, Regulus. I will do what none of my ancestors were able to do in the past and I will embrace it, not try to work around it or prevent it. What will be, will be."
Regulus takes a few minutes to process all of this information. Pandora's family was cursed? When? Could Evan have the gift too?
"Evan doesn't have it," she says aloud, as if hearing Regulus' thoughts. "It's different though..."
"What do you mean?"
Regulus can't see her face, but he knows she is watching him right now. Sizing him up. Not because she doesn't trust him with whatever truth she is keeping a tight grip on, but because he might not be "ready" to hear it yet.
"We're twins, the first in our family where one of us has the gift. Evan and I are connected in ways only other sets of twins would understand. Muggles have theories that twins and triplets are able to feel when the other, or others, get hurt. They believe they are linked in someway and they aren't wrong exactly. I wouldn't feel it if Evan were hit with a spell, but we... sometimes we share dreams." As she falls silent once more, Regulus is unsure of what to say. If Evan shares her dreams, does that mean he has seen some of the things she isn't supposed to share with anyone?
"Isn't that dangerous?" Regulus questions, whispering even though there is a silencing charm still wrapped around them like a snug blanket of security.
"Yes," Pandora responds without hesitation. "Everything he sees can put the future in danger. It hasn't happened many times, only half a dozen in our lives. What he has seen though..." She hesitates. "Let's just say the things I would have done everything in my power to hide from him are the parts of the future he saw."
"Is the future bad?" He speaks before he can stop himself.
"Everyone's future has bad in it at some point, Regulus. It depends how far you go. Does the future have bad in it? Yes, of course it does, but it also has good in it. I can't tell you more than that, as cryptic as it sounds. Live in peace knowing that whatever Evan saw, good or bad, he's already made multiple unbreakable vows not to speak about them," Pandora assures smugly and Regulus gasps.
"Pandora! Those are dangerous, you know."
"Only if you break them," Pandora argues, the hint of a giggle in her throat. "If you keep your promise, there's no harm done."
"We could perform an unbreakable vow and then you know I would never tell. Not that you'd need any vow," he huffs.
"Regulus, it isn't just about telling anyone. Evan is lucky I didn't obliviate him for what he knows. Just having knowledge of the future can affect it's outcome. He could change it all for knowing the smallest thing."
"Wait. Does that mean there is only one future? No paths or choices?"
"Not exactly. I see the most likely outcome, it rarely changes. If someone makes a very big decision that does alter the future, I- I don't know how to explain it. It's like I start walking in a different direction. The other path simply no longer exists, just this one, until it changes too, if it does," she explains.
"Has the future ever changed before? Drastically, I mean."
"Only twice," Pandora replies easily. Then, "Please don't ask me about it. Actually, one of the times was only days after I was born, so I don't know if it counts."
"What possibly could have happened within the first days after your birth that completely changed your future?" Regulus frowns.
"Not just my future," she whispers. "I said don't ask. I really cannot tell you, especially not this."
"Okay, I'm sorry." So, it has something to do with me.
Regulus wasn't even born until months after Pandora's birth. It must have something to do with his parents, or maybe even his family. He hopes it didn't impact the world in the worst way possible - though, knowing his family, it probably did.
Sunday - 4th March, 1973
Potter spent half of Potions club trying to talk to him and Regulus dutifully ignored him. He kept asking him if he was angry and then when Regulus didn't respond, he would go on rants about how they both won since Regulus caught the Snitch and Gryffindor won the cup.
He'd gotten out of there as quickly as he could.
Regulus meets Scarlett in the courtyard, just like very other Sunday. Today, her hair is untamed and frizzy. It is much longer than he remembers it being, now that it's not in a plait. It almost reaches her hips, falling in raven rivulets down her shoulders.
"I've decided it's time we write our parents," she says before Regulus has even reached her.
"Hello to you too, Scarlett."
"Yes, hello. As I was saying, we should write our parents and update them on the status of our... relationship." Her throat bobs around the last word, like the very thought of them being close enough to have any sort of relationship makes her stomach turn.
"I'm not entirely sure what the status is," he answers honestly.
"We will let them know we... enjoy each other's presence and think the other a more than adequate match for marriage." Regulus definitely spots her right eye twitching. "As for our status, they may compel us to label it. Betrothed may satisfy them, it's formal and less personal sounding. However, I expect they will want us to announce the entire situation soon, meaning people will start to call you my..." Her lips quirk in barely veiled disgust.
"Boyfriend?" He offers and Scarlett's entire body shudders. "I feel like I should take offence."
"Believe you me, it is nothing you have done personally."
"Right," Regulus nods. She never gives him any straight answers when he attempts to search for any. Scarlett still hasn't divulged to him why she doesn't want to marry him, not that he does in return. At least he has an excuse. He doesn't want to marry her because he... because... Okay, so maybe he doesn't have an excuse either. She is beautiful, amazingly intelligent, well-spoken, passionate about her beliefs, Pureblood, and his mother obviously approves of her. Honestly, Regulus doesn't know why he never noticed her before this year, nor why he has no romantic interest in her whatsoever. By definition, she is perfect. Regulus would go as far as to say he's grown to admire her, not that he would ever tell her that. She would probably hex him for even saying so.
"Okay," she breathes, calming herself down. "Fine. If we must. I will refer to you as my- my boyfriend and you will do the same in kind. I will be your girlfriend."
"Now say it without all the grimacing and I'm sure it will almost be convincing," Regulus jokes, drawing out a snort from the girl. They've walked down and past the crazy Whomping Willow by now and are heading for the lake.
"You write to your mother tonight and I will write to mine tomorrow, so it isn't too suspicious. I don't want it to look like a setup. They have to believe what we are writing them or this plan will never work."
"Okay," Regulus nods in agreement. "My mother will be so pleased."
"You sound delighted by that statement, Regulus," Scarlett intones sarcastically.
"Of course, I'm delighted. She is my mother and I respect her wishes. If this union is in the family's best interest, then I shall willingly take part in it. Gladly."
"Now say it without all of the sarcasm and I'm sure it will almost be convincing," she smirks and Regulus nudges her with his elbow, subduing his own laugh. She elbows him right back, much harsher than he had.
"I know I say a lot about not wanting to know you, Black," Scarlett starts, staring adamantly at the ground, "and I mean it. I wish this was not happening. Still, you aren't awful."
"Are you saying we're friends?" Regulus dramatically presses his hand to his chest, gasping.
"Shut up," she rolls her eyes and elbows him again, gentler than before. "You are not my friend and I am not yours, so don't go getting any ideas. However, I do not dislike you and-"
"Coming from you, that is almost the same thing as friendship," Regulus says, finishing off the sentence for her.
"Precisely," she nods.
"You know, you aren't so bad yourself, Stark."
She glances at him with green eyes and allows herself to smile.
***
Saturday - 17th March, 1973
Sirius
Sirius never thought he would say this but Lily Evans is not half bad. They have been investigating the topic of Animagi together since early February when she had confronted him, admitting she knew of the boys' plans and claiming she wanted to be a part of it. When Sirius brought up the idea to Peter and James, it took little convincing for them to agree with it. In all honesty, he is grateful for the help. Sirius had been the one to offer to do all the research, not wanting to burden Peter and James with all of the extra work as if it were a year-long homework task. He also didn't want them to be repeating each other's progress; that would have only led to time wasted and time is the most significant part of their plan. Remus is struggling every month and that will never change, no matter what anyone does. However, if the three boys and Lily are able to bring a sense of tolerability to the situation, they would prefer to do it sooner rather than later.
Lily has gone over all of Sirius' notes, he even allowed her to study the Mandrake leaf herself, though she only came back with the same results as he did. It's durability, however, was a surprise. After being plucked from it's stem, it lasted for almost a month and a half and that was without water treatment. Sirius wonders if it would have endured a longer life if he had fed it water and let it bathe in the sunlight, but he couldn't risk it lying out on the windowsill in their dormitory for fear of Frank, or worse - Remus, finding it and discovering what the other boys are doing.
They are in the library together today, hidden in a secluded spot deep in the shelves to avoid any unwanted attention. It is peculiar enough that Sirius and Lily, of all people, are studying together. Lily has volunteered to research places where no humans have ventured, environments that also commonly gather morning dew; it's one of the ingredients on their list, but it will only work if human feet have not stepped upon it. Sirius is relieved she volunteered to take up this task, he had not been particularly eager to start the tedious job, knowing it would be an extremely difficult location to find.
Sirius has placed a temporary Transfiguration spell on the books' covers, so if anyone happens to pass their table, it will look like they are second-year Transfiguration textbooks. They are almost at the end of their exploration, thank Merlin. Sirius could do with a butterbeer right about now. They have been in the library all morning and for most of the afternoon.
Leaning back in his chair, Sirius runs his hands up his face and through his hair, groaning. His stomach is grumbling with unsatisfied hunger, he has a blister on one of his thumbs from writing all day and one of his eyes has been twitching relentlessly for the last hour. He can see Lily watching him in his peripheral vision but he doesn't bother sparing a glance back. Instead, he uses his index finger to rub at his twitching eye, hoping it will settle it.
"I think it's best if we finish for the day," Lily says after a few seconds of Sirius prodding at his eyelid. "We have made a lot of progress today, Tonks. If you want, you can read over my research and I will yours, then we will know not to accidentally copy each other's notes next time."
"Yeah, whatever you want, Evans." He sits up in his chair, giving up on his eye for now, and starts closing the open books around him. Lily is right, he won't be getting anymore work done today anyway, not any that will be useful for them later on.
As he is stacking his pile of books up (he isn't going to take any out, not wanting Pince to catch onto what they are doing), he notices someone approaching their table. Luckily, he hasn't removed the spell on the book covers just yet. When his eyes land on the person now standing in front of their table, he feels his lips twist into a grimace. It's Snivellus.
"Oh, hello, Sev," Lily calls, offering the horrid boy a bright smile. He doesn't return it. In fact, he doesn't seem pleased to see Lily at all. Perhaps, Sirius thinks, he isn't happy she is with me instead of him.
"What are you doing with him, Lily?" His tone is one of undiluted disgust and Sirius wants to hex him for it.
"What, Sirius?" She turns to look at him and then back at her... friend. "We were uhm... doing homework together."
Snivellus' coal-black eyes sweep across Sirius quickly and then return to Lily. He notices how the repulse he had regarded Sirius with is still present when he lands his gaze on the redhead. "Transfiguration?" He inquires thoughtfully, staring down at the two piles of books on the desk. Then, his sharp eyes meet Lily's emerald ones. "You know, you don't need to cosy up to this imbecile just to get ahead, Lily. I didn't think you were like that."
Lily, taken aback, opens her mouth and then closes it. Her eyebrows scrunch above her eyes, offence crosses her face. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," the git sneers, "he is not good company to keep and you are smarter than he is. There is no need to use him to gain better grades. If he is the sort of person you like-"
"Excuse me ?" Lily repeats, now standing from her chair. "My company, Severus," Snape flinches at the use of his full name, "is none of your business. How dare you accuse me of exploitation. You know I would never use anyone to get better grades. Sirius is... a friend." Her eyes flicker briefly over to Sirius, who flinches at her unexpected confession.
"Lily, I didn't mean that. Just, come with me, let's go-" Snivellus starts, but Lily interrupts him.
"No. I am going to help Sirius pack up and then we are going to go to the Great Hall together for dinner. You are welcome to wait and walk with us, but that is what I will be doing." With one last stern look the Slytherin boy's way, Lily waves her wand, sending the books back to their correct shelves. Sirius, subtly, casts the reversal spell on the book covers and then starts packing away his bag. He is surprised Lily stood up to Snape, she never has before. Especially, not for him. Usually, she is defending Snape's actions against Sirius, saying he shouldn't provoke him.
Snape, who hasn't said anything since Lily's outburst, glares searing, at Sirius and then stomps off. He remains silent as he puts his things away, unsure of what he should say. He doesn't want Lily to snap at him next, especially if he says the wrong thing.
Once they are both finished, they stand facing each other awkwardly.
"Sorry," Lily says and Sirius frowns. Sensing he is confused, she explains, "For Severus. He was out of line. I know you can be just as... rude, but that doesn't justify him being cruel for no reason. Actually, he shouldn't retaliate anyway, it doesn't do any good for anyone."
"You don't have to apologise for him," Sirius responds, still frowning. He is trying to understand her. Lily is... unexpected. She isn't as predictable as he had anticipated. In fact, she might be just as surprising as Remus is. "In fact, don't. I do not accept your apology because it is completely unnecessary. Void, if you will."
She chuckles uncertainly, as if she isn't sure she should find what he has said amusing. "You're right," she nods. "Still, he is my best friend and I hate the way he treats people sometimes. I love him but there are times where I would do anything for..." Lily bites down on her top lip, stopping herself from speaking any further. "Never mind," she says, smiling sadly, "it doesn't matter. Let's go to dinner."
With that, the conversation is over and Lily is already heading towards the exit. Sirius follows her.
The journey to the hall is a quiet one and rather long, a combination Sirius isn't very comfortable with. It is impossible for him not to fill the emptiness with something.
"So, I'm your friend?" He smirks and Lily rolls her eyes.
"I- you're- I guess so," she sighs, sounding resigned. "I didn't plan on saying that, it just sort of came out. So, I suppose it is true."
"Oh," Sirius whispers. Then, his smirk returns, "I suppose you're my friend then. Don't go about telling everyone though."
"Of course not," Lily shakes her head dramatically. "Just imagine it. Sirius Tonks and Lily Evans, friends. The public wouldn't be able to handle it."
"It's too drastically unrealistic for their vulnerable minds to comprehend," Sirius tuts and sighs.
Lily giggles and tugs her bag further up her shoulder. They have reached the hall now. Sirius notices Remus and James are already digging into a plate of pie and skinned potatoes, sitting in their usual seats halfway down the table. "You know, you are exactly what I expected you to be," Lily states, observing him attentively.
"You are nothing like what I expected," Sirius says honestly and Lily smiles properly at him for the first time.
Tuesday - 20th March, 1973
The boys, Frank included, make their way to the hospital wing that morning. As soon as they arrive, Sirius' worry spikes up at the sight of Remus' father. He tends to visit more often after specially tricky moons. Sirius' footsteps pick up pace and then he's running. He manages to catch the door before it fully closes and Poppy spots him almost straight away. She shuns him away but he tries to argue with her, demanding to know what's happened.
Lyall, clearly taking pity on him, nods Poppy off and takes Sirius off to the side away from the rest of the boys.
"Is Remus okay? Was it... was last night a bad one?" He asks, verging on frantic.
Lyall's eyes are sympathetic, as if it isn't as terrible for him as it is for Sirius. It's worse for the man in front of him. He knows it is. Remus told him the story behind why he was bitten and Lyall's part in that story is much bigger than anyone would hope for it to be.
"He will be okay, Sirius. I imagine he will be begging to be released for his lessons by tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, he won't wake for a few hours. Poppy has had to... perform surgery on him," Lyall flinches and Sirius feels his entire body shudder. "He tore into the mattress they keep there for him and the springs... they got embedded into his stomach. Poppy managed to expel them quickly, thank God, but he has a lot of healing to do. If you return tomorrow morning, I am certain Remus will appreciate your visiting."
Sirius, extremely concerned and mildly put-out at the prospect of not being able to see Moony safe and sound with his own eyes, knowing he will have to wait until tomorrow morning, sighs. He meets Lyall's eyes and nods, thanking the man for taking pity on him. When he returns to the other boys, he lies in the presence of Frank and informs them that they can't visit Remus until tomorrow. Once Frank leaves to go and find Alice, Sirius tells Peter and James the truth of what has happened and their reactions are much the same as his were.
"He will definitely be okay, right?" James asks, worry tinging his voice.
"Lyall promised," Sirius nods, attempting to convince himself as well as James.
"He's our Moony," Peter says with a confident nod; he is the most put together out of the three of them. "He can survive anything."
"Yeah," James adds, chuckling. "He will outlive all of us."
"Yeah," Sirius grins falsely, not really feeling it.
When they arrive at the common room, Peter wanders back up to the dormitory, hoping to claim back two more hours of sleep after having been dragged out of bed early for their monthly hospital visit. James joins Mary, Marlene and Azalia, who are sat on the sofa facing the fireplace, gossiping about something or other.
Sirius is about to join them when Lily approaches him.
"I thought we were keeping this relationship on the down-low," he raises an eyebrow.
"Don't say that !" She hisses, eyes scanning the room even though no one is paying the two of them any mind. "People will get the wrong idea. Christ, Tonks."
"Do you need something then?" Sirius asks.
"Is Remus alright? After... last night."
It is Sirius' turn to scan their surroundings with his eyes now. Satisfied that no one is listening in, he takes a hold of Lily's elbow and pulls her into a secluded corner of the common room, beside a tapestry covered in unicorns and crimson swirls.
"We didn't get to actually see him, he's in a bad way," he admits, wanting to be honest with her. Lily gasps, lifting her hands to cover her mouth. "His dad said he will be okay though and we can visit him tomorrow." Then, Sirius adds, "You can join us, if you'd like."
"Are you sure?" Lily questions, slowly removing her hands from her lips. "I haven't told him I know yet and I don't think I want him to find out right after a moon. Especially, if it was a bad one."
"It is up to you when you tell him, but don't leave it for too long. He doesn't like secrets, none that aren't his own anyway," Sirius snorts and Lily smiles in return. "If he asks, I'll just tell him you were worried he had an episode or something."
"Thank you, Sirius," Lily says, staring at him with surprised eyes.
"Exactly what you expected, huh?" He tilts his head, watching her.
Lily rolls her eyes. She is always doing that. "I'm not sure about that anymore."
"Well, that's good to hear," Sirius grins and runs a hand through his hair. He steps forward, not wanting anyone to overhear. Lily leans forward. "Meet us here tomorrow morning just before breakfast," he whispers.
Lily, still at eye-level with him, nods and thanks him. Sirius leans his arm against the wall beside them and then looks around the room once more to see if anyone has noticed them. He doesn't think anyone has until he meets Mary Macdonald's eyes, curious and suspicious.
"Mary's watching us," he breathes. "Should we pretend to fight?"
Lily doesn't turn to look, obviously smart enough not to give away that one of them has noticed the eyes on them. "If you want, but what are we fighting about?"
Sirius meets her eyes once more and thinks about how green they are. Usually, when people have green eyes, they're light like mint but with less blue. Lily's are deep like forest leaves and blades of grass that have been dyed by the summer sun. He shakes that thought away and squints his eyes at her.
"How about I insult Snivellus?"
"Don't call him that," Lily snaps, stepping forward once more, her eyes flashing with anger. Still, Sirius notices it isn't as fierce as it usually is. It's subdued.
"There we go. Fight completed," he raises his eyebrows smugly and saunters off towards James and the other girls.
When he settles down on the floor in front of the couch, sitting beside James, he can feel eyes on him. He looks up and sees that Mary still hasn't taken her eyes off him. She doesn't glance away when he catches her staring, only raises an eyebrow. Sirius frowns, puzzled, and she finally looks away.
Saturday - 24th March, 1973
Sirius shoots up from his mattress excitedly, having faked sleep until now just as he imagines Frank, Peter and Remus have. Pulling back the covers, he scurries across to Frank's bed and finds him bent over a book, using the faint glow of candlelight from the middle of the room - the candle they keep lit every night for James. Together, they collect Peter and Remus from their beds, and then they all gather around James' bed and after a whispered count of three, pull open his curtains and jump on his bed.
"What- WHAT?" James yells, thrashing beneath them, obviously panicked until he realises what's happening. "What the bloody hell are you all doing in my bed?"
"None of us can sleep," Remus answers sarcastically.
Frank responds honestly, a long smile stretching across his freckled face. "We're stealing you for the night!"
James looks from boy to boy a few times before lifting his hand to his face and rubbing his eyes. His other hand works blindly to find his glasses and Peter ends up snatching them and passing them to him. "Thanks," he mumbles, placing them on his face. "Now, what are you on about?"
"There are some people waiting for you downstairs," Sirius says, shrugging mysteriously.
"People? What do you mean? Wait, what time is it?" He checks out the window, spotting the waning moon and sighing, he drops backwards onto his bed. "It's still night time."
"Technically, it'll be morning in an hour," Peter says. "Come on, you're going to be late." Together the four other boys hop off his bed, while James stares at them puzzled.
"Should I be afraid?" He aims the question at Frank, knowing he will get a straight answer out of him.
"Nope! You should be excited," Frank grins and then starts off towards the door. Peter and Remus follow him, Sirius remains beside James' bed.
"Come on," he gestures towards the door with a jerk of his head. His hair falls into his eyes, so he tucks it behind his ear. James, still seemingly confused, gets up and allows Sirius to lead the way.
When they reach the common room, they find Lily, Marlene, Mary, Alice and Azalia all waiting for them. James frowns and expresses his befuddlement once more before realising no one will be giving away where they are going, nor what they are doing.
"First of all, girls and Frank," Sirius announces, jumping up onto one of the pull-out chairs that was previously tucked beneath a desk. Lily opens her mouth as if to detest this action, but thinks against it. "We Marauders are swearing you to absolute and utter secrecy! We have found a place not even the Prewett twins know exist."
Marlene hums, impressed at this remark. Mary tilts her head, intrigued, while everyone else looks at each other confused. Remus and Peter are all in the know, not lost in the slightest since they exactly what Sirius is talking about.
"Promise," he flicks his hand through the air, showing he wants to hear it. They all murmur promises and Sirius grins mischievously. "We have found Godric Gryffindor's secret room," more confusion, a couple of gasps, "and it is right behind this portrait." Sirius steps up onto the table and knocks the frame of Godric Gryffindor's portrait.
"You're lying," Marlene frowns, her eyes scan him as if trying to find the truth. Sirius smirks and wraps his hand around the golden frame, pulling it open like a door. "Fuck," Marlene curses and Sirius watches as half the people there seem more surprised by Marlene's public speaking than they are by the hidden passageway in the middle of their common room.
"Ladies first."
He helps everyone up and then guides the way through the tunnel, making sure not to go the wrong way. They still haven't figured out where the second turning leads to, but Remus swears it smells like Muggle cleaning products, so they haven't been too eager to explore it yet.
"Are you ready?" Sirius asks as they fall to a sudden stop. He doesn't wait for a response, pulling back the tapestry and letting everyone walk past him. Sirius and Peter had spent the afternoon decorating the room with streamers and glowing orbs, as well as one large banner that reads: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAMES! In the corner, beside the portrait of the four founders, is a ping pong table Sirius had transfigured out of a couple of pairs of socks and Peter's empty school trunk.
"Woah," Frank breathes, eyes wide as he looks around the room. Lily immediately rushes over to the books and starts gasping at the titles she finds there, likely scandalised and a bit excited about all of the banned grimoires. Alice and Mary are admiring the ceiling when Marlene and Azalia rush over to the armoury, admiring the display of weapons.
"Is this... for me?" James asks, turning to the three boys still in front of him.
"Of course, it is!" Sirius beams.
"Happy Birthday, James," Remus smiles and James' face turns pink. He reaches up to scratch the back of his head and then turns around, taking in the decorations again.
"Do you like it? We have food and drinks, and Moony brought his record player down here!" Peter says, practically bouncing on his feet. "This is your surprise party!"
They had done the same thing for Remus' birthday a couple of weeks ago, not in their secret room, but in the kitchens. It had fallen on a Saturday, so most of the students were in Hogsmeade for the day. The kitchens were wonderfully empty.
"I... don't know what to say," James whispers, blinking fast. The three boys look at each other and then, all at once, step forward and wrap their friend up in a hug. "Thank you."
"Don't thank us," Sirius says, squeezing and tucking his head under James' chin. He's short enough to do so.
"We'd do anything for you, James," Remus admits.
"Yeah. For all of us," Peter adds, meeting Sirius' eye and he knows he's talking about becoming Animagi for Remus.
"Aww, don't we get an invite to this group hug?" Mary pretends to whine, resting her hands on her hips. Her hair is in two small braids and kept done up with lilac scrunchies. Sirius has never seen her without her hair down, curls free.
"Get in here, Macdonald," Peter opens his free arm, the one that isn't currently being crushed beneath Remus' body. Mary tucks into the hug, followed by Alice and Azalia. Frank crawls underneath and pops up beneath Remus. Lily folds into the hug next to Sirius, grinning.
They remain that way for a little while, adjusting and giggling as they embrace, until James says something about how he can't breathe, but he's grinning from ear-to-ear. They separate and Sirius suggests they play a game. Sitting in a circle with the snacks in the middle, Mary starts listing out party games they could play.
"Truth or dare is the best warm-up game," Mary suggests with all certainty. "James can ask first since it's his birthday."
"Okay." He turns to the person next to him, who happens to be Sirius. "Truth or dare."
"Dare," Sirius snorts. It's obviously the only correct answer.
"Now you come up with the dare," Mary explains and James nods.
"Yeah," he mumbles, thinking. "I dare you to transfigure your pyjamas so that they are identical to Mary's, Tranfiguration prodigy."
"Brilliant!" Sirius throws his head back and cackles. He glances across the circle briefly at Mary's pyjamas (buttercup yellow with a sheep pattern) and then waves his wand down the length of his body. He watches as his previously red and white pyjamas bleed yellow. Then, he adds the sheep pattern with a second spell and turns to smirk at James. "Satisfied?"
"Very," Peter let's out a boisterous laugh, everyone giggles. Sirius flicks his hair over his shoulders vainly and turns to Peter.
"Truth or dare, Pete?" The look on his face is pure evil. Peter gulps.
"Uhm... truth?"
Sirius grins and Peter begins to squirm in his seat. "There's no need to look so scared, Peter." Sirius claps him gently on the back. "We'll start off easy, yeah? Alright. Who is your favourite person in this room?"
Peter's shoulders slump with relief. He sends a bored look Sirius' way and raises his eyebrows. "Really? Well, to tell the truth, Frank is." Peter gazes across the circle and finds Frank, sending him a wink. Frank grins back.
"How rude," Sirius gasps jokingly, bringing his hand to his chest.
"The truth hurts," Peter says with a shrug. "Truth or dare, Remus?"
Remus takes the time to think over his decision, unlike Sirius who had chosen without a second thought, with confidence, and Peter who had chosen out of panic.
"Truth," he eventually announces.
"What do you and James do in the bathroom?" Peter asks without hesitation.
"In the what?" Mary laughs.
"Bathroom," Sirius responds eagerly, "they're always in there together."
"Interesting."
Remus glances James' way so quickly, Sirius almost doesn't catch it. "We talk."
"What about?" Peter tries, but Remus isn't stupid.
"I answered. Now," Remus swivels around on the spot to Marlene, who visibly curls in on herself. "Truth or dare, McKinnon?"
"Dare."
Marlene is dared to do her best impression of Dumbledore, which brings everyone to fits of laughter until their stomachs hurt. Then, it's Mary's turn and she ends up admitting to having a crush on Sirius in first year. It shocks him way more than it does everyone else - he'd had no idea. She is followed by Alice, who tells everyone she and Frank have gone as far as snogging. Sirius and Mary cheer and Marlene and Azalia wolf-whistles as Frank and Alice blush. Frank is dared to keep his eyes closed until it's his turn again, so the rest of them throw crisps and marshmallows at his head when he isn't expecting it. Peter manages to land one that bounces directly off his nose, making Frank sneeze.
Azalia chooses dare, much to Sirius' surprise. He would have pegged her for a truther. Frank dares her to fit as many marshmallows in her mouth as she can at once. Shocking everyone, the end result is twelve big marshmallows, white and pink. Sirius wonders if marshmallows come in other colours, or if it is always the standard two colours. Once Azalia's mouth is filled to the brim, she looks like a chipmunk and they all burst into laughter again.
Lily is next and she chooses truth. Azalia asks her what her best memory from Hogwarts is so far.
"This one," Lily says, hugging her knee and resting her chin on it. She looks around the circle at everyone, smiling softly. "We're all in this impossibly ancient room. Together." She turns to Sirius when she says this, he smiles not being able to help it. "It's the best memory I have."
"I agree, Lily," Frank says. "I can't wait to look back on it one day and think of this moment. Of course, I won't be picturing much, just darkness because I can't see shit."
Surprised laughs rumble through the circle at Frank's use of the curse; he never swears.
"Right, everyone, it's the birthday boy's turn," Lily says, shushing them all and turning to James. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth," he sounds unsure and Sirius can't blame him. James has secrets, some he's shared with certain people here, and some he still keeps to himself. It's a dangerous game.
"Why did you kiss me at Christmas?"
Sirius' eyebrows rise to his hairline. He was not expecting that. Everyone leans in, wanting to hear the answer. There's a silent agreement for everyone to be quiet.
"Because I wanted to," he whispers, almost too low for Sirius to hear.
"Why?" Lily almost pleads, her eyes are searching James' face for something.
"I wanted to know what it would be like to kiss a- to kiss someone," James confesses, eyes leaving Lily's to stare at the floor instead. "Sorry."
"It's fine," Lily says, reaching out to rest one of her hands on top of James'. He looks up at her, eyes wide behind his glasses. "It was the same for me, I wanted to know..." She hesitates. "I was your first kiss." It isn't a question, just an observation.
James nods and then, "I was yours?"
Lily nods in reply. "I'm glad it was you. Honestly, it could have been worse. It could have been Sirius-"
"Hey!"
"-and if it had to be anyone, I would have wanted it to be you."
"I would have been a great first kiss, I'll have you know!" Sirius interrupts. He crosses his arms across his chest petulantly.
"How do you know?" James sniggers. "You haven't ever kissed anyone."
"You don't know that," Sirius retaliates, even though it is the truth. They all laugh at his petulance and carry on with the game. They don't get back to their dormitories until the early hours of the morning.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-James hanging upside down on his broom <3 he's so silly
-I love that the Skittles are besties with Hagrid (also, Reg being a dog person 👀)
-"Is the future bad?" oh, sweetie... it's something
-Scarlett and Regulus are friends now. but also fake dating. for their parents. it's a confusing time.
-Lily and Sirius friendship! They still don't like each other, but they are also very fond :)
-"He will outlive all of us" - well, they're not wrong.
-I love parts where the Gryffindors are just all together. It's so domsestic.
-Okay, so. Pandora. This is part of the explanation behind what her "abilities" really are, and if you have questions feel free to ask them in the comments. Xenophilius is the same type of seer as Pandora, so you'll just have to see what that means later on.I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I am now on my way out the door, so I had to edit it fairly quick, sorry if there are any mistakes or if I missed any warnings (feel free to let me know). Have a fantastic day <3
Chapter 28: Second Year: Waiting for the Landing
Summary:
Remus and Cara make a deal.
The second years have exams.
James gets a hug.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-self deprecation (Remus about his lycanthropy :/)
-vomit warning (a Mandrake plant and it already happened before the "scene" begins)
-Snape warning (just ugh)I love this chapter! Have fun reading it! Second year is over WHOOOOO!
Song mentioned in this chapter: God so loved
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The farther backward you can look,
the farther forward you will see.
~ Winston Churchill
Friday - 20th April, 1973
Remus
During the first three weeks of April, the usual study group comes together once again to start studying for their end of year exams. They are frequently joined by Mary and Peter, who sometimes drags along Marlene and Benji. If he is bored at the lack of company, Sirius will join them too, but only on rare occasions when all of his friends are busy elsewhere.
Another moon passed a few days ago, one just as dreadful as the last two. Remus hadn't been sure what was going on, not until Poppy spoke to him privately about how she had a theory that his transformations would grow increasingly difficult during the onset of puberty. He had left her office thoroughly mortified, to say the least.
Peter gave him the map a couple of days ago. He's still trying to find a spell that enables only the four of them to be able to see each other on the map. There isn't really a point to it, since no one will be able to access the map unless one of the Marauders supply them the password to enter it. So far, he's managed to combine an anti-accio charm with a concealing charm, so that no one can steal it from the person who is holding it, and no one other than the four boys can look over their shoulder at what they are doing. You would have to be holding the map yourself to see what it is, unless you are a Marauder, of course.
Then, he has to add the accessing spell to the map. Sirius had an idea to add messages specific to anyone who attempts to get into the map without the proper password. So, Remus will be spending his Easter holidays researching the spells used on wizard and witches' portraits that mimics their personalities, since it is similar to the sort of magic he is attempting to effectuate. That way, whenever someone is met with a message rather than access to the secrets of the map, they will get accurate responses that truly are what Sirius, James, Peter and Remus would say.
He has just over a month until the end of the year to figure it out. Easter fell later this year, being on the twenty-second of April, rather than in March. So, when he returns to Hogwarts, they will only have three and a half weeks until the end of the year. During May, they will have their end of year exams.
Remus isn't going to have a spare second to sleep.
Remus and Frank are the only second-year Gryffindor boys going home for the holiday. The other three boys walk with them down to Hogsmeade station. Sirius complains the whole time, wishing Remus would stay.
"I heard Black is staying. It would be the perfect opportunity to prank him, with the castle so empty!" Sirius whines, tugging on the sleeve of Remus' woollen jumper. "Moony."
"I can't, Sirius," Remus chuckles, pulling his arm free. Sirius pouts and Remus rolls his eyes. "My mam would come here herself if I missed Church at Easter, and you know how much she hates the floo."
Sirius sighs, relenting. "Yeah, fine. I guess your excuse is adequate."
James, shaking his head free of Sirius' nonsense, steps forward to wrap Remus into a hug. He hugs his friend back and then Peter. Sirius jumps forward next, looping his arms around Remus' shoulders. He can feel the ball on the necklace Sirius gave him press into his skin, cold and smooth.
"I'll be back in two weeks, I'm sure you'll survive," he says, pulling back and grabbing his trunk. Frank is waving him onto the train from the doorway, so he rushes off, not glancing back. Together, the two boys go to sit with Alice, Mary and Marlene, who are going back home for Easter break too.
Only when he has sat down does he allow himself to look out the window. Peter and James are talking between themselves about something or other. Sirius' eyes are running up and down the length of the train quickly. They stop when they land on Remus and he grins at him, waving a goodbye. Remus waves back as the train rolls out of the station. Soon, Sirius is out of view and a blur of green trees is the only thing he sees for miles.
Sunday - 22nd April, 1973
Usually, Remus's mam will lie out an outfit for him to wear that she deems appropriate enough for Church. She doesn't overdo it, which he has always appreciated. Felix's parents make him dress up in full-fancy attire that itches at his skin and he spends half of his time in Church pulling at his collar, trying to breathe.
However, today he walks into his bedroom after having vacated the shower and stares down at a baby-blue shirt and matching navy-blue dress trousers. He could never forget those. The permitted dresswear for the Church choir; he used to wear it every time he went to Church, until he quit the choir. He wonders why his mam has chosen this specific outfit for today.
Remus dries off his hair, leaving it in a curly mess atop of his head, and then slides into the uniform. When he gets downstairs, his mother is pacing back and forth in the living room. She's wearing a light-yellow, flowy dress that almost reaches the floor, and white matching sandals.
"Mam?" Remus calls and she stops, turning to stare at him with guilty eyes.
"Oh, you look lovely, cariad."
"Did you get rid of my other outfit? How come I have to wear this one?" He asks, not quite understanding why she's looking at him like she is about to deliver the world's worst news. Perhaps, Easter is cancelled and they don't have to go today. She won't catch Remus complaining about that. So, why does she seem so... Wait. "Hold on. Mam? Why did you lay my choir clothes out?"
"One of the boys who sings baritone has the flu and couldn't make it. Justine asked me if you would fill in the spot, as there are no other baritone singers... I'm sorry, cariad, but I couldn't say no. It's Easter."
"Mam!" He complains, throwing his arms out in frustration. "I don't want to sing in front of everyone. I don't even know the songs."
"You do, Remus, they sing the same every year."
"That doesn't matter! You should have asked me first," he grumbles. He feels like stomping off, but feels like it would be too much of a Sirius move.
"I know, I am so sorry. Please, Remus, for me." She begs, brown eyes widening in a way that makes it difficult for Remus to argue with her. Hope's platinum blonde hair has been curled, the top layer of it gripped together by a white flower hair clip. She looks like an angel.
They stare at each other for a few seconds longer. Remus can feel his resolve slipping and lets out a growl before reluctantly agreeing.
"Thank you," his mother sighs, smiling at him. Remus rolls his eyes and Hope wraps him up in a tight hug, kissing the top of his head over and over again. It's a bit of a struggle, as he is as tall as she is now. "I will make it up to you, I promise."
"I know, mam."
"What are they feeding you at that school? Honestly, by the time summer hits you'll be looking down on me," she huffs a laugh.
"Never," Remus smiles. "I'll always look up to you."
She squeezes him tighter and then tells him to go put his shoes on. His father joins them after he's fed the horses and then they start off towards the Church.
"I know how you can make it up to me," Remus says, walking between his parents. His mam's dress blows lightly in the wind and her hair flies around her head like a white halo.
"I'm listening."
"Can James visit over the summer? He's never been before." It had come as a massive shock to Remus when James had mentioned it a couple of months back. Only Lily has ever visited his home in Wales. Remus has done a lot to make it easier for himself to keep his life at Hogwarts separate from his life in Wales. That way, he is less likely to accidentally say something he shouldn't to one of his Muggle friends. However, he hadn't wanted that to mean he would keep his friends out of his life whenever they were out of school.
"Of course, he can. I'll get tad to send his parents a letter about it when we arrive back home," Hope replies, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ears, only for a breeze to undo it a moment later.
Remus grins, satisfied. He can't wait to tell James.
They get to the Church only a couple of minutes later and Remus groans as his friends approach him. Felix gives his outfit a once over and pats him on the back, "I heard you were singing today."
"Don't even mention it," Remus groans, covering his face with his hands. "Please."
Cara looks him up and down once and then twice. She reaches out and does his top button up, apparently he'd missed it. "There. We don't have time to fix your hair, so this-" she uses her hand to gesture to Remus' person "-will have to do."
"Gee, thanks," he mumbles sarcastically. Turning to Marie, he finds her watching him adamantly. It makes him suddenly nervous, he feels exposed. She had knocked on his door five minutes after he returned from Hogwarts on Friday. Remus' father invited her in for dinner and kept sending Remus looks of implication. He had dutifully tried to ignore those. "Don't you have anything to say about it?"
She jumps, as if caught doing something she shouldn't be. Her blue eyes widen and then, slowly, fill with adoration. "I haven't heard you sing in ages."
"Well, if it were my choice, no one would hear it ever again," Remus grumbles, fidgeting with his collar until Cara slaps his hand away.
"Hiding any chocolate today?" Felix snorts.
"No," Remus pulls a face at his friend. "Oh, actually-" he pats his pockets until he finds the small Mars bar tucked in the back right pocket of his trousers "-you should probably hold onto this." He hands the chocolate over to Felix, but it's Cara who snatches it out of his hand and places it in her little side-bag.
"You know he'll end up sitting on it," she tells Remus, gesturing to Felix.
"I wouldn't!" Felix argues.
"You would," the other three say in unison.
"Bullies."
Cara rolls her eyes and grabs the back of Felix's collar, lightly pushing him towards the entrance of the Church. "Come on, we're going to be late."
Remus groans once more before entering the pious building and walking all the way down the alter to the sanctuary. He joins the other kids there, all of which he went to primary school with, only a couple are his age. It frustrates him a bit how he knows exactly where to go and which order the songs will be in. Religion has only been another let down in his life and he doesn't want to stand here, in front of everyone, and singing about how God loves everyone. Remus doesn't feel very loved.
The local priest - Father Lyre - orchestrates the beginning of the ceremony, reading passages and getting everyone to participate in a prayer to Jesus and then a prayer to God. Remus stands at the front, silently dreading the next couple of hours.
When Father Lyre commands everyone to stand, Remus prepares himself. The first song is the same as it has been every other year. Honestly, how do the elderly members of the Church not get bored of all the repetition?
Come all you weary
Come all you thirsty
Come to the well
That never runs dry
Drink of the water
Come and thirst no more
They sing and Remus feels as his voice wraps easily around the words. He had been slightly worried that with his lack of practice and his newly breaking voice (thank you, puberty) that he would sound awful and ruin the whole thing. Perhaps, that would have been a good thing. But as he sings, he remembers the feeling he used to get, listening to the way his voice echoes through the long alter, bouncing off the high ceiling and stained glass windows. The familiarity he has with the lyrics means he doesn't have to focus on not forgetting the words or the parts he specifically has to sing. So, instead, he listens and he lets himself feel.
Well, come all you sinners
Come find His mercy
Come to the table
He will satisfy
Taste of His goodness
Find what you're looking for
A pang radiates within his chest at the complete inaccuracy of these lyrics. He wishes he could remember his faith, wishes he had reason to believe. If God does exist, he must want Remus to lack faith, to hate him. And he does. He hates God for letting this be his life. He hates that when he needed God most, when he needed his religion most, they let him down. They let him fall; he hasn't stopped falling yet. He's just waiting for the landing.
Monday - 30th April, 1973
It's warmer in Wales than it is in Scotland. Not by much, but enough that when Remus wears his jumpers he feels toasty. His first week back in Wales went by slowly, with each day spent running about with his friends. On more than one of the days, they visited the marshes and got so covered in mud that Remus had to start showering every day just to get the mud that had caked in his hair out.
It had rained today, so the four of them spent most of the afternoon at Marie's house, baking lemon cupcakes in her kitchen and playing board games as it drizzled outside. It's calmed down now and the sun is dazzling down on them. Wanting to be free of the house for a couple of hours before they all have to go their separate ways, they head off to the park. Once they arrive, Remus and Cara race each other to the swings, something they have always done. Remus wins, thanks to his lanky legs, or so Cara says. Despite the rain covering the seat, Remus sits down on one of the swings, feeling as the water bleeds through his trousers. He just knows he'll look like he's wet himself when he does eventually stand up.
Obviously not giving two hoots about the rainwater either, Cara straddles the swing beside his. Remus swings one of his legs over the other side of his, so that they are both facing each other. He wraps his fingers around the chain in front of his face and pushes forward, cackling as he almost collides with Cara. She manages to avoid him by pushing her feet against the floor and flying backwards on her swing.
They do this for a while, watching Marie and Felix compete on the monkey bars and then chase each other around in the wet grass. Marie's golden curls bounce after her as Felix chases her. When she slips on the grass, Felix reaches out to catch her, only for them both to go tumbling. Remus laughs at the two of them, the idiots.
He starts spinning in circles, twizzling the swing's chains around each other as tight as he possibly can. When he lets go, he lifts his feet up and tucks them under the seat of the swing. He feels like he's flying, and not in the terrifying way Quidditch players do. No, this feels like pure freedom, with no fear of dropping off a broom and breaking a bone.
Once he's spun all the way, he rests his feet flat on the floor, watching as the world spins around him.
Further into the park, Felix and Marie are attempting to climb up the slippery slide, only to lose their grip at the last minute and go whizzing back down to the bottom. He watches them fondly, having missed the simplicity of his little life in Wales.
"Felix is such an idiot, you know," Cara says out of nowhere. When Remus turns to face her, he finds she is already looking at him. Watching him watch Felix and Marie.
"What?" Remus frowns.
"For telling you about her," she clarifies, gesturing to the two of them still on the slide as if Remus has no idea who she is talking about. "He shouldn't have done that. I have been waiting for you to get it for years, but I knew Marie didn't want you to know, so I never said anything. Even though it was actually painful sometimes to watch her around you."
"I had no idea," Remus whispers honestly. "I thought she liked Felix." He glances back over at them, watching as Marie finally manages to reach the top of the slide without falling this time.
"So did I, but I knew she definitely liked you."
"Liked?"
"Likes," Cara corrects. "What about you?"
"Me?" He asks dumbly.
"Do you like her?"
Remus focuses on the ground and uses the toe of his shoe to play with a few blades of grass. "I don't know."
"I think you do," Cara replies, sounding oddly understanding.
"I don't- I mean, she's Marie. She's... like my best friend. I wouldn't want to- I can't- I'm always away and it isn't fair and we're thirteen. It isn't important yet," he stumbles over his words, finding it tricky to articulate his true thoughts.
"But do you like her?" Cara presses gently.
Remus lifts his head up to look her dead in the eye. "I think so," he whispers, closing his eyes, resigned. "I don't want her to know, though. Please, don't tell her, Cara." He opens his eyes, pleading.
"Of course, I won't," she huffs, back to her rude demeanour that Remus is so fond of.
"Thanks."
"You will tell her one day, won't you?"
"Maybe," Remus answers, not sure if it's the truth. "I don't understand why she likes me. I mean, I'm nothing special- I- she's beautiful and I'm..."
"Stop whining, you're beautiful too." Remus thinks Cara is the only person in the world who has the ability to compliment you in a way so harsh that it feels like an insult. "How about you wait a year and then if you still like her, or you don't find any girls from your posh-arse boarding school, you ask her out?"
"What, next summer?"
"Sure, let's go with that," Cara nods. "If it doesn't work out, well, you've been friends long enough for it to not be awkward."
"I will only agree with this if you ask Felix out next year too," Remus smirks, watching as Cara's face drops into a dangerous expression. "You know, if you still like him."
Cara pushes her swing into him and he pushes back. They hustle, pushing at each other, for a couple of minutes before calling a truce, only for Cara to immediately break it and swing into him once more.
"So, deal or no deal?" Remus asks, swinging idly frontwards and backwards.
Cara glares at him and then throws her head back, groaning. "Fine! Okay. If you ask Marie out next year, but only if you still like her, you can't use this as some way to get me and Felix together, then I will... ask Felix out too." She whispers the last part and Remus has to stifle a laugh. He knows Cara hates feeling embarrassed more than anything else in the world.
"Deal," Remus announces, holding his hand out. With a final roll of her eyes as an extra indication of her complete and utter reluctance to do this, Cara meets his hand in the middle, shaking on it.
"I can't believe you'll be gone again in four days," she sighs, eyes moving to the trees in the distance. "Promise me you won't go falling for someone else while you're gone."
"Cara, I-"
"Please. She deserves to be happy, Remus." Her gaze settles on Marie, who is jumping in circles, head tilted backwards with her eyes shut as the drizzle begins to tumble down on them.
"I'll try," he chuckles. "I can't imagine who."
"Well, good," Cara says and neither of them add anything else. Everything has already been said.
Friday - 4th May, 1973
Remus returns to Hogwarts that evening with memories of chasing Marie in the rain, and laughing when Cara pushed Felix into the sludgy marshes, only for him to grab her ankle causing her to slide in too. Memories of staying at his mam's bakery until late at night, cadences ringing through an old Church, horseshoes clacking against firm soil, and cornfields that smell so sweet, like the beginning of spring. Glimpses of his mam dancing alone in the kitchen to Diana Ross and early mornings spent silently reading with his tad as Bowie's new album hums on the record player.
Remus recalls the morning of his thirteenth birthday, when he had woken up to a pile of presents at the foot of his bed. Some from his parents, others gifted by his friends. Sirius had been so jealous when, a few weeks after his birthday, Remus was delivered a late birthday present from his parents, only for it to be Bowie's newest album 'Aladdin Sane'. They'd played it and listened to it non-stop for an entire week and then Remus had taken it with him back to Wales. He can imagine how eager Sirius is to listen to it again.
When he steps off the train at Hogsmeade station, he is slightly put-out when only Lily's face comes into view. The boys aren't there, not like they had been when he left. Has something happened?
"Hello, Remus," she smiles, somewhat nervously. "Hi, Frank. Would you mind taking Remus' trunk with you? I need to steal him for a little while."
"Of course," Frank responds kindly, leaning in to give Lily a side-hug before taking Remus' case out of his hand and starting off up the hill to where the carriages are, with Alice, Mary and Marlene by his side.
"What was that about?" Remus asks, admittedly a bit worried. Lily's expression gives nothing away, but Remus can tell she is nervous. He can smell her sweat and hear the way her heart is racing, pumping blood much too quickly.
"Walk with me," is all she says before grabbing his hand and strolling off in the direction of the forest. Remus goes with her, unsure of what else to do.
They don't enter the forest, much to his relief. He can't imagine Lily voluntarily traipsing through the Forbidden Forest anyway. The very thought of that makes him laugh.
"What's so funny?" She turns to look up at him, eyes curious.
"I thought you were about to lead me into the forest."
"Oh," Lily breathes. "No, I wouldn't do that." They continue along the treeline, leisurely drifting in the direction of the castle. Remus watches as the peaks of its towers come into view just over the top of a cluster of trees.
"Lily, you're scaring me," Remus eventually admits, eyes wary. Has she brought him out here simply to admire the view?
"Sorry," she plucks her hand away from his and wipes her palms on her thighs. "I need to admit something to you."
"Right," Remus frowns, perplexed by the entire situation. "You can talk to me about anything, Lils. You know that."
"I know," she nods, glancing at the ground and then back at Remus. Inhaling sharply, "I figured out you are a werewolf and I thought you deserved to know that I am aware."
"What?" Remus questions. Surely, he heard her wrong. Surely, he can't be that terrible at hiding it.
"I know that you are a werewolf."
Remus blinks. Then, he blinks again and again.
"You..."
"You deserve to know that I am aware and I have been for months now, but Remus," she reaches out a tender hand and cups his cheek. Her emerald eyes burn into his, nothing but sincerity and determination shining within them. "You should also know that it does not change the fact that I love you. You're one of my best friends. I really mean it."
"But... I... I'm a monster," he whimpers, feeling as a tear rolls down his cheek. Lily knows. Oh, god, she knows. Lily Evans, one of the sweetest and purest things on this planet and now Remus has tainted her. She'll have to keep it a secret, unless she wants to tell the whole school about it, but no- she wouldn't do that. Lily would never because she is kind and caring and so, so brilliant. Now, she'll have to carry the burden of his dark secret and the only way out of it is immense guilt.
"No, Rem, you're not." The fierceness in her voice is enough to catch his attention and draw him away from the blackhole his thoughts were spiralling him into. She catches the stray tear that had slipped down his cheekbone and swipes her thumb across his skin so gently, it almost hurts. "You aren't a monster, you aren't. I would consider it an honour to protect your secret."
"I can't believe you know," he whispers, clenching his eyes shut. "I didn't want you to know. You weren't supposed to know."
"I'm sorry," Lily mutters.
He opens his eyes and stares down at her. "Don't apologise. It isn't your fault that you found out."
"Then, don't you apologise," she sticks a firm finger in his face, suddenly stern in a way that frighteningly resembles McGonagall. "Don't you ever dare apologise for being something you didn't choose. You are a werewolf, but that doesn't define you."
"You sound like Sirius, you know," Remus mutters, expecting Lily to get angry about the comparison between her and the person she detests the most. Instead, she rears back and softly laughs.
"He's right. I just wanted you to know that I know and that it won't change anything, you'll see."
With that, she clutches onto his hand once more and leads them off towards the castle again.
***
Monday - 7th May, 1973
James
Their first exam is Defence Against the Dark Arts and James is feeling confident about it. Professor Senfast is a much more competent teacher than the one they had last year, before Professor Fortescue filled the role. They have the written exam just before lunch, so the second years spend the morning doing last minute revision. Sirius, who hasn't spent much time studying at all over the last few weeks, is cramming everything inside his mind now. And by cramming, James means he is leisurely working his way through a textbook, skimming his eyes over some pages, whilst completely ignoring others. He knows Sirius would likely come top of the class even if he hadn't touched a textbook all year.
James leaves the exam feeling optimistic about his chances of passing. Peter and Marlene are the only Gryffindors that leave it looking queasy, while everyone else puts it behind them, now giving all of their attention to practicing the spells they will need for the practical exam this afternoon.
Senfast had told them beforehand that they would be facing an enchanted dummy and would have to beat it in a duel to pass the class, or at least show off enough skills and competence to get a low passing grade.
So, after shovelling down a quick lunch, the Gryffindors run out onto the greenery just behind the Quidditch pitch and start pairing up with each other to duel. Azalia and Frank pair together because she claims Frank would be too distracted fighting Alice, which they all agree on. Mary and Marlene pair up, quickly followed by Alice and Peter.
James starts making his way over to Lily when Sirius steps forward and offers to be her partner. Lily, not about to deny a challenge, agrees and so the two walk off to the side together. That leaves Remus and James to partner up.
They do a couple of rounds, each of them winning one each and then James only just manages to beat Remus on the third. After the third round, they call for a pause and end up watching the show that is Lily and Sirius duelling. Sirius has a lot of dramatic flair, which could be read as cockiness and some would say it could work as a disadvantage for him if he isn't remaining focused. However, they do not know Sirius Tonks. He is quick and not just with his wand movements but with the way he moves, graceful and fluid. He hops about on his feet as if hyper, but each move is calculated and if James looks very carefully he can see that Sirius isn't even blinking. Lily does not let this stop her. She is a machine. She makes duelling an art - her art - and swishes her wand through the air in pretty twirling motions. Her footfalls come less suddenly than Sirius' do, less abrupt, but just as eager. It's like watching a couple dance, except they're not dancing together but around each other.
The one problem with Sirius in a duel is if you put him up against a capable opponent, one just as relentless as he is, he will eventually get sloppy and desperate with his actions. The recklessness he shows everyday in everything else will settle in and compel his wand to cast the first spell that comes to his head. It only means that if the person he is duelling is intelligent - which Lily definitely is - they will be able to notice this and catch onto the pattern that Sirius has begun to develop, and they will use it to win.
It's only a second, but Sirius slips up and Lily uses this to her advantage, swishing her wand through the air as if she is croqueting - the air her string. Sirius' ankles snap together and he tumbles. With a sharp jerk of her wrist, Lily is summoning Sirius' wand from between his fingers. It lands smoothly in her hand and she grins down at the boy triumphantly.
"Holy..." Sirius mumbles, rolling over onto his back and sitting up. James thinks he is about to start an argument with the redhead and is mildly surprised when instead he smiles proudly at her and in return, Lily undoes the invisible binds holding his ankles together. "That was brilliant!" He calls, jumping up and down. When he holds his hand out, palm up, Lily places his wand in his hand again.
"Merlin," Frank chuckles from beside James. The rest of them have also apparently gathered together to witness the duel. "That was so cool!"
"Beat by a girl, Tonks. How do you feel?" Mary asks, raising an eyebrow in an attempt to provoke Sirius.
He just shrugs, breathing heavily from all of the exertion, and says, "Girls can do whatever boys can do." Then, grinning, he turns to Lily. "Especially, this girl. Honestly, Evans, I thought you might try and hurt me for a minute there."
"I was tempted," Lily admits, face red and forehead glistening with sweat.
"We should probably get going to the Defence classroom now," Remus declares, after having used a tempus charm to check the time. They pack up their things and head off as a group to their next exam.
Friday - 11th May, 1973
James walks out of his Herbology exam covered in sticky soil and half-soaked with Mandrake vomit. They were tested on how to care for a Mandrake once properly potted, except Remus' had managed to break free from it's new home and decided to regurgitate it's stomach contents all over James' uniform. Sprout hadn't allowed him to leave the exam to clean himself off, so he'd had to endure for half an hour until the end.
"You reek," Sirius grouses, covering his nose with his sleeve.
James, who is very aware of what he smells like, eyes him harshly. "I know that, thanks, Tonks."
"I'm so sorry," Remus says, also covering his face with the cuff of his jumper. He doesn't allow his disgust to show though, unlike everyone else around them he presents nothing but sympathy and guilt. It had been his Mandrake to cause this, but James knows it wasn't actually Remus' fault.
"It's fine, Moony, really. It's not your fault your exam decided to spew it's breakfast all over me." He manages to pull a muted smile out of him and takes it as a win.
There's a groan from behind them that catches James' attention. "You would think he would be running to a shower. I'm sure he and his friends are used to that stench, but others are not." James can tell it's Snape who says it by the way his voice grumbles nasally in his throat. He is just glad Sirius hasn't overheard him, otherwise a brawl would surely break out.
"I am sure, Severus, that if anyone has the right to judge whether someone should need a shower, you do not," comes a response and James has to turn to make sure it wasn't Sirius who had spoken. It sounded like him, perhaps less Southern-tinged than the way he speaks, slightly more upper class.
"What would your mother say if she heard you were sticking up for a Gryffindor, Black?" Snape sneers and James almost stops walking right in the middle of a crowd. Black? It had been Regulus? "Perhaps, she would send another howler relaying to the entire school how much of a disappointment you are to your house."
A cold, drawling laugh rings in his ears, making him shiver involuntarily. "At least my mother acknowledges my existence. I am heir to the second richest wizarding family in Britain and what are you?"
Snape (James assumes it's him) growls and James chances a glance back, wondering what will happen next. Sirius and Peter are beside him, too preoccupied with their conversation. Remus on the other hand has probably heard every single word, just as James has.
"I am loyal to my house, unlike you. Sticking up for blood-traitors. What would dear, old mummy say to that, heir ?" Snape snaps back.
James watches as Regulus rolls his eyes, expression closed off almost completely, only a shred of annoyance plain on his face. "I'm sure if she met you and considered my choices, she would understand," he replies curtly before rushing forward, followed promptly by his three friends. His eyes connect with James' only for a moment but they're empty of anything. James looks away.
He rushes off to the shower as hastily as he can, making sure to rub all of the Mandrake's liquid out of his hair. Once he's finished, he speeds off to the trophy room, knowing he is probably already late. As he enters the room, McGonagall comes into view. She gives him a once over and then raises her eyebrows. He waves his hand as if to say the state he is in doesn't matter. Frank is already there, he must have gone straight from the Herbology exam. James hopes Frank told McGonagall that he had to go and wash all of the plant vomit off him and that's why he is running late.
"It's nice of you to join us, Mr Potter," McGonagall intones, side-eyeing him. He scurries over to Fabian and Gideon, who are both not-so-subtly snickering at him. He nudges them both indistinctly so McGonagall doesn't notice.
"Welcome, team," McGonagall begins, an excited quiver to her voice that James has never heard before. "I am immensely proud to announce Gryffindor as the winner of the 1973 Hogwarts Quidditch Cup." She steps to the side, her emerald robes whisking in her wake, revealing a glass cabinet with a golden goblet the size of James' head twice over. Engraved in scarlet ink, it reads:
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT
AND WIZARDRY QUIDDITCH CUP circa. 1973
GRYFFINDOR HOUSE
The cups handles, all four of them, represent the different Hogwarts houses by resembling the mascots. From here, James can only see the snake and lion emblems, one roaring whilst the other hisses. He thinks that's rather fitting considering how the final game went.
Below the cup there is a dark, wooden framed photograph of their team right after they won the game. Frank has his arm slung over James' shoulders, the Prewett twins stand behind them in an identical position to how James and Frank are stood. To the side of those four, Bracia and Skylar stand with their hands joined into a fist and thrusted into the air, howls of triumph echo on their faces. In the middle of everyone, Darius stands, cup in one hand as he lifts it up. His grin could not get any bigger if he tried.
The picture moves about as they all cheer one minute and then smile for the camera the next. In the very corner of the picture, there's a flash of black hair for a second and then it disappears. James laughs at the memory of Sirius trying to jump into the photo, only for Remus to restrain him at the last second. He will love the idea that, even if his face didn't manage to make it into the team photo, his hair did.
Tuesday - 15th May, 1973
The last exam of the year falls on the following Tuesday and just so happens to be James' favourite subject. Potions.
Everyone enters Slughorn's classroom, sitting in their usual seats. He tells them to retrieve the ingredients for a swelling solution and a cauldron each, as they will be working separately since it is an exam. Out of habit, James goes to get a cauldron, remembering he needs to get two. It is only when he arrives back at his shared table with Regulus that he realises his mistake. This isn't like every other lesson where they have their little routine, he gets the cauldron and Regulus gets the ingredients. He can't just expect the other boy to go get his stuff for him every single time. Still, he got both himself and Regulus a cauldron. How could he be so presumptuous?
James is about to go to the store cupboard to collect the right ingredients for the potion but is stopped by Regulus. His arms are full to the point where he almost drops a jar filled with bat spleens. James manages to catch it just in the nick of time and places it on Regulus' side of the desk.
Regulus starts laying out the ingredients in front of him and then... much to James' surprise, he lays out a second set of ingredients for him.
"Thank you," he murmurs.
Regulus just nods silently, not even looking at him. James has to distract himself so he doesn't fidget. He decides he will arrange the ingredients out in order of when he will need to use them, only to discover Regulus has already done that for him too. It isn't long before his leg starts to bounce under the table against his will.
"Do not do that in the exam," Regulus snaps stilly, turning to glare at James cuttingly.
"Sorry," he apologises and stops the movement. James rests his hand on his thigh, holding down his leg so that if it tries to fidget again, he'll realise and hopefully stop it before Regulus kicks him.
Slughorn announces the start time and stares at his watch until the exact second the starting minute hits. James takes his time measuring and chopping ingredients, knowing it is crucial he get quantities and consistency correct. The tiniest difference to the instructions could result in a botched potion and he will not allow that to happen. Taking the time to be careful will actually give him an advantage over those who rush to get it done in the allotted time available. Potion-making is an art, you have to treat it delicately.
Just over an hour later, he spells a Bunsen burner flame beneath his cauldron, setting it to medium heat. When he checks the time, it's 11:34 and he has to leave the potion like this for twenty minutes, checking on it periodically to make sure it is going successfully. When he sits down, he glances around the classroom to check in on his friends. As always, his eyes go to Remus first. The full moon is in a couple of days, so James knows Remus has been struggling all week. Potions has a tendency to trigger his epilepsy too. It had been an awful revelation to find out that Potions would be the final exam.
When James look over at him, however, he finds that he is fine. He's meticulously adding small pours of his powdered mix to his cauldron, checking it in intervals just as James had advised he do before the exam. Satisfied that his friend is alright, he moves onto Sirius, who is sitting behind his desk and folding a piece of parchment into a paper aeroplane. Beside him, Peter is looming over his cauldron, eyes droopy with exhaustion and sweat-soaked hair stuck to his forehead. Next, he glances across the classroom at Lily, who is measuring out two tablespoons of water; James imagines she's almost finished with her potion too.
Eventually, inevitably, his eyes land on the boy beside him, measuring out and adding ingredients to his solution scrupulously. There's a crease between his furrowed eyebrows that looks as if it's been carved there purposefully. His lips are pressed into a firm line, a thoughtful expression. He is so focused on the task before him that he doesn't notice James watching him. Or, at least, James doesn't think he's noticed. Not until he feels a deliberate nudge against his shin. He looks down to see Regulus' foot retreating back to his side. It hadn't been harsh or a warning kick like it usually is. James sneaks a peek of the other boy, but he doesn't appear to have moved - it's as if nothing happened at all. Maybe he imagined it.
When Slughorn calls for the end of the exam, the students pack away their workspaces and start filing out of the classroom. Slughorn beams at them all like a proud father, expressing how wonderfully he is sure they all did.
James catches up with Remus and Peter, but Sirius is nowhere to be seen. When he questions his friends about it, Remus tells him that Sirius told them he wanted to talk to Slughorn about next year's syllabus.
"We should wait for him," James says, already prepared to turn back.
"He said he won't be long," Peter speaks up. "I'm starving and I can smell the chicken sandwiches from here."
"You two go ahead," James smiles softly at the two of them. "I'm going to walk back with him."
Remus nods understandingly and pats James on the shoulder. Peter waves and calls back a goodbye, already halfway up the corridor.
James makes his way back through the dungeons and is glad when he doesn't bump into any particularly nasty Slytherins. He is a Gryffindor, after all. Instead, however, what he finds when he steps around the corner, are Sirius and Regulus, both with their wands out, both pointing them at the other.
His eyes widen at the unexpected scene. His instincts tell him to rush in there and stand between them, but he doesn't know if that's a good idea. Regulus might actually hex him. Just then, Regulus sends a staticky-sounding hex Sirius' way. He dodges it mostly, but it lands on the very edge of his shoulder. Sirius sends one back immediately, it comes out a thunderous blue, warm in the air. He hits Regulus in the centre of his abdomen.
James doesn't think. He runs forward and jumps between them, facing Sirius. He holds his hand out, urging his friend to withdraw from the... duel? Fight? Whatever it is these two idiots are doing.
"Sirius, don't," he enounces firmly. "Put your wand away."
He turns on the spot, now facing Regulus, and searches him with his eyes. He's hunched slightly, which is irregular for him; usually, his posture is Pureblood-perfect. James thinks it might be a result of the hex Sirius sent his way. Regulus' wand is still drawn, but it's angled towards the floor now. He watches James with nothing but suspicion and bitterness.
"Are you-"
"Piss off, Potter," Regulus spits, shoving him out of the way, hard enough that James goes tumbling backwards. Luckily, Sirius is there to catch him before he topples onto the floor. "Leave me alone," he calls back, seething, as he hurries off deeper into the dungeons.
"James? Are you okay?" Sirius asks, bringing James back to the present. Watching Regulus stomp off reminded him strangely of the train, almost two years ago now. James can't quite fathom that.
"I'm fine," he responds monotonously. "Go. Get some lunch and tell Remus and Pete I don't feel very well."
"James-" Sirius starts.
"Please, don't follow me. I just..." he inhales deeply, "I want to be alone for a little while, okay?"
The worry on Sirius' face almost shocks him. He supposes it must be a bit scary hearing James say that he wants to be alone. He hasn't wanted to be alone ever. His friends all know why that is. However, right now, he can't endure any company. His bed sounds like just about the only thing he could tolerate at the moment.
When he leaves, Sirius doesn't follow him.
It must be half an hour after James reaches Gryffindor Tower and resigns to his bed that the door cracks open, Sirius' face appearing from behind the door. James looks up and then lies back down, groaning.
"Please, Sirius, I just want to be alone."
"Tough luck," Sirius drawls, closing the door behind him. "I need to talk to you."
"About?" James asks half-heartedly. He probably shouldn't be so rude, but he is tired. Tired of Sirius and Regulus always arguing. Tired of Snape being a little shit. Tired of feeling so restless around Regulus. Tired of pretending he is okay every single day.
"Black," Sirius responds, his voice sounds closer. James rolls his eyes, expecting an argument to be coming. He leans up on his elbows, settling his gaze on Sirius, who is languidly walking in the direction of James' bed, but not looking back at him. His eyes are sort of- everywhere, like he is taking in the room for the first time. James guesses it is because the year is almost over and they won't be back for three months.
"What about him?" He sighs.
Sirius' eyes meet his briefly before jumping away. "Why are you always so... nice to him? The others, the rest of us, we're not... I mean, Remus can be, but T- I don't like him."
James stares, mystified, at his friend. "Why am I nice to him? I don't know, Sirius, maybe because he's a person. You shouldn't pick on him so much."
"He retaliates," Sirius mumbles, not petulantly but factually.
"So," James shrugs, sitting up now and swinging his legs around the side of the bed. "If you keep picking each other apart all the time, one day there will be nothing left. Of either of you. I know you don't care about him and that is none of my business, but it doesn't mean you have the right to hex him."
"He hexed me first," again, factually.
"Then, be better than him. I hope he has someone telling him right now what I am telling you. One of the Rosiers, probably." Sirius laughs quietly at this. "I'm just so tired, Sirius. If you have to hate each other's guts, could you please do it more subtly?"
Sirius eyes him intently, like he is trying to figure him out. Soundlessly, he nods and James feels a weight melt off his shoulders.
"Good, okay," he mutters, mostly to himself. With a much-more-friendly-than-before smile, James waves Sirius over. "Come here."
Hesitantly, Sirius makes his way over to the bed and only sits on it when James tells him to. He sits stiffly, making James laugh.
"What?"
"Come here, you plonker," James snorts, pulling his friend in close. He wraps his arms around his shoulders and rests his chin on top of Sirius' head. "I'm sorry I got a bit..."
"Pissed off?" Sirius supplies, voice sounding croaky.
"Yeah. Pissed off."
"It's... okay," Sirius whispers. Then, carefully, like he isn't sure he should, he loops his arms around James' torso and squeezes. They sit like this in comfortable silence for a few minutes and James isn't sure he's felt so comforted by a person before, the only exceptions being his parents and Remus.
Suddenly, Sirius rips himself away from James and stumbles backward, heading for the door.
"I just realised... I- uh- let Evans borrow my textbook and I need it back," he rambles almost unintelligibly. Scrambling for the doorknob, Sirius pulls the door open with force and rushes out of the dorm.
James stares after him, disorientated by Sirius' odd behaviour. Also, what does he mean he let Lily borrow his textbook? Sirius doesn't even have one for Potions and Lily has her own. Maybe he realised he needed to go do something else- something private?
Shaking his head, James finally heads off to lunch.
Wednesday - 30th May, 1973
A few weeks ago, just before exams, James had attended the final Potions club of the year. This was way before the fight between Sirius and Regulus in the corridor, so Regulus had been avoiding him less. Sirius hasn't brought up that strange day and James hasn't bothered asking about it. He wouldn't want to hear a lie or a fake explanation.
During the final Potions club session of the year, Slughorn has gotten them to brew a potion that produced mini fireworks in the air. James, inspired by the idea of a celebratory send-off, had taken this to the Marauders and constructed a plan with them.
On the final night before the train comes tomorrow morning, the marauders don't eat much of the feast. Sirius and Peter are both bouncing excitedly in their seats, the anticipation apparently too overwhelming for them. James hasn't got much of an appetite. Remus is the only one of them who seems to, so he stuffs his face for all of them.
Ravenclaw had won the House Cup this year and the Marauders cheered, high-fiving Benji and Astro across the aisle. Halfway through the feast, a high-pitched whizzing noise fizzles through the hall, bringing everyone to silence. It is shortly followed by a blaring, crackling boom that explodes above their heads in a cacophony of different sparkly colours. The fireworks paint themselves across the starry ceiling, spreading like spider's legs. Dozens of them burst across the hall, causing some students to gasp and laugh, whilst others grumble at the disturbance.
Remus had been sure to make the volume bearable, nothing too extraneously jolting. They want this to be a joyful goodbye, not to give the headmaster a heart attack before the year comes to a close.
Dumbledore doesn't cut short their display either, revelling in the excitement just as much as the students. If James isn't mistaken, he thinks he catches McGonagall smiling. The evening ends with rainbow explosions and laughter that shakes ribcages. A memory James will never forget.
Thursday - 31st May, 1973
The departure from King's Cross Station to back home always brings a melancholy to James' mood. It's irritating because he is so unbelievably ecstatic to see his parents, but he misses his friends desperately. It's not only that. He misses the distraction that Hogwarts provides from his haunted past. When he is at home, it is all he can think about.
So, when the Hogwarts Express rolls into King's Cross, James smiles sadly out the window. He can see his parents near the front. They're talking to Sirius' parents and Remus' father. The idea of their parents all being friends makes James smile.
Peter is the first to say goodbye, running off in the opposite direction to where Mr and Mrs Pettigrew are waiting eagerly for him. Lily is next, pressing a kiss into each of their temples, even Sirius. James doesn't question it, he imagines she only did it because if she hadn't he would have been left out.
Once they reach their group of parents, Remus' dad makes them leave quite quickly, whispering something that makes Remus hurry his footsteps. James thinks he hears Lyall say something about a girl called Marie?
Sirius and James remain on the platform for a bit longer as their parents continue to chat back and forth between each other. James' eyes scan the platform instinctively. He isn't sure what he is searching for until his eyes land on a woman with skin so pale, James isn't convinced she isn't a ghost. Her hair is pulled back into a strained bun, just as it had been the last time he saw her, almost a year ago on this very platform. She is just as frightening as she had been back then, if not more now. She's dressed in a Victorian-style, midnight-blue dress. James almost starts to worry for her, surely she must be sweltering in that outfit. Then, he remembers who she is and feels nothing but petty amusement at the prospect of her suffering in the heat. Good, he thinks, sweat.
"What is your face doing?" Sirius asks, poking James' cheek.
"What?"
"You look like someone just snapped your broom over their knee," Sirius snorts.
"Do you remember when I said I met Black's mother?" James turns to look at Sirius, who raises his eyebrows and then nods in response. "Well, she's over there." He points in the direction of the woman and the small boy. Regulus is perfectly dressed in traditional wizard's robes, completely black. His arms are folded behind his back and his chin is undoubtedly as straight as a ruler. He doesn't speak when his mother talks to him, only nods or gives monosyllabic answers.
"Oh, yeah," Sirius grimaces. "I see what you mean, she is terrifying to look at."
"Yeah," James nods. "Hey, did you ever get your textbook back?"
"What?" Sirius looks at him, brows furrowed in confusion.
"Never mind," James smiles.
As their parents say goodbye to each other and James hugs Sirius, who wraps his arms around James' shoulders - because he hugs everyone like that and always has - James thinks about the day of the fight in the dungeons. By the time he and his parents reach his father's car, James thinks he might finally understand something about that day.
It wasn't Sirius.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
cariad = sweetheart (Welsh)
tad = father (Welsh)
mam = (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-choir Remus is back (not forever unfortunately)
-clingy Sirius >
-REMUS AND HOPE AHHHH I love them so much
-Cara, Felix and Marie shout out (my children)
-Lily fessed up! it's about time, girl
-Remus might ask Marie out? hmm.. we'll see. a lot happens in a year 👀
-Sirius "girls can do whatever boys can do" Tonks
-Regulus sticking up for James!!! I love this little guy
-Lily Evans. just her. in a duel. AHHHHH
-Sirius' hair will always be famous (especially, in the Quidditch team photo of 1973 hehe)
-James and Regulus were so cute in this chapter, I was actually crying
-Sirius is acting a bit sus...
maybe that's because.... it wasn't Sirius 👀Sorry, that was a long rant! I got excited :D
I hope you all liked this chapter! Comments and kudos' are appreciated! We are almost at 10k hits- that is crazy! Thank you!!!!! I love you sm <3333 Have a lovely rest of your week x
Chapter 29: Second Year: Sounds like a Plan
Summary:
The Black's have dinner guests.
Sirius' family come for a visit.
Animagus plans are in motion.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of past child abuse/scars
-references to an arranged marriageLet me know if I've missed anything! This is a long one, so buckle up!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Think of happy thoughts and
then you'll fly.
~ Peter Pan
Friday - 1st June, 1973
Regulus
He has only been back home for just over twenty-four hours and, already, he wants to leave. The only good news he has received since he arrived is that his father is doing much better than he has been these last few years. Regulus has noticed significantly less grey in Orion's hair, that and he has been spending less time in his room and much more in his study. Regulus' mother has forbidden him from disturbing his father, so he has only seen him at meals so far. He's missed his father immensely. The last time Regulus saw him had been the Christmas they spent together with Regulus' uncle Alphard. He wonders where Alphard is now. Maybe he's disappeared again and will randomly visit after another decade has passed.
Regulus' mother has been suspiciously liberal with him since he returned home, and it is beginning to unnerve him. Perhaps it has something to do with his supposed courtship with Scarlett and this is his mother's way of showing her approval. If this is Regulus' reward for doing what he is told, he thinks he would rather not have it. The silent waiting for something that may or may not even happening is worse than being punished every week. At least then, he knew it was coming. Now, he has no idea when the next time he sees the inside of the drawing room will be. He has no idea when he will receive his next scar, nor what he will have to do to break his mother's temporary amity.
Kreacher had cried when Regulus first arrived, which earnt him a kick in the nose from Walburga. Regulus had to restrain himself from both yelling at his mother not to abuse Kreacher and from running to the poor elf to see if he was okay. He hasn't gotten the chance to escape the house at night yet, knowing Kreacher usually tends to spend the first night after Regulus returns outside his bedroom. Regulus doesn't know why the old house-elf does it. Thoughts of Kreacher camping out in the corridor because he had missed him floods his mind and he feels a sudden sense of deep adoration for him. Kreacher has always been very protective of Regulus too, as if he is afraid someone will sneak into his bedroom at night and steal him away. Regulus thinks it is more likely his mother would kill him than let him get stolen away. Maybe, Regulus deliberates, Kreacher is just protecting him from her.
Tonight, however, Regulus ignores the sleeping house-elf outside his bedroom door and sneaks out of his window anyway. He hasn't been able to sleep the past couple of weeks because of something he can only blame himself for. Oh, he had been so, so stupid.
Speed-walking the entire way there, not partaking in his usual routine of jumping between streetlights, Regulus arrives at the museum in record time. He climbs the rickety drainpipe, not worrying for a moment that he might slip and he didn't even bring his wand with him. Even if he had, he wouldn't be able to use it. Not outside Grimmauld Place. Not unless he wants to be caught by Aurors, sneaking into a Muggle museum in the middle of the night. They would most definitely inform his mother, Regulus' wand would be snapped, and his mother would surely murder him.
When he reaches the window, he slips through it easily. Lucky for him, he hasn't grown much over the years and even when he inevitably does, he will likely still be thin enough to squeeze through. Regulus wanders along the inside balcony that looks over the area where the statues are strewn in the front of the museum. He lets his hand linger on the banister as he walks, eyes wandering eagerly to all of the art that surrounds him. Still, a small part of him is struggling to find the peace of mind he craves so desperately. His mind is a whirlwind of shame and confusion and- idiot, idiot, idiot.
Shaking his head, he hurries his steps until he is standing in front of Reverie. He sits down on the small, marble bench opposite where she is hung and inhales heavily.
"Hello, Reverie," he nods politely. Like always, she doesn't respond, she doesn't even twitch. "I have so much to tell you, but first... I did something so unbelievably moronic." He buries his face into his hands, ashamed. He can't believe he is about to admit this out loud, even if it is just to a motionless painting of a woman who cannot voice her opinions on the matter back to him. But maybe that's the worst part. Regulus won't have anyone to tell him he's being dramatic. He won't have anyone to show him that what he did was maybe not as ridiculous as he thinks it was.
Except, it had been, hadn't it? It had been completely and utterly ridiculous.
With a deep breath, he starts to explain. "Evan, Barty and I were saving it for a prank, you know, on the Gryffindor boys. I'm sure I've told you about them before. Anyway, I got into a fight with Tonks," Regulus scowls at the mention of his rival, "and he just- pissed me off. Excuse my language," he looks up at her, only to find her lifeless still. Maybe he is crazy. Still, he carries on. "I wanted to get back at him, and Potter for just... I don't know, being a good person? Sometimes it is so tiring having someone you want to hate be such a good person. The prank we were going to pull was this: either Evan, Barty or I were going to take Polyjuice Potion, which is basically where you transform into someone else, their looks, their voice, everything. When I got angry, I wanted to get back at them right then and there, so I ended up storming back to my dormitory and..."
He groans and his eyes flicker shut for one more moment of shame, before opening once again. Regulus looks directly into Reverie's still eyes and in one all-at-once burst, "I took the Polyjuice Potion - the one Potter and I created in Potions club - turned into Tonks, went up to Gryffindor Tower, waited for someone to let me in, and snuck up to their dormitory. But Potter was there ! I was hoping to wait until they all came back, so I could confuse them, but everything went wrong. Oh, Merlin, so wrong. I..." Regulus grimaces at what he is about to divulge to someone who isn't even alive, so it should not be as difficult as it is. "I hugged him, or he hugged me. Either way, I didn't push him away and it lasted for minutes. Why did I let him do that? What is wrong with me?" His eyes sink shut. "Why..." Why didn't I want to pull away?
Regulus ends up spending much more time in the museum than he usually would. If his mother wasn't likely to curse him for having eyebags due to lack of sleep, he would have stayed there all night. Before the sun is even close to rising, Regulus climbs back out the faulty window and down the rusty drainpipe, and begins his walk back to Grimmauld Place.
Friday - 15th June, 1973
A couple of weeks into the summer holidays, Regulus is working on his homework for third year. The electives he chose all require anteriorly completed work, so if Regulus wants to persist in being ahead in class, which he has to be if he doesn't want to hear his mother's complaints about his lack of dedication to his education, he needs to spend a devoted amount of time on his studies.
As Regulus moves onto the page of his Divination textbook about 'The Three I's: Inductive Divination, Interpretive Divination, and Intuitive Divination', Kreacher materialises into the room, behind him. Regulus turns around, flicking his wand towards the gramophone in the corner of his room, stopping Michael Tippett's 'A Child of Our Time' from it's congenial hum. When he glances down at Kreacher, he smiles at the elf but his joy at seeing his friend quickly vanishes at the expression of severity blighting his wrinkled face. He places his quill down on the desk.
"Did mother send you, Kreacher?" Regulus questions, examining Kreacher's reaction. The house-elf grabs the end of his ears anxiously, pulling them, but then he drops his hands, remembering how Regulus doesn't like it when he hurts himself like that. He looks up at Regulus with his small, black eyes and nods twitchily.
"Master Regulus is to change into his most formal robes. Mistress and Master Black are to be having guests," Kreacher says, now twisting his pillow-case dresswear between his fingers.
"Which guests, Kreacher?" Regulus is hoping Kreacher will tell him it's Narcissa, maybe even Lucius too, since he said guests plural.
"Sir and Mrs Malfoy," Kreacher responds and Regulus sighs, relieved, "and Sir and Mrs Stark and Miss Stark."
"Scarlett?" Regulus frowns, confused. They have been keeping regular correspondence over the past couple of weeks to satiate their parents, but she hadn't said anything about coming over for a visit. Kreacher nods in answer and Regulus thanks him for notifying him and then sends him off. He searches inside his wardrobe for his best robes and is reassured when he discovers they still fit him perfectly.
Kreacher pops into his room again a quarter of an hour later to inform him that his mother wants him downstairs before the guests arrive, which is in half an hour. Regulus nods and asks Kreacher to help him fix his hair, not wanting the house-elf to leave just yet. Kreacher, obviously grateful for the distraction, agrees eagerly. Regulus imagines his mother probably had Kreacher rushing around the entire house making sure every little thing was in place. He is sure she got him to dust the house-elf heads that are lined up above the main staircase. He hates that they are there and plans to remove them as soon as the house belongs to him, but until then he - and Kreacher - have to endure the barbarity of it. Regulus is certain Scarlett will find it just as boorish as he does. Hopefully, she will not assume he enjoys the interior decorations on the walls of his house. He can't even imagine walking past it one day and seeing Kreacher's head up there; he wouldn't even pretend to tolerate that.
Once Kreacher is satisfied with the way Regulus' hair curls kempt in a way that frames his face and further sharpens his already aristocratic features, he steps away from him and urges him out of the door. Regulus makes his way through the corridor and down the steps to the sitting room, where he assumes they will be greeting their guests. Apparently, he had assumed correctly. His mother is perched on the very edge of the main leather couch in the room, whilst his father stands behind her, clearly leaning against it for support, not that Walburga has noticed.
"Mother. Father," Regulus nods respectfully towards the both of them. His mother lifts a splayed out part of her skirt, a plain signal for Regulus to take the seat beside her. He does so without hesitation, moving gracefully, perfectly, the way he was groomed to act. The way he has been trained to exist ever since the day he was born. Sometimes, he wishes he had an older sibling, someone who could take the brunt of his mother's approval and disapproval. Then, Regulus would only be the spare and there would be less eyes on him at all times. He would be a shadow, but he would be left mostly alone.
When the fireplace begins to flicker, Walburga holds out a hand and Regulus takes it, helping her stand. He then gets up himself and remains by his mother's side as he waits for their first guests to arrive. Narcissa's bright blonde hair comes into view and Regulus can't subdue the smile that stretches across his face at the sight of his cousin. He hasn't seen her since Christmas. Merlin, he's missed her.
She steps forward, as she does Lucius appears in the fireplace behind her. His hair has grown since Christmas, now reaching halfway down his biceps. Narcissa steps forward and takes Walburga's hand into hers, not shaking it, just holding it in a friendly gesture.
"It is lovely to see you, auntie," she says with a deferential smiles. "And you uncle," Narcissa holds her hand out to Orion, who takes it in his and presses a chaste kiss onto her knuckles. He pulls her into a familial hug, to which Walburga rolls her eyes. Lucius, thankfully, distracts her by wrapping his hand around hers and leaving a lingering kiss on the back of her hand.
Regulus has to prevent the laughter bubbling up inside his chest at the spark of satisfaction in his mother's eyes. When Lucius walks past Regulus to greet Orion, he meets his eyes first and winks. Regulus grins.
As Narcissa is hugging Regulus, the fireplace flashes once more, emerald flames bursting to life. Regulus watches as Scarlett and her father come through first, soon followed by Mrs Stark. It is surprising seeing how much Scarlett resembles her mother, especially after all of the awful things he has heard about the woman.
Regulus, remembering everything his mother has taught him over the years, walks over to Mr Stark first and holds out his hand. They shake hands courteously and then Regulus moves over to Scarlett's mother, slightly colder than he had been with Scarlett's father. He copies what his father and Lucius had done, pressing a fast peck on the woman's knuckles. Then, like he can't wait any longer, he moves over to Scarlett and asks for her hand silently. Smirking at him, she presents the back of her hand to him and he kisses it.
"Scarlett, it is delightful to be reacquainted with you," he speaks with his poshest accent, pronouncing every single syllable assiduously. "May I say, you look positively radiant tonight." As he says this, Regulus can practically feel his mother's eyes on him. Commendation is what he is hoping for.
"As do you," she smirks, never properly smiling. Today, her hair is up in a fancy knot on top of her head, curls hang loosely around her face, framing it. Her dress is pine-green and floor-length, something Regulus and Scarlett would both agree is far too dramatic for a simple dinner. It is also peculiar seeing her in this colour, the only time she ever wears it is when she is in her Slytherin robes. Otherwise, she tends to wear red or purple clothes, those are favoured colours of hers.
"Shall we?" He asks, holding out his arm for her to take, so he can guide her to the dining room. Scarlett places her hand delicately on his forearm and follows him. Their parents lure behind them like watchful birds waiting for someone to drop some food for them to snatch up. Regulus only remains calm because he knows Narcissa is here, likely to support him. He also has his father, who as always acted as a beacon of safety for him. Then, there's Scarlett. His friend. They are friends now and they're pretending together. They are in this together. That, out of everything, is what relaxes him the most.
Regulus holds out a chair for Scarlett when they arrive and she thanks him vocally, loud enough for her mother to hear from where she is already seated at the opposite side of the table.
Idle conversation ensues between everyone, eventually Kreacher serves them dinner and Regulus uses this as an excuse to not have to answer as many questions as he had been previously.
"It is a full moon tonight," Mrs Stark observes, eyeing the night sky outside the window. "What a good sign."
"I agree," Walburga voices, sharing an almost inscrutable nod with Scarlett's mother.
"A good sign, Mrs Stark?" Narcissa asks curiously. Regulus had been confused by that statement too, but did not have the nerves to question a guest and risk his mother's wrath later.
"The full moon is regularly affiliated with fertility," is what Mrs Stark responds with. Regulus feels Scarlett go stiff beside him, he almost chokes on his food but is able to cover this up by using a napkin to dab at his mouth. Wanting to distract everyone from Regulus' choking, Narcissa speaks up again.
"Is it?" Her voice cracks slightly, which concerns Regulus. Out of the two of them, she has always been better at concealing her true thoughts. When Regulus glances over at her, he notices the slight glimmer of fear in her eyes, hidden almost entirely by her ability to close off her emotions - something every member of the Black family can do.
"Of course, dear," Mrs Stark says, strained. "That and completion. I suppose fertility and completion go hand-in-hand. An heir would complete a union, don't you think?"
"Absolutely, Mrs Stark," Narcissa replies, more restrained this time. Her eyes flicker over to Regulus for less than a second and then return to her plate. He doesn't take his eyes from her, not until she taps the table three times beside her plate subtly. Later.
Dinner goes as ceremoniously as Regulus presumed it would. He and Scarlett are interrogated throughout most of it and there are even faint hints about future possible children between the two of them thrown in by both their mothers. Regulus' mind short-circuits whenever that topic comes up. Children? Really? They are still children themselves. He doesn't even fancy Scarlett - the idea of having kids with her is completely absurd.
When the Starks make their leave, Regulus presses a kiss into Scarlett's cheek this time, making sure not to linger too long. He doesn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. She smiles at him as he pulls back and he takes that as her sign that she didn't mind it. He wonders briefly if her plan won't work and if, one day, he truly will be the father of her children. The idea falls out of his head almost as soon as it had appeared there. Too soon. Way too soon.
"Well done, Regulus," Walburga congratulates tamely once the Starks have left. "That was a successful evening. I am proud." With a stiff nod in the direction of Narcissa and Lucius, Walburga departs from the sitting room. Orion leaves for his study soon after, not before smoothing down Regulus' hair affectionately and kissing a crown of his head. He hugs Narcissa and shakes Lucius' hand, leaving them alone.
"Later?" Regulus turns to his cousin as soon as his father has left. "Is that what you meant?"
"Yes," she responds, shifting uneasily in her chair. Lucius moves from where he is standing behind her chair and sits down by her side instead. He takes her hand lovingly and nods encouragingly. Narcissa breathes in carefully and returns her attention to Regulus. "I'm pregnant."
Regulus' first reaction is to flinch. Babies do not tend to be a particularly celebrated thing in their family, not in the way they should be. It means they will have an heir, someone to continue the two bloodlines, but that is all. Regulus is sure the Blacks and the Malfoys will view this baby in the same way, rather than rejoice following the wonderful news.
"Have you told anyone?" He asks, trying not to show his weariness on his face.
"Just Lucius' father, he is the only one out of our parents we knew would see this baby as more than a blood union between our houses," Narcissa explains. Her hand moves to her stomach, resting against it tenderly.
"How far along are you?"
"Almost three months, so we will be formally announcing it by the end of the month, before my bump begins to show."
"Cissy," Regulus breathes, amazed. She is really having a baby, and it is with someone she actually cares about. Someone she loves. It is so rare that that happens for Purebloods. Regulus is so thankful that if anyone gets to be happy in this family, it is Narcissa. "Do you know the sex yet?" Regulus stands hesitantly from his chair. Lucius scoots across the couch, leaving room for him to sit between them.
Regulus doesn't take his eyes off Narcissa's stomach as she answers. "I took a potion just yesterday," she grins, stroking her stomach once again. "Our baby is a boy." Regulus smiles at the raw joy on his cousin's beautiful face. "We're going to call him Nicholas after one of Lucius' ancestors."
Regulus doesn't resist rolling his eyes at this.
"I know, cheeky," Narcissa tuts jokingly, nudging him. "So, he will be Nicholas Regulus Malfoy."
Regulus whips his head up to look at her dead in the eye. "You're serious?"
"I-" Narcissa falters, staring at him with surprise. "Yes. Of course, I am. You will be his favourite cousin, just as you are mine."
Before he can talk himself out of showing such open affection, Regulus leans forward and wraps his arms carefully around Narcissa, not wanting to hurt little Nicholas.
"I love you," he whispers. It isn't something he says often, to Narcissa or anyone. Love isn't something that has ever come easy to him. Growing up with Walburga pulling the strings of his life like a marionettist made it difficult for him to accept that love is something natural that he cannot control; it is meant to be felt, not shrouded by a formal mask of impassivity.
"I love you too, Reg," she whispers. When they pull away from each other, Narcissa is watching him with a mischievous look in her eyes. "If you would like, I will ask Walburga if I can take you to Diagon Alley again this year?"
"Yes, please," Regulus responds eagerly, nodding his head.
Narcissa chuckles and ruffles his hair, surely ruining Kreacher's careful work. "Alright. It probably won't be until next month, as we'll have to wait until after the news of my pregnancy has died down a bit. Honestly, there is no privacy in this world."
"That is what happens when you marry into the Malfoy family, my dear," Lucius says, grinning.
"Actually, that is what happens when you are a part of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, dearest Lucius," Narcissa remarks playfully. She turns back to Regulus. "You should invite your friends to come along. Perhaps, ask them to meet you at Diagon Alley, so auntie Burga doesn't find out," she winks at him. Regulus cackles at the use of her nickname for his mother.
"Alright," he nods, smiling.
Friday - 13th July, 1973
Narcissa takes him to Diagon Alley halfway through July. The news of the next Malfoy heir on the way had taken over the Wizarding World's newspapers when Narcissa and Lucius had announced it, just as Narcissa proposed it would.
"I can give you a couple of hours with your friends, but then we will have to meet up again and purchase the things on your list," Narcissa says, staring down at the long piece of parchment that encloses his required books and stationary for the upcoming school year. "We wouldn't want her to think I've stolen you permanently, would we?" She smirks.
"Oh, not at all. That would be the worst thing ever," Regulus responds sarcastically. "Are you going to walk me to where I am meeting my friends?"
"If you would like me to," she smiles down at him.
"Okay," Regulus nods happily. "Just so you know, two of the friends I will be meeting are your cousins."
"The twins?" Narcissa asks, looking shocked.
"Yes," Regulus answers hesitantly. "Is that alright?"
"Of course, it is, Regulus." She chuckles and then urges him towards the fireplace with her hand. "Come on, we had better get going."
They floo into the fireplace in the Leaky Cauldron and Narcissa sends a friendly wave to the barkeeper across the room. Regulus strolls by her side through the crowd of people. Apparently, a lot of foreign wizards think Diagon Alley is the perfect location for a summer holiday. When they step onto the street of Diagon Alley, Regulus can feel the buzz of magic fizzling in the air. The colourful buildings stand tall and welcoming; Regulus gets the sudden impulse to visit them all.
He takes Narcissa's hand and guides them through the swarm of wizards and witches, only stopping when they arrive outside Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour. Regulus claims one of the few spare tables out front, waiting for his friends to arrive. A couple of minutes later, Dorcas and Barty depart from the ice-cream shop with bright smiles on their faces as they speak adamantly to one another. Barty is holding a mint-chocolate ice-cream cone, whilst Dorcas has key-lime in a tub. Barty's melts down the cone and slides down his fingers. Regulus cringes at the thought of how sticky his hands must be.
Once they notice him, he waves them over to the table he and Narcissa are seated at. Barty goes to give him a hug, pushing himself towards him with so much force, Regulus almost tumbles out of his chair. He watches as Barty's blob of ice-cream hangs dangerously to the side. Just as he is about to bring this to his friend's attention, Barty pulls back, a wide grin on his face.
"Hello, Regulus," Dorcas greets with an excited wave, not about to hug him because she knows how touch averse he can be. He appreciates this.
"Hello, Dorcas," he moves his gaze over to Barty, who is already evidently experiencing a sugar rush. "Hi, Barty. This is my cousin Narcissa."
Barty, who is practically vibrating in his shoes, turns to look at Narcissa and gasps. "Hello, Narcissa," he holds out a sticky hand for her to take. Narcissa does, not able to hide her grimace. "It is lovely to meet you. Wow, you're even more beautiful than you were in The Daily Prophet. " He takes another big lick of his ice-cream, somehow managing to get it on his chin. Regulus sinks lower into his seat out of embarrassment. Dorcas rolls her eyes and hands Barty a napkin.
"Oh, here comes Pandora and Evan!" Dorcas announces cheerfully, waving at somewhere behind Regulus. He twists in his chair and finds two bright heads of hair bobbing through the busy street. Beside them, there is a tiny house-elf that looks just as anxious to be there as Kreacher surely would if he had been invited.
"Narcissa!" Pandora grins, instantly jumping over to where their cousin is sitting, still attempting to wipe off the sticky residue left over from Barty's disgraceful handshake. She opens her arms for a hug, like a question to make sure it's okay. Narcissa hesitates for only a moment before relenting and pulling Pandora into a motherly hug.
"Hello, you," she smiles adoringly down at the girl in her arms and Regulus feels his heart throb. He hadn't realised how the split between the twins and the rest of their family had affected Narcissa. Regulus has never heard her mention Pandora, or Evan before. He wonders now if that is because it would have been painful to do so, instead of just not speaking about them because she did not care. She clearly does care.
Evan hugs her next and Narcissa makes a joke about how tall he has grown. Honestly, Regulus is sort of jealous. Evan has grown over the month and a half since Regulus saw him. A lot. He must be rivalling even Lupin in height by now. Regulus has barely grown since first year - even Dorcas is taller than he is.
"Well, it was lovely to see you both," Narcissa declares with a warm smile at both twins. "However, I promised Regulus I wouldn't linger. I have a few errands to run," her eyes meet Regulus', "I expect to see you back here in two hours."
"Yes, ma'am," he says cheekily and she rolls her eyes fondly at him. When she leaves, Narcissa takes the Rosier's house-elf - Melanie - with her, claiming to need the help (and as Narcissa is half a Rosier herself, the elf is unable to disobey her).
Pandora ends up leading them towards the bookshop first, muttering something about a book that is finally in stock. Regulus assumes it is one of those ones about rare magical creatures that may or may not (do not) exist. As Pandora goes hunting for the book, dragging Barty and Dorcas along with her, Regulus and Evan go browse the random shelves just for something to do. They share how their summers are going so far. Evan whispers to him about how Pandora had aggravated their father the other night, so he faked a tantrum to remove his father's rage from Pandora and transfer it over to Evan instead. He wouldn't tell Regulus what the man had done, but Regulus knows that when it is so bad you can't even say it out loud, it will probably scar.
"I haven't told anyone else, so please don't," Evan pleads quietly. Regulus promises to keep it to himself.
They end up in the section of the bookstore that holds histories of the sacred twenty-eight, as well as other popular wizarding families. Regulus cocks his head to the side in thought. He hasn't done any further research on Andromeda Black since his failed attempts during the Christmas holidays. Technically, if this Andromeda person had been Bellatrix and Narcissa's sister, she would have been half Rosier.
Regulus turns to Evan. Would his friend even know about this Andromeda person? Regulus doesn't, so how would Evan?
Still, it is the best idea he has had in months and he is beginning to grow both desperate and unmotivated. Usually, he will spend a couple of months researching something he wants an answer to and will end up finding it, but this seems to be leading him down a rabbit hole and he is losing light. He should climb out of it before he is buried alive.
"Evan?"
"Hmm?" Evan hums, checking out the blurb of a book he has grabbed off the shelf.
"Have you ever heard of the name Andromeda before?" He isn't sure what he is going to get out of this, even if Evan has heard of this mystery girl. All Regulus will get is confirmation that she did exist, but will Evan know what happened to her? Will he know why she isn't here now? Why the Blacks refuse to even acknowledge the fact that she had existed once upon a time?
Evan's reaction is not what Regulus expects. He had assumed Evan would either shake his head 'no' or, if he did recognise the name, would start telling Regulus all about her. Instead, Evan's eyes glow bright blue for less than a second and Regulus thinks he's imagined it. It reminds him starkly of what happens to Pandora's eyes when she is recalling something she has seen. Regulus gets the sudden reminder of the night Pandora had explained to him that Evan sometimes shares her dreams and has seen things he should have never seen.
Slowly, his eyes roam upwards until they are level with Regulus', and then he blinks harshly and settles his expression into one of indifference.
"Nope," he shrugs and Regulus knows he is lying.
"So, you've never heard of anyone called Andromeda Black before?" Regulus asks, narrowing his eyes at his friend. He watches Evan's face very carefully, waiting for any sense of recognition, but finds none.
"Sorry, mate. Should I? Is that what Narcissa is naming her kid?" Evan asks nonchalantly, placing the book in his hand back on the shelf in front of them. "Wait, I thought she was having a boy."
"She is," Regulus responds, frustrated. Evan's eyes bounce over to him and watch him warily, but when Regulus initiates eye contact, he looks away. "I suppose it would be just as fruitless asking Pandora," he mutters to himself.
Evan opens his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closes it.
"Come on," Regulus says, nodding towards the front of the shop where their other three friends are waiting in the queue. "We'd better get back."
"Yeah," Evan mumbles, eyes glazing over like he's lost in thought.
Regulus wonders what his friend could be so distracted by. Who was this Andromeda person? Or, perhaps the better question is, who is this Andromeda person?
***
Saturday - 14th July, 1973
Sirius
Sirius rises when the sun does, which is unethically early for a Saturday morning. Living at Hogwarts has led him to adopt a very impractical sleep schedule - Pete's, to be exact. Over the past six weeks, Sirius has worked to retrieve his more organised sleep schedule that synchronises perfectly with his life in Port Isaac. For example, when he starts waking up early enough to hear the neighbour's rooster's calls, he is able to jog down to the docks and lend a hand in the newly arrived shipment of fish. Mo had been pleased to hear that Sirius' heart was still set upon becoming a piscator. Sirius wonders if he could convince one of his friends to pick up the same job as him, then they could work together. However, he can't picture any of them enjoying the job. James would find it too uninteresting, Pete too disgusting, whilst Remus' wolf would likely be constantly ravenous beneath his skin from the scent of tons of fresh fish.
During the long weeks bare of his marauders, Sirius has spent his days with Xeno, whose friend Astro had come to visit during the middle of June. The three of them lounged in the sea and played games of volleyball and crab football on the beach during the day, and then spent evenings either playing Quidditch in Xeno's garden or playing games inside.
Sirius has found himself so busy this summer, he hasn't flown with his mum once. It's strange because he assumes she would have pestered him about it, as she usually does when he forgets. However, she hasn't asked him to go to the woods once all summer.
Sirius spends his Saturday evening wiping the snow globes in the shop free from the layer of dust that had begun to blanket them. The snow globes have always been his favourite part of the antiques shop his parents own, especially the ones that rain down with glitter. He tips one over now, watching as the sparkles inside spin around, reflecting off the small faint light the fixture on the wall emits. There are two tiny figures in the centre of the globe. The one on the left is a woman, pointing up at something above. Perhaps the glitter that still falls around them. (Sirius pretends they are stars and that the small lady is stargazing.) The second figure, the one on the right, is not watching the sky but has their eyes fixed on their partner. There's a small crescent moon painted onto his shirt in yellow. It reminds Sirius of Remus.
The full moon is tomorrow. He hopes Moony will be alright.
As the glitter lands around the bottom of the couple, Sirius shakes it again, tipping the globe upside down. When he holds it right again, he watches the glitter reflect in the porcelain eyes of the woman. Star struck - that is how she looks.
Once the glitter has fallen again, Sirius examines the base of the globe. It's made of dark wood (maybe Titus wood?) and has hand-carved ivy vines looping around it. At the point where the ivy breaks off, there is a small plaque carved in the wood that reads 'MY EYES FALL VICTIM TO A STAR OF WHOM STARGAZES'.
Sirius turns that over in his mind, pondering on what it could possibly mean. It would make sense if it were a message from the man inside the snow globe. Well, not the man, but the person the figurine is based upon. If he were naming the lady a star, one of whom stargazes herself, that would make sense.
Turning over the globe to see if he can discover any indication to who could have created such a thing, Sirius finds something else instead. Carved in swirly cursive, where the other message had been in serif capitals, there is a second message: 'AN ECLIPSE COULD NOT STOP ME FROM LOVING MY MOON'.
"I thought you would take an interest to that one," a voice says from behind Sirius. He looks over his shoulder and finds his dad smiling down from behind him. "The woman, like you, was named after a star. Shaula, I think was her name."
"The second brightest star in the Scorpius constellation," Sirius murmurs, intrigued by the extra bit of information. "So, it is the man talking about her?"
"On this part, yes," Ted reaches to point out the plaque encircled by carved ivy. "However, the bottom message was one of Shaula's after her husband passed away."
"What was his name?" Sirius asks.
"Janus after one of Saturn's moons."
"So, he is the moon and she is the star," he mumbles to himself. Then, he whips his head around sharply, his dad's words only now sinking in. "Wait. He died ?"
"I am afraid it happens, Sirius," his dad nods grimly. "He created snow globes for a living and this was the last he made, depicting himself and his wife as teenagers. The eclipse, if I remember correctly, is supposed to symbolise his death and their separation. Shaula would not let that stop her from loving Janus, even once he was dead."
"Is she still alive?" He knows the woman likely isn't - the snow globe appears to be over one-hundred years old at least.
"Unfortunately, she passed away almost sixty years ago now," Ted responds quietly. "Janus died in only his thirties, whilst she lived to be almost seventy."
"She went that long without him?" Sirius gapes. He doesn't think he would be able to do such a thing; live for so long after the person he spent his entire life loving died.
His dad nods and turns the object over in Sirius' hand, brushing his index finger lightly over the words carved there by Shaula. "Janus asked him to live for them both, so she did. This is what she wrote on her final day. A last goodbye, but also... a see you soon."
Sirius' heart pangs in his chest. "That's beautiful."
"Yes, it is."
"I- when I first saw it, I thought of Remus," Sirius chuckles, feeling silly for admitting that out loud. "We- the boys, I mean, have a nickname for him. Moony. So, when I saw the moon on the shirt, I just thought... well, it could be Remus."
"That's lovely, Sirius," Ted says and Sirius can sense the smile in his voice, but doesn't look up to see it. "And who would be the star?"
"I don't know," he frowns.
Neither of them say anything, so Sirius turns the globe right-side up again and admired the sparkles that the glitter reflects onto his palm.
"You could give it to him, if you want," Ted speaks as the final dusting of glitter drops onto the Janus figurine. "Perhaps, you could be the star."
Sirius meets his dad's eyes, his own widening slightly at the very thought of that. "It isn't like that."
"Janus and Shaula were married," Ted nods knowingly, never removing his eyes from Sirius', "but before anything else, they were best friends. Is Remus not your best friend?"
"Yes," Sirius agrees, sceptical about where this conversation could be heading.
"Love isn't always romantic. Sometimes, other forms of love are much more powerful. They tend to be more durable, at the very least," Ted chuckles and Sirius finds himself laughing along with his dad.
"Maybe I will give it to him... one day," Sirius adds. "For now, can I keep it? Or do you need it for the shop?"
"I've been hiding it from customers for months, knowing it would eventually catch your eye and you would want it," he admits and Sirius grins in response.
"What are you two whispering about?"
Sirius and his dad both turn around at the third voice. He holds the snow globe protectively to his chest and tells his mum about how his dad is letting him keep it. She rolls her eyes fondly and mentions something about how Ted is far too lenient about what he simply gives away.
"I am your son," Sirius argues petulantly.
"Yeah, he is our son," Ted backs him up, folding his arms jokingly.
"And you say he gets his dramatics from me," Andy snorts.
Now that Sirius has his mum here in front of him, he remembers what he had been thinking about earlier. How they haven't gone flying since Christmas.
"Mum, can we go flying tomorrow? It feels like we haven't in years and we don't even have flying lessons at Hogwarts anymore," he pouts.
"I thought you hated the flying classes and said they offered no real challenge," Andy raises an eyebrow, smirking.
"And I meant every word," Sirius says seriously. "But it was better than no flying at all. So, can we go?"
His mum looks over at his dad and they share a glance Sirius doesn't understand. They are clearly trying to communicate something to each other, so Sirius stands and waits for one of them to speak up. They have never been able to keep a secret from him, other than the whole not knowing who his mum's family is, but that is her business, not his.
"I can't, it wouldn't be safe," his mum eventually answers and Sirius frowns at her, confused.
"What do you mean 'it wouldn't be safe '?" Sirius turns to look briefly at his dad, only to find him still watching Andy. He returns his focus to his mum. "We always go flying."
"It wouldn't be safe... for the baby."
"I heard what you said. I don't understand why-" Sirius pauses. Wait. What? What? "What did you just say?"
He strangles the snow globe in his arms, eyes so wide they feel like they are about to burst free from their sockets, as he awaits whatever his mum is about to say.
"It wouldn't be safe to go flying because I'm pregnant, Sirius."
Sirius blinks. Then, he blinks again. "You're..." He looks at his mum's stomach, which doesn't look bigger in the slightest. Then, he thinks this may be quite rude and moves his gaze over to his dad. "She's..."
"You are going to be a big brother, Sirius," Ted nods.
"I'm..." Sirius gapes. His eyes wander to the floor as what they are telling fully sinks in. "I'm going to be a big brother?" He grins, feeling as heat blooms from the centre of his chest and radiates through his entire body. Something spikes in the corner of his eyes and he feels as unexpected tears begin to well up. "Are you sure?"
"Definitely," Andy nods, watching her son with apprehension.
"Oh," Sirius whimpers, cradling the snow globe even tighter than he had been before. "That's so..." It only takes three large steps for him to reach his mum. When he does, he wraps his arms (and his snow globe) around his mum's stomach, careful not to squeeze too tight because there is a baby in there now. A baby.
"I take it you're happy then?" Andy laughs, hugging him back.
Sirius pulls away slightly and looks up at her. "Of course, I'm happy. I'm going to have a little brother or sister!"
"Sister," she whispers, sporting tears of her own now.
"Sister," Sirius cries and buries his face back into his mum's shirt. "I'm going to have a little sister."
"Yes, you are," Andy strokes Sirius' hair affectionately and then drops a kiss in his mane of curls. "She should be with us in February, if my potion results were accurate."
"I can't believe it," Sirius whispers. "I'm going to be a brother."
Monday - 16th July, 1973
Sirius' family (on his dad's side, of course) journey down to Cornwall to visit for a week. His grandma Miriam and grandpa Eddie come, along with his aunt, uncle and cousins. It is rare that his grandparents make the long trip from London to Cornwall. In their old age, it has become increasingly more difficult for them to travel, resulting in Sirius seeing them less frequently than he had in the earlier years of his childhood.
Sirius is pleased to see his young cousins - Miriam and Elliot. The last time he did had been last summer when his auntie Elsie and uncle Toby brought them down for a week. Miriam had been only seven then, and Elliot six. Now, they are a year older and Sirius offers a dramatic display over realising how tall they have both grown. Elliot places his hands on his hips and states that Sirius could not possibly notice a change within a year. He rolls his eyes at the little swot in the making and ruffles his shaggy hair that matches Ted and Elsie's so well. His auntie Elsie - or Elspeth, but she prefers Elsie - is his dad's sister.
Miriam, unlike her little brother, takes Sirius' words literally and goes to stand beside him, measuring herself against his height. Sirius blanches slightly when he discovers his eight-year-old cousin is already reaching up to his shoulders. He presses his hand flat to her head and pretends to gently push it down. She giggles as he tells her to stop growing so much.
Sirius has no idea why he is so short like his mum, whilst the rest of their family seem to have the tall genes Sirius missed.
That night, they sit down to a family dinner. Conversation makes its way down the table as they all catch up. The kids' giggles only grow as Sirius tells them about the "fantasy school" he goes to. Of course, all of the adults know he isn't joking and that this is his only way of sharing his real life with his cousins - through storytelling. It all has to be a fantasy.
He tells them all about his friends, even Lily, whom he names the know-it-all witch. (Elliot seems to find this amusing, laughing into his glass of water.) Miriam asks him about the castle and so he describes it in vast detail, disclosing some of it's secrets. Not the ones his parents likely do not know about, but things such as how the kitchen is hidden behind a painting of fruit.
"You have to tickle a pear to get in?" Elliot raises an eyebrow disbelievingly at Sirius. "That sounds silly."
"Oh, well," Sirius places a piece of broccoli in his mouth, swallowing it before he continues, "this school is silly. There's a sport where you fly on brooms and a man over ten feet tall that lives on the edge of the magical woods." He nods seriously at his younger cousins; they gape at him with amazed expressions.
"I want to go!" Miriam shouts, bouncing about on her seat excitedly until her mum scolds her, telling her not to break their chair.
"They wouldn't let me in," Elliot mumbles quietly, using his fork to play with the food on his plate.
"Why not?" Sirius frowns.
Elliot glances up at him and then to his sister. "Miriam made a teacup explode the other day with her mind. I tried but I couldn't do it."
Sirius' frown only deepens as he turns back to Miriam, who is nodding excitedly as if to prove what her brother has just said is correct. Sirius' parents seem to be just as shocked as he is, staring at Elsie and Toby with half-open mouths.
"Oh, yes," Sirius' aunt begins, placing her knife and fork gently down on the table. "We were going to mention it to you at a later point. We didn't want to ruin our first night back together," she announces clearly, sending a pointed look at her daughter. Miriam only shrugs as she continues to jump in her seat. Sirius wonders if she managed to get into his hidden stash of sugar quills - she looks like she is living through a sugar rush.
"Mention what, El?" Ted asks, eyeing his sister with intrigue.
"Well, uh..." She glances at her husband, they share a nod. "Miriam has displayed a few accidental bursts of... you know. We have reason to believe she might be just like you, Ted."
"You think she's...?" Sirius' dad breathes, eyes wide. "Are you sure? Sometimes, if it runs in the family, it can happen once but not mean anything."
"Oh, we're sure," uncle Toby chuckles from beside his wife. "Not only has she made a teacup explode, but what else have you done, Miriam?"
"I couldn't climb the tree at the park like the other kids, so I flew up," she says offhandedly. Sirius gasps quietly. "Oh! Also, when I couldn't reach the cereal in the pantry, I made it reach me instead."
Sirius watches his mum examine his young cousin. He doesn't know if she has some way of seeing magical potential in someone. He is sure if she can, she will see it in Miriam. Sirius doesn't know why he had never thought this a possibility before. That someone else in his family could be magical too (other than his parents). He had entertained the idea, but it never seemed probable, so he'd always just assumed Miriam and Elliot were Muggles like their parents. However, it is obvious that the magical gene runs in their family because Sirius' dad came from two Muggle parents and he is a wizard. That means... Miriam is a witch.
Miriam is a witch.
Sirius feels a burst of exhilaration in his chest. He starts to bounce in his chair giddily.
Miriam is only five school years below him, meaning if she does go to Hogwarts, they will get to go together. Granted, Sirius will be a sixth year when she is a first year, so it will only be for two years - but still.
Andy nods in the direction of Miriam's parents and their reactions are a mixture of shock and glee. When they glance down at their daughter, it seems to hit them that they will have to admit to their children they have been keeping this family secret hidden from them for years.
It will be even harder if Elliot turns out to lack the magical gene. It will go just as it had for Ted and Elsie - one magical child and one, decidedly, not.
Sirius swivels in his chair to face his younger cousins. With a deep breath, "It's all real."
"Sirius, " Andy admonishes, but Sirius ignores her.
"The school, the brooms, the magic. It's all real, Ri-Ri. You are a witch," he says it all in one burst, so that no one can stop him. He thinks he would have liked it if someone he looked up to, someone closer to his age, could have told him that he was special (that is, if he hadn't grown up already having the knowledge).
Miriam's eyes move over to her parents for a second before returning to Sirius'. "You mean it? You're not fibbing are you?"
"I never fib," Sirius points out, to which half of the people sitting at the table scoff. "I mean it. You are a witch and I am a wizard. My mum and dad have magic too."
"Show me!" Miriam orders, staring adamantly at Sirius.
"I would, but I'm not of age. You have to be of age to perform magic away from school, otherwise you get into trouble," he explains. He doesn't expect the reaction he gets - Miriam's bottom lip begins to quiver.
"Will I get into trouble because of what I did?"
"No, no," he quickly says, mentally berating himself for making her think such a thing. "You didn't know. It was an accident. They don't mind if you are a kid and didn't know what you were doing."
"Oh, okay," she sags with relief. Then, she turns to Sirius' parents. "Can you show me?"
Sirius watches out of the corner of his eye as Elliot turns his attention to Andy and Ted too, curiosity plaguing his eyes.
There's a moment of shared eye contact between the two sets of parents before Sirius' mum clears her throat, leaning forward in her chair until her face is only a few inches away from Miriam's.
"What's your favourite animal, Ri-Ri?"
"Fishies," Miriam responds eagerly.
Andy hums approvingly and then swishes her hand through the air. The lights in the room dim and suddenly there's a ball of blue light illuminating the space above their heads. It bursts into thousands of tiny specs, like glitter drifting in a snow globe. She rolls her hand through the mix and the dots begin to clump together into eight Siamese fighting fish. They swim around each other, weaving through the air as if it's water. Then, they gallop towards Miriam and start spinning around her head. She laughs jovially, green eyes never moving from the floating fish.
One of the fishes bops her nose with it's face gently and then the fish morph together into one blob of light once again, before exploding. The sparks jolt out like shrapnel and then rain down over Miriam and Elliot. The lights in the room return just as the last spark blinks out of existence.
"Think I'm fibbing now?" Sirius asks smugly.
Miriam slowly turns to him, eyes wide and wonder-filled. "Magic," she breathes.
Sunday - 22nd July, 1973
On the last day of their visit, Miriam and Elliot beg Sirius to show them his broom. He pretends to reluctantly agree, but really he is excited to finally get to show them this side of his life.
Sirius takes them to Xeno's house first, hoping he will want to come with them. Astro left a few days ago and Sirius has been busy with his family. He has felt bad for leaving Xeno to be alone all week, even though he knows his friend enjoys isolation just as he does the company of others.
"This is my magical wizard-man friend," Sirius announces, dramatically gesturing with his hand towards Xenophilius. He lifts his chin and swishes his white, shoulder-length hair over his shoulder.
"'Tis I," Xeno declares theatrically, catching onto what Sirius is doing immediately. "What may I do for you tiny people today?"
"Tiny?" Miriam gasps, offended.
"Better for sneaking around," Xeno says with a wink. Miriam giggles and tells Sirius she likes this friend of his. He snorts and asks Xeno if he would like to join them on their trip into the woods.
"Let's leave now!" Xeno beams ecstatically. He pokes his head back into his house and yells at his mother that he will be gone for a few hours with "Sirius and his tiny people".
"Why are you wearing a dress?" Miriam asks the white-haired boy as they make their way to the woods. Xeno is sporting tie-dye robes, much like the ones he was wearing when Sirius first caught sight of the boy in the forest all those years ago. He hopes if Xeno decides to start howling up at the sky today and dancing like a male peacock during mating season, that he will warn the young ones first. Sirius is sure Miriam would be frightened and Elliot would be downright scandalised.
"These are my very special wizard robes," he replies. "Would you like to feel the fabric? It's made out of the hair of a Minotaur. Very soft."
Miriam reaches forward to feel the sleeve of Xeno's robe where he is holding it out to her. She grins and comments on how surprisingly silky it feels.
"Oh, you think this is silky? You should feel an invisibility cloak - those are made out of Wrackspurt fur."
Sirius fails to mention the fact that he has actually felt an invisibility cloak - James' to be precise. He has never heard of a Wrackspurt and questions whether what Xeno has just said is true or if invisibility cloaks have another origin.
"What is a Wrackspurt?" Elliot voices before Sirius gets the chance to.
"Invisible creatures that float into your ears and make your brain go fuzzy. You, young man-"
"Elliot."
"Young Elliot," Xeno continues, "have none. Your sister on the other hand... she has an infestation of them."
"What ?!" Miriam squeals, slamming her hands over her ears as if to block them from invisible creatures. "Is it bad?"
"Not at all," Xeno reassures her, slowly removing Miriam's hands from her ears with his own. "It is rare that a person, especially a Muggle, would not have them."
"Oh, good," Miriam relaxes.
They meet the beginning of the forest and Sirius leads them through the trees towards the glade. When they arrive, Xeno leans down to pick up a bunch of leaves. He rubs them between his fingers before dropping them into the wind.
"A stag will visit these woods," he mutters, eyeing the way the crumpled bits of leaves fly off.
"That isn't very safe," Sirius grimaces. "Maybe we should find another spot-"
"Not now," Xeno adds. He looks up and Sirius notices his blue eyes glowing slightly. "But soon."
"How can you tell?" Elliot queries, looking down at the ground where a few stray leaves are piling together as if they will give him the answer.
"I see things."
"He sees things other wizards and witches cannot," Sirius adds, knowing immediately that Miriam will start asking questions regarding how she can do such a thing.
"Woah," Miriam grins.
"Now, who wants to go for a fly?" Sirius asks, holding out his broom and waving it.
"I thought we were just going to watch you," Elliot says, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at Sirius.
"If you sit in front of me, I can keep you safe and then you can see how it feels," Sirius explains.
"I-" Miriam begins but is cut off by Elliot for once.
"Okay. I want to. I might not have magic, but I want to experience it once."
Sirius looks at Miriam and she nods understandingly. He hadn't expected that. Usually, Miriam wants to experience everything first. Sirius assumes it has something to do with being the older sibling.
He mounts his broom and then crouches slightly so that Elliot can climb on in front of him. Once they are both settled firmly on the broom, with Sirius' arms on either side of Elliot's torso for extra safety, Sirius kicks off from the ground and glides surprisingly easily into the sky. Elliot rocks slightly on the broom but once he has righted himself, Sirius hears him exhale quickly.
"This is brilliant," he whispers.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes," Elliot says. "I am. I can't believe we're flying. You're like Peter Pan."
Sirius chuckles at the comment. "I guess I sort of am. Would you like to go to Neverland?"
Elliot giggles and it makes Sirius smile. His cousin is always so serious for such a young child. "I would say yes, but I think Miriam will throw a tantrum if she doesn't get to have her turn soon."
"You're probably right."
Sirius does a couple of laps of the glade and then brings them back to the ground. Miriam has her turn and then Sirius offers his broom to Xeno, who takes it gratefully and spins around like a tornado in the leaves of the trees.
They stay until the sun begins to drop behind the trees. When they return home, Miriam and Elliot have to go. Sirius has never been so disheartened to see them leave.
Saturday - 28th July, 1973
"Come on, Evans. My parents won't give a shit if you keep your shoes on or not," Sirius groans, stamping his foot petulantly on the floor.
"Well, it's manners. We've been playing in the sand all day, so I don't want to traipse my mess all over the shop's floor," Lily argues. She is bent over right now, very slowly undoing her shoelaces on her cherry-red trainers.
"Customers already make the floor gross," Sirius says, gesturing to the sandy and dirty floor. "Besides, we have this handy dandy little thing called magic that helps us clean up quickly."
Lily just huffs, ignoring him. Sirius turns to Peter and James. Peter is waiting just as impatiently as he is, whilst James hums a little tune, not giving a damn. He removed his shoes too, but it hadn't taken so long, since he had been wearing flipflops.
"There," Lily says, neatly tucking her shoes onto the shoe-rack near the front door. Sirius rolls his eyes as she finally follows after them.
"What part of we only have now to do this do you not get, Evans?" Sirius snaps.
"Well, sorry. How dare I not want to make a mess on your floor, Tonks," Lily grumbles back.
"Sand is fine, water is worse and your hair is leaking all over the floorboards." He points out, finger poking in the direction of the trail of droplets Lily's dripping wet hair has created on the floor.
"Oh," she flinches. "Oops."
Sirius snorts. "It's fine, Lily. I'm just teasing. Now, really, come on. My parents will be back in an hour, we need to do this now."
"Right, yes. Come on, boys." She marches forward, now leading the way. The three boys don't argue with her, running up the stairs to Sirius' tower after her. Lily stops on the first floor to retrieve her book from her bag in the spare room she is sleeping in. It's the notebook she has been using to keep track of her half of the Animagus research.
When they get to Sirius' room, he reaches into his school trunk, which is still half-packed, and finds the thick notebook at the bottom of it, pieces of paper sticking out of it in all directions. A sticky-note or two falls out as he lifts it out.
The four of them sit on the floor in a circle, if four people can sit in a circle. Lily and Sirius lay their notebooks out in the middle.
"I've made copies for the three of you, so that you can revise it over the next school year. I'm sure Sirius did the same," she turns her green eyes to him, and when he nods she carries on. "Brilliant. So, we're really starting now. Okay."
"It isn't too late to back out now, Lily," James says, resting a friendly hand on her bare, freckled shoulder. It's slightly sunburnt even though she got Sirius to apply sunscreen on her before they left the house this morning. Apparently, it's a ginger thing. "It won't make you any less a part of this, considering all of the time and effort you have put into the research."
"No, I want to do this." Lily's expression is one of pure certainty, no trace of dubiety to be seen. "I am going to do this. Okay, so I've discovered the only place we are likely to retrieve the dew," she turns to Sirius, since he is the only person who knows what she is talking about, "is the Forbidden Forest around Hogwarts. Humans rarely go in there and it said nothing about animals or creatures' feet. I looked into that too, since we don't want to leave anything up to chance. It will still work, so long as human feet have not touched it."
"Okay," Sirius nods along. "So, all we have to do is go into the Forbidden Forest, deep enough to be certain no other human has ever been there. Easy-peasy. What else?"
"Here," Lily hands out their copies of all her research. It's neat and organised, similarly to how Sirius' notes are. "We will have to steal a few things from Slughorn's supply cupboard," Lily flinches and Sirius almost laughs at the idea of goody-goody Lily Evans thieving from a professor. "Either that or one of you will have to order it from a shop in the wizarding world. I might be able to find it in Diagon Alley, which could actually be better because my parents won't know what a suspicious item it is. However, I don't like my chances and I don't want to risk this taking longer than it needs to."
"My father might have some of these ingredients in his lab," James utters, eyes scanning over the list of peculiar ingredients. "I've definitely seen these specific type of moths in jars before."
"If you can, snatch them and we can examine them first to make sure they are correct," Lily says.
"Where will we be hiding the ingredients?" Peter asks.
"I've been thinking of a place Remus doesn't know of, but I can't think of anywhere. So, I came up with Godric's room," Sirius suggests. "We rarely go down there and it's impossible that anyone else will find the ingredients. The only people that know about the room are people we trust, so if they do discover what we are doing, we can try and convince them not to go running to a teacher immediately."
"What about the second tunnel?" Peter perks up and the three other people in the room give them his full attention. "Well, I know we haven't gone down there yet, but Remus said it smelled like Muggle window cleaner, right?"
"Right."
"Isn't that a very strong smell? It could cover up other scents?"
"Oh, you are brilliant, Pete!" Sirius yells. He leans across the circle and starts showering Peter with kisses all over his cheeks and forehead.
"Geroff," Peter complains, swatting him away. "We will have to see what is down there first, but if it's safe, we could use it."
"It's excellent," Lily speaks up, patting Peter gently on the shoulder. "So, we have a plan. James will grab the moths, we will steal Mandrake leaves from Herbology easily, one of us needs to fetch the dew from very deep in the forest - perhaps two people, for safety." She lists everything off on her fingers, always efficient. "Then, we should probably all look down the second tunnel together and have it be a group decision whether it is a good enough hiding place or not."
"Great," Sirius claps his hands together.
"Fantastic," Peter adds.
"Sounds like a plan," James says.
They all stare at each other, giddy with anticipation for what is to come. Their best adventure awaits.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Some of you guessed it! Regulus was the one who used the Polyjuice Potion, and as you can see he regrets it immensely.
-Michael Tipppett was a real English composer from the early 1900s, who was openly gay! (so, of course, Regulus listens to his music.)
-idk why I wrote Lucius the way I did. I have never read anything where he's been a decent human being before and thought I would give him one chance (he is kind of growing on me...)
-Scarlett and Reg are a power duo
-Narcissa and Andromeda are both pregnant! together! but they don't speak anymore :( (Nymphadora is on her way)
-I love Narcissa so so so so much <3
-not Narcissa joking about stealing Regulus... it's kind of giving Andromeda stealing Sirius 👀
-Barty is like one of those children who always has sticky hands (ew.)
-Evan ❤ they could never make me hate you
-Ted totally ships Wolfstar btw (all of the adults do)
-Sirius is going to be a big brother !! 😆 (he already is though..)
-Miriam is a witch whooo! I love her (and Elliot), she's such a cutie <3
-Xeno interacting with children is one of the cutest things I have ever wrote
-I love the little animagi quartet/club thing they have going on with Lily ❤❤Another long rant by me! If you couldn't already tell, I adore this chapter and next chapter - see you next week! Thank you for reading and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 10K HITS!!! I LOVE YOU ALL xx
Chapter 30: Third Year: Monsters Are Supposed To Live Under the Bed
Summary:
James visits Wales during the summer.
Remus has a nightmare.
James' past comes back to him.
James has a strange interaction with someone on the train.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of "murder scene" in a movie (not descriptive)
-nightmares
-child injured/attacked
-blood
-vomit (very brief, not descriptive)
-brief mention of child's death and the murderer
-child abuse/scars/signs of not being fed enoughThere are a lot of warnings in this one, so take care of yourselves! As always, if I've missed any warnings, feel free to let me know and I'll fix it as soon as I can! :)
I am publishing an early chapter today because I promised my best friend (Makayla - that's you 😉) that I would! It's a bit shorter than the last chapter but it was still a bitch to edit! If there are any mistakes, no there isn't. You don't see them. It's all an illusion.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Every corner of this house is haunted.
~ Gracie Abrams
Monday - 6th August, 1973
Remus
James arrives in the fireplace at Lupin cottage that afternoon, covered in soot and holding a very large trunk. Lyall frees his hands by offering to take his luggage, whilst Remus helps his friend out onto the floor, which grows grimy when James' soot-ridden shoes hit it.
"Oh, sorry," he grimaces.
"Don't worry about it," Lyall responds with a smile. "I'll clean it up in a minute."
They go up to Remus' bedroom and drop off James' trunk there. Lupin cottage doesn't have any spare bedrooms, so Remus will be using one of the air mattresses that his family usually reserve for camping trips.
James' eyes wander around as they make their way through the house, taking in every single detail. Remus winces when he remembers the few mortifying baby pictures his mam has hanging on the walls in the corridor. Thankfully, James doesn't say anything about them, only laughs under his breath.
"This is my bedroom," he says awkwardly when they reach it.
James steps through the threshold and a grin makes its way onto his face. "It's very you."
"Funny that," Remus snorts. "Is there anything you want to do first? If there is, unfortunately it'll have to wait. My friends were insisting they meet you as soon as you got here."
James turns to Remus, curiosity plaguing his eyes. "Friends? Oh, yes. Sorry, sometimes I forget you have a life outside of Hogwarts. I'm just so used to seeing you with us lot."
"Well, I definitely do have friends. Only three. And they are all waiting in the forest, if you want to go now?"
"Give him a minute, Remus," Lyall says, having returned from wherever he ran away to. Remus notices the pile of towels in his hands and realises he had probably gone and fetched them for James. He lies them on the desk in the corner of the room before departing, leaving the two boys alone.
"So, do you want to?" He asks, watching James who is still admiring Remus' room. "You can say no if it makes you uncomfortable."
"No, it's alright. I don't mind what we do," James admits, finally looking at Remus. He grins. "Show me what you usually do in Wales."
"Okay, come on then." Remus goes to leave the room but is momentarily distracted by the sight of James' fancy Pureblood shoes. He almost rolls his eyes at the way James casually wears them every day, where Remus would only wear shoes like those during Easter and Christmas - and even then, only because his mam would force him to.
"What?" James questions, following Remus' line of sight and staring down at his feet.
"You might want to change into some more... durable shoes."
"These are plenty durable, Remus."
"There are marshes," he smirks and James opens his mouth as if to argue, but then looks back down at his fancy-pants shoes and nods.
"Yeah, maybe I'll change them," James mumbles as he starts undoing his laces.
"Good idea," Remus says.
Once James has changed into appropriate shoes (rhedeg trwy draed tail is what Remus' mother would call them), they make their way back downstairs and out the back door.
James asks questions about what Remus' parents are growing, to which Remus informs him that they grow most of the produce for the village. They pass the horses and Remus promises James that after they have seen his friends, they can go for a ride. James looks both excited and frightened at the prospect of actually riding the horses, but Remus remembers that expression on Lily's face before she had given it a try and gotten on well.
The treeline comes into view and Remus starts walking faster, anxious for his friends to meet James. He just knows they are all going to love him. Especially, Felix, who reminds Remus so much of the bespectacled wizard beside him. He turns to his friend, only to find he isn't there.
Turning around, Remus discovers James standing a few feet behind him, staring towards the large trees with petrified eyes. It takes only a second for Remus to realise what the problem is. He returns to his friend's side and rests a comforting hand on his shoulder. It makes James flinch.
"Hey, we don't have to go in there if you can't. Don't force yourself," Remus speaks softly. James glances up at him with big eyes and Remus feels his heart pang in his chest. He doesn't let the small amount of pity he is feeling show on his face, knowing James appreciates Remus for not ever offering him pity. James hates pity. "If this helps your mentality at all, it isn't the same forest. It isn't very dark either, the trees are all very far apart which helps bring in more light."
"It's okay. I'm okay." James nods, reassuring himself as well as Remus. "I can do it because it isn't the same forest. Like you said, it isn't dark and," James removes Remus' hand from his shoulder and holds onto it, "I won't be alone. There is no need to be afraid."
Remus would allow himself to be assured by that statement alone, if it weren't for the almost imperceptible quiver in James' voice.
"Are you sure? We could always see them tomorrow."
"No," James shakes his head. "We are doing this." Then, he's marching towards the forest determinedly, pulling Remus with him.
James doesn't hesitate when they reach the first layer of trees, walking in a few metres before he finally slows down. Remus makes sure to check in on him every couple of minutes as they continue through the woods. He can feel James' hand shaking in his. He squeezes it a few times, whether in consolation or encouragement or both, he isn't sure.
It takes about twenty minutes before Remus' werewolf hearing picks up on the sound of distant laughter, somewhere east of where he and James are heading. He changes their course and it isn't long before they come across Remus' three friends. Cara is lounging in the grass, leisurely plaiting daisies into her long, dark hair, whilst Felix is attempting to climb a tree. Marie is already sitting on one of the highest branches, legs dangling down and swinging back and forth as she laughs down at her friend.
"Stop laughing!" Felix grunts, foot slipping on one of the stumps sticking out of the large trunk he is trying to tackle.
"You're going to embarrass yourself when Remus and his friend show up, you know," Cara calls in a sing-song voice. Felix scowls down at her, his pride (and his dignity) slowly disintegrating.
"Remus and his friend are here," Remus announces at the three, now standing over Cara and casting a shadow over the patch of sun she had previously been lounging in. She squints up at him and James, Felix turns to look at them and ends up falling off the tree completely. Marie's cackle floats down from above and Remus feels his heart twist elatedly at the sound.
Felix makes a thud noise as he hits the floor and then, without hesitation, lifts his hand into the air in James' direction. "I'm Felix."
James instantly shakes the hand offered to him, introducing himself, and then uses his grip on the boy on the floor to pull him up.
"Thanks," Felix says, brushing himself off. He smiles brightly at James. "Hello!"
"Hello," James laughs nervously.
"That's Cara," Remus points at the girl on the floor, "you've met Felix, and that is Marie." They both look up at the girl still hanging from the tree above. She beams down at them as she now dangles upside down from the branch she had just been sitting on. Her legs grip it, keeping her from falling. Her hair drapes down around her like a curtain, hiding most of her face from sight. She's wearing shorts today, over a dark-purple swimming costume.
"Mae'n braf cwrdd â chi, James," she calls down and James opens his mouth as if to respond, until he realises he has no idea what she just said. Remus laughs at his friend's expense, before helping him out.
"She says it is nice to meet you," Remus fills in and James hums in response before shouting up the same thing, but in English.
Cara tuts, sitting up in the grass until she is leaning on her elbows. She brings the sunglasses that were on her head down to cover her eyes. "I thought you said you're teaching one of them Welsh."
"I am. Not James."
"I'm not patient enough for that," James says and Felix and Marie both laugh.
"Which one then?" Cara asks and Remus is only glad that James is too polite and oblivious not to notice Cara's rudeness. It's not that she does it on purpose, it's just... who she is. Remus doesn't mind it, but he understands that newer people may not appreciate it.
"Sirius," Remus replies.
"Sirius?" Marie asks, suddenly closer than before. Remus looks up and finds she is now dangling from the lowest branch, so her face is right beside his. He takes a step back to break the close proximity. "What sort of name is that?"
"What sort of name is Remus ?" Remus counters.
"True," Felix snorts and Remus kicks him.
"A pretty name," Marie says. "It's like that wolf from the Greek story."
Remus feels himself pale and senses James' panic from where he is next to him. They look at each other quickly and then back at Marie.
"Uh, what?" Remus squeaks.
"We learnt it in our Greek mythology class," Marie explains. "Remus and Romulus - they founded the city of Rome, I think, and one of them killed the other. Apparently, they were wolves too! They were raised by a wolf-woman called Lupa or something. Hey! Like Lup-in." She giggles and Remus feels all of the blood in his body vanish. So, his name means wolf wolf. Excellent. Of course, it does. Why wouldn't it?
Beside him, James bursts into laughter and is quickly followed by the other three. Remus glares at them all. He is sure Marie, Cara and Felix would find it even more amusing if they knew the truth about what he is. Either that or they would run screaming from him.
"Yeah, well. James' middle name is Fleamont, so."
"Hey, that is my father's name," James argues, as if that will protect him from Remus' friends' laughter.
"So, there's Remus John Lupin, James Fleamont-" Marie stops, not knowing James' last name.
"Potter," he fills in.
"Okay, James Fleamont Potter," she snorts. "And then there's Sirius. Sirius what?"
"Sirius Edward Tonks," Remus says.
"Of course," Felix breathes, laughing harder than before.
"Are you sure you aren't pulling our tails?" Cara asks, now standing between James and Felix.
"No, really. The only somewhat normal ones are Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald. The rest of our friends have weird names."
"What about Frank?" James says and then moves to cover his mouth. "Shit."
"What?" Marie asks loudly. "What is it? What is this Frank's name?"
"Nothing," Remus replies, knowing if he admits what Frank's last name is to Marie, she will never recover. Nor will Felix, who has now giggled so much, he is lying on the floor.
"Come on, Remus," Marie says, pulling on the collar of his shirt from her place on the tree. "Tell me."
"I-" Remus stutters. "No, I can't. It's..." Marie pouts dramatically and Remus rolls his eyes, relenting. Mainly because he knows Marie won't drop it, but also because he has never been able to say no to that face. "Frank Longbottom."
Marie falls out of the tree.
With Remus' supernaturally fast reflexes, he is able to catch her around her middle before her head hits the ground. She doesn't stop laughing though, even as he gently drops her onto the floor.
"Well, that one isn't weird in the same way Tonks is, but it is something," Cara states, only further provoking the two giggling morons on the floor.
Remus sighs and turns to James. "So, you've met my friends. What do you think?"
James, who has been watching the display before them with subdued amusement, looks up at Remus through his glasses and grins widely. "They're great."
Wednesday - 8th August, 1973
"It's torture, Remus!" James shouts, pointing at the box. Hope, who has been silently croqueting on the couch behind them, chuckles under her breath.
"No, it isn't," Remus argues back, trying his best not to laugh at his uneducated friend. He is so glad James chose Muggle Studies - the kid needs it.
"You've got tiny people trapped in a box and you're forcing them to entertain you!"
Remus pulls his lips into his mouth and bites down on them. He lets out a slow exhale and looks back at his friend. "James. It is a Muggle invention called a television. Those people aren't actually there."
James frowns and stares at the telly with nothing but confusion. He looks at Remus helplessly and whimpers. "I don't get it."
"You know photographs? Not the wizard ones, but the Muggle ones that don't move."
"Yeah," James replies sceptically.
"Well, we invented a camera that is able to capture hundreds and thousands of Muggle photos, which are taken every single second and then put together in a line," he gestures a line with his finger in the air, James' eyes follow it adamantly, "and then add sound in and together it makes a scene, as if it's real life, except it isn't actually happening currently. Just like how pictures are from the past, not currently happening and being captured. We call it a film or a movie. People watch them for fun. Sometimes, they remake scenes from books and then you get to see your favourite characters with your eyes."
"So, they wear costumes and stuff?"
"Yeah, exactly," Remus smiles, hoping James gets it now.
"It's like a play? Except... a bunch of pictures. Muggle ones that don't move but when put together... do?" He narrows his eyes at Remus like he doesn't believe him.
"Yes, there you go, you've got it."
"Oh," James grins smugly. "What films do you have then?"
"My mam has a whole collection. Would you like to watch one?" Remus offers.
"Alright," James replies uncertainly.
"Brilliant. Come on, you can pick one out if you want." Remus guides James over to the little cupboard underneath where the television is set up. Piles of films fill up the tiny space. He watches as James' eyes widen at the vast selection.
"Which is your favourite?" He asks Remus.
"Oh, I like them all. This one is quite good though." Remus pulls out Psycho from the shelf. He's only seen it once, earlier this summer. His mam wouldn't let him watch it before, saying it would be too scary. However, once Remus had watched it, he saw that it wasn't so much scary as it was interesting. His mam commented on how he resembled the psycho of the film physically. He couldn't really see it, and still can't now. "It's a horror, which means it is only for adults because it is supposed to be scary. Are you sure you want me to choose?"
He smirks when James nods. "It's fake, right? All pretend?"
"Yes."
"Then, I'm sure it will be fine."
"Okay then."
Remus and James sit down on the couch opposite Hope and James sits on the edge of his seat (literally) for the entire movie. He jumps at the "scary" parts, and even covers his eyes during the murder scene, until Remus tells him it is over. He also mentions how Remus looks like the psycho and tries not to take it personally.
By the end of it, Remus' mam has finished her croqueting and is watching it with them. James' leg is bouncing vigorously, probably out of nervousness, but his eyes never leave the screen.
It comes to an end and James slumps back into the couch, staring off into space. Remus sinks beside him and gives his friend a minute.
"So, did you like it?"
James' head spins slowly to face him, his eyes wide with... something. "That was... wow. I don't- just wow. Can we watch another?"
Remus chuckles and nods. "We can do whatever you want. Actually, there's a cinema down the road, if you want to go and watch one of the new movies? We could invited Marie, Felix and Cara if you want."
"Yes, let's do it!" James beams, standing up. "One thing, what is a cinema?"
An hour later, Remus is in line for the film The Picture of Dorian Gray, whilst his four friends wait patiently to the side. Technically, they are not old enough to see it, which is why they got Remus to purchase the tickets because he is the tallest and can easily get away with being fifteen. Once he's purchased them, they all hurry into the theatre room and James sits between Felix and Cara - who has developed a strange liking to him. Out of all of his friends, Remus hadn't thought James would get along best with Cara, but apparently he had been wrong. It sort of makes sense because Cara gets along so well with Felix, who is similar to James.
Remus is sitting between Cara and Marie. Every now and then, he looks over Cara at James just to gauge his reaction to the film. He had first commented on how ginormous the "picture" was, which had made even Cara laugh. Similarly to when he had watched Psycho, James' eyes never move away from the film, always taking in every little detail.
Marie nudges him at some point during the movie and Remus assumes it was an accident, so he ignores it. When she does it again, with more force this time, he turns to her and asks if she is alright.
"Can I have some of your drink? I finished mine," she whispers, face very close to Remus'. He pulls away, just like he had a couple of days ago when she got too close to his face.
"Here," he says, pressing his drink into her open hand. "Don't drink it all."
"Thanks, Rem."
He brings his focus back to the movie and tries to ignore the way she doesn't move away from him, staying so close that their forearms are touching. Cara raises an eyebrow and he mouths shut up at her. Smirking, she looks away.
Remus doesn't pay attention to the rest of the movie and is surprised when he catches one of the end scenes and finds the main character - who he had recently been under the impression was an innocent, little man - butchering someone.
Saturday - 11th August, 1973
They spend James' last couple of days in Wales alternating between doing homework and going to the marshes. On the last night, James, Remus and his parents sit down in the living room to watch Disney's rendition of Alice in Wonderland. James states that Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee remind him of the Prewett twins and Remus laughs, agreeing even if he hadn't ever thought of that before.
"How did they make this one?" James asks as the end credits start rolling up the screen. "They're drawings... that move. Surely, magic had to be involved."
"Nope," Remus shakes his head. "If there is one thing you need to know about Muggles, it is that they are amazing at inventing things. They drew each individual picture instead and then put them together in that same line I told you about before."
"That must have taken ages!" James gasps.
"Yeah, it probably did," Remus laughs.
"I don't understand how any wizard or witch could ever underestimate Muggles. They are so much more competent than anyone with magic is. I wouldn't even be able to finish one of these drawings without getting bored, and here they are making entire movies." He shakes his head in awe. "Muggles are so cool."
"Thank you," Hope says from across the room and everyone laughs.
"I think it's time for bed," Lyall yawns. He taps his wife's legs, which are laying across his thighs, signalling for her to move. She does and then they help each other up off the couch. Remus watches them, smiling. The full moon is in three nights, so Remus' parents have been getting him to bed earlier and earlier each night, knowing he needs the rest more.
James and Remus get ready for bed and Remus lies down on his airbed on the floor. James had at first insisted on Remus sleeping on the bed and sleeping on the airbed himself, but Remus refused - guests always have the bed.
His parents come in to say good night to them both. His mam even presses a kiss into James' forehead, just like she does to Remus. It takes him a while to fall asleep, as he has a relentless migraine pushing at his skull. When he eventually succumbs to sleep, it isn't peaceful.
It's dark in his room, but it's always dark. His dadi would never allow him to have a night-light, saying children need to sleep in the dark so that their bodies know it's night time. Something about the circ-something rhythm. Remus can't remember. He has always been afraid of the dark, not knowing what monsters could be hiding under his bed. Wondering if the breeze that brushes across his face is because his mam kept the window open or not.
Except, it's winter. She never keeps the window open this early in the year.
It takes a lot of bravery for him to do so, eventually Remus opens his eyes to check. He finds that the window is in fact open. Strange, his brain says. The window wasn't open a couple of minutes ago when he had gained the courage to open his eyes then.
It is a few more minutes before he gains the guts to search under the bed. His search is fruitless, however, when he finds nothing there. He sighs with relief. Nothing came through the window. He must have just imagined that it had been shut before, or perhaps he was dreaming. Maybe his mam came in and opened it after he fell asleep? Only... Remus doesn't remember falling asleep. Does anyone ever remember falling asleep? He isn't sure. He'll have to ask his parents in the morning.
He lifts his head up from under the bed and rests it on his pillow.
Except, now there is a figure. It's standing in the corner of the room, very near the open window. It's looking at him. The first thing he thinks is that it is very big. He wonders if it is his dadi, but why would his dadi be watching him? Maybe he is in trouble for still being awake.
Sitting up in his bed, Remus rubs his eyes with his knuckles. The moment he moves his hands away, he finds the figure has moved closer. Only a couple of steps. He squints, trying to figure out who it is. He has never been very good at seeing in the dark. His mam says it's because he doesn't eat his carrots - maybe he should start doing that.
"Dadi," he whispers to the shadowy thing. "Is that you?"
The thing, whatever it is, whoever it is, moves quickly for the first time. It lures over him and Remus catches a glimpse of something shiny. Something... like a fang. The moonlight shining through the window catches it. Then, it walks directly past the window, and Remus gets a proper look at the thing. It's eyes glow dark-red, like the tomatoes his dadi grows on the farm. Remus is startled to discover that this isn't either of his parents. However, he doesn't jump with fear. It can't be a monster; monsters live under the bed.
He smiles at it and it bares it's fangs back, malice written across it's fur-covered face. It is large and standing like a man, but covered in dark-brown, almost black, fur like a bear or a very ginormous dog. He reaches his hand out as if to pet the beast and it sniffs his hand, licking it's chops hungrily.
It's the flash of green human eyes within the red animalistic ones that frightens him first. Humans do not look at other humans like this, like they are a meal.
It must smell his fear or sense it somehow because it moves closer, slowly gaining on him. He moves back in his bed, but reaches the wall quicker than he had expected to.
"Dadi," he whispers, frightened. Hoping this is a dream. It has to be a dream. People don't remember falling asleep. Monsters only live under the bed. The window was closed.
It was closed.
One of it's paws extends like a human hand, reaching out to clutch his hair harshly. He lets out a whine, too afraid to find his voice again. With it's other paw-like vice, it grabs onto his bicep, pulling it out of the way, almost dislocating it. Remus shouts louder, he thinks, more scared now. So scared, he isn't aware of his own breathing, doesn't know if he is shouting or lying there silently as this monster - because he has concluded that it is a monster now - attacks him.
It burns when it happens.
At first it is just painful, the worst thing he has ever felt. Something violent and terrible and warm, like trickling blood. Maybe he is bleeding. Then, it rips and the pain - it lingers. It doesn't end. He feels it flowing through his veins, replacing his blood, like poison inhabiting his cells. Fire licks up his arm and then moves through his torso, rising to his brain and ending in the tips of his toes. He feels like he's steaming, and the main source blazes the most. Each indent is like a hot poker - only that is not hot enough. It is inside him and he can't hear anything. His vision is white. Remus thinks he is dead. He has to be dead. He wants to be dead.
He knows he isn't.
No dead person could experience pain like this. It's unmeasurable, unexplainable, something no one would believe if you told them about it. His very thoughts are scolding hot to touch. All he can hope is that he has screamed. Perhaps then, his parents would have heard him. Maybe they are here now. Maybe... maybe the monster is gone.
He convulses in his bed, feeling a heavy pressure still grabbing his arm. It's faint and he almost can't feel it under everything else. But it's still there. It almost hurts the most because he knows what it is. He knows what it means. He knows it is the thing in his room. It's still here, which means his parents are not. He hopes they are okay. He hopes it didn't get them too.
Remus' eyes roll back and he feels the muscles around his eyes twitch and pull in his skull. He thinks he might be vomiting but he isn't sure. He isn't sure of anything anymore.
A scream tears it's way out of him and it's the last thing he hears. The last thing he feels as it rattles his already worn chest.
Monsters only live under the bed.
Monsters are supposed to live under the bed.
The darkness lied. Monsters come through the window.
Monsters come for little boys.
A monster has come for Remus.
***
Sunday - 12th August, 1973
James
He is startled awake by screams, though for once they are not his own.
Crawling to the edge of Remus' mattress, James stares down at his friend who is screaming and writhing in his sheets. James scrambles to get off the bed. When he is kneeled beside Remus, he starts gently shaking him awake.
"Remus, shit, Remus!"
Remus' eyes burst open and for a moment they glow amber. James' own eyes widen in response, then he averts them and swallows.
"You were screaming," James says quietly. "Are you okay?"
"I..." Remus' voice comes out croaky and James reaches for the glass of water they brought to bed with them only a few hours ago. It is now the early hours of the next morning. The sun is beginning to light up the sky, but it's summer and it rises early, so it isn't time to be awake yet.
"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it," James assures him. He knows that sometimes it is better to get it off your chest immediately, whilst other times it is easier to forget about it and only recall it in the morning. "Can you please come and sleep in the bed with me?"
"What?" Remus asks after gulping down the entire glass of water. His skin is clammy with sweat and his cheeks are bright red, whether from embarrassment or from the screaming, James doesn't know. "I'm okay, you don't need-"
"I know," James interrupts. "It's... for me. Please?"
Remus looks at him for a couple of seconds longer before nodding and getting up. James helps him and together they settle into Remus' double bed. It's plenty big enough for them both not to touch, but James still lies down close enough that their shoulders brush. He lied a bit. This isn't just for him, even if sleeping in the company of another person does help. It is also for Remus, who is too stubborn to admit when he needs help.
James turns to lie on his side and Remus does the same. They stare at each other in the dark room and James notices how Remus' eyes keep skipping over to the wall behind him.
"What is it?" James asks softly. "I get nightmares too and I find it easier to get back to sleep after talking to my mother about them."
"I don't know if I can," Remus whispers shakily, clenching his eyes shut.
"That's okay too," James promises. He finds Remus' hand under the covers and wraps his own around it.
"It was about the night of my attack," Remus says, almost too quietly for James to hear. "It happened over there." He gestures to the corner of the room where Remus' wardrobe now stands. James is shocked that he still sleeps in the same room. He doesn't think he could do that. He can't even look out of his bathroom window at home and see the woods where Harry died without having a panic attack.
"How did it happen?"
Remus bites his top lip, remaining silent for an entire minute before speaking. "It came in through the window. I thought it was my tad at first, I even called it that," he chuckles sadly and James frowns. "I didn't think it was a monster because I was convinced monsters only lived under beds, so I tried to... stroke it." His expression twists with disgust and James squeezes his hand tighter. "It let me too, which might be the most messed up thing, since it planned to attack me all along. Then, it cornered me and it... grabbed me and I just remember looking into it's eyes and thinking how wrong it was that they looked so human the most in that moment."
"Remus..." James murmurs.
"Then, it bit me and I lost control of everything." A tear slips out of the corner of Remus' eye and trickles down the bridge of his nose and over his opposite eyelid. "I couldn't see or hear or move. I could feel though. I could feel it all." He sobs silently and James pulls his friend's head into the crook of his neck, resting his chin on top of Remus' head. He wraps his arms around him in a tight hug, not being able to help it.
"No one deserves that Remus. No one, but especially not you," he mutters into his friend's ear, hoping he will listen. Hoping he will believe him.
"I was so scared, James," he cries. "I still am. My tad enforced the windows were all protected with spells after that night. The door too. I'm still afraid it will find me and finish me off."
"I won't let it," James promises, closing his eyes. He pats down Remus' hair with his free hand. "I won't. It can try but it will have to get through me and it won't be able to. Okay, Remus? I won't let it. "
"Okay, James," Remus whimpers. "I believe you."
They fall asleep like that, all tangled up. Neither of them wake up from nightmares again that night.
James floos into his father's study that afternoon, returning from his visit at Lupin cottage. It had been like going on holiday with his best friend. He already misses Remus' friends - especially Cara. He wonders if he could convince his parents to invest in a Muggle television.
His father is sitting at his desk when he arrives and smiles cheerfully at James.
"There you are. How was your week?"
"It was great!" James beams, ready to fall into a long rant about every single thing he did.
"Lovely. I would love to hear about it, and you can tell me everything later," Fleamont says, much to James' disappointment. "However, it will have to wait. We have visitors. Come on."
"Oh, okay," James says. They drop off his trunk in his bedroom first and then go downstairs. "Who is it?" He asks, realising he hadn't already.
They walk into the sitting room and James feel his heart fall into his stomach. His head begins to spin as a sense of Deja vu settles in.
Mr and Mrs Wilkins - Harry's parents - are sitting on the couch opposite James' mother. The only detail that differs from the past, that convinces James he hasn't gone back there, is that the two adults are smiling. The last time he saw them properly, their eyes were red-rimmed and their cheeks were stained with fat tears. They'd moved away almost immediately after Harry died.
"Oh, hello there," Mrs Wilkins greets him as her eyes land on James. "Wow, you've grown, haven't you?" She stands as James makes his way over to the guests. James is surprised when she pulls him into a hug, but he does hug her back. He doesn't want to be rude. When they break away from each other, he nods over at Mr Wilkins before scurrying around the coffee table to sit between his parents.
"Say hello," Euphemia whispers, nudging him.
"Oh, sorry. Hello," James offers, trying to find his smile. It is immensely difficult right now.
Mrs Wilkins only continues to grin at him. "How is school treating you? We hear you're at a fancy boarding school, that must be exciting."
"Uh, yeah. It is... very exciting," James responds.
"He will be heading back to Scotland in a couple of weeks," Fleamont says with a tut. "Which is a shame, especially since we haven't seen him all month."
"Yes, we heard you were staying with your friends," Mr Wilkins speaks up, smiling a normal amount, unlike his wife who hasn't stopped grinning at him since he entered the room.
"I was," James nods. "First, in Cornwall and then in Wales. I just got back... I mean, earlier. I was in my room before."
There is an awkward silence after that. It sinks into James' skin and makes him feel itchy all over. He is thankful when his mother speaks up, but feels himself flinch at the topic of conversation she chooses.
"Mr and Mrs Wilkins have come to inform us that they finally caught the man who took Harry from us," his mum says and James' eyes widen in shock. He blinks a few times before looking over at the Wilkins'.
"Who?" He asks breathlessly.
Mrs Wilkins picks up a piece of paper from the coffee table that James hadn't noticed before. She hands it to him and he takes it precariously. He averts his eyes, not certain he is ready just yet. His dad rests a comforting hand on his shoulder and it is that stability, that feeling of safety, that gives him the courage. He thinks about Remus who still sleeps in the room of his attack. If he can do that every time he goes home, then James can look at a piece of paper.
Still, his hands shake as he unfolds it. It had been folded into quarters, so the paper has lines through it like a cross. There's a picture at the top of the paper - it's of a man. He looks to be in his mid-fifties, with grey hair and a balding head. His eyes are very small, James thinks. Beady in a way that frightens him. The picture doesn't move because it is a Muggle one, of course, but it is in colour. Even in colour, his skin looks sallow and grey. The man smirks through the paper at him, teeth bared like a rabid animal. No remorse. Nothing that signals he regrets what he has done.
James feels like he is going to throw up.
He reads the name beneath it, but doesn't bother to read the rest of what is written there. Knowing this monster's name almost feels too much for him. He will finally have a name- a face to blame. A title for what stole Harry - James' best friend - out of this world.
Richard Clark.
All James can think is how boring it sounds. So boring, so insignificant, so forgettable. He knows he won't forget it though, the name will haunt him for the rest of his life, paired with the face.
Silently, he passes the paper back over to Mrs Wilkins. James wraps his arms around himself protectively, his father's hand is still on his shoulder. His mother rests her hand over his. He tries to focus on the feel of them. Anything but the feel of those beady, little eyes on him.
That is the last thing Harry saw. That face. Those eyes. The darkness.
He was alone.
James stands suddenly. His throat feels tight and full all at once. He can feel tears on his cheeks even if he doesn't remember shedding them. Briefly, he glances over at Mr and Mrs Wilkins.
"May I be excused?" His voice cracks throughout every word.
"It's okay," he hears Mrs Wilkins says, probably to his parents. "It was lovely to see you, James. I am very sorry we had to bring you this. It never should have happened."
"I'm sorry," James whispers, staring at the kind woman before him. Then, he flees up the stairs to his bedroom and shuts the door. He sinks down, leaning against the wood, and pulls his knees to his chest. He sobs into them, feeling as his glasses press into the bridge of his nose painfully, but he doesn't care.
"Jamie, sir?" Mollie's voice comes from somewhere in front of him, but James doesn't move. He remains curled up in a ball.
"Jamie! Let me get to my Jamie, Jamie!" Mollie yells, startling him enough that he looks up at her. She smiles as soon as he does, the harshness on her face fading away instantly. "There he is. My Jamie." Mollie reaches up and gently wipes away the tears still streaming down James' cheeks.
"I'm sorry," he whimpers and he isn't sure who he is apologising to, what he is apologising for. He just feels like he should.
"Jamie is not to apologise for his feelings," Mollie commands. "Jamie is to be going to the kitchen with me and making dinner to make him feel better."
James sniffles and takes in the sight of his little house-elf with her hands on her hips, expression stern in a way that perfectly resembles her mistress. He laughs wetly and then wipes his face with the heels of his hands. "Okay. What are we making?"
Friday - 31st August, 1973
On the night before James' return to Hogwarts, the three of them (four if you count Mollie, which James does) spend the entire afternoon baking in the kitchen. Even James' father joins in, which he only ever does if he isn't very busy with his work, or if Effie convinces him to, which tends to happen most of the time.
They bake a cake and then move onto oatmeal cookies with dried fruit and pumpkin seeds in (don't knock it 'til you try it). Finally, they make James' new favourite thing: oaties. Okay, so that isn't their real name. He doesn't think they have a name, but that is what he calls them. They are basically flapjacks, but crumblier, and have a layer of melted chocolate on top that you leave in the fridge to go hard. They are the most delicious things James has ever tasted - except treacle tarts, those are his favourite.
Somehow, they end up getting flour everywhere: in James' hair, on the ceiling, on the back of Mollie's head. The house-elf cleans everything up with a snap of her fingers, which James' mother comments "takes the fun out of everything".
James, still covered in a dusting of flour, because apparently Mollie expects him to clean himself, holds out a hand to his mother. She takes it and he spins her around before pulling her into a dancing stance, much like he's seen his parents do many times in the past when they thought he wasn't watching.
It's times like these that makes life worth living, James thinks. It makes him forget about his nightmares (which have only grown worse ever since the Wilkins' came to visit) and all of the terrible things storming through his mind. It brings him a sense of serenity that could not be captured by anything else. It's dancing in the kitchen with his mum spinning between himself and his father. It's their laughter echoing in the small kitchen, and the oaties baking in the oven. It's the leaves that blow in thanks to the breezy summer they have had this year. It's Mollie tutting at them fondly as they enjoy one more night together as a family.
James' stomach cramps and grows painful through his laughter but he doesn't stop. He spins his mother over to his father and watches, smiling gently, as they fade into a slow dance, bringing their foreheads together, smiles never faltering. They become one and James knows they have forgotten he is there, but he doesn't mind. His parents deserve to have moments like these and he is glad they do. Not everyone experiences love quite the same way as Euphemia and Fleamont Potter do. It's magical and all-consuming. It's something James finds himself wanting, even in his young age.
He watches them dance until the oven timer dings.
Saturday - 1st September, 1973
When James boards the Hogwarts Express, he makes his way down the train, catching a glimpse of every empty compartment, hoping to find at least one of his friends. He is almost at the end of the train and is beginning to lose hope, until he notices curly, black hair out of the corner of his eyes. His brain immediately assumes it is Sirius, so when he opens the door excitedly and takes his seat opposite the boy huddled in the corner, he is taken by complete surprise when he discovers it is Regulus Black sitting across from him.
James thinks it is sort of funny that Regulus just so happens to be the first person he has seen at the station every year. First year, there had been Mary, but James sat with Regulus first. Second year, there had been the whole confrontation with Regulus' mother (which still frightens James to this day whenever he thinks about it). Now, third year. Here they are. If James believed in fate (and he's not sure that he doesn't), he would say the universe is trying to tell them something.
The next thing his mind snags on is the tiny theory James came up with at the end of last term. He is ninety percent sure it hadn't been Sirius who hugged him and then ran out rambling about having let Lily borrow his textbook. The only person James can think of who it could have been is Regulus - it makes sense. James had just broken up a fight between Sirius and Regulus half an hour before then. He had asked Sirius to leave him alone, which he did. (Unless this actually was Sirius and James is going crazy.) Also, James is pretty sure whoever it was almost slipped up and said Tonks. He remembers that vividly, even though he hadn't caught onto it when he actually heard it. He'd only realised it later on when replaying the interaction in his head over and over. Finally, Regulus is the only person, other than Slughorn, who definitely had access to the Polyjuice Potion they made in Potions club. Of course, it might not have been that Polyjuice Potion specifically, but it seems the most likely explanation.
James is sixty percent sure it was Regulus, he just needs to prove it.
For the first time since realising it isn't Sirius sitting in front of him, James properly looks at Regulus. He notices the way the boy is sitting with his back arched inwards, which is peculiar. He is usually so particular about his perfect posture. Regulus also isn't glaring at him like he would on any other day. Instead, he has his eyes pinched closed and his hands are grabbing tightly onto the edge of his seat - so tightly, in fact, they are white.
James knows what someone in pain looks like. He's seen it on Remus' face every month for the last two years.
Regulus is in pain.
"Hello, Regulus," James says politely. "Sorry, I thought you were... someone else. Uh, are you okay?"
Regulus jumps like he didn't even realise James was sitting in front of him until he spoke. He stares at him and then- yep, there's the glare James knows and loves. He finds himself grinning at the familiarity of it.
"Oh, hello."
"Go away," Regulus grits, eyes red with fury.
"I don't think I will. You are clearly hurt, I assume on your back?" His tone implies it is a question, so he waits for Regulus to answer. He spends a few more seconds glaring daggers at James before reluctantly nodding. The movement appears to hurt him.
"Right," James nods. Without thinking, he gets up and moves over to the bench opposite. He sits down beside Regulus and then gently turns the boy so he can get a good look at it. "Can I help you? Please, let me help you."
"I don't want or need your help, Potter."
"Stop being a stubborn little arse, Regulus, and let me fix this," James snaps and is shocked by his own harshness.
Regulus stills and then eventually sighs. "Fine. But you should know, you can't fix everything, Potter. Some things, once they are broken, they can't be put back together again."
"Well, have some faith in my skills, why don't you." James reaches forward and hesitates. "Would you mind... uh, removing your shirt."
Regulus rolls his eyes and then, slowly, he brings his hands to the buttons of his shirt and starts undoing them. Once he reaches the final one, he attempts to shed the material, but winces at the pain coming from his back. James holds out a silent hand to stop him and is surprised when Regulus obliges.
Carefully, James removes the shirt from his shoulders and then pulls it away from his back, which is wet with fresh blood. He can't stop the gasp that shoots out of him at the sight of the large wound. It isn't neat like the others. It's long and jagged just like the one that stretches down Regulus' entire back. Now, he has two of those.
"Fucking hell, what do they do to you?" James whispers. The sight of blood would usually scare him, especially a cut that so closely resembles the wounds Harry received. But all James' head seems to prioritise is the fact that Regulus needs his help because he is injured. James doesn't question the strange urge to help the boy in front of him, a boy who has hated him for years, and, instead, uses it to his advantage.
He chucks the stained shirt onto the opposite bench he had previously been sitting on and turns back to Regulus.
Regulus is so small, and not just in height. His skin stretches across his bones like it is holding on for dear life. His ribs are far too prominent for James' liking, and the scars that litter his back are haunting. He's gaunt; ghostlike.
"Okay, I'm going to try and clean the area first, if that is alright with you." After receiving a small nod, James casts a light scourgify charm, not wanting to be too rough. Regulus still hisses under the pressure of it and James apologises over and over again under his breath.
Once satisfied that there is no more dried blood in the way, James gets to work stitching up the wound, making sure to notify Regulus first. James knows much more about healing than a usual thirteen-year-old wizard would. His mother used to be a Healer for St Mungos, so she taught him simple healing spells that could save lives. He has never actually practiced them before, only ever seen his mother do demonstrations. So, he hopes this works. When he notices Regulus' skin start to knit back together, he smiles a bit, taking it as a good sign.
A scar is left in it's place, long and red and angry.
"Why do they scar? Surely, if treated properly, they should heal and vanish."
"Cursed lacero," Regulus mumbles and James doesn't miss the shame in his voice.
"Oh," is all he can say. He would offer his apologies but he knows how little that does; it only implies someone pities you and he knows how dreadful that can feel. "Well, you're all stitched up. You're welcome."
Regulus turns in his chair enough so that James can see the side of his face. His hair has grown slightly over the summer. It now reaches his cheek bones and falls down in curled rivulets. Regulus reaches up and tucks one side of them behind his ear before looking up at James through thick eyelashes. "Thank you," he says sincerely. James almost misses it, too busy being distracted by the blueness of Regulus' eyes. They never struggle to astonish him with how illuminatingly blue they are.
"Don't mention it," James says, not really hearing himself. "Do you need a shirt?"
"What?" Regulus questions, eyes falling to his bare stomach. "Oh, right. No, I have one. I should probably..."
"Yeah," James mumbles and averts his eyes as Regulus changes into a Hogwarts shirt, even though he has literally seen the boy's bare torso twice now. Once in first year, in the hospital wing, and now.
"You should probably eat something," he says, searching his carry-on for the oaties he and his parents baked the day before. "I have something, here." He opens the tub they are in and holds it out to the boy before him. Regulus looks at James and then the treats and then back at James. "I'm not going to poison you," he tuts.
Regulus raises an unconvinced eyebrow.
"Why would I heal you and waste my magic on you, only to kill you?"
"False sense of security," Regulus shrugs and James revels in the way the boy doesn't even flinch with the movement. He must have healed him correctly.
"Just take the oatie, Reg."
"Fine," Regulus reaches into the tub and pulls one out, "but do not call me Reg."
James just rolls his eyes and takes out an oatie of his own before placing the tub back in his bag. Together, they sit on the bench of the empty carriage and eat in silence. Every minute or so, James sneaks a peek in Regulus' direction, who always seems to be looking out the window, watching as the world streams past. It is only then that James remembers his friends are likely wondering where he is.
Oh well, he thinks, they can find me here.
Because here is where he wants to be.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
rhedeg trwy draed tail = running through muck feet (Welsh)
mae'n braf cwrdd a chi = it is nice to meet you (Welsh)
tad = father (Welsh)
mam = mother (Welsh)
dadi = daddy (Welsh)I use google translate, so feel free to correct me if any translations above are wrong! :)
MENTIONS:
-James and Remus' friends are so cute in my head. There will be more of these interactions in future chapters!
-I always picture Andrew Garfield (or, like, a distorted version of him) as Remus, and Andrew looks SO MUCH like the guy from Psycho. look it up, I'm not crazy
-James being fascinated by the TV is so funny to me. "It's torture!" Honey, RELAX
-poor four-year-old Remus - I was so upset when I wrote that. I am sorry, guys
-James and Remus' friendship in this makes me want to CRY - they're so cute. traumatised little guys
-Harry's killer was finally caught! whoo! There's still more to this story unfortunately..
-Mollie! shoutout to my second favourite house-elf (Dobby will always be my favourite)
-oaties are delicious - my best friend (Makayla) makes them and they are SO GOOD. especially the dairy/gluten free ones!
-James being worried because Regulus was hurt and just wanting to heal him. he's such a cutie patootie. Regulus was swooning on the inside, even if he doesn't realise it yet.
-"don't call me Reg" Sir? shush your mush.See you on Thursday because I'm updating twice this week! (We're finally on third year, and this is the year I have been waiting for! I'm so excited!) Have a great week xx
Chapter 31: Third Year: People Are Unbelievably Ignorant
Summary:
Mainly a fill-in chapter with some cute little friendship moments and a bit of jealousy from a character or two (even though they are not aware that is what they are feeling). The Animagi group also go hunting for a spot to hide their ingredients and we FINALLY get to see where the second passage leads!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of blood and scars from CA
^This is only a continuation of last chapter.
-brief mention of a house-elf banging their head against a table as "punishment"Hello again! Double update this week! I have exams over the next couple of weeks, so any updates might take a while to get here. However, I will definitely be updating over the next couple of weeks, so do not worry! This is a fill-in chapter mostly, but it's still fun, there are some heart-warming moments, and that's all that matters in this fandom at this point, because everything else is just painful. Have fun! <3
Oh, also! This chapter sort of carries on where the last one left off, but it also shows Regulus' POV of James healing him!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I know your type but suddenly I can't
See the things I dislike
~ Sparklyel
Saturday - 1st September, 1973
Regulus
Regulus' breath catches as Potter removes the dried blood from his back. The boy apologises profusely as if he's hurt him, but the thing is... he hasn't. Regulus just hadn't expected the contact. He becomes suddenly aware of the fact that the last time he saw Potter was when they shared a hug. One the boy behind him doesn't even know about.
His voice is gone as Potter continues to apologise throughout the healing process. Regulus wishes he could assure him it doesn't hurt, not as badly as some other things he has felt, but he can't. He remains silent until Potter pulls back. The boy asks him a question and he gives a simple response. Potter says something else but Regulus doesn't hear him, too lost in his own head. This wouldn't have happened if Regulus didn't leave his letter from Barty out on his desk for his mother to find. She did, of course. Which means she found out who Regulus had been meeting up with in Diagon Alley throughout the duration of the summer.
This is another cursed scar he will own because of his friendship with Pandora. Regulus knows he can't tell her, even if Pandora does already know. It would ruin her to find out Regulus is being tortured for their relationship.
"Thank you," he finally says, looking up at the boy next to him.
There's a moment of shared clarity; this is what they are. Regulus can pretend to hate Potter with all of his might, he can lie and tell himself the boy is nothing but a nuisance. In reality, he is this. Someone who offers his help without a second thought. Regulus can appreciate that about him, at least. Still, he doesn't want to like the boy in front of him, and he doesn't. He does not like James Potter at all. He's annoying and loud and has no sense of personal space.
Yet, he is also one of the kindest people Regulus has ever encountered.
"-do you need a shirt?"
"What?" Regulus only catches the last half of whatever Potter is saying. Does he need a shirt? Oh. He stares down at the expanse of his skin that is still bare. "Oh, right. No, I have one. I should probably..."
"Yeah," Potter murmurs, diverting his gaze elsewhere. It is then that Regulus realises he doesn't feel uncomfortable in front of Potter, not like he would with everyone else. He has seen Regulus' scars multiple times now, far too many times for Regulus' liking. Never once has he judged. Never once has he stared with disgust or pity, only understanding. It's frightening, feeling so transparent, so easily seen through. Regulus, for some reason, trusts him with this part of himself. He knows he won't tell anyone, he never has in the past.
Potter mentions something about eating before holding out a box of... chocolate flapjacks? Regulus doesn't know what they are, but they make a mess all over the seat. He only accepts one after Potter accuses him of being afraid of poison, which isn't a completely absurd reaction from Regulus. He doesn't know Potter's intentions. Still, he can't picture the idiot harming anyone - not on purpose. So, he takes one and sits down on the bench, taking a small nibble at first. It's better than he suspected, so he takes another bite, larger this time.
They sit in pleasant silence as they eat their snacks. Regulus' mind doesn't stop reminding him how peculiar this interaction is.
There's a small knock at the door and both boys jump at the intrusion. Potter is the one to get up and investigate who is behind the closed blind. When he opens the door to the compartment, two paper birds float in, almost hitting Potter's ridiculously unruly hair, until he ducks to avoid them. They loop around the tiny space twice before falling on the bench the two boys had been sharing. They frown at each other, both puzzled.
Potter returns to his seat and picks up one of the paper birds, unfolding it. His eyes scan over it rapidly and when he's done, he passes it to Regulus.
"This one is yours."
"What is it?" Regulus accepts it and looks down at the strange piece of parchement.
"Slug Club invitation," Potter says, already reading the second one. "Yep, this one's mine. We're supposed to meet Slughorn in the teacher's carriage in ten minutes."
Regulus hums in acknowledgement, still reading the invitation. It's nothing too interesting, just a calling for him really. He assumes his great Potions skills were not the only reason he was excepted into the club, but rather his name.
"We should probably get going now," Potter suggests, already standing up and grabbing his bag. He pulls Regulus' down from the higher rack, which infuriates him. He can do it himself.
Regulus snatches his belongings from Potter's hand and stomps out of the compartment. Students of all ages begin departing from their compartments too, so Regulus assumes they have also been accepted. It isn't until he spots Scarlett, that he allows himself to breathe a sigh of relief. If Potter had been the only person he knew at Slug Club, he would have considered leaving.
"Scarlett," he greets, walking up to her side.
"Good morning, Regulus," she smiles, nodding her head. "Are you ready for this year?"
"What?" Oh, right. That. He is her boyfriend this year. But not really. The whole situation is very confusing. "Yeah, I'm ready. How do we actually..."
"Your inarticulacy is shameful today," Scarlett mutters, before stubbornly taking his hand. He can tell she doesn't really want to, her body stiffening as she does it. He isn't sure he's too fond of it either.
Regulus glances behind him to see where Potter got off to and discovers he is only a couple of paces behind him, staring at Regulus and Scarlett's joined hands with furrowed eyebrows. Regulus turns around again, only to find Barty making his way through the aisle towards him.
"Shit," he whispers.
Scarlett notices Barty at the same time Regulus does and squeezes his hand anxiously. "It's fine. We can do it. He's your friend, right? It will be like a warm-up round."
"Yeah, fine," Regulus responds quietly.
Oh, Barty is never going to stop teasing him about this.
Barty approaches them and it takes him less than a second to notice their conjoined hands. His eyes widen comically and then move up to Regulus' face. He gapes at the two of them and Regulus can already hear all of the questions he is going to receive later.
"Did you get an invite to Slug Club too?" Regulus asks, breaking the awkward tension that had begun to build. They continue walking down the aisle slowly, now behind a queue of other students.
"Yes," Barty blurts out. "What is going on right now?"
"We are on our way to the teacher's carriage," Scarlett answers in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Well, I know that, don't I?" Barty says around a manic grin. In the last minute, he has blinked far too many times for it to be considered normal. "No, what I mean is are you guys together ? You're holding hands."
"Thank you for notifying me on that, Bartemius," Scarlett speaks, sarcasm clear in her voice, "I would have never known otherwise."
"Regulus," Barty stage-whispers, "you've found a girlfriend who's exactly you."
Regulus rolls his eyes. "Doesn't that make her better?" He smirks at Scarlett, who returns it.
Barty gasps dramatically and Regulus has to stifle the laugh that bubbles up in his chest. "She's your girlfriend ?!"
"She has a name," Scarlett grumbles.
"Oh, yes, sorry. Don't tell me," Barty squints his eyes as he searches for Scarlett's name. Regulus already knows this will be a futile attempt. "You're Dorcas' roommate and you aren't Alecto, which means you are Serephone? No, Shania. Wait, that's Bletchley. Uh... You're the alliteration name, aren't you?"
Scarlett nods stiffly, growing more impatient the longer this conversation goes on.
"Ah! I've got it," Barty grins, obviously pleased with himself. "Serena Stimp."
"What sort of horrid name is Stimp ?" Scarlett grimaces, offended.
"Scarlett Stark, Barty," Regulus says.
"Oh, so close," Barty groans. Regulus and Scarlett stare at him in disbelief but he doesn't seem to notice either of them.
"Is this official then or is it official-official?" He winks.
"Scarlett is my betrothed," Regulus states.
"Fuck."
"Yeah," Scarlett breathes, quiet enough that Barty doesn't catch it.
They arrive at the teacher's carriage, which is filled to the brim with third-year students, as well as a couple of students from higher years that likely were not accepted in the club until this year.
Slughorn beams at them as they start filing in and his smile only grows when he notices Regulus and Scarlett's clasped hands. Regulus can feel Scarlett's getting clammy, he wishes he could drop it without people noticing. Instead, he endures the entirety of the train ride with a sweaty hand, Slughorn's booming laugh, and Potter's burning stare.
Regulus managed to blackmail Barty into remaining quiet about his relationship with Scarlett, until he has the chance to tell their friends himself.
After the painfully drawn out sorting ceremony and dinner, they all start off towards the dungeons. Pandora joins them. She probably already knows what Regulus is about to tell them all.
When they reach the common room, Evan is instantly bombarded by Alecto, who jumps up off the couch at the sight of him and skips over to them. Evan has grown plenty over the summer, so his face is now out of Alecto's reach. Regulus laughs at the idea that Evan has grown for this very purpose - to evade Alecto.
She still attempts to press a kiss to his chin, but he brushes her away.
"Stop it, get off me," Evan groans, cheeks turning red with embarrassment.
"Piss off, Carrow," Dorcas jumps to Evan's defence. "Go drool over your poster of Royston Idlewart."
"It's Idlewind," Alecto grits, stamping her foot in the same way a small child would after being refused something. She sends one more wistful glance Evan's way (which he definitely does not return) and then saunters back over to where her brother and his friends are gathered around the fireplace.
"Come on, let's go," Pandora says, starting off towards the dormitory.
Evan complains about Alecto's absurd crush on him the entire way there.
"Honestly, I don't get it. Why is she so obsessed? It's mental." With a huff, he falls backwards onto his mattress. Barty goes over to him, sitting down beside his head. He pats Evan's hair down affectionately.
"It's because of your devilishly handsome good looks, of course." Barty grins wickedly when Evan's face turns pink.
"I'm not that handsome," Evan mumbles, picking at his cuticles.
"Don't lie, you know you're gorgeous," Barty declares, cupping Evan's face with his hands before squashing the boy's cheeks together. Pandora watches them affectionately.
"Get off," Evan grumbles, pushing Barty's hands away. He sits up and looks over at Regulus, wanting to get the attention off himself. "So, Regulus, what is it you need to tell us?"
Regulus, who is sitting on his own bed with Pandora and Dorcas, flinches at the reminder of what he is about to tell them. He sends a warning glare over to Barty - a do not interrupt me glare. Then, with a deep breath, "I'm engaged."
"What ?" Dorcas and Evan both yell.
"To who?" Evan asks.
"Since when?" Dorcas adds.
"Sort of since Christmas of second year, but certainly since this summer." Regulus settles his eyes on Dorcas as he announces that it's Scarlett who he is supposed to be marrying - he doesn't tell any of them that it's all a ploy. He promised Scarlett he wouldn't tell anyone.
"Scarlett who I share a room with?" Dorcas questions and Regulus nods. "Out of all the people you could have said, she is not who I would have expected."
"Why not?"
"She's very... intense. Scarlett spends half of her time researching rights for magical creatures and gathering all the laws on Muggles and Muggleborns she can, so she can fix all of the prejudice in the wizarding world. The other half of her time is spent hexing Alecto, who's always trying to tear up her research," Dorcas rolls her eyes. "She's very recalcitrant, not the sort of person I pictured your parents choosing for you."
"You aren't wrong there," Regulus agrees, sighing. "We talk about house-elf rights a lot because it's something that interests us both," he admits, sparing a glance around the room to gauge his friends' reactions. Dorcas only nods, she's never had a house-elf before because her parents are against it. Evan and Pandora have lots of house-elves, but Regulus is sure they too disagree with the orthodox treatment of them. Barty is the only wild card - Regulus has never heard him speak much about house-elves, only that his tended to look after him more than his actual parents did.
"I tried to free my house-elf once," Barty chuckles. Regulus is taken aback by his sudden confession. "I told her I wanted her to be free and run away from my father, but she only cried and started banging her head against the table. I had to command her to stop otherwise she would have bludgeoned herself to death."
"That's awful," Dorcas says.
"Yeah, it isn't normal," Barty shakes his head. "No living thing should be that irrevocably tied to magic strong enough that it compels them to do that."
Regulus sends a small smile Barty's way, understanding exactly what he means.
"So, you're marrying Scarlett," Dorcas returns to their original topic of conversation. "Do you like her, at least?"
"She can be a bit intense, like you said, but I've learnt how to understand her, I think. Before we actually got together, she called me her friend, so I assume she doesn't loathe my guts," Regulus chuckles.
"Woah, that's actually amazing," Dorcas amazes.
"What is?"
"That she called you her friend. I've been trying to get her to call me that for years. She doesn't have any friends."
"Oh." Regulus hadn't known that. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't recall having ever seen her in the corridors with other people. In Slug Club, she remained by Regulus' side the entire time. She is always free to meet him on Sundays, without fail. Regulus hadn't even noticed her until second year. His stomach sinks at the idea of Scarlett being lonely. Even though she speaks very little, and when she does it is with unnatural propriety, she is a loud person. The way she walks, what she believes in, her very presence is loud. Yet, she goes unnoticed. Maybe it's on purpose.
"She can sit with us anytime," Pandora offers with a cheerful smile. "We would all be happy to have her."
"Yeah, then we can finally have an even split of boys and girls," Dorcas rolls her eyes.
"Maybe we should be that friendship group that all start dating each other," Barty laughs. "Evan will have to be with Dorcas because he can't date his sister, which leaves you with me, Pan." He winks in Pandora's direction and Evan pushes him off the bed.
"Stop flirting with my sister," Evan groans.
"I would much rather marry Dorcas," Pandora grins mischievously at the two bickering boys. Dorcas raises a teasing eyebrow and leans into Pandora's side. "Which would leave you and Evan, Crouch."
Barty cackles, climbing back onto the bed. Evan edges away from him subtly, but Regulus notices. "Well, he is my type. Blonde hair, big blue eyes," he ruffles Evan's hair, making it stick up on end. "What do you say, Ev?" He grins savagely and Evan rolls his eyes.
"I think you just got rejected, Junior," Dorcas says through a snort.
"Oh, whatever will I do?" Barty falls dramatically backwards on the bed, draping his hand over his forehead as if he's just fainted. "I'll die a lonely spinster, eaten by my very own cats!"
"You don't have any cats," Evan points out.
"So, so lonely," Barty cries.
Regulus laughs along with Pandora and Dorcas, as Evan attempts to get Barty to sit up again. Barty only flops down into the boy's lap, still smiling widely.
Regulus' friends are ridiculous.
"Oh!" Pandora squeaks suddenly and then starts ruffling in her bag for something.
"What?" Barty asks, sitting up straight for the first time, his curiosity distracting him. Evan looks almost disappointed by the new space left between them.
"I forgot," Pandora mutters and everyone stares at the back of her head with confusion. She sits back up on the bed with a small package in her hand. She holds it out to Regulus. "Happy Birthday, Reggie!"
"You didn't have to..." Regulus says, taking it gently from her hand.
"Shush and open it," Pandora orders excitedly.
Regulus pulls back the wrapping paper to reveal a new set of gloves, identical to the others, except these are green, yellow and red. They remind him of the Forbidden Forest during the autumn months when the leaves of the trees turn shades of orange and red, hints of green still peaking from the previous summer.
"They're beautiful, Pandora," he smiles at her and pulls her into a hug. She wraps her arms around him tightly and then presses a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling away.
"You're welcome, and well done for finally turning thirteen," she adds with a laugh.
His thirteenth birthday was a week ago and Regulus hadn't received anything like this present from Pandora. His mother usually gifts him things such as family heirlooms or school uniform he will need for the following school year. His father gets Kreacher to bake him a cake every year, specifically for the day, and Narcissa will get him a book, but other than that it doesn't feel like a birthday.
Regulus visits the Astronomy Tower that night, having missed it over the last three months he spent at home. It was nice getting the chance to see the museum again, especially the real version and not just the replica created by Ravenclaw's secret room. However, Regulus missed the openness that came with the Astronomy Tower. He's missed feeling the cold night air on his face, but most of all he's missed the stars.
He sits at the very edge of the tower, letting his legs dangle down into the air, swinging back and forth. Regulus rests his arms on the metal railing and presses his cheek to his arms, staring up at the stars. He charts them all out in his head and goes through all of the legends he knows about them - the magical and the Muggle. He admires the waxing crescent moon, which hangs weightlessly in the sky, shining like the sun. Sometimes, he wishes he knew what an eclipse looks like, even if it would likely blind him. He can't imagine something powerful enough to put out the sun, even if only briefly.
Monday - 3rd September, 1973
On the first day of lessons, they receive their timetables and Regulus is surprised by all of the blank spaces in his, even if they do now have seventh periods. He discovers he has Defence Against the Dark Arts first, and then Potions.
Pandora nudges him as he is reading through Wednesday's list of lessons. He frowns at her and she gestures behind him. He turns and finds Scarlett sitting alone, she's eating a piece of honey-covered toast and reading carelessly through her new timetable.
"What?"
"Invite her to sit with us," Pandora whispers, practically pushing Regulus out of his chair.
"Okay, okay," he replies, frantically trying not to fall on his butt. He stands and straightens out his robes before walking down the length of the table to where Scarlett sits.
"Good morning, Scarlett."
She looks up at him with a polite smile and Regulus isn't sure if it is for show or not. Okay, this could get confusing. "Good morning, Regulus."
"I noticed you are sitting alone," he says, even though she obviously already knew that. "Would you like to come and sit with my friends and I?"
Scarlett briefly glances down the table at Regulus' friends, who all send her excited waves. Barty is beaming in a way that frightens Regulus. A part of him wants to sit over here with Scarlett, if only to avoid Barty's hyper mood.
"I'm assuming this was not your idea," Scarlett states, looking back at Regulus with raised eyebrows.
"Well, not really, but I would like it if you joined us."
Scarlett settles him with a hard stare. Then, she grabs her timetable and stands. Regulus grabs her plate for her and then, they join hands. Evan has moved over to the opposite side of the table, so Scarlett and Regulus sit down beside Pandora.
"Hello." Pandora offers Scarlett a kind smile.
"Hello, Pandora," the girl says back with a sweet tone Regulus has never heard before. Pandora can even charm Scarlett Stark into softness. Regulus is perpetually impressed by his Ravenclaw friend.
"Hello again, Stimp," Barty smiles and Regulus sends a glare his way.
"Hi, Grouch," Scarlett responds with a sharp smile of her own.
Evan snorts and introduces himself. Scarlett explains that she already knows who he is, having gone to school with him for the last two years, as well as sharing a dormitory with Alecto, who apparently rambles on about Evan even when he isn't around. He grimaces at the mention of his unsolicited admirer. Scarlett and Dorcas share a friendly nod. They continue idle conversation as they eat their breakfast. It's mainly just Evan and Barty arguing whilst Pandora and Dorcas speak to Scarlett, Regulus jumping into every now and then to share his thoughts.
They all go off to their first lessons, no longer sharing every single class like they had the previous two years. Regulus has Defence without any of his friends, including Scarlett, which is just cruel.
When he reaches the classroom, he groans at the sight of Potter near the front of the line of students. He's standing with Frank Longbottom and three of the Gryffindor girls. He finds it unfair that Potter gets four of his friends in the same class as him, whilst Regulus is left with Amycus, Snape, Mulciber and Wilkes.
A witch with long, black hair, which has been done up into a long braid, and dark skin approaches the line of students, smiling down at them all. She introduces herself as Professor Shauna, their Defence professor for the year. Regulus is convinced the position is cursed - what happened to Professor Senfast? He had actually been capable, unlike the teacher they had at the beginning of first year, who left in the night. That may have been his and Pandora's fault, but still. Pathetic.
When Professor Shauna goes to open the door to the classroom, it opens slightly, and then bounces right out of her grip, shutting with a loud slam. Half of the nearby students and Professor Shauna jump at the noise. She smiles at the students before trying again, only for the same thing to happen but with more force.
"Oh!" She shrieks. "I- I shall be right back, everyone. I'm sure Professor McGonagall will be able to help. Probably just Peeves pulling a prank or- or-" She scurries off down the corridor quickly.
Regulus immediately looks over to where Potter is leaning against the wall of the impenetrable classroom with nonchalance. He's grinning at the Gryffindors around him, like he's their king or something.
"How did you even manage to do that?" The girl McKinnon asks. Regulus hasn't ever heard her speak before.
Potter shrugs. "Magic," he grins. "We did it to every single classroom in the castle, even the abandoned ones. Don't worry, we kept the toilets safe."
"How long will it last?" Macdonald questions, she's grinning from ear-to-ear as if this is the best thing to ever happen. No wonder Gryffindors are so braindead, they clearly don't give a shit about their education.
"Only until midnight," Potter assures. "Lessons will resume tomorrow. Moony wouldn't let us do it for longer than a day, I think he's afraid of Lily."
Regulus wonders who Moony could be? It's likely some stupid nickname he's made up for one of his friends. He stops listening in on the conversation between the Gryffindors, and waits for their Professor to return.
Lessons end up being cancelled for the entire day.
***
Tuesday - 4th September, 1973
Sirius
What was supposed to be the second day back in lessons became the first, thanks to their prank. Sirius is a little put-out that they missed their first Divination lesson, he had been looking forward to that subject the most, but it had been worth it to see the look of frustration on Minnie's face when she realised she was out-smarted by students and could not access her own classroom.
Sirius is already trying to get used to the changes third year has thrown at him. First of all, the amount of gaps in his timetable (okay, yes, he does have to attend seventh periods now, but it's totally worth it for the lie-in he will now get every Wednesday morning). Then, there's Marlene's new haircut. Sirius had suggested she chop off her long hair, since she hated it; on the first day back, Marlene had rocked up with shoulder-length hair and a fringe. Sirius has made it his job to compliment her on the new look whenever the opportunity shows itself.
Finally, perhaps the worst change this year: it's Darius' final year at Hogwarts.
Unexpectedly, Sirius has bonded with the McKinnons over his two years at Hogwarts. Especially Darius, who has come to feel like Sirius' very own older brother. Next year, it will be Gideon, Fabian and Edwin's final year - don't even get him started on how much it will hurt to see them go. Who will commentate the Quidditch games? Who will he be able to look up to? Who will clap him and his friends on the back after they've pulled a prank?
At least Marlene won't be leaving him anytime soon.
She sticks by his side as they make their way to their first lesson of the year, which ends up being Transfiguration anyway. Sirius grins at Minnie, offering her an enthusiastic "Good morning" which she returns mildly. She must still be peeved off by yesterday's prank. If anything, she should be thanking him. He got her a day off work, so she didn't have to deal with moody teenagers all day. Honestly, the lack of gratitude is dismaying.
Unfortunately, because it is only the first lesson of the year, they go through the year's syllabus. Sirius almost falls asleep halfway through the lesson, only returning to consciousness when Marlene shoves him with her elbow.
The next lesson is a little bit more exciting, but it still isn't one of the electives he picked this year, which is disappointing. He enters Herbology with James and Frank by his side. Sprout is quick to separate them, placing everyone into groups for a new project. Sirius is only grateful they aren't doing theory work, then he would definitely fall asleep. Much to his delight, Sirius gets put in a group with Lily and Xeno. Most people in the class are placed with people who are their housemates or who they are friends with. James and Frank are joined by Bradley, who they know through Sirius, so they aren't disappointed with the new seating arrangement either.
They aren't working on Mandrakes this year, which is not very convenient for Sirius' important plan to rob one of the plants of a few leaves. Lily seems just as put-out when she does a scan of the greenhouse and finds it is empty of the screaming little buggers.
This term, their main focus is Puffapods, which Sirius has only heard of but never seen. Sprout offers a quick explanation of what the plants really are - flowers that produce massive seedpods that instantly flower when they come into contact with any solid surface - and Sirius thinks they sound like the sort of plant Xeno would keep for fun. He is curious to see if his finger counts as a solid surface. It would be cool if he could simply touch a tiny seed and have a flower spring out because of it.
Much to his dismay, they do not get to study the plants today. Sprout gives each group a petal to examine, which seems pointless to Sirius, but both Lily and Xeno get excited when they notice the veins running through it contain magical sap. The petal itself is pink, but the sap bleeds out a metallic purple colour, catching Sirius' intrigue. It doesn't flow out, the petal regurgitates it and the sap falls out in bulges. As it slides along the large cavity slide they have the petal settled on, Sirius thinks about how it reminds him of a galaxy, it moves in waves like the ocean. Lily grabs a microscope from the edge of the greenhouse and places the cavity slide under the lens. She peers through it and gasps, exciting Xeno and Sirius.
"Oh my god, you have to look at this!" Lily exclaims, pulling away from the microscope and letting Xeno step forward. He bends down until his eye is level with the eyepiece lens and then gasps in a way that imitates Lily's reaction.
When it is Sirius' turn to look, he steps forward eagerly and peers through the eye lens. At first, he sees nothing but darkness, so he adjusts his head. His eyes widens at the image that appears in front of him. The tiny cells in the sap look like miniature blob people that keep waking up only to fall asleep again seconds later, some tripping over each other as if they are disorientated. Sirius remembers what he read about Puffapods in their Herbology textbook the year before. The spores of a Puffapod can be used to cause dizziness. He chuckles at the thought that even the cells are affected by their own trick.
They write down what they have discovered. When the end of the lesson comes around, Lily and Sirius have formulated a plan to retrieve the Mandrake leaves they need. Sirius is supposed to distract Sprout, while Lily goes to Greenhouse Two and steals the leaves. Sirius argues at first, wanting to be the one who gets the leaves, but Lily manages to convince him when she rebuttals, saying Sirius is better at causing distractions than she is.
She has a point.
Once the lesson ends, Sirius makes his way over to the front of the greenhouse where Sprout is waving her wand to get rid of all the leftover plant sap at everyone's work stations.
"Professor, excellent lesson as always," Sirius grins.
"Oh, thank you, Mr Tonks. How are you liking the Puffapods?"
"Very interesting," he nods. "I have a question about them actually."
"Ask away, son," she beams, probably glad someone is actually showing an interest in this subject. Sirius has never had a thing against Herbology, but he can't see himself still taking the lesson in sixth year when he finally has the chance to drop it. He is more interested in plants below the sea, not above it. Herbology has always been Pete's subject anyway.
"How is it that the cells are able to maintain the plant's needs if they are barely conscious? Surely, the plant itself would either spend it's life asleep or it would lack most of the necessities it needs to survive and it would have a much lower life span than it already does."
"Puffapods have triple the amount of cells a human being does, which is very unusual for a plant. There is always enough cells awake at a certain time to maintain the plant and access the necessary food and drink and such required to keep the plant alive," Sprout explains enthusiastically and Sirius finds himself growing more intrigued. He will definitely be adding this to their project notes. Lily will be very happy to see they'll be ahead of the rest of the class. "Have you any other questions, Mr Tonks? I wouldn't want you to miss the rest of your break time, and I must get this greenhouse cleaned before my next class arrives."
"Oh, of course. Sorry, Professor," Sirius says politely. "Have a nice day."
"You too, Sirius."
He grins as he exits the greenhouse and then worry begins to fill him. When he walks around to the front of the greenhouses, he finds Lily waiting patiently for him, her bag slung over her shoulder and relief floods through him.
"Did you get them?"
She nods with a pleased smile as they start walking back up to the castle. "I got five just in case it goes wrong for someone. I didn't want to take too many, in case Sprout notices, so if we need more we will just have to go back."
"Good idea," Sirius agrees. Then, turning to Lily slowly, a smirk stretches across his face. She eyes him warily. "You stole from a professor, Evans. Am I truly such a bad influence, I was able to corrupt Lily Evans? I'm honestly a little proud."
"Shut up," Lily hisses. "It's- it's for a good cause."
"Sure," Sirius shrugs, "whatever you have to tell yourself so you can sleep at night."
Lily groans. "I hate you."
"Aww, Evans," Sirius presses his hand to his heart. "I hate you too."
With another groan, Lily stomps off and Sirius follows, cackling joyfully.
"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," Sirius coos.
"Really?" Remus tilts his head to the side.
"What do you mean really ? Yes! Just..." He grabs Remus' face and shoves it in the direction of Ayers' tank. "Just look at that little face."
"Ah, yes, very cute," Remus replies, his voice coming out muffled where Sirius is still squishing his cheeks with his hands. He shoves him away with a tut, making Sirius snort.
"Could you babysit him for an hour or two, I have a life to live." Sirius has already made his way across the dorm room to the door. "I pay well," he winks.
"Fine, as long as you're not up to anything," Remus narrows his eyes at Sirius suspiciously.
"Me? Never."
Remus raises an eyebrow. "Right, and I'm not a werewolf," he says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Have you seen James and Pete? I haven't seen them since dinner."
"No idea," Sirius shrugs, already opening the door. "Maybe they're up to something. See you later, try not to kill my baby!" He rushes down the windy staircase and finds Lily waiting at the bottom.
"We'll have to take the long way, it's too early," Sirius speaks before she can say anything. "Peter and James are already there."
"What is the long way?" Lily asks. Sirius grabs her arm and starts off in the direction of the portrait.
"We need to be as fast as possible, I don't want Remus to get suspicious." They step out of the portrait and jump onto the nearest set of stairs just as it begins to move. "It's in the reading lounge on the fifth floor that no one has ever used."
"I use it," Lily argues with an offended huff.
"Of course, you do, Evans. Most people do not, which is why Ric was smart putting one of the entrances in there."
"Who's Ric?"
"Godric," Sirius raises his eyebrows - that was obvious, wasn't it?
When they reach the reading lounge - or study lounge, whatever you want to call it - Sirius leads them over to the book maze immediately and watches as Lily hesitates for the first time during their Animagi journey.
"We're going in there ?"
"Yeah, that's where the entrance is," Sirius explains, eyes sincere to show her this isn't him joking about. "I'm assuming James and Peter already went in since they aren't here."
"Is this a prank?" Lily asks, taking a step back. "If it is, it isn't funny, Sirius. I've heard this maze is dangerous."
"I promise, Lily, if I was going to prank you, it would be far better than trapping you in a maze of books. That seems like a punishment for Mulciber, not you." She snorts and he holds his hand out, not moving his eyes from hers once. "Come on, we'll go together."
"Okay, fine," she says, ignoring his hand and walking straight into the maze. In a whisper, he hears her say, "For Remus."
Using Godric's ridiculous carpet navigation system, it doesn't take them long at all to reach the middle of the maze, where they find James and Pete waiting for them, evidently not having gone into the room yet. Peter is browsing the shelves, whilst James is reading a book on rare occlumency cases. Lily breathes a sigh of relief when she notices the other two boys and Sirius has to prevent himself from rolling his eyes.
They go down the trap door and then immediately leave the room through the exit behind the tapestry. It takes about twenty minutes with their speed-walking to arrive at the cross-section. Sirius takes the lead, in case there's anything dangerous down here. It's Godric Gryffindor, he was a reckless guy. You can never be too safe.
Sirius has no idea what is down here, but judging by what Remus could smell, he's assuming it's a Muggle convenience shop or something. The closest Muggle village is miles away though and Sirius isn't sure how far Remus' supernatural senses stretch. He's only hoping they won't be here all night, then Remus will definitely be suspicious, that is if he isn't already.
The tunnel ends up veering downwards until they are walking down a slope, luckily not too steep. Sirius is the only one who has mastered Lumos so far because they haven't reached that lesson yet, but he likes to know convenient spells so teaches himself sometimes. With his wand lit in front of him, he notices when they reach even ground again; and then a few feet further, they approach three stone steps. They lead up to a trapdoor that looks suspiciously similar to the one in the basement of Honeydukes. The strangest part, however, is that Sirius can now smell window cleaner himself. It burns his nostrils, and when he tries to breathe through his mouth, it scolds his throat. He coughs, so do the others once they get a whiff of it too.
"What is that?" James gags.
"Something chemical-y," Sirius answers, climbing the steps and surreptitiously pushing at the trapdoor. It moves with ease, so he tries to make as little noise as possible.
"Wow," Peter says, sounding muffled. Sirius guesses he is covering his face with his sleeve as the smell only enhances when he opens the trapdoor. "Something chemical-y. Well, we wouldn't have guessed that."
"Quiet, Pete, we don't know what's up here," Sirius whispers. "Is it just me, or can you also smell-"
"Something fruity," Lily nods, stepping around James and Peter to join Sirius on the stairs.
Together, they push the trapdoor up and out of the way, careful not to let it bang against the floor. Then, Sirius clambers out, landing awkwardly on his stomach, and helps Lily up. James and Peter join them shortly after, and they finally take in their surroundings. Just like the other secret passage he and Remus discovered in first year, this one leads to a basement, but this one definitely isn't Honeydukes. Crates are stacked around them, some open and some sealed. There's a massive cooling wrack behind them, stacked with bottles, kept cold with spells.
"Is this the basement of The Three Broomsticks?" James gapes.
"I think so," Sirius replies. He goes over to an open crate and pulls out an unopened bottle of Ogden's Finest Firewhisky. He holds it up to show everyone and grins. "Care for a drink anyone?"
"No," Lily snaps before James or Peter can say anything. "We are not here for that, besides you are far too young. Put it back."
"Excuse you, I am the oldest here," Sirius tuts. "Besides, I'm surprised you didn't mention anything about the blatant thievery, but I guess you are a larcener now yourself, aren't you, Evans?" His smirk grows as Lily marches forward, ripping the bottle from his hand and placing it back in the crate herself. She glares at him fiercely.
"We are here for Remus, or have you forgotten?" Lily settles him with a harsh stare. "What we should be doing, rather than pillaging Rosmerta's alcohol supply, is searching for someplace we can hide our ingredients."
"Yeah, yeah, fine." Sirius raises his hands in surrender and Lily softens a bit. "Come on then, let's have a look around."
They each split up and search the large basement. It reminds Sirius a bit of a library, the way the bottles are kept on shelves that run down multiple aisles. Except, instead of musty, old books kept by miserable Madam Pince, it's fine bottles of wine and spicy whisky. Sirius admires a few of the older bottles, checking over his shoulder first so as to not get scolded by Lily.
"Hey, guys!" Peter yells and Sirius almost drops the bottle in his hand from the unexpected noise. "I think I found something."
They all meet back in the middle and then Peter leads them over to the cooler in the back of the basement.
"See, here." With his foot, Peter steps on a flagstone on the floor. It tilts under his foot, revealing a gap. "Would this be any good?"
James and Lily both crouch down. James slides the stone to the side and Lily reaches her hand in the pit left over. Her hand disappears and so does the first half of her forearm.
"It's deep enough..." she mumbles "...wide enough..."
"You did good, Pete," Sirius says, patting his friend on the shoulder. Peter grins.
"I think this will work," Lily nods, smiling and pulling her arm free of the hole in the ground. "Does everyone agree? This is where we could keep the ingredients? It doesn't take too long to get here. Especially, if we take the short way from the common room."
"Won't Rosmerta eventually notice it's loose, though?" James questions.
"We could find a spell to keep it held there," Lily suggests. "Then, we remove it when we need to access the ingredients and it'll be reapplied as soon as we close it up again."
"So, we all agree? This is where we'll keep the ingredients?" Sirius asks the group. They all nod. "Brilliant. Let's go, we've already been gone for over an hour and Remus is alone in the dorm."
"Where's Frank?" James asks.
"Probably with Alice," Peter snorts.
"Yep, they went out for a fly just before I left," Lily declares, standing up. "They'll probably get back around the same time we do."
"Did you bring the Mandrake leaves?"
"Oh, right," Lily says, reaching into her pocket for the vial containing the five leaves. She hands them to James, who is still crouching beside the hole, and he places them inside before shifting the flagstone over it. Sirius casts the spell to seal it shut, and then they all hurry off back through the tunnel.
Wednesday - 5th September, 1973
Sirius lies in bed on Wednesday morning, enjoying his extra hour of rest. Unfortunately, Frank and Remus still have scheduled lessons, so they both had to wake up at the usual time, which woke Sirius up. Remus may appear to be a quiet person, but he isn't half clumsy. Sirius is half certain the boy bumped into every single thing he walked passed this morning on purpose.
James went down to breakfast already because he and Frank were up unnaturally early for their own Quidditch practice sessions. The freaks. So, it's just Peter and Sirius. Peter has already started getting ready, humming to the Bowie record Sirius stuck on Remus' record player. Sirius is still laying in his bed, one of his legs hanging off the edge of his bed.
"I went to a Muggle shop this summer all by myself," Peter announces out of nowhere. Sirius cracks his eyes open slightly and squints at him. Pete's tying his tie and doing a crap job. "I saw Bowie on the front of a magazine, so I bought it. I'm not sure why, I just wanted to get something to see if I could do it. Anyway, I ended up actually reading it and guess what I found out."
"What's that?"
"Bowie's gay too! He came out in '72."
Sirius sits up in his bed suddenly. He knows a lot about Bowie, and when he says a lot, he means that he knows Bowie has a dog called Etzel von Sprieteuful and that his middle name is Robert and that his favourite colours are orange and brown. However, he had not known this about his favourite singer. In hindsight, it makes sense. A lot of sense.
"Are you sure?" Sirius asks.
Peter nods, moving across the room to rummage through his trunk. He pulls out a magazine and chucks it over to Sirius, who catches it easily.
"Page two," Peter says.
Sirius skips over the first page (he will be going back to it later, he intends to keep this for at least a day) and scans through the second page until he finds it. Apparently, Bowie had come out as gay during an interview with Melody Maker. Sirius gasps at the truth written in print.
"I thought he had a wife," Sirius looks up at Peter.
"He does," Peter nods. "Doesn't mean he isn't gay."
"I know," Sirius mumbles, eyes returning to the magazine. "A bit upsetting for her though, isn't it?"
"I guess," Peter shrugs. "I wouldn't marry a woman, but I kind of understand why he did. It's easier, isn't it? People aren't... well, in the wizarding world, people aren't exactly friendly about it, are they?"
Sirius looks up at his friend. "Pete, people are unbelievably ignorant. It's actually crazy how dense they are, considering we've been on this earth for a couple million years. Don't let an idiot tell you that you can't snog a man. In fact, don't let an idiot tell you anything, they're an idiot."
Peter chuckles and Sirius gets up from his bed finally. He fixes Peter's tie for him, knowing he's already given up and would have likely gone to class with it untidy.
"You trust me, right?"
"Right," Peter nods.
"Kiss boys, it's okay. I promise you."
Peter meets his eyes and then pulls Sirius into a hug. "Thank you," he whispers against Sirius' shoulder.
"Don't thank me. As a wise man once said, and by that I mean Moony, acceptance is the bare minimum. Do not allow anyone to ever offer you anything less."
"Alright," Peter mumbles, pulling away. He gives Sirius one of his adorable, little smiles and then pushes him away. "Now, go shower. You smell."
"You just stomped all over our lovely moment," Sirius complains, putting his hands on his hips.
"I will only apologise if you sniff yourself and tell me you smell fine," Peter says seriously.
With a smug expression, Sirius sniffs himself.
The smug expression falls immediately, morphing into one of disgust.
"I'm going to go shower," he points in the direction of the bathroom.
Peter nods. "It'd be best for everyone if you did."
Friday - 7th September, 1973
"Must they do that in public? It's disgusting."
"They're only holding hands."
"Exactly," Sirius grumbles, using his spoon to flatten his cornflakes. "It's making me lose my appetite."
Across the Great Hall, Black and Scarlett Stark, another Slytherin in their year, are holding hands. Sirius had heard rumours about their supposed relationship, but he didn't think it was true.
"I agree with Sirius," James declares. "Just look at them, they can't even properly eat their food because they've only got one hand."
"Then don't look at them," Remus says, sliding across the bench to obscure James and Sirius' view of the Slytherin table. "There. Better?"
"No," Sirius complains. "I know it's still happening."
"Scarlett isn't so bad, you know," Peter says offhandedly.
Sirius and James glare at him simultaneously.
"What? Benji and I got grouped with her in Herbology and she's actually really funny. Do you want to know what she said about Professor Ket-"
"Do we have any planned pranks that keep couples from touching each other by any chance?" James asks, ignoring Peter. It's unusual of him to be so rude to his friend, but Sirius doesn't pay it any mind, too busy trying to avoid the conversation of Scarlett and Regulus too.
"I don't think so," Sirius responds. "Good idea though, we should come up with one."
"Okay, I get why Sirius has an issue with it. He has an issue with everything Regulus does, but why are you so annoyed by it, James?" Remus asks before biting into his chocolate chip pancake.
He shrugs. "I'm not a fan of public displays of affection."
Remus looks as if he is about to argue but is interrupted when the morning post arrives. Sirius grins at the sight of his parents' owl and waits for it to land on the table in front of him. He unties the letter and then feeds a few dry cornflakes to the bird, petting it before it swoops off again. Eagerly, he rips open the envelop and pulls out the letter. When he unfolds it, something falls out.
It's a Muggle sonogram.
Sirius feels tears spring to his eyes as he stares down at the first picture of his baby sister. She's so tiny. She looks like a little, baby alien.
"Hi," he says excitedly.
"Uh, Sirius?"
He looks up and finds his three friends staring at him with confusion.
"I have some news," Sirius says before flipping the picture in his hands and presenting it to them. They all stare at it in wonder. Peter is the first to speak.
"Oh, Merlin," he gasps.
"I know."
"I... gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't know," Pete says. "How long have you been expecting?"
Sirius goes to answer and then realises... He stares blankly at Peter as James and Remus burst into laughter.
"Guys!" Sirius whines. "This is supposed to be a special moment! I'm going to be a big brother!"
"They are really cute," James giggles giddily.
"I know," Sirius grins. "She's adorable."
"She?" Remus asks.
"Yep, I'm having a sister," Sirius grins proudly. Then, he turns serious, and points his two index fingers towards Remus and James. "Some ground rules: no falling in love with each other's siblings, alright? We didn't have this rule before because up until now, we were all only siblings, but now I am enforcing it. No falling in love with my sister."
"Sirius, she's literally a foetus," James snorts. "I don't think you have anything to worry about."
"You definitely don't," Remus adds.
"Good," Sirius smiles. "I promise the same to you, if you guys ever have any siblings. I won't go making any moves on them."
"We appreciate that," Remus nods sarcastically.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-James: *is kind* Regulus: how dare he?!
They're so silly, honestly.
-Regulus feeling relieved by the sight of Scarlett :( Oh, they're such cute, but very odd, friends! ALSO, James knows about Scarlett and Regulus and he is not okay with it. He doesn't know why he isn't okay with it, but he is a bitter boy. And then there's just Remus who's like: why do you even care?
-I don't like Alecto, but her crush on Evan is so valid. he is absolutely beautiful in my mind <3
-I left some Rosekiller hints in this chapter and it made me so happy :( I've been rereading CR and iykyk, it makes me sad that (SPOILERS FOR CRIMSON RIVERS !!) they never even met :(
-Barty is such a menace in this chapter. Stimp. Just...Stimp. Poor Scarlett, although, to be fair, she will give as good as she gets.
-I'm never getting over the fact that Pandora and Regulus are the reason behind their first DADA teacher fleeing in the middle of the night 😭😭
-How Regulus remembers the McKinnons: girl-McKinnon, Seeker-McKinnon, Commentator-McKinnon, other-McKinnon. He is so real for that. Honestly, there are loads of them. It's like the Weasleys all over again, just a bit smaller.
-ALSO, how Regulus sees James: he thinks he's better than everyone else. How James sees James: he just wants to fit in and doesn't want what happened to Harry to happen again :(
-Can we just talk about how Sirius is like the best friend ever for a minute? Firstly, there's his friendship with Marlene, which is adorable and everyone is so confused because Marlene is shy in this fic and Sirius is oh so loud. Then, there's Lily, who still dislikes him too, but he just takes it and uses it and he's so fond of her 😫 Then, there's his friendship with Peter and their little "gay is okay" moment. Sirius is so supportive and this boy has such a big heart :(
-I made up most of the information in this chapter that concerns Puffapods. It is canon that they are used in potions to create dizziness and they do sprout flowers by simply touching a solid surface, but other than that, I made it all up.
-I love adding foreshadowing into these earlier chapters and knowing that you guys are so clueless to it now, but later on down the line, you'll look back and think about how evil I am hehehehe
-Sirius: "No falling in love with each other's siblings!" James: "Does it count if you are unaware that they are your sibling?" Me: "Remus, listen the fuck up!"Okay, enough rambling (even though I could literally sit here and do it for days). I need to go and revise, how fun! 😒
Have a great weekend, everyone, and I'll see you sometime next week! <3
Chapter 32: Third Year: I Want To Pretend
Summary:
The Marauders Map is introduced officially.
They go to Hogsmeade.
James goes for a little wander.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-nightmare
-brief mention of a child's funeralNext chapter probably won't be out for about ten days because I have exams starting tomorrow and I need to focus on them. Thanks so much for 11k hits! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Once upon a time, the planets and the fates
And all the stars aligned
You and I ended up in the same room
At the same time
And the touch of a hand lit the fuse
Of a chain reaction of countermoves
~ Taylor Swift
Saturday - 8th September, 1973
Remus
Today, when the post arrives, a letter drops in front of Remus, landing right on top of his pancakes, almost knocking over Mary's pumpkin juice. He notices Marie's handwriting and immediately excuses himself from the table, so he can go somewhere private to read it. He finds an alcove a little ways passed the Transfiguration classroom and shuffles in there.
Marie's letters have become more frequent since second year. Remus can imagine what his father will say about it the next time they see each other, he rolls his eyes at the thought. This is already the second letter he has received from her this year and he's only been gone for a week. Still, he waits for them eagerly every morning at breakfast, hoping to see his father's barn owl.
Remus,
There is a new student at school this year, which is completely crazy because there is never anyone new in this place. He's an exchange student from France and he's a book nerd, just like you. Felix keeps letting him sit with us, which would be fine, except he reminds me of you and I don't want a Remus look-alike, I just wish you were here. I don't even understand why you wanted to go to this fancy pants boarding school in the first place. You should be here with us, Remus, suffering in high-school!
I guess your new friends are pretty cool, especially that James guy, he was so sweet. I think Cara wrote to him. Strange, if you ask me. Felix is definitely jealous. I wish you could at least come back for Halloween, there's this girl in the year above called Sarah who is having this massive party and we got invited. I think I'm ready to try alcohol, but I'm scared my dadi will find out. He would definitely kill me and find some way to blame Felix. I don't get what his problem is with him since Felix is the literal definition of an angel.
Anyway, back to this exchange student. His name is Hugo, with a French accent. It's not that there's something wrong with him, he's actually very funny. He even got Cara to laugh, Remus. She actually laughed. Yes. I'm not joking. He's funny and he is sweet, but it feels like he is trying to fill your space, and I refuse to let that happen. If Hugo is still around by Christmas, I'll introduce you to him, you two would get along. Then, maybe he will understand that he can't just waltz in here with his French charm and gross, old, very out-of-fashion Doc Martens and replace you.
Something hilarious happened in Church last Sunday. You know Justine who sets up the ceremonies? Well, she and her husband were arguing throughout the entire thing and then at the very end she stood up and yelled at him, accusing him of being a cheater. Honestly, I didn't know Derek had it in him, he always seemed so taken by her. Cara thinks Justine only said it to save her own skin in front of the whole village and that she was actually the one cheating. I don't know who she would be cheating with. All of the men in the village are either old enough to be her great-grandad or are married. Derek has been banned from Church officially, which is a bit harsh. Isn't Jesus all about forgiveness?
That's all the drama I have for you, Rem. I hope the cold Scottish weather is biting you in the arse. It's karma for abandoning us.
Love,
Marie
P.S: I enclosed the polaroid that you mentioned in your last letter, the one James wanted. See you at Christmas (if you're coming back). Love you!
Reaching in the envelope, he pulls out a small photo from James' third day in Wales, when the five of them first went to the marshes. James has mud all up the side of his face, covering one of the lenses of his glasses, but he's grinning right at the camera. Cara is standing beside him with mud-soaked hands; she had thrown the mud at James' face only seconds before the photo was taken. Felix and Remus are in the background, both on the floor and drenched from head-to-toe in oily sludge, their faces scrunched up with laughter. Marie's face is the closest to the camera, as she holds two muddy fingers up in a peace sign, whilst the other holds the camera. Her blonde hair is stained with muck.
He smiles down at it before pocketing it, along with the letter. Breakfast will be over now, so his friends will likely have returned to the dormitory.
When he finally reaches Gryffindor Tower (Hogwarts need to invest in some new stairs, or maybe even a lift), he enters the common room and finds Sirius, Lily, James and Peter all huddled on the couch around a piece of paper that Lily is holding. He wanders over to them to see what they are up to, but when James glances up and notices him, he whispers something to the others and Lily folds up the piece of paper and shoves it in her bag.
Well, that was... weird.
What are they hiding from him?
"Hey, guys, what are you doing?" Remus asks, eyeing them all suspiciously.
"Lily was having a look at our Muggle Studies homework for us," Sirius replies with a nonchalant shrug.
"We don't have to do it now," Lily adds. "I'll have a proper look later."
"Brilliant," Sirius grins.
"Sirius, didn't you grow up in the Muggle world?" Remus raises his eyebrows in question.
"With magical parents," is his response. "So, I don't know everything there is to know, unlike Evans here." Sirius nudges Lily's knee with his own and Remus is surprised when she doesn't scowl and shove the boy away. She hates Sirius.
"Right. Sure, yeah," he clears his throat. Remus digs in his pocket for the polaroid and turns to James. "Marie sent this for you."
"Oh, great!" James jumps up from his seat and Remus passes him the photo. James somehow manages to smile and grimace at the same time as he stares down at the photo. He is probably remembering how difficult it was to get the mud off in the shower. "Can I keep this?"
"Yeah, it's yours," Remus says, mirroring his friend's smile. "You could put it on the wall in the dorm if you want."
"Let's go do it now," James exclaims excitedly.
"Well, I'm going to leave you lot to it," Lily says, slapping her hands on her knees before getting up off the couch. "See you later, boys."
"Bye, Evans!"
"See ya, Lils."
They hurry up to their room and find it empty. James uses a sticking charm to attach the polaroid to the wall behind his bed, just above the headboard. It fits in well with the Puddlemere United poster and the other pictures he has up there already. One of them is of his parents dancing in the kitchen at the Potter's home, it moves unlike the Muggle one from Marie. The other one is from last Christmas, it depicts all of their friends (except Azalia, who couldn't make it) and Barty Crouch Junior. Remus laughs at that, it had been an odd surprise to have him there.
He realises that this is the first time the four of them are altogether in the dormitory alone since the year began. He's been waiting for the perfect time to announce that he finished the map. Remus had been hoping to have it finished by the end of second year, but it took him a couple of days into this school term to complete all of the required spells.
Now, however, the perfect time has arrived.
"Do you lot want to pull the prank on the Slytherins tonight or leave it until tomorrow, so they can suffer in class?" Sirius asks.
Remus, who is rummaging through his trunk for the completed map, finds it and grabs it and then stands up to his full height, holding the piece of parchment behind his back. "I have a better idea."
"Better than pranking Snape and Black?" Peter raises an eyebrow. "I feel Sirius will disagree with that one, Moons."
"Oh, really?" He smirks, revealing the map and holding it out. "I think you'll find I am correct, actually."
"Is that...?" James' eyes widen.
Remus nods.
"You finished it!" Sirius jumps up ecstatically, grinning from ear-to-ear. "You beauty, Lupin."
"Want to try to get into it?" Still smirking, he hands Sirius the seemingly blank parchment.
"Revelio," Sirius mumbles, pointing his wand at it.
Remus smiles as a message bleeds onto the page, a message from Moony. His main aim when creating this part of the map was to make the responses as alike to their honest opinions of the intruder, or intruders, as possible. So, as Moony's words appear on the page, Remus wonders what they will say.
Sirius gasps and Remus watches as he reads the message, eyes moving rapidly down the page. He snorts and looks up at Remus. "Very classy, Moony." He passes it to Remus, who turns it over in his hands and reads the message.
Messrs Moony would like to tell Sirius Tonks that he is welcome to this map at any time. However, if he forgets the password again, he should kindly piss off, the idiot.
If he needs assistance remembering the password, he can offer Moony chocolate as a bribe, but there is no guarantee he will help.
"How did you do that?" Peter guffaws, reading from Remus' side.
"That's so cool," James says from over Remus' shoulder.
"It took ages, which is why it wasn't really ready until now. If you try to access it again, there will be another message from Peter, then Sirius, then James, you get it. However, you don't have nicknames yet, so I just went with initials for now."
"Wicked," Peter breathes.
"So what is the password?" James asks.
Remus grins mysteriously and then pulls out his wand and annunciates, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
Ink blooms on the page, growing like vines and swirling and bending, Peter's artistic design reappearing before their eyes. On the front - Remus added this part all by himself - it reads: MESSRS. THE MARAUDERS are proud to present THE MARAUDERS' MAP.
"Once you lot have nicknames, we can put those on here instead, but until then I thought this would be best, so that if it does fall into the wrong hands, and the person discovers how to activate it, we'll remain anonymous."
"Did you manage the Homunculus charm?" Sirius gasps.
Remus nods again and unfolds the map, revealing a part of the castle. Little tags labelled with students' and teachers' names follow mini footsteps through the corridors and classrooms. Remus had tried to add ghosts to the map, but found it impossible to use the Homunculus charm on the dead. He did, however, manage to use it on Peeves (since he isn't technically dead, he's just a Poltergeist).
"Oh god," Sirius cries excitedly. "This is... You're amazing, Moony! Is that really where Minnie is right now?" He points to the staffroom, Pete's swirly handwriting having marked each location on the map.
"Yep."
"Brilliant," James whispers.
"I've had an idea," Remus says. He isn't sure how James will feel about this plan, but with the map existing and pointing out where every living thing in the castle is, he might be comfortable with it.
"Does it have anything to do with this map?" Sirius asks.
"Yes."
"Then, we're doing it."
Almost twelve hours later finds them huddling under James' invisibility cloak, which becomes more difficult with each year that passes, because Remus has grown an inordinate amount. Remus keeps checking the map to make sure Filch isn't about, or Mrs Norris. They are both in his office at the moment, so Remus assumes they won't be a bother tonight. Filch has probably fallen asleep behind his unused desk.
Remus suggested a game of hide and seek, with no place in the castle being off limits, and James has his cloak so they can test if the Homunculus charm still works accurately even with people using invisibility cloaks - not that anyone else in the castle likely has one as authentic as James'. Those are incredibly rare.
They make their way down, invisibly, to the entrance of the Great Hall. Remus decides to be the seeker (ironic, since he hates Quidditch), whilst the other three are the hiders. He doesn't tell the other boys the real reason he wants to be the one with the map. It is because Remus knows Regulus Black has been sneaking around the castle at night since first year. He doesn't want to risk anymore duels breaking out between Regulus and Sirius. Peter doesn't like Regulus either, mainly because Sirius doesn't. James would probably be worried someone is out alone in the dark and go to the boy, which would inevitably end badly too. Regulus would likely hex James for disrupting him and the others would be hiding all night, waiting for James to come and find him, but he would never arrive.
So, when they get to the Great Hall, Remus keeps a hold of the map and James folds up the invisibility cloak to keep in his pocket. He and Sirius have their mirrors, so they can communicate. Remus thinks this is a good idea, especially if James starts getting antsy after being alone for too long.
"Hey, it's nearly midnight," Sirius whispers worriedly.
"Scared, Tonks? That's unlike you," Remus says with a snort.
"No," he swats at Remus' arm. "You haven't given me a word yet today. You're running out of time, so get on with it."
Remus rolls his eyes at Sirius' dramatics. Then, he bends down until he is eye-level with the boy, and whispers, "Rhedeg."
"What does that mean?" Sirius' eyes are full of curiosity, gleaming grey in the dark that looms through the corridor.
"Run."
It takes them a second to realise what he's said, but then, all at once, the three boys run off in different directions. Remus covers his eyes with his left hand and counts to sixty in his head. It's a big castle, so they won't have been able to go too far in a minute, but they can still move about after the countdown has run out, it'll just be unlucky for whoever Remus chooses to pursue first.
He uses his wand to open the map, muttering the password under his breath.
The first thing he notices is Filch, who has now left his office and is prowling up and down the second-floor corridor like a caged animal. Remus curses at the sight of his name tag, followed closely by his horrid cat's name. He'd thought they wouldn't be a problem tonight. He just hopes the map truly does work. If it does, he can use it to navigate around where Filch is. He just needs to not get caught, and assure that the others don't get caught either.
He searches the map for his friends. The first person his eyes snag on is Peter, who has headed in the direction of the greenhouses. Remus grins and turns right, heading for the front door of the castle. He switches between watching Peter on the map and looking over his shoulder to make sure he isn't being followed. Even with the map, he wants to be wary, just in case it doesn't work.
Peter has squeezed himself into a corner right between Greenhouses Six and Seven. When Remus reaches the Northern side of the castle where the greenhouses are evenly laid out, he makes his steps lighter, so Peter won't hear him coming. He comes up from behind, watching the back of Peter's head.
"Found you!"
"Ahhhh-!" Peter screams and Remus has to slap his hand over his friend's mouth to keep him quiet, so as to not alert any teachers - or Filch - of their whereabouts. Peter pushes his hand away a minute later. "Merlin's bollocks, Moony. You didn't have to scare me like that."
"It was more fun that way," Remus shrugs, grinning. "Come on, let's go find the others." He unfolds the map again and finds that Sirius is hiding in the very back of the library, which is risky without the cloak because Madam Pince has spells that protect her books during the night time. Remus can see James, so he assumes the map is impervious to invisibility cloaks. James is down in the dungeons, not going in any particular direction, just aimlessly walking through the empty corridors.
Just when Remus is about to move his eyes away from James, he notices a dot exiting through the portrait that leads to the Slytherin common room. It's Regulus Black. Remus angles the map away from Peter and leads them in the direction of the library instead. He doesn't think James and Regulus' paths overlap, so he doesn't let himself worry about James following the Slytherin boy to the tower.
It takes them a while to get to the library because it is on the fourth floor and the moving stairs don't seem to be on their side tonight. Remus marches over to the back of the library where Sirius is supposed to be, when he turns the corner of the last shelf, he finds nothing but empty space. Confused, he glances back down at the map where it says Sirius should be standing right in front of him. Peter is keeping a lookout at the entrance right now, in case Madam Pince decides to come and check on her books.
"Sirius?" He whispers. It's almost too quiet for him to hear, but he manages to catch it. A breath. Just a surprised exhale. Somewhere to his right. He turns on the spot and sniggers. Sirius is using a disillusionment charm. Did he really think that would work?
Remus reaches his hand out into the empty space in front of him. When his hand meets the surface of Sirius' chest, he pushes him into the bookshelf, waving his wand in his other hand, removing the disillusionment charm easily. Sirius appears in front of, grinning smugly. His hair is up in a bun, one strand has come loose and hangs in his face.
"Twat," Remus mutters, shoving him lightly. "Did you think that would trick me? You realise I'm a werewolf, right?"
Sirius rolls his eyes, not bothering to shove Remus' grip on his shirt away. "I wanted to test disillusionment charms too. I knew you'd find me, you always do." He brings his hand up and gently wraps it around Remus' wrist, eyes stuck on Remus'. "You want to let me go now, Moony?"
Remus steps back suddenly, only now realising the lack of space between them. He finds it surprisingly difficult to swallow air for a second. Shaking his head to free himself of the peculiar dizziness that has suddenly overcome him, he pulls out the map and unfolds it. He reactivates it.
"Just gotta find James now," he mumbles. Sirius moves forward, rising onto his tip-toes so he can read the map over Remus' shoulder. Remus feels very warm all of a sudden.
"What's he doing in the dungeons?"
"No idea, I think he panicked. Pete ended up outside," Remus whispers and Sirius snorts. It ruffles the hair at the nape of Remus' neck, making him shudder. "Come on, let's- uh, let's go find him." Quickly, he re-joins Peter at the front of the library and Sirius isn't far behind him.
Remus double and triple checks the map to make sure James hasn't moved to another part of the castle. He's entered one of the Potions classrooms now, the one they had all of their lessons in last year.
It's easier getting down the moving staircases than it had been trying to go up them. The three Gryffindors enter the snake pit, luckily there is no sign of Filch or Mrs Norris. It takes a couple of minutes to arrive at their old Potions classroom. Remus can hear James as soon as he enters. He's standing at the back of the classroom where Slughorn keeps the projects that are created by the students in Potions club. Remus walks over to where James is standing invisibly, Peter and Sirius follow him.
"Found you, James," he says softly as a way of announcing his presence. Remus pulls the cloak off his friend and James smiles up at him before turning to look back at a vial on a shelf. Remus reads the little tag labelling it.
REGULUS BLACK & JAMES POTTER
POLYJUICE POTION - FINAL PROJECT
circa. 1973
"James?"
"Mm?"
"The map works and the Homunculus charm isn't affected by disillusionment charms or your invisibility cloak," Peter says.
"That's good," James mumbles, then shakes his head as if breaking out of a trance. He turns to his friends and tucks the invisibility cloak into his pocket after Remus offers it back to him. "Should we go back then?"
"Yeah." Remus watches his friend for any sign of... well, anything. James is acting strangely. "Let's go."
When they arrive back in the dormitory, they quietly get ready for bed, careful not to wake Frank. Sirius and Peter are the first to collapse on their beds. Remus finishes brushing his teeth at the same time James starts to wash his face in the sink.
"James, are you alright?" Remus asks instinctively. James has been very quiet since they found him in the Potions classroom and Remus wants to make sure it isn't because he was alone in the dark. He would feel awful if this was his fault. "Sorry you had to go off alone, I wouldn't have made you if-"
"No, it isn't that," James says quietly. "It's nothing you did, I've just been distracted... since summer, actually."
"How come?"
"You'll think I'm being ridiculous," James mumbles, shutting the tap off and turning around so his back is leant against the sink, hands still firmly on the rim.
"Try me," Remus challenges. James stares at the closed door leading to their dorm, clearly pondering whether he is going to tell Remus anything, or if he'll just ask him to forget it.
"You know when Sirius and Regulus got into that duel at the end of last year?"
"Yeah," Remus nods uncertainly, unsure where James is going with this. Remus had not expected him to bring that up again. It had been obvious at the end of last year that James was bothered by it, even if Remus didn't understand why.
"When I told Sirius to leave me alone for a little while and he went to lunch with you and Pete, did he leave right after to come and find me?" James turns to Remus now, eyes desperate and Remus gets the impression his response will be important, even if he has absolutely no idea where James is going with any of this.
"No. Don't you remember? You found us by the lake an hour later," Remus responds.
James' eyes widen and then he smiles. It's small and barely there, but Remus catches it before it flutters away. "That's odd."
"Why?"
"Because Sirius came to find me half an hour after I left him and we spoke about why he is always so cruel to Regulus and then we sort of got into a fight. Once we made up, I hugged him, but if you're going to sit there and tell me that Sirius was with you the entire time, then that means..."
"Someone else was in here," Remus finishes. "But who..." Then, it hits him. James had been staring at the Polyjuice Potion he and Regulus brewed in their club. Remus remembers James admitting to them that he'd used Sirius' hair and turned Slughorn into Sirius, who had found it hilarious when he found out, laughing for ten minutes straight. But that doesn't make sense. Why would Black Polyjuice himself into Sirius and then break into Gryffindor Tower, only to talk about himself and then hug James?
"I don't know why he would do it, it's ridiculous, like I said. But who else could it have been, Remus? Why would anyone else care about Regulus and Sirius' petty rivalry? None of it makes sense," James complains. He sinks to the floor and gently grips his hair. Frankly, James looks like he's just been told that his pet died.
"You could always... ask him about it," Remus suggests. He expects the look of disbelief that James shoots his way, but what he doesn't expect is the sudden blush rising in his friend's cheeks.
"I- I can't," James mumbles. "Because if I do, it would be embarrassing for everyone involved. If I found out that he... that it was him in here-" His voice trails off, so Remus moves over to sit on the floor beside him, pulling James into his side.
"Don't think about it too much, especially if you aren't going to do anything about it. If you aren't bothered about anything he heard or the hug, then it doesn't matter, right? No one's hurt. It's alright."
"I guess," James murmurs silently, letting himself be held.
"Why is it bothering you so much, James?"
James stiffens beneath his arm. "I don't know," he whispers. "Maybe because it was him."
"Are you afraid Sirius will be angry at you?" Remus denotes in a hushed tone.
"I-" James heaves a sigh, pulling away. "Yeah," he smiles tiredly. "I don't want him to find out, so please don't tell anyone."
"I won't," Remus promises.
"Thank you, Moony." They both lift themselves up off the floor. James sends one more tired smile his way, with a quiet, "Good night."
"Good night, James."
***
Sunday - 9th September, 1973
James
Darius doesn't hold any trials for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. None of the players already on the team are eager to leave it and they're like a family, so it would feel like losing one of their arms if they ended up having to replace one person, or more. Darius holds the first Quidditch practice of the year on the Sunday morning just before the Slytherin team's try-outs are to be held. Their Beater left last year, so they need to find another one before their first game in October. James thinks Darius is hoping to sneak a peek at any new players, to get an idea of the competition.
Practice barely wears James out. He's gotten used to Darius' vigorous workouts by now and had maintained regular practice during the summer, so he wouldn't struggle when practice resumed in the new school year. Frank's the same, so James assumes he had spent most of the summer flying too.
When it's over, James rushes to the changing room, desperate for a shower. As soon as he bursts through the door, he bumps into someone. It's then that he remembers the Slytherin team are getting ready for their turn on the pitch. He glances down and finds a grimacing Barty Crouch Junior scowling up at him.
"Oh, hello, Barty. Are you trying out for the Slytherin team?" James asks with a friendly smile. He always tries to be particularly nice to Barty because he is Alice's best friend and he adores Alice, so by extension he should get along with her friends too.
"Ugh," Barty groans, stepping backwards. "You reek! Jump in the shower. Don't walk, bloody run for the sake of everyone in this locker room." Then, he shudders and moves around James, giving him a wide (rather dramatically so) berth, and rushes out of the room.
"He isn't wrong," Frank says, lifting one of his own arms up to give it a sniff. James can smell him from here. Yeah, a shower would be a good idea. Ignoring the rest of the Slytherins in the room, he hurries over to the shower cubicles and undresses quickly within it, before starting the hot water. It works to relieve some of the pressure on his tense muscles, undoing knots and relaxing him to the point where he considers spending the rest of his morning here. However, he knows it will soon grow less desirable when his skin starts to wrinkle under the water.
Turning the water off, he wraps a towel around his waste and exits the shower cubicle, going over to his bag, which is still where he left it on the bench. Fabian and Gideon taught him a spell that protects it from anyone trying to steal it, apparently the twins have a rough history with the Slytherin team doing that to them, but also vice versa.
He gets changed quickly, not waiting for Frank before leaving. He is eager to see the Slytherin try-outs.
The captain - Calvin Greengrass, James does not like him - is floating in the air in front of a group of students between the ages of twelve and seventeen. One of them is Barty, so James guesses his assumption about him trying out for the Beater position had been correct. He looks out for Regulus and eventually his eyes settle on him. He's flying much higher than where the try-outs are proceeding. He looks like a tiny dot zipping around the clouds, arm extended. James thinks he is chasing a Snitch.
He watches them for long enough to discover that Barty is offered the Beater position. In the end, it's his enthusiasm that gets him his place on the team, that and his incredible right-arm. That boy really knows how to whack things with a bat.
James scurries off soon after the announcement, not wanting to be caught when the other disappointed Slytherins, the ones who didn't get the spot, start flying towards the changing rooms.
Monday - 10th September, 1973
James doesn't think Slughorn is partnering them up randomly anymore. In fact, he is quite certain that Slughorn is under the impression he and Regulus are best friends or something. Still, can't the man see that Regulus hates James' guts?
Once again, James and Regulus are paired together - they are the first pair he calls out. The old professor grins as the two of them head over to their usual desk in the back corner of the room. James wonders when they developed a "usual" anything between them. Regulus is clearly grumpy about the entire arrangement and slumps into his seat. James takes the one beside the wall, recalling that Regulus hates it.
The next pair Slughorn calls is Lily and Pandora, and James smiles when they sit at the table in front. At least, he'll have Lily to talk to. Well, she might kick him if he tries to speak to her whilst she's focusing. Still, it's better than nothing. And Regulus has Pandora, it's perfect.
Slughorn keeps listing off partners, James only pays attention when his friend's names are called. Marlene ends up working with a Hufflepuff in their year called Walter Smith. Remus is partnered with Astro. Xeno is put with Josephine Bletchley. Barty and Alice are placed together, which James just finds unfair. Florence and Scarlett. He is happy when Scarlett is put at the complete opposite end of the room to where he and Regulus are sat. Regulus doesn't seem to notice, too busy staring blankly at the table. James is pretty sure the boy is angry, though, for the life of him, he can't think of why he would be.
Pandora turns around in her chair, smile beaming at the two boys behind her. Unexpectedly, she speaks to James first, completely disregarding Regulus.
"Ignore him, he isn't really upset," Pandora says softly.
"Pandora," Regulus grumbles.
"In fact, he's very relieved that you are partners. It means you won't be able beat him in Potions this year either. So, his mother won't send anymore howlers because of your big brains, James."
James' mouth falls open in surprise. He feels like an intruder butting in on Regulus' secrets, unwillingly. He turns to Regulus and closes his mouth, not sure what to say. Glancing back at Pandora, he just nods and mumbles, "Sorry."
"Don't apologise," Pandora shrugs. "It isn't your fault Walburga Black is a tyrant."
"Pandora," Regulus hisses, sharper this time. Pandora's eyes move to him for a second, but her smile doesn't falter, not for a second. It grows. "Stop telling Gryffindors about my mother's issues."
"Everything happens for a reason, Reggie," she grins and then faces the front of the classroom again.
James shares a look with Lily that says, What just happened? She shrugs in response before swivelling back around in her chair. He looks over at Regulus, who is seething silently in his chair. His fingers are rubbing at his temples vigorously, like he's trying to soothe a migraine.
"Sorry," he repeats, quieter this time.
"What?" Regulus snaps back, frustration clear in his tone. He doesn't even look at James, keeping his eyes shut as he continues to rub at his head.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"A lot of things," he admits. James doesn't know where he finds the courage for what he says next, but he regrets it almost as soon as it's tumbled out of his mouth. "But mainly for not asking first. I know you hate it when people touch you without permission."
"You..." A crease forms between his eyebrows and then he opens his eyes, and the sudden shade of blue blinds James. Regulus stares at him, frowning. "What do you mean? How did you know that?"
"I'm observant," James says simply. "And what I meant was, I'm sorry for... for hugging you without asking first. I'm sorry."
There's a flicker, just for a millisecond, of panic in Regulus' eyes before his usual stony expression returns. Looking bored, he asks, "What on earth are you on about, Potter?"
"I know it was you. If you want, we can pretend it never happened."
"Potter, you're talking nonsense," Regulus mumbles, pointedly avoiding looking him in the eye.
"Sure," James nods. Then, a little bit louder, "Did you manage to get your textbook back from Lily?"
Lily glances over her shoulder, her face contorted with confusion.
"Shut up," Regulus whispers angrily. "Just stop talking."
James can't help but feel a sense of triumph at the admission. What Regulus said wasn't really a confession, but the alarm in his eyes was enough to tell James the truth. He hasn't been driving himself crazy over some half-witted assumption. It was Regulus.
Then, James internally panics because... it was Regulus. It was Regulus.
Regulus was in his room. Regulus sat on his bed. Regulus hugged him.
The triumph within him slowly melts and turns into a flowing stream of agitation, and the confusion he feels only grows when his stomach starts to fill with butterflies.
Saturday - 22nd September, 1973
The third year students join the fourth through sixth year students in the courtyard as McGonagall and Filch start checking off students for the Hogsmeade trip. James is so excited, even though he visits Hogsmeade almost every week when the marauders break into the Honeydukes basement. He's going with Remus and Sirius, Peter was asked by Benji to go, which Sirius had interpreted as Benji asking Peter out on a date. Peter said yes to Benji and later dismissed Sirius' idea that it was a date. He still spent a whole hour choosing his outfit this morning and, eventually, let Sirius pick for him.
Sirius, Remus and James have made a pact to go together. James expects Sirius to break this when Olivia Greene, one of the Ravenclaw girls in their year, asks him if he would like to go to Hogsmeade with just her.
"Sorry but I'm going with my mates today," Sirius answers, completely missing the way Olivia's face drops in disappointment. "You can join us if you want but you'll likely have no say in which shops we visit. Remus has a schedule."
"No, that's okay," Olivia says, turning around and joining her friends who had been eagerly watching the entire exchange from a distance.
"Sirius," James snorts.
"What?"
"You do realise she just asked you out on a date, right?" Remus smirks.
"What? No, she didn't... did she?" Sirius glances back at the group of girls, they are now focused on one of their other friends, who has gone to talk to Kirley Duke. Hopefully, that girl will have more luck.
"Yes, she did," James nods, trying his best to subdue his laughter. "You wouldn't have been able to say yes anyway, not without breaking the pact."
"I wouldn't have said yes," Sirius mumbles. "She's... not my type."
"What do you mean she isn't your type, Sirius?" Remus questions in disbelief. "She's one of the prettiest girls in the year and she's a Ravenclaw, which means she's smart. Apparently, she's brave too, since she marched over here by herself and asked you out."
Sirius just shrugs. "I'm not really into the whole blue eyes thing. I like big, brown, doe eyes."
"Wow, that's..." James starts.
"Specific," Remus finishes with a laugh. "Got anyone in mind, Sirius?"
"Not yet," Sirius says confidently, sauntering away. The crowd of students have begun to move now. As they make their way down to Hogsmeade village, they continue the conversation.
"So, you have a type then," Remus queries, walking faster than the other two boys because his legs are so long and lanky.
"I guess so," Sirius nods.
"What is it?" James urges.
"I already told you-"
"Big, brown doe eyes," James interrupts. "I know that, but what else? You can't just be attracted to someone because of their eyes, and if you are then you're weird."
"Are you going to stand there, Potter, and tell me you've never looked at someone's eyes and thought, I could stay here all day ?"
James buries his hands in his pockets and stares at the ground. "I don't know. Maybe. What I meant, Tonks," he mocks Sirius' use of his last name, "is what else do you find attractive?"
"Who's asking?" Sirius winks and James shoves him lightly with his elbow. "Okay, fine. Er, I guess, freckles are quite cute. Someone who isn't afraid to put me in my place, my mum always said I would need someone like that. Someone smart because there is no way I am getting into a relationship with someone who does not know how to challenge me in a conversation, that would just be so dull."
"I think you just described Dorcas Meadowes," James ponders aloud. "But that would never work because she's friends with Regulus."
"Alas, it isn't meant to be," Sirius sighs theatrically. "What about you two then? What gets your hearts going?"
Remus averts his eyes as soon as Sirius has voiced his question.
"Moony?" Sirius nudges him to get him talking. "Do you have your eyes on someone, Mr Lupin?"
"No," Remus mumbles. Both James and Sirius raise their eyebrows at their friend. "Okay, fine, I do, but you can't go on about it because I don't want to talk about it."
"I promise, I won't," James says.
"Cross my heart, swear to die, stick an apple in my eye - or however the saying goes," Sirius promises.
Remus sighs and whispers something that neither of the other two boys catch.
"What was that, Remus?"
"Marie," he repeats, much louder than he had before. "It's Marie."
"That makes so much sense," James gasps. He had noticed a few lingering looks during his visit to Wales this summer, but hadn't thought much of it. He'd assumed it was just because they were close friends.
"Who?" Sirius speaks up and James has to stop himself from slapping his hand to his forehead. Does Sirius never pay attention to anything any of them say?
"One of Remus' friends from Wales," James answers.
"Oh," Sirius says, looking confused. "The blonde one or the dark-haired one?" James assumes Sirius only knows what they look like because of the polaroid he has above his bed.
"Blonde," Remus replies.
"So, your type is blondes?"
"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it before. I guess so. Although, I do like blue eyes, unlike you Mr I-love-big-brown-doe-eyes."
"Funny, I like blondes too," Sirius grins mischievously.
"You are never coming to my house," Remus groans. "I swear to Godric fucking Gryffindor, if you go anywhere near her, Sirius-"
"Relax," Sirius laughs. "I haven't even met her yet. Also, I will be going to your house and I will, for you, refrain from flirting with any of your friends."
"Good."
"Good."
They continue walking in silence until they reach Zonko's Joke Shop, which is first on Remus' list of places to visit. Remus and James start up a conversation about all of the cool prank things they have here, things that could prove useful in the future. Sirius is suspiciously quiet throughout the entire visit.
It isn't until they have gone to Schrivenshaft's and the second-hand bookshop that resides beside Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop and are on their way to The Three Broomsticks, that Sirius finally speaks again.
"We never heard what your type is, James?" It's spoken as a question, which means James has to answer. He thought he had expertly avoided answering this question by asking Remus about Marie, but he had forgotten that Sirius Tonks has the memory of an elephant.
"I don't really have a type," James replies with a smile, hoping it'll deter Sirius from inquiring any further. He really does not want to talk about this.
"Everyone has a type," Sirius declares like it's a fact of the universe. They reach the door of The Three Broomsticks just as Regulus and his group of friends are leaving. James pulls Sirius out of the way, letting Regulus go first. The boy avoids his eyes, Pandora and Dorcas are the only two of his friends to offer friendly waves.
"What if I don't?" James affirms.
"I won't believe you for a second," Sirius states, moving past James and walking through the doors to the pub. "Come on, just tell us, it's not like you fancy anyone, is it?"
"No," James replies with adamant certainty in his voice. "Fine. Uhm, if we're going by eye colours, I would have to give this one to Remus and say that blue eyes win."
Sirius groans as he pushes himself into a booth. "You guys don't get the vision. Brown eyes are so much better."
"They're boring," Remus retorts.
"You literally have brown eyes, Moony," Sirius smirks.
"I am a very boring individual."
"No, you're not," Sirius yells loudly, attracting attention from a nearby table. He looks offended by the mere idea of Remus being boring. "You're very mysterious. So is James. You've both got brown eyes, case closed."
"Whatever," Remus rolls his eyes.
"We got side-tracked." Sirius turns in his seat to face James, "Your type?"
James tries not to pout as his friends' attention diverts back over to him. "Someone small."
"Someone small?"
"Not Remus then," Sirius comments and Remus kicks him under the table.
"Yes, someone small," James settles on. "So, I can pick them up and stuff. I don't know, it sounds stupid, but you asked. I want to hug them and give them piggyback rides and dance with them in the kitchen." He thinks back to his parents, his mother is a very small woman and his father is quite tall, James ended up being somewhere in the middle. He's always liked the idea of getting to wrap someone up entirely in his arms and making them feel safe there.
"For someone who was claiming not to have a type five minutes ago, that was oddly specific," Remus states.
"I suppose I have thought about it a little bit," James pinches his fingers together, "but not much. It isn't something I have on my mind all of the time."
"You just described Pandora Rosier," Sirius says and then chuckles. "I guess it isn't meant to be for you two either, since she is Black's best friend."
"Pity," James smiles.
James offers to go and grab them all a butterbeer. When he reaches the bar at the front of the pub, he sighs and runs his hands down his face. All of this girl-talk has really taken it out of him. Rosmerta appears in front of him with a cheerful smile, he mirrors it and when it's time to pay, he gives her a big tip. He didn't end up buying anything today, so he has change to spare. She thanks him and says she hopes to see him during the next Hogsmeade weekend. James grins and promises she will, before going off to join his friends.
Sunday - 23rd September, 1973
This isn't a nightmare James has had before, not exactly. Sure, he's dreamt of Harry's funeral. Dreamt about seeing him laying there, casket open, much too still. Harry was never still, he was always jumping about, or running away from school, far too hyper for his own good. The last time James saw him, he was too busy running around the forest, playing a game he thought more important than their mothers' rules to be back before sundown. The last time James saw him, he kept moving further and further away from him, and now he will never move again.
James wakes suddenly, gasping as his eyes spring open. The nightmares have been more frequent since the Wilkins' came to his house, offering to show him the monster that stole his best friend away from him.
Tonight's dream had been unlike the others James has suffered in the past because he was there. Richard Clark. His face pallid and grey just as it had appeared in the photograph. A sadistic grin warping his features, stretching so far it was unnatural. You're next, is what he'd whispered in James' head. It was that horrid face that terrified him enough to wake up.
He inhales shakily before lying back down and rolling over onto his side to try and regain some semblance of comfort. However, after ten minutes of tossing and turning, James groans and sits up. He reaches for his glasses with one hand, whilst rubbing his eyes with the other. The candle is still alight in the middle of the room when he checks.
James sits against his headboard for a few minutes, trying to think of things that make him laugh or fill his chest with warmth. Anything to get the image of that man out of his mind. When nothing seems to work - these nightmares are far worse than the ones he is used to - he opens his top drawer by his bedside and digs out the map. It's his turn to have it. They've decided that they'll each get to have it for a week, starting from one Sunday night until the next. James wonders if watching Filch's puny dot scamper up and down the page will help to calm his thoughts.
It doesn't take him long to locate where Filch is, he's walking up and down the second floor corridor on the east side of the castle. His cat, Mrs Norris, is there with him. She moves faster than her owner, always ready to catch any students that are out of bed, the little bastard.
Something in the corner of his eye catches his attention, just a small movement. It's almost nothing.
James' eyes wander down to the dungeons where - and James' heart jumps into his throat with worry when he notices - Regulus Black has just exited the Slytherin common room and is making his way through the dungeons and up to the first floor. James watches, panicked, as Regulus saunters leisurely through the empty corridors. The empty, dark, lonely corridors.
He doesn't take his eyes off the dot that is Regulus until it stops. It takes him a moment to realise he's stopped because the concern flowing through his bloodstream has blocked his vision, his brain feeling as if someone's just stuffed it with cotton.
It's instinctive when James pulls his covers back and hops out of bed, attempting to be as silent as possible. It feels natural when he claims his invisibility cloak from underneath his bed and chucks it over himself. It feels necessary when he hurries through the common room, not bothering to waste a second on the Pink Lady in the portrait. It feels like his path is already set out for him, like it's been waiting for him to find it, when he begins to run through the hollow corridors.
The fact that he has now relinquished himself to the darkness doesn't cross his mind, nor does the fact that he forgot to put shoes on. His socks slip on the marble floor as he hurries along the seventh-floor corridor, all the way to the North side where the astronomy tower is.
When he reaches the door to the swirled staircase, he stops for long enough to remove his cloak and shove it in the pocket of his pyjama bottoms. With laboured breath, he takes the steps two at a time. Without hesitation, he bursts through the door of the astronomy tower, startling the boy who is sitting at the very edge. This only increases James' worry. He takes a second to catch his breath and then he's striding forward until he is standing right in front of Regulus, who is now staring at him with an expression of irritation.
"Thank Merlin," James gasps, bending over to breathe. He rests his hands on his knees, and as he does so, he glares down at Regulus. "What do you think you're doing wandering about the castle at night all by yourself?"
"Excuse me?" Regulus huffs, affronted. James doesn't know why he seems so offended, it's Regulus who is in the wrong here, not him.
"You could have-" James exhales in frustration. "It's fucking dark out, Regulus, and you're alone at Merlin knows what time in the morning! You shouldn't be here."
"How did you even know I was here?" Regulus stares up at him with, slightly subdued, anger.
"Magic," James snaps, not in the mood for pointless questions. "Go to bed, Regulus."
"Excuse me?" The boy repeats and James wonders if he has been speaking another language this entire time because Regulus has been blatantly disregarding his directions since he arrived. "You go to bed. I was here first, Potter." Regulus turns around so that his back is facing James. He tilts his chin up, admiring something in the sky. When James looks up, he finds the Regulus star quite quickly. He's always been rather good at astronomy, a skill he acquired from his mother.
"Fine," James mumbles and takes a seat on the floor beside Regulus. "Pretend I'm not here then."
"What?"
"You heard me," James smiles smugly. "I'm staying."
Regulus groans. "Why are you everywhere?"
"What?"
"You're in my mother's letters, you're in my favourite club, you're in my lessons, and now you're here too. What, are you obsessed with me or something?"
"I'm scared for you," James doesn't mean to say, but it comes out anyway. Why is it that whenever he is around Regulus, he finds himself losing track of his own thoughts? It's so frustrating.
Regulus finally looks at him again, only this time, instead of anger, he stares in bewilderment. He looks different like this. At night, under the waning moon. His skin glows under the starlight, making him appear angelic, in a way the sun would never be able to manage. His hair is a little ruffled from the autumn wind - because it is officially autumn now - and it's longer than James remembers it being. Now, it reaches almost to his chin. The best part of all, the stars are reflecting in the blue-grey of his eyes. Where they were once an empty galaxy, they have now absorbed hundred of stars.
James shivers as a particularly cool breeze passes them. Regulus doesn't seem to have felt it as he sits still, knee almost knocking into James'.
"What do you mean?" Regulus doesn't stop looking right at his face and it makes James feel suddenly on the spot. "Why are you scared for me?"
"Because it's dark and anything could happen to you out here," he explains.
Regulus' expression morphs from one of bafflement to amusement. His eyes sparkle with it, maybe James imagines that.
"The worst that could happen is I could fall, but that would only be the case if I slipped past this bar here." He taps the metal railing, which is the only boarder between them and the open air. Then, much to James' utter horror, he slides underneath it, standing on the very edge of stone floor that is leftover. His toes hang off over the edge.
James jumps up immediately, still on the safe side of the railing. Regulus turns on the spot to watch him, clearly finding humour in James' fear. His hands are holding the railing, not tight enough for James to find it a comfort. He's barely gripping it.
"Stop that, it isn't funny, Regulus. Come back here," James commands and he doesn't even care if he sounds impertinent at the moment. He rushes to stand. If Regulus falls... No, he isn't going to fall. James refuses to allow that to happen.
"What isn't funny?" Regulus smirks. Somehow, he manages to instil even more terror into James when he removes his hands from the railing completely and goes to take a step to the side. Before he can even move an inch, James' hands are flying out to grab the sides of Regulus' t-shirt, pulling him as close to the iron banister as he can.
"Please, don't," James begs, his voice cracking with fear. "Please."
It is then, when James offers Regulus every drop of vulnerability, every ounce of his fright, that Regulus stops smiling. His eyebrows bend down into something resembling concern, although James might just be going deranged. Slowly, Regulus covers James' hands with his own, never breaking his eye contact; they're so blue right now, and James almost forgets where they are standing as he focuses on them. Regulus removes James' hands from around his torso, treating him with a tenderness that has James' head spinning.
"Shit," James says, pulling away from him abruptly. "I didn't mean to touch you, not without asking first. I'm sorry. Shit."
Regulus lifts himself up and over the railing with remarkable strength and lands gracefully on the floor of the tower.
Safe, James' mind calls.
"It's okay, Potter," Regulus mumbles, now looking anywhere but at James. "Well, it isn't, don't do it again, but- I guess, if I'm on the edge of a very high tower at any point in the future and you happen to be there, then you have my permission."
James only stares at him, still afraid to blink. What if he blinks and Regulus is gone? What if he breathes and Regulus has fallen?
"Potter?" Regulus calls, but his voice sounds distant to James' ears. "James?"
It's the use of his first name that breaks him out of his trance. "What?"
"Are you having a panic attack right now?" Regulus asks, voice void of any emotion.
"I- I don't know," he manages to say in between his stilted breaths. Then, with a tone of exhaustion, he repeats his earlier words. "Go to bed, Regulus."
He is shocked when Regulus actually listens to him and makes his way over to the door. When he reaches out for the doorknob, he hesitates. James observes as Regulus turns around enough to meet his eye and whispers, "I want to pretend." James doesn't understand what he means by it at first and doesn't get the chance to figure it out before Regulus is out of sight. James pulls out the map and watches Regulus until his little dot has reached the dungeons. Then, shivering from the freezing cold air, he leaves the astronomy tower. He chucks his cloak over him for the short walk back to Gryffindor Tower, not running like he had on his way there.
"I want to pretend. I want to pretend," James repeats under his breath like a mantra, trying to depict whatever it is Regulus was trying to tell him.
It is only when he sinks into his mattress and falls quickly into unconsciousness, that he realises what Regulus had meant. What he had admitted.
I want to pretend.
I want to pretend it never happened.
I want to pretend it wasn't me.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
dadi = daddy (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-marie <3 I will never not miss her
-Remus thinks his friends are leaving him out, but they are doing it FOR HIM. Remus, I swear, they're just being animals!
-I made it so the map responds in order of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and then Prongs
-speaking of, THE MAP IS FINALLY DONE! they have been talking about this thing since first year!
-Remus jumpscaring Peter - it gave me a giggle
-the brief Wolfstar tension had be giggling and kicking my feet because omg they're so cute
-James is also smiling, blushing, kicking his feet because he found out it was Regulus who hugged him <3
-Slughorn can see the Jegulus vibes.. he is rooting for them and Regulus is not impressed
-Pandora just saying it as it is: yes, Regulus has mummy issues, did you know? meanwhile James and Lily are just sitting there like: *blink blink*
-James is like: oh, okay, Regulus is mad at me! how about I ask him (the boy who is touch averse) if he hugged me whilst secretly polyjuiced as my best friend. yes, that's a good idea.
This kid..honestly..
-James letting Regulus walk out of The Three Broomsticks first and just full-on grabbing Sirius out of the way. his husband had to go first 🙄
-James' type being someone small. SAME. I am he, he is me.
-I'm sorry, but Sirius was hinting so hard in this chapter. his type is blonde, has freckles, big, brown, doe eyes. Remus? hello? are you deaf? I think you are, sir
-and then finally!! THE ASTRONOMY TOWER! I have had this planned since the beginning and I am so so so excited that we're finally up to this point in the story! we're about to get into a good year, so buckle tf up, everyone! <333Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all have a great rest of your week! Any comments/feedback is always appreciated <3
Chapter 33: Third Year: I Swear It on My Star
Summary:
Scarlett turns fourteen.
Regulus has an epiphany.
Sirius also has an epiphany.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of abuse (a house-elf)
-nyctophobia referenced
-mention of past homophobia (blink-and-you-miss-it kind of thing)
-injury/scar (Remus' werewolf things)
-a character comes out (they get a good reaction to this, but just thought I would put it in the warnings in case it triggers anyone)Let me know if I missed anything! This chapter is the longest so far!! It is over 15k words long. It's a bit late because I had exams, but those are over now. I am also going back to publishing a chapter every weekend! Thank you so much for 12.6k hits!! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Moon dust in your lungs,
Stars in your eyes,
You are a child of the cosmos,
A ruler of the skies.
~ Paul Pierre
Monday - 24th September, 1973
Regulus
I want to pretend.
Regulus has never spoken a combination of less true words in his life. It's strange because he didn't want James to know it had been him, and then he did know, he does know. Regulus has assured him of it. He may not want James to have known, but Regulus doesn't want to pretend it never happened. He doesn't think he could ignore the memory anyway; it relentlessly pokes at his subconscious mind whenever he isn't focusing on something else.
The thing is, he doesn't know why he can't just... let it go. It should be simple. James gave him an out. Shouldn't he take it? He's trying to, he's running after that chance, but it's out of reach. Maybe he should just obliviate himself and James, and save them both the trouble of having this lingering awkward tension simmering in the space between them.
Speaking of James Potter, Regulus still isn't completely sure he knows what happened last night. He's never been disturbed during his nightly visits to the astronomy tower, not once in the last two years. It's almost as if there is some guardian angel watching over him and keeping others far away.
He doesn't know how James found him up there. The boy seemed to have expected he would be there. Perhaps he's seen Regulus there before? Still, his reaction hadn't made any sense. Regulus remembers what he'd said. I'm scared for you. He doesn't know what James meant by those words, but Regulus could tell he meant them.
It had been funny, tricking James into thinking he was going to fall. Regulus wouldn't have, he isn't that stupid. However, it soon grew less funny, and Regulus could tell there was some other reason, a deeper reason for why James had sought him out. It was instinctive for Regulus to reassure the boy in front of him. It had felt natural to cover his hands with Regulus' own and gently pull them away. It felt necessary to hold on for a second longer than he would usually feel comfortable with. It felt like something he had no control over.
It had frightened him to see James look so distressed, he's usually so happy and calm. He used to be quieter than he is now, but he's never presented himself as antsy or afraid before (except for that first time on the train when he'd looked frightened of everything around him). Regulus felt like reaching out in that moment, for Salazar knows what reason, but instead he turned around and left when James, once again, told him to. He thought it would be better to leave than act on his peculiar impulses.
Regulus got barely any sleep last night thanks to the odd encounter with James. He almost forgets that he is supposed to be meeting Scarlett in the common room before breakfast. It's her birthday today and, even if their friendship is relatively new, he doesn't want her to spend it alone. It's already bad enough that it's on a Monday.
She's sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, Dorcas is at her side. Regulus is surprised to see them laughing about something. He so rarely sees Scarlett laugh, she's much like him in that way.
Regulus approaches the girls, Barty and Evan at his side, and clears his throat before saying, "Good morning."
"Morning, Regulus," Dorcas grins.
"Yes, good morning," Scarlett says, less enthusiastically. She narrows her eyes in Regulus' direction and then gives him a once over. He frowns and stares down at his uniform, looking for a crease on his shirt, or maybe he left the zip on his trousers undone. When he finds nothing wrong with his clothes - they are tidy just as they always are - he returns his eyes to Scarlett's. She raises a disapproving eyebrow at him. "Did you stay up all night?"
"I- what?" He blinks. A part of him panics and wonders if she might know about his encounter with Potter on the astronomy tower.
"You look like you haven't slept in years," Scarlett comments dryly. Dorcas snorts beside her and Regulus levels her with a glare, which only makes her laugh harder.
"Excuse me?"
"You know, she's got a point, Regulus," Evan says, bending forward to get a closer look at Regulus' face. He leans away from Evan with a grimace. "Are you sick?"
"No," Regulus replies snappily. "I did sleep, I'll have you know." He shakes his head, irritated by his friends' behaviour. "Well, happy birthday, Scarlett."
Scarlett doesn't thank him, nor does she remove the scowl from her face. Instead, she stands up from the couch at the same time Dorcas does. They link arms and walk away from the three boys in the direction of the portrait. Regulus' eyebrows bend in confusion.
"Damn, what did you do to her?" Barty snickers, leaning his forearm on top of Regulus' shoulder. He shrugs him off, but Barty doesn't seem to mind, immediately going over to Evan to do the same thing. He fails, forgetting Evan is much taller than the two of them are.
"I didn't do anything," Regulus says. "Not anything I'm aware of, at least."
"Maybe it's something you said to her," Barty suggests as they exit the common room, remaining a few foot behind the two girls.
"Maybe." Regulus tuts, gesturing to Dorcas and Scarlett. "Since when are those two best friends?"
"Jealous are you?" Barty smirks.
"No," Regulus snaps. He stomps down the corridor a little faster.
"Maybe she doesn't like birthdays," Evan says. "You said her mother is awful, so maybe she's never had a good birthday."
"Yeah, that could be it," Regulus mumbles, staring at the back of Scarlett's head.
"Well, if that's the case, we will just have to treat her to the best birthday ever," Barty announces, practically skipping by Regulus' side. He is much too hyper for this early in the morning.
"And how are we supposed to do that on a Monday, Bartemius?" Regulus raises an eyebrow at his friend.
"I don't know," Barty shrugs. "You're her boyfriend, shouldn't you have all the answers?"
"Technically, I'm her... fiancé," Regulus tries to hide the grimace that attempts to make a home on his face. "And no, I have no idea what she likes to do other than talk about house-elves' rights."
"Oh!" Evan says suddenly, causing Regulus to jump slightly. "That's what is wrong with her."
Regulus and Barty send each other sidelong glances. Then, Barty clears his throat, "Uh, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, Evan. She's just passionate is all-"
"What? No, that's not what I mean, idiot." Evan rolls his eyes and brings his attention to Regulus. "The Ministry defeated an appeal against house-elf enslavement, so she's probably upset about that."
"When did that happen?" Regulus asks, sending a concerned look Scarlett's way.
"Yesterday evening, there was a late edition of The Daily Prophet because it was a Sunday," Evan replies. They've made it to the Great Hall now, Scarlett and Dorcas are already sitting together, with Pandora, at the Slytherin table.
They take a seat opposite the girls. Pandora greets them all kindly, Dorcas is already filling her plate with toast and fried eggs. Scarlett turns to Barty.
"Morning, Grouch."
"Good morning, Stimp," Barty grins at her. "How is your birthday going so far?"
"It is the same as any other day," Scarlett responds with a brief shrug. She glances at Regulus and then at something over his shoulder. She huffs out a small, dignified laugh. "Aren't you popular?"
Puzzled, Regulus spins around in his seat, eyes searching the Great Hall for what Scarlett could be talking about. Of course. His eyes land on the Gryffindor table where Tonks seems to be scowling in his direction, whilst Potter, mumbling something to his friend, glares at the group of Slytherins too. Regulus finds himself stressing over the possibility of Potter having already told his friends about what happened last night, but he doesn't let this show on his face. Instead, he rolls his eyes as he turns back around to face Scarlett, who is watching him rather closely.
Regulus feels himself shrink under her gaze. It feels like she's watching him through a magnifying glass, searching for every miniscule flaw in his demeanour. He swallows thickly.
"Potter is your partner in Potions, yes?" Scarlett asks, eyes not moving away from him for a second.
"Yes," he answers, unsure of where she could be going with this.
"I thought you were friends."
From beside him, Barty guffaws loudly, making Regulus flinch and Scarlett glowers at the boy. Once he's regathered his composure, Barty says, "Regulus hates that guy."
Something passes through Scarlett's eyes. Regulus wouldn't quite call it surprise, maybe more of a huh moment. She peers over his shoulder once more, probably looking over at the Gryffindor table again, and then she looks at Regulus with a smirk.
"You might want to tell Potter that." Scarlett doesn't elaborate and Regulus doesn't ask her to, knowing she won't answer him anyway. If she were going to specify what she meant, she would have done it already. So, instead, Regulus spends the rest of breakfast pondering over her words, as well as trying to figure out a good idea for what to do for her birthday. He hadn't gotten the chance to purchase anything for her birthday, as he only found out the day before, so he hasn't been able to go to Hogsmeade or have his parents send him anything.
It is only when he is midway through Defence Against the Dark Arts, learning about a house-elf in the 1400s who went mad after being freed and killed their former master, that Regulus formulates a plan.
He recalls how upset Scarlett had been when informing him that her house-elf, Maggie had been her name, was freed and kicked out by her mother. It is one of the few times Scarlett's flawless façade has fallen, and Regulus remembers it like it was yesterday. It would be a perfect birthday surprise if he could somehow find Maggie and get her to visit the castle.
Regulus starts scribbling down ideas on a separate piece of parchment, keeping his Defence work to the side. Professor Shauna has them copying notes about Redcaps from their textbooks today, so Regulus rushes to finish it quickly, leaving himself plenty of spare time to think about how he is actually going to find this random house-elf and then figure out a way to get her into the castle without raising suspicion from any of the professors, especially Dumbledore.
After Defence Against the Dark Arts, he has Potions, which he is not looking forward to at all. James hasn't made any move to talk to him today, even though they were both in the same Defence class this morning. However, Regulus doesn't think James won't take Potions as an opportunity to bring up their midnight meeting.
James is already sitting at their usual table in the corner, seated in the chair closest to the wall. Regulus can be grateful for that, at least. He makes his way over slowly, hands strangling the strap of his bag, trepidation leading every footstep. James doesn't look at him when he sits down, doesn't smile like he usually does, doesn't even say hello. Instead, he sits silently, eyes stuck on the blackboard at the front of the classroom.
Regulus starts to unpack his bag, pulling out his Potions textbook, as well as a quill and an inkwell, and some unblemished parchment. Throughout this process, he sends rapid, secretive look James' way, but not once does the boy look back at him. He makes no sign of noticing Regulus at all.
They sit there, waiting for the lesson to start, drowning in the silence that is so thick with tension. Regulus doesn't feel it when his leg begins to bounce up and down nervously. Perhaps he wouldn't have realised it happening at all, were it not for James' foot knocking gently into his. Regulus stops the movement immediately, realising what he's doing. Isn't it normally the other way around? At least James isn't cruel like Regulus is. He could have kicked him, snapped at him to stop, but he didn't.
When Regulus turns to look at him this time, James is still staring at the front of the classroom, but at the sight of Regulus moving in his peripheral, he turns his head too. James' cheeks redden when their eyes meet and Regulus imagines he is likely embarrassed by the way he was acting last night. James' hands flex around the quill waiting in his hand. Regulus' eyes follow the movement avidly. He remembers last night, when those hands had grabbed onto him, desperate to catch him, desperate not to let him fall. It had been strange, Regulus doesn't usually like touch, you see. But, for some reason that he does not know, James seems to be the exception. He wishes it were someone else, anyone else. But it's not. It's him, and Regulus doesn't know what to do with that.
"Get much sleep?" James asks, eyes on the table, teeth biting into his top lip.
"Some," Regulus lies. It hadn't been a lot, if any at all. He'd felt awake even when he found himself finally falling asleep in the very early hours of this morning. All of his senses were alert, ready, waiting for... something. It was as if his body was preparing for an attack, but the threat never came. "You?"
"None," James mumbles. Regulus doesn't understand why James would answer that honestly. Regulus hadn't after all. He gets the urge to ask why, but decides against it, not wanting to come off as too friendly to someone he wishes he could despise. The closest he has ever come to hating James Potter was last year when he and his stupid Gryffindor posse had set off a ringing inside Regulus' head. He had been ready to murder anyone who so much as breathed in his direction that day, and ended up having to skip the second half of his lessons.
So, instead of asking why, Regulus just sniffs and straightens his poster once more. "Yes, I can tell. You look dreadful."
James scoffs, sounding like a laugh. "Says you."
Regulus huffs, offended, and ignores the idiot beside him for the rest of the lesson, which is fine because James makes no move to say anything else.
At break time, Regulus doesn't go with his friends to the Great Hall. He finds himself climbing the staircases to the second floor and slipping into Myrtle's bathroom. He has come to visit her a couple of times since he said he would and had been surprised to find that she isn't terribly annoying when he gets her off the topic of bullies and death.
"Regulus!" She yells as she comes swooping through a closed cubicle door and stops in front of him.
"Hello, Myrtle," he smiles up at her floating form. "Sorry to bother you, but would you mind if I used your bathroom to summon my house-elf? There is something I must do for a close friend of mine. It's her birthday and I have to do something important."
"Who is this friend?" Myrtle huffs and Regulus almost grimaces at the idea of Myrtle being jealous.
"Scarlett Stark."
"Hmph," Myrtle folds her arms, not impressed by this information. "Fine, but only for you."
"Thank you, Myrtle." He grins at her, which causes her to blush and giggle. He still doesn't understand how a dead person, who doesn't have any blood, can blush.
Regulus calls for Kreacher, who pops into existence a second later. He's got a fresh bruise blooming on the top of his head, right beside his left ear. Regulus feels as anger boils inside of him at the sight of it. His mother is truly a cruel woman.
"Hello, Kreacher. Do you know a house-elf by the name of Maggie who used to work for the Stark family?" Regulus questions Kreacher eagerly. He hopes his mother doesn't find out what he's doing, she would likely crucio him to the brink of insanity. Especially, if this were to ruin the unity between their family and Scarlett's.
"Kreacher might be knowing of her," the house-elf croaks. He squints up at Regulus, suspicion shining in his measly, black eyes. "Why is master Regulus needing a useless house-elf for? Is Kreacher not enough for master Regulus?"
"No, that's not it at all," Regulus is quick to reassure. "I just... I need to find Maggie. Do you know where to find her?"
"Kreacher... might," Kreacher responds, avoiding Regulus' eyes.
Regulus kneels on the damp floor, regretting it slightly, but he tries not to think about it as he lays his hands on Kreacher's scrawny shoulders. The elf finally looks up at his face.
"Find her, Kreacher. Find her and bring her to this bathroom at seven o'clock tonight, alright?" Regulus doesn't exactly feel comfortable ordering Kreacher about, he never has, but he needs this to be done. He also needs to not be caught. "And do not tell mother about any of this, it never happened."
"Yes, master Regulus."
"Thank you, Kreacher," Regulus smiles and squeezes Kreacher's shoulders comfortingly. Kreacher lets out a rattled whimper, not one-hundred percent used to the kindness, and apparates away.
Regulus sighs and gets up off the wet floor. He whips out his wand and mutters a drying spell on his trousers, not wanting to show up to his next lesson with soggy knees. Myrtle glides towards him, a solemn look on her face that squeezes his heart painfully.
"You're going now, aren't you?" She smiles sadly at him, eyes shining behind her round glasses.
"I have to go to lessons," Regulus frowns. "I'm sorry. I'll be back later."
"Yes and then you'll have to leave again."
"I will come early," Regulus promises. "We can have a chat before Maggie and Kreacher get here, and then I will come and visit you again. Soon."
"Okay," she whispers and flies off through a window. Regulus can hear her howling cries as he leaves the bathroom.
Regulus returns to the abandoned girls' bathroom just after six, much to Myrtle's excitement. She releases a chorus of You came, you came, and Regulus hates the relief in her voice. It makes him wonder how terrible her life must have been, how terrible her afterlife is, if him keeping a simple promise has made her this happy.
They talk about Regulus' new third year subjects. Myrtle is fascinated by each of the ones Regulus chose, asking him to speak more about them when he stops. It hits him then that she didn't live long enough to experience her third year - she died at the end of her second. So, Regulus tells her all about them, making sure not to leave anything out. She asks questions here and there, adding her opinions on certain matters. She even manages to help Regulus out with an Arithmancy problem he had been struggling with. Myrtle is smarter than he had given her credit for, though she was in Ravenclaw, so that does make sense.
At the sound of a loud crack, they both turn and find Kreacher beside a very small house-elf. She's wrinkled, but less so than Kreacher is, with great yellow eyes and a long nose. Instead of the stained pillow-case-looking attire Kreacher has, she is wearing what looks like an old, very large sock. She seems to have cut a hole for her head and two more for her arms. On top of her head, there's a round sort of bowler hat, which is lime-green, with a yellow daisy sticking out of the side of it. Her gaze is erratic, her breathing shaky, as she takes in her surroundings.
"Maggie?" Regulus asks, easing forward carefully. He doesn't want to frighten her.
Her eyes snap over to him quickly. She balls up a fist of her sock-dress when he smiles at her, clearly startled by the entire exchange. Regulus assures her she is safe and he does not want to harm her.
"Maggie is not worried about that, sir. Maggie is worried for you," Maggie warns in a voice almost too squeaky to decipher.
"You have nothing to worry about," Regulus says sincerely. "I promise you. Do you know what today is, Maggie?"
"Young miss Scarlett's birthday, of course!" She yells, obviously offended that Regulus might have insinuated she wasn't aware. "Oh, young miss Scarlett!" She crows and then throws herself onto the wet floor and breaks down into violent sobs.
"Scarlett is here," Regulus shouts, not knowing what else to do, how else to stop this. "She is here, and I want to take you to her as a surprise."
Maggie sniffles and stares up at him with glassy eyes. "I is not being able to," Maggie croaks. "I is supposed to not be seeing her ever again."
"That may be true," Regulus says, slowly approaching her once again. He kneels down on this wet floor for the second time today, this time not bothering to waste his time on caring about his soggy knees. "But, Maggie, I know for a fact that Scarlett would like to see you. I also know that there is nothing stopping you. No orders, not master or mistress. Just me, and I will not stop you."
"Maggie is wanting to see young miss," she admits, ashamed. "Is young miss still having her lovely, long hair?"
"Yes," Regulus nods vigorously. "It is very long and very lovely."
"Oh," Maggie smiles, tears brimming in her eyes again. "I is going to see her now?"
"Yes," Regulus nods. "However, you'll have to get Kreacher to apparate you into my dormitory, otherwise a professor might get suspicious."
"I is not getting young miss in trouble?"
"Not at all," Regulus smiles. "You will be making her very happy."
"I will do it," Maggie announces, lifting herself from the floor and snapping her fingers to fix her appearance. Suddenly, the sock doesn't seem so faded and grimy. It is now a vibrant red that matches her green hat nicely. She fixes the flower on her hat and wipes away the tears on her face, and then marches over to Kreacher with a determined gleam in her eyes. It reminds him a bit of Scarlett.
"I'll meet you there. Wait fifteen minutes and then you can come," Regulus says, before rushing to the exit. He says a swift goodbye to Myrtle, who seems to be entertained by the house-elves. Then, he's practically running through the corridor and down the stairs, all the way down to the dungeons.
When he arrives at the portrait, he speedily says the password, and then enters the common room with more dignity than he had whilst sprinting through the school. He finds Scarlett sitting in a corner of the common room, a small lamp lit by her side. She is furiously scribbling something down, eyebrows bent in concentration. She doesn't even notice when Regulus sits down in the seat beside her, not until he is reaching out to stop her moving quill.
"What is it?" She snaps, catching him off guard.
"I have something very, very important to show you-"
"Can't you see I am busy, Regulus?" She gestures to the parchment in front of her, which Regulus now sees is covered in facts about house-elf enslavement, namely the many things that dehumanise the creatures.
"Yes, I see that," Regulus nods. He looks up at her with wide eyes and repeats, "I have something very important to show you."
Scarlett tuts and slams her quill down onto the table. She glares at him and mumbles something under her breath before getting up to pack all of her things away. Regulus helps, somehow this only makes her more mad.
"What is it then?"
"Come on," he grabs her hand and rushes towards the staircase leading up to the boys' dormitories. "It's this way."
"Regulus," she calls from behind him and he ignores her, hurrying up the stairs. They only have a minute or two. "What are you-"
They get to the door to his room and Regulus stops there. "I have something for you, for your birthday," he explains quickly. "Do you remember when you told me about your house-elf Maggie? Well, I didn't have time to get you anything for your birthday, since you only told me about it yesterday, but I did find a way to make up for that."
"Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to make up for anything," she mumbles, seeming a bit flustered. "I didn't expect anything."
"Well, you said we're friends, so I took that personally and- Oh, just look." He opens the door and almost pushes her in. Just as Regulus closes the door behind them, there's a loud crack, like a firework, in the middle of the room.
Evan and Barty aren't here, they are still in the Great Hall with Dorcas and Pandora. So, it's just Scarlett and Regulus - and Maggie and Kreacher.
"I don't-" Scarlett starts and then her eyes land on Maggie. Regulus has never seen Scarlett cry before. He would have imagined her crying silently, in a dignified manner, a way she could hide it from her mother.
That isn't what it's like at all.
Instead, her bottom lips wobbles as she whispers out a pained Maggie, and she falls to the floor. Maggie rushes forward and Scarlett releases a pained noise, holding onto the elf as she wraps her arms around the girl on the floor. Scarlett cries like she hasn't in years, tears falling carelessly out of her eyes, similarly to how sobs rip free from her chest. The sort of cries you can't control.
Regulus isn't sure what to do. This feels too personal to be a part of, but he also doesn't want to leave her alone. He hopes he hasn't overstepped.
When he decides a bit of privacy might be best, he goes to open the door. He turns his back on Maggie and Scarlett and wraps his hand around the doorknob. Just as he is about to open it, he feels someone crash into him from behind. He turns and finds Scarlett there, arms around his shoulders, face hidden out of sight.
They've never hugged properly before, only ever in front of their parents, and it was never like this. Regulus can feel the way her breathing has gone ragged as she squeezes as close to him as she can possibly get.
"Thank you," she whispers. "Thank you, thank you, Regulus."
"You're welcome," he says, awkwardly wrapping his arms around her.
She leans back and Regulus lets go instinctively, but she doesn't. She presses a kiss to his cheek and then moves away from him, leaving him shocked by the door. Regulus watches as she goes back over to Maggie, breathing out a little laugh as Maggie offers her a handkerchief for her face. Without attracting their attention, Regulus backs out of the dormitory and gives them some privacy.
Regulus waits in the common room and is eventually joined by Barty and Evan, who come up from dinner just before eight. He explains what he did and Evan jokes about how sweet he can be, even if he pretends he isn't. He rolls his eyes in response. They remain in the common room for another hour before Scarlett comes wandering down the stairs. Her eyes are a bit puffy, but her cheeks are dry. Regulus guesses she tried to compose herself before leaving.
Catching sight of the three boys on the couch, she makes her way over to them and settles down beside Regulus.
"Thank you, Regulus," she smiles and he can't help but smile back at her. It feels like a pivotal moment, there's trust here now. Proper trust. The sort you only get with friends who you are so very close with that you cannot imagine, even for one second, ever not knowing them. "That was the best birthday present I've ever received."
Regulus blushes under the praise.
"He can be thoughtful when he wants to be," Evan adds from the other side of Regulus.
"It's the only reason we keep him around really," Barty grins. "For his concise moments of courteousness."
"Excuse me, I'm always nice," Regulus retorts with a frown. Evan and Barty share a look before bursting into giggles.
"Idiots," he mumbles, which only makes them laugh harder. He turns to Scarlett. "Well, I hope you had a nice birthday. I'm sorry about the failed appeal."
"It's alright," she smiles sweetly. "And yes, I had a great birthday. Thanks to you, it was the best one I have ever had."
"I'm sure we'll all find a way to top it next year," Regulus promises. "Oh, and whenever you join the ministry, because I have a hunch that's where you'll end up, I am certain whatever appeals you try to certify demanding an end to house-elf slavery will be a success."
"They will be successful, and if anyone tries to argue with me, I will curse their families."
"I would expect nothing less," Regulus laughs.
Regulus is only at the astronomy tower for ten minutes before someone comes bursting through the door again. He doesn't really need to peer over his shoulder to check who it is, but he does anyway. James is bent over near the door, panting as if he just ran all the way here. His eyes are puffy; he looks like someone just woke him up.
He sighs and decides to just ignore the interruption in the shape of a stupid Gryffindor. Bringing his attention back to the sky, Regulus pretends like James isn't there. Maybe, if he thinks it hard enough, he will actually go away.
Regulus has never been that lucky.
James sits down beside him, in the exact same place he had the night before. They sit in silence and Regulus is surprised to find it isn't uncomfortable. He gets the impression James doesn't actually want to be here. He keeps glancing around, staring at the shadows for long intervals, before returning his gaze to the sky. If Regulus had to guess, he would say James is afraid. He'd mentioned something the night before, something about Regulus being alone in the dark, and how anything could happen to him out here.
It's strange. He's never thought about it like that before. In fact, his thought process has been the exact opposite for the last two years. He likes being alone, he likes being out when no one else is, and he has always favoured the stars and the moon over the daylight.
Regulus knows there is nothing to be afraid of inside the shadows. He knows real monsters aren't afraid to show themselves, to exist right in front of you. They live to bring fear out of you, and they can't do that if they are hiding away. So, he isn't afraid of the shadows. He doesn't understand why James is.
It's a long time before either of them decide to move or speak. Not to Regulus' surprise, it is James who breaks the silence first.
"You're named after a star." Regulus can see James watching him out of the corner of his eye, but he ignores this and keeps his gaze locked with the stars.
"Yes, well done, Potter."
"Where is it?" James asks and Regulus frowns at the question. He is in the same Astronomy class as James this year, so he knows how good the boy is at Astronomy. He most definitely knows where the Regulus star is. Still, Regulus can't stop the immediate impulse to point it out.
"Just there," he points towards the sky. James leans into his space a bit, but not close enough to touch. Regulus would push him away if that happened.
"Regulus, the heart of the lion," James murmurs.
"I bet you find that hilarious," Regulus says, shaking his head gently.
"No. Amusing, sure," James muses and Regulus gives into the urge to turn his head and look at the boy. The first thing he realises is that he isn't wearing his glasses. This, for some reason, feels like a very bad thing. Regulus remembers snapping at James to not take his glasses off during Quidditch games. He had been shocked to find that James actually listened to him. Regulus isn't sure why, but he doesn't like the idea of James Potter without his glasses. "Perhaps it means you're fated to claim a lion's heart."
"Doubtful," Regulus mumbles.
"It's written in the stars," James counters.
"Well, I'm not the most lovable person in the world, if you haven't noticed."
"I don't think that's true."
"You don't even know me, Potter," Regulus turns back to the sky. He doesn't like how big James' eyes are without his glasses, something about them frighten him.
"Maybe you don't know you," James says with a shrug, also returning his gaze to the stars. "Sometimes other people know us better than we know ourselves."
"Is that right? And what is it you think you know about me, Potter, that I do not already know about myself?" He looks at the boy again, eyebrows raised.
Slowly, James meets his eyes. Gently, he whispers, "You care. You act like you don't, but you do."
"Care..." Regulus blinks. "Care about what?"
"Everything," James replies, nodding solemnly as if this is a gigantic tragedy. "That is your hamartia."
"I don't get it," Regulus admits.
"Well," James hums, "it's your fatal flaw, but those are always the best part of a person, in my opinion. My fatal flaw is wanting to protect everyone, it might end terribly for me one day, but at least I'm fulfilling that part of me that finds it necessary to do so."
Regulus thinks about that for a minute. There's an odd sort of wisdom behind those words, something he did not expect to come out of James Potter's mouth, of all people. He wonders how he got here, stuck in this conversation. What's more odd is that he finds he doesn't exactly want to end the conversation.
He realises this at the same time he notices James got him to speak when he had already promised himself he wouldn't engage with him at all.
Regulus shoots up to his feet and swiftly makes his way across to the other side of the tower without so much as a goodbye. He doesn't stop at the door tonight, he doesn't stop at all, not until he reaches his bed.
Tonight, he gets more sleep than he's had in a while.
Friday - 5th October, 1973
James hasn't returned to the tower all week, so Regulus is hoping it was just a one-time thing. Or a two-time thing. Whatever. He just hopes it isn't going to happen again.
On Friday afternoon, he makes his way over to the greenhouses and enters greenhouse five, where he is meeting Pandora. She is standing in the far side of the greenhouse, giggling as she feeds an enchanted Venus flytrap peanuts. She says it's good for them to get a lot of protein, so they have enough energy to trap their prey, as their mouth muscles are very weak.
"Aren't they wonderful?" Pandora beams at him and then glances back at the plants before her.
"Yes, they're lovely," Regulus replies honestly. He is a bit frightened of them because they are almost double his height, but he knows they aren't interested in eating humans. That's what Pandora told him anyway.
"Do you remember in first year when I told you what flower would represent this year for you, and I said-"
"There were two flowers, which is rare," Regulus finishes for her. "Yes, I remember. An alstroemeria and a white stargazer lily." He remembers Pandora explaining to him that you only get two flowers if something unplanned by the cosmos happens. She had warned him that it would be important, and that he should not dismiss it. He ponders on this thought, thinking about what it could be.
"You've already started dismissing it, you know," Pandora murmurs. They are words of disappointment but she smiles kindly at him anyway. "I know you promised, but it was unfair of me to ask that of you when I already knew you wouldn't accept it. Just know it truly is important, Regulus. I need you to not dismiss it." Her expression warps into one of distress and Regulus he knew what what she was talking about, wishes he could fix this to stop her face from ever looking like that.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles, staring at the ground. Pandora reaches forward with her hand, not touching, but hovering. He nods almost imperceptibly, but she picks up on it, and then she's cupping his face and tilting his chin up so that he is looking at her again.
"You have nothing to apologise for, Reggie," she whispers. "It's soon," Pandora says, pulling away. "I can feel it."
"Feel what?"
"The electricity," she says breathlessly, closing her eyes. A euphoric expression bleeds across her face. "It's like that nervous feeling you get in your stomach when you're playing hide and seek. It's thrilling and I wish I could share it with you. I think you would enjoy it very much."
"Is it anything like how magic feels?" Regulus asks curiously.
"Sort of," Pandora nods, looking at him again. "Only, less metallic. It feels more like flowers and honey and all things sweet."
"You wouldn't tell me what the flowers symbolise two years ago," Regulus states, meeting Pandora's blue eyes once more. "Can you tell me now?"
"I suppose, it couldn't do any harm," Pandora shrugs. "The alstroemeria symbolises friendship, love and strength, all things important to your year. Do not dwell on what you think it means, I assure you, you'll be wrong."
"And the white stargazer lily?"
"They are a contradictory flower," she explains, throwing another handful of peanuts to the Venus flytraps. "Sometimes they can mean purity, which I could twist to fit how this year will go for you."
"Are you talking about Scarlett and the betrothal?" Regulus asks.
"Yes. However, I think the other message behind them fits better."
"What is the other meaning?" He finds himself leaning further towards her, wanting to know absolutely everything he can.
Pandora chucks one more handful of peanuts to the plants and then turns fully on the spot to look at Regulus. "Boldness. This will be one of your boldest years yet, Reggie."
"You mean... there will be others?" Regulus would describe himself as many things - dutiful son, contrived heir, caring friend - but bold is not a word he thought he would ever use for himself.
"Oh, yes," Pandora grins. "I can't wait for you to see them, they're wonderful."
James returns to the astronomy tower tonight. Regulus isn't surprised, which bewilders him. They sit side by side, just as they did almost two weeks ago. Regulus doesn't understand why it is always so easy to fall into a routine with James.
"Did you get the Halloween Slug Club party invitation too?"
"Yes," Regulus says around a sigh.
"Are you going to go?" James asks. He's hugging his legs close to his chest today. Regulus watches as he rests his chin on his knees. He's wearing his glasses tonight.
"Probably," he shrugs. "Pandora really wants me to go with her, so I don't think I'll have much of a choice."
"I'm surprised you aren't going with your girlfriend," James whispers. Regulus doesn't miss the aversion in his voice.
"She will probably be there too," Regulus responds, eyeing James curiously. He notices the way James scowls, his face twisting horribly. It doesn't suit him; he is supposed to smile. "You don't like her," Regulus muses, smiling at this revelation. For some reason unknown to him, he finds this amusing.
"There's nothing wrong with her particularly, she's... fine." James' jaw clenches and Regulus watches as a muscle twitches just above his jawline. "I don't know what it is, she just bothers me."
"Well, I care about her and she is a great person, so stop being bothered by her," Regulus commands.
They are silent again for almost twenty minutes. Regulus hadn't been aware James was capable of not speaking for so long. Of course, it doesn't last forever. Regulus looks skyward and prays to Merlin that he be saved from this particular form of punishment (for what crime, he does not know) at once.
"Do you have any siblings?"
"No," Regulus replies, sighing again. "Why?"
"Just thinking," James mutters. "You once told me your favourite colour was yellow. Is that still true?"
Regulus avoids James' burning gaze as he speaks so easily about that infinitesimal pocket of time they spent as friends. Years ago, alone in a train compartment, laughing over a ridiculous joke that James made about snuggling up to an Acromantula in his bed. It stings to think about, but he doesn't want it to. It's not as if he lost anything, only a couple hours of his life that he will never get back, wasted on a boy who never wanted to be his friend anyway.
Except, that boy is here now, and he keeps coming back. Regulus can't accept it because he doesn't like it. He wishes James would leave him alone. He wishes James would keep coming back. Regulus no longer trusts his own thoughts. They are far too contradictory, as well as ridiculous and wildly out of Regulus' control.
He doesn't know what to do about his irrepressible thoughts but he does know how to do this. He does know how to answer whatever futile questions James always has ready for him. He does know how to sit here silently with the boy until he decides to speak again. He does know how to admire the stars, knowing someone is doing it with him. He does know how to not be alone, even if he dismisses the idea of his isolation being shrouded by an imbecile with round glasses and terrible hair that resembles the spiky end of a broomstick.
So, he lets himself exist here.
"Yes, I still like the colour yellow." And then, perhaps a bit brazenly, "Is yours still blue?"
James doesn't expect this, for Regulus to have remembered after so long. It's oddly satisfying watching the startled expression form on his face.
"It changes every day," James whispers, "but today it is the same blue as it was."
"Funny," Regulus mutters sardonically. "Any particular reason why you just so happened to like a particular blue the two times I've asked you this question?"
James' face blazes, turning red all the way up to his ears. "No, it's just... nice."
"Okay then." Regulus stands up and goes to leave, but James calls his name and he stops before he even thinks about it. "What is it, Potter? Need me to tuck you in, kiss you goodnight?"
"No, it's not..." James gulps and then visibly pulls away from where he had been slowly inching closer to Regulus. "Good luck tomorrow, little Seeker. You'll do great."
"I already know that, Potter," he says, perhaps a bit cockily, and then turns around to leave again. When he gets to the door, he thinks he hears James wish him good night. He doesn't say it back.
Saturday - 6th October, 1973
Regulus wakes up to yelling.
This isn't unusual as of late. Ever since Barty joined the team as Beater, this is how Regulus is woken up most mornings. Well, any morning where they have Quidditch practice. Today is the first match of the year, they're up against Hufflepuff. Barty has this little thing where his body doesn't function until at least nine o'clock in the morning. Unluckily for him, Greengrass usually has them getting up by half-past five, so they can get to practice by six for three out of seven mornings of the week. Barty has not been enjoying this Quidditch practice plan - and that is Regulus putting it lightly.
"I don't want to!" Barty is whining. From where Regulus is, he can see Barty snatching up his duvet and pulling it over his head to hide from Evan. This does not deter Evan, who will not let Barty's laziness get in the way of them winning the Quidditch cup this year, especially after their loss last year. Evan yanks at the duvet, pulling it clean off the bed, and almost bringing Barty along with it. Then, he leans down into Barty's face and starts repeating the mantra Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up-
Well, you get the point.
"Get - out - of - my - face !" Barty screams, reaching out to hit at Evan's face. Evan doesn't let this stop him either. He fully jumps onto Barty's bed and then sits on the boy's kicking legs and scrambles to get a hold of his wild arms. Barty manages to hit Evan in the side of the head and then falters when he realises what he's just done. This is apparently the advantage Evan needs, as he grabs Barty's unmoving arms and pins them to the bed beside the boy's head.
"If we lose this year because of you, so help me, Bartemius, I will make it my fucking job to wake you up every single morning at sunrise. Don't think I won't because I will. I will and I will make sure you bloody stay awake, too!"
Evan glares down at Barty, chest moving up and down rapidly. Barty is breathing just as quickly, likely because of all the effort he put into fighting Evan off. Regulus feels like he just witnessed a cat fight.
Barty inhales and then swallows. He looks up at Evan and grins, no longer looking tired.
"If you wanted an excuse to get me in this position, you could have just asked, Rosy." He winks, no longer fighting Evan off. Evan huffs and lets Barty go before stepping off the bed and the boy altogether and making his way towards the bathroom. Regulus doesn't miss the blush on his friend's face.
"Sometimes, I miss Amycus," Regulus says. He meets Barty's eyes and they both laugh at the same time. "No, I don't, but you two are relentlessly irritating."
"It's all a part of our charm," Barty smirks, finally crawling out of bed. "You would miss it if we stopped."
"You keep telling yourself that," Regulus counters. Barty throws a pillow at him in response and it hits him square in the face.
Barty is on a role. Unlike other Beaters, he isn't afraid to take risks and pelt Bludgers towards unsuspecting players, and he does it enthusiastically too. Somehow, he manages to do it in a way that serves them no penalties whatsoever. It's a skill Regulus has only seen once before. When he was very little, he used to play Quidditch with Bellatrix and Narcissa. Bellatrix had played just like Barty is playing now. In a way, it gives Regulus more confidence for their team, because it is something he is used to. It's manic in some ways, but it is also incredibly clever.
The game ends with Slytherin winning 230 points to 70 points.
Evan almost cries when the game ends. He knows not to hug Regulus by now, knowing he especially hates to be touched when surrounded by so many people. He feels suffocated and sort of like he's been swallowed and is trapped in someone's throat. So, Evan goes over to Barty instead and lifts him up into the air in a very tight hug. They immediately start talking about the game and how Barty did incredibly well for his first game ever.
Regulus is soon joined by Pandora and Dorcas, who walk along with him, whilst the rest of his team celebrates together.
Sunday - 7th October, 1973
Regulus wanders to Potions club after breakfast. It's the first meeting since last year. He is hoping there will be more people to choose from to work with this year. If he gets stuck with James again, he might just pull his hair out. He already has to work with him in their Potions class, and he's a constant visitor of Regulus' privacy in the astronomy tower now.
He enters the classroom and finds Pandora at the front, which is surprising. He would be relieved to see her, to be able to work with her, if it weren't for the redhead in the seat beside her.
"I didn't know you joined Potions club this year, Pandora," Regulus says as he approaches their table.
"Oh, hello, Reggie," Pandora grins. "Yes, Lily and I decided to join together. I would say you can work with us, but I think James might get lonely."
Regulus wishes he were colder, meaner, then maybe he would be able to glare at Pandora, show some of his inner frustration. But he is a weak, weak boy and he just can't. She smiles innocently up at him.
"Must I? Can't he find literally anyone else to work with?" He sighs.
"You shouldn't dismiss James so much," Evans says from Pandora's side. "He is very lovely once you get to know him."
Oh, believe me, I know how lovely you think he is.
Stroppy, Regulus takes a seat at the empty table beside Pandora's seat. James isn't here yet but Regulus already knows the boy is going to sit next to him. He's just going to have to accept it. Or do what Evans said, do not dismiss him.
Regulus frowns. Is that how she had worded it?
He glances at Pandora, who is talking avidly with Evans. Feeling his stare, she turns and, without him even having to say anything, she nods slowly. Then, she swivels back around and carries on her conversation with the Gryffindor girl.
No.
Just no.
Regulus refuses.
There is no way this thing is about James. Pandora had told him that he's already been dismissing it and that he shouldn't anymore. Is that what her nod was about? Does she know what he's thinking? Well, that's ridiculous. She couldn't know because Regulus always has secured Occlumency walls prepared in his mind.
Regulus isn't supposed to dismiss... James? He isn't sure how he could since the boy is bloody everywhere. Still, what is so different from last year and the year before that? Regulus doesn't think-
Oh.
It's the tower, he thinks.
Regulus goes over Pandora's words from two years ago.
It will happen, I know it. Regulus, it will be the most important thing and you cannot dismiss it even though I know you already will.
The most important thing.
You cannot dismiss it.
He hopes he is wrong, but there is an intrinsic part of himself that knows he isn't. Not about this. So, what, is he supposed to befriend James? Well, he already tried that and look where that got him.
Pandora had said he would experience friendship and strength in a way he won't be able to assume. Then, there had been his boldness, which is still a shock to him. However, she also always says she doesn't tell him things because he shouldn't base his life around what he thinks he knows might happen in the future. He doesn't want to assume, especially because everything he is imagining sounds dreadful. So, instead, he decides to just let the cosmos take control. That's what Pandora does and she seems perfectly satisfied with her life at the moment.
That is what he will do. Let the cosmos take control.
He leans back in his chair and waits for more students to fill the classroom.
"Hello, Regulus," he hears from beside him. Regulus mentally curses the cosmos. Stupid, stupid cosmos.
He turns and stares, dead-panned, at James Potter. With a sigh, he gestures to the seat beside him and watches as James' face lights up like a fucking Christmas tree.
Regulus stares adamantly at the front of the class, watching as students fill the chairs, listening as Slughorn introduces the club to all of the new students. He ignores everything else around him, just focusing on the plan for the next few sessions. It is only when he feels a gentle pressure on the outside of his pinkie that he remembers James is beside him.
He stares down at James' finger, which nudges his own. It's only a small touch, nothing really, but Regulus can't stop looking at it.
"Are you alright, Reg? You seem very... tense," James whispers.
"I'm fine," he grits out. A blind person could see how tense he is.
"Are you sure? You don't look fine." James delicately bumps their pinkies together again and Regulus' eyes track the movement voraciously. He doesn't move his hand away, just... leaves it there.
"Yes," he exhales deeply, closing his eyes for a brief second before opening them again. Turning to look at the boy beside him, who has concern written all over his face, Regulus widens his eyes, sincerity filling them. "I am fine. I swear it on my star."
James smiles brightly and Regulus turns back to the front of the classroom, trying with all of his might to hide a smile of his own.
***
Saturday - 13th October, 1973
Sirius
Sirius has always wondered why his dad's family is the only one that visits them. They came down to Cornwall from London last week. His auntie and uncle brought with them his new cousin Miriam. She was so tiny, Sirius was afraid he would hurt her by accident if he got too close, so he spent the entire week making sure she was safe, making sure absolutely nothing could hurt her. Miriam just sat in everyone's arms, babbling or crying, being fed and then falling asleep. It wasn't until the last day of their visit that Sirius was forced to hold her. He had been frightened, worried he might drop her or hold her too tightly. However, when his mum came over to him, Miriam waiting expectantly in her arms, he looked at the baby and saw her watching him right back. The moment she saw his attention was on her, she smiled and let out a shrieking laugh that had everyone in the room gasping.
It had been her first laugh.
Andy said it was because she liked Sirius a lot, and then she told him that Miriam would love nothing more than to be hugged by her favourite cousin. So, Sirius had opened his arms up and allowed it to happen. At first, it felt strange, having such a tiny life literally in his arms. But he quickly adjusted to the sensation and let himself enjoy it. He didn't drop her, nor did he hold her too tightly. Instead, he held onto her in a way that whispered, I will protect you from the bad in the world.
He had refused to let go until they had to leave that evening. Miriam didn't seem to mind in the slightest.
Sirius had cried when they left. That was yesterday. Now, he's sitting at the breakfast table, his parents opposite him, both intrigued by the crossword puzzle in the Muggle newspaper. It is rare that Sirius ever finds them with a magical newspaper, almost as if they are trying to avoid it. Sirius doesn't know very much about the wizarding world. His only family are muggles, other than his parents, who are both magical. But they never talk about the magical world, not ever. Sirius wonders if that has something to do with the reason why his mum's family never comes to visit.
It is later on in the day when he gets the courage to ask her about it. His dad is down in the shop, charming customers and showing them around. Andy is upstairs in the living room, the radio is buzzing in the background; the song Baby's In Black by the Muggle band The Beatles hums through the room. His mum is ironing some of his clothes, whilst humming along to the tune. Sirius doesn't really know this one very well, it's one of their newer songs.
"Oh, hello, Sirius," she beams down at him. Andy places the iron on the ironing board so that it's standing up. Sirius jumps as it lets out a low hiss and a plume of steam. "Are you hungry?"
"No," he mumbles, moving closer anxiously. He doesn't know why he is nervous to ask, but he feels like it is a forbidden topic. Maybe because his parents have never brought it up before, so he doesn't know if he will get in trouble if he speaks about it.
"Is everything alright?" His mum sits down on the sofa and pats the spot beside her. Sirius makes his way over to her and sits down. He plays with a loose tooth in his mouth, feeling as it wobbles under his tongue. It's the first tooth he will ever lose.
"Mummy, why don't you have a mummy or daddy?" Sirius fiddles with the bottom of his t-shirt, not knowing what else to do with his hands.
"I do have a mummy and daddy, Sirius," his mum responds kindly, gently. It makes Sirius look up at her, a new wave of courage washing over him. She doesn't seem upset by the question, if anything she looks accepting, as if she has already come to terms with the fact that this conversation was going to happen at some point.
"Why do you not see them?" He looks up at her with wide eyes. He can't imagine not seeing his parents every single day. Something pangs in his chest at the very idea of it.
"Because..." Andy begins, swallowing thickly. "Because I fell in love with a boy. A boy they did not like."
"So, what did you do?" Sirius asks, his curiosity grabs at him hungrily.
"I ran," she replies simply.
"Where did you run to?"
"The sea. We ran to the sea together, and you came with us," his mum grins down at him and takes one of his small hands in hers. He squeezes it and watches as her eyes soften just a bit more. "Now, here we are."
"Mummy?" Sirius squirms in his seat, a horrible thought plaguing his mind.
"Yes, Sirius?" She asks patiently.
"I won't run away ever, I promise. But..." He frowns down at his lap, watching as tears spring to his eyes.
"What?" His mum pokes his cheek playfully with her free hand, making him meet her eyes again. He blinks his tears away.
"If I fall in love with a boy you don't like... will you make me leave too?" The fear that overtakes him is immeasurable. He hates the idea of not seeing his parents every day, but the thought of them not wanting to see him... it hurts him more than anything has ever hurt in his whole life.
Andy's face lights up with something that seems to be realisation. Then, she is pulling Sirius into a rib-breaking hug. He holds her back just as tightly.
"Of course not, mon trésor. Fall in love with anyone worthy of it, and I will love them too," she whispers into his ear. He grins against her shoulder.
"I love you, mummy."
"I love you too, Sirius."
Sirius wakes up to the sound of snoring in his ear. He cracks open an eye slightly and spots James beside him. He must have snuck into Sirius' bed at sometime during the night. Sirius doesn't mind this, of course. Even if it means he wakes up all sweaty because James seems to think he is a koala when he is asleep.
If James isn't up yet, it must still be very early. Sirius can hear Frank's distant mumblings, which means he is also still asleep. Sirius lies there for a while, thinking over his dream. He misses his parents, he always does when they get a month or so into the term. However, he has missed his mum especially ever since he discovered she's pregnant. Since the summer, he has been having dreams of old memories from the years when Miriam and Elliot were born. They were so tiny, even in Sirius' small, childlike hands.
He had forgotten about this memory, however. The one where he had asked his mum about her family for the very first time. It was so long ago, almost a decade ago, but now it can't seem to leave his mind.
It's funny because Sirius thinks that moment is an intrinsic part of himself, now that he can remember it. Is that really what I said, he thinks. It isn't some huge revelation at all, nor does it worry him. He thinks he's always known, in the same way Peter always has, that he likes boys. He had just... forgotten. Which is why it is so funny because how could someone forget something so significant to their identity.
If I fall in love with a boy you don't like... will you make me leave too?
His mum hadn't been horrible about it, she didn't even seem disappointed. Sirius wonders how long she has known, if she still knows, if she is waiting for him to realise it himself.
The truth is, it isn't very important to him. Well, it is, in a way. But he isn't going to freak out about it because he has always known. He has always been this way and doesn't feel it's something he needs to accept when he already has.
So, he lies there in his bed, thinking about it properly and he pictures a scenario where he tells his friends. He doesn't think he wants to hide it like Pete does, not that there is anything wrong with that. He knows his friend isn't ashamed of that part of himself, just afraid of how people will react. People can be horrible though, Sirius knows this very well. However, he knows he can handle that.
As dramatic as he can be, he doesn't think he would make a big announcement about it or anything. He might just let himself freely talk about it whenever the situation arises. Like, maybe he will see a very pretty boy and point it out to Peter. Plus, it will be funny to see his friends' reactions to the whole thing, especially since he is pretty certain they don't suspect him at all.
He thinks back to his old neighbour who used to get heckled at on the street just because he was gay. Sirius isn't afraid of that happening because he knows it will, but he does wish the world was a nicer place. Even if just by a little bit.
Once Frank wakes up, he pulls James out of bed and they both get ready for their early Quidditch practice. Sirius only properly gets up once they have left. He gets ready for the day, even though they don't have many plans. Peter is still snoring behind his closed curtains. Remus is in the hospital wing because last night was a full moon. The three of them are going to go visit him once James returns.
Sirius has to drag Peter out of bed, which takes him almost half an hour to do. By the time he has gotten his friend out of bed and ready to go, James returns, already having showered in the changing rooms by the Quidditch pitch. Frank isn't with him, so Sirius assumes he is either at breakfast or went to find Alice.
They make their way down to the hospital wing, stopping by the Great Hall first to grab a couple of pancakes for Remus. Chocolate chip ones, of course. Frank is there, he's sitting with Alice, Azalia and Marlene, and they are all talking about their Ancient Runes homework. Sirius has already done it, he and Remus had finished it yesterday afternoon in the library before he had to go to the hospital wing.
Once they make it to the infirmary, they slip in through the doors and find Madam Pomfrey beside Remus' bed, joined by Lyall Lupin. Sirius frowns. If Remus' father is here, then that means it must have been a bad moon again. He's been having bad moons all year, pretty much. Sirius' worry only increases every time this happens. Pomfrey had apparently mentioned to Remus that this would happen as a result of puberty, but Sirius isn't so sure. He's read about multiple different cases of lycanthropy, and not one of them has stated that they claw themselves to shreds every full moon.
Lyall welcomes them with a kind smile, allowing them into the space surrounding Remus' bed, even when Pomfrey seems to be against this idea.
Sirius' eyes settle on Remus and he feels his stomach fall through the floor.
On the right side of Remus' head, there is a long scar that stretches from his temple and wraps downwards towards his ear. It arcs through his hairline, which has been shaved off in parts. Sirius guesses Pomfrey did this when she healed him.
From this angle, it sort of looks like Remus has a mullet. When he examines the sleeping boy closely enough, he can see that the other side of his head has been shaved in an identical way, even though it lacks any injuries. He assumes this was done so that his hair didn't look ridiculous, with one side shorter than the other. Remus has a mullet, and Sirius' stomach is still on the floor because... Wow. Remus looks so cool.
His hair is still longer at the front, curls sticking up, browner because of the time of year, but still glimmering gold when the light hits it. The back is shorter and curves down to the nape of his neck, where it fades off.
Sirius feels a jolt in his chest, which is promptly followed by a warm feeling in his cheeks. He looks away. Quickly.
Because what.
What is happening?
The morning after he had a dream about inadvertently coming out to his mum, his mind decides to start crushing on Remus. Remus.
Sirius tries to block this train of thought for now, not wanting to be distracted. His friend is injured and he just had a very rough night and Sirius wants to be there for him. He wants to make sure he is okay. He wants to-
Remus' eyes blink open slowly and the first person he looks at is his father, then his eyes move along and he finds Sirius. He frowns at him and Sirius is suddenly worried that Remus has learnt to read minds. But then, Remus shuffles along in his bed, groaning a bit as he does and completely ignoring Madam Pomfrey's protests for him to stay still, and pats the empty space beside him.
Oh, right.
Sirius usually sits beside Remus in his bed until he wakes up, or jumps in if he already is. It's sort of their routine. Still, Sirius feels his heart skip in his chest as he moves forward and tucks himself up into the bed next to Remus, who just stares at him with a look of befuddlement.
"My ears feel cold," Remus mumbles to no one in particular. "Please, don't tell me I'm bald."
Sirius laughs at this and Madam Pomfrey tuts, scolding him for being too loud.
"Remus, dear, you caught your head a bit last night-"
"A bit," Sirius scoffs.
Pomfrey glares at him. "Alright, quite a bit. I've had to take off some of your hair, but I made it match on the other side because I didn't think you would want to go around with uneven hair and we can't use a hair growth potion on the wounded side until I am sure it is fully healed."
"Oh," Remus says. Then, he turns to Sirius, who shuffles away slightly because they are way too close. "Does it look alright?"
"Uhm," Sirius avoids his eyes, looking everywhere but at Remus' face. He quickly glances at the boy's hair and feels as his organs start to melt. "Yeah, it's... fine. Good. It looks great." He mentally scolds himself for all the stuttering, he can feel his cheeks burning again.
Remus gives him a bemused look. James starts to speak and Sirius has never been more grateful for his friend.
"You have a mullet," James grins. "It looks wicked."
"He is right," Lyall speaks up and Remus turns to look at his father. "It suits you very well, Remus."
"Can I see it?" He asks and Pomfrey hands him a mirror.
Remus takes a look at himself and starts to turn his head this way and that, checking out the sides, looking at the scar. He sighs when he sees it and Sirius wants to tell him that it looks cool and he shouldn't hate it, but he knows it won't change the way Remus sees, and will always see, his scars.
"I like the haircut," he admits sheepishly, handing the mirror back to Madam Pomfrey. "But how am I supposed to explain another scar to everyone? I can't exactly say I got attacked by something in the forest again, can I? People will start to think I'm stupid for going anywhere near that forest again."
"We could always say you got into a fight," Peter suggests, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Then, you would be even cooler."
"With who, Pete?" Remus chuckles.
"Sirius," James suggests and Sirius whips his head around to stare at his friend.
"What? Why me?"
"Because you're the smartest here and would probably know a spell that could do that," James explains, pointing at Remus' head. "Plus, I'm a pacifist and Peter is too small."
"Hey!" Peter calls, swatting James' arm with the back of his hand. James does it back and they end up tussling at the end of the bed. Sirius just rolls his eyes and turns back to Remus.
"Does that mean I won?" Sirius smirks, staring at the scar.
"No," Remus smirks back, "it just means you play rough."
"That I do, Moony, that I do."
"So, why were we fighting?" Remus asks.
"Maybe I said I'm smarter than you and it bruised your ego," Sirius suggests primly.
"What ego? I don't have one," Remus says and Sirius cackles in response.
"Yeah, right. So, that's what we'll say. I feel like your fan club is going to hate me after this, so I'll need bodyguards to protect me at all times. Perhaps, I'll recruit those two idiots over there," he jerks his head in the direction of Pete and James, who are still playfighting.
"I don't have a fan club," Remus snorts.
"Yes, you do. I can already see Mary coming for me for playing too rough with you," Sirius chuckles. "You are a very adored man, Remus Lupin."
"Well, I don't care about what anyone in this made-up fan club thinks," Remus states.
"Really, and why is that?"
"Because the people that matter the most know the truth," he nudges Sirius gently with his elbow and Sirius smiles, internally wishing the butterflies in his stomach would stop flying about.
Sunday - 14th October, 1973
On Sunday morning, Sirius is lazily browsing the map, which is something he does when he is bored. It calms him, watching the moving names bobbing about the castle. He notices Marlene is down by the lake and decides to go and join her. They haven't met up for a couple of weeks and he misses her. Remus is in the library with Azalia and Mary, Pete is out with Benji, and James and Lily are at Potions club.
He shoves on a pair of shoes as well as a scarf. The weather has quickly grown cooler ever since October hit. It's been raining for the past week, so he hopes Marlene has brought a blanket or something for them to sit on. Sirius would rather not sit on the damp grass.
It isn't long before he finds himself out on the grounds, making his way towards the lake. Marlene's bright blonde hair comes into view and he grins. Her hair is much shorter now and it looks great. He could tell how happy she was when she first got it done. Now, she wears it back in two tiny braids that barely reach her shoulders. The wind continuously blows her fringe into her eyes as Sirius approaches her. She smiles up at him and pats the blanket (yes, she did bring one) she is sitting on, silently inviting him to join her.
"Marlene," he says contemplatively.
"Yes, Sirius?" She turns to look at him, eyes warm. He remembers the first time they sat out here together, a pile of hair at their legs, black and blonde mixing in the grass like some peculiar yin yang. He didn't bring Ayers today, it's too cold, but he had been here that first day.
"You know how we tell each other things that no one else knows and we sort of have a silent agreement to keep it to ourselves?"
"Yes," Marlene replies sceptically. She narrows her eyes at him, suspicion etched across her face. "Are you alright? Your face is purple."
"I like someone," he blurts out, not able to look Marlene in the eye. He stares at the grass instead and starts fiddling with the droplets on each blade, watching as they run down into the soil. It calms him somehow.
"Okay," she says.
"They're a boy," Sirius admits and it feels good to tell someone. He isn't afraid Marlene will look at him any differently, he wouldn't even mind much if she did. Obviously he doesn't want her to think he is disgusting or anything because he admires her too much for that not to hurt him. It feels right that Marlene is the first person to know about this part of Sirius. He can't think of anyone else he would rather come out to first.
"Okay," she nods. Sirius is admittedly a bit relieved at the lack of hostility in her voice. In fact, there's not much of anything. She doesn't give away what she thinks. She just sort of... speaks. It's almost like they are discussing the weather.
"Marlene?"
"Yes, Sirius."
He turns to look at her, a small smile forming on his face. "Thank you."
She smiles back and then gazes out at the lake.
"So," she smirks, "is it anyone I know?"
"They're... It's a new revelation," Sirius chuckles. "I kind of only realised yesterday. I had this dream..." He tells her about the dream he had, how he came out to his mum before he even realised what that meant. He tells her how he isn't scared about it because it feels normal. He doesn't tell her that he likes Remus, he isn't sure he wants anyone to know about that. It's too embarrassing. Remus is his friend. Remus has a crush on a girl. A muggle girl. Not Sirius. Remus doesn't even like boys. So, instead of telling her who he likes, he tells Marlene why he likes them. It's strangely nice, being able to share his secret, even if he has only really kept it to himself for a day. He is so used to sharing everything about himself with everyone around him. Sirius is many things, but ashamed is not one of them.
"What else do you like about him then?"
"I like how mature he is," Sirius explains. "I know that's probably an odd reason to like someone, but my mum always said I would need to be with someone who can rein me in every now and again, especially when I become a bit too reckless. He's also one of the kindest people in the world. Like he is authentically kind, not just polite. I feel stupid for liking him though."
"You aren't stupid for having a crush, Sirius," Marlene tuts and he raises an eyebrow at her. "You can't help who you like, whether they are someone you already know or someone you don't, someone you love or hate. It's not something you have any power over. You know, Gideon and Edwin used to squabble all the time when we were kids. Don't get me wrong, we were all friends, but those two seemed to have the most animosity between them. It carried on into Hogwarts and only stopped when Edwin came out. Apparently, some twat picked on him about it and Gideon was there and he got rid of them. I think that's when Edwin realised how much he truly liked Gideon. It wasn't too long after that happened that they got together. It's silly because they never saw it coming, even though they knew each other for years, and then suddenly... everything was different."
"Everything was different," Sirius echoes. Well, Marlene got that right. Everything feels different now. Sirius can't be in the same room with Remus without thinking about how fast his heart is beating. He remembers how Remus once told him he could hear heart beats and he is curious if Remus notices how it changes in speed whenever they get too close. Sirius thinks he should probably be embarrassed by that idea, but he finds it sort of thrilling. His heart beats that way because of Remus, so it is only right that Remus is the only person who can hear it.
"I assume you're friends with the person you like," Marlene says. "You don't have to answer, but even if you do, I probably won't know who it is. You are far too popular for your own good."
Sirius snorts. "That's true." He sighs. "Yes... they are a friend. I also know for a fact that they like a girl, which makes the whole fancying them thing one hundred times worse. The thing is, I think I've liked them all along and I just didn't realise. I've never liked anyone before, not like this."
"So, are you gay or do you like girls too?" Marlene asks without hesitation. Sirius finds an odd sort of comfort in the simple way she talks about it.
"I don't like girls, not in that way," he mumbles, playing with the grass again. "No offence."
"None taken, Tonks," Marlene chuckles. "Does anyone else know?"
"About my crush? Definitely not. About my sexuality? Just you." There's a beat of silence, where all they can hear are the gentle waves of the lake overlapping. "I don't want to tell everyone, I just want them all to know. I don't know if that makes any sense."
"It does," Marlene promises and when he settles his eyes on her, he finds she is already watching him. "Straight people don't announce that they are straight, do they? They just have crushes and date people, so why should it be any different for you?"
"You know, you are very wise, McKinnon," Sirius smirks. "Thank you for listening."
"Thank you for telling me, even though you didn't have to. You could have just randomly mentioned that you have a boyfriend one day in the future and I wouldn't have thought twice about it. I don't like to assume with people because people are very unpredictable."
"I know I didn't have to tell you," he smiles softly at her, "but I wanted to."
She smiles back and they both sit there until the clouds start to push together and the rain finally begins to fall again.
Tuesday - 16th October, 1973
Sirius isn't looking forward to Potions. Last year, he had been paired with Pete, so it was one of the lessons he enjoyed attending. Now, however, he has to work with Violetta Warwick. Sirius doesn't know very much about her. He knows she is friends with Shania Murton, she is in Slytherin, she is the worst gossip in their year (which is saying something because Peter and Mary gossip all of the time), and she clearly has a crush on Remus.
Sirius doesn't like her.
Violetta doesn't seem to have picked up on Sirius' obvious dislike for her. Instead, when he sits down in Potions, grudgingly might he add, she turns in her chair to face him and starts rambling about how some girl called Rita in the year above told her that Callum Greengrass was almost disowned over the summer. Sirius blatantly ignores her, not caring to hear rubbish about other peoples' private lives, but this does not deter her. She continues to garble on about some scandal with the Nott family that Sirius also ignores.
Slughorn has them preparing a hair-cleaning solution. He is sure James would be enjoying this lesson, were they put in the same class. Unfortunately, they were all separated this year. Pete and Frank are in the same class as Sirius, but they are both on the opposite side of the classroom.
Violetta doesn't stop talking whilst they brew their potion, Sirius tunes her out the entire time. It is only when they get to the end of the lesson and he notices that they are one of the few pairs who actually accomplished anything that Sirius realises Violetta is suspiciously good at Potions. He doesn't know how she manages with all of the nattering she does.
Sirius doesn't usually mind people who can talk for hours on end, he actually prefers it most of the time. He talks a lot too. However, he hates it when Violetta does it because he just doesn't like her.
"So, I heard you and Lupin got into a fight," she says and Sirius only replies because he needs to make the story realistic, so that no one questions what really happened to Remus.
"Yeah, we did. What about it?"
"Did you really have to go for his face? He has such a nice face," Violetta tuts.
Sirius has to push down the growl that starts crawling up the back of his throat. He rolls his eyes, unable to stop that. "I didn't go for his face, I went for his head. Besides, it was an accident, I didn't really mean to hurt him. I would never hurt him on purpose."
"Mhm, then why did you?"
He glares at the girl. "You don't know anything, Warwick, so stop blathering on about shit you don't know."
She pulls a face and sings, "Okay then," and then mumbles under her breath, "Someone's in a mood."
"I wonder why," Sirius mutters back.
She turns to him, grumpy-faced, mouth open as if she is about to release a tirade of insults onto him. However, just before she does, she closes her mouth, picks up her bag and stomps out of the classroom.
Good riddance, Sirius thinks.
It is only then that he realises the classroom is half empty. Peter and Benji are waiting by the door for him, they all have History of Magic together next. Eager to leave, Sirius jumps up from his seat, tosses his bag over his shoulder, and hurries for the exit.
When they arrive at the History of Magic classroom, Sirius smiles at the sight of Remus, who is sitting at his usual desk with Lily. Sirius sits at the table beside them, where James is sitting, whilst Peter and Benji sit on their other side.
"Hey, Sirius. How was Potions? Still working with Warwick?" Remus asks as he unpacks his stationary onto the table.
Sirius feels as his heart begins to beat faster and he wills it to slow down. Thankfully, he doesn't blush, but honestly. Why is his heart going on a rampage in his chest from Remus simply talking to him?
He smiles dryly and says, "Unfortunately. She asked me about our fight."
Remus smirks. "What did you say?"
"I said I didn't do it on purpose because I would never hurt you on purpose," he answers honestly. Professor Binns has just floated through the blackboard at the front of the classroom and tells them to turn to page 364 in their textbooks. Sirius already read the entire thing during the summer. He had been bored on the days when his friends weren't visiting, and when his family had left already. So, he decided to catch up on some reading. It gives him an advantage because now he doesn't have to bother paying attention in these boring lectures and can instead catch up on some sleep.
Throughout the lesson, Sirius keeps sneaking quick peeks at Remus, who doesn't seem to notice, too enraptured by whatever it is Professor Binns is droning on about. It's odd because he has seen Remus before, many times, but he looks... different now. Somehow. He looks other. Sirius can't make any sense of it, he just knows it is the truth.
There's a moment when he goes to look at Remus, after having spent the last ten minutes or so staring blankly down at a picture in his textbook of a mountain troll hitting a goblin with his club, and finds Remus already looking his way. He quickly averts his gaze and feels as his cheeks flush. He doesn't dare look back, not wanting to know if Remus caught that humiliating display. He can hear Remus scribbling down notes, so Sirius guesses he is no longer paying attention to him.
However, a couple of minutes later, a note soars his way from where Remus is sitting. He turns to his friend but finds him making notes with Lily. So, Sirius picks up the note and unfolds it, careful to keep it out of James' view. He isn't one-hundred percent sure where it came from, so he doesn't want anyone to see it if it's personal.
When Remus' handwriting comes into view, Sirius feels his stomach topple over inside of him.
Why are you acting so weird?
That's it. That is all it says.
Sirius turns it over to see if there is anything else, but there isn't.
Okay then.
He writes something back, just a quick: I'm not. What do you mean? And then, he sends it back Remus' way. He watches out of the side of his eye as Remus picks up the note and reads over it, before writing down another message and shooting it Sirius' way.
You're acting jumpy, Sirius. And I can hear your heart beating.
You sound like you're about to have a heart attack.
Sirius, ironically, feels his heart fucking jump at this information. He glances Remus' way and the boy just looks at him and raises an eyebrow at him as if to say, See?
"What are you two talking about?" James whispers suddenly, hovering over Sirius' shoulder. Sirius almost shrieks, but manages to bury it down because they are currently in a very silent classroom.
"Nothing," Sirius lies. "Just uh, how boring this is."
"I don't know," James says, "I think the part about Godric's sword being goblin made is interesting."
Sirius snorts. "That's because that bit is cool, but the rest of it is so dull."
"Yeah, that's true," James replies before lying face-down on the desk. Sirius pats him gently on the back and jokingly wishes him sweet dreams. He writes out a quick reply to Remus: Stop listening to my heart and focus on your work, mister Moony.
Remus smiles down at the note when he receives it and Sirius grins to himself, loving how he has the power to make Remus smile that way, even if it doesn't mean what he wishes it could.
Thursday - 18th October, 1973
They haven't pulled any pranks in ages and Sirius is just itching to. A few nights ago, there had been a lightning storm during dinner and people were worrying about the barriers on the sky being broken by the torrential weather. That is when James had come up with the simple, yet brilliant, idea of actually removing the barrier. They had brainstormed (pun intended) about how they were supposed to achieve this, researching in the library for hours. It was Peter who came up with the idea of spicing it up a bit, which had taken even more time to research.
Then, they had to wait for the storms to end and for there to just be a torrent of rain - they don't want to put anyone in danger of getting struck by lightning.
They decide on Thursday, since it is supposed to be the first day of the week where there won't be any lightning or thunderstorms, but it is supposed to rain loads. So, by the time Thursday evening rolls around, the marauders are set and ready. James and Peter are going to perform the spell on the ceiling to remove the barrier; it's easier with two people. Sirius is in charge of making sure the rain tumbles down heavier on the Slytherin quarter of the room, and Remus will introduce the little twist to the prank.
Dumbledore gives them a speech about unity in the face of darkness. It leaves a melancholic taste in the air, for a reason Sirius does not know. Then, he waves his hands and food appears on each table, glistening and ready to be eaten.
They've decided to wait until halfway through the allotted mealtime, so that they don't have to miss dinner. Sirius is the one to signal to the other boys that they should start now. So, slowly, he pulls his wand out inconspicuously, as do the other three boys. James and Peter immediately get to working on removing the barrier, whilst Remus starts mumbling incantations under his breath. Sirius lazily flips his wand at the sky just above the Slytherin table, multiplying the rain.
The first drop falls and no one notices.
Then, the second and the third. Suddenly, all over the hall, people are gasping at the sight of rain hammering down onto them. Some people laugh, whilst others groan, irritated. Sirius turns his eyes to James and Remus, who are sitting opposite him at the table. James has a scarlet spec of rain on the lens of his glasses; where his shirt was white before, it is now covered in red and gold rain splotches.
Sirius' gaze turns to Remus, who is grinning up at the sky. A drop of rain falls on his nose, making his face scrunch up, but he still smiles. He looks down and his eyes meet Sirius' instantly. They grin at each other and Sirius forgets about the rest of the world. How lucky is he to have Remus Lupin look at him like that, like he means something.
There's a sudden shriek from the Slytherin table, so Sirius stands to get a better look, unable to see over Remus' shoulder because he is so bloody tall. He discovers the shriek came from Alecto Carrow, whose uniform is now covered in red and gold. Sirius cackles and it goes unheard over the rest of the noise, some angry, some amused, as his eyes wander over the Slytherin table and he finds what he wants.
First, there's Snape, whose hair sticks to his face. A large drop of water hangs from his nose. He sneezes and the drop of water falls onto his robes, dying them Gryffindor colours. Then, Sirius spots Black and his group of friends, and his smile grows even bigger.
Dorcas doesn't seem to mind it, nor does Pandora. Both girls are staring bemusedly up at the ceiling. Evan only looks mildly irritated, whilst Barty glances around the Great Hall with a puzzled look, as if he is searching for an answer to how this could be possible.
Scarlett Stark looks absolutely furious. Sirius can see why. Her usually neat and tidy hair has grown frizzy and half of it is drenched - it isn't a very good mix.
Black takes in everything happening around him, a calculating look on his face. It doesn't take long for his eyes to settle on the Gryffindor table. He narrows his eyes in the direction of the four boys. Then, he looks at James and raises an eyebrow. James just winks and bursts into laughter, clearly enjoying himself. When Regulus looks at Sirius, he glares sharply at him. Sirius just wiggles his fingers in a little wave and sits back down in his seat.
It isn't long before Dumbledore puts a stop to it, though he does seem amused himself. His beard is no longer white, but now dons the Gryffindor colours.
Even after the rain has stopped, the sea of red and gold remains. Sirius can't help but grin. He has never been more proud of being a Gryffindor.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
mon trésor = my treasure (French)MENTIONS:
-Grouch and Stimp <3 I can't wait to explore their friendship!
-Scarlett has the best gaydar around, just so you know. she sees all and knows all. She is God.
-Regulus being touch averse to everyone but James :(
-Myrtle!! I've missed her <3
-MAGGIE! okay, that scene was quite short but it KILLED ME. Scarlett HUGGED Regulus :(
-hamartia means fatal flaw
-I love the astronomy tower meet-ups, okay. I know they are a bit overdone, but I swear it's important to the plot
-Pandora <33 We finally know what the flowers mean!!
-LITTLE SEEKER
-Rosekiller :) They're so silly and gay
-Regulus' little epiphany of: oh James keeps showing up for a reason? I do not accept this answer HAHAHA
-Then there's Sirius who is just here like: oh, yeah, I'm gay. forgot for a minute there. *shrugs* oh well :D
-Sirius has a cruuuuuush <3
-James "I'm a pacifist" Potter
-Gideon and Edwin's backstory <3 they're so cute
-Marlene and her gay wisdom, I love her <3
-Sirius: ugh, I hate Violetta. I don't know why. She likes Remus. I hate her so much. ugh. SIR, USE YOUR BRAIN, I KNOW YOU HAVE ONE
-wolfstar are so cute :(
-not Remus saying Sirius sounds like he's having a heart attack 😭
-I haven't written any pranks in ages, so I just had to add that little bit at the end!
-Okay, so Sirius is one of those people who honestly doesn't care that they are gay. he has no gay panic, he just is gay and he knows it. Also, his immediate acceptance of "oh, I fancy Remus" is so funny to me because Sirius usually takes FOREVER in fics to realise he likes boys, and then it takes him EVEN LONGER to realise he likes Remus. I think that's usually due to Walburga's influence, so I wanted to change that because he was raised by Ted and Andy, the coolest people on the planet and I think that they would have raised him to be whoever he is, if that makes any sense.I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to leave any comments/ideas/feedback, I love reading them! See you next week! <3
Also, thank you to the people who wished me good luck on my exams - you're the best!! xx
Chapter 34: Third Year: Something That Makes the Rest of the World Fade Away
Summary:
Remus and Lily discuss Regulus Black.
Remus comforts someone.
Slughorn's Halloween party.
Sirius turns fourteen.
SOMETHING HAPPENS, GUYS!!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention of someone's parent having cancer (brief)
-mention how someone's parent is going to die
-brief mention of a child's death (blink-and-you-miss-it)
-underage drinking (nothing bad happens, so don't worry!)
-briefest mention of PAST internalised homophobia (barely there)If I have missed anything, let me know x
The POV word counts are very uneven this chapter. James just had a lot to say apparently. I hope you enjoy this chapter! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Even though you don't see something in
the palm of your hands, doesn't mean it's
not at your fingertips.
~ Kelly Peacock
Saturday - 20th October, 1973
Remus
Lily asks Remus if he would like to go to Hogsmeade with her today. He knows Sirius and James have plans to raid Zonko's and he isn't really feeling up to that; he would much rather spend his day browsing for books and then settling down in The Three Broomsticks, which is why he says yes to spending the day with Lily rather than his moronic friends. Peter is going with Benji again and, at this point, they are all classifying it as a date. Their second one of the year.
They are all sitting at breakfast together, Benji has migrated over to the Gryffindor table for the morning, and has brought along Xeno and Astro. Remus knows Xeno thanks to Sirius, and he only knows Astro because he is Xeno's best friend and because he is Remus' partner in Potions this year.
Owls swoops through the hall about halfway through breakfast, bringing with them people's parcels and letters. Remus grins when his father's owl comes flying towards him, a letter in it's beak. He feeds it a part of his pancake after untying the letter from it's knobbly leg, and then it soars off and away again. When he looks down at the envelope in his hands, he recognises Marie's handwriting and a giddy smile grows on his face. He tucks it into his pocket, planning to read it after the Hogsmeade trip, so that he can write a response right after he's read it.
He brings his pumpkin juice to his mouth, trying to hide his smile from view. Only Lily, James and Sirius know about his little crush on Marie, and he doesn't want anyone else questioning why he's suddenly grinning from ear to ear. His eyes connect with Sirius' over the rim of his goblet and he is surprised to find Sirius frowning at him. Remus puts his cup down and raises an eyebrow, but Sirius just looks away and starts up a conversation with Peter and Benji.
Sirius has been acting very strangely ever since the morning after the full moon when he, James and Peter came to visit Remus in the infirmary. It had started when Sirius hesitated after Remus invited him to sit beside him in his hospital bed. It's something they have been doing since first year. Remus remembers being uncomfortable with it at first, especially before he properly knew Sirius. It also just felt... wrong allowing Sirius to be so close to him so soon after the wolf had visited. Other than Poppy and Lyall, Remus hadn't ever allowed anyone to touch him so soon after a full moon. However, Sirius Tonks is a force to be reckoned with, and if he wants to do something, he will.
The next thing that had been odd was the way Sirius' heart was racing. It was worrying to hear, to be quite honest. Remus has only heard Sirius' heart beat that fast when he's flying. Remus' only possible explanation for it is that Sirius must have been distressed about his injuries. What else could it have been?
Speaking of his injuries. Remus had been unsure about the new haircut at first. He is so used to having thick, heavy hair all over his head. He hasn't had it shorter than two inches since he was a toddler. It had felt odd to run his fingers over the stubble now at the sides of his head, drawing down to create a mullet.
A mullet.
Remus doesn't think he is cool enough to pull one off. When he thinks of mullets, he pictures David Bowie in his mind. Someone amazing and colourful and insane. Not Remus Lupin. However, it had actually ended up being Sirius who convinced him to keep it like this, at least until it grows out naturally. He had told Remus only a couple of days ago that he has never looked so cool, and Remus had liked it. He's never thought of himself as cool, not once. It isn't anything he's ever necessarily strived for, but he liked hearing Sirius (who is probably the coolest person he has ever met) say it to him. So, he's decided to keep the mullet. For now, at least.
Over the last week, whenever Remus and Sirius find themselves alone in a room, Sirius has always found some excuse to flee. Remus isn't sure if it has anything to do with what he caught Sirius, Lily, James and Peter doing a couple of weeks ago. They had definitely been hiding something from him. It hurts a bit because Remus trusts these people as much as he trusts Marie, Cara and Felix. It hurts because he misses Sirius. They have always had a relatively easy friendship, never struggled to engage in conversation with each other, never failed to cheer each other up if the other is feeling down. It hurts because it feels like Sirius is avoiding him on purpose.
On the days where it is worse, Remus will pull out the necklace Sirius gave him, the one with the little, black ball on the end (they have still not discovered where or who it came from). He will stare at it and wonder why Sirius ever trusted him with it. Why not Peter or James? Or even Xeno? Why Remus? He clearly doesn't want to be around him as much as he does their other friends.
Still, he keeps it safely around his neck. After all, Sirius had entrusted him with it and Remus made a promise to look after it. He keeps it safe just as he does the moonstone Sirius had given him years ago. He used to keep it in his pocket at all times, however, he almost lost it last year when he had a seizure in class and it fell out of his pocket. If it hadn't been for Mary and her sharp eye, he would have never seen it again. So, now he keeps it in the top drawer beside his bed.
Sirius is acting weird again. He looks upset and his heart is racing again and Remus wishes he could help him, but he doesn't know what's wrong. Sirius usually doesn't hold back when telling his friends all about his thoughts and feelings, and no one else seems to have noticed that anything is wrong. Remus wonders if Sirius has been like this for a long time, suffering in silence, and Remus just hadn't realised until now. It strikes him now, that thought. Guilt drips down his spine. Has he really been so caught up with figuring out what he feels for Marie that he's completely neglected to see that his friend is struggling with something?
Sirius sounds like he is on the verge of a heart attack, and Remus ponders briefly on the thought that Sirius might be sick. Remus examines his friend for a moment. He doesn't look sick. In fact, he's laughing right now with Xeno and Astro. He looks happy. Real happy, not just the fake mask he keeps putting on for Remus.
Feeling someone's eyes on him, Sirius turns and his eyes lock with Remus. Something flashes in them. Something Remus can't decipher. So, instead, he asks if he's alright.
"Yeah," Sirius frowns, clearly confused. "I'm fine. Are you alright, Remus?"
"Yes," Remus replies, eyeing Sirius sceptically. "But I don't believe you."
"What? I'm not lying," Sirius huffs, offended. His heart rate soars and Remus hears it.
Out of the corner of his eye, Remus can see Xeno watching the two of them like someone would a game of tennis. There's amusement in his expression, which confuses Remus even more. Remus turns to Xeno, hoping to get an answer out of him.
"Xeno, is Sirius acting strangely or am I going crazy?" Remus asks, careful to keep his voice down. Their other friends are chattering around them, speaking about what they plan to do in Hogsmeade today. Sirius is staring adamantly at Xeno, pleading with his eyes. Remus is so confused.
Xeno grins at Remus, completely ignoring Sirius, and announces, "Sirius is brilliant, actually. He has never been better. Did you know, Remus, he is going down the right path? Isn't that wonderful."
"Right," Remus nods, not understanding half of that. He wonders if all Ravenclaws speak in riddles, or if it's just Xeno and Pandora. He knows Benji is capable of speaking like a human being rather than a fortune cookie. He has barely ever gotten anything out of Astro, who is more shy than Peter had been at the beginning of first year.
He keeps an eye on Sirius throughout the duration of breakfast and only allows him to leave his sight when Lily loops her arm through Remus' and guides them in the direction of the entrance to the castle.
They go to Scrivenshaft's first to pick up some new quills. Lily ends up buying an ink pot that doesn't spill any ink when you knock it over. Remus thinks Sirius could do with one of those. Next, they go to Gladrag's Wizardwear. Remus purchases a couple of new ties, having lost his after some prank mishaps. Lily practically runs over to the second hand bookshop across the road. Remus runs after her, laughing as they pile in through the door, escaping the cold weather.
Remus ends up buying a few too many books. He's sure he'll be able to find someway to fit them into his trunk at the end of the school year. He offers to carry Lily's bag for her but she just snorts and pulls it further away from him, carrying it herself. They head off in the direction of The Three Broomsticks.
They order some butterbeer and then claim one of the tables in the back of the pub, not wanting to be surrounded as it is so busy today. Lily takes a sip of her butterbeer and ends up having a foamy moustache, which Remus laughs at before picking up a tissue and wiping it off for her.
"Oh, oops," she chuckles.
"Hey, Lils?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you noticed anything different about Sirius lately? He's been acting all weird," Remus explains. He doesn't know how else to word it. He could tell her that he can hear Sirius' heart racing in his chest, but he doesn't think that would sound very normal. Lily might ask why Remus is listening to Sirius' heart, and for that, he wouldn't have an answer. Or, she might think he is a monster because he can hear their blood pumping through their bodies.
"Not really," Lily says, taking another sip of her butterbeer and then wiping her lips with a napkin. "I suppose, he has been a bit quieter than usual. I think he has been worrying about his mum."
"Why? Because she's pregnant?" Remus supposes that makes sense. He could be constantly stressing over how his mum is doing, which would explain the erratic heart beat.
"Yeah, he sends letters home every single day," Lily nods. "From what I've heard, his mum is quite far along, so it doesn't surprise me that he's worrying himself about her."
"I had no idea he had been writing home every day," Remus mutters. Why didn't Sirius tell him? The better question is, why did Sirius tell Lily? "How did you know? You and Sirius hate each other."
"I don't hate anyone," Lily corrects, crossing her arms. "He didn't tell me, I noticed. And I only know how far along his mum is because of the sonogram she sent him."
"Oh." He grimaces. "Sorry. I'm just worried about him."
"I know you are," Lily smiles, resting a gentle hand on Remus' forearm. "I am, too, can you believe?" She huffs a laugh and moves her hand back into her lap. "Can I ask you something? It isn't to do with Sirius, it's about... someone else."
"Go for it."
Lily bites her bottom lip nervously. "What is your opinion on Regulus Black?"
"Wow. That really is a topic change," Remus jokes and Lily rolls her eyes and shoves him lightly. "What do you mean? You want my opinion on Regulus Black because..."
"I just want to know," Lily says.
"You don't like fancy him or anything, do you?" Remus laughs when Lily rears back, apparently not having expected that question.
"Of course not," she tuts. "Besides, he's engaged."
"Right," Remus nods. He can't believe someone their age is engaged. It freaks him out every time he thinks about it. "Well, my honest opinion is that he isn't so bad. I think if Sirius didn't provoke him so much and Regulus didn't do it back, they would have a shot at being friends. Regulus is nicer than people give him credit for. He helped you get me to the hospital wing that one time, didn't he?" Lily nods. "A horrible person wouldn't even think to do that."
"Yes, that's true," Lily hums quietly.
"Why do you ask?" Remus leans back in his seat, watching Lily with curiosity.
Lily looks up at him, her green eyes reflect the window beside them, making them glow emerald. "I'm going to say something that will probably sound very silly at first, but just hear me out, okay?"
"Okay..."
"Also, don't tell anyone about this." She waits for Remus to promise before continuing. "Regulus always says he hates all of you, right?" Remus nods. "It all started on the first day of first year when James and Regulus met on the train. Sirius was the one to separate them, if I am correct."
"Yeah, he accused Regulus of being a blood supremacist and James didn't exactly defend him," Remus winces at the memory. "So, he left. Pandora and Evan went with him."
"Right. This is the part where you're going to think I'm bonkers. So, over the years, I've noticed James and Regulus don't really act like they hate each other. There have been a couple of times where I've seen them looking at each other across the Great Hall and it's like they're communicating to each other. Which, I don't know about you, but I can only do that with people I know really well. Then, the other week in Potions club, I looked over to see if James was okay, and they were talking and Regulus was even smiling a bit. Also, they kept nudging each other's hands and stuff. It sounds stupid, but I think James and Regulus are friends."
"That makes no sense." Remus' eyebrows bend into a frown. "Regulus hates James."
"Does he?"
"Well, yeah..." Remus thinks about it properly. It's been a while since Regulus has said anything about James. It's also been a long time since the Slytherins have pranked them back. Then, there was that whole thing where Regulus (or he thinks it was Regulus) snuck into their dormitory and hugged James. It's crazy but... it sort of makes sense.
"I only brought it up because I don't want James to get hurt," Lily explains. "Especially, with some of the recent news about what has been happening to Muggles and Muggleborns. People are saying most of the sacred twenty-eight are getting involved, and the Blacks are at the top of that list. I just don't want Regulus to harm James in any way."
"I understand what you mean, Lily. Really, I do." Remus doesn't think Lily knows about James' past and all of the stuff that happened with Harry. He thinks if James truly is secretly friends with Regulus, then there has to be a reason for it. James had been very particular about making friends in first year - worried it would only end terribly as it had for him before. So, Remus knows if James has befriended Regulus, then it must mean something to him. He agrees with Lily, he doesn't want James to get hurt. However, he also doesn't want to disrupt his friend's right to privacy. "I don't think it's anything serious. They probably just get along in classes because Slughorn pairs them up every single year, and it would be hard not to. If it does become anything to worry about, we can talk about this again, but for now I think we should respect his privacy."
"Yeah, you're probably right," Lily sighs. "I just hope he isn't getting himself into anything he won't be able to get out of."
"I'm sure he's alright. James is a big boy, he can take care of himself."
Lily chuckles. "Alright then, subject change. How is Marie doing these days?"
Remus groans and sinks lower in his chair.
Wednesday - 24th October, 1973
Remus doesn't mind working with Astro in Potions. He doesn't talk very much, but Remus doesn't either. They are both competent enough to pass Potions. Remus is attentive, whilst Astro is precise - it makes for a great pair when it comes to brewing potions. He only knows Astro a little bit, mainly through Xeno, though also through Florence. She and Astro have been friends since first year, just as she and Remus have been.
Even when they are quiet, Remus and Astro still talk to each other. Usually, when whatever potion they are brewing has to be left to settle for a little while or when they are passing ingredients to each other. Remus has learnt that Astro was raised by his mother and he doesn't know who his father is. He hasn't asked any further about this, not wanting to intrude. Astro's mother is a Muggle, so Remus assumes his father was a wizard. He knows Astro likes playing Quidditch, but he isn't obsessed with it like Frank is. Astro mostly speaks about Astronomy, so Remus quickly realises it is the boy's favourite subject.
Remus hasn't shared much about himself either. He's told Astro a bit about the farm he grew up on and how his mother, too, is a Muggle. Astro tends to question him on the pranks Remus and his friends pull. They have never outright admitted to having any part in any of the pranks in the past, so he wonders how Astro could possibly know. Maybe it is obvious to everyone but the marauders. Remus has explained the logistics behind a couple before, however, most of them he refuses to admit were him. He doesn't think Astro would ever tell on them and get them into trouble, but he likes the idea that people don't really know who is behind all of the pranks. Not completely anyway.
Today, when Remus arrives to Potions, he immediately notices the dark circles under Astro's eyes. They aren't particularly very close, so he doesn't point it out, not wanting to come off as rude. However, throughout the lesson, he sends sidelong glances Astro's way, admittedly a bit worried about him. They don't speak at all for most of the lesson. When Remus passes Astro the correct prepared ingredients, Astro doesn't thank him as he normally does. Instead, he just takes it gently from Remus' hand before pouring it into the cauldron. He almost makes a mistake, which has never happened before, but Remus is able to catch his wrist before an explosion occurs. It is then that Remus decides to finally speak up about the boy's odd behaviour.
"Hey, uh, Astro?" He clears his throat, feeling awkward, though he isn't sure why.
Astro turns to him slowly, eyes void of anything, their usual clever twinkle absent. "Yeah?"
"Are you alright?" He winces. "That was a stupid question. Sorry, you just- uh, you don't look alright."
Astro blinks and bites the inside of his bottom lip. Remus listens as Astro's heart thunks suddenly in his chest before going back to it's usual steady rhythm. Astro inhales steadily before releasing a shaky exhale.
"Maybe you should sit down," Remus suggests kindly, pulling Astro's stool closer to the desk. "I can finish this. It's only stirring anyway."
"I'm fine," Astro croaks before collapsing back onto the stool. He grips the sides of it with his hands, his knuckles turn white. "I'm fine," he repeats, more to himself.
Remus quickly checks the potion and when he sees it is okay, he drags his own seat closer to Astro's and then sits down in it, facing the boy. He reaches out but hesitates. They aren't friends, are they? Besides, he knows some people don't find comfort from being touched. A part of him, the part that hates seeing others in pain, instinctively wants to reach out. To help. But he restrains himself.
"Can I..."
Astro nods and Remus rests a delicate hand on Astro's shoulder. Astro's jaw clenches as he looks up and meets Remus' eyes.
"What's wrong, Astro?"
Astro's leg begins to bounce on the footrest of his stool. He picks at his nails, eyes distant and sad.
"Nothing. Well, not nothing. I just mean-" He scratches his face, blinking harshly. "I found out my mum is sick. Cancer."
"Oh," Remus breathes, not knowing how else to respond. He thinks about what he would want to hear if he were in this situation. He knows he would hate any type of pity. "When did you find out?"
"This morning. She sent a letter," Astro whispers.
Remus' grip tightens a bit on his shoulder. A letter? He found out in a letter ?
"What is worrying you the most? Is it that she's sick or that you aren't with her?" He asks, wanting to show he will try to help in any way that he can. Astro might not be his friend exactly, but he is close to it. Besides, Remus' kindness extends beyond the bounds of friendship. He isn't heartless.
"She's all alone," Astro replies, voice hollow but not cracking. "I'm not there with her and..."
"And?" Remus prods.
"It's selfish," Astro shakes his head.
Remus just shrugs and his lips curl up slightly in one corner. "There's nothing wrong with that. It's a messed up situation, you're allowed to have unorthodox thoughts."
Astro looks at him with such raw emotion that Remus almost shivers. He doesn't know if Astro has told anyone else yet, or if Remus is the first person, but he thinks he has said the right thing. He thinks he has said what Astro needed to hear.
"I don't want her to get too sick because if she does... I'll have no one. I will be all alone," he whispers it like he is ashamed to say it out loud. Astro clenches his eyes shut and bows his head. Remus lifts his other hand and brings it to Astro's opposite shoulder. He nudges the boy to look at him again and he does.
"You won't be alone and that isn't a selfish thought, Astro," Remus promises him. "You have friends here, people who care about you and won't let you be forgotten or left behind. Anyone would think that way if they were in your position. Your mother is all you've had for most of your life, so it's fair to fear losing her, to fear being alone without her. That fear makes you human."
"I don't want to lose her, Remus." Astro's bottom lip begins to wobble and Remus feels his heart squeeze in his chest.
"Do you know what type of cancer it is? If it's-"
"It's lung cancer and they said it's terminal," his voice is empty of all emotion.
"Shit," Remus mumbles, trying to figure out what to say in return to that. He can't think of anything. How do reassure someone who has been told their mother, their only family, is going to die?
"It's okay if you don't know what to say to that, you know," Astro chuckles dryly. "I don't either. I haven't sent her a letter yet because I don't know what I'm supposed to say- how I'm supposed to be-" His voice finally cracks and Remus watches as a tear slips down his cheek. Astro swipes it away quickly. "I'll probably talk to Xeno about it later, he always knows what to say."
"That's a good idea," Remus nods, squeezing Astro's shoulders comfortingly. "You're lucky to have people who care about you, who can help you. I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to lose a parent, but I think if it were me I would try and make the most of what is left. We all... die eventually, life shouldn't be measured based on how short it is, but by the life that was lived."
Astro looks at him again and then tilts forward and wraps his arms around Remus' torso. He wonders how strange they must look right now, hugging in the middle of Potions. Still, he hugs him back, making sure not to let go first. He lets Astro do that.
"Thank you," Astro murmurs when he pulls away. "You're better at this than you think you are."
"Oh, thanks," Remus mumbles, not quite sure how to respond to that. "I hope you find out a way to reply to your mother, you both deserve all of the time you have left. Every single bit of it."
Astro just smiles and then turns back to their potion, stirring it and grimacing down into the cauldron before declaring that it's curdled and is no good. Remus doesn't even care that their potion failed, he's just glad Astro seems to be a bit better than he had been before.
***
Saturday - 27th October, 1973
James
On the evening of Slughorn's Slug Club Halloween party, James and Sirius spend far too long getting ready. The only other Gryffindors in their year that were accepted into the club were Frank, Alice and Lily. Frank starts getting ready only thirty minutes before they have to leave. He doesn't even tidy his hair up, he just leaves it looking windswept, as if he just came right from the Quidditch pitch.
They meet the girls in the common room and walk leisurely down towards the dungeons, where the party will be held. James knows the dungeons pretty well by now, since he is down there so often during silent nights when he, Remus, Sirius and Peter are pulling pranks on the Slytherin house. He thinks he might even know more about the dungeons than some Slytherins do. They had spent months all throughout second year mapping out every inch of the castle specifically for their map. James is very proud of the map, he knows it will always be one of their best achievements.
Jack-o'-lanterns line the ceiling of the dungeons, emitting an orangey glow that makes the corridors feel less chilly and more comfortable. The pumpkins bob around their heads, some with grins carved into them, whilst others appear to be shrieking at them. They bump into Sir Nicholas on the way, who announces it is the day of his death. James frowns at this information. Imagine dying on a holiday- on Halloween. It's the best holiday of all, except Christmas, of course.
After saying farewell to Sir Nicholas, they continue on towards Slughorn's chambers. It isn't long before they find it. The door is ajar and eerie music vibrates from inside the room, causing James and Alice to both shiver. The five Gryffindors enter the room and are immediately bombarded by bright Halloween decorations. It's not exactly what James had expected. He thought perhaps that Slughorn would decorate the place in a more gothic way, considering he is literally hosting a Halloween celebration in a dungeon. However, James is proved wrong when he realises Slughorn has actually followed a Muggle tradition of adorning the place with fake ghosts that hang from the ceiling, pumpkins littering almost every surface, and fake cobwebs covering most of the walls. James has a distinct memory of Harry's house being dressed this very way during the Halloween season. He had thought it was excellent what Muggles could come up with.
Lily seems pleased by this and separates from the group to go and join Pandora Rosier, who is off to the side with Barty Crouch, Scarlett Stark and Regulus. At the sight of Regulus, James feels his stomach swoop. He had forgotten Regulus was a part of the Slug Club. He remembers how they had spoken about this very party only a few weeks ago. Regulus wasn't quite sure if he would be going, even though Pandora clearly wanted him to go with her.
Scarlett is there too.
James feels his face twist into a grimace.
He feels Sirius come up beside him, following his line of sight, before sporting a scowl of his own. Though, James is sure it is meant for Regulus, not Scarlett.
Removing his eyes from the corner where the Slytherins (and Pandora) are all huddled together, James looks around and finds that Alice and Frank had parted from them at some point in the last couple of minutes too. They are now speaking with Emmeline Vance and Isadora Lincoln, both of which are students in their year. There are also many other students from the years above. James feels so small next to them.
"Ooh, Xeno is over there. Let's go say hello," Sirius calls, practically dragging James along. He doesn't mind, going willingly. He sends one last glance Regulus' way and discovers the boy watching him already. Regulus returns his gaze quickly back over to Scarlett, who seems to be nattering away about something or other. James looks away too, following Sirius.
Xeno is with Astro and Kingsley when they finally make it to him. They are all talking about Kettleburn, who is the Care of Magical Creatures professor at Hogwarts. Sirius is the only one amongst them who doesn't take Care of Magical Creatures. He had almost regretted his decision, until he heard about the lesson where Kettleburn got them to try and catch pixies from the forest. He had only heard a second-hand account from a very ruffled James and Remus, who both left the lesson covered in scratches. A couple of the pixies had even grabbed onto Frank's ears and tried to lift him up into a tree, but Kettleburn stopped them before it got too far out of hand.
"He is absolutely mental," Kingsley states, eyes bulging seriously. "I don't understand why Dumbledore won't just fire him and find a replacement. It isn't as if we are learning much."
"I think he is very interesting," Xeno hums, eyes shining. "He must be very passionate about his profession if he still continues to do it even with only one leg and one and a half arms left."
"I suppose," Kingsley mumbles, not seeming satiated by Xeno's input. "Still, we need someone who is actually capable of teaching us something. I don't want to fail my O.W.L. just because our teacher is unfit to do his job."
"I'm sure you will find what you are looking for in one of your textbooks, Kings," Astro says, staring down at the drink in his hand. He doesn't look to be having a very good time. At least, he doesn't at first. Xeno flicks his hair out of his eyes, catching Astro's attention, who watches the action avidly. Then, Xeno grins and turns to his friend.
"Cheer up, Ast," he nudges him gently with his arm. "It is Halloween, after all. Enjoy it while it lasts."
"The party or Halloween? Because I am pretty sure Halloween is an annual thing that lasts forever," Astro quips playfully. James finds himself chuckling along with the rest of them.
"Oh, Halloween changes over the years, Ast. Just as Christmas does. As you get older, the magic seems to fade away. Don't fret, though, I shall try and make every single Halloween brilliant for you."
Astro smiles bashfully, his eyes dropping back down to his cup. However, this time, James doesn't think it is because he is purposefully avoiding their eye contact, but rather because he is trying to hide the way his cheeks turn pink.
Slughorn finds them a few minutes later and welcomes them all jovially. He encourages them to help themselves to any drinks or hors d'oeuvres they may fancy. Then, he lets them know that dinner will be in twenty minutes. Not long after Slughorn shuffles away, Kingsley wanders off to find Emmeline. Sirius and James leave Astro and Xeno to themselves and go to find Lily. Sirius notices she is hanging around Snape and so they decide to stay away. Or, James has to pull Sirius away before he decides to start anything and ruin Halloween for everyone. Also, he knows Lily wouldn't appreciate Sirius degrading her best friend right in front of her, especially since they have gotten a little closer this year, or James thinks they have anyway. He always catches them in the library together, or sharing a table in the common room and doing their homework with each other. Honestly, seeing them so amicable is a bit odd.
They end up bumping right into Pandora and Regulus when making their way around the room. Regulus scowls at Sirius but doesn't say anything to provoke him. James wonders if when Regulus made the promise to leave himself be when he was in Sirius' form if he had really meant it about Sirius. Perhaps, Regulus will be the one to finally stop this silly rivalry that the two boys have had going for over two years.
Pandora grins at them both and James smiles back, his is a bit subdued since he is expecting a fight to break out at any moment.
"Good evening," Pandora greets, still smiling at them both. "Are you enjoying yourselves? The decorations are amazing, aren't they? Lily told me they are Muggle ones."
"Yes, they remind me of..." James stops, not sure he wants to admit out loud that he has seen these decorations before in a Muggle house. A house that belonged to a boy. A boy who died. "Well, I've seen them before."
Pandora watches him with sympathy in her eyes, like she knows exactly what he is talking about. It frightens him a bit.
"Regulus," she looks at her friend and elbows him in the side. "Be polite."
Regulus looks like he is fighting an internal battle of whether he should roll his eyes or not. In the end, he settles on a hard stare that makes James' heart sink.
"Good evening," he murmurs monotonously.
"Fuck this, I'm getting a drink," Sirius huffs, sauntering off towards the drinks table, leaving James behind.
James stares hopelessly at the back of Sirius' head until it is out of view and then he turns to the two people in front of him and sends them an apologetic look. "Sorry about him. He's just annoyed Remus and Pete aren't here. Uhm, good evening," he returns, nodding at Regulus.
Regulus' eyebrows twitch. He glances at Pandora out of the corner of his eye and James is sure they are somehow communicating through merely looking at each other. It's both scary and interesting to watch. Pandora ends up nodding encouragingly before turning on the spot and going over to the corner of the room they had been in earlier, where Scarlett and Barty are still standing, bickering about something.
"So," James says, bouncing awkwardly on the balls of his feet. He kisses his teeth and then winces at the smacking sound. "How are you?"
"How am I?" Regulus raises an amused eyebrow.
"Yes, how are you, Regulus?" James grins, tilting his head to the side as he gets a closer look at the boy.
"I'm fine," Regulus replies after a minute. A contemplative expression crosses his face. "You weren't at the tower last night."
"I wasn't," James agrees, not knowing what else to say. "I was asleep."
"Why?"
"Why was I asleep?" James snorts. Regulus' cheeks flush and James' grin grows wider.
"You know what I mean," Regulus murmurs.
"I didn't go because I fell asleep and I didn't wake up until the morning," James explains. Regulus only frowns at this news, a look of bewilderment overtaking his features.
"So, you only come to the tower when you can't sleep?"
"Well, sort of," James bites his lip. "I go because I need the company and I think you do, too."
"You think?" Regulus questions. He's asking so many questions tonight.
"I know it," James nods confidently. Regulus doesn't smile but his eyes do, if that makes sense. "Even if you don't need my company, you haven't asked me to leave the tower for a while now."
Regulus swallows. "I assumed my attempts would be fruitless. You are the most stubborn person I have ever met, James Potter. It is perpetually irritating."
James grins, vibrating on the spot.
"What?" Regulus squints suspiciously at him.
"You called me James."
Regulus rolls his eyes. "I called you by your full name. That is your name, so I do not see what the big deal is. Why are you smiling like that?"
"Because I liked it," James admits honestly. "Do it again."
"No," Regulus snaps, but there is no bite behind it.
"Aww, please, Reg," James pouts.
"I said no, and do not call me that," Regulus tuts. His lips curl up slightly and James takes satisfaction in the idea that Regulus might be enjoying their bantering. James definitely is. He doesn't know why he enjoys Regulus' rude comments so much, when he used to hate them before. He supposes it is just another part of who Regulus is, and James can admit that he does actually like Regulus. Maybe he shouldn't because he knows that Sirius doesn't and Sirius is his friend, but he can't help it. He is drawn to Regulus like the tide is to the land. He can't stop coming back for more, just a little more each time.
"Sorry."
"Say that without the smirk and I might just believe you," Regulus says, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I can't," James chuckles. "Because I'm not sorry at all."
"Of course, you're not," Regulus snorts. He looks down at the ground and then back up at James, his blue eyes shining through his long lashes. James feels his breath catch in his chest. "Will you be awake tonight?"
"Will I-" He stops himself from echoing what Regulus has said, realising halfway through the sentence that he knows what Regulus is really asking him. Will you come to the tower? "Would you like me to be?"
Regulus just shrugs one shoulder. "I wouldn't like anything from you, James Potter." Regulus smirks as he turns on his heel and goes over to join his friends again.
James smiles at the sound of his name on Regulus' lips again. When Sirius finds him, he is still grinning from ear to ear, unable to keep his eyes off Regulus for more than a few seconds at a time. Luckily for him, Sirius doesn't seem to realise. Regulus does. James notices that Regulus catches him watching him every couple of minutes, and James isn't sure if that is because he can feel James' eyes on him or if it's because he is watching him right back. James doesn't know which he would prefer.
Slughorn calls the room to dinner and they all gather around the long dining table that runs the length of his chamber. James finds himself sitting between Sirius and Regulus. It sounds like it would be a dreadful position to be stuck in, but James thinks it is actually a good turnout. If Sirius tries to provoke Regulus in any way during the meal, then James can get in the way before he manages it. And vice versa.
Opposite them, Lily, Snape, Xeno and Astro are sat in a row. Xeno appears to be trying to engage in conversation with Snape, who looks like he would rather be anywhere else. When Lily catches Snape's attention, he immediately sits up and visibly brightens. James peers down the table and finds Frank and Alice sat near the head of the table where Slughorn and some of the older students are sitting. Frank seems to be in conversation with Calvin Greengrass. James grimaces at the sight of the Slytherin Quidditch Captain.
They tuck into their food as soon as it appears in front of them, no one wasting a moment. Decorative pumpkins and skulls litter the table, acting as centrepieces that help to enhance the Halloween theme. Throughout the meal, James keeps accidentally bumping his hand into Regulus', since Regulus is left-handed. Every time he apologises, Regulus just sends him a small smile before returning back to his conversation with Pandora. James doesn't know what made Regulus change his attitude towards him, and he finds he doesn't actually care. He is just grateful Regulus is no longer treating him like manure he stepped in.
Sirius spends most of the meal tittering things in James' ear about Snape, things like how the boy obviously doesn't know how to wash his hair. James doesn't usually take part in this behaviour, but he has to admit Snape's hair does look a bit greasy. Still, when Lily notices them whispering between themselves, he breaks it off and starts up a conversation with her instead.
"Lily, how are you enjoying Potions club so far?" He smiles as he takes a sip of his pumpkin juice.
"It's-" She goes to say. However, Snape interrupts her before she is able to speak any further.
"I don't understand why you go to that club anymore, Lily," Snape drawls. He lifts his chin into the air pompously. "It is for students who don't know the first thing about improvised potion-making. You wouldn't want people to think you ignoramus now, would you?"
"I don't..." Lily starts, cutting herself off. She stares at her friend, mouth gaping open in shock. Sometimes James hates how Lily cannot see how terrible of a friend Snape is; she deserves so much better than him.
"Is that true, Severus?" Comes a voice from James' right. He watches as Regulus crosses his arms over his chest and sends Snape a glare so fiery, he is surprised he doesn't find a hole burnt straight through Snape's forehead. "Potter is the best potioneer in the room and he attends the club. Are you claiming you are better than he is? I think, if that is what you are doing, you are calling yourself a fool. After all, you don't go to Potions club, do you, Severus?"
James feels his chest grow warm at the offhanded compliment Regulus throws his way.
Snape's eyes squint at Regulus, his face turns purple with rage. James feels a laugh bubble up inside his chest and struggles to keep it down.
"He is not-"
"Is not what? The best potioneer in the year?" Regulus tuts and leans back further in his chair, shaking his head disappointedly. "I realise you haven't the best observational skills, Severus, but I wasn't aware you lacked them altogether."
James snorts at this and Sirius kicks him under the table. Surely, Sirius is having the time of his life right now. His two least favourite people in the school are bickering over Halloween dinner. When he looks at Sirius, he discovers his friend is preventing a laugh of his own from bursting free. He is certain Sirius would rather die than be caught laughing at something Regulus Black said.
"Defending Gryffindors again, Black?" Snape quips. James remembers the day back in second year when Remus' mandrake had vomited all over him and so Snape snapped at him to take a shower. Regulus had defended him then - sort of - and told Snape that he had no right determining who did or did not need a shower. It was strange having Regulus stick up for him back then and it still is now.
"And what is so wrong with that?" Lily bites, staring at Snape with dislike.
Snape turns to her and his expression immediately changes to one of regret. He opens his mouth as if to respond but no words come out. Lily raises an eyebrow as if to say, Well? Instead of trying to defend himself, Snape turns on James and grimaces.
"It is pitiful that you need someone who doesn't even like you to fight your battles for you, Potter," he spits venomously, clearly grasping at straws here. Obviously, Snape doesn't realise that he is surrounded by people who are all friends (spare Regulus - James isn't quite sure what he is).
"I am not sure which battles you are speaking of, Snape," James smiles happily, which only seems to anger the boy even more. "I'm perfectly content to sit here and enjoy my life without the relentless, and completely pointless because I could not care less, comments you keep throwing at me. It's almost as if you think you have the power to offend me." James tuts and then pouts mockingly at the boy. "Bless."
Snape scowls before pushing his chair back, it makes a terrible screeching sound against the stone floor, and storming off to the other end of the table where some of the older Slytherin students like Travers and Dolohov are sitting. Lily clears her throat, clearly uncomfortable as she stares down at the table with pink cheeks. James reaches his hand out across the table and rests it on top of hers.
"Ignore him for tonight, Lils," he smiles, hoping to pull one out of her. She looks up at him and tries, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "You deserve to have a nice evening. Now, come on, chin up. That's what my mother always says." He leans back in his chair and continues to eat his meal again.
He feels as something comes into contact with his foot and glances to his side, where he discovers Regulus with his back to him, speaking with Pandora. When James looks down, he sees that Regulus' foot, the one closest to James, is only an inch or so from his own. He smiles before carefully tapping Regulus' foot back.
Later, when they return to their dormitory, James crawls into bed, not having changed out of his clothes yet. He closes his curtains and then reaches under his pillow for his invisibility cloak, before sneaking right out of bed and heading straight for the tower. When he arrives, Regulus is already sitting under the stars, still wearing his dress robes. He doesn't turn to look at James, probably already knowing who it will be. James steps forward slowly, watching the small boy sitting on the ledge.
Regulus doesn't look up at him until James is standing next to where he is sitting. When he does, he signals for James to take a seat beside him. They sit side by side, admiring the stars and their beauty. When James asks his usual abundance of question, Regulus answers every single one of them. They remain peaceful in each other's company until way past midnight. James only suggests they leave when Regulus starts to yawn.
"Come on," James says, jumping hastily to his feet. He reaches out a hand for Regulus to take. After a moment of hesitation, Regulus lifts his hand and places it in James' palm. James pulls him up off the floor before breaking away from him quickly. "Uhm... Well, I guess... goodnight, Reg."
"Don't call me that, Potter," Regulus whispers, but there is no bite behind it. He looks up at James, blue eyes glistening in the starlight.
"Don't call me Potter," James retorts with a small smile.
Regulus' eyes fall to the floor and he shuffles his weight from one foot to the other. Without saying anything, he starts off towards the door and James follows him after a few seconds of standing still and just watching. He stops at the door, hand on the doorknob, just as it had been that first night a month ago. Turning his head slightly, but not looking at James, he whispers, "Goodnight, James."
"Goodnight, Regulus."
Saturday - 3rd November, 1973
James has already done so much today and it's not even eleven o'clock in the morning yet. His day began, as usual, with Quidditch practice. Darius had sent Edwin to get them up extra early because apparently the pitch accidentally got double booked with the Slytherin team. After practice (and a much needed shower), James watched the beginning of the Slytherin team's practice until he was caught by one of the Chasers, who chased him off. It's not like he was attempting to spy on them and figure out their weaknesses or anything, he just wanted to watch Regulus fly. He's so good at it.
Once he arrived back in the common room, he was immediately dragged back out of it by Lily, Sirius and Peter. They went down to the study area on the fifth floor and made their way through the maze of bookshelves with ease. They descended into Gryffindor's room and then immediately left it, sneaking through the secret passageway behind the tapestry of the Hogwarts castle. It didn't take them very long before they came across the split path. They carried on down the second passage until they made it to the basement of The Three Broomsticks. They make this trip quite often, usually to either add an ingredient to their secret collection, or to make sure their stash hasn't been discovered and is still safe and sound.
After this, James went to breakfast and received a letter from Cara. The two of them have kept in regular correspondence. Cara reminds him a lot of Regulus, which is funny to James. He isn't sure why he likes so many mean people. But he does. He looks forward to every time Remus' family owl comes soaring through the Great Hall, hoping to see two or more letters tied to it's leg. Hopefully, one sent from Cara for James.
He wrote her back as soon as he arrived back in the dormitory and then made the journey down to the owlery, sending it off to the Lupin's. Then, he made his way back to the dormitory, where the five boys (Frank was there too) watched Sirius unwrap all of his birthday presents. He is fourteen now, just like Frank is. James can remember Sirius' last birthday like it was yesterday. He doesn't understand how it could possibly have been an entire year ago. Time drifts by quickly when he is at Hogwarts. He is both grateful and disappointed by this; grateful that time no longer drags by slowly like it used to before he ever arrived at Hogwarts, and disappointed that his time at Hogwarts is dwindling rapidly. He doesn't want to be an adult - not yet. He would rather live in ignorance for a few years longer. It is crazy to James that in exactly three years, Sirius will be of age.
He knows he is dramatic to think so, but he feels as if their time is running out.
The five of them spend the rest of the morning laying about. Frank and Remus end up deep in discussion about the upcoming Quidditch match next Saturday. James watches, amused, as Remus tries to hide his uninterested expression. He and Sirius are playing a game of exploding snap against Peter. James has never been very good at the game, so Sirius said they could team up since Peter is an expert at it. They don't win.
At lunch, Xeno joins them, flourishing a present towards Sirius, who snatches it eagerly before clawing at the wrapping paper. It's a bobble hat and matching scarf, crocheted using red, yellow and green wool. Sirius grins before putting them on and then reaching across the table (nearly spilling Remus' drink while he is at it) and pulling Xeno into a tight hug.
"Pandora crocheted them for me," Xeno smiles when Sirius leans back into his own seat. "I saw the gloves she makes Regulus each year and thought you would look lovely in one of her hats."
"Well, you were right," Sirius agrees, admiring himself in the shard of glass he just pulled out of his sock. James immediately recognises it as the half of the mirror that he gifted to Sirius on his twelfth birthday. "I look amazing."
"Drop-dead gorgeous," Mary grins, sliding across the bench until she is next to the birthday boy. She presses a loud kiss to his cheek and Sirius smugly lifts his nose into the air, accepting the compliment gracefully.
"Cheers, Macdonald."
A few other students from other houses join them throughout the duration of the meal, all there for Sirius' birthday. He soaks up all of the attention and James can't help but laugh at Sirius, who looks completely in his element stuck in the middle of all of his friends. He ends up with a few more presents than he already had, from Bradley, Astro, Olivia Greene, Callum Greengrass, Walter Smith, Kirley Duke and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Sirius is more popular than James thought he was.
After lunch, they head out to the Quidditch pitch. When the boys asked what Sirius would like to do for his birthday the week before, Sirius had told them that he wanted to use his broom for once. James knows how much Sirius wishes he could be on the Gryffindor team as a Beater, but because the Prewett twins already play those positions, he can't.
On the way out of the Great Hall, they are stopped by Gideon and Fabian. The twins make a big deal of pointing out how many inches Sirius has surely grown over night (he has barely grown since first year), before informing the group that they have planned something for Sirius' birthday later on. Gideon tells them to invite whoever they want, even though they don't specify what they will actually be doing later.
Sirius grins after the twins as they leave, his cheeks burning pink. James knows how much Sirius admires Gideon and Fabian. It's quite adorable, actually, watching how he trails after them like a lost puppy, worshipping the very ground they walk on.
James had booked this time slot out for the Quidditch pitch last weekend, so it is empty when they get there. They brought the girls along with them, who were willing to do whatever the birthday boy wants. They even manage to convince Remus to jump on a broom and join them. Sirius, Peter, Remus, James, Benji, Lily, and Marlene make up one team, whilst Azalia, Frank, Alice, Mary, Bradley, Xeno and Astro make up the other.
James, Lily and Peter are the three Chasers for their team - Lily is frighteningly good. She soars through the air, catching and throwing the Quaffle with startling precision. James thinks she would be a great asset to the Gryffindor Quidditch team, were she not so afraid of flying. Marlene and Sirius are the Beaters and are ruthless too. They make Remus the Seeker, since he has heightened eyesight (not all of their team knows this, but most of them do, so they make the decision confidently). Benji plays as their Keeper and is quite proficient at it.
The other team ends up dividing up like this: Astro is the Keeper, Frank, Alice and Azalia are the Chasers (James thinks this is smart of them, as the three of them are excellent at reading each other), Bradley and Xeno play as Beaters, whilst Mary is the Seeker.
They play a few rounds and it is a tie up until the very last round when Sirius' team wins. James isn't entirely convinced that the other team didn't let them win because it is Sirius' birthday, but he doesn't voice this thought. He has confidence in his team and their capability.
It is time for dinner once they make it back to the castle. Sirius spends most of dinner inviting people to the Gryffindor common room later on. After dinner, the Gryffindors rush back up to the tower, where Fabian and Gideon banish them from the common room until eight o'clock tonight. As the boys and girls split into two separate groups to go up to their own rooms, Fabian quickly adds that they should change into nicer clothes.
When they get to their dormitory, Peter, Remus and Frank start writing down what time the people Sirius invited should arrive at the tower, and informing them on the dress code, before promptly sending them off through the window in the shape of paper aeroplanes.
At eight o'clock, the five boys descend down the stairs that lead to the common room. Sirius leads the way. There's a loud cheer of HAPPY BIRHTDAY and then the sound of music starting up. Sirius gasps excitedly at the sound of Bowie ringing through the room. The common room is full to the brim with people from third year and above. Fabian and Gideon stand the closest to them all and pull Sirius into a hug, which seems to fluster the poor boy.
They've thrown a birthday party for him.
The girls join them shortly after and they all go off to mingle with the crowd. It isn't long before the people Sirius invited at dinner begin to show up. Benji is the first, to no one's surprise. Peter blushes at the sight of Benji in a fancy shirt.
As soon as Sirius discovers there is alcohol, he rushes over to the nearest drinks table. Lily is hot on his tail, rushing after him in an attempt to prevent him from making any decisions he will likely regret tomorrow. James watches from afar as they argue. Or, well, Lily is angrily saying things to the side of Sirius' head as Sirius pours something into a red paper cup and completely ignores her. Eventually, Sirius returns with four cups in his hands, passing one to Peter, then to James, and one to Remus. Lily growls and rips the cup out of Remus' hand. When he goes to argue, Lily levels him with a glare so fierce that he actually relents and informs the others that he will act as the sober chaperone for the night. Peter snorts before taking a short sip of his drink, grimacing, and then passing it to Benji who squints down at the drink and then takes a gulp of his own. His lips twist contemplatively, "Mm. It's not bad."
"That's the spirit, Benji!" Sirius smirks, sipping his own drink. "Woah."
James is the last to try it. When he takes a sip, he feels a strange sort of tingling on the roof of his mouth. It's bitter, that's the first thought he has after trying it. It isn't... terrible, it just isn't very nice either. There is a very faint honey-like taste that makes him lean in for more, but it is mostly overpowered by the harsh flavour of the alcohol itself.
"Not you too, James," Lily groans, going to swipe his drink away too. Luckily, he is able to pull his hand out of her reach before she manages to grasp it. She huffs at him and then gives up.
"Not being a party-pooper, are you, Lils?" Mary asks, wrapping an arm over Lily's shoulders.
"No." Lily frowns at her friend. "You realise it is possible to have fun without alcohol, right?"
"Oh, absolutely it is," Mary agrees, and then adds, "but alcohol brings that little rebellious high that we all deserve."
"You say that as if you've had it before, Macdonald," Sirius says.
"Who says I haven't, Tonks?" She raises an eyebrow at him and Sirius gapes at her, looking both shocked and amazed by Mary Macdonald.
The night continues on like this. They talk and drink and even spend an embarrassing hour or two dancing. James already knows he is going to regret that tomorrow. He finds that the more he drinks, the less he cares about hiding himself. He hasn't thought about burrowing himself away from the other boys for a long time. At least, he didn't think he had. But the drinking really makes him realise just how tense he was before.
It is almost midnight when a miracle happens.
The last time James saw Peter, he and Benji were dancing and bouncing around like lunatics. James has been stuck to Sirius' side all night, not wanting to stray too far from the boy on his birthday. Remus has remained with them too, as well as Xeno and Astro. James was surprised to find Remus and Astro speaking. He knows they are partners in Potions this year, but he wasn't aware they were proper friends.
Sirius is the first person to realise it.
He randomly starts swatting James and Remus with the back of his hands, excitedly giggling and jumping up and down on his feet. When both boys ask him what on earth he is doing, he points towards the other end of the room where, just beside the fireplace, Peter and Benji are slowly leaning in closer to each other. James watches, amazed, as Peter stands up on his tiptoes and pushes forward, gently brushing his lips against Benji's. James thinks he could cry. He wonders if Peter is crying. If he is even breathing. Surely not. He's been enamoured with Benji for so long.
James might have been horrified once, being reminded of how boys can be with boys, but now he finds that he isn't even thinking about himself. Maybe it's the alcohol, but James feels nothing but complete and utter joy for his friend. Oh, he is so happy that Peter is finally getting what he has wanted for so long.
Benji reaches a hand up to cup Peter's cheek before pressing forward and kissing him back. Sirius screams and Remus jumps to cover his friend's mouth, obviously not wanting him to catch Peter or Benji's attention and ruin their moment. Not that James thinks they would hear him. Surely, they are in their own little world right now, unable to make sense of anything happening around them.
When Peter finally sinks back down onto the heels of his feet, they pull away. They stare at each other for about two seconds before grinning and laughing bashfully. They both turn away from the other, cheeks red and smiles wide. Benji is the first to return his gaze to the boy in front of him. He looks down and takes Peter's hand in his before drawing him back in and leaving a soft kiss on his forehead.
James feels his heart melt.
It hits him all at once, yet somehow it doesn't feel harsh. It's like a sudden gust of wind that blows him off his feet.
This is what he wants. Something beautiful and all-consuming. Something that makes the rest of the world fade away.
For the first time in a long time, he isn't afraid.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Xeno, Lyall and Andy are the biggest Wolfstar shippers <3
-Lily being an independent Queen and carrying her own damn bag.
-Lily and Remus' little friendship date in Hogsmeade ❤❤
-Lily "I'm observant" Evans sussing Jegulus out before James and Regulus even know what's going on 😭
-the hints at the oncoming war is really hurting my feelings
-the foreshadowing. I am laughing at you guys because you don't even know what's coming.
-Astro is my baby. You all have to like him because I say so :)
-Remus being a little therapist for Astro :( I feel so bad for that little guy. By the way! Astro will be important in this fic and I have been waiting ages to introduce him properly to you guys <3
-James "imagine dying on Halloween" Potter.. who's gonna tell him?
-James scowling every time he sees Scarlett will never not make me giggle. jealous king.
-Frank being lifted up by pixies just like Neville. gotta love parallels.
-I love the Ravenclaw boys - Benji, Xeno, Astro, Kingsley (etc.)
-Ast <3 I see you blushing, sir ✋
-"I was asleep." "Why?" Regulus is like: how dare you not secretly meet up with me in our very secret meeting place secretly?
-James "I like it when he is mean to me" Potter has arrived 🙄
-REGULUS IS OPENING UP A BIT, PEOPLE! I REPEAT! REGULUS BLACK IS OPENING UP!
-Regulus standing up for his husband>>>
-Sirius' first time being proud of Regulus is when Regulus is insulting Snape. I love this.
-JAMES POTTER, THE BOY YOU ARE! "Bless" hehehehehehehe
-he said James :(
-did anyone else notice that Sirius' hat and scarf match Regulus' new Quidditch gloves?
-them all playing Quidditch together for Sirius' birthday is adorable.
-Fabian and Gideon are like: it is our eldest's birthday today!
-PETER AND BENJI! PETER AND BENJI! PETER AND BENJI! THEY ARE FINALLY KISSING! I'M GOING TO CRY TOO, JAMES !!
-Benji and his little forehead kiss AHHHHHHI hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I've had a very busy weekend, so sorry this is a bit late. See you next week! <3
Chapter 35: Third Year: There Would Be No Good People
Summary:
James and Regulus become closer.
The Slytherins finally get their revenge on the Gryffindors.
Sirius talks to Xenophilius.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of a child's death (Harry)
-someone has an allergic reaction to a plant (not described)
-parent is mentally abusive
-brief reference to a character being depressed
-brief mention of child soldiers in WW1 and WW2
-mention of attacks on people (Muggles and Muggleborns)Hi this is a day late because I was busy yesterday! It is a long one, so I hope you enjoy it :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The touch of your hand in mine,
Which means far more
to the fainting heart,
Than shelter and bread and wine.
~ Spencer Michael Free
Saturday - 10th November, 1973
Regulus
"Junior, hurry up! Pandora and I promised Ast we would be at the game." Dorcas is yelling through the bathroom door in the boys' dormitory. Regulus and Pandora watch her from Regulus' bed. Dorcas pounds her fist harshly against the door, but doesn't get the results she was hoping for. The sound of running water still echoes from the bathroom. Dorcas groans and stomps off over to Evan's bed, where Evan is sitting down on the edge of his mattress, tying his shoes.
"Evan, can you please tell him he has five minutes or we are leaving him behind?" Dorcas pouts.
Evan chuckles. "Sure," he gets up and strolls across the room. " But I don't get why you think he will listen to me when he didn't listen to you."
"He always listens to you," Dorcas says.
"What? No, he doesn't," Evan frowns, turning to Regulus and Pandora for backup.
"He does, Evan," Pandora nods in confirmation. "It is because he loves you so very much."
Evan stares at his sister for a moment, a thought flashing across his eyes. Then, his eyes really do flash bright blue like a Lumos charm. Evan stumbles but manages to catch himself before he drops to the floor. Regulus watches his friend with concern.
"You alright, Evan?" Dorcas asks.
"Yeah," he mumbles in response. "Just, uh, tripped." He quickly makes his way over to the bathroom door, rapping his fist against it a bit harshly. "Barty, if you don't get your arse out here in the next two minutes, we're leaving you behind and you'll have to drag yourself up the stands."
There's a minute of silence, only the gentle rhythm of water spraying out of their showerhead. Then, the water cuts off and a couple of seconds later, Barty opens the door.
"There's no need to be so demanding," he tuts as he closes the bathroom door behind himself. He is wearing nothing but a towel, so Regulus averts his eyes. Evan is standing speechless at the bathroom door, eyes wide and ears red. He quickly drops his eyes to the floor before clearing his throat and telling Barty to get dressed already.
Pandora snorts beside Regulus and he sends her a puzzled look. She smiles at him in that overly mysterious way she does sometimes, so he drops it. Instead, he glances down at her wrist where the numbers 240879 are written. He has seen those numbers multiple times before. Usually, he will find Pandora scribbling them down lazily when she is bored in class. Sometimes they are outlined multiple times, like she's been repeatedly writing them out over and over again. They must be important, he thinks. He wishes he knew what they meant.
Once Barty is dressed, they rush down the stairs and through the common room. Scarlett doesn't join them. She told Regulus not long ago that she doesn't care very much for Quidditch. She doesn't hate it, nor does she like it. To Scarlett, it is a waste of time. So, the only games she goes to watch are the ones where Regulus is playing. He is oddly grateful for this, it shows she does actually care, even when he mostly gets the impression that she doesn't really like anyone.
He walks arm-in-arm with Pandora on the way down to the Quidditch pitch. They walk ahead of the others, chatting back and forth.
"I am very proud of you, Reggie," Pandora says earnestly, gripping his arm a little tighter.
"Really? Why is that?" He smiles down at her, finding it difficult not to. Pandora has always had this effect on him, Regulus is sure she has it on everyone around her.
"You're embracing your alstroemeria flower."
"I am?" Regulus thinks about James and how he is almost certain he is the thing Pandora begged Regulus not to dismiss this year. He has been allowing James to return to the tower, no longer attempting to shun him away. He won't go anyway. What is most surprising to Regulus is that he finds he doesn't completely dread the time they spend in the tower together. Not anymore. At first, it felt like something he would have preferred to avoid, but now... he almost looks forward to it. Not that he would ever admit that out loud.
James' presence isn't as loud as Regulus thought it would be. That may have disappointed him a little bit before because it meant he got James Potter all wrong. However, over time, he has found that James is gentle with how he presents himself. When he speaks, it is only ever in whispers. When he laughs, he tries to quieten it down like he is afraid Regulus will judge him for laughing any louder. When they sit there together in silence, James stares up at the sky, mirroring Regulus. It's peculiar how they are able to find a routine in this, too.
"I think I might know what it means," Regulus discloses in a whisper. "But I know you said I would likely be wrong, so I'm not sure if I should admit it to you. If I am wrong, I will feel like the biggest idiot on the planet."
"When I said you wouldn't be able to guess what the flowers mean, I didn't necessarily mean the big picture. There is more coming, Reggie," her jaw clenches slightly as she swallows. Then, she is grinning again. "You know you can talk to me about anything."
"I know," he nods. "I think I want to keep it to myself for a bit longer, though."
"That's fair," Pandora says amicably.
"You already know what is happening, I am sure. But I would like to pretend, for a little while at least, that it isn't as ludicrous as I know it is. I want to pretend." He speaks those words for the second time in his life. Last time, their context were the complete opposite of what they mean now. Last time, they were directed at James, asking him to pretend their hug never happened. Now, Regulus is using them selfishly once again because, if he is being honest, he doesn't want anyone else to know about those hours spent with James Potter, hidden in the darkness of the night. He wants to pretend that he isn't being a fool for slowly, and not at all reluctantly, befriending the very boy he spent the past two years trying to ignore after their brief friendship ended before it even got the chance to begin.
"Sometimes, pretending makes things feel more real for us," Pandora says, tilting her head contemplatively. "That sounds rather contradictory, but it's true. I believe it."
"I guess, we'll have to see."
The five of them sit in the Ravenclaw stands. No one argues with the fact that four Slytherins are sitting here, probably because Pandora is so loved by everyone. They end up sitting beside Xenophilius Lovegood and Benji Fenwick.
"Hello, Xeno," Pandora waves down the aisle to him. "Is Peter not with you two?"
"No," Xeno waves back. "He is supporting his own house with his friends over on the Gryffindor side of the stands." He points over to the opposite side of the pitch. "Benji hasn't stopped talking about it."
Benji, who is sitting in between Regulus and Xeno, makes an offended noise and slaps his hand to his chest. "Rude. I haven't been speaking about him that much."
Xeno only raises an eyebrow and smirks. Benji rolls his eyes and chuckles.
Regulus tunes out the conversations taking place around him. The Gryffindors have just begun to spill onto the pitch. Regulus peers down and finds James easily. He's holding his broom by his side, red Gryffindor Quidditch robes billowing behind him in the chilly wind. He is wearing his glasses, which makes Regulus smile for some reason. The Gryffindor team meets the Ravenclaw team in the middle, and their Captains shake hands. Then, they mount their brooms and take off into the air.
Hooch marches onto the pitch as the players take their positions. James glances around at the stands. His eyes go to the Gryffindors first, where he finds his friends in the crowd and waves at them. Then, his eyes jump over to the Slytherin stands. He searches them once and then twice before frowning. James' head turns towards them as he starts to search the Ravenclaw stands. It isn't until his eyes land on Regulus that the worry lines between his eyebrows fade and his mouth breaks into a grin.
Regulus doesn't smile back. Instead, he raises both of his eyebrows challengingly. James' smile morphs into a smirk and he squints his eyes, accepting Regulus' challenge.
Regulus stares at the ground, trying his best to hide his smile from James.
"It's starting," Pandora squeals from beside him, so he finally brings his eyes back to the game in front of him. James has the Quaffle stuck in the crook of his elbow. Regulus rolls his eyes fondly.
Commentator McKinnon describes in great detail how one of the Prewett Beaters swung their bat very beautifully. Pandora laughs at this. Regulus watches the two Seekers eagerly. He likes analysing how other teams play, specifically the Seekers. It's helpful when he is playing against them, for him to know their tactics, their weaknesses, the way they fly. It makes it easier for him to win.
For some reason, Astro keeps letting goals in. The few he manages to save are close calls, too. Regulus wonders what is going on with him, he is usually very good at preventing other teams from scoring. However, when Regulus examines him for a few minutes, he notices that Astro seems to be more distracted than he would normally be. His attempts to interfere before the Quaffle shoots through the hoops behind him are mostly futile. It barely seems to bother him whenever he misses.
"What is wrong with Astro?" He asks Pandora quietly.
"He is very sad," Pandora replies, frowning as she watches Astro fail to block yet another goal scored by James.
"Why?"
Pandora turns to him and her eyes fill with sympathy. "Sorry, but I can't say. I promised I wouldn't."
"Oh, okay," Regulus says, swallowing. He continues to watch they game, eyes snagging on James as he scores once again.
Gryffindor ends up winning by a landslide, since they have three excellent Chasers that have almost no barrier between themselves and the goals. Seeker McKinnon catches the Snitch after Ravenclaw's Seeker - Lucie Royal - spotted it first. He flew speedily after her and managed to overtake her before snatching the Snitch right out of the air.
James and Longbottom speed towards each other in the air, dangerously fast. Regulus is afraid that they are going to crash, at first. However, instead of colliding, they spin around each other giddily before slowing down and pulling each other into a hug mid-air. James looks so happy.
James shows up only minutes after Regulus arrives at the tower tonight. He sits down to Regulus' right, crossing his legs, so their knees almost bump together. Regulus is the first to speak tonight, which is a first.
"Congratulations on the win, Potter."
James groans. "Oh, we're back to Potter, are we?"
"What else am I supposed to call you?" Regulus frowns.
"I don't know. Perhaps, my name?" James smirks, tilting his head in that way he always does when he is giving Regulus his full attention.
"Okay, my name," Regulus snorts, then he is hit with a bout of Deja vu, a conversation that took place in a train compartment over two years ago coming to mind.
"I'm Regulus Black."
"Regulus?" James had asked.
"Yeah, I know it's a bit-"
"Like the star?"
"That is what I was named after."
"You don't like it?" James questioned. He had stared at him as if he already knew Regulus well.
"Not really. It's fine, just too old-fashioned for my liking."
"Fair enough. I don't understand why so many wizards and witches call their children by such strange names. If you don't like it, I can always call you Reg?"
After a long pause where Regulus didn't respond, James asked, "Unless you don't like that either?"
"It's alright. I don't mind it. What should I call you?"
"Just James," James had shrugged.
"Ok, just James."
He blinks, returning to the present. When he turns to James to see if he has said anything Regulus missed, he finds James smiling softly at him, eyes distant like he, too, is remembering that day. Regulus wonders if James remembers everything they had spoken about in those first two hours, or if he blocked them out of his mind like Regulus tried to.
"What?" Regulus asks after another minute of silence.
"You know, if you call me Potter, I am going to call you Reg."
"No, you are not."
"Try and stop me," James smiles smugly. "So, how did you like the game? Did I do good?"
Regulus rolls his eyes at James blatantly fishing for compliments. "It was a good game," Regulus nods sagely. His eyes flick over to James, who is watching him intently. "You played... well."
"Well?"
"Very well," Regulus adds reluctantly. James beams at him, so he looks away.
"Why, thank you, Reg," James says dramatically. Then, more seriously, "Really, it means a lot coming from you. Thank you."
"Why does it mean a lot? Coming from me, I mean." Regulus folds his arms on the metal bar and then rests his cheek on his arms, eyes watching James again.
"You're amazing at Quidditch," James answers honestly, a bit breathlessly. His eyes flutter closed and Regulus continues to look at him. "When you fly, it is no longer the brutal sport it is. You make it an art."
Regulus stares at James' closed eyes, begging them not to open and see the expression on his face. He is surely as red as a fucking Gryffindor banner by now. He can feel the way his blood has rushed to his cheeks at the unexpected compliment. No one has described his flying in that way before. It is exactly how Regulus sees it. He flies and he paints with the wind and he acts as if the air is a pool of water that he can gracefully glide through. It feels like dancing sometimes, the way he spins and sweeps through the air. James is right, it is an art. Regulus has always tried to make it an art. No one has ever noticed before. No one until James.
When James does eventually move to open his eyes, he squints one open and peeks at Regulus, who doesn't shy away from the attention.
"I thought you might have left," James says through a growing smile.
"Not yet," Regulus responds softly. He tilts his head in the direction of the sky. The moon is full tonight. It hangs giant in the sky, taking up far too much space and leaving barely any for the stars. Regulus thinks the moon is a selfish thing; it makes the world adjust to it's needs and steals parts of the sky away from tiny stars whose only job is to shine.
"James?" He doesn't even notice the blatant use of the boy's name as it leaves his mouth.
"Yes?" James asks eagerly.
"Why can't you sleep?" Out of the corner of his eye, he watches as James stills. The smile on his face vanishes and is replaced by a haunted expression. Regulus redirects his gaze to James, who begins to fold into himself. Regulus frowns. He has never seen James look so small.
"You would hate me if you knew," James mumbles, plucking at a thread that hangs from the cuff of his pyjama bottoms. He chuckles dryly. "That is if you don't hate me already."
Regulus opens his mouth, his instinct is to agree. But that feels too mean. He surprises himself by thinking it, but the idea of offending James in this moment feels like the absolute last thing he should do. The boy is clearly dealing with something and Regulus has no idea what it is or how fragile James is right now. He doesn't want to break the boy beyond repair.
Instead, he says the truth.
"It isn't possible for anyone to hate you," Regulus whispers and James' eyes return to his, full of nothing but complete and utter sadness. "You are too kind. You aren't the sort of person people go around hating."
"Well, that isn't true," James croaks.
"How?"
"I know at least one person who hates me."
Who? Regulus wants to ask. Who could possibly hold hate for James Potter?
"Well," Regulus inhales and then, all in a rush, "I don't hate you."
James blinks harshly. A tragic smile crosses his lips. "And what if I told you I killed my best friend?"
Regulus rears back, honestly a bit startled by that comment. He takes in James' hunched shoulders, the way his mouth is settled into a frown that feels all too familiar on his face, as if it is used to being twisted in this way. He stares at the naked honesty in James' eyes.
"I don't believe you," he says, even though a part of him knows James is telling the truth.
"It must be nice being able to pretend," James mumbles. The words hit Regulus harshly. James looks at him apologetically. "Sorry, I just- Do you remember when I told you I was afraid of the woods behind my house?"
Regulus nods uncertainly. He remembers. Of course, he does. What he doesn't understand is why this is relevant to the conversation at hand.
"Well, there's a reason for that," James explains as he begins to tell Regulus the story of Harry Wilkins.
Regulus listens intently. He listens as James describes his first ever friend, a Muggle boy from the village James grew up in. He listens as James explains how they used to run away to the woods and sneak into an abandoned house in the middle of the trees. He listens as James tells him about arguing with Harry and leaving him all alone in the dark forest. James tells him about Richard Clark and Harry's murder. He tells him about the blood and the way Harry's mother had sobbed for hours after they found her son. James admits to still being able to hear her crying out for her son at night. He describes his dreams to Regulus, the ones he used to have and the ones he has now.
By the end of it, James is shaking but he hasn't cried. Not once. His expression is blank, the only hint of emotion that breaks through his mask is disgust. Regulus knows it is aimed at himself.
"Don't tell me it isn't my fault," James says, his throat sounding dry as he speaks. "Everyone tells me that and it doesn't help me feel any less guilty.
"I'm not going to tell you that, even if it's true," Regulus promises. "I would have done the same thing."
"What?" James asks, confused.
"I would have left him behind, too. James, you were a child. All children are petulant and obsessed with attention. You were deprived of it by your only friend in the world and Harry... well, he clearly hated that you weren't giving him enough."
"I- what?" James repeats, staring at Regulus with wide eyes.
"Children are petulant. You were both only children, James. Any other child in your position would have done exactly what you did. At the very least, I know I would have. How does that make you terrible? It doesn't. It makes you just like everyone else."
James blinks. His eyes search Regulus' face for some kind of further answer. When he doesn't find one, he whispers, "What if I don't want to be just like everyone else?"
"Luckily for you, you're no longer a kid," Regulus smiles gently at him. "You can choose to be whoever you want to be now."
"But what if I'm already-"
"A decision you made as a child, no matter how big or small, does not determine the man you will grow to be. If we were all measured by our mistakes, there would be no good people. I would absolutely not be a saint. If anything, you should be able to tell how good of a person you are merely by how affected you are by the situation." He grimaces, thinking of his own childhood. No, he doesn't want to get into that right now. His hand crawls towards James' on the floor, against his will. James meets it halfway and their pinkies knock gently together. Regulus will never not be shocked by the complete lack of discomfort that comes from touching James.
"I'm still scared," James admits in a shaky whisper. He is staring down at where their skin comes into contact.
"Scared of what?"
James' lips twist in thought and his eyebrows furrow, creasing the skin above the bridge of his nose. "I'm afraid of forgetting him."
"That's stupid," Regulus tuts before he can stop himself. James huffs out a little laugh and slides his pinkie under Regulus' before looping them together.
"Maybe you're right."
"Of course, I am," Regulus replies confidently. "You aren't going to forget him. If you loved him, he'll stay with you."
"Yeah, I hope so" James says softly, eyes meeting Regulus' again. Regulus notices how, in the moonlight, the brown shines and looks almost golden. James' eyes remind him of Snitches. "It is why I am afraid of the dark. Of the mere thought of people being alone in the dark."
"That's why you told me to leave that first night," Regulus whispers, realisation striking him suddenly.
"Yes."
"You said you were scared for me," Regulus mumbles. He feels so stupid now. James had been so scared when he crawled under the bar and stood on the very edge of the tower and now Regulus knows why. He didn't want to lose anyone else, even if it was just Regulus. He wouldn't have been able to handle it.
James told him once that his fatal flaw was the need to protect people. Regulus gets it now. James blames himself for this terrible thing that happened to him in his childhood and he wants to make it right.
"I was," James nods slowly. His eyebrows pinch together, "I still am, every night."
"So, that's why you come here?"
James bites his lip. "That's why I came here at first," he says, eyes on the ground. "Maybe it is still a part of the reason why."
"If not that, then... why?" Regulus presses.
James' eyes bounce over to him and a small smile begins to form on his lips. "I can only think of one reason."
Regulus watches the other boy adamantly, praying to Merlin himself that he is not understanding this wrong. He has thought of multiple excuses for why James comes to the tower every night, and not one of them was because he might actually enjoy sitting there with Regulus, in companionable silence. He assumes this information will make him feel ill; after all, he has never much liked James Potter, has he? It comes as a surprise to him when he feels warmth bleed through his chest. It streams through his shoulders and down his arms, tingling in his fingertips. His pinkie twitches where it is still locked around James'.
"Pretending is usually easy for me, you know," Regulus says. He removes his eyes from where they are set on their hands and glances up at James. He squeezes every ounce of sincerity into his next words. "When it comes to you, I find it incredibly difficult."
James stares at him for a moment. A breeze hits them and Regulus' eyes follow where it ruffles James' curly hair. The other boy doesn't seem to notice, too busy taking in what Regulus has just admitted to him. Eventually, James smiles and he doesn't say anything else. Regulus doesn't either.
Monday - 12th November, 1973
Last night, Regulus, Evan and Barty finally pulled a much anticipated prank on the Gryffindor boys. The only downside was that it meant Regulus would end up alone in the tower. So, he visited his secret museum instead and spoke to Reverie. This time, when he spoke about James, it was without shame and without distain. This time, he told her about James, not Potter.
Barty had come to Evan and Regulus with the idea only a couple of nights ago. He was inspired by their Herbology projects, more specifically the pranking possibilities that Puffapods offer them.
They used disillusionment charms to hide in one of the alcoves just down the corridor from the Gryffindor common room, long enough to discover what the password was from a particularly loud first year entering Gryffindor Tower. Then, Barty was the one to announce the password to the Pink Lady behind the frame, explaining that he wanted to see Alice. Evan and Regulus remained under their disillusionment charm as Barty gained entry. Then, they snuck up to the Gryffindor boys' dormitories, which Regulus had already been to, so he knew exactly where to go. Carefully, they spread Puffapod seeds all over each boys' bed, casting a time delay spell on them, so that they wouldn't immediately be triggered by coming into contact with a surface. Not until midnight, when all five Gryffindor boys would surely be asleep.
When the flowers do bloom, the spores are meant to cause drowsiness and make the consumer pass out until the room has been freed from all of the pollen.
It's the next morning now. Regulus sits at the Slytherin table with Scarlett on one side and Pandora on the other. He keeps glancing over at the Gryffindor table, and each time he does, he notices that none of the third-year Gryffindor boys have showed up to breakfast this morning.
In Potions, Slughorn makes him work with Pandora and Lily Evans because James never shows up to the lesson. Evans spends the entire time worriedly pointing out James' absence. Pandora assures her he is fine and probably just overslept before sending a pointed look Regulus' way. He just shrugs and tries to hide his grin. After all of the pranks the Gryffindors have played on them in the last few months, they deserve a bit of the Slytherin boys' resurgence.
Regulus has two free periods today. He spends one of them in the library with Scarlett, researching ways to get around the unfair legislation of house-elves and their treatment. It is something they have been working on together ever since Scarlett's birthday back in September. Scarlett says she is trying to collect absolutely every bit of information she can, so that, one day, when she works in the Ministry, she can finally get some justice for house-elves, and all other magical creatures that are treated poorly. Her new obsession right now are centaurs, specifically the eminence of centaurs that reside in the Dark Forest on the Hogwarts grounds. They came up in their History of Magic class and Scarlett had been instantly intrigued by the laws surrounding them, too.
It isn't until dinner time that a Gryffindor actually approaches them. Luckily, it isn't one of the boys they pranked (who missed all of their lessons for the day). However, unluckily for Barty, it is Alice Fortescue, and she looks very mad.
"Bartemius," she growls as she grabs the back of his collar and almost pulls him out of his chair. Scarlett looks like Christmas has come early and grins at the display in front of her. Dorcas watches on with confusion and a hint of amusement. Pandora seems indifferent about the whole thing and just continues to eat her dinner and gaze around the hall at all of the students. Evan is the only one who looks actually worried for their friend. Regulus isn't worried, he sort of guessed this would happen. He is, however, beginning to regret allowing Barty to prank Longbottom, too. Usually, they try to restrict it only to James, Tonks, Remus and Pettigrew. However, Barty had been adamant that they get Longbottom as well.
"Alice," he grins, though his eyes are wide with terror. Regulus almost laughs. Barty is a bit insane, honestly, so it is rare that he is ever afraid of anything. Regulus knows he is afraid of his father, but nothing else really seems to scare him.
Alice Fortescue does.
"You slippery little snake," she snaps, releasing his collar and pointing a sharp finger in his face. "How could you do that to him? What did Frank ever do to you?"
"Listen, sweetheart, it wasn't anything to do with your precious, little Frankie-" Barty says in a mocking voice that only makes Alice visibly angrier. Barty gulps. "It isn't our fault he shares a dorm with the core four. We couldn't leave him out and make him think he's special-"
"He had an allergic reaction," Alice cuts in, her lips trembling like she is going to cry. She doesn't. Instead, she breathes in quickly through her nose and leans in closer to Barty. "Because of you, he has to spend the next few days in the hospital wing."
"Shit," Barty mumbles, looking guiltier than Regulus has ever seen him. "Alice, I didn't- I'm sor-"
"Shut up," she snaps. "Don't speak to me, okay? Just leave me alone for a bit." Then, she stomps off and Barty watches her go. Hurt flashes across his face before he buries it under whatever emotional shield he always has set and ready to go whenever he doesn't want to face what he is feeling. He adjusts his collar, clearing his throat, and then begins to eat his dinner again.
"Barty, are you okay?" Evan asks softly.
"I'm fine," Barty laughs, but it sounds all wrong in his throat. "She's just a stupid Gryffindor right?"
"Barty..." Dorcas says.
"What?" Barty snaps.
"She isn't just a stupid Gryffindor," Evan begins, speaking cautiously, like he is afraid Barty will yell at him. "She's your best friend."
"Is she?" Barty asks, laughing again. "Funny. I've barely seen her this year and all summer she was off at Frank bloody Longbottom's. She obviously hates me now."
"She doesn't hate you," Dorcas tuts.
"Yeah, well. Whatever." Barty sniffs and abruptly stands from his seat. "I'm not hungry. I'll see you lot later."
He marches off out of the hall and out of sight. Evan watches him go, eyes still glued to the empty doorway after Barty is gone.
"Please tell me that wasn't the beginning of something that will only get worse," Regulus begs, turning to Pandora.
She just shrugs, attention stuck on something at the other end of the hall. "The future isn't that simple," is all she says.
Regulus doesn't eat anymore, he's lost his appetite.
Saturday - 24th November, 1973
Barty hasn't spoken to Alice in almost two weeks and all of his friends can see the toll it has taken on him. On top of that, the next morning at breakfast, Barty's father sent a howler that screamed at him in front of the entire school. To sum it up, he called Barty a disappointment and a terrible friend - "how could you do that to Alice when their family has always been so nice to undeserving, little scum like you?"
Yeah, it hasn't been great.
Barty took the fall for them all, saying his father was already mad at him about it anyway after hearing from the Fortescues what had happened, and not wanting to get Regulus or Evan in trouble with their parents. Reluctantly, they agreed with him.
James hasn't stopped coming to the tower, which Regulus is oddly grateful for. A small part of him had feared that James would be too angry about the prank and wouldn't want to come and see him anymore. He's pathetic. Don't worry, he already knows.
However, James had come the next night and, to Regulus' surprise, applauded him for the creative idea. Regulus mentioned it was mostly Barty who came up with the whole thing, to which James responded by asking how he was doing after the whole howler debacle. Regulus was shocked to find out that James had enough love inside his heart to care about Barty. He supposes he should have expected that from James Potter really.
Today is their second Quidditch match of the season and they are playing against Ravenclaw. Regulus is worried. Barty is not in the right mindset to be swinging a bat around. Especially, if said bat will be bashing loose cannons around near people who are flying around, also like loose cannons.
The game goes well. They score plenty more goals than the Ravenclaw team do, likely because Astro is, yet again, missing the Quaffle almost every time it passes him. Regulus eventually spots and catches the Snitch and is rewarded afterwards by the sight of James cheering in his direction from the Gryffindor stands. Tonks doesn't seem to be with him, only Macdonald and girl McKinnon, so Regulus smiles at him, knowing no one else but James will know who it's for.
Barty had been a wreck during the entirety of the game. He almost hit a Bludger directly into Regulus at one point. Luckily, Regulus is a skilled flier and managed to avoid it. It was mostly ignored by their team. Everyone knows about Barty's howler, so they don't entirely blame him for it at first. However, after Barty sends a Bludger in the direction of Leo Quagmire (one of the Ravenclaw Chasers) and is banned from the rest of the game by Hooch, Calvin (the Slytherin Captain) doesn't refrain from yelling at Barty as soon as the game is over. He does it in front of the entire team too, which feels unnecessary to Regulus. He probably would have kept going too, if it weren't for Evan who eventually shouted at him to stop. Barty got the message, he wouldn't mess up again. Not on purpose, at least.
He was quiet again after that. Carefully avoiding the dormitory and the Great Hall. Regulus couldn't find him, nor could Dorcas or Evan. Eventually, they sent Pandora off to look for him. It was hours before they arrived back to the boys' shared bedroom. Barty was in a state, his uniform hung untidily from his body and his hair looked like a greasy mess. He had eyebags that haunted his face and a permanently sallow expression that made Regulus want to reach out and help in someway. Pandora only announced to everyone that Barty needed rest and then commanded them all to leave him be for the night, before leading Barty over to his bed and then crawling in there with him.
Regulus nodded in response. It sounded reasonable enough. Evan was the only one of them to appear put-out. Dorcas and Scarlett eventually went back to their own room.
Regulus lies in his bed until midnight and then decides he is going to escape off to the tower. However, his plans are abolished when his bedcurtains are pushed open and a head of bright white hair greets his eyes. At first, he thinks it is Pandora, come to escape Barty's sleepy clinging. Then, he gets a better look and realises it is actually Evan.
"Could I sleep in with you tonight?" He asks, eyes on the floor like he is ashamed to even ask.
Regulus doesn't like touch, but he is coming to realise that when other people are in desperate need of it, people he cares about, he doesn't mind. It seems to outweigh his own problems. Which is why he lifts his duvet and allows Evan to settle in beside him. They don't speak. They just lie side by side. Regulus doesn't go to the tower tonight. He falls asleep an hour after Evan's breathing evens out.
***
Sunday - 25th November, 1973
Sirius
Sirius is on his way to the Ravenclaw common room to see Xeno. He's brought Ayers along, so he can be reunited with his other half Fauntleroy (Xeno's gecko). Of course, Peter decided he would tag along too as soon as he discovered where Sirius was headed. Peter and Benji have barely spent an hour apart since they got together. Sirius is so happy for them - he's been listening to Pete fawn over Benji since the beginning of first year and has supported him the whole time. The only time Sirius doesn't find them wrapped up in each other is when curfew has passed. During those spare couple of hours in between curfew and the hour that they boys end up going to bed, Peter whines about not having his boyfriend by his side. He is very dramatic about the whole thing, but Sirius can't really judge him for his dramatics, can he?
Speaking of Sirius' dramatics. He is thirsty for blood.
Maybe he should explain.
The prank Black and his friends played on them was completely unexpected. They left it long enough that Sirius had begun to think they just... wouldn't retaliate. Stupid of him, he knows. He isn't upset over the fact he missed an entire day of lessons; he's actually quite pleased with that outcome. Sirius is pissed off by the effortless way the Slytherins managed to sneak into their dormitory (again) like a bunch of pilferers. It's getting ridiculous.
Also, Frank was in the hospital wing for almost a week after the prank. If Alice, Benji and Lily hadn't grouped together to find McGonagall and express their concerns about the missing boys, then it could have ended much worse. They were discovered around fourth period, but none of them woke up until the evening, just missing dinner; they were taken to the hospital wing once they were found. James was the first of them to wake up, shaking himself up from a nightmare and thoroughly frightening Lily and Madam Pomfrey, who were both nearby at the time.
Frank was the last of them to wake up, sleeping through until the following morning. It had taken Alice a lot of convincing to leave the infirmary the night before. Madam Pomfrey ended up having to result to threatening a detention and, for a moment there, Sirius thought Alice would take her up on the offer of a detention, but then Lily jumped in and pulled Alice from the hospital wing.
That was a week ago now. Sirius has been plotting with the other boys, they are trying to come up with their best prank yet, which they are quickly realising is going to be trickier than they anticipated. He thinks of the snakes prank they pulled, it's the best of their artwork (yes, it is artwork) and that was over a year ago. They really need to step up their game. They are now, officially, at war.
Sirius and Peter arrive at the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower. The eagle-shaped, brass doorknocker peers down at them derisively, as if they've just stolen it's eggs, and opens it's beak.
It asks them a riddle, just as it does for every other student expecting entrance to the Ravenclaw common room. "What belongs to you but is used more by others?"
Sirius thinks on that one for a minute. Beside him, Peter opens his mouth, as if to answer, but then frowns and closes his mouth. He looks at Sirius, a hopeful expression on his face. Sirius smirks.
"Your name," he answers.
The door swings open cautiously, as if it doesn't really want members of another house coming in, but also knowing it doesn't truly have a choice, since their answer was correct.
Confidently, Sirius strides in, Ayers perched firmly on his shoulder, tongue lolling out of his mouth. Xeno, Benji, Astro and Kingsley are sitting in a circle on the bare floor in the middle of the common room. Ravenclaws. They are so random. There is a perfectly nice, perfectly comfortable, perfectly empty couch only a few feet away from them.
Xeno spots the two Gryffindor boys and throws his arm up in an excited wave, almost taking Astro out with his hand. Sirius and Peter wave back. Benji turns his head and makes immediate eye contact with Peter. Sirius watches the boy's cheeks turn red before he jumps up off the floor and rushes over to his boyfriend. He wraps his arms around Peter's middle before lifting him up into the air in a tight hug because he is an absolute fucking giant. Peter giggles and leans down to press a kiss to Benji's cheek.
When Benji finally returns Peter to solid ground, he leans down and pecks Peter on the cheek, taking his hand and heading towards the exit already.
"Hello to you too, Benji," Sirius calls back jokingly.
"Hi, Sirius," Benji shouts back. Then, just before they are out of sight, he turns and smirks. "Bye, Sirius."
Sirius rolls his eyes, listening to Peter's joyful laughter from down the corridor now and smiling because he knows how happy his friend is. Sirius is so happy for him.
He sits down in the spot Benji had just been in, now between Kingsley and Astro, who are currently having either an argument or a very serious conversation about whether sugar quills or liquorice wands are a better sweet.
"Oh, sugar quills all the way," Sirius cuts in. The two Ravenclaw boys turn to look at him, neither of them looking impressed. He swallows and leans back a bit. Xeno makes eye contact with him from across the very cube-shaped circle and shakes his head at Sirius, a smile quirking his lips. Sirius just shrugs, widening his eyes, which makes Xeno laugh.
"Hey, guys, Sirius and I are going to hang out upstairs for a bit. Could you please avoid returning to the dormitory for an hour, at least," Xeno says before standing up. Sirius does the same and walks around Astro to stand by Xeno's side.
Astro looks up at the two of them, a frown taking form on his face as his eyes move between them both. "Okay," he mumbles before looking down at the floor.
Xeno's lips tip downwards a bit and Sirius is instantly worried by this. He has never really seen Xeno seem anything other than happy and relaxed before. He's always so... peaceful. He turns to Sirius and his grin is back, so Sirius decides not to bring it up for now.
They climb up the stairs to the boys dormitories and Xeno pushes through the door of his room, which he shares with Benji, Astro, Kingsley and some boy in their year called Kelton. Xeno sits down on one of the blue, circular pouffes in the room, gesturing for Sirius to take the one opposite. Sirius does after placing Ayers gently in Fauntleroy's tank and watching as the two geckos run towards each other. He grins and sits down beside Xeno.
"Go on," Xeno says and Sirius almost forgot that his friend knows absolutely everything about everyone. He knows everyone's deepest secrets and their worst fears, everyone's favourite person and happiest memory. It's a bit frightening honestly.
I know answers to questions about you, Sirius Tonks, that you wouldn't even think to ask.
Sirius remembers Xeno telling him that the very first day they properly met. It wasn't very long after that conversation that Sirius decided Xeno would be his friend. He is so lucky to have found Xenophilius Lovegood, he can't imagine what he would do without him.
"You've always known I would get here, haven't you?" Sirius asks, eyeing Xeno closely.
"Yes," he nods. "I am so glad that you have reached this point. Does anyone else know you like boys?"
"Only Marlene," Sirius admits, smiling at the honest glee on his friend's face. "I don't want to hide it though because... well, I couldn't really care less about what others think."
"Good," Xeno smiles proudly at him and Sirius feels as a warmth grows through his chest. "And how are you feeling with the whole Remus of it all?"
"You know about that, too?" Sirius grimaces as Xeno shrugs with a sheepish smile. Sirius sighs. "I don't know where it came from, but at the same time it's like I have always felt this way about him and I just had no idea until the thought slapped me in the face."
"I know what you mean," Xeno says.
"You do?"
"Yes, Sirius. Not with Remus, of course," he chuckles and Sirius finds himself laughing too. "Astro."
Sirius' eyebrows shoot up his forehead in surprise. Then, he smirks. "Astro? Oh, yes, I can totally see it."
"Me too." Sirius watches fondly as Xeno's cheeks turn red.
"So, did you always know I would feel this way about Remus? From the beginning?" Sirius asks.
"You know how we sort of met in primary school, even if we didn't talk much?" Sirius nods, gesturing for Xeno to carry on. "Well, there was this one time where our hands brushed when we were both reaching for our coats at home time and I had a vision. It was one of my first big ones, actually. You're very important, Sirius Tonks."
"Really?"
"Mhm," Xeno hums. "I saw me and you, so I knew we would one day be friends. I was waiting years for you to knock on my door."
"I'm sorry it took so long," Sirius says honestly.
"Oh, it didn't, it was the perfect time. I also saw you and I saw Remus, as well as James and Peter, and I just... knew. The way you look at him," Xeno's features soften, "and you handle him like he is the most precious thing you've ever seen. I knew it from the very moment I saw that."
"Do you know if..." Sirius stops himself. He knows he isn't supposed to ask anything about his future, nor anyone else's, especially people he knows very well. He wonders if there is any chance, a possibility perhaps, that he and Remus could be a something one day. Does Xeno know? He definitely knows the answer, Sirius is sure of that.
"Sorry," Xeno whispers.
"No, it's okay," Sirius quickly reassures him. He flicks his hair over his shoulder and smirks smugly. "If it doesn't work out, I'm sure I'll find someone else. Hey, maybe I can convince James to give it a try." He winks as Xeno bursts out laughing. "What's so funny?"
"Oh, nothing. Just... well, you'll see." Xeno breathes in deeply. "Spoilers."
Sirius shoves him lightly at this and rolls his eyes. He thinks he'll be hearing that word - spoilers -for the rest of his life. Xeno will never ruin anything of his future for him. It may secretly frustrate Sirius a bit at times, but he is mostly grateful that he has things to look forward to without knowing what could be waiting around the corner for him. He trusts Xeno and is glad that, in a way, he has an angel watching over him. In the past, present and the future. Xeno will always be here for Sirius, and Sirius will always be there for him.
Monday - 26th November, 1973
Sirius has double Muggle Studies on Monday, which he absolutely loves. It is probably his favourite subject, behind Transfiguration, of course. He might have spent his entire childhood in the Muggle world, but that doesn't mean he knows absolutely everything about it. For one thing, both of his parents are magical and still incorporated some level of magic into his life before Hogwarts, so they didn't do everything the Muggle way. Secondly, in their Muggle Studies class right now they are being taught about the first and the second World Wars, which Sirius has never learnt about before. It's fascinating as much as it is devastating. The youngest known soldier in World War One was only eight years old. Eight. Sirius can scarcely imagine fighting a war now, at fourteen, let alone at eight.
Wars aren't the only things they learn about in this subject, thank Merlin. They are also introduced to the Muggle invention of electricity. Gasp. Sirius doesn't even try to conceal his laughter at the sight of a dozen puzzled faces across the room as their teacher - Professor Palsley - attempts to explain how a television works. James, to Sirius' surprise, raises his hand when Professor Palsley asks anyone if they have ever seen a real television before. He beams, clearly proud of himself, since he is the only Pureblood in the room with his hand in the air.
Professor Palsley decides to focus in on James and meticulously questions him on what he thought of the interesting Muggle invention, to which James explains that he thought, at first, that it was a form of torture that Muggles used on other Muggles. Sirius laughed out loud at this, earning him a glare from the professor.
They then went on to learn about what else electricity could do, like cooking food and washing clothes, to which there were murmurs by other Purebloods in the room that all complained about what a fuss that must be. Sirius rolls his eyes. Then, they get handed out a worksheet that explains in great detail (Sirius feels he should point out it is entirely incorrect) where electricity comes from. It describes Muggles as harnessing celestial powers from the moon and the stars, in a similar way that witches and wizards do, and controlling it using long rods of metal called "transmission towers" (at least they got that one right), which are connected to wires made of unicorn hair that travel across the country and connect to everyone's houses.
"-and they call it... science," Professor Palsley says, gaping like he can't believe it is true (probably because most of what is written out on the sheet is absolute bollocks). Sirius can just imagine what his dad would say if he were here.
Peter rushes to copy down all of his notes, clearly very eager to learn more, even if it is all false information. Sirius can't find it within himself to tell him the truth. To be fair, for all Sirius knows, there could have been wizards involved in the discovery of electricity and what Professor Palsley is teaching them might actually be correct. Sirius has never actually looked closely enough at a transmission tower to determine how it works. So, he keeps his mouth shut and listens to every ridiculous word that comes out of their teacher's mouth, still chuckling silently to himself whenever something completely bonkers is said (like when their professor starts explaining how a freezer works by saying it is controlled by the weather outside, so it only works in the winter). Sirius wishes Remus were here, he would be getting a proper laugh out of this, too.
After Muggle Studies is over, it is lunch time and then Sirius has double Defence with Remus, Peter, Lily and Azalia. Xeno is also in his class this year, just like he had been the previous year. Today, Professor Shauna has them spending the first half of the lesson researching certain spells they will be practicing in the second hour of the double lesson, such as the Impediment Jinx, the Full Body-Bind Curse, the Freezing Charm and the Knockback Jinx.
They get into pairs when it is finally time to practice their new spells. Azalia goes over to Callum Greengrass and starts working with him, whilst Remus and Lily pair together, followed by Sirius and Peter. Sirius is used to working with Peter in Defence. Usually, before they put James in a separate class, Sirius and Peter would pair up and so would Remus and James, but now there is no James. A little part of Sirius wants to pair up with Remus. He doesn't want to leave Pete, but he does wish he could see that self-satisfied smirk that lights up Remus' face whenever he's bested Sirius at something, which has been a lot recently, as Sirius has found himself in a rather dreadful predicament that causes him to be distracted by every simple move made by Remus Lupin.
It is a pain in the arse.
Later on, Sirius, James and Peter find themselves in Divination for seventh period. Remus is a lucky sod - he doesn't have seventh period today. Black, Evan Rosier, and Barty Crouch are in this class with them, so Sirius spends the majority of the lesson sending glares, he hopes are powerful enough to itch at Black's skin, their way. Much to Sirius' irritation, none of them give him the time of day, electing to focus on the work in front of them instead. Black appears to be bored out of his mind, but he dutifully copies down everything their manic professor is saying. Crouch is staring off into space, his eyes void of all emotion. He hasn't even taken out any parchment or a quill from his bag. Rosier switches between scribbling down notes, not nearly as many as Black is beside him, and glancing worriedly in Crouch's direction.
Sirius wonders if Crouch's odd behaviour has anything to do with what happened between him and Alice in the Great Hall the day the Slytherins pranked them. Sirius had been devastated that he missed Alice going all bad-bitch on a Slytherin in front of the entire school. However, now he properly looks at Crouch for the first time in weeks, since Sirius' eyes are usually trained on his stuck-up little friend instead. He has dark-purple rings under his eyes, which droop and stare at nothing in the air. His mouth is pressed into a thin line and his hands are resting separately, face-down on each thigh. He isn't laughing too loudly like he usually is, nor is he eliciting any conversation from his friends.
Sirius finds that he's oddly... worried about him.
There's nothing particularly wrong with Barty Crouch Junior, other than the fact that he can be a bit obnoxiously annoying sometimes (but Sirius is like that, too), and he is friends with Regulus Black, of all people. Sirius isn't mad about the pranks, not when it comes to Barty and Evan. He thinks they are actually pretty cool, very creative too, especially the one where they enchanted all of the lions memorabilia in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory to come to life and attack them.
He just really doesn't like Regulus Black.
Sirius moves his eyes away from Crouch and tunes back into what their teacher is saying. She's blathering on about her adventures in Africa, where she had an odd vision one night about a tiger walking up to her on it's two hind legs and announcing that she would one day become a world-famous tightrope-walker. She then begins to explain how she has been working on her balance and has finally learnt how to stand on one foot for over five seconds without tumbling over. She gives them a demonstration and a wave of snickering rushes through the classroom.
Sirius laughs along with everyone else.
At dinner, Peter mentions inviting Sirius over for Christmas this year, so they quickly send off letters to their parents and send them off with random owls in the owlery after dinner. Afterwards, they return to their dormitory, Sirius and Peter fall into a game of exploding snap, whilst Remus complains at them for disrupting him whilst he is trying to do his homework.
James is the first in bed tonight, which is odd because usually he dreads having to go to sleep and ends up delaying it for as long as he can by pulling one of the other boys into conversation. Tonight, however, he rushes over to his bed, rests his glasses on his nightstand and closes his curtains with a gentle goodnight to the room.
Sirius hopes this means the nightmares aren't as frequent as they have been since the summer. James had told him it was because Harry's parents came to visit him over the summer to disclose the identity of Harry's killer to him after all these years. He knows his friend has been struggling with this information for months and that it has only increased the occurrences of the nightmares that deprive him of a good night's sleep.
Remus is the next to go to bed, deeming himself too tired to get any adequate-enough work done. He puts his books and notes away before stumbling back over to his bed and flopping down on it, groaning tiredly. In a sleepy voice, he mumbles a goodnight to everyone before waving his wand and silently closing his curtains. Remus has gotten rather good at casting silent spells recently. He can only do it with the simpler ones, but is still way more advanced than most fifth year Hogwarts students. Sirius thinks this is because of his lycanthropy. It's like a superpower.
He feels a familiar fluttering in his stomach as he whispers a goodnight back to Remus. Then, he waves at Frank and Peter before closing his own curtains and settling in for the night.
He dreams of a tawny-brown wolf with bronze eyes that twinkle in the moonlight like a pair of headlights that illuminate the way. A path that leads into a crack between the trees of a forest appears and Sirius glances at the wolf, raising an eyebrow at them as if they will understand him. The wolf seems to, bowing it's head and then lifting one of their paws as it begins to scamper forwards. He follows them, watching as the hair adorning their tail flutters beautifully in the subtle night-time breeze.
When the daylight begins to trickle through the cracks of the trees, the wolf finally stops. They look up at the boy in a way that makes his heart twist in his chest. Sirius blinks and the wolf is gone. In it's place, a boy lies gracelessly on the ground, covered in soggy moss, with twigs littering his hair.
Sirius blinks again and the dream disappears.
Saturday - 1st December, 1973
It isn't until the weekend that Sirius finally receives a response from his parents. He had begun to grow worried, especially with all of the horrific reports in the paper of Muggle and Muggleborn families being targeted and then attacked more and more every day. Sirius panics about this a lot when he's at school. His dad is a Muggleborn, which means he is in danger. Sirius has no idea what is going on with the world, but he knows it isn't good. Something is brewing; like a storm it resides thickly in the air, clogging his lungs and restricting his breath; existing electrically and causing the hairs on the back of his arms to stand up still.
He is hoping this isn't the beginning of something terrible.
It arrives at breakfast, along with all of the other post, which makes him think his parents planned to send it at this specific point on purpose. He isn't sure of the reason. Excitedly, he tears the envelope open as soon as he's acquired it (James feeds his parents' owl before sending it off kindly) and begins to read the letter.
Sirius
I hope you are doing well after your last letter. I know it is an impossible thing to ask, but try your best not to worry about us. We have had our house warded since we moved to Cornwall, so we are protected. You are safe, too, at Hogwarts, Sirius, so long as you don't leave the castle when you aren't supposed to. I know how you like to bend the rules to your will sometimes, but you need to be careful.
Your sister is doing just fine, we are hoping to see her in late February! She's been keeping me up until late hours of the night with all of her kicking around. Your dad says she might just be tripping over her umbilical cord, the clumsy little thing.
I am afraid you cannot go to Peter's this year for Christmas, darling. It is very important that you come home for this one as we have already got plans. Perhaps, next year you could go to Peter's or he could come to ours, whatever you boys prefer.
I wish you the best weekend, mon trésor, and I love you so very much (so does your father, he's cooking me breakfast as I write this - wish me luck, he's cooking eggs again). Send our love to your friends.
Love,
Mum
Sirius can't find it within himself to be upset about the rejection to his request to spend Christmas with the Pettigrews. He is so happy his parents are safe and that his little sister is not under any sort of threat. He wonders what they could have planned for this Christmas.
"Hey, Pete," Sirius says, catching his friend's attentions. Peter looks up from his copy of The Daily Prophet, mouth full of toast.
"Mm?"
"Mum said I can't come for Christmas this year, we've got plans," Sirius explains as he stuffs the letter from his mum in the pocket of his robes. "Sorry. She said we could do it next year though, and you can come to mine if you want."
"Oh, okay," Peter smiles. "Bummer."
"Yeah," Sirius agrees half-heartedly.
The boys spend most of the morning decorating their dormitory with the tinsel and colourful fairy-lights that Effie and Monty sent to James this morning at breakfast. He even got sent this little golem-elf-looking thing, which he places outside the bathroom, making a joke about it guarding the way to the loos. Sirius decides to take this to the next level by Transfiguring it to put out it's arm whenever someone goes to use the toilet and ask them what is their business. Then, it determines whether they can pass or not based on their answer.
Peter is the first to test the theory, not by choice.
Sirius cackles when Peter jumps back, startled by the moving, talking elf statue that is only as tall as his knee. It asks him what his business is and he huffs, trying to pass it, but it doesn't budge.
Peter groans. "My business is I need to piss and you, little-hairy-Muggle-goblin-man, are in my way."
The elf stares up at Peter with it's black button eyes, blinks, and then steps to the side, allowing him entry. Peter rolls his eyes and as he steps into the bathroom, he turns to Sirius and flips him the middle finger, slamming the door after him. Sirius laughs.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
mon trésor = my treaure (French)MENTIONS:
-Evan is having a little gay panic about Barty in a towel
-I love how only Pandora can call Regulus "Reggie" and he just lets her :(
-James and Frank being little Chaser Kings <3
-JEGULUS.
-It took James months to a year to tell his friends about Harry, but it took him less than six weeks of being "friends" with Regulus for him to tell him...
-Regulus being wise and comforting James ❤👑
-The Slytherin boys finally got their revenge, as they should. went a bit overboard though there, Bartemius.
-Alice and Barty 💔
-Things are about to get very rough for Barty, sorry guys 😔
-"The future isn't that simple." Well, ain't that the truth.
-Evan and Regulus' friendship <3 Barty and Pandora's friendship <3
-Peter and Benji !!!! <3
-Xeno and Sirius <3 "I was waiting years for you to knock on my door." Okay, sir, sorry he took so long ✋
-XENO LIKES ASTRO!! I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO FUCKING LONG TO SHARE THAT WITH YOU GUYS! SO LONG!
-reference to Nymphadora being a clumsy Queen. 👑
-Peter just wanting to piss and being blocked by a Christmas Elf is so funny to meI hope you guys liked this chapter and I'll see you next week! <3
Chapter 36: Third Year: It's Started
Summary:
Remus ends up in the hospital wing (again).
The Potters have a Christmas party.
Christmas morning gets ruined.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-a character has a seizure
-brief reference to discrimination (blood status)
-brief mention of a sick parent/parent dying
-mention of blood (quite descriptive)
-mild gore
-someone feels like they're going to be sick but they don't
-briefest mention of Walburga's shitty parenting
-brief mention of murder (a mother and her three children)
-brief mention people being tortured (cruciatus curse)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
All that bloodshed, crimson clover
Uh-huh, sweet dream was over
My hand was the one you reached for
All throughout the Great War
~ Taylor Swift
Wednesday - 5th December, 1973
Remus
Remus' morning begins when he is woken up by the grotto elf outside their bathroom; it shrieks as someone tries to pass it and Remus covers his head with his pillow, groaning into it as he rolls over to lie on his stomach. The elf doesn't stop its shrill screeching and is soon joined by a frustrated Peter who starts shouting obscenities at Sirius, who must be the person trying to enter the bathroom.
Frank's voice jumps in next and Remus tries his best to ignore it all. He fails. It sounds like Frank is trying to come between Sirius and Peter, who are now yelling at the top of their lungs at each other. Neither of them seem to notice the boy between them and just keep shouting at each other. James must still be asleep, somehow.
Growling, Remus sits up in bed, squeezing his pillow in his fists grumpily. He shoves it back on his bed, having to restrain himself from throwing it at the two idiots arguing in the middle of the room. Stepping out of bed, he makes his way over to the centre of the room where Peter and Sirius have fingers pointed in each others faces and Frank looks as exasperated as a mother of four. Remus comes to an abrupt halt in front of them all, his height seems to be pronounced in this moment as Sirius and Peter both fall silent and stare up at him with wide, fearful eyes.
"Good morning, Moony," Sirius tries, smiling charmingly.
"Is it?" Remus grumbles, glaring at them both. Frank slinks backwards and makes his way over to his bed silently, probably sensing Remus' foul mood. He winces at the sound of the elf, still howling in the corner like someone has just tried to steal it's firstborn. "Will you turn that fucking thing off?" He snaps at Sirius.
Sirius grimaces apologetically before waving his wand in the direction of the Christmas decoration. Peter sighs with relief but when he notices Remus' eyes on him, he stiffens.
"Well," Peter gulps, "how are you this morning, Remus?"
Remus clenches his jaw. Peter shrinks.
"How am I? Oh, just dandy. I only got woken up by a fucking elf and then had to listen to you two yelling at each other like a pair of old ladies. Now, I have a migraine, so thank you very much for your service this morning, boys." With a final huff, he turns on the spot, fully intending to march back over to his bed and nap for another hour or two. However, as he turns his back on the two boys, who still gape at him guiltily, his head begins to spin and his eyes grow dizzy. An acidic sickness grows in the pit of his stomach and starts to spread through his body, wrapping around his arms and legs.
"Sirius..." His voice comes out panicked. It's all he can manage before he's losing his grip on his consciousness and dropping to the floor. He begs his mind to wander to the farm; the trees and the crops; the horses and his mother's cooking; his father's hugs and Marie's warm smile.
"Remus?" Sirius says, before yelling a quick, "Remus!"
Just before Remus hits the floor, he feels a hand catch his head, arms wrapping around his shoulders gently.
Then, nothing but darkness and the warm glow of a farm miles away.
Remus dreams of the wolf. He dreams that it has escaped the shack and fled to the forest. It's paws fall softly against the floor of the woods, and at first Remus is confused by why it is moving so slowly. That is until the wolf turns it's head and Remus discovers it is not alone.
Shrouded almost completely by a blanket of shadows, a black dog stands only a foot or two from the wolf. It's eyes glow a silvery-grey under the moonlight, a colour Remus feels he would recognise were he in his right mind, rather than the wolf's. The dog paws at the ground between them and Remus follows the movement with his eyes, feeling as the wolf's ears spike up in interest. Then, the dog tilts it's head, watching him like it is expecting him to do something, but he doesn't know what it expects of him. He's never seen it before, they do not know each other. They are strangers.
He wonders if it is a stray from the forest.
It seems to know him, even if he does not know it.
Remus steps forwards, his mind clearer than it usually would be during a full moon. The dog keeps watching him with those illuminating, all-knowing eyes. It allows Remus to step forward until they are nose-to-nose. He expects the dog to fall back, perhaps cower before the wolf, but it doesn't. Instead, it moves forward just an inch, gently knocking their snouts together. Remus feels his heart skyrocket in his chest at the contact. He wants to feel it again.
The dog seems to read his mind, or maybe it is thinking the same thing. It steps forward once more and touches it's wet nose to Remus' wolf nose. They stand like that for a minute or two. Two canines in the heart of a dark, enchanted forest, standing beneath the harsh moonlight and the twinkling stars, eyes locked. Bronze and silver.
Feeling overwhelmed, Remus steps back, away from the dog. It smiles... if a dog can smile, it's tongue falling out of the side of it's mouth. Then, it leaps forward playfully, taking Remus off guard. It licks the side of his furry face before tackling him to the ground. The wolf lets this happen, playing with the dog right back, allowing it to tug at the fur at the top of its head.
When Remus wakes up, it is to a similar feeling. There's a warm body beside his own and something carding through his hair, making his head feel all tingly and relaxed. A smile makes its way onto his face and he leans closer to the body.
"Oh, you're awake?" Comes a voice before the hand is removed from his head.
Remus groans and reaches out a hand, searching for the person's hand. When he finds it - it's warm - he places it back in his hair and makes a noise of contentment before snuggling in closer.
"Okay then," someone chuckles, their chest rattling beneath Remus' cheek. As his consciousness slowly creeps up on him, it hits him that it's Sirius beside him. Remus wonders if any of their other friends are here right now.
Eventually, he blinks his eyes open, finding little light in his surroundings. He soon realises he is in the infirmary and the sky has become a deep blue, not quite black yet, which means it's probably dinnertime. Remus tries to remember what happened the last time he was awake. He remembers angrily stomping out of his bed this morning, yelling at Peter and Sirius, watching Frank sneak back over to his bed. Then, he remembers wanting to return to bed, only to feel the sudden splash of dread drip down his spine.
He had another seizure.
Excellent.
He discovers that Sirius is the only one present, which means the other boys must have been shunned out by Poppy. Remus is curious to discover how Sirius managed to convince her that he could not only stay, but also crawl into the bed next to Remus. Maybe she doesn't know about that second part.
Remus tilts his head up where it is leant against Sirius' chest and finds the boy already watching him. His eyes are wide and grey, just as they always are. His hand is currently sliding through Remus' hair; it feels amazing. Remus smiles up at him softly.
Sirius frowns. "I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"Stressing you out, giving you a migraine, waking you up. Take your pick," Sirius says with a sigh.
"Sirius, this wasn't your fault, so don't even try it. You know I can't control these things and neither can you." Remus watches as Sirius squeezes his eyes closed, his hand coming to an abrupt halt in Remus' hair. He finds he is oddly irritated by this and would like Sirius to never stop.
"Even if it wasn't-"
"It wasn't," Remus interrupts.
"Still," Sirius speaks softly, opening his eyes and staring at where his hand sits still in Remus' hair, "it feels like it was."
"Well, that sounds like a you problem to me," Remus says with a shrug. "I'm not going to go around blaming you or anyone else, so I don't see why you should."
"I hate seeing you like that," Sirius whispers.
"I'm sorry."
Sirius huffs a quiet laugh. "It isn't your fault. I just don't like watching you suffer and knowing I can't do anything to stop it."
Remus frowns. He watches Sirius for a moment longer before he pulls him closer and wraps his arms around the boy, hugging him tightly. Sirius rests his chin on top of Remus' head and hugs him back. His other hand resumes moving through Remus' hair.
"I know that if there was a way to stop it, you would be the one to figure it out," Remus admits in a whisper. He says it because it's true, because he really and truly believes it. If there was a way to stop all of this, Sirius would find it and he wouldn't stop until he discovered a way to do it. That's just who he is and Remus loves him for it.
"I love you," Sirius breathes into his hair, pressing a small kiss there. Remus feels his heart skip a beat. Sirius' heart is pounding.
"Love you, too," Remus promises.
Poppy lets Sirius stay until curfew, which is honestly much longer than Remus expected her to allow. Sirius tells him to get some rest before he leaves and Remus asks him to let the others know that he is okay and they should come and visit him tomorrow. Poppy said he would have to stay for another couple of days because the seizure was a more violent one that usual, so she wants to make sure he isn't going to have another. He would argue with her, but he is too tired to do so. Instead, he just nods and drifts back off to sleep.
Sirius isn't there when he wakes up.
Friday - 7th December, 1973
He doesn't get released until Friday morning. Poppy allows him to return to lessons since he didn't have anymore seizures following the original one. Lily meets him just outside the infirmary doors and they walk to Transfiguration together. Lily talks about how she is returning home for Christmas this year, having promised Snape that she would. Remus doesn't understand why she is still friends with the boy, especially after what James and Sirius told him happened at Slughorn's Halloween party, with Snape being an absolute arsehole to Lily.
"I think it will be good for me, you know," Lily continues with a determined smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "My mum is so lonely all year, with only Petunia as company, and I've heard she is never home. She is doing her GCEs and is always busy studying and whenever she isn't doing that, she's off out with her friends. I don't want my mum to be alone for Christmas just because Petunia doesn't care enough to actually spend time with her own mother."
"That's fair," Remus nods understandingly. "If you change your mind, you can always send me a letter in the post and my tad will come and get you."
"Thanks, Remus," Lily smiles sweetly before pulling him into an unexpected hug. It doesn't last very long, as they are in the middle of a very busy corridor. They continue walking until they reach the Transfiguration classroom, meeting Frank and Mary at the door. The four of them fall into conversation about what they will be doing this Christmas as they make their way to their seats. Frank explains that Alice will be visiting his house for the entire holidays - which he is very excited about.
"Didn't your mother give Alice the third degree last time she went around yours?" Mary asks.
"Yeah, Alice is a bit worried she'll do it again. She absolutely will do it again, but that's just... my mother," he replies with a sigh. "It sounds kind of bad, but I can tell she actually likes Alice. She smiled at her once, you know."
Mary gasps dramatically, eyes widening as she turns to look at Remus and Lily as if to gauge their reactions too. Remus snorts and Lily just sits beside him, looking amused. "She smiled at her?" Mary continues. "Well, now that is just absolutely the craziest thing I have ever heard. Augusta Longbottom. Smiling. Bonkers."
Frank laughs. "Oh, stop it. Trust me, if you met her, you would understand."
"I'm sure I would. Still, she can't be as terrible as some people's mothers can be."
"Yeah," Frank nods, agreeing. "She is quite lenient for a Pureblood, though I think that might just be the Gryffindor in her. She's no Walburga Black, I'll tell you that," Frank adds in a whisper.
Remus' eyes trail to the front of the classroom where Regulus Black is sitting with Pandora Rosier, Barty Crouch and Scarlett Stark. Barty and Pandora are conversing quietly, whilst Regulus and Scarlett seem to be watching them, every now and then turning to each other and whispering something before returning their gaze to their two friends.
"Isn't that Regulus' mother?" Lily asks.
"Yeah, she's absolutely terrifying," Frank says, eyes wide.
"James met her once, said the same thing," Remus adds. "If her howlers are anything to go by, then I'm sure I never want to cross paths with her."
"Luckily, my mother no longer gets invites to their parties, not since they found out we're," Frank raises his fingers like they are quotation marks, "blood traitors."
"Are the Blacks all really like that?" Lily chimes in, eyes jumping over to Regulus and then to Remus. He knows what she is thinking. He remembers their day in Hogsmeade and how Lily had brought forth the idea of Regulus and James secretly being friends. Remus hasn't discovered any further evidence to prove the fact yet, but he hasn't really been looking either. He meant what he said, James deserves his privacy. Remus just hopes he isn't befriending someone who might one day turn around and hurt him, whether that be because they are a blood supremacist or by literally harming him.
Frank hums. "I'm not so sure. Regulus didn't seem to have a problem with me when we spoke at one of the Black Christmas events before, but that was years ago. His cousin Narcissa was alright, too. The rest of the family though... I don't know, they all appeared to hold the same views as Regulus' mother."
Remus settles his eyes back on Regulus. He watches the boy who has perfect posture and who holds his chin up high like he thinks he is the most important person in the room. He examines the way Regulus interacts with his friends, through small smiles and monosyllabic answers, without touching them at all. Then, he remembers all of the things Regulus has done in the past that could be considered kind. A reason why James, of all people, would be friends with someone like him. He remembers when Lily was struggling to get him to the infirmary and so Regulus helped when he saw them making their way past him. He remembers how when Regulus snuck into their dormitory, he didn't do anything untrustworthy or cruel, even though he had the advantage to. Instead, he spoke to James, ended up hugging him. He remembers the small boy on the train who had looked to his friend for support, only to be denied it.
Remus remembers the hurt that flashed across Regulus' face in that moment. He doesn't think he will ever forget it.
He watches him now and he sees nothing but a mask. Perhaps, if he could see past the mask and the walls that Regulus has built up around himself, Remus would be able to see why James could possibly want to be friends with him.
After Transfiguration, Remus has Arithmency with Lily again. Then, he has Care of Magical Creatures, also with Lily, as well as James. They don't do much in either lesson, only copy down notes and wait in slow anticipation for the weekend to come. Remus spends break and lunchtime catching up on the work he missed over the last couple of days. Sirius and Lily help him out in the subjects he has with them, so he manages to finish going over all that he has missed before his double Potions lesson in the afternoon.
Remus has spoken to Astro a lot more over the last month or so since Astro told him about his mother. Since then, Remus has learnt that Astro spoke to Xenophilius about it, which has made him feel better. He also knows that Astro plans to go home for Christmas this year, so he can spend as much time with his mother as possible before their time together runs out. Astro never talks about what will come after, where he will go or what he will do when his last bit of family has run out. Remus never pushes him to speak about it though, knowing it must be difficult to even reach the thought of being left alone without any parents or family, without the only person he has always had in his life. It makes him sad watching Astro slowly turn more sullen with each passing day. Remus has noticed how the situation has been affecting not only his grades in class, but also his abilities on the pitch. Ravenclaw haven't won a single match this year, mainly because they haven't been able to prevent a single goal from the offending house from scoring because their Keeper is not in the right headspace to be thinking about something as futile as a soaring Quaffle.
Remus has begun to use Potions as a method of distraction for Astro, a way to clear his head of all thoughts of his sick mother and for him to just think about literally anything else. He asks him benign questions that no one truly wants the answer to, but Astro always has one ready for him. He speaks with him about Astro's friends and then about his own friends; Astro is always curious about them, especially James, who is apparently a complete mystery to everyone outside of their friendship group. Remus finds this hilarious because he remembers being on that side of it all, the side where he had no idea what was going through James' head. He recalls thinking James was strange back in first year, especially when he used to follow Remus around the school like a little lost puppy. That was until he found out the true reason behind why James was so quiet all the time, even though it was obvious there was a massive, firecracker of a personality hiding just beneath the surface. Remus is proud of himself for having the ability to dig through James' protective layer he used to hold around himself like a suit of armour. He is glad James has become more confident over the years, enough to laugh with them all now and to let himself actually be happy when he wants to be. He deserves to be.
Remus has seventh period today with Sirius. They haven't spoken much since the hospital wing a couple of nights ago. Only when Remus needed help catching up with his work. Ever since Remus had that odd dream about the wolf and a dog, he's had this strange twisty feeling in his stomach. It almost feels like anticipation, like he is waiting for something to happen, but that doesn't make any sense. He finds that he misses the dog, even if it doesn't really exist. He wishes it would visit him again in his dreams, but so far it hasn't. Every time he looks at Sirius, the dream comes rushing back to him, making his stomach flip around inside of him. He wishes it would stop. Now, he can't look at Sirius without feeling that familiar jolt of exhilaration he got from playfully tackling the dog in the Forbidden Forest. It's a bit addicting, honestly.
Monday - 10th December, 1973
Remus is not having a good day.
First off, he's got the moon to look forward to later. How lovely, right? He gets to spend his night in a mouldy, old building that looks like it's just waiting for one particularly harsh wind to come and knock it down. Then, he gets to transform into a man-eating beast and howl at the moon and scratch at himself all night. It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?
Secondly, he is supposed to be working with Lily in Defence since they always work together. However, today, Professor Shauna has paired them up herself. Remus knows this is because Avery and Alecto always partner up and create chaos.
Remus doesn't understand why she has to punish everyone just because the two Slytherins have to act so childishly. What's worse is Remus actually ends up having to work with Alecto. Pray for him, honestly.
Sirius is paired with Scarlett Stark and does not look happy about it. With a groan, he pushes himself away from the back wall of the classroom and moves over to the other end of the room where Scarlett is standing with Dorcas, Evan and Barty. Peter gets put together with Lily, which is so unfair considering Remus' predicament. Everyone else gets put with people from their own house, or at least people they are friends with. Remus feels oddly targeted.
They are supposed to be practicing the new spells they have been learning over the last term by duelling. Remus isn't usually scared of other people. He is a literal werewolf, he knows he is scarier than anyone else in the room. However, he has to admit, Alecto Carrow is frightening. As they get into their duelling stances, standing a few feet away from each other, Remus' gaze meets her cold, cruel one. There's a glint of insanity in her green eyes, something unhinged that, he knows for a fact, does not give a fuck about the rules their professor has set.
Remus is scared.
Professor Shauna counts down from three and Remus can only be thankful that Alecto seems to respect the countdown, rather than shooting before it. As soon as the number one exits their professor's mouth, however, Alecto is slicing her wand harshly through the air, using it as if it were a blade. Remus manages to raise a shielding charm before the curse hits him. She doesn't wait to cast another, it comes out a deadly orange, blazing like a wildfire.
Remus spins on the spot, using the skills they learnt last year from Senfast's duelling lessons. He uses the air like he is the master of gravity, moving fluidly through it and bouncing away from any spells and hexes coming his way. He shoots a few of his own, though barely any of them hit. Alecto seems to be competent when it comes to shielding charms, which is worrying. Remus manages to snatch her ankle at one point; his spell grabs it and tugs, pulling Alecto to the floor. She falls onto her back, but this doesn't deter her. Quickly, she brings her wand up and moves it in a circle before jabbing it out towards Remus. The spell is an icy blue now; from fire to ice. It hits him right in the gut, causing his body to shiver horribly. It doesn't hit him straight away, but a few seconds later he is scrambling to itch every inch of his skin. It feels like a thousand miniature ants are crawling up and down his skin, biting and pressing.
It doesn't last very long, which he supposes he should be happy about. However, it gives Alecto the advantage she must have been waiting and hoping for. She smirks evilly at him, that flash of insanity in full force, before pointing her wand at his right arm, the one he uses to hold his wand. It feels like something has shot out of the end of Alecto's wand, something ravenous, something that eats flesh. It grips his arm, tearing at his skin and then gripping his muscles. This is definitely not something they learnt in class and he can't remember what she said when she cast the spell, too busy itching away to pay attention.
It quickly becomes apparent that Alecto has broken the rules. Something red starts to grow across the sleeve of Remus' school shirt, beginning at his bicep and slowly running down his elbow and to his forearm. He drops his wand and uses his other hand to grip at his injured arm, feeling faint with the pain. The red soon turns black and Remus stares wide-eyed at his arm, racking his brain for any spell that could possibly do this to a person. He can't think of any. He can't think of anything at this point.
Instinctively, he glances up and looks across the room at where Sirius is duelling Scarlett Stark. She appears to be keeping up with him, giving as good as she gets. Scarlett gets the upper hand when, as if he felt Remus' eyes on him, Sirius' head snaps towards him. He is holding up a shield charm, so whatever Scarlett throws at him doesn't hit, but he isn't paying attention to her anymore. No, he's looking at Remus, at his arm. His eyes grow wide with panic and then fury as his gaze settles on Alecto, who now has Remus' wand in her hand and is jumping up and down manically.
Sirius turns to Scarlett and casts a spell that has her dropping to her knees before he disarms her. Remus watches it and tries not to think about the sticky feeling that has now consumed his arm.
Sirius chucks Scarlett's wand back at her before rushing over to where Remus is still gripping his arm painfully tight. He thinks he might vomit. It feels like someone has just torn straight through his skin and is sorting through his muscles like they are trying to find the correct one.
"What the fuck did you do?" Sirius yells to Alecto, coming up beside Remus and resting a gentle hand to his cheek. Remus barely registers this, nor much else, as the world around him begins to spin.
Sirius' shouts seem to finally alert the teacher, who makes her way over to the three of them and gasps when her eyes land on Remus' arm and his pale, clammy face.
"Mister Tonks, take Mister Lupin to the hospital wing immediately, please," Professor Shauna orders. Sirius nods like a knight who has just been given a dire quest. The professor then turns on Alecto and starts dishing out punishments, Remus doesn't catch what she says, but he imagines Alecto will be in detention for the entirety of next term.
"My wand," Remus says before they make it to the door.
"Oh, yeah," Sirius mumbles. He turns and casts an Expelliarmus towards Alecto, disarming her of both Remus' wand and her own. She glares at Sirius for this, but can't exactly do anything whilst Professor Shauna is telling her off. Sirius drops Alecto's wand on the floor, not bothering to return it to her. He holds onto Remus' wand with one hand and then uses his other arm to hold Remus up.
They make it to the infirmary in just less than ten minutes. Remus' arm begins to drip on the way there, leaving behind them a crimson trail. Sirius lets out a little noise of distress at this and Remus can't help but think it's adorable. He focuses on that instead of the pain he is feeling. He focuses on the little words of encouragement Sirius keeps mumbling, to himself or Remus, he isn't sure.
Poppy looks disappointed to see him back so soon. Remus knows how much it weighs on her to see him here so often; she hates having such a regular patient and it has nothing to do with her annoyance, but with the sadness she feels when she must continue to watch the same child suffer over and over again, whilst knowing there is nothing she can do to stop it.
Sirius settles Remus down on the closest bed to the door and Poppy rushes over quickly, a potion already in her hand. She tells Remus to remove his shirt and he does try to but once he's undone the buttons, he finds it difficult to get his arm out without using his injured one. It hurts too much when he tries.
"Sirius help out your friend," Poppy orders before chucking a potion down Remus' throat. It's a Blood Replenishing Potion - he knows because he has had dozens in the past.
Beside him, Sirius hesitates before reaching forward and gently pulling Remus' school shirt past his shoulder. It is easy to get his left arm out, less so to remove his injured one. Sirius winces and apologises about ten times and Remus can't find a way to tell him it's okay, too busy gritting his teeth together. Sirius chucks Remus' shirt on the floor and stares wide-eyed at Remus' now bare arm. The skin that should be there looks like it's eroded off and there's red everywhere. Remus feels his face pale.
"Poppy..." Remus murmurs, staring worriedly at his own arm. Poppy looks at it before bringing another vial out of her apron thingy. She unstoppers it and it looks like a little pipet. Poppy starts spreading the liquid across his arm, it's green and looks a bit like slime. Remus recognises the scent of it as Dittany.
He groans as his skin sews back together, it burns. Reaching out a trembling hand, he clutches onto Sirius' hand, feeling his fingers between his own. Sirius squeezes back just as hard, smiling reassuringly at Remus which helps.
Poppy is able to clean him up quicker than Remus thought she would. His skin is littered in little scabs and scars now, nothing new really. He knows most of the smaller cuts won't scar even though they were clearly cursed. Poppy interrogates them both after, asking them what happened and who was behind it. Remus explains what Alecto did and how Professor Shauna had been dealing with it when they were leaving the classroom. She tuts.
"It's kids like those who should be expelled. They think it's fun, using magic to harm others," Poppy shakes her head, disgusted. "Magic is supposed to be beautiful, not used to burn the world to ashes."
Sirius and Remus share a look. Is Poppy referring to what has been happening in the papers? All of the attacks that only seem to increase with each passing month. Remus knows Sirius hasn't stopped worrying about his parents, especially because his dad is a Muggleborn and those seem to be the people who are being targeted, as well as Muggles. Remus hasn't stopped worrying about his mam, even his friends back home. Remus' tad used to have a high position in the Ministry, that was until he found himself on the wrong side of a werewolf, who took it out on his son. He used to be quite well-known in the Wizarding World, especially by those who were a bit controversial, since he used to fight against werewolves and their rights. This hasn't skipped Remus' mind. He knows his father is a scapegoat and for that he might be targeted, as well as his family. Especially because Remus' mother is a Muggle. That only puts them more at risk.
Remus feels Sirius' hand flex where it's still being held tightly between his own fingers. He glances down at their conjoined hands and then pulls his hand back suddenly. He clears his throat.
"I think it's time you return to your lesson now, Mister Tonks," Poppy says. Remus turns to look at her at the same time Sirius does. "Make sure to let your professor know that Remus is well, but he shall be spending the rest of the day and perhaps the night in the infirmary."
"Yes, ma'am," Sirius grins, saluting her. Poppy rolls her eyes before leaving the two of them alone. Sirius turns to him, his smile softening. "See you tomorrow morning, Moony. I hope tonight goes alright for you."
"Thanks, Sirius," Remus smiles. "See you tomorrow."
The moon is more terrible than he could have imagined. The transformation seems to stretch his newly-healed arm far too much, the skin pulls taught before ripping itself open again. Remus screams agonisingly at the pain. His vertebrae click and then pop out of his skin next, before realigning itself and forcing itself back into it's place. Fur stretches up his skin, itchy and painful where his arm is injured. Remus tries not to think about it, but it is very difficult to do so when it is actually happening.
He passes out before the transformation is even complete, which hasn't happened since he was ten. It's a relief, not having to suffer through the hot lick of pain that had begun to slice it's way up his entire body.
When Remus wakes up the next morning, he is already in the hospital wing. Again.
***
Sunday - 16th December, 1973
James
James fidgets where he is sitting, his tailbone feels like it's been hit with a hammer. He doesn't recommend sitting in a bathtub for an hour straight. Remus is sitting across from him, back to the tiled wall and legs flung over the edge of the tub. He looks comfortable like that, maybe James should try it. He squirms for a bit longer, trying to find a position that doesn't make him lose feeling in his butt.
"We should probably get going soon," Remus says, watching him with an amused expression on his face. "The train's at eleven."
"Yeah, I know." James mirrors Remus' position, finally feeling a semblance of relief on the back of his legs. He lets his head fall back against the wall, it rolls to the side to look at Remus. "At least, you don't have to worry about the next full moon until we're back at school. It's easier for you here, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Remus nods. He is subconsciously tracing the letter C on top of the cold tap with his fingertip. "At home, I have to be chained up to keep my parents safe. It's gross and lonely in the shack, but at least the wolf has a bit more space to roam about. It's still not exactly happy though."
"It would be better if the wolf had some friends, wouldn't it?"
"Probably, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone else," Remus says with a bitter laugh. James doesn't correct his friend by explaining that his wolf wouldn't necessarily have to be around another wolf, but could find company in other animals too. He doesn't want to accidentally give away their plan by planting the idea in Remus' head. They - James, Sirius, Peter and Lily - discussed whether they would share the idea with Remus or not before even attempting it. However, Sirius suggested on the latter, too afraid that Remus might tell them it is too dangerous. James knows he would risk his own safety if it meant somehow soothing Remus' pain during the full moons; the others agreed, so they must have felt the same way.
They join the others in the common room a quarter of an hour later and they all head down to Hogsmeade's train station together. James walks arm-in-arm with Mary and Lily, listening as they both chatter away about their holiday plans. Lily is hoping to spend most of her time off with her mother, maybe even her sister if she is ever home. She also has plans to see Snape, to which Mary and James share a look of dislike. Lily doesn't catch it.
Mary tells them about how her parents have booked for them to stay in a lodge in Alaska for the first half of the Christmas holidays. They'll return the day before New Year's Eve, right in time for Lily to come and visit for the new year. James pouts at this news.
"Does that mean neither of you will be at our Christmas party this year?"
"Sorry, Potter, but Alaska awaits," Mary smiles apologetically, bringing her hand up to ruffle James' hair. He tuts and pulls out of her grasp, running further down the snowy hill. Mary rushes after him, chasing him through the icy weather, most of the way to the station. When she finally catches up to him, she jumps at him and James catches just behind her knees, so that he is giving her a piggyback. They carry on like this all the way to the station, Mary making comments here and there about how James is her noble steed.
James only puts her down when they reach the train, offering one of his hands to help Mary onto the train. She takes it gracefully, offering him a particularly posh thank you.
"Why, you are welcome, my lady," James returns, just as obnoxiously pompous as she had been. Mary giggles before pulling James into the train with her. Their friends are not long after them. James turns to see Lily walking between Remus and Sirius, he can't remember separating from her, but he supposes they lost her on their way down the hill.
Mary walks in front of the rest of them, rubbing her hands together every now and then and letting out a shivery breath, commenting on how chilly it is. She's wearing fluffy, white earmuffs that barely fit over her curls.
When they find an empty compartment, they all try to squeeze into it, but some of them end up spilling over onto the floor. Sirius jokingly sits in Peter's lap and is immediately pushed onto the ground. He gasps dramatically before going over to Marlene and sitting on her instead. She just snorts before adjusting Sirius' position and then lets him sit there. He sends a smug look Peter's way.
Alice and Frank decide to sit on the floor together and eventually Azalia gives up her seat to Remus, arguing that she wants to sit with Alice and Frank anyway when Remus protests. James pulls him down into the seat, saying he should rest. The full moon was less than a week ago, meaning Remus must still be feeling pretty terrible. James wants to make sure he is as comfortable as possible.
Benji and Peter are sitting side by side, snuggled up together in a corner. Beside them, Mary and Lily are chattering away about something or other. James grins at no one in particular, just enjoying the abundance of people around him. These are all his friends. There are so many of them. And yet, there's still one missing.
About halfway through the train ride, James excuses himself, saying he needs to go to the toilet. It isn't exactly a lie. He does need to go to the toilet. And if he just so happens to walk past Regulus' compartment on the way there, so what? It will just be a happy coincidence - especially if Regulus decides to leave his compartment and follow James. Now that would be a lovely coincidence.
James, unfortunately, does not find Regulus on the way to the toilet. He is pouting by the time he gets there and, to make it even worse, there is already someone occupying it. James sighs and waits patiently outside for whoever is inside to come out. It doesn't take very long for the door to click open. James stands to the side, allowing the person to walk past him, but they don't. Instead, they stand in the doorway and stare at him.
"Oh, hello," James says, a smile immediately jumping to his face at the sight of Regulus. Now, this definitely is a coincidence.
Regulus takes in their surroundings and when he discovers no one is around, he looks back at James. "Hello."
James rolls his eyes, still grinning. "It's almost as if you don't want anyone to see us together."
"The horror," Regulus returns sarcastically. His lips quirk slightly and James instantly decides he is going to try and turn it into a smile.
"The public would deem it a hallucination before believing it to be true. Regulus Black and James Potter, treating each other amicably. What has the world come to?"
Regulus looks like he is about to smile, but he hides it by diverting his gaze to the ground. James frowns at this.
"Got any plans for Christmas?" James asks once the silence between them has stretched on a little too long. It isn't uncomfortable silence; it never is with Regulus. He just likes to hear Regulus' voice, for some reason he finds it calming.
"My mother will be throwing her annual Black family ball," Regulus grimaces, looking to be on the verge of rolling his eyes. "If my father isn't too busy with work, I'll probably spend most of my time with him. I'll likely see Scarlett at some point, since our mothers are obsessed with getting us together as much as possible." He sighs as if this isn't a good thing and James has to take a moment to process this. Does Regulus... not want to be marrying Scarlett? James hadn't considered that before. Perhaps that isn't it. Maybe he just doesn't like the idea because it is his mother's and he clearly appears to hold a high amount of dislike for her. James can't blame him, honestly. He met Mrs Black and she was absolutely fucking terrifying. He can't imagine having a woman like that as his mother.
"What about you?" Regulus asks, his eyes are now back on James.
"Oh, umm." James swallows, apparently having forgotten his plans for the next two weeks. No, really, he's completely forgotten. Shit.
"Potter?" Regulus raises an eyebrow, a spark of amusement in his eyes.
"I've forgotten," James admits sheepishly. Regulus smiles again and this time he doesn't even try to hide it as he lets out a breathy chuckle. "It's Christmas."
"Well done, Potter. Ten points to Gryffindor."
"Oh, shut up," James snorts. "You know what I mean. It's Christmas, so I'll spend most of my time with my parents. We're also having a party, on Christmas Eve, so I'll get to see most of my friends."
"Yours already sounds more fun than mine," Regulus comments, leaning back against the closed door to the bathroom. James doesn't think he needs to use it anymore.
"That's probably true, but yours will definitely be more entertaining. I remember going to a bunch of stuffy Pureblood events as a child and I hated them but, if I remember correctly, the gossip there was always high quality." Regulus raises both eyebrows now, a judgemental look crosses his face. "Don't look at me like that. I'll have you know, it was very entertaining stuff."
"I bet," Regulus nods sardonically. "How come you don't go to all the stuffy Pureblood events anymore?"
James goes to answer but the smile falls off his face as he realises what his answer will be. Regulus picks up on the way his expression plummets to the floor and understanding dawns on him.
"Sorry," he whispers.
"No, it's okay," James replies, reaching out like he is going to reassuringly pat his shoulder or something. His hand doesn't make it there though because James stops it before he can make contact with the boy in front of him. He drops his hand. "I don't think my parents enjoyed them much either, so we just... never went back."
"I wish my mother cared less about appearances and expectations, then perhaps I wouldn't be dragged along to those stuffy Pureblood events with her."
"Are you going to be okay?" James blurts out before he can stop himself. He bites his lips into his mouth as soon as he's said it, regretting the words immediately.
"I'll be fine, James," Regulus promises and James barely even notices the use of his first name, his worry too all-consuming.
"Are you sure? I could write to you, or-"
"No," Regulus cuts in quickly and James closes his mouth. "Do not write to me, James. No matter what, you can't. If she finds out that we're- that I've spoken to you, she will be even worse. Please, don't write."
"Okay, I won't," James pledges, even though he hates the idea of leaving Regulus all alone with no one but his parents for a whole two weeks. As much as James doesn't like Scarlett, he is relieved Regulus will have someone there at times to speak to. James knows Regulus' father isn't terrible, not like his mother, so maybe Christmas won't be so bad anyway. "And you? Will you try and... I don't know, remain off her radar?"
"You make it sound like it's some sort of quest," Regulus huffs out a small laugh.
"If it makes everything easier, you can view it that way," James suggests. "Promise me that I don't need to spend the next two weeks worrying about you."
"You shouldn't anyway," Regulus mutters, mostly to himself. His eyes jump back to James' and there is something powerful behind them. "I swear it. On my star."
"Thank you," James sighs, relief flooding through him. It isn't exactly promise, nor is it enough to satiate James' worry for the boy, but it will do for now. He knows he will spend the holidays worrying about Regulus, even if nothing bad happens to him. It's what James is best at - worrying.
Friday - 21st December, 1973
James might have broken his promise. Did he even promise? Technically not, he just said he wouldn't. But he has. James has written a letter to Regulus every single day since the last time he saw him. He hasn't sent any of them, of course. He has wanted to, every single day, but he hasn't and he won't. He doesn't want to put Regulus in any more danger than he is already in. So, instead, James keeps them safe in the bottom of his sock drawer. No one will find them there. Who thinks to look in someone's sock drawer? No one. So, that is where he keeps them.
He writes to all of his friends and gets responses in return. Mary is enjoying Alaska immensely and even sent James a small Muggle picture of Mary posing with her little sister Charlotte in front of a very snowy mountain. They were both pulling funny faces at the camera, making James laugh. Lily has sent him a letter every other day, most of them containing her complaints about Petunia and Snape. James doesn't understand why she would waste her time on them if they are truly as horrible as she makes them out to be. Though, he supposes, they are her family. Family can be hard to let go of, no matter how awful they are.
Remus sent him a letter a few days ago. Apparently, Marie is very fond of his new hairstyle, but Cara keeps making fun of it. James already knows about this though, since he's been sending letters to Cara all school year. She told James in confidence that Remus' hair actually looks really cool, but that he can never tell Remus she said that. He promises that he won't.
James hasn't heard anything from Sirius, so he hopes his friend is okay. He knows Sirius' parents had something planned for him when he returned home at the beginning of the holiday. Sirius is probably busy with that, whatever it is.
Peter has written to him a couple of times. Benji is staying at the Pettigrews this Christmas, so Pete has been pretty preoccupied with that. James doesn't blame him, he should be enjoying himself, he deserves it. Frank sent him a letter yesterday explaining that his mother hasn't been acting as cold towards Alice as she has in the past. He is hoping this means his mother has warmed up to Alice. James hopes that is the case for his friend, too. Azalia sent him a brief note a couple of days into the holiday, letting him know how terrible it is at the orphanage she grew up in. She decided to go back for Christmas this year, since she apparently promised one of the younger kids that lives there that she would be back to spend the magical day with them. James thinks that's sweet; he knows how much Azalia hates that place.
To his surprise, James even gets a letter from Marlene. They've gotten a little bit closer this year, mostly speaking about Quidditch and Defence, since they both enjoy those subjects the most. James had been shocked to discover that behind her shy mask, Marlene is a very lively person. She acts more confident when she is around Mary and Lily, which James finds adorable. It's also meant he has finally gotten to know her properly. At the bottom of her letter, there are little scribbled notes from her brothers to James, as well as from Fabian and Gideon.
Other than keeping in regular correspondence with his friends, James has been spending most of his time in the house with his parents or helping Mollie out with the laundry. He discovered his mother quit her job about a month ago, which had been a massive surprise to James. He knows how much Effie loved her job. She said she didn't have time to maintain it anymore, not with all of the other things keeping her busy. James had no idea what that meant when she told him. Surely, her life is less busy now that James is off at Hogwarts all year long.
That isn't the only peculiar thing that has been going on. James' parents leave James alone at the house every couple of nights with only Mollie as company. They never tell him where they go and when he asks, he never gets any straight answers. Not only that, but his parents always act very distant before they leave, like they are trying to shroud themselves in the masks of other people.
It's weird and confuses him, but he eventually stops asking about it when his parents never truly answer his questions. He has tried asking Mollie, only to get more half-answers. He has decided it isn't worth it anymore. If they want to tell him, they will.
James now spends the mornings baking with his mother and the afternoons in his father's lab, helping him out with the new produce for his hair care company. James came up with the idea of using aromatherapy by mixing certain scents together, such as using lavender to boost people's melatonin levels and help them sleep easier. That was only one idea, there were others such as using eucalyptus and ginger for people who were sick and then rosemary to help relieve stress. He feels very smart when his father applauds him for the idea and decides to actually use it, rather than just say it's good and then forget about it immediately. He used to that a lot when James was little as a way of encouraging him. It used to make him feel bad until he realised his father did it to make him feel more confident in himself. It had worked for a time, until some other things got in the way and James fell back into himself, all traces of confidence gone.
James can feel that lost sense of confidence slowly blooming in him again now. Ever since he's attended Hogwarts, he has felt more comfortable with himself. It has been a slow process, and is definitely not over, but it is developing. James no longer feels the need to hide himself away from the world anymore, nor does he follow his friends around like a stray street-hound begging for food. He finds it easier to speak his mind, laugh when Peter does something silly, joke around with Sirius when he is in a particularly dramatic mood, and share how he is feeling with Remus.
Yeah, it is all getting easier, day by day.
James hopes it stays that way.
Monday - 24th December, 1973
"James, I get you are excited, sweetheart, but stop jumping on the furniture!" Effie yells, her voice holds nothing but warmth even as she chastises her son.
"Sorry, mum. Can't." James pants as he continues to hop up and down on one of the sofas. He jumps into the air again but this time he doesn't drop back down onto the couch. Mollie is now standing in front of him, her hand raised towards him. She slowly moves it to the side and James goes with it. She drops him on the floor gracelessly.
"Ouch," he moans, grabbing his elbow. "Mollie!"
"Master Jamie sir was being naughty," Mollie shrugs. "Mollie is doing what Mollie must."
James huffs in response before getting up and helping his mum rearrange the couch cushions that he just messed up. He can't help it. He hasn't been this excited for something in ages. Last year was great and he just knows this year will be even better. All of his friends are coming to his house! It's also been a year since he kissed Lily, which is a bit awkward, but he's trying not to think about that. He is sad she won't be here this year. Or Mary. Or Azalia. He wishes they could all just be together for once. Everyone else will be here though and Sirius is bringing Xeno with him.
Guests start arriving as soon as the sky has grown dark. They have decorated the garden too this year, now it sparkles with fairy lights and there are a few mini Christmas trees littering the place, making it look more festive.
Marlene is the first of their friends to arrive, she comes with her parents and brothers, who also brought their other halves. Gideon and Fabian arrive at the same time they do, along with Arthur and Molly. James makes his way right over to Arthur, who was by far the best Head Boy they have had since he's gone to Hogwarts. He tells him this and Arthur chuckles jovially before thanking him. They end up talking about James' Muggle Studies class, which Arthur appears to be extremely fascinated by. Molly rolls her eyes fondly at her husband. Eventually, they move onto the fact that Arthur and Molly are now parents. James can't even believe that. He went to school with these people and they have a kid already!
Molly eventually drags Arthur off towards Effie and Monty, explaining that whilst James is very lovely they should probably go and greet their other hosts before they appear rude. James doesn't mind, he ends up finding Marlene with her older brother Bobby, who is beside Sybill Trelawney. James can remember her briefly from his first year at Hogwarts. Marlene had once caught Bobby and Sybill kissing and, at first, hadn't been very happy about it, but now she speaks to Sybill kindly and James can tell she likes her. People at school used to refer to Sybill as "Crazy Sybill", which he thinks is a bit unfair. Just because she has a passion for Divination, one that James will never understand on a personal level because he definitely does not have any talent for the subject, doesn't mean she is crazy.
The guestlist is double the size it was the previous year. James doesn't even recognise half of the people in his house at the moment. There are so many new faces and he wonders if his parents have known these people for years or if they are all new friends.
Followed by the McKinnons and Prewetts are the Pettigrews and Benji. Then, Frank and Alice, as well as Mrs Longbottom. After them, the Bones twins from their year year group show up with their parents. James hasn't spoken to Amelia or Edgar much in the past couple of years since they have been going to school together. It's nothing against them, they just haven't crossed paths much. Still, James greets them as if they have all been friends for years and welcomes them to his house. He offers them a drink and then asks if they would like to hang out with the rest of them, which the twins eagerly agree to.
Remus is the next to appear through the floo, followed shortly by his mother and father, who both greet James cheerfully. Hope pulls him into a warm hug and then comments on how much he's already grown since the last time she saw him. James is so happy Remus is here, he's missed him so much, even though it's only been a week and a day since he last saw him.
It isn't long after the Lupins arrive that Sirius and his parents show up, Xeno along with them. James immediately jumps over to Andy and gives her a big grin before looking down at her belly. James knows that she only has another two months to go before Sirius' little sister is here, but she looks like she could give birth now. He compliments her and tells her she is glowing, to which she chuckles and says he is flattering her.
"She already knows how amazing she looks," Ted says with a snort. "Very vain, just like her son."
James laughs and looks over at Sirius, who is smiling but it doesn't reach his eyes, not like it usually would. James wonders what is wrong because he knows there is something wrong. Before he is able to ask, however, Xeno starts speaking.
"You have a very beautiful house, James. Very large. Oh! Is that Benji I see? Let's go say hello." He grabs Sirius' hand and leads him over to where the rest of their friends are grouped together in the main sitting room. It's much more crowded in there now, adults James has never met swarming the place. He might be mistaken, but he thinks he might have even spotted Dumbledore earlier. He doesn't know what the headmaster would be doing at his house, but he decides not to question it. There are so many faces he doesn't recognise these days.
"We're going to go and say hello to your parents, James," Andy says, smiling down at him, but there's a lingering sadness in her expression that has James panicking there is something wrong with her, too. Sirius' parents make their way through the crowd towards James' parents, so he returns to his friends. Sirius is smiling more brightly now, listening to something Remus is telling him. Peter, Benji and Xeno are nearby, all listening too, laughing when Remus says something particularly funny.
James laughs with them, but he can't help but feel a lingering sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. There is something wrong with Sirius and maybe with his parents, too. James wants to help, but he doesn't know how.
They spend the next hour or so catching up and eating as much as they can without being sick. At one point, Peter eats too many sweets and ends up experiencing a sugar rush that has him dancing manically around the room with Sirius and Benji. They sing Christmas songs at the top of their lungs, a few adults joining them. James is almost certain those adults are drunk.
James spots Dumbledore again late into the night and watches the headmaster curiously. He doesn't understand why Dumbledore would be here of all places on Christmas Eve. Doesn't he have a family to go home to? James thinks he remembers his father mentioning Dumbledore's brother once or twice. He owns a bar in Hogsmeade, not The Three Broomsticks, but the sketchier one down the road. Maybe they don't get along. James can't see why else Dumbledore wouldn't be celebrating the holiday with his brother.
Dumbledore is standing beside a man who resembles a grizzly bear. He is very tall and stocky, his face is littered in small scars, except for a big one that cuts down his jaw and onto his neck, disappearing beneath his shirt. He's got two beady dark eyes that dart around the room in a paranoid manner, as if he is waiting for an attack to come sailing through the window at any moment. James watches the man, feeling unease grip at him. He isn't grinning like you would expect someone to at a social Christmas party. He has a permanent frown - almost a scowl - on his face.
Remus comes up beside James, his eyes following James' gaze. He hums pensively before saying, "That's Alastor Moody. He used to work with my tad, but eventually became an Auror around the same time my dad left the Ministry. He's come around the house once or twice over the years. Strange man, very distrustful."
"What is he doing here?" James asks, eyes still on the man. Alastor Moody. What an odd name.
"He's probably friends with your parents," Remus explains, pointing in the direction of Moody and Dumbledore, who are now approaching Effie and Monty. "He may be a distrustful man, but he is trustworthy. He knows about me. He put up the original wards in our basement during the first couple of months, taught my dad how to put up stronger ones."
James turns to Remus. "I have a bad feeling about him."
"Yeah, he does give that impression," Remus nods, also turning to look at James. "But I promise you, he is a good man."
James doesn't reply, not knowing what else to say. No matter what Remus says, he doesn't trust the strange man. He can't help but shake the feeling that there's something off about him. James thinks he will see him again in the future. He hopes he doesn't. Hope isn't always reliable though.
The rest of the night passes much the same as it had last year. James sings and dances with his friends, he eats way too much food and falls asleep as soon as his head hits his pillow.
Tuesday - 25th December, 1973
The next morning, James wakes his parents up at the crack of dawn. It doesn't matter how old he gets, he will do this every year. He thinks, even when he is an adult he will do this. He wants to spend every single Christmas with his parents.
His parents watch him rip through his presents like a ravenous wolf would a steak. He thanks them for all of his presents, loving them all. His absolute favourite though is his new broomstick. It's the new Nimbus 1962, so it's the fastest broom on the market. James grins giddily before crushing his parents into a tight hug. He receives presents from his friends too and watches as his parents open things their friends got for them. He also gets them presents every year, but it never feels as special as it should because he uses the family money to do it. So, he is literally just spending their money to get them things. It's a bit futile but the act still puts smiles on their faces, so he does it every year.
James made sure to get something for Mollie too. He never gets her clothes, fearing what she would do to him if he did. Instead, he gets her a little trinket every year, something to make her living space more her own. This year, he had asked Sirius to bring him a snow globe from Andy and Ted's shop. It's only a small one, the perfect size for Molly. Inside it, there is a little house with yellow-painted windows as if the lights are always on. When he shakes it, snow topples about and eventually lands on the roof of the tiny house, littering it with snow.
When James offers it to Mollie, she sobs into the bottom of his jumper. He pats her head in a friendly manner, waiting for her to calm down. He is glad to make her happy but he wishes they lived in a world where something as simple as a Christmas present didn't make her cry her eyes out.
Mollie sets up breakfast for them at the dining table. There is a really small Christmas tree in the centre of the mahogany table, on either side of it there's a short length of tinsel that brightens up the place. The table cover is red and has silver reindeers spread over it. James thinks it's beautiful. He has always loved reindeers.
With his breakfast, Mollie brings a copy of The Daily Prophet to him, passing one to each of them. Sirius usually says it makes him look like an old man, but James enjoys reading the newspaper in the morning whilst he is tucking into his breakfast. It helps wake him up, focusing on reading and processing the words. Plus, there are always odd and interesting stories in there that make him laugh.
Today, however, he doesn't laugh when he picks up the paper. No one does.
Expecting to see some jolly front cover about how it is finally Christmas day, James is mildly disappointed when he spots a skull on the front cover instead. He stares at it for a moment in confusion and then reads the title. It says:
MUGGLE FAMILY OF FOUR MURDERED ON CHRISTMAS MORNING
James puts down his forkful of syrupy pancake, his appetite vanishing. He stares at the front page, his eyes widening the more he reads on. His parents haven't picked up their copies yet, so they don't know what has happened. Apparently, it was a single Muggle mother and her three sons. The eldest son had shown signs of accidental magic and his name had shown up in the Book of Admittance (which is a book of all children around the world with magical potential; these children would be considered for attendance at whichever magical school they live closest to). They were killed in their house in the early hours of the morning and Muggle authorities could not determine a cause of death. When Ministry officials later came in, they discovered all four of the bodies showed signs of suffering from the Cruciatus Curse before being killed with the Killing Curse.
There was a symbol left above their house, something James doesn't recognise. A skull with a snake slithering through it's gaping mouth. In the picture it's light grey, but the article describes it as having been green.
James feels sick. He puts the newspaper down, not realising until after he's already done it that he has put it on top of his pancakes.
"James?" His mother calls his name, her voice tinged with worry.
James glances up at her, his mouth dropped open but no words spilling out. His father frowns at him and then his copy of the paper that is still growing sticky in James' pancakes. Then, Monty is picking up his own newspaper. James watches his father's face as he reads what James has just read.
Monty swallows, a dull queasiness taking over his features. He places his copy of The Daily Prophet on the table beside his plate and turns to his wife.
"It's started," he announces and James watches as his mother's face drops in shock. She quickly looks over to James and then to the table, her eyes suspiciously wet. She clenches her jaw a moment later and gazes up at her husband, her face nothing but determined.
"So, let's end it."
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
tad = father (Welsh)
mam = mother (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-never wake Remus Lupin up before his alarm
-Remus' dream about the dog and the wolf <3 it's like Sirius' dream from the last chapter
-wolfstar, my babies ❤
-GCEs are important exams that used to be taken in the UK at the age of 15-16 (nowadays, these exams are called GCSEs)
-I've missed Mary so much
-Remus can't look at Sirius without his stomach flipping.. how can someone be so oblivious?
-I love the idea that Sirius has like a sixth sense that tells him when Remus needs him, they're so cute :(
-Alecto is a bitch. how dare she hurt Remus!
-Mary and James' friendship <3 Marlene and Sirius' friendship <3
-James and Regulus are friends, guys. they're friends. oh, I'm so happy :D
-James wrote a letter to Regulus every day :( I'm not crying, you are
-James' character deevelopment <3 I am so proud of him
-Mollie is a Queen 👑
-Arthur and Molly mention!!
-we will find out next chapter what is wrong with Sirius (I am so excited!!)
-Moody, I see you 👀
-Did I research the history of broomsticks? Yes. They were invented in the century 900 and I know that in 1991 Harry gets given a Nimbus 2000, so I assumed the Nimbus company (if they existed in the 900s) would have released 2-3 broomsticks a year. So, I did the maths and at the end of 1973, the broomstick released should have been the 1962. This is obviously just a prediction on my end because there isn't enough lore on broomsticks in the HP universe, so just pretend it makes sense :)
-well, I just ruined Christmas.. sorry?
-I just declared war. yes, it's begun. get ready for mentions here and there of the war that will eventually be very important later on. I actually can't wait to get to the war chapters, guys, because I have so many plans that none of you have predicted yet. I'm so excited to see all of your reactions 😭
-Effie "so, let's end it" PotterI hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll see you next week!
(For all of the people that wished me luck for my exams in the comments, I passed them all! whoooo!)
Thank you so much for 14.5K hits!! xx
Chapter 37: Third Year: The Truth Always Comes Out
Summary:
Regulus discovers something interesting about his family.
Narcissa gives birth.
Sirius' parents have an important talk with him.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of a parent being sick in the past
-mention of a child being put under a silencio (I would count this as a form of abuse, taking away someone's right to speak).
-brief mention of child abuse (not described or from the character's POV)
-brief mention of a war
-brief mention of Van Gogh cutting his ear of and committing suicide
-mention of a baby being abused (in the past, only mentions bruises and them being hexed and put in a body-bind)
-brief mention of a baby being kidnapped (it's a good thing..)
-a character struggles mentally with something they are told (I don't want to spoil it, so I'll explain it in the end notes)**
-hints at a character being depressed (skipping meals, staying in bed all day, not speaking) - brief and at the endIn this chapter, Sirius' POV jumps back in time. So, it shows Regulus' Christmas holidays and then Sirius'. Hopefully, that makes sense <3 This is the longest chapter yet! It is 12.5k words long 😲
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Scattered 'cross my family line
I'm so good at telling lies
That came from my mother's side
~ Conan Gray
Wednesday - 19th December, 1973
Regulus
Sometimes Regulus spends far too long thinking about what Christmas would be like if he were born into another family. He expects it would be much more joyful. That's a word that tends to be connotated with Christmas, isn't it? There would be twinkly lights and colourful decorations all over the place. It would be a lot brighter and there would be piles of presents under a grand Christmas tree - one decorated by a child and their parents. Together.
Instead, when Regulus returns home for Christmas, there is no joy. Grimmauld is as dark and dingy as always, shadows staining every corner. There are no decorations, other than the lone Christmas tree in the living room. It isn't green and the baubles aren't colourful. It's as black as his name with plain grey baubles dangling from random branches. From certain angles it could be pretty, but it only acts as a reminder that Regulus will never get to enjoy a regular Christmas with a loving family. The closest he has ever had to that was last year when his mother was out of the house and Regulus spent the day with his father and uncle Alphard.
This year won't be the same, Regulus knows that as soon as he arrives back home. Alphard is nowhere in sight. No one even mentions him, so Regulus doesn't either. He hopes to spend some time with his father and is even glad to see he is in better health. However, Regulus doesn't get the chance. Orion is always off working, likely Walburga's doing. Regulus hopes his father doesn't work himself dry and grow sick again because of it. He wouldn't ever forgive his mother if that happened. He doesn't forgive her for a lot of things, but this would be irreversible. Regulus cannot fathom losing his father. He just can't.
With only Kreacher for company, who isn't always available to spend time with him because he has constant tasks to get on with around the house, Regulus ends up having a very lonely Christmas. Whenever Kreacher is busy with his chores, Regulus is doing his school work or researching Andromeda Black.
After a full day of scouring the Black family library for this mystery woman and coming up with absolutely nothing, Regulus finally decides to just... drop it. There is literally no trace of anyone called Andromeda in any of the books he has read. Regulus has no proof that this person ever existed. Searching for her has become an unhealthy obsession of his, something to help fill the empty days he spends at home during the holidays when he is forced to come back. It's time to stop, he knows that. However, he compromises with himself, if any other information about Andromeda Black is brought to his attention, he won't just ignore it. For now, however, he is going to forget about the topic entirely.
After he's finished all of his schoolwork and finds he has nothing to do, he resumes his old piano lessons. His mother did not force him to maintain them once he was enrolled in Hogwarts, so Regulus stopped practicing. It has been a couple of years since he has properly sat down at a piano and played anything, so he hopes he isn't too rusty. He thinks about the piano in the museum and how ornately beautiful it is. He would love to play it, but wouldn't want to taint it by playing poorly on it.
His parents are out at the moment, so he can play as loudly as he wishes. They have been disappearing a lot during the few days since Regulus has been back. He isn't sure where they go, but it is obvious to him that they wish to keep it a secret from him, which means it probably isn't very good. His father never keeps things from him unless they are things he doesn't need to know about, usually because he is too young to know about them. Sometimes, when his parents return from wherever they have snuck off to, Regulus can hear them whispering to each other. He can never pick up on what they are saying, but his mother always sounds pleased, which is never a good sign. His father... Regulus can never really tell what he is thinking when he comes back home from these secret meetings. His voice is usually void of emotion, which is also a terrible sign. It means his father doesn't like what they are doing and that is his way of separating his emotions from the situation at hand.
Regulus is too afraid to question his mother on it, not wanting to be punished for eavesdropping. He has considered asking his father, but he is rarely home and whenever he is, Walburga is always nearby.
Sitting on the leather piano bench, Regulus sets out the sheet music Dorcas sent him when he mentioned to her in one of his letters that he was considering practicing again. As it turns out, Dorcas has a piano at home too and has been receiving lessons from her mother - who is much lovelier than Regulus' - ever since she was a child.
The song Dorcas sent is a Muggle one, which is why Regulus has waited until his mother was out of the house to play it. He wonders where Dorcas found it. He knows her parents have no hatred towards Muggles but he hadn't been sure how interested they were in their culture either. Apparently very because Dorcas informs him that she has over one-hundred other sheets of Muggle music she can send him if he so wishes. He would like to try one out first, so he asked her to send him one of her favourite pieces.
The sheet says 'Blackbird by The Beatles' on it. The band sounds familiar to him, which makes him think it must be popular for him to have heard of it. Dorcas might have mentioned them to him in the past, he can't really remember.
His fingers hover over the keys as he takes in the first couple of lines of the song, trying to memorise it a bit before he attempts to play it. When his fingers eventually meet with the piano, he feels a slight thrill at the idea of playing Muggle music in his mother's house. It flows out of him just as easily as any music from the magical world would. Regulus has to admit that the song Dorcas chose is beautiful. The piano hums along with every gentle tap of Regulus' fingers against the keys, almost like it's mimicking a songbird. He plays it over and over again, listening as his fingers get more used to playing it until, eventually, it becomes natural to him. He plays until he no longer needs the sheet music. He wants to play it again, but doesn't want to risk keeping any evidence for his mother to find. So, he learns it off by heart and then sends the sheet back to Dorcas in his next letter, politely requesting she send him another.
Regulus has been constantly corresponding with his friends since he has been home. Pandora and Evan are having a rough time of it at the moment. Their father has also been disappearing, just as Regulus' parents have, only their mother never goes with their father like Walburga does. Apparently, Mister Rosier has been in a foul mood ever since his children came home. Pandora has been stuck under a silencio for the past two days, ever since she mentioned something she saw in her mind to her mother, who told her father. Mister Rosier does not like Pandora's gift, that much is painfully clear by the way he reacts to it whenever it is brought up. Regulus knows Evan always tries to protect Pandora from their father, whether that is by convincing her not to say anything or by literally getting himself punished for doing something worse to keep their father away from Pandora. Regulus hates that his friends are in a predicament so starkly similar to his own. He wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy, let alone his best friends.
Pandora has written to him about it, confessing that she isn't very comfortable with it simply because it means she can't hum when she feels like it, nor can she speak with her brother when she wants to. She views it as more of an inconvenience than anything. Regulus is happy Pandora isn't letting it get to her too much, but he still wishes she didn't have to deal with this. She deserves so much better; she and Evan both do.
Scarlett has only sent Regulus one letter as of yet, probably because they will be seeing each other again in only a few days. Just as they had been last year, the Starks have been invited to Walburga's Christmas Eve celebration (if you can even call it a celebration). It is clearly just an excuse to socialise with the other members of the sacred twenty-eight, as well as other Pureblood families.
Barty is the only one of his friends who hasn't written to him. Regulus checked and he hasn't been writing to any of them. On the train back to London, Barty had been eerily silent, never butting into their conversations to make obscene jokes, never laughing with Dorcas. He spent the first half of the ride staring blankly out the window and the other half of it sleeping on Pandora's shoulder. Even in his sleep, he was frowning.
It isn't new, Regulus' worry for Barty. He has been worried about him ever since Alice declared she wanted some space from him. Regulus can't even begin to imagine what that must have felt like. He knows how important Alice is to Barty. She was the only person he had before Hogwarts; whenever his father treated him horridly, Alice was always there to pick up the pieces of him afterwards and glue him back together. Listening to Barty refer to her as "just a stupid Gryffindor" had been greatly concerning.
Regulus has sent a letter to Barty every day, hoping his refusal to leave Barty alone will get him a response. It hasn't. It is only the third day back, so Regulus has tried not to panic about his friend. Not yet. Still, he can't help but think about what could be happening to Barty that the rest of them don't know about. Regulus is hoping that if anything really terrible happens, Alice will at least be there to help. Even if she hasn't spoken to Barty for weeks, she still cares about him. Regulus is sure of it.
As much as he hates to admit it, Regulus has found himself missing the astronomy tower. He goes to the museum each night and he still loves it just as he always has, but there is something missing now. Something he has never cared for in the past. He misses the company of another person to bask in his silence with. Now, whenever he goes back to the museum, searching for the solitude it brings, he can't stop himself from instinctively looking at the empty space beside him, waiting for James to fill it. He speaks to Reverie and expects James to say whatever odd question just fell into his mind. Somehow, during the last two months, Regulus has given James Potter the power to ruin his silence. It never felt empty before but it does now.
Regulus steps away from the piano after an hour, not wanting to grow tired of the song. He likes it too much to waste it that way. Kreacher finds him a little while later and asks Regulus if he would like anything to eat. He declines the elf's offer and instead asks if Kreacher is finished with his chores. He is, so they go to the drawing room together, bringing Regulus' chess board with them. When they get there, Regulus sits with his back to the family tree. He doesn't like looking at it for too long, it reminds him too much of the punishments his mother likes to inflict on him.
They play a few rounds of chess, Kreacher ends up winning more rounds than Regulus. He is very good at chess and Regulus never denies him of it, knowing Kreacher doesn't have a lot of freedom to enjoy things.
"Another branch is forming," Kreacher says halfway through their fourth round. Regulus looks up from the board to where Kreacher is standing on the other side of it. He stares at the elf, confused, until Kreacher points to the wall behind Regulus.
He turns to look at the tapestry of the Black family tree. It takes him a minute to realise what Kreacher is talking about. Beneath where Narcissa and Lucius' branches entwine, there is a new, much shorter branch twisting it's way out. He knows what it means; Nicholas, their baby, is on the way. He will be here any day now. Regulus hasn't seen Narcissa since returning home, but he knows he will see her at their Christmas Eve party.
Regulus is about to turn back to their game when his eyes catch on something peculiar. He always tries his best to ignore the family tree, hating what it represents, feeling sick by all of the branches of family members that cross over each other, just as his mother's and father's do. So, he has never noticed the thing that has now caught his attention. Beside Bellatrix and Narcissa's names, there is a massive, black splotch that looks like a burn mark. The material around it is frayed and discoloured, looking neglected. His eyes drop to the name tag beneath it, which is mostly singed off too. However, there is one letter that still remains. A.
Andromeda.
Regulus jumps up from his seat, eager to get a closer look at the evidence he has just found. The evidence that proves Andromeda Black did exist and Regulus hasn't just been going crazy for the last year and a half. Beside the burn mark, there is another, this one's name tag has been completely obliterated, but Regulus knows what it means. It is whoever Andromeda must have married. Perhaps, that is why she is no longer a part of the family. Maybe whoever she ended up marrying disgraced the family and she was banished. What is even more peculiar are the two branches that twist off from the burn marks. The first one almost angles away from them, as if it shouldn't be there at all. Most of that branch has suffered the same fate as Andromeda's had, no face in sight, just a black hole where a person used to be. Just as Andromeda's had been, this name isn't completely gone either. Regulus can only make out the first two letters, and even that is a struggle.
Si.
So, whoever Andromeda ended up marrying, together they had a child, someone whose name begins with the letters S and then I.
The second branch beneath the original two burnt splotches twists in the same way Nicholas' does. Regulus assumes this means that wherever Andromeda is, she is pregnant at this very moment. Just as Narcissa is. They are sisters, Regulus can see that from the family tree. Sisters lost to each other, yet they are both pregnant at the same time.
Suddenly, something clicks into place. Narcissa used to be so sad all of the time when Regulus was very little. She would cry whenever they snuck off together and Regulus never knew what to do. When Andromeda left the family, it must have been around the same time Regulus was born, because he has no recollection of her at all. Narcissa must have been upset over her older sister leaving her behind, maybe that is why she always used to cry.
Regulus now has a new rationale for searching for Andromeda Black, or whoever she could be now. Not only for his curiosity, but for Narcissa. For all he knows, Andromeda left her sisters against her will and might miss them just as much as Narcissa (and perhaps Bellatrix) misses her.
Monday - 24th December, 1973
Scarlett finds him almost as soon as he enters the ballroom, rushing over to him in a dignified manner. Her hair is up this year, two plaits that are twirled together on top of her head into a bun. She is wearing an ivy green dress that falls to the floor and drags after her. She smiles politely at him before looping her arm through his and leading him towards the dance floor. He tries to hide the grimace that threatens to make itself known on his face, forcing his feet to follow after her.
The next song starts up, something classical that makes Regulus want to fall asleep right here in the middle of the dancing couples. They fall into the basse danse stance, just as the other couples do. Right before the song begins, Scarlett leans closer to Regulus.
"Your mother has invited us over for Christmas lunch tomorrow afternoon," she whispers. The song picks up and they start moving. They part for a moment, circling back on themselves, a metre apart until they meet up again, they're hands pressed against each other between them as they move around each other.
"I won't be surprised if she has plans to have our portrait painted," Regulus replies, rolling his eyes. Scarlett hums in response. "Have you heard anything back from Barty yet?" He asks right before they part again. He has to wait another minute for a reply, as the dance requires them to be apart for most of it. The basse danse is a courtly dance, so Regulus imagines his mother will be pleased he and Scarlett are proficiently expressing their status to the entire room.
"I've sent him a single letter and I have not received a response," Scarlett whispers when they are close enough to hear each other again. "I assume you haven't either?" Regulus shakes his head in response and watches as Scarlett's eyes fill with worry. She keeps her expression the same, blank and indifferent, but Regulus knows her well enough now to notice the concern she is feeling. She may not be Barty's number one fan, but Regulus can tell she does care about him, at least enough to worry about what his father might be doing to him at this very moment. Regulus can only hope Barty's mother won't let anything too horrible happen.
When the music comes to a close, they remain on the dance floor for just one more song. It's a waltz this time, which Regulus is familiar with. It is one of his favourite dances, he would say. He has been learning it since he could walk, so it comes easily to him.
Once this dance is over, Regulus and Scarlett split from the crowd of tipsy adults who are still dancing and start towards where they can see Narcissa speaking with another Pureblood lady. She smiles when she notices them approaching and says something quickly to the other woman before leaving her side and walking to meet Regulus and Scarlett in the middle.
"Hello, Regulus," Narcissa grins down at him before turning to Scarlett. "Scarlett, it is wonderful to see you again. Your dress is beautiful."
"Is it?" Scarlett replies before wincing. "I mean, yeah, it is very... detailed."
Regulus has to work not to laugh at her inarticulacy when it comes to refraining from speaking her mind. He knows how much she hates wearing uncomfortable dresses, calling them scratchy and overdramatic.
"We no longer live in the nineteenth century, so I do not see the need for them," she had once said to Regulus.
Narcissa smiles fondly down at her as if she understands exactly how Scarlett is feeling. She probably does. Regulus knows how much she despises these fancy parties, almost as much as Scarlett does. He recalls sneaking away from them as a child, Narcissa always at his side. Their parents rarely noticed them going, Narcissa because she was the youngest and Regulus because his mother merely did not care enough about him to worry on his whereabouts.
He wishes there was less attention focused on him and Scarlett this year, what with their parents announcing their engagement to the world as soon as they arrived back at Hogwarts. However, wishes never come true for Regulus. If they weren't under the watchful eyes of their mothers, Regulus would pull Scarlett away from the party, just like Narcissa used to do for him.
"Scarlett, would you so mind if I stole Regulus from you for a brief moment or two?" Narcissa inquires kindly, reaching out to rest one of her hands on Regulus' shoulder.
"Steal him for longer if you would like," Scarlett responds, sending Regulus a jokingly mean smile. He squints at her playfully. Scarlett wanders off in the direction of the food table and then out of sight. Regulus turns to his cousin, who is now only slightly taller than him and whose stomach has grown vastly during her pregnancy. His mind goes back to the family tree, it does often these days.
"Cissa?"
Narcissa looks troubled for a moment but quickly covers it up with a bright smile. Regulus almost thinks he imagined it. She grabs his hand and inconspicuously journeys across the hall and out of the door without anyone noticing. They walk down the corridor until they arrive at Orion's office. Narcissa opens the locked door with her wand and pulls Regulus inside. She locks the door behind her before taking a seat at one of the chairs and resting a hand on her swollen belly.
"I need to speak with you," she whispers, urgency evident in her tone.
Regulus takes the seat opposite her, feeling a sense of panic shoot up his spine. Is she okay? Is the baby okay?
"Alright," Regulus responds sceptically.
"As I am certain you have noticed, your parents have been disappearing at odd times during the day, yes?" Narcissa waits for Regulus to nod before carrying on. "And they haven't spoken to you about it? They've kept it all a secret?"
"Yes," Regulus says, admittedly a bit confused now.
Narcissa sighs with what looks like relief. "Okay, that's good. I was afraid for a moment that they might have already..." She doesn't finish her sentence, nor explain why she is acting so strangely.
"They might have already what?" He asks, blinking. "Narcissa, what is going on? Is Nicholas-"
"Nicholas is fine," Narcissa is quick to reassure him. "There is something coming, Regulus, something bad. Lucius is a part of it," she winces as she admits this, "though he doesn't want to be. He is worried, I can tell. I'm not quite sure what we will be facing, but I know that it is not going to be good." She looks up at Regulus now, staring directly into his eyes. "I don't want you to become a part of it, but I fear your mother might force you to be."
"A part of what?" Regulus raises his voice, a bit impatiently.
Narcissa watches him with worry and sympathy. "I don't know but my father said it feels just as it did when Grindelwald was gaining power."
"Are you saying he's coming back?" Regulus stares at her in shock. Surely not...
"No, not Grindelwald," Narcissa clarifies. She bites her lip anxiously as she looks down at her stomach. "Someone else, maybe."
Regulus would look back at this moment years later and realise this is where it all started. This was the moment the war entered his life, black and rotten, rushing through his veins and claiming him. Another soldier. He would scold himself for being so oblivious to what his cousin was telling him. Because he is oblivious, he has no idea what Narcissa is talking about. So, when they return to the ballroom, with only Orion having noticed their absence, he forgets about their secret conversation in his father's office. Mostly.
Tuesday - 25th December, 1973
When the Starks arrive, it only takes Regulus a second to realise Scarlett has been crying. Her cheeks are puffy in that same way they were when Regulus surprised her with Maggie. Other than that, there is no indication that she has been crying at all. Her mother doesn't appear to have noticed, or she doesn't care. Mrs Stark goes right over to Walburga, greeting her warmly as if they are best friends. Regulus grimaces at the smile on his mother's face, it is clear she doesn't do it often as it curls along her face like a hungry snake.
Regulus doesn't take long to make it to Scarlett's side. He sends her a look rather than openly asking if she is alright, he doesn't want to attract attention from their mothers. She only nods and smiles at him, but it's a forced smile. Regulus continues to worry about her.
The two families sit down together for Christmas lunch, conversing every now and then. Regulus' mother gestures for him to tuck in Scarlett's chair for her, which he does so even though he knows what Scarlett would say if he tried to do this anywhere else. She would likely slap his hand away if they were at Hogwarts and snap at him, telling him she can do it herself. She doesn't do any of this though, she lets him act like a stereotypical gentleman.
Once they have finished their meals, Walburga leans forward, eyes burning into the side of Regulus' head. He turns to face his mother, who is now watching him with a terrible gleam in her eye.
"Kreacher has informed me you have been practicing again, Regulus." It isn't a question, more of a statement, but it still instils fear into Regulus. His mother must sense this because she smirks coldly. "Why don't you show Scarlett what you've been playing?"
"Yes, mother," Regulus responds robotically. He pushes his chair back and stands, holding out a hand for Scarlett. There isn't a piano in the dining room, but there is one in the sitting room, so Regulus leads her that way. Surprisingly, their parents do not follow them, so he drops her hand as soon as they are out of sight of the dining room.
"Well, that was loathsome," Scarlett mumbles, pulling at her dress, irritated. She huffs when she can't seem to get comfortable in it and then gives up trying. "Honestly, what was mother thinking putting me in this? I can hardly breathe."
Regulus watches her grumble for a little bit longer before deciding to speak himself.
"Why were you crying?" He asks. Scarlett looks at him out of the corner of her eye, eyebrows drawn together curiously.
"How could you tell?"
Regulus shrugs. "I know you by now."
"You don't know me that well," Scarlett retorts.
"Maybe," Regulus replies. Then, feeling inspired, he repeats something someone once told him. "Or maybe you don't know you. Sometimes, other people know us better than we know ourselves."
Scarlett squints her eyes at him. "Since when are you so wise?"
Regulus chuckles softly. "I'm not," he answers honestly. "You never told me why you were crying."
"Oh," she whispers, staring down at the floor. For a moment, Regulus is afraid Scarlett might start crying again right here in the corridor. Then, she sniffs and locks eyes with him. "I saw what happened in the paper and I realised, whilst I am under my mother's finger, I cannot do anything to prevent it from happening again."
Regulus hadn't been expecting that. He read the paper this morning and was honestly appalled by what he saw. His mother looked pleased by the information, whilst his father's expression remained woefully blank. Regulus had to stop eating his breakfast, unsure if he could eat anymore without throwing up right there on the table.
"What could you do if your mother wasn't in your way?"
"I don't know," Scarlett snaps, clearly frustrated by this fact. "Protest, perhaps. Just something that would count as actually doing something. I want to help, I hate the discrimination towards the Muggle world. It's honestly ridiculous. If anything, Muggles should hate us. We are able to destroy their entire world with a single wand, kill people with a single spell. We hide from them, they don't hide from us. They invent ways to do things that we can do lazily with one spell. They are fantastic and we are reliant on our magic for far too much."
"You're right," Regulus agrees. He thinks about the museum as he asks his next question. "Have you ever seen Muggle art?" Scarlett shakes her head. "Well, you should. It is completely and utterly ridiculous, but it's wonderful. There is this painting based off a poem called 'The Passionate Shepard to His Love' and the story behind it is so beautiful."
"Tell me about it," Scarlett says as they step into the living room. Regulus guides her over to the piano, where they both sit down at the bench. Regulus rests his hands on top of it, not flipping up the lid to release the keys just yet.
"It's all about this shepherd who one day comes across a sleeping nymph. He watches her and admires her beauty, then Cupid, which is this sort of God-like figure in the Muggle world, the God of love, swaps one of the nymph's arrows with one of his own. Cupid's arrows, when shot at someone, compel the shot victim to fall in love with the shooter," Regulus explains, enjoying the way Scarlett listens avidly. "Cupid disappears and the nymph awakens and is shocked to find a man watching her, so she grabs her bow and an arrow, the one Cupid switched with his own, and shoots the shepherd. He falls in love with her instantly and starts telling the nymph how much he loves her and will always love her."
"What did she say to that?" Scarlett asks, showing Regulus she is actually interested.
"Well, she told him she couldn't accept his love because he told her it would be timeless and she knew that wasn't true. He then proclaimed that he was telling the truth and swore it to her, but she told him his love would wilt just as a flower dies. If all that he promised to her would be kept that way, she would have accepted him, but she didn't want to be heartbroken, so she declined his offer again and again. The nymph does not trust in love or lust, especially were it Cupid's way rather than that of the cosmos."
"So, what happened to the shepherd? Surely, he couldn't have lived the rest of his days loving someone who would never love him back."
"We do not know if the shepherd went back to the nymph, but I think even if he did, she would have kept saying no. Her answer, that way, would be timeless. However, some people say she would have eventually accepted his love because death does not break or end love, it still exists afterwards. That way, the nymph would have her timeless love and she would have her shepherd," Regulus says.
"I am surprised," Scarlett says, a bemused smile on her face now.
"By what?"
"That out of all the Muggle art you could have told me about, you chose a tragic love story," she explains, smirking at him now. Regulus feels his cheeks flush as he looks away.
"If you would rather, I could have told you about Van Gogh who cut his own ear off before killing himself," Regulus replies, raising both of his eyebrows.
Scarlett laughs. "No, I think I liked what you told me. Is there nothing more to the story?"
"Not that I know of," Regulus sighs. "But, if you would like, you could always research it and see. There are two poems that are related to the story, as well as the original painting and a few replications."
"How do you know so much about Muggle art, Regulus?" She cocks her head, staring suspiciously at him.
"I read," Regulus replies. He opens the lid of the piano and brushes his fingers along a few keys. "Anything you would like me to play particularly?"
"Well, if we are sticking to a theme here," Scarlett starts, "then how about 'Almost Like Being In Love' by Alan Jay Lerner? Do you know it?"
"I do," Regulus nods, placing his fingers over the correct keys. "Although, I wouldn't call it a romantic song."
"The name literally has the word love in it, Regulus."
"Love isn't always romantic," Regulus shrugs. He begins to play the song, easing into it slowly. "I think the name of this particular song literally implies that strong, platonic relationships are possible. Almost like being in love - that is sort of how people would feel about their friends, wouldn't you agree?" He turns to look at her and finds Scarlett is already watching him with a soft expression.
"I suppose so," she whispers.
Regulus continues to play the quiet melody, allows it to calm his mind from the chaos spinning around inside of it. Scarlett sits beside him silently, listening and watching as his fingers jump deftly from key to key.
That evening, Regulus receives a letter from Dorcas and one from Evan. Dorcas' wishes him a merry Christmas and then informs him that her mother is pregnant with twins. He grins at the news, knowing Dorcas is going to be an amazing older sister. He writes her a letter back but waits to send it with his response to Evan's.
Evan's letter starts off well, he lets Regulus know that his father has been ignoring Pandora for the past couple of days, which is a good sign. He has also removed the silencio he cast on her at the beginning of the holidays.
Evan then goes on to explain how his father is trying to set him up with a wife. If his letter is anything to go by, Evan is less than pleased by this information. He goes on to rant about how he doesn't want a wife and he doesn't think he will ever want a wife, which Regulus can't help but feel bad about. Evan deserves to have whatever he wants out of life, but he is the heir to the House of Rosier, he won't have a choice when it comes to marriage. He will be forced to marry and then produce at least two heirs, just as Regulus is. Not getting married at all won't be an option.
He lets Regulus know that Barty still hasn't contacted him and Pandora has been having terrible dreams about Barty all week, so he is officially panicking.
When Regulus writes back a response, he tries to convince Evan not to worry himself too much, knowing it would only lead to more problems with his father. Regulus says he is going to try and write to Barty again and if he doesn't get a response he will write to Alice instead. He sends off his two letters, one for Dorcas and one for Evan, using the same owl. Then, he goes back to his room and writes a brief message down onto a piece of paper for Barty.
We just need one word to know you are
alright, Barty. Just one word.
Regulus sends that message off with a separate bird, watching as it soars out of the window into the wintery night.
Tuesday - 1st January, 1974
On the first day of the new year, Regulus is awoken by a rough tapping noise at his windows. Blearily, he opens his eyes to glare at it, until he realises it is Barty's father's owl. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he hops out of bed and rushes over to the window to let the bird in. It flies through the room and lands on Regulus' desk, ruffling the completed homework he had laying out.
Regulus feeds the bird some food he keeps in his drawers for when his mother locks him in his bedroom for days on end and then unties the letter from it's leg. Once the owl has finished it's meal, it flaps it's wings and flies back out the window. Regulus goes over to his bed and sits on the edge of it. He unseals the envelope and a small, crumpled piece of paper falls into his lap.
There is only one word written.
Safe.
Regulus deflates, relief spreading through him instantly. He wonders if Barty means it or if he is just saying he is safe so that none of them will worry about him anymore. He attempts not to think about that and instead writes to Evan to let him know that Barty is fine, not mentioning the single word and making it seem like Barty wrote him an entire letter. If it keeps Evan from growing agitated and then getting into further trouble with his father, then it is worth it stretching the truth a little bit.
Just as Regulus sends his letter off to Evan's house, using one of his family's owls this time, his father finds him, a small smile appearing beneath his beard. It is so rare nowadays that he finds his father smiling or laughing, he used to do it way more often, Regulus is sure of it. But ever since he returned to work and Walburga has expected more out of him due to his better health, he has appeared less happy and more down. Sometimes Regulus wonders if his father liked being ill, only to avoid Regulus' mother and her expectations for the entire family.
"Regulus, I have been looking for you," his father says in a light tone.
"You found me," Regulus replies, smiling back.
"Narcissa has given birth to her son," he explains, waiting for Regulus' reaction. Regulus gasps before grinning excitedly. "Yes, I thought you would be happy. Narcissa has asked that you go and visit her immediately."
"Has mother allowed it?" He asks, hope coursing through his entire body. His father nods, so Regulus rushes past him, thanking him quickly before heading towards the drawing room. His mother is waiting for him there, though she isn't dressed in her going out clothes, which makes Regulus' smile grow because it means his mother won't be going with him.
"Good morning, mother," he says cheerfully. Walburga gives him a once over, a look of disdain on her face.
"Indeed it is," she responds, not at all sounding pleased. "Narcissa is at St. Mungos on the sixth floor. I am sure you are capable of locating her ward by yourself."
"Yes, thank you, mother," Regulus nods respectfully. He hops into the fireplace and is soon zipping through to St. Mungos. When he arrives, he finds the sixth floor and has to climb what feels like a billion stairs before he gets there. He locates the receptionist and asks her where he can find Narcissa Malfoy. She points down the corridor, a friendly smile on her face, and gives him directions. Before he can leave though, she asks for his name and then hands him a visitor's badge.
Regulus practically runs down the corridor and only stops when he reaches room F14. The door is open, so Regulus instantly spots Narcissa lying down in bed, Lucius asleep in the chair beside her. He chuckles quietly as he steps into the room. The moment the door closes behind him, Narcissa tilts her head to look up at him and a smile spreads across her face.
"Hello, Regulus," she whispers, trying not to disturb Lucius, who is now snoring obnoxiously loud.
"Hello, Cissa. How are you feeling?" He says back quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Great now that Bella has cleared off," she snorts. "I was so afraid she would drop the baby, but she was actually very soft with him if you can believe it."
"I'm not sure that I can," Regulus chuckles nervously.
"Would you like to meet him?" Narcissa asks, moving so that she is now sitting up against her pillows. Regulus nods eagerly, so Narcissa picks up something from her bedside table and throws it at Lucius. It hits him bang on the nose, making him snort loudly before waking up abruptly.
"What is it? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Lucius jumps up from his chair and glances speedily around the room as if he is looking for danger.
"I'm fine," Narcissa replies with a snicker. "Could you wheel him over here for me?"
Lucius blinks and then looks between Regulus and Narcissa. "And Regulus couldn't have done it himself because..."
"Because you are his father, not Regulus." Narcissa stares sharply at her husband until he shrinks and goes to fetch the baby. Regulus laughs under his breath.
Lucius hands the blanket-wrapped baby to Narcissa, who lifts up a corner of the blanket and wipes the baby's mouth with it. She smiles softly down at her child before holding him out to Regulus.
Regulus goes to say that he has never held a baby before, so he probably shouldn't, but Narcissa places him into Regulus' arms anyway, so he has no choice. He stares down into the baby's eyes, blue-grey just like Narcissa's, and feels complete and utter adoration for this tiny, little person who he has only just met. It is baffling how protective he feels over him already.
"Regulus, meet Nicholas Regulus Malfoy." At Narcissa's words, Regulus has to bite his lip to stop himself from crying. He knows Narcissa wouldn't tease him for it now if he cried, but she would later on, so he holds it in.
"Hey," he says to Nicholas, who stares up at him like Regulus is the weirdest thing he has ever seen. He opens his mouth and a little spit bubble forms before popping. Nicholas flinches, looks up at Regulus, and then smiles the most adorable smile that Regulus thinks he has ever seen in his entire life.
"Oh, Merlin," Narcissa gasps. "Did you see it?" She turns to Lucius, who nods happily.
"What?" Regulus asks.
"He's never smiled before," Narcissa tells him. "I guess you get to take credit for being the first person to make him smile."
"Oh," Regulus whispers.
"Yes, and Bella was the first to make him cry," Lucius adds in a gentle voice that makes Regulus laugh.
"We want you to be his godfather," Narcissa says out of nowhere, causing Regulus to startle.
"Really?" Regulus can feel the tears coming again.
"Really," Lucius replies, resting a hand on Regulus' shoulder. He smiles down at his godson and doesn't even care that a tear rolls down his cheek.
***
Sunday - 16th December, 1973
Sirius
When Sirius returns home, he and his parents sit down to dinner together. His parents ask him how his year has been so far, even though they know almost every detail about his life because he writes to them several times a week. Still, he fills them in on things such as what gossip Peter has been telling him, what pranks they have been pulling, and Remus' new haircut. He doesn't tell them about his newfound feelings for his friend, not wanting to just yet. He knows his parents will be fine with it, especially his mum who apparently already knows he likes boys since he accidentally came out to her as a child, but he just doesn't want them to know yet.
After dinner, Sirius plans to go upstairs and procrastinate about unpacking, however his very important plans are ruined when his dad stops him from going upstairs and leads him towards the living room.
His mum is sitting on the couch and his dad soon joins her, gesturing for Sirius to take the empty chair opposite them. Immediately, he knows it is going to be a serious conversation. They have only gotten Sirius to sit opposite them like this once in the past and that was when his great grandma Ruth passed away. He had been so upset at the time and can only hope that he isn't going to get some similar news now.
"We need to talk to you about something important, Sirius," Andy begins, looking at her husband anxiously. He places a hand on her thigh and gently squeezes her comfortingly. "It isn't a bad thing, so don't worry, but it might come as a bit of a surprise."
Sirius stares at his parents with a bewildered expression. "Okay..."
His mum's leg begins to bounce up and down as she watches him. Andy opens her mouth to say something before hesitating and biting down on her lip. Sirius' dad whispers something to her, something that sounds like Do you want me to do it? Andy shakes her head and takes in a deep breath before swallowing thickly.
"Sirius," her eyes meet his and it is like looking into a mirror. Sirius has never looked anything like his dad, he is all his mum. Especially his eyes, they are the same blue-grey as hers are, which is why Sirius doesn't believe her at first when she says, her words coming out all in a rush, "You're adopted."
Sirius blinks.
He stares at the ground, then at his hands, then returns his attention to his parents. Because they are his parents, no matter what they tell him. These are the people who raised him, who took care of him, who love him. No matter where he came from, this is his home.
"Are you sure?" He questions sceptically, eyeing his mum up and down. They look too much alike for Sirius to believe a word of what she is saying.
"Definitely," she nods and Sirius wilts in his seat. "We haven't told you until now because we wanted to wait until you were old enough to understand what it meant whilst also being able to grasp the truth when we tell you that we don't care if you didn't come out of either of us, we love you all the same. You are our son and you have been since the day you were born."
"But I look like you." Sirius is surprised to hear the crack in his voice. His mum is right, it doesn't matter where he came from, but Sirius is still upset that he isn't what he thought he was. He isn't a mix of the two wonderful people sitting in front of him. He recalls the dream he had a couple of months ago, the one where he was sitting on that very couch his parents are sat on now, only it had been just him and his mum then. What was it she had said? We ran to the sea together, and you came with us.
What does that mean?
Sirius had always assumed that just meant his mother was already pregnant with him before she ran away. Now, it makes so much more sense.
"We aren't entirely unrelated by blood, Sirius," Andy says, practically trembling in her seat. "You know how I told you about my family and how cruel they could be?" Sirius nods, fearing where this will go. "Well, I was planning to run away with Ted and then you were born. You were so tiny and I instantly fell in love with you. I still wanted to leave but I suddenly wasn't so sure I could leave you behind, not there."
"Did you steal me?" Sirius is shocked as soon as the words tumble out of his mouth. He hadn't meant to say them out loud.
A guilty expression morphs its way onto his mum's face. "Not technically," she murmurs, looking uncomfortable. Sirius feels something ugly twist in his stomach.
"What your mum means, Sirius, is that the woman who gave birth to you was a terrible parent. She used to punish you for crying, even though you were only a month or so old."
"Punish me how?" Sirius finds himself asking.
"Oh, umm..." Ted glances at Andy, clearly struggling to explain this part.
"If you cried too loudly, she would put you under a silencio. If you cried for too long, she would hex you until your tiny body couldn't..." His mum releases a strangled sob and Sirius feels the urge to reach out and comfort her. His dad wraps an arm around her shoulders. "I wasn't certain she was doing it at all to begin with, but one day I was visiting and I saw her put you in a body-bind because you dropped your spoon. You were only a couple of months old, you shouldn't have even been able to sit up properly." There is anger in Andy's voice now, Sirius isn't used to hearing it, so it frightens him a bit, let alone grip a spoon. "As soon as she left the room, I released you from the spell and I pulled up the sleeves of your top and saw bruises, so I just... I took you and I ran."
Sirius doesn't realise he is crying until a tear falls onto his hand. He sniffs and tries to ignore the sudden wetness of his cheeks. His mum opens her arms for him and so he stumbles over to the couch and drops into the space between his parents, feeling safe as they wrap their warm arms around him.
"I couldn't just let her do that to you forever," his mum continues to explain. She presses a kiss to his hair. "I knew what it would one day turn into, my parents used to do the same."
"Who was she?" Sirius whispers.
"It isn't safe for you to know her name, Sirius. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I am so, so sorry."
"How did you know her then?" He asks.
"She was my aunt."
Sirius works it out in his head and the realisation sounds wrong when he voices it. "You were my cousin?"
"I- technically, yes. But I am not. I am your mum, okay? I will always be your mum and you will always be my son," she says sternly. Sirius sinks deeper into her embrace.
"I know," he sniffles. "You are my parents, no matter what."
His mum holds his face between her hands and pulls back a little bit, just enough to look him in the eye. "I love you so much, mon trésor."
"I love you, mum." She kisses him on his forehead and then he turns to his dad. "And you, dad."
"Like your mum said, you are our son, no one else's. Do you understand?" Sirius nods in response before falling into his dad's arms.
"I have some nicer news for you, too," Andy whispers from over his shoulder. Sirius turns to her, still latching onto his dad. "We've settled on a name for your little sister."
Sirius lights up and starts asking over and over again what her name will be.
"If you want to know, you're going to have to give me a chance to say it," his mum laughs fondly at him. Sirius silences. "She will be called Nymphadora Elspeth Tonks."
Sirius tuts. "Oh, brilliant, my little sister is going to be bullied. Honestly, what is up with you wizard-and-witch-folk naming your children the most random names you can come up with?"
Andy and Ted stare at him in shock before promptly bursting into laughter.
"You can call her Dora for short if you hate it that much," his mum says through her giggles. "I like it anyway, I think it sounds magical."
"That's probably because no Muggle would ever be caught dead calling their child that," Sirius states, making his parents laugh at him again.
He asks more questions about where he came from and he gets answers to most of them, except for their names. He understands his mum is trying to protect him, but he can't help but feel a sense of irritation at not knowing who it was he came from. Knowing their name doesn't mean he will suddenly care about them, or that he will go looking for them. He doesn't want to do that, he just doesn't like not knowing.
His parents explain to him that his birth father was an important part of the trial that had Andy and Ted winning custody over him. Apparently, his birth mother had no idea, but his birth father actually helped get him out of the house he was stuck in.
"He loved you," his mum says, stroking his hair where he now has his head rested on her shoulder. "I hope that one day you might get to at least meet him, he was always a lovely man. But he wanted what was best for you, which meant having to give you up."
Sirius isn't as saddened by this as he probably should be. There is a part of him that feels upset about it, sure. But he doesn't think he will waste any time crying about not having a relationship with a man he has never known.
Sirius is struck with a sudden realisation. "Is he the person who sent me the black ball thingy-"
"It's called an Ombud," Andy jumps in.
"Yeah, whatever it's called... did he send it to me?"
"I think so," his mum nods slowly. "I can't be certain, but I don't think anyone else from that family would have sent it to you."
"Would I know who they are if you told me their names?" Sirius queries.
"Sirius..." Andy sighs. "All I can say is that if you knew, it would be dangerous for you. They are horrendous people, the lot of them. If you still want to know when you're of age, I'll tell you because I believe a person deserves to know where they came from, but please, for your own safety, don't go looking for them now."
Sirius tuts and then sighs. "Okay, fine. I promise I won't."
"Thank you and I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Sirius replies with a small smile. "I know you are just looking after me. You always have done."
"What did we ever do to deserve you?" His dad says, ruffling his hair fondly.
"Steal me, apparently," Sirius answers seriously, provoking surprised laughter to rise through the room.
Monday - 24th December, 1973
Sirius' emotions have been flying back and forth between indifferent, irritated and sad ever since his parents decided to let him know he is adopted. He understands why they kept it from him for so long, as well as why they are still keeping some information locked away from him now, but on some mornings he will wake up with a lingering sense of alienation. It's odd because he has never experienced this feeling before. Never felt like he hasn't belonged somewhere before. At home, he has always been the main focus of his parents' attention, and at school he never struggled to make friends. In fact, Sirius had pretty much collected his friends like chocolate frog cards. He remembers during the first train ride to Hogwarts how he moved from compartment to compartment, introducing himself and gathering friends and putting them in his pockets for safe keeping. It was he who brought James, Remus and Peter together, as well as himself. They had all clicked into place like a well-formed puzzle, as if their separate pieces had always been waiting for each other. Sirius had done that. It was something he felt he was meant to do.
Now, there's this hole in his gut in place of where his identity used to sit. It isn't completely lost to him, it's just wounded. He used to think he knew who he was: the perfect son, a compassionate friend, the star of his own show. There is less of all that now, like it's faded away or been shot. It makes him feel uneasy and unused to living in his own skin; what used to be familiar to him is now foreign.
Sirius knows logically he shouldn't blame his parents and on some days he feels he could never. However, there are still times when he watches his mum laugh and wonders how she could be doing that whilst Sirius is sat with a gaping hole in his gut; times when he stares at his dad, waiting to catch a glimpse of himself there, knowing he won't be able to because he didn't come from there. No, Sirius came from a black hole containing stars and asteroids and galaxies; he's never felt the magnetic pull it had on him before, always feeling distant from that part of himself. He can feel it now, like it's dragging him away, just as the ocean does when you allow yourself to drift for too long. He doesn't want it to consume him, but he can feel it's grip and he doesn't know how to release himself from it.
Then, there are the days where he is sad. A part of him wishes he was never told. Was it truly necessary for him to know? Why couldn't he continue to live and exist in blissful ignorance?
He knows the answer to that. He would have found out eventually, the truth always comes out, and he would have been upset by the concealment his parents retained. It would have hurt him more.
Learning this about himself has made him realise how weak he is. He has always considered himself strong, confident, maybe a little too cocky at times. Now, he can feel this open wound inside of him, and it's vulnerable and sore and he doesn't know how to heal it or at least keep it protected from any further damage.
On the day of the Potters' Christmas Eve party, Sirius is in one of his irritated moods, though he can feel it slowly plummeting into sadness. He wills himself not to ruin the night by moping about, not wanting his friends to realise there is something wrong with him. He doesn't want them to see the hideous wound stuffed inside of him.
So, when he arrives, he doesn't speak very much, not trusting his voice when he looks at James and notices how much he looks exactly like both his father and his mother. Sirius could never relate to that. Instead, he greets James as politely as he can before Xeno drags him off, clearly sensing Sirius' mood. He hasn't spoken to Xeno about any of this, not yet. He doesn't want to ruin Christmas with it all. He wonders if Xeno knows. He must know, he knows everything. Sirius feels a stab of betrayal at the thought that Xeno must have been aware this entire time and never once thought to inform Sirius of this piece of information himself. Then, he brushes the betrayal aside, feeling a heavy wave of guilt wash over him. Xeno isn't supposed to share what he sees or what he knows. Sirius isn't being fair.
Xeno takes him over to where the rest of their friends - minus Lily, Mary and Azalia - are hanging out beside the snacks table. He instantly appears by Remus' side, not one-hundred percent sure how he arrived there. There is just something about Remus, an intrinsic part of his friend that makes Sirius feel safe and protected. He wonders if it has anything to do with Remus' wolfishness. Sirius shakes that thought away, knowing Remus would never feel anything territorial towards him in a million years. Just because he feels that way about Remus, doesn't mean Remus feels that way about him.
It is Remus who gets him to laugh for the first time in three days. He says something about his mother confiscating all of his chocolate, claiming he eats too much of it, only for Remus to discover her eating it all herself the next morning, clearly trying to be discreet about it but failing miserably.
Peter finally gets him to eat, even though he doesn't really feel like eating anything. The mere thought of food makes him feel sick. Then, he is dragged onto the makeshift dancefloor in the middle of the Potters' living room by Peter and Benji. They all jump around, Peter clearly suffering from a sugar rush, whilst Benji just embraces his hyper personality. Sirius laughs until he can't breathe and he forgets, for a moment, about all of the flitting emotions in his head, and the wound in his gut. He forgets for a moment that he is a boy lacking an identity and he just lets himself live and breathe and dance.
At some point during the evening, Peter announces to Sirius that he told his parents about his relationship with Benji. Sirius cheers in response when Peter tells him they were excited for him. He knew they would be, Peter's parents are great.
Just before they all leave, they end up in the garden. Sirius stares up at the fairy lights dangling down from the few bushes and trees that litter the terrace and pretends they are stars. The real stars aren't visible at the moment as the sky is too overcast with snow-filled clouds. Someone comes to stand beside him, he already knows who it is before he tilts his head in their direction. He thinks he will always be able to sense where Remus is now, whether he is in the same room as Sirius or halfway across the castle. Who needs the map when you have horrendously strong, and absolutely not platonic, feelings for your best friend?
Remus smiles at him before glancing up at the fairy lights too. His eyes squint slightly as if he is trying to pick out what Sirius is looking at. His curls ruffle in the wind and Sirius has to clench his hand into a fist to prevent himself from reaching out and putting it back in the right place. Ever since that evening he spent in the hospital wing with Remus when he stroked his hair as the boy slept, Sirius has wanted to touch it again. His heart had positively exploded when Remus grumbled before putting Sirius' hand back on his head after Sirius had removed it. He was afraid of Remus listening to his heart, but knew there was nothing he could do to stop it, not whilst they were like that.
"They look sort of like stars, don't they?" Remus mumbles, pointing towards the fairy lights. Sirius' lips tip up into a half-smile.
"That's what I was thinking," he whispers, watching as his breath appears in the air before him. It's very cold out, but Sirius doesn't notice this, not whilst Remus is so close to him.
"I think that one would be your star," Remus says, gesturing to the flickering bulb on their right. Sirius frowns at this and asks Remus why. Remus grins at the light for a minute before looking down at Sirius. "Because it's the only one that keeps pestering me for attention. I can't forget about it when it's flashing like that, can I?"
Sirius releases a startled laugh, not having expected that. "You think I am an attention seeker?"
"Think would be a tremendous understatement," Remus snorts and Sirius shoves him lightly. "It's a good thing," he says after another moment of silence passes between them. "It means you're memorable, but also... you're different from all the other lights."
Sirius feels his heart swell in his chest. He doesn't answer, just shuffles a tiny bit closer to Remus, careful not to slip on the ice. His eyes wander over to where James, Peter, Benji and Amelia Bones are stuck in a snowball fight, their silhouettes drifting further into the darkness. James doesn't seem to even notice the lack of light, too busy smiling endlessly. It inspires Sirius not to get too caught up in his troublesome thoughts. After all, the only way his wound can heal is if he stops prodding at it.
Tuesday - 25th December, 1973
Xeno's family comes over for Christmas dinner, which helps distract Sirius from any possible negative thoughts he may have. Luckily, today is one of the days where he doesn't feel completely shattered about the idea of being adopted. He doesn't think about it very much as he eats his breakfast and opens his presents. It isn't even on his mind when Xeno knocks at the door, his parents standing behind him, both wearing obnoxiously sparkly Christmas jumpers that sting Sirius' eyes. He welcomes them in with a warm smile and receives a kiss on his head from all three Lovegoods.
They exchange gifts and Sirius discovers that Xeno got him several silver teaspoons. At first he stares at Xeno with a puzzled expression, but then it hits him. Silver teaspoons are necessary for one of the steps required to become an Animagus. Xeno must have been aware of this and most definitely knows Sirius and his friends are attempting to become Animagi. Their parents all stare on confused but Sirius hugs Xeno appreciatively. Sirius and the others had been struggling with this particular step, unable to find proper silver spoons anywhere. Even the cutlery at Hogwarts isn't real silver, it's steel. Sirius was hoping to find some silver spoons in his parents' shop over the holidays but had been unsuccessful.
He gives Xeno the gift he bought for him, knowing he will enjoy it immensely. It is a book on rare creatures that are usually referred to as "fairy tales" or "myths" even in the Wizarding World, but are in fact real. He knows how passionately Xeno feels about creatures that most people refuse to admit are real and so don't bother to openly search for, or maintain, the species. He hopes Xeno gets a good read out of it.
After dinner, Xeno suggests they go out to the forest for a fly. So, with very full stomachs, they head out towards the forest with Sirius' broom. Xeno doesn't have one, so Sirius assumes they will be taking it in turns, that is if Xeno even actually feels like flying. For some reason, Sirius gets the impression it was an excuse to get out of the house.
When they make it to the glade in the woods where Sirius once, many years ago, caught Xeno dancing around like a chimpanzee who had a nail stuck in his foot, Sirius hops onto his broom and Xeno jumps onto it too, sitting behind him. They do a few laps around the small area and then Sirius starts zipping through the forest, careful not to get caught by any Muggles, but also cautious of the low-hanging branches all around them.
They eventually grow tired of flying and settle down on the icy grass. It isn't snowing here in Cornwall, not like it was in London yesterday when he was at James' house. They play a few rounds of eye spy and then hangman, using a biro Xeno had handily in his pocket, and they write on his arm due to the absence of paper. Xeno doesn't seem to mind at all, enjoying the way the pen tickles his skin.
Sirius grows quiet at one point, contemplating whether or not it would be wise to mention what he now knows about himself. Once again, his mind goes back to the day he and Xeno first became friends and that cryptic thing Xeno had told him.
I know answers to questions about you, Sirius Tonks, that you wouldn't even think to ask.
"Have you always known I was adopted?" Sirius asks, his voice oddly void of any emotion.
Xeno, not looking startled in the slightest, like he was expecting this question, sighs. "Not always, but before we were officially friends... yes." He bites his bottom lip in a rare display of anxiousness. "I really wanted to tell you but I knew how much Andy wanted to be the one to say it first."
"Do you know where I'm from?"
Xeno's eyes dart away quickly. "You really can't ask me that, Sirius. I'm sorry, truly I am, but it is vital that you don't know yet."
"Yet? So I will know one day?" Sirius asks, eyes glued to his friend's face.
Xeno looks at him again. "Yes, you will know one day." Sirius feels his frustration tamper down at that response. He knows Xeno is telling him as much as he can, playing it safe rather than gambling with the future. Sirius knows he doesn't have the right to command anything; he doesn't know what the future has in store for him or anyone, but Xeno does. So, Sirius trusts him enough to drop the topic. For all he knows, he could start a war from hearing a single name. Though, he supposes that is a bit dramatic.
Sunday - 30th December, 1973
On the day before the last day of 1973, Sirius feels like he is drowning, being smothered by all of the harmful thoughts racing through his head. He lies in bed for most of the day and stares at the wall opposite him. His parents come up to check on him every hour or so, but he never responds when they speak to him. He is too busy staring at the wall.
They bring food up for him, some he picks at and some he completely ignores. He feels like he is acting so dramatically about the situation, but for once he can't help it. He isn't being dramatic on purpose, not for attention or to get a laugh out of someone. It just feels too difficult to get out of bed, not for the first time in his life, but the reason is completely different to why he usually struggles to pull himself out of bed in the morning.
When he decides he would rather climb out of bed and go to the toilet than wet himself right there, he slips on something on the floor. He falls and lands in a pile of dirty clothes that he hasn't had the chance to pick up yet. Again, he has been pretty busy - staring at a wall.
Something clatters and he watches as the snow globe he collected from the shop months ago, the one with Shaula and Janus standing side by side, rolls across the floor. He mutters curses at it for tripping him up. Then, he realises who he is saving it for and rushes over to where it's landed, checking desperately that he hasn't broken it.
Sirius releases a deep breath when he finds it is completely fine and clutches it tightly to his chest. He stares at the bottom of it, reading Shaula's words to Janus, even though he was already dead and could never read them. AN ECLIPSE COULD NOT STOP ME FROM LOVING MY MOON. It is signifying a lingering darkness Janus would bring, perhaps an insecurity he had that shut off all the light inside of him. Sirius thinks about Remus' lycanthropy and how much Remus loathes that part of himself. Sirius, as much as he probably should, doesn't hate it. He likes that Remus can listen to his heartbeat and tell him how fast it's racing; he likes that Remus can smell chocolate from miles away and he likes that Remus' eyes glow a deep amber-bronze when he gets angry or excited.
He turns the snow globe over once more and reads Janus' words on the plaque just beneath the globe. MY EYES FALL VICTIM TO A STAR OF WHOM STARGAZES. He only wishes Remus looked at him like that.
It is in that moment that Sirius realises how much he misses Remus. He jumps up from the floor, careful when placing the snow globe on the table beside him bed. Sirius pulls out some paper from his schoolbag, which he still hasn't unpacked and doesn't really see the point of unpacking it now, as well as a quill. He starts writing out a letter to Remus, practically begging him to come and visit him. He says he needs him, which again is a bit dramatic of him but he feels he has earned this particular form of dramatics this time around.
Sirius sends it off with the family owl and then runs back up to his room and begins frantically tidying things away. Once his bedroom is spotless, Sirius jumps in the shower and changes into some fresher clothes. By then, it's been two hours since he sent the letter to Remus, which means he will probably have to wait another one or two for Remus to even receive the letter.
It hits Sirius then that he hasn't even asked his parents if Remus can visit. So, he tiptoes down the stairs and makes his way into the living room where his parents are huddled together on the sofa. The radio is playing faintly in the background, a song Sirius doesn't recognise flowing through the room. They both perk up when they notice him standing by the door. His mum looks like she could cry but doesn't, whilst his dad is smiling kindly at him.
"Sirius, are you hungry, sweetheart? You didn't eat your lunch-" His mum begins, but Sirius interrupts her.
"Can Remus come over for a visit?" Sirius asks nervously. He has never felt shy in the presence of his parents before, so he doesn't know why he does now.
"Of course," Andy responds immediately. "He is always welcome here."
"Will he be here in time for dinner?" His dad questions and Sirius nods before realising Remus might not even show up.
"I think so," he says. "I sent him a letter, so I am hoping he will just show up."
"I'm sure he will if you asked him to, and if his parents allow it," Ted responds calmly. "Will he be staying until you return to Hogwarts?"
"I'm not sure," Sirius answers with a shrug.
Soon after that tense conversation, he ambles back up to his bedroom and waits for the sound of the floo, or an owl scratching at his window. Anything, really.
It is another two hours before he hears something bang downstairs, followed by the sound of someone cursing and then apologising for their language. Sirius laughs at the sound of Remus' voice and rushes down the stairs. He walks in on his parents helping escort Remus out of the fireplace. He is rubbing his forehead, which now has a red mark in the middle of it as if he hit it on the top of the fireplace whilst trying to exit it.
He is covered head-to-toe in soot and his hair is all askew on top of his head. He is wearing a jumper that Sirius can only describe as a grandad jumper and a pair of old, faded Muggle jeans. Sirius thinks he looks beautiful.
Remus spots him out of the corner of his eye and sends him an awkward wave. It is endearing, especially when Sirius notices the smudge of coal dust on Remus' cheek.
"Remus," he breathes, a wobbly smile makes it's way onto his face as he steps forward.
Even though Sirius feels oh so lost within himself, the mere sight of Remus makes him feel like he is returning home after a long time out at sea. He grounds him in a way no one has ever been able to before. It's always going to be like this with Remus, Sirius thinks.
Notes:
** Sirius struggles with his identity after getting told he is adopted.
TRANSLATIONS:
mon trésor = my treasure (French)MENTIONS:
-the song Regulus plays, as mentioned in the chapter, is Blackbird by The Beatles (I actually love this song so much). One of the purposes behind the song is to represent people who experience or are surrounded by discrimination and I thought this was important because Regulus is surrounded by his mother's discrimination of the Muggle world and he is literally rebelling against her by playing Muggle music. I feel like Regulus would be the Blackbird of his family, along with Narcissa (obviously Sirius and Andromeda too but they have escaped the family).
-the parallels between Evan getting himself in more trouble so that Pandora doesn't get punished and then Sirius doing this for Regulus in most other fanfics I have read :(
-no one is having a good Christmas :(
-that family tapestry is a bit interesting 👀
-I adore Scarlett <3
-the painting Regulus mentions is called A Sleeping Nymph Watched by a Shepherd and was painted by Angelica Kauffman. the poems are: The Passionate Shepherd to His Love by Christopher Marlowe (1599) and The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd by Sir Walter Raleigh (1600).
-not Regulus thinking Evan doesn't want to get married at all (he does, just not to a girl)
-why is Lucius kind of funny? I'm just imagining him splayed out over a tiny hospital chair, snoring and drooling
-Regulus has a godson! by extension, so does James, because I say so
-Sirius finally got told he was adopted! yes, he had no idea before
-Andy did sort of technically kidnap Sirius...but it was for a good reason soooo oh well!
-I have been waiting so long to mention that Orion actually HELPED Andromeda save Sirius from Walburga. It just makes it that much sadder when you realise he couldn't do the same for Regulus, because by the time he was born, Andromeda wasn't around anymore :/
-Sirius "steal me, apparently" Tonks 😭😭 slay ig
-It has come to my attention that in canon Benji's name is actually spelt with a Y like BenjY... I like it better how I spell it though :)
-Wolfstar being soft>>
-Xeno and Sirius have such an odd friendship but I love it so much <3Poor Sirius! I will see you all next week, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 15,000 HITS!! <3
Chapter 38: Third Year: There Is No One Like You
Summary:
Remus visits Cornwall.
Everyone returns to Hogwarts.
James and Pandora are paired together in class.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-character has an identity crisis/doesn't deal well with finding out they're adopted
-hints at war
-a joke about jumping off the astronomy tower
This chapter is sort of a fill-in chapter, but some of the information is necessary to the plot :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You know I'd always been alone
'Til you taught me
To live for somebody
That love is like a star
~ Mitski
Sunday - 30th December, 1973
Remus
The holidays have been pretty great for Remus so far. On his first evening back, his friends came over to welcome him home. He got the chance to meet their new friend Hugo, who he has a lot in common with, just like Marie mentioned in her letters. There is a small part of him that feels jealous of Hugo; he gets to spend all year long with Marie, Cara and Felix, going to high school with them; he fits right into the gap Remus created when he left them all behind at the beginning of the year. However, this jealousy is soon eradicated when Remus discovers that Hugo is lovely. When they first met, he went on a tangent about all of the things he has heard about Remus and how excited he has been to finally meet him. They get to talking and, as it turns out, they both have similar interests. For example, Hugo enjoys reading just as much as Remus does and he has taken the empty spot in the Church choir that Remus left behind years ago. He loves nature and clearly has a very close relationship with it, just as Remus does.
Above all of that, Hugo reminds him oddly of Sirius. Whenever someone isn't speaking, he will work to bring them into the conversation. If Remus feels like being quiet, Hugo doesn't push him out of his comfort zone. As much as he can be quiet when he is reading a book, he is a very loud person too. He laughs like it is his last chance to and tends to break into song every now and then. Remus can see how much his other friends already care about the boy, having adopted him into their group. Remus got the impression that Marie wasn't very fond of Hugo when she wrote to him over the past several months, but he isn't convinced. She obviously enjoys his presence, laughing when he does and initiating conversation with him.
Hugo fits right in.
Sometimes when he gets passionate about something, he will start ranting in French, not realising it at first until one of them informs him that they have no idea what he is saying. Remus understands snippets of it, after having learnt a few phrases over the years from Sirius. He surprises them all one afternoon when he actually responds in French to something Hugo had said. Remus doesn't miss the way Marie's cheeks glow pink.
They spend a lot of time indoors, usually at Marie's house since it is the biggest. Her dog Max definitely missed Remus because he spends most of their visits sat in Remus' lap, pawing at his hands if he stops scratching behind his ear. Whenever they aren't indoors, they are outside in the slushy snow. They attempt a snowball fight during one of the colder mornings, but it doesn't work out very well because the snow is too sleety. He remembers the thick snow in London from when he went to James' Christmas party a few nights ago. It was like he had walked right into a snow globe; layers of snow blanketing the roof of the Potters' house; little flurries toppling down from the sky and landing in his hair.
Today, they are all at Remus' house because Cara told Hugo that he had a record player and Hugo was immediately enthralled by the idea of seeing it. So, they spend the morning watching movies and listening to music, the rain outside melts the snow away. His mam bakes them all snacks to eat and Remus almost cries when he bites into a croissant and discovers melted chocolate on the inside.
At around four o'clock in the afternoon, Remus' tad journeys down from upstairs, a letter tucked in the front pocket of his trousers. He gestures for Remus to follow him into the kitchen, so he tells his friends he will be back in a moment or two before hurrying after his tad.
"This letter just came for you." Lyall holds out the envelope, which is a bit crinkled now. Remus takes it, confused when he notices Sirius' handwriting on the front. They only wrote to each other yesterday, and Sirius never writes to him two days in a row. "I wasn't sure if you would want to read it in front of your friends," his tad explains, eyes moving towards the direction of the living room. Remus nods understandingly and then sits down at the kitchen table. Lyall leaves him alone.
Remus,
I know this is very late notice and you're probably busy with your friends and your parents, but do you think you could come visit for the rest of the holidays? I really need to see you, something happened and I don't want to talk to anyone else about it but you. If not, then that's okay. I understand. I will be fine if you can't make it, of course.
Sirius
It's so brief that Remus turns the parchment over, expecting to find something else written on the back, but there is nothing there. Worry hits him like the Hogwarts Express and before he even knows what he is doing, he is rushing out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his parents' bedroom. His tad is sitting at his desk, writing out a list for something, Remus can't tell what it is from here.
"Can I go to Sirius' for the rest of the break?" Remus asks, feeling a bit winded from both his panic and the way he just sprinted up the stairs.
"You will have to check with your mam, but I'm sure it will be alright. Is everything okay, Remus?" Lyall puts down his pen and gets up from his chair. He places a calming hand on Remus' shoulder, staring down at him in concern.
"It's... I don't know. Sirius said he needs me and it's important," Remus explains, eyes wide with urgency. He wants to go right now, right this second. He knows that isn't possible though, he needs to at least pack first. Then, he needs to find his mam and beg her to let him go. There is also the issue of having to say an early goodbye to his friends, who are literally downstairs in his living room right now.
"I'll go find your mam, you pack all of your things away, and then we will meet downstairs in the kitchen in ten minutes, alright?" His tad says and Remus sighs with relief.
"What am I going to say to my friends?"
"Why don't you go down there and explain that there has been an incident and you need to go and see Sirius. I'm sure they won't mind if they understand it is important to you."
"Okay," Remus nods before rushing out of the room. He jumps down the stairs, two at a time, and lands just outside the door to the living room. Marie is the first to spot him, she always is, and must have noticed the panicked expression on his face because she frowns and then makes her way over to him.
"Remus, is there something the matter?" Her eyes search his face for an answer. There is so much concern in her eyes and it makes him feel bad. He doesn't want to leave but he also doesn't want to not leave. It's very frustrating.
"I am so sorry but I have to go. Something happened- there's been an incident and I need to go and see Sirius." It comes out in a big rush and he isn't certain he has made any sense until Marie's face drops with disappointment.
"Oh," she pouts. "Will you be back before school starts or...?"
Remus stares down at her apologetically. She just smiles acceptingly and nods before turning around and heading back into the living room. Remus sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He feels like he is always disappointing her when he has to go. He hates it.
Once he has explained to the rest of them that he has to go, they all say their goodbyes, all of them disappointed to see him go but understanding it is important, just as his tad said they would. Marie doesn't speak until they are at the door, she is the last one to leave. She turns to him and pulls him into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry," he whispers to her, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face into her long, blonde hair.
"I'll miss you," is all she says before she lets go of him and runs away to catch up with Felix, Cara and Hugo.
"I'll miss you, too," Remus mutters into the empty space where Marie was just standing.
He goes up to his room and packs all of his belongings away, which doesn't end up being very difficult considering he barely unpacked in the first place. His parents are waiting for him in the kitchen and the three of them wander into the living room where the fireplace is waiting for him. Remus hugs them both and thanks them for letting him go with such short notice.
"Make sure to thank Andy and Ted for letting you visit," Hope reminds him, raising her eyebrows sternly.
"I will," Remus promises with a chuckle. His mum kisses his cheek and then he hops into the fireplace and whizzes off to the Tonks'.
When he arrives, he is covered in soot that makes him cough loudly. He steps forward and ends up hitting his head on the bricks of the fireplace.
"Ouch, fucking hell-" He stops when he notices Andy entering the room. He smiles sheepishly at her. "Sorry."
"There's no need to apologise," she chuckles. "Ted does it all the time." She helps him out of the fireplace just as Ted comes in after her, a tray in his hands with biscuits and tea laid out atop of it.
When Remus is officially out of the fireplace, Sirius appears speedily in the doorway that leads to the steps of his tower bedroom. Remus waves and Sirius smiles and says his name before stepping forward.
"Would you like some tea, Remus? I've just brewed some. Oh, and dinner will be ready in just over an hour," Ted starts to say but Remus doesn't get a chance to reply because Sirius is grabbing his hand and pulling him away.
"He's fine, we'll get tea after," Sirius throws over his shoulder. Remus frowns at the unexpected snappy tone that he has never heard Sirius use when addressing his parents before.
When they are out of sight of his parents, Sirius drops Remus' hand with a heavy sigh and then takes Remus' trunk from him and begins carrying it himself. "I don't know if you want to stay in my room or the guest room but for now let's just put your stuff in my bedroom."
Remus doesn't answer, just follows behind Sirius.
Sirius drops Remus' trunk beside his own, which looks just as dishevelled and unpacked as Remus' had been before he left his house. He slumps down on the bed, an exhausted expression drawn across his face as if he has just been forced to suffer a terrible ordeal. Remus, not knowing what to say because Sirius hasn't told him what is wrong, slowly moves across the room and sits down on the bed beside him.
Sirius glances up at him and attempts to smile but it comes out looking all sad. Remus lifts his arm up, an open gesture that Sirius immediately recognises, sinking into Remus' side. Sirius' hands grip onto his jumper as he buries his face into Remus' shoulder, muffling a sob. Remus can feel Sirius' magic as it changes between heavy and melancholy to prickly and heated, like he isn't sure whether he is upset or angry. It tastes more metallic than it usually does. All magic tastes metallic to Remus, but he has come to find that everyone's individual magic has it's own unique scent. To Remus, Sirius' always smells like a warm summer's day mixed with a tangy sweetness that reminds him of tropical fruits like pineapples and melons. He knows it is a bit odd and it sounds stranger to him when he tries to riddle it out in his head, but it is the truth.
Today, however, Sirius' magic tastes like thunderstorms and there is an underlying bitterness to it that has never been there before.
"Sirius, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" Remus mumbles in a quiet, yet verging on urgent, voice. "Are you alright?"
Sirius just shakes his head and tightens his grip on Remus' jumper. Remus sighs and allows him to remain in his little bubble of privacy for a bit longer. Eventually, Sirius pulls back and his eyelashes are clumped together and wet, his cheeks flushed either from embarrassment or because he has been crying.
Remus gently cups Sirius' jaw with his hands, eyes soft as he whispers, "Sirius, please tell me what's wrong."
"Can I-" Sirius sniffles and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his jumper. "Could we go for a walk? I don't want to be in the house. I will tell you, just... not here."
"Of course," Remus says instantly. He isn't sure if he has ever seen Sirius this upset before and if he has he can't remember it. It's frightening to witness; Sirius is usually the brightest of them, just like the star he was named after. He is able to bring a smile to everyone in the room and has the ability to make someone feel completely safe, no matter where they are.
Sirius leaves the house without so much as a goodbye to his parents. Remus, taking pity on them, explains that they are going to go on a walk around the village and promises they will remember to be safe. Andy smiles gratefully but it doesn't reach her eyes, Ted just stares at the open door with concern.
They walk through the cobblestone streets of the village, passing closed gift shops and arcades. The only shop still open this late on the night before New Year's Eve is the local supermarket, which Sirius drags Remus into, mumbling something about snacks. Remus watches as Sirius drifts through the aisles, chucking random things into a basket before moving onto the next thing.
They pay and Remus offers to carry the bag but Sirius is having none of it. He pulls it out of reach and tuts as if Remus' chivalry is nothing but an insult to him. Remus huffs out a small laugh at the look of blatant offence and dismissal on Sirius' face.
Eventually, they end up at the beach. It is dark out now but only a few stars shine through the heavy clouds. It isn't snowing in Cornwall, not like it was in London; there isn't sleet like there had been in Wales. Sirius walks them in the direction of the ocean. He drops the bag of snacks on the sand and kicks his shoes off before carefully stepping over to the shoreline. Remus is shocked when the freezing cold ocean touches Sirius' toes and he doesn't even flinch. Instead, he sighs and his stiff shoulders slump. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back, just breathing in the salty sea air.
Remus lets them remain in silence again. He doesn't take his shoes off and stays far away enough from the ocean so that it can't touch him. His eyes wander over to the boy in front of him who, somehow, looks both completely at peace and more tense than Remus has ever seen him.
"Sirius," he says after a long time of nothing. As if he had forgotten Remus was there, Sirius startles and turns to look at him. "Tell me."
Sirius gazes back out to the ocean before softly responding. "I'm adopted."
Remus takes a physical step back. There were so many terrible scenarios passing through his mind, but that was not one of them. It hadn't even seemed like a possibility to him. Remus thinks about all the physical similarities Sirius shares with his mother and then the lack similarities he shares with his father.
When Remus doesn't say anything, Sirius eyes his expression and chuckles. "I can practically see the cogs turning in your head, trying to figure out how this could be possible. Believe me, I know how that feels. But it's true. As it turns out, my mum is actually, technically, my cousin."
"Oh my god," Remus mutters to himself. "How? I don't... understand."
"Oh, yeah, there's a story that goes along with it. Really makes the whole situation so much better, too," Sirius mumbles the last part sarcastically. Sirius then proceeds to tell him every horrific detail about his birth mother and how he was apparently stolen by Andy - literally taken right out of his seat - and how his birth father helped her win custody. By the end of it, Sirius' magic is buzzing like he needs to let it loose.
"That's..." Remus doesn't even know what to say.
"Crazy? Around the bend? Fucked up?" Sirius laughs bitterly. "Yeah, I know."
"What is upsetting you the most about it all?" Remus asks. This conversation reminds him of the ones he and James have in the bathroom back at Hogwarts. It's underlying seriousness and importance making him feel both on edge and unhealthily protective over Sirius and his feelings.
"I think it's that I used to think I knew exactly who I was. I've never had trouble with that. Now, I learn this important thing about myself, something I did not see coming. I should have known, that is something people should be able to sense about themselves, surely. I've lost that certainty now, Remus. I don't know who I am. It feels like I've had my identity ripped away from me without my permission and I just feel so... uncomfortable." Sirius takes a deep breath before continuing.
"It isn't even just that. It's where I came from. My mum never spoke about her family, never, because they were so terrible to her, she literally had to flee and move halfway across the country. How can I be closer to all of that than I thought I was?"
"Sirius, where you came from has nothing to do with who you are," Remus insists, grabbing his shoulders and bending down so they are eye-to-eye. "You get to decide who you are. Just because that is where you started, it doesn't mean that is where you have to end up. You are nothing like them, you are Andy and Ted's son. If you don't know who that boy is yet, then that is fine. No one knows who they are by the time they are fourteen. Hell, I doubt people know who they are when they're forty. I understand you have lost that sense of security you felt within yourself, but that doesn't mean you have lost who you already were before it left. I know who you are and I can't wait for you to figure it out one day because you're amazing. Really, you are so great."
Sirius' chin trembles like he is trying his best not to cry again. Remus slides his hands up to cup Sirius' jaw again before pulling his head into his chest and holding him tighter than he ever has before. He doesn't know why Sirius decided to call for him of all people. Why not Peter or James? Why not Xeno? He lives here, too.
Instead, Sirius chose Remus, just like he did the day he trusted Remus with his necklace. He holds Sirius like he is precious because he is and a little part of him never wants to let go. Remus thinks, if he let him, Sirius would have stayed there all night and then all throughout the following day.
When they pull apart, Sirius glances up at him with desperate eyes. "Please don't tell anyone. I don't want people to know."
"Of course," Remus nods, taking a subtle step back. He feels a bit too warm from the hug even with the chilly, winter air hitting his skin. "Do you want to talk about it some more? Or we can just stay here for a little bit longer?"
Sirius is watching him intently like he wants to say something very important, but in the end he just shakes his head. "No, we should probably get back. Don't want them to worry about us." He picks up his shoes, sliding them back on, and then grabs the shopping bag.
By the time they arrive back, dinner is ready and sitting on the table under a stasis charm so that it is still warm enough for them to eat. Andy is waiting for them in the kitchen, a hopeful expression on her face. Sirius notices this and frowns like he hadn't realised how his mood was affecting his parents. He treads over to her and embraces her warmly. She bites her lips into her mouth as she wraps her arms around her son, looking like she might start crying. Remus stares at the floor, giving them a moment of privacy.
"Ted went to get some marshmallows. He thought you boys might want some hot chocolate," Andy says when Sirius pulls away from her. "He should be back any minute, but you need to eat your dinner first anyway."
Remus perks up at the mention of chocolate, making Sirius fondly roll his eyes at him. They settle down at the table and dig into their dinner. It isn't long until Ted returns, marshmallows and whipped-cream in hand. He makes the four of them big, steamy mugs of hot chocolate and passes them around. Remus finishes his dinner and gulps down his hot chocolate as if it is dessert.
Remus ends up spending the night in Sirius' bedroom with him. They chat back and forth for a few hours until they inevitably fall asleep. Remus nods off to the sound of Sirius' heavy breathing, relieved to hear that his friend will actually manage to get some sleep.
Friday - 4th January, 1974
Sirius is in a better mood by the time they catch the Hogwarts Express back to Scotland. He hugs both of his parents about seven times, each, and gracefully receives all of the kisses his mum showers on the top of his head.
They hurry onto the train, running late because Sirius decided he wouldn't pack his trunk until that morning. It doesn't take them long to spot Lily's red hair in a compartment that is already packed full of people. Sirius rushes over to Marlene, who jumps up from her chair before he can sit on her again. She tells him if anyone is going to be acting as a seat today, it's going to be him. Remus sits in the empty spot beside Lily, who smiles brightly at him.
"Remus! How was your Christmas?"
"Eventful, yours?" He asks and Lily visibly deflates. "What's up, Lils?"
"Christmas was horrendous," Lily says with a pout. "I went home because Sev begged me to but he was in a grumpy mood the entire time. He would snap at me whenever I brought any of you up but if I did the same thing when he brought up Mulciber and that lot, he would yell at me for being mean about his friends." She scoffs, a look of disbelief on her face. "Then, there was the whole Petunia of it all. I really thought she might at least talk to me this Christmas, but no. Mum even tried to get a picture of us together in front of the tree but Petunia was having none of it."
"I'm sorry, Lily," Remus responds with a sympathetic smile.
"Oh, it's alright," Lily smirks mischievously. "I got the best Christmas present and Petunia was so jealous."
"What was it?"
"So, my dad used to play guitar a lot before he passed and he had this beautiful, red guitar that he treated like it was his third child. Petunia and I used to sneak into the attic to play it when mum was out of the house because we knew how much it upset her to hear it being played after he was gone. We have both wanted it for so long, but I've always been the better guitarist, Petunia favours the violin," Lily explains all in a rush. Remus can tell she is very excited about this present. "I don't understand why she can't just let me be happy with it. She wouldn't play it were it given to her. It would probably just end up sitting in a corner of her room, getting dusty."
"I didn't know you could play the guitar," Sirius cuts in from where he is sitting opposite them. There's a thrilled glint in his eyes that usually means he is getting an idea, whether it is a good one or one that will get him in trouble, Remus does not know.
"Yeah, I'm alright," Lily says sheepishly.
"Alright ?" Mary tunes in. "Everyone, she was playing half of the time when she was at my house and she is bloody fantastic. Genuinely, Lily, you should start your own band."
Lily flushes and mumbles, "I have always wanted to."
"Kirley wants to start a band, too," Benji says, looking directly at Lily. "Maybe you should start one together."
"Oh my god, I'm envisioning it!" Sirius exclaims, jumping so harshly out of excitement that Marlene nearly goes toppling out of his lap. "You know what this means?" He questions, turning to James who is beside him.
"I do, Sirius," James replies. Then, at the exact same time, they both yell, "Common room concerts!"
Remus rolls his eyes at their antics, just glad Sirius doesn't seem to be in a sad mood today.
During the train ride, Remus finds out that Mary's sister Charlotte showed signs of accidental magic over the Christmas break, so she is hopeful that Charlotte will get to go to Hogwarts in a few years, too. Sirius gets excited about this, explaining that his cousin Miriam, who is the same age as Charlotte, also showed accidental signs of magic but it was earlier on in the year. They start rambling on about how Miriam and Charlotte might go to Hogwarts together and then start mapping out how their friendship will go.
About an hour or so before they reach Hogwarts, the door to their compartment is opened and Remus is shocked to find Regulus of all people standing there. He ignores all of the eyes that are now on him, his eyes narrowing in on Alice, who stares back with confusion.
"Alice, could I borrow you for a moment?" He speaks precociously, in a way Remus is sure no thirteen-year-old should.
Remus doesn't pay attention to what Alice's response is. His eyes are on James, who switches swiftly between staring at the floor and looking at Regulus. His leg is bouncing up and down like he is anxious. Remus frowns and turns to Lily, who looks back at him with equal suspicion.
Alice jumps up from her seat and follows Regulus out of the compartment a second later. Everyone sits in silence, waiting for Alice to return, all of them equally confused and concerned by Regulus coming to "borrow" Alice. Remus assumes it has something to do with Barty, it is the only logical reason for why Regulus would need her. He isn't sure if Barty and Alice are back on speaking terms, but by the mild concern exhibited on Regulus' face he guesses they aren't.
It isn't very long before Alice returns. She doesn't look any different than how she did only a moment ago, so Remus doesn't worry about it. She sits down beside Frank and the two of them begin to have a whispered conversation. This seems to trigger everyone else's conversations, which begin happening all around him.
They speak about the attack that was mentioned in the papers on Christmas morning and the only people who are surprised by the news, who must not get The Daily Prophet every day like everyone else, are Sirius, Lily, Mary and Azalia. The rest of them work together to explain every grim detail of what happened to that innocent Muggle family. By the end of it, Lily looks like she could vomit, Mary looks angry and a bit afraid, Azalia has silent tears running down her cheeks and Sirius' expression is blank.
"My parents said something has started and that they are going to end it," James adds in a mumble. "Whatever that means."
"It's like Grindelwald all over again," Frank says. "I think these attacks are only going to grow worse. My mother said they would."
"What does it mean though?" Marlene asks no one in particular which is fine because no one seems to know the answer to that question.
"I think," Remus starts, voice low, "it means we're officially at war."
***
Friday - 4th January, 1974
James
They moved away from the topic of the impending war soon after the conversation begun. James doesn't know how to feel about it, if he's being honest. Obviously, he knows that he doesn't agree with all of the attacks occurring and he realises he is afraid of what could be happening out in the world, what could one day happen to him or the people he loves. The sudden awareness that all of the people he cares about could be under threat hit him the moment his parents started explaining to him what had been happening in the Wizarding World for the last three years. Apparently, this war has been brewing since at least 1970, and James had no idea. He wonders how he could have missed it all.
They begin to talk about lighter topics like the next Quidditch match of the year. James thinks they are up against Slytherin next, which means he will get to play against Regulus. He loves being able to watch Regulus fly, he hadn't been lying when he said he made it an art. He truly does. James is always mesmerised by the smooth way he glides through the air, using his broom like it is an extension of his body, always deftly snatching up the Snitch whenever it is in his view.
When Regulus entered their compartment a little while ago, James' first thought had been Is he here for me? He should have known better than to expect Regulus to acknowledge him in anything more than a manner of indifference whilst in front of other people. James had tried not to make it obvious that he was looking at him, but he couldn't completely ignore the boy in the doorway, not like Regulus was doing to him. James was too busy checking he was okay. His shoulders were held sharply, perfectly, so James didn't think he was in pain. His face was blank, void of any emotion, but their was a distant worry in his eyes that James thought he could recognise. However, it wasn't there for himself, Regulus was worried about something, and it apparently had something to do with Alice.
She followed Regulus out of the door, silence ensued with her absence, like they were all waiting to see what would happen next. Regulus glanced quickly through the glass door, eyes meeting James' for less than a second, before stepping out of sight. He hadn't come back when Alice returned, not that James expected him to.
James couldn't help but think about him during the hour still remaining of the train ride. He thought about the letters in his sock drawer, the ones that were addressed but would never be sent, and therefore never received either. He had continued to write one each day, including on Christmas day and right up until the very last day of the break. The best thing to do would probably be to burn them so that no one could ever find them, but James doesn't think he would even if he could. He spilled a lot of himself into those letters, his inner thoughts and worries about Regulus, little things he saw or heard during the day that reminded him of Regulus. Even if he never sends them, he wants to keep them for himself.
At the feast, James sits between Lily and Mary, who share with him what they did over the break. It is all things James has already heard about in the letters they sent him or on the train, but he listens anyway. Lily excitedly goes on about her guitar and how she brought it with her to Hogwarts so she can practice more throughout the year. Sirius sits opposite them, between Peter and Remus, and asks Lily questions about the guitar. Lily ends up offering to show it to Sirius, since he is clearly fascinated by the very idea of it.
James glances over at the Slytherin table, a small smile forming on his face at the sight of Regulus smirking at something Barty has said. It is the smile he uses when he is trying to stop himself from laughing. James thinks if he were over there right now, he could pull a laugh out of Regulus. It is always a struggle to do so, but when he is successful it feels like the largest achievement he could ever receive.
After dinner, they all head up to the common room and take up residency on the couches and chairs. Mary and Azalia lie on the floor just in front of the fire, revelling in the warmth it brings. The rest of the castle is still plagued by a bone-shivering coldness brought by the snowy weather beyond the castle walls. James squeezes himself onto the couch beside Marlene, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Alice and Frank share one of the arm chairs and Lily was sitting in the other but has run off to get her guitar from her dormitory so she can show everyone.
"I can't wait for summer," Mary exclaims, cosying up closely to Azalia for warmth. "I miss my tan."
"Me neither," Frank agrees, then jumps to correct himself. "I mean, I can't wait for summer, not the tan part. I miss being able to go out for a fly without having to worry about the prospect of freezing to death."
James and Marlene both nod and hum in agreement. Sirius sits forward on the couch, bringing everyone's attention to him.
"I personally think summer is overrated," he says with a little shrug. Mary gasps loudly as if he has just committed a blasphemous crime. "What? You're all sweaty and sticky in the summer and don't even get me started on the bugs. I love summer, but I think I would love it a whole lot more without it's flaws."
"Fine," Mary speaks, leaning up on her elbows from her spot on the floor. "But you have to admit it's better than winter."
Sirius shrugs again, his face twisting in contemplation. "At least, if you're cold in the winter you can drink hot chocolate and wrap up in blankets and a thick jumper to get warm. When you're too warm in the summer, there is never any relief."
"Yeah, I like being able to bundle up in a jumper in the winter," Remus nods.
"Oh, please," Azalia snorts. "You would wear a jumper during the hottest day of summer."
"She's right," Peter tunes in. He sits forward just like Sirius. "I think the only correct answer here is that spring is the best. It's not unbearably warm and there aren't any bugs at the beginning of spring and," he emphasises the word by pointing his finger, "you can wear a jumper without getting overheated. It's the perfect middle."
"Yeah, but that's when all the flowers start coming out, Pete," Sirius says with a groan. "Which means hey-fever."
"What is hey-fever?" James asks at the same time Frank and Alice do. Marlene and Peter look to be just as confused as they are.
"Ugh, wizards," Sirius rolls his eyes.
"You are literally a wizard..." Peter says.
"Not the point," Sirius waves his hand through the air as if to brush what Peter has said away. "Hey-fever is like a cold caused by pollen. It's terrible."
"Okay, you got me there, Tonks," Mary admits. "However, winter, like you said, means colds."
"What about autumn?" Alice mentions which starts off a whole other conversation. Lily returns with her guitar right when Mary and Sirius start arguing about the rain - Mary saying it ruins her hair whilst Sirius argues that rain is the best weather to run about in.
Lily holds the guitar out in front of her, displaying it for them all to admire. Sirius jumps to his feet to get a closer look. Lily offers it to him and just as he is about to take it, she pulls it away, her eyes narrowed. "Do not break it."
Sirius rolls his eyes. "Oh, well thanks for warning me, I never would have thought of that. In fact, you have ruined my master plan."
"Do you want to hold it or not?" Lily tuts. Sirius instantly silences and holds his hands out eagerly like a child in a sweets shop waiting for their parents to finish paying so they can scoff down all their sweets.
"It's heavier than I thought it would be," Sirius comments, slinging the strap around his shoulder and holding the guitar in front of his body. James has to admit, he looks bloody cool. With his long hair, Sirius looks like a member of a Muggle rock band.
"We can't use it down here. It's an electric guitar, so I'll have to use the same spell we used in our dorm for Mary's record player. It basically feeds off our magic instead of using electricity-" Lily begins to explain.
"Yeah, we've got Remus' record player set up in the dorm," Sirius nods. "I wouldn't know how to use this anyway," he pulls the strap back over his shoulder and hands the guitar to Lily, still staring at it with unconcealed awe. "It's so beautiful, Lily."
"I know," she squeals, hugging it against her body.
They each take it in turns to hold the guitar. James is fascinated by it, he has never even seen a guitar in real life before, definitely not a Muggle electric guitar. Wizards don't have electricity, so they don't have these sort of guitars usually in the Wizarding World.
When curfew hits, they separate and retire to their dormitories. Frank kisses Alice goodnight and James has to prevent himself from cooing at how adorable they are.
No one is surprised when Remus drags James straight into the bathroom the moment they get up to the dormitory. He usually tends to do this as soon as they arrive back to school, always wanting to check up on James and see how he is after having to spend time at home, knowing how hard it can be for him.
They speak about their Christmases and Remus tells him all about his new friend in Wales called Hugo. He explains how he and Marie tricked Cara and Felix to walk under some mistletoe, but when Cara looked up and saw the plant, she just pushed Felix away and stomped off. James groans at this. He still keeps in close correspondence with Cara and so he knows that she actually does fancy Felix. Why she would waste an open opportunity, he has no idea.
"I went to Sirius' house for New Year's Eve and ended up staying up until the end of the break."
"Really? How come?" James asks curiously. He can remember how excited Remus had been before the holidays, wanting to go home and see his friends, especially Marie who he has quite the crush on now. So, James had expected him to stay at home for the entire two weeks.
"He invited me and I wanted to go," Remus responds simply with a small shrug. His eyes drop to where he is fiddling with the chain attached to the plug. James gets the impression Remus is hiding something but he doesn't question him. It isn't his business to know, otherwise Remus would tell him.
"Did you guys have fun then?"
"Yeah." Remus' face breaks out into a grin that James has never seen before. "We found this crab that was trapped in some plastic netting and Sirius saved it. He even swam out into the ocean and set it free away from the shore so it would have a higher chance of avoiding any fishing gear again. I can't believe he swam into the ocean in the middle of winter. He's crazy."
"Yeah, he once told me that he can't actually feel the difference in temperature between the sea in the summer and the sea in the winter," James nods, eyes wide. "You're right, he is crazy. I'm surprised he didn't get hypothermia."
They speak a bit more about the holidays and then move on to speak about what they got for Christmas. James tells Remus all about the broom his parents got for him and Remus nods along with what James says even if he doesn't like Quidditch. Remus has always been a good listener.
"I bet Sirius already has a dozen ideas for pranks," James murmurs fondly. "I feel like we haven't pranked anyone in ages."
"James, it's been like a month," Remus snorts.
"Exactly," he says, "ages."
Eventually, they leave the bathroom and join the other boys. Sirius and Peter are in the middle of an intense game of chess - their words, not James' - and Frank is lying beside them on the floor, flipping through a Quidditch magazine. James goes over to join him and they fawn over the Quidditch players, wishing they could be just like them. James doesn't miss the way Remus immediately resigns to his bed. The full moon is in four days, so he probably has a headache.
Lifting his wand, James casts a silencing spell around them, so that Remus can have some peace and quiet while the rest of them continue to talk. Peter ends up winning the round of chess and Sirius huffs before kicking one of his own pawns across the room. He has never been able to beat Peter, none of them have, except for maybe Remus.
It isn't long before the rest of them get changed into their pyjamas and then head off to bed too. Frank lights the candle in the middle of the room out of habit and James feels so grateful for his friends. Smiling, he crawls into his bed and waits for an hour until he is sure the other boys are asleep.
He sneaks out of his bed and grabs his invisibility cloak. Remus has the map this week, so James finds it sitting out beside Remus' bed. He snatches it up and hurries over to the door. When James exits the common room through the portrait of the Pink Lady, he opens the map and finds the astronomy tower at record speed. He grins at the sight of Regulus' name written in brown ink. He wonders if Regulus is waiting for him or if he doesn't care whether James shows up or not. James thinks they have gotten closer recently and would even consider Regulus a friend.
A giddy sensation tickles his stomach at the thought of finally being able to call Regulus his friend. It feels like it has been a long time coming, since that very first day they met. James isn't sure if Regulus would dub James his friend and is too afraid to ask, not wanting to face rejection. He isn't sure why the idea of having Regulus as a friend feels so important to him, considering the way he avoided making friends at the beginning of first year. There's something different about Regulus though. He isn't like James' other friends. With Remus and Sirius and Pete, James is so relieved to have found them and now he can't imagine ever not knowing them. But with Regulus, he felt attached to him before he really knew who he was and ever since he discovered him, there has been a part of himself that has been reaching out for Regulus, just waiting for him to reach back.
James thinks he finally is.
On the final step of the astronomy tower, James stops to tuck his cloak under the stair, placing the map beside it. He hasn't told Regulus about his invisibility cloak and isn't sure if he will. If Regulus knows about it, he will figure out that it is how the Gryffindor boys manage to sneak into the Slytherin dorms to prank them. He would rather keep it all a big secret, for now at least.
This time when James opens the door to the tower, he doesn't find Regulus sitting down by the ledge as he always has done in the past. In fact, he doesn't spot Regulus at all at first. He frowns in confusion, letting the door close behind him. He had just seen him on the map... surely he can't have gone far. Regulus must be here somewhe-
"I had a feeling you would come tonight." James jumps at the voice coming from behind him. He turns and finds Regulus standing in the shadows. He must have been behind the door when James first arrived. He smirks at James' reaction.
"Oh, that was cruel," James says, pointing a finger in his face. Regulus just shrugs and steps forward into the light, his eyes resemble storm clouds when he stands in the dark, James realises. As much as he enjoys the startling blue of them, he likes this version of them too.
"I am a Slytherin," Regulus points out, still walking forward. He passes James and doesn't stop until he reaches the iron bar that acts as a barrier between the two of them and the open air. James drifts after him, finding himself watching Regulus from afar one second and then standing right beside him the next.
"How was your Christmas? Did anything happen? Are you okay?" The questions come flooding out of him helplessly. Regulus rests his hands on the cool metal of the bar, head tilted up as if he is looking up at the stars, but his eyes are on James. He fidgets under the attention.
"Christmas was dull. Absolutely zero things happened, other than the fact that I became a godfather. I am completely fine," he answers smartly, his lips quirking slightly.
"Oh, well that's good," James sighs with relief. Then, turning back to Regulus with a surprised smile. "Wait. You became a godfather?"
"Yes." Regulus does smile now as his eyes drift off somewhere faraway, a tender expression coming about his face that James wishes to capture and frame. "His name is Nicholas."
"Oh, I think I read in the paper a few months ago that there would be a new Malfoy heir on the way. Your cousin... Narcissa, is it?"
Regulus nods. "Yes, that's her. She gave birth only three days ago, so it hasn't been published in the prophet yet."
"Well, tell her congratulations. Not from me- I mean you don't have to name me or anything- what I mean is-" James huffs, frustrated by his inarticulacy. Regulus sends him a look of mocked pity.
"Struggling?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"I'll get there," James says, facing the sky as he thinks. "Tell her, once it is published in the prophet, that one of your classmates says congratulations."
Regulus snorts and finally turns to face him properly, leaving them a foot or two apart. He is still much shorter than James, only coming up to his shoulder. If James were to hug him again, he could rest his head on top of Regulus'.
"How was your Christmas?" Regulus asks. James blinks, not having expected the question at all.
"It was alright, not very eventful. Although, Christmas day was... interesting." He grimaces as he thinks back to Christmas morning, how happy he had been only to discover there was a family out there freshly grieving. The war had been unexpected, James thinks that is what has made the discovery worse for him.
Regulus stiffens beside him and suddenly his eyes are pointed anywhere but at James. James rests a hand on the bar and slides it closer to where Regulus' is gripping it tightly, his knuckles white.
"Reg..."
"My Christmas day was alright, Scarlett came over. Did you know Dorcas is going to be a sister?" A forced smile twists its way onto his face. James pretends not to notice the obvious change in conversation.
"Really? That's great," James beams. "Sirius, I know you don't like him very much, but he is going to be an older brother soon. Maybe his sister will be in the same year as Dorcas' sibling."
"Siblings, they're twins," Regulus says, not commenting on James' mention of Sirius at all. "I think they are due in August, so they will be in the same year as Nicholas... and Tonks' sister."
"It would be funny if Nicholas ended up being best friends with Sirius' little sister. Then, maybe, you two would have to get along."
"I would rather jump off the astronomy tower," Regulus states emotionlessly. It's the blankness of his face that causes James to bark out a laugh. Regulus just stares at him curiously, like James is a very odd thing he has come across and he doesn't quite know what to do with him. James stares down at him fondly. "What are you doing?"
"What?" James questions, confused.
"Why are you looking at me like that? I just insulted your friend and threatened to jump to my death in the same sentence and you're standing there looking pleased."
"It's just..." James bites on his bottom lip, trying to stop his smile from growing but he can't really help it as it spreads across his face. He meets Regulus' eyes. "There is no one like you, Regulus Black."
Regulus frowns like he has been insulted. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"Definitely good," James jumps to clarify. "Although a few less jokes about your imminent death wouldn't do anyone any harm."
"I'll try to keep that in mind," Regulus mumbles before turning back to look at the sky. James follows his gaze, it lands on the moon, almost full. His hand slides across the bar, searching and searching and... he almost gasps when it knocks against Regulus'. He isn't sure he had been consciously looking for it, but now he's found it and his skin feels numb where their hands meet. There is something that keeps drawing me to him, James thinks but he has no clue what it could be or why.
Monday - 7th January, 1974
James has to drag himself out of bed on Monday morning for Quidditch practice. Frank is far too chipper for this early in the morning. James was at the tower with Regulus again last night, so he didn't manage to get much sleep at all. His friends all assume his eyebags and lack of sleep are caused by his nightmares, but in truth James hasn't had a nightmare for a while. Occasionally, he will dream of Harry but they don't scare him anymore. They are no longer about the day he died or his funeral or Richard Clark. Now, his dreams are filled with innocent, childhood memories that aren't tainted by their tragic reality, not until James wakes up. Even then, he doesn't mind them. It is comforting to still have Harry in his dreams, it makes it feel like he didn't completely lose him four years ago.
When they arrive at the pitch, Darius immediately gasps at the sight of James' new broom. He appears to be just as excited about it as James had been when he unwrapped it. Frank chuckles at the look of complete and utter delight on their Captain's face and James can't help but join him.
The team run a few laps of the pitch and then are given some workouts to do on their brooms by Darius, who also takes part in the exercise. By the end of it, James is convinced it is no longer winter because he has sweat literally dripping off his face. They all rush off to the showers as soon as Darius dismisses them. James and Frank end up walking up to the castle with Gideon and Fabian, who start complaining about how tiring N.E.W.Ts are and how they never have time to do anything fun anymore.
James and Frank nod along as if they can relate, even though they haven't even taken their O.W.Ls yet, being third years and all. When they reach the Great Hall, they split off from Gideon and Fabian, who go to find Edwin at the other end of the Gryffindor table. Frank and James sit down, waiting for the rest of their friends to join them.
Today will be their first official day of lessons since the Christmas break. James and Frank talk about the homework they had assigned to them for the holidays. They are soon joined by Alice, Azalia and Lily, who came down together. Alice sits down beside Frank, complaining about his wet hair. He shakes his head about in response, making James and Azalia laugh and Lily and Alice groan.
When the boys finally arrive in the Great Hall, with Mary and Marlene by their side, James notices how sallow Remus looks instantly. His face looks pale and clammy with sweat and he winces every time he steps down using his right leg. Sirius is standing beside him, locked in a conversation with Marlene, but every couple of seconds he turns to Remus with a look of deep concern.
Remus doesn't eat much at breakfast, but Sirius manages to convince him to eat at least one pancake to keep his energy up for the morning.
James has Defence first, which he usually sits beside Mary or Frank in. Today, however, they are put into pairs and asked to duel a dummy with whichever partner they end up with. Professor Shauna lectures them on how important partner duelling can be in a fight, saying it works better if you're synchronised with your partner.
Alice and Mary are put together, followed by Frank and Emmeline Vance, one of the Hufflepuffs in their year. Marlene is paired with Astro, Benji is paired with Barty, and Regulus is paired with Amycus Carrow. James almost misses his name being called, too distracted by the look of pure distain on Regulus' face when Shauna announced who he would be partnered with.
Pandora makes her way over to James' side and it takes him longer than he would care to admit for him to realise why she is standing in front of him. She smiles at him like they are best friends and pulls him over to the queue of pairs lined up in front of the practice dummy at the front of the room.
"How proficient are you at duelling, James?" She asks in a light tone.
"Umm... I'm not terrible, but I wouldn't say I am particularly skilled in that area," James responds uncertainly. He knows he will never be famous for his duelling skills, but he is capable of not getting knocked back on his arse immediately.
"I'm sure you'll do brilliantly," Pandora speaks confidently like she already knows how this lesson is going to turn out. "Partner duelling is very important, James, did you know?"
"I've never really heard much about it, to be honest."
"That's a shame, it is a very interesting topic," Pandora frowns like James not knowing about this particular form of duelling is the most disappointing thing she has ever heard. "It is sort of like dancing. You need to have a personal connection to the person you are partnered with, or be very skilled at improvising."
"Let's hope we're skilled then," James comments, laughing quietly.
"Hmm," Pandora hums like she's just had a very interesting thought. "Personally, I think I know you well enough to not have to rely on my improvisation skills."
James isn't sure he necessarily agrees with that statement but Pandora says it with such certainty that he finds it difficult to doubt her. Professor Shauna calls for their attention and James turns to the front of the room to listen. She explains that she will be charming the practice dummy to be able to shoot spells back but when they hit them, they will not be harmed and the spells will just bounce off them. The trick is to not be hit at all.
The first pair up are a couple of Hufflepuff girls who James has never spoken to before. They must be very close friends because they display signs of trust as they move around each other. Pandora was right, it is a bit like dancing. They spin around each other, careful with their footwork, and use each other's bodies to give them an advantage. It is very interesting to watch and James is suddenly grateful he wasn't at the front of the queue. Watching other pairs duel the dummy first gives him some ideas for what he and Pandora could do. They mutter ideas to each other every now and then, planning what they will do when it is their turn.
Mary and Alice work together like two pieces of string, weaving around each other intricately. There is trust here too and it is incredible to watch how two and a half years of friendship and trust has built together to form this. They look indestructible. He thinks, not for the first time, about how cool his friends are.
Frank and Emmeline go next and they work together well, but nowhere near as effectively as Mary and Alice had. It just goes to show how significant trust can be in these situations, not that he believes Frank and Emmeline do not necessarily trust each other, but they aren't friends, as far as James is aware. There is a difference between trusting a stranger and trusting someone you have known for years.
Marlene and Astro are able to beat the dummy, though Marlene does most of the work. Astro tries but he falls behind a lot, letting Marlene jump forward to defend the both of them, resulting in it effectively being a one-on-one between her and the dummy. Barty and Benji, much to James' surprise, end up working very well together. Benji is quite the giant, towering over most of the students in their year, but he is quick on his feet, able to move efficiently and gracefully. Barty, on the other hand, is a menace. He is small, compared to Benji anyway, but he is very fast. He is fast when moving around the space he has been given but he is also quick when casting spells, whether they are defensive or offensive. He jabs his wand out like it's a knife or a snake striking it's prey.
They never really touch, not like the Hufflepuff girls and Mary and Alice did. Instead, they move around each other like a yin yang, somehow managing to know each other's next step and communicating to each other using only looks or hurried gestures.
James doesn't really pay attention when it is Scarlett Stark's turn, opting to stare at the ground instead. She is paired with one of the Ravenclaw boys. When their turn is over, James finally looks back up and finds Pandora watching him. She raises an eyebrow at him like she has just caught him doing something he was trying to hide. He just smiles at her and turns back to the front of the room.
Regulus and Amycus do not work well together. How can James put this? Partnering them up is like putting two trains on either end of the same track and having them set off at full speed towards each other. They crash and ruin the tracks in their wake. James has to stop himself from laughing at one point when Regulus glares at Amycus. He watches as the idea to instead start duelling Amycus passes through Regulus' mind, but he inevitably decides against it.
They do end up beating the dummy, but only after Regulus physically pushes Amycus out of the way, his temper taking control, and shoots a stunner so powerful at the dummy that it goes flying into the wall behind it.
There is one more pair to go before it is Pandora and James' turn. The students that have already gone crowd together at the back of the room. Some of them are talking to each other, whilst others are avidly watching the duelling proceedings.
When it is finally James and Pandora's turn, they step forward, Pandora with more confidence than James is able to muster. Still, he is a Gryffindor for a reason, so he holds his head high and points his wand towards the enchanted dummy in a way that he hopes looks threatening. Pandora is the first to shoot a spell at the dummy, it blocks it and then sends one back her way but she literally twirls away from it, completely averting the attack. James shoots a stunner towards the dummy, hoping to catch it off guard as it watches Pandora skip behind James. Unfortunately, he is not so lucky.
James ends up adopting Pandora's twirl method when avoiding the threat and they circle around each other, hurtling spells towards the dummy and protecting each other using shield charms. If James had to compare it to any dance, he would say it felt most like the Scandinavian waltz, only much more fast paced. It's thrilling, fighting like this. He feels like he has more control over his body and the way it moves, where before when he would duel by moving in more striking movements, sort of to how Barty had, he would feel rigid and predictable. If there is one thing you don't want to be when you are duelling someone, it's predictable.
The dummy shoots a spell towards James that sizzles through the air; at the exact same time Pandora deflects it with a swift flick of her wrist, James fires a body-bind towards the dummy. It hits it square in it's chest - or where it's chest would be if it were a real person. Then, Pandora disarms it and catches it's makeshift wand in her hand, delicately grabbing it out of the air as it propels her way.
James is panting by the time it is over, but he has a wide grin on his face that he hadn't been expecting. When he turns to Pandora, she is already beaming at him, cheeks flushed pink from exertion and eyes twinkling.
After Defence, James has Potions and heads off that way with Marlene and Alice, who are in the class with him. When they arrive, Slughorn is already behind his desk at the front of the room. He smiles brightly at James but completely ignores Alice and Marlene, which he feels is a bit rude. He makes his way over to his table in the corner and only has to wait a minute for Regulus to arrive. They were just in the same class before this one, after all.
He makes his way over with Pandora, smiling sweetly at her as they speak. Pandora takes her seat at the table in front, just beside Lily who grins at Pandora's arrival. Regulus sits down next to James and starts to unpack his bag. James glances around the room and finds Alice and Barty sitting side by side. The last time James checked, those two were on the outs and hadn't spoken to each other since Frank was in the hospital wing after the prank the Slytherins pulled on the Gryffindor boys. James remembers congratulating Regulus on the creative idea. He isn't very happy about what happened to Frank, but he also knows they didn't intend for him to have an allergic reaction to it. Besides, they have literally set loose crates and crates of snakes in the Slytherin boys' dorm room before, so he doesn't think he has the right to get upset about a little payback.
James is surprised to find Alice and Barty talking. He wonders if it has anything to do with what Regulus needed Alice for on the train.
"Are they friends again?" He asks Regulus, gesturing with his a flick of his chin in the direction of Alice and Barty. Regulus, finally settling his bag on the ground, gazes across the classroom, a subtle smile forming on his face at the sight of the two of them talking.
"I think so," he replies, turning back to James. "I asked Alice to speak with him about it because she always used to claim they were best friends but she wasn't really acting like she cared about Barty at all. Christmas wasn't... great for him, so I meddled a little bit."
James thinks back to the few howlers Barty received at the end of the winter term. They were all from his father, by the sounds of it, and they were all terrible. James had gotten the strange desire to march his way across the hall and wrap Barty up in a hug, even though they weren't friends and had barely even spoken to each other.
He looks back over to where Barty is shyly smiling at Alice, who is saying something to him, and he smiles at the sight of them being friends again.
"I'm really glad you did that," James voices. "She may not have said it, but I could tell it was weighing on Alice too."
"Things still aren't great," Regulus mumbles, staring troubledly at Barty. "So, if you notice Fortescue spending all of her free time with Longbottom, I'm going to need you to hint to her that she has other people that need her too."
"Okay," James agrees with a nod. "I hope Barty is okay," he adds in a whisper, not sure if he should be saying it at all. Regulus glances at him and nudges James' pinkie with his own.
"He will be," he replies just as quietly.
James goes to face the front of the classroom and finds Lily watching him and Regulus with a suspicious expression. She narrows her eyes at James like she is accusing him of something or perhaps searching for something. What? He doesn't know.
They stare at each other intensely for at least a minute until Lily eventually turns back around to listen to what Slughorn is saying. James isn't sure why but he feels like he has done something wrong. It lingers on his mind for the rest of the lesson.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
tad = father (Welsh)
mam = mother (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-little Hugo introduction there! also, Remus knowing French <3
-poor Sirius :( thank God for Remus Lupin <3
-Lily can play the guitar! band au when?
-Remus and Lily sussing out Jegulus before they are even together is so funny to me
-Sorry about the little war hints, I don't like them either 😔
-I love all the Gryffindors just lounging about together in the common room, it's just nice
-The Regulus and James friendship is slowly killing me, they are so cute
- Frank, Alice, Azalia <3 I love them :(
-Pandora and James as a duo is something I didn't realise I needed, but just the idea of them twirling about whilst fighting an enchanted dummy is hilarious 😭
-Pandora's like: I see what you're doing, James. I know you don't like Scarlett, I also know why 😏
-Mary and Alice duo shoutout <3 Barty and Benji duo shoutout <3
-Everyone else duelling: *heavy metal/rock music* Pandora duelling: *la la la la la*
-James caring about Barty :(
-Okay, so I just wanted to come on here quick and explain Sirius' thought process as of right now. He grew up with parents that were very supportive of who he is and let him be whoever he wanted to be. So, he already had an idea about who he was in his head and it's sort of just been shattered. I'm writing him in a way that I feel is realistic, so he will have days where it weighs more heavily on him, which means he will be angrier or upset during those days. But then, like most other issues, he will have days where he feels okay again and it doesn't feel like this great, terrible thing. This won't be forever, but it will be for a little while. Remember, he is only fourteen and it is a lot to take in. <3See you guys next week! Thank you so much for 16,000 hits - I swear I was thanking you for 15k last week, that's actually crazy! I appreciate you all <3333
Chapter 39: Third Year: You Might Just Be Perfect, I Fear
Summary:
Sirius and Regulus get into a fight.
The Gryffindors prank the Slytherins.
Valentine's Day.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-child abuse warning (hinted at that they get beat up by their parent)
-a child is put under the imperius curse
-mentions of an arranged marriage
-brief mention of scars
-bruises
-brief mention of childbirth (nothing graphic)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You're the star I look for every night,
When it's dark, you'll stick right by my side.
~ The Neighbourhood
Tuesday - 8th January, 1974
Regulus
Regulus is overjoyed to see that Barty and Alice have finally made up. On the train back to Hogwarts, Barty had been completely silent the entire time, not once taking part in a conversation. Whenever Evan tried to speak to him, he would simply ignore him and stare out the window. Even Pandora couldn't seem to get through to him. Regulus didn't even try, knowing nothing any of them did would help, not then. Who Barty really needed was Alice.
So, about an hour before they were due at Hogsmeade station, Regulus excused himself from the compartment and went in search for Alice. Unfortunately, he found her amongst the rest of the third year Gryffindors, which meant having to face both Tonks and James. Regulus had been dreading both for entirely separate reasons.
Luckily for him, he only had to ask Alice to follow him and she did so instantly. Regulus left before Tonks had the opportunity to say anything to him, not that he would have listened. Regulus made sure not to look in James' direction, not that he thinks anyone would have noticed. He just didn't want to see the question that he was sure James show on James' face. It would have been far too difficult not to reassure James that, even though he spent the last two weeks stuck in the same house as his mother, he was completely fine.
Once Alice followed him out, Regulus let her lead the way, sparing a single glance back towards the compartment and finding just what he had expected - James was watching him with poorly disguised concern. Regulus turned away and hurried after Alice who was already standing in the doorway of the next compartment along, apparently barren compared to the rest that were full of students.
It hadn't taken very long to convince her to speak to Barty again. Convince isn't quite the correct word, actually. As soon as Regulus mentioned the state Barty had been in for the past few weeks, Alice was quick to agree that she should talk to him. Regulus might have laid it on a bit thick to make her feel bad, but she had sort of just abandoned Barty over a simple mistake he made after claiming to be his best friend since they were born.
After Alice promised him she would speak to Barty over the next weekend, Regulus left her to go back to her friends.
Barty didn't speak a word to any of them until they returned to the dormitory, and by then the girls had gone off to theirs, so it was just Barty, Evan and Regulus. It was Evan who decided to break the silence first, asking Barty how his birthday went, probably hoping it would be a good way to get Barty to say something without putting too much pressure on him.
It didn't go as Evan had planned.
"My birthday?" Barty had asked, his eyebrows bent like he was confused by the concept of birthdays altogether. "I didn't have one this year."
"What? Of course, you did," Evan said, watching Barty with heavy concern in his eyes.
"No, I didn't," Barty spoke quietly. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, hands in his lap, eyes on the ground. "I wasn't... I don't remember it."
"Barty," Regulus had spoken up then, stepping off his own bed and slowly approaching Barty's. He crouched down in front of his friend, meeting his eyes. Barty's eyes were blank in a way that felt provoked rather than chosen, like someone had been forcing him to stare at a wall for days on end. "What do you mean you don't remember your birthday?"
Barty's fists were clenching and then unclenching and then clenching again, his eyes closed and pressed tightly shut. "I went home to talk to Alice, but she wasn't there. I had to face him and she wasn't there."
"What happened, Barty?"
His expression finally dropped, like he was envisioning what had happened for the first time. A strained sob ripped itself free from his throat and he arched forward like he was going to be sick. "Do you remember what I told you? What he does to me?"
Regulus nods, not capable of repeating the words out loud. Something Barty told Regulus and Evan months ago, how his father beats him until he passes out, beats him until he almost... He shakes the memory of Barty telling him that away, not able to even think about it without feeling an unsurmountable rage that he can't quite control. It's odd because he doesn't feel this anger whenever it's his own mother punishing him for his wrongdoings, but when it is happening to his friends... Regulus has never felt so mad.
"He left me alone for the first week, so I thought I was fine. I thought he wouldn't... But then the day after Christmas arrived and it was like he remembered I was home. He did it every single day." Barty's hands begin to tremble, so Regulus reaches out slowly to place a hand over Barty's shaking fists. "Every single day. I don't remember my birthday, nor the day after that. Whenever I was conscious, he had me under the Imperious Curse, so I don't really remember much of anything."
Regulus gasps in shock. He knows Barty's father is a terrible man, but he hadn't really gotten the impression that he would use an illegal curse, especially on his own son. He is supposed to be working his way up to being the Minister for Magic, and instead he sounds like someone from Regulus' family.
It was only then that Regulus remembered Evan was in the room with them too. There was the sound of wood splintering and a faint scent of something that smelled like a bonfire. Regulus turned to Evan and found his hand clenched around one of the wooden poles around his bed. Where his fingers met the wood, there were now five burn holes. Evan rarely loses control of his magic, much less than Regulus and Barty do, so this was surprising to witness.
Barty didn't seem to notice.
"He hid my letters," Barty had croaked, finally opening his eyes to stare at Regulus. "I'm sorry. I didn't get any until the note you sent me. By then, I was under the Imperious and my father had ordered me to bring any letters to him. In my mind, I didn't count it as a letter, so I guess I managed to find the loophole. He didn't command me not to write back because, well, I suppose he didn't think I would be able to work my way around the curse."
"Why did you tell me you were safe? I could have-" Regulus cut himself off. What could he have done? It wasn't like he could have gotten Barty to run to his house, living with Walburga would be worse.
"There is nothing you could have done," Barty shook his head, a sad smile played at his lips. "I said I was safe because I wasn't dead."
"Fucking hell," Evan growls in a way that had shocked both Regulus and Barty into looking over at him. Evan blanched a bit under the attention, like he had only just realised what he had done. "Sorry," he said in a much calmer voice. "I just... I hate your father so much. I wish- I wish we could get you out of there."
"I know, Ev," Barty nods. "But it's just not possible."
They all got it, what Barty didn't say. Neither Evan, nor Regulus could help Barty by offering him shelter at their houses because their parents were just as terrible.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Regulus had asked, turning back to Barty with a gentle smile. Barty shook his head and so they had moved on from the subject.
Over the weekend, just as she said she would, Alice spoke to Barty and ever since then he has let himself smile whilst walking through the corridors, laugh at his friends when they are being funny. He isn't quite back to his regular self, though Regulus fears Barty might never be that version of himself ever again, not after the Christmas he had. That sort of thing changes a person. Throughout the few days since their return, Regulus has caught Barty staring into space, tremoring like he can't help it, almost like he is still under his father's Imperious Curse.
Regulus can't believe Barty's father put him under it, he knows how terribly it can affect the mind if used too often or too harshly. Regulus knows what it is like, having been under it a few times himself by his mother. The feeling of being restricted, of not having the ability to act or speak freely is one of the most terrifying things Regulus has ever experienced. It makes you feel like a puppet being pulled around my invisible strings, being forced to do things you would never do by choice. It is one of the reasons he dislikes being touched so much. He can control who physically touches him, so he makes sure people know that. Being under the Imperious Curse means not having a choice whether someone touches you or not. Regulus has had to deal with that far too many times, to the point where now he likes it when people ask permission first to touch him rather than just doing it.
During dinner on the Tuesday of their first official week back, Pandora hops over to their table as she always does, only this time she comes bearing a gift. She holds it out to Barty, a bright smile painted across her face, and grows more excited when he takes it.
"What's it for?" Barty questions, carefully pulling back the wrapping paper. A blanket that Pandora has obviously crochetted herself comes tumbling out. It's dark green and grey, with light blue stitching that pops out brightly against the moodier colours.
"It's a late birthday present. Sorry, it took me longer to make than I thought it would. I wanted you to be able to take it home, but it wasn't finished yet," Pandora explains, taking a seat between Barty and Dorcas.
"Thanks, Pan," Barty says with a soft smile, which Pandora returns.
"It isn't just any usual blanket," Pandora adds, shuffling closer to Barty on the seat and pointing at the blanket. "You see how it shimmers when you move it? That's because I've put some enchantments on it, so if you have been hit by any spells you can just put this blanket over you and it will fix you. Sort of like Finite Incantatem."
"Oh," Barty breathes, his mouth dropping into a frown. Regulus knows what he is thinking: If Pandora had made this in time for Christmas, Barty might not have had to suffer under the Imperious for so long. Still, it isn't Pandora's fault, she can't control what Barty's father is going to do. So, Barty tucks it away under the table for now and thanks Pandora by pressing a small kiss to her temple.
They fall back into their conversation, bringing Pandora up to speed. They had been talking about the Defence lesson they had the day before. Regulus was paired with Amycus of all people. He almost despises Professor Shauna for having the audacity to partner him up with his ex-roommate. He thought he was done with that boy forever. It had been terrible and Regulus ended up literally pushing Amycus out of the way, too frustrated to deal with him and that lesson any longer, before stunning the practice dummy so powerfully that it went crashing into the wall behind it. He hadn't meant to lose control of his magic like that, especially not so publicly, but he couldn't help it.
He has been very frustrated recently, thinking about the attack in the newspaper and how his mother's mouth had twisted into a cruel sneer. Every time he thinks about it, it makes him feel sick to his stomach. Then, there are the secret meetings his parents kept sneaking off to, as well as Evan and Pandora's father. Scarlett informed him that her mother has been disappearing too, but her father never joins her. He wonders if it is all linked and if their parents might all be meeting up somewhere. For what reason, Regulus has no idea.
On top of all that, he had to work with Amycus. Yeah, it makes sense that he had a sudden magical outburst in the middle of their Defence class. He should have seen it coming from a mile away.
Evan groans from where he is sat beside Regulus. The five of them all turn to stare at him with confused looks. Evan looks off to the side and then back at his friends before leaning in suspiciously. They all crowd closer, though Pandora is now wearing a knowing look on her face like she knows exactly what Evan is about to tell them.
"You see that girl over there?" Evan points down the Slytherin table to where all of the second year Slytherin students are sitting. Regulus' eyes land on a girl with honey-blonde hair, that is styled in plaits, and brown eyes that look far too big for her tiny head. She is laughing with a couple of other Slytherin students, playing with one of her braids. "My father would like me to marry her."
"Who is she?" Scarlett asks, also staring at the younger girl.
"Holly Travers," Evan replies with a grimace. "He says it is about time I find a match and seeing as I am incapable," he raises his fingers into air quotes, "of finding a wife myself, father has taken it into his own hands to do so."
"Do you even know who she is?" Dorcas speaks up next, her mouth full of food. Regulus grimaces.
"Never met her in my life. I only know her name because my father has been educating me on her family for the last two weeks." Evan rolls his eyes and stares down at his plate, a look of deep contemplation growing on his face. "I don't want to marry her."
Regulus and Scarlett's eyes meet and it's like they both know what the other person is thinking. They don't want to marry each other either, it is being forced upon them by their parents. Regulus cares about Scarlett, that's true, but he wants to be her friend not her future husband. He knows she feels the same way, he just wishes things could be simpler for them.
"It could be worse," Barty says, eyes still on Holly Travers. "I mean, at least he didn't settle on Alecto, right?"
Evan glances up at Barty, just staring at him for a long time like he wants to tell him something very important. Then, he sighs and smiles slightly. "I guess, you're right. Maybe you will have to marry Alecto instead."
At the look of absolute horror on Barty's face, they all burst into laughter.
"I should just marry Dorcas, that way I at least know I will love whoever I am marrying," Barty smirks, reaching over Pandora to rest his hand on Dorcas' shoulder. She scoffs and knocks his hand off.
"I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth, Junior," Dorcas states with full certainty before taking another bite of her food. Barty lets out a series of disbelieving sounds. "It isn't that I don't reciprocate that love. I just don't love you in that sense. Besides, you are not my type."
"Since when do you have a type?" Barty rolls his eyes.
"Since always, you've just never asked me before," Dorcas replies with a shrug. Barty opens his mouth, probably to ask Dorcas what her type is, but she interrupts him. "Don't. I'm not telling you, you would never leave me alone if you knew."
"Oh, I see," Barty says pensively, nodding slowly. "It's me, isn't it? I'm your type." He smirks.
"She literally just said you aren't her type, Grouch," Scarlett points out. Barty glares at her.
"It's called hard to get, Stimp," Barty retorts. Scarlett just tuts and turns back to her dinner. "Is it Evan then?"
"No, Evan isn't my type," Dorcas says, almost as if she is indicating Evan is someone else's type. Evan glances up at Dorcas with fearful eyes.
"Nonsense, look at him, he's adorable," Barty coos, reaching across the table to pinch Evan's cheek. Evan swats his hand away with a scowl.
"I have a type, too," Pandora tunes in out of nowhere.
"And who is your type, Pan? Or are you going to be oddly reserved about it, too?" Barty asks, narrowing his eyes at Dorcas from over Pandora's head. Dorcas flips him off.
"Someone who is very nice and smart," Pandora nods like she has settled a very important matter. "Yes, that."
"Anyone in particular?" Evan inquires, curiously.
"Not yet," Pandora shrugs, smiling, "but I do have plans for the future."
"Oh, yes!" Barty gasps like he has just discovered world peace. "You can see things. Does that mean you know who we are all going to marry, or not marry?"
"Mhm," Pandora hums with a resolute nod.
"Cool," Barty whispers. Then, a bit louder, "Is Evan going to marry that Hally girl?"
"Holly," Evan corrects and Barty ignores him like he really couldn't care less.
"Maybe, maybe not," Pandora responds mysteriously. Barty groans. "Sorry, sweetheart, but I can't tell you these things."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Barty grumbles, softening a bit because of the pet name Pandora uses for him when she is trying to make him feel better about something.
Once dinner is over, they all make their way back to the Slytherin common room, except for Pandora who goes off with Xenophilius Lovegood. They spend the rest of the evening getting some homework done - or in Barty's case, throwing paper aeroplanes into the fireplace.
Regulus is just glad to see him looking better, even if there are still bruises covering his body, dark circles under his eyes that indicate he hasn't slept properly in weeks, and tremors still making his hands shake.
Wednesday - 9th January, 1974
When Regulus hates someone, he doesn't do it halfway. He will loathe them with every minuscule inch of his being. He will glare at them and pray that they set on fire. When he hates someone, it turns into an obsession. Or, at least, he thinks it would if he hated multiple people. He hates his mother, of course, but it's different because she is one of his parents. Regulus is talking about people in general here. The only other person he hates is Sirius Tonks. It might sound a bit extreme, the way he hates so passionately, but it is his reality. He spends nights going over interactions he has with Tonks, hating him more and more. He plans pranks with Evan and Barty simply to indulge in his hatred for Sirius Tonks. Whenever Tonks interacts with him, Regulus wants to burn him, literally. He wants to see him erupt into flames.
The Black family madness might finally be getting to him.
Regulus inadvertently promised James he wouldn't provoke Sirius anymore, not that he had done much provoking in the previous years, it was always Tonks' job. However, that was last year, and technically James had been asking Tonks and not him, so does it really count? Regulus doesn't think so. Either way, it is difficult for him to ignore someone openly seeking a reaction out of him.
It starts at the end of their Charms class. Regulus hates Wednesdays because not only does he have seven periods that day, he also has Astronomy in the evening, which means he has to attend eight lessons before he can go to bed.
Dorcas is in his Charms class, so they always sit together and do the tasks together. Once Flitwick dismisses them, Regulus tries to quickly shove his work into his bag, wanting to rush off to the Great Hall to grab a snack before having to run off to Arithmancy, which he has with Evan and Barty. On the way to the door, he decides to neaten his bag a bit, seeing the untidy, bent pieces of paper hanging out of it. What he doesn't expect is to walk straight into someone.
At first, he thinks it might have been Dorcas trying to get his attention, but when he looks up he finds Sirius Tonks glaring at him. Regulus sighs. He can't be bothered to deal with this today. He really is very tired.
"Watch where you're going, Black," Tonks grumbles through gritted teeth. Pettigrew is standing beside him, hand in his pocket where his wand likely is, as if he is prepared to fight. Regulus rolls his eyes.
"Why don't you watch where you're going," Regulus snaps back. "Oh, and while you're at it, perhaps control your pet." He gestures to Pettigrew, whose face turns red with a mixture of embarrassment and anger.
"Don't call him that," Tonks raises his voice at the same time he raises his wand. Regulus stares at the end of it, careful not to show any fear. The last time someone had their wand pointed at him like this, it was his mother. Yeah, no, he tries not to think about that.
"Oh no, what are you going to do? Throw a snake at me? Set off a ringing in my head? I wouldn't expect you of all people to recycle hits you've already thrown, Tonks." So, he might be provoking him a little bit, but Regulus is in a dreadful mood. Who can blame him, really?
"Regulus," Dorcas whispers, trying to get his attention. He ignores her and she doesn't try to drag him away. It is only then that Regulus realises they are still in the entry to the Charms classroom. Flitwick is nowhere to be seen, so Regulus imagines he has finished teaching for the day.
"Actually, recycling is good, maybe you should try it sometime," Tonks retorts and Regulus can't help the laugh that bursts free from his chest.
"Excellent comeback as ever," Regulus sneers, pulling his own wand subtly out of his pocket. "Are you going to use that," he gestures to the wand still in his face, "or are you just going to stare at me all day?"
"Depulso," Tonks yells and Regulus throws up a shielding charm to protect himself. He chucks a spell Tonks' way, meanwhile noticing Pettigrew has now completely withdrawn his wand. Regulus' spell doesn't hit, so whilst Tonks is protecting himself, Regulus puts a disillusionment charm on himself.
"Shit, Pete, where'd he go?" He hears Tonks say, his eyes search frantically around the open space for him. Regulus looks at Dorcas who appears to be just as confused as Tonks and Pettigrew are. She also looks a bit mad, which might be Regulus' fault.
"Incarcerous," Regulus whispers. He hasn't moved from where he was when he disappeared. Pettigrew's hands snap to his back, tied together by thick rope. Tonks' head snaps to the side as he looks at his friend with worry. Then, Regulus casts a Petrificus Totalus on Tonks, who drops like a lead balloon. He removes the disillusionment charm from himself and glares down at Tonks, whose eyes follow him. Pettigrew is still struggling to get his hands free.
"Next time you feel like bothering someone, choose Snape," Regulus says in a deadly calm voice. He picks up his bag and rearranges his classwork so it is much neater than it was before. Then, he heads towards the door, listening as Dorcas follows after him. "Oh, and Tonks? Don't try to duel me again, it really isn't your strong suit."
They exit the classroom and by then, Regulus doesn't have enough time to stop by the Great Hall before his next lesson begins. Dorcas hurries to catch up to him as he speeds through the castle to his Arithmancy class, not wanting to be late.
"That was..."
"I know, I'm sorry," Regulus stops and runs a hand through his hair. "That was a bit intense, I didn't really intend for it to be. I just really hate him."
"I wasn't going to blame you at all, actually," Dorcas says, surprising him. She smirks, raising an eyebrow. "You were quite impressive in there, Reggie."
Regulus huffs out a small laugh and continues walking. "Thanks," he responds after a little while. "Please, don't call me Reggie."
Regulus sort of expected James would hear about Regulus' little tiff with Tonks and Pettigrew. What he didn't expect was for James to seek him out right after Arithmancy by literally dragging him into an alcove. Regulus whips his wand out immediately, before he knows who it is, and slams the person into the opposite wall. They grunt and that is when Regulus gets a good look at James, who now has Regulus' wand pressed to his throat.
"Merlin," James wheezes, swallowing in a way that makes his Adam's apple stick out more than usual. Regulus looks away from it. "Would you mind putting that away? I think you've used your wand enough for one day."
Regulus drops his hand and tucks his wand back into his pocket, ignoring James' piercing stare. For some reason, he feels ashamed. It's a gross feeling that he isn't comfortable with.
"So, I assume you heard what happened," Regulus says, not really asking.
"Yeah," James nods. "Hey, Reg, look at me, would you?"
Regulus huffs and refuses, eyes focusing on one of the flagstones on the ground. He wonders where Evan and Barty think he went off to. Surely, they have noticed by now that he's gone. Before he can begin to worry about that, James slowly reaches out, waiting long enough to give Regulus a chance to pull away before cupping his jaw and turning his head to look at him. Regulus glares.
"There he is," James smiles and Regulus feels his shame melt a bit at the words. James doesn't seem angry at him, not that Regulus would care if he was. "I'm sorry about Sirius, he's been a bit all over the place really. Honestly, I'm not sure what's going on with him, but he's been a bit temperamental all week."
"I shouldn't have provoked him," Regulus mumbles quietly, eyes on James'. "Or called Pettigrew his pet."
James bites down on his lips like he is trying to stop himself from laughing. He clears his throat. "Yeah, Sirius is quite protective of Pete. That wasn't a very good move."
"It's just been a very long day and I really wasn't in the mood-"
"It's alright," James assures him, ducking a bit to catch Regulus' eye again. He hadn't realised he had been looking away to begin with. "I just wanted to make sure you were- how you were doing."
"Why? If Tonks knew you were here asking me that, he would probably set fire to the school," Regulus states like it's incontestable.
"Because I don't like it when people are mean to you, even if they happen to be my best friends," James replies simply like those words don't make something inside Regulus take flight. "Are you alright?" He repeats.
"I'm fine," he murmurs. "Believe it or not, I can hold my own."
"Oh, I believe it." James chuckles under his breath and only explains when Regulus stares at him in bewilderment. "In DADA, you handled that dummy all by yourself." Regulus feels his face flush red at the memory of himself losing control. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Feel bad about it," James clarifies, reaching out to knock their hands together. "I thought it was a very impressive display of magic."
Regulus rolls his eyes. "Yes, well, you would. You're impressed by everything."
"That's because I think people are very impressive. Especially you," he whispers the last part, so Regulus almost doesn't catch it.
"We should get going..." Regulus mumbles, not quite sure if he said the words out loud. He looks up and finds James already watching him, his eyes only a couple of inches away from Regulus' own. He swallows before taking a quick step back. "We, er, need to get to dinner."
"Right," James nods. "You leave first and I'll follow after five minutes?" It's said as a question, so Regulus nods before exiting the shallow alcove and hurrying down the corridor. He only glances back over his shoulder once and when he does he sees James leaning against the inside of the alcove, eyes closed, a gentle smile on his face.
After dinner, Regulus and his friends decide to go and visit Hagrid. They haven't seen him since they returned to school and Pandora and Evan miss him. It is dark outside by the time they reach his hut, so he tells them to hurry in. Ever since Remus got attacked by something from in the forest, the teachers have had stricter rules about students staying inside the castle walls after dark, so they usually have to sneak down to visit Hagrid now.
Hagrid asks them how their lessons are going before offering them all gigantic mugs of tea. He tells them all about the family of Thestrals he found in the forest when he was last out there. Pandora starts asking him questions about which creatures he finds out there. Scarlett, who had warmed to Hagrid just as quickly as the rest of them, jumps in every now and then to talk about the lack of freedom some of the creatures have. She's been particularly interested in centaurs recently, so when Hagrid brought up his friend Firenze, who is a centaur, Scarlett started asking a tirade of questions that kept Hagrid busy for the next hour.
Evan, Barty and Regulus talk to Hagrid about Quidditch and how the season has been going for them so far. Regulus explains how they will be going against Gryffindor next and, depending on the point score, it might determine if one of the houses do not make it to next month's game. Hagrid, even though he is a Gryffindor, wishes them luck and tells them he hopes they win.
Eventually, they make their way back to the castle and narrowly avoid getting caught by Filch. It isn't technically after curfew yet, but they still aren't allowed outside the castle, so if they get caught sneaking back in they will definitely be in trouble and at risk of getting detentions.
All of them, except for Scarlett, have Astronomy at ten p.m. that night. So, they meet up in the common room at half-past nine, not wanting to be late since they are in the dungeons and it always takes ages to get all the way up to the astronomy tower. Regulus knows Tonks and James will be in this class, which he tries not to think about. Tonks for obvious reasons and James because ever since seeing him earlier, Regulus has felt a bit funny. He thinks James might have a stomach bug and possibly gave it to him because he has been feeling sick all evening.
When they arrive, it is only five minutes before their lesson is set to begin. Regulus ignores the few Gryffindors that are grouped together, instead starting a conversation with Pandora.
When Professor Sinistra finally allows them inside, they all drag their feet, clearly no one wants to be here this late on a school night. Pandora and Xenophilius look to be the only two people excited to be here.
Regulus ends up sitting between Evan and Pandora, sharing a microscope with Pandora. Evan shares with Barty, and Dorcas with Florence Spring, one of the Hufflepuff girls. Tonight, they are focusing on the Canis Major, which has Regulus rolling his eyes. Professor Sinistra goes on a tangent about how Canis Major's constellation bears the brightest star in the sky - the Sirius star.
From across the small space, Regulus watches as Tonks puffs out his chest and flicks his hair over his shoulder. James laughs quietly at his idiot friend. Regulus doesn't like that James is here with Tonks, in the tower they share at night. He doesn't know why, but he hates it.
He copies down notes and then gets to work with Pandora, trying to identify every star in the constellation and writing down their ascension, declination and apparent magnitude. It is all boring work that Regulus already knows like the back of his hand by now. His mother has had him educated in Astronomy since he could write.
At one point during the lesson, Pandora wanders over to where Xenophilius is working with some Hufflepuff boy, leaving Regulus alone. Evan, Barty and Dorcas are a little bit away from where he and Pandora had been working, plus they look to still be scribbling notes down. So, Regulus decides to just watch the stars silently instead.
It doesn't last very long.
"You fight like a coward, you know," comes Tonks' sharp voice from behind him. Regulus peers over his shoulder and rolls his eyes when he sees Tonks standing there with his arms crossed.
"I'm not sure I know what you mean," Regulus responds haughtily, silently sending a message over to James to come and retrieve his oaf of a friend. James is too busy caught up in a conversation with Lily Evans. Regulus clenches his teeth together, unreasonably frustrated by this.
"Next time, try and face me if you're going to duel me rather than disappearing. You're just like the rest of Slytherin, cowards."
Regulus spins around in his chair, face blank as he stares at the boy standing over him. He looks him once over, a look of distain making it's way onto his face. "It's a bit embarrassing that you felt the need to come over here and confront me. After all, I haven't spared you a second thought since I left you frozen on the floor."
Tonks' face twists into one of pure dislike. "What is wrong with you? You're such a- a- petite merde. Je n'arrive pas à croire que James était volontairement ami avec toi. Tu es le garçon le plus horrible que j'ai jamais rencontré et tu-"
"Non pas que tu sois bien meilleur. C'est toi qui m'as tiré dessus en premier, ou tu as déjà oublié? Tu es aussi mauvais que moi, tu aurais tout aussi bien pu être envoyé à Slytherin avec moi." Regulus doesn't even realise he has switched to French at first. He wasn't aware Tonks could speak the language for one thing, but also it comes so second nature to Regulus at this point that he can't always tell when he slips into it. It isn't until their words are cut off by James jumping in between them that Regulus realises he is no longer speaking English.
"Okay, I may not know what you're saying to each other, but I can tell it isn't very nice." James puts his hands on his hips in a way so reminiscent of McGonagall that it almost makes Regulus laugh. He doesn't, instead he glares at Tonks. "Enough is enough. Now, apologise."
"I- what?" Regulus blinks, startled, eyes jumping over to James. What?
"Apologise," he repeats.
"I'm not apologising to him," Tonks says, throwing his hand in Regulus' direction as if the other two boys had no idea who he was talking about.
"Yeah, I'm not apologising to him," Regulus echoes.
"Well, at least you guys finally agree on something," James mumbles to himself before shaking his head. "No. Right, I've had enough of this. Come on, Sirius, if you aren't going to play nice then you can go and sit with Lily like a good boy and Regulus-" James glances over at him and Regulus narrows his eyes at him. "Regulus just, I don't know, ignore him."
"Fine," Regulus sighs.
"Fine," Tonks mocks but Regulus tries to ignore him, just as James asked him to. James drags Tonks away, muttering something to him that Regulus can't hear. He is surprised Professor Sinistra didn't intervene. When Regulus looks over to where she usually sits in the corner, he finds her asleep.
***
Monday - 14th January, 1974
Sirius
"Come on, Sirius, we're supposed to leave in five minutes," James whispers. When Sirius refuses to move, James huffs and Sirius listens as his footsteps fade away. "Moony, he won't listen. Maybe we should just go without him."
Footsteps approach his bed once again and Sirius is about to yell at James to leave him alone, but it isn't James. "Sirius, if you don't get up now, we will do it without you," Remus threatens quietly, probably not wanting to wake up Frank. After another moment of silence, Remus says, "Fine. We're doing it without you."
"Wait," Sirius groans, sitting up in his bed tiredly. "Can't I have five more minutes?"
"No," Peter says from his other side and Sirius is surprised to see Peter up before he is. "We need to do this now before Slughorn wakes up. Come on, it's payback for what they did to Frank."
Sirius groans and rubs at his eyes. "Alright, fine. I'm up."
The four of them sneak down to the common room, still in their pyjamas, and throw over James' invisibility cloak once they reach the portrait of the Pink Lady. It is only four o'clock in the morning, so they aren't allowed to be roaming the corridors just yet. It's a bit difficult to squeeze them all under the thin fabric, what with Remus being unreasonably tall. They have to hunch down a bit just so their ankles are covered.
It doesn't take them very long to get down to the dungeons due to the empty halls. They have been planning their prank for the last few weeks, wanting it to be perfect. Sirius suggested they do something that would irritate Black the most, which Peter agreed with, especially after their fight in Charms. Remus was the one who said they should keep it within the dungeons rather than prank them in the Great Hall like they usually do, so to avoid getting a detention.
James had then complained about how the dungeons are like a labyrinth, so it would be difficult to figure out their way around it, even with the help of the map. This had triggered an idea by Remus who suggested warding off a section of the dungeons for the Slytherin boys to get stuck in. They brainstormed this idea for a couple of weeks, adding points in such as creating an illusion so that it feels like they are moving through the dungeon but really they would only be moving in a circle repeatedly. They decided to have it last as long as a day.
"How are we going to get them to that part of the dungeons?" Peter had asked one evening when they were writing down their plans.
"Well, if we do it on a Monday morning, Black and Crouch have Potions second period and Rosier usually walks with them to their lesson," Remus said. There was an ink stain on his bottom lip from where he had been biting on the end of his quill but the rest of them were yet to point this out.
"If we create it so that they are the only ones affected by the wards, we can prevent other students from getting stuck in the loop," James added, scribbling something down on the parchment between them.
"Sounds great, boys," Sirius had grinned.
Luckily, they know exactly where to locate Slughorn's classroom, so it isn't difficult for them to work their way through the dungeons. Sirius, James and Remus set up the wards, each making them particular to one of the Slytherin boys. For example, Sirius makes them individualistic to Black, whilst Remus does the same for Rosier and James for Crouch. Peter keeps a lookout, holding the map in his hand.
It doesn't take them very long, only an hour or so, and by then Sirius is very much awake. They have no way of testing if the wards are effective at all because they aren't Black, Rosier or Crouch, so they will just have to wait until second period. It is the second week of the month, so Peter has possession of the map, which means he will get to watch as the three Slytherins repeatedly walk around in circles all day. Sirius can't wait.
Once they are certain the wards are set up correctly, they scurry back up to Gryffindor Tower and try to sleep for another hour. Sirius remains awake, sitting on the windowsill and staring out at the Quidditch Pitch. Gryffindor lost against Slytherin during Saturday's game. Black caught the Snitch, which gave the Slytherin team an extra one-hundred and fifty points. Gryffindor were only twenty points behind, so they are still in for the next round of games as of right now. However, if Hufflepuff get at least eighty points in their next match, Gryffindor will be out for the rest of the year.
Sirius wishes he could be a part of the team, he has wanted to be since first year, even though they weren't even allowed to be on the team then. Unfortunately for him, he is good at playing as a Beater, but until the Prewett twins leave Hogwarts, Sirius won't be able to even try-out. He doesn't want Gideon and Fabian to leave. Next year will be their last and Sirius is devastated by it. He has always looked up to them, wanting to make them proud with his and his friends' pranks. Looking back on first year now, Sirius can tell that he might of had a bit of a crush on the both of them. Not that he does now.
He glances over at where Remus is asleep in his bed, his eyelashes flutter in his sleep and every now and then his right foot twitches. Sirius smiles softly as he watches the boy. He is a bit afraid of what he feels for Remus. He knows it isn't right, to like his friend like that. He wishes it wasn't Remus because he knows Remus will never like him back. Plus, Sirius treasures his friendship with Remus far too much to ruin it. Also, Remus is head over heels for a girl.
Sirius sighs and drags his eyes away from Remus to look back out the window.
None of the staff can locate the Slytherin boys. Dorcas, Pandora and Scarlett Stark apparently went to Slughorn, worried about the absences of their friends. Sirius had to hold in his laugh when he heard, not wanting to give away that he had any part in it. Dorcas even confronted Remus earlier in the day to ask if it had anything to do with him and his "stupid friends" to which Remus responded that he had no idea what she was on about.
Sirius is just glad the wards worked.
He has Divination seventh period with James and Peter and when they arrive, the Slytherin boys are still nowhere to be seen. Sirius basically skips over to their usual table and sits down happily on one of the pouffes. Their teacher announces that they will be jumping straight into Tasseography this lesson. They are told to go and grab a cup of tea from the table in the corner of the room.
They each sip down their tea and then pass their cups around; Sirius gives his to James, who gives his to Pete, who gives his to Sirius.
Sirius stares down at the clumps of tea leaves at the bottom of Peter's cup, tilting the cup around to the left and then to the right. It just looks like soggy mulch. He squints his eyes and tries to get a closer look, then glances down at the sheet of symbol definitions they have laid out on the table in front of them.
"Okay, I think I might have some idea," Sirius announces, placing Peter's cup down on the table in front of him. "I'll go first, then. I see two things, one of them looks a bit like a wonky heart, which means romance." Sirius nudges Peter cheekily with his elbow and laughs at the way the boy blushes. "And the other half sort of looks like ants... which means..." He looks back at the sheet on the table. "It is either an evil omen or represents difficulties. Oh."
"I'm sure the two symbols aren't related," Peter mumbles sounding a bit put-out. He shakes his head and smiles. "Okay, I'll go next. James," he turns to James who grins at him. "In your cup there is a wheel, which represents progress, and a chain, which represents a string of important events happening."
"Right," James nods slowly like he has no idea how those could link to his life. Sirius has no idea either, so he doesn't protest when James looks at him and starts reading out Sirius' tea leaves next. "Sirius, your cup has a sun, meaning either a new beginning or happiness, and... a skull, which symbolises- oh."
"What?" Sirius questions curiously.
"It represents death," James frowns as he stares down at the sheet. "However, the rules say that any of these symbols could be taken literally, too."
"So, what? Either I'm going to die or I'm going to come into contact with someone's skull sometime soon," Sirius scoffs. "Brilliant."
"Maybe our next cups will be better," Peter murmurs. They all get up and make their way across the room to get another cup of tea. At this rate, Sirius is going to need to excuse himself from the lesson to go to the toilet.
Sirius practically inhales his tea, ignoring the way it burns his tongue. As much as he dislikes some of these readings, it is fun to try and figure out what symbols he can find. This time, Sirius passes his to Peter, who passes his to James, who passes his to Sirius - opposite to how they did it last time.
James goes first this time, clearing his throat before he speaks. "Pete, you have something that looks like a scribble, which could be knots and those symbolise stress or anxiety. Probably end of year exam stress," James suggests. "Then, there's an arrow pointing upwards, which means you are heading in a good direction. With what, I don't know. It didn't really specify. Perhaps, exams too."
"Oh, that's not too bad," Peter says. He picks up Sirius' cup which is in front of him. "Sirius, you have a basket in your cup, which means- uh, there will be a new addition to your family, either through birth or adoption." Sirius feels his stomach sink. Both of those things could technically be true. His sister is on her way, she is a new addition, but Sirius is also sort of new. He was adopted. Maybe these tea leaves actually have a point. "There is also an archway, it's over the basket... sort of." Peter squints and tilts the cup in his hand. "Yes, an archway over your basket, meaning something will be brought together with something else."
"Okay..." Sirius frowns, thinking of what that could mean. Maybe that his little sister will be brought into the world, or that he was brought to his parents when he was a baby? He shakes his head, not wanting to worry about that right now. He picks up James' cup. "James, you have a heart in yours, which means there is romance on the way." Sirius gasps. "Do you have a crush and you didn't tell me?"
"What? No," James says quickly, his face growing pink. Sirius raises an eyebrow at him. "Not that I know of. What else does it say?"
"There are some diagonal lines that apparently mean change. Maybe your love will change you." Sirius cackles and Peter joins him. James just sits in his seat looking uncomfortable.
They do this until the lesson comes to a close. At one point, Sirius gets the Grim, which is a death omen in the Wizarding World. They all laugh it away, knowing everything in this subject is pure nonsense. Plus, Sirius believes that if he were going to die, Xeno would at least warn him first. He hopes he would, at least.
After Divination, they head straight to the Great Hall for dinner. When they return to their dormitory afterwards, the four of them huddle together on Peter's bed and watch the map where the names Regulus Black, Barty Crouch, and Evan Rosier are still walking in circles, stopping every now and then like they are trying to catch a break, only to repeat their movements of going around and around. Sirius laughs, knowing the spell on their wards won't lift until midnight, so Black will likely be very exhausted during tomorrow's lessons.
Wednesday - 30th January, 1974
Professor Palsley sets them an assignment in Muggle Studies, so Sirius pairs up with James, and Peter with Benji. They must choose a Muggle topic to research and are given a list of possible subjects they could use. Sirius allows James to pick, since he already knows what most of the topics are about and James always seems so fascinated by this class.
In the end, they settle on Muggle forms of transport in comparison to Wizard methods of travelling. They are sent out of the classroom and are instructed to start their project in the library. Some students ignore this instruction completely and take the chance to go outside and enjoy the snow. James isn't one of those students, he drags Sirius to the library, ranting on the way about how Muggles invented "big, metal birds to carry them around the world".
"-and how does it even work without magic? I mean, they must have used a levitation spell just to keep the thing in the air, right? And they must have harnessed some sort of Apparating method because they travel fourteen-thousand metres a minute, Sirius! That's not even their only way of travelling-"
Sirius dutifully listens as James begins to list out all the different ways in which Muggles travel around, adding in his elation and shock, as well as his belief that magic must play some part in it all.
"James," Sirius interrupts once they have taken their place at an empty table in the library. Peter and Benji disappear behind the shelves instead of sitting down with them. "Do you remember when Palsley mentioned what Muggle science is?"
"Yes, there are three main areas - Physics, Chemistry and Bio-something."
"Biology," Sirius corrects with a quick nod. "Yes. Well, aeroplanes were invented because of Muggles' understanding of Physics. It's all to do with airflow..." Sirius goes on to explain how the weight of the plane pushes against the lift that is offered by the air, and how the particular shape of the aeroplane's wings are an important factor in the airflow.
They resign to the Great Hall for lunch after having spent an entire hour in the library researching different types of planes.
After lunch, Sirius has Potions with Violetta Warwick.
The fact that she is a Slytherin is not the reason why he absolutely hates working with her. It's because all she ever does during these lessons is natter on about the hottest gossip - which Sirius always hears from Peter first anyway, so it's never that interesting - or ask Sirius a billion questions about Remus. It didn't take him long to figure out that Violetta obviously has a crush on Remus, which bothers Sirius to no end. If he has to listen to Violetta describe Remus' hair one more time, it'll be too soon.
Sirius doesn't know why Violetta even speaks to him at all. They don't have mutual friends, they aren't in the same house, and they have literally never spoken before. Well, not unless he counts the time he confronted Snape in Potions after he called Remus a Mudblood - Violetta had been present at the time.
She is friends with people like Mulciber and Wilkes, people who despise Sirius simply because his father is a Muggleborn. There should be no reason for Violetta to talk to him, and yet she does.
When Sirius takes his place at their usual table today, Violetta isn't there. He gets suddenly excited about the idea that she might be sick and won't make it today. However, his dreams are crushed when she hurries through the door at the last minute, sending an apology Slughorn's way before scurrying over to her seat beside Sirius. Usually, he tries to ignore her, but something about her catches his attention today. Her shirt is rumpled, almost as if someone's grabbed it, and it's untucked from her skirt. Violetta is a Pureblood, so she takes pride in how she presents herself, just like the rest of them do. It's odd to see her looking so... dishevelled.
Slughorn sets them to work instantly, they are making a healing potion today, a bit more advanced than the last one they brewed. This one is meant for deeper cuts, it heals scar tissue too if it's thin enough. Sirius wonders if one day there will be a Potion invented that can heal cursed or magical scars - he knows Remus would appreciate it. Sirius thinks Remus' scars are cool, but Remus hates them.
Sirius collects the ingredients, not trusting Violetta to do it. Last time, she ended up picking up acromantula hair instead of unicorn hair. Honestly, how could anyone mix the two up?
They brew the potion in unexpected silence, Violetta quietly working away, focusing on chopping up the dragon liver. Sirius doesn't think anything of it at first, just thankful that Violetta has finally come to realise that filling in the silence with meaningless conversation isn't always necessary.
When it is time to pour in the Bubotuber pus, Sirius lets Violetta do it. She picks up the vial containing the ingredient, her hand shakes slightly, and as she lifts it up to the cauldron she drops it. The pus lands on her sleeve and she mutters a whispered, "Shit," before putting the vial back down and reaching for her wand to clean it up. Sirius pours the remaining Bubotuber pus into the cauldron and then adds a little bit more, hoping the slight inaccuracy won't mess their potion up too much.
He turns to Violetta to check that she has cleaned herself off. She has pulled her sleeve back slightly and is grimacing down at a bruise blooming on her forearm. Bubotuber pus doesn't do that...
"Warwick?" Sirius asks gently. She jumps at the sound of his voice and rushes to right her sleeve before turning around and grinning at him.
"What? Oh, yes. Uh, I'm sure the potion will be fine," she responds in a cheerful tone. "Hey, did you hear that Isadora Lincoln and Walter Smith were-"
"What happened to your arm?" He whispers as he speaks, not wanting to draw unwanted attention to them. Violetta's smile falters slightly and then she's chuckling.
"Oh, nothing. Duelling in Defence got a bit rough is all," Violetta says with a little shrug.
"Well, to me it looked like fingerprints, but okay," Sirius murmurs and turns back to the potion. He gives Violetta plenty of time to speak up, but she doesn't.
They finish their potion in silence.
After Charms, Sirius and Peter head off to meet James and Lily in the common room. They collectively decided that they would check up on their Animagi supplies whilst Remus was off in Arithmancy. Lily should technically be in the class too, but she assures them that she already told her professor that she is sick.
They hurry down to the maze of bookshelves on the fourth floor and rush to the centre. It doesn't take them very long and once they are through Godric's secret room, they hurry through the passageway behind the tapestry of Hogwarts. Once they arrive in the basement of The Three Broomsticks, they easily find the place in the floor where their secret stash is hidden.
"We're only missing the dew now," Lily whispers excitedly. "James, are you still alright to take your broom and search for it in the Forbidden Forest?"
"Yeah, I can do it over Easter. The full moon is the day before the holidays and Remus is staying behind, so I said I'd stay with him."
"Okay, that's good. Although, I don't think you should go alone," Lily adds, troubled. "Are either of you two staying for Easter?" She points the question towards Peter and Sirius.
"No, sorry, my sister will have been born by then and I want to spend time with her," Sirius admits apologetically.
"I already told Benji I would help him come out to his parents," Peter says. They all offer their congratulations at that and Sirius sends out a silent prayer that Benji's parents will take it well.
"That's alright, I'll stay and James and I can go together," Lily nods resolutely. "Oh, I'm going to have to go on a broom, aren't I?"
"Yeah," James grimaces, patting Lily gently on the shoulder as if too reassure her. "Don't worry, Lils, it will be fun."
"Sure, yes, it will be fun. Going flying in the Forbidden Forest. On a broom. In the forest. Flying."
They hurry back through the tunnel and make it to Godric's room in fifteen minutes. When Sirius reaches the tapestry, standing at the front of the group, he turns around and smiles brightly at Lily.
"What?" She questions sceptically, already used to their pranks by now. "What have you done, Sirius Edward Tonks?"
"Oh, we're full-naming it, are we? Well, I didn't realise, Lily Josephine Evans." Sirius smirks at the horror on Lily's face. Yes, Remus might have secretly told him Lily's middle name a couple of months ago.
"Remus, that little-" Lily grumbles.
"Anyway, I haven't done anything..." Lily raises an eyebrow at him. "I haven't done anything bad," Sirius corrects, then he pulls the tapestry back. "I have, however, thrown you a party because I am the best person ever."
Lily steps into Godric's room and is instantly paraded by Mary and Marlene, who blow their party horns in her face.
"HAPPY BIRHTDAY!" Frank, Alice, Azalia and Remus announce at the same time.
In the time it took for Sirius, James, Peter and Lily to sneak to The Three Broomsticks and then get back, the rest of their friends have decorated Godric's room. The lights are covered in streamers and there's balloon-shaped glitter littering the floor. A big, hand-made sign, that Peter spent the last couple of weeks painting, is hanging up above the fireplace: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILS!
There's music playing in the background and Sirius notices Mary's record player. They've even brought down Lily's guitar.
"In case you feel like sharing some of your magic with us," Mary explains to Lily, who blushes.
"And guess what I've got!" Sirius shouts over all the excitement. Everyone turns to look at him as he pulls a large bottle of Firewhisky from behind his back. He'd taken it when they were in The Three Broomsticks.
"Oh no," Lily complains with a little laugh.
"Don't worry, you don't have to drink any if you really don't want to," Sirius grins. "But you are fourteen now, Evans, so if you want to, it's right here." He waves the bottle around.
In the end, Lily doesn't drink but Sirius, James, Peter, Alice and Mary do. None of them get drunk, just a bit tipsy, since they have school the next morning. They play a few games and chat to each other for hours on end. At the end of the night, when they stumble out of Godric Gryffindor's portrait and into the desolate common room, Lily leans in and presses a small kiss to Sirius' cheek. She smiles widely as she pulls back.
"Thanks for my party," she whispers and then scampers off towards the stairs that lead to the girls' dormitories, running after Marlene, Mary, Alice and Azalia.
The other four boys stare at him with identical expressions of shock.
"What?" Sirius frowns.
"Sorry, it's just, well..." Frank stumbles over his words.
"I thought Lily hated you," Remus says simply.
"Yeah, she probably does," Sirius snorts and starts walking over to the staircase. The others follow him closely.
"Well, why did she kiss you then?" James asks, sounding like he has been confounded by someone.
"It was on the cheek," Sirius argues, perhaps a bit shrilly.
"You blushed," Peter says.
"I did not," Sirius retorts petulantly. "Besides," he turns around to face the boys, they are outside their dorm now, "it's Lily. I don't like her like that. At all."
"Why not?" Frank asks as Sirius pushes his way through the door. "She's lovely and she's smart and-"
"Then you date her," Sirius smirks. "Although, I have a feeling Alice won't like that very much."
"You're single," James adds.
"So are you," Sirius responds and James blushes.
"Are you lot really trying to convince Sirius Tonks to ask out Lily Evans ?" Remus asks with a chuckle. Sirius turns to look at Remus, wishing he could see something like disappointment there at the idea of Sirius dating a girl, but he doesn't. Remus does look mildly uncomfortable, but that could just be because the idea of Lily and Sirius dating is actually the most traumatising thing in the world.
"Yeah, that is a bit weird, actually," Peter agrees with a nod.
"Exactly. I would never date Lily, she's like an annoying, little cousin to me," Sirius says.
"Okay, first, don't let her hear you say that," Frank chuckles, "and second, what is wrong with her?"
"Well, she is friends with Snape," Sirius lists of on his index finger, then he points to his middle finger and announces, "and I'm gay. So, I'm not sure it would really work out for us. She is a lovely girl though." He grins before hopping over to his bed. He doesn't look at any of his friends, afraid of what their reactions could be. Not that he would care. This is who he is and if they don't like it, that's their problem, not his.
Silence blankets the dormitory.
Then, rather loudly, Peter smacks open Sirius' bed curtains and stands in a halo of light with his hands on his hips. "Hold on a minute! You didn't tell me this," Peter yells, sounding offended. "Have you just always known and not said anything? Did you realise recently? Ooh! Do you like a boy? It's not Benji, is it? Hey! Eyes off my man!"
"Pete," Sirius muffles the laugh that is climbing it's way up his throat. He leans up on his hands. "I don't have a crush on Benji, as beautiful as he is, he's your man."
"Oh, well, good then."
James, Frank and Remus stand awkwardly behind Peter. Sirius looks at them all, gorging their reactions. Frank appears to be unbothered, offering Sirius a smile when he looks at him. James looks a bit confused, but overall fine, if a bit spacey. Remus... Sirius has imagined how he would someday mention his sexuality to his friends. He knew he didn't want it to be this big thing, and it wasn't. But he also knew that coming out was almost like confessing his crush on Remus. It isn't the same thing, and he knows that, but it feels the same.
Remus stares back at Sirius with inquisitive eyes, sort of like the expression he pulls when he is trying to focus in History of Magic. Sirius isn't sure if that is a good sign or not.
To his surprise, Remus is the next person to speak.
"You know, it makes sense," he says, eyebrows drawn together in thought.
"What do you mean?" Sirius frowns.
"Well, your obsession with the Prewett twins, for one," Remus replies, smirking. Sirius feels his cheeks turning red and smiles.
"Oh, shut up and let me be gay in peace." Sirius throws a pillow at Remus, who steps to the side and watches as it hits James square in the face. They all fall into hysterical laughter and then Peter throws a pillow at Frank, who grabs his own and starts whacking Peter right back. Things quickly escalate and soon they are in a full-on pillow fight. In the end, they have a late night anyway.
Thursday - 14th February, 1974
On the morning of Valentine's Day, the Marauders make their way eagerly to the Great Hall. It had been Peter who inspired their annual Valentine's Day prank this year; he had been complaining for weeks about what to get Benji and eventually settled on writing him a poem on top of a painting of a Phoenix - which is apparently Benji's favourite animal - that Peter spent the last week creating. He then groaned about how boring it would be to simply hand it over and how he didn't want to use and owl in case it left it's droppings all over the table. Now, that wouldn't be very romantic.
Remus had suggested he use a house-elf and that is when Sirius got an amazing idea.
They sit down at the Gryffindor table, Remus and James facing the Slytherin table, whilst Peter and Sirius sit opposite them. It isn't long before the Great Hall begins to fill up with students. Conversations start to fill the room as people get their breakfast.
They had decided that Minnie would be their first victim today - Sirius wouldn't say victim is quite the right word, maybe testee.
Professor McGonagall enters the hall and sits down at the staff table. The boys watch as she starts up a conversation with Professor Sinistra. It is another five minutes before there's a loud cracking sound, like Apparition. Everyone in the hall silences, all eyes on the staff table as a house-elf, dressed up to resemble a cherub, jumps up onto the table in front of McGonagall and shrilly starts reciting something James and Sirius had worked together to write. A valentine.
"In moonlit dreams where shadows weave,
A beauty stands, and hearts believe.
With hair like raven's gentle flow,
In midnight's grace, she steals the show.
Her eyes, warm pools of amber light,
Reflect the stars that grace the night.
A captivating gaze that draws us near,
In every glance, we find our cheer.
Oh, muse of love, with elegance rare,
In every moment, you linger there.
On this sweet day of hearts so true,
We cherish the beauty that is you."
The hall remains hollowly silent for about half a second before laughter erupts around the hall. More house-elves, all dressed like fat angel babies, start popping up around the room, singing new poems and songs to unsuspecting students. McGonagall has dismissed the elf and is staring avidly at the Gryffindor table. She narrows her eyes at the Marauders and then turns back to Professor Sinistra to resume her conversation. Sirius assumes that means she liked it.
Later in their double Herbology lesson, James and Sirius are sitting beside each other. Sirius is still working with Lily and Xeno on their Puffapod project from the beginning of the year, whilst James is still working with Frank and Bradley.
They have planned to prank Black in this lesson and Sirius can't wait. He let James be in charge of writing the valentine and giving it to the house-elf, so he has no idea when it's going to show up.
Luckily, Sirius isn't left waiting for too long. Around forty minutes into the first half of their lesson, a cherub house-elf pops into existence. It climbs it's way onto the table and starts walking along until it finds it's target. Sprout just tuts and flourishes her hand in a way that says, If you must, giving everyone permission to watch as the scene unfolds.
Sirius watches with bright eyes as the elf comes to a halt in front of Black, who slowly looks up at the elf like he had been anticipating this. He spares a second to glare at Sirius and James, and then sits up a bit straighter as the house-elf starts to sing.
"In the night sky, a star shines bright,
With black hair flowing, a stunning sight.
Blue-eyed charm in a posh attire,
Your kindly heart is all I require.
Named for the heavens, oh, how you gleam,
In a world of dreams, you reign supreme.
On this Valentine's Day, I hope you see,
You're the brightest star in the sky to me."
Sirius bursts out laughing and is shortly followed by most of the other students in the greenhouse. Even Evan Rosier, who is one of Black's best friends, can't seem to contain his amusement, almost falling out of his chair as he snickers.
Much to his surprise, Black leans closer to the elf and whispers something to it. The house-elf passes him the piece of parchment it had just read from and then vanishes with a loud pop. Black stares down at the words, reading them for a minute, then he frowns and looks up. He doesn't look at Sirius though, he looks at James.
"Oi, I think Black knows who the culprit was," Sirius mutters, elbowing James lightly. James looks across the table at Black, who raises an eyebrow and gestures to the poem in his hand.
"Shit," James mumbles and Sirius laughs again.
By the time dinner has rolled around, other students have been receiving poems or songs, too. Apparently, they have all figured out how to get into the kitchens and access the house-elves too. Sirius is just glad they have inspired everyone to play along.
He had Transfiguration earlier and hadn't received any punishment from McGonagall for the singing house-elf that landed in her breakfast, so he takes this to mean that she liked it very much.
It is at dinner that a house-elf suddenly appears on the table in front of all the boys. They stare at each other in horror and accuse each other of sending it, but then the house-elf turns to face James and starts it's chorus.
"In the glow of your golden-brown gaze,
You strut with a charm, lost in your maze.
With friends at your side, you laugh and you boast,
But deeper in hearts, it's kindness we toast.
Oh, irritating boy, with your swagger so bold,
You do not think you're a king, though you wear gold.
On this Valentine's Day, I'll share this small cheer:
Sometimes, you might just be perfect, I fear."
James' face turns deep crimson as he listens to the cherub house-elf. He asks for the poem and is given it, just like Black had done in Herbology. James' eyes race down the page and then a small, shy smile curls it's way onto his face. He folds up the parchment and slides it into his pocket.
"Well, who was it from?" Peter asks.
"Just... a friend," James replies, grinning to himself.
As their idle chatter picks up again, Sirius watches James for a little bit longer. It's enough to notice the way James' leg has started to bounce up and down underneath the table; his eyes drift off as he gazes off into space, a bashful smile crawls it's way onto his face. Sirius thinks James has a crush.
Interesting.
Tuesday - 19th February, 1974
"-think he's still sleeping."
"Yes, Lupin, I understand but he needs to come with me now."
"Why?"
"Which one are you? Actually, never mind, it doesn't matter. Where is Sirius Tonks? McGonagall has asked me to fetch him."
"Is he in trouble?"
"Honestly, is everyone awake but him?"
"What's all this fuss about?" Sirius grumbles as he drags himself from his bed. He squints as someone shines a light in his face. "Turn that off, would you?"
The light drops so that it's facing the floor and a boy Sirius recognises as one of the Gryffindor prefects. "McGonagall needs to see you."
"What, at- what's the time, Moony?" Sirius turns to Remus, who casts a tempus spell to check before saying the time. Sirius turns back to the prefect. "What, at half-past three in the morning?"
"Yes, now if you will follow me," he says, already walking in the direction of the door. "Oh, and bring some clothes to change into for later."
"Later?" Sirius gapes. "Just how long does McGonagall need me for?"
"All I know is what she told me," the guy shrugs. Sirius sighs and goes to dig around in his trunk for a spare change of clothes. He says a quick goodbye to Frank, Remus and James who all seem to be up as well. Peter is still snoring behind his bed curtains.
Sirius follows the prefect out into the common room where McGonagall is waiting in the centre, a stern expression on her face. She thanks the prefect - Brian something - and starts walking towards the portrait, so Sirius trails after her. He has no idea why McGonagall would need him so early in the morning, or is it late into the night? Either way, it seems a bit ridiculous to Sirius.
"Professor, have I done something? Couldn't it wait until the morning?" Sirius questions. He wonders if it has anything to do with the prank they played on her at Valentine's Day.
"Fortunately for you, Mister Tonks, this isn't a punishment. Your mother has gone into labour and I was asked to retrieve you by your father. Your presence is required immediately," McGonagall explains, turning down a long corridor.
"Labour? You mean - oh Merlin, my sister is coming. What? Now?" He doesn't realise his footsteps have sped up until he almost crashes into a wall.
"Yes, quite," McGonagall nods. "You'll use the floo in my office. Ask for St Mungos, the sixth floor, and your mother should be in room F7."
"Okay," Sirius responds.
They make it to McGonagall's office quite quickly and it is only when they arrive that Sirius realises she must have cast a spell on the staircases so that they wouldn't move about and delay them. He rushes over to the fireplace, clothes still bundled up in one arm, and says a speedy goodbye to McGonagall. He thinks she looks like she is going to smile, but he zips away before he gets the chance to look closer.
When Sirius steps out of the fireplace at St Mungos, he is faced with a bright, white wall and blaring lights that match the walls and floors. It's all very sanitary, a bit too much Sirius thinks. His eyes haven't adjusted to the light yet when he makes his way over to the desk and asks for a visitor's badge.
When he arrives at room F7 the door is shut. Gently, he knocks on the wood, it's beige unlike the white walls and floors and lights. He waits there for a moment and is about to knock again - maybe no one heard him - when the handle twists and the door cracks open a couple of inches.
"Oh, Sirius!" His dad opens the door wider and pulls him into the room. They hug briefly and then Ted is rushing away from him, going back over to the bed on the other side of the room, right next to a blind-covered window. There are a few Medi-Wizards-and-Witches circling the bed, which Sirius now notices is occupied. He drops his clothes onto a nearby, empty chair and cautiously steps forward.
His mum is lying on the bed, a mint-green blanket spread over her legs, dropping just past her knees, which are bent and spread apart. Ted is standing by her side, she is holding his hand in a vice-like grip. With her other hand, she clutches onto the bedframe. Andy's head twinkles with sweat and her face is pulled into a grimace. The veins in her forehead stand out starkly as she strains.
Sirius remembers himself and quickly makes his way over to her side, taking the hand she had been using to hold the bedframe and holding it in his own. She smiles cheerfully at him even as she pushes on.
"Hi, mum. Couldn't wait 'til the morning then, could she?" Sirius says with a chuckle.
"Apparently not," Andy replies before letting out a low grunt. "Guess she's going to be a tricky one. Shame, you were always so easy. At least, until you learnt how to talk."
Sirius rolls his eyes fondly and tries to ignore the way one of the bones in his hand makes a crunching noise as his mum squeezes it harder.
"She's breached," one of the Medi-Witches announces and Sirius has no idea what that means but his mum apparently does as she groans and drops her head harshly back onto the pillow.
"Of course, she is," she grumbles.
"Come on, mum, you can do it. You're the strongest person I know," Sirius says honestly, giving her hand a little shake. She tilts her head to the side and smiles tiredly at him before sitting up again and inhaling sharply. She starts pushing again and Sirius and Ted cheer her on.
"Just the head to go-"
"Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" A man directs the question to Ted, who steps away from his wife for a moment. Sirius watches as one of the Medi-Witches carries a baby off to the side. He only catches a glimpse of a tiny foot.
She's so small, he thinks.
"You did it," Sirius whispers to his mum, who looks dazed and exhausted. "You did it."
"Where is my daughter?" Andy demands not unkindly. Only a minute later, someone brings her over, she is bundled up in a green blanket now. She is passed to Andy straight away. Sirius and Ted stand by either side of the bed and stare down at the baby.
Her eyes are closed and her top lip is resting on top of her bottom one, pouting outwards like she is about to start crying. She has a tuft of hair on top of her head, which Sirius finds a bit funny. He'd thought babies came out bald, but she almost has a full head of hair.
"Edward, are you crying?" Andy's voice rings through the room and Sirius only notices then that they have been left alone. He glances up at his dad, who does have a tear running down his cheek. "Hufflepuffs," she says, rolling her eyes.
"She's so beautiful," Ted croaks, reaching down to run his fingertips down his daughter's cheek. Sirius smiles softly. "Oh, hello, you."
"She is," he murmurs. "She's perfect."
"Would you like to hold her?" His mum holds out Nymphadora and Sirius gasps.
"Shouldn't dad first?"
"No, Sirius, it should be you," Ted replies with a large smile.
"Okay."
Nymphadora - what a terrible name - is placed in his arms. He sits down on the edge of the bed and stares down at his little sister. Not for the first time, he thinks about how tiny she is. He already loves her so much, he has loved her since the moment he was told she existed. It's odd because for all he knows she could grow up to be the most terrible person on the planet, but he will still love her anyway. He thinks she could do anything and he would never stop loving her.
"Oh, look, now he's crying too," his mum says jokingly, but Sirius barely hears her. He brings a finger up to Nymphadora's hair and feels how soft it is. As soon as his skin brushes along the first wisp of hair, something unbelievable happens. What used to light-brown hair, like his father's, now transforms into black hair that resembles Sirius' exactly.
"Did you see that?" He gasps.
"Oh, what was that?"
"She's a metamorphmagus, I think," Andy says, smiling. "Those run in my mother's side of the family."
"Cool," Sirius whispers. Wanting to test the theory out, he lightly brushes his fingers along his sister's hair and watches as it changes from black to blue to mint-green like her blanket and then back to it's original light-brown.
They stay like that for a little while, passing her around and watching as her hair switches from neutral colours to bright pinks and greens. After a little while, Andy places her down in the wheeled cot beside her bed, so she can rest.
Sirius doesn't sleep any more that night. Instead, he spends the rest of the night and the following morning watching over his little sister and marvelling over his luck.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
petite merde. Je n'arrive pas à croire que James était volontairement ami avec toi. Tu es le garçon le plus horrible que j'ai jamais rencontré et tu = little shit. I can't believe James was almost friends with you on purpose. You are the most horrible boy I have ever met and y- (French)
Non pas que tu sois bien meilleur. C'est toi qui m'as tiré dessus en premier, ou tu as déjà oublié? Tu es aussi mauvais que moi, tu aurais tout aussi bien pu être envoyé à Slytherin avec moi = Not that you're much better. You fired at me first, or have you already forgotten? You're just as bad as I am, you might as well have been sorted into Slytherin right along with me (French)MENTIONS:
-I feel so bad for Barty even though it's sort of my fault for writing it.. Also, Evan getting so bad that he almost breaks his bed
-Dorcas can see Rosekiller coming from a mile away.
-Pandora has romantic plans set and ready for the future, as she should
-Sirius "recycling is good, maybe you should try it some time" Tonks... well, at least he cares about the environment
-James is not complaining about getting shoved into a wall
-JAMES POTTER, YOU SWEET SWEET CHILD YOU <3
-I love that Hagrid is just besties with the Slytherin skittles, it makes me so happy
-Okay so Regulus is finally having a gay panic. It is definitely subconscious and he has absolutely no idea about it, but it's there and it's finally happening!
-I love the idea that when frustrated Regulus and Sirius both slip into speaking French
-James is such a mum
-You guys have been asking for more Regulus and Sirius interactions and you just had to wait a minute because I had these little fights stored away 😌
-I love Divination, i'm not sure if that's an unpopular opinion or not, but I love it so much. It's so fun to write about, too.
-Violetta is about to become a main character and you will all love her and welcome her with open arms :)
-Sirius just casually coming out <3
-Sirius might be gay, but he is definitely in love with Minnie
-I love the annual Valentine's Day pranks, they are so fun to write! Also, not me finding some excuse for James to send Regulus a valentine (yes, the one James received was absolutely from Regulus)
-Narcissa and Andromeda gave birth to their children on the same floor of the same hospital. That makes me happy and sad :(
-Sirius will never get over the name Nymphadora - speaking of NYMPHADORA IS OFFICIALLY HERE!See you next week <3
Chapter 40: Third Year: It's One of My Worst Regrets
Summary:
Remus turns fourteen.
Boggart lessons.
Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff Quidditch match.This chapter is almost 15k words long 💀
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-scars (Remus' werewolf ones)
-underage drinking (quite a lot of it, too)
-brief mention of throwing up (not descriptive)
-boggart lesson - so people's worst fears and insecurities (it gets a bit deep)
-seizure warning
-a character struggles to figure out what their sexuality is
-past internalised homophobia (mild)
-brief mention a dead child (Harry)
-a character has a panic attack
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
But I ignore things, and I move sideways
Until I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day I know there are worse ways
To stay alive
'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
~ Noah Kahan
Sunday - 10th March, 1974
Remus
On the morning of Remus' fourteenth birthday, he wakes with creaky bones and a stiff back. The moon was a couple of nights ago, so he hasn't quite recovered from it yet.
For the first time over the last three years where it has been his birthday whilst at Hogwarts, Remus wakes up before everyone else. Usually, he is woken up by the other boys yelling a loud "Happy Birthday" to him, but he has been struggling to sleep recently with the warmer weather, especially this close after a full moon.
He tip-toes over to the bathroom and is quiet when closing the door. The first thing he does is look at his reflection in the mirror. He wonders if he looks different. There are eyebags looming beneath his eyes, dark and sunken. His freckles are more prominent than they had been a few weeks ago, what with the sun coming out more and more as spring shows itself. He stares at the three pale, silver lines that drag along his face. The one that cuts through his hairline. His hair has grown out a bit now, so the mullet is gone. He didn't mind it much in the end and is thinking about maybe bringing it back one day. Sirius had said it made him look cool.
Remus brushes his teeth and then silently exits the bathroom. He makes it halfway across the room before he realises there is someone sitting on his bed, waiting for him. There's the faintest glow of sunlight shining through the diamond-paned window; only enough light to offer him a silhouette. It is enough for him to recognise the person as Sirius. He's sitting with his legs crossed underneath him, leant back against Remus' headboard.
"You do realise you have your own bed, right?" Remus says as he approaches. He sits down on top of the covers, feeling a hot flush spread up the back of his neck. The boys won't allow him to open the windows this early into the year, saying how it's still cold.
"Oh, well, if that's how it is..." Sirius goes to leave but stays when Remus chuckles and pulls him back. "Don't you want your present?"
"You got me a present?"
"Honestly, I don't get why Lily thinks you're the smartest of us, Lupes. Of course, I got you a present, you dolt." Sirius shoves a wrapped box into Remus' hands, ignoring Sirius' of the nickname the boys used to use for him back in first year.
Remus tentatively pulls the wrapping paper back, revealing a small cardboard box. He glances up at Sirius who watches him eagerly. There's a hint of anxiety in his expression that Remus has never seen before. He opens the box and pulls out a snow globe.
The first thing he notices are the pair of figures inside, a boy and a girl. The boy's shirt has a moon painted onto it, he's staring at the girl who is pointing up at something above them. The stars probably. He shakes it and shiny, little stars rain down on them. On the base of the snow globe, there's a little plaque that reads: 'MY EYES FALL VICTIM TO A STAR OF WHOM STARGAZES'. It's hugged by carved ivy, an intricate design that reminds Remus of nature, of Sirius.
"My dad told me it was made by a man who used to create snow globes for a living, this was the final one he made before he passed away. His name was Janus, like one of Saturn's moons, and his wife, the person he made it for, was called Shaula."
"Isn't that the name of a star?" Remus asks, still staring wondrously down at the globe.
"Yes, it's the second brightest in the Scorpius constellation." Sirius gently brings his hands to the snow globe, but he doesn't take it out of Remus' grasp, he turns it over so that Remus can see the bottom of it. There, he notices another message.
"An eclipse could not stop me from loving my moon," Remus reads aloud, careful to be quiet since the rest of the boys are still sleeping. "Did Shaula write that?"
"Yes, once Janus passed. My dad said the eclipse is supposed to symbolise how even death could not separate the two of them."
"Sirius, this is..." Remus exhales slowly and then looks up at Sirius. He's biting his lip, that anxious expression back again. Remus smiles gently. "It's so beautiful."
"I saw it and it made me think of you," Sirius speaks in a whisper, his voice is calming. "If you don't like it, I could get you something else-"
"No, no. It's just... are you sure you want to give this to me? It's just so- I mean, it's wonderful."
"Of course, I'm sure. I can't think of an owner more suited," Sirius responds confidently. Then, a bit quieter, "Remus?"
"Yeah?"
Sirius opens his mouth and then closes it and smiles. "Nothing. Happy Birthday, mate."
"Thanks," Remus grins. He places the snow globe down on the dresser beside his bed and then turns back to Sirius and pulls him into a hug. Sirius goes willingly.
At breakfast, Remus receives an abundance of letters, one from his parents and then one each from Marie, Cara, Felix and even Hugo. To his surprise, Sirius' parents and even James' parents send him letters, too. He reads them all over breakfast, ignoring the way his friends keep announcing to random students that it's Remus' birthday. He is used to them by now, the menaces. He's just thankful he isn't being forced to wear a cake on top of his head this year.
Dorcas ends up making an appearance at the Gryffindor table. Sirius and Peter grumble complaints about this to each other, something about not wanting her to attract her friends, specifically Regulus. Remus rolls his eyes at them and tells Dorcas to ignore them. James, at least, greets her warmly.
"We're birthday twins, Moo, didn't you know?" Dorcas announces, chucking an arm over Remus' shoulders and ruffling his hair. He squirms away from her but can't help the smile that blooms on his face.
"Are we now, Dork ?" He asks, using the name he created for her back in first year. "Hang on, I thought your birthday was in November?"
"Yeah, that's when I was born," she nods.
"I'm confused," James says.
"My friends didn't know me well in first year during my birthday, so they missed it. Barty realised on the tenth of March after he brought up that prank you lot pulled on Moo when you forced him to wear that cake hat." Laughter rings around the table and Remus stares blankly at them all. "So, he said I would get two birthdays for the rest of time as an apology. It's today."
"I want two birthdays," Peter whines.
"Nobody needs two birthdays," Marlene tells him, sending a sharp look Dorcas' way for some reason. "You've got Christmas, there you go."
"But I want another cake and you can't just have cake at Christmas," Peter argues with her.
"Peter, you can literally have cake any day of the year," Azalia says with a snort. "If you really want another birthday cake that bad, I'll get the house-elves to make you one."
Peter perks up. "Really?"
"'Course," Azalia shrugs.
"Anyway," Dorcas says, turning back to Remus. "Get any good presents?"
"Yeah, my parents got me a new set of stirrup irons for Carpet the horse and a T-Rex record. What about you? Get anything nice?" Remus asks as he takes a sip of his pumpkin juice.
"Barty gave me an origami phoenix that he made himself," Dorcas responds, both of her eyebrows raise until they are almost hitting her hairline.
"Is it good?"
"Nah, it's shit. It looks more like a snargaluff," she snickers and Remus laughs with her. "It was sweet though and I couldn't break his heart, so I told him it was the best present I've ever received."
"That's brilliant," Remus laughs. "Get anything else?"
"Pandora made me a really nice hat. Evan and Scarlett both got me books. Regulus gave me his favourite chocolate frog card which was really sweet of him, he knows I've had my eye on it for ages. It's one of the rare ones-"
"Which one?" Peter cuts in. He's always been one to collect chocolate frog cards.
"Ptolemy," Dorcas replies with a smug grin. Peter's jaw drops.
"That's like the hardest one to get! How did he find it?"
"Dunno," Dorcas says with a shrug. "He's just lucky, I guess. Speaking of my friends, I should probably get back. See you later, Moo." She ruffles Remus' hair once more before skipping back over to the Slytherin table.
Suddenly, the seat Dorcas had previously been sitting in is filled by one of the Prewett twins. Gideon, Remus thinks. Fabian sits opposite Remus, beside Sirius, who looks like he is about to explode if the colour of his face is anything to go by.
"We heard it was someone's birthday today," Gideon says pointedly, wiggling his finger towards Remus.
"Uh, yeah," he replies uncertainly.
"Great, that means we planned the party for the right day," Fabian sighs with relief.
"Party?" Sirius grins.
"You guys really didn't have to-" Remus begins but is interrupted when Gideon drapes an arm over Remus' shoulders and silences him.
"Hush now. You guys are our legacies," Gideon starts.
"You too, Marls," Fabian adds with a wink in Marlene's direction. She rolls her eyes.
"You deserve to be celebrated," Gideon announces brightly.
"Of course, if you don't want a party, we can always cancel it," Fabian suggests, nodding along with Gideon. They both stare down at Remus who looks between them and then at his friends. Sirius widens his eyes and nods surreptitiously.
"I wouldn't be opposed to a party," Remus says slowly.
"Hear that, Fab?"
"Sure did, Gid."
"He wouldn't be opposed."
"Excellent, nor would I," Fabian speaks in a strangely posh accent.
"Well, we'll see you lot later then," Gideon says, getting up from his seat at the exact same time that Fabian does.
"Goodbye, children," Fabian waves as the twins start making their way towards the exit.
"They are so dramatic," Marlene huffs. "It's like you're their sons or something. They don't make such a fuss when it's my birthday and I've known them all my life."
"I will put the effort in for you, Marls," Sirius proclaims dramatically. "But your birthday is in August, so I'm going to need you to invite me 'round first."
The party is in full swing by the time nine o'clock rolls around. When Remus first arrived, Fabian and Gideon had announced his presence to the room of students. There was a series of cheers and then the music began.
Remus is now standing by the drinks table with Sirius and Peter, who are filling a cup for him. Sirius has insisted Remus at least try some of the Firewhisky available, since he never has before and it is his birthday. He agrees without much convincing, telling them to make sure Lily isn't nearby. He had wanted to try it months ago at Sirius' birthday party, and then again in January when Sirius had stolen some Firewhisky from The Three Broomsticks, but both times Lily was there to pull the drinks out of his hand.
"Here you go," Sirius passes him a cup. He sniffs it and immediately winces, pulling the cup away from his face. "Ignore the smell," Sirius suggests.
"Okay," Remus lifts the cup to his mouth and quickly downs a mouthful. It burns his throat on the way down and leaves a bitter feeling on the roof of his mouth, but behind all of that there's a delightful sweetness to it that has him going in for more. "Not bad."
"Oh, Pete, we've tainted him," Sirius tuts. "If Lily asks, it was James."
"Hey!" James shouts, coming up from behind them and making both Sirius and Peter jump. Remus laughs. Lily is by his side, along with Mary and Azalia.
"What have you done?" Lily folds her arms and sternly looks over to Sirius.
"Nothing," Sirius says, grabbing Remus' cup from his hand, which is now empty, and chucking it somewhere behind him as if Lily didn't just see all of that. "How are you, Evans? Oh, you look nice. Guys, doesn't she look nice?"
"Tonks," Lily snaps. "Were you peer pressuring Remus?"
"No!"
"I actually wanted to," Remus adds in, but Lily doesn't seem to hear him as she goes over to quietly lecture Sirius. Remus ignores them both and goes to pour himself another drink.
"Come on, let's go have some fun," Mary says, looping her arm around his and dragging him towards the crowd of students.
It only takes Remus finishing his second cup for his mind to become slower and his thoughts less consistent. He no longer worries about how he might look as he dances around with Mary and James, Sirius eventually joins them with an exasperated-looking Lily. At least she doesn't say anything else about what Remus is drinking.
"Woah, get it, Moony!" Sirius yells as Remus spins Mary around. He laughs at the ridiculousness of it all.
Eventually, Remus realises Peter isn't with them and he searches around the room for him but ends up finding both Peter and Benji making out rather aggressively on the other side of the room.
"Oh, shit, look at them," Remus nudges Sirius and points in the direction of Peter and Benji. He starts laughing, Peter looks like he is trying to climb Benji.
"I wonder what it's like," Sirius ponders aloud, a pensive look on his face.
"What?"
"Kissing," Sirius responds, then looks at Remus. His cheeks are red from the alcohol and his eyes are dazed. There's a strand of hair hanging down in front of his face that Sirius tries to brush away a few times, but fails. Remus lifts a hand and gently pushes the strand behind Sirius' ear.
"It looks sort of gross," Remus yells over the music so Sirius can hear him.
"What does?"
"Kissing."
Sirius glances over to Benji and Peter and then looks up at Remus with half-lidded silver eyes. His drunk, self-satisfied expression drops into one of panic and then he's pulling away from Remus; Remus hadn't even realised his hand was still resting against Sirius' hair. He rushes off through the crowd and Remus loses him. He wonders what could have happened. Maybe Sirius felt sick and needed to leave?
"Where did Sirius go?" Mary questions, coming up beside him.
"I dunno," Remus murmurs, suddenly feeling a bit terrible, though he has no idea why. "I think he went to throw up."
"Oh," Mary mumbles. "Better get James or Lily to help then, you've been drinking too much to be of any help and so have I."
"Yeah."
In the end, Lily storms off through the common room, completely sober, and goes to the boys' dormitory to find Sirius. Remus finds James, who is sitting between Astro and Xeno, giggling away at something Xeno has said, he looks pretty drunk too. Remus drops down onto the couch beside Astro, who looks at him with an amused expression.
"Alright there, Remus?"
"Peachy," Remus responds and then frowns. Peachy? "How are you?" He raises his eyebrows, showing Astro he doesn't mean how is he now, but in general.
Astro shrugs. "I used your advice," he replies. Then, changing the subject, "Have you ever been drunk before?"
"Nope," Remus giggles.
"Well, at least it isn't obvious," Astro says.
"Oh, great. I was afraid I would embarrass myself but this is actually fun. I wonder where they keep getting all the alcohol from. Hey, do you think McGonagall will find out? I don't need another detention. Oh, I miss my dad." He huffs and sinks further into the sofa, listening to Astro chuckle beside him.
"I think it's time you went to bed," Xeno says from James' other side. James glances at Remus and starts laughing for some reason.
"Pfft," Remus waves his hand through the air. "Don't need sleep."
"Oh, yes you do, Remus. I think it would be best if James took you up there right now, actually."
"Fine," Remus frowns. James gets up and has to steady himself against Remus. It's gotten very late now and they have school the next morning. Remus and James stumble up the staircase and it takes them ages to get to the top. When they make it to the dormitory, the lights are all still on.
"Oh, look," James whispers, pointing towards Sirius' bed.
Remus turns to follow James' finger and finds Sirius passed out on his bed, his head resting on one of Lily's shoulders. She has her arms around him and also looks to be asleep. James turns the light off and carefully lights a candle, almost burning himself in the process. He pushes Remus in the direction of the bathroom and they only make a little bit of noise on the way. They brush their teeth and then James is walking Remus in the direction of his bed. He tucks him in, which Remus finds hilarious for some reason. He falls into a giggle fit. James snorts and presses a kiss to Remus' hair before stumbling over to his own bed.
It doesn't take very long for Remus to fall asleep.
Monday - 11th March, 1974
Remus wakes up the next morning with a splitting headache. He sits up in his bed and the movement jostles his stomach. He rushes over to the bathroom, only just making it before throwing up.
"Morning, Remus," Frank greets cheerfully. Remus groans. "Yeah, you did drink quite a lot. No one could stop you though, not even Lily."
"Yes, well, past Remus is a wanker," Remus mumbles as he stands. He cleans up his mess and then brushes his teeth, wanting to get the flavour of what he can only describe as a troll's arse out of his mouth.
"Water?" Frank passes him a glass and Remus thanks him. "Fabian and Gideon gave me some hangover potions too." Frank offers it and Remus greedily snatches it out of his grasp.
"Thanks," he says as he downs the potion. It's fizzy, which startles him, but it doesn't taste bad. "Did I embarrass myself?"
"I don't think so," Franks tilts his head as he thinks. "You did, however, show your moves to the entire common room."
"Brilliant," Remus sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as his eyes slowly sink shut. He wonders if the headache he has is from the alcohol or the recent full moon.
"You should probably get ready, lesson's in forty-five minutes."
"Is it?" Remus asks, panicked. Frank nods. "Shit."
Remus scrambles to get ready whilst Frank wakes the rest of the boys - and Lily - up. When Sirius and Lily realise their position, they both leap away from each other, Sirius landing in a heap on the floor. Lily runs over to the door without a word to any of them.
"What were you doing spooning with Lily?" Peter asks with a snort. He can't have drunk much last night because he looks completely fine. Although, so does James, and Remus knows he drunk loads.
"She found me in the bathroom last night and helped, then I guess she just... didn't leave." Sirius frowns like he realises that is a terrible explanation, then he hurries over to the bathroom, ignoring the stares the other boys are sending him, and locks the door behind him.
"I thought they hated each other," Peter whispers.
"Nah, they love each other really," James says as he changes into his uniform. "They both have too much pride to admit it."
"Are you sure? Sirius is still pretty mean to Snape," Frank comments. He is already dressed and ready for the day, Remus notices.
"Snape is horrible right back," Peter argues, "maybe Lily has finally noticed."
"I guess," Frank shrugs, not one to take part in arguments.
Once everyone is ready and Sirius has finally left the bathroom, they head down to breakfast. Frank hands Sirius a hangover potion and offers one to James, but he denies it.
"My head is killing me," Sirius cries as they enter the Great Hall. "Someone distract me. Remus, give me a word."
"Poen yn fy nhin," Remus grumbles.
"Is that one word?" Sirius questions.
"Sure."
"What does it mean then?"
"Pain in my arse."
"Pain in- Well, excuse you," Sirius snaps. "Someone woke up grumpy this morning."
"Yes, vomiting does tend to ruin someone's mood funnily enough," Remus bites back.
"There's no need to take your frustration out on me," Sirius tuts and then starts walking faster. He sits down between Marlene and Mary at the table, completely ignoring Remus for the rest of breakfast.
They have Defence Against the Dark Arts later on and Professor Shauna has a surprise for them.
"Today, we will be learning how to handle a boggart," she announces as she gestures to a metal chest on the floor. "Now, we have already learnt the spell, so I expect you all to know it by now. You'll each be taking it in turns and using your knowledge to attack it. Start a line."
Remus doesn't hurry over, he isn't too keen to discover what his worst possible fear could be. Instead, he slowly makes his way over to the back of the queue with Lily by his side. Sirius is still in a strop from breakfast and drags Peter over to a different part of the line of students.
"What's up with Sirius?" Lily asks.
"I might've been a bit rude to him. In my defence, I have a terrible headache," Remus explains and Lily frowns at him. "No, I should apologise. It was my fault, he wasn't doing anything wrong."
"I'm sure he'll have forgotten about it by the end of the lesson," Lily reassures him, nudging his hand with her own and giving him a small smile. He smiles briefly back.
The first student up is one of the Hufflepuff girls - Lila something. Remus watches as the boggart is released from the steel chest. It twists about in the air before finally transforming into a gigantic centipede that wriggles around the floor, each of it's legs move in-sync. Lily shivers beside him.
"Oh, that's horrible," she whispers to him and Remus hums in agreement. Lila stutters out the spell and it turns into a rainbow-coloured slide, one of those fabric tunnel ones that Marie used to have at her birthday parties when they were little kids.
There a few more regular fears such as spiders, heights, banshees and thunder. Then, Evan Rosier steps forward. At first, all Remus can see is a set of double doors, both white with turquoise-coloured flowers curling up the frames. It's nothing scary, that is Remus' first thought.
Then, the screams start.
They're sudden, striking like lightning, cutting through the silence in the room. Evan stands frozen in front of it, fear evidently paralysing him. Shauna reminds him of the spell, but Remus can tell it isn't the spell that is the problem. It's his boggart. Remus realises whose screams they are.
Pandora.
He stares, horror-struck, at the doors. The screams are still going, they bounce around the room, rattling the windows, blood-curdling and terrible. After a couple more minutes, Evan seems to shake himself out of the trance he was in. He lifts his wand, Remus notices it shaking in his grasp, and shouts the spell.
The doors twist and writhe but then they return and, for a moment, Remus is worried Evan said the spell wrong, but then laughter begins to fill the room. Pandora's and Evan's.
Evan speed-walks to the back of the room where the rest of the students that have already gone are standing. His face is paler than usual and he's staring down at the floor, eyes faraway.
Next up is Dorcas. Hers is an odd one too. The doors turn into Dorcas herself. A mirror version stands in front of her, staring at the empty space that surrounds her. Remus watches, confused. The real Dorcas points her wand at it and yells, "Riddikulus," not letting it linger for long. She is soon surrounded by her friends, or versions of them anyway, and Remus understands. Her biggest fear is being alone.
Some other students have their turns, none of them are able to completely get rid of the boggart, however. Alecto Carrow's boggart is a lethifold, Xeno's is a gigantic elephant that attempts to stampede him until he turns it into the size of a mouse. Azalia's is tight spaces and Florence's ends up being a dragon.
Peter is up next. The boggart spins around in the air before finally turning into Sirius. Remus frowns and turns to Lily, who looks just as troubled and confused.
You are nothing, the boggart says.
Nothing...
We only keep you around because we have no other choice... No one likes you...
Who would ever want to be friends with someone like you...
Did you really think I could like y-
"Riddikulus !" Peter's voice cuts through the room like a knife against soft butter. The boggart becomes a smiling Sirius, who opens his arms as if to hug Peter. Peter is panting like he's just run several laps around the castle. He backs away from the now friendly boggart and scampers off to the back of the room.
Remus wants to go back and check on him, but he doesn't get the chance to. Sirius is up next and Remus knows he can't miss this. Especially after what just happened. What if Sirius needs him, too?
Sirius' face is set into a stony expression; he looks angry and Remus can't blame him after the previous display. His wand is gripped tightly in his hand, fingers turning white.
The boggart version of himself stares at him for a moment, but it doesn't change. It only blinks back at Sirius and Remus wonders if it's stuck. Maybe Sirius isn't afraid of anything, or maybe, just maybe, he shares the same fear as Peter.
Remus doesn't notice the first hand, nor the second, but it is pretty difficult to miss the third as it grips onto the boggart version of Sirius' school tie and starts yanking at it. The boggart Sirius cries in despair, reaching his arms out as if to scramble away, but the hands keep appearing. More and more of them grab at his clothes, his hair, his arms. Then, a hand reaches out, long and thin, slender and pale, and it covers boggart-Sirius' face, dragging him back. He disappears and the room is left empty.
"R... Riddikulus !" Sirius stutters like he is unsure whether he should cast the spell or not without the boggart being present. The boggart returns, changing again. This time, the boggart version of Sirius is sitting down, holding something in his arms. It doesn't take Remus too long to figure out that it's Sirius' little sister he is holding. He smiles down at her as she coos in his arms.
The real Sirius turns on his heel and goes to the back of the room, sparing one glance at Remus before he goes over to Peter's side. They start whispering to each other and Remus finds himself suddenly curious. He can't join them yet though, not until he's had his go.
There are a few more students before him and Lily, some are dealt with easily whilst others linger.
Lily goes first. She faces the vampire left behind by India Wildsmith. The boggart takes notice of Lily and starts shifting in the air. A mirror appears before her, reflecting her, only... it isn't copying the real Lily's movements. The one in the mirror is dressed in Muggle clothes and is holding a stick as if it's a wand. She points it towards the mirror, towards the real Lily, and attempts to cast a spell but nothing happens. Boggart-Lily frowns and slaps the wand against her opposite palm before trying it again.
Nothing happens.
A devastated expression makes it's way onto her face. Lily, the real Lily, points her wand at the mirror silently and softly says, "Riddikulus." The Lily in the mirror's stick transforms into a wand and a witch's hat appears on her head. Boggart-Lily looks in the mirror at herself and giggles happily.
As Lily turns away from the boggart, looking self-satisfied, she looks at Remus and smiles at him reassuringly. Right, it's his turn now.
He steps forward cautiously and points his wand out in front of him. The mirror vanishes and a figure drops to the floor. Remus watches as a version of himself seizes on the floor, his father soon appears and worries over his writhing form. Remus has never seen himself have a seizure before, obviously. It looks horrible. Something about the way his body jolts and just the way it moves in general makes him afraid. Then... he stills. His tad shakes him as if to wake him up, but the boggart version of himself remains quiet and unmoving on the floor.
Lyall reaches for his wrist to check his pulse and then lets out a harrowing sob that Remus doesn't think he will ever forget. He drops Remus' wrist and starts crying.
I'm dead, he thinks.
Is that truly his worst fear? That, one day, these seizures might kill him? What a selfish fear.
Remus inhales sharply and then speaks carefully. "Riddikulus." The scene changes into a memory, which Remus finds odd. He's never heard of boggarts being able to do that before. It's of Easter back in first year, when he finally came home. His parents had been hugging and Remus watched them for a little while until his mam noticed him staring and invited him to join them. In front of him, the boggart version of himself does the same thing. The three of them embrace and Remus suddenly feels a painful longing for his parents.
He makes his way to the back of the classroom, allowing someone else to have their turn. Remus is done with boggarts forever.
Sirius is staring at him with a horror-stricken expression, something that gives Remus the urge to comfort and console him. Peter is sitting in the corner looking utterly humiliated with Lily's arm around his shoulders. Remus stops and stands before Sirius.
"Remus..." Sirius breathes, still appearing afflicted.
"I don't want to talk about it," Remus shakes his head and Sirius nods, gaze dropping to the floor momentarily. Remus reaches a hand out and then hesitates. He sighs. "Look, I'm sorry for being grumpy with you-"
"What? No, you don't need to apologise, Remus-"
"I do because it was unfair of me to take my frustration out on you. Really, it was... I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm sorry." He knocks his hand against Sirius' and watches as one of Sirius' fingers drifts closer to him.
"I forgive you. I'm sorry for provoking you, probably not the best idea so close after..." Sirius raises his eyebrows and Remus chuckles. "Let's not fight again."
"Okay," Remus agrees, smiling. "Now, about your boggart."
Sirius groans quietly and closes his eyes. He steps closer to Remus, making Remus realise he doesn't want anyone to overhear what he is about to say.
"It was them," he whispers and when his eyes open, they're full of nothing but fear.
"Your family?" Remus mumbles back just as quietly.
Sirius nods.
"I didn't realise you were afraid of them." Remus watches as Sirius shrugs with a grimace. He bends his head down lower, so that it is right in front of Sirius', and meets his eyes once again. "They can't hurt you, Sirius. They can't. Even if they could, I wouldn't let them. I would never let them hurt you."
Sirius' heartbeat stutters before picking up again, beating much faster than it had been previously. Remus smiles. He loves listening to Sirius' heart, it's much more interesting than everyone else's.
"What would you do to them?" Sirius raises an eyebrow, a small smile now curling at the corner of his lips.
"I'd fight them," Remus declares with a confidence he doesn't usually possess.
"You'd fight them?" Sirius grins now.
"Yes. Them and anyone else who is ever mean to you," Remus promises.
Saturday - 16th March, 1974
"You two should just date already," Sirius huffs, gesturing between Remus and Lily, who are sitting side by side at the Gryffindor table. Remus pauses his chewing and frowns at Sirius. Lily does the same, her goblet of pumpkin juice halfway to her mouth.
"You know, we can go to Hogsmeade together without it meaning we're going on a date, right?" Lily says, her tone light. She has been treating Sirius much nicer ever since the party he threw for her on her birthday back in January.
"Mhm, sure," Sirius replies, his tone dripping in sarcasm. "These idiots," he gestures with his finger to James, Peter and Remus, "thought I should date you after they saw us treating each other amicably for five seconds."
"What? Ew!" Lily grimaces and then sends Sirius an apologetic smile. He waves her off. "No offence, but neither of you are my type."
"James was," Peter says, smirking at Lily. Her cheeks turn faintly pink but nowhere near as much as they used to whenever someone would bring up her old feelings for James.
"That's because I am a delight," James remarks with a grin Lily's way. She rolls her eyes.
"I was obviously having a mental breakdown at the time," she responds, sending James a jokingly mean smile. He pretends to be wounded and goes back to munching on his toast and reading his copy of The Daily Prophet. "Anyway, Remus and I are absolutely not going on a date. One, I cherish him too much as a friend." Remus smiles sweetly at her. "Two, I wouldn't want to ruin his chances with Marie." Remus' smile drops.
"Stop it with that," Remus covers his face with his hands. "It's not... It will probably never happen."
"Never say never," Lily snickers. She reaches to pull Remus' hands away from his face, smiling softly at him. "Come on, everyone's leaving."
They all head towards the courtyard together, where students are now grouping up, getting ready for the walk down to Hogsmeade. Xeno and Astro join them all, whilst Peter is whisked away by a very excited-looking Benji.
Remus walks between Lily and James and almost doesn't notice as someone else joins their group. There's the sudden smell of sickly sweet perfume in the air that makes Remus' nose tickle uncomfortably. He turns to find a girl on the other side of James, who looks just as surprised by the presence of someone else as Remus is. He doesn't even recognise the girl. She has strawberry-blonde, curly hair and dark-blue eyes. She's grinning at James. Remus doesn't think she's in their year.
"Hello, James," the girl says, not even caring to greet everyone else.
"Uh, hi?" James replies. He sends Remus a confused stare and Remus just shrugs in response. So, James doesn't know who this mystery girl is either.
"I'm Gracie Hawkings, from the year above," the girl - Gracie - jumps to explain, clearly taking note of James' puzzled expression. "You probably don't know me."
"Sorry," James chuckles nervously.
Remus turns to Lily, who is watching the interaction between James and Gracie with curiosity.
"I was just wondering," Gracie begins, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger, "would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?"
James' eyes widen behind his glasses and he sends a panicked look his friends' way. In the background, Remus can hear Sirius snort. James turns back to Gracie, shuffling on his feet as he stares at the ground and then back up at her.
"I'm sorry, Gracie, you seem very lovely but I was sort of planning on going with my friends," James responds, a hint of caution in his voice.
"Oh, that's okay!" Gracie grins at him with dazzlingly white teeth. "Maybe next time?"
"Uh, yeah, maybe," James nods. Gracie smiles once more and then hurries back over to the group of students walking behind them.
"Why did you say no?" Sirius asks, moving to stand on James' other side.
"I don't like her like that," James says. "I don't even know who she is."
"She was pretty," Remus offers. James and Sirius both turn to him. "Not that that is the only important factor. I'm sure she's, er, smart too?" Sirius rolls his eyes and James just looks back down at the floor.
"Should I have said yes?" James asks, glancing between his friends. They've continued walking now.
"Not if you didn't want to," Lily speaks up. "James, you should go out with whoever you want to go out with."
James directs his attention towards Lily. A line forms between his eyebrows as he looks at her. Remus thinks it looks like the two of them are having a silent conversation. Eventually, James turns back to the pavement.
When they arrive in Hogsmeade, Remus and Lily part from the group and head towards The Three Broomsticks. Lily buys them both butterbeers this time and brings them over to the table Remus has saved for them at the back of the room. It's beside a window, so light spills across the table.
It's quite a warm day today, so Remus gulps down half of his drink at once. Lily watches him with amusement. He places the butterbeer back down on the wooden table and watches as a drop of water slides down the condensation-covered glass, leaving a trail in it's wake.
"I think you were right."
"About what?" Lily asks, taking a small sip of her own drink. She licks away the layer of foam left behind on her upper lip.
"James and Regulus. Being friends. I heard him leave the dormitory a few nights ago and he took-" Remus stops himself. He almost just told Lily about the map. "He went alone, so that means he didn't want us to know where he was going. I think he went to meet Regulus."
"At night? But isn't he afraid of the dark or something? I swear you lot have said that before," Lily ponders aloud, eyebrows bent as she thinks. "How long was he gone for?"
"A couple of hours. It's odd because he is afraid of the dark. I can't think of where else it is he would be going. What else he would keep from us."
"Are you mad?" Lily asks.
Remus thinks about his answer for a moment. Is he angry? He doesn't think so.
"No, I understand why he is keeping it a secret," Remus answers. "Sirius would hate it, Peter probably wouldn't like it much either."
"And you?"
"I don't know. Honestly, I think the rivalry he and Sirius have going on is silly. Regulus isn't as terrible as the other Slytherins in our year." Remus glances at Lily to see if she will pick up on his subtle jab at her best friend. She doesn't appear to react to what he's said with any ill intent, so he carries on. "As long as James is happy, he should be able to be friends with anyone he wants."
"Do you think it was odd?"
"Do I think... Regulus and James being friends is odd? I suppose it might be a little bit weird but I think it's been-" Remus' sentence is cut off as Lily starts shaking her head.
"No. That isn't what I meant. Do you think it was odd that James said no to that girl?" Lily asks, watching Remus with an intensity that he finds peculiar.
"A bit, I guess. He didn't even know who she was though, so I get it."
"Right, but James has been asked out before, right? By people he does know."
Remus sits back in his seat, staring at Lily with a confused expression. "Yes, I think so. There was Shania Murton back in December, and then Peony from Hufflepuff last year. Why? Don't tell me you like him again."
"What? No, no, I don't," Lily jumps to clarify. "Definitely not. Has he ever said yes to anyone?"
"Not as far as I know," Remus replies.
"Huh," Lily hums, leaning back in her own chair and staring off into the distance.
"Why, Lily?"
Her eyes snap back over to Remus'. "Oh, nothing. Just, umm..." Lily frowns. "Do you think he likes anyone specific? Maybe that's why he keeps saying no. Could be someone like.... Mary." Lily winces as if the very thought of Mary and James doesn't make sense. To be fair, Remus understands that. The idea of James and Mary together doesn't exactly work in his mind, but he supposes if they're both happy.
"Maybe," Remus says. He remembers the prank they pulled on Valentine's Day during second year when they charmed all of the suits of armour in the castle to sing whenever someone with a crush walked past them. It had sung when James crossed it. Remus had sort of forgotten about that since then. So much time has passed. "It makes sense."
"Mary and James?" Lily questions, sounding surprised.
"No. James having a crush. You might be right," Remus explains.
Lily just nods, a look of deep consideration passes across her face before she settles it into a smile. "Want to hear what Pandora and I created in Potions club the other day?"
Remus listens as Lily begins to describe a very complicated potion meant to energise someone. He smiles and nods along, asking questions where they are needed. They talk for a while between them, enjoying the rest of the spring morning in the comfortable pub.
***
Monday - 18th March, 1974
James
James is having a crisis. He's been having a crisis since Saturday. Well, if he really thinks about it, he's been having a crisis since he was six years-old. Since he first laid eyes on Harry Wilkins.
Shit, this thing has been chasing him for a while, hasn't it?
He has been ignoring it for as long as he can remember because it's just another thing he is afraid of. Admitting it would be like willingly jumping off a cliff. He hopes someone will catch him because he is currently freefalling.
The first time James realised he was in love with Harry Wilkins was when he was seven.
It was summertime, a particularly scorching day. Harry was teaching James how to play a Muggle game called football. They played it many times that summer. Harry had been absolutely scandalised to learn James had never played the sport before. He chose not to admit that he had never heard of it before either. Harry was very talented at playing football, much like James was at playing Quidditch. He could kick his legs around in a way so skilled, James could barely keep track of where the ball was. He would teach James how to move like that eventually, much slower mind you, but he was capable by the end of the summer.
Harry was showing James how to tackle the ball away from him, it was always difficult stealing the ball from Harry. James had pushed his leg out, intending to retrieve the ball from beneath Harry's feet. However, he'd accidentally caught the top of the ball and ended up rolling over it, landing with a thump on his back in the grass. Harry had reached out to catch him but gravity inevitably took them both down.
Harry let out a choked wheeze that sounded sort of like a laugh. James had just stared up at him and that's when he knew. It wasn't a feeling he'd felt before, nor was it something he felt comfortable with. His chest felt like it might explode and his fingers tingled with the urge to reach out. Instead, he had pushed Harry off, who was still laughing, and jumped to his feet.
"I'm thirsty. Are you thirsty?" Harry had asked, climbing to his feet, the football tucked firmly beneath his armpit.
"Yeah," James had replied because he was. His throat was suddenly dry. Very, very dry.
Then, they had gotten lemonade from Effie and James hadn't thought about it again. Well, not that day anyway. He has definitely thought about that day since then.
James has been buried under years of denial and self-hatred, which might have led him to be a bit blind. He thinks he can see clearly now.
The second time James thought about boys in that way was when he and Sirius caught Gideon and Edwin in a very compromising position last year. It felt like James had been dunked in a bathtub of ice-cold water. There was curiosity there, a feeling he wasn't yet ready to look too closely at. He didn't want to pick it apart like he knew he probably should because he just wasn't ready to yet.
The third time he thought about boys in that way was when Peter admitted to liking Benji. It was pretty hard to ignore it then. James had tried, he thinks the denial - that was so intrinsically built inside of him by that point - had helped. But it would hit him more often that it used to. Boys could like boys. Other boys did like other boys. James might be like these boys.
Then, there was Sirius, who also felt that way and suddenly James couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe it was because of the support the other boys showed Sirius when he told them, or maybe it was because James couldn't really ignore the tugging in his gut, the whispering voice in the very back of his head that was yelling that's me, that's me, that's me.
What confuses him the most about the entire ordeal is the fact that when he thinks of liking girls, it doesn't disgust him like it would Peter and Sirius and Benji. He actually quite likes the idea of fancying other girls. But he thinks that way about boys, too.
James knew there was something wrong with him and all of these years he thought it was the boy part of it all, but it's not. (He still isn't entirely sure how he feels about the boy part of it all, but he doesn't feel as disinclined to accept it as he has in the past.) It is that James has been asked out on dates by girls and felt no amount of attraction towards them at all. He thinks he could be asked out on a date by a guy and the same exact thing would happen. He is physically attracted to people he finds beautiful, yes, but he doesn't want to date them... It's all very complicated. His mind feels like a jumble of spaghetti.
Surely, that means there is something wrong with him, right? Especially because he thinks if Harry had asked him out - not that he ever would have, were he still alive - James would have said yes. Maybe he can't get the idea of Harry out of his head, so now he is stuck? Stuck in this perpetual circle of loving someone who isn't even alive anymore, and who would have never loved him back even if he were.
James has always loved people differently, he knows that. He isn't just talking about romantic love either. He means any and all relationships he has ever had, from strangers to his best friends. He could pass someone on the street and notice a little thing about them, like maybe they have a nice outfit on, or maybe their smile is nice, and he will instantly care about them, wish them a good life in his head. Then, there are his friends. He loves them in a way that he thinks boarders on unhealthy. There's a reliance there that he knows is terrible because it's unstable. If anything were to happen to one of his friends, he isn't sure he would be able to carry on. He relies on them to carry on existing so that he can. Yes, it's unhealthy, but it is him.
James loves and he loves and it's messy and rough and suffocating, but it's him.
James loves and he loves and it's beautiful and delicate and nurturing, but it's him.
He loves with all of him and he knows some people can't handle that; that has never bothered him before. But he doesn't know if he himself can handle that. Which is why he is stuck. He is freefalling off a cliff just waiting for someone to catch him.
James doesn't know what he is, which also might have contributed to his burying it all down inside of him. The only problem with trying to bury a part of yourself is that you end up suffocating and that part of you that has been forcibly subdued will try to reclaim it's place inside of you, because it's all intrinsic. It's all you. It's all him. It's broken free from the surface now, no longer buried. James can feel it. He thinks it would only cause more harm were he to rebury it. Maybe, he should let it take it's first breaths.
James hasn't spoken to anyone about any of this, but he is beginning to think that maybe he should. Maybe laying his thoughts out for someone else to look at will help him organise them a bit. He thinks if he does end up telling someone, it won't be just yet. He hasn't reached the stage where he can just openly talk about it to anyone. Not yet.
He crawls his way out of bed and brushes his teeth before he does anything else. He hates feeling the grime that is left in his mouth once he wakes up. Then, he gets changed into his Quidditch kit and wakes up Frank. They go out for one of their morning flies and soak up the warm spring sun. Afterwards, they have a shower and get changed into their uniform in the changing rooms. They lock their brooms back into the broomshed and head up to the Great Hall for breakfast.
James feels much more refreshed after his shower. His hair is wet and drips all over the collar of his school shirt, but he doesn't mind. It is no longer bitterly cold in the castle as it had been all winter. Now, the corridors are leisurely warm and bright with the morning sun.
They meet their friends at the Gryffindor table and James grabs a couple of slices of toast before dousing them in honey. Mary starts talking about how they are apparently facing their boggarts today in Defence Against the Dark Arts. The other class had done the same thing a week previous, but one of the students laughed and the boggart had disappeared and ceased to exist. So, the second class had to wait a week until Professor Shauna could access another one.
"What do you think your biggest fear will be, Marls?" Mary asks Marlene, gently tapping her arm.
"I don't know. Yours would probably be you waking up bald though," Marlene responds with a snort, shovelling a mouthful of cornflakes into her mouth. Mary's eyes widen and her hands jump to her hair.
"The boggart might take you by surprise," Sirius says in a small voice that James isn't used to hearing out of Sirius' mouth.
James doesn't know what the other boys' boggarts were, they wouldn't tell him and he respected that. They were clearly shaken after the lesson last week and he didn't want to make them have to relive it by describing it to him. Lily admitted to him that hers was a Muggle version of herself, a completely powerless version of herself.
James wonders what his will be, though a part of his fears he might already know what his greatest fear is.
He hasn't been looking forward to the lesson, that's for sure.
After breakfast, James goes with Mary and Marlene to the DADA classroom, with Frank and Alice ahead of them. They line up outside of the classroom. Around them, other students chatter about the rumoured boggart and James has to force himself to stop listening. He can feel himself spiralling into a panic attack. He leans against the wall and picks at his cuticles whilst Mary and Marlene stand opposite him. They are currently arguing about what Mary's boggart will actually be. Marlene is certain it will be something to do with Mary losing her hair or something similar, whilst Mary swears it will be a gigantic spider.
James' attention is drawn by the flash of green to his right. When he turns his head, he finds Regulus beside Barty and Pandora. Barty and Pandora seem to be locked in a conversation, whilst Regulus just stands idly by, a slight furrow to his eyebrows. James watches as Regulus' gaze lifts from it's space on the wall and over to James himself. He sends a small smile that he knows probably looks rather fake. Regulus' lip twitches slightly in the corner and James takes it as a smile.
Regulus' eyes drop to James' hands where he is still picking at his cuticles nervously. When his eyes return to James', they are hard. Surreptitiously, he shakes his head and James immediately drops his hands to his side. Regulus turns back to his friends.
Professor Shauna allows them inside only a minute later, smiling warmly at each of them as if she isn't about to put them up against their worst fears. They are told to line up in front of an ebony wardrobe that stands tall and leering at the front of the classroom. James attempts to scurry to the back of the line, but is dragged closer by Mary, who sends him an odd look. He smiles to satiate her worries and follows her to the middle of the line where Marlene, Frank and Alice are waiting.
Shauna releases the boggart and the first student steps up, a Ravenclaw girl James doesn't remember the name of. The boggart turns into a gigantic snake that slithers across the floor menacingly. James hears a whimper from somewhere behind him and turns to find Barty clutching onto Alice's sleeve, staring at the snake with unconcealed fear. He is suddenly reminded of the prank they played on the Slytherin boys back in first year. How Barty had been terrified of them. James almost laughs at the memory of Barty jumping onto Evan to get away from the snakes.
The girl yells the spell they have spent the last few weeks learning, "Riddikulus !" and the snake wraps around itself before turning into a balloon that has been tied into the shape of a dog.
The next student up is Bradley Harvetz. When he steps in front of the boggart, the balloon pops before shooting around the room and morphing in the air, becoming a swarm of wild crows that threaten to nip at him. Bradley raises his wand and chants the spell. The birds quickly become glossy-white doves that whistle a charming tune.
Benji is next. The boggart becomes a Jack-in-the-box and Benji jumps when it springs from it's box before transforming it into a plain carboard box. Astro goes and it becomes a house, which James doesn't understand. The spell is shouted and the house breaks down into a doll's house.
When it is Pandora's turn, she walks forward confidently like nothing can touch her. The doll's house is manipulated and it twists in the air before vanishing completely. James is confused at first but then he feels something hit his shoe. He glances down and discovers a wave of water slowly seeping towards him. He looks back towards the centre of the room where Pandora is standing. The water reaches up to the laces on her boots and she stands there, frozen.
James has never seen Pandora afraid before. It's startling.
She stares down at the water with wide, panicked eyes, but she doesn't cast the spell yet. She is watching the water as if waiting for it to move or attack her. James wants to yell at her to get rid of it. It's making him uneasy. A hand reaches out from the water, pale and clammy and wrinkly, sort of how James' fingers look after he's taken a particularly long shower.
Pandora squeals and jumps away from it and the water she is standing in ripples. James' attention falls to the water once again and it is only then that he realises Pandora's reflection is not her own, but someone else's. He cannot tell who it is, not with the way the water ripples around her from her sudden movements. It looks like a man, but he can't be sure.
"Riddikulus," Pandora murmurs calmly, directing her wand towards where the water is reflecting another. The water vanishes and in it's place appears a storm of bubbles that flutter through the air like eager butterflies. Pandora doesn't react, she walks over to the back of the room instead and sits down on the floor between Benji and Astro, face paler than usual.
Marlene steps closer to the bubbles since it is her turn. They start to float together and then spin in the air like a tornado. The wind makes Marlene's hair rush around her head in a golden halo of movement. When the boggart settles down and James can finally see what it has become, he stares at it with confusion. It's a shadow... Except, it's not. It's got a mildly distinct shape, like a dementor has, but it's see-through and black. James remembers learning about a creature like this in Care of Magical Creatures - it was called a lethifold - and wonders if it is the same thing.
She turns it into a rug that drops onto the floor. Mary's boggart ends up being a quintaped and James can't even blame her for it. It looks like a mix between a gorilla and a spider. It starts to crawl towards her, eyes a sickly yellow colour that frightens James and it isn't even his boggart. Mary doesn't hesitate as she casts the spell and watches as it transforms into a cute monkey that sits on the floor and stares at the classroom of students.
James suddenly realises it is his turn. He walks towards the monkey with caution, eyeing it up and down. It turns to glance at him, tilting it's head curiously. Then, it stands on it's two hind legs and begins to grow, grow, grow. James watches with fear as the monkey transforms into a tree and is followed by another few dozen trees sprouting out of the ground. Suddenly, the room feels dark and James feels trapped. He tries to lift his wand but it shakes in his hand.
He is in the forest.
He hasn't been in it for over four years, not even once.
It's his worst fear.
James closes his eyes and gets the urge to cover his ears with his hands and lie in a ball on the floor. He wants to cry until his mother finds him. Cry until his father emerges from the woods without a dead body in his arms. Cry until Harry smiles again. He always liked to laugh at James, why can't he do that now? It would make this whole thing a lot easier, James thinks. Being in the forest again. Because he is all alone. Alone, alone and just more loneliness.
James.
He gasps at the sound of Regulus' voice.
Regulus shouldn't be here. James doesn't want him to be here. It isn't safe. He could be hurt. Or worse. He could be killed like Harry. James needs for him to leave. He needs- he needs-
James, say the bloody spell.
It makes him jump, the command, because it feels so close. James turns around in all directions, expecting to catch a glimpse of Regulus somewhere beside him. Instead, he finds him at the other side of the room. Since when were they in a room? James thought they were in the forest.
Regulus is staring avidly at him, begging with his eyes for James to do... something. He isn't even sure what, but he knows if Regulus wants it of him, he is going to do it. He has to, as a friend. They are friends, James thinks.
What was it Regulus had said?
Say the bloody spell.
What spell?
Then James remembers. He is in the Defence classroom and they were all facing a boggart. It was his turn. It is still his turn, James imagines. How else would the forest have followed him here? He tilts his head backwards to look up at the leaves of the trees. Behind them, there's a ceiling made of stone and carved with care.
James is in Hogwarts. He isn't in the forest. Regulus is here. Not Harry. There isn't a dead body. There isn't. James isn't alone.
"Riddikulus !" He announces the spell like it's the best thing he has ever heard. It is, he thinks, when it makes the forest surrounding him vanish. James glances up to see if the leaves are still there, but he instead discovers a starry night sky above him. It reminds him of the astronomy tower. Those chilly nights spent there with Regulus, something James never expected to happen. Now, it is the one thing he looks forward to.
His turn is now over, so he heads towards the back of the room and meets his friends there. They ask him a few questions, but he just brushes them off and gives them half-answers, not wanting to talk about it.
James wonders how Regulus managed to communicate with him in his head. How had he spoken to him without alerting anyone else? It was like he had been whispering directly into James' ear. The thought of that gives him goose bumps on his neck.
Regulus has been a bit mad at him ever since the prank in the dungeons, where the Gryffindor boys left Regulus, Barty and Evan to walk in circles for an entire day. However, James had soon softened him. It was strangely easy to do so.
Coincidentally, it is actually Regulus who goes next. The stars above him start to fall and then dot around in the space around him before glowing and turning into... faces? A tree grows around the faces, wrapping like untamed vines. James realises suddenly that it is a family tree. It isn't there for long, however, as Regulus rips his wand from his pocket and speedily murmurs "Riddikulus."
The family tree shrinks until there is only one face showing, then it turns into a baby that lies on the floor. James has no idea who it is - maybe Regulus' god son Nicholas?
Regulus gracefully strolls towards the back of the room, meeting Pandora who is standing a couple of paces away from James and his friends. Regulus meets his eye and James is surprised to find concern there. Has his boggart scared him that much? James hadn't realised how afraid of his family Regulus was. Not until now.
He wishes he could reach out to him. Touch him, hug him. But he can't do that without raising suspicion, so instead he smiles. Regulus actually returns it this time.
Barty breaks James' perfect line of vision to Regulus, coming into the frame of his eyesight and blocking it. His face is pale and he looks like he is about to throw up. James realises he must have just faced his boggart, and he is betting it wasn't great.
He turns back to the front of the classroom and watches with Mary and Marlene as the rest of the students tackle their fears.
That night, when Regulus arrives at the tower, James is already waiting for him. Regulus pushes open the door quietly and sneaks through. He doesn't notice James pacing by the edge until he clears his throat.
"Oh. Hello," Regulus says.
"How did you do it?" James asks. Regulus doesn't even pretend like he has no idea what James is on about. He walks over to the edge, standing across from him.
"Legilimency," Regulus whispers.
"You know how to perform legilimency?" James gapes when Regulus nods in response. "How?"
Regulus frowns slightly and looks down at where his hands are resting on the metal bar. "My mother uses it on me, so I taught myself how to block certain things out. Things I didn't want her to see."
"Reg, that's..." James doesn't even know what to say. That's disgusting, that his mother would ever violate him like that. It's terrible, that shouldn't have happened to Regulus. James knows Regulus wouldn't want pity. "You continue to impress me."
Regulus side-eyes him, a keen glint in his blue eyes. "Really?"
"Absolutely. I do not know any other third years who can perform the spell. You're brilliant, as always."
Regulus smiles and turns away. James wishes he wouldn't. He would like to see that smile. One he caused. When Regulus looks at him again, his eyes are hard and focused, his expression stern.
"Are you alright?" Is what comes out of his mouth when he finally speaks. James almost takes a step back from mere surprise.
"What do you mean?"
"Your boggart... It was to do with him, wasn't it?"
Him. James knows who Regulus means when he says him. Harry, of course.
"I'm-" James goes to say that he is okay, he's alright. It wasn't so terrible. But that wouldn't be the truth. If he is being honest, he's tried not to think about it once. His friends respected his wishes when he asked them not to talk to him about it. "I'm, uh-"
"James," Regulus says softly and James' attention is instantly captured by the use of his first name sounding so tenderly on Regulus' lips.
He sniffs, eyes suddenly blurred, chest feeling constricted. James brings a hand up to his chest. He grasps his pyjama top firmly as if it will help him catch his breath - it doesn't. He tightens his other fist on the railing.
"I can't-" His voice is unrecognisable to even him, sounding small and croaky.
"Hey, hey," Regulus steps closer, hands reaching out as if to touch James. "Can I?" James nods and Regulus wraps his small, cold hands around the one of James' that is clutching at his shirt. "Breathe, James. You aren't in the forest anymore. You haven't been there for years, remember? It's okay."
James' grip slackens on the bar and on his shirt. He allows Regulus to surround one of his hands with his own, holding it gently like it is something precious to be looked after. Regulus' eyes, so blue under the starlight, never leave his own.
"I'm sorry," James mumbles, ashamed. He dips his head and closes his eyes.
"Don't apologise for having a panic attack, James," Regulus mutters back, still holding onto James' hand.
"You were the only one who knew," James whispers, opening his eyes.
"What?"
"In the room, you were the only person who understood what my boggart really meant. I've only ever told you, Sirius, Remus and Peter."
"Oh," is all Regulus says.
"Thank you," James murmurs, reaching up with his other hand - the one that is not in between Regulus' right now - and rests it on top of one of Regulus' hands.
"For what?"
"Just being there," James whispers. "It really helped."
Saturday - 23rd March, 1974
On the morning of the Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, James and Frank wake up at the crack of dawn and rush down to the Quidditch pitch so that they can get some last-minute practice in. They spend just over an hour there before making their way over to the showers and then changing into their fresh Quidditch robes and going up to the castle for breakfast.
There are only a few other students in the hall when they arrive, none of which are Gryffindors. James and Frank sit opposite each other as they eat, waiting patiently for their friends and teammates to join them. The first Gryffindor down after them is Darius, who is flanked by Gideon, Fabian and Edwin. Frank waves them over and soon James is surrounded by a bundle of red and gold.
"You boys ready for today?" Darius asks the pair of them as he shovels a large spoonful of scrambled eggs onto his plate.
"Yes, Captain," James responds with a nod, whilst Frank hums through his mouthful of toast.
Soon, they are joined by Bracia and Skylar, who are also on the team. Darius begins to talk them through the tactics they have been planning for the past few weeks. They are lucky to have even made it this far into the season. Ravenclaw lost their match against Hufflepuff last month and that lost them enough points to fall behind Gryffindor. At the moment, Gryffindor is third, whilst Hufflepuff is second and Slytherin is at the top of the leader board. James knows how desperately Darius wants to get the Quidditch Cup this year, it's his last year as Captain.
Remus, Sirius and Peter show up not long after Bracia and Skylar, behind them are the girls. Alice and Mary are dressed head-to-foot in Gryffindor colours, with red and gold ribbons tied into their hair, and paint streaked across their cheeks. Alice is wearing Frank's Gryffindor team jumper, which has his name and number on the back of it. James watches as he blushes at the sight of his girlfriend wearing it.
Alice sits between Frank and Gideon at the table, not seeming to mind the look of irritation Darius is sending her for taking the focus of one of his Chasers. Frank looks lost for words as he takes in the sight of Alice. She grins and leans in to press a kiss to his cheek. This seems to remind Frank that he is expected to react in someway, because he blinks and then he's smiling.
"Hello." Frank's voice comes out a little strangled, but Alice just chuckles at him and tells him to pay attention to his Captain. Alice meets James' eye and shakes her head with exasperation.
Mary is sitting beside James and remains quiet until Darius is finished speaking. Eventually, he does stop talking and allows them to finish their breakfast. Mary turns to James and he faces her, mirroring her smile.
"Feeling confident?"
"As confident as I will ever be," James responds, bringing his cup to his mouth and taking a sip of pumpkin juice. "How come you got all dressed up?"
"I wanted to get into the spirit of the whole thing," Mary explains, shuffling closer to him on the bench. "Besides, Alice wanted to and I knew she would feel awkward about doing it all by herself."
"That's nice of you."
Mary shrugs. "I am a very nice person, James."
"The best, honestly," James replies sincerely.
He feels eyes on him and when he looks up he finds Lily and Remus watching the interaction between him and Mary with poorly hidden interest. James smiles at them bemusedly and they both smile before turning away. He watches as they begin to whisper between themselves, sending him and Mary one more look. James, confused, turns to Sirius, who is sitting on the other side of Mary with Marlene and Peter.
"Good morning."
"Is it?" Sirius grumbles. He's leaning with his elbow on the table, head in his hand, slowly slipping closer to Mary's shoulder. She laughs at the look of complete and utter fatigue on Sirius' face.
"Not awake yet then?" James chuckles.
Sirius mumbles something James can't make out. Then, "Moony dragged me out of bed before seven."
James glances over at Remus who just shrugs innocently, a small smirk curling at the corner of his lips. When he turns back to Sirius, he discovers he has fallen asleep against Mary's shoulder. She doesn't seem to mind as she pulls a stray piece of hair from out of Sirius' open mouth before tucking it carefully behind his ear.
"Right, come on team! We've got a game to win," Darius announces as he gets up from his seat, followed by the rest of the team. Mary wakes up Sirius and they are soon joined by their friends too.
Gideon and Fabian walk beside James and Frank as they make their way towards the pitch. It's something they have been doing since the beginning of second year when James made it onto the team. He remembers the day they informed him that they saw him and his friends as their legacies.
Darius gives them a final pep talk when they arrive at the stands. Madam Hooch orders them onto the pitch. They hold their brooms by their sides as they flood the pitch, the Hufflepuffs walk in from the opposite side of the pitch, flowing like golden ink.
They all mount their brooms, spare the captains, who step forward to shake hands. Darius and the Hufflepuff Captain - Stella Abbott - grin at each other before wishing the other luck. James knows they are dating and have been for years, Marlene told him. They both hop on their brooms and fly up to their respective places in the air. Hooch announces the rules, as if they don't all know them already, and then her whistle cuts through the air and the Quaffle comes into James' view.
Bracia, one of the Chasers for Gryffindor, snatches the Quaffle out of the air with lightning speed. James flies ahead of her at the same time Frank flies off to the side; they have been planning how to improve their passes ever since their last game, a way to make sure they score as much as possible in as little time as possible. They create a triangle in the air. One of the Hufflepuff Beaters Hazel Diggory sends a Bludger Bracia's way, but Fabian knocks it away speedily before sharing a high-five with Gideon as they both soar past each other.
Bracia chucks the ball towards Frank, who catches it easily and then zooms through the air in an arc, avoiding Hamza Shafiq, one of the Hufflepuff Chasers. James flies above Frank and forward. They are relatively close to the hoops now, close enough for James to score. Frank must realise this because in a blink the ball is rushing through the air in James' direction. He plucks it out of the air like it's the easiest thing he has ever done and then feints a left throw, which the Hufflepuff Keeper falls for, before sending it through the middle goal.
"Ten points to Gryffindor! Scored by Gryffindor Chaser James Potter, with help from other Gryffindor Chasers Bracia Matthews and Frank Longbottom!" Edwin announces from the spectator's box.
Casimir Burke, another of the Hufflepuff Chaser's, flies beneath the goals and grabs the Quaffle. James zooms off towards the middle of the pitch, making sure to remain in the triangle formation with Bracia and Frank. As the Quaffle is hurled through the air between two of the Hufflepuff Chasers, Frank appears from nowhere and grabs it, immediately chucking it towards James, who catches it and flies in the opposite direction. He spots Bracia below him and to his left, but she isn't close enough to the goal yet, so he holds onto the Quaffle for another minute.
A Bludger propels past his head, only missing his shoulder by a couple of inches, but he doesn't slow down. James spins so that he is flying upside down for a second, and as gravity is twisted the wrong way round, he lets go of the Quaffle, sending it in Bracia's direction. He rights himself on his broom and watches as Bracia launches the ball mercilessly through the hoop.
The next hour of the game goes like this, the Chasers from both teams scoring. Gryffindor remain in the lead at one-hundred to forty. There hasn't been any sightings of the Snitch yet from either end.
James hasn't moved his eyes away from the pitch at all this game, too focussed on his task of getting the Quaffle away from Hufflepuff and towards the goals. There is a point just over ninety minutes into the game when James watches as Frank and Bracia work together to get the Quaffle to the goals, whilst he remains behind in case the Hufflepuff Chasers somehow manage to intercept. His focus is stolen, however, as his eyes drift over the Slytherin stands. He finds Regulus in less than a second, standing right at the front of the crowd of Slytherins. His friends are with him, including Pandora who James would have expected to be with the Ravenclaws.
James pushes his glasses up on his nose, glad they haven't fallen off yet, and sends a brief smile Regulus' way. He thinks of the night before at the tower when Regulus had reluctantly wished him good luck. James had admitted that he wished they were playing against each other, saying he enjoyed it when they did that. Regulus had told him that if he won this game, they would get the chance to play against each other in the final match of the year. And, well. That had been a bit too good to resist.
Regulus' hand raises slightly from it's place on the edge of the stands. A small gesture. A half wave. Something to show James he is watching. James grins to himself and brings his attention back to the game just in time to watch Frank shoot the Quaffle through a hoop.
The scores rise throughout the game on both ends.
One-hundred and ten to fifty.
One-hundred and thirty to eighty.
One-hundred and sixty to one-hundred.
It ends up being a very long game, the longest James has ever played. So, it is a relief to hear when Edwin announces that Darius has spotted the Snitch. They are over two hours into the game and James' shoulders are beginning to grow tight and tired from overuse. He has sweat sliding ungracefully off his face, which is making it more difficult to keep his glasses on his nose. On top of all that, he is boiling and would love a cold shower right about now.
The game doesn't pause, not like the stands do as the viewers watch Darius and Stella race towards the Snitch. No, the Chasers keep on playing. James is passed the ball by Frank and fucking shoots through the air like a bolt of lightning. His new broom relents beneath him, letting him go as fast as he wishes. The world around him is a blur. He strikes out and sends the ball sailing through the hoop, taking the Keeper completely by surprise. Apparently, she hadn't been expecting James to continue playing.
A few seconds later, Edwin's voice is ringing excitedly through the pitch. "FUCK, YES, DARIUS! WE'RE INTO THE FINALS!" And James assumes they've won this match.
Frank slams into James' side, pulling him into a rib-breaking hug. Bracia comes in from the other side, wrapping her arms around them both.
The Prewett twins are talented at many things, but if James had to credit them for one thing, it would be their ability to throw amazing parties. The night of their win, they turn the common room into a party room, banishing all first and second years. They tell James that even if they didn't win, they would have had this party for his birthday, so either way he would have found himself here tonight. He's dancing with Sirius and Frank and they all know they look ridiculous - Remus keeps telling them they do - but they don't care. The music is loud and the spirits high. James has alcohol rushing through his veins. Perhaps, drinking so often isn't a great way to start his teen years, but he finds it fun.
Frank is soon dragged off by Alice, who pulls him over to an armchair, where they curl up there together and share a few lazy kisses. James looks away and continues to make a fool of himself with Sirius. Fabian and Gideon are never too far away. Gideon makes his way over to them, a bottle of something amber-brown in his hand. He offers it to them and they both raise their crushed cups.
"No, no, James, have more. You deserve it," Gideon slurs, holding James' hand that's around his cup. "Brilliant flier, just..." He makes a noise of approval. "Amazing."
"Why, thank you," James responds, giggling into his cup. "Not so bad yourself, Gid."
"I wish I was on the team," Sirius pouts before downing what's in his cup. He grimaces a bit but then shakes it off.
"One day, Tonksy," Fabian promises, coming from somewhere behind Gideon.
"Yeah, one day," Gideon echoes.
"Gid," Fabian says.
"Yuh?" Gideon turns and finds his brother, a grin appearing on his face. "Fabian! Where did you come from?"
"Our mother," Fabian replies with a giggle. They both fall into untamed laughter before Fabian remembers why he came over to find his brother, expression turning serious. "Oh, yeah. So, shit news. Ed's throwing up. Might wanna go check on him."
"Shit," Gideon frowns. "That is shit. Where is he? I need to see him. It's shit. Is he okay? Fab, tell me he's okay? Shit !"
Fabian and Gideon disappear into the crowd once again. James and Sirius turn to look at each other and then break down into laughter.
"Are you two alright?"
They both look up from where they have fallen on the floor from laughing too hard. Lily is standing above them, arms crossed over her chest, an amused expression on her face. At least she doesn't look mad at them, James thinks.
"Lils!" James howls, reaching his arms up towards her. She rolls her eyes before reaching out and lifting him from the floor. Sirius jumps up from his spot on the floor without help from Lily, looking suddenly alert.
"Lily! Oh Merlin, Lily, I haven't told you, have I?" Sirius grabs her by her shoulders, eyes wide as he stares at her from an inch away. James laughs as Lily tries to back away, wincing at the way Sirius' breath probably reeks of alcohol.
"Told me what, Sirius?" She asks, reaching up to slowly remove his firm grip on her shoulders.
"I told the boys and was going to tell you but I guess I just forgot. Marlene knows and I don't care who else knows. I just wanted to say to you. I wanted you to know it. Did you know it?" Sirius continues to ramble and James watches as Lily's face contorts with confusion.
"I don't know it, Sirius," she chuckles a bit. "You'll have to tell me."
"I like boys, Lily," Sirius whispers conspiratorially. "Especially, one of them."
James blinks and looks at Sirius. "One of them?"
"Oh, shit," Sirius mumbles as he looks at James. "James. When did you get there?"
"Always," James responds, bewildered by the question.
"Oh, shit," Sirius repeats, looking at Lily who is smiling fondly at him. Sirius grins back. "Hello, there, Lily. When did you get here?"
Lily turns to James. "I'm going to take him to his room. You should probably consider doing the same," Lily says.
"Room? No, I have somewhere to be," James announces, patting his pocket where he had stuffed the map a few hours ago.
Lily frowns at him. "Where?"
"A friend," James says, grinning like an idiot as he thinks of Regulus waiting at the tower. "But I didn't tell you anything. Remove this information from your mind."
"Right," Lily nods slowly. "Anyway. Bye, James. I'm taking Sirius to bed."
"Bed?!" Sirius shrieks and pulls himself from Lily. "No! I want to find Remus. Where's Moony? Moony !"
"Okay, god, fine. We can find Remus, just shut up," Lily agrees, covering her ears with her hands. James leaves them like that, heading towards the portrait. He doesn't have his cloak, so he will have to be careful not to get caught, but he does have the map.
When he has made it down the corridor, which takes him much longer than it usually does, he pulls it out of his pocket and unfolds it. The entrance to the astronomy tower is only a minute or so walk away, so he starts making his way in that direction. Filch is on the third floor, which is good. He is nowhere near James. There are a couple of seventh year students in the Prefect's bathroom, which James laughs at. When he looks at the astronomy tower, he finds Regulus waiting there.
When James reaches the entrance to the tower, he climbs up the few stairs to the top, stuffs the map under the highest step, and then enters the tower. He must make more noise than he thought because Regulus spins around to stare at him with wary eyes.
James grins brightly at him and hurries over to him.
"Hello, Regulus."
"What is wrong with you?"
James' smile drops a bit. "Well, that's a bit of a rude question. What is wrong with me? Why can't you ask what is right with me?"
"Are you... drunk?" There's a hint of entertainment glimmering in Regulus' eyes now. His lips curl in the corners a bit and James' eyes are drawn to the movement.
"I think so. I did drink a lot. Probably," James nods a bit erratically.
He doesn't expect Regulus to start laughing but he realises he quite likes this outcome. He watches Regulus laugh and feels his heart beat to the rhythm of it.
"Are you laughing at me?" He asks, smiling because he can't help it.
"Yes," Regulus admits instantly. "You're an idiot, you know?"
"Idiot," James repeats, smiling. "You say it like it's a compliment."
"No, I don't. You're stupid," Regulus says, settling down now.
"Idiot. Stupid." James hums to himself, bringing up his finger and tapping it against his chin as he thinks. "You know, I think you might be right. I don't think I'm right though."
"What are you talking about?" Regulus snorts.
"Am I right? Please, say I am, otherwise I really will feel like an idiot. I will be oh so stupid and you'll be proving it. Don't prove it, please," James pouts.
"Right about what?"
"Are we friends?" James asks it so quietly, with such vulnerability, because even drunk he is afraid of the answer. What if they aren't and he's just been wrong this entire time? What if Regulus doesn't want him? James shouldn't have even asked, he should have just lived in ignorance. He is sure that would be better than a full-on rejection. He feels himself stumble backwards a bit as the prospect of a rejection hits him. Regulus reaches out as if on instinct, catching James as his back hits the metal railing.
"Be careful, Potter, for fuck's sake," he snaps. His words are mean and his tone is sharp, but his eyes - those blue pools of stars, just like the night sky - are soft.
"No, then," James gulps, feeling oddly like he might cry.
"What?" Regulus questions, blinking twice before he removes his hands from around James' waist. It feels so much like how James touched him during their very first night together in the tower. Regulus could have stopped coming, could have ignored James, left him alone up here every time he came to find him. But he didn't. He started to interact with him and now here they are. Whatever this is, whatever they are, it's alive. James wants to cherish it, allow it to keep breathing.
"I'm not your friend," James states sadly.
"It's not..." Regulus frowns and looks away from James. James regrets whatever it is he's said or done that has made Regulus stop looking at him. He's about to fix it but then Regulus pins him to the spot as his eyes land on James once again. "If you want."
"If I want," James repeats dumbly. He blinks. Had he missed something?
"If you want, we can be friends," Regulus whispers. There's a vulnerability there that James hadn't seen before; it's identical to his own, he realises. A fear of being rejected, of not being wanted because of who he is. James can't even begin to fathom why Regulus would have this issue. James thinks he is perfect. He's cool, and talented, and smart, and funny. He can even be nice sometimes.
It's a confession, James notices. A confession he has been waiting to hear for years. Maybe Regulus has been waiting for years to say it.
"It's one of my worst regrets, you know," James admits, never breaking eye contact with Regulus.
"What is?"
"Ruining our friendship at the beginning of first year. I... Ever since then, I've missed you. I shouldn't have just let you leave. I should have followed you. I wish I followed you. If I could do it again now, I wouldn't even let you leave," James articulates all in a rush. He feels stripped raw. These are words he has thought of, confessions he's had buried in him along with everything else for years; words he has never said aloud, not until now.
"I don't usually believe in second chances," Regulus says and James feels his heart fall into his stomach. "But if I had to offer anyone one, it would be you."
James feels as the alcohol buzzes through his system, lighting up the blood in his veins, fizzles in his chest. His cheeks flush red to the point where the cold, night air doesn't even affect him. He stares at Regulus and realises this is it, the opportunity he has been waiting for for over two years. He never got a second chance with Harry, but he's getting one now.
"Friends then?" James asks, grinning at the sound of it.
"Friends," Regulus agrees with a short nod, mirroring James' smile. It's a very pretty smile.
They sit side by side under the starlight, knees knocking together, and James can't believe it. He is friends with a star. How lucky he is.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
Poen yn fy nhin = Pain in my arse (Welsh)MENTIONS:
-I feel so bad for Sirius. He is so in love with his best friend :(
-Tiny hint of the Dorlene enemies to lovers there 👀
-Drunk Remus might just be my favourite
-Not Sirius being drunk and wanting to kiss Remus... he's got it baaaaad, poor guy <3
-James and Remus' friendship <3 Sirius and Lily's friendship <3 Mary <3 Peter and Benji <3
-Evan's boggart actually makes me want to cry. Dorcas' makes so much sense to me because she always acts so full of life and happy all the time, but she is so afraid of people not liking who she is. Then, there's Peter, who is sort of in the same boat as Dorcas. Peter feels like without Sirius, he wouldn't have friends. It breaks my heart 💔
-Sirius' boggart was a tricky one to come up with for me. I feel like he would be afraid of his family and of where he came from based on the fact that his mother had to literally flee across the country to get away from them, on top of all of the other stuff he heard about them in his childhood. He would be afraid of them taking him back - that's what his boggart is.
-Lily's boggart isn't necessarily that she is afraid of being a Muggle, but she is afraid of being powerless. Whilst Remus' is that he is afraid of leaving his father behind if he one day dies from his condition.
-Lily has 100% clocked jegulus before either Regulus or James themselves have and that is hilarious to me.
-JAMES HAS FINALLY HAD A BREAKTHROUGH!! He hasn't 100% figured out what his sexuality is yet, but he is accepting it and he is thriving.
-Pandora's boggart... well, I'm sure you all know what it is. sorry, guys :/
-not Regulus being the only person in the whole fucking room who understands James' boggart 😫 he used legilimency to help his husband <3
-James' boggart being something connected to Harry, only for it to turn into something connected to Regulus... the parallels.
-MORE PARALLELS. Regulus and Sirius' boggarts were sort of the same. Regulus is just afraid of his family in general, whilst Sirius is afraid of them having him again.
-Mary and James' friendship <3 Sirius falling asleep on Mary's shoulder <3 Alice and Frank <3
-I love writing Quidditch stuff even if I don't completely know how to. It's just fun to have them zooming and twirling through the air on their brooms
-Drunk Sirius is also the best Sirius. He accidentally said too much though...oops.
-James and Regulus are officially friends! It only took them six months to clarify that.Thank you for reading! I hope you have all had a great week <3 This chapter was very long and took literally hours to edit, which is why it was up so late today. I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you all next week :)
Chapter 41: Third Year: Stay With Me
Summary:
The Easter holidays.
Regulus does some more searching for Andromeda and asks for help from one of his friends.
James shows Regulus a secret about the castle.
Sirius, reluctantly, makes a new friend.
Sirius has a bad day.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention of a murdered minor/student (Myrtle)
-brief mention of an arranged marriage that is unwanted
-very brief mention of a dead child (Harry)
-someone comes out to a friend (there's a good reaction)
-mention of spiders (acromantula in the forbidden forest)
-someone is bruised by another person (not explicit)
-Sirius has a bad day/isolates himself from the others/feels like an imposter in his family because he's adopted
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I fear that saying what I feel will kill
the comfort we found in each other.
~ Anonymous
Sunday - 31st March, 1974
Regulus
He isn't really sure how he ended up here, it's not like this visit was in his plans for today. It's a Sunday, so Regulus' only intention for the day was to go to the final Potions club meet-up before the Easter holidays in a week's time. Today, he and James were given a range of random ingredients and were ordered to create something from their resources. They had ended up making a mild Draught of Peace, or some kind of concoction that gave a similar effect. Regulus had been the one to test it out this time, since the last time they did something like this in Potions Club, it had been James who drank the Wit-Sharpening potion; Regulus will never forget how oddly James had reacted to the potion that day. He has never asked him about it and probably never will, but still.
Afterwards, he went to his dormitory, expecting to find some combination of his friends there, but it was empty. Regulus, still feeling relaxed thanks to the peaceful potion, hadn't wanted to go on a manhunt looking for his friends. So, that is how he found himself making the mildly arduous journey from the dungeons to the second floor. There was a small part of himself that didn't really know where he was going to end up, maybe the astronomy tower - no one would be there this early on a Sunday morning, not even Professor Sinistra.
However, instead, he'd been halted by the sound of a miserable whine coming from the abandoned girls' bathroom.
He hasn't seen Myrtle once over the past couple of months. When he first showed his face, she'd let out an offended huff and one of the taps had exploded, shooting water in Regulus' direction. Regulus quickly apologised and Myrtle was fast to forgive him. Now, he's sitting on the stone floor, not as damp as it usually is, leant against one of the empty stall doors. Myrtle is hovering by his side, legs crossed, hands in her lap as she regards him with a fond expression. He's been informing her on what he has been up to over the last couple of months. Explaining to her that third year isn't as difficult as he thought it would be, especially with the foreign subjects he isn't used to taking, but it is very time-consuming.
"Then, there has been this whole situation with my friend Barty-"
"The freckly one?" Myrtle asks, much to Regulus' bewilderment.
"Yes," Regulus responds, somewhat cautiously. He narrows his eyes, curiosity climbing up his spine. "How did you know?"
"I follow you sometimes," Myrtle admits with a half-shrug. At the sight of Regulus' uncomfortable expression, she is quick to explain, "Only when you haven't visited for a very long time. I get... worried."
"It's not like anything can happen to me here, Myrtle. We're at Hogwarts," Regulus argues, his tone a bit petulant even to his ears. He just doesn't like the idea of Myrtle following him around. How has he never noticed her spying on him before?
"Hogwarts," Myrtle huffs out a laugh. "I died here, you know. Even Hogwarts isn't immune to danger, as much as you'd like to wish it was. It's reputation of being the safest place in the country is merely a façade."
Regulus had almost forgotten for a moment there, that Myrtle is dead. She seems so... alive. Regulus realises that is one of the reasons for ghosts, the living dead. A way of maintaining someone's memory even after death. Still, there is something specially lively about Myrtle that other ghosts Regulus has met lack. Where they all speak about their life like it was some big adventure, Myrtle speaks of what she wishes she had done if she hadn't died. She speaks about the future, sometimes living vicariously through Regulus. Because he gets a chance to live, where she didn't.
It makes him sick, the realisation that he lives in the place she was murdered. She had been younger than he is now. It never used to be obvious, not when Regulus first met her. He could pretend she was merely another student in his year; but now he is growing and she is not, and it is terribly obvious. As he loses the baby fat around his face, Myrtle's cheeks remain chubby in that way only a child's can. As he grows taller, she remains identical to how she appeared when he first met her. As Regulus learns to speak with more maturity, Myrtle continues to speak petulantly when she is upset, just like all children do.
Myrtle has told him how she died before and Regulus has never quite understood it. She had simply stared something, some unknown creature that she didn't get the chance to look at, in the eye and it had killed her. Just like that. Myrtle Warren was living and standing one second, and then dead on the floor the next.
There were rumours around the time it happened that Hagrid had been involved, but Myrtle protested against this and informed Regulus that Hagrid had always been friendly to her during her two short years at Hogwarts. He was a year older than her and a Gryffindor, so their paths didn't cross much, but he always seemed kind enough, eager to lend a helping hand. Regulus can't imagine Hagrid harming anyone, especially not a human being. He remembers the way Hagrid had sent him a tear-stained letter, apologising after Walburga sent Regulus a howler, reprimanding him for hanging out with Hagrid.
No, Hagrid is not a killer.
Regulus wonders if Myrtle truly was murdered or if it was all a big accident. After all, Wizards and Witches are very powerful, but they can't kill someone by simply looking them in the eye.
He speaks to Myrtle about his friends and debates on whether or not he should bring up his new friendship with James. Which, by the way, had taken Regulus completely by surprise. As far as he was aware, James only stayed with him on the tower at night because of his own fears, not because of Regulus at all. However, now he realises he'd had it all wrong, because James' voice had been so desperate, so heart-breaking when he asked Regulus if they were friends.
It was probably in Regulus' best interest to deny him, to say no. He's done it before, surely he could do it again. Only... James was staring at him, properly looking at him, through him almost, and Regulus realised that he didn't want to say no. James has somehow managed to get know a part of Regulus that very few people know exist, all in the space of six months.
There's still that small, lingering fear of embarrassment that came with saying yes to a question like that. What if, one day soon, James realises he actually doesn't want to be friends with Regulus anymore. He's done it before. What if he decides he doesn't like who he is friends with and forgets about him all over again? Won't it have been humiliating that Regulus ever said yes again? Won't it show James how pathetic and weak he is?
In the end, he said yes anyway. Like he said to James, he doesn't usually do second chances, but if he did for anyone, it would be him. James Potter, who Regulus has never found it within himself to hate. James Potter, who has somehow managed to invade Regulus' silence completely and he doesn't even loathe him for it. James Potter, who sees right through him.
He's James Potter.
There are so many layers to the boy that Regulus hadn't expected. He knows there are more, hundreds more. So many things he still doesn't know. Sides of James he hasn't discovered yet. Usually, that would disturb him, or potentially anger him. With James, he finds it fascinating, exciting even. He can't wait to find James' different faces, reveal what's hiding behind all of his masks. Masks so different from Regulus'; ones meant to protect others and himself, rather than to keep up appearances.
If he's being honest, Regulus can't believe James has chosen him. He wants to be friends with Regulus, even if that means risking his other friendships. He chose him, and Regulus isn't going to make him regret that. A part of him wishes he could tell his other friends all about James, how he is able to understand just how much physical contact Regulus is able to handle at certain times. Other times, he wants to keep him all to himself, just like the museum at night time. Regulus owns the museum of the night, and now he gets to be the only person who has James Potter under the stars.
Regulus decides to not tell Myrtle about James, he'd like to keep him to himself for just a little bit longer if he can.
When he leaves, Myrtle visibly pouts and Regulus has to promise to visit her over the Easter holidays just so that she will smile.
He is on his way out of the castle, thinking he will go for a stroll around the lake to fill up his time alone. It's rare that he is ever alone nowadays. He remembers how his life used to be so lonely, he had always wanted a sibling. Brother, sister, he didn't care. There was Narcissa, but she was so much older than him and that age gap tended to show it's face more often than not. He loves hanging out with his friends, but sometimes he misses the alone time so that he can think.
It's April tomorrow and spring has definitely arrived. The grass is a very rich shade of green, decorated with scattered daisies and dandelions, making it look like someplace a fairy would live. The sun is high in the sky and shines warmly against Regulus' skin. He rolls his sleeves up to his forearms, suddenly flushed with heat. The lake ripples, almost like it's giggling up at the sun. To top it off, the air has a fresh sweetness to it that makes him want to spend hours out here, lying under the sun.
He doesn't get very far around the lake before his thoughts are interrupted by a pair of voices approaching him. It seems they too had the idea to walk around the lake. Pandora grins at him as they come to a halt across from each other. Somehow, her hair has managed to grow lighter in the sun, glittering on her head like a blanket of snow. Her cheeks are flushed like she's been laughing a lot, it spreads over the hill of her nose and under he freckles.
Regulus glances at the girl beside her. Lily Evans.
He supresses the urge to roll his eyes.
There is nothing wrong with Evans, not really. She seems nice enough and Regulus knows Pandora is very fond of the girl, so she must have something special about her. But when he looks at her, all he can think about is her very embarrassing crush on James, which makes his stomach squirm sickeningly. He hates it when people openly fawn over others and finds it completely mortifying.
Evans smiles blindingly at him as if she holds him in high regard, enough for her to feel he deserves this warm greeting from her. When he doesn't return it, her expression drops a fraction.
"Hello, Reggie," Pandora smiles and Regulus turns to her, his lips curl up slightly. He can never deny Pandora a smile.
"Hey, Pandora. Where are you off to?"
"Lily and I just finished lapping the lake and were about to head off to Hagrid's for some tea," Pandora explains, flicking her curly hair over her shoulder when it falls in her face. She looks between Lily and Regulus, almost expectantly. Then, "You should come with us. Come on, you haven't visited Hagrid in ages. He misses you, I think."
Evans looks like she is going to take a step back at Pandora's disclosure that Regulus voluntarily visits Hagrid. Especially, frequently enough for the half-giant to miss him when he doesn't go. He feels the urge to sneer at her, but stops himself, not wanting to upset Pandora. Instead, he blankly stares at her shocked expression and then turns back to Pandora.
"I'm sure he's fine, I could just go during the holidays-"
"You're staying for Easter?" Evans asks, completely interrupting Regulus' pleasant conversation with Pandora. There's a hungry sort of curiosity in her eyes that both confuses and frightens Regulus. It's the sort of look Walburga adorns whenever she suspects Regulus has done something wrong. It's the I know what you've done, and you're in trouble look.
"Yes," Regulus responds curtly. "Why?"
"No reason," Evans says, smiling again.
"Please, Regulus. Come with us," Pandora begs, eyes widening and glittering with hope. Regulus sighs, defeated, and Pandora grins, jumping over to loop her arm through his. "Right, let's go now."
Evans walks on Regulus' other side as they make their way over to Hagrid's hut. He doesn't know why she won't walk next to Pandora. Does she expect him to begin a conversation with her? Well, there's hoping and then there's just dreaming. She must be delusional if she thinks he is going to willingly speak to her.
Again, there's nothing wrong with her. She's just a bit annoying. And her crush on James is embarrassing. And she's a Gryffindor.
Okay, so there are a few things wrong with her, none of enough importance for Regulus to use them as an excuse for why he is outright ignoring her. What can he say? He doesn't like her. End of.
Hagrid beams at the sight of Regulus on his doorstep, practically ignoring the two girls as he nudges him inside, intending to be gentle but almost making Regulus fall flat on his face. He makes them all tea, even if it is a bit too hot outside for a warm drink. Pandora starts munching on one of Hagrid's homemade cookies, whilst Regulus and Lily both reject the offer. Regulus is aware that Hagrid cannot bake to save his life. How Pandora hasn't lost a tooth yet is baffling to him.
Hagrid brings up the topic of Quidditch and informs Regulus he has watched every single game and is very proud of how well he is doing so far this year. Regulus, embarrassingly, feels himself blush under the praise. His mother never tells him she is proud of him, not where Quidditch is concerned. His father is either too busy with work or being sick to remember Regulus even has a spot on the Slytherin Quidditch team, which he can't blame him for really. So, it touches a vulnerable spot inside of him when Hagrid proclaims he is proud of him.
They speak about the final game coming up and how it will be Slytherin versus Gryffindor, just as it had been the year before. Regulus is going to try specially hard to win this year. He remembers how crestfallen Evan had been when they lost the previous year. As much as he doesn't mind if they win or not (he just likes to fly), he cares about his friend. If winning will make Evan happy, then Regulus will win this fucking cup for him. Especially after the year Evan has been having, what with his father being a prick, the unwanted courtship between Evan and Holly Travers, and then everything that went on with Barty at the beginning of the year. Regulus knows how much Evan cares about all of his friends, especially Barty, since those two are very close, so it must have been extremely difficult for him to watch his best friend go through such a tough time.
There had been a couple of nights during the first term of the year where Evan had crawled into bed with Regulus, needing the company. Regulus hadn't denied him either time, giving whatever he could offer. Evan was always careful not to touch him, which Regulus could appreciate.
Hagrid speaks with Pandora and Evans about their Care of Magical Creature's class, which Pandora is particularly fond of. Regulus would have quite liked this class, but his mother never would have condoned him taking up the subject. She wasn't particularly pleased with Regulus' decision to take Divination, but it was either that or only take two new subjects this year, which was just not an option. Regulus had outright refused to take the minimum amount of electives. Barty never would have let him live it down.
The hours tick by until, finally, it's dinner time. Regulus skipped lunch, so he is quite hungry. They say goodbye to Hagrid, who sends Pandora off with a few cookies, telling her to give some to Evan, Barty, Dorcas and Scarlett when she next sees them. Pandora promises she will and then hugs Hagrid.
It isn't a very long walk up to the castle, not when they cut through the greenhouses. Pandora is appropriately distracted by Sprout's breed of dancing cacti, but Lily is able to drag her away, commenting on how she has heard Regulus' stomach grumble half a dozen times since they left Hagrid's. Regulus glares at her, trying to think up some witty remark he can say to her, but he doesn't get the chance.
They enter the castle and, right as they are about to enter the Great Hall, another group of students are doing the same thing. Regulus trips over someone's foot and is caught, arms looping around his waist. Peculiarly, they do not make him feel like wriggling out of his skin at the mere contact. No, these are familiar. Arms he's had around him before, multiple times, for whatever reasons.
The person is quick to extricate them self from Regulus as soon as he has regained his balance. Pandora checks if he is alright and he nods as he turns his head to find James standing only a foot away, his posse behind him. Regulus scowls.
"Steady on," James chuckles.
"Shut up," Regulus retorts, cheeks feeling warm. Brilliant, now he's the one being embarrassing.
"Do Slytherins not know any decent manners?" Tonks voices from somewhere behind James. Regulus looks at him just in time to watch him roll his eyes. "A thank you would have sufficed rather than your bitchy attitude."
"Sirius," James and Evans scold at the same time. Regulus is surprised by both. Evans for obvious reasons - they aren't friends. And James because since when did he stand up for Regulus against his precious Tonks?
"Sirius, your mum is a Slytherin," Remus adds, a bit quieter than James and Evans had spoken.
"Yeah, and she knows how to say please and thank you."
"Thank you, Potter, for catching me and being the reason I am stuck in this conversation," Regulus speaks blankly, looking at Tonks the entire time, even as he addresses James.
"Come on, let's all just go, yes?" Pettigrew speaks up, seeming almost amicable towards Regulus, which is a first. Maybe it's got something to do with the food only a few feet away from them and the fact that his stomach just grumbled.
"Yeah, okay," James mumbles, looking at Regulus once more.
They all go to walk through the entrance at the same time. Regulus' arm brushes against James' and he feels as James knocks his pinkie against Regulus' purposefully. He doesn't look at him, not until he is firmly sat at the Slytherin table on the complete opposite side of the room. When he does, James is laughing at something Remus has just said. His eyes crinkle behind his glasses and he chucks his head back. It's all very loud and unfiltered, but Regulus likes it. He also feels horrendously jealous that he can't be over there with James. Sometimes, life is just a bit too unfair for Regulus' liking.
Saturday - 6th April, 1974
On the day that most of the Hogwarts students catch the train back to London, Regulus rushes off to the library, hoping to find it empty. He almost feels disappointed when he finds Scarlett sitting at his usual table. They study together sometimes, but he doesn't need to study today. He has much more important things to research.
And secretly.
Unfortunately for him, Scarlett spots him almost as soon as he has stepped foot into the library. He wonders where Barty is. Evan, Pandora and Dorcas all went home for Easter, so if Barty isn't with Regulus or Scarlett, Regulus hopes he isn't getting himself into trouble.
"Hello, Regulus," Scarlett says as he approaches her. "Are you here to start working on Flitwick's essay on the Fidelius Charm ?"
"No," Regulus replies, sinking into the seat opposite her. Scarlett has her hair up in two French braids today, but there's still a few hairs that have fallen out and dangle down over her eyes. He wonders if that is annoying for her.
"Sinistra's essay then?" She doesn't look up from her work as she speaks.
"No. Actually, I uh... I sort of need to research something more personal."
Scarlett does look up then, a quizzical glint in her eye. "Personal? Is this a boy thing... or is it something I can help you with?"
"A boy thing?" Regulus blurts, flustered. "No, it's... Something about my family."
"Oh, okay then." Scarlett starts rolling up the piece of parchment she was just writing on and stuffs it in her bag. She pulls out a fresh piece and looks back up at Regulus. "Can I help?"
Regulus realises he has never actually spoken to anyone about his suspicions about the mysterious Andromeda Black who vanished from his family. Not unless he counts the confrontation he had with Evan in the bookstore in Diagon Alley a year or so ago. He hadn't gotten anything out of the boy and had only ever hinted around the subject. Scarlett is very smart, and Regulus knows he can trust her (after all, she was the one who suggested they play along with their parents' plan to court them, when in actuality they are just friends; as far as he knows, Scarlett has never divulged this secret to anyone). Maybe she could help him.
"What do you know about the history of my family?" He leans forward so that she can hear him as he whispers. She picks up on this and replies in a tone just as quiet as his own.
"Not a lot, only what the public know."
"I thought you might say that. You know my cousin Narcissa?" When Scarlett swiftly nods, he carries on. "Well, I discovered she might have had a second sister. There's evidence on my family tree, a charred face. I want to know what happened to her... Even if I don't know who she is, she's-"
"Family," Scarlett nods, understanding. "I know what you mean. It isn't exactly the same thing, but my mother has a brother who I have never met and he has children, my cousins. My mother hated her family because they didn't share the same bigoted beliefs as she did, so I've never met any of them."
Regulus frowns. "I never knew that."
Scarlett shrugs. "The cousin closest to my age was in seventh year during our first year - Dacre Patil. I didn't have the confidence to speak to him. I thought he would hate me because of who my mother was."
"I'm sure that wouldn't have been true," Regulus attempts to soothe her. It partially works. Scarlett sends him a grateful smile and then exhales heavily.
"Right then, what is it you wanted to research specifically?"
"She's got children," Regulus begins to explain, "this cousin of mine. Her name is Andromeda. She got married, so I have no idea what her last name could be now. She has two children and I just... I guess I want to know who they are, where they are."
"We could look at the book containing birth records," Scarlett suggests, immediately ready to help him.
"Hogwarts has one of those?" Regulus asks, frowning.
"Yes," Scarlett nods eagerly. "It dates back to the seventeen-hundreds. Do you know when your cousin left your family, so we can have a rough time frame?"
"I think she left right before I was born, which means if she was pregnant when she left, assuming she hadn't already had the baby, we should start at 1960 to present. When I last saw the tree, there was a new branch growing, so she must have been pregnant again. She'll have already given birth or will in the next five months."
"Alright, so we will research 1960 to present time. We won't be able to get parents' names, unfortunately, but if we discover the children's last names then we could research the family in another book and see if we come across an Andromeda."
"What if she married a Muggleborn or a Half-Blood with a Muggle name? Scratch that, what if she married a Muggle?" Regulus asks.
Scarlett bites her bottom lip, thinking. "If so, we can look at marriage records, but that might take months to go through."
"I've been searching for her for years," Regulus admits, running a hand through his hair out of stress. "I'm sure a few months won't hurt."
"Alright, I'll go and find the book of birth records, you find the marriage records from the year 1960 to present time," Scarlett commands, already standing up from her chair.
They manage to make it through the years 1960, 1961, and 1962 of birth records before it is time to go to dinner. Regulus imagines their other friends must have reached London by now. They don't make very much progress. They have spent the last few hours jotting down names of families that are not as well-known as those in the Sacred Twenty-Eight, or those like the Starks and the Potters. So far, Regulus has a very long list of random names, hoping one of them will be his second-cousin. He knows the odds mean none of them probably are, but he's trying to be optimistic for once.
They find Barty at the Slytherin table when they get to the Great Hall. He's sitting with a girl from the year above - Brittany or Brielle. Something like that. They look disgustingly close, so close that if Regulus was in that position, he would be squirming to get away. Brittany-Brielle laughs at something Barty has just whispered in her ear and Regulus almost gags when he realises Barty is... flirting.
Scarlett looks amused by the display. As they pass Barty and Brittany-Brielle at the table, Scarlett ruffles Barty's hair, making him try to stretch away from her. She quietly laughs to herself when Barty yells back at her. Regulus smirks.
"What is he doing flirting with Bailey Adams?" Scarlett snorts.
"How do you know her name?" Regulus asks.
Scarlett blushes and Regulus has no idea why. She clears her throat before responding. "She's in our house. I just heard her name get mentioned once or twice. She is way out of Barty's league."
"Do you think so?" Regulus turns to look at the pair of them. Barty has slid closer across the bench and now has an arm over Bailey's shoulders. She has sandy, blonde hair and green eyes. She isn't unattractive but Regulus doesn't see anything special about her either. Barty is one of the prettier boys in their year, so Regulus has no idea what Scarlett means when she says Bailey is way out of Barty's league. If anything, Regulus would say Barty is out of Bailey's league.
"Definitely," Scarlett nods as she starts to fill her plate. "She is very pretty."
"Barty's pretty, too," Regulus shrugs.
Scarlett freezes as she is about to place a ladle-full of peas onto her plate. She slowly turns to look at Regulus, eyebrows furrowed, a searching look in her eye that makes Regulus feel like an ant under a magnifying glass. He shuffles in his seat, looking away and then back and then away again.
"You think Barty's... pretty ?" Scarlett raises an eyebrow.
Regulus squirms a bit. This feels like a test. He doesn't know what it is a test of though, so he feels himself begin to sweat under the pressure of it - well, that and Scarlett's piercing gaze.
"Uhm... yes?"
What he doesn't expect is for Scarlett's lips to gently curl into a grin. Regulus gets the impression it isn't meant for him, but for her. Like she's just figured something out and is laughing at him for not getting it. He doesn't like it.
"I suppose you're not wrong," she replies eventually and then continues to fill her plate.
Regulus feels odd for the rest of the evening. The feeling only grows when Barty comes stumbling back to the dormitory just after midnight. Regulus hasn't gone to the tower tonight, too worried about Barty. Never before have either Evan or Barty stayed out past ten p.m. So, it is a bit concerning.
Regulus pretends to be asleep and is sort of glad he isn't actually, because Barty would have certainly woken him up if her were with all of the racket he's making. His clothes are all rumpled and his hair looks like someone has been tugging at it. Regulus wonders briefly if he got into a fight. Not a lot of students stayed at Hogwarts for Easter this year, most of the ones still here are seventh years, taking advantage of the mostly empty castle and prepping for their N.E.W.Ts. So, if Barty did get into a fight, Regulus will be able to figure out who did it by tomorrow morning at breakfast, merely by the state they must be in, too.
Sunday - 7th April, 1974
The next morning at breakfast, Regulus doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Everyone looks rather normal. Barty isn't bruised up, so Regulus thinks he must have done something stupid last night to get himself in such a state. Regulus does notice James sitting at the Gryffindor table with Evans and Remus. Remus looks worse for wear, like he's sick or something. Evans and James work together to make his breakfast up for him like he's the fucking Queen of England or something.
Regulus spends breakfast with both Scarlett and Barty. Barty does invite Bailey Adams to sit with them, but she decides to sit with one of her Ravenclaw friends instead, so he is sulking over his cornflakes.
Barty and Scarlett soon start to bicker about something so futile, Regulus has forgotten the subject of their argument as soon as he blinks. When he does, he finds his eyes jumping back over to the Gryffindor table. James is now looking his way. He waves his hand slightly whilst Evans and Remus are busy talking, so they don't notice.
Regulus can't reciprocate the wave, knowing how observant Scarlett is of all things that go on around her. So, instead, he raises an eyebrow, smirking a little.
James grins to himself and looks down at the table like he is trying to contain his smile. When his gaze returns to Regulus', his cheeks are noticeably pink.
Suddenly, Regulus regrets skipping his visit to the astronomy tower last night. He wonders if James went, only to discover it barren. He hopes James decided not to go because that would mean he had to spend a lot of time alone in the dark. Regulus knows how much he hates the dark.
When Remus nudges James to get his attention, they both break the shared eye contact and turn back to their respective friends.
Wednesday - 10th April, 1974
Barty has been absent a lot over the last few days. Suspiciously, so has Bailey Adams.
Regulus has been trying his best not to think about it, not overly interested in Barty's romantic life and it's sudden existence. That can be Evan's problem when he returns. Regulus doesn't want to hear about it.
Today might be the first day where Barty is actually in front of him and has remained there for longer than ten minutes. Scarlett is spending the morning in the library, finishing off the homework set for them for the holidays. Regulus isn't overly bothered with completing it just yet. He could do with a break.
Barty suggests they go out for a fly and so they grab their brooms and head off towards the Quidditch pitch. They don't bother changing into their kit, both agreeing it would be too time-consuming if they aren't even going to playing any Quidditch.
They race around a bit and show each other new tricks they have learnt recently. Regulus shows Barty his Wronski Feint and laughs at the sheer panic on Barty's face when he thought Regulus was falling.
They see who is faster (Regulus) by doing laps of the pitch. Barty teaches Regulus how to stand up on his broom whilst it's hovering in the air. He wouldn't do this around a lot of people, but he trusts Barty to catch him, or at least ease his fall, if he goes plummeting towards the ground. It's fun. It feels like he is walking the line between dangerous and rebellious; an exhilarated flush shoots through his body. Sometimes, it's nice to just live, hang out with his friends and do stupid things that might get him hurt and have those be his biggest worries.
Eventually, Bailey comes out to the pitch and sirens Barty down to her. He dutifully flies off towards her, yelling a giggly goodbye to Regulus. Once Barty is gone, Regulus lies back on his broom and watches as the clouds swim across the sky. It's relaxing, watching the clouds move. They don't have a care in the world and get to spend their days dancing in the sky. Regulus would like to be a cloud.
"You alive up there?"
Regulus tilts his head to look down at the ground where James is standing, broom in hand, grinning up at Regulus. In broad daylight. Not under the stars. Under the clouds. They might get caught. They might not. Regulus is frustrated by this. He is also extremely happy about this. James has left his other friends, who are very much awake because it is not night time, so he can hang out with Regulus.
Regulus watches as James mounts his broom and floats up to where Regulus' broom is hovering in the air. There's only an inch or two between them and the open air.
"Morning, Reg," James grins, his glasses wonky on his nose. Regulus sits up, not smiling, frowning a bit. He reaches forward and James stills. He touches the frame of James' glasses and rights them so that they are straight now. "Oh, thanks."
"You looked silly," Regulus explains. He feels an explanation is necessary.
"Says the boy who is on a broomstick in what can only be top-of-the-market, posh-boy trousers," James retorts in an overly pompous voice. Regulus chuckles at his ridiculousness.
"They're comfortable," he shrugs.
"So are these," James says, kicking his legs in the air like a child. Regulus looks down at James' jeans. "Are you coming to the tower tonight?"
Regulus glances back up at James' face. "Yes, I think so."
"Good," James beams. "I want to show you something."
Regulus raises his eyebrows. "You want to show me something?"
"A place. A secret place."
Regulus freezes. James can't be talking about the Room of Requirement. He just can't be. That is Regulus' room and his room only. He isn't ready to share.
He doesn't let himself panic about it, not yet. Not until James shows him wherever it is he wants to show Regulus. The castle is massive - it could be anywhere.
"Alright," Regulus agrees with a small nod.
"Great. Now, let's go for a fly, little Seeker."
They meet at the astronomy tower later, once everyone in the castle is asleep. James is not taking him to the Room of Requirement. Regulus' first hint of this is that James does not take him to the seventh floor of the castle. Instead, they journey down to the third floor corridor, where there is pretty much nothing other than classrooms. Regulus follows James, even if he is confused. There's a part of him that wonders if he is about to be pranked. He doesn't think James would do that to him, use their friendship and growing trust in that way, but it's a possibility.
They stop in front of a very hideous statue. It's of a troll with one eye, or is it a witch with a hump? Regulus can't really tell. Either way, she needs some self-care, that's for sure.
Regulus turns to James, staring blankly at him. "What the fuck is this, Potter?"
"Potter," James groans. "Haven't I earned James? Also, I swear we go over this, like, every time we speak."
"It depends what mood you catch me in," Regulus shrugs, turning back to the statue. "Now, what on Merlin's green earth are you trying to show me? If it's this statue, then you owe me a good time because this is a major let down, just so you know."
James chuckles under his breath, a sound that draws Regulus' attention back to his face. "I'm not trying to show you the statue, Reg. It's about what's behind the statue."
"Behind it?" Regulus' eyebrows furrow as he examines the statue and her rump.
"Dissendium," James whispers, pointing his wand at the statue. There's a creaking sound and then the dreadful noise of stone scratching against marble. Regulus almost covers his ears with his hands but manages to shrug away the impulse. He watches with shock as the statue moves to the side, only to reveal a very long, very dark passageway.
"Potter?" Regulus questions, peering into the gap.
"Hurry, we don't want to be caught," James says, pushing Regulus into the tunnel.
"What the fuck? Where are we? Potter? Oh, for goodness sake. James ?" Regulus turns in the dark, not even thinking to pull out his wand and cast a Lumos.
"Here," James whispers right in his ear and Regulus feels himself shudder. The next second, there's an abrupt burst of light and James' face comes into view.
"Not funny, Potter," Regulus grumbles, folding his arms. "I don't like small spaces, so this better be a short fucking tunnel."
"You've got quite the mouth on you today, haven't you?" James smirks. "Don't worry, it'll only take us about an hour."
"An hour?!" Regulus begins to fret. "Where does it even go?"
"It's a surprise. Come on," James gestures with his head in the direction of the long, dark space in front of them. Regulus sighs.
"Fine," he grits, not liking this one bit. "This better be good." He lights his wand and takes up the rear as James ambles along in front him.
Steadily, the tunnel grows less narrow, enough for Regulus to walk by James' side, rather than behind him. They speak back and forth about arbitrary things. Meanwhile, Regulus' mind works on overdrive to try and figure out where James could possibly be taking him.
"When we met, what was the first thing that popped into your head when you looked at me?" James asks. He's always asking the most random questions, things Regulus really has to think about before he can answer properly. This question in particular is rather tricky for him to answer. It had been so long ago and Regulus spent the last two and a half years trying to forget their first encounter. When he lets himself return to the memory, he is shocked to discover he can remember it all in vast detail.
The first thing he'd noticed were James' eyes, massive and amber-brown behind his glasses. Then, his hair. Regulus recalls how he thought it looked like a haystack more than it looked like someone's hair.
When James sat down, Regulus knew he should introduce himself, but there was an awkwardness there that lingered between them; two boys who were so used to being alone, not sure how to communicate. Regulus had spotted how afraid James appeared to be. He remembers that. A lot. Now, he knows why James was so afraid that first day, it was because the last friend he made was Harry, and Harry was dead.
"You were afraid," Regulus says eventually. "I was a bit... nervous, too, not yet used to other people. But I could tell it was worse for you, so it helped me get over my own fear."
"I was going to sit alone," James whispers, so quietly Regulus almost doesn't catch it. "I told myself I wouldn't make any friends, that I would be alone for the next seven years. I didn't want... to risk anyone else, not after what happened with Harry. So, I was going to sit alone. But then I saw you."
Regulus turns to look at James, whose eyes are earnest, glowing like molten gold under his wand-light. His expression is vulnerable; it takes Regulus by surprise every time he sees it. He sometimes forgets just how fragile James is, because in public he wears a full suit of armour, whether to protect himself from the world or the world from him. He hides behind it and Regulus knows that only a few select people have ever been given the opportunity to sneak a peek and what lies beneath it. He is lucky to be one of them.
"You were alone, but there was something different about you. You weren't just lacking company, it was like loneliness was a part of you that you carried. I knew what that felt like, so I thought... maybe if we were alone together, it might not be so bad," James explains, voice soft.
"It's creepy how you do that."
"Do what?" James asks, tone verging on alarmed.
"Read me so well," Regulus says. "I didn't realise I was so transparent."
"You aren't," James snorts. "Half the time, I have no idea what's going through that head of yours." He reaches up to gently poke Regulus' temple.
"It's a dead end."
"What?"
"Look," Regulus points his wand towards the blank wall in front of them. He is going to kill James if they've just walked this far for this long for nothing.
"Look up, Reg," James says through a laugh. Regulus squints at him before tilting his head up and finding a trapdoor above them.
"You aren't expecting me to climb through that, are you?"
"You can stay down here if you like," James shrugs, already pushing aside the trapdoor and hauling himself up through it. Regulus watches, a bit impressed, as James manages to fully lift himself through the ceiling. Merlin, he must be strong. Regulus isn't sure he will be able to do that.
As it turns out, Regulus doesn't have to worry about that. Instead, his main issue is embarrassing himself. James leans down through the hole in the ceiling, reaching his hands out for Regulus to grip. Regulus stares at them absently and then at James' face.
"Come on," James wiggles his fingers.
Regulus sighs.
"How do you expect me to climb, there's no step or anything," Regulus says, taking James' hands even as he complains. James doesn't answer him, but instead begins to drag him up. Regulus yelps as the floor drops from beneath his feet. James is just... lifting him through the ceiling.
Merlin, he really is strong.
Regulus clutches onto James' hands with a vice-like grip, afraid that if he lets go for even a second, he'll slip. He doesn't care about getting hurt, he cares about humiliating himself though. When he is almost fully through the trapdoor, James drops one of his hands, much to Regulus' distress, and deftly wraps an arm around his torso before pulling him completely out. Regulus glares at him when James lets go.
"We are never doing that again."
"Alright," James agrees easily. "You can try and lift me next time if you really want to, but you are quite small."
Regulus narrows his eyes at the idiot boy in front of him.
"Where are we anyway?" He snaps.
"Basement of Honeydukes."
"We're in Hogsmeade?" Regulus gapes at James. He nods. "How- How did you even find this place?"
"Remus... erm found it by accident," James responds. "Sirius would throw a fit if he knew I was showing you, but you're my friend and I thought it would be fun. Something to get you away from the tower for a night."
Regulus raises an eyebrow at him. "Thanks but my stash is full."
"We don't have to stay down here," James smirks. "There's a whole village up there." He points towards the ceiling. "We could go to the hill at the end of the village, if you want, and see the stars."
Regulus is surprised by James Potter once again. He sounds like he has really planned this trip out. When they are at the astronomy tower, they can only see one half of the sky, as the other side of the tower is made of stone where it is connected to the walls of Hogwarts. Regulus would love the opportunity to see the full sky of stars without the smog that pollutes the sky in London, hiding the stars from sight.
"Okay," he replies simply.
They are quiet as they sneak through Honeydukes and out to the main road where all of the shops are lined up, lights mostly off. The Three Broomsticks looks full of older Wizards and Witches. The lights from within the pub glow a bright orange that reflects on the cobblestone road and gives off the illusion that the floor is on fire.
It doesn't take them very long to stroll through the village and to the very end of it where a hill stands, a mountain in the distance almost like it's mocking the hill for being so small.
When they reach the top, James doesn't waste any time in making himself comfortable. He falls to the ground and spreads his arms and legs out like a starfish. He grins up at Regulus, who raises an amused eyebrow. James reaches up with one of his hands and gently brushes his fingertips against Regulus'. It's an invitation. So, Regulus slowly lowers himself to the ground, not lying down, but sitting with his legs crossed by James' head. James lifts himself up a bit, propping his elbows against the floor.
"The sky is so beautiful here," James says.
"At home, I can't really see the stars," Regulus whispers. It's dark and they are alone, so he feels like he should whisper. "Muggles have polluted the sky with their factories."
"I read something once that said Portkeys were actually one of the main contributors to global warming and global pollution. The way they tear through space and just the residual magic left behind in the atmosphere, it's the same as Muggles and their factories."
"Really?" Regulus tilts his head. James nods, grimacing a bit. "Well, I will never use a Portkey again then."
"Ever?"
"Ever," Regulus promises with a resolute nod.
"Then, I won't either," James agrees.
They both turn back to the sky and let the silence rest over them like a warm blanket. There's faint noises every now and then from the village, but Regulus doesn't mind. He likes this hill, he decides, and would like to come back to it at some point.
***
Friday - 19th April, 1974
Sirius
Sirius holds his baby sister in his arms for the last time before he has to return to Hogwarts. For the first time in a long time, he doesn't want to go back. Not yet. He wishes he could stay at home and watch as Dora slowly grows. He hadn't seen her for three months and in that time she grew more than he thought she would. She laughs quite a lot now and, as much as Andy joked about her being a difficult baby, she rarely throws tantrums.
The tuft of hair she first sported when she was born has grown a bit longer, curling on top of her head. It's black right now, the exact same colour as Sirius'. He wonders how she does that. Surely, babies aren't aware enough to notice colours, not this young anyway.
"Sirius, you'll miss the train if you don't go now," his dad is yelling from the floor above. "Come on, it's quarter to eleven."
"But I can't let her go," Sirius whines, pouting up at his mum who is standing beside him at the bottom of the stairs. Sirius had come down to say his goodbyes.
"Yes, you love your sister very much," Andy says before gently taking Dora from his grasp. Sirius frowns. "And she loves you, too, but you need to go." She nudges him towards the stairs and Sirius huffs.
"Fine," he rolls his eyes and leans in to briefly hug his mum and then kiss Dora's head. "See you in just over a month, little one."
His mum smiles adoringly down at him and Sirius memorises it before sprinting up the stairs to the living room, where his dad is waiting beside the fireplace with Sirius' school trunk. Sirius and Ted floo through to the platform together. Sirius hugs his dad before running over to the train, which has already begun to pull out of the station.
Sirius' trunk starts floating off to wherever the luggage is kept. He speedily walks through the aisle of the train, peering into compartments in search of his friends. There's a locked compartment that he comes across, the blind is drawn down over the window, blocking Sirius' view of the inside. He knocks cautiously, not wanting to discover a couple tangled up in each other, or something just as disgusting.
The door opens and all Sirius sees before he is dragged in by his tie is a flash of blonde hair. Sirius smirks.
"You know, if you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask, McKinnon."
"Gross," Marlene grumbles, sitting down on one of the seats and gesturing for Sirius to take the other. "Sirius."
"Marlene," Sirius mocks jokingly. His expression drops into one of seriousness when he notices the tenseness of Marlene's shoulders. "Everything alright, Marls?"
"I need to tell you something. Important. Right now. It's very important," Marlene says all in a rush and Sirius has to work to keep up. "It's- I have already told someone, technically. Gideon knows and well, I suppose that's alright. He was very nice about it. It happened over the Easter holidays. I just wanted to tell you because you're, like, my best friend." She is mumbling by the end of her confession and Sirius can't help but feel endeared by her.
"You can tell me anything, Marls. You know that."
Marlene takes in a deep breath. "I like someone."
"Alright," Sirius nods, immediately on board with this decision.
"Like a lot. I really, really like them. I've never liked someone like this before," Marlene confesses swiftly.
Sirius realises suddenly why Marlene is freaking out so much over a crush. I really, really like them. Them, not him.
A smile stretches across his face.
"What?"
"Are they a girl?" Sirius asks.
Marlene's cheeks flush crimson. "Uh... yes." She stares at Sirius with caution heavy in her eyes, like she is afraid he will judge her for her romantic choices or something. Honestly, if she's looking for judgement, she's come to the wrong place.
"Okay," Sirius smiles. It's so similar to the conversation they had out by the lake when Sirius was the one who was coming to terms with who he is. There's much more panic involved in this admittance, Sirius realises. Marlene isn't like him, ready to out herself to the world. She doesn't look disgusted by herself though, which Sirius knows is a good sign; she just looks scared.
"Okay?" Marlene echoes.
"Okay," Sirius shrugs. "Good for you and everything, I am ever so proud. But what were you expecting, a medal? Honey, you're not special." He flicks his hair over his shoulder. It's grown a lot this year and now brushes against his shoulder blades.
A fond smile slowly curls it's way up Marlene's lips and Sirius mentally congratulates himself for making her feel comfortable enough to share this piece of information with him. He loves Marlene, he really does, and he doesn't want her to ever feel terrible about certain parts of herself. She is amazing, every single bit of her, and he wants her to know that.
"So, who is she? Someone tall, I'm presuming, considering..." He gestures to Marlene's person as a whole and she gapes at him, offended.
"What's that supposed to mean? Also, says you! You're like the smallest guy on the planet."
"Rude!" Sirius crows. "Pete's smaller." They both burst into laughter and Marlene doesn't answer his earlier question until they've both calmed down.
"I don't really want you to know who, not yet. It's sort of... a new development. Just thought if I got it off my chest it might go away. I don't like her in general, but she's just so..." Marlene then proceeds to describe, in excruciating detail, how beautiful her crush is, and Sirius dutifully listens.
After dinner, Sirius slumps onto his bed, feeling a bit like he's drifting on a cloud. His mattress is much more comfortable at Hogwarts than it is at home. He is surprised when James drops onto the bed beside him, hanging an arm over Sirius and bringing him in close for a hug. Over the years, James has slowly grown more accustomed to dishing out affection, which Sirius is cheerful about. James is very good at giving hugs.
"Alright there?" Sirius asks with a half-hearted chuckle. James' glasses are a bit skewed on his face where he faceplanted into Sirius' pillow a moment ago. He gives Sirius a wan smile.
"Tired."
"What, did you and Remus have a party last night without the rest of us or something?"
James laughs and rolls over so that he is fully lying on his side. Sirius does the same, jostling James' arm a bit where it is still draped over him, but James doesn't move it away, just readjusts with Sirius so that his arm is now resting over Sirius' torso. He's glad James still feels comfortable enough to lie here with him like this after finding out Sirius' preferences for boys. Not that he has a crush on James. He never has and he doesn't think he ever will, James is like a brother to him.
Remus, on the other hand... Well, let's just say Sirius isn't sure Remus would feel so comfortable laying here like this with him if he were to hear how Sirius truly felt about him. He doesn't think Remus would ever be rude about it, he isn't mean. But he does think it would make him uncomfortable.
"No, but I was up late last night," James responds with a sigh. Sirius can't tell if it's one of satisfaction or exhaustion, but he guesses it's the latter.
"Nightmares again?" Sirius had hoped those would have stopped by now. He knows James has been struggling with them for ages, years before they ever met each other. It isn't fair. James is such a lovely person, caring and kind and generous. Not that anyone deserves to deal with traumatic nightmares such as James' (no, not even Snivellus or Black - Sirius does have a conscience, believe it or not), but if Sirius had to say who deserved them the least, he would probably say James.
"Sort of," James says. The skin between his eyebrows creases and Sirius reaches up to poke it with his index finger. James smiles at him and the creases disappear. "I dreamt of Harry again, but it wasn't a bad dream per say."
"Do you want to tell me about it?" Sirius whispers softly.
"I don't think so," James shakes his head gently. "I want to keep it between me and him. That probably sounds silly-"
"It doesn't," Sirius promises. "I think it sounds like the right idea. How about you tell me about your Easter instead. Has Remus already eaten all of the chocolate his parents sent him?"
"Yes, he made his way through that in two days."
Sirius starts to laugh.
"It was a bit worrying, honestly," James continues on, eyes wide, which only makes Sirius laugh harder. "I thought he might throw up."
"Did he?" Sirius manages through his laughter.
"No. He asked if we could go down to the kitchens and get a hot chocolate right after," James says, much to Sirius' amusement. "The moon wasn't too difficult for him this month, I don't think. He didn't get any new scars and he only had to stay in the infirmary until the following afternoon."
"That's good," Sirius responds, no longer laughing. He leans in closer to James until their foreheads are almost touching, and whispers, "Did you and Lily get the dew?"
James nods and his nose accidentally knocks against Sirius', which has them both laughing again. "Yeah, we did. It was a bit tricky because I think we stumbled across an acromantula cluster. Lily almost fell off her broom."
"There are acromantula in this Forbidden Forest?"
"Apparently. Bloody scary, if you ask me. The only thing that got Lily going again was when I told her they could climb trees and so if they spotted her, they would probably be able to reach her, no problem."
"Can't blame her," Sirius mumbles with a shiver. "I hate spiders."
"Spiders are fine," James says, "acromantula are not."
They continue to talk for a little while about their Easters and Sirius tells James all about Dora. James begs to meet her sometime soon and, of course, Sirius agrees, explaining that his parents would love to have James over again. James tells him how Lily instructed they meet on Wednesday during her and Remus' Arithmancy lesson. Lily has apparently already gotten that lesson's work prior, so she can "do it in the library". At least, that's what she told her teacher, according to James. Really, it's so she can sneak off with James, Sirius and Peter and go through their Animagi plans once again.
When they eventually get up and start getting ready for bed, Sirius watches Remus intently, searching for any signs that his friend might be in pain after the full moon just over a week ago. Maybe James just didn't notice. However, as Remus walks around the dorm with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, idly unpacking his uniform for Monday, he doesn't flinch once. So, Sirius assumes James was right and it was a good moon after all.
Frank is the one to light the candle in the middle of the room tonight. He smiles as he says good night to everyone, before tucking himself away behind his curtains. Peter is the next in bed, followed shortly by Remus, who mumbles a good night to the room before promptly passing out.
Sirius lays down in bed and James follows him. They don't mention it because James knows Sirius doesn't mind, and Sirius knows James feels embarrassed when the subject is brought up. Sirius understands that sometimes James just needs someone close to him when he feels like it is going to be a bad night, and Sirius takes comfort in knowing that James trusts him enough to make him feel safe when he is afraid. Sirius lifts his duvet up and James crawls into the bed, far enough away that they aren't touching, as if he thinks the contact would bother Sirius.
Sirius throws an arm over James and whispers, "Good night, James," before closing his eyes and falling asleep to the quiet drum of James' heart.
Tuesday - 23rd April, 1974
Sirius reaches the greenhouses for Herbology before anyone else does. McGonagall sent him ahead of the end of the lesson with a note for Professor Sprout. When he steps into greenhouse three, he discovers it is empty spare for one student standing in the back. Sirius would recognise that bright, white hair anywhere. He leaves the note on Sprout's desk and moves over to the back of the greenhouse where Pandora Rosier is standing in front of Sprout's collection of Venomous Tentacula.
"Hello, Sirius," Pandora says, not even looking at him.
"Hi, Pandora," Sirius responds with a kind smile that she probably can't see. Still. Sirius is always nice to Pandora, everyone is. She's the embodiment of an angel and anyone who ever dares to be rude to her will surely be sent straight to hell, no question about it.
"You're a good swimmer, aren't you, Sirius?" Pandora asks suddenly.
"Yes, I've been swimming all my life," Sirius replies. "Why do you ask?"
Pandora frowns and tilts her head, still regarding the Tentaculas in front of her. She glances briefly and Sirius. "They aren't very fond of water. You should tell them not to be afraid. They don't believe me because I can't swim."
"The... plants?" Sirius asks.
"Yes," Pandora turns to him fully. "They're afraid of the water. You're a very good swimmer, so I can't imagine you're scared of the water." Sirius shakes his head, which for some reason makes Pandora grin. "I knew it. You're a very brave Gryffindor, Sirius."
Sirius preens under the compliment, smiling back. "Oh, thanks."
"In my opinion, I think you're the most Gryffindor Gryffindor of them all, even more so than Godric himself. You would do anything to protect those you love because you're selfless like that."
Sirius has no idea where all of this is coming from. He's sort of been friends with Pandora since first year, but they've still barely spoken to each other. Nowhere near as deeply as this conversation. Idle chatter between acquaintances more like. Sirius doesn't get the chance to respond before Pandora is walking away. Sirius turns and discovers the rest of the students have begun to fill the greenhouse now. He makes his way over to his shared desk with Xeno and Lily. They have been grouped together all year.
Sprout instructs them to finish their investigation of Bubotubers. Their research is due in the next lesson. So, Lily gets moving and brings over the Bubotuber they have been carefully examining for the last few weeks before Easter came. As usual, Lily is the one who does the investigating, whilst Sirius takes notes. Xeno lends a hand every now and then, whenever he is needed, but mostly contributes to the lesson by speaking about the most peculiar things. Lily and Sirius don't mind, enjoying the distraction from how boring Bubotubers are. They find nothing they haven't already discovered about the plant in past lessons, so they end up spending half of the lesson listening to Xeno as he explains the history behind Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem.
Sirius is admittedly interested in the legend. The whole jealous daughter stealing her mother's diadem, hoping it would give her wisdom just as her mother had it. Only to get chased by the man in love with her, in hopes of bringing her home to her sick mother. Helena, Rowena Ravenclaw's daughter, had refused to return home to say goodbye to her dying mother and this angered the Baron in love with her, so he killed her and then himself because of his own guilt and grief.
"In the end, she returned to Hogwarts," Xeno explains. "She is now the ghost of Ravenclaw house, and the Baron who killed her is the ghost of the Slytherin house."
"The Bloody Baron was in love with Rowena Ravenclaw's daughter ?" Lily gapes at him.
"Yes," Xeno nods solemnly. "The diadem was lost. Rumours say it is somewhere hidden in a forest in Albania, but I think it found it's way home." Xeno glances at Sirius briefly before returning his gaze to Lily. "It's sad... Helena never got to say goodbye to her mother. Jealousy is a cruel thing. People view it as selfish, but I don't think that it is. It's heart-breaking, wishing to be or to have something that you are not. Not being content with who you are. Very sad."
"I agree with you there," Lily says. "My sister, she's a Muggle. She has always been jealous of me for being a Witch. When I was younger, I felt terrible about it because I wanted it to be something we could share. I wanted to hand her half of my magic, but that isn't how it works. Over the years, she's gotten meaner and I guess I've grown out of my sadness about the whole thing. Now, I'm a bit mad at her for it."
"Another emotion people consider selfish when it isn't," Xeno nods. "It is understandable, Lily Evans. However, if I had a sibling who didn't share my magic, I would tell them how magical I think they are without it."
Sirius doesn't listen to Lily's response, instead thinking about his younger cousins. Miriam has shown signs of magic and will probably end up going to Hogwarts, but Elliot hasn't. Not yet. Sirius still holds out hope for his youngest cousin. However, if he never does show any magical potential, will he too one day grow bitter towards his sister? Maybe towards Sirius, too?
After Herbology, it's break time, and Sirius and Lily spend the entire fifteen minutes recalling the legend about the lost diadem of Ravenclaw to their friends. Next, Sirius has Defence, which goes very slowly because Professor Shauna has them doing textbook work for the entire hour.
When Sirius gets to Potions, Violetta is already sitting in her usual seat. Sirius no longer sighs when he sees her, not since the lesson when she showed up late, wrist covered in bruises. He wonders what happened to her. If someone did that to her, and if they did then who was it? He knows she is friends with Mulciber and his lot, which immediately is a terrible sign. Sirius hates the idea of Violetta having been hurt by her own friends.
Her head is bent low and Sirius notices she is looking at something on her wrist, exactly where she had bruises last time.
When he approaches the table, he stands in front of his chair and puts his bag away, pretends he isn't looking in her direction as she pulls down her sleeve and buttons it up. Then, before sitting down, he turns to her.
"Who?" He asks, voice a gentle hum. He places one of his hands on the back of her stool and the other on the table in front of her so that he is hovering over her.
"Well, hello to you, too." Violetta rolls her eyes. "Personal space much?"
Sirius huffs and sits down in his chair, removing the hand on the back of her chair, but still leaning close enough to her that if he whispers only she will be able to hear him. "Who keeps hurting you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Violetta responds with her usual beaming smile, but she avoids his eyes.
"Please, I won't tell anyone." As if to prove his point, Sirius glances around the room to make sure no one is listening to their quiet conversation. No one is looking in their direction, so he assumes no one has heard anything. "If you don't tell me, I'll just follow you around until I figure it out myself."
Violetta tuts. "He doesn't hurt me, not on purpose," she mumbles, glaring at Sirius in a very Slytherin-esque fashion.
"Who?"
She sighs, glances around the classroom, and then shifts closer to Sirius. "My parents have promised me to... Amycus. Sometimes, if I do things he doesn't want me to do, he drags me away to tell me to stop. But that's it, I swear. He just... has a harsh grip is all."
Sirius feels his teeth clench together. He doesn't know why he cares so much. He and Violetta aren't friends. He doesn't think he even wants to be her friend. She's annoying and so is her friend Shania. They're always spreading rumours about everyone, most of the time those rumours aren't even true. But that doesn't mean she deserves this. Sirius already hated Amycus and his lot before, but now? If they are really going to start hurting their own friends, then he really overestimated them all. Also, it's just... If Violetta is really going to have to marry this guy someday and he's already hurting her "by accident" what could that mean for her future?
"You should stop being friends with that lot."
"You don't even know them," Violetta snaps.
"Well, I thought they might at least be loyal to their own," he eyes her up and down, "but apparently I was wrong about that. So, no, I'm pretty sure I have some sort of idea about them." At the look of blatant frustration on Violetta's face, Sirius softens a bit. "You know, if you'd like you can always..." Is he really about to invite a Slytherin over to the Gryffindor table? Yes, he is, because she needs help. He has the ability to help her, so he will. Will it end well? We'll see. "If you want to, I mean, you can come sit at the Gryffindor table. My friends are all very lovely and won't tell you to shove off."
Violetta's expression drops into one of pure shock. "I'd get mauled over there."
"No, you wouldn't," Sirius chuckles because he can't help it. "I know there's that whole rivalry thing going on between our houses, but I don't care. My mum was a Slytherin and look at me."
Violetta eyes him sceptically. "I don't trust you."
"I don't trust you either," Sirius says simply, shrugging.
"I couldn't leave Shania." Violetta glances across the room at where her Slytherin friend Shania Murton is working with a Ravenclaw girl and a Hufflepuff girl, the only group of three in the classroom. "She hates Gryffindors, she wouldn't want to come with me."
"It's up to you anyway," Sirius responds. "You don't have to, of course, but if you ever decide you've had enough," he smiles kindly, "come on over."
Violetta is silent for a moment, staring down at the table, biting her lip. Then, she looks up at Sirius with a small smile. "Thank you."
Wednesday - 24th April, 1974
Sirius has never laughed so hard in his life. He watches as Regulus Black falls flat on his face and feels tears spring to his eyes. He wipes them away, clutching at his stomach because it's cramping where he's laughing too much. Peter is in the same boat as him, hunching over the table and guffawing at the display in front of them.
Last night, the Marauders spent hours charming the floors of the castle into an ice rink. Sirius is very good at ice skating, so he transfigured his shoes into ice skates for the day, whilst Remus, James and Peter made it to the Great Hall through a lot of trial and error. Meaning, Sirius cast a very heavy wind-blowing spell on the three of them and sent them careening down corridors, only sometimes knocking them into walls or suits of armour, until they eventually made it to breakfast.
Lily and Mary had the same idea as Sirius and are apparently both proficient ice skaters because they are also equipped with skates. Marlene, Azalia, Alice and Frank are not wearing ice skates and slip a lot as they walk, but they don't appear to be angry about the prank. Marlene keeps voicing her hopes that the professors will cancel lessons for the day. Sirius doubts this will happen. As long as students are able to get to their classes (whether by walking or sliding and crashing) they shall go on.
Anyway, back to Black. Barty and Evan both bend over to lift him off the floor. The three of them send a glare the Marauders' way. James, much to Sirius' amusement, grins and waves at them. Dorcas is the only one in their group who is wearing ice skates. Stark and Pandora have their arms linked and move in slow steps, careful not to faceplant the ground like Black did.
The funniest part of the morning, even better than Black falling on his face, is when Dumbledore comes shooting through the door, ice skates adorning his feet. He moves gracefully towards the staff table and does a little twirl and jump to get up the steps.
The Prewett twins and Edwin come floating through the doorway like a trio of ghosts and land easily in their seats. Sirius asks them how they learnt to hover people, since he's tried it on Peter before and Wingardium Leviosa does not work on humans. They then spend most of breakfast learning the spell off Gideon and Fabian, who congratulate them on the prank.
"You lot just had to make this journey as difficult as possible, didn't you?" Lily tuts as she enters the maze of bookshelves. The boys had even managed to turn this room into an ice rink last night, which means Sirius and Lily have to ice skate their way to the centre, whilst Peter and James trip over themselves the entire time. They didn't do it to Godric's room, not seeing the point to as they are the only students who know about it.
Sirius and Lily transfigure their skates back into shoes and they are soon making their way through the tunnel that leads to The Three Broomsticks. When they arrive there, they check on the ingredients and find they are still perfectly hidden beneath the flagstone in the ground.
"Alright, we've definitely collected all of the ingredients," Lily says, careful to be quiet when speaking. "The first step is to keep a Mandrake leaf in our mouths for an entire month, so I think we should do it over the summer. That way, Remus won't become too suspicious and we won't have to hide it from any of the teachers."
"I've found a semi-permanent sticking charm that we can use to keep the leaf to the roof of our mouths," Sirius explains once Lily's finished speaking. "That way, it will be less likely that it'll fall out or that we'll swallow it in our sleep or something."
"Great. So, maybe we should put the leaves in our mouths on the last day of term because we can't use magic out of school," Lily says. James, Peter and Sirius all agree with her. It's official, they've finally reached this stage. They're going to become Animagi. They are going to be able to help Remus. Because that's all it is for Sirius. He's doing this because he thinks it will help Remus, that's the only reason he came up with the idea. Yes, it's quite cool, and if they manage it... Well, Sirius will be proud of himself and his friends. But nothing will ever compare to helping make the full moons easier for Remus. That's all Sirius wants in the end. For Remus to be happy.
Saturday - 27th April, 1974
Sirius is having a bad day.
He thinks it might have something to do with missing Dora and his parents. That mixed with the voice in his head that keeps reminding him that even though he is Dora's older brother, she might not see him that way when she grows up. What if when she discovers where Sirius really came from, she starts to hate him? What if she tells him he isn't her big brother? He's an imposter in her family.
It's stupid and the thing is... he knows it's stupid, but he's having a bad day. So, naturally, he is on the verge of a mental breakdown. For some reason, his coping mechanism is to hide himself away from the rest of the world, just like he had back home during the Christmas holidays when he first found out the truth. Easter was easier because he had Dora to distract him from all of those thoughts. Instead, his mind was full of a wolfish protectiveness over her.
He woke up feeling terrible. Got dressed feeling terrible. Left the dormitory before any of the other boys, still feeling terrible. He didn't go to breakfast. He didn't go to the lake, Marlene would find him there. So, he went somewhere he thought no one would think to look. The alcove in the third-floor corridor. It's only a few feet away from the passage to Honeydukes, but Sirius didn't want to hide in there. He thinks the darkness would consume him there, and he doesn't want that.
It's technically James' turn to have the map, but Sirius took it from the boy's bedside table, where it had been left open all night. If they aren't careful, Frank will find out about it, and it's supposed to be their secret.
He unfolds the map now and watches idly as students start to fill the corridors. It's still sort of early. Sirius has been sat here for a couple of hours now. None of the boys have left the dormitory yet. According to the map, Frank and Peter are in the bathroom, probably getting ready for the day. James is in his bed, though Sirius doubts he is asleep. Remus...
Remus moves from his own bed and walks across the room to Sirius' bed. The little footprints tagged Remus Lupin stay there for a good couple of minutes before they move over to James, who gets out of his bed now and moves over to the side of it. Sirius assumes he is checking his bedside table, probably only now realising he no longer has the map. Remus and James stand there for a minute and then Remus' name is moving towards the door.
Sirius watches as Remus goes down into the common room and finds Azalia and Lily sitting on one of the couches. He wonders what he could be saying to them. It's another couple of minutes before Remus is darting across the common room and towards the portrait. Sirius, confused, follows Remus' name with his eyes. He isn't sure where he's going until he gets there, and then Remus is standing outside the Ravenclaw common room.
Some Ravenclaw called Jessop Ramone lets Remus in and then he's rushing towards the middle of the common room where Xeno, Benji and Astro are sitting on the floor.
Sirius has no idea what's going on there. He looks back over to the Gryffindor common room, where Frank has now joined Azalia and Lily. Peter and James are on their way down the moving staircases, probably on their way to breakfast. He glances at the Great Hall and finds it full. Black and his lot are sat at the Slytherin table, not too far away from Violetta. Sirius notices she is sitting between Amycus Carrow and Rupert Wilkes. He rolls his eyes, putting the map away.
He stays hidden in the alcove for another two hours, not caring about how his arse is slowly growing numb. Ignoring the way his stomach grumbles. He ties his hair up so that it's out of his face, feeling suffocated by it when it falls against his neck. He doesn't look at the map again, keeping it stuffed away in his pocket. He wishes he'd brought Ayers with him to keep him company.
It's another hour before he is found. The small amount of light flooding the alcove is drowned out by shadows. He frowns and turns his head to look up at his intruder.
Remus is standing in the entrance to the alcove, light shining from behind him, circling him like he's some sort of angel or deity. He's panting like he's been running a marathon or something. Sirius takes in his friend's appearance finally and notices his hands are shaking slightly.
"Hey," Sirius mumbles and then returns his gaze to the opposite wall.
"Hey ? I'm sorry, fucking hey ?" Sirius' head snaps back in the direction of where Remus is still standing because Remus sounds angry. Did Sirius do something? At Sirius' puzzled expression, Remus huffs. "I have been searching this entire fucking castle for you for three hours, Sirius."
"Oh," is all he can say.
"I thought something might have happened... no one knew where you were... Xeno said... Were you here the whole time?" Remus isn't making much sense, cutting off halfway through all his sentences.
"Yes."
"Are you alright?" His voice is softer now, it draws Sirius in. Remus steps into the alcove, letting the light shine in again. He sits down on the floor, leaving enough room between the two of them that makes Sirius wants to move closer to him.
"M'fine," he shrugs.
"Sirius."
Sirius stares at the ground, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. He can feel Remus' eyes on him and it feels both amazing and horrible because he knows Remus doesn't look at him in the way Sirius wishes he would.
"Just a bad day."
Remus hums understandingly and then shuffles a bit closer. He holds out his hand and Sirius stares at it blankly. He looks up at Remus and blinks. Remus smiles gently. "May I?"
Sirius frowns, not understanding. Not until Remus reaches forward and untangles one of Sirius' hands from his shirt. He intertwines their fingers together and Sirius has to work to calm his heartbeat. Even through the storm of shit swirling around in his head, there's room enough inside of him to feel excited about this.
"If you want to talk about it, I'll listen," Remus says. Sirius looks away from him because he doesn't want to talk about it. Not at all. Then, a hand cups his jaw and Sirius is suddenly staring into Remus' eyes again. They're so brown, so big. Big, brown, doe eyes, he thinks with an internally, bitter laugh.
"But," Remus continues, his voice low and thoughtful, "if you don't want to talk about it, we can just sit here. I'll stay with you. Don't isolate yourself from me, please." He sounds so sincere, so profound that Sirius almost convinces himself Remus could feel the same way.
"Stay with me," he whispers.
Remus just nods and then, with the hand still resting against Sirius' cheek, he brings Sirius into his chest and let's him hide there. Sirius breathes and he let's himself settle. Remus smells like rain, which is odd because it's been weeks since it rained. He also smells a bit like the library, like old books that have been cared for for centuries. Sirius buries his face in Remus' woolly jumper and he breathes and he thinks, this is what it is to be completely at peace.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Myrtle's back!!
-I love that Regulus doesn't like Lily because he thinks her crush on James is annoying. This hypocritical little man. Also, Reg, get with the program - she doesn't like your husband anymore!!
-Hagrid adoring Regulus is just so cute. like. ugh. ☹
-Some of Scarlett's backstory is coming out - yes, she is a Patil. Even though she's an OC, in this she will technically one day be Padma and Parvati's second cousin :)
-Regulus casually searching for his "cousins" and one of them is in front of him (Sirius). Oh, and he's also his brother. And they hate each other... Yeah. 👍
-Scarlett's gaydar is flashing again! If Regulus had one, his gaydar would be flashing too 😏
-Barty is in his slut era <3
-Regulus touching James' glasses should not have made me giggle as much as I did.
-James and Regulus' friendship is so important to me in this fic. They're just two boys who need each other to feel less alone in the world, and that's so beautiful :(
-Marlene and Sirius' friendship <3 Also! Gideon being like an older brother to Marlene <3
-The prongsfoot in this chapter is so cute 😭
-I love how everyone understands that Pandora is a precious angel and so everyone is nice to her <3
-If you can't tell, I'm really trying to show that not all Slytherins are bad. Violetta isn't a terrible person, she's just surrounded by horrible people. I actually can't wait to show her character development. Also, sorry, Violetta, for putting you with Amycus 3
-The Wolfstar. Just. Ahhhhh. I want Remus to have his bisexual epiphany right now. But at the same time, Remus has suffered in so many other fics, liking Sirius for YEARS before Sirius realises it, so now it's payback time. Now, Sirius is pining and Remus is the oblivious idiot.Hey guys! Thank you so much for all of the support on the last chapter, it's so fun to read your comments. We've hit 18,000 hits - that's actually crazy!! Thank you so much for all the love and support! I'll see you next week <3
Chapter 42: Third Year: Love Is Love
Summary:
Last Quidditch match of the year.
Regulus and James say goodbye to each other.
James takes a step.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention of an arranged marriage that isn't wanted
-a character falls from a high height (no injuries)
-migraines
-brief mention of scars (from child abuse)
-mention of a murdered child (Harry)
-brief mention of blood, nothing explicit
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love is old,
Love is new,
Love is all,
Love is you.
~ The Beatles
Saturday - 27th April, 1974
Remus
Remus holds Sirius in his arms not for the first time, but it feels more significant than it has in the past. Sirius is shaking like a leaf, he'd seemed so absent when Remus first arrived, but that hadn't stopped him from openly accepting Remus' comfort. They haven't moved. Sirius is still tucked away under Remus' arm. Their hands are still linked, and Sirius hasn't stopped shaking.
He isn't sure if Sirius has eaten yet today, but it's nearly lunchtime now. Remus had plans to spend the day studying with Lily in the library today. He hopes she hasn't been waiting for him all day. He ran into her in the common room a few hours ago when he was searching for Sirius. There was worry in her expression when he announced he had no idea where Sirius was, which was odd. Lily is the kindest person he's ever met, but she isn't very fond of Sirius. There was that one time when she kissed him on the cheek, but that was because he threw her a birthday party.
During his search, he'd ended up at Ravenclaw Tower, thinking that Sirius might be there with Xeno. A bit weird of him not to wait for Peter, so they could go together because Peter usually begins his day by visiting Benji. Still, Remus thought he might have just gotten an early start.
A fifth-year Ravenclaw student allowed him entry when he got there, and Remus had immediately paled at the sight of Xeno, Benji and Astro - no Sirius in sight. It hadn't taken very long for Xeno to notice him, it was almost as if he'd been waiting for Remus to show up in a panic.
"Sirius needs you, Remus," Xeno had said once Remus finished rambling about his anxiety over Sirius' whereabouts. He may have been exaggerating a bit, but Sirius never left the dormitory before the rest of them. Especially on weekends, Sirius loves to have a lie-in. And Remus is the only person who knows he's been struggling ever since Christmas. So, yes, he has been worrying about Sirius quite a bit for the past few months. So, what? He may be dramatic, but at least he cares.
Remus had blanched at this statement. "Is he alright?"
Xeno shook his head. "Sirius needs you to see. You should go find him now."
Remus had no idea what Xeno was going on about, but he didn't wait around to find out. He'd spent three hours scouring almost every single floor of the castle, from the seventh to the third, where he eventually found Sirius huddled away by himself.
The wolf inside of Remus growled indignantly at the sight of Sirius - his Sirius - looking so small and afraid. Remus has never felt such a sudden burst of protection for anyone in his whole life. It was like the wolf - Moony, Sirius called it - had crawled out of whatever pit it hid inside of during every other night that isn't a full moon, and it took control of Remus for a moment. It wanted to bite whatever hurt Sirius, tear it apart. The anger that coursed through him then spilled out and, he hadn't meant to but he aimed it at Sirius. That was until he saw him shivering. Then, the possessive protectiveness knocked in again and Remus offered himself up to Sirius like a man kneeling at God's alter.
Sirius is not okay, that much is fucking clear. He wouldn't tell Remus what caused his sudden "bad day", as he'd called it, but it wasn't difficult to guess. Only last week, Sirius was at home and that must have been difficult for him during the bad days.
Remus rests his cheek on Sirius' head, hoping the contact will stop him from shivering so violently. He doesn't think Sirius even realises he's doing it. Sirius' hair tickles his nose and Remus can't help but smile at the familiar scent that he associates with Sirius: leather, the salty sea, and books. As much as Sirius would argue against it, Remus knows for a fact that Sirius Tonks is a swot. He's always reading when no one's looking, eager to gain more knowledge about the world in any way that he can.
"Moony," Sirius croaks.
Remus lifts his head and Sirius does the same, staring up at him with wide eyes full of susceptibility. Remus has always been fascinated by the colour of Sirius' eyes, some days they appear more blue, whilst others they look silvery-grey.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry."
"Don't apologise," Remus says softly, reaching forward to tuck a strand of Sirius' hair behind his ear. "I'm sorry you're having a bad day."
"Don't be. You've already made it better," Sirius whispers.
"Oh," is all Remus can say. Sirius looks so sad, so Remus can't really help what he does next. If anyone asks, he'll blame it on the wolf and it's strange attachment to Sirius. Using the hand still gently resting against Sirius' head, Remus tilts the boy's head down slightly before leaning forward and pressing a tender kiss to the expanse of skin between Sirius' eyebrows.
When he pulls away, he's breathless and Sirius is just staring at him with confused eyes. Remus smiles gently and gestures with a head tilt towards the corridor. "Let's go eat something, yeah?"
Sirius opens his mouth as if to say something but then decides against it and just nods. He stands first, followed by Remus, and then they make their way to the Great Hall for some lunch.
When they get there, Lily is sitting with James. The two of them look to be having a serious conversation, but the moment they notice Sirius and Remus approaching, they stop speaking.
"Hey, you found him," James grins. "You alright, Sirius?"
"Yeah, just went for a walk," Sirius lies with a pretty convincing smile. He and Remus sit down opposite James and Lily. Remus starts filling a plate for Sirius and then slides it along the table to him when he's done. "Thanks, Moons."
Remus smiles at him.
"Sorry I missed you in the library," Remus grimaces, turning to Lily. She shakes her head and waves her hand through the air.
"It's alright. If you still want to do some studying, James and I were going to head to the library after lunch," Lily suggests.
"Yeah, I really need to work on History of Magic," Remus responds. He nudges Sirius. "Want to come?"
"Sure," Sirius mumbles. He's slowly nibbling at a sandwich, not really paying attention to the conversation at hand. Remus frowns, worried.
"Final Quidditch match of the year on Saturday," James speaks up, probably sensing the tension in the air. "I'm not panicking."
"I'm sure you'll do great, James," Lily says, offering him a kind smile. "You always do."
"Thanks, Lils, but my talent is not what I am worried about," James grins, winking at her. He sighs, taking on a more serious demeanour. "Slytherin have been playing very well this year. I mean, have you seen Rosier? He's an animal on the pitch. Suppose the loss last year really inspired the lot of them. Don't even get me started on Regulus. I'm pretty sure he's caught the Snitch in every single game he's played."
Lily and Remus share a subtle look. This tends to happen now whenever James mentions Regulus. They are about eighty percent sure James and Regulus are friends and meet up at night, so to avoid their other friends.
"You're going to crush them, James," Sirius says rather passionately. "And, on the small chance that you don't, the Prewetts will probably throw a party anyway."
Lily groans. "Another party? How many do you guys need?"
"An abundance of them," Sirius replies seriously. James nods in agreement. Lily turns to Remus, apparently asking for backup, but Remus just shrugs and takes a sip of his pumpkin juice.
"Right, come on, let's go study," Lily says, rolling her eyes. "If you guys plan on killing your few remaining braincells next weekend with alcohol, we'd better get all the use out of them whilst they're still intact."
Wednesday - 1st May, 1974
In every other lesson, they've finished learning new content and have begun preparing for exams that are in less than a week. However, for some reason, they are still learning new things in Arithmancy, which has both Remus and Lily quite worried. It leaves them with little exam preparation time in this subject. They are getting taught about Bibliomancy today, which their professor has informed them will come up on their written exam.
Remus and Lily sit together, she's been skipping a lot of the lessons recently, saying she would prefer to do the work in the library. Their professor, a reverist who doesn't pay much attention to his surroundings most of the time, never seems to mind and always gives Lily permission.
Today, they are instructed to pick a random book off the bookshelf in the corner of the room. It's as tall as the high ceilings of the castle and made of ancient wood that their professor once told them was collected from the Forbidden Forest itself. Remus picks a tome about different mystical creatures and heads back to his shared desk with Lily, who has chosen a book on how wands are made.
Bibliomancy can be done in two different ways. The first is by placing the spine of any random book on a surface and letting it fall open to a random page. You ask the book a question and then, with your eyes closed, drop your finger on the page. Whichever passage your finger has landed on contains your answer. The second is by using an apparatus that contains three different slides. You slide each part around to reveal a number and the first number is the page number, the second is the paragraph number on that page, and the third is the sentence number.
They are testing out the second method today, as they already trialled the first the previous week.
Lily goes first, receiving the numbers 119, 4, and 2.
"Alright, let's see," she mumbles as she turns to the correct page. "Did Professor Goodkind say we need to ask it a question first?"
"No, according to the textbook, we're supposed to write down the sentence we get and try and match it up to something going on in our life," Remus explains.
"Okay. Found it," Lily exclaims excitedly, finger pointing against the paper. "This wood is designed to withstand violent trials performed against it, and is just as sufficient at protecting it's beloved owner."
"How does wood relate to your everyday life then, Lily?" Remus asks with a small chuckle.
"I suppose it means the wood is strong and defensive. It could have something to do with me, I guess, though I disagree with the strong part." She hums to herself and closes the book once she's finished jotting down the sentence and her ideas.
"You are strong, Lily, don't even start." Remus rolls his eyes. "Alright, I guess it's my go then."
He spins the apparatus and gets the numbers 178, 1, 3. The page he turns to has the chapter heading written at the top: Werewolves. Remus feels himself pale and does his very best not to look at Lily, who he knows is watching him. They don't talk about his lycanthropy really at all because Lily knows how much Remus hates it. Still, this is sort of his fault for picking up a book about mystical creatures. Idiot.
Remus clears his throat. "Um, Werewolves are known to run in packs, the average pack containing five to ten; it is also commonly understood that Werewolf packs do not generally have to consist of just Werewolves, but may include other species of magical creatures." He turns to Lily once he's copied it down and finds her staring at the book with shock. "I know, a bit coincidental wasn't it?" He chuckles bitterly and Lily looks up to meet his eyes before releasing a small, winded laugh of her own.
"Yeah. Any idea what it could mean?" She questions, fingers fiddling with the worn leather spine of her own book.
"Uh, maybe I'll make an animal friend or something? Or if I'm looking more deeply into this, I guess it could represent my best friends. It says between five and ten, right? Well, there's you, Sirius, James, Pete, Frank, Mary, Marlene, Azalia, Alice, and then myself. That's ten."
"Yeah, it's probably that," Lily nods in agreement. "Okay, my turn again."
They go through all of their page numbers, sharing suggestions behind the symbolism with each other. It doesn't take them very long to get through it all. They are the first pair finished and so they get to sit back and ignore their work for the last fifteen minutes of the lesson. Lily starts talking to him about this new song she learnt on her guitar last week. Come Together by The Beatles, a song Remus has heard multiple times. Sirius has the record for it and usually let's it play multiple times a week at the highest possible volume.
"You should show Sirius, he loves that song," Remus suggests. Lily then proceeds to go on a rant about other songs by The Beatles, over the moon by the fact that Remus knows who they are. Of course, he knows who they are, he doesn't live under a rock.
"It could have something to do with your name-"
"Yeah, Barty's right. Oh, don't let that get to your head. I'm sure it doesn't mean a Gryffindor, Regulus. Your name literally means heart of the lion, right?"
"Yes, but it says loved by. I don't think that's figurative, Evan."
"Macdonald is pretty hot-"
"Bartemius, she's Alice's friend. Shut up-"
"What? It's true! Oh, come on, Ev. Don't tell me you're a prude-"
"Remus!" Lily's voice makes him jump. He'd forgotten they were speaking for a minute there, too busy listening into the conversation happening at the table in front of them between Regulus Black, Barty Crouch, and Evan Rosier.
"Sorry," Remus winces. He shuffles across his chair and Lily seems to pick up on it because in the next second, she is also moving closer to him. "Apparently, Black is going to fall in love with a Gryffindor. According to the Bibliomancy."
Lily's eyes widen as she subtly glances at Regulus and then at the table.
"What?" Remus asks.
"Nothing," Lily is quick to say. Remus frowns at her. "It's nothing, really. Just a hunch. I can't tell you because it wouldn't be fair, but um, just forget about it for now, yeah?"
"Okay," Remus replies, suspicious. He eyes Lily up and down. "You don't-"
Lily rolls her eyes. "Not me."
"Oh, good," Remus sighs. He thinks if Lily had a crush on Regulus Black, he would have to leave the school, lest he die from Sirius' dramatic reaction. Merlin, Sirius would probably burn the school down if he found out one of his friends was crushing on his worst enemy. Also, isn't Regulus engaged. Remus voices this.
"It's an arranged marriage, Remus, who knows what will happen?" Lily responds. "I mean," she leans forward, dropping her voice to a whisper, "when do Black and Stark ever really act like a couple? They just look like friends to me." She shrugs.
"I wouldn't know, I don't really pay attention to their lot," Remus says.
Lily blushes. "Me neither, but Pandora is friends with them and she's my friend. She just tells me things sometimes."
"What sort of things?"
"Things I promised not to tell anyone, so stop asking me," Lily whispers cheekily. Remus sighs. "Sorry, but I am a loyal friend."
"Bit too loyal sometimes."
"No such thing," Lily grins.
Saturday - 4th May, 1974
On the morning of Peter's fourteenth birthday, the dormitory is a whirlwind of action. Sirius is singing loudly whilst showering Peter with gifts. Peter, who hasn't stopped blushing since Sirius' attention was on him loudly, is sitting on his bed, surrounded by gifts and ripped wrapping paper, a paper Birthday crown on his head put there by James. Speaking of, James and Frank are frantically trying to locate one of Frank's Quidditch gloves because the final match of the year is in an hour and they still haven't had breakfast yet.
Remus, who feels dead on his feet thanks to the full moon being in two days, hasn't really left his bed. He did briefly to give Peter his present, but then he crawled back under his blankets and he hasn't moved since. Sirius keeps sending him worried glances whenever Peter isn't paying attention.
Remus can't believe the moon is on the night of their first exam. Then, the next day, he has to hope he's healed enough to make it to his afternoon exam.
"I FOUND IT!" James yells, making Remus flinch at the noise. He pops up from under Sirius' bed, Frank's lost Quidditch glove in hand. Frank rushes over to him and lifts James off his feet as he hugs him and spins him around.
"How on earth did it get there?" Frank asks, putting James down. James helps to tie it onto Frank's hand.
"Probably got lost in the sea of dirty clothes Sirius leaves all over the floor," James replies, fondly rolling his eyes as Sirius shrieks indignantly.
"They aren't dirty!" Sirius argues, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Sirius, please, stop shouting," Remus calls from his bed. He flings his arm over his eyes and listens as the four other boys in the room all work to move around quietly. The bed sinks a bit on his right, indicating someone's sat down beside him. He doesn't have to look to know who it is.
"Would you like me to get you a pain potion from the infirmary?" James asks, reaching forward to remove Remus' arm and then gently resting the back of his own hand against Remus' forehead like he's checking his temperature. He frowns in a way so reminiscent to Poppy, it's an effort not to laugh.
"Might have to," Remus grumbles, sitting up a bit on the bed. "I don't want to miss the last game of the year. You and Frank have been working really hard."
"You know, we won't mind if you can't make it, Moony," James promises with a kind smile. "We'd much rather you feel better."
"I know," Remus nods because he does know. His friends are so selfless, always putting each other before themselves, especially James. "I want to go. I'll get Sirius to get the pain potion from Poppy, that way you won't get scolded by Darius for missing his pep-talk."
"Good point," James chuckles. "Come on, get dressed, we're leaving in five minutes."
Once Remus is dressed - which takes him longer than five minutes because he's got a crick in his shoulder that hurts whenever he lifts his arm, the boys wait for him patiently - they head down to the common room and meet the girls, who are all waiting by the portrait. Today, Mary and Alice aren't the only ones who got all dressed up in red and gold. Lily, Marlene and Azalia are decked from head-to-toe in Gryffindor team colours. Lily's red hair is up in two pigtails, each with a red or a gold ribbon tied into it. She's wearing James' Quidditch jumper, which Remus assumes James leant to her.
"Morning, Remus. Are you alright?" Lily asks as she moves over to his side. Sirius is standing on his other side, acting like a bodyguard and snapping whenever anyone gets too close to Remus.
"Yeah, just got to head to the infirmary with Sirius for a pain potion. Headache," he explains and Lily nods understandingly before announcing she will go with them. So, whilst the other seven Gryffindor third years head down to the Great Hall for breakfast, Lily, Sirius and Remus make their way towards the infirmary.
When they arrive, Remus opens the door and almost walks straight into Dorcas. She jumps out of the way at the last minute, looking mutinous until she realises who it is. Her frustrated expression melts into a smile.
"Hi, Moo. What are you doing here?"
"Pain potion. Got a headache," Remus explains. "Why are you here?"
"Picking up a Draught of Peace," Dorcas replies just as Poppy comes into view with a vial of light purple-pink liquid. She passes it to Dorcas who grins and thanks her.
"What do you need one of those for?" Sirius asks.
"Evan. He's really nervous about the match," Dorcas says, already moving towards the door. "Anyway, see you later. Bye, Moo."
"Bye, Dork."
"Remus, darling, what are you doing here?" Poppy turns to him and rest a palm against his cheek.
"Got a headache, was wondering if I could nick a pain potion?" He smiles at her sheepishly. They are the same height now. Remus has grown a lot this year, he's already taller than his mam.
"Of course, I'll be right back." Poppy bustles over to the potions cabinet in the opposite corner of the infirmary. Remus, Sirius and Lily wait to the side of the door.
"Do you think you'll be alright for the party later?" Sirius asks quietly, careful not to let Poppy hear him.
"Hopefully," Remus mumbles in response. "If not, I'll just stay in the dorm and have a nap or something."
"Nonsense," Sirius waves him off. "If you're not going, I'm not either."
"But it's Pete's birthday," Remus argues.
"Yes, and he will be preoccupied with Benji as soon as the Ravenclaws arrive."
"Don't you want to go to the party?"
Sirius' lips curl up tenderly. "Not if you aren't there."
Lily clears her throat and the two boys turn to her. She's staring at the both of them with a raised eyebrow and a smirk hidden in the corner of her mouth. Remus' eyebrows furrow as he stares down at Lily with a nonplussed expression. He turns to look at Sirius who has visibly paled, his blue eyes are wide and staring at Lily. He shakes his head and Lily just nods.
What did Remus miss?
He doesn't get the chance to ask because Poppy is on her way back. She hands Remus the small bottle and he drinks it down quickly, coughing at it's bitterness. Poppy hands him a glass of water, which she summons from thin air. He thanks her before downing it.
"Well, you best be off now if you don't want to miss your friends' Quidditch match," Poppy orders, already pushing the three of them in the direction of the double doors.
By the time they make it down to the Quidditch pitch and then up the stands, the game has already started. They find Peter and the girls, along with Benji and Kingsley. Peter informs them that Gryffindor are already twenty points ahead, but Slytherin have scored once. Remus' headache feels somewhat subdued now, not completely gone, but silenced for a bit. He turns his attention over to the game and watches as James and Frank, along with the third Gryffindor Chaser Bracia, whiz around the pitch like fireworks. Remus may not like Quidditch, but he has to admit that it is fascinating watching James fly. He's very good at it and moves like the broom is an extension of his body.
Gideon and Fabian are on fire today, blasting Bludgers away from their players with their Beaters' bats.
Remus' eyes settle on Rosier, curious to see how he's holding up under the Draught of Peace Dorcas brought him. She must have made it in time because Evan flies like he's been promised world peace if he wins. He shoots across the pitch almost as fast as James, narrowly avoiding Bludgers, and zipping around other players. It helps that he has Barty Crouch protecting him from Bludgers. Whenever one gets within a couple of metres of Evan, Barty slams it away with force. The other Slytherin Beater, Remus can't remember their name, focuses on guarding the other two Slytherin Chasers from Bludgers, apparently having clocked that Barty's priority this game is Evan.
It's a good strategy, Remus thinks, since Evan is clearly the most skilled Chaser on the team, even better than the Captain. So, he is probably the most targeted.
Regulus and Darius, the two Seekers, are floating above the game, both leisurely flying around in circles. Every now and then, Regulus' focus is snatched by some of the commotion below, usually Evan or James, since those two are the main scorers of the game today.
"Crouch Junior sends a Bludger Potter's way and- oh ! Almost hit him there, but Gideon Prewett beautifully intercepted before disaster!" Edwin announces from the commentator's stand. "Potter scores! Gryffindor is leading Slytherin ninety to sixty. Rosier, one of Slytherin's Chasers, has got possession of the Quaffle! Wow, folks, did we see that? Fantastic display of the Starfish and Stick movement! We haven't seen that one on the pitch for a while!"
Remus watches as Evan hauls himself back up on his broom, where only a couple of seconds ago he had been hanging from his broom by one foot and one hand. It isn't long before he scores, flying past Barty and high fiving him as they fly past each other.
"Is that- Oh, Merlin! Regulus Black has spotted the Snitch," Edwin proclaims and the entire Gryffindor quarter of the stands falls silent as they all watch with bated breath. The Slytherin stands scream cheerfully, making Remus wince a bit. "Darius FLY!" Edwin yells.
Remus watches as Darius soars below Regulus, they're both moving at the same speed, but Darius' arm is longer. He also has the upper hand of being able to drop if the Snitch flies lower, whilst Regulus does not. The Snitch could fly higher, giving Regulus an advantage, but it's very sunny out today and so Remus doesn't think he'll be able to spot it without being blinded first.
Around them, the game still goes on. Evan scores again and it's shortly followed by Frank scoring. Remus watches as Regulus, much to the crowd's shock, jumps up onto his feet, balancing dangerously on his broom. He hops precariously to the end of his moving broom and full-on jumps into the open air, hand wrapping around the Snitch. But now he's falling.
Remus' heart plummets at the same time Regulus does.
"Slytherin wins the 1974 Quidditch Cup!" Edwins announces bleakly. Remus isn't paying attention, his eyes glued on the boy falling through the air.
There's a shot of red through the air and Remus has to blink before he can fully comprehend what he's seeing. James is shooting through the air faster than Remus has ever seen him fly in his life, wand trained on Regulus, who begins to slow in the air, but he's still falling. James, face scrunched into a determined grimace, flies beneath the boy and catches him on his broom.
From what Remus can see, Regulus scowls at James before ordering him to return him to the ground. James just laughs, eyes still heavy with concern, and flies them both to the floor. Regulus jumps off the broom as soon as possible and is quickly joined by Evan and Barty, who rush over to him worriedly.
"Come on, let's go," Sirius says grimly.
The Gryffindors all start to vacate the stands, each and every one of them grimacing at the results. When they get to the pitch, James is standing with his parents, who are both hugging him and congratulating him even though he didn't win. James smiles bashfully at them. A few feet away, Darius McKinnon is sobbing into his girlfriend's shoulder. This was his last game ever at Hogwarts before he graduates and he lost.
"I should probably go see if he's alright," Marlene speaks before separating from the group and wandering off towards her brother.
Remus, Sirius, Lily, Peter and Benji make their way over to where the three Potters are huddled together. Not too far away, Regulus is surrounded by his own friends, who are all loudly praising him for his win. Evan is sobbing, probably happy tears because they won.
"You're not going to win them all, Jameson," Sirius says as they approach them. He throws his arms over James' shoulder. "But you played bloody marvellously."
"Thank you, Siriustopher," James replies with a solemn nod.
"Who was that boy you saved?" Effie asks, turning to her son once she's greeted the rest of them.
"Regulus Black," James says. Effie's proud expression drops into one of confusion. She glances at Sirius as if to check that James had been correct in what he said. Sirius rolls his eyes.
"Yes, Black," he grimaces. "Good catch, I guess. Would've been so disappointing if he grass-stained his kit. Sure his mummy would love that."
"Sirius," James scolds quietly. "Don't be mean."
"I'm not," Sirius shrugs. He turns to Effie and Monty. "Are you staying for lunch?"
They explain they asked McGonagall beforehand if they could use her office to catch up with James and the rest of them in private, rather than in the hall full of students. Remus thinks this is a good idea considering the Great Hall will likely be filled with celebrating Slytherins. The Gryffindor table would be a very cheerless place to be right now.
They let James go off to have a shower and get changed out of his kit before making their way up to the castle. As the Potters said, McGonagall's office is empty when they arrive. Sirius stretches out across one of the couches like a cat under the sun, but is soon moved by Peter, who knocks Sirius' legs onto the floor. Sirius huffs but doesn't seem to mind as Peter, Benji and Remus fill up the couch beside him. James sits with his parents on the couch opposite, and they all spend the rest of the morning and the beginning of the afternoon drinking tea, talking about what's been happening over the last month here at Hogwarts, and making their way through McGonagall's biscuit supply.
Peter is surprised when James' parents hand him a birthday present. As far as Remus knows, Peter has never been to James' house before, unless you count the Christmas Eve parties over the last couple of years. So, he isn't particularly close to Effie and Monty.
By the time McGonagall returns to claim back her office, it's almost time for dinner. The boys leave, each receiving a hug from Effie and Monty, much to Benji's shock. Together, they go down to dinner, leaving James' parents behind with McGonagall.
By the time they return to Gryffindor Tower, which isn't until gone eight o'clock, the party planned by the twins is in full-swing. Fabian and Gideon both toss an arm over Peter's shoulders, who gapes up at the twins with adoration. Benji laughs and asks the rest of them if he should be jealous before following his boyfriend.
Remus' head is pounding again, the pain potion having worn off hours ago now. Sirius takes notice of this, and reaches out to slide his hand into Remus'.
"Remus and I are going to chill out in the dorm for a bit," he announces to the rest of the group before tugging Remus in the direction of the dormitories.
"You can go and enjoy the party if you want," Remus says as he makes his way over to his bed. He takes off his shirt and replaces it with a woolly jumper before changing into his pyjama bottoms. He slides under the covers of his bed and sighs as he sinks into the soft mattress. Sirius walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, peering down at him with a smile.
"What and leave you all alone?" He chuckles as he lays himself back against the headboard, pulling his legs up onto the bed. They rest against Remus' through the cover. "Don't be silly."
"I'm not going to be very entertaining," Remus argues. It's not that he doesn't want Sirius to stay, he's actually very grateful for the company. But he knows how much Sirius loves the Gryffindor parties. Plus, it's Peter's birthday and Sirius is his best friend. He might get upset if Sirius doesn't at least show up to the party.
"That's alright," Sirius whispers, running his fingertips delicately against Remus' forehead. It doesn't soothe the pain but it feels nice. It distracts him, which helps. He smiles and leans into Sirius' touch. "I can be entertaining enough for the both of us."
Remus hums in response as his eyes drift slowly shut. Sirius continues to speak in soft tones, telling Remus about the time he once spotted a blue whale near the coast of Cornwall. Remus dozes off soon after, dreaming about a boy befriending a whale.
Monday - 6th May, 1974
Remus leaves his Herbology practical exam feeling confident. They were tested on how they would handle a Bubotuber safely were it to spew it's pus everywhere, as Bubotuber pus can be dangerous at the best of times. Luckily, Remus did not leave with painful boils all over his hands, nor did anyone else as far as he could see. They had their written Herbology exam in the morning, which went as well as it could have done. Remus finds Herbology painfully boring but overall an easy subject to pass.
Once the exam is over, he heads to the library with Lily, James and Peter, who all want to get last-minute History of Magic revision in before the examination tomorrow afternoon. James and Peter are also cramming for their Muggle Studies exam, which is tomorrow morning. Sirius is nowhere to be seen, but Remus knows he doesn't spend a whole lot of time in the library anyway, preferring to study in places like the common room or their dormitory. Or he just won't study at all, which baffles Remus considering Sirius always gets the highest scores in the class.
Afterwards, they make their way to the kitchens to grab dinner, since Peter is half-asleep and Remus will have to head to the infirmary soon anyway. He is praying with everything in him that this full moon will be one of the easier ones. If he ends up ripping up his face again, he might not make it to his afternoon exam tomorrow.
The house-elves whip up a pot roast for them to enjoy and Lily comments that it reminds her of Autumn. Remus voices that he can't wait for Autumn to arrive. He doesn't mind the summer, but it's always more difficult during full moons with the shack becoming far too stuffy. The wolf hates it when the nights are too hot, always trying to claw it's way out of the shack, but always getting stopped by the wards.
When it is time to go to the infirmary, Lily and James walk him there, whilst Peter heads back to Gryffindor Tower. He's been yawning all evening and is clearly in desperate need of a nap.
Poppy immediately directs him back out the door when he arrives, saying they should get a move on. James and Lily wish him good luck before wandering away together. It doesn't take long for Remus and Poppy to get to the shack. As always, McGonagall meets them at the whomping willow, opening up the passageway by hitting the knot on the root of the tree once Poppy has used a freezing spell on the manic branches. They hurry through the tunnel beneath the tree and make it to the shack in no time. It's still just under an hour until the moon is at it's apogee, but Remus doesn't mind being here early. It's much better than miscalculating and accidentally arriving too late, not that he knows what that's like. He's always been on time.
Remus is left alone but not until Poppy presses a reassuring kiss to his forehead. She assures him she will be back early tomorrow morning and he nods, believing her, because she always makes it back to him bright and early after a moon.
Remus paces the shack, feeling the wolf as it begins to emerge from the pit inside of him. He hides his wand in a box and then places the box under a loose floorboard so that he won't accidentally break it when he's in his wolf form.
He watches through the cracks of the boarded up window as the moon steadily rises, turning the sky dark-blue and then black. The last thing Remus sees before the wolf demands control of his body for the night is the first blink of Sirius' star, smiling warmly down at him from above.
The moon goes well in the end, much to Remus' immense relief. Moony sits by the window for most of the night, stargazing much like Remus had been before he lost dominion over his own body.
Saturday - 25th May, 1974
Remus passes all of the exams, even History of Magic. Once they've received their results - Sirius got the highest, of course, receiving full marks in Defence, Transfiguration and Charms - they head out to the lake and lounge beneath the sun, soaking up it's rich goodness. Remus lies between Sirius and James, who lays next to Peter, followed by Frank and then the girls. They all came right here right after leaving McGonagall's office.
"You should come visit this summer," Remus murmurs, nudging Sirius with the back of his hand. He tilts his head in the grass and finds Sirius already watching him.
"Really?"
"Yes, well, you've never been 'round my house before. My mam's been asking for you to visit for ages. I think you're her favourite, you know," Remus replies with a smirk. A leaf falls from the tree above them, falling to the small stretch of grass between their faces. Sirius plucks it up off the ground and starts to spin it around his fingers.
"I'd love to see where you live," Sirius says, staring up at Remus with shy eyes. Sirius Tonks is never shy. Remus smiles, bemused.
"You can finally meet my other friends," Remus grins. "Oh, Cara is going to be so happy someone who knows some Welsh is finally coming. She adored James but was a bit annoyed he couldn't understand some of the things she was saying."
"You speak in Welsh with your friends at home?"
"Sometimes," Remus hums. "Most of the time, we speak in English. Don't worry, I'll make sure they don't insult you or anything. Not that they would, they're all lovely. Well, actually, Cara is a bit of a menace. But she's actually really sweet, you just have to get to know her. She's-"
"Remus!" Sirius giggles, reaching up to cover Remus' mouth with the palm of his hand. "I get it, your friends are great. I can't wait to meet them."
Remus' lips tug up into a grin, pressing against Sirius' hand.
"Attention, everyone!" Mary calls and they all turn to look at her. She's standing above the lot of them, who are all sprawled out on the grass. "Since it's our last week until the holidays, I think we should play a game. We all did very well the past couple of weeks- hell, the past year, we deserve to burn off some steam."
"What do you recommend, Macdonald?" Sirius asks, smirking as he props himself up on his elbows.
"Hide and seek? We've got a whole castle and the grounds, the biggest playground in the world."
"It'll take us hours to find anyone," Alice complains, slumping back on the grass where she was previously sitting up.
"Okay, fine, we'll stick to the grounds then," Mary compromises. "So, anyone for it, or will Tonks and I be playing by ourselves?"
They all look at each other, eyebrows are raised and smiles are shared. Then, James turns to Mary and announces, "Come on then. Who's counting?" Mary volunteers, proclaiming she'll count to one-hundred so they all have enough time to get out of sight. The Marauders all share a look, and in that second a silent agreement exists between them - they won't use the map. It's James' turn with it anyway, and Remus can't imagine James cheating in that way.
Mary sits down facing the ancient oak tree at the edge of the lake. They cast a silencing charm around her, so they can all hear her but she can't hear the direction of their footsteps. As she begins to count, they all high-tail it in different directions. Lily and Frank both end up somewhere near Hagrid's, James rushes off in the direction of the castle, Marlene and Peter look like they're going to hide at the edge of the forest, whilst Alice and Azalia head towards the greenhouses. Remus isn't sure where he's going, he just starts running. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches as Sirius, ever-dramatic Sirius Tonks, runs out onto the dock leading out towards the lake and then, to Remus' shock, dives into the lake.
With wide eyes, Remus runs after him, not allowing himself to second guess it as he, too, jumps into the lake, causing a huge splash that Mary shouldn't be able to hear if the silencing spell worked.
Remus is surprised to discover the lake isn't so dark beneath the surface. It is bloody cold though. Fucking hell. He is instantly faced with a bewildered Sirius, who is floating beside him. He's holding himself perfectly in the water, moving like it's as easy as existing on the surface. Remus points to the small gap of air above them but beneath the dock, so hopefully Mary won't spot them.
"What did you follow me for?" Sirius chuckles, swiping his soaking wet hair back out of his face.
Remus sputters a bit, finding it difficult to keep himself afloat. The lake is very deep beneath them, so he is unable to just walk along the bed of the lake. Noticing this, Sirius reaches forward to hold onto Remus' waist, steadying him. Remus takes the opportunity and holds onto Sirius' shoulders.
"Didn't know where to go," Remus pants. "Also, didn't want you to get eaten by the squid."
"What and you thought jumping in to save me was the best option?" Sirius is fully laughing at him now. Remus huffs out a laugh, too, only now realising how ridiculous his impulse had been now that Sirius has explained it out loud. "Though valiant, that was very stupid, Moony."
Remus blows the drop of water hanging off his nose and watches as it jumps away. "I am a Gryffindor."
"You're ridiculous," Sirius grins.
"Someone very smart once told me all the best people are," Remus responds smoothly, watching as Sirius' cheeks flush pink at the compliment.
***
Friday - 31st May, 1974
James
On the last evening of their third year, the Marauders sit together at the Gryffindor table, surrounded by friends and talking excitedly about what the next year could hold for them. James is sitting between Sirius and Marlene, laughing at their retelling of a scene between Professor Shauna and Professor Sinistra that took place in the corridor earlier. They make plans for the summer and laugh when Peter chuckles too hard and his pumpkin juice squirts out of his nose.
Dumbledore wishes the seventh years good luck for the future ahead and then the feast appears and they all tuck in ravenously. Mary, who has plans to visit James over the summer, tells him all about the Muggle game called bowling. It sounds dangerous but Mary swears it's safe, so James dutifully listens as she explains the logistics behind it.
When the sky above them fades from bright blue to purple and finally to black, the stars twinkle above them. It's almost time for their final night of the year to begin. James glances at Sirius, Remus and Peter - a signal. With a single nod, they all subtly turn their wands under the table, a final prank.
There's a crack from somewhere above, the sound of wards breaking open and vanishing. With another swish of their wands, the stars in the sky start to plummet to the ground, sparkling as they fall. James grins up at the ceiling, watching as stars fall past students all around the hall. It's a beautiful sight, a stunning thing to witness. The heavens fall down on top of them, glittering and shining.
James looks over at the Slytherin table, eyes drawn directly to where Regulus is sitting with his friends. Regulus' eyes are wide with wonder, pools that perfectly reflect the astronomical rainstorm whirling around him. A satisfying thump-thump pulses inside his chest at the sight of Regulus' lips curling up into an astonished smile. It's small, only existing in the little dimple beside his mouth, but James knows him well enough by now to see the admiration sparkling in his eyes.
The prank had been James' idea. A way to bring the stars to Regulus, not that he told his friends this. Still, they all thought it was a great idea.
Regulus' eyes meet his across the hall and James gestures around the place with his eyes. Regulus' jaw clenches in the way it does when he's trying his best not to smile at something stupid James has done. He shakes his head lightly before turning back to his friends.
Stars are still falling around them but James pays them no attention, too busy staring at the brightest star in the room.
The Gryffindor boys have plans for how they are going to spend their last night at Hogwarts before the summer. Even Frank is joining in this year, instead of wandering off to spend his final evening with Alice. All James can say is it involves fireworks.
Their plans are, however, disrupted when, as soon as they step into their dormitory, they all fall towards the... ceiling? They land in a pile on the wooden floorboards, which for some reason are on the ceiling. James is the first to gather a sense of their surroundings. He glances around and discovers everything in their dormitory has been flipped upside down, like the gravity's been tampered with. Sirius is the next up, grabbing onto Remus' arm to steady himself. Apparently the wonky gravity situation is messing with his sense of balance.
"What's going on?" Peter asks, accepting the hand Frank is offering him.
"Why are our beds on the ceiling? Why are we on the ceiling?" Sirius whines, stroppy as he stomps over to his upside down bed in the corner of the room.
James grins as he realises what's happened. "The snakes finally got us back for the dungeons prank."
"Excellent," Sirius sighs. "How are we supposed to get our trunks out the door without them falling on our faces?"
"Maybe it will all be reversed by the morning?" Remus suggests.
"Yes, but surely as soon as whatever gravity spell they've cast on the room vanishes, we'll fall on the floor... along with all our stuff," Peter says. They all stare cautiously at the heavy objects around them.
"They got the bathroom, too," Frank mentions from where he's standing in the doorway of their shared bathroom. "Anyone want to risk flooding the bathroom by testing out the shower?"
They all remain silent, so James sighs and volunteers himself for this task. Predictably, as soon as the water starts spurting out of the shower, it changes direction and heads towards the floor, well the ceiling- the floor. Just. Not where it's supposed to go. It then bounces off the ceiling/floor because of the gravity spell and splashes over James' hair. He turns the showerhead off and then heads back into the dormitory, looking like a drowned mop.
"Guess no one's showering tonight then," Remus mumbles before falling face-down on his bed.
"I guess not," Frank mumbles. "Are we not using the fireworks tonight, boys?"
Sirius rises from his bed like he's been summoned, an incredulous expression on his face. He stares at Frank and Frank gulps. "Just because the window is a little higher than usual-"
"It's halfway up the ceiling," Peter comments and Sirius ignores him.
"-doesn't mean we can't reach it."
"We could test out the hover charm Fab and Gid taught us," James suggests, hope sparks in his chest.
"Exactly," Sirius says, pointing to James dramatically. "Come on, who wants to be the first test subject?" He whips out his wand and grins manically at the four other boys. Remus rolls over on his bed so that he's now lying on his back and says, "Sure. Just try not to shoot me through the ceiling."
Remus, thankfully, does not end up through the ceiling. The five of them float like ghosts, gripping the window sill with their fingers. James can't help but laugh at how silly they all look. Sirius is in the centre of the group, wand in one hand and firework in the other.
"Ready for our great send-off, boys?" He asks the group. They all giggle and urge Sirius to light the firework. He does and James watches as it sparks erratically before shooting from Sirius' hand and corkscrewing through the air in a similar fashion to some of the moves James has seen Regulus use during Quidditch matches. The firework explodes amongst the stars; bright and bold; a lion roars down at them. It's upside down to them, but it still looks wicked. The sky looks like it's on the ground and James wishes he could jump into the sea of stars.
James doesn't let himself worry about the chance of a Prefect or McGonagall coming to scold them for the loud display. Instead, he helps Sirius light another one and watches eagerly as lions fill the sky.
Once James is certain his roommates are asleep, he sneaks over to the side of the room where the door is standing. It's too far up the wall for him to jump to, so he uses the hover charm he learnt earlier this evening and crawls up the wall like some human spider combination. Quietly, he pulls the door open and flies out of it. It's a bit strange going from having gravity pull you one way, to it then tugging you another way. Gently, he drops himself onto the ground, managing to not land on his head. He untucks the cloak from his pyjama bottoms and makes sure the common room is empty.
Tomorrow morning, they will all be on the train home. James hasn't really got any plans for the summer. Mary is coming to visit him sometime in late July, but other than that James has nothing to look forward to, and even that is almost two months away. He has no idea how he is going to busy himself during the first half of the summer.
As usual, it doesn't take him very long to arrive at the astronomy tower. He can tell by the way Regulus' head whips in the direction of the door as soon as James enters it that the boy did not expect him to show up tonight, even though James said he would when they were here yesterday. He wouldn't just leave Regulus out here alone.
"You're here?" Regulus questions, brow quirking upwards. James sits down beside him and smirks.
"Of course, I am. I said I would be. What? Did you think I wouldn't find a way out of my dorm because someone flipped everything upside down? You underestimate me, Reg."
Regulus glances at him once more before shrugging and returning his gaze to the sky. "That thing you did with the stars in the Great Hall... it was really beautiful."
James feels his heart swell at the compliment. He doesn't point out the fact that there were three other people involved, knowing Regulus wouldn't appreciate James' subtle mention of Sirius. Instead, he thanks him and then proceeds to express his praise for the prank Regulus and his friends pulled on his dormitory. Regulus informs him that the spell will be reversed by the time morning falls upon them, and he doesn't need to worry about falling from the ceiling because apparently everything will right itself.
Silence settle between them like a warm blanket, holding them in this moment. The stars twinkle like they're winking at the two of them.
James hums. "I used to think the stars were airholes for humans made by giants."
Regulus turns to him with a bemused expression. "Airholes?"
"Yes and I thought they glowed because the giants were shining a torch through the airholes so that we wouldn't be afraid of the dark. They were nice giants."
"Giants aren't very nice in real life," Regulus comments. "How old were you when you thought that?"
James flushes and looks at the ground.
Regulus chuckles now. "How old were you?"
"Ten," James presses his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. When Regulus doesn't say anything, James emerges from his hiding place and peers over his fingertips at the other boy. Regulus is watching him with an oddly warm expression. "What?"
"Nothing," Regulus shakes his head. "You sound like you were a very endearing child."
"I liked to make up stories that made all of the scary things a bit less frightening," James muses, thinking back on himself from four years ago. He was so small and yet, he'd already suffered so much. Not as much as Regulus, if his back full of scars is anything to go by. Still. Neither of them should have had to go through any of that, at such a young age or ever.
"Me too," Regulus admits, twisting a ring on his finger. James has noticed it before but he's barely looked at it in the past, almost as if it was purposefully avoiding his attention before. When he examines it now, he gets the sense he's seen it before. "It's why learning occlumency at such a young age was useful. It helped me build up make-believe things in my mind that felt real."
"I can't believe you taught yourself occlumency and legilimency," James smiles. "That's, like, impossible."
Regulus shrugs self-consciously. "I'm a natural occlumens and legilimens, I think. It would have been much more difficult, probably impossible for me to learn it at such a young age, if I hadn't been."
"Could you teach me?"
"Occlumency and legilimency?" At Regulus' question, James nods eagerly. Regulus bites the inside of his cheek. "I'm not sure. It can be quite... intrusive and you're- you've got past trauma. Not that I'm calling you vulnerable. It might just be harder for you to learn it."
"That isn't a no," James says, hopeful. Regulus regards him carefully; James can't help the way his body rocks left and then right with excitement, his head tilting as he grins persuasively.
Regulus sighs. "Alright, fine. Next year, we can give it a go, but if it doesn't work by... Easter-"
"Then, I'll forget about it," James promises with an impatient nod.
"You have to swear you won't try and get me to keep teaching you, though. It will be dangerous." Regulus' stare is hard and stern, reminding James frighteningly of that time when he met Regulus' mother.
"I swear, I won't." James frowns and Regulus sends him a curious glance. "I wish I had something to swear on, like how you have your star. When you swear on your star, I know I can trust whatever it is you're telling me is the truth."
"You could swear on the moon," Regulus suggests.
James shakes his head. No. He doesn't like that idea at all. The moon is a bad omen in his books. It's what causes Remus so much pain every month. He would rather swear on the dirt than swear on the moon.
"How about the sun then?"
"Why the sun?" James asks.
"I don't know, it's bright and warm..." Regulus' cheeks turn faintly pink and James almost misses it because of how dark it is out here. "Just like you."
"Alright then," James nods decisively. "I swear it on the sun that I won't force you to teach me occlumency and or legilimency unless we are both comfortable with it."
"Okay," Regulus replies quietly. He starts fiddling with his ring again, spinning it on his finger. James watches the movement avidly.
"Where did you get your ring?"
Regulus stops playing with the ring on his finger and glances down at it. "You can see it?"
"Uh, yeah?" James tilts his head to the side again, a baffled smile spreads across his lips. "Should I not be able to?"
"No, I put a notice-me-not on it," Regulus explains, removing the ring from his finger and letting it sit in his palm. He pulls his wand out and starts tapping it against the ring, probably casting another notice-me-not charm on there. "Can you see it now?"
"Yes," James responds, confused as well.
"Hmm, strange," Regulus says, sliding the ring back on his finger. "My father gifted it to me. Well, he gifted me the stone, actually, for my twelfth birthday. It's a rare stone called an Ombud-"
"Oh, I've seen one of those before!" James exclaims suddenly, catching Regulus off guard if his stunned expression is anything to go by. "Sirius has one."
"Tonks has an Ombud? But he's a Half-Blood... isn't he?" Regulus asks cautiously and James understands. This subject is a bit touchy for them, it's the reason their friendship ended almost three years ago now, before they found each other again. Regulus had made an off-handed comment about Sirius' lack of knowledge about the magical world because of his blood status and Sirius had immediately cornered him about it. James still feels guilty about allowing that to happen to this day. Regulus has proved to him dozens of times that blood status doesn't matter to him, he's even said it. And James believes him because he's his friend.
"Yeah, he is," James replies softly to show Regulus that it is okay to bring up this topic. He doesn't need to be wary. "It was sent to him on his twelfth birthday, too, by an anonymous sender. To this day, he doesn't know exactly who sent it to him. Probably some long, lost family member or something."
"Oh," Regulus mumbles. "Well, I turned mine into a ring because that way I can keep it close to me at all times. I didn't want anyone to notice it, hence the charm, because they are so rare nowadays. I've never noticed Tonks wearing his?"
It's a question, so James answers it. "Yeah, he turned it into a necklace and gave it to Remus a couple of summers ago."
Regulus' eyebrows rise to his hairline at this. "He gave it to Remus?"
"Yes?"
"That's strange," Regulus murmurs.
"Why is it strange?"
"Well, usually you gift them to people you're going to marry. Some families used to consider it as official as an engagement ring," Regulus explains, fumbling with his ring again like he's nervous.
"Oh," James says, then he laughs. "Well, they're best friends, but they obviously aren't going to get married or anything."
Except, James' mind snags on something Sirius said months ago. It was at James' birthday party, the night he and Regulus officially became friends. Lily had come to check on him and Sirius as they were both drunk out of their minds and had found their way onto the floor of the common room. Sirius had grabbed Lily by the shoulders and declared that he liked boys, which James was sure Lily already knew. Sirius had told her weeks ago at one of the other parties they had, the night Lily fell asleep in Sirius' bed.
But then Sirius had said something that surprised James, even in his drunken stupor.
I like boys, Lily.
Especially, one of them.
James hasn't thought about it since. To be honest, he'd sort of forgotten about it. He wonders if Lily has thought about it at all since that night. She had been totally sober, so she wouldn't have had any problems with remembering the conversation.
James recalls what Regulus just told him: usually you gift them to people you're going to marry.
Was Sirius aware of this before he offered it to Remus? Surely not. Even if he wasn't, that speaks volumes.
Sirius likes a boy.
Could that boy be Remus?
James shakes the thought away. He's being ridiculous. Just because Sirius might like someone, doesn't mean he's suddenly crushing on one of his best friends.
"James?" Regulus' voice pulls James out of his spiralling thoughts. He turns to him with a polite smile and waits for him to keep talking. "What's your favourite colour today?"
James thinks about this. His favourite colour changes every day, it always has done since he was little. Some days it will be red, others it will be yellow, or green, or pink, or blue. He hasn't really thought about it for a long time. It used to feel like such a grand decision, back when his life was less busy.
He thinks about the golden-yellow lion fireworks from earlier this evening and grins.
"Yellow."
"Yellow?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"Yep. I guess our favourite colours are the same today. Unless yours has changed?"
Regulus gives him a look. "I'm not as indecisive as you- in fact, I'm not sure anyone is. So, yes, mine is still yellow."
"Like the stars," James whispers.
"And the sun," Regulus replies softly.
When they mutually decide it's time for them to head back to their dormitories, they stand up and slowly make their way towards the door. Regulus always goes first and James always waits five minutes before he leaves himself. Enough time, he thinks, for him to get out the map and his invisibility cloak from where he stores them away, so Regulus doesn't see them.
They reach the door and they stand their, facing each other. It isn't awkward but there's something standing in the space between them, something unsaid by both of them.
"Promise me you'll be safe," James whispers. Panic surges within him and it's so sudden, it almost knocks him off his feet. It isn't conscious, but he takes a step forward towards Regulus.
"I will, I promise. I swear it on my star," Regulus replies, looking James right in the eye. "You can't write to me. She won't... You just can't, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, I know it isn't your fault." James is surprised to find the hint of anger in his voice. Not directed at Regulus, of course, but at his mother. That terribly frightening woman.
Regulus takes a tentative step towards James and he almost thinks he's imagined it at first. "You'll be okay? I mean, back at home. You'll be fine, James. Try not to scare yourself with the past."
"I'll be okay," James promises gently. He steps forward again until Regulus is standing right in front of him. Their shoes knock into each other abruptly but Regulus doesn't bounce back. James meets his eyes. "Can I touch you?"
Regulus studies him curiously, like he can't believe James asks. He always asks, whether it's through the wiggle of his fingers, a pause before contact, or even by verbally checking if it's okay. He nods. "Yes."
Before he can allow the overwhelming excitement in his stomach to bubble over at the blatant acceptance, James wraps his arms around his shoulders. Tentatively, like he isn't sure how to do this, Regulus reaches up to hug James back. His arms snake around James' torso and his face is buried in James' shoulder, so reminiscent of how they did this a year ago. They haven't hugged since then, since their first hug when Regulus was Polyjuiced to look like Sirius.
It feels nice.
James rests his chin on top of Regulus' head and closes his eyes. Regulus smells like amber and candle wax, warm scents that James didn't expect to find clinging to the Slytherin's skin. It's comforting, like a chilly Autumn evening spent huddled under half a dozen blankets and adorned in one of Moony's woolly jumpers. A hot chocolate not too far away and a book settled in his lap.
Regulus smells like something warm woven with something cold. A chilly Autumn evening.
It's vulnerable, but James can't stop himself from whispering, "I'll miss you, Reg."
Regulus inhales slowly and then, much to James' disbelief, echoes, "I... think I'll miss you, too, Potter."
And James laughs.
Saturday - 1st June, 1974
It's easy for James, Sirius and Peter to sneak away to meet up with Lily that morning. Remus packed his things away last night before they all went to bed and is spending the morning resting in bed. It's only three days until the full moon and so he has a splitting headache and has asked that no one wake him up until they have to catch the train back to London.
They meet Lily in an abandoned classroom on the sixth floor. Lily went to collect the Mandrake leaves from The Three Broomsticks with Peter the previous morning because they knew they wouldn't have enough time to go and retrieve them today before needing to catch the train. She hands each of them a leaf and Sirius shows them the sticking charm he learnt from a book in the library.
Once they've all successfully stuck their leaves to the roofs of their mouths, they adjourn from the dusty classroom that looks like it hasn't been looked after for centuries and head down to breakfast. This will be their first official test at seeing how difficult it is to keep the leaves in their mouths whilst eating, which will probably be the most difficult trial over the next month. Sirius goes back to the dormitory to wake up Remus.
They sit beside the Prewetts, Edwin and Darius at breakfast. Darius is leaving Hogwarts for good today. He was James' first ever Quidditch Captain, so he knows he will never forget him. He was a good Captain, too, and James is very sad to see him leave. He wonders who will get the position next year.
"What are we going to do next year without our beloved Captain?" Frank asks as he dramatically plops himself down in the seat opposite James, beside Darius.
"It'll never be the same," James adds.
"I'm sure Bracia will handle you all okay," Darius says with a warm smile.
"Bracia's going to be the Captain next year?"
"I recommended her to McGonagall, so I assume she will be. I'm afraid you boys are too young to be handling a team next year, you've got to be fifth years at least," Darius explains at the look of confusion Frank and James share.
"Yeah, it isn't that," James says, frowning. "I'm just surprised you didn't pick Fabian or Gideon as Captain."
"Like anyone could ever choose between them," Edwin speaks up with a roll of his eyes. Gideon throws an arm over his boyfriend's shoulders; it looks platonic to the untrained eye, an affectionate gesture to a friend, but James sees it for what it really is.
"Besides, we won't be playing on the team next year," Fabian says.
"WHAT?!" James and Frank yell at the same time, eyes wide as they stare, scandalised, at the twins.
Gideon chuckles. "Sorry, boys, but without Darius as the Captain it just won't be the same."
"Plus, we actually want to pass our N.E.W.Ts," Fabian points out.
"And we know Marls and Tonks have wanted to be Beaters since second year," Gideon says.
"So," Fabian adds, "we thought we'd give 'em a chance."
"Oh, okay," James replies, trying to act happy for them. If he's being honest, he feels a bit let down. He's never played on the team without Fabian and Gideon before. They're always there. Always walking with him to the pitch, sitting beside him at the beginning of practice. He just can't imagine it all without them.
"No need to pout," Fabian says, poking James' chin with his finger. "We'll still walk you to every game and we'll help Edwin out in the spectator's stand."
Gideon lets out a loud guffaw. "Oh, Minnie's going to hate us even more."
"Lies!" Fabian crows, pressing a hand to his heart. "Minnie adores us!"
"True!"
Darius rolls his eyes at the red-headed twins. He leans closer to Frank and James to whisper conspiratorially, "Honestly, I don't know how the two of them are going to survive here without me next year."
"Oi!" Fabian yells.
"We heard that," Gideon crosses his arms over his chest.
"Don't worry, I've got them," Edwin promises his older brother, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder.
"Great," Darius responds sarcastically.
On the platform, James spots his parents instantly. They're waving like maniacs, trying to get his attention, and he can't help but laugh at the sight of them. He says goodbye to his friends and Remus does his annual check-in with him where he asks if James will be alright going back home. It reminds him of Regulus and how concerned he'd seemed the previous night.
He promises Remus he'll be fine and then hugs Sirius and Peter goodbye. Lily is next. James watches over her shoulder as Sirius and Remus share a bashful hug. He's still wondering if Remus is the boy who Sirius fancies, but he isn't going to bring it up in case it isn't true. Also, he feels like Sirius deserves the right to decide if he is going to tell anyone and when. Clearly, he doesn't want to yet, so James remains silent.
When Lily lets him go, James hugs Marlene and then Mary before he's waving at the group and rushing over to his parents. On his way through the crowd, he notices Regulus not too far away, standing in front of that dreadfully stern woman that James had the displeasure of meeting almost two years ago now. Ah, yes, back in the old days when Regulus hated him and used to threaten him on the daily.
James almost misses it. Maybe that makes him crazy.
He watches as the woman firmly lectures Regulus before holding out her arm, not in a warm gesture, but merely because it is a necessity for disapparation. Regulus takes his mother's arm and then he's whizzing off home. James hopes his mother won't be too harsh this summer. He doesn't want to come back to Hogwarts in September only to discover Regulus littered with even more scars.
When he reaches his parents, they pull him into a tight hug where he is squished between them. He thinks his lung might burst but he doesn't tell them to move away, having missed them both over the last couple of months. He saw them in early May on Peter's birthday, but that hardly counts as he only got to see them for one afternoon.
"Look at our son, Flea," Effie says, ruffling James' hair.
"I know," James' father replies, tearing up, much to James' horror. "A third year graduate. We're so proud of you, James."
"Thanks," James smiles. "Let's go home," he turns to his mother, "before dad starts crying in public again."
"There's nothing wrong with a few tears," Effie proclaims, patting her husband on the shoulder. "But yes, let's get home. Mollie's been preparing dinner all day. Wouldn't even let me in the kitchen. She said she didn't want me to spoil her perfection."
At the mention of their house-elf (and James' friend, because a nanny is not all she is to him), James takes his parents' hands in his and his father grabs his trunk. They apparate home and James grins at the sight of the white-picket fence and his mother's colourful Hibiscus flowers, which are growing proudly beneath the front windows of the house.
For the first time in a long time, he doesn't think about Harry as he walks up the porch steps.
For the first time in a long time, he doesn't dread being home.
Wednesday - 5th June, 1974
Every morning when James wakes up, he forgets about the Mandrake leaf stuck to the roof of his mouth. Until he cleans his teeth. Then, he struggles not to accidentally remove the sticking charm with his rough teeth brushing - some (Remus) might say he scrubs his teeth too hard, but James doesn't believe in such a thing.
Once he's cleaned his teeth, he strolls back into his bedroom and sits at the window seat on the other side of his room. He starts writing a letter to Remus, asking him how the full moon went, checking if he's alright. Poppy doesn't always show up at Lupin Cottage after full moons, only the ones that go rougher than others. So, James hopes and prays that the June moon went smoothly.
He puts the letter to the side once he's finished sealing the envelope and picks up another piece of parchment, intending to write to Sirius next. James spends the next hour or so scribbling down messages to his friends; he'll send them off with the family owl when he goes down for breakfast.
Peculiarly, it isn't his mother who calls him down for breakfast today, but rather his house-elf. James doesn't find this overly strange, as Mollie tends to make the breakfast most of the time anyway. So, once he's done writing his letters, he follows Mollie's voice down to the kitchen, where he expects to find his parents. To James' dismay, they are nowhere in sight. So, he sits at the small, circular table in the far corner of the kitchen and watches as Mollie brings him over a plate of pancakes.
Only one plate.
James notices the other places at the table aren't set and frowns.
"Good morning, Mollie," he greets her with a grateful smile. "Thanks for my pancakes."
"Of course, master Jamie. You is a good boy. Did you sleep well?"
James just shrugs. He had a nightmare but it wasn't terrible, he's had much worse in the past. "Where's mum and dad?"
A worried expression flits across Mollie's features so fast, James almost misses it. She smiles up at him, but her ears flap around her head in the way they do when she's nervous. James finds this mildly concerning. "Master and Mistress are out, Jamie sir. They is needing to be running an errand for Mister Dumbledore."
"Professor Dumbledore?" James asks dumbly. As if there's another Dumbledore. He doesn't think there is. Does Dumbledore have any siblings? Surely, his parents are long gone - the man himself must be at least one-hundred years old if the way his skin sags off his face is anything to go by.
"Yes, Jamie sir."
"Is everything alright? Why do they need to run an errand for my headmaster?" James hasn't touched his pancakes yet.
"Mollie is not knowing, sir. Master and Mistress are leaving Potter Manor a lot these days. Always disappearing. Mollie isn't minding it if they weren't coming back all stressed," Mollie tuts like his parents' stress level is a personal offence to her existence.
James can't think of any reason Dumbledore would ask so much of his parents. There's no reason for him to be dragging them about at odd hours of the day. When James glances at the clock above the stove, he realises it's only nine a.m.
It could have something to do with the attacks that have become more frequently mentioned in The Daily Prophet, though James isn't sure what his parents could possibly be doing to help the situation. He knows his mother quit her job because she wanted to be free to lend a hand at a moments notice. But what would Dumbledore have to do with that?
Instead of allowing his whirlwind thoughts run rampant in his mind for any longer, James shakes his head and tucks into his pancakes. If it matters so much to him, he can always ask his parents when they return home. They have always been truthful with him, even about serious matters. He appreciates that about them. They don't treat him differently because he is a kid. Some people might call that bad parenting, but James thinks it's healthy. Hey, at least he's prepared for the real world, right?
Mollie sits with him at breakfast and they talk about school. James tells her all about his new classes and how fascinating Muggle Studies is, even if Sirius has told him that half of the information they are taught is wrong. James doesn't mind, he still thinks it's cool. Don't even get him started on Physics, he'll be ranting about it all day. Mollie asks after his friends and he explains how Peter and Benji finally got together back in November. He doesn't tell Mollie about the parties he's been to, nor about any of the questionable thinks he's been drinking, but he does tell her how much fun he's had this year.
"It was the best year yet by far," James says, gesturing wildly with his hands as he speaks. "We pulled so many pranks this year and managed to mostly avoid detention." James winces. He knows his parents already know about his detentions, but he also knows they don't mind what he does at school so long as he isn't harming anyone.
"I made a new friend this year," he whispers excitedly. Regulus has been a secret all year, his favourite secret so far. If he can trust anyone to keep Regulus to their self, it's Mollie. "His name is Regulus. He isn't friends with Sirius, Remus and Peter, nor the others. He's just my friend."
"You should invite this friend over," Mollie suggests happily.
James wilts. "I can't. His mother is a horrible woman and she doesn't like our family very much. Regulus doesn't care, but it would be dangerous for him if his mother found out he was my friend. It's a secret, so no one knows. He's a very good friend though."
"Maybe one day Mollie could meet him at Hogwarts?" Mollie suggests and James lights up.
"Yeah! That's a great idea," he grins down at the cheery house-elf. "I could take him down to the kitchens and meet you there, and we could get hot chocolate, and-"
He's interrupted by a hearty chuckle. Bewildered, he tilts his head at Mollie who catches her breath before speaking. "Oh, Jamie sir! I haven't seen you like this in years. You is being very happy, I see. All because of this Regulus friend?"
"I suppose," James shrugs self-consciously. "I'm just excited."
"Mollie is seeing that," she says, laughing again. "Mollie likes him for you. He is making Master Jamie smile again."
"I used to smile before!" James yells indignantly. Mollie raises a pointed eyebrow at him.
"Not like this," Mollie smiles. "Not since- well, not for a very long time. Mollie was sad and worried Jamie might not smile like that ever again. But I is seeing it now, and it's all because of your boy."
James blushes and swiftly decides to change the subject. "I was thinking about going for a walk in the garden. Would you like to join me?"
"Mollie is needing to tidy up Jamie's breakfast things-"
"Nonsense," James waves his hand through the air. "We'll clean up together and then you can accompany me."
"Jamie is too kind, sir."
They tidy up the mess they've made in the kitchen and then James goes back up to his room to change out of his pyjamas. It's a rather hot day today, so he chucks on some denim shorts that almost reach his knees and a red t-shirt. He meets Mollie beside the back door and together they venture into the garden. If James' parents return whilst they are out, Mollie will be notified because she can feel it when someone enters the wards around their house.
James hasn't been out in the gardens for a very long time. Sometimes he'll stand at the backdoor or walk out a metre or so away from the house, but never any further than that. It's difficult because the garden ends at the treeline of the forest and James hasn't gained the courage yet over the years to even look in the direction of the trees. This garden is the place in which he saw Harry for the last time. He was already dead by then, covered in his own blood, clothes wet from where he'd been dumped at the end of the river.
He blinks the memory away, not wanting to think about it. If he does, he might get too scared and try to run back inside. He thinks he's been afraid of his back garden for long enough. It's now time to get over it, try to battle it out.
He recalls going to Sirius' house for the first time and how Sirius wanted to show James the glade in the woods where he and his mother liked to fly; a place far away from Muggles' eyes. But James had refused to even breach the treeline, unable to move as he was paralysed by fear. It wasn't even the same forest, but the trees looked the same and James' mind couldn't separate the two forests. He'd almost had a panic attack right there in front of Sirius, and this was back in the days before Sirius knew about Harry.
It is unfair that James is so afraid of some trees. His boggart is a literal forest. It's just... he thinks about Harry and what could have been the last thing he saw. Trees everywhere, leaves swaying around in the summer wind above his head, branches creaking, and the smell of wood surrounding him, overwhelming his senses. Moss and damp and twigs digging into his back. Was he still alive when he was dumped in the river? Did he drown? James never asked. He didn't want to know back then, not when it was all too fresh. His mind too young to comprehend it all.
Now, he wishes he had the answers. Maybe he could ask his parents when they come back home.
The thought of Harry always reminds him of his sexuality crisis nowadays. It's an improvement from thinking of Harry and then thinking of death, so James will take it. He's thought about his sexuality a lot over the last couple of months. His mother always told him love is love; no matter how it's given or who is giving it to you, if it's love then it's worth anything and everything. He wonders if his mother knew about his feelings for Harry. There's a chance, Euphemia Potter knows everything. She's always known James' secrets before he's figured out he's got a secret to keep. Perhaps, she already held this one safely for him, too.
Going back to the whole love is love thing. James repeats those words to himself over and over again. His mother is always right and he knows she's right about this. Love is love, even when it's a boy loving a boy, or a girl loving a girl. Love is love, even if it's just platonic, it still matters. Love is love, even if it isn't reciprocated.
Love is love, even if James doesn't fall in love until he knows a person. He fell in love with Harry by getting to know him. He's not fallen in love with anyone since. Sure, he finds people attractive, but the thought of dating them puts him off. It could be some loyalty to Harry that James can't let go of, or it could be because he hasn't found that connection with anyone else yet. He is extremely close to all of his friends, as close as a human can get to another human, but that's the thing. They're his friends. He doesn't fancy any of them. Sure, Remus is attractive in a rugged, nerdy, mysterious scars sort of way, but James just thinks he's pretty. Like Lily. She's beautiful and she's clever and kind, but James isn't attracted to her in a romantic way. Sirius is drop dead gorgeous and James can admit that, but he's like a brother to him. Same with Peter and Frank.
There's Mary, who James thinks might come the closest to romantic attraction in his head. He thinks there might have been a small pocket of time in second year when he looked at her for a bit too long and felt some things. She's beautiful and James adores her personality. But she's also his friend and he would never want to risk their friendship simply because he had some silly, twelve-year-old-boy feelings.
He doesn't know Marlene well enough, nor Alice, plus she's Frank's girlfriend. James would never do anything to jeopardise their relationship. There's Azalia, who is absolutely stunning. She's got long, dark hair and translucently pale skin that glows in the summer like a cloud that's just rushed past the sun. James thinks he could like her if they were a bit closer, but he doesn't know. He never knows, not until he's feeling it. That spark that ignites in his gut and sets alight the moment he realises what they mean. He's only felt his stomach set on fire like that once in his life. There was a baby flame for Mary, James thinks, but he put it out before it could consume him.
His parents don't return until midway through the afternoon. James and Mollie spent the day playing chess and James silently completed his Transfiguration homework whilst Mollie did some housework. Mollie told him how proud she was of him once they returned from the garden and James felt a strange sense of pride for himself, too. He did that and no one told him to or forced him to. He did it because he wanted to try and see if he could, and look! He did it.
"James!" His mother sweeps through the door, arms wide as she pulls him into a tight hug. "Oh, I missed you, dear. Sorry we've been gone all day. Believe me, we didn't want to be. Dumbledore requested we meet him urgently and we only had time to explain to Mollie where we were going. How has your day been?"
"Eventful," James replies. "Why did Dumbledore need you?"
Effie and Monty share a look and James stares at them, confused, because he's seen other people's parents do this before. It's the should we tell our child the truth or hide it from them and tell them everything is fine to protect them from the truth look. The look his parents have never given him because they've always trusted him with the truth.
"Dumbledore's setting up an organisation," his father says eventually. "Something to help the families of the recent victims."
James furrows his eyebrows. "Why did he need you to do that?"
"We offered to help in any way we can," Effie speaks next, her tone calm. "We have the ability to reach out and make the situation even a tinier bit easier for them. Isn't that lovely?"
James bites his lip and stares at his parents. They've always been such caring people. Nice to everyone, even strangers; treating them like they are their best friends. How can he be upset at them for leaving him alone for a single day if it means someone who might have lost their parents for good might have had their first hopeful day in a while because of James' parents?
He steps back into his mother's arms and reaches to pull his father into the hug. "You're both amazing and I love you."
"We love you, too, James," Monty whispers into James' hair.
"So much," his mother adds, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Now, tell us all about this eventful day of yours."
James tells them about how he went out into the garden and is shocked when his father starts silently crying over it. He hadn't realised his parents noticed that he'd been avoiding the garden for the last four and a half years. They end up in the kitchen, ordering Mollie to take a break and to put her feet up on a chair as they make dinner. She obliges reluctantly, much to the amusement of the three Potters. James continues to explain his day spent with Mollie as he and his parents make cocido madrileño for dinner. It's his great-great-great-grandmother's recipe, on his father's side.
Eventually, James decides he isn't going to ask his questions about Harry's death today. He's in a good mood and he doesn't want to ruin it. For once, he's happy being home again. He feels safe inside his house and no longer avoids it when his eyes naturally dart to the window at where the forest stands. He smiles softly at the trees because even though Harry died alone, the trees were there with him. The forest behind James' house is one of the most magical ones in all of Britain, similar to the Forbidden Forest back at Hogwarts, only much less dangerous. James wonders if there were faeries in the trees, bringing Harry company when he took his last breaths.
Maybe, he wasn't so alone after all.
They sit at the dinner table in the dining room when their food is cooked, inviting Mollie to join them. However, this, on top of making her sit down whilst they made dinner, seems to be too much for her as she refuses to listen and tells them all stubbornly that she will be spending the next half an hour cleaning up the mess they all made in the kitchen.
James starts tucking into his meal, only noticing a minute later that his parents haven't eaten a bit yet. He slowly swallows his mouthful, eyeing his parents. "Aren't you hungry?"
"Very but there's something we would like to tell you about first," his mother says in her voice that sounds very close to her serious tone, but has a hint of excitement thrown in there.
"What is it?" James asks, a bit worried.
"Your mother and I have gotten you tickets to the Quidditch World Cup for this summer," Monty announces and James perks up in his seat, grinning widely at his parents.
"Really?"
"No, we just wanted to get you all excited only to tell you it isn't true," Effie responds sarcastically. It reminds James so much of Regulus that he has to blink to remind himself that it's his mother he's talking to, not his secret friend.
"Yes, of course it's true," Monty says, rolling his eyes at his wife. "There are two tickets, one for you and one for your mother. I need to stay behind and work, so I can't make it. I'm sure you two will find something fun to do without me."
Effie huffs. "Oh, we are going to have the best time and you'll wish you were there, Flea." She raises her chin haughtily and James can't help but laugh at his parents' show of dramatics. At least he knows where he gets it from.
"Thank you," James beams at the two of them. "Do we know who will be playing yet?"
"No," Effie shakes her head as she swallows her food. "So far, it's down to Syria, Brazil, Madagascar and Ireland. I'm betting Syria will get in, they've been on fire this year."
"Which game are we going to?"
"The finale," his mother wiggles her eyebrows. "It's going to take place in France, so we'll need to take a Portkey out there-"
"No," James shakes his head, catching his mother off guard.
"No?"
"Sorry, it's just- we can't! They pollute the environment and... I promised someone I wouldn't use one ever. I can't break my promise," James explains, trying his best not to mention Regulus' name. Not that his parents would judge him for his choice in friends, but he is afraid they might accidentally bring up Regulus' name in front of his other friends. That would be disastrous.
"Alright, that's okay. We can apparate if you'd prefer it, but we'll have to jump a few times to make it there. Unless we go the Muggle way..." Effie bites her lip in thought.
"The Muggle way?" James questions, glancing at his father with a wary expression. Sometimes when his mother gets an idea in her head, it's very difficult to change her mind. Even if it's a terrible idea that might get them lost in Muggle France.
"Yes, there's a train called the Eurostar that travels under the sea. It only takes just over two hours. It's very safe," Monty assures him. "It should take you quite close to the Cup, actually. It's in Paris isn't it, Effie?"
"No, it's in Le Havre, which is only about two and a half hours from Paris," Effie says, tilting her head to the side. "It would only take a jump or two to make it. Then, whilst we're in Paris, we could go to some gift shops and get some souvenirs."
James grins at this idea. "Yeah! Oh, does this mean I need to learn French? Sirius is really good at speaking French, I should have gotten him to teach me. Did you know, one time Sirius got into an argument with another student-" (James purposefully leaves Regulus' name out of it) "-and they both started yelling in French at each other. It was so weird."
"We could use a translation spell, might be easier," Effie suggests.
"Okay. Might be for the best," James slumps a bit in his chair. He's a little disappointed he won't be learning any French; it means he won't be able to understand some of the things Regulus says in French. James loves it when Regulus speaks French. "Won't have enough time to learn it anyway."
"So, it's settled. We'll go the Muggle way," Effie announces with a resolute nod.
They finish their dinner and James spends the rest of the evening grinning from ear-to-ear. It's going to be the best summer.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-my wolfstar heart is screaming for them right now, they're so cute in this chapter <333
-Lily and Remus <3 Lily and Pandora <3 James and Remus <3 Sirius and Peter <3
-I love protective Barty! Especially when he's being protective of Evan, he's so cute but he's also a little psycho
-Regulus really said I'm catching this Snitch whether it means risking my life or not. He's so dramatic, I love him ❤ Then James saving him because he can't have his husband dying before they even get together now, can he??
-Effie and Monty being supportive parents>>
-THE WOLFSTAR 😖😖 I'm so desperate for them to get together
-Sirius just jumping into the Black Lake without hesitation during a game of hide and seek is so funny to me. Also, Remus was fully PANICKING when he saw that because who tf just jumps into a lake with dark creatures in it??? (Regulus does hehe)
-the moment in the lake is kind of giving percabeth.. or is it just me?
-I don't know if the gravity prank makes sense, I had an idea and just sort of...went with it?
-Jegulus are being really cute this chapter omg :( Regulus calling James the sun and letting him hug him? ahhhhh
-as mentioned previously in the tags, the occlumency and legilimency are an important part of this fic. very important.
-Gideon and Edwin are my new obsession.
-Mollie! <3 She knows what's up with James and Regulus, she and Lily should form a club atp
-I love James just casually going through the list of all his friends and being like: but they're just platonic feelings! and he just completely refused to mention Regulus
-I adore sensitive Fleamont Potter <3
-I'm so happy James is finally happy! He's slowly getting over his grief ahhhh he's so cute, I love him! <3 Also, he's going to the Quidditch World Cup and Muggle Paris with Effie! They're so adorable shjdntishdklSo, everyone, how are we feeling? Third year is now over! Wow, it feels like I said that about second year not too long ago! I am so excited for fourth year, it's definitely going to be the most interesting one yet! Thank you so much for almost 20K hits, I appreciate all of the love and support! <3 Your comments give me LIFE. See you all next week!! <3
Chapter 43: Third Year: Scars and All
Summary:
Regulus' summer starts off terribly.
Regulus gets a surprise.
Sirius goes to Wales.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-child abuse scars
-discriminatory language (against Muggleborns)
-brief mention of murders/attacks
-child abuse (slapped/blood)
-self-harm (Kreacher punches himself)
-mention of unwanted arranged marriages
-brief mention of racist/sexist movie
-underage drinking
-underage smoking
-fight/punching/brief mention of blood (not explicit)
-making outThis is the longest thing I've ever written and took me half a day to edit. It's 20K words long... many, many things happen.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Did you hear about that, mother?
Broke her daughter's legs in two
And said, "It's too dangerous out
there to walk, so I had to save you"
~ Hop Along
Friday - 7th June, 1974
Regulus
It's raining outside, which isn't strange for England but is a bit unexpected as it's summer. Thick, dark clouds loom over the roof of Grimmauld Place like a warning, do not enter is what they're saying. Regulus watches as a a fleck of rain slides down the window, disturbing other droplets on it's way down. He traces it with his finger, racing it as it falls, until it's out of sight. He sighs and returns his eyes to the labyrinth in the back garden of 12 Grimmauld. Kreacher was out there earlier, tending to his white roses, but then the rain began.
Regulus has been tracing the lines of the labyrinth into a piece of paper for the better half of a day. He's decided he'd like to learn how to battle it. After all, it's an attachment of the house and Regulus knows these walls and everything that haunts inside of them like the back of his hand. When he was little, he used to get lost inside the labyrinth, that was until his mother forbade him from entering it. He probably would have ignored her commandment, were it not for the extra scar he earnt that day.
He reaches a hand up to his neck and rubs the sore muscle there. It aches from where he's been hunched on his window seat for the last few hours, not caring to move or change his position to a more comfortable one.
Kreacher pops into the room without warning and Regulus jumps slightly at the loud noise. It's been a quiet sort of day. His mother hasn't requested his presence, not unless you count breakfast and lunch, though Regulus is always expected to turn up for those. He spent the morning going through more birth records. He and Scarlett got a good head start on that during the Easter holidays but didn't get much of a chance to carry on their research at the end of the year when all of the students were busy with exams.
He still hasn't found anything, no trace of Andromeda Black, or whatever her surname would be now. Andromeda isn't a common name at all, it hasn't come up once.
After lunch, Regulus spent another hour or so in the library before retiring to his room. He's been here ever since.
"Master Regulus is to be getting dressed into formal wear and meeting Mistress and Master Black in the sitting room," Kreacher announces. His lip twitches anxiously as he speaks. Regulus knows guests must be visiting them tonight, otherwise Regulus wouldn't be asked to meet in the sitting room. By the sight of Kreacher looking so nervous, Regulus can guess who it will be.
"Thank you, Kreacher," Regulus nods politely. "I will be down in ten minutes."
Kreacher vanishes and Regulus lets out a long-winded sigh. Reluctantly, he moves over to his wardrobe and extracts his dining robes from it. He gives them a dirty look before placing them on his bed and changing into them. It isn't that Regulus hates the way they look, he quite likes appearing fancy. They're just so uncomfortable. What's worse is he'll have to bear wearing them throughout the entire evening and he is quite certain Bellatrix is coming over.
Once he's dressed and believes he looks presentable enough, he makes his way down to the sitting room. His parents are waiting patiently by the fireplace when he enters, which makes him realise their guests will be arriving soon. Regulus assumes Bellatrix will be bringing her husband Rodolphus with her. He hopes Narcissa will come, he hasn't seen her since he returned home. When Regulus had asked his mother about it, she'd responded with the excuse that Lucius has been very busy recently and Narcissa, by extension, has been too. Regulus has no idea what that could mean - probably that they are still getting used to having a baby around.
Regulus goes to stand between his parents, neither of whom inform him on who he should be expecting to turn up. Regulus is sure he had been correct when assuming it would be Bellatrix.
The fire blazes green and, just as he thought, Bellatrix comes sauntering out of the fireplace, a mean smirk on her lips. She's wearing a shade of dark lipstick which contrast sharply against her pale complexion, making her look even scarier than usual. That and her untamed curls look more manic today than they ever have. She's tied her hair up into something he thinks is supposed to be a bun, but instead looks like a rather ferocious bird's nest.
Behind her, Rodolphus steps out of the fireplace. Then, much to Regulus' shock, the fire glows chartreuse again. It spits out another three people, all of whom Regulus unfortunately recognises. Rodolphus' parents step out of the grate gracefully and instantly take Bellatrix and Rodolphus' place by greeting their hosts. Bellatrix moves to stand behind Regulus, pulling on one of his curls spitefully. He doesn't react, knowing that's all she wants, to get him in trouble. Instead, he smiles charmingly at Mr and Mrs Lestrange before turning to the fifth guest, Rodolphus' little brother Rabastan, and holding out his hand.
Rabastan is a couple of years older than Regulus in school, so he's seen him about the common room a few times over the years. They've never spoken because they don't really know each other. Regulus only recognises him from Bellatrix and Rodolphus' wedding. Back then, Regulus was so small, not yet expected to go and befriend all the other Pureblood heirs. In those days, Narcissa would keep him company whilst his parents were off socialising.
Smiling graciously, Rabastan shakes Regulus' hand. They are soon making their way towards the dining room, where Regulus can already smell food sitting ready for them at the table. To his surprise, Rabastan takes the seat right beside him, rather than across from him, which is where his parents, Bellatrix and Rodolphus are sitting.
The adults begin to talk about the end of the school year and Walburga proudly states that Regulus received the highest grades in the year. It isn't exactly true, he knows at least Barty scored higher than he did in a number of subjects. As much as he acts like an imbecile at times, Barty is incredibly clever.
Much to Walburga's clear dismay, Mrs Lestrange begins to boast about how Rabastan just took his O.W.Ls. He hasn't received his results yet, he won't until near the end of summer, but she proclaims he's likely gotten the best grades anyway. Rabastan blushes under the attention and it is an effort for Regulus not to laugh. Mrs Lestrange starts listing off all of the subjects Rabastan has chosen to take next year and for his N.E.W.Ts. It isn't long before the topic of conversation moves towards Orion and Mr Lestrange's work, which is very similar as they work in the same department at the Ministry.
Regulus tunes the conversation out, not caring for it very much. He finds Ministry work boring which is inconvenient because he knows he will be forced into a Ministry job as soon as he's graduated from Hogwarts. If his father's health takes another turn for the worse, Regulus will soon have to take his house's place in the Wizengamot. He'd rather not, but he doesn't really have the choice to be fussy.
"I've heard Rookwood's having a rough time of it lately," Regulus hears his father say. "Carrow's got him firing half of his department."
"Yes, probably all the Muggleborns," Mr Lestrange responds, sneering as he speaks. "Ever since Carrow's been in charge, those who are not fit for the job have finally been getting their just deserves. I heard he's recruited Rookwood, suppose we'll see him at the next meeting."
Walburga clears her throat pointedly and Mr Lestrange directs the topic of conversation to something else. Regulus wonders what he could have meant by "we'll see him at the next meeting". He remembers both his parents disappearing during the Christmas holidays, going off at strange hours. Evan and Pandora's father had been doing the same thing, as well as Scarlett's mother. He assumes it has something to do with members of the Pureblood society, though what it could all be about, Regulus has no idea. He can tell it's supposed to be a secret, especially if his mother's reaction to Mr Lestrange bringing it up is anything to go by. It only makes him more curious to find out what it's all about. Another mystery to unpack.
The adults share their opinions on the recent news. It is very obvious where their sentiments lie and it is not with the Muggle victims who have all been attacked and murdered. Regulus no longer reads the newspaper when he's at school, finding it all turns his stomach when he does nowadays. The attacks have become more frequent since Christmas, more daring, too. Regulus knows these helpless Muggles don't deserve what's happening to them, it's clearly an act of prejudice caused by a group of wily blood supremacists. A way to rebel. Regulus doesn't know why it's all suddenly happening now, all he knows is that it makes him feel sick. Some of these victims have been kids. Children. Innocent lives. It's absolutely disgusting.
"What do you think about all of this then?" Mr Lestrange directs the question at Regulus and he finds himself hesitating as he opens and closes his mouth, not knowing what to say. He knows he can't admit what he really thinks about the whole thing, his mother would surely kill him. Regulus pulls up his mental walls in case his mother decides to attempt to use legilimency on him.
"I think it is a rather turbulent way to spread one's opinion," Regulus responds carefully. Under the table, he digs his fingers into his knees. "Though, if they haven't yet been caught, I cannot deny it seems to be working."
When he glances at his mother, his stomach fills with dread. From an outsider's point of view, Walburga looks mildly bored. But to Regulus, who has lived with his mother all his life and knows how to read her facial expressions by now, Walburga appears to be restraining herself from doing something particularly violent. Turbulent, one might say, Regulus thinks with a heavy amount of self-pity.
Gulping slightly, Regulus turns and finds Rabastan watching him. His eyes are curious and his head is tilted ever so slightly to the side as he regards Regulus. Then, surprisingly, he smiles slightly before gazing down at his plate and taking a sip of wine from his glass.
"Sometimes subtlety evades the notice of those who need the most convincing, Regulus," Mr Lestrange tells him before turning back to Orion.
Regulus isn't directly addressed again. He spends the rest of dinner nervously playing with his rings under the table, the Ombud ring and the silver one Dorcas gifted him a couple of Christmases back.
When it is finally time for the Lestranges to leave, Rodolphus and Bellatrix decide to stay for a little bit longer. Regulus bids Mr and Mrs Lestrange goodbye and then nods to Rabastan, who returns the gesture.
As soon as the fireplace is empty, Bellatrix gains on Regulus. He sees it coming before it even happens. Bellatrix's hand raises and she strikes him harshly against the face, it's forceful enough to send him to the floor. Walburga calls Bellatrix's name sharply and demands that she leave. Regulus sits on the floor, reaching up to tenderly run his fingers against his cheek. It's warm and tingles beneath his touch. He wonders if she caught him with one of her nails, it feels like she did. He glances up at his father, begging his bottom lip not to tremble as he notices the pain in his father's eyes. Regulus clenches his jaw and stands, but soon it is his mother in front of him where Bellatrix once was. She grabs his wrist tightly, digging her nails remorselessly into his skin. He hisses at the pain and lets himself be dragged from the room, ignoring the way his father pleads with Walburga to let him go.
She leads him all the way to the drawing room, grip not releasing once around his wrist. With a flick of her wand, Walburga sends the door banging open, enough that one of the hinges breaks. She doesn't even bother to close it after her, not this time.
Regulus doesn't look at the family tree, it's already disappointed him too much this summer and he's only been home a week. The moment his parents disappeared to one of their mysterious meetings, Regulus hurried to the drawing room, to the family tree. He ignored the memory in his mind of his Boggart and searched for Andromeda's burnt face. Once he found her, he scanned his eyes down the branch that was growing the last time he saw it. Unfortunately, in the place where a baby's face should have been, there was an identical black burn mark to Andromeda's and her other child.
It was his only lead and he lost it.
"Mother..." Regulus tries, but he is interrupted by his mother's hand smacking him in the exact same place Bellatrix had not two minutes before. He blinks, disbelief filling him. Not once has his mother ever struck him. She prefers to use her magic over brute force, always finding it cleaner, more efficient.
Luckily, Regulus isn't sent to the floor again. He stares up at his mother with fearful eyes. Usually, he wouldn't show his vulnerability like this, but he is afraid. For once, his mother is acting unpredictably. For once, Regulus has no idea what might happen to him in this room.
"Stupid, insolent child," Walburga growls, angrily striking her wand through the air like a whip. Regulus feels the blood before the cut of an invisible blade hits him. It's hot and sticky, it dribbles down the front of his shirt and dyes his formerly white shirt crimson. Regulus blinks as he stares down at it. The first scar he'll ever have on his front. Something people will be able to notice easily. Something new and terrible. Another to add to the collection.
"Do you have any idea what you've done?" She snaps, cutting him again. Another thing he didn't see coming. She only ever does it once. Once is always enough for her. Not this time, apparently. This time, he really has messed up. "You are the heir! You will not be a mistake, you will be-" another cut "-what I have taught you to be."
Regulus feels his knees buckle beneath him and he is on the floor before he can even blink. There's a cut on his bicep now and another just above the one on his hip that he received back in first year. That one isn't so bad, it makes him think of James, who had noticed it almost immediately when he received it.
The first one, the one staining his shirt, cuts along the line of his collarbone. It's bleeding heavily, he hopes his mother didn't hit the top of his lung, he isn't sure how to fix that. He winces at the pain it causes when he breathes, his hand instinctively coming up to hold it. Soon, his hand is painted red, it causes him to shiver.
He meets his mother's eyes, tries to keep his defiance out of them, knowing she won't appreciate it and will probably only harm him further. It won't help him or anyone else if he rebels against his mother anyway.
"You've disappointed me, Regulus Arcturus," Walburga says, much calmer now. Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she comes down from her tantrum. She leaves him there to bleed out on the floor. Regulus blinks, only then realising how light-headed he feels.
"Kreacher," he mumbles, wincing at the pain he feels in his chest when he speaks. Kreacher apparates in front of him and his eyes widen at the sight of Regulus covered in his own blood on the floor. Regulus would regularly clean himself up, but he's not sure he'll be able to make it out of the room, let alone all the way to his own bedroom. He whimpers, not able to hold it in. "Help."
He's never seen the old house-elf move so quickly. Kreacher gathers Regulus up with his magic and then apparates them both up to Regulus' bedroom. Regulus feels a blinding pain in his chest and wonders if he may have been splinched. It's dangerous to apparate with someone who is actively bleeding out. Black spots blur his vision and then Regulus is gone.
Saturday - 8th June, 1974
Regulus wakes up the following morning and almost jumps out of his skin when he comes face-to-face with Kreacher. He lifts Regulus' shirt and examines something on his hip. Then, he pulls down the collar of his shirt and Regulus frowns until he notices an inflamed, red line on his collarbone.
Oh, right.
"Is it going to scar?" He asks, already knowing answer.
Kreacher mumbles nervously to himself. Then, "Kreacher could not heal it properly. It is going to be hurting Master Regulus for a long time." The elf begins to bang his fists against his forehead. Regulus steps out of bed in a rush and kneels before Kreacher.
"Hey, hey, Kreacher. Stop that," Regulus orders and Kreacher slowly lowers his fists and stares up at Regulus with watery eyes. "It isn't your fault. I shouldn't have angered her."
"Kreacher is supposed to be looking after Master Regulus," Kreacher whimpers. "Kreacher is promising to."
"I know," Regulus nods. "I'm fine. See?" He stretches his arms out as if to present himself to Kreacher. He smiles until Kreacher stops silently crying.
"Master Regulus is to be going to the gardens," Kreacher croaks. "Master Orion is saying it is urgent."
"Okay," Regulus says, standing up from the floor and sighing. "Thank you, Kreacher. You've been a massive help."
Kreacher smiles slightly and then pops off. Regulus changes into a black shirt - not wanting to risk white in case his wounds bleed any more - and some black trousers. He looks the part of the perfect heir. When he looks at himself in the mirror, his eyes land on his collar bone. It's covered by the collar of his shirt, but only just. He's shocked his mother would mark him in a place so difficult to cover up.
His eyes jump up to stare at themselves. Regulus thinks about the promise he made to James, that he would be safe. Had it been a lie? He didn't intend to break his promise. Walburga broke it for him.
When you swear on your star, I know I can trust whatever it is you're telling me is the truth.
Yeah, right. Regulus is a Slytherin, he lies. Except, this time he didn't actually intend for it to be a lie. He isn't sure what's more sad, that James believed him or that he believed himself.
Turning away from the mirror, Regulus makes his way down to the gardens. He assumes his father will be out by Kreacher's rose bushes, a favourite place of his. Regulus notices it's gone midday when he passes the grandfather clock in the main corridor. He must have slept for over twelve hours. He isn't very hungry, so he doesn't bother about getting something to eat before exiting out the backdoor and journeying into the garden. His father said it was urgent anyway.
It doesn't take very long for Regulus to locate where his father is. He's sitting on one of the benches around Kreacher's rose garden, admiring one of the buds newly growing just beside his arm. When Regulus approaches him, his father blinks up at him before instructing him to take a seat. Regulus does.
"Kreacher says she cursed you." It's a statement, not a question, so Regulus isn't sure how to answer. What to say. His father's voice is void of any emotion, which isn't a very good sign. Regulus starts to twist the rings on his fingers out of nervous anticipation. "I'm very proud of you, Regulus."
Regulus' head snaps to the side. He frowns in confusion and stares at his father. That is... not what he expected his father to say. If he's being honest, he isn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't that.
"You're... proud of me?" Regulus questions dumbly. Only last night, his mother was telling him what a disappointment he was, and now his father insists he's something worth being prideful of.
"Yes," Orion nods before turning away from the rose and meeting Regulus' eye. "You remind me of, well, me. You're tenacious when it comes to what you believe in, even in the face of your mother's violence. To me, that is something worthy of my pride. However, to your mother, it is a weakness." His father's voice morphs into something more commanding, a warning. "You need to be more careful. There's... I can't always stop her. Not anymore. Even if you don't agree with her, you should lie."
"Is that what you do?" Regulus whispers.
Orion's eyebrow twitches. "I am silent. I used to argue when I was your age. Then, I realised it would get me nowhere. I thought, if I lie for long enough, I could use it to get me to where I needed to go. Then, I married your mother and discovered even if I did tell my truth, it would no longer get me anywhere."
"Then how will lying help me ?"
"You're much cleverer than I ever was. You'll know when to tell the truth before you get stuck. But, for now, I implore you to act exactly how your mother asks you to." His father turns back to the roses, tutting as he picks up a rotten one from the ground. He holds it in his palm and Regulus' eyes settle on it. "You still have things she can take away, and she will if she doesn't think you're being obedient enough." He makes a fist, crumpling the flower completely. When he opens his hand again, he drops the flower. Regulus watches as the squashed petals flutter down like dead butterflies.
Friday - 14th June, 1974
It's been a week since the Lestranges visited. A week since Walburga cursed him. His collar bone is still inflamed and has now taken on an angry, purple hue. The slices on his hip and bicep have healed into scars now and Regulus finds it easy to cover those, so long as he doesn't wear any short-sleeved tops.
Ever since the Lestranges came over for dinner, Walburga has had guests around every night. Following the Lestranges, there were the Bullstrodes, then the Flints and the Parkinsons. Scarlett and her parents came over a couple of nights ago, but they didn't get much of a chance to talk to one another. Last night, one of Orion's work colleagues and his wife came over for tea. Regulus could spot the pattern between the guests from a mile away. All Purebloods, the majority of them a part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.
Walburga took him aside a few nights ago and informed him that he was to befriend Rabastan when he returns to Hogwarts. He knows how his mother feels about the friends he already has, Scarlett is the only one she approves of. Regulus isn't sure how he is supposed to simply just befriend Rabastan Lestrange. It isn't like they share classes, they're two year groups apart. And Regulus would never sit with him at meal times because Rabastan's friends are people like Travers and Dolohov, not people Regulus feels eager to get to know.
Regulus has acted like the perfect heir ever since his conversation with his father in the rose garden. Walburga hasn't punished him since last Friday and has instead offered him nods of approval. He's been answering the questions aimed at him with skilled propriety, lying just as his father recommended he should, saying exactly what he knows his mother would expect him to say. He wonders how much longer he will have to act this way before his mother removes the curse from his wound and allows it to properly heal.
What's worse is, even though Grimmauld has been more busy in the last week than it ever has in Regulus' entire life, he's been so lonely. Narcissa hasn't come to see him once and his parents have neglected to mention her. Regulus misses his cousin dreadfully and he really wants to see his Godson. In his desperately isolated moments, he's even found himself missing Lucius.
Tonight, when Kreacher comes to collect him for dinner, announcing there shall be more guests attending tonight, Regulus is already dressed and ready, having expected just this. He thinks about who could be joining them tonight. Maybe the Averies, though Regulus hopes that isn't true. He doesn't really like Gasper Avery, mainly because he's willingly befriended Severus Snape and Amycus Carrow, but also because he's painfully irritating. He struts down the corridors of Hogwarts with Mulciber and Wilkes like they all own the place, when truly they look like imbeciles.
Perhaps, the Travers will visit and Regulus will get to have a proper look at the girl Evan is expected to marry. Honestly, they're fourteen, they shouldn't be thinking about marriage yet. Regulus is still only thirteen and he's technically been engaged since he was twelve. It's ludicrous, if you ask him.
When Regulus enters the sitting room, he almost jumps with joy at the sight of Narcissa and Lucius standing in front of his parents. Orion is holding little Nicholas, who has grown an inordinate amount since Regulus last saw him, which was all the way back in January now. Regulus rushes forward, careful to keep his grace so that his mother won't curse him for his lack of aptness later. Narcissa spots him and opens her arms, ready for him when he pushes into them. He's now almost the same height as Narcissa, she's always been a very small woman and Regulus is quite short for his age. Her hair tickles his nose as he wraps his arms around her and holds on tightly.
"Oh, hello," Narcissa chuckles. "I assume this means you've missed me?"
Regulus pulls back and straightens his robes, sparing his mother a glance to see if she's disapproving of his sudden display of affection. She isn't paying attention to them, luckily, too busy speaking with Lucius. Regulus guesses Lucius distracted her on purpose and is immensely grateful to the man for it.
"Not at all," Regulus grins. "How are you?"
"Very well," Narcissa nods. Then, she reaches towards Orion and takes Nicholas from him before holding him out to Regulus. "Nicholas has missed his Godfather. Here you go."
Regulus takes the baby into his arms and feels a burst of love fill his chest when Nicholas grins up at him, his mouth toothless. His eye are blue-grey just like Narcissa's and his hair has become as bright as a bolt of lightning since Regulus last saw him. It sits on his head neatly, combed back and probably charmed to stay that way.
"Hello, little one," Regulus whispers. He rocks Nicholas in his arms without even thinking about it. It's instinctive. Nicholas coos up at him, eyes shining cheerfully.
"Shall we adjourn to the dining room?" Regulus' father asks and soon they are leaving the sitting room. Regulus carries Nicholas with him until they are sitting down. Narcissa steals him back then and sits him in a baby's highchair, which Regulus assumes Kreacher must have dug out from the attic because it looks old and used. It was probably Regulus' once upon a time.
It's much more comfortable than all the dinners Regulus has been forced to attend over the last week. He speaks more freely and smiles when Narcissa asks him how school is going. He speaks about his electives, careful to leave Divination out of the conversation, knowing his mother disapproves of the subject. Lucius starts talking about one of the new staff members in the department beside his that always makes a racket whilst he's trying to work.
"It isn't even a sustainable department," Lucius carries on. "Weasley likely only stays because he hasn't another option. I've heard his wife is pregnant again. Poor woman probably didn't realise she was marrying into such poverty..." He continues to complain about Weasley, a name Regulus recognises but can't place, so he tunes out Lucius' voice and instead focuses on eating his dinner.
"Should we tell him now?" At the sound of Narcissa's voice, Regulus looks up from his plate and finds everyone at the table watching him. Panicked that he might have been spoken to and missed it, Regulus turns to Narcissa and frowns. Narcissa smiles excitedly and Regulus' expression softens. "Lucius and I have a surprise for you."
"What for?"
"Your exceptional examination results," Walburga responds. Regulus looks at his mother, expecting her to say something along the lines of he doesn't deserve his surprise anymore, based on the way he acted last week. However, she remains silent.
"Lucius, unfortunately, cannot come with us because he must work," Narcissa begins, "so it will only be you, Nicholas and I attending."
"Attending... where?" Regulus asks cautiously. If his mother has approved of this, it might be a terrible surprise, something he won't enjoy. Not that he isn't grateful. Narcissa knows him well enough to know if he will like it or not, so that raises his hopes a little.
"The 417th Quidditch World Cup," Lucius announces and Regulus feels his entire body light up with feverishness. That is not what he had expected at all. He's never been to watch the Quidditch World Cup before, but he's always wanted to.
"Really?" He straightens in his seat, training excited eyes on Narcissa. She nods. "Thank you. I'm very grateful. When are we going?"
"From the seventeenth to the twenty-first, so you'll need to be ready to leave early on Monday morning," Narcissa explains. "It's taking place in Le Havre, France. I'm not sure which teams will be playing-"
"Syria, Brazil and Madagascar are the teams left," Regulus jumps in to say. He only knows this because Evan had told him in a letter he sent a couple evenings ago. Oh, he's going to be so jealous when he finds out Regulus went. Maybe Regulus can locate a pensieve in the future and show Evan all of his memories. Evan definitely isn't going, he's had a rough time of it at home as of late. His father has invited the Travers over for dinner more times than Walburga has the Starks around.
"My money is on Madagascar winning," Lucius proclaims confidently. Regulus doesn't voice his opinion that Syria will likely win because they have the best team. Madagascar is very good, but they aren't as proficient at teamwork like Syria's team is.
They speak for a little longer about when Narcissa will come to pick Regulus up. They decide not to apparate or use a portkey because they are bringing Nicholas with them. In the end, Narcissa explains she has a friend who lives about an hour from where the Cup will be taking place, so they can just Floo there. She doesn't explain how they will travel for the hour in between the two locations, so Regulus assumes they will either be walking (which isn't very likely) or using some form of Muggle transportation, because Narcissa is not against using Muggle inventions. Regulus understands why she keeps this to herself in front of his mother, it's probably for the best.
Monday - 17th June, 1974
When Narcissa arrives on Monday morning, Nicholas on her hip and a shrunken trunk in her pocket, Regulus is quick to hurry into the fireplace beside her, eager to get going as soon as possible. His mother isn't home, so he doesn't need to worry about hiding his excitement. His father chuckles and waves them both off as they zip through the Floo network, all the way to France.
A young woman, just a bit older than Narcissa, greets them as they step out of the new fireplace. She introduces herself to him as Priscilla Laurent and offers them each a cup of tea. Her accent is mostly English with a hint of French thrown in there, so Regulus assumes Narcissa knows this woman from Hogwarts. They accept the tea and Priscilla fawns over Nicholas, mentioning she has children of her own, all around Regulus' age, but they aren't home. He's selfishly glad about this, not feeling up to socialising with anymore teenagers he doesn't know properly. He's done that enough for one lifetime, thanks.
They don't stay for very long once they've finished their tea. Priscilla let's them know where the nearest bus station is, which Regulus assumes is a place where buses convene. In the Wizarding World, you just have to wait for one and it will show up. Do Muggles actually have to go to the bus? How inconvenient.
It's only down the road, so it takes them less than five minutes. There's a bus already letting people on. Narcissa pulls out a bag of coins, all Muggle so Regulus doesn't recognise any of them. They hurry onto the bus and Narcissa has to talk through some plastic divide with holes in it. Regulus stares around curiously. He makes eye contact with a Muggle boy, someone who looks just a bit older than him. The boy smiles and Regulus looks away quickly, feeling as his face turns red.
Narcissa finishes paying and guides Regulus towards a couple of empty seats. He sits Nicholas down on his lap and points at things out the window as they pass by.
The bus is hot and stuffy, so Regulus is sweating by the time they finally arrive to the correct location. He follows Narcissa off the bus, holding Nicholas against his hip. He glances back towards the Muggle boy before he leaves and finds him already watching him. Regulus hurries off the bus.
There are a couple of small, Muggle buildings - a shop and something called a Post Office, according to the sign. They pass it and head towards the hill behind the buildings, it's a bit steep and Regulus sweats even more in the French heat. He digs out the sunglasses Alphard gifted him a couple of Christmases ago and puts them on. Nicholas hits them with his little fist, knocking them so they sit wonky on Regulus' face. He chuckles and gently grabs the baby's hand.
"Don't do that, little one. You might hurt yourself."
When they get to the top of the hill, Regulus feels them walk through a ward. The air around them jiggles and shimmers and then raucous noise blares from all around them. The field in front of them fills with tents and a massive stadium sits in the back corner. Streamers are falling from the sky and mini fireworks play above a couple of tents, sparkling in the sky. Wizards and Witches are rushing around cheerfully.
"Come on, we're on C field. Our tent is under Malfoy," Narcissa instructs. "Would you like me to carry him?" She nods towards Nicholas and Regulus pulls the baby closer to him with a defiant frown. Narcissa laughs. "Okay, then. You can hold him."
They make their way through crowds of people, Narcissa keeping an arm around Regulus' shoulders to make sure they aren't separated. It takes a while before they locate their tent. It looks quite small from the outside, but when they enter it Regulus almost gasps. They step into a sitting area, two couches and a coffee table fill the space, along with a Moroccan rug and a chandelier on the ceiling. There are three corridors branching off from the first room. Through further investigation, Regulus discovers the back corridor leads to a kitchen, set with an oven and fridge and sink. There's even a small table for them to sit at.
The second corridor guides them towards a bathroom and a small cupboard for them to store away their towels and things like that. The third corridor, the one on the right, is where Regulus finds the two bedrooms. His one is smaller than Narcissa's, containing a single bed and a set of drawers. There's a mini-chandelier on the ceiling and a fluffy, blue rug on the floor. Regulus drops his trunk off on the floor and goes to examine Narcissa and Nicholas' room.
It's a bit bigger than his, consisting of a double bed, a cot beside it, a wardrobe instead of drawers and a mirror hanging from one of the walls. Her rug is less shaggy and resembles the one in the sitting room.
"It's really nice," Regulus says. "Lucius outdid himself."
"Yes, it's bigger than I expected it to be," Narcissa agrees as she places Nicholas in the cot. "I think I'm going to put him down for a nap. He's exhausted, poor thing."
"Okay, I should probably unpack-"
"Oh, don't worry about that," Narcissa shakes her head, turning to him. "I'll do it. Go have a look around all the stalls. It'll be boring in here until he wakes up, you should go have some fun."
"I don't want to leave you on your own," Regulus argues half-heartedly.
"I'll be fine," Narcissa waves him off. "I've got plenty to do to keep me busy. Go on." She shoos him off with a grin, so he goes. He changes into some cleaner clothes first, not wanting to go out in public in his sweaty travel clothes. He throws on a white shirt and a green, sleeveless jumper-vest over it. He does up the top button on his shirt, wanting to hide the mark on his collarbone. Walburga removed the curse from it finally a couple of days ago, but it's still a bit purple, easily noticeable. He rolls up the sleeves of his shirt to his forearms because it is hot out and then throws on a pair of black trousers and some trainers.
It's lucky the Cup is in France because Regulus can speak French, so if anyone speaks to him he won't be staring at them like an idiot.
He turns left when he leaves the tent and instantly puts his sunglasses back on because the sun is blazing today. In his left pocket, he has his wand, which he is allowed to use because there shouldn't be any Muggles about if the wards are sustainable. In his right pocket, he has the lighter Barty gave him ages ago. He doesn't think he'll need it, but he likes carrying it around with him. In that pocket, he also has a small bag of money.
Regulus walks for about ten minutes and ends up finding a merchandise shop. He doesn't have much else to do, so he opens the door and steps inside. On one half of the shop there's merchandise with red, white and black stripes covering it and two green stars. On the other half there's green, red and white merchandise with ring-tailed lemur's etched along the designs.
He walks over to the jumpers, finding the Syria section appeals to him more. The stars are a much better look than the lemurs in his opinion. He picks up a Syria team jumper, finding the one with the Seeker's name and number on it. Omar Rashid, number 27. Regulus picks it up off the rail and decides it will be good enough.
Regulus is walking over to the counter, struggling to pull his money out of his pocket, when he feels someone poke his shoulder. Confused and a bit worried, Regulus turns and he blinks. Because. What?
James is standing there, grinning down at him like Regulus is the best thing he's ever seen. He's wearing Muggle clothes, just like Regulus is, except his are far less formal. He's wearing a red hoodie and simple jeans, along with red shoes that look like they are one step away from falling apart.
What is James doing here?
"What are you doing here?" James asks, still beaming at him.
"I came for cool merchandise," Regulus deadpans, gesturing to the jumper in his hand. "What do you think, Potter? Obviously, I'm here to watch the match."
"Well, yeah, I know that. I just mean... How come you're here? Who did you come with?" James' happy expression drops into a more conspiratorial one.
"My cousin Narcissa," Regulus responds. "Don't worry, my mother is nowhere in sight."
"Oh, excellent," James sighs, clearly relieved. He catches himself and shakes his head. "Wait, no. That was rude. I just meant, well, your mother is a bit..."
"Of a tyrant?" Regulus questions, smirking at the way James' eyes widen. "Who did you come here with?"
"My mum," James' smile returns and Regulus can't help but return it. James' smile is infectious. "She's back at the tent, still setting everything up. She told me to go and find something to eat and I ended up here."
"Is there any food here?"
"No," James grimaces.
"You weren't very successful then."
"Oh, I don't know about that. I found you, didn't I?" James admits sheepishly.
Regulus swallows. "I should, erm, pay for this." He hurries over to the counter and purchases his new jumper. James is waiting for him outside the door to the shop when he leaves.
"Nice glasses," James announces cheerfully, gesturing to Regulus' sunglasses. Regulus feels his face turn red. He'd forgotten he was wearing them.
"Thanks," he mumbles. They walk away from the merchandise shop, neither of them talking for a minute or two. It's a comfortable silence. Regulus forgot what it was like to share his silence with James.
"Would you like to go and get something to eat together?" It comes out all in a rush, like James was working himself up to say it. Regulus realises then that this is the first time they have hung out together in public, where people can actually see them talking to each other. His heart leaps at the idea of getting to be James' friend out in the open.
"I could eat," Regulus shrugs.
"Great," James grins. "I think there's something this way," he points to their right. "When I asked, someone told me I will find something over there, but I'm not sure if I translated it correctly. I'm not so good at French."
"Oui je sais," Regulus chuckles. James gapes at him, which only makes him laugh harder. "Aimez-vous?"
"Alright, I have no idea what you're saying. If you're insulting me, carry on."
Regulus stares at him, bemused. "Carry on?"
"It sounds cool in French," James says.
"You're so strange," Regulus shakes his head. "I wasn't insulting you."
"Oh, then what did you say?"
"Nothing important," Regulus replies. "Come on, let's go eat."
They come across a bundle of stalls after heading in the direction James instructed him to go. They end up sitting down on a wooden picnic bench, pastries in their hands and milkshakes in matching glasses. James starts talking about which team he thinks is going to win, Regulus agrees with him that it will probably end up being Syria. Regulus laughs properly for the first time in weeks. It feels good. He forgets about the mark on his collarbone and the new scars etched into his skin. Ignores the broken promise that lingers between them, that James isn't aware of. Regulus lets himself have fun for once.
"I wouldn't have pegged you as a chocolate milkshake person," James points out as Regulus takes a sip out of his red and white straw. The milkshakes here are amazing, the perfect consistency and they aren't too sweet.
"Did you think I would choose vanilla? If so, that is insulting. Vanilla is bland." He takes another sip of his chocolate milkshake as if to prove his point. "What flavour even is yours?"
"Hazelnut," James responds.
"I would have assumed you'd go for strawberry or bubble-gum."
"I guess that makes me unpredictable," James grins, lifting his milkshake to his mouth and taking a long sip. He groans a moment later, grabbing his head and scrunching his eyes shut. "Ugh. Brain freeze."
Regulus laughs at him. "Drink it slower then, idiot."
"Hey, don't be mean," James orders sternly. His serious exterior is sort of ruined by the way he's now pinching the bridge of his nose because of his brain freeze.
"I thought you wanted me to insult you," Regulus counters with a smirk.
"In French," James tuts.
"Oh, okay then. Drink it slower, idiote."
"You're just saying it with a funny accent," James whines, placing his hands on his hips in a display so petulant that Regulus can't help but burst out laughing again. The other boy's expression softens a bit. He leans forward and starts swirling his straw through his hazelnut milkshake. "How have things been then? At home, I mean. Has your mother left you alone?"
Regulus opens and closes his mouth. He doesn't want to lie, not to James. James who always understands when Regulus is going through something. James who always makes sure Regulus is safe before he goes home and when they return to Hogwarts. James who was the first person to ever see the scars on his back put there by the mother who was supposed to love him.
Then, he thinks about today and how he has had the most fun he's had for a long time. He hasn't looked over his shoulder for his mother once. Hasn't dreaded getting out of bed. Instead, he's spent his day grinning and laughing and enjoying milkshakes with James Potter and the Quidditch World Cup in France. It's been an odd sort of day, something unexpected. When it comes to James, Regulus realises he likes the unexpected things. They always make everything more special. More exciting.
Thursday - 20th June, 1974
Regulus has spent the entire week alternating between spending time with Nicholas and Narcissa and exploring the place with James. Regulus hasn't told Narcissa about James, not yet, but he thinks he wants to. James keeps hinting to him that he would love to meet Regulus' Godson and Regulus hasn't missed those hints, but he has been ignoring them. It's not that he doesn't trust Narcissa won't tell his mother about his friendship with James, but he's kept James to himself for so long that he's sort of used to their friendship being a big secret now.
Still, every day leading up to the Cup, Regulus grows more eager to introduce James to Narcissa. James has invited him around his tent a couple of times, but Regulus doesn't want to meet James' mother and then risk her accidentally mentioning their friendship in front of one of James' other friends. That would be disastrous. So, he always says no and asks that they keep hanging out, just the two of them.
It's on the morning of the match that Regulus decides he is going to bring James back to his tent and let him meet Nicholas and Narcissa. He trusts Narcissa not to tell Walburga, after all her friend Priscilla is a Half-Blood, so she can't really judge, can she?
He wakes up and has breakfast at the small kitchen table with Nicholas and Narcissa. They cook pancakes together and have plenty leftover that they can save for tomorrow morning, which will be their last before they head back to London tomorrow afternoon. The week has gone very fast, thanks to James' company. Regulus wishes he had a few more days, he doesn't want to go home and see his mother tomorrow. He wants to stay here.
After breakfast, they go for a walk around the place and stop by a few stalls. Regulus buys little souvenirs for his friends and makes sure to get Evan a moving action figure of his favourite Syrian Quidditch player. They grab lunch from a food cart and Regulus ends up having a Spanish dish called patatas bravas. The food is exceptional and reminds him a bit of the meals back at Hogwarts. Kreacher is a good cook, but he has nothing on the house-elves employed in the Hogwarts kitchens.
They head back to the tent after lunch because Nicholas needs to be put down for a nap again. Regulus informs Narcissa that he's going to go for another wander around the stalls, which is a lie, he's actually going to meet up with James by the milkshake cart, just as they have done since the first day Regulus arrived here. Narcissa is reading a book on the couch when he leaves, content enough that Regulus doesn't feel guilty about abandoning her.
James is waiting at the milkshake cart when he arrives. He's trying to pull his jumper off over his head when Regulus approaches, but looks to be struggling with it. Regulus snorts and James turns in his direction, head lost in the material of his jumper, yet he still manages to ask, "Reg? Is that you?"
"What are you doing?" He inquires, amused as James continues to struggle.
"I'm-" James roughly discards his jumper and catches it before it falls to the floor. He gazes down at Regulus, glasses wonky on his face and hair a static mess. "Hello, Reg." He grins.
"Hello, James," Regulus replies, fondly shaking his head. He reaches forward to straighten James' glasses, just like he had back in the Easter holidays when they were on their brooms on the Quidditch pitch.
"What are we doing today? Mum wants me back by four, so we can pick something up to eat before the match begins."
"I should probably be back by then, too," Regulus nods. "I was thinking... how would you feel about meeting my cousin? And Nicholas, of course."
James' face lights up at the suggestion and before he knows it, James is grabbing his hands and wiggling them about excitedly. Regulus lets it happen, not too bothered about the contact with James. He's never affected when it's James touching him, he's never found out why that is. Maybe he just feels safer with James than he does with others.
"Yes, let's do that," James agrees eagerly, practically jumping on the spot. "Should we go now?"
"No, Nicholas is sleeping. We can go in an hour, let's have milkshakes first," Regulus says, walking them over to the queue in front of the milkshake cart. One of James' hands are still linked with his, but the other boy doesn't seem to mind so Regulus tries to ignore it.
They order their milkshakes and walk over to one of the empty picnic tables nearby, which means Regulus has to drop James' hand. James starts rambling about how nervous he is to meet Regulus' favourite cousin. Regulus has told James a lot about Narcissa in the past, perhaps more than he's ever told anyone, even Pandora. James understands how important Narcissa is in Regulus' life.
"What if she doesn't like me?" James frowns, biting on his bottom lip.
"Narcissa likes all of my friends."
"Yeah, but all of your friends are Slytherins. Well, except Pandora, but everyone loves Pandora! I'm a Gryffindor, she's going to hate me. I don't want her to hate me, Reg. She's like your sister. This is- it's important. I need her to like me. Give me something to talk to her about," James rants and Regulus watches him, feeling endeared by his anxiety.
"Narcissa loves Quidditch. She was Seeker for the Slytherin team when she was at school. Maybe you could ask her about it," Regulus suggests.
"That's a great idea. Thanks, Reg," James says, taking a careful sip of his milkshake. He hasn't had a brain freeze since Monday, thank Merlin. He was so dramatic when he had it before.
They finish their milkshakes and then start their journey back to Regulus' tent. He realises, when they are almost there, how nervous he is. James is a very good friend of his, but it's also a new friendship. He knows Narcissa is lovely, but he also knows she is capable of being mean, not that she would be to a child. Still, James was right, he is a Gryffindor.
He fiddles anxiously with his rings, only stopping when James notices and loops their pinkies together, dragging his left hand away from his right.
When they arrive at the tent, Regulus stops outside of it and turns to James. "Don't mention anything about how I don't get along with your other friends, okay? Just... I don't want her to think that this-" he gestures between himself and James "-is a bad idea. Not that she would, but still. Pretend we've been friends all along, okay?"
"I don't need to pretend," James shrugs, "I've always counted you as my friend."
Regulus is oddly touched by this and has to turn away from James, so he doesn't show too many emotions at once. He clears his throat and enters the tent, finding Narcissa sitting on one of the couches with Nicholas in her lap. She's reading something to him and Nicholas keeps babbling and tapping the book with his pudgy hand. Regulus smiles fondly at him.
James follows in after him, but Narcissa doesn't notice at first.
"Hey, Regulus. When do you want to-" She glances up and spots James. "Oh. Who is this?"
"This is James," Regulus starts, cautious. "He's a friend... from Hogwarts."
"James?" Narcissa's eyebrows bend down in obvious bepuzzlement. Regulus always sends her letters about his friends and not once has he ever mentioned a James.
"James Potter," James introduces himself, stepping forward and holding out a hand. "It's lovely to finally make your acquaintance."
"Yes, quite," Narcissa tries to match his smile but is obviously finding it difficult through her haze of confusion. "How long have you been friends with a Potter, Regulus?"
"Since first year," Regulus admits. It's sort of a lie. Technically, they were friends at the very beginning of first year, they just... weren't for the two years following that. But it's fine, they're friends now and that's all that matters.
"We only kept it a secret because Regulus' mother wouldn't like it and I didn't want to get him in trouble for being friends with me," James is quick to explain. Narcissa raises her eyebrows in surprise, apparently not having expected James to be so comfortable talking to her so soon after meeting her. "Is this Nicholas? Oh, he's just adorable. Look, Reg, he's got your eyes." James bends over and grins at Nicholas, who reaches out both hands in James' direction.
Regulus meets Narcissa's eyes over James' shoulder. He pleads desperately with her to not say anything. She smiles kindly at him and then glances back at James, the softness never leaving her face.
"Would you like to hold him?" She asks and Regulus melts.
"If you're alright with that, I'd love to," James responds ecstatically. Narcissa passes Nicholas to him and James sits beside her on the couch, resting the baby so that he's sitting on his thighs. "Hello, Nicholas. You're adorable, did you know? So cute."
Regulus moves across the room, only then realising he's been standing by the entrance of the tent this entire time. He sits down on James' other side and admires the way James easily handles Nicholas. Narcissa smiles at him from behind James' back and mouths I like him. Regulus smiles to himself and turns back to watch James and Nicholas.
Nicholas releases a shrill shriek of excitement as one of the Syrian Chasers zooms past their heads. Regulus adjusts Nicholas in his arms so he can see the game. They are sitting at the top of the stands, giving them a fantastic view of the match taking place below. So far, Syria are winning by forty points and Madagascar's Seeker has spotted the Snitch once but got distracted by a Bludger hurtling his way and ended up losing track of the little golden ball.
Regulus is wearing his Syrian Quidditch team jumper and has mini, green stars painted on each of his cheekbones. Narcissa allowed him to paint matching ones on Nicholas' face, so now they match. Nicholas is also wearing a Syrian team cap made for babies, which makes him look so adorable, Regulus feels like he might cry every time he sees it.
After almost three hours, the game finally comes to a close, Syria taking the lead. Whilst half the crowd grieve their loss, the other half howl in celebration. The crowds disperse from the stands and once Narcissa decides it will be empty enough down there that they won't get lost amongst the throng of angry and buoyant Quidditch fans, they make their way back to their tent.
The sky is black and the stars are out. Regulus points a few out to Nicholas. He tells him all about the stars his family members are named after, knowing Nicholas won't understand a word of what he's saying. Narcissa watches them fondly from beside him. Neither of them even see James coming.
He crashes into Regulus inelegantly but not so harshly that he disturbs Nicholas whose head has begun to fall against Regulus' shoulder. James' arms wrap around his waist, he lifts Regulus off the ground - whilst chanting We won! We won! - and does a little spin before putting him back down. Regulus, admittedly a bit ruffled, glares at James for being so raucous in public.
"You do realise we didn't actually win, right? Syria did," Regulus points out.
"Yes, but we were both rooting for their team. So, therefore, we won," James explains, talking much quieter now that he's realised Nicholas is asleep on Regulus' shoulder. He turns to Narcissa and positively beams at her. "Hello, Narcissa. It's nice to see you again."
"I must say the same," Narcissa chuckles, sending Regulus a suggestive look. "I've never seen Regulus hug any of his friends before. Well, except for that hyper child. What was his name again, Regulus?"
"Hyper- Oh! Barty? Yes, well... Barty has no sense of personal space," Regulus confirms with a short nod.
"Nor hygiene, as far as I could tell," Narcissa quips. Much to their surprise, James busts out laughing. Narcissa and Regulus both turn to stare at him.
"Sorry, it's just... I can tell where Regulus got his... charm from," James says with a laugh. "Anyway, I should probably go and find my mum. I sort of ran off and she's probably looking for me. I'll see you at school, Reg?"
"Yeah," Regulus agrees and they share a significant look which roughly translates to: they will both be on the Astronomy tower on the first night back at Hogwarts.
"Once again, it was great to finally meet you, Narcissa," James speaks delectably, reaching out to grab Narcissa's hand. He presses a respectable kiss to her knuckles and Regulus has to bite down on his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing at the display. James winks at him before rushing back off into the crowd.
"I have to admit, your friends are all very interesting," Narcissa smirks.
Regulus grimaces. "You're not going to judge me for being friends with a Gryffindor then?"
"No. Why would I?" Narcissa tilts her head in confusion. "Priscilla was a Gryffindor, so that would make me a hypocrite if I did."
"You're friends with a Gryffindor?" Regulus gasps.
"Well, we're not in school anymore, so it doesn't really matter, does it?" Narcissa shrugs. "Besides, I don't care if someone was in Hufflepuff, so long as I like them. James seems like a good friend for you. I like him."
A grin breaks out across Regulus' face that he doesn't even bother to hide. "Really?"
"Definitely," she nods seriously. "He might even be my favourite. I can tell he's yours."
"What?" Regulus says a bit too loudly, immediately regretting it when Nicholas begins to stir. He starts rocking the baby back on forth in his arms until his head begins to droop again. "What do you mean he's my favourite? That isn't true."
"Yes, it is."
"Show me how," Regulus retorts petulantly.
"Okay, firstly, you let him call you Reg. You hate nicknames. You've written to me loads of times about how you only tolerate it when Pandora calls you Reggie, but if anyone else calls you something other than Regulus you threaten to hex them. Even your own friends." She raises her eyebrows as if this proves her point. "Secondly, you didn't flinch when he hugged you. And thirdly, he makes you smile."
"I smile around my other friends," Regulus argues in a whisper.
"Not in the way you do when you're around James, you don't. I've never seen you smile like that before."
Regulus frowns and directs his attention to the ground. It isn't true, is it? James isn't his favourite friend. Sure, they agreed to be best friends once, but that was years ago. They were only eleven back then, so much has happened since that time. Plus, Regulus loves and appreciates all of his other friends so much. How could he possibly choose a favourite? It would be an impossible task.
And yet.
And yet.
Regulus fears Narcissa may be right.
***
Saturday - 22nd June, 1974
Sirius
Sirius jumps out of bed just as the sun rises over the sea, staining the walls of his bedroom gold. He picks up an outfit off the floor, whatever he shrugged off last night before crawling into bed. He cleans his teeth quietly, not wanting to wake the rest of the house up. Before going downstairs, he peaks his head through the door of his parents' room, finding them both asleep. Dora is awake and stares up at him. She grins toothlessly and her hair turns black, identical to Sirius'. He walks over to her cot, picking her up soundlessly and carrying her down to the living room. He changes her nappy and then takes her through to the kitchen, settling her in her high chair and preparing her breakfast. There's a bottle of her milk waiting in the fridge, which Sirius heats up on the stove, checking the temperature is appropriate before feeding it to her.
His dad enters the kitchen just as Dora finishes the bottle and Sirius lets him take over. He's got somewhere to be. Saying a quick good morning and grabbing a granola bar from the cupboard for breakfast, Sirius rushes down to the shop, pulls on his flip-flops, and then hurries out the front door.
Mo is already untangling nets when Sirius arrives at the docks. He earns an impressed smile for being there on time. Mo hands him some used angles to clean, he doesn't even grimace at the sight of fish skin and blood hanging off the hooks, instantly working hard to complete his task. As they work side-by-side, Mo asks Sirius about what he's collected recently from the sea, already aware of Sirius' accumulation of trinkets and shells he's discovered resting on the seabed. He tells Mo about the rusty, old-fashioned telescope he found just yesterday. There were initials carved into the side of it, C. C., written in a curly scrawl.
Sirius spends almost two hours out there helping Mo, just as he has every Saturday since returning from Hogwarts. Mo dismisses him when the sun is halfway up the sky, blasting down hot air that has Sirius' hair sticking to the back of his neck. He ties it up into a bun on his walk back home. He stops by the supermarket, picking up a carton of apple juice after realising earlier that they were almost out.
His dad is at the till, serving a couple of customers, when Sirius walks through the front door. They share a quick nod and then Sirius is kicking off his shoes and running up the stairs of the tower. He stops by the kitchen first, placing the apple juice in the door of the fridge. His mum almost crashes into him when he's entering the bathroom.
"Oh, there you are-" Andy's smile drops as she looks down at Sirius. "God, you stink. Have a shower."
"That was my plan," Sirius raises an eyebrow, pointing at the bathroom. He squeezes past his mum and closes the bathroom door behind himself. Calling through the door, "Good morning to you, too." He turns on the shower, blocking out any response his mum could have said through the door.
Sirius doesn't spend very long in the shower, enough time to get the fish smell off him. He goes up to his bedroom to get changed, eyeing the packed bag in the corner of his room frenetically. Grabbing a hairband, he chucks his hair back up into it's usual bun and makes his way back down to the shop. He puts his cleanest-looking trainers on before entering the shop. Sirius has been taking shifts all summer, since his parents finally deemed him old and responsible enough to handle it. So, he's earned an income this summer and has been saving up for his trip to Wales, which is today, by the way. Didn't he mention? Well, he's really excited about it. He gets to see Remus today!
He writes down what time he's clocked in for his shift on the chalkboard behind the front desk. Ted is across the shop with a customer at the moment, so Sirius takes till duty. He sits on the stool behind the desk and rearranges the trinkets displayed upon it so they're in size order.
When the bell above the front door rings, Sirius glances up with a friendly smile, expecting to see their next customer. Instead, he finds Xeno in the doorway, waving at him. Sirius' grin widens at the sight of his friend, he waves him over and Xeno quickly starts towards him, smiling politely at Sirius' dad, who answers with a kind nod, still busy with another customer.
"Hi, Xeno," Sirius says, hopping down from the stool and moving around the desk to stand in front of Xeno. "What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to say goodbye before you leave," Xeno explains. He bends down and looks at the trinkets Sirius rearranged. "This one is very pretty," he hums, pointing at a figurine of a dancing ballerina.
"You want it?" Sirius asks, jumping back behind the counter. "I work here now, which means my friends get a discount."
"My mum does like ballet," Xeno considers, cocking his head to the side. "Alright then, how much?"
Xeno buys the ballerina and stuffs it delicately into his colourful side-bag. They talk a bit more and Xeno assures Sirius he will be here waiting for him when he returns home. Sirius has no idea why Xeno feels the need to reassure him like that, but he knows Xeno always uses his words carefully, meaning everything he says.
He leaves when another customer makes their way over to the desk, waiting to pay for whatever bibelots they've chosen to take home.
During the boring hours of his shift, Sirius can't stop thinking about the leaf still glued to the roof of his mouth. He's received letters over the last three weeks from Peter, James and even Lily, all explaining how their leaves haven't fallen out of their mouths so far, but they've all had a tricky time with eating. Sirius has been finding it most difficult to brush his teeth, afraid he might dislodge the semi-permanent sticking charm.
His shift ends just before four o'clock in the afternoon. Sirius helps his dad sweep the floor before he ambles back up the stairs to his bedroom. As he passes the first floor, his mum calls for him. Sighing, Sirius follows her voice through to the kitchen. Dora is sitting in her chair, so Sirius picks her up and rests her on his hip, grinning down at her cute, little face.
"Are you having dinner before you leave?" His mum asks from across the room, where she is placing a tray adorning pies in the oven.
"No, I think Remus said we were going out for dinner tonight," Sirius replies. He tickles Dora who lets out the most adorable, shrill laugh Sirius has ever heard. Her hair is bright pink at the moment, a personal favourite of hers, Sirius thinks.
"Ooh, that sounds fancy," Andy jokes. "What time do you think you'll be leaving?"
"About half an hour," Sirius says. "I'm going to have another shower. I smell dusty."
"Does dust smell?"
"I don't know," Sirius shrugs, putting Dora back in her chair. She frowns as he walks over to the doorway. "I'll meet you guys in the living room in half an hour," he calls behind him as he leaves the kitchen.
Sirius goes up to his bedroom to grab a fresh set of clothes and then has his second shower of the day. He uses his mum's hairdryer to dry his hair, watching as the curls slowly twist themselves back to life. He decides he'll wear it down for now. Last week, his dad cut it for him, so now it only reaches to the bottom of his ears. It suits him like this, he thinks. Still, he misses how long it was and can't wait until it grows out again.
He grabs his bag from his room and takes the steps down to the living room two at a time. His dad is there, already waiting for him, and pulls him into a warm hug. Ted asks Sirius if he's got everything, makes him double check that he's got his toothbrush. Sirius rolls his eyes but really he doesn't mind it. His mum walks in with Dora in her arms and Sirius lights up at the sight of his little sister. She reaches her arms out for him to take her, so he does. He gives her a hug and tells her he will be back in a week. His mum hugs him goodbye and then Sirius passes Dora to her. Dora, whose massive eyes fill up with bright tears, cries when Sirius disappears through the fireplace.
There's a pang of guilt in his heart for leaving her, but it soon disappears as the living room of Lupin Cottage appears in front of him. Remus is waiting right in front of the fireplace and grins when Sirius steps through the grate. His heart picks up immediately at the sight of Remus, clad in a winter jumper because he's a psycho, and blue jeans. He takes Sirius' bag from him and places it to the side. Sirius takes this as his sign to jump forward and wrap his arms around Remus' shoulders.
"Have you grown again ?" Sirius huffs, finding it more difficult to reach Remus than he had at the end of term. It's only been three weeks, what are they feeding this kid?
"It's possible," Remus chuckles, looping his arms around Sirius. "Hey," he pushes Sirius back slightly, much to his disappointment. Remus' eyebrows twitch and his lips quirk into a small smile. He reaches up a hand and feels the tips of Sirius' hair. "You cut your hair?"
"Oh, yeah," Sirius backs up a bit, self-consciously bringing a hand to his head. "Does it look bad?"
"No! No," Remus says loudly, startling Sirius a bit. "Sorry. It's- I mean, you look- It's nice. It suits you."
Sirius smiles at the way Remus' cheeks flush red with embarrassment at his blabbering. Remus sighs and runs a hand down his face.
"Fucked that up, didn't I?" Remus chuckles.
"Thank you," Sirius responds. "And yes, you did fuck it up a bit. Where are your parents?"
"Mum's at the bakery, she should be back any minute. Dad's helping the neighbours clean out their attic." He picks up Sirius' bag. "Would you like a tour?"
"Yes," Sirius replies enthusiastically.
Remus shows him the living room properly and then takes him through to the kitchen. It reminds Sirius a bit of the cottage from Snow White. He wonders briefly if Remus has seen that movie. He remembers how he had to explain the entire thing to Marlene, who didn't get most of it, being a Pureblood Witch and not having had much interaction with the Muggle world, or their films.
Remus takes him upstairs and shows him where the bathroom is, points to the door to his parents' bedroom, which they don't enter out of respect for their boundaries. Then, finally, Remus shows Sirius his own bedroom.
"There's an airbed I can sleep on if you don't want to share the bed," Remus explains, putting Sirius' bag down in the corner of the room. Sirius' eyes scan over the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf Remus has, it's overflowing with books. There's a large, open wardrobe on the other side of the room, displaying all of Remus' clothes, mostly woolly jumpers. There's a small desk in the corner of the room and a window on the other side. Then, in the middle of the room lies a double bed. Big enough for both of them. To sleep there. Together. "I don't mind sharing," Remus says, bringing Sirius back to the present. "It's up to you."
"Oh, erm," Sirius bites the inside of his cheek anxiously, pleading with his body not to blush. Not now. Please. "I don't mind. At all." Okay, that's enough words. You don't need to say anything else. Stop talking. You'll give yourself away. Christ, I'm so gone.
"Okay," Remus nods. "Come on, tour's not over. I've still got to show you the stables yet."
"I forgot you have horses," Sirius grins. "Isn't one called Banister or something?"
"Carpet," Remus mumbles, obviously embarrassed.
"That's adorable."
"Shut up."
"Never."
Remus takes him out to the stables where Sirius meets Sprinkles, Lolly, Pippa, and the famous Carpet. Afterwards, Remus takes him out to the field behind his house. They walk around the outskirts of it, not wanting to crush any of the crops. Sirius isn't sure where they are going until they reach the forest.
"You can climb trees, right?" Remus asks over his shoulder. His hair blows in the wind and Sirius watches it. It's blonder now that it's summer, glowing golden like a Snitch.
Sirius huffs, offended. "What do you take me for? An amateur?"
"You're right," Remus responds, just as dramatically. "I am so sorry. How dare I even ask?"
"Which one are we climbing then?" Sirius stops walking and places his hands on his hips.
"This one," Remus points to a tree to their left and, without warning, jumps to grab the branch above him. Sirius watches as Remus pulls himself up and swings himself upwards, gripping the branch with his legs. He hauls himself around, so he's sitting on it, his legs swinging back and forth through the air. He smirks down at Sirius. "Come on then. Give it a go."
Sirius has to blink and then swallow because his throat is suddenly very dry. What the fuck is Remus doing to him? Honestly, just rude at this point. How can he be so... just ugh. He's fucking beautiful. Sirius has said it to him before, but that was before he ever even knew he liked Remus. He told him his scars were beautiful and he stands by those words because they're true. Every part of Remus Lupin is beautiful, scars and all.
How is Sirius supposed to top that? He's just going to embarrass himself.
He approaches the tree and glares at it as if it's personally offended him. How dare it not adapt itself to suit his small height?
Sirius rests his foot on a hollow part of the tree and drags himself up. He grips onto the branch above him, stepping expertly up the tree as he does so. He puts his foot on the branch and then clutches the larger one above. Twirling on his feet, he walks along the lower branch, releasing the one above, and balances as he tiptoes to the end of it and then plops himself down gracefully.
Remus sends him an approving look. Sirius smiles smugly.
"What now?" Sirius asks.
Remus leans himself back against the trunk of the tree, resting his hands behind the back of his head. Sirius doesn't miss the way his jumper rides up, revealing a slither of the boy's skin. Sirius has to look away.
"What have you been up to then?" Remus murmurs.
"Not a lot," Sirius admits, staring down at the branch. He runs his finger along the bark. "I have a job now. Been working in the shop."
"I wish I had a job," Remus complains. "I could use the money."
"Revel in your freedom, Moony," Sirius speaks. "Money is nice, but working is the most boring thing in the world."
"I guess." Remus groans, drawing Sirius' attention. He sits up and stares at Sirius in that wary way that warns Sirius he is about to ask him about something serious. "How have things been at home?"
"Fine. Normal," Sirius shrugs, avoiding Remus' eyes. "Dora is growing very fast."
Remus smiles. "I can't wait to meet her."
"Things at home... they're alright. They would be better if I wasn't so-" Sirius cuts himself off. He doesn't know how to explain what he's thinking. If he didn't feel what he does, things at home wouldn't be so tense sometimes. He wishes he could just be okay with it, but every time he thinks about the lie he feels sick. "I'm the problem. Things are tense because of me."
In a move Sirius doesn't see coming, Remus stands up on his branch and hops over to Sirius'. He walks along it until he's right in front of Sirius and then lowers himself to sitting.
"Don't ever say that, Sirius," Remus demands sternly. "You aren't the problem. You're just a person who has feelings, as you should. It's normal for you to feel this way. It's a difficult situation from all perspectives. Let yourself feel what you need to feel and eventually it will get easier."
"You aren't very good at taking your own advice, you know," Sirius mumbles.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You're telling me not to think little of myself for a situation beyond my control, when you do exactly that every day," Sirius responds softly. He meets Remus' brown eyes with his own. "It's sad because you're the best person I know and I think you're your least favourite person."
"This isn't supposed to be about me," Remus whispers. "We were talking about you."
"Like you said, I need time to feel what I need to feel. You, Remus, you've had time. Everyone around you loves you so much and you still don't love yourself."
"Who does love their self?" Remus counters.
Sirius smirks. "Mary is pretty fond of herself."
"That's because she's amazing."
"Yes, well, so are you," Sirius says sincerely. "Maybe, whilst we can't see what's good about ourselves, we do it for each other instead, yeah? So, like, I tell you how great you are whenever you're having a bad day and you do the same for me."
"Alright," Remus nods. "Let's do that."
Sirius beams at him.
Hope and Lyall greet him warmly when they return to the cottage. Then, Remus and Sirius are bossed up the stairs by Hope, who tells them to put something nice on for dinner.
Sirius, who only really owns swimming trunks (which he uses as shorts) and jeans he's had since he was nine, ends up having to borrow some of Remus' clothes. He throws on a pair of Remus' jeans and has to roll them up three times so they fit. Remus passes him one of his jumpers, which is also too big and falls almost a foot past Sirius' fingers.
Seeing this, Remus chuckles. "Come here."
Sirius walks across the room to where Remus is standing. He is wearing brown corduroys and a green woolly jumper. There's the white collar of a shirt peaking out over the rim of his jumper, making him look a bit like Sirius' year five English teacher from the Muggle primary school he attended before ever going to Hogwarts.
Remus rolls up the sleeves a couple of times for him, so they sit just over Sirius' wrists instead. He can't stop himself from glancing up at Remus' face as he focuses. His eyes are darker under the dim light cracking through his bedroom windows. Freckles decorate his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, more prominent thanks to the summer sun. Sirius wants to count them, to be the only person who knows how many freckles Remus has. His skin has darkened, too, still lighter than James' but close to it.
With the chance to look so close, Sirius notices things about Remus he never has before. Like how he has very long eyelashes that curl naturally like they're reaching up to touch his eyelids. His cheeks are slightly pink, probably because he's wearing layers in the middle of summer. There are faint, wispy hairs sprouting out above Remus' top lip. Sirius admires him. He's so beautiful.
"Are you alright?" Remus' eyes jump up to meet Sirius', startling him.
"Yeah, why?" His voice comes out croaky.
"Your heart is racing," Remus smiles.
"Just a bit hot," Sirius answers. He can feel his pulse thundering in his wrist, the one Remus is touching. "Because of the jumper."
"The place we're going to has good air-conditioning, so you'll be grateful you layered up." Remus finishes with his sleeves and gently drops Sirius' hand.
"Should we get going?"
"Yeah, let's go."
They walk to the restaurant, it's only a couple of streets away. When they pass a Church, Sirius remembers something Peter once told him and James. Remus used to be a part of the Church choir. Sirius wonders if he's a Christian or a Catholic? Or maybe neither. The sun slowly sinks behind the Church, illuminating the colourful windows depicting different religious stories.
"Do you still go to Church?" Sirius asks Remus. Hope and Lyall are walking a short distance behind them. Sirius can hear them speaking every now and then, when their voices are carried through the air.
"Only at Christmas and Easter," Remus says, resting his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. "My mam gets upset if I don't at least go then, so I do. I don't... I'm an atheist. I used to believe in God, but after everything that happened- I don't know. I just don't believe in the concept anymore, I suppose."
"That's fair." They turn a corner onto another road, it's brighter than the one they had just been walking along, street lights shine down on them from above. "I don't think I've ever believed in God. Even if I ever did, I definitely wouldn't now."
"Why not?" Remus questions, holding his hand out to Sirius who is now attempting to balance walking along the curb of the path. He takes Remus' hand in his, feeling the calloused skin of Remus' hand brush along his palm.
"No worthy God would allow a little boy to be violated in the way you were," he says, feeling as Remus' hand tightens a bit around his. "If God exists, he can go rule over some other universe because I don't want him."
"Would it be contradictory of me if I told you I believed in angels?"
Sirius turns to gaze at Remus, who is already looking his way. "No. Angels are connotated with heaven, but I don't think they necessarily have to be a staple of religion. I'd say Christianity and Catholicism comes only with angels, but angels don't have to come with them in turn."
"Do you believe in angels, Sirius?"
Sirius tilts his head to the side slightly as he thinks. "I don't believe in angels with haloes and wings, but I think people can be angels. Like, real angels."
"People?" Remus prods.
"Yes, Remus, people." He jumps off the curb and back onto the concrete path, not releasing Remus' hand. "You're an angel. To me."
"How am I an angel?"
"You watch over everyone," Sirius explains, feeling as a smile curls his lips. "James trusted you first with his secret. You're the only person who I've told mine to." He doesn't count Xeno, who already knew before Sirius got the chance to tell him. "Plus, everyone trusts you with the parts of themselves they want to forget about. Peter, Lily, Azalia, James and me. You've got all our ugly secrets."
"If that's what makes someone an angel, then you're one, too," Remus whispers. Sirius brushes his thumb over Remus' index finger, earning him a smile.
When they arrive at the restaurant, the waitress comes over to take their orders almost immediately. Apparently, she's a friend of Hope's. Sirius orders a simple burger and chips, whilst Remus and his father get some type of curry, and Hope orders a carbonara. They get a jug of lemonade for the table, as well as some water. Remus' parents ask Sirius how his summer has been so far and he tells them all about his sister and the shop.
Hope asks after Andy and Ted, so Sirius spends a significant amount of time explaining how they have been holding up with a new born in the house. Lyall brings up the subject of school and Remus mentions Sirius got the highest marks in the year, tying with Barty Crouch Junior, who Sirius had been surprised to discover is actually scarily smart. Sirius blushes under the attention and brings up how Remus got higher marks than he did in Potions and Herbology.
When Sirius brings up Divination, Lyall playfully rolls his eyes at the same time Remus does, whilst Hope sounds intrigued by the subject. Sirius spends the next half an hour explaining how tea leaves work, which leads to Hope ordering a cup of chamomile tea and then getting Sirius to read her tea leaves.
"I see a fish," Sirius murmurs, turning the cup in his hands and squinting to get a better look. "I think it's a goldfish."
"What does that mean?" Hope asks eagerly. Remus scoffs.
Ignoring his friend, Sirius says, "I think it has something to do with memory. It means you're a forgetful person."
"Well, that makes a lot of sense actually," Lyall comments, nodding slowly. Hope tuts and lightly smacks his shoulder. "What? You have to write things down on the pad stuck to the fridge so you don't forget them."
"Everyone does that," Hope argues.
"They don't," Remus shakes his head, laughing. Hope narrows her eyes at him jokingly. "I mean, oh, yeah, totally. Everyone does that, mam. Mhm."
"Suddenly, I don't like Divination anymore," Hope announces. "Sorry, Sirius."
"That's okay," he shrugs. "It isn't for everyone. I'm pretty sure Peter's said he was going to die and he's still alive. It isn't an exact science."
"That's morbid," Lyall frowns. "They would be better off offering worthy subjects. Something like medicine or something creative. Divination has been going out of style since before I went to Hogwarts."
Eventually, the conversation moves from school over to what they will be doing for the next week. Remus says he is going to introduce Sirius to his friends tomorrow. Sirius is excited to get to know Remus' other friends, but he's also not looking forward to finding out who Marie is. In his head, she's a faceless girl who barely exists. Meeting her will only make him realise how truly real she is. The girl Remus is slowly falling for. The girl who likes him back. They've known each other for longer, too.
"Felix has an obsession with the cinema," Remus explains, "so we might be dragged along at some point. Cara looks like the meanest person in the world, but she can actually be really sweet. She'll like that you can speak some Welsh."
"You speak Welsh?" Lyall cuts in, staring at Sirius, impressed.
"Remus has been teaching me for about two and a half years, so I know a bit," Sirius admits bashfully. "Mae'r bwyd hwn yn anhygoel. Efallai y bydd yn rhaid i mi ddod i Gymru yn amlach."
The three Lupins stare at him with shocked expressions, even Remus who should have seen that coming because he's the person who has been teaching Sirius the language since first year.
"Did I pronounce something wrong? Sorry, I-"
"That was brilliant," Remus interrupts him. "I didn't teach you some of those words and you formulated the sentences correctly..."
"I found a book in the library and read up a bit on the language," Sirius shrugs. Remus is watching him with admiration and it's making him feel shy.
"Do you speak any other languages, Sirius?" Hope asks, dragging Sirius' attention away from Remus.
"Just French. My mum's been teaching me my entire life because her mother was French," Sirius answers. "I know more French than I do Welsh. I'm not sure I'd completely understand what you were saying if you spoke to me in Welsh."
"A very talented, young man," Lyall speaks, giving Sirius a nod of approval and then a wink. Sirius blinks.
They finish dinner and don't bother ordering dessert. Hope says they can stop by her bakery on the way back to Remus' house. They do and Remus scoffs down three chocolate donuts, whilst Sirius watches him with wide eyes, nibbling slowly on a raspberry jam-filled croissant.
It's late when they make it back and Sirius is dead on his feet. Remus tells his parents they are going to head off to bed. Lyall wishes them good night from his arm chair. Hope comes over to them and hugs them both, leaving a kiss on Sirius' forehead.
Remus' bedroom is drenched with shadows when they open the door. Sirius flicks the light on and winces at the brightness of it. The moon shines in the sky, a waxing crescent that slithers across the dark sky like a celestial snake. Remus moves over to the window and pulls down the blind, making sure the windows are locked first.
They both get changed into their pyjamas - Sirius leaves the clothes Remus allowed him to borrow in a folded pile on his desk - and then settle into bed. Sirius is the second one of them to lie down, leaving a substantial amount of room between them so that Remus isn't uncomfortable. Remus rolls onto his side and Sirius does the same. They fall asleep like that, facing each other, but leaving enough room between them for another person to fit.
Sunday - 23rd June, 1974
The first thing Sirius notices when he wakes up is that there is something very heavy on top of him. He tilts his head to look down and gets a face full of hair. Squinting his eyes open, Sirius smiles when he sees Remus' head lying on his chest. His mouth is slightly agape and his eyelashes flutter like he's dreaming. One of Remus' arms has been tossed over Sirius and is dangling over the other side of the bed.
Not knowing what to do, Sirius raises the arm that isn't pinned down by Remus' and rests it gently on Remus' head, bringing his fingers through his curls. He closes his eyes and relishes the peaceful calm that comes with being so close to Remus.
It isn't long before Remus wakes up, too. He grumbles and smacks his lips together a couple of times. Sirius opens his eyes and looks down at the same time Remus blinks his eyes open and glances up at Sirius.
"Morning," Sirius smirks, amused.
"Sorry," Remus mumbles, rolling off Sirius and lying down on the other side of the bed. Sirius doesn't let it show on his face how disappointed he is by this new development. "How long have you been awake?"
"About ten minutes," Sirius responds honestly.
"You could have woken me up."
"I didn't mind. You're warm." Was that a weird thing to say? He doesn't think so. Sirius has said the same thing to James before when they've woken up in similar positions and he doesn't fancy James. He sits up in the bed and grimaces when his stomach grumbles.
Remus snorts. "You want to go and get breakfast?"
"Are you hungry yet?"
"I'm always hungry, Sirius," Remus says as he crawls out of bed. His hair is flat on one side, making it spike up at the back in a similar way to how James' hair stands naturally. Sirius doesn't point it out, wanting to see how long it takes for Remus to realise it.
They head down to the kitchen where Remus' mum is already cooking eggs on the hob. She smiles as she notices them ambling down and offers to make them breakfast. Soon, there's a plate of hot, scrambled eggs on Sirius' plate, along with a buttered slice of toast and some apple slices. Remus has Nutella spread on his toast and, instead of eggs, has a croissant.
Once they've eaten their breakfast, they get ready for the day, brushing their teeth and changing into fresh clothes. Sirius wears a pair of denim shorts and chucks a purple t-shirt on. Queen's Freddie Mercury cuts along the front of the shirt, microphone in his hand held up to his mouth. Remus wears his usual outfit, a jumper and jeans.
They spend the next hour watching the first half of Disney's Peter Pan until they are interrupted by a knock at the door. Remus jumps up from his seat and stares down the hallway at the door. He looks nervous, Sirius realises. He stands up, too, and moves to Remus' side.
"Is it your friends?"
"Probably," Remus nods. He looks at Sirius and smiles. "Come on. They're going to love you."
"Well, duh," Sirius flicks his fringe out of his face. "I am very lovable."
"Oh, you know what. Forget what I said about Cara, she is going to walk all over you."
"You mean that metaphorically, right, Remus?" Sirius laughs. When Remus doesn't answer him, he stops. "Remus?"
"It depends what sort of mood she's in," Remus utters, pulling Sirius towards the door. Sirius, worried, follows Remus.
The moment Remus opens the door, a girl with blonde hair walks into the house before Remus even invites her in. She pushes Remus to the side and grins widely at Sirius.
"Hello!" She smiles brightly. "I have heard so much about you. It's great to finally meet you. I'm Marie."
Sirius, who had until then been smiling too, feels his heart sink into his stomach. Because if this is Marie then Sirius doesn't stand a chance. Not that he did before he ever saw her. Still. At least before he could pretend. Now, he knows his competition. Marie is one of the prettiest girls he has ever seen. Her hair is naturally blonde and falls like a waterfall down her back. Her blue eyes glow like sapphires and are full of so much kindness. She's wearing denim shorts, not knee-length like Sirius', and a pink, cropped top with the words With God, all things are possible written on it in white cursive.
She's holding her hand out to him expectantly, so Sirius takes it. The girl hasn't actually done anything wrong. It isn't her fault she fancies a boy. Sirius does, too, and he doesn't see Marie complaining about it. Not that she knows.
"I've heard many, many things about you, too," Sirius emphasises this with a wide grin. "I'm Sirius."
"Are you the one who speaks Welsh?" Another girl steps forward, pretty much pushing Marie out the way. Sirius can't help but be grateful because Marie finally drops his hand and steps aside. The girl in front of him now must be Cara. Her hair is as dark as his and swoops over her shoulders gracefully. She's wearing a leather jacket over a white vest and a pair of dark, denim shorts.
"Cara?" Sirius asks.
"Oes. Sirius wyt ti." Cara narrows her eyes.
Sirius takes Cara's hand in his. "Sirius Tonks. Braf cwrdd â chi, annwyl." Sirius winks. He sees Remus bury his face in his hands out the corner of his eye.
"Nice," Cara regards him and smirks. "I like him. That's Hugo and that's Felix," Cara points out the two other boys who are standing with Remus and Marie. He tries to ignore how close Remus and Marie are standing beside each other.
"Hey," he nods in their direction and earns hellos back.
"Are you guys busy or do you want to come to the pictures with us?" Marie asks, pushing away from the wall and coming over to stand next to Sirius.
"It depends what movie you're going to see. I'm not watching anymore ape movies," Remus states sternly. "That was the most confusing experience of my life."
"There's one called Swallows and Amazons that Felix says should be good," Hugo responds with a shrug. "Of course, that means it could still be terrible."
"Excuse me," Felix calls.
"You're excused," Cara says. "It's the only movie we can watch without having to sneak in."
"I don't mind what we do," Sirius announces, turning to Remus.
"Okay, then," Remus nods.
They slip their shoes on and Remus writes a note on the notebook clipped to the fridge to let his parents know where they've gone. Sirius purposefully walks between Cara and Hugo on the way to the cinema. Marie keeps asking him questions and he is friendly enough, but he can't stop himself from feeling a stab of envy every time he looks at her. Of course, Remus would like someone like her. She looks like the classic popular girl in a Muggle high school.
When they get to the cinema, they purchase their tickets. Sirius buys one for himself and Remus, insisting because he has money he's saved up from taking shifts at the shop. The movie ends up being about a group of kids on holiday who sail to an island and find another group of children, of whom they start a war with.
Sirius leaves the film feeling very dirty. He turns to look at Remus, who looks just as violated.
"Well, that was..." Felix begins.
"Very terrible," Marie finishes.
Felix winces. "I didn't know it was going to be..."
"Racist," Cara turns to glare at him. "That movie is a hate crime and every copy of it should be burnt."
"It was also incredibly sexist," Sirius points out. "I think I need a shower."
"Ditto," Hugo calls out.
"If you want, we can go and watch a movie at my house to remove that atrocity from our minds for all of eternity," Marie offers. There's murmurs of agreement from everyone, so Sirius follows along.
Marie's house is much bigger than Remus'. Her room is at the top of the house, just like Sirius' is back home. It looks exactly as he expected it to. It's got light yellow walls and pink curtains with a matching frilly duvet on her bed. There's a doll in the corner of the room that watches Sirius as he moves around the place. There are pictures hung up on one of the walls, all of Marie and her friends. None of siblings or her parents, which makes Sirius think she either doesn't like her family or she is an only child. The only unexpected thing in her room is a massive poster of Robert Redford posing for his new film The Great Gatsby.
"There's a television in the living room, but we have to wait an hour until my mum's meeting is finished so we don't disturb her," Marie explains to Sirius who just nods in response. Remus sits down beside Marie on her bed and they fall into a quiet conversation. Sirius turns away and finds Hugo watching him.
"Hey."
"Hey," Hugo nods. "Can I ask a very random question?"
"Definitely," Sirius grins, moving closer.
"Do you think Remus likes Marie back? No one will tell me," Hugo whispers. Sirius almost groans. Why does this have to be the thing everyone is talking about nowadays? First at Hogwarts, and now here. Sirius has come to a whole new country and still, he can't escape it.
"I'm not supposed to talk about it," Sirius says just as quietly. "It's pretty obvious though, isn't it?" Bitterly, he points towards Marie's bed where Remus and Marie are playfighting.
"What are you guys talking about?" Felix asks, coming out of nowhere and making Sirius jump.
"Nothing," he and Hugo mutter at the same time.
"What does your name mean?" Cara questions from behind him, also appearing out of nowhere. Seriously, are these people ghosts ?
"I was named after a star."
"That's a bit pretentious," Cara folds her arms over her chest.
"Yes, well, my parents were pretentious people."
"Were?"
"Are," Sirius corrects. He almost just accidentally admitted he's adopted to these strangers when he hasn't even told his friends yet. Remus is still the only person who knows. Sirius doesn't think he ever wants to tell anyone else, if he's being honest. That would make it a thing and he just wants to forget about it.
"Oh, I thought you were going to say your parents are dead," Cara says monotonously.
Sirius frowns. "What? No."
"Don't sound so surprised, it happens," she enounces. "I live with my aunt and uncle. Before you start saying you're sorry and feeling bad for me. Don't. Anyway, what I really came over here to say was you shouldn't talk about Remus and Marie behind their backs. It's up to them what they decide to do or not do with each other."
"To be fair, Sirius did say that," Hugo points out. "I was the one being nosy."
"Well, stop. It might never happen if they hear you guys talking about it," Cara snaps.
Felix moves over to stand by her side, resting his arm against the wall above her head. Sirius remembers a conversation he had with James back at Hogwarts about how he's waiting for Cara and Felix to finally admit their feelings for each other. It's so obvious, even from Sirius' perspective, and he's only known them for a few hours.
"Don't be mean," Felix murmurs and Cara visibly softens slightly. "You don't want to scare Sirius off, do you?"
"No," Cara mumbles. She turns to Sirius. "Look, it isn't you. Remus actually has really great friends, from what I've seen so far anyway. I've just been waiting for them both to realise this for so many painful years and I don't want anything to ruin it."
"That's fair enough," Hugo nods.
"Believe me, I don't want to talk about it anyway," Sirius admits. "Trust me, I've heard enough from Lily to last several lifetimes."
"Lily?" Hugo asks.
"One of our friends from Hogwarts," Sirius explains. "She came to visit a couple of Christmases ago."
"Oh, right. Yeah, I heard about her. Sorry, I only moved here a year ago. You're the only one I've met."
"The best one," Sirius smirks obsequiously.
When Marie's mum is finally done with her meeting, the teenagers make their way down to the living room. Mrs Carmichael offers them some cookies she baked earlier and they all eagerly grab as much as they can carry. In the end, they watch a film called Vertigo. Sirius has never heard about it before, which apparently scandalises both Remus and Felix, who both proclaim it's a cinematic masterpiece.
Sirius just snorts at their dramatics, earning him a congenial smile from Cara.
It's another odd movie, only this one isn't racist (thank Merlin), but it is still a bit sexist. Honestly, the Muggle world need to make better movies. Sirius is already confused by the time they are forty-five minutes in.
Cara, who is sitting beside him, leans close to whisper something to him. "So, which girl would you choose? Midge or Madeleine?"
"Neither. Midge gives me psycho vibes and Madeleine is a cheater, both red flags if you ask me." This gains him a chuckle from Cara. "That and they're girls."
"What do you mean?" She turns to stare at him curiously. Sirius is careful to notice the lack of judgement on her face.
"Let's just say Gavin is more my type," Sirius whispers.
Cara looks at the TV screen and then back at Sirius. "I am about to spoil the movie by telling you this, but he ends up being the bad guy."
"What?!" Sirius shouts, causing the other four people in the room to look at the two of them. "Sorry, I just found out the plot twist."
"Cara, why did you spoil it for him?" Remus groans.
Cara shrugs. "Because this movie sucks and we should watch something else."
"We're already halfway through," Hugo whines.
"Yes, well, I'm bored. Sirius probably is, too. Right, Sirius?" She elbows him right in the ribs.
"Right, yeah. So bored. Maybe we should watch a Disney film?"
"Ooh, yeah!" Felix perks up. "Have you guys seen Robin Hood ? It's so good."
Much to Hugo and Remus' dismay, they end up changing the movie to Robin Hood. Sirius didn't think he would ever say this, but he instantly starts crushing over the drawing of a fox. He wears clothes and speaks, so it's not that weird, okay? Don't judge him, he's just a boy. Besides, Cara agrees with him, so they end up whispering about how hot Robin Hood is throughout the entire thing.
Monday - 24th June, 1974
"What am I supposed to wear? All I own are beach shorts and t-shirts!"
"Yeah, well according to you, all I own are grandpa clothes. Don't ask me for fashion advice."
"How about we just don't go."
"Brilliant plan."
They stand in silence for a moment.
"No, wait. We have to go," Sirius shouts.
"If we don't, Marie will kill us," Remus agrees solemnly.
"We could ask Cara what we should wear," Sirius suggests. "Where's your phone?"
Twenty minutes later, they are waiting in Remus' kitchen for the rest of his friends to show up. Remus is wearing an orange button-down shirt over a white vest and a pair of faded jeans. Boots that look like they are made of scuff marks as opposed to leather adorn his feet. Sirius is wearing a plain white t-shirt with his leather jacket, which he'd forgotten he had packed. He had to borrow another pair of jeans from Remus, which means they are rolled up at least three times at the ankles. Luckily for him, he brought his black Converse with him.
Remus' parents think they are going over to Marie's house for a sleepover, which isn't necessarily a lie. They will crash there at the end of the night, but before then they are going to a party. As in, a Muggle high school party. With teenagers they do not know. Muggle ones. Saying he is nervous would be the understatement of the century. What if either of them get too drunk and end up talking about the Wizarding World? Worse than that, what if they accidentally perform magic?
There's a knock at the door. Remus opens it, revealing his friends all dressed up and ready for the party. Hope comes to say goodbye as they hurry out the door. Marie is wearing a blue, silk dress that hugs her skin. She's got white tights on underneath it, which Sirius thinks was a good call. Marie is a very pretty girl and this is a high school party - there are probably going to be high school idiots there, too.
Cara is wearing a black vest with red, lacy roses spiralling up the front of it and black jeans. Her boots look similar to Remus', only in much better condition. She's obviously curled her hair, since her usual hair is wavy but now it loops down like a group of black Slinkys. Felix is wearing a simple green, tartan shirt and jeans, whilst Hugo is wearing a blue hoodie and a pair of denim shorts.
As they make their way down the street to the party, Marie explains who will probably be there. Sirius has no idea who any of the people she mentions are, but Remus appears to. He groans at most of the names.
"It's Kelsie Aldrich's party. I don't know if you remember her?" Marie directs the question at Remus who nods in response. "She was a year above us in primary school. Anyway. Billy Ronson might be there because they're dating now, but don't worry. If he comes anywhere near you, we'll scare him away."
"Billy Ronson is going to be there?" Remus groans, stopping in the middle of the street. "I don't want to go."
"Come on, Lupin, don't be such a baby," Cara throws over her shoulder. "We've all been curious to see what you're like when you're drunk, and James' letters describing it do not count. Pick up your sorry arse off the floor and get a move on."
Remus pouts and Sirius' eyes widen at the sight. Usually, Sirius is the one in the group whining and pouting because he can be a bit dramatic. Apparently, in Wales, Remus is the Sirius of the group.
"She's right, Remus," Sirius says, picking up Remus' hand and dragging him forward. "I don't know who this Billy kid is, but you know that if he tries to bother you I'll do whatever he does to you to him but one million times worse."
Remus' frown slowly turns into a reluctant smile. "Fine. Let's go get drunk."
"There's no need to make it sound like such a chore," Sirius snorts, pulling Remus along. Marie is waiting for them on the pavement, smiling appreciatively at Sirius for his help.
From the outside of the house, it isn't obvious there's any illegal activity going on. The music doesn't make it past the front door and the windows are all covered by black-out blinds, showing no light from the inside at all. They walk in together as a group. Sirius walks through a cloud of smoke and tries to subdue the cough that threatens to crawl up his throat.
They all follow Marie, who appears to be the most sociable of the group as she has people coming up to her to say hi and offer her drinks. She passes some of them back to the rest of them. Eventually, Sirius is holding a red cup with something in it that smells like nail polish. He would know because earlier he let Cara paint his nails black. She told him it looked cool, so now he is going to have to purchase some nail varnish of his own and paint his nails every day.
Cara is the only one of them who doesn't drink and when Sirius asks Remus about it, he says it's because her parents died in a car accident where the other driver was drink driving. Sirius is smart enough not to mention it again, knowing it's probably a sore subject for Cara.
Some people come up to Remus and ask where he's been hiding. Old school mates, Sirius assumes. At one point, a couple of girls come up to them and Sirius only notices ten minutes through the conversation that they've been flirting with him. Remus is watching him with amused eyes. Sirius ends up telling the girls he isn't interested and runs off to find Cara. Instead, he finds Felix, who is hanging out with a couple of guys he probably knows from school. One of them is ginger and very tall, the other brunette and about the same height as Felix. Every guy Sirius has seen so far has been taller than him, which is a bit of a pride eater.
The boys all seem very fascinated by Sirius' English accent and ask him a million questions about London. Sirius explains that he lives in Cornwall, which is like an eighty-five hour walk from London and the boys all frown disappointed. After that, Sirius isn't really interested in anything else they have to say. They talk about football, which he hates. Then girls, and well, he's gay. They strike up a conversation about school and Sirius has to pretend he is also struggling with algebra. He didn't learn that in primary school, so he has no idea what it is, but it sounds difficult, so he plays along.
Felix eventually announces he's going to go and find Cara, so Sirius decides to tag along, not really interested in staying and speaking with these random Muggle boys.
They find Cara in the living room with a grumpy-looking Marie and a scolded-looking Remus. When they get close enough, Sirius realises why Marie is so upset. Well, actually, he doesn't get why per say because he one-hundred percent disagrees with her opinion, but still.
Between them, Remus and Cara are sharing a cigarette. Something that makes Sirius' blood boil in his veins. That might just be the alcohol, but he doesn't think it is. Cara blows out a plume of smoke and passes the cigarette to Remus who, even though Marie is currently whispering at him to stop it, takes a long drag. Marie looks like she's about to kill someone, whilst Remus just stares down at her innocently.
Sirius' attention is instantly drawn to Remus' hand. He's holding the cigarette between his thumb and index finger. He sticks his bottom lip out as the smoke releases from his mouth. Sirius is far too drunk to be witnessing this and not reacting in the way his brain wants him to.
"It's disgusting, Remus," Marie complains, stomping her foot like a five-year-old. "Cara's just a bad influence. She's been doing it all year."
"It's not bad," Remus shrugs. "You should give it a try." He holds the cigarette out to Marie, who pushes his hand away.
"I'll give it a try," Sirius speaks up, announcing himself at the same time. Remus turns to look at him, his eyes are a bit glassy and his pupils have dilated to almost twice their usual size. Remus blinks at him and then holds out the smoke.
Sirius takes it from his hand and brings it up to his lips, breathing it in. He watches as the end of the stick glows a bright orange for a second before dying down. He swallows the smoke into his lungs and feels them constrict. Coughing a little bit, he passes the cigarette back to Cara and then breathes out. He feels like a dragon.
"Not bad," Sirius comments. Remus smiles proudly at him and it's all worth it for that.
"Want one to share between you?" Cara asks, pulling a pack of them out of her back pocket and holding one out between them.
"Yeah, sure," Remus says and plucks it from her fingers. He places it between his lips and Cara bends forward to light it with her lighter. Once Remus has inhaled, Sirius reaches forward to steal the cigarette right from the boy's mouth and places it directly in his own. Remus' eyes fall on his and Sirius might just be drunk but he's pretty sure Remus' eyes flash amber. They only ever do that around the full moon, but the moon isn't for two weeks yet.
"Well, Felix isn't going to smoke, are you?" Marie speaks again and Sirius glances over at her. He'd forgotten she was there, to be honest. It seems Remus did, too, because when he looks at her, he blinks in surprise.
"Nope, I've tried it and I didn't like it," Felix shakes his head. "But, if these guys want to experiment, Marie, then it's up to them."
Marie rolls her eyes. "You're just saying that because you're drunk."
"Actually, I haven't drunk anything other than lemonade tonight," Felix admits. His eyes bounce over to Cara's, who stares at him in shock before diverting her gaze to the floor. "Plus, you're the drunkest person here, Marie."
"Some see being a light-weight as a curse, I see it as an advantage," Marie grins mischievously.
"Has anyone seen Hugo?" Sirius asks, passing the butt of the cigarette to Remus, letting him have the last drag. They all say they haven't seen him for an hour, so Sirius decides to go on a search for him. He finds him sitting on the stairs in the corridor, away from the music but not completely alone. There's a group of girls a few steps above him, whispering between themselves.
"Oh, hey," Hugo smiles as he notices Sirius. "Having fun?"
"The night hasn't been terrible," Sirius says, sitting down on the step beside Hugo. "You look like you're at someone's funeral. What's up?"
"I'm fine," Hugo waves him off. "I just get very truthful when I drink, so I'm avoiding... the others."
"Ah," Sirius nods knowingly. "I've been there, my friend. Which one? Cara? Marie? Felix?"
"No," Hugo chuckles. "I don't- It's just girls for me. Okay, if I tell you can you promise not to tell anyone? Not even your friends at your boarding school. It can't get back to Remus." Sirius promises, swearing on his life. "It's Marie. I know I shouldn't because she likes Remus and they're, like, supposed to be together, you know. Everyone is just waiting for them to finally realise it. I can't help it though. Je l'aime vraiment, vraiment."
"Vous parlez français?"
"Oui," Hugo responds. "I moved here from France. How come you know it?"
"Mum's half French, so I've been learning it all my life." He scoots across the step until his knee knocks Hugo's. "As much as I hate to say it, you should try and get over her. I mean, really try because you want to, not just because you need to. She..." He sighs. "She really likes Remus and he likes her back."
"Why do you look so glum about it? Don't tell me you like her, too?"
"Not her," Sirius replies, not realising how suggestive that sounds until he's already said it. Panicked, he turns to Hugo, whose face twists with realisation. He smirks.
"Remus, eh? Fair enough."
Sirius nudges him. "Shh about that, you can't tell anyone. Also, I thought you said you only like girls."
"I do," Hugo laughs. "But if I had to pick a guy-"
"Alright, that's enough talking." Sirius stands up and holds out a hand for Hugo. "I'm sure one day you'll find a girl who likes you back. Hey, my friend Lily's single. She's very clever."
Before Hugo can say anything in reply, there are shouts from the living room. Sirius and Hugo both rush down the stairs to see what all the commotion is about. They both stop dead in their tracks at what they see. Remus and some guy who is like a foot shorter than him are fighting in the middle of the room. Remus has his arm around the guy, who keeps punching Remus in the stomach. Feeling rage fill him, Sirius steps forward. Hugo stops him.
"It isn't worth it, mate."
"That's Remus in there," Sirius growls. "Let me pass."
Hugo drops his arm and Sirius rushes into the fray at the same time Felix and Cara do. Cara grabs the other guy by his hair and starts pulling him away from Remus, whilst Felix picks up Remus around the waist and starts dragging him away, still thrashing and trying to reach the other guy. Sirius rushes over to Cara's side and, without even knowing who the guy is, punches him in the face.
"Touch Remus again and I'll cut your hands off," he threatens, leaning so that his face is only an inch from the other guy's.
"Yeah, Billy, and I'll help," Cara adds before pushing the guy away. "Is your hand alright?" She asks, softer when speaking to Sirius than she was when she addressed Billy. Sirius assumes that was the Billy Ronson kid they were on about earlier.
"Yeah. Where's Remus?"
"Marie and Felix have got him," Cara says, gently touching Sirius' hand and examining it. "You need to put some ice on this now before the swelling gets out of control. Come with me."
"But-"
"Remus will be fine."
Sirius follows Cara to the kitchen. There are people there who slap him on the back and try to talk to him about the fight, but Cara threatens them all violently enough that they scram. Hugo finds them not a minute later and winces at the sight of Sirius' hand.
"I tried to stop you," he says.
"I know," Sirius grits through his teeth. "I don't regret it."
Cara raises a condescending eyebrow.
"Can we please go and find the others now?" He begs childishly. Cara finishes wrapping a tea-towel filled with ice around his hand and agrees.
They search the living room and don't find them there. Felix is sitting on the stairs, just like Sirius and Hugo were before the fight. He tells them Remus and Marie are outside on the porch and that Remus is fine, he's just got a couple bruises on his stomach. Greatly concerned by this, Sirius hurries towards the front door.
He doesn't spot them at first because it's so dark and the music from inside the house is blasting out into the street. Then, he turns and sees something that burns the back of his eyelids. Remus has Marie pinned to the front of the house, one of his hands is buried in her golden pony-tail, whilst the other is holding her hip. Their lips are sloppily overlapping each other and Sirius can hear it now. It sounds like the music was shut off. His eardrums ring violently. His heart feels like it's stopped. He's so cold; there is no blood pumping through his body.
Hugo appears at his side and stops suddenly when his eyes fall upon Remus and Marie making out vigorously against Kelsie Aldrich's house.
Even like this, Remus looks beautiful.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
Oui je sais = Yes, I know (French)
Aimez-vous? = Do you like it? (French)
Idiote = Idiot (French)
Mae'r bwyd hwn yn anhygoel. Efallai y bydd yn rhaid i mi ddod i Gymru yn amlach = This food is amazing. I might have to come to Wales more often (Welsh)
Oes. Sirius wyt ti = Yes. You're Sirius (Welsh)
Braf cwrdd â chi, annwyl = Nice to meet you, darling (Welsh)
Je l'aime vraiment, vraiment = I really, really like her (French)
Vous parlez français? = You speak French? (French)
Oui = Yes (French)MENTIONS:
-I can't wait to explore Rabastan and Regulus' relationship in this fic, it's gonna be fun
-The Orion and Regulus conversation hurt my soul 💔💔 Orion is so tragic in this fic
-Regulus and Sirius both calling Nicholas and Dora "little one" :(
-I'm bringing back the Lucius/Arthur rivalry :D
-Someone predicted in the comments that Regulus would also be at the Quidditch World Cup and they were right! I thought it would be cute to have them there together <3 Reg really deserved it after the hell he's already been through this summer.
-*Jegulus holding hands* Me: GAAAAYYY 😆😆
-James around babies is the cutest thing in the world
-Mollie (the house-elf) and Narcissa both being like: "he makes you smile 😏"
-Sirius and Dora <3
-"Angles" are another word for fishhooks
-Well, it took three years, but Sirius is finally in Wales! He did not have a fun time... (I'm evil)
-Wolfstar small moments>>>
-Sirius wearing Remus' clothes !! <3
-Lyall totally approves of Wolfstar. He's like: Sirius is clever, he's pretty, he's charming. Marry this one, Remus. This one right here!
-Sirius flirting with Cara even though he's openly gay 😭😭 Felix was crying on the inside
-I love how Cara is besties with everyone <3
-Hugo "If I had to pick a guy" 😭😭 He's so real for that.
-I want to marry Cara. Her in that fight??? I get it, Felix, I GET IT.
-Sooooo, Remus and Marie finally happened... what do we think? Poor Sirius and Hugo. On another note, Hugo likes Marie? Crazy, totally didn't see that coming (I've had it planned for months)I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for all the love/comments/kudos/support. See you next weekend <3
(Also, thanks for 20K hits!! ilyyyyy)
Chapter 44: Third Year: Nothing at All
Summary:
Sirius realises his feelings for Remus are one-sided, Marie discovers something surprising about Remus, Mary visits Potter Manor.
There's a surprise POV in this chapter - our first that isn't Regulus, Remus, Sirius or James!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-minors making out (follow on from last chapter)
-mention of underage drinking/smoking
-brief mention of someone having a broken hand (not explicit)
-seizure warning
-nightmares
-mention of a murdered child (Harry)
-someone comes out to another character (get a good reaction)
-mention of another attack/child death/murder/discrimination
-underage drinking
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And when he knew that she was fooling
He faced the mirror to avoid the thing
We're out of money, and we've sold the bling
And I just wanna take you home
I just wanna take you home
~ Big Thief
Monday - 24th June, 1974
Remus
Remus can't believe it. He's kissing Marie. He's never kissed anyone before, it's nice. A bit wet, but not uncomfortably so. Her hair is soft like her silky dress, gripped between his fingers. If he were to check now, he thinks he would find her ponytail completely ruined. She kisses him back with fervour, which gives him the impression that she's done this before. Remus follows what she is doing, not having read up on the topic of kissing beforehand.
Marie smells like sugar and nature all mixed together into some sweet, summery concoction.
Her hands, which were gripping his shirt only moments before, are now moving around his side, tickling his ribs slightly. They explore him and he doesn't mind it, not at all, not until she comes into contact with the bitemark under his right armpit.
Pushing himself away from her, Remus crashes into the banister of the porch. He tries to gather his breath but finds it more difficult than usual. He brings one of his hands up to gently brush over his lips. His eyes bounce across the porch and he discovers Marie standing against the wall, watching him with dark, eager eyes. She takes the hairband out of her hair and lets her blonde curls fall back into place. Remus wants to tuck it behind her ears.
Oh, but no. This isn't- this can't work. It just can't.
Marie is... innocent. She's untainted, too lovely to be ruined by something like him. He'd forgotten until he felt her fingertips on his scar. The crash site of the worst thing that's ever happened to him. Her delicate, tender touch meeting something so violent just didn't feel right.
He licks his lips, tasting the residue of Marie's raspberry lip balm on them. He clenches his jaw.
"I've been waiting ages for you to do that," Marie admits, loud enough for Remus to hear her across the space. "It was so much better than I imagined."
Remus doesn't know what to say. What Marie is telling him... well, it's something he's only dreamed of. How does he tell her the same thing without leading her on? Unless, well, Marie doesn't know about the Wizarding World, she's completely separate from it. Maybe, just maybe, this is exactly the sort of loophole he's looking for.
Maybe it could work.
"I've wanted to do that for a long time," Remus whispers, settling his gaze on her. Marie's eyes are hooded, her cheeks pink under the faint porchlight. She runs a hand over her curls and then flattens her dress, pulling it down where it had begun to ride up when Remus gripped it.
Blood rushes to his cheeks as he takes in her ruffled appearance. He did that. He is the one who Marie chose. The person who got to kiss her, could probably do it again were he to ask. He wants to do it again.
But then, there's Sirius.
He shouldn't have left him alone, surrounded by people he doesn't know. The last time Remus saw him, he was punching Billy Ronson in the face, something Remus never thought he would see. That definitely was not on his 1974 Bingo card.
Speaking of the fight. Remus has three wide bruises marking his stomach, thanks to Billy the idiot. He doesn't even remember how or why the fight started, all he knows is that he's very drunk and he tried his first cigarette tonight, so he's high on nicotine. He'll have to ask Cara to get him some to take back to Hogwarts. Remus can't imagine many students at Hogwarts will be dishing them out, since they are Muggle and therefore harder to find in the Wizarding World. He imagines the students of Hogwarts have a very short supply.
Clearing his throat, Remus pushes himself away from the porch's banister, running a nervous hand through his hair. "We should probably, uh, get back in there. I need to find Sirius, shouldn't have left him on his own really."
"He isn't on his own," Marie argues, but her voice lacks the petulance it usually holds. "He's got Cara, Felix and Hugo."
"He doesn't know them," Remus says, already making his way over to the front door. Marie jumps in front of him just as he reaches it.
"Can I just ask one thing of you first?" Marie asks, eyes wide; Remus considers the hint of desperation shining in them, curious about what's going through her mind. He nods. She glances at the floor. "Don't try and pretend this didn't happen. Don't let it make things awkward. Just, we'll forget about it for tonight."
Remus stares into her giant eyes, so full of vulnerability. Marie's lips are still wet, they glimmer. "Alright," he agrees and Marie sighs, relieved. "But I need to go find Sirius now."
"Yes, come on, we'll go together." Turning on the spot, Marie pushes the half-open door out of her way and steps back into the house. Remus trails in behind her.
They search the living room first, but no one in there has seen Sirius since the fight. A few people ask Remus who Sirius is and where he came from, but Remus ignores them. Marie tells him Sirius isn't in the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom is preoccupied by a couple of teenagers, none of which are Sirius.
Upstairs, they check all of the bedrooms and the two bathrooms. Sirius isn't anywhere, though neither are any of Remus' other friends.
When they reach the final bedroom, Remus has lost all hope that they are going to find Sirius or anyone else. Maybe Kelsie Aldrich found out Sirius beat up her boyfriend and ordered him out of her house. Remus lazily opens the door to the final bedroom and pokes his head in, not expecting to find anything of use to him - or anyone.
"Oh my god," Remus gasps, covering his mouth to cover his chuckle.
"What?" Marie asks, nosily poking her head in beneath is. Her eyes widen at what she sees. "Oh my god !"
At the sound of Marie's shrill voice, Cara and Felix disentangle themselves from one another. Felix stares at them with dazed, slightly panicked eyes, as if he's just been caught doing something very irresponsible by an adult. Cara stares at them blankly, like she can't believe they've just interrupted this. There's a red mark blooming on her neck that Remus does not need to ask her about to figure out how she received it.
"May we help you?" She questions snappily when they don't leave after an entire minute of prolonged eye contact.
"You've already done enough," Remus barks out a laugh. "It's about bloody time."
Cara just rolls her eyes and turns to look away from the two of them, but Remus doesn't miss the smile that curls her lips. Felix is watching her with a fond expression, he takes a step towards her and Cara's eyes snap up to look at him.
"I think it's time we go," Marie comments, grimacing. "Oh, if you guys see Sirius or Hugo anywhere, let us know. We've lost them."
"They're in the back garden," Cara replies, still looking at Felix. "Sirius ran out there and Hugo followed them. We figured we'd give them a bit of room. Sirius looked pretty upset."
"Upset?" Remus echoes, concerned.
Cara just shrugs before pulling Felix forward by the collar and crashing their lips together once again. Remus closes his eyes and shuts the door. He turns to Marie who meets his eye before promptly bursting into laughter. Remus can't help but laugh along with her.
They make their way downstairs and Remus hurries over to the backdoor, hoping he will be able to spot Sirius in the dark garden. Marie points out two figures huddled beside each other at the back of the garden. Remus starts striding across the grass, almost tripping over some garden goblin thing. Marie sticks by his side. She's really warmed to Sirius ever since he arrived, but Remus gets the sense that Sirius isn't very fond of her. He has no idea why because Marie has been nothing but lovely to him since he got here. Maybe it's because he hasn't stopped hearing things about Marie for months because of all their friends at Hogwarts finding ways to drop her into every conversation. Perhaps, Sirius is just tired of hearing things about the same girl.
As they get closer, Remus starts being able to make out Sirius and Hugo's features. He can see in the dark because he's a werewolf, something Sirius would call a superpower.
"Sirius?" Remus calls through the darkness, watching as Sirius' head perks up at the sound of Remus' voice. Hugo glances over at him and Marie before returning his gaze to the floor. When he and Marie reach the two of them, no one speaks, so Remus decides to talk first. "What are you doing out here? Cara said you looked upset. Are you alright?"
Sirius and Hugo share a look before standing up. Sirius looks him right in the eye, even through the pitch black darkness.
"I'm not upset, don't know what she was on about. I just needed some air, I..." Sirius licks his lips and drops his eyes to the floor. "I broke my hand."
"You what ?!" Remus shouts.
"When I punched Billy," Sirius explains. He shrugs. "I don't know how we're going to hide that from your parents."
"Never mind them, Sirius, your hand-" Remus reaches out and, for the first time ever, Sirius steps away from him. It hurts because Remus has always been careful to respect Sirius' boundaries, not wanting to overstep in any way, but now he feels like he has. He feels as if he's done something wrong. "Please, could I look at it?"
"No. Cara wrapped it up for me already," Sirius responds, voice quieter than usual.
"So, you're okay?"
"Yes, Remus," Sirius smiles, "I'm fine. Just tired."
"Oh. Well, if you'd like we can all head back now. Cara and Felix are- um. I think they're staying at Cara's tonight, so we can go whenever you're ready to leave."
"Curfew's soon anyway," Marie mutters, squinting down at her watch. "You still cool to stay at mine, Hugo?"
"Oh, actually," Hugo winces. "I was sort of planning to go back to my house. You lot have fun though." He sends them all a brief smile and gently pats Sirius' shoulder before walking away across the garden to the house.
"Just us then," Remus says, clapping his hands together.
"Just us," Sirius mumbles back.
"Great!" Marie grins at them both. "We're all squeezing into my bed since my mum is using the guest room as a storage place for all of the summer fayre stuff she's setting up or whatever it was she said."
"Sounds great," Sirius sighs.
They get back to Marie's just before half-past eleven and are quiet when moving up through the house. Remus and Sirius left pyjamas here earlier when they were all hanging out, knowing they would need them later and that they didn't want to take their stuff to the party with them. Marie gets changed in the bathroom and lets the boys use her bedroom. Then, they all clean their teeth and tuck themselves into Marie's bed. It's big enough for three people because, even though Remus is inhumanely tall for his age, Sirius and Marie are very small people. Remus places himself between them in the bed because he's the only one there that really knows both of them.
It doesn't take long for Marie to fall asleep. Her soft snores sing through the air, close to Remus' ear because she fell asleep with her cheek just above his shoulder on the pillow. Sirius hasn't moved since getting into the bed, but Remus can tell he isn't asleep yet. His breathing hasn't evened out like it usually does when he's sleeping. Plus, Sirius snores very loudly when he's asleep.
Turning away from Marie so that he's laying on his side, Remus whispers, "Are you awake?"
There's a moment of silence, and then, "No."
He chuckles and watches as Sirius rolls onto his side, too. His eyes are open but he isn't looking at Remus, instead opting to stare at the mattress.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Remus," Sirius mumbles.
"Something is wrong, I can tell. Is it your hand? We could always tell my parents you did it some other way and my tad could heal it for you," he suggests, already knowing Sirius will decline the offer.
"It isn't my hand," Sirius whispers. His voice sounds tight, like he's trying to hold his emotions inside. Remus wants to reach out and do something, help him if he can. But he doesn't know how to do that when Sirius won't tell him what's wrong.
"What is it then?" He inquires softly, attempting to reach out again. Sirius doesn't flinch this time. Remus finds Sirius' hand under the cover and grips onto it.
"Nothing that matters," Sirius says, finally looking up and meeting Remus' eye. "Nothing at all." The last three words come out all choked and stuck in his throat and before he knows it, Sirius is crying. Remus has only seen Sirius cry a handful of times, enough to count on one hand. It cuts him deep every time it happens. Remus hates it so much. It makes him want to crush whoever caused Sirius to cry, to stomp on them like they're some pesky bug he needs to sort out.
"Sirius," Remus utters quietly, moving closer to pull Sirius into his arms as he cries. Sirius buries his head in Remus' chest, bringing up his hand to grip at Remus' shirt. Right where the bitemark is, but Remus doesn't even notice this because Sirius is upset. Sirius has touched him there before. Remus trusts him.
"I miss home," Sirius weeps.
"I'm sorry," Remus chants in his ear. "I'm so sorry, Sirius."
Friday - 28th June, 1974
On Sirius' last day in Wales, they spend the morning baking with Hope in the kitchen. Remus suggested they spend time only with each other today and Sirius had seemed relieved by the idea. As much as Sirius likes Remus' friends - and he knows he does, Sirius has told him - he probably would like to have a break from them for a day since they're still new to him.
Sirius has been quiet ever since the night of the party. In the end, Hope noticed his hand was injured and Sirius and Remus had to come up with a lie on the spot. Remus said he fell out of a tree and accidentally knocked it against the trunk on the way down. His parents fell for it and Lyall quickly healed Sirius' hand right up.
Remus still has bruises painted across his stomach, they're slowly healing, but it's taking a long time and they are quite painful. He has to admit, Billy Ronson can throw a mean punch.
Sirius still hasn't told him what upset him so much during the party, so Remus has stopped asking. He knows that if Sirius isn't talking about it then he definitely won't until he wants to, it's just how he is. Remus doesn't want to push him, so he drops it.
It's the afternoon when Sirius leaves to go back to Cornwall. Remus really doesn't want him to go. He likes having Sirius here. When James and Lily visited, it was fun and he loved having them over, but it's different with Sirius. Something about him always makes Hogwarts feel like home to Remus, especially during the days when Remus misses Wales. Sirius, somehow, always finds a way to make him feel better.
Having him in Wales has made him feel more comfort than he's ever experienced in his entire life. Also, with Sirius around, he feels safe in his own bedroom. He hasn't had a single Greyback nightmare all week, nor has he thought about triple-checking the window is definitely shut. Sirius takes away his fear, puts it out like it's a fire, and hits it with his shoes until the flame of them have died out.
Remus really, really doesn't want him to leave.
Unfortunately, he has to. Hope and Lyall say goodbye to him first, getting in hugs and a couple of forehead kisses. They leave the boys alone to say their goodbyes, Remus appreciates it. Sirius turns to him, eyes slightly sad. Remus assumes it's because he has to leave and tries not to think about the real reason Sirius could be upset because he has no idea and it's irking him. Surely, he should know. They're close, aren't they?
His hand jumps to the ball beneath his jumper, the Ombud.
Sirius gave him this necklace because he trusts him, more than the others apparently. He could have given it to anyone in the world, and he gave it to Remus. Shouldn't that mean something? Shouldn't Remus feel more connected to him because of it?
"Can I get a hug?" Remus asks, holding his arms out. He tries to tamp down his frustrating thoughts. He does know Sirius, he does. He has the key to all of his secrets and shares some with him, too. They're best friends.
"You don't need to ask," Sirius huffs out a laugh. He steps forward, into Remus' arms, and wraps his arms around Remus' shoulders.
Remus buries his face into Sirius' shoulder, breathing him in. He smells like butter and sugar from where they were baking earlier. There's a hint of Remus' own scent stuck to Sirius' clothes, probably because he's been living here over the last week. Then, beneath it all, he smells like Sirius. The salty seawater, old, leather-bound books, and the outdoors. And a new scent - smoke.
Slowly, he pulls away, feeling as his body starts to grow warm. It's mid-summer and he's wearing a winter jumper, probably not the best combo but it's what he's most comfortable in. His eyes run over Sirius' features: his hair, shorter than it was before school ended, but still curling around Sirius' ears in that adorable way it always has done; eyes a silvery-blue and a bit dim; sun-kissed cheeks that contrast with his pale complexion; the dimple that lives on his cheek is hidden under a small frown.
He blinks.
"Good luck for the moon," Sirius says.
Ah, yes. The moon. Ugh, Remus doesn't want it. It's still six days away, but Remus can already feel the effects of it taking place over his body. His back is growing stiffer by the day and his knees pop whenever he stands up. Luckily, the headaches have not settled in just yet.
"Thanks. Have fun with your cousins."
Sirius smiles up at him, his dimple grows more prominent and Remus stares at it.
"See you," Sirius says, turning to step into the fireplace. Remus holds out the Floo powder basin towards him and Sirius grabs a handful.
"Bye, Sirius," Remus smiles, watching as Sirius is engulfed by green flames.
Remus already misses him.
That evening, Marie knocks on his door and Remus expects the others to be behind her and is surprised when she steps into his house alone.
"Did Sirius leave already?" Marie asks, craning her neck through the kitchen door to peer into the living room.
"Yeah, he left a couple of hours ago," Remus tells her.
"Shame. I would've liked to say goodbye. Oh well." She steps away from the door, coming face-to-face with Remus. He is suddenly bombarded with the realisation that this is the first time they have been alone together since the night of the party. Marie had asked him if they could forget about the kiss and Remus respected her wishes, so they haven't spoken about it since. He wonders if that's why she's here now.
"He wanted to say goodbye, too," Remus lies - he has no idea if Sirius wanted to say his goodbyes to any of them, "but he had to leave quickly."
"Makes sense, he lives in Cornwall, don't he?" Marie asks, slowly taking a step in his direction. Remus nods in response. "Are your parents home?"
"Mam's at the bakery and my tad's helping Justine scrub the graffiti of the Church," Remus explains, feeling nervous. His stomach squirms as Marie approaches him. He doesn't expect it, which is why he lets out a small yelp as she pushes him against the fridge, knocking a couple of magnets to the floor. Standing on her tiptoes, Marie wraps one of her hands around the back of Remus' neck and pulls him closer to her. He willingly goes, letting her press her soft lips to the corner of his mouth. Just a gentle touch, nothing like their first kiss.
"We should talk," Marie says, pulling away. Remus almost pouts. "Oh, don't look so glum, Rem. I'm not breaking up with you before we're even together." She smirks in that pretty way only Marie is capable of, the way that makes his toes curl.
"I'd rather you don't break up with me before or after," Remus discloses bravely. Marie raises an eyebrow and releases a low chuckle. "Let's talk," he gestures towards the kitchen door and together they make their way through to the living room. Marie sits down on Lyall's armchair, always her preferred place to sit whenever she's here. Remus places himself on one of the couches, the one closest to her because he doesn't want to be far from her. Not when he doesn't have to be anymore.
"I only really have one question for you," Marie says. She's twiddling a bit of her hair between her fingers, a thing she only does when she's nervous. "Why did you kiss me?"
Remus frowns. "What do you mean?"
"Did you only do it because you were drunk?"
"What? No. I did it because..." He trails off, eyes dropping to the rug on the floor. Three out of four of it's corners are turned up. His mam will likely trip on one of them sooner rather than later, she's always been clumsy.
"Because?" Marie presses.
"I wanted to," Remus admits, tracing the pattern of the rug with his eyes before realising this may come off as rude and looking back up at Marie. "Why did you do it?"
"Because I like you," Marie mutters quietly. She's staring at him in a way she never has before. Her gaze is raw and open. This is a secret she's been keeping to herself for years and Remus knows how open Marie is about everything else in her life, which means it must have been incredibly difficult for her to keep this to herself for so long, and even more difficult now to allow herself to finally say it aloud.
"I like you, too."
Marie grins and Remus' heart leaps in his chest. She's so perfect that it hurts sometimes. How can he ever be good enough for her? The only reason he hasn't run away yet is because Marie chose to be here. She is the one who wants to be with Remus, and shouldn't she get what she wants? She deserves everything she wants in the world and if that just so happens to be Remus, then he won't let his insecurities get in the way. He would give her anything and everything.
Remus stands up from his seat and towers over where Marie is still sat in his father's armchair. She glances up at him, eyes dark where they are shrouded by his shadow. Leaning down, he tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear, she leans into his palm.
"Marie?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you... want to be my girlfriend?" Butterflies have been set free in his stomach and they are fluttering up to his chest at an alarming speed. Surely, that can't be good for his health.
Beaming, Marie stands up, but Remus still has a foot on her at least. She's a very small girl, he's hardly noticed their height difference before, but now that he's reaching so far just to touch her, it feels like an unnecessary trial.
"I'd love to, boyfriend." Wrapping her arms giddily around his shoulders, Marie draws him in for another kiss, a proper one this time. Her fingers play with the hairs at the cusp of his neck, provoking goose bumps to rise on his skin. He rests his hands on the small of her back, not really sure where else to put them. When they finally pull away from each other, Marie is smiling from ear-to-ear and Remus can feel the blood in his cheeks.
He has a girlfriend.
Wow.
Sunday - 30th June, 1974
Remus goes to Church with his parents that Sunday, which thoroughly surprises the both of them. His mam beams down at him before pressing a dozen kisses to his forehead. He giggles and tries to pull away from her, but she's relentless and only let's him go when she's finished.
"What made you want to come?" Lyall asks, walking into the living room. He's struggling with one of his suspenders, which is twisted the wrong way around. In the end, Hope has to go over and help him.
"My girlfriend asked me to go," Remus shrugs nonchalantly. He turns around and pretends to start inspecting his hair in the mirror hanging above the mantelpiece. The silence behind him is enough to make him glance over his shoulder, smirking.
"Your what ?" His mam bursts, eyes wide with happiness. "Oh, goodness! Who is she?"
"Marie," Remus replies bashfully. His mam lets out a squeal of delight before rushing over to his side and wrapping her arms tightly around him, trapping his arms against his body.
"Oh, this is brilliant!" Hope exclaims. Quickly, she let's go of Remus and turns on the spot to look over at Lyall, who is gaping like he can't believe it. "You owe me twenty pounds, darling."
"You bet on this?" Remus gasps.
"Of course, I did," his mam shrugs, sending him a cheeky grin. "And I won."
"Yes, I should have never bet against you," Lyall mutters, pulling his wallet out of his back trouser pocket. "You always win," he says grimly, passing a twenty pound note into Hope's waiting palm.
"Wait a second," Remus holds his hand up. "You bet against me?"
"No," Lyall shakes his head. "I just... bet on something else."
"Something else?" Remus repeats.
"Well, actually, he bet on someo-"
"Don't tell him!" Lyall crows. "It could still happen. If you spoil it, it might never happen."
"What might never happen?" Remus frowns.
"Nothing. Doesn't matter." Lyall shakes his head. "So, when did you and Marie get together?"
"Couple of days ago," Remus utters, narrowing his eyes at his parents as if looking at them from a different perspective will give away what they aren't telling him.
"Good. I approve," his mam nods resolutely. Remus scoffs. "She's a lovely girl. Oh! We should sit with her in Church today."
Remus groans. "No, mam. We should sit where we usually sit."
"Nonsense," she replies, zipping up her handbag and slinging it over her shoulder. "Right, let's go. Maybe if we get there early, we can talk to Marie before we have to go in."
On the way to the Church, Remus has to endure the dozens of questions his parents throw at him. His mam asks if they've kissed yet and when Remus tells her they have she starts giggling like a child over the fact that he's finally had his first kiss. Remus is quickly regretting his decision to return to Church. If it weren't for his promise to Marie that he would show up today, he'd have already backed out by now.
Luckily, Marie and her parents are nowhere in sight when they arrive at the ancient building. So, Remus pushes his parents up the front steps and forces them to take their seats. Unfortunately, when Marie and her parents do show up, Hope waves them over and invites them to sit beside them. She makes Remus swap seats with her so he can sit beside Marie. He sighs.
"So, I'm assuming you told your mam then?" Marie whispers into his ear with a small chuckle.
"Yep, and she is taking it exceptionally well."
"That bad, huh?" Marie grimaces before sending a sweet smile Hope's way. "Shit. She looks like she's already planning our wedding."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous," Remus nudges her. "She definitely did that years ago. Hey, did you know my parents had a bet on us getting together?"
"Really?" Marie's eyes widen.
"Yeah. Tad didn't think we would, but mam did."
"Oh," Marie frowns. "Sad to know Lyall had such little faith in us."
"I know. Honestly, rude."
Marie laughs and is soon shushed by her mother, who has looked more tired recently. Probably all the summer events she's had to put together for the village recently. They're a popular tourist destination at this time of year, so they usually have some type of fate or event going on each week.
"How's your mum doing after the fayre yesterday? I hear there was a lot of rubbish left behind. I would've helped but I was cleaning out the stables."
Marie shuffles closer to him. "Mam's been having a rough time of it lately. I think the next event is the play, but the lead dropped out because he's got Lyme disease."
"Ew."
"Right?" She pulls a wry face. "Anyway, she's been looking for some other kid to do it, but no one else knows the lines and it's in twelve days."
"Which play?"
"Jekyll and Hyde," Marie replies, eyeing him pointedly.
"What? No- no, Marie. I'm not going to do it," Remus shakes his head vehemently and turns to look at the front of the Church.
"Oh, please. You've played him before and you're amazing at acting! You know all the lines, Remus." Marie looks up at him with pleading eyes that Remus tries to ignore. Unfortunately, he is a weak man (or boy, whatever), so it only takes him three seconds to turn and look directly into her massive, puppy-dog eyes. "Please?"
"Who else is in the play?" He sighs.
Marie's expression instantly morphs into something triumphant. He can never say no to her, never has been able to, never will be able to.
"Okay, so Charlie H is playing Utterson-"
"Makes sense," Remus comments.
"I know, right? Anyway. They've got Katherine playing Enfield," Marie laughs at Remus' judgemental expression. "I know, not the best casting choice. They're gonna glue a fake moustache to her face. Gavin's going to be Lanyon and his little sister Erica is playing that girl that gets, like, trampled at the beginning." Remus nods along. "Josh L was going to be Mr Poole but he got grounded and now his parents won't let him participate, so George is playing him instead."
"Oh, yeah. He played Lanyon a few years back," Remus comments.
"Yep, so he knows all the lines," Marie nods. "The Inspector and Carew are getting played by Steven and Lewis Crawford. They're going to put a wig on Lewis so they don't look so alike. Then, I think Lottie is playing the maid. Not sure though, I'll have to check. So, will you do it?"
Remus makes a noise of hesitation. Inevitably, he folds. "Yes, fine, I'll do it. When is it again?"
"The twelfth is opening night and they're only doing three shows this year," Marie says, pushing her hand into his. "Thank you, Rem."
"'S'fine," he rolls his eyes dramatically. "It'll be fun catching up with those nerds anyway. I haven't spoken to Lottie or Charlie in ages."
"That's because you quit the theatre club when you left us," Marie tuts.
"It was about time, wasn't it? I was in that club from the time I could walk."
"Oh, don't remind me of mini Remus on the stage. You were always so adorable, I never stood a chance."
Remus smiles down at her. "Really?"
"Really." She confirms, kissing his cheek.
"Yuck, stop that," Cara groans, sliding into the bench in front of them.
Remus kicks the back of her legs and Cara draws her heel harshly back into his shin, causing him to groan.
"Says you," Marie snorts.
"You won't catch me kissing anyone in a Church," Cara confirms, sending them both a patent look.
"Kissing is not a sin," Remus' mam speaks up, making Remus shrink in his seat out of embarrassment.
"How long have you been listening to our conversation?"
"Long enough to know you're reprising your role as Doctor Jekyll, cariad," Hope grins, ruffling his hair. He huffs.
"Good morning, Mrs Lupin," Cara smiles sweetly.
"Good morning, Cara."
"So, you're in the play?" Cara raises an eyebrow that only partially succeeds at covering up the discernment glimmering in her eyes. She always did make fun of him for his acting.
"Apparently," Remus grumbles.
"George is holding rehearsals at his house today at one, if you want we can go together," Marie suggests, stealing Remus' attention with a gentle squeeze of her hand. "Lottie will be thrilled to hear you're back in the club."
"I'm not, it's just a one-off," Remus clarifies plainly. "Don't go telling everyone I'm free for any and all roles. Theatre isn't really my thing anymore."
"No, now you're just some Scottish swot," Cara smirks. Remus shoves her with his shoe again.
"Oh, the pastor's here. Everyone shush," Marie's mam says gently, silencing them all. Cara turns in her seat and Remus spends most of the ceremony staring at the back of her head. Hugo sings in the choir and Marie sends him an excited wave, which he doesn't return, smiling at her instead before looking at the ground.
Hugo has been quieter recently, ever since Sirius left. Remus doesn't know if that has anything to do with it or if Hugo is actually always like this but just became more talkative around Sirius maybe? No one else has mentioned it yet, so Remus assumes nothing is actually out of the ordinary and that he's just reading into things.
That afternoon, Remus and Marie head on over to George Hardy's house and he gets the chance to catch up with all of his old drama club friends. Lottie and Charlie are the most enthusiastic ones, since they have both been a part of the club since they were five, just as Remus was. They all grew up together, even if Lottie and Charlie were always in the year below him.
Remus is surprised to find that he's finally outgrown Charlie, it was always a running joke between them when they were younger that Remus was older but shorter. Well, now he has at least half a foot on Charlie, who has to crane his neck slightly just to look him in the eye. Lottie's hair is still as frizzy and blonde as ever, it's always reminded Remus a bit of an angry sponge. She pulls him into a hug as soon as he walks through the door.
It doesn't take very long for him to get back into the rhythm of reciting his lines as they practice a few key scenes in George's living room. His mam comes in a few times to see how they're doing and to bring them snacks. Unexpectedly, Remus ends up enjoying himself. Katherine makes them all laugh as she scribbles a fake moustache onto her face and throws on an posh, over-the-top English accent. The top hat on her head sags to one side and threatens to fall off her head completely as she moves buoyantly around the room with an air of esteemed elegance.
Remus puts on an English accent, too, and it's much better than it was when he played Jekyll and Hyde back in year five. He guesses sharing a room with four English boys for nine months each year has had an effect on him after all. He channels his inner James Potter, whose accent is the most pompous out of all of his friends.
During the scene where Remus' character is supposed to trample a little girl - played by Erica, who is a very formidable actress - he pretends to trip over himself as she squeals and squirms on the floor, very convincingly might he add.
Marie stands in for Lewis, who is busy today. She isn't the best actress and completely butchers an attempt at an English accent, but Remus praises her for it anyway.
The group end up staying for dinner and Remus has to admit that he hasn't felt this comfortable since Sirius left. Being surrounded by so many people reminds him a bit of when he's back at Hogwarts, always surrounded by at least three other people, if not more. He goes home that evening with a permanent grin on his face.
Saturday - 6th July, 1974
Marie comes over to his house every day that week, helping him rehearse for the play. Whenever they aren't at his, they are either hanging around the village and the marshes with Cara, Felix and Hugo, or they're at one of the drama kids' houses practicing. Remus' parents invite Marie to stay for dinner most nights and Remus is sure that, at this point, they just keep making enough food for four, already expecting her to end up staying.
It rains for the first time in almost a month that Saturday, keeping Marie and Remus inside for the day. They spend the morning in his living room going through the lines, but Remus already has them all memorised by now. Marie's dog Max is with them today and has been begging Remus to give him fuss all morning.
They have a break at lunchtime and play a game of Monopoly afterwards, hoping the rain will come to a stop during the game.
"Sarah's having a party tonight," Marie voices as she moves her Monopoly piece across the board. "You're coming, right?"
"I can't," Remus says, eyebrows scrunched as he thinks about whether or not he should chance buying Park Lane or not.
"What? Why not?" Marie pouts.
"It's a full moon tonight and I'm a werewolf," he replies sarcastically. Well, Marie will think he's being sarcastic.
"Ha ha. You use that joke all the time, you should find a new one," she mutters, playing with the edge of one of her fake Monopoly notes. "Come on, why don't you want to go?"
"Maybe because the last party was a disaster," Remus raises an eyebrow.
Marie rolls her eyes. "That was- Billy won't be there. I checked with Sarah and she doesn't like him either, so. Will you come?"
"I can't," Remus repeats. He decides he will buy Park Lane and starts rearranging a few pieces, placing most of his money in the bank.
"You can't or you don't want to?" Marie tuts.
"I said I can't, didn't I?" Remus snaps. He curses to himself right after and slowly glances up at Marie, who does not look impressed at all. It's the full moon tonight, so his temper is a bit... temperamental today. Still, that's no excuse to start yelling at his girlfriend. She deserves better than that, especially since she went out of her way to check that Remus would be comfortable at the party.
"Sorry," he mumbles.
"No, it's fine," Marie shrugs stubbornly. "If you don't want to hang out with me, then that's just fine. Great, actually." She stands up, knocking the edge of the Monopoly board as she does and scattering the pieces across the board. "I'll just go then."
"What?" Remus stands, too. He can feel his anger returning again, he tries to bury it down within him. "We've seen each other every day this week. Of course, I want to see you. Don't be ridiculous."
"Oh, so I'm ridiculous now?" Marie scoffs.
Remus clenches his teeth together. "That's not- stop trying to make me seem like the bad guy."
"I was just trying to be nice and invite you someplace, so we could-"
"Yes, but I already told you I can't go!" Remus bursts. "You have no idea what's going on!"
It's sudden, so he has no chance of reversing it or trying to hide it, but he loses control of his magic. Something that only ever happens around the moon. He's never lost control around his Muggle friends before, not ever. He's afraid of hurting them, his magic is always stronger when the wolf is marching in.
The pieces scattered on the board shoot across the floor to the other side of the room at the same time the lights flicker and a couple of books come careening off the bookshelf.
Remus blinks.
Marie lets out a little yelp and jumps back. Max starts barking at the lights, giving Remus an instant migraine. He tries to breathe and presses a hand to his forehead, attempting to get himself under control. The lights flash once more before flickering off.
When he looks at Marie, she's watching him with wide eyes. She's never looked at him like this before and it hurts him a bit. She looks scared. He never wanted to frighten her.
"Marie," he tries to reach out to her but she takes another step back.
"No, just- just stay there !" She blinks furiously. "What was that? Remus- You-"
"I'm sorry," Remus whispers, folding in on himself. "I didn't mean to get angry. I'm sorry."
"Max," Marie calls, clicking her fingers. Max jumps across the room towards her and sits down next to her feet. "Remus, what the hell just happened?"
"Umm," he swallows. What the fuck does he do? He's never been in a situation like this before. It reminds him a bit of how his parents met. His tad had no choice but to explain the Wizarding World to his mam. Now, Remus is in a similar predicament, but doesn't that go against the statute of secrecy? He isn't one-hundred sure how it all works.
"Well?" Marie shouts.
Remus doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know- he doesn't-
His hands start to twitch and there's a blinding pain pulling at the muscles around his eyes. He clutches his head with one hand and feels as his body starts to writhe before he's even fallen. Marie calls his name right before he loses consciousness.
***
Thursday - 4th July, 1974
Marie
Marie doesn't know what to do.
What the fuck is she supposed to do? Her boyfriend somehow just sent stuff flying across the room and made the lights flicker like some Salem witch on their way to get burnt at the stake.
Gosh, Remus is magic. Like, actually magic.
Suddenly, she wonders if all those werewolf jokes were just that. A joke. Maybe they actually weren't. She doesn't think they have ever had any sleepovers on a full moon, not that she's checked. What normal person does that? Not her, that's for sure.
Anyway. She's getting distracted.
Remus drops in front of her before she can even blink. She worriedly calls out his name, already knowing what's happening. It's been so long since she's witnessed one of his seizures, she'd almost forgotten about them. Do his friends at his boarding school know? Do they know how to help him when he has one? She has so many questions.
Quickly, she rushes over to him and places a pillow from the couch under his head. There are tears filling her eyes; before she can think to blink them away, they fall. She sobs as she watches Remus - her Remus, always hers; she's loved him for so long - struggle on the floor. His parents aren't home and she can't leave him here alone. She doesn't know what to do.
Max is pacing in circles around her and Remus, like even he is growing anxious because of their situation.
It's a long one. Remus' body doesn't relax for almost ten minutes, when usually his seizures are only two or three minutes long. She sobs throughout the entire thing, brushes the hair away from his sweaty forehead and holds one of his twitching hands in hers. When his body finally settles, she presses a gently kiss to his hair and then runs into the kitchen and pulls the phone off the hook on the wall. She dials the number for Hope's bakery because she has no idea where Lyall is. He's always busy doing something or other nowadays, usually helping out around the village, like when Justine needed a hand at scrubbing the graffiti off the side of the Church.
The phone makes an odd static sound and then Hope's soft voice hums through the receiver. "Hello! Hope speaking, what can I do for you today?"
"Mrs Lupin," Marie's voice comes out croaky and she only realises then how dry her throat has become.
"Marie, sweetheart, is that you? What's wrong?"
"Remus had a seizure and Lyall isn't home. I didn't want to leave him on his own, but it was really bad. It lasted for ten minutes. I don't know what to do." Marie starts to cry again.
"Is he alright?" Hope asks, voice concerned.
"Yeah, I think so," Marie sniffles. "But he hasn't woken up yet."
"Right. I'm now on my way, okay, Marie?" She hears Hope say something else but it's muffled, so she assumes she isn't speaking to her. "How are you? Are you okay, fy nghariad."
"I'm fine," Marie responds. It's a lie, but her feelings aren't the primary issue at the moment.
"Okay. I'm going to hang up now. I'll see you in a couple of minutes."
"Alright," she manages. "See you."
Marie hangs the phone back up on the wall and makes her way back into the living room. Max is lying by Remus' head, licking his cheek. Marie smiles slightly at the sight. Remus is still, unfortunately, unconscious.
It doesn't take long at all for Hope to hurry through the door. Her cheeks are red like she ran up the road to get here and her hair is damp from the rain. She doesn't even bother to take off her shoes before rushing into the living room. She kneels beside Remus and Marie.
"What happened before? Anything to stress him out?" Hope asks, pressing her fingers to Remus' pulse to check how fast his heart is beating.
"Oh," Marie croaks and then instantly bursts into tears again.
"What?" Hope speaks tenderly, laying a calm hand against Marie's cheek. "What is it?"
"It's my fault," Marie sobs. "I- I think I made him angry, but I didn't mean to. He..." She remembers how the lights flickered and the Monopoly pieces moved on their own. "Remus did something."
Hope reels back, eyes wide. "What do you mean he did something?"
"No, nothing-" She goes to say nothing bad, not like terrible anyway, but she isn't sure if what he did was good or bad yet. "Is Remus magic?" She realises she must sound like a lunatic but she's too stressed to care very much. Besides, she knows Hope would never judge her; the woman's a saint.
Blinking in surprise, Hope gazes down at her son and brushes her other hand against his cheek, admiring him in the way a mother should. Marie's parents have never looked at her the way Remus' parents look at him. She's always been jealous of him for that.
"What happened?" Hope whispers, still looking at Remus.
"When he got angry, the lights started to flicker and he made those books fly off the shelf," she points over to the two novels lying face down on the rug. Hope's eyes follow her finger. "Also, the Monopoly pieces jumped everywhere."
"Oh, Remus," Hope mutters. She closes her eyes briefly, a wrinkle forms beneath her eyebrows. Then, when she opens them again, she trains them on Marie. "Yes, he's magic. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you not to tell anyone, not a soul. If you do, Remus will be in trouble."
"Trouble?" Marie gasps.
Wait. So, she isn't going crazy? Remus is magic? If his mam is confirming it, then it must be true. Hope Lupin is many things, but a liar is not one of them.
"With the Wizarding World's government," Hope explains. "Muggles aren't allowed to know about magic."
"Muggles ?" Marie grimaces.
"I know, bit of an ugly name for us, isn't it?" Hope chuckles. "It means people without magic."
"Us ? So, you aren't..." When Hope shakes her head, Marie frowns. "Wait. Are there others like Remus?"
"Yes, Lyall is a Wizard. Remus goes to a school for young Wizards and Witches. That's why we had to send him away." Marie watches as Hope's bottom lip trembles slightly, like maybe she didn't want her son to go to school in another country. This shouldn't have been the plan, but it was.
"Does that mean... Oh my goodness. So, Lily, James, Sirius? They were all magical, too?" Marie gapes as Hope, once again, nods. "How is this possible?"
"The world is a vast place that works in mysterious ways," Hope utters. "Others may ask how is it possible that people are born without magic? Which question would be more valid? We shall never know. You want to know what I think? We should all keep our minds open because the impossible is, in fact, possible."
"Does this mean he wasn't joking when he said he's a werewolf?"
"Oh, for goodness sake," Hope groans and looks back at Remus, shaking her head disapprovingly. "This boy truly is terrible at keeping his own secrets."
"It's true ?" Marie crows.
"Yes, and it is a very painful ordeal he has to go through every month for the rest of his life..." Hope proceeds to tell Marie all about what happened to Remus when he was only four. Four. Marie didn't even know him then. It makes her want to cry all over again. It is there, on the Lupins' living room floor, sitting beside Hope and Remus (who still hasn't woken up), with her dog pacing the space around her, that Marie discovers what a tragedy Remus Lupin's life is.
***
Monday - 15th July, 1974
James
James comes thundering down the stairs like his feet are on fire when he hears a knock at the front door. His mother beats him to the door and welcomes Mary in with a bright smile. She stands in the doorway and starts a conversation with Mary's parents, whilst Mary walks into the foyer. Spotting James, she drops her bags and hurries over to him. They clash in the middle and James lifts her off her feet, spinning her around in the air.
"Wotcher, Macdonald!" He grins into her curls and places her carefully on the floor.
"If I knew you were going to be that excited to see me, Potter, I would have come back sooner," Mary chuckles, poking his cheek lovingly.
"How was Puerto Rico?" James asks, going over to the foyer to grab Mary's bags. He waves at her parents and sends them both a quick smile before making his way over to the stairs.
"It was great. My grandparents have a pool now, so I spent half my time sunbathing out in their back garden." She raises her arm to show him her tan and he hums in approval, complimenting her on it. Mary grins. "It was so hot over there, I thought I was going to die."
They make it to the guest bedroom and Mary flops down on the bed she will be using for the next few nights. She props herself up on her elbows, resting her chin in the palms of her hands. "Did you get the letter I sent you?"
"Yeah," James replies, setting Mary's bags down on the floor next to her bed. He sits on the edge of the bed, so she doesn't have to move from her comfortable position to look at him. "So, any update on this cute boy you mentioned?"
Mary smirks and edges closer to him. "His name was Adrian and he was a year older than we are. Oh, you should have seen him, James. Looked like he had diamonds in his eyes, he did."
"When did you get a chance to talk to him?" James questions, lying down on his stomach so that they are now face-to-face. James notices Mary has little black lines drawn onto her eyes, something he's never seen on her face before. He knows it's makeup, but he doesn't know what it's called because his mother has never worn this type of makeup before.
"So, on the second to last night we went out to this restaurant in the city and he was there with his family. As it turns out, his padre is friends with my abuelo, so we ended up sharing a table. He sat down next to me and introduced himself," Mary grins, kicking her feet in the air above her. "Afterwards, we all went bowling-"
"What's that?"
Mary blinks. "Please, Potter, don't tell me you don't know what bowling is."
"Sorry," James shrugs.
"Oh, for shame!" Mary crows, dramatically rolling onto her back and pretending to stab herself in the chest with some invisible knife. "It's this fun Muggle thing where you throw these heavy balls at a punch of ten-pins and see who can knock over the most. Anyway, so Adrian was bragging about how good he was and then I immediately showed him who was the best."
"As you should," James agrees firmly.
"The next day, he came by my grandparents' house and asked if I wanted to go to the beach with him and some of his friends. So, we spent the whole day there together and on the way back, he pulled over on one of the roads-"
"He could drive?"
"Yeah, well, he was fifteen, so he had a driver's learning permit or whatever," Mary says, waving her hand through the air. "You only have to be fifteen to drive over there."
"Wow," James raises his eyebrows. "What were you saying?"
"Oh, right. So, he pulled over and he said he was really sad that I had to leave the next day. Then, asked if he could kiss me."
"And?" James inquires, thoroughly invested in Mary's summer romance in Puerto Rico.
"I kissed him," she shrugs. "Not my first kiss, by the way. It was the best though, by far."
"Oh, Merlin," James laughs. "Wait. Who else have you kissed?"
"If I told you that, I'd have to kill you."
"Really?"
"No, I'm only teasing. I kissed Martin Wood last December and Walter Smith back in second year for a dare. My first kiss was with Tony Rogers, a kid from my Muggle primary school. It was terrible."
"Who's Martin Wood?" James asks.
"Gryffindor, year above us. Ringing any bells?" When James shakes his had, she carries on. "He's tried out for the Gryffindor Keeper spot like a billion times but never gets it."
"Oh, yeah! How on earth did you end up kissing him?"
"He asked me out to Hogsmeade right before Christmas last year and I wasn't going to say no, was I?" Mary cackles and rolls back over onto her stomach. "Have you ever kissed anyone, James?"
"You know I have. Lily in second year." He blushes at the memory. It had been strange, but he's glad his first kiss was with Lily, someone he trusts, and someone he does love, even if it isn't in that way.
"Yeah, but other than her," Mary pushes.
"No," James mumbles. "Should I have kissed more people? Sirius has never kissed anyone."
"Really? He's gorgeous, so that's shocking."
"Yeah but he's gay, so who is he going to kiss? Pete?"
Mary snorts. "Right, yeah, I forgot. There's nothing wrong with not kissing people. Unless, you want to be kissing someone?"
"Mary," James smirks smugly at her. "I know I'm handsome, but I'm no Adrian-"
"Oh, gross." Mary reaches out and shoves his face away with one of her hands as James bursts into giggles. "No. You're like my brother. I was just thinking... you never liked Lily like that, did you?"
"No," James shakes his head now that he's calmed down a bit.
"So, you've never kissed anyone you like. Is that because you don't want to kiss people you don't care about or is it because you do like someone but, for whatever reason, you can't kiss them?"
"W-What?" He feels as his cheeks heat up and he has no idea why his body is having this reaction to this question. He doesn't like anyone, not as far as he is concerned. Unless, maybe- could he count Harry?
"Oh my god, you do, don't you?"
"No!" James jumps up off the bed. "I don't like anyone."
"Okay, I'm going to believe you for now because I'm a respectable woman," Mary says, standing up from the bed. "But if you do ever fall in love, promise to tell me about it?" She holds out her pinkie for him.
Sighing, James reaches out a pinkie and links it with Mary's. "I promise."
"Great! Now, let's do something. What is there to do around here?" She rests her hands on her hips, eyes moving around the room like an idea will present itself at any moment.
"We could go to the village. It's a Muggle one, so I don't really go down there much," James explains. "My parents have some Muggle money we can use. You might have to teach me how to figure it all out though."
"Alright, let's go." Mary fetches her sunglasses from one of her bags and places them on the bridge of her nose. She links her arm through one of James' and together they make their way downstairs.
Mary takes him into many, many shops. As it turns out, she brought her own money with her, so she ends up purchasing a lot of new clothes. James carries half of her bags, afraid she'll trip over them because of the sheer mass amount of them. They end up in a shoe shop and James remembers what his mother was telling him the other day, about how he needs new trainers because he wrecked his last pair in the rain.
He tells Mary this and she makes it her job to find him the perfect pair of shoes. They try on a bunch of different Muggle branded shoes, like Reebok, Nike, and Doc Martens. James quite likes the Reebok ones that Mary picks out, that is until his eyes fall upon the most beautiful pair of shoes he has ever seen.
"We have to get them immediately," James proclaims as he lifts the shoe up from the shelf, brandishing it like a God just gave it to him.
"Oh, you're a Converse boy," Mary states, smiling. "Yes, they are very nice. Do you want the high-top ones or not?"
"Which are these?" James asks, lifting the one in his hand.
"High-tops."
"These. I want this one," he exclaims. "I like the colour, too. It's so bright."
"Red," Mary says. "You're a Gryffindor through and through, aren't you?" She ruffles his hair fondly.
"I need these shoes, Mary."
"Alright, keep your knickers on. We'll get the shoes," she chuckles.
Ten minutes later, James is leaving the shop with his shoes in a box and a smile on his face. He can't wait to show them to everyone at Hogwarts.
Tuesday - 16th July, 1974
It's been ages since he's had a proper nightmare. Now, he usually just dreams about memories he has of Harry, he prefers it that way. Whilst it's happening, it feels like he still has his best friend.
He hasn't missed the nightmares.
"James ! Please, wake up. James. James !"
He screams himself awake, something he used to do often before he ever went to Hogwarts. His throat feels raw when he comes to and his eyes are crusty with dried tears. He expects to find his mother beside him when he looks up, but instead he sees a blurry version of Mary perched on the edge of his bed. He reaches to pick up his glasses from his bedside table and puts them on his face.
"Mary?" He rasps, throat dry from all the screaming.
"Are you okay?" Mary has never looked so scared. James doesn't think he's ever seen her scared before, now that he comes to think about it. "You were screaming."
"It was just a nightmare," James mumbles, feeling embarrassed.
"Just a nightmare?" Mary echoes. "James, you were screaming like someone was trying to kill you." At that, James flinches and Mary visibly softens. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, s'just something that happens sometimes," he shrugs.
Mary bites her lip and then moves to tuck herself into the bed right beside James. He turns onto his side to look at her. Her dark eyes gleam like an Ombud under the light of the moon. Mary is a very pretty girl, James has always known that. He's pretty sure he had a crush on her in second year, but that has long since passed and now he only views her as a friend. One of his best friends.
"How often do you get them?" Mary questions softly.
"I've been getting them since I was nine."
"Oh." He watches as a few questions flit through Mary's eyes. Eventually, she settles on, "Why do you get them?"
"When I was a kid, I had this best friend. He was... murdered," James gulps as the word expels itself from him. He feels sick even thinking it, let alone saying it aloud. Mary gasps almost silently, but James catches it. He can tell she wants to ask more of him, but she remains quiet. James decides he would like to tell her. The boys know, Regulus knows, he thinks Lily might know. If not, then he should probably tell her, too. Not because he has to, but because he trusts her. He trusts Mary, too.
"His name was Harry Wilkins. We were playing in the woods..." James recounts the entire tragic tale to Mary, who listens and doesn't interrupt him once. She reaches out to grab James' hand when he tells her about the morning they found Harry's body, when he ran out of the house thinking they'd recovered his best friend from the woods alive and well, only for him to be covered in his own blood.
"Not everyone knows," James mutters once he's finished. "It isn't something I like talking about."
"You still have nightmares about it," Mary says. It isn't a question but James nods anyway. "I can't even imagine it. You- you're so strong, James."
"What?"
"You get up everyday and you live. If I were you, I wouldn't be able to do that. You're the strongest person I know," Mary whispers, moving across the bed to give him a hug. James rests his head on her chest and feels as his own begins to rattle with sobs.
"There's something else," he admits in a small voice. Mary runs a hand through his hair in the same way his mother does, it soothes him a bit.
"You don't have to tell me," Mary offers.
"No, I- I need to. No one else knows this bit. I think I'm... I'm ready to tell someone," James chokes out. He lets himself catch his breath first before whispering, "I loved him."
"Of course, you did. He was your best friend."
"No, Mary," James pulls back and looks up at her. Their eyes meet and James watches as clarity bleeds into Mary's expression. "I loved him. More than I should've."
"Oh, James."
"No one else in the world knows," James feels his bottom lip quiver. "I think it's why I don't like other people, because I'm still in love with someone who can never love me back." Tears slide down his cheeks and Mary reaches forward to wipe them away.
"Darling, it's okay to still be in love with him. It's okay to be in love with him full stop. Love isn't an objective thing, it's like water. It runs deeply and can go anywhere and everywhere. And it will." She knocks her forehead against his. "Do you want to hear something my mum told me once?"
"Okay."
"You're going to fall in love more than once and it's okay if that love for the first person still lingers when you start to love another. It's okay. Even if you always feel it. So long as it's something as beautiful as love is, it can't be a bad thing."
"Really?" James pouts.
"Really," Mary promises. She kisses the tip of his nose fondly. "You will love Harry Wilkins until the day you die, but that doesn't mean you can't give another part of yourself to someone else, or multiple someone elses."
James laughs wetly. "I don't think that's a word."
"Yeah, well, the wisdom had to end at some point, didn't it?" Mary tuts, bringing a smile to James' face. "I love you. Do you love me?"
"Of course, I do," James replies with feeling.
"Good to know," Mary smirks. "I'm sure you love the rest of our friends, too. Remus, Sirius, Pete, Lily... If you can love more than one friend, why can't you love more than one soul?"
James has never thought about it like that before, but Mary makes a valid point. Could it be possible for him to love someone else one day? Will they care if he's still in love with a dead boy?
"You're smarter than you let on, Macdonald," James laughs.
"Yes, it's also wiser to hide your cleverness until you need to use it. People always underestimate people they think are dumber than them."
"Anyone would be a fool to underestimate you."
"Sweet." A cheeky smile makes it's way onto her face. "So, not straight then, Potter?"
"Apparently not," James replies sheepishly.
"Well, who is?" Mary shrugs. James' jaw drops as he stares at her.
"You?"
"Mm," Mary squints her eyes in thought. "Not sure yet. Rain check?"
"On... your sexuality?"
"Yes," she says, blinking.
"Alright then," James can't help but chuckle at the turn this conversation took. "Just promise to let me know if you ever figure it out." He holds out his pinkie to her, just as Mary did to him the previous afternoon.
"Promise." She wraps her pinkie around his.
Wednesday - 17th July, 1974
"Hey, get your own breakfast, Potter," Mary complains, swatting his hand away before he gets the chance to steal a grape from her plate.
"But the grapes are so far away," James whines.
"Here," Mary rolls her eyes as she passes James the grapes. "Honestly, the lack of effort is disheartening."
"She's right, James," Effie tuts. "Mary is a guest and your manners have been terrible this morning."
"Sorry, Mary. Sorry, mum," James says before impaling a grape with his fork and chucking it in his mouth. He misses and hits himself in the eye. Effie shakes her head at him.
"I apologise for James' lack of disposition. It's a bit sad, really. We raised him better than this," Monty shakes his head theatrically.
"Says you," James jabs jokingly. "Yesterday, I watched you accidentally spread honey on your apple instead of your toast because you were too busy reading the newspaper."
"And I'll have you know it made my apple all the more delicious," Monty counters, making the rest of them chuckle.
"We have apple trees out back," James explains to Mary before taking a sip from his drink. "Want to see the garden after breakfast?"
"Yeah, go on then."
Smiling, he picks up his copy of The Daily Prophet and reads the front cover. It mentions the Quidditch World Cup and James' stomach flips at the memory of having bumped into Regulus. He was so happy when Regulus asked to meet up each day and he almost cried when he met Regulus' Godson Nicholas. He was, by far, the cutest baby James has ever seen in his life.
His eyes trail down the rest of the front page until they snag on the image squeezed into the bottom, beside it a paragraph explaining what it's about. It's another picture of that dreaded skull in the sky. The snake drags it's way through the skull's mouth like some peculiar tongue. James' eyes jump over to the text beside the picture. He finds out a Muggleborn and her family were targeted this time. All dead.
Eleanor Berkshire was her name. James recognises the name immediately. She was named a Ravenclaw Prefect last year, which means she would have been going into her sixth year after the summer. Only sixteen, now she'll never get to turn seventeen.
The paper says she lived with her mother, her grandmother and her little brother.
He was only seven when he was killed.
Younger than Harry.
Just a child.
James and Mary busy themselves in the gardens for most of the day. They actively avoid bringing up what they read earlier. James can't think of it without feeling sick to his stomach and Mary keeps panicking that the same thing is going to happen to her family. She's a Muggleborn and she has a little sister who is only nine.
Instead, James takes her on a tour of the gardens. He shows her the grove of apple trees and the orchards, which stand on the west side of the garden. Eventually, they settle down on a clear patch of grass, squeezed between two rosebushes. James summons Mollie and asks her kindly to bring them a picnic and maybe a blanket. He offers for her to join them but she tells him that she's busy in the house today.
They eat their lunch and then spend an hour or so lying down and staring up at the sky. Mary asks him about Harry, nothing about what happened to him, but just inane questions that make James smile. He lets Mary ramble on about Charlotte, her little sister, for ages. Apparently, she's started to show off her magic skills to Mary, who is certain she will be receiving a Hogwarts letter in a couple of years.
They only return to the house when it's time for dinner. They clear up their picnic things and walk back through the garden. James avoids going anywhere near the woods and Mary doesn't ask him about it. He's sure she already understands why.
At dinner, James receives a letter from the Lupins' owl. He assumes it's from Remus until he notices the handwriting; he's surprised to discover it's a letter from Cara. It's been a couple of weeks since he's heard from her, so he assumed she was busy.
"Ooh, who's Cara?" Mary wiggles her eyebrows at him.
James rolls his eyes fondly. "One of Remus' friends from Wales."
"Boring," Mary frowns before turning back to her breakfast.
James unseals the letter and begins to read it.
James,
Sorry I haven't written to you for a while, a lot of things have been going on around here. First of all, did Remus tell you he's in a play? No? I'm going to assume you haven't the faintest idea what I'm on about because Remus is probably too embarrassed to tell you anyway. Well, he's playing the lead in Jekyll and Hyde. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's right boring.
I finally met Sirius. Phenomenon is the only word I can devise to describe him. I have a lot to say, so get comfortable.
We all went to this party, with Sirius, and Remus ended up getting in a fight with this dickhead called Billy Ronson. Felix and I stepped in to try and separate them and then Sirius came in. God, you should have seen him, James. He literally punched Billy right in his stupid face and he ended up having a black eye for two weeks! I think Sirius broke his hand, which is shit, but he didn't seem to regret it.
Believe it or not, that isn't the craziest thing that happened at this party. Again, get comfortable. Remus and Marie finally kissed. About bloody time really. Sirius and Hugo saw it and I'm like sixty percent sure Hugo has a thing for Marie, which isn't great. He's been quiet ever since it happened. I don't know if I should talk to him about it or not. I might just keep my mouth shut and see how things work out.
Whilst all of this was happening, Felix asked if he could talk to me, so I said yes. He took me upstairs to one of the empty rooms, so I thought he was about to tell me his cat died or something. Turns out, that isn't what he wanted to talk to me about. Instead, he decided to tell me how he's liked me since we were in year four, which is bonkers because that was like a hundred years ago. Also, as you know, I've liked him since year three. So. Yeah. That was unexpected. Then, I sort of... kissed him. Whoops. Well, not whoops, it was a fucking good kiss, James. But I didn't mean to do it then and there. It just... happened.
Moving on. I have a boyfriend now. So, that's nice. It's sort of funny because Felix and I are together now and so are Remus and Marie. Never would've predicted that for the future, but I'm not going to complain. Hugo should find someone because he needs to get over Marie - if he does like her, that is. I'm trying to get him to ask this girl Lottie out, she was in the play with Remus. I don't think he's interested though. I might just stop trying.
Speaking of the play, it was actually quite good. Don't tell Remus I said that, I have a reputation to uphold.
Alright, that's all the updates I have for you. In case you're wondering, Marie and Remus are doing well. They had their first fight a week or so ago, but they just came out the other side of it stronger. I've fought with Felix about one hundred times since we got together, but that's not important.
Come visit soon. You're still my favourite. I think. Actually, scratch that - Sirius is pretty cool. I guess you guys draw in second. Lily wins.
Cara.
"Oh my god," James guffaws. He pockets the letter and turns to find Mary and his parents watching him curiously. "Oh, sorry. I just had to find out Remus has a girlfriend through Cara. I feel betrayed but I'm also proud of him."
"Remus and Marie finally got together ?!" Mary shrieks. James nods excitedly and they both start talking at lightning speed over each other.
"Who's Marie?" Monty asks.
"She's one of his Muggle friends. She lives in Wales," James explains. "She's really nice and so pretty."
"Sounds like you want Marie to be your girlfriend," Effie comments with a snort.
"Nah. Remus has been pathetic over her forever," James waves his hand through the air dismissively. Suddenly, he turns to Mary. "What if they get married?!"
"Woah now," Mary holds up a finger. "They only just got together, right?"
"Yes, and?"
"They're fourteen," Mary states.
"Yes, and?"
She groans. "Oh, James."
"He's hopeless, isn't he?" Monty whispers, leaning across the table. Mary nods in agreement.
"Hey!" James moans.
"Oh, stop bullying him," says his mother. Then, in a baby voice, she asks James if he wants more potatoes.
Saturday - 27th July, 1974
On their last day together, Mary took James to the Muggle bowling alley in the village after his father informed them there was one down there. James was actually very good at the game and Mary said it was because he's a Chaser.
Mary left the next morning and James hasn't seen anyone since.
Today is Marlene's birthday party, even though her birthday isn't for a few days. So, James and the rest of their friends are going to stay at her house tonight. He can't wait. James has never been to Marlene's house before, but he knows Sirius has and he said it was beautiful.
His parents drop him off late afternoon and when he knocks on the door, Darius is the one to open it. James smiles up at his old Captain and is welcomed inside. Darius takes his backpack and shows James through to the living room where most of the guests are already waiting. Marlene is sitting on a couch between Mary and Edwin, whilst the other couch is occupied by the Prewett twins and Kamilla - Fabian's girlfriend. Alice, Frank, Azalia, Peter and Benji are sitting on the carpet between the two couches, whilst Molly Weasley (she's a Weasley now! ) takes up residence on the armchair in the corner of the room, Arthur not too far away.
James walks into the room and is immediately stampeded by Peter and Frank, who crush him in a hug so fierce, you'd think they hadn't seen him for years.
"Hello, everyone!" He calls out, grinning. "Happy early Birthday, Marlene."
"Thanks, Potter," she smiles and walks forward to pull Peter and Frank off him. "Give the boy a bit of room. Come on, we're still waiting on Lily, Remus, Sirius and Xeno."
"Xeno's coming," James beams.
"Yeah. He's catching a ride with Sirius."
James takes a seat on the floor with the rest of them. Bobby and Sybill walk in from the door on the other side of the room, a baby in their hands and James has a heart attack for a minute, thinking they've got a kid already, until Gideon - seeing his shock - explains that's Arthur and Molly's son Bill.
"Yep, and number two on the way already," Fabian snickers. "Never knew Molly was so freaky."
"Ew, that's your sister," Edwin grimaces, shivering in his seat.
"Aw, they're having another baby?" Peter asks the room.
"Yeah, she's adamant they're a girl and has named it Charlie," Marlene says. "I'm ninety percent sure it's a boy."
"It will be," Sybill confirms, taking a seat on the floor with the rest of the kids, much to James' amusement. Bobby squeezes onto the couch beside Edwin.
"Hey, Bobby," James waves at him. "How are you?"
"Good thanks. Work's been kicking my butt. You doin' alright at school?"
"Yeah," he shrugs. "What work do you do?"
"Something really boring," Darius answers before Bobby can. "He works in financing. My job is much better. I'm becoming an auror."
"You're not playing pro?" Azalia asks.
"Nah," Darius shakes his head. "Didn't want to ruin the game by having it be my job, you know?"
"I think you're being stupid," Marlene voices, arms crossed. "You should've just gone pro and moved to America or something. England's going to shit anyway."
"Language," Bobby scolds. Marlene ignores him.
"She just wants me to move away," Darius pouts. He walks over to the back of the couch and wraps his arms around Marlene's shoulders. She squirms. "Aw, you love me really."
"I really don't," she argues, still fighting to get away from her brother.
"Lily's here!" Arthur calls from somewhere behind them. Most of them get up and practically suffocate her in a hug.
"I didn't get this much attention when I showed up," James frowns.
"Yeah because you're not Lily freaking Evans," Alice jokes, nudging him in the side.
Remus shows up not long after, shortly followed by Sirius and Xeno. Marlene only gets up for Sirius, her clear favourite of the group. She kicks Bobby off the couch and tells Sirius to sit next to her. Xeno sits beside Benji and Lily on the floor. Sirius pointedly isn't looking at Remus, which James finds odd. Usually, those two are as thick as thieves.
"Sirius, you alright?" He whispers, careful not to draw anyone else's attention.
Sirius grins. "Yeah? Are you? How's your summer been?"
"Pretty good," James answers honestly. "What's up with you and Remus?"
"What? Nothing. Why, did he say something?"
"...No," James frowns. "You went to his house, right? I heard you broke your hand."
"Oh, yeah," Sirius grimaces. "Got in a fight. Hey, Cara is one feisty woman. Remind me to never get into an argument with her."
James snorts. "Yeah, she's great."
"Alright, children!" Darius yells, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. "The parents are out tonight and us grownups are babysitting you. We volunteered our important time and love and attention and-"
"Alright, I think that's enough," Bobby says, standing up from his spot on the floor beside Sybill. "Basically, the rules are don't kill anyone, don't break anything, don't ruin the house, and try your best not to throw up, but if you do then go to Arthur - he is the vomit man." Bobby points to Arthur, who waves back cheerfully. "Any questions?"
Marlene raises a hand. "Why do I think you would make a great teacher? You're giving teacher energy."
Snickers rumble through the small crowd of teenagers. Sybill agrees enthusiastically with Marlene and they share a high-five.
"Does anyone have any important questions?" Bobby repeats, ignoring his sister.
Sirius raises his hand. "Yes. So, how does one get into a job like financing?" He asks seriously.
Gideon and Fabian bust out laughing, which soon has everyone going. Bobby gives up and takes Bill from where he's now sitting in Edwin's lap, mumbling something about how he's going to go put the baby down for a nap.
"I'm confused," Lily says, leaning in to whisper. "Is this a drinking party?"
"Evans, I never thought this day would come!" Sirius grins.
"Yeah, it is. My parents said we weren't allowed, but luckily my brothers do have some cool qualities to them."
"Yeah, we're wicked," Edwin whispers, leaning into their little circle.
"Will this be the night we see Lily Evans drunk?" Sirius questions excitedly.
"Absolutely not," Lily huffs. "That day will never come."
"Sure, Lils," Sirius nods slowly. "Sure."
"What's for dinner?" Remus turns to Marlene.
"We're ordering pizza from the Muggle place down the road. If you don't like that, then we've got some snacks laid out in the kitchen," Marlene responds.
They all catch up for the first couple of hours before ordering the pizza. Molly leaves once dinner is over, taking baby Bill with her. James is sad to see them leave, but he knows it's for the best if the house is going to be full to the brim with drunk teenagers all night.
Darius and Edwin are the ones to break out the alcohol supply, but they wait until it's eight o'clock to do so. Something about not wanting to throw a lame party that ends before ten a.m. Lily and Xeno are the only two who decide not to drink, Xeno is definitely less judgmental about it. Bobby, Sybill and Stella also refuse to drink, but that's because they are trying to be "mature" chaperones, at least that's what Marlene said.
As soon as he's got a drink in him, James rushes over to Remus and starts asking him dozens of questions about Marie. Remus complains about how Cara told James when he wanted to do it, but James just laughs and says he's happy for him.
Gideon and Fabian are in charge of the music throughout the night and the only suggestions they accept are ones from Marlene, Remus and Sirius - the birthday girl and the only two people in the joint that have taste, apparently. James has taste! ABBA produce some very respectable music, just ask Mary, she'll agree with him.
It's fun partying in a place where they can be as loud as they want without the worry that McGonagall might discover they're rebelling and punish them. James ends up in a conversation with Sybill and Marlene.
"You have a very terrible future ahead," Sybill tells him and he spends the next five minutes frowning into his cup, whilst Marlene tries to assure him Sybill's lying.
"I'm not," Sybill says in a sing-song voice. "It is terrible, but that doesn't mean it has to end that way."
"Wow, that was oddly... optimistic of you," Marlene comments.
"I usually am optimistic," Sybill shrugs. "You just surround yourself with very tragic people, Marlene."
"Riiiiiight," Marlene's eyes widen. "I'm gonna go find Sirius. See you ladies later."
"I'm taking that as a compliment, McKinnon!" James yells after her. When he turns, he discovers that Sybill is gone. She just... vanished.
James goes to search for Remus and finds him drunkenly singing along to T-Rex's song Cosmic Dancer with Mary and Azalia.
"James!" Remus calls and waves him over. As soon as James is within his reach, Remus slings an arm over his shoulders. "Guess what! Something crazy happened."
"What?" James inquires eagerly.
"Marie found out about the whole being a Wizard thing," Remus' eyes widen comically and James can't help but let out a giggle. "And the other thing. You know," he winks dramatically, "the furry, little problem."
"She knows ?"
"Yeah! And she still likes me. Life's a gift, isn't it?" Remus grins dopily.
"Wow," James breathes. "A few weeks with Marie and you've found respect for your life. You want to know what I think, Remus? She's the magic one. Got that Muggle magic voo-joo- doo-voo- joo-doo- oh, whatever it's called. She's got it going on. It's a conspiracy, Remus."
"What is?" Remus shrieks.
"That Muggles don't have magic. They do! It's called... science !"
"Oh my god, you're so right. Muggles are magic!" They both fall into a chant of Muggles are magic, which draws the attention of Lily, Sirius and Xeno.
"What are you two prats going on about?" Lily sighs, sounding exasperated.
"Magic Muggles," Remus grins.
"They have science!" James adds, perhaps a bit over the top with his excitement.
"Yeah, they also have this thing that Wizards obviously lack," Lily says, pointedly staring between the boys. "It's called common sense."
"Oi, Evans!" James groans. "That's mean, don't be mean."
"No, no, she has a point," Sirius hums. "Yeah. The magic people rely a lot on these little sticks," he draws his wand out of his pocket. Lily quickly snatches it away from him and slides it in her own pocket, tutting. "Hey, Evans!"
"No! I will not let you get done for underage magic and then for underage drinking just because you're acting like an idiot," Lily snaps before crossing the room and sitting down on the couch beside Arthur.
"I wish Pandora was here," Xeno says with a sigh, breaking the awkward silence that entered the space between them when Lily left. "She always knows how to get Lily to smile."
"Shame she ain't here then," Mary frowns, taking a swig out of her cup. "Lily could do with chilling out a bit. The girl's always got her strings too tight, or whatever the saying is."
"I'll go talk to her," Xeno lifts his head boldly before sauntering across the room to Lily.
"Brave man," James mumbles, holding up his cup in cheers.
"Who's brave?" Marlene asks as she stumbles towards them, tripping over one of Edwin's legs on her way over. For some reason, he's laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling and mumbling something about unicorns.
"Xeno. He's approached the lion," Sirius explains, jabbing his finger drunkenly in the direction of Lily and Xeno. Arthur has moved away from the couches now and is standing with Bobby and Sybill in the doorway to the back room.
"Ah," Marlene nods. "Brave soldier."
"We should play a game!" Mary suggests loud enough that Remus flinches away from her, almost falling on top of James during his attempt to get away.
"What kind of game?"
"Would you rather," Sirius grins mischievously.
"Alright then," Marlene agrees. She staggers over to the middle of the room and steps up onto one of the couches, the one across from where Lily and Xeno are sitting. "Everyone! Guys, attention! You too, gingers," she points at Gideon and Fabian, who are snickering between themselves. They silence when they hear her, giving her a salute along with their undivided attention. "We're going to play Would you rather. Make a circle."
Everyone gathers around on the rug between the couches, all but Arthur, Sybill, Bobby and Stella. Marlene and Mary work together to explain the rules, in case anyone doesn't know the game.
"Alright, I'll go first," Marlene slurs, speaking at a much higher volume than James has ever heard her. "Would you rather live in a house underwater or live in the clouds?"
"Glad to know you're still innocent, Marls," Darius calls with a snort, raising his cup as if to toast her. Marlene sends him an offended look. "Definitely live in the clouds. Get me a broom and I can fly over to the cloud supermarket. Sounds like heaven to me."
Frank, Marlene, Azalia and James all agree immediately. Sirius says he would rather live underwater - the ocean, specifically - and Remus, Lily, Peter, Benji and Alice agree. Mary eventually decides on the ocean, saying she would love to fall in love with "some hot merfolk" (her words). Gideon agrees with her and earns a smack upside the head from Edwin, much to half of the group's confusion. Sirius and James share a smirk. Edwin says the sky, so he can get away from Gideon and his "fishy affairs." Fabian and Kamilla both say cloud houses, too.
"I'd like to live in the sea," Xeno says serenely. "So, I can still have Sirius as a neighbour."
"Aww, Xen," Sirius pulls him into his side.
"Okay, I'll go!" Edwin shouts over all the conversation. He sends an irritated glare Gideon's way, making Fabian let out a particularly loud snort. "Would you rather date Fabian or Gideon?"
"Ew, gross!" Marlene yells at the same time Fabian yells, "Myself, duh!"
"I'm gay enough to date myself," Gideon replies with a shrug, shocking a few people around the circle into silence. "Oh, right, some of you don't know. Yeah, I'm as gay as a ruler."
"Ruler's are straight, Gid," Edwin states in an exasperated voice, literally face-palming.
"A broken ruler then," Gideon shrugs. "Gay enough to date you."
Mary lets out the loudest gasp James has ever heard and then turns to Marlene and punches her in the arm. "Why did you never tell me Edwin and Gideon are together? That's, like, the best gossip ever!"
"Ow," Marlene rubs her arm. "S'not my business," she takes another sip out of her cup. "Anyway, I'm not dating none of ya. So, next question."
"My go!" Sirius announces. "Okay, umm..." Smirking, "Would you rather relive your life over again when you die or live in place of the person you fell in love with when you die?"
Oh, James isn't drunk enough for this.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
cariad = sweetheart (Welsh)
fy nghariad = my love (Welsh)
padre = father (Spanish)
abuelo = grandfather (Spanish)MENTIONS:
-Cara and Felix are finally together!! <3
-"Remus reaches out and, for the first time ever, Sirius steps away from him." That hurt to write 💔💔I feel so bad for everyone involved because Remus thinks he's done something wrong even though he hasn't, and Sirius is heartbroken but he knows he shouldn't be because it's not Remus' fault he has a crush on him. ugh.
-I have two things to point out: one, Remus sleeping between Marie and Sirius is very funny to me; two, Remus hated Marie touching his bitemark, but he doesn't mind it when it's Sirius 😏
-Marie and Remus are together. Some of you will be happy about that and some of you that are loyal to wolfstar might be yelling at the screen. There are reasons for everything I write and believe you me Marie and Remus' relationship is very important to the plot :)
-Lyall and Hope totally bet on who Remus was going to end up with, I love them <33
-Remus is being a theatre kid again! I chose Jekyll and Hyde because I did it a couple of years back for my GCSE's (which are exams taken at ages 15-16 in the UK), so I know too much about it and wanted to put my knowledge about it to use finally.
-MARIE HAD A POV!! Other characters will eventually get POVs too, but only when they have something to say.
-Marie and Hope are actually adorable <3 ALSO Marie knows he's magic! She also knows he's a werewolf...
-Mary and James' friendship <3
-In Puerto Rico, in the '70s, you only had to be 16 to drive, but if you had a learner's permit and a driver over the age of 16 in the car with you, you could legally drive. (The guy Mary was with technically drove illegally because their wasn't a driver over 16 in the car with him, but it was the '70s 🤷♀️
-James Potter and his red converses against the world 🥰
-James came out to someone! I'm actually so proud of him, you have no idea. He has been struggling for so long with this and I'm really glad Mary is the person he tells it to first. He deserves the world and more <3
-Mary is so wise <3 Also, her rain checking her coming-out-of-the-closet moment 😭😭 She is a Queen and I adore her so much
-I had to ruin it by adding some war angst in there. R.I.P. Eleanor Berkshire and her family 🙏
-Cara and James' friendship is so random but I love it and them <3 Also, a few people mentioned in their comments that they wanted to see one of the letters Cara sends to James, so there you go!
-I love it when they're all together! Also, the McKinnon boys are actually my pride and joy.
-Gideon "I'm as gay as a ruler" Prewett, he's so silly <3I feel like that chapter was a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm back at college now, so updates might take a little longer because I'm in my A-Level year (kill me aha). Updates will be every 7-10 days. Thanks for the comments/kudos/support! See you next week xx
Chapter 45: Fourth Year: The Sun
Summary:
Regulus turns fourteen. Fourth year begins. Sirius has a serious talk with Xeno. Mary finds out Sirius' secret. Try-outs for the Gryffindor Quidditch team commence.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention of unwanted arranged marriage(s)
-someone is forced into a non-consensual hug
-brief mention of child abuse scar(s)
-offensive term "munchkin" used to insult a small person/and "loony" used to insult a student
-Sirius struggles with the news of his adoption again
-someone twists their ankle as a result of bullying
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
If you want a place in the sun,
you've got to put up with a few blisters.
~ Abigail Van Buren
Monday - 12th August, 1974
Regulus
After consulting his extraneously detailed diagram of Grimmauld Place's labyrinth, Regulus takes a right-hand turn, hoping for the sake of his sanity that he is going the right way. He's been mapping out the maze now for eight weeks and has only gotten lost twice, which he thinks is pretty good going considering it's almost the size of Grimmauld itself.
He isn't one-hundred percent sure where the sudden obsession to learn the labyrinth originated from. Maybe he's just going stir-crazy being locked up in the same house as his mother. She's still in her cycle of inviting every single member of any Pureblood house in the country over for dinner. It's a tiring ordeal that has Regulus dreading the evenings. The labyrinth is a distraction from all of the Pureblood lunacy; also, Regulus likes the idea of knowing every single inch of where he lives by heart. It makes him feel safer, for some reason.
Last week, Walburga forced Regulus and his father out of the house to dine at the Carrows'. Regulus wouldn't recommend it. He spent the entire night beside Alecto, since Amycus was sitting beside his betrothed - Violetta Warwick. He thinks they were only invited over so that Mr Carrow could show off the successful match he's already made for his son. Scarlett was brought into the conversation by his mother far too many times for it to be natural.
Yes, there had definitely been some kind of competition going on that night.
Alecto spoke of nothing but Evan whenever she managed to capture Regulus' attention, which irritated him beyond anything. He had to remind her multiple times that Evan is with Holly Travers now (he knows they aren't technically together, especially by choice, but anything to get Alecto to back off), which only seemed to provoke her obscene mood swings more often. By the time dessert was served, she was ordered to her room by her father. She threw a fit the entire way there, her barney with the Carrows' house-elf bouncing down the corridor.
During the daytime, whenever he isn't busying himself with the labyrinth, he fills his free time by hanging out with Kreacher. He finished his school work back in July and his father is never free to speak with him anymore, not like he used to be when he was sick. Now, he's always at work, and whenever he is home he's busy working in his office.
The only thing that's gotten him through the lonely hours when even Kreacher has more things to do than Regulus does, is the sheet music Dorcas has been sending him. That and she's gotten into the habit of sending him Muggle books. It started after she mentioned this book she was reading and Regulus told her he had no idea what she was on about. The next day, Dorcas' owl delivered both Dorcas' next letter and two books he'd never heard of before then. One of them was the book she just finished reading, it was called The Secret Garden, and the other was a children's book titled Fantastic Mr Fox.
Not one to discourage Dorcas by not trusting her taste in literature, Regulus promised he would read them. He's just finished The Secret Garden and has to admit that Muggle literature is much more interesting than that of the fiction books in the Wizarding World. All the books written by Wizards and Witches are adventure books, which is fine until you realise they all end in the exact same way. Magic might seem revolutionary to the more indolent portion of the population, however it isn't very varied. At least Muggles have original ideas.
Regulus also felt cognate with Mary Lennox, who was mostly alone in a massive manor that didn't feel like a home to her. The only difference between the two of them being that Mary found Colin, and then Dickon and Ben and Martha. By the end of it, even the evil Mrs Medlock was gotten rid of, as well as her heinous brother Dr. Craven. If only Regulus could fire his mother from his house. Where Mary found a way to make Misselthwaite Manor her home, Regulus has done no such thing. The closest he has to family in this house are his father, his house-elf and the letters from his friends.
He keeps the Muggle things Dorcas sends him under the loose floorboard in his bedroom, so that his mother doesn't find them. She's always searching his room as if afraid she will one day discover he's brought home something not fitting for the Black heir.
Making his way out of the labyrinth, Regulus decides to go up to his bedroom and pull out the second book Dorcas sent him. Kreacher is engaged in the kitchen preparing dinner at the moment. Thankfully, there are no guests coming around the house today, not as far as Regulus knows anyway.
He sits down on the bench by his window, knees bent up close to him, the book resting atop of them. Sunlight bleeds through the glass, pouring out onto his book. He must be there for a couple of hours before Kreacher pops into his room and announces dinner is ready. Regulus thanks him and places a piece of paper between the pages, which have humble creases etched into them. It's obvious this is one of Dorcas' favourites, she must've read it dozens of times if the state of the spine is anything to go by. He's about halfway through it now and is enjoying it, so he will definitely be coming back to it tonight. He likes to read before he goes to bed, it helps to tire his eyes.
Regulus enters the dining room and finds it barren. Kreacher toddles in after him, a few dishes floating behind his head.
"Kreacher, are mother and father coming?" Regulus asks, slowly moving over to his seat. Kreacher lays out a serviette on his lap and then passes Regulus a knife and fork. He fills up his glass with a splash of Merlot, which Regulus is expected to drink each evening. It isn't enough to make him dizzy, but once when he was very little Narcissa let him have hers too and he spent the rest of the night jumping in and out of consciousness.
"Master and Mistress Black are to be having dinner elsewhere. They are telling Kreacher to inform Master Regulus to go straight to bed after dinner is to be being served," Kreacher responds, clicking his fingers. A portion of the pie he's cooked floats onto Regulus' plate, along with a few dozen peas and some other assorted vegetables. He has to duck as a potato almost hits him in the nose.
"Where are they?"
"Kreacher is not knowing."
Regulus would believe him if it weren't for the way the elf's ears start to anxiously flap around his head.
"Kreacher," Regulus presses.
"They is meeting with... friends," is all Kreacher says before marching out of the room and leaving Regulus alone.
Regulus eats his meal in silence, not bothering about holding his back straight to the chair if his mother isn't around to assess his posture. He doesn't eat very much, not having the appetite to scarf down all of the food Kreacher has prepared for him. Once he's decided he's had enough, he pushes his chair away from the table and makes his way back up to his room. He doesn't bother getting changed into his pyjamas before sinking into his bed with his book.
Almost as soon as he's started his sentence, there's a scratch at his bedroom window. Sighing, Regulus puts the book face-down on his pillow and drags himself across the room to let the owl in. It's Dorcas', which he doesn't expect because she sent him a letter only yesterday afternoon. They've mostly only been corresponding once a week, unless you count when she sent him those books only a day after getting his response.
With his curiosity getting the best of him, Regulus unties the letter from around the owl's leg and feeds the owl some of the nut-mix he keeps in his desk drawer. The owl hoots cheerfully before flying back out the window. Regulus closes it, not wanting any mosquitos to come in. He made that mistake a few weeks ago and ended up waking up covered in bites. He walks over to his bed, ripping open the envelope on his way there. He drops down onto his mattress carelessly and pulls out the letter.
Hi Regulus!
I don't have long, so this will be quick, but guess what. My mother went into labour in the middle of the night and she gave birth to my two new brothers! They are so cute and I can't wait for you to meet them one day. I've disclosed a picture of them in this letter because I want you to see them.
Okay, I have to go now. I still need to write to Scarlett. See you in three weeks!
Dorcas
P.S: They're names are Dayton and Darwin Meadowes.
Regulus grins as he holds up the small picture of Dorcas' twin baby brothers. The photo is only small, it has a white boarder around it and is motionless, which leads Regulus to assume Dorcas took it with a Muggle camera. The twins have tiny curls sprinkled across the arc of their heads and are wrapped up in duck-patterned blankets. Dorcas has written a small note on the back of the photograph:
Dayton and Darwin Meadowes
12.08.74
That evening he doesn't end up doing much reading, too distracted by all the letters that come to his window. It appears that all of his friends are very excited about Dorcas' news. Evan's letter informs him that he's had a terrible day spent with Holly Travers and her older brother Torquil, whilst Pandora's is filled with interesting stories about the dreams she's been having recently. She mentioned one about a lion pouncing out at her from the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts; Regulus assured her there were no lions in England, so that wouldn't happen and she shouldn't worry. Barty expresses his joy for Dorcas and then complains for the rest of his letter about how his father won't let him go and visit her because he's been in a mood recently. This immediately concerns Regulus, who knows what it means when Barty's father is "in a mood". Regulus just hopes Alice has been keeping him company.
Scarlett's letter comes last and Regulus isn't even sure if he can classify it as a letter. It only holds three words, none of which are about Dorcas or her new brothers, but are referring to the research she's been doing on anyone in the Wizarding World with the first name Andromeda.
Still found nothing.
He's had no such luck with finding anything in the birth records either, and has resulted to searching through the marriage records, which is taking him ages by the way. He's only gone through one year out of ten and he's been working on it all summer.
Sighing, Regulus resigns himself to bed for the rest of the night.
Sunday - 25th August, 1974
It's sunny on the morning of Regulus' fourteenth birthday. One day, he'll look back and find that fitting, but for now he grumbles and shoves his pillow over his head, trying to block out the light hitting his eyelids. He lays there for another half an hour, unable to recapture the euphoric dreamless sleep he managed to get last night, instead getting stuck in that in between sleep and being awake phase.
When he goes down to breakfast, his parents are already sitting at the table, apparently having been waiting for him. He smiles at his father and sends a polite nod his mother's way. She watches him like a hawk would watch a mouse, her hands folded and resting on top of the table. Once he's sat, she finally addresses him.
"Regulus, as you know today is your fourteenth birthday."
"Yes, mother, thank you for telling me," he replies, incapable of keeping the sarcastic tone out of his voice.
For once, she ignores this and carries on. "The Starks will be coming over for lunch and this afternoon you and Miss Stark shall have your portrait painted."
"Our portrait?" Regulus blinks, stunned. He probably should have seen this coming. His union with the Starks has been ongoing for almost two years and they are fourteen now; Scarlett will be fifteen in only a few weeks, so they will be expected to start thinking about the bonding ceremony between their two houses which will take place once they are both seventeen. It's something Wizards and Witches do before they get married, a way to tie their magic together so they remain loyal. Of course, it doesn't actually require the man at all, but the woman is the one who is tied to her betrothed; a sexist tradition that allows men to cheat, whilst women are forced to sit by and live with it.
Regulus only hopes Scarlett's plan includes breaking their deal before they are of age, otherwise they will have no choice but to actually get married. It hits him then that it's quite a big possibility. He might have to marry Scarlett one day, might have to father her children. The thought of it makes his stomach turn in the most abominable way. He doesn't want to marry Scarlett, she's his friend, one of his best friends, but that doesn't mean he wants her to be his wife. Fear stabs at him as he imagines it. Hopefully, Scarlett's plan will work out and they will be broken up very soon.
"Correct. This evening, we have some family coming to celebrate with you for your birthday," his mother adds. Regulus perks up at the idea that he might get to see Narcissa and Nicholas today. Unfortunately, there's also a high chance he will have to deal with Bellatrix tonight, but he can handle her so long as Narcissa is here.
He nods and starts buttering his toast. He's curious to know if Scarlett has any idea what their parents have planned for them this afternoon. She probably does and loathes the plan as much as he does. This just means he will have to walk past a picture of himself and Scarlett hung up on the wall of his house for years to come, or until Scarlett ends this. He wonders if she will wait until his seventeenth birthday to call it off, as a way of saving both of them from their parents' decisions, as by then they will both be of age to choose their own matches. Regulus doesn't have anyone in mind at the moment, but he hasn't let himself forget about the apparent love he will have in the future, according to Pandora. Is it someone he already knows or would he not even recognise them if someone pointed them out to him now? Will he actually be in love with them or will he just settle? Will he be trapped just as his father was?
Once he's finished his breakfast, he excuses himself from the table and makes the trip up to the library. For the next hour, he goes through more marriage records, an endless list of names, an endless list of nobodies. No Andromedas. No one of use to him.
Disappointed, he returns to his bedroom and dresses himself in the robes waiting for him patiently on his bed. He assumes his mother sent them up here with Kreacher. They're finer than any he's had in the past, which is saying something. Walburga Black is anything but a gaudy woman. Regulus is considering getting that written on her tombstone.
He makes sure his hair is sitting neatly on his head before going down. He got it cut last week, so it now sits just above his ears and makes him look even younger than he already does. Honestly. He doesn't look fourteen, perhaps he could just about get away with being twelve. Although, even then, his chances are slim.
The Starks are arriving through the Floo just as Regulus enters the room. Scarlett is wearing midnight blue, silky robes that bring out her darker complexion and the green in her eyes. Her hair is done up in some sort of knot on the back of her head. There are a few curls that look like they have been glued to the side of her head, introducing an elegance to her appearance that brings together the whole look.
Regulus moves forward to hug her and is surprised to find that he must have grown at least a bit this summer because, for the first time since knowing Scarlett, he is taller than her. It's only by half an inch, but he is still proud of it and will be bragging to her about it when they are back at Hogwarts.
"Happy birthday, Regulus," Scarlett smiles and pulls him into a hug. "You're hair is different."
"Yeah, I got it cut," Regulus says stupidly. Scarlett smirks at him and he can tell she is supressing the urge to laugh at his idiocy. Trying to save face, he gestures to her, "You look very beautiful."
"Thank you," she responds, looping her arm through his and moving in the direction of the door. Leaning in, she whispers, "Bit much, isn't it?"
"Oh, so you don't know."
"What?" Scarlett trains her eyes on him.
"We're supposed to be getting our portrait painted today," Regulus states quietly.
"What?" She makes a small grumbling noise in the back of her throat. "They didn't tell me."
"Your mother probably knows you would have tried to run away."
"Yes and she would have been correct," Scarlett huffs. Regulus squeezes her arm comfortingly. Sighing, she turns to smile at him. "It doesn't matter. It's your birthday today and I got you a gift."
"You didn't have to-"
"Oh, shush," she silences him. "You don't have to give me any of that nonsense. After the present you got me last year, I had to get you something. It was a hard act to follow though, I'll admit."
"So, what is it?" Regulus asks.
"You don't get it now," Scarlett smirks evilly. "You'll have to wait until next week when we're back at Hogwarts."
"Brilliant," Regulus rolls his eyes. "Now I'll be waiting in anticipation forever."
"You are so dramatic."
They step into the dining room and have to put their conversation on hold for the meantime. They sit side-by-side whilst Scarlett's parents sit opposite them and Regulus' parents take their usual seats at either end of the table.
Lunch is a dreary affair that Regulus only just manages to survive. He is sure that were it not for Scarlett's presence, or were he currently engaged to anyone else, he would have passed away from sheer boredom by now. Their parents spend the hour speaking about politics, which Regulus honestly could not care less about. Scarlett keeps him amused throughout the meal by sending him dramatically wretched looks when their parents aren't watching.
Afterwards, they are led to the library, where there is a portraitist sitting on a wooden stool that looks like it's ready to give out at any minute. Standing in front of him is an easel that holds a large, empty canvas. Paintbrushes are neatly arranged out on a side table, along with what must be one-hundred different colours of paint. Walburga walks them over to the backless chaise across from the man, he watches them go, an eager glint in his eye as he examines them.
Regulus is relieved when their parents leave the room; he'd been afraid his mother would stay and criticise the entire ordeal. The man in front of them orders them to sit a certain way and hold their backs at a specific angle. He orders Scarlett to rest a hand on Regulus' knee, which she does without complaint, her mask of indifference firmly in place.
They sit there in silence for what feels like years and must be hours. The swipe of brush across canvas and the pop of a paint tube opening are all the things he hears. The portraitist doesn't even offer them a name or attempt to speak to them at all. Every now and then, Regulus' eyes jump over to Scarlett. She doesn't look at him once, remaining regal.
He has a lot of time to think during those hours and he finds himself wishing he could love her as more than a friend. He would be an idiot to not realise how fantastic she is, and blind to deny her beauty. There is no reason for him to find her unattractive or unappealing, and yet... he isn't attracted to her at all. When he really thinks about it, he realises he has never liked anyone in that way before. Is that normal? Shouldn't he be getting crushes at his age? Everyone else seems to be doing so. By the time Easter rolled around last year, Barty was spending half of his time flirting with every and any girl he could get to speak to him. Evan has never admitted to having a crush on anyone, but Regulus thinks he does. He's walked in on a few conversations taking place between Pandora and Evan over the years and has only ever heard the tail-end of sentences, but all were incriminating enough for Regulus to discover that Evan fancies someone. He still doesn't know who it is and isn't interested in finding out if Evan is purposefully keeping it a secret.
Pandora is different. She has her whole future planned out, including who she will date, Regulus is sure of it. He never asks her about it because he knows how upset it makes her when he shows any interest in what their future holds.
Dorcas has also never showed interest in anyone before, but Regulus thought back in first year that she and Barty might end up together. They are very close and she seems able to tolerate him, even during his more insufferable moments.
Then, there's Scarlett. All he knows about her romantic life is that it is temporarily inactive, due to their fake engagement that nobody else knows is fake but the two of them. He knows she is as unattracted to him as he is to her, which has done fabulous things for his already non-existent ego. There are times when they are together and he wonders if she ever feels anything, anything at all. Again, he wishes he did, but he doesn't. It scares him sometimes. What if he won't ever fall in love? What if he can't?
He wants to. He really wants to. When he was little, he used to wish on the stars that he would be saved from his mother one day. That someone, anyone at all, would whisk him away and he would never have to come back to this house. A silly thought, unrealistic at the very least.
And yet, the naïve boy inside of him still wishes it.
That evening, Narcissa and Bellatrix (as well as their husbands and Nicholas, of course) are not the only visitors Regulus gets for his birthday. He sighs as his uncle Cygnus and aunt Druella enter through the fireplace. An ignorant part of him hopes that Alphard will pop up next, but he never does. Instead, when Bellatrix and Rodolphus step into the sitting room, they bring with them Rabastan.
Dinner is even worse than lunch. Bellatrix starts frenziedly explaining the attack that was mentioned in the paper this morning. Another innocent family attacked, more children murdered. Regulus is subtle as he glares at her. She starts complimenting the terrorists for their imagination at one point and Regulus hears himself yell at her in his mind. He is surprised he doesn't accidentally provoke his legilimency.
It is a wonder how he is able to control himself throughout the entire dinner, especially when Bellatrix starts to comment on his height, or lack thereof. He retorts by stating the fact that he's as tall as her now and she is a full-grown woman. At that, she attempts to throw herself across the table at him, but Narcissa manages to keep her down in her seat. Bellatrix has always had a few screws loose- actually, never mind loose, those screws were never there to begin with. If they were then they are in lost and found now, never to be seen again.
He almost cries with relief when the guests leave and his mother dismisses him to his bedroom. This has been one of the most trialling birthdays he has ever had. On his way up the stairs, he passes the portrait of himself and Scarlett hung up on the wall of the landing. There's a smirk curling at Scarlett's lips and Regulus is impressed that the painter managed to notice such an opaque detail. His eyes are painted a stormy grey and he can't tell if that is accurate or not. He swears in some lighting, his eyes shine blue, but maybe he's just imagining things.
Once he's tucked himself in bed, already cosy in his pyjamas, he pulls out the newest book from Dorcas that he keeps under his pillow. He finished Fantastic Mr Fox weeks ago and has now moved onto a book called The Wizard of Oz. Regulus is convinced that there is no such place. Also, there is no way this book wasn't written by a Wizard or a Witch. That tornado incident at the beginning sounded more like apparition to him. He's only a little ways through the book, Dorothy has just discovered the heartless tin-man, so he's still got quite a lot to read through.
He makes it through to the part where Dorothy approaches a cowardly lion when he is interrupted by the sound of something tapping at his window. Frowning, he puts his book down and tiptoes over to the window, careful not to step on the loose floorboard a couple of steps away. His friends already sent him letters - and a few gifts - that arrived this morning; perhaps it's another letter containing a picture of Dorcas' brothers. Merlin knows he has enough for a picture book by now and it's only been two weeks since they were born.
Pulling the window open, he allows the owl to flutter in. It doesn't look like Dorcas' owl, in fact he's never seen this one before. It lands on his desk and holds out it's leg kindly. Whoever's owl it is, they've trained it well. Regulus unties the letter from it's leg, feeds it some peanuts and then watches as it soars back into the night. He hadn't realised it'd grown dark out until now.
He holds the letter in both hands all the way to his bed, where he sits down, cross-legged on the duvet. Tucking a curl behind his ear, he pulls the envelope open, having no clue what to expect. He vaguely recognises the handwriting on the front of it, which means it must be someone he knows, but he can't think of who-
Oh.
Oh, Regulus can't even be mad at him for going against what he said because he remembered his birthday. It's been almost three years to the day since he told him and he remembered anyway. Pulling out the letter, he comes face-to-face with James' handwriting. A smile twists the corners of his lips against his will.
Reg,
I know we made a deal but I had to break it. It's been hard enough keeping my word for the last three months. This will only be quick though, I promise. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, since I've never gotten the chance to do it before. I hope you've had a good day, one for the ages. Merlin knows you deserve it. If you haven't, let me make it up for you when we return to school?
We should meet on the train, just like we have every year, even if all the other times have been coincidental. I miss you.
The Sun
Regulus grins at the funny nickname. He knows it's James' way of saying it's him without actually putting his name on the thing. It's smart of him. This way, if Regulus' mother finds it, she won't have a clue who it's from. It isn't damning enough for her to accuse him of anything - like being friends with a Potter. She would call James a blood-traitor and Regulus would hate her for it.
Feeling warm, Regulus shuffles across the room and places James' letter underneath the loose floorboard, along with all the sheet music Dorcas has sent him and a few presents he's received over the years that his mother wouldn't approve of.
He tucks the letter away with the rest of the good in his life and falls back into his bed with a smile gracing his face.
Just one more week.
One more week and then he gets to see James again.
Sunday - 1st September, 1974
Kreacher apparates him to the station this year and Regulus is grateful for it. He doesn't want to risk running into James with his mother again. It was already scary when it happened the first time, let alone if it happened a second. There are still twenty minutes until the train takes off, so the station is a bit barren when they arrive. Regulus has his letter from James firmly tucked in the inside pocket of his robe. He likes to keep it by him as much as he can without it getting noticed by his mother. Something about owning a thing that James gave him makes it precious to him.
He says goodbye to Kreacher and drops his trunk off in the pile of other people's trunks, which are being stored away by a Wizard. He keeps his school satchel by his side, a book from Dorcas stored inside, along with a chocolate frog in case he gets hungry before the trolley Witch finds him. He boards the train and starts searching for the usual compartment he shares with his friends.
Regulus is leisurely walking down the aisle of the train when a hand shoots out of a compartment to his side and drags him in. With a small yelp, he loses his balance and lets himself be pulled. He whips his wand out at the same time he pushes whoever is pulling him about against the closed compartment door. His wand presses sharply into the underside of someone's jaw. Regulus meets their warm gaze with a harsh glare and only when he notices those golden-brown eyes does he allow himself to relax.
"James," he sighs, dropping his wand and tucking it back in his pocket.
"Yes, hello," James grins as he subconsciously rubs the spot on his jaw where Regulus' wand was just jabbing him. He wonders if he hurt him.
"You can't go around grabbing people out of thin air, you know," Regulus says with a huff before dropping down into one of the seats.
"Sorry," James winces, cautiously sitting down opposite him. "I just didn't think you would appreciate it if we got caught."
"I wouldn't have had to worry about anything at all had you left me alone."
"Then, I wouldn't get to see you."
Regulus goes to retort, but then realises James isn't trying to argue with him. In fact, he's being sweet and Regulus is being quite rude. Looking at the boy across from him, he lets his mouth curl up in a soft smile. James beams back at him and then, in a move Regulus doesn't expect, heaves himself across the space and sits down beside him, only leaving enough room between them for an ant to fill the space.
"Hello," Regulus chuckles.
"Are you mad at me?" James grimaces and glances down at the seat. Regulus notices James' hands are clenching at the edge of the seat, as if afraid he will fall off of it or something.
"Why would I be mad at you?" Regulus asks, attention still drawn to James' hands. James has changed a bit over the summer, even in the two months since Regulus last saw him. His hands are bigger, if that's even possible. Can hands grow in two months? Well, James' have. Regulus can tell. Not that he spends any substantial amount of time looking at James' hands, it's just obvious. Then, there's his hair. It's usual black colour has been dyed mahogany by the sun.
Regulus' eyes trail down James' face as he realises it isn't just his hair and hands that have changed since he last saw the boy. His jaw has sharpened a bit, enough to create a shadow in the hollow part of his neck. His face is sun-kissed, slightly pink on the apples of his cheeks. His skin is darker, like molten copper, and his shoulders have broadened over the summer.
"Regulus?" James' voice snaps him back into himself and Regulus finds himself blushing after being caught. He must have been staring, how rude.
"Sorry, what were you saying?" He swallows nervously.
"I sent you a letter even though you told me not to," James explains. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," Regulus nods. He shuffles across the bench, closer to the window, to give them a bit more space. James frowns as he watches him move away, he looks confused. "I don't mind that you sent me the letter, James. It was... nice. Smart of you to not use your real name."
"Really?" James scratches the back of his neck anxiously. "Are you sure it wasn't stupid? I felt like an idiot after sending it."
"I thought it was a good idea," Regulus shrugs. "Plus, that way only you and I will know what it means."
"Yeah, exactly," James perks up, grinning again. It makes Regulus' chest warm. "That's what I was going for."
That's another thing that has changed. James' voice. It's deeper now and rumbles a bit in his throat. Regulus is embarrassed - his voice still croaks around some words. He grew a bit over the summer, enough to overtake Narcissa's height. He wonders how tall James is now.
"I should probably go and find my friends now," Regulus announces, shooting up from his seat and going over to the door. Before his hand can reach the handle, James rests his hand over Regulus', who turns and finds James towering over him. Yes, well, he definitely grew this summer, too. Regulus' head barely reaches his chin! The universe must just be pulling some cruel prank on him at this point.
"Will you be at the tower tonight?" James asks, eyes earnest.
Regulus bites his lip in contemplation just to see James squirm. Then, he clicks his tongue and nonchalantly utters, "I guess I could drop by."
James laughs softly. "Alright. See you later, Reg."
"Bye, Potter."
At the welcome back feast, Evan has to fend off Alecto, who tries to pull him into a hug, telling him over and over again about how much she missed him this summer. In the end, Barty swaps seats with him and Alecto spends the rest of the meal glaring at Scarlett, who is now sitting beside Evan.
"I still can't believe you got to go the Quidditch World Cup," Evan pouts.
"I'm sorry you couldn't go, but-" Regulus reaches his hand down into his bag and pulls out the little action-figure of Evan's favourite Syrian Quidditch player Zahak Osman. Evan's eyes widen as he takes it from Regulus' waiting palm.
"Thanks, Regulus," Evan grins. Regulus shrugs in response and continues to pick at his dinner. He isn't very hungry, he ate a lot on the train.
"Hey, Reggie," Pandora taps his forearm and Regulus turns to give her his full attention. "Would you like to know your flower for this year?"
"Will I know what this one is?" He questions and Pandora nods. "Okay."
"A pink rose," Pandora giggles.
"Right, so I'm going to have an eventful Valentine's Day?" Regulus jokes. His eyes snag on Scarlett across the table. She's speaking with Evan and Dorcas and has that determined look in her eye that makes Regulus think she's probably talking about house-elves.
"Not quite," Pandora snorts. Her expression turns more morose. "This year will be a good year."
"Then, why do you look so sad?"
"It won't be a good year for everyone." Pandora's eyes haze over as her gaze lands on something on the other side of the Great Hall. Then, as if the last ten seconds never happened, Pandora blinks and smiles at him. "So, how was your summer?"
When they arrive at the dungeons, Pandora with them, they all make their way up to the boys' dormitory. Dorcas instantly drops herself onto Barty's bed, which is just as well because Barty instinctively collapses onto Evan's. Rolling his eyes, Evan crosses the room and pushes Barty along enough for him to sit down, grumbling about how it's his bed and Barty should go and get his own.
Pandora and Scarlett sit on Regulus' bed, leaving enough room between them for him to join them.
"It's time for your present now," Scarlett announces, pulling a package out of her bag. "Here."
Regulus takes the present and slowly starts to peal away the paper, revealing a velvet, dark-green-coloured bag. Once he properly frees it from the paper, he realises it's more of a pouch than a bag. It's been stitched with a design of stars, specifically the Regulus constellation. He traces it with the tip of his finger.
"Scarlett, it's beautiful," Regulus breathes. He looks at her and smiles. From across the room, Barty wolf-whistles and Evan pushes him onto the floor. "Thanks," Regulus says and Evan nods in solidarity.
"It's got an undetectable extension charm on it, so you can hide anything we give you when you're at home in there instead of under some dusty floorboard," Scarlett explains, taking the bag from Regulus' hand and demonstrating by sinking her arm into the thing. Her entire arm disappears, much to Barty's amazement, who jumps across the room and gasps.
"Aren't those illegal?" Barty pulls it away from Scarlett's arm and starts examining it closely.
"Yes, they are," Scarlett tuts, grabbing the bag back from Barty and passing it to Regulus. "It doesn't matter, so long as no one finds it."
"Thank you, Scarlett. I really appreciate it," Regulus says.
Regulus already received presents for his birthday from Barty, Dorcas and Evan; they sent theirs in the post. Pandora always gives Regulus his present on the first night back, so he's sort of expecting it when she passes him a parcel too.
Just as it has been for the past couple of years, the gift Pandora made for Regulus is a pair of gloves. These ones are a brown-red colour that remind Regulus of autumn. He thanks her and offers a hug, which Pandora accepts eagerly.
They spend the rest of the evening catching up and sharing what they got up to over the summer. Evan and Barty walk Pandora back to Ravenclaw Tower just before curfew hits, which is when Dorcas and Scarlett decide to finally head to their dormitory. As they reach the door to leave, Dorcas' eyes fall upon Regulus and Scarlett expectantly. He'd almost forgotten that his friends don't know that their relationship is fake.
Scarlett sends him a look and then steps forward and pulls him into a hug. It doesn't last very long, just enough for Dorcas not to grow suspicious. Regulus presses a brief kiss to Scarlett's cheek and she smiles at him before leaving the room. Regulus listens as Dorcas and Scarlett whisper between themselves all the way down the stairs, until their voices grow too quiet for him to hear them.
He gets ready for bed and then waits for Barty and Evan to return. Regulus sits in his bed and looks at the moon reflecting against the top of the lake, creating a beam that shines through the water.
The moon is full, he realises as he reaches the tower. He had to wait until Evan and Barty were asleep before he could leave, so by the time he gets there James is already waiting for him. He isn't at the edge of the tower, instead he is leant against the wall beside the door.
"When did you get here?" Regulus asks.
"A few minutes ago," James replies honestly. "I had to wait ages for Sirius to fall asleep. He is always so hyper on the first day back."
"Barty is the same," Regulus sighs. "He tried to drag me into a pillow fight, so I spelled my curtains shut and had to listen to him throwing pillows at it for half an hour."
James laughs. "So, shall we?" Pompously, he flourishes his hand towards the railing.
"We shall," Regulus nods once. They sit down closely to one another, so unlike this time last year when Regulus was pretending to hate James. He can't believe it's almost been a year since that first night in the tower. A whole year since Regulus slid under the railing and scared the living daylights out of James.
"I can't wait for it to snow," James whispers. He's looking over the grounds like he's waiting for a snowstorm to blow in at any moment.
"What's so special about snow?"
James' jaw drops. "You're joking, right? Snow is beautiful and it's fun and you can make snowmen with it-"
"I've never made a snowman before," Regulus mumbles.
"Okay, now you must be joking."
"I'm not," he shrugs.
"Well, then," James somehow manages to slide even closer, until their thighs are touching. "When the snow finally falls, I'm taking you to build a snowman."
"Why?"
"Because it is an experience everyone needs in their life, at least once." James' expression turns bashful. "Besides, it will be fun and we can do it together."
"Okay," Regulus agrees, reaching up to nervously itch his collarbone. It's a habit he's picked up ever since his mother cursed him there. It doesn't irritate him anymore, but there are days when he forgets it isn't still bothering him and it feels like it is - a phantom itch.
James' eyes follow his hand's movement and Regulus watches the moment James freezes. The moment his joyful expression scrunches up in bepuzzlement and then drops into something more guarded. Regulus pulls the collar of his nightshirt over his skin and pretends he didn't notice anything.
They sit in silence for an uncomfortable minute and when Regulus finally finds the courage to look at the other boy again, he finds James angrily staring at him.
"James?"
James blinks harshly and look directly into his eyes. Then, in one swift motion, James is up on his feet and moving across the tower towards the door. Regulus stands and calls his name again, but when James doesn't respond, Regulus says it more sharply. James' footfalls come to a halt. He isn't looking at Regulus, he has his back to him.
"Where are you going?" Regulus asks in a small voice.
James turns enough for Regulus to see his side profile. He looks upset. "You promised."
Regulus feels as his own walls start to pull up and he hates himself for it. It's been months since he hid himself from James and now he can't help it. Suddenly, he feels too exposed, too raw. In a cold voice, he mumbles, "She was in a mood."
Apparently shocked by Regulus' tone, James finally looks at him, turning around fully so that Regulus can see all of him. Incredulously, he repeats, "She was in a mood ?"
Sighing, Regulus walks forward, completely ignoring James as he passes him and goes over to the door. "Yes and, quite frankly, Potter, it's none of your business."
"It is my business," James retorts, striding up to stand before Regulus. "I'm your friend."
Giving him a once over, Regulus lets out a hmph sound and exits the tower, leaving James alone. He doesn't look back once, not until he reaches the Slytherin common room, where he slouches into one of the armchairs by the fireplace. Frustrated, he lets out a grumbling noise and crosses his arms over his chest. He hadn't meant to start a fight with James but he couldn't exactly stop it, could he? James was talking about his mother and Regulus- well, let's just say, he doesn't want to talk about her. He likes to think about Walburga as little as he can whilst he's at school.
The fire is still crackling in the fireplace and Regulus watches it until his pupils feel like they're going to burn out of his head. Only then, with light spots littering his vision, does he go to bed. He doesn't sleep very well that night.
Monday - 2nd September, 1974
At breakfast, everyone receives their timetables. Regulus discovers that he shares each of his lessons with at least one of his friends this year. Barty brings up the topic of conversation of what their new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher will be like. Last year's Professor Shauna apparently moved to Brazil and so she won't be returning to teach this year. It's the fourth year in a row that they have begun the school year with a different teacher. They have had five total if you count Professor Fortescue, who showed up for the last couple of months of their first year after their professor left in the middle of the night.
"What's his name again?" Evan asks.
"Professor Pritchett," Barty answers, dishing a ladle-full of beans onto his toast. "He looks really tough, bet I can get him to smile first."
"More like have him send you straight to detention," Scarlett mumbles. Barty flicks a strand of her hair, which makes Scarlett pull at a chunk of his and from there it's Wizarding World War Two. Regulus rolls his eyes at them and turns to Evan. Pandora isn't sitting with them this morning, instead deciding to sit with her Ravenclaw friends.
"I'm assuming you and Scarlett are sitting together in Transfiguration?" Evan raises an eyebrow. Regulus shrugs. "Yeah, I guessed. If McGonagall tries to sit Amycus or one of his idiots next to me, I'm pushing you to the floor and sitting with Scarlett."
Regulus lets out a quiet laugh. "What about Defence? Based on what I've heard of him so far, it sounds like Professor Pritchett is going to have a seating plan."
Evan groans. "I always end up with the worst partner. He'll probably pair me up with someone like Tonks or Mulciber."
"For all you know, they might not even be in our class," Regulus assures him. "Besides, we're always doing practicals in Defence, so we will probably end up being moved around a lot."
"I suppose," Evan sighs as he scans his eyes down his timetable. "How many free periods do you have today?"
"Just one, fourth period," Regulus responds before getting up out of his seat. "Come on, I don't want McGonagall yelling at us for being tardy."
"I don't think we'll have to worry about that this year," Scarlett says from across the table, catching both boys' attention. "Barty is in the other class." With an offended huff, Barty stands from the table, dragging Dorcas with him because they both have a free period this morning.
"Sometimes, I can't tell if you guys actually hate each other or if it's all a big joke," Evan says as they make their way to the exit of the Great Hall.
"We hate each other," Scarlett confirms.
"Excellent," Regulus mutters.
They have Transfiguration first and Regulus grimaces when he notices James and Pettigrew already sitting in the classroom. He takes the table in front of them, so he doesn't have to look at James' stupid hair all lesson. Scarlett sits beside him and Evan takes the table on his left. Regulus ignores the eyes he can feel burning into the back of his head and tries to focus on unpacking his school bag.
Evan ends up sitting with Azalia Edgecombe, who is one of Alice's friends, so they have run into each other from time-to-time whenever Alice and Barty have been hanging out.
Next, Regulus and Evan have Defence with Barty and Dorcas, who meet them outside the classroom door. They walk in to find Xenophilius Lovegood and one of the Ravenclaw girls - he thinks her name might be Isadora - standing at the back end of the classroom.
Professor Pritchett orders them to stand at the back of the room with the rest of their "classmates". His voice is gruff, like he's been chain-smoking for every year of his life. He has blonde hair that recedes to the back end of his head and frown lines that dig deeper than Muggle archaeologists do when they're looking for dinosaur bones. Regulus can't imagine Barty will ever get that man to smile.
Unfortunately, they do not get to choose where they sit. Once the rest of the students make their way into the classroom, Pritchett starts yelling out names (without warning, might he add) and pointing to tables.
"...Carrow and Bones... Smith, you're sitting alone. What kind of lily-livered name is that? Next row, listen up! Longbottom and Avery... Lincoln and Winger..."
Barty scowls from beside him and Regulus sends him a look that says, I know.
"Next row, listen up!"
"Would he stop saying that?" Barty mutters under his breath. "It's as if he thinks we aren't listening."
"Bloody annoying," Evan agrees.
"...Meadowes and Sayre... Warwick and Crouch!"
"Good luck," Regulus smirks and pats Barty on the back as he pushes away from the wall to join Violetta at a table.
"Next row, listen up!" Pritchett crows and Regulus can't help but panic as he glances around the room and realises that, along with himself and Evan, there's only Tonks, Xenophilius, James and Azalia left.
"Lovegood and Rosier..." Pritchett calls and Regulus sinks into the wall with disappointment. Evan sends him a sympathetic look before going off with Xeno, who grins at him. How is that fair? Evan gets to be partnered with one of his sister's friends and Regulus is going to end up with a stupid Gryffindor, two of which he is trying to ignore right now. He swears to Merlin, if he isn't paired up with Azalia-
"...Black and Tonks!"
Regulus clenches his teeth together. You have got to be joking. He is not doing this- refuses to do this. What happens if he just leaves the classroom? Maybe it's not too late to be home-schooled? Maybe-
"Are you going to stand there all day, munchkin, or are you going to get a move on?"
Regulus only realises when he looks around him and finds no one else standing at the back of the room with him that Pritchett is talking to him. Grudgingly, Regulus walks over to the table where Tonks is sitting and drops himself into the chair beside him. He just won't look at him, or talk to him - no communication at all. Yes, that will be his plan.
Luckily for him, Tonks spends the entire lesson leaning across the space between their table and James and Azalia's table, whispering to his friends. When he's not doing that, he's sending paper aeroplanes across the classroom. It seems Tonks has had the exact same idea as he has - to ignore him for the entire year. For once, it is nice to know they are on the same page.
The worst thing that comes out of that lesson is Pritchett nicknaming him munchkin for the rest of the class. Fortunately, he isn't the only one to have a new, special name by the end of the lesson. However, this doesn't make Regulus feel much better as the other student is Xeno, who gets named Loony.
By the time Regulus makes it to his sixth period Potions lesson, half of the year are calling him munchkin. He is going to kill Pritchett.
As soon as Regulus enters the Potions classroom, Slughorn finds him, a saddened expression marring his features. "Good afternoon, Regulus."
"Sir," he nods. "Are... you okay?"
"Oh, what? Yes! It's just... oh, I'm afraid to say that you cannot be partnered with Potter this year."
That... isn't what Regulus had expected. He thought maybe Slughorn was going to say his fish died or something.
"Why is that?"
"You aren't in the same class," Slughorn frowns.
"Oh," Regulus responds, blinking. He's been ignoring James all day and James has been doing the same thing, but until now he hadn't realised how much he had been counting on them being Potions partners to get James to talk to him again. This is the first time since he's been at Hogwarts where James won't be in the same Potions class as him. The first time in two years that they won't get to work together.
"I know, my boy, it's dreadful news. You two are my favourite little team," Slughorn pats him on the shoulder and Regulus has to work to cover the way he flinches. "To make up for it, I've partnered you with Mr Rosier. I know he's a friend of yours."
"Thank you, Professor," Regulus sends him a small smile before walking off to find Evan. As much as he likes Evan, a secret part of him wishes he was still working with James. An even more secret part of himself wishes he hadn't fled the tower last night.
***
Monday - 2nd September, 1974
Sirius
Sirius is having a rough day. Firstly, Remus is still in the hospital wing because last night was the full moon and it was another terrible one - they really need to get moving on this Animagi thing. Secondly, he has to sit next to Regulus Black in Defence for the next year, which is just fantastic. Of course, the universe is deciding to hate him now and Sirius believes it has a personal vendetta against him. He tried to be mature and not get into an argument with the Slytherin boy, per James' pleas, so instead spent the entire hour ignoring him. Thirdly, he's been put in a group of three in his Potions class because there is an odd number of students, and Sirius doesn't even mind the people he's been put with. Yeah, that isn't the problem. It's that the two people he has been put in a group with clearly cannot stand each other. Dorcas and Marlene have been bickering for almost ten minutes now and Sirius can feel a headache coming on.
He doesn't even know what they're arguing about anymore. They were fighting over whose house would win the Quidditch Cup this year, but that was a few minutes ago. They've moved on to juicier topics since then - and when he says juicy, he means nasty. At this point, they are just being cruel to each other and Sirius, who definitely has a headache now, has had enough.
"Ladies, please," Sirius holds up his hands to silence them. Marlene rolls her eyes and smacks his hand away, whilst Dorcas just glares at him, which is a first. He's never seen her look so frustrated before, she's usually a delight to be around. "If this is going to be our situation for the rest of the year, I'm going to lay down a few ground rules." He waits for them to respond before carrying on.
"Yes, fine, go on," Marlene tuts, tucking her bangs behind her ears and then folding her arms in front of her chest. Her fringe has grown out since she got it cut a year before. She'd hated it and regretted it immediately, claiming she got a bit carried away because it was the first time she was getting a haircut that was more than a trim. So, now it's grown out to her chin, just long enough for her to keep it behind her ears if it gets in her face. The rest of her hair is still quite short, only just reaching her shoulders, but she seems to be content with it.
"When we have a task to do, let's not waste our precious time arguing about whose back garden is bigger," Sirius proclaims pointedly. "How about we actually do the work? If you guys don't like each other, then I will be the middle man. You don't have to communicate with each other at all. How does that sound?"
"It sounds like you're treating us like toddlers," Marlene counters stubbornly.
"Yeah," Dorcas adds.
"Well, at least I got you guys to agree on something," he snickers. Then, noticing their unimpressed expressions, he rushes, "Just- please, okay? I need to beat Remus in Potions this year. I never do! Let me learn things like a swot."
Dorcas softens first, much to his surprise. She smiles at him and says, "Yeah, alright. No more fighting in the lab?" She holds her hand out to Marlene, who narrows her eyes at Dorcas for a long couple of minutes, until she inevitably takes her hand and amicably shakes it.
"Great. Now that we're all gal pals, let's get to work finally," Sirius announces before going to the store cupboard to fetch the ingredients for a shrinking solution. He is pleasantly surprised to find the two girls sitting in silence when he returns. He had half expected to find them ripping each other's heads off or something.
Xeno and Violetta are sitting in front of them and Sirius smiles at the way Xeno treats the girl with kindness. He hopes she isn't still hanging around the idiots she was last year; however, she hasn't come to find him and see if his offer to sit with him and his friends still stands, so he assumes she still is.
James had Potions right before lunch and found out he got paired with Scarlett Stark this year. He didn't seem too happy about it and Sirius can't blame him. He imagines Scarlett probably doesn't stop talking about Black or other boring Pureblood stuff like-
Wait.
Wait.
No. No no no.
Sirius falls down onto his stool, but Dorcas and Marlene are too busy pretending to ignore each other that neither one of them notice.
There is no way he is right about this. He can't be, except... His mum did tell him he came straight from her family, right? He's technically her cousin, which would make him a Pureblood. He can't even wrap his head around that. Sirius has always grown up knowing he was a Half-Blood. Whenever he thinks of Purebloods, the image that immediately comes to mind is a pompous git who does everything their parents tell them to do. Someone who thinks they are better than everyone else. However, that isn't very fair either. Sirius knows plenty of Purebloods who are lovely and aren't anything like that image. For example, James and Peter are Purebloods and they are his best friends, then there's Marlene and her brothers, who are anything but pompous. Dorcas is a Pureblood, and a Slytherin one at that, and she is still very friendly.
Sirius' mum is a Pureblood and she is one of his favourite people in the whole world. Not all Purebloods are bad, he just hadn't been aware he was one and now it's taking him by surprise. He wishes Remus were here, but even if he wasn't missing the first day of lessons, he is in the other Potions class and wouldn't be here right now anyway. Remus is still the only person who knows he was adopted. Well, Remus and-
"Xeno," Sirius bursts out all of a sudden, making Marlene drop the ingredient she had just started to carefully pour into their cauldron all at once into the pot. Dorcas jumps too at his sudden volume and sends him a funny look. "Sorry," he mumbles before hopping off his stool and around the table to where Xeno is standing. His white hair is up in a bun on top of his head, so it doesn't dangle in the potion when he hangs over his cauldron.
"Hi, Sirius," Xeno grins at him. "Are you alright? You look a bit pale."
"I need to talk to you after Divination. If that's okay," Sirius adds to be polite.
"Yes, of course. Whatever you need," Xeno agrees eagerly. "Is this a very important conversation?"
"Sort of," Sirius whispers, realising Violetta is right behind Xeno and is probably listening to every word they are saying. He knows how much of a gossip she is.
"Alright, I'll tell the boys we need to borrow the dormitory for a little bit."
"Okay, thank you," Sirius says before going back over to his own station.
In Divination, Professor Mallory teaches them about how dreams can be manifestations of the future. He, James and Peter spend most of the hour giggling as they read over each others' silly dreams. Sirius is careful to skip over James' nightmares, out of respect for his privacy. He knows how much they affect his friend and he would never want to overstep, not with something as important and as fragile as this.
They are given dream journals and are told to write down every dream or nightmare they have over the next two weeks as homework.
On the way out of Divination, Sirius starts heading towards the Ravenclaw Tower when James stops him.
"I thought we were going to go see Remus after class."
"Oh, right," Sirius bites his lip. "Sorry, but I'm supposed to meet up with Xeno at Ravenclaw Tower."
"But you never miss a visit to the infirmary," James frowns.
"I know, just tell Remus I'll come and see him after dinner. I'll see you both later." Sirius waves at James and Peter and then marches off towards the seventh floor.
Xeno is waiting for him when he arrives and Sirius smiles at him in greeting. They pass Benji, Astro and Kingsley on their way through the common room. Astro watches them both curiously, only looking away when he notices Sirius staring back.
"Tell Astro you like him yet?" Sirius asks as soon as Xeno closes the dormitory door behind them.
"No, not yet. He's got a lot going on at the moment," Xeno explains, gesturing for Sirius to take a seat on one of the pouffes in the centre of the room. They sit together in silence for a little while. Sirius enjoys the serenity that comes with being in the Ravenclaw dormitories. The walls are painted a tranquil blue that calms him and the rugs are shaggier than any in the Gryffindor rooms. There are cushions everywhere and the windows sit on the east side of the room, so they let a lot of light in through the midnight-blue drapes.
"How are you doing?" Xeno asks, breaking the quiet. "I heard Remus has a girlfriend now. Her name is Marie, right?"
"I don't want to talk about that," Sirius mutters, staring down at his hands. "I realised something in Potions but I don't know if I'm getting muddled up or not."
"What did you realise?"
"I'm a Pureblood, aren't I?" Sirius asks suddenly, needing to be out with it.
"Yes, you are."
"Right," Sirius nods contemplatively. "So, does that mean I have an inheritance or something? I don't know how any of this works. Then, in Potions, I got to thinking and I realised I've been completely ignoring the fact that I was adopted, so I've been ignoring the questions I have. What about the rest of my family? Okay, my birth parents were bad- or my mother was at least. What about the rest? My mum always said they were all bad, but what if she's wrong? What if there are others like her who are nicer and- and they're my family, right? What if I have cousins and maybe a sibling? Though, I doubt it. My mum would have saved them, too."
Sirius takes a deep breath and then glances up at Xeno, who looks like he wants to say something but is trying to stop himself.
"Xeno?"
"Sorry," Xeno shakes his head and clears his throat. He leans forward so that he is looking Sirius dead in the eye when he says, "You don't have an inheritance. When your mum won legal custody of you, it would have cut you free from them. Your mum was disowned, wasn't she? So, she has no ties with her family either. Nothing to inherit."
"She said my birth father helped her get me out," Sirius' voice comes out croaky and he realises that his eyes are stinging. He hadn't expected to start crying. "That makes him good, doesn't it? If he is a good person, shouldn't he get to be free, too? Shouldn't he get to know me? I don't know what to do Xeno. I have all these questions and I don't know who to ask them to or whether I should at all."
As he breaks down, Xeno shuffles closer and wraps his arms around Sirius' head, pulling him into the crook of his shoulder.
"It's okay," he whispers in a soothing voice. "Ask me anything and I will answer it as best I can. But, Sirius?"
"Yeah?"
"One day soon, you will get all of your answers. I promise."
"Okay," Sirius sniffles, pulling away a bit so that his face isn't stuffed into Xeno's robes but so his cheek is pressed against his friend's shoulder instead. "Is he a good person?"
"Your father?" Xeno asks.
"My- Yeah, my father."
"He is a very good person who got stuck living a life he never wanted," Xeno replies in a gentle tone. His hand slides through Sirius' hair as he speaks. "Still, he would never change a thing, because living this life means that you an- that you're here."
"Will he ever be free of them?" Sirius sniffs, feeling his lower lip tremble.
"Yes," Xeno smiles, Sirius can hear it in his voice. "He will be, one day."
"Is the rest of my family as terrible as my mum said they are?"
"Not all of them, but most of them are. However, some of the terrible ones are only that way because of things beyond their control."
"Like what?"
Xeno sighs. "I can't explain it to you. It's too tricky."
"Okay," Sirius mumbles. "Will I ever get to meet any of them? At least one of them?"
"Yes, Sirius," Xeno promises, "you will get to meet at least one of them."
They sit there for a little while longer, but Sirius doesn't ask anymore questions. He couldn't stomach anymore today even if he tried. Instead, they talk about silly things like Ayers and Fauntleroy, and their dream journals, and how Lily and Kirley might one day start a band.
Thursday - 5th September, 1974
Sirius wakes up early on Thursday morning. Light bleeds through the window beside his bed, illuminating the room enough for him to notice James sitting on the floor, leaning against his own bed, scribbling something down onto a long piece of parchment. James isn't usually one to complete his homework on the morning it's due, so Sirius wonders what is going on there.
Frank is also up, now exiting the bathroom and scrubbing his damp hair with a towel. When he notices Sirius is up, he grins and says, "Morning, Sirius. Sorry, didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, don't worry." He waves his hand dismissively and starts crawling out of bed. "I could use an early start."
Patting Frank on the shoulder as he passes him, Sirius goes for a shower. By the time he is finished, Peter and Remus are awake too. James is fussing over Remus, likely checking if he is definitely okay to come to class today. It will be his first official day back, since it took a few days for him to properly recover from the moon this month, enough to bring concern to even Poppy's face.
Sirius, already dressed, sits down on the edge of his bed and opens the drawer to his bedside table. He pulls out the black nail varnish he bought when he got back home from Wales over the summer. He's been painting his nails almost daily now because he thinks it looks cool and it chips off really easily. He spends the next twenty minutes painting his nails and allowing them to dry, periodically blowing on them to make sure they won't smudge.
"You should use a drying charm for that, mate," James suggests, coming to sit next to him. He has the map in his hands, folded so Frank doesn't discover what it is. "We've got Muggle Studies in half an hour and we still need to get breakfast."
"Do you mind?" He asks, holding out his hands. James pulls out his wand and points it at each of Sirius' nails individually. About halfway through this meticulous ordeal, Sirius hears a song hum through the room, one he's never heard before. He whips his head in the direction of Remus' record player, where a vinyl is spinning leisurely around.
"All done," James announces and Sirius doesn't even stop to thank him before he is jumping out of his bed and towards Remus'.
"What song is this?" He demands eagerly.
"It's called Magic," Remus replies, looking surprised. Sirius doesn't blame him - he has been ignoring Remus for the entire week; not to be cruel, but because he just isn't ready to hear him talk about Marie yet, and Remus should get to if he wants to. "By PILOT."
"Is it new?" Sirius sits down on the very brink of Remus' mattress. "I've never heard it before."
"Yeah, it came out last week. It's on Top of the Pops already. It's my favourite one on this record."
"I like it," Sirius smiles as he bops his head to the guitar riff. He listens and he tries to learn the words of the chorus before it comes on again. Then, he softly sings along to it. When he looks back up to Remus, he finds the boy watching him with a fond expression.
"Did you know one of the band members is called Billy Lyall, like my tad," Remus chuckles.
"That's so cool!"
"Yeah," Remus glances down at his own hands and then at Sirius'. Curious, he reaches forward and picks up one of Sirius' hands, admiring his nail polish. "It really suits you."
"Thanks, Moony," Sirius says. He doesn't miss the way Remus watches him with eyes full of hope. Sirius hasn't called him Moony for a few weeks. He suddenly feels quite awful for being such a terrible friend just because he's been having some ridiculous feelings that Remus doesn't return. He's been treating Remus like shit and it isn't fair on him, so Sirius is going to try and be better. "You should let me paint your nails sometime. I think it would suit you, too."
Remus smirks. "Oh, you do, do you?"
"Absolutely," Sirius nods seriously. "A lovely, fluorescent-"
"Oh, here we go," Remus huffs, pulling his hand away from Sirius'.
"-yellow. It would look just darling with your skin tone," Sirius finishes. At the sight of Remus' unconvinced expression, Sirius cackles. "I'm just pulling your tail - pun intended," he adds in a whisper and Remus rolls his eyes. "I'll check if one of the girls have a dark green. It would match your eyes."
"Come on, guys, it's twenty to and we still need to get something to eat," Frank calls to the room, breaking the small bubble Sirius had developed around himself and Remus. He sighs and crosses the room to fetch his wand from his bedside table.
On their way down to breakfast, Sirius starts going on about how he wants to pierce one of his ears.
"Bowie's got one! I want one, too."
"Ooh, can I do it?" Peter asks enthusiastically. "I'll make it as painless as possible, I promise."
"Well, I can't deny your irresistible offer, Pete," Sirius winks. "But I'm afraid Benji might get jealous."
"Don't worry, Sirius, he knows how special you are to me," Peter jokes, throwing his arm over Sirius' shoulders and pressing a loud kiss to his temple.
"Oh, Peter, don't. You're getting me all-" Sirius starts but is cut short when Remus slaps his hands to his ears and starts loudly yelling la-la-la-la-la-la!
"No need for the graphics," Frank shudders.
"Yeah," James adds. "Do what you want, but don't do it with an audience."
"But our attraction is just so strong, we cannot restrain ourselves," Peter announces before chuckling loudly.
"Morning, Pete," Benji says out of nowhere and Peter grins up at his boyfriend. Benji is tall enough to look directly over Peter's head at Sirius. "Good morning, Pete's sloppy seconds."
"Good- Wait, sloppy seconds ?" Sirius gasps, scandalised. "I see how it is," he nods forlornly. "I'm afraid this relationship isn't working out for me, so I'm dumping you both now. I hope you have a happy life together." Dramatically, he sags into Remus' side and howls out a loud cry. "Remus, you're all I have left now."
"There, there," Remus mutters monotonously as he pats Sirius robotically on the head two times.
When they reach the Great Hall, Sirius catches sight of Mary and immediately rushes over to her side to continue his dramatic display. Remus sits opposite them, beside Lily and Marlene. It isn't long until Sirius' pretend whining about never finding the right person turns into the girls asking Remus about Marie.
"I'm seeing her at Christmas," Remus says once Lily asks him how their long-distance relationship is. "Which is still months away, so it is going to be difficult. We've already written loads and we hung out almost every day over the summer. She found out about Hogwarts and magic, which was... I don't know, I just never expected her to know, I guess. It's nice to not have to hide it from her anymore."
"When did you two get together?" Alice questions him giddily.
Sirius scoffs under his breath and rolls his eyes as Remus recalls the story about the party they went to in the summer. When he looks up, he notices Mary is watching him with a curious glint in her eyes. He raises an eyebrow as if to ask her what she is looking at, but she just grins.
Mary doesn't explain herself until after break time, a few hours later, when Sirius is on his way to the lake because he has two free periods before lunch. Mary catches up with him, even though she should be on her way to Herbology right now. She loops her arm through his and he doesn't protest as she follows him down to the lake.
"I would like to ask you a question, but I need you to promise me something first?" She breaks the silence that has built between them.
"Alright," Sirius replies sceptically.
"Don't get defensive."
"Okay..."
"Right, here it goes." Mary inhales slowly and then looks Sirius right in the eye as she kindly asks him, "How long have you had a crush on Remus?"
Sirius stops walking abruptly, stopping Mary right along with him. He blinks at her and remains quiet and motionless because there is no way she just asked him that. He must be having some sort of nightmare. Mary is staring at him with big, black, earnest eyes that reflect his horrified expression right back at him.
"What?" He croaks, finding it difficult to use his voice for some reason. Shock, probably.
"No one else knows," Mary is quick to say. "I just... noticed a few things. You've been in a dreadful mood ever since we returned and at Marlene's birthday you barely spoke to Remus. Not until you were drunk out of your wits anyway. Then, there was this morning at breakfast. You're jealous of Marie."
"I'm not jealous of her," Sirius scowls.
Mary raises a pointed eyebrow.
"It's okay, you know. To fancy a friend," Mary says as she starts to move forward, bringing Sirius with her. "As you know, I fancied you when we first met. I've also found Remus attractive from time-to-time. He's a very pretty boy, especially when he had that mullet."
Sirius makes a noise of agreement before slapping a hand over his mouth. Mary laughs at him.
"Sirius, it's okay. I think it's quite cute actually."
"It isn't okay!" Sirius yells, pulling away from her, feeling properly panicked now. "Remus is- he's- I mean, we're best friends. He trusts me. I shouldn't be feeling this. I can't, but I do." He groans and flops down onto the grass. They haven't quite reached the lake yet, but this will do. He doesn't think he could get up now even if someone told him he just sat on an anthill.
"It's just a crush, Sirius," Mary speaks softly, sitting beside him.
"Is it though? Because I've felt this way for almost a year now and whatever I do, whatever I try, it won't go away." Sirius sighs powerfully and buries his face in his hands. He feels as Mary wraps her arms around his middle and uses one hand to rub soothing circles into his back.
"Have you told anyone else about this?" She asks quietly, resting her chin on his shoulder.
"No. Marlene knows I like someone, but I didn't tell her who. I didn't want anyone to know because it will never happen- can never happen. Remus likes girls. Christ, he has a girlfriend and she's so lovely, too. How is that fair? Not that I think Remus should have a terrible girlfriend. He deserves to be happy and to be treated right. I just- I-"
"You wish it was you."
"Pathetic, right?" He laughs dryly.
"Not pathetic. We can't control who we fall for Sirius," Mary mumbles, reaching up with the hand that isn't still moving in circles on his back to remove his hands from his face, so she can look at him properly. "I know what might help you stop thinking about him."
"What? At this point, I'll try literally anything," Sirius says, perhaps a bit desperately. He plucks a buttercup up off the grass, one of the last ones left from the summer, and twirls it between his fingers.
"You could try going on a date with someone," Mary suggests.
Frowning, Sirius stares down at the flower before lifting it up and tucking it beneath one of Mary's curls. She smiles sweetly at him and his miserable expression softens at the sight.
"Who am I supposed to date? I'm gay, remember?"
"As if I could forget," Mary huffs. "I'll have a search around. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone who I'm asking for unless I find someone who would actually be willing-"
"I don't really mind who knows," Sirius shrugs. "If people are going to be arseholes about it, I would rather they do it to my face so I can do something about it."
"Does that mean you'll let me find you a date?" Mary perks up, grinning. Sirius' eyes fall on the yellow flower in her hair; it makes her look like some nature goddess from those Greek myth stories his dad used to tell him about before bedtime when he was a kid.
"If you think it will help, then fine. However, you can't choose just any random dude - they need to be someone great enough to make me forget about Remus," Sirius declares.
"Someone to make you forget Remus," Mary repeats to herself. "I'll give it a shot, but Remus is a gorgeous boy."
"So gorgeous," Sirius echoes wistfully, making Mary laugh.
She stays with him for the remaining two hours before lunch, completely skipping her double Herbology lesson and Sirius has never been more thankful for Mary Macdonald.
After lunch, Sirius has Defence and then Charms. He, once again, ignores Black for the entire hour, but he doesn't stop himself from laughing every time Pritchett calls the boy munchkin. He's been giving everyone terrible nicknames all week. He imagines munchkin is because of Black's height, or lack thereof. Unfortunately, because Sirius spends half of the lesson having laughing fits over Regulus' pitiful nickname, he gets named giggles. Honestly, he'll take it - it's much better than what Pritchett has been calling Xeno.
He meets Remus and Peter outside the Charms classroom and together they find a table that will seat all three of them. Flitwick talks them through the theory of banishing charms. Sirius spends most of the lesson folding sheets of paper up into paper aeroplanes and throwing them at Mary, who flips him off every time one lands in her hair. Flitwick doesn't seem to notice, which only eggs Sirius on further.
Beside him, Peter is doodling some troll-looking thing with red robes on. Sirius leans into Peter's space and whispers, "Who is that supposed to be?"
"Mulciber," Peter grumbles in response. "He pushed Benji down the stairs earlier and he twisted his ankle. He's in the infirmary."
"What? When did this happen?" Sirius asks, glaring across the classroom at where Mulciber is sitting with Snape.
"During our free period before this one," Peter replies. "It's inspired me, however." He lifts up his piece of paper with the troll drawing of Mulciber in red robes on it and shows Sirius.
"A prank?"
"Yeah. Let's turn all their robes red and make them look like Gryffindors," Peter says passionately, his eyes crazed with revenge.
"Brilliant, I'm in," Sirius agrees immediately. He nudges Remus and whispers, "Oi, Moony?"
"Hmm?" Remus hums, not looking away from his work.
"We're going to prank the Slytherins at some point soon."
"Sounds good," Remus mumbles, not really paying attention.
Sirius turns to Pete and gives him a thumbs up.
At the end of their Charms lesson, they are unexpectedly confronted by Snape and Mulciber, who sneer at the three of them.
"Afternoon, Snivellus," Sirius greets with a scowl. "Were you hoping to walk with us to Transfiguration? I'm afraid we would rather hang out with the Whomping Willow."
Snape is visibly seething with rage. He removes his glare from Sirius and settles it on Remus, which angers Sirius himself. "I see Lupin is back in class finally. What? Did you get torn to shreds again by something in the forest? Or was it something much, much closer."
Sirius doesn't like the way Snape says that. Something closer. Does he know? He can't, surely. There is no possible way he could know, unless Lily told him, but Sirius doubts she would. As much as she defends the bastard, she is loyal to her other friends, too. Remus pales under Snape's suggestive tone and Peter makes a small huffing sound before pulling out his wand. Sirius does the same.
"I have no idea what you're talking about and, quite frankly, I couldn't care less," Remus speaks calmly before turning around and walking in the opposite direction. Sirius and Peter look at each other in confusion, then send glares towards Snape and Mulciber, before rushing off after Remus.
"Yeah, run away, cowards!" Mulciber yells down the corridor at them. Sirius just tosses his middle finger over his shoulder. He stuffs his wand back in his pocket at the same time Peter does.
"Moony?"
"I just want to get through one year where Snape isn't watching me all the bloody time, alright?" Remus sounds frustrated, but Sirius doesn't think he is frustrated with him or Peter.
"Okay," Sirius nods.
"Okay," Peter echoes.
Peter splits off from them when they reach the Transfiguration classroom. He has another free period and is planning to go and visit Benji and see if he is feeling any better. Sirius tells him to send Benji his best before following Remus into class.
Saturday - 7th September, 1974
On the morning of the Gryffindor team's Quidditch try-outs, Sirius gets up with Frank and James at the crack of dawn to get in some extra practice. He is going to try and snatch up one of the empty Beater positions, since apparently Fabian and Gideon quit the team at the end of last year in lieu of focusing on their N.E.W.Ts. Sirius isn't complaining, he's wanted this spot on the team ever since first year. He knows Marlene is trying out for the other Beater position, too, which gives him high hopes for their success because you have to have Beaters who are compatible with each other in case of disaster, and Marlene and Sirius are very synchronised with everything else in life.
They fetch breakfast after the early morning practice and Sirius is sweating with anxiety. When Mary sits down beside him, she promptly jumps back out of the seat, groaning about how he should take a shower. She sits beside Azalia instead, who Sirius only just then realises is also wearing Quidditch gear.
Noticing his bewildered expression, Azalia explains, "I've decided to try out for the spot of Seeker, since Darius is gone now."
"That's great!" James beams across the table at her. "If you all make it, we'll have almost everyone on the team."
"Well, not quite, James," Lily responds with a snort. "You'll have half of us on the team."
"Ah, close enough," James grins.
They eat their breakfast and chat about the possible competition Sirius, Marlene and Azalia might be facing. Frank mentions he heard Martin Wood from the year above would be trying out for the Seeker position too this year. James laughs out loud at this for some reason and Mary lightly smacks his arm from across the table. She turns to face Sirius and gestures that he lean forward, so he assumes she is about to update him on the whole finding him someone to date plan.
"I think I might have found someone that will take your mind off you-know-who," she whispers before gesturing with a tilt of her head in Remus' direction. Mary doesn't know Remus is a werewolf and has supernatural hearing, so she doesn't realise that whispering about this won't stop Remus from accidentally hearing something he shouldn't.
"Great, can we talk about it later?"
"Yeah, of course. First, I need to make sure they're into guys and then I'll let you know." Mary sends him a wink and then turns back to the rest of them and joins in on the conversation.
They all make their way down to the Quidditch pitch once they've gotten some food in them. Lily, Mary, Alice, Remus and Peter come to watch the try-outs from the stands, whilst the rest of them crowd together on the pitch where Skylar and Bracia are already waiting with some other Gryffindor students who want the Seeker and Beater positions.
Try-outs are hard and a bit gruelling, but Sirius still manages to have fun. Just as he suspected, he and Marlene are a machine when they play together. They fly around each other like a yin-yang, working perfectly, but never colliding. As much as he hates to admit it, Marlene is a much better Beater than he is. It probably comes from growing up surrounded by Quidditch players like Bobby, Darius, Fabian and Gideon. He is surprised Edwin never ended up on the team.
Out of all of the people who play for the Seeker position - which ends up being a total of five people from a variety of different year groups - Azalia catches the Snitch the most. She also has a very subtle technique, which helps her prowl around the pitch unnoticed. Frank tells him he has been practicing with her since second year when she realised her passion for Quidditch.
Bracia settles on Azalia as their new Seeker, due to the fact that she catches the Snitch more than any of the other players do. Sirius almost screams with pure excitement when she announces he and Marlene will be the new Beaters for the team. He flies directly into the stands and lands right beside Remus, before pulling him into a celebratory hug. He catches Mary's eye over Remus' shoulder and she smirks at him.
"Congratulations, Sirius," Lily beams at him. She moves in to hug him as soon as Remus steps away and Sirius is so surprised that he almost loses his footing.
Sirius rushes off to have a shower not long after securing his spot on the team. When he exits the changing room with James and Frank, he finds Mary waiting for him outside. He tells the other two boys to go on without him and follows Mary, who starts walking in the direction of the greenhouses.
"So, this guy," she starts, turning to Sirius with a grin. "I won't say who he is just yet, in case he isn't gay or queer, or in case he is and doesn't want anyone to know. So, I'll just say that he is very handsome and he is in the year above us-"
"Ooh, an older man," Sirius wiggles his eyebrows. "Cheeky, Macdonald."
"He's a friend of Martin Wood, who I know because I went out with him last year and we're friends now. Anyway, he is really sweet, so if he does agree to go out with you then at least you know that. He's also very funny because I know you would never settle for boring."
"If you can't tell a joke, then what is your purpose?" Sirius utters incredulously. "He sounds... intriguing. Tell me more."
"He's tall and even has a bit of facial hair," Mary nods approvingly.
"Ugh! Now, I'm jealous of this boy I'm supposed to date- no, sorry. This man I'm supposed to date."
"Just because you haven't got any facial hair coming in yet, doesn't mean you never will."
"I'm pretty sure Frank's already got a moustache that he has to shave off every morning," Sirius pouts. "It's not fair."
"Moving on from Frank. Do you want to know anything else about this guy?"
Sirius thinks about this for a second, then eventually settles on, "What colour are his eyes?"
"Out of anything in the world, that's what you want to ask?" When Sirius nods, Mary sighs. "Okay then. I think they're green, but I might be wrong."
"Okay, but are they like green that looks sort of brown, or are they Lily-Evans-green?"
"Sort of brown."
"Brilliant, I like him already," Sirius declares and Mary giggles.
"Oh, this is so fun! Okay, I'm going to go and find out if he's gay," she says before swooping forward and pressing a kiss to Sirius' cheek. "Catch you later, Tonks."
With a bemused chuckle, Sirius calls back, "Later, Macdonald."
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Regulus and Scarlett's friendship is so special to me. They're like the Slytherin version of James and Mary.
-It makes me sad that Regulus doesn't realise he is incapable of loving Scarlett as more than a friend because he is gay and doesn't know it yet :(
-James' letter is actually adorable. this boy is so in love, and Regulus is, too.
-Regulus just casually checking James out ❤❤ That jegulus reunion had me giggling and kicking my feet
-Pandora and her flowers are back! Don't read into the whole rose idea, you might be wrong hehe
-Jegulus had a fight 😔 We'll hear more about it next chapter.
-Regulus and James aren't Potions partners this year :(
-Dorlene!! I am definitely pushing the enemies to lovers agenda here because I love it with them. Especially, since Dorcas is so friendly to everyone in this fic, but she isn't to Marlene simply because Marlene is rude to her 😭
-James and Scarlett as Potions partners.. We'll see how that turns out next chapter.
-Sirius realising randomly in the middle of a Potions lesson that he is a Pureblood is kind of funny to me..
-Sirius and Xeno's friendship is so special to me. Like. They are so gentle with each other, it hurts. Also, Sirius only just realising he actually has questions about where he came from- ugh, that hurts too. He is getting more information slowly, so that means we're getting closer to the big reveal.. (It's still a ways off though) Also 2, Sirius cares about Orion but doesn't know how to handle that just yet because it's a complicated situation.
-Peter and Sirius <3 Also, Benji being the best boyfriend ever <3
-MARY KNOWS ABOUT WOLFSTAR! she is an icon, a queen, the moment. also, she is totally going to set Sirius up with someone. I can't wait to introduce this character because I've been inventing them for a while and I adore them now.
-Sirius, Marlene and Azalia are now on the team! <3Just like it was this week, the next chapter will be out in 7-10 days because I'm back at college and there is so much to do 😭 Also! I tried my first cigarette guys - it was horrendous but I felt like Remus Lupin so 😌 Thank you for all the love/support/comments! See you next week hopefully ❤
Chapter 46: Fourth Year: The Confession
Summary:
Remus and James have a serious talk. Alice reveals something to Remus. James and Regulus become stronger than ever. James' occlumency lessons start. James comes to terms with who he is.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-use of 'F' slur for a cigarette
-someone comes out to a friend/also comes to terms with their sexuality
-mention of someone condoning murder to other human beings
-a bit of self-deprecation
-mention of child abuse/scars (not explicit)
-someone has thoughts about hurting another person
-nightmare/a child is killed/blood (doesn't last very long)
-hints to James having ADHD (my head canon is that he would have ADHD)
-brief mention of bullyingThis chapter is a bit shorter than previous ones have been, but next chapter will be longer :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It is better to be violent, if there
is violence
in our hearts,
than to put on the cloak of
nonviolence to cover impotence.
~ Mahatma Gandhi
Saturday - 7th September, 1974
Remus
Remus is sitting at the Gryffindor table when James and Frank arrive back from the changing rooms. He frowns, wondering where Sirius could have gotten off to. As James and Frank approach the table and take their seats, Remus watches the double doors at the other end of the hall, waiting for Sirius to appear, a grin brightening up his face because he just made the Quidditch team. Marlene and Azalia are here, having left before the boys did. So, where on earth could Sirius be.
"Has anyone seen Mary?" Alice asks the group as she tucks herself beneath Frank's waiting arm. Lily sits down on her other side, sending Remus a small smile.
"Yeah, she and Sirius went off talking somewhere," James answers, shovelling a jam-filled sandwich into his mouth; his appetite is always enough to rival Remus' after he's been flying. Peter grimaces at the red jam stain now inhabiting the corner of James' lip and passes him a napkin, which James scrubs across his face gracelessly.
"Talking?" Lily inquires whilst shuffling for something in her bag. After a quiet aha, she pulls out a worn, paperback book and leans it up against her goblet of pomegranate juice.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she mentioned something about finding Sirius a date for one of the upcoming Hogsmeade trips."
"A date ?" Marlene and Remus exclaim at the same exact time, both equally surprised.
"It's about time," Peter speaks up. "I swear, he's never even had a crush."
Remus watches as James and Lily share a surreptitious look before both promptly directing their gazes elsewhere - Lily's eyes start to scan along her book, whilst James turns to Remus.
"How come you look so shocked?" James asks him and Remus feels his own heart pick up in pace. For some reason, this question leaves him feeling anxious. If he's being honest, he is a bit shocked. Sirius is his friend and he deserves to have some fun, fall in love, date a few people until he finds 'the one'. Remus has just... never pictured Sirius dating anyone before. And now that he is, he finds that the entire thing makes him feel a bit light-headed.
"I don't know," Remus shrugs, fingers slowly ripping apart his napkin. "Like Pete said, Sirius has never had a crush before. So, I guess I just never really thought about it before."
"Thought about what?"
Remus almost jumps at the sound of Sirius' voice not too far away. He is making his way towards the group of Gryffindors with a wide grin on his face. Remus finds himself curious as to whether he is smiling because he made the Quidditch team or because he might now have a date in the near future.
Sirius sits down in the empty space beside Remus and then steals a grape from his plate. He throws it up in the air and catches it in his mouth, grinning triumphantly as the rest of them make cheering noises.
Remus looks at Sirius. He feels like the boy should look different in someway because the last time Remus saw Sirius he was just Sirius Tonks - loyal friend, he had that too-cool-for-school thing going for him. Now, he's Sirius Tonks - eligible to date. Remus doesn't know why his mind is having such a tough time computing this information. So what, Sirius can date? That's normal. Everyone can date - or, at least, anyone who wants to. Remus now knows that Sirius wants to and that's fine, that's okay.
Except, there's a part of Remus' brain that's telling him it isn't okay and, for a brief second, he has the scary thought that he might be homophobic.
Then, he really thinks about this and- no. No, he isn't homophobic. He doesn't mind that Pete and Benji are together - he is infallibly happy for them, actually. He doesn't mind that Sirius would date a boy, that isn't the problem. It's Sirius dating at all, and Remus... well, he doesn't really know what to do with that. It doesn't make any sense. Sirius is a free man, he should be able to do whatever he likes, so long as he isn't hurting others.
And yet.
And yet...
"So," Azalia's voice plunges Remus back into his physical body and out of whatever mental labyrinth he just found himself stuck in, "Who is this mystery guy?"
"What?" Sirius huffs a breathy laugh, a wrinkle forms between his eyebrows.
"We heard Mary is trying to find you a boyfriend," Peter teases in a sing-song voice, reaching out a finger to wiggle it in Sirius' face.
Rolling his eyes, but smiling, Sirius gently hits Peter's finger away and lets out a charming laugh. "Oh, is this being spread around already? Whatever happened to one's right to privacy?"
"Come on, this is breaking news!" Marlene announces with an incredulous expression.
"Yeah! You've never even mentioned finding anyone at Hogwarts attractive before," Frank adds. "Unless you've been keeping secrets from us," he smirks.
"Who's to know," Sirius shrugs, sending a wink Marlene's way.
"So, who is it?" Remus doesn't realise he is the one who has spoken until Sirius' silver eyes are suddenly blazing into his own.
"Not sure yet," Sirius replies nonchalantly, taking another grape from Remus' plate. This time, instead of tossing it in the air, he rolls it between his thumb and index finger. "Mary said he's in the year above, but she has to make sure he's into dudes first. You know, because it would probably end terribly if he isn't."
"The year above," Remus echoes tonelessly.
"Apparently," Sirius nods. "All I know about him is that he has green eyes, some facial hair, and he is friends with some bloke called Martin Wood."
"Ah," James hums wisely. "One of Mary's boys."
"They're friends now and I suppose Mary knows his mates by extension. She promises he's really sweet, so I guess we'll see..." Sirius' cheeks glow pink, much to everyone's delight but Remus'.
"Where is Mary?"
"She said she had to go and check if he's gay," Sirius says, finally filling his own plate with food rather than stealing off Remus'. Once he's finished, he swivels on the bench to face Remus, an excited glint in his eye. "You haven't got any plans for the rest of the day, have you?"
"Why?" Remus narrows his eyes suspiciously.
Sirius rolls his eyes. "Honestly. It's as if you don't trust me. I was just going to ask if you wanted to go and listen to that song again in the dorm."
"Oh," Remus blinks, not having expected that. "Uh, sure, we can do that. I do need to stop by the owlery first and post a letter, but afterwards I'm free."
"I thought you were supposed to be coming with me and James to the library," Lily pipes up, eyes bouncing away from her book and landing on Remus. "We were going to start that Care of Magical Creatures essay."
Before Remus can fumble out a way to solve this issue, James jumps in by suggesting, "How about you and I just go to the library together, Lily? I'm sure Remus is capable of writing an essay in the dorm - he's done it plenty of times before."
"Alright," Lily agrees with a smile, turning to address Remus. "If you want either of us to look it over once you're finished, just ask."
"Thanks, Lils."
"Come on, Moony, let's go now!" Sirius grabs onto Remus' wrist like a particularly clingy child and practically pulls him out of his seat. Remus waves a quick goodbye to everyone and notices Sirius barely even ate anything on his plate, the idiot. He has an unhealthy obsession with this song and has done since Thursday when he first heard it, asking Remus every morning if he could play it whilst they were getting ready; skipping it back once it was over, so he could listen to it again and again. None of the other boys seem to mind, too busy bouncing off of Sirius' ecstatic energy.
Remus dutifully follows Sirius out of the Great Hall - they stop by the owlery first and Remus sends a letter he wrote to Marie off with a school owl - and then all the way up to Gryffindor Tower, watching fondly as the other boy prances up the stairs with the air of a child experiencing a sugar rush.
As soon as they are in the dormitory, Sirius is crossing the room towards the record player and slipping out Remus' new Top of the Pops album from it's cover. Remus sits down on his bed and watches as Sirius crouches down until the turntable is at his eye level. He squints and gently drops the needle onto the record before hopping up off the floor and moving to settle beside Remus.
They listen through the first collection of songs on the record; the first is a new ABBA song called Waterloo. Remus isn't ABBA's biggest fan in the world - he sort of despises their music to tell the truth - but he doesn't mind this one much. It's got a nice rhythm to it that reminds Remus faintly of the songs one would find in a musical - it's loud and theatrical, but pleasant.
Waterloo
Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo
Knowing my fate is to be with you
Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Waterloo
Finally facing my Waterloo
Remus can hear Sirius humming along to the song, so he turns to look at him. Sirius' eyes are shut, like he needs to shut off all his other senses to properly absorb the song into his soul. His fingers tap against Remus' mattress, in time with the melody.
When the chorus returns, Sirius opens his mouth and gently, oh so tenderly, sings. His voice is soft like the flutter of a faery's wings and beautiful like a flower petal; it's sensitive in a way Remus' singing voice is not, like he's allowing the words to simply flow out of him as water rushes through a stream.
Waterloo
I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo
Promise to love you for ever more
Only when Magic hums through the empty dorm, does Sirius open his eyes. He looks startled to find Remus staring at him, but just smiles at him, his cheeks burning pink from exhilaration. Rising from his seat, Sirius makes a show of using his fist as a microphone as he belts the lyrics back to Remus, who begins to join in. When Sirius notices him singing along too, he reaches out with both hands to pull Remus up from the bed, feet moving manically across the floor as he dances like a lunatic. Remus can't help but laugh and Sirius watches him with warm eyes.
They jump around and sing as loud as they want, not really caring if people in the common room can hear their voices from all the way up here.
I love my sunny day
Dream of far away
Dreaming on my pillow in the morning
Never been awake
Never seen a day break
Leaning on my pillow in the morning light
Sirius points a finger at Remus, who mirrors his movements and soon their fingers meet in the middle as they continue to sing.
It's magic you know
Never believe it's not so
It's magic you know
Never believe it's not so
It's magic you know
Never believe it's not so
It's magic you know
Never believe it's not so
Sirius throws his arms up into an air-guitar stance and starts strumming his fingers along with the guitar riff playing through the turntable. His arm spins around in circles against his invisible guitar as the song comes to a close and then he's just panting and grinning and- and-
With a gusty exhale, Sirius flops down onto Remus' bed and gazes up at him like he's something wonderful.
"We should get Lily to learn that on her guitar," Sirius manages to say through his heavy breathing. He rolls onto his stomach and rests his head on the heels of his hands. "I bet she'd kill it."
"Yeah, probably," Remus agrees, settling down a bit. He can hear both of their heartbeats, thumping in their chests like a symphony of their own. Remus drops down onto his bed, lying on his back right beside Sirius, who peers down at him. Break the Rules by Status Quo starts playing in the background.
Sirius shifts the weight of his head from both hands to just one, reaching out with the other one to play with the collar of Remus' jumper, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"Sirius," Remus whispers, not sure what to say, feeling his name is enough. There's something building up in his chest and he doesn't know what to call it, but he can tell it's important. He tries to ignore it, instead deciding to rest his eyes on Sirius' face.
"What do you think about it?" Sirius asks, eyes fixed on where his fingers are now tracing the pattern along Remus' jumper.
"About what?"
"This... date. The one Mary is finding me."
"Oh," Remus frowns, his eyebrows pinching together. In years to come, Remus will look back at this moment and realise that taut feeling in his chest was jealousy. It would be one of the first times Remus ever felt himself getting jealous over someone else having Sirius in a way he could not, but not the last.
He gazes up and notices the way Sirius is waiting for his answer with poorly hidden expectancy. Some of the hair that was previously tucked behind his right ear falls, hiding one of his eyes from view. Sirius doesn't lift his hand from Remus' jumper to sort it out, so Remus does it himself. He uses his thumb to tuck the soft curl away and sighs.
"I think you deserve to find someone who will make you happy," Remus answers honestly, because no matter what he's feeling - conscious and subconscious - he will always believe that. Everyone deserves to be happy, especially Sirius.
Sirius' eyes jump up to meet his and there's something hidden there, something Remus can't decipher. For a moment, they just look at each other, Sirius' hand settles against Remus' chest and neither of them acknowledge it. Sirius' heart is the calmest he has ever heard it, thumping steadily in a way that eases Remus' own. Something lives in the space between them, in the silence they share, and Remus doesn't know what to name it, but he wants to taste it.
Before he can even blink, Sirius pulls away from him and Remus can't stop himself from thinking no, come back.
Sirius keeps his back to him for almost an entire minute before he swivels around with a stretched smile. He lifts one hand to scratch the back of his neck and uses the other to point to Remus' trunk.
"You got a smoke?"
"A smoke?" Remus repeats, blinking like an idiot. Then, "Oh! Right, uh, yeah. Do you want your own or do you want to share one?" He hops off his bed and kneels down in front of his trunk. He hid the pack of already rolled cigarettes that Cara managed to acquire for him in the very bottom of his things, in case one of the other boys go searching for the map or something and come across them. It's not that he doesn't trust them, it's just his only pack and he would rather they not go missing.
"I don't mind sharing," Sirius says as Remus pulls out the dented box and a lighter.
"Better open the window. I doubt the others will appreciate it if they come back to the room smelling of burnt tobacco," Remus chuckles, moving across the room to yank the window open. He sits down on the cushioned window ledge and places the fag between his lips, cupping his hands around it as the lighter sparks to life. Inhaling, he closes his eyes as the smoke begins to fill his lungs. He likes the feeling, strangely enough. It makes him feel like a dragon.
Sirius sits down opposite him and reaches out to pull the cigarette from Remus' mouth before placing it in his own.
They sit there smoking until it's burnt out, and by then the record has come to an end too, the noise of the needle scratching against the PVC fills the, otherwise silent, room.
James finds him half an hour later. Sirius left about ten minute ago to go and find Marlene, something he tends to do whenever he needs to get something off his chest. Remus has been trying to write a letter to Cara ever since he left, but he's found his mind shrouded in memories of his afternoon with Sirius. He can't think of much else. He's erratically twizzling his quill between two of his fingers when James enters the room.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Where's Sirius? I thought you guys were up here doing karaoke," James smirks and Remus throws his pillow at him.
"He's with Marlene," Remus says, looking back down at the piece of paper in front of him. He bites down on the nub of his quill and then grimaces when he tastes ink.
"Oh, good," James sighs. When Remus looks up at him with a frown, he shakes his head. "I mean- I just... I wanted to talk to you alone. For a minute. If you're not... busy." James eyes the unwritten letter in front of Remus and then meets his gaze with expectant eyes.
"Tub?" Remus questions without hesitation, placing his quill down on his bedside table.
"Tub," James nods.
They make their way into the bathroom and take their usual seats in the porcelain bathtub. From an outsiders point of view, they probably look a bit absurd, but it's so familiar to them now that they don't even think twice about it. Remus leans back against the tiled wall and slings his legs over the edge of the tub. James sits across from him, his legs drawn up against his body so that his knees almost touch his chin.
"James, are you alright?" Remus properly looks at James for the first time since he found him. His face is pale and his eyes are circled with black eyebags that make his eyes droop. Remus wonders if he's been having nightmares again. He hasn't checked in with James about that since returning to Hogwarts, which he now feels bad about. He's been distracted missing Marie and his Muggle friends. Still, that's no excuse to start disregarding his other friends.
"That's a complicated question," James murmurs with a wry smile. "I- I realised something about Harry last year and I've been trying to come to terms with it- to accept it. It took a while, but then I spoke to Mary about it and... it sort of made it easier for me to think about."
"You don't have to tell me," Remus says, just in case James feels some strange obligation to keep Remus updated. It's up to James who he tells his secrets to and when.
"No, I want to," James takes in a deep breath and his eyes move from where they were previously settled on his knees to now look at Remus. "You're the first person I ever spoke to about Harry, besides my parents. I want you to know this because it would only feel right for me." Closing his eyes, James inhales and then, all at once, "I was in love with him."
"You were in love with- oh." Remus hadn't been expecting that to be honest. He isn't sure what he thought James was going to say, but it wasn't that. "Oh, James."
"I still am," James admits in a whisper, like it's a sin, like it's his darkest secret. He blinks his eyes open. "I want to talk about it, if you'll let me. Not Harry, but the rest of it."
"Of course, James," Remus leans forward to press his hand comfortingly against James' forearm. "Tell me as much as you're comfortable with."
James just nods. He doesn't speak for a while, so Remus waits for him to be ready. He doesn't mind the silence, it gives him a moment to let what James has told him properly sink in. Remus realises that at least one of his friends has come out each year: Peter came out at some point during first or second year - Remus can hardly remember as it was so long ago now - and then Sirius came out last year, and now it's apparently James' turn.
"I don't know what I am," James breaks the silence, almost making Remus jump from the sudden noise. "I mean, I like boys just as much as I like girls, but I also... The thought of dating someone, like how Sirius is probably going to go on a date with some random person he doesn't even know- I'm not attracted to that. I know it doesn't make much sense. What I'm trying to say is, I don't think I'm capable of liking someone I don't already know beforehand."
"I think that makes total sense," Remus utters with a shrug. James stares at him in surprise.
"Really?"
"Definitely. It just means you're attracted to people because of who they are, rather than because they look a certain way. You fall in love with someone's soul and that's beautiful, James," Remus promises. "I think, to me at least, that sounds like the purest kind of love."
"So, there isn't something wrong with me?"
"Not at all." Remus pulls his legs into the tub and then shuffles closer to James. He rests his hands on James' forearms, which are resting on his knees. "I'm sure there's a name out there for it. You aren't the only person who feels this way."
"You mean... there are others?" James stares at him in pure wonder and Remus feels his heart lurch at how small and innocent James looks right now.
"Definitely. I think I read somewhere that there's a word for when someone falls for another's personality over what they look like physically. It was called pansexual, I think."
"Pansexual," James repeats breathlessly. "Is that what I am then?"
"Only you can decide that for yourself, James. Research it and if it feels right, then there you go. If it doesn't, I'll help you look for a word, if you'd like one. Unless you'd rather not label yourself-"
"I think I would like to. Having something to call it- this feeling... I think it would really help me accept it, or understand it even."
"Alright then," Remus nods resolutely. "Just let me know if you would like my help."
"Thank you, Remus," James' throat bobs around the sentence and he has to swallow before carrying on. "You're a really, really great friend. I think you're probably my favourite, but don't tell Sirius or Pete, they'll never shut up about it."
Remus chuckles. "Only so long as you promise not to tell them that you're my favourite, too."
James' face lights up like a Christmas tree, warming Remus' heart right along with it. "Deal."
Monday - 9th September, 1974
After break on Monday, Remus has Defence with Peter, Lily, Mary and Alice. So far, Remus has been dubbed 'Dork' by Professor Pritchett, which is not so terrible compared to Peter's 'Stubby'. They meet Benji outside the classroom, who immediately chucks his arm over Peter's shoulders. It's friendly enough that to someone of the untrained eye, they look like they're just really close friends, but to those who know the truth, they see it as what it really is - a way for Peter and Benji to be close to each other even in public. They're going on a year now and Remus is very happy for them. They both deserve the love they receive from each other.
Remus enters the classroom with Lily at his side. Unfortunately, they have a seating plan this year, so Remus can't sit with her. However, he doesn't really mind his seating arrangement, as he gets to sit beside Alice. Lily is at the table behind them, but she, coincidentally, got sat beside Snape, so Remus and Lily don't talk much during this lesson. Peter got partnered with Mulciber, which he never stops complaining about, and Remus can't blame him. Mulciber is a gorilla of a boy, a horrible bully, and he smells a bit. Mary got lucky in the partner department just as Remus did - her partner is Florence, who she knows through Remus.
As they walk through the door to the classroom, Remus' attention is stolen by the creepy props littering the room. Apparently, Pritchett has decided to decorate. Stuffed animals - magical and regular - are placed in various places around the room, the biggest being a large stag head right above the teacher's desk. It's black, beady eyes stare down at him like it's begging him to save it.
They all take their seats, some students gazing around with shocked expressions at the new décor, whilst others don't seem to care about it much. Pritchett makes a dramatic entrance by banging open the door to his office, scaring a few students into jumping, and marching down the steps to the classroom. When he arrives at his desk, he waves his wand half-heartedly at the chalkboard at the front of the room. Chalk letters begin to scrawl along the board, hard enough to make that terrible piercing noise that comes with scratching the surface of a chalkboard. Remus flinches and goes to unpack his bag.
There's a small gasp from behind him and Remus turns to find Lily staring, pale-faced, at the front of the classroom. Confused, and a bit curious, Remus swivels in his seat to face the chalkboard. His eyes widen as he reads the words written across it.
WEREWOLVES AND HOW TO KILL THEM
There's a snicker from behind him and then the quiet hiss of, "Severus," from Lily. Remus feels as all of the colour drains from his face. He blinks harshly and fixes his eyes on the sheet of parchment in front of him instead. He can feel Peter's eyes on his from across the room, but he doesn't bother looking back. He would rather keep as much attention off himself as he possibly can right now. The only people in the room who know about his lycanthropy are Lily and Peter, not even Mary and Alice know.
"Turn to page two-hundred and thirteen in your textbook. For those of you that can read, you'll notice we are handling a topic of vital importance in today's lesson," Pritchett points sharply to the title on the chalkboard. "Werewolves and the dangers they pose to our society. Well, I'm sure you all know about that already. That's just reading the news. Now, what they don't tell you is how to get rid of the blasted things."
Next to him, Alice's hand flies into the air. Remus ignores it and continues to stare down at his parchment as if it's the most interesting thing he has ever seen.
"Questions later," Pritchett orders gruffly, but Alice doesn't back down. "What is it, incessant girl?"
"What is it you would consider a werewolf, Professor?"
"A werewolf? Hm. Nasty creatures, freak of natures if you ask me. The word werewolf means man-wolf. Therefore, any man who can turn into one would no longer be considered a man, but a beast."
Alice raises her hand again and, this time, Remus glances up at her with scrunched eyebrows. Pritchett rolls his eyes and gestures for her to speak.
"So, just to be clear, Professor. You would condone murdering a werewolf in human form when they pose no threat?"
Pritchett's eyes narrow, but Alice just continues to stare at the man like she is oblivious to his rising fury. Remus doesn't understand how she could be, it's palpable. His anger radiates through the air, thickening uncomfortably. Remus fidgets in his seat.
"If it is at risk of losing it's human mind, then absolutely," Pritchett answers, practically glaring at Alice now. Daring her to ask another question.
"But isn't it common knowledge that those suffering with lycanthropy only lose their own minds on the night of a full moon? I mean, even during the day, they are just as much a human as you or I."
"That isn't- they're-" Pritchett growls. "You say suffering as if they are the victims. They kill people. Murder them without mercy-"
"Professor, if I might chime in," Peter calls from across the room. Pritchett rolls his eyes before settling them on Peter. "If those suffering with lycanthropy do lose their minds, as you say, wouldn't that mean the person is not at fault? They are losing their human mind, yes? That would mean it is the animal in control then, which is a different being altogether. Would you try to wipe out every single carnivore on the planet simply because they stalk prey?"
"They are humans hunting humans," Pritchett grits through his teeth.
"But you said they lose their minds," Lily adds. "Might I phrase that better? The human part of their minds is not conscious when the wolf takes over, they would become an animal. The person, on the night of the full moon and never anytime else, would then have nothing to do with it. You could argue that they hunt humans and that is dangerous. However, if you happened to come across a lion, Professor, and it attempted to eat you, as is it's nature, would you go on a rampage and start killing every lion on the planet?"
"That isn't-"
"Lycanthropy isn't a decision," comes a voice from the back of the room. Remus only realises it is Scarlett Stark who has spoken when he turns in his chair. "It's something forced upon another person because they are bitten. And yes, you may argue, they wouldn't be bitten if you killed all the werewolves on the planet. However, I would rebuttle that genocide is not the answer. Perhaps, actually investigating, as well as handling the situation in a humane way, like warding off a place where werewolves could go to safely transition during the full moon, would be the most peaceful way of doing things."
"Peace," Pritchett spits the word from his mouth as if it's scum. "You want peace from these- these monsters. One look at you and it would kill you in a second, and you ask for peace?"
"They aren't monsters!" Alice shouts, startling Remus. He's never seen her speak up in class before, not unless she's been called upon, and even then she gets all nervous and goes red in the face. To witness her yelling at a teacher in a classroom full of people is astonishing. "They're people !"
"OUT!" Pritchett's voice bounds off the walls, loud enough to make several students flinch. "Anyone who supports Miss Fortescue, show yourself to the door."
Grabbing her bag, Alice jumps up from her seat and turns to Remus. "Come on then," she commands and he is so surprised that he actually gets up right along with her. Lily, much to Remus' shock, actually goes against a professor and starts to pack her things away, too. Across the room, Remus can see Peter joining them, which of course makes Benji get up. Soon, there's a small group of them rushing to free themselves from the classroom, including Marlene, Mary, Florence, Callum Smith, Bradley, Pandora and Scarlett Stark.
Through it all, Alice's hand finds Remus' and she drags him down the corridor like a girl on a mission. They walk so fast, they lose the others at the other end of the hall. When they turn a corner, Alice finally stops, bends over and breathes. She lets go of Remus' hand, muttering an apology to him, which he immediately waves off.
"No, really, I'm sorry," Alice rises to her full height again. She's taller than the other girls, enough to rival James' height. "I just had to get you out of there."
"Why?" Remus feels as his blood turns cold in his veins. "Alice, why ?"
"I know, Remus. Okay? I've known since 'you were attacked by something in the forest'," she uses her fingers as quotation marks. "It's fine, obviously. I don't care that you're a werewolf. I mean, I hope you're okay, but other than that - not bothered," she shrugs.
"What is up with Gryffindors and just... accepting everything?" Remus sags against the wall and brings a hand up to cover his face.
"Who else knows?" Alice asks, sounding closer. When Remus lets his hand drop, he finds Alice leaning up against the wall next to him.
"James, Sirius, Peter and Lily," Remus says, sighing because this was sort of inevitable. A part of him had hoped maybe not all of his friends would figure it out. Just because those four people were okay with it, that doesn't mean everyone he cares about will be. It's easier to not find out and live in ignorance than it is to realise the people he thought were his friends would kill him if they had the chance. "Oh, and Marie."
"Your Muggle girlfriend knows?" Alice's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline.
"She sort of figured it out herself," Remus mumbles. He hates that Marie knows. He hates that she knows about the Wizarding World full stop. He never wanted her to know because it's dangerous and it changes a person, and Marie was already so perfect before. Now, she knows he's a liar, that his parents are liars. Also, everything that is bad about Remus originates from the Wizarding World. Why would he ever want Marie to have any part in that?
"Smart girl," Alice huffs a small laugh. She turns to Remus. "Frank knows, too, you know."
"Which of you figured it out first?"
"He did," Alice admits. "Although, he did have the advantage of sharing a dorm with you and figuring out that you were absent from it every month."
"Aren't you... afraid?" Remus hangs his head, feeling ashamed.
"Of you?" Alice lets out a cackling laugh. "As if."
"I don't know whether to be relieved or offended."
"Both would probably be the only appropriate answer," Alice nods solemnly, making Remus laugh. "So, Mary, Marlene and Azalia are the only clueless ones?"
"I guess. Unless they figured it out like the rest of you lot did," Remus shakes his head. "I wouldn't put it past them."
At that moment, Lily catches up with them, having brought the rest of the flyaway students with her.
"We're going to go to McGonagall and see if we can get a new Defence teacher because this one is utter shit," Lily announces, her cheeks flushed red with anger.
"Alright, Evans, no need for such filthy fucking language," Remus gasps, pretending to be scandalised.
"Are you coming?" Lily asks, panting. Remus can practically hear the adrenaline rushing through her.
Remus turns to Alice, who nods encouragingly. Meeting Lily's furious, green eyes, Remus says, "Count me in."
***
Monday - 9th September, 1974
James
James has just had one of the worst weeks of his life. Ever since the first night back, when he went to the astronomy tower to see Reg, he's been in a terrible mood. He blames himself for everything that went down, of course. James is a master at self-deprecation by now, it's just been so long since it's been this bad.
He knows Regulus must be livid with him for reacting so horridly when he noticed the brand new scar blemishing the boy's skin. It's not even the fact that Regulus technically broke a promise that James trusted, it's that he trusted it to begin with. Regulus can't help it if his mother abuses him and James should have never made him promise to avoid such a thing. It obviously isn't under his control, otherwise his back would be scar-free. James is angry at himself for reacting in the way he did, but also... he'd frightened himself a bit.
James isn't a violent person. Even when Harry was killed, all James felt was deep and utter despair, nothing even verging on anger. He felt guilty and a loss so sharp and painful it still throbs inside of him to this day. James has never found himself wanting to injure another person, even Snape when he's being a prick. James dislikes the boy, sure, but the worse he would do to him is play a funny prank on him, perhaps harm his dignity a bit, but never physically hurt him.
James wants to hurt Walburga Black.
She's the first person he's ever felt the urge to burn. He remembers experiencing this feeling, these thoughts, when he met her on platform 9 3/4 a couple of years ago. But even then, it hadn't been anything to worry about, it was just a thought in the back of his mind.
Now, however, James has the urge. He really wants to hurt her and that- it scares him. The most frightening part of it all is the fact that even after letting himself calm down, even once he really thought about it and considered what a dark and terrible thought it was, he still wanted to do it. To find what would hurt her the most and just press. Because she hurt Regulus. She keeps doing it and James can't do anything to stop her.
That's why he'd had to get as far away from Regulus as possible at the tower, because Regulus shouldn't be around such darkness. His house is already full of shadows and curses, his friend shouldn't add to all of that. Most of all, James is ashamed of all the darkness in his head. One of the first nights they spent together at the tower, James told Regulus that his fatal flaw is being overly protective of everyone around him, always wanting everyone to be as safe as possible, and sometimes that can make him overbearing, too much to be around. He'd meant it that first night and he means it now. He is overly protective of everyone, but he's starting to realise that when it comes to Regulus, he would be the one to cause the hurt if it meant keeping him safe.
It terrifies him.
So, James has been avoiding Regulus all week, not even entertaining the idea of glancing in his direction. He's also too much of a coward to return to the tower because he knows Regulus will be angry at him and he doesn't want to face that. Plus, how can James tell Regulus that the reason he got so frustrated and left was because he suddenly had some very vivid thoughts about hurting Regulus' mother...
Yeah, no. He'll sound like a lunatic.
Whilst he gets ready for bed that night, Remus starts telling Sirius, James and Frank all about how he and a bunch of other students went stampeding into McGonagall's office earlier today after Professor Pritchett starting spreading nonsense about killing werewolves. At this, Sirius starts going on a tirade about how Remus shouldn't listen to the man and then starts throwing every insult known to humankind at the professor who isn't even present.
James goes to bed with a sickening twist in his stomach. His anxiety triggers the worst nightmare he's had since the summer. It's different to the others - in this one he wanders back into the forest during the night, something he wanted to do back five years ago when his and Harry's fathers were in there searching for Harry all night long. James' mother, however, had restricted him to staying inside the four walls of their house. His dream doesn't seem to care very much about reality.
He enters the forest, branches snapping under his feet. When he looks up, he notices a full moon hanging in the sky. Strange. It wasn't a full moon the last time he was here.
His feet carry him to the abandoned shack in the woods, which is hauntingly barren. James carries on, realising along the way that he is also taller than he was when he last visited this place. He doesn't think too much about that, wanting to find Harry quickly before his mother notices he left the house.
There's a rustle from somewhere behind him and, instinctively, his head snaps to the side to investigate the noise. He finds nothing there, so he turns back around but is immediately faced with a creepy man who sneers down at him. Richard Clark, his mind echoes. He doesn't remember how he knows him, just that he is sure this man is dangerous. James doesn't want to be in the dark with him. Then, when he blinks, in place of the man is another, one James also recognises. He has a blonde plait that is slung over his shoulder and piercing black eyes. James knows who this man is - it's Professor Pritchett. However, when James blinks again, he turns back into the other man.
What?
The man flickers like a broken Muggle projector, switching between the two faces. Then, before James can stop him, he grips his wrist and starts dragging him through the forest. James tries to scramble away, but it doesn't work. He isn't strong enough. The flickering man leads him to Harry, who is lying on the floor, staring up at the night sky like it's a daydream. James calls out his name, but Harry doesn't seem to hear him. He tries again and again, but to no avail.
Still fluttering between faces, the man steps forward, bending over Harry in a way that makes James feel sick. He turns his head to grin at James, who finds that he can't move his feet. It feels like someone has put him in a body-bind, only he's standing up. Before his eyes, the man transforms into a werewolf. He lifts up a grey, furry paw and brings it back down into Harry's side, swiping along his entire torso and up his chest. James sees red, feels it hit his face, and- and-
He screams himself awake and is instantly thankful of the silencing charm he put up around his bed the night before. When he glances out the window, he notices the moon, waning, still present in the sky. He picks up his wand from his bedside table and casts a tempus charm to check the time. It tells him that it's only one in the morning. Sighing, James puts his glasses on, knowing there is no chance of him getting anymore sleep tonight. Not after that nightmare. He's never had any like it. Sure, they've been gruesome before, flashing images of Harry's body, but James has never dreamt of witnessing his actual death before and that- that was too much.
Every time he blinks, he can see it. It is burnt against the back of his eyelids, ready to jump out at him whenever he closes his eyes.
Stumbling out of his bed, James crosses the room to Peter's bed and finds the map lying folded on the floor. He picks it up and ambles back over to his own bed, where he closes the curtains and whispers, "Lumos," illuminating the small space so he can read the map. His eyes jump to the astronomy tower straight away and, to his surprise, Regulus' name is scrawled out there. James has checked every night this week and found the tower empty.
He can't sleep anyway... He might as well...
It doesn't take him long to get to the tower. By the time he gets there, Regulus must have decided to leave because the moment James opens the door, Regulus is directly behind it. He looks startled to find James there, but that expression soon drops into a more sour one. And oh. Oh no, James doesn't want him to look at him like that. It took him so long to stop Regulus from looking at him like that. He knows he deserves it, but that doesn't mean he can handle it.
"Reg," James breathes.
"What do you want, Potter?" His words are harsh but his tone is soft, like he can't even be bothered to show James how he truly feels.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," James steps into the tower and lets the door shut behind him. It bangs in the soundless space, making both James and Regulus flinch at the same time. "I- There's- That's not all I came here to say."
"I don't care for your pitiful apologies or your excuses-"
"I just want to explain," James jumps to say. He is so afraid Regulus will try to run, will just turn around and leave again. Oh, James has missed him. He's missed him so much.
Regulus squints his eyes at him suspiciously. Then, huffing and crossing his arms, he mutters, "Fine then. Hurry up about it."
"I didn't leave because I was mad at you for breaking the promise, I should have never asked you to swear such a thing to me in the first place. Honestly, now that I think about it, telling you to promise me you would be okay was messed up. I'm so sorry, Reg," James pushes all the sincerity in his body into his voice, hoping Regulus will notice.
"Yes, well. I was okay, mostly," Regulus shrugs, still glaring at James like he's his worst enemy.
"And I should have let you tell me that," James says with a sigh. "The reason I got so upset is because- it's because I-" His jaw clenches, not allowing the words to slip past his lips. Admitting to his past is one thing, but confessing his darkest thoughts out loud... James doesn't know if he can. He looks down at Regulus, who is waiting patiently for James to explain himself, giving him yet another chance, even though James is sure he's used all of his chances up by now. He expects an answer and he deserves one, too. So, even if it makes him disgusted or ashamed to be friends with him, James is going to tell him the truth.
"You know how I completely refuse to hurt anyone because it's just not- I can't- not after everything that happened with Harry and how it feels like my fault." Regulus nods in response because he is listening and James is so grateful for that. "It's not just something I choose, it's also like an instinct now to just never hurt anyone else physically. Violence is the last thing on my mind at all times, it doesn't ever even occur to me as an option in any situation-"
"James, I know all this," Regulus interrupts, sounding exasperated. "What does this have to do with anything?"
"I scared myself that night," he blurts out. "More than I ever have before because I realised I'm not above violence. I am just like everyone else. The moment I saw that she had hurt you again, I wanted to-" He cuts himself off, feeling the rage build up inside of him once again, visions of Walburga beneath his wand-point flood his mind against his will. He feels sick. "I wanted to hurt her for ever touching you," James growls out.
James expects Regulus to grimace, to look at him like he's dirt or a disappointment. He expects him to yell at him, or perhaps run away screaming. Maybe he'll tell James how mental he sounds and degrade him as much as he's been degrading himself.
However, what James does not expect, is for Regulus to blush.
At first, he can't be sure that it isn't caused by the cold, after all it is September now and the nights have become much cooler as summer's begun to slip away from them. Then, Regulus looks up at him with wide, wonder-filled eyes and James can physically see how his cheeks grow even redder.
"Regulus?"
"That's why you left?" Regulus' voice is small, sort of like how Alice's is when she is forced to speak up in class, like he can't make it any bigger, is struggling to get the words out.
"I was scared for you again because you shouldn't be around me when I'm thinking such dark thoughts."
Regulus takes a step towards James subconsciously, like he's naturally drawn to him and truly cannot help it. James does the same, feeling a strange sort of thrill in it. Regulus isn't reacting the way he thought he would. He isn't running or yelling at him, he isn't disgusted or angry. He looks quite awestruck, actually.
"You can think dark thoughts," the words seem to fall out of Regulus' mouth without his permission; James can tell by the way Regulus immediately looks shocked by what he's said. He blinks violently and inhales deeply. "What I meant was, I don't mind. You don't scare me, you could never scare me."
"Never say never," James mumbles, something his mother says when she's trying to be optimistic. James realises he's just used it in the opposite way, but he doesn't take it back.
Regulus steps forward again until their socked feet knock into each other. He has to bend his head now to look at James because he grew a lot over the summer.
"You could never scare me, James. You could actually hurt someone and I wouldn't care. I would help you hide it. Does that scare you?"
"No," James says reflexively, and maybe that makes him a bad person. Maybe that makes Regulus a bad person, too. James doesn't really care very much if it means they understand each other. He will accept Regulus' ugly, if Regulus will accept his in turn, and even if Regulus won't. James would accept every part of Regulus - that is another thought that scares him. "You might just be my favourite person in this world, actually. I don't think there is anything you could do that would change that."
"People can surprise you, James," Regulus whispers. Then, he leans forward and rests his head against the front of James' shoulder, his arms coming up to wrap around him.
James realises that this is the first hug Regulus has initiated between them. It's their third and already it's James' favourite one. He loops his arms around Regulus' shoulders, burying one of his hands in Regulus' soft curls, and resting his chin on top of his head. There's that autumn smell about him that was there before the summer and it makes James' heart soar.
I love you, he thinks, but he doesn't say it. Regulus probably already knows anyway, after James' confession that he is his favourite person. He hadn't been lying either, which surprises him. Regulus knows his darkest thoughts, some of his deepest secrets, and he's still here. Of course James loves him. What is there not to love?
"Do you still want occlumency lessons?" Regulus murmurs against his chest.
"If you're still offering," James replies excitedly. Regulus pulls away from him and smiles up at him.
"Come on, we can start now," Regulus announces. He reaches out to take James' hand and pulls him over to the other side of the tower. They sit down opposite each other and Regulus pulls out his wand.
"What's first?"
"Okay, so, the first thing you need to do is picture a house in your mind. In each room of the house, there will be memories. I want you to keep all of the doors locked. Make sure your deepest secrets, the ones I don't know and that you absolutely don't want me to see, are sealed in the basement. Are you picturing it?"
"Yeah," James nods eagerly.
"Alright, now try to keep me out of the house full stop, but don't worry about it if you can't yet. Remember, you're just a beginner. If you'd like, you can use the diversion method where you lead me into a room that has a fake memory or a real memory that isn't of much harm to keep me away from the others. Although, you might find that a bit difficult since you've never done this before." He holds out his wand, pointing it only an inch or two away from James' face, angling it between his eyes. "Be prepared for a surprise attack, too. Legilimens."
James has never felt his brain before. It's a weird thing to experience. As soon as Regulus has cast the spell, it feels like he's poking two of his fingers through a tunnel that runs through James' brain. Flashes of moments from James' childhood - times before Harry ever came about - jump to the front of his mind. He tries to picture a house, but gets distracted by the unusual sensation of having another presence in his mind.
Closing his eyes and breathing in deeply, James does his absolute best to ignore it and picture a front door instead. He thinks about what material it would be made of, what colour it is and whether the paint on it is chipped or not. He visualises a golden letterbox on the front of a red door, which has a huge, brass knocker in the shape of a lion, and a peephole for the inhabitants inside to use when they want to see who is trying to get in. He looks down with his mind's eye and imagines a doormat with a sun and a star drawn on it. He hopes Regulus can see it.
James feels Regulus push at the door and he allows him to come inside. He pictures a long corridor with doors on either side of the walls. He leads Regulus into the first one on the right. Inside, there's the memory of the first time James ever saw Regulus. He looked so small in that compartment, all alone and tucked away in the corner. Then, the mini version of himself accidentally bangs the door open and real James flinches at the noise that echoes in his head. He hadn't meant to open the door so brashly, but it was lighter than he expected. He remembers how Regulus had jumped, shocked, only to smile a moment later when he saw James.
Slowly, he blinks his eyes open as the memory fades away into nothing. Regulus, who is sitting across from him, is watching him with curious eyes.
"How did you do that?" Regulus asks.
"What?"
"It was your first try and you handled it brilliantly," Regulus admits. James feels all sheepish now. "I thought your impulse control would be much worse."
"It usually is," James chuckles, scratching the back of his neck. "Sometimes, I get caught up in a thought though and I can't really be drawn away from it until my brain focuses again."
"Is that why you're silent sometimes?"
"I guess so," James shrugs. "My mother always said the only times I was ever calm during my childhood was when I was distracted daydreaming about something or other."
"Do you want to have another go?" Regulus shuffles closer across the floor until their legs are touching.
"Okay," James says, preparing himself for the mental attack again. "I'm ready."
Wednesday - 11th September, 1974
As breakfast comes to a close, the four Marauders sit at the Gryffindor table with an air of anticipation about them. Nine o'clock on the dot is when the prank is supposed to settle in. It had originally been Peter's idea, but each of them contributed little details to it over the last week. When nine o'clock hits and people start evacuating the Great Hall to head to their lessons, James' eyes are glued to the Slytherin table, where he notices the first bloom of red start to bleed across one of the older years' robes. Soon, the Slytherin table is flooded with students dressed in red and gold. Some of them try to pull their ties off or shed their robes, but find it impossible. It had been Remus' idea to make it so the uniform would shrink did anyone attempt to remove it (and would keep doing so until they slid it back on properly), the evil genius.
Most Slytherins looks absolutely livid and aim their glares at the Gryffindor table, not knowing specifically who the culprits are, just that they are Gryffindors. Some of them pull out their wands and start casting colour-changing spells, which don't work because it had been Sirius' brilliant thinking to make sure there would be no way of reversing or changing the spell they cast on the Slytherins.
James' eyes jump to Regulus, who just blinks down at his robes, grimaces, and then meets James' eyes across the hall. James widens his eyes and smiles. Regulus shakes his head but he doesn't look angry, instead he ducks his head to hide the grin slowly growing on his face.
Barty, who is probably the only Slytherin other than Regulus who doesn't look mutinous (even Dorcas doesn't look very happy), jumps up from the Slytherin table and comes waddling over to the Gryffindors. He sits down beside Alice and, in the sweetest voice James has ever heard come out of Barty's mouth, says, "If this makes me a Gryffindor, then we can finally sit together!"
Alice smiles at her friend. "Barty, you could sit here anyway if you'd like to."
Barty shrugs and then reaches forward to steal an apple slice from James' plate. "You do have nicer food over here."
"Hey," James huffs, pulling his plate away from reach.
"Cheers, Potter," Barty winks before pressing a kiss to Alice's cheek and making his way back over to the Slytherin table where his friends have now started to pack their things away.
"He's being suspiciously sweet," Peter notes, eyes narrowing as he watches Barty reconvene with his friends.
"Yeah, he didn't even glare at me today," Frank adds with a proud grin.
"We had a good summer," Alice explains as she gets up from the table. "He can be very nice, you know. Just because he's a Slytherin, that doesn't mean he's a bad person."
"Not all Slytherins are bad," James says casually. Then, because he doesn't want anyone to get suspicious, he adds, "Dorcas is very lovely."
"She is," Remus agrees.
"Lovely isn't the word I'd use," Marlene mutters. James catches Sirius rolling his eyes, but no one mentions it because they all know by now that Marlene clearly isn't Dorcas Meadowes' biggest fan. No one knows why that is, just that they shouldn't bring it up.
James has Herbology first and this year he's been grouped together with Mary and Pandora, so he looks forward to the lesson whenever he has it because Pandora tends to go on rants about her friends, which means she spends a lot of time talking about Regulus. This just means James gets to learn more about him, which you won't hear him complaining about. Mary always seems particularly interested whenever Pandora mentions Barty and James wonders what that is all about.
This year, they are learning about how magical plants can be used for medicinal purposes. James is particularly fascinated by this part of the subject; ever since Remus said James would make a good healer, he hasn't been able to stop picturing it whenever he thinks about his future. He would love to help people and he isn't a stranger to gore, plus it involves a lot of Potions skills, which James possesses thanks to his father. He thinks he would make a good healer.
They learn about how Skele-Gro was invented and James discovers that it was one of his ancestors that created it. He'd known one of his ancestors invented the Pepper-Up Potion, but not this one. Apparently, some man called Winfred of Stinchcombe founded a bunch of medicinal potions and one of them was the basis for Skele-Gro; people called him 'the potterer' and that is how he got the name 'Potter'. James feels a bit embarrassed when Sprout mentions this, especially when a few students turn to look at him, but mostly he is impressed. It is so cool to find out where his last name came from.
After Herbology, he has a free period and then break. Next, he has double Potions, which he no longer looks forward to for two reasons: one, Regulus isn't his partner (which James considers a horrendous crime); two, his partner is Scarlett Stark, of all people. Okay, if he's being honest, James doesn't know why he dislikes her, he just knows that there's an intrinsic part of himself that abhors the girl. What's worse is, every time he shows his dislike towards her, she smirks like she knows something he doesn't, which only makes him more irritated by her.
Luckily for him, Mary sits at the table just in front of him and she's partnered with Barty, who has some weird frenemy thing going on with Scarlett; it amuses James to watch the two Slytherins interact; it feels like a game of pingpong, watching the two of them go from insulting each other to speaking with a fondness you can only experience with a close friend. Every time they say something particularly... interesting, let's call it, Mary looks at James with raised eyebrows and he has to stop himself from laughing.
When Potions finally comes to a close, Mary and James, along with Remus, Lily and Peter who are also in the same Potions class as them, head off for lunch. They find Sirius already sitting at the table waiting for them because he just had a double free period. They talk about the latest gossip, which is that Alecto Carrow has taken to bullying a student in the year below called Holly Travers. Apparently, she knocked the poor girl over in the corridor in front of everyone this morning.
Their conversation comes to a sudden halt when Alice drops down suddenly in the seat beside Mary. Her expression is a mixture of worry, disgust and shock. Mary frowns and asks her if she's alright. Alice, who does not look alright in the slightest, pours herself a cup of coffee and then, to everyone's surprise, downs the entire thing without even wincing.
"Barty just asked me if you were single," she says in a rush, her face twisting into a grimace. Then, she glances down at her empty cup and gags.
"Are you gagging because of Barty or the coffee?" Mary chuckles.
"Both," Alice admits before sighing. "I think he's going to ask you to go to Hogsmeade with him next weekend."
"Oh," Mary flicks her gaze towards the Slytherin table.
"Oh ?" Alice asks a bit shrilly. "Is that a good oh or a bad oh?"
"He's cute," Mary shrugs before filling her mouth with a sandwich. She swallows and then turns to Alice. "You won't mind if I say yes, will you?"
"I- I mean..." Alice pulls a face. "It's Barty, he's my best friend and I love him, but he is a bit troubled. Just... be careful, yeah?"
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Mary smirks. She looks back across the room, raises an eyebrow and tilts her head. "He's got lovely hair."
Sirius shrieks, somehow offended by anyone saying anything about anyone else's hair ever that isn't about his. Mary pouts and ruffles his hair.
"You've got gorgeous hair, too, darling," she smiles softly at him and kisses his forehead. Sirius melts under the attention.
For the rest of the day, James has Transfiguration, DADA, and Muggle Studies. Ever since Remus and Lily, as well as a dozen other students went complaining about Pritchett to McGonagall, Pritchett's lessons have been textbook-accurate. He must have been threatened with losing his job did he not turn it around because he no longer offers his own, likely prejudice, views on certain topics when they come up. He does, however, spend the lesson glaring at certain students, like if he can't say his true thoughts out loud, maybe if he thinks them hard enough someone will hear them.
When their final lesson comes to a close, James tells Peter and Sirius he's going to head to the library for a little while. He doesn't tell them that he's going there to research what pansexuality is, but they don't seem too eager to come with him anyway. They both look exhausted from the full day of lessons and wave to him as they head off to Gryffindor Tower.
He finds a table in a secluded part of the library and brings with him a pile of books he finds on sexuality and "the soul". It takes him ages to work his way through the chapters that all concern pansexuality, but eventually James comes across a sentence that solidifies something inside of him:
Pansexuality: the act of loving and bearing
one's soul to another, no matter the gender, and loving
the unseen features of a person.
Slowly, James closes the book and holds it between his hands for a good five minutes as he repeats the line in his mind over and over. He smiles to himself. That's what I feel, he tells himself. That's what I am- who I am.
It's a moment just for himself. A moment that doesn't concern anyone else; it isn't about Harry, who he's loved for half of his life; it isn't about Remus, who helped him find the definition. No, this moment is his and his alone. This is when something inside of him snaps. This is what he is and he is okay with that because reading it, repeating it to himself and really listening for the first time ever, it sounds so beautiful. James isn't alone in this, there are other people out there like him. People who don't fall in love artificially or from looking at someone for the first time - for some that would be romantic, a wonderful thing. But James falls in love with people's souls, and to him, that is the warmest form of love he can imagine.
It's the moment he accepts that he won't only love Harry forever. Just because he hasn't fallen in love with someone else's soul yet, it doesn't mean he never will. James loves his friends because he knows what beautiful people they are on the inside. James loves his parents because he's watched them grow right along with him. James loves Harry and that will never go away but, just as Mary said, he can love multiple people in his life and he will. He can feel the capability to love inside of him. It feels like light, not the blinding sort that hurts your eyes, but the kind that comes from stars when they illuminate the night sky. Like hope.
There's a feeling in his gut and it's like it's trying to send him a message, but he is just out of reach of it. He recognises the swoop in his stomach, the squirming sensation in his heart, he's felt all of this before.
He just can't place where he recognises it.
Maybe he isn't ready to hear it yet.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-wolfstar are so cute in the beginning of this chapter, I actually love them so much. just them having a dance party in the dorm <3 also, jealous Remus 😏 don't be mad at him because he's having these feelings whilst dating Marie, he doesn't even realise what the feelings mean and he would never cheat on her because he cares about her.
-James and Remus' friendship <3
-I'm so proud of James! He came out to another person and now he's discovering how to accept himself which is just great for him. I want to give this little fourteen-year-old boy a hug :(
-Pritchett having a stag head on the wall... That's going to terrify James very soon 😂 I hate this professor, if you couldn't tell already. I also feel so bad for Remus because he basically got called a beast and a monster in the space of five minutes, as well as receiving a death threat.. this poor boy
-I love everyone sticking up for werewolves <3 Obviously, Scarlett is now about to add them to her list of creatures to protect and get rights for, and we love her for that <3 ALICE! She knows! she is such a Queen, I love her <33
-Lily Evans <3
-If you haven't already noticed, dark James might be merging in a little bit. just. him wanting to hurt anyone who hurts regulus because he "doesn't like it" 😖😖 I love pure-morals James, but sometimes he needs to rebel a bit - Regulus likes dark James 😏 "You could never scare me" ☹☹
-James loves him ☹ At the moment, it's platonic love, just to clarify. When he thinks it, he means it because Regulus is his friend.
-I feel like people with ADHD would actually be very good at occlumency. we would just get caught up in one memory and get distracted by every little thing and forget what we're supposed to be doing 😭
-Barty and Mary would be a hot couple, argue with the wall :)
-James is pansexual! officially labelled and everything. also, that feeling he was experiencing at the end there was his body trying to tell him that he likes someone else, but he just doesn't realise it yet. we're getting there, guys, don't worry!Thank you so much for all your comments on the last chapter. I love them! Thanks for the kudos/support/love/questions. I appreciate it all. I'll see you in another 7-10 days :)
Chapter 47: Fourth Year: The Fireworks
Summary:
Regulus and Scarlett learn a little more about Andromeda. Sirius goes on a date. Halloween things because it's spooky season.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-bullying
-implied incest
-insult 'four-eyes' used for someone with glasses
-mild abuse (someone gets their hair pulled/ordered to change their outfit)
-mention of an unwanted arranged marriageI'm so sick and have been for ten days :(
Also, R.I.P. to our queen Maggie Smith <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I know that I shouldn't touch but you twist my heart
'Cause I can never get enough once the feeling starts
~ Why Don't We
Monday - 16th September, 1974
Regulus
On their way to Transfiguration, Regulus, Scarlett and Evan come across Alecto cornering Holly against a wall. Amycus isn't too far away, arms crossed over his front as he sneers proudly at his sister, Mulciber by his side. Evan pauses as he takes in the scene in front of him and Regulus watches as guilt bleeds into his features. This has been happening for days now - they'll come across Alecto doing something or other to Holly until a professor intervenes. It's all because Holly has what Alecto wants, which is Evan, and apparently Alecto Carrow has never been told no before. She isn't taking it very well.
Alecto pushes Holly's books out of her hands, knocking them to the floor. Holly's friends glare up at Alecto, whilst Holly literally shivers in her boots. Alecto gains on the small girl, pulling her wand out and jabbing her right between the eyes with it, making Holly gasp out a small, "Ouch !"
"Evan, do something," Scarlett hisses, practically pushing him into the fray. Evan stumbles forward, sending a frustrated look Scarlett's way. He straightens up and stomps forward, a look of determination playing sternly with his features. He may not care about Holly in the way he is meant to, but Regulus gets the impression that Evan cares about her a little bit. They did spend a lot of the summer together, so he would be surprised if Evan wasn't at least a tiny bit fond of her by now.
"Alecto!" Evan calls out loudly. Alecto spins around and grins manically at Evan, stars in her eyes as she looks him up and down with a keen stare.
"Oh, hello, Evan. Little miss and I were just having a tiny chat-"
"Get away from her," Evan commands with confidence in his voice that Regulus hadn't expected. Everyone knows how shy Evan is, especially when he's in a crowded space, and they have gathered an audience by now. Students on their way to classes stop to watch what will happen next, some whispering between themselves while others stand in silent anticipation.
Alecto stomps her foot on the ground petulantly and lets out a strangled moan. "Why? What is so special about her ? She is a child, I am a woman." She raises her chin primly. "I know you really want me. Don't worry, you don't have to hide it!"
"For the last fucking time," Evan growls out. "I. Don't. Like. You. Got it? Bloody leave me alone, and leave my- my- Leave Holly alone," he points a finger in her face. "Stop messing with her."
Holly watches Evan with wide eyes and Regulus can already tell she's falling for him, which isn't exactly great considering the fact that Evan doesn't fancy her back.
Amycus steps forward with Mulciber, glaring at Evan with fire in his eyes. He gets right up in his face, which has Evan leaning back out of disgust. He doesn't stand down though, only waits for Amycus to make the first move. As if out of reflex, Regulus steps forward to flank Evan, whilst Scarlett moves around them to Holly's side and helps her pack her books away in her bag before sending her off to class with a kind smile. Then, she's by Regulus' side, narrowing her eyes at the Carrows and Mulciber.
"You'd be lucky to have my sister, Rosier," Amycus snaps, pulling out his wand. Regulus rolls his eyes at the dramatics and catches Scarlett doing the same thing. "You're not good enough for her anyway, I don't see why she likes you so much. If it were up to me, she'd be with-"
"Oh, there's no need to announce your disgraceful, little secret to the world, is there, Carrow?" Evan retorts, stepping forward and using his height to loom over Amycus menacingly. Regulus has never seen Evan look so pissed off before. "We all know you and your sister are closer than most siblings are."
"What- we aren't-" Amycus cuts himself off with a growl as his face turns a purplish-red. He points his wand at Evan, whose wand is still in his pocket, and casts a Silencio spell. Evan opens his mouth, but no words come out. He lifts his hand to carefully touch his neck where his voice box is.
Regulus has his wand out in a second and reverses the spell, giving Evan his voice back. Then, he points it at Amycus and the Black family madness must be showing because Amycus visibly shrinks back, even though he is taller than Regulus. Mulciber even slips off to the side, apparently not wanting to go up against Regulus.
"Try that again, Carrow, and I'll get rid of worse than your voice," Regulus spits out threateningly. Amycus gulps and takes another step back.
"You wouldn't."
"Want to take that risk?"
Amycus stares at him for a bit longer and then seems to realise that Regulus isn't joking around. He really isn't, either. There is nothing he wouldn't do for his friends he's coming to realise.
"Okay, fine," Amycus grumbles. He turns around, takes his sister's hand, and announces, "Come on, Alecto, we're going."
"But-"
"No, we're going!" He tugs on her hand and drags her into the crowd of students.
Regulus' blood is still pumping by the time Defence Against the Dark Arts comes around in second period. It gets worse when Tonks doesn't even bother to hide his amusement at Pritchett's nickname for Regulus. Then, his rage almost bubbles over the top completely when Pritchett mockingly names James 'Four-eyes' because of his glasses. Regulus is ready to kill the man, if he's being honest. He's had enough. Pritchett can call him whatever he wants, but he isn't allowed to pick on his friends. Especially not James' glasses, which is one of his most charming features, in Regulus' opinion.
This lesson, they are instructed to line up their desks at either side of the room because they are doing a practical lesson. Last lesson, Pritchett had them reading about knock-back jinxes, among some others, but today they will be learning how to cast it properly. He tells them to remain with their "desk buddies", which means Regulus has to work with Tonks.
They stand a meter away from each other, as they are advised to. James remains right next to them with Azalia Edgecombe, he looks just as anxious as Regulus would expect him to. He's probably afraid that Regulus and Sirius are going to hurt each other. Regulus can't even blame him. He's in such a bad mood that the thought does cross his mind. But if he hurts Sirius, he will also be hurting James.
Regulus is the first to cast the jinx, he does it as gently as he can manage, which is difficult because he really just wants to let out his anger, but he doesn't. Tonks goes next and uses more force than Regulus did, making him stumble backwards a bit. Regulus goes again, this time putting a bit more power behind it, but not enough to cause any harm.
"Is that all you've got?" Tonks taunts, smirking at him. He's trying to provoke him and Regulus doesn't want to let him, but he's got a slightly looser grip on his impulse control at the moment than he usually would. "Come on, you can do better than that. Channel all those dark, Slytherin thoughts of yours. Hit me-"
Regulus sends the jinx his way again, but still not enough to hurt.
"Well, that was just embarrassing for you," Tonks snickers and Regulus clenches his jaw. "Oh, he's getting angry now. Come on, give it to me, Black! Let it out!"
He casts the jinx again and again, still he doesn't hurt him. Hurting him would be hurting James, he chants in his head.
"Wow, how disappointing," Tonks tuts, taking a step forward. Regulus glares at him. "Maybe this will be in your next letter from home. Maybe mummy will remind you-"
"Flipendo," Regulus yells and Sirius goes sailing back into a table. Hyperventilating, Regulus tries to let go of his rage and focus back on the fact that he is isn't supposed to be harming Sirius. His eyes are tightly shut and his fists are clenched by his sides. When he's calmed down a bit, he opens his eyes only to watch Sirius jump up from the floor and instantly march back over to him.
"Nice," Sirius nods amicably, which... okay then. Not exactly what Regulus expected, but sure. He spares a glance James' way, who is watching the two of them with a troubled expression. If he keeps worrying as much as he does, he'll be bald by the time he hits his thirties. When Regulus looks back at Sirius, he grimaces at the sight of the boy's wand pointed at his face. "My turn, munchkin."
Regulus rolls his eyes and waits for the attack to come. When it does, Sirius doesn't hold back, sending Regulus across the classroom. He crashes right into Barty and Violetta, who complain about being knocked to the floor. Seething, Regulus gets up and stomps back over to the other side of the classroom to where Tonks is grinning, completely satisfied by his work.
They continue on like this for the rest of the lesson, sending each other flying through the air. It helps Regulus get his anger out and he finds that he actually quite enjoys himself.
During his final lesson of the day, Regulus is mortified. They're in Divination and their dream journals are due in today. Their professor takes in their journals and then, to everyone's horror, starts reading out her favourite entries. She keeps them all anonymous, but it's pretty obvious in some cases when students sink into their chairs with red faces, trying to hide from the embarrassment of it all.
Regulus looks across the room at where James is sitting. His leg is bouncing nervously up and down, likely because he's been having bad nightmares again (he told Regulus this last night when Regulus saw one of the nightmares in James' mind whilst they were doing more occlumency lessons). Regulus just hopes that their teacher is smart enough not to read one of them out because he knows for a fact that James won't be able to handle hearing someone else say it aloud.
When Regulus' entry comes up, he keeps his expression plain and doesn't physically show any difference in his demeanour. He refuses to allow anyone in this room to figure out that it's his. After all, the one their professor reads out isn't a very nice one. It was a ridiculous dream, something inspired by his boggart from the year before. He'd dreamt that he was in the drawing room after being left there by his mother and that he'd gone over to the family tree. The dream version of himself had reached out to touch one of the splotch marks beneath Andromeda's name - the one with the letters SI sewn beneath it.
As soon as his hand came into contact with the tapestry, one of the branches snapped out to grab at his arm. He tried to yank it back, but the branch just wrapped around his arm tightly like a snake. Soon, more branches were reaching out, yanking at his limbs, wrapping him up in them like a spider would a fly with it's web. He became a part of the tree, trapped there forever. Then, he'd woken up. That was one of the nights when he didn't go to the astronomy tower because he was mad at James. He isn't, not anymore. He understands now why James left, he'd scared himself. He thought Regulus would be afraid of him. To tell the truth, Regulus wasn't frightened in the slightest. He felt a peculiar rush of exhilaration pass through him as soon as James' confession fell past his lips. No one has ever been that protective over him before and Regulus didn't realise he would like it as much as he did.
Luckily, Regulus doesn't hear anything about any woods or childhood friends getting murdered. In fact, he doesn't even know which dream is James' when their teacher reads them all out. They were all a bit odd, most of them about animals or the castle, one of them was about someone befriending a broomstick and calling it 'Woody' before dressing it up in a top-hat and a coat.
After class, Regulus, Evan and Barty meet the girls by the greenhouses and then, together, they make the walk down to Hagrid's. They haven't had the chance to visit him yet this year, what with all the work that has been piled on them since returning to school. They've seen him at mealtimes, but Regulus could never outwardly greet him or even look at him, not wanting to risk his mother finding out. He doubts she would send him another howler about the same topic (it would be an embarrassment that Regulus hadn't listened after the first time) but she might threaten to pull him from the school.
When they get there, Hagrid welcomes them in with open arms. It smells like he's been cooking something in here. Hagrid's hut hasn't changed since the last time Regulus was here, it is still as cluttered as always, with all the same furniture. The six of them spread out along the bench that stretches around Hagrid's table. Hagrid pulls over a stool and sits down across from them all. He hands out cookies, which they all sneakily pass to Pandora and Barty under the table because those are the only two of them that actually enjoy Hagrid's baking.
Hagrid asks how their lessons are going and Dorcas immediately starts going on a tangent about how this year she got paired with McKinnon in Potions. She doesn't even mention Tonks, though Regulus supposes that's because Dorcas doesn't have much of a problem with him like Regulus does. She really seems to despise Marlene McKinnon though, for some reason. She talks about how irritating she is to work with for almost ten minutes before Barty interrupts her by announcing that he asked Mary Macdonald out on a date this morning.
They all turn to stare at him, shocked.
"What?" He asks cluelessly.
"Where is your loyalty at?" Evan tuts, hitting Barty upside the head. "She's friends with Tonks and Pettigrew and that lot. Does this mean you're going to start hanging around with the Gryffindors now?"
"What? No!" Barty frowns, rubbing the back of his head where Evan hit it. "Merlin. I can go out with whoever I want. Besides, she is one of Alice's friends and we like her even though she's friends with Potter."
"This is different," Evan counters.
"How?"
"You're not dating her for starters," Evan shrieks. "Also, what happened to Alison Harbour? I thought you were fraternising with her?"
"Fraternising, what does that even mean?" Barty splutters. "That was over a week ago, Evan. It was just fun."
"Fun," Evan huffs and turns to look away.
"Evan," Pandora says sternly. She looks at her brother with wide eyes and shakes her head. "Barty is allowed to date whomever he pleases."
"I know that," Evan grumbles at the same time Barty says, "Thank you!"
"Why Mary Macdonald?" Scarlett questions much to Regulus' surprise. She always makes it a point to not care about Barty's escapades all across the castle. Thankfully, none of them have caught him snogging any girls in a broom-closet yet, but Regulus is sure it's only a matter of time.
"She's hot," Barty shrugs, making Scarlett and Dorcas scowl and Regulus wrinkle his nose. "She's also funny, I'll have you know. Feisty, too," Barty smirks.
Scarlett rolls her eyes, looking annoyed.
"Can we stop talking about Mary Macdonald now?" Pandora asks the group. She smiles up at Hagrid. "How is that group of thestrals you've been caring for in the forest, Hagrid?"
"Oh, they're doin' alright. One of 'em got attacked by a quintaped not too long ago, but I used some essence of dittany to 'elp heal 'em all up."
They stay at Hagrid's until dinnertime and by then it's already growing dark, so Hagrid escorts them back to the castle. At dinner, they sit far away from the Carrows and their lot, while Holly and her group of friends sit closer to Evan than they usually would. Regulus notices the uncomfortable expression on Evan's face when Holly smiles at him, looking at him like he is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
Once dinner is over, Regulus decides he'll spend the rest of the night in the common room finishing his Transfiguration essay that is due on Wednesday. The rest of his friends head up to the dormitory and Regulus promises to be up soon. However, his plan is ruined when a shadow falls over his half-written essay. Regulus frowns and looks up to see who is bothering him. He is stunned to find Rabastan standing above him.
"Hey, Regulus," he smiles and Regulus offers one, slightly confused, back. "Could I borrow you for a minute?"
"Uh," Regulus blinks. "Yeah, sure."
"Great," Rabastan gestures for him to follow him, so Regulus scrambles to get out of his chair. He follows Rabastan to the couches where his friends Antonin Dolohov and Torquil Travers are sitting. Rabastan sits to the side of his friends and pats the empty space beside him, which Regulus takes as a signal to sit down. "Torq just wanted to thank you for sticking up for Holly earlier."
"That little Carrow bitch has been basically stalking her around the castle since we got back," Travers grumbles. He smiles sharply at Regulus. "It's nice to know she's got people looking out for her when I'm not around. You're a good sort."
"Thank you," Regulus murmurs, not quite sure what else he should say. He clears his throat and adds, "Alecto is a pain, right along with her brother. Someone was bound to say something eventually. Evan- uh, Evan Rosier, my friend, he should get the real credit."
"Hm," Torquil hums. "Not sure about that one. Seems nice enough, but he's a bit of a wimp isn't he?"
"No, mate, you should have seen him earlier," Dolohov sniggers. "He accused the Carrow twits of messing around with each other, it was hilarious. Wouldn't be the first time in their family, would it?"
"Anyway," Rabastan interrupts his two friends, who fall silent at the sound of his voice. "I just wanted to let you know that you can sit with us whenever you want. Bring your friends, too, they all seem cool."
"Okay," Regulus says, again not knowing what else to say.
"Relax a bit too, yeah?" Dolohov laughs, reaching out to pat Regulus on the shoulder. It's an effort not to flinch at the contact. "You Blacks. Always so tense. Didn't realise we were so scary."
"You're not," Regulus replies, lifting his chin. "I appreciate the offer, but right now I need to get back to my essay. See you around."
"See you around, Black," Rabastan calls after him, whilst his idiot friends yell out obscene goodbyes that embarrass Regulus as eyes all around the common room start to settle on him.
Saturday - 21st September, 1974
When the morning post arrives, dozens of black-banded owls swoops down among them, landing at random places around the hall. One lands in front of Regulus, as well as Barty, Scarlett and Pandora, who all stare at each other confused. Pandora is the first of them to reach forward and untie the letter that is attached to her bird's leg; the envelope is navy green with a stamped circle of silver wax sealing it, along with a black ribbon that wraps around the paper as a decoration.
Regulus collects his from the owl standing beside his breakfast plate and watches it fly away before he can even offer it food. He rips open the envelope at the same time Pandora, Scarlett and Barty do. It's an invitation to Slughorn's Halloween Slug Club party, which will commence on the nineteenth of October, just less than a month away.
"It's so nice to be invited to things like this, isn't it?" Evan asks Dorcas sarcastically once he's finished reading Regulus' invitation over his shoulder.
"So considerate of Slughorn to think of us," Dorcas presses a hand to her chest like she's touched. "It's nice to know he cares."
"It says we can bring a date," Barty says, raising his eyebrows and looking at Evan.
"Oh, sure. I bet you'll be bringing Macdonald then," Evan huffs, digging vigorously with his fork at the food on his plate.
"Actually, I was going to ask you, but if you're going to be all petty about it, I won't bother. Maybe your sister will invite you," Barty retorts. He's been like this all week, snapping whenever Evan makes a snarky comment about Barty asking out Mary Macdonald. Their date is today, so Evan has been even worse this morning than he usually is. Regulus doesn't understand what his problem is in the first place.
"I was going to ask you anyway," Pandora grins at her brother from across the table. Evan tries to give her a smile, but anyone with eyes can see that he's still upset about something.
"Great, so now I'm the only one not going," Dorcas grumbles.
"Be my date," Scarlett shrugs.
"Are you sure Regulus will be okay with that?" Dorcas snorts when Scarlett rolls her eyes.
"No, I'm not okay with it," Regulus says plainly. "I want you to be my date, so I don't show up alone whilst the rest of you all show up together."
"Oh, yes, fight over me," Dorcas grins, leaning back in her chair with an air of smugness about her.
"Obviously, she won't actually be my date," Scarlett huffs. "We're all going together as friends, so it doesn't really matter which one of us invites Dorcas to come with us."
"Did you just get friend-zoned by your fiancé, Reggie?" Barty croons, reaching out to poke Regulus' cheek.
Regulus narrows his eyes at him. "At least I have a fiancé."
"And I have a date," Barty responds smugly, getting up from the table. "I'm supposed to meet her now. See you fools later." He leans around Dorcas to press a kiss to Pandora's temple and whispers, "Not you, Pan."
"We should probably get going, too," Dorcas says, talking to Evan and Pandora because the three of them have plans to meet up with some of Pandora's Ravenclaw friends for the trip to Hogsmeade. "Bye, lovebirds."
Regulus watches as their friends walk away and then, when they're out of the hall, turns to Scarlett. "Are we ever going to tell them it's all fake?"
"You can tell them any time you like," Scarlett shrugs. "I trust them enough now."
"Really?" Regulus, rather ridiculously, feels as if a weight has been lifted off his chest.
"Of course," Scarlett smiles. "That and I've had enough of the 'lovebird' jokes."
"Fair enough," Regulus chuckles. He rests his hand on top of hers and smiles. "Well, it was alright having a fake girlfriend in front of my friends for... what, a year?"
"Yes. Well, the same goes for you. As my first boyfriend and my- uh, my only boyfriend, you were pleasant enough. I could have gotten stuck with Barty," Scarlett grimaces and Regulus chucks his head back in laughter.
The two of them spend the day in the library, alternating between completing their homework and further going through the birth and marriage records of the British Wizarding World. After months, they still haven't found anything. Not a trace of any Andromeda Black.
"Maybe she just fled the country, changed her name, and- and- Maybe she's dead," Regulus suggests, feeling stroppy as he pushes himself away from the table and crosses his arms like a child having a tantrum. Scarlett raises her eyebrow at him.
"We've still got the last three years to look through," she says, but even her voice sounds hopeless. "We could always-"
"What? What could we do?" Regulus groans.
"We could ask a professor if they remember her," Scarlett suggests. Regulus frowns and turns to look at her because that... is actually a very good idea. They stare at each other for a moment before both jumping into action, sending books back to shelves and packing away their quills and parchment into their bags.
As they exit the library, swiftly making their way down the corridors, Regulus asks Scarlett which professor they should go to. Scarlett stops and Regulus halts at the same time she does, watching as her face crinkles in that way it does when she's analysing something.
"I would suggest Slughorn because it's likely that Andromeda was in Slytherin, considering your family. Plus, he's been here for decades. However," Scarlett bites down on her lip, "I've a feeling he won't tell us what we need to know. Slughorn has a thing about students that made it far, right? This Andromeda - she was shunned from your family, disappeared completely. I doubt Slughorn will be very eager to talk about her, especially if she was a Slytherin."
"Which professor do you think would be our best bet then?" Regulus asks, feeling hopeless again.
"McGonagall probably. She will give us the most straightforward answer without any nonsense."
"Excellent, let's go," Regulus starts walking, only to be pulled back by the waistband of his trousers. He yelps and hits Scarlett's hand away.
"What, are you just going to go into McGonagall's office and randomly ask her about this family member of yours that no one mentioned for the first eleven years of your life?" She stares at him like he's stupid.
"I'm sensing you want me to say no," Regulus utters.
Sighing, Scarlett pulls him into an alcove. "You aren't supposed to know she exists, remember? McGonagall could- I mean, she might mention it to your parents that you've been asking around about Andromeda. That could be bad for you."
"I could just suggest she not tell my mother," Regulus shrugs.
"Still, it's better to be safe than sorry," Scarlett says, pacing a bit in the small space. "You could go to her and say you're researching members in your family that went to Hogwarts during the fifties to get a collection of their achievements. She won't be suspicious, she will just think you're a bit obsessed with your family."
"Great," Regulus mutters sarcastically. "Okay, so on the tree it said she was born in 1941, which means she either went to Hogwarts from 1952 to 1959 or from 1953 to 1960. Narcissa went to Hogwarts in 1957 and Bellatrix was there from 1954. I'll tell McGonagall I'm investigating the members that attended during the year 1953 because... because..."
"See, you'll need a reason to believe there was a member of the Black family that attended Hogwarts that year. Maybe there's an award in the trophy room or something."
"We could go and look."
"Or maybe a ghost would know. I bet Peeves would, but he wouldn't tell us even if we bribed him," Scarlett mutters to herself. An idea sparks to life in Regulus' mind. He's visited Myrtle once since he's been back - it was last week when he was on his way to the tower. She had been very happy to see him back. He could try and ask her if she knew Andromeda Black.
"I might know a ghost," Regulus says, drawing Scarlett away from her mumbling. "How about you go and search the trophy room and I'll see if I can find this ghost? We'll meet back in the common room just before dinner no matter what."
"Alright," Scarlett nods before slipping out of the alcove.
Regulus is quick to make his way up to the abandoned girls' bathroom on the second floor that Myrtle inhabits most of the time. He only has just over an hour between Scarlett leaving him and having to meet her again in the dungeons, so he needs to be fast about this.
Myrtle is thrilled to see him again and even glides around him a bunch of times out of excitement, which hurts his eyes a bit, but he doesn't mention it, not wanting to upset her when he needs her. That sounds horrible. He doesn't want to upset her at all, she's become a friend of his.
"Myrtle, could I ask you a very important question?"
"Anything, Regulus, anything," Myrtle promises, settling down and floating in front of him with a wide grin on her face.
"In 1953, was there a student that attended Hogwarts by the name of Andromeda Black? She would have been in Slytherin, most likely. Either in her first or second year."
"I was very in and out of the castle in the fifties, Regulus. I spent a lot of time back then getting back at Olive Hornby for being such a little-"
"Yes, what a toerag," Regulus agrees with her, nodding distractedly. "But do you remember Andromeda ?"
"I might remember her from the later years. She had two sisters, right?" Myrtle inquires, face contorted as she stretches her mind to really think. Regulus nods adamantly. "Oh! Then, yes, I remember her! A bit of a wallflower, that one. No one expected a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff to get along back then, but alas her best friend was a Hufflepuff boy. He was a funny one."
"Do you remember his name?" Regulus presses, feeling eager, like he is actually on the precipice of finding Andromeda after all these years.
"Something like Theo or Ted, I think," Myrtle shrugs. "Yes Ted, that was it. Those two were very close. The Fat Friar always suspected they secretly fancied each other, but the Baron always shut that train of thought down immediately because this Hufflepuff was a Muggleborn." Myrtle huffs, clearly offended by this piece of information because she, too, was a Muggleborn when she was alive.
"She married a Muggleborn," Regulus whispers to himself, eyes widening. That is the worst thing you can do in his family - they would actually rather result to incest than 'sully their blood with such filth'. "Do you, by any chance, remember his last name?"
"No, sorry," Myrtle sighs like it upsets her as much as it does him. "You could always look at the Hufflepuff students that attended the school in the fifties. If it helps, they were in the same year."
"Yeah, thank you, Myrtle," Regulus smiles at her, still feeling a bit disappointed. He didn't find very much, but he did find something. That, if anything, is what keeps him optimistic. "I should probably head to dinner now. I'll come visit again soon, I promise."
"Oh, okay," Myrtle deflates, but sends him a small smile anyway. "See you, Regulus."
Regulus rushes back down to the dungeons, basically tripping over his own feet on the stairs. Scarlett is already waiting for him on one of the couches. She looks a bit ruffled, like she's just been flying. He knows that can't be true because she hates flying.
"Did you find anything?" She asks without so much as a hello.
"Just that she was best friends with a Hufflepuff boy called Ted, who I'm pretty sure is the person she married. He was a Muggleborn," Regulus explains, feeling winded. He sits down gracelessly beside Scarlett, catching his breath.
"Scandalous," Scarlett gasps sardonically. "We could always look at the Hufflepuff records. Then, if we find a Ted, we can research his wife."
"Let's do it another day," Regulus says, feeling worn out from all the running around the castle he's done today. "I'm starved, let's go to dinner."
Later that night, when Regulus gets to the tower, James is already there waiting for him, wearing a thick jumper over his pyjamas, as well as some shoes. Regulus is still in his slipper-socks. He never bothers to wear shoes when coming to the tower, it isn't like he's going outside. Or, he usually isn't anyway.
"James, what are you doing?" Regulus interrogates him as James starts to push him back towards the door, intent keen in his eyes.
"We're going to Hogsmeade," James says simply.
"I haven't got any shoes on!" Regulus complains.
"Just transfigure your slipper things into a pair then," James responds and then points his wand at Regulus' feet to do it for him. They turn into a pair of black, leather boots that don't match Regulus' pyjamas, or his usual style, at all. He looks at James, unimpressed.
"What? You look adorable," James giggles. He giggles. "I thought it would be nice to change it up a bit, you know?"
"Fine," Regulus relents, already knowing he would and just wanting to get on with it. "However, I refuse to let you lift me through the floor again."
"Alright, I'll give you a leg-up then."
"Good."
"Good."
They walk through the silent castle, careful not to bump into Filch or his stupid cat. When they reach the tunnel, James whispers the spell, and soon they are on their way to Honeydukes. They arrive sooner than Regulus expects; his memory tells him it took longer last time, but maybe that's because he had no idea what was waiting for him on the other end of this tunnel the first time James took him here.
James does give him a leg-up and then he hops up through the floor and just... uses his arms to pull himself up onto the ground beside Regulus, who watches him and just stares. It's a bit unfair how strong James is. They both play Quidditch, why can't Regulus be as strong as James is?
Once they are out on the streets of Hogsmeade, James pulls something out of his pocket that has Regulus gaping at him. Regulus shouldn't be surprised because of course James would have one of those. Of course, James Potter has an invisibility cloak. It's authentic, too. Regulus can tell simply from the texture of the material and the way it shimmers when it moves.
"Where- how-"
"I've rendered you speechless," James smirks. "It's a family heirloom. I'm afraid I am going to have to swear you to secrecy."
"You have an invisibility cloak ?!" Regulus exclaims like an idiot.
James laughs at him, just stands there in the cold and laughs. It is then that Regulus realises how chilly he is. He's only in his pyjamas, as well as these moronic boots that James transfigured for him. James seems to take notice of this and pulls out something else tucked in his pockets. What, does he have pockets that are bigger on the inside or something?
Regulus only realises what it is when James holds it out to him. It's a jumper, one just as soft-looking as the one James is wearing. James is holding the part where Regulus' head should go through open, ready and waiting for him. Regulus blinks at him.
"Oh, come on. It'll warm you up quickly, I promise."
Regulus contemplates it for another minute and then a shiver rips through him and James just tuts, taking it upon himself to dress Regulus up in the jumper. Regulus' head pops out the other side, he can feel how static his hair has become and just knows it must look ridiculous. He's self-conscious about that, for some reason. It's only James. James who wouldn't care if Regulus had bird shit in his hair, let alone if it's a bit static.
Still, he can't help but flatten it down with one of his hands as James takes a hold of his other one and shoves it through one of the sleeves. Soon enough, Regulus is dressed weather-appropriately, according to James anyway. James flourishes his invisibility cloak and tosses it over the both of them. Regulus remains quiet whilst they adjust to make sure it covers their feet. James is so tall now that the cloak only just falls past his ankles.
Shuffling, James grabs Regulus' hips, whispering a quick, "Sorry," likely from the touch, because he knows how much Regulus hates it. What he doesn't know is that Regulus doesn't mind it when it's him. He uses his grip on Regulus' hips to move him until he is standing right in front of him, then he moves his hands a bit higher, until they are resting on the sides of Regulus' torso.
"Lead the way, Reg," he whispers right in Regulus' ear. Regulus shudders and blames it on the cold, even though the jumper James gave him does have sleeves that fall past his fingertips and makes him warmer.
Regulus takes a careful step forward and, together, they make their way to the hill they went to last time. Only when they arrive does James remove the cloak, as well as his hands. Regulus has to sit down then to catch his breath. He doesn't know why he feels so breathless, it isn't like they ran here.
James plops down on the grass beside him not long after. Immediately, James leans back on his elbows to get a better view of the sky. It is then that Regulus realises how much he appreciates this friendship. The stars have always reminded Regulus a little bit of his family, even when he's been admiring them, it's always there- that reminder, in the back of his mind. Now, whenever he looks at the stars, his mind jumps straight to James. It's a relief as much as it is a curse because Regulus finds himself thinking about James far too much when he is trying to live his life day-to-day.
Even when he isn't there, James manages to find a way to bother him into giving him attention. Regulus is so, so fond of him.
He wonders if, in another life, they are friends like this. It took a lot of trial and error to get where they are. Maybe another version of themselves found it easier to get to this stage, and maybe some other version of them never made it here. It breaks his heart a little bit; he can't even begin to imagine what life would be like without having James Potter chasing him, protecting him.
"Do you think we're friends in other universes?" Regulus whispers into the night. It's cold enough now that he can see his breath cloud in the air before him. He watches as it dissipates after a moment.
"Other universes?" James turns to look at him curiously and cocks his head. "You mean... there are more than one?"
"Of course there is," Regulus replies passionately. "I refuse to believe that this is the only version of our lives."
"Well, in that case, yes. Definitely. I will always find you, Reg. You can't get rid of me," James grins, his head still tilted to the side as he gazes up at Regulus with those big, golden-brown eyes of his.
Regulus looks down at where his hands are rested in his lap and tries to tamper down the smile that is threatening to overtake his face completely. Finding it impossible to do so, he aims it down at James, whose eyes fill with adoration at the sight of it. He looks angelic like this, cheeks and nose tinted pink from the cold and bundled up so perfectly in a comfy jumper. His hair is ruffled from the wind and the curls that hand around his ears flutter every time there's a breeze.
It's the first time Regulus ever gets the urge to kiss him, not that he understands the feeling yet. For now, he just recognises the want to touch, so he does. He reaches out and brushes a bundle of curls from James' forehead with a tenderness Regulus has never dedicated to anything else before. James keeps watching him the entire time, not bothering to diminish the power behind his gaze.
I love you, he thinks, and it's a thought that hurts. Regulus doesn't really say it to people. He's said it to his friends every now and then, maybe once a year if that. He's never said it to his mother, has only said it to his father a handful of times. Narcissa is probably the person that has heard it the most from him. To Regulus, it feels like a commitment. Like he's allowing someone to settle in his life and stay there. The thing is, Regulus doesn't trust many people, and the ones he does trust he doesn't completely. Not even his friends or his father, not even Narcissa. James is... he's a special case. Regulus can't completely trust that he will always be here, but he can trust that whatever he feels towards James is permanent. Even when he was ignoring him, Regulus couldn't help but be fond. James could hurt him, break him beyond repair, and Regulus would still care about him so much.
I love you, he thinks, and he knows he won't be able to say it out loud. Perhaps, ever.
***
Sunday - 22nd September, 1974
Sirius
James leaves the Gryffindor table with Lily to go to their weekly Potions club around the same time that Peter goes off with Benji. Alice, Frank and Azalia are at some chess tournament thing that they have been anticipating for the entire month, which just leaves Sirius, Marlene, Mary and Remus.
"Any news on the boy yet?" Sirius turns to Mary as he finishes his final mouthful of his breakfast. He takes a swig from his goblet and listens as it clinks against Remus' when he puts it back down.
"No," Mary frowns. Sirius can tell she isn't particularly happy about her lack of results. She has been trying hard for weeks to figure out if this guy is interested in blokes, but has told Sirius she will only result to outright asking him if she doesn't know already by the time the weekend is over. It's a risky thing to do on the off chance that this guy turns out to be a huge homophobe. Sirius trusts Mary's judgement- Actually, he might have to rethink that statement. Mary is now, officially, dating Barty Crouch. It's a bit disturbing to watch the two of them interact in that sweet way couples do because it's Barty Crouch.
Sirius doesn't like him very much.
He's... fine. Better than Amycus Carrow and Snape, that's for sure. Definitely better than Regulus Black, though not by much considering he is one of Regulus' best friends.
Obviously, Sirius hasn't told Mary any of this because she seems genuinely happy and that's all Sirius wants for her. He just wishes she would find her happiness away from the snake pit.
"I'm supposed to be meeting them in one of the abandoned classrooms soon, actually, so I'll meet up with you later and let you know how it goes," Mary says as she starts to spoon the last of her porridge into her mouth.
"Why are you meeting a bunch of boys in a random classroom?" Marlene asks, sounding amused as she raises an eyebrow.
Mary smirks. "The professors don't bother to check 'em, so we don't get caught."
"Get caught doing what?" Remus questions, but Mary just winks and starts walking towards the exit. Remus turns to look across the table at Marlene and Sirius. "Caught doing what?" He repeats.
"One of her friends from the year above - Taylor something - has got her into some Muggle drug," Marlene explains.
"What Muggle drug?" Sirius asks.
"No idea. Some type of plant. I'm just praying to Merlin that she won't show Crouch. The last thing any of the people in this school need is that boy on drugs."
"Oh, yeah, that would be..." Remus starts.
"A disaster," Sirius finishes with a grim expression.
"Exactly. Hence the praying," Marlene snickers.
"I'm going to go and take a nap," Remus says as he climbs out of his seat and packs away the book he had sitting out beside his plate.
"Are you alright, Moony?" Sirius stares up at him, concerned.
"Yeah, m'fine," Remus brushes him off with a simple wave of his hand. He smiles. "Just got a terror of a migraine."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"No, don't worry. I don't feel seizure-y," Remus promises, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "I'll see you at lunch. Are we still meeting up in the kitchens?"
"Yeah, James said he'll meet us by the painting."
"Cool. See you guys," Remus waves as he departs from the hall.
Sirius turns to Marlene and asks if she would like to take a walk with him down to the lake, which is his way of saying he would like to go out and sit by the lake because he's feeling homesick. It's coming up to a month away from home now, and Sirius misses his little sister. He misses his parents, too. Today is one of the better days where he doesn't feel like hiding himself away in some secluded alcove in the castle where almost no one can find him. It's a good day today.
They make their way swiftly down to the lake and settle down under the oak tree that sits on the edge of the grounds. Sirius lies down on the grass, whilst Marlene leans up against the tree, stretching her arms above her like a cat. She glances down at him with a curious expression, so he tilts his head in question.
"This whole date business..." Marlene begins and Sirius rolls over onto his stomach so he can get a better view of her. He holds his head in his hands and watches as Marlene thinks about how she is going to phrase her next sentence. "Does this mean that you're over your crush?"
"Oh, um," Sirius grimaces. He'd almost forgotten that he admitted to Marlene that he has a crush. Luckily, he hadn't told her who. One person knowing his humiliating secret is enough, thank you very much. "Not really. Actually, Mary is trying to help me get over my crush by finding me a boyfriend."
"Wait, so Mary knows?" Marlene's eyebrow quirks up.
"She figured it out herself," Sirius nods.
"Of course, she did." Marlene shakes her head. "Does she know who they are?"
"...Yes," Sirius admits, watching as Marlene opens her mouth as if to say something, but he beats her to it. "I really didn't want anyone to know because it's... embarrassing, honestly. I mean, I can't like this person. It's just- it's not- Mary guessed on her own and I'm terrible at lying, so I had to tell her she was right. Please, don't make me tell you who it is. I'd rather just get over them as soon as possible."
Marlene stares at him and Sirius can tell she wants to ask him anyway. He wonders if she already has a hunch about who it is. Mary figured it out and she is not as close to Sirius as Marlene is, so it would make sense. Thankfully, Marlene is a person who understands and respects other people's boundaries, so she doesn't ask. Instead, she changes the topic and tells Sirius that Bobby proposed to Sybill a couple of days ago on their three-year anniversary.
"I better be invited to this wedding, McKinnon," Sirius points a finger at her. "Even if you have to sneak me on the guestlist. I have been invested in this relationship since the beginning."
"Don't worry, Bobby already knows you're a part of the family now," Marlene assures him, lightly slapping his finger away. He grabs her hand, pulls her closer, and tickles her, causing a shriek to expel itself from her mouth. She kicks at him until he stops, leaving them both breathless. Marlene settles on the floor beside him and they both turn over to look at the sky bleeding through the yellowing leaves above them.
"How are you doing? Still crushing on this person you don't like?"
Marlene groans and covers her face with her hands. Her voice sounds muffled when she speaks. "It won't go away and I can't- I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it, Sirius. I can't tell anyone who it is because it's that terrible. But a part of me wants to tell someone so they can help convince my stupid brain why it's so terrible, you know?"
"You can tell me if you'd like to," Sirius suggests softly. "You don't have to, but if it's what you want to do, then I won't react. Unless it's Alecto Carrow, then I will judge the crush out of you."
Marlene gags. "Alecto? Really ? How little do you think of me, Sirius?"
"Well," Sirius defends himself, "You're acting as if you have a crush on the worst person on the planet."
"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Marlene mutters, ripping a piece of grass from the floor and picking it apart.
"Okay. We can just lay here," Sirius says, smiling gently at her. Marlene returns it.
When they return to the castle for lunch, Sirius and Marlene part ways. Marlene has plans to meet up with Azalia for lunch and Sirius is supposed to be meeting the boys outside the kitchens.
During his journey through the dungeons, Sirius gets the odd sense he is being followed. It's weird, he thinks, how humans have a sort of sixth sense for these types of things. The hairs on the back of his neck prick up and his skin tingles with goose bumps, whilst his brain sends off the message that someone is watching him. He glances over his shoulder, but finds no one, so he carries on.
Another minute or two later, Sirius turns a corner sharply and waits there. It doesn't take even thirty seconds before someone comes crashing directly into him. They almost fall backwards at the impact before Sirius, instinctively, reaches out to catch them, only noticing then that it's Violetta. Confused, he stares down at her and notices how her eyes are puffy and there's a faint smear of mascara smudged across the waterline of one of her eyes. Her hair has been done up in two plaits, but one of them looks dishevelled, like someone tugged on it. What is most surprising about her is that she is wearing Muggle clothes. She is a Pureblood, and a Slytherin one at that. They don't usually tend to wear Muggle clothes.
"Violetta," Sirius says. Then, blinking himself out of his surprise, he gently squeezes her arms where his hands are still resting upon them. "Are you alright?"
She doesn't answer him straight away. Sirius watches as she clenches her jaw and immediately recognises it as her way of trying to stop herself from crying. With a sharp sniff, she looks up at him and whispers, "Can I have lunch with you?"
"Um," Sirius bites his lip and turns to stare at the corridor in the distance that is connected to the kitchens. He wonders if Remus and Peter are already there with James. "Sure you can," Sirius agrees with a smile. "So long as you don't mind my friends. We're having lunch in the kitchens today, so it'll just be us five."
"Alright," Violetta replies quietly.
Sirius lets go of her arms and moves to stand beside her as they head down the corridor. He looks at her and contemplates what would be best to say. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"No... I-" She cuts herself off and turns to stare at the ground. Her bottom lip trembles and it's clear she is trying to stop it, but she obviously can't. Clearing her throat, "I'm not friends with Shania anymore."
"What? Why not?" Sirius asks, admittedly startled by this confession. As much as Sirius loathes it when Shania and Violetta are together - because they talk shit about everyone for no reason - he doesn't want Violetta to lose her best friend. They aren't the greatest people in the world, but they clearly mean a lot to each other.
"Amycus," Violetta scowls, anger briefly replacing her sadness. "He saw my outfit and commanded me to change. Who does he think he is ordering me about? You should see half of the things he wears, absolutely detestable to say the least. Then, he pulled my hair in front of all our friends. Surprisingly, Mulciber told him to leave me alone, but when I looked over at Shania... she was just looking at me with this mean expression like she was enjoying watching Amycus pull me about. What sort of friend does that? I helped her feel better when she went out with Wilkes for a week in third year and he got really angry with her a lot. Shouldn't she do the same for me?" Her voice breaks on the last word, so she stops talking.
Sirius frowns, not really knowing what to say. Violetta clearly has very shit friends, but he is sure she's already gathered that. Clearly, her so-called 'friends' don't care about her at all, except for maybe Mulciber, which is honestly a massive fucking shock to Sirius. He didn't realise the boy had a heart.
"I have to marry him," she croaks like it's only just hitting her. "My father is adamant on it, but I hate him so much. I don't want to marry him. He's the most abhorrent person in the castle- in Britain."
"I'm sorry," Sirius tells her with every ounce of sincerity his body possesses. "You don't deserve to be treated like that. As I said, you're welcome to sit with my friends and I whenever you want."
"Won't they hate me?"
"No," Sirius smiles. "They are very understanding people."
They turn another corner and spot Peter, Remus and James standing a few meters away from them. Violetta looks unsure for a moment, slowing down her footsteps. Sirius braces a hand on her shoulder and tells her to look at him. She does.
"I promise you, they'll be lovely. If you're worried they won't be, sit with James. He's nice to everyone," Sirius chuckles and Violetta cracks a small smile.
As they approach, the boys notice them. Remus watches the both of them with a confused expression, whilst Peter looks wary and James grins at the two of them.
"Hello," James offers a friendly wave to Violetta. "You're Violetta, right? I think we have Herbology together."
"Violetta is going to join us for lunch," Sirius announces, giving each boy a stern look as if daring them to say something about it, even though he knows they likely won't. If anyone does, it will be Peter, but not because he is being mean. He's just a bit blunt sometimes.
"Sounds good. Now, come on, I'm starving," Remus mutters, swivelling on the spot to tickle the pear on the painting of the fruit bowl that guards the door to the kitchens. Violetta stares, clearly puzzled by this view. Sirius is then reminded of Violetta's fascination with Remus and feels a stab of dislike strike him. He tries to swallow it down because it isn't Violetta's fault that she likes a boy. Plus, who can blame her? Remus is beautiful.
They sit at a table in the corner of the kitchens and are instantly surrounded by a crowd of house-elves eager to take their orders. Once they have sorted out what they will be eating, the table falls silent. Sirius hates awkward silences, so he attempts to kill it by asking James what he did in Potions club today, which has James falling into a rant about how he and Black - because he is still his partner for some reason - created a potion that makes someone's fingernails grow at an incredibly fast pace in a short amount of time.
When James comes to the end of his explanation, he turns to Violetta. "So, you're a friend of Sirius'?"
"In a way," Violetta replies, glancing at Sirius and shrugging. Sirius nods. "Yeah, he's my friend. My only friend at the moment, actually."
"Oh," James mumbles.
"I thought you were best friends with Shania," Peter utters in a way so obliviously blunt, it has Sirius almost face-palming.
"Yes, well, not all friendships last. Especially not when one of them is an evil bitch," Violetta grumbles.
"Violetta will be sitting with us often from now on," Sirius explains to each of his friends, who don't protest. "Let the girls know that they are to be nice to her because she's not too bad for a Slytherin."
Violetta huffs. "Yes, well, you aren't too bad for a Gryffindor, Tonks."
Wednesday - 25th September, 1974
Sirius, Peter and Frank meet Alice, Marlene and Mary in the common room at quarter-to-ten and together they make their way to the Astronomy tower. They are supposed to be meeting Violetta there, as she shares this class with them. However, when they arrive, Sirius notices she's been taken aside by Mulciber. His first instinct is to step in, to get him away from her, but after a closer look Sirius realises Violetta doesn't actually look uncomfortable. She's nodding reassuringly and even reaches out to gently touch Mulciber's arm at one point. Then there's Mulciber who, for once, does not look menacing. Much to Sirius' utter shock, and slight horror, Mulciber is gazing down at Violetta with a soft expression.
When she spots Sirius out of the corner of her eye, she smiles at him and holds up a finger as if to say she'll only be a minute. Mulciber glances over his shoulder, his eyes narrowing as they land on Sirius and his friends.
It isn't long before Violetta is hurrying over to them. Sirius jumps to check she is okay, finding himself strangely protective over her. Maybe it's because she trusted him enough to tell him what was going on in her life, as well as to actually come to him when she felt she needed to. Maybe it's because she's lost her best friend and he can't even imagine what that is like, so he feels bad for her. Whatever it is, it's weird.
"I'm fine, Sirius," Violetta rolls her eyes. "Nick was just checking I was alright after, well, earlier. I told him I'm not sitting with any of them anymore and he..."
"He what?"
"I don't know, he seemed a bit upset, but I think he understood."
"Wait. Who's Nick?" Peter asks from beside Sirius.
"Nicholas," Violetta says. When Peter just blinks at her without a hint of recognition on his face, she scowls. "Nicholas Mulciber."
"Oh!" Peter smiles. It quickly turns into a grimace. "Oh."
"He isn't terrible you know," Violetta defends, crossing her arms.
"Not terrible, she says," Peter raises his hands in a mocking way. "He tripped Benji on the stairs a couple of weeks ago and he had to spend the day in the infirmary."
"Alright, fine. He's not as terrible as the rest of them then," Violetta compromises. Peter doesn't argue with her, but he doesn't look too happy about it either. He leaves them to go and find Benji, who is standing with Xeno and a few Hufflepuff students by the door, which opens revealing their Astronomy professor. She kindly grants them entry, asking them all how their evenings are going and getting a few yawns in response.
Sirius takes the seat beside Mary and Marlene and gestures to the empty seat next to his. Violetta drops herself onto it with a grateful smile, like she is just glad she won't have to spend the lesson alone. Alice and Frank settle down on Marlene's other side, whilst Peter sits with Benji across the room. Sirius can tell Peter isn't too fond of Violetta; he clearly doesn't trust her, but that is just something he will have to adjust to. Sirius isn't going to leave Violetta on her own simply because Peter doesn't like her very much. Other than spreading a few untrue rumours about particular people, Violetta has never done anything to harm any of them in the past. She'd even defended Remus once to Snape in Potions when he started complaining about Remus' scars, though that might have been because she had, and still has got, a crush on him.
Mars is supposed to be visible tonight, according to Professor Sinistra, who hands out a worksheet for them to complete. Sirius shares a telescope with Violetta, whilst Marlene and Mary occupy the telescope beside theirs, so they do the work together. Violetta is a proficient astronomer, probably because she is a Pureblood and Sirius heard once from Frank that a lot of Pureblood families educate their children early-on in the subject.
About halfway through the lesson, Mary steals his attention by tapping him on the shoulder. Sirius turns the telescope towards Violetta - who starts repositioning it so that it's facing Mars and changing the lens - before turning to Mary.
"I got you that date," she announces with a devious grin.
"Really?" Sirius asks, shocked. A rather large part of him thought Mary's attempts would be fruitless or that the guy wouldn't admit to being gay.
"Yeah, he agreed this morning. The funny thing is, he told me he's had his eye on you for a while but wasn't sure if you were gay, which is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard by the way," Mary snorts and Sirius rolls his eyes fondly. "So he never approached you about it. Would you like to know who he is?"
"Yes! Wait, will I recognise him at all? Also, how did I not notice him before?"
"He's pretty good at subtlety, probably because not everyone is as nice about gay relationships as some are. You'll probably know who he is because he's been beside me in the corridor a few times when we've walked past you," Mary explains, scooting her seat closer to Sirius'. "Alright, so, his name is Jesse Bell, but he prefers Jess. His brother is Anthony Bell from a couple of years above us - you might know him because he was a Prefect at the beginning of last year before he got the position revoked."
"You're joking," Sirius says monotonously.
"What?"
"You got me a date with Jess Bell? Of course, I know who he bloody is! He's- he's one of the fittest guys in school. Are you joking? You must be."
"No, I'm being as serious as your name," Mary smirks, raising her eyebrows.
"I owe you, Macdonald. I really, really owe you," Sirius squeals, hopping out of his seat to basically throw himself into Mary's lap and squeezing her into the tightest hug he is capable of.
"Okay, I know you love me, but that is no reason to break my ribs," Mary wheezes, tapping Sirius gently on the arm. He lets go of her and grabs her face between his hands instead, promptly pressing a kiss to every part of her face that he can reach. She chuckles and swats him away until he returns to his seat.
"Are all you Gryffindors prone to such dramatic displays of affection such as that? If so, spare me the embarrassment next time and let me leave before you do that again," Violetta remarks with a look of disgust on her face, before promptly sliding the telescope over to Sirius.
"I'm afraid you'll have to learn to get used to it," Sirius nods solemnly. "Us Gryffindors cannot contain our love for each other."
"I thought Macdonald was with Crouch now?"
"She is," Sirius replies. "Besides, I'm as much a taken man as Crouch is at this point. Didn't you hear? I have a date with Jesse Bell."
"I think Macdonald was playing a prank on you. Jesse Bell is a boy," Violetta says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world and something Sirius didn't already know.
"And what's so wrong about that?" Sirius challenges, raising an eyebrow.
Violetta stares at him, her face expressionless for a long moment, until she blinks and slowly turns to look down at her worksheet. "Nothing," she shakes her head. "Date all the boys you want. At least one of us should be able to do it if they can."
Sirius looks at her and notices the way her shoulders slump and he just knows she is thinking about her betrothment to Amycus.
They don't speak much more during the lesson, Violetta remains silent in a way that feels loud. Sirius can tell she doesn't feel like talking, so he doesn't push her. Mary leans over to tell him a few things about Jess every now and then, which makes him more excited. Okay, so he is still hung up on Remus, but maybe, just maybe, this will be the beginning of the end of that. Sirius hopes it will be.
Saturday - 28th September, 1974
Sirius wakes up in a panic on Saturday morning, not that he would ever admit that if anyone asked. It's pretty obvious he's stressing out to those he shares a dorm with, but he tries to hide it from everyone else.
It takes him over two hours to get ready because he wants to look perfect. Today is the day of his date. The first date he has ever gone on and it's with a beautiful boy who Mary swears is actually a good person. Oh, Sirius will not forgive himself if he messes this up. Last night, he had spent almost three hours picking out an outfit and, in the end, had to ask for help from the other boys. Remus didn't seem to inclined to help, but that's probably because all he ever wears is the same damn outfit. Frank had picked the ugliest combination of Sirius' clothes that anyone could have come up with and was quickly shunned back to his bed. Peter, who has been on several dates, was best at picking how nicely Sirius should dress (not too fancy, but not his usual, casual clothes either). James was the one who suggested Sirius wear his staple leather jacket.
Now, Sirius is in the common room with Mary, who has brought down her dark-blue nail varnish (a colour Sirius doesn't have yet, but needs to invest in) and is now painting his nails. Once she finishes one hand, James starts drying each individual nail with his wand as Mary paints the other. Marlene and Azalia laugh at the way Mary and James are rushing to help Sirius finish getting ready. Lily is excitedly asking Sirius questions about the date, like where they are going and how he feels. He feels sick, to tell the truth. He doesn't say that, of course.
"It's going to be fun," Sirius nods, trying to convince himself. "It's my first date, but I'm sure those are easy."
Frank huffs a laugh, which makes Alice turn to him with a scolding expression.
"Sorry," Frank says. "First dates are exciting, but you'll likely be nervous throughout the whole thing. Just know the other person is feeling the exact same way, so you have nothing to worry about."
"Thanks, Frank. That's actually very helpful," Sirius admits with a bashful smile.
"You'll be fine," Mary assures him, finishing off his last nail. James swoops in to cast a drying spell on it, having already dried all of Sirius' other nails. "Jess is really easy to talk to and he won't judge you for being too loud or anything. He spends enough time around me, so trust me on that one."
"Where are you meeting him?" Peter grins, practically jumping on the spot.
"In the courtyard after breakfast," Sirius replies, biting his lip anxiously. He fiddles with one of the buttons on his navy-blue button down, which he has on under his leather jacket and has paired with some black jeans and a set of boots.
"Oh!" Mary gasps, making both James and Sirius jump. "Do we have time for me to curl your eyelashes?"
"I don't think so, Macdonald," Remus murmurs. He's been very silent today, not speaking up very much whilst everyone else hasn't stopped. Sirius thinks it's probably because the moon is in a few days, so he's probably not feeling very well. "Breakfast ends in half an hour and we still have to get down to the hall."
"Shit," Sirius hisses, jumping up from his seat and rushing over to the portrait. "Shit, I'm going to be late."
"You won't be late," Lily promises, coming up beside him. She gives him a once over and smiles. "You look very nice by the way."
"Don't let anyone hear you say that, Evans," Sirius smirks. "People might start to think you actually tolerate me."
"Oh, the shame," Lily jokes, making Sirius laugh. It helps to ease his nerves. "Really though, you look great, Sirius."
"Thanks, Lily," Sirius smiles kindly at her as they board the moving the staircase. James and Peter come up to his other side, both waggling their eyebrows at him like a pair of twits. Sirius shakes his head, amused by their antics.
By the time they make it to the hall, it's five to ten which leaves them almost no time to eat anything. Not that Sirius thinks he could stomach anything at the moment anyway. He downs a cupful of apple juice and eats a mint that Mary offers him with a mischievous look.
"Yeah, get that breath minty fresh," Marlene grins, taking the mint from Mary's open palm and throwing it in Sirius' mouth.
"I should probably get going," Sirius says, feeling as the butterflies in his stomach start to buzz like a colony of bees.
"I'll come with you," Mary announces, climbing out of her chair and moving to stand next to him. "I can introduce you both to each other officially before I have to meet Barty."
"Okay, fine, but no one else-" Sirius points at the rest of their friends "-can come. Stay here for five minutes and then you can go." With that, Sirius and Mary retreat from the Great Hall with their arms looped together.
When they make it to the courtyard - which is busy with third-year students who are waiting for McGonagall to come and tell them the rules because it is still the first year they're allowed to go to the village - Sirius glances around, trying to spot Jess through the crowd. He knows what he looks like because he's seen him in the common room and at the Gryffindor table plenty of times, as well as in the corridors a few times.
"There he is," Mary points to a bundle of students beside the water fountain. They make their way over to them, Sirius gripping Mary's arm tightly. "You don't need to be nervous, darling," Mary whispers. "He's going to adore you."
"What if he doesn't?"
"I promise you, he will. Just be your normal, lovely self," Mary smiles warmly at him, gently squeezing his arm before dropping it completely. It is only then that Sirius realises they have arrived in front of Jess and his friends. Sirius feels his stomach clench with anxiety.
Jess has dark hair, which goes nice with the blue denim jacket he's wearing over a green t-shirt. His jeans are brown and match his shirt. Mary said he was tall, but he isn't. Not really. Sirius was expecting someone giant. Yes, he's noticed Jess in the background before, but he's never really paid attention to his height. He's shorter than James, but still taller than Sirius, which isn't a very hard task considering the fact that he is one of the shortest boys in his year group.
Mary is quite small, so he can see why she would deem Jess as tall, even if he isn't really.
"Hello, all," Mary declares, catching the attention of five surrounding people, one of which Sirius recognises as the girl who asked James out last year, only to be rejected. He probably shouldn't bring that up. There's another girl beside the first one, her hair is platinum blonde and falls over her shoulders elegantly. Martin Wood is amongst the group, Sirius only recognises him from all the times he's seen Mary with him in the common room. Then, there's a boy beside Jess who Sirius assumes is his brother Anthony because he looks close to identical to him, except he has a mullet and a small moustache growing on his upper lip. He is also about half a foot taller than his brother, which makes sense considering he is older.
When Jess' eyes fall on Sirius, he feels his insides squirm. Mary was right - he does have eyes that are a mix of brown and green. He grins at Sirius, showing off a set of white teeth, one on the bottom row is wonky, making his smile endearing. The very first thing Sirius notices about the boy though are his eyelashes. They're so long. Now, Sirius sort of wishes he'd let Mary curl his eyelashes because he's almost jealous. They frame his eyes well, making the green in them more prominent.
"Well, say something to the boy," Anthony mutters, elbowing his brother. Jess stumbles forward and blinks harshly.
"Sorry," he breathes. "It's nice to finally properly meet you. Mary hasn't stopped talking about you for, well, weeks."
"I could talk about Sirius forever. He is a very interesting person, one of the best people I know," Mary shrugs. Then, she narrows her eyes. "So, you better treat him right today or you don't get another chance with him."
Jess raises his hands in mock surrender, his eyes dazzling with amusement as they land on Sirius once again. "Terrifying woman, your friend."
Sirius grins, letting it curl naturally on his face as if he's just talking to another friend. "Terrifying isn't the word I would use. Brilliant; fierce; perhaps a bit tumultuous, but she's only ever terrifying to those who have a reason to fear her."
"Suppose we don't have a problem there then," Jess grins crookedly. "If you'd allow me the honour," he holds out a hand and Sirius stares at it for a second too long, causing Mary to nudge him and pointedly look at Jess' hand. Clearing his throat and nearly choking on the mint he had forgotten was in his mouth, Sirius reaches forward to take Jess' hand. They are softer than Sirius had expected.
"Have fun, you two," Martin snickers as they walk off.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" The blonde girl yells, cupping her hands around her mouth.
"So the limits are endless," Anthony adds, which has Jess blushing and Sirius giggling. Maybe this won't be so bad after all.
Since it's still early by the time they reach the village, and not nearly time for lunch yet, they go window-shopping instead. Sirius browses the displays with intrigue, trying to ignore the way he can feel Jess' eyes watching him. It's not that it's embarrassing - Sirius is too prideful to be embarrassed about such a small thing as someone admiring him. However, it does make him insanely nervous.
What keeps the butterflies in his stomach zooming around is the way Jess hasn't dropped his hand yet. No, he is making it clear that they are here together. On a date. Boys don't hold hands, which now that Sirius thinks about it is a bit rude. Girls are allowed to hold hands and will just be considered close friends, but when it is a boy holding another boy's hand, it's suddenly a problem.
Still, Jess doesn't let go, so Sirius doesn't even try to pull away.
They come across a smaller version of Florean Fortescure's Ice Cream Parlour than the one that resides in Diagon Alley and Jess insists on them going in. He offers to buy Sirius whatever he would like, which Sirius goes to refuse before he remembers that this is the sort of thing that happens on dates. People offer to pay for things and the other person is supposed to agree, right?
In the end, Sirius leaves the shop with an orange-sherbet-flavoured ice cream cone, whilst Jess has a double-scoop cone of cookie dough ice cream. They find a bench not too far away and settle down on it side-by-side. They share stories about their lives, some details about home and some about their friends at school. It is a bit cold out now to be eating ice cream but Sirius doesn't mind the way the ice cream leaves his lips tingling afterwards. It makes him more aware of them, however, which leads to the stark reminder that often when people date they tend to kiss. Sirius has never kissed anyone before, ever. He doesn't know how to kiss. He knows Jess can because he's dated before, boys and girls, he tells Sirius.
Oh, Sirius feels so inexperienced next to him.
As Jess makes it down to the second scoop on his cone, he holds it out to Sirius and asks him if he'd like to try it. Sirius takes it and passes his to Jess and so, at the same time, they try each other's flavours. The cookie-dough isn't at all what Sirius expected, he thought it would taste more like a cookie, honestly. But it has it's own distinct flavour, which is mixed in well with chocolate chips.
He turns to get a glimpse of Jess squinting his eyes and raising his eyebrows as he holds Sirius' cone out at an arm's length away from him. Sirius can't help but burst out laughing at the way Jess tries to smile reassuringly, to pretend that the sweetness of the orange-sherbet isn't making his taste buds go wild right now, but fails immensely.
"Come on, take yours back," Sirius orders softly, trading the ice cream cones again, still chuckling lightly. "What are you like, huh?" He mutters fondly, taking a lick of his own ice cream without so much as flinching.
Jess shakes his head and stares at him in awe. "I don't know how you eat that without getting a toothache."
Sirius just shrugs and takes another lick. "It's nice- sweet. Reminds me of back home."
"Cornwall, right?" Jess asks thoughtfully, shuffling closer along the bench. He slings one of his arms over the back, circling Sirius with it in a way that makes him feel both warm and anxious.
"Yeah," Sirius croaks and then clears his throat. "Everything down there is a bit extra - for the tourists, you know. The chips are saltier, the ice creams are sweeter-"
"The boys are cuter," Jess finishes with a sly smirk as he dips in to take another lick of his cone.
Sirius blushes and feels as his heart leaps in his chest. He doesn't think a boy has ever called him cute before. Maybe one of his friends have, but that doesn't count. This is a boy who clearly fancies Sirius and who Sirius is coming to realise he fancies back. Before the date, he knew Jess was attractive, he does have eyes. But now he knows him, he's discovering that there is more to what meets the eye. Jess is kind and he's confident in the way he flirts and the way he physically reacts to things. Like now, he looks very self-assured and, well, cocky as he compliments Sirius and notices how it affects him.
"Yes- well, um. I guess- you could be the judge of that. If you'd like." Sirius wants to hit himself in the face for stuttering so much. Honestly, he is freaking out over here.
The hand that is lying on the bench behind Sirius makes it's way onto his shoulder and fiddles with the tips of his curls. Sirius inhales and he holds his breath. Jess watches as his own fingers seem to explore Sirius' hair and then his green eyes - which are surrounded in a layer of brown, reminding Sirius of the earth - jump to Sirius'.
"I'd like," Jess replies, his lips curling up ever so slightly in that way that has Sirius' stomach swooping. "The vote is in, and yes, Cornwall has the cutest boys."
"You're from Devon, right?" Sirius raises an eyebrow.
"Right," Jess nods, fingers still playing with Sirius' hair.
"Not too far from Cornwall, but not quite Cornwall either, so I'd have to say I disagree with your vote there, Your Honour."
"Oh, really?" Jess muses, eyes tracing where his fingers move away from Sirius' hair and back onto his shoulder. "You have really soft hair, you know."
"It's shampoo," Sirius blurts out, feeling like an idiot as soon as he's said it. Jess just laughs at him as Sirius, mortified, starts to mentally berate himself. Before he can start over and say something more clever, he is startled by the view of Jess leaning closer and planting a single, gentle kiss on Sirius' temple. He stops and stares, probably gaping at the boy, but he can't help it. "What was that for?"
"Just," Jess shrugs like that answers everything. "You're adorable."
"I am?"
"Yes," Jess laughs softly and then he's standing up and reaching his hand out for Sirius to take. They've finished their ice creams now, so Sirius' hand is free to meet Jess' in the middle. "Let's go check out Zonko's. Mary told me how much you like it in there, oh Great Prankster. Then, we can go and grab a butterbeer if you want?"
"Okay," Sirius agrees, hopping up off the bench and following Jess who, again, doesn't let go of his hand.
The date is going well. So well, in fact, that Sirius hasn't even thought about Remus all day, which is a bloody relief. He should thank Mary Macdonald for suggesting he actually go on a date with someone else, because it's working. There's a small part of him that feels bad, like he's using Jess in place of where he'd like Remus to be, and in a way it's true. However, there's a bigger part of him that realises Sirius is really coming to like Jess, in a way that is different to how he likes Remus. Both are similar in parts, yes, but the difference is that Sirius has a silly crush on Remus, whilst he actually gets to be with Jess. Jess can openly admire him and hold his hand and call him cute and kiss his head and it's all because he fancies Sirius. Now, if Remus did any of those things, Sirius would know it wouldn't be in the way he'd like it to be. He actually gets to be with Jess, and he should forget Remus, so he does. He forgets everything actually and just focuses on being with Jess.
That is until Snape tries to ruins his day, the bastard.
Sirius and Jess make it to The Three Broomsticks just after one, which is about the time Sirius' stomach starts to announce that it is ready for food, much to Jess' amusement and Sirius' embarrassment. They arrive at the entrance just as Snape is exiting the pub. The moment his eyes settle on Sirius, they narrow and a sneer slithers it's way onto his sallow face.
Sirius fully intends to ignore him, in favour of looking at Jess instead. However, his plan doesn't last very long. As Snape passes them, he must notice Sirius' hands because the next thing he knows, Snape is making fun of his nail varnish. Sirius' eyes pounce up sharply to meet Snape's and they glare at each other, daring the other to make a move.
Before either of them can decide whether they would like to start the fight or let the other do it, Jess steps in front of Sirius, towering over him a bit, but not enough that Sirius can't still see Snape over his shoulder.
"Get lost, mate, if you know what's good for you," he commands, flicking his hand in a lazy gesture towards the street. Snape stares blankly at Jess and then his eyes are flickering over to Sirius once again. Jess doesn't seem to like this at all, as he steps to the side and announces, "Sirius can wear whatever he damn well pleases. I understand you're a bit obsessed with everything he says and does, but today it's my turn shower him with attention, so jog on."
Snape doesn't seem to know what to say as he stands there, his mouth opening like he's trying to say something, but the words don't know how to come out. Sirius is watching Jess with wide, adoring eyes because what the fuck ? Since when was Jess defending his honour against Snape. Sirius doesn't like it. Sirius loves it. He doesn't know what to do with that.
This is the moment Sirius confirms that Jess will be staying. Yes, he very much likes him. Well done Mary Macdonald. She deserves a fucking crown for this pick because she is now Sirius' queen and he will worship her forever.
Snape, shockingly, saunters off without a retort, but he does spare a second to send one more seething look Sirius' way.
When Jess turns around, he looks bashful and scratches the back of his neck. Sirius blinks up at him.
"Sorry, I probably shouldn't have uh... I know that was-"
"That was the most attractive thing you could have done on a first date," Sirius proclaims without shame. "I have no idea how you're supposed to up it next time, so good luck with that one."
"So, there will be a next time?" Jess drops his hand and grins sweetly.
Sirius bites his bottom lip and gazes up at Jess through his eyelashes. "I mean, if you want to go out with me again, I know I would like to."
"I do want," Jess admits. "I know the date isn't over yet, but I know I won't change my mind. You're very intriguing, Sirius Tonks."
With that, Sirius swivels on his heel and marches into the pub, listening as Jess laughs once again at the way Sirius tries to hide his blush.
Saturday - 19th October, 1974
Over the next few weeks, Sirius and Jess get to know each other more. They go to Hogsmeade each Saturday and begin to study together in the library, Sirius going whenever Jess invites him to because he wants to spend more time with him. Sometimes, if they run into each other in the common room, they'll settle down on one of the couches and talk until Sirius forgets how much time has passed. A few times, Sirius has borrowed a cigarette from Remus and taken it with him to go and meet Jess by the greenhouses or in one of the abandoned classrooms, which is where Sirius has gotten to know a few of Jess' friends, including his brother. Sometimes Mary will come with him and sometimes he'll go alone.
They haven't kissed yet, but Sirius tries not to think about it. He is very nervous about it and all the anticipation that comes with such an act, but at the same time he wants to know what it feels like. He's always been curious. He remembers the night he admitted to Lily that he was gay, he had spoken to Remus just before about how he thought it would feel to kiss someone. Remus had said it looked gross and now he's kissed someone - Marie. He seemed to enjoy himself, if Sirius' memory is correct. Sirius is still left feeling curious, but he thinks he and Jess are close to it. Maybe.
In the past couple of days, Jess has gotten a bit more touchy around Sirius, not that he wasn't before. But now, they will hug and sometimes he'll kiss Sirius on the cheek or the forehead, once on the bridge of his nose, which was probably his favourite. Then, there was the time he gave Sirius a piggyback up to Gryffindor Tower after spending the afternoon on the grounds together.
He's spoken to his friends about it and they have all had very varied reactions. Frank seems to get choked up whenever Sirius talks about the possibility of his first kiss being on the horizon, which reminds him of Frank's first kiss with Alice and how he had literally cried of happiness when it happened. Peter gets giddy and gives Sirius kissing advice, which only works to make him more nervous, but also confuses him further on how kissing is actually supposed to work. James always seems excited by the updates in Sirius' dating life and asks about a hundred questions whenever Sirius comes back from a date with Jess; Sirius appreciates this more than James will ever know because it gives him a chance to rant about Jess as much as he wants.
Then, there's Remus. Whenever Sirius talks to him about Jess he just appears to be blatantly uninterested, which feels unfair considering the fact that Sirius has had to spend the last year at least listening to Remus go on and on about Marie. Sure, he hasn't always been the most thrilled person ever during those conversations, but he'd never completely disregarded what Remus was saying. It makes him feel a bit sad, to be honest. Remus is supposed to be his best friend and Sirius wants to share this stuff with him. He wishes Remus wanted to hear about it, or would at least pretend to want to.
Jess isn't even, technically, his boyfriend yet. They haven't used the word, but Sirius thinks that is what they are. They spend too much time together to not be, and if they weren't going on dates Sirius would consider them friends. They are definitely more than that though. The tension that lingers between them, around them, smothering them like a warm blanket is enough evidence to convince Sirius that they are more than just friends.
Other than being distracted by Jess, Sirius has been working with the Animagi Group (as he is referring to them now) whenever Remus isn't around to update each other on their progress. They've been repeating their special incantation during every sunrise and sunset, which is why Peter and Sirius are always up when James is nowadays. Sirius usually remains up, not able to get back to sleep once he's been woken, whilst Peter hops right back into bed and falls asleep in minutes until Sirius inevitably wakes him up an hour or two later.
Lily has to do the process on her own in her dorm, but they get together as much as they can to let each other know how much progress they're making. They have all begun to hear the second heartbeat inside of them now whenever they say the Animagus incantation, which is the sign that it's working. Sirius is so proud of them all. They have been working on this since second year and they are now in fourth and their patience and hard work is finally paying off.
Tonight, Slughorn's Halloween bash is happening after he sent the invitations out a month ago. Sirius has already invited Jess, since he is allowed a plus-one and Jess isn't in the Slug Club, even though his older brother Anthony is. James has decided to bring Remus, so he can join in on the club for once, the same with Peter except Frank is the one bringing him. Alice has invited Azalia, and Lily is bringing Marlene, whilst Mary was asked by Barty to go with him a few weeks ago. So, they all get to go, which Sirius thinks is fair. It will also make things much more fun than they were last year. Sirius is just hoping Snape won't ruin the mood again like he had the year before.
Apparently, this year there is going to be some dancing, so Sirius dresses in robes his parents sent for him. They aren't the finest like James', Frank's and Peter's are, but Sirius doesn't mind. They are dark blue, which makes the hint of blue that lingers in the centre of his irises pop out. He is a bit relieved to discover that Remus isn't wearing the poshest robes in the school either, which makes him feel better and less like a sore thumb stuck in the middle of a bunch of pompous thumbs that have rich parents.
Sirius' parents aren't rich, they have enough money to be comfortable and then some, but they are nothing like most of the Pureblood families and how much they have. Sirius is sure that he could combine his vault of money with Remus' and they would still have less than half of what James has in his. Sirius doesn't care though, he's grateful for what he has got and knows that it isn't about looking the fanciest or having the most, it's about having what you need and what makes you happy, which is what he does have.
They meet the girls in the common room and Sirius finds Jess waiting by the stairs for him, which makes his stomach do backflips. He's wearing light-blue dress robes, which match nicely with Sirius' even though they didn't plan it this way. They even made a deal not to tell each other what colours they would be wearing because they didn't want to coordinate and look silly.
Jess tells Sirius that he looks beautiful and Sirius stutters out a response in kind back before taking Jess' arm, which he offers to him, and joining their friends where they are waiting in the middle of the common room.
Anthony is amongst the group of them, he's arm-in-arm with a girl, who Jess tells him is called Leslie. She is Anthony's girlfriend as of this week apparently, which makes sense as to why Sirius hasn't seen her before when he's been hanging with Jess and Anthony. They soon depart Gryffindor Tower and head down to the dungeons, which have been decorated to mock a haunted house, something that reminds Sirius of the Muggle world. Jess, a Pureblood, glances around with curious eyes at the peculiar decorations. When they arrive at Slughorn's chambers and find it is decorated similarly to how it was the following year, Jess only gets more bepuzzled. Sirius and James spend a good chunk of time explaining to him that Muggles decorate their houses like this for Halloween, and then they have to explain why, which is harder than Sirius expected it to be. Usually, he doesn't think too hard about these things since he grew up with them being a common occurrence, so it is interesting to see it from the perspective of someone clueless to how Muggles celebrate the holiday.
James disappears a little bit later and Sirius is confused to find him making his way over to where Lily is talking with Pandora Rosier and Regulus Black. It's probably just some strange Potions club meeting they are having in the corner, so Sirius doesn't think too much about it, instead opting to stare at Jess, who has his arm wrapped around Sirius' shoulders whilst he talks to one of the Hufflepuff fifth year students that Sirius assumes is his friend.
The feast goes much smoother than it did last year. For one, Snape stays far away at the other end of the table, sitting beside Josephine Bletchley and some older Slytherin who Sirius doesn't know the name of. Sirius sits between Jess and Remus, which feels like some sort of dramatic irony thing that only he and Mary understand. When she notices his position, she waggles her eyebrows at him and he just rolls his eyes because he knows exactly what she's thinking. Because Mary is sitting with Barty, it means his friends come over too. They are all here this year, so Sirius assumes they did what the Gryffindors did and just invited each other. Kingsley, much to Peter's excitement, invited Benji, so they are sat next to each other, beside Kingsley, Astro and Xeno.
James ends up between Black and Barty, but he doesn't seem to mind it as much as Sirius would if he were in that position.
Overall, it's a nice evening. Sirius and Regulus ignore each other entirely, Lily helps to explain a little more about the lore behind Muggle Halloween to all the Purebloods at the table who are clueless. She gets asked a tirade of questions, some, surprisingly, by Black and his friends too, but she answers them all gracefully and with the patience that only a kind soul would have.
Once dinner is over, Slughorn invites them all to the dance floor. It's mostly the older students that actually take part in any dancing, but Sirius does see some of the fourth years join in, too. Mary and Barty spin each other around like a pair of lunatics, and Pandora can be seen dancing with Xeno and Lily, whilst Astro sways beside them looking bashful. James manages to drag Azalia with him and ends up teaching her how to ballroom dance, which looks a bit funny amongst all of the crazed dancing taking place around them.
Alice and Frank are sitting to the side, nursing cups of fruit punch as they speak quietly between themselves and it is so obvious to anyone who is looking that they love each other. Sirius wants that. Peter and Benji are much the same, sitting off on one of the smaller tables that are placed around the room, talking to each other.
Jess holds out his hand to Sirius and wiggles his fingers, so Sirius takes it and lets himself be led to the dancefloor. He is pulled into a spin and then drawn into Jess' space. Sirius has never danced like this before, so he doesn't really know what he's doing. He lets Jess lead and follows his steps, not having to look down as he finds it comes natural to him, like perhaps in another life he knows the steps off by heart and the memory of them rolled over into this lifetime.
By the end of the night, Sirius has his arms wrapped lightly around Jess' neck, whilst Jess has his looped around Sirius' torso. There faces are so close together that they're touching, but Sirius keeps his eyes open and stares right into Jess', feeling a little cross-eyed and not even caring.
"Jess?" He whispers, just as the song begins to pick up again.
"Yes, Sirius?"
"Do you..." Sirius exhales quietly and then swallows, finding that Gryffindor courage and just doing it. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"
Jess, unsurprisingly, smiles and Sirius feels it against the bridge of his nose. He leans his head down until his forehead brushes against Sirius' and their eyes have less than an inch between them.
"Oh, I wanted to be the one to ask you," Jess tuts in mock despair. Then, he smiles again. "Of course, I do."
"Oh, good," Sirius sighs, relieved, causing Jess to chuckle.
"Sirius?"
"Yes?"
Jess leans closer until their lips are almost touching but then he pulls back and glances around them like he's only just realising there are people all around them. Jess unravels himself from around him, which disappoints Sirius but he also pulls away from Jess. He reaches for Sirius' hand and pulls him through the other dancers and to the door that leads to the corridor. Sirius doesn't argue as he follows him.
They only stop once they find a completely deserted corridor, there are a few stranded Jack-O'-Lanterns hovering above their heads, emitting a yellow glow that rains down on them. Jess stops and he slowly walks closer to Sirius, which has Sirius taking a couple of steps back until he hits the wall. He stares up at Jess and notices the eager, yet tender, gleam in his eyes, and somehow, even though he's never experienced a moment like it before, he knows exactly what is about to happen.
Jess reaches up to cradle Sirius' face with his palm and then slides his other hand into Sirius', fingers sliding through fingers. He leans closer, giving Sirius enough time to push him away if that is what he wants to do, but that's just it. He doesn't want to push him away. In fact, he wants Jess to hurry up already because Sirius cannot deal with all the anticipation.
Feeling brave, Sirius uses his spare hand to fist the front of Jess' robes and pulls him into a crashing kiss that he has no idea how to steer, but that's okay because Jess immediately takes charge and Sirius is happy to follow him. Their lips slide over each other, gripping and then letting go and reaching for more. It's nothing like Sirius imagined, but it's good. It's very good, in fact. It feels like his blood is sizzling just beneath the surface of his skin and it's everywhere. Every part of him ignites like a firework and the impulsive, rebellious part of Sirius revels in it.
When Jess pulls away, he doesn't go far. He kisses Sirius' cheek and then his forehead and then he's dropping the hand on Sirius' face and taking a hold of Sirius' other hand so that they are now both gripped safely in in his own. He pecks Sirius on the lips once more and positively beams at him.
Sirius has always wanted to know what it would be like to kiss someone, what he wasn't prepared for was just how possessing it would be. Like a firework, his attention had been stolen as soon as the first sparks began to explode across the sky, his attention had been stolen as soon as he met Jess. The thing about fireworks is, they bang and then the noise dies out; they explode with light and then fizzle out into the darkness; they're fun, but they're also fleeting.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Evan sticking up to Alecto like the king he is <3
-why did that little duel between Sirius and Regulus sort of feel like a brother bonding moment? Sirius actually complimented him for once. he isn't below giving credit where it is due 😌
-Barty... is something. He's definitely a gross, stereotypical teenage boy at the moment, but I can't wait for his character development (a.k.a. his maturity to settle in). Mary and Barty are officially starting :) Also, not Evan being jealous and Pandora telling him off for it 💀
-ew ew ew Regulus is becoming friends with more names we recognise from the HP books/films. buckle up, things are about to get a bit more serious.
-Scarlett and Regulus' duo is actually one of my favourite things to write. I love them, I love them, I love them! So Much.
-not Regulus wanting to kiss James but not knowing he wants to kiss James. ugh, I can't. AND HE LOVES HIM. as a friend, yes, but Still. <3
-Marlene and Sirius <3
-Violetta is now an honorary Gryffindor. I love Sirius for helping her, he's such a sweetheart :(
-Mulciber character development? 👀 okay, so I do actually have plans for him, as well as pretty much everyone else, but especially him and I'm interested to see your guys' thoughts on everything.
-Mary Macdonald is Cupid.
-Tell me why writing Sirius' anxiety about going on a first date made me FEEL the anxiety as if it was me. HELP at that point, I was just venting my own nervousness onto the page/screen.
-Mary and Sirius <3
-Jess is suddenly one of my favourite characters. I love him already and I want to keep him.
-Sirius has a boyfriend. Sirius had his first kiss. Sirius is having a great time and so am I. This boy deserves every happy moment he gets <33333I hope you all have a great weekend! As always, thank you for all the support/comments/love on the last chapter, I appreciate all of you! See you next week (7-10 days) x
Chapter 48: Fourth Year: The Snow
Summary:
Remus is a bit grumpy this chapter. The Gryffindors have a Halloween party. It snows.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-underage smoking
-underage drinking
-brief mention of a dead parent
-misogynistic comment ("it wasn't a profession for a girl")Hey, guys! Just here to let you know I have a tiktok and a tumblr account, both usernames are starsarestories. I post frequently on both, mainly about this fic but also just other marauders things if anyone is interested :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I don't like confrontation but
I'm staring at the sun
I won't quit until my eyes go red
I'll finish what's begun
~ Amélie Farren
Saturday - 26th October, 1974
Remus
The only reason Remus is sitting in the Quidditch stands at half-past eight in the morning is for his friends. If they weren't on the team, he would still be in bed right now, or maybe he would be in the Great Hall, still enjoying his chocolate chip pancakes. He could go back now and scrounge whatever is left, but that would only lead to Sirius yelling at him later because today is the first Quidditch match of the year, which means today is Sirius' first game on the team. It is also Marlene and Azalia's first game whilst being on the team, so Remus is here for them, too.
Beside him, Peter is practically screaming out Sirius' name as the Gryffindor team spreads out on the pitch and begins to mount their brooms. Remus would be embarrassed were it only Peter making such a raucous display, but it isn't just him. People all around him yell and cheer on their friends. Remus can hear Jess, who is sitting on the other side of Lily and Mary, he's got his hands circled around his mouth as he shouts out Sirius' name just as Peter is. Remus flinches at it all.
Sirius zooms past them on his broom, slowing down just enough to throw them all a wink, then he's off again. Remus' stomach squirms, likely worried that if Sirius isn't careful he will fall off his broom.
The Gryffindor team get into position across from the Slytherin team. Hooch, who looks a bit like a fly soaring across the pitch, says something and the two Captains move forward to shake hands. Then, as soon as they've mounted their broom and resumed their positions, Hooch hauls the Quaffle into the air and there's movement everywhere. Frank snatches the Quaffle and tucks it safely in the crook of his elbow, already making his way towards the goals guarded by the Slytherin Keeper.
Remus' eyes jump to Sirius, who is, somehow, already dangling upside down from his broom as he overtakes one of the Slytherin Beaters. He rights himself as soon as he is able and then continues to race towards the Bludger that isn't too far away from his Beater's bat right now. As soon as it is in close enough proximity for him to get an appropriate hit, he whacks it, sending it whirling in the direction of one of the Slytherin Chasers, who has to dive to avoid it. The sudden unexpected movement has them loosening their grip on the Quaffle and, as they swirl on their broom, they let it go. James swoops in from God knows where and plucks the Quaffle out of the air before flying off in a blur, leaving the Slytherin Chaser ruffled and confused.
Edwin commentates this game, just as he has every other ever since Remus has been at Hogwarts. However, for the first year since then, Gideon and Fabian are up in the spectator's box with him; their commentary can be heard in the background, causing students to laugh at their unorthodox comments. A few times McGonagall attempts to scold them, but she must know her efforts are futile by now, as she doesn't have as much strain in her voice as she does when she tells off other students. Remus has noticed this has become true for the Marauders, too, whenever they are in trouble. It's as if McGonagall realises that detentions and the threat of losing house points doesn't matter to them in the face of mischief.
Remus pulls out a chocolate bar from his bag when he starts to grow insufferably bored. He uses the little game James made up for him years ago, which is where he eats a piece of chocolate whenever the team he is supporting - Gryffindor today - scores a goal, and if that same team catches the Snitch, he is allowed to eat a whole row. It keeps his attention on the pitch and his stomach grumbling, but he doesn't cheat. Something about having a set of rules to follow makes him stick to the game, rather than scoff the whole chocolate bar down mannerlessly.
He thinks about how he is going to need this chocolate bar to get through the rest of the day. Later, Gryffindor Tower is throwing a party - it was originally planned by Remus, James and Peter as an early birthday party for Sirius, but as more and more people found out about it, it has sort of evolved into a Sirius' Birthday/Halloween/Gryffindor Victory Party (if they win). Gideon and Fabian were the ones who suggested it be fancy dress, so during the last Hogsmeade trip - when Sirius was on his date - Remus, James and Peter went costume shopping with Lily and Marlene (they had to purchase costumes for Sirius and Mary, too, who were both too busy on dates to do it for themselves), whilst Alice, Azalia and Frank went together.
On his right side, Lily chants out Marlene's name, so he assumes she just did something Beater-y. He should probably tune back into the game if he wants his chocolate.
"She's brilliant," Lily breathes, looking amazed as she watches Marlene slam another Bludger past Barty Crouch and towards Calvin Greengrass.
"Yeah, remind me to never make her angry," Remus chuckles, popping a piece of chocolate in his mouth as he watches Bracia score another goal.
"Oh, when she gets angry she cries, so you needn't worry about that," Lily hums, eyes still glued to the pitch. "Although, she does get a bit guarded when you catch her crying. She might just use her bat for that."
"Noted," Remus murmurs, amused.
"I didn't realise Sirius was so good at Quidditch," Lily comments, turning to Remus. "I know we've been at Hogwarts for a few years now, but I've not really seen him play before and he grew up Muggle-ised, I guess you could say."
"He's been flying with his mum since he could walk, I think," Remus says. "Sirius has always been good at flying."
"Noticed, have you?" Lily grins and there's something behind it that says, I know something you don't know. Before Remus can ask her about it, Lily changes the subject. "How are you feeling?"
"Not too bad, actually," Remus replies, taking a nibble from his chocolate bar. The moon is in five days, but it's been one of the easier months so far. He hasn't had a headache yet and he doesn't feel like his spine is about to explode out of his back.
"That's good," Lily smiles softly, her green eyes twinkling. "It's nice you'll get to enjoy tonight without feeling awful. I've invited Pandora, by the way, and Mary invited Crouch." She sighs. "Pandora asked if her brother could come, which means Black might show up, too."
Remus groans silently. "Oh, Sirius is going to just love that."
"Isn't he?" Lily agrees sarcastically. "It's not just that though... Do you think Black is going to hang out with James? Obviously, they can both do whatever they want, but Sirius will probably riot if he sees them together."
"From what I know of Regulus Black, he wouldn't openly admit to being friends with James because of his mother. He likely won't even show up, so we shouldn't worry," Remus suggests calmly. "Besides, if he does show up, he'll have to be wearing a costume otherwise he won't be allowed entry. Fab and Gid have a spell up on the portrait so that anyone who isn't a Gryffindor can't get in unless they're wearing a costume."
"Regulus Black in a costume. Now there's something I would suffer through Sirius' tantrums to see," Lily raises both eyebrows and smirks.
"You might have a point there," Remus snickers. Glancing over Lily's shoulder, Remus' eyes land on Jess. "Sirius might not even notice he's there. He'll be too distracted with his boyfriend." He scowls.
"You're angry." It isn't a question, more of an observation by Lily. She's watching him with pensive eyes, it feels like they're looking right through him, examining all of his deepest secrets.
"Why would I be angry?"
"You should ask yourself that question, Remus. You're the only one who can answer it," Lily's searching expression turns into one of pity.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Remus mumbles, returning his eyes to the game. They don't speak about it again, but Remus' mind continues to replay the conversation over and over, like it's trying to get him to notice something he missed. The only problem is, he doesn't know what he's looking for.
In the end, Gryffindor wins, but Regulus Black, just as he always does, is the one to catch the Snitch, securing Gryffindor their victory.
Remus heads back to the dormitory instead of waiting with the rest of his friends outside the Quidditch changing rooms. He's been in a bit of a grumpy mood recently, mostly because he and Marie are in a fight. It's their first since the one they had in his living room during the summer all those months ago. It had all started because Remus said something in one of his most recent letters about how he didn't like Jess. The reason he doesn't like Jess is unknown to even him, he just has a feeling about him. Whatever it is, Remus doesn't like him. Marie had written back a couple of days later and told Remus he should be happy for Sirius, rather than be searching for something wrong with the boy he is dating. She had then said that he would hate it if Sirius was saying all these things about her, because she is Remus' girlfriend, so Remus shouldn't be doing it.
Obviously, Remus had gotten mad at that. It isn't the same thing. Remus has known Marie since he was five years old, that's almost a decade worth of friendship. Plus, he has been dating her for way longer than Sirius and Jess have been together.
He'd sent a response back that very day and he knows he sounded grumpy in it, but he couldn't help himself. His anger always spikes the nearer they are to the full moon. He sent the letter five days ago and he still hasn't gotten a response; Marie usually takes two to three days to respond. So, he assumes she won't be sending him any letters anytime soon. Not until he apologises, at least.
Remus is a coward and he can't admit that he's wrong. First of all, he doesn't believe he is wrong. Okay, perhaps he could be handling the situation better, but he still trusts his instincts and they are yelling at him that Jess is just not... right for Sirius. Second, he hates admitting he is wrong, especially to Marie who will absolutely act smug about it. God, he can already imagine her expression. She'll probably send him a photo right along with her next letter as soon as he does admit that he is in the wrong, because he will eventually fold. As much as he doesn't like Jess very much, he doesn't want the topic of his relationship with Sirius to destroy his relationship with Marie. Their relationship already has too much strain as it is.
He reaches Gryffindor Tower just after twelve, right when lunch is starting, which is a bit inconvenient for him, but he doesn't really feel like eating at the moment, which is a first. Instead, he puts the Top of the Pops album on his record player and skips to Sirius' favourite song. He lies down on his bed and just listens to it play around the room. Sirius hasn't asked him to listen to it with him for almost a month now. For some reason, Remus misses him.
Once the song is over and a new one starts playing, Remus gets up to turn it off, not wanting to listen to anything else. He puts the record back in it's cover and then moves over to his trunk to dig around for his pack of cigarettes. He only has a couple left because he's been sharing them with Sirius and he has no idea how to get any more whilst he's at Hogwarts, so he might have to ask around.
He places a cigarette between his lips and moves over to the window seat, pushing open the window because he knows how much the other boys (not Sirius) hate the smell of them. Bringing the lighter up to the tip, he watches as the flame bursts to life, blinding him a bit as he stares at it. He puts the lighter down a moment later and breathes in a drag. It instantly settles him, a feeling he will never get used to. The only thing that compares to this even slightly is when he kisses Marie, but even that stresses him out sometimes.
The door to the dormitory bursts open, startling him enough that he has to catch himself before he tumbles too close to the window. He stares at the other end of the room where Sirius is standing in the doorway of the dormitory, his worried eyes are settled on Remus.
Clearing his throat of any smoke, he says, "Hi."
"Hi," Sirius replies a bit breathlessly as if he's just run all the way up here from the Great Hall.
"Shouldn't you be with your team? Celebrating?"
"It isn't a celebration if you aren't there," Sirius replies, making his way closer to Remus. "How was the match?"
"Not too boring," Remus shrugs, carelessly flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette out the window. "You played brilliantly."
Sirius beams at this comment. He's now standing in front of Remus, just tall enough to overtake him in height whilst Remus sits. He's still quite small for their age, Remus thinks, especially considering he is the oldest of the boys, other than Frank. However, Remus has noticed the way Sirius' shoulders have begun to broaden this year, likely with all the extra Quidditch practice. It can't be easy swinging around a bat to hit canon balls each week. His hair has grown since the summer, too, and now almost tickles his jawline, which has sharpened. When did that happen?
Remus' eyes drop to Sirius' hand, which is reaching out towards him like it's waiting for- Oh. He passes the cigarette to Sirius and watches as he holds it between two fingers with paint-chipped nails. Sirius' nails are always some colour nowadays. Today, they're red.
"Marlene's still the better Beater," Sirius mutters around the smoke that billows out of his lips. "I wish I grew up with brothers, or even just one. Someone I could play Quidditch with every day, you know?"
"I can't say I agree with you on that one," Remus replies, retrieving the cigarette from Sirius' hand and sucking on it.
"You wouldn't," Sirius rolls his eyes. "I'll never understand why you hate it, Moony."
"We aren't always going to like the same things," Remus sighs, finishing off the smoke before sending it flying out the window. He closes the window and stands up from his seat, now towering over Sirius.
"I know," Sirius grumbles and Remus gets the sense there is some hidden meaning behind those words.
"You should go back down and celebrate with everyone. You deserve it."
"I couldn't even if I wanted to," Sirius says, huffing as he drops himself backwards onto Remus' bed. "They're already decorating down there for tonight, even though the party isn't starting for six hours."
"And that means you can't go down there... why?" Remus asks, raising his eyebrows.
"Jess said it'll spoil the surprise. I have no idea what he's on about, of course, so I just agreed I'd come up here and see if you would entertain me for a little bit," Sirius sits up until he is leaning back on his elbows. He smirks. "Would you entertain me, Moony?"
Remus listens as his own heart picks up in pace. He probably shouldn't smoke so much.
"I guess we could play some Exploding Snap, if you'd like," Remus suggests, moving across the room to get their deck of cards from Peter's bedside table.
"Great, I'm just going to change my trousers quickly in the bathroom because I accidentally brought the wrong ones to the changing room," Sirius says, hopping off Remus' bed and going over to his own trunk, pulling out a pair of pyjama bottoms before sauntering off to the bathroom.
As soon as the door closes with a small click, Remus drops the cards on the floor and closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. He doesn't know why, but he feels very, very tired all of a sudden.
As it turns out, Remus only has to "entertain" Sirius for a couple of hours before the rest of their friends come up and find them. When Remus says the rest of their friends, he means all of them. The girls come marching through the door with their costumes slung over their arms and bags of what Remus assumes is makeup in their hands. Mary then announces that they are going to start all getting ready together. When Remus informs her that they still have four hours until the party begins, she shrieks and says they are already behind, which only confuses him.
Violetta enters last, which isn't completely unexpected as she has been accompanying the Gryffindors wherever they go for the last few weeks. She seems to be especially fond of Remus himself, for reasons unknown to him, and it only becomes more obvious as she grins at him now, her own costume slung over her forearm. When she spots Sirius, she makes her way over to them, definitely fond of Sirius, who has sort of adopted her. She seems to get along well with James, who always treats her with kindness, and well enough with the girls, who have been nothing but accepting of her. Marlene had been a bit wary to begin with, but Sirius must have given her a similar speech he gave to the boys because she's been perfectly nice ever since.
Peter, who is now sitting across the room on his bed with Mary and Lily by his side, is not Violetta's biggest fan and vice versa. They don't treat each other horribly, probably because they both know it would bother Sirius if they did so, but it is obvious to anyone watching that they don't like each other. Violetta's glares are harsh enough to burn holes into Peter's head, whilst Peter's disdain for the Slytherin girl is clear enough through the expressions always shifting across his face when he looks at her.
Remus doesn't mind her very much. She is a bit blunt about most topics, though Remus assumes it is a Slytherin trait, something she picked up from her old friends, so he doesn't pay it too much attention. It's obvious she likes him more than she does the others, except for maybe Sirius, because whenever he so much as opens his mouth to speak, she gives him her utmost attention, while with the others she does no such thing.
"Lupin, where are your records at?" Azalia calls from where she is standing beside Remus' turntable, her hands on her hips. "Do you have any music by Creedence Clearwater Revival?"
"They're under my bed in a box with a- Yep, that one," Remus watches as Azalia pulls out his box of records. His collection is still quite small, but it has grown a bit since second year. "I have Green River, but that's it."
"Perfect," Alice replies, skipping over to Azalia's side and taking the vinyl from her hand to place it on the turntable. The sound of an electric guitar thrums through the room. Remus watches as Azalia's face brightens, she's holding the album cover in her hand and reading along the song list. "Bad Moon Rising is on here! That's a good Halloween-y song."
Remus flinches at the irony, but only Sirius seems to notice. He sends Remus a grin before jumping up from the floor and joining Alice and Azalia by the turntable.
I can hear the bullfrog callin' me, aw
Wonder if my rope's still hangin' to the tree, aw
Love to kick my feet way down the shallow water
Shoo fly, dragon fly, get back to mother
Pick up a flat rock, skip it across Green River
Well
"Is this really what Muggle music is like?" Remus turns to find Violetta looking at him with curious eyes.
"Not all of it, there are obviously different genres. This is rock, so you might not like it-"
"I didn't say that," Violetta murmurs, eyes turning distant as she listens to the lyrics. "It's the sort of music you would dance to when no one is looking, I think."
"It could be," Remus muses. "Or it could be the sort of music you dance to when everyone is looking."
"Not without losing a significant amount of dignity that would be detrimental to your health."
Remus laughs as the first song dies out and it isn't long before the next starts. Violetta crosses her legs beneath her and lets herself sway to the harsh rhythm of Commotion, bopping her head as she does. At that moment, Lily jumps off Peter's bed and rushes over to the other side of the room where Sirius, Azalia and Alice are dancing around. Remus thinks Violetta has a point, there isn't any dignity in the way their legs jump about or the way they sing to each other, but they're happy and Remus knows exactly what it feels like to dance like that to this sort of music; it's the closest thing there is to feeling on top of the world, in his opinion. So, fuck dignity, he thinks.
"Come on," Remus says, getting up off the floor and holding out his hand. Violetta stares up at him with her lips slightly parted and her eyes wide. She doesn't move, so he tuts and grabs her hand, pulling her up himself. She follows him but still looks like someone has just fallen from the ceiling and struck her.
"What are you doing ?"
"We are going to dance and lose every ounce of our dignity," Remus announces, bringing her with him as he joins in with Sirius and the girls. Sirius grins at the sight of Violetta and starts pulling on her other arm, the one not attached to Remus right now. Violetta looks like she would rather be anywhere else and just stands in the middle of the dancing Gryffindors, frozen in place.
"Skip the next two, they're too slow," Alice says as the song comes to an end. Azalia, giving her a small salute first, moves the needle, skipping the next two songs. Bad Moon Rising begins to bounce off the walls and soon James, Frank and Mary are joining the rest of them, leaving Peter and Marlene to watch the group of them with fond, slightly exasperated, expressions.
Don't go around tonight
Well it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
Between the two of them, Sirius and Remus get Violetta moving her feet and, not long after, she's huffing as she lets them move her arms about.
I hear hurricanes a-blowin'
I know the end is comin' soon
I fear rivers over flowin'
I hear the voice of rage and ruin
"You Gryffindors are nuts!" Violetta yells over the music, but she continues to dance just as erratically as the rest of them do. Remus thinks this is probably good for her, she seemed to need to blow off some steam. Lily, who is dancing beside Sirius, finally notices Violetta and beams at her. She reaches out for Violetta's arms before pulling her away from Remus and Sirius, who both have to subdue laughter at the sight of Violetta's murderous glare that she shoots at the both of them.
"We'll make a Gryffindor of her yet," Sirius says, turning to Remus with a wide smile.
"Maybe, or perhaps she will turn us all into Slytherins," Remus mutters, returning Sirius' smile with one of his own.
"You could never be mean enough for that," Sirius responds.
"Maybe just you then."
Sirius feigns offence, gasping and then reaching out to swat at Remus, who just takes it and chuckles. Sirius shakes his head.
"I take back what I said. You are a meanie, Moony," Sirius huffs, but Remus can tell he isn't actually upset.
After another half an hour of this, Mary orders them all to start getting ready. It's still just over three hours until the party actually begins, but apparently that isn't a lot of time to Mary Macdonald. So, to evade her wrath, they all start taking turns to use the bathroom to get changed. Sirius, who has always been shameless, doesn't care enough to wait for the bathroom and, instead, starts putting on his costume right there in the middle of the dormitory. Mary wolf-whistles, whilst Lily turns a dark shade of red and Marlene rolls her eyes.
Mary spends an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom applying makeup to her face. Remus has to admit, she does look very pretty when she's finished, not that she doesn't always look pretty, but it has been enhanced. Her eyelashes look longer and her cheeks glow a bright pink. She's drawn those lines on her eyes again, except this time they are blue and red with a dot of yellow at the tip of each wing. She's dressed up as Wonder Woman.
It was a group decision to dress up as Superheroes, mainly inspired by Peter's comics that he's been obsessing over since he first discovered them in third year. Lily is wearing her Jean Grey costume, which mostly consists of a green bodysuit that tightly hugs her body, a black belt wrapped around her middle with a bright, gold buckle that has an X on it. Peter insists she is supposed to wear a mask with it, but Lily refuses, saying how it makes her nose sore.
Marlene is dressed up as Thor, which is the costume she chose. Sirius spends fifteen minutes drawing a fake beard on Marlene's jaw and chin, using one of Mary's makeup sticks to do so. Marlene keeps giggling and muttering something about how it tickles, which is why it takes so long. Sirius is dressed up as Daredevil, but instead of wearing Daredevil's classic, red superhero suit, he is wearing an actual suit and tie - consisting of a completely black blazer, shirt and trousers, whilst his tie is red. He's wearing a pair of red-tinted sunglasses to complete the look.
He looks so cool.
James is dressed up in a red and blue Spiderman costume, mask off at the moment as he is currently helping Azalia plait her long, brown hair into two French braids. Remus is dressed as Doctor Strange; he's wearing a cyan shirt, with matching trousers and a crimson cape that falls elegantly over his shoulder. The cape is held together at his chest by a circular, golden medallion that looks heavier than it actually is.
Peter is currently struggling to attach his Captain America shield to his arm, since it's supposed to stick to the sleeve of his costume with Velcro. Frank moves over to help him as soon as he notices Peter is failing.
Somehow, they managed to convince Violetta to join in on their Superheroes theme, too. So, she is dressed up in a blue dress that has a yellow lightning bolt printed across it, she's wearing red tights and has a matching red, long-sleeved top on underneath her dress. Unlike Lily, she is wearing the mask that goes with her costume, it's a simple black one that covers her eyes, like the sort you would find at a Masquerade Ball. She's dressed up as Ms Marvel and does not look very pleased about it.
Frank, Alice and Azalia decided to have their own themed costumes. Alice is wearing a light-blue dress that jumps out at her hips, sort of like an umbrella. On top of that, she has a white apron and a black ribbon tied into a bow on top of her head. Remus recognises the costume immediately as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Glancing across the room, he notices Frank is wearing a top hat that has a card sticking out from it's rim with the fraction 10/6 scribbled on it. He's got a brown coat on over a bright-green waistcoat and an even brighter yellow shirt, which clashes oddly with his purple trousers and red shoes. Peter is currently tying an orange bowtie around Franks' collar, completing the Mad Hatter costume.
When Remus finds Azalia he grins at the sight of her Cheshire Cat costume. It's basically just a pink and blue, striped onesie, but when he looks closer he notices she has a tail and she's used a spell to make fake cat ears sprout from the top of each plait on her head.
It is almost time to head down to the common room by the time everyone is ready. They head off in a line, insisting that Sirius be the last one down, so they can all be there to gauge his reaction to the decorations that Jess and his friends have been working on all afternoon, according to Peter and James.
Remus is the first one down and takes in the sight of Muggle Halloween decorations that are placed ceremoniously around the common room. It reminds him a bit of Slughorn's Halloween party, only this looks much better than Slughorn's attempts had been. There are layers and layers of fake cobwebs above them, little green and orange lights sparkle through the web which has shrouded the room mostly into darkness. However, there are candles lit up in sconces around the room and a few Jack-O'-Lanterns floating a few inches above people's heads that bring a bit more light into the room.
The people in the portraits are all dressed up in skeleton costumes that appear to glow in the dark. There are fake bats dangling from the drinks and snacks tables and Remus notices a skeleton Mariachi band (decorations, not real ones, of course) in the corner of the room that must have been enchanted to play music. There will be no need for a record player then, Remus ponders miserably.
To top it off, there are magical sparks that float through the air, transforming at will into different staple Halloween things, such as ghosts and bats and pumpkins. They zoom past Remus' head, making him jolt slightly in surprise.
When Sirius makes it down, his eyes widen immediately in surprise. It doesn't take very long for his eyes to settle on Jess, who is standing a few feet away, dressed up as a vampire. When he grins, he shows off two dazzlingly white fangs. Sirius makes his way over to his boyfriend and throws his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.
"Thank you," he grins, pulling away enough so he can look Jess in the eye. "It's amazing! How did you do it all?"
"James and Mary gave me a bit of help," Jess replies, staring at Sirius with an equally fond gaze. "Then I had my friends set everything up with me. It took bloody ages, so I'm very happy you like it."
"I love it," Sirius breathes before leaning in and pressing a swift kiss to Jess' lips.
Remus has to look away because watching the two of them together makes him feel vaguely ill. Whether it's because he doesn't like Jess or because he misses Marie and wishes he could be doing that with her right now, he doesn't know. He lifts a hand and rubs it against his chest, feeling as his heart pangs for whatever reason. Swiftly turning on his feet, he marches over to the table where the alcohol is and starts pouring a rather large amount of firewhisky into a paper cup.
To his surprise, Mary has followed him, so when he turns around he has to stop himself from walking directly into her. She has her arms crossed and is looking at him in a way that makes him feel as if he is about to be scolded by his mother. It makes him shrink back a bit.
"Remus," she says his name like it's an accusation and Remus doesn't know what he's done, so he doesn't know how to respond. Luckily, he doesn't have to, as Mary doesn't seem to be finished. "Any reason you practically ran away back there?" She raises an eyebrow.
"I didn't run away," Remus mumbles, avoiding her eyes. "I was... thirsty." He holds his cup up as if that will prove his point, but Mary does not look satisfied in the slightest. She steps forward slowly, which has Remus almost tripping backwards into the table. Mary reaches out to grab the front of his shirt and pulls him close to her.
"Whatever your problem is with Jess, it needs to end now," her voice is steady, menacing in a way that Remus didn't know Mary was capable of. He feels himself flinch away from her. "Sirius is happy and Jess is the one making him happy. If you have a problem with them, then you have a problem with me, and trust me when I say this Remus John Lupin, you do not want to have a problem with me."
"I don't have a problem with them," Remus stutters, feeling oddly frightened right now.
"Again," Mary glares up at him.
"I don't have a problem with them," Remus repeats, more convincing this time.
"Brilliant," Mary grins, pulling back from him as if that didn't just happen. She reaches around him to pour a drink of her own and then winks. "Have fun!"
He watches as she goes and, strangely, feels like crying. Remind him to never mess with Mary Macdonald.
Remus thinks about what Mary said. Sirius is happy and Jess is the one making him happy. Remus knows that, he is eternally grateful to Jess for making his best friend so happy, but he'd forgotten he was grateful. He doesn't know why. It's the same as how he doesn't have an actual reason to dislike Jess, he just... does. Which isn't a good enough reason, Remus knows that.
He looks across the room and finds Sirius laughing loudly at something Jess is saying. Jess watches him with warm eyes, not at all caring that Sirius' laugh is as wild as his personality. No, he just looks like he's pleased with himself for getting this reaction from Sirius. That is what Sirius deserves, Remus knows that. So, ignoring the ridiculous voice in the back of his head that is demanding he dislike Jess, Remus makes his way over to the two of them and officially introduces himself to Sirius' boyfriend. He's been avoiding doing it until now, so he does it properly. He holds out his hand and smiles like he would if any of his other friends started dating someone.
Jess grins at him and shakes his hand jovially, flashing his fake fangs as he does so. Something inside of Remus starts to flood with rain because Jess is genuinely... nice, and Remus hates it. He doesn't show this, of course. Instead, he allows Jess to pull him into their conversation and, once again, he rubs at the tightness in his chest. It doesn't ease.
***
Saturday - 26th October, 1974
James
James watches from afar with a fond expression as Sirius starts laughing at something Jess has said. He is so relieved that Sirius is with someone as great as Jess is. He remembers back when he thought Sirius might like Remus in that way, but as he watches Sirius and Jess and the way they simply look each other, he knows that even if it were true it can't be anymore.
James is with Lily and Mary at the moment, sitting with them as they wait for Barty and Pandora to show up. James finds it sort of funny sometimes that two of his best friends are close with two of Regulus' best friends. He thinks about Regulus' theory about other universes and just knows that if those other universes do exist, then there is one right beside this one where they are all friends. He wonders if he will ever get to openly be Regulus' friend in this life, if Sirius won't hate him for it, or if Regulus' mother won't punish him for it.
His thoughts are disrupted as Lily and Mary both hop up from their places on the couch either side of him, and he can't help but be thankful. Sometimes, his mind comes up with ideas that make him upset, like suggesting he'll never get to flaunt his friendship with Regulus about because the universe they reside in is against them. So, sometimes, he needs an interruption.
As it turns out, the interruption isn't too different from his thoughts. Mary and Lily are making their way over to the small group of students who have just entered through the portrait, and James is going right with them. He notices Pandora first, since it is always difficult to miss her blindingly white hair. She is dressed up in a lion onesie, which makes James laugh. He is curious to see if she did it because it's a Gryffindor party, or if it's because of some other reason.
Beside Pandora, her brother is adorned in silver clothes and has some sort of silver hat on, too. It looks a bit like the spout of a kettle. Evan does not look pleased to be dressed up like this, but he does smile slightly when his sister pulls Lily into a hug, beaming in delight over the red-head's shoulder.
Barty is wearing a green tartan shirt underneath some dungarees and has, what looks like, hay stuffed up his sleeves. He looks a bit like those hay-men that Muggles put in fields to scare off crows, but he can't remember what they're called. So far, the Slytherins (and Pandora) are all displaying very random costumes.
Dorcas is next, she's wearing a black, cloaked dress that hits the floor and has a matching, pointy witch's hat on her head over her braids, which she has dyed dark-green.
James doesn't notice Regulus amongst his friends until he is standing right in front of him. From beside him, he can see Mary pulling Barty towards her, but he doesn't pay them any mind as he takes in Regulus' costume. He's wearing a completely black suit with a dark cloak slung over his shoulders, held there by silver chains that curve up to the collars of his shirt. There's a top hat on his head that presses his curls closer to his face and he's wearing fancy, black gloves that match his shiny shoes.
Grinning because he can't help it, James steps forward and then halts. He wants to compliment Regulus on his costume because... well, for a few reasons, really. One, he didn't think Regulus would show up, so it's a surprise to see him, but a lovely surprise at that; two, he never would have expected Regulus to actually dress-up, even if it were literally impossible for him not to lest he not be able to get through the wards; three, he looks amazing. James has no idea what his costume is actually supposed to be, but that doesn't matter to him.
"Potter, you look..." Regulus eyes him up and down. One of his eyebrows twitches, telling James Regulus is supressing a laugh. "What exactly are you supposed to be?"
"Spiderman," James replies, placing his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest.
"How can you move in that thing? It looks like it would tear if you so much as moved your arms."
"So long as I don't start doing cartwheels, it won't split," James shrugs. "Oh! And there's a mask!" He pulls the mask out of his pocket and places it over his head. It is very difficult for him to see anything as it knocks his glasses askew, but he does make out Regulus' fond expression at James' childish excitement. Whipping the mask off and placing it back in his pocket, he asks, "What are you then?"
"I'm a Wizard," Regulus says.
"Yes, I know that," James huffs a laugh. "I meant, what is your costume?"
"My costume is a Wizard, Potter," Regulus replies, amused. "The Wizard of Oz."
"Is that, like, Merlin's brother or something?" James blinks, utterly confused. Apparently, overhearing their conversation, Dorcas jumps in to explain.
"It's a book, we're all characters from it," she says. "I'm Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, Regulus is the Wizard of Oz, Barty is the brainless Scarecrow, Evan is the heartless Tin-Man and Pandora is the Cowardly Lion."
"Yes, Barty's is the only one that makes sense," Regulus comments blandly.
James lets out a sudden laugh because Regulus is just so funny, even when they are pretending they aren't friends. Regulus' eyes flicker towards him and simply watch as James laughs until he can catch his breath again.
"Are you guys hungry or thirsty? There's plenty to go around," James asks, raising his eyebrows. Dorcas shakes her head and murmurs something about McKinnon. When James checks, he discovers Marlene not too far away from the refreshments. Apparently, the dislike between the two girls goes both ways. Brilliant.
"What about you, Reg?"
"Don't call me that," he snaps, but there's no real bite behind it. James knows it's simply a reflexive reaction by now, something to keep up appearances. Regulus glances up at him and then mumbles, "I could do with a drink."
James' smile widens. "Great! This way." He turns around and feels a deep-seated pleasure take it's place in his chest when Regulus begins to follow him, walking by his side. Luckily, James is nice to most people, so he doesn't have to hide his smile. However, Regulus is sort of known for his dislike of Gryffindors, so he scowls the entire way to the drinks table.
"What would you like? We've got fizz, juice, firewhisky, water," James lists. "Anything tickle your fancy?"
"Is... is firewhisky nice?" Regulus questions quietly like he doesn't want to be overheard.
"It's alright," James shrugs, reaching for it and pouring a tiny bit in a cup. He holds it out to Regulus. "I'm not going to pressure you to try it or anything, but if you'd like to then here."
Regulus, very hesitantly, takes the cup from James' hand and brings the rim up to his nose. His nose crinkles a second later and James can't help but think of how cute it makes Regulus look. He truly is adorable. He looks up at James with sceptical eyes, but James just smiles softly. Regulus glances back down at his drink and then brings the cup to his lips, bravely throwing the whole thing back and swallowing it down instantly. He lets out cough, which he muffles in his forearm.
"I no longer trust your judgement," Regulus croaks, actually glaring down at his empty cup like it's just mortally offended him.
"I wasn't aware you trusted it to begin with," James snorts.
Regulus sighs and licks his lips. "Can I have more?"
Trying to hold in his laugh, because he knows Regulus would not appreciate it in the slightest if it's at his expense, he picks up the bottle of firewhisky again and pours a generous amount into Regulus' cup.
"You've never been drunk before, have you?"
"No," Regulus replies softly. "If I do end up... drunk, don't let me embarrass myself."
"Don't worry, I'll look out for you. Just try to have fun, yeah?" James tilts his head to the side.
"Alright."
"Who invited you ?" Sirius comes up beside James, throwing an arm over his shoulders. He's scowling down at Regulus, looking at him like he's scum on the bottom of his shoe. James sighs.
"Lily said Pandora could bring her friends," James says, turning to raise his eyebrows at Sirius. "Be nice."
Sirius rolls his eyes. "I'm always nice."
"Yes, just delightful," Regulus mumbles before taking a sip of his drink. He doesn't so much as wince this time, already prepared for the way it probably burns his throat.
"If you're going to be a dick you can leave," Sirius grumbles. "It's not like anyone wants you here."
Regulus settles his face into a blank expression as he regards Sirius. This is somehow much worse than the glare Sirius had been directing his way. This look holds nothing but disgust, like Sirius is something not worthy of Regulus' time. Then, for a split second, his eyes slide over to James before pointing back at Sirius.
The situation sort of reminds James of the train ride back in first year when Sirius accused Regulus of discrimination. Regulus had denied it and turned to James, his friend, someone who was supposed to trust him and back him up, only to be rejected. Only for James to side with Sirius, the boy he'd only just been acquainted with. James had, inadvertently, chosen Sirius in that moment.
He sort of feels like this is his second chance. How does he defend Regulus now without divulging their secret about being friends? He knows Regulus doesn't want anyone else to know at the risk of his mother finding out. James trusts Sirius, but he also knows how much Sirius loathes Regulus.
In the end, it comes down to two factors for James. He doesn't want Regulus to leave this conversation feeling embarrassed, and he doesn't want Regulus to think he is choosing Sirius again because, to tell the truth, James wouldn't choose Sirius. He wouldn't choose Regulus either. They are both his friends, very close friends at that. He would side with both of them or he would step away completely. In this moment, however, Regulus is the one who needs him.
"I want him here," James states clearly, watching as Regulus' gaze returns to his own, eyes wide with shock and something else... something pleased. James looks at Sirius, who is already staring at him, surprise marring all his features. He blinks and his arm drops from around James' shoulders.
"Why?"
"Because... because I..." James swallows, not quite sure how to end that sentence. Because he's my friend. Because I care about him. Because he's Regulus. Instead, he settles on, "Because any friend of Pandora is welcome here."
Sirius tuts. "Fine, whatever. Just keep yourself and your slimy friends away from our dormitory."
"I can't imagine why any of us would want to go up there tonight, but sure," Regulus comments, looking unimpressed. Sirius just scoffs and marches off into the crowd. James watches him until his head disappears and then he looks down at Regulus.
"I'm sorry," he says, frowning.
"Why are you apologising?" Regulus looks genuinely confused.
"I lied," James says a bit breathlessly. "I want you here because you're my friend."
Regulus blinks like he wasn't expecting James to say that. He picks at the rim of his cup and James waits for him to say something.
"In another universe," Regulus whispers, almost too low for James to hear, "I wouldn't have to hide you. I hope that version of myself doesn't take that for granted."
As always, Regulus leaves James feeling a bit choked by what he's said. He doesn't think Regulus understands the impact some of his words can have. It's something James wishes could be true for this universe, but can never be.
"Do you want to go somewhere quiet?" James asks, feeling the need to leave all these people so that he can go somewhere else with Regulus. It's almost as if his mind can't contemplate talking to Regulus with so many other people around because it is so used to it just being the two of them.
"Okay," Regulus utters.
James isn't really sure where else they can go, so he directs them towards the stairs that lead to the dormitories. Regulus follows him, even after Sirius just told him not to go up there. James doesn't take him to his room, however. He stops just after the stairs curl, so they will be hidden out of view from the party, and then he sits down. Regulus sits beside him on the step, still cradling his cup.
"I really like your costume, by the way," James murmurs, reaching up a hand to gently flick the edge of Regulus' top hat.
"It was Dorcas' idea," Regulus rolls his eyes. "She heard we had to dress up to get in. I, of course, suggested not going at all, but she was having none of it. Scarlett didn't come because she absolutely refused to wear a costume. Dorcas is nicer to her than she is to me."
"Right, Scarlett," James shuffles along the step, moving closer to the wall. To be honest, James hadn't even noticed the girl's absence. "I always forget you're..."
"Engaged?" Regulus grimaces. "Yeah, well, it's a Pureblood thing."
"I'm a Pureblood and I'm not getting married any time soon."
"Alright, a Sacred Twenty-Eight thing then," Regulus huffs. "I don't really want to talk about it." He lifts his cup and takes a large sip, only slightly wincing as he gulps it down. Once he's decided he's had enough for now, he offers the cup to James, who takes it and sips from it slowly.
"So, have you never had alcohol before?"
"I've had wine, but only one glass at a time and never enough to get me drunk. Well, actually, once Narcissa let me have her glass, too, and I passed out. Not sure if that counts as being drunk though."
"It's a weird sensation," James explains, taking another sip, "but it's quite fun once you're actually drunk. Everything sort of... silences."
"Silences?" Regulus echoes, curious.
"That voice in the back of your head that speaks of all your insecurities and fears, it disappears."
Regulus blinks and takes back the cup. He drinks some more and then sighs. "How long does it take to work?"
"It should be kicking in about now," James smirks, watching as Regulus sways slightly without even realising that he's doing it.
"Well, I can't feel anything," Regulus announces. He takes off his hat and stares down at it. "Did you know Muggles think rabbits live in these?"
"What?" James questions, bewildered.
"I know. Such a ridiculous concept," Regulus shakes his head in a disapproving manner, which has James laughing. When Regulus hears the sound, he turns to look at James and smiles gently at him. "Do you want to try it on?"
"Your hat?"
"Yeah."
"Okay then." James goes to take the hat from Regulus' hands, but Regulus is already doing it himself. He places it carefully on James' head and then pulls back and admires his work. A crease forms between his eyebrows and then he's reaching out to adjust the hat. He hums once he's satisfied with it's placement and meets James' eye.
"How do I look?" James questions.
"A bit silly," Regulus giggles.
"Ah, just what I was going for," James smirks smugly, enjoying the way Regulus' laughter increases.
"You're an idiot."
"You've said," James smiles like he hasn't just been insulted.
"Hm, it bears repeating," Regulus hums. "Oh, I think I'm feeling it now."
"The alcohol?"
Regulus nods.
James smiles once again, just watching as Regulus shuffles about on the step, eyebrows crinkled like he's unhappy with the disruption of the steps being too hard. Not for the first time, James thinks about how beautiful Regulus Black is. It's a thought he's had before, whether subconscious or because it was thrust upon him by a Wit-Sharpening Potion. The thing is, he never examines the thought because it's pretty simple. Regulus Black is beautiful, that's just a fact of life. Sort of like how the stars come out at night, and one day the sun will die and swallow up the earth along with it, and Regulus Black is beautiful.
James notices it especially in this moment though. Regulus' cheeks glow a subtle pink and his pupils are larger than James has ever seen them, darkening and further enhancing the blue in his irises. His eyelashes hood his eyes in a way that feels criminal, sort of similar to the hazardously sharp cut of his cheekbones and the gentle slide of his nose. His ebony curls glide gracefully down his temples, framing his face like it's a piece of art, something worthy of being observed, and oh James believes it is. Sometimes, Regulus overwhelms him in ways he doesn't understand and James both wishes he could and fears he one day will.
"You're staring at me," Regulus thinks aloud, grinning as he does.
"Sometimes it's hard not to," James admits almost soundlessly. "Your very existence calls for attention, Regulus Black."
Regulus sort of drifts closer to James on the step, like he's the moon being dragged closer to the earth by an invisible string. James pushes forward too and it feels like they are both the negative sides of two separate magnets, trying to get closer, but there's a law against them. Just as James rests a hand on the step behind Regulus' back and places the other gingerly on Regulus' knee, encasing him in a way that somehow feels more intimate than a hug, they are interrupted by the sound of stumbling footsteps.
They break apart, Regulus jumps to his feet and hops up a step, which means he stands right on James' hand. James groans and pulls his hand towards his chest. Regulus stares down at him with wide, panicked eyes and starts apologising, but his voice is soon drowned out by another.
"Come on, Remus, just a few more steps," Lily's gentle commandment hits James' ears just as he turns to look at the disruption. Lily is slowly plodding her way up the stairs, an arm around Remus' waist as she helps him up. He doesn't look very compliant and instead keeps trying to pull Lily's hand away from him. Lily doesn't let up and just clenches tightly onto Remus' costume, which only leads to some petulant grumbling from Remus, who looks very, very drunk.
Lily's eyes fall on the scene in front of her: James still sitting on the stone steps with his injured hand kept close to his chest and Regulus standing just above him with a stricken, guilty expression. Ridiculously, James' brain chooses this moment to remind him that he is still wearing Regulus' top hat. He almost laughs at the absurdity of it all, but manages to stop it from travelling up his throat and leaves it to bubble in his chest.
"You two," Lily grouses like an accusation. "Rather than just watching me struggle, could you perhaps help?"
It takes them both a couple of seconds to shake off whatever trance they'd both fallen into, but then Regulus and James are both jumping forward to assist Lily in getting Remus up the stairs. Lily and James hold onto the almost unconscious boy, whilst Regulus hurries up the stairs to open the door for them. He stumbles a bit, probably because of the alcohol in his system. James wonders how long they've been gone from the party. It doesn't feel like very long, but then again time never does feel normal when he's with Regulus, especially not when he's been drinking. It's always going too fast. Somehow, though, in the time since they've been absent, Remus has managed to get himself horribly and undeniably sloshed.
James, Remus and Lily stumble across the dormitory to Remus' bed. As soon as they loosen their grip on him, Remus drops onto his bed like a bag of bricks. Regulus stands in the doorway, not bothering to move further into the room, but also not leaving.
"How did he manage to do this to himself?" James queries, throwing his hand vaguely in the direction of Remus' prone form.
"Barty Crouch Junior is a terrible influence," Lily grumbles, sending a sharp look Regulus' way as if it is his fault that his friend is an absolute terror.
"Oh, he'll regret that tomorrow," James mutters, sending a pitying look Remus' way even though the boy is very much passed out now.
"Well, thank you for helping me get him up here safely," Lily says, sending both James and Regulus a polite smile. "For a minute there, I thought we'd both go tumbling down the stairs." She shakes her head, pulling out her wand and then spelling Remus' curtains shut. When she turns around and faces James and Regulus, her eyes narrow suspiciously. "What were you two doing?"
"Nothing," James blurts out at the same time Regulus says, "Talking."
Lily sighs. "You're all hopeless," she mutters to herself before crossing the dormitory and only stopping when she makes it to the doorway. She swivels to face James. "Stay with him, will you?"
"Of course," James agrees immediately, always ready to offer his assistance should someone be in need of it. His eyes bounce over to Regulus who looks at him at the exact same time. Silently, they watch each other and James doesn't even notice as Lily slowly makes her descent back down the stairs.
"Is your hand okay?" Regulus asks like that's all he's been thinking about this whole time.
"Just a little bruised, but I can heal it," James promises with a small smile.
"That's good," Regulus says. "I should probably get going then." He starts to turn around, but James rushes over to him and stops him before he can leave.
"Reg, wait."
Regulus swivels around and, when James doesn't continue speaking, raises an eyebrow. "James?"
James glances down at where his hand is wrapped around Regulus' wrist and, with a harsh blink, he drops it. "Sorry. I- uh- Your hat." He takes the hat off his head and passes it to Regulus, who takes it in his hands and holds it close to his chest rather than putting it on.
"Thank you."
"No problem. Sorry I have to stay up here, but Remus might need me," James explains, gesturing to Remus.
"You don't need to apologise, James," Regulus smiles. He bumps his gloved pinkie against James' and then turns to leave. This time, James watches him go.
Sunday - 10th November, 1974
Sirius' fifteenth birthday comes and goes with a smaller celebration on the actual night of his birthday that consists of just the five boys in their dorm and a cake. The second moon of October falls on Halloween night and Remus gets through it quite nicely and ends up back in lessons only two days later. Peter and Benji have their one-year anniversary; Benji takes Peter out to the grounds for a picnic and Peter comes back with stories to tell the rest of them, all of which have James giggling, Sirius shaking Peter about excitedly and Remus smirking.
A couple of days after Sirius' birthday, and a week after the full, Remus receives a letter from Marie that consists of her hoping the moon went well for him and that is all. After that brief message, James sat Remus down away from everyone else and asked him what was going on. Remus had been miserable since the beginning of October and it hadn't been evading anyone's notice.
Remus refused to tell him anything at first but, with James' gentle prodding, eventually admitted he'd been having problems with Marie. James, of course, already knew this thanks to Cara's letters, but he acted as if he didn't and let Remus vent about it. By the end of the conversation, James was convincing Remus to write an apology to Marie, saying she had been mature enough to reach out first even though she wasn't in the wrong here.
That was a few days ago now and Remus has been a bit happier (and has informed James that he and Marie are back on good terms), but he still seems a bit off. James wishes he knew why.
James has Potions club today, the first he's had since the Halloween party because during the last two Potions club sessions he was either looking after his hungover friends or hanging out with Sirius because it was his birthday. He's been back to the tower almost every night since and Regulus has been there too, but they haven't spoken very much. James feels like there is always something luring in the air between them, something that keeps them apart. He wishes he could crush it or blow it away, but he can't even see it so he doesn't know how to.
Luckily, he still has Potions club with Regulus; so, when Slughorn has them gather ingredients from the cupboard and they fall into their regular routine of James collecting the cauldron and Regulus getting the ingredients, he feels a little hopeful.
Slughorn tells them to create whatever Potion they can come up with using the ingredients in front of them. It's something Regulus and James have been doing since second year now, so it isn't very difficult for them to do. James suggests they create a Digoxin Potion, something to help heal heart failure, since they have the correct components for it. Regulus agrees with a small nod, not even glancing in James' direction.
"Regulus, if we're going to do this well, I'm going to need you to look at me," James says tenderly, not trying to push Regulus. "Please."
At that, Regulus meets his eyes with his own gentle stare. "I'm sorry. I just- it's awkward now."
"Why would it be awkward?" James frowns, genuinely puzzled.
"At the party... I don't know what happened, but it felt weird and- I really don't know, James, alright? It's just made me feel a bit uncomfortable is all," Regulus snaps, careful to keep his voice low and not draw attention to them.
"You have nothing to feel uncomfortable about," James answers him, even though he didn't really ask a question. "Besides, it's me. You know my deepest secret, so you can't really think I'm going to judge you or make you feel uncomfortable on purpose, can you? Reg, I trust you."
"I know you do, James," Regulus sighs like this is a big tragedy. "I trust you, too, you know."
"That is great news," James beams, which causes Regulus to huff a short laugh. "Now, let's brew our potion. Hand me the powdered unicorn horn."
Instead of going to the Great Hall for lunch, Lily and James stop by the kitchens and pick up a couple of sandwiches to take with them to Godric's room. It was Lily's suggestion that they go there rather than the hall and when James asked why she said that's where she last left her guitar. So, once they've visited the house-elves of Hogwarts, they make their way up to the fourth-floor study area and make their way through the maze of books.
They sit down on the couch in Godric's room, which is placed in front of the fireplace. Lily's guitar is slung across one of the armchairs. They eat first and then, when they're both finished, Lily grabs her guitar and settles it across her lap. It's cherry-red colour glows like Mary's lipstick under the amber lights.
"I've learnt a new song," Lily says as she arranges her fingers correctly against the strings of the guitar. Glancing up at him, she grins. "Would you like to hear it?"
"Definitely," James responds, moving on the couch to get more comfortable. "Which song is it?"
"Dream On by Aerosmith. I've only just learnt how to play and sing at the same time," Lily explains, nervously fiddling with one of her rings.
"Does that mean I'm the first person to ever get to hear the great Lily Evans sing?"
"I don't know about great," she rolls her eyes, then flips her hair over her shoulder and fixes her posture. "Yes, you'll be the first."
"Why me?" He asks.
"Because you're my best friend," Lily answers, meeting his eye with a shy gaze. "That and I know that you'll be nice to me no matter how terrible I am."
"You aren't going to be terrible," James says, raising an eyebrow. "You aren't terrible at anything. Now, come on, stop stalling. I want to hear it."
"Okay."
Taking a deep breath, Lily starts to play the song. Her fingers pick at the guitar strings deftly; the melody starts off relatively slow, then, just before she starts to sing, the thrum of her fingers begin to quicken.
"Every time that I look in the mirror... All these lines on my face getting clearer..." Lily spares him a quick glance and James sends her a reassuring smile to instil a bit more confidence in her. It already sounds brilliant to him. "The past is gone... It went by like dusk to dawn... Isn't that the way? Everybody's got the dues in life to pay, yeah."
James hasn't heard the song before, but he finds himself bopping his head to the beat of it. It's interesting because just as he thinks he's gotten used to the speed of it, it slows down or speeds up suddenly. He doesn't understand how Lily can keep up with it, but she does. She carries on and she does it well. James is completely in awe of the way her fingers never slip once, even though making a mistake would be normal because she's still relatively new at all this. But she's Lily Evans, she doesn't make mistakes. She creates masterpieces, whether through her academic work, or her more creative hobbies, or even just by existing. Everything Lily does is always perfectly practiced and her hard work pays off each and every time.
"Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year... Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear... Sing with me, if it's just for today... Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away." The small crease that had formed between Lily's eyebrows smooths out, her shoulders settle where they were slowly crawling higher with tension, and the corner of her lips curl up into an almost imperceptible smile. "Dream on, dream on, dream on... Dream until the dream come true..."
Lily's voice remains quiet, like she still isn't self-assured enough to sing any louder quite yet, but James doesn't mind. Usually, her voice is soft, even when she's yelling at the boys for their pranks. However, even in it's almost whisper-like state, as the peaked parts of the song hit, Lily's voice takes on a sort of grumbly quality, one that matches the tone of her guitar riffs perfectly. James feels goose bumps break out all over his arms because Lily is really talented. It hits him then how proud he is of her, which might be strange considering all she is doing is playing him a song, but he knows how shy she can be, especially when it comes to her music, which is something that connects her to her father, whom she only speaks about on rare occasions. James knows her father would be proud of her now if he could see her.
"Sing with me, if it's just for today... Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away..."
The song begins to fade out and once the final strum of the guitar has finished it's cadence, Lily removes her eyes from the spot on the carpet they had settled on and looks at James warily.
It isn't a surprise to him that his first instinct is to lunge forward and hug her. He acts on it, careful not to disrupt the guitar on her lap. She must see it coming, because just as James wraps his arms around her shoulders, she moves the guitar onto the arm of the couch beside her so that it's out of their way. James hugs her head and presses as closer to her as he can.
"That was amazing, Lily. It was so- just- Oh Merlin, I am so proud of you and your dad would be, too. The talent you possess is inspiring. You need to stop being fantastic at everything and leave some talent for the rest of us," James rambles and then presses a dramatically loud kiss to her head. "Genuinely, you were brilliant."
"I've been working on it all month," Lily whispers. "I chose it because it makes me think of him."
"Your dad?"
"Yeah," Lily's voice quivers and James holds her just a bit tighter. "When he used to teach me songs years ago and I would tell him that I wanted to be a singer, he would tell me to keep dreaming because dreaming is just step one of getting where you want to end up. My mum always said it wasn't a profession for a- for a girl, that it was just a hobby, but my dad... he always believed in me."
"Well, your dad sounded like a very wise man," James utters, resting his chin on top of Lily's head. "He was right, you know. You can be anything you want to be."
"I... I want to be a musician," Lily whispers like it's a sin. "I know we were all joking about it last year, but I actually want to do it, James."
"So do it," James encourages, pulling away to look her in the eye. There's always been something about Lily's eyes that has made James' heart soar; they're greener than any he's seen before and are always filled with this determination to be and do great. Right now, they are covered in a layer of tears and there's fear there, something James has only seen on Lily's face a couple of times in the past. It's startling to watch such a powerful person show weakness; Lily Evans is anything but weak. "Be a musician, keep dreaming. You're Lily Evans, you can do anything."
Lily's bottom lip trembles. She leans forward back into James' chest, hiding away from the world for a moment. "I love you," she says just loud enough for James to hear.
"I love you, too."
Saturday - 7th December, 1974
November flies by just as October did and soon James finds himself counting down the days instead of the weeks until he goes home for the Christmas holidays. Winter has finally crawled up on them, bringing with it icy mornings and students bundled up in extra layers as they travel through the chilly, stone corridors.
James loves it. Mainly because it is the only time of year when Remus will let him borrow one of his jumpers, and Remus' jumpers feel like woven clouds of heaven strung together by the strings of an angel's lyre. James isn't being dramatic, just ask Sirius.
Another reason he loves it so much is because now, whenever he goes to the tower at night, Regulus is always wearing a hat to cover his ears and James finds it adorable. He's also got a matching scarf and gloves - the gloves, oddly enough, are almost identical to Sirius', which were made by Pandora.
November mainly consisted of constant Quidditch practices, which meant Frank and James would spend almost half-an-hour trying to get Sirius out of bed. Bracia isn't as much of a perfectionist as Darius was, but that doesn't mean she isn't a stern Captain. She has them running around the Quidditch pitch at half past five in the morning and doesn't let them stop, not even for a break, until quarter past six, which is when they get up in the air and go through drills. They are barely left any time at the end to have a shower before breakfast starts.
Ever since December rolled around, James has been grateful for all the extra running about because it's the only thing that gets him warm enough.
He's gone back to Godric's room with Lily a couple of times to listen to her practice new songs. It's become a routine for them now to go there every Sunday right after Potions club. They'll sit in there for a couple of hours and then they'll go off to find their friends. James likes the consistency of it. It gives him something to look forward to.
On the morning of the Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw Quidditch match, James wakes up extra early to make sure Sirius is up on time. It doesn't take very long to get him out of bed today, likely because there is an actual match to play instead of just practice. Frank is using the shower but James and Sirius both had ones last night and don't really see the point in having another one now when they will need one later when they are all sweaty and exerted from the match.
James is the first one ready, so it falls on him to wake up Remus and Peter. It is relatively easy to convince Remus to leave the comfort of his bed, probably because he promised Sirius yesterday that he would come and watch the game. However, it takes him almost twenty minutes to get Peter up, then they have to wait a further twenty minutes for him to get ready.
By the time they make it to the Great Hall, they barely have fifteen minutes to eat breakfast. Thankfully, the girls were already prepared for this and have made them each a plate of food which is waiting for them when they sit down. James doesn't eat much, always finding that it makes him feel sick when he eats right before a match. So, once he's finished, he pushes his plate away from himself and casts his gaze across the room.
He doesn't plan to, but he ends up looking at Regulus, who is sitting between Pandora and Scarlett Stark. James feels the usual spike of frustration at the sight of Scarlett. He still doesn't know why that happens, she has never done anything to him before and she's not a terrible lab partner in Potions. In fact, she's quite good at brewing, so James doesn't understand what his problem with her is. Only last week, he snapped at her in the middle of a lesson simply because she brought up how she was meeting up with Regulus once the lesson was over.
James has never been mean to people, it makes him uncomfortable to do so. The only times he ever let his anger get the better of him was when he told Harry he hated him and that was the last thing he ever said to him. Then, there was that time at the beginning of the year when he got such a strong desire to kill Regulus' mother that he had to literally flee. Other than those two times though, James is usually very good at controlling his anger. Or, at least, he thought he was until he met Scarlett Stark.
He doesn't know what's wrong with him.
Blinking out of his daze, he realises he's just been staring at the Slytherin table. Perhaps glaring is a better word for what he's been doing. He's attracted some attention, too, which only leads to his cheeks flaming red out of embarrassment. Scarlett and Regulus are both looking at him now - Scarlett with poorly concealed amusement and Regulus with a blank expression that faintly portrays confusion.
James drops his gaze to the table.
Just then, Fabian and Gideon drop down into the seats beside James and Marlene. They had made a promise last year that, even though they aren't on the team anymore, they would still be escorting them to every single game just like they always have done. It's sort of a tradition now and James can't imagine what it will be like next year when they leave Hogwarts completely.
They all walk down to the Quidditch pitch, following Bracia and Skylar as they do. Fabian and Gideon spend the entire walk there conspiring with Sirius and James about what prank they will be pulling next. They've pulled a few smaller ones over the last couple of months, but they haven't done anything drastic since September. It's been a bit more difficult to plan seeing as Peter and Sirius are always off with their boyfriends nowadays and Remus spends one half of his time moping over the fact that his girlfriend is in another country and the other half of his time studying in the library. That on top of the Animagi project... they've just not had a lot of time.
It hit James not very long ago that he is the only one of his roommates who is not in a relationship. He's fine with that, he is. He doesn't need to be in a relationship. It's just... James grew up surrounded by his parents' love and that doesn't just do nothing to a person. He is a romantic at heart. He would like to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. The only problem is, it wouldn't happen quickly. He would have to spend months getting to know the person first, then he would have to determine if he actually likes them like that or not. Sometimes, he just wishes he could fall for someone at first sight. He thinks, if he were like that, he probably would have fallen for Lily in first year. Or maybe he would have fallen for Mary in second.
Instead, he is hung up on a boy who he will never see again.
Yeah, he's been trying not to think about it too much.
Bracia goes through tactics in the Gryffindor team's area under the Quidditch stands and then ends her speech with Darius' classic, "Let's go put down some eagles."
As they mount their brooms and rise into the air, James notices a few new faces on the Ravenclaw team. Astro is no longer the only familiar person. Isadora Lincoln, one of Pandora's dormmates, is now on the team as the Seeker. Then, there's Gracie Hawkings on as one of the Beaters. She's one of Jess' friends and asked James out last year. He keeps trying to forget about that, but it's hard when she looks at him like she wants to ask him out again every time they are in the same room as each other. James doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Again.
The rest of the Ravenclaw team is the same as it was last year. The only team that had no new additions this year was the Slytherin team. Emmeline Vance has come on as the Hufflepuff Seeker this year, and Amelia Bones is one of the new Hufflepuff Beaters. They haven't had a game against Hufflepuff yet, so they don't know the strengths and weaknesses of the new players, just like how they don't know the strengths or weaknesses of the new Ravenclaw players.
The Quaffle is first possessed by Charleigh Edgecombe, one of the Ravenclaw Chasers. She is one of Azalia's cousins who she has never met because her family never bothered to care for her and left her in a Muggle orphanage instead. James wonders if it will be awkward playing against each other. He supposes they won't have to cross paths much since Azalia is a Seeker and Charleigh is a Chaser.
The game lasts just over two hours, the score remaining tantalisingly close throughout. Astro seems to have his head on straight this year. Last year, he'd been the reason why Ravenclaw was the first team out, always letting goals in. This year, however, he seems to be in top form as he pelts the Quaffle away from the posts countless times.
In the end, it becomes a race between Azalia and Isadora for the Snitch. Azalia is the one to spot it but, unfortunately, Isadora is closer and notices it just a couple of seconds later. Isadora manages to catch it first, which leads to Ravenclaw being one-hundred points ahead, deeming them the winners.
Sunday - 8th December, 1974
"Is James not up yet?"
"Frank, it's only seven in the morning."
"He's usually up long before now."
"You're telling me he's slept in longer than Peter has?"
"Hey!"
"Well, someone wake him up!" Comes Sirius' screeching voice. Grumbling, James rolls over onto his stomach and reaches for his glasses on his nightstand. Just then, Remus pulls back one of the curtains around James' bed and makes eye contact with him.
"I think you might have woken him up with all your shouting, Sirius," Remus chuckles before stepping back to give James the room to get out of his bed. He yawns, making his presence known. He frowns in bepuzzlement when he notices Sirius, Peter and Frank are all grouped together by the window.
James comes up behind them and glances out the window to see what they're all looking at.
The Hogwarts grounds are blanketed in a thick layer of snow, the trees of the Forbidden Forest glow white in the distance, twinkling like glitter. The lake has frozen, a large slab of ice melded over it, creating a solid surface for people to walk across if they so dare. In the distance, James can see a plume of smoke rising from Hagrid's hut. Students, early risers, scatter out across the grounds, looking like little dots of pepper invading a world of salt.
James thinks about the conversation he had with Regulus a couple of months ago. Regulus had said he has never made a snowman before, so James promised that as soon as it snowed this year he would take him out during one of their nightly meetings and they would make one together. He has the vague idea that they could also have a go at skating on the lake. James has never done it before, so he's sure he wouldn't be very good, but he is a quick learner.
"We should go outside," Sirius suggests, turning to look at James with a wide grin.
"I've got Potions club at ten," James says. When Sirius' bottom lip drops into a pout and his eyes significantly widen, James feels himself begin to fold. "Alright, I suppose we could go out for a couple of hours. You could always go without me, you know."
"And why, pray tell, would we ever want to do that?" Peter huffs.
"I'm going to send a note to the girls to let them know they should meet us in the common room in half-an-hour," Frank says as he scribbles something down onto a piece of paper and then folds it into a bird before sending it soaring out the window with a flick of his wand.
The boys then spend the next half an hour getting ready for the day, which means bundling themselves up in multiple of Remus' jumpers and shoving hats onto their heads and gloves on their hands. James is almost choked when Sirius slaps a scarf around his neck from behind. They put on their winter cloaks, which are thicker for exactly this type of weather, and they slip their snow boots onto their feet. Remus helps cast a snow-resistant spell on James' glasses, so that if it does start to snow again, the snow will just bounce off his glasses rather than smudging on them.
The girls are waiting for them by the portrait by the time the boys make their way down to the common room, also adorned in many layers of hats and scarves and jumpers of their own. Mary, who is wearing fluffy earmuffs, rushes over to James' side and tucks herself under his cloak to warm herself up. James wraps an arm around her as they leave the common room and make their way downstairs.
The snow reaches up to James' knees and soaks through his clothes almost instantly, but he doesn't care. Not long after they make it out of the courtyard, James is chasing Peter through the snow, leaving deep footprints in their wake.
They make a line of snow angels and James almost yelps when the snow melts through the back of his clothes. Sirius and Lily start a snowball fight by throwing them at the back of Remus' head, who freezes before turning around dangerously slow with narrowed eyes. Lily's eyes widen in response, but Sirius just smirks as if daring Remus to do something about it.
Remus, who had apparently been secretly rolling up a snowball of his own, flings his arm back and then forward, sending a large ball of snow right at Sirius' face. Lily is clever to duck out of the way. Sirius isn't so clever, nor lucky, so he ends up having snow all in his hair. Remus just smirks, clearly satisfied. Sirius, the dramatic git he is, squawks in offence before lunging himself forward and tackling Remus to the ground. They scramble together in the snow for a while and only stop when James, Peter and Azalia gang up on them and start pelting their bodies with more snowballs.
They spend most of the morning out there, throwing snowballs at each other and making snow Wizards. (Frank and Peter make a snow Dumbledore that actually resembles their headmaster quite well.) When they do finally return to the castle, they cast drying and warming charms on each other. Having missed breakfast, they head to the kitchens to pick up some food before James and Lily need to head off to Potions club.
When they get there, James finds Regulus already seated behind their table. He's wearing a school jumper today, it has the Slytherin crest emblazoned on it's left side and his initials R.A.B. on the right. He looks up as James approaches him and James watches as Regulus' eyes jump up to the hat on top of his head before slowly making their way down James' person. He feels himself redden at the attention and is quick to sit down on his chair. He sheds his cloak and scarf and lies them over the back of his stool. Then, he takes off his gloves and shoves them into his pocket, but he doesn't bother to remove his hat. His ears still feel a bit cold; warming charms only do so much.
He turns back to Regulus only to find him still examining him with his eyes.
"Good morning," James smiles as he shuffles closer to the table. He rests his forearms on the desk, getting comfortable since they still have about five minutes before Slughorn will come waddling through the door.
"Morning," Regulus replies. His eyebrows twitch into a frown, a crease forms between them. "Have you seriously been out playing in the snow already?"
"Haven't you?" James counters, still smiling.
"Well, considering I only woke up about half-an-hour ago," Regulus utters, staring down at his watch, "I haven't exactly had the time."
"No need to worry about that," James leans in closer to Regulus, resting his cheek against one of his hands. "We'll make time later."
"Are you still going to teach me how to make a snowman?" Regulus' eyes light up at the prospect, which only makes James want to wriggle in his seat. He doesn't, of course, but the urge is certainly there.
"Definitely. Then, I thought we could also go for a skate on the lake seeing as it's frozen over. I have no idea how to ice skate, of course, but I'm sure it isn't difficult."
"I don't know how either," Regulus mumbles.
"It's a good thing we both like a challenge then, isn't it?" James smirks. "So, you want to?"
"I want to," Regulus nods once. He side eyes James and there's the faintest hint of amusement that settles over his features. James thinks that anyone who doesn't know Regulus wouldn't recognise it or even notice it, but he does. "What?"
"What are you thinking about that's making you so amused?" James asks.
"I was just picturing you trying to ice skate and then falling on your face," Regulus responds honestly, unable to prevent the way his lips curl up into a mischievous smile. It makes James' own widen. "You aren't supposed to smile at that, too," Regulus says, lightly scolding.
"Sorry, I was just getting flashbacks of when you fell flat on your face when some people made all the floors in the school into ice last year." James can't help but bark out a laugh at the way Regulus' face immediately drops, unimpressed.
"That one wasn't funny," Regulus tuts, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Come on, Reg, I won't let it happen again," James promises, moving a tiny bit closer again. Regulus looks at him, still pouting slightly in that way that makes James want to scream.
"You won't?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"No," James shakes his head. "I'll catch you."
Regulus snorts out a laugh. "Yeah, right. You'd try and then end up falling right along with me instead." He's back to looking vaguely entertained.
"Oh, you're completely correct on that one, Reg. But doesn't it count for something that I would try?"
"Yes, I suppose. You're a Gryffindor, after all. Stupidly chivalrous," Regulus mumbles. "Alright, we can go skating, but don't go breaking your face on the ice." He points a finger directly in said face and James rears back slightly, eyes crossing as he stares at the end of Regulus' finger.
"I didn't realise you were so fond of my face," James presses a dramatic hand to his chest.
"I'm not. It's... fine."
"Aww, how touching," James chuckles before leaning back in his chair and taking a deep breath. He loves bantering with Regulus, but sometimes it leaves him feeling a bit winded. Luckily, Slughorn has just arrived, so he steals everyone's attention, which means James is given a couple of minutes to catch his breath.
Afterwards, James and Lily get lunch together in the kitchens and then go up to Godric's room, just as they have done every Sunday for the last few weeks. Lily shows James the final result of the song she's been practicing over their last couple of visits to the room. It's Teenage Wasteland by The Who and, of course, Lily plays it perfectly. They sit and talk for a little while once she's finished and she tells James she is staying at Hogwarts this year for Christmas, along with Peter and Azalia. James had sort of already guessed that Lily would. There is supposed to be a big storm brushing through over the entire UK during the holidays, so that is when the Animagi Group have decided they will work on the final step to becoming Animagi. Lily won't be able to do it whilst at home, so it makes sense that she would stay at Hogwarts to do it. James is glad Peter is staying, too, because it means they can do it together. James already has plans to stay at Sirius' for New Year's, which is when the storm is due to hit the south of England.
They talk about what animals they think they will be. Lily is convinced she will be a sheep, which only makes James laugh. While sheep are known to be intelligent, they are also viewed as harmless prey and James knows for a fact that Lily Evans is nothing of the sort. She is one of the most powerful, strongest people he knows. He's half convinced she is going to be a dragon, actually.
"James, it is almost impossible for someone's Animagus to be a magical creature," Lily informs him with a raise of her eyebrows. "Besides, if my Animagus does end up being a dragon, I won't help very much during the full moons, will I? Imagine a massive dragon trying to fit in the shack. It just won't work."
"Yeah, you've got a point," James sighs. "I wonder what I'll be. Probably a mouse or something rodent-y."
"You're joking, right?"
"What?" James blinks.
"You aren't going to be a mouse, James," Lily announces this like it's a fact, punctuating her point by shoving him lightly in the shoulder. "You're existence is so..." she flourishes her hands about as if that will help James understand what she means, "much. In a good way. Your existence is loud. If anyone is going to be a dragon, it's going to be you."
"Doubt it," James mutters, frowning down at his hands. "Okay, maybe I'll be a cat."
"No, you are far too hyper to be a cat," Lily shakes her head dismissively. "You'll probably be a horse or something similar."
"Now that would be cool," James beams, staring up at the ceiling. They are lying on the duelling stage now, shoulder-to-shoulder. James has his hands crossed together on his chest, while Lily has hers folded beneath her head.
"Sirius is probably going to be a shrew or something just as lively," Lily says, making James snicker at the thought of Sirius being a tiny shrew.
"Peter will end up as bear because they're cuddly," James nods resolutely. "What happens if one of us ends up being a fish or something that can't be on land?"
"Oh, that would be Sirius," Lily points out. "He is freakishly good at swimming. If that is the case then we'll have to buy a fishbowl," she says seriously. They both burst out laughing and it echoes in the otherwise silent room.
James and Regulus use the invisibility cloak to travel down to the ground floor and make their way out of the entrance of the castle. They slip a couple of times on some patches of ice, but are always saved by the other before they go tumbling to the ground and make any noise. It isn't long before they are down by the lake. There are a few snowed over foot indents leftover from students that must have been out here earlier, but it's snowed again since then, so they're almost completely gone.
"Right, the trick to building a good snowman is to start off with a small snowball and then roll it along the ground and gather more snow to make it bigger. That's it, really," James shrugs, kneeling to fetch a snowball. Regulus does the same and, together, they start making the base of their snowman. James lets Regulus do most of it, since he's never done it before, which still baffles him. It just goes to show how terrible his childhood must have been.
"What's next?" Regulus asks once James agrees the base is big enough. Regulus has his hands on his hips as he peers down at the bottom of his snowman. For some reason, this makes James laugh. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing. You just look... Nothing." He steps forward and starts creating another snowball. "Basically, you now have to do the same thing, but this time you need to pick it up once you've finished and you need to place it on top of the first one."
Regulus gets to work on the mid-section of the snowman and James is the one who ends up lifting it up off the ground because Regulus is too afraid that he'll break it. They then create the head and James has Regulus go off to search for some rocks and a couple of twigs. They decorate the face, giving it a smile and some eyes. Then, they stuff some sticks into it's mid-section, giving it arms.
Stepping back to admire it, Regulus frowns and cocks his head. "Shouldn't it have a nose?"
"Oh, crap, yeah," James groans. "We need a carrot."
"We need... a carrot?" Regulus echoes, staring at James like he's lost his mind.
"Yes, it's what everyone does. I actually have no idea why but Harry did it all the time when we were little, so it's probably a Muggle thing," James rambles as he aimlessly searches their surroundings for something he could use. "Aha!" He picks up a small log that must have fallen from the nearby oak tree earlier on. Pointing his wand at it, James transfigures it into a carrot before holding it out for Regulus to take.
"And what do you expect me to do with that, Potter?" He asks, face blank.
"I'm allowing you to do the honours of gifting our snowman with a nose. Everyone deserves a nose."
Regulus waits another minute before slowly taking the carrot, like he's uncertain. He ambles up to the snowman and presses the carrot into it's face, before stepping back and standing next to James.
"See? It looks better now," James points out, lifting both of his hands like he is presenting it to Regulus. However, Regulus only continues to frown.
"There's still something missing..." He turns to look at James and then back at the snowman and then to James once more. Regulus reaches out to extract the hat from James' head, it's a burgundy one that his mother made for him a couple of winters ago. There's a bobble on the end of it that hops about whenever James is walking. Regulus, now with the hat in his hand, walks towards the snowman and then places the hat upon it's head. "That's better," he grins at James over his shoulder.
"It is a very nice snowman, Reg. Well done."
"We did it together," Regulus states. "This is our snowman."
"The best one out there. All the other snowmen and women will be jealous."
"Oh, absolutely," Regulus nods seriously.
"Should we go for a skate then?" James asks, turning to look at the lake. The ice is solid enough, James knows this because he saw a few students skating across it earlier this morning.
"If we must," Regulus sighs.
"We don't have to-"
"We're going, James," Regulus interrupts him by taking his hand and dragging him through the snow towards the lake. Just before they reach it, they transfigure their shoes into skates. James is the first to actually step onto the lake, insisting that he check it's safe before Regulus so much as touches it, which earns him an eyeroll.
James stands with his arms darted out widely like he is trying to catch his balance, which he sort of is because he is afraid he is going to lose it at any moment now. His back is slightly arched and his legs are bent at the knees.
"Are you coming?"
Regulus stares down at the iced lake like he's uncertain but then he looks up at James and something behind his eyes resolves. He steps onto the ice with one foot and then the other, almost slipping but just managing to catch himself. James edges forward, his arms are still stretched out around him, but now they sort of gravitate towards Regulus, as if ready to catch him if he falls.
"Come on, we can do this together," James promises, reaching out to take Regulus' gloved hand in his own. Regulus' grip is very tight, but James ignores the twinge of pain he feels in his bones and focuses on not falling onto his face.
"I've seen Dorcas do this before," Regulus bites his lip anxiously, staring down at his feet. "I think you're supposed to glide into it and then just sort of step. It's like walking but your steps are longer. I think."
"Alright, let's try it," James says. At the same time, he and Regulus both push their right feet forward and it gives them enough momentum to start gliding across the ice. It doesn't take them very long to realise that dropping their left feet is more instinctive than it is a conscious decision, so James begins to worry less about accidentally skating too far with one leg whilst leaving the other behind. If he's being truthful, that is a fear of his, but he's been keeping it to himself because he doesn't want to frighten Regulus.
"We're doing it," Regulus proclaims breathlessly. James' eyes jump up from his feet to Regulus' face and he finds the other boy beaming, his eyes crinkled in the corners and cheeks bright with a warm blush.
"Yeah, we are. Do you want to try and see if we can do it on our own?" James questions, noticing how Regulus' grip is no longer strangling his hand.
"Okay," Regulus agrees before letting go and pushing forward. James watches as he flies speedily away and it sort of makes him think of Quidditch. This feels like flying, in a way. Especially when they have enough momentum to not have to push with their feet. Then they are just sort of soaring away, the wind whipping them in the face.
Regulus does a little semi-circle and starts moving back towards James. Unfortunately, neither of them quite manage to calculate the trajectory to which Regulus is travelling in time. So, when Regulus makes it to James, he has them both tumbling to the ground. James makes sure to loop his arms around Regulus, so he'll land on James instead of the ice. James, however, does not have anyone to land on but the ice, so he gets the full brunt of the fall.
They land with an oomph and James winces as Regulus falls right on top of him.
"Oh, shit. I'm sorry- I'm so sorry, James. Merlin, are you okay? I didn't-"
"Regulus, it's okay. I'm fine," James chuckles, staring up at him. Regulus' eyebrows are drawn together in worry, his eyes full of concern. James reaches up a hand to cradle his cheek. "I'm okay."
Regulus groans and drops his head to James' chest, lightly banging his forehead against it a few times. "This is so embarrassing for me."
"It would be were you here with anyone else," James utters, gently pushing Regulus' cheek to gesture that he look up at him. Regulus does, but he still doesn't look very relieved. "But it's just me." James smiles simply at him.
"It's just you," Regulus breathes out and James feels as the boy's chest expands on an inhale. Their eyes meet and James' breath stutters as it catches in the back of his throat. Regulus' cheeks are painted with a pale blush that matches the redness at the tip of his nose, likely from the cold weather. His eyes are, once again, hooded and his thick eyelashes are so thick that partially shroud his eyes from view. James' hand still rests tentatively against Regulus' cheek.
Snow begins to fall down around them, coming suddenly and dropping heavily to the ice. James blinks up at the sky, breaking their eye contact, and feeling as Regulus slips away from him when he does. He feels a loss fill him but his attention is soon stolen when Regulus reaches out a hand for him to take. He does and Regulus helps to lift him up off the ice.
They both look up at the sky and watch as the snow continues to tumble down around them.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Remus whenever his heart starts to race: oh, I probably shouldn't smoke so much at fourteen. probably bad for my health. Then there's me who's just like: yes, Remus, it's the smoking 🙄 He's supposed to be smarter than this..
-Mary being an absolute Queen and defending Sirius and Jess 💪💪
-Remus' POV is quite short this chapter because James just had more to say.
-James: what are those things called that scare off crows?
Me: -_-
-I love the idea of the Slytherins and the Gryffindors hanging out for a night just so they can all have fun. I feel like this isn't written a lot because people always focus on the rivalry between the two houses, so I just wanted to add a little something in here :)
-I love the way James describes Regulus. He genuinely believes Regulus' mere existence is a piece of art. They're so cute, I can't 😖😖
-soooo jegulus did almost kiss. will they realise this? not really. they are both aware that something almost happened, but neither of them know what because they are far too oblivious. however, this does mean that we are getting close :D
-You guys don't understand how much I ADORE James and Lily's friendship. I love jily, but I value them so much as friends, too. They're so cute, always boosting each other up when the other is down :(
-I love that Scarlett is just waiting for James or Regulus to hurry up and make a move, whilst the entire school literally still think she is actually with Regulus.
-Lily and Sirius ganging up on Remus to pelt him with snowballs is hilarious to me. Also, Sirius and Remus wrestling in the snow is so gay. they're idiots 😭
-James just offhandedly mentioning Harry without thinking about his death for once just goes to show how much being at Hogwarts has improved his mental state, but also how much he trusts Regulus to just be able to talk about Harry in front of him... he's come such a long way :(
-"Everyone deserves a nose" except for Voldemort ofc hehe
-The end of this chapter is my favourite part. I love the idea of Regulus having never built a snowman and then getting to build one with James because he's showing him all the good in the world. Then, the ice skating part. AHHH they were so me when I ice skated for the first time. I was, surprisingly, not terrible at it, but I think that's because I'm quite good on regular skates (the ones with wheels). I did, however, fall just as Regulus did... unfortunately, it was not on top of a James Potter.I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for all the support on this fic, we've just hit 25,000 hits 😮 I appreciate every single one of you so much. The next few chapters are going to be very interesting, so there's something to look forward to. Also, happy Spooky Season!! See you next week <3
Chapter 49: Fourth Year: The Understanding
Summary:
Secret Santa! Regulus learns something new. Evan has a breakdown. Christmas! Sirius finds out a secret about the Black family.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-a character asks a few questions about what being queer is, they do use questions like "is it normal? is it natural?" etc. but they are not intentionally trying to be offensive. I'm just putting this warning here in case it makes anyone uncomfortable, but the questions are all answered very maturely and non-judgementally :)
-mention of unwanted arranged marriage
-mention of vomit/headaches/hangovers
-smidge of angst
-someone comes out to their parents (it goes very well)
-abandonment issues (a.k.a. daddy issues)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You were born reaching for your mother's hands
Victim of your father's plans to rule the world
Too afraid to step outside
Paranoid and petrified of what you've heard
~ Billie Eilish
Monday - 10th December, 1974
Regulus
On the first morning of the penultimate week before the Christmas holidays arrive, every member of the Slug Club receive a second mysterious letter of the year. Regulus sort of expected this to happen, just as it did the year before. However, where he was expecting an invitation to some Christmas celebration party in Slughorn's chambers, there were instead instructions.
Dear Slug Club Member!
This year I shall not be hosting a gathering in my dungeons as I have the last few years because my chambers are still recovering from the Halloween celebration from a couple of months ago. In it's place, I have selected a fun Christmas activity for each of you to take part in! (It is compulsory.) Below you will find the name of a student of whom is in your year group, another member of the Slug Club. You are expected to purchase this student a surprise present and then give it to them before they figure out who their Secret Santa is.
If you find it difficult to approach your gift receiver, leave the package in my office and I shall send it to the correct owner.
Happy Christmas and Merry Winter Solstice!
H. Slughorn
The student of whom you are to buy a present for: Astro Sayre
Regulus feels as his features twist with bewilderment; he turns the parchment over, but finds nothing further. With a small, exasperated sigh, Regulus folds the letter back up and stuffs it into it's envelope before pushing it into the pocket of his robes. Barty, Scarlett and Pandora all got the same letters; Scarlett appears to be bothered by her letter, so Regulus assumes she got someone she doesn't like; Barty just looks puzzled, like he isn't quite sure what the letter entails, even though he's clearly already read the entire thing; Pandora is glancing around the table with a delighted smile.
"I assume you got Evans then?" Regulus asks, turning to her, raising a tired eyebrow.
"Actually, I got James," Pandora responds, her grin widening. Regulus' mundane expression morphs into one of intrigue, as well as surprise. Pandora takes notice of this and chuckles fondly at him. "He's my friend, too, you know."
Regulus feels himself still. Obviously, he already knew Pandora was aware of his secret friendship with James, but they hadn't actually spoken about it before. Not really. Pandora had hinted to it a lot at the beginning of last year when Regulus was first accepting James during the early days of their cohabitation of the Astronomy tower, but Pandora had never outright mentioned anything. Especially not in front of all of their friends.
Luckily, the rest of their friends take "he's my friend, too" to mean James is Pandora's friend just as well as Lily is. Still, Pandora knows what she was doing if the cheeky smirk she sneakily sends him is anything to go by. Regulus lets himself relax and turns to Barty, who tells him he got Xenophilius Lovegood as his "gift receiver". Not terrible, considering the rest of their options.
It isn't until he asks Scarlett who she got that he actually grimaces at the answer he is given.
"Tonks?" Regulus echoes, just to make sure he heard her correctly. Scarlett nods rigidly and it is obvious she doesn't feel particularly inclined to spend her money on Tonks, of all people. In fact, she looks quite pissed off by the idea. "What's wrong with him?"
"I can't believe you, out of all of us, are the one asking that question, Regulus," Evan voices, pointedly raising his eyebrow in Regulus' direction.
"Well, I have reason to dislike him. As far as I am concerned, he's never done anything to Scarlett," Regulus responds amicably, primly raising his chin as if to physically present his, somewhat petty, maturity to the rest of them.
"I have many reasons to dislike him, actually," Scarlett responds evenly. She starts to list out reasons, pointing to each finger on one of her hands as she does. "He is obnoxiously loud. He and his friends pull outlandish pranks on our house as often as they can because they are all childish," she glances at Evan, Barty and Regulus, pointing them out individually as she says this (she knows how they retaliate whenever they feel a prank caused by the Gryffindor boys has gone too far for their liking). "Then, there is the fact that Sirius Tonks is horrid to you, unrightfully so, if you ask me. His dislike for you was bred from something untrue, correct?" When Regulus nods, she carries on, satisfied. "Exactly. He's a judgemental imbecile."
They each stare at Scarlett with a mixture of awe and shock; it isn't common that she goes on tangents about things other than the poor politics of creatures' rights, or a subject very similar. It just goes to show how passionately she really does not like Sirius Tonks. And to know it is sort of in honour of Regulus? That was unexpected. Regulus knows Scarlett has grown fond of him over the years, as fond as one can become to one's unbidden betrothed, he just hadn't fully understood the extent to which she respected and regarded him. Not until now, at least.
"Marry her," Barty blurts out, turning to Regulus with wide eyes.
"He's already working on that one, Junior," Dorcas snickers, winking at Regulus and nudging Scarlett with her elbow, who does not look like she appreciates the way it ruffles her. Her cheeks redden with what looks like poorly contained aversion at the contact. She still isn't quite used to friendly affection. She is a bit better when it comes to Dorcas and Pandora, as well as Regulus (although that probably has something to do with their obligatory closeness that was pushed upon them as soon as they met, more than because she chose to get comfortable with it). Evan isn't one to dish out physical touch, sort of like Regulus, he doesn't always enjoy contact with other people. Then, there's Barty, who Scarlett both loathes and is fond of - but it is clear that the portion of her who loathes the boy is also the portion that shuns away any physical contact with him.
Fair enough. Barty can be very touchy when he wants to be. Regulus had to verbally set boundaries back in first year just to ensure Barty wouldn't go about tackling him in the corridor like he did with Evan (who was apposed to all unexpected touch, except when it came from Barty or his sister) or dragging him into rib-breaking hugs like he tended to do with Dorcas.
Regulus shares a secretive look with Scarlett. They haven't announced the disingenuousness of their relationship to their friends yet. Scarlett already gave him permission to be the one to break the news - or plan, as this has been their intention from the very start. Regulus hasn't really gotten around to it yet. November was a busy month; Regulus spent the first half of it stuck in his own head about the odd interaction he had with James at the Gryffindor's Halloween party. He can't quite pinpoint what about it felt strange because he was drunk at the time, so the memory of the night is a bit fuzzy. However, he does remember feeling uncomfortable once he returned to his friends, and there was a lingering feeling in his stomach that he's felt plenty of times in the past, only this time it was different. Shame. He still doesn't know what caused it, no matter how much he thinks about it, but he knows that is what he felt.
After James confronted him about his unobtrusive behaviour, Regulus felt a lot better about it. James has been great about it ever since and has respected Regulus' boundaries in letting him find his way back to the usual comfort he felt around James. The middle of November was quite full with events, too; Dorcas turned fifteen and so they had a small party for her in the boys' dormitory, which ended with a sleepover (Scarlett ended up transfiguring one of Regulus' pillow into a thin mattress for her and Dorcas to share and Dorcas made a comment about how she was glad she no longer had to share a bed with Barty when she came here for sleepovers; this had Barty squawking in offence until Pandora offered to sleep in his bed with him, which then had Evan grumbling over the fact that Pandora was willingly getting into bed with Barty, who both had a girlfriend and was now known for the crude activities he got up to with girls; Pandora had settled her brother's worries by announcing that Barty was like a brother to her, which seemed to satisfy Barty and only tire Evan).
Regulus also had constant early Quidditch practices throughout the month of November, suspiciously always right after the Gryffindors' practice. At first, Regulus thought this was because Calvin was attempting to spy on the team and discover their tactics. However, it didn't take him (and when he says him, he means Barty) very long to realise that what really sparked Calvin's interest was the new Gryffindor Captain - Bracia Matthews.
November ended with a disappointment. Regulus and Scarlett finally found the free time between their school work, Regulus' Quidditch practice schedule, and their other obligations to research into the Hufflepuff students that attended the school when Andromeda did. They only found four Teds; two of them were in their seventh year when Andromeda was in her third, so Regulus assumed neither of them would have caught her eye during her years at Hogwarts; the third was a couple of years above her, someone called Ted Nelson (Regulus was sure there was a Nelson on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team and it wasn't a Pureblood name, so it was a possibility); the final Ted they found was a Pureblood, so they immediately ruled him out.
Ted Nelson was their only lead and so they spent the weekend at the very beginning of December researching the Muggleborn Wizard, only to discover his husband, not wife, was not called Andromeda, but was actually called Atski Nelson (née Reddock). Regulus hadn't been aware that same sex marriages were legal or even... a thing. He'd never really thought about it before then, not because he opposed it or had any strong opinions against it, but because it had simply... never come up. He is sure it would be something his mother would disapprove of, whether because of the fact that it is two people of the same gender or because that would mean being unable to produce any heirs for their families.
It was a revelation big enough that it completely distracted Regulus from the fact that his search for Andromeda had hit yet another dead end. He hadn't spoken to Scarlett about what it was, men being with other men he means, because he was embarrassed to ask. Was it something other people were familiar with? Was it something you weren't supposed to talk about? Was it allowed? It must be if it happens, he thought.
It's been playing on his mind for over a week now and he has no idea why his mind is snagging on it. Perhaps it's because it is new information that he's never had access to before. Regulus has always been a curious individual. But where is he supposed to read up on this? He doesn't know if it would be appropriate to approach his friends about. The idea of inquiring about it to them and having them tell him he shouldn't be talking about it because it isn't the normal way people get together makes his stomach twist sickeningly for some reason. Surely, it can't be so bad, right? If people willingly do it then there must be something about it that's normal - accepted.
Regulus doesn't really know who to ask about it, not until he is in the library, discreetly searching for books on the subject, and finds James instead. James, who is sitting at a round table in the darkest corner of the library - something unusual for James who prefers well-lit areas where his friends can spot him if they find themselves in the library, too - reading a book under the table. This instantly sparks Regulus' curiosity to life.
Checking first that there are no other students around (there isn't; this part of the library looks as unused as it is unkempt, with cobwebs lacing their way up the shelves and dressing the books up like Slughorn's atrocious Halloween decorations), Regulus silently walks up to James and bends over, peering over the boy's shoulder. He still hasn't been noticed yet. He glances down at the book in James' hand and reads the chapter title of whatever it is he is reading: Soul Connections and How They Relate To Your Magical Core.
"Well, that sounds sappy," Regulus huffs. He leans back expertly as James jumps, his shoulder jumping up right where Regulus' chin was only a second before; he would have been knocked in the face had he not anticipated James' reaction beforehand. He smirks down at James' wide-eyed expression. "Not that I expected anything else, you Gryffindor."
"Fuck me, Reg," James sighs out, catching his breath. He holds a hand against his chest and presses his eyes shut behind his glasses. Once he's evidently retrieved his ability to breathe at a normal pace, he opens his eyes and looks up at Regulus softly. "You shouldn't do that, I could have had a heart attack."
"You're so dramatic," Regulus rolls his eyes and unceremoniously plops down into the seat beside James. He doesn't regularly act so casual when in public, but it's only James who can see him here now, so he doesn't really care. "What are you reading? Also, why are you hiding?"
"I'm not hiding," James frowns. Regulus notices James carefully does not answer the first question Regulus posed to him, but he doesn't ask it again. If James wanted to answer it, he would have. He's a very open person about some things, usually whatever he is comfortable sharing, which is more than one would expect from another person. However, if James is hiding something, it tends to be because he is uncomfortable sharing it at the present time; he always hides the big things.
"Mm," Regulus hums, bending forward to rest his chin in the palm of his hand. "So, you're just waiting in the dingiest corner of the library for Evans then?"
"Lily? No." James squints his eyes at Regulus sceptically. "I came here for some private time. Why would I be bringing Lily here? Also, what are you doing in the dingiest corner of the library?"
If James can avoid questions, then Regulus can, too. So, he deftly skips the one about Evans because the thought of it makes the wispy hairs on his forearms stand up straight.
"I'm here because... I..." Regulus frowns.
"Because?" James presses. He must sense something in Regulus' expression because the next thing Regulus knows, James is resting his hand over Regulus', the one sitting in his lap. "You don't have to tell me, but if you want to, you can."
"Alright," Regulus blows a curl out of his face, "It's not that deep, Potter. I'm just... I'm here to find a book about... a man that marries another man. I don't really know much on the subject, whether it's acceptable or not. I only came across the subject a week or so ago, I had no idea it was something that happened until then. I'm just curious, I guess."
"I can help you with it, if you'd like," James offers with a kind smile. "I know a few people who prefer the company of the same gender as themselves."
"Really? So it's... normal then?" Regulus asks cautiously. He isn't really sure how to steer a conversation like this, it's all so new to him and he doesn't want to say something that will have James getting angry at him.
"As normal as a boy and a girl being together," James responds patiently when he notices Regulus' cluelessness. "My mother once told me love is love. If you think of it like that, the ignorant discrimination demanding it's wrong loses all plausibility."
"But isn't it supposed to be the way it is? Boys are supposed to be with girls, aren't they? I mean, it's... it's natural. How else are they supposed to have children? I suppose if they don't want children, then it could work, but what if they do?"
"There are plenty of other ways to have children, Regulus, that aren't the quote-on-quote natural way," James lifts a hand, not the one still squeezing Regulus' own, to make speech marks in the air. "The word natural in this instance has been misused in the most contradictory way possible. What is 'natural ' and 'expected ' in society is what people- bigoted people have come up with. How is that natural? It isn't, it's superficial, it's humanmade. Natural implies that something came across on it's own accord, which is sort of how love works, isn't it? If you look at it that way, which in my opinion is the only right way to look at it, what's 'natural ' is loving whomever you please. Well, whomever your heart pleases."
"Does it happen often?" Regulus shuffles closer, sitting on the edge of his chair. There's something inside of him that is hungry for this knowledge, that is revelling in the information James is handing to him on a silver platter. There's something filling about it, something that feels like Regulus is tasting water for the first time after thirsting for it for a decade.
"As often as boys and girls get together, I think," James shrugs. There's a crease between his eyebrows that tells Regulus this might not entirely be the truth. "A lot of people are quite horrible about it because they don't understand it or they don't even try to understand it, so less people are public about it. However, there are some people who simply do not care what others think or say about them and they flaunt their love just as any straight couple would."
"Straight couple?" Regulus repeats in a questioning tone.
"That means a relationship between two people of different genders," James explains.
"Oh, okay." Regulus' face scrunches as he tries to process all of this new information. James is talking about it as if it's something he's been learning about his entire life, whilst Regulus was existing in ignorance about the entire thing. He meets James' eyes once again. "How do you know so much about this?"
"Like I said, a few people I know are gay or queer in some way," James replies, his voice still holds that tender patience that it's had throughout this entire conversation.
"Is gay... what does gay mean?"
"Wow, you really are clueless, aren't you?" James tilts his head, examining Regulus like he is a very interesting plant James just happened upon in the forest. "Gay means you only like people that are the same gender as you are. There are some people who enjoy the company of both genders, and some who only enjoy falling in love once they have already known the person for a long enough time. There are others, too, I'm sure, but I'm not as well educated as I may appear to be. Not yet, at least."
"If it isn't rude, can I ask? Who do you know who is- what was the word you used? Queer?" James nods in response, urging Regulus to carry on his rambling. "Okay, uhm. Who do you know who's queer?"
"Well, a few of my friends. I'm not allowed to say some of them-"
"Not allowed?"
"It's considered extremely offensive to out someone against their will. So, if you ever find out someone is queer, don't tell anyone else unless the person who is queer has given you permission to. It isn't fair to be outed against your will," James explains.
"Right," Regulus nods, adding this to his mental box of information. "Carry on. Sorry."
"It's okay," James sends him a quick smile. "There are two of my friends who are openly gay and won't mind if I tell you. They've been on a few dates to Hogsmeade, so you might have seen them together, actually. Sirius and Jess Bell."
"I haven't noticed them together before. I usually tend to look away whenever I see Sirius," Regulus admits bashfully.
James chuckles gently. "Probably for the best, honestly. You two will never get on, I swear." James shakes his head and there's a hint of sadness in the movement that Regulus didn't expect to see. He wasn't aware that James was... what? Hoping Regulus would one day become friends, or at least be amicable, with Tonks.
"So, is he gay or is he another type of queer?"
"Sirius is gay, but his boyfriend Jess is bisexual, which is when you are attracted to anyone, no matter their gender."
"Okay," Regulus replies, not sure what else to say. "I haven't offended anyone with my questions, have I?"
"No," James laughs warmly, it sounds like how honey tastes. "You're allowed to be curious. It's a good thing you decided to research about it rather than just going around naïve to it all. It's something that should be normalised in society. Kingsley has already announced that when he gets his seat in the Wizengamot he is going to try and place a rule for it. The only issue is trying to get those other Pureblood cretins to agree with him." There's a subtle growl to James' voice that lets Regulus know just how important the subject is to him.
"I'm not sure I understand it all yet," Regulus discloses shyly. "But I'd like to try, especially if it's important to you. Maybe, one day, I could even help Shacklebolt in the Wizengamot. People tend to follow my name like a heard of thestrals. I would like to use my future position in a better way than my father has. He's..." Regulus sighs. "He means well, he really does, and he's not like his father or grandfather were. Still, he's sort of controlled by my mother and she's..."
"I know," James smiles understandingly.
"I don't want to be like that," Regulus proclaims confidently. "I... I want to be good."
"You will be," James promises, shaking Regulus' hand a bit with his own. "I know you will be. Besides, Scarlett doesn't seem anything like your mother. She's bat-shit crazy about the rights of house-elves, right? Well, then I'm sure she'll be persuaded into supporting this as well."
"Yeah, she's great," Regulus smiles and it's all fake. Scarlett is great, that's true, but she will never be his wife. Regulus might end up with someone just as tyrannous as his mother, someone who controls him as his mother controls his father. He doesn't want that and he hopes he won't have to be forced into that after Scarlett eventually, inevitably, leaves.
When he looks back up at James, he finds the boy's smile has tightened significantly, like he's fighting to keep it on his face.
"So," Regulus nudges James' hand. "Who did you get for Secret Santa?"
A grin breaks out across James' face. "Kingsley, actually. I've decided to get him some new quills. He's always jotting stuff down, already a politician in the making, I think. Who did you get?"
"Astro Sayre," Regulus sighs. "I know nothing about the boy. He's quite... reserved. I was thinking I'd just buy him some sugar quills or something."
"He likes chocolate," James comments helpfully. "He's very nice when you get him talking, too. I think you two would get along. You're right, he is reserved, but in a way similar to how you hide your true self away in public."
"I probably would get along with him," Regulus agrees with a pained smile, "but my mother would never allow me to be his friend because he's a Muggleborn."
"He's a Half-Blood, I'm pretty sure, but he was raised alone by his mother who is a Muggle," James says. "Besides, that shouldn't stop you. You're friends with me even though your mother would never approve."
Regulus smirks and leans closer across the table, flicking James' hand where it still rests near his in his lap. "Yes, well, you're a special case."
"I'm special, am I?" James grins.
"That's one word for it," Regulus rolls his eyes, but it loses it's touch as he fails to supress a smile.
After running into James at the library, Regulus makes a quick stop to Myrtle's bathroom to update her on his search for Andromeda. He's been meaning to drop in for a while now, but has found his mind quite preoccupied as of late. He informs her that Ted was a dead end and Myrtle offers to ask around, which Regulus politely thanks her for before departing the abandoned bathroom and heading for dinner.
Dinner slips by quickly and soon he is back in his dormitory with his friends; Barty is sprawled out across Evan's bed with Pandora cross-legged beside his hip; Evan, noticing this, rolls his eyes and stomps over to Barty's bed before dropping down onto it carelessly; Dorcas smiles sympathetically at him, watching Evan like he's fragile, and makes her way over to sit next to him, their knees knocking together.
Regulus and Scarlett both perch on the edge of his mattress, facing the rest of their friends. Regulus sort of expects what comes next.
"Ah, ah, ah, Mr Black. If you're courting a lady, you shouldn't allow her into your bed until the eve of the bonding ceremony," Barty winks, a devilish grin curls at his lips as he rests his head in his palms.
"I'm not sure you have the right to judge who anyone does or doesn't let into their bed, Bartemius," Evan grumbles from across the room.
Barty scowls and sends Evan a glare so heated, Regulus is surprised he doesn't set Evan aflame. "Alright, I've had enough. You keep saying shit like that, you have been for months. What is your problem, Ev?"
Evan's guarded expression softens slightly at the use of the nickname that has only ever been used by Barty. Picking at something on Barty's sheets, Evan mumbles, "I don't have a problem, Barty. You're- it's fine. You can do whatever you want. It's just... sometimes, we don't need to know every single detail. Okay?" He lifts his gaze from the bed and directs it at Barty.
"Okay," Barty agrees with a brief nod. "Could I just say one thing then? Good news, I'm going to Mary's for Christmas, so I won't have to go home this year."
Evan's shoulders stiffen at this but his eyes remain warm. "That's really good, Barty."
"Thanks." Barty's legs flutter slightly where they are raised in the air behind him. "Anyway," Barty slaps on a wide grin, "back to the sweethearts-"
"Stop calling us that," Regulus tuts, reaching up to run a hand down his face. "It's- we're not-" Frowning, he turns to Scarlett, who is watching him with earnest eyes. She nods ever so slightly and Regulus takes it as her sign that it's okay for him to say whatever he feels he needs to say next.
"What is it, Reggie?" Dorcas asks gently. She never calls him that, not unless she's worried about him. Usually, the nickname is only reserved for Pandora, who uses it on a much more frequent basis.
With a heavy sigh, Regulus brings his attention back to his friends. "Scarlett and I aren't together."
"What?" Barty jumps up off Evan's bed and stands idly beside it like he isn't sure where he is supposed to be going. "Did you break up?"
Regulus takes in the rest of his friends' expressions and is startled to find that Barty is the only one who seems to be surprised by his confession. Dorcas just appears to be curious, but not in the same way she is when she's struggling in Herbology, it's more attune to the way she looks when she knows the answer to something but doesn't know how to get to the answer, like the route is invisible to her. Evan simply seems to be observing the conversation like he's watching a play, a play he's seen before. He knows the lines that comes next, where each character are going to stand on the stage, and he's just awaiting for the entertainment to resume. Then, there's Pandora, who already knows about the fake factor of his relationship with Scarlett because she knows everything. She's watching the proceedings with keen interest reflecting in her calm eyes.
"We were never together," Regulus responds. When Barty's expression only grows more confused, Regulus elaborates. "Our parents think we are engaged, but we aren't actually. Neither of us want to be... together. We're just friends."
"So, you're mutually deceiving your parents?" Barty blinks. Regulus nods in response.
"I'm assuming this was Scarlett's idea," Dorcas says, the slight ring of a laugh in her voice. "No offence, Regulus, but I can't see you convincing Scarlett to do something like this. Plus, she's good at coming up with plans to get what she wants."
"You are correct. It was my idea," Scarlett responds, preening slightly at the compliment.
"How much longer do you think you'll both keep this up?" Evan questions; it's the first time he's spoken since the topic arose.
Regulus looks at Scarlett for guidance because he actually has no idea how long this will last. Scarlett shuffles uncomfortably where she is sitting and delicately clears her throat.
"My plan is to keep it up until Regulus' seventeenth birthday, so his mother won't have the authority to force him into another arranged marriage he doesn't want, since he will be of age by then," Scarlett explains. She twiddles her thumbs in her lap and Regulus immediately recognises it as a sign of anxiety. Scarlett is subtle through how she presents her emotions, just as Regulus is. They were both raised in environments where they were better seen and not heard. But Regulus knows her by now, he knows when she's hiding something, something that's making her nervous.
"What is it?" Regulus asks softly.
"Nothing," Scarlett meets his eyes and smiles slightly. "The plan is working and has been for years now. It will be alright."
Regulus gets the sense she is trying to convince herself of that statement more than she is the rest of them or, more specifically, him. Still, Regulus knows she won't say anything she doesn't want to and there's no point in trying to pull it out of her. Scarlett is stubborn like that, but it does mean she makes for a tremendous secret keeper.
Saturday - 15th December, 1974
During the final Hogsmeade trip of 1974, Regulus spends his time shopping, which isn't something he frequently tends to do when he visits the enchanting, little village. Somehow, he got roped into tagging along with Barty and Mary as they do their last-minute Christmas shopping. He would attempt to find a way out of it but, unfortunately for him, he still has yet to purchase anything for Astro Sayre's Secret Santa present. Regulus thinks he might go with what James suggested and just buy the boy chocolate.
Speaking of James. Regulus completely forgot to buy him a Christmas present. To his defence, they have never bought each other presents before, whether for Christmas or birthdays or any other occasion. They didn't say they were going to get each other anything, so Regulus doesn't necessarily... have to. But he wants to. Last year, they were barely even friends at Christmastime and by the time James' birthday rolled around, Regulus was hardly admitting to himself that James was his friend, not until a very drunk James showed up on the Astronomy tower pouting about it.
In the end, he overhears Mary mention to Barty that she's getting James a bucket-full of Fizzing Whizzbees because they are his favourite sweets and decides to purchase some himself that he will offer to James as a Christmas present. Whether he takes it or not is the part that makes a knot of anxiety tie itself together in Regulus' stomach.
It makes sense, he thinks, that the one sweet in the Wizarding World that makes the consumer float would be James Potter's favourite.
Whilst they are in Honeydukes, he buys a few boxes of chocolate frogs, which he has packaged into a gift basket for Astro. Afterwards, they head off to an art supplies shop and Barty purchases a sketchbook along with a selection of watercolour paints.
"I didn't realise you were such an enthusiastic artist, Barty," Regulus notes, raising an amsued eyebrow.
"What? Oh, these aren't for me," Barty chuckles. "They're for Xenophilius Lovegood because I'm his Secret Santa, remember?"
"Good thing, too," Mary muses, lips quirking up into a sly smirk. "You can't draw for shit and it would be a shame to waste such lovely supplies."
"You wound me, Macdonald," Barty pouts and dramatically presses his hand to his chest. Mary just rolls her eyes and pulls Barty in by his scarf so she can press a swift kiss to his cheek. That's one thing Regulus can be thankful for, they have been keeping the kissing to a minimum today. "Of course, you're totally right. It would be a violation to this sketchbook if I so much as went near it with a pencil."
"At least you're aware," Mary comments cheekily, which has Barty gently flicking her on the nose. Now, it's Regulus' turn to roll his eyes.
He takes that as his queue to leave them alone for a couple of minutes and is glad he did when not even two seconds later, Barty is pushing Mary against a row of large canvases. Regulus is pretty sure that wasn't their intended use, but then he supposes he's no expert; art is in the eye of the beholder, or however the saying goes.
Regulus browses the small aisles of the shop and ends up in the notebooks section. He isn't really looking for anything to buy, he's simply trying to avoid Barty and Mary for a few minutes more. However, his eyes catch on something and suddenly an idea forms in his mind.
It isn't very long after he's paid that he finds Mary and Barty; they're standing near the exit, presumably waiting for him. When he joins them, Mary suggests they head to The Three Broomsticks for lunch and Regulus doesn't argue with her - he's freezing and would desperately like a warm drink right about now.
They walk up the cobblestone street, pale snow filling in the cracks and a thin layer of ice hugging the pathway. The sky is overcast today, so it's dark enough that the streetlamps faintly glow luminous orange. Shops windows are decorated with Christmas decorations and ornaments, some lampposts are adorned with twinkling Christmas lights that Regulus imagines look wonderful during the night time.
Just as they reach the entrance to the pub, they run right into none other than James... and Lily Evans.
Regulus feels something sour curl in his stomach at the sight of her. She looks snug in a scarf so thick it looks to be choking her and a hat that consumes the top half of her bright-red hair. She's bundled in a garment similar to the one Mary is wearing, which she earlier explained to Regulus is called a coat. A Muggle invention. Evans' eyes are bright with joy, even as she shivers in place, her nose glowing red from the cold. Regulus' eyes snag on the point where her arm is locked around James'. He blinks a few times, but each time he opens his eyes again, it's still happening. He wishes it would stop.
"Hello, strangers," Mary greets them loudly, pulling away from Barty slightly as she steps forward to talk to her friends. Mary and Lily fall into conversation, whilst Barty and Regulus wait behind her. Regulus' eyes have dropped to the floor. He stares down at a mulched leaf that has been temporarily preserved within a patch of ice. It's not a very interesting sight and the leaf is not a very pretty leaf. It looks squashed and brown and soggy.
He pulls his eyes away from the floor and looks up only to see that James is watching him. Regulus moves to hold his shopping bag behind his back, not that James would be able to see it's contents anyway. Still. Regulus doesn't want James to even know Regulus got him anything, not until he gives it to him.
James, who is currently wearing a bobbled-hat that makes the front of his hair tuft out like a ball of fuzz, pulls away from Evans and makes his way over to where Barty and Regulus are standing. He stops right in front of the both of them and turns to Barty first, holding out his fist, which Barty hits with his own and then they're doing some weird handshake thing that Regulus has never seen before and, quite frankly, confuses the fuck out of him. Since when were these two so close that they created a handshake?
Before Regulus' mind has a chance to catch up with whatever just happened in front of him, James is turning towards him and is obviously trying to supress a smile. He isn't doing it very well, but Regulus discovers that he isn't entirely mad about it. In fact, he sort of likes it.
"Hi, Regulus," James says, just cordial enough for people to pass it off as James being polite.
"Potter," Regulus returns amiably.
"So, you guys have been doing some Christmas shopping then?" James eyes the bag still mostly concealed behind Regulus' back before returning his gaze to Regulus'.
"Had to," Barty answers irritably. "Slughorn didn't really give us much choice."
"Nor much time," Regulus adds.
"Oh, yeah. It was a bit last minute, wasn't it?" James shakes his head like a disapproving parent. "Who did you get?"
"If I told you that, Potter, it wouldn't be so secret, would it?" Barty crosses his arms.
"Well, I know you didn't get me, so what does it matter?" James huffs, affronted.
"How could you possibly know that?" Regulus asks, letting out a little huff that appears white in the air.
James smirks at him and Regulus feels his heart beat anxiously. James should really stop doing that if they are still adamant on keeping their friendship a secret - it's almost as if James has never heard of subtlety.
"Pandora already gave me my gift," James explains, pulling something out of his cloak pocket. It just looks like a sheet of paper, but then James turns it over and displays it before Regulus and Barty, who both lean closer to take a look.
Regulus is shocked to discover that it's sheet music, and not just any... It's for Blackbird, the song Regulus learnt last year when Dorcas sent it to him to keep him preoccupied at home during the holidays. It even looks like the same copy Regulus borrowed, it's got the same crease in the corner. The only difference is that now there is a small cartoonish rose that has been drawn in pink ink on the top left of the sheet.
"Cheapskate," Barty huffs a laugh. "Do you even play an instrument?"
"I used to dabble with piano a bit as a child, but I haven't done for years," James answers, folding the piece of paper up and placing it back in his pocket. He grins at them both. "It's a nice gift, she's given me a whole new song I've never heard of before."
"Let me guess, she told you it represents something very important," Barty muses in a mysterious voice that steals a brief smile from Regulus.
"Well, yes, actually," James says, blinking. "How did you know?"
"She's always doing stuff like that," Barty explains. "Best get learning that song then, Potter, or the world might implode."
"I don't even know who wrote it, it doesn't say-"
"The Beatles," Regulus is speaking before he even gives himself permission to. Barty and James both turn to look at him with equal parts shocked and intrigued expressions. "What?"
"How do you know who the Beatles are? They're a Muggle band," James says, eyes wide behind his glasses.
"Believe it or not, I am cultured, Potter," Regulus rolls his eyes. "I learnt how to play it last year."
"Play it?" James echoes.
"On the piano."
"Oh."
Barty clears his throat, making Regulus blink and look at him instead of James. "Maybe it has something to do with you, Regulus," Barty winks theatrically. Regulus glares at him. "Or maybe not."
"Boys," Mary calls and the three boys present snap their heads in her direction. She grins at their reactions, likely enjoying the fact that they all immediately listened to her. "We're going to head in. Come on, we're going to sit together."
Regulus feels himself panic internally and looks at James who is, once again, already staring at him. They share a brief moment of eye contact before they are following the others into the pub. Mary offers to go and get everyone's drink orders, which of course has Barty going after her. When Regulus slides into one side of the booth and Evans into the other, Regulus expects James to sit with her. He doesn't.
Frowning, Regulus watches as James sits next to him, looking as if he hasn't a care in the world. At least, not until he meets eyes with Regulus, who is staring at him in a way that says, What the fuck are you doing?
James seems to have his oh moment and glances across the table at Evans. Regulus does the same. She is watching them both and Regulus gets the impression she has been silently doing so ever since they sat down. There's a twinkle in her eyes like she's enjoying herself. Regulus has no idea what is going on right now. All he knows for sure is that James' thigh is pressed closely against his own right now and he's noticing it more than he thinks he should be.
"Lily?" James asks, his tone cautious.
"Yes, James?" Evans smirks.
"Are you okay...?"
"I'm brilliant," Lily responds, crossing her hands together and resting her chin on them. "And you two? How are you? You're looking very chummy over there."
Regulus feels his face drain of all colour and Evans clearly notices if her evil grin is anything to go by.
"What do you mean by that?" James inquires. He is trying to act ignorant, Regulus can tell, but it isn't working very well because Evans apparently already has a clear picture of what is going on in her head.
"Peculiar, isn't it? You could have sat beside me, but you chose to sit next to Regulus instead. It's just curious," Lily shrugs.
"Why exactly is it curious?" Regulus speaks up for the first time since this strange interaction began. "James can sit where he wants, can't he?"
"Yes, James can. I didn't realise you were on first-name basis with each other."
Regulus' eyes sink shut. How could he make such an idiotic mistake? See, this is why he should have just stuck with Potter even behind closed doors.
"Alright, I can't take this tension anymore," James breaks, running a hand through his hair and, having forgot he was wearing it, dislodging his hat. Regulus wants to fix it. He doesn't. "How much do you know?"
"More than you do," Evans snorts, lowering her hands and placing them in her lap. "You're both painfully oblivious, by the way."
"I'm confused," Regulus voices.
"Thank Merlin, I'm not the only one," James mutters, sinking slightly in his chair. "You won't tell Sirius, will you?" He asks the redhead across the table.
"Of course not," Lily promises, her voice suddenly soft. "I've kept your secret for this long, haven't I?"
"Er, how long is that exactly?" James mumbles.
"Almost a year now."
"Well, I'm not surprised," Regulus admits, accepting that they aren't going to get out of this now. "You lack all forms of subtlety, James."
James yowls a noise of offence. "Rude."
"He's right," Evans chuckles. "Not that you, Regulus, are any better."
"Excuse me?"
"You are both as subtle as a Veela," she announces. "Luckily for you, only Remus and I have figured out that you two don't despise each other-"
"Wait," James waves his hand through the air. "Remus knows?"
"Yeah. Sometimes when you sneak out at night, he's still awake."
"Excellent," James mumbles sarcastically.
"Aren't you going to stage an intervention for your friend? Suggest he stop wasting his time and spend it elsewhere?" Regulus questions, feeling a bit ticked off by how nonchalant Evans is being about the whole thing. It's as if James and Regulus' friendship was a predictable event.
"Not at all," she responds with a kind smile that Regulus chooses to ignore. "I've seen how you interact in Potions club. You're good for each other."
"Oh," is all Regulus is able to say. He's learnt something today, something that will only get proved to him over and over again throughout the upcoming years: Lily Evans is unpredictable; she's a force to be reckoned with, something you think you might understand but then she's doing the very last thing you expect and you have to revise everything you think you know about her. One day, Regulus will come to appreciate this about her, but for now he just feels a bit disorientated.
Thursday - 19th December, 1974
During Regulus' Potions lesson a couple of days before the end of the term, Slughorn personally approaches Regulus and Evan's desk. They are in the middle of brewing a Scintillation Potion and are just about to add the powdered unicorn horn when they are interrupted by the professor. He gives them a moment to finish this step of the potion and then lets Regulus know that he would like to see him at the end of the class.
Confused, and a bit worried he's done something wrong, Regulus agrees with a stilted nod. Slughorn smiles at him reassuringly before reaching out to pat him on the shoulder in a display Regulus is certain is supposed to be comforting, but only succeeds in making him flinch.
"Do you think he's going to invite you to visit him at Christmas?" Evan whispers, snickering quietly as he continues to peel the Runespoor eggs. Regulus jabs his elbow into Evan's ribs, but Evan just keeps chuckling away.
Shaking his head, Regulus turns to Evan with a serious expression. "What if it's got something to do with my parents?"
Evan's laughter comes to an abrupt halt as he takes in Regulus' nervous demeanour. "I'm sure it isn't about them, Regulus. He looked all smiley and even Slughorn isn't impervious to your mother's... charm."
"I suppose you're right about that," Regulus mumbles.
"Of course, I am," Evan responds with a confident smirk that has Regulus shoving the boy gently. Evan shoves him back, not powerfully enough for him to stumble, but enough that Regulus has to rub his bicep thanks to Evan's bony elbows.
He waits behind his desk at the end of the lesson until most of the students have filed out of the classroom. Evan tells him he will be just outside the door if he needs him, which Regulus can't help but be grateful for. Dorcas follows after Evan, sending Regulus a curious look, likely wondering why he's still just waiting. He assumes Evan will explain why in a minute.
Regulus makes his way over to Slughorn's desk and is very aware of the fact that there are still a couple of students lingering in the back of the classroom, one of which is Tonks. He tries to ignore the feeling of eyes burning holes in the back of his head and instead focuses on whatever it is Slughorn would like to talk to him about.
"Ah, Mr Black," Slughorn beams up at him, his chin jiggles a bit with the movement. "Advanced potion we've been working on today, though I'm sure you're finding it fairly easy." He winks.
"Of course, sir," Regulus replies in his most articulate voice. He slowly raises an eyebrow and asks, "You needed to talk to me, Professor?"
"Oh, yes," Slughorn turns to shuffle through a couple of his desk drawers before he pulls out a package - a present, Regulus realises when it's handed to him. It's wrapped in burgundy paper that has tiny Snitches painted across it. He takes it slowly from Slughorn's hands, utterly stupefied as to why he is receiving a Christmas present from his Potions teacher right now.
"Sir?" Regulus questions, still staring down at the small gift.
"Your Secret Santa has decided to remain anonymous and has asked that I hand you the gift they purchased for you," Slughorn explains from where he is still sitting behind his desk, his hands are folded over his stomach. "Alright, it's my turn to monitor the Great Hall at breaktime today, so I shall be going now. See you tomorrow, Mr Black."
"Goodbye, Professor," Regulus says as Slughorn walks past him and out of the classroom.
Regulus frowns down at the little present and decides to open it right there and then. He is, admittedly, rather curious to see what his Secret Santa though to get him. He wonders if it will be something simple like new parchment, or socks, or perhaps sweets. What he doesn't expect to find is a small sheet with three stickers pressed to it, each electric blue. As he pulls the wrapping paper away, a note drops from his grasp and he hastens to grab it before it hits the floor. Turning it over, he discovers a message:
These are Howler diffusers, you can only use each of them once.
Don't waste them.
Regulus' jaw drops slightly in surprise. He'd expected a boring present, that or something that he would never use because not very many people know him, and the ones that do and that were also involved in Slughorn's little present project didn't have him. So, who on Merlin's green earth could these be from?
As Regulus goes to tuck them away in his bag, someone walks right into him, knocking him enough that he drops his present and the note that came along with it. He glares up at the person who so rudely just bashed into him and finds Tonks smirking down at him cruelly. Regulus just scowls and picks up his things from the floor before stuffing them in his bag. He marches out of the classroom after Tonks, his face thunderous. He doesn't retaliate though, which he is proud of, because he knows James wouldn't like it.
He finds Evan and Dorcas a couple of steps down the corridor and goes to join them, trying his absolute best to forget about his idiotic rival.
That evening, Regulus goes to the tower at eleven, which is a bit earlier than he usually would, but he has an urgent need to feel the cool winter air brush against the skin on his face. So, he sits down near the edge, just as he does every other night, and settles in, expecting to have to wait a couple of hours before James shows up. However, apparently James had the same idea, because he appears not half-an-hour after Regulus does. They smile at each other and James comes to sit down beside him, closer than he tends to do on other nights, likely because it's freezing out. Regulus is wearing a scarf and has even brought out his winter cloak with him.
James, who is wearing a rather hideous jumper that Regulus is almost certain isn't his own, waves his wand in a circular motion through the air. Regulus feels as a warming charm relaxes in the air around them.
"Thanks," he sighs, relieved that he no longer has to listen to his own clacking teeth as he shivers.
"We should find a place to meet that doesn't have you almost freezing to death in the heart of winter," James muses, chuckling when Regulus sends him a sharp look.
"Shut up, I'm not freezing to death," Regulus snaps back petulantly.
"Sure," James grins, obviously amused by himself, "and your nose is just red every day is it?"
"It might be," Regulus shrugs.
"If it is then I'm calling you Rudolph."
"You are not."
"What would you do to me if I did?"
"I would throw away the Christmas present I bought for you," Regulus retorts, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows as he stares sternly at James.
"You got me a Christmas present?" Somehow, James' grin manages to glow brighter and Regulus is hastily reminded of why he calls James the sun. He is the biggest star in the sky, the brightest too, somehow managing to outshine even the darkness the night brings by illuminating the moon. James is like that, sharing his light with the rest of the world, dazzling even if people don't always appreciate it. Warming them, keeping them all alive, refusing to implode because he doesn't want to hurt the rest of the world with the rubble.
"Actually, I got you two. I wasn't really planning on getting you anything because we hadn't discussed it, but I couldn't really resist," Regulus explains as he pulls out the two gifts he got for James last weekend. He promptly realises how anxious he is about this entire exchange - what if James doesn't like the second present? Regulus knows he'll like the sweets because Mary said they were his favourite, but what if he doesn't want the second one? If he doesn't, it might just shatter Regulus a little bit.
He hands James the sweets first, unwrapped because Regulus doesn't see the point in bundling them in another layer of packaging when they are already in a bag. James' face takes on an astonished expression as he stares down at the Fizzing Whizzbees in his hands.
"How did you know these are my favourite?" James asks, holding the insignificant packet of sweets close to his chest like it's the most precious thing he's ever been given.
"I have my ways," Regulus shrugs, feeling a bit bashful by the positive reaction. It'll only make the disappointment that much sourer if James dislikes the next gift. "Here," Regulus thrusts the wrapped present into James' lap and starts apprehensively fiddling with the seam of his cloak.
James isn't delicate when he opens gifts. No, he likes to get to the centre of it as soon as possible, pulling away any and all obstacles between himself and the contents hastily. Regulus almost feels bad for the wrapping paper, which he had spent so long getting perfectly neat, even going so far as to tie a black piece of ribbon around it into a bow. James is careful with the bow, at least, leaving it to the side after slipping it off the paper, still tied.
He holds the present in his hands like it's an offering, something that has been wondrously bestowed upon him. His fingers delicately move over the sun pattern that has been painted out with bright watercolours on one notebook. The rays wiggle out like a clew of eager worms, actually wriggling across the front cover through some spell or other. It's got a light-blue background, which works because blue is James' favourite colour.
James pulls out the second notebook, which has a twinkly four-pointed star on the front; it glows silvery, resembling the liquid one would find in a pensieve. It doesn't have squirming rays like the sun notebook does, but the star does sparkle, twinkling like a real star. The background is a pale-yellow and has a sprinkling of silver dots over it, like smaller stars glowing in the distance.
"They're so beautiful, Reg," James breathes out, eyes still wandering over the two diaries.
"I thought so, too," Regulus agrees, leaning forward to pluck one out of James' hand. He takes the star-designed one, as is probably expected, and pulls out a quill, one of the ones that doesn't require ink because it produces it's own. He writes something down on the front page and moves to obscure it from James' view. Once he's finishes, he nods to the sun notebook in James' hands and tells him to open it. (He notices the rays of the sun have stopped moving, meaning there's a message waiting inside; the same thing will happen if Regulus has a message from James, his star will stop twinkling.)
"Wow," James gasps, staring down at the message scribbled down in Regulus' handwriting: Merry Christmas, James. "Does it work both ways?" Before Regulus even gets the chance to answer him, James is snatching the quill from Regulus' hand and writing something in his own notebook.
Regulus opens his notebook and finds the words Hello, little Seeker written there in James' untidy handwriting. Regulus smiles at the nickname.
"Yes, it's a way for us to communicate without my mother figuring out what I'm doing. I can just tell her it's my dream journal for Divination and she won't even touch it. The subject repulses her," Regulus discloses with a small roll of his eyes. "That way, if you are worried about me, which you shouldn't be- but if you are, you can talk to me."
James bites down on his bottom lip, his eyebrows scrunch together like he's confused and Regulus feels as his stomach drops. James doesn't like it. He doesn't. Now Regulus looks like an idiot. Is he just supposed to return them? What-
James doesn't ask for permission like he usually does when he hugs Regulus. Instead, he just lunges forward and wraps his arms around Regulus', pinning him in place. James' chin lands on his shoulder, his hair tickles Regulus' cheek. Regulus freezes, but not in the way he does when people usually touch him precipitously. He pauses and his breath catches in his throat because James' head is on his shoulder and it's never been there before. Whenever they've hugged in the past, James' head has always been on top of Regulus', gathering him in place and consuming him with... well, him. With James. And he always feels so safe in this boy's arms.
This, however, feels closer somehow, and not just because their cheeks are pressed together and Regulus can feel the heat lying just beneath James' skin. No, it's because of the abruptness of it all, like James couldn't stop himself from reaching forward and holding him. Touching him. Regulus has always envisioned touch as this great, terrible thing, it's the way he's always experienced it. However, he is learning that touch is how James expresses himself, it's how he appreciates the people around him, how he reacts to things, such an intrinsic part of him. If all of that is true, then how can it be so bad? How can something so innately woven into James' very person be something terrible?
Maybe it's just the James of it all.
Regulus' eyes flutter shut and he brings his hands up to cup James' sides the best he can, he's still sort of trapped in James' embrace, but he doesn't mind. He's never felt less trapped in his entire life.
"Sorry," James whispers with a bashful smile as he pulls back a few moments later. He completely removes himself from Regulus, not even leaving their knees to knock together, like he knows Regulus will need a minute to recover from all the contact. Surprising himself, he realises that he doesn't. So, he slides across the floor and presses his thigh against James', showing him that he doesn't mind.
"I got you a present, too," James says out of nowhere, pulling something from his pocket. "Unfortunately, it's just the one."
"It isn't a competition, James," Regulus assures him. Then, because he is a competitive Slytherin no matter which lions he befriends, he adds, "But if it is, I won."
"No arguments from me," James smiles. "Go on, open it."
Regulus pulls the wrapping paper away carefully, the complete antithesis to how James greedily tore his apart. The present drops into his lap, so he puts the paper on the floor of the tower and lifts up whatever it is James decided to get him.
It's a hat. A simple, woollen hat with a bobble on the top and made with light-green material. It's not as personal as what Regulus got for James, but it's still a lovely present. He smiles softly and thanks James.
"I didn't just get you a hat."
"I thought you said you got me one present?" Regulus frowns.
"I did. What I mean is, it isn't only a hat," James reaches forward to take the hat from Regulus' hands and places it on his own head. Immediately, James' body starts to trickle away, like someone has just poured a bucket of invisible water on him. Regulus blinks and James is gone.
"James?"
"I'm still here," James says, even though Regulus can still feel where their legs are pressed together.
"It's... an invisibility hat?" Regulus questions.
James pulls the hat off and appears in front of Regulus, not having moved an inch. "Yeah. I thought it would be useful for if you feel like you need to disappear at home. It isn't like my cloak, it won't last forever, but I've enforced it with enough charms that it should last for a few months." He passes it back to Regulus, who tries it on for size.
He moves away from James, who glances around like he's going to spot Regulus in the shadows or something. Regulus tiptoes around James' sitting form and moves over to his other side. He doesn't sit, but he does crouch down so that his face is an inch away from James' ear.
"Boo," he whispers suddenly and James whips his head around, looking him right in the eye even though he can't see him. Their noses almost brush because of how close they are. Regulus has to swallow just so he can breathe, suddenly the air feels so much thinner. Regulus has never been so close to another person before. He can see things he wouldn't have been able to were he further away, like how James' eyelashes overlap each other, making them look thicker than they are; how there's a small cluster of acne residing just above the bridge of James' nose; how light hairs are sprouting above James' top lip. His lips. There's a layer of shine to them, which makes Regulus wonder if James licked them recently or if they just always looks like that.
"Regulus?" James whispers, his lips parting around a silent sigh. It brushes against Regulus' own lips. He clenches his jaw and stands back to his full height. He walks over to the railing and leans against it, looking down at James who is still staring into thin air where Regulus was just standing.
Regulus removes the hat and James turns to face him, his head tilting so that he can look him right in the face.
"Oh, I understand why my friends don't like it when I sneak around them with my cloak on now," James huffs out a little laugh, his eyes sparkling.
"That was fun," Regulus says, staring down at the hat in his hands. "Thanks. It- You have no idea... Just, thanks." He meets James' eyes.
"Of course," James smiles that ridiculously perfect James Potter smile.
Friday - 20th December, 1974
Once his friends have finished celebrating Barty's birthday - which isn't until New Year's Eve anyway, but he won't be with his friends to celebrate it then which is why they are now - they all settle down for bed. Dorcas crawls into bed with Barty, even after her statement about it from a couple of weeks ago. She doesn't really get much of a choice since Barty has been clinging to her for half of the night - probably a result of the alcohol Pandora managed to acquire.
Scarlett transfigures herself a small mattress on the floor, big enough to fit just her on it, while Evan gets into his own bed and falls asleep almost instantly - also a result of the alcohol.
Regulus didn't drink very much, not after the weird way it made him feel when he did so at Halloween, so he watches his drunken friends with an tickled expression. Scarlett didn't drink either, although that's not because she's had a bad experience with it but because she just decided she didn't want to. Pandora, who is absolutely drunk out of her wits, snuggles in beside Regulus instead of with her brother. He doesn't mind, of course, because even while drunk Pandora remembers Regulus' boundaries.
He waits for them all to fall asleep before sneaking out of the dormitory. James told him last night that he wouldn't be able to meet him tonight, on the last night before they go home for the holidays tomorrow morning, because he and his friends have plans that apparently extend to the early hours of the morning.
Regulus can't wait to experience the consequences of whatever that is tomorrow. (He can.)
Just as he is silently rolling out of bed, trying to be quiet so that he doesn't wake Pandora up, he feels her hand shoot out to catch his arm. She stares at him in the darkness, her eyes faintly glowing blue.
"Reggie?"
"Pandora, are you alright?" Regulus whispers, resting a tender hand on her cheek. She drunk quite a lot tonight and he is a bit afraid she might throw up in his bed, but he is more worried about her than he is his sheets.
"Mm," she mumbles, closing her eyes before opening them again and staring right at him. "Trust him. He's family. Trust him."
"Trust who, sweetheart?"
Pandora's eyes sink shut again. Regulus thinks she's fallen back to sleep and is about to leave, but Pandora's hand clenches his wrist tightly, just enough to boarder on being painful. When he turns back to look at her, he finds that she is now sitting up in the bed, her eyes more luminous than ever.
"The dog," she whispers urgently before dropping back onto Regulus' pillow. Soft snores fall from her parted lips, so Regulus finally gets up and leaves the dormitory.
He thinks about what Pandora could have meant the entire time he is making his way up to the Room of Requirement. It's been months since he last visited, mostly because he prefers to spend his nights alone with James now, rather than some replication of a barren museum that doesn't even speak back to him anyway. He visited the actual museum a few times over the summer, whenever he felt especially alone. That was still months ago, though. He misses Reverie.
Barnabus the Barmy greets him with wary eyes, always looking slightly paranoid that he is going to be bludgeoned to death by the trolls surrounding him. Regulus entertains him for a few minutes, feeling a bit bad that Barnabus doesn't really get a lot of company, especially because this corridor doesn't hold a lot, other than a few empty classrooms and a room unknown about to everyone but Regulus (he thinks).
The museum appears for him, just as it has every other time. He makes his ways straight over to Reverie and talks to her about his night, how each of his friends got progressively more drunk and ridiculous as the hours ticked by. He tells her about the previous night spent with James and how they both got each other gifts for Christmas even though they never agreed to.
Then, he mentions the Secret Santa gift he got and how he still doesn't know who gave it to him. He's never even heard of howler diffusers before, but they sound like a brilliant invention, whoever created them must be a genius. He will definitely be investing in some more if he can find them. It was only a couple of weeks ago that he got another from his mother for not getting a high enough mark on a Charms essay that he had been spending days on. He was happy with his mark, until he wasn't. He wishes he'd had his diffusers then.
Afterwards, he wanders aimlessly through the museums long corridors and full rooms. He waits for something to catch his eye and, when it does, he smiles. It's the bronze statue of the bird and the man. Regulus remembers wishing how he would one day find someone to be his bird and he thinks he finally has. Only, the statue feels a bit inaccurate now that he looks at it with more experienced eyes. Instead of one bird, there should be a flock of them, because Regulus has more than one and he's one of the most repressed, lonely people he knows. So, if even he has multiple birds, surely this bronze man should, too.
Regulus is quite pleased with his flock and is certain he wouldn't like to change it anytime soon; there's Dorcas, who always manages to make Regulus laugh, even when he's sulking over his mother sending him a howler; Barty, who triggers the mischievous side of Regulus that he hadn't even realised existed until he met the boy; Evan, who is always there to keep him on his own two feet whenever he feels like withdrawing from the world around him; Pandora, who knows him better than he knows himself and loves him utterly and wholeheartedly in a way Regulus never expected to be loved; Scarlett, who reminds him of who he is and what he believes in on a daily basis and who is able to make home feel a little bit safer than it used to.
Then, there's James. Regulus couldn't explain what he's become in just one sentence, in just one language, using only words. No, he'd have to sing it, in English and French, whilst gesturing avidly with his hands, something he doesn't tend to do, but it's the only way to describe how James Potter has affected his life. He's a place of solace, a harbour for Regulus' ship to safely lie in whenever there's a storm brewing; he's someone Regulus could yell at, but wouldn't, and he wouldn't abandon him because of it; he's a constant, someone Regulus could always rely on; he's his friend and something he fears all in one. James is a potential that Regulus doesn't quite understand yet; they're speaking in different languages and Regulus hasn't learnt how to translate James', but he's trying to teach himself because James is important to him. James is his bird, the one holding the most of Regulus, clutching his jacket for dear life like he's afraid he'll drop him, but Regulus trusts that he won't.
Saturday - 21st December, 1974
The next morning, Regulus wakes to Pandora throwing up over the side of the bed. He doesn't even blink his eyes properly open before he's sitting up and grabbing her hair to hold it out of her face. He didn't get very much sleep because he ended up spending most of the night in the Room of Requirement, so his eyes feel heavy and he already knows, without checking, that they must be very puffy.
Scarlett is in front of Pandora in less than a minute, her wand out as she conjures a bucket from the bathroom (Regulus has no idea why they even have a bucket; maybe for moments like these?), before vanishing the vomit already on the floor. Evan makes his way hurriedly over, too, but he's slower than Scarlett is, looking a bit green himself. He reaches out to hold one of his sister's hands and uses the other to clutch his forehead.
"Fuck, we're never drinking again, Pan," Evan grumbles, clenching his eyes shut.
Pandora stops throwing up just long enough to make a noise of agreement before she's at it again.
"Merlin, how much did she drink?" Dorcas' voice comes from across the room. Regulus watches as she stumbles out of Barty's bed, looking a bit worse for wear, but still much better than Evan and Pandora. Barty's head pops out of his bed curtains, his hair sticking out at all angles. He's got one eye squinted open, whilst the other remains shut.
"Blame Grouch, he's the one who kept topping her up," Scarlett snaps, very clearly distressed as Pandora continues to dry-heave. It seems her stomach is completely empty now, but her throat isn't done constricting, expecting more.
"Don't put this on me," Barty growls, half-falling out of his bed. "It was Evan's idea to play that drinking game."
"Who showed me said drinking game?" Evan snaps.
"Remus Lupin," Barty retorts.
"Yeah, after you taught it to him," Dorcas adds, glaring at Barty.
"This isn't my fault," Barty whines, looking dangerously close to stomping his foot.
"He's right," Pandora croaks as she leans back, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Grimacing, Scarlett scourgifies Pandora's hand and then her mouth. "It was my fault because I chose to drink that much. I also knew this was going to happen, but I did it anyway."
"Why?" Evan winces as he continues to press his fingers to his head.
"Everything happens for a reason," Pandora shrugs, repeating the words she has so many times in the past to each and every one of them. However, unlike all the other times where she just continues on with her life, she turns to Regulus this time and sends him a significant look. He wonders if she remembers what she told him last night when she was only half-conscious.
"Hey, guys, what time is it?" Dorcas asks the room, squinting as she glances up at one of the little windows in the top of their room, one of the ones that lies above the lake and sheds daylight into the room.
Scarlett performs a tempus spell and then curses, which surprises everyone in the room because she never really swears.
"We've got to be at the station in less than an hour," she announces.
There's a moment where none of them move, and then, all at once, they jump into action. Dorcas helps Pandora out of Regulus' bed and tells everyone that she's going to take her up to Ravenclaw tower; she assures Evan that she will make sure Pandora is all packed, which seems to relieve him. Dorcas asks Scarlett to pack the last few things in their dorm into her trunk whilst she's helping Pandora, which Scarlett agrees to before rushing out of the boys' dorm along with Dorcas and Pandora, leaving Evan, Barty and Regulus to clean up.
Regulus, who had already packed his trunk the day before, is on cleaning duty. He vanishes the sick in the bucket and scourgifies the bucket five times before he's satisfied that it's no longer tainted. He then gets a move on tidying away bottles and cups from the night before, as well as transfiguring the mattress on the floor back into one of his pillows. He then uses his wand to make sure everyone's beds are tidy and made. By the time he's finished, Evan is completely packed and appears to be suffering with a headache. Barty, on the other hand, looks like he's about to throw up, but he's powering on as he continues to stuff things into his trunk.
"Shit. Shitshitshit !" Barty groans before slumping down onto the floor.
"What's wrong?" Regulus asks, moving over to Barty, who now has his face buried in his hands.
"I'm supposed to meet Mary's parents today and I have the worst hangover of the century. They're going to know and they'll hate me, and-"
"Oh, just shut up, will you?" Evan snaps, jumping up from his own bed and crossing the room to stand beside Regulus. He glares down at Barty. "They aren't going to hate you, they couldn't possibly hate you. Now, would you please stop whining because I have the worst headache of the century and you are really not helping!"
Barty blinks and stares up at Evan with a look of disbelief. "This is important to me, Evan."
"Well, if it was that important, you wouldn't have drunken yourself into this problem in the first place," Evan comebacks sharply, but quietly.
"You're a pretty shit friend, you know," Barty mumbles. He stands up and crosses the room to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. A silencing spell is thrown up and Regulus turns to sternly stare at Evan.
"What?" Evan mutters.
"He's right, that was pretty shit of you," Regulus replies. He can't be bothered to deal with this right now, especially considering the fact that they need to leave in the next five minutes. But, he would rather not leave everything on a sour note. Softening, he reaches forward to rest his hand on Evan's arm. "Are you okay? You've been a bit off this year."
"I'm fine," Evan whispers, staring down at where Regulus' hand and his arm makes contact. "I'm just worried about going home, is all."
"That's not it," Regulus says and Evan's eyes snap up to meet his. They're wide and fearful, begging Regulus not to keep digging. But Evan is his friend and whatever it is that's bothering him, he wants to help him sort it out. "Ever since Barty started dating Mary, dating at all actually, you've been... I don't know, sort of grumpy."
"Regulus," Evan's voice is strangled, scared. Regulus knows by this reaction that he is on the precipice of figuring out what is wrong with Evan.
"Why don't you like that Barty has a girlfriend?" Regulus asks delicately.
Evan shakes his head and then seems to remember that he's got a banging headache and stops the movement. His eyes are still wide, still fearful, still so afraid that Regulus has the strange urge to reach forward and comfort him.
"It's... It's not-" Evan starts but he's interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening. The silencing spell Barty put up has dropped and he comes out with a handful of bathroom supplies, which he shoves into his trunk before zipping it up and silently walking over to the door of the dormitory, not even sparing the two of them a glance as he leaves.
Beneath his hand, Regulus can feel as Evan starts to hyperventilate. His eyes are locked on the open door where Barty just left and Regulus suddenly realises what's happening. What's been happening for years, but he's been blind to it. All the times Barty came out of the bathroom with wet hair, a towel slung around his waist and Evan blushed, averting his eyes quicker than the rest of them like the sight was burning him. All the times when Barty would immediately sprawl out across Evan's bed instead of his own and Evan would just allow it to happen. All the times Barty spoke about a girl he was seeing and Evan's guard came up.
Regulus thought it was because Barty was neglecting their friendship by never spending time with Evan anymore, instead opting to run around with all his girlfriends. But that doesn't make any sense because Barty has spent plenty of time with them all this year. He's been very careful to balance his time between hanging out with his friends and with Mary. Which is why it makes so much more sense when Regulus realises that Evan is jealous of Mary for an entirely different reason.
"Oh, Evan," Regulus sighs and Evan crumbles in front of him. He just collapses into Regulus' shoulder and Regulus doesn't entirely mind because he knows Evan needs this right now, needs the comfort of him. Regulus wraps his arms around his heartbroken friend and he lets him sob until all the tears are gone.
They are almost late to the train when they get caught up in the dungeons because of a prank (that Regulus is sure James and his stupid friends pulled last night) that turned all the stairs in the castle into slides. Regulus and Evan end up having to levitate their trunks up it and then they have to climb up the slippery slope. They stumble a lot and rely on balancing against each other to actually get out, but eventually they do and then they are running through the abandoned corridors and through the courtyard and down the snowy hill, just making it in time to get on the train.
***
Saturday - 21st December, 1974
Sirius
Jess comes to sit with Sirius and his friends on the train ride home. Sirius ends up between Jess and James, with Mary and Barty on Jess' other side and Marlene, Remus, Alice and Frank on the bench opposite. Lily and Peter decided to remain at Hogwarts for Christmas. Azalia was also staying at Hogwarts this year, as well as Benji, who preferred to stay where Peter was going to be.
Their compartment is filled to the brim with excited chatter. Mary and Barty are singing some Muggle Christmas carol that Mary has apparently been teaching him for the past couple of weeks, whilst Remus is leaning across the gap to speak to James; they're in the middle of an argument about whether or not hot chocolate should be considered a Christmas drink specifically, or if it's for all times of the year. (Remus, of course, is arguing the latter.)
Sirius' eyes move over to Alice, Frank and Marlene, who are playing a card game. Not Exploding Snaps, they're using Muggle playing cards. Frank is closest to the window, so he has his back pressed up against the wall of the train, whilst Alice sits between his legs, her back resting against his chest. She grins up at him as he steals a couple of Marlene's cards and then leans up to kiss his chin. Frank's cheeks are painted pink as he flicks his gaze down to her and presses a soft kiss to her forehead. Sirius can't believe that they've been together for so long and rarely fight. In fact, he's not sure they ever have. They are definitely perfect for each other.
Marlene looks frustrated as she glares down at the cards in her hands. Her hair keeps falling in her face, but she doesn't tuck it away, instead opting to blow it away every few seconds before it returns to it's annoying position in her face once again. She's biting down harshly on her bottom lip, a crease between her eyebrows as she considers her cards.
Beside him, Jess shuffles closer and then tucks his arm behind Sirius' head and lets it hang over Sirius' shoulders. Sirius glances up at him, his lips curling naturally into a soft smile when he finds Jess already looking at him. Sirius' breath catches in his chest because his boyfriend is so beautiful. Thank God and Merlin and Minerva fucking McGonagall that Mary decided to set them up because Sirius isn't sure how he would be feeling about returning home if he didn't have this warmth spreading in his chest.
He's decided he is going to finally, officially, come out to his parents over the Christmas break. Last year, they sprung something on him, so he's going to keep the pattern alive and tell them he has a boyfriend. He's ninety-nine percent sure it will go well, but there is always room for doubt.
"Excited for Christmas?" Jess asks, bringing Sirius' mind back to the train carriage where it had started to fly away from him.
"You have no idea," Sirius responds, squirming slightly in his chair. Jess chuckles fondly, his eyes glittering charmingly. "My cousins are coming down for a couple of days, so I'll actually get to see them on Christmas day this year. Did I tell you one of my cousins, Miriam is her name, is a witch? She's a Muggleborn! I can't wait until she comes to Hogwarts, but it won't be until my sixth year. I bet she'll be a Slytherin, she's a bossy little thing."
"You're a bossy little thing and you're a Gryffindor," Jess states, smirking when Sirius opens his mouth in offence.
"I am not bossy, don't call me that," Sirius huffs.
"Oh no, not bossy at all. Whatever could I have been thinking," Jess snorts. Sirius crosses his arms and pouts childishly, but in a way he hopes is endearing. When Jess lets out a quiet, breathy laugh and reaches out to turn Sirius' face back to his, he assumes he was successful in that endeavour. Jess leans forward and briskly kisses Sirius' lips and then the skin between his eyebrows.
"You want to know what I'm most excited for?" Sirius asks.
"What's that, Tonksy?" Sirius rolls his eyes at the nickname. It's something Jess has been calling him for a month now, ever since he found out how it made Sirius' nose crinkle up in disgust, which Jess apparently found adorable, so now he does it whenever he can get away with it, and even whenever he can't. Sirius has never told him not to though, not since the first time it slipped out, because there's a tiny part of him that likes it. It feels like a term of endearment, which he never thought he'd partake in whenever he inevitably did end up in a relationship, but he actually quite enjoys it.
"The Potters' Christmas Eve party," Sirius replies, reaching forward to run a finger down the front of Jess' jumper. "Because you'll be there."
"Will you miss me before then?" Jess' expression is smug. Merlin, he's so full of himself. Sirius loves it.
"Perhaps. Will you miss me?"
"Definitely," Jess whispers directly into Sirius' ear, making him shiver. He leans back slightly so that Sirius can see his face. "Do you think you'll have told your parents by then?"
"Probably. I would rather get it over and done with before my family comes to visit. Besides," Sirius runs his hand down Jess' arm until he reaches his hand, he links their fingers together, "that way I can kiss you if we happen to get stuck under some mistletoe."
"I'll make sure I locate some as soon as I arrive then," Jess says.
Grinning, Sirius leans back in his seat, feeling warm with Jess' arm still slung over his shoulders and their hands linked together. His eyes meet Remus' brown ones, but Remus quickly averts his gaze and jumps back into conversation with James.
Sirius' attention is soon caught by the conversation taking place beside him and Jess, between Barty and Mary.
"He's been acting like a miserable, old sod ever since we got together," Barty grumbles as he stares at where his and Mary's hands are linked in her lap. He smiles and glances up at his girlfriend's face. "Fuck him. If he doesn't like you then... I don't know, he can go cry about it."
"Bee, he's your best friend," Mary replies in a soft voice. "Maybe you should send him a letter once you've both had a chance to cool down about it. Send him a Christmas letter, eh?"
"Yeah, maybe," Barty mumbles.
"What's going on?" Sirius asks and Mary and Barty both look at him, Mary's eyes are wary whilst Barty's are sharp.
"None of your business," Barty snaps.
"Hey, don't be like that," Mary turns back to her boyfriend. She must give him a stern enough look because he shrinks a bit in his seat.
"Sorry, I'm just... I'm pissed off, okay? Evan's been a prick all year," he explains. All conversations come to a halt as if the drama going on between Barty and Evan Rosier is the hottest piece of gossip they've heard all winter. Sirius knows that if Peter were here right now, he'd be squirming for it. Nothing very interesting has happened since Mary started dating a Slytherin.
"What happened, Barty?" Alice asks kindly, leaning away from Frank to give her best friend her full attention. Frank doesn't seem to mind in the slightest, his expression settles into one of concern; Sirius is endlessly in awe of how big Frank's heart is because it is no secret to anyone that Barty isn't his biggest fan, and yet Frank still has the space inside of his massive heart to care about the boy.
"I'm not really sure, to be honest," Barty huffs out a humourless laugh. His tongue flicks out of his mouth, a nervous habit Sirius has noticed the boy has. "He gets really angry whenever I so much as mention Mary's name, and he's been distant with me all year. I tried to talk to him about it and he just got all petty and closed-off in that way he does. He's so bloody annoying sometimes, I could just-" Barty cuts himself off, his jaw clenching.
"Mary's right," Alice says after a moment of silence. "You should try and write to him over Christmas, maybe tell him how you feel that way and then he can't interrupt you or dismiss what you're saying."
"I guess," Barty replies with a drawn out sigh. "For now, I don't even want to think about him. It's Christmas and we're supposed to be happy, not miserable."
"I agree," James speaks up, sitting on the edge of his seat so that when Barty's eyes jump over to him, he can actually see him. "We should figure out a way we can sneak alcohol past my parents on Christmas Eve."
"Don't worry, James, I've already got Anthony on it," Jess assures him. "He's seventeen now, so he can get drinks more easily."
"Sometimes I forget how old you all are," Sirius jokes, causing Jess to tickle his side in retaliation. Sirius shrieks with laughter and bats his hand away.
"We're the same age, Sirius," Jess states incredulously.
"Well, yeah, until June when you become an old man!" Sirius has to yell because Jess covers his mouth with one of his hands.
"You'll literally turn sixteen five months later!"
"Old man," Sirius repeats, his voice muffled behind Jess' hand. He licks it and Jess raises his eyebrows at him.
"If you thought that would disgust me, you might want to remind yourself that I've had that tongue in my mouth, Tonksy."
"Oh, gross," Marlene pretends to gag from across them. "Can we get back to the topic at hand? What alcohol is your brother getting?" She aims the question at Jess, who turns to her with wide eyes, likely surprised that she is directly speaking to him because Marlene never has before.
"Mm, firewhisky I think," Jess squints his eyes as he tries to remember. "Said he'd pick up some Muggle ciders, too, if he could."
"Ooh!" Mary rests a hand on Jess' shoulder to get his attention. "Tell him to get Kopparberg. I had some over the summer when my cousin Lizzie came to visit. It's really nice."
"Yeah, I've had some of that, too. Good stuff," Remus comments, meeting Sirius' eyes. They both had some at the party they went to during the summer when Sirius visited Wales for the first time. The night Remus kissed Marie and Sirius watched.
He inhales slowly and releases it at a steady pace, trying not to think about the heartbreak he experienced that night. He's got a good boyfriend now. Someone nice. Someone who cares about him and is actually funny. Someone who can't wait to see him on Christmas Eve and hopefully catch him under the mistletoe.
Blinking, Sirius removes his eyes from Remus and looks at Jess, smiling as he leans his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, just where he should be.
Tuesday - 24th December, 1974
Christmas Eve rolls around quicker than Sirius expects and it hits him as he is getting ready for the Potters' annual Christmas Eve party that he hasn't told his parents about Jess yet. He knows there is no pressure, that Jess won't be upset with him if he chickens out. But he does want to tell his parents. He wants to be able to reunite with Jess tonight and kiss him under some stupid Christmas tradition. He wants to dance with him and stay a bit too close for them to be "just mates". He wants to show him off, too, because he is absolutely gorgeous. Sirius has no idea how he got so lucky.
Dora isn't coming with them because she's still far too young to be able to handle all of the noise. That and it will be her bedtime before they even leave. So, Xeno's parents have agreed to watch her for the night. Speaking of, Xeno will be here any minute, so if Sirius really does want to come out to his parents before the party he should probably get a move on.
He shoves on a red cable-knit jumper over a white t-shirt and some fancy, black trousers that he found stuffed in the back of his drawer. He will have to settle with wearing his worn trainers because he doesn't want to spend the night in his school shoes, thank you very much. Once he's fluffed up his curls enough that they look light and bouncy, just as he knows Jess likes them, he wanders down to the living room where his parents should be waiting.
They are cuddled together on the couch when he enters the living room and his mum immediately starts cheering and clapping her hands because he actually managed to wear something "nice" rather than dress like, well, his mother. They do have quite similar styles, but Sirius is proud of that. His mum always looks really cool.
Sirius reaches for the chair on the other side of the room and places it in front of the couch before sitting down on it. It's the chair he sat at when he was told he was adopted, so his parents both instantly lean forward like they know whatever he is about to say next is important. His dad has a faint worry line between his eyebrows, whilst his mum watches him with an indecipherable expression.
"I need to tell you both something. It's something I realised about myself... quite a bit ago now, actually. If I'm being honest, I sort of forgot to tell you. I mean, at first, I didn't want to tell you, but now I'm really happy about it, so I am going to tell you. Just- I don't know, be nice about it. Please?"
Understanding seems to dawn on Andy's face and a small, cheeky smile tries to crawl its way onto her face, but she manages to tamp it down into one of support instead. She tells him to carry on and so Sirius just... does it.
"I'm gay. Very much gay, like a broken ruler," he doesn't mean to say that last part, but suddenly the image of Gideon coming out at Marlene's birthday party pops into his head and he can't help himself.
"I thought you were going to say you got someone pregnant," Ted blurts out, visibly deflating in relief over the fact that his very gay son did not, in fact, get a girl pregnant.
"What? Ew, no. Dad," Sirius whines, feeling embarrassed as his cheeks heat up.
"I already knew," Andy announces smugly. She turns to her husband. "How on earth could you think that he would get a girl pregnant?"
"Well, I don't know," his dad shrugs helplessly, glancing at Sirius for backup, but Sirius just shakes his head and smirks. "I feel like you're both going to bully me about this for a long time."
"Oh, we will," his mum nods solemnly.
"For a long, long time," Sirius says.
"A long, long, long time," Andy adds.
"A long, long, long, long-"
"Alright, I get it, I'm an idiot," Ted announces, holding his hands up in surrender. He turns to his son. "So, any boys tickle your fancy? James is nice, what about him?"
"James? No, dad, he's like a brother to me," Sirius proclaims, his face twists into a repulsed expression. Then, a bit shyly, he adds, "Besides, I've already got a boyfriend."
His mum opens her mouth as if she's about to say something, but then, slowly, she closes it. After another moment, she simply asks, "Who is it?"
"You've never met him before, but his name is Jess and he's going to be at the party tonight. You can't be embarrassing if I introduce him to you, okay?" Sirius points a stern finger towards his parents, who share an amused look before bursting into laughter. Sirius frowns. "This is serious!"
"It's not all about you, actually," Andy manages to say through her laughter. Sirius tuts - it is only okay when he makes a serious Sirius joke. "It's also about Jess."
"Yes, Sirius, romantic relationships are a cooperative sort of bond," Ted snorts.
"You aren't funny," Sirius states plainly, crossing his arms. A deep part of him is secretly relieved that his parents reacted to his news in this way, by making ridiculous jokes just like they would if he admitted to them that he had a girlfriend. "Please, just promise me you won't be all weird and make him uncomfortable."
"Of course, we won't make him uncomfortable," Ted promises, still trying to come down from his giggle fit.
"I will do no such thing," his mum states.
"You're such a Slytherin," Sirius shakes his head disapprovingly.
"Oh, what house is he in?"
"He's a Gryffindor," Sirius answers.
"You don't share a dorm with him," Andy affirms, cocking her head to the side. "Is he older or younger?"
"...Older. Why?"
"How much older?"
"He's in the year above and there are only five months between us," Sirius rolls his eyes as he explains. He knows he was making jokes a few days ago about Jess being old, but it's only funny when he does it.
"That's fine then," his mum nods.
"I'd date him even if it wasn't fine," Sirius counters.
"You take after your mum in that way," Ted murmurs, smirking in a very un-Hufflepuff way.
"You did not just say that, Edward!" Andy gapes at him, but there's an amused glint in her eyes that tells Sirius she isn't actually mad about the, slightly extreme, joke.
"Oh, but I did, actually-"
"You're secretly a Slytherin at heart-"
"How dare you!"
"Much better than being a fragile, little badger."
"I thought you liked that I was a badger?"
"Yeah, one that likes playing with snakes. You know it's a terrible sign when someone plays with toys that can harm them?"
"Did you just call yourself a toy?"
"It's alright when I do it. It would be disrespectful if-"
Sirius blocks his parents' banter out. They are clearly too distracted for him to get a word in now. He sort of likes seeing them like this because, even if they are insulting each other, it shows how much they truly love each other. How similar they are, even if one was brought up in a world of sunshine, whilst the other was surrounded with shadows for the first half of her life.
There's a knock at the door and Sirius goes down to answer it, leaving his parents to their weird flirty repartee. He walks through the dark, empty shop and opens the front door, where the CLOSED sign is pressed against the window. Xeno and his parents are standing just outside, waiting to be let in. Sirius greets them and lets them know his parents are in the living room, so they all make their way upstairs.
His parents spend about ten minutes talking to Viera and Soniniqus, telling them that they've put Dora's cot in the living room so that they aren't too far from her. They promise they will be back by midnight at the absolute latest, knowing how Sirius and Xeno both like to stay until they can say Merry Christmas to their friends. Then, they're off through the fireplace and landing abruptly in the Potters' living room.
James is nearby and grins as soon as he sees them, lunging forward to hug Sirius as if he hasn't seen him in weeks, rather than three days. He then hugs Xeno because James is kind like that. Then, he's dragging them off through the crowd of people and Sirius is immediately thankful for James Potter because he is taking them straight to where Jess is. The moment Jess' eyes settle on Sirius, he hurries forward and they meet in the middle with a firm hug. They pull away and Jess goes to step back, but Sirius pulls him forward and kisses him warmly before he can get too far.
"I told my parents," he says giddily.
"Merlin, Sirius, that's great!" Jess grins and tugs Sirius in again to press another firm kiss to his lips. "Do you think I should introduce myself to them?"
"It would probably be best to get it over and done with, yes," Sirius nods. "They are nice people, but they're also parents, you know."
"Yeah, I know," Jess chuckles. "Lead the way."
Sirius waves at Remus, Marlene and James who are waiting to the side before he goes off to find his parents again. He locates them near the refreshments, speaking with an older Wizard whose hair is balding and white, and a man about the same age as them, maybe a bit younger. He's got scars all over his face and ginger-blonde hair that trickles down in waves around his face, looking greasy like he's put gel in it. His eyes dart around the room nervously, like he's expecting someone to jump him at any moment. Sirius has never seen either of the men before, but his parents seem to know who they are. They look like they're having a serious conversation.
When Sirius approaches them with Jess at his side, their hands linked between them, he clears his throat to get their attention. All four adults turn to look at the interruption. The old man grumbles something and then marches off. The scarred man eyes Sirius up and down, his eyebrows draw together like Sirius is some kind of puzzle he doesn't quite understand, it makes his skin feel tight around his bones. For the first time since his parents announced his adoption to him, he wonders if other adults know who he really is. He wonders if they look at him and question whether he is like his true family or not. It makes him sick to even think about.
His parents look between him and Jess, notice their hands, and then smile.
"Sorry, Alastor, we'll have to cut this conversation short for now," Andy says to the man - Alastor apparently. He makes a gruff noise of affirmation and then stumbles off, a limp in his step.
"Hello, Mr and Mrs Tonks. I'm Jess Bell, it is an honour to meet you," Jess grins charmingly at them and holds his hand out. Sirius' dad takes it and shakes it with a kind smile. When Andy does, she must do it a bit too tightly because Jess winces slightly when her hand wraps around his.
"Mum," Sirius snaps quietly.
"It's nice to meet you, too, Jess," Andy replies politely, giving him a genuine smile that tells Sirius she actually does like him.
"Bell, did you say?" Ted questions, pressing a finger to his chin. "Is your father called David, by any chance?"
"He is, sir," Jess nods, smiling. "How do you know him?"
"Oh, call me Ted," he says, waving his hand nonchalantly through the air. "Yes, he was a couple of years ahead of us at school. Nice guy. Helped me with my homework a few times."
"I'll mention it to him when I go home. I'm sure he would find it interesting to know I'm dating your son."
"I'm sure he would, too. Did you come alone?"
"I came with my older brother Anthony," Jess explains. He points to the corner of the crowd of people to where Anthony is currently kissing the cheek of his girlfriend Leslie. "He's over there."
"Spitting image of his father, he is," Sirius' dad chuckles.
"It was lovely to meet you, Jess," Andy says, catching Jess' attention. "Unfortunately, Ted and I should probably go and find Alastor again. He was telling us about something important he's been doing at work and we don't really want to miss it. We'll see you around?"
"See you around," Jess nods and turns to look at Sirius. It is only then that Sirius notices how anxious Jess really is. He hides it well behind handsome smiles and confident laughs, but really he was nervous about this meeting.
When they find their friends again, Mary, Barty, Frank and Alice have joined them. Anthony and Leslie aren't too far away, and when they notice Jess and Sirius have returned, they gather the group to the back of the room and pull out a bottle of firewhisky. As subtly as they can, they share the bottle between them, pouring it into their cups of punch. Mary looks like she could kiss Anthony when he passes her a Kopparberg with a wink.
The night becomes hazy and warm very soon as the alcohol makes it's way into his bloodstream. They dance and sing Christmas songs, avoiding their parents as often as they can so as to not look too suspicious. Xeno even participates in the drinking, which surprises Sirius since Xeno never usually drinks when he comes to parties at Gryffindor Tower.
Jess remains by his side throughout the whole night, even when Sirius starts loudly singing along to Happy Christmas (War Is Over). They only get stuck under the enchanted mistletoe a couple of times, but each time they do they make it count. Jess doesn't seem to care very much whether they are under mistletoe or not, pulling Sirius into a kiss whenever he feels the urge to, and Sirius is always too happy to return the favour.
When eleven o'clock hits, Sirius tells the group he is going to the toilet and Jess pouts as he leaves the home he had made for himself under his arm. Sirius kisses his pout away before hurrying up the stairs in James' house. He goes to the toilet and then, when he's finished, he pulls out the mirror James gave him for his birthday back in first year. James lent his to Lily for Christmas so that they could communicate whilst she and Peter were staying at Hogwarts for the holidays.
"Lily? Oi, Evans!" Sirius shouts.
There's a muffled noise and then Lily's face comes into view. Her eyes are wide and bright as she grins through the glass at him. Peter's head soon comes into view, as well as Azalia's and then Benji jumps in the background to show Sirius that he's there, too.
"Merry almost Christmas!" Lily declares cheerily. "How is the party going?"
"Great! I came out to my parents and they finally met Jess," Sirius announces, blushing as they all making whoop-whoop noises. "Anthony managed to sneak in some alcohol, so I'm feeling a bit wobbly right now, but I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas whilst I'm still coherent enough."
"You're all a bunch of alcoholics," Lily mutters.
"Merry Christmas!" Peter yells.
"Merry Christmas!" Comes Azalia and Benji's mingling voices.
"Where are you guys?" Sirius frowns as he tries to figure it out, but he can't quite tell as most of the mirror is taken up by three faces.
"Gryffindor common room. We're all going to bunk in your guys' room," Azalia explains. "I'm taking your bed, just so you know."
"Yeah, that's fine, just don't leave your hair all over my pillow," Sirius waves his hand.
"Do you think I just shed or something?"
Sirius shrugs. "I dunno how girls' hair works."
"You've literally got long hair," Peter points out.
"I guess."
There's a knock on the door then and it takes Sirius a moment too long to realise that it's on his side of the mirror, not theirs.
"Oh, someone's outside. I'm in the loo at the minute. Should probably go," he frowns dramatically as he makes his way over to the door.
"Okay, call back at some point tomorrow if you can!" Lily smiles.
"Will do," Sirius promises.
They share their goodbyes and then Sirius tucks the mirror in his pocket and opens the door to the bathroom. Remus is on the other side of it, which isn't exactly what he had been expecting, but alright. His drunken mind focuses on the fact that it's Remus behind the door and not Jess, for some reason.
Remus looks a bit miserable. Has he looked like that all night? Sirius hadn't noticed.
"Alright, Moony?" Sirius asks. The corridor is dark but the light from the bathroom bleeds out, illuminating Remus' face.
"Yeah, just had a lot of serious talks in a row and need to breathe for a minute," Remus admits. He always has been more truthful whenever he drinks. "Spoke to your boyfriend." He grumbles as he walks past Sirius and enters the bathroom. He drops to the floor and then his frown grows. He stands up, glances at the bathtub and then, without any hesitation, hops right in before sitting down.
"What did you speak to Jess about?" Sirius asks, letting the bathroom door close behind him as he walks back into the bathroom. He sits on the closed toilet lid, not too far from where Remus is sprawled out in the bath.
"Stuff. You. Me. Just... stuff. He's really nice," Remus scowls once he's said this, which makes Sirius laugh. "You deserve someone like him."
"Do I?" Sirius asks, feeling as sadness seeps into his chest. It feels lingering, like it's been hiding behind all of his newfound happiness, just waiting to be set free.
"Of course, you do," Remus mumbles, sincerity clear in his eyes. "You deserve the best person in the whole world. Is Jess the best? Mm," Remus flattens his palm out in the air and wiggles it around. "He's nice, so he's close."
"You've said that already. He's nice. What does that even mean?" Sirius rests his head in his hands.
"Good kind, he is," Remus nods rapidly. "Yes. He's good for you."
"Then, why do you sound annoyed?"
"I don't know. Do I sound annoyed?" Remus asks.
"Sort of," Sirius says back. "I dunno, I can't tell. 'M really drunk, Moons."
"Best sober up soon because your parents were talking about leaving when they found you," Remus informs him.
"Guess I should go then," Sirius mumbles. He isn't ready to go yet. He would much rather stay here and talk to Remus.
"Guess so," Remus' eyes drop. "Merry Christmas, Sirius."
"Merry Christmas, Remus," Sirius echoes. He stands and feels his head spin slightly, then he walks over to the door. Before he leaves, he looks back once more. Remus is watching him, his eyes hooded and faintly glowing amber. Sirius smiles at him and then heads back downstairs.
Wednesday - 25th December, 1974
Sirius is dancing around the living room to Jingle Bell Rock, Dora tucked into his side, resting on his hip as he bounces them both around and sings to her. She giggles in response, her hair flashing bright pink, something it tends to do whenever she gets very excited. The radio in the corner has been blasting Christmas songs all morning, putting everyone in a jolly mood. This is Dora's first Christmas and they are all trying to make it extra special for her, even though she won't remember it.
Sirius is wearing a (quite hideous) Christmas jumper his nan sent him for Christmas. It's bright red and has a gold bow over the front of it. The worst part is the glitter, there is a lot of it. Dora is wearing an identical jumper to him, but hers is tiny and Sirius can't help but beam whenever he sees the way it drowns her. She is so adorable.
Miriam is currently being chased around the living room by Sirius' dad, whilst her parents sit on the couch and watch as their daughter shrieks with delight, trying to outrun her uncle. She's ten now, so very close to being old enough to get her Hogwarts letter. Sirius is sure she will get one; if the way she made the angel float off the top of the tree earlier is anything to go by, then she will definitely be receiving an invitation to Hogwarts next October.
Elliot and Andy are in the kitchen with Sirius' nan making hot chocolate for everyone. They come into the living room with a tray laden with hot mugs. Elliot is carrying it with a pleased smile, like he's glad they actually let him carry it. He does almost drop it when his fluffy socks slide along the hard floorboards, but Andy just flicks her wand and manages to catch the tray before disaster happens.
Sirius settles down on the couch between his nan and his aunt, gently resting Dora on his lap. She tries to grab at his hot chocolate, but he pulls it out of her reach and tickles her stomach with the hand he's got around her to keep her in place, distracting her into giggling.
"I made yours all by myself," Elliot tells him as he squeezes into the small couch space between Elsie and Sirius.
Sirius takes a sip, feeling as a layer of whipped cream lines his upper lip. He swallows down a mini marshmallow. "Very nice work, Elliot. Better than my mum's," he adds in a whisper, winking. Elliot grins, looking very proud of himself.
The tree twinkles in the corner, a bright, forest green, covered in every possible colour you could think of. A few decorations were made by Sirius back in primary school, a clay snowman that looks more like a melted marshmallow, and a felt gingerbread man. Presents pile at it's base, catching Miriam's eye the most because she has always been the most impatient of them all. She was told they wouldn't be opening presents until after Christmas dinner, so Sirius watches as she bounces antsily in her seat, her eyes jumping not-so-subtly to the presents in the corner of the room. Stockings hang from the fireplace, where they have shut the Floo connection off for the day and set an orange-flamed fire on the logs.
Dora wraps her chubby, little hands around the rim of Sirius' mug, but he keeps it far enough away that she can't actually get any. She stares at the blue cup and a second later her hair is blazing the same colour. Elliot gasps, just like he does every time it happens.
"I still don't understand how she is able to do that," he mumbles.
"Magic, I suppose," Sirius shrugs.
"Why can't you do it?"
"I'm not a metamorphmagus like Dora is," Sirius explains, taking another long sip of his hot chocolate. Elliot laughs when Sirius turns to him with a whipped cream moustache. "Is there something on my face?" He licks the cream off with his tongue, which only sets Elliot off again.
Santa Baby rings through the radio, slow and soft, and Sirius watches as his dad stands up from the couch and holds out a hand to his wife, an eyebrow raised. Andy takes his offered hand and is soon pulled into his arms as they start dancing. She's wearing an elf hat, one of the ones that has elf ears sticking out of it's side and a spiky, red rim of felt. They laugh as they spin each other around. Sirius' aunt and uncle get up next, joining the other couple. Then, Miriam is moving to pull Elliot out of his seat, forcing him to dance around with her. Sirius and his nan watch with wide grins as their family spins around them, the smooth song humming in the background.
"You want to dance, nan?" Sirius asks, turning to her with a questioning glance.
"No, take your sister. My hips are far too old for all of that," she replies, pushing him forward. He takes the hint and gets up to join the rest of them. Dora lets out a noise of delight as Sirius starts to spin her around.
Christmas dinner is an abundance of loud, popping crackers and colourful, paper crowns; gravy manages to get everywhere (mostly curtesy of Dora, Miriam and Sirius) and wine is passed around the table. Miriam complains when Sirius is passed the wine because she still isn't old enough to have any. Last Christmas was the first time he was actually allowed to have any, but never enough to get him drunk. It sits in his stomach and warms him up, tingling just beneath his skin.
Once they've finished eating and taken the dishes back into the kitchen, they all make their way back to the living room where Miriam and Elliot both rush over to the Christmas tree. Sirius sits on the couch with the adults, preferring to remain there with Dora rather than kneeling in front of the tree with his cousins like he usually would.
They pass presents around, opening family ones first. Sirius gets another ugly Christmas jumper, a lot of socks and chocolate, along with other more meaningful presents. He helps Dora rip the wrapping paper off her presents, watching the eager glint in her eyes whenever she realises the gift inside is for her. Miriam screams when she discovers one of her presents is tickets to Florida's Disneyland. It's also for Elliot, but he allows Miriam to have her dramatic moment, smiling fondly at his older sister as she squeezes him into a tight hug. The tickets are for next Spring, four for Elliot, Miriam and their parents. Sirius knows that Miriam has been wanting to go there for years; she absolutely loves Disney, they're her favourite type of films. Sirius is pretty sure she also has copies of all the original picture books.
When Sirius gets around to opening the presents from his friends, he almost cries. James has gotten him a photo album full of moving and still pictures of them all. It's only a quarter way full, so Sirius has the room to add future photos of whatever he wants. The picture on the first page is of Sirius, Remus, James and Peter; they're laying down in the snow, making snow angels. It was taken this year when they all went out to enjoy the snow. Sirius and Remus had ended up wrestling in the snow, starting off a snowball fight. This one is a moving picture. Peter is squinting up at the camera with a wide, boyish grin, his hair blowing slightly in the wind beneath his winter hat. James is laughing at something Sirius is whispering in his ear, his hands clutching his stomach in that way people do when they laugh so hard that their stomach cramps. Sirius is snickering beside James, pleased by whatever joke he made. Then, the photo version of him turns to look at Remus, who is staring at him with warm, amber eyes. His hand is lying in the snow in the space between them, just brushing Sirius' coat like he's trying to get his attention.
It's probably Sirius' favourite present of the day. He gets sweets and chocolate from Alice, Frank, Mary and Peter. Azalia got him a new scarf, which makes Sirius laugh when he remembers how he lost his after putting it on a snowman. Marlene's present makes him grin - it's a new Beater's bat, but it's been carved so that his initials S.E.T. are etched into it, along with a pattern of five-pointed stars that literally dance up the bat.
Remus sent him a tin of pastries from his mam's bakery, as well as a new jumper so that he "stops stealing his". As if Sirius will ever stop doing that. His present from Xeno is a small, wooden dog that Sirius can tell he carved by himself. It's been painted black with bright-silver eyes and red pads on it's feet. It hops around in his palm, tongue lolling out before it barks. He lets Miriam and Elliot admire it, both of whom look awed by the charmed toy.
Lily got him a new set of nail varnish, which reminds him of the Secret Santa present he received. His Secret Santa did reveal their self and Sirius was surprised to find it was Scarlett Stark. He was even more shocked when she handed him a present he would actually use - a set of colourful nail varnishes that shone. Lily's are glittery, so Sirius knows he will use them, too.
He is stupefied to find that Violetta got him a gift, too. When they were all exchanging gifts in the common room before the holidays, Sirius just took his in his arms, not checking who actually got him anything before he packed them away in his trunk. It's nothing massive, just a new set of quills, but they are very good quality and they have his name written on the side of them. He is just glad that he thought to get her something, too, otherwise he would have felt bad if he didn't when she got him a present.
The final present Sirius opens is from Jess. He blushes when he reads the label and notices all of the kisses after Jess' name. His mum reads it over his shoulder and raises her eyebrows as she smirks.
When he pulls the wrapping paper away, he finds a white square with a small note written on the front of it: I know how much you like your Muggle music, Tonksy. I heard this and it made me think of the way you dance when you think no one is watching you.
Curious, Sirius pulls away the white layer of paper to reveal a vinyl called Kung Fu Fighting and Other Great Love Songs. There's a man on the front with a red bandana tied around his head, his teeth are bared and his fist is pointed outwards like he's about to fight or fist bump someone. He recognises the song Kung Fu Fighting, it was one of the songs on Remus' Top of the Pops record. It is one of Sirius' favourites, one of the ones that always gets him dancing.
"That must have been expensive," his nan says as she leans forwards to get a better look at the present. "Whoever got you this must like you very much."
Sirius blushes and his nan notices. She smiles at him knowingly. "So, who's the lucky fella?"
Sirius gawps at her. "How did you know?"
"I know everything," she shrugs simply. "Whoever he is, he looks like a keeper to me. Is he a Wizard, too?"
"Yes, he's in the year above me at school. His name is Jess," Sirius feels as his shoulders relax slightly and he hadn't even realised he was feeling anxious about telling his nan. He supposes it's probably because she is from a much older, much more judgemental generation, and so a large part of him was afraid she wouldn't accept that part of him.
"Nice, respectable name," she nods. "Is he handsome?"
Sirius feels flustered as he hisses, "Nan!"
"What? I'd like to know if I'm going to have beautiful great-grandchildren."
"Great-grandchildren ?" Sirius squeaks. "We've only been together for a couple of months."
"Like I said, he looks like a keeper. So, tell me, is he handsome?" His nan presses.
"I- yes. He's, erm, very handsome. Actually, I've got a picture of him in here." Sirius reaches down to his pile of presents down by his feet and picks up the photo album from James. He flips to the third page and finds the picture Lily took of him and Jess sitting on the couch in the common room. Sirius is leaning back against Jess' chest, staring at the camera with surprised eyes. He hadn't been expecting the camera that Lily whipped out, not until he saw the flash. Jess, Sirius now notices, was looking down at him, watching him with an affectionate expression, his arms wrapped around Sirius' shoulders.
"He looks as smitten as a kitten with you," his nan whispers, nudging Sirius as she grins cheekily at him. "You were right, he is very handsome. You should bring him here to meet us all when we come to visit over the summer."
"Alright, I'll see what he thinks," Sirius agrees, smiling and feeling much happier than he thought he could be.
Friday - 27th December, 1974
Once Sirius' family have left Cornwall, he goes straight over to Xeno's house to thank him for his present. He hasn't had the chance to see him since the Potters' Christmas Eve party a few nights ago and he misses him a bit. Sirius has spent three days straight with his family and, while he does adore them, he needs a break.
When he makes it to the Lovegood's house, he bangs down on the eagle door knocker that he now realises is almost identical to the one outside the Ravenclaw's common room. He wonders if that was coincidental or if Xeno knew about it and chose this specific door knocker for his house because of that.
The door opens and Sirius is not only greeted by one familiar white-haired boy, but two. Astro stands by Xeno's side, hands in his pockets and a small smile in the corner of his mouth. Xeno grins at Sirius and pulls him into the house without any prior warning, so Sirius stumbles a bit over the welcome mat.
"I was wondering when you would finally show up," Xeno says as a way of greeting him. "Today is a very important day!"
"It is?" Sirius questions uncertainly, eyes jumping to Astro, who just shrugs like he knows as much (or, more accurately, as little) as Sirius does.
"Yes, I can't say why, not yet. I've been waiting for today for years," Xeno squeals before grabbing his coat off the rack in the entryway and throwing it on over his turquoise, striped linen shirt and jeans. Sirius isn't sure he's seen Xeno look so formal before. Well, formal for him anyway. His usual four necklaces still sit around his neck and his hands are emblazoned with gemmed rings. He passes Astro his coat, which Astro takes slowly before putting it on, sending Sirius a puzzled look. Apparently, they weren't planning on leaving now, but Xeno doesn't tend to tell people what he plans to do next anyway, so they just go along with it. Xeno chucks his shoulder-length hair up into a bun, a few loose hair dangle down into his pale face.
Sirius doesn't miss the way Astro's eyes widen slightly when Xeno turns his bright grin on him. He doesn't point it out because it's none of his business, but he is pretty sure Xeno's crush is not just one-sided.
They leave the Lovegood residence, Astro and Sirius follow Xeno as he leads them up the windy street. Sirius has no clue where his intended destination is at first, not until his own house comes into view and Xeno starts marching towards it.
"Wait, we're going to my house?" Sirius asks, not entirely minding if they are, but still a bit confused as to why.
"Yeah. Is that okay?" Xeno is a bit breathless as he asks. They have sort of marched all the way here, so they're all a little bit out of breath.
"Sure, but I'm pretty sure my mum's friend is visiting. So long as we stay out of their way, I don't think she'll mind," Sirius says.
"Brilliant."
The bell to the shop rings as they enter the front door. Sirius' dad is behind the front desk, he does a double take when he notices the three of them walk in, like he wasn't expecting his own son to walk into his own home at anytime during the day. He jumps up from his seat and walks over to the three teenagers, a polite but tight, like it's forced, smile on his face.
"Hello, Xeno," Ted nods. "Who's your friend?"
"Astro, dad, remember? He's been 'round the Lovegood's before," Sirius raises his eyebrows like this should be obvious. Honestly, adults have the worst memories.
"Oh, right. Nice to... see you again," Ted smiles kindly at Astro, who shyly smiles back. It's obvious that his dad doesn't remember the boy, but Sirius appreciates the effort.
"Is it alright if we hang out in my room? We won't interrupt mum and her friend or anything, don't worry," Sirius promises as he starts to walk towards the tower, not waiting for his dad's response. Ted, surprisingly, follows him.
"I thought you were staying at Xeno's today?" His dad leans against the doorframe that leads to the tower, blocking their way in a move that Sirius is sure is supposed to look nonchalant, but it clearly looks like he's hiding something.
"We were going to, but then we decided to come here instead. Dad, what are you doing?" Sirius groans as he lightly moves his dad out of the way. He moves easily, but stares after them as if he isn't sure whether to try and stop them again or not.
"Alright, that's fine. Just... just stay in your room, okay?" Ted suggests imploringly. "Just for a couple of hours."
"Okay," Sirius agrees, feeling a bit bewildered by his dad's strange reaction.
Sirius, Xeno and Astro make their way up the stairs and to his bedroom. His room isn't as messy as it was before Christmas because his mum made him clean it before his cousins came over, since he was apparently their "influence" being the oldest cousin. There are a few random items placed haphazardly around the room, Christmas presents he hasn't put away yet. He notices his top drawer is open and has a pair of his pyjama bottoms hanging out of it, so he rushes to quickly tidy that up. After one more subtle glance around his room, he decides it is clean enough for the company he has.
"Does anyone want a drink or something to eat? We've still got a whole packet of mini marshmallows left over from Christmas, so I can make us hot chocolate if you'd like?"
"That sounds nice," Xeno nods, smiling as he sits down on the edge of Sirius' bed.
"Yes, please," Astro adds, sitting down next to Xeno, close enough for their legs to brush together. Both boys' cheeks flush red and Sirius smirks as he turns to leave the room.
"Would you like some help?" Xeno asks.
"Nah, 's okay," Sirius speaks over his shoulder before jogging down the stairs. The living room is empty, so he assumes his mum and her friend are probably upstairs in her bedroom or something. However, as he enters the kitchen, he notices two people sitting at the table. His mum is perched on the bench, so she is facing him; her eyes widen as she notices him and Sirius recognises something close to worry on her face. There's a man in the seat opposite her, so Sirius can only make out the back of his head. His hair is jet-black and cropped, but it's clear his hair would fall in curls were it longer and given the chance to. It's sprinkled with little silver hairs, which tells Sirius he must be quite old, at least Andy's age.
At the sight of Sirius' mum's shock, the man turns around to see what she's looking at. His eyes fall on Sirius and his mouth drops open in surprise for only a split second before he studies his expression into a pleasant smile.
"Oh, hello," the man says, his eyes crinkle, crows feet etched in their corners as he grins. "You must be Sirius."
"Hello," Sirius replies, shaking his head to gather himself. He returns the man's smile. "Sorry. I was just coming to make some hot chocolate. I've got some friends over. I didn't mean to interrupt."
"Friends?" Andy quirks her eyebrow.
"Xeno and Astro," Sirius explains, his eyes jumping to his mum.
"Oh, I don't mind," the man flicks his hand through the air in a careless gesture. "My name's Alphard, by the way."
"Sorry, I should have asked," Sirius mentally scolds himself, sending the man- Alphard an apologetic look. "Would you- Do you guys want anything to drink whilst I'm putting the kettle on?" He offers, hoping it will make up for his terrible manners.
"How are your hot chocolates?" Alphard asks, narrowing his eyes teasingly.
Sirius feels his nerves settle slightly as he smirks cockily. "To die for."
"I'll have one of those then, if they're going."
"Mum?" Sirius tilts his head towards his mum, who has been watching the interaction between the two of them in silence.
"Oh, no, thank you, mon trésor. I've still got some tea left," she raises her mug before taking a long sip from it.
Sirius turns his back on the two adults and starts to fill the kettle up. He grabs four mugs from the cupboards, choosing one of their fancier china ones for Alphard because he looks rich if his clothes are anything to go by. As he gets on with making everyone's drinks, he thinks about how his mum could possibly know this man. He remembers his dad mentioning him a few years ago, his mum had gone to visit him during Sirius' first year. Have they seen each other since? Were they friends at Hogwarts?
He turns around, hoping to sneak a peek at the man to get some more visual information on him, but he finds that both adults are already looking at him. He feels suddenly shy, but he doesn't back down. Instead, he leans back against the counter and waits for one of them to say something. It's Alphard who speaks first.
"So, I hear you're a Gryffindor. Very interesting indeed."
"Is it?"
"Yes, well, considering your mother was a Slytherin," Alphard explains, still giving Sirius that gentle smile. "Although, I suppose that doesn't mean much considering your father was a Hufflepuff."
Sirius doesn't quite know what to say in response to that, so he just chuckles nervously.
"Got a favourite subject?" Alphard continues.
"Transfiguration, probably," Sirius shrugs. "Astronomy's great, too. It's easy."
"Astronomy, eh?" Alphard's eyes flick over to Sirius' mum before landing back on Sirius. "Well, with a name like Sirius I can understand why that would be."
"Your name is the name of a star, too," Sirius says. His words catch up to him only a moment later and he feels like a light has just flickered on in his mind. The kettle pops, interrupting his thoughts entirely. He turns around and starts working on the hot chocolates. He adds whipped cream and marshmallows on top. Just as he's finishing up on the last one, Xeno and Astro enter the room.
"Sorry, we just wanted to see if you were alright. You've been gone for quite a bit," Xeno explains. He turns to Andy and Alphard and grins. "Oh, hello, Andy! And... I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch your name?" He holds his hand out.
"I'm Alphard," he says, taking Xeno's hand in his. Alphard's eyes flick over to Astro and his polite expression slips as he takes in the boy's face. "And you are...?"
"This is our friend," Xeno jumps in to say before Astro even gets the chance. He puts his hands over Astro's shoulders and leads him forward, urging him to shakes Alphard's hand just as he did a moment before. Astro does, if a bit timidly, whilst Alphard just looks bemused. "His name is Astro Sayre."
Alphard stills.
"Here is your drink," Sirius announces as he places the mug down on the table in front of Alphard, who is staring up at Astro with wide, curious eyes.
"Sayre, did you say?" Alphard asks, his eyes briefly moving from Astro's face to look at Xeno.
"Yes, his mother's name," Xeno nods blithely like he hasn't a care in the world. "You probably wouldn't have heard of her, she's a Muggle. So, if you think you recognise the name, you might have heard it elsewhere."
"Oh, yes," Alphard breathes, his face looking much paler than it had done only moments before. "So, you're a Muggleborn then?" Alphard grins, turning back to Astro.
"No, I'm a Half-Blood," Astro mumbles, appearing to be just as befuddled by the turn of this conversation as Sirius feels. "My father was a Wizard."
"Was?" Alphard echoes faintly.
"I never knew him," Astro frowns as he explains his life story to this stranger. He spares an accusing glance at Xeno, who is staring at him as if he is waiting for Astro to do something. Sirius has no idea what. He has absolutely no fucking clue what's going on right now. He's silently standing to the side, holding Xeno and Astro's hot chocolates, the whipped cream is slowly sinking into it, but he doesn't interrupt whatever is happening because it feels significant.
"Ah," Alphard nods, swallowing thickly. He exhales slowly, opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. "Your mother's name, what is it? Maybe I have heard of her."
"I doubt it," Astro averts his eyes to the floor. He doesn't like talking about his mother nowadays, though Sirius has no idea why. He just knows not to bring her up in conversation, not unless he wants Astro to curl in on himself, metaphorically speaking. "She didn't get around the Wizarding World much."
"Didn't?"
"Doesn't," Astro corrects, his entire face is blazing red like he's embarrassed to even mention her. "She's called Aurelia."
The bulb in the light above the table explodes, causing everyone in the kitchen to jump, except Alphard, who remains still in his seat. Andy uses her wand to clean up the mess and repair the light, before turning on Alphard.
"Was that you?"
Alphard doesn't answer her, doesn't even seem to hear her as his eyes remain on Astro, who just looks a bit pissed off by all of the attention now. He steps back as Alphard stands from his chair, taking a small step forward. At the sight of Astro slowly retreating, Alphard blinks himself out of whatever trance he was just in and moves away from the boy.
"Sorry. I- uh- I should probably go. I need to- there's some place I need to be," Alphard stumbles over his words as he hurries to leave the kitchen. They all stare after him with equally confused expressions, except for Xeno. He's looking at Astro with avid eyes, waiting for him to say or do something.
"I'm just going to go and check that he's alright, okay?" Sirius' mum murmurs, almost as an afterthought, as she follows Alphard out of the room.
"Well, that was really weird," Sirius states, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had filled the room. He passes Xeno his hot chocolate and then gives Astro his. "Do you reckon he knows your mum?"
Astro, whose eyes haven't left the empty doorway since the two adults in the room sprung through it, pivots on his feet to look at Sirius. "I don't know how he could. My mum always said..."
"Said what?" Xeno whispers, reaching out to gently press his hand against Astro's arm.
"She always said the only person she ever met from the Wizarding World was my... was my father," Astro's voice grows silent as he says the final word. He frowns and looks directly at Xeno. "Did you plan this?" His tone is full of accusation as his eyes search Xeno's face for the truth.
"No, this was going to happen either way. I... You know I don't get to change what I see, Ast," Xeno says, but for the first time since Sirius met him he sounds unsure.
"But you knew?" Astro's voice rises slightly.
"Knew what?" Sirius asks, completely lost.
"Xenophilius," Astro uses his name like a command and Xeno, hopelessly, obliges to whatever it is that Astro is demanding him for.
"I knew," he admits.
Astro's face falls with hurt as he stares at his friend, a look of complete and utter betrayal on his face. He stares down at his mug of hot chocolate, watching as the marshmallows sink below the surface, the whipped cream completely gone now, dissolved into the drink.
"H-His eyes," Astro swallows, his eyebrows furrowed in a way that makes it look like he's about to cry. "Did you see them?"
Xeno nods, his hand drifting up Astro's arm to rest on his shoulder. "I did. Just like yours." At the confirmation, Astro takes in a stuttering breath, his eyes never leave Xeno's. It's like he is using the other boy to ground himself, to stop himself from breaking down when he really looks like he will.
Sirius takes in the words they've just shared between them, words he isn't sure he was supposed to overhear, but now that he has he can't exactly ignore them. Forget about them. No. If he's right, then what they're saying is that Alphard, whoever the hell he is, is Astro's father.
Sirius really did not expect this to be happening today.
He sort of sees it coming when not even half-an-hour later Xeno decides to take Astro back to his house. They barely drink their hot chocolates and the atmosphere feels awkward and strained as they sit silently in Sirius' bedroom. He doesn't mind, of course. He can't even imagine what Astro must be going through. It would be like if Sirius met his birth parents, only... Astro's father actually abandoned him, whilst Sirius' birth parents lost him because one was abusive and one loved him enough to give him away.
As soon as they're gone, Sirius marches up the stairs to the living room and finds his mum sitting on the couch with Dora in her lap. She looks pensive, which isn't something irregular. His mother usually tends to look like she's thinking deeply about something or other, there's always so much going on in that head of hers.
Sirius sighs as he sits down beside her. Their eyes meet. "Did you know?" He speaks gently, almost a whisper.
"I didn't," Andy responds, baffled. "Alphard didn't either. He had no idea."
"Really? Because Astro said his father abandoned his mother when she was pregnant with him," Sirius raises an eyebrow, feeling defensive over his friend. He doesn't care how nice Alphard seemed.
"No, Alphard..." Andy sighs. She looks down at her daughter and her expression crumples into one of regret. "It's my fault."
"How on earth could it possibly be your fault?" Sirius asks incredulously.
"Alphard, he was one of the people who helped me get custody of you. He's my... friend. A very old friend, very dear to me. His family, however, disapproved of our friendship because of my relationship with your father," she scowls and shakes her head. "So, when he helped me out with you, he did it in secret. But once it was all over, he had to leave for a little while, get away from it all so as to not raise suspicion of his involvement. He stayed away long enough that people in the Wizengamot would forget, those who knew what he did anyway. In doing so, he had to leave Aurelia behind. He had no idea she was pregnant at the time, Sirius. Aurelia would have barely been three months pregnant when he left."
"Oh," Sirius breathes out, trying to process all of this new information at once. He gives himself a second before he speaks again. "How come he never went back to find Aurelia?"
"He was afraid she would still be upset with him for leaving," Sirius' mum replies with a sad smile. "He still loves her, you know. I'm the only person he ever told about her because, again, his family never would have approved. He only confided in me when I got with your dad."
"You keep talking about his family, but who even are they?" Sirius watches as his mum's guard is thrown up and he can already tell she doesn't want to answer him. So, in a very Slytherin-like fashion, he raises his eyebrows and says, "You know Astro will figure it out and he'll tell me. So, either way I'll know the truth."
"Alright, Sirius, but if I tell you then you can't breath a word of it to anyone, okay? Not a soul. Alphard's family still have no idea, after all these years. It will make his life incredibly difficult if they find out," his mum implores, using her most serious voice.
"I promise, I won't tell anyone. I won't even speak to Astro about it, unless he approaches me first," Sirius swears.
"Alphard's full name is Alphard Pollux Black."
Sirius' eyes widen at the confession. Black ? As in Regulus Black ? So, Astro is related to him. Unless, his mum is talking about a different family. Though Sirius only knows of one Pureblood family that goes by that name. He can't believe it. Can't even fathom it. Does this mean Astro and Regulus are cousins? Second cousins? They are so unlike each other-
But are they ? They both have the same aristocratic features and sickly, pale skin. He supposes their eyes are fairly similar and they're both quite short for boys their age. He pictures Astro with black hair instead of white and realises that, actually, it makes a lot of sense. What the fuck. They are both quiet most of the time and, as much as Sirius hates to compliment Regulus Black in any way, they are both incredibly smart.
Sirius doesn't ask anymore questions, knowing he could now get the answers himself if he really wanted to. All he would have to do is look in a book about family lineage trees. Instead, he stews in this newfound information for a very long time, wondering how on earth he could have missed something so obvious.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
mon trésor = my treasure (French)MENTIONS:
-I love the idea of Slug Club Secret Santa. I feel like it would be so fun, but maybe that's just me.
-Calvin and Bracia hints 👀 okay, but just listen. they would be so cute. a little Slytherin and Gryffindor Captains romance? yes, please.
-okay SO Regulus had no idea that being gay was a thing... Don't judge him, he grew up with Walburga and she definitely would have hid things she disapproved of from him as much as she could. it was only a matter of time before he found out though, so let's see what he does with this new information 😏
-ALSO sorry to those of you who thought they would find Andromeda through Ted.. His full name is Edward, remember? another dead end. I swear there is a reason to all of this! I'm not just dragging it out for the fun of it, trust me 😭😭
-I do love how James is the person who explains to Regulus what a queer relationship is. also, they're literally holding hands throughout the whole conversation. how oblivious can two people get???
-Regulus' jealousy of Lily is so funny to me, he's so stupid. James makes him stupid 😭
-Scarlett and Regulus are officially just friends to the skittles whoooo! It was about time, honestly. It's been about a year and a half.
-why are Barty and Mary actually cute? I'm over here giggling and kicking my feet over a couple I KNOW are going to break up.
-Barty and James friendship! I have so many plans for this duo later on jsyk :D
-James' whole "how much do you know?" moment to Lily is making me cackle for some reason. Also, Lily Evans is slaying in this chapter - she knows what's up even before the boys do.
-sooooo any guesses for who Reg's Secret Santa was?
-the notebooks. okay, so they're kind of like James and Sirius' mirrors, but you write on them instead. I just thought it would be a cute gift. also, Regulus knows how much James worries, especially after everything that happened with Harry, so this gift would mean so much to James and Regulus knows it. INVISIBILITY HAT - it isn't permanent, but it'll do for now.
-so I did make Barty's birthday the same day as Voldemort's.. we're not going to talk about it. I just feel like it makes sense that out of all people Barty would have been born on a holiday like New Year's Eve.
-Pandora having her whole "HE WILL RETURN TONIGHT- HE WHO BETRAYED HIS FRIENDS, WHOSE HEART ROTS WITH MURDER SHALL BREAK FREE-" (idk the words) moment. I wonder who she was talking about? "The dog" might have given it away..
-Regulus holding Pandora's hair back <3 Regulus comforting Evan <3 Also, Regulus figuring out (fucking finally) that Evan likes Barty. It only took him three and a half years 🙄
-Alice and Frank appreciation moment. I absolutely adore them. AND Jess and Sirius, couple goals honestly. At this point, I'm just living vicariously through all of them.
-I love Ted and Andy's reactions to Sirius coming out. especially Ted, I actually laughed out loud when I was rereading this to edit it. "James is nice, what about him?" 😭😭 Andy and Ted are so cute, too <3
-I did manage to sneak that Christmas song in there, if anyone noticed 👀
-We will get a Remus POV of the Potters' party next chapter, which means we'll find out what he spoke to Jess about :)
-Sirius' Muggle family is so dear to me, especially Miriam and Elliot. They're so cute :( Also, his nan is based off my great-nan who is great btw and literally let me have a bottle of prosecco at her 90th bday because she's an icon.
-Astro and Xeno <3
-ALPHARD IS BACK! yeah, so, he's like a cat. he just comes and goes as he pleases. he finally met Sirius whoop whoop
-I have had the whole Alphard being Astro's dad thing planned for MONTHS and I've been so impatient. Anyway. I don't know how none of you guessed it. Astro's name literally means star. Yes, this does mean he is cousins with Sirius, but they obviously don't know that yet.
-We know a little bit more about Andy's past. I love slowly revealing all these little bits about the past!
-I love how when Sirius is listing out the similarities between Astro and Regulus, he's just listing out his own features. He's so silly. Also, Sirius is finally learning that his mum knows things about the Black family :))
-In case anyone was wondering, here's what people got from their Secret Santas: Lily had Scarlett and she bought her a rare book on the unfair treatment of magical creatures, Xeno got Barty and bought him a necklace that gets warm when he lies, Snape got Pandora and bought her sugar quills.Thank you so much for all the support and love on the last chapter! Sorry this is out late, I have had a very busy week. This is a long one to make up for the late post. See you next week <3
Chapter 50: Fourth Year: The Broken
Summary:
Remus speaks to Marie. Christmas. James faces his fears.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-adultery (a background character)
-angst
-underage drinking
-brief reference to mental abuse by a parent
-mention of self-harm (not from the character's pov/someone digging their nails into their palms)
-briefest mention of blood and scars
-seizure warning (very brief)
-mention of dislocated shoulders and toes/scars (werewolf injuries)
-brief mention of child abuse (stinging hex)
-mention a child's death/attacked by animals/drowning (not graphic)
-hylophobia (fear of forests)James' POV is quite short in this one.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sometimes when I close my eyes
I picture us in twenty years time
Where it all worked out, we bought a house and settled down
I know we could do it if we tried
~ Henry Moodie
Sunday - 22nd December, 1974
Remus
Since he's been home, Remus hasn't seen his friends yet. He spent the previous evening catching up with his parents and cleaning out the stables. Believe it or not, he actually volunteered to do that, mainly because he's missed the horses, but also because he wanted an excuse to have to stay home, rather than his mam suggest he go and find his friends. If he's being truthful, he's been dreading the holidays, which has never happened before.
He left Wales in the summer feeling excited for the new school year and over the moon with happiness over his relationship with Marie. Sure, they had their problems, like how they had a silent agreement to never bring up the Wizarding World. Whenever it would come up in conversation, Remus would change the subject or tell Marie as little as possible. He didn't want her to be a part of that world then and he still doesn't now. It's far too dangerous, especially nowadays with all of the attacks that have been happening. Remus worries enough about his mam, he doesn't need to start worrying about Marie, too.
Then, there's the fact that Marie has informed Remus on multiple occasions that she's been finding it difficult to keep his secret from the rest of their friends. This only leads to them arguing through letters because Remus can't have Cara, Felix and Hugo knowing. He just can't. It's bad enough that Marie knows what she does about him, but if the rest of them did? He can't even begin to imagine how they would all look at him, probably with disgust or hatred because he's hid such a massive secret about himself from them since they met. Felix will likely accuse him of betrayal because they've known each other almost their whole lives.
Remus did eventually write Marie back to apologise about what he was saying about Sirius and Jess. So, they technically aren't fighting anymore, but Remus feels like there are still a lot of things between them that have gone unsaid. He's afraid to face it all, to face Marie. Maybe that makes him a coward, but so be it. Marie has always been able to see right through him and Remus is afraid of what she'll find when she looks at him this time. He's changed since the summer, something in him has shifted; he can't quite place what specifically has evolved, but it feels consequential, like the tectonic plates of his soul are finally shifting into place, and it hurts. Whatever is happening within him, whatever is changing, it's hurting him. He knows, as soon as Marie sees him, she'll know what's going on and Remus doesn't want to name it yet because he's scared that if he does, the pain will only worsen - possibly enough to rip a hole right through him.
He's had enough of tearing himself apart for one lifetime, thanks.
Unfortunately, he can't evade his friends forever, not without them putting up a fight first. He remembers back in first year when he completely neglected to tell them that he wouldn't be going to school in Wales for the next seven years, and when he had finally returned home for Easter, they each had a lot to say to him. Marie especially.
His parents leave the house early for Sunday Mass and so Remus has the house to himself for an hour or two. He uses the small bubble of privacy to get his homework done, taking advantage of the silent house.
Remus manages to get his Herbology and Transfiguration essays done, but is still struggling with his Defence essay (because their professor rejected to teach them anything of importance all term) when there is a knock at the door. He assumes it's his parents after a quick glance at the clock. They usually advise him to keep the door locked when they are gone and he's home alone, for safety reasons. Still, they usually take their own key with them, so he's confused as to why they are knocking at all. That is until he opens the door and comes face-to-face with four teenagers who are definitely not his parents.
Usually, Marie is the first person on his doorstep, eager to see him, a bright smile waiting on her face just for him. However, unexpectedly, it's Felix who he sees first, followed by Cara, and then Hugo, and then Marie. His eyes fall on her like they can't help but magnetise towards her whenever she's in his view. For once, she isn't looking at him. No, her eyes are on the ground like the dirt is much more interesting than he could ever be.
"So, are you going to let us in or do we have to freeze out here for the rest of the day?" Cara asks bluntly, making it a point to shiver where she stands. Felix instantly turns to her and offers his jacket, which only makes Cara roll her eyes. Remus doesn't miss the way her lips quirk up in a pleased manner.
"Oh, yeah, come in," Remus jumps to the side to allow them all across the barrier separating the chilly outdoors from his warm house. Felix pats him on the shoulder as he passes, whilst Cara sends him a look that somehow manages to portray both her anger and her sympathy towards him (he's assuming Marie has been speaking with her - great). Hugo smiles politely at him and then, there she is. Marie glances up and her blue eyes meet his own, timid and a bit dull. Remus has never seen her look so miserable before. She's always sparkling, glowing bright enough to blind everyone around her so that no one ever misses her. Remus has managed to dim her light and it fills him with nothing but shame.
"Hi," Remus breathes. He doesn't think Marie will return his brief smile, but she does. It's nothing like her usual dazzling grin, but it does instil a dash of hope into him.
"Hello," she responds before hurrying out of the cold and into the heated kitchen.
Remus closes the door and leads them all through to the living room. Felix comes up beside him and starts talking his ear off about their new History teacher, who apparently has a perpetual cold and is always blowing his nose loud enough to make the entire class jump. Remus subtly tucks his half-finished Defence essay under the coffee table, out of the way of his friends.
"How are things, Remus?" Felix questions once he's finally stopped jabbering on about his unhygienic history teacher.
"Oh, you know," Remus shrugs, his eyes briefly jump over to Marie, who is now seated on one of the couches next to Hugo. "Can't complain," he mumbles and it is obvious to anyone with ears that he very much could complain about the way his life is going right now.
"That's good to hear," Felix nods, looking unsure of what to say next. "And your friends? How is everyone?"
"They're all doing great. Did I tell you that Lily got a guitar last year? She's been learning songs all year and she finally showed us all one a couple of weeks ago," Remus explains, finding it easy to talk about his Hogwarts friends.
"Is she any good?" Cara speaks up from where she's splayed out on the couch across from Hugo and Marie.
"She's amazing," Remus' eyes widen. "Next time she comes over, I'll get her to bring her guitar."
"What about Sirius?" Hugo asks.
"He's fine," Remus nods. "He's dating someone now and he helped this girl get away from her horrible friends, so now she's a part of our group. She's called Violetta."
"Nice. Sirius is dating someone, you said?" Hugo raises his eyebrows like he's shocked to hear this. Remus frowns, confused.
"Yeah, some guy called Jess." Clearing his throat, Remus attempts to change the subject. "So, does anyone want a drink or a snack? I'm sure my mam's got a cake in the fridge, she always does. I'll just go get some."
He hurries out of the living room and makes his way back through to the kitchen, where he opens the fridge door and just catches his breath for the second that he's hidden. It doesn't last very long, not before his second is interrupted by Felix, who pulls out a chair at the table, making Remus jump back in surprise.
"Oh, it's just you," Remus mutters before he thinks about what he's even saying. When he looks at Felix, he finds him watching him with a knowing look. Remus sighs and closes the fridge, completely forgetting about the cake he is supposed to be retrieving for the rest of them. "What have you heard?" He asks as he takes a seat opposite Felix.
"Not all of it," Felix admits, sending Remus a wincing smile. "Enough to know that you're likely in deep shit, mate."
"Bollocks," Remus runs a hand down his face. "You know, life was so much easier when I thought Marie fancied you."
Felix chuckles and leans close enough to rest his elbows on the table. "Yes, well, it might have been easier for you, but for the rest of us it was just painful watching you two dance around each other." Noticing the frown Remus can feel tugging down on his lips, Felix says, "Do you think you're going to break up?"
"I don't know," Remus snaps, not entirely meaning to. He glances at Felix apologetically, but Felix just waves him off. "I like her, I really do. It's just- it's so hard with her being here and me being gone for most of the year. When we fight, we can't sort it out in a matter of hours, it takes days because I have to send her a fucking letter. I remember being excited about the prospect of being with Marie for so long, and now... whenever I think of her I just wonder what our next fight will be about."
"You should talk to her, Remus."
"I know, but it's hard," Remus whispers like this is his most terrible secret. Surely, it shouldn't be this difficult to talk to his girlfriend, right?
"Don't do what is easy, do what is right," Felix intones and Remus looks back up at him with a sceptical gaze.
"Those aren't your words, you aren't that wise," he squints his eyes suspiciously.
"We learnt it in Philosophy, but I thought it would work well in this moment," Felix defends himself. "Anyway, my point is, you're going to have to talk to her eventually and she deserves to be listened to, so speak to her soon."
"You're right," Remus agrees with a sigh. "This is why you and Cara are going to last forever and have loads of babies and probably live in some big city and-"
"Woah, woah, woah !" Felix hollers out, which has Remus closing his mouth. "Slow down, Remus, we've only been together for six months. We are not talking about kids."
"Six months already?" Remus' mouth drops open in shock. "Blimey. That means Marie and I have been together for over five. See, this is what I mean when I say it doesn't work. I miss too much. I'm away more than I'm not. What am I supposed to do?"
Felix bites his lip as he stares at Remus with pity. He stands up from his chair and walks around the table, placing a gentle hand on Remus' tense shoulder.
"That isn't for me to figure out, I'm afraid," he utters softly. "Now, come on, let's stop talking about all this mess and let's get some cake." Felix walks over to the fridge and yanks the door open, placing his hands on his hips. "Ooh! Victoria Sponge - my favourite."
Remus snorts out a quiet laugh in response and gets up to go fetch some plates from the cupboard.
Remus doesn't end up speaking to Marie that day; they don't really speak very much at all. She remains stuck to Hugo's side the entire time and Remus gives her the space he expects she wants. They spend the rest of the morning indoors just catching up on what's been going on around here. Apparently, Justine from Church was caught cheating on her husband (of whom she publicly accused of cheating on her a few years back) by Ronnie who owns the corner shop not too far away from Hope's bakery. If Cara's sources are to be trusted, Ronnie hasn't disclosed who it was Justine was actually cheating with, not yet anyway. They all assume it's only a matter of time. Cara promises to keep him updated on the subject when he's back at school.
He tells them all about Mary and Barty and how the Slytherin boy makes him a bit uncomfortable because he's known for having a few screws loose. Marie doesn't comment on the fact that Remus is once again complaining about the person one of his best friends is dating, which confuses him. So, it's fine when it's Mary's boyfriend he doesn't like, but when it's Sirius' he should mind his own business?
Hugo mentions that he's going to France to visit family for Christmas. He's leaving on Christmas Eve and won't be back until New Year's Day. He tells them about the latest drama in his family, which is that his grandmother has another new boyfriend - apparently, her third since October. This surprises loud laughter from the rest of them. It feels good to laugh like this with these people. Recently, he's only been feeling comfortable like this when he's at Hogwarts surrounded by his other friends, so it's nice to know he is still capable of feeling this way around his older friends, too. The idea of growing apart from them makes him feel like he's getting his heart ripped out.
Marie remains uncharacteristically silent throughout the day, only speaking up when Remus' parents return home just before lunch. She talks to them with a polite smile and then goes back to not talking at all when they leave them alone.
Remus should talk to her. He needs to, he knows. But the very thought of it terrifies him because he's got a feeling it won't end well.
Tuesday - 24th December, 1974
Remus still hasn't spoken to Marie.
In his defence, he hasn't really had a chance to. Yesterday, Felix dragged them to the cinema and they spent the first half of the afternoon watching a movie about a little prince moving between planets and learning a bunch of life lessons that Remus isn't too dense to understand, but it did confuse him a bit. The worst part about it was the fact that it was a musical - Remus almost walked out of the theatre.
They then spent the remainder of the afternoon saying their goodbyes to Hugo, who then left that night for his flight which wasn't until the early hours of the following morning. They each went their separate ways after that and Remus hasn't seen Marie since.
Today is Christmas Eve, which means it's only a few more hours until he gets to see his Hogwarts friends at the Potters' annual Christmas Eve party. He's hoping none of them will pick up on his bad mood - he doesn't want to talk about it, not tonight.
Remus and Hope spend most of the day making Christmas cookies. Remus likes baking with his mam, he finds that it distracts his mind from the whirlwind of thoughts that won't stop spinning around in his head. Plus, his mam has the record player on in the background, playing her favourite Christmas album, which she dances to and forces Remus to as well. They dance and they bake and they laugh and, for a little while, Remus forgets about his troubles and his cowardice. He watches his mam as she spins in the middle of the kitchen, her socked feet slipping slightly against the tiled floor, and her hair fanning out around her like a bright halo. She grins at him before pulling him in to join her.
They only stop when the oven timer dings and even then they're still beaming from ear-to-ear. They decorate the first two batches of cookies perfectly, but don't put much effort into the presentation of the third. Remus sprinkles enough edible glitter over one cookie to cover the whole batch. By the end of it all, their hands are covered in flour and glitter, their faces are smudged with chocolate, and the kitchen is a mess, but Remus is happy.
His tad comes through the front door just when they finish cleaning up the kitchen. He's bundled up in a thick scarf that hides the entirety of his neck, and his cheeks are red with cold. Lyall grins at the two of them and comments about how nice it smells in here.
"That'll be the cinnamon in the cookies," Hope says, grinning as she pulls her husband down for a quick kiss. "Want to try one?" She holds it out and Remus' tad takes a bite, his eyes widen as he nods and makes mm-mm sounds.
"Hey, I want one!" Remus whines childishly.
"Fine, but only one. I want to take at least half of batch one with us to the Potters' later," his mam orders amiably. Remus picks up the one he drowned in glitter and his mam groans. "Oh, not that one, cariad, you'll choke."
Remus takes a bite and feels as a pinch of glitter jumps to the back of his throat. He swallows and then coughs out a small flurry of sparkly blue. Hope laughs at him, endeared by his antics, as Remus smiles bashfully.
"Speaking of the Potters, we should probably start getting ready," Lyall says as he checks his watch. "We've got an hour and a half before we have to leave."
Remus goes to rush out of the kitchen, but is caught by his mam, who licks her thumb before swiping it across Remus' left cheek. He tries to squirm away from her, his face scrunching up in protest, but she doesn't let him go until the chocolate on his face is gone.
"Alright, now go and change into something nice!" She calls after him as he escapes the kitchen and runs up the stairs to his room.
Remus chucks on what he would usually wear - a jumper and a pair of jeans. Although, at his mam's recommendation, he does put on his pair of jeans that aren't faded. The jumper he chooses is green and brown with red bouncing out of the pattern in certain parts. Christmassy enough, he thinks.
When he makes his way back down to the living room, he finds his mam waiting by the Christmas tree. She's wearing a burgundy pinafore dress over a white, long-sleeved top and a pair of black tights. She has a matching red bow in her hair, pinning a section of it back. She grins when she notices him and Remus thinks nothing could ever compare to the way his mam looks at him. He is pretty sure he could commit literal murder and she would still look at him like he's her little angel.
He makes his way over to her side and feels disappointed by the way he towers over her now, still not as tall as his tad yet, but getting there. He misses being small enough to fit in the safe space that is his mother's embrace, but now he's too tall to fit.
Hope glances up at him with brown eyes identical to his own, though they look much larger on her small face and they aren't surrounded by a cluster of freckles. He knows exactly what she is going to say to him, even though her eyes remain warm; "Marie hasn't been around very much since you got back. Is everything okay?"
Remus blinks and looks down at the floor, toeing the rug with the tip of his shoe. He shrugs and feels as everything he's been trying to supress over the last couple of days comes flooding into his chest. His bottom lip trembles, so he bites down on it. His eyes water, so he clenches his eyes shut. He feels as his mam reaches out to tilt his head back towards her, so he covers his pain with a smile.
"Cariad, what happened?" Her voice is so tender, so soft in that way only a mother's voice can be, and it breaks him. He lets out a low sob and finds that no- no, he hasn't outgrown his mam's embrace because she's pulling him into her arms now, even if she has to stand on her tiptoes to do it, and she's holding him. Oh, he feels safer now, like nothing can hit him whilst he's here. He muffles his whimpers into her shoulder and feels as his shoulders shake. Hope's hand stroke up and down his shoulder blades, patiently waiting for him to collect himself.
"Mam, I can't do it," is what manages to tug itself past Remus' lips and he doesn't even really understand those words himself.
"Can't do what?"
"All of it. It doesn't feel like how it was supposed to," he takes in a rattled breath before carrying on. "I feel like I'm losing her."
"Maybe that isn't so terrible, cariad. Sometimes people are meant for each other, but only for so long. Some are made to share wonderful, but fleeting moments, whilst others are made to remain for longer. That doesn't mean the ones that had less time are any less special," Hope whispers and Remus remains silent as he listens. "Maybe you and Marie aren't supposed to be together forever and that's okay. If your love is a fleeting moment and you caught it, that just makes it all the more special. Not everyone catches it before it's flitted out of reach."
"What if I don't want her to be a fleeting moment?" Remus mumbles into his mam's shoulder, feeling as warm tears trickle down his cheeks. "What if I want to love her for longer?"
"You're allowed to love her forever, Remus, but if loving her like this isn't working, then it's because your heart isn't entirely in it anymore. You have to be honest with yourself, you both deserve at least that."
He pulls back enough to look his mam in the face, her face mirrors his sadness. She reaches up to wipe his tears away and then leans forward and knocks their foreheads together.
"You're so young, cariad," she whispers. "Sometimes I forget that even you are going to experience heartbreak. I wish I could protect you from it. If I could, I'd take it as my own."
"I wouldn't want you to do that," Remus says back just as softly. He sniffles. "I love you, mami."
"Rwy'n dy garu di mwy."
Lyall enters the room then and, immediately sensing the sorrowful tone, walks over to them before wrapping his arms around them both. Remus almost cries again, simply because of how much he appreciates his parents, but he manages to hold the tears back this time.
"We should get going," Remus says, eyes closed as his head rests against his tad's shoulder.
"Yes, we should," Lyall agrees, but his grip around his wife and son does not ease, so they stay there for a little bit longer.
When they do finally arrive at the Potters', it doesn't take Remus very long to locate James, who is standing with Marlene near one of the couches. They wave him over, so Remus departs from his parents with a small smile. It must be obvious that he's been crying because the moment he is standing in front of them, James' smile drops into a concerned frown. Marlene is watching him with a probing expression.
"Hi, Remus. Are you alright?" James says, whispering that last part. He notices that Marlene slips away, likely giving the two of them privacy to talk. James is still watching him with that troubled furrow between his eyebrows.
"Everything's fine," Remus tries, but even he can hear the lack of enthusiasm in his voice.
"Remus," James presses.
He feels as anger boils up inside him, but he tries to remind himself that this is just James being James. He's concerned about him, which he has every right to be because they're friends. Besides, if Remus is going to tell any of his friends about what's been going on - or what hasn't - since he returned home, then it's going to be James.
"I think Marie and I are going to break up," Remus says and James blinks at him.
"What?"
"That's it, James. We just don't work very well together, not anymore," Remus mumbles, feeling as his heart pangs in his chest just from him admitting that out loud.
"But you-" James shakes his head like he's knocking away the end of his sentence. "Are you okay? Merlin, you must be- Do you want to go somewhere private? Tell me what I can do."
Remus smiles kindly at James because he knows James is trying his best to make him feel better, and just knowing that does make him feel better. "I just want to enjoy my night, enjoy Christmas, and forget about it for now. Can we do that?"
"Of course, we can," James proclaims loudly. "Whatever you want. Come on, let's go see where Marlene slipped off to. We were playing a game about who we thought would show up next. I won the last round when it was you."
"Who did Marlene bet it was going to be?"
"Sirius," James snorts. "She should know by now that he is always fashionably late."
That pulls a small laugh out of Remus, making him even more grateful for James than he was before. They find Marlene with Jess and his brother Anthony, as well as Anthony's girlfriend who Remus doesn't know the name of. Anthony is trying to be inconspicuous as he hides a bag behind his back, but Remus notices it and assumes that's where the alcohol is currently being kept. He could do with some of that right about now. Oh, God, he sounds like an alcoholic. And at the mere age of fourteen, too. To be honest, he probably could have predicted this; his life has always been pretty shit.
Sirius, Andy and Ted, and Xeno are the next people they recognise who arrive. James rushes over to them and gives Sirius and Xeno both hugs, before pulling them in the direction of the rest of them. Sirius doesn't even spare Remus and Marlene a glance as he jumps into his boyfriend's arms and kisses him in front of everyone, for all to see. Remus feels something bitter twist in his stomach. Must they do that in front of him whilst he's going through a romantic crisis of his own?
Sirius waves at him briefly before he's dragging Jess through the crowd of people and off somewhere else.
Remus needs a drink.
In the time Sirius and Jess are absent, Frank, Alice, Mary and Barty show up. Remus sticks by James' side, not feeling up to socialising just yet. He keeps eyeing the bag in Anthony's hand. When Jess and Sirius return, Anthony finally takes them all aside and shares his goodies with the rest of them. Remus gulps down his first serving fast enough that Anthony raises his eyebrows when Remus asks for more.
It doesn't take very long before they're all tipsy, which leads to a lot of regrettable dancing to Merry Christmas (War Is Over) and I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday. Remus almost throws up when he finds Barty and Mary snogging in the corridor away from the rest of the party - he'd just been trying to get to the toilet, but with his way blocked, he turned back around.
This led him to bumping into Monty, who catches him by the shoulders as he bounces off his strong form. Remus blinks up at the man and realises quite abruptly that he's supposed to be avoiding any and all parents because he is quite drunk. He clenches his jaw and smiles tightly, expecting Monty to just let him carry on walking. However, Remus has never been that lucky.
"Are you alright, Remus? You look a bit down," Monty frowns like he actually cares about how Remus feels, which he probably does, but Remus' mind is too boggled right now to understand why Monty would do such a thing.
"People keep asking me that. Do I look like a heartbroken damsel?" He slurs, almost tripping over his feet, but Monty reaches out a hand to steady him, examining his face with those curious brown eyes of his that mirror James'.
"Ah, so this is a matter of the heart," Monty hums wisely. "Come on, let's get you some water." He takes Remus' arm gently, carefully, and then starts leading him in the direction of the kitchen. Remus sits down at the small, circular table beside the window and watches as Monty grabs a glass from the cupboard before moving over to the sink to fill it up with water.
"Why don't you use magic?" Remus hears himself ask. "It's quicker."
"I find using magic to do menial tasks such as this unnecessarily lazy," Monty shrugs, placing the glass down on the table in front of Remus before taking a seat opposite him. "So, who is it you've found yourself heartbroken over?"
"A girl, you don't know 'er," Remus waves a hand through the air carelessly, almost knocking over the glass. He manages to catch it and then lifts it to his lips and takes a slow sip. It soothes him slightly, the coolness of it. "She's a Muggle. Been friends for years and years. Stupid me thought it would be such a good idea to ruin our friendship by becoming her boyfriend. What a moron."
"I wouldn't say it's moronic to allow yourself to love."
"Yes, well, that's because you're perfectly happily married," Remus states, putting the glass back down on the table.
"That doesn't mean Effie and I haven't had our hardships," Monty says patiently. "Every relationship has it's flaws, none are perfect because that would be unnatural. What is it about yours that's making you feel moronic?"
"Fucked it up, didn't I?" Remus tuts. Then, he realises what he's just said and, with wide eyes, sputters out, "Oh my- I'm so sorry."
Monty chuckles. "Your apology is unnecessary. Carry on."
"I'm a Wizard," Remus shrugs. "It's making everything difficult, too difficult. Can't do it anymore. She's so sick of me already. I knew she would be because she's perfect and I'm..." He sighs and reaches out for his glass of water again, taking another sip.
"Are you afraid you're going to lose her? Is that your main concern, rather than that you might not work out?" Monty asks, seemingly calm across the table while Remus is just casually having a bit of a mental breakdown.
"I think so," Remus nods. "She's been in my life for so long and she's one of my favourite people. I don't want her to become a stranger, but I'm scared that if I stay so close to her, I'll get her hurt."
"Perhaps you should consider whether you value her friendship above all else. That might help you figure out what move to make next."
Remus thinks on that for a minute. Then another. He gulps down the rest of his water and drops the glass onto the table. "You know, Monty, I think you might be onto something."
Another chuckle. "Think about it more in the morning. For now, evade Effie. If she finds out you kids are getting drunk, she'll ban you from next year's party." Monty stands up from his seat and moves across the kitchen to the door.
"Monty?" Remus calls and the man stops as soon as he's heard his name, no hesitation.
"Yes, Remus?"
"Thanks," Remus mutters. "You're a very wise man. Better than Albus Dumbledore, but don't tell him I said that."
"It'll be our little secret," Monty promises with a wink before he's gone.
Remus is on his search for the bathroom again, but his addled mind can't seem to locate it. Unfortunately, during his futile hunt, he runs into Jess. At least Sirius isn't hanging from his arm.
"Oh, hello, Remus," Jess grins at him and Remus can't help the scowl that falls past his lips. He has no control of his facial muscles right now, which is really very not good for him. No.
"Jess," he says sassily.
"You don't look so great. Are you looking for the bathroom because I think Si-" Jess starts, but Remus cuts him off by blowing a raspberry.
"Oh, good, you're done. I will be going now." Remus stumbles around the other boy and starts walking down the corridor- which corridor? He has no idea. Where is he? He spins around, hoping to recognise any of the walls that are surrounding him, but he doesn't. He realises that Jess is still standing two feet away from him, watching him cautiously. Remus huffs and steps towards him. "What do you want?"
"I'm getting the impression you don't like me," Jess replies calmly.
"Oh, really?" Remus gasps sarcastically. "Bloody genius you are for that one. You deserve a medal- no, a statue ! Yes, you deserve a statue for your spectacular deduction skills."
"You're very drunk right now, Remus," Jess sighs. "I don't think it's a very good idea-"
"You want to know what I think isn't a very a good idea?" Remus interrupts again. "You and Sirius. Who thought that one up? He deserves way better than you."
"What, like-" Jess cuts himself off this time. His jaw clenches as he inhales slowly before releasing a steady exhale. "You'll regret this tomorrow if you keep talking."
"Is that a threat?"
"What? No. I'm trying to help you, for Merlin's sake," Jess says incredulously. "And for your information, I really like Sirius, okay? I really, really like him and I don't think you have the right to say he deserves better than me when, quite frankly, you don't even know me."
Remus is stunned into silence. He blinks at Jess and then blinks again, making the boy blurrier each time.
"How much is really?" Remus narrows his eyes sceptically.
"More than I expected to like him so soon," Jess admits, cheeks turning red. "I've never met anyone like him. He's... lovely." A loving smile slowly crawls it's way up Jess' face and Remus feels sick just looking at it. He averts his eyes and stares at the red wallpaper on the wall just across from him.
"Yeah, he is," Remus agrees before fleeing. He marches straight past Jess and turns the corner, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. Once he has, he starts opening every door he can find in search for a toilet. It isn't until he finds a locked door and knocks on it that he thinks he might have finally located one.
The door opens and Sirius stands in front of him with wide, bleary eyes, obviously drunk if the way he's swaying in place is anything to go by. He looks shocked to see Remus there, perhaps he was expecting someone else. Probably Jess, Remus' mind decides to remind him. He has to suppress the miserable grumble that almost tumbles out of his mouth.
"Alright, Moony?" Sirius asks. Remus' eyes drop to where Sirius is subconsciously pulling down the sleeves of his red jumper. It's something Sirius does sometimes when he's on edge, though Remus has no idea why he would be, so maybe he's just cold.
"Yeah, just had a lot of serious talks in a row and need to breathe for a minute," Remus admits, letting out a low sigh. His eyes bounce back up to meet Sirius' as he bitterly murmurs, "Spoke to your boyfriend," before sauntering through the doorway and into the bathroom. He sits down on the floor, just in front of the bathtub, but it's hard and uncomfortable, so he instantly jumps back up. Taking one quick glance at the bathtub, he decides to hop in. It's an action he is rather familiar with now, after all these years of sitting in their tub at Hogwarts with James, talking about everything under the sun.
"What did you speak to Jess about?" Remus almost jumps as Sirius' voice breaks through his thoughts. Remus watches as Sirius cautiously steps forward before plopping down on top of the toilet seat, a mere metre from where Remus is sitting.
"Stuff. You. Me. Just... stuff. He's really nice," Remus can't help but scowl as he remembers Jess' blatant concern, even as Remus continued to be unnecessarily rude to him. A tinkering laugh tumbles past Sirius' lips, making Remus frown as he feels something melancholy wash over him. "You deserve someone like him."
"Do I?" Sirius' laugh abruptly cuts off, replaced by a small frown. Remus wishes to make it disappear, but how can he do that when he's almost certain he's the one that put it there?
"Of course, you do," Remus mumbles sincerely. Sirius' eyes flicker up to meet his. "You deserve the best person in the whole world. Is Jess the best? Mm," Remus flattens his palm out, wiggling it around as he makes a humming sound. "He's nice, so he's close."
"You've said that already. He's nice. What does that even mean?" Sirius' head drops into his hands. No, no Remus wants to see him. He needs to see him.
"Good kind, he is," Remus nods rapidly. "Yes. He's good for you."
Sirius glances through the cracks between his fingers and grey meets brown. "Then, why do you sound annoyed?"
"I don't know. Do I sound annoyed?" Remus asks.
"Sort of," Sirius says back, dropping his hands completely now. "I dunno, I can't tell. 'M really drunk, Moons," he whines and Remus stares at him fondly.
"Best sober up soon because your parents were talking about leaving when they found you," Remus informs him.
"Guess I should go then," Sirius mumbles, hesitating in his seat.
"Guess so," Remus' eyes drop to where his knees bend slightly - he's far too big for this tub. "Merry Christmas, Sirius."
"Merry Christmas, Remus," Sirius whispers before getting up to leave the bathroom. To leave Remus, who feels his loss much more significantly than he thinks he ought to. Sirius glances back before he's completely gone, as if he heard Remus' silent plea for him to stay. His lips curl into the faintest smile before he leaves.
Remus lets his head drop back until it hits the rim of the bath. His eyes drift closed and he isn't sure how long he stays there for, just existing in the silence - he can't even hear the party from here. The only noise comes from his own, slightly laboured, breathing.
The sound of the door opening disturbs his thoughts and he cracks a single bleary eye open to see who his intruder is. He has no idea how long it's been since Sirius left, or whether he fell asleep or not. He can never tell very much about his surroundings when he's drunk, everything exists in a world of disorientation. He likes it because it feels silly and it's a break from real life where almost nothing is silly anymore.
Frank is standing in the doorway, sober-faced and- Huh. That's an expression Remus has never seen on Frank's face before. Anger. He looks quite royally pissed off, actually, which is really more Remus and Sirius' thing, maybe Peter's if he's having a spectacularly terrible day, James hardly gets mad. But Frank - he's always Mr. Optimist. Seeing him like this is startling at best and very worrying at worst.
His eyes are closed, his eyebrows furrowed so low they almost tickle his closed lids. He breathes in sharply through his long nose before steadily releasing a calming breath out of his mouth. Once he's done this a few more times, his eyes snap open and he glances down at his hands, which Remus now notices are fisted. Frank brings his clenched hands up just before his face and then slowly uncurls his fingers. He inhales suddenly at the view of his palms and Remus, confused by whatever is going on, clears his throat to get the boy's attention.
Frank lets out a short yelp as he stares at Remus with wide eyes. An embarrassed blush shoots up his neck and blooms across the apples of his cheeks.
"Oh, it's just you. Your parents are looking for you, you know," Frank raises a scolding eyebrow, something vaguely reminiscent of McGonagall. Remus snorts as soon as that thought enters his mind.
"Frank, how come you're pissed?"
"Uh... I'm not," Frank responds in a questioning tone. "You apparently are though. How much-"
"No, not pissed as in drunk. I meant pissed as in angry," Remus clarifies. He slides up the tub so that he's sitting in it again, rather than lying in it. "Who's got you so angry?"
"No one. I'm fine," Frank promises with a smile.
"Mm, I'm not sure I believe you, Frankster," Remus tuts, using the nickname Sirius sometimes does for Frank. Remus pats the free side of the tub opposite him. "Come. Sit. It's time you had a tub-talk."
"A tub-talk?" Frank chuckles as he makes his way over. He climbs in and drops himself across from Remus in the bath. Remus notices that he's keeping his hands out of view.
"Something James and I do when we need to clear our minds of all the shit that goes on up here," he taps his temple. "Got something to get off your chest?"
"Nothing comes to mind," Frank shakes his head innocently.
"It was Barty, wasn't it?" Remus cocks his head to the side, watching as Frank's eyes flit away from his own only briefly, but it's enough for Remus to know that he's being lied to. "You can tell me. I won't tell anyone."
"There's nothing to tell," Frank says softly. His eye twitches ever so slightly.
"Frank."
"Remus."
"You sort of owe me a secret, you know," Remus muses, tapping a finger to his chin as if he's deep in thought. "I know you know about my furry little secret. Now, tell me. What form do your monsters take?"
Frank studies Remus for a moment and Remus can practically see him weighing his options. Does he tell him? Doesn't he? Remus thinks he should. After all, whatever Frank is hiding, it can't be nearly as bad as Remus' secret.
Defeatedly, Frank's eyes sink shut. In a voice so low and so full of shame that Remus almost doesn't hear it, Frank whispers, "I hate him."
"Who?"
"Barty," Frank snaps, opening his eyes to stare sharply at Remus. "I hate him and I care about him. I hate that I care about him. I don't want to care about him, but I do. I'm always nice to him and he still doesn't like me. I've been nice for years, but what's the point in being the nice guy if all it does is let people walk all over me?
"You've got to be nice for people to like you. You've got to get perfect grades for your mother to be proud of you. You've got to be good at Quidditch, you've got to get this job, and be this person. Got to, got to, got to. I am so sick of got to, Remus." Frank exhales harshly and bites his bottom lip. He lets out a self-pitying chuckle. "I hate myself because I don't want to try anymore because it's hard. How selfish is that? I want to give up simply because it's too difficult to be kind all of the time? To be the happy guy, the one who never yells when he's mad, who hides himself away from any type of conflict because- because he's afraid that if he let's it all out the people around him will realise they've got the wrong impression and, no, he isn't who they thought he was. He's just as terrible and selfish and angry at the world as everyone else is. He isn't special. People don't like him because he's kind, they see it as a weakness. He doesn't get the best grades, so his mother views him a disappointment. He's good at Quidditch, but he likes it too much when he shouldn't because he's supposed to work in the Ministry someday. He isn't the kind boy everyone thinks he is, he's angry all of the time."
Remus' entire body fills with concern because he's never heard Frank talk like this before. He never shares his inner thoughts with the rest of them, and Remus realises that's because they've never thought to ask. They haven't tried very hard where Frank is concerned and that makes him feel a bit sick with himself, actually. Frank is spilling all of his inner turmoil like this is his last breath and he's going to make it count. It comes tumbling out like he's been waiting for someone to ask him to set it free and it's been so long without anyone asking, he's been far too patient; his patience has been taken advantage of.
"And on top of all of that, there's Barty fucking Crouch," Frank huffs. Remus flinches at the swear word simply because it's Frank who's saying it with such venom. He never swears, it's so rare Remus could count it as a phenomenon. "Everything he says about me is true and that is why I hate him. I try to hide it from everyone, from Alice. I'm a fraud. But Barty sees it and he has no issue with sharing it with the world, and I hate him for it."
Remus watches in real time as Frank breaks in front of him, just crumbles like an ancient castle, something that has survived decade-old wars and centuries worth of storms, but one little gust of wind is the thing that brings it all down in the end. He doesn't cry, which is odd because Remus has seen him cry plenty of times over things of less importance, but now, when it matters most, he's still. He's cracking and he's breaking, but he's still.
"Frank, show me your hands," Remus mumbles, feeling more sober than he did before he even started drinking.
A look of dread flashes across Frank's face and he silently begs for Remus not to ask him again. But Remus knows that this needs to happen now, it's like one of those moments when you go stargazing, expecting to find a few dots in the sky, but then a shooting star passes and you weren't intending to catch it, yet you did anyway. You could have missed it, but you caught it, now you can't let it go even if it was originally an accident.
"Frank, please," Remus' voice cracks slightly as his worry grows.
Frank's bottom lip wobbles as he slowly holds out his hands, palm up. Remus feels sick all over again. How could he not have seen this happening? Frank is his friend, Remus is supposed to be Frank's. Remus has been blind to his friend's suffering, deaf to the warnings Frank has been screaming at them. His hands, calloused from endless flying around on a broom, soft-padded from gentle touches shared with Alice, and scarred and cut where his nails bite through his skin, purposefully meant to hurt.
"I'm sorry," Frank whispers frantically. "Remus, I didn't mean to- I don't mean to. Sometimes, when I get angry, I don't even realise I'm doing it."
"Why don't you heal them?" Remus whispers, not trusting himself to speak any louder, his eyes glued to Frank's blemished hands. The scars - they wouldn't be there if Frank healed the cuts away, which means he must leave them there.
"I am going to sound crazy," he shakes his head, looking to be silently berating himself. "The sting of them reminds me of who I'm supposed to be and the part of me I'm trying to hide. I do it less when the reminder is there because it makes me think about how angry I can get, even when I shouldn't."
"Frank, you're allowed to let yourself be angry," Remus says carefully. "None of us are going to stop being your friend because you're having a bad day, but we don't want you to hurt yourself. You don't deserve that. None of us want you to hurt."
"I don't know how to not do it, Remus," Frank rasps. His eyes squeeze shut, pushing out two fat tears that streak down his cheeks as he finally breaks down. Remus slides forward and closes his arms comfortingly around the other boy.
"Start by acknowledging your anger rather than tucking it away within yourself," Remus suggests quietly. He doesn't know exactly what to say, he hopes he isn't doing this all wrong. He knows how important everything he says in this moment is.
"What if it's too much? What if I'm too much?" he sobs, rattling in Remus' arms.
"You can be a bit of everything all at once, at all volumes, at all lengths, and you'd still never be too much, Frank."
For some reason that makes Frank cry harder and Remus thinks he's said something wrong. He starts to panic until Frank pulls back slightly, smiles up at him with watery, red-rimmed eyes and says, "Thank you." There's so much packed into those two words and Remus thinks he'll never hear them the same again, knows he'll never forget the raw way they were spoken as Frank poured his heart out to Remus, given to him to hold and trusting him not to drop it. Remus won't.
He and Frank return to the party below together. Remus had done his best to heal Frank's wounds, but he's not very good at healing spells. He spots his parents amongst the sparse crowd of people that are still remaining. It's past midnight now, so most of the guests have gone home. Remus can't see any of the McKinnon's or the Tonks', nor can he see Mary, Barty or Alice. Frank, by the looks of it, can't seem to find his girlfriend either and deflates at the news that she likely left during the time he was hiding out upstairs.
Remus places a hand on his shoulder and Frank turns to look at him. "Probably best we both head home now."
"Yes, it is rather late," Frank mumbles, looking a bit shy now they've broken out of the little bubbles they'd formed in the bathroom.
"You'll be okay?" Remus asks, eyebrows bending down as he tries to hide his concern.
"I'll be okay," Frank promises with a small nod and a smile his way. "Merry Christmas, Remus."
"Merry Christmas, Frank."
By the time Remus approaches his parents, it must be verging on one o'clock in the morning. They're talking to Effie and Monty, who both look a bit tired, but Remus gets the impression it isn't because of how late the party is dragging on. The eyebags looming beneath their eyes look old and far too comfortable on their faces, as if they are used to residing there. Effie's worry lines are far more prominent than they had been a year ago and Monty's hair significantly more silver.
"Oh, Remus, there you are," his mam smiles, pulling him closer to her and tucking her arm through his. "We were planning on leaving soon as it has gotten very late. Have you said goodbye to James yet?"
"No. I don't know where he is," Remus frowns as his eyes scour the room. James is nowhere to be seen.
"I think he went to bed, sweetheart," Effie tells him with a sympathetic grimace. "He did look a bit..." she smirks, "squiffy."
Remus pales. He glances at both of his parents who look none the wiser, likely believing Effie just means James looked a bit tired. Deciding it would be smart to just make a break for it, he says his swift goodbyes to the Potters before dragging his parents away towards the fireplace.
As soon as he lands in his own living room he announces to his parents that he's going to bed and heads off upstairs. He sheds his clothes and changes into a warm set of pyjamas before sinking beneath his duvet and pile of blankets. He turns in his bed, reaching towards his bedside table to turn his lamp off when his eyes snag on the snow globe Sirius gave him for his fourteenth birthday. He picks it up, turns it over and sets it back down on the table, watching as glittery stars fall over the tiny figurines. It calms him.
His hands find the necklace- Sirius' necklace beneath his jumper. He watches the snow globe until all the stars have fallen and then he turns the lamp off. As he lies on his back with his eyes open in the dark, he lets his hand rest over his chest where Sirius' Ombud is. It's the last thing he feels before the sweet promise of sleep sweeps him up and takes him under.
Wednesday - 25th December, 1974
Remus strolls into church the next morning with his parents by his side and his stomach threatening to spew up everything he ended up drinking the night before. His mam dragged him out of bed at the arse crack of dawn, so he hardly had any sleep. He's almost certain he's going to fall asleep.
They sit in their usual seats and wait as the church fills with people. Remus can see Cara a few rows in front, sitting with her aunt and uncle on one side, whilst Felix and his parents are on the other. Remus' eyes scan around the place for Marie, but he doesn't find her anywhere. Usually, she sits with her parents in the front row, but Remus can't see any of the Carmichaels anywhere.
It isn't until the church doors are being closed that Remus spots Marie at all. She rushes in with her tad not too far behind her, both of them looking ruffled and out of breath as if they ran here. He doesn't mean to stare, but when Remus gets a proper glance at Marie's face he notices she has been crying. Her eyes are red and puffy and her hair is a bit dishevelled, which is irregular for Marie.
Marie's tad notices them and starts leading Marie towards the empty bench beside Remus. He feels his body stiffen as Marie drops down beside him, not even sparing him a glance. His stomach clenches sickeningly.
They sit through half-an-hour of the choir singing hymns and then spend another twenty minutes singing songs themselves. Remus' voice croaks through it all, still raw from the alcohol he consumed the night prior. He doesn't look at Marie and he is pretty sure she doesn't look at him either. Remus wonders where her mam could be - the woman is one of the most religious people Remus knows, so he is certain she wouldn't miss church on Christmas Day for anything less than her own death.
He wants to ask, but he still doesn't know how to talk to Marie. Remus mentally goes through all of the conversations he had the night before: starting off with his mam who had broken his heart a little bit when she suggested that he and Marie might not last after all, but had then reassured him that that doesn't mean he has to lose her; then, there was James who knew right away there was something wrong, who was ready to lend advice or comfort to Remus before he even had a clue what was going on; Monty had given him some rather sound advice and had made Remus realise that no matter what happens between him and Marie, he always wants her in his life because she's one of his favourite people in the whole world.
In the end, Remus is too busy thinking about all of the chaos swimming through his head and he doesn't get around to falling asleep. He is surprised when everyone begins to stand and leave the church, having lost himself in his thoughts. He gets up when his parents do, but it isn't until he turns to leave the aisle that he realises Marie is still next to him. She's standing now, her tad nowhere to be seen. Her eyes are on Remus for what feels like the first time in months.
It's enough to freeze Remus in place.
"Marie," he breathes, not able to come up with anything more than her name.
She blinks up at him and swallows nervously. "Remus." And oh. Oh no. His name should never sound that way whilst coming from someone he cares about so deeply. It's enough to cut his heart in half. From the sounds of it, it's a struggle to even get his name out, like it's strangling her.
"How are you? And your parents. I noticed your mam isn't here," Remus watches as Marie's expression changes so minutely, others wouldn't even notice, but he does. He knows her so well, sometimes it hurts to see her thoughts so clearly. She averts her eyes, the muscles in her jaw twitch, and her shoulders tense.
"She's just sick," Marie shrugs, eyes on the floor. Remus knows she's lying - she never could look him in the eye when she was lying. When her eyes finally return to his, she murmurs, "Can we talk?"
Fear grips him, but he doesn't allow it to possess him as he answers, "Of course." He turns to find his parents have taken a step back from him and Marie, likely attempting to give them a bit of privacy. When they notice Remus is looking at them, they both turn to him with wary smiles.
"Ready to go?" His mam asks, her eyes hop hopefully over to Marie.
"Do you mind if I go to Marie's for a little while? I'll be back in time for lunch, I promise," Remus waits patiently for his parents to reply, hoping with everything in him that they'll agree.
They must understand the importance of the situation because they both agree he can go so long as he returns home for lunch. Once they are out of the church, his mam pulls Marie in for a hug and Marie goes willingly, melting in the woman's arms as if she's been waiting for exactly this all day. They say their goodbyes and then the two teenagers split off in the opposite direction to the two adults.
The walk to Marie's is one of silence. It feels a bit torturous, actually. Remus doesn't think they have ever had trouble speaking to one another, not even when they were both in that awkward phase of crushing on each other and knowing about it but not doing anything about it. Even when they first met, they had no problem speaking to each other. Remus remembers how easy it had been to befriend Marie, who treated him like he meant something to her from the jump. She reminds him of Sirius in that way - they both choose their people and they keep them, no matter what.
Remus assumes this, the talk he expects they'll have when they arrive at her house, is Marie trying to keep him in any way she can... no matter what.
Her house is desolate when they enter it, dark in a way it's never been before, and untidy where it's usually perfectly clean. It is clear that Marie's tad isn't home because his shoes and coat are missing. Marie informs him that her mam is still in bed, so instead of going up through the house and into Marie's room, they walk through the kitchen and exit out the back door into the large back garden.
Remus follows Marie all the way to the end of the garden where a single bench sits alone beside a very dead sunflower. They had planted that there together in the summer; the last time Remus saw it, it looked healthy.
Marie sits down on the bench, careful not to let her dress bunch up as she does. She gestures for Remus to join her, so he does. It's quiet at first, they both sit there and stare out at the dead garden, covered in a pathetic layer of sleety snow. The clouds have gathered above, throwing a shadowed cloak over the world. Remus can hear a robin singing somewhere nearby, but he doesn't look for it like he might have done once. Instead, he looks at Marie, whose face is scrunched up in a thoughtful expression. She takes a deep breath and holds it in her chest, only releasing it when she meets his eye.
"Go on," Remus says softly.
"Go on what?"
"Say it," he whispers, not trusting his voice not to crack if he speaks any louder. "I know you need to. It's okay, Marie, you can say it."
"I can't do this anymore, Remus," her eyes remain steady on his, never faltering. "It's too hard. I- I can't-"
"Marie, please, just say it," Remus practically begs.
Her chin wobbles as her bottom lip begins to tremble. "There are so many things that I can't talk about and it's really difficult. There are too many people relying on me to keep their secrets and it's all so heavy, I'm not sure I can hold it all anymore. Knowing what I do about you and keeping my promise to not tell anyone... on top of everything else, it hurts to hold your secret, Remus. I don't want to, but I hate you a little bit for giving it to me. I know you never intended to hurt me, believe me, I know," she presses when Remus opens his mouth to interrupt. "And I know it's selfish of me to even feel this way. You should be able to share your secrets with the people you trust and I'm honoured to be one of those people, truly I am. But it's such a big secret, Remus, and I'm already holding so much."
"I'm so sorry," Remus croaks out, his eyes blurry with unshed tears. "I wish you never found out, and not because I don't trust you. I do. I trust you more than I trust anyone else in this world. It's just- it's so dangerous for you to know. There's a reason there's a law against you knowing. There are people in my world that would want to hurt you just for knowing. I never wanted you to be anywhere near that, none of you. The Wizarding World is the darkest part of me and I'm so sorry you've had to see it."
"No, Remus, you don't understand," Marie shakes her head, making a tear bounce out of her eye and onto her pale cheek. "I don't hate what your secret is, I don't hate that you're a werewolf, or that you can do magic. I hate that I can't talk about it to you because you're not here and the weight of it all is too much for me to bear, but not because it's the darkest part of you. I don't think it's the darkest part of you at all, actually. Ever since you left when we were eleven, you've changed, but not for the worse, for the better. There's something bolder about you now."
"How could you possibly say that after all I've told you about my world?" Remus asks incredulously.
"All worlds have evil in, Remus, that doesn't mean the world itself is bad. That doesn't mean that you are bad. You have always been far too good for this world, Remus Lupin, and now you're far too good for another," Marie announces with determined eyes. "I think I've always known that, which is why I should have seen this coming. I'm a messed up person, Remus. We were never going to last."
"What do you mean you're messed up? You're the most perfect person I know," Remus exclaims ardently.
"No one is perfect, but especially not me. There are things even you don't know, Remus. Things Hugo and Felix and even Cara have no idea about."
"Then tell me, give me some of the weight."
"I can't," she shakes her head solemnly. "I'm sorry, but I just can't. You aren't the only person I've made promises to, Remus."
"What about if I say you can tell our friends about me?" Remus asks, shocking himself as well as Marie if her flabbergasted reaction is anything to go by. "You'd have to tell them to keep it to themselves, of course, but I trust them. The worst part of it all really is that it means they'll have to see all of the ugly that comes along with it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, you can tell Cara, Felix and Hugo, but you have to make sure they won't go blabbing around the village about it, okay?" Remus sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. "Where does that leave us?"
"Have you noticed that we're always fighting now? I mean, we used to fight before, but it never felt very serious," Marie is back to staring into the distance rather than looking him in the eye. "I hate it."
"I hate it, too," Remus agrees, frowning.
"Remus?"
"Yes, Marie?"
She looks up at him with shiny, blue eyes and cold-stained cheeks and utters the words Remus both expected she'd say to him one day and he never thought he'd hear. "I think we should break up."
As it turns out foresight isn't as handy as you'd think because, even though Remus knew it was coming, that didn't stop it from hurting. Deeply, fervently hurting.
Marie must notice because she reaches out for his trembling hand with her own and intertwines their fingers together. Remus stares at their joined hands and he realises that he's staring at a tragedy. Maybe if Marie hadn't found out when she did, they would have worked. Maybe if Remus wasn't a Wizard at all they would have gone to high school together and gotten married afterwards. Maybe, in another life, there's a future out there for them. Maybe. Well, in this one, maybe is all they had, and now that's gone too.
Remus drops his head until it rests against Marie's, he brings their joined hands onto his lap and then reaches out to find Marie's other one and holds that, too. He squeezes his eyes shut and gives himself one last chance to do this, to just settle. It hurts, but it also feels like a release. It feels like how he imagines it would feel to move out of his house and into a new one. He will miss being here with this girl. He will miss getting to call her his girlfriend. He will miss getting to hold her hand. He will miss getting to kiss her. He will miss loving her in this way, because he does. Marie is his first love, but she can't be his last.
"Kiss me," she whispers, and without opening his eyes, he does. He presses their lips together, so much gentler than their first kiss had been. That one had been drunken and desperate, something that was a long time coming. In a way, this kiss is desperate, too. It's a goodbye, something that was also a long time coming. Yet, it's so alien to other kisses they've shared. Goodbyes can be hideous, they can be ugly and loud and ruthless, but they can also be soft and caring, too. Remus is coming to find out that both are just as painful as each other. Though there is no hatred, no ugly, no ruthlessness, there is a lot of hurt.
He doesn't want to pull away because he knows that when he does, that's it. They'll be over and he'll never get to kiss the girl he loves ever again. Maybe he'll end up feeling how James does, stuck loving the same person for the rest of his life, knowing nothing will ever come of it.
Eventually, he does lean back, but only for something as futile as air. The urge to breathe is a selfish need that Remus finds himself, quite ridiculously, despising.
"I'm gonna go," he manages to stutter out as he stands and begins to walk away from the bench. He doesn't look back, not wanting Marie to see the hurt on his face. That's just more weight for her to carry. She doesn't call out his name or urge him to come back. She doesn't chase after him. Remus makes it across the garden, he makes it through the kitchen and out into the lobby of her house. He walks out of her front door, the tears on his face practically freezing there with how cold it is outside. And he's all alone.
Thursday - 26th December, 1974
The rest of Christmas Day passed quite quickly. After Remus came home in tears, his parents spent the rest of the day trying to make him feel better. They ate Christmas dinner and his mam made him as many hot chocolates as he wanted. By the time night fell, they were already in the living room, wearing their Christmas pyjamas, and huddled up together on one couch watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas! .
The presents from his friends made him feel slightly better, though they also just made Remus miss them. At the end of the night, he fell asleep on the couch, squished in between his parents who were also nodding off. His tad must have levitated him to his bed because when he woke up the next morning, that is where he found himself.
His parents both leave him alone in the house by the time it hits mid-morning. Hope heads down to the bakery, which has been even busier than usual due to the time of year. (People in the village are a sucker for her seasonal, cranberry-filled beignets.) Lyall has a few errands to run today as he's offered to take over Marie's mam's event planning position until she's feeling better. So, Remus expects his day to be a bit lonely. That is until there's a knock at the door.
He drags himself off the couch and slips slightly in the kitchen because of his fluffy socks. He's got a blanket wrapped around himself and he's sure his hair looks a right state at the moment because he hasn't washed it since Christmas Eve. He doesn't really give a damn about any of this as he opens the door to find Felix on the other side of it.
"Hello," Felix grins.
"Hello...?" Remus says back, blinking in confusion at his unexpected guest.
"Can I come in?" Felix asks kindly.
"Oh! Yeah, hurry up, it's probably bloody freezing out there." He pulls Felix inside before slamming the door shut behind them. "So, what's up? Cara not with you today?"
"No, she's with Marie," Felix says slowly, his eyes concentrated on Remus who feels as understanding hits him.
"Oh."
"Yeah," his friend nods awkwardly. Remus isn't quite sure what to say. Luckily, he doesn't have to work to hard on figuring that out because Felix's awkward expression morphs into a sympathetic smile. "Are you okay?"
It's three simple words, a question Remus has heard plenty of times in the past, and yet it breaks him anyway. Because no, he isn't okay. He's really not.
"Sorry," he mumbles as he covers his face to hide the way his eyes have welled up with tears.
"Don't apologise, silly," Felix tuts, stepping forward and pulling Remus into a hug. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Do you want to just watch a bunch of movies and binge eat the rest of your mam's holiday cookies?"
"Yes," Remus croaks gratefully. Felix understands him so well.
"Do you also want to brush your teeth first? Please say yes."
Remus lets out a quiet chuckle, the first genuine one in days. He hugs Felix for a minute longer, neither one of them letting go. When Remus eventually does, he pulls back and breathes in Felix's face.
Felix gags dramatically and pulls away from him, stumbling to the other side of the kitchen. "Devil child!" He yells, making a cross with his fingers and holding it towards Remus. "Clean your teeth, you minger."
"Fine, fine," Remus rolls his eyes.
They reconvene in the living room five minutes later and Remus notices that Felix has already set up a movie on the telly. He is relieved to discover that it isn't a movie he dislikes, but is actually one of his favourites. The start of Badlands plays across the screen and Remus tucks himself deeper against the back of the couch, throwing a blanket over both him and Felix. They spend the day just as Felix said they would - watching movies and finishing off his mam's cookies.
Remus isn't expecting it when Cara turns up on his doorstep in the evening, after Remus and Felix have spent the last six hours or so watching crappy movies and eating whatever junk food they could find in his cupboards. She looks tired, so Remus invites her in immediately and offers her a cup of tea. She comes through to the living room with him, where Felix is still sitting on the couch, his eyes glued to the telly where a group of cartoon cats are singing and playing instruments.
"Aristocats, really?" Cara sends him a pitying look. Felix, who has his mouth open and a mars bar halfway to his lips turns when he hears the sound of his girlfriend's voice. His eyes light up and Remus watches as they both hesitate before glancing at him.
"You guys don't have to be like that just because Marie broke up with me. Just don't make me gag please," Remus says, plopping down on the couch beside Felix. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Cara sitting down on the other side of Felix and pressing one brief kiss to his lips. She settles in beside him, cradling her tea to her chest, and snuggling under the blanket.
"Speaking of... that," Cara says, not being blunt as she regularly would be. "How are you doing? Marie said she's worried about you."
"Me? I'm fine," Remus shrugs nonchalantly.
"Fine?" Felix scoffs incredulously. "He was crying earlier."
"I was not," Remus retorts.
"There's nothing wrong with having a little cry, Remus," Felix speaks seriously, reaching out to rest his hand on Remus' shoulder. "We're here for you."
"Alright, enough," Remus pushes forward until he's sitting on the edge of the couch. He drops his face into his hands and takes a deep breath before facing them both again. He sighs. "Okay, so, I'm not fine, but I will be. It's easier for me to believe that I will be if I tell myself I already am."
"That doesn't sound healthy," Felix comments.
"That's because it's not," Cara huffs. "Remus, if you aren't ready to talk about everything now, can you at least promise us you'll speak to one of your friends at school about it?"
"Aww, Cara, you almost sound concerned about me," Remus utters dramatically. "I'm touched."
"If you don't, Remus John Lupin, then I'll write to James about it and I'll tell him to lock you in a fucking cupboard until you speak if that's what it takes." She points her mug of tea in his face threateningly and Remus feels himself shrinking back.
"Okay, fine. I'll talk to whoever I want to about it, so don't go telling James anything," Remus now points his finger towards Cara, who just nods placatingly. Remus cools down a bit and slumps back into the couch cushions. "So, how... uh, how is Marie doing? Am I allowed to ask that question? I don't know how all of this works now."
"I know, I'm so confused about how much I can bring her up and vice versa," Felix admits, grimacing. "Poor Hugo's gonna come back to all of this and be so confused."
Ignoring her boyfriend completely, Cara looks straight at Remus. "You're allowed to ask about her, she is still your friend after all. Plus, she dumped you, so you have your rights."
"There's no need to remind me that she dumped me. Believe me, I am well aware," Remus mutters, crossing his arms grouchily. Then, a bit more calmly, "So, how is she?"
"To be honest," Cara meets his eye, "she isn't doing very well at all."
"Is she okay?" Remus questions, instantly sitting up again.
"She will be," Cara nods. "I just... I feel like you have to know, she only did this because she had to. She's wanted to be with you for so long and I'm sure she never even imagined that it would... well, you know. Anyway. She's quite heartbroken at the moment."
Remus feels a little stab of bitterness in his gut at that comment. Of course, he doesn't want Marie to be upset, he doesn't want her to be jumping for joy either, but heartbroken ? She dumped him, as everyone keeps reminding him. Remus understands that it wasn't necessarily what she wanted to do, but he still feels like it's unfair of Cara to come in here and tell him about how heartbroken the girl who just dumped him is. Yes, he asked how she is, but a simple "she's a bit sad at the moment" would have sufficed, or perhaps "she's alright".
"Well, at least we're back on the same wavelength. We've been broken up for a day and things are already looking up," he laughs diffidently.
"You know what," Cara bangs her cup down on the table, making both boys jump. She leans over Felix and grabs Remus by the shoulders. "We're not going to talk about Marie anymore tonight, okay? For the next couple of hours, she's the bitch who dumped your arse."
"Cara," Felix gasps.
"What? Remus is our best friend and he's just been dumped-"
"And you just keep saying it," Remus mumbles.
"-no matter who did it, Remus needs this from us right now."
Felix sighs. "Fine, but I won't be calling anyone a bitch."
"Good then," Cara leans forward to pick up her tea before leaning back into the couch. They finish Aristocats around the same time Remus' parents arrive home. Cara and Felix are invited to stay for dinner, so they do, and after another two movies they finally leave. Remus feels much lighter than he had when he woke up this morning and he is nothing but grateful for his friends.
Monday - 30th December, 1974
The full moon goes as terribly as it could have whilst being at home. As soon as he opened his eyes, he had a seizure, the first one he's had in months. He somehow managed to dislocate both of his shoulders, as well as several of his toes. He's now got an exceptionally long scar curling up from his hip and all the way around his rib. It was so bad his tad had to fire-call Poppy to come down and fix him up.
An owl arrives at his bedroom window just before midday and it takes Herculean effort for Remus to pull himself out of bed to get it. If his mam had caught him walking about, she likely would have scolded him for it before forcing him back beneath his covers. He discovers that the owl was sent by James when he pulls the envelope from it's leg. He has half of a sandwich leftover that he couldn't manage to eat, so he rips a part of it into little pieces before feeding it to the bird. Once it's flown off, Remus closes his window and limps back over to his bed.
At first, Remus is afraid that Cara might have said something to James about Marie, but when he unseals the envelope and actually reads the letter he realises it's just a quick message from James to check on him after the moon the night before. He should have expected that from James, honestly. The boy is too pure for this world.
Remus wraps himself back up in his blankets and soon drifts off to sleep. He heals faster when he naps after a moon, which is the only reason he doesn't mind doing it when he has a moon at Hogwarts, even if that means having to miss a day or two of lessons. He is, unfortunately, woken from his slumber by a loud knock on his bedroom door. He checks the clock on his bedside table and finds out he's slept through the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon.
The knock comes again.
"Come in," he grumbles, his voice sluggish because he's only just woken up. Actually, he's not entirely convinced that he isn't still dreaming.
He keeps his eyes shut, expecting it to be his tad or maybe his mam, she should be home from work soon. Then, someone calls out his name and his eyes shoot open. Blinking harshly, he props himself up on his elbows and stares at the small figure in his doorway. Well, that's definitely not his tad or his mam.
"Marie?" Remus frowns. Okay, so he's dreaming. Great. Just great, he's dreaming about his ex-girlfriend.
"Sorry, I just..." she hesitates, shuffling her feet beneath her. "I wanted to see how you are, you know, after last night."
"Oh."
"You sound surprised," she mumbles cautiously, like she's afraid Remus is going to start going off at her or something. Even if he wanted to, he is far too exhausted to do that right now.
"I am a bit," Remus admits. He sits up against his headboard, wincing slightly as he moves his shoulders. They've been clicked back into place and Poppy put a salve on them to make the pain bearable, but they are still quite sore.
"Are you okay?" Remus' head snaps up at the sound of Marie's worry-filled tone. She's stepped through the door now as if she wants to come closer, can't help but come closer, but knows she probably shouldn't.
Remus doesn't really care about what they should or should not do right now.
"Nothing I haven't felt before," he waves her off. "You can come in, if you'd like."
"Oh, okay," she whispers, closing the door behind her. Slowly, but surely, Marie makes her way over to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it, as far from Remus as she could possibly get. It is only then that Remus realises she's brought something with her. It looks like the box she used to keep his letters in, only now there is no post-it note on top.
"Well, this is fun," he comments, not able to stop himself.
"Somehow, it's more awkward than I could have imagined," Marie chuckles bitterly.
"How about a subject change then?" Remus suggests and Marie makes an interested noise. "What's that you've brought with you?"
"Oh, this," she glances down at the box in her hands as if she'd forgotten she was still holding it. "It's a box."
"I can see that."
"Shut up," she laughs again, this time it holds a cheerier tone and Remus feels his chest tighten slightly at the sound. "It's a box that holds every letter you've ever sent me over the last three and a half years. Do you remember when you tried to look in it a few years ago and I snatched it away from you?"
"Vividly," Remus snorts.
"Yes, well, I did that because on the back of each letter, I wrote a reply." Marie blushes as she admits this and Remus can't help but revel in the way that he is still able to do that to her.
"You wrote me back each time," he replies, confused.
"I didn't always say what I wanted to say," she explains, opening the box and pulling a letter out. "Like when I liked you and you didn't know it yet. This one is from October, 1972. You mentioned something about how James was sitting with these two popular kids from a few years above and you said how you didn't know what you'd do if they started talking to you, too."
"Fabian and Gideon," Remus smiles, feeling warmth bleed through his chest as he thinks about the twins. "I'm actually friends with them now."
Marie smiles. "Well, what I really wanted to say to that was," she holds the letter out in front of her and recites her words from over two years ago now. "I can't even imagine you fawning over a pair of popular guys, the old you would never. Besides, I don't see the point of getting so excited about some random blokes when you're the coolest one in that posh boarding school of yours."
"I'm not cool," Remus scoffs.
"Yes, you are. I don't understand how you don't see it. Have you ever read one of your own letters before?" Marie starts shuffling through the letters again, apparently looking for a specific one. Remus wonders how many times she must have read them all to know which one contains what. Even he wouldn't know that and he was the one who wrote them. "February, 1974."
"That one's from this year."
"Well spotted," Marie smirks. "You pranked your entire school and somehow managed to get someone to recite a poem you and your mates wrote to the deputy headmistress in front of everyone. Not just that, but you also did it all without getting caught. Remus, just admit that you and your friends are the popular kids."
"But we're-" He cuts himself off as he thinks about it. Okay, so he does know quite a lot of people, and people do praise him and his friends for their pranks, and yeah people he's never spoken to before know his name. That doesn't mean... "Oh, shit. Well, I don't know how that happened."
"You're cool," Marie squawks. "Anyway, I brought the box because I thought it would be nice for you to finally hear all of my thoughts. You deserve the truth." She tucks away the two letters she'd withdrawn and then passes the box across the bed to Remus.
"Thank you," he mumbles as he takes it and just holds onto it because it's precious.
"You're welcome," she smiles kindly at him.
"So, have you told anyone about me yet?"
"Not yet," Marie shakes her head. "I was going to wait until Hugo got back so I could tell them all at once. Also, I was sort of wondering if you'd like to tell them with me?"
"Does this mean we're still friends?" Remus asks, feeling strangely insecure.
"Of course, we are, Rem." She reaches out to grab one of his hands and grins at him. "You'll always be my friend, no matter what."
***
Sunday - 29th December, 1974
James
James is very proud of himself. He's been doing his occlumency practices ever since he returned home, just like he promised Regulus he would. He imagines his house of memories and secrets in his mind every night as he's drifting off to sleep, and he's been sorting his memories, thoughts and feelings into certain categories, so now his occlumency house is organised.
He's also been chanting his Animagus enchantment every single morning and evening, at sunrise and sunset. The second heartbeat was not a surprise per say, but it was quite startling the first time he started to feel it. There's something about being able to hear his animal's heartbeat that makes his own twinge affectionately. He can't wait to meet them, he's sure they'll be best friends.
The very first thing he did when he got home was go to the dusty, old music room in his house, which he hasn't entered for almost four years now. He set the sheet music Pandora gifted to him and got to learning the Muggle song. He had been pleasantly surprised to discover Regulus knew the song and was strangely happy that this would be another thing they got to share. It took him a couple of hours (he was a bit rusty - he hadn't played in years, okay? Don't judge him), but eventually he got it just right.
On top of those things, he has kept in regular correspondence with Regulus through their notebooks. He can't even begin to describe the relief he felt when he found out what they truly did, that James would be able to communicate with Regulus when they were both at home in a way that wouldn't put Regulus in danger. He still uses his code name 'The Sun' when he is referring to himself, just in case, and Regulus has started to sign his off with 'The Star', which causes butterflies to riot in James' stomach whenever he reads it.
So far, Regulus' holidays haven't been too terrible. He did inform James that his mother hit him with a stinging hex a couple of nights ago at dinner when they had guests over. James had almost broken his quill when trying to write out his response. Apparently the Blacks' annual Christmas Eve party went along much less cheerfully than the one James' family had held. Regulus mentioned Evan was invited to his this year because of his recent betrothment and alliance with the Travers family. However, much to Regulus' annoyance, the invite had not extended to Pandora, too. So, Regulus and Evan spent the entire evening sulking miserably in a corner, only leaving it when they had to dance with their fiancés.
James had a pretty good Christmas, especially compared to the last one when there was that tragic murder in the newspaper. He has been quite concerned about Remus ever since Christmas Eve, but they've shared a letter or two since then and Remus hasn't mentioned anything else about the subject, so James assumes he's sorted it all out now. He hopes he has. James didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. He was up in his room, talking to Regulus through their notebooks, when Remus left. He'd been disheartened when he returned to the party to find his friend gone.
It's the full moon tonight, so James has been thinking about Remus all day. He'll send him a letter tomorrow once it's all over to see how he's doing.
Another thing James has had on his mind ever since he came home is something he's been curious about ever since the summer. He had lost all his nerve during the summer, so he never ended up asking his parents about it, but over the last few months he hasn't been able to release himself from his strangling curiosity, so he thinks it's about time he finally asks his questions.
He's due to leave for Sirius' house in just less than two hours, where he will be staying until they go back to Hogwarts. So, he knows he will find his parents in the living room. It's a Sunday, so his father isn't working, and they haven't left the house today in their usual mysterious fashion. When he enters the living room, he finds his father strewn out across one of the couches, a book held above him as his eyes move from side-to-side beneath his glasses, taking in each word. His mother is sitting on one of the armchairs near the fireplace, a newspaper resting in her lap whilst she holds a quill between her fingers. Distractedly, she plays with the soft feather tip, brushing her thumb across it. Her eyes flick up to James when she notices him standing in the doorway. A grin instantly takes residence on her face and something in James soars every time he sees that smile because it's just another reminder of his mother's infallible love for him.
"James," she calls, waving him over, so he goes. She pats the arm of the chair and James perches on it, leaning over to get a look at the crossword she is doing. "Four down, seven letters, the name of the star which resides in the heart of the scorpion."
"You know this one," James chuckles.
"Yes, but do you?" His mother counters, raising her eyebrows and smirking at him. James leans against the back of his chair as he searches his brain. He's discovered, ever since starting his occlumency lessons with Regulus, that using his occlumency house has effectively expanded his long-term memory and has come in handy for his schoolwork.
"Antares," he says assuredly.
"Ah, yes. That's it," Effie hums, sending him a cheeky smile before she scribbles the answer down into the crossword, finishing it off. She puts the newspaper to the side and crosses her hands in her lap, tilting her head up to look at James. "You have something you need to talk to us about, love?"
"I still don't understand how you always know," James mumbles, huffing out a low, nervous laugh.
"Let's go and join your father on the couch," his mother instructs as she stands from her chair. James follows as she walks across the room, sitting down right as Monty moves his legs. He finishes his page and puts his book on the coffee table, looking up at James with a warm smile.
"Come sit," his father pats the empty space between him and Effie, so James fills it, feeling much more anxious than he had done only a few moments ago. He starts to pick at his cuticles but his mum reaches out to gently pull his hands apart, something that reminds him of Regulus.
"It's about Harry," James speaks quietly. His throat feels like an empty tube someone is squeezing.
"What about him, James?" Monty asks, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. James looks up at his father and stares up into eyes so similar, yet somehow different to his own. Those eyes saw exactly what James' did all those years ago, a child taken from the world far too soon, in the most brutal way. He must have known, going in, what he might find. Yet, he didn't even falter when entering that forest, he dove right in. James has always admired his father for his bravery, among other things, so he borrows a little piece of it now, hoping his father won't mind.
"When you found him... I've never really asked you about it before, but I want to know. How did he actually die? I always just assumed it was- well, you know. I've never even entertained the possibility that he could have died because of something else. I just... I want to know. What happened to him?" His voice is practically non-existent by the time he's finished talking. He has to swallow, afraid he might suffocate if he doesn't.
"I'll answer your questions, James, I promise, but first... Why the sudden curiosity?" His father is watching him with inquisitive eyes, something that makes James squirm slightly in his seat.
"I guess I'm just not afraid to ask anymore," James responds, realising as he says it that it's the truth. His need to know has finally begun to outweigh his fear; it's a cathartic feeling that grips him fiercely, like a man who has been deprived of food would reach for a bite of something edible. It's freeing, a bit mentally strenuous, but relieving.
"Alright, James, I'll tell you," his father finally replies. Monty's dark eyes are now full of something like reverence and consolation all mixed up in one.
James cries, which, okay, he was sort of expecting that to happen. He doesn't have a panic attack though, which he was not anticipating. He'd thoroughly been waiting in dread for one to come, but it never did, and he realised that was because, at some point, along the way, the guilt of it all... it had lessened. Not quite vanished, not quite gone, but nearly. After years of being reassured, years of speaking out loud to silent rooms to a dead person, years of avoiding the edge of his back garden, he's finally letting go of the shame that's had a death-grip on him for the last five years.
His father tells him the truth about Harry's death, how when they found him he had injuries on him that meant he had been thrown about by Richard Clark. He had also sustained lacerations from where he must have been dumped beside the river, rather than in it as James always suspected, and some animals must have gotten to him. Scratches and bites covered his body, which explains the large wound James remembers seeing. The one he's had nightmares about. He must have been knocked into the water by the animals and swept away with the current.
The very worst part of it all though is that he was still alive before he ever went in. They found a fatal amount of water inside of his lungs, meaning he would've breathed it in. Meaning he drowned. Meaning whilst he was being ripped to shreds by animals, he was still alive.
James' father attempts to reassure him by saying Harry would have likely been unconscious and so he might not have felt a thing, but it doesn't really help very much. All these years, he thought Harry was murdered and that was it, that was enough, that was all there was to it. But no. Instead his murderer abandoned his body, thinking he was dead, leaving him to the forces of nature, and he drowned.
James can't breathe.
He can't because- because if Harry had just woken up, or if their fathers had found him sooner, he could still be here. If those animals never found him, would he still be alive today? Would he have bled out from the wounds Richard Clark caused? There are too many ifs, too many would he haves for James' mind to comprehend. He feels sick with it.
Still, he doesn't let the panic engulf him with it's harsh flames. Instead, he breathes it in, but doesn't let it settle. He swallows it and it churns in his stomach and he cries. It's a whimpering sort of cry, so unlike his usual body-rattling sobs. This time, he's just sad. Sad for his friend who didn't get the chance to grow up and never will. Sad for what he's lost. Sad that it took him this long to find out the truth.
He cries into his father's arms and takes comfort in the way his mother runs her hand soothingly up and down his back until the tears cease to fall from his eyes.
When he arrives in Sirius' living room two hours later, he is instantly faced with a very tiny person. He lets out a soft cry when he realises exactly who it is he's looking at. Sirius' little sister takes one look at him before shrieking out a laugh. James takes that to mean she likes him.
"Hi, James!" Sirius grins at him. He readjusts Dora so that she is now sitting on his hip and then helps James with his trunk. "How are things?"
"Good, what about you? Oh, Sirius, she's just adorable," James ignores his trunk and instead gives all of his attention to the beautiful, little baby on Sirius' hip. "Hi, Dora."
"Blib," she says and James assumes that's her way of saying hello.
"She's been saying that all weekend," Sirius chuckles fondly. "Mum wasn't going to count it as her first word, but dad and I found out that it actually is a word, so we're counting it," Sirius shrugs.
"Really? What does it mean?"
"Apparently, in Scotland it is a term for a weak tea or a very watery soup," Sirius explains, proudly looking down at his sister. "She's a Brit in the making."
Andy walks into the living room then, grinning as she notices James. "Hello, dear, I was wondering when you'd turn up. Has Sirius offered you anything to drink yet?"
"Mum, I'm sure during James' journey through the fireplace he didn't suddenly become plagued with thirst," Sirius raises his eyebrows.
"Well, he's had such a long and arduous journey," Andy retorts sarcastically. "So, James, would you like a drink?"
"Oh, I'm alright, but thank you. I should probably get this out of everyone's way though," James says, gesturing to his trunk. He lifts it up and starts dragging it towards the doorway that leads to the staircase.
"Make sure you put that in the guestroom, James," Andy calls out, making James and Sirius stop in their tracks. They share a bewildered look because they had been planning for James to sleep in Sirius' room, just as he usually does.
"Why?" Sirius asks suspiciously.
"He's a boy. I can't trust you not to do scandalous things, can I? N-"
"No, no! You can't- that's not- mum !" Sirius stomps his foot like he's five years old, instead of fifteen. It looks a bit funny with Dora still perched on his hip, but James tries not to laugh. He can tell Andy is only joking, if the smirk threatening to curl in the corner of her mouth is anything to go by. "He's James, I would never."
"Oi," James huffs. "I will have you know, I am a very handsome man."
"And don't I know it," Sirius jokingly flirts, sending him a wink.
James gasps dramatically. "Sirius, don't flirt with me in front of your mum. She'll find out about us."
"Well, apparently she already knows. We might as well be out with it now," Sirius proclaims, stepping towards James purposefully.
"Alright, alright, enough," Andy snorts. "Go do whatever you teenagers do nowadays, but give me my child." She holds her hands out for Dora and Sirius reluctantly passes his sister over to his mum.
Monday - 30th December, 1974
The first thing James does the next morning is send a letter to Remus. He writes it whilst Sirius is still snoring away and sends it away before he's even awake. The evening before was spent in the Tonks' living room; Sirius showed James his new record, the one Jess got him for Christmas. He listened as Sirius went on a tangent about how Jess must have gone to a Muggle shop to acquire it, and then he told James it was released only a couple of months ago, so it must have been very expensive.
They showed each other the presents they got and James is amazed by the little animated wooden dog Xeno made for Sirius. James doesn't mention the presents Regulus got him, in case Sirius asks him who it was from. Instead, he tells him about the advanced broom polish his parents got him, it's a special one from Scandinavia that keeps the wood looking young for longer.
"Oh, did I tell you I've learnt the song Pandora got me for Secret Santa off by heart?" James beamed with pride, still surprised he managed to so easily recall all the piano chords.
"Really? That's cool. I still think you got a bit ripped off, if you ask me," Sirius shrugged. "Even I put more effort into the gift I bought and I don't even like the person."
"Who did you have?" James had asked, expecting Sirius to say Snape.
"Black," Sirius replied, shrugging. James had paused and gaped slightly at him. He wished he had known because now he was worried that Sirius might have gotten Regulus something terrible. Sirius noticed his cautious expression and rolled his eyes. "I wasn't mean. It is Christmas after all. I got him something he will actually use, don't worry. Now, come on, tell me what else you got."
James, sensing that Sirius wouldn't say anything else on the matter, started listing out all the presents he got from their friends, he'd been surprised to find a group-present from Xeno, Astro, Benji and Kingsley under his tree - Benji must have snuck that in James' trunk during one of his visits to the Gryffindor dormitories.
"I should probably thank them all, but I only know where Xeno and Benji live. I think Kingsley lives in London somewhere, doesn't he? I have no idea about Astro," James had said.
"He was here just a couple of days ago," Sirius explained, but then frowned. "I would say you could just thank him now, but he's already left."
Sirius had then swiftly shifted the conversation onto one of their plans for the next night, which is now tonight. There's supposed to be a storm breaking it's way through Cornwall from midday today until tomorrow morning.
During the first half of the day, Sirius and James get out of the house and head down towards the beach before the torrential weather pours in. They take Ayers with them, who stands out explicitly with his bright orange scales in contrast to the dull-coloured sand. They buy some chips from a nearby fish and chip shop that looks more like a hut than an actual shop with it's striped, blue and white wooden design.
They only return home when the first spots of rain begin to fall. Sirius insists they stop by the Muggle supermarket first, so James has his first ever trip to Sainsbury's. He drags Sirius down each and every aisle, eyes falling on everything they can. He is especially amazed by the freezer aisle, which keeps food cold without even using magic. James remembers their Muggle Studies professor telling them about fridges and freezers - he'd explained how they only worked in the winter time when it was cold outside. Somehow the Muggles were able to summon the cold outside to within. That sounded like magic to James.
Once they've got a bag full of Muggle sweets, which James is completely mystified by ("What do you mean none of them make you fly?" James had shrieked; this was followed by one of Sirius' famous barks of laughter. James got the impression it was at his expense), they go back to Sirius'. Their clothes are soaked through by the time they get back and Ted ushers them hurriedly into the shop before chucking towels at their heads. James finds it particularly difficult to get his glasses dry.
Ayers, who had been sitting on Sirius' shoulder but scattered when Ted threw the towel at him, crawls across the floor of the shop before climbing up a long, patterned digeridoo and hopping onto the counter. Ted walks over to retrieve the gecko and passes him to James, who has now finally gotten all of the excess water off his glasses. James lets Ayers rest on his shoulder, he huddles into the collar of James' t-shirt.
"You boys ought to go change into some dry clothes. You'll catch your death if you stay in them any longer in this temperature," Ted suggests, sending them on their way.
They rush up the stairs of the tower until they are back in Sirius' bedroom. Soon they are both in a fresh set of clothes, their sweets strewn out across the floor where Sirius upturned the plastic shopping bag and let them fall out everywhere. James crouches above them and starts rifling through the packets, frowning when he recognises none of the brand names. What happened to Honeydukes?
"Try these," Sirius chucks him a bag of 'Rowntree's Randoms'. James looks down at the bag sceptically, but he does eventually open it. He trusts Sirius. There's an assortment of random objects and animals and- oh, James understands the name now. He picks out a purple and white monkey and places it in his mouth.
"O-oh Merlin, these-" He stares down at the packet again and tries to memorise the name because he will be purchasing these again in the future. They are nowhere near as chewy as pepper imps are, nor do they set his mouth aflame, or jump about like a chocolate frog. James finds that, while perhaps more boring, Muggle sweets are much less troublesome, and therefore preferable. "Sirius, you can't tell me these weren't created with magic."
Sirius shrugs nonchalantly, but his arrogant grin gives him away. "Muggle-made, mate. Hey, maybe you could bring a pack to class when we get back. Palsley will piss himself with excitement."
"These are mine now, yes?" James asks, giving Sirius an innocent smile to convince him.
"Yes, fine, have them all," Sirius chuckles. "Now, wait until you try Maltesers!"
Just after they have eaten dinner, Sirius and James brave the storm. Ted and Andy think they are going to stay at Xeno's for the night, but in truth they are going to go to Xeno's and then immediately climb out of his bedroom window (so Viera and Soniniqus can vouch for them if Sirius' parents ask how the boys behaved) and journey out to the woods.
That's the only part James is actually scared of. The woods. Their plan is to shift under the shelter of the trees and then spend the rest of the night out there because they have no idea what animals they will become, so it would just be safer for everyone. Sirius had originally suggested they use the beach, but James brought up the issue that it would be too open and, therefore, too risky. They don't want to be caught after all.
So, James had, rather valiantly he thinks, agreed to the woods.
When they arrive at Xeno's, they greet his parents and assure them they have already eaten. Xeno drags them away from his parents as quickly as he can, informing them not to come up to his bedroom because they are going to be performing a séance. James is quite happy with the knowledge that that isn't actually true; he is sure that if they were actually performing a séance, he would have a panic attack at the prospect of seeing Harry.
As soon as the door to Xeno's bedroom is locked, he guides them over to the window. He points to a ladder he propped up against the side of his house right before they got here and instructs them to hide it in the bushes once they've climbed down.
"When you return in the morning, use the ladder again to climb back up and I'll pull it into here so that my parents don't notice," Xeno explains, his expression hopeful. "Now, go on, it's already very dark out and you'll need to be careful."
"Thank you, Xeno, seriously," Sirius says, pulling Xeno into a brief hug. "We'll see you in the morning."
"Definitely," Xeno promises with an eager nod. "It will go well."
And on that optimistic note, Sirius and James begin to climb out of Xeno's bedroom window to start their adventure of becoming animals. There's a sentence he never thought he'd say.
Sirius hides the ladder beneath a bush of purple hyacinths, making sure it is obscured enough that Xeno's parents won't discover it. Then, they start their hike towards the edge of the village where the woods reside. James' nerves are on high alert the entire way there. His body starts to shiver, but he doesn't think it's because of the cold, stabbing rain that's hitting his face. No, it's almost as if his body can sense the nearby trees, large and looming, and it's warning him to run away. He doesn't listen to it, of course, not even when he's standing directly in front of the treeline and his knees begin to shake so violently that he's afraid they will buckle beneath him.
He reminds himself that he's doing this for Remus. This isn't even the same forest. Besides, he isn't alone. Sirius reaches out and takes James' hand, which catches James' attention, guiding it away from the harrowing reality he is suddenly being struck with.
"I know you're scared, James," Sirius whispers and James' eyes move back over to the trees, but he listens to Sirius' soft words. "It's going to be dark and it's going to be scary, but you can do this. I believe in you. I'll be here with you the entire way. You're not alone."
It's those last three words that really hit him right where he needs to be struck. You're not alone. It's a reassurance and it's a promise all at once. He trusts Sirius as much as he trusts his parents and that is not something he ever expected to find in a person. He has, and not just in Sirius. He's found a perennial trust in Remus and Peter, Frank and Lily, Mary and Regulus. It's all been so gradual, something he had to build, something he didn't even realise he was putting the effort into creating, but now he can see it all. It's his trust in Sirius that has him stepping forward, that has him taking a slow, deep breath when he feels his lungs begin to shrivel in fear.
The trees here aren't the same as the ones back home. These ones are longer, with lower branches that stick out like helpful climbing steps. James remembers when he used to climb trees all the time, it was one of his favourite pastimes, and he hasn't done it in years. He feels a shot of excitement and relief burst up his spine when he realises that the trees aren't scaring him... but are triggering the childish urge within him to play. It's nostalgic in a way that's almost bitter because his childhood was stolen away from him by what James always associated was the forest. That really isn't true. It was never the forest that was at fault; if anything, the forest was an unwilling witness, a silent member of the jury who couldn't be heard. It was what lured in the forest that was dangerous, but James should never have blamed what was incapable of inflicting pain when, really, it was also a victim.
The darkness is crueller to him. Shadows shift and morph into ghosts of his past, though maybe that's just his imagination. See, he's blaming the wrong thing again, isn't he? James focuses on his other senses, rather than his sight. He focuses on the feel of Sirius' hand in his and the crunch of sticks beneath the soles of his shoes; the damp, earthy smell of the ground - an infusion of dropped leaves and snow-covered moss; the sound of the rain pattering restlessly against every surface it can find; the taste of the salty air, colder than it is in London because they are closer to the sea.
Eventually, they come across a clearing that Sirius seems to have led them to without James noticing. He's told James about this place a few times in the past; it's the place he comes to fly with his mum. The rain falls heavier over their heads here because the trees are further apart, so they have less shelter. They don't let this discourage them, however, as they begin to pull their potions from their bags. James notices his has turned blood-red and when he turns he finds that Sirius' has to. He knows this to be a good sign, it means, so far, they've done everything right.
"You know what to do? We have to say the incantation again, don't forget your wand. Then, we drink it," Sirius instructs, pulling his wand from his coat pocket. "Ready?"
"I'm ready," James nods, wielding his own wand.
Together they chant, "Amato Animo Animato Animagus," their wands pressed to their chests. Then, they both lift up their vials and down their potions. A fiery pain blasts through James' every cell; it's uncomfortable, like a prickly hedgehog getting rolled up and down every inch of his skin, but it's bearable. James knows this is also a part of the transformation, so he doesn't let it frighten him. By the looks of it, Sirius is going through the same thing.
The second heartbeat within him begins to pound erratically, like it's just received the breath of life and is eager to be set free. James watches as the shape of his new animal friend burns against his eyelids. He sees something large, something vaguely horse-like (which almost makes him laugh with shock when he remembers how Lily had predicted he would be a horse a couple of months ago). A thrill of enthusiasm swirls in his stomach as he realises that this is actually going to work. They've done it. They will actually be able to help Remus. No more dark, lonely shack and tortured nights of boredom where the wolf has no other entertainment but to rip himself to shreds.
"We need to hide our wands," Sirius yells over the rain, which has begun to fall with more power now. Both of them are soaked through again, but neither of them take any notice of this. They put their wands in their bags and hide them inside a nearby hollow tree.
Closing his eyes, James allows the silhouetted image of his Animagus to fill his mind and he feels as his arms begin to twist and transform. Something starts to sprout from the top of his head, creating a tickling sensation that almost makes him squirm. He lets out a huffing sound, something animalistic and not quite human. His fingers curl in and disappear altogether, giving way to hooves. Hair grows out of every pore along his body. The thing that is most surprising to him is how much taller he feels. There's a weight to his head that wasn't there before and when he tilts it to the side, he feels uneven.
When he glances down at Sirius through startlingly clear eyes, he discovers a medium-sized, shaggy black dog in place of his friend. He glances up at James with wide, silver eyes and then lets out a vibrating noise that sounds a bit like a laugh.
James steps forward and almost tumbles over as he gets used to walking on all fours, rather than just two legs as humans tend to do. He isn't a human right now though, he's a... actually, he has no idea what he is, but he doesn't think he's a horse.
They agreed on only remaining in the Animagus forms for a total of two minutes before attempting to transform back into humans. James closes his eyes and pictures himself, the human version, trying his very best to also focus on the clothes he had been wearing because sometimes people are naked when they transform back and James would rather not be left on the snowy forest floor completely bare. He feels as the wet cloth of his shirt falls against his chest and then lets out a relieved breath when he looks down and finds himself back as a (fully-clothed) human being.
"We did it!" Sirius shouts at the same time he jumps towards James to hug him. He also, luckily, still has his clothes on.
"We did! I can't believe that it actually worked. We actually bloody did it. What am I?"
"Completely, insanely cool," Sirius smirks. "You're a stag, James."
"I am?" James asks, bemused. Out of everything he'd guessed over the past couple of years, stag had not entered his mind once. "Does that mean I have antlers?"
"Yeah. Bloody massive ones, too," Sirius snorts. "I thought you were going to take my eye out when you tripped."
"You're a dog by the way," James says, ignoring Sirius' comment about his clumsiness.
"I know, I could tell by the paws." Sirius wiggles his fingers in James' face.
For the rest of the night they practice shifting between their animal and human forms. They run around the forest and James discovers he isn't at all frightened of the trees when he is a stag. The forest feels like home in a way, which isn't something he never thought he would be saying after his history with forests. Instead of being full of fear and anxiety, James spends his time in the forest having fun.
Tuesday - 31st December, 1974
The next morning, James is awoken by the sound of someone calling out his and Sirius' names. His eyes snap open and he almost jumps when he finds himself in a forest, but then memories of last night flood his brain and he grins. He ended up falling asleep propped up against a tree, so his back feels a bit shot, but he doesn't care. Last night was a success, a major one at that. Sirius is still in his dog form, laying next to James with his head on his thigh. James reaches down to stroke his head, almost forgetting that this isn't just a dog but is actually his best friend.
"James !" The voice comes from Sirius' bag and James realises for the first time since waking up that it's Lily. He reaches across Sirius' prone body for the boy's bag and pulls Sirius' half of the mirror out of the front pocket. Lily's face immediately comes into view, her hair as blindingly bright as ever and her eyes wide with anticipation.
"Morning, Lils," James grins.
"God, you look awful. Where are you?"
James' smile drops. He pats down his hair self-consciously. "We're still in the forest. We stayed the night."
"Of course, you did," Lily mutters, shaking her head. "So, it worked then?"
"Yes!" James wiggles excitedly, jolting Sirius, who grumbles. "I'm not a horse, but you were very close."
"Don't tell me what you are yet," Lily says before James can continue. "We should all wait until you guys get back to Hogwarts, so we can reveal our animals in person. Where's Sirius?"
"Sounds good. Sirius is still sleeping, he slept in his Animagus form," James explains, his hand still running across Sirius' furry head. "Did it go well for you and Pete?"
"It went brilliantly, James!" Lily bursts out, causing Sirius to let out another grumble, it sounds suspiciously like a growl. "Peter is a bit disappointed by his Animagus, so I'm going to do a bunch of research on it to prove to him that it's great. He should be proud of himself for accomplishing this in the first place."
"Oh, that sucks. I'm sure his is brilliant, just like yours." James smirks, "So, are you a dragon?"
Lily shrugs, stubbornly secretive about the entire thing. "I might be, but you won't know until next week. I should probably be going now. Azalia will be up any minute."
"Alright, Lily. We'll see you in a few days." James waves before putting the mirror back in the front pocket of Sirius' bag. His head drops back against the trunk of the tree and he lets his eyes close. They did it, they really did it.
They're Animagi.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
cariad = sweetheart (Welsh)
mami = mummy (Welsh)
Rwy'n dy garu di mwy = I love you more (Welsh)
MENTIONS:
-I find it so funny how Remus is a fourteen-year-old casually asking his mate for relationship advice. I don't know why, but that's hilarious to me. He's just having a mental breakdown and I'm laughing at him 😭 On the bright side: Cara and Felix <3
-Remus is like: just because I am in musicals, doesn't mean I like watching them 🙄
-No one understands how special Hope Lupin is to me. no one. I adore that woman more than everyone else and I will fight Lyall for her if I have to.
-And Monty. I just love all the parents (except for Walburga, and Pandora and Evan's parents, and Lily's mum, and Scarlett's mum.. so maybe not all of them then). Monty and drunk Remus is a duo I need more of.
-Drunk Remus should never be allowed anywhere near Jess ever again, the poor boy was just trying to be nice 😭
-I feel like Frank's breaking moment was a long time coming. I feel so bad for him, but I really wanted to highlight the fact that canonically Augusta Longbottom expected way too much of her son (and obviously Neville later on, too).
-Marie's plot is about to get interesting in the upcoming chapters. I'm actually really excited for her storyline, even if it is a bit sad. She's probably one of my most interesting characters - definitely one of my favourites to write about. Also, Remus has been calling her "perfect" since the beginning of this fic and I did that on purpose because, well you'll see.
-Sooooo that happened. Marie and Remus broke up. whoops. In a way, they're sort of like Harry and James, they just made it a little further, but not all the way :( Also, she broke up with him on Christmas.. it's not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone 💀
-I wish Felix and Cara were real because I want to be friends with them :(
-I had to end Remus and Marie on a positive note. I just had to. we finally found out why she hid his own letters from him :)
-Just when you think what happened to Harry was over, it gets worse. That's all we'll hear about his death for a long time, but not completely..
-Sirius and James <3 Dora <3
-Sirius was Regulus' Secret Santa, which means he gave him the howler diffusers! He's just doing his brotherly thing <3
-THEY'RE ANIMAGI! Next chapter we'll get to see what Lily and Peter's are :)Thanks so much for your comments and support on the last chapter! The next chapter won't be out for 7-10 days, so see you then. I hope you enjoyed this chapter x
Chapter 51: Fourth Year: The Remembered
Summary:
James mourns Harry with a friend. We see Lily and Peter's Animagus forms. An annual Valentine's Day prank.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief reference to child abuse (stinging hex)
-mention of a dog death (old age)
-mention of child death (Harry)
-mention of unwanted arranged marriage
-werewolf transformation from an outsider's perspectiveLet me know if I forgot anything <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Now I have to remember you for
longer than I have known you.
~ C. C. Aurel
Wednesday - 1st January, 1975
Regulus
New Year's Day brings with it Nicholas' first birthday. Regulus can't believe his godson was born a whole year ago. It feels like only yesterday he was rushing to St. Mungo's to meet him.
Regulus and his parents Floo to Malfoy Manor and share a delectable lunch with the Malfoys. He wouldn't mind it so much were it not for the fact that Lucius' parents, along with Regulus' uncle Cygnus and aunt Druella are here. Bellatrix is here too with her husband. At least Regulus is seated between Nicholas - who is sitting in a shiny, wooden highchair - and Narcissa. Bellatrix isn't too far away from him, she sits on Narcissa's left and spends the majority of the meal picking on Regulus for the length of his hair. He has been growing it for a bit longer than he usually would, so it now hangs just below his jawline. His mother has been bugging him about it for days and has threatened to chop it off several times.
After lunch, Regulus accompanies Narcissa on her daily walk through the manor's gardens. Great, pink roses bloom across thick bushes, somehow managing to have survived through the harsh winter they've experienced this year. They are much nicer than the white roses in the gardens back at Grimmauld, the vibrant hues give the grounds more life. It's a moody sort of day, the clouds fight for dominance over the sky and a thick fog settles over the grass, giving a dampness to the air that makes Regulus shiver in his cloak.
Nicholas is sitting on his mother's hip, babbling about something neither of them can quite understand. Sometimes he says real words and Regulus is stunned every time he catches one. Apparently, Nicholas has been speaking ever since October when he first spoke the word, "Baddy," which they all assumed meant "Daddy" since he directed it at Lucius. It had made Regulus laugh when he first heard it, which caused his mother to send a stinging hex his way for his lack of table manners.
"He quite enjoys the fog," Narcissa explains after Nicholas lets out a particularly shrill noise of enthusiasm. "I'm not sure what it is about it that excites him."
Regulus watches his godson squirm on his mother's hip with warm eyes. He loves seeing how Nicholas is slowly acquiring little traits that make him individual to everyone else. There's a magic to it and Regulus feels honoured to get the chance to witness it.
"And what are his opinions on the roses?" Regulus asks, plucking one from a nearby bush and holding it up to Nicholas, who lets out a small cry and rears back. "Not his favourite then?"
"He's frightened of the thorns," Narcissa explains. She takes the rose from Regulus' hand and wiggles it in Nicholas' face. "It's just a rose, little Nico. Nothing to be afraid of, look." Nicholas doesn't look convinced as he side-eyes Narcissa, but he doesn't cry anymore, so Regulus assumes that means he isn't as afraid as he was before.
"Nico?"
"It's the only name he responds to," Narcissa sighs, lowering the rose and letting it drop to the ground by their feet. "Abraxas started calling him it a couple of months ago and it's sort of stuck."
"Is that right?" Regulus hums. "He does look like a Nico."
"Yes, I suppose it is rather cute," Narcissa agrees. She coos over her child, who giggles loudly, it echoes across the ground making the gloom feel less, well, gloomy. When Narcissa turns to him again, she asks, "So, how is James?"
Instinctively, Regulus checks his surroundings, as if he's waiting for his mother to jump out of one of the bushes and yell Aha! Of course, that would never happen because 1) Walburga Black would never do something as demeaning as hiding in a bush, and 2) she would never willingly interject an exclamation such as "aha".
"James is well, he's been having a good Christmas so far," Regulus replies, feeling as a smile creeps up his face at the turn this conversation has taken.
"That's nice. Did he get you anything for Christmas?" Narcissa questions casually.
"He did," Regulus nods once. "An invisibility hat so I can avoid mother whenever I'm home."
Narcissa releases a startled laugh at his honest confession. "Well, I hope you managed to give him back a gift just as special," she chimes, smiling knowingly.
"I'm not sure such a thing exists," Regulus admits. As arrogant as he had been about the presents he got James when they were together in the Astronomy tower, he definitely thinks James won. Regulus has used his new hat almost every day and it has done wonders to cure the lack of entertainment in Grimmauld. There have been a number of times where his mother has entered a room she thought he was in and he had been wearing the hat and he got to see her baffled expression - something he's rarely seen in the past. It's been a very good Christmas so far.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out next Christmas," Narcissa assures him, and there's still that sneaky smile on her face that he doesn't understand.
When Regulus returns home later that day, he makes his way up to his room and decides to start packing his trunk now. He won't be catching the Hogwarts Express until the fifth, which is still a few days away, but he's excited to go back and just can't stop himself. It had felt good to talk to Narcissa about James because Regulus hasn't told anyone else about his secret, Gryffindor friend. Pandora knows, of course, but Regulus hasn't spoken to her about the situation yet. Also, it's just comforting for him to know that Narcissa, one of his favourite people, accepts his friendship with James. He knows most of his family wouldn't, Bellatrix and his mother especially, but knowing that the part of his family he actually cares about is just okay with it... it makes him feel really happy.
The extension-charmed bag Scarlett gave him for his birthday, which he keeps under his floorboard when he's back at home, is grabbed and stuffed into the bottom of his trunk. It's got quite a lot in it now, Regulus is gaining a collection. There is the Muggle lighter engraved with his initials, a gift Barty gave him a couple of years ago. Then, there's the sunglasses his uncle Alphard gifted him during the Christmas they spent together two years ago now. (Regulus still has no idea where the man is; he hasn't heard even a whisper about him since he left.) He has a collection of Muggle books and piano songs sent from Dorcas for him to keep, all bent and used. Then, there are all the hats and scarves and pairs of gloves Pandora has crochetted for him over the years, as well as the invisibility hat James gave him this Christmas. Finally, there's his notebook.
He pulls the invisibility hat and the notebook out and keeps them under his floorboard, knowing he will need them during the next few days, so there is no point in packing them away yet.
For the duration of the afternoon, he writes out letters to each of his friends. He saw Evan only a week ago at the Blacks' annual Christmas Eve ball, which he hadn't been expecting, but was pleasantly surprised by. Evan got a chance to catch up with Narcissa again, and he and Regulus spent most of the night hiding in a corner from their parents. Scarlett had found them eventually and then scolded them both for leaving her to fend off their parents on her own. They were forced to dance with Scarlett and Holly a few times, but were mostly left alone. Evan's father spent the night boasting about his son's alliance with the Travers family, whilst his mother remained by the man's side, drinking her troubles away.
It hit Regulus when he was watching Evan and Holly dance, when he noticed the lack of attraction Evan held for the girl, that Evan's disdain towards his future with Holly had nothing to do with the girl herself or the fact that Evan did not want to marry at all. It was because Holly was not the person he wanted to be with. Regulus wondered how long Evan had liked Barty for, he's almost certain that's what it is. He remembers how he'd come across two married men when he was searching for Ted and how he'd gone to research about it only to come across James who helped explain it all. Was Evan like that? Did he like just boys, or did he like both?
Regulus didn't know how to ask that night, and he still doesn't know how to now. He hasn't mentioned it in any of the letters they've shared and neither has Evan. He could ask him about it when they get back to school, but he has no idea how he is supposed to start that conversation. It's still all very new to him.
When Kreacher pops into his room to inform him that dinner is to be served in five minutes, Regulus thanks him and leaves his trunk only half-filled with his things. He makes his way down to the dining room. On his way, he passes the portrait of himself and Scarlett. They both look regal and withdrawn, classic Black family style. For the first time ever, Regulus realises how alike him and Scarlett are to Evan and Holly. Both couples forced together, both unwanted, both unhappy. At least Evan has reason to not want to marry Holly - if he prefers the company of other boys, then it all makes sense. But Regulus... he's never really thought too deeply about why he has no attraction to Scarlett. It isn't that he is besotted with anyone else, not like Evan likely is with Barty. It isn't because Scarlett is uninteresting or unattractive, it isn't like they don't get along.
There's a flag waving in the very back of his head, like a signal telling him... something. There are two feelings swimming in his gut right now: fear and exhilaration. So, he doesn't know if he's trying to warn himself not to stray too far from his own cluelessness, or if he's celebrating the fact that he's nearly got his answer. Does he step forward? Doesn't he? Does he let himself figure it out even if it's going to hurt him? Or does he continue to live in ignorance?
His eyes meet Scarlett's in the portrait and she looks down at him. There's a daring glint in her eyes, something so completely reminiscent of her true expression she gets when she's breaking the rules for, what she believes is, the better. Is it for the better that Regulus finally allows himself to divulge the truth? He isn't even sure he definitely knows what that is, but he thinks he would like to find out. Scarlett would urge him to and she's almost always right. So, maybe he should.
Sunday - 5th January, 1975
Regulus takes his friends with him to sit with Rabastan, Travers and Dolohov on the train. Pandora looks vaguely uncomfortable being in the company of the older Slytherins, but Regulus can't really blame her - they do look a bit like thugs. Evan sits between Travers and Dolohov, who have been rather fond of him ever since he stuck up for Holly against the Carrows back in September. Dorcas sits between Regulus and Pandora, she doesn't seem to mind the others as she starts telling them all about her Christmas. Scarlett is beside Dolohov and grimaces every time his arm moves in her direction; she does not look very pleased to be here.
Barty doesn't sit with them - Regulus barely heard from him all Christmas. He is relieved to know that this has nothing to do with his father this year, but is actually because of the fight he and Evan shared just before the holidays.
When they get halfway to Hogwarts and Regulus still hasn't seen Barty, he decides to go looking for him. He's hoping Barty isn't sitting with the Gryffindors, because he would not like a repeat of last year when he had to go into their carriage to retrieve Alice. Luckily for him, he finds Barty free from any Gryffindors, however this means he also finds him alone. Regulus frowns when he notices the pained expression on Barty's face. Where's Mary?
"Barty?" Regulus introduces himself as he enters the compartment. Barty looks stupefied to see him.
"Regulus, what are you doing here?"
"I was looking for you, actually," Regulus explains as he takes the seat opposite Barty. "Why are you sitting by yourself?"
"Well, I'm not really welcome anywhere else, so," he pointedly looks out the window, a dismissal if Regulus has ever seen one before. He ignores it.
"You know you're welcome to sit with us because we're your friends," Regulus says sternly, he's had enough of this Evan and Barty mess. "Evan shouldn't have acted the way he did, but I'm sure he's ready to apologise to you. He's been having a rough time recently, okay? He shouldn't have taken it out on you, but he did and he can't change that, but he can make up for it. The only way he can do that is if you stop avoiding him. Now, what happened with Mary?"
"What do you mean what happened with Mary?" Barty blinks, his eyes returning to Regulus.
"Obviously you've had a fight, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting on your own, would you?"
Barty sighs and reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I pissed her off."
"How did you do that?"
"By complaining about Evan, okay?" Barty snaps. "I won't be surprised if she breaks up with me before Valentine's Day. We fought a lot over Christmas. I may or may not have also... uh, insulted her little sister."
"Merlin, Barty," Regulus sighs in exasperation. "How did you manage that?"
"I couldn't help it! Her sister talks far too much for her own good and it's impossible to get her to shut up." Barty sags dangerously in his chair.
Regulus doesn't point out how hypocritical Barty is for saying that. Has he ever heard himself during one of his own tangents? Apparently not. Barty would talk for days without even stopping for breath if everyone let him.
"I don't really know what to say about Mary, considering the fact that I don't know her," Regulus says, sliding forward on his seat. "But I do know that Evan misses you and he's currently making friends with Travers and Dolohov, which is concerning. So, please, come back. If it means anything to you, I want you there."
Barty's eyes snap back up to his, amusement glitters in the brown-green of his irises. "Aw, Reggie, do you miss me?"
"I'm leaving," Regulus stands and walks over to the door. He stops just before he leaves and raises an eyebrow. "Are you coming?"
"Fine," Barty huffs and gets up from his seat. "But only because you miss me so much and I don't want to break your little heart."
"I'll break you in a minute," Regulus threatens, but it doesn't have the desired effect. Barty just cackles out a laugh and follows him into the aisle of the train.
When they return to the carriage with their friends inside, Dorcas is the first to jump up and hug Barty. She squeezes him tightly and then complains about how he shouldn't be spending so much time with his girlfriend after barely responding to her letters all Christmas. Regulus hadn't been aware that Barty was also avoiding talking to the rest of them, he'd thought it was just him and Evan he was avoiding. Pandora is next, she pulls him into a fierce hug and then kisses his cheek gently before pulling him down to the seat beside hers.
Regulus watches as Evan's words stop where he was mid-conversation with Dolohov about something. His eyes snag on Barty and his smile falters when Barty looks back. Dolohov doesn't seem to notice this, too busy carrying on with what he was saying, Scarlett is still glaring at him from her seat. Pandora and Dorcas are now talking over each other, but Barty isn't listening to either of them. His lips tilt upwards ever so slightly into the faintest smile Regulus has ever seen on the boy's face. Usually, Barty is so bold with his emotions, but when it comes to Evan, there's always been a bit of trepidation in his demeanour and in how he presents his feelings, like he knows he has to be careful.
Relief gleams in Evan's eyes and he smiles back. Regulus, who is just glad all of that is over for now, leans back in his seat and listens as Rabastan starts to tell him about the family dinner he had the night before that involved Bellatrix throwing her wine glass across the room.
After dinner, they go back to their dormitories for the first time since their arrival. The girls don't join them tonight, instead opting to head straight up to bed, exhausted from the taxing train journey. A part of Regulus is anticipating a fight to break out between Evan and Barty, but instead of that, something more jolting happens. As soon as Regulus has shut the door behind him, Evan steps forward and grabs Barty without a minute of hesitation. He wraps his arms around Barty's smaller frame and pulls him into his chest. Barty looks just as dumbfounded by this as Regulus feels, but once he's regathered himself, he reaches up to hug Evan back.
"I'm so sorry I said all of that," Evan mumbles against Barty's shoulder. "I didn't mean any of it. I'm sorry if I ruined your Christmas and I'm sorry that I'm a shit friend."
Regulus isn't sure if he should attempt to pass them and give them a minute alone, or if that will remind them both that he's here, too, and ruin their reunion. He stands still and stares at the ground, trying to give them some sort of privacy.
"You didn't ruin my Christmas," is what Barty says in return. "And you're not a shit friend, not completely anyway." Evan laughs wetly as Barty chuckles. "You were being pretty shit, but I accept your apology."
Evan pulls back from him, leaving his hands on Barty's shoulders. "Really?"
"Of course, you fool," Barty sniggers. He turns his head and catches Regulus' eye. "Want a hug, too, Reggie?"
"Absolutely not," Regulus sniffs. "And don't call me that."
"Whatever you say, Reggie," Evan responds with a casual shrug.
"Yeah, anything you want, Reggie," Barty snorts.
"I miss when you two were fighting," Regulus states monotonously as he makes his way around them and over to his bed. He smiles, however, at the sound of his two best friends snickering behind him, glad they are back to normal again.
That evening, Regulus is interrupted on his way through the castle to the Astronomy tower. At first, he thinks it's Filch, but when he feels his arm being gently dragged by an invisible force, he realises who it really is. He's led into an alcove and then James appears in front of him, his invisibility cloak in his hands.
"You were so eager to see me that you couldn't wait another five minutes?" Regulus tilts his head to the side and raises his eyebrows.
Blushing, James scratches the back of his neck. "Maybe. I don't know, I just wanted to see you right now."
Regulus feels as his own cheeks flood with colour. James is looking down at him with an expression so warm, it could rival the sun. His eyes glow golden under the moonlight breaking through one of the castle windows. He's less than a step away because this alcove isn't very spacious, so Regulus can feel his breath on his face. James reaches his hand out as if to touch him, but at the last minute he moves his hand so that his finger tips are pressing against the wall beside Regulus' arm instead, encasing him in the small space.
"Christmas was good for you then?" Regulus manages to croak out. There isn't very much air in this small space, so he's finding it hard to breathe.
"Mostly," James responds.
"Mostly?"
"Mostly. How about yours?"
"Um," Regulus swallows. His mind is strangely blank. What did he do on Christmas again? "Christmas was... I think it went well."
"You think?" James breathes out a laugh.
"Yes, I'm having trouble remembering," Regulus frowns. Is he ill? What on Merlin's green earth is going on with him?
"Why is that?" James asks.
"I have no idea," Regulus almost whines, frustrated by his own confusion. "Why was your Christmas only mostly good?"
"I don't really want to talk about the bad parts, not tonight," James whispers, so Regulus nods. "I did, however, go into a forest over the break. So, I'm pretty sure I'm no longer afraid of them."
"That's great, James," Regulus grins up at the boy because, really, that's amazing. James has been petrified of forests for five years and understandably, too. He looks very proud of himself and Regulus can't even bring himself to roll his eyes at the boy. He's proud of him, too.
"Okay, I know I'm going to sound clingy, but can I hug you? I feel like we could both do with one."
Regulus answers James' request by leaning forward and placing himself in James' arms. His head is squashed up against James' chest, so he can feel it as his heart starts thrumming uncontrollably. James wraps his arms around Regulus' shoulders, bringing one of his hands up into his hair. Regulus melts at the touch, his eyes sinking closed against his will.
He feels as James buries his face in Regulus' hair and - he almost misses it - presses the gentlest kiss on top of his head. Regulus' sternum throbs so suddenly, he has to grip onto James' shirt just to handle it. He wants James to do that again because he's the first person who has ever done that to Regulus and he liked it.
Unfortunately, it doesn't happen again, and instead James pulls away from him. Regulus hides the pout that almost bursts free on his face. They leave the alcove not long after their impromptu hug and journey the rest of the way up to the tower. The entire time, Regulus' skin is prickled with goose bumps and his stomach is in knots over that kiss.
Friday - 10th January, 1975
After their final lesson on Friday, Pandora and Regulus decide to pay Hagrid a visit because they haven't had a chance to all week since they got back. He always greets them with a cheerful smile and so that is what Regulus is expecting when the door to Hagrid's hut opens. However, rather than their usual jolly friend, they are faced with Hagrid's tearful face.
It doesn't take them very long to get out of Hagrid what he's upset about, although the empty hut behind him sort of gives it away. His dog Floofy passed away over the holidays and he's been crying about it ever since. Pandora offers to make him some tea and Hagrid thanks her before dropping down onto his armchair and letting out a heart-breaking sob.
Regulus, not really knowing what else to do, sits on the arm of the chair and gently pats Hagrid's arm. Hagrid, who doesn't know about Regulus' regular aversion to touch, takes this as an invitation to grab Regulus and squeeze him into a hug. Regulus wheezes out a strangled breath and subtly calls out for Pandora. The moment she sees the position he's gotten himself stuck into, her eyes widen and she hurries over to give Hagrid his massive mug of tea.
"There we go," she says softly as she slowly extracts Regulus from their giant friend's arms. "Oh, Hagrid, I'm so sorry you've lost your little friend. Is there anything Regulus and I can do to make you feel better?"
"I- I didn't get to 'ave a funeral for 'im," Hagrid howls. "Do you think we could have one for 'im now?" He directs his large, watery eyes down at the two of them, who glance at each other before nodding.
"Of course we can do that, Hagrid," Pandora replies with a kind smile. "How about you finish up your tea and then you can show us where he's buried?"
"Okay," Hagrid agrees, sniffling.
Ten minutes later, Regulus is standing behind Hagrid's hut, staring down at a lump of freshly dug soil and listening to Pandora sing about lost friends. Hagrid sobs the whole time and Pandora keeps a hold of his hand. Regulus is forced to say a speech when Hagrid glances at him with a hopeful gaze. It's short and not very good, but he tries his best. Floofy was a very nice dog after all, even if he did drool all over Regulus' uniform from time to time.
Once the dog funeral is over, Pandora suggests that Hagrid should go and have a lie down to get rid of the headache he has accumulated from crying for so long. Regulus is thankful to leave - he isn't very good with death and grieving. He and Pandora make it back to the Great Hall in time for dinner and share the strange experience they just had with their friends. Evan looks like he is about to laugh at Regulus' uncomfortable expression, until he realises that Barty's eyes are tearing up.
"I loved that dog!" He cries before dropping his forehead onto Scarlett's shoulder. She looks just as disturbed by this as Regulus was by the hug Hagrid gave him, but she doesn't shrug him away, so that counts for something. Dorcas rubs Barty's back consolingly as he sobs over a dog that wasn't even his.
"Oh, I know what will cheer him up," Evan grins and then turns to face Barty. "Hey, Barty, stop crying. Remember what we're doing tonight?"
Barty sniffles and pulls away from Scarlett, who checks her shoulder for any snot or tears. She grimaces at the wet spot on her shirt before vanishing it away with her wand. "No, what are we doing tonight?" Barty frowns.
"Getting revenge," Evan announces.
Regulus had informed James the night before that he wouldn't be going to the tower because he had to catch up on his sleep - which is probably the biggest lie he's ever told because he is never going to catch up on his sleep. It's an impossible task at this point. So, he's relying on James to not leave his dormitory tonight, because if he does it will ruin the prank Regulus, Evan and Barty have been planning since November.
They had to make sure their prank would be clever enough, whilst also managing to be better than the last prank the Gryffindors pulled. Regulus remembers the last day of term before the Christmas holidays and how they Gryffindor boys had turned every single set of stairs in the castle into slides. That was fine for the rest of the school, who happily glided down the slides to get to the train. However, for the Slytherins and the Hufflepuffs, it was a gruelling morning full of climbing and slipping and tumbling.
Barty and Evan have a nap before they actually head off to start the prank. Their plan is to go up to Gryffindor tower at three in the morning, when they are sure no other students will be up. Regulus already knows he won't be able to sleep before then, so he stays up and spends the next three to four hours finishing all of the homework he's already been set this week. When he gets really bored, he practices the summoning charm they have been learning in Charms over the last week. He does this in the bathroom, so as to not disturb the two sleeping boys in the room. It doesn't take him very long to get the hang of it. Soon enough he's summoning toothbrushes, a roll of toilet paper (and he even manages to do it without the roll unravelling), and even Barty's rubber duck with the sailor hat on it.
When quarter to three rolls around, Regulus wakes up his dormmates, who both grumble at the interruption to their sleep. It takes them twenty minutes to actually get up to the Gryffindor common room, and then no time at all to get past the portrait because Barty knows the password thanks to Mary.
They get to work on the prank as soon as they have located the fourth year Gryffindor boys' dormitory. It was Regulus who had come up with the original plan of making it so that their dormitory door would move out of reach and teleport to another part of their room every time one of the boys inside try to open it. Evan had added that they should also combine a locking charm with a permanent sticking charm to make sure the door remained locked until they wanted it to, just in case one of the Gryffindors do manage to reach the handle. Barty was the one who decided they should also trap dung bombs in the dormitory with them to go off at seven o'clock tomorrow morning, when each of them should be awake.
It takes almost an hour to get the spells on the door right, as well as to hide the dung bombs Barty brought with him around the room so that none of the boys will be able to spot them before they go off.
Regulus is exhausted by the time they are done and is ready to go back to bed, but as he goes to leave, Barty calls them back.
"I'm going to leave a note, so that Alice knows not to panic after last time. What should I put at the end? From or Love ?"
"Either, Barty, just hurry because we need to go," Regulus whispers sharply.
"Okay, fine, I'll put Love from."
Sunday - 12th January, 1975
James didn't show up to the tower the night before and he was absent all of Saturday, due to their prank being successful. Regulus sits on his stool in Slughorn's classroom, waiting for James to come through the door. He wonders if he will show up to Potions club at all, or if he'll decide to skip it. Regulus imagines he must smell absolutely awful - they had hidden six dung bombs in his room, after all.
They haven't yet heard from the Gryffindor boys, and they have been waiting for their retaliation. Regulus knows there will be one coming, whether it's today, next week, or a couple of months away. Tonks is far too irascible to just let it slide, especially this prank. The thing about dung bombs is, even weeks after they've gone off, everything that had been around them during the moment of explosion still reeks of dung for weeks afterwards, which means Tonks' hair probably smells terrible.
Regulus is having a fantastic day.
Just as Slughorn goes to close the door, James rushes through it, sending a quick apology the professor's way. Slughorn doesn't jump back in disgust, nor does he hurry to cover his nose. He beams down at James and they share a quick, whispered conversation that has Slughorn holding onto his round stomach as he laughs at something James has said. Regulus watches in confusion at the exchange. How can Slughorn possibly stand James' stench?
A better question: How will Regulus survive it for the next couple of hours?
James saunters over to their shared table and drops down into his seat casually. Regulus takes in a cautious breath and smells... James. Just James and his normal, James-like smell - top tier broomstick polish, something citrusy like spiced orange, and the scent of ink on parchment. There is absolutely no sign of any dung bombs.
Regulus frowns. What?
"Hello, Regulus," James' voice breaks through Regulus' befuddled haze. "What are you so disappointed about? You look like your cat just died."
He blinks. "I don't have a cat," is what falls out of his mouth. Shaking his head, he regathers his thoughts and then squints sceptically at James. "How are your friends?"
"Since when did you care about my friends?" James retorts, grinning knowingly. And oh he thinks he's so smart, but Regulus knows what he's doing.
"Why don't you stink, Potter?" Regulus is dangerously close to whining. He hadn't particularly been looking forward to James stinking up the Astronomy tower, but he had been wanting to get one up on him. It has been so long since Regulus did anything to shock the socks off of him. (He doesn't mean that literally, though now he is wondering if he could actually figure out a way to do that. He makes a mental note to include sock-dislodging shock to their next prank.)
"I went to the tower on Saturday night and spent the night stargazing," James explains and, right, yes, that makes sense. But also-
"I wasn't there," Regulus says.
"I didn't realise I wasn't allowed to go without you, but now that I do it will never happen again," James promises, still grinning down at Regulus in that endearing way of his that has Regulus feeling frustrated.
"You are allowed," Regulus frowns. "I just didn't think you'd be okay with going by yourself. You know, in the dark."
"Oh," James' expression drops ever so slightly. "Well, I suppose I just wanted to see if I could do it, because I braved the forest. Turns out I could, still afraid of the dark though. When I did finally get the courage to leave the tower by myself, it was way past four in the morning and I couldn't seem to get back into my dormitory." He makes a hmm sound and taps his chin with his index finger. "Quite the mystery, wouldn't you say? Oh! And the perpetrators left a note, so I understood I wouldn't be able to actually get back into my own bedroom until later that evening. So, I slept on the couch in the common room."
Regulus stares up at him, feeling both shocked and slightly amused. There's a bit of guilt there, too, because James had to sleep on a couch. Though, that is better than smelling of crap for the next couple of weeks.
"So, to answer your question," James carries on, a smug expression now lighting up his face. "My friends aren't doing too great. They smell so bad that I can't go within three metres of them without gagging. We've all been evacuated from our dormitory because McGonagall needs to let it air out for the next couple of weeks. Sirius doesn't mind that part too much because we're bunking with the fifth year boys, so he gets to share a room with Jess. Still, I'm sure they would prefer their own space."
Regulus bites his lips into his mouth, trying his very best not to burst out laughing. The prank worked and it worked well.
"Oh, and just to let you know, a warning if you will, Sirius is on a murderous rampage and he's out for your blood," James adds in a cheerful tone. "Good luck with that one, little Seeker."
"You won't even try to stop him, will you?"
"Nope," James shakes his head. "Actually, I'd quite like to help. You see, I didn't tell my friends what you were doing. Of course, I didn't know exactly what it was you were doing, but I could guess it had something to do with us considering the fact that you didn't come to the tower and your excuse was terrible."
"For all you know, I could have been catching up on sleep," he retorts, crossing his arms grumpily.
"Doubtful, darling. You wouldn't know what sleep was if it was riding a broomstick and crashed right into you. We have that in common, remember?"
Regulus rolls his eyes and ignores the way his stomach jolts at the term of endearment. People don't really use those for him, Narcissa has in the past, Pandora only when something terrible has happened, but it's different when it's coming from James.
"Right, well, at least humour me. Did Tonks cry about his hair?" Regulus glances up at James with hopeful eyes.
"I would never tell you such a thing," James announces before miming zipping his lips. Regulus slouches in his seat. Sighing, James whispers, "There might have been some tears, but I won't say from who."
When Regulus finds himself grinning to the point where he's almost squirming in his seat, he turns his head away from James. When he looks up, he catches the eyes of Astro Sayre, who is sitting on the table behind Pandora and Evans, one of the other Ravenclaw boys sits next to him. Astro is watching him inquisitively, though the moment he realises he's been caught, his eyes jump to the front of the classroom and a blush blooms across his pale complexion.
Weird, Regulus thinks to himself as he turns his head away.
He and James end up experimenting with pumpkin seeds and the saliva of a vampire for the next two hours. They discover that the odd mixture works very well at maintaining one's healthy skin. However, as it clears up your dry skin, it simultaneously reduces the white blood cells in that patch of your skin, so it turns out to be useless. Regulus assumes it would work very well on vampires themselves, or maybe on a plant. He knows Sprout has a cactus with an acne problem at the moment, maybe he could suggest the solution to her.
Throughout those two hours, he keeps checking over his shoulder, and each time he does he finds Astro still looking at him in that weird, probing way of his. Regulus has no idea what the boy's problem is. Maybe James was wrong and he doesn't like chocolate after all. Whatever his problem is, it frustrates Regulus, who doesn't like to be watched. He's always doing things he shouldn't, things his mother would punish him for, he'd rather not get caught.
When he leaves Potions Club and heads off towards the Slytherin common room, he loses the annoying Ravenclaw and wonders if perhaps he had just been imagining it all. Maybe they just accidentally kept catching each other's eyes? Maybe Astro is thinking the very same thing about Regulus right now - what the fuck is he looking at ?
He finds Barty sitting on one of the couches, a book in his hands, which is a very odd image. Barty doesn't usually read, he says it involves far too much of his attention for too long of a time. However, he looks very interested in this book in particular. Regulus squints his eyes and catches the title: Defensive Strategies and How To Teach Them.
"Barty, why are you reading a book meant for professors?" Regulus asks. He only grows more confused when Barty jumps and hurries to tuck the book behind his back as if Regulus didn't literally just ask him about it.
"I'm not reading anything. What do you mean?" Barty pretends to flick some invisible dust from his sleeve, not meeting Regulus' eyes.
"See, I would understand this peculiar reaction if you were reading something embarrassing, but you were literally reading a book meant for people who willingly spend their days surrounded by grouchy, hormonal teenagers. So, just tell me, why were you reading the book?"
Barty releases a drawn-out, frustrated sigh before plucking the book from behind his back and passing it to Regulus. There's a funny-looking Wizard drawn on the front of it, his pointy hat covered in orange and purple swirls, and his beard long enough to rival Dumbledore's. Regulus raises an eyebrow and look back up at Barty, who is biting his thumbnail anxiously.
"I'm still confused," Regulus admits.
"It's a book for professors, like you said," Barty explains in a tone that implies the reason he would be reading this - he who is not a professor - is obvious. "Don't make me say it, Regulus."
"Say what?" Regulus asks, a bit frantically. He is so lost.
"I want to be a professor when, well, you know. After we leave Hogwarts, I don't really want to leave at all," Barty mumbles, back to picking invisible lint off his sleeves.
"And you couldn't tell me that why ?"
"You might make fun of me," Barty shrugs, still not meeting his eyes. "I didn't want you to put me off the idea because I actually really would like to teach someday. Preferably Defence Against the Dark Arts, but everyone knows that position is cursed, so I doubt I'll ever get to do it properly. I'll probably have to move to France or something and teach at Beauxbatons."
"I wouldn't make fun of you," Regulus says. Barty glances up at him and raises an accusatory eyebrow. "Alright, fine. I wouldn't make fun of you for this. I think it's an excellent idea. You would make a great teacher, Barty. You're aggravatingly clever."
"Really? Maybe I should move to France then. Want to come with me? You speak French, right?" Barty perks up hopefully. "Perhaps you should start teaching me now."
"Let's call that Plan B," Regulus agrees with a nod, smiling at his friend. "If all doesn't work out as it should, we can run away to France together."
"Don't let Mary hear you say that," Barty gasps dramatically. He starts to fan himself. "She'll think I'm cheating on her. Oh, the horror."
Regulus rolls his eyes but feels as blood rushes to his cheeks. When Barty notices, he just smirks and winks at him. Regulus throws the book at him and it lands with a thump on Barty's stomach, who lets out a choked noise. Regulus gets up to leave, Barty's cackle echoing from behind him.
Thursday - 16th January, 1974
Regulus knows what today is, he knows it's important to James. Whether James will be in tears or not, he doesn't know. Whether James will even show up to the tower or not, he also doesn't know.
It's been five years today since Harry Wilkins died.
It's a bit risky, but instead of waiting at the tower for James, he stands outside the Gryffindor common room, praying that no other Gryffindors will leave and find him waiting there. James hadn't told him he wouldn't be coming to the tower tonight, so he assumes he is. It's almost one in the morning now, around the time they usually meet.
When the portrait to Gryffindor Tower swings open, Regulus holds his breath anxiously. He releases it when James comes sauntering out, almost missing Regulus entirely in his haste to get to the Astronomy tower.
"Oh! Hello, what are you doing here?" James asks, his grin not quite as bright as it usually is.
"I just thought-"
"What are you two doing?" They both turn and find the Pink Lady glaring at them both, her eyes full of nothing but suspicion. "You shouldn't be out this late. That one is a Slytherin, he shouldn't even be near-"
"You never usually mind when I leave," James frowns, his eyes widening sadly. The Pink Lady falters and doesn't seem to know what to say. James looks heartbroken. "Is it because he's a Slytherin? He's my friend and won't do any harm. You don't mind, do you?"
"The last time he was in here, he and his friends caused quite a lot of mischief," she remarks, eyes sharpening when she turns them on Regulus.
"Well, we're going this way tonight and I promise I won't bring him back," James says in a soft voice, sounding almost manipulative. Regulus is oddly proud.
"Oh... fine," the Pink Lady's eyes tenderise as they land on James. "Just don't get caught by that Filch man, otherwise I'll never hear the end of it. Always blaming it on me, he is. It's not my fault I got stuck with the most rebellious house of the four. People always say it's the Slytherins, but I would know the truth of it-"
"We should probably go now," James whispers, suddenly very close to Regulus. When he turns, he realises James must have put his cloak on because he's vanished. "She'll be going on for hours if we don't." He lifts his cloak and allows Regulus to shuffle in before he drops it again. James does what he did last time they were under his cloak and rests his hands lightly over Regulus' hips, hardly touching him, enough for him to be comfortable with, but also not even almost an adequate amount of contact.
"Instead of the tower," Regulus starts, stopping James in his steps. "I actually thought we could go somewhere else tonight."
"Lead the way, little Seeker," James tells him, giving Regulus all control of where they go. He doesn't even ask once during their walk out to the grounds where Regulus' intended destination is, apparently trusting him enough to just follow along.
Regulus pauses at the lake. He remembers what James told him only a couple of nights ago during one of their Hogsmeade escapades. He explained to him that he found out more about what happened to Harry and Regulus had expressed how proud he was of him for finding the strength inside of him to actually ask his father about what truly happened on that dreadful night five years ago.
He recalls how James had told him that Harry drowned. It had given him an idea, something he hopes will serve as a gentle memory for Harry, rather than James always looking at a body of water and panicking just like he spent the last five years doing whenever he was in the vicinity of a forest.
They shed the cloak, James folds it up and leaves it on the roots of the oak tree just to the right of them. Regulus looks out over the water and watches the way it remains still, the moon, a waxing crescent, reflecting against the dark canvas of the lake. The little, dotted stars look like flecks from a paintbrush, glowing calmly.
"So, what are we doing out here?" James asks, coming up to Regulus' side. He shivers slightly. "Hopefully, casting a warming charm."
Regulus laughs and does cast a warming charm, James thanks him. He looks back out at the lake and then at the boy standing beside him, just waiting for Regulus to speak. He remembers how they were out here only a month before and the lake had been completely frozen over. It was beautiful then and it's beautiful now.
"Find a flower," Regulus instructs and, together, they go off in search of one. It's only January, so Regulus is half expecting to not find one. Maybe he'll have to conjure or transfigure one instead. However, as luck would have it, they find a daisy, the first of the season by the looks of it. The flower is quite small and a bit dishevelled-looking, but Regulus fixes it with a flick of his wand, making it look as fresh as the day it bloomed. He then whispers, "Engorgio," to make it bigger, the size of his palm.
He looks up at James, who is standing just across from him, his eyes on the daisy, soft and amazed. Regulus tucks his wand away and takes James' hand in his newly empty one. James gazes down at him in surprise and follows as Regulus leads them back over to the lake. He doesn't drop James' hand, not even when they arrive. Instead, he holds out the enlarged daisy and says, "I thought we could pay tribute to Harry by giving something to the water. If you don't want to, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, James, you don't have to-"
"Reg." The use of his nickname, the one only James uses, makes him stop talking. "I want to do it."
"Okay," Regulus whispers, feeling bashful. He lifts their joined hands up and holds James' palm-up before placing the daisy onto it. "You should do the honours."
James stares down at the daisy, there's a melancholic aura surrounding him that Regulus hates. Nothing in this world should hold the power that it takes to put out the sun. It just isn't natural and it should never happen. How dare it, he thinks as James takes in a shaky breath before kneeling in the grass on the edge of the lake. He holds the daisy in both hands and slowly lowers it to the water, watching as it floats, a few of it's outer petals separate from the rest and stick out like fingers reaching for the water.
When James stands, he reaches for Regulus' hand again and Regulus doesn't even mind that he didn't ask because he knows James needs the comfort. Regulus pulls out his wand and points it at the daisy, which is now drifting further out across the lake. He mumbles a spell he learnt specifically for this and watches as a sparkling light bursts from the tip of his wand and soars down to the flower. He blinks and the daisy abruptly explodes with light. The white petals glow angelically, highlighting the veins that linger in each of them. The yellow centre of it glimmers like the sun, looking more alive than it had before they picked it.
Regulus turns his head and finds James silently crying. Tears trickle carefully down his cheeks, not in violent waves as they have in the past, but calmly. Somehow, this is sadder. James doesn't even have to blink for them to fall, they just do, never-ending and beautifully brutal.
Regulus squeezes his hand, a question. For a second, there's nothing, so Regulus returns his gaze to the lake, where the daisy is now very far out. It looks to be chasing the moon's reflection, but it never seems to get close enough. Eventually, James squeezes his hand back, a silent I'm okay.
***
Saturday - 18th January, 1975
Sirius
Sirius could kill Regulus Black. He could also hug him. Thanks to Black, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Frank (not James because the lucky sod hadn't been in the dormitory for some reason) smell like shit and have done for over a week now. The smell is slowly fading, but Sirius is still very aware of it, especially whenever he is around Jess, which is more often as of late since the fourth year Gryffindor boys have taken temporary residence in the fifth year boys' dormitories.
That is why Sirius could hug Black because now Sirius gets to look forward to a kiss good night every evening right before he goes to bed. Jess has said he isn't bothered by the stench, though Sirius isn't sure if he believes him. There have been a few mishaps throughout the last week, which would be expected from a room that should fit just four, but now fits nine. One of Jess' roommates (Gregory something) has made his opinions about Jess and Sirius' public displays of affection very clear, which has led to multiple arguments between him and Jess, a well as him and James, who is apparently very passionate when it comes to defending Sirius. Another thing is that Remus hasn't spoken very much over the last week. He doesn't talk much at meals, but when he does it's to Frank - always whispered conversations that even Alice can't seem to catch, if her disappointed frowns are anything to go by. Whenever they return to the dormitory at the end of the day, Remus doesn't speak at all. He always seems to avoid Jess especially, which only confuses Sirius. He wonders if it has anything to do with the conversation they shared on Christmas Eve. He isn't sure whether he should speak to Remus about it, or perhaps Jess, or if he should leave it alone.
Sirius sits with Jess at breakfast today, he ends up between Jess and one of his friends called Taylor, who reminds him a bit of Pandora Rosier. She's got blonde hair like her, although it's a bit darker, and she speaks in the same gentle voice. Anthony, Leslie and Gracie sit opposite them, all bantering between themselves. Anthony flicks a grape at Jess, but it bounces off Sirius' shoulder instead, so Jess gasps and pulls Sirius into his side before pressing a kiss to his head, telling his brother off for harming his boyfriend. Sirius smiles into Jess' shoulder.
They have plans to go to Hogsmeade together today and Sirius has been weighing out the pros and cons for whether or not he should bring up the strange tension between Jess and Remus. He tries to ignore the irony that the one friend of Sirius' that Jess doesn't get along with is Remus - the boy who Sirius spent most of last year trying to get over. Instead he focuses on the fact that he wants, more than anything, for his boyfriend to get along with his best friend.
When they do finally arrive in Hogsmeade, they go to The Three Broomsticks first and get a round of butterbeers with Anthony and Leslie. They talk for a bit about their shared professors - Leslie also takes Divination and they both agree that their professor is a bit insane. They move onto the topic of the shared dormitory and Sirius announces that Jess laughs in his sleep and Anthony points his finger at Sirius and yells, "See!"
Jess sinks in his chair and covers his red face with his hands, mumbling something none of them can hear. Sirius falls into a fit of laughter and has to hold his stomach when Anthony continues to shout, "I told you! And did you believe me? No, of course you didn't. He does though, doesn't he, Sirius?"
"He does," Sirius confirms breathlessly. Jess reaches out to cover Sirius' mouth with his hand and, like the dog he is, he licks it.
"Stop lying about my sleeping habits, Tonksy. Besides, you're worse. You move constantly in your sleep," Jess retorts, staring down at him with a fondness that has Sirius' heart beating faster.
"And how do you know that, Jess?" Anthony asks, catching their attention. He raises an accusatory eyebrow that Sirius is certain is supposed to be covering up the amusement on his face, but it doesn't work very well.
Somehow, Jess' face turns more red than it was before. Sirius cackles out a laugh.
"I can hear him from across the bloody room," Jess tuts, shaking his head at Sirius. "Bleeding nightmare, you are."
Sirius pretends to pout and mumbles, "Sorry," whilst giving Jess his biggest puppy eyes. It does the trick and Jess leans in to kiss him. Sirius smiles into the kiss, not being able to help it.
After they leave the pub, the two couples go their separate ways. Sirius drags Jess over to the charity shop down the road. A couple of weeks ago, Jess told him that he had never been to one and Sirius was horrified, rightfully so he thinks. He has been going to charity shops ever since he can remember and he absolutely loves them. You can always find the best things there, especially when it comes to clothes. The first leather jacket Sirius ever got was found in a charity shop by his mum, he was five and it was a birthday present.
There's a rusted, old bell that clangs when they step through the door, Jess behind Sirius with his hands on his shoulders. He tells him to lead the way and so Sirius takes them over to the clothes section first. He knows how fond Jess is of low-waisted jeans, so he goes on a search for them immediately. Jess gasps when he notices all the prices are much lower than they would be at any other shop in the village and Sirius smirks. He knew Jess would like it in here.
Whilst Jess is busy looking at the racks of jeans, Sirius goes off in search for some jackets. He is growing out of his leather jacket and would like a new one, preferably one that isn't falling apart. As he browses through a few, he notices a flash of white hair out of the corner of his eye. Thinking it will be Xeno, he turns to say hello, but it isn't Xeno, it's Astro. He's looking at a shelf lined with books, each with abused spines that are falling all over each other on the shelf.
Sirius hasn't actually spoken to him since they got back, which he feels suddenly guilty about. He walks over to him now with the intention of doing so. Astro doesn't even look at him before he's saying, "Hello, Sirius."
"Hi, Ast," Sirius greets him, attempting a smile. "How are things?"
"They're alright," Astro shrugs, always a boy of few words.
"And at home? Is everything alright?" Sirius waits for a reply, but when he doesn't get one, he steps closer and asks, "Are you okay?"
Astro looks at him, his pale, silver eyes look dull in the crappy shop lighting. "I'm sorry, Sirius, but I don't really want to talk about it. Things at home... they are very confusing at the moment. I haven't spoken to anyone about it."
"Not even Xeno?"
Astro scowls and it's an expression Sirius has never seen on the boy's face. It reminds him so abruptly of Regulus Black that it makes him question how he couldn't have seen their similarities before. Sirius feels something twinge in his heart over the thought that Astro is scowling over Xeno. Are they not friends anymore? Is it because Xeno kept the identity of Astro's father a secret for all these years? Xeno has known things about Sirius before that are crazy and Sirius has never held that against him because he knows Xeno isn't holding the information from him maliciously, he's doing it because he has to.
"It isn't his fault, you know," Sirius says softly. When Astro averts his eyes, Sirius moves his head in front of his, meeting his eyes again. He wants Astro to look at him when he says what he's about to say. "Xeno knows things about me, too. Things I had no idea about and I- at first, I was a little bit mad that he never told me, but then I remembered that he wasn't holding that information against me virulently. He was doing it because he didn't have a choice. You know that about him, Astro, it wouldn't be fair for you to hate him for something he has no control over."
"Who else could have possibly been hurt if he told me this a little earlier?" Astro snaps, evidently still upset about it all.
Sirius sighs. "My mum, she knows him- your dad, I mean. She told me some things and I think if you found out about him any earlier, under different circumstances, a lot more hurt could have occurred. I promised my mum I wouldn't tell anyone because it isn't my secret to share, it's hers, but he- he did something to help my family when I was a baby, and it put him in danger."
"What did he do?" Astro asks, his curiosity breaking through his displeasure.
"I'm really sorry, but I can't tell you," Sirius gives him his most apologetic grimace. "I would if I hadn't already promised I wouldn't."
"Did Xeno know about this, too? The thing Alphard helped your mum out with."
"He did," Sirius nods. "It has to do with me, mostly, so I'm really sorry. In a way, it's my fault he had to leave-"
"No, Sirius," Astro shakes his head. "Alphard already told me that he didn't know I existed before he left. Still, he left my mum and she was heartbroken. He could have stayed, he could have run away with her, but he didn't. He left and it's his fault, not yours, not anyone else's. I don't blame you at all."
Sirius hadn't realised how guilty he was feeling over that titbit of information, over his role in Astro's loss of his father. But now that he's been forgiven, or that his fault has been refuted, he feels a knot in his chest untie itself, making him feel lighter.
"Still," Sirius shrugs, "I'm sorry. I understand why you wouldn't want to, but I think you should speak with Xeno. After all, you did just say you didn't blame anyone else but your- but Alphard. Is Xeno included in that?"
Astro falters, clearly not knowing what to say. His jaw clenches and his expression closes up like a flower would in the winter time. Jess appears beside Sirius at that moment, grinning and his arms full of jeans and shirts, as well as a pair of shoes he apparently found.
"Tonksy, I've been looking everywhere for you," he announces before throwing something into Sirius' arms. "I found you a jacket, you said you needed a new one?"
"Oh, right," Sirius stammers, realising that's what he had been doing before he came over to talk to Astro. Sirius turns to look at the boy, who is no longer standing beside him, he's gone. Sirius covers up his frown and smiles in appreciation at Jess. "Thank you, beau."
"Oh, yes, speak French to me," Jess jokes, but Sirius can see the true delight in his eyes.
"D'accord, joli garçon, je le ferai," he smirks and watches as Jess' mouth drops open slightly. "Come on, let's get you to a changing room. At this rate, we'll be in here until nightfall with all the clothes you've got."
They go back to The Three Broomsticks once they've been to a few more shops. Sirius spots Remus sitting with James at a table and decides this would be the perfect moment to test whether he's been imagining the tension between Jess and Remus or not. So, he guides Jess over to the table where his friends are sitting and sits down in the seat next to James, leaving Jess the empty seat beside Remus. Sirius watches as Remus' eye twitches slightly the moment Jess sits down, and Jess just looks stiff in his chair.
So, he hadn't been imagining it.
"I'm actually going to go get a drink. Sirius, do you want one? Yeah. Anyone else? Okay," Jess rambles, standing from his seat before pacing over to the bar at the front of the pub. Sirius turns to look at Remus and raises his eyebrows.
"What?" Remus squeaks.
"Why do you and Jess hate each other?" Sirius crosses his arms, hoping he looks intimidating.
"You hate Jess?" James asks Remus.
"I do not hate Jess," Remus hurries to explain. "It's just a bit awkward around him now because I embarrassed myself when I was drunk."
"How did you embarrass yourself?"
"Said some things," Remus mutters, looking down at the table.
"What things?" Sirius questions through clenched teeth.
"It doesn't matter anymore, okay? Because Jess put me in my place and I don't believe what I said anymore," Remus half-shouts. "I like him, he's nice. I just want it to be forgotten."
"Well, then you should tell him that." Sirius' expression softens and he uncrosses his arms. "You're right, he is nice. You forget I know you too, and you can be nice, Remus. So, play nice or..."
"Or?" Remus prompts, smirking slightly.
"Or I'll be having words with you," Sirius threatens and Remus bursts out laughing at the same time James does. "What?"
"Nothing, nothing," Remus clears his throat, trying to school his smile into a scolded frown. "Sorry. Yes, I'll play nice."
"Good. Now, before Jess gets back," Sirius swivels in his seat to see that Jess is still waiting in the queue. He's talking to a group of students in front of him, looking much more comfortable there than he had done when sitting at the table beside Remus. Sirius turns back to Remus. "There's one more thing I need to talk to you about. What happened over Christmas? You've been looking all miserable since we came back."
Remus' fake frown turns into a real one and his eyes become guarded. He looks at his empty cup in front of him, then at the table, then the window, and finally back to James and Sirius.
"Marie and I broke up," Remus discloses in a small voice. Sirius doesn't miss the way Remus' lips turn down sadly at the proclamation. Sirius' chest crumbles at that expression, Remus should never look that way, should never be so sad. It just isn't right. At the same time, something in his chest begins to build up again, something he's hardly thought about since last September when he started to see Jess. There's a voice in his head that sings because Remus is single again, but Sirius reminds himself that he is not, and he doesn't want to be either. He likes Jess a lot, so much, and it's real. It was never real with Remus, at least, not for everyone.
"Shit, are you okay?" James reaches across the table to lay his hand over Remus' in a friendly gesture. Remus' brown eyes look up to meet James' and they melt slightly, that comfort Remus has always felt around James, something a bit different to what he has with Sirius, Peter and Lily, comes streaming in at full force. "Of course, you're not okay. Silly question, sorry. How are you?"
"I'll be fine," Remus shrugs. "We were sort of doomed before we even began. A lot of things were working against us and we never would have worked. Well, no actually, I think we could have, were the circumstances different. Never mind, it's over now, and I think it's for the best. There are many reasons why we ended it." His eyes jump over to Sirius briefly and then back to James.
"Anything we can help you with?" James offers, giving Remus a gentle smile.
"Not really. Well, actually, distractions would be great," he chuckles quietly. "Something to get my mind off her. We're still friends, but I don't want to keep reminding myself that we used to be more."
"We can do that," Sirius promises, leaning forward to lay his hand on top of James and Remus'. It reminds him of when them and Pete used to do this back in second year and call themselves the four musketeers. Fondness curls it's way through his heart and he smiles up at his friends.
That evening, Remus goes to bed early, feeling exhausted due to the impending full moon. They had all been hanging out in the common room, the boys and the girls, and so when Remus announces his exit and retires up the stairs, Sirius meets Lily's eye and then James' and Peter's. They all share a quiet understanding and individually make excuses to leave. Lily is first, saying how she left her homework in the library. Mary offers to go with her, but then James steps in and says he actually forgot his quill, too, so they go together.
"Think they're going off to suck face somewhere?" Marlene snorts.
"Lily doesn't like James anymore," Alice reminds her.
"Yeah and James has only ever liked Lily as a friend," Sirius adds.
"Okay, but that was very suspicious," Marlene adds. "Lily never leaves her homework in the library. Besides, she would have been way more freaked out that Pince chucked it in the bin or something."
"Maybe they have another secret," Mary chimes in. "What if James is giving Lily secret flying lessons? I did catch her making her way down to the Quidditch pitch the other day."
"Wasn't she going to meet with Pandora?" Azalia asks.
"Possibly, or she's getting free flying lessons from James."
"Why would they keep that a secret? That's-"
"I'm starving," Sirius announces, cutting off all conversation about James and Lily. "Pete, will you come to the kitchens with me?"
"Yeah, I fancy some cake right now," Peter says, rubbing his stomach.
"Ooh, can you bring back some cauldron cakes?" Frank asks them.
"Sure," Sirius agrees, walking over to the portrait. The moment he and Peter make it out, they find Lily and James waiting by the wall. They walk down to the fourth floor and make their way through the live maze.
They planned this a couple of weeks ago. Around the time of the full moon, they would sneak away from Remus whilst he was having one of his naps and would come to Godric's room to show each other their Animagus forms. Sirius had suggested they use the duelling stage as an actual stage, just to make the whole thing more theatrical.
"Who wants to go first?" Lily asks the group of boys.
"I'll go," Peter raises his hand. "I want to get this over and done with as soon as possible."
"Pete, any animal would be great. We would love you even if you were a fly, as pesky as they are," Sirius promises and Peter smiles slightly at him but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He climbs onto the stage and scrunches his face up before disappearing. James and Sirius frown before turning to Lily, who is grinning at something on the stage. Sirius looks back and finds a hand-sized, blonde rat.
"Is that you, Pete?" James asks.
The rat squeaks.
"Wait, you're so cute," Sirius coos, reaching forward to gently pat Peter's head with his index finger. Big, blue eyes stare up at him, bright and watery. "Even if you don't love your rat, Pete, I do. He's adorable." Sirius picks him up and lets him sit in his hand. Peter runs up his arm and perches on Sirius' shoulder, his whiskers tickling his cheek and making him giggle.
Rat Peter hops back onto the stage and transforms into a human, fully-clothed.
"I thought I would be something cooler," Peter frowns, disappointed.
"You are cool!" James and Sirius shout at the same time.
"Your tail looks like a worm and you love worms!" Sirius argues. "You're great at Herbology and rats love plants. Plus, I just wanted to pick you up and put you in my pocket, which isn't so different to how I feel when you're in human form."
Peter laughs. "That's just weird, Sirius."
"Fine, whatever," Sirius shrugs, not really caring because he knows he's right. "I think you're cool, Wormtail."
"Wormtail?" Peter questions.
"It just came to me," Sirius grins. "We can call you 'Wormy' for short. It's nice."
"I suppose," Peter responds. Sirius can tell he actually likes it.
"I did lots of research on rats, Peter, and it makes sense that you would be one," Lily proclaims. "They are sociable, which makes sense because look at all the friends you have. They are also naturally curious and intelligent, which also make sense because you're the biggest gossip ever and you're the best at Herbology."
"Really?" Peter beams at her.
"Really," Lily nods eagerly. "Now, who will be next? James, I think I'm more curious about yours. No offence, Sirius, but I'm pretty sure I already know what yours is."
"Um," Sirius places his hands on his hips and exclaims, "Rude! I am not that predictable."
"I'm half convinced you're a cat or a dog because you're always curling up on people's laps."
Sirius just narrows his eyes at her and crosses his arms. "Well, I guess we'll see then."
James jumps up onto the stage and closes his eyes, his glasses wait in Peter's hand, who is watching with impatient interest. One second James is standing in front of them, and the next he's a stag.
"Oh, a stag," Lily laughs. "That's what you meant by similar to a horse."
Stag James makes a huffing noise before shifting back. "I wasn't expecting it either. I honestly thought I would be an ant or something."
"The stag suits you," Lily nods. "They're gentle and intuitive, just like you."
"They're sensitive, too," Peter adds. "We get lots of them in Sheffield and they are very kind creatures. They are always interested in the shiny bird bath we have in the garden, they like shiny things."
"Aren't they also quite dominant though?" James asks, sounding unsure. "I don't feel very authoritative."
"Not always," Lily responds, helping James hop off the edge of the stage. "I think they can be great leaders, but they're also good in a team."
James doesn't appear to know what to say to that, so Sirius jumps in and says he will go next. Lily apparently already knows his because she is just that clever. Sirius feels as his body shifts and changes, fur sprouts all over him, growing like an over-eager garden. It curls just like his hair does and his claws are long just like his real nails. Sirius wonders what would happen if he painted them.
"I knew it!" Lily grins, stepping forward to pat Sirius on the head. "You're-"
"The Grim," Peter jumps in to say. "Don't you remember? You had it in your cup in Divination last year. It makes so much sense now."
"Oh yeah," James nudges Peter with a smile. "I didn't even think of that before."
Before changing back, Sirius leans forward and licks Lily's face, knowing it will piss her off. He laughs as he transforms back, listening to her sounds of disgust. She wipes at her cheek and hisses at him, glaring with her green eyes. She climbs onto the stage, still grumbling under her breath.
Sirius makes his way back down to the floor, standing between Peter and James as his eyes fall on Lily. She takes a deep breath in and then changes as she releases it. Sirius wasn't sure what he had been expecting really. James had been convinced Lily would be a dragon, which made a lot of sense because she's a very protective and powerful person. Sirius had a hunch she might be a bird of some sort, something clever and beautiful, just like Lily.
Lily stands before them, almost double the size Sirius is when he's in his Animagus form. Her fur is golden with a red tinge to it, flecked all over her body. Her ears are rounded sort of like a bear's and she's got a long, furred tail that ends in a red tuft, the same colour as her hair. The most noticeable thing about her though are her eyes. They are still as prominently green as they usually are. They stand out stunningly against her orange-golden fur, glowing almost as they blink down at the boys. When she smiles, her eyes scrunch until they are almost closed, and Sirius notices her whiskers, which must be longer than his fingers.
"You're a..." James mumbles.
"She's beautiful," Sirius gasps, not able to look away. Wow, Lily truly is a Gryffindor. She's literally a lion. Even Peter looks stunned and he's seen her Animagus before.
She turns back and smiles bashfully down at them. "I didn't really understand it at first, but I've done some research on lions and lionesses. They're strong creatures, leaders just like stags. They are protective over what they believe is theirs, like their children, and they are very resilient. Apparently, they are also very selfless and smart. I suppose it makes sense."
"It makes tons of sense," James bursts out. "It also goes with the fact that you're a big cat and Sirius is a dog. You guys fight like cats and dogs sometimes."
"Now, that's true," Peter points out. He and James snicker between themselves. Sirius rolls his eyes at the two of them and looks at Lily.
"You look really amazing, Lily," he says honestly. "You're definitely the most Gryffindor of us, so of course you would be a lion."
"Lioness," Lily corrects, but she's smiling. "Thank you, Sirius."
"No problem, Leo."
"What?"
"The lion constellation," Sirius explains.
"Oh. No, I don't like it. You'll have to be more creative than that," Lily tuts.
"Hunter?"
"That's the male term, Sirius," she sighs, exasperated. She drops back down onto the floor and stands in front of him, giving him a look that reminds him of McGonagall when she isn't very impressed with him.
"Huntress then."
"No."
"Chasseresse?"
"Is that French for Huntress?"
"Maybe," Sirius admits.
Lily raises an eyebrow.
"Fine. Why don't you like Huntress?"
"It's not very creative of you," Lily answers. "Keep going though, I'm sure you'll get there."
Sirius scowls. "Alright, what about Venatrix?"
"Latin," Lily murmurs.
"Yeah. It means Huntress, but Vena also means veins, as in blood, as in heart. You're love incarnate, so I think that it would suit you," Sirius admits shyly, toeing the floor with the edge of his shoe.
"That was oddly sweet of you."
"Also, it means I can call you Trixie for short," Sirius smirks.
"And there it is," Lily murmurs. She looks up at him and laughs. "Fine, I'll take part in your silly, little nicknaming ritual."
"Great," Sirius beams and chucks his arm over her shoulders. He waves his other hand to catch James and Peter's attention. "Guys! Meet Venatrix."
Monday - 27th January, 1975
Sirius has been looking forward to today for almost a month. Maybe that is a bit selfish of him because tonight Remus' body will have to tear itself apart. Tonight is the night they are finally going to tell him what they have spent the last three years doing for him. It's taken them a long time, but they've finally done it. Sirius hopes it actually makes a difference. He would feel terrible if he wasted everyone's time when they could have been doing something else that might actually help Remus.
Today is the first day in a very long time that Sirius finally doesn't smell like dung bombs. So, naturally, it's the first day in a very long time that Violetta is talking to him. He can't blame her for avoiding him before now, to be honest. He did smell quite terrible. She does apologise for averting him, but he tells her that it's fine. At least she wasn't like Marlene, who reminded Sirius that he stunk every single day whenever they were in the same room as each other. And at least she wasn't like Black, who always shuffled his chair away in Defence before throwing Sirius a dirty look, as if it wasn't all his fault anyway.
He's having lunch in the kitchens with Violetta, it's a way for them to catch up properly for the first time since Christmas without any nosy Slytherins around.
"So, I spoke to my parents about my hatred for Amycus," Violetta announces as she sprinkles salt over her chips. "My family have always been a bit more lenient than others, which is probably why we aren't Sacred Twenty-Eight. As soon as I told them about how Amycus has been treating me, my father demanded that we break up the union. I think he's a bit upset that the it didn't work out because he wanted what was best for me, which would have been having a well-known name for myself in Wizarding society, but he understands. I wasn't sure if my parents would, not with this, but they did."
"Violetta, that's brilliant!" Sirius exclaims, beaming across the table at her. "I am so proud of you for approaching them about it. Also, you can always make a name for yourself in another way. I'm sure you'll find out a way to have your voice heard."
"I think I'd like to forget about boys for now," she declares with a resolute nod. "No more marriage, no more crushes, just friends."
"Aww, we're rubbing off on you," Sirius touches his hand to his heart.
Violetta rolls her eyes. "It must be the Slytherin traits in you because I would never be like a Gryffindor."
"Oh, no, never," Sirius shakes his head placatingly. "Disgusting, the lot of them." That manages to pull a laugh out of her.
"Nick wrote to me over Christmas," she says out of nowhere. Sirius has to remind himself that 'Nick' is Mulciber. He tries to stop himself from grimacing as he listens to her. Mulciber seems to be the only Slytherin still on her side, so he can appreciate that about him at the very least. "When he heard Amycus and I were no longer to be married, he wrote and checked up on me. I think he was worried my parents would be angry at me, but I assured him they weren't. I know you don't like him very much, Sirius, but he can be sweet."
"Sweet? I'm sure the moment you told him you were friends with Lily and Mary, he was just jumping around with joy," Sirius intones sarcastically.
"Okay, he might not be perfect, but he's all I've got left of my old friends, alright?" She slams the salt down on the table. "He- I'm sure if I just told him that there isn't a difference- that Lily is my friend, and Mary, he would be nice about it. He wouldn't..." She sighs and covers her face with her hands. "He just wants me to be happy, Sirius. I still care about him, even if he would call Mary and Lily Mudbloods. People can change." Her hands drop and he notices her eyes are shining with tears. She blinks them away. "I did, didn't I? Before I ever spoke to you, I didn't really care when people said things like that to Muggleborns and Half-Bloods. I didn't say the things others were saying, but I didn't stop them either. Now, if I heard anyone saying anything to Lily or Mary, or even Remus, I would tell them to fuck off. If I can change, why can't Nick?"
Sirius deflates in his seat because she's completely and entirely right. People can change. Sirius knows this because before he ever even came to Hogwarts, he had no prejudice against Slytherins at all. His mum was a Slytherin, after all. But throughout the years, he's slowly begun to resent the house, most of them anyway. He's changed. He knows some of it is because of the expected rivalry between Gryffindors and Slytherins, and some of it has been influenced by other Gryffindors' hatred for the house of snakes. It's all about being impressionable, isn't it? Violetta had been vulnerable, needing an out, and Sirius was the only one offering her one, so she accepted it. She accepted him and his friends, she accepted their help and she accepted who they were. She has changed, just like she said.
Mulciber, he's been impressionable his whole life, surrounded by snakes and being influenced by his family and what they stand for. They're Sacred Twenty-Eight, there are expectations for them to follow and images for them to keep up. Is that an excuse? Merlin, no. But is it an explanation? Yes. Violetta grew up in a family who stood neutrally, who weren't outright fascists, but also weren't complete allies. Violetta had remained that way, even around her prejudiced friends, and then she had changed when she saw what it truly meant. Mulciber has been influenced by his parents to hate Muggleborns, then he came to school and his friends felt the same way. He's never known any better, but maybe he could if Violetta showed him the truth. Maybe she could shake some sense into him.
Then again, it's Mulciber, so Sirius doesn't really know what he should expect.
"You're right," he admits, feeling slightly ashamed. He has always been so stubborn with his beliefs that he has never looked at the reasons why people may think differently about things to him. "I'm glad you still have him looking out for you. Hopefully, he can be like you one day."
She smiles gratefully at him and they don't talk any more on the subject.
They are finally allowed back into their dormitory, which Sirius is slightly disappointed about. He was enjoying getting to see Jess before bed every single night. Last night was their first night back and Sirius could tell that Remus missed his own bed. The boy slunk down into it as soon as he could and gathered his blankets around himself, bundling himself up like a crepe.
Today, as soon as their lessons are over, Sirius, Peter and James make their way back to the dormitory immediately. Lily told them that she would be waiting in the common room with Remus for them, since they both had a free period when the other boys had Divination. They are sitting at a table in the darkest corner of the common room when the three of them enter through the portrait. Lily waves them over, whilst Remus remains lying slumped against the table.
"Remus," Sirius calls gently, unable to contain his excitement. They have been waiting years to tell him, years, and finally the moment is here.
"What?"
"We have a surprise for you," James says.
Remus looks up at them and rests his chin on his crossed arms. "Can it wait until tomorrow?"
"No," Peter shakes his head.
"It has to be now," Lily agrees, reaching over to run a hand down Remus' back.
"You're in on this, too?" Remus squints at her.
"Yes and we have been working on this surprise for almost three years now, so come on." She jumps out of her seat and holds a hand out for Remus to take. When he does, she carefully helps him out of his chair and starts dragging him in the direction of the boys' dorms.
"Frank isn't up there, is he?" Sirius asks.
"No, he and Alice are at some chess competition in the Hufflepuff common room," Lily explains over her shoulder.
When they enter the dormitory, Remus goes over to his bed and sits down on it. He faces the rest of the room and waves his hand as if to say go on then.
"Should we do it all at once or separately?" James ponders aloud.
"If we're doing it all at once, we shouldn't do it right next to each other. You'll end up impaling one of us," Lily suggests, pointing at James' head where his antlers would be.
"Alright, everyone take three steps back."
Once they are standing apart, Sirius looks back across the room at Remus, who is staring at them all in confusion. Sirius counts down from three and then they all transform.
"Merlin's bollocks!" Remus yells, jumping back on his bed and practically sitting on top of his headboard. His eyes are wide with a mixture of surprise and fear. His eyes hop between them and he swallows, clearly afraid, when his eyes land on Lily. She is probably the most frightening of them, even if she is smaller than James. She's a lioness, she would eat him if she wasn't an Animagus.
"You- you-" Remus stammers, dropping back onto his bed and landing on his pillow. He runs a hand down the side of his face and then blinks harshly like he thinks he might be hallucinating. "You're all animals?"
Sirius barks.
"Sirius?" Remus glances down at him and Sirius trots over to the side of the bed. "You're a dog," he chuckles. Sirius barks again. Slowly, Remus holds a hand out and Sirius steps into his touch, feeling as Remus runs a hand through his fur, scratching gently behind his ear.
"Why did you all do this?" Remus asks, looking utterly confused by this turn of events.
Lily turns back, followed by James and then Peter. Sirius remains in his Animagus form, jumping up onto Remus' bed and laying in a bundle next to his hip.
"Werewolves don't hurt animals," Lily says and that is all it takes for Remus to understand exactly why they did this. Why they spent three years on something that seems useless, but isn't really.
"No," he declares, his hand stopping in Sirius' fur. Sirius makes a whimpering noise and nudges Remus' hand with his snout. "No. You can't come to the shack. I could kill you all- I could- No, you aren't coming. What if-"
"You won't hurt us, Remus," James states confidently. "You'd never."
"How do you know that?" Remus rasps.
"Well, factually, it's quite impossible," Lily voices. "Werewolves don't go after animals. Trust me, Remus, we've done years worth of research on the topic. We won't be at risk of any harm."
"You don't know that for sure," he whispers, scrunching his eyes shut. Sirius shuffles forward and rests his head on Remus' leg, looking up at him with sad eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."
"If it helps, we'll have our wands," Peter chimes in and Sirius growls at him. Why would he say that? They aren't going to hurt Moony. They would never hurt Moony. Something primal, something territorial flickers on like a light inside of Sirius and it's all for Remus and for Moony. No one can touch him or hurt him. He won't let it happen.
"All I mean is," Peter has the nerve to send a frustrated look Sirius' way, "if something does happen - which it won't - we are capable of protecting ourselves. Either way, you couldn't hurt us even if you tried, Remus."
"What if-"
"No," James cuts in. "No. Stop what-if-ing us. If it doesn't work, we won't try it again. But, Remus, if it does... you won't be alone anymore. We would distract you all night long and you wouldn't have to hurt yourself anymore. We would protect you."
Remus looks down at Sirius, who is still staring up at him. Remus looks slightly blurry and Sirius blames that on the dog's poor eyesight, but he is clear enough that Sirius can see his bottom lip tremble.
"You're going to come anyway, aren't you?" Remus closes his eyes.
"Probably," Peter agrees at the same time Lily adamantly says, "Definitely."
"James?" Remus opens his eyes and looks at him.
"I don't want you to be uncomfortable, Remus, or to worry about us, but I really believe this will help you. I want to help you," James replies, eyes wide and earnest behind his glasses.
"Sirius?" Remus glances down at him, his eyes watery.
Sirius transforms back into his human form. He's sitting as close to Remus as he possibly could, with one leg folded by Remus' hip and the other resting behind him. Remus' shoulder presses into his chest and their faces are only a couple of inches apart. Sirius stares into Remus' wide, amber eyes and a tear falls. He reaches up to carefully wipe it away and smiles softly.
"Anything for you, Moony," he whispers, hand still cradling Remus' chin. Then, something miraculous happens. Sirius can hear Remus' heartbeat. It's strange because he can't hear his own, nor can he hear the other three people's in the room with them right now. It could be because Remus is closer or maybe because his heart is racing out of his chest at the moment, but Sirius can hear it. His own syncs up with Remus' and he grins.
"Alright," Remus agrees breathlessly. "Okay, you can try it."
Sirius' grin somehow widens and he leans forward to wrap his arms around Remus. Lily, James and Peter move forward to do the same and soon it turns into a jumbled group hug, which has Remus tumbling backwards on the bed and trapping Sirius' leg beneath him.
They follow Remus and Poppy under James' cloak to the Whomping Willow, watching as Poppy uses her wand to still the branches before rushing into the small opening beneath it with Remus at her side. Peter is sitting on Sirius' shoulder in his rat form because the four of them couldn't fit underneath the cloak, not with how tall James has gotten and how Sirius' shoulders have broadened since he joined the Quidditch team.
They wait until Poppy comes back out because they don't want to accidentally bump into her in the narrow passageway. Then, she will know what they are doing and they will probably end up in Azkaban.
Sirius knows he wouldn't last a day in prison. The moment his hair gets greasy, he would be begging to get to a shower.
As soon as Poppy's light hair comes into view amongst the throngs of shadows, they start forward. They want to get there before the moon is at it's apogee, preferably. The tunnel is long and sinewy, the floor is slightly slippery from dampness and consists of nothing but muck and moss. The walls are drippy and freezing cold to the touch. It takes them less than fifteen minutes to get to the shack and by then Sirius is buzzing to get a move on. He chucks the cloak off first and hurries up a set of stairs, just as Remus had instructed they do when they planned this earlier after their major reveal.
Their footsteps signal their arrival and Remus is waiting in the doorway of a dishevelled-looking room when they find him. It is only then that Sirius actually takes in the shack's appearance. The floors are uncarpeted floorboards that look slightly rotten and the walls are dressed in a layer of pealed wallpaper that is covered in large, ripping claw marks. It's horrible.
Sirius turns his attention back to Remus, who looks embarrassed and uncomfortable as he invites them into the room. When Sirius walks in, the first thing he notices is a very dusty-looking piano, half of the keys have been torn out, probably by the wolf. To it's left, there's a bed with a new mattress on top of it. One of the posts holding the bed up has been gnawed at and scratched within an inch of it's life. On the opposite side of the room there's a fireplace that looks to be boarded off and a chaise, it's fabric is discoloured and there's a brown stain on it that looks like dried blood. The windows have been blocked off by wooden planks that Sirius is sure have been maintained with permanent sticking charms, as well as protection charms.
Other than those three pieces of furniture, the room is empty. Remus is fiddling with his fingers in that way he always does when he's nervous. Sirius tuts softly and walks over to him, pulling Remus' hands apart.
"You don't need to be nervous, Moony," Sirius whispers. "We all love you and we want to help."
"I know, Sirius, it isn't just that," Remus mutters, eyes wandering around the room. "This place, it's horrible, and part of the reason is because of me. It's humiliating."
"No, it isn't," Sirius shakes his head, refusing to accept this. He will not let Remus be embarrassed, not by this. "Don't be embarrassed, Moony."
Remus looks at him and then settles his eyes on the other three people behind them. "This is where I usually change. I prefer the bed because it's the only place that isn't freezing cold at this time of year. If you want to put your wands somewhere safe, but somewhere you can still reach them, there's a brick right by the fireplace that slides out easily. It's impossible to access with paws though, so you might want to put them away now."
They do and then they all just stand around and wait. James and Lily try their best to start up a conversation, something to make the waiting less painful, but even they struggle. None of them know how tonight will go, to tell the truth. Sirius knows, in his very bones, that it will go well. He can feel it, can smell it. He has no doubt that this will work.
Remus hunches over at one point and almost collapses to the floor, but Sirius manages to catch him before he does.
"It's starting," Remus pants, wincing and clutching his side, right where the bite is. "I need to get to the bed and you guys need to change."
"Here, I'll help you," Sirius says, half-carrying Remus over to the bed. Remus drops down onto it, his nails gripping the mattress. Sirius watches as they begin to elongate into claws.
"Sirius, CHANGE!" Remus shouts and Sirius does. He remembers how earlier Remus had asked each of them not to watch this part and they had all promised they wouldn't. Sirius wanted to be beside him the whole time, especially during the most painful part of the process, but Remus had begged him not to be, in case he hurt him, so Sirius reluctantly agreed.
He moves over to the piano and hides under it. It's the only way he can stop himself from looking over. The dog wants to know how Remus is- how Moony is, he wants to check that he's okay, but Sirius holds onto his promise. He cowers under the piano and holds his paws over his ears when the screams start. He whimpers, hating that the screams still sound human, Remus is still suffering and it's been minutes now. Sirius had read that the transformation process could take seconds or it could take minutes, but he'd almost forgotten that part. He'd hoped it wouldn't take long for Remus.
Something tickles his nose, so he cracks his eyes open and finds Peter, small and blonde, nudging him. Sirius sniffs him and then brushes the side of his face up against his friend. Peter huddles into Sirius' side and hugs him in the only way he can whilst he is so small. Sirius thinks he could cry with how grateful his is for Peter. He looks over to where Lily and James are comforting each other. Lily is hunched over just as Sirius is, her eyes are squeezed shut and her paws are covering her ears. James is lying down beside her, his head rested on top of hers. Pain reflects in his golden stag eyes.
When the screams turn into howls, they all get up and make their way over to the bed. Sirius jumps up onto it and comes face-to-face with Moony for the first time. Although, it doesn't feel like the first time. Suddenly, he realises he's seen Moony before, once in a dream. His fur is golden-brown and as thick as Remus' hair, whilst his eyes glow a blinding shade of amber. His tail is tufted, not bushy like Sirius', but he is a lot bigger than Sirius is. Moony towers over him, cocking his head when he notices Sirius and then the other three animals in the room.
Moony looks back at Sirius and steps forward. Sirius doesn't step back because he isn't scared. The only emotion he is experiencing right now is intrigue. The wolf sniffs his head, burying his nose in Sirius' fur and his tail begins to wag, which has Sirius smiling, if dogs can smile. Does Moony recognise his scent? The wolf sniffs him more eagerly now and when it pulls back, it's pupils are dilated. He licks Sirius' snout and then jumps playfully, arching his backside up in the air as he looks up at Sirius daringly.
Sirius mirrors his movements and then they're playing, tackling until Sirius drops onto the floor, almost squashing Peter. Sirius feels as Peter climbs up onto his back and then onto his head. When Moony notices the little rat there, he gets even more excited and starts jumping in circles. Sirius barks to catch his attention and runs over to where James and Lily are standing at the end of the bed.
When Moony sees all of his new friends, he starts running in circles around the room, trying to show off his skills clearly. Sirius barks, cheering him on. He passes Peter to James and then starts speeding around the room with Moony.
For the rest of the night, they run and they play. Moony is intrigued by James' antlers and spends a lot of time hitting them gently with his paws. Sirius already knows James is going to say that is their way of high-fiving. Lily is the one who curls up around Moony when they all fall asleep. She licks his head clean before they go to bed and Moony makes a sound of appreciation before returning the favour and licking her face. Those two take the top of the bed, whilst James and Sirius lay at the end of it with Peter squeezed in-between them.
In the morning, Sirius is the first to wake. Remus lays in front of him, back in human form. Somehow, they managed to sleep through the wolf-to-human process. Lily is still in her lion form, her head on Remus' shoulder. Sirius notices Remus' lack of clothes and hops onto the floor, where the blanket had been discarded the night before. None of them needed it, not with all the running around they were doing. He jumps back onto the bed and drapes the blanket over Remus' prone form. Then, he just looks at him. His eyelashes are fluttering slightly in his sleep and there's a small, pleased smile sitting in the corner of his mouth.
It worked. Moony didn't scratch or bite himself once last night, which means Remus won't have to suffer with any new cuts this month. Excited about this, Sirius bends down and starts licking Remus' face. Poppy will probably be here soon, so they should all get up. Remus' face scrunches up and then his eyes are flying open. He looks up at Sirius and confusion fills his eyes for a couple of seconds before he's laughing.
Sirius transforms back just as Remus starts to sit up. "It worked, Remus. I told you it would. You didn't hurt yourself once and Moony had so much fun. Are you okay? How do you feel?"
Remus is staring at him, just watching him with wide, amazed eyes. He opens his mouth like he's about to say something, but then his lips begin to wobble and his eyes fill with tears. Sirius frowns, thinking he was wrong. Did Remus hurt himself?
"Remus?" He reaches up to cup Remus' jaw with both hands.
"It worked," Remus whispers, a tear falling from his left eye.
Sirius smiles, understanding. "It worked," he nods.
Remus closes his eyes and relief washes over him, he turns his face into Sirius' palm and presses a quiet, "Thank you," into his hand. His tear falls onto Sirius' thumb. Remus breathes into his hand and Sirius doesn't acknowledge that this could potentially be a weird thing for two friends to be doing.
"What time is it?" Comes Lily's voice from behind Remus, making the two boys jump apart. She lets out a loud yawn and then comes into view, rubbing her eye with her fingers.
"Time to go," Sirius grimaces, looking back at Remus. "Sorry, but I bet Poppy will be back soon and we can't get caught."
"It's okay," Remus sniffs, wiping his eyes discretely so Lily doesn't notice he was crying. When he meets Sirius' eyes again, he says, "Last night was perfect."
Friday - 14th February, 1975
Sirius loves Valentine's Day because it is his annual day of revenge.
He supposes the love part of the day is pretty cool, too. Especially because this year he has Jess. They have already agreed not to celebrate today because it's a school day, so they are going to do Valentine's Day tomorrow, which means Sirius can have his day of revenge. Jess has something planned for tomorrow, which is something to look forward to. Sirius has no idea what it is, but apparently Mary does, she's been helping Jess plan it for the past couple of weeks.
Sirius is far too impatient for this kind of suspense.
That morning, they make it down to the Great Hall without any fuss. Their prank won't begin until eight o'clock, right in the middle of breakfast. Sirius can't sit still in his chair, too thrilled to see the results. They have been working on this for a whole month, ever since the Slytherins set dung bombs off in their dormitory. Sirius had insisted they somehow make the prank specific to them, but had settled on Peter's suggestion that they enhance the prank when it came to Black, Crouch and Rosier.
Sirius is sitting beside James, they are facing the Slytherin table, and opposite them sits Remus, Peter and Frank. The only warning they gave Frank was that if he didn't want to be tied up dealing with the prank today, he might not want to look at Alice.
Eight o'clock hits and gradually, all around the hall, students let out gasps and expletives of surprise. People's hands begin to lock up, ropes tying them together. It had been Remus who suggested the ropes be seen and not just spell bound, to properly represent how people are prisoners of love. The other three boys just sort of went along with it because Remus had been saying things like this ever since they came back in January. Little bitter comments about romance here and there, Sirius figured it was because of his recent break up.
Jess comes ambling over to them, his hands held in front of him, bound together with a white rope, not tight enough to hurt, but impossible to free yourself from. He raises an eyebrow at Sirius, whose hands also lock up when he looks at Jess. Sirius has been very careful not to so much as glance at Remus since the eight o'clock mark hit, just in case there are any lingering feelings still there that he doesn't know about.
"I'm guessing you lot had something to do with this?" Jess asks.
"Maybe," Sirius replies cheekily. "It's nice to know you actually like me."
"Were you having doubts?" Jess sits down in the seat beside him.
"Of course not," Sirius says, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Jess' cheek. From across the table, he hears the sound of the curse being triggered. Technically, it is a curse because they had to make sure no one could break it until the midnight deadline.
His eyes jump across the table to where Peter, Frank and Remus are sitting, all staring down with wide eyes. Sirius expects Peter or Frank to have triggered it, meaning Benji or Alice must be around here somewhere. However, when he looks down too, he realises it's Remus whose hands are tied.
Sirius frowns. He thought Remus was in love with Marie? The last time he checked, Marie did not attend Hogwarts, which means Remus likes someone else. Sirius remembers how Remus had told him and James that there were a number of reasons why he and Marie broke up. Was this one of them? Did Remus like someone else? Well, he must because they were very careful to make sure the curse would only affect those with a crush.
"Remus, you-" Sirius starts at the same time James announces, "Oh, the Slytherins just arrived."
Sirius stops looking at Remus' hands and instead casts his gaze to across the hall where Black is sitting between Pandora and Evan, with Barty, Dorcas and Scarlett Stark opposite. He must not have looked Scarlett's way yet because he is eating his breakfast with perfectly free hands. At first, they all are, but then there's a flash of pink and Evan's hands are suddenly being held together by a pink, sparkly rope. The glitter was James' idea, something to make the prank extra special for the three Slytherins who ruined their dormitory for the better half of a month.
Evan's unfortunate predicament catches the attention of his friends and soon his cheeks are glowing as bright pink as the ropes that bind his hands are. Scarlett reaches across the table and flicks her wand at them, likely attempting to remove the binds, but it doesn't work. Sirius feels as something giddy swirls in his stomach. Black looks from Evan to Scarlett and then to the Gryffindor table and instantaneously his hands begin to wrap themselves together in pink, sparkly ropes.
Sirius lets out a bellowing laugh and has to hold the edge of the table to stop himself from slipping off the bench. Black looks just as peeved as he had when they set off a ringing in his head that one time. Sirius notices that Scarlett's hands remain unbound, even when she looks at her fiancé, which only makes Sirius laugh harder.
"James," Peter gasps, bringing Sirius' attention back to the Gryffindor table. Sirius glances over at James, whose hands have now fallen victim to the prank, too. Sirius must not have heard it happen, too distracted by the Slytherins to realise.
James is staring down at his own secured hands like they are a terrible foe, like he has no idea how they currently exist in front of him. He blinks down at the rope and then, cautiously, his eyes move across the hall before abruptly lowering to the table before Sirius can see who he was looking at. He is almost certain James had been looking at the Ravenclaw table.
"Who is the lucky girl then, Bambi?" Sirius attempts to throw his arm over James' shoulder, but it's unreasonably difficult to do so with his hands stuck together at the wrists. "An eagle? It makes sense you'd go for one of them, someone to rival your humongous brains."
"Yeah," James lets out a weak chuckle. Sirius doesn't miss the way his eyebrows furrow in that way they do whenever James gets confused in Potions - it's a subject he should know well, so he rarely ends up lost, but it does happen sometimes.
"So, who is it?" Peter repeats Sirius' earlier question.
"Er, I don't know," James murmurs, looking bashful.
"You don't know?"
James shrugs and glances up at Remus, they seem to share a silent conversation without using words. Sirius frowns as he looks from James' hands to Remus', and then back to James'. His brain begins to put the puzzle pieces of something together, though he is missing a piece, so he doesn't have the full picture.
"So," Jess clears his throat, obviously trying to get rid of the awkward silence that has befallen them. "Where did you get the idea from?" He raises his linked hands pointedly.
"Peter's parents' wedding rings, actually. They're in the shape of knots because in ancient times, Wizards and Witches used to believe that they strengthened the bond between a married couple. Some people still believe in the tradition and call them 'love knots', just like Peter's parents," Sirius explains. "We stretched the idea a little bit and made it applicable to anyone with a crush, not just people in love."
"Oh, I think I've heard of that before," Jess nods. "My great-grandmother used to have one. She shared it with her first husband, but he died of Dragon Pox when they were very young. Even when she met my great-grandfather, she kept the ring on because she believed it connected her to her love."
"That's beautiful," James croons.
"Good morning, everyone," Lily announces herself as she slumps down into the seat beside Remus. She reaches for a cup of tea and gulps it down, looking utterly exhausted.
"You alright, Trixie?" Sirius asks, ignoring the half-hearted glare Lily aims his way at the nickname.
"Mary and Barty are having a domestic just outside the hall," she gestures to the other end of the hall with a tilt of her head, where Barty and Mary are clearly arguing with each other. Both of them waving their free hands (not bound even as they stare right at each other) around. "They're breaking up, I think."
"About time, too," Sirius mumbles, scooting closer to Jess.
"What are they fighting about?" Remus asks, it's the first time he's properly spoken since his hands mysteriously became bound together.
"Apparently Barty insulted her little sister over Christmas and they've been fighting ever since. It's all about stupid stuff, really, like Barty not walking her to class when he promised he would."
"I hope she'll be okay," James says, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth as he watches Mary march away from Barty and towards the group of them.
"She's Mary Macdonald, she'll be fine," Lily assures him.
"Good morning, boys and Lily," Mary greets as she drops down into the seat next to Jess. "Do any of you have any single friends? I need a date for tomorrow."
"So, you broke up with him?" Lily asks.
"Yeah, he was a cunt," Mary replies calmly, reaching over Jess to grab a jar of strawberry jam before smearing it all over her toast. "So, any single friends?"
"Kingsley might be available," Sirius suggests.
Mary thinks about this for a minute and then licks the strawberry jam off her knife before putting it down on the table. She takes a large bite of her toast, getting the jam all over her top lip before she licks it off.
"Actually, I think I want to try a girl this time," Mary cocks her head to the side and then nods. "Yes, I'm done with boys for now. Disgusting, the lot of them. Not you, Jamie," she adds, blowing a kiss to the boy in question.
"Since when did you like girls?" Sirius asks.
"Since when did you like cock?" Mary counters, making both Sirius and Jess blush as they purposefully don't look at each other. Mary grins triumphantly. "I'm just testing the waters, okay? Now, does anyone know any single girls?"
"Lily is a single girl," Peter points out and Lily hits his shoulder with the back of his hand. "Ouch!"
"No, I don't date friends anymore," Mary shakes her head. "Sorry, Lils."
"What about Pandora? She seems the sort," Sirius suggests.
"I was literally just dating her best friend, Tonks," Mary raises an eyebrow at him that says, You're stupid. "Any other idiotic suggestions?"
"Emmeline Vance?" Remus suggests.
"Hufflepuff?"
"Yeah, she's really sweet. I sit near her in Transfiguration and we share notes sometimes. I'm pretty sure she used to go out with Kiara from Ravenclaw," Remus bites his lip as he thinks. "She's really open about the whole thing."
"Great," Mary exclaims, shoving the last piece of her toast in her mouth. "See you losers later, I'm going to get me a date." She salutes them and then strolls over to the Hufflepuff table where she finds Emmeline Vance, a girl with dyed dark-blue hair and dark, epicanthal eyes that twinkle when she smiles. They all watch as Mary introduces herself and then gets invited to sit down. It isn't long before she's working her Mary Macdonald magic and getting the girl to blush. Once she's finished, she saunters back over to the Gryffindor table looking smug.
"Get a date?" Jess smirks up at her.
"Yep." She rests her hands on her hips and gazes down at them all as if she is their god and they are her awestruck subjects. "Sisters, brothers and others, Mary Macdonald can pull all genders."
When Sirius gets to Defence later that day, he sits down in his regular seat, feeling cheerful. In History of Magic, he didn't have to do any work because he could barely write with his hands struck together. James and Azalia sit at the table to his left, Azalia's hands are still free, unlike James'.
When Black shows up and completely ignores Sirius' presence, he takes it upon himself to start the lesson off on a good note. (Meaning, pissing Regulus Black off as much as he can.)
"Good morning, star shine." Sirius snickers down at the boy's new sparkly, pink accessory. "Loving your new look. All you needed was a pop of colour, and suddenly you're only almost completely intolerable."
"Oh, would you shut up?" Regulus retorts in a levelled voice. "Lessons are for learning, not socialising."
"Who taught you that? Slughorn?" Sirius snorts. He pulls his legs up onto his chair and rests the soles of his shoes against the edge of the desk, swinging precariously on the two back legs of his seat. "So, how does it feel to know your fiancé doesn't love you back?" Sirius drags out the word 'fiancé' because it's just so ridiculous.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Black remarks, not sparing him a glance. He is currently struggling to pull out his stationary from his bag. The kind person his parents raised wants to reach out and help, but the half of him that despises this boy revels in watching him struggle.
"These ropes," he taps his own binds, "are only triggered if you have a crush."
Black's eyes snap up to his and there is nothing but utter confusion in his expression which, admittedly, takes Sirius aback.
"What?"
"Oh, didn't you know?" Sirius pretends to be dumbfounded. "Yes, they appear as soon as your eyes land on the person holding your affection. I noticed Stark's hands are as free as a bird."
"Shut up. You have no idea what you're talking about," Black sneers at him and then turns back to face the front of the classroom. He smooths out his parchment and struggles to dip his quill inside his inkwell, but he does manage to do it without spilling his ink everywhere, which is something James couldn't manage last lesson.
"So, how is your Christmas present treating you?" Sirius questions amicably.
Regulus side-eyes him. "What?"
"The howler diffusers," Sirius tuts, feeling impatient. "I hope you know, I spent quite a lot of time making those. Just a little something to show my least favourite person in the world how much I care about them. You're welcome, by the way. I can't believe you didn't even send me a thank you card. Tut tut to your manners."
"It was you?" Once again, he has stunned the boy and he finds that he likes it, being able to shock him. It's quite fun, actually.
"Surprised?"
"Flabbergasted to know you have a heart? Absolutely," Black replies, giving Sirius a once over. "Not entirely useless then."
"Was that a compliment?" Sirius presses his hand to his chest. "Now, I am the flabbergasted one. You actually have a conscience, who would have thought?"
Regulus opens his mouth to say something back, but Pritchett enters the classroom and starts grumbling to the class about how they will have to watch him give demonstrations of the spells they will be learning next lesson because half of the students have their hands tied and can't write anything. He looks irrevocably infuriated - Sirius' day just keeps getting better.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
beau = beautiful (French)
D'accord, joli garçon, je le ferai = Okay, pretty boy, I will (French)MENTIONS:
-btw for Valentine's Day, Jess took Sirius out for a picnic by the lake because he's a sweetheart <3
-I love the name Nico, so it's Nicholas' new nickname :)
-evan and barty are best friends again because I missed their shenanigans <3
-Regulus is SO GAY! sorry, I just had to get that out there.
-Astro, I see you staring 👀
-Regulus when he found the daisy: iT's tHE LaST oNe oF ThE SeASOn
-A part of me wishes Regulus and Harry got a chance to meet, but I also know they would have hated each other
-I love when Sirius tries to be intimidating because he sucks at it 💀
-if you don't like rat Peter that's fine, but just search "cute small blonde rat" into google - they're adorable!!
-LILY IS A LIONESS! I did so much research and this is the only one that felt like it fit her perfectly in this fic. Also, her nickname is now Venatrix and Peter is Wormtail (which I also think is cute)
-Violetta update! Unlike a lot of Pureblood families, she does actually have good parents. She's finally free of manky Amycus! <3
-Remus knows! Finally. They all spent the full moon with him ☹❤ I swear I cry whenever Remus does
-oop Remus has a cruuuuush. I wonder who it is.. Oh! So do Regulus and James hehehe
-Mary is our queen, bow down to her 👑🙏🧎♀️
-I love Black brother interactions <333 Regulus knows Sirius was his Secret Santa!Thank you so much for you support and your lovely comments. I love hearing everyone's thoughts and I've even met a couple of you on tumblr. I love talking to you guys so much. See you in another 7-10 days <3
Chapter 52: Fourth Year: The Kiss
Summary:
Remus realises a few things. Nicknames are invented. James also realises a few things. Some people do some kissing - it might not be what you expect. Scarlett confuses the fuck out of James and it's hilarious.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
- references to past self harm (Frank)
- war/death/arson
- underage drinking
- slight sexuality crisis
- brief reference to past gore (when Alecto hit Remus with that curse)
- snogging - a lot of it
- argument/yellingLet me know if I forgot any warnings :)
You have no idea how excited I am for this chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me
When we're alone
You can hold my hand
If no one's home
~ Ricky Montgomery
Wednesday - 26th February, 1975
Remus
Remus has a problem. When Marie broke up with him, he knew there were multiple reasons why it would be the best decision for them both. Not only was their relationship slowly pulling them apart, but they barely even had one because Remus was hardly present for it. In his mind, that was all there was to it, they didn't work together. They were better off as friends. It hadn't even crossed his mind that there was a chance he had feelings for someone else, which might have contributed to the end of their relationship without Remus even realising it.
Then, Valentine's Day came along.
It's been over a week and he still has no idea who triggered the ropes. He knows why it happened, he must like someone, but when the ropes started to slither around his wrists, he was too busy looking at everyone's reactions around the Great Hall to realise who he was looking at when the prank was triggered for him. Stupidly, he'd thought he wouldn't be a victim of it. He feels ashamed, too, because he's still in love with Marie and they've only been broken up for a couple of months. He didn't realise he liked another person last week, what if he had liked them all along? What if Marie knew and that's one of the reasons she broke it off? Why wouldn't she tell him?
Remus has had a lot on his mind recently. It's like he came back to Hogwarts and everything decided to hit him all at once. A couple of days before he left Wales, he and Marie told their friends about where Remus really went all year when he wasn't at home. It had taken a lot of convincing for them all to believe it - Remus ended up having to physically show them what he could do, it was one of the scariest things he's ever done. Unexpectedly, Cara was the first to accept that Remus and Marie were telling the truth. Her logic was that if she could believe in a god who created the entire universe in less than a week, then she could believe her strange friend was capable of magic. After that, it hadn't taken long for Felix to start believing in him, too. Hugo was the one who needed the proof.
He isn't allowed to do magic outside of school, he knows that, but his house protects him from the trace the Ministry have on him because his mam is the only Muggle who lives there and she obviously knows about the Wizarding World, considering the fact that she is married to a Wizard and has one for a son. Remus had only used a little spell, something that would be convincing enough. He'd pulled his wand out from it's holster underneath his jumper and transfigured Hugo's empty mug into an apple.
His friends took it better than he imagined they would - Cara had made a comment about how she always knew he was a little freaky, which was a compliment coming from her; Felix was a little upset that Remus hadn't told him before then, but was overall very accommodating with the information; Hugo was startled by Remus' simple use of magic, but in the end seemed entirely fine with it. They all made promises not to tell anyone else and Marie looked happier with the knowledge that she could now talk about it whenever Remus was away.
Then, there's Frank. He and Remus have spoken a lot after the last couple of months. It started with Remus approaching him the first night they got back after Christmas. Frank assured him that he hadn't hurt himself again and that he was trying his best not to. Remus was the one who recommended he chop his nails down and keep them that way, so that's what Frank has been doing. He's also been taking Remus' advice from Christmas Eve and has been controlling his anger but not ignoring it entirely.
Only a week ago, Sirius was going on one of his tangents about Snape, and he just so happened to be doing it whilst Frank was working on his Astronomy essay. Frank had ended up yelling over Sirius' rambling and told him to stop complaining about Snape so much if he hated him. Then, he'd marched off down to the common room, leaving the rest of them in silence. In the end, it was Remus who had to break it to Sirius that they didn't want to hear about Snape every single week. After that, he had went down to check if Frank was okay and found him freaking out, worrying himself sick thinking that Sirius wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. Remus tried to reassure him that could never be true, but he didn't believe it until Sirius came down a few minutes later to apologise. Then, he offered to help Frank out with his essay and it was as if nothing had ever happened.
This incident was the catalyst that led Frank to tell Alice about everything that's been going on. Frank came and told Remus right after and Remus had hugged him because he was so, so proud of him for telling another person. He can't even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for him.
Alice cried, which made Frank cry, which then made Alice cry harder. Apparently, she was distraught with herself for not knowing that this was going on until Frank reassured her that he purposefully hid it, he hid it from everyone, because he didn't want anyone to know. The thing about Frank is that he could be dying and he would still convince everyone he was fine because he wouldn't want them to be worried.
Ever since then, Frank has been finding it so much easier to not slip into that all-consuming state of anger that he tries to control by digging his nails into his hands, because now all he pictures is Alice's face covered in tears, blaming herself. Frank didn't want to worry her by telling her, which only made what he was doing to himself worse, but in confessing to Alice what he had done, he had found a way to handle it. In the end, the key was Alice.
There are still bad days, but Remus and Alice are always there to make sure they are helping in any way they can. It isn't always a preventative, but Frank tells them it's always enough.
On top of Remus' mystery crush, the newfound knowledge that his Muggle friends know about the Wizarding World, and everything that has happened with Frank, the war has grown steadily worse. This morning there was another article in The Daily Prophet that announced the death of more Muggles, but the terrorist (or terrorists) are getting more brazen, and so instead of targeting a house of Muggles, this time they set fire to a shopping centre full of innocent people. There were one-hundred and forty-two injured, over four-hundred casualties, and two-hundred and sixty-eight survivors. More hurt, more dead, than alive and well.
Remus heard that one of the Hufflepuff students in first year was taken from their Transfiguration class not long after the news was delivered at breakfast. Their parents were included in the casualties, as well as their four-year-old little brother.
He can't even imagine being told that his family was just... gone after having spent Christmas with them only two months before. That poor Hufflepuff must be having the worst day of their life right now and all because of a blood discrimination that doesn't even factually make any sense. All because people are bigots who live in hatred and mislead pride. It makes him feel sick, he wishes he could do something, anything, to change the way some people see the world. He wishes he could fight against these terrorists, help save a few lives.
This most recent attack is the first that has reached Hogwarts, the first that has personally affected the people inside these walls. Remus can feel the war stretching out it's plagued and withered hands towards them. He is so afraid of it touching those he loves, his parents, his Muggle friends, his friends at Hogwarts. He doesn't even want it to touch the people he passes in the halls on his way to class every day. He wants to kill it, the war he means. That thought, and that thought only, is the thing that keeps him feeling brave despite all the horror going on around them in the world. If he remains brave, he might just be able to fight hard enough to protect those he loves from it all.
The attack in the papers said it happened it Hereford, which is right near the border of Wales, only a two hour drive from Carmarthen. So close, yet so far to so much he holds most dear.
Remus has to balance out the bad with some good just to keep himself sane. For the first time since he was four years old and experiencing his first ever full moon, he is excited for it. He had no idea that for the last three years, his friends were figuring out how to become Animagi - which is one of the most difficult branches of magic known to Wizardkind - just to make things easier for him every full moon. He has never met a group of more selfless people in his entire life. When the boys first found out he was a werewolf, Remus was so scared they would hate him for it. He remembers thinking he would be forced back home or outed to the whole Wizarding World. What he hadn't expected was three twelve-year-old boys to promise him their undying loyalty.
When Lily had found out, Remus thought he'd tainted her. She is one of the most amazing people he has ever met because she is so thoughtful and kind and her heart is bigger than most. He always considered their friendship a betrayal to her, that was until she swore to him that he wasn't a monster and that if he could trust her with anything, he could trust her with that. He should have known, really, that they would do something like this. He recalls walking in on the group of them whispering between themselves, leaving him out of things, all the time. He just thought they were leaving him out of some secret they never wanted him to know, he should have known better.
Tonight is the second full moon he will spend with his friends, the second of many if Sirius' word is to be trusted, which Remus knows from experience it is.
Last month, Remus recalled memories from the wolf's perspective, which isn't something that has ever happened before. At first, it frightened him because he didn't like the idea of being able to see what the wolf could see, just in case it did something terrible and he had to remember it. However, instead of something horrific, his memories were full of joy and this prideful feeling that felt sort of like the wolf had been whispering pack, pack, pack to him. He supposes that's what James, Lily, Sirius and Peter are to him now - they're his pack. There is no other group of people he would rather it be.
Thursday - 27th February, 1975
"Remus?"
"Mm?"
"You need to go upstairs, Remus. I know, I'm sorry, but Poppy will be here any minute-"
"Sirius, are you coming?"
"Yes, James, just give me a minute!"
Remus blinks his eyes open and flinches at the light streaming through the cracks in the boarded up windows. A figure moves in front of the light, stopping it from harming his retinas. When he glances up, he finds Sirius' anxious face hovering above him.
"Sirius?"
"Morning, Moons," Sirius grins, always thrilled to see him, even like this apparently. "Poppy will be here in about ten minutes and you slept downstairs last night. We need to get you back up to the room."
"Oh," Remus mumbles. He looks down at himself and realises there's a blanket slung over his legs, coming up to his waist. Suddenly, he feels far too exposed and pulls the blanket further up his body. When he looks back up at Sirius, he finds him smiling softly at him. "Did I hurt myself last night?"
"No, you've just got a couple of scratches from playing rough," Sirius explains, holding out a hand as he stands from his crouching position. Remus takes his hand and lets Sirius walk him up the stairs to the room with the bed and the piano. Poppy always closes the door and Moony can't open doors, so it would be very odd if she found him on another floor, not entirely impossible, but definitely out of the ordinary.
Sirius doesn't leave his side, not even when Remus settles himself on the bed. His joints creak with every movement and he winces as his tailbone hits the soft mattress. It's always sensitive the night after a full, he thinks it has something to do with the tail he grows each month. Human bodies aren't really made for that sort of thing, hence his body's lack of durability in that area.
"We're going to go catch a couple of hours before classes start, but we'll come to visit you at lunchtime, okay?" Sirius tells him as he basically tucks Remus into the bed, patting down the blanket and making sure he isn't hurting his back against the wooden headboard.
"Okay," Remus says, feeling warm and cared for. It sort of makes him miss his mam.
Sirius smiles again, the sort that crinkles his eyes in the corners, and reaches up to brush Remus' hair off his forehead. Then, in a move Remus doesn't see coming, Sirius leans down and presses a fierce kiss to his forehead. Remus' body seems to process what just happened before his brain can catch up because in a matter of seconds, he's blushing.
"SIRIUS!" Comes Lily's voice from somewhere far below. "WE HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW !"
Pulling away, Sirius releases a sigh and rolls his eyes. "See you later, Moony."
Remus doesn't reply. Every single word in his brain has been compressed together into unintelligible mulch. His heart is hammering in his chest, so he pulls the blanket up high enough to cover it, as if anyone else could hear it beating but him. He knows this feeling and he knows it well, which is why, a moment later, he is sinking into the bed and burying his face in his hands.
Friday - 21st March, 1975
Remus has been a terrible friend. He was also a horrendous boyfriend. He is winning no awards right now.
He is about ninety percent sure he knows who his crush is and it makes absolutely no sense to one half of his mind, but to the other... nothing has ever made more sense to anyone or anything in all of history. Remus doesn't know how long he's liked Sirius for, it could have been weeks, months, or maybe even years. He genuinely has no idea because he did not see this coming. First of all, he had no idea he liked guys, where the fuck did that come from? Second, why is it that out of all the people in the world, he had to go and have a crush on his best friend?
It's Sirius.
Sirius.
Did you get that? It's Sirius.
What the actual fuck?
Remus knows it sounds absolutely insane and it sort of sprung up on him there, he's definitely afraid of what it could mean. But then whenever he thinks about liking Sirius, his heart beats so fast it feels like it's going to shoot right out of his chest. Something thrilling, something that feels borderline wolfish, howls inside of him, bursting through his veins and mingling with his blood.
How could he have not noticed this before?
Oh, and third, there's Jess. It makes so much more sense to him now - why he hated Jess. He was jealous. After all this time, he was jealous. He wonders if Marie knew. She used to get sick of him for going on about it, he hadn't realised what he was really doing though. Even when he was with her, he liked Sirius. He has no idea which of them he started liking first.
He is pretty sure Jess has some sort of idea about his feelings, too. Remus has been going over what he can remember of their conversation on Christmas Eve, and a few things he said stand out to him. He can't believe he's been so blind to it all. Is he obvious about it? Who else knows? Should he tell anyone?
He probably shouldn't tell anyone. Maybe he should bury it inside of him and lock it down. That's okay, he's used to keeping secrets, he's got it down to a science at this point. The only problem with this secret is that he shares a dormitory with it.
Over the last three weeks, Remus has been slowly avoiding Sirius more and more. He won't be doing it forever, just until he's sorted through all of his thoughts and figured out a way to restrain his feelings from bursting out of him. Not only does he have to wrap his mind around the fact that he likes Sirius, he has to come to terms with the fact that Sirius is a boy, which means Remus is attracted to those too apparently, which is news to him.
He's been spending quite a lot of time around Frank, Alice and Azalia, who have all welcomed his more frequent appearance with open arms. It's going to be harder to avoid Sirius over the next couple of weeks because it's the Easter break and the boys and Lily are all staying at Hogwarts so they can spend the moon with Remus.
Remus' birthday was just over a week ago, but they haven't celebrated it yet because they've decided to have a joint birthday party for him and James on the final night before everyone else goes home for Easter. This will be the penultimate party Fabian and Gideon attend in Gryffindor Tower before they leave at the end of the year. Remus imagines they'll throw another party after exams are out of the way, and that will be the Prewetts' final hurrah.
The party isn't until tomorrow and today they have their last day of lessons before the break. Remus is on his way to Potions with James and Peter, both of whom he hasn't seen very much of outside of the dormitory over the last couple of weeks. They're talking about some chocolate frog card Peter finally found, one he's been looking for since second year.
"Remus?" James asks, sounding as if he's been calling Remus for a while now.
"Yes? Sorry, what did you say?"
"Are you okay? You've been a bit absent recently," Peter says, always reliably blunt. "You're not avoiding us, are you?" He chuckles.
"Of course not," Remus hurries to assure them. "I've just had quite a lot on my mind. Sorry, didn't mean to ignore you."
"You don't need to apologise," James smiles, laying a comforting hand onto Remus' shoulder. "If you want, we can talk about it later?"
"Yeah, maybe," Remus agrees, relieved when he notices they've arrived at the Potions classroom. He hurries over to his seat beside Josephine Bletchley, feeling Peter's eyes on him as he takes his usual seat behind Remus and next to Kingsley. Astro and Benji sit at the table in front of him, so Remus usually gets trapped passing messages between Benji and Peter. On the left of the room, Mary and Barty are working together. It was a terrible pairing right after their break up - Slughorn definitely heard enough about it - but once they got over their obligatory hostility towards each other, they became much friendlier. Remus does remember how they always seemed to get along well when they were together because they are relatively similar - both passionate about the things they are speaking about, and both loud.
Ever since Mary started dating Emmeline, Barty has been less petty towards her and they've actually managed to form a, slightly rocky, friendship.
His eyes wander over to the back of the classroom, where Lily and Pandora are sitting, giggling over something Pandora has scribbled down onto her parchment. Then, at the table next to theirs, James sits with Scarlett Stark, looking grumpy already. He never has liked her very much, Remus has no idea why. As far as he is concerned, Scarlett has never done anything to James.
Remus doesn't mind his partner, she's one of the more quiet Slytherins, which is always a good thing. Josephine is quite brilliant at Potions, he might even go so far as to say she's as good as James when it comes to the subject. She has a couple of older brothers who are both in the Potions business, so it makes sense that she is familiar with the subject. They usually work in amiable silence, only conversing when it's necessary or to say hello at the beginning of each lesson.
Today, they are making a blood-replenishing potion that Remus is well-versed with thanks to the several times he has had to take them after some particularly brutal full moons. Josephine seems to know a thing or two about them, too, as she doesn't have much trouble handling the foundation stage of the potion whilst Remus works on crushing a few mandrake leaves into mulch.
He pours the squished leaves into the cauldron and waits for them to stew. Josephine is now measuring out the specific amount of crushed unicorn horn they will need, so Remus doesn't have anything to do but wait. He sits back down on his stool and glances up at the clock where it says they have thirty minutes left until the end of the lesson. Remus always likes to reserve five minutes at the end of the lesson to scourgify the cauldron and put the rest of the ingredients away.
"Careful with that!"
"I know what I'm doing, Potter."
"Clearly, you don't because if you did you would know that you were about to curdle the bloody potion!"
Remus turns in his seat and stares with wide eyes at James and Scarlett, who now have the attention of most of the class. James is holding a vial of what looks to be iron high above his head where Scarlett can't reach it. He's glaring at the girl, who has her arms crossed and looks just as pissed off.
"Why don't you stop making a fool of yourself in front of the whole class and just hand me the iron?" Scarlett says in a much lower tone than the one she had used before. She holds her hand out, but James doesn't give in. He barely spares a glance to the rest of the classroom, who are all definitely watching the two now. He tucks the vial into the back pocket of his trousers and pulls his shoulders back in a very pompous way that is out of character for James.
"You're the fool who was about to sabotage my potion," he retorts in a more levelled voice.
"Our potion, Potter, and I was not trying to sabotage it, you imbecile," Scarlett snaps. "Iron is the next step."
"Ah, yes, you're entirely right," James responds in a heavily sarcastic tone. "The next step would be to add the iron if we were looking to destroy our potion."
Remus watches as Slughorn bustles over, a concerned crease has formed between the old professor's bushy eyebrows. Clearly, he doesn't like watching two of his favourite students make such a fuss in his classroom.
"I thought you were supposed to be clever when it came to this subject," Scarlett scolds, eyes burning holes into James' own. "Why not just admit why you truly have such a massive problem with me?"
That takes James aback. He opens his mouth as if he's about to say some kind of comeback, but he doesn't know how to respond to that. Remus has no idea what she's on about. James has no reason to hold a grudge against her, so why would he?
Slughorn approaches the pair, blocking Remus' view of them. He turns in his seat, just as the rest of the students do, but he tunes in on the conversation using his heightened senses. Mainly, it's just Slughorn reprimanding the two of them for acting childishly and for interrupting the class. Then, James starts apologising profusely, which Slughorn accepts because he's a weak man who can't stay mad at his favourite students for long. James and Scarlett both get detention - James' will be later today polishing trophies, whilst Scarlett's will be tomorrow morning cleaning out cauldrons.
When Slughorn returns to the front of the classroom, Remus turns to look at James and finds him slumped in his chair with his face in his hands. Scarlett is watching him with a timid expression. She opens her mouth as if to say something but then decides to lightly tap James on the shoulder instead. James looks up at her over his hands and Scarlett asks him what the next step actually is, which has James explaining it to her whilst looking bashful. He's likely embarrassed that he attracted everyone's attention.
The rest of the lesson passes without any more drama, much to Slughorn's obvious relief. Remus and Peter meet up with James in the corridor after class.
"What was all that about?" Peter asks James as soon as he's close enough to hear him. The three of them start walking through the corridor side-by-side.
"You got a detention?" Remus questions, raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah, after seventh period," James mumbles, looking down at his hands where he's picking at his cuticles.
"What happened-" Peter begins, but James cuts him off.
"Look, I don't really want to talk about it," he says dismissively, finally meeting their eyes. He forces a smile onto his face, one Remus can easily see through and decipher as fake. "You're both coming to the Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff Quidditch match tomorrow, right? Astro's playing."
"Yeah, I promised Benji I'd go," Peter says.
"I'm sure you'll all force me to go, so I guess I'm coming, too," Remus nods.
Saturday - 22nd March, 1975
"Wait, I thought Hufflepuff were out?" Remus asks as he takes his seat between Sirius and Kingsley in the Ravenclaw stands. He tries his best to sit as far from Sirius as he can without it being obvious, but Kingsley asks him to shuffle up a bit so Xeno can fit on the bench, which means Remus has to sit with his thigh pressed up against Sirius'.
It's the first time Remus has seen Sirius without Jess by his side outside of the dormitory in ages. Jess is sitting higher up in the Ravenclaw stands with his friends, cheering for their friend Gracie who is also on the team.
Sirius turns to him and makes a noise of disapproval. "Why would Hufflepuff be out?"
"Because they lost their match against Slytherin last month, didn't they?" He turns it into a question, just in case he's gotten that wrong. It's likely - he doesn't really pay attention to Quidditch unless James and Sirius are playing. Oh no... Remus is going to have to watch Sirius on a broom next month during Gryffindor's scheduled match against Slytherin.
"Yes, but they aren't out yet. This game will determine which team stays and which team goes for the rest of the year," Sirius explains. "Oh, look, they're starting!"
Remus doesn't pay attention to the match, and not because he doesn't like Quidditch. He truly did try his very best to focus on the game, but his concentration was stolen by Sirius. Remus is getting very tired of this whole crushing on his best friend business. It is very tiring having to avoid touching him at all possible costs. And then, when they do inevitably make contact with each other, he has to try his best not to viscerally react to it. His body has been tingling ever since the match started and he just knows his entire face and neck are dyed pink. If anyone asks, he'll blame it on the warmer weather that has started to spread ever since March drew in.
Ravenclaw wins. The only reason Remus knows this is because the entirety of the Ravenclaw stands jumps up in celebration and Remus is pulled up with them. Sirius clutches onto his arm with both hands and starts shaking him about as he howls excitedly. His eyes are lit up, small spots of blue breaking through a cloud of grey, just like the sky today. He's smiling and he's directing it at Remus and Remus' brain starts to malfunction just a little bit. It scares him how intense this crush has become in such a small period of time. That's the Sirius Tonks effect, he supposes. Sirius never does anything halfway, nothing subtle either, he goes all in and he does it loudly so that everybody is aware. That's what it's like to fancy Sirius Tonks and Remus hates it.
The party kicks of just like all of the others do, with Remus attempting to get inordinately pissed as soon as humanely possible without also succumbing to the horrid urge to throw up. He gets about five drinks in before he notices that Lily isn't drinking Diet Coke like she usually tends to do when they have had parties in the past. He watches as she clutches the Firewhisky bottle closest to her and pours rather a lot of it into her cup.
Frowning, he makes his way over to her and clears his throat just as she is lifting the cup to he lips. She chokes on her swallow and glances up at him with wide, innocent eyes.
"Remus," she smiles.
"Lily," he returns, sending a quick glance down at her cup before looking back up at her face. She's wearing a long-sleeved green crop-top with light green swirls on, and a pair of denim flared trousers, an outfit that compliments her eyes the most. "You look nice. What are you drinking?"
"Nothing," Lily lowers her cup and puts her hand over it as if Remus doesn't already know exactly what it is she's drinking. He doesn't know why she is trying to hide it anyway, it isn't like Remus is going to judge her for drinking. He would be a massive hypocrite if he did so.
"Lily Josephine Evans, let me see your cup," Remus says in a stern voice.
Scoffing, Lily mutters, "Alright, McGonagall," and holds her cup out to him. He looks down at it's contents and then back up at her. "Fine, I'm drinking alcohol! There's nothing wrong with it, I can do it. Goodness knows everyone else in this room is."
"And what has led you to such sinful coping mechanisms, Trixie?"
"Oh, I hate that that's catching on," she groans. "Today, I found out that Sev was the one who... actually, before I tell you, promise not to tell anyone else."
"Before I make that promise, is this something I have the right to know either way?" Remus asks, narrowing his eyes in a way that is supposed to be intimidating, but he's already feeling tipsy, so he probably just looks ridiculous.
Lily lets out a noise of frustration. "Why did you have to go and ask me that? Yes, it's something you have the right to know. Can you promise not to tell anyone anyway?"
"A secret about Snape?" Remus snorts. "As if. Spill it, Trixie."
Lily sends him the evils before sighing. "Sev was the one who created that spell Alecto Carrow used against you in Defence last year."
Remus frowns as he searches his mind for what Lily could be referring to. Then, it hits him and he subconsciously scratches his bicep right where Alecto peeled the skin right off his arm last year when they were supposed to be duelling using spells they learnt from their professor. He remembers how he'd had to go to visit Poppy in the infirmary, how Sirius was the one who took him there and then held his hand afterwards whilst Poppy was healing him up. Remus had pulled his hand away after, he remembers how he had felt stung, though he never was sure why. Now, he knows.
How long was he blind to his feelings for?
"Since when could Snape create spells?" He asks, ignoring the thoughts swirling in his mind about Sirius.
"I don't know," Lily admits, looking troubled. "I had no idea he could. The only reason I know now is because I noticed a few scribbled down in the margins of his Potions textbook when we were studying together in the library earlier today. When I confronted him about it, he told me he only created them because he felt he needed to defend himself sometimes, but those spells weren't defensive... they were caused to create pain. I mean, look at what it did to you!"
"Wait, so you're drinking because you found out Snape creates death spells?"
"Sort of, but also no. I wanted to actually have fun tonight because it's yours and James' birthdays, but I didn't think I would be able to stop thinking about Snape all night. So," she raises her cup in salute before taking a swig of it. Her nose crinkles as she swallows. "It is quite nasty, isn't it? Not as sour as I thought it would be though."
"Alright, here's a deal. No more Snape talk until the holidays, yeah?" Remus suggests, bending slightly to better meet Lily's gaze.
"Yes, okay," Lily nods agreeably. "Let's have some fun, birthday boy. Where's Mary? She always knows how to get into a good mood."
"This way," Remus chuckles, taking Lily's hand and leading her toward the throngs of people gathered in the centre of the common room. Mary is dancing with Emmeline, who has brought a few of her Hufflepuff friends with her - Amelia Bones is sitting in an armchair with Bradley Harvetz, and Edgar Bones is talking to Peter and Benji not too far away. Lily spots Pandora only a couple of feet behind Mary and calls out her name. Pandora turns and grins as soon as she sets eyes on Lily, instantly making her way over to the two of them.
"There you are, beautiful," Pandora greets her, pulling Lily into a fierce hug. Remus doesn't miss the way Lily's cheeks light up at the pet name. Pandora grins up at Remus, her blue eyes dazzle mischievously like she knows all of his secrets from merely one look. "Remus, hello!"
"Hi, Pandora, are you enjoying the party?"
"Oh, yes, it's just lovely. Happy late Birthday," Pandora says. "I got you something."
"Really?" Remus questions, not having expected that. Pandora is very sweet and he has talked to her a few times in the past, but they aren't extremely close, not enough to exchange birthday presents. Remus only knows her birthday is sometime in February because Lily mentioned it so much last month. Now he feels bad that he didn't get her anything.
"Of course, here you go." She passes him a lumpy package and Remus spares Lily a brief, questioning glance before he rips it open.
"Socks," he says, staring down at a pair of crochet socks which are mostly brown, but right at the top there's an array of colours that mix together like a rainbow.
"I made them myself," Pandora grins, practically bouncing on the spot as she waits for his reaction.
"You made them?" The corner of his lip quirks up into a surprised smile. "They're wonderful."
"Thank you."
"You should probably take them upstairs otherwise they'll end up covered in alcohol," Lily suggests.
"You're right," Remus says before downing the rest of his drink, feeling as it rushes straight to his head. "I'll be back in a minute."
"Have fun," Pandora calls after him like he isn't going to put some socks in a drawer. He isn't sure what's so fun about that, so maybe Pandora is just drunk already.
By the time he makes it up the stairs, his head has begun to feel light and fuzzy, sort of like someone has just stuffed it to the brim with cotton balls. He giggles as he almost falls through the dormitory door because, even though he's been drinking at parties for a year and a half now, he's still such a lightweight.
He stumbles over to his part of the dorm and puts his new socks away in the drawer beside his bed. With his other hand, he places his empty cup on his bedside table and just sits in silence for a second. He can hear Magic playing in the common room and something fond entwines itself around his heart at the memory of dancing to this very song with Sirius. It's been so long since they did that, ever since Sirius started seeing Jess. Remus misses his friend.
The fondness soon turns into longing and so he decides to go to the bathroom to splash some water on his face and clear his head. However, as he approaches the bathroom, he realises the light is already on. Blinking, Remus slowly looks through the bathroom door, praying to any gods that may be out there that he isn't about to walk in on Sirius and Jess snogging. Luckily, it isn't Sirius or Jess, but it is James.
Remus hasn't seen him since the beginning of the night when James went off with Sirius, a drink in his hand and a faraway look in his eyes. He has that expression on now as he stares up at the ceiling of their bathroom. Remus looks up too but doesn't notice anything that catches his interest, so he has no idea what James is looking for up there. He's lying in the bathtub, legs bent at the knees because he is far too big to properly lay down in the tub now after all the growth spurts he's had. His head is resting back against the rim of the tub, his hair ruffles the tiles.
"James?"
"Shit! Remus, when did you get there?" James asks, his words blur together slightly, which tells Remus that James must be just as drunk as he is.
"Not long ago," Remus shrugs, walking into the bathroom. "What are you looking at?" He glances back up at the ceiling, wondering if he'll understand what James is looking for now that he's closer.
"Nothing in particular, just thinking," James mumbles.
"Oh," Remus blinks and brings his eyes back down to James. He feels ridiculously tall standing whilst James is laying down, so, not pausing to think about why this idea might be a bit absurd, he starts crawling into the bath, too. The only problem is, there's no room for him to sit in his usual spot because James' legs and feet are in the way, so, instead, he just slumps down on top of James. He folds his arms beneath his chin, resting them on James' chest, and gazes up at his friend.
"Hello," James laughs.
"Hi," Remus laughs back.
"Why aren't you downstairs with everyone else?"
"I was, but then I noticed you were here and I didn't want you to be alone at your own birthday party," Remus explains.
"It's your birthday party, too, Remus. People will be looking for you," James says, looking down at him with those big, brown eyes of his.
"Nah, they'll probably think I came up here for a kip," Remus waves him off. "What are you doing up here anyway?"
"I'm not really in the mood for celebrating," James replies honestly, sighing. "Besides, I can still hear the music from all the way up here. It's quieter, more soothing."
"Even when Sirius has Queen on?" Remus snorts.
"Even then," James chuckles, causing Remus to stir slightly. "Like right now, Come Together is playing. If I was in the common room, I'd be half-deaf with how loud it is, but because I'm here I can actually focus on the lyrics."
"It's still loud for me," Remus whispers, lifting his head up from his hands so his eyes are level with James'. "Werewolf hearing."
"Perhaps if we were out on the Quidditch pitch it would be quiet enough for you," James comments, amusement dances in the pools of his eyes.
"Maybe," Remus agrees. "Although, with the volume Sirius keeps it at, maybe not even then."
James' grin turns into a dopey smile as he starts to whisper the lyrics and bop his head to the song. "Come together, right now... Over me..."
"Shoot me - Right! Come, come, come, come, come," Remus joins in. Together, they sing the song in a shared whisper, bopping along to the melody. James' arms move to wrap around Remus' torso until he's trapped in a comforting embrace.
"Come together, yeah... Come together," they both whisper at the same time as the song comes to a halt. Remus blinks and realises that at some point during the song, he'd leant closer to James, so much so that they are now less than an inch apart. James' breath, something like mint and cheap Firewhisky, feels warm as it blows against his lips.
He doesn't know which of them moves forward first or if it's something they do simultaneously. He and James have always been on the same page, they've always found it easy to share the vulnerable moments with each other, much more so than they tend to do with others. Remus remembers the first time they spoke in this bathroom, it was during first year when James was still heavily grieving Harry. Remus had cleaned up after him and then sat down beside him and just listened. That's all it took to earn James' trust, really, and Remus offered his in return. Their friendship began in this bathroom, the foundation of it was built in this very bathtub, and now they're sharing another moment of vulnerability inside of it, so unlike and alien to the other times, but still similar.
Remus has never kissed a boy before and he's tried his best not to think about it because whenever his mind has dared to even touch the thought, it's always summoned an image of Sirius. So, he'd banish it before it ever got a chance to fully formulate.
It's similar to kissing a girl, the logistics are all the same, but there are a few differences. For example, Remus can feel James' stubble under his own lip and he doesn't entirely mind it. It tickles but not in an uncomfortable way that makes him want to squirm away, it's something that makes him lean in to feel it again. Then, there's James' hair, which falls between Remus' fingers as he cups the boy's cheeks, pulling him closer. James' firm hands clench around Remus' jumper, slightly pulling the fabric up as he struggles to bring him closer.
Remus doesn't think James has ever kissed anyone before, not unless he counts the peck he shared with Lily back in second year. Remus had been a witness to that and never did he think he would be on the receiving end of one of James Potter's kisses. This isn't just a kiss though, not with the way their lips continue to desperately overlap each other. It's sloppy and intense, exactly as you'd expect a drunken kiss shared with a best friend to be.
James makes a gasping sound and Remus takes that as an opportunity to introduce his tongue into the equation. Even though he's never done this before, James offers just as much as he gets and he does it well. Remus learns that James Potter is not only amazing at Quidditch, incredibly talented academically, but that he is also an excellent kisser.
Something in the back of his head is yelling out expletives because he's snogging his best friend in a bathtub right now, whilst also harbouring a silent crush for one of his other best friends, as well as still being in love with his ex-girlfriend. He decides to shove the voice in his head back into the depths of his mind because he really does not want to deal with that right now.
So, he continues to kiss James, something he never thought he would find himself doing.
***
Saturday - 22nd March, 1975
James
James is kissing Remus. Merlin, he can't believe he just said that and meant it. The only other person he's kissed before was Lily and it had been nothing like this. It had been tentative and brief, just a quick brush of the lips. This is anything but that. James didn't know kissing could be like this, so forceful yet still enjoyable. His first thought had been Wow, this is wet, which probably sounds disgusting and he thinks he would have been put off kissing forever had someone told him that before he experienced it for himself, but somehow it doesn't repel him.
The part that really jolts him back into reality is when Remus presses his tongue into James' mouth. He's seen people kiss this way before, but he had never understood how it would work. Apparently, whilst you're actively kissing someone, the logistics don't actually matter. James is following his instincts, moving when he thinks he should, and putting his tongue where he assumes it should go.
Shit, he's kissing Remus.
James really needs to cease overstepping boundaries when it comes to his friends. First, there was Harry, who James is still in love with (at least, he thinks he is). Then, he kissed Lily back in second year under some enchanted mistletoe. Now, he's kissing another one of his friends, and it's Remus. Someone he relies on so very much and can't bear to lose.
Then, there's... Oh, he might as well just admit it to himself.
Then, there's Regulus.
It had been a relatively new revelation when it struck him on Valentine's Day that he has a very strong, very painful, crush on Regulus. He really didn't see that one coming, which sounds ridiculous now that he says it because Regulus is so very much like Harry. It's all because of that stupid prank they pulled, they should have just left themselves out of it. But no, they just had to include themselves, and sure enough, as soon as James' eyes wandered over to Regulus, his hands were forced together.
He should stop making a habit of falling for his friends. It only gets him hurt.
Plus, it's Regulus.
Oh, Merlin, it's Regulus.
James knew - in the very back of his mind, he knew. He just chose to ignore it for so long that he could almost convince himself it wasn't true, but ever since that incident with the Wit-Sharpening Potion, it's been pretty obvious. James is such an idiot for not accepting it before. A part of his brain was likely protecting himself from more hurt after what happened with Harry. He thinks about all of the interactions he's shared with Regulus, times they got too close, and times James felt the urge to pull him closer, bury the boy in his arms. Times he just wanted to touch him and somehow get more of him.
There was the Halloween party. James recalls feeling enormously disappointed when Lily interrupted their moment on the stairs. At the time, he couldn't place his finger on the why, but now he's viewing it with a fresh set of eyes and- Merlin, were they going to kiss? Surely not. Regulus would never let James do that, he must have just been drunk and thought James was leaning in for a hug or something. Regulus is with Scarlett and it's obvious how fond they are of each other.
That's another thing that makes sense now. James' dislike for Scarlett. He's been jealous the whole time. He has absolutely no right to be jealous because Regulus isn't his, will never be his, and can never be. He wouldn't want to be either, James reminds himself. Regulus is very much straight - he didn't even know what homosexuality was until James explained it to him.
And now, James is kissing Remus and he wishes so desperately for it to be Regulus, which makes him a terrible person. Not only is that rude to Remus and disrespectful to Scarlett, but it also feels like a violation against Regulus.
James knows now that he always falls for people's souls, for their personality, and the very person that they are. He thinks it could have been Remus for him, had he known Remus liked boys, because James wasn't aware he did, but now it will be pretty hard for him to deny with his tongue down James' throat. I could fall in love with you so easily, he chants in his head, because it's true. Falling for Remus would be so easy, but James would never let himself do that because Remus is far too important to him. Not that Regulus isn't, but that's also the other problem. James couldn't fall for Remus, not whilst he's already fallen for Regulus.
His head is a jumble of confusion, shame and desperation.
Remus pulls away and stares up at him with wide, brown eyes, his lips are slick with spit and red-rimmed. James is certain he doesn't look any better, his hair must be a mess because Remus' fingers were running through it only a moment ago.
They simply stare at each other and James, like the coward he is, waits for Remus to speak first. He's scared, terrified he's just spoiled their friendship. What if Remus hates him for forcing him into it? James can't remember who initiated the kiss, but it was probably him, right? Remus is always so clever and this seems like too stupid of a decision for him to have made it.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry," Remus pushes away from him, scrambling to the other side of the bathtub. He must accidentally hit his back against the taps because a moment later he's wincing away from his side of the tub and rubbing his back with his hand.
"You're sorry?" James asks incredulously, moving to accommodate Remus. He brings his knees up to his chest and hugs his legs. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you- I know you don't like boys and you're still not over Marie. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that, Remus. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, you idiot," Remus chuckles, wiping his lips dry with the back of his hand. "I kissed you as much as you kissed me. You should know that, considering the fact that you were there."
"Why would you kiss me?" James blinks, feeling very confused.
"I think I did it because I wanted to know what it would be like," Remus whispers, ducking his head low like he's ashamed to admit that out loud. "I wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss a boy."
"Why?"
Slowly, Remus' eyes meet James' again and this time they are covered in a layer of tears that makes James want to pull him back over here for a hug. Remus looks scared and James knows exactly what that feels like, especially when it comes to this sort of thing. Not knowing who you like, or why you like them.
"You remember the prank we pulled on Valentine's Day?" Remus asks, blinking away the tears in his eyes as he visibly collects himself.
Vividly, James thinks.
"Yeah..."
"As you know, I triggered it because I like someone. I didn't even know that I did like someone else, not until then," Remus rushes to explain, as if James is going to judge him. He could never. "I think I've liked them for a while, I just had no idea because... because they're a boy," Remus discloses in a voice so quiet, James almost doesn't catch it.
"That's okay, Remus," James is quick to reassure him. "Sometimes we fall for people we're not supposed to." James thinks about Regulus and how he was never meant to like him, but he does and now he isn't sure he can stop.
"It's not just that they're a boy, James," Remus continues and shame bleeds into his expression. James makes a split-second decision to slide forwards and take Remus' hand in his. It's something Remus has done for him a million times in the past, something James is honoured to be able to do for Remus now, should he need it.
"Only say as much as you're comfortable with," James says, squeezing Remus' hand.
"James, it's Sirius."
James' eyes widen in surprise and he almost drops Remus' hand. Remus likes Sirius? How long has he liked him for? Oh, it makes so much sense now why Remus isn't particularly fond of Jess.
He remembers how at the end of last year, he thought Sirius might like Remus, but then he got with Jess, so James dropped the thought. To this day, he doesn't know if Sirius ever did actually like Remus or not. James knows he liked someone, because he admitted it to him and Lily once when he was drunk. He never did figure out who it was.
Remus looks just as shocked at his confession as James feels.
"Say something," he says desperately.
"Remus... Sirius is with Jess," James winces as the words tumble out of his mouth. He doesn't want to hurt Remus, but he also doesn't want to give him any false hope. Sirius is with Jess now and they are really happy together, they both deserve it, too. James decides to change the subject, knowing Remus likely doesn't want to talk about Jess right now. "How long?"
Remus meets his eyes briefly before dropping them back to his lap. "...A while, I think. Maybe since last year."
"Oh," James mutters. That means Remus liked Sirius when he fancied Marie, and when he was with Marie. He wonders if this had anything to do with their break-up. Remus did say he didn't know for sure until Valentine's Day, but that doesn't mean he couldn't have had an inkling about it.
"Yeah," Remus releases a bitter laugh. "Oh."
"I'm sorry, Remus," James says, not knowing what else he should say in this situation. He never expected for this to happen. Only five minutes ago, he and Remus were snogging, and now here they are, sitting in the bathtub they've been in multiple times in the past, and Remus is telling him he fancies Sirius.
He's handling all of this new information surprisingly well, he thinks.
"It's not your fault, James," Remus smiles sadly at him. "I don't think Sirius would ever look at me like that anyway, even if he wasn't head over heels for Jess."
"Tell you what," James says as he stands, dragging Remus up with him, "we are going to go back downstairs and enjoy the rest of our birthday party together. I won't leave your side for a minute, not even if you beg me to go away."
Smiling, Remus pulls him into a tight hug and whispers, "Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me," James replies softly.
"Still... thanks," Remus mumbles as he releases him. Then, smirking, "You're a pretty good kisser, by the way."
"Am I?" James grins.
"Yes and I definitely like boys, too," Remus sighs, but he doesn't seem to be upset by the confirmation.
"About time you joined the club. Now, we just have to wrangle Frank into it," James chuckles.
Sunday - 23rd March, 1975
Today is the first day of the Easter holidays and James spends it hanging out with his friends, those who didn't leave already. James, Sirius, Lily and Peter all decided to stay for the moon, which will fall on James' birthday. Azalia is the only other Gryffindor in their year group who stays, too.
James didn't get the chance to go to the Astronomy tower last night what with the party dragging through to the early hours of the morning. By the time he woke up the next day, Frank was gone and it was well past eleven o'clock, which means he missed getting to say goodbye to the rest of his friends.
He hasn't been going to the tower every single night, not since Valentine's Day, and whenever he does show up, he sits in silence until Regulus draws him into a conversation. James doesn't know how to act around him, not anymore, not since he figured out what his feelings truly meant. Regulus is always beautiful, but especially under the starlight. He shines just as bright as his namesake and James wishes he could tell him that without it sounding too weird.
It's been a couple of days since James actually spoke to Regulus and he already misses him more than he thinks he should.
That night, James tucks himself into bed and, because it's his week with the map, he spends an hour or so watching it. It always tires his eyes when he does and he doesn't feel very tired right now because he didn't wake up until midday. He watches as a group of second-year Ravenclaws - he recognises them from their sorting the previous year - escape their common room and sneak down to the kitchens. He smiles like a proud older brother, glad it isn't just him and his friends who sneak around the castle at night. He keeps an eye out for Filch, but he's prowling around the sixth-floor corridor, so he doesn't think the young Ravenclaws have anything to worry about for now.
His eyes catch on the infirmary where McGonagall is standing next to Madam Pomfrey in her office. There's a third-year Slytherin occupying one of the infirmary's beds - Mika Partridge. James remembers her from her sorting a few years ago, he and Remus both guessed she would be in Slytherin, whilst Sirius assumed she would be a Gryffindor.
Dumbledore is pacing his office, just as he always is whenever James checks the map at night. James heard rumours from Fabian and Gideon last week that Dumbledore was a part of the war effort, fighting against the most recent attacks against Muggles and Muggleborns. He had asked the twins if they would be signing up to help, and both had instantly agreed they would be. James still can't believe they won't be at Hogwarts next year, he can't imagine the castle without them.
When he gets bored of staring down at the motionless map (the Ravenclaws have long since returned to their dormitory, and even Filch is in bed now), he sighs and goes to place it in the top drawer of his dresser. The notebook Regulus gave him stares up at him and he notices that the little squiggles around the sun are stationary, so he grabs it and closes the drawer once he's put the map inside.
He opens the notebook and finds a small message written inside the previously empty page. It must have been written recently because the ink still looks partially wet.
I don't even know why I came home, I haven't
seen my parents once since I returned. If I stayed, I could
have been at Hogwarts for your birthday.
Are you okay? I feel like I haven't seen you in I
feel like we haven't spoken for a while
You haven't been at the tower recently.
James is relieved to hear Regulus is okay and that he hasn't had the displeasure of seeing his mother yet since his return home. He fetches his quill and inkwell from the schoolbag sitting on his trunk and starts scribbling out a response.
I'm glad you're doing okay. I doubt I would
have had the chance to meet you at the tower
on my birthday, so don't feel too bad about
missing it. There's always time once you come
back to school.
I'm okay, I've just had a lot going on with
my friends over the last few weeks. Sorry,
I'll definitely come to the tower more next
half-term. I can't believe we're nearly fifth-
years. It feels like only last week you were
shunning me in the corridors.
To his surprise, it only takes Regulus a couple of minutes before he's writing a response. James wonders if Regulus had been waiting for a reply, watching James' writing take shape across the page. It makes his stomach swoop just thinking about it.
Scarlett and her parents are coming over
in a few days for dinner, so I won't spend
the entire break on my own, thank Merlin.
I suppose you're right, there is always time
when I return. I got you a present but you
can't have it now until I come back.
You don't need to apologise, I understand
you're busy. What do you mean 'we're
nearly fifth-years'? No, we're not. You're
being delusional, Sunshine. (I am definitely
in denial, but can you blame me? We're
getting old.)
James laughs out loud as he dips his quill into his inkwell before starting on what he is about to say next.
I'm happy you won't be alone for the
whole two weeks away. Also, YOU GOT
ME A PRESENT?!!!! I must know what it
is immediately. Tell me. Please ☹
You are absolutely in denial and you
sound like Sirius Sorry, I didn't mean that.
I know you don't like him, but you do
sound a bit like him when you act
dramatically. We are not getting old! Don't
say things like that to me.
(Also... Sunshine?)
He waits patiently (that's a lie, he is actually very impatient) for Regulus' reply.
I'm not telling you what your present is,
idiot. Your use of punctuation is atrocious,
I hope you know, and is that a frowny face?
Baby.
Never say I sound like him again or I'll
push you off the Astronomy tower. Fine,
fine, we are not getting old. (You are though,
you're nearly fifteen.) 'Sunshine' sounds so
much better than just 'Sun'.
James' stomach fills with butterflies. He doesn't mind if Regulus calls him Sunshine, he doesn't mind at all.
Yes, that was a frowny face, and here
are a few more because you insulted my
punctuation AND you won't tell me what
my present is. ☹☹☹☹
Is that a death threat I hear? (Imagine
me tutting right now.) (Also, don't say
I 'm getting old. Fifteen is not old!) I like
the nickname. What about you? Is 'Star'
too boring? 'Starlight' is quite nice.
Again, Regulus answers him back almost instantly.
I'm not going to dignify that first paragraph
with an answer.
It is a death threat (but I meant it in
a nice way?). You ARE old. 'Starlight' is fine.
James has to physically restrain himself from kicking his legs giddily under his duvet. Oh, he's missed this, their banter. It's been so long since they've spoken. Well, it's been about three days, but that feels like forever ago.
Before James can write anything back, Regulus sends him another message.
I have to go now. I've got to be up early
tomorrow for Narcissa's anniversary party.
James writes back.
Okay, Starlight. I hope you manage to
have fun tomorrow. Say hello to Narcissa
and Nicholas for me.
Regulus' answer is instant.
Goodnight, Sunshine. I'll let them both
know you said hello. (Also, we call him
Nico now.)
Nico! I like it. Goodnight, Starlight.
James tucks the notebook away in his drawer and finds himself smiling as he drifts off to sleep.
Thursday - 27th March, 1975
On the morning of his fifteenth birthday, James is awoken by Peter and Sirius both piling on top of him. Remus waves tiredly from his bed, putting in the effort because it's James' birthday, but also struggling because tonight is the moon. James smiles at him in appreciation and jokingly blows him a kiss, which makes Remus blush and bury his head under his blanket, whilst James cackles and Sirius and Peter stare at the two of them in confusion.
At breakfast, a house-elf brings him a cake that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRONGS in bright-red icing. It was a name Remus came up with the day before when he was using a two-pronged fork to cut the beef for their dinner. He made a comment about how the prongs reminded him of James' antlers and Sirius clicked his fingers and pointed at Remus as if he had just had the best idea ever.
Once breakfast is over, Remus tells them he's feeling a bit dizzy, so he goes to have a nap and Sirius goes with him, saying he doesn't want to leave him on his own this close to the moon in case he has a seizure. James, Lily and Peter go up to Godric's room and spend the rest of the morning and a bit of the afternoon lazing around. Lily shows them a couple of songs she's learnt on her guitar, both of which sound absolutely wonderful. They spend almost an hour playing hide-and-seek (with Peter turning into a rat, whilst James and Lily have to try and find him). Then, James spends an hour trying to teach Peter the Accio charm they've been learning for class, while Lily sits on the couch and continues to practice more songs on her guitar.
"I feel like we always neglect Godric's book collection," James states as he examines the shelves connected to the stairs, his hands on his hips. "For all we know, he could have answers to exam questions down here."
"I doubt it," Lily says, moving over to stand beside him. "Godric died a thousand years ago and magic has evolved plenty throughout those centuries. I won't be surprised if half of these book are outdated."
"Half of these books are written by Godric himself and contain answers to questions Wizards and Witches having been searching for for years," James argues as he plucks a book off the shelf and passes it to Lily.
"Seven ways to survive the killing curse," Lily reads aloud. "James, that's ridiculous. Everyone knows you can't survive that."
"Are you sure about that? We all know the laws of magic are extremely flexible depending on intention, right? Maybe you should give it a read and see if Godric was right," James suggests. He turns back to the bookcase and picks up a second book when it catches his eye.
Facts About Occlumency and Legilimency;
The Vast Unknown
That might come in useful. He could find something in here that even Regulus doesn't know, he bets. Then, he can practice it and show the other boy to impress him. In a friend way. Definitely. Not in any other way. As much as they were joking about James being delusional a few nights ago, he isn't that delusional.
They take their chosen books with them and make an agreement not to share them with anyone else because not everyone knows about the hidden room, nor the contents of it, so they don't want to show off books that people have never heard of before. As far as James is concerned, these books were kept hidden for a reason. People aren't really supposed to survive death, hence why the book Lily takes with her was concealed in the secret room. Things should be discovered naturally over time, not all at once. That gives far too much power to a world that is currently crumbling, and one that is full of power-hungry fools that would take advantage of most of the knowledge contained in Godric's library.
Later when they are in the shack, they sit around in a circle, waiting for the first symptoms of Remus' transformation to kick in. Sirius has laid out his wooden dog figurine in the centre of the circle and is watching as it jumps around excitedly at all the attention it's getting.
"It's little pad feet are golden," Lily coos, petting the mini dog's head. It licks her fingertip with it's wooden tongue and then trots off towards Peter, who picks it up and takes a look at it's feet.
"Oh yeah. Are your pad feet golden, too?" Peter snickers at Sirius, who just rolls his eyes and takes his little dog back.
"I have a better question," James jumps in to say. "When you give someone a high-five, are you using your hand or your pad foot?"
"Why do you lot keep calling them pad feet?" Sirius tuts. "Just say paw."
"But pad foot is so much cuter," Remus grins teasingly.
"Oh my god!" Lily shouts, pointing her finger right in Sirius' face. "Padfoot! That's your new nickname!"
"What? But it's stupid..." Sirius frowns.
"Remus thinks it's cute," James comments. When he realises what he's just said, he bites his lips together to shut himself up. He looks up at Remus, who looks slightly panicked, and then at Peter who appears to be oblivious to Remus' panic. Lily is smirking and trying to hold in a laugh, which makes James think she might also know about Remus' little crush, even though Remus said he didn't tell anyone else. Sirius is just staring at Remus with curious eyes.
"Maybe it isn't... terrible," he mutters, still looking at Remus who has now gone slightly red in the face. "So, that would make us Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Venatrix?" He points at each of them individually as he speaks.
"Aww, we can call you Pads for short," Peter grins, reaching out to pull Sirius into a headlock before ruffling his hair.
"Get off !" Sirius giggles.
"Pads?" Lily scrunches her nose up. "If you do that in public, be prepared for Mary to start calling you Tampon." She snorts.
"I have no idea what that is," Sirius shakes his head free of Peter's arm.
"Me neither," Peter adds.
Lily's jaw drops in shock and she turns to look at James and Remus. James shrugs because he has no idea what a tampon is or why it would have anything to do with Mary.
"I know what it is," Remus says.
"What is wrong with the rest of you?" Lily scolds.
"Well, Lils, Peter and Sirius are both gay, so it isn't like they have girlfriends who use them. James is..." Remus glances at him and his expression softens "...wonderfully clueless, and I used to date a girl, so I know what they are. Plus, I'm pretty sure they're just a Muggle thing."
"Still! How have you all survived fifteen years of life without knowing what sanitary products are?"
"I'm fourteen still," Peter raises his hand.
"Aww, little baby," Sirius coos, stroking Peter's hair and getting swatted in return.
"Sanitary products? Like hand sanitiser? That's a Muggle thing, Lily," James says.
"Sanitary products are things girls use when they are on their period, James," Lily sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "My faith in the male species just declined rapidly."
"Wait, you had faith in us before?" Sirius asks with a jokingly bewildered expression.
"Remind me to educate you guys when Mary, Marlene and Alice return," Lily says. "You all need to be aware whether you ever have girlfriends or not. One day, you might have daughters- or God forbid, I stay at your house in the future and need you to retrieve me one from my bag or something."
"Okay, Evans. Period talk postponed for a week's time then," Sirius salutes her.
"Wonderful. Now, you should all change because I can feel the wolf getting closer," Remus orders, his voice sounding strained.
Sunday - 6th April, 1975
After the first dinner back, James drags Frank, Marlene, Azalia and Sirius out to the pitch for a fly around. They chase each other around on their brooms, their laughter bounces off the stands, echoing through the pitch. They only go back into the castle when the sun begins to set, which isn't until almost eight o'clock in the evening now because winter has finally given way to spring.
By the time they get back up to Gryffindor Tower, the sky is dark and the sconces on the walls of the castle have begun to glow bright amber. Azalia yells, "Bye, Tampon!" to Sirius, who flips her off now that he knows exactly what that means. The girls had explained it to them during the small pocket of time they had before dinner. James, as per usual, is in awe of girls all around the world. They go through all of that and then just... continue to live their lives like normal? He just knows that if Sirius ever had a period, he would spend his days in bed screaming at the top of his lungs.
The boys spend the first night with Frank back playing games of Exploding Snap and chess. The record Jess got Sirius for Christmas is currently spinning on Remus' turntable. Peter and Sirius pour out their stashes of sweets for them all to share, creating a massive pile in the middle of the floor. Remus snatches up almost all of the chocolate frogs and no one complains, knowing he would probably try to bite their heads off if they even attempted to take one away from him.
They go to bed before midnight because they have to be up early for classes the next morning. James waits until twelve-thirty before hurrying out of bed and rushing up to the tower. Now, whenever he leaves the dorm to go and see Regulus, he always wonders if Remus is still up. Ever since Lily told him that Remus knew about his friendship with Regulus, it's all James can think about when he sneaks out. They haven't spoken about it since and James hasn't even mentioned it around Remus because he still wants to keep Regulus a secret - his secret. He's afraid that if Sirius finds out, he'll feel betrayed and James doesn't ever want to hurt him.
When he gets to the tower, Regulus is already there. He's pacing like he's anxious, which instantly makes James anxious in turn. The last time he spoke to Regulus through the notebooks was a few days ago. Every time he wrote to him after that, he didn't get a response, which has admittedly had him a bit worried all week.
"Reg," James smiles. Regulus stops pacing and turns to face James.
"Why didn't you tell me you were the reason Scarlett got detention last term?" Regulus asks. His eyes are cold, similar to how they are whenever he looks at Peter or Sirius. James doesn't like it. He hasn't had Regulus regard him like this for ages.
"I thought she would have told you," James utters truthfully.
"Well, she didn't. I had to wait to hear it from her mother over dinner," Regulus snaps, clearly frustrated. "Look, I don't know why you hate Scarlett-"
"I don't hate her," James cuts in, but Regulus ignores him.
"-but you need to stop being so rude to her. She's- she's my betrothed and you're supposed to be my friend."
James feels a sickening pang pull at his heartstrings at the reminder of who Scarlett is to Regulus. Yes, his betrothed. The girl who will one day grow to be the woman he marries, who will have his children. They're only engaged at the moment and James is already having trouble watching.
"I am your friend, Reg," James says, feeling a bit desperate when he steps forward only for Regulus to take one step back. "I'm sorry, really I am. I promise I'll apologise to her tomorrow. I never meant to get her put in detention."
"I won't be back," Regulus speaks sternly, making James' heart drop into his stomach. "Not until you apologise to her. Bye, James."
He doesn't even stop Regulus from marching across the tower and out of the door.
Monday - 7th April, 1975
At breakfast, every Slug Club member in the school gets an invite to Slughorn's end of year dinner party. Unfortunately, there is not an option to bring dates, which means only half of their friendship group can attend. James is just glad it isn't on the final night of the year, he always likes to spend that hanging out with all of his friends. No, this is scheduled for the beginning of May, just before exams begin.
James has the first three lessons of his day with Regulus in them, which feels like some sort of torture, or a punishment sent from Salazar Slytherin himself. In Transfiguration, Regulus doesn't spare a glance his way. In Defence, he bickers quietly with Sirius, but doesn't once interact with James, not that he would anyway when Sirius is around. It still hurts. Then, in Charms, James works with Lily on the Accio charm. It was their homework to learn it independently and they've both nailed it, so Flitwick gives them five house points each. It doesn't make James feel any better, especially when Regulus continues to ignore his existence.
He has Potions next and he is determined to make it up to Scarlett. Not just because he hates having Regulus so mad at him, but also because he was acting unreasonably. Scarlett has never done anything cruel to him or his friends. The only reason James dislikes her is because she's betrothed to the boy he fancies, which is just unfair on all accounts. Scarlett never asked for James' hatred, nor did she earn it, and she doesn't really have it either. James doesn't hate her, he doesn't think he could ever hate anyone, but the disrespect he has shown her in the past is definitely undeserved.
When he arrives to Potions, Scarlett is already at their shared table, slowly unpacking her things. Her eyebrows are furrowed like she's already on focus-mode. James has noticed that about her before, she's always ready to learn, eager to in fact. She reminds him of Lily in that way.
James braces himself before he approaches her. Scarlett is easily irritated, especially by him, who she does not like for obvious reasons. He tightens his grasp on the strap of his bag and stiffly walks over to their table. When she glances up at him, he smiles at her, which is something he doesn't ever do when he sees her.
Bemused, she frowns at him.
"Potter, why do you look as if you have a rat stuck in your trousers?" She asks tonelessly, her expression blank.
James almost laughs. Now, whenever anyone brings up rats, his mind instantly jumps to Peter. He manages to tamp down his amusement, instead clearing his throat before taking his seat. He turns to her and inhales deeply. He can do this, he can apologise. He can.
"Scarlett," he begins. Good start, now maybe try saying something more than her name. The little voice in his head sounds a bit like Regulus. "I just wanted to apologise for being rude... well, all year. Also, for getting you put in detention. That wasn't my intention, you must believe me. I'm just really sorry."
She watches him indecipherably for a long moment, to the point where he begins to shuffle in his chair. When she decides he must be being sincere, she nods and a wicked smile slowly creeps across her face.
"I forgive you," Scarlett responds simply, which... well, okay then. That's great, but he sort of expected a bit more anger or, you know, any other emotion at all. She seems strangely calm. "Not that I condone that behaviour, Potter, but if I were in your position, I wouldn't act any mightier than you, poor Gryffindor."
"In my position? What do you mean?" He asks, finally taking his bag off and tucking it under the table.
"If you don't know what I'm talking about yet, then I'm not going to tell you. You will just have to figure that one out for yourself."
"Can I get a hint?" He tries.
"Have you figured out the true reason you dislike me so?" She asks primly, raising her eyebrows in a way that suggests she knows much more about him than he himself does.
Wait a minute. Does she know?
No. She couldn't.
Could she?
Attempting for casualty, he looks at her out of the corner of his eye. Her smirk turns into a grin and his head snaps back to the front of the classroom.
She knows ? And she's just... okay with it?
"Not as oblivious as I thought," she notes in a sing-song voice that James is sure is supposed to be taunting. It is.
"What do you know? And how do you know it?" He swivels on his seat to face her once more.
"I know as much as I can from simply observing," Scarlett shrugs. "You know, I don't usually get along with Gryffindors myself, but I think you and I could be friends, Potter."
"Friends?" James echoes.
"Yes. We both care for the same outcome, so I don't see why not."
"I'm very confused right now," James admits.
"Of course you are, little Gryffindor," she tuts. "Don't worry, I will let him know you apologised. If you would like, I can lay it on really thick, too."
"Did he tell you that I-"
"No," Scarlett interrupts him. She's leisurely flipping through her Potions textbook as she speaks in that all-knowing tone of hers. James is beginning to think Scarlett is all-knowing because she absolutely understands far too much.
"Then why?"
"Like I said, we want the same outcome," Scarlett explains. Her eyes jump up to his. "This will help us achieve that. Did Slughorn say we were working on Warming Potions today or Cooling Potions?"
"Cooling," James mumbles instinctively. Scarlett hums appreciatively.
They don't talk much more during the rest of the lesson. James considers what Scarlett said, even if it was all in bloody riddles. Why are Slytherins like this? Why can't they just talk like normal human beings? James' brain hurts.
After the day's classes are over, James goes to the library with Lily, Remus and Benji to study for their upcoming exams. He finds out, for the first time in four years, that Benji has reading glasses. They're square-shaped and surprisingly suit him very well. James wonders if Peter knows about them, he would surely go mental if he found out. His obsession with Benji has not ceased over the years, and vice versa.
They all head off to dinner together once they've spent a solid two hours revising charms they learnt back in September and October, and Potions ingredients they went over at the beginning of the school year. Benji sits with them at the Gryffindor table, he snuggles up to Peter, who informs James that he has seen Benji's reading glasses before when he asks him about it.
After dinner, James spends a further two hours with Lily in the library before they head back to Gryffindor Tower, where their friends are all lounged out across the chairs. Sirius, Jess and Mary are in deep discussion about some girl in Jess' year called Brielle. Peter and Remus are in an intense-looking chess match against Azalia and Alice, whilst Frank and Marlene are splayed out on an armchair together, talking about the upcoming match against Slytherin.
James squeezes in beside Mary, and Lily sits down on the carpet next to Alice and Azalia. They don't go up to their separate dormitories until Edwin informs them they have to - he's the Head Boy this year, which is a good thing when they want to throw parties because he's always agreeable to having a good time.
The boys all get ready for bed and then stay up for a bit longer just chatting between themselves. James lights the candle before bed, not necessarily because he thinks he might need it, but out of habit. Sometimes they forget to light the candle at night and he doesn't even notice, which is a new development.
James is the first to crawl into bed. He pulls his notebook out of his drawer and writes a message for Regulus into it, hoping the other boy will see it.
I'll be at the tower tonight. Will you?
Just before one o'clock hits, James crawls out of his bed and shoves his invisibility cloak on before running all the way to the Astronomy tower. He's been watching Regulus on the map for the last hour, which sounds really creepy now that he thinks about it. Unfortunately, the Slytherin hasn't moved from his bed all night, so James actually has no clue if he's coming or not. All he has now is his hope.
Regulus isn't at the tower when he gets there, which is expected because James didn't see him on his way up when he was watching the map. So, he sits down by the ledge and he waits. After fifteen minutes, he gets up to pace because he's feeling restless and needs to burn off some of the energy that's eating away at him.
He ends up leaning against the metal railing, his head hung low, facing away from the stars. If he can't look at the star he wants to, he won't look at any.
The door opens and James' head snaps up as he turns around faster than he thought was possible for him to move. His heart picks up at the sight of Regulus standing in the doorway, still in his uniform, whilst James is in his pyjamas.
"Regulus?"
"Hello, Sunshine," Regulus says and that's all it takes for James to hurry over to him, blurting out apology after apology.
"I'm so sorry, I should have never been so rude. I don't know what came over me. There is no excuse and I made sure Scarlett knew because I acted terribly. I'm sorry, Reg-"
Precipitously, Regulus cuts him off by throwing his arms around James' shoulders. James, shocked by this outcome, stands with his arms held out in the air like he isn't quite sure what to do with them. Oh, Regulus still smells like Autumn. James doesn't know how someone can smell like a season, but Regulus does. He smells like the cinnamon you'd sprinkle in a hot drink, the leaves that crackle beneath your feet, and the sharp cool that lingers in the air.
"Shut up, idiot," Regulus mumbles against James' collarbone. "This is going to get awkward very quickly if you don't hug me back, James."
"O- oh, right," James stutters, wrapping his arms around Regulus' waist. Regulus is so warm. He looks cold a lot of the time and outsiders probably think he is, but he isn't. His hugs are as warm as Moony's jumpers. Regulus isn't cold, no, he's a star that burns warm and bright.
"I didn't mean to get so mad yesterday, James," Regulus whispers. "You have to understand that she's my friend and I would have reacted that way if you were mean to any of my friends."
Friend is the only word James' mind snags on. Not typically the word used to describe one's fiancé.
"I understand," he promises because he does. If Regulus turned around and started randomly arguing with Remus for no reason, James would get annoyed, too. It's different with Sirius because he willingly participates in this childish rivalry with Regulus, it's a two-way exchange.
"I know you do," Regulus says sincerely as he begins to pull away. His arms remain around James' neck, locked there like they don't want to be anywhere else. Regulus looks up at him through his eyelashes, his eyes reflect the stars above James' head perfectly, like their very own sky. The tips of his fingers flutter across the curls at the name of James' neck, bringing goose bumps to his skin.
James swallows as he feels his heart start to pick up at the proximity. His palms, still resting on Regulus' hips, begin to sweat. A force compels him to lean forward and he tries to ignore it but it's like the universe is trying to push him with all of it's power and James isn't strong enough to fight it off.
He almost lets out a shriek when Regulus moves closer, too, and James has no idea what they're doing. He really doesn't. There's a part of his mind that surely should have some sort of clue, but his entire brain has gone blank. All he can think about is how powerfully he wants Regulus to come closer and how Regulus somehow seems to hear him because he's edging in.
Regulus looks James right in the eye and then, and then, those blue orbs drop to James' lips and the whole world stops spinning. The stars pause their burning and the moon halts it's waning. The entire universe freezes for them, giving them the brief time to stop this, to pull away while they still can, but James doesn't think either of them will.
James' eyes drop at the same time Regulus' tongue darts out of his mouth to wet his bottom lip. Their noses brush and wow, they're really close now. And he can't breathe, his oxygen is locked up in his chest, trapped there until someone bloody moves because now they're both frozen.
The moment Regulus' eyes move from James' eyes to his lips again, James impulsively moves in once more. Regulus meets him in the middle and it's so sudden, yet it feels like he's been waiting lifetimes to feel this very thing. Their lips slide together and James feels as every single cell in his body buzzes to life, they must have been dead before, there is no other explanation for it. Now, he feels so alive. He's burning and he's glowing and, for once, he truly does feel like the sun. It was never meant to happen, they were never meant to collide; one belongs in the day and the other in the night, and yet, and yet...
Regulus is softer than Remus was. His face is covered in a layer of peach fuzz and his lips are smooth and slick. James feels like he's going to whimper because he's so completely and entirely overwhelmed right now. He's kissing Regulus and Regulus is kissing him back and-
And Regulus is pulling away from him.
James' eyes open - he hadn't noticed them close, too busy feeling to care about what he was seeing - and he watches as Regulus retreats, stumbling back until he slams into a wall. His eyes are locked on James and his thumb and index finger are pinching his bottom lip. James realises what's just happened, actually processes it, and he stills with panic.
What did he do?
Regulus looks horror-struck, his eyes wide and his pupils dilated to the max. James goes to step forward, but the very moment he moves, Regulus flees. He runs to the exit of the tower and doesn't look back. He leaves James tingling and wanting and utterly hopeless because he knows he's just lost Regulus forever. Regulus gave him a second chance over a year ago and James has already ruined it, he doesn't think he'll get a third.
Notes:
- Frank <3 Also, Alice and Frank <3
- REMUS LIKES SIRIUS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE! REMUS. LIKES. SIRIUS.
- That argument between James and Scarlett was a long time coming.
- Remus is so real for freaking out about the thought of Sirius on a broom
- Snape sucks.
- I love pandalily :( "Hello, beautiful" SHDJHFDBDIJEN
- sooooo that happened. James and Remus? they're still besties, sometimes we just gotta kiss our besties. I've had that planned for ages and I genuinely giggled when I realised we finally reached the chapter with it in.
- "Wow, this is wet" just reminds me of when Harry in OOTP says his kiss with Cho was wet. Like father, like son.
- NOT A DRILL ROUND 2! JAMES LIKES REGULUS AND KNOWS IT! AHHHHH everything is happening in this chapter.
- I love how James and Remus are both just like "oh, so THAT'S why I hate Scarlett/Jess". come on, guys..
- Remus told James he likes Sirius. I know in his pov he said he wasn't going to tell anyone, but he's drunk and feeling vulnerable and it just slipped out.
- 'Sunshine' and 'Starlight' as their code names for each other is bloody adorable, okay? Also, James getting all excited about the nickname. AND this is like them texting but in the old-fashioned way.
- MOONY, WORMTAIL, PADFOOT, PRONGS AND VENATRIX!! YAY
- I love Lily trying to explain what sanitary products are to the boys - I find that so funny for some reason 😭
- Well, that Jegulus reunion was a bit disappointing. Although, to be fair, Regulus had every right to be annoyed because James does treat Scarlett unfairly.
- Scarlett Stark is a brilliant woman. I love how she's just playing games with James' mind. Also, as I've said in the past, her gaydar is immaculate, so she definitely knows about Jegulus and she totally supports it.
-JEGULUS KISSED. GOD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I'VE BEEN TO FINALLY GET HERE AHHHI hope you guys enjoyed that chapter, I certainly did. Don't hesitate to drop a comment, I love hearing your thoughts! See you in 7-10 days for the next chapter <3
Chapter 53: Fourth Year: The Line
Summary:
Evan knows far too much. Regulus thinks about a few things. End of year exams. Sirius finds out Marlene's secret. End of the year prank!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mentions past child abuse/scars
-internalised gendered stereotypes referenced
-panic attack
-a character struggles with their sexuality
-there's a fight that results in someone getting quite badly bruised
-angst
-needle/someone gets their ear piercedLet me know if I've forgotten anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
~ Goo Goo Dolls
Monday - 7th April, 1975
Regulus
There have been three times in Regulus' whole life that his world has stopped spinning on it's axis. The first time was when he was four and his mother took him to the drawing room to punish him. He'd been punished before, of course, but not like this. This time, she made sure it would hurt, it would leave scars. Mothers were supposed to love their sons, weren't they? Surely, a loving mother wouldn't do this to her child, and yet it was happening to him.
The second time was when Narcissa announced she was pregnant. It was the best news Regulus had ever received - his favourite cousin, the woman who might as well have been his sister, was having a baby with the man she loved. It was something she had always wanted, had always dreamed of, and it was finally happening.
Then, there's the third time something hit him abruptly enough that it stopped the literal ground beneath his feet from spinning, and that is now. Regulus has never put much thought into what his first kiss would be like. He's never really imagined kissing anyone at all before. Maybe that isn't normal, after all, he is a teenage boy and teenage boys think about kissing girls all the time, don't they?
Well, Regulus doesn't and he never has. Perhaps there was something wrong with him, or maybe he just wasn't at that age yet where the urge to kiss a girl kicked in. He never considered that the reason behind his aversion to kissing was actually because he didn't like girls at all.
James kisses him, or maybe Regulus kisses James. He truly couldn't tell you who moved first. His brain seems to shut off the moment their lips make contact. He is so overcome by a bout of exhilaration and just this, this, this that all he can do is feel. He doesn't question how to do this, how to kiss someone, he just... does it. James' lips press against his and it's like they've been there a thousand times before. They move familiarly, comfortably, and Regulus' heart sings because of it.
He was right, there are other universes out there, and Regulus knows he met James in every one because this kiss... this isn't their first. It can't be. There's something about it that feels like home; the touch of lip against lip is like he's opening a door to a house he's entered hundreds of times before; the gasps are like the ring of a distant voice calling out his name from elsewhere; the slight quirk of James' mouth, a smile, is like a rumble of laughter from a boy he's known in other lifetimes.
In every universe.
James' hair brushes against the sensitive pads of his fingers, so soft, so adorable in the way it curls around his knuckles when he runs his hands through it. Distantly, he can feel hands on his hips, squeezing lightly like they are trying their very best to hold onto something that is slipping away. He is always aware of it if he's being touched, it's something he loathes most of the time. However, when it's James, he's aware for an entirely different reason. Every single one of his senses is on high alert, trying to drink in every fibre of the contact between James' body and his own.
It's James' hands pulling him closer that makes something in his mind flicker to life. James' hands have never touched him there before. They've gotten very close. During their first night at the tower together, James had clutched onto Regulus' sides as if to save him from a fall that never would have happened. Now, they've slid lower, grasping at his hips, and that's why his mind zones in on it enough for him to gain some clarity. It's new and exciting and far, far too much.
He rips himself from James' grip, drags his own arms as close to himself as he can, tries to fold himself up. His chest is moving rapidly with each dry breath he inhales and each failed exhale that only succeeds in choking him. Thoughtlessly, he raises a hand to his face and pinches his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger as realisation dawns on him.
He just kissed James.
He just kissed a boy.
He just kissed his friend.
Feeling horrified, he stares up at James, who looks slightly dazed but the panic is evidently settling in. His eyes widen minutely as they land on Regulus, his lips are wet and parted like they're waiting for more contact. They look rather red. Did Regulus do that?
James' hand floats towards him and then he's stepping forward and that's all it takes for Regulus' fight or flight to kick in. As it turns out, he's a coward, because he sprints - yes, sprints, in a very undignified manner, too - from the tower. His legs carry him all the way down the spiral staircase to the ground floor of the castle. James doesn't follow him, he doesn't think. If he does, Regulus doesn't turn back, he just keeps going until he reaches the dungeons. He hurries through the Slytherin common room and rushes through the door to his dormitory.
He stops.
Regulus takes in a deep breath, but it's a big mistake. It catches in his chest and forms into a bubble, pressing against his heart and blocking the way to his lungs. He reaches up to clutch onto his chest, recognising this for what it is. He's having a panic attack. He moves towards the bathroom and drops down onto the cold floor, squeezing in between the sink and the bathtub. His mother always used to trap him in a small cupboard when he was little, a punishment for acting poorly during social gatherings. If you cannot act civilised in public, then you shall end up alone! Do you want to know what that feels like, Regulus Arcturus?
There's something almost comforting about fitting himself back into a small, dark space like that now because it's familiar. He's felt this panic before, so he knows how to deal with it, unlike the newer panic that had rattled his body only moments before.
Broken whimpers and half-formed breaths escape past his lips as he ducks his head between his knees and reaches up to dig his hands into his hair. His entire body shivers as it tries to regain control of itself. Regulus doesn't even notice as the light flickers on and the door closes, not realising he isn't alone in here anymore until Evan is kneeling right in front of him and gently calling out his name.
Evan has witnessed Regulus' panic attacks before and vice versa. Barty, too. This is something that tends to happen a lot, definitely a side-effect of their parents' terrible guardianship. There is no room for shame when it happens so frequently.
Carefully, Evan reaches up to peel Regulus' hands from his head, holding them safely in his own. Regulus raises his head and stares up at Evan with dry eyes because he never cries when he's having a panic attack. It's something he stopped doing when he was seven and it only made his mother keep him in the cupboard for longer. He trained the tears to stay where they were, to not escape.
Evan's light blue eyes come into view, worry-filled and calculating, like he's trying to figure out exactly what caused Regulus to fall into such a panic. He grips one of Regulus' hands and brings it up to his own chest so Regulus can feel the rhythm of his breathing.
"Breathe in with me... that's so good. Now, can you breath out? Well done. And in... and out. In... out..." They do this together until Regulus' breathing evens out again. He slumps against the wall behind him as he feels the air enter his lungs smoothly.
"Th- thanks," he manages.
"Don't mention it," Evan whispers. He frowns down at Regulus, not having let go of his hands yet. "Regulus, why did you just have a panic attack?"
Regulus meets his eye. There is no way he is about to admit the truth, not now, not so soon after it just happened. Maybe tomorrow when he's feeling less shaken. He won't say all of it, of course, but enough for Evan to drop the subject, because Regulus knows he won't unless he gets some sort of answer.
"Can I tell you tomorrow?" Regulus asks in a voice that sounds as rough as sandpaper.
"Of course, you can," Evan smiles reassuringly. "Are you okay to stand?"
"Mm," Regulus responds, standing with the help of his friend. Evan drops his hands immediately after and Regulus is grateful that he didn't even have to ask him to do that. He thinks he's had enough physical contact tonight to last him a lifetime.
"You haven't changed," Evan notes, staring at Regulus' uniform. Regulus looks down at himself blankly and then back up at Evan. "I'll get you some pyjamas."
"Thank you."
Once Evan has given him something to change into, he leaves so Regulus can change in privacy. When Regulus leaves the bathroom, tiptoes over to his bed, stares down at it, and frowns. He fiddles with the cuffs of his sleeves. Evan sits up in his own bed, catching Regulus' attention.
"Would you like some company?" He asks.
Regulus nods and Evan makes his way over in an instant. He gestures for Regulus to lie down first, so he does, and then Evan joins him, not touching, but close enough to act as a comfort. Regulus turns on his side and Evan mirrors him.
"Good night, Evan."
"Good night, Reggie."
He doesn't sleep a wink.
Tuesday - 8th April, 1975
Regulus floats through the next day, exhaustion clings to him, making him grumpy. At breakfast, he snaps at Dorcas and then feels terrible immediately after, but he doesn't have the energy to mutter out an apology, so he just stares down at his plate. He doesn't eat breakfast, not feeling very hungry, and he definitely doesn't look across the hall at the Gryffindor table. He thinks if he saw James right now, he would run away again.
He listens as Barty starts talking about Katie Zhang - the newest girl on he's seeing - and as Pandora informs them all that Evan's head is surrounded by Wrackspurts today. When Scarlett brings up the topic of their History of Magic homework, Regulus completely zones out.
Transfiguration is his first lesson of the day and he has to sit right in front of James. He makes sure to get there first, dragging Scarlett along with him. They sit down and Regulus doesn't turn around once to check when James enters the classroom. His shoulders stiffen when he hears the chairs behind him get pulled out from beneath the table. He lets himself get distracted by whatever it is Scarlett is talking about, and tries his absolute best not to turn around. He can feel James' eyes on him, begging him to just turn and look back, but he doesn't. He resists.
Afterwards, he has Charms, also with James. Luckily, they don't sit anywhere near each other in this lesson, so Regulus can actually focus on what they're learning. Pandora sits beside him and spends half of the lesson "cleansing his aura" because apparently it's looking "very blue today". He let's her, hoping that maybe whatever she does to it will work.
In Arithmancy, he sits between Evan and Barty. James isn't in this class, thank Salazar. However, he is still reminded of the Gryffindor anyway when he thinks back to the Arithmancy lesson he had last year - the one that predicted he would steal a lion's heart. Evan and Barty had both argued it could have had something to do with his star - the heart of the lion - but Regulus hadn't been convinced. Is this what it meant? Is James supposed to be the lion because he's a Gryffindor?
Divination is where his day becomes one thousand times worse. Their teacher informs them they will be exploring the topic of palm-reading today. Apparently, it's one of the most accurate Divination techniques for predicting the future. Regulus thought the lines on his palms were just wrinkles formed from all the years he's spent using his hands, but his professor would tell him that's an objective point of view and that he should be more open-minded, so he doesn't bother sharing his opinion aloud with anyone.
"Accuracy is key, my dears," she announces in a whimsical sort of voice. She floats around the classroom, glancing at all of their faces, frowning at some like she's already predicting their deaths or something. "These pairings will not do. Sometimes, we need a fresh set of eyes. Ah!" She raises a finger in the air. "I know what we'll do. Let's switch the pairings up."
Their professor waddles over to the blackboard at the front of the classroom that usually goes unused because she prefers "physical visual examples". Students' names begin to write themselves across the board, floating chalk scratches against the surface until every single pairing has been written out.
"You're having a laugh," Barty crows out as he examines the board. "She put me with Vance!"
"Perfect," Evan responds, smirking.
"How is that perfect?" Barty asks disbelievingly.
"You have something in common - Mary Macdonald," Evan says, making Regulus' lips curl up slightly. Barty lets out an indignant noise. "Run along, I'm sure you've both got lots to talk about."
Barty huffs and pulls himself up out of his seat, throwing a "twat" over his shoulder in Evan's direction. Evan snickers and then turns to check who he has been partnered with, Azalia Edgecombe apparently. Regulus almost screams when he finds out who his partner is supposed to be.
"Good luck, mate," Evan sends him a grimacing smile before getting up to cross the room. He passes the Gryffindor who Regulus is supposed to now tolerate for the next hour. Tonks huffs as he drops into the seat beside Regulus, he gives him a once over.
"Alright, let's get this over with," Tonks says and, for once, Regulus agrees with the boy. He would like this to end as soon as possible, please. Tonks glances down at Regulus' textbook, which is already lying open on the correct page. He makes a humming noise. "So many lines. Never mind accuracy is key," he mimics the professor's voice, causing Regulus to raise an eyebrow, "the lighting in here is so terrible, you'll be lucky if I even see your heart line."
"Just get on with it," Regulus commands, placing his hand palm-up on the table.
"Yes, sir," Tonks says mockingly, rolling his eyes before taking Regulus' hand in his own. Regulus feels the urge to rip his hand away, but he tries to remind himself that the quicker he complies, the sooner this will be over and done with. Tonks squints his eyes and leans closer as he examines Regulus' hand, turning it this way and that, and then revising the book. "Looks like your sun line is quite long, meaning you'll be well-known. Makes sense, I suppose."
Regulus makes a hmph noise because, yeah, he is well-known and has been since his birth was announced in the papers almost fifteen years ago now - the Black heir. If people truly knew what that implied, they wouldn't be celebrating. Well, not all of them. He's sure a few Sacred Twenty-Eight members would still think it something fantastic though because they have something wrong with their brains.
"Your fate line collides with your heart line, which means you'll likely be influenced by whoever you fall in love with. Stark, I suppose. Speaking of your heart line, it's very long, but it's sort of... cracked? I don't know." Tonks bites his lip and looks down at the book again. "Which means you're not very in tune with your emotions, but the ones you do have are strong. Your head line is the strongest, so you're very clever. I'm assuming you're the prank planner then."
"Surprisingly, Barty's cleverer than I am," Regulus replies evenly, and then he remembers who he's talking to and feels disgusted with himself for forgetting.
"I can actually believe that," Tonks chuckles. "Your life line is quite long, too, but it's in two halves. Your fate line looks to be separating it. So, whether you live a long or a short life depends on one major life event." He drops Regulus' hand carelessly and his knuckle bangs against the table. Regulus winces and rubs it, glaring at the boy opposite him. "Are you going to write your notes down or not?"
Clenching his jaw, trying his very best not to retort anything cruel, he really wants to, Regulus starts writing down everything Tonks observed.
Once he's finished, he grabs Tonks' hand and tugs it closer negligently. He notices the boy's life line is very long, but he decides to lie because he's in a terrible mood and the thought of Tonks going into a spiral over the idea that his perfect life won't be very long is a very entertaining thought.
"Oh, look at that, you're going to die young," Regulus notes. "And you're going to be somewhat famous for a little while, likely referencing your popularity in school, but that's it. You're smart, a long head line. Your heart line dwindles off halfway up your palm, so you're going to die alone. Oh, and your fate and life line's collide, so you're going to experience something horrible that will likely kill you." He drops the boy's hand and looks up blankly to meet his eye.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Tonks snaps, cradling his hand close to his body as if Regulus has just marred it by simply touching it. "I was trying to be civil because I don't want to fail this class, but clearly you're incapable of such a thing."
"Oh, I'm incapable," Regulus huffs out a cold laugh. "You're the one who always starts the fights between us. Not once have I initiated one of them this year."
"You always start them!"
"I do not!"
"Yes, you do!"
"You do by calling me munchkin or by pranking my friends or-"
"Well, at least I didn't almost kill one of them!" Tonks yells.
Regulus hadn't noticed his wand slipping into his hand, but it's pretty hard to ignore now that he's got it pointed directly at Sirius. How dare he bring up that? They hadn't meant to harm Longbottom, and it was over a year ago now. It was just an accident and the prank was supposed to be harmless. How were they to know one of the boys would be allergic to the plant? They had been working on them all year in Herbology!
Tonks pulls his own wand out, standing from his chair at the same time Regulus rises from his. They glare at each other, eyes narrowed, lips curled into sneers, grey eyes meeting and searing into each other's burningly. Their professor is speaking, likely telling them to stop fighting, to put their wands down, but Regulus can't hear her, not over all of the chaos circling around inside his head at the moment. Stupid Tonks for being a presumptuous little bastard. Stupid James for kissing him and messing with his thoughts. Stupid him for letting it all happen. Just stupid- stupid- stupid-
Then, a voice cuts through all the noise, slices through the haze like a well-aimed cutting charm. Soft and smooth and whetted just the right amount. James is standing between them now, arms held out, fingers spread out purposefully. His eyes are wide behind his glasses, shrouded slightly by the way his eyebrows furrow worryingly. Evan is there, too, but Regulus hardly pays attention to him. Not with James being right there. And, oh, Regulus is getting Deja vu. He's been here before, fighting with Tonks only to have James jump between them. The first time this happened was the day they had their first hug.
So much has changed since then.
James isn't looking at Sirius, his eyes are trained on Regulus, and it hurts because he doesn't even look angry at him, even though Regulus made a promise. He swore he wouldn't provoke Sirius and now he's broken that promise. James' expression is nothing but concern and guilt, like he thinks this is his fault. It isn't. Regulus can make his own decisions and he chose to start a fight.
"Please, both of you, stop," James begs and all of the fight dissipates out of Regulus. His shoulders sink and his wand lowers, he takes a deep breath in, realising he had been holding it for far too long.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," he hears Tonks say and that's all it takes really for Regulus to locate his temper again. He raises his wand and sends a hex right over James' shoulder. It hits Sirius square in the chest, making him stumble and fall on his backside. James rushes over to his friend to see if he's alright, but Sirius is quick getting up again. He throws a hex at Regulus that lands on the edge of his shoulder, catching his skin and bruising it in an instant.
"Sirius!" James reprimands, pulling his friend away properly.
"Enough!" Their professor yells, which isn't something Regulus has heard her do before. Startled into silence, he turns to look at her. "That is ten points from each of you, no fighting in my classroom! Now," she releases a slow breath and starts to speak in her usual gentle voice, "is anyone injured?"
"No," Tonks mutters, shaking himself free of James, who had a firm grasp of his elbow. "I'm fine."
"And you, Mister Black?" She turns her attention on him.
Regulus rolls his shoulders out and winces. Unfortunately, their professor catches this and orders him to go to the infirmary. She allows Evan to escort him, and so they both leave the Divination classroom.
Regulus is not going to the infirmary.
"Regulus, where are you going?" Evan asks when he carries on moving down the stairs, passing the corridor that leads to the infirmary.
"Dorm," he mumbles. "I've got a healing potion in my trunk."
"What? Why?"
"For in case," Regulus replies, meeting Evan's light blue eyes. "After what happened to Barty the Christmas before last, I always keep a stash for if any of us need it."
"Right," Evan nods.
They don't speak until they get back to the dormitory. Regulus drops his bag onto his bed and starts shedding his top, asking Evan if he could look in his trunk for the potion. He wanders into the bathroom and looks in the mirror at the ugly, purple bruise wrapping itself around his shoulder. It's his left shoulder, too, which is the arm he uses to catch the Snitch. Bloody Tonks.
"Fucking hell, what hex did he use?" Regulus watches as Evan approaches from behind him, his reflection in the mirror towering his own. His scars are free and on display, but Evan's eyes never fall to them, he just keeps looking at Regulus' bruised shoulder. "Merlin, it's halfway down your shoulder blade."
"Mm, kills too. Pass me the potion?" He holds his hand out and Evan uncorks it before handing it to him. He takes a few sips of it and then chucks the empty vial into the bin. He watches as the purple fades into a bright-yellow and grimaces.
"Want me to go and see if I can steal a pain potion from Pomfrey?" Evan offers.
Regulus shakes his head. "No, I'll be fine." He picks up his shirt from where he'd slung it over the sink and puts it back on, doing up the buttons one by one.
"Hey, we've got twenty minutes to spare," Evan notes, meeting his eye again through the mirror. "Could we talk about last night?"
Regulus finishes doing up the final button of his shirt and then grabs his tie. He turns around to face his friend. "I suppose we could."
"We don't have to."
"We don't."
"Not if you don't want to."
"Okay."
"Okay?" Evan asks.
"Okay," Regulus nods, passing him to walk into their dorm. Evan follows him all the way to his bed, Regulus sits on the edge of it and gestures for Evan to sit down, too. They sit in silence until Regulus is ready to talk. He thinks about what part to focus in on first, but what he ends up saying isn't what he expected to come out of his own mouth. "Evan, how long have you liked Barty?"
Evan tenses beside him. "Why?"
"I want to know," Regulus shrugs and then immediately regrets it when his shoulder twinges.
"...A while," he responds, averting Regulus' eyes. "I- I've known about Barty for a long time. I knew who he was before we even met."
Regulus frowns, confused, but then it dawns on him. "Pandora's dreams." Evan nods, his eyes sinking shut. "What did you see?"
"Barty... a- and me," Evan stutters out. "When we met, I already knew exactly who he was, and I knew that we... I'm not really supposed to talk about it."
"You knew that you..." Regulus pauses as he realises what Evan is saying. He's already seen his own future, and Barty's. He already knows what's going to happen between them. Well, no wonder why he's always been nervous around the boy. If Regulus knew what would happen between him and James- well, he probably would have never let it happen, he would have been too afraid. Then, it hits him. Pandora. Surely, she knows about what happened on the tower last night. She knows everything. Has she always known this would happen? Does she know what he'll do next? It was Pandora who encouraged Regulus to get closer to James in the first place. "Pandora said once that you've seen things you weren't supposed to see. Things she didn't want you to see."
"Yes," Evan says, eyes opening again.
"Were any of those things to do with me?"
Evan turns to look at him and his eyes are full of pity.
What has he seen? What does he know?
"Regulus, what happened last night?" Evan's voice is more levelled now and it sounds like a command.
"I... I kissed someone," he whispers. There's a chance Evan already knows and, even if he doesn't, Regulus needs to talk to someone about it because it's eating him alive. The only people he knows who can relate to having a crush on a boy are James apparently (who he cannot go to for obvious reasons), Sirius Tonks (no fucking thank you), and Evan.
"Your first kiss?" Evan questions carefully. Regulus nods. "Oh."
"You say you knew about Barty because you saw it happen in the future. Weren't you afraid of what you saw?" His voice is so small, so frail, because Regulus is terrified. He is so scared of what he feels and of the fact that he didn't notice it before when it's so all-consuming. He feels like he's been trapped in a burning house and he didn't realise until the smoke began to fill up his lungs, his breath getting away from him.
"I was petrified," Evan says honestly and Regulus can hear the earnestness ring through his tone. "I'm ashamed of that day. The day I found out, I mean. As soon as I saw what the future had in store for me, I ran to my father and told him and he blamed Pandora. I've never felt more sick with myself than I did when he dragged her away and- and I heard her screams. I can still hear them. He punished her for hours, said his son would never be a-" He cuts himself off, sniffing sharply. "We were only seven. It took me a few years to fully comprehend what it meant, and Pandora was always there to block out my father's discriminatory beliefs. Eventually, I just accepted that it would be my future and... I remembered how happy I'd looked in the dream. How could something that brought that much joy be a bad thing?"
"How could you just accept that about yourself though?" Regulus asks, feeling desperate.
"It isn't something I got to choose, I just... am. However, I could choose to either bury it down and remain miserable for the rest of my life or let it in, let myself experience my feelings freely. It took some time, but I'm not scared anymore." He smiles at Regulus. "You don't need to be scared, Regulus."
"I don't?"
"No," Evan reaches out a hand hesitantly, not sure if he's allowed to touch. Regulus, feeling the need to be comforted, drops his head onto Evan's shoulder. Evan's hand lands on top of Regulus' and he squeezes it gently. "So, you kissed a boy?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I mean, I don't know if I kissed him or if he kissed me," Regulus admits, feeling idiotic. Merlin, he's an imbecile. "Do you know who it was?"
"I could probably guess based on things I know about later on," Evan whispers. "Arithmancy really did guess your future then?" He chuckles quietly.
"It's not funny," Regulus whines, pressing his face into Evan's shoulder. "Merlin, what is wrong with me?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Well, not nothing," Evan snorts. "You did choose a Gryffindor."
"Believe me, I did not choose this," Regulus lets out a frustrated sigh. "Or maybe I did. See ? See what this has done to me? I don't know anything anymore!"
"It's going to be fine," Evan assures him soothingly. "If you would like some advice, I'd say give yourself some time to process everything before you make any decisions that make you uncomfortable. There isn't a time limit on these things."
"Give myself some time," he echoes. "What if he-"
"Don't think about him. Don't think about anyone else, just think about you. You're allowed to be selfish with this," Evan tells him positively. "And, believe me, he'll wait."
Saturday - 26th April, 1975
Over the next two and a half weeks, Regulus distracts himself with the upcoming Quidditch match. He tries not to remember that it's against Gryffindor, which means he'll have to be in the same vicinity as James again. He hasn't been to the tower in weeks and he hasn't spoken to James since that night. He's been doing what Evan suggested, he's been "processing". The most difficult part of it all is that he knows his role in this world, he is the only sole heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, which means he has duties to uphold and responsibilities to see through. People are expecting things from him, he will one day be the lord of his house. His mother would likely kill him if she found out he had kissed a boy. She could probably make another heir, she's in her early forties, but the Blacks have always been more fertile than most.
He's been thinking about his father's words from all those months ago, too. When he urged Regulus not to get trapped like he did. Is this what he meant? Should he follow his heart? He was told to be more subtle, too. Well, he's already hid James for this long, he's sure he could continue doing it.
But Regulus isn't sure if James would be compliant to that. Who wants to be loved in the dark? Who wants to have to hide within shadows and pretend they are less than what they truly are? James is the sun, he's bright, he isn't supposed to burn blindly, he's supposed to be seen.
Regulus has given a go at that whole "accepting" thing Evan mentioned, it's something he's already accustomed to, having to accept the shit cards he's been dealt in this life. He's attracted to someone he can never be allowed to love publicly? Ah, of course, it goes right along with his tyrant of a mother and the scars on his back. Just another thing that leeches the life out of him more and more with each passing day.
Accepting, unfortunately, means acknowledging, which means Regulus has had to actually think about that kiss.
Oh, Merlin, he can't stop thinking about it.
He has seen people kiss before (thanks, Barty, for all the girlfriends you've flaunted around in front of me) and thought it looked rather gross, actually, but it isn't at all. Maybe that's because the person he kissed was James.
James.
Regulus can't stop thinking about him either. He has no idea how he ever looked at the boy normally without feeling so much at once. It's an impossible task now. Believe him, he's tried. Now, whenever his eyes settle on James across the Great Hall or when they're in classes together or when they pass in the corridors, Regulus feels like the sun and the moon are colliding inside of his chest. Never before did he understand how people got all wobbly and pathetic in front of their crushes. He gets it now. Merlin, does he. James is all he can ever think about. He always finds himself daydreaming about the boy whenever he's in the library, trying to do his homework but failing miserably.
He has entirely neglected to show up to Potions club ever since the kiss because he's afraid that if he gets that close to James, he won't be able to stop himself from melting through the flagstones.
This is an entirely new area that has gone uncharted before. James has been his acquaintance, his enemy, his friend, and now he's something more, something other. Regulus doesn't know what to call it, but he likes it. Surprisingly, he really does like it. He loves James as a friend, and that has not changed, he cares so deeply for him and he knows he always will. But now, there's this new portion of his heart that has been freed to finally feel and it's stealing James from the other parts of his heart that have already taken him in.
Before the kiss, Regulus always admired James for his humour and his kindness and his love for the world around him. Now, he admires more of the boy. He's been watching him over the last couple of weeks, hopefully subtly, though he isn't sure. Regulus has been picking up on things he hadn't a few weeks ago, like how James' laugh is like a siren call that's trying to draw Regulus in, and he really wants to go; how his hair, which he always thought looked endearingly stupid, now looks welcoming, how he wants to run his hands through it and feel the curls wrap around his knuckles; how James is gorgeous, and Regulus must have been blind not to see it before.
Salazar, James is so beautiful. He's tall, but not overly so, just the perfect height for Regulus to plant himself inside James' embrace and feel his chin touch his head, shrouding him protectively from the horrors of the world. It's warmer out now, the sun has been visiting them more often, and it's effect on James is just sinful. The regular darkness of his skin has been enhanced, only making his light-brown eyes stand out more, and there are freckles dusting his soft cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. His jawline cuts a sharp boarder between his face and his neck, lined with stubble that is almost non-existent, like James shaved that morning but it's already begun to grow back. His lips are plump, the top one dark like the tone of his skin, whilst the bottom one blends into a rosy pink.
Regulus knows how soft those lips are and the very thought of that drives him mad.
He's been slight with his observations, not wanting to be caught staring at James, especially when the whole school thinks they dislike each other. It isn't unknown to anyone that the Slytherin boys and the Gryffindor boys have some sort of war going on between them, maintained mostly by pranks exchanged between the group.
Today is the day of the Quidditch match, which means Regulus will be very close to James for a relatively long amount of time, in front of the whole school. He won't be able to look at him because he's worried that if he does, he'll get too distracted and someone will notice. He's already warned Evan to not let him get preoccupied during the game, and Evan has agreed to fly past him to get his attention if he finds the need to.
The two teams spill out onto the pitch at the same time and Regulus keeps his eyes forward. He locates Dorcas, Pandora and Scarlett up in the Slytherin stands and smiles to them as they wave down at him, Evan and Barty. They mount their brooms and fly to their starting positions. Regulus watches as the Snitch is released, it flits out of view instantly. He knows Slytherin needs at least forty points on top of the points they will get if Regulus catches the Snitch to remain ahead.
Hooch blows her whistles and Regulus immediately soars upwards, feeling as the wind rushes across his face, calming him immediately. He listens as the commentator announces to the crowd that James has the Quaffle, but he doesn't look. If he watches James score a goal, he fears he won't be able to drag his eyes away.
However...
"What is this? James Potter missed the hoop and Evan Rosier, Slytherin Chaser, has swooped in from under him and taken possession of the Quaffle!"
Regulus frowns. He doesn't think James has ever missed a goal before, he's usually in top-form. Everyone has bad days, maybe he was trying to evade a Bludger or something. Barty's hits are lethal.
But James keeps missing. Every time he goes to score, Regulus listens as commentator-McKinnon tells the whole school that James missed again. He's not gotten the Quaffle in once. It gets to the point where James starts being the passer rather than the scorer, which, again, has never had to be the case in past games because James is amazing at Quidditch - prodigy level of amazing.
Finally, Regulus glances down at the game and watches as Longbottom passes the Quaffle to James, who fumbles it before throwing it towards Matthews. Tonks and McKinnon are circling James, which is something the Beaters only do when their most vulnerable player is at risk of being hit by a Bludger. No way is James their most vulnerable player. What is wrong with him?
The score goes up to forty for Slytherin and only twenty to Gryffindor. Greengrass flies past Regulus and gives him the all-clear signal, meaning it is okay for him to catch the Snitch now, as if Regulus didn't already know that. He can count.
Over an hour into the game, Slytherin are up to seventy points, whilst Gryffindor are stuck on forty. Apparently, James' lack of talent in today's game is throwing his teammates off, too. Regulus is, admittedly, quite concerned now.
When he spots the Snitch floating by McKinnon's feet, he decides to go for it. He would rather end this game as soon as possible. James is clearly struggling and, even though they haven't spoken in weeks, Regulus doesn't want him to have to keep humiliating himself in front of the entire school. So, he falls into a dive and, because McKinnon is only a few metres from where he is and Edgecombe is on the other side of the pitch, Regulus manages to catch it pretty easily. They win the game and, for the first time since Regulus has been on the team, James won't be in the finals with him.
Sunday - 4th May, 1975
On the eve of Slughorn's end of year dinner party, Regulus and Barty spend almost three hours getting ready. Regulus dresses in his most formal set of robes, not in the mood to risk the wrath of his mother. He's almost ran out of Tonks' howler diffusers and he does not intend to ask for more. The robes are made of silk and velvet and consist of only dark colours, navy blue, ivy green, and black. His shoes are dragonhide boots with black buckles made of pure zirconium that reflect every light in the room. He makes sure his curls aren't frizzy and instead loop down silkily around his ears, framing his face in a way that makes his jawline look more cutting.
Barty comes strolling out of the bathroom decked in emerald green robes that have a black bodice, which squeezes his middle inwards and further enhances the shape of his jutting hips. He's parted his usually messy hair and used some kind of hair product to keep it out of his face. He looks very boyish in a classically handsome sort of way.
Regulus turns to Evan, who is lying on his stomach on his bed, staring up at Barty with his partially mouth open. His eyes follow the boy as he walks across the room and Regulus almost laughs.
"Is Katie in the Slug Club, Barty?" Regulus asks as he slips a couple of extra rings onto his fingers. He likes the way the clack together when they are layered on his fingers like this.
"No, she's not," Barty responds before spraying some cologne onto his neck. "We broke up last Tuesday anyway."
"Oh," Regulus raises his eyebrows and turns to Evan, who just adamantly shakes his head even though his cheeks are blazing red from simply looking at Barty. "No other date then?"
"Couldn't take one even if I wanted to, but no. No date," Barty says. He makes his way over to Regulus' side and puts his hands on his hips. With a grin, he looks at Evan. "What do you think, Rosy?"
"It's- uh, nice- you guys look nice, I mean." Evan frowns at his own inarticulacy, burying his head in his hands. Regulus, however, turns to Barty and finds the boy preening under the compliment. If Regulus is not mistaken, there's a blush settling under his freckles. Although, he could just be feeling warm because they are layered in robes and it's almost summertime.
"Alright, we should probably go. Scarlett and Pan will be waiting for us in the common room," Regulus says as he grabs Barty's arm by the elbow and starts dragging him towards the door.
"Bye, Ev!" Barty calls before they get out the door.
The girls are waiting for them near the stairs when they get down there. Pandora is wearing a dress she spent the last few weeks making; it's the same blue as her eyes and falls to just below her knees, flowing outwards so that if she were to spin it would rise like a tutu. The collar is white and matches her white tights perfectly. The dress sparkles under the lit sconces, glittering silver in a way that completes the outfit. Beside her, Scarlett is wearing a purple set of robes her mother must have sent her. They reach the floor and have a slight train that follows behind her. Pandora's hair had been done into two Dutch braids, whilst Scarlett's falls down naturally around her - her own way of rebelling, Regulus assumes.
Regulus takes Scarlett's arm and Barty takes Pandora's, the four of them make the short journey through the dungeons to Slughorn's chambers. The dungeons are stuffier than the rest of the castle, so Regulus throws a few cooling charms over each of them, sure they would all rather not arrive drenched in sweat.
Slughorn welcomes them in with a beaming smile and tells them to "mingle" until everyone arrives. Pandora drags Barty over to where Lily Evans is standing with Alice and Frank. Regulus doesn't follow, he doesn't want to risk attracting anymore Gryffindors. Instead, he and Scarlett make their way over to where Josephine Bletchley, a Slytherin in their year, and Edgar Bones, a Hufflepuff, are speaking between themselves. As it turns out, they're talking about the Healers' course that is being offered to fifth-to-seventh years and how they are both considering joining during the next school term.
Scarlett mentions how she has been thinking about joining the Wizarding Political course next year, as it's only two hours a week, and Regulus says that he will probably join her. His mother would want him to. One day, he'll have a seat on the Wizengamot, so it would be good for him to get up to date on his politics, his knowledge is rather sparse.
It only takes fifteen minutes for Slughorn to call them all over to the long table he has set up in the middle of his chambers. Regulus sits between Scarlett and Barty, with Pandora and Evans on Barty's other side. Alice, Frank, Tonks and James sit down opposite them, and James ends up right across from Regulus. They share a few seconds of tense eye contact before Barty steals Regulus' attention away.
Regulus spends most of the meal talking to Scarlett and Barty. Much to his surprise, Scarlett ends up pulling James into the conversation by asking him what he's thinking about doing after Hogwarts. Regulus realises he doesn't actually know the answer to this question, he and James never really spoke about their lives after Hogwarts. They always talked about things that felt more important than their futures.
"Well, I was thinking about signing up for the Healers' course next year because I'm fond of Potions and I like the idea of knowing I could help save a few lives," James says, his eyes don't move from Scarlett the entire time and Regulus hates it. It's like James can't even look at him anymore.
"A noble profession," Scarlett says approvingly. "I can't imagine you'll be terrible at it. After all, you are rather skilled where Potions are involved."
"Thanks," James smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"Regulus," she turns her green eyes on him and places a kind hand on top of his to try and regain his attention. "Would you ever consider healing?"
"I don't think so," Regulus shakes his head slightly. "Only kind people are good healers, I too much prefer debating. Politics might just be my calling."
"You are very good at arguing," Scarlett snorts, then she softens. "I would also say with confidence that you are kind enough to meet the standards of a healer."
Regulus smiles, feeling himself blush under the compliment. It isn't a common thing for Scarlett to dish them out, so it always rattles him when she does.
From across the table, he can hear the sound of a chair scraping before something is muttered. When Regulus looks up, he notices that James' chair is empty. Tonks is staring at the door across the room with worried eyes.
An impulsive urge overcomes him and he turns back to Scarlett, "I-"
"Go," she says.
"What?"
"Go after him," she whispers more firmly this time. Regulus doesn't even have enough time to reveal his shock to her before she's pinching his leg under the table, which gets him to stand up. He can't not excuse himself after that, so he holds his head high as he calmly walks out of the door. As soon as it's closed, he's running.
Somehow, he knows exactly where James has gone, and Regulus is finally ready to talk to him. It's been almost a month now since they last spoke and he misses him so much. They haven't not spoken for this long since second year. Regulus is so used to James' consistent presence in his life that he realises he is hopeless without the boy, which is entirely inconvenient but completely and utterly true.
He ends up tearing his cloak off and dropping it in a heap on the floor of the dungeons, not wanting to risk tripping over it. He never did like it anyway, but if it's still there tomorrow, he'll come back and get it. His footsteps thunder beneath him as he rushes up the stairs and then through the main corridor to get to the creaky, wooden door that leads to the spiral staircase of the Astronomy tower.
Regulus has been balancing on a line between insanity and freedom for a month and the two have become so blurred that he isn't sure which is which anymore. Insanity would hold him captive, but his freedom might just cause him to lose every ounce of sanity still remaining inside of him. He's officially crossing the line into insanity, but at this point he just doesn't care. The Black family madness can get him, so long as he is allowed to stare directly into the sun without the fear of going blind. He's done being blind, but he's also done being drowned by shadows. He wants to walk through a puddle of light without the risk of it scolding him.
When he reaches the door to the tower, he's panting and can feel a drop of sweat sliding down his temple. He wipes it away on his sleeve and then runs his hands through his hair, making sure it looks nice. Merlin, he really is going insane. Trying to channel that bravery he's always admired in James, Regulus' hand falls on the door handle and he twists it open.
James is across the space, hands gripping on the railing tightly, head bowed as if in shame. Regulus can hear the way he's hyperventilating from over here. He isn't wearing formal dress robes, at least not any Regulus has ever seen before. In fact, he's quite convinced James is wearing Muggle clothes. He's wearing a white button-down shirt and a red jacket that matches with his red, fancy dress-trousers. He looks wonderful.
He lets the door close behind him and the noise seems to alert James that he isn't alone. His head perks up, but he's still facing the other way. He seems to gather himself before he turns around.
The shock on his face is evident.
"Regulus," he breathes out.
Regulus feels stuck all of a sudden, glued to the spot. His stomach burns at the thought of stepping forward, so instead he just looks. He meets those golden-brown eyes and he thinks, there you are, oh, I've missed you, Sunshine.
James takes his silence as an invitation to speak. "I can't believe you're here. I thought you- I didn't think you would want to- You shouldn't have. I can't-" He lets out a sound of frustration as his words fail him. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that, and I didn't even ask. I always ask, but when it was the most important- I just didn't. You have no idea how sorry I am, Regulus, I haven't been able to think about anything else for weeks. And Scarlett-"
"James."
"-I made you cheat on her! She- at first, I thought she might know, but now- Oh, I'm actually a horrible person-"
"James." A step forward.
"-you're getting married and you're engaged and I kissed you. I've ruined everything and I put you in danger-"
"James." Another step, and another.
"-you're not even gay. I can't believe I forced myself on you like that. You shouldn't even be giving me the time of day. I wouldn't blame you if-"
Regulus is standing right in front of the boy now, their shoes knock together and James is still rambling, still apologising and blaming himself for the best thing that Regulus has ever felt in his life. And yes, it was James' fault. It was his fault for making Regulus feel this way, for making him want him so, because he is one of the best people on this earth and he chose to kiss Regulus. Isn't that brilliant? The sun chose a star, knowing it would never work, could never work, but going for it anyway because the impossible doesn't exist, can't exist, not until you let it. Not when stars and suns become boys, just two boys, standing on the edge of a tower, bathing in the moonlight, staring at each other. And Regulus wants him. He isn't sure he's wanted anything so desperately in his entire life. He would give up his chance in the sky, if it meant passing the next day onto James.
"You're such an idiot, James," Regulus says, cutting the boy off by pulling him forward by the collar of his robes and pushing their lips together. A surprised sound crawls up James' throat and vibrates against Regulus' knuckles. Regulus slides his hands up James' shoulders and buries his hands into the boy's hair, tightening his grip, and just letting himself feel.
James' shock subsides quicker than Regulus expected it would and soon he's being kissed back. James' lips move urgently, like he is afraid this will be the last time he ever gets to have this, and Regulus already knows he will make sure it isn't. James' hands move to Regulus' hips, grasping at the silk fabric that resides there. In a second, he's being pinned against the metal railing of the tower and it reminds him, again, of the very first night they spent on this tower. In a position so similar, right in this very spot. Except, there isn't a barrier between them now and Regulus isn't at risk of falling backwards. No, James has got him, he's holding him and he's pushing and pulling him all at once like he doesn't know what to do with him.
"Sorry," James squeaks when he pushes Regulus into the banister again, making him let out a huffing noise.
"Shut up," Regulus says into his mouth before bringing him back. When James does it again, like he can't help it, like he's trying to get as close to Regulus as he can, but he just can't because he's as close as he can get, Regulus gasps. James takes this as an opening to dip his tongue into Regulus' mouth, and oh Regulus will not be complaining about that. He brings his own tongue forward and gasps again when it hits James', he feels as a hot flush creeps up his neck and settles in his cheeks.
Hearing this, James presses his tongue forward again and licks a line across Regulus' bottom lip, which has him gripping the hair at the nape of James' neck tighter. James hums into his mouth and Regulus can't help but grin. So, hair pulling is a yes then. He does it again and receives the same reaction, which only makes his grin widen.
James pulls back, not too far, just enough for their foreheads to meet. "It is particularly difficult for me to kiss you, Starlight, when you're smiling as much as you are."
"I'm sorry, I can't help it," Regulus admits, still beaming.
"We should probably talk anyway," James says, pulling further away from him. Regulus lets out a very embarrassing whining noise that has James raising an eyebrow and smiling.
James reaches up and unwraps Regulus' hands from around his neck. He brings one of them up to his mouth and kisses the inside of Regulus' palm.
"Okay, we can talk," Regulus agrees, eyes stuck on where his hand and James' lips meet. "But let's make it quick."
"Why?" James asks and when Regulus raises his eyebrows, James smirks. "Oh?"
"Come on, Potter, hurry up and spill out your Gryffindor feelings."
James beams.
"I've just insulted you. Why are you smiling?" Regulus frowns.
"I just missed you," James pulls him closer and presses a single firm kiss to Regulus' forehead.
They talk. A lot. James tells him about how he used to be in love with Harry, and how he thought he still was until he realised he liked Regulus back in February thanks to the stupid prank he and his friends pulled on Valentine's Day. Regulus remembers being confused when Tonks explained to him what the prank actually was, because he wasn't aware he did like anyone. Then, James happened.
James explains that he does like boys, but he also likes girls. Regulus might not know a lot about himself, but he knows for certain that he doesn't like girls. Regulus asks James if he ever liked Lily, to which James honestly answers that no, he never has, but he does say they kissed in second year. Regulus only lets himself be jealous for a minute because James' hand is in his, not Lily's. After that, Regulus tells James all about the plan he and Scarlett came up with back in second year when they found out their parents were arranging them to be married, then he tells James he's never liked Scarlett, he's never liked any girl like that.
James lets Regulus talk about what he's been doing for the last month. How he's been trying to process and accept all of this change that somehow feels so familiar at the same time. James says he understands, and Regulus supposes he must do. Then, James admits that it took him years to accept himself, so Regulus mentally congratulates himself for being somewhat sane during all of this, even though it started only a month ago.
They talk about the Quidditch match and James admits that he hasn't been able to focus on anything because he's been too distraught over the thought of losing Regulus.
"I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, James," Regulus promises, gripping his hand a little tighter. Then, because he knows James needs to hear it, especially after what happened with Harry, he says, "I'm not leaving you. I'm staying right here."
There isn't much talking after they've gotten all of that out of the way. By the time they decide they should head back to their dormitories, it's almost three in the morning. Regulus wonders if Barty is at all curious as to where he went. Evan probably figured it out as soon as he was informed that Regulus was absent. What about Tonks though? Won't he be suspicious that James disappeared?
James walks him all the way back to the dungeons and drops him off outside the Slytherin common room. Sparing one glance around the barren corridors, Regulus stands up on his tiptoes and softly kisses James' mouth.
"Good night, Reg."
"Good night, James," he says, unable to keep the smile from his face as he makes his way through the common room and up the stairs to the dormitory.
Saturday - 10th May, 1975
It's been almost a week since Slughorn's dinner party, since Regulus chased James up to the Astronomy tower and kissed him. In the week that followed, Regulus had managed to get Scarlett alone to ask her how on earth she knew about James. According to her, their mutual infatuation with each other was painfully obvious and had been for years, which, admittedly, took Regulus aback.
"What do you mean?" He'd asked, leaning back against the oak tree that sits beside the Black Lake. They were supposed to be studying, but Regulus took their solitude as a chance to talk to her about this instead.
"Well, there were the lingering looks across the Great Hall. At first, I thought you were glaring at Tonks, but then I noticed Potter looking back whenever your eyes drifted away from him," Scarlett told him. "Other than that, I don't know, it just seemed very obvious to me."
Regulus had told her that Evan also knew and that he was the one who helped Regulus understand that he could be okay with it, if he let himself be. Scarlett was very clear in letting him know that she didn't have a problem with Regulus' preferences, which made him feel a lot better about it all, too. When they returned to the Slytherin common room that evening and found Evan doing his homework at one of the desks in the corner of the room, Scarlett dragged Regulus over there. She cast a silencing charm around the three of them and then proceeded to tell Evan that she knew about Regulus' "Potter obsession".
The two of them harassed him about it for ages, unrelenting in their teasing, until Regulus finally cracked and admitted what happened after Regulus left Slughorn's dinner party.
"You kissed him again ?" Evan blurted out, which made Regulus glare at him and send a quick cautious eye around the room. Scarlett, thrilled by this information, asked for a further explanation. And so, Regulus had to backtrack and tell Scarlett about the kiss he shared with James the month before.
"No wonder he played so horribly in that Quidditch match," Scarlett said almost pityingly. "So, what happened after you guys kissed last night?"
Regulus didn't tell them everything, he wanted to keep a few things just to himself. He told them about how James walked him all the way back down to the dungeons, and how they shared one more kiss before it was time for them to part ways.
"Are you dating Potter now?" Evan questioned, eyes wide and invested.
Regulus had come up short with an answer because, truth be told, he had no idea what he and James were. He has met up with James at the tower every night since and he still doesn't have a clue what is going on between them. It's Saturday now and Regulus has just suffered through a week of subtle jabs from both Evan and Scarlett. Pandora has chimed in a few times as well because she, of course, already knew before Regulus got a chance to tell her. Dorcas and Barty are still oblivious to the entire thing, and Regulus doesn't think he is ready to tell them yet.
Earlier, the final Quidditch match of the year took place between Slytherin and Ravenclaw. Unfortunately, Ravenclaw ended up winning, but Regulus did catch the Snitch, so he counted that as his own little win. Evan, however, had a brief meltdown in the changing rooms, but was coaxed out of his hiding place by Barty, who offered him a sugar quill and a sweet smile.
That evening, he leaves the dungeons, intending to make his way up to the tower, but is interrupted as he makes it to the ground floor. James appears from thin air, holding his cloak up above his head, grinning brightly down at Regulus, who is trying to get his heartbeat to settle.
"No tower tonight?" Regulus asks, cocking his head to the side.
"I thought we could sit on the grounds for a little while because it's still warm out," James suggests, gesturing for Regulus to join him under the cloak. He does, hurrying to get closer. James tosses the cloak over both of their heads before planting his hands on Regulus' hips. Regulus leans backwards into the boy and can't help the smile that appears on his face when James' head drops down onto his shoulder.
"This okay?" James inquires softly.
"It's always okay when it's you," Regulus finally admits aloud. He's been wanting to tell James that for months, but has never found the courage to, not until now anyway. It's different now because Regulus finds he can't be as shy around James, not after having had the boy's tongue in his mouth. How shy can he really be?
James makes a pleased noise and presses a lingering kiss to the side of Regulus' jaw. Regulus turns and smiles up at the boy, who drops another kiss onto Regulus' lips this time. As he feels a blush start to creep up his neck, he turns back to look at where they are going.
They make it down to the lake before James pulls the cloak off of them. He folds it up and places it neatly on the ground before plopping down onto the grass and grinning up at Regulus. He reaches out a hand for him and slowly pulls him to the floor.
"You flew beautifully today, little Seeker," James tells him as soon as Regulus is sitting beside him. Their hands remain entwined and rest in James' lap.
"We didn't win," Regulus huffs.
"It's not all about winning," James says softly, that bright smile still right where it belongs on his face. "Plus, you caught the Snitch. So, technically, you did win."
"I kept it," Regulus mutters, pulling the Snitch out of the pocket of his trousers. He stares down at the little, golden ball in the palm of his hand and then holds it out to James. "Here."
"For me?" James plucks it out of his hand like it's something delicate, something that needs to be taken great care of.
"For the summer," Regulus mumbles. "Oh, and I also have your birthday present. It is a couple of months late, but I expect it will still do just fine." He hands James a small potion vial and watches as the boy uncorks it and sniffs it. Regulus wonders if he'll be able to identify what it is from simply that.
"Reg, tell me you didn't," James says, staring at him with wide eyes.
"I did."
"These are so expensive!" James bursts out as he continues to examine the potion. "Where did you even find it?"
"There's a small Bulgarian shop in Knockturn Alley," Regulus shrugs. "I had to ask Kreacher to purchase it for me. It's the real deal."
They both look down at the rare potion - it's supposed to be a stress reliever, as well as an anxiety reducer, but it isn't as temporary as simple ones you can purchase at any apothecary shop. No, it's made of rare ingredients from the Caatinga forest in Brazil and is only really sold in Brazil, Bulgaria and India. Regulus knows how nervous James gets around exam season and how generally anxious he can get. Also, he had no other ideas for what to get James for his birthday, so he decided this would do. The potion is supposed to kick in whenever you feel any worry, anxiety or stress, and remains in your system for a fortnight - the perfect amount of time to cover their exams.
"You're amazing, you are," James grins. He corks the vial and gently places it down on top of his invisibility cloak along with the Snitch. When he turns back to Regulus, he cups his face between his hands and leans down to kiss him. "Absolutely amazing."
They stay out by the lake for a couple of hours, basking in the warmth that lingers in the air, leftover from the scorching day they'd had before. Regulus collects a few daisies and starts making a daisy chain crown, something he learnt to do during his childhood when he spent a lot of time out in the gardens with his father when he was sick.
Once he's finished, he holds it out to James, who ducks his head and allows Regulus to place it over his messy hair. He looks absolutely ridiculous with it on, but Regulus doesn't care because he also looks adorable.
"How do I look?"
"Like an idiot," Regulus responds, looking up at James through his eyelashes. "A cute idiot, though."
James blushes and Regulus still can't believe he is capable of pulling that reaction from James. It's astounding to him that someone like James could ever even consider liking someone like him.
"I don't know how to make a crown," James says, reaching down to pluck a daisy from the ground. He places it behind Regulus' ear and smiles. "But you deserve a flower."
Regulus frowns and glances down at where their hands are joined on the grass. James tilts his chin up and sends him a questioning glance. Regulus bites his bottom lip, feeling nervous.
"James..."
"Yes, Reg?"
Regulus uses his free hand to draw shapes on the back of James' hand, the one connected to Regulus' other. Feeling anxious, he takes in a deep breath and keeps looking at their hands.
"What are we?" He questions, feeling as his heart starts to skyrocket in his chest.
James reaches out to grab Regulus' free hand and tugs him closer until he's settled directly in front of him.
"What would you like us to be?"
"I don't know," Regulus shrugs. He feels very subconscious right now, which isn't something he tends to feel often. "We're friends, but friends don't kiss, James."
"You'll always be my friend, Reg," James tells him and Regulus is hit with a burst of both relief and disappointment at that statement. James must spot this because a moment later, he asks for Regulus' attention. Regulus looks up at him and tries not to show how nervous he is. "But I also want you to be more."
Fear and excitement rage inside of him, fighting for dominance. He swallows and whispers, "More?"
"Whatever you'd like," James whispers back.
"Give me an example," Regulus says.
"Well, for example," James smirks, "I could ask you if you wanted to be my boyfriend and see what you thought of that."
"Boyfriend?"
"Yes," James nods. "If you would be okay with that."
"I... I would," Regulus agrees, his stomach squirms in anticipation as he awaits James' response.
James appears shocked for a split second before his face breaks out into a wide grin, something happier than Regulus thinks he has ever seen before. James pulls one of his hands away from Regulus' and reaches up to gently run his index finger along the scar tainting Regulus' collarbone. He got it almost a year ago now. James had been so mad, so protective, it sent Regulus' head spinning.
He dips his head and places a soft kiss over the scar before trailing his lips up Regulus' neck to his jaw, and then up until he meets his lips. James smiles into the kiss and when he draws back once more, he knocks their noses together softly.
"Boyfriend," he giggles.
"Boyfriend," Regulus confirms, unable to stop his own giggles from tumbling past his lips. James beams at him.
Four billion smiles in this world, he thinks, looking at this wonderful miracle of a boy, and yours is my favourite.
***
Wednesday - 14th May, 1975
Sirius
Their first exam week has been relatively easy so far for Sirius, if a little boring. He just came from his practical Defence exam, where he was forced to face his Boggart. They didn't even learn about Boggarts this year! Sirius knows it was just Pritchett's last attempt to to rile them all up, the man never was a good professor. Sirius will be relieved to see him go next year if the rumoured curse on the teaching position is a real thing.
Sirius hasn't bothered revising for any subjects other than Transfiguration, History of Magic (which he will be dropping after next year, thank the lord), and Ancient Runes. Transfiguration is still his favourite subject even four years later, it's his best subject, too. He wonders what his life would look like now if he had accepted McGonagall's offer to skip a year in first year. Would he have remained friends with Peter, James and Remus? Would they have drifted apart? He likely would have ended up in classes with Jess, which means he would have gotten the chance to meet him earlier.
After his Defence exam - his boggart was still the same as it was a year ago when he first had to face it - Sirius meets up with his friends, who are all waiting patiently for him in the courtyard. Remus and Lily are sitting in one of the stone alcoves that frames the courtyard. James and Mary are leant up against the wall beside them, whilst Peter, Frank and Alice are sitting on the floor playing a game of Exploding Snap. Marlene and Azalia are to the side of the group, standing on the edge of the fountain in the centre of the courtyard. When Marlene almost slips, Azalia laughs, and Marlene flicks a handful of water at her.
Sirius struts confidently over to his group of friends, all of whom turn at the sight of him and ask him how it went. He shrugs and says something about how it went as well as it could have. Boggarts are never fun.
"What exam does Jess have today?" Mary asks him.
"I think Herbology," Sirius bites his lip as he thinks. "He's got his Astronomy exam later tonight."
"Did he have a morning exam as well?" Lily chimes in.
"Yeah, History of Magic," Sirius grimaces.
"Merlin, three for three," James mirrors Sirius' expression. "Poor guy."
Remus clears his throat, drawing everyone's attention. "I'm going to head off to the library to revise for the Charms and Transfiguration exams tomorrow. Anyone want to join?"
"Might as well," Lily sighs, hopping out of the alcove and helping Remus out by giving him her hand.
"I'll come, too," Peter adds, standing up from the floor and giving Sirius his cards. "I'm still stuck on how to get rid of texture when transfiguring animals into objects."
"It's all about transforming, not vanishing, Pete," Remus explains. "That's where you struggle."
"Isn't that just the same thing?" The shorter boy asks as they walk away. Sirius turns back to face the rest of them and passes Peter's cards to Mary, not really feeling up to a game of cards right now. He jumps up into the alcove where Lily and Remus had been sitting and James soon joins him. Their legs swing below them, bumping every now and then.
"Is it just me, or has Remus been acting odd lately?" Sirius asks him, frowning as he voices the thought he's had stuck in his head for the last month.
James fidgets on his seat before clearing his throat. "I don't know. I think he's still trying to get over Marie. A lot has changed, you know, he's going through a hard time."
"I suppose," Sirius mutters. His lip quirks down into a half-frown. "Do you think he'll be okay over the summer? Maybe I should invite him to stay at mine for a week or two, get him out of Wales for a bit."
"I think it would do him some good to see his Muggle friends again. It might make things easier for him," James shrugs. He looks up and his eyes catch on something across the courtyard. Sirius turns to see what he's staring at and notices Black and his friends are making themselves comfortable across the courtyard in the opposite alcove. Black and Stark sit in the alcove, whilst Pandora, Dorcas, Evan and Crouch sit on the bench just beneath them.
Sirius scowls. "What a mood-killer."
"Oi," James jokingly scolds him, lightly backhanding his arm. Sirius pretends he's been fatally wounded and falls backwards, making James have to scramble to catch him so he doesn't fall out of the other side. "Bloody hell, Padfoot. No more dramatically flaying yourself about, and no more being mean to people."
"Why do you care so much?" Sirius raises an eyebrow. "It's not like they can hear me."
"I just think you guys could get along if you were a bit nicer to each other," James sighs, sounding strangely hopeful. At the look of blatant befuddlement on Sirius' face, James frowns and looks away. "Never mind."
Sirius furrows his eyebrows and looks at the group of Slytherins (plus Pandora). He watches as Barty waves his arms about as he says something, the rest of them watching on with entertained expressions. A second later, Dorcas is face-palming, Evan has his face buried in his hands as his shoulders shake with what Sirius assumes is laughter, Pandora is giggling, Stark is clearly trying to hide her amusement, and Black throws his head back as he laughs. Sirius has never seen the boy display so much emotion before.
He glances at James only to find him also watching the group across the courtyard, a soft expression sits on his features, something tender and caring. Sirius looks back over at the group and then at James. Suddenly, he feels like he's getting Deja vu.
Friday - 23rd May, 1975
Sirius leaves his final exam with a bright grin on his face. It was the written Muggle Studies exam, so he had no problem completing it. James walks out beside him, bouncing on the spot. Muggle Studies is probably his favourite subject, Sirius has noticed his friend is very intrigued when Muggle science is involved.
Peter is on his other side, he looks exhausted, just as the rest of the student body does. The halls have been filled with eyebags and snappy students for the last couple of weeks over the exam period. Sirius is so glad it's over now, he can't wait for summer to start.
Remus, the lucky bastard, finished his exams a couple of days ago. Sirius wonders where he could be right now. He pulls out the map from his pocket. They put their new nicknames on the map a month or so ago now. Instead of saying Messrs. The Marauders are proud to present the Marauders' Map, it now says Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present the Marauders' Map.
He smiles down at their creation before opening it and scanning the thing for Moony. Sirius notices that Jess is lingering outside the Great Hall, which means he must have also just gotten out of an exam. He's got his O.W.Ls this year, and Sirius will have his next year, he isn't really looking forward to them. He spots Remus, Lily and Mary all huddled together on the map near the greenhouses, so he changes the direction of his feet and Peter and James start following him.
When they make it to the greenhouses, they find Remus leant up against Greenhouse Five, a cigarette hanging from between his fingers, smoke pouring out of his mouth. Mary is standing beside him, a cigarette in her own hand. Sirius hasn't seen her smoke before, but he supposes she must know what it is because she grew up in the Muggle world, too. Lily is standing a couple of feet away from them, grimacing whenever the smoke wafts over to her. As they approach, she notices them and lets out a relieved noise.
"Oh, thank goodness you're here, James," she says rather dramatically. "Tell Mary to stop wrecking her lungs, would you?"
"Anything for you, Lils," James winks and then turns to Mary and recites, "Mary, strop wrecking your lungs."
"I'm just getting rid of the exam stress, alright?" She states, taking another drag from her cigarette. "And Remus' cigarettes are much better than Taylor's. I really need to visit Wales and get me some of these."
"You should come over the summer," Remus says as he lifts his cigarette up to his lips. Sirius steps forward and holds his hand out expectantly, just wanting a puff. Jess doesn't like it when he smokes, says it makes his mouth taste funny when they kiss, so Sirius has cut down a bit.
Remus' eyes widen almost imperceptibly, but Sirius notices. Bemused, he cocks his head and wiggles his fingers. Remus passes him the cigarette and then watches as Sirius brings it up to his mouth and takes a drag. He passes it back and moves over to where Peter, James and Lily are stood, grimacing at the smokers like they're a group of mountain trolls or something.
"So, did your exam go well?" Mary asks, dropping the butt of her cigarette to the ground and stepping on it.
"Easy peasy," Sirius grins.
"Well, it would be for you, wouldn't it? You were basically raised as a Muggle." Mary tilts her chin towards James and Peter. "I was asking those two."
"Awful," Peter pouts.
"Brilliant!" James bursts gleefully. "Muggles are excellent."
"Muggles are confusing," Peter adds. "Why does it take so many steps to cook some toast?"
They all share a laugh at that and Sirius moves over to drape his arm over Pete's shoulders, feeling bad for him. They don't stay out there for very long as summer rain soon starts to pour down on them. They rush back to the castle, shirts soaked and shoes squeaking against the marble floors.
Thursday - 29th May, 1975
A few days ago, the marauders and Lily spent their final full moon in the shack before the three months off for the summer. Padfoot and Moony chased each other around the shack until the early hours of the morning, Prongs and Trixie jumping in every now and then to add to the chaos, whilst Wormtail spent most of the night dozing off on the mantelpiece in the room upstairs.
It went well, just as it had done each month before it. However, Sirius could tell Moony was still agitated about having to remain sealed inside the shack.
Today was their results day, Sirius passed everything with flying colours, even History of Magic and Herbology, which are probably his two worst subjects. Their group had split up afterwards - James took Remus back to the dormitory because the boy still looked a bit rough from the other night; Peter, Frank and Alice went off to some chess competition thing they have been looking forward to for the last month; Azalia and Mary went to pack because apparently they haven't started on it yet, and Lily went to make sure they actually did end up packing.
Sirius and Marlene are sitting out by the lake, enjoying the warmth that hugs their skin. The air smells sweet and pollen is thick in each inhale. The lake is calmly still because there are no winds to disturb it, not on a day like this. Marlene is lying down on her back, her hands crossed behind her head, eyes shut. Sirius is sitting beside her, picking apart a daisy petal by petal, playing he-loves-me, he-loves-me-not.
"Why are you playing that game if he's already your boyfriend?"
"Because I need to know if he's fallen for me yet," Sirius smirks even though Marlene's eyes are still firmly shut. She makes a humming sound and moves to lean up on her elbows. She glances up at him, finally opening her eyes.
"Oh, he definitely has. He looks at you like you're the most wonderful thing he's ever seen. It's absolutely disgusting," Marlene shudders and Sirius sprinkles a few petals on her head.
"You're just jealous," Sirius snorts. "Speaking of, how's your crush? Still like them?"
She groans and falls onto her back again, covering her face with her hands. "Yes, unfortunately. Sirius, it's been over a year! I don't know what to do anymore. I hate her, but I also really, really like her." Her hands drop to her sides and she pouts.
"Just tell her then," Sirius suggests.
Marlene scoffs. "Oh because it's so easy. I can't tell her, she hates me, too. It's a mutual hatred."
"Who-" Sirius' words are cut off as voices make their way towards them. He turns and scowls when he notices Black and his friends approaching them. Or, well, Sirius is sure they aren't coming to see them specifically, but they are walking in this general direction. "Heads up, there are snakes afoot."
Marlene sits up and looks at what Sirius is talking about. She groans. "What a way to ruin my day."
"Right," he agrees as the Slytherins reach them. He notices Pandora and Stark are both absent from the group today, leaving only Black, Evan, Barty and Dorcas.
"Hi, Sirius," Dorcas greets him politely. She looks at Marlene and narrows her eyes. "McKinnon."
"Meadowes," Marlene retorts.
Sirius doesn't understand why, out of all of the people in the school, Dorcas hates Marlene. Dorcas is one of the most sociable people in their year, she's friends with almost everybody, yet she has some sort of rivalry going on with Marlene. He doesn't understand it at all.
"I see you've ruined your hair again," Dorcas comments, pointedly staring at Marlene's head. Sirius helped her cut it yesterday because it started to grow out too long for her liking. Now, it has more layers that spike out at all angles, giving her a wolfish sort of look that Sirius thinks suits her very well. He frowns up at Dorcas, not liking how she treats his friend. Marlene has always been extremely self-conscious, especially when it comes to her hair.
When Sirius turns to look at Marlene, he notices her cheeks have turned a strong shade of crimson. Her eyes are narrowed up at the Slytherin girl. There's something odd about that look on her face though. Usually, when Marlene is mad at someone, her entire face flushes red. However, right now, her cheeks are blotched with pink patches.
Huh.
He looks back over to Dorcas and finds the girl smirking, something like satisfaction glimmers in her eyes as she stares down at Marlene, waiting for her comeback.
Oh, so Dorcas is the person Marlene likes. It would make sense. She hates the girl, she's always talking about her. Interesting.
"I like my hair like this," Marlene finally says.
"I think it looks pretty cool," Barty speaks up and Dorcas sends him a glare. He just shrugs it off and winks down at Marlene, who grimaces in response.
"You look like a hedgehog," Dorcas states before marching away from them. Evan and Barty immediately follow after her, Barty cackling, but Black spares a second to send Sirius a dirty look. He returns it.
"Fucking hate her," Marlene mumbles, still glaring at the girl as she gets further and further away from them.
"Do you?" Sirius inquires.
"What are you implying?" Marlene turns to him so quickly, he's worried her head might spin off her shoulders.
"So, Meadowes, huh?" He says in response, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"What ?" Marlene squeaks. "H- how do you know that?"
"My gay radar," Sirius replies. And then, feeling like a genius, "My gaydar!"
"You can't tell anyone," Marlene says urgently.
"I won't. Don't be silly," Sirius settles her worries. "You know, I can see it. If you manage to get past all the hatred, you would make a beautiful couple."
"Shut up," Marlene grumbles. Then, quietly, "How do you mean?"
Sirius chuckles. "She only insulted you to watch you blush, that's for sure. Oh, and she took satisfaction from it."
"You're lying."
"I'm really not," Sirius promises, raising his hands in surrender. "Don't believe me if you don't want to, but I know I'm right."
Marlene frowns and glances over at where the four Slytherins have now settled down a bit away from them. She catches Dorcas already looking her way and, at the same time, both girls turns away. Sirius grins.
Friday - 30th May, 1975
On their last full day at Hogwarts, a large group of them make their way down to the Quidditch pitch. Fabian and Gideon lead the way - they had insisted they play one final game with James, Sirius and Marlene before they leave forever tomorrow. Sirius can't even imagine the castle without the Prewett twins' antics, thinking about it makes him want to cry.
They manage to make two groups exactly, Sirius deems them The Best Group (his group) and James' Group. His team consists of himself and Marlene as Beaters, Jess, Anthony and Taylor as Chasers, Mary as Seeker, and Jess' friend Martin as the Keeper. James' group has James, Frank and Bracia as the Chasers, Fabian and Gideon as the Beaters, Skylar as the Keeper and Azalia as the Seeker.
Edwin, Remus, Lily, Peter, Violetta and Alice all watch from the stands. They gave Remus the job of keeping score, so that he would pay attention to the game.
Playing with the twins involved reminds him of the first time he went to Marlene's house and they had played a few games of Quidditch with the Prewetts and her brothers. It's fun playing with Jess, too, and he only gets distracted a couple of times before Marlene sends a Bludger his way. Azalia catches the Snitch a lot more than Mary does, but that makes sense because Azalia is on the actual Quidditch team and has more practice. James' team wins the most games, but Sirius excuses it, saying it's because all of the players on James' team have all been on the Quidditch team in the past.
They play until it's time to go in for dinner and Sirius almost cries when Fabian and Gideon pull him, James and Marlene in for a group hug. How is he supposed to say goodbye to them tomorrow?
On their way back up to the castle, they bump into Astro and Xeno, who look to have just come from a stroll around the grounds. Sirius is glad to see them as friends again. For a minute there, he was worried they would never go back to how they used to be, not after everything that happened with Alphard. It's a relieving sight to see them now walking side-by-side, shoulders bumping every now and then.
"Just do it! Just shove it in!"
"Sirius, if you yell out things like that, people are going to get suspicious," James laughs.
Sirius snorts. "When did you get so dirty minded, Potter?"
"Hold still, would you?" Peter groans, grabbing Sirius by the chin and tilting his head to the side. "Are you sure you want me to do this the Muggle way?"
"Definitely. You can do it, Pete!"
"I thought you were joking when you said you wanted Peter to do it," Frank chuckles as he enters the bathroom. James is currently sitting inside the bathtub, not unusual for him, whilst Sirius is perched on the edge of it. Peter is sitting opposite him on the toilet, a needle in one hand and an ice cube in the other.
"Fabian said if you put a slice of apple behind his ear, it will make it easier for you to get it straight through," Frank says, passing them a whole apple.
"What am I supposed to do with this, Frankster?" Sirius asks.
"Er, cut it?" Frank suggests unhelpfully before hopping into the bath with James.
Sirius groans. "MOONY!"
"WHAT?" Remus yells from the dorm room.
"CAN YOU CUT UP AN APPLE FOR ME, PLEASE?"
"Ugh, would you stop yelling?" James grumbles, rubbing at his ear.
"USE YOUR BLOODY WAND, PADFOOT!" Remus returns.
"Oh, right," Sirius mumbles. He pulls out his wand and uses a mild lacero charm to cut the apple up into chunks. He holds it up to Peter. "Will this do?"
"Yeah, thanks," Peter says, taking it from Sirius' hand. "I think I'm done with the ice cube." He chucks it into the bath and Frank squeals as it, presumably, hits him. Sirius snickers.
"Ew, we don't want your ear ice," James throws it onto the floor.
"Stop throwing the ear ice around!" Frank moans.
"Stop calling it ear ice!" Peter tuts. "And shut up, I'm trying to focus."
"I am so excited," Sirius says, squirming.
"Stop moving," Peter orders and Sirius does. He feels as Peter places the apple chunk behind his ear and angles the needle against his ear. "Okay, are you ready? One... two... three..."
"Buggering fuck! Ow, Pete!" Sirius curses. "Hurry up and put the earring in!"
"Eugh," James grimaces, staring at Sirius' ear. "Mate, you've got a needle stuck through your ear."
"Yeah, no shit, James," Sirius pouts. "Fuck, it hurts."
"Okay, stay still again," Peter says, his tone panicked. Sirius feels as he pulls the needle out and immediately replaces it with an earring that Fabian gave them earlier when he heard they would be doing this. "Look at that, you didn't even bleed."
"Antiseptic charm, remember, Pete," Frank reminds him. Peter pulls out his wand and casts the charm against Sirius' ear, making it tingle slightly.
"Alright, all done. Go have a look in the mirror," Peter tells him, patting his shoulder.
Sirius stands up from the bath, his butt feels numb from sitting on the edge of it for so long. He walks over to the mirror and looks at his new ear piercing. Fabian had given him a small, golden hoop, Sirius thinks it makes him look a bit like a pirate. He grins at his reflection and then flicks his hair out of his face.
"Oh, I look amazing," he states confidently.
"Alright, no need to go falling in love with yourself, Narcissus," Peter chuckles.
"I don't understand your Greek mythology references, Pete."
"It does look really cool," Frank says.
"He's right. You look wicked," James adds.
Sirius turns around, his hair tucked behind his ear to perfectly present his new earring to the world. Remus enters the bathroom just as Sirius turns to face the door, stopping in his tracks the moment his eyes land on Sirius.
"What do you think?" Sirius asks, feeling somewhat nervous about the response. He's always been anxious to get Remus' opinion on things, it might have something to do with the fact that he used to have a crush on him.
"You..." Remus sounds like he's just been punched in the gut. Sirius frowns.
"You don't like it?"
"No!" Remus hurries to explain. "No, I mean- uh... You look- it looks great. Brilliant." Remus clears his throat and reaches his hand up to scratch at his side, right where his bitemark is.
"Okay..." Sirius turns to the other guys in the room to see if they are also noticing how peculiarly Remus is acting. Peter is staring at Remus curiously, like he's trying to figure something out. Frank seems none the wiser, and James...
James is laughing.
He's trying to hide it, he's got a hand over his mouth, but Sirius can see the way his shoulders are shaking.
"What's so funny?" Sirius asks.
James stops laughing immediately. "Nothing. I just-" James has to cut himself off so that he doesn't laugh. He coughs and continues, "I think you broke Remus."
Peter looks between Remus and Sirius and then gasps. He turns to James with wide eyes and then slowly looks back at the two boys, a grin settles on his lips.
"I'm so fucking confused," Sirius admits.
"Me too, mate," Frank comments.
Saturday - 31st May, 1975
"SIRIUS EDWARD TONKS!"
"Wha-" Sirius mumbles as he sits up in his bed, still half asleep. He cracks an eye open and looks around the room. The other boys aren't up yet, not even Frank and James, which means it must be very early. Much too early to be up and out of bed yet.
"Who's yelling?" Remus groans from his bed as he chucks his pillow over his head.
From across the room, James blinks his eyes open and puts his glasses on. He steps out of bed just as a loud knock almost sends the door to their room off it's hinges, waking both Peter and Frank up, too.
"I KNOW IT WAS YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO ?!" Comes Lily's shrill voice through the door. Sirius sighs and flops backwards on his bed. Maybe if he closes his eyes now before they get too used to the light, he will be able to fall back to sleep.
James opens the door and, in a tone much more pleasant than Sirius thinks Lily deserves, says, "Good morning, Lils. What can we do for you on this fine morning? Oh, and you've pissed off Remus, by the way."
"I don't care!" Lily continues to yell as she stomps into their room. Sirius hears a few more sets of feet follow in after her, as well as some mumbled 'good mornings' from the other girls. "You all- you-"
"How did you do it?" Marlene asks as she makes her way across the room and makes herself comfortable on Sirius' bed. He opens his eyes and accepts his fate, knowing there's no way Lily will let him get any more sleep now that she's in his room.
"Do what?" James shrugs innocently.
"There's no need to act dumb, we know it was you," Mary says.
"Yeah, it's got Marauders painted all over it," Azalia adds in a mocking tone as she uses their group nickname.
"Just look out the window," Alice suggests, the calmest of all the girls. She sits down on the edge of Frank's bed, who just reaches out for his girlfriend and pulls her closer to him, earning a small, startled giggle from her.
All of the boys - minus Frank, who is preoccupied trying to swallow Alice - get up and glance out the window. Sirius lets out an astonished laugh, whilst Peter and James both gasp, and Remus' jaw drops.
The grounds, or what used to be the school grounds, are now completely flooded. And when he says flooded, he means there is at least five feet of water above where the ground should be. It's like the Black Lake expanded over night and spread as far as it could. Sirius laughs again.
"Oh, my god, that's brilliant!" Sirius exclaims, already moving to get changed and put his shoes on so he can go down and have a proper look.
"Ew, stop getting naked in front of everyone!" Marlene shrieks, chucking a pillow at Sirius' bare back.
"How are we supposed to get to Hogsmeade station for eleven?" Lily complains, staring accusingly at Sirius.
"Wait a minute," Azalia says, holding her hands out. "It was you guys, wasn't it?"
"What's going on?" Frank asks.
"Finally come up for air, Romeo?" Mary laughs, making Frank blush and smile bashfully.
"Someone's flooded the grounds," Peter responds to Frank's question.
"It wasn't us," Remus adds, sounding much more cheerful than he did a few moments ago. "We were going to prank everyone over breakfast, but this is so much better."
Sirius, now completely dressed with his shoes on, jumps into action and walks over to the door. "I'm going to go get a front row seat to Minnie's reaction. Anyone coming?"
"Wait for me!" Peter cries as he starts hopping towards the door, one shoe on and the other only half-on.
"Remus and I will catch up," James adds, still staring out the window with a look of amazement on his face.
Sirius, Peter and the girls (spare for Alice, who is still snuggled up with Frank) hurry down the moving staircases to the ground floor. It's only seven in the morning, so not many students are up yet. There are a few lingering in the corridor when they get down there, all glancing out the windows at the water that sloshes up the outside walls of the castle. Sirius rushes over to where the courtyard is and finds a barrier spell on the open entryway, so the water doesn't make it into the actual castle.
When he reaches out to touch the barrier, his hand goes right through it and sinks into the water. Ah, so it's just a banishing enchantment then. He flicks his wet hand toward Mary and Peter, who both grimace at him.
"Again," Lily huffs, "how are we getting to the train station on time?"
"The boats?" Sirius suggests, grinning widely. This is an absolutely delightful start to his morning.
"Those are for first years, Sirius, and there are only like twenty of them," Marlene points out, not seeming very bothered by the idea that they might not be able to make it to the train today.
"We could fly out," Azalia proposes, but at Lily's growl, she closes her mouth.
"Why would you do this?" Lily moans.
"We didn't," Sirius swears. "Really, it wasn't us."
"Then who-" Marlene starts, but then lets out a bitter laugh. "Of fucking course. I should have known. Where is my brother?" She starts marching off towards the Great Hall, the rest of them hurrying after her. They make it to the entrance to the Great Hall just as Remus, James, Frank and Alice make it down the stairs. They convene and continue to march into the Great Hall; Sirius gives the four of them an update on the situation.
"Edwin!" Marlene calls. Her brother, as well as a very satisfied looking Fabian and Gideon, turn at the sound of her voice. They approach the three seventh years and Marlene puts her hands on her hips. "It was you, wasn't it?"
"Why would you do this?" Lily repeats her earlier words that were directed at Sirius only a couple of minutes ago, sounding pained.
"Anything to extend our final day," Fabian shrugs.
"And, of course, we had to go out with a bang," Gideon adds with a wink.
"More like a splash," Marlene mumbles.
"I think it's absolutely fantastic," Sirius announces, dropping down into the empty seat beside Fabian. "How did you do it?"
"Duplication spell on the lake, and a few boundary spells mixed with banishing enchantments," Fabian speaks.
"And voilà!" Gideon grins.
"You can always try swimming to the station if you're that desperate, little red," Edwin says to Lily, who sends him a look so scolding, Sirius is surprised he doesn't burst into flames.
"I bet McGonagall will break out the boats," Fabian says.
"Aw, it'll be like old times. Remember? When we were just little babies," Gideon coos.
"There aren't enough boats," Mary states.
"Honey, there wasn't enough lake for our prank either, hence the duplication spell," Edwin says smugly. "They'll just have to duplicate the boats."
"We could cast a Gemino on them," Sirius voices.
"Nice thinking, Tonks," Fabian holds his hand out and Sirius slaps it with his own.
They sit down for breakfast and about halfway through, Dumbledore makes a notable entrance as he makes his way right over to his brass owl podium and announces that the Hogwarts Express shall be arriving at Hogsmeade station at the usual time, and that all students will be obliged to take boats down to the village. McGonagall then steps forward to add that if anyone is seen on a broomstick, they will be punished with a month's worth of detentions when they arrive back to school next September.
"Good thing we won't be back then," Gideon smirks.
"I was just thinking the same thing, Gid," Fabian grins.
When they made it to the boats, they were told that older students (which included fourth to seventh years) could only fit three to a boat, rather than the regular four. So, Sirius squeezed into a boat with Remus and Peter, whilst James went into one with Lily and Mary. It didn't take them very long to get down to Hogsmeade, but it was a bit of a frightening journey, as the water went down a hill, which felt more like a waterfall they were toppling down. The spells in place ensured they were safe and that they wouldn't fall out of the boats, but Sirius still feared it might happen; so, when they started going down the rather steep incline, he reached out for the closest thing to him, which ended up being Remus' hand.
The boat came to a stop at the edge of the village, where the water began to border off. Fabian, Gideon, Edwin and a couple of their other friends came zipping past them on broomsticks. Peeves zoomed by with them, cackling like the menace he is. Sirius thought, if he listened really carefully, he could almost hear McGonagall's shrill yelling back at the castle. He listens to the twins' joyful laughter and smiles, feeling bittersweet; he's going to miss those guys driving McGonagall out of her mind.
As they wait for people in the boats in front of them to get out safely onto the train platform, Sirius glances around. He notices Peter staring at him and when Peter catches Sirius watching him back, he raises his eyebrows significantly and then looks down. Sirius follows his gaze to where his and Remus' hands are still linked. Perhaps a bit harshly, Sirius pulls his hand away and clears his throat. When he briefly looks at Remus, he sees that his friend's face is quite red.
When they get onto the train, Sirius runs into Jess, who asks to sit with him on the ride back, saying how he'll miss him over the summer.
"You're coming over in July," Sirius snorts.
"Yes, and you're coming to mine in August. That doesn't mean I won't miss you all of June," Jess smiles as he presses a kiss to Sirius' lips. Sirius rolls his eyes, but he can't help his smile.
"Oh, you're so obsessed with me."
"So, so pathetically obsessed," Jess agrees as they take a seat side-by-side. Remus sits on the complete opposite side of the compartment, taking the empty window seat. James, Lily and Mary all sit down opposite, whilst Peter and Marlene sit down next to Sirius.
Sirius' eye catches someone's outside the door. Regulus is walking past with his friends, his stare is cold and one of distaste as he looks at Sirius. Sirius is so glad he won't have to see that sour little face for three months. He turns to look at Jess instead and smiles, feeling content.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
-Evan Rosier, I love you <3 His friendship with Regulus is so very dear to me. Also, him helping Regulus through a panic attack? I'm dead, that was so cute, I love themmmm
-I don't know if you can tell or not, but I'm trying to make Sirius mature slowly. I feel like his relationship with Jess is making him a lot more mellow and less petty. But Regulus likes to push his buttons, so, of course, they fought anyway..
-I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO REVEAL THAT TO YOU GUYS. I'm talking about the fact that Evan knew who Barty was before they ever even met. Yeah, he knew he and Barty would one day fall in love, and he's known for years. I think that's so cute honestly, but also poor Evan because Barty is binge-dating every girl in the school at the minute..
-Regulus describing James raaahhh. James is so beautiful in my mind.
-James missing the goal AND fumbling the Quaffle... he's going through a rough time. At least, Regulus caught the Snitch for him <3
-Scarlett is Jegulus' number one supporter at this point. She, Lily, Pandora and Evan should start a club hehe
-JEGULUS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. okay, now that's out of the way. finally! Regulus is still confused about some things, but he's also weak for James, so yeah. I have no excuses. I love them!!!! They are finally together 😆
-I don't know if anyone remembers, but there was a part in first year when James and Sirius were in the library and Regulus was sitting at a table across the library and Sirius kept catching James and Regulus glancing at each other. That's what I meant when Sirius got Deja vu in this chapter, just to clarify :)
-DORLENE <3 wolfcut Marlene will always be canon to me <3 (Also, Dorcas is extremely attracted to it, but she's trying to convince herself she isn't.)
-I don't want Fabian and Gideon to leave, I'm actually going to cry :(
-Astro and Xeno are friends again! We here more on what happened with Astro next chapter
-The whole part where Sirius was getting his ear pierced is so funny to me for some reason. Not Remus having a gay panic and Sirius and Frank just being so confused. Also, Peter is finally on the wolfstar train with James and Lily!
-The parallels between Gideon and Fabian's last day at Hogwarts and Fred and George's last day at Hogwarts was a complete accident at first, but then I realised it sounded familiar and now I'm so glad I wrote it the way I did. Peeves and all.
-I found out that in 1975, the world population was 4 billion. So, in 50 years, we managed to double the population. People need to slow down on all the shagging 🙄 (I'm joking, but we do need to have some population control at some point because it's getting ridiculous - idk how population control would work, but let's pray it's not the hunger games)I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Drop a comment if you want, I appreciate hearing from you guys! The next chapter will be out in 7-10 days, I have mocks coming up (help). See you next week! <3
Chapter 54: Fourth Year: The Lost
Summary:
Remus loses someone. A secret pov. James is brave.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-someone's parent abandons them/runs away
-underage drug use
-adultery
-someone losing faith in their religion
-very brief mention of blood
-mentioned someone's mother has terminal cancer
-angst
-mention of a child's death (Harry)
-brief mention of people going missing
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stop trying to keep us alive
You're pointing at stars in the sky
that already died.
~ Conan Gray
Sunday - 1st June, 1975
Remus
Even though Remus no longer goes to Mass every Sunday like his parents, he still starts his day when they do. He wakes up at the crack of dawn when his mam enters his room and pulls open his curtains to reveal clear, blue skies and a blazing sun that burns his retinas. He makes a fuss of shoving his pillow over his head and groaning, but this does not deter Hope from crossing the room and climbing under Remus' blanket. He peeks up at her from underneath his pillow and can't stop his lips from twitching upwards at the sight of his mam's silly grin.
"Good morning, cariad."
"Not yet," Remus grumbles, clamping his eyes shut.
"Alright, Mr Grumpy," his mam says in response and Remus thinks that is the end of it. He feels the bed move and assumes she's gotten up to go and make breakfast. However, a moment later he jumps up and shrieks out a loud laugh.
"Mam! What are you doing ?" Remus manages to ask through his prolonged laughter.
"You're so tall now, your feet fall right out the bottom of your blanket!" She explains before reaching down to tickle him again.
"Stop it!" He tries to tuck his feet closer to the rest of his body, but his mam has a grip on his socked ankle.
"Are you awake yet? Are you? Are you?" She continues to ask as Remus keeps struggling, only letting go of him when his eyes start to glimmer with tears of mirth.
"Blimey. Yes, I'm awake now," he sighs, still catching his breath, a grin stretching across his face.
"Blimey?" Hope asks, cocking her head to the side. "You've been hanging around too many Englishmen. Come on, let's go have a very Welsh breakfast."
Remus sits up in his bed quickly as excitement courses through him. "Do we have any bara brith?"
In the doorway, Hope turns and smirks knowingly at him. "I made some yesterday before you got back. I suppose you'll have to come down and join me lest it all be eaten."
"You wouldn't," Remus pretends to be shocked and presses a hand to his chest.
"Oh, I so would," she lets out a joyous bark of laughter and runs out of the room.
"Mam!" Remus shrieks as he jumps out of his bed and follows her down the stairs. He reaches her just as she's rushing through the doorway to the kitchen, and he instantly wraps his arms around her and lifts her off the ground.
"Lyall! I'm being kidnapped!" Hope yells, but her giggles take away any seriousness that may have been in her tone.
"I'm the child, remember?" Remus reminds her.
"Fine, I'm being mother-napped!" She blows a raspberry at him as she continues to squirm in his arms.
"Oh, never mind, you're much more a child than I am," Remus snorts.
"Remus, what are you doing to your poor mother?" Lyall inquires as he enters the kitchen, a jokingly stern tone to his voice. There's a newspaper in his hands that he drops onto the table.
"Me?" Remus gapes. "She is trying to deprive her wonderful, intelligent, amazing son of bara brith."
"Ooh, there's bara brith?" His tad perks up, immediately walking over to the fridge. He makes a noise of approval when he locates what he's looking for and Remus watches as he pulls out a plate with a loaf of fruitcake sitting on it, looking plump and fresh.
Remus puts his mam down and she narrows her eyes at him teasingly. She's always been a very playful person, his mam, always so full of life. She reminds him a bit of Marie in that way, Sirius too. No one else could have gotten him out of bed at - he checks the clock - seven in the morning on a Sunday.
The three Lupins sit down together for breakfast, bara brith filling each of their plates. His mam brings out a bowl of cream that she freshly whipped the night before, and Lyall grabs the strawberry jam. Remus is the one to fetch the orange juice from the fridge. They each fill their glasses and spread cream and jam on their fruitcake. Remus laughs when his tad gets cream stuck in his beard, whilst his mam tuts fondly before wiping it off for the man with a napkin.
"What time are you leaving?" Remus asks once he's finished his breakfast, plate licked and all.
"Who taught you to eat like such a slob?" His mam comments with a grimace.
"Sirius probably," Remus feels a chuckle ready itself in his chest, but then an image of Sirius and Jess huddled up closely together on the train yesterday enters his mind and he finds himself frowning instead.
"You alright, cariad?"
"Hm? Oh! Yeah, I'm fine. So, when are you going?"
Hope stares at him calculatingly for a moment and then appears to drop whatever question she clearly wants to ask him. "In about twenty minutes. Did you hear me, Lyall Lupin? We're leaving in twenty minutes, so go and get out of your slippers, would you?"
"Oh, fine," his tad lets out a tired sigh, but leans in to press a soft kiss to his wife's cheek before leaving the kitchen.
"Honestly, that man," Hope shakes her head and sends Remus a cheeky smile.
Remus knows that Mass ends at ten o'clock, which means his friends will be free just after then. His plan is to stop by Felix's first because he imagines Cara will already be there with him. Then, they can fetch Hugo on the way to Marie's. He hopes it will be just like old times, hopes all of the change they have had to endure recently, what with Remus and Marie breaking up and then them all finding out he's a Wizard, hasn't affected their ability to act normally. He just wants to be normal, that's all he's ever wanted.
When ten o'clock hits, he leaves the house, locking it up behind him because his parents both have to work. His mam only has to work until the afternoon hits because she never keeps the bakery open for very long on Sundays, sometimes she doesn't open it at all, but with the summer holidays being upon them, there are more tourists around.
Felix doesn't live too far away, just less than a ten-minute walk from Remus' house. So, Remus expects he must have only just got back from Church when he makes it to Felix's doorstep. He uses the doorbell that hums a cheerful little tune and finds himself uncharacteristically anxious to see his Muggle friends again.
Unexpectedly, it's Hugo who answers the door. Remus' surprise must be evident on his face because Hugo is giving him an explanation before he even gets a hello. "We're hanging out here today. Come on in. How have you been, Remus?"
"Alright," Remus shrugs, toeing off his shoes and neatly laying them on the shoe wrack Felix's mam keeps beside the door. He smiles at Hugo. "How about you? You've got GCE's next year, right?"
"Yeah, I think they call them GCSE's now, actually," Hugo corrects him. "I don't know, the British school system still confuses me."
"Be happy you don't go to my school. One of the fail grade's is called Troll," Remus snorts and is relieved when Hugo chuckles, too. He is glad his friend doesn't find it odd that he has brought up the Wizarding World so simply, he'd been afraid his friends would find it too weird.
"We're up in Felix's room," Hugo says and so they head up the stairs to where Remus knows Felix's room is, it's an instinct now because he's been here so many times. When they enter the room, Remus is confused at the sight of only two of his friends sitting around the room. Felix is on the floor setting out a game of Monopoly and Cara is sitting on a beanbag chair in the corner of the room, lazily playing with a strand of her hair.
"Remus," Felix grins up at him, just as happy to see him as he's always been. More relief. "I was wondering when you'd show up."
"Hey, Felix," Remus smiles back and then nods at Cara who gets up from her chair and approaches him.
"I'm so glad you're back, these two are extremely boring," she gestures to Felix and Hugo, who has now taken a seat on the floor beside Felix.
"I'm your boyfriend," Felix says, offended.
"And I'm your friend," Hugo adds.
"No need to take offence, boys, but I do see you every single day," Cara raises an eyebrow at the two of them. "We're running out of things to talk about."
"Not true," Felix argues. "I could talk about how much I love you for weeks straight."
Cara just rolls her eyes, her lips quirking up into a small smile. That's new. The last Remus checked, they hadn't confessed their very obvious love for each other to each other yet. Hugo groans, which makes Remus think this topic has come up several times before.
"That is the one-hundredth time today, Felix. Tu vas me rendre malade," Hugo exclaims a bit dramatically.
"Did you just tell me I look sick?" Felix asks.
"No," Hugo sighs, raising a hand to his forehead as he slowly shakes his head, exasperated.
"So, how have you been? James hasn't mentioned you in any of his letters for a while and you stopped writing in February," Cara says in a tone that suggests she's been worried about him. Remus knows she would never admit that out loud and, for once, he isn't going to make fun of her for it. The truth is, he hasn't known what to say ever since he realised he liked Sirius back on Valentine's Day because he's ashamed. He's ashamed that he might have liked Sirius during his entire relationship with Marie because he never wanted to be unfaithful to her. She deserved so much better than him.
"Sorry, I was... busy. Inside my head." He scratches the back of his neck, not knowing quite how to explain himself. "What about you? How have you been?"
"I've been better," Cara shrugs, sniffing and looking down at the ground. "I've also been worse."
Remus watches as something conflicting passes through Cara's expression when she glances back up at him. He finds himself opening his mouth and whispering, "Where's Marie?" Her absence is so very obvious. Marie is a loud person, excitable too, and Remus is used to her hovering around him, they were best friends for years before they ever dated. It's strange not having her around.
He notices as Felix and Hugo's hands still where they had been sorting through the Monopoly money. Felix looks over at Cara and Remus, whilst Hugo remains staring at the ground.
"Cara?" He prompts.
"She's not coming," Cara mutters. "She hasn't been around for a while."
"Wait, what do you mean? Did... did she move?" The thought causes Remus' heart to drop into his stomach. Surely, someone would have told him if she did. Even with their failed relationship, Marie would have said something to him, wouldn't she? Panic settles inside of him as he stares down at Cara with pleading eyes.
"No, she didn't move, but it's... it's complicated, Remus. She's been going through a lot and she doesn't really want to see much of us anymore," Cara explains, not at all sounding bitter as Remus expects her tone to be based on her words. Instead, she sounds heavily concerned and maybe even a bit afraid. It's a horrible thing to hear from Cara who has always appeared so strong in Remus' eyes.
"What do you mean, going through a lot?"
"Her mam," Cara says and Remus' head fills with every possible end to that sentence. The last time he heard from Marie's mam, she was sick. Did something happen? Is she okay?
"What, Cara?" Remus' panic must show in his voice because Cara is quick to reply.
"She left."
"Left," Remus echoes.
"Yeah," Cara clears her throat. "She left. She packed up in the night and she ran away and she didn't even say anything. Marie hasn't been the same since, she's... Remus, I don't know what..." She stops and frowns, apparently not used to the uncertainty Remus imagines she is feeling.
"When was this?" His voice is blank.
"The beginning of May," Hugo speaks this time. He stands from his place on the floor and walks over to Cara, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder, just a light touch, not too much.
"You're telling me Marie's mam left a month ago and none of you thought to say anything?" Remus' voice rises against his will. Something like anger, something territorial, wolfish, fills him and he realises that it doesn't matter if it never worked out with Marie. It doesn't matter that they are going to end up with other people, Remus will always feel this innate need to protect her, to make sure nothing can harm her. It feels strange to admit to himself because it doesn't make very much sense, but Marie feels like pack, just like James, Sirius, Peter and Lily do on the night of the full moons, that's how Remus feels about Marie. He would do anything to ensure her safety, to guard her from any hurt the world wishes to inflict upon her, but he couldn't be here for this. He wasn't. He missed it. How the fuck could he have missed this? The signs must have been there, right?
He remembers Christmas Day and how it had only been Marie and her father who showed up to Church. Her mother has always been the most faithful woman Remus has ever met, even more so than his own mam, and yet she had skipped Church on, arguably, the most important day of the year for her religion. Marie had said she was sick and maybe that was true, but that was no reason to run away, to abandon her daughter.
"Why?" Remus rasps, feeling an unexpectedly large amount of loss hit him when he realises that this is actually real. Marie's mam, a woman Remus has known since he was five, is gone. He has known her for ten years, two thirds of his life. He might not have been very close to her, not like he is with Felix's parents, but he had known her for so long that he'd gotten used to having her in the side lines of his life. And Marie... she's just lost her mother.
"Justine," Cara remarks bitterly. That is all it takes for something to click in Remus' head. For years he had been hearing about the drama between Justine and her husband, two loyal members of the Church, and yet there were rumours that one of them were having an affair. Justine's husband had been kicked out of the Church back when Remus was twelve because Justine had made a public comment about his apparent cheating. But last year, Ronnie, one of the shopkeepers in the village, a friend of Remus' mam actually, had spotted Justine with someone and it became evident that it had been her who was the cheater, not her husband. He was welcomed back to Mass after that, Justine was not.
Remus had spent a small chunk of last summer wondering who she could have been caught with, he'd even giggled with his friends about it. Justine, the perfect member of their small community, was not so perfect after all.
Remus doesn't think it's very funny anymore.
"Marie's father?" Remus finds himself asking.
Cara and Hugo share a look and then Cara is hesitantly nodding and Remus feels sick. Marie's father was the man Justine was having an affair with? He is the literal constable of their village, the head of the law enforcement for miles. He was having an affair, too, and it's been going on for years.
Remus thinks about Marie and his instincts tell him to run to her, but something stops him. Marie has always looked up to her father, he was her favourite person when she was little and he clearly loved his daughter very much, all you had to do was look at the way he treated her to know that for certain. If only he could have been as good a husband as he is a father.
If his friends know then surely that must mean everyone else in the village knows, too? He remembers what Marie had said to him on Christmas, on the day she broke up with him. It was all too heavy, whatever it was she was holding. Had she known then? She said she had made a promise, maybe that meant she wasn't supposed to tell anyone, so would she have told the rest of their friends? He knows Marie, she isn't one to break a promise. She would rather let herself be eaten up by whatever promise she made than divulge it to the world without permission.
"Did she tell you?"
"We found out at school," Felix mumbles, coming to stand with the rest of them. "Cara heard it first from Livy Roberts and we all know what a shit-stirrer she can be, so we didn't believe her at first. Then, word started to spread and Marie didn't deny it when people approached her about it. She stopped coming to school as soon as the rumours reached the whole school."
"She stopped going to school?"
"Her mam had just left and the rumours were too much, I think," Cara explains, her eyes distant. "It was only a couple of weeks before the end of term, so her father just called her in with the flu. We tried going to her house to check in on her, but she hasn't let us in."
"Then, I saw her at the marshes last week with that Billy guy and his friends. She wouldn't even give me the time of day, just let Billy run me off," Hugo says. "She's- do I?" He glances at Felix and Cara.
"Just tell him. He'll know soon enough anyway," Cara sighs.
"Well, you know, Billy and his lot are all- they all take drugs and, well, when I saw Marie, she..." Hugo pauses like he can't even say the words aloud.
"She was taking drugs?" Remus asks. He feels like all he's doing is asking questions and echoing their words, but he doesn't know how else to react. He wonders why his parents didn't tell him any of this. Surely, they also would have heard about the rumours, known the truth of them, known that Marie's mother left. Why didn't they think it would be important to tell him that?
"Yeah," Hugo admits in a whisper.
An image of Marie flickers through Remus' mind, young and vibrant, the sort of child who was dramatic and loud, but never threw tantrums, never acted out to get people's attention because she already had it. Her parents adored her, people's heads turned to get a look at the cheerful, little girl who passed them on the street. Remus remembers the first time he had met her, he wasn't very fond of her, not at first. She was too loud and flung herself about thoughtlessly, touching anyone and everything like she couldn't help herself. But he couldn't not look at her. She was beautiful, a stereotypical type of pretty with her light-blue eyes and golden curls. While Remus never believed in the whole religion thing - or maybe he did once, but he lost his faith a long time ago - Marie always did. She never once turned her head on her beliefs, never questioned them, never stopped praying. She prayed every night, that was another thing Remus grew to love about her.
The first time she told him she did this, he laughed at her. He remembers the way her face had fallen, but not in offence or anger, not upset at him, but for him. She explained how important it was for her, how even if God couldn't hear her, an angel might be listening. She taught him about manifestation, something her mam taught her as soon as she could, and how if you believed in something enough, wanted it enough and earned it, you could get it. Remus didn't quite believe in that at first either, he recalled thinking he could wish and wish and wish he wasn't a werewolf, but that couldn't change the past.
Then, when he expressed how unrealistic the idea sounded, Marie told him that it wasn't all about just saying it to the universe and hoping the universe would do it all for you. No, the point was that you wanted the universe to hear you ask for help, and it would, but not until you put in the effort first. The effort and the steps, those were all yours, but the universe was the factor that ensured your prayer was heard and pushed you that much closer to what you were wishing for.
Remus wonders if she's manifested about this or if she's given up. He can't imagine any version of Marie resorting to drugs, it just doesn't sound like something she would ever do. Not unless she's given up. Remus doesn't even want to fathom the idea of that being a possibility. Marie has always been the girl who hoped and wished and prayed, she always believed in a way that was so authentic that Remus found himself believing, too. Maybe not in any God, but maybe in angels, he was sure Marie was one sent to him from the universe. Perhaps God wasn't listening, but maybe the universe was.
The thought that the person who finally got Remus to believe in something again might no longer believe in it herself... It's like watching your hope die in front of your eyes.
"You said she won't speak to you, but what about in Church? Couldn't you talk to her afterwards, or-"
"Remus," Felix cuts him off, looking at him with something that resembles pity. "Marie hasn't been to Church since her mam left."
Remus feels himself step backwards and, at first, he isn't sure if it's him reacting to what Felix has said or if it's him getting ready to run to Marie. Then, Cara speaks.
"Remus, don't."
"I... I need to..." Remus finds himself saying. He blinks harshly and then he's hurrying out of Felix's room and rushing down the stairs. He chucks his shoes on, not even bothering to do the laces up as he is quick out of the door. Hugo is the only person who follows him.
"Remus!" He calls out, possibly the loudest Remus has ever heard him speak. "What are you going to say to her?"
"I- I don't know," Remus admits, feeling like he has cement sitting in his stomach. How did his day go from playful and happy to this? He feels like everything he's known for the last decade of his life has just been labelled a lie. Everything is upside down and inside out and it's making him feel dizzy and sick. "I'm sorry," he offers, it's all he has right now, before he starts running. He runs all the way to Marie's house, getting there in just over three minutes, a record.
The house stands tall, welcoming, it looks the same. That is what startles him the most, from the outside, it looks the same. So many memories, so much history, all ruined by one man's actions.
Remus doesn't let himself stall for long. Soon, he's marching up the driveway and pounding his fist carelessly against the door, not bothering to use the doorknob. Something desperate squirms under his skin as he waits for an answer or for the absence of one. Maybe Marie just won't answer, maybe no one's home, maybe her father will be at the door. Remus isn't sure how he would react to that last scenario. The urge to punch the man for turning everything upside down and inside out for Marie is appealing, but he knows he would never, could never, not without upsetting Marie.
After a minute of no response, he raises his fist to knock again, but the door opens and he drops his hand. Something cold vibrates under his skin at what he sees, at who he sees.
"Oh, it's you," Billy Ronson says as he glares at Remus, looking him up and down. Remus hasn't seen him since last summer, not since they fought at that party, the very same one Remus and Marie had their first kiss during.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Remus snaps, pushing past the boy and into the house. "Marie! Ma-"
"Billy, whoever it is just tell them to fuc-" Marie pauses as her eyes land on Remus. She's just come from the kitchen and Remus feels himself freeze as he takes in the sight of her. There are blackish circles underneath her eyes- her eyes. Remus has always thought Marie had such bright eyes, but now they are dull, so very dull. It's like watching storm clouds rolling in on a clear-blue summer's sky, stealing away all the sunlight and replacing it with rain.
Remus' eyes travel down and he notices that Marie is only wearing a t-shirt. It isn't hers, he knows that for certain. It's much too long, reaching halfway down her thighs, and has an AC/DC design on it. Marie doesn't listen to that band, she always told Remus they gave her a headache. His eyes drop to her arm, the inside of her elbow is bruised and there's a red cut there that still looks fresh with blood. The skin on her face is clammy and much paler than usual. Her hair... somehow, it's less vibrant, it doesn't glow so much anymore and her curls are flat, not taken care of.
"Remus," Marie says. Just his name, and yet that's enough to bring him back to himself. He blinks and looks between Marie and Billy. Billy... who isn't wearing a shirt.
There are so many things he could say.
Are you okay?
Why him? Why Billy when you know I hate him?
Why are you wearing his shirt?
How long did you wait after we broke up before you let this happen?
Tell me it isn't what it looks like.
Tell me you're still my Marie.
Marie.
He doesn't say any of that. Instead, he looks at the girl who has all of his secrets. Every single one. She knows he's a Wizard, she knows he's a werewolf, she probably knows he likes Sirius. She's always known everything about him and it's completely fucking terrifying to be known so entirely by someone. Remus would be terrified were it not for the fact that he knows her just as well.
Now, he's horrified because the girl standing in front of him is not Marie. She resembles Marie and she knows all of Remus' secrets just as Marie does, but his Marie would never let them end up in this situation. With Remus stuck between the girl he loves, the girl who broke his heart only to promise they could remain friends, and the boy who used to laugh at him for having seizures in the school playground. Never would she betray him like this, not even during her worst days. Maybe he put her on a pedestal that was too high, one she wouldn't be able to climb up to, and maybe that's on him. But is it his fault that he always thought Marie was an angel, that she could fly? Is it his fault he thought he knew her well enough to be certain she'd reach it?
"Remus," she repeats, her voice cracks and she steps forward.
Remus steps back.
"No." It's the first thing he's said and he's almost certain it'll be the last. He thought she broke his heart last Christmas, but this hurts so much more. They have always been soft with each other, even when they were fighting, they were considerate about their words, careful not to cross boundaries. This is the first time he's ever felt cut by her and it stings, it feels like being stabbed. He thought he was safe with her, he was used to nothing but softness, care, and love. He never even considered the idea that she could be someone to cut him one day, to add to the scars he owns because not all of them are physical, he knows that more than a lot of people do. He let himself be vulnerable and maybe that's why the cut hurts even more, because he had nothing protecting him because he didn't think he needed it.
Now, he's bleeding.
And it's Marie's fault.
The urge to protect her and the fear from being attacked rival inside of him. He doesn't know what to do. He's scared. Fuck, he's so scared.
"No," he repeats, voice tighter. Tears spring to his eyes and they are tears of fear. "No."
Again, he runs. He feels like he's been running all day. His day began with him chasing his mam playfully through the house and now he's running away out of fear. Craving for that same comfort he felt earlier, he runs to his mam's bakery. It's barely the afternoon, so he imagines she's probably packing up by now, getting ready to go home. She's probably expecting an empty house, thinking Remus will be out with his friends and Lyall will be working until late.
Remus can tell she isn't expecting to see him when he bursts through the door of the bakery, the bell above the door rings happily and Remus wants to grab it and squeeze it in his fist until it shuts up.
"Remus?" His mam walks around the counter and is in front of him in a second, concern fills her brown eyes.
"Mami," he croaks and a sob wrenches itself from his chest. He's just glad the bakery is empty, not a customer in sight.
"Oh, my baby," she closes the space between them and brings Remus into her arms. Something feels lost inside his chest now, some intrinsic faith he didn't even realise he was still holding onto, it's gone. Evaporated in a manner of seconds, because Marie isn't an angel and if those don't exist, then what's the point? It's enough to make his knees buckle and he drops to the floor, not even flinching when his knees bang into the hardwood. His mam goes right down with him, cradling his head into her chest as he cries.
She holds him until he's exhausted and can't cry anymore, until all he can do is hiccup with how hard he cried.
"Remus," she whispers after a while of nothing at all. "Darling, what happened?"
"I lost her," he rasps and it's such a heart-breaking confession. Only six months ago he was crying into his mam's arms in their living room about this very thing.
I feel like I'm losing her, he'd said.
His mam had assured him that sometimes people are only meant for each other for fleeting moments. When they broke up the next day, Remus thought he'd lost her then, but Marie came to him a few days later and showed him that even if he lost the way he was loving her, it didn't mean he lost her completely. Stupidly, he had hoped that meant he got to keep her. Now, he's lost her and he didn't even see it coming. Stupid.
You're allowed to love her forever, Remus, Hope had told him and he knows he will. He'll always love Marie. There isn't a version of her that he couldn't love. Even in her absence, he loves her.
It's an effort for his mam to scoop him off the floor. She allows him to sit there for a long time, but eventually is the one who gets him to stand again. She tells Remus something that he thinks is supposed to instil some hope inside of him, but it only works to ruin him further. He doesn't tell her that, he just lets her speak.
"Marie hasn't been handled very carefully recently, Remus, but she isn't broken. She isn't," there's enough conviction in his mam's voice to make him want to believe her, but he feels so hopeless. "She is much stronger than she lets on. People see her and they expect her to be delicate, but you know her better than most and you know that isn't true. She isn't broken, Remus, she's just injured. Time is all you can give her and I think you deserve it yourself. You have been through so much this year already, cariad. Don't let this break you, not yet. Don't give up on her."
"And if she's a fleeting moment?"
"You misunderstood me," Hope rests a calming hand on his cheek and tilts his head up so he's looking at her. "What you had before Christmas? That is over, that was fleeting. But you have had each other for so much longer than that. Years don't qualify as fleeting, Remus. Marie isn't a fleeting moment, what you briefly had with her was, but she isn't."
Remus hopes with everything he has that she's right.
***
Astro
Astro's life was never anything noteworthy, the most interesting - or maybe not interesting, but different - thing about him was that he was raised by a single mother. Children bullied him for not having a father when he went to primary school. It was abnormal, most children had fathers, but he never did. He was a quiet child, not very sociable, not one to initiate conversation with other kids. It isn't that he was shy or that he was afraid because he had been bullied his whole life. He just didn't think the people around him were worthy of his time. The only person he ever allowed to truly see him was his mother.
Growing up felt like an adventure at times, his mother always made sure his life was never boring. She would take him out on trips to science museums and the circus. Even though they didn't have very much money, she would always find a way to make him happy. His mother reminded him of the characters you only find in fables and children's stories; she radiated joy and always dressed in crazy, colourful clothes that people on the streets would snicker at, but she never seemed to mind, so Astro didn't either. He always admired his mother for her ability to be exactly who she was in front of the entire would without caring about whoever might be watching her and judging her for it. Aurelia Sayre was Astro's whole world, the only constant he ever had.
A few weeks before he was due to turn eleven - he would be starting high school in September, even though he wouldn't turn eleven until the very end of August - something very strange happened. Astro was used to his somewhat normal life, it was quaint, perhaps a bit simplistic, but he didn't mind. He liked it that way.
He was making his way down the stairs of the cottage he and his mother shared, excited because it was a Saturday and that meant his mother would treat him to a movie at the cinema in town. However, when he made it down to the living room, he noticed an owl was tapping on the window. His first thought was that it must have been a trained owl because, surely, no wild owl knew how to knock like a human. His second thought was where could his mother be?
He called for her a few times until he got a reply. She came in through the backdoor that was attached to the kitchen and came up to his side, resting a gentle hand on his back. He pointed at the window and when his mother's eye came to land on it, she froze.
It took her a moment to collect herself before she was crossing the room and letting the owl in. Astro panicked slightly, wondering why on earth his mother would allow a wild animal inside their house. She must have been mad.
But the owl didn't act untamed, it flew right over to the newel post that stood beside Astro, and only then did he realise there was something tied to the bird's leg. It stuck it's knobbly little foot out and Astro, confused and a bit awestruck, reached forward to take the letter from it. With a friendly hoot, the owl took off and flew back out of the window where Astro's mother still stood, looking dazed.
Astro stared down at the letter and read something even more peculiar than the owl had been.
Mr. A. Sayre,
The First Room On the Right of the First Floor
11 Fairfield Lane
West End, Surrey
With furrowed eyebrows, he unsealed the letter. He'd never received any letters before, which made sense because he was only ten and who sent letters to ten-year-olds? As it turned out, it must have been a silly joke, because it was a letter inviting him to a school of magic and witchcraft. Astro grew up reading fantasy books, it's probably his favourite genre, so the idea of such a thing sent a thrill through him, but he knew it couldn't be true. Witchcraft and magic weren't real.
It wasn't until he looked up at his mother and found her silently crying that he realised something was wrong. He went over to her and checked if she was hurt, maybe the owl scratched her on the way out or something. However, she seemed uninjured, so Astro wasn't sure what was upsetting her.
"I knew this day would come," she had said, eyes alight with tears, but gentle as they took him in. "Come, sit with me. I need to tell you something about your father."
Intrigued, Astro followed her over to their small, cushioned couch. His mother rarely spoke of his father, so Astro knew almost nothing about the man, just that he left before Astro was ever born without a word of explanation to his mother. He knew his father was a relatively short man, the same sort of height as his mother, which made sense why Astro had always been such a small child. He knew he had his father's eyes, grey with dots of blue in them, because his mother's eyes were a bright green that shone in the sunlight, whilst Astro's always seemed to remain dull. He also knew his father was named after a star, though his mother never did tell him which one.
Sometimes, if the sky was clear enough, the two of them would go out at night and lie in the field just behind their cottage and his mother would get him to count the stars. He never could, not accurately anyway, there were far too many stars to count. His mother knew a lot about Astronomy, it was one of her favourite things to learn about, she always said that was why she named him Astro, her little star.
"Your father was a very special man, Astro," she began, bringing him under her arm. He looked up at her patiently, knowing how hard it was for her to talk about the man who left her behind, left them both behind. "He had a secret that I wasn't allowed to know, but one day he trusted me enough to tell me and, at first, I thought he was just being silly. He told me he could do things like turning a daisy into a magpie or make it snow in the middle of summer."
"Could he?" Astro asked, amazed. Was his father a magician? Astro had seen a few of those at the circus and he always wondered how their tricks were possible. He knew it was never real magic because that didn't exist, but he was intrigued to learn how they created such illusions that it assumed the identity of magic.
"Well, I told him to show me otherwise I wouldn't believe a word of it," Aurelia said, her eyes faraway like she was visualising the memory so she could tell him exactly how it happened. "He said he wasn't allowed, so I told him 'nice try' and began to walk away. He followed me and in an instant, a daisy was in his hand. He offered it to me, but as I reached out to take it, it transformed into a magpie."
Astro gasped. "So, he was a magician?"
"Not quite, my love," she spoke with such softness, it calmed him. "Then, as I looked up to watch the magpie soar away, snow began to fall upon our heads. Snow in August, something I had never seen before. It was miraculous. It was magic, Astro."
"Magic?"
"Yes, actual magic. Your father wasn't a magician, he was a Wizard."
Astro didn't really believe her, not at first, not until they skipped their usual Saturday cinema visit and instead took a train into central London, where his mother showed him a place that looked as if it had been pulled right out of one of the fantasy books Astro read. Diagon Alley. It was hard to be unconvinced then, what with the blatant use of spells being casted around him. His eyes widened the first time he watched an elderly woman pull out a stick from her odd-looking clothes and whirl it around, making the bunting above her shop hang neatly where it had been uneven before.
They brought the letter with them, which included a list of items Astro would be needing for the new school year, because apparently it was real. It was all real. He would be going to a school of magic in September, the same school his father went to, his mother tells him.
Astro has always wanted to find his father, it's something he's never told his mother, not wanting to upset her. He knows it isn't fair of him to ask her about him, not when he broke her heart, not when he willingly left them behind. But now, he might have a proper chance to actually find the man. He wasn't sure what he would say to him if he ever did find him, whether he would cry, yell, or get angry - none of those sounded like things he would do. He thinks he would just ask him why. Why did he leave? Why couldn't he have been happy with them? Why would he break Aurelia's heart?
The Hogwarts Express was quite intimidating. It radiated magic and Astro knew exactly where it was taking him, it was bringing him into his father's world, a place that was always waiting for him even though he didn't know it. He sat alone in a compartment, not wanting to attract any attention to himself. He'd had enough school bullies to last a lifetime and he had never had friends before, so he wasn't sure if he could make them now.
Unfortunately, the door to his compartment opened and a group of boys - all first-years, he could tell from their black ties - walked in. The one at the front was taller than the rest and had dark-brown, almost black hair. He stood beside another boy with dark skin and a mop of curly hair on top of his head. Behind those two was a third boy, whose hair was so long it reached down to his shoulders, and a fourth boy whose hair must have been as white as Astro's, but it was longer than his, reaching his shoulders just like the third boy's.
The four of them entered the compartment and started taking seats around Astro, all stuck in conversation, except for the final boy, who stopped in the doorway. Astro looked at him and found that the boy was already watching him, a fond smile on his face as if they already knew each other and he couldn't wait to see him again. The other three boys sat on the opposite bench, and when the fourth boy finally made his way in, he sat down next to Astro.
"Hello! Sorry to take up all your room like this, but our compartment got a bit overpacked and Kingsley's a bit claustrophobic," said the tallest boy of the lot. When he said the name Kingsley, he gestured to the second boy. "I'm Benji, by the way, and that's Kirley-" he pointed to the boy with light-brown curls that brushed his shoulders, "-and that's Xenophilius."
Astro turned to the boy beside him, who smiled and held out his hand. "People call me Xeno usually, but you can call me whatever you'd like."
Staring at the pale hand extended to him for a moment, Astro decided to take it. He'd never had friends before, but these boys seemed nice enough. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
"Astro," he mumbled. "That's my name."
"Hi," Xeno said, grinning. "It's so great to meet you."
Astro couldn't help but smile back at the boy, it felt like something he had to do, like if he didn't he would be disappointing some greater deity. Maybe that idea was stupid, but he couldn't get it out of his head. He was meant to meet Xeno.
His first year went quickly and was filled with more laughter than he thinks he has ever experienced in his entire life. Xeno, Benji and Kingsley were all his roommates, and Kirley ended up in Hufflepuff, but they still remained friends. Astro was put in Ravenclaw, the house for the clever and creative, which he supposed made sense. He did like to read and painting was fun when he had the time to properly dedicate to it.
Second year was better. He joined the Potions Club their professor had set up and made even more friends there, and he made it onto the Ravenclaw Quidditch team as the Keeper. That was the year he found out about Xeno's gift. One night, Astro woke up to the sound of Xeno crying and hurried over to check on his best friend. He grew very attached to Xeno rather quickly, the boy reminded him of his mother in some ways, always dressing in loud colours and not caring what others thought of him. He was Astro's favourite of the boys because he was always so kind and seemed wise beyond his years, which Astro respected.
Astro had crawled into the bed beside him and they laid there, facing each other in the dark, the moonlight spilling in through the window enough that Astro could see tears sparkling on Xeno's face. It was a common occurrence for Xeno to have nightmares, or just dreams that upset him, but Astro had never personally woken up because of it before. Benji had, Kingsley a few times, even their fifth roommate Kelton had been a witness to them before. But this was Astro's first time seeing it for himself. He didn't like to see Xeno crying, it felt wrong watching a boy who felt so bold and unrelenting be brought down by something as futile as a dream.
"It was just a dream, Xeno," Astro whispered, trying to reassure the boy, he wasn't quite sure how to do this. "It's okay, it wasn't real."
"Yes, it was," Xeno rasped and then his eyes lit up like a light, glowing bright blue unnaturally. Astro's lips parted in shock, but also... it was something brilliant to witness. He'd never seen someone's eyes glow before. Instinctively, he reached out and cupped Xeno's face, tilting it up to get a better look. He felt tears beneath his finger tips and slowly wiped them away with his thumb.
"Your eyes," Astro breathed.
"Oh," Xeno flinched back and tried to duck, to hide away, but Astro stopped him.
"No, wait," he whispered. "They look like stars."
Xeno's breath caught, Astro could hear the way it stopped in his throat. He waited for the other boy to speak first, not knowing what else to say.
"It happens whenever I have a vision," Xeno mumbled. "I see things."
"What kind of things?"
"The future, the present, the past. All of it," Xeno frowned. "Sometimes it's too much. I don't like knowing so much. Too many sad things, too many secrets."
"Are you a seer?" Astro asked quietly. He'd read about those when researching something for their History of Magic class last year.
"Sort of," Xeno nodded. "Seers only see things through means of Divination, and they are only shown so much. I see everything, all the time, unprovoked. I don't know why, but I always have."
"You've always known what was coming?" Astro felt shocked. Did that mean Xeno knew him the first time they met?
"Yes," Xeno admitted. "I saw you coming, too."
"Wow."
"Wow?"
"That's amazing," Astro heard himself say. "I know you say it's too much, but maybe it's for a reason. Maybe the universe wants you to be special."
"Special?"
"Maybe it seems like something bad, but it will actually help you do good," Astro wasn't really sure what he meant, but he was trying. He didn't want Xeno to be afraid.
"You won't tell anyone?"
Smiling softly, he held out his pinkie finger and whispered, "Pinkie promise." Xeno looped their pinkies together and echoed Astro's words.
He had spent the last couple of years looking for his father. Of course, he didn't even have the man's name, so it was almost like asking a blind man to look for a needle in a haystack. What he did know was that his father was named after a star, so he did his research and paid extra attention in Astronomy.
In his third year, he stopped looking for his father, he stopped paying attention in class, and he even started messing up during Quidditch matches. That was the year he discovered his mother had cancer and there was nothing the doctors could do about it. They caught it late and she only had a couple of years left in her at most. Astro's entire world was ripped away from him. His mother, the person who was all he had at some point, was dying right in front of him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He couldn't even be there to hold her hand, to stop her from being lonely, because she insisted he return to Hogwarts.
It wasn't until Remus Lupin, someone Astro had barely spoken to in the past, asked him if he was okay in Potions that he actually told someone about what was going on. They had mutual friends, but they weren't exactly friends themselves. Astro knew Remus through Sirius, who was friends with Xeno, and through Peter, who wasn't dating Benji at that point, but was still his best friend. Remus wasn't the first person to check in on him, but he was the first to ask during one of Astro's harder days. Remus was kind and he offered him comfort that Astro honestly was not expecting from the boy, considering the fact that they hardly knew each other. The shock from that mixed with the pain he was feeling that day was what caused him to tell Remus what was wrong. He hadn't even told Xeno or Benji yet, but he was telling someone who might as well have been a stranger.
Remus gave him some very sound advice, and it was exactly what he needed to hear. He told Xeno what was going on after that, and then the rest of his friends. They were lovely and sympathetic, but they didn't force him to speak about it when he felt uncomfortable doing so.
The summer after his third year was spent mostly with his mother. She was slower nowadays and the chemo had taken away parts of her hair to the point where she decided to just take it all off. Astro helped her and then smiled and told her how beautiful she was once he was finished. On her good days, they went out to the cinema or to the local aquarium, something to get them both out of the house. The doctor came over once a fortnight to make sure Aurelia was alright, as alright as she could be with a terminal disease.
Whenever she was too tired to go very far, they would either sit in the field behind their house and Astro would talk to her about school, or he would read to her on the days where she had to stay in bed.
She forced him to go and visit one of his friends at one point, saying it wasn't healthy for him to be stuck to her side for three months straight when he would be going back to school afterwards and wouldn't get to see her for almost four months. Reluctantly, he agreed, but only after she promised to make sure the doctor came weekly instead of every two weeks. So, he went to Xeno's house for a couple of weeks and then he visited Benji for another week before finally coming back home.
He let himself try to enjoy fourth year, he knew that was all his mother wanted. She didn't want to feel like a burden to him, Astro would never view her as one. He started studying more to make up for his abysmal grades from last year and he put more effort into Quidditch. It was nice having distractions, it made the days go faster. He wrote to his mother every couple of days, not able to help himself. It made him feel better and he knew she liked to hear from him.
When Christmas arrived, he listened to Remus Lupin's advice from over a year ago and spent as much time as he could with her. They watched Christmas movies and Astro went out to the shop to buy Christmas snacks for them both to enjoy. He bundled his mother up in a woolly hat that Pandora had made for her once Astro told her they shaved her hair off during the summer. Pandora had insisted she make something for her so that her head wouldn't get cold and Astro was sure there was some sort of warming enchantment woven into the fabric.
After Christmas Day was over, his mother suggested he go and visit Xeno for a few days. He wasn't too keen on leaving her on her own, but she said she hated the thought of him being stuck in the house without very much company for the rest of the holidays, so he called Xeno on the phone and asked if it would be possible for him to come over until New Year's Day.
That was the plan.
He arrives on Boxing Day and the first evening goes very well. Xeno and Astro spend the evening catching up on their homework, wanting to get it out of the way so they can enjoy the rest of his visit in peace. Then, they hang out with Viera and Soniniqus until they're all yawning and head off to bed.
The next day, Xeno is buzzing and can't stop rambling about how Sirius is going to show up at some point. Astro doesn't question it, he knows Xeno enough by now to know he's probably right.
Sirius shows up at midday and Xeno immediately leads them out of the house and towards Sirius'. Astro stays silent when Sirius' dad starts acting strangely and tells them to stay in Sirius' room for the time being because his mum has a friend around. Sirius goes to make them hot chocolates, leaving Xeno and Astro alone in his room for a while.
"He's been gone for quite a long time," Xeno voices after almost ten minutes. "Do you think he needs help carrying the cups? Come on, let's go."
"Shouldn't we stay-"
"Nah," Xeno waves his hand dismissively through the air. He takes Astro's hand and drags him towards the kitchen. When they find Sirius, he's talking to his mum and a man, who Astro assumes is Andy's friend. He instantly feels bad that they have interrupted when Ted explicitly asked them not to.
Xeno introduces himself to the stranger, who smiles up at him and takes his hand, telling him his name is Alphard. Alphard's gaze turns to Astro and his expression drops.
"And you are...?"
Xeno speaks up again, "This is our friend." He pushes Astro forward gently, a hand on his shoulder and gets him to shake the man's hand. "His name is Astro Sayre."
Alphard's face pales.
Everything got every odd after that. Alphard left in a hurry after finding out the name of Astro's mother, like he recognised the name, like he might know her. Astro's mother only ever knew one person in the Wizarding World, and that was his father. Astro could see it in the man's eyes, ones so vastly similar to his own.
His father.
And Xeno knew. He knew.
They went back to Xeno's house half-an-hour later and Astro made the decision to go home. He couldn't stay there, not whilst knowing that Xeno knew who his father was this whole time, had set up that meeting, and hadn't even considered how that might make Astro feel.
Usually, he would get the train back home, and it would take almost eight hours, but Xeno suggests asking Ted to apparate him back. Astro goes with him back to Ted and Andy's shop. Sirius isn't about, which means he must still be upstairs. Astro knows it might be rude, but he doesn't want to go back up to say goodbye, he just wants to go home. Ted agrees to take him back when Xeno suggests it's important and soon Astro is twisting through space and arriving on his own doorstep. He thanks Ted and the man smiles at him and tells him to enjoy the rest of his holidays before zipping away.
When he enters the house, he finds not only his mother, but Alphard there too. He freezes in the entryway as the two of them turn to look at him. His mother is crying and she's wearing the hat Pandora made for her, covering her hairless head. Astro wonders if Alphard can tell she is sick.
"Astro, what are you doing back? I thought you were staying at Xeno's until New Year's," his mother manages to say, she wipes the fresh tears off her cheeks.
"I was, but I..." His eyes fall on the man who feels misplaced in the cottage. "Mother?"
"You should go upstairs, Astro."
"No, I'm going to stay down here," he says, stepping into the living room finally. His eyes don't leave Alphard's, who looks guilty. "How do you know my mother?"
"Astro, please..." Aurelia begs.
"Just tell me the truth," desperation laces his tone, causing his mother to close her mouth and turn to Alphard.
"I knew her fifteen years ago," Alphard says and Astro does the maths in his head. Fifteen years ago. It's eight months until his birthday, his fifteenth birthday.
"Oh my god," he breathes, feeling sick at the confirmation.
"How old are you?" Alphard asks.
"Fourteen. I'll be fifteen in August."
"Merlin," Alphard clears his throat and runs a hand through his dark, curly hair. Astro realises that he doesn't look very much like his father- Alphard. He has white hair like his mother, the same thin, pink lips she has and her round cheekbones. However, he can see some of his own features reflected on Alphard's face. He has the same aristocratic, pointy nose as he does and his complexion is just as pale. Then, there are their eyes, completely identical.
"Why are you here?" Astro asks, feeling as his expression falls blank. He doesn't want to show how this is affecting him, not to the man who abandoned him and his mother.
"I didn't know," Alphard says. "I swear, I had no idea."
"About what?" Aurelia questions, frowning in confusion.
"That you were pregnant. If I knew, I wouldn't have left. I never would have left you," he meets Astro's mother's eyes, certitude fills his features, and somehow Astro can tell he's speaking the truth.
"Well, you did leave," Aurelia speaks in a voice Astro has never heard from his mother before. She's always been such a cheerful woman, even during the last year when everything in their lives had started to go so terribly, she'd remained optimistic, hopeful. Now, there's anger in her tone.
"I had to."
"Don't give me that, don't lie. Just leave," she demands calmly.
"It's not a lie. Please, allow me to explain. Just... You don't owe me anything, Lia, but I owe you the world. You deserve an explanation, but I won't force it upon you. I'll leave, if that's what you want."
Astro's eyes flick between the two adults. He watches as they have a silent conversation between themselves, one he doesn't understand. Then, his mother is agreeing. She sits down on the couch and Astro hurries over to help her. Alphard must notice this as odd because he asks what's wrong.
"You don't get answers unless you deserve them," Aurelia says. "Alright, explain, but if it's not good enough, then I need you to leave. You can only return if Astro wants you to, but if he doesn't, you can't ever come back."
Alphard nods and sits down on the armchair opposite. Astro and his mother listen as Alphard proceeds to explain exactly why he left fifteen years ago. He tells them how he got into trouble with his family, how he was helping a friend with something that was life and death, and how he had to leave to protect her. Astro wondered which friend he could have been talking about, though a part of his brain sort of knew. Andy, it must have been.
He tells them how he had to disappear, move away from England in hopes that the Wizengamot members who knew what he did would have forgotten, or would no longer have the need to use it as leverage over him anymore. He wasn't originally planning to come back to England, not for another couple of decades at least, but that friend needed his help again, and he was the only person who could offer it.
"You could have said goodbye. You could have told me, I would have understood," Astro's mother tells him, tears slipping down her cheeks. She whispers as she admits, "I would have gone with you."
"My family, you know what they were like... they never would have excepted me running away with a Muggle. I despise my family, but I need their connections. It's the only way I can keep certain people safe."
"Who is your family?" Astro asks, realising suddenly that he has no idea what Alphard's last name is.
Alphard looks at him and grimaces as he reveals, "The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black."
Astro's stomach clenches inside of him. Black. He's a part of the Black family? Black, like Regulus Black, the boy who was his Secret Santa and bought him chocolate only a couple of weeks before. The boy who he has never even spoken to because he's always seemed so cold. The picture of a Pureblood heir. And Astro's related to him...
"I'm a Black?" He exhales heavily.
"Yes. If I am correct, your cousin Regulus is in the same year as you."
"Cousin?" Astro echoes, feeling disconnected.
"Yes and, if I am correct, you're closely related to the Rosier twins as well. Also in your year, I think."
"Pandora?" Astro frowns. She's his friend, one of his best friends, and they're related? What else is there? Who else is he related to?
"Pandora, that's right, and Evan, her brother," Alphard ponders aloud. "You have two more cousins, Bellatrix and Narcissa. Their uncle is Pandora and Evan's father."
"God," Astro mumbles.
Alphard had stayed for another hour and the three of them spoke about as much as they could. Alphard wouldn't reveal what he actually did that made him have to run away, saying it wasn't his secret to tell. Astro's mother seemed to accept that. Actually, she forgave him much too quickly for Astro's liking, though he couldn't decide for her. He, on the other hand, was not too keen on forgiveness. Not yet, at least.
Saturday - 7th June, 1975
After having spoken with Sirius back in January, Astro made up with Xeno. Sirius was right, Xeno wasn't holding the information from him maliciously, it was because he didn't have a choice. Things could have turned out differently had Xeno told him any sooner, sure it could have been better, but it also could have turned out worse. It wasn't Xeno's fault that he knew and Astro was being unfair blaming him.
He didn't go home for Easter, too busy studying for their end of year exams. His mother wrote to him and told him she wouldn't be alone because Alphard had been visiting her every single week. Astro was originally surprised by this news, however, he supposed it made sense. Alphard clearly loved Aurelia in the past, and maybe he still did. Astro remembers the way his face fell when his mother told the man that she was sick. Astro had felt bad for him because he knew what it was like to love Aurelia Sayre, someone who was so bright and colourful and wonderful, only to see her slowly fade away because the world is cruel like that sometimes.
When he arrived at platform 9 3/4 at the end of term, he said goodbye to his friends and Xeno pulled him into a hug. He had been much more touchy ever since they made up and Astro could never deny him the physical confirmation that he did forgive him. However, as they pulled away from each other, Xeno leant down, he had always been taller than Astro, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Astro felt his face turn red and so he quickly turned on the spot and hurried over to the wall that led to the Muggle platform. He could hear Benji laughing from behind him, but he didn't turn to look back at him.
Usually, he gets a bus from Kings Cross to Surrey, which takes almost two hours. However, as soon as he steps onto the Muggle platform, he is confronted by a familiar face.
"Hello, Astro," Alphard smiles down at him.
Astro frowns. "Why are you here?"
Alphard's smile doesn't falter, but it does tighten. "I thought you would rather not lose two hours on a bus when you could be spending them with your mother. So, I offered to come and get you."
"Oh," Astro mumbles, staring at his trunk. "Thanks."
"Come on then. Aurelia's been bouncing around the house all morning trying to make sure everything's ready for when you return. I've been trying to get her to lie down, but she refuses to listen." Alphard shakes his head, a fond smile curling at his lips.
Astro took his arm and they apparated back home.
Alphard comes over almost every day and when Astro asks his mother about it, she says he's been doing just this for the last six months. It isn't what he expected her to say. He knew Alphard had been visiting her, but he didn't realise the man was dedicating so much time to her.
He can hear their voices in the kitchen when he is making his way down the stairs for breakfast one morning. It's been a week since he returned home and he's seen Alphard here more than he hasn't. It's strange having another person in their space, but it doesn't feel like an intrusion like he thought it would. He can't help but think that this is what life would have been like had Alphard never left.
Just before he reaches the bottom step, he hears his mother say something that causes him to still.
"I can feel it," she says, her voice rattling in her chest. "I haven't got long and I'm so scared of leaving him alone."
"Please, don't say that. You could still have a couple of years, and by then Astro will almost be of age. He- he will be okay, I-"
"Alfie," Aurelia's use of the nickname pauses Alphard's ramblings. "Promise me you won't leave again. I know it's a lot to ask, but I need to know that he won't be left alone."
"It isn't too much to ask," comes Alphard's broken voice. "You could never ask me for something and it be too much. Never." His voice grows louder, so Astro assumes he's moving across the room, maybe closer to his mother. "I promise. I won't let him be alone."
"You'll look after him? No matter what your family say," Aurelia asks.
"I promise," Alphard responds. "I've spoken to Andy and she understands that I might not be able to help her anymore."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise. Please, don't. Lia, it isn't your fault."
"I know," Aurelia says gently. "Can I ask one more thing of you?"
"Anything," Alphard replies.
"Are you here for him or for me?"
Astro rests his head against the banister as he waits for Alphard's response. He is curious, too, even if he would never admit it out loud.
"Both of you. He's my son, Lia, I can't believe I actually have a son. I know he doesn't like me very much, or at all, but I love him so much. I've loved him since the moment I realised who he was, he's such a wonderful person. I see you so much in him." He takes a deep breath. "But he isn't the only reason. I never left you because I wanted to, it was because I had to, and I thought about you every single day. I should have come back sooner. I didn't because I assumed you would hate me, but that's no excuse and now I will always regret it."
"I don't have very much time."
"The world is so cruel," Alphard rasps. "I wish-"
"Shh, no, sweetheart," Aurelia speaks softly, cutting the man off again. "No wishing for things that are lost with the past. Believe me, it's a hopeless dream. Just stay."
"Okay."
Astro makes himself known as he walks into the kitchen. He watches as Alphard rubs at his eyes and faces the other way. Astro gives him some privacy and instead looks at his mother, who smiles radiantly at him.
"Good morning, my love. The kettle's just brewed if you would like some tea."
"Thank you," he says, walking over to where his mum is sitting and placing a featherlight kiss to her head.
"So, I was thinking, we could all go for a walk to the lake. It's a lovely day out and I'm feeling up to it. What do you think, boys?"
Astro turns to Alphard, who is watching him with a hopeful expression, eyes now dry. For the first time maybe ever, Astro smiles at the man, soft and kind, because he finally thinks he understands him. Just like Astro, just like Aurelia, Alphard has lived a lonely life. Sure, he's had people like Andy and a few of his family members, of whom he has mentioned a couple of times, that are decent, just as Astro and Aurelia have had each other, but they're all wallflowers in a way. Astro always thought it was just him and his mother, but he's actually, bizarrely, happy to know that this is something he shares with both of them. This is something Alphard can join in on with them, being lonely but together.
"I think it's a brilliant idea," Astro says, watching as his mother's face lights up. It's something he's seen more of over the last week. Alphard clearly makes her happy and Astro may not know how he feels about the man yet, but he does know that he will always be grateful to him for this. For making her final months just that much brighter.
***
Tuesday - 10th June, 1975
James
It's been a bit of a lonely summer so far for James. His parents have been out of the house more often than they've been home, which has James worried out of his mind half of the time. The war is growing worse with each day that passes and he knows his parents are a part of it. Every hour they aren't home is spent panicking over when they will return - if they will return. It's gotten to the point where Mollie has started to distract him, bringing him along with her to do her chores. He's grateful for the distraction and listens as Mollie prattles on about the most futile things, like how the tulips she planted back in April sprouted out pink when she specifically planted yellow ones. James reminded her she could just use a colour-changing charm, but this seemed to bug Mollie, so he fell silent and continued to listen to her ranting.
He spoke to her a lot, too. Mollie was one of the few people in his life who knew about Regulus.
Okay, so, none of his friends actually know about Regulus, not in that way. Lily and Remus know they are friends, so does Mollie, but they don't know Regulus is his boyfriend. Merlin, James loves saying that. Boyfriend. Regulus is his boyfriend. James had asked, expecting to get some awkward rejection as a response. They were moving quite quickly, especially since Regulus didn't even know he fancied boys until James kissed him in April. So, when Regulus agreed to James' suggestion, he was slightly overwhelmed by it. He honestly thought Regulus would be afraid even considering it because of who his family is, though James supposes he shouldn't really be judging Regulus' decisions based off of who his family is. Regulus has been breaking his mother's rules for James since third year.
Every night before he goes to bed, James pulls out his notebook and writes to Regulus, who always responds in a matter of minutes. Regulus' mother has hardly paid him very much attention so far this summer, which James is relieved about. It just means he isn't being punished by that horrid woman.
By the sounds of it, Regulus' summer has been just as uneventful as James'. In a similar fashion to James himself, Regulus has been spending his days with his own house-elf Kreacher, who James already likes based on Regulus' fond ramblings about the elf.
On the tenth day of the summer holidays, James finds himself in the gardens behind his home. His parents are out on some secret task for Dumbledore once again and Mollie is spending the day in Diagon Alley, picking up a few bits for Monty's Potions lab that are running low. James asked to accompany her, but Mollie had said she was visiting Knockturn Alley and would not be allowed to bring James down there with her.
The sun is scorching today and there are a few fluffy clouds smattered around the sky like pale freckles that distract James' eyes from the sea-blue sky. Mollie's tulips, whilst not the right colour, still looked beautiful, bringing a certain elegance to the garden that hadn't been present last summer. James has always preferred messier flowers like sunflowers and lilies - great, big things that draw the eye - but these are sweet, too.
When he feels the back of his neck begin to burn, he finds shelter under a tree, bathing in the shadows it casts onto the grass. Only when he closes his eyes and allows his mind to settle does he realise exactly where he is. He jumps up, but not in fright, more like he's startled. He takes a step back and glances up at the forest in front of him.
He still hasn't stepped a foot inside of it since he was nine years old. It's been five and a half years and he is finally able to look at it without feeling the urge to sprint away. Slowly, he steps forward and his trainer presses into the twig-littered ground daringly. He reaches out a hand and runs it along the bark of the tree in front of him.
Safe. He's safe. Nothing can get him in here. Richard Clark is in prison and it's daytime, so no dangerous animals should be out at this time.
Something comforting, like a hand holding onto his and urging him to keep moving, pushes him forward and he takes his first proper steps into the forest. He doesn't allow himself to look back, afraid he might get scared if he realises how far into the forest he is. Instead, he keeps moving forward and his feet lead him as if they remember exactly where they are going. It's a place they are familiar with, a place he spent so much of his childhood in. It's strange how much of the forest has remained in his head, even this many years later.
It doesn't take him very long to find the abandoned house. Memories hit him like the Hogwarts Express, with such force that he almost gets a headache, but this just spurs him on. He doesn't think he has ever been to this place without Harry before, and it feels like a lifetime since he was in James' life. The rotted building still looks exactly the same as it did all those years ago, still decaying and tilting just a little too far to one side. James approaches it and runs his hand up the banister of the steps that lead up to the porch. Dirt smudges on his fingertips.
Carefully, he stands on the first step, hoping it won't collapse beneath his weight, but it appears to hold, so he carries on. He makes it to the porch and has to pause for a moment. It's weird because he was always so small when he was here before and now his head almost hits the top of the doorframe. Paint chips off the outside of the wooden walls, crumbling under James' fingertips when he reaches out to touch it.
Taking a deep breath, James opens the front door and walks inside. It's dark, with light pouring in through the empty window frames, glass splattered on the floor beneath them. It's all so much tinier than James remembers. In his child mind, it had been like a palace, one just for himself and Harry. It was theirs and no one else could have it. Their imagination had built up an expectation in James' head that it doesn't even almost reach now. In truth, this place is a dump. It's a house that died very long ago and James can't see the beauty in it now.
Maybe the fact that James and Harry made it into such a wonderful place in their minds is what kept it alive, but as soon as one of them died, the house did too. Sure, it was definitely long-since abandoned when they discovered it, but James is certain it had never been this... disappointing. He remembers how they used to bring things from their own homes to add to it, things to keep there until their next visit. James had never recovered all the things he brought here. He goes on a search for them now, wondering what he'll find.
The first thing he finds is in the kitchen. It's something simple, a trinket James made out of shells he must have found at the beach. It's hanging from one of the cupboards in the kitchen, it clacks together when James lifts it off and takes it into his palm. He buries it in his pocket and continues his treasure hunt.
After that, he discovers a blanket from his house that he must have brought for warmth one day and never thought to bring back. He has a faint memory of his mother pondering where it could be, but he had never confessed that he was the one who had stolen it. He decides not to take it back now because it's very old and damp and gives off a strange smell that has James crinkling his nose. He also comes across an odd plate or two, some cutlery that he and Harry must have both taken from their own houses, and a drawing of the two of them and the house. It's stuck up on the wall of what should be the living room. James is pretty sure he was the one who drew it, it's quite awful, too. Just a pair of stickmen - one with messy hair and round glasses and the other with three straight lines sticking upwards as hair and a silly smirk - standing in front of the old house.
The next thing he finds is not his own. It must have been Harry's. It's a Muggle notebook and set of pens. He discovers it in a cabinet left in the living room and he gets a sense of Deja vu as he holds it in his hands.
"What are we going to need that for?" James had asked, staring down at the turquoise book. He didn't understand why Muggles used such flimsy paper when parchment was much thicker and wouldn't let the ink leak through to the next page.
"In case we get bored," Harry shrugged. Then, smirking, "Or in case I want to leave you a secret message. I'll hide it and you'll have to find it or you don't get to know what I said."
"Well, that doesn't seem very fair," James pouted.
"Don't worry, James. You're my friend, so you can get all the clues you want!" Harry had promised him.
James stares down at it now and finds himself growing curious. Did the cabinet count as a hiding place? Did Harry leave him a secret message? He never insinuated that he had, but maybe he just didn't get around to telling him.
He sits down on the damp floorboards and starts flipping through it. There are pages and pages of tic-tac-toe and hang man, games they must have played together that James doesn't remember. Blank pages fill his vision and he realises how desperate he had been to find something, anything, just one-
His hand stops flipping through the pages as he finds a blemished page hidden amongst all of the blank ones. Just three simple words.
I'm sorry, James.
James chucks the notepad across the room. He feels like Harry's ghost is luring over his shoulder and he is frozen in fear for a moment until he gains the courage to turn around and check but, of course, he is alone.
Those words could only have been for one thing. The thing about James and Harry was that they never really fought. They were both each other's first friend in the whole wide world, which meant they were both afraid of ruining it. They never admitted that to each other, but that's how James felt and he knew, somehow, that was how Harry felt, too. The only time they ever had a proper fight was when James stormed out of the woods after screaming the words "I hate you!" to his only friend in the world. He would never seem him again after that.
There was nothing else to apologise for and, if anything, James should have apologised to Harry. Sure, James wanted to follow his mother's rules, and yes Harry had been making him anxious, but he didn't deserved to be yelled at and left alone. He didn't deserve any of what happened to him on his last day.
I'm sorry, James, runs through his head on a loop and he knows, he just knows, that Harry wrote those words during his last day. Just nine years old, left alone in the dark in an abandoned house, feeling hated by his best friend, his only friend, and just wanting to apologise but not knowing how. He left him the message secretly in hopes James would find it, because only he could know that it was just for him.
James crawls across the floor and picks up the notebook and stares down at the words, scribbled so carelessly, messy in that way only a child's handwriting can be. Messy but endearing. He lets himself cry on that floor.
"I'm sorry, Harry," he sobs out to nothing at all. He hopes Harry can hear him. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
By the time James makes it back to the house, the sun is setting. He walks through the backdoor and into the kitchen and is immediately bombarded by his parents. His father jumps forward to wrap his arms around him, whilst his mother stands further back just looking at him with wide, watery eyes.
"Everything okay?" James asks, feeling panicked. Did something happen?
"Where were you, James Fleamont?" Effie commands in her sternest tone. She hasn't used his full name since he was a child, which means he must be in trouble.
"I was..." James blinks as he realises what must have happened. He wasn't in the house, he wasn't in the garden. They know he hates the woods, so where could he have been? People have been going missing frequently and they left him home alone. "I was in the woods."
Monty pulls away from him, resting firm hands on James' shoulders. James is almost as tall as his father now, just an inch or so less. "You were in the woods?"
"I wanted to see if I could do it," James admits, feeling silly now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He holds out his hands and shows them the things he recovered from the house in the forest. "I found some things."
He tells them both all about his journey and how he remembered he and Harry used to bring things to the abandoned property in order to make it look more like a home. He doesn't tell them about the message Harry left him, that's just his. The last thing Harry ever got to tell him, he doesn't want to share that with anyone else.
"I am so proud of you, Jamie," his father tells him, placing a hand over his. They are sitting at the table now, James' collection of things are laid out in front of them. "But you can't go wandering off on your own, not nowadays. At least, not without informing one of us first."
"I know," James mumbles. "I really am sorry."
"There's no need to keep apologising, dear," Effie says in a soft tone. "I am so very proud of you for taking that step. Now, would you like to help me prepare dinner? I've given Mollie the night off."
"Oh, I bet she loved that," James snorts.
"Mm, she did throw quite the tantrum when your mother suggested it," Monty smiles. "She'll be over it by breakfast."
When he tucks himself into bed that night, he pulls out his sun notebook from the drawer beside his bed and draws out one of his self-inking quills.
Starlight?
A minute of nothing.
It's only nine o'clock, Sunshine. Were you that eager to talk to me?
James grins to himself and starts writing again.
Of course, I was. I miss you every day that I don't see you. My life is empty without you glaring and grumbling in the background, darling.
Regulus' response comes sooner than James expects it to.
I do not glare and grumble. How dare you.
...I miss you, too.
Aww, I can practically see you blushing through the paper, Starlight. (You do glare and grumble.)
Shut up.
So, what did you do today? I avoided my mother, played chess with my house-elf, the usual.
James can't help but laugh at that. Poor Reg, he sounds bored out of his mind. James wishes there was a way they could meet up without Regulus getting into trouble with his mother.
Your day sounds absolutely riveting and I am extremely jealous that Kreacher got to see you and I didn't. I went into the woods today... for the first time since that night. It was hard, but I actually did it.
It takes a while for Regulus to write out his next reply.
That is amazing, Ja Sunshine. I am so proud of you and I wish I could have been there afterwards to make sure you were definitely okay. I might not have known Harry, but I know with certainty that he would also be extremely proud of you right now. I sort of wish you hadn't told me that now because I really want to hug you, but I won't see you for three months.
I hope these are the quickest three months of our lives because I want to hug you, too.
They talk for a couple of hours, until James' eyes are drooping and he's beginning to lose the grip on his quill. Regulus must notice his handwriting slacking because he tells James to go to bed and James loves that Regulus knows his handwriting well enough to know when he's half asleep.
Wednesday - 11th June, 1975
James is sitting on the rug in the middle of his family library, a book on occlumency open on the floor in front of him, his eyes closed. He hears the faint sound of the door opening, but he doesn't open his eyes as he continues to focus on picturing his occlumency house. He has filled it out a lot over the last year and is rather good at directing himself through it efficiently. He's also become quite skilled at purposefully diverting Regulus to the wrong room, something he has done on multiple occasions. He isn't exactly a natural occlumens, but he can admit that he's talented when it comes to the subject.
Spending a lot of time in his mind's house has helped him a lot because it means he knows the mental area more and, that way, it's simpler for him to find exactly what he is looking for whenever Regulus invades his mind. He just hopes it will be as easy whenever, if ever, someone else uses legilimency against him. James trusts Regulus enough with everything now, he doesn't think he owns a secret that he hasn't shared with Regulus.
Stepping out of the room he was just in, he locks it by imagining a padlock appearing across the front of the door, chains bolting it up. Then, he blinks his eyes open and looks up to find his mother sitting on one of the armchairs to his left. There's a book resting on the arm of her chair, but she isn't paying attention to it, instead opting to watch James.
"Hello, dear," she smiles warmly down at him. "What are you up to?"
"Just practicing something I read about." He gestures to the book lying in front of him on the floor. It isn't the book he acquired from Godric's room, he finished that one ages ago. He found this one in his family library and it has been relatively helpful, though most of the information it contains he already knows.
"Anything you don't mind sharing?" She pats the empty seat beside her and James stands up from the floor, taking the book with him, closing it. He drops down into the armchair and faces her.
"I've been learning occlumency," James says, cautious about his mother's reaction. He hasn't actually told anyone about this, not yet, because he doesn't want to have to lie to them when they ask who has been helping him. It would be different if Lily asked because then he wouldn't have to make up some story about how he's been teaching himself, with her he could say Regulus has been helping him.
"Oh, what an interesting topic. Have you been making any progress? I am rather good at it myself, your father, however, is not." Effie chuckles and James can't help but sigh with relief at her reaction.
"I'm getting really good at it, actually!" James admits, excited. "I've been using the house method. Are you familiar with it?"
"I am," his mother nods. "Would you like to share your progress with me? Only if you're comfortable, of course."
James understands what his mother is asking immediately. She wants to test out his skills by performing legilimency on him herself. James thinks about all the secrets he's been holding and wonders if it's worth it. He has been practicing for a year now and he is getting confident in his abilities to hide certain secrets from view, which is why he agrees.
As soon as his mother recites the incantation, James feels as her magic enters his mind. It's warmer than Regulus', familiar almost, like his own magic recognises it. He allows her to walk over to the porch and then through the front door. Each door inside the house is bolted up, all with identical locks, all the same colours. Nothing stands out on any of the doors, nothing that could signify what awaits behind each one.
Effie attempts to unlock the first one and then frowns when she fails, making James grin at his own achievement. He doesn't let his guard down, even as pride swirls through his stomach. He's gotten very used to Regulus trying to distract him and then use that moment of vulnerability to strike. It hasn't worked on him since February. His mother's expression morphs into an impressed smile when she realises James dodged her distraction technique.
When she tries to get into the next one, he decides to let her in. He's stored away equally vulnerable and simplistic memories, thoughts and secrets into each room. That way, he can just bring forth an embarrassing memory and the person will most likely assume he didn't mean to show them that and they will think that is what he was trying to hide the most. He displays this technique now and presents the memory of him face-planting into a puddle at the mere age of five. His mother laughs and then slowly backs her way out of his mind.
"Very impressive," she tells him approvingly. "Where did you learn those methods? I know some of them are only learnt from experience."
"Oh, um, I have a... friend who is a natural occlumens and legilimens. He's been teaching me since last September."
"Does this friend have a name?"
James winces at the use of the term 'friend'. Regulus is so much more than a friend.
"...Reg," James says, not willing to offer up Regulus' full name. He knows his mother would never tell him he couldn't befriend Regulus, but he is afraid she might accidentally bring him up in front of Sirius and then James' life would be over. That sounds dramatic, but it's true. Sirius would probably kill him and then Regulus.
"A new friend?" Effie tilts her head.
"Not really."
"I've never heard of him before," she muses. "You must trust him plenty if you are willing to allow him inside your mind, James."
"I trust him with my life," James mumbles.
"Hm." His mother continues to watch him, a curious glint shimmers in her eyes. "So, this Reg, will I ever get to meet them?"
"Hopefully, one day." James frowns. "His mother is quite strict though and he isn't... he isn't friends with my friends. They don't actually... I mean, they don't..."
Effie places her hand gently over his. "You don't need to explain it to me, James. If you trust him with your life, then that's good enough for me. If he is ever able, invite him over, and if he isn't," she shrugs, "that's okay, too. I'm just glad you have such a lovely person in your life."
James leans forward and wraps his arms around his mother, feeling as she hugs him back. He buries his face into her shoulder and breathes her in, comforted by her familiar smell.
"Thank you," he whispers.
Monday - 23rd June, 1975
Remus, Lily, Sirius and Peter arrived at James' house a few days ago and have officially been given their own rooms. Sirius takes the one opposite his, whilst Peter takes the one on James' left and Lily the one on his right. Remus is in the one next to Sirius'.
When they found out Remus' terrible arrangements for the full moon in Wales, the four of them had come up with an idea. James asked his parents - who must have already been informed of Remus' condition, that or they figured it out themselves over the years - if Remus could come over for the week around the full. He suggested they ward off the woods, so Remus could spend the moon there instead.
His parents were quick to agree as soon as they found out exactly how Remus would be spending the full moon if they did not. Remus was nervous about the idea before, worried he might hurt someone, but James had assured him that the wards his parents were setting up would not just keep him from getting out, but would also repel Muggles and other magical-folk from wanting to go in. It wasn't that difficult to convince his parents to allow Sirius, Lily and Peter around for that week, too. In fact, they asked if he wanted to invite anyone else, but he secretly decided it would be best to keep it limited to the Animagi group.
That is how he finds himself sneaking out of his bedroom on the night of the full moon with plans of sneaking down to the woods that have haunted his nightmares since he was a small child in the dark. He meets the others in the corridor and the four of them sneak downstairs and out the back door. James made sure the four of them would be able to penetrate the wards earlier after his father returned from setting them up. Thankfully, because they know the wards are there, they are able to get through them.
"Your garden is bloody massive, Prongs," Sirius whisper-shouts.
"Yeah, it's going to take us all night to get to the woods," Peter adds.
"Not if we keep up the pace," James replies.
"Are you sure you're okay going into the woods, James?" Sirius comes up beside him and puts a hand on his shoulder.
"Definitely," James nods resolutely. "For Moony."
"Speaking of," Lily chimes in, eyes stuck on the forest, "how are we going to find him?"
"I'll sniff him out," Sirius grins, nudging her with his elbow.
"Ah, how relieving. We're trying to find our werewolf friend in the middle of a magical forest and Sirius Tonks' nose is our only saving grace," Lily mutters sarcastically. Sirius squawks, offended, and starts chasing her up the garden.
"It's odd sometimes seeing them get along so well," Peter says as he watches the two of them fondly.
"I suppose," James murmurs. "Though, I think their friendship makes a lot of sense actually. They balance each other out."
"Do you remember first year when Lily hated me and Sirius?"
"She didn't hate you."
"Well, she didn't like us much," Peter huffs. Then, softening, "I'm glad she's our friend now."
When they reach the forest, they transform into their Animagus forms and follow Sirius through the forest as he barks and sprints. It doesn't take them very long to locate Moony, and James almost staggers when he realises where they are. The wolf must be used to shacks by now because he's somehow found himself to the abandoned house that James was last at only a couple of weeks ago.
Padfoot hops over to Moony and at the sight of the great, black dog, the wolf begins to jump around in excitement. Wormtail scratches at James' leg gently, and James knows he's checking if he's alright. Peter probably knows exactly where they are, if he remembers the story right. Prongs lets out a snorting sound that means he's okay and Wormtail settles his four rat feet back on the ground like he understands.
Lily - or Trixie as Sirius has begun to call her - comes up beside him and nuzzles James' stag shoulder, encouraging him to carry on. He does and the three of them follow the two canines, who are now play-wrestling as they make their way deeper into the woods.
The night ends up going much better than James suspected it would. Moony spent a lot of the time exploring, likely entranced by the unfamiliar setting. They returned to the decrepit building when it was time to go to sleep; they didn't go inside, just camped outside. Moony, Padfoot and Trixie curled up together, the lioness on the outside, licking Moony's head until he dozed off, whilst Padfoot remained at Moony's feet. James settled down against a tree, Wormtail curling up beside his folded legs.
When morning came, Lily was the first to wake. She silently nudged James awake and then he helped her get Peter and Sirius up. The only problem with the forest was that they didn't have anything to cover Remus with once they left. At least the shack had a blanket or-
"Hold on," James whispers to the three of them, who are all averting their eyes from Remus' prone form, if only to preserve the boy's dignity. He hurries into the abandoned house and collects the old blanket from inside. It smells like damp and moss, not too bad, but not exactly ideal either. When he returns outside, he places it over Remus' body and steps away.
"Where did you get that?" Sirius asks.
"The house," he points to the wonky building. "It's been there for a few years, so it's a bit gross, but it's better than nothing."
"Come on, we should probably get going," Lily reminds them, pointing up at the sky, which has now faded from orange to a soft blue.
They make it back to the house without a problem and manage to avoid getting caught as they tiptoe into their separate bedrooms, planning to get a few hours of sleep in before they need to be up. Sirius, however, surprises James when he follows him into his bedroom.
"You alright?"
"Could I come in with you?" Sirius asks, eyes wide with trepidation.
"Of course," James says, leading Sirius over to his bed once he's closed the door. They lay facing each other and James waits, knowing Sirius has something to say, but not wanting to rush him.
"I've had an idea, but I'm not sure how Moony will take it," Sirius whispers.
"What's your idea?" James asks with a calm smile.
"Well, tonight went very well, even better than normal and I think that's because Moony wasn't locked up in that horrid shack." Sirius' face twists with disgust - he's always had an issue with how Remus is treated on a full, even if it is the best Hogwarts can do for him. "I was thinking... if we did it safely and we, I don't know, maybe we could put our own wards up... we should try doing it at Hogwarts. Go into the forest, I mean."
"The Forbidden Forest?"
"Yeah. I know it's dangerous in there, but we're stronger in our Animagus forms and Moony could protect us if needs be. We could just stick to the front half of the forest, that way the worst thing we'll run into is a unicorn. I don't know, it was just an idea," Sirius sighs, his eyes meet James'. "I just want to lessen his pain as much as we can."
"I know, Pads," James mumbles, reaching out to rest his hand on Sirius' arm. "I think, if we did it right, it could work. However, I won't agree to it if the idea makes Remus uncomfortable."
"Okay, that sounds fair," Sirius nods and then yawns.
"Go to sleep, we'll talk about this more later."
"Alright," Sirius mumbles, already drifting off.
Tuesday - 24th June, 1975
The teenagers don't wake until well into the morning. When James and Sirius finally pull themselves out of bed and down the stairs, they find Lily, Peter and Remus already sitting at the table, lunch bits scattered across it. Lily is fussing over Remus' hand, which has a few small puncture marks in it from where he and Padfoot had been playfully fighting the night before. She scowls over at Sirius, who just grins.
They sit at the table and James starts piling food onto his plate, finding himself inordinately hungry after all the excursion from the night before.
"Blimey, Jamie," his father exclaims as he enters the dining room, a newspaper folded underneath his arm. "Anyone would think you hadn't eaten for days."
"Feels like it," James responds before shoving half a sandwich into his mouth.
After lunch, the five of them move into the conservatory, which has walls made of glass that allow the sunlight to stream in. Lily sets up her guitar and begins silently strumming away, humming under her breath as she does so. Remus splays himself out on one of the couches and throws an arm over his face, whilst Peter lies down on his stomach on the floor and starts writing out a letter to Benji. Sirius sits himself down beside Lily and asks her to teach him something, which she eagerly agrees to.
James pulls out his notebook and quill and starts writing to Regulus. It's times like these, when he's surrounded by his very favourite people in the world, that he wishes Regulus was here, too.
He tells Regulus about what he's doing right now and laughs when Reg makes some jealous comment about Lily being at his house. James has noticed this happen a few times now. Whenever he mentions Lily, Regulus gets all prickly and possessive. James hasn't brought it up because he knows if he does, Regulus will get defensive and stop himself from doing it, and James kind of likes it. It's just another thing that proves to him that Regulus really does like him.
"What are you always writing in there?" Remus' voice breaks through his thoughts, distracting him from Regulus for a moment.
"Hm?" James glances over at the couch where Remus has dropped his arm and is now watching him instead.
"You're grinning from ear-to-ear. What are you doing, writing a love letter to someone or something?"
"Not a love letter, just..." James gets up, crosses the room and sits down on the floor beside Remus' head. Remus props his head up on one hand and stares down at James. "I'm talking to... someone."
"Someone?" Remus raises a knowing eyebrow.
James spares a glance towards Sirius, but the boy is distracted by Lily and her guitar. Peter is furiously scribbling out something, which means he definitely isn't paying them any mind. James turns back to Remus, hoping he can trust him with this.
"I'm talking to Regulus," he whispers.
"Oh," Remus' expression doesn't change. James frowns, confused and a bit worried about what Remus' lack of a reaction could mean.
"Oh?"
"Oh. Oh, I'm surprised you actually admitted it to me," Remus murmurs. "So, I was right. You're friends with him then?"
"...Yes," James bites his bottom lip. "You don't hate me for it, do you?"
"What? No, of course not," Remus rushes to clarify, still keeping his voice low so Sirius and Peter can't hear. "So long as he isn't hurting you. It's not really my place to tell you who you can and can't be friends with, James, and I know how important friendship is to you. You don't just hand it out to anyone, so he must be special."
"He is." A fond smile curls up James' lips. "And he would never hurt me."
"Good," Remus nods. "How long have you been friends for then?"
"Since the beginning of third year," James winces as he admits it aloud. It's been almost two years now and he's kept Regulus a secret from all of the most important people in his life for this long. The worst part is that it's been easy doing so. Regulus is just worth it, he supposes.
"Bloody hell," Remus lets out a startled laugh. "Got any other secrets I don't know about?"
James' mind floods with images of him and Regulus kissing. "Not really. What about you?"
Remus chuckles. "You know my biggest secret," his eyes wander over to Sirius and then back to James. "Although, Lily did tell me something a couple of months ago that I haven't told anyone else yet."
"What?"
"You know when Alecto Carrow badly injured me in that duel back in third year?" When James nods, Remus carries on. "Well, apparently, she learnt the spell off Snape, who invented it. According to Lily, he's been creating a bunch of violent spells just like that one."
"What the fuck," James says in a low voice. "Surely that's against the rules?"
"You would think so, wouldn't you?" Remus sighs. "But I've checked and it's not. Actually, it's encouraged for 'creativity purposes '," Remus raises his fingers into air quotes.
"Maybe we could report the spell because of what it did to you," James suggests.
"It was too long ago now," Remus shakes his head. "It wouldn't make sense to bring up something that happened two years ago, especially when the school avoided it getting out and kept Carrow at the school without so much as a suspension."
"Morals should be more important than the school's reputation," James grumbles.
"It should be, yes, but it isn't." Remus frowns. "There's something else."
"What?" James asks.
"Last night, when we were in the forest, I could smell another werewolf."
"What ?" James repeats, louder this time.
"The scent wasn't strong enough for them to have still been there," Remus is fast to reassure him. "It was old, years old at least. The worst part..."
"Yes?"
"I recognised them," Remus says. James feels as goose bumps sprout all over his body, causing a cold shudder to run along his spine. He stares at Remus with wide eyes.
"But you've never met another one before, have you?"
"Just one," Remus frowns, worry clear in his features, and James understands who he is talking about immediately.
Greyback.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
cariad = sweetheart (Welsh)
bara brith = speckled bread/fruitcake (Welsh)
Tu vas me rendre malade = You're going to make me sick (French)
mami = mummy (Welsh)MENTIONS:
- Bara brith is a type of fruitcake that is often eaten as breakfast in Wales.
- I want Lyall and Hope to be my parents. Hope is genuinely one of my favourite characters in this whole fic, I love her so much <3
-I have had Marie's storyline plotted out since I first came up with her character, and it's quite sad. This poor girl has been going through it, so please don't blame her for anything she does. She's only fifteen, remember. For the whole Justine plot, I have been sprinkling little hints into this fic since the summer after first year. It's been a long time coming.
- I feel so bad for Remus, too. Really? Billy? Really? Why not literally anyone else?
- Hope hitting us with her wisdom again <3
- ASTRO!! what are you doing here, sir? No, I actually love his pov so much and I'm praying that you guys did, too.
- I have a headcanon which is basically that if someone is born during August, they get their Hogwarts letter on the 31st of July because less than a month (especially for Muggleborn kids) isn't enough time, to me personally, to decide if you're going to go off to a boarding school in Scotland for the next seven years.
- "They look like stars" I'm dying. Xeno and Astro are so bloody cute, I actually can't. And that cheek kiss? AHH.
- Aurelia and Alphard are also adorable. I feel so bad for Alphard, the person he loves is going to die and he could have had so much more time with her if he didn't help Andy get Sirius. It's all so sad, oops :/
- It shocks me every day that Alphard and Walburga are brother and sister... that's so crazy to me.
- James went into the woods (love that musical haha)! Harry's message that he left made me actually cry for some reason. Sorry about that one, guys 😬
- Sirius and Lily <3
- Little Greyback plot twist for ya at the end there :)This is going to be short because I'm still sick and I want to go back to bed haha, thanks so much for all your support and for 30k hits! I appreciate you all and I'll see you next week <3
Chapter 55: Fourth Year: The Shells
Summary:
Regulus has a horrible realisation. Jess visits Cornwall. Remus also visits Cornwall.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of implied child abuse
-discriminatory language (against Muggleborns/Muggles)
-reference to attacks
-mention of a murder
-sexist comment about how sports are a "boy thing"
-brief implication of sexual activityLet me know if I missed any warnings. This chapter is mainly a filler chapter, but I feel like the summer ones usually are anyway :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So, why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
~ Keane
Tuesday - 24th June, 1975
Regulus
Regulus is sitting in a high-back leather armchair in his library when he notices a new message from James in his notebook. They wrote to each other the night before and James told him about his day spent with his friends - which, much to Regulus' chagrin, included Lily Evans. Regulus hasn't done much with his summer, he's mainly been filling his days with homework or hanging out with Kreacher. He's received a few letters from his friends over the last three weeks; Barty is doing well, his father has barely been home, busy at work what with all of the attacks that have been happening more often this year; Evan sent a letter to Regulus a couple of days ago, letting him know that he couldn't send one any earlier because his father banned the twins from using the Rosier family owlery because he found out about Pandora's friendship with Evans (according to Evan, Pandora was severely punished for befriending a Muggleborn and when Evan tried to step in between them, he was banished from the room, left to listen outside the door).
Dorcas has sent Regulus frequent updates on her baby brothers, as well as a ton more photos for his collection. Apparently, Dayton and Darwin have entered the babbling stage. Dorcas says that whenever they see her they say "Dor", but apparently her dad thinks the twins are saying "Da" like "Dada".
Regulus has been having weekly luncheons with Scarlett, sometimes at his and sometimes visiting hers. It's the first summer he's been allowed to go to Scarlett's. Their mothers think they are still courting each other, spending the hours they have each week flirting or whatever it is young couples do nowadays. However, in truth, Scarlett spends half of the time teasing Regulus about James, which he has come to expect from her now. She and Evan were ruthless throughout all of May, commenting every time Regulus so much as glanced James' way when they passed in the corridors.
Luckily, these luncheons are private, meaning neither of their mothers are witness to them. Apparently, fifteen (or in Regulus' case, almost fifteen) is old enough for their mothers to butt out of their "relationship".
Whenever they aren't talking about James, they're talking about the upcoming school year. Scarlett is clearly very anxious about their O.W.Ls year, and Regulus can't exactly blame her. He isn't particularly looking forward to all of the stress that will be piled on top of them this year. He already knows their homework load is going to double, if not triple.
The only one of his friends Regulus hasn't heard from is Pandora, not directly anyway. Evan has, of course, mentioned her in his letters, but she hasn't sent any of her own. Barty, Dorcas and Scarlett have all confirmed it is the same case for them. Regulus sent Evan a response to his first letter of the summer a couple of days ago and in it he asked if Pandora was okay because none of them had heard from her yet. He hasn't gotten a response yet, not from either of the twins.
He picks up his notebook and grins to himself at the sight of James' very informal, but very James-Potter-esque, message.
Hi, darling 🙂
Regulus' heart sprints in his chest at the use of the term of endearment. James has started using them more often since summer started and Regulus has a hunch it's because he is making up for the fact that they can't see each other for three months, not that it's James' fault. Regulus doesn't think he has ever struggled this much with the three-month-long summers before this year, and that is all James' fault.
I like that, say it again.
Hi?
You're such an idiot.
You love it, darling.
Possibly. What are you up to?
Currently? Well, I am trying my absolute best not to rip my ears off because Lily is trying to teach Sirius a song on her guitar. It isn't going well...
Your friends are still there? You aren't all hanging out in your room, are you? Must I remind you, that having a girl in one's room is not very 'Pureblood Heir' of you, Potter.
My parents wouldn't mind if I did have a girl in my room (or a boy 😉), but no we aren't in my bedroom. We're in the conservatory, so there's no need to get jealous.
I am not jealous.
Of course not, darling. What are you up to?
Regulus glances around the library and sighs. He has been trying to distract himself with a book all morning because his mind won't stop worrying about Pandora, but it isn't really working. He is glad James decided to talk to him because he is the best distraction, a competent one at least.
Not much of anything. Kreacher is busy doing errands today and my father is working. My mother is home, but I would rather gouge my own eyes out than willingly spend more time in her presence than I have to, so my options are limited.
I wish I was there to distract you. At least it's almost already been a month, just two more to go.
Just two. Just?
Two long, painful, torturous months. Oh hold on a minute Moony is trying to get my attention.
Regulus outwardly cringes at James' lack of punctuation in that last sentence, but he supposes he can let it slide, assuming James was trying to write the sentence quickly. Sighing, he pulls his wand out and casts a spell on the newest notes shared between them, so only he can see them. This way he can guarantee that his mother will never know what he and James have been saying to each other, even if she does manage to find the notebook. He knows better than to cast a sealing charm on the book, then his mother will know he is hiding something if she discovers it.
He places the notebook to the side and picks up the novel he had previously been reading. It's an autobiography by a Wizard named Nicholas Flamel; Regulus is very fascinated by the six-hundred and fifty-year-old man. He doesn't really understand the desire for immortality, it sounds like a tiring ordeal to him.
Regulus reads three more chapters before he receives another message from James.
Sorry about the wait, Starlight. Moony just told me something interesting. He definitely knows about us. Not everything. He thinks we're friends, just like Lily does.
What did he say?
He said you must be special and that you better not be hurting me.
I would never hurt you.
That's what I told him.
Regulus smiles, liking how James truly does care about him, trusts him. Regulus isn't one to give out trust easily, but he does trust James, with everything in him.
That night, he sneaks out of his house and makes the familiar journey to the museum. He's already been a few times this summer and has been relieved each time to find the window is still broken. It's been years, you would think someone would be upkeeping the important building with it's precious possessions inside.
He wanders through halls of paintings and statuettes, marble floors and cherub-painted ceilings. The museum always reminds him of how small he is, how large the world is in comparison. It's comforting and always triggers a thought in Regulus' mind, one he's had since he was little.
If he were to run away, who could find him?
The world is massive and he has always been good at hiding.
Of course, he's got so much to stay for now. When he was little, he didn't run because he knew his father would be heartbroken if he did. That and he didn't have any wand to protect himself with. Now, he has James and his friends, people who are worth staying for. He wouldn't run away now even if he could.
Reverie is sitting in the same place on the wall as she always has. For the first time ever, it hits Regulus that she could be moved to another museum one day. It might seem ridiculous, but he isn't sure if he could handle that. There was a point in his life, when he was just that small boy who hid in cupboards to get away from his mother, when Reverie was the only friend he had in the world.
He's told her all about James. Sometimes he finds it funny how the first time he mentioned James to Reverie, he called him Potter, the annoying boy who was momentarily his friend until he wasn't. Then, there was the period of time when Potter became James, his friend. Now, he's still James, but somehow he's different. He's James. Beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous James.
Regulus updates Reverie on his latest interactions with James. He even pulls out the notebook and reads a few things out to her. For a moment, he isn't the lonely boy who hides from his mother, he's a boy giddily talking about his boyfriend in an empty museum in the dead of the night and he's happy.
Wednesday - 25th June, 1975
Regulus is miserable.
He's standing in the middle of Grimmauld's ballroom, surrounded by superior-looking Wizards and Witches, all of which turn their noses up at him like they are trying to prove their names are just as important. They aren't. Everyone knows the Blacks are basically the royals of the Wizarding World, not that his mother appreciates the Muggle reference very much. The only thing getting him through the night is the hope of seeing Narcissa, Scarlett and Evan, all of whom have been invited, thank Merlin.
Evan has been invited to multiple of the Black's functions ever since Evan's public betrothment with Holly Travers. Pandora is never invited and Regulus always feels terrible that she has to be left alone at home whilst Evan and their parents leave for the evening. At least, Pandora doesn't have to worry about her father for the night, Regulus supposes, which is a relief.
When he first locates Evan, he wanders across the room, glass of red in hand because his mother insists he drink the stuff. He doesn't mind it, but it is a bit rough on his throat. Evan is excused to go and mingle with Regulus by his father and so the two boys hurry off to the side of the room where neither of their parents are.
"You didn't answer my letter," Regulus whispers sharply.
"Sorry, I've only been given permission to use the owlery on weekends now," Evan sighs, going to lean against a wall before he remembers himself and straightens his back. "Pandora isn't allowed to use it at all. Father is paranoid she'll send a letter to Evans."
"Would she?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"She told him she would," Evan shakes his head. "Apparently, she promised Evans she would write every fortnight. Now, she can't and I can't send one for her because father is reading all of my letters before giving me permission to send them off."
"Fucking hell," Regulus frowns. "Is Pandora..."
"She's alright," Evan nods, giving Regulus a reassuring smile. "Optimistic as usual, of course. I think she is mostly upset at the prospect of worrying her friends by her lack of letters. Regulus, I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think you could..."
Regulus prevents himself from sighing. "Send a letter to Evans?"
"You don't have to. I just don't know how else to get Pan to settle."
"Do you have it with you?" Regulus asks, subtly holding out his hand.
"Thank you, Regulus," Evan sighs and, briefly glancing over at his father, he passes Regulus a sealed envelope. Regulus places it in the inner front pocket of his robes and sets a mental reminder not to forget it.
"Is Scarlett here yet?" Evan asks.
"I haven't seen her," Regulus answers. "Her mother doesn't like to be late, so I assume she won't be very long."
Regulus is right. Not two minutes later, the Starks enter the ballroom, all clad in midnight-blue robes. Scarlett's usually crazy hair has been tightly tied back into a knot at the back of her head. When her eyes find Regulus and Evan, she quickly recuses herself from her parents' side and makes her way over to them.
"We have only been here for thirty seconds and my mother has already complained about my posture three times," is the first thing she says as she reaches them. There's a tight smile on her face, something to keep up appearances, but Regulus can tell she's annoyed.
"Only three?" Evan hums. "Lucky."
"Good evening, Miss Stark," Regulus says as he notices an old Pureblood couple - relatives, he's sure - watching the two of them. They are supposed to convince all these people that they are only a couple of years away from marriage. Regulus just hopes his new relationship with James doesn't cause him to slack with his performance. He takes her hand and presses a kiss to her knuckles. "It is lovely to see you again."
Scarlett silently huffs and then clearly says, "And you, Mister Black. I hope my dress impresses you, I picked it out with you in my thoughts." He can hear the way Scarlett's teeth grit together as she speaks. Regulus knows it's all a lie, her mother would have picked it out, and Scarlett would never dress herself based on what she thought a boy would enjoy. She would rather die.
"How delightful," Regulus murmurs, unable to hide his smirk. Scarlett pinches his hand.
"Good evening, beautiful," Evan winks cheekily, reminding Regulus of Barty. "You look ravishing tonight."
"Alright, enough of that," Scarlett tuts, pulling her hand from Regulus now that the elderly couple have moved on. Evan still looks entertained by the display. "That was mortifying."
"I'm sorry you had to do that," Regulus smiles sympathetically. "If it helps, you do actually look lovely."
"Yes, I do quite like this one," Scarlett glances down at her dress and then grimaces. "I cannot believe I just admitted that. Understand that it is only because I can breathe in it, not because I would willingly wear it after tonight."
"Fair enough," Regulus chuckles. "Alright, should we get the first dance out of the way? I can feel my mother's eyes burning into the side of my head."
"If we must," Scarlett grumbles and Evan snickers, but is soon silenced by Scarlett's sharp heal to his foot.
After two dances shared with Scarlett, Regulus finally leaves the dancefloor. However, unfortunately for Scarlett, she is asked to dance again by another Wizard, who she cannot deny without coming off as rude. So, Regulus wishes her luck before going off to find Evan, only to discover he, too, is in the middle of a dance. Holly Travers is on his arm, eyes wide with joy as she stares up at Evan, who looks stoic to anyone who doesn't know him, but completely miserable to Regulus who does.
Regulus stands off to the side, hoping to be given a moment of privacy until his friends return. Alas, he's never been lucky.
Bellatrix appears at his side, almost making him jump but not quite. She's wearing a black set of robes matching her dark hair and fading lipstick. Earrings the size of chandeliers dangle from her ears and Regulus is convinced they could be used as deadly weapons.
"Reggiekins," she says in greeting and Regulus doesn't even try to repress the scowl that childhood nickname evokes out of him. "Oh, don't pout, I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to have a little fun with my favourite cousin."
"I'm your only cousin," Regulus mumbles, taking a sip out of his glass.
Bellatrix lets out a cackling laugh, her eyes crossing slightly. "Not really. Us Blacks are everywhere. Most of the people in this room are family, little Reggie."
"How fascinating." How incestuous.
"Rab has been keeping me updated on your little friendship," Bellatrix flicks her hand through the air as she speaks. "I always knew you two would get along well, little darlings."
Bellatrix is a confusing person. She says things that sound nice, could come off as nice, but are insults covered in sugar, meant to lure you in so she can wrap her claws around you until you're gasping to be set free. Regulus learnt at a very young age that there is something inherently wrong with his cousin, much like the rest of his family, actually. Still, she's different. Bellatrix is louder, less preserved than the rest of his family. No one ever calls her out for it either. For example, she has violent tendencies and would often express those tendencies on Regulus or Narcissa, almost like she couldn't help herself. She would do it in public, too, and still no one would tell her to stop. His mother would grimace disdainfully at her, but she wouldn't yell at her, not like she would if it were Regulus acting so brashly.
He has no idea why his family has always treated Bellatrix differently and has never cared for an answer.
"Rabastan's company is enjoyable," Regulus says. "He is definitely more favourable than his brother."
"Oh, definitely," Bellatrix nods erratically. "Rodolphus is like a wand that won't work right no matter how much you hit it. I should have married the younger one."
Regulus grimaces.
"Is Rabastan here tonight?" He asks, wanting to move on from that statement as soon as possible.
"He is. If you would like to go and say hello, he's over there with his little friends." Bellatrix points a sharp nail towards the west side of the ballroom. "Off you pop then. It's rude to keep your guests waiting."
With a vigorous shove to his back, Regulus is sent off on his way. He drops his half-full glass of wine off at the used glasses table, not wanting to have to endure anymore of that ghastly stuff. Rabastan notices him whilst he is still a few steps away and waves him over as if Regulus wasn't already on his way. Rabastan is about to go into his seventh year at Hogwarts, which means after next year he will no longer attend the school. Regulus isn't too displeased with this. Rabastan is fine, but he is a bit intense. For one, he agrees with his blood-supremacist parents and brother. It's a common occurrence for Regulus to find him bullying Muggleborn students. He's also got some rivalry going on with Anthony Bell, a Gryffindor in his year.
"Great setup," Rabastan grins as he throws an arm over Regulus' shoulders. "Perfect diversion." He and his friends all snicker, likely sharing some inside joke that Regulus isn't in on.
"Diversion?"
"Didn't your parents tell you?" Travers raises a judgemental eyebrow at him.
"You have got to remember he's still only fourteen, Torq," Rabastan tuts, cutting off his friend's laughter. "Don't act like you knew anything at fourteen, and I mean anything," he adds, smirking at Regulus.
"Fuck off," Travers huffs, downing the rest of his drink.
"We can tell you if you want, but you've got to promise to keep it a secret," Rabastan whispers to him and Regulus feels the urge to shiver. He hates it when people are so close to him without his permission.
"Fine then. I promise," he says.
"There is going to be another attack tonight," Dolohov grins wickedly, showing off his yellowing teeth. Regulus' stomach turns at his words.
"How do you know?" Regulus questions, careful to keep his anxiety out of his voice.
"Our parents are in on it," Travers answers.
"My brother and your cousin, too," Rabastan adds. "All working with the Dark Lord they are. It'll be my turn to join up soon."
"Join up," Regulus echoes, sickened by what he's hearing.
"Yeah, the more of us there are, the easier it'll be to clear our world of all the scum," Dolohov reveals in a bitter tone. "I'm joining next."
"Yeah, if the Dark Lord will take you," Travers snorts, earning himself an elbow in the ribs from Dolohov.
"The Dark Lord?" Regulus asks.
"Merlin, you don't even know about him yet?" Rabastan frowns, looking puzzled. "Hm. We'll let you figure that one out for yourself then, Black." He pats Regulus on the chest and it is an effort not to grunt.
"Wait. You said my cousin is involved? Did you mean Bellatrix or Narcissa?" Regulus feels panicked as he awaits an answer. He sort of already knows, but he just has to make sure.
"Bella," Rabastan grins again. "Narcissa supports him, too, but she isn't really in on it. Lucius is though."
Regulus takes a step back as his fears are proven true to him. He swallows and makes some excuse about needing to find Scarlett, but he actually goes on a search for Narcissa. He spotted her briefly earlier when she arrived. They didn't bring Nico tonight and Regulus now realises that's probably because of this attack they have planned. If Lucius is a part of it, a part of what Regulus has been reading about in the paper, then he doesn't know what he is going to do with himself. Lucius has never seemed as bigoted as the rest of the Pureblood men he is friends with, though Regulus is beginning to think he never truly knew the man after all.
He finds Narcissa relatively easily, locating her platinum blonde hair that reflects every light in the room. He gestures for her to follow him before leaving the ballroom and marching down the hallway to his father's empty office. He feels likes the walls of the corridor are closing in on him the closer he gets to his destination. He pulls his robes away from his neck, giving himself a moment of respite away from the suffocating fabric.
"Regulus?" Narcissa says as she enters the room not a minute after him.
"What does Lucius have to do with the Dark Lord?" Regulus asks without any preamble. He just needs to know.
Narcissa's eyes widen ever-so-slightly at the question and her lips clamp together. She doesn't bother lying to him, he knows her too well for her to do that.
"Lucius supports him, as do most Pureblood families in Britain," she responds simply.
"And you?" Regulus inquires desperately. "Do you support him?"
"I- I support my husband," Narcissa replies, averting his eyes. "We may not see eye-to-eye on this... topic, but I am his wife. My job is to support him."
"Your job ?" Regulus almost shouts. "What do you mean? You can do whatever you like no matter who you are married to. This isn't like disagreeing on a job promotion, Cissa, this is life and death."
"I know," she snaps, startling Regulus into silence. Her eyes are as cold as daggers, he has never seen her act like this before. "I know, Regulus," she repeats, softer as she exhales slowly to calm herself. When she looks at him this time, her eyes have thawed, watching him warmly now. "Believe me, I do. I think about it all of the time. I look at Nico and I wonder if he will one day have to support the Dark Lord, too. I hate it, but I can't do anything about it, Regulus. I haven't got any power here."
"You do-"
"Do not interrupt me," Narcissa cuts him off patiently. "I haven't got any power here, not with this. There is nothing I can do to dissuade Lucius. I may not agree with him, but I knew this side of him existed when I fell in love with him and it didn't stop me from loving him just as he is. I am not perfect, not as I am in your mind. I wish you would stop thinking so highly of me, Regulus, because I cannot live up to those expectations and I don't want to disappoint you anymore. You have always been so much better than I."
"That isn't true," Regulus mumbles, his jaw clenching as he attempts to hold himself together.
"It is and you know it," Narcissa says quietly, a sad smile curling the corner of her lips. "All I can do now is hope I don't have to watch them break you down until you're just as terrible as them."
"That will never happen," Regulus declares doubtlessly.
"I hope not," Narcissa whispers. "You remind me of how Bellatrix used to be before they got their hands on her. You're subtle about it, Regulus, but you are rebellious. You always have been. It's a trait of yours I have always admired. It might just be the push you need to escape."
"Escape?" Regulus frowns.
"Not now, not yet," Narcissa steps forward and reaches out to cup his jaw. She smiles softly at him. "But one day."
When they return to the party, it is sparser than it had been when they left. Fewer people are dancing and the crowds of conversing adults have thinned out. Lucius is noticeably missing and Regulus feels as dread curls inside him.
He wonders if anyone is going to die tonight.
Thursday - 26th June, 1975
It is mentioned in the papers the next morning. It is clear that not all of the details were published, whether because they didn't want to worry the public or because it was too horrific to mention. This attack was different to the others; instead of targeting a Muggle residence as they have done in the past, the attackers attempted to break into the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry. Regulus finds himself wondering what could have possibly captured this Dark Lord's interest. No one knows anything about the Department of Mysteries, only the Unspeakables who work there do, but they are forced to make an unbreakable vow, swearing not to speak of what they see or do in their department.
Perhaps this Dark Lord used to be an Unspeakable and he knows exactly what resides in the department. Although, Regulus knows that to be impossible. Unspeakables never leave the Department of Mysteries, they either work there until they die, or working there kills them.
The Daily Prophet states that the intruders were not able to enter the department, due to the protective procedures put in place to guard from this very thing. However, one of the guards was injured and rendered unconscious when he was found hours after the attempted break-in and the other was killed. Waylen Harvetz was his name. Regulus recognises the name almost instantly - there is a Hufflepuff boy in his year with the same surname. Was Waylen his father? Uncle? Grandfather? Brother maybe?
A man named Bernard Jugson was arrested on sight and is currently being questioned in the Ministry as he was spotted lurking by the entrance of the targeted department by multiple witnesses at the time of the attack. There were three other men with him, all of which covered their faces and have yet to be identified. Regulus wonders if one of those men were Lucius. He knows Lucius left the party at the time of the break-in last night, but so had lots of people and if only four were spotted (including Jugson), maybe Lucius was doing something else.
Regulus knows it's a childish thought, but he hopes Lucius had nothing to do with it. He doesn't want Nico to have to grow up with a father capable of murder.
He places the paper down beside his plate, done with it, and stares blankly down at his food. His appetite has completely vanished now, but he knows if he doesn't eat his mother will scold him. So, he picks up his knife and fork and starts cutting into his peppered fried egg. He tries to avoid his mother's eyes as he eats, not wanting to see her reaction to the news. Now that he knows for sure that she is in on it, he doesn't know how he is supposed to look her in the eye. He absolutely refuses to entertain the idea that his father could have anything to do with the attacks. He knows his father has been accompanying his mother to the meetings, but that could just be out of obligation. It could just be because the rest of the Blacks are a part of it, not because he actually agrees with what is going on.
Regulus' father is the reason Regulus' views and beliefs about the Muggle world do not align with his mother's. Growing up, his father used to tell him never to trust what Walburga would say about Muggles and so Regulus never did. It wasn't until he first ventured into the museum that he felt a personal connection with the Muggle world and ever since then he has fallen in love with it. It hurts to sit by and watch it be besieged in such a horrific way, and to know it's his loved ones who are doing the assaulting. And one day, he may be forced to join them.
Saturday - 28th June, 1975
During the hottest day of the summer so far, Regulus ventures out to the gardens after having spent the entire morning hiding in the library. This year, the garden is filled with blood-red roses instead of Kreacher's usual plain white ones. They climb up the cobbled bricks of Grimmauld Place like wild ivy, giving the place a more gothic look than usual.
Regulus avoids the labyrinth today and instead wanders over to the fountain on the east side of the garden. In the middle there's a statue of four snakes twisting around each other, each with their mouths open, fangs bared. Water pours from their mouths, noisily trickling down into the large stone basin below. Regulus runs his fingers through the water, watching as his reflection is disrupted by the ripples the movement creates.
When he was little, Kreacher would bring him out into the garden for some fresh air and Regulus would always beg him to take him to the fountain so he could throw a penny into it. He knows now that it's a pointless activity, but when he was small he used to think it would grant him wishes. There are only two things he ever remembers wishing for: one was that his father would get better, he was always so sick back then; two was that he would be given a sibling, just someone to play with. All he ever wanted was a friend. Thinking about it now, he's glad his parents never had anymore children. He would never wish his childhood on anyone else, not even his worst enemy.
He sits down on a nearby bench and pulls out the book he had stuffed into his back pocket. This one isn't an autobiography, but is actually a book Pandora recommended to him back in May. Pandora is always giving him books to read, usually they are about strange plants and creatures Regulus is almost one-hundred-percent certain do not exist. However, this time she has given him a book based on an investigation conducted by a Magizoologist who was researching rare animals that all Wizards and Witches learn about, but have likely never come across. So far, Regulus' favourite chapter has been the one on basilisks. For example, he didn't know that to make a basilisk all one must do is simply hatch a chicken's egg beneath a toad. He is curious to find out what the first person who discovered basilisks was actually doing at the time - it does sound like an odd activity to be taking part in for no apparent reason.
Another interesting thing about basilisks is that their name comes from the Greek word 'basilískos', which means 'little king'. Regulus likes this particular fact because his name also means 'little king'. He would hate to come across a basilisk himself, it would most likely kill him in a second, but he thinks it's cool that he shares a name with such a strong and powerful creature.
The funniest fact about them is that they can be killed by the simple crow of a rooster or by glancing at themselves in a mirror.
He's almost finished the book entirely when he decides to head back into the house. The sun is beginning to sink below the horizon, which means it must be nearly dinner time. When he enters the house, he turns to wander down the corridor where the stairs are, but is stopped by the sight of his mother, who is sitting in the lounge and watching him. He pauses in the doorway and awaits her command.
"Regulus," her eyes flick from him to the chair beside hers. He takes this as his sign to enter and sit down, which he does immediately.
"Mother," he nods politely.
"A letter came for you," Walburga speaks calmly, each of her words weighed. She passes him an envelope and stares at him expectantly. "Open it."
Regulus frowns down at the envelope and notices it has already been unsealed once, which means, whatever it is, his mother has already read it. He rebreaks the seal and pulls the short letter out.
Regulus,
Thank you for the letter, I really appreciate you getting it to me. I understand.
See you at school.
L.
His jaw clenches as he realises who sent it, who 'L' could be. Lily Evans. She is the only other person he has sent a letter to this summer that wasn't one of his friends. He forwarded Pandora's letter on to Evans and included a small note of his own to explain the situation and to tell her not to correspond with Pandora anymore this summer.
"Well?" His mother's voice breaks through his thoughts.
Before he can even blink, he feels as his mother slips into his mind. He immediately puts up his walls, hiding Hagrid, Pandora, his conversations with Scarlett, everything about James. He doesn't have time to cover up the name floating through his mind though: Lily Evans.
"Why are you communicating with a Mudblood, Regulus?"
"It was for an assignment, mother. She and I share the same Arithmancy class and were tasked with summer homework. I told her not to speak to me and that I would send her my half when necessary, but that was all," Regulus says, not completely lying. He did get summer Arithmancy work and their professor did suggest they work in pairs to complete it, but Regulus usually works with Evan and Barty in that class, whilst Evans works with Remus.
His mother narrows her eyes at him, he can still feel her searching through his mind. He builds an image of the scenario he just expressed to her in his mind, making it more realistic, making it seem like a memory rather than a figment of his imagination. He channels his dislike for Evans into the thought, hoping his mother will think the real reason he doesn't like the girl is because she's a Muggleborn and not because he used to be jealous of her after thinking she still had a crush on his boyfriend. James has assured him enough times by now that Evans' feelings are long since dead and he believes James.
"Fine," Walburga says eventually, slowly pulling away from his mind. Regulus doesn't allow himself to relax, not yet. "You may go, but I do not want to find anymore of this filth in my house. Is that understood?"
"Yes, mother," Regulus replies. When his mother holds her hand out, he passes her the letter and then watches as it bursts into flames in the palm of her hand. He leaves the lounge and takes his time getting to his room, not wanting to seem suspicious if he sprints up the stairs like he wants to. Once he reaches his room, he closes the door behind himself and finally releases a deep breath.
***
Tuesday - 1st July, 1975
Sirius
It's been a few days now since he came back from James' house and almost two weeks since Jess' sixteenth birthday, which means his boyfriend is no longer the same age as him anymore. Sirius wishes he could have been there to celebrate it with him, but his birthday fell on the same day as the full moon and Sirius wanted to be there for Moony. Jess is coming over in just under two weeks anyway, so Sirius will get to see him soon. He can't wait. It feels like it's been ages since he last saw Jess. They haven't gone this long without seeing each other since they started dating and Sirius got used to having him in the same building as him at all times.
Coming home only made him realise how much he has appreciated Jess over the past year. Sirius has barely even thought about his insecurities surrounding his adoption, which is so unlike the year before when he would continuously go into spirals about it and would have to wait until one of his friends - usually Moony - dragged him out of it. Of course, he still had his bad days, but they were nowhere near as hard with Jess by his side.
When he came home at the beginning of the summer, he was surprised to find out that Dora could now talk. It makes sense, she's now almost one and a half-years-old. What had shocked him the most though was that the moment he walked through the fireplace into the living room and saw her waiting for him with his mum, she reached her arms out for him and yelled, "Sirius!" before walking over to him. It was the first time she had ever said his name and it almost brought tears to his eyes to hear. He had also never seen her walk before and was immensely proud when she didn't trip on her way into his arms. It was nice to know she missed him when he was gone, he didn't think she'd even noticed, but obviously she had.
Sirius has been biding his time working in the shop to save up some money and spending time with Xeno, who has updated him on how Astro is doing. Apparently Alphard now visits Astro and his mother almost every single day, trying to make up for lost time, which Sirius thinks is very nice of him, especially since he had no idea he even had a son until last Christmas.
He spent a week at James' house with Remus, Peter and Lily, and the five of them went into the woods for the full moon. A couple of days after the moon, when Remus was feeling much better, Sirius and James had proposed the idea that they go into the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts next year as it would be good for the wolf to get out and actually touch some grass for the first time in it's life. Remus hadn't been too enthused by the idea, but he didn't reject it either. To everyone's surprise, Lily was all for it, saying she couldn't believe she hadn't thought about it before.
Remus had told them afterwards about how he smelled Greyback during the night of the full, which put Sirius on edge for the rest of the visit as if he was just waiting for the man to come waltzing through the Potters' front door. Sirius couldn't make sense of it. Why would Greyback just so happen to have visited that particular forest? And how? One behind one of the richest Pureblood families' houses in the whole of the United Kingdom. James explained that the forest was usually frequented by other mystical creatures and that it wasn't exactly abnormal for there to have been a werewolf there at some point in the past. Sirius wasn't convinced though and, by the look on his face, neither was Remus.
The day after that there was a break-in mentioned in The Daily Prophet, some men were trying to get into the Department of Mysteries. Sirius can't imagine that's anything new, not with how little is known about the department. People must be curious enough to attempt something every now and then. Peter had suggested that it might have been the same people orchestrating the attacks that have been occurring more often than not recently, which only frightened Lily, who has been worrying about her mother and her sister ever since the attacks started getting more serious.
Sirius had tried to comfort her by saying they caught one of the intruders, which meant they had a high chance of catching the rest of them, so she shouldn't worry too much about it. Not until they know more, at least. Sirius himself, however, was worrying about it, especially when the papers revealed one of the guards had been murdered. It was the killing curse that did it. He recognised the name immediately - Harvetz, as in Bradley, his friend. As soon as he heard about it, he wrote to his Hufflepuff friend, expressing his apologies for what happened. Waylen Harvetz had been his father.
Since then, Sirius has been trying not to think about the attack and has been avoiding any news from the Wizarding World ever since he returned home. It may be cowardly, but he wants to try and enjoy his summer, especially whilst there is nothing he can actually do about it.
Today, after he has finished his shift in the shop, he meets Xeno at the beach and they walk along the sand for a couple of hours before deciding to go into the sea. Sirius dives to the bottom and searches for some hidden treasure in the bed of the sea, just like he used to. A crab scuttles past him and he grins as he watches it pick up a stone. It looks like it's collecting something just as Sirius is aiming to do. His eyes wander around until they land on something shining in the sand. He pulls it out and then starts swimming to the surface. He can see Xeno's feet moving in the water and jokingly tugs on it as he reaches the surface.
"Oh, there you are," Xeno smiles, wiping his wet hair out of his face. "Find anything nice?"
"I think so," Sirius grins, holding out the small ring he found. It's white gold and has an opaque, purple stone tied into the metal. It must be hand-made, maybe five years old. It's always hard to tell when he finds them in the ocean because the metal is slightly corroded from it's time spent underwater.
"It's beautiful," Xeno says, leaning down to get a closer look at it.
"Here," Sirius holds it out to him. "Do you, Xenophilius Lovegood, take me, Sirius Tonks, to be your lawfully wedded best friend?"
"I do," the other boy says, beaming as he holds his hand out for Sirius to slip the ring on. It fits perfectly on his index finger.
"There," Sirius smiles. "It matches your other rings, too."
"Thank you, Sirius. It's lovely."
"You're welcome. Hey, we should go looking for shells so we can make one of those ankle bracelets you were talking about the other day," Sirius suggests, already paddling over to the shore.
"They are supposed to ward off dark creatures," Xeno says enthusiastically. "Shells are a symbol of protection and good luck. I think we could use some protection right now. Anklets are the best way to go, they're so stylish."
"You've got a point there, mate," Sirius agrees, mainly just to make Xeno smile.
So, they spend the rest of the afternoon searching for shells and then they go back to Xeno's house once they've got half a bucket full. Xeno's mother has a box full of colourful string for them to use and Xeno teaches Sirius how to carefully put small holes into the shells without breaking them, so they can weave the string through them. Sirius makes an orange and brown anklet, using mainly yellow and white shells, and Xeno makes a turquoise one with white and blue shells.
"They can be our friendship anklets," Xeno proposes.
"Yes!" Sirius says with a wide grin, bumping their ankles together where their anklets lie.
Wednesday - 9th July, 1975
Sirius steps through the unfamiliar fireplace into a large sitting room with ceilings high enough to rival those you would find in a church. Tall windows line the entirety of the left wall, showing off an elegant garden that looks as if it stretches on for miles. The rest of the walls are covered in nineteenth-century-styled wallpaper, dark-reds and blues with accents of gold.
Sitting on one of the leather couches, in an outfit Sirius knows to be from the Muggle world, is Violetta. Her hair has been tied back into two half-braids, half-ponytails. When she notices him, she grins and puts down a book she must have been reading before making her way over to him.
"You are right on time," she comments, glancing down at her watch.
"Your house is amazing," Sirius says as his eyes continue to wander around the room. Bookshelves stand against the wall across from him, holding what must be thousands of books. "This room alone is bigger than my whole house."
"Yes, well, I think it's hideous," Violetta shrugs, grabbing his hand and directing him out of the room. "When I inherit it, I'll probably just sell it."
"But it's brilliant!" Sirius argues, letting himself be dragged from the room. Violetta takes him down a long corridor, past many doors, too many for Sirius to count. She doesn't stop until they reach a door that leads to the gardens. They move over to a shed and Violetta finally drops his hand as she enters the small building, coming out only a few seconds later with two brooms in her hand.
"I need your help," she says, chucking a broom his way.
"You know, I could have brought my own," Sirius murmurs, gesturing to the broom in his hand.
"You travelled through the Floo, I didn't want you to damage yours," Violetta explains. "So, your help."
"Is it Carrow again? Is he bothering you at home now, too?" Sirius asks, feeling angry at the mere mention of the boy's name.
"No, I haven't heard from him at all. I think my father blocked any of his owls from being able to enter our wards." She sighs and stares down at the ground. "I need your help with Quidditch. I want to try out for the Beater position next year, I've been practicing all summer and I always wanted to join, but Shania was always on about how it was a boy thing. Now, I don't have her whispering in my ear, I finally have the chance to give it a go."
"That's great!" Sirius booms enthusiastically. "Although, I'm not sure what exactly you need me for."
"Could you show me any tricks that might help me get chosen for the position? I really want to make it."
"Of course," Sirius agrees easily. Then, with a smirk, "But I'm not showing you everything, I still need to beat you at the end of the year."
"We'll see about that," Violetta mirrors his smirk before mounting her broom and zooming off. Sirius laughs and follows her. They fly around for a bit first to stretch their muscles before going back to the shed to retrieve a couple of bats and a Bludger, deciding to start off with one for now.
"I've found it's easier to hit the Bludger away when you're moving towards it, rather than just allowing it to fly to you. That way, you've got more force behind your hit. However, it is a bit harder to direct it to exactly where you want it to go this way. You need to be careful, too, so you don't accidentally aim it at someone's head."
They practice a few techniques and Sirius discovers that Violetta is better at front-arm swinging than back-arm swinging like he is. Her precision is very good, he might even say it's better than his, however it is nowhere near as perfect as Marlene's.
After a few hours, they wander back into the house, hair sticking to their foreheads, chests moving rapidly as they try to catch their breaths. They put the brooms, bats and Bludgers back into the shed before going back to the house. Violetta informed him earlier that her parents were both out at work for the day. Her father works in the Ministry in the Magical Transportation Department, whilst her mother works in Diagon Alley in one of the bookshops.
"You can have a shower if you want. I would recommend one," Violetta says, scrunching up her nose.
"Says you," Sirius retaliates, bumping their shoulders together. "Alright, what about my clothes?"
"Topsy!" Violetta calls, startling Sirius enough to make him jump. A house-elf appears in front of them, small with wide grey eyes and a round nose that looks a bit like a potato.
"Miss Violetta, what is it you is needing?" The elf asks, a fond glint in her eyes as she stares up at Violetta.
"Hello, Topsy. Could you please take Sirius to one of the guest room's showers and whilst he is in there can you wash his clothes and make sure they are dry for when he is out?"
"Yes, of course. Anything for Miss Violetta," Topsy says, turning to face Sirius. "Mister Sirius is to be following Topsy now."
"Thank you," Violetta smiles and then looks at Sirius. "Go on then. I'll meet you here in half-an-hour."
"Okay," Sirius says, following Topsy who waits patiently for him. He is taken up to the first floor of the house and directed into a beautiful guestroom, which is decorated similarly to the rest of the house, the main colours being red and blue.
"Topsy will be waiting out here for your clothes, sir. I will not be looking, sir," she assures him before turning around to give him some privacy. Sirius chuckles under his breath and then starts taking his clothes off. He leaves them in a neat pile on the floor and hops into the shower. He hears as Topsy takes his clothes and apparates off to another part of the house.
Sirius gapes at the size of the shower, which is the size of two double beds and has four spouts, one on each side of the walls where the door isn't and then one directly above his head. His eyes scan over the taps as he tries to figure it out. Even James' house isn't as extravagant as this, though that has nothing to do with lack of money, but because the Potters don't see the need for such lavishness.
It takes him a few minutes but eventually he manages to get the right spout on, trying to pretend he didn't just get sprayed in the face by the wrong one. When he steps out of the shower, a towel is waiting for him on a rack and his clothes are fresh and in a folded pile beside the sink. He dries himself over and then gets changed back into his clothes. His hair is still a bit damp by the time he meets Violetta back in the corridor. She must have used a drying charm on hers because it looks as dry as a bone.
"That was an experience," Sirius laughs.
"Did you get sprayed in the face by the wrong tap?" Violetta smirks.
"How did you know?"
"It happens to everyone," she shrugs. "The first time Nick ever used it, he came out with a red eye. It was hilarious."
"Gosh," Sirius raises his eyebrows. "You are such a Slytherin."
"Don't tell me you wouldn't find that funny, too?" Violetta raises an eyebrow and Sirius pictures Peter coming out drenched, eye red from where he got attacked by a shower spout and can't help but chuckle.
"You got me."
They walk through the house until they reach a small room which Violetta calls the "company room", saying this is where she usually hangs out with her friends because it's where she keeps all of her games. Sirius is shocked when she opens a cupboard to reveal not only magical board games, but Muggle ones too.
"You have Cluedo?" Sirius gasps, jumping forward to pull it out of the cupboard.
"Yes," Violetta grins, "and I am unbeatable."
"Oh, are you now? We'll see about that."
As it turns out, Violetta wasn't lying. They have played four games and Sirius hasn't won once. It's just getting ridiculous now.
"How are you doing this?" He cries dramatically.
"I'm just playing the game," she shrugs, dealing out the next lot of cards. They start another game and Sirius grins as he almost instantly figures out who the murderer is. "So, you and Jess have been together for almost a year now, right?" Violetta asks halfway into the game.
"A year on the nineteenth of October," Sirius says instantly, having memorised the date. "We technically started going on dates in September, but we became official in October."
Violetta scowls. "You're so lucky. Maybe I should get Macdonald to set me up on a date. Merlin knows I need one after Amycus."
Sirius grimaces. "Definitely."
"How far have you gone with Jess then?" She asks as she moves her piece across the board.
"How far?" Sirius echoes, thinking about what his next move will be. He wants to get to the hall relatively quickly, but he's in the kitchen on the other side of the board.
"You know..." He looks up and Violetta widens her eyes suggestively. "How far?"
"Oh!" Sirius gasps as he realises what she means. Then, he feels as a blush starts to spread up his cheeks. "Not anything, really. I'm still fifteen."
"So?"
"I mean, there's been some... through the clothes touching, I guess." He fans himself with his cards, it's started to get very hot in here. "Not much else though."
"Oh, how scandalous," Violetta says sarcastically and then snickers. "You'll be sixteen in a few months."
"I guess I'll have to update you in November then," Sirius grins mischievously. He makes it to the hall and realises he now knows the murderer, the weapon and the place. He hides his excitement and instead pretends to think about where he is going next.
Violetta moves into the library and when it's Sirius' go, he makes it to the middle. "AHA! I win."
"Not unless you got all of these three right," Violetta says, pulling out the three mystery cards from their pouch.
"It was Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the Revolver," he leans back smugly, feeling triumphant.
"Oh, so close," Violetta winces sympathetically. "It was the candlestick."
"Bollocks."
Monday - 14th July, 1975
Sirius' family arrived in Cornwall on Saturday and have been here ever since. His grandmother hasn't stopped asking him about Jess since she found out he was coming to visit, so she would get to meet him. Miriam hasn't stopped going on about how her eleventh birthday is only in a couple of months, which means she will be getting her Hogwarts letter soon. Sirius can't blame her for being loud and excited, he remembers how much he was looking forward to it when it was his turn. He can't believe Miriam is already almost eleven, time has flown without his permission. It feels like only yesterday he was stepping onto the Hogwarts Express for the first time.
Elliot, who is only a year younger than Miriam, still hasn't showed any signs of accidental magic. Sirius knows that sometimes Wizards and Witches don't show off any signs before Hogwarts, even Muggleborns, so he still holds out hope for his youngest cousin.
Sirius is waiting patiently in the living room for Jess, who is supposed to arrive at eleven o'clock. He is only staying for the day, since there isn't enough space for him to sleep over, what with Sirius' grandmother, aunt, uncle and two cousins staying for the week. Miriam and Elliot are downstairs with Ted and Elsie in the shop. Ted said they could pick out one thing each to take home with them. Sirius knows it was just a way to get them out of the living room for two minutes, so Jess doesn't feel overwhelmed by everyone all at once. Andy and Sirius' uncle are in the kitchen making drinks and his grandmother is yet to come out of her room. She's always been a late riser, the only one of the family (unless you count Sirius when he's at Hogwarts).
Sirius is holding Dora, who has been listening to him rant about Jess for the last ten minutes.
"He is just going to love you because you're so adorable," he speaks using his baby voice, unable to help it.
"You adowable," she says back, tapping his chest with her little hand.
"Thank you, but you are more adorable, little one," Sirius tells her. He presses a kiss on her forehead. "Your hair is very pretty today."
"Blue!"
"Yes, it's blue," he chuckles.
The fireplace blazes and he turns to see Jess stepping carefully through the fireplace, just dodging hitting his head at the last minute. His eyes land on Sirius and then on Dora.
"Boy," Dora points at him, causing Jess to let out a small laugh.
"Hello and who might you be?" Jess asks her, smiling.
"Dowa," she replies. "'oo are you?"
"I'm Jess."
"Jess," Dora repeats, her lisp showing.
"You are just the cutest little thing," he says before looking at Sirius.
"I can't tell, were you talking to her or me?" Sirius raises an eyebrow as he moves closer to his boyfriend.
"Why can't it be both?" Jess shrugs with one shoulder before leaning in and pressing a swift kiss to Sirius' lips. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," Sirius replies bashfully.
"Eugh," Dora says, interrupting them. Sirius and Jess look at her and then laugh at the disgusted expression on her face. "No more."
"Oh, I don't think she likes you kissing me," Sirius snorts.
"I guess I'll just have to not kiss you then," Jess shrugs nonchalantly. When Sirius pouts, Jess breaks out into a grin. "In public. In private is fine."
"It better be."
Noise from behind causes them to turn around. Andy and Toby are making their way into the living room now, both smiling when they notice the new arrival.
"Hello, Jess, it's lovely to see you again," Andy greets him and then, to Sirius' and Jess' surprise, leans forward to hug him. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Sirius, have you offered the boy a drink yet?" She asks as she pulls away from Jess only to move closer to Sirius and then take Dora from him.
"Siwius," Dora pouts.
"I wouldn't mind a tea," Jess says, looking between Sirius and Andy.
"Go and make your boyfriend a drink then," she tells Sirius before leaving the room. Toby nods at Jess before following Andy.
"Come on," Sirius takes his hand and leads him towards the kitchen. He brews the kettle, which catches Jess' attention and Sirius has to remind himself that he is dating a born and raised Pureblood. He laughs fondly when Jess gapes at the fridge.
"Why are you so surprised by everything? I thought you took Muggle Studies?"
"I do, but I thought Palsley was making half of the stuff he taught us up," Jess admits sheepishly. "I've never really met any Muggles before, all of my friends are Half-Bloods or Purebloods. Your uncle was the first."
"They really aren't very different to Wizards and Witches," Sirius assures him, pouring the water out of the kettle into their mugs. "They just don't use magic. Here," he passes Jess his cup. "One of my cousins - Miriam - is a Witch. She's shown many signs of accidental magic and she'll be eleven in October, so we're hoping she'll get a Hogwarts letter."
"That's exciting," Jess smiles, blowing his tea to cool it down.
"Yeah, she won't shut up about it," Sirius smiles fondly as he thinks of her. "She and my other cousin - Elliot - are just downstairs. My mum didn't want to overwhelm you with everyone all at once."
"That's okay, I'm a people person," Jess raises his chin smugly.
"Your tone implies I am not," Sirius huffs, jokingly offended. Jess steps forward and places his cup down on the counter beside Sirius'. He stands in front of him, feet planted around Sirius' legs, which are standing diagonally as he leans back against the counter.
"I remember how shy you were at the beginning of our first date," Jess whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind Sirius' ear. "It was really cute."
"You're the one who couldn't stop staring at me long enough to get a word out when we first met," Sirius crosses his arms.
"Can't blame me for that really, you're beautiful and it took me off guard for a minute there." Jess cups his face and presses a firm kiss to Sirius' lips. It's a slow kiss, but it isn't exactly soft. Sirius unfolds his arms and holds onto Jess' waist, pulling him closer. Their lips overlap familiarly and Sirius feels as his heart beats faster at the contact.
"Well, that's one way to wake up without caffeine," someone says from beside them and Sirius laughs when Jess jumps practically halfway across the room. They both turn to see Sirius' grandmother standing in the doorway, smirking at them both, looking very pleased with herself.
"Morning, nan," Sirius sighs, scratching the back of his neck. "This is Jess."
"I gathered," she nods, entering the kitchen properly now. Jess steps forward and holds a hand out.
"Hello, it's lovely to meet you, ma'am. Sirius has told me a lot about you," Jess introduces himself.
"Well that I can believe, I'm a very interesting person," she chuckles and Sirius groans as his head falls into his hands. "It is very nice to meet you, too, young man. I've heard many, many things about you. Oh, and don't call me ma'am, that's far too fancy. Call me Mimi." They shake hands.
"Would you like a drink, nan?" Sirius inquires, hoping to move past the awkward tension that has grown in the room.
"A black coffee please, love." His grandmother moves over to sit at the table. "You're lucky Miriam didn't catch you like that. She wouldn't have shut up about it all afternoon.
Sirius sends Jess a look that says, unfortunately, that is true. Jess sends him one back that says, well, then we won't be kissing in front of your cousins today.
They sit down together at the table and drink their hot drinks. Sirius' grandmother asks Jess a lot of questions, but they all come out kindly, which Sirius is grateful for. He would hate it if she started interrogating his boyfriend, that might scare him away. Jess dutifully answers every single question and even asks a few of his own about Muggles. Mimi clearly finds Jess' lack of knowledge about the Wizarding World amusing.
"You remind me of Andromeda when she was young," she says, smiling. "Such a clueless one she was."
At some point, Miriam and Elliot find them and they both run over to the table and take their turns formally introducing themselves. Sirius sniggers as he watches Jess take in Miriam for the first time. She talks his ear off, climbing into the chair beside him and not giving him a chance to say anything back. Elliot chimes in every now and then, but mainly listens to his sister.
"-uncle Ted thinks I'm going to be a Hufflepuff, but Sirius said I'm too opinionated, whatever that means." Miriam rolls her eyes. Then, she turns back to Jess and grins. "What house are you in?"
"I'm a Gryffindor, just like Sirius," Jess tells her with a patient smile.
"Maybe I'll be in that house then," Miriam nods. "Auntie Andy said she thinks I'll be in the house she was in. Sotherl- Sither- So- What was it called again?" She asks, looking at Sirius.
"Slytherin," Sirius responds. "The snake house."
"I do like snakes," Miriam murmurs. "You'll still like me if I end up in a different house, won't you?"
"Of course, I will," Sirius promises. "If you end up in Slytherin, I'll sneak you into Gryffindor Tower and introduce you to all of my friends."
Jess gets along well with the rest of his family and they barely get a moment alone again after the kitchen. It isn't until Jess has to go home that Sirius has another chance to kiss him. His family give the two of them some privacy.
"I'll see you in five weeks," Sirius frowns. He can't believe he has to wait so long again.
"I know, it's going to go so slow," Jess smiles sadly. "At least we'll be back at Hogwarts not long after that."
"True," Sirius perks up, grinning. "I'm so excited for fifth year."
"Weirdo. Fifth year means O.W.Ls, it's going to be stressful, not fun," Jess chuckles.
"I'm going to make it fun," Sirius retorts. "Pranks and parties, the usual. It'll be the best year of our lives so far."
"Alright, Sirius," Jess kisses his cheek. "I believe you."
"Good," Sirius says before pulling him in for a proper kiss. It only lasts a few seconds because Sirius is paranoid that Miriam is going to come running in at any minute. "Go on then, I'll see you in five weeks."
"Bye, Sirius," Jess says as he steps into the fireplace.
"Bye, Jess," Sirius whispers as his boyfriend disappears behind green flames, missing him already.
Saturday - 26th July, 1975
It's the first day of Remus' visit to Cornwall, Sirius called him a couple of weeks ago to ask if he would like to stay for a week, knowing Remus would likely want to get away from Wales for a little while. When they were staying at James' house back in June, Remus had told them that he was no longer friends with Marie, he hadn't explained why or how their friendship came to an end. Sirius isn't sure if he should ask Remus about it or not now that it's just the two of them. He doesn't want to upset his friend, especially when his goal is to distract Remus from his problems, rather than remind him of them.
Remus arrives in the morning and is faced with a warm greeting from all four of the Tonks'. Dora, who Remus has never met before, makes a loud noise as Remus is speaking to Ted and Andy, like she's trying to get his attention. It works and Remus instantly turns to her, eyes softening and lips curling up into a kind smile.
"Oh, hello," he says, reaching up to take one of her hands in his, shaking it. "I'm Remus."
"Are you shaking her hand?" Sirius asks, amused but trying to subdue his laughter.
"I don't know. Yes? I've never been around a baby before, I don't know what to do," Remus defends himself, flushing red with embarrassment as he drops his hand.
"Wemus," Dora spits slightly as her lisp tries to work around the name.
"Hey, Dora," Sirius says, recapturing his sister's attention. "How about you show Remus what you learnt yesterday?"
"Yes, down, down!" She shrieks enthusiastically, so Sirius places her on the floor. Dora has been walking since March, according to his parents, which means Sirius missed her first steps. However, a couple of days ago, he was the one to teach her something new.
Sirius moves to stand beside Remus and his parents, the four of them watch as Dora starts waddling across the living room and then, gracefully just as Sirius taught her, she twirls without falling over. As soon as she's successfully done it again, she grins up at them with her two large front teeth.
"She's like a little ballerina," Andy announces, pride clear in her voice.
"That's my little girl," Ted says, dropping into a crouch and opening his arms right in time for Dora to crash into them. She can't run, not yet, but she can get a strut on when she wants to.
"Did Wemus see?" She asks her dad as he lifts her up into his arms.
"I did," Remus responds, smiling at her. "It was a very nice twirl."
Dora's expression brightens at Remus' remark and then she's burying her face in Ted's chest, like she's trying to hide away.
"Oh dear," Andy mumbles, failing to supress a laugh.
"What?" Sirius and Remus question at the same time.
"I think Dora's experiencing what it's like to have a crush for the first time," she explains as she attempts to reclaim Dora's attention, but the girl won't budge as she continues to hide.
"What ?" Remus repeats, sounding horrified.
Sirius chucks his head back in laughter, it only grows when he looks at Remus' alarmed expression. He and his mum fall together as they fail to contain their amusement. Ted fondly rolls his eyes and takes Dora out of the room, it's nearly her nap time anyway.
When Sirius manages to calm down long enough to look at his friend, he realises Remus is already watching him, his face blank and unimpressed.
"Oh, come on, Moony. It's funny," his face breaks out into a smile again.
"It's horrifying," Remus retorts in a grumble. "You can never tell anyone about this."
"I won't," Sirius says, a mock innocent look on his face.
"Sirius."
"I... I'm going to go and write to James and Peter right now and tell them!" Sirius shouts before running out of the living room towards his bedroom, cackling as he goes.
"Sirius!" He hears Remus yell behind him before the sound of thundering footsteps begin to gain on him. Sirius makes it halfway up the stairs, so close to his bedroom door, laughter still frozen on his face, when Remus catches up with him.
Remus wraps an arm around Sirius' shoulders and another around his waist, restraining him and keeping him from his bedroom.
"Let me go, Moony!" Sirius giggles, still struggling in the other boy's grasp.
"Not if you're going to go and write to James and Peter about that," Remus argues, panting like he's just run a marathon, but still managing to keep a hold of Sirius' squirming frame.
"But they need to know," Sirius' voice sounds strained. "My toddler sister has a crush on you."
"She doesn't! She probably doesn't even know what a crush is," Remus protests. "Stop fighting."
"Fine," Sirius smirks, slumping completely, giving all of his weight to Remus.
"For goodness sake, Sirius," Remus mumbles, but Sirius can feel the rumble of laughter in his chest. "You're an idiot. I'll drop you, don't think I won't."
"You wouldn't," Sirius says, tilting his head back to look at Remus properly. He grins. "You'll break my pretty face."
"Arrogant prat," Remus shakes his head. He doesn't drop him. Instead, he grunts as he adjusts Sirius' weight onto one arm for a moment before turning him around so they are properly facing each other.
"Struggling?" Sirius asks, still smirking.
"Loads," Remus mutters. "Would you at least stand?"
"Nope. You told me to stop fighting," he shrugs.
Remus lets out a noise of frustration and then a mischievous grin climbs it's way onto his face. He grabs Sirius around the waist and, in a move Sirius doesn't see coming, chucks him over his shoulder.
"Remus! What are you doing ?" Sirius, who is now facing Remus' back and is very upside down right now, starts to laugh.
"There is something inherently wrong with you," Remus tuts as they climb the stairs to Sirius' room.
"How are you so strong? What the fuck," Sirius huffs.
Remus opens the door to his bedroom, completely ignoring Sirius who has begun to squirm again. Sirius' perception of gravity changes again as Remus flips him over his shoulder and drops him on his bed. Sirius stares up at him with wide eyes, genuinely surprised that Remus was capable of that so soon after the moon, which was only three days ago. Remus is trying to catch his breath, his chest rapidly rising and falling, his face red from the exertion.
When Remus finally meets his eyes, he looks shocked to find Sirius already watching him. He swallows before speaking.
"Are you finished now?"
Sirius shrugs and sits up properly, looking up at Remus with a cheeky smile. "I wasn't actually going to write to anyone, I just wanted to distract you. I could tell you were uncomfortable."
"Oh," Remus sighs, dropping down onto the bed beside Sirius, leaving enough room between them for a third person to sit there. "I left my stuff in the living room."
"My mum probably already levitated it up to the door," Sirius says, glancing at his closed bedroom door. "So, what have you been doing since I last saw you?"
"Not much, I've been working in the bakery every Wednesday and Thursday to earn some money. I'm still not speaking to Marie," he adds in a quiet voice.
Sirius frowns and bites down on his lip in thought. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," Remus smiles sadly. Then, even though he is contradicting himself, he says, "I caught her with Billy."
"Billy... why does that name sound familiar?" Sirius wracks his brain for where he could have heard it before. Then, it hits him. "That dick you got in a fight with last summer?"
Remus nods, eyes glazed over like he's stuck in some horrible daydream. Sirius shuffles closer to him, feeling the need to comfort his friend. He places his hand lightly over Remus', which is resting on the bed between them. Unexpectedly, Remus turns his hand over so that it's palm-up and lets their fingers slip together.
"Billy isn't just some guy I got into a fight with last summer," Remus whispers, his voice sounding strained like it does before he starts crying. Sirius grows more worried. "He used to bully me in primary school for my seizures. The thing I don't understand is why on earth she would go anywhere near him when she knew all of that. I get she's going through a really rough time, but why him? Out of everyone, why Billy?"
"I don't know what happened to Marie and I'm not asking you to tell me, but was it something really bad?" Sirius asks, his words coming out slow and calculated.
"Yeah."
"Maybe that's why she chose Billy. Maybe she's doing something really bad, so she has someone to blame for something. I don't know... I can't answer for her, but it sounds like she's giving herself an excuse to blame herself." Sirius sighs, not sure how to properly explain what he means. "Sorry if that doesn't make any sense."
"No," Remus tugs on his hand, bringing Sirius' eyes back to his. "No, it does make sense. That actually makes a lot of fucking sense, Sirius."
"I- it does?"
Remus nods. "I hadn't thought of that, I just assumed she was acting out or something."
"Remus, I might not know Marie very well, but during the brief moments I did spend with her last summer, I learnt that she absolutely adores you. I can't picture any version of her that would do something with the intention of hurting you this much. It's not my place to say, but I don't think she was thinking about you at all when she made her mistake," Sirius whispers. He doesn't want to upset Remus by saying that, but he thinks it is something Remus might need to hear.
"This wasn't about me?" Remus questions.
"I don't know, only Marie can tell you that," Sirius shrugs helplessly. "I'm sorry, Moony."
"Don't be," Remus shakes his head. He looks down at their linked hands and brings them into his lap, pulling Sirius closer. "Don't be sorry," he repeats as they fall together into a hug. Sirius rests his cheek against Remus' shoulder and breathes in the familiar scent of chocolate-filled pastries, something rich and earthy, and an underlying scent that is undeniably Moony.
His eyes catch on something around Remus' neck and a soft smile edges its way onto his lips as he realises, all these years later, Remus is still wearing Sirius' necklace.
Monday - 28th July, 1975
"You can go in on your own, can't you? I don't see why you need to me to go with you," Remus says, already sitting down on a towel that he's laid out on the golden sand.
"We're at the beach together, which means we should stick together," Sirius argues.
"I don't want to take my t-shirt off," Remus mumbles, staring down at where he is burying his toes in the sand.
Sirius crouches down to catch his eye, tilts his head and grins. "Then keep it on."
"I'll be the only one and people will think I'm weird."
"I can keep mine on, too," Sirius says, holding his hand out. "Come on, the sea will cool you down." He wiggles his fingers.
Remus looks up at his face and then his hand and sighs before taking it. Sirius drags him up off the ground and starts running towards the sea, bringing Remus with him. The beach is always really busy at this time of the year, so they have to run around different obstacles, like middle-aged women lying out on their towels to catch a tan and children's sandcastles. Sirius slows down when they reach the wet sand, hand still firmly in Remus'. He grins up at the other boy and steps forward into the cold sea.
"Let's go in further," Sirius suggests, already walking in deeper. His hand slips out of Remus', so he turns and realises Remus is still standing on the wet sand. "I can't do this part for you, Moony!" Sirius calls out, grinning, his eyes squinting under the dazzling sun.
Remus slowly steps into the sea, his anxious face fades into something content. "I thought it would be colder."
"Come with me." Sirius holds his hand out again and wiggles his fingers. Remus meets him in the deeper part of the sea, where the water reaches their waists. Sirius' shirt has started to cling to his skin, but he doesn't mind. They keep moving until the water hits their chests and Sirius lets go of Remus' hand again. He holds his arms out and lies back on the ocean, letting his body float to the surface. He always feels like a starfish when he does this. Water splashes in his ears, overlapping all around his head. His hair must look like an inky mess around his head right now, but he doesn't care, feeling too good.
Remus copies him and lies back, allowing the ocean to hold him up.
"Moony?" Sirius calls after a few minutes of silence. His mind always runs rampant whenever he stays quiet for too long.
"Yes, Sirius?"
"Do you ever wonder how different everything would be if one thing in our past was changed? Like, what if I wasn't adopted and I still lived with my birth parents? I would be an entirely different person. What if that version of me never would have ended up as your friend? I was so close to being that person and sometimes that scares me."
"I don't think you would have been very different," Remus murmurs after a minute of contemplation. "I believe we can all be influenced by the world and that can sometimes change our views and beliefs, but I also think we have an inherent personality inside of us and that is who we are. That's what makes us different from one another."
"Do you think we would have been friends? Even if I was raised by such horrible people?" Sirius asks.
"I know you're a good person, Sirius, and no amount of darkness could ever change that about you." Remus pauses. "Even if you were raised by your birth parents, I know we would have been friends. Do you remember the first time we met?"
"Yeah," Sirius grins, unable to help it. Remus had been so shy back then.
"You saw that I was alone and hesitant to talk to anyone, so you took it upon yourself to do the talking for me," Remus chuckles at the memory. "You did that because you're kind, Sirius. Not because your parents raised you to be, but because that's who you are. That other version of you, you're the same person. Both of you would have reacted the same way in that situation."
"I'm not always kind..." Sirius frowns, his mind wandering to a boy who he usually tries not to think about when he's at home. "Regulus."
"You retaliate a bit too strongly sometimes, yes, but only when you feel the need to protect those you care about. Even if misguided, you're doing it out of the goodness inside of you," Remus tells him with such assuredness that Sirius can't help but believe him.
"Do you think my dislike of Regulus is misguided?" Sirius asks. He isn't going to mention Snape, he's always been positive in his hatred against that boy. He thinks back to the Potions class they had a few years ago when Snape called Remus a Mudblood. For Sirius, there is no coming back from that. As much as he loathes to admit it, he has never actually caught Regulus saying anything even remotely as bad as the things he has heard coming out of Snape's mouth.
"I think the main problem between you two is that you think you understand each other, and the ideas of each other you've formed in your heads are what you truly hate. In truth, you don't know anything about each other, except you believe you hate each other. He isn't... terrible, Regulus isn't." Remus stops floating on his back and so Sirius does the same. They stand in the sea and stare at each other. "It might be too late now because you've let this rivalry live on for four years now, but I think you would get along, given the chance."
"People keep saying that to me," Sirius huffs. "What if I don't want to get along with him?"
"Then, you don't have to, but you also don't have to continue hating each other for no reason."
Sirius doesn't respond after that, too busy thinking over Remus' words. Maybe he's right. Maybe Sirius has spent the last four years putting his energy into hating the wrong person. He knows, better than ever now, that there are worst people out there than Regulus Black. He can't imagine them ever being friends, but maybe he will put the effort in to ignore him next year rather than rile him up like he has done during previous years. Maybe.
Wednesday - 30th July, 1975
On the fifth day of Remus' visit, Sirius finally brings up the subject of spending the full moons at Hogwarts in the Forbidden Forest. He tries not to think about the way Remus dismissed the idea the last time he mentioned it, and instead focuses on the fact that Remus hadn't outright rejected it.
They are sitting in a shadowed patch of grass in Sirius' garden, watching as Ayers runs around the place, jumping into bushes and collecting twigs that he keeps bringing back to Sirius like little prizes. His parents warded off the garden, so no Muggles can see if anyone uses magic out here, but also so Ayers can't run off and get lost. Sirius has his wand in his hair, which has been put back into a bun. He's sitting cross-legged, whilst Remus is lying down on his back next to him.
Remus blinks open his eyes when Sirius brings up the Forbidden Forest idea again, squinting against the sun.
"I don't know, Sirius. What if there's a student out at night and we run into them on the way to the forest?"
"We can go out of the back door of the shack rather than the tunnel, then it will only take a minute to get into the forest. Hogsmeade is a mile away and people usually try to stay away from the shack, so it will be safe."
"How do you know that?" Remus asks, sitting up enough to rest back on his elbows.
"Lily and I are pretty good at getting Moony's attention by now, so it wouldn't be difficult to get you into the forest and away from people. I just think it would do you and the wolf some good to get out of that depressing shack for once." Sirius sighs, staring down at the grass and peeling apart the twigs Ayers keeps bringing him.
"...Fine," Remus whispers, catching Sirius' attention instantly. "We can... try going into the forest, but I need to know that you will do anything necessary to stop me from attacking someone if the situation arises. Anything, Sirius."
Sirius hates what Remus is implying and he knows he would never be able to fatally injure him in any way, no matter what the circumstances were. However, he could always try and stupefy the wolf at close range if need be, which is why he says, "Okay. Anything."
"Alright, we can try," Remus agrees.
Sirius grins at him.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- I love the notebooks <3
- Reverie comeback because I missed her even if she is an inanimate object :)
- Evan and Scarlett <3 Regulus and Scarlett <3 Lily and Pandora <3
- Bellatrix is so chaotic... and I kind of love her for it? I have so many plans for her that come later in this fic.
- AHHH THE DARK LORD HAS BEEN MENTIONED. He's finally worming his way into Regulus' life 😔
- Narcissa is not perfect, but I still believe in her. She's doing the best she can with the cards she's been dealt, and there is more to her story than I have revealed, so please don't hate her yet 😭
- Rabastan and his friends - I want to hit them.
- "He would never wish his childhood on anyone else, not even his worst enemy." 👀
- Regulus is getting better at lying to his mother (I'm so proud of him)
- Sirius and Xeno <3 Sirius and Violetta <3
- I actually love Violetta and Sirius' friendship so much. Not her asking him about Jess 👀 and Sirius fanning himself with his cards 😭
- NYMPHADORA <33333 She is so cute! Miriam, too, I adore her. Jess was so good with them, it's going to suck to see him go :/
- It always makes me laugh so much when Remus meets baby Nymphadora in fics... idk what's wrong with me.
- Sirius and Remus being adorable <3 They're so in love (sorry, Jess). Also, Sirius being mature when talking about Marie <3
- Remus and Sirius' little conversation about Regulus in the sea :(Thank you so much for the "get well soon" wishes last week, I'm getting there! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all next week for the final chapter of fourth year, then we'll be on fifth year <3
Chapter 56: Fourth Year: The Forgiveness
Summary:
Marie and Remus have a serious talk. James goes to a Muggle fayre for the first time. There's another party.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-parents fighting
-mention of someone's parent abandoning them
-adultery
-underage drug use
-a character struggles mentally
-needles mentioned !!
-underage drinking
-it's hinted at that two underage characters had sex under the influence
-someone no longer believing in their religion
-sexual content (not explicit - fade-to-black)
-Remus is injured by silver (werewolf)
-underage smoking
-brief mention of a physical fight (in the past)
-mention of someone being sickLet me know if I missed anything, there was a lot going on in this chapter :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
So this is it, that's how it ends
I guess there's nothing more romantic than dying with your friends
And I'm not sorry for myself
I wouldn't wanna spend a minute loving anybody else
~ Ashe and FINNEAS
Saturday - 2nd August, 1975
Remus
Remus makes it back home that afternoon, after having spent an equally enjoyable and tormenting week with Sirius. He liked having Sirius' full attention, just like he used to before Sirius started spending most of his free time with Jess. But it was difficult without having their other friends there as a buffer in case Remus needed a moment to supress his growing feelings for the other boy. Unfortunately, Remus still hasn't gotten over this crush, even though it's been six months. He doesn't know what to do and has begun to grow a bit hopeless in his endeavour to try and pretend the feelings aren't there. They are perpetually expanding within him and have become so immense that it is becoming harder to hide them.
He knows it's unfair of him to even think this way because Sirius has a boyfriend, one he is very happy with, and has been dating for almost a year. He's also Remus' best friend and having these thoughts about him feels wrong, even if they are completely out of Remus' control. Sirius would most certainly be uncomfortable if he ever found out, which is why Remus has decided he will just have to bury his feelings down inside of him until they disappear, and if they never do, then he will just have to try and forget about them.
His parents are in the living room when he steps through the fireplace. Hope is sitting on one of the couches, leg crossed over the other, book in hand. Lyall is reclining back on one of the armchairs, remote in hand as he flicks through different channels. At the sound of the fireplace, both adults look up from their activities and grin as soon as they notice Remus stepping onto the carpet. His mam gets up from her seat, leaving her book on the coffee table, and comes over to pull him into a hug.
"Remus! How was your visit? How's Sirius - and his parents?" She asks as she reaches up to pat his hair down.
"They're alright. Andy said she was looking for a palmier recipe and I told her you would be more than welcome to lend a hand, so you should expect an owl by tomorrow morning," Remus tells her. He leans down and presses a kiss to her cheek and, waving to his tad on the way, he makes his way over to the stairs, wanting to unpack his bag right away otherwise he knows he will forget to do it.
His room looks so barren as he enters it and he finds himself already missing Sirius, which probably isn't a good sign, especially after having promised himself he would try to forget about his crush.
He's already off to a good start.
Sighing, Remus places his trunk on his bed and gets to work sorting through all of his used and unused clothes. Once he's finished, and he's put away his clean clothes and chucked the dirty ones in the laundry basket, he lays down on his bed and picks up the book he left on his bedside table a week ago. It's one he's borrowing from Lily, something she found in a bookshop in Diagon Alley, which means he hasn't heard of it before because it wasn't written by a Muggle and he hasn't been exposed to much Wizarding World literature in the past.
The book is called The Tales of Beedle the Bard, and when Remus opens it he realises it isn't just a book containing a single story, but multiple. The titles remind him of ones he would have found in a children's book, but he chooses to ignore this, knowing to trust Lily by now when it comes to book recommendations. He manages to make it through the first three stories by the time his mam calls him down for dinner. It hit him when he got to the second story - The Fountain of Fair Fortune - that they were fables, tales meant to teach children lessons. He couldn't understand why Lily would recommend it to him.
He joins his parents for dinner and the three of them talk about what they have each been up to over the last week. Lyall informs them he has been planning the annual summer fayre over the past couple of weeks, which used to be Marie's mother's job, but ever since she fled in the night the job has been passed onto Remus' tad.
"You should invite some friends over, Remus," Hope suggests with a smile. "Your tad has been working very hard on this event for quite some time, and the more people there, the better."
"When is it?" Remus asks.
"In just under two weeks, right in time for the final heat wave to hit us," Lyall says with a grim expression. Much like Remus, he doesn't always enjoy the warmer weather.
"James will be here by then, remember? He's staying for a week," Remus reminds them. "Mary mentioned something about never having been to Wales last term. Maybe she could come visit for the day. Although, she doesn't have a Floo network because her parents are Muggles-"
"That's alright, I can apparate to her house and pick her up the night before the fayre, that way you can all spend a little bit more time together," his tad offers with a congenial smile.
"Thanks," Remus grins in appreciation. They speak a little bit more about their week and then Remus brings up the book he's reading, wondering if his tad will recognise it.
"Your Nain used to read those stories to me before bedtime," Lyall chuckles. "What on earth are you doing reading it now?"
"Lily recommended it to me," Remus says. "I've only got a couple of the stories to go."
"Have you reached The Tale of the Three Brothers yet?"
"No, I'm pretty sure that's the last one in the book. Why, was that one your favourite?"
"Yeah, but only because it was the only one of the stories that had any bit of truth to it," Lyall says. He puts down his cutlery before leaning across the table conspiratorially, making Remus lean in closer, intrigued. "People used to say the three objects in the story were really out there and once belonged to the Peverell family."
"Peverell family... they were ancestors of the Potters, right?" Remus questions, growing more interested.
"Directly, if I remember correctly," his tad nods. "Rumour has it, one of the objects from the story was passed down through the generations, whilst the other two were stolen."
"What were they?"
"Well, why don't you finish your dinner and go and read the story for yourself," Lyall suggests, finally sitting back in his seat.
Remus does. He finishes his dinner and doesn't even stay for dessert, instead rushing back up to his room where he left his book. He skips the fourth fable and immediately begins to read the fifth and final one in the whole novel. It's definitely the most intriguing of the stories, he understands why it would be his tad's favourite. However, his attention is completely stolen when he reaches the part of the story about the third brother. The first had wanted power in the form of the greatest wand in the world. The second asked for the ability to bring loved ones back from the dead and was gifted a stone (Remus thinks he was completely ripped off - the poor man was given a pebble). The third wanted a way to escape death when he came looking for him and was given a cloak. Not just any cloak though, an invisibility cloak.
Remus' mind wanders back to what his tad had told him over dinner, that the Potters were rumoured to be in possession of one of the three objects in the story. Remus is one of very few people in the whole Wizarding World who knows about James' invisibility cloak. He finds himself wondering if the other two objects could exist out in the world somewhere. The Elder Wand and the Resurrection Stone, both stolen, both lost.
The story says that the possessor of all three objects would equate to the Master of Death, which Remus isn't entirely convinced by.
No one can escape death, and no one should.
In the future, Remus would look back at this moment many times and argue with himself over how completely wrong he had been.
Remus is lying in bed, staring at the dark backs of his eyelids, when his ears prick up at the sound of the window being opened. He immediately sits up in his bed and feels as panic tightens itself around his chest, leaving him frozen in place. The last - and the only - time this happened was when Greyback broke into his bedroom and changed his life forever.
A hand slips past his blind and starts tugging on the cord, revealing themselves to Remus. He squints into the darkness, his eyesight being better than other humans', but not fantastic considering the fact he was on his way to falling asleep a minute ago. He frowns when he realises he recognises the figure climbing through his window. Sighing, he turns his lamp on and then turns back to face Marie, who is now standing beside the window, guilty expression in place.
"Why are you sneaking through my window like a burglar?" Remus asks, feeling far too tired for this.
"I heard you were back today and I've been doing a lot of... let's call it reflecting, ever since I last saw you. I want to talk," Marie says, slowly making her way closer to him. Remus feels the urge to shuffle away from her, but he doesn't. He hates that. Hates that she has become one of the people that makes him uncomfortable, it only reminds him of all that has changed over the last few months.
Marie raises an eyebrow and points to the opposite corner of the bed. Remus wonders if she's noticed his discomfort and if that's why she's compromising by sitting as far from him as is possible. Remus nods once, eyebrows still drawn together, whether in confusion or frustration, he isn't sure. Probably both.
"Remus, you can look at me, you know," she says and Remus hadn't even realised that he was avoiding looking at her at all.
"I know," he mumbles, but it still takes him almost a whole minute to meet her eye. They're full of sadness when he does, but he can tell she is trying to focus on the situation at hand rather than what she's feeling.
"I just wanted to start by saying that I'm sorry," Marie speaks, voice quiet, which Remus is grateful for. He doesn't want his parents to wake up and hear that Marie has snuck into his bedroom, especially after everything that has gone on over the last couple of months between the two of them.
"Yes, well, I gathered that," Remus can't help but retort. "Why else would you be here?"
"To apologise... and to explain," she confirms, tone shifting to a lower one. "I have no excuses for befriending Billy, only an explanation, if you'll hear me out."
"Go on then," Remus replies eventually.
"Well, it started a couple of years ago. Do you remember when your friend Lily came over? I was really grumpy that day, partially because I thought she was your girlfriend, but also because my parents had been fighting earlier on. My mam was yelling at my father for his late work hours, saying he never used to work so much and she hardly ever saw him unless they were at Church, which he always seemed to be free for. Tad got really defensive after that and I remember thinking I had never heard him yell before, not to me, definitely not to my mam. But then he was yelling and, for the first time, I was scared of him." She frowns, her hands fiddle with one of the stray strings hanging from Remus' blanket. "My mam locked herself in her office for the rest of the day and tad stormed out of the house. They didn't fight like that again until last summer. I think that's when my mam started to realise what he was doing. After that, it happened all of the time.
"Do you remember how we used to fight a lot in the letters we sent to each other? You would always be complaining about Sirius and his boyfriend and I got frustrated quite easily and we were always angry at each other over the silliest things?"
Remus nods, unsure where she is going with this. It feels awkward to bring up their failed relationship, especially after almost five months of no speaking at all. He can't believe it's been so long. His birthday was the last time she sent a letter to him.
"At home, I was always listening to them yell at each other and every time I got a letter that was filled with more complaining, I just got overwhelmed. I'm sorry that I didn't handle that as well as I could have, Remus, really. You deserved much better than me."
"What next, Marie?" Remus asks, wanting to move on from this part of the conversation. He can't bear to talk about them, not right now.
"Right," she clears her throat and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "In December, a week or two before you came back for Christmas, I was staying at Cara's for a night because my mam was visiting my grandma and my tad was supposed to be at Mister Fletcher's Bachelor's party, so he would have been out all night. Cara and I thought it would be fun to sneak out after her aunt and uncle were asleep and go to my house because it would be empty and we could invite Hugo and Felix around for the night and then sneak back to hers early the next morning.
"When we got there, the door was locked and so I used the spare key under the doormat and we snuck in. We wanted to make sure my tad definitely wasn't home, just in case he decided not to stay out all night or something, so Cara checked downstairs and I checked upstairs. I thought the house was empty, so I started heading back to the stairs." A tear springs out of her eye and drops to the blanket below. Remus feels himself move closer involuntarily, an instinct. "But then I heard someone in my parents' bedroom, so I went to look and..." Her eyebrows furrow as her expression crumbles. "And I saw him with her."
"Your mam?"
"Justine," she clarifies in a broken voice. More tears fall down her cheeks. "They were... I can't say it, can't even think about it without feeling sick. I left before either of them could see me and I grabbed Cara from downstairs and we left. I didn't tell her what I saw, I just said my tad was upstairs sleeping and I kept it to myself. Then, when my mam got back after the weekend, I told her what I saw because I knew she deserved to know, even if it would upset her. She didn't react the way I thought she would though." Marie's expression morphs into something resembling anger. "She just told me to promise her that I wouldn't tell anybody and I shouted at her, saying she was crazy for not reacting. Then, you want to know what she told me?"
"What?"
"She said she already knew," Marie shakes her head, frustration shining in her eyes. "Said she was dealing with it and then made me promise not to tell, so I did. I promised. Then, Christmas happened. I hope you understand, even a little bit, why I had to do what I did. With everything else going on, Remus, I just knew I couldn't give any more of myself to more people, and you deserve someone who can give you every part of themselves."
"Marie..." Remus murmurs. The thing is, he does understand why she broke up with him. He can't even begin to imagine all of the hurt she must have been feeling. He can't believe she was strong enough to break up with him, even if it meant risking their friendship on top of everything else she was going through.
"I couldn't look at my tad for months, I still can't, not really. In April, a rumour got out that someone caught him and Justine in his office. At first, it was fine, I could ignore it because it was only a couple of people that were talking about it and they never approached me personally. Then, more and more people started to find out and, suddenly, it was no longer a rumour. People started accepting it as fact, and I couldn't even deny it. After that, it was like the whole village knew. My mam left a couple of weeks later," Marie's chin trembles, but she doesn't shed any more tears. Instead, she inhales deeply and carries on.
"So many people were talking about it and I just couldn't handle it. My mam leaving was sort of like a confirmation that the rumours were true. I stopped going to school and I stopped talking to my tad. I swear, I didn't say a word to him for almost two weeks at one point. I stopped going to Church. Cara kept trying to come over to talk to me, but I sent her away again and again."
"Why?"
Marie shrugs. "I didn't want to have to tell her that it was all true."
"Oh," Remus whispers.
"Mid-May, I was on a walk, trying to avoid most of the village. I went down to the marshes, knowing most people would be in school and the adults don't really tend to hang around there. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky and someone was there. Billy," she says, eyes jumping to Remus. He can't stop himself from tensing at the mention of the name. He stares down at his hands.
"You can go on," Remus says quietly.
"He was smoking a blunt and he offered some to me, said I looked like I needed it. I accepted it because I just thought 'what do I have to lose'? I'd already lost you and my mam, my tad too I guess you could say. I hated him, but I didn't want to face anyone else and I really didn't care about what Billy thought of me, so he was sort of the easiest person to be around. He told me he would be back there at night and so I went back and I kept going back, every night, sometimes during the day. I know you're probably going to hate me for saying this, but I liked talking to Billy about my problems because I knew that if he turned around one day and judged me for them, I wouldn't care because I didn't care about him."
Remus hates that he understands that, too. He wishes he didn't, he wishes he could hate her for it, but he just can't.
"He started giving me stronger stuff, things that made everything disappear for long enough that I could handle it. I let him use needles on me, which I know was fucking stupid, Remus, but I just didn't care. Then, one day, I let him come over to my house and we broke into my tad's liquor cabinet. Turns out, alcohol makes Billy talk. A lot. He started telling me things about his father, how he treats him and, for the first time in the ten years I'd known him, I realised that maybe Billy treated other people like shit because that's how he was treated. It's not an excuse, but it's something I could understand, and I felt bad for him. He told me he hadn't admitted it to anyone before. Then, he... uh...
"He what?" Remus sighs.
"He kissed me and I didn't stop him," Marie admits, looking guilty as she does. "After that day, he came over more and more, we spent almost every day at my house when my tad was at work. I regret it now, but I let him... we..." She sighs and drops her head into her hands. Remus feels nauseous, already knowing what she is trying to say.
"Did he force you to?"
"No," Marie shakes her head as she looks back up at him. "We were both high out of our minds and it was the day I decided that I really didn't care anymore because God clearly didn't care about me. Then, I thought, maybe he doesn't care because he doesn't exist. It's easy to believe in God when you feel blessed, when you have faith. Well, I lost that when my mam left. Billy and I only did it a couple of times."
"Why did you stop? Was he that bad?" Remus snorts, not able to help himself.
"He was fine. I stopped because you came home," she whispers, startling Remus enough to look at her again.
"I don't understand."
"I saw the moment you realised exactly what I'd been doing with Billy and I watched as your heart broke right in front of me and it made me feel sick with myself. For the first time in weeks, I cared about something." She moves across the bed to sit beside him and reaches for his hand, he lets her take it, squeezing back to assure her it's okay. "I really am sorry, Remus. I never intended to hurt you like I did. I'll never forgive myself."
"I understand," Remus says. Marie stares at him with surprised eyes. "I know you didn't hurt me on purpose, you weren't thinking of me at all at the time. At first, that's what hurt me, but then I realised you didn't do it maliciously. You did it because you needed someone to blame for all of the things going wrong around you, so you decided to act out and then blame yourself."
"How did you figure that one out?"
"Sirius," Remus smiles softly. "I didn't tell him what happened with your mam, but I told him some other things and he helped me understand that what you were doing with Billy had nothing to do with me. It hurt me, sure, but that wasn't your aim."
"It really wasn't, Rem," Marie affirms. "I haven't been seeing Billy as much since then, not in the way I was before anyway. I know you're going to hate this, but I am going to keep being his friend, Remus," she says, looking him right in the eye. "I will never forgive him for the way he treated you and I'm not asking you to be his friend too, but he needs me. He's nicer when it's just the two of us and I think that's because he trusts me. I think I can help him to be a better person."
"If anyone can, it's you," Remus says, giving her a small smile.
She smiles back, relieved. "All summer I've been thinking of how to approach you about the Billy thing and then I realised that you deserved a full explanation. I'm sorry it took me so long to work up the courage, I didn't mean to make you wait so long."
"I understand," Remus promises. "I really do."
"I'll understand if you don't want to, but can we be friends again? I miss you," Marie frowns, training her large, blue eyes on him.
"I don't know. I'll have to think about it," Remus says solemnly, before smirking. She huffs and pushes him lightly.
"Mean."
"Silly, of course we can be friends again," Remus looks down and their joined hands. "No more secrets though. They don't seem to work with us."
"You're right," Marie nods. "No more secrets."
"Okay."
"Okay," Marie grins up at him. Remus feels colour rush to his cheeks when he realises just how close they are. As it turns out, he can fancy Sirius as much as he likes, but that won't stop him from still loving Marie just as he did before. Typical.
He thinks about pulling away, maybe knocking their shoulders together in a friendly gesture, but Marie moves forward before he can stop her. Their lips meet in the middle and Remus is suddenly reminded of their last "last" kiss, which he had broken away from far too early, the pain was too fresh back then. Now, it's still there, he still loves her just as he did then, but it stings a little less. He lifts a hand up to cup her cheek and keeps the other intertwined with hers. He runs his tongue across her bottom lip and she sighs, giving Remus permission to slip his tongue into her mouth. It feels familiar, something he's done hundreds of times before, but this is more intense. They're older than they were last year, they've both been through more. They've both matured, experienced more.
"Friends don't kiss, Marie," Remus whispers as their lips separate. Their foreheads are touching and their noses brush, both of them keep their eyes closed. Remus realises how much of a hypocrite he is for that statement, almost laughing as an image of James and their shared kiss in a bathtub comes to mind.
"Sure they do," she says, leaning in to press a swift peck to his lips as if to prove her point. "Friends can do whatever they want."
"Whatever they want," Remus echoes.
Marie removes her hand from his and Remus frowns until he feels her place it on his thigh, slowly moving upwards.
"Marie," he almost growls. The moon was only ten days ago and he's still feeling a bit riled up because of it, especially after having spent a week straight stuck in close proximity with Sirius.
"Remus," she says in a hushed tone. Her hand slides up closer to what Remus presumes is it's intended destination.
"My parents..."
"Are asleep," Marie whispers. "You don't have to."
Remus opens his eyes and realises she's already watching him. Her hand has stopped moving now, so close, yet so far. He swallows.
"Fuck it," Remus mumbles before pushing forward and crashing their lips together in a kiss much firmer than the last. Marie, spurred on by his decision, climbs into his lap and he places his hands on her hips. Her hands run up his torso, to his shoulders, and end up in his hair. She moves her hips and Remus gasps at the friction it creates.
"Are you sure?" She asks.
"Yes."
"Have you ever...?"
"No," he admits, not feeling embarrassed, no longer feeling uncomfortable, because this is the Marie he recognises. She was always there, he just didn't realise it.
"That's okay, Rem, I can show you," she whispers in his ear, moving again and making him groan. Remus tilts his head and catches her lips in another kiss as she continues to move.
Monday - 11th August, 1975
Cara is already knocking on the Lupins' front door only twenty minutes after James arrives through the fireplace. When Remus answers the door, James not too far behind him, Cara ignores him completely and moves over to scoop James up into a hug.
"Fuck, you've grown," she says, pulling away from him and tilting her head back to get a good look at the boy. She's right, James has grown a lot this summer. Remus thinks he's got to be six foot by now.
"Nice to know you missed me," James grins, drawing her back in for another hug. "You've changed, too. Your hair must be a foot longer than it was the last time I saw you."
"I like it long," Cara comments as they disentangle themselves from one another. They both look over at Remus. "Oh, hey."
"Thanks for the lack of enthusiasm, really shows how much you like me," Remus responds sarcastically. "Felix not with you today?"
"No, he offered to help your tad set up the stalls for the fayre on Wednesday," Cara explains. They move into the living room, which is empty just like the rest of the house. "Hugo's father's birthday is today, so he's busy." She drops down into Lyall's armchair and rests her feet on the coffee table in front of her, just as Lyall does before Hope comes in to scold him for it.
"How was your weekend?" James asks her as he sits down on the couch, as close to Cara as he can possibly get. Remus loves how close the two of them are, he honestly never believed his Muggle friends and his Hogwarts friends would ever be this close, but he is so glad they are.
"Eh, fine," Cara shrugs. Then, she sits up, drawing the two boys' attention. "Marie came to my house yesterday. I haven't seen her properly in months and she just showed up on my doorstep."
Remus squirms slightly in his chair, dropping his eyes to the floor. He hasn't actually told anyone about what happened just over a week ago now. He hasn't seen Marie since, they both agreed they needed a few days to grow used to everything that has changed over the last few months. It was unspoken between them that they were going to keep what happened to themselves.
"What?" James asks him, obviously sensing his discomfort.
"Uhm, well, she came to see me, too," Remus admits. "A few days ago."
"I saw you on Saturday, why didn't you say anything?" Cara frowns, not looking upset, just confused.
"I haven't seen her since and everything she said was only meant for me. I didn't think it was important," Remus answers honestly.
"Well, evidently, she's making her rounds. She went and saw Felix right after. I don't think Hugo has had any unplanned visits from her, not yet anyway."
"What did she want to talk to you about?" Remus asks, sitting on the edge of his seat.
"Firstly, she wanted to apologise for blanking me since April," Cara huffs. "Then, she wanted to explain why she did it and, obviously, I let her. What she said made sense and I was never mad at her for distancing herself from us anyway. I understand, of course I do. I did the same thing when my parents died, and even though it isn't the same thing, she did just lose her mam."
"Not to interrupt," James cuts in, interrupting, "but I have no idea what's going on."
Cara chuckles. "I supposed you'll end up finding out anyway since half the village are still talking about it." She rolls her eyes and begins to tell James most of what's happened since April. James grows concerned for Marie, even though he hasn't spoken to the girl for two years.
"Anyway, I think she's trying to make amends and fix everything that's gone wrong. What did you talk about when she came to see you?" Cara asks, turning to Remus.
He can feel as his face turns red as Cara and James stare at him, awaiting his response. "The same as you pretty much. She apologised and then explained. I've forgiven her for the Billy thing."
"Why do you look like you're hiding something?" Cara tilts her head.
"I'm not," Remus shrugs.
"Fine, keep your secrets. I'll figure it out eventually anyway," she smirks. Remus sighs because he knows she's right.
The three of them spend the rest of the day around the village. They walk past the village centre at one point and notice all of the stalls and rides that have been set up so far. Cara catches sight of Felix and waves him over. He grins when he notices James and, just as Cara had, moves over to him first and wraps his arms around him.
"Sorry, I'm a bit sweaty," Felix winces as he pulls back, but James doesn't look bothered. "It's great to see you again. Where have you been hiding for the last two years?"
"I know, I should come and visit more often. So much has changed since I was last here," James wiggles his eyebrows as he looks between Cara and Felix. Cara grimaces when Felix throws his sweaty arm over her shoulders. He presses a kiss to her head and the grimace softens just a little bit.
"Yes, well, he finally developed a brain," Cara states, making James and Remus laugh and Felix squawk in offense.
"Need I remind you that you're supposed to be in love with me?"
"Oh, right, I forgot," Cara snickers. Felix pouts, so Cara steps up onto her tiptoes and presses a kiss to his lips.
"I should probably get back to work, but I'll catch up with you lot later," Felix announces, kissing Cara one more time before hurrying off.
"Hey, we should go and see that new shark movie," Cara suggests as she turns to face the two of them. "Felix and I went to see it when it first came out and it was great. It's got lots of gore in it."
"Oh, I've heard of that, it's supposed to be really good. It's not even out in England yet," Remus says, raising his eyebrows at James in question.
"I don't mind what we do," James grins.
Over two hours later, they walk out of the cinema, Remus and Cara laughing at James who has his arms crossed.
"It's not funny."
"You jumped like twenty times," Cara snorts.
"It was scary!" James argues.
"It wasn't scary, James, it was suspenseful," Remus points out, earning himself a glare.
"That's the same thing. I'm never going to the beach again," he announces.
"Don't tell Sirius that, he'll probably cry."
"I'm traumatised," James cries.
"Do they not have horror movies in the magical world?" Cara asks, curious.
"We don't have any movies in the Wizarding World," James tells her, bad mood immediately fading away. "Electricity and magic don't mix very well, so we don't have televisions or telephones."
"Felix would never survive," Cara says, smiling. "So, what do you do all summer when you're at home?"
"Not a lot, to be honest. I'm an only child and my parents are usually out of the house, so I tend to spend most of my time with my house-elf," James says.
"What's a house-elf?" Cara frowns.
"A small elf that helps with tasks around the house like the laundry and cooking meals," James explains as they continue to walk down the street.
"Like a servant?"
"Not really. I mean, a lot of people do treat their house-elves like slaves, but Mollie is like another member of the family to us."
"Your world only continues to confuse me the more I find out about it," she says, shaking her head. "So, you have elves, what other creatures do you have that I wouldn't know about?"
"Oh, loads," James grins. "Mermaids, unicorns, dragons, nifflers, thestrals, faeries, quintaped, acromantula, I could go on."
"He really could," Remus nods in confirmation.
Cara stares at them both with wide eyes and a slightly parted mouth. "So you're telling me that the mermaids from Peter Pan exist?"
"Well, not those exact ones, but yes," Remus replies. "There's a tribe of them in the lake outside of our school."
"Bonkers. Your world is absolutely bonkers. Why couldn't I have been born a witch?" She tuts.
"Believe me, being a part of the Wizarding World isn't as cool as it sounds. Not at the moment anyway," Remus adds in a mumble.
"Why not?"
James and Remus glance at each other and make a silent agreement not to tell her about the war. She would only worry, or be massively offended, considering the fact that the war is based off a man's hatred for Muggles.
"We're so behind the times, you know," Remus says, snorting. "People have to court each other and get engaged as a teenager before they can so much as kiss. There's a guy in our year who's been engaged since he was twelve."
"Fucking hell," Cara grimaces.
Remus hums in agreement and turns to James, who is frowning down at the ground. Remus knocks their shoulders together and gives him a look as if to ask if he's okay. James smiles and nods lightly.
Wednesday - 13th August, 1975
Remus' tad went to pick up Mary last night and she's been in Wales ever since. Hope already adores her, which Remus expected would happen. Lyall finds her "charming", especially her quick wit, which only rivals Sirius' according to him.
Today is the grand opening of the fayre, which will be on for the next two weeks. The three of them are up and ready by the time nine o'clock hits, which Remus thinks is very good for him and Mary, who hate to be up so early for school, let alone during the summer. James is the first to be ready, predictably. The fayre doesn't open until eleven, but they promised Remus' mam the night before that they would help her make pancakes for breakfast, which is why they are already up.
Disaster strikes as soon as Hope puts Mary on pancake flipping duty. Remus is in charge of putting all the ingredients in the bowl, whilst James is in charge of mixing them all together. Mary drops almost a dozen pancakes in the space of thirty minutes and the three of them somehow manage to get pancake batter all over the counter and a part of the floor, and flour all over themselves.
"We can use magic here, can't we?" Mary asks, clearly hesitant to use magic out of school, likely because she lives with Muggle parents, both of whom could not be blamed for casting any spells if the Ministry were to find out.
"Yeah, they'll just assume it's my tad," Remus tells her. Mary waves her wand across herself, muttering a scourgify, before doing the same thing to James and Remus, who both thank her. The three of them, plus Hope, sit down at the table in the kitchen and dig into their pancakes.
By the time they've finished their breakfast, it's just gone ten, and so they spend the next twenty minutes or so washing up and cleaning the kitchen. Mary starts a bubble fight with the foamy dish soap, which leads to another round of scourgify spells, as well as a few drying ones.
They make it to the fayre just after eleven and find Lyall out the front, handing out wristbands to little children and their parents. Hope offers to stay with him to keep him company, leaving Remus, James and Mary to have fun without parental supervision.
They decide to go over to the large Ferris wheel first and James almost cries when they reach the top after looking down at how far below the ground is. Mary chuckles and wraps her arm around his shoulders, promising she will catch him if he slips.
After the Ferris wheel, they move over to the stalls and play a few fairground games like hook a duck and balloon darts. They have a go on the Helter-Skelter and Remus swears he will never go on it again after getting a carpet burn on the way down. As a joke, they have a go on the carousel. Mary and Remus throw popcorn at each other as they go around and around, whilst James keeps a tight grip on his horse, worried he'll be knocked off of it.
"They've got the Waltzer!" Mary shouts, grabbing the two boys by their arms and dragging them across the field and through the crowds of people. They get strapped into the ride and Remus laughs at the look of fear on James' face when the worker lists out what could happen to them if they don't hold on tight.
"We're going to die," James whispers once the worker has walked away.
Mary snorts and Remus turns to reassure him that they'll be fine, but before he gets the chance to, they start to move. James holds onto the bar tightly and closes his eyes. The ride begins to pick up speed, but Remus knows it can still go faster, since he's been on this before.
"Oh, it's not that bad," James says, smiling.
A minute later, he's yelling like a banshee, screaming for the ride to stop. It doesn't, of course, and Remus has to stop himself from laughing as he places his hand on top of James' to try and comfort him. Mary cackles loudly as they continue to spin around.
When the ride is over, James hurries out of his seat and runs out onto the grass. Mary and Remus follow him and watch in amusement as James drops to the grass, lying on his back.
"Oh, sweet ground, I'll never leave you again," James calls.
"James, come on, it wasn't that bad," Remus chuckles, standing over James and blocking the sun out of the boy's view.
"Feeling sick?" Mary asks, smirking.
"Very," James mumbles, frowning and grumbling.
"Come on," Remus says as he holds out a hand for James to take. "How about we go and get an ice cream?"
"I'll be lucky if I can keep anything down after that torture," James mumbles, sending a final glare at the ride.
They locate an ice cream van in the centre of the fayre, just beside the carousel. Remus gets a double chocolate scoop, Mary orders a Fab, and James gets a strawberry fruit split. It seems to calm him down enough after the last ride to have a go on another. They have a go at the bumper cars, which Remus can tell is James' favourite of the day. Mary ends up winning, of course.
The sky begins to grow dark very soon and only then do they realise how many hours they have spent out here enjoying what it's like to still be kids. When they leave the fayre, they find another adult standing at the front, rather than Remus' parents. They head back to Remus' house, stomachs grumbling. They are getting dinner from the chippie tonight, which Remus has spent the entire day looking forward to.
Mary is nibbling on some candy floss as they walk. She offers some to Remus after hearing his stomach, but he denies her offer, knowing that if he eats another sugar-filled treat he'll probably be sick.
"Wales is so beautiful," Mary says as she looks out over the field they are passing through. Wildflowers grow around them, baby's breath, dandelions and daisies. "It's so quiet out here."
"I know, it's my favourite part about it," Remus smiles.
"I'm not surprised. I imagine you can't wait for summer every year, a chance to get away from that noisy lot," she gestures to James, who makes an offended noise.
"You've got a point there," Remus laughs.
"I am not noisy, that'll be Sirius," James remarks before letting out a soft laugh.
"I'm glad summer's nearly over," Mary comments, face pensive. "As loud as they all are, I miss everyone."
"Me too," James agrees quietly.
"Yeah," Remus says as they continue to make their way through the sea of wildflowers.
Thursday - 14th August, 1975
The next morning, Mary goes back home right after breakfast, saying she has to get back because her cousins are going over to visit her today. The day is quieter without her, but not completely silent because James is still here to keep him company.
At lunch time, an owl Remus doesn't recognise scratches the window. Remus lets it in and accepts the letter tied to it's leg. The bird hoots before soaring back out the window. It's only James and Remus at home today, so he joins James' side again at the table and together they look down at the mysterious envelope. Remus recognises the handwriting immediately as it resembles the same curly penmanship that was written on the front of his Hogwarts letter from four years ago.
"What do you think it's for?" Remus asks, feeling nervous as he stares down at the unexpected letter.
"No idea," James tells him. He takes a bite out of his sandwich and gestures for Remus to open it.
Remus does, pulling a letter out. He notices there's something else in the envelope and so he holds his hand out and tips the envelope upside down. He winces as something hits his hand and immediately starts to burn him.
"Ah, shit," he rasps, teeth clenched together.
"What?" James frowns, reaching out to pick up the small object. "Oh, you're a Prefect!"
"What ?" Remus almost yells.
"Yeah. Oh, you would think they would send you a badge that wasn't made of silver, wouldn't you," James tuts. "I'm sure Sirius will be able to transfigure it when we get back to Hogwarts."
"I suppose," Remus sighs as he looks down at the palm of his hand and notices a big, red burn mark there. "Could you hold onto it for me until Hogwarts?"
"Of course," James smiles and tucks it away into his pocket. Remus feels light-headed, still able to smell it, still recovering from the way it had burnt him. "Do you want me to try and heal it?"
"Do you know how?" Remus questions, arching an eyebrow.
James shrugs. "I've read up on the subject, I can give it a go."
"Alright," Remus agrees.
James pulls his wand out, his eyebrows furrow as he concentrates. He points it to Remus' palm and mutters an incantation. Remus feels a cool tingling just beneath the first couple of layers of his skin and sighs in relief when he notices the skin healing itself. After a minute or two, his hand looks as good as new. He smiles up at James and thanks him.
"You're going to make a great Healer one day," Remus tells him.
"I hope so," James replies, smiling anxiously. "I really want to help people, Remus."
"And you will," Remus affirms, knowing he's right. James Potter was made to save people and, one day, the whole world will know.
***
Friday - 15th August, 1975
James
Even though he's been in Wales for the week, James has tried to keep in daily contact with Regulus through the use of their notebooks. Only a couple of days ago, he found out that Regulus was made a Prefect, just as Remus was. James understands why Remus was given the position, he's the most sensible out of the boys, except for maybe Frank. But Frank is quite shy and Prefects need to have leadership qualities, which Remus definitely has, even if he says he doesn't.
Apparently the other Slytherin Prefect is Scarlett, Regulus' fiancé.
James is fine with it. He knows they're just friends.
Alright, so maybe he's a little bit jealous that they will get to have Prefect rounds together when there's no one else lingering in the hallways, cutting into the time James and Regulus usually spend together. But James knows that's not Scarlett's fault, so he doesn't blame her. Maybe he would like an excuse to blame her for something, but he's mature, so he doesn't. Not at all.
He hasn't been given much time to think too much about his own unreasonable jealousy because Remus has had him busy all week. Most days they see Cara, Felix and Hugo, usually they will start off at someone's house and then they end up down at the marshes. James thinks of the picture he has back at home from his first visit to Wales - the one of him, Remus, Cara, Felix and Marie covered in sloppy mud, all grinning from ear-to-ear. It's odd wandering through the same places without Marie being there, it feels like his memories of Wales were all a dream, some fantasy his mind made up of a girl who no longer exists.
Today they are hanging out in the woods behind Hugo's house. Remus and Cara are slumped against a tree, sharing a cigarette between the two of them. Felix is sitting in the grass a couple of feet away, busy making a daisy and buttercup flower crown. (Cara keeps saying she won't wear it if he offers it to her, and Remus keeps volunteering to take it off his hands if he has no other place to put it.) Hugo and James are both sitting in the tree, Hugo much higher than James, who is sitting low enough to the ground that his feet keep almost knocking Remus in the head.
"If cigarettes taste how they smell, how do you tolerate them?" James asks the two addicts. They both tilt their heads back to look at him and then share a glance with each other, something like mischief shines in their eyes.
Cara looks back up at him and holds out the small death stick. "Here. Try it out for yourself."
James blinks, looks at the cigarette, then at Remus and Cara, and then at Felix who is shaking his head. Knowing already that he will probably regret this, he decides to ignore Felix's helpful suggestion that he deny Cara's offer, and instead takes the lit smoke from her hand. He stares at it for a minute before Remus informs him that it will burn out if he doesn't try it soon, which will be a waste.
"You don't have to," Remus calls up to him.
"It will taste like shit the first time and you'll probably cough your guts up, but once you get the hang of it, you'll look cool," Cara tells him, raising her eyebrows. James glances at Felix, who tilts his head as if to say, She's got a point.
Sighing, James quickly lifts it to his lips and breathes in. It's an odd experience, feeling the literal essence of fire trail down your throat and settle in your lungs, which are not designed for this sort of thing. He realises once he's done it that he's polluting his lungs, literally breathing in insalubrious air on purpose.
The moment his lungs are full, he feels them contract, and as he attempts to breathe out, they decide to shrivel up. He starts coughing, his eyes watering as he does. He holds the cigarette out as far away from himself as he can and just stares at it with pure hatred.
"Would you look at that? He coughed less than you did, Remus," Cara notes, a hint of admiration in her tone as she continues to look up at James. "You going to finish that, James, or would you like me to take it off your hands?"
James swallows some fresh air and grimaces when he still tastes nicotine on his tongue. Slowly, apprehensively, he brings the smoke back to his mouth and tries it again, having heard from Sirius that it gets better the more you try it. He knows he's a hypocrite, especially after having spent the last year scolding Remus and Sirius for stinking out the dormitory with this very thing.
This time, it only brings a sense of discomfort to his airways, but he doesn't cough. The taste lingers, but he ignores it and goes in for some more.
"Christ, give your lungs a break, mate," Remus calls up with a chuckle. "Sirius wouldn't believe this even if I had a picture as evidence."
"Not bad then?" Cara asks him, smirking.
"I'm not a fan of the taste, but I don't mind the rest of it." James' favourite part of smoking - possibly the only part of it he likes - is the idea of having something as dangerous as fire against his lips, something as toxic as smoke flowing through his lungs without the fear of it killing him. Not right away anyway. It makes him feel stronger, which is a strange effect from such a small object. He wonders if Regulus would find it attractive, James knows people usually tend to, but then he isn't sure if he would group Regulus in with "people". He's something else entirely.
"I'm strangely proud of him right now," he hears Cara say.
"You've tainted him," Hugo sighs jokingly. "Another one bites the dust."
"Nah, James is still a saint," Remus smiles up at him.
"Alright, I think that's enough for now," James says, passing the little bit of the cigarette that's left down to Cara. She manages to get one more puff out of it before stomping it into the ground.
"Done!" Felix announces, holding out the flower crown with a prideful smile on his face. Cara backs away from him, but Remus steps up and allows Felix to delicately place it on top of his head of curls. "You're so beautiful," Felix wipes away a fake tear.
"I know," Remus shrugs before moving back to his spot under the tree.
"I'm bored," Cara proclaims.
"Then, play a game," Hugo suggests.
"Mm," she hums. "Truth or dare?"
"Who are you talking to?" Felix asks and Cara narrows her eyes at him. This has the opposite intended effect, as Felix practically melts under the attention. James wonders if that's what he looks like whenever Regulus scolds him and he gets all giddy about it.
"Well, as you've volunteered yourself, you," Cara smiles sweetly at her boyfriend.
"Truth," Felix decides after a moment of contemplation.
"Ooh, I've got one," Remus says. "What was it about Cara that made you realise you liked her?"
"Oh, I want to know the answer to this, too," Cara says as she turns to Felix. James and Hugo both stare at the boy, awaiting his answer.
"Well... alright, it's going to sound really stupid now, but at the time it was mind-blowing," Felix starts, eyes faraway in a memory. "Do you remember when Owen Diggs picked on Remus so we agreed to have a fight at lunch?"
"Wait, you scheduled your fight?" James laughs.
"Yeah, didn't you do that in primary school?"
"I didn't go to primary school, I'm a Wizard," he reminds them.
"Oh, right, well it was a common thing to schedule your fights in primary school. Usually, teachers would find out about it and stop it before it ever even started because children can't keep quiet for five seconds. However, this fight was a long time coming and everyone knew to keep their mouths shut."
"I don't understand how this answers my question," Remus frowns.
"I'm getting there," Felix tells him. "Anyway, I was on my way to the field where we agreed to have our fight, but when I got there..." He looks at Cara and James can't help but laugh at the way Felix's cheeks heat up. "Cara was already hitting Owen."
"And that's what did it for you? Cara beating up a guy in my honour?" Remus chuckles.
"Not quite," Felix says. "After she dropped Owen to the ground, she warned him to stay away from me and then said that the next time he plans on fighting me, he can take it up with her instead."
Cara shrugs. "I wasn't going to let an oaf like Owen Diggs ruin your face, he was twice your size and you cry when you accidentally kill a spider. He would have eaten you alive."
"So, the reason you like Cara is because she beat the shit out of a guy so that you didn't get your face kicked in?" Hugo concludes. "You have issues."
"I don't know," James voices, catching everyone's attention. "I think I understand where he's coming from."
Remus raises an eyebrow at him.
Smirking, Cara asks, "Truth or dare, James?"
"Er... truth?" James replies, already feeling nervous.
"Do you like someone at your magic school? Someone who defends your honour," she teases.
"What?" James loses his balance and falls out of the tree, landing in a heap by Cara's folded up legs. She stares down at him and he knows she's expecting him to answer. He rights himself and brushes off a few blades of grass, frowning down at the grass stains on his jeans.
"Well?" She presses.
"...Maybe," James mumbles, avoiding Remus' gaze, which he can feel on him.
"What? Who?" Remus questions a bit shrilly.
"I believe my turn is over," James announces. "Hugo, truth or dare?"
"Not so fast," Cara holds out a hand to stop him. "Maybe isn't an answer, James. You like someone?"
James frowns. "Yes."
"Have you ever mentioned this person in your letters?"
"No."
"Hm, interesting," Cara hums.
"Interesting? This is world-changing news," Remus shouts. "James, who is it?"
"I'm not telling you that," James huffs.
"Ugh, fine," Remus crosses his arms. "Do they like you back?"
"Ooh, good question," Cara grins, turning to James. Intimidated by the both of them, James can't help but answer.
"They might," he shrugs, playing with the grass as a distraction. There's a thrill of excitement in his chest at his admittance. As much as he loves that Regulus is his, just his, he wouldn't be lying if he said that he did sometimes wish he could tell people. He wants everyone to know that Regulus chose him.
"We've been over this," Cara groans. "'Might' and 'maybe' aren't answers."
"They do," James admits, feeling as his cheeks turn pink.
"Seriously, who is it?" Remus asks, frowning now. James can practically see the cogs turning endlessly - and aimlessly, because he's never going to figure it out on his own - in his head.
"I'm not telling you," James states firmly. "It's not- we're not- It isn't something I'm willing to talk about at this point in time."
"Fine," Remus falls back against the base of the tree.
"Boring," Cara blows a raspberry at him.
"Hugo, your turn," Felix calls up to the boy. It's followed by a groan.
Saturday - 16th August, 1975
"Are you sure you want to go? Didn't you get into a fight at the last one?" James asks as he fixes his outfit in the mirror in Remus' bathroom. Remus is standing behind him, running a comb through his hair.
"Yeah but that guy won't be at this party and I don't hate anyone else enough to get into a fight with them," Remus tells him with a shrug. "Aren't you excited? You get to experience a Muggle party."
James grins and feels as exhilaration buzzes beneath his skin. "I am, but I'm also scared."
"Why?"
"What if I get drunk and start talking about magic to a Muggle?" James bites his lip anxiously as he pictures that scenario playing out in his head.
"I was worried about that last year, but it never happened. You could always not get drunk," Remus suggests and James supposes that may be the safest option.
They walk over to Cara's once they're ready, having planned earlier on in the day to meet here for the party because it's taking place only a couple of houses down from Cara's house. The five of them walk the rest of the way together and James grows more anxious as they arrive. Cara and Felix must have come here before because they seem to know the layout of the house enough to make it over to the kitchen quickly. Each of them take a drink from the selection arranged on the countertop and begin to scatter. Cara takes Felix's hand and drags him away from the group, whilst Hugo nods at them before wandering off to do his own thing.
James turns to Remus with a questioning glance. "So, what now?"
"Enjoy yourself," Remus says simply. "Come on, let's go play beer pong."
"What's beer pong?"
Half-an-hour later and James is already feeling tipsy, he and Remus are losing miserably at this pong game but he doesn't mind. He's having fun. Plus, when the other team wins, it just means he and Remus get to drink more beer, which doesn't feel like a loss to him. Cara and Felix returned to the main part of the party not too long ago, both looking slightly dishevelled and far too happy with themselves. James hasn't seen Hugo since they got here, but he assumes he's just socialising with some of his other friends.
After the pong game is over - with James and Remus coming in last - they go to get another drink from the kitchen. James fills his cup up with vanilla vodka, which sounds sinful but is actually not so bad. He tops it off with some Diet Coke and then downs it.
Never mind his plan to remain tipsy and not drunk.
He and Remus join Cara and Felix in the living room, where the music is coming from. They all lounge out on one of the couches, Cara in Felix' lap. They drink and they talk and at one point Cara and Remus go out for a cigarette. James thinks about joining them, but then decides against that idea, not wanting to become addicted like Remus already is.
Hugo returns after a couple of hours since they all arrived. He looks drunk and much happier than he had before. It is only then that James realises how down he had looked earlier. He wonders if he's okay. When Hugo sits down on the couch next to him, he voices his question.
"Yeah, 'm fine," Hugo smiles dopily at him. "How are you liking your first high school party?"
"It's not much different to the ones we have at Hogwarts, to be honest," James replies, not noticing as his words slur. "Only problem is, I don't know where the toilet is. I've been desperate to go for the last twenty minutes."
Hugo lets out a loud laugh, contagious enough that James almost starts to laugh right along with him. "Why'd you not ask one of us sooner?"
"Didn't think of it," James snorts.
"God, you're pissed already. Me too," he giggles.
"So, toilet?" James asks once he's stopped laughing because Hugo did, inevitably, get him.
"Upstairs, the second door on the left."
"Cheers," James grins, holding up his drink. "Oh, can you actually hold onto this for me?" He passes his cup to Hugo, who takes it without complaint.
He's wonky on his feet as he leaves the living room, trying his best not to accidentally stumble into any of the teenagers surrounding him. He locates the stairs and grins with relief when he sees they aren't too far away. When he reaches them, he only manages to get a couple of steps up before someone is drawing his attention away from his mission to get to the toilet.
When he turns to see the source of the tapping on his shoulder, he finds a girl standing behind him. Her hair is black and her skin is a warm, light brown. She stares up at him with dark eyes and a shining smile, which is accentuates by a row of pearly whites.
"Hello," James smiles, unsure why she stopped him when he has no idea who she is.
"Hi, I haven't seen you around here before," she says, returning his smile and moving up a couple of steps so that they're faces are level. She looks down at him, taking a strand of her hair and twiddling it around her fingers. "My name's Akiko, but my friends call me Kiki. What's yours?"
"James," he responds. "It's nice to meet you."
"You can call me Kiki," she tells him in a whisper, moving closer so he can hear her.
"Are we friends?" James asks. Maybe they met earlier and he just forgot because of how much he's been drinking.
"I think we should be closer than friends," Kiki murmurs, placing one of her hands on his shoulders. She slowly starts to move her hand down his chest.
James frowns, feeling uncomfortable at the unexpected and sudden touch. He reaches up and gently removes her hand from his front, placing it back by her side. He smiles nervously.
"Sorry, but I'm taken," James says, realising he likes saying it and knowing he's talking about Regulus. Merlin, he misses him so much right now. He wishes he'd brought his notebook with him. "You're very nice though."
"Nice enough to ignore that first thing you said?" Kiki tries, a hopeful glimmer in her eyes.
"Sorry," James shrugs as he steps around her and continues up the stairs. When he gets to the top of the stairs, he chances a glance back and finds Kiki still watching him, her eyes hooded. James hurries away from her view. He finds the door to what he hopes is the bathroom and rushes inside, closing the door quickly behind him and locking it. He turns and presses his back against it, closing his eyes for a moment.
He hears a sniffle and his eyes snap open. When he looks down, he notices a girl sitting on the bathroom floor, back to the bathtub, her arms wrapped around her legs. James would recognise that head of blonde curls anywhere.
"Marie?" Cautiously, James approaches her. She doesn't look up at him, just keeps her head bowed against her knees. He sits down beside her and tries again, "Marie, are you okay?"
Finally, she looks up at him, her eyelashes are clumped together with tears and her cheeks are red and damp. James shuffles closer to her and holds an arm out, not expecting her to accept his offer because they haven't seen each other in years. She surprises him by falling against his chest before letting out a low sob.
"Are you alright? Did someone do something to you?" James questions, feeling himself sober up at the implication.
"No and no," she answers, allowing him to sigh in relief. Then, he realises what she's just said.
"No, you're not okay?"
"I'm crying on the floor of some random bathroom, James, what do you think?" She snaps, but he doesn't blame her for it. He knows she's upset right now. "Sorry. What are you doing here anyway?"
"Well, I've been in Wales all week and I'm at this party with Remus."
"Remus is here?" Marie looks up at him again. James nods. "Fuck."
"Marie, why are you crying on the floor of a random bathroom?"
"I thought I could do it. Come here, have some fun, ignore anyone who bothered me, but it's hard without the others. Remus forgave me, but then I ruined it." More tears slip out of her eyes, running down her cheeks. James frowns and wipes them away.
"What do you mean you ruined it?" He asks.
"I kissed him. I keep giving him mixed signals and it's not fair," she whispers. James is surprised by this information. Remus didn't tell him about that. Also, he knows Remus has a crush on Sirius, even if he isn't completely over Marie yet. James is just grateful his own love life isn't this complicated.
"It was just a kiss," James shrugs. "I'm sure he knew that."
"It wasn't just a kiss... we also... uhm," she mumbles, her cheeks flaming.
James' eyes widen. "You what?"
Marie confesses to him about what she and Remus did and James gets the sudden urge to go downstairs and give Remus a high-five, before he realises that may not be entirely appropriate. Especially not right now.
"Alright, maybe a few mixed signals then," James murmurs. "Remus doesn't expect anything of you, Marie. He knows you're going through a lot at the moment and... I think he's finally beginning to move on." He winces as he tells her this, not wanting to hurt her anymore than she apparently already is.
"Moved on?" She asks, eyes vulnerable. James nods and then averts his gaze, not wanting to give away the fact that Remus now has a crush on someone. And not just someone - Sirius. "Oh my god."
"What?"
"He finally figured it out, didn't he?" Marie inquires.
James blinks. "Figured what out?"
"Well, I can't tell you if you don't know," Marie squints her eyes at him.
"And I can't tell you what I know, not without being a disloyal friend."
"So, you know something?"
"I might."
"Remus likes someone else, doesn't he?" Marie raises an eyebrow.
"...I don't know," he mumbles.
"You're a shit liar," she tells him.
"I know," he sighs. "Wait, so how do you know what you know?"
"I'm observant," she shrugs. "And I know what Remus is like when he has a crush."
"Do you know who it is?"
"I do," Marie nods.
"So do I."
They're silent for a few minutes.
"So, is Sirius still seeing that Jess guy then?" Marie asks.
James almost jumps back as he points at her and yells, "How do you know ?!"
"Ah, so Remus definitely has figured it out then. It was about bloody time," Marie snickers. James continues to stare at her, shocked. "What? Are you surprised I knew? He's not very good at hiding it. When we were dating he would send me letters upon letters about how much he didn't like Sirius' new boyfriend. That was pretty much my first clue."
"Oh, Remus," James sighs, feeling bad for his oblivious friend. "Yeah, Sirius is still with Jess."
"What's it been, ten months now? They've lasted double the time Remus and I did," Marie comments bitterly, if James isn't mistaken.
"I can't believe you know."
"Yes, well, sometimes I wish I didn't," Marie murmurs as she looks down at the tiled floor.
"He still loves you. I don't think he'll ever be able to stop," James tells her, hoping to be reassuring. He doesn't think Marie and Remus will ever end up back together, not after everything that has happened between and around them over the last year, but he still thinks she could take comfort from knowing that it isn't because Remus doesn't love her anymore.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to either," Marie whispers. She looks up at James and then grimaces.
"What?"
"I think... I'm going to be sick," she announces before crawling across the floor and making it to the toilet just in time. James scrambles forward to pull her hair out of her face. He holds it back in one hand and uses the other to rub gentle circles in her back as she continues to vomit.
"I'm sorry," she croaks once she's finished. James grabs her some toilet roll so she can wipe her face and she thanks him with a small smile.
"There's no need to apologise, none at all," James assures her. "Are you going to be alright getting home later?"
Marie shrugs as she drops the used toilet paper into the toilet. "I wasn't planning on going home."
"Where were you going to go?"
"Dunno," she admits. "But I'm not going home, not when she's there."
"Who?" James asks.
"My father's mistress," Marie tells him with a blank expression. "No, I would rather sleep on the street."
"Nonsense. I'm sure Remus wouldn't mind you coming to stay with us for the night," James says.
"I couldn't."
"Yes, you could. Come on." James takes her hand as he stands, pulling her up with him. "Are you okay? Do you think you're going to be sick again?"
"No, I'll be fine," Marie promises. "Where are we going?"
"To find Remus," James tells her. He keeps his hand in hers as they leave the bathroom. He turns back to her and notices some smudged mascara on her cheek, so he reaches out to clean it away, sure she wouldn't want people to know she was crying in the bathroom. They make their way downstairs and James almost sighs when he notices that Kiki girl is still lurking by the bottom of the stairs. She smiles when she notices James and then scoffs when she spots his hand in Marie's.
"Really? You're with her," Kiki folds her arms over her front and gives Marie a once over. "You did hear about what her father did, didn't you?"
"Actually, we aren't-" Marie starts, but James stops her with a gentle squeeze of his hand.
"I know and I don't care because her father's actions are not her own. Marie is one-hundred times better than you because she wouldn't judge someone for someone else's unjust actions." He drops Marie's hand and throws his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, love, let's go." He leads them both away from Kiki, who is gaping like a fish, clearly unable to find a retort to that.
"That was amazing," Marie tells him in a whisper, her eyes brighter than they have been all night.
James grins. "Sorry if I overstepped any boundaries, I couldn't help myself."
"No, you're fine. That was the best thing I've seen in months."
"Oh, well, good then. Come on, Remus is this way," he says, keeping his arm around her as they make their way towards the living room. He notices the way her face falls with anxiety, so he squeezes her shoulder soothingly. "Don't worry, Remus won't mind you staying."
"Yeah, but even if he does he'll lie and pretend he doesn't."
"He won't mind," James attests, not giving Marie the time to argue with him as they approach Remus, who is still sitting in the same spot on the couch as he was when James last saw him. When Hugo catches sight of James, he grins and holds out his drink. James takes it and thanks him, dragging Marie along with him who is still reluctant to follow. Hugo's grin falters slightly at the sight of her, but only for a moment before it grows to twice it's previous size. He shuffles across the couch and pats it. Marie stares at the empty spot beside the boy and then looks up at him with a hopeful expression. James gives her a gentle shove that he hopes is subtle and Marie sends him a teasingly scolding look before going over to sit beside Hugo, who instantly brings her into a conversation.
James drops down onto the other couch where Remus is sitting and tries his best not to laugh when he feels Remus start to poke him.
"Yes, Remus?" James turns to him with a smile.
"Where did you find Marie?" Remus asks, face contorted with confusion.
"In the bathroom. She's having a bit of a rough night and doesn't want to go home because her dad's... friend is going to be there and she doesn't like them. So, I told her she could stay with us. You don't mind, do you?"
Remus frowns, concerned, eyes jumping over to Marie, who is still talking to Hugo and laughing outwardly. When his eyes finally return to James, they've softened extensively. "Of course she can stay the night. Is she alright?"
"Yeah, she'll be fine. She was a bit upset because people keep talking about her around her. That and she's worried you hate her after... what you guys did," James side-eyes him and smirks as Remus' eyes widen and his cheeks redden.
"What we did," he echoes.
"There's no need to act shy, Remus," James chuckles. "From what I've heard, you aren't shy at all anymore."
Remus groans and sinks backwards into the couch, covering his face with his hands. "I hate you."
"You love me," James pokes him, grinning still.
When they do make it back to Remus' house a few hours later, Hope is waiting up for them. She looks pleasantly surprised to see Marie, especially by Remus' side. James and Remus let Marie take the bed, even after she argues about why she shouldn't be the one to get it, but the boys insist. They sleep on the couch, both passing out relatively quickly after such a long night of drinking.
Monday - 18th August, 1975
James returns home the next Monday and is expecting his parents to be out doing another job for Dumbledore and the war effort. However, he is delighted to find both his mother and his father waiting for him as soon as he steps out into the living room. Both of them make their way over to him quickly and pull him into a tight hug, asking him how his week has been. He tells them about the Muggle party he went to, knowing they won't mind what he did so long as he was safe and didn't disrespect the Lupins, who were all gracious hosts - even Remus who sometimes flicked him awake, somehow managing to wake up before James on some mornings.
"So, what's with the warm welcome?" James asks as they move over to the couches. He leaves his bags on the floor, knowing Mollie will only steal them out of his hands if he tries to take them upstairs himself anyway.
"We missed you," his dad tells him.
"Right, but mum's eyebrow is twitching, which only happens when she's excited about something," James says, pointing to his mother.
"Alright, fine, here," Effie tuts, passing him an envelope. James frowns down at it as he notices the Hogwarts crest on the seal. He knows he can't have gotten the Prefect position for Gryffindor because Remus already did, James still has his pin as proof. He rips open the envelope and pulls out a letter and something else along with it.
Frowning, he stares down at the pin in his hand. Captain.
He blinks.
"What?" James questions.
"You're the new Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, isn't that excellent?" His mother asks him, a smile blooming across her face as she stares down at the badge in his palm.
"Oh," James mumbles as it finally hits him. Then, it really hits him and he stares up at his parents with wide eyes. "Oh Merlin, I'm Captain? I thought Frank would get the position."
"Your last Captain must have thought you were better for the job," his dad says, grinning down at him.
"I can't believe it," James says, blinking down at his badge. It's silver, just like Remus' Prefect pin, which means he'll have to ask Sirius to transfigure this one, too.
"I can," his mother tells him with a gentle nudge. "You've come a long way since first year, Jamie. We're so proud of you."
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
nain = grandmother (Welsh)MENTIONS:
- Well, there's Marie's side of things. I hope you guys don't hate her for everything because, as the person who created her, I don't think she deserves that. She's just someone who has gone through far too much far too young.
- I'm assuming none of you expected THAT to happen between Marie and Remus... It was always in the plan, their relationship is complicated. They aren't back together, they're just friends who used to be together and are still in love.
- CARA AND JAMES REUNION!!!
- James at a Muggle fayre is hilarious to me. Not him begging for his life on the Waltzer 😭
- Remus is a Prefect! So is Regulus! And James is the Quidditch Captain!
- Spoiler alert: James is jealous of Scarlett (he's just in denial - but that wouldn't be the first time for him).
- Hugo is so quiet, but whenever he talks he's so funny 😭
- James pretending he's Marie's boyfriend - it was mutually beneficial.
- Remus being concerned about Marie. I'm so glad they're friends again <3Thanks for all the love, everyone. See you next week! <3
Chapter 57: Fifth Year: Explosive Stars and Golden Suns
Summary:
Sirius visits Jess. A new relationship starts between two characters. Narcissa has a few things to say. Regulus reunites with James. Fifth year starts!
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention the death of a parent
-mention of war/attacks
-brief mention of a parent being unsupportive about their child being in a same-sex relationship
-implied underage sexual content (not sex)
-implied child abuseThe povs are shifted in this chapter, which is going to be a common occurrence during the upcoming Regulus and Sirius chapters. It's a bit annoying but it needed to be done so the story will progress how I need it to :)
Also, this one is a bit shorter than the others because I've been trying to shorten the chapter lengths a bit.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Why else love
if not to feel stars
exploding in our veins
~ Butterflies Rising
Tuesday - 19th August, 1975
Sirius
It's been almost two months since the attempted break-in at the Department of Mysteries. Two months since Bradley lost his father and just as long since Sirius wrote to him to express his greatest sympathies. Sirius has been waiting for a response all summer and has been rather worried by the lack of one.
He's surprised when his dad comes into his room today with a letter in his hand, addressed to Sirius specifically. He knows it can't have been from Remus, James or Pete - all people he corresponds with constantly, and all people whose handwriting he could recognise from a mile away. Thanking his dad, he takes the envelope and unseals it as Ted leaves the room.
To Sirius,
Thank you for your letter, it meant a lot to hear from you. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. If I'm being honest, it took me until now to even open your letter. My family has been sent so many over the last couple of months, from friends, family, strangers. I could tell my mother was becoming overwhelmed by it all on top of everything that was going on, so we decided to wait until we could actually speak about it before we started reading people's apologies on the matter. To tell you the truth, it's all been very overwhelming.
I'm not really sure how to answer whenever people ask how I'm doing or when they tell me they're sorry, as if it's their fault. If I'm being honest, I'm angry that this has happened. These attacks have been going on for years now and no one appears to be doing anything to put a stop to it all. I wish I was old enough to do something about it. My mother told me the war is only getting worse day by day, and my father's death was a turning point in the war. There appears to be no line these terrorists won't cross to get what they want. It's getting more dangerous to leave our houses every day.
My mother almost wouldn't let me return to Hogwarts this year, but I eventually convinced her it would be the safest option for me. Dumbledore is the most powerful Wizard in Britain and he will be able to protect us all. I'm just worried about my mother because she'll now have to spend most of the year alone at home.
Anyway, let's move on from the depressing topic of the war. How are you doing? I hope you've had a good summer so far. Your little sister should be a year or two old now, right? I bet she's adorable. I wish I had a little sibling, all I've got is a brother who's over a decade older than me and he isn't the best company in the world. He hasn't even shown his face around here once this summer, not even after... well, everything that's gone on.
Are you excited for fifth year? I'm a Prefect! Are you? I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing, but I've been talking to Kingsley and Emmeline, who are also both Prefects. Let me know if you are, too, or if you're not then tell me who is. (I'm curious about who I'll be spending night rounds with - hopefully none of the more intolerable Slytherins.) If you can't get a letter to me by the end of the summer, then we should meet up on the train. I'll probably be sitting with Callum, Kingsley and the rest of the Ravenclaws guys.
I hope to hear from you soon, Sirius.
Bradley
Once he's finished reading it, he walks across his room and places the letter down on his desk. He takes a seat and pulls out some parchment and a pen - not finding the need to use a quill when he's away from school - and starts writing out a response.
Bradley has been one of his friends since first year and, while he doesn't see him as much as he does his other friends, he does still care about him. He can't even begin to imagine what Bradley must be going through. Losing his dad - Sirius doesn't want to imagine it.
Sirius sends his response off with his parents' owl as soon as he's finished writing it, sticking it swiftly in an envelope and sealing it with his tongue. He watches as the bird soars off into the distance and wonders if he'll hear from Bradley again before the summer is over.
Later that day, his mum apparates him to Jess' house, where he is going to be spending the next few days. He hasn't seen Jess since he came to Sirius' back in July. It's been about five weeks, but it feels like it's been longer than that.
His mum doesn't insist on walking him to the doorway, instead sending him on his way and disapparating as soon as he's left her side. Sirius wonders not for the first time if the reason his mum is never too eager to meet other Wizarding families is because they might recognise her. Would they tell her if they did? Maybe Sirius would find out who her family is.
He's nervous as he approaches the front door and it finally hits him that this is the first time he's going to be seeing Jess' parents as his fist raps against the wooden door. What if they don't like him? What if he makes a bad impression? What if they decide they would rather Jess be with a girl? After all, he is also attracted to girls, and his family are all Purebloods, so surely they would prefer he be able to give them biological grandchildren.
Sirius' worries melt away when the door swings open, revealing Jess and a woman not much shorter than him. Her hair is blonde, unlike her two sons, but her eyes are the same brownish-green as Jess' are. She stands at the same height as Sirius, which somehow makes her more intimidating than what he had imagined of her in his head.
Jess, who now has a grin brightening up his face, jumps forward and throws his arms around Sirius' shoulders. Sirius hugs him back instinctively and buries his face in his boyfriend's shoulder, breathing in the scent of expensive cologne and something sweet.
"Oh, Jesse," the woman behind them tuts. Sirius raises his head so that his chin is resting against Jess' shoulder and looks over at her. She's got her hands on her hips, a tea towel dangling from one of her hands, and an apron placed over a blue and pink dress. "Let the boy breathe."
"Right, sorry," Jess says, stepping back and releasing Sirius. He isn't very happy with this new development, but he supposes it's necessary if he wants to properly meet Jess' family. "Mother, this is Sirius. Sirius, this is my mother."
"It's lovely to meet you, ma'am," Sirius greets, holding his hand out. She takes it and then, unexpectedly, pulls him into a hug, catching him completely off guard so that he stumbles.
"It feels like it's been years since Jesse started telling me about you," she tells him, arms still squeezing him as she does. "It's brilliant to finally meet you, Sirius."
"You too, ma'am."
"Please, call me June," she insists as she finally pulls away from him. "Come on, let's get you inside. Jess, fetch your boyfriend's things."
"I can do it," Sirius tries, but she interrupts him by saying he's a guest so all he should be doing is sitting down with a nice, warm tea. Sirius lets himself be led by June into a spacious living room, but still not as big as he was expecting from a Pureblood family. It sort of reminds him of Potter manor, perhaps a bit smaller. This is less a manor and more a house. Sirius glances back and smiles at Jess, who grins back at him as he continues to carry Sirius' bag.
"This is the sitting room, make yourself at home," June says, gesturing for Sirius to take a seat on one of the floral-patterned couches. He does so and listens as she tells him she is going to go and make a pot of tea before marching off like a woman on a mission. Jess comes into the living room just as his mother departs it, placing Sirius' bag in the corner of the room before making his way over to the couch and sitting down beside him. Their legs are as pressed up against each other as they can get.
"Sorry," Jess winces. "Sometimes she can be a bit much, but she means well."
"No, she's great," Sirius beams, eyes scanning the room. He notices moving pictures decorating one of the walls, a family of four, two parents and two sons. He smiles as he finds a picture of Jess and Anthony, both must be only five and six years old. They're playing together in a field, pushing each other about whilst laughing.
When his eyes move away from the pictures, he takes in the rest of the room. The walls are a gentle pink, going nicely with the cream-coloured carpet and floral décor. There's a small box of blankets across the room, probably throws for the couches. On the far side of the room, there's a tapestry that takes up an entire wall, branches twirl their way around it with names attached to them.
"What is that?" Sirius asks, getting up from his seat and crossing the room. Jess follows him.
"The family tree," Jess sighs. "It's a bit obnoxious, I know. Most Pureblood families have one, so my father insisted."
"How does it work?"
"Every time someone gets married or has a baby, another branch grows and the magic weaves them into the tapestry. Look," Jess points to one of the lower branches and Sirius can't help but laugh when he realises he's pointing to himself. "That's mine and there's Ant."
"Wow, it's really accurate," Sirius says, bending lower to see it properly. "Oh, would you look at that. It even managed to get your smirk just right."
Jess rolls his eyes fondly before taking Sirius' hand and drawing him back over to the couch. "Don't you have a family tree?"
"No, my dad's a Muggleborn," Sirius says, avoiding Jess' eye. He doesn't want to say he's a Half-Blood, because he knows that isn't true. He's a Pureblood, as unbelievable as that sounds.
"Yeah, but your mum's a Pureblood, right? Doesn't she have one?"
"Her parents probably do," Sirius shrugs. "I wouldn't know though because she hasn't spoken to her family since she got married to a Muggleborn."
"Oh," Jess frowns. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault the world hates Muggles," Sirius murmurs, looking up at his boyfriend. Wanting to change the subject, he asks, "So, where's Anthony?"
"He's staying at Leslie's until Saturday, so we'll only have to deal with him for a day and a half at best," Jess smirks.
"Don't act as if you don't adore your brother," Sirius pokes him in the side. "I bet you've been moping around the house ever since he left."
"He has been," June announces as she enters the living room, a tray with a teapot and empty cups hovering behind her. "Like a little baby."
"I have not," Jess argues, crossing his arms.
"Mhm," his mother says as she sits down on the couch opposite them. The tray drops gracefully onto the coffee table between them and June tells him to help himself. "Sirius, I hear you have a baby sister. I would say I miss having a baby around the house, but I've already got one," her eyes jump over to Jess, who narrows his eyes at his mother teasingly.
Sirius tries to cover his laughter by bringing his tea up to his mouth and taking a sip. He places it back down on the table once he's finished. "Yeah, Dora. She's probably more of a toddler now because she's walking, but she'll always be a baby in my eyes."
"Dora - what a lovely name."
"It's short for Nymphadora," Sirius tells her, raising an eyebrow. June's eyes widen but she doesn't comment on it. "Personally, I'm not a fan of extravagant names, which is why I call her Dora."
"I must agree with you there, Sirius," June nods. "That's why I chose fine names like Anthony and Jesse. Of course, this one here-" she gestures to Jess "-doesn't like his full name and insists we call him Jess."
"That's because Anthony used to call me Messy Jesse," Jess tuts and Sirius bursts out laughing.
"Yes, you always were such a clumsy little thing, spilling your supper all down yourself and such," June shakes her head, staring at her son like she's endeared by him. "Anyway, you should know to ignore your brother by now when he's being mean to you."
Jess looks like he's about to say something, but then there's the sound of the front door opening from down the hall, stealing everyone's attention. June and Jess share a quick look, something troubled in their expressions, and then June's melts into something reassuring as she gets up from her seat and pats down her apron. Confused, Sirius turns to look at his boyfriend, who is frowning at the doorway. They can't see the hallway from here, so Sirius has no idea who could have just entered the house. He imagines it must be Jess' father, since Anthony isn't expected home for a few days yet.
"Are you okay?" Sirius whispers, placing a hand on Jess' knee.
Clearing his throat, Jess stands up and pats his hair down. "Yeah, I'm fine. That's my father. He's... erm..."
Sirius feels himself deflate as he realises what's happening. "He doesn't know I'm your boyfriend, does he?"
Jess' eyes are full of guilt as he looks down at Sirius. "He does, but he isn't exactly thrilled about it."
Sirius gets up to stand and looks Jess right in the eye. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with that."
"You're sorry? I'm sorry. He's probably not going to be very nice to you, which is unfair because you're probably the nicest person I know, and it's all because you're a boy," Jess frowns.
"Jess, it's alright," Sirius affirms as he steps forward and cups Jess' worried face. "I'm charming, remember? I'll win him over."
Humour sparkles in Jess' eyes, but his eyebrows are still furrowed with anxiety. "You can give it a try."
"I will. Come on," Sirius says as he drops his hands from Jess' face and slowly wraps one of them around one of Jess'.
They make their way out into the corridor and Sirius feels as his own anxiety spikes when he realises Jess' father is a very tall man. Not only that, but he looks made of muscle. His hair is combed to the side, dark like his sons', and his skin is pale. His face is soft as he looks down at his wife, but the moment he notices the two boys approaching them, his posture stiffens and the skin around his eyes tighten.
"Be nice," Sirius hears June whisper sharply before jabbing the man in the arm with her elbow.
"Good afternoon, Mister Bell, it's a pleasure to meet you," Sirius is careful to annunciate his words properly, perhaps putting it on a bit too thick to be considered normal. Jess' father looks him up and down, his top lip quivers like it wants to turn up into a sneer, but he seems to resist it. Instead, he reaches out to take Sirius' hand and shakes it, his expression neutral.
"It's nice to meet you, too," Mister Bell says gruffly, dropping his hand as soon as possible.
"It's a wonderful home you have here, sir," Sirius replies.
June clears her throat, causing her husband to roll his eyes. "You can call me David."
"Thank you, Mist- I mean, David." Sirius mentally berates himself and almost doesn't notice when Jess starts leading them away from his parents and up the stairs.
"We can come back and get your bag later," Jess whispers. "I just had to get away from whatever that was as soon as possible."
"Good idea," Sirius nods.
Jess leads him up a single flight of stairs and then down a narrow corridor before finally bringing him to one of the closed doors. They enter the room and Sirius grins as he realises it must be Jess' bedroom. The walls are painted a pale-green and there are hardwood floors that, when put with the walls, make the room look earthy. Plants are placed sporadically around the room, which Sirius would have expected because Herbology is Jess' favourite subject. There's a wooden bookshelf lining almost all of one wall, books are crowded on it, almost falling off in their attempt to fit on the shelves. There's a large double bed across the room, underneath a poster of the magical band Dark and Dangerous.
Sirius walks deeper into the room, feeling as Jess lingers behind him.
"Your room is so beautiful," he says, turning around to face the other boy. "It's exactly how I would have imagined it."
"Oh, so you've been imagining it?" Jess questions, raising an eyebrow. He steps forward and Sirius slowly starts walking backwards.
"Maybe," Sirius smirks.
"Cheeky," Jess comments. He places his hands on Sirius' hips and pulls him in for a kiss, their first of the day. Sirius sinks into the kiss quickly, enjoying the feeling of having another person so close to him. Jess' hands tighten on his hips before they are pushing him back. Sirius lets out a low shriek as he falls backwards, landing unceremoniously on the bed. He stares up at Jess with wide eyes and then quickly yanks Jess down by his t-shirt until he's on top of him.
Their lips meet and one of Jess' hands buries itself into Sirius' curls, whilst the other finds it's way back to his hip. Sirius keeps his own arms around Jess' shoulders, pulling them as close together as he can get them.
It's a while before they find themselves back downstairs, clothes straightened out and hair freshly combed.
Friday - 22nd August, 1975
Sirius has spent three days at the Bells' house. Three glorious days spent with Jess. Three days getting to know his mother, who is one of the most comforting people Sirius has ever met. Three days getting shot seething looks from David. Sirius tries his best not to refer to the man at all, sure he would hate it if Sirius actually started calling him David, but uncertain of what would happen if he called him by another name after having already been told to refer to him by his forename. So, instead, he avoids talking to the man altogether.
Jess' parents are going out tonight and won't be back until the following morning, which means the two of them will have the house to themselves. Sirius has been anticipating this night all week because, until tonight, he's been staying in a guest room, but Jess assured him that as soon as his parents were gone, Sirius would be sleeping in his bed with him.
The only times Sirius actually has to see Jess' father is at mealtimes, when they all gather around the dining table together, sharing little anecdotes about their day. Today, David isn't present at breakfast, June tells the boys he already left for work. It's the first unexpected part of their morning. The second comes once they've finished their breakfast, right around the time when Sirius starts helping June tidy the table, whilst Jess tries his best to stop him, insisting he's a guest and should be staying put in his seat.
There's a tapping at the window. At the sight of an owl hovering just outside, Jess stops attempting to take the plates from Sirius' hands and instead moves over to the window to open it. The owl lands on the windowsill and sticks out it's leg, offering Jess the letter tied to it. He swiftly unties it before thanking the bird, which flies off soon after.
"What is it?" June asks, stealing the plates from Sirius before he can stop her. She carries them through to the kitchen, so the boys follow her through.
"From Hogwarts, I think," Jess mumbles, staring down at the letter with confusion shining in his eyes.
Sirius gasps. "It might be your results!"
"Shit, yeah, how did I forget?" Jess exclaims, eyes widening.
"Language," June tuts as she flicks her wand towards the dirty dishes. The tap starts sprinkling water of it's own accord and a sponge bobs through the air towards the used plates. It reminds Sirius of one of the scenes out of Sleeping Beauty. He's never seen his parents use their magic like this before, nor anyone else's parents. Effie and Monty prefer to do it by hand, or let Mollie do it. Remus' parents do it the Muggle way, mainly because Hope is a Muggle.
"Well, what are you just standing there for? Open it," Sirius says excitedly, moving over to Jess' side.
"What if I failed an exam? I want to be a herbologist, but you need to be good at Potions for that and it's one of my worst subjects," Jess tells him, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.
"I'm sure you didn't fail, Jess," Sirius says, wrapping an arm around the other boy's waist and bringing him into his side. "You're ridiculously smart and you spent hours and hours studying. I already know that you've done great."
"But-"
"Nope, stop scaring yourself and just open the bloody letter," Sirius orders, pressing a brief kiss to Jess' cheek to soften his words.
"Fine," Jess sighs, ripping open the envelope and pulling out the letter. He holds it between them, silently telling Sirius that he doesn't mind him looking. June is standing across from them, watching their faces as if waiting for their reactions.
Jesse Bell - Fifth Year Examinations (Ordinary Wizarding Levels)
Pass Grades
Outstanding (O)
Exceeds Expectations (E)
Acceptable (A)
Fail Grades
Poor (P)
Dreadful (D)
Troll (T)
Results:
Ancient Runes E
Astronomy A
Charms O
Defence Against the Dark Arts E
Divination A
Herbology O
History of Magic P
Muggle Studies O
Potions E
Transfiguration E
"I knew you could pass Potions!" Sirius shouts before wrapping his arms around Jess from the side and pulling him closer to him. "You did amazing."
"I can't believe it," Jess breathes.
"You did well then, sweetie?" June asks, expression hopeful.
"Mostly," Jess replies, quietly passing his results over to his mother. Her eyes scan down the page and a slow smile spreads across her face. "Father isn't going to be happy that I failed History of Magic."
"It's not as if it really matters," Sirius says, pulling back a bit to look Jess in the eye. "You've dropped the subject now, haven't you?"
"Yes," Jess mumbles.
"You did wonderfully," June announces. "I'm going to go and put this with Anthony's." She bustles out of the room, leaving the two of them alone.
"Did you do better than Anthony at least?" Sirius questions.
"Well, he failed Divination, Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. Believe it or not, his best subject was History of Magic."
"See, you did better. You should be proud of yourself, they're great results," Sirius promises, standing up onto his tiptoes and pressing a slow kiss to Jess' lips.
June and David leave once dinner is over. Jess informs him that it's their anniversary and they usually take a portkey to their holiday home in Italy every year on this date.
The two boys spend the first couple of hours flying around in the back garden and Sirius is glad he remembered to bring his broom. Afterwards, they go to a Muggle shop to pick up some snacks and Sirius has to supress the laughter that threatens to bubble up out of him when Jess starts to struggle with the money at the till. The cashier waits patiently for him to figure it out and then wishes them a good evening on their way out.
During their journey back to the house, they pass a cinema and Sirius drags Jess inside. He remembers Jess telling him once that he's never watched a movie before, so he decides today will be the day he finally gets the chance to.
They settle on a musical called The Rocky Horror Picture Show, something that only came out last week, so Sirius hasn't seen it yet. Xeno was telling him about it back in July, apparently he's been waiting to watch it for months. Sirius can't quite remember what he said it was about, but he does recall Xeno telling him that it was one of the few Muggle movies with same-sex relationships in it, so Sirius has been curious about it for quite some time.
When they get inside the theatre, it's more empty than any movie viewing Sirius has ever seen. He wonders if it has something to do with the gay representation. He knows the world isn't ready to accept people like him, not yet anyway. Sometimes that upsets him, especially during the worse days when he already feels like an imposter. But most of the time, he feels bad for the world. He imagines there must be many queer people out there who have no idea, or who do and feel like they can't express themselves how they want to because they are afraid of being judged.
Sirius blames societal expectations - people are far too impressionable for their own good. He's never been one for rules, so the rules of society haven't ever seemed important to him. Sometimes he wonders if the world was an accepting place, would the entirety of the next generation be influenced by that particular society and be impassive about the things that people actually consider "disgraceful" or "abnormal".
As the first scene of the film begins, Sirius watches Jess' facial expression as it morphs from vaguely interested to astonished. He grins to himself, glad they found this place.
The movie is an interesting one, very unlike every other film Sirius has ever seen. He likes it when films are like that, unique, the ones that get the cogs turning in your brain and force you to keep paying attention so you don't miss any important details. It feels like a revolution, like something that is breaking the rules and demanding you watch it do so at the same time.
When it's over, they make their way out of the cinema and onto the dark street. It's almost eleven o'clock at night now, time they should be getting back. Jess starts rambling about how clever Muggles are for being able to invent such a thing, and then they get properly into the topic of the movie. As it turns out, Jess enjoyed it just as much as Sirius did.
It doesn't take them very long to get back to the house. They kick their shoes off and place them neatly beside the front door before hurrying up the stairs. Sirius grabs his pyjamas from the guest bedroom and gets changed before running through the house to Jess' room, where his boyfriend is already lying in bed, waiting for him. Sirius smiles when Jess pulls the covers back, gesturing for Sirius to join him. He rushes over and excitedly tucks himself underneath the quilt, and into Jess' arms.
"So, how does it feel?" Sirius asks, grinning.
"What?" Jess smiles.
"Having a hot boy in your bed. How does it feel?" He repeats, shuffling up enough in the bed so that they are lying face-to-face on one of the pillows.
"Somehow, even better than I imagined," Jess whispers, moving forward until their noses brush. "To be fair, I always pictured it would be Graham Osman from the Chudley Cannons I would be sharing a bed with, but this is preferable."
"Oh, is it now?"
"Mhm."
"It better be," Sirius mumbles, closing the gap between them as he connects their lips. Jess pushes back with a firmness that has Sirius' cells buzzing. He reaches up to wrap a hand around the back of Jess' neck, to better angle the other boy. Jess' hand, the one which had been wrapped around Sirius' middle, slowly moves down his ribcage and closer to his hip. The other is pressed up against Sirius' chest, right above where his heart is.
Pushing him gently down by his hip, Jess crawls on top of Sirius, leaving little room between them. He presses one more kiss to Sirius' lips before trailing a line of them down his jaw and then down the column of his throat. Sirius gasps at the sensation, keeping his hands in Jess' hair where they belong. Without putting much thought into the movement, he wraps his legs around Jess' thighs and attempts to pull him closer. The feeling that comes next is both something unexpected and something he craves to experience again. Jess pauses what he's doing and glances up at Sirius with hooded eyes, his pupils are dilated to at least double their usual size. His hair is messed up from where Sirius has been running his hands through it.
"Sirius," Jess whispers.
"Jess?"
Jess keeps looking at him like he isn't sure how to word what he wants to say. Sirius lightly scratches the other boy's scalp as if to tell him he can keep speaking.
"What you did a minute ago, did you mean to do it?"
"Not really," Sirius mumbles, feeling embarrassed.
"Did you not like it?" Jess asks.
Sirius' face must be beetroot red by now, it feels like it's on fire. "I did... Did you?"
"Of course, I did," Jess replies. "I was just... So, are you okay with it?"
"What, doing it again?" Sirius blinks, feeling himself blush again. Godric fucking Gryffindor, he needs to get a hold of himself.
"Only if you want to," the other boy mumbles, looking just as nervous as Sirius feels. "I mean, you don't- we don't have to, not unless you're ready. I know you're still not technically even sixteen for a couple of months and I don't want to be weird and just assume-"
"Jess," Sirius interrupts, reaching down to press one of his fingers to Jess' lips to quiet him. "I want to, but only if you're comfortable with it. There will be no difference between me now and me in a couple of months. So long as we start off slow, if that makes sense. I haven't ever... uhm..."
"It's okay, Sirius, we can start slow. And, just for the record... I have, but only once and I don't think I was ready back then," Jess admits, looking bashful as he does. "I was only fourteen and it was with a friend."
"Oh."
"So, starting off slow?" Jess prompts, kissing Sirius' finger, which still rests against his lips.
"Yes," Sirius says.
"Want to give it a try? We don't have to-"
"I know we don't have to," Sirius whispers, burying both hands back into Jess' hair and pulling him closer to him. "I want to." Their lips crash together and Sirius tightens the grip his legs have around the other boy. One of Jess' hands moves to the mattress beside Sirius' head so he can keep himself propped up, whilst the other wanders back down Sirius' side. It keeps travelling down until it's settled around the back of Sirius' thigh. He starts to move, using his grip on Sirius' leg to help position them both perfectly.
Sirius' mouth goes slack against Jess' as he experiences that feeling again. Catching this, Jess moves to kiss his jaw again, leaving Sirius to drop his head back against the pillow as his eyes roll backwards into his skull.
Monday - 25th August, 1975
When Sirius returns home the next Monday, he expects the knock he gets on his bedroom door less than half-an-hour later. (Xeno told him he would be coming around to see him as soon as he got back.) What he doesn't expect is to see Astro there, too. The last time Astro was at his house was Christmastime and it didn't end very well.
He thinks about inviting them both into his room, but then decides against it after once glance backwards; clothes are thrown about the place and his trunk is half-packed, things hanging precariously out of it. Instead, they go downstairs and head out through the front of the shop. Sirius waves goodbye to his dad before leaving and receives one back.
The three boys start wandering aimlessly around the village, not having come up with a plan of action beforehand.
"Astro hasn't seen Doyden castle yet," Xeno says once Sirius has asked where they're going. He turns to Astro. "It's been rented out all summer, but I think it's finally empty now, so we won't disturb anyone by having a look at the outside. It's quite small for a castle, but it's still really cool."
"Yeah, and it's on the side of a cliff," Sirius adds.
It's a long walk to Doyden, so they fill the time with games like 'I Spy' and 'The Alphabet Game'. When they grow bored with that, they start talking about what they've been doing over the summer. Sirius tells them about everything he got up to at Jess' - well, not everything, but almost everything.
Astro tells them that Alphard has been staying at his house for most of the summer. Sirius asks how he's feeling about all of that and Astro says he's finally adjusted to the change. Sirius can tell he's growing fond of Alphard, even if he doesn't actually admit it.
When they get to the castle, they admire it from the outside, not able to access the inside. It looks pathetic now that he's seen Hogwarts, but when he was little he used to beg his parents to bring him here so he could see it, believing it to be the coolest castle in the whole world.
They remain there for the rest of the afternoon and then head to Xeno's for dinner, where Viera informs them of the firework show that will be taking place later this evening on the beach.
"It's an end of summer celebration," she tells them.
"What time does it start?" Xeno asks, looking confused by his mother's words.
"Ten o'clock on the dot."
"We should go," Astro suggests with a grin as he glances at Xeno.
"I'll have to run it by my parents first, but I'm sure they won't mind so long as I don't go alone," Sirius says.
"Xeno?" Astro asks, nudging the other boy gently with his elbow.
Xeno blinks and shakes his head as he turns to look at Astro. "What? Oh, yeah. I don't mind if we go. Do you want to?"
"Yeah, I've never properly seen fireworks before," Astro says.
"Alright then," Xeno grins. When he looks back down at his plate, Sirius notices his expression drops again. Their eyes meet across the table and Sirius raises an eyebrow. Xeno mouths the word later, so Sirius drops the matter for now.
After dinner, they spend the next couple of hours in Xeno's room, mainly speaking about what they think will happen next year. Sirius is sitting on the floor in front of the bed, where Xeno and Astro are perched. Xeno is braiding Sirius' hair, putting it into two French plaits.
"I think next year will be a good year," Astro says from somewhere behind Sirius.
"That's very optimistic of you, Ast," Xeno muses as he finishes off one of Sirius' plaits and begins getting started on the next one.
"Hm, I know. It's just a feeling I've got - this year is going to be the last good year. After fifth year, we have our N.E.W.Ts and then we'll be leaving Hogwarts and going into the real world."
"Don't remind me," Sirius wails dramatically. "I can't believe how old we're all getting. I'm going to be sixteen in a couple of months."
"I only just turned fifteen a few days ago," Astro notes.
"You must be the youngest in the year," Sirius snorts.
"No, Regulus Black is the youngest, I think," Xeno says. Silence follows his words and Sirius feels as Xeno's hands freeze in his hair. They haven't spoken about Regulus Black - not that they would anyway - because that would only remind Astro that the boy is his cousin, and Sirius isn't sure how he's feeling about that yet.
He clears his throat, hoping to get rid of the tenseness that has grown thickly in the room. "When's his birthday?"
"Today, actually," Xeno says quietly.
Another minute of silence.
"Alright, I'm just going to say it because you're both thinking it. I can't believe he's my cousin," Astro groans and falls backwards on the bed. Xeno finishes Sirius' second and final plait and lets him go. Sirius turns around and joins them on the bed.
"You poor sod," he says, grimacing. "Out of everyone in the world and you had to be related to him."
"It could be worse," Xeno voices, trying for a cheerful tone but failing miserably. "You could be a Carrow."
"Oh my god, don't," Astro snorts. "Sure, the Carrow twins would be worse cousins than Regulus, but I think that I would rather be a Carrow than a Black. If the Blacks knew I existed, they would have disowned me anyway, or killed me. I heard they do that to squibs in their family."
"They wouldn't have!" Xeno argues.
"They do what to squibs?" Sirius shouts.
"They would have and you know it, Xeno. They won't take anything less than a Pureblood, someone worthy of being the heir to their oh so noble house," Astro rolls his eyes. "Unluckily for them, that includes squibs. Alphard told me that the few squibs that have appeared in their family tree in the past all mysteriously disappeared." He raises his eyebrow.
"That is wrong on so many levels," Sirius murmurs, frowning.
"I don't like this conversation," Xeno mumbles, dropping his eyes to the bed.
Astro frowns and sits up, his eyes never leaving the other boy. "They didn't get me and they won't. Alphard won't let them, you know that."
"Yes," Xeno says, tilting his head up again. However, he doesn't look at Astro, his eyes land on Sirius. "I know they won't get you."
Before they leave to go and see the fireworks, Astro quickly pops off to the toilet, leaving Sirius and Xeno alone. Sirius takes this as his opportunity to finally ask Xeno what was going on at dinner.
"Tonight is... weird," Xeno tells him.
"What do you mean weird? It's been fine," Sirius replies, puzzled.
"No, I mean it's weird. It's different. I can't see what's going to happen like I normally can. Something's fogging it up," Xeno frowns as he attempts to explain himself.
"Do you think it's something bad?"
"I really don't know," Xeno responds, panic clear in his voice. His expression only grows more worried when Astro returns. They don't speak anymore on the subject, probably because Xeno doesn't want to worry Astro, who already has enough on his plate nowadays.
It's dark when they start making their way down to the beach. Sirius called his parents earlier to check if he could stay out to watch the fireworks, and they were alright with it so long as he got walked home.
They reach the beach a few minutes before the fireworks are set to start. Sirius makes sure Xeno and Astro are standing beside each other, knowing it would make Xeno happy. There are other people crowded near where the fireworks are going to shoot off from, so they walk a little ways away, not wanting to be too close to the lift-off point and also wanting some space of their own.
Sirius takes a couple of steps to the side, wanting to give Xeno and Astro some time alone. He's been stuck to their side all day and can't help but feel a bit like an intruder, even if they had been the ones to come and retrieve him earlier. The other two boys keep slowly wandering forward, apparently not having noticed that Sirius has stopped. He can hear them whispering between themselves, but he can't hear what they're saying.
A countdown is yelled from the crowd down the beach. After 'one' is yelled, sharp whooshing sounds fill his ears, and soon the sky is full of colourful light. They remind him a bit of stars, explosive ones. He can't help but admire them. His mind jumps back to the end of third year when the Slytherins played that prank on his dormitory, turning everything upside down. He and the boys ended up having to use Gideon and Fabian's levitation spell on each other just so they could get over to the window to release their planned end-of-year fireworks. The sky had lit up with sparkly lions, glimmering and twinkling, upside down but still beautiful.
When he looks over to the boys only a couple of feet in front of him, he notices Astro reaching out to take Xeno's hand. Xeno, completely caught off guard, turns to look down at the other boy, his eyes wide with shock. Sirius can see the anxiety on Astro's face and all he can think is Do it, do it, do it.
He must hear him because in the next second, Astro is rising onto his tiptoes and moving forward. Xeno's eyes grow even larger as he realises what is going on right before it happens. Astro softly connects their lips, hand still gripping Xeno's, whilst the other finds it's way to the other boy's cheek.
Smiling, Xeno kisses him back just as enthusiastically.
Sirius grins to himself and turns to look back up at the stars, yearning for someone to be by his side. He is surprised when he realises who he wishes it would be, completely having expected someone else.
***
Thursday - 28th August, 1975
Regulus
This has been the longest summer of Regulus' entire life. He hasn't spoken to Narcissa, not since the confrontation they had in Orion's office. He's been trying to distract himself from the obvious drift between himself and his favourite cousin, not wanting to think about it. He's hardly a part of the war yet and it's already ruining his life.
Evan has been visiting him twice a week, and on his birthday Scarlett was permitted to come over. So, he hasn't been entirely alone. Barty has been at Dorcas' since last week and is staying with her until they return to Hogwarts, and Evan has been updating Regulus on how Pandora has been doing, so he no longer needs to worry about them. He still does though; he always will, he thinks.
Regulus was delivered something completely unexpected a few weeks ago - two things actually. Not only has he been named a Prefect this year, but he has also been given the position of Quidditch Captain, which was something he didn't see coming. He assumed Evan would get the spot because he is more crazed about Quidditch than Regulus is. However, when he told Evan this, Evan reassured him by saying he would have made a terrible Captain because he's not very good at speaking to a group of people. Regulus assumes Slughorn had something to do with picking him out, he always has regarded Regulus as one of his favourite students.
Thanks to the notebooks, Regulus found out that James was named the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain this year. Regulus can't help but laugh at the irony - the two rival houses' Captains are dating. He's sure Salazar and Godric are rolling in their graves.
The first person he wanted to tell when he found out was Narcissa - she had also been made the Slytherin Quidditch Captain once upon a time - but then he remembered that they aren't talking. Or, at least, he had been under the impression that they weren't talking.
He's sitting on the window seat in his bedroom, knees bent up to his chest with a book resting on them, something Dorcas sent him called Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. His door opens and he expects Kreacher to come toddling through into the room, even though the house-elf usually apparates rather than using the door. However, shockingly, it's his mother who crosses the threshold into Regulus' bedroom. He swiftly tucks his Muggle book between his hip and the window, hoping his mother didn't already notice it.
Her eyes are blank as she surveys the room, examining every corner as if she's expecting to find something worth punishing him over. Luckily for him, she finds no such thing. Unluckily for him, this means she settles her attention onto him, silver eyes sharp like knives as they cut into his own.
"Regulus, it has come to my attention that you have not yet invited your cousin Narcissa over to take you shopping for your school things. What is the meaning for this?" Walburga's voice is as chilly as her eyes, nothing maternal lingering beneath it, nothing warm.
"I was under the impression Narcissa would be too busy with Nico, so I thought Kreacher could run this errand," he answers innocently. The distance Narcissa and Regulus have created between them must be painfully obvious if even his mother has picked up on it. He shouldn't be surprised really, she always has known everything that has happened under the roof of this house. (Well, almost everything, Regulus thinks as his mind wanders to his midnight escapades to the museum and his notebook.)
"You were wrong," Walburga states simply. With a brief wave of her hand, she announces, "Narcissa is on her way now to take you, so you ought to start getting ready. I imagine she shall arrive at any moment."
Knowing no other answer will get him anywhere, Regulus says, "Yes, mother," whilst dread begins to bubble in his stomach.
As his mother turns to leave his room, Regulus drops his head back against the wall and allows his eyes to drift shut. His mother's footsteps descend down the corridor, and only when he can no longer hear them does he finally get up.
He arrives in the sitting room a few minutes later, wearing robes informal enough for Diagon Alley, but formal enough to please his mother. Narcissa is standing by the fireplace when he enters the room, she's speaking with Walburga in hushed tones. Regulus wonders what they could be talking about; it must have something to do with this Dark Lord guy, otherwise they wouldn't be whispering.
Narcissa's eyes spring to him and then speedily back to his mother and their conversation ends there. Walburga turns and eyes Regulus' outfit before nodding and making her way out of the room, leaving the two cousins alone. Regulus watches his mother go, oddly wishing she would stay for the first time perhaps ever. He isn't prepared for the awkward silence that suddenly fills the room at her absence. His eyes jump over to Narcissa, who is staring at him with a guarded expression that makes Regulus' skin crawl. Normally, he can read her so well, but now... Now she reminds him of his mother. It's something that pains him to admit to himself.
Narcissa tuts. "I wish you wouldn't look at me like that."
"Like what?" Regulus retorts in a tone his mother would consider bratty, but he believes is justified.
"Like you no longer trust me," Narcissa says quietly, her eyes dropping to the floor. Regulus doesn't expect the hurt that crosses her face and it makes him look closer. He notices large, black circles running beneath her eyes. She's paler than usual, which is saying a lot, considering she's a Black and their skin is practically translucent. His growth spurt over the summer has made him over half a foot taller than her, which is an odd shift in their dynamic. So much is changing this summer and he isn't sure he's going to get used to it any time soon. He hates change.
Regulus takes a few steps forward until he's standing in front of the fireplace. He buries his hand into the basin of Floo powder and takes a handful of it before stepping into the fireplace. He waits for Narcissa to do the same and, before they whizz of to Diagon Alley, he turns to her and says in a monotonic voice, "I don't trust anyone, Cissa," before dropping the Floo powder into the logs beneath them and calling out, "Diagon Alley."
It's a lie. He trusts James and he trusts his friends. He used to trust Narcissa more than he trusted anyone else in the entire world, but now he knows which team she's routing for, he isn't sure he can anymore. It's a scary thought because she holds so many of his secrets, ones that could and would destroy him were they to get out. The part of him that grew up idolising her knows she would never reveal any of them, like how he is "friends" with James Potter. He had almost forgotten that Narcissa knew about that. He can't imagine her divulging that secret of his, not whilst knowing what his mother would do to him if she did. So maybe he does still trust her in some senses, but in others- well, let's just say he won't be confiding in her anymore. For all he knows, this Dark Lord person might be a natural legilimens and Narcissa has never been very good at occlumency, which makes her a liability.
What he does know is that he doesn't want to make Narcissa an enemy. He would like to keep her as much on his side as he can, not only because it would advantage him in the long-term, but also because he loves her. She's always been like an older sister to him, and no matter what she does, he knows that will never change. No matter what she believes, no matter who she follows, no matter which side she fights on in the war, he will always love her just the same.
They appear in the fireplace at the Leaky Cauldron and hurry out of it, not wanting to be in the way in case someone else comes through this network, too. Regulus leads the way, already knowing exactly where he needs to go and what he needs to get. Perhaps he left it a bit late - he is going back to Hogwarts in three days - it just hasn't really been the first thing on his mind. These days, nothing as simple as a book-list ever is.
He can't wait to return to Hogwarts. Not only is it three days until he will be free of his mother, but it's three days until he gets to see James again. Even though they've been frequently corresponding, Regulus misses him exorbitantly.
Narcissa makes a small huffing noise from behind him, so he slows down, knowing it wouldn't do him any good in the long-run if he lost her in the crowd. His mother wouldn't be very happy to discover he'd wandered off alone and then lost his cousin.
They manage to purchase his books and school equipment in silence, but not without that newfound awkwardness that always seems to be lingering between them nowadays. It's when they make it to Madam Malkin's to purchase Regulus' fifth-year uniform that Narcissa finally decides to attempt speaking to him again. Regulus is standing on a step in front of a mirror as Madam Malkin works around him, asking him to lift his arms every now and then. She gets awfully close as she measures him and waves her wand to alter the robes, but Regulus knows she's just doing her job, so he tries to endure it.
"Regulus, how is Scarlett doing? I heard she visited you for your birthday. I assume the courting is still going well," Narcissa says from where she's sitting on a pouffe to the side.
Regulus sighs. "Scarlett is fine. The courting is going just as mother has planned it. Why do you ask?" He adds in a bitter tone.
Narcissa frowns. "I thought it would be a simple subject matter, but I see I must have been mistaken."
"Yes, well, it happens to us all from time to time. If you think it is such a simple matter, then allow me to give it a try. How is Lucius doing these days?" He watches as Narcissa's eyes narrow, so he mirrors her expression. "Is he still hanging around with all those bad influences?"
Narcissa shoots up from her seat in a very undignified manner, it's the quickest he thinks he has ever seen her move. She waves Madam Malkin away and the woman shuffles off into a back room, muttering something under her breath as she goes.
Regulus stares down at Narcissa blankly as she gains on him. She wraps her hand around the crook of his elbow and drags him off the step, making him stumble.
"Excuse you," he snaps.
"What on earth do you think you're doing, Regulus Arcturus?" She hisses under her breath, eyes blazing with anger.
Regulus shrugs. "Making a point, trying to piss you off, rebelling. Take your pick, dear cousin, I'm sure one of them will meet your satisfaction."
"This isn't a game, Regulus," Narcissa growls, dropping his arm and sending a speedy glance around the shop. There's no one else around, no one else shops for robes this late into the summer. "Is this how things will be between us from now on? You blaming me for my husband's actions? You treating me how you only wish you could treat your mother? I wish you wouldn't, but if you feel you must, I will ask you to save it until we are behind closed doors. You must remember that everything you say only falls back onto Nico, too. You are acting recklessly and, quite frankly, you are acting like a child."
Regulus' gaze drops to the floor as he takes in her words. She's right, he knows she is. All he is doing right now is risking Nico's future. The Malfoys' status in Wizarding society is so great anyway that even if Lucius was caught speaking with this Dark Lord, he would probably get away with it.
Regulus hates to admit when he's wrong, so instead of doing so, he looks up at Narcissa and says, "Fine, I'll leave it alone." He climbs back onto the step and, before Narcissa can call Madam Malkin back, he whispers, "I'm sorry."
Narcissa turns to him, her expression softening. "I forgive you."
Monday - 1st September, 1975
It's an extremely difficult task, hiding his excitement from his mother as they arrive on platform 9 3/4 for the first time in three months. Regulus is buzzing with anticipation, both nervous and excited to see James again, thrilled to reunite with Barty and Dorcas, and anxious to see Pandora for himself to make sure she's definitely alright after the restrictive summer she had.
He was writing to James last night, but he hasn't heard from him this morning, so he expects he was busy packing last-minute. That seems like something James would do. Regulus doesn't understand how people can live like that, surely the anxiety to be ready on time would just eat them alive?
As soon as his mother allows him to head off towards the train, Regulus lets a grin spread across his face. He doesn't let himself run to the train, knowing Walburga might still be watching him. However, as soon as he's boarded it, he runs through the aisle of the train until he finds an empty compartment. He told James last night that he would be waiting in one for him - he would be in the compartment with the closed blind. Hopefully, there won't be multiple, otherwise James might be in for a few surprises.
Regulus keeps peeking out the window at the platform, hoping to see a horrifically messy head of curls. Unfortunately, he doesn't, so he just waits patiently for James to show up. The train begins to roll out of the station before James finds him and Regulus starts to grow nervous that James might have gotten caught up reuniting with his friends.
The door to the compartment slides open just enough for someone to poke their head inside, and someone does.
Regulus grins and hops up off his seat, dragging James in by his collar before closing the door and spelling it shut, not wanting anyone to find them in the position he's about to have them both in. He slams James against the closed door, similarly to how he did the previous year. Only, last year he did this because James had surprised him; so Regulus, naturally, held him at wand-point. However, this year Regulus pins him to the door and simultaneously pulls James' head closer to him, pulling him in for a much-needed kiss.
"Well, bonjour, monsieur," James mumbles into his mouth.
"You must work on your pronunciation if you're going to start speaking French to me, James," Regulus says as he pulls back slightly. Their noses brush and Regulus smiles at the way James' glasses dig slightly into the bridge of his own nose. You would think that would make the whole kissing business uncomfortable, but in reality Regulus quite likes it. The glasses are a small reminder of who he is kissing.
"I don't think I'm patient enough to speak French," James chuckles. "I was hardly patient enough to learn my own language."
"Your own... you mean English?" Regulus frowns.
"No, I'm half-Spanish."
"How did I not know this?"
"I don't know, I guess I just never told you," James says. He leans down until his mouth is hovering over Regulus' ear and whispers, "I know a little bit of Spanish, querido."
Regulus' eyes flutter shut. "What does that mean?" He is surprised to find that his voice sounds strangled. How embarrassing.
James laughs softly, his breath hot against the side of Regulus' face. "What, querido? It means darling... cherished... precious."
"Say something else in Spanish," Regulus croaks out, hands wandering into James' hair.
James moves closer until his mouth hits the shell of Regulus' ear. "Estoy loco por ti, luz de las estrellas."
"Fuck, why is that so..." Regulus' eyes slowly open, meeting James', which dazzle like two golden suns.
"So...?" James questions, smirking. He knows exactly what he's doing, the idiot. Oh, Regulus hates him. He hates him so much, he wants to grab him and push him against the wall and-
"You're an idiot," he settles on. For some reason, this makes James grin.
"I've missed you so much," James whispers, moving in to knock their foreheads together. His arms are wrapped around Regulus' waist, keeping him locked close. His expression turns slightly serious as he asks, "How was your summer?"
"Surprisingly okay," Regulus says. Then, knowing James will need some clarification, "No new scars, just a couple of bruises that are long since healed."
James stiffens in his arms. Regulus knows how much James hates it when his mother hurts him, no matter how small the punishment is. Regulus is certain that if Walburga were to cause a paper cut on Regulus' skin, James would still go ballistic.
"I'm alright, James," he promises the other boy, knocking their noses together gently. "How was your summer?"
"Terribly empty of you," James answers. "If we didn't have the notebooks, I actually think I would have gone out of my mind."
"Oh dear, we've already got co-dependency issues," Regulus snorts.
"I'm taking that 'we' to mean you missed me, too," James beams.
Instead of answering that, Regulus leans forward and kisses him again. James has also grown taller over the summer and Regulus sort of loathes him for it. He was hoping that maybe they would almost be the same height now, and they would have been had James not shot up like one of those Muggle rockets on its way to Mars. Instead, Regulus still has to stand on his tiptoes just to reach his boyfriend's lips.
When he finally makes it to the compartment with his friends in - after having spent the better half of an hour snogging James and then trying to cover up the fact that he had been snogging anyone at all - they all jump up to greet him, except for Scarlett, of course, who remains seated with a knowing grin like she knows exactly what he's been off doing. Evan seems clueless, even though he knows about James, and Barty just looks thrilled to see him. Dorcas goes to hug him, but then hesitates until Regulus nods. She throws herself at him and he is shocked to discover he is taller than her. When Barty stands, Regulus is tempted to cheer because, for the first time in their four-year-long friendship, Regulus is taller than the other boy. Evan, of course, still towers over the rest of the group.
When Pandora makes it over to him, Regulus pulls her into a tight embrace and refuses to let go until he gets uncomfortable. He's missed her so much, especially since he couldn't share any letters with her this summer and had to rely on Evan to pass messages. Pandora, just like Regulus, has shot up over the last few months, too, and now reaches Barty's height, making them both the shortest of the group.
He sits between Pandora and Scarlett, feeling a bit overstimulated by all of the physical contact. He doesn't regret any of it, having missed his friends, but it's still all very overwhelming.
"Don't get too comfortable, we need to get going in a couple of minutes," Scarlett says, drawing his attention away from his own daydreaming.
"What? Go where?" He frowns.
"The Prefect's carriage," Scarlett responds slowly. "You do remember that you are a Prefect, right?"
"Oh, yeah," Regulus says, glancing down at his new badge, the one that sits next to his Quidditch Captain badge.
They leave not too long later and when they arrive at the Prefect's carriage, they find a few familiar faces amongst the unidentifiable ones. The Prefects from their year are: Kingsley Shacklebolt and Isadora Lincoln (Ravenclaws), Bradley Harvetz and Emmeline Vance (Hufflepuffs), Remus Lupin and Lily Evans (Gryffindors), and then himself and Scarlett.
The only empty spaces are the two seats beside Remus and Evans, so they make their way over. Regulus notices two students at the front of the carriage, they must be the new Head Boy and Head Girl for the year. Regulus doesn't recognise the girl, but he does think he's seen the boy around - he's a Gryffindor, something Wood, he thinks.
Regulus ends up sitting beside Evans, who sends him a kind smile before turning back to the front of the room. The meeting is painfully boring, so Regulus tunes most of it out. He only listens when they start talking about the patrol schedule. Regulus finds out he'll be sent his during the welcome back feast. He hopes he doesn't have any patrols tonight. He doesn't want to miss any minutes he could be spending in the tower with James.
When they are dismissed, Regulus practically jumps to his feet, wanting to get back to the compartment with his friends in and away from Lily Evans as soon as possible. However, his plan is ruined when there's a light tap on the back of his shoulder. He flinches and turns around, only to find Evans watching him expectantly.
"May I help you?" He asks, maybe a bit rudely.
"I just wanted to thank you again for getting Pandora's letter to me in the summer. You have no idea how worried I was about her when I wasn't getting a response."
"You're welcome," Regulus replies bluntly, turning around, fully prepared to follow Scarlett out of the compartment. Evans clears her throat, making Regulus roll his eyes and turn around again. He notices Remus watching them curiously this time and Regulus becomes suddenly aware that Remus knows about his friendship with James, just as Evans does. Maybe he should be nicer to her. He doesn't want James to be mad at him on their first night back after three months apart.
"I assume you've seen her. How is she doing?" Evans asks, picking at her cuticles as she does. Regulus frowns as he realises how nervous she looks.
"She's fine. She's Pandora," he says with a shrug. When Evans continues to watch him with big, vulnerable eyes, he sighs. "Would you like to come back with me to see her?"
"Oh, if you wouldn't mind, that would be lovely," Lily grins.
"Great," Regulus replies with false-cheer in his voice. He turns around and starts yelling obscenities in his head, wondering where he could have gone wrong in life now that he's willingly bringing Lily bloody Evans to his compartment with his friends. He knows she won't leave either, she'll end up staying for the rest of the journey. And yet, he still guides the way. Anything for Pandora and James, he supposes.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
bonjour, monsieur = hello, mister (French)
querido = darling (Spanish)
Estoy loco por ti, luz de las estrellas = I'm crazy about you, starlight (Spanish)MENTIONS:
- I would just like to apologise to Bradley for killing off his dad. I haven't really mentioned him since first year and now I bring him back just to make his depressed... whoops.
- Sirius met Jess' parents! His mother is great, his father not so much 😬
- Jess and Sirius are getting very serious ;) It's a shame they'll have to break up sometime soon 👀
- I love writing the little Sirius, Xeno and Astro trio in Cornwall - they're such cuties :(
- XENO AND ASTRO!!!!!! I love them, your honour. Oh, I am so excited about this relationship, you have no idea. They're my adorable, little Ravenclaw guys <3
- Regulus is also the Quidditch Captain! I love the idea of Jegulus being rivals on the Quidditch pitch, but as soon as they're alone, they just jump on each other.
- The change in dynamic between Regulus and Narcissa actually makes me want to cry..
- I love sassy Regulus <3
- Jegulus reunion <3 Pandora and Regulus reunion <3 Regulus actually being kind of tall for once <3
- I will never not find Regulus' dislike for Lily funny because she's so sweet to him, meanwhile he's just cursing her out in his head. This will eventually change, it'll just take a while.
- We're finally on fifth year! I'm so excited for this year, you have no idea. Fifth and seventh year are definitely going to be favourites of mine.This chapter was a bit late because I've spent the majority of the week revising for my exams, which are next week. Because of this, I won't be updating this fic again until Christmas Eve. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Thank you so much for your support on the last one! See you in a couple of weeks <3
Chapter 58: Fifth Year: Silver Dragons and Magical Rooms
Summary:
Remus and Regulus have Prefect rounds. James holds his first Quidditch try-outs as Captain. Regulus shows James one of his secrets.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of a burn/injury (caused by silver)
-references to injuries (mentioned during a healing class)MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS, GUYS!!! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A lot of people will look at you
but only a few will see you.
~ c. c. aurel
Tuesday - 2nd September, 1975
Remus
Their first day back is a Tuesday, which means they only have to deal with four days worth of lessons this week. Before they head off for breakfast, Remus is stopped by James, who hands him back his Prefect pin. Remus stares at it warily before James assures him he already got Sirius to transfigure it into tin, so he won't have to worry about the silver causing him anymore issues.
Remus thanks him and then glances over James' shoulder at where Sirius is currently lounging on his bed with his shirt undone. Remus is certain he's doing it just to torture him. His face turns red as he looks back at James.
"You're in my Herbology class this year, right?" Remus asks as he puts on his pin.
"Yeah, I think we're all in the same Herbology, except for Frank," James replies. He's trying to put his tie on, but keeps accidentally making the bottom half of the tie longer than the top.
"I can't believe that's our first class back," Remus huffs, dropping his arms to his sides once he's finished with his pin. "Sprout will probably have us covered in dirt by the time the first half of the lesson has passed."
"Luckily for me, I have a free second period," James grins as he finally gets his tie on right. "Come on, we'll be late if we don't get to breakfast soon."
The boys move around each other as they gather their things for the day. Sirius jumps up from his bed and finishes getting dressed, whilst Frank is half-buried in his trunk, moaning about how he can't find his Muggle Studies textbook.
"You can borrow mine," Peter tells him as they start hurrying out the door. Frank thanks him before slinging his bag over his shoulder and following Peter and James out. Remus chucks a chocolate frog into his bag and rushes over to the door, almost bumping into Sirius on the way out, who looks back at him with an apologetic smile and says, "Sorry, Moony," before running down the stairs, making butterflies flutter in Remus' stomach.
This is going to be a long year.
After breakfast, six of the fifth-year Gryffindors start making their way down towards the greenhouses. Remus sticks by James' side the whole way there, hoping to avoid making anymore contact with Sirius after this morning's clash in the doorway. He had been hoping that after almost an entire summer apart, his crush on his friend would have died out. Unfortunately, he had been wrong. If anything, the months apart have only made his feelings grow. Now, whenever he sees Sirius, he just wants to pull him into his arms and refuse to let him go.
Very inappropriate thoughts to have about his best friend, he knows.
Just as she has at the beginning of each previous school year, Sprout divides them into groups of three. James is placed with Dorcas and Regulus, and Remus watches as the two boys pretend to ignore each other. His amusement flares when Regulus sends a sour look James' way, just for the Gryffindor boy to turn around and grin at him. Dorcas looks so confused, bless her.
Sirius and Marlene are grouped together with Florence, and Peter ends up with Benji and Kirley. Remus doesn't mind his own group as he gets placed with Mary and Pandora. Sprout is usually good at forming groups that won't cause any problems throughout the year.
As it is only the first lesson back, they don't get around to any practical work. Sprout runs them through the plan for the following year, announcing that they will be moving onto Gillyweed and it's uses in the next lesson. Remus has no idea what Gillyweed is, but if it's as disgusting as it sounds, he's certain he won't enjoy that lesson.
Next, he has Ancient Runes with Sirius, who insists they walk to class together. When they arrive, however, Remus sits down in the empty seat beside Lily and Sirius takes the one beside Marlene. Remus hopes he isn't being obvious with his avoidance. He doesn't want to hurt Sirius, he just wants to get over him. It's difficult when the boy is sitting right next to him looking as pretty as he does.
The lesson drags on for what feels like hours, but is really only one. Lily keeps him entertained, telling him all about her summer spent with Petunia and her new boyfriend Vernon. Apparently, he was around their house almost every day and whenever Lily asked if one of her friends could visit, her mum would tell her no because they didn't have enough room with Petunia's boyfriend being there, too.
"Do you think you'll stay at school for Christmas?"
"Probably," Lily sighs. "I used to hate leaving home for months on end, but now I always dread going back. I'm pretty sure Pandora is staying for Christmas, so I think I will too. Are you going home for Christmas?"
"I think so. The moon is before the holidays this year and I know my mam likes me to come home for Christmas when I can," Remus explains. "Sorry, I don't mean to leave you alone-"
"Oh, no," Lily waves her hand through the air with a pfft. "Don't worry about that. Besides, I think Azalia will end up staying and, like I said, I'll have Pandora."
"Speaking of, I got grouped with her and Mary in Herbology."
"Pandora loves Herbology, so you're lucky. She'll keep your grade up if it's the last thing she does," Lily laughs softly. "I hope I get put in a good group. This year is so important, I don't think I could take it if I end up with someone like Mulciber."
"Who knows? Maybe instead of dumbing you down, you would bring his grade up." Remus smiles as Lily rolls her eyes and gently swats him on the arm.
"Yeah, right. That would be like trying to teach the alphabet to a sloth."
"You might have a point there."
They have break next and then Remus heads off to his first Defence lesson of the year. He wonders if there will be a new professor, just as there has been every other year. He waits outside the classroom with Peter, Lily and Mary until the door finally opens. When it does, they discover that, just as predicted, there is a new professor.
In a tone that is the complete antithesis of the one Professor Pritchett always used to use, the young man in front of them politely asks them to wait at the back of the classroom until the rest of the students arrive. Remus watches as he walks over to the closest row of desks before jumping up onto one of them and sitting down on the table.
Definitely nothing like Pritchett then.
The man is dressed in what looks to be a Muggle suit, minus the blazer, and his tie is one of the funkiest Remus has ever seen. It's bright blue and has orange, yellow and green swirls decorating it. The orange in the tie matches with the man's auburn hair and beard. His face is speckled with ginger freckles, which make him look younger than Remus thinks he actually is. He looks as if he could get away with being one of the seventh-year students. He smiles at a few students as they file in, eyes crinkling at the corners as he does so.
Once all of the students are standing at the back of the room, the new professor hops off the desk and beams at them all. He's tall, but still falls shorter than Remus.
"Hello, everyone, it is a pleasure to meet you all. My name is Professor Vaughn, but if that's too formal for you, as it is for me, then you can call me Oliver." He is met with mostly silence, the only noise coming from a couple of Hufflepuff girls who are giggling.
Professor Vaughn - or Oliver, Remus hasn't decided what he'll call him yet - flicks open the folded sheet of paper in his hand. "I've got a seating plan here, but not because I don't trust you guys to get the work done. I think it's times like these where we have the opportunity to become friends with people we may not have considered in the past."
Remus almost rolls his eyes. The amount of times he's heard that from teachers in his Muggle primary school. It never works either. Teachers think they can place random students next to each other and expect them to become the best of friends, when most of the time it ends in a fight or uncomfortable silence for the rest of the year.
"If you don't catch your name, ask me at the end and I can direct you to the right seat. Alright, at the front of the classroom on the left, we'll have Peter and Olivia..."
Peter groans as he drags himself away from the wall, sending a sad look Remus' way as he goes.
"Astro and Dorcas... Nicholas, sorry lad, you'll have to be on your own as we've got an odd number... Gwen and Callum... Regulus and Remus..."
Remus visibly startles at that. At first, he isn't sure how he feels about this arrangement, but when he looks across the room at a panicked Regulus, he realises he might actually be able to have some fun with this. It'll give him a chance to get to know the person who James claims is one of his best friends. The Regulus he heard about over the summer who sounds nothing like the Regulus Black that marches down the castle's corridors with his chin held up high like he's better than the rest of the world.
He makes his way over to his designated seat and grins when he realises Dorcas and Astro are in front. This seems to please Regulus, too, as his miserable expression changes into something a bit more hopeful. Remus' smiles drops, however, when Snape is placed at the table beside his, leaving only a small gap between their desks.
"Alecto and Gasper... Pandora and Violetta..." (They end up behind Remus and Regulus, which seems like a fair outcome to both of them.) "Lily and Florence..."
Remus turns in his seat and finds Lily sitting diagonally behind him. She smiles, obviously happy about where she's been placed, and then turns to tap Snape on the shoulder, who is sitting at the desk in front of her, falling into conversation with the boy.
Coincidentally, Mary is put next to Emmeline. They are both still going strong and have been ever since February. Remus hasn't heard very much about their relationship from Mary, but he's been filled in enough by Lily and Alice to know they're starting to get serious.
The lesson consists of Oliver (Remus has decided to give calling a professor by their first name a shot, certain he won't get another chance again) talking about the syllabus for the year. Remus notices that on the professor's desk there is a pile of Muggle books, all with bookmarks halfway through like he is enjoying them all at once. There's a cup of tea on his desk that he goes back to sporadically throughout the lesson.
Much to his surprise, Regulus speaks up first. Remus isn't expecting it, busy writing down notes that sum up what Oliver has scribbled down on the chalkboard.
"Have you checked your Prefect schedule yet, Lupin?" Regulus asks amicably. When Remus turns to look at him, he finds the boy staring down at his own parchment, still writing notes down.
"Yes. We have rounds tonight, don't we?"
"We do," Regulus nods, finishing off his sentence. He looks at Remus, expression blank other than the small twitch of his eyebrow. "I just wanted to clarify whether we would be meeting in the dungeons or would you like it if I met you outside Gryffindor Tower?"
Remus blinks, shocked that Regulus cares about his opinion at all. Remus had just assumed they would be meeting outside the dungeons. He doesn't mind because his legs don't hurt at the moment, as the moon is still a few weeks away.
"It depends, I suppose," Remus shrugs. "Would you prefer to start on the ground floor and work our way up, or start on the seventh floor and end up on the ground floor?"
After a moment of contemplation, Regulus settles on, "Let's start on the seventh floor. I'll meet you outside your common room at eight."
"Alright. I'll let James know when we've finished, if you'd like," Remus adds in a whisper, not able to help himself. With a look of innocence on his face, he slowly turns his head and meets Regulus' wide, grey eyes.
Regulus blinks a few times, shuffles in his seat, and then swallows before finally saying, "Okay," in the quietest voice Remus has ever heard the boy use.
They don't speak again, not until the end of the lesson when Remus says goodbye, feeling it would be more awkward if he just up and left. Regulus, who is still sitting in his seat as he neatly packs his bag away, stares up at him with bepuzzlement clear in his features. But, amongst his confusion and shock, he still manages a short, "See you at eight."
At ten-to-eight that evening, Remus makes his way down from the dormitory into the common room to wait for Regulus there. James follows him, of course, and Remus is half certain he's going to ask to walk him out of the common room, too. They sit down at one of the study tables at the back of the common room. Remus' eyes land on the couch near the fireplace where Sirius and Jess are cuddled up together. Unable to supress it, he scoffs.
"Still stuck up on him then?" James questions in a hushed tone.
"Apparently," Remus grumbles, flicking off an invisible piece of lint from his trousers.
"What about him is it that you like?"
Remus groans and drops his head into his hands. His voice is muffled as he moans, "Why did I even tell you?"
"You were drunk," comes James' response. Remus looks up at him with cautious eyes, hoping James isn't about to bring up the other strange thing that happened that night. Apparently catching this, James clears his throat and directs his gaze back over to where Sirius and Jess are now falling over each other with laughter. Envy twists sickeningly in Remus' stomach. "You know, there was a time when I thought Sirius might..."
"Might what?" Remus asks, not particularly interested in hearing about Sirius right now. He would actually quite like to get the boy off his mind. When James doesn't answer, Remus looks back over at him only to find the other boy frowning. "What, James?"
"Never mind, it doesn't matter," he murmurs. It's the wrong thing to say because Remus is interested now. He raises an eyebrow and watches as James visibly folds. "I don't want to upset you."
"Just tell me," Remus prompts, gently knocking their feet together.
"Fine, but I was probably wrong and it doesn't change anything because Sirius is happy with Jess, and-"
"Spit it out, James."
"Well, there was a time in third year when I thought Sirius might've had a crush... on you," James says slowly.
Remus blinks. "What?"
"He never said that he did, but there was this one time when he was drunk and he admitted that he had a crush on someone," James discloses in a rush. "I only thought it might be you because, well, because he gave you that necklace."
Remus' hand instinctively reaches up to feel the Ombud through his jumper. He's always wondered why Sirius trusted Remus with it out of everyone. There is no way that what James is implying can be true. Sirius couldn't have, wouldn't have, ever liked Remus. It just doesn't make any sense. Sirius is beautiful, disgracefully clever, the best friend anyone could ever ask for. There is no way Remus could ever be so lucky as to have someone like Sirius Tonks fall for him.
"It's just a necklace, James," Remus sighs, dropping his hand.
James opens his mouth as if he's about to say something else, but he seems to decide against it. Instead, he looks over at the grandfather clock in the corner of the room and gets up out of his chair. "Come on, you're rounds start in two minutes and I bet Reg is already waiting outside for you."
Amused, Remus stands too and raises an eyebrow. "Reg?"
Somehow, James' grin manages to grow wider. "Yeah. What about it? I've been calling him that since first year."
"Nothing," Remus smirks, raising his hands in mock-surrender. "Lead the way then. We wouldn't want to keep Reg waiting too long."
"You're not allowed to call him that," James demands with narrowed eyes. "Only I can."
"Alright, keep your pants on," Remus sniggers. "What's so special about it anyway?"
"Not a lot, it's just something I used to call him when we first met, before the two years of hatred ensued," James cringes.
"How lovely," Remus mutters.
They make it through the portrait and out into the corridor, where they find Regulus leaning back against the wall, his arms crossed. He's humming a tune, something that sounds like Blackbird by The Beatles. Remus must be mistaken; he's sure the heir to the house of Black isn't allowed anywhere near Muggle music.
When he notices the two Gryffindors approaching him, he quickly stands up properly and fixes his posture. His eyes jump to James and linger there for a moment before they return to Remus.
"Lupin," he nods.
"Black."
"Uh... Potter?" James adds, giving Remus the sudden urge to sigh.
Regulus looks back over at James, and Remus is shocked to see amusement - and what appears to be fondness - clear as day on his face. He covers it up quickly, sliding his mask of indifference in place, an expression Remus is used to seeing on the boy.
"Right, let's just get this over with. I'm already tired and we haven't even started yet," Remus says as he steps forward so that he's standing beside Regulus and across from James.
"James?" Regulus says. It's weird not hearing the usual, sharp 'Potter' come out of his mouth.
"Yes?" James smiles, giving the Slytherin all of his attention.
"This is the part where you go back to your common room."
"Oh, right," James says, shaking his head. "Well, have fun, you know, telling other students off... or whatever it is Prefects do. I'll see you later." He doesn't specify who he's talking to, but Remus knows that last part was meant for Regulus.
"Bye, James," Remus says as James turns around to enter the common room.
Remus and Regulus make it to the fifth floor before they break the silence that had settled between them once James left. The quiet hasn't been uncomfortable, it's actually been quite nice. Remus gets the impression that Regulus, like him, also enjoys a bit of hush every now and then. However, after an hour of non-stop thinking, Remus' curiosity grows unbearable.
"Why are you friends with James?" He blurts out when Regulus pokes his head back out of a broom closet he was inspecting.
"Why do you care?" Regulus retorts as they continue walking down the corridor.
"Because you spent two years hating him and then suddenly decided he's not so bad," Remus responds.
"I never hated him, I just tried not to like him," Regulus mumbles. His eyes haven't moved over to Remus once since the conversation started, too busy jumping around the corridor as if he's waiting for someone to come jumping out of a broom closet or something.
"Why?"
Finally, Regulus' gaze snaps to him; sharp and distant, just as expected. "Why do you think?"
Remus frowns, but then it hits him. "Sirius."
It wasn't a question. Regulus nods anyway.
"There's something I don't understand," Remus says, stopping to quickly pop his head into an empty classroom. When he doesn't find any half-naked students in there (thank God), he closes the door and turns back to Regulus. "If you were trying not to like James, how on earth did you end up friends with him?"
"He's scared of the dark," Regulus shrugs.
"What?"
Regulus sighs exaggeratedly. "I was out at night and he noticed and so he got scared and then he wouldn't leave me alone for a year."
"Oh." After a moment, he nods. "That sounds like James."
"It was rather difficult to keep disliking him," Regulus says, unprompted. Remus is surprised he's answering his questions at all actually. "He's annoying like that."
Remus huffs out a laugh. "Yeah, he is." Then, he adds, "Anyone who doesn't like James Potter is a fool."
"An idiot," Regulus agrees.
Remus smiles to himself. They don't speak anymore, not finding any reason to. Remus realises that he actually quite enjoys the amicable silence they share between them. If this is how their rounds together will go over the next couple of years, then Remus might actually look forward to them. There's something eudaimonic about admitting to himself that he's interested in possibly befriending Regulus Black, even if it is only for James. Although, there's a part of him that knows, even if James wasn't a part of the equation, he would still feel the urge to become the Slytherin's friend. Regulus is a very intriguing individual.
When they make it to the ground floor and start heading towards the dungeons, Remus accidentally stumbles over one of the crooked flagstones. He's expecting himself to go falling face-first towards the floor. However, just in the nick of time, Regulus reaches out to catch him. His hand wraps around one of Remus' arms and he tugs him up. Remus winces at the contact, feeling as something burns him.
"Ow, fuck," he hisses as he pulls his arm away from Regulus. Grimacing, he looks down at his forearm where a small, snake-shaped pattern flames red on his skin. He frowns and then looks at Regulus' hand. Panic fills him when he realises it's the pattern from one of Regulus' rings - one of his silver rings.
"Watch where you're walking, Remus," Regulus tuts, brushing down his own robes. He doesn't seem to notice Remus' inner worries, too busy trying to fix his appearance. So, Remus pulls down his sleeve and buttons it up at the wrist, then does the same on the other side, praying that Regulus didn't notice anything.
"We're done here, right? See you around then," he rushes out before spinning around on the spot and marching back down the corridor.
"Wait, Lupin!" Regulus calls and Remus' eyes sink shut. Maybe Regulus did notice the silver thing after all.
"Yeah?"
"I'll meet you outside Gryffindor Tower for our next rounds, too," Regulus says.
Oh, so maybe he didn't catch the silver thing, Remus thinks, relieved.
"Sounds good," Remus nods and then he turns around and starts making his way back to Gryffindor Tower.
Wednesday - 3rd September, 1975
The next morning, Remus' first lesson is Care of Magical Creatures, which he shares with James. The events of last night have been swirling around in his mind non-stop to the point where Remus is now no longer sure if Regulus did catch what his silver ring did or if he didn't. He thinks repeating what happened to someone else and getting a second opinion would help.
As there is still a lingering warmth in the air from the summer, their class takes place on the edge of the Forbidden Forest today. Their professor has them searching for flobberworms, but no one has been successful yet. They've been told to work in pairs, so Remus and James are attempting to complete the task at hand together.
When Remus has managed to subtly get them both far enough away from the rest of the class that no one else will hear what they're saying to each other, he pulls James behind a tree by his arm, causing a yelp to fall out of the other boy's mouth.
"Remus?"
"I need to tell you something," Remus mutters, eyes searching the area again to make sure they aren't being overheard. "It's about Regulus."
James' confusion gives way to concern. "What happened?"
"Last night, during our rounds, I accidentally touched one of his rings." His eyes widen as if to indicate the significance of what he's saying, but James doesn't seem to understand. With a sigh, Remus rolls his sleeve up and holds out his arm, which still has the burnt indent of a snake etched into his skin.
James' mouth drops open as realisation dawns on him. "Oh shit."
"Yeah," Remus grumbles, ripping his sleeve back down. "I don't know if he picked up on it or not, but if he did then we have a problem."
"Do we?" James asks, panic flashes in his eyes.
"Yes, James. Do you really think Regulus will be alright with the fact that he shares classes with a monster?"
"You're not a monster," James snaps, causing Remus to close his mouth. He watches as James takes a deep breath and then peers back up at him with a blazing look in his eyes. "I hate it when you say that about yourself. You aren't a monster, Moony," he says softly. "Let's not panic about Regulus yet. He hasn't said anything about it since last night-"
"Not that we know of," Remus mumbles.
James sends him a scolding look for interrupting him. "I honestly have no idea how he would feel about it if he found out but, as far as we know, he hasn't said anything about it to anyone yet. Either, he doesn't know, or it doesn't bother him. Both are good things, right?"
"I guess."
"Good then," James nods. "If you want, I can try and slip a question about werewolves into a conversation?"
"No, it's okay," Remus waves his offer off. "I wouldn't blame him if he did hate werewolves, and before you say anything about that - what I mean is, most people in the Wizarding World are taught to hate werewolves from a young age. I don't blame half of the people who carry that hatred because it's just what they've learnt from others."
"That may be so, but I don't want him to hate werewolves," James frowns. "I don't know what I would do if he did."
"Then don't ask him about it," Remus shrugs. "It really doesn't matter."
After a minute of silence, James slowly nods and whispers, "Alright, I won't," and they go back to their fruitless search for flobberworms.
Remus has Ancient Runes next and Regulus is in his class, so he ends up spending half of the lesson inconspicuously glancing over at the Slytherin to see if he's looking at him. He never is, so Remus concludes that he must not know. He's sure that if Regulus was at least curious about Remus' possible lycanthropy, then he would likely be watching him for indicators to the matter. As he's not, he must not be curious at all.
Remus breathes a sigh of relief.
That afternoon, he walks into Potions with Sirius and James, their first lesson of the year. They go straight to the back of the classroom, knowing the drill by now. As soon as the class is full, Slughorn waves his wand at the chalkboard, where a list of partners are written out.
Remus has to contain his dismay when he realises he's been put with Sirius. He should be happy to have been placed with one of his best friends, most other people would be. However, as Remus has been trying not to spend too much alone time with Sirius because he wants to get over him, this isn't exactly an ideal situation.
Sirius turns to him with a look of glee on his face. "Lead the way, Moony."
Remus plods over to the table in front of where James and - as Remus should have expected - Regulus are sitting. It might not be the best idea to seat Sirius and Regulus so close to each other, but Remus is hoping Sirius will honour what he said during the summer when he agreed to try and ignore the Slytherin when they returned to school. Remus isn't shocked that James and Regulus got put to work together, knowing Slughorn is quite fond of them as a pair.
He takes the seat by the wall, the one in front of James, whilst Sirius drops himself down on the one in front of Regulus. At the table to their right, Violetta and Astro are partnered up, and behind them is Xeno and Edgar Bones. Lily has been put with Snape - the two of them are occupying one of the back tables across the other side of the room. Snape's decision, Remus is sure.
Slughorn doesn't waste the first double lesson they have by going through the syllabus as their other teachers have. Instead, he gets them to work right away and has them brewing an Invigoration Potion. Their homework over the summer was to read up on the potion, so Remus is feeling confident that he won't entirely mess this up. He's feeling much better about the result when he remembers that Sirius, who is likely the cleverest student in their year, is his partner.
They create a system between them: Remus starts by preparing the vervain in the honeywater, whilst Sirius gets to cutting up the scurveygrass. They work in tandem and Sirius keeps up most of the conversation between them, leaving Remus to only supply quick responses.
Once the lovage is added to the mix, the two of them fall back onto their stools. Remus can hear James and Regulus working behind them. One of them is chopping something, their leg bouncing up and down on their chair as they do it. The other person is stirring the potion, Remus can hear the clinking of the stirrer against the rim of the cauldron every now and then.
"There's something off about the colour," James says suddenly. The bouncing leg has stopped, so Remus assumes James is now standing, hovering over his cauldron.
"That's what I was just thinking," comes Regulus' voice. "Maybe we should add a bit more of the honeywater before we put in the lovage."
"Good idea. Maybe one more sprig of vervain, too," James notes. There's some shuffling and then the sound of a potion fizzling. "There, it looks much better now."
"You didn't even measure it, James. How did you add the perfect amount just by chance?"
"It wasn't by chance," James replies, sitting back on his stool if the sound of it dragging against the stone floor is anything to go by. "I'm just a genius, querido."
"Stop it with that," Regulus huffs, also sitting down. "Alright, it's ready now. You can add the lovage now."
"Cualquier cosa para ti, querido."
"Remus!"
Remus tunes out of the conversation taking place behind him and turns to the source of the louder noise that interrupted his eavesdropping. He has no idea what James was saying, but he knows it must have been Spanish. He remembers James telling him once that he's half-Spanish.
Sirius is staring at him expectantly, blue eyes shadowed by his furrowed eyebrows.
"Did you even hear what I said?" Sirius questions, sounding impatient.
"Sorry, I was... daydreaming," Remus lies, feeling bad as soon as he's done it. He shouldn't have been listening in on James and Regulus' conversation in the first place.
"It's fine. I was only asking if you were alright," Sirius tells him, expression morphing into something resembling concern.
"What? I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"You've been very quiet since we got back and I haven't even really spoken to you until now. You aren't avoiding me, are you?" Sirius smirks, but Remus can see worry hiding in the creases around his eyes and between his eyebrows.
"I might be," Remus admits. He isn't ready to tell Sirius the whole truth, he doesn't think he ever will be, so instead he says this. "I've sort of been avoiding everyone. I'm sorry."
"Why are you avoiding everyone?" The other boy frowns, shuffling his stool closer to Remus'.
"I don't know, I don't want to be. I think I just miss home," Remus says quietly.
Sirius' frown turns into something understanding. He reaches out and Remus lets him, eager to feel some form of contact from the boy in front of him, no matter how little it is. Sirius rests a hand over his forearm, right where his silver injury is, making Remus hiss and pull away.
"Are you hurt?" Sirius whispers sharply.
"No," he lies again. Sirius catches it this time. He narrows his eyes and grabs Remus' arm, pulling up his sleeve before Remus can stop him. His eyes widen at what he sees and then he's looking back up at Remus' eyes.
"Silver?" He breathes so quietly, Remus is sure no one else in the room could have heard it. He nods in response and watches as panic fills Sirius' features. "Who?"
Remus shakes his head and slowly pulls his arm away. "That doesn't matter. It was an accident and I don't think they noticed."
"Fine, don't tell me," Sirius crosses his arms and Remus can't stop the small smile that curls at the corner of his lips at his friend's petulance. "At least let me take you to Madam Pomfrey after the lesson is over. You should get that taken care of, Remus."
Usually, he would argue against this sort of suggestion - or demand, as Sirius has displayed it. However, he's coming to realise that having a crush on Sirius Tonks means he is finding it harder and harder to say no to the boy.
"Do I have to?"
"Yes," Sirius nods resolutely.
"Ugh, fine," Remus grumbles.
"Good. So, now that I've finally got you talking to me," he starts, turning fully in his seat until he's facing Remus head on, "how did the rest of your summer go? Are things with Marie still..."
"Catastrophic?" Remus raises an eyebrow. Sirius nods bashfully. "Actually, no. She apologised and explained a few things to me. As it turns out, you were right. What she did had nothing to do with me at all."
"Of course, I was right," Sirius grins smugly and flips his hair over one of his shoulders. "I'm glad you two are friends again. I hated seeing you so sad."
And oh, why did Sirius have to go and say a thing like that? It's moments like these when Remus realises he isn't even slightly over Sirius, and he's afraid he never will be.
***
Thursday - 4th September, 1975
James
Once lunch is over, James bids his friends goodbye, who all have two free periods ahead of them, before making his way towards the infirmary for his first Healer's Course lesson. He has no idea who else will show up, but he does know that the course won't just be fifth-year students, but sixth and seventh, too. He knows none of his friends applied for the course - most of them didn't apply for any course. However, Regulus, Lily and Peter have all signed up for the Wizarding Politics course. James knows Scarlett did, too, which means she'll be spending two straight hours with Regulus every Thursday afternoon.
James is trying not to think about it.
When he arrives at the infirmary, he grins at the sight of Florence Spring - a friend of Remus' - waiting outside the doors. He assumes she's here for the Healer's Course and not because she's injured. She doesn't look injured, maybe a bit anxious, but that's all.
Her eyes fall on him just as he's approaching her and relief seems to pour into her features. "Please tell me you're here for Pomfrey's Healer's Course?"
"I am," James replies, stopping to stand in front of her. "I'm assuming that means you are, too?"
"Yes, I've always wanted to be a healer. Both of my parents are," she explains. "Do you think we'll be the only fifth years?"
"Possibly," James frowns as he glances down the corridor and notices no one. "Everyone I've asked have said they didn't apply for it, so it might end up being just us."
"I suppose that could be a good thing. Less distractions," Florence smiles nervously up at him. "Do you think it's time to go in yet?"
"We've probably still got a bit of time to wait. I made sure to get here early," James says. He pulls his wand out of his pocket and casts a tempus charm to check the time. They still have five minutes until two o'clock, which is when Pomfrey will let them in.
In that five minute period before the course begins, one more student from their year shows up, along with a small group of sixth and seventh years - none of which James recognises. The fifth year student is Josephine Bletchley, one of the Slytherin girls who shares a dormitory with Violetta. He's heard that she isn't like most of the other Slytherins, and James is always willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt no matter their house. After all, he's dating a Slytherin and it would be a bit hypocritical of him to judge anyone else for being in the house.
Pomfrey begins the first lesson by having them sit on a row of stools facing a chalkboard as she begins to list out the different ways you can heal ranging injuries. There are potions, spells, plants, she even teaches them about the benefits of some Muggle healing methods. James scribbles down notes more efficiently than he ever has before. He always takes his education seriously, but this is more than just a subject to him. This is his future.
During the second hour, she begins by going through types of injuries - varying from things as innocent as an abrasion to something as stomach-turning as a broken bone. She teaches them about what to do if a wound becomes infected or is at risk of becoming infected, then of how to treat that. They go through bloodier wounds, such as Quidditch injuries, trauma to the head, and lacerations.
At the end of the lesson, Pomfrey informs them that next week they will be going over how to treat internal wounds and then they'll be moving onto learning different healing spells.
Before leaving, James says goodbye to Florence and a sixth year boy called Cassian, who they befriended at some point during the lesson. He extends his farewell to Josephine when he catches her eye, even though they didn't speak at all during the length of the last two hours. She smiles in response before ducking her head and hurrying out of the infirmary.
James has a free period next, so do Mary and Lily. The three of them agreed earlier on in the day to meet up at the lake after James finishes at the infirmary, so that's where he heads off to. As soon as he is on the grounds, he spots Lily's dazzlingly red hair glowing under the scorching sun. He starts off towards where she's sitting in the grass, Mary by her side, the both of them are relaxing under the grand oak tree at the edge of the lake.
"James!" Mary calls, throwing her arms up to wave at him as soon as she notices him. Grinning, he waves back enthusiastically and speeds up his steps in an effort to get to them quicker. When he reaches them, he drops down onto the grass between them and lies down as he tries to catch his breath.
"For a Quidditch Captain, you sound unfit," Mary comments as she hovers above him, blocking the sun from his eyes. Half-heartedly, he reaches up to flick one of her curls.
"She has a point," Lily notes, "you shouldn't be this out of breath from just walking."
"I was basically running," James argues. With a huff, he sits up, making Mary lean out of his space. "So, what were you talking about before I got here?"
"Remus, mainly," Lily says, sending Mary an unimpressed look. Confused, James turns to Mary, who looks ticked off by Lily's expression.
"What about Remus?" James asks.
"Just that he's been rather quiet since we got back," Lily shrugs. "Has he said anything to you about it?"
"No," James answers. To tell the truth, he hadn't noticed Remus being distant at all. Now, he feels bad about that. Maybe he's been spending a bit too much time thinking about Regulus, but can you really blame him? He didn't see him for three months.
"See, nothing is wrong," Mary half-yells, pointing at James.
"Well, I still think something is," Lily states, crossing her arms primly. "He's been sulking all week. Haven't you noticed? It's whenever S-"
"Shush!" Mary shouts, sending a cautious look James' way.
"What?" James frowns.
"Lily, you can't go around sharing your theories about other people's lives to everyone under the fucking sun," Mary snaps. "Especially, when the people you're talking about aren't available."
James' eyebrows raise at what Mary's just said. Maybe she thought he wouldn't understand her words, but he does. Because James knows that if there is anything Remus has been struggling with recently, it's his feelings for Sirius. He wasn't going to presume that's what Mary and Lily were referring to, not at first, because no one else is supposed to know. Remus told James that he hasn't spoken to anyone else about the subject. Mary's words, however, imply otherwise.
"How do you... You're not speaking about...?" He blinks, unsure of what to say just in case they aren't speaking about what he thinks they are.
"Wait, what are you talking about?" Lily asks, completely ignoring the way Mary is glaring at her.
"You're saying Remus likes someone who's unavailable, right?" James makes sure to measure his words before he says them. He doesn't want to give off the impression that he knows who they could be talking about, because they might not be speaking about anyone in particular. For all he knows, they might just know Remus has a crush on someone, and he isn't prepared to accidentally break his promise to Remus that he wouldn't tell anyone.
"So, you've noticed?"
"...Yes," James says slowly.
Lily's eyes widen and James knows he's said the wrong thing. "You know who it is!"
"What? No, I don't," he lies.
"Bullshit, Potter. You suck at lying," she declares. People keep saying that to him - he's beginning to think it might be true. "Do you know for sure, or is it just a guess? Because I've had a hunch for years."
"Years?" James yelps, carefully not answering her question.
"Well, they're not very good at hiding it-" she starts, but Mary has obviously had enough.
"Lily," she warns.
"Mary, it's not like we're saying it in front of the person we're talking about, okay? So, it doesn't matter."
"It does matter because that person is in a relationship," Mary argues. "It isn't fair on them or the person they are with to be talking about this."
Lily opens her mouth and then closes it. Her shoulders deflate as she lets out a slow sigh. "You're right."
"I know I am," Mary says smugly.
"Wait, can I just ask something before we finish this conversation?" James asks, staring at Mary with a hopeful look.
She tuts. "Fine."
"Who do you think Remus likes?"
Mary and Lily share a look. Lily raises an eyebrow and Mary lets out a grumbling noise before waving her hand as if to say, Proceed.
"Before I say who I think it is, first I need to know... do you definitely know who it is?" Lily questions, green eyes burning into James' own intensely.
"I do..."
"Alright, I won't ask how you know or if my theory is correct, so I'll just out and say it," Lily speaks speedily. She remains silent for a moment, almost like she can't physically get the words out.
Impatiently, Mary bursts out, "It's Sirius, okay?! God, Lily, take your bloody time why don't you."
"I thought you didn't care for this conversation," Lily raises her eyebrows. Mary rolls her eyes.
"Sirius?" James repeats, and Lily nods. "What made you think that?"
"James, you said you had one question," Mary grouses.
"Apparently, I have more," James shrugs, sending her an apologetic look before turning back to Lily.
"Well, I've been noticing little things between them for years. Small touches and sometimes they blush when they get too close to one another. It hasn't happened since Sirius got with Jess, so I doubt Sirius likes Remus anymore," Lily says.
"Sirius liked Remus before?" James gapes.
"I don't know for sure, but I think so," Lily admits, sending a cautious look Mary's way. The other girl seems to have given up her defence of Sirius and Jess' relationship and is now grumpily staring out at the lake as if she can't hear a word they're saying. "Do you remember that party in third year when he said he liked a boy? Well, I thought he was talking about Remus, and then at the end of last year, Remus would blush whenever anyone so much as mentioned Sirius. So, I just thought he finally bloody figured it out, but by then Sirius was with Jess."
"I can't believe it..." James exhales. If Remus knew- but no. He can't tell him. Especially not whilst Sirius is with Jess, that would just be disrespectful to everyone involved. Just because Sirius might have liked Remus once upon a time, that doesn't mean he does now. He most likely doesn't because he's been dating Jess for almost a year, and the two of them are very clearly obsessed with each other.
"It is Sirius, isn't it? The person Remus fancies," Lily murmurs as she takes in James' expression. He sighs, knowing she already has her mind made up on the matter anyway.
James nods.
"Can we please stop talking about this now?" Mary pleads, finally looking at the both of them again.
"Yes, alright," Lily agrees, grinning to herself at James' confirmation.
"So, how did your first Politics class go?" James asks her and the conversation changes from there.
Saturday - 6th September, 1975
James wakes up bright and early on Saturday morning with a pep in his step. Today is the day he will be holding his first ever Quidditch try-outs as Captain. Unfortunately, Skylar decided to drop from the team at the end of last year, doing the same thing Gideon and Fabian did, so she can focus on her N.E.W.Ts. This means James needs to find a new Chaser and a new Keeper. This isn't bad compared to what Regulus is going to have to deal with. Last night, they met up at the tower and Regulus told James about how he needs to find two new Chasers, a Beater, and a Keeper.
Try-outs aren't until ten o'clock and James is up and out of bed by seven, his natural-body clock doesn't care if it's the weekend or if he was up talking to Regulus until three o'clock this morning. Somehow, he feels refreshed as he makes his way to the bathroom to clean his teeth and get ready for the day. Only ten minutes after he's gotten up, Frank makes himself known, yawning as he reaches around James for his own toothbrush.
They both try their best to get ready silently, not wanting to wake up any of the other three boys. Sirius is the next to wake, and he ends up throwing a pillow at Peter not long after, causing the boy to startle awake so hard that he rolls right out of bed and lands on the floor with a thump. By the time the four of them leave the dormitory, Remus is only just waking up, groggily telling them that he'll meet them in half-an-hour.
They make it down to the Great Hall just before nine in the morning. The hall is fuller than James thought it would be. He's happy to see Azalia and Marlene are already up and ready in their Quidditch kit. He asked the rest of the team (which now only compiles of fifth-years, he realises) to be there for the Quidditch try-outs. He learned from Darius and then Bracia that it's good to see how the new recruitments play alongside, and with, the other members of the team.
The team sit together, along with Peter, and eat their breakfast, poring over the entertainment section of the newspaper. Thankfully, there is no bad news waiting for them today.
Remus joins them at half-nine, just before they need to start heading down towards the pitch. He sits down beside Frank and across from Sirius. James doesn't mean to, but he finds himself watching as the two interact - or fail to, actually. Sirius' attention jumps to Remus the moment he slides onto the bench opposite him, but Remus doesn't look back. Sirius watches him for a couple of seconds longer and then looks down at his plate.
James reaches around Frank to pat Remus on the back, telling him good morning. Remus manages to scoff down two chocolate-chip pancakes before they have to leave. He insists on coming to support James' first act as Captain, which James really appreciates. He knows how much Remus despises the sport, so it means a lot to him that his friend got out of bed "early" on a weekend just to bolster him.
His nerves start to settle in the moment he steps foot onto the pitch, his broom in hand, and he realises that he has free reign of everything that is about to take place. For the next hour and a half, this pitch is his. There are already people dressed in red and gold Quidditch uniforms waiting in a group in the centre of the pitch, so James makes his way over to them, the rest of the team flanking him as he goes.
The group is somewhat larger than he remembers it being the previous year, which, he knows, will only make it harder to choose the perfect players. At James' presence, they all quieten down and turn to face him. He shakes his head, hoping the action will also shake off his anxiety, and smiles at the students before him. He introduces himself, not sure whether they all know who he is or not, and then goes through the drills he will be putting them through. He starts off with the Chasers, as he knows it will be simpler for him to pick the correct person since he is a Chaser himself, so he will be working closely with this person.
As it turns out, most of the students here are trying out for the Chaser position, leaving only three that want to try out for the Keeper spot.
James and Frank fly off into the air, as they are the other two Chasers, whilst Sirius, Marlene and Azalia start running drills for the three students who have nothing to do for the next hour or so, something to get their blood pumping.
James has to choose between eight students for the empty Chaser spot, so he gets to testing them all straight away. He and Frank work around each other fluidly, passing the Quaffle easily, knowing each other's methods by now. They practice passing and throwing the Quaffle between the eight try-out students. James manages to narrow it down to three rather easily, as most of them drop the Quaffle multiple times or fumble with it. There's a student who looks far too wobbly on a broom, and if James knows anything he knows not to recruit someone who isn't confident on a broom. Not just because it will disadvantage the team, but also because throwing an apprehensive flier straight into a brutal game of Quidditch will only make them more afraid of being in the air.
It's difficult to choose between the remaining three - they all have their good and bad traits. The first is a boy called Daniel Evergreen; he's obviously very good on a broom, if James were to guess he would say the boy has been flying ever since he was a child, but sometimes he is hesitant to pass the Quaffle whilst he's flying - he's a fourth-year. The second is also a boy, named Carlos Alfaro; he's very good at throwing the Quaffle, but he's a bit of a dawdler on his broom and whenever he catches the Quaffle, it slows him down even more - he's a second-year. The third is a girl called Angel Harrington; she is excellent when it comes to passing and receiving the Quaffle, but her flying is also not as speedy as James would like it to be - she's a third-year.
In the end, he chooses Angel, knowing he can work with her on her flying speed. Sirius is a very fast flier and James knows a lot of the younger years like Sirius, so he might get him to help out with Angel.
He sends Daniel and Carlos away as politely as he can, feeling bad about letting them down, but knowing it's what is best for the team. Angel flies around in an excited circle, yells a thank you to him, and then soars down to the ground towards where her friends are waiting. James smiles to himself, already fond of the girl.
The Keepers consist of two girls called Willow Jones and Gaia Lotten, and a boy called Brian Olden. They are all fourth-years and appear to be friends, which makes James feel a bit uncomfortable. He hopes his choice doesn't do anything to affect their friendship. He knows how passionate about sports people can get.
Unlike the Chasers, it's easy to choose the right Keeper. Gaia gets distracted easily and ends up missing the Quaffle just as it shoots through the hoop. Brian is very good on his broom, but he's so nervous, he's begun to sweat and shake like a leaf. When Willow is placed in front of the hoops, she moves like it's her job to. She manages to block almost every Quaffle sent her way, and the focus set on her face never falters.
When he announces Willow Jones as their new Keeper, much to his relief, her friends excitedly pull her into a hug. From his side, Sirius grimaces and makes a comment about how Brian, the poor boy who is still sweating, must be stinking up that hug.
James, Frank, and Sirius make their way over to the boys' changing rooms as soon as they are able to get away from a couple of disappointed students that wanted the Chaser position. It's lunchtime and James knows Remus is probably starving after not having eaten as much for breakfast as he usually would, so he tells Sirius and Frank to head off without him. He needs an extra-long shower after all of that. He lets the hot water run over him, undoing all of the knots in his shoulders.
He hopes he made the right decisions. What if he misjudged one player's capability and they would have actually been the correct choice? What if he chose wrong?
No, he can't think like that. Angel and Willow are both competent players and he knows they are going to do great. It isn't fair of him to disservice their abilities like that.
After almost half-an-hour in the shower, when his fingers have begun to resemble wrinkled prunes, he finally steps back out into the changing room and gets dressed into his regular clothes, some he always keeps in his locker for after practice. He decides to let his hair air-dry, aware that drying spells only ever make it frizzy.
He leaves the changing rooms and fully intends to start making his way back to the castle. But his plan is interrupted when he hears the voice of his favourite person, except... they've never sounded like this before.
Turning around, James peers around the changing rooms at the pitch, where Regulus is flying high above the ground, holding his own Quidditch practice. Evan and Barty are close by, both acting much more sensibly than they usually do when they are around each other. Regulus is shouting orders at a group of young Slytherin Beaters-in-the-making, who are all flying around like loose Bludgers, all but one.
Violetta is waiting patiently on her broom, staring down at her nails like she's bored. There's a bat in her hand - James hadn't been aware that she would be trying out for the Slytherin team. She never said anything to him.
When the students refuse to listen to Regulus' command, he presses his wand to his neck and yells, "Anyone who speaks another word is instantly disqualified from these try-outs!" His voice is deep and dark, making James' knees slightly weak.
He decides to watch the entire try-out, not to get an upper hand on their new players, or their methods, but just because he wants to see his boyfriend fly. He loves to watch him fly. Regulus continues to be all bossy throughout the entire allotted two hours, and James absolutely loves it. He needs more bossy Regulus, please.
In the end, Regulus chooses Violetta as the new Beater, which appears to please Barty who seemed to enjoy whacking Bludgers with her throughout the trial. The new Chasers end up being a fourth-year girl called Mika Partridge and a seventh-year boy called Rabastan Lestrange, and the Keeper is a second-year girl named Serena Kashani.
James hides behind the changing rooms when the Slytherin boys enter it. When he hears voices emerge from the entrance half-an-hour later, he pokes his head around the corner and watches as Regulus, Evan and Barty start walking away. As subtly as he can, James sends a spell towards Regulus, just something small to catch his attention, a very mild stinging charm. Not enough to hurt him, just tickle him.
Regulus looks over his shoulder and when he notices James, he looks surprised. He says something to Evan and Barty, who both nod and then continue on towards the castle. Regulus, however, watches them go and then spins around and starts walking towards James. When he reaches him, he grabs him by his shirt and pulls him past the changing rooms and into the underneath section of the stands. When he is certain they are alone, Regulus turns around to look James right in the eye.
"Were you spying on my practice, James?" He asks accusingly, his eyebrow arching. Merlin, he's beautiful. James has no idea how he could have ever looked at Regulus and thought anything else. How silly he was.
"Not spying, just observing," James murmurs, taking a step closer. When Regulus doesn't move back, James smirks. "I like watching you fly."
"I know, you've told me before," Regulus notes.
"And... I like it when you're in Captain-mode. You're so bossy."
Regulus' arched eyebrow rises even higher, a smile curls at the corner of his mouth. He moves forward until there's almost no space between them. Unfolding his arms, he places his hands tenderly over James' hips, which is a change of position for them. Usually, James is the one who has his hands there on Regulus' body.
"You like it when I'm bossy?" Regulus asks so quietly, he might as well be whispering.
"I love it when you're bossy," James corrects in a rasp as their faces get closer.
"Good to know," Regulus does whisper that time. He moves first, which surprises James because he had just made a deal with himself that if Regulus didn't kiss him then, he would just have to do it himself a second later. Maybe Regulus heard him.
Their lips slide together, moving in tandem as they kiss. James felt this only last night - this morning if he's being accurate - and yet it feels like he hasn't in a hundred years. Every time he gets the opportunity to touch Regulus, it's like reliving that same feeling you get when you realise it's Christmas morning, only over and over again.
He buries his hands into Regulus' damp curls and grips it slightly, causing Regulus to not only tighten his own grip on James' hips, but also to gasp, allowing James to run his tongue across Regulus'. The other boy seems to like this change and becomes much more enthusiastic as he stands up onto his tip-toes, deepening the kiss.
"We should... probably..." Regulus mumbles through the kiss.
"Mhm," James breathes. He runs one of his hands down Regulus' shoulder and chest, revelling in how Regulus just allows him to touch him. It's like being offered the chance to experience heaven.
"Fuck," Regulus sighs. The kiss slows down, tempering to something softer and sweeter. Regulus pulls away and James is tempted to complain, but then Regulus leans in for one more lingering kiss before he drops down onto the heels of his feet again.
James is still cupping his face, so he uses this to his advantage and tilts Regulus' head down before dipping down to press a peck to his boyfriend's forehead. Regulus relinquishes his hold on James' hips and they separate. James wishes they lived in a world where they could walk back to the castle together, hands joined between them so that the whole world knew that Regulus was his and he was Regulus'.
"Meet me in the seventh-floor corridor at midnight, I want to show you something."
"Okay," James nods. He watches Regulus walk away, and only when he's out of sight does he leave, too.
Knowing he wouldn't be able to get any sleep anyway, James lies awake in bed wondering what Regulus could possibly want to show him. His mind wanders through dozens of possibilities, all wrong he knows because Regulus would never be so predictable.
When midnight hits, he grabs his cloak from where he had stuffed it at the end of his bed a couple of hours before, and quietly steps out of his bed. He is careful not to make any noise as he tiptoes across the room towards the door. He manages to make it out of his dormitory and through the common room without being noticed. Adorning his invisibility cloak, he steps out of through the portrait of the Pink Lady and goes to turn left when he notices Regulus already waiting for him.
They hadn't really specified where they would be meeting on the seventh floor. It's a large castle, so the seventh floor stretches for miles. However, unexpectedly, Regulus is right here. He's leaning back against the wall, just like he had been a few nights ago when he was waiting for Remus, so they could start their rounds. His head is tipped backwards, resting against the, surely cold, stone wall. Ebony curls tumble gently, deliberately neat, past his ears, contrasting flatteringly against his pale skin. He's got his eyes closed, which James thinks is unfair. Regulus' eyes are one of James' favourite things about the boy; most people assume they're grey, but James has been given the opportunity to look closer, to notice the strokes of blue that imitate waves.
As if he can hear his thoughts, Regulus cracks open an eye and turns his head slightly in James' direction. James is under his cloak, but he still freezes, feeling caught.
"I know you're there, James," Regulus says. His voice rumbles in his throat, having deepened considerably over the summer. James finds Regulus' lower voice attractive, which is probably a weird thought, but a true one.
Grinning, James pulls his cloak off, feeling as his hair sticks up with static as he reveals himself. Regulus moves away from the wall, facing James properly now. He's also grown since the last time James saw him. For a while there, it felt like he hadn't changed in height since first year, but now he looks like a fifth-year. His jaw cuts a sharp angle that somehow works well with the small amount of childlike chub that still clings to his cheeks. James is glad that he also shot up this summer, because if he didn't then Regulus would likely be a similar height to him, and James isn't sure he would like that. Well, that's not true. He would like Regulus in any form. What he means is, he likes that Regulus is significantly shorter than him, the perfect height for James to rest his chin on top of his head when he holds him.
"What?" Regulus asks, snapping James from his thoughts and back into the present.
"You're beautiful." The words leave his mouth before he gives them permission to. Something nervous clings to his chest, giving him the urge to start picking at his cuticles. He doesn't, knowing Regulus hates it when he does.
Much to his shock and pleasant surprise, Regulus' cheeks blaze red as he blushes under the compliment. This makes James' grin widen where it had begun to fade. He takes a tentative step forward, raising his hand to cup Regulus' face. Worry fills Regulus' face and he abruptly moves backwards, out of reach. James understands why he does it, truly he does, but it still hurts.
"No one's around," James says, trying to hide his hurt. It isn't fair for him to feel it, not for the reason he does. He knows Regulus isn't trying to hurt him, he's just being cautious because a lot is on the line for him.
Regulus stares up at him with a guilty expression, something warring behind his eyes. He glances around the corridor and then moves forward. He snakes a hands around the back of James' neck, slipping it into his hair and pulls him closer, bringing their lips together. It's a swift kiss, something short and sweet, but James will take it. He would take anything Regulus offers him.
When they part, Regulus discreetly slips his hand into James' and starts leading him down the corridor. James follows cheerfully, glad they get to enjoy at least the nights together, knowing they might not ever get the days. The thought saddens him, but, again, James would take anything Regulus offers him. If Regulus will only ever give himself to James in the shadows, then James will thank him for it.
They turn a corner and then another, until they approach a corridor James hasn't seen since he and his friends were mapping out the castle back in second year. He hasn't spent any time down here because there's nothing, just a dead end. There's a peculiar tapestry on the right wall of the corridor, depicting a man who is attempting to evade several weapon-wielding trolls at once.
Regulus gently drops James' hand and then, much to the Gryffindor's confusion, begins to pace up and down the corridor with his eyes firmly shut. He looks a bit like he's attempting to fight some inner demon from taking control or something. James feels as worry spikes inside of him. He takes a step forward, but stops when the man in the tapestry beside him starts to talk to him.
"Don't interrupt him, son. Immense focus is what it takes - immense focus," the man tells him.
"Immense focus for what?" James frowns, utterly lost.
"For this," Regulus says as he stops his pacing and stands beside James, who is still facing the tapestry. Regulus cocks his head pointedly towards the opposite wall, so James turns around.
He almost yells at what he sees.
A door has appeared miraculously on the wall across from the tapestry. It's white marble, something ornate that looks as if it belongs hinged to the wall of a palace. When he glances briefly at Regulus, the other boy is smirking at him in a way that suggests he had been expecting James to react exactly like this.
"How?" James whispers.
"Magic, I suppose," Regulus shrugs before taking a step forwards. James watches as the other boy approaches the door and then pushes at it. For some reason, he doesn't expect the door to actually open. A part of him thinks he's hallucinated it, or maybe he did fall asleep in his bed after all and this is all a dream. Regulus walks through the new entrance and disappears. After a couple of seconds, he pokes his head out through the doorway and looks at James. A daring grin lights up his face and James recognises it, though he can't remember Regulus ever making this expression before. It is so, well... so un-Regulus-like. Still, a part of him is drawn to the mischief that lingers in the subtle quirk of the boy's lip and the sparkle in his eyes.
"Are you coming?" Regulus asks.
James doesn't answer. He listens to his instincts and walks forward, meeting Regulus in the doorway. "Where are we going?"
Regulus meets his eye and says, "Home," before holding out his hand. An offering. James takes it, of course, and allows Regulus to lead him through the threshold.
A gasp tumbles past his lips as he takes in the scene before him. High ceilings rise above them, as tall as the one in the Great Hall; except, instead of being shrouded by a mirror-image of the sky, there are paintings of naked babies with wings on their backs. Some hold lyres, whilst others float on clouds. His eyes drop to the rest of the room and he startles when he notices they are surrounded by humanoid figures. It takes his brain less than a second to realise these are statues. Some shine with copper, whilst others glint a marble white.
James' eyes eventually settle back on Regulus, and he can't help but think that, even with all of the other beauties in this room, Regulus is his favourite.
"What is this place?" He questions, intrigue lining his words.
"A Muggle museum. It's a place I've been going to since I was little. It's actually back in Knightsbridge. Whenever I'm home, I sneak out through my bedroom window at night and wander it's halls when no one is around. I haven't... no one else knows about it. I've never told anyone about this place," Regulus mumbles that last part and peeps up at James with vulnerability shining in his eyes.
"How is it here if the museum is in London?" James asks, feeling flabbergasted.
"I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that the room changes based on what you require, and I'm almost certain it's the lost room of Rowena Ravenclaw-"
"Oh, Merlin, you found one!" James shouts excitedly.
"Found one... what?" Regulus raises an eyebrow at him.
"One of the founders' lost rooms," James clarifies, grinning. "My friends and I have been searching for them all for years. We found Godric Gryffindor's back in second year."
"Oh," Regulus says, frowning slightly. James' smile drops as he watches Regulus deflate and avert his eyes. He's confused where he went wrong for a minute, but then Regulus' earlier words catch up to him. No one else knows about it. I've never told anyone about this place.
Oh.
And James just said his friends have been trying to locate this room - Regulus' secret place. Just his.
"I won't tell them," James says before he realises what he's doing. "I'll keep it a secret. It's your room and you deserve to show it to whomever you please."
"Technically, it's Rowena's room," Regulus mumbles, but his frown has vanished, and in it's place is a small smile. "Thank you," he says as he looks up at James through his eyelashes.
"Don't worry about it. So, tell me, is this your favourite part of the museum?" James asks.
"Not exactly," Regulus answers, his eyes wandering around the room. "I like this room, but my favourite is where Reverie is."
"Reverie?"
"A painting... a Muggle one, so it doesn't move," Regulus speaks quietly.
"Oh, is this place why you like Muggle art so much?" James smiles as a memory of an eleven-year-old Regulus on the Hogwarts Express jumps through his mind. It was four years ago, and yet James still remembers every detail of their first encounter.
"You remembered?" Regulus blinks, looking completely baffled.
"Of course, I did. I remember everything you told me that day," James admits bashfully.
"Well, then I suppose this visit was four years in the making. Come on, let's go show you your first Muggle painting," Regulus says. He takes James' hand for the third time that night, and James, just as he did every other time, follows.
When they arrive in front of Regulus' favourite painting, James gawps at it. Regulus was right, Muggle paintings really don't move. The woman beyond the frame is so still, he would assume she was under a petrifying charm. Still, she's beautiful, elegant in a regal sort of way, just like Regulus.
"I remember everything you told me that day, too, you know," Regulus whispers after a long period of silence. Slowly, James turns to face him, his eyebrows furrowed. "You love to bake with your mother and brew potions with your father - your two favourite people in the world. I remember your obsession with Quidditch, and how you were afraid of the woods. I remember your favourite colour changes every day, but that day it was blue."
A small smile pulls at a corner of James' mouth. "Yes."
"Why was it blue? You never said."
James didn't because the thought of admitting why seemed a bit embarrassing. Especially, considering they hadn't known each other for an hour when he told Regulus his favourite colour that day was blue.
"You'll think I was crazy," James shakes his head and meets Regulus' eyes.
Regulus shrugs nonchalantly. "Nothing I don't already believe, chéri."
James' heart races in his chest at Regulus blatant use of French. It's honestly one of the most attractive things he's ever heard, coming second only behind when Regulus sings. James has only heard it once, back in second year when the marauders pulled a prank that made everyone in the school sing instead of speak for an entire day. James remembers how Regulus had sung in French and he'd freaked out. How did he not know? He's been smitten for years.
"Alright, but try to remember that I was eleven and you were the first person I had allowed myself to connect with since..." James doesn't say his name, doesn't need to. Regulus smiles comfortingly and nods knowingly. "Your eyes," he says quickly before turning back to look at Reverie. Merlin, he's so embarrassing. He can't believe he actually admitted it after all these years. Regulus is probably going to break up with him now-
"Oh, wait no, look at me," Regulus chuckles. "You... that's sweet. There's no need to be embarrassed, baby."
James' head snaps to the side.
Did he hear that right?
Is he going insane?
Did Regulus really just call him baby ?
Okay, James is freaking the fuck out. He loves it when Regulus calls him terms of endearment in French, mostly because whenever Regulus speaks French at all, he sounds amazing. James recalls once telling Regulus he could insult him in French and he wouldn't mind.
Alright, so maybe James isn't going insane. He already is insane, but still.
There's something different about actually being able to understand what it is Regulus is calling him. James understands the word "baby". Oh, he really does. He likes it. A lot. Regulus needs to do it again immediately.
Except... Regulus looks absolutely mortified by his slip. James knows he didn't make the conscious decision to call him that, but somehow that's better. It was an accident, which means it was natural to him.
Oh Merlin, James really is going insane.
Regulus' entire face is so red, it's almost purple. He's frozen - eyes wide, mouth slightly parted, hand hovering in the air between them like he doesn't remember how to drop it.
James decides to end his suffering.
"Say it again," he commands.
"No," Regulus squeaks. He clears his throat and seems to regain the ability to move. He drops his arm back to his side and blinks. "That was an accident. I'm never saying it again."
"What? Come on! I call you darling all the time, and baby is a cute pet name-"
"Pet name," Regulus grimaces.
"Term of endearment?" James tries.
Regulus side-eyes him, not appearing convinced.
"Aren't you endeared by me, Reg?" James blinks prettily at him.
"Absolutely not," Regulus crosses his arms.
"Oh, ouch," James frowns and presses his hand against his chest. "I see how it is then."
Regulus looks at him full-on again. "You really liked it?"
"I really liked it," James nods seriously.
Regulus doesn't respond, but he does nod. He doesn't say it again, not whilst they're in the room. James assumes he's still getting over the unnecessary embarrassment that overtook him.
They spend a few hours wandering around the museum. Regulus shows James all of the sights there are to see, and he is thoroughly impressed by everything presented to him. He understands why Regulus would choose this as his place to escape to - it's easy to escape when you're surrounded by all of these mirrors of other worlds, other times.
They finally start making their ways back to their dormitories after three in the morning. Regulus is yawning widely, which is really adorable if you ask James. Regulus drops James off outside the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, a little ways down the corridor so that the Pink Lady won't notice him.
"Thank you for trusting me enough to show me that place," James says as he links their fingers together. Slowly, he pulls Regulus towards him. "I know how important it is to you."
"The only person I would want to share it with is you," Regulus mumbles, dropping his gaze to the floor.
James reaches out and uses his finger to tilt Regulus' chin up, making him meet his eye.
"You got something wrong earlier," James says. When Regulus frowns, he chuckles. "My parents aren't just my favourite people. You're my favourite person in this world, too, darling."
Regulus hasn't always been good with words, and James is beginning to realise he is better at showing what he feels than actually articulating it. He pushes forward and presses a firm kiss to James' lips. James cups his jaw and lets his other hand wander to Regulus' waist. Regulus loops his arms around James' shoulders and draws him closer.
When they part, their lips still close, only a breath between them, Regulus whispers, "Good night, baby."
James grins and leans forward to place a peck onto Regulus' cheek. "Good night."
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
querida = darling (Spanish)
Cualquier cosa para ti, querido = anything for you, darling (Spanish)
chéri = darling (French)MENTIONS:
- Remus and Regulus bonding over their love for James <3 Platonic moonwater is starting!
- I wonder if Regulus noticed the silver thing or not 👀
- Remus eavesdropping on Jegulus being cute <3
- Lily and James gossiping about wolfstar whilst Mary is trying to stick up for Jess 💀
- Captains James and Regulus!! James watching Regulus' Quidditch try-outs <3
- JEGULUS! I love them. They were so sweet this chapter <3
- Regulus finally showed someone the museum (and the room)!!
- My belief is that James calls Regulus 'darling' or 'love', and Regulus calls James 'baby'Happy Christmas Eve, everyone! I hope you all have an amazing Christmas tomorrow. I just want to thank everyone for the support I've had on this fic over the last year. You're all great! See you on New Year's Eve <3
- Rue
Chapter 59: Fifth Year: Starlit Cigarettes and Tiny Beds
Summary:
Regulus makes a friend. Barty changes his appearance. A quidditch match. The Gryffindors get pranked. Sirius realises Remus has been avoiding him.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief references to war/discrimination
-brief mention of past seizures
-mental abuse by a parent (through a letter)If I've missed anything, let me know. That list looks suspiciously short 👀
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I have late night conversations with the moon;
he tells me about the sun, and I tell him about you.
~ S. L. Gray
Saturday - 20th September, 1975
Regulus
Regulus and his friends have just visited Hagrid for the first time since they returned after the summer. It's almost time for dinner now and the sun is beginning to slowly sink below the horizon. Colours paint across the sky in a beautiful array, fading away behind the treeline of the Forbidden Forest, and reflecting magnificently across the surface of the Black Lake.
He tunes back into the conversation his friends are having - Barty is talking about a date he had with a Hufflepuff in the year above earlier today. Naturally, Regulus' attention jumps to Evan, as it often does nowadays whenever Barty finds himself in another new relationship.
Evan is staring at the ground with a blank expression, but Regulus notices the way the skin around his eyes is pinched, the way his jaw is clenched. He nudges him and, when Evan meets his eyes, Regulus gestures with a tilt of his head that they slow down a bit. Barty and the girls carry on, Pandora being the only one to turn around and silently check if they're alright. Regulus nods and she turns back around, looking reluctant as she does.
Regulus and Evan carry on behind the rest of the group, remaining silent at first. To be honest, Regulus isn't planning on saying anything. He knows Evan would prefer it if he didn't bring up Barty right now, or his date, so he doesn't.
Evan, however, apparently can't handle the silence. "How's Potter?"
Blinking sharply, Regulus turns to look at Evan with a raised eyebrow. "Since when do you care about his wellbeing?"
"That's not what I meant," Evan chuckles. "How is it going with him?"
"Oh," Regulus mumbles, looking back down at the grass. His mind jumps to the other night when he accidentally slipped up and ended up calling James 'baby'. It was absolutely mortifying... until James expressed how much he liked it. Now... Regulus usually protects his dignity like a dragon would guard their treasure, but he's realising that, when it comes to James, he is willing to sacrifice a bit of it to satisfy the boy.
Salazar, he's becoming pathetic.
"It's fine." As he says the words, he realises how entirely inaccurate they are. Things are much better than just "fine" with James. In fact, Regulus is certain he has never been happier in his whole life than when he is with James.
What happened over the summer has been playing on Regulus' mind a lot over the last couple of months. Finding out his family is closely involved with everything he's been seeing in the papers, with all of the brutal and discriminatory attacks. Even Narcissa. Sure, she may not be contributing to the cause first-hand, but she supports it. Or, at least, she doesn't mind her husband and sister supporting it.
Speaking of Narcissa, Regulus feels like he's lost her in all of this. His first loss of the war, but likely not his last. He's constantly fighting with his morals over whether he should just ignore Narcissa's views on the matter and return to how things were between them before the summer, or if he should listen to the voice in his head that keeps reminding him how wrong all of this is. The only problem is, if he does listen to the voice in his head, he can't possibly maintain the same relationship he's always had with his favourite cousin. Not without it eating away at him.
The only time Regulus' mind has a reprieve from all of these spiralling thoughts is when he's with James. The boy has been a wonderful distraction. Regulus finally showed him the room - and not only the Room of Requirement, but the museum. He's never even told anyone about it before, let alone thought about showing anyone. However, it wasn't that difficult to make up his mind about whether he wanted James to see it or not. It's the only secret of his own he has kept guarded from James, and when he realised that, it hit him that he wouldn't be opposed to James finding out about the room or the museum. In fact, Regulus felt a thrill of excitement shoot through him at the idea of introducing James to something so personal to him.
Just as he knew he would be, James was amazed by the room, and then completely blown away by the Muggle museum. He agreed that the immobile paintings were worrying, but he seemed to be intrigued by them all the same.
"That doesn't sound very good."
Evan's voice snaps him back into reality. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts and tries to remember what they were talking about.
"No, it is... it's really good, actually." Much to his horror, Regulus feels as blood rushes to his cheeks and a smile threatens to form on his lips.
"Merlin, look at you," Evan laughs. "You're completely gone on him."
"Shout it out, why don't you. I don't think he heard it from Gryffindor bloody Tower," Regulus tuts.
Evan wiggles his eyebrows, ignoring Regulus' words. "You should know, he's completely gone on you, too."
Regulus narrows his eyes at his friend. "Explain."
Evan smirks and Regulus has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "I always notice him daydreaming in your direction during Divination."
"Maybe he just spaces out a lot," Regulus shrugs. He doesn't know why he's dismissing what Evan is saying because he actually quite likes the idea of James' attention being on him when Regulus isn't looking.
"Nah, he's staring," Evan nods wisely. "He smiles whenever you do that little half-grin of yours, you know, when you're trying to pretend like something Barty said wasn't funny. I'm surprised his mates haven't figured it out yet, or anyone else for that matter. He isn't half obvious about it."
"Bloody James," Regulus whispers to himself. That idiot is going to be caught sooner or later if he keeps at it. As much as Regulus was just enjoying the fact that James apparently likes to watch him, he now realises he's going to have to ask the boy to stop.
That night, he makes the long journey up to the Astronomy Tower, even though James won't be showing up tonight. He told Regulus last night that he wouldn't be able to make it today because he had to help Remus with something. Even though he wanted to, Regulus didn't pry, nor did he ask James to perhaps try helping Remus during the day. (Regulus only gets James during the dead hours of the night, so forgive him if he's a bit possessive over his time.) He knows James wouldn't skip a night they could spend together if it wasn't important.
A part of Regulus wonders if this is James' cover for a prank. Maybe Regulus will wake up the next morning to an infestation of pixies in his common room, or something just as terrible.
When he reaches the tower, he sits at the edge, his legs dangling down past the rail. He hasn't done this since second year, the period before James started coming to bother him. Thinking back to it now, Regulus is glad he did. He can't believe how much has changed over the last two years. He knew not everything in his life would remain the same forever, but he wasn't prepared for all of this change to occur so rapidly and all at once. For Merlin's sake, he's dating James Potter. Never would he have ever thought this is what the future would hold for him.
As he ponders on that thought, he hits the realisation that Pandora must have known this is where he and James would get all along. She's known since the very beginning, since that first train ride to Hogwarts. He honestly has no idea how she keeps all of these secrets to herself for so long. Regulus knows he would never be able to handle the power she holds and the gifts she possesses.
He wonders what else could be lying close in his future. Something as earth-shaking as him dating James Potter could be lying in wake for him not too far away. The thought frightens him.
The absence of James beside him is horrifyingly obvious. It feels wrong being up here now without James next to him, yapping away about something or other. Regulus loves listening to him talk, he's got such a lovely voice, especially when he speaks Spanish.
It's been a long time since he's felt lonely up here. He thinks about what he did the last time he felt like that and finds his gaze drifting up towards the stars. As they do, something else snags his attention. His eyes stop on the bulbous moon in front of him, full and glowing. He blinks as he feels something tugging in the back of his mind, calling for his attention.
He chases the thought luring in the back of his mind and grabs it just before it evades his mental clutches. His mind takes him back to a couple of weeks ago when he had Prefect rounds with Lupin. At the end of the night, when they arrived at the dungeons, Remus had tripped and Regulus, instinctively, reached out to catch him. Only... something happened as they made contact. Regulus remembers how he had felt a fizzling on his skin, right where his ring is, the one Dorcas gifted him years ago. When he inspected it, he didn't notice anything wrong with it, and when he looked back up at Remus, the boy seemed unbothered.
Regulus hasn't thought about the interaction very much. It was strange, certainly, but nothing important enough to occupy a space in his mind amongst everything else.
Now, he isn't so sure.
He wonders what could have caused the peculiar sensation. And did Remus notice it? Regulus hadn't thought so at the time, but maybe the Gryffindor was just good at masking his thoughts. Regulus would know a thing or two about that.
It could have been a magical reaction, though Regulus is unsure of what could have triggered that. All he had done was grab Remus' forearm.
Could it have had something to do with his ring? He stares down at it now and wonders if it's possible. It's a simple ring. It doesn't contain any magic, not as far as Regulus is aware anyway. It's got a dragon carved into it, the edges of it are smooth and well-cut, silver.
Regulus pauses.
Silver.
He furrows his eyebrows and looks back up to the full moon in front of him. The star beside it - Sirius, if Regulus isn't mistaken - twinkles as if to say Regulus is onto something.
His ring is made of silver. It only started to fizzle as it came into contact with Remus' skin. It's the full moon. Remus needs James' help tonight.
Regulus listens as the voice in his head starts to deny what he's thinking as soon as he's thought it. Because no. There's no way. Surely, not. Remus Lupin can't be a... a werewolf.
Holy fuck, he's a werewolf!
Regulus jumps to his feet and starts to walk towards the door, not sure why or what he is going to do. When he reaches the door, he stops, and then realises that's a bad idea. He should keep walking, he needs to move. He paces the tower and grabs at his hair as reality hits him.
Remus Lupin is a werewolf. The boy who has seizures in class, who smiles at Regulus' sarcastic quips when he thinks he isn't looking. The boy who was made Gryffindor Prefect and excels in class. James' friend.
Wait. If tonight is a full moon and Remus is a werewolf, then why does he need James? Regulus knows as well as anyone that werewolves and humans don't mix well, not unless you want a bloodbath to ensue. Surely, those boys aren't so stupid that they don't know that.
Maybe James is just worrying about his friend. Regulus has read that werewolf transformations are a bitch. A wave of sympathy hits him out of nowhere, and he discovers that he actually feels bad for Remus. Should he? Shouldn't he? Regulus doesn't know. He knows what his mother would say - she would think the boy a disgrace, something filthy that needs to be terminated as soon as possible.
Regulus flinches at his own thoughts.
Alright, so, Remus Lupin might be a werewolf, but he doesn't deserve any of that. Besides, Regulus has been helping Scarlett with research on werewolves and their lack of rights for months. He knows enough about the laws that surround them to know that Remus is going to have a terrible life. Well, he will if this gets out. Regulus also knows that Remus doesn't deserve that. He's nice enough, a hard worker, and he puts up with Sirius Tonks every day. Regulus may not know very much about Remus Lupin, but he is certain that he doesn't deserve to be treated as a monster, as the world would surely treat him if they knew, and probably will do one day when the time comes for him to sign his name up on the registry.
He stops pacing as he reaches the rail again, his eyes jump up to the moon.
He won't tell anyone. For some reason, he doesn't know why, he feels like it would be disloyal of him to do so. They aren't friends. He doesn't even think they like each other, they don't care enough to like or dislike each other as far as Regulus is concerned, and yet he still refuses to betray Remus' trust. He isn't even sure if he has Remus' trust, but he won't risk it if he does.
After glaring at the moon, he storms out of the tower, feeling frustrated with the stupid, fat rock in the sky. How dare it be so cruel? What gave it the right?
Again, he doesn't know why he cares. But he does.
Tuesday - 23rd September, 1975
After having spent his free period in the library, alone because Scarlett had Transfiguration, Regulus returns to his dormitory, only to find Evan and Barty sitting on the floor in the centre of the room. They both turn to look at him when they hear the door, Barty nods him over, so Regulus drops his bag by the door and joins them. He notices a piece of parchment on the floor, covered from top to bottom with Barty's handwriting. At the top is written, Prank Plans.
Regulus sighs.
"There's no need to look so miserable," Barty snickers. "The Gryffindors haven't pulled any pranks yet, so we have the chance to strike first."
"We're still doing this?" Regulus says with a tone of exhaustion. He doesn't really see the point of pranks anymore, not after all he learnt over the summer. Pranks are so futile compared to the real issues they should be worrying about. The attacks that frequent the newspapers are constantly on his mind, never giving him a break. Every time there is a mention of another attack, he wonders if Lucius was involved, if Bellatrix was.
"Of course we're still doing this," Barty snaps as his smile fades into a grouchy frown. "What has gotten into you this year? You've been grumpy ever since we got back."
"Barty," Evan reprimands, but he goes unheard by the other two boys who are too busy glaring at each other. After a while, Regulus sighs and drops his gaze.
"Nothing has gotten into me, I'm fine," he murmurs in a level voice. "Go on then, show me your plans."
Barty doesn't waste any time picking up the parchment that is spread out in front of them and showing it to Regulus. He starts explaining some ideas he formulated over the summer and Regulus tries his very best to act interested. He can feel Evan watching him, but he refuses to meet his eye, not wanting Evan to see how he is truly feeling.
They end up asking a house-elf to send them dinner to their dormitory because they don't want to be interrupted mid-planning. Regulus slowly finds himself getting distracted by Barty's plan - which is actually quite clever. They spend a few hours going over the logistics of how they will be able to execute the prank, and only bring their scheming to a halt when Regulus has to leave for his rounds.
It's the first night he will have rounds with Remus since the beginning of the month. Over the last few days, Regulus has composed a strategy to figure out if Remus Lupin really is a werewolf or not. On his way out of the dormitory, he pulls the lighter Barty gifted him years ago from his bedside drawer and tucks it away into his pocket. He puts on his Prefect's badge and wonders how Remus has been handling his when it's silver. Perhaps he transfigured it into some other metal, like tin or steel?
It doesn't take very long to get to Gryffindor Tower. The corridors are empty at this time of night and the moving staircases seem to be on his side. He manages to arrive ten minutes early and expects he'll be waiting for Remus for just as long. However, not even a minute after Regulus gets there, Remus comes sauntering out through the portrait leading to Gryffindor Tower. James isn't with him tonight, much to Regulus' disappointment. It must show on his face because when Remus notices him, he says, "James is halfway through a game of Exploding Snap. He told me to say hello."
"Okay," Regulus nods, not sure what to say. "Shall we go?" He gestures to the barren corridor in front of them and only starts walking when Remus does.
Throughout the next hour, Regulus feels his eyes wandering over to the other boy. He observes him without really meaning to. For the first time, he questions whether the scars on Remus' face truly were caused by something from the forest attacking him or if it had something to do with his lycanthropy. Regulus isn't quite sure how the two things would connect, but he has a feeling they do.
Remus keeps rolling his shoulders every half-an-hour or so, like he's in pain and is trying to relieve his muscles from it. He's limping slightly on his right foot, but he's very good at hiding it. His face never twinges with pain and his limp is subtle enough that Regulus wouldn't have noticed it were he not looking for a giveaway.
As they are crossing the viaduct courtyard bridge between Ravenclaw Tower and an entrance that leads them down to the sixth floor, Remus stops just as Regulus suspected he would. He's seen Remus smoking around the grounds in the past, and last time they had rounds they had stopped on the bridge so the boy could have a cigarette. The smell of it had made Regulus feel a bit sick last time, and the smoke had clogged his lungs to the point where he couldn't help but let out a raspy cough.
This time, however, Regulus is going to have to temporarily change his opinion of the small death sticks. It's important for his plan.
Remus starts to pull a cigarette from its box and, just as he goes to place it between his lips, Regulus speaks up.
"Could I try one?" He forces the words out before he can convince himself not to.
Remus turns to look at him and blinks, hand still hovering halfway to his face, cigarette dangling from between his fingers. He raises an eyebrow and slowly holds out the unlit thing to Regulus, who takes it with a supressed grimace.
"Wouldn't have pegged you for a smoker, Black," Remus says as he pulls another one out before shoving the box into his back pocket.
"I'll try anything once," Regulus shrugs. Then, he realises how... suggestive that sounds and pales. He risks a glance Remus' way, only to find the boy biting down on his bottom lip to stop a laugh, but his amusement bleeds out onto his face anyway.
"Anything?"
"To an extent," Regulus mumbles, feeling as his face burns red. He's hoping Remus can't tell with how dark it is out here. Hoping to change the subject, and enact the next stage of his scheme, he pulls out his silver lighter and lights the cigarette he just placed between his lips. Mentally sighing, he sacrifices his lungs and takes in a deep breath. It feels like someone's just filled his lungs with water, like he's drowning, except he's doing it willingly for some reason. He coughs out most of the smoke and watches as it billows out in front of him.
With watery eyes, he turns to look at Remus, but the Gryffindor is staring with wide eyes at the lighter in Regulus' hand. Regulus removes the cigarette from his mouth and sucks in a breath of fresh air. Once he's certain his voice will work, he holds his hand out, lighter laying in his palm. "Lighter?"
He closely examines Remus' reaction to Regulus offering him silver. He wonders if Remus can sense which metal it is. Does it smell bad to him?
Remus' eyebrows furrow as his eyes jump between Regulus' face and the lighter. After a moment, he shakes his head and pops his cigarette in his mouth. With a click of his fingers, the cigarette between his lips sparks to life. Regulus is impressed by this display of magic, much to his displeasure.
With a sniff, he says, "There's no need to show off. I thought you would appreciate doing it the Muggle way anyway, considering it's a Muggle habit."
"I like doing magic as much as I can when I'm here. I don't get to do it a lot back home," Remus mumbles around the object in his mouth. Regulus almost despises the boy for the way he effortlessly breathes in and out, not coughing once.
"Still, it's rude to say no to something when someone offers it to you."
Remus stares at him out of the corner of his eye. "Why do you want me to use it in the first place? And where on earth did you manage to get your hands on that?"
"Barty gave it to me," Regulus shrugs, staring out at the grounds. Subconsciously, he brings the cigarette back up to his lips and takes a drag of it. This time, it only causes a little tickle in his throat, and he's oddly proud of himself for not coughing. The taste isn't as horrible as he expected it to be. He actually quite likes it.
"You didn't answer my first question," Remus notes.
Regulus' lips part around an exhale, smoke curls in the air around him. He glances at Remus, looks him right in the eye and says, "Come on, Lupin, you're clever. I think you know the answer."
The other boy freezes. His eyes remain on Regulus and his hand holding his cigarette dangles over the rail of the bridge. Maintaining eye contact, Regulus takes another puff and doesn't even wince this time.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Black," Remus' voice is strained as he speaks.
"Alright, Moony. That's what James calls you, isn't it?" Regulus tilts his head to the side. "I'm surprised no one else has put two and two together, what a terribly obvious nickname."
"Regulus, what the fuck are you talking about?"
"I know, alright? I caught what my ring did to you last time. You don't need to panic, I'm not going to go around yelling your secret from the rooftops," Regulus assures him nonchalantly.
"Why?" Remus rasps.
"We all have secrets," he says simply. He realises Remus has just confirmed his suspicions, which okay. So. He wasn't wrong then. He is currently standing alone on a bridge in the middle of the night, smoking, with a werewolf.
"But we aren't friends."
Regulus stubs out his cigarette against the railing of the bridge. When his eyes land on Remus again, he smiles slightly, something he is sure the boy across from him has never seen from Regulus before. "No, but your James' friend and he's the best person I know. So, if he trusts you, then so do I."
Remus blinks rapidly, finally looking away from Regulus and dropping his head to stare at the ground.
"Like I said," Regulus begins, "I won't tell anyone. Even though I doubt I have your trust, just know that you have mine."
Ridiculously, Regulus finds it easy to trust Remus. Trust is a difficult thing for him, it always has been, and yet offering his to Remus is one of the simplest things he's ever done. When Remus finally looks at him again, he says the last thing Regulus is expecting to hear.
"I only trust people I'm friends with." Then, without glancing away or faltering, he states, "I trust you."
It's a completely surprising thing to hear and an even bigger shock to discover that he wants to accept what Remus is saying. Remus is telling Regulus that he considers him a friend, or that he would like to. Regulus didn't think he cared, he really didn't. It's funny how this keeps happening to him. How he continues to convince himself that he doesn't give a shit, when, in actuality, he does. He remembers denying his and James' friendship to himself for months, that was until James came and drunkenly complained to him about it.
Now, Remus Lupin is asking him for the same thing and Regulus doesn't understand how he didn't recognise this coming. Instead of dwelling on it, he decides to answer the waiting boy in front of him.
"I trust you, too," he nods. Something shy and uncertain lingers in the air between them, because neither of them know how to navigate this new dynamic. There's a long moment of awkward shuffling and clearing of throats, before Remus decides to break the uncomfortable silence.
"James is going to cry of happiness when he finds out," Remus says, punctuating it with an agonized sigh.
Regulus tuts. "Oh, you're right."
"We could just... not tell him," Remus suggests.
Smirking, Regulus turns to face him. "I like the sound of that."
Remus matches his smirk with one of his own and, with a tilt of his head towards the castle, they carry on with their rounds. The smell of smoke still lingers around them. Regulus never thought he would smoke, or that he would enjoy it. He never thought he would befriend Remus Lupin either. Yet, somehow, he enjoys the company of the quiet Gryffindor, too.
Saturday - 27th September, 1975
During Regulus' second visit to Myrtle's bathroom this month, he spends an hour nervously rambling about how anxious he is for the Slytherin versus Ravenclaw match next weekend. It's his first as Captain and over half of his team are new recruits, which means he has had to spend extra time making sure they're all trained up and prepared for an actual game. Ravenclaw were brutal last year and ended up winning the Quidditch Cup at the end of the year. Regulus isn't exactly thrilled that they're the first team they will be facing.
He knows that if his team don't pull through next Saturday, then it will likely be his fault. It's safe to say he's been losing sleep over it. Luckily, James is in the same boat as him, so they've been talking about how they have both been handling the new pressure. James has taken a more optimistic outlook on the entire situation than Regulus has, though he supposes that comes with his nature.
To top it off, he accepted Rabastan onto the team as one of the Chasers, which was absolutely a mistake. Regulus regretted it as soon as he made the decision. The thing is, Regulus' head has already been swamped with stress for what is happening to the world beyond the castle's walls. Rabastan only lives as a walking and breathing reminder of all that. It doesn't help either that Rabastan seems to think he has superiority over the team, one that exceeds Regulus' position as Captain, simply because he's the oldest.
If he could, he would replace him, but he can't do that now. Not without receiving a howler from his mother, and he's all out of Tonks' howler diffusers. Luckily, he will only have to deal with Rabastan being on the team for a year before he leaves Hogwarts forever. Regulus just needs to get through the next six months until the end of the Quidditch season is upon them. He can do that. Hopefully.
Myrtle has been patiently listening to his complaints for a while now and when Regulus' words finally start to lose speed, he realises just how long he has been talking for. Myrtle hadn't even told him to shut up once, not that she ever would, she is far too fond of him. Regulus will never quite understand why. He knows it must have something to do with the lack of any other contact; she lives in an abandoned, cobweb-ridden bathroom, for Merlin's sake. He can't imagine her social life is exactly thriving.
Once he's been silent for a few minutes, without giving any indication that he is going to start ranting again, Myrtle takes it upon herself to change the conversation.
"Did you ever end up finding Andromeda Black? Or that Hufflepuff boy?" She asks.
Regulus lifts his head from where he had dropped it against the wall behind him. He stares up at her floating image and gapes.
"Oh, Merlin, I had completely forgotten..." As the words leave his mouth, he realises how true they are. He hasn't thought about Andromeda, or Ted, for months. He's sort of been preoccupied with more pressing matters. Still, he can't believe he has completely neglected to think of her at all. He's spent the last four years searching for her, and for what?
Exactly. For what?
Maybe it's a good thing he stopped looking for her. He's losing all faith that he will find her. It appears to be an impossible task, not unless he's willing to ask someone in his family about her, but the only people he would even consider asking would be his father or Narcissa. Regulus isn't sure how deep into this Dark Lord business his father is, so he doesn't think asking him would be the right idea. He doesn't believe his father to be a blood purist, not like his mother is. His father is the person who taught him that blood doesn't matter. His father used to be friends with Hagrid. Still, he doesn't want to risk this, not when it's importance has lessened in his mind in comparison to everything else.
He can't ask Narcissa because they aren't exactly on good terms right now and, just like with his father, Regulus doesn't know how deep Narcissa is into the war. He can't trust her, not with this.
"No, I haven't found her and I don't think I ever will," Regulus admits with a lazy shrug. "To tell the truth, I don't think I really care to find her anymore. With everything that's going on in the world, it just doesn't seem important."
"Why were you so adamant on finding her in the first place?" Myrtle questions softly, floating down to hover a bit closer to Regulus' side. Somehow, he finds her cold presence comforting. As a boy more used to the cold than he is the warmth, sometimes the familiarity of the cold is what he needs.
"She's my family," Regulus answers honestly. That's all there is to it. He doesn't care if she was shunned away or burnt off the family tapestry. She's his cousin and, as far as he's concerned, she sounds much better than the rest of his family.
"Family is important to you, yes?"
"I suppose."
"Then why stop searching for her?" Myrtle presses.
"Because I- I wanted to find her so that I would have someone that felt like they were on my side. I wanted to get Narcissa's sister back, but now... I feel like I would just be endangering her if I attempted to contact her at all. She put a great effort into hiding herself, so people like me wouldn't be able to find her. What right do I have to undo all of that?" Regulus asks, staring up at Myrtle's bespectacled eyes.
"May I say something?"
"Of course, you don't need to ask," he tells her.
"You said she put a great effort into hiding so that people like you wouldn't find her. Well, I don't think that's true. From what I've heard, it sounds like she was running away from the people in your family who wanted to get rid of her permanently." Myrtle frowns in thought. "I think if she knew how much work you've put in to find her, how much time, she wouldn't send you away. You aren't like the rest of your family - your search for Andromeda is proof of that, Regulus."
"Even if that were true, I won't put her in danger by knowing me," Regulus says, resolute in his decision. No, he won't keep looking for her. This is where his search for Andromeda Black ends.
When Regulus returns to his dormitory midway through the afternoon, he expects it to be empty. Evan and Pandora are in Hogsmeade together today for some brother-sister bonding time. Dorcas offered to go shopping with Scarlett, wanting to get her out of the library since she's practically been living in it since the beginning of the month.
Regulus has noticed that Scarlett has been more stressed this year, he assumes it has something to do with the fact that they have their O.W.Ls at the end of the year. A few days ago, it was her birthday and so she met up with Maggie in the Hogwarts kitchens, something they have been doing for a couple of years now ever since Regulus set a meeting up between them back in third year.
Barty was supposed to be on a date today with his girlfriend - Isla or Isobel, something like that - but, when Regulus steps into the dormitory just after lunch, he finds Barty moping about on Evan's bed. It's not an unfamiliar sight, though it does trigger a fresh bout of curiosity inside of Regulus nowadays, especially after having received the knowledge that Evan fancies the boy.
Regulus frowns. He specifically hadn't gone to Hogsmeade today because he wanted a day free of other people. (Myrtle doesn't count.) He expected the dorm to be empty for the next couple of hours, at least. The faint irritation he feels at the disturbance fizzles out though as soon as he notices the way Barty is lying. He's curled into himself, eyes squeezed shut, telling Regulus he isn't asleep. Regulus hasn't seen his friend like this for a while, like he's trying to block out the whole world because there's one thing in it that he can't deal with.
Regulus would bet everything in his family's vault at Gringotts that it has something to do with Barty's father.
After weighing his options of what to do next, Regulus decides not to just turn around and walk back out of the door. Instead, he closes the door and the noise appears to startle Barty, who flinches but doesn't open his eyes. Regulus walks over to Evan's bed and sinks down to the floor beside it. He sits cross-legged and gently rests his forearms on the bed. He knows better than to touch Barty, even if it's just to get his attention. Barty has his guard up right now, he's in defence mode - Regulus has seen it enough times by now to be able to recognise it.
"Barty?" Regulus whispers softly.
Barty's eyebrows bend down further, creating a small crease to form in the skin between them.
"Barty, are you alright? Please, talk to me," Regulus tries again, speaking just as delicately as he had before. He hopes his gentle tone will ground Barty and show him that he's safe.
He blinks and suddenly hazel eyes are focusing in on Regulus' face, recognition and then relief shines in them. Regulus feels as his own shoulders relax slightly.
"Hey, Reggie," Barty rasps.
Regulus lets the nickname slide. To tell the truth, it doesn't really bother him anymore when his friends address him like that. He's grown used to it and it's always only ever used when they're trying to be careful with him. It's become a sweet spot for him.
"Are you alright?" He repeats as he rests his chin on top of the back of his hands.
"My father sent me a letter," Barty murmurs. He reaches a hand beneath Evan's pillow and pulls out an envelope, handing it to Regulus.
"Are you sure?" Regulus asks, his hand hovering in front of the envelope. When Barty nods, he takes it, pulls the letter out, and starts reading.
Bartemius Junior,
I have been hearing about the increase in your misbehaviour upon returning to school. Professor Slughorn has informed me of your constant tardiness, complete lack of punctuation, and vile social displays. (The social displays I am referencing are those that include the repeated activities you get up to with young ladies in the corridors!) It is an incredibly disrespectful way to act under the family's name and a tarnish to our reputation.
My wish was that you would one day grow out of this behaviour and stop acting like the vermin that you are. However, I now realise I must have expected too much of you. If you do not get your act together by the time your N.E.W.T years fall upon us, I shall have no other choice but to pull you from Hogwarts. What your mother and I decide to do with you after will only be determined by how massively you precede our expectations.
I am very disappointed in you.
Start doing what is expected of you. We shall talk when you return home for Christmas.
Bartemius Crouch Sr.
Regulus feels as a ball of anger builds up inside of him the more he reads. He hates Barty's father. Actually fucking hates him. He might hate him as much as he does his own mother, which is a hard feat to reach. It really goes to show just how horrid the man is.
He drops the letter on the bed and turns to Barty, eyes stern. "You aren't leaving Hogwarts, okay? You're not. I won't let it happen. I don't care what I have to do, I'm not going to let him steal you away, Barty."
"I broke up with Isla," Barty says quietly. "I have to... I have to listen to him. He will take me away if I don't, Regulus. There's nothing you can do."
It's stifling listening to Barty say those words. Barty is the definition of 'doesn't believe in rules'. To hear him say he's going to start abiding by the rules his father has set him, to acquiesce like some impotent puppet... it's scary. It isn't right.
"That isn't true," Regulus tells him, even though he actually has no idea how he would stop Barty's father from withdrawing him from Hogwarts if that is what he ultimately ends up deciding upon. "I won't let him take you. Evan won't either, he'll fight with everything in him to keep you here. And Dorcas, and Pandora. Maybe even Scarlett, too, if you're lucky."
That causes a laugh to quietly bubble out of the boy. When his smile fades, he looks at Regulus with sad eyes.
"I don't know what to do, Regulus," he says in a voice so small, so unlike Barty.
"What do you want to do? Right now."
"Something reckless," Barty answers honestly. "Probably shouldn't."
"What sort of thing we're you thinking?" Regulus smirks.
"Nothing too extreme. I don't want to burn down the castle or anything," Barty snorts. A mischievous smile curls its way onto his lips, a wild gleam comes to life in his eyes. "I want to dye my hair. I hate that I look like him. I want to look like someone I actually love."
"I think I have a hair-dye potion leftover from Dorcas' birthday last year," Regulus says thoughtfully. He always gets Dorcas the same thing every year because she loves it so much, so why change his tune? However, he accidentally bought too much last year and ended up having to keep a bottle or two. He was saving them for her birthday this year, and even has them under a preservation spell currently, but now...
"I don't want to dye all of it," Barty tells him as he sits up. "Maybe just the bottom layer of it, you know?"
"Do you really want to do it? I can help you if you'd like," Regulus offers.
"Yes, I want to," Barty nods, hopping off the bed and heading towards the bathroom. Regulus goes to collect the potion from his trunk, removing the preservation spell on it. When he enters the bathroom, he finds Barty sitting on the closed toilet seat.
"What colour were you thinking?" Regulus questions as he uncorks the bottle.
"Blonde," Barty answers with no hesitation whatsoever.
"Why blonde?"
"Evan's blonde and it looks good on him, so why not?" Barty mumbles with a half-shrug. Regulus pauses and stares down at the boy with a searching gaze. He might be completely wrong here, but he swears Barty's cheeks blush ever so slightly.
"Okay," he replies, not wanting Barty to find the answering silence suspicious. He hands Barty the potion and tells him how much to drink. Then, he gets to work parting Barty's hair into two layers, before tapping his wand to the part of his hair he wants blonde. When he's done, Regulus stands back to admire his work. This is completely insane and nothing like anything he's ever done before, but, crazily, he doesn't think he did a terrible job.
"You're all done," Regulus tells him. Barty stands up, complaining about having a numb arse, and then looks at himself in the mirror.
Regulus made sure the blonde and the brown didn't look too divided, because he thought that might look a bit stupid. He's attempted to part it in a way that looks somewhat natural. The blonde is dirtier than Evan's because Regulus didn't think the white-blonde would work very well with the shade of brown that is Barty's natural hair colour.
"Regulus, it looks great. How did you do that?" Barty asks, sounding shocked. He brings a hand up to his hair as if to check it still feels the same. His eyes are wide as a grin spreads across his face. "I love it. Thank you."
"No problem," Regulus smiles. He unrolls his sleeves from where he had rolled them up his forearms before. "I'm sure Evan will be flattered you decided to look more like him."
This time, Regulus watches as Barty's skin begins to blotch with red. His neck, cheeks and ears. It's sort of adorable to watch and Regulus wonders if Barty has any idea it's even happening. Regulus sort of expects the subject change that comes next, he just doesn't expect Barty's chosen subject to be... what it is.
"Hey, what do you think of Professor Vaughn?" Barty asks, turning to lean back against the sink, now facing Regulus properly rather than through a reflection.
"He's alright, I suppose. A bit too laidback for my liking, but definitely an improvement after Pritchett," Regulus responds, finishing off with his sleeves. "Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I agree with you, he's much better than Pritchett. I don't mind how laidback he is though, it's refreshing honestly. It helps that he's easy on the eyes too." Barty chuckles like he hasn't just said something that warrants the reaction Regulus gives him. Regulus' eyes snap up to meet Barty's.
Surely, he didn't hear that right.
As far as he's concerned, Barty is straight. Or, he thinks he is. Regulus supposes if Evan and Pandora have both seen him with Evan in the future, then he can't be, but it isn't really Regulus' place to assume. He remembers James telling him once that it was rude to out someone without their permission. He assumes it applies in this situation, too. He shouldn't out Barty to Barty - that might send him into a panic.
"Easy on the eyes?" Regulus echoes.
"He's got that bookish nerd thing going for him, you know? I can see why all of the girls are obsessed with him. If I was a girl, I would be, too," Barty smirks and Regulus has to restrain himself from face-palming. He can't believe he used to be as oblivious as this. It seems like years ago now that he was, when in truth it was only a few months ago.
"I suppose," Regulus nods slowly. "I don't know, he sort of reminds me of Remus Lupin."
"Again, if I was a girl," Barty says so nonchalantly, a sly grin curling it's way across his face.
Before Regulus is able to come up with something to say in response - he honestly has no idea what he's supposed to say to that - the door to the dormitory opens. Regulus and Barty exit the bathroom and come face-to-face with a smiling Evan. However, when Evan's eyes land on Barty, his smile drops and something like awe fills is features.
"What did you do?" Evan breathes.
"What do you mean 'what did you do'? Don't you like it?" Barty self-consciously reaches up to run a hand down his hair, a frown pulling at the corner of his lips.
"No! I mean- that isn't-" Evan groans. "I love it. You look... it's really... uhm."
"Really...?" Barty presses.
Evan glances at Regulus, who nods encouragingly, silently telling him to say what he really wants to say even if he is afraid to do it out loud. When Evan's eyes return to Barty, he sighs.
"Really pretty," Evan says so quietly, Regulus almost doesn't hear it. Barty does. He instantly turns bashful, which amuses Regulus. Evan, sensing a shift, clears his throat. "Why blonde?"
Barty's bashfulness melts away almost as soon as it arrived. A cocky grin slithers across his lips. "It looks good enough on you, so, I thought, why not give it a try? As expected, I rock everything."
Evan looks like he's about to faint, the poor thing.
Regulus takes pity on the boy and announces that they should probably be heading off to dinner.
Saturday - 4th October, 1975
Regulus leads his team out onto the Quidditch pitch at ten o'clock on Saturday morning for their first game of the year. His first game as Captain. He had to give a pep talk to his team, something he isn't exactly versed in. Being inspiring isn't one of Regulus' strong suits. It went as well as it could have done and Evan told him afterwards that he thought he did a good job.
The match is against Ravenclaw, so Regulus watches as players decked in blue and bronze spill onto the opposite side of the pitch. At the same time, both teams mount their brooms and take off into the sky. Unfortunately, because Regulus is the Captain now, he is forced to shake the hand of the Ravenclaw Captain - a seventh year girl called Charleigh Edgecombe - before he is allowed to set off on his broom.
When the match starts, Regulus directs his attention to the new players on his team, not yet bothering to look out for the Snitch. He has a better broom than Ravenclaw's Seeker, so if they do happen to spot it first, he has a good chance of catching up. Unless they're on the other side of the pitch, but Regulus knows the Ravenclaw Seeker - Isadora Lincoln, a friend of Pandora's - prefers to linger near her opponent and wait for them to do the actual seeking before sneaking in at the last moment to snatch it herself.
He watches his Keeper first, a second-year named Serena. He hadn't originally been planning to recruit anyone younger than thirteen, preferring experience over skill. Sometimes skill could just be luck, but experience speaks for itself in his opinion. However, he hadn't been expecting Serena, who is one of the most determined Keepers Regulus has ever seen. Her ability to jump from hoop to hoop is brilliant, and her success in stopping the Quaffle from entering said hoops is even better.
She's playing as well as she did in try-outs, which pleases Regulus. He's had the Chasers - mainly Evan, who has been on the team for years, whereas the other two Chasers are new as of this year - practice with Serena a lot over the last couple of weeks. Her skills have already improved slightly from all the practice.
His eyes wander over to where Barty and Violetta are wielding their Beater's bats; Barty is hovering near the Slytherin Chasers, looking prepared to strike if any Bludgers dare come near their team, whilst Violetta is fluttering around the pitch, eyes searching as she watches out for a Bludger to send someone's way. She's absolutely brutal with a bat and Regulus is endlessly grateful that she tried out for the spot. She's someone in his year group, someone he's never bothered speaking to because she used to hang around with idiots like the Carrows and Mulciber, and now she hangs around with idiots like Tonks and Pettigrew. He's heard a bit about her from James, who seems fond enough of her. Regulus doesn't entirely understand how or why a Slytherin suddenly became friends with all of the Gryffindors, as James hasn't yet explained that part to him.
When he finally looks over at his Chasers, he wonders if he made the right decision once again as he watches Rabastan refuse to pass the Quaffle to Evan as he holds his arms to indicate he's open. Just then, a Bludger soars by from Rabastan's left, where the new Ravenclaw Beater - Freida something - just lobbed it his way. It only just manages to miss his head as he zooms past, but Evan has to duck and spin to avoid it, almost not noticing it as he was trying to get Rabastan's attention. Regulus will have to have a word with him about that.
Mika, the third Slytherin Chaser, zips by unnoticed below Rabastan and Evan, something Regulus told her to do because Rabastan tends to get too cocky sometimes and drops the Quaffle. It happens just as he approaches the hoops and, fortunately, Mika is there to grab it. She is off and flying the very second the Quaffle is in her grip, chucking it expertly towards one of the hoops and scoring.
Rabastan's lip curls up angrily as Mika twirls away on her broom, already on her way to retrieve the Quaffle. Evan follows after her, looking pleased with the girl.
Rolling his eyes, Regulus looks away from Rabastan and decides to start watching out for the Snitch. The new commentator - Xenophilius Lovegood - announces that Slytherin are twenty points ahead, fifty to thirty. Regulus told his team to try and get to fifty points as quickly as possible, and only then would he catch the Snitch. He wants them to have at least two-hundred points going into the second round of games, knowing Gryffindor always score plenty of goals each game, enough to get ahead, thanks to James. And Regulus can't even be mad at him for it because he looks so bloody good in his Quidditch uniform, the bastard.
It's strange having a new commentator. Ever since Regulus has played on the Slytherin team, one of the McKinnon brothers held that job. Now, he's apparently graduated, so Regulus has to get used to Xenophilius' approach to the role. He's much more unbiased towards the game, which is especially strange when Regulus takes into account that they're playing against Xenophilius' house. Still, he remains a neutral observer, getting excited whenever either team scores. Another thing that's different from when McKinnon commentated - Xenophilius seems to get distracted a lot. Regulus has to stop himself from sending an odd look towards the commentator box when the boy starts talking about something called a "wrackspurt" that must be "invading Lestrange's ears" because he's been unfocused the entire game. Regulus isn't exactly going to disagree with what Xenophilius is saying, he's completely correct, but he still doesn't know what the fuck a wrackspurt is.
It takes Regulus just over two hours into the game to spot the Snitch. By then, Slytherin are up to one-hundred and forty points, whilst Ravenclaw are at one-hundred and thirty. He takes off, arm extended, prepared to snatch the Snitch out of thin air.
"Regulus!" Barty yells, and Regulus immediately knows what to do just by the tone in Barty's voice. He ducks as close to his broom as he can and spins off-course, which is a bit inconvenient because Isadora Lincoln is on his tail.
The Bludger comes out of nowhere, blasting right past where Regulus' body would have been only a second or two before. Unfortunately for her, the Bludger hits the very end of Isadora's broom. Not enough of an impact to harm her or break her broom completely, but enough to also knock her off-course.
Taking his chance, Regulus angles his broom upwards, towards where the Snitch is still idly hovering. It takes him a second to catch it, gold glitters through the cracks between his fingers. He looks out over the crowd and finds Dorcas and Scarlett cheering (not Pandora because she doesn't like to come to Slytherin versus Ravenclaw games anymore, just in case wherever she ends up sitting looks like favouritism). When his eyes inevitably jump over to the Gryffindor stands, he finds James leaning close to the railing, surrounded by annoyed Gryffindors (probably pissed off that Slytherin won), but James doesn't look mad or disappointed at all. He's smiling subtly enough that only Regulus would be able to spot it. He looks proud.
When he realises Regulus is looking at him, he winks before pushing away from the rail and heading off out of the stands along with the rest of his friends.
Regulus flies down to the ground and watches as Serena and Mika drop down not too far away from him and pull each other into an excited embrace. Both girls grin as they start talking swiftly to one another. Then, at the same time, they turn to look at Regulus and hurry over. They start speaking about the game to him, replaying how "cool" it was when he avoided the Bludger at the end there. Unexpectedly, Regulus feels as a warm fondness grows in his chest as the girls continue to ramble on. It's in the way they look up at him with admiration that gets him.
Maybe being a Captain won't be so bad after all.
***
Sunday - 5th October, 1975
Sirius
It's been a month since they returned to Hogwarts. Time is going fast this year. Sirius feels like it was only last week when the Hogwarts Express came rolling into Hogsmeade Station. During the first week back, Sirius checked in on Bradley. He never did receive another letter back and just assumed his Hufflepuff friend was too busy to respond. Bradley is doing alright, all things considered. Sirius knows how hard it was for him to leave his mother alone after the summer they had, so he has been making sure to check in on him every single week, not wanting his friend to feel alone in his worries.
Sirius is at practice now. James has been training them especially hard this morning after the results of yesterday's Quidditch match. Even though over half of Slytherin's current team are new as of this year, their skills were somehow unmatched. Sirius hates to say it, but Slytherin has a great team this year - it's worse admitting it when he remembers it's a team Regulus Black curated. He's just glad Violetta got the Beater position she wanted, he knew she could do it.
Xeno took up the role as the new Quidditch commentator this year. Sirius found it interesting listening to Xeno describe Astro's techniques throughout the course of the game. He is sure no one else picked up on the underlying cheekiness to Xeno's comments, but Sirius did. He's so happy that Xeno and Astro are finally together. It's been a long time coming.
Today, their practice is later than it usually would be. It's a Sunday, so James had Potions Club earlier on, meaning they had to push practice back to midday. Sirius is aching for some food and he can tell Marlene is, too. They've both been slacking ever since they fell into the second hour of practice, stomachs grumbling, focus decreasing as the minutes tick by. James seems to eventually take notice of this, too, as he calls off practice half-an-hour early and orders them all to grab a bite to eat. He tells them he'll see them on Wednesday morning, which is when their next practice session is.
They have their first match on the first day of November, it will be against Hufflepuff, so James has been trying to use the two months before the match to get in as much training as possible, particularly with the new recruits. Sirius and Frank have been put in charge of making sure Angel's flying has improved. Sirius is good at getting along with the younger students, he blames it on his charm, of course. Meanwhile, Frank is probably the fastest flier on the team, so he shows Angel techniques on how to increase your speed whilst also managing to accurately pass the Quaffle to your intended destination. Just like he is, Angel is a Chaser, so Frank spends more time with her than Sirius does.
As they land on the ground and start making their way over to the changing rooms, Sirius falls into step beside Marlene. They're behind everyone else, so Sirius takes this as the perfect opportunity to tease her about her crush on a certain Slytherin girl.
"I'm not doing this with you today," Marlene grumbles as she starts to walk faster. Her blonde ponytail swishes behind her like some kind of whip warning Sirius to back off. He doesn't.
"Still obsessed then?" Sirius snickers when Marlene swats him.
"I am not obsessed with her," Marlene huffs. "It's just... hormones. And, you know, she is... I mean, I'm not bloody blind, okay? She isn't ugly."
"That's the understatement of the century, Marls. She's gorgeous."
"Whose side are you on?" Marlene stops and puts her hands on her hips, eyes narrowed.
"Yours, beautiful. Always," Sirius affirms, raising his hands in mock surrender. He smirks. "But you have to admit, she is gorgeous."
Marlene rolls her eyes. "Yes, well, snakes can be pretty creatures until they bite you."
"What's wrong with being bitten?" Sirius winks.
"You somehow manage to disgust me more and more with each passing day," Marlene says with a blank expression on her face.
"Thank you," Sirius responds dramatically.
"Is that what you and Jess get up to then? You go around munching on each other," Marlene snorts. She starts walking again, so Sirius follows.
"No, Jess is more... soft," Sirius explains. "He's a gentle lover."
"And now I'm going to go throw up in your bag," Marlene tells him before throwing open the door to the changing rooms. They continue to talk as they move through it, passing where James is busy changing into a new shirt. "So, you and Jess are getting serious then?"
"I'm always Sirius," he grins. She hits him again.
"You're actually insufferable."
"Again, thank you. But to answer your question, yes, we are getting serious."
"He steal your innocence yet?" Marlene asks as they come to a stop right in front of the doorway to the girls' changing rooms.
"No, I'm not sixteen yet," Sirius says.
"How noble of him," Marlene utters sarcastically. "Alright, go shower. You stink."
"Always a pleasure, Marls," Sirius chuckles. Marlene salutes him before entering the girls' changing rooms.
The boys finish up in the changing room first, so the three of them head up to the castle. Sirius' hair is still a bit wet after his shower, so it leaves a damp trail on his shoulders, causing a shiver to rush up his spine. He is grateful for the warmth the castle brings as they arrive.
They meet up with Peter and Remus in the Great Hall for lunch. Remus has been acting odd ever since they returned. He keeps avoiding Sirius. At first, he thought Remus was just avoiding everyone - because that's what Remus told him. He blamed it on being homesick. But since then, Sirius has noticed that, whilst Remus has been acting quieter than usual around everyone else, he hasn't been outright avoiding them like he is Sirius.
He doesn't know what he's done wrong. It must be something. He knows Remus. He knows he wouldn't be ignoring him for no reason.
Sirius just needs to figure out what it is he did.
He doesn't even know where to start.
The place next to Peter is empty, so Sirius sits down there, trying to catch Remus' eye, who is sat on the opposite side of the table. However, the boy looks more interested in staring at the steam coiling out of his cup of tea than he does in acknowledging Sirius' existence. James drops down into the seat next to Remus, followed by Frank, and pats him on the back. Remus smiles at him.
Why doesn't Sirius get a smile?
Deciding to give up on his mission to get Remus to notice him, knowing it's a futile one right now, he turns to Pete.
Peter looks angry.
"What's wrong?" Sirius asks, knocking their shoulders together.
"Benji is being a prick," Peter says emotionlessly. He flicks a crumb off his plate and watches as it flies across the table.
"What?" Sirius blinks.
"They got into a fight," Remus says. When Sirius turns to him, he finds that Remus is still not looking at him.
"Why?" Frank asks, sounding concerned.
"Because I told him I'm not planning on pursuing art after Hogwarts anymore. I'm going to follow in my father's footsteps and join the Ministry," Peter explains with a shrug. "Benji thinks my parents are forcing me to 'drop my dream' and be their little pet," he scoffs. "Which is just insulting. I do have a backbone and my own opinions. It's as if he thinks I just do whatever they say all the time."
Sirius doesn't think it would be a wise time to mention that Peter does, in fact, do whatever his parents tell him to. Most of the time anyway. He's too much of a mama's boy to not listen to his mother - not that Sirius can talk - and his father is a very stern man who's always focused on getting Peter to be more like him. Peter is always trying his very best to impress his father, following him into the Ministry would be the perfect way to do that.
Still, Sirius knows Peter doesn't want to hear any of that right now. One look at the boy tells Sirius his friend is feeling very stressed out about this whole situation, and angry. When Peter gets angry, he does things he tends to regret later on. For example, he'll lash out at people who are trying to do what they think is best for him, to help him. He doesn't mean to, Sirius knows that. He's just... passionate. Stubborn, too. He doesn't like admitting when he's wrong, but then again who does?
Sirius doesn't even notice when Violetta joins them at the table, too busy trying to figure out how to respond to what Peter has said.
"I know Benji's response probably isn't the one you were expecting-" He starts.
"Yeah, no shit," Peter huffs.
"-but," Sirius stresses that word, causing Peter to look up at him and actually listen, "he wasn't trying to upset you. He would never try and purposefully hurt you, you know that. I'm sure he just thought he was being helpful."
"Well, he wasn't," Peter crosses his arms.
"Right," Sirius nods, keeping his opinions to himself. "But he didn't know that. So, you should tell him, nicely, that this is the decision you're making because it is the right one for you. He loves you, Pete, he just wants you to be happy."
Peter softens slightly, and Sirius thinks the matter is over, but then Violetta chimes in.
"I sort of get Fenwick's point," she says, picking up a grape and tossing it into her mouth. Her table manners have ceased to exist ever since she started surrounding herself with Gryffindors. Sirius believes that may be his fault.
Peter glares at her. He never did warm up to her, not like the rest of them did. Even Marlene has grown fond of Violetta over the last year. But Peter hasn't ever trusted her.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Peter snaps.
"Well, you've been going on and on about how you want to be an artist since, what, second year? I don't really remember when I hear things, just what I hear. My point is, you've wanted to be an artist for years and years, and now you're suddenly changing your mind because your father told you he wanted you to be a copy of him? Sounds a bit controlling if you ask me," she shrugs.
"I didn't ask you," Peter retorts. He stands up and is out of his chair in a second. The boys each call after him, but he ignores them as he storms out of the Great Hall.
Sirius turns to Violetta. "Why did you say all of that?"
"I was just saying what you were too afraid to say," she responds. "He should be able to handle the truth. If he's going to have a tantrum about it, then he isn't ready for the world that's waiting out there, which means he doesn't need to stress about what job he's going to have when he gets there."
Sirius frowns, but he doesn't reply. He knows she's right. Peter can act a bit petulant when he doesn't get his way. Sirius is like that, too, it's why they understand each other so well.
"I should go after him," he says as he begins to rise out of his chair. He's stopped by a hand on his arm and when he snaps his head back to see who it is, he pauses.
Remus tenses and then pulls his hand back to his side of the table. "You should let him cool off first. Give him a minute."
"But I-"
"Sirius, sit down," Remus tuts.
Sirius sits.
They decide to go up to the common room to wait Peter out instead, but their plan is ruined when they reach the fifth floor and James is almost knocked to the ground as someone comes crashing into him. Luckily, Frank and Sirius manage to catch them both before they drop.
"Sirius... help... dorm..." Peter pants as he bends over and rests his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He was the person who crashed into James.
"What?" Sirius frowns.
"Tiny... TINY bed. Been... pranked..." He makes a squeak-like noise and then drops to the floor.
"Alright, Pete, just breathe," Frank tells him, reaching out to help him off the floor. "Are you trying to tell us you got pranked?"
"With tiny beds?" Remus asks, his tone confused.
"Was someone throwing tiny beds at you or something?" James adds.
"No!" Peter yells. "Follow me." He stomps off towards the staircase and, when he notices they aren't following him yet, he shouts, "Come on then!"
They hurry to join him and then it's a race back to Gryffindor Tower. When they arrive there, Sirius understands what Peter was going on about. Where Peter's bed should have been, there's a very tiny, toy-sized version of it.
"What the fuck?"
"What did you do to your bed, Peter?"
"Don't do it to mine."
"It wasn't me!" Peter yells hysterically. "All I did was lie on it and it started to shrink! We've been pranked. We must have been."
They all stare at him, except for Remus, who walks up to his own bed, touches it, and then watches as it begins to shrink. Sirius, wanting to test it out, touches his bedside table, wondering if it's only the beds. It takes five seconds before his bedside table becomes fit for a doll's house.
"Well, shit," Sirius mutters, putting his hands on his hips. "Did they get everything then?"
"We'll only know if we test it," James says. He touches his own bed, which copies what Remus' just did only moments before.
"No one touch my record player," Remus commands before they all start rushing around and touching things. Everything they touch shrinks. Well, almost everything. James' cloak is fine for some reason - maybe the Slytherins (because Sirius knows it was them) didn't find it. The map is also fine, but that's because Remus had it on him. Their toothbrushes have been left alone, but that's all. Everything else - including the bathtub, the toilet, the sink - has been cursed.
"Where are we going to sleep?" Frank questions, looking put-out.
"I'm sure Alice would let you bunk with her," James snorts. "We can levitate you up the stairs if you'd like?"
"The girls would hate that," Frank chuckles.
"No, they wouldn't. It'd probably be the best option. It isn't like we can go to McGonagall about this. Alright, so sleeping arrangements." James claps his hands together, going into Captain-mode. "Frank, you bunk in with the girls if they say it's alright. Sirius, I assume Jess wouldn't mind you joining him tonight?"
"I'll have to ask, but I don't see why not," Sirius shrugs.
"Okay, good. Peter..." James winces and Sirius already knows he was about to suggest Peter bunk up with Benji. "Maybe Azalia will let you share her bed. Remus-"
"I'll ask Lily," he nods.
"Good. So, that just leaves me..." James sighs. "I could ask Mary, I suppose."
"And if the girls don't let us?" Remus raises his eyebrow.
"Then, we'll just have to make do in Godric's room or something. There's a couch," James shrugs.
"Yeah, one," Peter huffs.
They go on a search for the girls and find Azalia and Alice in the common room. They both say Frank and Peter are welcome to share with them.
"I'm sure Lily wouldn't mind either, Remus," Alice smiles kindly. She turns to James and gives him a pitying look. "Mary invited Emmeline over to the dorm tonight. We were originally going to have a girls' night."
"I'm gay, I'll fit right in," Peter says, waving a hand through the air. Alice laughs.
"Do you think Marlene would let me share?" James asks, looking a bit panicked now at the prospect of having nowhere to sleep.
"Probably, but she's a kicker," Azalia replies with a grimace. "You'll be as bruised as a peach when morning comes."
"Great," James sighs. "Maybe I'll just sleep in Godric's room by myself."
"You know what," Sirius says, catching everyone's attention. "I'll go down there with you, James. We can have a 'just us' sleepover, yeah?" He grins. James perks up and nods.
"Yeah, if you're sure."
"Eh, I can sneak into Jess' bed anytime I want," Sirius smirks. "Plus, I'm small, so we'll both fit on the couch fine."
"Alright," James agrees.
When night falls upon them, the boys split up into two groups. Sirius and James laugh as Remus gets bombarded by the girls, who all tell him they're going to get him to try a face mask. Sirius is sad he'll be missing that. Frank and Peter both look excited at the prospect, unlike Remus who stares blankly down at Lily like he's waiting for her to tell him she's joking.
James and Sirius are quick to make it to Godric's room. It's a nice night, they spend most of it talking about Quidditch and Jess, also wondering what the girls might be doing to Remus right about now.
Monday - 6th October, 1975
The next morning, he and James have to wake up earlier than usual because they need to go to the public bathroom to get ready for the day. They wash themselves as efficiently as they can in the sinks and make sure their teeth are clean. Sirius sorts out his hair and is grateful he had a shower yesterday morning before their shower was shrunk, so his hair isn't greasy yet.
They make it to the Great Hall before the rest of their friends do, so Sirius makes up a plate for himself and Remus, wanting to make sure the chocolate chip pancakes don't run out before Remus makes it down here.
He slides the plate across the table, assuming Remus will end up filling the empty space there when he comes down. When Sirius looks up finally, he finds James watching him with a curious look.
"What?"
"Nothing," James shrugs before taking a sip of his pumpkin juice. It's a minute before he speaks again. "It's just... It was sweet of you to make up a plate for Remus."
"You know how he is when he doesn't get some chocolate in him before first period," Sirius snorts. His smile falters slightly when he notices James examining him silently. "What, James? Do I have something on my face?"
"No," James shakes his head. "Hey, what does Jess usually eat for breakfast?"
"I don't know. Toast, maybe?" Sirius frowns at the random topic change. His answer seems to amuse James, who appears to work hard to stop a smile from spreading across his face.
"Well, he's got good taste," James says, raising his own jam-covered toast in the air.
Sirius is very confused. Why is James acting so strangely?
Before Sirius has a chance to ask him if he's alright - maybe he didn't get enough sleep; they were a bit cramped on the couch together last night - Mary drops down into the seat beside Sirius and squeezes him into a hug.
"Oh, hello, Macdonald," Sirius chuckles, awkwardly patting her shoulder. "What's up?"
"Please, take them back," she whines as she pulls away from him. "I have earned new respect for you and James."
"Who are you talking about?"
"Remus and Peter."
"What did those two do?" James laughs.
"Remus moves an ungodly amount in his sleep, so Lily ended up bunking in with me and Emmeline," she widens her eyes to show the severity of this. "And Peter snores louder than my dad!"
"Be lucky you weren't stuck with Sirius, he talks in his sleep," James says, earning himself a shove from Sirius.
"Yeah, well," Sirius tries to come up with some sort of comeback, but finds none. James usually chucks up a silencing charm before he goes to bed. Sirius has always assumed it has something to do with his nightmares, but he's never asked. "You sing terribly in the shower," he eventually settles on.
"So do you," James retorts.
Sirius gasps. "Blasphemy. I have the voice of an angel."
"You actually do, I can't even argue with you there, Pads," James sighs. Just then, Remus and Peter arrive, sitting across from James and Sirius. He watches as Remus notices the plate already made for him on the table, a bemused grin brightening the boy's face. When he glances up, he meets Sirius' eyes, who smiles hopefully.
Please, don't look away.
Stop avoiding me, Moony.
To his relief, Remus smiles back and then starts to dig into the pile of pancakes on his plate. The rest of the girls and Frank eventually make their way down to the hall, too. Lily has dark eyebags under her eyes, which only make her glowing green eyes look brighter. Marlene looks well-rested, so do Frank and Alice. Azalia looks ready to murder Peter, if the glare she cuts him from across the table is anything to go by.
"We're never having a sleepover on a school night ever again," Lily grumbles, dropping down into the empty spot on James' other side.
"Have you guys checked to see if your room is back to normal yet?" Alice asks the group.
"Not yet," Sirius answers. "We're going to have a look at lunch. It would have been at least twenty-four hours by then, and that's usually when their pranks end."
"If it hasn't been reversed by tonight, I will personally go to McGonagall and tell her that I did it if it means I get a peaceful night of sleep," Azalia says in a voice verging on manic. Sirius learns then that he should never mess with someone's sleep schedule, not unless he wants them to be pissed off for the next day.
Actually.
That's not a bad idea.
"I think I might have an idea for how we can get them back," he whispers so that only James, Peter and Remus can hear him. "Meeting later." The three boys nod and then lean back in their seats.
When the morning post arrives, the members of the Slug Club that are currently present each receive an envelope, identical to the ones they got last year. Without even having to open them, they all know what the letters will say.
"Old Sluggy's having another party then," Sirius notes as he unceremoniously tears through the envelope.
"A 'Halloween Bash' you mean," James quotes, reading his own letter. "The twenty-fifth. Bit later than last year."
"Good," Sirius says, placing his letter on the table. "I don't want to have to spend mine and Jess' anniversary with Slughorn," he grimaces.
"Oh, that's right. You're coming up on a year now, aren't you?" Alice asks from across the table where she's sitting between Remus and Frank. Remus looks uncomfortable for some reason.
"Yep," Sirius grins proudly. "Just a couple of weeks."
"Have you said 'I love you' yet?" Frank questions.
"Uhm... no," Sirius admits. Should they have? Do people usually say it after a year of being together? Sirius isn't sure he feels... that yet. He likes Jess, a lot. Cares about him more than he originally thought he would. But love? Sirius isn't sure what that feels like, but he doesn't think it's what he feels for Jess. Not yet anyway.
"There's no rush, you're still young," Mary tells him with a shrug.
Sirius deflates with relief at Mary's words. She's right, he is still young. His first love is a big deal, there's no rush.
Still, something inside of him drops heavily to the bottom of his stomach. It feels like dread.
At lunch, the boys check on their room and find that all of their things that had warped in size the day before have now been returned to normal. They test this out by touching a few things, a bed or two, but it seems like the spell has worn off. Thank goodness. As much as Sirius loves James, he wasn't looking forward to the possibility of having to be squished up against him for another whole night.
After lunch, Sirius has a free period and then Muggle Studies. Usually, Sirius will sit with James in Muggle Studies and Peter will sit with Benji, but because the two are in a fight, James offers to sit next to Benji instead, leaving Sirius and Peter to sit together. Sirius attempts to ask Peter about how he's doing with all of that, but Peter shuts him down almost instantly, saying he doesn't want to talk about it just yet. Sirius imagines it has something to do with the fact that Benji is sitting not too far away and can probably hear them; that, or Peter is still feeling sensitive over what Violetta said yesterday.
He has Potions next, which he heads to with James since Peter has a free period and isn't in their Potions class this year. Sirius always finds himself looking forward to Potions these days because it's the only times when Remus will speak to him enough for it to qualify as a conversation. Also, Sirius hasn't provoked Regulus Black once this year, even though he sits directly behind him in Potions, and next to James no less. Sirius is very proud of himself - maybe he's finally maturing.
They've been working on veritaserum since last week. They are supposed to be testing their potions this lesson. Slughorn has demanded that they only drink half a drop, so that the potion will last for a single question before it's out of their systems. Sirius isn't sure what he's going to ask Remus. He was thinking about inquiring on the truth behind Remus' avoidance, but that seems a bit like taking advantage of the opportunity. Clearly, Remus doesn't want to tell him the truth. Obviously that does bother him, but he has to respect his friend's decision.
He wonders what Remus will ask him.
When he and James enter the classroom, their brewing partners are both already sitting down at their respective tables. Remus is half-turned on his chair, enough for Black to be in his speaking range. Sirius knows they have rounds together sometimes because they're both Prefects. He has no idea what the two would talk about, or if they talk at all. He imagines that's something he would know if Remus was talking to him.
Slughorn ends up spending the first half of the lesson yapping about the instructions. Sirius thinks he's just dragging it out because he's nervous one of them will fuck up. His money is on Wilkes or Alecto Carrow.
When they are finally ordered to test out their potions, Sirius goes to retrieve his and Remus' from the back of the classroom. Black goes, too, instead of James. Sirius could say something, but he doesn't. Instead, he grabs his potion, looks at Black for a moment and hesitates, but eventually decides not to provoke him and heads back to his own table. It's more satisfying watching as surprise and confusion takes over the Slytherin's features - he probably thought Sirius would try and start an argument or something.
Something Sirius is pissed off about - something he's going to let himself be petty about - is this: Regulus Black came back this year taller than Sirius. It's been a point of pride for Sirius that, after all these years, he's always been a bit taller than his rival, just by half an inch, but still.
And now?
Black must be an inch taller.
The bastard.
Sirius hates it.
But he's mature now, so mature, so he won't say anything about it. He won't. Nope. Look at him being mature.
He puts the potion down on the table with a bit more strength than he means to. Remus jumps and looks up at him with raised eyebrows.
"Sorry. Distracted," Sirius murmurs. "So, who's going first?"
"Me, let's get this over with," Remus replies. He grabs the pipette and measures out a drop, then allows half of it to leak back out into their vial. He squeezes out the other half onto his tongue and closes his mouth. "Alright, hit me," he says, looking nervous.
"Hmm... ooh, okay! Who is your favourite out of James and Lily?"
"Neither. I love them both equally," Remus responds without any hesitation whatsoever.
"Aw," Sirius coos. He turns on his seat to grin at James, who is smirking like he just did something cheeky. When Sirius glances at Black, he finds the boy with his arms crossed, red in the face like he's angry. He looks back at James. "You hear that, Prongs? Remus loves you."
"Aw, how sweet," James giggles, reaching forward to poke Remus' arm.
"Get off," Remus swats him away. "It's your turn now," he says to Sirius, smirking.
"Be nice. I gave you an easy one," Sirius tells him, pointing a finger at the boy.
"Yeah, alright. Bottoms up," Remus announces, passing Sirius his veritaserum dose.
"Go on then," Sirius says once he's accepted his dose.
Remus considers what he's going to ask him for a moment, leaving Sirius to sit there anxiously. He doesn't know why he's so nervous. It isn't like Remus knows the one thing Sirius could never tell him, that he used to fancy him. He shouldn't be worried. He trusts Remus.
But then, Remus asks him the one thing that could ruin everything.
"Why were you so eager to get Mary to set you up with someone last year?"
Sirius' brain malfunctions, but his lips begin to move. Panic seems to settle in and, somehow, he manages to somewhat control the truth that tumbles out of his mouth.
"I was trying to get over someone and Mary told me the best way to do that was to date someone else," he says in a rush.
Remus' eyes widen like he wasn't expecting that answer, and Sirius can't really blame him. It's not like he ever mentioned having a crush to Remus last year, since his crush was on Remus. He hopes Slughorn was right and the potion did fade off by now, because Remus appears to have more questions.
"Get over someone? Who?"
"Ah, potion's up, Moony," Sirius smirks, trying to cover his panic with a careless exterior. He lets his legs swing back and forth. "Now you'll never know."
Remus frowns harder, but he doesn't ask Sirius who again.
It isn't long until the lesson ends and they return back to Gryffindor Tower for an hour before dinner. Remus and Sirius don't speak a word the entire time.
That evening, Sirius and Jess cosy up on one of the armchairs by the fire in the common room. They have never really bothered with hiding their relationship. If anyone has any opinions about them, Sirius isn't shy about telling them how he doesn't give a shit about what they say, and neither is Jess. Besides, Gryffindors are mostly an unbiased bunch, so they rarely have any problems in their common room.
Remus, James and Azalia are on the couch only a couple of feet away from where Jess and Sirius are sitting. They're working on some homework that Sirius isn't going to bother worrying about until the weekend.
"I can't believe it's nearly been a year," Jess mumbles against Sirius' cheek.
"I know. You've spent a year with this ugly mug on purpose," Sirius says with a laugh.
"You must be joking," Jess proclaims, moving back to stare at Sirius incredulously. "You're beautiful and you know it."
"I do know it, I just wanted to hear you say it," Sirius shrugs, grinning as Jess shakes his head, pretending to be exasperated.
"What am I going to do with you, eh, Tonksy?" He asks, moving in again. Sirius feels as a smile stretches across his face when Jess' lips start to press against the skin of his neck.
"Hey, lovebirds, tryna focus over here," James chuckles. He throws a quill at them, which hits Jess directly in the cheek. He pulls away from Sirius and smiles bashfully at Sirius' three friends who are all staring at the two of them with matching expressions of tiredness. Azalia looks faintly disgusting, James vaguely amused, and Remus... he looks a bit ill. Sirius assumes it has something to do with the moon. It's still not for a couple of weeks, but sometimes the symptoms settle in early.
"I still don't understand why you couldn't just study in the library," Sirius remarks.
"Lily's there with Snape and she would have made us sit with them," Azalia states with a grimace.
"Oh, understandable," Jess says, nodding.
Sirius grins and leans in to peck him on the lips.
"Still trying to focus over here," James mumbles. He turns to look at Remus and then back down at his work.
"Sorry, we'll stop now," Sirius laughs. He rests his head on Jess' shoulder and allows himself to settle in here. When he opens his eyes, they instantly jump over to Remus, who is rubbing one of his eyes like he's tired. Then, confirming Sirius' thoughts, he yawns, looking so soft as he does. He stretches and when he relaxes again, his eyes meet Sirius'.
Feeling like he's done something wrong, Sirius averts his eyes. When he looks up again, he sees Remus whisper something to James before getting up and taking his things with him.
When everyone is tucked away in bed, hidden behind their bedcurtains, Sirius tiptoes over to Peter's bed. He hasn't done this for a while, snuck over to one of the other boys' beds. He hasn't felt the need to. Tonight he does.
Peter instantly pulls the covers back, welcoming Sirius inside. They lie next to each other, facing each other in the dark. Sirius throws up a silencing charm and mutters the words he's wanted to for weeks to someone other than himself.
"Have you noticed Remus acting strange recently?" He speaks quietly, even though none of the other boys can hear him with the silencing charm up. It still feels like something he should whisper, something he shouldn't ask out loud.
Peter's eyes widen and then drop to the mattress below them. He clears his throat and says, "He's been a bit quieter, sure, but he's just homesick."
Sirius wants to argue, wants to yell that that can't be right. Something is wrong. Remus isn't talking to him. He's avoiding him, and Sirius misses him. He really misses him.
He doesn't say any of that.
Maybe he's going delusional. Perhaps he's just reading too much into nothing.
But there's a part of him that knows something is wrong, and he can't ignore it. Remus is his best friend, shouldn't that mean something?
Sirius wants it to mean something.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Regulus knows Remus is a werewolf! I find it so cute how protective he felt over Remus, even though they weren't really friends at the time. Like. He's just a sweetheart who really cares, and I love that.
- The moonwater friendship has begun whooo they're literally my favourites (yes, I say this about everyone, but can you really blame me?) Also, I go feral for smoker Regulus, so this will become a thing :D
- oof... Regulus isn't searching for Andy anymore 😬 I know a lot of you are going to be disappointed by this. Just know that sometimes, when we stop looking for things, they end up finding us instead (look at me trying to be all inspirational😭)
- Poor Barty is going through it. It's safe to say that his dad fucking sucks and should rot in Tartarus :)
- Barty: I want to look like someone I love. Also Barty: I'm gonna go blonde because it looks good on Evan. (Why is he so oblivious?) Regulus is so done with him rn.
- Captain Reg <3
- Sirius and Marlene <3 Him teasing her about Dorcas is so funny to me - this will happen more often because I say so :)
- "Sirius, sit down", 'Sirius sits' - I copied this from ootp because that moment was so gay, jkr is so dumb.
- Benji and Peter are fighting :/
- I don't know if that prank was any good, but I'm slowly running out of ideas here aha
- VERITASERUM - I love how Sirius was like "I won't take advantage of this moment" and asked him the most innocent question ever, but then Remus goes and asks him the worst question ever.
- I'm so impatient. I just want wolfstar to hurry up and get their shit together. I know you guys all want it to happen, too. We're getting really close, I promise. Just try and hold on for a bit longer <3
- Sirius is starting to freak out over Remus completely ignoring him... uhm... this will come back in a few chapters. Let's just say, Sirius is going to have a lil rebel era in the near future 👍Happy New Year's everyone! Thank you so so so much for all the support and the love you've given to me and this fic over the last year. I literally appreciate all of you and look forward to your comments every single week. You're all amazing and I hope you have the best start to 2025 (hopefully it'll go better than this year did 😬). If you haven't already, check out my tiktok and tumblr, as I post about this fic and other Marauders content on there (account name: starsarestories). I'll see you next year!
-Rue :)
Chapter 60: Fifth Year: Forbidden Moons and Racing Hearts
Summary:
Remus has a run-in with Snape. The marauders and Lily have their first moon in the forest. James and Regulus stuff.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of death (a child)
-implied seizure
-nightmare
-brief mention of blood/injuries
-brief mention of CA scars
-fear of hurting people mentionedLet me know if I left anything out :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A sky full of stars and he was staring at her
~ Atticus
Monday - 13th October, 1975
Remus
When the day's lessons come to an end, Remus heads back to the Gryffindor common room. He's hoping to get in an hour of studying before they have to go down for dinner. James, Sirius, Frank, Marlene and Azalia are at Quidditch practice right now - Mary and Peter went down to watch them. Remus can't think why that would be entertaining for them, but then again who is he to judge which part of Quidditch may or may not be entertaining?
Lily went off with Snape after Potions, so Remus expected to be alone when he entered the common room after class. To his surprise, he found Alice, who asked if he could help her out with their Ancient Runes homework.
The reason Remus wanted to spend his spare hour between the end of lessons and dinner studying was because he hasn't been able to get the image of Sirius and Jess snogging in the middle of the common room yesterday out of his head. It's annoying and it's... weird. He doesn't want to feel as jealous as he does, doesn't want to wish he was in Jess' position... He shouldn't be thinking these things about his best friend, but he can't help it.
So, he had been hoping to bury himself in his studies, but now Alice needs his help, which means he won't be able to tune out of reality like he'd wanted to.
Around half-an-hour into him helping her out, she turns to him with a concerned furrow to her brow.
"Are you alright? You look a bit peaky," she says softly before reaching up to gently check his temperature with the back of her hand. She frowns. "You're very warm, Remus."
"Moon's in a week," he mumbles. Once upon a time, it scared him that so many of his friends knew about his furry little problem, but it's times like these when he's both grateful and relieved that they understand why he feels so terrible all the time.
Alice smiles knowingly and then stands up and starts packing their things away.
"What are you doing?" Remus asks, looking up at her in confusion.
"Come on, we're going for a walk. Some fresh air will do you a lot of good," she tells him, smiling. Alice has that maternal quality about her, something that reminds Remus of his mother and Effie. It's the reason he instantly listens to her and gets up, too. They send their things up to their rooms and then leave the tower.
Remus lets Alice lead the way, not having a particular path he'd like to take ready in his mind. At first, he thinks Alice is taking him to the greenhouses, but they pass those and carry on walking. This part of the grounds is downhill and heads towards a part of the lake that runs through the Forbidden Forest. When they arrive at the treeline, Alice changes course and starts walking towards the part of the lake that flows away from the forest and onto the grounds.
They stop as soon as they arrive at the water. Alice drops to the floor, sitting on a collapsed tree trunk, which looks like it's been abandoned there for years, it's leaves completely gone. Remus joins her, sitting down on a part of the trunk that doesn't look too uncomfortable.
Somehow sensing that silence isn't something Remus needs right now, Alice begins to talk.
"How come you don't like Quidditch?"
Remus isn't expecting the random question, but he dutifully answers, knowing that if he doesn't then the silence will return.
"I didn't grow up flying, and when I finally got the chance to... it freaked me out. It's not the heights that I have a problem with, it's the lack of control. People say the flier is the one in control, but they're wrong. Brooms are run by magic, and magic has a mind of it's own."
"That makes sense," Alice nods. "I don't like it very much either, though my reason's a little different to yours."
"What's your reason?" Remus asks, not looking at her. His eyes are settled on the water, tracing where the trees of the forest reflect on it's surface, stretching out like possessive arms.
"My youngest cousin died during a flying accident," Alice says quietly. Remus turns to her, feeling as his expression drops into one of surprise. "It's why I worry whenever Frank goes out onto that pitch. Azalia and the others, too. I was there when it happened."
"How old were they?" Remus finds himself asking.
"Five," she smiles sadly. "I was six, but there were only a few months between us, so he would have been in our year at school."
"I'm sorry. That never should have happened, to him or to you," he murmurs. Remus isn't great with death - he hasn't ever experienced it before. The closest he's ever come to knowing a person who has died, is Marie's mam. But she didn't die, she just disappeared. In a way, it felt like a death.
"Yes, well, it is what it is, I suppose." Alice frowns as soon as the words have slipped past her lips, and Remus gets the impression that those weren't her words, just something she's repeating because she's heard it countless times before. "The reason I brought it up is because I wanted to make a point. It terrifies me to watch more people I love do what killed my cousin, but I can't live my life being afraid of this forever, not without being unfair. I can't hide from it, or pretend it doesn't exist. It's scary, but it's life." She meets his eye. "I know it's scary, Remus, but you should try and talk to Sirius. He's one of your best friends and I've noticed how you've stopped talking to him this year, and it's affecting him. I don't know what's happened between you two, but it can't be so terrible that he deserves to be unacknowledged by his best friend. It's unfair."
Remus' lips part in surprise. He didn't think anyone had noticed his avoidance. Sirius had asked him about it weeks ago, but Remus gave him some half-arsed excuse about being homesick, and Sirius had bought it. Or, at least, Remus thought he did.
"I know," he sighs, dropping his head into his hands, his elbows are digging into his knees. "I'm just really tired, Alice."
"And that's okay, sweetheart," she whispers kindly. She reaches forward and tucks a piece of hair behind his ear, meanwhile keeping eye contact. Her gaze is full of understanding and earnestness as she speaks. "Being tired is alright, but don't shut out the people who can help you with that. Sirius is your friend, let him help you. He's reaching for you, but it's a two-way street. You have to put in your effort, too, and let him pull."
Just as Remus is about to answer, a twig snaps somewhere behind him. His head whips around and, much to his disgust, he notices Snape approaching them. Lily is at the boy's side, staring down at the ground as she steps over the uneven pebbles, like she's afraid she might trip if she looks up for even a second.
"I have no idea why she's still friends with him," Alice whispers, quiet enough that only Remus could hear her. "He called Mary a- well, you know the word. He called her that the other day in the corridor. Of course, Lily wasn't around, so he thought he could get away with it. He's a horrid boy."
Remus grunts in agreement before standing up. Snape and Lily approach them just as Alice gets up to join Remus' side. Remus glares down at the horrible Slytherin boy. Lily deserves so much better than this slime ball.
"What are you doing here, Snape? Get lost," Remus orders, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder.
"Remus," Lily hisses, eyes wide.
"You don't need to defend my honour, Lily," Snape grumbles in that depressing voice of his. "I'm sure Lupin here is just in a bad mood because it's his time of the month."
He doesn't mean to, but Remus physically reacts to Snape's words. His body tenses, shoulders stiffening and ears pricking up. Snape could just be making a joke - a sexist one at that - or he could be referencing Remus' actual time of the month. But how on earth would Snape know? Remus is certain Lily wouldn't tell him, and Dumbledore has been careful to hide what Remus truly is from the rest of the school.
"Severus, that isn't very nice," Lily scolds the boy, who doesn't look regretful in the least.
"Yeah, Severus, that wasn't very nice. It wasn't very nice what you called Mary the other day either, was it?" Remus steps forward, watching as his own shadow falls over the sallow boy. Snape isn't short, but beside Remus anyone could look small.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Lupin," Snape snaps. His eyes jump hurriedly to Lily but then skip back over to Remus, hatred burns in his gaze. "I thought headaches and an increased appetite was all you got, but clearly I was mistaken. Delusion is a side effect of your peculiar ailment, too. Tell me, Lupin," Snape steps forward, something deadly shining in his eyes, like he knows all of Remus' deepest and darkest secrets and is about to reveal them to the world. Remus feels as his own anxiety begins to grow. "What do you think everyone would call you if they knew what you-"
"Remus!"
He isn't sure if it's Alice or Lily who calls his name, or maybe it's both. Before he knows it, he's losing consciousness and dropping to the rough pebbles below. It only takes a second or two before the world around him is inked out with black.
When Remus wakes, he's in the infirmary. He knows where he is before he even opens his eyes. The scent of healing potions and the clean sheets on the hospital bed below him give it away. When he does finally blink his eyes open, he notices he isn't alone. James and Peter are curled up on two armchairs beside Remus' bed, both fast asleep. When Remus looks out of the window that sits on the opposite wall, he realises it's pitch-black outside, which means it must be night time.
He relaxes back into his pillows and takes a deep breath as he attempts to gather his thoughts. It doesn't take him very long to remember how he got here. Bloody Snape.
Remus hasn't had a seizure in months, it's been his longest run without one since he was four. It's probably because he hasn't been stressed out about a moon since last January. Now that he's got his friends with him during the full moons, he looks forward to them. It might sound crazy, he still has to go through a lot of pain every moon, but it's one of his favourite parts of every month.
Something moves on Remus' left, the other side of the bed to where James and Peter are sitting. Remus turns and finds Sirius, who is sitting on a stool, but the top half of his body is draped over the edge of Remus' mattress, like he fell asleep there whilst he was waiting for Remus to wake up or something.
Remus allows himself a moment to simply stare down at the boy. He watches as Sirius' eyelashes flutter, his lips part around a gentle sigh, his cheeks a warm pink. His hand twitches, catching Remus' attention, and when he looks back at Sirius' face, the other boy is watching him back.
Sirius sits up with a yawn, stretching and then cracking his neck. It probably hurts because of the odd angle he had it at when he was sleeping.
"Moony," Sirius whispers.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Remus says quietly, not wanting to wake up the other two sleeping boys, too.
"No, it's okay. I'm glad you're finally up," Sirius tells him. Then, before Remus can even blink, Sirius is crawling into the bed beside him. It's something he's been doing since first year, something that originally made Remus uncomfortable, until he grew to expect it, grew to want it. At some point during the beginning of fourth year, right around the time Sirius started seeing Jess, he stopped doing this. Remus hadn't realised how much he missed it until now.
"How long have I been out for?"
Sirius casts a tempus charm with his wand. It tells them it's gone eleven o'clock at night, which means it's after visiting hours. "About five hours, maybe a bit more. How are you feeling?"
"Hungry," Remus answers honestly. His stomach growls in agreement, making Sirius laugh. "How did I get back here?"
"Alice ran to get help from Poppy whilst Lily stayed with you," Sirius explains. "We heard about it from Alice as soon as we got back up to the castle. She told us what happened with Snivellus."
"Did she tell you what he said?"
"Yes," Sirius frowns. "It's suspicious, sure, but he can't know your secret. None of us told him, Remus."
"I know," he nods, because he does. None of his friends would ever tell Snape about this, not without his permission anyway. Or even with his permission.
"I bet, if he does know, it's because he's a nosy little prick," Sirius huffs. He shakes his head. "Lily was here, by the way. She wanted to stay until you woke up, but she has rounds tonight."
"How come you lot are here so late? I'm surprised Poppy didn't chuck you out on your backsides the moment curfew hit."
"We protested," Sirius grins. "Wouldn't leave until we knew you were alright."
"Well, you know now," he whispers, eyes settling on Sirius' lips in the dark.
"You want me to leave, Moony?" Sirius asks.
No, I want you to stay. We haven't been this close in months. I've missed you.
"I guess you can stay," Remus shrugs, pretending to act nonchalant as he settles back into his pillows again. Sirius laughs and then joins him. They're silent for so long, Remus thinks Sirius has fallen asleep, but then he speaks and Remus is certain he wasn't supposed to hear it. Certain Sirius must think he's asleep, too.
"I'll get him back for what he did to you, Moony," Sirius whispers, dropping his head onto Remus' shoulder. Remus has to resist the urge to breathe in deeply. "He needs to know he can't mess with what's mine. I won't let him hurt you again."
Remus hopes and prays that Sirius can't hear the way his heart begins to race in his chest.
Sunday - 19th October, 1975
Last night, the Marauders spent the majority of the night down in the dungeons setting up their prank. It was something Sirius came up with, a genius get-back for what the Slytherin boys did to them a couple of weeks ago. Only, instead of only picking on Regulus, Evan and Barty, they decided to target the entirety of Slytherin.
They casted a charm on the windows in every single dormitory, so that it would look like it was still night time, and changed all of their clocks to read a time between the hours of three A.M. and four A.M. So, that way, they would think it was still the middle of the night when they got up. Their sleep schedules will be messed up, just as the Gryffindors boys' were when their bedroom got fucked with.
They were originally going to pull the prank on a school night, but then they realised that it would be easier for a professor to notice all of Slytherin were absent if none of them showed up to their classes all day. So, instead, they will be missing their entire Sunday. Or, at least, they will if the plan is successful.
"It isn't enough to get back at Snape for what he did to Moony," Sirius announces as they sit down for breakfast the next morning. The hall is blissfully empty of Slytherins, and no one else has seemed to notice yet, not even the professors.
"Got anymore genius tricks up your sleeve?" James asks Sirius.
"Mmm... we could put hair removal cream in his shampoo," Sirius suggests, making Peter, who had just been taking a sip of his apple juice, spit out his drink across the table. James grimaces when it hits him on the arm.
"Isn't that too far?" James frowns.
"Yeah, plus it's not very creative of you," Remus notes.
Sirius directs an offended look his way. "Alright, fine. You want creativity? How about this... Snape was calling you names, right? Or threatened to, at least."
"Right," Remus nods, not sure where Sirius is going with this.
"We could see how he likes it," Sirius smirks evilly.
"What are you going to do, call him Snivellus to his face? You know you already do that, right?" Remus raises an eyebrow.
"Use your imagination, Moons!" Sirius almost shouts, attracting the attention of a few nearby Gryffindor students. "We could permanently write it on his forehead or something."
"Wait, I have a better idea!" Peter announces. The four of them lean in to hear his plan. "What if we charm all his quills to repeatedly write out 'Snivellus' over and over again instead of what he's actually trying to write?"
"That's brilliant, Pete," Sirius grins, grabbing onto the other boy and shaking him. "You little mastermind." He ruffles his hair, making Peter blush under the attention.
"How are we going to get a hold of his quills?" James asks.
"We could steal them now whilst he's asleep," Peter suggests.
"You lot will have to figure it out yourselves, I'm afraid," Sirius says. "It's mine and Jess' one year anniversary today, so I'll be busy."
Peter and James start making ooh-ing noises that make Sirius blush. Remus stares down at his pancakes and tries his best to forget that, yes, Sirius is celebrating one year with a boy who is perfect for him today. And it isn't him.
Monday - 20th October, 1975
The school is full of confused and frustrated Slytherins the next day, all probably annoyed that they lost their Sunday. As soon as they step foot in the hall, Regulus' eyes fall on the Gryffindor table, looking right at him and James. He glares at them both, and Remus can't help but laugh.
At least he looks refreshed for the day. Very well-rested indeed.
"Did you lot end up charming Snape's quills?" Sirius whispers to the other three boys, careful not to let Lily hear.
"We decided to cast the charm on him instead, in case he tries to use someone else's quill. We ended up having to hide out for an hour under the cloak because we accidentally woke up Avery," James explains with a bitter tut.
"You didn't get caught though?" Sirius asks.
"No, they were all snoring their heads off," Peter assures him.
"I'm surprised they all stayed asleep for so long," Remus murmurs, playing with his food, not feeling very hungry as the moon is later tonight. His appetite always goes one way or the other, today it's non-existent.
Peter and Sirius share a quick look, causing James and Remus to frown.
"What?" James questions.
"Well, Pete and I thought of that, and we had an idea of how to... you know, make sure they didn't wake up and catch onto the prank earlier than was best," Sirius says.
"What did you do?" Remus sends them both an unimpressed look.
"Nothing bad!" Peter argues.
"I was the last out of each dorm, so whilst you lot were waiting outside for me to finish, I cast a drowsy spell over the rooms," Sirius says. "Nothing damaging, just something to make them all tired."
"Why didn't you tell us?" James questions.
"I thought you wouldn't let me," Sirius answers honestly.
"I mean, that is a bit..." James turns to Remus, raising an eyebrow.
"It was... sneaky of you," Remus decides to say. He doesn't really feel comfortable knowing Sirius and Peter purposefully put a lot of people into a state of unconsciousness. Obviously they didn't do it for any disturbing reasons, but it's still a bit messed up. "Whenever we're pranking people, we have to tell each other the whole plan, otherwise it isn't fair. What if next time you try something like that, it goes wrong? We can't risk that."
Peter and Sirius share a look and then drop their heads, ashamed.
"You're right," Sirius sighs. "I didn't think of it... like that. I should have, that was wrong. Sorry."
"It's fine, Sirius, just tell us next time," James says, smiling at the boy to show him he's forgiven. "You too, Pete."
Peter nods.
Remus doesn't get to see the result of their prank on Snape until third period. He walks into Defence with Peter, Mary and Lily, each of which head of to their respective tables. Regulus is already seated at the table they share, so Remus is quick to make his way to his seat. Snape sits at the table beside his, leaving a small gap between them. Close enough that Remus can see what the boy writes, so if their prank worked, he'll have a front row seat to it.
Oliver steps into the classroom as students are filing in, a steaming cup of tea in one hand and a newspaper tucked under the armpit of his other arm. He smiles at a few students, says good morning to others. His tie, Remus notices, is bright-red and blue today.
"Good morning, everyone," he grins as he reaches his desk and settles his tea and paper down. Oliver walks around to the front of his desk and leans against it, carelessly crossing his arms over his chest. "How are we all today? Good, good. Wonderful! I hope everyone got enough sleep because we've got a practical lesson today."
Remus snorts when Oliver mentions sleep. He turns and finds Regulus watching him with an unimpressed narrow to his eyes. Remus just smiles and turns back to the front of the classroom. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Regulus shake his head.
"We're going to put some of the defensive spells we've been going over to the test. Who remembers the three we learnt last week?"
Hands raise all around the classroom, but Oliver picks on Lily, who has easily become his favourite. Lily told Remus that she's run into Oliver a lot in the library since September, so they've spoken a lot outside of the classroom. Probably why he favours her over the rest of them. Lily is one of the kindest people in the world, and it's clear in how she talks about everything.
"Cave Inimicum, Protego Maxima, and Incacerous," Lily states clearly.
"Perfect, five points to Gryffindor," Oliver announces. He claps his hands together and hops away from the edge of his desk. "You'll need to take notes of your results, so keep your parchment close. Up and out of your chairs, everyone. Let me make some room."
They all move to the back of the classroom whilst Oliver sends the tables to one side of the room.
"You're all expected to work with your desk partners. You may start now, but please be careful not to damage any windows. Glass is a bugger to get out of an injury."
And on that cheerful note, everyone starts to scatter around the room. Remus and Regulus find an empty spot near the piled up desks, which is where they place their parchment and quills. They stand in a duelling stance opposite each other.
"Which spell first?" Remus asks.
"I don't mind," Regulus responds with a small shrug.
"Incacerous," Remus casts, pointing his wand directly at the other boy. He catches him off guard, and soon ropes have tied Regulus' hands together. The other boy looks down at his own hands and then up at Remus. He raises an eyebrow and smirks.
"Kinky."
That catches Remus off guard - because out of every possible thing in the world that could have come out of Regulus' mouth, Remus never would have predicted that - and allows Regulus to get a one-up on him. With his hands still tied, he manages to cast Cave Inimicum, which hides him from Remus' view. He then casts Protego Maxima, and he must have moved his position, because it comes from Remus' left instead of right in front of him. Regulus whispers it, but Remus has canine hearing, so he catches it just as it slips out of the boy's mouth, and manages to cast a shield charm before it hits him.
Regulus appears beside him, hands now free of the ropes Remus conjured there only moments before. Regulus casts a Protego and then an Incacerous. Remus is too busy blocking the first spell to notice the second. So, when his hands are suddenly locked together, reminding him starkly of the prank from last Valentine's Day, he almost jumps back in shock.
"Wouldn't have pegged you for a rope guy," Remus smirks, lifting his tied hands. "Or for one to joke about being a rope guy."
Regulus' expression shifts ever so slightly as a smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. "Unfortunately, being friends with Barty has, evidently, had an effect on me."
"Evidently," Remus snorts, using Finite Incantatem on his bound hands.
They take a break and scribble down some notes, before they go for another round.
"What the hell?" He hears from the other side of the classroom. He grins as he turns around and finds Snape staring, frustrated, down at his parchment.
"What's wrong with him?" Regulus asks Remus.
"What makes you think I know?" Remus queries, turning to meet the boy's eye. Regulus simply raises an eyebrow, causing Remus to let out a brief laugh. "We cast a spell on him so that whenever he uses a quill it'll write out Snivellus over and over."
"What did he do?"
"Called Mary a Mudblood and then said some things about me being a..." Remus drops his eyes to the ground. He still can't believe that, out of all the people in the school, Regulus bloody Black knows he is a werewolf and is okay with it. Even with a hundred guesses, Remus never would have imagined his reaction would have gone the way it did.
"It sounds like he deserved way worse than what he got then." Regulus' voice comes out as sharp as a blade, something cold lingering in his tone that he usually keeps reserved for Sirius.
"Maybe," Remus shrugs. "It doesn't matter. He doesn't know anything for certain because he hasn't got any proof."
"It does matter. He's an arsehole," Regulus says, still glaring at Snape even as he talks to Remus.
"Yeah," Remus agrees.
When Regulus finally rips his gaze away from Snape, he settles it on Remus and asks him if he's ready for round two. There's something more ferocious behind his spell casting this time around, and Remus wonders if it has anything to do with what they were just talking about, though he doesn't know why it would. Yeah, they sort of agreed to be friends, but surely Regulus doesn't actually care, right?
It's five minutes, maybe ten, until the moon will hit its apogee. Remus can feel as his vertebrae slowly begin to stretch apart, preparing themselves for when they will start to tear away from each other very soon. The junction between the bottom of his head and the start of his neck is killing him, raging with a heavy, aching pain that burns his head with a headache. They're all sitting on the floor of the shack right now, Lily and Sirius are right next to him, their knees pressed into his.
Tonight is the night they are going to try and venture out of the shack. Tonight is the night they are going to attempt to brave the Forbidden Forest. A rat, a lioness, a dog, a stag, and a werewolf - a pack by any name - an odd sight if any creature happens upon them tonight. He wonders if there truly are centaurs in the forest as there is rumoured to be. Would they shoot their arrows at him if they spotted him, or would they simply let him be?
What if Hagrid has decided to pay a visit to the group of thestrals residing in the woods tonight and they cross paths? What if... what if... what if...
Remus keeps having doubts about this plan, but his friends assure him repeatedly that they won't let anything bad happen. The only reason Remus has agreed is because Lily thinks it's a good idea. She's clever and very sensible, so if she thinks it'll be alright, then Remus can't help but believe her. He knows the wolf needs it. Moony has been hidden away in basements and dusty, old shacks since it was born. Remus may hate that he's a werewolf, hate that the wolf is capable of such terrible things, but he doesn't think he hates Moony anymore. It's a strange realisation, something he never thought would come to be.
It's all thanks to his friends, he knows.
Moony is simply an animal, a predator. It's in its nature to hunt and feed, just like any other animal. Yes, this animal in particular hunts humans - which is what makes Remus uncomfortable - but is Moony actually terrible if it hasn't ever eaten a human? Just because it would, doesn't mean it will. Right?
Remus has to believe that because if he doesn't, he won't be able to leave this shack tonight.
"I think it's happening. You guys should change," he tells his friends in a strained voice. Sirius is the first to shift, and, as soon as he's a dog, he trots over to where Remus is bent over on his hands and knees on the floor. He buries his nose in Remus' hair and nuzzles him, like a reassurance that he'll be alright.
His elbows snap back and a scream tears itself from his throat, echoing around the desolate building. Remus hates the idea of someone seeing him like this, has never let his friends watch before. But tonight, Padfoot doesn't turn away or hide under the piano like he normally tends to. Instead, he remains by Remus' side, licks his hand as a comfort until they turn into furry paws. His screams soon turn into piercing howls and then Moony is in control, but Remus is still there.
It feels like being a backseat driver, watching as Moony dominates his body and drives it wherever the wolf wants it to go. Remus never used to remain in the background during full moons, he would always be gone until the morning, clueless to what happened the night before. He thinks it might have something to do with wanting to be here. He always used to try and detach himself from the wolf as much as he could, which meant hiding himself away until morning rolled around. Now, he looks forward to getting to play with his animal friends. He doesn't want to forget, he wants to stay. So, he does.
That doesn't mean he has any control over what Moony decides to get up to though.
When Trixie opens the door with her mouth, Remus feels a thrill of anticipation shoot up his spine. He knows his emotions and world perspective is being influenced by the wolf's feelings right now, which he is oddly grateful for. No longer can he feel the panic he did when he was a human about the idea of leaving the shack. Now, all he can feel is curiosity and a childish sort of enthusiasm to search and discover whatever new horizons stand behind the door he's never allowed past.
The lioness leads the way, then Moony and Padfoot remain in the middle, brawling playfully as they walk. Moony missed the dog, he only gets to see him once a month, but he can always sense him through the boy. The dog has been so far away recently, the boy hasn't let Moony get very close to him in a long time. Now, Moony has the chance to change that. His tail wags every time he remembers his friend is beside him, and that spark of energy reignites inside of him. The dog seems just as happy to see him, too, and provokes his playful mood every now and then by jumping on him or nibbling at his ear.
The stag takes up the rear, as if it wants to protect Moony and his dog friend. Usually, Moony would be opposed to this, would be the only one suitable to take care of his pack, but he doesn't want to risk the dog. When they play, he can't keep watch, so he'll allow the stag to take on his protector position. For now.
There's a tiny rodent on the stag's head, a familiar scent lingers on it's fur, so Moony knows not to try and go for it. He's hungry, but he would never harm his pack. They're the first friends he's had, other than the boy, but the boy has never cared for him very much. He forces the wolf to hide in the darkness until the moon calls for him. He doesn't know what he ever did to the boy, but he considers him pack, too, so he can't punish him for making him so lonely.
Cool air ruffles Moony's fur, making his ears prick up as he realises they are no longer in the smelly, damp cave he is usually in.
It's the first time Moony has felt the outdoors beyond the shack.
New smells assault his nostrils, swirling like a rainbow cacophony of possibilities. Damp soil, sickly sweet sap from the nearby trees, and animals. Other animals, so many of them. Moony wants to go and find them, wants to show them his pack, boast about how much better it is than theirs must be. He admires his friends for a moment; the lioness who always cleans him before he drifts off to sleep, who cares for him like he's her cub; the stag, so refined and regal, yet playful when he wants to be, a protector just like Moony; the rat who keeps him from going too far by nipping at his ears, who stops him from accidentally injuring anyone when he gets too excited; and then, there's the dog. His favourite. The dog is large, just like Moony, though he isn't a wolf. He's something else, something more inferior. It makes Moony want to take care of him, to guard him from any possible dangers. The dog is his best friend, they always play together, even though the cave is usually so boring. And then, when the playing is done, when they're exhausted from all the fun they've had, they curl around each other and fall asleep.
He loves his pack.
He plans to show them off.
With a tilt of his head and a suggestive growl, he takes off towards the large clump of trees. He listens as his friends follow him, but only the dog can keep up enough to remain by his side. They run and they play, and Moony presents them to a group of animals he's never seen before. They smell like the outdoors, like they've never been anywhere else. Moony is jealous of them.
At one point, Moony, the dog and the stag end up drenched on the bank of a pond. He's so tired now, he doesn't remember jumping into it. Maybe he was getting clean. But he likes it when the lioness cleans him. A quick look around tells him that she is curled up at the base of a tree not too far away, the rat asleep by her paws. Moony canters over to her and drops to the floor beside her. He nuzzles her face and she instantly knows what to do.
It doesn't take very long for the dog and the stag to join them, and soon they fall asleep right here amongst the trees.
It's been the best night of Moony's life.
***
Tuesday - 21st October, 1975
James
James has two free periods today. Normal fifth-year students would use this spare time to get some studying done. James, however, will be trying to catch up on the sleep he missed out on last night. He isn't even mad about it - not that he ever is during the full moon each month. Last night they went into the Forbidden Forest for the first time. It's funny how James' fear of the trees completely evaporated the moment he saw Moony bounding between them like he was a child experiencing a playpark for the first time. His tongue was lolling out of his mouth, making him look much less intimidating than he probably ought to, and his chestnut fur dazzled golden under the moonlight.
They found a blessing of unicorns towards the end of the night and, for a moment, James was afraid when Moony approached the ethereal creatures. But, luckily, nothing bad happened. Moony simply cocked his head as he examined the horned animals and then started presenting Prongs, Padfoot, Wormtail and Trixie to them, as if he was showing them off or something. My pack is better than yours, was what James thought he was saying. It was a sweet show of affection for them that James hadn't thought Moony was entirely capable of. Sure, the wolf has shown his liking for them in the past, but James had no idea he viewed them as a point of pride.
It was a nice start to their week.
The last few weeks have been full surprises. Sirius got a letter from home last week and found out that his younger cousin Miriam received a Hogwarts letter on the morning of her eleventh birthday, which means she will be joining them at school next year. Sirius had been over the moon about it and started roping all of their friends into making bets about which house she would end up in.
A shocker that came out of the end of September was when Barty walked into the Great Hall with dyed hair. James hasn't yet had the chance to compliment the boy on his new look. He assumes they're still mates, even though Barty is no longer dating Mary. James hopes Barty didn't only treat him like a friend because of that. He likes the fact that he got along with Barty so well last year, because he's one of Regulus' best friends, which means he's important to James.
Speaking of Regulus. The third and final surprise of fifth year so far is this: James is falling in love. It's strange because it doesn't feel like how he loved Harry, even though he knows that love was also the romantic kind. So, James doesn't really know what this feeling is. He wonders if it's love or if he's just overly fond of Regulus at the moment. He's sure what they're doing will one day blossom into love, but is he already feeling it? He has no idea.
He's caught himself staring in Regulus' direction during the classes they share together, completely by accident. Whenever Regulus looks at him, it feels like someone is scratching at his chest, trying to get to his heart and shake it about. And when they kiss, James never wants to come up, not even for air. He could stay that way with Regulus forever, and never do anything else, and be satisfied with his life.
It's all of this that makes James wonder if what he feels is just a bit bigger than what most people feel (which seems to be something James does a lot; he's always been afraid that he feels too much, if he is too much), or if he's genuinely falling in love with Regulus Black.
The thought ought to frighten him, at least a little bit.
It doesn't.
In fact, he's never been happier.
A couple of weeks ago, they had a lesson on veritaserum in Potions, and James had taken the opportunity to mess with Regulus. Not in a cruel way, James doesn't think he is even capable of being cruel towards Regulus. He just wanted to get a reaction out of him. To see him blush. And he had succeeded.
"Do you think I'm pretty?" He'd whispered, low enough he didn't think even Remus would be able to catch it with his heightened senses. Following the question, he batted his eyelashes dramatically.
Regulus had answered immediately, "Very," and then his cheeks had turned the prettiest shade of pink James has ever seen. He sent James a rather sharp glare after that, which only caused James to laugh.
When it was Regulus' turn to question James, he had asked a much tamer question.
"What's your favourite colour today?"
Without hesitation, "Blue, of course."
And Regulus had blushed again.
After his last period of the day, which is Transfiguration, he and Lily go to the library to get a start on the homework McGonagall set. James likes to get his homework out of the way nowadays, rather than doing it before bed. He prefers to tuck himself away for the night as soon as possible, knowing that Regulus will be waiting for him soon. It's unhealthy how reliant on their routine he has become, he knows it is. But he can't help it. He thinks that if Regulus ever one day decided he didn't want to be a part of James' life anymore, it would ruin him.
Yeah, maybe this is love.
James still hasn't the faintest clue.
As soon as they have finished writing their essays and have checked each other's over, James and Lily decide to stop by the kitchens, not feeling up to eating dinner in the Great Hall tonight. They are both eager to get back to their beds, and are almost staggering by the time they reach Gryffindor Tower.
James waves good night to her and then hurries upstairs to his dormitory. He only had a pumpkin pasty for "dinner", but he's much more tired than he is hungry at the moment, so he doesn't care. He pulls off his clothes, brushes his teeth, and throws up a silencing charm around his bed before jumping into it. The mattress beneath him feels like a cloud compared to the twig-ridden forest floor he slept on last night. It doesn't take him very long before he's drifting off.
It's been a while since he's had a nightmare, which is why he isn't expecting one when it comes.
There's something off about it this time. Something inherently different that James can't help but be unnerved by. There's that pit of dread in the bottom of his stomach that tells him this is a nightmare, but, for a reason he can't quite place, he knows this one won't be anything like the others.
His first sign is the forest. The trees aren't as thin and sparse as the ones in the forest back in Hampstead. No, these are thick and stretch upwards for miles; so far, James has to squint just to find the top. It takes him a moment to realise that, whilst this forest is different to the ones he's used to finding in his nightmares, it's still one he recognises.
The Forbidden Forest.
Cautiously, he steps forward. He pauses, waits for something bad to happen, that heavy dread still lingering in his gut. But nothing happens, so he continues forward.
There's something distinctly different about the forest. It's silent. Completely and utterly silent. No rustling noises, no humming faeries in the distance, no sign that there is a single animal in these woods. It's eerie, setting him on edge. But still, he carries on, somehow knowing it would be impossible for him to turn back now.
It's a while before he hears the first scream. His head snaps up and to the side, attention instantly grasped by the noise. Silence ensues as he listens out for something, anything to show him where the scream could have come from. After another minute, James' ears are assaulted by another scream, this one much louder and much closer than the last. He starts running, fight battling over his flight response.
Something that sounds like a bag of bricks being tossed into a body of water fills his ears. He comes to a break between the trees, pebbles roll beneath his shoes. There's a lake only a few feet ahead of him, and, standing just at the shoreline, there's a dark figure. It's bulky and much larger than James. Something about it doesn't look quite... human. It's humanoid, but James has a feeling it must be something else. A magical creature maybe.
James takes another step, stones tumbling across the floor as his feet disturbs them, catching the attention of the anonymous figure. It turns, but only it's head, and glares at James with fiery eyes that scold him as they meet his own.
For a moment, he thinks the thing is going to start coming at him, but then he blinks and it's vanished. He looks around, wondering where it could have gone so fast. He knows it's impossible to apparate on the grounds of Hogwarts.
His panicked search for the thing is interrupted by the sound of something breaking through the surface of the lake. James frowns curiously as he realises there's a person in there.
They must have been the source of the splash.
James hurries forward, noticing as the person struggles in the water. He assumes they can't swim as they start to sink again. James doesn't hesitate as he runs into the water and then attempts a dive. The person isn't very far below the surface, their arms scrambling around as if they're trying to pull their self up, but they can't. James grabs them by the scruff of their shirt collar and pulls them above the water. He doesn't look at them as he drags them to the shore. He already has a feeling who it must be. The only person who has ever appeared in his nightmares before.
Harry.
When they reach the pebbled ground, James drops down onto his back, panting for breath. The person beside him makes a spluttering sound and then groans. He frowns when he hears it.
He might be going crazy, but that isn't Harry. It can't be. This person's voice sounds deep, like a man, not a child. Harry always appears the age he was when he died whenever James dreams of him. Usually, James is also nine in those dreams.
He looks at his own hands and realises he doesn't look nine. No, he looks fifteen.
Slowly, he sits up and turns to examine the person beside him. He almost screams when he finds Regulus beside him. He's drenched from head-to-toe, hair sticking to the sides of his face, clothes clinging to his skin for dear life.
There's something else.
Slash marks cover his body. One long and distinct runs down the middle of his body, identical to the one James remembers being etched into Harry.
"No, no, no, no," he says frantically. He cups Regulus' face and watches as the boy's eyes droop like they're struggling to remain open. "Regulus? Reg-"
"Mmgh," Regulus grumbles.
"What got you, Reg? Why are you- why isn't it-" James whines as his words fail him. He pulls Regulus' head into his lap and cradles it, not knowing what else to do. Regulus looks up at him, his eyes glow blue under the moonlight.
"Sorry," Regulus' voice wavers as he speaks, bottom lip trembling. A tear falls from the corner of his eye, James swipes it away with his thumb. "I'm sorry."
"What? Why are you apologising, Reg?"
"You can't... you..."
"What? I can't what ?" James stares down at the boy in his arms, feeling as tears of his own leak out of his eyes. Regulus opens his mouth and quietly tells James to come closer, so he does. He moves until his face is right in front of Regulus'.
"You can't save me," Regulus whispers, voice as shaky as James feels. "I'm sorry. I'll leave you just like he did."
"No, Reg. Stop saying that," James cries, holding Regulus a little tighter. "You'll be okay. This- it can't be real. It can't. I-"
"James."
James' eyes jump open again. He hadn't even noticed them closing. When they land on Regulus, he finds him still in his arms. Eyes open but unseeing, staring off at nothing. Dead.
"No, Reg, no. Look at me. Please, can you look at me? Reg?" A sob rattles in his chest, climbs up his throat, and bursts out of him like it's been exorcised from somewhere deep within. Nothing but pain and hurt. A guttural scream tears itself from him, and that's how he wakes up.
One moment he's holding Regulus' cold, lifeless body, and the next he's in his warm bed again. He sits up and takes a moment to catch his breath. He runs a hand down his face and sighs, feeling as tears burn at the corner of his eyes. He sniffs and then reaches for his glasses. Once he's put them on, he grabs his wand and checks the time. It's almost time for him to meet Regulus. He has no idea how he's supposed to face him after what he just saw. He doesn't know what the nightmare meant, or why he had it.
When he makes it out into the corridor ten minutes later, Regulus is walking up the stairs towards him. He looks up and smiles slightly as he notices James already waiting for him. James tries to smile back, but he knows it doesn't quite reach his eyes. Every time he blinks, he can see him again. Drenched with lake water, crimson blood stretching across his body, eyes staring at nothing.
"Are you okay?" Is the first thing Regulus says to him.
"Hm?" James shakes his head, trying to remove the image of a dead Regulus from his mind. "Yeah, I'm great. Are you?"
Regulus gives him a sceptical look, like he doesn't quite believe him. When James only continues to smile, he drops it. "So, do you want to go to the room tonight or the tower?"
"Neither, actually," James says. He's been debating with himself over the last couple of weeks on whether he should show Regulus Godric's room or not. Regulus is a Slytherin, and anyone with a brain knows that Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin had a rivalry going on. James wouldn't want to disrespect the founder of his house in anyway, but then again... the man is dead. And Regulus isn't going to do anything untoward to the room. James trusts him enough to know that. Plus, Regulus was kind enough to show him Ravenclaw's lost room when he didn't have to.
"Oh?" Regulus questions, raising an eyebrow.
"There's some place I want to show you," James smirks, reaching out to knock their pinkies together. Regulus looks down at where their skin makes contact and smiles.
"Lead the way, Potter."
"We're back to Potter now, are we?"
Regulus shrugs. "Consider it a term of endearment."
James grins and pulls out his cloak. They move through the castle with Regulus right in front of him, both beneath the cloak. James' hands are on Regulus' hips, fingers splayed out against the boy's stomach. James will never get enough of being able to touch Regulus. It's all he ever really wants to do around him. Touch, touch, touch. Get closer to him. He always wants more.
Regulus seems to sense this. He gently rests his hands over James' and links their fingers together. His head drops back against James' shoulder, so James drops a delicate kiss onto his forehead.
"We're here, Reg," he whispers. They are now standing outside the study room on the fifth floor. Regulus looks at James with a Are you joking? expression. "Come on."
Regulus continues to look confused as they walk inside. James pulls the cloak off them and stuffs it into his pocket. He starts walking towards the maze of books, only for Regulus to stop him.
"What are you doing?" He asks, pulling James back by the hand. "You do realise that maze is dangerous, right?"
"Not if you know the way out," James grins. "It's the entrance to Godric's room."
Regulus' eyes widen and fall on the bookcases towering in front of them. Anxiety bleeds into his features once again, almost completely flooding over the curiosity. "Are you sure?"
"Definitely. I've been in and out of this maze more times than I could count," James tells him with full certainty in his voice. He takes a step into the maze and then turns around and holds out a hand. "Do you trust me?"
Regulus sighs. "Against my better judgement," he mumbles, placing his hand in James'.
It doesn't take them very long to get to the centre of the maze. Regulus looks mystified by how James managed to get them there so easily. He pulls the rug back.
"Voila."
"I see you're butchering my language again."
"Alright then," James says, putting the rug back. Then, for dramatic effect, he pulls the rug away again and announces, "Behold!"
"Wow," Regulus says sarcastically, but there's a smile hiding in the corner of his lips. "Very cool."
"It may not be as classy as Rowena's entrance, but you have to admit that it's well guarded."
"That's true," Regulus agrees. He walks over to one of the shelves and runs his finger along the spine of a book. "I never would have pictured Godric Gryffindor as being much of a reader."
"He wrote a lot of these, too," James tells him, causing Regulus to hum in approval. "You can borrow some if you'd like. As many as you want."
Regulus continues to browse the shelf, seemingly interested by the titles he finds. He stops completely in front of one book in particular. James can see the confusion in his eyes from across the space.
"What is it?" James asks.
"This book," Regulus gently pulls it from the shelf, coughing as dust comes out along with it. "I've never heard of the subject matter before. My library at home is supposed to be the most extensive one in Britain, but we don't have this." He holds the book up and James squints as he takes in the title.
Horcruxes and How to Get Rid of the Blighters
Godric Gryffindor
"Horcrux? I've never heard of it before," James shakes his head. He looks at Regulus, admires the little crease between his furrowed eyebrows. James knows he's frustrated, because Regulus likes knowing more than everyone else does. It's one of the things James adores about him.
"Neither have I," he huffs, holding tighter onto the book. "Are you sure it's okay for me to borrow this?"
"Of course," James smiles, leaning in to press a kiss to Regulus' temple. "Take as many as you want."
Regulus holds the book closer to his chest, but doesn't take anymore. He gestures to the trapdoor on the floor. "Is that Godric's room then?"
"Yeah, come on," James grins. He opens the door and starts descending down the stairs into the hidden room. Regulus follows him. James watches as wonder fills his eyes.
"A duelling den?" He asks as they reach the floor.
"A secret duelling den," James corrects.
"Is that a portrait of the founders?" Regulus doesn't wait for James' response before hurrying across the room to admire the portrait.
"Yep, the genuine article," James confirms, coming up beside his boyfriend.
"Look, it even includes all of their heirlooms," Regulus grins. He tilts his head to the side and then turns to James. "Can't they talk?"
"No," James shakes his head. "They move, but I've never heard any of them speak before. Usually, Godric and Salazar just look at each other. Even in a painting, they hate each other."
"That's a shame. We could have asked them where their heirlooms went," Regulus smirks. "All of them are missing, except for Gryffindor's sword, of course."
"What would be the point of finding them?" James asks, curious.
"Just getting to be the person to finally do it, I guess. They've all been missing for centuries, I think." He turns around fully now and faces James. "As much as I hate to compliment a Gryffindor's work," Regulus sends James a teasing look, "this room is amazing."
"Mhm, Godric really thought of everything," James says. He reaches out for Regulus' free hand and starts slowly pulling him towards the couch. "Even this," he whispers as he drops down onto it and drags Regulus with him.
Regulus lands in his lap, a leg on either side of James' thighs, encasing him there. Regulus' eyes widen slightly. He looks down at James like he's staring at something impossible, something that can't be there, shouldn't be there, but is. He drops the book onto the floor and settles closer to James, resting his hands on his shoulders.
"James," he whispers. Their lips meet in a brief kiss, a teasing little thing that has James itching for more. His hands are on Regulus' hips again, giving him a lot of the control here. He gives Regulus a questioning look, as if to check that this is alright. Regulus nods.
"Reg," James says quietly, his voice barely a whisper.
"James," Regulus repeats.
"Are you okay?" because James needs to double check. Just in case this is too much. Just in case he is being too much.
Regulus leans close enough for their lips to touch, but they don't. Not yet. Regulus swallows and meets James' eyes. "I'm okay, baby, I trust you." His hands run up James' shoulders and move into his hair, gripping it. "Kiss me."
James does. It's somewhat harsh, the way their lips crash together, the sound of teeth clashing follows. James pulls Regulus closer by the hips, and Regulus wraps his legs around James' torso like he's trying to get closer, too. Like he can't get close enough.
In a move Regulus obviously doesn't see coming, James flips them over. Regulus lands softly against the couch, lying beneath James with surprised, but eager, eyes. His cheeks are flushed, his lips red and slick. James hovers above him for a moment, just admiring the beautiful person beneath him. He can't believe this is real. Every time he's with Regulus it feels like a dream, like something from another life. A little piece of Heaven just for James.
One of James' hands is now on the couch, holding him up so that he doesn't drop all of his weight onto Regulus. The other slides away from his hip and up his leg until it finds the bend of Regulus' knee. He keeps it there as he kisses the boy beneath him again. His lips trail away from Regulus' lips and dot along his jawline, then his neck. When he reaches Regulus' collarbone, he kisses over the scar there. He doesn't want Regulus to ever look at that and think of his horrible, abusive mother. He wants him to think of something good, like this. Regulus should never have to look at himself and see anything less than the beautiful creature that he is. He shouldn't have to look in the mirror and see a battleground.
When James finally pulls away, his eyes widen at the red, dotty mark he's left there. He looks up to meet Regulus' eyes, which are trained on him. He looks annoyed, probably because James stopped.
"Uh, I... Reg, I'm so sorry. I accidentally made a mark," James panics as he sits up and away from Regulus. His mind rushes back to the nightmare he had only an hour or so ago. He wraps his arms around his legs and realises he can't even look at Regulus. Did he hurt him? It looks like he did.
"James, it's fine," Regulus tries to reassure him. He sits up too now, staring at James with a cautious look in his eyes. "It was... nice. I liked it."
When James looks up to meet his eye, he finds Regulus blushing profusely.
"Did I hurt you?" James croaks.
"What? No, of course not. You couldn't ever," Regulus says fiercely. "James, it's alright. Trust me, it's normal. People in relationships get these a lot."
"I know, but I didn't mean to. I-" His eyes drop to Regulus' exposed collarbone, which is now turning purple. He gapes. "I bruised you! I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry."
Regulus watches him for a moment, and then, in the most delicate voice James has ever heard, he asks, "James, what is this really about?"
James' eyes jump up to meet Regulus'. "What do you mean?"
Regulus open his mouth as if he's about to say something, and then closes it and bites down on his bottom lip. After a moment, something resolute washes over his features, a hard expression that has James' anxiety swirling in his stomach.
"Harry," Regulus says. Simple. Blunt. No hesitation.
"What about him?" James asks, trying not to wince at the name. He thought he had been getting better at this, at talking about Harry without feeling the gnawing guilt that has been slowly killing him for the last six years.
"What happened to him, the way it affected you... that isn't just going to go away. I don't want to upset you-"
"Upset me?" James interrupts, feeling as his guards begin to pull up. This conversation is making him want to rip himself free from his skin. It feels too tight, too overwhelming, like it's trying to suffocate him.
"You've always been your own worst enemy, James," Regulus continues in a carefully measured voice, like he's afraid James might lash out if he speaks any louder. James doesn't want him to be afraid. "You blamed yourself for what happened to Harry, and because of that you think you're going to hurt someone again. You're afraid you're going to hurt... me."
And that. Well, isn't that the ugly truth.
Sometimes it scares James how well Regulus knows him, how easily he can read him. James has tried, he really has, to get over the guilt and the anger and the pain of it all. He has. But he isn't over it, he doesn't think he ever will be. He still has nightmares, he still cries every January 16th, he still feels such an immense wave of guilt whenever he thinks of his old best friend. That isn't "getting over it", that isn't even dealing. That's just surviving, trying to get by.
It's just... disappointing to admit to himself, and to everyone else in his life who are all waiting for him to get better. It's sad for him to realise that, after all this time, he isn't healed or fixed. He's still blaming himself for the murder that was committed six years ago, and he wishes he wasn't. Truly, he does, but he doesn't know how to just... stop.
Regulus slides along the couch towards him, and James can't stop the way his entire body flinches. He closes his eyes shut tightly and hardens the grip his arms have on his legs. His entire body is tense and stiff, a bomb waiting... waiting... waiting... to be set off.
A tentative touch on his shoulder. That's all it takes for the torrential storm of thoughts inside his mind to come to a halt. He slowly opens his eyes and turns his head to the side where Regulus is already watching him. The hand he has on James' shoulder slides across his back and then wraps around his other shoulder. In a matter of seconds, James is being brought into the nook between Regulus' jaw and chest. He lets himself be held, feeling safe in the boy's embrace.
"You're not going to hurt me," Regulus whispers, voice full of nothing but certainty.
"You don't know that."
"I do," he says decisively, not giving James the chance to interrupt him again. "You aren't capable of hurting anyone, James, okay? I know you and I trust you. You're not someone who goes around purposefully inflicting pain upon those around you. To say that you are would be an insult to your character. This?" He points to the bruise still blooming across his collarbone; James' stomach turns at the sight of it. "That wasn't done out of malicious intent, and it didn't hurt me."
"It didn't?" James frowns, looking up at Regulus' face.
"No," Regulus mumbles, leaning in to press a brief kiss against James' lips, like it's an afterthought. "Like I said, you could never hurt me. Not on purpose, not by accident."
"I hope you're right," James murmurs quietly.
"I am," Regulus replies with a tone of conviction in his voice. "Now..." Regulus presses one of his hands flat against James' chest and starts steadily pushing him back onto the couch. James feels as his cheeks flush when Regulus climbs on top of him, mouth hovering above his own collarbone, breath warm against James' skin. "I can prove I'm right if you'd like."
"Okay," James breathes, sure he would agree to just about anything Regulus might say right now.
Regulus peppers gentle kisses down the column of James' throat, so light and brief, he almost doesn't feel them. When he reaches the spot on James' collarbone that is identical to the place on Regulus' body that James just marked, his lips part around it. James' head falls back against the arm of the couch as his hands slip into Regulus' hair. One of Regulus' hands grips James' waist, and he can't resist him anymore. He cups Regulus' jaw and brings his lips back up to meet his own.
When they part, Regulus smiles. "See? It didn't hurt, did it?" He looks far too pleased with himself, James thinks, grinning.
"No, it didn't," he responds earnestly. Regulus is still lying on top of him. He folds his arms over James' chest and rests his chin on them, just staring back at him with a soft expression.
Shit, James thinks to himself as he notices a familiar tautness in his chest. A particular warmth that ignites his entire body, mind and soul. Something he's only felt once, in this way anyway, for one boy. Something he didn't think he would be able to feel again.
His heart quickens in his chest.
Boom-boom
Boom-boom
Boom-boom
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Alice and Remus are a duo that I absolutely adore (just imagine him not only being "uncle Moony" to Harry, but to Neville, too).
- I know you're all DYING for wolfstar to hurry up and get together - so am I. Genuinely. They're killing me, but there's a plan, so we've got to hang in there 😭
- "Kinky" - this killed me honestly.
- Protective Regulus is one of my favourite Regulus'. And him being protective over Remus is just ahhhhh to me.
- It made me so sad when I was reading this back and the wolf mentioned never having felt the outdoors before. Like. Yeah, he hunts humans, but so do lions.. he's an animal, and it's just upsetting that he hasn't had the chance to so much as feel grass before. I don't know about anyone else, but it reminds me of how some zoos and circuses treat(ed?) animals.
- Okay, things are getting real. Horcruxes have been mentioned (I've had this set up and planned for ages - there's a hint to this back in second year hehe).
- James being scared that he's going to hurt Regulus is so sad :( But Regulus knows exactly what to do, he is prepared. Also, not James thinking he hurt him because he gave his boyfriend a hickey 😭 Someone hug this boy.Happy New Year, all! Thanks for the love on the last chapter <3 We are now halfway through this fic, I can't believe it! See you next week :))
-Rue
Chapter 61: Fifth Year: Forgotten Encounters and Sixteen Candles
Summary:
Regulus and Lily have prefect rounds together. Someone gets injured... badly. Sirius turns sixteen.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-bullying/discriminatory behaviour (Mudblood)
-someone is obliviated against their will
-hickeys/bruises
-brief mention of a broken bone
-underage drinkingLet me know if I missed anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And we would fall down,
and we would slowly fall apart
we would slowly fall into the dark
~ Michael Schulte
Wednesday - 22nd October, 1975
Regulus
Sometimes, Regulus thinks there must be some sort of higher deity. And most of the time, he thinks that if there is, they most definitely hate his guts.
He doesn't always mind his prefect rounds, especially when he gets paired with Scarlett or Remus. The Ravenclaws aren't terrible company either, both preferring not to speak unless it's necessary, which Regulus is glad about. The Hufflepuffs are fine, a bit chatty, but not unbearable.
Then, there's Lily Evans.
Regulus has been paired with her four times now, which is a lot considering it's only the eighth week back. There's nothing wrong with her per say, she's actually a very lovely person, and Regulus knows Pandora is taken with her. It's just... she's the only person Regulus has ever really been jealous of, and it isn't an emotion he's used to experiencing. He hates it, actually. It's a pointless emotion that only affects himself. Sure, Evans tends to be the victim of a few deadly glares every now and then, but that isn't hurting her. Most of the time, she doesn't appear to even notice.
Maybe that's what Regulus doesn't like about her. She never notices. Doesn't she know that James is his ? It's been a while since she's looked at him as anything more than a friend, but Regulus doesn't know how she acts around James behind closed doors. He is certain James would never do anything, not whilst he's with Regulus anyway. But what if, one day, he decides Regulus isn't the one he wants? What if, one day, he realises Lily wants him and chooses her instead?
It's a stupid worry, he knows. James has confirmed that he doesn't feel anything more than friendship towards the red head, but Regulus knows how quick someone's feelings towards a person can change. He used to think the world of Narcissa, and now look at their relationship. It's in tatters. He used to think he didn't care for Remus Lupin, and now they're friends. He used to think he didn't like James, when really he liked him a bit too much.
Lily Evans should be the least of his worried, what with everything else that's going on around him. Somehow, as she rounds the corner of the dungeons (because she offered to meet Regulus outside his common room), he manages to prioritise the jealousy burning like fire in his chest over all the rest.
She smiles when she notices him leaning against the wall. "Hey, Regulus."
"Hi," he mumbles, refusing to make eye contact with her. At this point, he's just being petty, but he isn't above that.
"Would you like to start down here or do the ground floor and then check the dungeons when we come back this way?" She asks as they start walking side-by-side down the corridor.
"We might as well get the dungeons done first," he says, voice blank as he speaks. He doesn't need Evans to go back to Gryffindor Tower after this and complain to James that he hasn't been playing nice.
"I was hoping you would say that. I like to get the dungeons over and done with," Evans admits, sending him a wan smile.
"Why?" Regulus cuts her a hard look. He knows Gryffindors and Slytherins have their whole rivalry thing going, but he had thought that Lily Evans, befriender of twats like Severus Snape, was above that sort of thing.
"I'm a Muggleborn," she raises her eyebrows like that's supposed to mean something to him. It does. Not because it makes a difference to him, but because it makes a difference to other Slytherins. The dungeons, especially at night, are a bad place to find yourself if your anything less than a Pureblood. "It's worse nowadays. You know, the last time I was on rounds, I had to stop a sixth-year student from hexing a first-year? It's absolutely horrible."
Regulus can't help but agree with her, inwardly. On the outside, all he does is blink. He couldn't have people that he didn't trust, people like Lily Evans, thinking he thought differently to how his family did. It's alright when it's James who won't go around yelling from the rooftops that Regulus isn't a blood purist like the rest of his family, because he knows what Walburga would do to Regulus if he did that. Lily Evans... well, she has no idea what his mother is like. Regulus needs to keep up appearances, Evans wouldn't understand that.
Fortunately, they don't run into any riled up Slytherins in the dungeons. They do, however, run into the Bloody Baron, who grumbles something about Peeves. Regulus makes a mental note to avoid the poltergeist tonight, knowing he's probably up to something particularly mischievous if the Baron is after him.
The most worrisome thing they encounter on the first three floors of the castle is a half-naked couple in a broomstick cupboard. Evans sends them on their way, apparently knowing them, even though Regulus is sure they are sixth-years. He notices one of them is a Gryffindor, the other a Ravenclaw. Regulus thinks the guy might be Anthony Bell, though he can't be sure.
Then, they make it to the fourth floor, and it's immediately evident that there's something going on down the corridor. Voices echo up the space, reaching Regulus and Lily, who share a look before hurrying down the corridor towards the noise. It sounds like there are at least three people involved, maybe four if he's correct. One of the voices sounds afraid - small and shrill like the person is struggling to speak at all, whilst the others are full of aggression.
Regulus really, really hopes this is just a couple of students having a misunderstanding.
He doesn't think it is.
They round the corner and come face-to-face with Amycus Carrow, Avery and Wilkes. The three of them are standing around a fourth student, caging them in against the wall. Each of them have their wands out, another wand has been thrown to the floor a little ways down the corridor.
The person they're cornering is small, they must be a first-year. She's visibly shaking on the spot, her Hufflepuff tie shining under the lit sconces.
"-fucking disgusting what they let in here nowadays."
"My father says it's scum like you to blame for the divide of our world. People wouldn't have to choose if you just didn't exist."
"Yeah, you should just stop existing-"
Regulus panics. Because he doesn't really know... what to do. If he stops this, then there will be questions. Questions that will get back to his mother. Either that or he would be at the mercy of these three trolls - and, really, he would rather die. If he doesn't stop this, Evans will notice and she'll probably go and tell James all about how Regulus just sat by and watched a student get attacked. He isn't stupid, he knows what this is about even before the word "Mudblood" is spat from Avery's mouth.
He realises he doesn't just want to stop Carrow, Avery and Wilkes because he's afraid of what James would say if he didn't, but because what they're doing makes him sick. It's a small thing, but it instils some hope inside him that he wasn't sure existed before. Because what is happening in front of him is disgusting. He's grown up being terrorised by his mother just for simply being born, for being the way he is, never perfect, never adequate enough. Just... never enough. It isn't the same thing, but he knows that is how this young Hufflepuff must be feeling right now. She's being punished for simply existing. It isn't right, to feel that powerless, that inadequate. It just isn't right.
Without thinking it through anymore, Regulus marches forward, Evans following his footsteps as he goes. He pulls his wand out and casts the first spell that pops into his mind.
"Cave Inimicum," he whispers, hiding himself from view. Evans falls to a halt, looking around for him. Unluckily, she doesn't find him, but Wilkes does find her. He nudges Avery and Amycus and gestures to her with a tilt of his chin. The other two boys look at Lily with malicious delight.
They don't notice as Regulus approaches them, pointing his wand directly in Amycus' grotty face. He watches the way Amycus eyes Lily up and down, a twisted grin slithers onto his face. He's looking at her like she's an animal, something he can control, or worse. Something he can kill.
"Expelliarmus," Regulus whispers, and, in a second, Amycus is landing in a heap on the floor at the other end of the corridor.
"You bitch, what did you do?" Avery hisses, stepping forward, but Regulus doesn't even give the Slytherin boy a chance to pass him before he's casting a stupefy. It's close-range, which means Avery will likely need medical attention, but Regulus really could not give a fuck right now.
Wilkes seems to hesitate, his eyes sharp on Lily. However, Regulus' spell must be washing off because, just as he's about to stupefy the boy, his eyes land on Regulus.
"Black?" Wilkes' eyes narrow with confusion, before something like clarity seems to fill his features. "What are you doing defending Mudbloods?"
"I'm not," Regulus counters, stepping to the side so that he's blocking the Hufflepuff girl from Wilkes' view. "This is my job, I'm a Prefect."
"So, you turn a blind eye. You don't send your housemates flying down the corridor," Wilkes snaps.
"If you're not careful, it'll be you next," Regulus says slowly, deadly.
Wilkes guffaws. "Oh, isn't this sweet? The Black heir supports Mudbloods. I wonder what mummy will think of this. She'll send another howler, I think."
"Petrificus Totalus !"
Regulus blinks and looks down at where his wand is in his lowered hand. He frowns and then turns to look at Evans, who is carefully putting her wand back into her pocket. She huffs and then moves towards the first-year girl, who is still cowering against the wall like she's afraid one of them will try to hurt her next.
"Are you okay, lovely? Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you... you're safe now," Evans whispers comfortingly, checking the young girl for injuries. "Did they do anything to you?"
"No," she shakes her head. "They didn't get the chance," the girl says before her eyes land on Regulus pointedly. Evans turns to follow her gaze. She glances at Regulus and then back to the girl.
"Come on, we can walk you back to your common room." She manages to get the girl away from the wall, which she had been clinging to like it was her only hope for safety. Evans turns to Regulus and quietly asks, "What should we do with these?"
Regulus glances at the three Slytherin boys, two passed out on the floor and one frozen but awake. Able to hear everything and anything they say.
He needs to play his cards right here.
"We should get Madam Pomfrey to retrieve them," Regulus murmurs, noting the way his tone remains blank. "You should take... uh, the girl back to her common room. I'll deal with them."
"Are you sure? It won't take me very long to-"
"Just go, Evans," Regulus snaps before turning his back towards her. She doesn't argue, but he listens as she hesitates before whispering "come on" to the first-year, and walking away. Regulus sighs and drops his attention to Wilkes' still form. He grimaces at the boy.
"You're not going to tell anyone about this," he says, kneeling on the ground beside the boy. He tightens his grip on his wand and weighs the pros and cons of what he is about to do. It's a spell he started practicing over the summer, some extra coursework he was offered by Flitwick. He accepted it because it would please his mother, which would ultimately make the summer a simpler time for him. The only thing is... he hasn't practiced the spell on anyone before, so he doesn't know if this will be successful, and if it's not, then this is a very, very dangerous decision. This might just be his greatest mistake yet.
Still, he knows he needs to do this. He has an image to maintain, has morals to hide.
Clenching his jaw, Regulus raises his wand towards Wilkes' head and lies the tip of it against the boy's temple. He watches as Wilkes' eyes start moving erratically, panic filling them. He probably thinks Regulus is about to curse him, or hex him.
Instead, he clearly whispers, "Obliviate," and watches as any and all understanding of the situation at hand is slowly extracted from Wilkes' mind. His eyes go blank and then fall gently shut.
No, he won't be telling anyone about this.
Because he won't remember.
Saturday - 25th October, 1975
It takes him a few days to confirm it, but Regulus is certain his obliviation spell was successful. He's seen Wilkes many times since that night, and not once has he gotten the impression that the other Slytherin remembers what happened. Regulus ultimately decided to remove the entire interaction from his memory, as well as Amycus and Avery's memories, not wanting any of them to blame Evans. Because they would, and then she would be in danger, and that would upset James.
It's the weekend now, and most of the school are off in Hogsmeade. Regulus isn't. He scheduled a Quidditch practice for the two hours before lunch. The only person on the team who seems to have a problem with this is Rabastan. He's annoyed that he won't be able to join his friends in the pub. Regulus wishes he could just kick him off the team, it would make his life so much easier.
At breakfast, Regulus sits between Pandora and Dorcas, which is a bit of a change to their usual seating arrangement during mealtimes. Usually, Evan is where Dorcas is sitting, but recently he's been choosing to sit on the other side of the table with Barty and Scarlett. Regulus thinks it might have something to do with how Barty has started acting like a blubbering mess whenever Evan is around. Regulus is almost certain that Barty doesn't know why he's acting that way; somehow, he's more oblivious than Regulus had been when he was crushing on James.
Pandora gently taps him on the shoulder, catching his attention. He turns to her with a small smile, feeling himself soften as soon as his eyes land on her.
"You haven't asked me what your flower is yet this year," she says, the faintest hint of a smirk stretches across her face.
"Honestly? I forgot... I've been a bit preoccupied this year," Regulus admits.
"Oh, I know," Pandora raises an eyebrow and sends a brief look towards the Gryffindor table. "How is lover boy anyway?"
"Shh," Regulus nudges her, throwing a subtle glance around the table. None of their friends are paying them any attention. When Regulus looks back to Pandora, his smile grows slightly. "He's good." Regulus' mind jumps back to last night; he and James were in Rowena's room, and they had gotten a bit carried away in the statue exhibit at the museum. Regulus' tie is done up a bit tighter than usual, trying to hide the line of hickeys James left along his collarbone the night before. "He's great, actually."
"I can see that," Pandora snorts. Regulus blinks and realises he'd let himself get carried away by the memories of James and his incredibly talented mouth. "So, your flower."
"Oh, right."
"Cyclamen," Pandora tells him, her expression expectant, like she thinks Regulus should know what on earth that's supposed to mean. "They represent a new path and separation... but they also symbolise love and family."
"Well, in my experience, love and family aren't exactly things that go hand-in-hand," Regulus grumbles before sighing. "What's your flower then?"
"A pink begonia," Pandora frowns.
"Is that a bad thing?"
Pandora meets his eye and smiles. "No. There are worse options."
"Regulus, Pan, look at this." At the sound of Evan's voice, the two of them turn back to face the rest of their friends. Each of them have ashen expressions on their faces, except for Barty, who looks like he's spaced out. Regulus frowns, concerned. Evan passes him a copy of The Daily Prophet, and Regulus instantly sees what's wrong.
HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED: THE MONSTER IN
CHARGE OF THE CULT NAMED THE "DEATH EATERS"
(to blame for the Wizarding World's most recent destruction)
Regulus drops the newspaper on the table and looks up to meet Evan's eyes. The two of them seem to have a silent conversation between themselves. They both know who is to blame, and, as much as they hate to admit it, those responsible for all of this are much closer to them than they would like. His eyes jump over to Scarlett, but she's no longer looking at him. She's staring into space with a look of fierce determination set on her face, it almost scares Regulus. He wonders what could be going through her head.
Dorcas is the first of them to speak.
"This war isn't ending anytime soon, is it?" Her expression is grave, as if it's only just hit her that the war will still be ongoing even when they aren't protected by this castle's walls.
"No, it isn't," Evan responds, sounding just as toneless as Regulus would if he attempted to speak. Pandora and Evan share a silent look, one Regulus doesn't understand, but it still manages to frighten him.
Quidditch practice goes as well as Regulus expected it would. Mika is doing an excellent job of observing Rabastan and watching out for the moment he fumbles the Quaffle. She works very well with Evan, and the two of them seem to get along, which Regulus knows will work in their favour during real matches. Rabastan, however, still acts as if he's the Captain instead of Regulus. He's thinking about having a word with the boy, but he doesn't know how to best approach the problem. Rabastan isn't exactly someone he wants to displease, not unless he wants to be punished by his mother, or worse, Bellatrix.
When they are on their way to the changing rooms, Regulus lingers behind the rest of them, mind going through each of his players' strengths and weaknesses. Serena has been doing a great job of blocking the Quaffle from any and all directions it could be coming from, and she's quick on her broom. The only possible issue Regulus could bring up to her is that, sometimes, she flies just a little bit too close to the hoop. This could be bad for two reasons - one, if she attempts to catch a Quaffle that's gone too high, she might accidentally crash into the hoops and injure herself, and two, it gives her less range and, therefore, a lower chance of catching the Quaffle. Not that that's been a problem so far.
Violetta is a fantastic Beater. She and Barty have great chemistry during games, acting as a unit against the Bludgers. Regulus doesn't think he has ever seen Barty work so well with another player before.
Regulus' thoughts are disrupted when something firm pounds him on the back. He stumbles forward a couple of steps and then turns quickly, only to find Rabastan at his side. There's something sharp, something curious, in the way he looks at Regulus, like Rabastan can hear everything he's thinking. It makes his skin prickle.
He feels as his occlumency walls lift up on instinct, not that he thinks Rabastan knows legilimency, but he can never be too careful.
"Sorry, Black. I didn't mean to startle you," Rabastan says in a casual voice, catching Regulus by surprise. "I'll try calling your name next time instead."
Regulus blinks. "Er... yeah, no- I mean, it's okay. Can I help you with something?"
"I assume you saw the news this morning," the other boy grins. Regulus feels something heavy settle in his stomach, weighing him down. His expression turns blank, better that than pretend to be pleased with what he read this morning.
"What about it?" He asks monotonously.
"Brilliant, isn't it? We're making the front page, that means we are having a bigger impact than we thought was possible so soon."
"We?"
"Of course," Rabastan's grin turns sinister, his eyes more hooded. "The Dark Lord only accepts the best. You're a Black. I'm sure you'll be one of his most trusted, as soon as they let you in the meetings that is." He snickers and goes to nudge Regulus with his elbow, but hesitates right before they make contact. Honestly, that throws Regulus off a bit. How can Rabastan be capable of respecting Regulus' physical boundaries, but also just be alright with talking about mass genocide like it's his favourite pastime?
And then, there's what he said.
I'm sure you'll be one of his most trusted.
Regulus doesn't want to be one of his most trusted. He doesn't want to be one of the Dark Lord's anything. He just wants- Well, he doesn't exactly know what he wants. To be free, maybe. But the mere thought of that terrifies him, too. He's been trapped his whole life, his oxygen has only ever been sparse. He's worried that if he's one day granted an appropriate amount, he'll drown under the pressure. What if he'll never be free? And not just because his mother doesn't let him, but because he doesn't know how to survive if he isn't being pressed beneath someone's thumb.
"How old were you when they started letting you into meetings?" Regulus questions, hoping Rabastan won't give him the answer he's dreading.
"Seventeen, but they let Selwyn in when he was sixteen. His family has more influence than mine, which is why the bastard got a leg up," Rabastan scowls. Then, he turns to Regulus and smirks devilishly. "You're important. I'm sure you'll get a visit from him soon. I can't imagine your mother will allow you to wait until you're seventeen."
"No," Regulus mumbles, feeling numb. "She wouldn't," because he knows his mother, he knows she's already made her choices about his future. He just hadn't pictured this, which might have been naïve of him, but he's picturing it now. His future lies with the Dark Lord.
Regulus feels like he just might drown under the pressure.
That evening, Regulus, Barty and Evan spend a couple of hours getting ready for Slughorn's Halloween "bash". Just like last year, they are allowed to bring dates, so those of them that are a part of the Slug Club invited those that aren't, that way they can all go and enjoy the night together.
Regulus has been trying his best not to think too much about the fact that James is going to be there, and he's going to be all dressed-up in fancy clothes, and Regulus isn't even going to be able to look at him for more than three seconds without seeming strange. He distracted himself all afternoon by reading Godric's book, which he borrowed from Godric's secret room. James showed him it last week, and Regulus is reluctant to admit that it was actually pretty fucking cool. Very Gryffindor-esque, but Regulus has accidentally come to appreciate that about things. James is to blame, he's sure.
The book he chose stuck out to him immediately. There were others he could have taken, ones that definitely intrigued him, but this one bothered him. Regulus isn't trying to brag (he absolutely is), but his family's library holds almost every magical book in the entire world, including very illegal and very ancient ones. And yet, Regulus has never heard of Horcruxes before.
After reading the first few chapters of Godric's notes on the subject, he can see why he might have never heard of them. Not only are they thousands of years old, but they are so incredibly dangerous that only a few people in the whole history of the Wizarding World have ever heard of them. Godric's findings cleverly don't note how to create a Horcrux, but they do mention several ways how to destroy one.
Honestly, if Regulus wasn't reading a book from one of the greatest Wizards in the world, he would have thought Horcruxes were simply make-believe. A horrible nightmare to deter children from seeking immortality through dark magic. Because how on earth can it be possible to not only split your soul into separate pieces, but to then store it away into an inanimate object. Putting something metaphysical into something physical that isn't your body should be impossible. Yet, apparently, it isn't.
He only has a couple of chapters left of the book, but he'll have to wait to read it until tomorrow.
Barty and Regulus are waiting patiently for Evan to come out of the bathroom, as he is the last of them to use it. They really should be going on their way in the next five minutes if they want to make it on time.
"Evan, are you nearly finished?" Regulus calls through the door, only to be met with silence.
Barty steps forward and knocks loudly on the door. "Hey, Ev. What are you-"
The door swings open, revealing Evan, who is now dressed in indigo dress robes that match his eyes and contrast with his dark complexion. His hair has been fluffed up a bit, which is the complete opposite of what Regulus has done. Unfortunately, he has a name to live up to, which means presenting himself the way an heir should look. So, his hair has been combed back and then kept there with magical gel, making his curls look silky to the touch.
Barty has done no such thing. He's still got the blonde in his hair, which is sticking out in all directions like he really couldn't care less about his appearance. Regulus knows that's true. Barty's dress robes are dark green; the colour makes the emerald hidden in his brown eyes stand out. Regulus' robes are similar to Barty's, only his are accented with black and silver, whereas Barty's are fully green.
"Are you ready?" Regulus asks, looking at Evan.
Evan isn't looking at him, he's looking at Barty. When Regulus glances at Barty, he notices the other boy staring back at Evan with a pale, petrified expression on his face. His eyes wander the length of Evan's body and then finally fall on his face. As if he's just been released from an enchantment, Barty shakes his head and slaps a grin on, before reaching forward and gripping Evan's shoulder with his hand.
"You clean up nice, Rosy," he says in a voice Regulus thinks is supposed to sound nonchalant, but instead sounds strained.
The muscles in Evan's jaw jump, as if he's clenching his teeth. After a moment, he manages a smile, as well as a quick, "Thanks."
Regulus rolls his eyes and starts heading for the door. He calls over his shoulder, "Come on, morons, we've got a party to get to."
Somehow, between leaving their dormitory and walking down two corridors to Slughorn's chambers, Evan and Barty get into a argument so terrible, they swear not to speak to each other for the rest of the night. It starts when Evan offhandedly mentions that his father forced him to invite Holly along with him.
"But you're not even a part of the club, you're coming as my date," Barty argues, eyebrows furrowed.
"Yeah, but I'm not actually your date, am I? Pandora invited her along for me," Evan shrugs, and that's all it takes for Barty to completely lose it. Regulus is almost relieved when he steps into the party and is immediately stolen away by Lily Evans of all people.
"Evans?" He asks, arching an eyebrow.
"Hey, Regulus," she smiles at him. Her arm is through his, which isn't exactly ideal for many reasons. One being that some of the older Slytherins who know his mother are here, so they might notice. That, and Regulus doesn't exactly like the girl, so he would rather not have her touching him.
As soon as she's pulled him far enough away from Evan and Barty, as well as the rest of the party, she lets go of him. Regulus hopes his confusion is evident on his face, because he has no idea why the fuck she just kidnapped him the moment he stepped through the door.
"What did you do to the Slytherins?" Evans whispers conspiratorially.
"What Slytherins?"
"Carrow, Wilkes and Avery. Remember? When we were on rounds, they were-"
"I remember, Evans. I dealt with them, why do you ask?" Regulus crosses his arms, not feeling in the mood to keep this conversation going for much longer.
"Well, I suppose I just expected they would do something about it. To you... or to me."
Regulus drops his arms as realisation dawns on him. Evans doesn't know he obliviated the boys, and she isn't going to find out. But she's right. It doesn't make sense for the three boys to have just let her get away with it.
"I can't help you there, Evans," Regulus shrugs. "I don't keep track of their every movements."
"It's a bit strange though, isn't it?" Her eyes search his for something, anything, but he gives nothing away as he stares blankly back at her.
"Not really. They're Slytherins - they probably find a thrill in watching you squirm as you wait for them to do something to you. I doubt they will act at all, so there's no need to panic about it."
"Thank you, Regulus," Evans smiles and reaches forward to gently squeeze his arm. He frowns, not having meant to reassure her. Though, he supposes that might be a good thing, this way she won't spend the next month or so bugging him about it.
Much to his relief, Dorcas and Pandora approach them, and Dorcas must notice the way Regulus is itching to get away, because she makes up some excuse about them having to find Scarlett. They do end up making their way over to Scarlett, who is standing with Evan and Holly near one of the windows. Holly is wearing silver robes and her hair is slicked back and pulled into a neat ponytail at the back of her head, making it look a bit like a blonde whip. It reminds Regulus so suddenly of Narcissa and how she used to look at the Black family balls when they were growing up. It feels so long ago now since they last spoke. Sometimes, Regulus feels sick with how much he misses her.
Just before they make it to where Scarlett, Evan and Holly are standing, Regulus' eyes spot James in the crowd. He's wearing some kind of Muggle suit that accentuates the muscles in his arms. He's wearing a tie, but it's loose enough that he's left a button on his shirt undone, showing a slither of his chest to the room.
Regulus' mouth goes dry.
Someone snaps their fingers in his face, forcing his attention away from James. He blinks and realises they've made it across the room. Scarlett is standing in front of him, a poorly hidden smirk curling on her face. She must have been the person who clicked her fingers.
"See something you like, did you? The decorations perhaps?"
Regulus tries his best not to glare at her.
It's a struggle not to stare at James for the rest of the night. Regulus swears he must have dressed that way just to rile him up. During dinner, Regulus sits with Scarlett and Dorcas on one side, and Evan and Holly on the other, whilst Snape, Evans, James, Alice and Barty sit opposite them. Barty hasn't spoken one word to Evan all evening, and Evan has been just as diligently ignoring him back.
Every now and then, Regulus will look up from his meal or he'll be speaking with Scarlett and will find his gaze slowly wandering across the table, landing on James. Each and every time, James is already looking at him. It's dangerous, and it's risky, but it's also exciting. Anyone could catch them, anyone at all.
During dessert, something truly unexpected happens.
Scarlett and Alice are conversing across the table, talking about something they have been learning in Charms, when they are interrupted. Regulus had been staring at James when Evans suddenly pushed her chair back and threw her serviette onto the table, looking beyond frustrated. She catches the attention of the entire table as she does so.
"-had enough of how you talk about it all, Sev. You really need to learn to grow up!" She hisses in a sharp whisper. Snape's eyes are narrowed as they look up at her, but he doesn't look angry, just tired.
"Me grow up? You're the one having a tantrum in the middle of a dinner party," Snape replies in a bland voice.
"Hey now," James cuts in, a polite smile on his face as he attempts to intervene. "I think that's a bit uncalled for, right? Lily's entitled to her opinions."
"And I'm entitled to mine, too, Potter," Snape snaps. He looks angry now as he stares at James with those horrid, beady little eyes of his.
"That isn't what I meant," James says, still sounding kind as he does so. Regulus doesn't understand where he gets his patience from. "You're right, this is a dinner party. We're supposed to be enjoying ourselves." He glances up at Evans. "Lily, do you want to stay or would you like to leave?"
Evans looks at James and then Snape, and then back at James again. In a voice so small that Regulus almost doesn't hear it, Lily murmurs, "I want to leave."
Pandora stands from her chair a little ways down the table and walks towards where Lily is standing. "I'll walk back with her so that you don't have to leave the party, James," she offers.
"Oh, are you sure? I don't mind," James says.
"Of course, I'm sure," Pandora smiles at him. Then, she takes Lily's hand and leads them towards the exit. James clears his throat as the silence in the room appears to finally hit him. Slughorn says something that has people jumping back into their conversations. Regulus, however, remains silent as he watches James across the table. James doesn't look like he knows what to do with himself.
Dorcas takes pity on him and pulls him into a conversation about their Care of Magical Creatures class that they share together. The rest of the night passes much the same as it began. Regulus continues to try and avoid looking at James at all, but it doesn't work out very well. Snape remains silent in his seat until Slughorn dismisses them all.
Friday - 31st October, 1975
Regulus wakes up to a half-empty dorm on the morning of Halloween, which isn't really unexpected nowadays. Barty and Evan still aren't talking to each other, and Evan seems to be spending all of his free time with Holly. Regulus knows it's out of spite. It's working, too. Barty has been in a foul mood for almost a week now, and, what's worse is, Regulus is pretty sure Barty has no idea what he's actually upset about.
He and Barty get ready for the day without speaking. The absence of Evan is uncomfortably obvious. Regulus wonders if he'll be eating breakfast in the kitchens with Pandora again today, or if he'll finally join them. He doubts the latter will happen.
They meet Dorcas and Scarlett in the common room, and the four of them make their way up to the Great Hall. Much to the surprise of all of them, Pandora is sitting at the Slytherin table, and Evan is still nowhere to be seen.
"Morning, Pandora," Dorcas says as she takes a seat beside the girl, leaving a gap big enough between them for Regulus to squeeze into. As soon as he's sat, he turns to Pandora with a serious expression.
"Where's Evan?"
Pandora meets his eye with a worried look, her bottom lip trapped below her teeth. "I don't know," she whispers, careful not to let any of the others overhear her. "He isn't exactly... fond of Halloween. I think you should try to find him if he doesn't show up to lessons."
"Why wouldn't he show up to lessons?" Regulus frowns.
"Halloween holds rough memories for him," Pandora says quietly, mirroring Regulus' frown with one of her own.
"Rough memories?"
"None that have happened yet," she admits. At first, Regulus is confused, but then it hits him. Sometimes Evan and Pandora share dreams, visions of the future. Regulus wonders what on earth could have happened - or will happen - on Halloween that has gotten Evan so upset.
"Have you tried looking for him?" He questions, instead of asking why Evan doesn't like Halloween. Pandora probably wouldn't tell him anyway.
She shakes her head. "He wouldn't want to see me. Will you please try and find him if he doesn't show up before lunch?" There's something desperate in Pandora's eyes, something that instantly instils a horrible fear inside of him.
"Of course. Do you really think he's going to skip?" When she nods, he turns back to the rest of the table. He can't stop his mind from snagging on one question.
What is going to happen on Halloween?
Regulus has Herbology, which, much to his annoyance, is not a lesson he shares with Evan. Neither does Pandora, since she's in the same class as Regulus. Regulus is pretty sure Evan has two free periods this morning, actually, so it's strange he didn't sleep in like he usually does. Whatever is going to happen on this day in the future, it must be really terrible.
Coincidentally, Regulus was grouped with Dorcas and James in Herbology this year. Usually, Sprout will put friends together in groups, that way there is less risk of any brawls happening. He wonders if Slughorn had anything to do with this - he knows the Potions master and their Herbology teacher are friends, so it's likely.
They have been given the task to look after an egotistical sunflower, and it hasn't been going very well; every time someone compliments it, it preens too harshly and half of it's petals fall off. Regulus is just glad they only have to keep it alive until January, otherwise he probably would have given up with it by now.
Around halfway through the lesson, James knocks their shoulders together, and when Regulus sends him a questioning look, he smiles hesitantly. Regulus glances at Dorcas, who is busy trying to get the sunflower to eat the fertilizer they fed it twenty minutes ago, but it doesn't seem to want it. When he realises she isn't paying them any attention, he turns back to James.
"Are you alright? You keep spacing out," the other boy whispers, low enough for only the two of them to hear.
"Just tired," he lies, feeling bad as soon as he's done it. "Sorry, that's not true. Evan and Barty are fighting, and Evan has been avoiding the dormitory a lot, so I'm just worried about him I suppose."
"Oh, I'm sorry," James frowns. His hand reaches out as if to touch Regulus, but then he hesitates and takes a step back.
Regulus throws a quick look around the room, and then, when he notices no one is watching them, he shuffles closer to James. He lets their hands knock together and feels as a soft smile starts to grow on his face. "It's not your fault, James."
"I'm still sorry," James shrugs, showing off his wonky smile.
"Alright, I've had enough! You're a stupid fucking plant and I hope the sun burns the hell out of you!" Dorcas yells. Regulus raises an eyebrow and sends James a sidelong glance. Dorcas turns to face them and then thrusts a bag of chimaera dung into Regulus' hands. "Your turn. Good fucking luck is what I say." And with a final frustrated huff, she drops down onto her stool and crosses her arms over her chest, looking extremely ruffled.
"Would you like to give it a go?" Regulus asks James, offering up the bag of faeces to his boyfriend. And people say romance is dead.
"Not even a little bit," James laughs. "But," he sighs and takes the bag from Regulus' hands, "I'll do it for you, I guess."
"Yeah, alright, Potter," Regulus rolls his eyes, but sends James a secret look that says he's thankful, before going over to join Dorcas. They watch as James nurses the sunflower back to health for the rest of the lesson. As it turns out, Dorcas' insults towards it majorly bruised it's ego, which ends up being the true reason behind it's recovery.
Regulus is planning on spending his entire free second period searching for Evan, even though he doubts he will be able to find him in an hour. However, just before he leaves Herbology, James gently grabs his arm and pulls him off to the side and, somehow, tells him exactly where Evan is.
"How on earth do you know that?"
"I have my ways," James winks before turning and leaving, throwing a, "See you around, Regulus," over his shoulder.
It doesn't take Regulus very long to get to the courtyard. He wonders why Evan chose here out of anywhere in the whole school to hide out. Regulus thinks James was mistaken as, at first, he can't actually see Evan anywhere, but then he looks up and catches a glimpse of his friend's bright-white hair in the tree.
Regulus doesn't really mind heights; he supposes that has something to do with having to climb up an unstable drainpipe just to get into the museum, which he's been doing for years now. So, with a sigh, he drops his bag onto the floor and starts climbing. Right before he reaches the part of the tree Evan is at, the other boy notices him and looks down with a frown.
"Regulus, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Climbing a tree - what does it look like I'm doing?" He huffs.
"I don't know, but it sounds like you're trying to push a boulder up a mountain," Evan retorts.
"Shut up," Regulus tuts as he reaches Evan. He sits down on the branch opposite his friend and catches his breath before speaking again. "Pandora is worried about you."
"She's always worried about me," Evan grumbles, dropping his gaze to the floor.
"Evan," Regulus says seriously. Evan rolls his eyes before looking at Regulus again. "Look, I know you're mad at Barty, and I know you're going through something- I have no idea what, but I've heard it's terrible. That's not the point. What I'm trying to say is, we're your friends and we're worried about you. You should stop hiding."
"What are you talking about?" Evan frowns.
"Pandora told me."
"She told you?" There's surprise in Evan's voice, more than Regulus thinks he's ever heard from the boy.
"Not everything, but I know you're not going to have a very good Halloween at some point in the future. But that's in the future, Evan. Surely, it's not worth worrying about right now," Regulus utters, hoping Evan will agree with him.
"No offence, Regulus, but you have no fucking idea what you're talking about," Evan grits out, eyes sharper than Regulus has ever seen them. "It might be in the future, but it's- it's-"
"It's what?" Regulus asks in a small voice.
"It's going to be the worst of me," Evan rasps. He turns away suddenly and rubs the side of his face hidden from Regulus' view. Regulus thinks he might be crying, but when Evan looks at him again, he shows no sign of having just shed a tear. "I know Pandora wouldn't want me telling you this, Regulus, but you should know. The future, what I've seen of it anyway... it isn't anything to look forward to. We have three years left at Hogwarts and then-" His eyes sink shut. Regulus watches as Evan swallows, like he's having trouble coughing up the correct words to use. "I wish we could stay here forever," he whispers.
"At Hogwarts?"
"No. Here. Right now," Evan clarifies. He opens his eyes, but only stares down at the bark below him. "I wish we could be fifteen forever."
"Fifteen isn't so great, Ev," Regulus says, catching Evan's attention again. He shuffles in his seat. "Fifteen means being trapped. Fifteen means having no choice but to acquiesce. I don't know what the future holds, you're right, but surely freedom is some part of it, right?"
Evan holds his gaze for a second too long.
"Right?" Regulus inquires desperately.
"I hope so," Evan nods, but his face gives away what he's truly thinking, what he doesn't have the heart to tell Regulus.
Saturday - 1st November, 1975
Regulus is at the Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw Quidditch match - James' first game as Captain. What he should be doing is focussing on each players' strengths and weakness; he should be assessing their tells, finding out what makes them lose focus.
Instead, he's staring at James.
It's not his fault, okay? It's just. Well, James isn't exactly bad to look at it. If Regulus is being entirely honest with himself, he knows James is bloody gorgeous, especially when he's flying. His body is leant as close to his broom as possible, making it easier for him to move faster. One of his hands has a tight grasp on his broom, each finger perfectly splayed and placed to ensure he won't lose his grip. The Quaffle is tucked in his opposite elbow - with the angle James' arm is at, the muscles in his biceps flex. Then, there's his hair. It's gone manic from how windswept James is, but somehow, it's never looked better. His cheeks are painted red and his skin is slick with sweat.
Regulus can't look away.
Gryffindor are ahead by sixty points at the moment, which is great considering the game has been going for over two hours now. Usually, in the case of a longer game like this, the tally tends to be quite even. But James has trained his team very well.
Regulus is currently sitting between Evan and Barty, who are still refusing to so much as look at each other. He's resigned trying to fix whatever it is that's going on between the two of them now, and has decided he will leave it up to them to sort out. He has other, more important things to focus on.
Exhibit A: James Potter's biceps.
Maybe if he were able to look away, he would have seen what was coming next before it happened. Maybe he would have been able to yell out a warning. He's certain Tonks did, he can hear his shout in the back of his mind, but it doesn't register over everything else.
One moment, James is closing in on the hoops, Quaffle safely under his arm, and the next, he's plummeting to the ground. Regulus didn't even see the Bludger coming, not until it hit James' shoulder at full force, throwing him from his broom. From the looks of it, James isn't conscious when he reaches the ground. Well, not the ground. Hooch has a stretcher waiting for him, which she lowers him to.
James' shoulder, the one that was hit, lolls off the side of the stretcher at an awkward angle, very clearly broken.
Regulus feels as his own shoulder is firmly shaken, so he turns towards the cause of it, but his eyes never leave where James is laying lifelessly.
"Regulus," Evan whispers, shaking him again. Regulus blinks and finally looks at his friend. "Don't panic, he'll be fine-"
"James," he mumbles, panicking.
"I know, I know, mate. But not here- you can't- Oh, for fuck's sake. Come on," Evan grabs his forearm and starts dragging him through the stands. Regulus has no idea where they're going at first, not until Evan starts trudging towards the castle.
"Evan," Regulus squeaks.
"He's going to be okay," Evan assures him. The pure certainty on his face almost manages to convince Regulus. "We can go and wait outside of the hospital wing and we'll see-"
But Regulus doesn't catch the second half of Evan's sentence. His brain finally manages to catch up to his panic, and the moment it does, he's sprinting towards the castle. He doesn't think he's ever ran so fast before. The only thing going through his head is the image of James laying, unmoving on the stretcher. He wasn't moving.
He wasn't moving-
He wasn't moving-
He wasn't moving-
He wasn't-
Regulus hurries into the castle and then rushes down the two corridors between himself and the infirmary. When he gets there, the doors are firmly shut, which only makes him spiral further as his anxiety grows. He needs to get to James, needs to know that he's okay, that he's breathing.
Merlin, was he breathing?
Regulus can't remember. Why can't he remember? That isn't the sort of thing he should forget, right? But he was so focussed on how James wasn't moving, that the possibility of James not breathing didn't even hit him.
Evan catches up with him, instantly placing a careful hand on his shoulder. They're both panting, trying to catch their breath, but Regulus can't. How can he catch his breath when James might not be breathing at all right now? It seems impossible.
"We should move," Evan tells him, not waiting before he starts pushing Regulus a little ways down the corridor and into a nearby alcove. Regulus doesn't know why, not at first, not until Remus, Pettigrew, Evans and Alice suddenly come rushing down the corridor. Remus doesn't hesitate before bursting through the hospital's doors and marching inside. The others follow behind him.
"Reggie, you need to breathe," Evan says, recapturing his attention.
"I can't," Regulus croaks. His throat feels tight, he's not breathing, James wasn't breathing... was he?
"You can, come on, breathe with me..." Evan keeps talking to him, but Regulus' mind blocks him out as it focuses on one thing, and one thing only.
If James isn't breathing, then Regulus doesn't think he will ever be able to again either.
He feels himself sliding down the wall, not stopping until he hits the floor. His head drops between his knees as he really tries his best to do what Evan says, to just breathe, but he can't.
"Evan, he's... is he going to wake up?" He whispers.
"Yes, he is, I promise you. Pot- James is going to be just fine," Evan promises. Regulus looks up at him with desperate eyes.
"How do you know that?" His bottom lip trembles as he speaks.
"Because I've seen him, in the future," Evan tells him. Regulus stares up at him with a shocked expression.
"You've seen him?" Regulus blinks.
"Yes," Evan nods.
"Okay," he whispers. Even though he didn't cry, his throat feels raw like he did.
They stay there like this in the alcove for what feels like days, but must only be an hour. It doesn't take very long before the rest of Gryffindor's team comes rushing down the corridor. Tonks, just like Remus, doesn't have a problem with pushing through the doors to the infirmary and sauntering in like he owns the place.
Around ten minutes after that happens, Remus comes out of the infirmary. Alone. Regulus takes this as an opportunity and doesn't hesitate as he stands and starts striding down the corridor towards him. Remus notices him almost immediately, and he must see the worry on Regulus' face because he moves towards him instantly.
They meet in the middle. Regulus doesn't give Remus the chance to speak first.
"Is he okay?" His voice comes out strong, even though he feels like he's dying inside. If Remus says no, he doesn't know what he'll do.
"Poppy said he's got a concussion, but he's okay," Remus nods.
Regulus finally breathes.
"Is he awake?" Regulus asks cautiously.
"Not yet, but he should be awake by tomorrow morning," Remus tells him. Evan, who had until then been lingering behind Regulus, moves to stand beside him. He and Remus simply look at each other, neither appearing bothered by the other's presence. Regulus hopes Evan won't question him later about how comfortable he seems to be with Remus. He would rather not admit that he's not only dating a Gryffindor, but he's also befriended one.
He's also hoping Evan doesn't bring up James and Regulus' relationship, because Remus doesn't know about that little detail.
"Do you know who did it?" Regulus can't hide the way his voice cracks with hatred.
"The new Ravenclaw Beater," Remus explains, "It was an accident, she miscalculated."
Regulus doesn't care if it was an accident or not, this person hurt James. They could have killed him. If they had... Regulus doesn't even know what he would have done. It doesn't even bear thinking about.
Remus sends an anxious look towards the infirmary. "You should probably go. Sirius could come out at any minute, and he's pretty pissed at the moment. If he sees you here... I just don't think either of you are in the right headspace right now to deal with each other."
"Y-" Regulus starts, but he's cut off by Evan, who steps in front of him.
"That's a good idea, right, Regulus? Thanks for the update, Lupin. See you around," Evan says, and Remus nods amicably at him. Regulus sighs, knowing that arguing would be pointless, and follows Evan.
Sunday - 2nd November, 1975
Regulus finds out at breakfast the next day that Gryffindor somehow ended up winning the match even after what happened to James. He knows, at least, James will be happy about that.
He goes to Potions club, knowing James won't be there. Disappointment still fills him at the sight of their table empty. Slughorn instructs him to join another pair, so Regulus chooses to work with Pandora and Evans. He doesn't help out very much, since his mind is elsewhere. It must be obvious, too, because near the end of the session, Evans nudges his hand with her own to catch his attention.
"What?" He mumbles, not bothered about whether he's being rude or not. He doesn't really care about anything today.
"James is awake," she whispers with a small smile, "and the boys will be kicked out at curfew." She winks and then turns back to her work.
Regulus frowns. He takes a moment to think about... all of that. Especially the wink, what was that for? Does she know something?
"Evans," he hisses, reclaiming her attention. "Why did you tell me that?"
She shrugs. "I know you guys usually meet up at night, right? That, and James was asking to see you."
"He was?" Regulus asks, shocked.
"Yeah, you should have seen him. He waited until the boys left to get breakfast and then turned to me with the biggest eyes I've ever seen and asked me if I could beg you to come and visit him." Evans chuckles.
"He asked you to beg ?" Regulus snorts.
"He did. It was a bit pathetic," Evans nods.
Regulus can't help the laugh that falls out of his mouth.
He sneaks out of his dormitory at midnight, wanting to make sure he won't be caught by any "Marauders" - honestly, who has a group nickname at fifteen-years-old? (Sometimes he has to forget that he's willingly dating one of them.)
Luckily, he manages to get by without being caught by any Gryffindors, Prefects, or Filch. It doesn't take him very long to get to the infirmary, and when he does, he quietly slips through the door, trying his best not to make a sound. Evans informed him that James was in the third bed up on the left, so Regulus instantly makes a beeline for that bed. There are curtains drawn around it, likely to give James some privacy, so he doesn't see Regulus coming.
Regulus gently pushes through the curtains. James is lying in bed, facing the opposite direction in his sleep. He's still wearing his glasses, the idiot. Regulus smiles fondly at him and takes a careful step forward, his foot scuffling against the floor. He almost jumps when James' head turns, eyes wide open as he looks at him.
"Reg?" James whispers, reaching up to knuckle at one of his eyes. It's an endearing little action that makes Regulus want to cry. He's so glad James is okay.
"Hey, baby," Regulus replies, making his way over to the hospital bed. James moves over, grunting as he does. Regulus slides under the covers and turns to face James. "How's your shoulder?"
"Hurts like hell. I can't shrug anymore, Reg! I know that probably doesn't sound like a problem, but you'd be surprised by just how many times a person shrugs in one day."
Regulus laughs, covering his mouth with his hand so that Pomfrey doesn't overhear him. James reaches out and carefully pulls his hand away from his face before linking their hands together and settling them on the bed.
"I've missed your laugh," James says.
"You make it sound like you haven't seen me for weeks."
"It feels like it," James chuckles. "I haven't seen you since Friday, so it's been over forty-eight hours. Too long, if you ask me."
Regulus smiles. "You're an idiot."
"Mhm, I know," James mumbles as he drops his head onto Regulus' shoulder, nuzzling at his neck. Regulus places a kiss onto the crown of James' head and reaches up with his free hand to run it through James' hair.
"I missed you, too," Regulus whispers. James turns his head just enough for them to be able to look at each other. He's grinning, which is just so James Potter of him. He's probably in immense pain right now, and yet there's no frown in sight.
"I knew you would," James giggles. Regulus kisses the laughter out of his mouth. Kissing James feels like breathing again. Maybe he's being dramatic, but for a moment there, he really thought he might never feel this again.
His hand slides out of James' hair and moves to cup the boy's jaw, pulling him in closer as the kiss deepens.
Breathe,
Breathe,
Breathe.
***
Monday - 3rd November, 1975
Sirius
Sirius' sixteenth birthday begins with James getting released from the hospital wing. Sirius has been full of nothing but guilt since Saturday's game. It's his job to keep the Bludgers away from the other players, and he failed. He failed James.
It wasn't a simple little injury either. Sirius can still remember the sound of James' shoulder shattering into pieces. James has assured him that he passed out almost instantly, but Sirius doesn't know if he believes him. He could just be saying that to make Sirius feel better.
They go to the infirmary before breakfast to pick up James, who looks much better than he did yesterday. Whatever potions Madam Pomfrey has had him on for the last couple of days have obviously worked miracles. James goes around asking them all for high fives to "prove" that his arm is back to new. Poppy tuts disapprovingly as each of them hit James' hand enthusiastically.
"Happy Birthday, Sirius!" James announces as they are on their way to breakfast. "Sorry, I should have said that earlier. How does it feel to be sixteen?"
"It feels pretty good," Sirius nods, smirking. "This year is going to be my year, I can already tell."
"Your year?" Peter asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, you know, only good things will happen. This is supposed to be the best year of our lives, the one we'll never forget!"
"Or the one where you have no memory of half the year because you were blackout drunk for it," Remus remarks, sending Sirius a teasing look. He's been different ever since the day started, like he suddenly remembered that oh, yes, Sirius does exist. He wonders if Remus will go back to completely ignoring him when tomorrow comes along.
Peter has been in a better mood recently, too, although that probably has something to do with the fact that he and Benji made up a couple of days ago. Benji came to the hospital wing to see if James was alright, and one look at Peter was all it took for him to pull him into his arms. Peter has told Sirius that he and Benji have spoken about Peter dropping his dream of being an artist, and Benji said that he won't comment on it if Peter is actually happy with what he's choosing to pursue instead.
Sirius is just glad they're speaking again. It has been a rough couple of weeks.
Sirius gets bombarded as soon as he's sat down at the Gryffindor table. First, Jess comes over and wraps him up in a hug from behind before pressing a kiss to his forehead. He wishes him a Happy Birthday and then passes him a small, wrapped box. When Sirius opens it, he finds a necklace inside with a silver, star-shaped pendant on it. He quickly closes the box the moment he hears Remus wince. He'll need to transfigure that later.
Second, Xeno drops down into the seat between Sirius and Marlene and then forces Sirius into one of the tightest hugs he's ever received.
"Here, I have two presents for you. One from me and one from Astro," Xeno says before pulling out two unwrapped gifts. "This one is from me." Xeno holds out a long, golden... stick? Sirius isn't sure what it is. It's got a small lionhead on one end of it, which has red-jewelled eyes. It's mouth is open, baring it's fangs.
"Thanks, mate. Uh... what is it?" Sirius asks.
"Korean people call it a binyeo. It's a hair stick. Binyeo sounds better though."
"Oh!" Sirius grins. "So, I can put my hair up with it?"
"Yeah, and Astro got you these star-shaped hairclips," he flourishes the second gift and Sirius accepts it with a thank you. "We know how much you take pride in your hair, so we thought we would give you some things to experiment with."
"Thanks, Xeno," Sirius smiles. "Where's Astro? I want to thank him, too."
"He's in the library getting some last-minute work done," Xeno explains. "I should probably go because I said I'd meet him before class. Happy Birthday."
"See you," Sirius says.
Sirius receives a few more presents throughout the day, some from his friends, and some arriving from his parents. He doesn't want to pick favourites, but if he had to, he would say the gift Remus gives him ends up being the one that makes him smile the most.
He gives it to him just before they head off for dinner, waiting until the other boys are in the bathroom, leaving just the two of them in the room.
"Sorry, it's not a binyoyo, or whatever..." Remus mumbles, scratching the back of his neck as he watches Sirius tear the wrapping paper apart carelessly. "I saw it and it reminded me of that day during the summer when we went to the beach."
At first, Sirius isn't exactly sure what it is. It looks like a crystal ball, but it's got a bluer tint to it. Remus must be able to tell that Sirius has no idea what it is because, a second later, he starts explaining what Sirius is supposed to do with it.
"If you squeeze it, the effect should start working," Remus says.
Sirius does as is instructed and gasps the moment he realises what this present is. It feels like he's in the ocean. The weightlessness of the air around him, the way it feels like it's carrying him, it's like being in the sea. He looks at Remus with wide eyes.
"What is it?"
"A magical stress ball. I thought, well, I know you haven't really been that stressed out this year compared to other years... but if you ever need an escape, or if you just miss home, you can use this."
Sirius just stares at Remus as he blabbers away, feeling entirely overwhelmed. Remus is probably the only person who knows how homesick Sirius can get, and, somehow, he's managed to bring part of Sirius' home right to Hogwarts. A little piece of home he can carry in his pocket.
He cuts off Remus' ramblings as he wraps his arms around the taller boy. It causes a tautness to grow in his chest as he realises that they haven't done this for a while. It feels like it's been years since he's hugged Moony. Remus never lets himself get too close nowadays - Sirius wishes he knew why.
"Thank you," Sirius whispers into Remus' shoulder. Tentatively, like he's afraid he might break Sirius, Remus hugs him back. Relief washes over him as he pushes in closer, just wanting to feel. He's missed this. They used to be so much closer when they were younger. Sometimes, Sirius wishes he could go back and experience it all again.
Eventually, they pull apart, when the other boys finally leave the bathroom. Neither Sirius, nor Remus mention how long they hugged for. Instead, Sirius avoids his eye as they make their way down to the common room where the rest of their friends are waiting.
They go down to the kitchens for dinner, where the house-elves are happy to hear that it's Sirius' birthday, so they have an excuse to bake a cake. Sirius asks for chocolate, knowing it's Moony's favourite. It's one of his best birthdays, one he will look back to in years to come when he's searching for a time when they were all genuinely happy. A time before the war ever touched them.
Friday - 7th November, 1975
They decide to have a party on the following Friday. His friends insist it's for his birthday, but Sirius knows it's also a substitute for the party they didn't have the previous weekend for their Quidditch victory. Sirius doesn't mind either way, he's just glad they're having a party. It feels like it's been ages since they had one.
Violetta and Mary join the boys in their dormitory when they get ready. Mary has been begging to practice her makeup skills on Sirius for weeks now. He approached her this morning and asked if she would doll him up for the party. They are sitting on his bed now and Mary is drawing along the waterline of his eyelid. His eyes are watering, but he doesn't blink, because he did that once and Mary started shouting at him.
James is helping Violetta braid her hair across the room, Frank and Peter are busy getting changed, and Remus is in the bathroom at the moment. There's a record playing, Bowie's latest album called Young Americans. His parents sent it on his birthday, but Sirius has waited until today to listen to it. The music whirs through the room as background noise, hidden beneath all of their conversations.
Once Mary has finished applying eyeliner around Sirius' eyes, she starts to paint his nails. He chooses a dark-red colour, which Mary tells him will go nicely with what he's decided to wear tonight. It's a simple outfit consisting of a maroon Queen t-shirt, his leather jacket, and a pair of flared jeans.
Around halfway through the nail-painting process, Remus exits the bathroom, a gust of steam following him. His hair is fluffy, like he just used a drying charm on it, but his face is still damp from the heat. He's wearing a white t-shirt and a simple pair of faded jeans. When he reaches up a hand to run through his hair, his shirt rides up, showing off a slither of skin above his hip.
"Hey, Remus, could you turn the music up?" Violetta calls from across the room. Remus nods and moves over to the record player, turning the dial up almost all the way. When he turns around again, he catches Sirius watching him. "Is that what you're wearing?"
Remus blinks and suddenly his gaze is fixed on Violetta instead. "Hm?"
"It's a party, you can't just wear the first thing you pulled out of your drawers," Violetta tells him. James finishes tying up her final plait and then she gets up and moves across the room to where Remus is standing. "Surely, you've got something... nicer?"
"Probably, but I'm comfortable in this," Remus shrugs.
"Wait, I know how to fix this," Mary says, hurriedly painting Sirius' pinkie nail before jumping up from the bed and crossing the room to James' wardrobe.
"Help yourself," James snorts.
"I will, thanks," Mary grins at him. She fishes out an orange shirt, accented with white buttons, something Sirius doesn't think James has ever worn before. She moves over to where Remus and Violetta are lightly bickering about his clothes and holds out the shirt to Remus. "Put this on, it'll bring your whole look together."
Sighing, Remus takes the shirt and puts it on over his outfit. Mary was right, it does look more complete now. Remus crosses his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow.
"Happy?"
"Very," Mary says, patting him on the chest before moving back over to Sirius to dry his nails.
Sirius ends up using some of the clips Astro gifted him in his hair, as they match the necklace Jess got him. He doesn't wear his binyeo tonight, feeling it would be too much on top of everything else. Besides, he's been wearing it every day this week, so it's probably time for a change.
"Did you get the booze from Rosmerta's?" Sirius asks James in a quiet whisper before they leave the dorm. James nods and assures him that he and Peter went down there yesterday and got enough to last them for the weekend. Sirius thinks that's a bit optimistic of him, but he nods approvingly anyway.
The party kicks off right away. Music blasts through the common room, remaining inside the silencing spell Lily placed around the room before the party started. Three separate people pass Sirius drinks, and he accepts them all, gulping them down as soon as they are in his hands. He finds Jess not too far away, and the two of them make it a challenge to see who can get drunk first.
He spends an hour or so dancing with Jess and his friends, none of them caring about how ridiculous they might look. At one point, Sirius finds himself on Marlene's shoulders, which probably should be surprising, but she is slightly taller than him and she's a Beater. So, carrying Sirius is probably like picking up a feather to her.
When he goes over to the drinks table to cool down and catch his breath, he finds Bradley there. His friend has been doing much better over the last couple of weeks, which Sirius is happy to see.
"Brad," Sirius greets him with a clap on the back. "Want a drink?"
"Yeah, I'm just weighing my options," Bradley smirks. "Firewhisky will get me drunk faster than the cider will, but I would like to wake up without a pounding headache tomorrow. So, I'm stuck."
"Try this," Sirius instructs, handing Bradley the unopened bottle of Prosecco - something Anthony got him for his birthday to celebrate the "big sixteen", or whatever it was he'd said. "Stuff gets you drunk in like ten minutes."
"Cheers," Bradley says, pouring himself a cupful.
Queen's new song Bohemian Rhapsody starts playing, and Sirius lets out a noise of excitement. "Sorry, Bradley, gotta go! Catch you later." And with a final grin, he's off.
James appears suddenly by his side. They share a mischievous look and then hop up onto a nearby table, catching the attention of most of the party-goers. He and James have been listening to this song on repeat since Monday, they've even learnt a routine.
"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy... Because I'm easy come, easy go! " James sings.
"Little high, little low! " Sirius adds. Then, together, "Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me..."
They dance around each other, singing some parts by themselves, and then duetting others. Their shoes clack noisily against the table, but it's hardly noticed over their shouting of the lyrics.
"I see a little silhouetto of a man! "
"Scaramouche! "
"Scaramouche..."
"...will you do the Fandango? "
"Thunderbolt and lightning-"
"-very, very frightening me!"
Sirius squats down, whilst James pops up, singing, "Galileo! "
Then, they swap positions, as Sirius pops up and yells, "Galileo! "
"Galileo! "
"Galileo! "
Then, together, they stand again, "Figaro, magnifico! "
"So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? "
"So you think you can love me and leave me to die? " Sirius looks out at the crowd of people and finds Remus first. He's got that look on his face, the one where he is trying his best not to laugh at something stupid Sirius is doing, but he can't help it. "Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby..."
When the song is over, James and Sirius take dramatic bows and then James pulls him into a tight hug.
"That was so fun!"
"So fun!"
"We should do it again!"
"We should !"
"Man, I'm so drunk."
"Oh, man, me too," Sirius nods erratically. They stare at each other for a moment and then they're bursting into giggles.
Jess fights his way through the crowd until he's standing in front of the table James and Sirius are still on. "Having fun up there, Tonksy?"
"So much fun," Sirius breathes, grinning widely. "Help me down?"
Jess holds out a hand for him and makes sure he doesn't fall. Then, he helps James off the table, who thanks him by pulling him into a drunken hug. Jess chuckles and pats James on the back. They go back over to the actual dancefloor, where Lily chastises them for acting so recklessly, but Sirius apologises by kissing her cheek, which firmly stops her from scolding them. Sirius then pulls her by the hand and gets her to dance, which doesn't take very much convincing at all. In fact, she seems enthusiastic about the idea.
Wait a minute.
"Lily Evans, are you drunk?" Sirius asks, feeling as a grin begins to curl at his lips.
"No!" Lily argues. When Sirius gives her a pointed look, she huffs. "Fine. Maybe."
"FINALLY!" Sirius yells, throwing his arms victoriously. "We've corrupted Lily Evans!"
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Regulus being jealous of Lily will never not be funny to me - one day, they'll joke about this.
- We're slowly getting closer and closer to the war. I'm actually really sad that they aren't little kids anymore 😭
- If Rabastan is confusing you, there's a reason for that. Just trust the process and I promise it will make sense to you later on :)
- Not Regulus wondering what's going to happen on Halloween 👀 To be fair, it might not be what any of you are expecting. I have many very evil plans for the future of this fic :D
- Poor James :/
- I know Sirius' pov was really short... I'll make up for it in a couple of chapters. You guys are going to love Sirius' next pov :)))See you all next week <3
Chapter 62: Fifth Year: Bloody Hands and Burning Stars
Summary:
Never Have I Ever...
They have a bad moon.
Regulus and Sirius clash.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-underage drinking
-brief mention of sex
-brief mention of vomiting
-discrimination
-brief mention of students getting attacked/injured
-mention of blood
-brief mention of deathLet me know if I missed anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Don't kill me just help me run away
From everyone I need a place to stay
Where I can cover up my face
Don't cry, I am just a freak
~Surf Curse
Friday - 7th November, 1975
Remus
It's been a bit of a rough night for Remus. He blames Mary Macdonald for offering to do Sirius' makeup. As if he wasn't already difficult to look at, what with how beautiful he is. Now, Remus can't seem to look away. Especially not when Sirius is dancing the way he is, up on a table for all to see, swaying his hips this way and that to the beat of the song.
It only gets worse when Sirius' gaze meets his. Remus could just be delusional, but he swears he can see Sirius' cheeks turning redder as they watch each other. It's probably all the alcohol. Still, Remus doesn't look away. Not when Sirius grins at him, not when the other boy turns back to James, and not when the song ends and Jess comes to help him off the table top. Remus' eyes track Sirius across the room, where he pulls Lily into a dance. James, Peter and Mary are nearby, each of them laughing at Sirius and Lily's careless dancing.
"They're ridiculous."
Remus turns and finds Marlene standing beside him, a cup of Firewhisky in her hand, which she sips from periodically. He hums in agreement before returning his attention to the dancefloor, where James has noW been dragged into whatever it is Lily and Sirius are doing. Some might call it dancing, others would say it looks as if they are trying to complete some kind of ritual with the moves they're pulling out.
"You know," Marlene continues after a little while, "Sometimes I think that if I wasn't friends with them, I would hate them. Do you know what I mean?"
Remus frowns. He watches as Sirius, Lily and James spin around, taking up more space than they should. Their loud cheers can be heard from all the way across the common room. They have absolutely no spatial awareness whatsoever.
Yeah, Remus would probably hate them if he didn't already love them.
"I know what you mean," Remus nods, eyes following Sirius as he jumps onto James' back and throws an arm up in the air. He's grinning, his eyes alight with something that Remus thinks will feel like nostalgia in a few years' time. He looks happy.
"I'm glad we are friends with them, though," he adds, glancing back down at Marlene, who turns to him with warm eyes.
"Yeah," she smiles softly. "They're idiots, but they're our idiots."
She places her cup down on the table beside them and holds out her hand. Remus stares down at it for a moment before looking up at her with a raised eyebrow.
"You asking for my hand in marriage, Marls?"
Marlene rolls her eyes. "No, you pillock. We're going to join them." She wiggles her fingers as if to emphasise what she's just said.
"I'm not going over there," Remus laughs, shaking his head.
"Oh, yes, you are," Marlene states before grabbing his hand in a death grip and dragging him across the room. He goes with a winded grunt, surprised by how strong Marlene can be. She takes him all the way across the common room and only stops when they've reached the rest of their friends.
"Moony!" Sirius calls, still on James' back.
"I still don't get those silly nicknames of yours," Marlene sighs, shaking her head. "Where does one even get the name 'Moony'?"
"Did you flash someone your arse or something?" Mary chimes in, half-hanging from Peter's shoulder. He doesn't look any better himself.
"We'll never tell," James grins, sending a wink Remus' way.
"But you gave Lily one," Marlene notes.
"I thought you said they were silly," Peter points out, drunkenly poking Marlene's shoulder.
"They are," she huffs. "Doesn't mean it feels great to be left out."
"Alright, McKinnon. I'll come up with one for you right now," Sirius says, pressing his index finger to his chin in thought. They all stare at him as they wait for the expert mind of Sirius Tonks to work through all of the alcohol he's consumed tonight. After a moment, he clicks his fingers and says, "Aha! James, let me down."
"As you wish," James says before gracelessly dropping Sirius. He stumbles, but manages not to fall on his arse.
"Does anyone have a sword?" Sirius asks, glancing around the room.
Remus frowns. "What do you need a sword for?"
"You know, to knight her with her new name," Sirius explains in a tone that suggests that was obvious. He waves his hands through the air. "Never mind. Marlene McKinnon, I now dub thee 'Zoomer'."
"Zoomer?" Mary questions.
"Yeah because she zooms through the sky when she's flying. Our fastest player, she is," Sirius announces proudly.
"I like it," Marlene nods. "Now do Mary."
"No, I don't need-"
"Hush now, Macdonald. I'm trying to let inspiration strike," Sirius says, closing his eyes and dropping his head backwards until he's facing the ceiling. "Ooh! You can be 'Cupid', because you're always setting people up."
"I guess it's better than Trixie and Zoomer," Mary snorts.
"Hey!" Marlene and Lily chorus.
Remus rolls his eyes fondly at their antics before turning around to head towards the drinks table. He is stopped, however, by Mary and Peter, who look to be attached by the hip at the moment.
"Where are you going?" Peter slurs, hanging onto Mary like his life depends on it.
"To get a drink. I'm not even tipsy yet."
"I know how we can fix that," Mary smirks, her eyes twinkle in that scary way they do when she gets an idea.
"Oh no," Remus mumbles.
"Come on, it'll be fun!"
"For some reason, I seriously doubt that," Remus tells her, but he follows them back through the crowd anyway. When they get back to where the rest of their friends are, Mary proposes a game of Never Have I Ever to bring a bit of "zing" to the party (her words, not his). They all agree to the idea, and Lily is the one who suggests they take it up to the boys' dormitory rather than doing it down here with everyone, as there are far too many people at this party, so it wouldn't even be worth playing.
"Pete and I are going to go and find Frank, Alice and Azalia-" Mary starts, but is interrupted by Peter saying, "And Benji."
"-you go and find Jess," she points towards Sirius and James, who salute her before taking off into the crowd.
"Guess that leaves just us then," Marlene says, turning to Lily and Remus. "Come on, let's go grab the Firewhisky and some spare cups to take upstairs."
They all meet in the boys' dormitory ten minutes later. By the time Sirius, James and Jess step into the room, Remus is at the window finishing off his cigarette. There's one more puff left in it when Sirius approaches him.
"Mind if I have some?" He asks, holding out his hand.
Remus blows the smoke that is in his mouth out the window, eyes never leaving Sirius. Wordlessly, he holds out the last bit of the smoke and tries not to shudder when Sirius' fingers brush against his. Sirius brings it up to his lips and breathes it in, his eyes fluttering closed.
"Hey, addicts! We're getting started now with or without you," Lily shouts to them.
Remus blinks, only then having realised he was staring. He clears his throat and steps around Sirius, heading towards the circle his friends have made on the floor. He sits down between James and Lily, and only when he's sat does he realise he's sitting directly opposite Jess. When Sirius comes over, he doesn't sit next to his boyfriend. No. Instead, he decides to torture Remus further tonight by placing himself in between Jess' legs. He lies down against the older boy's chest and gives him a sweet smile.
Remus looks away.
"Since it's his birthday, I think Sirius should start us off," Mary says, raising her cup towards Sirius.
"Alright," he grins, leaning forward slightly. Jess' arm is around his torso. Remus wants to rip it off. "Never have I ever... been drunk in front of my parents and lied about it."
"The Potters' Christmas Eve party of seventy-four," Marlene cheers. They all drink, except for Benji and Lily.
"My turn?" Jess asks. Once he's received a couple of nods, he says, "Never have I ever tried to flirt my way out of a detention."
"You're not allowed to target people," Sirius complains, but he takes a shot anyway.
"I was actually aiming it at Mary," Jess laughs. "Wait. Which teacher did you try to flirt with?"
Sirius mumbles something that no one manages to catch.
"What was that, Tonks?" Marlene cups her ear.
"Oliver," Sirius admits. He huffs and drops down against Jess, crossing his arms.
"Oh, same," Mary nods.
"What? When?"
"A couple of weeks ago. I forgot to hand in the redcaps assignment," she shrugs.
"You were flirting with our Defence professor?" Jess raises his eyebrows.
Sirius looks up at him with an innocent smile. "Harmlessly."
Jess gently shakes his head and leans down to press a tender kiss to the tip of Sirius' nose. "You're a menace, Tonksy."
For something to do, so he doesn't have to keep watching that, Remus picks up his cup and gulps down half of his drink.
"You've flirted with a professor, Remus?" Azalia asks, looking amused at the mere thought of that.
"No, but it's nearly midnight and I'm still not drunk yet. Just trying to catch up," he smiles blandly before tipping back the rest of his drink into his mouth. He barely grimaces as it burns on the way down. James tops him up.
"Frankster, you're up," Sirius smirks, wiggling his finger in Frank's direction.
"Okay... uhm, never have I ever been in love."
"Boring!" Mary yells at the same time Azalia starts booing. The only people that don't drink to that are Lily, Mary, Marlene and Azalia. Remus almost chokes on his drink when he notices Sirius taking a sip of his. Their eyes meet over the rims of their cups before Remus quickly averts his gaze. He knows Jess and Sirius have been together for over a year, and he knows Sirius really likes the guy, but he didn't know they were in love... Jess drank, too.
"You've been in love, James?" Alice's voice calls attention to the rest of the overlapping voices in the room, and everyone turns to look at James, who shrinks under all of their gazes. Remus knows James used to be in love with his friend Harry, he might still be, too. He doubts James wants to tell everyone here about it, though.
"Yeah, sort of. It was a kid thing, you know? I'm sure the real thing is- will be very different," James answers.
"You all make me sick," Marlene pretends to gag. "Come on, next question. And no more gooey shit."
"I guess I'm up then," Alice chuckles. "Never have I ever blasted myself with my own spell." Her eyes fall on Marlene, who grumbles something before chugging back her drink. Much to Remus' amusement, Peter and Jess drink too.
"You're joking," Sirius says before cackling loudly. "When?"
"I was a first year and I accidentally picked my wand up the wrong way around," Jess explains unashamedly.
Sirius last about two seconds before he starts laughing again.
"Never have I ever," Azalia starts, "gone to a lesson with a hangover."
They all drink to that one. Even Lily, which surprises Remus because, as far as he knows, she's only been drunk twice. Both on weekends.
Peter must be thinking the same thing, because he leans forward and asks her about it. Lily just laughs.
"You think us girls only drink when we're with you lot?"
"Well... yeah," James says.
"Oh, you poor, sweet thing," Mary pats James on the cheek.
"Where are you getting your alcohol from?" Sirius frowns.
"Where do you get yours?" Lily counters, raising a sardonic eyebrow. "Right, never have I ever done more than snogging."
"Lily Evans!" Sirius gasps. "I've said it before, but I'll say it again - we really have corrupted you."
"I'm just trying to get some answers," she shrugs.
Remus watches as Frank and Alice side-eye each other, their faces glowing bright pink, before they simultaneously drink from their cups. Remus ignores the fact that Sirius and Jess do the same - they look at each other and then drink. Mary does, too, but that's a surprise to no one, as she is very open about what she gets up to, not feeling ashamed by it in the slightest. Remus wishes he had her confidence.
Peter, Benji, Lily, Marlene and Azalia don't even touch their drinks.
Remus does. And everyone in the room notices.
"What?"
"Who have you been getting freaky with, Moony?" Peter inquires, his words run together due to how much he's already drank tonight.
"None of your business," Remus grumbles. His head is pounding, he can definitely feel the effect of the alcohol now. "It's my go, yeah?"
"Uh... I have a question first," James says, holding his hand up. "What constitutes as more than snogging?"
Remus watches as Sirius' jaw drops open.
"Just... hypothetically," James adds, but the damage has already been done. Mary starts asking him a bunch of questions, and Sirius just keeps on gaping at him. Everyone else seems to have been shocked into silence.
"Let him breathe, Mary, my goodness," Lily tuts. "James, more than snogging means... well, you know."
James blinks. "I... don't know."
"Can someone please help me out?" Lily asks the room, sounding distressed.
"Alright, James," Mary grabs his chin and turns his head so that he's facing her again. "More than snogging means anything sexual. Actual sex, touching, grinding, anything that includes those parts of your body-"
"Ew, okay, that's enough," Peter groans.
"Yeah, I'm going to vomit in a minute," Azalia agrees, grimacing.
"There's nothing wrong with it. It's all natural," Mary assures James.
"Okay, then. I don't think so," James shakes his head, looking embarrassed by all the attention. "Remus, ask your question."
"Uhm..." Remus looks up at the ceiling as he thinks. "Never have I ever given someone a hickey."
"Fuck," he hears from his side. It's quiet, a whisper, but Remus hears it anyway. His eyes fall on James right as he takes a shot. He doesn't catch who else drinks, too busy staring at James in confusion. As far as he knows, James has only ever kissed him and Lily, and neither of those situations ended with hickeys.
"Damn, James, have you got a secret girlfriend we don't know about?" Sirius snorts.
James doesn't laugh back. He just quietly shakes his head and then looks down at his cup. Remus notices he's picking at the skin around his cuticles, so he reaches out and gently pulls James' hands apart.
James clears his throat. "Never have I ever... gone into the lake?"
"No psychopath would actually do that," Marlene guffaws.
Remus looks across the circle, only to find Sirius already staring at him. They share a brief smile, and Remus knows they are both thinking about that day back in third year when they were all playing hide and seek. Sirius had jumped into the Black Lake, and Remus, not knowing what else to do, had dove in right after him. They weren't found, and ended up appearing in the Gryffindor common room three hours later with half-drenched clothes from where they had attempted to use drying charms on each other, but it hadn't worked very well because they were soaked through and through.
They both drink from their cups, but no one seems to notice, too busy listening to Mary.
"Never have I ever snogged someone in this room," Mary grins. She looks at James and Lily, "Your little kiss in second year doesn't count, that was barely a peck."
Remus feels as James instantly goes still beside him. It takes Remus longer than he would like to admit before he realises why.
Oh.
Well, shit.
All of the couples in the room - Jess and Sirius, Peter and Benji, Alice and Frank - drink away. As subtly as he can, Remus raises his cup to his lips and takes the smallest sip possible, hoping no one will notice. From the corner of his eye, he watches James do the same.
"What the fuck."
Remus' eyes sink shut.
Of course, he noticed.
When he opens his eyes again, he meets Sirius', which are full of nothing but confusion. Remus shuffles slightly in his seat, feeling as his nerves start to catch up with him. He briefly breaks his staring contest with Sirius to look at James, who has gone very, very pale. James meets his eye, and then the two of them turn away from each other suddenly.
"Oh my god," Lily gasps.
"What the fuck," Sirius repeats.
Remus sighs. He knows no one will move on from this, not until he gives them something. He glances at James, who looks like he's about to be sick. Remus raises an eyebrow in question and James releases a small exhale before nodding.
"You kissed James?" Sirius asks. Everyone else goes silence, watching Sirius and Remus like they're playing a particularly tantalising game of tennis.
"Yes," Remus says without looking away. So what if he kissed James? People kiss their friends all the time. James and Lily have kissed before, so what's the difference? There shouldn't be one, but there is. Sirius is looking at him with a frozen expression, the one he uses during the bad days when he doesn't want anyone else to know he's upset. Remus knows that look well, but he has no idea why it's on Sirius' face now.
"Why?"
"Why not?" Remus shrugs.
Sirius face twitches. "Are you... together?"
"What? No. It was ages ago, and it was just..." Remus huffs. "It's none of your business, actually. James and I are just friends, that's all there is to it."
"So, you just snog all your friends, do you?" Sirius counters. His face has dropped into an expression Remus has never seen on him before; it's almost blank, but there's a hint of something in the way his eyes are slightly narrowed and the way he keeps biting on the inside of his cheek.
"There's nothing wrong with doing stuff with friends," Mary cuts in, obviously trying to defuse some of the tension that has formed. "God knows I've done it a few times."
"I agree. I don't think there's an issue with kissing your friends," Marlene shrugs. "You're all gorgeous and I'd snog every single one of ya if I could."
Peter snorts. "Someone's drunk."
"Yeah, someone," Benji chuckles, staring down at Peter fondly.
"Speaking of drunk," Peter croaks, "I know it's my turn, but I think we're going to have to cut the game short."
"Why?"
"I'm going to be sick."
Lily and James both jump up at the same time that Benji does, helping Peter to the bathroom, where he promptly starts loudly vomiting. By the sounds of it, he manages to make it to the toilet in time.
"Okay, well," Mary stands up from the floor and smiles at Sirius and Remus, "thanks for having us, boys, but I think it's bedtime." Frank walks the girls to the door and kisses Alice on the cheek before closing it behind them.
"I should probably be going, too," Jess says, looking at Sirius expectantly.
"Yeah, okay. Thanks for tonight, it was great." He stands up on his tiptoes and presses a brief kiss to Jess' lips. Remus starts walking towards his bed, his back to the couple. "I'll see you in the morning."
Lily leaves the bathroom just as Jess is heading for the door, so the two of them leave together. Frank says something about going to help James and Benji out with Peter, and makes his way over to the bathroom. He shuts the door, leaving Remus and Sirius alone in the bedroom.
Remus pulls his pyjamas from under his pillow and starts unfolding them. He gets changes quickly and tries to pretend like Sirius isn't somewhere behind him. He hears the other boy shuffling around, so he assumes he is also getting ready for bed. When Remus does finally turn around, he finds the room empty. The door to the bathroom is now open - Benji and Frank come out with a half-conscious Peter on their arms. They take him over to his bed and lay him down. Benji kisses Peter gently on the forehead and whispers, "Good night," to him before turning to leave.
Peter makes a grumbling noise and reaches out for Benji's shirt. With a small chuckle, Benji takes Peter's hint and follows him into his bed. They close the curtains and throw a silencing spell around the bed.
Frank smiles tiredly at Remus. "Alright?"
"Been worse," Remus shrugs. "Is Pete going to be okay?"
"Yeah, he'll be fine."
"Good," Remus nods. He goes over to the bathroom and finds James and Sirius whispering between themselves. When they notice Remus in the doorway, they stop talking and James leaves the bathroom, but not without sending Remus a quick, reassuring smile.
Sirius and Remus brush their teeth in silence. It's awkward, which Remus hates. He leaves the room as soon as he can and hurries over to his bed. All of the lights are off now and the other boys are all tucked away behind their curtains. Remus imagines James has likely already left to go and meet up with Regulus.
He listens as Sirius comes out of the bathroom and makes his way across the room. However, instead of turning towards his own bed, he starts padding across the floor towards Remus'.
Remus lies still as he waits for Sirius to speak or not. It's a few minutes before he does, which tells Remus he must be nervous.
"Moony?" Sirius whispers through the curtains.
Remus runs both of his hands down his face and sighs. "Yeah?"
"Can I..." Sirius stops and the silence from before returns.
Remus can't help but take pity on him. (This whole having a crush on Sirius business is getting out of hand.) He pulls his curtain back and looks up at the other boy. The light from the stars shine through the window, illuminating Sirius' ghostly pale skin, making him look like an angel. Sirius called Remus an angel once, but he had been wrong. Sirius is the angel, not Remus.
"You want to come in?" He asks.
"Are you sure?" There's hope in his voice.
"Come on," Remus replies, shuffling across the mattress so that Sirius has enough room to squeeze in beside him. When he's under the covers, they lay opposite each other without speaking, just staring at each other through the dark. Waiting for the other to do or say something.
"I'm sorry," Sirius eventually whispers, sounding sincere.
"For what?"
"For reacting the way I did when I found out about you and James. I just didn't know you were..." Sirius frowns. "Well, I assume you're not completely gay, because you really did like Marie."
"Yeah, I did," Remus nods. "I don't really know what to call myself. I like girls and I like boys. Sort of like Jess does, I suppose."
"When did you figure it out?" Sirius asks, eyes searching Remus' face for an answer.
"February is when I actually accepted it, but I think I've known for a lot longer than that," Remus murmurs. Subconsciously, he reaches a hand to his chest and starts fiddling with the necklace Sirius gave him years ago.
"Is that why you kissed James? To check?"
"Yeah, I think so. It definitely solidified a few things for me," Remus chuckles quietly, and Sirius huffs out a small laugh. Then, Remus feels the need to add, "I don't fancy James, though."
Sirius' eyes jump back up to meet his. "You don't?"
"Definitely not," Remus shakes his head. "Not that there's anything wrong with him. He's just... he's not..." He's not you, Remus thinks, but doesn't say. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. Did you enjoy your party?"
"Yeah, I did. You end up getting drunk?" Sirius raises an eyebrow.
"Yes. We're all going to have terrible hangovers tomorrow."
"Especially Pete," Sirius giggles. Remus can't help but smile at the noise.
"Especially Pete," he agrees.
Once he's settled down a bit, Sirius says, "Remus?"
"Yeah, Sirius?"
"Can I... can I stay here?" It's spoken so tentatively, so soft, like Sirius is afraid of what Remus will say. He knows he should say no, he should send Sirius away and tell him to go sleep in his own bed, but Remus has never been very good at telling Sirius Tonks no. So, instead, he rolls over onto his back and pulls the covers up higher. Sirius scoots closer to him until his chin is settled just above Remus' shoulder.
This is too close, Remus thinks. Friends don't do this.
Still, this might just be the closest they've been in weeks, and Remus has come to realise he's a desperate person. Self-indulgently, he moves his head closer to Sirius' until his cheek is pressed against ebony curls. He breathes in and is overwhelmed by that scent that is inherently Sirius Tonks: leather, inky parchment, and cigarettes.
It doesn't take him very long before he's dozing off.
Friday - 14th November, 1975
Last night, the marauders set up a trap against the Slytherins.
Not all of them, just the ones that deserve a bit of comeuppance. Remus and Lily have noticed on their rounds that there have been far too many attacks against Muggleborn and Half-Blood students, and with almost no punishment. Dumbledore seems to be against expelling students, opting to give them detentions or send letters home instead.
On Sunday night, Remus had rounds with Isadora Lincoln, one of the Ravenclaw prefects, and she ended up getting injured during a clash with a seventh-year Slytherin - Antonin Dolohov. They had caught him and one of his friends - something Travers - ganging up on a trio of second-year students, who looked scared out of their wits.
Isadora ended up having to go to the hospital wing, along with one of the younger students, and the only punishment that was dished out to the older Slytherins was a month's worth of detention. Remus couldn't personally see the justice, which is why he took what he witnessed back to the boys and they came up with a plan to give all blood-supremacists a taste of their own medicine.
They set it up in the Slytherin common room last night, late enough that they weren't caught. It was Sirius who had come up with the genius idea to separate the Slytherins who actually agreed with the "Death Eaters" (as The Daily Prophet has dubbed them) and everything they stand for, from the Slytherins who don't. They put up a magical border around the Slytherin common room and made it so the only Slytherins who are able leave were those who did not plan on attacking any other students for their blood status.
They're hoping the barrier will stay up for long enough to get their message across, but if that part of the plan doesn't pan out the way they would like, Remus came up with a backup idea. A couple of hours into the lockdown, which should fall around halfway through first period, dozens of dung bombs are set to go off all throughout the Slytherin common room, but they aren't just regular dung bombs. They are infused with itching powder.
So, even if the professors manage to lift the border around Slytherin house, they will have to enforce an immediate lockdown anyway, so that they don't spread the powder and it's effects around the rest of the castle.
James has been nervous all morning, and Remus knows it's because he's probably worrying about Regulus. Remus is almost completely certain that Regulus won't be affected by the prank. Surely, if he's accepting of Remus' lycanthropy, he isn't bothered by someone's blood status either.
They all wait at breakfast with an air of anticipation about them. Remus is sitting next to Sirius - they have been closer ever since Sirius' birthday party when they fell asleep together. Remus has discovered that it isn't as difficult as it used to be. Hanging out with Sirius, that is. His feelings are definitely still there, but, as it turns out, he's missed his friend a lot more.
"Oh, here some of them come," Peter says, nudging James and pointing towards the door to the Great Hall. Remus turns to look and sighs with relief when he notices Regulus and the rest of his friends entering the hall. He knew Dorcas would make it past the barrier, as well as Barty, who had no problem dating Mary, a Muggleborn, last year. He wasn't quite sure if he believed Evan Rosier would make it through the barrier, but he doesn't really know him. Remus supposes it makes sense that he has the same views as the rest of his friends.
Scarlett Stark is with them. Remus had half expected her to be stuck in the Slytherin common room. Sure, she defended werewolves in everyone's little crusade at the beginning of fourth year, but she's also marrying into the Black family. Most Purebloods, especially those involved in arranged marriages, tend to be insufferable most of the time. He is pleasantly surprised to find that Scarlett Stark is not amongst those that are.
They notice a few older Slytherins, and a few more younger ones, who all seem blissfully unaware of what they could have been trapped in the middle of as they walk into the hall. Remus notices Josephine Bletchley enter the hall, a book tucked under one of her arms. Violetta saunters into the hall not long after, and Remus almost falls out of his chair when he realises who is standing beside her.
"Did they already manage to get through the barrier?" Sirius asks in a whisper.
"No, we made sure it would stick until the dung bombs go off," Peter says back.
"Could he be... I mean, maybe he-" James starts, but is interrupted by Sirius.
"There's no fucking way," he shakes his head.
They all stare in shock and bepuzzlement as Mulciber and Violetta part ways at the Slytherin table. Violetta starts making her way towards the Gryffindor table, and Mulciber drops himself down on a seat at the Slytherin table. He sits a bit away from Regulus and his friends and then begins filling a goblet with pumpkin juice.
When Violetta sits down beside Sirius, they all stare at her. She raises her eyebrows and tuts.
"What?"
"Nothing," Peter and Remus say at the same time that James drops his gaze to his breakfast.
"How are you feeling on this fine morning?" Sirius asks her with a strained smile. "And Mulciber, you know... how is he doing?" Remus thinks he sees Sirius' eye twitch.
"Since when do you care about Nick?" Violetta snorts.
"I was just trying to be polite because he's your friend, and I'm your friend," Sirius shrugs. "Never mind."
"He's fine. Well, actually, he had an argument with Snape and Wilkes this morning, but he'll get over it."
"An argument?" Remus questions. "What was it about?"
Violetta looks up from her plate and searches all of them slowly with her eyes. "Alright, what is going on? Why are you so interested in what Nick is doing?"
"Because he shouldn't be here!" Sirius bursts out, catching the attention of a few nearby Gryffindors. The girls aren't down yet, and Frank was still snoring away when they left the dormitory this morning.
"What?" Violetta repeats, looking at Sirius like he's gone insane.
"Alright, don't get mad... but we kind of pranked your common room," Sirius says with a small, nervous smile. Violetta matches it with a blank stare.
In a voice that sounds like she's attempting to restrain her anger, she says, "Explain."
And so they do. They tell her about the barrier they created, about all the students that have been attacked in the corridors over the last couple of months. They mention the dung bombs and the itching powder, which, surprisingly, makes her smirk. Then, Sirius finished off their explanation by exclaiming that he doesn't understand how "Nicholas fucking Mulciber could have gotten past the barrier."
"Well, I wasn't going to say anything to you because I knew you would probably believe he was tricking me, but recently he's been asking me questions," Violetta says in a careful voice.
"Questions?" James frowns.
"About you guys, especially Lily and Mary. At first, I thought he was being mean about it all, but I think he's just trying to understand why I chose to hang out with you guys instead of that lot," she gestures towards the mostly empty Slytherin table. "I doubt he's ready to defend anyone, and if he saw his friends attacking them, he probably wouldn't stop them, too scared of what his father would do. But I think he's finally beginning to understand that everything his parents told him isn't exactly true. It's what he was arguing with Snape and Wilkes about this morning. They were talking about Lily."
"What about Lily?" James asks, a defensive tone to his voice.
"Wilkes and Snape were arguing originally because Snape is still friends with Lily, and they're all against that obviously because she's a Muggleborn. Then, Nick jumped in to say that he didn't understand why it mattered who Snape was friends with, and Wilkes started calling him a blood traitor. It upset him, I think," Violetta glances briefly towards the Slytherin table, where Mulciber is still eating alone. "He's used to them all following his lead, but now... I don't know. They have started leaving him out of things. I think it's my fault."
"How could it possibly be your fault?" Sirius questions.
"He's only been asking questions because of me."
"Isn't that a good thing though?" Peter says, catching Violetta by surprise. He doesn't usually directly talk to her, still not fond of the girl. "He's finally having doubts and thinking like a human being. It's better than him not caring at all and hurting someone. For all we know, it could be Lily next."
"Peter," James lightly scolds.
"What? It's true! Just like Remus said, there are attacks happening almost every night and Dumbledore isn't fucking doing anything about it," Peter argues. "We can't keep living in the delusion that our friends are immune to it. Just look at Isadora - she's one of Benji's best friends, and they injured her enough to put her in the hospital wing for the next three days. The less of them there are, the better."
None of them speak. Instead, they all look at each other silently, because Peter is right. They have been living in the delusion that this war can't touch them whilst they are at Hogwarts, but that's all it is. Them being delusional. People are getting attacked every other day inside the castle walls now, and there's no way for them to pretend it isn't happening, not without leaving themselves vulnerable to it all. It's time they all start accepting that this isn't just something looming in the future anymore, this is their present.
It's the moment the war finally hits them.
Throughout the rest of the day, they find out that Slytherin house is put on a temporary lockdown until they are able to get rid of all the itching powder - which the Gryffindors made sure was impervious to any and all cleaning spells. So, it will have to be done the Muggle way. This means the Slytherins that did not get trapped in the common room have to be rehomed for the foreseeable future. Dumbledore ends up placing them in Ravenclaw Tower, in separate dorms to the Ravenclaw students.
Remus finds out from a very grumpy Regulus in Defence that he has been made to stay in the same dorm as Mulciber. At this, Remus tells him what the prank was actually about, and Regulus looks just as shocked as the Gryffindors felt when he discovers that Mulciber might not be as horrid as they all thought.
Another thing they discover, something that actually manages to shock Remus as much as Mulciber's appearance at breakfast this morning did, is that Snape doesn't show up to any of his classes. He got stuck behind the barrier.
Wednesday - 19th November, 1975
The moment Remus wakes up, he knows something is wrong. The moon was last night, so he should be waking up on the damp floor of the shack, but instead, he can feel sticks stabbing him in the back.
The second thing he notices is the taste of blood on his tongue.
Oh no.
Squinting, he blinks his eyes open and sits up, panic filling his chest. He takes in his surroundings and realises he is still in the forest. There is no break in the trees, which tells him he must be very far away from the shack. He glances down at his hands and finds them stained with dried blood. He frantically tries to rub it off, but to no avail.
There's a rustling noise beside him, causing him to turn suddenly and look down at the ground beside him. Lily is lying there, still in her lion form. She glances up at him and then it seems to dawn on her that something is wrong. In a second, she turns back into her human-self, and starts pulling off her jumper.
"Remus, we need to get you back now. Are you okay to walk?" She speaks frantically, her breaths coming out quicker than they should.
"Lily, what happened? Why is there blood on my hands? Why can I taste it?" He asks, but Lily doesn't answer him. Instead, she starts putting her jumper on him, covering him up. It doesn't do very much, considering he's almost a foot taller than her. Lily seems to notice this as she tuts and starts searching around for something. A moment later, she picks up a leaf and transfigures it into a long, green blanket.
"Here, wrap this around yourself, love. We really need to go," Lily says, biting at her bottom lip. She casts a tempus spell and swears when it tells them it's almost eight o'clock.
"Lily," Remus calls desperately, the blanket now around his waist. She helps him to his feet, not pausing long enough to acknowledge the fear on his face. She starts dragging him through the forest, using her wand as a compass to help them out. It takes about fifteen minutes before they find the treeline and make it onto the grounds.
"Lily," Remus yanks on her arm, stopping her from dragging him any further. She turns to him, face pale and eyes wide. "What did I do? Where are the others? I didn't..." Tears begin to well up in his eyes.
"You didn't bite anyone, Remus, I promise you," she tells him with so much conviction in her tone, he can't help but trust her. She starts gently tugging on his arm again. "I'll explain everything as soon as I can, but we have to get you back first."
Remus just nods and they start hurrying towards the whomping willow. By the time they make it back to the shack, it's just gone eight o'clock. Poppy should be here any minute, but Lily doesn't leave him. She tucks Remus into the bed and, once he's covered by the mottled duvet that usually resides in the shack, she takes back her jumper and the blanket, which she changes back into a leaf.
"What happened?" Remus asks. He thought, maybe, the boys would be in the shack waiting for them, but it was empty.
"It was all going fine, just like last month. Moony was having fun, he was playfighting with Padfoot, but then he... I don't know. It was like he caught the scent of something that he couldn't resist and he started trying to head towards Hogsmeade," Lily explains quickly. "We tried to stop the wolf, but it was as if he was possessed. Then, Padfoot jumped in front of him as he tried to take a swing at me, and..."
"And?" Remus' voice cracks on the word.
"Moony caught Padfoot's shoulder and when he cried out that got Moony's attention away from whatever it was he was trying to chase. Padfoot - he couldn't walk, so Prongs and Wormtail helped him back to the castle."
"I hurt Sirius?" Remus rasps. Tears start trailing down his cheeks and his mouth opens around a sob. It's Sirius' blood on his hands, Sirius' blood he can taste. He hurt him, he hurt him.
He never wanted to hurt him.
"Remus, no. It isn't your fault-"
"How could it not be my fault?" Remus shouts, but Lily isn't deterred. She simply sits beside him on the bed and pulls him into her arms, stroking his hair as she does. "I could have killed him."
"Shh, shh. It wasn't your fault, Remus, you weren't in control," she whispers.
I can usually remember, he thinks as he cries. Why can't I remember?
The sound of Poppy making her way through the tunnel makes his ears prick up. He pulls away from Lily and tells her to hide, so she shifts into her Animagus form and tucks herself beneath the bed. Remus wipes his face free of tears and waits for Poppy to show up.
When she notices his bloody hands, she assumes a rabbit must have gotten in. He doesn't tell her otherwise, perhaps he should have. Maybe then, Dumbledore would finally kick him out of the school. After all, how else is he supposed to protect his friends from a monster?
When Poppy offers him a dreamless sleep potion, he takes it without hesitation. Usually, he would try and find any excuse to leave the infirmary as soon as he possibly can. Today, he wishes he could hide away here forever.
He doesn't wake up until after dinner time, but he's not very hungry. He can still taste Sirius' blood on his tongue, warm and metallic. He throws up three times before his friends show up. Lily and James are first, followed by Peter and then Sirius, who has his head bowed. Remus can't blame him. He probably doesn't even want to look at the monster that attacked him.
Remus' eyes drop to Sirius' shoulder, which looks fine from here, but he already knows Sirius will have scars there now. Cursed ones that no spell could ever get rid of.
"Morning, sunshine. Have a nice nap?" James asks with a cheery smile. He sits in one of the seats beside Remus' hospital bed, looking carefree as if Remus didn't almost kill one of them last night.
Lily bustles over to his bedside and lays her hand on his forehead. "You look better than you did this morning. Poppy knows her stuff."
"Mhm," Remus mumbles, not daring to look up. He's staring down at a crease in the duvet beneath his hands. He tries to smooth it out.
"Remus?" Peter tries, but Remus doesn't listen.
"Remus?" Sirius.
"Don't," Remus closes his eyes.
"I knew you would get like this. Look at me, I'm fine. Remus! Oh, for God's sake," Sirius huffs. Remus listens as his footsteps slap against the flagstones. He opens his eyes just in time for Sirius to grab him by the chin and force him to look him in the eye. Remus winces.
"Don't you dare do that," Sirius warns.
"What?" Remus tuts, pushing Sirius' hand away.
"You know bloody well what-"
"Maybe we should give these two some privacy," Lily suggests, but Remus hardly hears her over the blood pounding in his ears. She, James and Peter leave the two boys alone.
"Sirius," Remus croaks, staring up at the other boy with a hurt expression. "I hurt you."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"No, you-"
"Show me then. Let me see if you're scarred or not," Remus snaps, eyes harsher now as they glare up at Sirius, who looks like he doesn't know what to say. Remus takes a stuttering breath in. "I could have killed you."
"You wouldn't have."
"You don't know that," Remus shakes his head.
"I do. I also know that it was not your fault, Remus. Moony got distracted," Sirius snaps. He pulls something out of his schoolbag and drops it onto Remus' lap. "Read the headline."
Frowning, Remus picks up a copy of The Daily Prophet, only to almost drop it when he reads the headline.
WEREWOLF ATTACK IN HOGSMEADE VILLAGE:
MAN DEAD
"You see? There was a werewolf in Hogsmeade last night, and I am betting everything in James Potter's Gringotts vault that that is what Moony could smell. Wolves are used to travelling in packs, right? Moony has never met another werewolf before, not properly. Do you really think he'd be able to resist if he got into smelling range of one?" Sirius crosses his arms.
"That doesn't change the fact that I hurt you, Sirius," Remus looks back up at his friend. "It could have been a lot worse. We're lucky that it wasn't- I don't want to risk you again."
"Until they find the werewolf, we can stay in the shack for the full moons," Sirius says.
"I don't want you guys to be there if it means risking your lives," Remus shakes his head. "I'm sorry, but I just... I can't wake up covered in your blood again. Not knowing if I-" His voice cracks, so he clenches his teeth together as he attempts to take a calming breath.
"Moony, please," Sirius tries.
"Just go," Remus begs. "Please."
Sirius looks like he's going to argue again, but when he notices the expression on Remus' face, he closes his mouth and slowly nods. He doesn't take the newspaper with him when he leaves. He just turns around and marches out of the hospital wing.
Remus lies back against his pillows and feels as more tears stream down his face.
***
Thursday - 20th November, 1975
James
James leaves early to go and meet Regulus tonight. The tension in the dormitory has been palpable ever since yesterday. Remus isn't talking to Sirius, he doesn't even look at him. Sirius has been trying to get him to speak to him, yelled at him even, but to no avail. Remus barely speaks to the rest of them, too, which has been confusing Frank, who confronted James about it earlier. James had to lie and say Sirius and Remus got into a fight, which was apparently a realistic enough excuse that Frank bought it without much questioning.
It doesn't take very long before he makes it to the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower. It's easier for Regulus and James to meet up now that Regulus is temporarily staying on the same floor of the castle as he is. The Slytherin common room is still under lockdown; it's been over a week now of no attacks in the corridors. James thinks, personally, this is the best prank they have ever pulled. Sure, it wasn't their most creative, but it's had the best outcome so far.
When Regulus finds him in the corridor, he gives him a flat look. James chuckles and asks him what's wrong, even though he already knows because Regulus has been complaining to him about the same thing for a week.
"I miss my stuff," Regulus groans. "Why couldn't you have given me a warning, or told me to pack? I've had to cycle through the same set of clothes for over a week now, Potter. A week."
"Yeah, but you get them cleaned every evening by the house-elves, right?"
"That isn't the point," Regulus huffs. "I don't even have any pyjamas!"
"I let you borrow mine!"
"And they're massive," Regulus tuts, pulling the pyjamas he's wearing up, as they had begun to fall down his waist, as if to prove his point. "They drown me."
"You're just dramatic," James grins, before tapping Regulus gently on the nose.
Regulus gives him a horrified look. "What did you just do to me?"
"Booped you," James shrugs.
"Never again."
"Okay," James says, doing it again.
Regulus glares at him. James just grins back.
"So, where are we going to tonight? Rowena's? Godric's? The Astronomy tower? It's been a while."
"I was actually thinking the library. I need to get that assignment Binns set us done," Regulus says.
"You got a quill and some parchment with you?" James asks.
"Yeah."
"Then, let's go," he smiles and pulls his cloak out. Once it's over them, he reaches out for Regulus' hand and holds it as they make their way through the castle.
When they get to the library, Regulus chooses to sit at one of the tables at the back, where not even Pince could spot them if she were here. James watches Regulus as he scribbles out a few things from his textbook onto a piece of parchment. When he's focusing on something, there's this little line that forms between Regulus' eyebrows. James wants to press his thumb there until it goes smooth. He also bites his bottom lip like he's thinking very hard about something, and it's difficult for James not to kiss him.
"You're staring," Regulus says around twenty minutes later.
"You're beautiful," James counters with a simple shrug.
Regulus glances up at him with an unimpressed expression. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Potter."
"Oh, I don't know about nowhere," James says. He gets up from his seat and moves around the table and drops into the seat beside Regulus, who watches him. James tucks a stray curl behind the other boy's ear and then cradles his face. "You're beautiful. Actually, no, scratch that. Anyone can be beautiful, you're something else entirely. They should invent a whole new word to describe the beauty of Regulus Black."
A pink tinge flows across Regulus' cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. James smirks.
"It appears flattery does get me somewhere," he whispers as their noses knock together.
"Shut up, James," Regulus rasps. He closes the space between them, kissing James fiercely. James responds back in kind, pushing his hand further into Regulus' hair. His other hand lands on Regulus' knee and slowly slides up until it's settled on his thigh.
Regulus wraps his arms around James' shoulders, pulling him in closer. That's how it always feels with them nowadays, like they're both trying to get closer. Always searching for more. James wants to know every inch of Regulus, wants to map him out, learn him like he does the stars in the night sky. He wants to know where every freckle is, every single scar, so he can kiss them and leave only good memories there. He wants and he wants and he wants, but he doesn't know what to do about it.
Then, there's the fact that he's pretty sure he's in love with Regulus, which just makes everything else he feels around the boy greater somehow. Sometimes James is afraid of how much he cares about Regulus. He knows he would do anything for him - anything at all.
Monday - 8th December, 1975
The Slytherin common room becomes habitable again a week before the end of November. During the two weeks following, there are no attacks. James assumes they got their message across successfully. A part of him is worried that this is the quiet before the storm, the small pocket of relief they will get to enjoy before it all gets worse again. He hopes he's wrong about that.
It's been almost three weeks since the full moon, since Remus stopped speaking to Sirius. James has tried everything he could possibly think of to convince Remus to just talk to their friend. He knows Remus is scared, he may not understand it on a personal level, but he gets being afraid of hurting the people around you.
He's been telling Sirius to just give Remus some time, he'll come around eventually, but it's now less than two weeks before they go home for Christmas, and James is getting worried. Remus has hardly spoken to the rest of them in the last three weeks either. He sits with the girls during meal times, and doesn't interact with Sirius when they sit together in Potions.
The effect it's having on Sirius is evident. He's been much quieter than he usually is, never initiating conversation with the others like he normally would. Whenever Remus is in the dormitory, which isn't very often these days, Sirius silently leaves not ten minutes later. He's been spending all of his time hanging out with Jess recently, which James thinks is a good distraction for him. He's glad Sirius has Jess to go to when he's feeling down.
He's been angrier too, quicker to snap at James and Peter when they bring up Remus or something else that would usually only mildly bother him. Sometimes, Sirius reminds James a bit of a time bomb. It'll only take so long, so much pressure, before he bursts and hits everyone around him with his sharp debris. It really just depends on who he is around when he finally explodes.
Unfortunately, it ends up being Regulus.
Sirius and Regulus haven't interacted once all year, not as far as James is aware of anyway. He knew it was too good to be true. He knows the two of them will never get along. Maybe, one day, they will try to tolerate each other for James, but he doesn't know if that's an achievable dream anymore, or just him being delusional.
Their final lesson of the day is Potions. James spends most of the lesson watching Sirius and Remus, who are sat at the table in front. They don't speak to each other, not once. Sirius doesn't try to, he gave that up last week. Remus dutifully writes down every word that comes out of Slughorn's mouth as he goes through the theory behind a permanent shrinking solution. James doesn't bother taking notes, as he's already well-versed in this sort of thing.
At the very end of the lesson, when they are packing up their bags, James watches as Sirius turns to Remus with an expectant look on his face.
"This is getting ridiculous, Remus," Sirius says in a blunt voice. James doesn't think he's ever seen his friend look so... well, serious before, as ironic as that is. It's an odd expression on his, typically silly, friend's face. "I know you're afraid you're going to hurt me again. Boo-hoo, big deal. I don't care about any of that, okay? What you're doing now, this little ignoring act, that is hurting me. But you don't even care, do you?" With a huff, Sirius grabs his bag and rushes towards the front of the classroom.
"Shit," James mumbles, following his friend. In the back of his mind, he notices Regulus hurrying after him. He's not sure Regulus knows he's even doing it, but James is certain he must look rather distressed right now, he feels it.
"Sirius!" James yells as he runs out of the classroom. Sirius turns around just as James catches up to him, the blank look on his face is a startling sight. James stops and takes in a few quick breaths. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Do I look like I want to fucking talk about it, James?" Sirius snaps, eyes sharp. "I am so sick of his self-deprecating, I'm-a-monster-and-everyone-should-steer-clear-of-me issue! We tell him time and time again- I mean, come on. He's supposed to be our friend! Friends don't treat each other like he's been treating me."
"I know, mate, you're right. He's just worried is all, you have to know it's his worst fear, and he-"
"Stop defending him!" Sirius shouts. James is faintly aware of the crowd they have gathered. They shouldn't be talking about this here, not when Sirius is this angry. He might end up saying something incriminating, something he will end up regretting.
Sirius opens his mouth as if to say something else, but then his eyes fall on something behind James. A sneer curls its way onto his lips. James frowns and turns around, only to find Regulus hovering behind him, a conflicted expression on his face.
"What the fuck do you think you're looking at, Black?"
"Sirius," James scolds.
"No, really. What is he looking at? I bet he's trying to listen in to what we're saying," Sirius says in a scarily steady voice. He steps around James and approaches Regulus. James turns worriedly, following after Sirius anxiously. "Hello? Do I need to repeat the question? What. Are. You. Looking. At?"
Regulus just sighs like he can't be bothered to deal with Sirius today. He tuts and points at his Prefect's badge. "Do you really want to pick a fight with a Prefect, Tonks?"
"Yeah, sure," Sirius shrugs.
"Well, I don't want to fight you," Regulus replies in a level voice. "It would be best if you were on your way now."
"Sounds to me like you're a coward."
"Watch it," Regulus snaps, his eyes narrow slowly.
"Did I touch a nerve?" Sirius grins venomously, stepping forward right into Regulus' space.
"Sirius," James tries, but he goes unheard.
"I'm warning you to walk away right now," Regulus tells him, eyes never moving away from Sirius' face. He's slightly taller than Sirius, but it's such a small difference that they still fall eye-to-eye. "Get out of my face."
"Or what?" Sirius reaches out and pushes Regulus.
James has had enough. He steps forward and grabs Sirius, pulling him backwards before either of the boys can snap at each other anymore. He pushes Sirius away from Regulus and gives him an incredulous look. When he turns back to Regulus, it's in time to see Barty Crouch pushing through the crowd. James thinks he's going to Regulus, but when he moves past him and starts moving towards James, he almost jumps back in surprise.
"Control your fucking friend, Potter," Barty growls at him, which is a complete change of pace to how he normally speaks to him.
"I- I tried. He's not- it isn't- Is Regulus alright?" James stutters, feeling completely overwhelmed by the entire situation. He wonders where Remus got off to. He probably went the long way through the dungeons, wanting to avoid Sirius and James.
"No thanks to you," Barty snaps. James flinches.
"I'm sorry," James says quietly, his voice failing him.
"Just fuck off up to your tower."
"Barty," Regulus scolds. James' eyes fall on him the moment he steps forward. His jumper is a little ruffled from where Sirius gripped it when he pushed him, but he looks fine, unharmed. He glances at Sirius with a blank expression. "Detention, Friday, for attacking another classmate."
Sirius scoffs from somewhere behind James. When he turns around, it's only to see Sirius pushing his way through the crowd of people, away from James, who sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.
He's getting really bloody tired of everyone he cares about fighting with each other.
Later that evening, he corners Remus in the bathroom. He locks the door behind himself and leans back against it. Remus, who has a toothbrush hanging from his lips, looks at him and slowly raises an eyebrow in question. James crosses his arms and tries to look as authoritative as he can.
"We need to talk."
Remus holds up a finger and James nods, waiting for him to finish brushing his teeth. Once he's done, he says, "Are you breaking up with me or something?"
"That's not funny," James huffs, but he can feel a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Sirius is actually going insane without you."
"Yeah, right," Remus rolls his eyes. "Let me out, James."
"No," James says in a hard voice. Remus frowns and sits down on the closed toilet seat. "He tried to get into a fight with Regulus today, and they haven't fought all year. It's because he's freaking out, thinking you're never going to talk to him again. I honestly thought you just needed some time to get over yourself, but, at this point, you're just torturing him."
"Wait. He tried to get into a fight with Regulus?" James nods. "Why?"
"Well, since you're not giving him the time of day so he can't take his anger out on you, he's taking it out on my b- friend." James panics for a moment, thinking Remus will notice his slip, but he appears to be too in his own head at the moment.
"What did Regulus do?" Remus asks, looking up at James with pensive eyes.
"Nothing. He gave him a detention, but he didn't retaliate," James says, sighing. He frowns as his head begins to pound again. He's been getting headaches every other day for weeks now, probably because of the stress of everything. "I'm so sick of all the arguing," he whispers.
"What you said... that I'm just torturing him," Remus bites his lip. "I'm not trying to be mean, really, I'm not. But James, I could have killed him. I know what you're going to say - that I could never do such a thing, but that isn't true, and you know it. I'm so scared that it might happen again, you have no idea how fucking terrified it makes me when I think about what the next moon could be like. I- I can still taste his blood in my mouth." His voice cracks, and James instinctively moves forward, placing a calming hand on Remus' shoulder. He crouches in front of him.
"Ignoring him isn't going to stop any possible future pain, though, Remus," James says. "All you're doing is hurting him and you. I know you're scared, I know. I'm so sorry that that's something you have to deal with, no one should have to wake up not knowing... what they might have done."
"I keep..."
"You keep what?" James mutters softly.
Remus squeezes his eyes shut, tears tumble from them. "I keep dreaming about what could have happened. James, I don't want to hurt him again. Please, I couldn't live with myself if I- because what if the next time something like this happens, it ends up being much worse? I can't, I just can't." Remus' body shakes as he starts crying, strangled sobs tear themselves out of his chest. James reaches forward and wraps him up in a hug.
"We could set up more spells on the shack and stay in there for the meantime, if you'd like?" James suggests, feeling desperate to fix this. "You won't hurt Sirius by talking to him. He misses you like mad, and I know you miss him, too."
"I can't even look at him," Remus croaks.
"Then, give yourself a little bit more time. I can talk to him, tell him that you just need a bit longer. You won't be able to ignore him forever."
"Yeah, he is pretty hard to ignore," Remus laughs wetly.
"So, will you do what I said?" James asks as he pulls away from Remus.
The other boy nods reluctantly. "Fine, I'll speak to him eventually, but not yet. I just can't- not yet."
"Okay. That's okay," James nods, giving him a comforting smile. "Come on, bedtime."
Remus gives him a small smile before crossing the room and leaving the bathroom. James feels as a slight weight falls off his chest.
When he and Regulus meet up that night, they don't speak until they reach Rowena's room. Regulus summons it, and when they step through the door - which looks different to how it usually does, this time being made of wood with a copper doorknob - James almost gasps. Usually, Regulus only ever summons the museum. James completely forgot that the room could appear any way the summoner desired.
"You changed it," he says as his eyes scour the room. It's a much smaller room that the museum; the floors are made of wooden floorboards that shine under the lit sconces attached to the painted walls. On one side of the room, there's a long, comfortable-looking couch that is decorated with colourful pillows and a crochetted blanket. One of the walls isn't a wall at all, but a bookshelf full of thick books. There's a rug in the centre of the room and a fireplace on the other side, the fire blazes warmly. Above the mantel, there's the portrait of Reverie - she looks a bit out of place here, James is so used to seeing her framed admirably against an ancient wall.
"I realised I've never actually asked the room for anything other than the museum before. I wanted to test it's bounds, I guess," Regulus shrugs.
James fiddles anxiously with his ring, a habit he's picked up since he stopped picking apart his cuticles. Regulus notices and silently moves towards James. He holds out his hand, an offering, so James takes it and lets Regulus pull him towards the couch. Regulus instructs James to lay down, so he does. Once he's gotten himself comfortable, Regulus joins him, holding his arms open for James to crawl into. He does. He presses his cheek to Regulus' chest and starts drawing patterns across the boy's nightshirt with his finger.
"Are you okay?" James asks.
"I'm okay," Regulus whispers.
James tilts his head up to look at him, only to find Regulus already watching him, his head propped up on a pillow. They just stare at each other for a moment. James thinks, sometimes, he could be given the task to stare at Regulus for the rest of eternity and he wouldn't even ask for the relief of blinking.
"I'm sorry," James sighs. "Sirius should have never-"
"James, it's okay," Regulus says, interrupting him. "I know it wasn't about me."
"Yeah, but that doesn't just make it alright. He- I mean, he pushed you, and I know how much you hate it when people touch you. I should have stopped him sooner."
"It's not up to you to fight Sirius' battles for him," Regulus tells him in a calm voice. "I'm not saying what he did was alright. I'm saying I understand why he decided to take his anger out on me. He's fighting with Remus, isn't he? Believe me, I know what it's like to have your dormmates fighting. Evan and Barty have been ignoring each other for over a month."
"Really? I thought they were best friends," James frowns.
"Yeah and I thought Remus and Tonks were best friends, yet here we are." Regulus smiles softly and runs his fingertips along James' cheekbone. "What I'm saying is, Sirius is probably feeling very angry and upset right now, and he's been ignoring me all year, for whatever reason. You didn't have anything to do with that, did you?" James shakes his head no. "Hmm. Well, I sort of expected him to snap sooner rather than later. I just so happened to be there the moment he did. He's probably got all this pent up frustration because he's used to feuding with me, but isn't. It makes sense that I was the one he took it out on. I don't like him, and I don't think he should have, but, yeah, I get it."
I love you, James thinks. He really wants to say it, but thinks it might be too soon.
Instead, he shuffles up Regulus' body until he's hovering above his face and smiles down at him like he's a miracle, because he is.
"You, Regulus Black, astound me," he whispers.
"It's been mentioned once or twice that I am a very astounding person," Regulus nods, smirking.
James laughs and leans down to kiss him. With each small gasp and every shared breath, he thinks, I love you, I love you, I love, you.
"Go pick a book from the shelf and we can read it. I think we both deserve to relax a bit," Regulus says.
"Will you read it to me?" James questions with a, what he would call irresistible, grin.
Regulus rolls his eyes. "Fine."
Thursday - 18th December, 1975
They go home on Sunday for the Christmas holidays, James is really excited to go home and see his parents, but he also doesn't want to be away from Regulus. Especially because he knows Regulus' Christmas isn't going to be all jolly Christmas music and ugly jumpers like James' is. He has to go back to that horrid house of his and spend it with his terrorist of a mother.
Last weekend, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw played against each other, and Ravenclaw lost, meaning they are officially out for the rest of the year. James was a bit disappointed by this, but he thinks it has something to do with how the new Beater - the one who accidentally hit him with a Bludger - was no longer putting her all into her position, likely afraid she might injure someone else. James doesn't blame her for what she did, he knows it was an accident, even if it did hurt like hell.
Regulus had been absolutely mutinous when James brought it up in conversation, threatening the poor girl, until James told him he didn't want him to do anything to her. As much as he hated the idea of Regulus actually getting payback, he did love the fact that Regulus cared enough to want some payback.
Remus still hasn't spoken to Sirius yet, but Sirius has been less upset about it all recently because James had a talk with him and explained how Remus told him he felt about the whole situation. Sirius, reluctantly, agreed to leave Remus alone until he was done feeling his all-consuming guilt and could actually face Sirius again without flinching away. James hopes they make up soon, though he doubts they will before Christmas.
The full moon is tonight, but Remus told James and Lily that he didn't want any of them coming this month, not even to the shack. They had put up an argument against this, saying Remus would be a wreck the next morning, but he stood his ground, and, eventually, they agreed to it.
It took Sirius a lot of convincing before he also agreed to stay away from the shack this month, though James could tell it was extremely difficult for him to do so.
James just hopes that Moony won't try and tear himself apart tonight like he used to before they started joining him on the full moons. It's been so long since that happened, since they have all had to see Remus in that sort of state. It would be heart breaking to have to see it again after so long.
There's so much for James to worry about nowadays. He wonders if it will be easier to carry everything when he returns home for Christmas, though he has a sneaking feeling that the distance between them all will only make everything harder.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- I always love it whenever they play games like Never Have I Ever in fics. It's also so fun to write about. ALSO, Sirius (and everyone else) now knows about James and Remus' kiss 🙈🙈
- So I know there are going to be some questions about Mulciber, but I'm going to leave those unanswered for now because I just want you guy to bear with me for a moment :)
- Soooo yeah poor Remus? And poor Sirius? This is not a good day for us wolfstar stans..
- Sirius and Regulus fight! Sirius and Regulus fight! Sirius and Regulus fight!
- James and Remus <3
- Jegulus <3See you next week!! <3
Chapter 63: Fifth Year: Loveless Lions and Slithering Snakes
Summary:
Sirius doesn't have a very good day.
Regulus gets a glimpse into his future.
Walburga and Regulus have a chat.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-gore/blood - Sirius' injury
-sexual content (not explicit)
-underage casual drug use/weed
-mention of someone's parent being sick
-brief mention of death/injury
-war, it's unavoidable at this point :/This chapter is quite short compared to others.
A lot of you are going to love this chapter - so here you go 🤲
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Because love can burn like a cigarette
And leave you alone with nothing
~ TV Girl
Saturday - 20th December, 1975
Sirius
Remus hasn't spoken to Sirius for almost five weeks. He even made them promise not to show up to the shack the night before, for the full moon, so he ended up spending the night alone. Sirius wanted to go and visit him in the hospital wing, but James reminded him that he was supposed to be giving Remus some space right now.
Sirius thinks he's given him enough fucking space.
It's been a month since Remus has even acknowledged him. It's making Sirius go crazy. He's been distracting himself with Jess, sneaking off to abandoned classrooms and broom cupboards, resuming what they started in the summer. It's getting more serious now, though, more desperate almost. Whenever they find themselves pressed against each other, hands fumbling, Sirius is always reaching for more, for something closer.
Jess has seen his scars. He never used to have scars before, but he sort of loves them. Maybe that makes him insane, maybe he shouldn't feel as attached to them as he does. After all, in a way, they mark the split between him and Remus. But he can't help it, he does love them, because they look like the ones Remus has, and Sirius has always found Remus' scars beautiful.
Remus' usually tend to heal within a couple of days, scarring over until they are nothing but silvery lines. Fast healing is a pro to the whole lycanthropy thing. Sirius hadn't been so lucky in that department. For one, he couldn't just rock up to the hospital wing during the dead hours of the night with his shoulder half-torn off his body. There would have been questions, and he had no answers he wanted to share.
Instead, James and Peter had to practically carry him from the forest and all the way up to the castle. James had led them down to the dungeons, where he proceeded to break into Slughorn's potions cabinet - which, for some reason, was not protected by any spells. James then instructed Peter to mix certain ingredients together to create a solution, whilst he got to work on healing Sirius' arm.
It had bled, a lot. Sirius thinks he might have passed out at one point, the pain almost unbearable. Once James reattached his shoulder to the rest of him, stitching Sirius up with some spell he learnt in his Healer's Course, he cleaned away all of the excess blood, leaving behind a couple of grotesque-looking wounds. He remembers how the skin around it had been red and angry, but the solution Peter finished creating helped with that, as well as the pain. The swelling went down only half-an-hour later, and the pain slowly edged away over the next couple of days.
Now, he has three gnarled scars along the curve of his shoulder, each raised and oddly shaped. It's obvious they must have been caused by some type of animal though. When Jess saw them for the first time only a couple of weeks later, Sirius lied and told him he got attacked by a dog a couple of years back. He wasn't sure if Jess believed him, but he wouldn't tell him the truth either way.
When the boys return to the dormitory once their lessons for the day are over, Sirius notices Remus' bed is empty, which means he must still be in the hospital wing. James went to visit him earlier, but Poppy wouldn't allow him entry, so none of them have been able to check if he's alright yet. Sirius knows that if he so much as tried, Remus would probably get Poppy to send him away.
James, who is standing beside his bed and sorting through his schoolbag, tells them he is going to go and see if Poppy will let him visit Remus now. He decides to use the excuse of needing to bring Remus his schoolwork before exiting the dorm. He doesn't return in time for dinner, so Sirius, Peter and Frank go down without him. They sit with the girls, who have all noticed the new tension between the rest of the boys and Remus, but haven't mentioned it since Sirius snapped at them about it. He feels bad about that now, he had been in a mood because Remus had been ignoring him for a week at that point, but that's still no excuse for him to lash out at his other friends. He learnt that when he started yelling at James in the corridor the other day before trying to start a fight with Regulus Black.
Again, he feels bad about it all now.
Well, sort of.
When the Gryffindors all make it back to the common room, they find James sitting on one of the couches in front of the fireplace. Sirius makes his way over to him and sits down beside the boy, giving him a questioning look.
"He's fine, Sirius. A bit... scratched up, but okay," James tells him.
"Can I go and visit him?" Sirius asks.
James gives him a pitying look. Sirius feels his anger begin to flare up again. He stands from his seat and mutters out a harsh, "Fine," before stomping towards the other side of the common room, where Jess is leant against the wall talking to his friend Taylor. He grabs him by the hand and starts dragging him towards the portrait.
"Oh- Bye, Taylor," Jess calls to the girl, before following Sirius without hesitation. "What's up?"
"Remus is pissing me off again, and I would love it if you could cheer me up because none of my friends seem capable of doing so," Sirius responds with a smile of feigned nonchalance.
"Okay..." Jess stretches out the word, sounding unsure. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks as they start moving down the corridor towards one of the abandoned classrooms they've started using more frequently recently.
"Not even a little bit," Sirius says.
"Okay," Jess nods.
As it turns out, Jess has a couple of blunts hidden behind one of the loose bricks in the classroom. Sirius knows Anthony likely put them there, as he's always smoking them. Usually, Sirius will deny it whenever one is offered to him, but today, today he needs one. He and Jess share it between them, and it doesn't take very long before Sirius' skin starts feeling... strange. Well, maybe not strange, just overly sensitive. He frowns down at his hands like they are some sort of phenomenon that he doesn't understand.
"What?" Jess chuckles.
"My skin feels really skin-y. Does that make sense? I can feel it so much right now, has it always been so tight?"
Jess laughs again. "I think you're high, Tonksy."
"Yeah, maybe." Sirius drops his hands into his lap and moves his gaze towards the window. He stares out at the castle's grounds, catching the very edge of the Quidditch stands from here. He would love to go out for a fly right now to release some of the tension that has started to build in his shoulders, but he doesn't think that would be a very good idea. If he's high, he probably shouldn't be flying.
An hour or so later, Sirius suggests they go on a walk. They sneak out of the forgotten classroom and make sure the coast is clear. The Prefects have been on their rounds now for the last hour, and he has no idea who is on the rotation for tonight, so he would rather not risk getting caught. It's not like he can try and flirt his way out of a detention if his boyfriend is standing right next to him, although, knowing Jess, he would probably just find that amusing.
They spend another hour wandering around the sixth and fifth floor, before making it to the fourth. Sirius gasps dramatically when they come across a broom cupboard, before opening it and raising his eyebrows.
"Care to join me on a romantic getaway in one of Hogwarts' finest rooms?" He giggles.
"One of the finest rooms? I think you mean the finest room." As Jess enters the cupboard, he stops just beside Sirius and whispers, "As one of it's most frequent visitors, you'd think you would know that by now."
Sirius squawks in offence and swats him into the cupboard. The door slams shut behind them. Jess corners him against the wall, his hands immediately going to Sirius' tie, loosening it. Sirius smiles as their lips meet in the middle. His hands drop to Jess' trousers, used to this routine now.
His hand is almost where he wants it to be when they are interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Jess jumps away from him, startled, but Sirius just stares blandly at the figure in the doorway. He rolls his eyes when he realises who it is.
Regulus grimaces at the scene in front of him before stepping back a bit, enough to give the two Gryffindors enough privacy to compose themselves.
"Maybe if we ignore him, he'll just go away," Sirius suggests to Jess, who makes a noise of agreement.
"I won't," comes Black's sour voice.
Sirius makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds like a growl before pushing himself away from the wall and walking out of the broom cupboard, Jess following him. He glares at the Slytherin boy on his way out, and only when he is out of the dark cupboard does he realise that Scarlett Stark is here, too. They must be the ones doing rounds tonight.
"You are such a buzz kill."
"Mhm, go back to your common room. Or, better yet, your dormitory if that is you're getting up to." Black gestures to the cupboard with a look of disgust on his face.
"What, are you going to give me another detention? You know, I didn't take you for a homophobe, Black."
Regulus' blank stare falters slightly, an emotion finally cracking through that façade of his. It looks like resentment. He blinks and it's gone.
"I think I've given you enough detentions this week. It's time you left," the other boy says in a firm voice. Sirius ponders whether it would be worth standing here and arguing with him for another ten minutes, but he eventually decides that he would rather spend his time with Jess, not Regulus Black. So, with one final glare, he turns on his heel and starts walking away.
"I can't believe we just got cock-blocked by a Prefect and then sent on our way without a detention," Jess says in a hushed tone, sounding completely amazed.
"I know," Sirius agrees, frowning. He glances over his shoulder and looks at the back of Black's head, which is retreating down the other end of the corridor with Stark. He can't tell if Regulus is just tired with him this year, or if he's trying to be a bigger person. Either way, Sirius doesn't like it.
It's almost eleven o'clock by the time he makes it to his dormitory. He and Jess kiss good night and make plans to spend the day together tomorrow instead. Everyone will be off at Hogsmeade, so they will have two free dormitories to themselves.
When he enters his room, he almost crashes right into someone. It takes him less than a second to realise it's Remus. Sirius wonders when he got back from the infirmary, and why he's out of bed. The other boys are all fast asleep behind their bedcurtains, from what he can see.
"Remus," Sirius whispers.
Remus just looks at him before dropping his eyes to the floor, flinching. Sirius swallows what feels like bile in his throat.
"Okay," he sighs and then starts walking over to the bathroom. He closes the door quickly behind him, and, he might be mistaken, but he thinks he hears Remus quietly say, "Sirius."
He doesn't open the door again to check.
Saturday - 20th December, 1975
Tomorrow they will be going home for Christmas. Sirius doesn't understand why they aren't going home today, as they don't have lessons, but whatever. He's glad he gets the extra day to spend with Jess before being separated for two weeks. Jess won't be going to the Potters' Christmas Eve party this year, because he and his family are going to visit family in Ireland over the holidays.
After breakfast, all of his friends start heading towards the courtyard where they will then leave to go to Hogsmeade. Everyone, except Remus, who Sirius finds out will not be going to visit the village today. Sirius and Jess had originally been planning to use the dormitory today, but they will just have to use Jess' instead and hope that none of his roommates are staying behind today.
He and Jess walk up to Gryffindor Tower together, and Jess poses a question Sirius has been expecting for a while now, ever since his birthday really.
"Sirius?"
"Mm?"
"You know, everything we've been doing has been great- wonderful, actually. I just wanted to ask, if you're ready to take it to the next level, uh... I would be willing- more than willing. I would be- it- I mean..." Jess sighs and then laughs, dropping his head into his hands as they come to a stop in the middle of the corridor. "Oh, I'm messing this up."
Sirius watches him fondly. "No, you're not. Jess, look at me." Jess drops his hands, showing off his blazing, red face. Sirius smiles. "Are you talking about sex?"
"Yes," Jess says, voice sounding strained.
"Hm," Sirius hums, glancing up at the ceiling and pressing a finger to his chin like he's thinking it through. He takes a step forward, then another, until he is standing right in front of Jess. He presses a small peck to the other boy's lips and then smiles again. "Yeah, I think I'm ready to take it to the next level, or whatever it was you said."
"Don't be mean," Jess snorts. "Also, you 'think'. I don't want you to regret it... if you aren't ready, that's completely fine. I was only suggesting-"
Sirius reaches up to cover Jess' mouth with his hand. "Jess, shut up for five seconds!" He laughs. "I am ready. Is that good enough for you?"
Jess mumbles something against Sirius' palm and then nods.
"Alright, then. You were talking about today, right?" Sirius asks.
"Yeah."
"Come on then," Sirius links his fingers through Jess' and starts pulling him towards the staircases. "Let's go shag."
Jess snorts. "Shag?"
"Would you like me to say 'let's go fuck' instead?" Sirius raises an eyebrow at him.
Jess blinks once, then twice. "I wouldn't be... opposed to it," he mumbles.
Sirius just laughs again before speeding up his steps. On the way there, they make sure they are actually prepared to take this next step. As it turns out, they have both researched the correct spells to use separately, which is convenient.
"Who's going to go, you know, where?" Jess asks him as they step through the portrait to Gryffindor Tower. The common room is barren, not a single student in sight. They make their way straight for the boys' dormitories.
"Which would you prefer?"
"Er, which would you prefer?" Jess echoes.
"I asked first," Sirius says, but when he notices Jess' shy expression, he takes pity on him. "I don't really know how it works properly, not yet anyway. But whenever I've pictured it, you've always been the one... doing it."
"So, I would be on top?"
"Unless you want to try it the other way. I don't mind," Sirius shrugs. He doesn't know why they have suddenly swapped roles - Sirius being the confident one and Jess being shy. For all that he is confident around his friends, Sirius tends to get a bit pathetic around Jess. It's because he's attractive and Sirius doesn't know how to just deal with that sometimes.
"No, I agree with you. Are you sure that's how you want to do it?" Jess questions as they make it to the door to his bedroom.
"Yeah, that feels right," Sirius nods.
They enter the room and sigh with relief when they find it empty. Jess puts up a secure locking charm on the door, just in case any of his roommates happen to come back early. When he turns around, Sirius instantly pulls him into a kiss. He doesn't want them to feel too awkward about this. Obviously, it's going to be a bit of an awkward situation, especially with it being Sirius' first time, but he also wants it to be something that, when he thinks of it, makes him smile.
Jess walks them back until Sirius' legs hit the edge of his bed. Then, he picks Sirius up without warning, causing him to let out a small, surprised yelp. Jess gently places him down on the bed, hovering over him as he does.
He feels as Jess slowly starts to undress him, first pulling his t-shirt off and then unbuttoning his trousers. Sirius starts doing the same, so they have to break their kiss a couple of times, but they just fill the space with laughter, especially when Jess' top gets stuck on his head.
When there's nothing left between them, Sirius looks up at Jess, stares right into his hazel eyes and smiles softly. He nods and waits as Jess performs all the necessary spells; it's an odd feeling, not quite uncomfortable, but definitely more intrusive than he expected it would be.
"Are you ready?" Jess asks.
"Yeah," Sirius nods.
The first thing Sirius thinks once it's over is that his lower back aches. It wasn't what he anticipated, though, he knows the first time is never supposed to be perfect. Once the stinging sensation died down, it was exciting. Strange, but not in a displeasing way - in fact, it was quite the opposite. He's glad he let Jess do most of the work, so the pressure wasn't really on him.
Jess was soft with his touches, fingers lightly grazing over Sirius' arms and along the scars on his shoulder. Mouth leaving slow and languid kisses along the junction between Sirius' shoulder and neck, and soft kisses on his lips. It was all very sweet.
They are under the blanket now, Jess has his arms around Sirius, who lays his head on the other boy's chest. He can feel his heart beating speedily beneath him. Sirius stares at Jess bare torso, toned slightly with muscle, a bit paler than usual due to the fact that it's winter. They are wearing their boxers now because, for some reason, Sirius didn't like the idea of laying completely naked after what they just did. He needs a moment to recompose himself.
When he looks up at Jess, he discovers his boyfriend already watching him. There's a softness to his eyes that Sirius has started noticing more and more recently.
He sort of expects it to come before Jess even says it, but a part of him hopes he's wrong.
"I love you," Jess says quietly, running his knuckles gently down Sirius' face.
Sirius drops his gaze and, when he realises he can't say it back, he sits up. The blanket bunches around his hips, but he doesn't really notice it. He rests his elbows on his bent knees and drops his face into his hands. His breath is caught in his throat, lost with the panic he's feeling because he has no idea what he's supposed to do. How he's supposed to respond to that. Shouldn't the answer be obvious?
The thing is, he's known this for a while, that he doesn't love Jess, that is. Not in the way he should anyway. It's been fourteen months, and he still can't... he can't because he's- he's-
Shit, he still likes Remus.
It hits him like the Hogwarts Express. After all this time spent with Jess, kissing him, sharing his secrets with him, being loved by him, and Sirius was incapable of returning it all along, because he's too busy looking at someone else. It hurts him when he realises, because he really and truly thought that he got over Remus last September, but he's just been ignorant to his own feelings. How could he do this to Jess?
His shoulders start to shake as he cries. He doesn't mean to, he doesn't want to concern Jess, especially after what he's just said to him, but he can't help it. He doesn't want to hurt Jess. Not the boy who has been so lovely to him, who has fallen in love with him.
Sirius is a horrible person.
"Hey, hey," Jess whispers, coming up behind him and pressing a warm hand to Sirius' bare back. Sirius cries harder at the tender touch; no noise comes out, it's like everything he's feeling is locked up in his chest, struggling as he attempts to breathe. "Sirius, please look at me."
"I don't want to," Sirius stutters out, because he knows he won't be able to hide it. Not from Jess, who somehow managed to understand exactly who Sirius was right from the jump. He's always been so perceptive, giving his all this whole time.
"Please, look at me," Jess' voice cracks this time, which catches Sirius off guard. He wipes his cheeks with trembling fingers and turns his head, meeting Jess' eye. He watches as something dawns on him, something like acceptance, though it's blanketed by about a hundred layers of disappointment.
"It's okay," Jess rasps, nodding, almost like he's trying to convince himself. He takes in a deep breath and then says the last thing Sirius is expecting. "It's him, isn't it?"
Sirius feels as his own face cracks open with misery, a grimace tugging at his features as he lets out another sob. He can't even answer, which is much less than what Jess deserves, so he just nods. He watches as tears start to fall down Jess' cheeks and he hates that he put them there. He feels absolutely sick with himself.
"It's okay," Jess repeats, his voice wobbling with each word. "I know. It's okay."
"Is it?" Sirius manages to say.
"Yeah," Jess nods. "We can't always choose who we fall in love with."
"Do you want me to go?" Sirius asks, voice small.
Jess looks pained as he nods, but Sirius understands. He doesn't blame him either. He wants to hug him, wants to kiss him one more time, but thinks that would be inappropriate or cruel, so he doesn't. He gets out of the bed, wincing as he goes. It's a ridiculous little thing, being reminded of what they just did as he leaves, never to return. It was something so intimate and so full of trust. They didn't know then what would happen right after, Sirius couldn't have even predicted it.
He gathers his clothes and puts them on as quick as he can, sniffling as he does. He doesn't turn around as he crosses the room and leaves through the door. He doesn't let himself breathe until he's reached his own dormitory. He slams the door shut behind him and leans against it. His exhale comes out as a sob and he slides down the door to the floor, muffling his cries into his forearm.
It takes him a few moments to remember that Remus is still in the castle somewhere. Sirius glances up and does a quick run of the room with his eyes, but it's empty. Not wanting to be caught crying to himself in a ball on the floor, especially by Remus, he gets up and goes to the bathroom to clean himself up.
By the time his friends come back from Hogsmeade, Sirius has managed to gather himself and make it look like he wasn't crying his heart out only an hour before. He doesn't feel like going to dinner, and he already accidentally missed lunch, so he asks if they boys want to go to the kitchens for their final night instead, and they all enthusiastically agree, saying they should invite the girls. It's a nice final night spent with his friends. Throughout the evening, he catches himself watching Remus a little bit too long, and instantly feels guilty for it. He knows he and Jess aren't together anymore, but, even though he wasn't in love with the boy, he's still heartbroken over it, and it would feel wrong to be staring at someone else so soon after.
That night, he sneaks into Peter's bed and asks if he can sleep there. Peter answers by shuffling across the mattress, leaving enough room for Sirius to lie down beside him. He cries silently. He's sure Peter must notice, but he doesn't say anything, and neither does Sirius.
***
Wednesday - 24th December, 1975
Regulus
Regulus isn't sure he will ever be someone who enjoys Christmas, not after having too many bad ones. The single good Christmas he remembers - the one when his uncle Alphard was about - has become a bitter memory over the years, only a reminder of what he could have had if his family was a normal and functioning one, rather than the cult it sometimes feels like.
This year, he gets the most devastating news he has heard since he found out Lucius was a Death Eater. His father is sick again. He isn't as ill as he used to be, he's still able to leave the house for work and to attend the Dark Lord's meetings, but Regulus can tell his father is struggling. His skin now always shines with a thin layer of sweat and his eyes are sunken, making him look particularly skeletal. His hair has become greyer since Regulus last saw him in the summer, making him look decades older than he actually is.
When the annual Christmas Eve ball rolls around, Orion arrives to the event masked behind glamour charms, something he is sure his mother enforced, not wanting her husband to embarrass her with his fragile health. The glamour charms hide the black circles residing beneath his father's eyes and give his cheeks a little bit of colour, making him look healthier than he actually is. They don't, however, hide the fatigue that is evident in the man's dark eyes.
Regulus is relieved when Scarlett shows up earlier than expected. He instantly takes her over to the dance floor, knowing it will satiate both of their overbearing mother's, whilst also giving them the opportunity to talk for the first time since the holidays began. Regulus tells her about his father's impending health, then they move onto how they have both noticed their parents going to more and more meetings.
"I have kept track of their departures, they have been leaving every single night since I returned home," Scarlett tells him. Regulus hasn't put as much effort into monitoring his parents' outings, though he has noticed them leaving the house more often than they used to, still at odd hours of the night. Sometimes, when he can't sleep, he listens to the pacing of his mother on the floor above him until they eventually stop and the sound of the Floo network being used is heard.
When Evan arrives, they use this as an excuse to move away from the dancing couples, and join him by one of the walls to the side. He's nursing a glass of what looks to be white wine. He once admitted to Regulus that, even though he was obligated to drink it at events by his parents, he found that he actually quite liked the drink. Regulus still isn't sure how he feels about alcohol.
Not too long after Regulus and Scarlett greet Evan does Holly make her way over to join them. Regulus doesn't know the girl very well, but it is clear to anyone with eyes that she is very happy about the pairing between herself and Evan. She holds the same sort of grace that Narcissa does when she moves around, but the moment she starts speaking, all of the Pureblood training Regulus is certain she's had must go out the window, because she speaks in long sentences, her words tumbling all over each other excitedly. In a weird sort of way, she reminds him of Barty when she speaks, like she's got so many thoughts but can't get them out of her mouth fast enough to articulate them all. The irony in that doesn't fail to amuse him.
As she starts talking to them about this book she discovered on all of the uses of unicorn hair, Regulus turns to Evan only to find him watching the girl fondly. There's nothing fundamentally romantic about the way he watches her, but it's clear that he likes her. Regulus wonders if, during all of the time he has spent with her this year just to spite Barty, he has grown to care for the girl. Regulus supposes, if they must be forced into these barbaric arranged marriages, then it's better that they are actually interested in the person they will likely be spending the rest of their lives with.
Regulus glances at Scarlett, who is listening intently to whatever topic Holly has moved onto now. He is glad that they are on the same page, that they won't be getting married any time soon. But, he also knows that, if he had to marry any girl, he is glad he would be stuck with Scarlett. Not because he feels any romantic feeling towards her (he doubts he is even capable of feeling that for a girl), but because he does love her, even if it isn't in the way he should if they were to marry.
"Oh, Evan, remember you promised me that dance tonight?" Holly stares warmly up at the blonde boy, who blushes when Scarlett lets out a quiet snort.
"Right, yeah," Evan clears his throat. "Of course. Shall we?" He holds his hand out and Holly takes it eagerly, allowing herself to be led towards the rest of the dancing guests.
Regulus doesn't have time to express his amusement towards the situation before there is another person blocking his view of Evan and Holly. He sighs as he meets Bellatrix eye-to-eye. Regulus is a little bit taller than she is now, which gives him a vague sense of superiority that he has never felt in the presence of his insane cousin before. She smirks up at him, nodding faintly at Scarlett in way of greeting.
"Cousin," she starts, her smirk somehow growing more menacing than it had been before. "I hear Rabastan has been educating you this year. Is it true?"
Regulus holds in a sigh at her mention of Rabastan. He has been trying to ignore the other boy all night, which has been harder than it sounds. He misses the old days when Rabastan wouldn't so much as acknowledge his existence at events like this.
"It is true," he responds haughtily. He can see Scarlett watching him out of the corner of his eye.
"Excellent. Does that mean little Reggie is finally ready to join the ranks?" Bellatrix asks, her tone eager in a way that makes Regulus uncomfortable. He doesn't know what to say to that. Luckily, Bellatrix starts talking again - well, maybe not luckily. "Everyone has been betting on you, whether you would be a crier or not when you finally get it," she says, pulling at the sleeve on her arm. Regulus' eyes drop to her forearm, where an image of a snake slithering through a skull has been etched in black ink into his cousin's skin. It writhes like it's alive, and Regulus gets a strange, phantom tingling sensation on his own arm. "Of course, I have faith you won't cry like Lucius did."
Regulus sends a brief look Scarlett's way and she returns it with one of her own before looking back over at Bellatrix's arm with poorly veiled disgust.
"Why is everyone betting on me?" Regulus questions, unsure of what else to say.
"You are the Black heir," Bellatrix explains as if that tells him everything he needs to know. Then, she adds, "He has high hopes for you. We all do. You will be one of our greatest, I can already tell."
Regulus feels as bile rises in his throat. He swallows it down and only just about manages a thankful smile towards Bellatrix before they are interrupted by another. Regulus feels himself sigh with relief when he notices Narcissa standing beside him. He has missed her, even if he is angry at her right now. They haven't spoken in months, it's the longest Regulus has ever gone without speaking to his favourite cousin.
Bellatrix pulls down her sleeve and Regulus is glad about it. He can't look at that horrid tattoo for any longer, not whilst knowing that he is probably going to be forced to have it marked on his own skin very soon. The whole situation makes him feel ill.
Much to Regulus' joy, he realises Nico, who is almost two years old now, is standing next to Narcissa's legs. Regulus smiles down at the boy and gets a toothy grin in return. Nico's hair has grown out a lot since Regulus last saw him, platinum blonde and curly just like his mother's. His eyes hold that specific greyish-blue hue that most members of the Black family's do.
Regulus hates that something so innocent is surrounded by so much darkness, it just doesn't feel right. He doesn't understand how Narcissa tolerates it.
When Bellatrix takes her leave, saying something about how she needs to go and find Rodolphus, Regulus crouches down to greet Nico, who looks extremely pleased to see him. When he stands up again, he finds Narcissa watching him, something conflicted shining in her eyes.
"I shall be right back, I am just going to go and get myself a beverage," Scarlett says, and Regulus nods.
"How have you been?" Narcissa asks.
"You would know if you had bothered writing to me this term," he replies snarkily. He knows he is being immature, that he can't have actually expected Narcissa to write to him after the way he treated her the last time they spoke, but he can't help it. He is still annoyed with her, even if he doesn't want to be.
"I didn't think you would appreciate any of my letters," Narcissa whispers, no bite behind her words, just honesty.
"I might have," Regulus says, toeing the floor with his shoe.
"If I send you a letter when you return to school, will you respond to it?" Narcissa asks. It is only then that Regulus realises how sad she looks. It makes something pang in his heart.
"Of course, I would," he tells her. "I am still angry at you, but I... miss you, I suppose."
Narcissa lets out a tinkering, little laugh. "I am still angry at you, too. I have also missed you, very much."
Regulus smiles shyly down at her. Maybe the evening won't be as terrible as he expected after all.
Thursday - 25th December, 1975
That morning, Regulus wakes and finds snow blanketing over the garden of Grimmauld Place. He smiles, happy there is at least one thing to look forward to today. He wants to see if he remembers how to build a snowman. He and James hadn't made one together this year, not like they had the year previous. He is now disappointed that they forgot.
Breakfast that morning is the same as it is every other morning, nothing special to it even though it's Christmas. His father greets him by saying, "Merry Christmas", but his mother hardly even acknowledges his presence, merely sending him a short nod before returning to reading her copy of The Daily Prophet.
Regulus digs into the breakfast Kreacher has prepared, not bothering to look at his newspaper copy yet. Nowadays, tragedy is usually what one will find when reading the news, so Regulus waits until he's finished eating. He settles back into his chair once he's done and unfolds the paper.
He isn't surprised when he discovers more people died last night. However, instead of this being an attack against Muggles or Muggleborns, it states that there was another attempted break-in to the Department of Mysteries. Regulus wonders what could be in there that is of enough importance that the Dark Lord's Death Eaters keep risking their covers to retrieve it. Or, perhaps, it's a room in the department that they want. Regulus has heard rumours of their being multiple different and odd rooms in the Department of Mysteries, though he knows how unlikely the truth of those rumours are.
Two Aurors and one guard defending the department were killed, and two workers were injured. None of the criminals were caught this time, unlike last time. Regulus decides not to read the names of the casualties, not sure he could just live with it if he recognises any of the names. His mind wanders back to last night when he saw Narcissa and Nico. For the first time, he realises that he hadn't actually seen Lucius, he was too busy hoping to avoid him to notice his absence.
Regulus knows what that means.
Lucius was at the Department of Mysteries last night. He probably killed someone.
Regulus excuses himself from the table and hurries out towards the gardens behind the house. He feels like he's suffocating under pressure that has hardly even touched him yet, and he's already struggling with the weight of it.
He isn't sure where he's going at first, not until he enters the labyrinth and finds his feet carrying him down it's narrow passages. He mentally tracks the turns he takes so that he doesn't end up getting lost, it's a nice distraction from the thoughts rocking around inside his mind. When he makes it to the centre of the maze and finds the bench that sits in the middle of it, he drops down onto the seat and lets out an agonised sigh.
He wishes he was at Hogwarts with James right now, or talking about Divination with Pandora, or watching as Evan and Barty continue to ignore each other. He would take any of it if it meant he didn't have to be here. Being home didn't used to feel as bad as it does not, but then he went to Hogwarts and got a taste of freedom, now he's always reaching for more of it, but every time he does, he only gets further away from it.
Speaking of Barty, Regulus hasn't heard from him all holiday, which is concerning, especially after the letter Barty received earlier on in the year. He and Regulus spent the final night before term ended spelling Barty's hair back to one colour, not wanting to risk his father pulling him out of school for that. Regulus had promised that, as soon as they got back, he would put it back, as Barty has grown especially fond of his blonde hair.
Regulus feels as the cold snow on the bench seeps though his clothes, grounding him. He puts aside his worries about Barty, Bellatrix's tattoo, and the break-in that occurred last night, knowing there is nothing he can do about any of those things right now. Instead, he lets his head fall backwards and closes his eyes, letting himself pretend he's on the grounds of Hogwarts right now, rather than back in London with his mother.
When he goes to bed that evening, he pulls out his notebook from under his pillow and notices there's an entry from James waiting for him. Regulus feels as something swells in his chest as he reads it.
Merry Christmas, starlight. I wish you
were here with me, I miss you.
He writes back almost instantly, not sure when James wrote out his message. It could have been hours ago for all Regulus knows. He doesn't want to keep James waiting any longer.
Merry Christmas, sunshine.
I miss you, too.
How has your Christmas been?
James' response is instant.
It was alright. My parents had to leave
a few hours ago, for some
reason. I've
spent most of the day with Mollie (my house-elf),
who
wants to meet you, by the way. She doesn't
know who you are,
just that you are my "friend".
Regulus chuckles at that.
Your house-elf wants to meet me?
What have you been telling her?
He waits until James' next response appears, it doesn't take very long.
All good things, darling.
How has your Christmas been?
Regulus feels as his heart thumps skips happily in his chest. He doesn't think he will ever get over it when James calls him that.
Boring mostly. I wish I could have spent it with you.
They speak for another hour before Regulus falls asleep, the notebook tucked safely in his arms. He dreams of being held by James, his firm but gentle hands cradling Regulus' face like he's something precious. He dreams of being kissed firmly, excitement racing down his spine. When he wakes up, he can still feel James' hands on him.
Thursday - 1st January, 1976
Yesterday was Barty's birthday, Regulus sent him a letter, but he didn't receive a response. Evan hasn't heard from him since Hogwarts either, though that could be because the two of them are still fighting. Regulus is hoping Barty will be on the Hogwarts Express in three days, because if he isn't, he doesn't know what he will do. He promised Barty he wouldn't let his father do anything to him, that he wouldn't allow him to take Barty away. He intends to keep that promise, even if he doesn't exactly know how to do that quite yet.
The day starts off as any other day does. Regulus gets ready and then heads down for breakfast. His parents aren't home when he gets downstairs, Kreacher tells him they have gone to visit Bellatrix. Regulus isn't sure if he believes that, if Kreacher is just telling him what his mother ordered him to say, or if they are actually at one of the Dark Lord's meetings.
Once he's had breakfast, he makes his way up to the library to pass the time. He can't wait until Sunday, when he will finally get the chance to see his friends again, to see James. The holidays have passed relatively quickly, which he is grateful for. He is excited to see Dorcas and Pandora again, especially as he isn't allowed to see either of them when he is at home.
He spends the rest of the morning and the beginning of the afternoon in the library, reading a couple of books on Divination, as that is the only subject he is struggling with at the moment. He is surprised Grimmauld's library even holds books on Divination, he knows his mother views the subject as weak and useless. Regulus only took it because he didn't want to only take two electives, and he knew his mother would never allow him to take Muggle Studies. Perhaps he would have been better off choosing Care of Magical Creatures.
Regulus completely forgets to have lunch and, by the time Kreacher comes to find him, it is almost time for dinner. However, when Kreacher pops into the room, he doesn't inform Regulus that dinner is ready, he tells him that his mother is waiting for him in the drawing room. Regulus feels as his blood runs cold in his veins. As far as he is aware, he hasn't done anything worthy of punishment, not recently. Unless, she found out about James, though Regulus doubts it. If his mother were to discover his relationship with James, a boy, she would probably kill him.
He dismisses Kreacher and puts the book he was reading back in it's place on the shelf before making his way down to the drawing room. When he arrives, his mother is waiting there for him, sitting behind the desk in there. The chair Regulus had been expecting to be waiting for him in the middle of the room is opposite her. She gestures to it, so Regulus sits.
"Regulus. I have tolerated your ongoing friendship with certain students, even after I specifically instructed you to distance yourself from them. Clearly, you have no issue disregarding my warnings. This might not have been as big of an issue before as it is now." She stands from her chair and slowly makes her way around the table, towering over Regulus in a way that intimidates him. Her eyes are sharp, directed right onto his face, her lips pressed together into a thin frown.
Regulus wants to ask her what has changed between the summer and now, but he's too afraid of what his mother might say. Instead, he chooses to remain silent.
"However, you are to start obeying my commands if you are to be acceptable enough to join Dark Lord," she says, Regulus feels a shiver run down his back. "No more fraternising with blood traitors or freaks alike. No more rebelling against my strict orders. No more acting as if you run this house when you do not."
Regulus holds his head high, just as she taught him to, even though every cell in his body is telling him to flinch and cower under his mother's deadly voice. He expects her to start punishing him now, because he has continued to socialise with Pandora and Dorcas even after his mother has told him countless times not to.
However, she doesn't do that.
Regulus does flinch then, when his mother's hand starts moving towards his face. She doesn't strike him, or grab his chin controllingly, nor does she do anything else to harm him. Instead, she gently cups his cheek, similarly to the way James does, which strikes Regulus as extremely wrong. His mother has never been gentle with him, not even when he was a little boy. She has always been made of sharp, cutting edges and harsh words that aim to make him bleed.
When she looks at him now, there's something close to fondness in her gaze, though that might be a bit optimistic of him to think. She looks him right in the eye, face blank, her thumb runs down his cheekbone. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know if he should say something or react. He doesn't even know if he should breathe because he has no idea what is happening.
"You are my son," she speaks, voice almost soft. "I want the best for you, and the Dark Lord will offer you that. I know you can be stubborn and determined like your father, but it would be best if you channelled that into caring about what is best for your family, Regulus. The world is changing, so if you do not adapt now, you will be left behind, and I cannot allow that to happen."
Regulus struggles to process his mother's words. They almost sound caring, motherly even, which is odd for Walburga. She has never really been a very maternal woman. However, he can see what lies beneath her sugar-coated words. She knows he is going to be the head of the family in the near future, especially if his father's health continues to decline. Maybe she sees this as her last, desperate chance to "prepare" Regulus for that duty. He knows how his family is viewed by the public, how they have always acted towards topics such as blood purity and Muggleborns' integration in the Wizarding World. He knows his mother will want him to run the house just as it has always been run. What she doesn't know though is that Regulus has other plans. He will soon have power over his mother, he will have a spot in the Wizengamot and there will be no one there to stop the choices he makes.
He remembers once having a conversation with Narcissa about how he might be able to escape the family one day. He had originally thought she meant getting out, getting away, but now he realises what she really meant is that he can change everything. He will change everything.
For now, he just needs to act like the perfect heir, pretend he is following his mother's commands.
He throws his occlumency walls up as he confidently meets Walburga's grey eyes and says, "I know, mother. I will do better to please you and impress the Dark Lord."
She narrows her eyes like she's suspicious, but, eventually, her blank expression falls back into place and she nods approvingly before dismissing him. Regulus hurries up to his room and swiftly closes the door behind him. His heart is pounding in his chest, so he places his hand over it, hoping it will settle.
Suddenly, he can see his future unravelling in front of him, and he's afraid of what he will have to do on his journey for freedom from this family. There's a horrid feeling in the pit of his stomach, like this might not all go the way he has planned.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- poor Reg probably regrets opening that broom cupboard 💀
- wolfstar still aren't doing very well, sorry
- The whole "sex talk" between Jess was supposed to be somewhat awkward because, well, that's how it is in real life. And I'm trying to show a somewhat accurate representation of these regular teenage experiences, sorry if it made anyone uncomfy.
- Jess and Sirius are officially broken up - I can't wait to see everyone's thoughts about that in the comments 😭
- Sirius fully thought he was over Remus. You'll probably have questions about that, and the only answer is... he subconsciously convinced himself he was over Remus because he was with Jess. Turns out, he was wrong. Bad for Jess, but yay for wolfstar!
- Well! Regulus officially knows what the Dark Mark looks like.. He definitely thought it looked tacky - he's such a snob.
- Narcissa and Regulus reunion. They haven't exactly "made up" yet, but it's a step in the right direction.
- Walburga, in my opinion, is a very complicated character. I would like to put it out there that I don't like her, not even if she does actually care about her child(ren). To me, that makes her character even more unlikable. That's just my personal interpretation of her though :)We have over 40k hits on this whaaat?!! You guys have no idea how much I appreciate all of you <3 Here's the next chapter a day early. See you next week!
Chapter 64: Fifth Year: Celestial Conjunctions and Mystery Maps
Summary:
Remus and Sirius finally talk.
James shows Regulus something.
Snape is a menace.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of someone's pet dying
-bullyingLet me know if I missed anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
~ David Gilmour
Sunday - 4th January, 1976
Remus
The holidays haven't been very great for Remus. Christmas day was nice, much better than last year when he and Marie broke up. He can't believe it's already been a year. He spent Christmas with his parents watching old movies and eating the cookies they baked the previous evening.
A couple of days after Christmas, Remus had gone out to the stables to clean them out, when he came across Carpet lying on the floor. She had died at some point during the night and Remus was absolutely devastated. She had been getting old, though she should have still had a couple of years left in her. His tad said it was probably because of the cold weather.
Remus spent the rest of the holidays hanging out with his friends, trying not to think too hard about the fact that he just lost one of his oldest friends. He found out that Marie returned to school in November and that she's been trying her best to get back to her old life. Remus could tell that she was having a difficult time with it all, so he made it his mission to see her and the rest of his friends every single day before he had to leave.
Cara and Felix are still together and are, somehow, grosser than they had been last year. Hugo and Marie have developed a strange dynamic that Remus hadn't been expecting. He can see how much Marie has been relying on the boy over the last couple of months. Cara is the one to tell him that they spend most of their time together now. Remus is glad that Marie is finally fully accepting Hugo into their group. He remembers how, when Hugo first moved to Carmarthen, Marie used to dislike him, thinking he was trying to replace Remus, even though he very clearly wasn't.
Apparently, Marie is still friends with Billy, though she never brings him around the rest of them. She informs Remus that Billy hasn't picked on anyone in months, and how she hopes it's due to her influence. Remus doesn't care about Billy Ronson, and he doesn't think he ever will, but he is glad to know that Marie is helping someone out. She's always been one of the kindest people he knows.
When the fourth rolls around, Remus is sad to leave, he doesn't want to go back to Hogwarts yet. He still isn't talking to Sirius, but he misses him so much. He is still having nightmares about that night, he isn't sure if they are going to stop any time soon. There is a part of him that is dreading going back to school and having to face Sirius, especially after having just spent the last two weeks without any contact between them. He wonders if Sirius hates him yet.
His tad comes with him to the station, but his mam stays home, so he says goodbye to her before travelling through the Floo. He doesn't spot any of his friends on the platform, so he decides to board the train alone. He hugs Lyall and then rushes onto the train with his trunk trailing behind him. He finds Marlene and Mary sitting in an, otherwise empty, compartment and decides to join them.
They smile and jump up from their seats to pull him into a hug the moment they notice him. He places his trunk on the rack above their heads and then sits down between the two girls. They catch up on what they did over Christmas, Marlene complains about how her brother Bobby and his fiancé Sybill were halfway down each other's throats for most of the holiday, and Mary talks about how excited her little sister was to see her.
It doesn't take very long before Peter, James and Sirius join them. Mary moves over to sit beside James and Peter, leaving Sirius to settle beside Marlene. He sits near the window, instead of beside Remus, not that Remus really blames him.
When he properly looks at Sirius, he notices there's something off about the boy. He looks... sad. Not in the way he has been since Remus stopped talking to him, there's something else. Something Remus can't quite put his finger on.
Remus gets his answer around halfway through the journey. James makes an offhanded joke about how he's surprised that Sirius and Jess aren't all over each other, as Jess apparently spent the entire break in Ireland, so he and Sirius wouldn't have had the chance to visit each other.
"Don't worry, you won't have to watch us being all over each other in public anymore," Sirius says, eyes stuck on something out the window. "We broke up."
Remus has to hold in a gasp at Sirius' words. They broke up? Since when? The last time Remus checked, they were obsessed with each other - in love, he thought. He glances at Sirius and watches as the boy blinks and looks away from the window, his eyes landing on Remus briefly before moving to James.
"What, when?" James asks, frowning. Remus notes that he doesn't appear to be upset by this news, maybe just concerned.
"Right before the break," Sirius mumbles, shrugging.
"Are you okay?" Mary asks.
"Yeah, I just... it wasn't right. I didn't love him, not like that," he explains, then frowns at his own words. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"Alright," Marlene says, catching Sirius' attention. "Let's not talk about boys, they're gross anyway." Marlene starts talking about how Edwin and Gideon helped her sneak out on New Year's, so she could go to Fabian and Kamilla's party at their new house.
Remus' eyes keep drifting over to Sirius during the rest of the journey. Every time they do, he catches Sirius staring off into space, looking deeply thoughtful. Remus wonders what he could be thinking about, wonders if he misses Jess. There's a horrible part of him that is relieved that Jess is no longer in the picture, but he shoves that train of thought down inside of him and buries it under every other terrible part of himself. It isn't fair of him to think like that, especially when it is obviously affecting Sirius badly.
For the first time in a while though, Remus realises that, when he looks at Sirius, his mind doesn't immediately go to his fear of hurting the other boy again. It's a relief, and he wonders if it has anything to do with the time they have spent apart. All he knows is that he misses his friend. He misses him a lot.
When they get back to Hogwarts, they go straight to the Great Hall for dinner, where they find Lily and Azalia waiting for them at the Gryffindor table. They each catch up on their Christmases and Lily tells them about how Pandora stayed in Gryffindor Tower throughout most of the holidays, a bright smile on her face as she recounts what they got up to.
Remus sits between James and Lily at dinner and, somehow, ends up directly opposite Sirius. He notices the other boy sending him subtle looks throughout the meal, though he doesn't once try to speak to him. Remus wants to talk to him, desperately, but he doesn't think the first thing he says to Sirius for weeks should be in front of everyone. It has been no secret to any of their friends that Sirius and Remus haven't been speaking, not since November, so it would probably strike everyone as odd if Remus suddenly engaged him in conversation. Not to mention how Sirius would react - he will probably be very mad.
By the time they make it up to Gryffindor Tower, it's gone half-past nine, and half of them are exhausted from the train ride. Remus can't wait to go to sleep. The moon is in just less than two weeks, and the last one had gone horribly without his friends being there, so he's still recovering from that.
When they make it to the tower, Peter and Frank decide to stay down in the common room with the girls for a little while before they head up for bed. Remus waves good night to them, knowing he will likely be asleep by the time they make it up to the dormitory. They have lessons tomorrow, he sort of wishes they had another day to adjust to being back in the castle.
James goes right for the bathroom when they get upstairs, and Remus makes his way over to his bed to get changed. He listens to Sirius' pattering footsteps as he crosses the room towards his own bed. Remus feels as his own nerves spike at the prospect of talking to the boy again, he wonders how angry he will be.
He procrastinates for a little bit too long, and, before he gets the chance to grab Sirius' attention, James is making his way out of the bathroom. He smiles briefly at Remus, who mirrors his expression as he passes him towards the bathroom. Sirius isn't about, so Remus assumes he's already tucked himself away behind his bedcurtains. He doesn't turn the light on when he gets in there, not needing it with his advanced senses. He sits on the edge of the bath as he cleans his teeth, staring off into space, picturing how Sirius will react. He doubts he will get the chance to speak to him tonight now, so he will have to wait until tomorrow or some other time in the week.
Once he's finished brushing his teeth, he slaps some water on his face to cool himself down. As he turns to leave the bathroom, he meets Sirius in the doorway, who looks surprised by Remus' presence. He stares up at Remus with wide, blank eyes, though Remus thinks he can see a hint of worry in his expression. Sirius swallows and then turns around like he's going to go back into the dormitory, but Remus rushes to wrap his hand around Sirius' wrist, catching him before he can run away.
Sirius looks down at where their bodies make contact, a questioning look in his eyes. Remus gently pulls him into the bathroom, hoping that Sirius will take the hint. He does, thankfully, and lets himself be drawn into the dark room. Remus closes the door, and only then does he turn the light on. Now that he can see him, Remus notices Sirius watching with thinly veiled curiosity.
"Sirius," Remus whispers. He doesn't mean to, but it's like his voice won't work properly. It's just... Sirius is looking at him like he wants to know all of his secrets, everything that is going on in his head. Remus would let him, too. He would tell him every thought he ever had for the rest of his life if it meant he would never stop looking at him like that.
Sirius just blinks, looking like he doesn't know if he is allowed to speak or not.
"I'm sorry," Remus mumbles, eyebrows furrowing. "I shouldn't have cut you out, especially not for as long as I did. I thought I was doing it for you, but I wasn't- I was being selfish. I needed time, but I should have been the one to tell you that. It wasn't fair of me to completely disregard you the way I did. I'm really sorry. I understand if you're angry, and you can give me the silent treatment for as long as you'd like. I just... I wanted you to know that."
Remus isn't sure when it happened, probably at some point during his rambling, but Sirius' small frown has twisted up into a faint smile. A warm, fond expression on his face as he continues to simply watch Remus like he's endlessly amused by him. Remus feels his heart get trapped in his windpipe, making it hard to breathe as it beats harder and harder. He can feel the way his magic has stilled around them both in the air, earthy just like it always is, but there's something else mingling with it that feels a bit like the electric shocks he sometimes gets when he touches his mam's car door.
Sirius takes a step towards him, making Remus realise for the first time that he is trapped against the sink, giving Sirius free reign of the space between them. He walks until he's standing right in front of Remus, until he can hear Sirius' heart beating rapidly like something that has been imprisoned against it's will and is trying it's best to break free of it's shackles.
"I forgive you," Sirius says, voice soft. Remus' eyes drop to the boy's lips and all he wants to do is kiss him, but he knows Sirius doesn't like him in that way. Plus, he just got out of a relationship with someone who he was with for over a year. It would be wrong for Remus to do anything right now.
And yet, when Sirius starts to move closer, as if they aren't already standing toe-to-toe right now, Remus can't help but be drawn in. Amber eyes meet silver ones, trepidation passing between them, as if they are both wondering how far the other will let this go. Remus once read somewhere that when a star gets very close to the moon, so much so that it looks like they could be touching, it is called a conjunction. He always thought that sounded a bit too boring for something so amazing, for something celestial. But, at this moment, as he feels Sirius' breath ghost over his lips, he realises that that is exactly what this feels like. A conjunction, right before a crash.
He is working himself up to closing the gap between them when the door opens behind Sirius, causing him to jump back from Remus like he's been hit with a stinging jinx. Remus feels as his face turns red the moment Peter's eyes land on him. He avoids meeting his probing stare, and looks at the ground instead. Sirius remains silent beside him, clearly not knowing what to say either.
After a moment of tense silence, Remus clears his throat. He doesn't look at either of the boys in the room as he announces he's going to bed. He walks through the dark dormitory and buries himself beneath his covers, spelling his curtains shut. He can feel his heart hammering erratically in his chest.
Did he almost just kiss Sirius?
What is wrong with him?
It looked like Sirius might have let him, but Remus knows he wouldn't have actually wanted to. Not if he actually had the chance to think about it. Sirius is just upset because he and Jess broke up, he's probably feeling a bit lonely and vulnerable, and Remus almost took advantage of that. He is glad they are speaking again, worried about how quickly Sirius forgave him, but overall relieved that he doesn't feel the urge to ignore him anymore. No, if anything, he wants to give all of his attention to Sirius and never take his eyes away from him.
It doesn't take long for Remus to fall asleep. He dreams of what would have happened if Peter hadn't disrupted them. He dreams of a world where Sirius wouldn't pull away after a few seconds with a regretful look on his face, a world where he kisses Remus deeply and pulls him in closer like it's the most natural thing he's ever done.
He wakes up the next morning feeling sweaty and out of breath, as well as embarrassed and ashamed. He really needs to get himself under control.
Monday - 5th January, 1976
Remus loves Monday mornings because he always has a free period, which means he gets a longer lie in than the rest of the boys, who have Divination, except for Frank, who is just an early riser. He gets up around the same time the other boys leave the dormitory for breakfast and is slow when he gets ready. His stomach is grumbling when he makes it down to the kitchens, as the Great Hall have stopped serving breakfast by the time he leaves his dormitory.
The house-elves are excited to see him and practically push him over to a table. He asks for his usual pancakes and an elf called Slinky clicks their fingers, conjuring a large plate of them. Remus digs around in his school bag for the book he has been reading, and then props it up against his goblet of apple juice and starts reading it as he eats.
He has Charms with Lily and Peter next, Mary is also in the class with them but she sits with Emmeline on the other side of the room. Flitwick has been teaching them silencing charms recently. Remus doesn't know why they still teach those, he doesn't believe anyone should lose their ability to speak. He imagines it's probably been used during horrible events that could have been avoided had the charm not existed. Still, he listens as Flitwick goes through the wand movements for it and then has a go at practicing it on a mouse they are each given.
At the end of the lesson, the three of them wait by the door for Mary, who is still sitting at her table beside Emmeline. It looks like they are having a serious conversation, so Remus looks away and instead falls into conversation with Lily and Peter about how their O.W.Ls revision is going. Peter admits that he hasn't actually done any studying for them yet, he usually procrastinates until late March each year anyway. Lily, on the other hand, has been a frequent visitor of the library since December, already getting a head start.
Remus almost misses the way Emmeline rushes past them and out of the classroom, a crushed expression on her face as she goes. He frowns and then turns to find Mary slowly walking towards them, her face grave.
"What happened? Did you have a fight?" Lily asks.
"We broke up," Mary grimaces.
"Why?" Peter questions, looking disappointed by the news. He had quite liked Emmeline, the both of them sharing a fondness for Herbology.
"I was going to do it later, but she could tell there was something wrong and I didn't want to lie to her, so I had to do it now. I really liked her, she's a lovely girl, I just didn't feel any spark, you know?" Mary explains as they walk down the corridor towards the Great Hall. "I feel terrible, but I didn't want to keep leading her on. I sort of hoped that, eventually, I would feel something more than just attraction, but I don't know... maybe I'm just not cut out for relationships."
"I'm sure that's not it," Remus tells her, reaching out to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She smiles sadly up at him and then sighs.
"I think I'm going to stay single for a while. I haven't properly been since second year," she says. "Jesus, that makes me sound like some sort of scarlet woman."
Lily chuckles. "No, you just like having someone who cares about you as much as a boyfriend or a girlfriend does. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Ooh, instead of finding someone for myself, I should set you up with someone," Mary grins, an eager glint shines in her eyes at the idea. Remus snorts as Lily's eyes widen and her cheeks turn pink. "I am Cupid after all. Any boys catch your fancy?"
"No," Lily blurts out, sounding horrified.
"Any girls then?" Mary nudges her teasingly with her elbow.
"I- no!" Lily tuts. "Set one of your other friends up with someone, I am perfectly fine on my own."
"Oh, but Lily," Mary groans dramatically, "You've never even been on a date before."
"So? Neither has Marlene, or Azalia. Set one of them up with someone, just leave me out of it," Lily commands, giving Mary a hard stare.
"Fine," Mary scowls, but there's no real annoyance behind it. Then, she turns her eyes onto Remus. "You've been single for a while now."
"Ah, yes, remind me why don't you," he mutters sarcastically.
Mary smirks. "Anyone tickle your fancy?"
"I feel like the word tickle should never be used by you," Peter cuts in to say. Mary chucks her head back and laughs.
"I'm like Lily. I don't need to be with anyone right now," he shrugs. His mind, the traitor that it is, reminds him of his encounter in the bathroom with Sirius the night before. He still isn't entirely sure what happened there, but that might be because he's been trying not to think about it. He's decided that pretending it never happened would be the best option for everyone, so that's what he's doing.
"You're all boring," Mary grumbles as they enter the hall.
The moment Remus sits down, the empty seat beside him is filled, and when he looks up to see who it is, he almost jumps in surprise.
"Dorcas?"
Without any preamble, she throws her arms around him and squeezes him into a tight hug. Remus feels as all of the wind is knocked from his body. He glances at his friends, who all look a mixture of shocked and amused. Marlene just rolls her eyes and looks down at her plate.
"I heard about Carpet," Dorcas explains as she pulls away from him. "I can't believe it. I'm so sorry."
"Oh, er, it's okay," Remus mumbles. Then, confused, he asks, "How did you even know? I haven't told anyone about it."
"Pandora told me," Dorcas shrugs.
"...And how did Pandora know?"
"I don't know, she just knows things sometimes. Anyway, I should probably get back to the Slytherin table, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for your loss." She gives him a sympathetic smile and then scurries off towards the opposite side of the hall.
"Carpet died?" Lily asks, looking saddened by the news.
"Yeah."
"Who the hell is Carpet?" Azalia asks, miffed.
"Remus' favourite horse," Sirius says. Remus notices that Sirius is watching him like he's about to start sobbing about it right here in front of the entire hall of students.
"You called your horse Carpet?" Azalia snorts.
"I was like four," Remus sighs. "Anyway, I'm fine. It's sad, yes, but I don't really want to think about it."
"I can't believe it," James frowns.
"There, there," Peter says, patting James' shoulder. He looks like he is about to start sobbing in front of the entire hall full of students.
After break, Remus has Defence. He walks there with Lily and Peter, who are also in his class. When he arrives, Regulus is already in his seat. Remus sits down beside him and starts unpacking his bag. They wait for Oliver and the rest of the class to join them in silence.
Or, at least, they do until Regulus starts talking.
"Sorry about your horse," he says and Remus actually laughs at how ridiculous his morning has been so far. Regulus Black, of all people, is apologising to him because his horse died. Sure. Why not? Apparently, the whole bloody school knows about his loss now.
Regulus tilts his head to the side and watches Remus with a puzzled expression. "Usually death isn't a funny subject."
"I know," Remus breathes as his laughter dies out. "I just can't believe that's the first thing you decided to say to me. Also, I swear you didn't even know I had a horse."
"No, but I've heard losing a pet is a sad thing, so I thought I would be nice, but never mind."
"No, no." Remus waves his hand through the air. "It was nice, thank you."
"You're welcome," Regulus mumbles in response and Remus can't help but laugh again.
When he turns to check if Lily is alright, he notices she is speaking with Snape. The two of them smile at each other and Remus has to fight not to yell. The last time he checked, Lily was avoiding the bastard because of the argument they had at Slughorn's Halloween bash. And now, they're just friends again? Remus can't believe it.
All he can think about is how Snape never got past that barrier they placed around the Slytherin common room, which means he should not be treating Lily like she's his friend, because he clearly doesn't actually care about her.
He scowls and turns away from the pair.
"What's wrong?" Regulus asks.
"Snape and Lily are apparently friends again," he huffs, jabbing a thumb in their direction. Regulus throws a look over his shoulder and grimaces. Remus thinks that is the only appropriate response to that situation.
He has History of Magic next, which is just as boring as the professor teaching it is. He almost falls asleep at one point, but is awoken by Violetta, who throws a balled up piece of paper at his head. After class, he, Violetta and Mary walk to the Great Hall together, the girls arm-in-arm. He hasn't seen Violetta since before Christmas, as she didn't sit with them on the train, so they catch up and talk about their Christmases. She, too, apologises for the loss of his horse. Apparently the death of Carpet Lupin is some sort of national loss, or something.
By the time they get to the hall, the rest of their friends are already sitting at the Gryffindor table. Remus gets stuck sitting between Sirius and James. He doesn't look Sirius in the eye for the entire meal, too afraid he will give something away if he does. However, around halfway through lunch, Sirius' leg somehow ends up on Remus' part of the bench, their thighs are pressing together. Neither of them shift away, but Remus' focus is stolen for the rest of lunch.
He and James have Care of Magical Creatures that afternoon. Remus is thinking about dropping the subject after his O.W.Ls are over. He had taken it because he thought they would learn things about the creatures in the magical world that you can't simply learn from reading a textbook. However, for most of the year, they have been learning about boring things like Flobberworms. He doesn't think he could handle doing that for the next two years, not if he would like to keep his sanity intact.
Professor Grubbly-Plank has them searching for Horklumps, which they all know is an impossible task, as he has been instructing the class to find one for days now with no success. Remus doubts they even exist in the Forbidden Forest, or if they do then they likely won't appear until miles after the treeline.
As he and James begin their fruitless search for the elusive creatures, Remus starts thinking about last night again. Even though he has been trying his best not to think about it all day, it won't stop replaying in his head. Sirius hasn't mentioned it to him today, though the only times they have seen each other all day has been when they were surrounded by other people, so that could be why.
"Remus?"
Remus turns to look up at James, who is watching him curiously. "Yeah?"
"What's on your mind? You've been spacey all day," James says, evidently giving up his search for the Horklumps and giving his full focus to Remus instead.
"Nothing," Remus shakes his head.
"Remus," James presses, giving him a look that reminds him a bit of his mam. The look she gives him when she knows he's done something wrong, that he's in trouble.
Remus sends a quick look around, but the rest of the students are scattered about between the trees, none of them are near enough to be listening in. He gestures for James to move closer, which he does.
"I think I almost kissed Sirius last night," he whispers.
"What?" James says loudly. Remus shushes him, and James has the decency to look apologetic. "Sorry, but what?" He repeats, quieter.
"We were in the bathroom," Remus starts. He tells James all about how he apologised to Sirius for the last two months of silence, and how Sirius forgave him instantly. He tells him about how Sirius practically cornered him against the sink, and how, when Remus started to lean in, Sirius did too. Then, how Peter interrupted them and Sirius jumped away like he had been hit with scolding water. James' jaw is basically on the floor the whole time.
"What are you going to do about it?" He asks.
"Nothing," Remus frowns.
"What do you mean 'nothing'? Remus!" James lowers his voice to a whisper again. "You've liked him for almost a year, and he clearly feels something, too. You have to do something."
"He just got out of a fourteen-month-long relationship, James," Remus whispers sharply. "Not that he does, but even if he did... share my feelings, I wouldn't do anything about it because that wouldn't be fair. Not to him, or to Jess. I don't want to be his rebound."
James looks disappointed, but drops the matter, agreeing with Remus in the end. Sometimes he wishes he could think a little bit less with his head, like most other guys do, but unfortunately, he is not so blessed.
Next period, he has Arithmancy with Lily. They do theory work, so Remus takes the time to have a nap. Lily, surprisingly, doesn't scold him for it, likely understanding that he must need it.
His final lesson of the day is Potions, where he has to sit beside Sirius. It's the first time they are somewhat alone all day, and Remus is worried that Sirius is going to say something about the night before. However, he doesn't. Instead, when he turns to Remus, there's a keen glint in his eye, and he starts talking about the record his parents got him for Christmas, telling Remus that he's been waiting to listen to it until he got back to Hogwarts so they could listen to it together. Remus doesn't know what to say to that - it means that Sirius was thinking that way even when Remus wasn't talking to him.
"Which record is it?"
"Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd," Sirius waggles his eyebrows, making Remus laugh. "I am dying to listen to it, so can we do it tonight?"
"I've got rounds tonight," Remus grimaces apologetically, feeling bad when Sirius' shoulders sag with disappointment. "But I've got some time after class," he suggests.
Sirius perks up. "Yeah?"
"Of course," Remus smiles softly at the boy. Sirius starts to wiggle slightly in his seat, something he's started doing ever since he became Padfoot. Remus chuckles to himself.
A couple of hours later, Remus and Sirius are both lying on his bed, shoulder-to-shoulder, the record player sat by their feet as Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here whirs through the room. They have listened to it twice and are now on their third replay. There is a silencing charm around his bed because he knows Peter will get annoyed by the same five songs playing on repeat after so long, even though Remus and Sirius could lie there and listen to them for hours without getting irritated.
As he listens, Remus can't help but think about how the songs remind him of Sirius. Shine On You Crazy Diamond makes him think back to when Sirius first found out he was adopted, and how he had always had a sad, pensive look in his eyes during those early days of knowing. Remus was the only one who Sirius allowed to see him like that, he still doesn't know why that is.
The song Wish You Were Here makes Remus think about his own feelings towards Sirius. "Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl" - yeah, that sounds about right.
The second part of Shine On You Crazy Diamond (or, more accurately, parts 6-9) reminds Remus so much of Sirius that, for a moment, he believes the lyrics must have been written especially about him. Come on, you boy child, you winner and loser.
He chuckles to himself as the lyrics bounce around in his head.
"What?" Sirius asks, watching him curiously.
"They are totally singing about you. You're such a boy child," Remus lets out a loud guffaw when Sirius makes an offended noise.
"Mister Moony, you are so rude," he tuts, sitting up now and staring down at Remus with a warm smile. Quietly, Sirius speaks again. "I'm glad we're speaking again. I really missed you."
Remus thinks the world could literally blow up right now and he wouldn't notice, too busy being entranced by Sirius' silver eyes. Remus sits up, too, until their faces are at the same level.
"I missed you, too," he whispers, wishing with everything in him that he could close the gap between them, but knowing he can't. He clears his throat. "I want you to come to the next moon, but only if we stay in the shack."
Sirius' eyes light up and a grin immediately tugs at his lips. "Really?"
Remus just nods. Sirius jumps at him, wrapping his arms tightly around Remus' shoulders. He brings his own arms around Sirius' waist and sighs in relief at the familiarity that comes with the other boy. When Sirius pulls away from him, he presses a quick kiss to Remus' cheek and then almost blinds him with his smile. Remus struggles not to release the strangled sound that is stuck in his throat. Instead, he smiles bashfully back at Sirius before lifting the silencing charm around the bed and going to tell the others that he has decided they can join him again for the next moon.
***
Wednesday - 7th January, 1976
James
It's been an interesting couple of days back. James hadn't expected the break up between Jess and Sirius. Well, not yet anyway. He would never be so horrible as to have been waiting around for it to happen, but he's always had a feeling, ever since Remus admitted his feelings for Sirius, that it was only a matter of time. He's been watching Sirius all week, trying to scout out whether he's in dire need of being cheered up after the break up, or if he's getting on alright. He seems fine, from what James can see.
Sirius and Remus have started talking again. James first noticed it in their Potions lesson on Monday and had been elated by the fact. It appears that the two boys have finally made up - thank Merlin. James had been getting worried for a minute there that they might never be the same as they once were. He isn't sure he would be able to handle it again if his friends avoided each other for two months, or longer. He hates it when the people he loves are fighting.
Remus announced to them a couple of days ago that he wanted them to join them in the shack during the next full moon. He had been very specific about them not allowing him to leave the shack, and they easily agreed, knowing it must have been very difficult for Remus to accept them all back so soon after what happened in November. James imagines Remus' decision has something to do with the poor state he was left in last month after he spent the moon alone.
James had been brief with his explanation of Remus' injuries when Sirius asked about them, saying that Remus was just a bit scratched up.
That was an understatement and a half.
Remus now has three new, long scars that wrap around the inside of his left thigh, something James only knows because he walked into the infirmary whilst Pomfrey was examining it to see if the potions she had fed Remus had successfully healed the wounds. He knows Remus doesn't like it when his friends see his scars, especially the newer ones, which are always slightly raised and surrounded by a furious red, but James would never judge him for them. He's always seen Remus' scars as a reflection of his bravery and his determination to keep carrying on, even through all of his hardships.
James has a relatively good day today. He had Care of Magical Creatures earlier with Remus, which they put little to no effort into because their professor has had them performing the same useless task for the last few lessons now. Then, he had a free period, which extended into break. He spent that in the common room with Pete and Mary - they were talking about the new notice that had been pinned on the placard outside the Great Hall earlier that morning, an announcement that told them all fifth year students would be obligated to attend a career meeting with their head of house in February.
James isn't too worried about it, he already thinks he knows what he wants to be. He has really been enjoying his Healer's Course over the last few months, and has learnt enough about injuries and other ailments to both amaze and traumatise him for the rest of his life. It's strange because he hadn't once thought about what he would want to be in the future, not until Remus mentioned once that he thought James would suit being a healer. Since then, he hasn't been able to get the idea out of his head. It's sort of perfect really, he does love the idea of being able to help people, save a few if he's skilled enough.
Madam Pomfrey has mentioned to him at the end of a few of their lessons that she recognises potential in him that she rarely sees nowadays. He has also noticed her keeping a couple of other students back, one of which is Josephine Bletchley. James has spoken to her a lot over the last few months, and he can't believe they had never talked before this year, considering they have been sharing classes for years. She confided in him not too long before the Christmas holidays, telling him that her brother has been working on a new potion over the last year or so. James hadn't been sure why she was telling him at first, especially when it was obvious that she wanted him to keep the information to himself, like it was some desperate secret. But then, she had explained what the potion was meant to do.
It was something meant to help werewolves keep their minds during the full moons, something that would make it less likely for them to pose a threat to wizarding society, in the eyes of the Ministry anyway. James hadn't been certain of it at the time, but he thought Josephine might have given him a meaningful look when she told him, like perhaps she knew exactly what the news meant to him - or, more specifically, to Remus.
After being sworn to secrecy not to tell anyone, as her brother Damocles hadn't actually perfected the potion yet, he decided he wouldn't tell Remus. He didn't want to break Josephine's trust, but he also didn't want to get Remus' hopes up if the potion didn't end up being successful.
Still, he would keep his eye out for a mention of it in the newspaper, and hoped that Josephine would update him on the matter. He had wondered briefly how she could have figured out about Remus, if she did actually know, but he ultimately decided that it wasn't worth asking about. If she didn't know, then he would be betraying Remus' trust by mentioning it to someone else. If she did know, then it didn't matter because, as far as James was aware, she hadn't told anyone.
That was almost a month ago now, and James hasn't stopped thinking about it since. His mind wanders back to it whilst he's on his way to his double Potions class. He loves Wednesdays when he has double Potions, because it means he gets to spend two hours with Regulus. Sure, he can't touch him as much as he would like, given the fact they are in a crowded classroom and Remus and Sirius sit only a couple of feet in front of them, but that doesn't mean he can't touch Regulus at all.
Whenever James so much as smiles at him in class, Regulus cuts him a cold glare, something James assumes is supposed to deter him, but only makes him grow more fond.
During today's lesson, James notices Regulus' attention is focused elsewhere for the majority of the first hour. At first, he's a bit jealous about it. Whatever has claimed Regulus' attention has made it so that Regulus isn't looking at him instead, which just isn't okay. However, he notices Regulus' shoe bouncing beneath the table anxiously around halfway through the double period, something that reminds him of those first two years spent at Hogwarts when Regulus used to kick James for fidgeting. Sometimes, weirdly, he sort of misses it.
James rests his hand on the table next to where Regulus' is splayed out beside his parchment, and knocks their pinkies together, a subtle touch he is certain no one else will notice. Regulus snaps out of whatever trance he had been in, his leg stilling immediately, and slowly turns to look at James, a questioning quirk to his eyebrow.
"What's wrong?" James whispers.
"Hm?" Regulus frowns.
James' eyes jump across the classroom, landing on where Barty is sitting ramrod straight in his seat beside Alecto Carrow, like he's afraid that if he slumps even slightly, his spine will give in. Regulus has been watching the boy all lesson with that anxious little expression of his.
When his eyes land on Regulus again, he gently asks, "Is Barty okay?"
The tension in Regulus' shoulders seems to expand as he leans forward, resting his head in his hands. When he looks at James again, his expression is strained, something like worry filling his eyes.
"He didn't have a very good Christmas," Regulus whispers, voice sounding more like a rasp than anything.
"What do you mean?" James asks. Then, realising that might have been too intrusive, he adds, "You don't have to answer that."
"I can't really talk about it, but..." Regulus' gaze moves over to Barty again briefly before falling back on James. He sighs. "I'm worried about him."
"Why?"
"His father isn't... I mean... Let's just say, he has a lot in common with my mother," Regulus says, raising an eyebrow. James feels as his heart drops into his stomach, dread feels like it's entangling itself around his bones. Sure, he and Barty haven't spoken very much this year, and the last time they did it was when Barty was yelling at him to fuck off, but James still cares about him. He still considers Barty his friend, even if Barty wouldn't consider him his. The idea that Barty could be going through what James knows Regulus goes through when he is at home makes him feel sick to his stomach.
"Is he- I mean, is it really..." James isn't sure how to articulate all of his thoughts, so it comes out in a sort of jumbled mess. Regulus appears to understand what he is trying to say, and something pained crosses his face.
"His father might just be worse than my mother," Regulus says quietly. "I don't know what to do about it, but it's been... I just wish I could help him get out of there."
"He's sixteen, right?" James asks.
"Yeah, his birthday was a couple of weeks ago."
"When he is of age, he might be able to get out. Although, that's still a year..." James bites down on his bottom lip, trying to work around the problem. "Couldn't he report his father?"
"No," Regulus shakes his head, "he's too high ranked in the Ministry. I don't think there is much they would do. They would just view Barty as a whiny Pureblood teenager who is trying to get more attention."
James sighs, not sure what to say. Regulus watches him and his expression softens into something fond. He drops his hand beneath the table and wraps it around the one James has resting on his thigh. He squeezes their hands together and gives him a small smile.
"It isn't something you need to worry about, James. You're right, Barty will be of age in less than a year, and it will be easier for him to get out. I only told you because it's been on my mind for a while, but that's no excuse. I don't want you to worry," Regulus tells him, his voice hushed so that no one else in the room can hear him. Except for maybe Remus...
James' head snaps up and he glances at the table in front of him, where Remus and Sirius are copying down notes. Every now and then, they catch each other's eyes and smile at each other. James doesn't think Remus heard anything, so he drops that worry instantly.
"I want you to tell me the things that worry you, Reg," James admits, watching as a confused expression overtakes Regulus' features. "I don't want you to have to shoulder them on your own. If you tell me, then it might be easier to hold."
"But that sounds like it would be terrible for you," Regulus says, sounding completely bewildered.
James breathes out a low chuckle. "I don't mind, I actually prefer it. It's better than having to watch you worry yourself to death in silence."
Regulus huffs and pulls his hand away.
"What?" James tilts his head.
"You're so considerate," Regulus spits the word like it's something terrible. James can't help the quiet laugh that tumbles out of him. Regulus watches him out of the side of his eye. "I hate you."
"Mhm, sure you do," James grins, finally turning back to his work.
After lunch, James has Divination with Sirius and Pete. He actually quite likes Divination, the idea of prophecies and predictions of the future sound cool to him, not that he has ever accurately predicted anything during a class yet. They are learning about oracular readings today, which means they are working with eggs. James is a little bit worried that he is going to leave the classroom covered in egg yolk. Sirius has been in a silly mood all week, so James doesn't doubt that his hyperactivity will follow him into their lesson.
Thankfully, Sirius doesn't do anything untoward with the eggs, and nor does Peter. Although, they do briefly joke about cracking one on Shania Murton's head. Violetta, who is working with Mary and Azalia a table away, must hear them because she snickers, before giving Sirius a warm smile.
They separate their egg whites into a bowl and dispose of the shell and yolk in a plastic bag their teacher supplies for them. She instructs them to then slowly pour their egg whites into their bowls of hot water, not warm enough to cook the egg, just enough heat for it to keep the form it shapes into once it's hit the water. When he checks what he has to do next in his Divination textbook, James finds out he is supposed to be looking at the shape of the egg in the water, from that he should find an image.
He stares down at his strange concoction and tilts his head to the side, squinting his eyes ever so slightly behind his glasses. At first, all he can see is slime dancing around in a bowl of water, but when he really focuses, he notices an image- or not an image, a number floating in the middle of the water. It looks like the number six, though he supposes, if he turned the cup around, it could be a nine.
"Guys, what do numbers mean again?" James asks the other two boys.
"I dunno, but I think there's a chapter on it in the textbook," Peter tells him, flipping to the contents page. James searches for the chapter concerning numbers in Divination practices and searches it until he finds what on earth his reading could mean. He decides to choose the number six, rather than nine, as that is what he originally saw.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." -Mark Twain
The number 6 delivers us from turbulent waters and puts us in touch with the virtues needed to live a well intentioned and aligned life. The number 6 carries with it an energy of service. It represents the nature of giving, our love for ourselves and others, and our innate desire for harmony in all facets of our life. Matters of home and relationships factor into the number 6. It is a conscientious energy that sees the beauty all around it. In this way, the number 6 is a bit like the gardener of the bunch. It uses the resources available, including love and care, to grow something meaningful and pleasing to the senses. It can sniff out when its efforts are helping or hurting and seeks to adjust itself to bring things back into balance.
Associations: A 6 Pointed Star, A Hexagon, Tipharet, The Sun
Keywords: Love, Service, Responsibility, Conscientiousness, Home, Beauty, Harmony, Symmetry, Equity
Tarot Cards: The Lovers, 6 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, 6 of Wands, 6 of Cups
His mind focuses on the words 'The Sun ' and his eyes flick across the room to where Regulus is sitting. The other boy is staring down at his bowl with a frustrated expression, which makes James' own confused expression soften. He still isn't quite sure what his reading is referring to, but, for some reason, he feels like it might be connected to Regulus. After all, Regulus is the only person who has ever called James 'The Sun ', so that feels like some sort of clue. That, and the textbook mentioned love.
Just to be certain, James does some further research on the other associations and tarot cards mentioned. The only one that really sticks with him, for reasons he cannot explain, but just feels like it is sticking to his brain, is 'The Lovers '.
The Lovers represent relationships and choices. Often an aspect of the querent's life will have to be sacrificed. Whatever the choice, it should not be made lightly, as the ramifications will be lasting.
He doesn't get a chance to properly think about what that could mean before their professor is announcing the end of the lesson. However, much to James' excitement, she tells them they will be moving onto tarot cards in a couple of lessons. James wonders if the lovers will come up again for him, or if he's just following some blind instinct that will inevitably lead to nothing.
That evening, when he and Regulus go to the Room of Requirement, Regulus summons the room with the couch and the bookshelves and the fireplace, where Reverie hangs proudly above it. They have been back here a few times since the first time, and James won't be caught complaining about it. He loves this room. It's comfortable in a homely sort of way, something only for him and Regulus.
They had Astronomy together an hour or so ago, and the two of them decided to linger rather than waiting to meet up. Luckily, Sirius isn't in their Astronomy class, but Remus and Lily are. When they noticed James waiting around, rather than standing with the rest of the class and the professor, who was the first to leave, they both gave him knowing looks and then left him there without further questioning. James wonders what Remus told the other boys, or maybe they were already asleep when he got back to the dormitory.
Sometimes, it feels like Remus and Lily might know that Regulus is more than a friend to James, just by the way they smirk at him whenever he brings him up in conversation. But they couldn't know, James didn't even realise he liked Regulus until months, maybe even years, after the fact. He still doesn't understand how he could have been so oblivious to his own feelings. How he could have been so blind to what was right in front of him.
He glances down at Regulus now, where his head is resting in James' lap. James is sitting on the couch, a book in his hand which he has been reading aloud for the last twenty or so minutes. Regulus is lying down, head comfortable on James' thigh, eyes shut like he's letting James' voice lull him to sleep.
"Stop staring," Regulus mumbles, eyes still firmly shut.
James lets out a small laugh. "How could you tell?"
Regulus blinks his eyes open and directs them right at James, his eyebrow raising sardonically. "You stopped reading. What else would distract you so?" The end of his sentence tapers off as he yawns, lifting his hand to cover it. He blinks blearily up at James, looking completely and utterly exhausted. James wishes there was a bed in the room, simply so he could tuck Regulus away and watch as he slowly drifts off to sleep. He thinks Regulus would probably be a very pretty sleeper, and then he wonders if that's perhaps a creepy thought to have.
James reaches a hand down to tenderly cup Regulus' cheek, swiping his thumb along his cheekbone. There's a slight bit of stubble beneath his fingertips now, something he isn't used to feeling on Regulus' face. He likes the way it tickles the pads of his fingers.
"Sorry, but you're distracting," James whispers, finding himself absorbed in Regulus' beauty. He reminds James a bit of the statues in the museum, the way his jaw cuts sharply like it was carved to look like that. His lips are the perfect mix of pouty and curt, like they were made to alternate between the cold sneers he throws at Sirius and the way he softens as soon as James has his hands on him. Perfect and pliant beneath his touch. Sometimes, being able to touch Regulus overwhelms James, especially when he remembers how much the other boy detests touch, but not when it's James.
It's always okay when it's you, Regulus told him once. James still asks most of the time, especially when he thinks Regulus has had a particularly overstimulating day, but he is rarely rejected. Regulus is always ready to allow him in, and James treats it like a miracle each and every time.
"I know," Regulus smirks.
"Alright, Mister Vanity."
"Well, you've hardly been able to take your eyes off me in years. That tends to boost one's ego," Regulus says pompously.
James grins and places the forgotten book on the arm of the couch. He leans down and kisses Regulus, it's an odd angle, but he doesn't care. When he pulls away, he doesn't go far, resting his forehead against Regulus', looking him right in the eye.
"You make me sound like a stalker," James whispers.
"You might as well be one. You have always been able to find me, and I've never understood it. I mean... don't you remember back on the first night at the tower? You came careening in like you had a quintaped chasing you all because I was on my own. How did you even know I was there?"
Stupidly, James only now realises that Regulus has never actually asked him about that before. How James knew he was in the Astronomy Tower without actually seeing him there. It's because he saw him on the map, but Regulus doesn't know about the map.
"I have my ways," James replies mysteriously.
Regulus groans. "No, tell me. I thought I knew all of your secrets. Do have a tracking spell on me or something?"
"No, then I would be a stalker," James says, leaning back slightly. He sighs and mentally argues over the pros and cons of showing Regulus the map. He trusts him with everything else, surely he can trust him with this, too.
"Tell me, baby," Regulus whispers, reaching out to remove James' hand from his face so that he can sit up until they are at face level. Regulus is kneeling beside where he's sitting, he hasn't dropped James' hand yet. "I won't tell anyone if you actually are a stalker." Something flashes in Regulus' eyes, making the grey in them stand out more than the blue for once. James realises, abruptly, that Regulus looks intrigued...
"You like it," James gasps, laughing when Regulus blushes. He takes Regulus' face between his hands and pulls him closer. "Do you like it when I watch you?"
Regulus scoffs, but he noticeably doesn't answer James' question.
"I have a map," James says, deciding that Regulus can have this secret of his, too. He's already got all of the others.
"A map?" Regulus' eyebrow twitches in that way it does when his interest has been piqued.
"My friends and I made it," James explains, pulling one hand away from Regulus' face, the other one runs down the side of his neck until it lands on his shoulder. James reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the map. He holds it out to Regulus, who gives James a curious look before reaching out to take the empty parchment.
"This is empty," Regulus notes blandly.
"See if you can get into it," James smiles, feeling excited.
Regulus grabs his wand and points it at the map. "Show me the map." They both watch as, instead of the map, a few messages from the Marauders start to seep through. It was one of their more brilliant ideas, James thinks.
"What does it say?"
A small line appears between Regulus' eyebrows as he reads. "Mister Moony would like to express his confusion behind how Regulus Black came across this piece of parchment, though he has to admit that he is not surprised. He wonders if it has anything to do with Regulus' smarts or Mister Prongs' lack of a spine."
"Oi," James says, as if Remus is in the room with him. "Does it actually say that?"
"Yes. I assume you're Prongs then," Regulus raises his eyebrows in an almost judgemental fashion.
James huffs. "Yeah, what did everyone else say?"
"Mister Wormtail has no idea how this came to be in the possession of one Regulus Black, though he advises he return it to his Prefect buddy Mister Remus Lupin as soon as possible, lest he be hunted down by Mister Padfoot." Regulus rolls his eyes at that. "Tonks is Padfoot then, and I'm assuming Wormtail is Pettigrew. Where on earth did you come up with these names?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," James grins. Shit, so maybe there is one more secret that Regulus doesn't know...
Regulus sighs. "Alright, next then. Mister Padfoot - oh, fun - Mister Padfoot would just like to point out that Regulus Black once accused him and his friends of being thieves, even though they are not. He thinks Black is the real thief here, and would like to demand he give them their parchment back, or he will hunt him down."
James shakes his head. "Sorry."
"No, it's fine," Regulus smiles. "It would have been stranger if he was being nice, even if it was just through his magic."
"I suppose," James agrees. "What have I said then?"
"Mister Prongs feels the need to let Regulus know that he will not allow Mister Padfoot to hunt him down, nor do anything else to him. He would also like to tell Mister Moony to kindly fuck off. Now, how is Regulus Black feeling on this fine evening? He hopes he is feeling well, but if he isn't then Mister Prongs will gladly fix that." Regulus lowers the map and gives James a daring look. "Is that so?"
"Mhm, yes it is," James nods.
"And how do you plan on doing that?"
James doesn't waste a second. He wraps his hands around Regulus' calves and pulls him closer, before leaning over him until Regulus' back hits the seat of the couch. One of James' hands slips up the outside of Regulus' leg until it lands on his hip, pinning him there. The other makes it's way into Regulus' hair, his fingers battling against the other boy's curls.
James usually tries to be soft with Regulus, but sometimes they will end up in positions like this, and there will be a look in Regulus' eyes that tells James he likes it, and James loses control. He doesn't mean to, but it's difficult when Regulus is beneath him like this, staring up at him like he would let James crawl inside his chest, were he to ask.
Regulus makes a small grumbling noise and James only then realises that he's just been looking at him. He blinks and then smiles, pressing a swift peck to his lips. Regulus' eyes flutter closed as James starts kissing down the line of his jaw, he nuzzles briefly at where Regulus' hair has grown out, now reaching below his ears. He kisses over the moles on Regulus' neck and then presses a warm, wet kiss onto his collarbone.
Regulus, whose hands have made their way into James' hair, makes a low rumbling noise in his throat. His legs wrap their way around James' hips, his heels digging slightly into James' pelvis. He feels a familiar friction play, something that he's experienced a few times with Regulus recently, but neither of them ever talk about it or let it get any further than this. He thinks Regulus must have felt it, too, because before he knows it, Regulus is dragging his face back up and connecting their lips in a brutal kiss. James goes willingly and allows Regulus to take charge. He doesn't think he will ever get tired of kissing Regulus Black; all of his favourite memories are exactly this.
Monday - 12th January, 1976
Monday goes relatively slowly, which is to be expected as it's the first day of the week. James has Divination first thing, and they start moving onto tarot cards. Their professor says they will be focusing on them for the next few weeks, as it is one of the most important Divination topics.
He then has Defence, which he enjoys much more than he did last year. Oliver, their professor, has a care-free nature about him that Professor Pritchett never had. He sort of reminds James of Remus, the way he speaks in that calming tone of his, and the stack of bookmarked Muggle books he always has living on his desk. James always looks forward to those lessons, especially because he sits next to Evan Rosier, one of Regulus' friends.
At first, he had been nervous about the pairing, afraid Evan might not like him due to all of the pranks they have played on each other over the years. However, he had been pleasantly surprised when Evan first spoke to him like James was one of his friends. It makes sense that he would be so nice, as Pandora is one of the sweetest people James knows. Sometimes, however, he gets the impression that Evan is silently laughing at him, like he knows something about James that no one else can see. It's worrying, to say the least.
The rest of the day is quite boring, that is until he gets to Potions.
The lesson goes well, James and Regulus manage to successfully brew their potion. It's one they have worked on together before in Potions club, so it isn't very difficult for them to do again. However, when the lesson comes to an end, James lingers back with Sirius and Remus, because it's only a few days before the moon, so Remus has been moving a bit slower than usual over the last couple of days.
James had thought that they were the last ones in the classroom, even Slughorn having left for the day. However, much to his annoyance, he turns to find Snape making his way over to them, Lily long gone from the classroom. Snape looks triumphant, his lips curling into a satisfied sneer that has James throwing his guard up.
He normally tries not to get into it with Snape, tries to control himself where Sirius and Peter don't, but recently the boy has been niggling his way under James' skin. It's because he keeps purposefully picking on Remus, who never retaliates, probably because he always agrees with whatever Snape is saying. James hates that. Remus already has enough self-deprecating thoughts without Snape adding fuel to that fire.
When Sirius realises they aren't alone, he pulls his wand out, but he doesn't point it at the Slytherin boy. Instead, he glares at him before asking him what it is he wants. James imagines the only reason Sirius is showing this much restraint is because he and Remus have only just started talking again, and he probably doesn't want to ruin that progress by doing something as stupid as allowing himself to get riled up by Snape.
"Lupin is looking rather ill again," Snape presses, as if they don't already have a hunch that he knows Remus is a werewolf. Does he think he's being subtle? "He shouldn't be fraternising with his peers when he's as clammy as that. One of us might catch something, or worse, be caught. He's a hazard."
James doesn't know why Snape thought it would be a good idea to come over here and start insulting Remus in front of two of his friends. He's outnumbered, and he sounds like an idiot. Surely, he can't have thought James or Sirius would agree with him, so this must just be him acting cruelly for no apparent reason. Maybe to get a reaction out of Sirius, who has been treading carefully where Snape is mentioned recently. James thinks it has something to do with both wanting to keep peace with Remus, and wanting to remain in Lily's good books.
Whatever Snape's intentions were, it doesn't matter, because in the blink of an eye, Sirius is lifting his wand. James, though he recoils at the thought of hurting others, almost withdraws his own wand. Snape's words swirl around in his mind like some sort of poisonous storm. It's how the rest of the Wizarding World will one day view Remus, whenever his name is put on the registry, as is the law, and James hates that. He hates that his best friend will one day be shunned from society because of something against his will, because he got attacked as a child and now has to live with this painful thing. And the world will blame no one but Remus for it.
It just isn't fair.
James knows Snape's words are an amalgamation of his thoughts on lycanthropy and his hatred for the Gryffindor boys. It's what makes James' anger flare up like a raging fire. He doesn't like to think about how angry he can get, but sometimes he can't help it, sometimes it just bursts out of him. Usually, it's aimed at Walburga Black, but right now... right now, it's aimed at the horrid, surly boy in front of him.
Snape's got a shield up between himself and Sirius, who keeps shooting spells at him, looking seconds away from throwing up his fists. Remus is watching on with anxious trepidation, like he doesn't quite know what to do next. James briefly wonders if he is waiting for him to step up, to put a stop to this, because James normally would. However, today he doesn't do that. Instead, he lifts his wand and points it at Snape.
It is then that Remus finally decides to step in the middle of everything that is going on. He jumps in front of James' wand, and James has to stop himself from shouting out the first hex that comes to his mind. Remus is watching him with a concerned expression, and it's only then that James realises his friends have never seen this side of him before. The secret part of him that he usually keeps hidden from view, the part that is always angry, just waiting to be provoked enough that it bursts free from him. He's only shown that part of himself to Regulus before.
"Everyone, put your wands down. That's an order," Remus commands, his voice lowering several octaves as he speaks. Sirius acts as if it's a siren call, dropping his wand instantly. Snape just scoffs and tucks his wand away, glaring at the side of Remus' face.
"James," Remus says, pointedly glancing at James' wand where it is still raised in the air. Shaking his head, James drops it into his pocket and refuses to meet anyone's eyes. Remus looks at him for a moment longer before turning back to the other two boys. "Snape, get lost or I'll give you a detention cleaning Filch's office this weekend. Sirius... no more fighting."
"I would take the detention if it meant finally getting to see him fall on his arse," Sirius hisses, glaring sharply at Snape.
Remus crosses his arms over his chest. "Don't push me. Snape, leave." They watch as Snape picks up his bag from where it must have fallen to the floor, before he marches to the exit. Remus looks back at Sirius. "Proud of yourself?"
"Sorry, but he was being horribly rude," Sirius shrugs, smiling slightly as he stares up at Remus. "Besides, I meant what I said, you can give me all the detentions you'd like."
"I'm not going to give you a detention, Padfoot," Remus sighs, sounding exhausted. He sends a brief look James' way, and James just nods to let him know he's alright, because he is. His anger has tampered down now, almost completely cooled beneath his skin.
"Let's go, Slughorn will probably be back soon," James says, placing his bag over his shoulder. It's a silent walk back to the common room.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Remus knows Sirius is a single pringle again 😏
- I am fully just teasing you guys with wolfstar at this point, it's really fun. Hey, at least they're talking again.
- Regulus finally knows about the map!
- Poor Barty - there will be more on him in the next chapter.
- I love angry James <3See you next week! I'm soooooo excited for next chapter :)
Chapter 65: Fifth Year: Damaged Goods and Brotherly Bonds
Summary:
I told you guys there would be a change in the dynamic between Sirius and Regulus this year. Here it is! (It's definitely not going to be what any of you were expecting.)
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-dark thoughts
-brief mentions of child abuse (Imperius curse)
-underage smoking (I'm no longer going to use this warning because it happens in nearly every chapter)
-vomiting
-underage drinking
-panic attack
-very very brief mention of bloodLet me know if I missed anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
But I was not a heavenly child
A savage with a temperament wild
Even here as we are standing now
I can see the fear in your eyes
~ Marika Hackman
Monday - 12th January, 1976
Regulus
Regulus always has so much on his mind nowadays; the thought of the nasty mark marring Bellatrix's arm, a reflection of his own future; Lucius' apparent loyalty to the Dark Lord and his role in all of the attacks that have been turning Regulus' stomach for years now; everything that is going on with the war, and how close it is getting to wrapping it's gnarled and rotted hands around his throat.
The only time his mind settles, the only time he has some reprieve from all that is happening around him, is when he's with James. It's like he has some magic ability to soothe and repel all of Regulus' bad thoughts. He does it with a reverence that Regulus has only come across once before - in Pandora - cradling Regulus' face like he's worried if he holds him too tight, he might shatter him with his powerful hands. Treating him with a gentleness he isn't sure he deserves, although maybe he thinks that way because he is so used to being treated violently, like something that has the capability to be stretched beyond proportion without becoming too damaged, only leaving it to be hurt more and more. Maybe he's just spoilt and wrong inside. Maybe it's his mother's fault, or maybe it's his.
Sometimes Regulus is reminded that, like him, James isn't some delicate being that has been undamaged by the world. Like Regulus, he was faced with unimaginable horrors from a young age. Sure, he's been handled more tenderly by those around him, he hasn't been rejected by those who should do nothing but accept him, but that doesn't mean he's gone untouched by the bad in the world. Sometimes, Regulus finds it difficult to swallow that truth. He doesn't want the evil of the world to go anywhere near James, but there's nothing he can do to stop it. He has only ever known this version of James, he never got to know him before, back when he was a carefree, joyous boy, unafraid of the dark.
It affects them differently, which makes sense, because they have been handled in opposing ways. Regulus acts unaffected, he pretends things can't touch him, when really they burrow inside him and fester away before he realises he has let himself be polluted. He puts up a face, wears a mask that reflects nothing of the scared boy cowering inside of him. But he isn't delicate either. He may be afraid of a lot of things, but that has only birthed a stubborn determination to repel anything his mind deems an attack; whether that be someone touching him when he doesn't want to be touched, or whether that be the teasing words he receives from Tonks, he reacts all the same.
James, on the other hand, knows what it's like to be hurt beyond repair and then coddled afterwards. He knows what it's like to have people find his broken pieces, pick them up, and attempt to put them back together. Where Regulus would hide his broken pieces, James' are on full display, and Regulus knows that he hates that. He imagines it must get frustrating having people try to fix something that cannot be put back together. People who care and are genuinely trying to help, but just can't. Some things can't be helped; some things will remain destructive and all you can do is continue to live with it.
The way James reacts is different to how Regulus reacts because he holds everything in. There's a burning anger inside of James, a fire that cannot be put out because it's been consistently fuelled for years and years. James doesn't usually let that side of him out, he allows the flames to rise higher and higher, but only internally. On the outside, he looks frightened, he looks like he's trying to hide from the external threats around him, but really he's hiding from himself. He is more afraid of himself than he is anything else.
Sometimes, James' anger seeps out of him, but only in small doses. Regulus still remembers the first night back after third year when James had stormed out of the Astronomy Tower, possessed by his all-consuming rage for Regulus' mother, all because she dared to lay a hand on him. Regulus worries for the day when James loses his grip on the rage inside of him, not because he's scared - he could never be scared of James - but because he knows that the aftereffects will haunt James for the rest of his life.
Regulus doesn't want James to fear himself. He says this a lot, but James has always been his own worst enemy. Regulus is anxious for the day when James finally goes too far for himself, when he inevitably destroys himself. All he can hope is that he is there when it happens; not so he can pick up the pieces and try to put them back together, he knows that doesn't work, but so that he can fill the hole inside of James where his shattered remains are, because James could never do it himself. He would be consumed by his own dark thoughts and do something irreversible, which is why Regulus knows he is going to have to be there when it happens.
Today was a close one. When they finally made it to Rowena's room, James told him about his confrontation with Snape, and how his friends had looked at him afterwards like he was unrecognisable. Regulus is aware that he is the only person who has witnessed James' rage, he knows a part of James that no one else does. He knows James at his most vulnerable.
After James told him what happened in the Potions classroom, Regulus chose to distract him, knowing James had to get his mind off of the situation, otherwise he would have let his thoughts spiral into something that would have laid heavy on his shoulders for the next few weeks.
Regulus is in need of a distraction tonight, too. His mind has been on Barty as of late. He came back to Hogwarts with a gaunt look to his face, his cheeks hollowed out and his eyes circled with dark bags. Regulus had waited until they got back to the dormitory after dinner to bring it up, to ask Barty how his Christmas went, since he didn't hear from him throughout the whole break.
Barty was kept under the Imperius Curse for nine days.
Every time Regulus remembers, he feels his stomach recoil and he has to physically stop himself from vomiting. He had briefly spoken to James about it, without giving away too many personal details, only because was been so panicked and he didn't know what to do. James was right, Barty would be of age in a year, he could leave home, but where would he go? Regulus would love to offer up a place in his house, but he doubts his mother wouldn't except the stray of a blood-traitor.
To make it worse, Evan and Barty still haven't made up. They've barely looked at each other since returning to Hogwarts. Regulus has decided that, after thinking it over for the last month, he is going to have to be the one to fix them. Barty can't afford to not be talking to his best friend right now, and Regulus knows that he won't willingly reach out to Evan. So, Regulus is just going to have to talk to Evan instead. That does mean he will have to slightly betray Barty's trust, but if it means simultaneously giving Barty back some much needed support, then Regulus will do it.
Tuesday - 13th January, 1976
He has Herbology first with Dorcas and James. They make for an odd trio, but Regulus won't lie and say that it doesn't work. Where Dorcas is impatient in the subject, James has the patience of a mother of four. Regulus is good at remembering the theoretical information that they need to use during the practicals, and Dorcas is skilled at getting what they need prepared, ready for when James needs to use it.
Regulus likes watching his boyfriend interact with his friends, especially when they actually get along. Dorcas is already fond of James, which came as a surprise to Regulus when he found out. He knows Dorcas is friendly to most people, but he hadn't been under the impression that she and James knew each other particularly well. It makes sense, he supposes, when he acknowledges the fact that Dorcas has been friends with Remus since first year, so she likely knows his friends somewhat well.
After Herbology, he has Ancient Runes. This year, he's working with Evan at one table, whilst Barty and Dorcas are working at the one in front of them. Pandora and Scarlett are across the room, also working together, closer to where Pandora's Ravenclaw friends are.
Regulus takes this as his opportunity to finally talk to Evan about Barty. The tables are quite spaced apart in the Ancient Runes classroom, so Barty won't be able to hear them if he speaks low enough, even though he's sat right in front of them. They're given a task to work through, but Regulus and Evan end up finishing it early.
He turns to face his friend, who gives him a questioning look. "You need to talk to Barty."
Evan rolls his eyes and lets out a slow breath. "He's the one who hasn't been speaking to me. If he wants us to make up, then he-"
"You know Barty. He's never going to admit he was in the wrong," Regulus interrupts, feeling as a sense of urgency slips into his tone. Evan must notice, because he sits back slightly in his chair and frowns faintly. "Your little fight isn't the main issue here. You're supposed to be his best friend and Barty needs you."
"What do you mean?" Evan asks.
Regulus sends a brief, apologetic look Barty's way, hoping he will forgive him for this. Then, leaning in closer to Evan, so that he goes unheard by everyone else in the room, Regulus whispers, "His father used the Imperius Curse on him again, and he isn't doing very well. He needs all the support he can get right now."
"He what ?" Evan lets out a noise that sounds like he just got punched in the gut. He looks over at Barty, who is staring straight ahead. Regulus has a feeling he isn't actually paying attention to anything going on in the lesson, his brain is probably still recovering from being under an unforgivable for so long.
"Please, just talk to him. He needs his friends," Regulus whispers, turning back to his work.
Barty disappears at break time, and it's times like these when Regulus wishes he had James' stalker map. If he did, then he would be able to locate Barty in a matter of seconds. He wonders if that is how James found Evan a few months ago when Regulus mentioned he was searching for him.
Barty doesn't show up for lunch either. Regulus has to physically restrain himself from walking across the hall to the Gryffindor table and asking James if he could borrow the map. He decides that if Barty doesn't show himself by the time they have Quidditch practice later, then he is going to get his hands on that map. He has rounds with Remus later, perhaps he could ask him about it.
Luckily, when he and Evan enter the Arithmancy classroom, they find Barty already sitting at his usual seat. Regulus sits between Barty and Evan in this class, or he normally does. However, just as he is about to take his seat, Evan nudges him and silently asks him to move over. Regulus does, relieved that Evan is actually making a move to make up with Barty again.
He pretends he isn't listening when Evan starts softly talking.
"Why weren't you at lunch?" He asks. It takes a moment for Barty to realise he is the one being spoken to, and an even longer amount of time for him to respond.
"I got distracted," Barty shrugs, the bones of his shoulders protruding out of the fabric of his shirt.
"Well, we missed you," Evan whispers. When Barty looks up at him with a surprised expression, Evan adds, "I miss you."
"But I've been an arsehole to you this year," Barty blinks back.
"Yeah," Evan agrees, nodding slowly. "But so have I. That doesn't matter, we're still friends, and you're... Are you okay?"
For the first time since their conversation started, Barty's eyes jump over to Regulus, who pretends to he's looking down at his work. Barty lets out a low grumbling sound.
"I'm fine," he tuts.
"Okay," Evan says simply. "So, you'll come to Quidditch practice then?"
"Yes," Barty agrees quietly.
"Good," Evan smiles, and that's that. Regulus expected something more climactic - Evan and Barty have been fighting for months, after all - but that was an eerily calm reconciliation. He hopes it lasts this time.
Barty does show up to Quidditch practice that evening. They have a game against Hufflepuff on Saturday. Regulus is feeling confident that they can beat them, his team is a lot better than Hufflepuff's is this year, even with Rabastan in the mix. Regulus is just glad they aren't playing Ravenclaw because he's still pissed at one of the Beaters for almost killing James. He knows that, technically, it wasn't the girl's fault, not really. She didn't do it on purpose. He also doesn't care. If James had ended up being more injured than he was... or worse, Regulus isn't sure what he would have done.
After practice, they have dinner, which is the first meal of the day that Barty actually attends. He sits between Evan and Scarlett on one side of the table. Regulus is surprised to see Scarlett give Barty a soft smile as she passes him a plate of food that she must have had prepared for him. Those two act as if they hate each other, but Regulus secretly thinks they might just be each other's favourites.
He has an hour after dinner to finish the homework Professor Binns set him earlier today, before he has to meet Remus for rounds. They decide to start in the dungeons tonight and make their way up to Gryffindor Tower, it only made sense as then Regulus could wait there for James afterwards.
When eight o'clock hits, he is waiting outside of Gryffindor Tower. He tries to hide his scowl as not only Remus, but Tonks as well, make their way out of the portrait. They're whispering something between themselves, both grinning from ear-to-ear. James mentioned they had stopped ignoring each other.
Remus spots him first, followed shortly by Sirius, who just gives him a once over before returning his gaze to Remus. He watches as Sirius knocks his hand against Remus', his pinkie extending out for a bit longer when he drags his hand away, before marching back towards his common room. Regulus wonders when that started, not that he is going to ask. He's not that interested.
He and Remus are used to this routine by now. They make their way around the seventh, sixth and fifth floors, and when they make it out to the bridge that connects to Ravenclaw Tower, Remus stops for a cigarette break. Regulus, just like he has been doing for the last few months, asks Remus if he can have one. He is surprised that Remus never declines him, never tells him no. He always just passes him one and then asks if Regulus has his lighter. Regulus doesn't know why he likes to use it, maybe it's because it's Muggle-made, and that fascinates him, but he finds it more satisfying than using magic like Remus does.
They stand out their for ten minutes, shivering as sharp winds cut through their warming charms. Regulus feels a slight relief as the nicotine makes it's way into his bloodstream. James has started noticing the smell on him, and, to Regulus' surprise, actually likes it. Regulus thought James would be the sort of person to despise the smell of cigarettes, but apparently he had been wrong in that regard. Or maybe he just likes it when it's on Regulus.
The thought makes him blush.
They don't spend much longer out there. Regulus has learnt over the months that the closer it is to the full moon, the less Remus can tolerate the cold. It makes the joints in his knees pop and gives him a slight limp whenever they spend too much time in the cold, so Regulus soon leads them back into the castle.
Saturday - 17th January, 1976
Regulus doesn't go to breakfast on the morning of their match against Hufflepuff - he knows he should, especially because he's the Captain now and his team will be expecting him. However, he ended up waking up earlier than usual and spent the early hours of the morning down in the kitchens with the house-elves, missing Kreacher as he ate his breakfast there. He had already dressed into his Quidditch kit and wasn't in the mood to sit in the busy hall when all of the students started to enter it. So, instead, he headed out towards the Quidditch pitch, waiting to meet his team there, sending a quick charmed note to Evan to let him know he wasn't missing. He didn't want to cause a panic.
It's been just over half an hour now since Regulus arrived at the pitch. He's been warming up on his broom for a while, hoping the cold morning air would shake him out of the odd mood he's gotten himself into.
When he thinks he's exercised for long enough, he flies down to the ground, landing gracefully on the grass, and starts walking towards the hub under the stands where he should be meeting his team. However, just before he manages to get there, he notices James slipping beneath another part of the stands, his messy hair giving him away even as he attempts subtlety.
Regulus chuckles under his breath and changes course, heading towards where James just slipped off to. He isn't surprised when James' hands wrap around his waist the moment they are hidden from view, pulling Regulus closer towards him. James doesn't always ask if he can touch Regulus, not in so many words, but he always hesitates just before contact as if showing Regulus that if he isn't comfortable with it, he can pull away.
Regulus never does though. Why would he when he would much rather feel James' warm hands press against the fabric of his clothes? Sometimes, he wishes for a bit more, for skin-to-skin touch, but another part of his mind knows he isn't quite ready for... that yet. Not that they have spoken about anything of the sort, though Regulus assumes it is only a matter of time. James is a teenage boy, and so is Regulus, they both have urges. Regulus has just been trying to ignore them so far, and he imagines James has been doing the same thing as he hasn't brought them up yet.
He drops his broom carelessly to the ground as James brings him closer, and wraps his arms around James' shoulders. He feels as James presses a soft kiss to both of his cheeks first, before softly pecking him on the lips. Regulus never really thought about being in a relationship before he was with James. The only time the thought had ever crossed his mind - though briefly - was when he found out he was going to be marrying Scarlett. But even then, it had never felt like a relationship, more like a business deal, like he was being sold off against his will.
Being with James sometimes makes Regulus feel like someone is chucking a bucket of cold water over his head. It's always startling whenever he remembers that James is his, and he is James'. Being with James is nothing like how he ever pictured a relationship to be like. The only examples he has ever had have been his parents, who mostly try to ignore each other and always have for as long as Regulus has been alive. Then, there's Lucius and Narcissa, who, whilst always having maintained a loving relationship, have also remained restricted, just as his parents have.
Regulus always thought relationships, even ones full of love, would be like that. Restrictive, a necessity more than a choice, picturesque.
It isn't like that with James. He never could have predicted the softness that would come along with accepting James as his boyfriend. James is anything but restrictive with how he cares for Regulus, whether that be through physical actions or his words. He never holds anything back, telling Regulus his truest thoughts as soon as he thinks them, like how he constantly reminds Regulus of how beautiful he finds him. He's like that with touching, too, always trying to get closer to Regulus, like he wants to open up Regulus' ribs and crawl inside him.
It drives Regulus insane in the best way.
Just because James is soft with his care, that doesn't mean he doesn't get a little rough with Regulus sometimes, too. In fact, it almost always ends up that way. It's almost as if they get carried away with the thrill of being able to have each other in this way, like it's some miracle that seemed untouchable, but now that they have come into contact with it, they can't ever take their hands away.
He feels as his back slams against one of the wooden beams holding up the stands, James' hand coming up behind his head right before the collision, always prepared to make sure Regulus is safe, comfortable. He groans into James' mouth, unable to stop the sound from crawling its way up his throat. James echoes him, releasing a noise of his own, something animalistic grumbling in his chest.
"If you came here to distract me before the game, Potter, it isn't going to work," Regulus says when James moves away from his lips, dragging his mouth along the hollow of Regulus' throat instead. A quiet sigh floats out of his mouth, feather-light.
James hums against his skin. "I want you to win, darling."
"Oh, do you now?" Regulus smirks, even though James can't see him. He buries his hands further into James' hair and pulls his head back so they can look each other in the eye. James' eyes have always been one of Regulus' favourite things about the boy. To any normal person, they would look brown. But Regulus, who has been given the opportunity to see them up close on countless occasions, knows they shine like two golden suns. They remind him a bit of Snitches, actually. It makes sense that out of anyone in this school, James would be the one he's seeking.
"Of course. I want to play against you at the end of the year," James smiles warmly down at him. "So, you better win this game."
"For you?" Regulus asks. James nods. "Anything." He leans in to kiss him once more, something that is supposed to be brief but lingers a little bit longer than expected.
"Good luck, little Seeker," James says, bending down to pick up Regulus' broom before passing it to him. Regulus takes it and then turns away, hiding the way that nickname makes him blush. James has been using it since second year, it's always affected Regulus this way, he just never used to know why.
Slytherin win the match. It's an easy win, almost too easy. Regulus sort of wishes they could have played against Gryffindor today, he likes the thrill that comes with competent competition. He also likes being able to watch James fly around in his Quidditch kit, but that's irrelevant.
That night, there's a celebration party in the dungeons. Regulus has never attended in the past, but now that he's the Captain, he is forced to join in. Mostly by Barty and Evan, who have been horribly insufferable since their reconciliation. A couple of days ago, they wrangled Regulus into pranking the Gryffindor boys - or should he call them the Marauders? - as they hadn't done for months. He knew it would cheer Barty up, so he agreed.
The Gryffindor boys spent an entire twenty-four hours echoing each other's words. It was especially hilarious when they got to Potions and Regulus got to listen to James, Remus and Tonks go in circles, repeating the same sentence for almost twenty minutes before one of them thought to cast a silencing charm on themselves.
It had been the most Regulus had laughed in weeks.
Regulus isn't planning on getting drunk, not even when Barty starts shoving drinks in his hands. He just vanishes the foul smelling liquids inside and discards the empty cups before his friend can notice. When Dorcas tries to pull him into a dance, he adamantly refuses until Pandora interrupts and tells Dorcas that she will dance with her. Even Evan ends up drinking, which is a surprise, as he recalls the last time they all got drunk together was when Pandora threw up in their dormitory last year, and Evan had vowed to never get drunk again.
Never mind then.
Regulus fully resigned himself to sitting in a corner for the rest of the night. He had been hoping that Scarlett would join him, but she blatantly refused to so much as come down from her dormitory, let alone join the party, leaving him to sit by himself.
It isn't until Rabastan finds him that Regulus starts to feel the urge to grab the nearest flagon of alcohol and pour himself a hefty cupful.
"You should be celebrating, Regulus. It's your team after all," he tells him, his words slurring together, indicating his drunken state. Regulus grimaces slightly at the bitter scent of Rabastan's breath.
"I don't drink," Regulus mumbles, eyes drifting off to where Evan and Barty are squeezed together on an armchair, talking quietly between themselves.
"Hm," Rabastan hums. He chucks the rest of his drink back and then places his empty cup on the table beside the couch they are occupying. When he turns back to Regulus, there's an eager glint to his eyes that makes Regulus' muscles tense up beneath his skin. "Want to see something?"
Regulus eyes him warily.
Not particularly, he wants to say.
"Sure," he actually responds.
Rabastan sends a quick look around the room and then starts unbuttoning his sleeve. Regulus' body seems to figure out what he is about to be shown before his mind can catch up, his stomach turns and his jaw tenses up. He watches as Rabastan pulls up his sleeve, revealing a mark identical to the one that Bellatrix had brandished on her arm at Christmas.
"I got it over New Year's," Rabastan whispers, like it's a secret between just the two of them. "What do you think?"
"It's..." Regulus tries to control his breathing. His chest feels like someone's thrown a boulder at it, cutting off his air supply. He clears his throat and takes in a slow breath. "It suits you," is what he settles on, because it's the first thing that comes to his mind. Just like the mark, Rabastan makes Regulus feel like he's got ants crawling up his back. Nothing but discomfort pulling at his skin.
"You think so?" Rabastan grins, practically preening under the statement. He tucks his arm back away, doing up the button of his shirt sleeve. When he looks at Regulus again, there's something eager, something hungry, in his expression. "That's your future. I've heard it's guaranteed that you'll be receiving it."
"Oh?" Regulus pretends to sound interested, though he isn't sure he succeeds.
"I'm sure it will suit you, too," Rabastan tells him before leaving him alone again.
Regulus makes the mistake of letting Rabastan's words wriggle their way into his thoughts, and soon they join in on the tornado of worries Regulus is already struggling with. Before he knows what he's doing, he marches over to the table full of beverages and fills a cup with Firewhisky. For the rest of the night, he drinks until he can't remember his own middle name, let alone everything else.
Sunday - 18th January, 1976
Regulus wakes abruptly the next morning, jolting out of his bed and hurrying to the bathroom, where he proceeds to violently throw up in the toilet. He groans and leans back against the bathtub, running a hand down his face. It takes him a couple of minutes to work up the courage to stand again. When he does, his stomach turns dangerously, threatening to bring more up, but he manages to push it down. He cleans his mouth out with some water from the tap and then cleans his teeth.
When he steps back out into the dormitory, he finds Barty splayed out on his bed, his limbs thrown over the sides of his bed and his mouth open as he snores loudly. He looks a bit like a monkey trying his best to grip onto a tree trunk.
Evan, for some reason, is asleep in a ball on the floor next to Barty's bed. Between his arms is a pillow, and it's only then that Regulus realises there's one missing from Barty's bed.
Regulus is still in his clothes from the night before, so he doesn't bother getting changed as he makes his way down to the dormitory. He knows he looks like a walking corpse right now, but he really doesn't care. Images of last night come flashing back to him; Rabastan showing him his Dark Mark, reminding Regulus of the future that awaits him beyond this castle's four walls.
Now, it feels like those walls are closing in on him. So, once he's made it through the common room and tackled the maze that is the dungeons, he hurries through the front courtyard and starts marching across the grounds. He doesn't know exactly where his intended destination is supposed to be, so he just lets his legs carry him wherever.
It feels like he blinks and finds himself at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. He only hesitates for a second before he carries on, not thinking about the consequences that may come with entering the dangerous forest. He doesn't go in very far, just enough that the trees start to grow less sparse.
Without any forethought, he pulls out his wand and casts a temporary silencing charm around himself before letting out a loud scream. He's heard this is what people do sometimes when they're stressed out or angry about something. Regulus hasn't tried it before, probably because he's never had the chance to.
He yells until his throat feels worn, the taste of blood lingers on his tongue when he drops the silencing charm. His legs buckle beneath him and he falls back against a tree. His breaths come out shortly after that, hiccupping in his chest and stuttering on their way out. Slowly, Regulus slides down the tree to the floor, bending his knees and bowing his head between them. His hands tremble, so he grips his knees in a vice-like hold, sure he'll leave bruises.
Quiet sobs tumble past his lips, but his eyes don't water. They never do. He wishes they would. Sometimes, he thinks he would feel better about all of the weight he's holding if he could just cry about it.
A sharp sound cuts through his panicked haze, just the quiet sound of a stick snapping on the forest floor, but it's enough to get his attention. The fact that he's in a treacherous forest hasn't evaded him, he'd sort of expected to come across some kind of creature. Maybe something deadly enough to take him out, then he won't have to deal with any of the impending darkness lingering in his future.
His head snaps up and... well, that isn't exactly what he was expecting.
A large, black dog stands before him, a few feet away. One of it's front paws is held precariously above the ground, like it's not sure if it's going to take another step closer to him or not.
Regulus instinctively tries to move backwards. He doesn't know a lot about dogs, he's never been around them before, but he does know that they're capable of biting, and that's good enough for him. However, he must have forgotten about the tree behind him because, when he attempts to shuffle backwards, he is stopped by it's hard bark.
He grabs for his wand, which is on the floor and points it at the dog. It makes a snuffling noise, and Regulus gets the impression it's laughing at him. With trepidation in it's steps, the dog moves cautiously forwards, stopping every couple of steps and tilting it's head like it's as uncertain of Regulus as Regulus is of it.
When the dog finally approaches Regulus fully, it sits opposite him, leaving less than a hand-sized gap between them. They watch each other warily, and Regulus drops his wand without making the conscious decision to do so. He drops it to the floor and, when he notices his hands are still shaking, he grips onto his knees again. His breaths are still coming in short and sudden intervals.
The dog glances at Regulus' hands, a humanlike intelligence glimmers in it's eyes. Regulus has heard that dogs can be clever, but he didn't realise they were so observant. Gently, the dog presses it's snout against Regulus' hand, dislodging it from his knee. Then, it does the same with the other. Regulus folds his hands together and drops them between his legs, feeling them shake erratically, unable to do anything about it.
"What are you doing in the forest?" Regulus rasps, his throat still burns from him screaming. He doesn't know why he asks the question, it isn't like a dog is going to be able to answer him. However, the dog, which had previously been sitting, stands up and does a little twirl before barking happily.
"You were... playing?" He asks.
Regulus must be going crazy, but he swears to Salazar Slytherin himself that the dog nods, which means it understands him.
"Do you live here?"
The dog shakes it's head and barks again before trotting back over to Regulus. It nuzzles at his shivering hands and then tilts it's head, as if asking why he's shaking.
"It's been a rough few months," Regulus says, unsure why he's talking to a dog about this. Or why he's talking to a dog at all. He realises though, as he keeps talking, how much easier it is to talk to something that can't judge him like a human can.
Regulus doesn't tell the dog about the Dark Lord, or the mark, he can't even stand to think about it right now, let alone speak of it. Instead, he talks about the pressure he's got resting on his shoulders as the heir of the noble and most ancient house of Black. He talks about how much he wishes he could run away, maybe to the Muggle world. The dog makes a little noise when Regulus confesses that; it almost looks surprised.
Once he's finished, he sighs and looks up at the dog, which is still sitting patiently in front of him. "You're a good listener, you know."
It's tail wags behind it, hitting the ground gently.
Regulus smiles and, if he isn't mistaken, he's pretty sure the dog smiles back.
***
Sunday - 18th January, 1976
Sirius
Last night was the first full moon they have spent together since the incident in November. Sirius wanted to go out to the forest, but he knew Remus wouldn't let it happen. Besides, Sirius didn't want to break Remus' trust or make him feel more uncomfortable than he already did on that specific night of the month.
Sirius misses the forest. He had been under the impression that it was this impenetrable place full of the darkest dangers his imagination could come up with. However, once they spent a couple of nights in there, jumping around and having more fun than they've had in years, Sirius realised that the forest wasn't what he thought it was. In actuality, it was just a home to many wonderful creatures. Sure, some of those creatures are terrifying, but that doesn't mean the forest is.
Padfoot loves the forest. It's like his playground, so when he transformed in the shack last night, he could feel as disappointment swept over him the moment Padfoot realised where they were.
This morning, James, Peter and Lily all went straight to bed, taking advantage of the moon being on a weekend. Sirius, however, didn't feel tired in the slightest. He knew Remus wouldn't be allowed any visitors until at least after lunchtime, as Poppy usually gives him a sleeping potion so that he can catch up on the hours he lost the night before.
So, on a whim, Sirius leaves Gryffindor Tower and the castle and heads off towards the forest. When he transforms, Padfoot's heart starts to race with enthusiasm the moment he realises where they are. He runs through the trees, smart enough to not go too far in without his pack to help defend him in case he comes across any acromantula or, God forbid, quintaped.
What he doesn't expect to find in the forest is Regulus Black.
Sirius' first instinct when he notices him is to growl and bark, but then he thinks about it and decides against that idea. He doesn't want Black running back to the castle and telling everyone who will listen that there's a rabid dog living in the forest.
Then, when he clears his mind and actually focuses on his surroundings, he realises there's a funny smell coming from the boy. Sniffing the air, Sirius works out that it's because Regulus is upset. It was a strange thing, realising he could smell people's emotions when in his dog form. Sirius only figured out he could do it about a month ago.
Slowly, he steps forward again, a twig cracking beneath his paws. Black looks up at him and Sirius notices the way his chest rises and falls quickly, like he's struggling to breathe at all. Padfoot hesitates before moving forward steadily, waiting for Black to shoot a spell at him from his wand, which he picks up from the ground.
When the boy eventually drops his wand and puts his hand back on his knee, Sirius notices the way he's gripping onto his legs like he's trying to break them. Not liking this, he pushes his face forward carefully and stops Regulus from doing that. He doesn't know why it bothers him so much, but it does. He was holding on tight enough to bruise himself, which isn't okay.
Then, he listens as Regulus starts talking about how he wishes he wasn't a Pureblood, which... okay. Sirius hadn't been expecting that. He tells him a lot of things, like how his father is sick and how afraid he is that he'll die soon. He speaks about his mother, who sounds absolutely awful. Sirius has only heard about her a few times in the past, mainly from the howlers she's sent the boy in the past.
Regulus then moves on to tell him about how he wishes he was a Muggle, someone unforgettable, someone who couldn't be charted. Sirius listens with a hungry curiosity that he didn't realise he possessed, not when it's regarding Regulus Black anyway.
It's the first time in the five years he's known the boy that he realises Regulus Black might not be the cold, prideful arsehole that Sirius thought he was. In fact, he's pretty sure he's majorly misjudged him.
"You're lucky, you know," Regulus mumbles, lazily gesturing towards him. "Dogs don't have to worry about very much."
Padfoot makes a huffing noise because of how untrue that statement is.
"I should probably go back to the castle," Regulus says. Sirius notices he's casted a tempus to check the time. He can't really read very well as Padfoot, but he thinks it says it's nearly twelve o'clock. He needs to get going, too, if he's going to get to the infirmary in time for when Remus wakes up.
Regulus stands and Sirius copies him, but he doesn't follow him. He remains in the forest, watching as the boy walks away from him. Just before he steps back out onto the grounds, he turns around, and when he notices Sirius is still there, he smiles and waves at him.
Sirius blinks.
He lingers in the forest for about ten minutes, not wanting Regulus to notice him coming out of the forest in his human form, in case he gets suspicious. Sirius can't believe he just spent his morning listening to Regulus Black complain about his home life, and he actually feels bad for him.
When he enters the castle, he passes the Great Hall right when Mary is leaving. She calls out his name and flashes a copy of The Daily Prophet in front of his face. Sirius smiles at her, bemused, and takes the newspaper from her fluttery hands.
"Read the headline," she instructs.
"Alright," he says, confused.
HOGSMEADE'S MURDEROUS WOLF CAUGHT
Sirius' eyes widen.
This werewolf is the reason Moony got all riled up during the November full moon. Remus hasn't stopped worrying about the fact that they are still out there. It's one of the reasons he won't allow them to return to the forest for the full moons. He's scared that Moony will be able to sense the other werewolf again and will try to go after it, just as he did last time.
Now, however, if the werewolf has been caught... they might be able to go back to the forest.
"Crazy, right?" Mary asks, reminding Sirius that she's still there. "I wonder what happened to them."
"What do you mean?" Sirius frowns, looking up from the paper to stare at Mary.
"Well, I know they killed someone, but werewolves have a separate mind to their human counterpart. I wonder what happened to the person after they were caught," Mary mutters, biting down on her lip. "I hope they weren't killed."
"Does it not say?" Sirius questions, glancing back down at the newspaper.
"No," she shakes her head. "It just says that they were caught and justice has been given to the family of the victim."
"Oh," Sirius breathes. "Do you mind if I borrow this?" He asks, holding up the article.
"Sure, you can keep it," Mary smiles faintly. "Oh, I heard Remus is in the infirmary again. Is he alright?"
"Yeah, he'll be fine. He was feeling a bit faint," Sirius lies easily. "He's staying there until he feels better, in case he has a seizure."
"Well, tell him I hope he feels better soon," Mary tells him, but there's something swirling in her eyes that gives Sirius the impression that she wants to say something else. Instead, she pats him on the shoulder and says, "See you around."
"Yeah, see you," Sirius mumbles.
Yesterday, he and Mary spent almost two hours talking about why things failed between him and Jess. The dormitory was empty, the rest of the boys were in Hogsmeade, even Remus. James had dragged him out of bed and told him the fresh air would do him some good.
Sirius stayed behind with Mary and they spent most of the day talking about Jess. Sirius admitted that he still fancied Remus, but that he didn't know he did until Jess told him he loved him. Mary seemed disappointed that they hadn't worked out, but there was also something like acceptance on her face, as if she saw this coming.
Afterwards, they spent a couple of hours practicing makeup on each other, something that got Sirius' mind off of boys. Mary had suggested it, saying he needed a distraction.
When Sirius gets to the infirmary, he doesn't bother waiting for Poppy to let him in on the off chance that she says no. Instead, he walks right in and makes his way over to the only bed with curtains around it. When he peeks his head through the curtains, Remus turns to look at him before smiling.
"Hi," he says, his voice sounding croaky. Sirius thinks he probably only just woke up, which means he was right on time.
"Hey," Sirius grins, moving forward. Without hesitating, he sits down on the bed beside Remus and gets comfortable. He places the newspaper in Remus' lap and waits for him to realise what it means.
"They caught it?" Remus gapes.
"Mhm, so now you've got nothing to worry about," Sirius tells him. "I thought you'd want to know."
Remus frowns as he continues to read. Slowly, he drops the newspaper back to the bed, his eyebrows furrowed. "It says the werewolves are suspected to be on You-Know-Who's side."
"Yeah, I saw that... Don't let it get to you, Remus. It's probably just one pack, that doesn't mean it's every werewolf in the country. You-Know-Who has Wizards and Witches on his side, that doesn't mean we should discriminate against the whole Wizarding World."
"I guess," Remus murmurs, not sounding convinced.
"Well, you're not joining him," Sirius adds.
"No," Remus shakes his head, his eyes finally coming up to meet Sirius'. "I would never join him."
"Exactly," Sirius smiles, knocking their elbows together lightly. "You're too good for them, Moons."
Sirius has been more touchy with Remus ever since they started speaking again. He can't tell if it's because Remus spent two months not even looking at him, let alone touching him, or if it's because of his new realisation. He doesn't just fancy Remus - no, this feels deeper than that. He knows he loves him, as tragic as that confession is, it's true.
Sometimes when they are alone together, Sirius gets the same feelings in his stomach as he did back in third year when he first started crushing on Remus. He feels a bit guilty about it because he and Jess broke up less than a month ago. Surely, it wouldn't be fair on the other boy for him to move on so quickly.
Although, Sirius reasons with himself, it wasn't very fair of him to waste a year of Jess' life when he was too busy being in love with some other guy.
Then, there's the fact that Remus probably doesn't reciprocate his feelings. Just because he told Sirius he likes guys, too, that doesn't mean he likes Sirius. He wishes Remus did like him like that, but he doesn't. Sirius thinks he would be able to tell if Remus did fancy him. He would like to believe he has somewhat reliable observational skills.
Sirius stays with Remus for lunch. Poppy gets a house-elf to bring them some food, not even bothering to tell Sirius off for sneaking into her infirmary. He imagines she must just expect it by now. It's not like she could stop him from visiting Remus anyway.
James, Peter and Lily come to visit him a couple of hours later, followed by Alice and Frank, who drop a stack of chocolate frogs on Remus' bed. Frank announces that he's been saving them up since December for this exact reason. Remus looks close to tears by the gesture, but he clears his throat and thanks Frank rather than crying.
Poppy dismisses Remus for dinner, giving him enough time to go up to the dormitory and have a shower first. They eat dinner all together in the Great Hall. Marlene and Mary crowd around Remus, treating him like he's their child and making a plate of food for him, asking if he would like any seconds once he's finished. They don't know the real reason he was "sick", of course, but that apparently won't stop them from babying him.
By the time they get back to the dormitory, it's gone nine o'clock and Remus looks dead on his feet. He goes into the bathroom to clean his teeth and change into his pyjamas and then he flops down onto his bed. Peter and James, even though they napped for half of the day, do the same. It isn't long before they are all tucked away in their beds, curtains shut and candle lit in the centre of the dormitory. Sirius doesn't think James needs the light anymore, but one of them usually lights it anyway, out of habit probably.
Sirius spends the first hour in his bed rolling around aimlessly, unable to get comfortable. Eventually, he just huffs and flops onto his back, staring up at the canopy above his bed. Without thinking about it first, he climbs out of his bed and tiptoes across the room to Remus' bed.
"Moony?" He whispers, fully expecting the boy to be asleep.
"Yeah?"
"Why are you still awake?" Sirius asks.
There's the sound of movement, and then Remus' face is coming into view as he pushes his bed curtains back. He looks up at Sirius with a single raised eyebrow.
"Maybe because you won't stop moving about and it's all I can hear," Remus replies, not rudely.
"Oh, sorry," Sirius mumbles, feeling himself blush. "I can't sleep either."
"Why not?"
"I don't know," Sirius frowns.
Remus remains silent for a moment. Then, without saying anything, he shuffles back and gestures for Sirius to join him. Sirius doesn't hesitate, crawling into Remus' bed as soon as it's offered to him.
"Sirius, why can't you sleep?" Remus repeats once they're lying on their sides, facing each other.
"I don't know," Sirius sighs. "Just a lot on my mind, I guess. I don't know why, but I find it easier to sleep as Padfoot sometimes."
"Then, sleep as Padfoot," Remus half-shrugs.
"In... here?" Sirius asks.
"If you want," Remus mumbles in response, his eyes drifting closed tiredly. Sirius watches as his chest rises and falls slowly, calmingly. He focuses and then shifts into Padfoot, feeling as his mind instantly settles the moment Padfoot's thoughts overtake his own.
Padfoot's thoughts mostly consist of mine, mine, mine as he looks at Remus. He stands, walks around in a circle once and then twice, before plopping down with his back pressed up against Remus. He feels as the other boy rests a warm hand on his fur and starts slowly running his fingers through Padfoot's curls.
Sleep comes easily after that.
Monday - 19th January, 1976
When Sirius wakes up the next morning, he can feel himself sweating. He cracks a single eye open and takes in his surroundings. He knows he isn't in his own bed, the sun is shining in from the wrong side of the curtains. The second thing he notices is that there's something heavy draped over his body and resting on his chest. He glances down and notices someone's arm, then he notices the scars...
Remus.
He looks back and finds Remus behind him, his lips are slightly parted, shallow breaths fall from them every couple of seconds. Sirius blinks and realises he must have shifted back into his human form whilst he was asleep.
He's never done that before.
When he tries to pull away from the other boy, the arm around him tightens and drags him back. Remus lets out an groan of protest and then, much to Sirius' dismay, rests his face right against the back of Sirius' neck. His breath causes goose bumps to rise on Sirius' skin. The feel of Remus' hand against his chest making his heart race.
"Remus," Sirius whispers, but is only met with another grumbling groan. He hates himself for doing this, but he knows that if he doesn't get away from Remus in the next few minutes, he's going to do something he'll regret. More sharply this time, he says, "Remus."
"Mm, what?" Remus asks.
"I need to get up," Sirius tells him.
"Huh?" He listens as Remus wakes up and seems to realise what they're doing. One moment, they're tangled together, and the next, Remus is falling off the other side of the bed. Sirius turns and hurriedly opens the curtains to look at him.
"Are you okay?" Sirius stares down at him with wide eyes.
"Yeah," Remus squeaks. "I'm good. Just... gonna go to the toilet." He scrambles up from the floor and basically flees from the room. Sirius watches him with a mixture of confusion and hurt.
Sirius gets up soon after that and starts getting ready for the day. It must be early because he's up before James and Frank are. Sirius ends up waking Peter up with a pillow to the face half-an-hour before they need to go down to breakfast.
He is relieved when he remembers that Remus doesn't have Divination with them next, so he won't have to avoid looking him in the eye. Remus doesn't join them for breakfast either, opting to go back to bed, not that Sirius can blame him. He would go back, too, if he could.
They start working on tarot cards today. James appears to be especially excited about the topic, eagerly listening to Professor Mallory as she tells them what each card means. They don't get very much else done in that lesson, other than a bunch of theory work, most of which they copy down from their textbooks.
Sirius spends most of the lesson glancing subtly over at Black, who doesn't look any different to how he did last week, though, somehow, Sirius can now see the stress he's carrying. It's like an aura that surrounds his very being. It's in the way his shoulders slump ever so slightly, where they have always been properly held, and in the way he keeps drifting off into space, not listening to what he's being told. Every now and then, his foot will start tapping against the floor, until he realises and stops himself by harshly holding his leg down with his hand.
That can't be good, Sirius thinks.
He doesn't know why he cares so much. He's spent the last five years feeling nothing but resentment for Black, from the very moment they met. And now, after seeing one moment of vulnerability from the boy, what? He feels sorry for him? Wishes he could help?
Sirius doesn't know what's wrong with himself.
It happens more and more throughout the day. Whenever Sirius shares a lesson with the Slytherin boy, his eyes instantly fall on him like a pair of magnets. Black doesn't start looking any better as the hours tick by. Actually, he looks a bit like he's struggling to make it through the day.
Sirius has Potions last. The moment he steps into the classroom, his thoughts about Regulus Black fall away when he remembers who his partner is. He hasn't had any lessons with Remus yet, and they averted eye contact during break and lunch. Sirius doubts they will get away with that now.
Just as he expected, Slughorn gets them to work creating a regrowth potion, which means he and Remus will have to communicate at some point during the next hour. Sirius decides to just rip the plaster off and do it. He turns on his chair once they've fetched their ingredients and a cauldron.
"Do you think we should talk about this morning?" He asks, wanting to just get it over and done with.
"Why would we need to talk about it?" Remus' eyebrows furrow slightly, making him look concerned.
"I mean, it was fine. I've- I sleep in Pete and James' beds all the time. That's not the bit I'm on about... uh, but you-"
"What?"
"Why did you react like that? You'd think I had spattergroit or something with the way you flew out of the bed," Sirius tuts. He doesn't want to get into an argument with Remus, but he can't stop the way the hurt from earlier returns to him.
"I don't know, I just wasn't expecting you to be that... close, I guess," Remus mumbles, not meeting his eyes.
"Sorry, I didn't realise I was so horrible to be around," he huffs.
"That isn't want I mean, Sirius, and you know it," Remus sighs. "Please, just- look, I'm sorry. Alright? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"Well, good because you didn't," Sirius smiles. He's sure he must look slightly manic, but he tries to ignore that.
"Okay," Remus says slowly. "So, it's not weird anymore then?"
"Nope, not weird," he shakes his head. "Perfect, actually. So, what's the first step for the potion?"
Remus watches him for a moment longer, then he looks down at his textbook. Sirius feels as his stomach starts wrapping around itself before squeezing, making him feel anxious. It almost fades away when Remus finishes reading out the first instruction for the potion and then glimpses up at him with a small smile.
Almost.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- I know it's terrible, but I always find it really interesting whenever there's a fic that mentions Barty's dad using the Imperius curse on him as "punishment". Not because I agree with it (obviously), but because it's just fascinating to see the links between fanon and canon Barty.
- Regulus and Barty's friendship will always be special to me <3 and Evan and Barty <33
- Even Regulus is noticing the wolfstar signs..
- Not James complaining to Sirius and Remus about their dorm smelling of cigarettes for the last couple of years, but then being totally fine with the smell when it's on Regulus 😭
- AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHNFSWJIHFIORENFG okay I have been so so SO excited to get to this part. Regulus and Sirius having an amicable interaction? AHHH and the fact that Regulus doesn't know it's Sirius, but Sirius DOES KNOW that it's Regulus! And Regulus confiding in Sirius is just so cute and funny to me
- Wolfstar <3 (slight spoiler, because you all deserve one: less than ten chapters until wolfstar👀)See you next week <3
Chapter 66: Fifth Year: Glitter Bombs and Tragic Lovers
Summary:
Lily <3
Valentine's Day prank <3
Jegulus' first Valentine's together <3
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-underage drinking
-someone comes out to their friends (they get a good reaction, but I just wanted to put it here in case)
-mention of the war :/
-underage sexual activity (not sex, and not explicit)Let me know if I forgot anything :)
This chapter is kinda short
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sometimes I wonder if love is worth fighting for.
Then I look at you.
I'm ready for war.
~ Kate McCarthy
Friday - 30th January, 1976
Remus
It's been a while since Remus was drunk, he thinks the last time must have been at Sirius' birthday party back in November. He can feel it running through his veins now, convening in his cheeks and making them warm. He's always enjoyed the feeling that comes with being drunk, it makes him feel weightless and silences his mind, even if only briefly.
Lily turned sixteen today. Remus and James were given the task of keeping her out of the common room after lessons ended because Sirius and the rest of their friends were busy setting up her surprise birthday party. Sirius has been planning it since December. He wanted Lily to have the best birthday yet.
Sometimes Remus still finds himself feeling shocked over the relationship between Lily and Sirius. He remembers back in first year when Lily used to despise the boy, hating the way he treated Snape. Now, Remus rarely sees one without the other.
It's sweet.
Speaking of Sirius...
"Moony," Sirius sings, making his way over to the wall Remus is currently leaning against. He's been periodically sipping at his drink for the last ten minutes whilst watching his friends unwind on the dance floor. Sirius had pulled Lily in to join him not long ago, but she's now dancing with James and Mary.
"I thought you were dancing," Remus slurs, turning so that his shoulder is resting against the wall and he's facing Sirius. The other boy gives him a sinful smile, his eyes sparkling with humour.
"You were watching?" Sirius asks before reaching out to take Remus' drink from his hand and then lifting it to his own lips. Their eye contact never breaks.
"I couldn't not," Remus says before he can stop himself. He adds, "You all dance like children on a sugar high."
Sirius rolls his eyes fondly. "Like you can talk. Don't you remember the first time you got drunk? You were the life of the party."
"I was thirteen," Remus points out. "My tolerance was much lower than it is now. Besides, I don't intend on embarrassing myself in front of the entire common room tonight." He takes his cup back from Sirius, their fingers brush lightly, making his already rapid heartbeat soar. He takes a sip from it and feels as the alcohol burns the back of his throat.
Sirius takes a step closer, his eyes slightly hooded in his drunken state. "I miss thirteen-year-old Remus. He was so adorable."
"You don't like me now?" Remus jokes, leaning forward slightly.
"I never said that," Sirius almost whispers. Remus hadn't realised how close they had become. He doesn't make any effort to move away though, and neither does Sirius. "I miss you at thirteen, but I like this version of you more."
"Mhm and why is that?" He hums.
Sirius' breath brushes against his face and Remus is reminded of the fact that they're only a breath away from each other. He wants to close the gap between them, wants to fill the space with a drawn out kiss, wants to feel Sirius' hair between his fingers.
Before Sirius gets the chance to respond, and before Remus decides if he's going to press forward or not, they're interrupted by James and Lily, who come out of nowhere. James grabs Remus by the wrist and tugs him gently until he's facing away from Sirius and staring down at him instead. Meanwhile, Lily is busy stealing Sirius' attention away from him, which is just rude.
"James," Remus hisses. "Why did you do that?"
James keeps pulling him away, he doesn't stop until they are on the other side of the common room. Remus stares back over at Sirius with a sense of longing.
"Mate, you'll thank me tomorrow," James tells him, shaking his head. "I can't believe you were just going to try and kiss him in front of the whole common room, whilst drunk."
"You don't know that I was going to do that," Remus argues petulantly.
James raises an eyebrow and gives him a look that says, Come on. Remus lets out a loud huffing sound and crosses his arms over his chest.
"You would have regretted it if it happened like that," James says, his voice significantly softer than it was a couple of moments ago.
Remus pouts. "I might not have. Besides... it wouldn't have happened. He doesn't like me like that."
James opens his mouth to say something and then hesitates. "I don't think you can guess how another person feels. You'll only know for sure if you ask him."
"I'm never doing that," Remus snorts.
"Okay," James replies, sounding slightly disappointed.
"Actually, I feel kind of tired. I think I'm going to go to bed," he tells James.
"Are you sure? Would you like me to come with you?" James asks, instantly placing his cup down on a table and coming up to rest a hand on Remus' shoulder.
"No, don't worry," Remus starts, dumping his drink beside James'. He smiles down at the other boy. "Go enjoy your night, I'll see you in the morning."
Without giving James the chance to say anything else, Remus swivels on the spot and stumbles his way out of the common room, towards the dormitories. It takes him a while to make it up the stairs - but he doesn't fall, so he counts that as a win.
Once he makes it over to his bed, he collapses on top of it and promptly falls asleep.
When he wakes the next morning, it's to Padfoot snuggled up beside him.
Saturday - 7th February, 1976
Whilst all of their friends head to Hogsmeade for the day, Remus, Lily and Sirius decide to spend it tucked away in Godric's room. Lily has been using almost all of her spare time - when she's not studying like her exams are tomorrow - practicing playing songs on her guitar. Remus has heard a few and can't help but agree with James that Lily is a musical genius. It's like the music falls out of her fingertips.
It's like magic.
"Kirley and I have officially decided to start a band," Lily announces once she's finished playing Can I Tell You by Kansas. She lies her guitar down gently on the ground beside her feet and turns to the two of them. Remus is currently sat on the edge of the duelling stage, his legs dangling over the edge, whilst Sirius is standing on it. He had been pretending to air guitar along with Lily's playing, but has stopped now that the song is over.
"Officially?" Sirius grins, lighting up instantly at the prospect. Lily has been talking about the idea of starting a band since third year.
"Yeah, we might even have a third band member already," she nods, getting up from her spot on the couch and crossing the room towards the duelling stage. When she has approached them, she pulls herself up onto it and sits beside Remus. Sirius plops himself down next to Lily, his legs swinging speedily off the edge of the stage.
"Really, who?"
"Do you know Mika Partridge?" Lily asks, tilting her head to the side.
"Isn't she one of the Slytherin Chasers?" Sirius frowns.
"Mhm," Lily nods. "She's friends with Kirley's little sister, and apparently she's a really good singer. Plays bass, too, so we're trying to recruit her."
"I'm surprised a Pureblood knows how to play bass," Sirius snorts.
"She's a Half-Blood, actually," Lily points out. "I know she's a Slytherin, but they're not all bad. Just look at Violetta."
Remus and Sirius share a look. He wonders if Sirius also noticed the fact that Lily didn't reference Snape there. Sure, it could have been because Sirius and Remus wouldn't have agreed with that example, but Remus thinks it might have been to do with something else.
Snape has been especially vile lately, picking on Remus at least twice a week. Most of the time, it's when Remus is alone, so he doesn't have to worry about Sirius going crazy on the Slytherin boy. Or James, who, apparently, has some fight in him after all. Remus had always assumed that James wasn't the sort to get into fights, that's what he'd told him once, that he didn't believe in violence. But the way he looked at Snape in the Potions classroom a couple of weeks ago... Remus has never seen him look so angry before. It was startling.
"Alright, then," Sirius nods once and slaps his hands against his thighs resolutely. "So, you've got a Gryffindor, a Hufflepuff, and a Slytherin. Now, all you need is a Ravenclaw and you've got a full set."
Lily chuckles. "I'm not sure that's how it will work. Besides, Kirley's already got a couple of people in mind."
"Anyone we would know?" Remus asks, drawing Lily's attention to him.
"Probably not. I don't think any of them are in our year," Lily explains. "I'm not even sure which houses they are in."
"Hopefully, there will be a very talented Ravenclaw in there somewhere," Sirius says, making the other two laugh.
They talk about Lily's band for a bit longer, before the subject changes. Remus has to resist the urge to sigh and roll his eyes when Lily starts bringing up Valentine's Day.
"Either of you two got a date?" She asks, looking between them with an expectant look in her eyes.
"No," Remus snorts at the same time Sirius shakes his head.
"I'm off the market for the foreseeable future," Sirius announces. Remus wonders if he's still getting over Jess. Sirius turns to Lily. "What about you?"
"No, who would I date?" Lily chuckles.
"I don't know, who would you date?" Sirius asks her back.
Much to the surprise of both Sirius and Remus, Lily's cheeks become enflamed beneath her orange freckles. They share a mischievous look and then glance at Lily again.
"Oh, so you've got your eye on someone then?" Remus smirks.
"What? No!" Lily crosses her arms. "I don't know what you're on about."
"Mhm," Sirius hums, sounding on the brink of laughter. He manages to choke it down as he speaks. "So, this someone is a secret then. Do they like you back?"
"Again, I have no idea what you're talking about," Lily shakes her head. After a minute of Remus and Sirius staring at her with identical looks of blank disbelief, Lily sighs. She flops backwards on the stage in a display that reminds Remus so much of Sirius, he almost laughs. "Fine, there is someone."
"Knew it," Sirius grins, dropping back to lie beside Lily. Remus copies the two of them, feeling weird being the only one who is sitting up.
"You don't have to tell us who it is," Remus starts. "But who is it?"
Lily lets out a small groan and throws her hands over her face. "I can't tell you," she says, her voice muffled.
"Oh, so it's someone we know then," Sirius deducts. "A friend, perhaps? It isn't James again, is it?"
"No," Lily drops her hands to give him a disgusted look. "No, James is- I don't like him like that anymore, and I haven't for a while, so don't give me that look, Tonks."
"Alright, alright," Sirius raises his hands in surrender. "But it is a friend?"
Lily looks up at the ceiling. "Maybe."
Sirius gasps theatrically. "It's not Remus, is it?" Something crosses his face, an expression Remus doesn't catch because it's there one second, and then gone the next, easily replaced by Sirius' classic grin.
"Goodness, no," Lily almost yells. Then, wincing, she turns her head to look at Remus. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just... you're like my brother."
"Don't worry, I know," Remus says, because he does. If someone accused him of fancying Lily, he would have the exact same reaction. He loves her with everything in him, but never in a romantic way. She's basically his sister.
"Is it a girl?" Sirius questions.
Remus cuts him a sharp look. As far as Remus knows, Lily only likes boys. She's never specifically told him that she might be into girls, too. Remus feels like something she should get to share on her own terms.
Still, Lily bites her lip and something like confliction passes through her eyes.
"Can I tell you both something?" She whispers, her voice so low that even Remus almost doesn't catch it.
"Anything, Lils," Remus tells her, grabbing her hand in his and smiling at her kindly. She mirrors it and then look at Sirius, who has also taken one of her hands.
"What do you want to tell us?" Sirius whispers back.
Lily's eyebrows furrow in that cute little way they do whenever she's thinking really hard about a question a professor has posed to her. "I think I'm pansexual."
Remus instantly squeezes her hand. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," she nods, still looking up at the ceiling. "Usually, I only ever like people like that because of who they are. Not just because of what they look like. I don't care about that."
"That's what James told me," Remus says. When Lily meets his eye, there's surprise pulling at her features. "You could talk about it to him, if you'd like. I'm sure he would be more than happy to hear that someone else feels the same way he does."
"Really?"
"Of course," he smiles.
"Wow," Sirius says, reminding Remus and Lily that he's still there, too. "Homosexuality must be contagious."
That startles surprised laughter from all three of them, even Sirius, who looks shocked by his own words.
When they finally settle down again, Lily is the first to speak.
"I don't want to tell you who it is, not yet," she says. "Just in case it isn't what I think it is."
"Okay," Sirius replies simply. "Are you going to send them a Valentine's at least?"
Lily grins. "Maybe."
Sunday - 8th February, 1976
Remus has rounds tonight with Scarlett Stark. He doesn't mind her. She doesn't really talk very much when they're on rounds. Remus only knows what he does about her from Regulus, who speaks about his friends quite a lot, actually.
It's strange though... Whenever Regulus talks about Scarlett, he never references her as his "fiancé", which she technically is, even if it is absurd. Instead, he groups her in with the rest of his friends, and he even speaks about her as if she's just another one of his mates, rather than the person he is meant to marry in a couple of years.
So, his knowledge on Scarlett Stark is very limited. He knows she is very clever and likes studying as often as Lily does. He is aware of her current project - which Regulus has been working on with her for the last couple of years apparently - which is basically her fighting for the rights of magical creatures who lack any sense of freedom due to the Wizarding government. One of her main focuses at the moment, according to Regulus, is werewolves.
Remus remembers how she was among the students to stick up for werewolves against Professor Pritchett last year in Defence Against the Dark Arts. He hadn't been expecting that at the time. He thought she would share the same views as all of the other arrogant Pureblood children that were raised to hate anything they considered to be lower than them.
From what Regulus has told him, Remus has deducted that Scarlett is a very caring person, even if she doesn't outwardly express it in the most compassionate way. He can respect that about her. In a way, she sort of reminds him of Sirius and how he reacted when he discovered Remus was a werewolf. Not once did he ever agree with Remus' own self-loathing views on how werewolves - himself especially - should be treated. He had been passionate with his opinions and quick to take action.
He's surprised Scarlett wasn't put in Gryffindor, actually.
When they reach the bridge where Remus usually takes his cigarette break, Scarlett stops, already knowing his routine by now. Remus slips a smoke between his lips and is about to put the pack away, when the sound of Scarlett's voice stops him.
"What exactly are those?" She asks him. Her face is almost free of emotion, though there's a slight glimmer of curiosity in her eyes. It's that hunger to learn that he's seen on her face in class.
"Cigarettes," Remus replies, holding the box out to let her examine it. She doesn't take it from him, just stares down at it, confused. "They're a Muggle thing."
"I assumed," Scarlett responds, not unkindly. "Why do you use them?"
"They're a stress reliever," Remus explains. "It's a terrible habit though. People can get addicted to them really fast."
"Then, why do you do it?" She asks him.
He shrugs slightly. "Got a stressful life, I suppose."
Scarlett makes a small humming noise and then holds her hand out. "May I have one?"
Remus raises his eyebrows, his unlit cigarette still dangles from its spot between his lips. He feels himself getting Deja vu from when Regulus first asked him if he could try one - on this very bridge, too.
It takes him a moment longer than he would like to admit for him to shake off his surprise and pull a cigarette out for the girl. He passes it to her and she looks at him before putting it between her own lips.
Remus cups his hand around the end of it to stop the harsh winds from making it harder to light, and then he clicks his fingers and watches as it flickers to life. Scarlett's eyes widen at his blatant use of wandless magic.
"Want me to help?" He mumbles, breathing the thick smoke into his lungs and sighing it back out again.
"No," Scarlett responds. She focuses for a moment and then copies him, cupping the end of the smoke and clicking her fingers. Remus is shocked when she manages to do it right. Not because he thought she wouldn't be able to do wandless magic, but because he doubts she's ever practiced this specific spell before.
Just as Regulus did, she coughs and grimaces down at it. Remus doesn't laugh, even though he definitely wants to. Instead, he stares out at the grounds, his eyes landing on the Forbidden Forest. He waits until she's stopped coughing before he glances at her out of the corner of his eye.
"So?"
"It is absolutely vile," Scarlett announces before bringing it back up to her mouth. "And yet, I think I understand the desire for it."
Remus huffs out a laugh, unable to help it. "Yeah, don't go getting too attached. They kill your lungs."
"Mm, well that might be a kinder death than what's waiting for us in the future," she murmurs, eyes distant as she continues to stare ahead.
Remus doesn't know why he asks it, maybe because he's too afraid to ask his friends, not wanting to know their answers. He can't imagine any of them saying no, and yet the very idea of them saying yes makes him want to kidnap them all and move them out of the country. "Are you going to fight?" Scarlett turns her head so quickly, Remus swears he hears a bone in her neck click.
"What?" She asks, eyes wide.
"Are you going to fight?" He repeats, taking in another drag.
Scarlett blinks and subconsciously brings the cigarette up to her mouth. A plume of smoke tumbles past her lips and mingles with Remus' in the air.
"No one has ever asked me that before," she whispers. "I shouldn't have a choice."
"You shouldn't?" Remus frowns, bewildered by her answer.
"No, I shouldn't," Scarlett shakes her head. Her green eyes meet his in the darkness. "But I want one." She says it like it's her deepest, darkest secret. Like it's a confession she's been waiting to release for her entire life. Remus thinks, maybe it was.
"Then let yourself have a choice," Remus tells her. She ponders on his words for a moment.
"I already plan to do just that," she admits, her voice full of nothing but a powerful conviction that sends a shiver down Remus' spine. He wouldn't realise it then, but the power behind her words would one day come to haunt him. Especially when wondering if his thoughtless words had anything to do with the choices she would make in the future.
For now, the silence from before falls back over them and neither of them attempts to break it.
Saturday - 14th February, 1976
Tomorrow is the full moon, so Remus spends most of Valentine's Day feeling nauseous. Although, to be honest, that may also have something to do with the ugly decorations that have been put up around the Great Hall. Pink assaults everyone's eyes, buntings and roses have been wrapped around every sconce and stuck against every wall. Someone, probably Dumbledore, has enchanted the sky on the ceiling of the Great Hall to look perpetually pink, like they're viewing it through rose-tinted glasses.
The air is thick with something that smells like very strong floral perfume, making Remus choke slightly as he enters the hall for breakfast. Beside him, Sirius sneezes as he walks through a plume of deep pink smoke that just appeared out of nowhere.
"Merlin, you'd think they would be a bit more subtle about all of this," Marlene huffs, gesturing with a long finger around the room. "What about those of us who are single and aren't interested in celebrating?"
"I've only just realised," Mary gasps, catching the attention of the rest of them as they all take their seats at the Gryffindor table. "We're pretty much all single this year - except for Frank, Alice and Peter." She sends the three of them teasing glares. "Maybe we should do a friend Valentine's Day thing."
"What do you mean?" James asks, looking briefly uncomfortable as he shuffles in his seat beside Mary.
"I don't know, we could give each other chocolate or something," she suggests. Remus perks up at the sound of free chocolate.
"What if we don't have any chocolate to give?" Lily snorts.
"Alright, maybe we should have planned this earlier," Mary mutters, mostly to herself.
"We could do it next year," Sirius suggests, attempting to wipe the frown that's twisted at Mary's lips.
"Mm," Mary shrugs. "Half of you lot might be in relationships this time next year." Her eyes jump up to meet Sirius' and then move slowly over to Remus. She smirks.
Sirius clears his throat and runs one of his hands through his hair in a very James-like display of nervousness. When he drops his hand back down to the table, it knocks against Remus' and the two of them quickly move their hands to their laps.
"I think we would be better off doing something like that next year, Mary," Marlene calls from across the table.
"Yeah, I guess," Mary frowns. "Being single is so boring." She sighs and rests her hand on James' broad shoulder. "How do you deal with it, James?"
James jolts like he's just been hit with a stupefying spell. His eyes jump across the hall and then back to the table.
"I dunno," James answers eventually.
"Hey, whatever happened to that secret girlfriend of yours?" Sirius asks jovially. James' eyes snap up to meet his, a faint look of panic on his face. "You know, the one you gave a hickey to?"
"Hickey?" James frowns.
"You admitted it during the never have I ever game on Sirius' birthday," Marlene points out before digging into a chocolate muffin.
"Oh, right," James blinks. He chuckles lightly. "They're... uh... I never had a girlfriend."
"Boring," Mary sings.
"Not boring," Sirius shakes his head, looking more intrigued than ever. "What? So, you just sneak about giving random girls hickeys then?"
Remus notices the way James' right eye starts twitching, but he doesn't think anyone else picks up on it. The panicked look that fell over his face a couple of minutes ago is still there now, making him look a bit like a deer frozen in front of headlights.
"No," James shakes his head.
"Boys then?" Sirius questions offhandedly.
James' eyes widen imperceptibly.
Sirius gasps. "You have! Oh my god, who? Wait, don't tell me, I'm going to guess." Sirius starts glancing around the hall, eyes zooming over every boy in their immediate vicinity. Remus, however, keeps glancing at James with inquisitive eyes. Something inside him tells him he should know who James is trying to hide, but no one comes to mind. Remus had no idea that James was sneaking off with anyone.
Except...
Realisation dawns on him, hitting him like a bolt of lightning striking the earth. His eyes jump back up to James, who is currently watching Sirius with an anxious expression. Then, Remus turns in his seat and glances over at the other end of the hall. His eyes narrow in on Regulus, who is sitting between Barty and Scarlett.
Right, Scarlett.
Remus must be wrong. No way is Regulus the person James is giving hickeys to. Not only is that impossible because Regulus is with Scarlett, and he doesn't come across as a cheater, not to Remus anyway. But, he's also the heir to one of the most important families in the Wizarding World, so Remus doubts he's fraternizing with any boys. Not that he should judge Regulus' sexuality based on who his family is, but he doubts Regulus has been exposed to many homosexual relationships in his life. He probably doesn't even know it's a possibility.
Still, Remus keeps the thought stored away in the back of his mind. Just because James and Regulus sneak around the school doing God knows what together at night, that doesn't mean they're doing that.
"Are they in Ravenclaw?" Sirius' voice cuts through his thoughts. "Is it that Kelton guy who rooms with Xeno?"
James shakes his head faintly, looking entirely uncomfortable by the conversation. Thankfully, this is the moment their annual Valentine's Day prank starts to fall into motion. Peter is the first to notice it, grabbing their attention and pointing towards the Slytherin table. They all turn in their seats and watch as a few owls - which they had borrowed from the school - start dropping off sealed letters to random Slytherin students.
It isn't odd for students to get anonymous love letters today, which will work as an advantage to their prank. It means people won't be suspicious, at least not straight away.
By some coincidence, Barty and Evan are the first victims of the prank. Remus can practically feel Sirius buzzing beside him. As they rip open the envelopes of their letters, they are hit with a large amount of bright pink glitter. It had been Peter's idea to add a temporary sticking charm to the glitter, ensuring it would stay in place for at least the rest of the day.
Remus can't help but let out a loud laugh at the look of blatant surprise on Barty's face. The glitter covers his face and has even made it's way into his hair, standing out brightly against the layer of blonde on the underside of his head.
Evan on the other hand... his hair no longer looks blonde. Where the glitter hit him, it's made his, usually white, hair look bright pink. He runs a hand through it, trying to dislodge some of the glitter at the same time that Barty wipes his hands across his eyes, only to discover that it won't come off.
Remus almost feels bad when he notices that they got Scarlett and Pandora, too. Pandora looks absolutely delighted by the prank, grinning from ear-to-ear at anyone who will look at her. Scarlett, however, looks mutinous.
Remus gulps.
Oh god, she might actually murder them.
Regulus and Dorcas are the only ones of their friends that don't fall for the prank, though that might be because they hadn't eagerly ripped into their envelopes like the rest of their friends did. Other Slytherins across the table have also been targeted, much to Remus' glee. One of them is Snape, who looks ready to march over to the Gryffindor table and shoot off a few unforgivables at them.
Mulciber was also caught by the prank. He still isn't sitting with his friends, he's a few seats down the table, sitting by himself like he has done for the last few weeks.
Avery, Wilkes and Amycus laugh at Snape loudly, and then, when they notice that they're old friend has also been a victim of the prank, they start snickering in his direction, pointing at Mulciber's glittery face.
Remus doesn't know what urges him to do it, whether it's because Violetta has spent the last couple of months telling him about how alone her friend is, or if it's the cruel sniggers coming out of Amycus' horrid mouth. Remus lifts his wand subtly towards the Slytherin table and makes the letters around the small group of Slytherin boys burst, causing Amycus, Avery and Wilkes to also be covered in the glitter.
They gape down at the envelopes, looking dumbstruck. Mulciber looks just as shocked. All around the Slytherin table, people who weren't victims of the prank start rushing away from their sealed envelopes, as if they are going to burst at any moment. Even Regulus and Dorcas start to leave, laughing at the rest of their friends with bright amusement in their eyes.
Just before they make it to the doors, Regulus turns to look briefly at the Gryffindor table. His face looks almost neutral, but Remus catches the hint of a smile in his expression, before he turns around and exits the hall.
***
Saturday - 14th February, 1976
James
It takes James longer than he would like to sneak out of his dormitory. Sirius had noticed that Frank wasn't present and then insisted on waiting up for him, wanting to see what time he would show up. He and Peter started making bets on whether he would come back to the dormitory or not. When Frank did, eventually, turn up, he was grinning widely and only blushed when he realised they were all waiting up for him.
"Someone looks happy," Sirius had smirked, coming up to Frank to nudge him suggestively.
Frank scratched the back of his neck and turned even redder. "Yeah, it was a good date," he mumbled, his smile stretching still. "I'm just, uh, going to go have a shower." As he turned to walk into the bathroom, Sirius and Peter began making noises of excitement that James didn't understand. Remus just looked on with a silently proud expression, whilst Frank bashfully made his way into the bathroom.
It's gone midnight when James meets Regulus outside the portrait. The other boy is wearing a t-shirt, the one he borrowed from James as pyjamas back when the marauders pranked the Slytherin common room, so Regulus couldn't go back in to get his clothes. James had never asked for it back, mainly because he liked the idea of Regulus going around in his clothes. He's wearing his own pair of pyjama bottoms, however, probably because the ones James lent him were far too big for his small frame.
James thinks he looks absolutely gorgeous.
Regulus' face, which had been drawn into a practiced blank expression, lights up when he spots James walking towards him. James leans down to kiss him, but Regulus presses his palm to James' mouth and uses his other hand to grab one of James'.
"I have something to show you," he announces as he starts dragging James towards the corridor that holds Rowena's room. He drops his hand from James' face, but keeps their hands interlaced. James brushes his thumb up and down the back of Regulus' hand.
"What is it?" James asks.
Regulus' cheeks turn slightly pink. "It's... for Valentine's Day."
James grins, feeling absolutely ecstatic by that statement. He can't help the way his steps have a little skip in them for the rest of the way there, and Regulus doesn't ask him to stop. He swings their arms between them and only stops when they get to the blank wall opposite Barnabus.
Once Regulus has summoned the room, he slips his hand into James' again and slowly pushes the door open. It's different to the ones James has seen so far, so he assumes it is going to be an entirely new room.
He's correct.
The door closes softly behind them, but James hardly notices it as his eyes start searching the room. It's quite small, not much bigger than the Gryffindor dormitories. However, instead of their being five single beds, there's one double bed. It sits off to the left of the room, settled back against the wall. On the right side of the room, there's a fireplace, but Reverie isn't hanging over this one. If she were, she would be looking directly across the room at the bed, staring at whoever ends up sleeping there. Yeah, that would be very strange.
There's a Moroccan rug in the middle of the room, large and rectangular, consisting of the colours red and green. Right ahead of them, there's a set of double doors that look like they lead to the outside.
That's where Regulus leads him now. When they reach the doors, Regulus pushes them open gently and James is surprised when the cold air hits them. It's not cool enough to be uncomfortable, which makes James think Regulus must have thrown up a warming charm beforehand. Instead, the slight cold settles comfortably against his warm skin.
They come out onto a balcony, roughly the size of a single bed. There's a short fence around it, protecting them from how high up they are. James notices that the angle they are at looks a lot like where they would be if they were on the Astronomy Tower. He wonders if Regulus did that on purpose.
Regulus drops to the floor, dragging James with him. He only notices then that there's a blanket on the floor, a couple of cushions there to make it more comfortable.
"I thought it would be nice if we went to the Astronomy Tower, like we used to in the beginning," Regulus starts to explain. "However, I didn't want to risk anyone else coming in. I don't want us to be disturbed."
He isn't looking at James, his eyes are focused on the ground, not even up at the stars. It takes James a moment to realise that Regulus looks shy. He always has been better and showing how he feels rather than telling.
James tugs his hand to get his attention and Regulus looks over at him with vulnerable eyes that still look slightly guarded.
James smiles softly.
"I think it was a great idea," he tells him, watching as relief pours through Regulus' features. James tugs him lightly again, urging Regulus to move closer. They end up curled around each other, looking up at the stars and whispering between themselves. Regulus tells James that no one would be able to see them here, the magic connected to the room covers them, almost like a disillusionment charm.
"I have a present for you," Regulus admits after about twenty minutes. He leans back slightly and then starts pulling his Ombud ring off his finger. James' eyes widen. "This is not a proposal," Regulus jokes, but James' heart begins to beat rapidly in his chest anyway.
Regulus holds the ring out to him and James just stares at it.
"Your ring?" He asks dumbly. James knows how important it is to Regulus, his father gave it to him. His father who is now sick again, who Regulus adores more than maybe anyone else in the world.
"Yes," Regulus replies. "I was thinking about it and I think it should be yours. You could see it, back in third year, do you remember?" James nods after a moment. "You weren't supposed to be able to see it, I'd hidden it with my magic, but you still could. You're the only person who can, other than myself. That's- I think it means that it's for you."
James blinks and then slowly reaches out to take it. Regulus' fingers are thinner than his, but when he slides it onto his finger, the one beside where his Potter family ring sits, it adjusts to fit him. He stares down at it, amazed by the sight of it being on his own hand.
"Are you sure?" James turns to Regulus, who is watching him with such a warm expression that James feels slightly taken aback.
"Definitely," he whispers, smiling faintly. "I wouldn't give it to anyone else."
James has to kiss him for that. Fucking hell, how did he get so lucky? Out of all the people in the world and Regulus chose to be with him. James can't believe it half of the time. Regulus is just so... so... there are no words to describe him. He makes James feel a bit like a shooting star, zooming across the sky at a rapid pace, his entire body burning and lit up with possibilities. The sort of thing you'd wish on or for. Something magical.
When they part, James reaches his hand in his pocket and pulls out a small, wrapped gift for Regulus. It isn't a ring, but it is something he's been excited about giving him for a while now.
Regulus takes it instantly, a childish excitement overtaking him at the prospect of getting a gift. He's so cute.
"We accidentally coordinated with our gifts," James murmurs, watching as Regulus pulls the wrapping paper away to reveal a small, black box. Curiously, he opens it and then gasps quietly at what he sees.
"It's a necklace," Regulus muses, pulling it out of the box delicately.
James had been going crazy over what to get Regulus for Valentine's Day for months. At first, he was panicking over whether he should get him anything or not. Whether it should be something grand or small. Then, he had to find the perfect gift for Regulus specifically. It was only when he came across this exact thing during a visit to Diagon Alley with his mother in the Christmas holidays that James allowed himself to relax a bit.
It's a golden necklace, so it doesn't go with the rest of Regulus' jewellery, which had annoyed James at first. However, after pondering over the gift for a few days, wondering if he should transfigure it or not, he decided that he liked the fact it was gold. James only wore gold jewellery, so this way it was clear that Regulus would be wearing something from James only.
It's a simple golden chain, with a sun pendent on it, the rays wiggling out like the one on James' notebook. In the centre of the sun is a red stone, opaque and dark, resembling blood.
"It's beautiful," Regulus says, holding out in front of him. "Will you put it on for me?"
"Of course," James agrees, shuffling back so that he is behind Regulus. He takes his time putting it on. He gently pushes Regulus' hair out of the way, it's grown quite long recently - James loves it. Once he's clasped it together, he keeps holding Regulus' hair back and leans in to press a gentle kiss on the back of his neck. The other boy shivers.
"There's more to it," James says, shuffling so that he's sitting beside Regulus again.
"More?" Regulus raises his eyebrows.
"Yeah. Whenever you press on the stone, I can feel it," James explains. He picks up Regulus' hand and shows him, pressing one of Regulus' fingers against the stone. James shivers. The sensation feels like how he imagines ward magic would feel. How he is connected to it and knows when someone is penetrating the wards. His magic tingles against his skin and rumbles in his bones, sending goose bumps to spread across his skin.
Regulus smiles, looking amazed. "Why does it do that?"
"Well, I thought about how sometimes we don't have access to our notebooks, like when we're in class and stuff. So, if you ever feel like you're missing me, or you need me, just press on this and I'll know, and you'll know that I'm missing you, too," James explicates, feeling a bit shy about this part of the gift.
"It's- you're... I don't even know what to say," Regulus mumbles, looking back down at the necklace. When his eyes flick back up to James', something warm shoots up James' spine. Regulus leans forward, curling a hand around the back of James' neck and pulling him closer.
As their lips meet, James feels his magic buzz again. When he glances down, he notices Regulus clutching the necklace. He grins at James, who just pulls him back in.
For some reason, Regulus drifts away from him again and starts standing up. James doesn't like this change and grabs onto Regulus' hands before trying to tug him down, a pout on his lips. Regulus snorts and tells James they are going to go into the room. James is relieved Regulus isn't ready to leave yet and follows him inside.
Regulus drags him towards where the bed is and James feels as his stomach starts flying about like a rogue Bludger.
"I thought, if you want... we don't have to. We could stay for the night? We would have to leave early in the morning to get back before being caught, but I just- I wanted to-" Regulus stops and then lets out a grumpy, little huff at his own inarticulacy.
"You mean like sleeping in the bed together?" James asks, feeling both surprised and intrigued by this idea.
"We don't have to if you don't want to," Regulus mumbles.
"Of course, I want to," James says loudly. He grimaces. "Sorry, just got a bit excited..."
Regulus laughs softly. "You're an idiot."
James hums in agreement before jumping forward to kiss Regulus once again. He walks Regulus backwards until his legs hit the bed and then gently pushes Regulus down onto the mattress. They have to do a bit of adjusting, but eventually they find a position comfortable enough for both of them.
James leans back and stares down at the boy below him. He's so beautiful. If James was a painter, he would paint Regulus over and over again. If he was a poet, he would only ever write sonnets about him. Regulus is watching him right now with hooded eyes, his eyelashes framing them perfectly. His cheeks are flushed a sweet shade of pink and his hair is splayed out around his head, looking like spilled ink on the pillow beneath him.
James loves him, he really fucking does.
There's something so tragic about that. The sun fell for a star, doomed to only ever meet during sunrise and sunset, and blind to each other for the rest of eternity. James knows he will only ever get to be with Regulus at night, but that doesn't mean he won't spend every one of his sun-filled days being absolutely and irrevocably in love with the boy.
He presses his lips tenderly to the corner of Regulus' lips and starts trailing loving kisses down his jaw, to the junction just between his jaw and his neck, down the column of his throat. As he progresses down, his kisses become less soft, hungrier, like he's trying to lick his way into Regulus' skin. Regulus responds in kind, his enthusiasm matching James' each step of the way. His arms are wrapped around James' shoulders, one of them pressed against the hard muscles of James' back, whilst the other slides up into James' hair. He tilts his neck back, giving James more access, and pushes his body up simultaneously.
That pleasure-filled sensation rattles up James' body again, the one he's felt a few times before but has always tried to ignore. Regulus stills for a moment, so James glances up at him to check if he's okay.
"Are you alright?" He asks quietly.
Regulus responds by slowly wrapping his legs around James' pelvis and using his heel to push James' body against his again. James lets out a small groan and almost drops his forehead to Regulus'.
"James," Regulus whispers.
James looks at him. "Do you want to stop?"
Regulus seems to think about this for a moment before he shakes his head. "No, I don't want to stop. Do you?"
"No," James admits.
Neither of them seem to know exactly what they're doing, but it's fine because they're in this together. James cups Regulus' face in one hand and crashes their lips together in a fierce kiss, their tongues tangle together like a pair of wild vines. James pushes down against Regulus at the same time that Regulus tilts his body upwards and presses his heel into James.
Something exciting races down his spine and settles in the pit of his stomach as they continue to move against each other. James uses his other hand, the one that isn't cupping Regulus' face, to keep them steady. He grips the headboard, his hand slowly tightening the further this goes.
Regulus' mouth opens with a gasp at the same moment that James' does. He drops his forehead to Regulus' and watches as the boy below him unravels in a way James has never seen before. He's quick to follow. He presses quick, open-mouthed kisses to Regulus' mouth as they come down from the high.
James has to roll off Regulus just so that he doesn't collapse on top of him. He lies on his side, facing the other boy, who also rolls onto his side. James reaches for his wand and mutters a couple of cleaning spells.
"Alright?" Regulus asks him, sounding a little breathless.
James smiles and wriggles closer until his head is buried into the crook of Regulus' neck, and wraps an arm around his torso. "Yeah, I'm alright. Are you?"
"Yeah," Regulus responds. He runs a hand through James' hair and James glances up at him. "Yeah, I liked it."
James' smile widens into a grin and Regulus kisses him again.
They speak for a little while after that, talking about what they're going to say in their career meetings next weekend. James tells Regulus about how he's going to say he wants to be a Healer.
"Then, there's the war," James mentions. He feels more than sees Regulus freeze. It strikes James then that they haven't ever actually spoken about the war before, not as far as he can remember anyway. He wonders why that is. Usually, when he sees Regulus, all he wants to do is just be with him. Selfishly, the war is never on his mind when they meet up.
"What about it?" Regulus asks stiffly.
"Well, my parents are fighting," James starts, feeling worried for some reason. "I can't just let them do that alone."
"What are you talking about, James?" Regulus snaps, much to James' shock. He looks up at Regulus, who is staring back down at him with defiance clear in his eyes.
"I won't just sit by and watch innocent people die, Reg" James murmurs, watching Regulus' face for any reaction at all. He doesn't get one. "What about you?"
Something flashes across Regulus' face, something haunted and determined all at once. James doesn't understand it - and that scares him. He prides himself in being great at reading Regulus, someone who is incredibly difficult to read. It's frightening realising that there are parts of Regulus that, even now, he doesn't understand. He thought he knew all of him now.
"It's not a present issue for us right now," Regulus says dismissively.
James blinks. "I think that it is."
That blank look Regulus has perfected over the years falls over his face. "I don't want to think about it right now."
James knows he won't be getting anything else out of Regulus, not about this anyway, so he drops the subject. However, as they drift off to sleep, their conversation lingers in his mind. Regulus hasn't ever expressed any of his own opinions on what's going on out in the Wizarding World. James knows that he disagrees with the prejudice against Muggleborns and Muggles, but does that mean he would do anything to stop it from happening, given the chance?
Something James has always been certain of when it comes to Regulus is that he knows Regulus wants to be good. But James also knows this: wanting to be good and actually trying to be are two very different things.
Like some horrid reminder, something rushes to the forefront of James' mind. Regulus' family very clearly don't share Regulus' views. They have openly hated Muggleborns and "blood-traitors" in the past, and James doubts they have changed their views on that in the last few years. He hadn't thought about it before but... would that mean that Regulus' family would agree with the other side? Would they follow You-Know-Who?
The idea is unfathomable to James. Regulus' family can't follow that man, can't agree with what goes on in the papers. They just can't.
Dread fills James' stomach, so he pushes closer to Regulus, who fell asleep a while ago now. His chest moves slowly up and down beneath James' head.
Even if Regulus' family is connected to all of the dark stuff going on in the world, James knows Regulus isn't. He won't let him get trapped in any of it either, not even if it means throwing himself in front of the darkness so it doesn't hit Regulus instead. James won't let it happen. He won't let the war take Regulus away from him, he just won't.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- basically, I'm just teasing you guys with wolfstar at this point :)
- Lily's starting a band!! yay :D
- Pansexual Lily Evans! <3
- Scarlett and Remus having a little war chat :/ Scarlett smoking! She's stressed, okay?
- Mary: how do you deal with being single? James: I date Regulus Black, that's how :D
- Remus is picking up what I'm putting down. He's clocking jegulus finallyyyyy
- I'm running out of prank idea guysss :(
- I love it when Jegulus give each other presents, they're so cute
- the war is going to kill me and I know what's coming, so I feel bad for whoever is reading this, because you have NO IDEA what I have planned.I'm so tired, but I really wanted to get this chapter out today. I hope you all had a good Valentine's Day <3 Thanks for 45k hits, that's amazing! I love you all <3 See you next week :)
Chapter 67: Fifth Year: Hidden Heirs and Purple Penstemons
Summary:
Dorcas kidnaps Regulus.
Regulus learns about a family secret.
Sirius and Jess have a talk.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-someone comes out to their friends (they get a good reaction, but I just wanted to put it here in case)
-mention of someone losing a parent
-discriminationLet me know if I missed anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
For a star to be born, there is one thing that
must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse.
So collapse. Crumble.
This is not your destruction.
This is your birth.
~ Zoe Skylar
Thursday - 26th February, 1976
Regulus
He's on his way back to the castle, after having just spent an hour in the forest, when he feels someone grab his arm. Regulus had been visiting the dog again - he's been a couple of times since the first and, even if it isn't there right when he arrives, the dog always shows up. Regulus wonders if it spends every day out there, or if it somehow has a way of sensing him. He doesn't know how the latter would be possible though.
Panic fills him for a moment before he turns around and finds Dorcas behind him. She drops his arm and sends him an apologetic look before gesturing for him to follow her. Confused, Regulus follows her the rest of the way up to the castle.
"Dorcas?" He questions, staring at the side of her face as they move through the corridors. His mind notes that they're walking in the direction of the dungeons, so he presumes they are going to the Slytherin common room.
Dorcas doesn't answer him, she just keeps walking. Regulus continues to watch her, wondering what on earth she could want him for so desperately. Her face is drawn into a blank expression, one Regulus rarely sees on her face. Usually, Dorcas is a very expressive person. She is unlike most of the Slytherins Regulus has ever come across. Even Barty has his quieter moments, but Dorcas is always so loud and jovial, sort of like a Gryffindor actually.
Over the years, Dorcas has only gotten more beautiful. Her hair, which she used to keep in frayed braids, now falls down around her in silky curls that shine under the lit sconces around them. She looks older than most of the students in their year and could probably get away with being a seventh year. Normally, Dorcas has horrendous posture, the sort that would drive his mother insane, and her face is always bright with a wide grin, making her look more childlike.
There's something distinctly adult about the way she looks at the moment, some kind of maturity in the way her shoulders are set perfectly upright and her mouth is pressed into a thin line.
Surprisingly, Dorcas walks right past the Slytherin common room and keeps moving through the dungeons. Regulus doesn't try asking her where they're going, not entirely sure she would answer him. Eventually, she stops and opens the door to an old, dingy classroom that Regulus has never noticed before, let alone been in. It looks like an old Potions classroom, cobwebs line the shelves around the classroom where some empty potions bottles still reside. There's a desk at the front of the room that looks like it's been left to rot here for a few centuries. There aren't any tables in the classroom though, leaving it a mostly empty room.
The flames in the sconces flash to life as they enter the room, Dorcas still leading the way. The moment the door bangs behind Regulus, echoing harshly in the barren classroom, Dorcas swivels around on her heel and lifts her wand. Regulus doesn't know why, but he flinches. Dorcas doesn't point it at him though, she points it at the door and locks it before throwing up a silencing charm around the room.
"Dorcas, why have you kidnapped me?" Regulus chuckles nervously.
"Sorry. I had to be a little bit dramatic," she cringes, but a small smile tugs at the corner of her mouth as she speaks. "There's something I need to talk to you about. In private."
"Right..." Regulus nods slowly. "And why couldn't we do this in the dormitory?"
"Pandora's up there with Evan at the moment and I wasn't sure where else we could go. There was always the kitchens, but I didn't think you would want the house-elves overhearing any of this," Dorcas speaks quickly, so much so that Regulus struggles to catch up. "I found this place at the beginning of fifth year. I think it used to be a potions classroom," she muses, echoing Regulus' earlier thoughts. "I might try and spruce it up before I drag anyone else in here for any secret confessions."
"So, you're here to confess something to me?" Regulus asks, raising an eyebrow. Honestly, he has no idea what in Salazar's name is going on right now, but that's Dorcas. Always unpredictable. It's why she and Barty get on so well. Regulus is shocked that Scarlett likes her so much, actually.
"Yeah, I guess I am," Dorcas nods rapidly. She tucks her wand into her sleeve and then lets out a heavy breath. "I know about you and Potter."
Regulus feels the floor beneath him disappear. Not because Dorcas knows, that's fine... he supposes. He doubts she's going to tell anyone, she's never told anyone any of his secrets. It's just that so many people know now. Scarlett, Evan and Pandora know he's dating James. Evans and Remus know he's "friends" with James. And now Dorcas knows something?
He thought he was being subtle.
Well, apparently not.
This isn't good. The more people who know, the more likely it is that his mother will find out about James, and that cannot happen.
"What?" Regulus' voice comes out small.
"I'm sorry, I know you've been trying to keep it a secret, and I wasn't going to say anything to you about it," Dorcas starts rambling. Regulus just continues to stare at her in shock. "But then something else came up and I needed someone to talk to about it. You're the only one who will understand."
"Wait," Regulus raises his hand slightly to stop her. "How do you even... what do you know?"
"You're knocking boots with Potter," Dorcas blinks.
Regulus gapes. "Okay, first of all, we're not doing that. There are no knocking of boots," Regulus says, feeling absurd. His cheeks are warm, so he imagines he must be quite red right now. Dorcas is smirking at him like she doesn't believe him. He's not exactly lying, he and James haven't done that yet, even if they have now done other things. His mind wanders back to Valentine's Day. "And secondly, how on earth do you know?"
"I noticed a few things in Herbology," Dorcas shrugs, looking entirely unbothered by the entire situation. Regulus has no idea how she could be acting so nonchalant. "Don't worry, you're subtle, but you forget that I sit right next to James in that class. He isn't exactly good at keeping his hands to himself, is he? And I know you hate touching people, but you don't when it's him."
"Oh," Regulus frowns. Well, that's not bad.
"Also, I've followed you a couple of times when you've snuck out of the common room before," Dorcas admits. "Remember first year? You're not the only one who struggles to sleep at night, Reggie."
Regulus huffs. "What have you seen?"
"Nothing much. I saw you meet up with James a few times and then left right after. I was always curious to see where you were going. At first, I thought you were just friends with him, but then I saw you guys... uh... snogging," she snorts.
"It's not funny," Regulus grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest.
"No, it's not," Dorcas shakes her head and takes on another serious expression. It doesn't last very long before she's laughing again. "Sorry, but honestly? James Potter? I thought you hated him."
"It's called keeping up appearances," Regulus mutters. "I thought you wanted to confess something to me, or was this it?"
"No, there's more," Dorcas says, calming down. "So, you like boys then?"
Regulus rolls his eyes. "Obviously. Why? Are you surprised that the heir to the noble and most ancient house of Black likes cock-"
"Oh, so you have been knocking boots?" Dorcas smirks.
Regulus pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's just an expression."
"Okay, okay," she raises her hands in surrender. "You like boys then, got it. That might make this whole confession thing easier, knowing you get it."
"Get what?" Regulus asks tiredly, already wanting to escape. He drops his hand and looks back up at Dorcas, noticing for the first time since entering the room how nervous she looks. "Dorcas, are you alright?"
"I'm gay, too," Dorcas blurts out, her eyes going wide. "Not in the same way you are obviously, I'm not a boy. But I... I like girls."
Regulus' face drops with shock. "You like girls?"
"Yes," Dorcas winces. "I haven't told anyone yet, only you."
It takes Regulus a moment to process her words before he's moving forward and wrapping his arms around her. This is what he needed when he started coming to terms with his own sexuality, and Evan was there to help him through it. Now, it's his turn to be there for Dorcas. If he's being honest with himself, he didn't see this coming. Not that he's ever thought about Dorcas' sexuality before. Sure, she's never mentioned having crushes in the past, nor has she ever gone on a date, but none of their friends really do that, except for Barty. So, it was never very odd.
"You don't care?" Dorcas whispers, pressing her face into his shoulder and squeezing her arms around his torso.
"No, of course I don't," Regulus tells her, pulling her even further into his arms. "I'm so glad you told me. Are you alright?"
Dorcas nods and lifts her face slightly. "Yeah, I think I was a bit freaked out to begin with, but now I'm just worried about telling everyone." Regulus strokes her back with one of his hands. "This is nice. You're a good hugger, you should do it more often."
Regulus chuckles softly. "Yeah, maybe I should."
"Do you think the others will hate me for it?" Dorcas whispers, her voice cracks almost imperceptibly.
"Of course not," Regulus tells her certainly. "I know Pandora, Evan and Scarlett wouldn't mind... they also know about James."
"They do?" Dorcas gasps. "Wow, I can't believe it. You're fake fiancé knows about your secret boyfriend. Also, it's weird hearing you call him James."
"I've called him worse," Regulus snorts.
Dorcas pulls away from him slightly, enough for their eyes to meet. "Regulus Black," she grins. "You're secretly the most scandalous of us all, aren't you?"
"Oh, definitely," Regulus jokes.
Dorcas laughs. After a moment, her expression settles back into a worried one. "Do you think Barty is going to be mean about it? He seems the sort."
"No," Regulus shakes his head. Images of Evan confessing his future with Barty to Regulus comes to mind. "I think he's a bit oblivious about the whole thing, but I doubt he would ever judge you for it. He cares too much about you to purposefully hurt your feelings."
"I hope so," Dorcas smiles weakly. Regulus gives her a small smile back.
Friday - 27th February, 1976
Regulus has Herbology first thing the next day. Dorcas sends him multiple sly looks throughout the lesson, especially whenever James gets particularly close to him. He's glad Dorcas doesn't seem to have an issue with him dating a Gryffindor, though, he supposes, she wouldn't, would she? After all, Dorcas and James are friends, sort of. Dorcas gets along well with all of the Gryffindors, except for maybe McKinnon.
After Herbology, he has a free period, which he spends in the library with Evan. He's been trying to use every spare period to study for the O.W.Ls, which are only three months away. Regulus is feeling relatively confident about his exams. They are actually a welcomed distraction, keeping him from his thoughts of the future. Now, whenever he feels a panic attack coming, on he hurries down to the forest in search of the dog. It's always there for him.
Regulus wishes he had a name for the dog, but he feels a bit silly naming it. He isn't sure why, normal people name their pets. But it's also not Regulus' pet. The dog probably has an owner out there somewhere, which means it likely already has a name. Regulus would feel like an idiot if he was going around calling it the wrong name.
Evan and Regulus meet their friends in the Great Hall for break. The rest of them had Care of Magical Creatures, and Dorcas starts telling Evan and Regulus about how Mary Macdonald nearly got attacked by a thornback spider. Barty lets out a small snort, which causes Scarlett to glare at him.
"It's not funny, Grouch. She could have been very badly injured had Professor Kettleburn not intervened," Scarlett states, her glare sharp.
"She's my ex, Stimp. I'm allowed to laugh when things go bad for her," Barty defends himself, raising his hands. "Besides, she was laughing right after it happened, and we're sort of friends now. So, no hard feelings."
Scarlett gives him a look that says she still doesn't think he should be laughing about the matter.
Regulus has Defence next with Pandora and Dorcas. They are almost late to class because Pandora is walking so slowly, but neither Dorcas nor Regulus mention it. Pandora has been quiet all day, a pensive look in her eye like she's had something stuck on her mind.
Professor Vaughn doesn't tell them off when they are the last ones in the classroom. He just smiles at them and instructs they take their seats. Regulus hurries over to his shared table with Remus and starts quickly unpacking his stationary.
"Alright, this lesson we will be moving onto a topic that you should already be somewhat familiar with," Professor Vaughn announces, flicking his wand towards the empty chalkboard. "However, Professor Dumbledore informed me that your lesson was disrupted last year - and rightfully so," he smiles at them cheekily. Regulus feels as Remus tenses beside him, and it only hits him why when he looks at the chalkboard.
Werewolves and Lycanthropy
It isn't written in scruffy capital letters like it had been the previous year when Professor Pritchett started his lesson on this subject. You could tell just from his careless handwriting how he felt about the subject. Professor Vaughn has written it in swirly calligraphy, just as he does every time they move onto a new topic.
"Now, I understand most of you will probably have some mixed views on the subject. However, this is a classroom, not a debate class, nor is it a courtroom. So, we aren't going to be sharing any potentially harmful opinions," the man states, his eyes wandering around the room to look at each of them individually. Remus sinks slightly in his chair. "We are simply going to be listening and learning. Alright then."
They go over what lycanthropy actually is and how it's caused. Regulus already knew, thanks to Scarlett and the research they've been doing on the matter over the years. It hits Regulus then that Remus must have gone through the horrible, painful process of being bitten. He can't even begin to imagine how dreadful that must have been, and how horrid it must be now sitting in a classroom and hearing it be repeated back to you.
Professor Vaughn reads through an extract from their textbook. A woman with lycanthropy documented how it felt when she was bitten, how her first transformation went, as well as the ones a week, a month, and a year after. Professor Vaughn reads out her entire entry before closing the book. He then starts going through how to recognise a werewolf. Regulus ignores this part, already knowing from his own research most of the information being taught to them.
He turns to subtly look at Remus, who is robotically taking down notes. There's a queasy look on his face, but it's almost unnoticeable under his mask of indifference.
Then, Regulus' eyes catch on something just behind him. He glances across at the table next to theirs and finds Snape glaring harshly at Remus. He's pressing his quill so hard against his piece of parchment, Regulus is surprised it hasn't snapped off in his hand.
When the other Slytherin boy notices Regulus watching him, he narrows his eyes slightly before turning away.
Regulus isn't sure what to make of that situation. Before he even has the chance to think about it more carefully, the door to the classroom opens. Every student, and Professor Vaughn, turns to look at the intruder. Regulus frowns when he notices it's Professor Flitwick.
"Sorry to intrude, Oliver," Flitwick says as he makes his way towards the front of the classroom. Vaughn meets him halfway, and they stop right beside Remus and Regulus' table. Regulus hears them whisper between themselves. "-Mister Sayre is required in Professor Dumbledore's office immediately... Yes, a personal matter... Probably not."
"Astro," Vaughn calls, causing the Ravenclaw sat just in front of Regulus to perk his head up. He looks surprised to have been called upon, but then the moment his eyes land on Flitwick, something in his expression twitches. His eyes flutter slightly like he's struggling to keep them open and his chin trembles indiscernibly. "Professor Flitwick needs you to go with him, please."
Astro slowly stands up from his desk. "Do I need to bring my things with me?"
"Yes, if you wouldn't mind," Vaughn nods politely.
The entire class is silent, except for a couple of snickers coming from Alecto and Avery's table near the back of the classroom. Astro packs his things away and shakily slings his bag over his shoulder before following Flitwick out of the classroom.
Regulus watches him go, and when the classroom door closes behind him and Flitwick, Regulus turns to look at Remus. He's about to ask what he might think that was about, but Remus is staring down at the table with a look of dread already on his face.
"Do you know what happened?" Regulus whispers as Professor Vaughn resumes the lesson.
Remus nods slowly, tilting his head slightly to look at him. "I think so." He doesn't elaborate, so Regulus remains silent. It's probably something very personal, Flitwick had mentioned it was a personal matter.
After class, Regulus has Transfiguration with Pandora, so he waits outside of their Defence classroom for her to pack her things away. The moment she steps out of the classroom, she bursts into tears. Regulus steps forward, concern filling him up as he stares down at her shaking form.
"Pandora, what's wrong?" He asks worriedly.
"Astro's mum," Pandora manages through her sobs. "Oh, he's going to be so sad."
"What about Astro's mother?" Regulus frowns, not sure what to do. He pulls Pandora away from the few staring students around them, dragging her gently into a nearby alcove. "Pandora?"
"She's dead," Pandora cries, looking up at him with watery eyes.
"Dead?" Regulus blinks.
Pandora nods and then starts crying again, so Regulus pulls her into his arms and lets her cry against his chest. He wonders how Astro's mother died, if it had anything to do with the war, or if it was something else.
They are late to Transfiguration, but McGonagall doesn't punish them when she notices Pandora's red eyes. Instead, she quietly asks her if she's alright and when Pandora nods she asks them to take a seat. Regulus keeps his arm outstretched just behind Pandora, worried she will start crying again. He may not know Astro Sayre very well, but he does know that the boy is one of Pandora's best friends.
When lunch rolls around, Pandora decides to go back to Ravenclaw Tower to see if Xenophilius is there. Regulus gives her a small smile and a nod before she turns around and walks away. He makes his way to the Great Hall with Barty, who looks just as confused by Pandora's sadness as Regulus had been.
Regulus sits between Dorcas and Scarlett today. They talk briefly about what happened in Regulus and Dorcas' Defence class, but once Regulus mentions how upset Pandora had been about the matter, they quickly changed subjects.
"Isn't that your mother's owl?" Dorcas nudges Regulus and points towards the ceiling where, just as she said, Walburga's owl is flying. It has a letter attached to it's legs, thankfully not a howler. Regulus frowns at it as the bird lands gracefully in front of him. He unties the letter from it's knobbly leg and it flies off.
"She doesn't usually send you letters at this time of the day," Evan notes aloud.
"Must be important," Barty says through a mouthful of food.
Regulus grimaces at him and glances down at the envelope. Sighing, he opens it. Barty is right, it must be important for his mother to send it to him randomly during the day instead of waiting for breakfast tomorrow.
Regulus,
I am writing to inform you that Alphard Rigel Black has been burned off the family tapestry, so you are not to communicate with him in any way. The reason for this is because he earlier notified the family of his illicit relationship with a Muggle. As you know, this is beyond unforgivable.
I wish I did not have to add this part in a letter, as it is not worth mentioning, however, it will be printed in The Daily Prophet within the next couple of days. I would rather you hear it from I than a news outlet.
Alphard had a bastard son with this Muggle, someone I believe is in your year at school. You are not to interact with this filth. If you do, I will find out and you shall be punished harsher than ever before. They are not your family, they are a threat to our pure bloodline, treat them as nothing more. Your father did everything in his power to halt the actions of the media, however, they could not be swayed.
If my sources are correct, the Mudblood in question is named Astro Sayre.
I hope you are keeping up with your studies, and will do us proud in the next few months, Regulus.
Walburga I. Black
Regulus folds the letter back in half and stares down at his lunch with a numbness that feels, not familiar, but at home. He's got a feeling this numb, dead feeling will come back to him again in the future.
He can't believe it.
Astro is Alphard's son? Alphard has a son? Alphard was with a Muggle?
Astro is Regulus' cousin?
Regulus can hear his friends calling his name distantly, but he mostly blocks them out as he attempts to rearrange his thoughts, to make them make sense.
Astro Sayre, a boy Regulus has been going to school with for almost five years... is his cousin. He's always wanted more family, especially members his own age. He knows what his mother said, that he shouldn't interact with Astro, but when does he ever listen to his mother?
Oh, and Astro's mother just died. Does that mean he is now in Alphard's custody?
Probably, Regulus thinks. That's most likely why Alphard confessed he had a Half-Blood son to the family at all. Regulus doubts he would have told them, after having kept it a secret for so many years, if he had another choice. Not out of disgust, Alphard was never like Walburga, but to protect his son.
Regulus blinks.
He feels very shaken by this news, but he doesn't feel the dread he was expecting to experience when he first saw this letter tied to his mother's owl. Actually, this almost feels like... a good thing?
"Regulus," Scarlett's voice cuts through his thoughts, bringing him back to the Great Hall.
Oh, right.
"Sorry, what?" He asks, looking at each of his friends' faces.
"What did the letter say?" Scarlett questions, sounding slightly distressed.
"Did someone die?" Barty blurts out before being hit on the back of the head by Evan. "Ouch!"
"Why would you say that?" Evan tuts. He turns to Regulus with soft eyes. "Are you okay?"
Regulus nods. "Yeah, no one died." He looks pointedly at Barty, who has the sense to look apologetic. "I suppose I ought to tell you, as it will be in the news tomorrow anyway."
So, he shows them all the letter and watches as they each have varying reactions. Evan and Dorcas look very openly shocked, Scarlett looks surprised and a bit annoyed, whilst Barty just looks confused.
"Who?" Barty asks dumbly.
"He's a Ravenclaw in our year," Evan explains with a sigh. "One of Pandora's friends. We were literally talking about him ten minutes ago. He's the one who got taken out of Regulus' Defence classroom."
"Oh, yeah," Barty nods. "Fuck, and he's your cousin?"
"Apparently," Regulus says. He tucks the letter into his pocket and then glances at Evan. "You didn't know about this, did you?"
"I had no idea," Evan tells him honestly.
"Do you think Pandora knows?"
"Almost definitely," Evan replies. "She knows everything."
Regulus hums in agreement. His eyes jump over to the Ravenclaw table, even though he knows he won't find the person he's looking for. He wonders if Astro knows that he's a Black, that Regulus is related to him. And if he does, has he always known? Why wouldn't he have told him?
Sunday - 29th February, 1976
Astro returns to school that Sunday, which just so happens to be the day the papers reveal that Alphard Black gained sole custody of his Half-Blood son Astro Sayre. Regulus receives just as many shocked stares as Astro gets. Even James doesn't stop himself from gaping across the hall at Regulus.
Regulus leaves breakfast early when he notices Astro getting up to leave. He tells his friends he's heading off to Potions club, which isn't an entire lie. Pandora is still sitting at the Ravenclaw table, she has been over the last couple of days, ever since the news about Astro's mother came out.
Astro darts from the hall and hurries up the Transfiguration corridor. He walks out into the courtyard and across it, not stopping until he reaches an alcove on the other side of it. Regulus only hesitates for a couple of seconds before he, too, crosses the courtyard and heads straight for the alcove.
The other boy gasps when he notices him, his eyes wide and slightly afraid, as if he's worried Regulus is going to curse him for being related to him. Honestly, why do people always have to think so little of him simply because of who his family is? It's just getting insulting now.
"Hello," Regulus says in a gentle tone. He hopes it doesn't show, but he's really fucking anxious right now. Something inside of him wants Astro to like him - this is his cousin, he's related to Regulus just as much as Narcissa and Bellatrix are.
Astro blinks at him. "Hello me?"
Regulus sends a quick look around the small alcove before raising an eyebrow. "Who else would I be saying hello to?"
"Oh, right," Astro murmurs, looking slightly embarrassed. "Well then... hello."
"Uhm, I just wanted to say... I mean- I'm sorry about your mother," Regulus manages, not sure why he's struggling so much to speak.
"You're sorry?" Astro frowns.
"Yes, no one should have to lose a parent so young," Regulus states, thinking about his own father. "I'm also sorry about that article in the news."
"It's not your fault," Astro mumbles, kicking the floor lightly with his shoe. "Not to sound rude, but why do you care?"
"Because," Regulus himself frowns now, "you're family."
Astro looks up suddenly with a stricken expression, his eyes as wide as saucers. "But aren't you- I mean... I thought you would hate that I'm, er..."
"I don't care that you're a Half-Blood," Regulus huffs. "Just because most of my family worries themselves over all of that, doesn't mean I do."
"You don't?"
"Of course not, what would be the point?" Regulus asks. "So, the reason I followed you in here is because I wanted to let you know that, even though the rest of the family aren't exactly... friendly, you can talk to me. If you want. Or if you don't, we can just pretend this didn't happen."
"Talk?" Astro's frown deepens. "What do you mean?"
"Well, about anything," Regulus says, waving his hand carelessly. "You're my cousin, and I'm yours. We ought to be looking out for each other. However, my mother can't know because she wouldn't have a very nice reaction to it."
Astro gives him another astonished look before shaking his head like he's trying to collect himself. "Uh, yeah, sure. That sounds nice."
"Okay then," Regulus nods. "Are you coming to Potions club today?"
"I don't think so," Astro shakes his head. "I can't deal with everyone staring at me."
"Fair enough," Regulus half-shrugs. "Well, see you around then."
Astro gives him a small smile. "Yeah, see you."
Regulus wanders back through the courtyard and down the Transfiguration corridor until he reaches the entrance to the dungeons. He makes it to Slughorn's classroom just in time, smiling at the professor on the way in, before making his way quickly over to his table with James.
"Where did you go?" James whispers. "I saw you rush out of the hall. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Regulus smiles briefly. "Just had to talk to someone."
"Astro?"
"Yeah," Regulus admits, knowing he can trust James. "He's all alone in this, and everyone is going to be watching him for a while."
"He isn't alone," James says, nudging his pinkie against Regulus'. "He's got you."
"Yes, he does," Regulus agrees.
"Did you know he was your cousin before this morning?" James asks.
"My mother sent me a letter about it on Friday," Regulus confesses quietly. "She warned me not to interact with him."
"And are you going to listen to her?"
Regulus shakes his head. "No, I'm not."
***
Sunday - 29th February, 1976
Sirius
Sirius makes it to Ravenclaw Tower an hour before lunchtime. He's hoping Astro will be here, if not him, then Xeno. It's been a while since he's visited the Ravenclaw common room, he remembers when he used to come up here all the time back in their early years at Hogwarts.
The knocker on the entrance door opens it's beak and asks Sirius a riddle. "What has a neck, but doesn't have a head?"
Sirius only takes a moment to think about it, he was almost placed in Ravenclaw, after all. "A bottle," he says, watching as the door swings open. Sirius steps through into the common room and finds Xeno sitting beside another Ravenclaw boy in their year called Kelton on one of the couches in front of the fireplace. He notices Sirius almost instantly, getting up and leaving the other boy behind as he makes his way over to him.
"Hey, Sirius. How are you?" Xeno asks with a serene smile.
"I'm alright, thanks. I just wanted to check in on Astro and see how he's doing after... well, everything," Sirius explains.
"Let's go upstairs," Xeno murmurs.
When they arrive in the Ravenclaw boys' dormitory, Sirius makes his way over to one of the pouffes in the middle of the room, Xeno not too far behind him. Sirius' eyes wander over to Xeno's part of the room, where Fauntleroy's tank sits. He wishes he brought Ayers with him now.
"Is there going to be a funeral?" Sirius asks as he turns to face Xeno again.
"Yes, next weekend," Xeno nods sadly. "Alphard was here on Friday, he came to tell Astro the news," he frowns. "Then, he took him home for a night because he said he needed to be around family. I wish I could have been with him."
"You're with him now," Sirius assures his friend, placing a firm hand on top of the other boy's. Xeno smiles at him, but it's melancholic.
"He's a bit upset that everyone in the Wizarding World now knows who he is," Xeno continues explaining. "He doesn't like having people's attention on him, and now that's probably something he will have to deal with every day for the rest of his life. It's making everything harder for him, I think."
"Has anyone said anything to him about it?" Sirius can imagine a few of the more horrid Purebloods in the school probably have a few things to say to Astro.
"Not that I know of," Xeno shakes his head. "Benji and Kings had a few questions, of course, so did Isadora. But mostly, he's just been avoiding the corridors and anywhere someone could corner him about it."
Sirius nods in understanding and silence falls over them. It's soon interrupted by the sound of the dormitory door opening. Sirius looks up and finds Astro wandering into the room. His shoulders are slumped and there are dark circles beneath his eyes like he hasn't slept since his mother died. Sirius doesn't hesitate as he stands up from his seat, crosses the room, and brings Astro into a hug.
"Oh," Astro mumbles. "Hello, Sirius."
"Hey," Sirius pulls back. "Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."
Astro shrugs. "Define alright."
"You're not letting anyone bother you," Sirius goes for. Then, adds, "Right?"
"I'm not sure I could stop them if they tried," Astro admits. "But, no, I haven't let anyone bother me yet."
"Good," Sirius nods resolutely. "If they do, you know where to find me. That's what friends are for."
That makes the smallest of smiles curl it's way onto Astro's face. "You know, Regulus Black just gave me a very similar speech."
Sirius frowns and takes a small step back. "You were speaking to Regulus? What did he say?"
"That he doesn't care what his mother says, I'm his family and he's there for me if I need him," Astro speaks like he can't believe his own words. "When he cornered me, I thought he was going to curse me or something, but he was actually... nice."
"Nice ?" Sirius gapes. "I can't believe it."
"I can," Xeno chimes in. Sirius and Astro both turn to look at him, he's also standing now, though still a bit away from the other two boys. "He can be very sweet when he wants to be. You're usually too busy noticing his flaws," he looks pointedly at Sirius.
"He isn't exactly very sweet to me," Sirius grumbles, feeling slightly like a scolded child. "As far as I'm concerned, he's horrible."
And yet, Sirius' thoughts wander back to the few times in the forest when he has visited Regulus over the last couple of weeks. Sirius has been obsessively watching the map, waiting until the moment the name Regulus Black darts from the castle and hurries down to the mass of trees. Sirius is always there not five minutes later, always ready for whatever will happen next.
"Well, he's my cousin, and he's half of the family I have left. Those that will even talk to me anyway," Astro says calmly. "So, be nice."
Sirius sighs. "Fine."
When they go down to the Great Hall for lunch, Sirius sits at the Ravenclaw table with Xeno and Astro. He doesn't allow his eyes to trail over to the Slytherin table like they want to. Not until the end of lunch. When they do, he notices Regulus leaving his friends at the table before leaving the hall.
To anyone not paying enough attention, Regulus simply looks like he's walking. But Sirius, who is paying attention, notices the way he speeds up his footsteps the moment he's out of the hall, like he's running.
"I'll catch up with you guys later, okay?" He says, distantly aware of the other two boys' responses. "See you."
Sirius attempts discretion as he leaves the hall hurriedly, but the moment he's out of it, he starts walking so fast, he's almost running. He wishes he had the map, so he could see which direction Regulus went in, but he's got a feeling. So, he follows his instincts and starts making his way towards the forest. The moment he's far away enough from the castle that he won't be spotted, he shifts into Padfoot and starts running for the trees.
Regulus isn't too far in, he can smell him. He follows his scent and finds the other boy crouching in front of a small, purple flower. A penstemon, he thinks. He looks so small and innocent like this, his eyes wide with wonder as he looks down at the plant. His fingers brush delicately over it's petals.
"I know you're there," Regulus says, causing Padfoot to jump. A moment later, he stands and turns to look at him, a small smile on his face. Sirius doesn't think he will ever get used to that - to Regulus looking at him like that. Like Sirius is someone worth smiling at, and not one of his least favourite people on the planet.
He barks cheerfully, feeling as his tail wags. For some reason, Padfoot is always so happy to see Regulus. There's this instinct inside of him that only grows when he's in his Animagus form. An instinct to protect the boy in front of him, to keep him from harm and make sure he isn't alone in this forest, shivering about the things going on in his life. He doesn't know why he feels like this, but it's something he can't shake.
Regulus slowly sits down in the grass, just in front of the little flower. As Padfoot gets closer, he realises there are more surrounding it, but they haven't quite bloomed yet, so they blend in with the foliage.
He sits down next to the boy, enjoying the silence that passes between them.
"I'm not even sure why I came here today," Regulus whispers, hands pulling on strands of grass nervously. "A few things in my life have changed, but I'm not worried about it. I think it's a good thing, actually. I don't feel so alone anymore."
Padfoot shuffles closer slightly and Regulus turns to look at him. They blink at each other.
Tentatively, like he isn't sure if he should be doing it or not, Regulus raises a gentle hand and runs it down Padfoot's furry back. A small, childlike smile. The quickening of a heartbeat. Warm eyes. All things Sirius would never connotate with Regulus Black, and yet... that's the boy sitting in front of him. He looks so young from up close, far too young to be going through the horrors the world has been presenting him with.
He scratches behind Padfoot's ear and Sirius leans into the touch.
"I guess I just wanted to see you," Regulus confesses quietly. And Sirius thinks he understands entirely what he means. Out here, away from the castle and the people within it, away from a world full of war, they get to feel the peacefulness that mother nature is offering them. It's calm out here, such an antithesis to the world they live in every day; that's what makes it addicting.
Padfoot nuzzles his hand. It isn't Sirius, it's not. Padfoot is in control at the moment, and Sirius is struggling to overpower the dog's instincts. Padfoot lies down and lies his head on one of Regulus' knees. They sit out there for a while, just enjoying the quiet and the calm.
Saturday - 6th March, 1976
On the day of Aurelia Sayre's funeral, Astro and Xeno are both missing from the castle. Sirius probably should have predicted that Xeno would go with his boyfriend to support him. He knows it will be on his mind all day - he's hoping Astro will be okay, as okay as he can be.
Today is also the day of the Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor Quidditch match. As Xeno usually commentates games, but isn't here today, Peter offers to fill in his spot. McGonagall reluctantly agrees, but warns Peter not to take advantage of the job, otherwise she will get someone else to replace him.
James leads them out onto the pitch the moment Peter announces their names, cheers erupt from the stands. Before taking off, Sirius and Marlene knock their bats together, something they do before every game for good luck. The moment Sirius is up in the air, he searches the Gryffindor stands for Remus. He's sitting with Lily and Mary on one side, and Alice on the other.
When he notices Sirius is looking at him, he smiles and throws him a thumbs up. Sirius grins and returns it with both of his thumbs raised. When Hooch blows her whistle, he soars off through the air, looking out for any rogue Bludgers that might be hanging around. After what happened to James back in October, Sirius and Marlene have been extra vigilant when looking out for any nearby Bludgers.
Sirius had been absolutely horrified when he saw the Bludger careening wildly towards James, and he was too far away to get to it in time. He remembers yelling James' name out, a warning, but he was too late. He won't let anything like that happen again. He would rather himself get hit than one of his friends. The hours of waiting in the hospital wing for James to wake up will haunt him forever, he thinks.
James instructed Sirius and Marlene not to get distracted trying to look out for him, knowing that the opposing team would likely use this to their advantage. So, Sirius has been put on James duty, and Marlene is on Frank and Angel duty.
Luckily, they're playing against Hufflepuff, whose Beaters are nowhere near as brutal as Slytherin's and Ravenclaw's are. Their Chasers are probably the strongest part of their team, they work as a unit and fly circles around any Bludgers that come within their vicinity. It's a bit annoying, actually.
Sirius manages to startle Archie Macmillan after sending a Bludger past him, only missing him by a couple of inches, enough of a distraction for the boy to fumble with the Quaffle and for James to swoop in and catch it.
"Damn! Did we see that truly beautiful swing from our one and only Sirius Tonks, folks? Just stunning," Peter announces, causing Sirius to bark out a loud laugh. "Gryffindor's Captain - James motherfu-"
"Ahem," McGonagall coughs.
"I mean," Peter continues. "James Fleamont Potter is in possession of the Quaffle! He's approaching the hoops, and he's... he's... SCORED! FUCK YES, JAMIE!"
"Mister Pettigrew," McGonagall snaps.
"Sorry, Minnie," Peter chuckles.
Sirius shakes his head and tunes back into the game. He notices a Bludger flying a bit too close to Willow - Gryffindor's Keeper - and flies over there to get rid of it. Luckily, he manages to hit it away before anything catastrophic happens, and he simultaneously distracts Hufflepuff's new Chaser, who is holding the Quaffle. Gwala - Sirius thinks is his last name - loses his grip on it, and Angel appears as if from nowhere, grabbing it before soaring off again.
The game lasts just over an hour, only ending when Emmeline and Azalia get into a race for the Snitch. Marlene hits a perfectly-aimed Bludger towards the two of them, at just the right angle that it would come up on Emmeline's side. It does what Marlene intended and startles her enough that she flies upwards just as the Snitch begins to flutter down. Azalia follows it and grabs it before corkscrewing up through the air, away from the ground, only missing it by an inch or two.
"OH. MY. GOD. WE'RE IN THE FINALS!" Peter's voice booms very loudly across the pitch. "I see you hiding that smile, Minnie. WE WON!"
When they land, Sirius and James collide in a tight hug. Marlene comes up behind them and jumps onto Sirius' back, so he takes off running with her screaming out his name.
"Sirius Edward Tonks, put me down, you arse!"
"Never," Sirius announces, cackling as he goes.
When they get to the changing rooms, he drops her off and she swats him. He laughs as he takes the hits before heading for the showers.
Once they're showered and dressed, the boys spend a few minutes going over parts of the game. James is beyond ecstatic about Azalia's flying today and says he's going to have to be a bit easier on her at practices from now on.
"What about my flying?" Sirius asks as they leave the changing rooms. His hair is in a damp bun on top of his head, he can feel droplets of water sneaking down the collar of his shirt. "Why can't you compliment me?"
"Yeah, and me," Frank adds.
"You didn't let me get there yet," James laughs. "You both did amazing today, too. Sirius, you've been holding back on us at practice. The precision I saw today was-" James brings the tips of his fingers to his mouth and kisses them like a chef. "Beautiful. And Frank, I couldn't ask for anyone better to be one of my Chasers. You've been doing an excellent job with Angel, too. She did brilliantly today."
"Thanks, James," Frank smiles shyly.
"Yeah, thanks, Jamie," Sirius says, throwing his arm across James' shoulders and pulling him in to press a loud kiss to his cheek.
"Ew!" James pulls himself away from Sirius and starts running towards where Remus and Peter are waiting for them with the girls. "Guys, help! Sirius is in love with me and I don't know how to let him down easy!"
"Oi!" Sirius crows before following him.
"What's all this about you trying to snog James?" Mary asks the moment he and Frank catch up with the rest of them.
Sirius squawks. "I did no such thing, but even if I did, he should feel honoured. I am a hoot."
"Yeah, okay," Marlene laughs.
"You're so mean to me, Marls, even though I love you so," Sirius frowns dramatically. "It's a tragedy."
"You're a tragedy," Marlene quips teasingly.
"Moony, I'm being bullied," Sirius pouts, turning to look up at Remus, who is standing beside him. "Stick up for me then."
"And why would I do that?" Remus smirks.
"Because I'm your favourite obviously," Sirius huffs.
"I am, actually," James and Lily say at the same time before turning to look at each other with equally narrowed eyes.
Remus snorts. "So, this is what it feels like to have people fighting over me."
"Well, if I'm going to fight over anyone," Sirius grins.
"Sirius!" Someone calls from behind him. When he turns around, he's shocked to find Jess standing a few metres away, looking very uncomfortable by having everyone's eyes on him. Sirius thinks he hears Remus take in a sharp breath.
"Can we talk?" Jess asks.
Sirius nods and then starts walking towards him without even saying anything to any of his friends. They don't talk at first, but the silence isn't as horribly uncomfortable as Sirius thought it would be. It's a bit awkward, but nowhere near as much as he expected.
Jess keeps walking up the grounds until they pass Hagrid's cabin. That's when he starts talking.
"How have you been?"
Sirius blinks. "Alright... How have you been?"
"Alright," Jess echoes, smiling slightly. "Sorry I sort of ignored you for the last couple of months. I was just trying to... well, you know. Get over you." He scratches the back of his neck nervously.
"Oh, right," Sirius mumbles, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other. "You don't need to apologise, I completely understand. I'm sorry that it didn't- that we didn't work out. Believe me, or don't, but I actually really wanted us to work."
Jess smiles softly at him. "I know, but we were sort of doomed from the beginning. That's not your fault, or mine, or even his." Jess doesn't have to clarify who he's talking about, Sirius knows he means Remus. "It's just life."
"Yeah, life is shit," Sirius huffs.
Jess laughs lightly. "Yes, it is. Anyway, I think I'm ready to stop avoiding you now. If you want, I would like to be your friend. We don't have to be, if it makes you uncomfortable, but I still care about you, Sirius. I can't imagine just not having you in my life anymore."
"You want to be friends?" Sirius questions, surprised.
"Of course," Jess says earnestly. "Just because we didn't work out together, doesn't mean we can't be good as friends."
"Okay," Sirius nods. "Friends then."
"Friends," Jess agrees.
They keep walking, looping around so that they're now retracing their steps. Sirius notices the way Jess keeps his hands in his pockets and wonders if it's because he doesn't want their hands to accidentally brush together.
"So, have you told him yet?"
"Told who what?" Sirius asks.
"Remus," Jess snorts, raising a suggestive eyebrow. "Have you told him about how you feel?"
"No, of course not," Sirius squeaks. "Why are you even asking me about it? Doesn't it make you... I don't know, uncomfortable?"
"Maybe it would have before, but I don't mind so much now," Jess replies. "So, why haven't you told him?"
"Because he's my best friend and he doesn't like me back," Sirius explains, not feeling as weird by having this conversation with his ex-boyfriend as he probably ought to. "Which is annoying because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him."
"Woah," Jess breathes. "When did you figure that one out?"
"About a month ago, maybe a month and a half," Sirius muses.
"Hm," Jess hums. "You know, you're wrong."
"What do you mean?" Sirius frowns.
"About Remus not liking you back. Have you seen the way he looks at you? Sure, it's only when you're not looking back, so I'm not surprised you haven't noticed it, but that boy's smitten with you."
"No, he's not. He's just... he looks at everyone that way. It's fondness because we're friends," Sirius doesn't know why he's trying to make excuses. Maybe it's because if Jess is right, then that means Remus reciprocates his feelings, and Sirius doesn't know what to do with that. What can they be beyond friends? How would it change them? Sirius is too scared to find out.
"You're a bit of an idiot, you know."
"Hey," Sirius huffs, hitting Jess on the arm.
Jess laughs and raises his hands in surrender. "Sorry, but I'm right. Don't you hear yourself? I tell you Remus stares at you like he wants to eat you, and you tell me he's just doing it as friends."
"Because he is!" Sirius argues.
"Oh, Merlin," Jess shakes his head. "You're hopeless. Alright, how about this? Remus didn't like me very much when we were going out, did he?"
"Well, he- I mean, he didn't-"
"It's fine, Sirius. I don't mind," Jess assures him.
"Right, well, I'm pretty sure he hated your guts," Sirius grimaces apologetically.
"Exactly, and I was always perfectly nice to him, so why do you think he didn't like me so much?" When Sirius stares blankly back at him, Jess groans. "He was jealous! You should have heard him at James' Christmas party last year. Mind you, he was drunk, but he confronted me about how I wasn't good enough for you. Then, he said you should be with someone else."
"He did?" Sirius asks, hope blooming in his chest.
"Yeah, it was a bit funny actually," he snorts. "He's liked you for a very long time."
"Wait, but that was the day before he broke up with Marie," Sirius recalls. "He couldn't have liked me then."
"Did he ever tell you why he broke up with his girlfriend?" Jess raises an eyebrow.
"No, he just said there were a bunch of reasons," Sirius explains.
"Yeah," Jess nods slowly, like he's waiting for Sirius to understand something.
"You think I was one of those reasons?" Sirius can't and won't believe that.
"Obviously," Jess almost yells. "Please, I swear you weren't this oblivious when we were going out."
"Well, we knew we fancied each other, so it was pretty difficult to be obtuse about it all," Sirius mutters.
"You liked me?" Jess asks with such genuine curiosity, it makes Sirius' chest hurt.
"Of course, I did," Sirius says sincerely. "Just because I wasn't... in love with you," he winces as he remembers the day they broke up, "doesn't mean I didn't fancy you."
Jess grins. "Well, that's nice."
"And you say I'm the oblivious one," Sirius rolls his eyes fondly. They snag on a figure standing near the forest. Regulus looks back at him with a harsh glare, something Sirius hasn't seen on his face for a while. Mostly because he's been avoiding him, unless he's going to the forest.
Sirius wants to go now. He wants to say goodbye to Jess and sprint off towards the trees, turn into Padfoot, and spend the rest of the afternoon in the forest.
However, when Regulus notices him watching, he turns on his heel and starts marching towards the castle. Sirius tries to ignore the disappointment he feels settling in his stomach.
"So, are you going to tell him?" Jess asks.
"Huh?" Sirius' eyebrows furrow.
"Remus," Jess gives him a look that says, See? Oblivious.
"Oh... no. I don't think so," Sirius sighs. "Just in case you're wrong, I don't want to risk it. He's my best friend-"
"I thought Peter was your best friend," Jess cuts in.
"They're all my best friends," Sirius corrects. "James and Frank, too, and the girls. Then, there's Xeno. I couldn't choose just one, that would be absurd."
"Alright, Mister Popularity."
"Says you," Sirius nudges him playfully. His smile drops. "No, I'm not going to tell Remus anything."
Jess looks like he wants to say something else, but instead, he just nods and changes the subject. Jess asks him about how his O.W.Ls are going and Sirius teases him by saying he's going to beat what Jess got last year. They walk back up to the castle side-by-side.
"There is one thing I don't think I'll be able to let go about us," Jess tells him before they make it to the front courtyard.
"What's that?"
"I don't even remember our last kiss," Jess frowns.
Sirius, feeling bad, and also wanting that closure that Jess obviously needs, stops. Jess turns to him and Sirius stands up on his tiptoes before lightly brushing his lips against Jess' cheek.
"Sorry," he whispers when he pulls away. "I don't think I can give you more than that."
"I wouldn't ask for more," Jess smiles before carrying on into the castle. Sirius follows him into the Great Hall, they part as Jess sits down with his friends and Sirius spots his a little further down the table. He sits down between Remus and James.
"What did Jess want you for?" James asks the moment Sirius is sat.
"You aren't getting back together with him, are you?" Lily looks at him curiously.
"No, we aren't getting back together," Sirius shakes his head and sends a brief look Remus' way. Remus looks like he isn't paying attention to what they're saying, he's very focused on his sandwich at the moment. "We had the whole ex talk, and now we're friends."
"Well, that's..." Peter starts.
"Good?" James attempts to fill in, though he looks unsure.
"Yeah, James, it's good," Sirius grins. "I know we'll be better off as friends."
Under the table, where no one can see, Sirius knocks his knee against Remus' and leaves it there. Remus doesn't move away.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Dorcas is iconic. She is a goddess, a queen, the moment. I just love her so much. She figured Regulus and James out all by herself.
- I cried when Astro's mum died because none of them deserved that (sorry).
- REGULUS KNOWSSS! all of the Black family secrets are coming out now 😏
- Regulus and Astro "we're family" <333
- More Padfoot and Reg in the forest <3
- Peter commentating the quidditch matches is something we definitely need more of.
- Not Jess interrupting a wolfstar moment 😬 Also, I've missed Jess. At least, he and Sirius are friends now :))
- Jess is team wolfstar, ofc he is. He's the sweetest guy ever (other than James and Frank ofc).Last update of February! March is going to be a great month for anyone who loves this fic 😏 There's a lot coming your way!! Thanks for everyone's comments on the last chapter, I love hearing from all of you <3 See you next week!
Chapter 68: Fifth Year: Glowing Fish and Blackbird Songs
Summary:
Remus and James turn sixteen.
Remus figures something out.
James makes a confession.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-warning for a disgusting amount of pus...
-underage drinking
-brief mention of past injuries/scars
-underage sexual content (not explicit)Let me know if I missed anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Blackbird, fly
Blackbird, fly
Into the light of the dark black night
~ Paul McCartney
Wednesday - 10th March, 1976
Remus
On the morning of Remus' sixteenth birthday, he wakes to a heavy weight on top of his stomach. Instinctively, he reaches a hand down before he even opens his eyes, knowing instantly what it is - or who it is - the moment his hand comes into contact with slick fur.
"Sirius," Remus mumbles, unable to prevent the smile that curls on his lips. He cracks one eye open and lifts his head just enough to peer down at Padfoot. He stares back at Remus with wide, intelligent eyes. "What are you doing in here again?"
As if in answer to Remus' question, Sirius nuzzles his face against Remus' stomach and then barks lowly.
"Shh, Frank might hear you," Remus says, laughing lightly. He scratches behind Padfoot's ears, not even realising he's doing it until he makes a pleased noise. "Is this supposed to be your way of saying happy birthday to me?" He raises an eyebrow.
Sirius shifts back into his human form, now lying beside Remus on his stomach. His head is in his hands and he's looking down at Remus with something akin to mischief sparkling in his eyes.
"And if it is? Don't you like it?" Sirius smiles, tilting his head.
"Well, it's definitely better than when you lot used to all pile on top of me like animals," Remus snorts.
"But, Moony," Sirius says in a sing-song voice, "we are animals."
"Frank isn't," Remus points out.
"True. So, got any birthday wishes?" Sirius asks, dropping one of his hands and poking Remus gently on the arm.
Remus pretends to think about it. "Mm," he taps his finger to his chin, "I'm hoping someone got me a massive stash of chocolate, because I've eaten mine."
"Already?" Sirius looks down at him with an incredulous expression. "Merlin, Remus, you're going to end up with diabetes by the time you're twenty."
"That's the goal," he says sarcastically. Sirius just rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "Are the others up yet? What's the time?"
"Nearly half-six. Everyone's still sleeping."
Remus groans. "Why were you up so early?"
"I couldn't sleep," Sirius shrugs. He rolls over slightly and then reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small wrapped gift. He holds it out to Remus with a wonky smile. "Happy birthday, Moony."
Remus takes it and hesitates before opening the wrapping paper. Sirius always manages to get him the perfect gifts. Remus still keeps the snow globe Sirius gave him in third year on his nightstand. He stares at it whenever he's feeling particularly pathetic about his crush on Sirius. He watches the stars fall on the mini figurines and smiles at the thought of Sirius finding the snow globe and thinking of him.
"It's nothing too special," Sirius tells him as Remus starts to open it. "I wanted to make you something that you would use."
"You made it?" Remus asks. He pulls out the present and realises it's a bookmark. It looks like it was decorated with watercolours, used to paint a starry night sky, the moon shining brightly among the speckled stars. There's a tassel on the end of it, gold and shiny. Remus realises that the design glows as if Sirius used magic to make it look like the real night sky.
"I know it looks sort of boring right now, but watch." Sirius pulls out his wand and presses the tip of it to the bookmark. Remus watches as it emits a faint glow before changing. In place of the starry sky, there's now a near-perfect painting of Remus' horse Carpet.
"Sirius," he breathes, blinking up at the boy. "It's..."
"Pete let me use his paints," Sirius explains, scratching the side of his face anxiously. "I'm no artist, not like he is, but I did try. I even got your mam to send me a picture to copy from. Sorry, I know it isn't perfect."
Remus cuts him off, pulling him into a hug. Sirius silences, but not before letting out a soft, "Oh," and then settling into Remus' arms. Remus buries his face into Sirius' shoulder, breathing him in and relishing in the familiar scent.
"It is perfect," he mumbles, pulling away enough so that he can look Sirius right in the eye. Their faces stand only an inch or two apart, but Remus doesn't allow his eyes to drop to Sirius' lips like they want to. "I love it."
"Oh, good," Sirius sighs, as if he was afraid Remus was going to hate it. How could he? "There are a couple more on there." He gestures to the bookmark before pressing his wand to it again. The painting of Carpet is replaced by a scenic image. It's a field full of wildflowers that looks so real, Remus wonders if he pressed his finger against it, would it sink into the painting. He realises it's the field near his house back in Wales.
"You even remembered the snowdrops," Remus smiles, tracing the flowers with the pad of his index finger.
"For my birthday, you got me something that would help when I felt homesick, so I wanted to do the same." Sirius then taps his wand to the bookmark a final time and Remus almost gasps at what he sees. It's an image of them and all of their friends - James, Peter, Frank, Lily, Marlene, Mary, Alice and Azalia. It isn't realistic, it looks sort of cartoonish, but Remus can still appreciate the talent and the time it must have taken to create this. The image, he realises, looks the same as one of the photos they all took together in the common room at the end of fourth year.
"Sirius, I don't even know what to say," Remus whispers, shaking his head. He looks away from the bookmark and towards Sirius, who looks slightly bashful. "I can't believe you made this for me."
"I'd do anything for you," Sirius says quickly, and Remus can tell by the way his eyes widen a moment later that he hadn't meant to say that. He clears his throat and then gestures back down to the present. "It also stays between the pages you leave it in, so you no longer have to use sticking charms to keep your bookmark in place and risk ripping the page or ruining the print."
"Did you make it do that yourself?"
"Yeah," Sirius grins smugly. "Did it on my first try, too."
They hear a groan from across the room then and share a look before laughing quietly. A moment later, James' hand sprouts out from behind his bed curtains to grab his glasses off his nightstand. Then, he steps out of his bed and flinches at the brightness of the sunlight. He blinks and his eyes land on where Sirius and Remus are sitting side-by-side.
James frowns like he's trying to remember something he's forgotten. It only takes a second for clarity to wash over his features. "Happy birthday, Remus," he says with a sleepy smile.
Remus chuckles. "Thanks, mate."
At breakfast, Remus receives letters from his parents, his Muggles friends, and even James and Sirius' parents, all wishing him a happy birthday. His friends all give their presents to him at the breakfast table; Remus has to shrink everything just to fit it all into his school bag.
He has Care of Magical Creatures first with James, Lily, Frank and Mary. Much to his relief, they have finally moved on from their fruitless search for Horklumps and are now back in a classroom. Professor Kettleburn starts on the topic of matagots today, which Remus is very intrigued by. He hasn't heard very much about the magical creatures, but he knows the Ministry uses them as a form of security, and he's heard rumours that they are very popular in the Department of Mysteries.
After Care of Magical Creatures, Remus has Ancient Runes, which passes unbearably slowly. Then, when break is over, he has double Potions next to Sirius. Slughorn has them brewing the Draught of Living Peace potion, which Remus knows is an extremely difficult potion to brew. It has also take them several lessons to complete it - even James with his supernatural brewing abilities.
Once they have added the powdered moonstone, and the potion has shifted to a plum-like purple, Sirius and Remus sit back down on their stools and wait for the potion to simmer and turn pink.
Remus tries his very best not to stare when Sirius wipes the back of his hand across his forehead, his dainty fingers curling enticingly. He then brushes his hair out of his face in what must be an attempt to torture Remus. To distract himself, Remus starts rolling his sleeves up his forearms, already feeling overwhelmed by the heat clouding the classroom. It's spring now; even here in Scotland, the weather has grown warmer and the air stuffier, especially in the dungeons, where they can't open any windows to air the classroom out.
Once he's rolled up his final sleeve, he turns back to Sirius only to find the other boy staring down at Remus' arms like he's trying to burn them with his gaze. Remus wonders if it's because Sirius is curious as to why he is suddenly so comfortable showing off his scars in front of the whole classroom. Remus has learnt over the years that, so long as Snape isn't around to point it out, no one else does. No one cares that he has scars littering his arms. Everyone has scars, whether physical or otherwise.
"Pete and I have a date in mind for yours and James' party," Sirius says, removing his eyes from Remus' arms like it pains him to do so. "Are you sure you don't want a party of your own? You know I can convince Lily to let us have two in a month. She loves me."
Remus smiles lightly and shakes his head. "I'm sure. I like that the attention isn't fully on me, and it's nice to be able to share the celebration with James. What day were you thinking?"
"The twentieth," Sirius responds. "It's almost bang in the middle of your birthdays, and it's a weekend, so Lily is less likely to skin us alive."
"Fair enough."
"Plus," Sirius adds, lowering his voice, "it's four days after the moon, so you should be feeling better by then."
Remus sends Sirius a grateful smile, still shocked whenever Sirius remembers when the moons are and how long they affect Remus for. Ten-year-old Remus never would have believed he would find a friend like Sirius Tonks.
At lunch, a large chocolate cake appears on the Gryffindor table. When Remus looks up at Sirius with a raised eyebrow, Sirius just shrugs back in response and smirks. His friends sing loudly to him, loud enough that students from other tables start to join in, as well as Gryffindors from other years. Even Dumbledore, who is sitting at the staff table for the first time in months, sings along, much to Remus' horror.
He has a free period after lunch, as the rest of the boys, as well as Mary and Azalia, have Divination. Lily practically drags him out onto the grounds, where they spend the next hour by the lake.
It's easy to get from the lake to Herbology next. He separates from Lily the moment he gets to the greenhouses, as she isn't in his Herbology class. Mary and Pandora are already waiting in their usual seats for him. Pandora grins and tells him happy birthday when she notices him and he tells her thanks in return. Sirius, Marlene and Florence work beside them for the lesson, so Sirius and Remus end up standing next to each other.
Sirius' group have been given a mushroom with a severe acne problem to work on until the Easter term ends. So far, they haven't had any success in healing it, similarly to how Remus' group haven't had much improvement on their snow drop that keeps crying out snowflakes whenever it's left alone for more than five seconds.
Around halfway through the lesson, Remus is tending to his flower's petals, whilst Pandora attempts to get it to stop crying by complimenting it on how healthy it looks. Mary is lazily pulling on a strand of her hair as she stares into space and Remus can't even blame her.
He doesn't notice when Sirius sends a spell towards his mushroom, it's cast slightly too strong, too much power behind it.
When the mushroom responds by having all of it's spots explode all over the place, Remus somehow ends up in the way. He flinches instinctively the moment something hits his eye and then gags when he realises what has just happened. Slowly, he lifts his hands to wipe both of his eyes clean and immediately turns to glare at Sirius.
Sirius stands beside him with a flabbergasted expression like, he too, did not anticipate that happening. He is drenched in the mushroom's pus, just as Remus is, and looks more shocked than he does disgusted. It drips from his hair and splats loudly as it hits the floor. Remus notices that the entire class has gone silent. He also notices that no one else in the room, not even the others in Sirius or Remus' groups, got hit. It was just them.
"Oh dear," Sprout tuts as she waddles over to them. She rests her hands on her hips and lets out a long sigh. "Suppose you two better go and clean yourselves up then. Mister Tonks, five points from Gryffindor for being so abrupt with your use of spells."
Sirius blinks, still looking frozen as if he hasn't been awake a moment since the explosion happened. Realisation seems to dawn on him all at once, and he nods his head at Sprout. Then, he turns to Remus with a look of such immense guilt on his face that Remus can't help but send him a reassuring smile.
They leave the greenhouse together and start their slow ascent up to Gryffindor Tower in silence. Remus tries his best to wipe the pus off his face as they go, but it's no use. The stuff clings to his face like tar, irritating his skin slightly, which is concerning. He would use his wand to attempt to remove some of it, but he doesn't want to get it on his wand at all, so he doesn't even try.
Sirius finally breaks the silence once they reach the fifth floor.
"I'm so sorry, Moony," he grimaces. "I probably just completely ruined your birthday."
"Well, this one definitely won't be high on my list of favourite birthdays," Remus nods. Sirius' eyes widen in horror and Remus can't help but laugh. "Sirius, it's fine, really. At least, this way, I don't have to be stuck in that boring lesson for another half-an-hour."
"I guess," Sirius mumbles, staring down at the ground.
As they step onto one of the moving staircases and stand in wait for it to arrive at the correct floor, Remus reaches out and gently rubs a clump of goop from Sirius' cheek. Sirius looks up at him suddenly, surprise evident in his eyes.
"You didn't ruin my birthday," Remus promises, thumb still moving along Sirius' cheekbone. "You could never."
When they get to Gryffindor Tower, Sirius insists that Remus go first in the shower, so he does. He rushes, knowing Sirius has a lesson next period, even though Remus doesn't. He manages to get the pus off easily with soap and hot water, and even gets rid of the putrid stench it emanated. It's hardest trying to get it out of his hair, but, eventually, he succeeds in doing that as well.
Not wanting to take up much more time in the bathroom, he wraps a towel around his waist and steps out into the bedroom. He doesn't care about the boys seeing him without a shirt on, not anymore. Not now that they have seen him on mornings after the full moon when he's completely bare. His dignity left him a long time ago.
He almost bumps into Sirius on his way out, who has shed his tie and has unbuttoned and untucked his school shirt from his trousers, which are also undone.
Remus knows that, if he doesn't say something, he won't be able to stop himself from staring. Which is why he says, "Woah, I didn't realise how bad you smelled before."
Sirius' jaw drops and a jokingly offended expression befalls his face. "You didn't smell any better before either."
"And whose fault is that?" Remus raises a sardonic eyebrow.
Sirius places his hands on his hips, causing his shirt to fall open even more. Remus' eyes drop to Sirius' bare torso for only a second before they jump back up to his face. Sirius doesn't seem to notice, too busy yammering away about how covering Remus in plant pus was an accident.
He doesn't mean to, but he looks again. It's like Moony is controlling him, like he can only act on his impulses and not his logic. He traces Sirius' body with his eyes, exploring and cataloguing as if he isn't going to force himself to not think about Sirius like this later.
Sirius hasn't got scars. None that Remus can see anyway (he tries not to think about the ones that likely reside on his shoulder after the November moon incident). His skin is completely bare, other than the dark patch of hair that trails up from beneath his trousers and to just beneath his belly button. Sirius has a very, very defined torso, which is just not ideal. Not ideal at all. Remus sort of thinks, how dare he.
He should have suspected this, but he normally tries his best not to think about Sirius' body. It's right in front of him now, though. Impossible to ignore. He's defined from years of Quidditch, solid where Remus is just lanky. His skin is so pale, Remus is almost convinced Sirius could be made of porcelain.
There are two moles just beneath Sirius' right peck that sort of resemble a vampire bite mark. Then, there's another on his left hip bone, which is in Remus' line of vision, for some reason.
Jesus, he shouldn't be looking. What is he doing?
He blinks and looks back up the moment Sirius meets his eye again.
"I need to shower," Sirius says before walking past him and closing the bathroom door behind him quickly.
Remus stares at the closed bathroom door for a few moments, just letting himself bask in this overwhelming need to barge his way straight through the door and pull Sirius towards him, pus and all. Then, once he's certain he has claimed back some semblance of control, he forces himself to cross the room to his drawers and gets dressed.
Wednesday - 17th March, 1976
The morning after the full moon, Remus wakes up in the infirmary with Poppy half hovering over him, whisper-shouting at someone to his right. When he turns with hooded eyes to look at who she's scolding, he finds Sirius next to him in the bed.
"Oh, hello," Sirius smiles, instantly turning away from Poppy to look at Remus instead. "Have a good nap?"
Remus blinks and then moves his head slightly to check if he has a migraine. When he finds that he doesn't, and that he doesn't feel sick either, he nods.
"Any new scars?" He asks, turning to look up at Poppy, who is still staring at Sirius with a disapproving look in her eyes.
"No, none at all," she confirms, narrowing her eyes at Sirius before turning them on Remus. Her expression warms instantly the moment she looks at him. "It was a very good moon, just like it was last month."
"Does that mean I can go?" Remus asks, feeling hopeful.
"Give yourself an hour to wake up properly first, and if you feel awake enough, then yes. You can go," Poppy nods. She turns on her heel and leaves them alone, but not before sending one more narrow-eyed look Sirius' way.
Remus only notices once she's gone that Peter, James and Lily are sitting in seats around his bed.
"Did the wards work?" Remus questions in a whisper. He agreed to spending another full moon in the forest, but only if his friends enforced wards to stop Moony from being able to sense anything beyond the forest itself. He didn't want a repeat of what happened in November.
"Yes, they worked," Lily assures him, smiling kindly.
"Do you remember anything from last night?" James asks him, leaning forward on his chair and resting his elbows on his knees.
"Not yet," Remus shakes his head and furrows his eyebrows. "It's all sort of blurry, like a dream."
"We found something!" Peter practically hisses in excitement.
"What do you mean?" Remus frowns, sitting up slightly in the bed. Sirius starts adjusting the pillows behind him seemingly without even realising it. Remus smiles to himself.
"We think we might have found another of the founders' rooms," James tells him. "Probably Hufflepuff's, because it was out in the forest, but we're not sure yet. We wanted to wait to explore it with you today."
"You found another one?" Remus gapes. "Where in the forest?"
"On the east side, relatively deep in," Sirius explains. "Luckily, we didn't come across anything dangerous."
"That's two," Peter says, grinning. "Now, we just need to find Ravenclaw and Slytherin's rooms and we've got them all."
"I doubt anyone else has ever found them all before," Lily adds, sounding excited, too.
"Most people probably think they're just a myth," Sirius comments. "I did until we found one."
Remus nods in agreement.
He gets let out just before lunch and goes straight up to the dormitory so that he can have a shower and get changed into proper clothes. Poppy refuses to allow him to attend his lessons for the day, so he spends most of his day wandering around.
The five of them don't get the chance to go and explore what they found the night before until after dinner. By then, the sun has set and an eerie darkness settles over the forest like a warning telling them not to go in. They don't listen and go in anyway. Lily and Sirius shift into their Animagus forms, just in case any creatures from the forest come out and attack them.
It takes them almost an hour to find what they are looking for. Remus doesn't really remember much from the night before, so he doesn't recognise where they are when they get there.
Sirius is the one to find it again. He points his glowing wand at a couple of tree roots that look like they have purposefully grown away from each other, causing a circle to form. There's a hole in the ground that leads to vine-riddled stairs made of ancient stone.
"This is it," Sirius says, nodding at James and Lily to turn back into themselves. "Who wants to go in first?"
"I'll go," Lily declares. Before anyone can stop her, or even blink, she's descending into the hole in the ground, her red hair flickering like a magical flame under Sirius' wand light.
The boys are quick to follow her, each of them light their own wands as they make their way lower and lower into the ground. The stairs don't travel for very long, but they spiral similarly to how the ones in Godric's room do. When they get to the end of the steps, they are faced with a wall of dark, ivy vines.
Lily uses her wand to move them to the side, revealing a short tunnel that leads into a larger area. She doesn't hesitate before carrying on and neither do the rest of them.
Because she is the first in the room, Lily is the one to slip. Luckily, Sirius is right behind her and manages to catch her before she falls entirely. Remus glances down and realises there are large stepping stones that look almost submerged by a pool of water. Or, maybe not water. The liquid surrounding them, creating a small lake, looks silvery like the liquid one would find in a pensive. It's so translucent that Remus can see the bottom of it. Colourful stones sit in it's bed, looking like Moroccan tiles beneath the swaying water, having a kaleidoscope effect on his vision.
When he looks up at the rest of the room, he notices that the stepping stones lead to a small island only a few meters away from where they are standing right now. At the back of the island, growing in the bright green grass and among the wildflowers, is a willow tree. It looks like it's growing out of the wall, and Remus doesn't even understand how it's alive at all. There is no sunlight down here, not as far as he is aware. It's leaves dangle down like strands of hair, fresh and green.
Remus tilts his head slightly when he realises the ceiling isn't a ceiling...
Instead of soil or stone as Remus expected to find, he notices the ceiling is made of water. It's a reflecting pool and echoes everything that exists beneath it. Remus stares up at himself and then gasps when he spots something skipping through the water. A school of glowing fish, some blue, some purple, some golden, swim around excitedly, looking like stars in a sky.
"Wow," Lily breathes from somewhere beside him.
"It's beautiful," Peter announces, sounding slightly out of breath. He always was the most fond of Herbology out of all of them.
"Do you think we can get to the tree?" James asks, speaking Remus' thoughts aloud. They all glance down at the stones, or, more accurately, boulders, that rise just above the water, creating a path.
"Probably," Sirius says, stepping forwards. He tentatively rests a foot on the first stone and, when he doesn't slip, he balances his other foot on it. He raises his eyebrows. "Seems fine to me. You coming, Lils?" He holds out a hand to her and she takes it with an anxious look on her face.
Once the two of them have made it halfway across the lake, Peter follows them, then James. He turns back and looks at Remus.
"Coming?"
"Yeah, I'm coming," Remus nods, rolling his shoulders before stepping on the first rock.
Once they have all made it across, Sirius instantly lies down in the grass and stares up at the reflecting pool with wonder-filled eyes. Lily wanders over to the willow tree with Peter, both of them curious to see how it's alive under the ground. James crouches down near the water and tentatively dips his hand into it.
Remus sits down in the grass next to Sirius, crossing his legs beneath him.
"I'm guessing this was Helga's room then," Sirius says.
"Yeah, it is," Lily announces from somewhere behind them. They both tilt their heads to look at her. She's tracing an outline on the bark of the tree, something that looks like it was carved there.
"What's that?" Peter asks, walking over to where she's standing.
"Initials," Lily answers. "H. H, so Helga Hufflepuff?"
"Maybe," Peter nods.
"So, we found another one," Sirius grins up at Remus from where he's still lying on the ground.
"We did," Remus smiles back at him, feeling as his heart skips in his chest.
"I think there's something up with this water," James calls from across the island. He stands from his crouching position and flicks water off his hands. "It feels magical."
"Well, it is hidden beneath an enchanted forest, James," Sirius points out with a snort.
"I know, but it feels almost... I don't know, alive ?" James says as he makes his way over to where Remus is sat. He drops down beside him, next to Sirius, too. "I had a small cut on my hand and now it's gone. See?" He presents his hand to them and shows them his blemish-free skin.
"So, the water heals you?" Remus asks, frowning.
"I think so," James nods. "It would make sense. I mean, healing relies on plants, which was Hufflepuff's specialty. She was probably very good at healing."
"That's wicked," Sirius says, sitting up slightly. He props himself up on his elbows. "We could take some and then use it in emergencies."
"We probably shouldn't steal from a founder," Peter notes, coming to sit with them.
"It's not stealing if it's used for a good cause, and if the owner has been dead for a thousand years, Pete," Sirius shrugs. "I'm sure Helga wouldn't mind."
"Sirius is right," Lily says as she plops down onto the ground next to James. "We always take books from Godric's room and use them for good purposes, right? That's what the rooms seem to be for, so far at least. To be used for good. As long as we don't take advantage of what the room is offering us, I don't see a problem in... indulging."
"Woah," James stares at Lily with wide eyes.
"I know," Remus says. "Did you just say 'Sirius is right'?" He raises an eyebrow at her.
"Oh, please, is that really what's important right now?" Lily rolls her eyes.
At the same time, Remus, James and Peter all say, "Yes."
Saturday - 20th March, 1976
Remus and James' party starts off with a bang - literally, as Sirius sets off a firework in the common room that spells out 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' and shrieks weeee as it's released. Lily doesn't even scold him for it, just gives him a disapproving look that speaks more volumes than her words ever could.
They spend the first hour trying to get tipsy and then drunk, and, by the second hour, Sirius is dragging Remus into the centre of the room to dance. Much to Remus' loathing, they run into Jess, who Sirius is apparently now friends with. Remus has no idea why and he's decided he won't put forth his opinions on it to anyone because it isn't his place to.
When Magic by PILOT starts playing, Remus side-eyes Sirius with a smirk, who stares back with a wide grin. His expression turns cheeky as he holds out a hand to Remus, urging him to dance with him. Remus, of course, doesn't hesitate as he places his hand in Sirius' palm. Sirius links their fingers together and pulls him closer. They knock their cups together in a cheers before chucking them back, drinking until their cups are empty. Sirius then grabs Remus' cup and chucks it onto a nearby table along with his own.
When he turns back to Remus, their hands still linked, they start to dance.
Never been awake
Never seen a day break
Leaning on my pillow in the morning
Lazy day in bed music in my head
Crazy music playing in the morning light
"It's magic you know," Sirius sings, grasping Remus' other hand and spinning him around. Remus goes, letting Sirius do whatever he wants with him. For a moment, his back is pressed against Sirius' chest, their hands still linked and arms twisted around his body. Sirius' chin rests on Remus' shoulder for a microsecond before he turns him around again and lets out a barking laugh.
"This song makes me think of you whenever I hear it," Remus says, dropping his mouth to ghost over the shell of Sirius' ear. The other boy leans closer to him as if drawn in by a magnet.
"Is it because we used to listen to it like ten times a day?" Sirius huffs a small laugh.
Remus pulls away slightly, their cheeks brush. When he meets Sirius' eye again, he shakes his head, the alcohol making him feel dizzy. "No, that's not why. It's because, even in a world full of unicorns and enchantments, you're the most magical thing I've ever come across."
He watches as Sirius' eyes widen and his cheeks turn a bright shade of red. It's the first time Remus properly considers the possibility that Sirius could reciprocate his feelings. However, he dismisses that thought almost as soon as he's had it and blames the reaction on the alcohol.
Sirius blinks and then glances down at their linked hands. Before Remus knows what's happening, Sirius lifts their conjoined hands and then slowly slides his hand down to grip Remus' wrist. He brings Remus' hand up to his face and presses a gentle kiss to the inside of his palm. Something starts buzzing in his blood, something that distantly feels like magic, but it's more than that. This doesn't feel like it's originating from his magical core, but like something that's lived within him his whole life and is finally being fed for the first time.
"Moony, your eyes," Sirius says, dropping Remus' hand completely and cupping his face.
Remus blinks. "What?"
"They're glowing," Sirius replies. He stares up at Remus with an eager sort of curiosity that makes him feel self-conscious.
Remus pulls away from him and turns around. He rubs his eyes and tries to get himself under control. He doesn't need anyone else at this party noticing his "glowing" eyes and questioning him on it. What answer would he give them? He can't exactly tell them it's because he's a werewolf.
"Remus?" Sirius places a tentative hand on his shoulder. Remus wants to shake it off. Remus wants it to stay there forever.
"Sorry," he shakes his head and turns around. "I think it's because the moon was a few nights ago," he whispers.
"Right," Sirius nods, not looking like he believes him. "Do you need some air? I can come with you."
"No, that's okay," Remus smiles. "I'm going to see if I can find James. I haven't seen him all night and this is supposed to be our party."
"Alright. Want me to come?"
"Keep dancing, I'll be back in a bit," Remus says before he turns around and starts pushing through the crowd. He finds Benji and Peter laughing between themselves near the couches, and Mary talking to Azalia and Marlene by the drinks table. Lily is with Pandora, Frank and Alice on the other side of the common room.
No sign of James.
Remus frowns when he finishes his third scan around the room. He decides he will go up to the dormitory and check the map, just in case James has gone out on a drunken wander around the castle. Remus doesn't want him to get caught. He knows it's Sirius' week with the map, so it should be under his pillow. That's where Sirius usually keeps it.
When Remus gets up there, he stumbles over to Sirius' bed and has to resist collapsing onto it. He notices the stress ball he got for Sirius for his birthday is on his nightstand, as well as the binyeo Xeno bought for him, and a couple of shells and pictures of his family. He picks up the frame that holds a picture of Sirius running towards the camera, his mum chasing him from behind. There's a toothless grin on his face and his hair is much shorter than it is now. Remus thinks he must have only been six or seven in the photo.
He smiles and then puts it back down.
The map is under Sirius' pillow, thank goodness. Remus opens it and looks all over the castle for James. He worries at first when he can't find him in the common room or anywhere else on the seventh floor of the castle. However, when his eyes roam over to the Astronomy Tower, he finds not only James' name there, but Regulus' too. He grins.
He stuffs the map in his pocket and moves back down the stairs to the common room. Hoping no one else will notice him leaving, Remus sneaks out of the portrait and starts heading towards the Astronomy Tower.
To him, it doesn't feel like a very long journey. It should only take him a few minutes to get there, but he's quite drunk, so it takes him almost twenty to make it to the top of the tower. He thinks about knocking before entering, but then he remembers that it's a communal space, and it's just James and Regulus. They're his friends, they won't mind if he joins them, right? Besides, James is supposed to be at the party with him, as it's for both of them.
When he decides knocking would be stranger than just walking in, he grips the doorknob and twists it. He expects to find James and Regulus talking, maybe having a laugh about something. What he doesn't expect is to find Regulus sat on the metal bar across the tower, his legs wrapped around James' torso, his hands in James' hair, and his mouth attached to James' own.
James has one hand resting against Regulus' right knee, whilst the other is fisted in the front of Regulus' night shirt.
They don't appear to have heard the door, but they hear it when Remus practically yells, "Oh my god."
Regulus notices him first. He pulls away from James and his eyes instantly lock on Remus, who is still standing in the doorway with a dumbstruck expression on his face. He realises distantly that Regulus looks like he's panicking. However, Remus is soon distracted by James, who turns to see what Regulus is looking at, only to find Remus.
It seems to take James a millennia to realise what the fuck is going on. He blinks and then practically rips himself away from Regulus, who jumps down from the bar and looks ready to run at any moment.
Remus can't believe it, he can't bloody believe it.
He was right. He'd guessed it, assumed it, hadn't believed it could be possible, but he was correct.
James has been sneaking around with Regulus, and not just because they're friends.
James and Regulus were just snogging, and it definitely did not look like a first kiss.
Oh my god.
James and Regulus.
***
Saturday - 20th March, 1976
James
Oh, Merlin.
Fuckshitfuckfuckshit.
Yep, that pretty much sums up what's going through James' head right now.
He can't believe it.
Remus just walked in on him and Regulus kissing. No, snogging. He saw them. There's no way they can play this off as anything else, not that James can think of, unless Regulus has a plan.
James turns to look at Regulus, who looks like he's about to run. James would know, Regulus has run from this tower, from him, before.
Then, there's Remus, who looks frozen by the doorway. His hand is still lingering on the doorknob, like he's unsure of whether he should just turn away and close the door behind him, or step inside. James isn't sure which option would be preferable right now.
It's the sound of Regulus' low, rushed breathing that brings James back to himself. Before then, he felt trapped like an animal. Locked in place and unable to escape. Now, he takes a step towards Regulus, knowing he must be on the verge of having a panic attack right now. He reaches out a hand and, much to his relief, Regulus instinctively moves towards it.
James rests his palm between Regulus' shoulder blades, hoping to calm him. "It's okay, you're okay," he whispers. "It's just Remus, he won't say anything." He says that part a little louder, his eyes landing on his friend across the tower.
Remus blinks harshly and finally steps into the tower properly, dropping the door behind him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... interrupt," Remus says, sounding slightly uncomfortable. "Sorry."
"Remus, what did you see?" James asks, because he has to know. Just in case Regulus managed to pull away before Remus opened the door. Sure, Regulus was still wrapped around James, but they could pretend it was an innocent hug. Right?
"You- I mean... you were-" He turns his eyes on Regulus. "What about Scarlett?"
James' eyes sink shut, his hand stilling on Regulus' back.
"What about her?" Regulus speaks, his voice sounding oddly calm. It's void of any emotion, which James instantly knows is a bad sign.
"You're engaged," Remus supplies. James feels as jealousy twists in his stomach.
"And?" Regulus stares blankly back at him.
"And what? You're cheating on her then?"
"That isn't what's happening," James cuts in, shaking his head. "It's... complicated." He doesn't want to give away Regulus' secrets, he has no right to do that.
"Complicated?" Remus echoes, sounding incredulous.
"We're engaged, yes," Regulus nods slowly, never looking away from Remus. "But that doesn't mean we view each other as more than friends. Our parents want us to marry."
"Wait, so, you don't want to get married to Scarlett?" Remus frowns, looking confused. James can tell he's drunk by the way he's swaying slightly on the spot.
"That is correct," Regulus responds, clenching his jaw.
"Does she know that?"
"Of course, she does," Regulus huffs, crossing his arms. "It's mutual. I don't want to marry her because she's a girl, and she doesn't want to marry me because she doesn't believe in arranged marriages."
"Oh, so you're..." Remus' sentence trails off, but everyone in the tower knows what he was about to say.
So, you're gay.
"Yes," Regulus sighs.
"Okay," Remus nods easily.
Regulus frowns. "Okay?"
"Yeah," Remus shrugs. He walks closer to the two of them, but still leaves a couple of meters between them and him. "I sort of guessed you and James might have something going on. I didn't believe it, but the hunch was there."
Regulus and James share a look. Remus is taking this peculiarly well. If he's being honest, James is waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"So, you don't care," James frowns.
"Why would I care? It's your business," Remus replies, bemused. "I won't tell anyone either."
"Why not?" Regulus narrows his eyes, staring at Remus with suspicion.
"Because you guys are my friends and I can tell you've gone through a lot to keep this a secret," Remus gestures between the two of them. "Of course, I'm not going to tell anyone."
"Wait a minute," James holds up a hand. "What do you mean friends plural ?" He glances down at Regulus, who sighs and gives Remus a look that Remus returns. Since when could these two communicate through looks? What is going on?
"Yes, James," Regulus admits. "We're friends."
James positively lights up. "Really? Since when?"
"Oh, Merlin, you were right," Regulus shakes his head. "He's going to cry of happiness over this."
"I told you," Remus laughs.
"I'm not crying," James argues. He isn't going to tell them that he can feel his tear ducts burning. They don't need to know that. "How long have you two been secret best friends for then?"
"We're not best friends," Remus rolls his eyes.
"Honestly, James," Regulus huffs.
"How long?" James presses.
"Since September," Remus shrugs and Regulus nods in agreement.
"September ?" James almost shouts. "And neither of you ever thought to fill me in on this new development?"
"Well, it has nothing to do with you," Regulus tells him. He turns to face Remus again. "You can't tell anyone about this, Remus, and I mean anyone. If this gets back to my mother-"
"I know, don't worry," Remus smiles kindly at him. "You can trust me."
Regulus smiles, too. "I know."
"So," Remus smirks. "How long has this been going on for?"
"Over ten months," James answers quickly. He's been counting. Plus, now that someone knows the truth, he can't help himself. He's been waiting to tell someone about Regulus for ages.
"Ten months ?" Remus gapes. "Fucking hell. I'm surprised you've managed to keep this to yourself for so long, to be honest. No offence, James."
"Some taken," James tuts. "Why is that so surprising?"
"Well, normally it's really obvious whenever you're excited about something," Remus snorts. "Hold on a minute. Is Regulus who you were on about when you told Cara you fancied someone at Hogwarts?"
"...Yes," James replies.
"Cara?" Regulus asks. "Your Muggle friend?"
"Yeah," Remus nods. "She is going to go crazy when I tell her I figured it out."
"You said you wouldn't tell anyone," James says.
"I know and I won't," Remus promises. "But that doesn't mean I can't tease her about it. Besides, she doesn't even know who Regulus is."
"Remus," James says seriously.
"Okay, fine," Remus sighs. "Well, I guess I should let you guys get back to it then." He chuckles and turns around, heading for the door. When he gets there, he stops. "Oh, and by the way, you might want to lock this once I'm gone. If you're trying to keep this relationship a secret, then you're not doing a very good job."
"I'll have you know, we've done a spectacular job so far," James retorts.
"Really? So, other than me, no one else knows?" Remus raises an eyebrow.
James turns to look at Regulus, who just looks slightly guilty.
"Reg?"
"I'm sorry, but Scarlett, Evan and Pandora know," Regulus winces. "Oh, and Dorcas figured it out a couple of weeks ago."
James blinks. "So, you're telling me that basically all of your friends know we're dating?"
"Yes."
"Excellent."
Sunday - 21st March, 1976
The morning after the confrontation, James corners Remus in the bathroom, who is just finishing brushing his teeth. He watches as James closes the door, locking the both of them inside. It's something the other boys have grown accustomed to by now, Remus and James locked in here.
James turns to face Remus again, anxiety overtaking him as he says, "Last night..."
Remus opens his mouth to say something, but then seems to realise at the same time James does that the others can probably hear them. So, he pulls out his wand and casts a silencing charm around the room, muffling their conversation to anyone outside.
"Well, I honestly can't say I'm surprised," Remus admits, causing James to blink in shock. Remus lets out a small, rumbling laugh. "Come on, James. You sneak off into the night with him all the time."
"Is it really that obvious?" James' worry spikes at the thought of Sirius figuring it out. Remus seems to read his mind.
"Don't worry, Sirius hasn't got a clue," he assures him. "I doubt he would even believe you if you admitted it to his face."
"Yeah, that's true," James agrees in a murmur. His eyebrows furrow, his fingers twist at the ring Regulus gave him weeks ago now. "What do you think about it all?" His cautious eyes lift to meet Remus'.
"I think you probably shouldn't tell Sirius within the next decade," Remus grins humorously. He must notice the tension in James' demeanour, as his smile softens to something more understanding. "I think it makes sense."
James looks up in surprise. "Really?"
Remus nods. "Yeah. I mean, there's always been something going on there, hasn't there? You and Regulus have always struggled to ignore each other, even back in first and second year when he supposedly despised you."
"He didn't despise me," James rolls his eyes fondly.
"I know - you've been obsessed with each other for years," Remus explains, leaning back against the sink. "Mainly, I'm just shocked you've managed to keep it to yourself for so long."
"Right ?" James exclaims loudly and is suddenly very thankful that Remus put up that silencing charm. An incredulous laugh spills past his lips. "I've been dying to tell someone about him for ages, but... you know, his parents... If his mother found out, she'd-"
Remus nods in understanding. "What's Regulus going to do about the whole Scarlett thing?"
"Honestly, I'm not one-hundred percent sure. I know Reg won't marry her and she feels the same. He's hoping that when he's Lord Black, and once he and Scarlett break it off, he won't have to marry the next person his mother throws at him." James runs a hand through his hair. "Merlin, it all sounds so crazy when I say it out loud. My secret boyfriend is engaged to a girl." He shakes his head.
"And I thought my love life was complicated." Remus snorts when James sends him a flat look. "I meant what I said last night, I won't tell anyone."
"Thanks, Moony," James smiles.
When James walks into the Potions classroom an hour later, he finds Regulus at their regular table beside Pandora and Lily. Regulus' eyes fall on him instantly, he looks a bit like an animal that's been trapped. Something akin to fear reflecting in the pools of his eyes.
James slides onto his stool and leans into Regulus' space as subtly as he can. "Remus isn't going to tell anyone."
"How can you be sure?" Regulus whispers back, voice sharp.
"Because I trust him," James says, tone soothing. "You said the same last night, that you trust him."
"I do," Regulus agrees.
"Then, there shouldn't be a problem," James shrugs, pulling away slightly. Slughorn hasn't arrived yet, though the club isn't technically supposed to start for another five minutes, so James blames his absence on that. "So, you're friends with Remus?"
"Yes," Regulus says with no sign of an elaboration.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me," James whines. "This is like the best news I've gotten all year."
Regulus chuckles quietly. "We sort of made an agreement not to tell you because we knew you would get all dramatic about it."
"How did it even happen?"
"Well, I found out about Remus' furry, little secret," Regulus lowers his voice and raises his eyebrow. James' eyes widen. "I guess knowing someone's deepest secrets makes becoming their friend sort of inevitable. I'm surprised you didn't pick up on it earlier. Where else do you think I got my new smoking habit from?"
James' mouth falls open. "I can't believe you've known about Remus for all these months and you never thought to tell me."
"I like seeing you make up your little fibs about why you can't meet up with me during those nights," Regulus smirks and shrugs with one shoulder. "By the way, why don't you show up on full moons? It's not like you're the one-"
"It's a secret," James confesses before pressing his lips together. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you."
"Why not?" Regulus frowns.
"Because it's not just my secret to share." He sighs and runs a hand down his face. "I swear I would tell you what it is if I could, but I can't."
"That's fine," Regulus says, sounding truthful. James thought he would be more upset about this. "If you won't tell me, I'll just figure it out for myself. I did that with Remus, I can do that with this, too."
"Go for it, darling," James smirks arrogantly. "Try your very hardest, but good luck. You'll never figure it out."
"Is that a challenge, Potter?" Regulus narrows his eyes, a gleam of mischief in his eyes. James can see the glint of a golden chain hanging beneath Regulus' collar - a small part of James for him to carry everywhere he goes.
"Yes it is. What are you going to do about it, Black ?" James teases.
"Game on, then," Regulus says before turning to the front of the classroom where Slughorn has just bustled in. He gives James and Regulus his widest grin, his nose scrunching slightly, before moving onto fawn over his other favourite students.
James feels as Regulus' pinkie lightly touches his on the table top. Neither of them pull away. James' heart thumps loudly in his chest.
IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou
Saturday - 27th March, 1976
James wakes to the sound of snickering just behind his bed curtains, a glimmer of sunlight shimmering through the red drapes, causing a warm glow to reflect on his crimson sheets. It takes his brain a moment to catch up to what day it is.
He turns sixteen today.
Almost silent laughter rumbles somewhere just beyond his curtains again and he grins to himself, recognising it as Sirius' mischievous snigger. He doesn't move, nor does he make a sound, as he waits for the attack he already knows is coming.
Another minute of whispered voices, his bed curtains swaying slightly. He closes his eyes and pretends he's asleep when someone pushes his curtains back. Someone leans down beside his head, breathing slowly beside his ear. He thinks it's Sirius.
"James," Sirius whispers right into his ear canal.
James flinches back and then turns to look at him with wide eyes. "That tickles . Why is your breath so warm? Merlin."
Sirius leans back with a disappointed set to his eyebrows. "You were already awake."
James sits up slightly, leaning back on his elbows and noticing Remus, Peter and Frank standing just behind Sirius. "Yeah, I heard you giggling away before. If you're trying to surprise a guy in bed, you might want to be a bit quieter about it."
Sirius smirks. "Oh, yeah, Potter?" He drops down onto James' bed, sitting close to his head. He cups James' jaw and says, "Is this you telling me you want me to surprise you in bed more often?"
James snorts, his eyes moving to land on Remus. He looks back at Sirius and raises an eyebrow. "If you're going to be surprising any guy in bed, it shouldn't be me."
Peter lets out a startled laugh and then coughs to cover it up when Remus glares at him.
"Aw, but you're my favourite, Jamie," Sirius coos, patting James' cheek before hopping up off the bed. In the background, he hears Peter murmur something like I thought I was your favourite, but he doesn't quite catch all of it as Sirius starts ordering him up and out of bed.
"What time is it?" James asks as he reaches for his glasses.
"Just before eight," Frank replies, pulling the curtain open a bit further, making it easier for James to slide out of bed. He sends him a thankful smile.
"What, and you managed to get Remus and Pete out of bed? On a Saturday?" James widens his eyes dramatically. "Damn, you both must really love me. I'm touched."
Remus sniffs. "I'm going back to bed." He turns to leave, but relents and stays when James chuckles and tells him he's joking.
They get ready for the day, the boys allowing James to have the first shower of the morning, which means he'll get the best water pressure. They already decided they would do presents later, when they get to Hogsmeade. James is so happy that his birthday managed to land on a Hogsmeade day.
When they get down to the common room an hour later, James is bombarded by the girls, who each launch themselves at him, squeezing him into a hug that feels more like a wrestling match. Marlene punches him on the arm seventeen times - sixteen for his age, and one for luck. Mary ruffles his already untidy hair, and Lily loops her arm through his as they make their way towards the portrait hole.
At breakfast, he is surprised when Xeno and Pandora come over to give him a group present from all of the Ravenclaw fifth years. He almost gasps when he finds out it's a travel-sized potions bench; something he can carry around with him wherever he wants. It's got ingredients and equipment included, and it's not even the one for beginners - it's official and everything.
A bigger shock is when Dorcas makes her way over to the table to wish him a happy birthday. James has been avoiding her eyes ever since Regulus confessed that Dorcas knew about their relationship. When he meets her eyes now, she smirks and bumps shoulders with him, which he takes as her approval.
A couple of days ago, when James had his Healer's Course, he received small presents from Florence, Josephine, and Cassian. He hadn't expected any, but was grateful when he was graced with them. Cassian - a sixth year Ravenclaw in his Healer's class who James has become friends with over the months - got him Cordelia McLaggen's newest book, Healing Potions: Extended and Obscure Properties. Something James had his eye on ever since it was first published in January.
Florence and Josephine had gotten him new quills and a fresh, leather strap for his school bag, because his had been on it's last leg for a while. Even repairing charms weren't working to fix it anymore.
They make it to Hogsmeade just in time for lunch, where they end up in The Three Broomsticks. They bump into Slughorn whilst they're searching for a table - the pub is crowded at this time in the day, what with all the students about - who wishes James a happy birthday and sneakily offers to buy him a drink so long as he doesn't tell any of the other professors. James chuckles nervously before declining the offer, unsure if it's a trap or not.
Luckily, they find an empty table right at the back of the pub. James squeezes into one side of the booth, along with Sirius, Remus and Lily, whilst Peter, Marlene, Azalia and Mary sit on the opposite side. Frank and Alice were with them when they arrived, but they have since left as Alice needs to pay a visit to one of the bookstores and Frank offered to accompany her.
"Drinks are on me," James announces to them before passing his pouch of galleons to Mary and Azalia, who both offered to go and retrieve the drinks.
"No, mate, it's your birthday," Sirius says, snatching the pouch from Mary's enthusiastic grasp. He tosses it back over to James. "You can't pay for everyone."
"But... I want to."
"Tough luck, Prongs. We're all buying your drinks today," Peter declares from across the table. "Consider it a present."
James doesn't argue as Azalia and Mary leave the booth to go and retrieve the drinks without his money. He knows how stubborn all of his friends are about things like this. James would be the same if it were one of their birthdays.
The beginning of the afternoon is spent in the pub, they order food and get a couple rounds of butterbeer in, and James opens his birthday presents, before they head off into the streets. They go to Honeydukes first, followed by Zonko's, and then the Quidditch supply shop. James notices once they've left that last one that his friends are taking him to all of his favourite shops, but he doesn't comment on it, knowing they think they're all being sneaky about it.
Afterwards, they get some ice cream from the small Florean Fortescue's cart on the edge of the street. They walk along the cobblestone road as they eat their ice creams, finally making their way back to the castle now. They found Frank and Alice in the Quidditch supply shop before, so they are all together now. Alice got them all a discount on the ice cream because it's her uncle who owns the proper shop in Diagon Alley.
James is halfway through his double scoop of raspberry ripple when he spots Regulus making his way out of an apothecary, Pandora and Scarlett are with him. Pandora notices James and his friends first, calling out to them and waving excitedly before making her way over to them. James can't help but grin as Regulus - and Scarlett - follows behind her.
Thankfully, Sirius keeps his comments about Regulus to himself. Actually, thinking about it, Sirius hasn't bothered Regulus at all since they returned home for Christmas, not as far as James is aware anyway. He wonders if it's because Sirius is trying to be mature, or if it's for some other reason.
"Enjoying your birthday?" Pandora asks him as she comes up beside him, squeezing her way between James and Lily.
"Yeah," James says, eyes never straying from Regulus as he speaks. "It's been great so far."
Regulus finally looks his way, his eyes blank and careless, a mask. He reaches up and presses his hand to his chest briefly, to his necklace, and James feels as it triggers his magic to rumble beneath his skin, sizzling in his bloodstream. He grins and then turns to look at Pandora so that he isn't caught staring by any of his friends - especially Sirius.
They make an odd sort of group as they walk up to the castle together. Regulus and Scarlett remain side-by-side, but there's enough distance between them that James doesn't get that horribly tight feeling of jealousy he normally does when he notices them together. They walk beside Lily, who instantly pulls the two Slytherins into conversation. James can't quite make out the words Regulus is saying from where he's standing, but he can hear the low rumble of his voice, and it's enough to send a thrill through James' chest.
Mary comes up to James' other side, Pandora still on his left. Mary glances at Regulus and Scarlett and frowns before looking at James.
"Since when is Lily friends with them?" She questions, sounding suspicious.
"Dunno," James shrugs, dropping his eyes to the floor. The weather is colder out in the village than it is at the castle. "They probably know each other because they have rounds together."
"Yes, and Lily is friendly with everyone," Pandora chimes in, smiling serenely. "She's sweet like that."
"I guess," Mary frowns, her eyes still on the Slytherins. "I didn't think Stark spoke to Gryffindors."
"Scarlett?" James asks. Mary nods. "I worked with her in Potions last year. She's alright, not as bad as most of the Slytherins." He turns to Pandora and winces. "No offence, sorry, I know she's your friend."
Pandora snorts and pats his arm gently. "Don't worry, James. I understand."
James feels himself blush, because Pandora really does understand.
Pandora turns to look at Mary again. "Scarlett is very lovely, Mary. You just have to give her a chance, she can be a bit shy sometimes, even if she is too proud to admit it."
"Right," Mary nods, looking uninterested.
As they make it back to the castle's grounds, Regulus splits off from the group, making some whispered excuse to Scarlett before walking off towards the Quidditch pitch. Or, at least, that's where James assumes he's going, as the only other place he could be going in that direction is the forest.
By the time the Gryffindors make it back to their common room - Pandora and Scarlett went to the dungeons when they arrived back at the castle - Sirius is nowhere to be seen. James assumes he went off to find Xeno or Astro - he's been hanging out with them a lot since the news announced to the whole of Wizarding Britain that Astro is a Black. James had been very shocked by the announcement, completely taken aback by it. He's spoken to Regulus about it since, and discovered that Regulus was just as surprised as he was by the revelation.
He spends the rest of the afternoon in front of the fireplace with Lily, Remus, Mary and Peter, playing games of chess and gobstones until dinner.
When James meets Regulus outside of Gryffindor Tower, his hand is instantly grasped and pulled at by the other boy, who doesn't even say hello to him before he's dragging James across the corridor.
"I love how eager you are to see me sometimes," James says, grinning. Regulus glances back at him with a jokingly unimpressed look that James wants to kiss.
I love you.
When they make it to the wall where the Room of Requirement will appear, Regulus tells James to ask it for whatever he wants. James stands there for a moment and thinks about it, but, really, there's only one answer.
Once he's finished pacing, and the door has appeared, he doesn't hesitate before heading inside. Regulus follows him, never too far away from him.
"James, you were supposed to pick something you wanted," Regulus tells him, raising an eyebrow as he glances at the desolate museum around them. They haven't visited it in weeks, and James has missed it.
"I did," James smiles, grabbing Regulus' hand and linking their fingers together. "This is where I want to be. I want you to show me a part of the museum I've never seen before."
Regulus takes a second to think about this, but then he nods and a sly smirk curls it's way onto his lips. "Okay, come on." He tugs lightly on James' hand and James lets himself be led through the silent halls, past history and art as old as time.
When they finally come to a stop, it is in a room of red walls, paintings decorating every single one of them, hanging in golden-gilded frames. There are a couple of glass cases with ancient pottery and chipped statues on display, but Regulus pulls James past those and towards something much grander.
He is surprised when he realises there's a piano settled in the middle of the room, it's on a slightly raised platform, made of the same dark wood as the floor. The piano itself is a wonderful sight to behold, made of mahogany and patterned with delicate flowers that have been painted using light colours that stand out beautifully against the dark wood of the piano lid.
James runs his hands gently against the keys and doesn't miss the way Regulus inhales sharply. He turns to look at him and finds a troubled expression on his face.
"Was I not supposed to touch it?" James steps back. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be silly," Regulus says. "It's fine, James. I just- I haven't ever touched it myself before."
James tilts his head curiously. "Why not?"
"I didn't want to ruin it," Regulus admits. James doesn't understand what he could mean by that, but Regulus doesn't look like he's ready to offer up an explanation, so he moves on.
"We should play something on it," James says, running his hand along it's shiny surface. "You won't ruin it, and even if you happen to scratch it or something, it's just a creation of the room. We can fix it, or ask the room to fix it. Come here," he gestures with a tilt of his head and Regulus steps forward as if drawn in by James himself.
They sit down on the piano bench, their thighs pressed close together. James lets his fingers hover gently over the keys, trying to remember any melody he's learnt over the years, one Regulus would surely know. He grins to himself as he remembers the Secret Santa present Pandora gifted him the year before.
"Here's one you'll know," James murmurs before pressing delicately down on the keys.
Blackbird by Paul McCartney and John Lennon hums through the room, sounding like trickling water, or the calm flow of river water.
As James gets to the main melody, Regulus starts playing the left-hand chords, a gentle smile falling over his lips as he and James' fingers dance along the keyboard, synchronised, a perfect duet. James feels his heart pound heavily, erratically, in his chest as they play together. The music bounces off the museum's walls loudly, only sounding better when it echoes a second time.
James lets his fingers fly as he turns to look at Regulus, who is staring down at the piano with a look of deep concentration on his face, a small crease between his eyebrows. He seems to be in his own little world, unaware of James watching him.
I love you.
As the song comes to an end, Regulus inhales slowly and turns to look at James. His eyes widen discreetly when he realises James had been staring at him, and a faint dusting of pink ghosts over his cheekbones prettily.
I love you.
Regulus looks up at him with bright eyes, blue like a Patronus, glowing under the dim light cast over the room. His bottom lip has drifted slowly away from his top one, his mouth slightly ajar as he watches James right back. There are freckles on his nose, darker from the spring sunshine that has graced them over the last couple of weeks. A curl of his ebony hair is hanging over his eye, getting caught in his eyelashes, and James wants to brush it away.
I love you.
Their thighs are still touching, causing James' mind to simultaneously stir with a million different thoughts and still, empty, full of nothing but Regulus.
I love you.
Regulus slides his hand along the keys of the piano until it knocks against James', linking their pinkies, something like a promise.
I love you.
"James, I-"
"I love you."
Regulus blinks.
James doesn't even realise he's said it out loud, not at first, not until Regulus drags his hand away from James', his eyes widening. It hits James so suddenly, like a blow from a Bludger, what he's just done. He doesn't want to take it back, because he means it, Merlin does he mean it, but he wishes he had waited. Just a bit longer. Then, maybe, Regulus wouldn't be staring at him with a look close to horror on his face.
"Wait," James says breathlessly. Panic shoots down his spine and settles in his gut, an ominous thing that makes him feel like he wants to wriggle out of his skin. Regulus is still just staring at him, horrified or shocked or panicked, James has no idea.
James flinches involuntarily and his leg starts to bounce beneath the piano. He feels as his breaths start to come out shorter. He hopes he isn't having a panic attack, because this just isn't the time. Like, at all.
He glances away from Regulus, down at his own hand, sitting lonely atop of the ivory keys-
Regulus surprises him by reaching up a hand to cup James' cheek, tilting his head so that he's facing him again. Before James can decipher the expression on Regulus' face, Regulus slides his hand from James' cheek and into his hair, and then he's pulling James towards him so swiftly that he barely has time to open his mouth as Regulus kisses him.
It's fierce, but it's soft. It's almost desperate, yet it's slow.
Regulus rests his other hand on James' shoulder before climbing forward, climbing into James' lap, straddling him. James' hands drop naturally onto Regulus' hips, a place they are very familiar with by now.
When Regulus pulls back, he presses his forehead against James', their eyes meeting.
"I..." He starts and then a frustrated expression makes it's way over his face. "I don't want you to think I don't feel the same," Regulus begins, hand tenderly scratching James' scalp. "But I can't- I don't... It isn't as easy for me as it is for you. I don't know how to-"
"Hey, no, it's okay," James says softly, reaching one hand up to cup Regulus' face. "It's okay," he repeats. "You don't have to say it back now, or ever if you can't. I know, okay? Don't feel pressured to, and don't push yourself outside of your comfort zone just to satiate me. We have time," James whispers, knocking their noses together.
Something flickers across Regulus' face, confliction. When he meets James' eyes again, he nods. "Alright," quiet, unsure. He drops a small peck onto James' mouth.
"This is enough," James assures him, stroking his cheek. "It's enough."
Regulus kisses him again, this time it's searing. He doesn't waste any time being patient or soft, he kisses James like a man starved, like it's the first time they have touched in years. James grips Regulus' hips firmly again, feeling his warm skin through his shirt.
Regulus' hand that had been resting on James' shoulder travels slowly down James' chest, over his stomach, causing James to shiver. When he reaches the hem of James' t-shirt, he slides his hand beneath it before slowly dragging it up the bare skin of James' stomach. It's both more and less than they have ever touched before. It causes James' skin to light on fire, Regulus' fingers like little fireflies dancing across his surface.
Before he can get used to the new sensation, Regulus grinds his hips down against James'. They both let out small gasps, and James takes it as an opportunity to dip his tongue into Regulus' mouth. He licks a loving line across Regulus' bottom lip before pressing it into Regulus' mouth, against the other boy's tongue. As Regulus continues to move against James, the kisses become sloppier, messier, warmer. It's all teeth and tongue, and Regulus' hand still under his shirt, the light press of his nails against James' skin, making his head spin.
Just before James feels that high they are both chasing, the one that makes him want to remain this close to Regulus for the rest of eternity, Regulus pulls away from their kiss.
"Say it again," he groans.
"Hm?" James' mind is too overtaken with pleasure to understand what Regulus means.
"What you told me before, say it again," Regulus practically begs, his nails digging deeper, scratching down James' torso.
"I love you," James repeats, voice strained. Regulus' mouth drops open and his eyes roll slightly in his head. James follows right after him, unable to stop the noise that tugs out of him.
When they both stop moving against each other - Regulus' hand is still pressed warm against James' stomach - James presses his face into the crook of Regulus' neck and starts pressing slow kisses against the small smattering of moles he has there.
Regulus makes a small noise in his throat before cupping James' face and bringing it up so that they can look at each other. He kisses James once on the lips and then trails a line of them down James' jaw, his neck. He nips James' jugular before sucking it briefly, his tongue overlapping the skin, soothing it.
James reaches for his wand and mutters a cleaning spell for the both of them.
"I have a present for you," Regulus whispers, mouth right by James' ear.
When he passes it to James, he doesn't hesitate before unwrapping it. The present isn't as special and personal as the one Regulus gave to James on Valentine's Day was, but he doesn't think any present he receives from anyone ever will be. It's a small bottle of cologne that Regulus tells him is supposed to make the wearer less nervous and more relaxed.
"You can wear it when we do our O.W.Ls," Regulus suggests, now sitting next to James on the piano bench.
James is reminded of the present Regulus got him for his birthday last year; the calming potion that was rarer than any James had ever possessed before. He had used it during his fourth year end-of-years to help him settle a bit. It had also helped with the fact that James is a naturally anxious person.
James thanks him and they spend the rest of the night wandering the museum and playing a couple of songs on the piano.
When Regulus drops James off outside of Gryffindor Tower, they share a brief kiss, not wanting to be caught by any students that might be out of bed - or Filch. Then, before they part completely, James whispers, "I love you, Reg."
Regulus smiles softly at him and does a little twirl as he turns towards the stairs. James goes to bed grinning.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Sirius motherfucking Tonks ahhhh I want one, Remus is so lucky
- wolfstar are getting awfully close nowadays 😏
- I have been WAITING to show you guys Hufflepuff's room for AGES. that's three out of four for James.
- well... that happened. sooo Remus now definitely knows about jegulus :) not gonna lie, that part reminded me of when Phoebe in FRIENDS sees Chandler and Monica doing it through a window
- the whole "what are you going to do about it?" and "game on" part happened back in ch13 - I wanted to bring it back :))
- James just did something... to be fair, I'm surprised he didn't tell Regulus he loved him sooner. he did well.
- You all need to understand the importance of James telling Reg that "it's enough" because my hc is that Regulus believes he is never enough - similar to how James believes he is too much.
- I know you guys really want wolfstar, but the jegulus is making up for the wait, right? right? :DI'm so excited for the next few chapters! You lot aren't ready. See you next week :)
-Rue
Chapter 69: Fifth Year: Cursed Scars and Secret Words
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-two characters get into a fight
-brief mention of a dog that has passed away
-brief mention of a sick parent
-child abuse scars
-death threat (idk if this needs to be a warning, but I'm gonna add it just in case)
-friendship angstLemme know if I forgot anything :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sometimes people come into your
life
to show you what is right and
what is
wrong, to show you who
you can be
~ Emery Allen
Sunday - 28th March, 1976
Regulus
James loves him.
James loves him, he told him, and Regulus couldn't even say it back. Sometimes he wonders just how many things his mother can still ruin for him.
Regulus has always struggled with this sort of thing, but he's found that it's always worse when it concerns James. Regulus cares about James so much that he doesn't know what to do with himself. He doesn't know how to even begin to understand his own feelings, let alone express them to someone else. He's overwhelmed everyday with how much he feels, how much he loves, because - yes, he does love James.
Of course he does. He would be a fool not to.
Regulus has loved James for years - back when they were friends, and maybe even before that. He's been sure of that for months now, but it wasn't until last night, wasn't until James was saying it out loud, a confession meant only for him, that Regulus realised he's fallen in love with James. And what a horribly terrifying thing that was to realise. Because being in love means commitment, proper commitment, which means expecting to have a future together.
Regulus usually tries not to think about the future. Not only because he knows there's a dark path ahead of him, but also because he's always known that there's a high chance James won't be a part of it. As long as Regulus is the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, he will never be allowed to be with James properly. His mother would kill James before they even got the chance to plan a future together.
This is why he doesn't like to think about it, because the thought of losing James... No. He can't even think about it - the mere thought drives him up the walls with madness.
He never planned to fall in love, especially not with James. But he has, and now he can't see a way out. He doesn't want there to be a way out. He loves James and it might just destroy him, but at least he felt it. At least he got the chance to experience love and be loved back, not everyone is that lucky.
So, yeah, Regulus loves James, too. But there's a difference in feeling it and saying it out loud. If he says it out loud, if he even whispers it, everything could come crashing down around him. He can't let that happen, can't let James be caught in the middle of it all and be hit by the rubble.
Instead of focusing on the future, Regulus decides to forget about everything that's coming and directs his attention to the day before him.
He's got Potions Club with James, since it's a Sunday. Regulus is extremely nervous to see him after everything that happened last night. Not just the 'I love you', but also the other thing. He and James have become more physical ever since February, and Regulus isn't sure how to tell James that he is very okay with it. The thought of having that conversation makes his stomach clench uncomfortably.
Regulus steps out of the common room with Pandora and Dorcas at his sides - Barty, Evan and Scarlett are all still asleep. He doesn't notice it at first when someone tries to catch his attention, his thoughts too busy running rampant in his head. Then, Pandora nudges him and he turns to her with furrowed eyebrows.
"What?" He asks lightly.
Pandora doesn't respond. Instead, she raises her eyebrow and gestures with a subtle flick of her head towards an alcove a little ways down the corridor. Regulus frowns and glances over, not understanding at first what Pandora could be going on about, but then he catches a glimpse of dark hair and realises what's happening.
"Distract Dorcas, would you?" He whispers and Pandora nods before looping her arm through Dorcas' and pulling her in the direction of the Great Hall. Regulus falls back and waits until the girls have turned the corner before slipping into the alcove.
"James, what are you doing?"
James, who has a hand held against his neck, glances up and down the corridor before replying.
"I woke up this morning and my dormmates saw this," James says in a strained voice, dropping his hand and tilting his head up to show Regulus his neck. There, just below his jaw, very high above the collar of his shirt, is a bright, purple bruise.
"Holy shit," Regulus' eyes widen. He shakes his head, still staring at it. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine, it's not that... but they all saw it. That means they know I'm sneaking around with someone," James whispers worriedly. "We're going to have to be much more careful when we meet up now."
"Can't you just lie and say you got it from some random person?" Regulus asks. As soon as he's voiced the suggestion, his face scrunches up in disgust. The thought of James being with anyone else is just wrong, and not okay at all.
"You don't seem so sure about that idea," James notes, eyeing him knowingly.
"Well, I don't want people thinking you're sneaking around with some girl," Regulus huffs, crossing his arms.
"I could be sneaking around with some boy," James retorts, folding his own arms.
Regulus raises an eyebrow. "Please, people probably think you're as straight as a cane." When James starts to protest, Regulus gestures to him. "You're a jock."
"So are you," James points out.
"Yeah, but you're a popular jock, and you're conventionally attractive," Regulus mumbles, staring down at his feet. He can practically feel James watching him, a smirk likely in place on that pretty face of his.
"Oh, conventionally attractive?" James steps closer, causing Regulus to look up at him. "Are you saying you think I'm hot, Reg?"
Regulus stares at him blankly. "You're an idiot if you think I'm going to say those words aloud."
"You thinking them is enough for me, love," James responds, not seeming to notice the way that new name affects Regulus. James leans forward, cupping Regulus' jaw, and kisses him. "Do you really want me to pretend I've been sneaking around with someone?"
Regulus sighs and leans away from James slightly. "I don't know. If you think it will help to cover our tracks, then I suppose I'm fine with it. I don't want people like Tonks finding out about us. Not yet, anyway." Regulus almost smiles at the image of Sirius finding out about them - he would likely be horrified.
"If they ask, I'll say it's nothing serious right now, so I don't want to talk about it yet," James decides.
"Nothing serious?" Regulus snorts.
"It's a lie, Reg," James reaches out and links their pinkies together. "We should probably get going now. Breakfast is almost over."
"Yeah," Regulus agrees, but neither of them move.
"I love you," James whispers, bending to press a swift kiss to Regulus' cheek before leaving the alcove. Regulus follows him not five seconds later, heart pounding in his chest. It takes him a moment to realise they aren't alone.
They hadn't been entirely obscured in that alcove, but there was a tapestry draped over most of it, so he assumed they wouldn't be found. However, when his eyes drift upwards now and he finds James frozen just outside the exit, he stops.
Dorcas and Pandora, who is staring at Regulus with an apologetic grimace, are looking at both him and James. Dorcas has her arms crossed, her eyebrows are raised almost to her hairline.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here," she declares dramatically.
James looks ready to piss himself, whilst Regulus just rolls his eyes at Dorcas' hysterics.
"Dorcas," he warns, sending her a look that tells her not to make James any more uncomfortable than he obviously already is.
"Sorry, I just wanted to tease you," she says, holding up her hands in defence. "No offence, James. It isn't because you're you- you're fine, it's because Reggie here has always been the biggest Gryffindor hater of all, and now look at him. I think he's finally maturing," she adds in a conspiratorial whisper towards James, who snorts. Regulus glares at him, and James quickly clears his throat and drops his gaze to the floor.
"Alright, fine, I'm a hypocrite," Regulus shrugs. "Are you done now?"
Dorcas grins. "Yeah, I'm done," she says slowly. "It's just fun to mess with you guys. Especially when-" she turns to James and stops, eyes narrowing, head tilting. A second later, she gasps, her face positively lighting up, and Regulus instantly knows she's spotted the hickey on James' neck.
"Regulus Arcturus Black-"
"Don't," he groans, fully considering returning to the alcove.
"I mean, I knew you were a sneaky little bastard, but I didn't know you were-"
"That enthusiastic," Pandora finishes for her. Regulus sends her a betrayed look.
James only just notices what they're on about, as his eyes widen and he slaps his hand to his neck.
"You know there are spells to cover that, if you'd like?" Pandora offers, glancing at James sympathetically.
"I know," James mumbles, eyes shifting around the corridor.
Dorcas laughs loudly, and Regulus is surprised they haven't attracted anyone's attention yet. "I bet he wants to keep it."
"Honestly, Dorcas," Pandora shakes her head and steps towards James. She pulls out her wand and gently asks for him to let her see it. She casts a spell on his neck; a second later, the bruise is gone.
"You got rid of it," James frowns.
"No, but I've concealed it temporarily, so you won't have to deal with the whole school's nosy stares," Pandora tells him with a kind smile.
"Oh, thanks," James beams at her.
"Can we go to breakfast now? Preferably before anyone catches us all having a chat in the corridor," Regulus intones, trying to remind the other three of how weird this scene would be were someone to turn around the corner and find them.
"Yeah, we can go," Dorcas nods. "But first..."
Regulus groans again.
"You're going to treat him right, got it?" She points at James, narrowing her eyes in a way that Regulus thinks is supposed to be intimidating, but really only makes it look like she swallowed something sour.
"Always," James answers honestly.
"Great," Dorcas grins, looping her arm through James' and dragging him down the corridor towards the hall.
"Dorcas, what are you doing?" Regulus calls after her.
"Going to get breakfast with James," she yells over her shoulder. "Or did you forget? Some of us are actually friends with the Gryffindors, hypocrite."
With one more smirk towards him, Dorcas turns around the corner, James in tow, and falls out of sight. Regulus sighs and looks at Pandora tiredly.
"Well, that was a delightful start to my morning," Regulus says sarcastically.
"At least you won't need any caffeine to wake yourself up now," Pandora chuckles and Regulus can't help but laugh, too. Pandora loops her arm through his, just as Dorcas had done with James only moments before, and, together, they walk to the hall.
Tuesday - 6th April, 1976
At breakfast, Slug Club members all around the hall receive invitations to Slughorn's end of year dinner party, which will take place on the sixteenth of May this year. Just after their O.W.L exams finish. It's less than three weeks now until their exams, it's all Regulus has been able to think about ever since March gave way to April.
Scarlett has had him studying in the library during every free period they have together, and every single day after classes are over. Regulus would be annoyed by her constant insistence that they revise were he not as stressed about the exams as she is. The consistent studying has made him feel a bit more confident about the subjects he struggles with - like Transfiguration and Divination.
He's hardly had any time to think about anything else. During his and James' nightly meet-ups, they usually spend their hours together in the Room of Requirement revising. They haven't been able to even think about them for days now.
The invitation from Slughorn reminds Regulus of last year's end of year dinner party and how that had gone. It was the night he chased James to the Astronomy Tower, the night he finally let himself choose something for himself. The memory warms his chest fondly and he finds his eyes jumping across the room towards the Gryffindor table. James and Marlene McKinnon are currently having some sort of swordfight with their butter knives.
Sometimes Regulus can't help but notice how different he and his boyfriend truly are.
"Are you allowed to bring plus ones to this one?" Evan asks, head craned over Regulus' shoulder so that he can read the invitation.
"No," Barty responds, balling up the invitation and stuffing it into his pocket carelessly. "Slughorn wants it to be just Slug Club members as it's the last gathering of the year."
"Of course he does," Dorcas grumbles, playing slowly with her cereal. She's been in a dull mood ever since Marlene McKinnon tripped her in the corridor yesterday in front of half the school. Regulus didn't say this to Dorcas' face, but he's pretty sure it was an accident. From what he saw, McKinnon wasn't looking where she was going, and she's always been a bit of a clumsy person. Dorcas just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and McKinnon just so happened to knock over the one person in the castle who hated her the most.
It's in Herbology, which they have first period, that Dorcas finally snaps.
Regulus and James are busy tending to their sunflower, Dorcas sitting uncharacteristically silent on the stool beside them. She doesn't like Herbology on the best of days, but today she's already feeling down, so Regulus told her she didn't have to contribute much today if she didn't want to.
McKinnon - as well as the rest of her group, which consists of Tonks and one of the Hufflepuff girls - is working just to the right of them. It's where Sprout put them, and, until today, that decision hasn't led to anything catastrophic.
Regulus is too busy watching James' hands work deftly as he takes care of the sunflower's petals, and doesn't notice the argument starting between Dorcas and McKinnon until it's too late. One moment, he's watching James - the next, he's jumping towards Dorcas, who has Marlene's collar fisted in one of her hands, her wand raised and pointed right at McKinnon's face in her other.
McKinnon has one had wrapped around Dorcas' wrist, the one holding her collar, and the other wields her wand, which is stabbing into the bottom of Dorcas' chin.
Before they can even mutter an incantation, Regulus rushes forward, distantly noticing as Tonks does the exact same thing. He grabs Dorcas, who starts thrashing in his arms, trying to get back to McKinnon - to curse her or punch her, Regulus isn't sure. At the same time, Tonks wraps his arms around McKinnon's torso and starts trying to pull her away. The two boys struggle as the girls strive fiercely to get to one another, but Regulus and Sirius overpower them.
Professor Sprout dashes over, hands on her hips as she stares disapprovingly at the two girls. Dorcas gets a hold of herself first and finally stops scratching at Regulus' hands. Once he's sure she's settled, he slowly removes his arms from around her and sighs with relief when she doesn't immediately try to jump McKinnon again.
Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus watches as McKinnon is released from Tonks' grip. She sends Dorcas a nasty glare, who mirrors it just as furiously.
"-twenty points from each of you!" Sprout is yelling when Regulus tunes back into all the commotion.
Dorcas huffs and returns to her stool, whilst McKinnon rolls her eyes and moves to stand beside the Hufflepuff girl in her group, leaving Regulus and Sirius still standing opposite each other. Regulus sort of expects some sort of remark, maybe a disgusted look from the other boy. However, instead, shocking him almost to gaping, Sirius just meets his eye and nods amicably.
Regulus, not knowing what else to do, returns it before turning around and going back over to his spot beside James.
That afternoon, Regulus and his friends pay a visit to Hagrid. It's been a few weeks since they've seen him, what with how busy they have been with their upcoming O.W.Ls. When Hagrid opens the door and sees them, he looks ready to cry with happiness, leading them all inside enthusiastically. Barty instantly goes over to the armchair and picks up Floofy's old dog toy, holding it in his lap as a reminder of their lost, little friend. Barty always did love that dog the most.
Evan sits beside him, closer than he needs to, but no one mentions it. Regulus, Scarlett and Dorcas take seats at Hagrid's table bench, whilst Pandora helps Hagrid put some tea on.
They talk about anything but their exams, it's an unspoken agreement that this visit is a break for them, their first in ages. Hagrid asks those of them who are taking Care of Magical Creatures how those lessons are going. Hagrid always has had an affinity for magical creatures - Regulus knows he once had a pet acromantula. For what reason, he has no idea.
The topic soon moves onto the upcoming Quidditch match, which is on Saturday. It's the last of the year and it's against Gryffindor. Regulus had been surprised when he got named Captain at the beginning of the year, and then he had been excited when he found out James was also a Captain. Now, they'll be going head-to-head in the final game of the season, and Regulus can't wait. He's also so proud of his team for making it this far, especially with over half of them being new recruits from this year. Even Rabastan has improved since September, though not by very much.
Hagrid starts telling them about how he was in the forest the other day and he spotted a branch of bowtruckles. Barty and Pandora both lean forwards in their seats, a fascinated expression on their faces as Hagrid explains what happened next. Regulus' mind, however, wanders to Saturday when he was last in the forest visiting the dog. He had gotten a letter earlier that morning from his father that stated he would no longer be going into work at the Ministry, but would be working from home again. Just like he used to when he was really sick.
When Regulus made it to the forest after the trip to Hogsmeade, he found the dog and told him about his worries. About how the last time his father was this sick, he had worried every day that he wouldn't make it to see another Christmas. Regulus knows he can't think like that, especially not if his father is capable of getting better. But he can't help it. He has a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, an instinctive dread, but he hopes he's wrong. He hopes his father will, once again, make a miraculous recovery. He's done it before, he can do it again. Regulus just has to have faith.
Talking to the dog helps, it puts things into perspective for him and gives him an outlet for his bottled up emotions.
Regulus hasn't cried about it, not yet. He isn't sure if he even can.
There's definitely something wrong with him.
What sort of person can't even cry at the thought of losing their father forever? At the thought of their father dying?
Regulus wonders if he'll be able to cry if his father does die. And if he doesn't, what will that say about him?
Saturday - 10th April, 1976
Regulus' first thought when he steps out onto the Quidditch pitch, broom in hand, team streaming in behind him, is that he feels terribly warm. The sun is blazing in the sky above them, which isn't a good thing. It means squinting - a lot of it. Which means it will be more difficult for him to spot the Snitch.
The Gryffindor team is being led onto the opposite side of the pitch by James, who looks terribly good in his red Quidditch robes. Regulus keeps his gaze ahead instead, trying his very best not to get distracted. It's harder to do that when Hooch instructs them to shake hands.
James steps forward and holds out a gloved hand, long fingers extended. Those fingers were in Regulus' hair not seven hours ago.
When Regulus reaches up to shake James' hand, he finally looks at the other boy and finds him grinning. "Good luck. Try not to fly too fast, darling," he adds, winking.
Regulus' jaw tenses as he stares at James challengingly. "Bring it on, Potter." He drops his hand and mounts his broom, listening as James lets out a joyous laugh.
When the game kicks off and the commentary begins, Regulus is surprised to hear not only Xenophilius in his usual post, but Peter Pettigrew commentating the game with him. Apparently, people wanted him back. Regulus remembers his particularly colourful commentary of the Gryffindor's last Quidditch game.
Regulus definitely spends far too much time watching James, though it's pretty hard not to. The way James flies alone is enough to attract anyone's attention. He flies like it's his job to, like if he doesn't outdo everyone's expectations, then he'll die. Suddenly, Regulus finds himself thanking the warm sun as, not twenty minutes into the game, James' brow is glistening with a layer of sweat. And what a sight that is to behold.
He switches his focus over to his own Chasers, who are working in tandem- or, well, Evan and Mika are. Rabastan, on the other hand, has decided to take it upon himself to intercept passes between the other two. Like if the ball isn't passed to him or he doesn't score the goal, then it doesn't matter.
Regulus is so fucking glad he'll be gone next year. He's hardly spoken to Rabastan, outside of practices that is, since he showed Regulus his horrid Dark Mark. (That's what Regulus found out it was called. A tacky name, if you ask him.)
The first hour of the game passes relatively quickly. Regulus relies on Xenophilius and Pettigrew's commentary to let him know how his own team is doing, whilst he searches for the Snitch. He spots it a couple of times within the first forty minutes of the game, but knows he can't catch it yet, not with how many goals the Gryffindor's have gotten so far.
Regulus did the maths - he knows his team needs to get forty more points than Gryffindor in this game just for them to have enough points overall to win the Quidditch Cup.
Regulus hates to admit it, but as he watches Gryffindor's points soar upwards (thanks to James, he's sure), he realises the very real possibility that this may not be a Slytherin win. He watches as his team continues to miss goals as Rabastan continues to distract Evan and Mika, and feels irritation flare inside him.
He's going to kill Rabastan if they lose.
Two hours pass, then two and a half. By then, his team is eighty points behind Gryffindor, which is the best they've done all game, but it is still nowhere near ideal. Regulus is starting to feel exhausted by the heat and can tell that Gryffindor's Seeker - Azalia Edgecombe - is beginning to feel the same. He just knows the back of his neck is sunburnt, and his cheeks likely are, too.
Evan manages to score again, making them only seventy points behind Gryffindor. Regulus thinks about it and realises they aren't going to win this. Not even if he catches the Snitch. Not unless they manage to get eleven goals in and soon, because everyone on the pitch, Slytherins and Gryffindors alike, are starting to move slightly more sluggishly on their brooms due to the heat.
Much to his annoyance, Edgecombe starts zooming towards the bottom of the Slytherin goals, and Regulus realises why a split second later.
The Snitch is there, dazzling in the sun like a golden star.
Regulus races after Azalia, knowing that, if his team is going to lose, then they are going to lose with some amount of dignity. He's not going to allow his team to come behind by two-hundred and twenty points (plus the extra forty they would need to beat Gryffindor's total point score). So, as he speeds through the air, heart in his throat, eyes glued to the miniature, golden ball, he accepts the fact that his team won't be winning.
He isn't as disappointed as he thought he'd be.
Sure, Evan will be upset, and Regulus hates when that happens. Rabastan will probably throw a fit, but Regulus doesn't really care about that. And he'll have to see that little disappointed pout on Serena and Mika's faces, but it's okay. Because if Regulus doesn't get to win today, then he wants James to be able to.
Salazar, love is making him sappy.
As the Snitch comes into reach, Azalia not very far behind him, Regulus extends his hand and watches as his win slips through his fingers. Ironically, the Snitch doesn't slip through his fingers. Instead, he catches it perfectly, just as he always does.
Sure, they won the game, coming eight points ahead, but they didn't win the cup. They were still one-hundred and eleven points below Gryffindor's total.
Regulus holds up his hand with the Snitch in it and watches as the Gryffindor stands erupt with cheers. He swears he can hear them all chanting his name, "Black, Black, Black," like a mantra.
He flies to the ground and notices the moment James lands, not too far away from him actually. The entire Gryffindor team swoop down around him and start launching themselves at their Captain, who looks completely ecstatic. Regulus thinks it's worth the loss just to see the joy on James' face.
Their eyes meet across the green and James' smile becomes soft. He mouths the words, I love you, and Regulus presses his hand to his chest where his necklace sits. Smiling at the way James shivers.
"Please tell me you did not do that just to please Potter," Evan says as he comes up beside Regulus. He doesn't look as distraught as he did in second year when they didn't win, but he still looks disappointed.
"Of course not," Regulus shakes his head. "No matter what I feel for him, I would never do that to you." He nudges Evan's arm, earning a smile from the boy. "Come on, let's get off the pitch before the entire Gryffindor house swarms it."
As Regulus looks over at James again, he notices two adults by his side. He knows they're James' parents because he's seen them before. They come to basically every one of James' games. Regulus remembers that he once decided he hated them, merely because they cared. But now, he's just glad that James is loved just as much as he loves others. He watches as Mrs Potter cups her son's face and then presses a kiss to his forehead, and as Mister Potter ruffles his son's hair. He smiles softly to himself and leaves the pitch.
Regulus spends far too long in the shower.
Before he and Evan manage to get to the changing rooms, Rabastan find them and, as Regulus predicted, has a tantrum over how Regulus should have pushed Azalia off her broom rather than let her keep flying towards the Snitch. That way he could have waited until they got enough points and then he could have caught the Snitch.
Regulus doesn't even bother trying to explain why Rabastan is an idiot. Instead, he simply shrugs and says, "It is what it is," or something along those lines, and moves on. Serena and Mika find them and Regulus is expecting them to be disappointed, too. However, Mika just nods at him and tells him that they played honourably, even if they didn't win.
He notices Violetta on the other side of the pitch with Tonks and McKinnon, looking both annoyed at them for winning and proud. Regulus still doesn't quite understand how her friendship works with the Gryffindors, no matter how many times James explains it to him.
Barty catches up with Regulus and Evan just as they enter the changing rooms, not appearing too put-out by the end result. He mentions he sort of assumed it would end this way and says it's all Rabastan's fault.
Regulus hides in the shower, tells Evan and Barty not to wait for him. He's in there for half-an-hour, at least, hoping the warm water will wash away the feeling of let-down in his stomach. It doesn't, but he does feel less dismayed by it all as he steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around his waist.
The changing room is completely empty as he steps out into it. He doesn't bother trying to hide his back from view like he usually would when surrounded by his teammates, or those of another team. Instead, he walks over to his bag and starts unpacking his clothes.
He manages to get his boxers and trousers on before he feels the prickle of gooseflesh on the back of his neck. His back straightens and his ears perk up when he realises he isn't alone. The squeaking sound of footsteps, someone coming from the direction of the showers, almost makes him jump.
When he turns, he finds Sirius Tonks staring at him with wide eyes. Regulus might be crazy, but he swears he can see concern reflecting in Tonks' expression. It takes him a moment to distinguish why that could be, once he's gotten over the whole shock of it all.
His scars.
Sirius has seen his scars.
Of all the fucking people...
He has to resist the urge to yell at the other boy to look away or to cover up the scars still in his view. There are a couple that curl around his hip, there's the one on his collarbone, the one on his bicep. And then there are the ones on his back, but he doesn't know if Sirius saw those.
Neither of them talk and Regulus starts to feel uncomfortable in the silence.
Eventually, he speaks, if only to break the tension, "I though everyone was gone."
"I helped Hooch round up the Bludgers. It took a while," Tonks explains, tone blank in the same way Regulus' had been.
"Right," Regulus nods. He reaches for his shirt without turning around and slides it on over his head. Tonks is still standing in the same place, eyes now glued to his bag like he's trying to figure out how best to get there without having to get any closer to Regulus. "I'll be going then."
Regulus puts his bag on his shoulder and turns to head towards the door.
"Are they new?" Comes Tonks' voice from behind him. Regulus freezes in his tracks. He doesn't dare turn around, doesn't want to see amusement, or worse, pity, in the other boy's stare.
Regulus thinks about saying, That's none of your business, but they haven't had a fight since before Christmas. For whatever reason, Sirius has been restraining himself, and Regulus can't be bothered to anger the boy. It's so much more peaceful to exist in the same castle as him when they're ignoring each other. So, instead, he simply says, "No," and then leaves.
Sirius calls out his name, his first name, but Regulus ignores him, speeding up his footsteps.
***
Monday - 12th April, 1976
Sirius
The Easter holidays started yesterday, but most fifth years decided to stay in the castle for the break. Their exams are the day after they would return, so Sirius decides he would be less distracted at Hogwarts than he would be if he went home, and he really wants to do well in his O.W.Ls. He's hoping he can beat Remus at Charms and James at Potions, though he doubts it as those two are amazing at those subjects. Sirius is confident, at least, that he will crush everyone in Transfiguration.
Sirius had met up with Violetta in the library earlier so they could go over a few Muggle Studies topics that she was getting stuck on. They spent a couple hours there and then went down to visit the kitchen afterwards instead of going to the Great Hall for lunch.
That's where they are now.
They don't speak about the Quidditch match on Saturday, because Violetta's team lost, and as proud as Sirius is that Gryffindor won, he doesn't want to piss Violetta off. Instead, Violetta brings up a subject that is bound to piss Sirius off.
"Sirius, if I start talking about Nick, can you please promise not to say anything mean?" Violetta asks. She's playing with her salad like she's not hungry.
"I won't say anything mean," Sirius promises.
"I'm really worried about him," she admits in a rush, like she's been waiting weeks to tell someone. "He hasn't spoken to any of his friends for months now and- okay, I know they're not exactly nice people, but he's known them his whole life. And he's so lonely. He keeps saying that he's fine, but I don't think he is."
Sirius tries not to say anything that Violetta would consider mean, but it is difficult. After all, up until this year, Mulciber hasn't exactly treated Sirius and his friends with anything more than cruelty. But he can tell that this has been weighing heavy on Violetta's mind for a long time, so he plays nice - for her.
"Have you tried talking to him about it?"
"Yes, but he always changes the subject," she huffs, dropping her fork on the table. "I think, if he doesn't make up with the others by the time sixth year rolls around... I'm going to start sitting with him at the Slytherin table."
"Really?" Sirius frowns.
"I want to sit with you, too, but I know how you all feel about Nick."
"Pete would probably curse him the moment he sat down," Sirius nods, grimacing apologetically.
"Exactly." Violetta sighs and rests her forehead in her hands. "Before I resort to that though, I'm going to," she grimaces, "try and talk to Shania."
"Are you sure? She was horrible to you," Sirius says, feeling defensive at the mere thought of Shania being anywhere near Violetta. He knows they share a dormitory, but Violetta usually manages to evade her.
"Yes," she nods, lifting her head. "If that doesn't work, then I can try and reason with Avery - he's known Nick the longest. If I get Avery to talk to him, Wilkes will follow on."
As they continue to talk about Slytherins, Sirius' mind wanders back to Saturday when he ran into Regulus Black in the changing rooms after the match. Sirius had been shocked still when he noticed Black's back, how almost every inch of skin was scarred, worse than even Remus'. And the precision of the lines were haunting, constructed, deliberate.
Sirius instantly knew who was to blame - Regulus' horrible mother. He's heard enough about her during their forest meetings (not that Regulus knows it's Sirius he's been meeting up with for the last three months) to know that it must have been her.
The most confusing thing was the way concern overtook him, making him want to take a step forward to check on the other boy before him. As if they were friends. And then, there had been that fierce shiver of protectiveness that Sirius always experiences when he visits Regulus as Padfoot.
He'd thought it was just a dog instinct thing. Now, he doesn't know what to call it, or what's caused it.
Instead of dwelling on the feeling, he's decided to ignore it. Looking too closely at it will surely not do anyone any good, so he's just not going to look at it at all.
Once he and Violetta finish up with their lunch, she decides to go back to the dungeons to see if she can track down one of her old friends, whilst Sirius has plans to return to the library, this time to meet with Lily and James.
When he gets there, he spots his two friends sitting on a table by the window. James waves him over enthusiastically, looking much too happy about the prospect of studying for the next few hours. Lily, who is sitting to James' left, looks the complete opposite. Ruffled, is the word Sirius would use.
Her hair, which is being held up by her wand, is falling in her face. Every now and then, her hands darts out to tuck it behind her ears, only for it to fall in her face again seconds later. There's a smudge of ink on her chin and her fingers are stained black. She has books scattered and open all around her, in an order no one but her would understand. Her hands flutter around, flipping through the pages of different textbooks, flattening out her parchment, searching for her inkwell.
Sirius sits down opposite them and Lily shoots him a look that says, If you so much as touch one of my books, I will cut your hands off. He sends James a look of his own, and receives one back that says, Don't initiate contact or conversation, she's gone insane.
Nodding, Sirius starts unpacking his bag, careful not to disturb Lily's space as he lays his own textbooks out on the table. They have planned to go through Charms and Transfiguration together today. Once Lily is finished with her essay (which she is doing for extra credit for Merlin knows what reason), she settles a bit, but not enough for Sirius to not remain wary of her space.
They start off with Transfiguration, which Sirius is completely efficient in, so he mostly spends the next couple of hours quizzing James and Lily. Much to his surprise, James thrives at this subject a lot better than Lily does. Lily doesn't struggle with very much where magic is concerned, but this appears to be her weakness.
After a small panic attack on her end, and some soft and reassuring words on Sirius and James' end, they decide to have a short break. They remain in the library, not wanting to lose their table, also not wanting to have to pack all of their supplies away only to get it all out again in fifteen minutes. So, they spend a little while just talking about how the next moon - which is in two days - will go. They are going to return to the forest, just as they did the month prior.
It went very well last month - Sirius knew it would. He's just relieved Remus is letting them get Moony out of that horrid shack again. The wolf deserves to feel the grass beneath his paws and the cool evening air brush through his fur.
"The wards are still set in place from last month," Lily explains once she's chugged half a bottle of water, as if they've just been doing a workout. "They should stay up until the summer if we're lucky. We'll have to reinforce them when we return in September, though."
"That's fine," Sirius waves his hand through the air in a careless gesture. "Oh, and I've been thinking about it. Let's steer clear of Hufflepuff's room, just in case Moony thinks it's some new playpark or something. We don't want him making it all untidy."
"Good idea," James nods in agreement. "Right," he claps his hands together, "should we move onto Charms then?"
"Yes."
Sirius reaches into his bag for his Charms textbook, only to find that it isn't there. Shit, he probably left it in the dormitory.
"James, do you have a spare Charms book I can use?" He asks.
James nods and gestures to his pile of books beside him on the table. Sirius thanks him and starts sorting through the pile, in search for one that has the correct content in it. He finds a Muggle Studies and a Divination textbook, then something that looks like James took it from Godric's room, ancient and tattered. The next book on the pile, however, isn't a textbook at all.
From what Sirius can see, it's a notebook. There's an image of the sun on it, it's rays wiggling like wriggly worms. Sirius has never seen it before and he has no idea what James is doing with it. Maybe he picked it up in the common room or something by mistake?
Sirius grabs it - he sends a glance James' way, but the other boy is busy sifting through the pages of a Charms textbook to be paying Sirius any mind - and decides to open it. When he reaches the first page, he finds words scribble in James' untidy penmanship. So, it is James'.
He's about to close it, not wanting to intrude if it's something personal, like a diary. But then, he notices someone else's handwriting just below James'.
Usually, when one has a diary, it's only theirs, with only their writing inside.
Sirius doesn't even recognise the handwriting.
He doesn't really mean to, but he reads it.
I don't want to have to not see
you for two weeks over Christmas.
It's not fair.
I know, Sunshine. I don't either.
It better go fast - I don't want to have
to spend loads of time with my mother.
I wish I could just steal you away
Then you could spend Christmas with me!
I can imagine exactly how you'd be on
Christmas morning. All hyper and sugar-high.
It would be disastrous.
It would be fun, Starlight.
You're far too optimistic for your own good.
And you're my little pessimist. See? We balance
each other out perfectly.
You're an idiot.
I'm going to miss you, though.
Even though I'm an idiot?
Even then.
Sirius realises too late that the other person in this book must be the person who gave James that hickey back in March. He wonders how long this has been going on for, how long James has been keeping this person a secret from all of them.
He closes the book, not wanting to read anymore, knowing it's definitely private and he doesn't want to intrude any more than he already has.
Sirius places the book down onto the table and slides it forwards. James, who looks like he's finishing reading a sentence, slowly looks up at Sirius and then down at the book. His eyes widen and he reaches out with lightning-fast reflexes to snatch it up and stuff it into his bag.
"Where did you find that?" James hisses.
"In the pile," Sirius explains by pointing at the pile of textbooks. He crosses his arms and leans forward on the table, smirk in place. "So, who is this Starlight?"
"You read it?" James squeaks, turning pale in the matter of seconds.
"Only the first page by accident." Sort of by accident, he adds in his head. "Don't worry, I won't ask you any questions if you're not ready to confess yet, but clearly this is serious."
James chances a glance at Lily, who is now standing by a nearby bookshelf, scanning the row for something in particular. When he looks back at Sirius, his gaze is adamant, sharp and clear.
"I'm not ready to tell you who it, not yet," James admits. "Not because I don't trust you, or because I don't want you to know, I do. It's just, they can't have anyone knowing. It needs to stay a secret."
"Is it a boy?" Sirius asks.
"Sirius," James presses.
"Right, right, no questions," he raises his hands in surrender. "Sorry. I'm just curious to see who's got you acting all sappy."
James huffs. "As if you were any better when you were dating Jess."
"We were never sappy," Sirius says. James raises an eyebrow and stares at him pointedly. "Oh, whatever, that doesn't matter. So, you're in a relationship." It's not a question, it's a statement.
"...Yes," James confesses.
"Are you in love with them?" Sirius questions, not wanting to push, giving James the option to not answer if he doesn't want to.
"I am," James replies with caution, as if he's worried Sirius will blow up at the admittance.
"That's great," Sirius grins sincerely. James' hunched shoulders relax slightly and his strained expression softens.
"Really?"
"Of course, James. You deserve to be happy more than anyone else in the world," Sirius tells him. "Do they love you back?"
James falters, his mouth opening and then closing. "I'm not sure, but I think maybe? Sometimes it feels like they do. Even if they don't, that doesn't change the way I feel about them."
"I'm sure they do," Sirius assures him, reaching out a hand to place it on top of James'. "Anyone would be a fool not to love you, James Potter."
Thursday - 15th April, 1976
The moon was last night and went just as smoothly as the one from the month before did. They stayed with Remus in the shack until he woke up, not leaving until the last moment. Sirius had covered Remus with an old blanket he found in the shack and brushed his hair away from his sweaty forehead. He always looked so soft the mornings after a full, tired and satisfied, very unlike how he used to feel back before they all became Animagi to help him.
Remus is out of the hospital wing by lunch. Pomfrey releases him with her usual warning of, "If you find yourself feeling sick, you come right back to me, and if you don't, I'll have Mister Potter come and retrieve me himself." James never could say no to her, which always made Sirius and Peter laugh.
The four of them are on their way to the Great Hall, hoping to make it in time before lunch is over. If they don't, they'll probably just end up going to the kitchens instead, but Sirius thinks Remus could do with some of the sunlight that you don't get down in the basement of the castle.
Unfortunately, when they reach the Transfiguration corridor, they turn a corner and nearly bump right into Snape. Of course, Snape, being the dramatic git that he is, acts as if Remus almost touching him is a crime against nature. He grimaces and makes a eugh sound as he brushes his robes off like someone's just thrown dirt at his clothes. Then, he glares up at Remus with those horrible, little eyes of his.
"Watch where you're going, Loopy," Snape snarls.
"You call him that again and I'll-" Sirius starts, but as he takes a step forward, Remus pulls him back by his shoulder.
"Whatever, Snape," Remus rolls his eyes, not looking bothered by the other boy at all. "We're going."
"Not so fast," Snape says, stepping into Remus' path as he tries to walk around him. "I've probably been given your horrid disease. How was last night, by the way? Terrible, I assume, considering how sickly you look." He regards Remus with a look so vile that Sirius can't help but step forward again. This time, Remus doesn't stop him, likely too shocked by Snape's comment about last night. He must know, but Sirius has no idea how.
"You have no right to comment on how sickly someone looks," Sirius retorts, feeling as his magic vibrates just beneath his skin, ready to defend Remus. "Have you ever looked in a mirror, or do they all just crack before you ever get the chance?"
He hears Peter laugh from somewhere behind him, and James, who usually tries to get Sirius to stop when he's being so confrontational to someone, just remains silent, like he too believes that Snape deserves to be taken down a few pegs.
"At least I have class, unlike some of us," Snape looks Sirius up and down and then his eyes jump over his shoulder to where Sirius knows Remus is standing. Sirius grabs Snape by his collar and rams him up against the wall.
"I'm going to kill you if you so much as look at him again," he growls.
"A death threat? Is that honestly the best you can do?" Snape laughs, it's an ugly, high-pitched sound that makes Sirius want to tear his ears off. "I thought you were supposed to be more creative than that, Tonks."
"Oh, I'll show you creative-"
Sirius goes to pull out his wand, but before he can, he's being shoved back into the opposite wall. He glances at Snape, who looks just as shocked as Sirius feels, then at his friends, who are all staring down at him with confused and concerned faces. It takes Sirius a moment to realise that someone else intervened. He looks down the corridor to where Regulus is marching towards them, looking far too high and mighty for his own good.
Sirius jumps up from where he had landed on the ground and picks up his wand, which fell out of his pocket. He keeps it out, keeps it in his grasp, in case he needs to use it.
When Black approaches them, it's with a blank expression that makes Sirius want to throw a hex at him.
"What is going on here?" Regulus doesn't ask Sirius or Snape, instead he directs the question at Remus.
"Nothing I can't handle," Remus says, no bite behind his words.
Regulus just raises an eyebrow as if to say, Are you sure about that one? Because it doesn't look like it. He turns his attention to Snape and asks him what happened.
"Tonks is a psychopath, that's what," Snape hisses. "All I did was comment on how ill Loopy Lupin looks today, and he pinned me against a wall like a common Muggle."
Sirius glances at Regulus, wondering how he will react to the Muggle comment. Once upon a time, he would have believed that Regulus would agree with Snape's views, that Muggles were scum that were way beneath him. However, now that Sirius has heard Regulus talk about his wishes of hiding away from his family in the Muggle world where no one could bother him, he notices the way Regulus' eyes narrow just slightly, like he is personally offended by this comment.
Regulus looks at Remus briefly before turning to Sirius.
"Is that what happened?" He asks.
Sirius rolls his eyes. "Yes, sorry, Mister Prefect, I lost my temper just a little bit because Snivellus is a prick who doesn't know how to shut his stupid mouth."
Regulus looks away from him and then declares that they have both lost fifteen points each for squabbling in the corridors.
"Why do I have to lose points? I was an innocent victim," Snape huffs.
"Innocent?" Sirius repeats incredulously. "I'm the one who shouldn't have to lose points. You were being derogatory and you picked on Remus for no reason. He told you to leave, and you stepped in his way. You never know when to give up."
"Snape, leave," Regulus demands, cutting Sirius' next sentence off. When Snape hesitates, Regulus threatens another ten points, and, with a drawn-out eye roll, Snape leaves. When Regulus turns to Sirius, he shakes his head. "You lost points for acting violently in the corridors."
"As if you haven't literally done that before," Sirius mumbles, crossing his arms.
"You are a terrible role model for younger students," Regulus tells him. "If they had seen you treating Snape like that, they would have copied you. Younger students look up to you as someone on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. That's why I took points from you."
And with that, Black carries on down the corridor, robes swishing behind him.
Sirius feels as the anger he didn't get to let out against Snape's face starts to boil in his chest. He re-joins his friends and they carry on towards the hall.
Sirius is angry at Snape, but he's especially angry at Regulus for interrupting him. It's the first time he's been pissed at the boy since December, and the familiarity of it feels like a welcome home.
When they get to the Great Hall, Sirius spares a glance over at the Slytherin table and briefly notices Mulciber sitting with Avery and Wilkes. He wonders if Violetta had anything to do with that. Then, when his eyes land on Lily at the Gryffindor table, he feels as his rage overflows out of him.
She's sat at the opposite side of the table when he reaches it. He places a hand on top of it's surface and leans over the table, glaring at her. Sirius never gets mad at Lily, it's a very rare thing, but he's been pushed to his limit today. Distantly, he can hear Remus trying to get his attention, but he ignores him.
"You need to drop Snape," he says, teeth gritted as he stares down at her.
Lily, who has a sandwich raised halfway to her mouth, puts it back down on her plate, a frown creasing her eyebrows.
"What?"
"If you care about Remus at all, you need to break off your friendship with Snape. You have no idea what he's like when you're not around, and this has gone way past the point of us having petty squabble over our difference of opinions. He's a fucking bigot, Lily, and it's time you started noticing that!" He doesn't realise he's shouting, not at first. Not until he notices the silence surrounding him, and then, when he looks at Lily properly, the way her eyes have gone glassy and her chin is wobbling like she's about to cry.
She swallows and lies her hands flat down on the table before slowly rising from her seat. After clearing her throat, she simply says, "I'm not hungry anymore. See you at dinner," before fleeing from the hall.
Sirius watches her go and he can't help but feel bad; not for what he said, he meant every word of that, but he knows he could have worded it better. Could have maybe been a bit softer and not yelled at her in front of the entire hall.
Remus, James and Peter are standing around him. James is staring at the exit with concern marring his features. Peter is grimacing in a way that tells Sirius even he thinks he was a bit out of line with that. Then, there's Remus, who is watching Sirius with hard eyes.
"What?" Sirius sighs.
"How could you be so mean to her? Sure, Snape's an arsehole, but he's her best friend," Remus emphasises the words by slapping the back of one hand against the palm of his other twice. "If he's going to continue being horrible, then she's going to notice it someday and let him go in her own time. You don't have the right to yell at her about who she chooses to have in her life. Now, go and apologise to her."
"But-"
"No, Sirius," Remus' voice is firm, unrelenting. "Go now."
"Now?"
"Yes."
It takes Sirius just over an hour to find Lily. First, he looks in Gryffindor Tower for her, but when he finds out she isn't there, he realises he knows exactly where she must be.
He hasn't been to Godric's room for a couple of months, too busy to have the free time for exploring the castle these days. However, when he goes there now, he realises he's missed it. The comfortable atmosphere, the way it has a distinctly homely feel to it.
Lily is sitting on one of the couches, slowly strumming at the strings on her guitar. She isn't playing a melody, her movements look almost robotic. She doesn't look up when Sirius enters the room, nor when he crosses it and sits down beside her.
"Lily," he says quietly, worried she's going to curse him or hit him, or maybe yell at him. When she doesn't even react, still just looking down at her guitar, he carries on. "I'm really sorry, Lily. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, especially in front of everyone. That was unfair of me."
"No," she shakes her head faintly, eyebrows creasing, "you were right."
Sirius' head snaps to the side so fast, he hears it click. "I was?"
She huffs a short laugh and then gently places her guitar down on the coffee table. She turns to face him, eyes red-rimmed like she's been crying, and Sirius hates that it's his fault.
"I've been in denial about him for a while, I think," Lily murmurs. "It's just, he was my first friend. He was the first person to show me that magic doesn't make me a freak, but that it makes me special." Her voice cracks on the word 'freak'. "I love him so much, but I think that I also hate him, and I hate that I hate him." She lets out a low cry and tears slip from her eyes. "I wish he didn't have to change, or maybe... maybe he was like this all along and I just didn't let myself see it because I was so happy that someone finally understood me."
Sirius remains silent, sensing that Lily isn't finished yet.
"You know, he once tried to drop a branch on my sister," she lets out a mirthless laugh, something bitter. "I probably should have known then that he wasn't worth my time."
"Don't blame yourself for accepting unconditional love," Sirius finds himself saying. He can't tell if his words defend Snape or not, but that isn't his aim. He may not personally understand Lily's relationship with Snape, nor does he want to, but he knows how important it is to her.
"I just wanted to be known," Lily croaks. "Is that so bad? I know he's horrible and I know I shouldn't care about him, but he knows me. Properly. I'm scared to lose that, Sirius."
Sirius wraps his arms around her shoulders as she breaks down, shaking in his hold. He whispers reassuring words to her, hoping to calm her down or cheer her up. He presses a kiss to the top of her head and hates himself for making her cry like this.
"I know you, too," Sirius whispers. "Don't I?"
Lily sniffles and leans backwards. She glances up at him through wet, clumped eyelashes, green eyes a shade more dull than usual.
"Yeah, I think so," she nods.
"See, Lils? You're still known, you're still seen. I see you, okay? I know just how kind and beautiful your lovely, little soul is, and I know that you deserve so much better than him." He cups her face in his hands; she feels so small and frail right now, just like the flower she was named after. Sirius presses their foreheads together. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, not again anyway-"
Lily snorts at that.
"-but I think you already know what you're going to do, what you need to do."
"Tell me," she begs, chin wobbling. "I can't- I-"
"You need to let him go," he whispers.
Lily's eyes squeeze shut, tears sprout out of them and run down her cheeks. Sirius wipes them away. He brings her back into his arms and holds her there until she's no longer crying.
"I need to let him go," she says eventually, pulling away from Sirius to look him in the eye. "I can't do it, not now."
"You don't have to," Sirius assures her.
"I'll do it during the summer, when we're home," Lily rasps, but she doesn't cry again. She clenches her jaw and takes in a slow breath.
Sirius doesn't think he knows anyone who is as strong as Lily Evans. She could have the weight of the world on her shoulders and would still find the space to have a smile on her face.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Regulus loves James back! but, of course, walburga ruined that, too..
- Dorcas is such a menace <3
- James and Marlene sword-fighting with butter knives <3
- Dorlene getting into a fight!! and then Reg and Sirius jumping in hehe
- apparently a group of bowtruckles is called a "branch" - I just thought that was cool :)
- Regulus not minding that he lost because it means James won <333
- Sirius saw Regulus' scars 😬😬 that is going to come back later
- Snape really annoyed me this chapter, guys 😒
- Lily and Sirius <3I edited this whilst on facetime with someone soooo there might be some mistakes, just ignore them :)
See you next week <3
OH AND WE HIT 50K!!!!!!! ily guys <3
Chapter 70: Fifth Year: Something Wrong and Shattered Glass
Summary:
Lily <3
James has a breakdown.
Lots of Jegulus.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mention of someone's parent dying
-hints at two side characters going mute (response to a death)
-bullying
-supressed anger issues
-someone gets strangled (they deserve it in my opinion)
-depersonalizationLet me know if I forgot anything, this chapter was a bit chaotic.
This chapter is a bit short, but next week's chapter is going to be a monster, so that's why :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The most dangerous anger is built in
someone who has a good heart
~ Epictetus
Friday - 7th May, 1976
Lily
As their second week of O.W.Ls comes to a close, Lily feels the stressful weight that had been sat on everyone's shoulders over the last few months start to ease. It's been draining on everyone, but especially Lily, who always strives to do her best. To prove herself. It's all she ever seems to be doing. Trying to prove herself, to show everyone that she deserves to be here, too.
And she doesn't just meaning in the Wizarding World. She's never really fit in anywhere.
When she goes home during holidays, she's the freak of the family, the strange girl on the street who goes to a boarding school for "special children". When she's at Hogwarts, she's the know-it-all Muggleborn.
Back before her father died, Lily was seen as the miracle child. She was born premature, and for a while her parents weren't sure if she was going to make it. It was a shock when she lived through the first night, and then the second. Her parents took her home a week later. Growing up with her sister was something magical in and of itself, this was back when they got along. Lily and Petunia were as thick as thieves, never one without the other. When Lily started to attend the same school as her sister, she simply shared her friends. It was rare that they were ever apart.
Then, when Lily turned ten, her magic started to show. She'd had small bursts of it before - moving things across the floor with her mind before Petunia could trip over them, catching a china cup her mother once dropped before it could smash against the tiled floor. Small things like that. But as she got older, it was as if the magic pent up inside of her was alive, an animal trapped in an impenetrable cage. All Lily had to do was find the key.
She isn't proud of it, but the thing that ended up triggering her magic was her anger. Now, Lily wouldn't exactly say she's a particularly angry person by nature. She wouldn't like to be anyway. Most of the time, she's patient and tries to find the small, beautiful parts of the world that most people don't spot. But Lily had changed ever since her father died a couple of years before. The sun didn't shine as brightly and the spring breeze just didn't hit her the same way it used to. Life was duller, more subdued. Petunia still tolerated her, still loved her, Lily was sure, but they didn't seem as inseparable as they once did. Petunia stopped talking as much, just as Lily's mother did.
Lily didn't react like that. When her father died, she got louder, more full of rage. How dare the world steal her favourite person away from her so suddenly? She blamed herself for the new distance between herself and her sister. She should have put more effort into getting Petunia to laugh, or asked her more questions to make her talk. Petunia hardly talked those days.
When they went to school, they acted normally around their friends. It confused Lily, but maybe that's because she wasn't old enough to fully understand grief yet. She didn't get how Petunia could pretend that everything was fine when they were at school, surrounded by so many people. Surely that should have made it harder to cope? It was definitely more difficult for Lily, who got irritated by the smallest things, though she wouldn't let herself burst. That wasn't like her. She was the sweet sister, the angel of the family, the miracle child.
One day, she and Petunia were walking home from school - there was a part of their journey that required them walking through a field, always full of wheat stalks that made Lily's skin itch. When they made it across the field, they cut through this small dirt path that was hidden between a clump of bramble bushes and someone's back garden fence.
Lily was too busy staring at some graffiti on one of the wooden fences to notice when Annie Garver approached them. Annie used to be Petunia's friend back when they were too young to choose otherwise. Their mothers had been friends first, and when they had their first-borns at the same time, they naturally assumed they would be the best of friends.
However, it was a known thing that Annie did not like Petunia, and vice versa. The two of them had been enemies of sorts since they were six. Annie was bigger than Petunia, which wasn't a good thing, since she was a horrible bully. Usually, she wouldn't do anything around Lily, but Lily had heard a few times from her friends that Annie would pick on Petunia in the classes they shared together.
As Annie approaches them now, she ignores Lily's presence entirely and sneers at Petunia as if she's been waiting for this opportunity all day. Lily remembers how angry she felt when she watched Annie push her sister, making her knees muddy and cut. She thought she probably should have felt scared or worried, but nothing could be felt beneath the undeniable power that surged through her. She looked at Petunia and then her green eyes jumped to Annie, who simply gave her a once over before grimacing. Looking at her like she was weak.
Annie must have assumed Lily wasn't a threat, because she began to advance on Petunia again, saying things about their father, words Lily couldn't hear over the blood rushing in her ears.
The moment Annie got into spitting distance of Petunia, Lily felt something burst inside of her, like a dam releasing an ocean's worth of water.
Annie went soaring back into one of the bramble bushes. She let out a scream as she landed, but Lily didn't blink. She took a sudden step back, confused by what just happened, but then she remembered her sister on the ground.
"Come on, Tunie," Lily's voice shook. "We should go."
"What- did you push her?" Petunia got up from the ground, wiping off her knees and staining her hands brown and red. She looked at Annie, who was struggling in the bush and then at Lily, her eyes unreadable.
"I didn't touch her," Lily answered honestly.
They went home after that and they didn't speak about that day again.
That summer, Lily and Petunia were forced out of the house by their mother almost every day, who told them that some Vitamin D would do them some good. So, they would visit the small playpark down the road, the one with the tree that had a swing hanging from it.
One day, the sisters were lazing in the grass just behind the swings. Lily was trying to find pictures in the clouds, whilst Petunia was plucking pieces of grass from the ground. Lily had done something strange on the swings a few days ago, something her Science teacher would tell her was impossible. Petunia hadn't spoken about it, just like she hadn't mentioned that day with Annie Garver, but Lily knew she was thinking about it.
Lily sat up and started playing with the daisies, plucking petals off them and making daisy chains. Most of them looked trodden on and Petunia started complaining about how there were no perfect daisies around. Lily, not liking the frown on her sister's face, came up with an idea.
As they got up to leave, she stopped her sister and told her to watch. Lily held out the palm of her hand and focused. Not a second later, a daisy sprouted out of the palm of her hand, blooming before their eyes, perfect.
She grinned, amazed by her own abilities, and then looked up at her sister, expecting to see a proud smile. Instead, Petunia was staring down at Lily's hand with that sour look on her face she got whenever the boys at school cut in line at lunchtime.
"Here, you wanted a perfect daisy," Lily told her, plucking it from her hand and holding it out for her sister. Petunia glanced up at Lily's face, disgust curling her upper lip. She blinked a few times and then seemed to remember herself.
"Lily, that isn't normal. What's wrong with you?" Petunia hissed, looking around as if she was checking to see if anyone saw what Lily did.
Isn't normal.
It was the first time someone ever used those words to describe Lily, or something she did. Not normal, irregular, something wrong.
"Isn't it pretty though?" Lily tried again, unsure why her sister was acting so irrationally.
"Pretty?" Petunia had scoffed. "It's wrong, it's- it's- You're a freak!"
Petunia was never supposed to hate her, sisters were supposed to love each other. But that was the first day Lily's sister started to hate her. Maybe she always had but Lily just never noticed it before.
It was also the day she met Severus.
After feeling completely and wholly misunderstood by the one person left in the world she could confide in, Severus was like a breath of fresh air. He taught Lily that her abilities weren't freakish or odd, he showed her she was special. Normal. And that's all Lily ever wanted to be. Sure, he was mean sometimes - like the time he tried to drop a tree branch on Petunia's head (Lily ignored him for weeks after that) - but he managed to crawl his way into her heart and show her that, even though she was different, she wasn't something wrong.
The last person who got her so fully was her father. That's who Severus reminded her of. Okay, so some of his world views were a bit twisted and out of shape, but Lily thought she could help with those. Severus gave Lily a way out of her rage that felt all-consuming. During that year they spent as friends before they ever went to Hogwarts, he taught her how to settle again. How to be the sweet person she used to be, the version of herself that still had a dad and wasn't wrecked by the cruelty of the world around her.
Petunia never liked Severus. Lily would never fool herself into thinking it could be because Petunia was jealous that Lily had someone new to occupy her time. Petunia clearly didn't care enough about her for it to be that. Soon, it became obvious that Petunia didn't care much about Lily at all.
After one of the first times Lily came home from Hogwarts, it was to find that all of her friends, the ones she shared with Petunia, no longer liked her. Just like that, her sister had managed to turn them all against her. It hurt more than anything, but Lily could feel that subdued rage inside of her spark a little. She kept it tampered down, hid it from view. She wouldn't let herself be that angry girl again.
It didn't get better over the years. Petunia treated her worse and worse the more times Lily left to go to Hogwarts. And during the years where Lily wouldn't come home for Christmas or Easter, Petunia would act even crueller when she returned for the summer. Severus was the only anchor Lily had when she went home, the only thing keeping her steady.
She knew Severus could be mean, but she didn't think he was capable of being cruel. Whenever her friends at Hogwarts would tell her about words they heard him saying or things they caught him doing, she immediately dismissed them. No, he couldn't, he wouldn't. Sev isn't like that. She knew him in a way no one else did, he could be kind. He wanted to be, she could tell.
When Sirius yelled at her that day in the Great Hall, Lily could see the conviction in his eyes, the urge for her to believe him. She usually liked to ignore Sirius and Severus' rivalry, it never did either of them any good, but she could see that they were never going to get along, and intervening only ever got her hurt. It never got her anywhere. So, as the years went on, she stopped butting in so much, she would turn a blind eye. She hated to admit it, but it was easier to handle that way.
Lily ran right to Godric's room after leaving the hall, keeping her head down, face blank. The moment she got there, she wrecked the place. That anger she had been bottling up for years burst out of her just like her magic did when she was ten. It almost hurt to set free after all these years, it tore out of her with it's razorblade claws and left her ragged and bloody. Afterwards, she spent almost twenty minutes cleaning up the room.
By the time Sirius found her, she was sitting on one of the couches with her father's guitar in her lap. It grounded her, it was the only connection she had to him now. That and her green eyes, his eyes. Lily looked a lot like her father - sometimes she thought that was the reason her mother couldn't look at her anymore.
Sometimes she wondered what her father would think of her now. Would he be proud of the person she was becoming, or would he be disappointed?
It felt good to cry. She let Sirius wrap his arms around her, buried her face in his chest and settled. It was the first time she had properly let herself settle around someone other than Severus for years.
Lily never expected to love Sirius Tonks. In fact, the first time she met him she sort of hated him. He was annoying, arrogant, the sort of boy who thought the world was his to seize. Plus, he was rude to her best friend, and Lily was loyal to the end.
However, she found that not loving Sirius was harder than loving him. It wasn't difficult for her to let him into her life, to ignore the times he would say little jabs about Severus, to grow closer to him. Even before they officially became friends, he was there for her. If he noticed her having a bad day, he would say silly things to try and cheer her up and Lily would laugh even though she didn't want to give in.
Then, there was Pandora. Lily could never entirely settle around her, even if Pandora did only ever calm Lily down. Pandora was different. She was the peace to Lily's storm, the calm waves to her raging ocean. Lily could be herself around her. It wasn't settling, it was something else entirely.
It was being.
Pandora wouldn't put out Lily's fires, she would simply manipulate them to become something less self-destructing. She would see Lily's crazy and show her how to accept it, that it wasn't so bad.
Lily started to love Pandora the moment they became friends, but she fell in love with her when they were fourteen.
She didn't see it coming, it crept up on her and pounced like a feral cat. It sunk it's claws into her and hasn't let go ever since. Lily isn't sure she wants it to. Realising she loved Pandora as more than a friend was almost as easy as letting out her anger. It was something that lived inside of her, an intrinsic part of herself that had always been there. Loving Pandora was like tasting serenity for the first time in her life.
But Lily couldn't admit it, not even if a tiny part of her thought Pandora could feel the same way. It wasn't that she was a girl - Lily had accepted that part of herself back in fourth year, even if she didn't know what to call it. It was the fact that Pandora was one of her best friends and Lily couldn't stand the thought of loving Pandora this much and not having that vast feeling returned.
Pandora would call her beautiful, kiss her on the cheek, hug her for just a little bit too long, and Lily's mind would race with possibilities. She tried to reason with herself, Friends do this, too. Alice would call Lily beautiful, and they were just friends. Mary would kiss her on the cheek, and they were just friends. Marlene would hug Lily, not often because she wasn't the type for hugs, but when she did, she would cling like a spider monkey - and they were just friends.
Pandora comforted her after Lily realised she had to end her friendship with Severus. As soon as Sirius left her side, Lily went to the Ravenclaw common room, and Pandora took her up to her room.
"He's just on the wrong path right now," Pandora said as she reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Lily's ear. They were lying down, face-to-face on Pandora's bed.
"He's hurting the people I love," Lily whispered back, voice cracking in that way she hated. Weak. "He's been doing it for a long time."
"Yes," Pandora agreed simply. "It's not your fault."
Lily hadn't even worded that fear, that it was all her fault that Severus said those things to her friends. She had never done anything to stop it, never truly let herself believe it. Maybe she was just a horrible person.
"Isn't it?"
"Never," Pandora said firmly. "Don't blame yourself for someone else's worst moments. Everyone has the freedom to make their own choices. You didn't force his hand. Stop blaming yourself, you aren't a horrible person."
That was a couple of weeks ago now. Lily hasn't spoken to Severus properly for almost a month, always using the excuse that she's busy revising. She can tell he's growing suspicious, antsy, paranoid in that way he gets whenever Lily doesn't give him enough attention. It's frustrating that she can see how unhealthy that is now, how manipulative he's always been, making her feel bad for spending time with people other than him. How could she not have seen it before?
Their O.W.Ls work as a nice distraction for everything else going on in her life. It's been stressful for everyone. Frank and Alice got into a massive fight last weekend, something Lily wasn't sure was possible. As strange as it may sound, Frank and Alice don't get into arguments. Sure, they have little squabbles every now and then, but it's never anything worth remembering or worrying over. Lily could tell it was the pressure from their exams, it was getting to them.
Frank started crying the moment he realised what he'd done, and he and Alice made up almost instantly.
James has been acting sadder recently. His eyes constantly jump across the hall towards the Slytherin table whenever they are at meals. Lily has suspected James and Regulus for a while. Before the two of them even knew, she thinks. Okay, fine, she isn't sure if she's right or not, but she must be if James' anxious looks are anything to go by. She imagines that Frank and Alice aren't the only couple getting into arguments during this stressful time.
Remus' mother has been sending them all pastries since their exams began, which has been the best part of all of this. Hope Lupin is a bloody good baker.
Speaking of Remus, the moon is in ten days. It falls on the day after their final exam, which Lily knows isn't a coincidence. Dumbledore must have planned it like this. The last couple of moons have gone so well, a small part of Lily is waiting for something to go wrong during the next. She knows that's an unfair thought, but she always has been an over-thinker. That's what she knows she's doing now, over-thinking. The next moon is going to go fine, she knows it will. It's the last one before they go home for the summer. Of course it's going to be great.
Once Lily's Ancient Runes exam is over, she sighs with relief. It was one of the ones she was dreading, one of the harder subjects, but she thinks she did well. None of the questions confused her as she suspected they might, so that's probably a good sign.
Her mother hasn't sent her a letter since her birthday back in January, not even one to wish her luck on her exams. She's stopped waiting for letters from Petunia to arrive, those stopped coming in third year, and Lily guesses Petunia only ever wrote her in the first place because their mother forced her to. It's fine, she's used to her sister not caring for her anymore, even if it does still hurt.
She spends the rest of her Friday with Pandora out by the lake. They talk about how Lily and Kirley's band is going. Lily hasn't been able to meet with her band members since March, much to her chagrin. So far, they have four members - Lily, Kirley, Mika Partridge and a boy called Myron Wagtail from the year below. Myron can play the drums really well, which is the main reason they recruited him. Plus, he's one of the sweetest people Lily has ever met, a Hufflepuff just like Kirley. They have even come up with a band name now - The Weird Sisters. Lily and Mika curated it, and the boys couldn't find any reason to argue with it, so that's what they decided they would be called.
Pandora and Lily don't head back to the castle until the sky begins to turn orange, reflecting against the sheeny surface of the lake.
Wednesday - 12th May, 1976
On the morning of their final exam, Lily goes around asking all of her friends to quiz her. It's their written Defence exam, which she has been dreading all term. Lily is good at Defence Against the Dark Arts, but she wants to be amazing. Not just because the possibility of getting high grades means her mother might actually praise her for something, but because there's a war waiting for them behind the castle's walls, and Lily knows she won't just be standing by and watching it happen. If it isn't over by the time she leaves Hogwarts, she'll join the fight.
So, her defensive skills need to be immaculate.
Frank, who has a particular proclivity for the subject, ends up spending half an hour going over facts with her.
Lily goes into the exam feeling confident. She ends up finishing it with twenty minutes to spare, so she spends that extra time going over her answers, making sure they are all perfect. When the massive ticking clock at the front of the Great Hall tells her they have less than five minutes left, she settles back into her chair. She lets out her long ponytail, which had started to feel too tight, giving her a headache.
She glances around the room. Azalia is sitting just behind her, as she comes right before Lily in the register, and Benji is in front of her. Somehow, she ended up surrounded by her friends in this exam. Remus is on her right, now leisurely flipping through his paper as if trying to spot any mistakes, and Mary is just in front of him.
Lily looks out the window to her left, smiling at the way the sun beams through the window, spilling warmly onto her skin. She can't wait until they are released, so she can go and enjoy the summer breeze by the lake.
Professor Flitwick calls for them to stop writing before using a powerful Accio charm to summon everyone's papers to him. Lily sends a quick look towards Remus, who smiles back, looking relieved.
They did it. Their O.W.Ls are over.
Now, onto N.E.W.Ts.
When they are dismissed, they are asked to leave row by row. Lily's gets let out first, as she is on the first of four rows. She waits outside with Azalia, Kirley and Benji for the others. They start talking about the questions that stumped them and then the ones that they answered easily. Lily had almost laughed when a question about identifying werewolves came up. She spends a night a month playing around with one in the Forbidden Forest - sometimes she thinks she's insane.
James finds her and loops his arm through hers as soon as he's out, groaning about how he thinks he messed up one of the questions on redcaps. Peter starts complaining about the werewolf question, saying he couldn't think of three ways to identify one.
"Pete, mate, you spend a night a month with a werewolf," James whispers, shaking his head in amusement. Peter lets out a woeful sound. "How unobservant are you during the full?" He laughs.
"Well, I don't exactly examine Moony, do I? That would be weird," Peter points out. "Anyway, I ended up guessing. I'm sure it went fine."
"That's the attitude, Pete," Sirius says, ruffling the boy's hair.
Lily chuckles and casts her gaze up ahead. When she notices Severus and his horrible friends bustling about by the lake, she slows down her footsteps. James sends her a confused look before following her gaze. Understanding seems to dawn on him, and he keeps their footsteps slowly paced. Sirius and Peter carry on, chasing each other down towards the oak tree.
"I never want to hold a quill again after these last couple of weeks," Remus says, stretching his hand out as he does.
"Neither," James agrees.
"I'm just glad we don't have to worry so much until seventh year," Lily adds. "This year has been hellish."
They talk lightly as they carry on towards the lake. Remus is limping and seems to be glad by the slower pace James and Lily have adopted. The moon is tomorrow night, so Lily imagines his joints are getting ready for the ordeal they are about to go through. She wishes there were potions for this sort of thing, something to take the edge off, or soothe the pain a bit.
"Oh, shit," James mumbles, pulling away from Lily.
"What?" She asks before following James' eyes. She gasps when she finds Sirius and Severus arguing and hurries her footsteps.
"-should be done with you. She deserves so much better than your greasy arse."
"And who would that be? You?" Severus lets out a mean laugh. "Come on, Tonks. Everyone knows you don't swing that way."
"Oh, a blood supremacist and a homophobe. I should've known really," Sirius retorts, pulling out his wand and pointing it right at Severus' face.
Lily jumps between them, facing Sirius and holding her hand out towards him. "Sirius, stop it! What are you doing? If a professor catches you-"
"I don't care. You should have heard what he was saying about Remus just now!"
"Then, let me deal with it. Don't curse him, you'll only get yourself in trouble," Lily tries. She doesn't exactly know why she's still sticking up for Severus, she supposes it's just a habit by now.
"Fine," Sirius huffs, pocketing his wand. He looks over Lily's shoulder at Severus, pointing at him. Lily turns so that she can see them both. Severus' face is contorted with a hideous sneer. "You're lucky Lily was here, Snivellus-"
"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!"
It feels like the entire world goes cold, like the sun suddenly frosts over. With just one word, Severus has taken the last six years of their friendship and showed Lily that it doesn't matter, that it never mattered. Maybe she wasn't supposed to settle. Maybe he was always cruel.
The hurt washes over her briefly before it's replaced with red-hot rage, like water, the sort that feels cold at first but then scolds you. She's about to say something, to curse Severus out, maybe hex him - her hand is on her wand, but she doesn't know what she wants to do with it yet.
However, before she gets the chance to decide what she is going to do, she blinks and Severus is being pinned against the oak tree. There's a hand pressed to his neck, keeping him there, and a wand stabbing the bottom of his chin. Severus stares at his attacker with wide, shocked eyes.
James has never looked so angry before; Lily doesn't think she's ever even seen James irritated in the past, let alone engulfed with rage. But this, the look on his face, the way anger rolls off him in waves... Lily knows this, she knows it well. It's the sort of rage that's bottled up, buried beneath years of hurt and trying to tamp it down.
Lily's been angry for years, she just never assumed anyone else had been, too. She never would have guessed it would be James.
***
Wednesday - 12th May, 1976
James
The moment James hears that word directed at Lily, he goes blind. Something burns behind his eyelids, feral and dangerous, possessing him. He feels as his body jumps forward, and the next thing he knows, he's pinning Snape to a tree.
James never wanted to be violent, didn't think he was capable of it after everything. Finding out he is capable of it, this human impulse to fight, almost stings.
"How dare you," he hears himself say, but he speaks using someone else's voice. It isn't soft or full of amusement like it had been only minutes before. It's low and dark, a growl in the back of his throat, burning. "You're fucking disgusting- she's your best friend and you never deserved her. If you ever say one more thing about her or Remus or anyone ever again, I'll make you regret it."
It's startling to see the fear in Snape's eyes, to see himself reflected in them. James almost doesn't recognise himself. He's never really retaliated with Snape before, so the surprise in the other boy's expression makes sense. But the fear? James has never really thought of himself as a scary person before.
"James, let go of him-"
"You think just because you're friends with a monster that I'm going to be scared of you," Snape laughs, and it's all twisted. "I'm protected, Potter. There are worse things coming for you than me-"
James' hold on Snape's neck tightens against his will. He watches as Snape's eyes begin to water, red spreading up his face as his air supply slowly cuts off.
"What did I just tell you?" He grits.
"James!" Lily screams, and James didn't hear her before. He was too busy being blinded, deafened, by the searing fire inside of him. The panic in her voice is what makes him stop. "James, please, just let him go!"
James does. He releases his hand from around Snape's neck - oh, Merlin, his neck - and blinks when Snape crumples to the ground, coughing and wheezing. Reality comes crashing down on him, forcing it's way in from all sides, clawing at him, making him stare at what he's just done. He stumbles backwards and crashes into Lily, who is looking at him with cautious eyes.
He realises then just how many people there are around him. Students who just got out of their exam and wanted to enjoy an afternoon lounging by the lake, but, instead, James ruined it. He looks at Remus - wary and shocked - and then at Sirius - surprised and confused.
He runs.
James takes off towards the castle, ignoring the way his friends call after him. He doesn't think he has ever run so fast before. The anger is still wriggling under the surface of his skin like a group of frustrated maggots.
When he reaches the castle, he steps into the first empty classroom he can find and throws up a silencing charm. Desks go clattering across the room as he jabs his wand through the air, paper flies above his head in an ivory mess, and a window shatters. Glass sparkles across the floor, glittering under the summer sun.
James wrecks the place and then, when he feels a little bit like himself again, he simply stops. He stands there, in the middle of the mess he has made, and just breathes. His face is blank as he stares off into space, his mind thoughtless as he drops to the floor, the glass crunching beneath him. His wand clatters to the floor beside him, but he hardly notices it. He sits there and he prays to feel the peace he was experiencing just fifteen minutes ago, but it never comes.
He distantly hears the door opening, but doesn't bother to look up. He's still sitting in the middle of the classroom, on top of the mess he's made, thoughtless and blank.
"James."
Thoughtless, blank.
Rage- hide it, hide it.
Harry.
Words like knives.
"I hate you."
IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou-
"James !"
Regulus.
Regulus?
James blinks and slowly turns his head to look at the person crouching in front of him. Their hands are on his face, warm like a summer's day. He feels cold now, so the warm hands are a nice change. He likes feeling warm and cosy.
His vision comes into focus as if he's only just put his glasses on and he stares up at the figure before him.
Regulus.
"Oh, hello," James says lightly.
"Are you okay?" Regulus asks, adjusting his position slightly. The sound of glass clattering across the floor. James looks down and blanches in surprise at the shattered glass.
Oh. Right.
James' eyes sink shut. "Did you see it?"
Regulus is quiet for a moment. "I did."
James grimaces, feeling sick. "Reg, I didn't mean to." He opens his eyes, sincerity bleeding into his stare. "Please, you have to believe me. I- I wasn't it control- I-"
"James, please just breathe," Regulus tells him, lowering his hands to James' shoulders. He slides one down to rest against James' chest. "I want you to get your breathing under control first, okay, baby?"
"Okay," James agrees, because he would do anything Regulus wants.
"Okay," Regulus nods.
James breathes. Every time his mind tries to wander to Snape or Lily or Harry, he puts up a wall. He needs to breathe right now. Regulus wants him to breathe.
He doesn't notice as Regulus pulls out his wand and starts to clean up the disaster that James has made. It doesn't register with him until he spots a desk floating above their heads and back towards it's rightful spot.
"Reg," James whispers. Regulus instantly gives all of his attention to James. "What did I do?"
"Nothing, James. You didn't do anything," Regulus tells him, his voice soft and soothing.
"I hurt someone," James rasps.
Regulus fully sits down beside him now, pulling James' head into his chest as he starts to cry.
"I'm sorry," James whispers.
"No, don't do that," Regulus snaps.
"I'm a bad person-"
"No, you're not," Regulus basically growls. "You're perfect, okay? You didn't do anything wrong. Snape deserved every bit of that."
"How can you say that? I saw how everyone was looking at me- they were scared- weren't you?"
"You could never scare me, James," Regulus whispers. It's something he's said to James before, back when they were only fourteen, just secret friends. They've come so far since then. "I told you once that you could hurt someone and I wouldn't care, and I meant it. I don't care, at all. I just want you to be okay, chéri."
"I don't think I am, Reg," James lets out a low sob. "There's something wrong with me." He presses his closed fist to his chest. "Something in here."
"That's okay," Regulus assures him, pressing a small kiss to the crown of James' head. "Everyone has something inside of them that's a little more broken than the rest of them, but you don't need to let it dominate you. You need to learn to live with it, James, because it's a part of you."
"What if I don't want it to be a part of me?" James mumbles, playing with Regulus' tie like a child.
"I'm sorry, but it is," Regulus shrugs. "I know you hate it, but it's just another thing that makes you James, and I like everything about James. Remember? You're my favourite person."
"And you're mine," James tells him, tilting his head so that he can see Regulus' face.
"J'aime chaque partie de toi."
"I have no idea what that means, querido."
"I know," Regulus says before leaning down to press a kiss to James' lips. "We should go before someone finds us."
"Okay," James nods in agreement. "Where are we?"
"The Transfiguration classroom."
"Oh no," James buries his face in his hands. "I ruined Minnie's classroom."
"Don't worry, I fixed it," Regulus tells him as he stands. He holds out his hands for James to take. Once they're both up and out of the classroom, James mentions that he should probably go and find Lily to apologise, whilst Regulus just nods and kisses him on the cheek.
"I'll see you tonight, yeah?"
"Yeah," James smiles, but he can tell it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
Regulus squeezes his hand and leaves.
James finds Lily in one of the greenhouses. He had gone to the library, to Godric's room, and then to Gryffindor Tower, where he ran into the rest of his friends. He didn't feel like explaining himself, and wasn't sure he even could. Sirius mostly seemed in awe of him, which made James feel slightly uncomfortable but also, somehow, closer to Sirius. Like he finally understood exactly how it felt to properly hate Severus Snape.
Remus took him aside to check if he was okay, and James said that Regulus found him and spoke him out of the panic attack he was having.
The rest of their friends either weren't there or had the same reactions as Sirius. Mary hugged James, expressed how she thought Snape deserved it, and then told him not to feel bad about it. Peter just gave him a thumbs up.
He asked Peter if he could borrow the map to find Lily - Mary told him that Lily wandered off on her own after James left and no one had seen her since.
When he arrives, he braces himself for the anger Lily will likely direct at him. However, when he finally finds the courage to step inside and Lily spots him, she just waves him in. She's sitting down near a pink petunia that sings whenever someone touches it. James has seen it before in lessons, but he doesn't know whose it is.
He sits down on the stool beside Lily, who continues to stare down at the petunia.
"Pandora created this, you know," Lily says, gesturing to the flower. "She said she made it for me because it's my favourite flower and she knows how much I love music."
"It's beautiful," James says quietly, the guilt already shredding him to pieces inside. He turns on his stool and Lily looks up at him with a light expression. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I don't know what came over me. I heard him say that horrible word and it was like something possessed me- but that's not an excuse. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you or-"
"James," Lily cuts in, silencing him. Her lips curl up into a soft smile. "You don't need to apologise."
Confused, James asks, "I don't?"
"No," Lily shakes her head and stares back down at the flower. Her fingers ghost over it's petals, but don't quite touch it. "And you didn't frighten me. You definitely took me by surprise, but that was all. I forgive you."
"Just like that?" James frowns.
"You were defending me. Sure, you probably shouldn't have done what you did, but you didn't have control." Something crosses Lily's face, it's haunting like a bad memory. "I understand that."
"You do?" James questions, surprised.
"Yeah and I know you do, too. I saw it in your eyes today," she explains. "You're angry and you have been for years, but you hide it because it's the ugliest part of yourself."
"That's..." Completely correct, he thinks. "How do you..."
"Like I said," Lily starts, fingers brushing against the petunia's petals, "I understand."
Soft music fills the greenhouse as the petunia begins to sing. James watches it, feeling slightly entranced by the calming melody. He and Lily sit there for a little while longer. She tells him she's no longer friends with Snape and James doesn't ask questions. He knows what it's like to lose your first best friend; he knows, better than anyone, that she's grieving right now. James just hopes she finds a way to move on like he never did. He imagines it must be more difficult to be haunted by someone who is still around.
James has been in a relationship with Regulus for over a year now, which sounds absolutely insane whenever he says it in his head. They couldn't actually do anything on their anniversary, what with their O.W.Ls in the way, so they made a deal to celebrate it on the night after their final exam, which is now today. James has decided that the best way to do this would be to finally show Regulus Hufflepuff's room. He just hopes nothing dangerous finds them in the forest.
"James, why are you taking me into the forest? Are you trying to get us killed?" Regulus asks. James turns and expects to find Regulus still standing at the treeline, but Regulus is following him despite what he just said.
"My friends and I found another one of the founders' rooms," James explains, unable to help the wide grin that forms on his face.
Regulus' eyes widen. "Really? Which one?"
"Hufflepuff's," James replies.
"Now, we just have to find Slytherin's," Regulus says, stepping over a wide tree root, using James' hand to help balance himself.
"We could start searching for it next year if you'd like," he suggests.
"Yeah, okay," Regulus smiles. James admires him under the moonlight, almost full, casting a cool glow to settle across Regulus' pale skin. He doesn't seem as worried to be in the forest as James expected him to be. In fact, there's a calmness to his face that makes James suspect if Regulus has been in here before.
"So," James starts, almost tripping over a tree root, "have you figured out my secret yet?"
"No," Regulus huffs. A small crease forms between his eyebrows as a troubled expression flits across his features. "I will figure it out, though. It will be my summer project - something to distract me whilst I'm home."
James looks away, feeling as that familiar rage rolls over him at the thought of Regulus returning home to his mother. He's been trying not to think about it. However, now, when the rage hits him, he finds it more difficult to brush it off. He's still feeling riled up after his confrontation with Snape earlier.
James has always known about the anger inside of him. It's something he's spent his entire life restraining, closing off, not giving it enough air to grow into something dangerous. But Snape had used that horrible word- and towards Lily. James had completely lost control after that, and the cage he's been keeping his anger in for the last sixteen years was rattled so hard that it broke apart, and the beast was released.
If Lily hadn't stopped him, hadn't yelled for him to let Snape go, James isn't sure what he would have done, and that scares him the most. He doesn't even know what he's capable of. He always assumed that, after what happened to Harry, he wouldn't be able to hurt someone, not fatally anyway. Not on purpose, either. But now... now he knows that that's not true. And he's fucking terrified, because if he's able to wrap his fingers around someone's throat without even feeling remorse whilst he's doing it, then what else could he do? What if, the next time he hurts someone, it's a person he loves? What if it's one of his friends? What if it's Regulus?
James is just relieved that he was stopped, and that Regulus came to find him afterwards. He doesn't really remember his journey to the castle, all he remembers is how his vision had gone red, and panic had consumed him the moment clarity hit him and he realised what he'd done. James doesn't recall wrecking McGonagall's classroom, nor sitting down in the sharp glass. It feels like he blinked and Regulus was in front of him, cleaning up his mess and reassuring him, like he deserved to be cared for in that moment. He didn't - James deserved none of it.
He shakes those thoughts away as they approach the tree that leads to Hufflepuff's room. James takes Regulus' hands in his - he wonders how his hands are capable of acting so softly after having done something so harmful. As far as James knows, none of the professors are aware of what happened. He assumes the only reason Snape didn't snitch on him was because he didn't want to get in trouble for calling another student a Mudblood.
It's not something he should be worrying himself with today. If he's going to get his comeuppance, it'll hit him tomorrow. For now, he has Regulus' hand in his, warm and comforting, and that's all that matters.
Speaking of Regulus - Sirius almost found out about him.
When James noticed his notebook under Sirius' hand in the library, he felt his heart stop. He hasn't been that scared in a long time. For a moment, he thought Sirius knew, and was waiting for the criticism he was sure to receive from his friend. James knows that when Sirius does, one day, find out about him and Regulus, he's going to flip out. It's no secret that Sirius despises Regulus, and vice versa.
Thankfully, Sirius hadn't figured out who it was, but he does now know that James is in love with someone in the school. He also keeps teasing him about who this "Starlight" person could be.
James loves Sirius, but he also sort of wants to hit him.
"Oh Merlin," Regulus breathes as they push through the vines blocking their view of Hufflepuff's room. "It's like Alice in Wonderland."
"Huh?" James tilts his head.
"It's a Muggle book," Regulus replies offhandedly. "It's amazing down here. Are those-"
"Fish? Yeah," James nods, staring up at the ceiling. He steps forward onto one of the stepping stones and holds his hand out to Regulus, who hesitates as his eyes land on the water.
"I- I can't swim," Regulus shakes his head.
"Well, it's a good thing there's a path then," James laughs lightly, slipping his hand into Regulus'. "I'll catch you if you slip, and I'll save you if you fall in. I can swim. Come on, I know you're curious about that tree."
"Fine, but if I die down here, James..." Regulus steps onto the first rock and lets out a small sigh of relief when he doesn't immediately fall into the water. They make it to the small island without that happening.
Once Regulus is done admiring the tree, commenting on the initials still engraved in the bark, he joins James, who is lounging in the grass. He's looking up at the ceiling, watching as the school of fish swim around rhythmically. James wonders if they're real, or if they were made with magic. He thinks the latter would make more sense, as he doubts real fish would have survived a thousand years down here with the limited food sources.
Regulus lies down beside him, their hands meeting in the soft grass. Their pinkies link together and James finds himself smiling.
"I don't want to go home," Regulus whispers.
James' smile instantly drops as something pangs in his heart. "I don't want you to go either. I don't want to not see you for three months."
"Me neither," Regulus turns onto his side, so James does the same. Their eyes meet. "I thought last year was hard, but now... It's going to feel so much longer than three months."
"Hey," James reaches out with his free hand, cupping Regulus' face. "It's going to be okay. We have our notebooks and you've got your necklace. We could- I don't know, plan a trip to Diagon Alley on the same day and meet in the back of Quality Quidditch Supplies or something."
Regulus smiles, it's small and sweet.
"I might be able to convince Narcissa," he whispers. Something dark crosses his features, but it's so brief that James thinks he must have imagined it.
Regulus reaches out and pulls James closer by his shirt. It's natural, the way their lips fall together. Kissing Regulus is like second nature to him now, as easy as breathing. He can't believe he's going to have to go three months without this. Three months that he's sure will be full of worrying about the boy beside him.
James already knows that he's going to have to make himself busy this summer, or he isn't sure he's going to survive it. He'll be counting down the days until he has Regulus in his arms again. For now, he has him right in front of him. So, when Regulus breaks the kiss and goes to pull away, James cups his jaw with both hands and starts pressing loud pecks all over his face. Regulus giggles and calls him an idiot, and James feels as his anger gets lost within the love he feels for Regulus Black.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
chéri = darling (French)
J'aime chaque partie de to = I love every part of you (French)
querido = darling (Spanish)MENTIONS:
- I just want to put this here: I know in canon Lily's parents were excited about her being a witch, but when I was planning how I would write Lily's character back when I started thinking about this fic, I decided that I wanted to change that. This obviously isn't canon, and we've ignored enough "canon" things anyway. Besides, I prefer my take on this instead of jkr's - she has no creativity, and her Petunia was so one-dimensional (so I changed that, too).
- I don't like Snape, and I doubt I ever will, but his dynamic with Lily is really interesting to me. So, I wanted to explore that more in this chapter. I hope I got my impression of them across well, let me know what you guys think of it.
- Also, Lily is a bit of an unreliable narrator. I do believe that her sister loved her, Lily just thinks Petunia doesn't.
- Even Lily knew that loving Sirius was inevitable - she's so right btw 😌
- PANDALILY! <333
- not Alice and Frank fighting in the background :(
- Lily knows about jegulus - confirmed!
- I fully wrote out a seating plan for their exam, and Lily genuinely ended up SURROUNDED by her friends. James and Sirius were next to each other as well, which was just pure coincidence.
- Snape is a twat.
- James and Lily 🤝 their anger issues (they're literally me)
- Regulus following James and helping him :( They're so freaking cute, I'm so jealous of them honestly. Also, Reg calling James perfect 😭
- "I can't swim" - oh, honey, we know
- James obviously had to show Hufflepuff's room to Regulus <3There's one more chapter of fifth year before the summer chapters start. This year has been so long istg. I'm so soooo excited for next chapter. You guys aren't ready for it. You're probably wondering where Remus' pov was, and all I can say to that is he will show up next chapter ;)
See you next week!
Chapter 71: Fifth Year: Detention Buddies and Twisted Branches
Summary:
Detention. An alcove. Slytherin Skittles being iconic. (This is me trying not to spoil anything.)
This chapter is dedicated to Serena (sspadfoot on tumblr xx), who got this chapter like a week ago because she's my biggest fan and I love her <3 Thanks for existing ❤
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-discrimination against a minority group (hp lore)
-brief mentions of war/violence
-blood/broken bone (not explicit)
-brief mention of child abuse
-brief mention of a sick/dying parent
-a character disassociates as a shock response
-a character goes missing, but only briefly, and they are found
-angst
-there's a lot of emotional distress in this chapter..idrk how else to describe it - just be wary
-panic attack
-a character gets cursed and boils break out on their face
(Let me know if I forgot anything.)I hate the title of this chapter, but I couldn't think of anything better, so just don't look at it ✋ look away ✋
You're going to be a different person after this chapter (maybe) - have fun 😏😏
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Golden child, Lion boy;
Tell me what it's like to conquer.
Fearless child, Broken boy;
Tell me what it's like to burn.
~ Madzieloss
Thursday - 13th May, 1976
Sirius
Sirius has been pent up since what happened with Snape yesterday. He heard that word come out of Snape's mouth, watched as Lily's face dropped with shock and heartbreak. Sirius is ashamed to admit that the reason he hadn't instantly retaliated is because he genuinely didn't believe Snape would ever call Lily a Mudblood. Sure, he's used the word in the past, but Lily was supposed to be his best friend. Sirius thinks that even if he was a terrible person, he would never insult any of his friends in such an unforgivable way.
Before he could recover from his initial shock, James was jumping forwards, which is something Sirius did not see coming.
The look on James' face had been lethal. Sirius wasn't scared exactly, but he was intimidated. If James directed that look towards him, he would surely shrink to the floor under it. Snape had retaliated at first, but then the hand James had on Snape's neck seemed to tighten, and Sirius didn't even care. All he could do was watch. Maybe that makes him a terrible person, but he really doesn't care. He just keeps hearing Snape's words.
There are worse things coming for you than me.
It had clicked in Sirius' mind instantly that Snape was talking about the war. For the first time, Sirius realised that Snape was planning on fighting, but not for the side of light. He's going to be on the side of the battlefield that is killing Muggles and Muggleborns alike. And after that display, Sirius is no longer sure if Snape would even protect Lily anymore.
So, he watched as James' hand tightened around the other boy's throat and he didn't intervene, nor did he even have the thought that he should stop it. All he could think was, One less Death Eater in the world.
He realises in hind sight how terrible that thought was. Probably not for the reasons he should. If James had done something to permanently shut Snape up, then he would have had to deal with the backlash. James has already been through enough for one lifetime, he doesn't need that on his conscience, too. Something about James is, he feels guilty about everything, even things he hasn't done personally. This - it would have killed him.
Thankfully, after James ran away, he showed up in the common room with Lily a couple of hours later. Sirius was worried that he would go out and do something stupid, something irreversible to himself. He is so glad he didn't. Sirius was going to use the map to look for James, but Remus told him not to. He said James needed some space to breathe before they went off looking for him. Sirius was going to argue, but he knew that, if anyone knew James best, it was Remus. Those two had always had a bond that Sirius was jealous over, even if he shouldn't have been.
Sirius can feel the hatred inside of him blazing like an out of control fire, because he never got the chance to release it, to retaliate. All he wants to do is find Snape and- and-
He doesn't even know.
He wants to make him hurt. Badly.
Lily hasn't spoken about it very much since it happened yesterday, but Sirius can tell she isn't doing very well. She came down to breakfast this morning with dark moons under her eyes, which told Sirius that she didn't sleep well - or at all - last night. Sirius may never understand how or why Lily could ever care about someone like Snape, but he knows that she did. That, no matter how terrible he might be, he was something special to her once. And now that's gone.
He sits beside her at breakfast and sends her a small smile when their eyes meet. She returns it, but it's nowhere near as bright as the one she usually wears.
Sirius decides to head back towards the dormitory once breakfast is over. It's a Hogsmeade day, but he doesn't feel like going. He expects Remus to linger back with him, but he says he needs to go and get a birthday present for his mam - it will be his last chance to do so, as it's the final Hogsmeade trip before summer. Sirius still chooses to stay behind, knowing that, if he sees Snape, he won't be able to hold himself back, and he doesn't want to upset Lily anymore than he already has this year.
It's the full moon tonight, the last before they go home for the summer. Sirius is hoping they can spend at least one of the moons over the summer in the forest behind James' house. That way, Remus won't have to be chained up in a basement. He knows it's the only way to guarantee that Moony won't hurt anyone - and after what happened in November, that's important - but he can't help but think it's unfair. Remus doesn't deserve it, and neither does Moony.
Sirius spends the next hour or so playing with Ayers on the floor of the empty dormitory. He's sad that fifth year is nearly over. They only have two more years at Hogwarts and then they have to be adults. Sirius can't help but think how quickly the time has gone.
When his temper doesn't settle, he decides to go on a walk around the castle. Peter has the map, so he goes by his memory and starts aimlessly wandering the corridors. The castle is mostly barren, what with the majority of students, and most professors, being in Hogsmeade today. It's sunny out, so he imagines those who didn't visit the village are out on the grounds enjoying the sun.
He's passing through the Transfiguration corridor when he finds Regulus crossing the courtyard. There's an expression on his face that looks a mixture of irritated and disappointed. He wonders if he just came from the forest. Sirius hasn't paid any visits to the forest since early April. Regulus really pissed him off when he stopped Sirius from cursing Snape after he insulted Remus, so he's decided he won't be returning to the forest. Whenever he turns into Padfoot now, the urge to go is almost unbearable, but Sirius mostly manages to ignore it.
When Sirius' eyes land on Regulus, the anger he's feeling about Snape rises to the surface as if sensing an outlet. Without thinking about the consequences, or the fact that they haven't fought since December, Sirius opens his mouth.
"Why so glum, Black? Your friends not want you to go with them to Hogsmeade," Sirius taunts, giving him a falsely sympathetic look.
"Shut up, Tonks. Go hit a Bludger or something if you're in a mood, just leave me alone," Regulus retorts, attempting to walk past him. Sirius, however, grabs the other boy's arm to stop him.
When Regulus' eyes meet his, they are full of untampered rage. It's the first time Sirius realises that, after all these months of not retaliating, of acting like the bigger person, the reason Regulus hasn't been provoking him isn't because he doesn't want to. The look in his eyes tells Sirius that Regulus would love nothing more than to curse him right now, but he's stopping himself from doing so for some reason.
"Not so fast," Sirius says, stepping in the other boy's path. "It's been a while since we've done this."
"Yeah because it's petty and childish," Regulus remarks, trying to step around him, but Sirius makes it impossible as he continues to stand in the way. "Let me by."
"No, I'm pissed off at you," Sirius snaps, and Regulus finally meets his eyes. He looks confused, like he can't think of why Sirius would be mad at him. "You keep defending Snape. I thought you weren't like the rest of your family, that you weren't a blood-purist. Isn't that what you said all those years ago? Or were you just lying?"
"No matter whose views mine align with, as a Prefect, I can't just stand by and watch two students attack each other-"
"Oh, don't give me any of that Prefect bullshit," Sirius yells, waving his hands around and getting right in Regulus' face. To his credit, Regulus doesn't step back or flinch. He doesn't even blink. He merely watches as Sirius starts to grow angrier and angrier. "You're just as bad as the rest of them! I can't believe I thought you actually meant it when you said you would run to the Muggle world if you could. You're just a coward! No wonder-"
Crunch.
Sirius reels back in shock when Regulus' fist collides with his face. He lifts a hand to his face and blinks when his hand comes back red. Pain shoots up his nose and through his head. When he looks back up at Regulus, he finds him hyperventilating - anger and disbelief on his face.
"You punched me," Sirius says, glancing down at his bloodied hand.
"Who told you that?" Regulus asks, sounding deadly.
"What?"
"About the running away thing. Where the fuck did you hear that?" Regulus steps forward, walks until he's right in Sirius' face. He grabs Sirius by the robes and pulls him forward until they are eye-to-eye. While Regulus was taller than him at the beginning of the school year, Sirius has managed to outgrow him over the last few months. Still, Regulus has never felt taller in this moment.
Sirius realises his mistake.
Shit.
He can't admit that he's the dog, not without Regulus Black finding out that he's an illegal Animagus. So, Sirius lies.
"I overheard you in the forest once," he mumbles, squinting through the blood in his eyes.
"You're such a bastard," Regulus huffs, throwing Sirius backwards.
Sirius, who is still very much angry, pulls his wand out and aims it at Regulus' face. "Confractus."
Regulus' head is thrown back like he was just punched, but he manages to keep his footing. When their eyes meet again, Sirius knows they're about to get into a duel. The spell he just used broke Regulus' nose, so now they're even.
Regulus pulls his wand out and starts throwing spells and hexes Sirius' way. Sirius is able to dodge most of them, but some of them are so well-aimed that he has to throw up a shield charm. Even then, he struggles not to get hit. He sends a few spells flying himself, but mostly tries to defend himself. Regulus is relentless with his casting, as if he's been waiting to finally release his suppressed feelings for years.
Sirius can't help but notice that Regulus doesn't use any curses. The spells he casts are all mild, things that can hurt Sirius just as much as a punch in the face can, nothing detrimental. It confuses him enough that he let's his guard down and Regulus manages to strike him with a hex that causes blisters to grow up Sirius' arm.
"Ahh," he hisses loudly, lifting his sleeve to relieve some of the pain.
Fortunately, Regulus must realise what he's just done because he stops shooting spells off towards Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius' hiss of pain is loud enough to attract attention.
"What in Merlin's name is going on out here?" McGonagall shrieks as she exits her classroom. She takes in the mess around them, some debris from where one of Regulus' spells skimmed the stone wall, and then her eyes land on the two of them. "Right," she says, looking frustrated by the both of them. "I have had enough of this silly, little rivalry between the two of you. I am going to take you to the hospital wing and then you've both got detention."
Sirius scowls and kicks some of the wall across the floor. McGonagall does not look impressed by his display at all, but he's too irritated to care right now.
The two boys follow her to the hospital wing, where Poppy takes one look at them both before giving them both disapproving stares. Sirius shrinks beneath it, finally feeling slightly ashamed. It doesn't take her very long to get them both fixed up. She warns them not to get into another fight, and says that, if they do, she won't heal them and they'll have to deal with their consequences like the adults they will be soon.
When they leave, McGonagall guides them to her classroom. Sirius expects her to tell them to rearrange the books on the stacks of shelves in the back of the room, or to clean the gum off the underside of the desks, but she doesn't say any of that.
"It's a brutal world out there," she starts, standing in front of the door so that neither of them can escape. "The only thing we have going for us are our alliances. You two will be adults soon, so you need to start acting like it. You need to learn responsibility and maturity, otherwise you won't survive the world that's waiting for you. I am sure I'm speaking on behalf of the entire school when I say, you two need to sort out whatever issues you have with each other, because everyone is exhausted. Your fighting doesn't just affect you two, but the people around you as well. Your friends, your peers, everyone. So, fix it."
Confused, Sirius turns to look at Regulus, who appears to be just as puzzled.
"You are to remain in this room until the sun goes down. Your meals will be sent up to you by the house-elves. I expect you to at least find a way to exist amicably by the time the wards let you out," McGonagall says before turning and closing the door.
Sirius hesitates before walking forward. He tries the door, pulls on it as hard as he can, uses his wand, but nothing works. He's locked in here with Regulus Black for the next nine hours, at least.
Fantastic.
"Well, this is just excellent," Regulus mumbles to himself. He huffs and marches off towards one of the windows, sitting on the ledge and staring out the window.
Sirius, unsure of what to do, lingers by the door for a moment.
The first two hours pass by silently. Sirius spends them carving pictures into a desk with his wand, before repairing it so that he doesn't get into even more trouble with Minnie.
During the third hour, he starts exploring Minnie's collection of books. She has a mini library at the back of her classroom, with stacks and everything. Sirius runs his finger along their spines, taking in mostly familiar titles. There are a few books he's never heard of, more advanced Transfiguration book that he's sure he would enjoy. He picks one and sits down between two stacks. It takes him two hours to read.
During these two hours, Regulus practices spells at the other end of the classroom. Sirius tries to ignore the way it distracts him. He fears that if Minnie comes back to find them fighting again, she'll force them to spend the night here, and Sirius is not ready to have a sleepover with Regulus Black, thank you very much.
By the time four o'clock rolls around, Sirius has grown bored of reading, but Regulus is still trying to get the hang of a spell. It's a Transfiguration one, which makes sense because they're trapped in the Transfiguration classroom right now. Sirius thinks he's trying to transform one of the tables into a pig - something they've been learning in class since last term. Sirius picked it up almost instantly, but Transfiguration has always come easily to him.
Sirius turns to look out one of the windows and watches as the sun slowly begins to dip. He wonders if the moon has started to rise yet.
Oh, fuck, he's going to be late to the shack!
He hopes McGonagall told one of the boys where he is. Maybe he can meet them when they get to the forest. He isn't going to miss the last moon of the year, he won't.
Shaking his head, he turns back to look at Regulus. He won't let himself worry over the moon, there's nothing he can do about it now. Instead, he continues to watch the other boy struggle. He realises that he could just sit here and laugh about it, or he could help. Minnie would want him to help. Remus and James would probably help Regulus if they were in his position, not that they would ever be. Even Lily would probably lend a helping hand. Sirius doesn't think Peter would. He dislikes Regulus as much as Sirius does.
An image of Regulus having a panic attack in the forest comes to mind. His mother sending him howlers for having poor grades. The scars on his back. He has to go back home for three months and deal with that woman. Sirius won't pity him, he doubts Black would even appreciate it, but he can't help but feel bad for him. Poor guy, he thinks.
He dislikes Regulus, that's for sure, but it's so different to how he feels about Snape. With Snape, Sirius knows it's hatred. Snape is just cruel and grim, he knows exactly how to hit Sirius where it hurts. Regulus, on the other hand, has always been able to get under Sirius' skin, but not in a way that has led him to hate the boy. It's more irritating than anything. Sirius doesn't think he could ever be capable of feeling bad for Snape like he does about Regulus right now.
Sighing, Sirius walks over to where Regulus is standing, waving his wand at a desk and frowning at how the wooden legs turn into real pig ones, but the rest of the table remains wooden.
"You're wand movements aren't broad enough," Sirius says.
"I don't need you to criticise my magic now, too, thanks."
"I'm not criticising," Sirius responds calmly, shrugging. "I'm trying to... help."
Regulus raises a single eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because we still have four, maybe five, hours in here together and I'm bored."
Regulus lets out a low sigh, something that resembles a scowl, and then nods like he's relenting. He steps aside and allows Sirius to show him how to do it properly. They spend the next two hours working on it, until Regulus has got it just right, and soon there's a pig running through the classroom.
Sirius grins once he's finally done it. Regulus smiles back briefly before he seems to remember who it is he's smiling at. Sirius does the same and instantly looks away, clearing his throat. He turns the pig back into a table and the sudden silence becomes awkward for the first time all day.
Their dinner shows up not ten minutes later, and Sirius sits on top of McGonagall's desk, legs crossed, plate resting in his lap. Regulus sits by the window and watches something in the distance as he eats. Curious, Sirius wanders over and glances out the window. James and the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team are out there flying about. It isn't a practice, as they have no more scheduled for this year, what with the matches being over. But Sirius suddenly remembers that the team had planned to have one more match all together today, and now he's missing it because he's stuck in a classroom with Regulus.
"You're not trying to memorise any of their techniques, are you?" Sirius jokes as he sits down across from the other boy, setting his half-empty plate down on the stone windowsill.
Regulus shakes his head. "No, just watching."
"Why?"
Sirius is surprised when Regulus answers him again
"It's calming," he responds honest, quiet.
When they finish dinner, Sirius marches over to the large chalkboard behind Minnie's desk and starts drawing a game of hangman on there.
"What are you doing?" Regulus asks.
"Like I said, I'm bored. So, we're going to play hangman until we want to hang ourselves, and then we're going to find something else to do," Sirius instructs, pointing towards the seat behind Minnie's desk, gesturing for Regulus to sit down.
Regulus rolls his eyes, but there's no real anger behind it. He gets up from the windowsill and, instead of sitting in the chair, he hops up onto Minnie's desk and sits down on top of it like Sirius did before. Sirius turns around and smiles to himself.
"Do you know how to play?"
"Of course, I do," Regulus responds with a tut.
It's an effort not to snap back.
Somehow, weirdly, Sirius actually finds himself having fun. Regulus chooses long and ridiculous words that Sirius hasn't heard of. At one point, he uses a Muggle painter's name as one of his hangman choices, and Sirius is so taken aback by it that he almost falls off Minnie's desk. He catches himself laughing at one point, and Regulus looks just as surprised by it as Sirius is.
The room is slowly bathed in a glow of gold as the sun starts to sink lower and lower in the sky. The sconces on the walls light automatically, but it's still just below an hour before the wards will let them out. When Regulus suggests they stop playing hangman, Sirius finds himself agreeing, tired with it by now.
Hesitating at first, he pats the empty space beside him on the desk. Regulus watches the movement with a confused expression. It takes the other boy a little bit longer than Sirius expects for him to get it. He just stands in place for a moment before slowly making his way over to the desk and sitting down beside Sirius.
That stupid feeling of protectiveness overwhelms him, filling his chest, just like it does whenever Padfoot visits the forest, and Sirius wishes he could bury it.
"You know, it kind of makes sense why I wouldn't like you," Sirius starts. When Regulus cuts him a sharp look, he realises he's worded his thoughts all wrong. "No- I'm not trying to start anything. I just mean, you're quite mean to everyone, except your friends. And when we met, you did sound like you were being mean about Muggleborns, even if I misinterpreted what you meant. Plus, the rest of your family isn't... great."
"And how do you think it feels to grow up in a family full of terrible people and awful, centuries-old traditions that I still have to abide by? People, like you, look at me and only see my name," Regulus mumbles, playing with a stray piece of string that's come loose from the cuff of his sleeve. "I am not my family, nor do I agree with most of what they do, but I can't be loud about it like others. Not if I want to survive."
Regulus looks up at him, his grey eyes reflecting the orange fire in the sconce just above them.
"It must be difficult having everyone know everything about your family," Sirius frowns.
Regulus drops his eyes to the floor and nods. "It is."
"My parents are the complete opposite. They've been hiding for my whole life, but it's never felt as horrible as it sounds. It's a bit like a game, actually," Sirius smiles fondly as he thinks of his parents and his little sister. God, he misses them. He hasn't seen them since Christmas.
"You know so much about me, but I know almost nothing about you," Regulus says quietly. "Sometimes... no, never mind."
"What?"
"It's nothing," Regulus argues.
"Just say it," Sirius tilts his head and gives the other boy his full attention.
"Fine. Sometimes it feels like I've spent five years hating someone that doesn't even exist. I've seen the way you hate Snape, and it's so different from how you hate me. I've seen you around the people you love and you're an entirely separate person. Maybe the version of you I don't like only started existing when I created him."
"That's profound," Sirius murmurs. "But I think you might be right."
"Did you just agree with me?" Regulus snorts.
"I think so," Sirius huffs out a small laugh. "...I don't hate you."
"You don't?" Regulus frowns.
"No. I might have once, or maybe I thought I did. But I just don't like you very much, actually," Sirius admits honestly. Regulus laughs; it's a strange noise, maybe because Sirius has never really heard it before. Not clearly anyway. "I hate Snape and I hated our DADA teacher from last year-"
"Yeah," Regulus agrees.
"-but, no, I don't hate you," Sirius shakes his head.
"I don't hate you either," Regulus says. "You're just incredibly annoying."
Sirius squawks in offence. "Says you, little Mister I'm-a-Prefect-so-now-I'm-noble."
They chuckle between themselves, and it's strange but it's also nice to just... settle for once. It feels like sighing after holding your breath for years. Sirius doesn't think they will leave this room as friends, but he does know that they'll leave it with an understanding. Something's shifted, changed. It's small and subtle, but it's something.
"You said you don't know anything about me," Sirius says, turning to properly face Regulus. The other boy does the same thing, but Sirius doesn't think it's a conscious decision. "I live near a beach and basically grew up in the ocean. Look, I made this shell anklet with Xeno." Sirius lifts his trouser leg and shows off the anklet he has that matches the one Xeno still wears.
"Xenophilius?" Regulus questions as he eyes Sirius' anklet.
"Yeah, we live in the same village," Sirius explains, dropping his trouser leg again.
"Have you always lived near a beach?" Regulus asks.
"Yeah, we've never moved. My parents have a shop, and we live above it."
"What kind of shop?"
Sirius can't help but think that Regulus actually looks interested in what he's telling him, and he starts wondering just how oppressed this child really is. Do his parents just lock him in the house when he goes home for the summer? He's acting like he's never been to a beach before.
"Oh, it's full of old stuff, like second-hand things that have a cool history. It's called 'Ted's Trinkets and Andy's Antiques '. Those are my parents."
Something crosses Regulus' face, cracking through the interest in his expression before bleeding through. He frowns like something incredibly important has just dawned on him.
"Wait, what are your parents' names?"
"Ted and Andy?" Sirius replies, bewildered.
Regulus inhales sharply and stares at Sirius with searching eyes. "Is 'Andy' short for 'Andromeda'?"
Sirius blinks. "Yeah, how did you know that?"
Regulus jolts so harshly that he almost falls off the desk. Sirius reaches out to grab him, and Regulus reaches back. He doesn't look embarrassed by his moment of clumsiness, he just keeps staring at Sirius with those wide eyes that tell Sirius he's just had an epiphany. About what? He has no idea.
"Are you okay?"
"What?" Regulus asks faintly. He seems to remember himself and shakes his head before explaining. "Yeah, I just- Wait. What's your mother's last name?"
"Uh, Tonks?" Sirius is so lost right now.
"No, her maiden name," Regulus sounds desperate.
"I don't know," Sirius shrugs. "Why?"
"Because," Regulus swallows, "I had a cousin called Andromeda, but she ran away from home when she was eighteen with a Muggleborn called Ted. I've been looking for her."
"That's what happened to my mum," Sirius speaks, but his voice sounds off. He's still processing. Because- wait. There's no way this is a coincidence. If what Regulus is saying is true, then that means that Sirius' mum is Regulus' cousin, which would make her a Black. It would make Sirius...
"Your mother is my cousin?" Regulus sounds slightly incredulous, but mostly just shocked. Same, Sirius thinks, fucking same.
His mind wanders back to what the sorting hat said all those years ago: I didn't expect to get two today. Is this what it had meant? Did it know all along?
Wait... does Xeno know?
I know answers to questions about you, Sirius Tonks, that you wouldn't even think to ask.
Isn't it just so tragic to have lost something and forgotten you've lost it in the first place?
One day soon, you will get all of your answers. I promise.
You will get to meet at least one of them.
Sirius is a Black...
He's related to Regulus.
And Astro.
Andromeda is Regulus' cousin, which would mean-
Wait.
"Wait," Sirius says aloud. "I was adopted." Stolen.
"You were?" Regulus looks puzzled by this.
"Well, sort of. My mum... she stole me from her aunt. I don't really know all the details yet because when I found out, I was really young and they told me they would explain it all to me when I'm of age. I'm actually my mu- Andromeda's cousin, too. I'm a Pureblood."
It's weird telling Regulus all of this. He's only ever told Remus that he was adopted - stolen, whatever - and now he's telling the boy he's claimed to dislike for the last five years. Sirius is getting whiplash from all of the information that is clicking into place.
"Hold on, you said she stole you from her aunt?" Regulus asks. When Sirius nods, Regulus shakes his head. "I don't have any aunts, nor do Narcissa and Bellatrix."
"Narcissa and Bellatrix?" Sirius frowns.
"Oh. Andromeda's sisters."
Sirius almost gasps. "She told me about them once. She misses them."
"Yeah, well-" Regulus hesitates and then decides not to say what he was going to. Instead, he repeats, "We don't have any aunts. My father had a sister, but she passed away when she was a child, and my mother has two brothers. No aunts. Narcissa doesn't-"
Regulus pales.
"What?" Sirius frowns, desperate to know what it is Regulus has just realised. "What ?" He repeats when Regulus doesn't respond.
Regulus' mouth opens, but nothing come out at first. It takes him almost a minute to be able to get out the words, and even then they are raspy, like he's lost his breath.
"Andromeda's only aunt would be my mother."
Sirius blinks. He let's that statement float in the air for a minute. Doesn't accept it, doesn't even acknowledge what it could mean at first. His brain doesn't seem to be capable of putting the puzzle pieces together, too afraid of the truth, of the full picture. Sirius grips his knees anxiously and then starts fiddling with his tie as his mind catches up. When he glances at Regulus, he notices him doing the same thing - nervously playing with the end of his tie.
"So, you're- I mean..." Sirius can't comprehend it. "If Andromeda's aunt is my birth mother, and her only aunt is your mother, that means..."
Nope. He can't even finish that sentence. There's no way. They must have missed a step, skipped over an important part of the story. They're not related, they're not. He refuses to believe it. There's no way it's true.
There is no way that Regulus is his-
his-
It hits them both at the same time. Regulus' eyes - mostly blue, but with hints of grey peeking through - meet Sirius'.
We have the same fucking eyes.
Sirius feels sick.
After all this time - after all their arguments and years of despising each other - Regulus has been his brother all along.
Regulus stumbles as he gets to his feet, walking backwards, eyes frozen on Sirius as he goes. Sirius distantly feels himself get up, too, but it doesn't really register. For the first time, Regulus looks scared of him, and it isn't satisfying at all. Sirius is sort of scared, too.
Everything that he knows about Regulus' parents isn't good. His mother is an abusive piece of shit - but Sirius already knew that about his birth mother. It's the reason his mum stole him away in the first place. Sirius' mind goes back to that day in the changing room when he saw Regulus' scars.
Would they be mine if I hadn't been stolen away?
Is Regulus marred with scars that I should own?
Why didn't mum take him, too?
The guilt hits him like a bus. Regulus only has those scars because Sirius doesn't. Or maybe, in another life, they're both littered with scars. Who knows? Because they're living in this one where Sirius was taken away before he could even meet his brother.
His brother.
He has a brother, and he always has.
Growing up, he always wanted a sibling. This feels like some cruel joke from the universe. The moment he met his brother, he chucked him aside, decided he wasn't good enough, and then decided to fight with him for half a decade.
He thinks about his father and how he apparently helped Andromeda get Sirius out. Why didn't he do the same for Regulus? Did he not care enough? Regulus seems to love his father with an authenticity that he doesn't hold for his mother. Does his father not love him back?
He's sick. Dying.
Sirius' birth father is dying. He always wondered if he would be able to meet him one day. It seems impossible now he knows what family he belongs to, and the chance is even slimmer because the man is dying.
He is surprised when he feels it. The grief for a man he's never known, who's still alive.
He was the one who sent Sirius the Ombud. Something to protect him, a way of showing Sirius that he cared even though they'd never really met. A way to show him he was there.
At the sound of the ward popping, Sirius looks up at Regulus, who glances at him one last time before speeding out of the door. Sirius doesn't even try to stop him. He isn't sure he could if he wanted to - he's still too busy trying to catch up.
It takes Sirius almost twenty minutes before he leaves the classroom. Before then, he doesn't so much as move from the spot he's standing in. Minnie hasn't come to claim back her classroom yet, so Sirius assumes she won't be returning tonight. When he does find it in himself to start walking, he heads for the door.
He tries to separate this new information from the rest of himself and put it in a corner for now, but it doesn't work. Usually, he's so good at doing that. This, however, seems to stick like some horrible form of torture.
His mind is disorientated, worn thin with how he's trying to suppress everything from breaking through to the front of his mind. There's a sick feeling in his stomach, but he doesn't actually think he's going to be sick. He walks through the corridors like a ghost.
When Snape turns a corner and starts walking in Sirius' direction, he glances down at the floor. The anger he felt earlier is still there, lingering just beneath the surface, and he knows that it wouldn't take very much right now for him to release it. If Snape provokes him, he won't be able to stop himself. Not right now.
Unfortunately, Snape doesn't know when to leave well enough alone.
"What are you doing out so late, Tonks? Filling in for Loopy Lupin? I wonder why he couldn't make it to his prefect rounds, must be that time of the month again."
When Sirius finally looks at Snape, the other boy falters and takes a step back. Sirius wonders what he looks like right now - probably insane. He feels it. As he continues to push down everything else, the rage manages to seep through to the front of his mind, the only thing he can feel. It almost feels like a relief compared to the rest of it all. All he knows is that he wants Snape to hurt, and he wants it to be something that lasts.
Sirius takes a step forward, and then another, and another, until he's standing right in Snape's space. "What did you just say to me?"
"Where's Lupin tonight?" Snape asks, sounding less confident than before.
Sirius laughs and it's bitter. Sirius laughs and it's something cruel, something that doesn't sound like him at all.
"You really want to know where Remus is?" Sirius feels completely and utterly crazy right now. "I can tell you."
***
Friday - 14th May, 1976
Remus
On the morning after the full moon, Remus wakes with a pounding headache. He does his silent body checks, but doesn't think anything is broken or midway through healing. Slowly, he blinks his eyes open and instantly flinches under the light streaming through the windows. It's summer now, which means the days are longer and brighter. Luckily, it also means the nights are shorter, so Remus doesn't have to spend too long as the wolf. He much prefers being in his own human body.
He finds a glass of water and a headache soothing potion on his bedside table and instantly gulps them both down. It doesn't take very long for his headache to fade away.
The curtains around his bed move and then Lily is stepping through them. Remus hasn't gotten his memories of the night before back yet, so he isn't sure how it went. However, if his lack of injuries are anything to go by, he assumes it went well. He wonders where the others are, where Sirius is. He hardly saw him yesterday after he skipped the Hogsmeade trip, and then McGonagall came to find them and informed the boys that Sirius had a detention with Regulus Black that would last for the rest of the day. She didn't say when he would be released, just that they shouldn't wait up for him.
Lily smiles briefly when she spots him awake, but it is quickly replaced with a worried expression that has Remus' anxiety rising.
"Lily, what's wrong?" He sits up and is glad his headache is gone.
"What do you mean?" She asks, not meeting his eyes.
"Lily," Remus presses.
Lily tuts and sits down on the edge of the bed, facing Remus. "The boys never made it to the shack last night."
"What do you mean they never made it?"
"Last night, James and Peter told me to go ahead, that they were going to wait behind for Sirius to come back from his detention. So, I went on my own, do you remember that?"
Remus stretches his mind as he tries to remember. He nods. "Yeah, I do."
"Right, well, you turned and they weren't there. They never showed up, so I kept Moony in the shack. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get him back on my own," she whispers, even though Remus can sense a silencing spell around them. He wonders when she cast it. "Moony was a bit antsy, probably wondering where they all were, but I managed to distract him for the night so he didn't hurt himself. Mostly, we slept, which is probably why you don't look as tired as you usually do."
"Wait, why didn't they show up?" Remus frowns.
"I went back to Gryffindor Tower this morning and went right up to the boy's dormitory, but James was the only one there. He told me that Sirius is missing," Lily explains, her voice taking on a tone of worry.
"Missing ?" Remus almost yells, half rising out of his bed.
Lily nods. "Pete's been out looking for him all night."
"I need to go and find him," Remus says, actually getting out of bed now. He's dressed in pyjamas, which he would usually be embarrassed about, but he doesn't care right now. All he cares about is finding Sirius. He doesn't usually disappear - especially not on the nights of the full. He's always the most eager about the full moons. Something terrible must have happened.
Remus goes to find Poppy and tells her he's leaving, that he's taken his potion, and he's completely fine. She insists on casting a couple of diagnostic spells on him first to make sure he's definitely well enough to leave. When she finds out he's fine, she reluctantly allows him to go.
Lily and Remus rush up to Gryffindor Tower. Right before they get there though, Lily changes course. "I'm going to go and talk to Xeno and see if he might know where Sirius is."
"Good idea," Remus calls out. "Let me know if you find him."
He hurries through the common room and up the stairs to the dormitory. A part of him expects to find James and Sirius, but, unluckily, James is the only one in there. He's pacing across the room like an imprisoned man. When he notices Remus, he lets out a hopeful noise and hurries over to him.
"Sirius is missing!" James yells.
Remus wonders where Frank has been during all of this. Probably off somewhere with Alice, knowing him.
"I know," Remus nods. "What happened last night? Lily mentioned he came by."
James opens his mouth and then hesitates. The look on his face is almost pitiful, like he feels bad for Remus.
"What, James?"
"Sirius left his detention and he was on his way back to the dorm, but he ran into Snape..." James sighs and runs a hand down his face. "He almost told Snape."
"Told him what?"
"About the shack... about you..."
Remus halts.
No, James must have misunderstood. Sirius wouldn't do that. He wouldn't. Not ever.
"No," he shakes his head.
James looks like he's about to cry. Instead, he swallows and carries on. "I think something happened to him- before he ran into Snape, I mean."
"You mean, like, during the detention?" Remus frowns.
James nods. "He seemed really disassociated when he got here, but then the panic seemed to settle in and he just freaked out. He said that he almost told Snape, but then he realised what the fuck he was doing, and stopped himself. I- I don't think he actually would have told Snape anything, Remus. It's Sirius."
"What happened after that?" Remus asks, ignoring the rest of James' words.
"He looked like he was going to vomit, but instead he just started rambling about- fuck, I don't even know what. Anyway, he took the map from Pete's trunk and then ran out of the dorm. Peter and I didn't know what to do, the moon was soon, and Sirius was gone and we had no way of finding him." James starts anxiously twisting the ring on his finger. "Pete's been out all night looking for him, but he hasn't found him yet. He's looked everywhere, Remus. Even in the forest and Hufflepuff's room. I've stayed here all night in case he came back, but he hasn't, and I don't know where he is, and I-"
"James, it's going to be okay," Remus says, attempting to soothe his friend. He lays his hands gently on James' shoulders. "The last person who saw Sirius would have been Regulus, right?"
"Other than Snape, yeah," James confirms.
"Okay, I'm going to go and talk to him. You stay here in case he does come back," Remus instructs. "Don't worry, I'm gonna find him, James."
James nods, but his anxiety doesn't seem to settle. Remus isn't sure what else he can do right now. All he can think about is finding Sirius. He doesn't even bother thinking about the Snape thing. He knows Sirius, knows he never would have said anything. He stopped himself because he wouldn't betray Remus like that, not ever.
Remus knows that Sirius is spiralling right now. It's the only reason he would have run off, would have skipped the moon.
Remus makes it down to the dungeons in record time. He waits outside the entrance until one of the younger Slytherins comes out. He doesn't risk asking any of the older ones, he knows they wouldn't help him. It doesn't take long for the first-year Slytherin to retrieve Regulus. He looks paler than usual, dark rings beneath his eyes like he didn't sleep.
"Remus?" Regulus frowns when he spots him.
Remus gestures for him to follow and then starts walking down the corridor. He slips into an alcove and waits for Regulus to join him.
"What happened yesterday in your detention with Sirius?" Remus asks instantly.
"What?" Regulus' eyes drop to the floor.
"Something happened, didn't it?"
"Listen, Remus, you should just ask Sirius yourself-" Regulus starts, but Remus interrupts him.
"He's missing," he cuts in.
Remus might be going completely delusional, but he swears he sees concern flash across Regulus' features. The other boy stares at him for two seconds longer before sighing. "I'm not going to tell you what happened because it's not my thing to tell, but I might be able to help you find him."
"Okay, how?"
"Has Sirius ever disappeared like this before? He's the sort to disappear and hide when he's going through something, right?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"Right," Remus nods. His mind jumps back to third year when Sirius found out he was adopted, and how he had disappeared completely, map with him. Remus was the one who found him after hours of searching. Oh. Oh. "Regulus, you're a fucking genius." Without even thinking about it, Remus grabs the other boy and hugs him quickly before running out of the alcove and yelling over his shoulder, "Thanks!"
Remus sprints to the third floor, ignoring the way his joints protest every single movement. He can worry about those later.
The alcove is at the opposite end of a very long corridor, and Remus is too impatient to walk it, so he continues running. When he reaches it, a part of him expects it to be empty. Surely, Pete would have found him here. Although, Remus supposes, it is partially concealed by a statue, and it's right in the corner. It could be easily missed.
Remus falls to a halt, his hands on either corner of the alcove's entrance. He catches his breath as he casts his eyes around, and- Oh, there he is.
Sirius is sat in a ball, his knees pulled up to his chest, and his forehead pressed to them. Remus says his name, and Sirius jumps before looking up. The second he sees Remus, he straightens up from his spot on the floor and stares at Remus with tired, haunted eyes.
What happened to you?
"Remus," Sirius mumbles, panic drawn across his face.
"Sirius, are you okay? What-"
"Why are you here?" Sirius flinches and casts his eyes to the floor. "I- I don't deserve for you to be here. You shouldn't be here. I almost told Snape." His eyes widen like he still can't believe it, and Remus steps forward. He stands opposite Sirius, just watching the other boy unravel before him. "That's the worst possible thing I could ever do to you. I don't know what's wrong with me. There's something wrong with me, and I bet it has something to do with them. I'm a terrible friend, and you shouldn't forgive me. In fact, you should leave me here to- to- I mean, you probably hate me. You should hate me. If I were you, I would hate me-"
Remus kisses him.
It isn't something he plans to do. He doesn't even realise he's doing it until he feels Sirius gasp against him. It's just a brush of lips, a small connection, something sweet and soft. Something that says, I don't hate you. How could I ever hate you? Don't you see how much I love you?
He pulls away.
"Shit, sorry, I-"
Sirius grabs Remus' head and pulls him back down, connecting their lips in a kiss much more passionate than the last. It feels like the complete opposite of what turning for the moon feels like. It's all euphoria and want and more, more, more. Sirius' hands slide up into Remus' hair and pull at the strands on the nape of his neck. Remus lets out a growling noise, his mouth opening just enough for Sirius to slip his tongue into his mouth.
Remus loses control. His hands find Sirius' hips and grip him tightly, enough to bruise. He pushes the other boy into the opposite wall and something wolfish inside of him preens when Sirius lets out a low moan. Remus presses their bodies flush together, his mind completely disconnected right now.
Slowly, one of his hands drags up Sirius' side, making the boy shiver. He slides it up the front of Sirius' chest, and then across his cheek, and into his hair. Remus has always wanted to know what Sirius' hair feels like. Sure, he's touched it before, but not like this. He's never been able to fully get a grip on it in the past. Now, he feels as it spills through his fingers like liquid, smooth and silky.
The kiss is rough; it's messy and it's desperate. Their mouths clash together eagerly, teeth and tongue and warm breath. It feels like something that has been building up for centuries. The pressure so thick that, when it finally burst, it attacked.
When Remus finds it in himself to pull away - unfortunately, breathing is necessary, much to his disappointment - the worry hits him. Because oh fuck, he just snogged Sirius. He's been wanting to do it for so long, and now he has, and Sirius kissed him back. But what if he just did it because Remus kissed him first and he didn't want to embarrass him?
He swallows and steps back.
When their eyes meet again, Sirius speaks.
"Regulus is my brother."
It takes a moment for Remus' brain to catch up to what Sirius has said. His mind is too busy freaking out over the fact that he just kissed Sirius, and then was kissed back. The only reason he manages to pull himself together at all is because Sirius' words finally click.
Regulus is my brother.
"Wait... what?" Remus frowns, sure he's misheard.
"My real parents, they're Regulus' parents, too," Sirius mutters so quietly, he may as well be whispering.
Remus shakes his head, mouth slightly agape as he tries to process this. He scratches the top of his head and blinks rapidly.
"You mean you're..."
"A Black?" Sirius does whisper this time, eyes staring blankly at the spot just above Remus' shoulder. "Yeah."
Ridiculously, Remus' mind wanders to Regulus and James first. If this is true, then that means James has been dating Sirius' brother for over a year. Because Regulus is Sirius' brother.
Bloody hell.
He's Sirius' brother.
"How is that even possible?" Remus asks, finally dropping his hand. He has the urge to reach out, to take a hold of Sirius' hand and show him that he's here. Sirius is obviously struggling with this new information - and Remus can't really blame him; it is quite unbelievable. The last time he saw that disconnected look in Sirius' eyes was when he found him in this alcove two years ago. Back when Sirius first found out he was adopted.
"My mum is Regulus' cousin, and I'm her cousin. She told me I was her aunt's son, and the only aunt she had was Regulus' mother, so." Sirius shrugs, pressing back against the wall and sliding down it. Remus does the same until they are sitting opposite each other, their feet knocking.
"Are you okay?" There are more pressing matters to focus on right now - Sirius being a Black, them kissing - but Remus thinks that this is more important. He needs to make Sirius feel better before they start any difficult conversations.
"I don't think so, Moony," Sirius rasps, squeezing his arms tighter around his knees. A tear slides down his cheek before his face breaks open into a sob. Remus moves quickly, sliding across the small space and burrowing in beside Sirius. He wraps an arm around the other boy and brings him closer, resting his head on top of black curls.
"It's alright," he whispers. "You're allowed to not be okay about this. Give yourself time to assimilate, it's a lot to take in."
"He's my brother," Sirius says, voice cracking on the last word. "I mean, after everything- all of it, he's been my little brother this whole time. How is that fair? They didn't even tell me."
"Who?"
"My parents. They must have known the first time I mentioned him," Sirius explains, lifting his head enough for them to make eye contact again. "Don't you remember? The summer after first year when you came to mine for the first time. I mentioned Regulus and they froze."
Remus does remember. He wonders if Andy and Ted were shocked Sirius knew who Regulus was, or if they were surprised to find out that Regulus existed at all. They probably weren't expecting Sirius to come home from his first year of Hogwarts raving about a boy he hated, who went by the name Sirius once did.
"I remember," he murmurs. "Didn't they say it was dangerous for you to know, though? Your mum told you she would give you all the answers you wanted when you are of age, if you still want to. Maybe she thought she was protecting you."
"I don't care. I've just spent five years fighting with the brother I didn't even know I had." Sirius' voice is clearer now. Angrier, Remus realises. Still, he remains curled up against Remus, like it's the only thing keeping him from falling apart again. "I can't believe he's my brother. But... it sort of makes sense, now that I think about it."
"How does it make sense?" Remus questions, feeling like he's missed a step.
"I... uh... I've sort of been hanging out with him in the forest since January. Or, well, I haven't since April. But I- it's just that Padfoot wanted to-"
"Sirius, slow down. I'm confused. Why have you been hanging out with Regulus in the forest?"
Sirius looks slightly sheepish as he begins to explain. His hand is fiddling with the necklace hanging from Remus' neck.
"Well, I was in there as Padfoot once, because I like hanging around the forest. It's calming, and Padfoot loves it. Anyway, I was in there, and I heard someone, so I went to investigate, and it was Regulus." Something crosses Sirius' face, and Remus has a feeling Sirius is about to skip over something. Maybe something personal, so he doesn't question it. "He started speaking to me because, obviously, he didn't know Padfoot was me. He told me... things. Whenever I saw him going back to the forest on the map, I would go out there, too. Padfoot always liked seeing him, so I just... kept going."
"Were you guys... friends?" Remus asks slowly, unsure how Sirius will react.
Surprisingly, he hesitates before nodding. "Maybe. I- I kept blaming my want to go out there on Padfoot, but I think it's because I didn't want to admit that I actually liked going out there to listen to him talk about things. There was always this urge that I never understood."
"What sort of urge?"
"To protect him," Sirius frowns. "I think Padfoot must have been able to sense the relation or something. It sounds weird now that I say it out loud."
"Not really," Remus shakes his head thoughtfully. "If what you said is true, and Padfoot could sense it, then it does make sense that you would want to keep him safe. You protect the people you care about, Sirius, you always have."
"I don't..."
"What? Care about him?" Remus raises an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"
Sirius turns away to stare at the wall across from him. Remus can tell he's thinking about the question. Can practically see the interactions Sirius and Regulus have shared over the years shooting through Sirius' mind, reflecting in his eyes.
Eventually, he settles on, "All I know is that he's my brother and that means something to me, even if it doesn't to him." He pauses. Then, in the smallest voice Remus has ever heard come out of Sirius' mouth, says, "His mother hurts him."
Remus feels himself still. He sort of assumed as much. After all, the entire school knows what a cruel person Regulus' mother is, and has since their first year. But he'd hoped his suspicions weren't right. He wonders how Sirius knows, but doesn't ask. Maybe Regulus told him during one of their visits to the forest.
"Oh."
"Yeah, and he's about to go back home for the summer. I don't want him to. Why don't I want him to?" Sirius asks Remus, eyes pleading, like he's waiting for Remus to give him some response that will fix everything.
"Because, Sirius, you care," Remus tells him. "You might not want to, but you do, and that's okay. It shows that you're empathetic, which is not a bad thing to be. You have such a big heart. Is it really so odd that you have room for Regulus in there as well?"
"Yes," Sirius mumbles, but Remus can tell he isn't telling the truth. Remus chuckles lightly and Sirius copies him, smiling slightly. He looks up at Remus again. "So, what now?"
"You talk to him," Remus answers simply. "But not until you're ready."
"Okay," Sirius agrees. He pulls away from Remus completely, sending him a shy look.
Remus is suddenly reminded of their kiss and feels himself blush. Sirius opens his mouth to say something, probably some excuse about why he wouldn't want to do it again. Remus knows he probably took advantage of Sirius being in a vulnerable head space. He doesn't need to hear Sirius' lies about why he doesn't want to kiss him again, so he interrupts.
"We should get back to the dorm," he says, standing up quickly. Sirius, looking confused, stands too. "James and Peter are really worried about you. They didn't sleep."
A guilty expression befalls Sirius' face.
"Shit, I should have just told them to go to the-" Sirius' eyes widen. "Oh God, I- I almost told Snape. Remus, I-"
"It's okay," Remus assures him, stepping forward and placing a gentle hand on Sirius' shoulder. "I know you wouldn't have."
"But I-"
"Sirius," Remus interrupts, shutting Sirius up. "I forgive you, okay? Consider it forgotten."
Sirius looks like he wants to argue again. Instead, he just nods. "Okay."
***
Friday - 14th May, 1976
Regulus
James snapped. Regulus has been waiting for it to happen ever since he first realised just how angry James really was. He's just glad that he was there to help bring James back to himself afterwards.
Walking into their Transfiguration classroom and seeing James sitting in the middle of the wreckage he'd made felt like being dunked in freezing cold water. Regulus never truly let himself think about the destruction James could be capable of. A naïve part of him had assumed James would be able to resist that burning urge to smash everything in his path when he finally let the dam break. But he was wrong. Regulus doesn't like being wrong about James. He feels like he's always known James so wholly, even when they weren't friends.
Regulus went to bed that night feeling on the verge of a panic attack. James had shown him Hufflepuff's room, and it was beautiful, but all he could think about was how he would have to spend the next three months away from James. And after what happened between him and Snape, Regulus wasn't sure if it was a good idea for James to spend the next three months alone in his house. The house that overlooks the woods where his best friend was once murdered.
The next day, Regulus skipped the Hogsmeade trip, not up to spending a day fake-smiling and laughing with his friends in The Three Broomsticks. Instead, he remained in the castle.
Just before lunchtime, he headed down to the forest, desperate to speak to the dog. It hadn't shown up for weeks now, and Regulus was beginning to grow antsy. He hoped nothing happened to it in the forest. It's a dangerous place to be, and Regulus doubted a single dog would be able to outfight many of the creatures that lurk in there.
When the dog didn't show up again, he made his way back up to the castle, feeling all of his pent up energy coursing through his veins like some sort of toxic drug. He tried not to focus on the feeling as he made it through the courtyard. Much to his dismay, he ran into Sirius on his way into the castle.
Ever since Regulus stopped the fight between Snape and Sirius a few weeks ago, Sirius had been regarding Regulus with mutinous glares. Regulus had been doing his best to ignore them, but it was sometimes difficult to pretend like someone wasn't burning holes through the back of your head.
He practically smelt it coming when Sirius started to taunt him.
For James, Regulus attempted to ignore the other boy, and carried on. But Sirius was obviously in some sort of mood - probably something to do with his fight with Snape the day before. Of course, Sirius thought the perfect person to take his rage out on would be Regulus. That was just his luck.
Regulus didn't mean to punch him. It's the first time he's retaliated in ages - years. James would be furious with him if he found out, but Regulus couldn't stop himself. It was what Sirius said to him.
I can't believe I thought you actually meant it when you said you would run to the Muggle world if you could.
You're just a coward!
Regulus wasn't a coward. He knew he wasn't brave or noble, but a coward? No, he hadn't considered himself that for a long time.
And how did Sirius know one of his deepest secrets? About his dream to leave his family behind and escape to the Wizarding World.
Somehow, the fight spiralled from there, and they ended up in the hospital wing. Regulus didn't speak from the moment McGonagall found them, not even when she declared that they would be forced to spend the day together locked in her classroom. Just him and Sirius.
It wasn't until the door clicked shut and he felt the wards form around them that he said, "Well, this is just excellent."
The first couple of hours were spent in silence. Regulus didn't utter another word, nor did Sirius. Regulus remained sat on one of the windowsills, staring out at the summer day he was missing. He wondered if his friends were looking for him - would McGonagall tell them where he was?
Sirius was across the room, carving something into a desk with his wand before repairing it and starting over.
When Regulus got bored, he decided to go into his own mind using his legilimency. It was easy to get lost in there, but he'd trained himself long ago to not get buried beneath the bad memories. He kept those locked away, hidden in a dingy corner for no one to find. Instead, he focused on the memories that contained James, and spent a long time just doing that.
By the time he tuned back into the world around him, Sirius was sat between the stacks at the back of McGonagall's classroom. There was a book in his lap and his eyes were moving rapidly down the page, reading at a pace Regulus had never seen from anyone before.
Feeling numb from being sat on the stone windowsill for so long, Regulus decided to practice some Transfiguration that he'd been having trouble with. They started on sixth-year work right before their O.W.Ls, and Regulus had been struggling with the whole turning a table into a pig business.
Who would want to turn their table into a farmyard animal anyway?
Regulus practiced for hours and hours, but wasn't getting the hang of it. At least, not until Sirius decided to be helpful for once. Regulus ignored the voice in his head that was telling him to curse the other boy, and let him help him instead. It was a long and embarrassing ordeal, but, eventually, he was successful with the spell.
Regulus only ate half of the dinner that was spelled up to him by the house-elves, not feeling very hungry. Instead of eating, he watched out the window as the Gryffindor Quidditch team - minus Sirius, of course - started to play a juvenile game together. Regulus watched James soar around the sky, hair blowing in the light summer wind, face surely alight with joy.
When Sirius joined him, Regulus almost pushed him off the windowsill. They had a somewhat neutral conversation after that - if they were even capable of such a thing - and then Sirius was forcing Regulus to play hangman with him. Honestly, Regulus hadn't played that game since he was twelve.
Once they grew bored of it, Regulus planned to go back to the windowsill, but then Sirius patted the spot beside him, where he was sat on McGonagall's desk. Regulus only obliged because he was so confused by the invitation.
They then proceeded to have the strangest conversation ever. Regulus realised not too long into the conversation that it was longest they had ever actually spoken. Regulus was more honest than he meant to be, but it was almost... easy talking to Sirius. Maybe that was because they had spent years exploiting each other's vulnerabilities, they knew each other's uglies. Maybe it was because Regulus was finally seeing the side of Sirius Tonks that James and Remus saw every day. It was odd, but Regulus found that he no longer felt uncomfortable being trapped in the room with him. Before then, it had reminded him a bit of when his mother used to lock him in a cupboard as punishment, only this cupboard was bigger and had someone he loathed in it.
When Sirius started telling him about his parents, something clicked in Regulus' mind. Two names he had spent months - years - searching for, and here they were. Being handed to him by the person he would have least expected to have a connection to them.
Ted and Andy.
Andy.
Andromeda.
The horrible realisation that he was related to Sirius dawned on him almost instantly. It only made sense. The stories were too similar.
But the moment he worked out that they weren't only related, but brothers...
Regulus ran.
He's always running, isn't he? He ran when James kissed him for the first time, and he was running now.
Maybe he was a coward.
After all this time, Sirius was his fucking brother. He couldn't believe it, didn't want to. It just couldn't be true.
But it was.
He knew it was.
Regulus ran, and he didn't stop until he was in his dormitory. He jumped into bed, completely ignoring Evan and Barty's questions, and spelled his curtains shut. He begged himself to fall asleep, but it wouldn't happen. He spent the night trying his very best to disassociate, but it didn't happen. He tucked himself up into a tight ball in his bed and stared at his knees until daylight began to break out across the dorm room.
Regulus gets out of bed just after seven. They don't have lessons, as they finished their exams already. Regulus doesn't understand why they haven't been sent home two weeks early, but you won't catch him complaining about that. Anything to keep him out of that horrid house for as long as possible.
He goes into the bathroom and changes out of his clothes from the day before. He has a shower, knowing Evan will want to jump in here as soon as he's up. The warm water doesn't wash away the uncomfortable, tight feeling of his skin on his bones. He feels like he's being stretched thin, suffocating under his own flesh.
When he exits the bathroom, towel slung around his waist because he forgot to bring a spare change of clothes with him, Evan and Barty are both sat in their pyjamas on Evan's bed. They look up at him the moment they hear his wet feet slap against the floorboards.
Regulus gets dressed in silence, listening to his two friends whisper between themselves. He can't quite make out what they're saying, so he decides to just wait and see if they are going to try to talk to him.
Once he's dressed, he turns around and finds them both staring at him.
"Good morning."
"Morning, Reggie," Barty responds, smiling a bit too enthusiastically to be considered normal.
"Are you alright?" Evan asks, standing and making his way towards Regulus. He stops when there are only a couple of feet left between them. "I heard you tossing and turning all night, and Slughorn told us that you got detention with Tonks all of yesterday. What happened?"
Regulus shrugs. "We got into a fight."
"Did he start it?" Barty growls, getting up from Evan's bed and walking across the room to join them. He stands just behind Evan, close enough to make Regulus question how Barty can be so oblivious.
"I did, actually," he responds lightly. "Punched him in the face."
The two boys stare at him silently for a moment, but then Barty lets out a loud, cackling laugh. Evan just continues to stare, concerned, at Regulus.
"Why did you punch him?" Evan questions, eyebrows furrowing.
"He just annoyed me," Regulus says, moving to walk around them. Evan reaches out and grabs his arm, but then he quickly drops it, muttering an apology.
"I'm going to go get a shower," Barty declares, eyeing the two of them like he knows they need a moment alone. He goes into the bathroom and Regulus listens as the water is turned on.
"What?"
"Something's wrong," Evan murmurs, eyes searching. "Regulus, tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," he shakes his head, silently begging Evan not to push this time.
"Regulus," Evan presses.
"No, Evan, I can't," he snaps, ignoring the way Evan flinches back. "If I say it out loud- if I even let myself think it, then it becomes real."
"Let me help you," Evan says. "Please."
"I'm surprised you don't already know what I'm going on about," Regulus mumbles pettily. Then, it strikes him. "Fucking Pandora."
"What?"
"She's known this whole time!" Regulus half-yells. "She-"
"Listen, Regulus. Whatever Pandora knows, it isn't her fault. Remember that," Evan implores, holding out his hands as if to steady Regulus. "I know you're upset right now, even if I have no idea why, but this isn't her fault."
"Isn't her fault," Regulus repeats mockingly. "How could she not tell me this ?"
"What?" Evan raises his voice.
"THAT SIRIUS IS MY FUCKING BROTHER!" Regulus shouts.
The room falls silent. Evan is staring at him with eyes so wide, Regulus instantly realises that he can't have known either.
Regulus doesn't even notice the other person in the room.
"What the fuck did you just say?" Barty asks, an incredulous expression on his face.
Both Regulus and Evan swivel on the spot to look at the other boy. They haven't been arguing for that long, so Barty can't have gotten in the shower yet.
"Why aren't you in the shower?" Regulus asks, voice blank.
"I forgot to bring clothes with me," Barty answers. "But let's backtrack first. What the fuck did you just say?"
Regulus wants to yell, he wants to scream and shout. But mostly, he wants to cry. Somehow, even through all of this, he can't fucking cry. Instead of crying, his body responds in the only way it knows how when he feels this much at once. His throat closes up and his lungs stop working.
Evan is by his side in a second, helping him to the closest bed. Regulus sits down on it, feels the silk covers beneath his fingertips, but the soft texture of them is almost too much. He needs something rough, something to ground him.
He reaches up to scrunch at his shirt, just above his chest, as he tries to breathe. His eyes clench shut. Evan reaches out to pull Regulus' hand away from his shirt before replacing it with his own, gentle and grounding. He feels as the other side of the bed dips. Barty. A hand rubbing circles on his back, not too much pressure, just a light touch, enough to be comforting.
When his breathing becomes regular again, the other boys pull away, but they don't leave his sides. Regulus looks at them both, patient and waiting for him to give them some kind of explanation. Sometimes, he forgets how soft Barty can be. He's usually so much, and not in a bad way. He just exists loudly, like a firework. He's made of sharp edges - most people see that and expect him to cut, but the people who know what it's like to actually be cut know that it isn't the sharp edges you should look out for, it's the ones that bruise. It's just Barty's shell. On the inside, he's vibrant and passionate. He's kind when he cares, and Regulus got lucky enough to be one of the people Barty Crouch cares about.
"Sirius is my brother," he repeats, thankful when it doesn't trigger another panic attack.
"How?" Evan asks, sounding just as confused as Regulus is.
"I have no idea," he shakes his head. "Narcissa and Bellatrix had a sister. Her name was Andromeda - apparently she stole him not long after he was born."
"Why?" Barty frowns.
"Why not?" Regulus laughs, but there's no humour in it. "If you could escape your family, wouldn't you?" He directs the question at both of them, but neither answer.
"What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know," Regulus answers honestly. "I'm not even ready to think about it yet. I don't want to think about it."
"Okay," Barty nods, drawing Regulus' attention back to him. "No one is forcing you to deal with this now. If you can't yet, then don't. Give yourself time to process it first and then, when you're ready, you can figure out your next move. You know you have us if you need."
Regulus smiles. "Thanks, Barty."
Regulus tries not to think about the fact that Barty may not be here next year. If his father moves him to Durmstrang, Regulus is going to riot.
Taking in a deep breath, Regulus speaks again.
"I'm going to get some fresh air," he says, getting up from the bed and walking over to the door.
"Would you like some company?" Evan asks, even though he hasn't had his morning shower yet.
"No, I'll be okay," Regulus assures him, smiling briefly before slipping out the door.
The common room is almost empty when he makes it down there. It isn't even eight o'clock in the morning yet, so people are either still in bed or in the Great Hall having breakfast before their lessons.
He almost doesn't notice the person sitting by the fire. Were it not for their bright, white hair, he probably wouldn't have.
Regulus sighs when Pandora turns around and spots him. She wanders over to him, looking nervous like she was expecting this. He supposes she was.
"Pandora, I really don't want to talk to you right now," Regulus says, trying not to sound mean. Logically, he knows it isn't her fault, but it's still a lot to digest, and he needs some time. Even if it's just a day, or a few hours. He's still trying to wrap his head around the fact that she's known for all these years.
"Please, Reggie, I just want to say I'm-"
"Pandora," Regulus cuts in, holding his hand up to silence her. "I don't want to see you."
Hurt crosses her face before she quickly buries it away. She sniffs and nods before wordlessly making her way towards the exit. Regulus sits down in front of the fireplace and buries his face in his hands.
When a first-year approaches him, he assumes they are going to ask him how to get somewhere, since he's a Prefect. However, he's surprised when they tell him that there's a Gryffindor waiting just outside for him.
He prays to Merlin himself that it isn't Sirius. Or James.
Oh, fuck. What if Sirius told James?
Luckily, it's neither of them.
Remus is waiting in the corridor, playing with a necklace hanging around his neck in an obvious display of anxiety. Regulus knows the full moon was last night, so he doesn't know why Remus is down in the dungeons looking for him this early in the day. He should be in bed resting.
"Remus?" Regulus frowns.
When Remus gestures for him to follow him down the corridor, Regulus goes without an argument. Remus slides into an alcove, the one Regulus and James frequent whenever James walks Regulus back to the dungeons. Regulus hesitates before joining him.
Remus wastes no time before he starts bombarding Regulus with questions about Sirius.
"Listen, Remus, you should just ask Sirius yourself-" Regulus starts, feeling far too tired and unprepared for this conversation. Remus, however, interrupts him.
"He's missing."
Regulus almost chokes as concern overwhelms him. He tries not to let it show on his face, not wanting Remus to notice it, but he's not sure if he succeeds. After a couple of seconds, he sighs. He can't just not help, not when Remus looks so worried, and James is surely just as beside himself with it.
"I'm not going to tell you what happened because it's not my thing to tell, but I might be able to help you find him."
"Okay, how?" Remus asks quickly.
Regulus offers his advice, something he hopes will prove useful. It takes a second before Remus' eyes light up with realisation. Remus lunges forward and wraps his arms around Regulus speedily. He hardly has time to react before Remus is pulling away. He runs out of the alcove, yelling a fast, "Thanks," over his shoulder.
Weirdly, Regulus doesn't mind the hug. Sure, it was abrupt and out of nowhere, just as he doesn't like it, but it was nice. Remus really is his friend. It's a strange, yet relieving thing to admit to himself.
Regulus goes for a short walk around the grounds before heading back to the Slytherin common room, where he finds Barty and Evan sitting close together on a couch. They are whispering between themselves, serious expressions on their faces.
"Did you have a good walk?" Evan asks him the moment he notices him, sliding across the couch to leave enough room for him to join them. He sits down between them both.
"Yeah, I feel less suffocated now."
"That-"
"Evan!"
The three of them groan simultaneously as Alecto Carrow saunters over to where they're sitting. She perches on the arm of the couch, right beside where Evan is sitting. He leans away from her, into Regulus' space, but he can't blame him. He would do the same thing.
Alecto reaches out and places a claw-like hand on Evan's shoulder, gripping it tightly. The look of disgust on Evan's face would be clear to anyone in the room, but Alecto's either always been blind to it or very good at ignoring it.
"I've noticed you haven't seen Holly in a while. Finally moved on and realised there's someone better out there for you?" She smiles like that someone would be her.
"No, we're still engaged," Evan replies. He lifts Alecto's hand off his shoulder by her wrist and rests it back on her own leg, gulping as he does.
"But you don't want to be, right? She doesn't seem your type," Alecto tilts her head and crosses her arms.
"You wouldn't know my type," Evan snorts and Regulus can't help but laugh, too.
Alecto completely ignores this comment, too, and reaches her hand out again. The moment Evan flinches back, Barty stands up from the couch. Regulus watches it happen in slow motion as Barty reaches out and pushes Alecto off the couch. She lands with a whine and then glares up at him.
"Stop fucking touching him. He obviously doesn't like it," Barty snarls, regarding her with a deadly look.
Regulus glances at Evan, who is staring up at Barty like he just proposed to him.
Alecto jumps up from the floor and gains on Barty, who pulls out his wand and points it in her face. To her credit, Alecto doesn't even flinch. She sneers and gives Barty a look that says, I dare you to do it.
Well, she really shouldn't have done that because Barty has no impulse control.
"Vomica," Barty hisses.
Alecto lets out a shrill scream and then starts crying. She looks at Barty as if she didn't believe he would actually do it, which amuses Regulus because everyone who even slightly knows Barty Crouch Junior knows that he will always take up the chance to curse someone. Especially, if he doesn't like them.
Cursed boils start to break out across Alecto's face, making her skin blotchy and red. She sends one final glare Barty's way before storming up to the girls' dormitories.
"We should probably go before she gets her brother," Regulus says, getting up from his spot on the couch. He looks at Evan, who is still staring at Barty with awe in his eyes. "Are you coming, Evan?"
He blinks. "Hmm? What? Oh, right, yeah."
"I hate her," Barty grumbles, clearly still ticked off. "I actually fucking hate her. Like, if she died, I would have a party." He lets out a frustrated noise and stops walking, turning so that he's facing both Regulus and Evan. "Every time she touches you, I want to-"
"Want to what?" Evan questions.
"I'll sound insane."
"You always sound insane."
Barty huffs. "I want to cut off her hands and feed them to her. Whilst her freaky brother watches. I can't just torture one without torturing the other, that would be a waste of fun."
Regulus' eyebrows raise as he continues to walk towards the dormitories. As crazy as it sounds, that was basically a love confession.
When they get to the dormitory, Barty changes the subject completely and starts asking Regulus if he has any other secrets.
"Sirius being my brother wasn't a secret I kept from you," Regulus explains tiredly. "I didn't even know until yesterday."
"Yeah, but still." Barty drops down onto Regulus' bed, lying on his stomach as Regulus perches on the end of it. Evan joins them, sitting on the other side of Barty. "I feel like you're always off whispering with Evan and Pandora. Come on, tell me a secret, Reggie."
Regulus rolls his eyes. Then.
Okay, he knows he probably shouldn't risk anyone else knowing, but he's been meaning to let Barty in on this for a while now, as he's the only one of their friends who doesn't know.
"You want a secret?" Regulus smirks.
"Oh no," Evan mumbles, unable to stop himself from laughing.
"Oh yes!" Barty exclaims, sitting up. "It must be really good if Evan's saying that."
"It's good," Regulus nods.
"Well?" Barty asks impatiently.
Regulus makes eye contact with Evan, who just shakes his head as if to say, If you do tell him, it's on you. His eyes jump back over to Barty, who is grinning eagerly.
"I'm dating someone."
Barty gasps. "Who?"
"Do I tell him, Evan?"
"Mm, I don't know if you should," Evan says, playing along. "It might be too much for his little heart to take."
"Evan knows? I need to know!" Barty shouts.
"Well, only if you think you can handle it," Regulus grins, enjoying himself far too much right now.
"I can handle it," Barty tuts, crossing his arms.
"Okay then," Regulus says. "It's James Potter."
"Ha ha, very funny," Barty rolls his eyes. "Who is it really?"
"See? I told you that you couldn't handle it," Regulus shrugs.
"Oh, Merlin- You're not joking, are you?" Barty shrieks, jumping up from the bed and just staring at Regulus like he's just admitted to killing someone.
"No, he's not," Evan sighs. "His head has been turned by a Gryffindor."
"I mean, I'm more surprised by the whole gay part honestly," Barty says, resting his hands on his hips. "Actually, you know what. It does make sense. You never talk about girls."
"That's because I don't like them like that."
"No shit," Evan mutters.
"Wow," Barty says, sitting back down on the bed. "So, you're actually dating Potter?"
Regulus nods.
"Why?"
"What do you mean 'why'?" Regulus frowns, feeling offended on James' behalf. "Have you seen him?"
Barty thinks about it for a moment. "I mean, yeah, I guess. He would definitely make it to my 'If-I-Was-A-Girl' list."
Evan's head snaps to the side so fast, it cracks. He looks at Barty in disbelief, then at Regulus, who just snickers.
"How long have you been together?" Barty asks.
"A year and ten days."
"But who's counting?" Evan snorts.
"A year ?" Barty gapes. "Fucking hell. Wait, who else knows?"
Regulus grimaces. "Pandora, Scarlett and Dorcas."
Barty blinks. "So, all of our friends?"
"Yes?" Regulus winces. "Pandora and Evan knew before me because of their seer powers, or whatever, and Scarlett and Dorcas figured it out by themselves. So, I didn't tell anyone. You're technically the first person I've told."
"Do any of the Gryffindors know?"
"Remus does."
"You told Remus Lupin before you told me?" Barty frowns.
"No, he figured it out for himself," Regulus says, feeling as a blush stretches up his cheeks.
"Oh, Merlin, he walked in on you two, didn't he?" Barty laughs.
"Walked in on you doing what?" Evan asks, looking delighted.
Regulus flicks invisible dust off his trousers as he feels his face go even redder. "We were just... snogging."
"Mhm," Barty hums, grinning like a child on Christmas morning. "And is that all you two have done?"
Regulus goes to lie, but the words don't come.
"Oh, this is the best day of my life," Barty cackles, dropping back against Regulus' pillows.
"Why is that?" Scarlett questions.
All three boys turn to watch as Dorcas and Scarlett enter the room. He wonders if they knocked. He isn't sure he would have heard it over Barty's laughing.
"Regulus finally told him about James," Evan says.
"Oh, finally!" Dorcas grins. "It's hilarious, isn't it? You know, Pandora and I caught him with a hickey-"
"Who?"
"James!"
"Regulus Arcturus Black !" Barty crows, sounding scandalised.
"That's exactly what I said," Dorcas chuckles.
"I regret telling him now," Regulus tells Evan and Scarlett, who are watching Dorcas and Barty with amused expressions.
"Where's Pandora?" Barty asks.
Regulus drops his gaze to the mattress, feeling guilty.
"When Scarlett and I asked Isadora, she said Pandora wouldn't get out of her bed," Dorcas frowns.
Regulus sighs. "It's my fault."
"What did you do?" Evan asks, voice stern.
His eyes sink shut. "I told her I didn't want to see her. I should go and apologise."
"Yeah, you'd better," Evan says, eyes narrowing.
When Regulus makes it to Ravenclaw Tower, he manages to get there just as a group of students are leaving, so he doesn't have to deal with some stupid riddle. The common room is almost empty, spare a few students who are bent over desks and a small group who are sitting in front of the fireplace. Regulus notices Astro and Xenophilius are on one of the couches, so he makes his way over to them.
It's been a week or so since he's spoken to Astro. They've been busy with their O.W.Ls, so they haven't had much spare time to do any family bonding.
It hits Regulus then that Astro isn't just his cousin, but Sirius', too.
"Good morning, Regulus," Xenophilius greets him with a kind smile. Astro, who had been facing away from Regulus, turns to look at him.
"Oh, hello," Astro says, looking surprised to see him. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to Pandora. Have you seen her?" He nervously twists the ring Dorcas got him around his finger as he waits for a response.
"She went somewhere this morning, but when she came back she looked really upset," Astro explains, making Regulus' stomach sink. "Isadora said she hasn't come out of her bed."
Regulus sends a worried glance towards the stair that lead to the girls' dormitories. When he looks back down at the boys, he asks if either of them have a way to get Pandora down here. The stairs will turn into a slide if Regulus even attempts to climb up them.
"Gwen's over there," Astro points to a girl across the room. "I'll ask her to tell Pandora that you're looking for her if you want."
"Yes, please," Regulus says, giving him a grateful smile.
It takes just over five minutes for Gwen to go and get Pandora. Regulus wonders if she wants to see him at all. He was unnecessarily rude - and to Pandora. He's never rude to Pandora.
His heart drops when he notices the puffiness of her eyes, her cheeks a blotchy red that tells him she's been crying. Pandora tries to hide it, rubbing beneath her eyes and covering part of her face with her long hair, but Regulus sees the sadness in her eyes.
"Hello, Regulus."
"Pandora, I-" He glances around and notices that Xenophilius and Astro are watching them, so he leads them over to a quiet corner of the common room. He sits down on one of the window seats and gestures for Pandora to join him. She does, if a bit hesitantly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said I didn't want to see you, that wasn't true. I just- I didn't sleep last night and everything is sort of all over the place, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry."
"Reggie, I get it," Pandora replies. "I can't imagine what it would be like if I didn't know Evan was my brother, but my best friend did and never told me. I- I wanted to tell you so many times, but I couldn't. I can't risk the future, it's already capricious enough as it is. I wish I could tell you everything because I don't want to hurt you, but I just can't. And it'll probably hurt you again, and I'm sorry for that..."
Regulus gets it, he really does. He wonders what future Pandora could be holding onto with such a tight grip. Surely, something happy, right? He doubts she would be fighting this hard for a future full of nothing but misery and tragedy. He just needs to trust her, and he does.
"I trust you," he tells her, knowing it's what she needs to hear right now. Relief washes over her features and Regulus reaches out to pull her into a hug. Pandora squeezes back, tighter than usual. "I know. My reaction wasn't rational. It was just so much to take in- I have a brother."
"Yeah, you do," Pandora whispers. Regulus can hear the smile in her voice. When they eventually pull away from each other, she speaks again. "Do you remember when I told you that you wouldn't want to accept something coming in your future? But that you needed to."
"Yes," Regulus nods, confused. He thought that had to do with James, though.
Pandora smiles knowingly. "Part of that does concern James, but a large part of it is this, too. He's your brother. You don't have to embrace that today, or even in a month, but one day you'll want to. So, let yourself."
Sunday - 16th May, 1976
Regulus almost doesn't go to Slughorn's end of year dinner party. He doesn't want to see Sirius, he's just spent the last four days avoiding him. However, Barty manages to convince him to come.
So, that's where he is now. He's wearing robes that make his skin itch, and his hair is gelled behind his ears. He wishes he was in bed or in Ravenclaw's room with James. Speaking of which, James is across the room, talking to Evans and Pandora right now. His hair is it's regular mess - Regulus bets he could make it look even messier if he ran his hands through it - and he's wearing red robes that bring out the brown in his eyes.
"It's weird seeing you make googly eyes at James," Barty says as he comes up to Regulus' side.
"Yeah, well, it's weird seeing you cosy up to Slughorn," Regulus retorts, taking a long sip from his glass of sparkling water. "Why were you doing that, anyway?"
"I'm hoping that if I get on Sluggy's good side, he'll recommend me to Dumbledore for the Defence position in a few years time," Barty explains, a bashful expression on his face.
"Is that what you spoke to him about during your career meeting?"
"Yeah," Barty nods. "I know it's probably not the first thing you'd picture me doing with my life, but I think I'd be really good at it."
"You would," Regulus agrees. Then, smirking, "Until a student pisses you off and you curse them."
Barty snorts. "What ever do you mean? I have fantastic impulse control."
Regulus can't help but laugh at that.
Someone behind them clears their throat. Regulus and Barty both turn around to see who it is and Regulus almost flinches back when he realises it's Sirius.
"I'm gonna go bother Scarlett," Barty says suddenly, leaving Regulus alone with him.
Great. Thanks, Barty.
Dickhead.
"Can we talk?" Sirius asks, voice low enough that only Regulus would be able to hear it.
"I can't," Regulus shakes his head, taking a step back and then another.
"Wait-"
"No, Sirius," Regulus snaps. He shoots a quick look around the room to make sure he hasn't caught anyone else's attention. "I can't. Not right now," he says before marching across the room towards the door. He shouldn't have come, he can't do this. It's too much, too soon.
He still needs time.
Sunday - 30th May, 1976
It takes Regulus over two weeks after the detention to gain the courage to even approach Sirius. It's the last day before they go home for the summer, so Regulus knows that if he doesn't speak to Sirius now, then he won't at all. He doesn't want to be stewing in this feeling for the next three months, not when Grimmauld is already suffocating enough as it is.
Regulus looks everywhere for Sirius, but doesn't find him until he makes his way down to the Quidditch pitch. It's almost empty, except for the figure shooting through the air, flying like his life depends on it.
Sirius doesn't spot him at first, so Regulus makes his way up to the stands. When Sirius does notice him, he flies over and lands loudly. They stare at each other for a moment, and Regulus realises then just how nervous he is. He clears his throat and then, tentatively, pats the spot beside him, just as Sirius did that day with the desk.
Sirius places his broom gently down on the ground and then sits next to Regulus.
"We should talk."
"You're ready to?" Sirius asks, as if checking to make sure Regulus is comfortable. It's peculiar having Sirius Tonks act like he cares. Regulus is so used to him either sneering or smirking, now his face is marred with nothing but seriousness.
Regulus nods. "I think so. I've been talking to Pandora about it and-"
"Pandora knows?" Sirius tilts his head to the side.
"Yes, but I didn't tell her. She's sort of a seer," Regulus frowns, not sure if he's supposed to be telling Sirius this, also not certain he's able to explain it.
"Does anyone else know?"
"Evan and Barty," Regulus answers, grimacing apologetically. "I told them, but it was sort of an accident."
"Okay," Sirius nods slowly.
"Did you tell anyone?" Regulus asks.
"Remus," Sirius replies instantly. "He's the only person who knows about my adoption, and I needed to tell someone. Oh, and Xeno knows."
"Xenophilius?" Regulus' eyebrows furrow.
"Yeah, he's also sort of a seer," Sirius explains, side-eyeing Regulus like he's expecting him to deny it. "He already knew, too."
"Are you going to tell any of your other friends?" Are you going to tell James?
"I don't know," Sirius shrugs, fiddling with his tie. "They don't even know that I was adopted, or stolen, or whatever you want to call it. If I do tell them, it won't be yet."
"Alright," Regulus murmurs. "I still don't quite understand what happened with you."
"What do you mean?"
"You say you were stolen. How?" Regulus has been thinking about it a lot over the last couple of weeks, and he still doesn't understand how it could have happened. How Andromeda would have been successful.
"I don't know everything, but I can tell you what I do know..." Sirius offers, an olive branch.
When Regulus nods, Sirius starts explaining. He tells Regulus about how Andromeda noticed he was being abused, so she stole him away. How there was apparently a trial and Alphard helped Andromeda and Ted through the whole harrowing process. He mentions that his birth father - Orion - apparently helped, too. That both surprises Regulus and makes an awful lot of sense. But a part of him wonders why his father didn't try and get him out, too? Did he love Sirius more? Or was it the other way around? Could he not bare to part with another son?
Sirius tells him that he is going to talk to his parents when he gets home. He's going to make them tell him everything, it's the least that he deserves.
"And you," Sirius adds. "You deserve to know the truth, too. So, whatever they tell me, I'll share with you."
They both agree not to tell anyone else, not until they have all the facts, and not until this is a less raw subject.
"What now?" Regulus asks, staring off into the distance. The sun is beginning to set now, the leaves of the forest trees are blowing lightly beneath the gentle breeze of the evening.
"I don't know. We send each other Christmas cards and start sharing our deepest, darkest secrets with each other? I have no idea what brothers do," Sirius admits.
"I... I don't think I'm ready to be that yet," Regulus confesses, feeling slightly guilty as he does. He's been talking to Pandora about it for a while, and he isn't prepared to just accept Sirius in his life as his brother, not yet. It's too vast of a transition, and Regulus hates change. He's already struggling to grasp with the fact that it's true.
"Why not?"
When Regulus turns to face Sirius, he finds the other boy frowning, disappointment clear on his face. Regulus hadn't been under the impression that Sirius was particularly eager to start a brotherhood with him either. The last time he checked, they didn't like each other.
"I can't just go from loathing you to accepting a Christmas card from you," Regulus sighs. "I don't trust you, or even know you..."
"We could try ?" Sirius suggest, face twisting. "What if we show each other that we can trust the other? That could be a beginning."
A beginning.
Regulus thinks back to the first day on the train, back almost five years ago now, when Sirius introduced himself, a bright grin on his face. He looked ready to befriend Regulus at first, but that was before they realised they didn't like each other. Regulus wonders whether they would ever be able to get to that small moment of before.
The beginning.
"Maybe," he nods. "How do you plan to show me that I can trust you?"
"Well, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," Sirius winces.
"What?"
"If I tell you, you can't tell anyone," Sirius demands.
"Fine."
"Fine?"
"Fine," Regulus sighs.
Sirius narrows his eyes and then holds his pinkie out. "Swear it."
Regulus rolls his eyes. "I am not about to pinkie promise-"
"Swear it," Sirius repeats, wiggling his finger in Regulus' face.
Regulus tuts. "Alright, fine." He wraps his pinkie finger around Sirius' and promises.
"I'm an Animagus," Sirius announces.
"Yeah right," Regulus scoffs.
"No, really, I am. But it's not just that... I'm the dog," he confesses.
Regulus doesn't know what he's talking about at first, but then it registers. That's the reason Sirius knows Regulus' secret about wanting to run away to the Muggle world. He wasn't just randomly in the forest that day, he was the dog. This whole time.
"I- I told you things that..." He stops, doesn't even know what to say. He spoke to the dog about things he wouldn't even tell James or Pandora. Things buried deep in his soul. "I told you about my dad."
"Technically, he's our dad-"
"Sirius."
"Look, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have come back after the first time, but I couldn't help myself. It's just, you were so-"
"Do not pity me," Regulus growls.
"I'm not," Sirius holds his hands up in surrender. "I didn't keep coming back because I felt bad for you."
"Then why?"
"Because I wanted to," Sirius snaps. He takes a deep breath. Then, in a much calmer voice, "I wanted to because it was nice."
"Nice?" Regulus repeats, confused by the word.
Sirius looks like he would rather be anywhere else right now. "It was nice... to hang out with you. You're not all bad."
Regulus knows it's a bit ridiculous, but he laughs.
"Stop laughing!"
"Sorry, but that was hilarious," Regulus snickers. "You looked like you were going to be sick."
"I feel like I might," Sirius mumbles, looking away.
When Regulus settles down again, he says, "I can't believe you're an Animagus. When did you do it?"
"Well, we completed the process in fourth year, but it took years," Sirius replies.
"We ?" Regulus' eyes widen.
Sirius covers his mouth with his hands as he realises what he's just done. "Shit."
"Who is we?"
"No one!"
"Sirius."
"Stop saying my name like that," Sirius groans. "For fuck's sake."
"Who? Pettigrew? Longbottom? Potter?"
"Not Frank," Sirius' eyes sink shut.
Not Frank. So, James and Peter.
Oh Merlin. That's James' Secret. That's what he's been hiding from Regulus. He's an Animagus? How does that have anything to do with the full moon?
Werewolves don't harm animals.
"Hold on a moment," Sirius lifts his head from where he had buried it in his hands. "Why didn't you guess Remus?"
"Because I doubt he would want to be an animal anymore than he's forced to be," Regulus responds.
"How the fuck do you know that?"
"I figured it out about a year ago," Regulus shrugs. "I'm not going to tell anybody."
"You better not," Sirius threatens.
"I won't. There's no need to get all defensive of your boyfriend," Regulus rolls his eyes.
Sirius blanches. "Remus is not my boyfriend."
Regulus raises an eyebrow. "Right."
"What?"
"Nothing," Regulus smirks. "So, you all became Animagi to... what? Spend the moons with him?"
Sirius sighs and appears to accept the fact that Regulus knows all of his secrets now. "Yeah. We didn't want him to be alone."
Something fond curls in Regulus' chest, but he tries to ignore it.
Monday - 31st May, 1976
When Regulus steps into Grimmauld Place on the first day of summer, he feels a strange sort of security wrap around him. He knows his family's biggest secret now - he has leverage.
Kreacher takes his bags from him and disappears, but not before informing him that Walburga is out of the house until tea time and Orion is in his office. So, Regulus takes this as his opportunity to finally get some answers.
Firstly, he goes to the drawing room and examines the family tapestry. There is now a scorch mark where Alphard's face once was. Curiously, Regulus finds no trace of Astro on the tree, not even burnt off. It's as if he doesn't even exist.
His eyes wander to the scorch marks that are Andromeda and her family. He stares at the letters Si and realises that must be Sirius. The truth was staring him in the face this whole time. He wonders how Sirius' name came to be beneath Andromeda's, instead of below Walburga and Orion's like Regulus' is. He notices the twisted branch that curls away from where Sirius' face should be and assumes it used to connect to his real parents.
Feeling slightly enraged by all of the lies and the cover-ups, Regulus marches his way up to his father's office and enters without so much as knocking.
"Oh, hello, Regulus," his father smiles, looking ill and decrepit behind his desk.
"Father," Regulus says blandly. He takes a seat opposite Orion, his posture straight enough that he falls higher than his father, who is slightly hunched. "When were you planning on telling me that I have a brother?"
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Regulus has been holding himself back for years - that punch was years in the making.
- the detention! it's the first scene I ever thought of for this fic, back two years ago. This fic is loosely inspired by 'The Parent Trap', which is why I wanted the Black Brothers reveal to be when they were alone in detention, and they figure it out by themselves. See? If they just spoke amicably for five minutes, they would've figured it out a long time ago.
- Regulus and Sirius kind of getting along <3
- Minnie!! <3 She really said "I'm grounding you, now go to my room"
- Regulus running away again - he's a runner, he's a track star 🎵🎶
- Also, Regulus watching James flying about. And! Sirius teaching Regulus Transfiguration like a real older brother <3
- The "After all this time" line we've all been waiting for :D
- I know I scared you guys with the whole Snape and Sirius sort-of cliff-hanger! Soooo the prank didn't happen. I thought about it for a while, and I still think Sirius' impulsiveness would be a part of his character, but I think because he was raised by Ted and Andy, he would think more about his actions. Even just a little bit. So, he didn't tell Snape about the whomping willow, but he nearly did. I couldn't do that to him in this. Also, not Remus being like "Sirius would never" when he literally does in like every other universe 😭
- Remus having a secret pov!! :D
- Not Sirius going missing and Remus instantly being like "I must find him". Also, Remus going to Regulus for help <3 And the moonwater hug! They're so cute
- WOLFSTAR!!! they're about to get even more complicated than before (sorry?). Just take what you can get right now 😭
- *Remus and Sirius kiss* Sirius immediately after: oh btw you know my five-year long enemy? yeah, he's actually my little brother... so... yeah... Remus: 😐😑😐
- Sirius admitting to Remus and himself (finally) that he was kinda friends with Regulus <3 he was in denial before, but that's very on-brand for him sooo
- Regulus being mad at Pandora :(
- so many characters already know about regulus and sirius 😭
- Barty <3
- Barty having beef with Alecto because he's in love with Evan hehehe - I also would have pushed her off the couch :)
- Regulus "that was basically a love confession" - he's so right.
- Regulus finally told Barty about James. He wouldn't have, but he did because Barty was the only one who didn't know and he didn't want to leave him out.
- ofc Barty would have an 'if-I-was-a-girl' list - he's a bit dumb :/
- Regulus and Pandora made up in the same chapter because I simply could not have them not talking for the whole summer.
- Sirius and Regulus bonding! Sirius is ready to be brothers, but Regulus isn't. And! Regulus knows about James' Animagus secret! and that Sirius was the dog 😬 just know he's still mad about that
- Their pinkie promise :(
- Regulus calling Remus Sirius' boyfriend hehehWhat do we think about that cliff-hanger? :D
Sorry, I rambled a lot, but I've just been so excited about this chapter for so long. I really had the Black Brothers reveal and the wolfstar first kiss in the same chapter. You might be thinking "what now?" Oh, you guys aren't ready for the evil plans I have coming 😏
Thanks for reading! See you next week :)
-Rue
Chapter 72: Fifth Year: Glowing Eyes and Love Confessions
Summary:
Remus and Sirius meet up on the train. Everyone goes home for the summer. James and Lily go shopping.
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of misogyny and slavery in a book (Gone With the Wind)
-mild sexual content (not explicit)
-absent parent
-brief mention of a parent's deathTranslations are in the end notes (I used google translate, so I apologise for any mistakes).
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
We were just friends that spoke like lovers and
that seemed to be enough for two teenagers
who were scared to love one another
~ K.A.T
Monday - 31st May, 1976
Remus
He boards the Hogwarts Express on the last day of term with a sense of melancholy about him. There are only two more years left of Hogwarts before Remus and his friends have to go and face the real world, which is looking worse and worse with each passing day. The tragic news reports haven't lessened; if anything, they're more frequent. That's what they all have to look forward to this time in two years.
Remus shakes that thought away as he takes a seat between James and Lily. Directly across from him sits Sirius, who he tries not to make eye contact with. They haven't really spoken since that day. When they kissed. When Sirius told Remus that Regulus is his brother.
Remus doesn't know if it's because of the kiss or because Sirius is still trying to process everything that happened with Regulus. Remus knows the two boys spoke yesterday - Sirius told him right after it happened. It's the only time he's tried talking to Remus in almost two weeks.
During the first half of the journey, Remus finishes off the book he borrowed from Lily a few days ago. He meant to finish it earlier, but he's been distracted lately. He wants to give it to her before they part for the summer, though, which is why he rushes to get to the end of it now. Remus isn't a very expressive reader. When things happen that excite him, he doesn't throw the book across the room or giggle like Lily and Sirius do. Instead, he'll smile slightly or his heart will race, but he keeps his reactions internal. So, it's easy for him to read when he's surrounded by people like right now.
Lily nudges him and raises her eyebrows once he's done, a silent, Well?
"It was really good," he responds, passing her the book. She stuffs it in the small space between her thigh and the side of the carriage.
"Good ?" Lily blinks, looking at him like he's just told her puppies aren't cute. "Remus, it's Gone With the Wind - it's a classic!"
"I stand by my rating - it was good. I liked the way it showed a... romanticised view of the Civil War. That was an interesting perspective, but I think it was sort of offensive."
"How?"
"Well, it portrays women - or the main woman at least - as love-driven beings who strive for attention and validation from men. All I know is, if my mam read it, she'd be chucking it in with the horse shit once she was done with it," he shrugs, choosing not to put it lightly.
"I get your point, but it's a classic," Lily argues.
"And? That's only because it was revolutionary for it's time. That doesn't mean it's dated well. It glorifies the tragedy of war and basically ignores slavery, though I tried to look past that because of when it was written. But still."
Lily continues to stare at him with an expression of both surprise and incredulity. "What is wrong with you? Why are you actually a decent person?"
"You're complaining because I'm not complimenting your misogynistic book?" Remus asks, amused.
Lily sighs. "No, I'm complaining because you're right." She tuts and half-heartedly hits him with the book. "Damn you, Remus Lupin."
He smiles and turns, catching Sirius' eye.
As their gazes lock, Remus' heart starts to riot in his chest, banging against his ribcage like it's some sort of impenetrable cage. There's a softness in Sirius' expression that lasts about a second before he realises he's been caught. He blinks abruptly and then glances speedily at the door, raising an eyebrow.
Oh, great. He wants to talk now.
A moment later, Sirius gets up, saying something about how he needs to go and find Xeno before they reach London. Everyone else in the carriage is too preoccupied with their own conversations to ask him questions. Sirius slips out the door and sends a final glance Remus' way before walking down the aisle of the train and out of sight.
Remus swallows.
"I'm gonna go to the toilet," he tells Lily. She just nods, too busy sifting through her copy of Gone With the Wind to care much about what he's doing.
When he exits their compartment, he just about catches a glimpse of Sirius entering through a door a few meters away before he's disappeared completely. Remus feels as a knot of anxiety tightens in his stomach. He rubs his hand over his shirt to make it go away before following Sirius.
Remus is hoping that Sirius will bring up Regulus and not the kiss. God, Remus really doesn't want to talk about the kiss.
He pulls open the door slightly and slides into the new compartment, allowing the door to click shut behind him. Sirius is standing across from him, looking both nervous and determined, almost desperate.
Before he even gets the chance to say a word, Sirius steps forward and grabs Remus tightly by the face, pressing their lips together in a searing kiss that has the blood in Remus' ears buzzing. He adjusts to this new position rather quickly and soon finds his own hands grasping onto the back of Sirius' shirt, clinging desperately.
All Remus thinks is, Yes, yes, yes, this. This is all I've wanted for so long, I can't even remember what it's like to live and not want it. Want you.
There's a sharp snap behind him, which makes him jump, and when they both pull away from each other to look at what it was, Remus realises it was the blind shutting. Neither of them have their wands out, which means one of them must have performed wandless and wordless magic. Remus is suddenly aware of the fizzling beneath his skin, the way his magic vibrates in each of the atoms that make him up. He glances down at the boy below him, hands now in Remus' hair instead of gripping his jaw.
Sirius stares back at him, eyes dark, making him weak. As it turns out, silver, even in it's purest form, can make his knees buckle.
Without thinking about what it could mean, Remus leans back down and gasps as their mouths meet again. He'll never get used to this feeling, never. It's just so... much. Like standing on the edge of the Astronomy Tower, trusting the open air will hold you up when you begin to fall. Remus just doesn't know if it'll be a crash landing or if he'll start to fly. Both scare him, honestly. He's never much liked flying, but he thinks if it's with Sirius, he could grow to love it.
As Sirius' hands drift down over the front of Remus' chest, brushing the necklace that Remus is still wearing all these years later, he cups Sirius' face. He holds this beautiful, precious thing in the palms of his hands and hopes he won't break it. Most of Remus' life has been destruction - he doesn't want that to ever touch Sirius.
Sirius' left hand drifts over the bitemark on Remus' ribcage as he continues to explore him. Remus has never liked it when people touch his bitemark - he doesn't even allow Poppy to go near it unless she absolutely has to. It's the most hideous part of himself, and the most tragic. But he's never minded much when it's been Sirius. He doesn't know why Sirius is the exception, he just always has been.
Remus' bites down on his bottom lip when Sirius starts to kiss down his jaw, arms now around Remus' torso, hands planted against the small of his back. One of Remus' hands sinks into Sirius' hair, guiding his head further down. Sirius leaves a warm trail of open-mouthed kisses across Remus' skin, against the hollow of his throat and the junction between his jaw and neck.
He pulls Sirius' head back slightly and reconnects their lips once again, hungry for that dizzy feeling again. It feels just like the rush of nicotine, intoxicating and addictive. His nails dig into the other boy's scalp, pulling at the roots of his hair, and his canines press sharply against Sirius' bottom lip, sucking on it. Sirius lets out a small noise, something between a groan and a whine. It spurs Remus on as he slowly becomes rougher and rougher, licking his way into Sirius' mouth.
Remus jumps when Sirius' cold hands slide beneath his jumper, dancing across the skin of his hips, the light trace of nails.
Oh, he's so perfect. So, so perfect.
Sirius digs his fingers into Remus' hips and starts dragging him away from the door, which he was still leaning against, and back towards the seats. He practically pushes him down into one, separating them for a moment before hopping onto Remus' lap. Their positions swapped, Remus lightly grazes Sirius' hips with his fingertips, whilst Sirius lets his hands melt into Remus' shaggy hair.
When Sirius shifts, Remus lets out a groan that has their lips parting again. He drops his forehead against Sirius' and meets his eyes. Sirius stares back, and then, like he isn't killing him, moves against him again.
Remus inhales sharply. He knows that if they do this, it's going to completely change everything. Their friendship - it will never be the same. This is the make it or break it point, and whilst Remus knows that, he is also aware of how terrible his impulse control is around Sirius. Which is why he already knows what he's going to do before he does it.
His hands clench down tightly against Sirius' hips and he moves them himself, making them both gasp.
He forgets that they are on a train full of an entire school worth of students. Forgets that the person in his lap is one of his best friends. Forgets that they probably shouldn't be doing this, and focuses on the sensation. His mind chants, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. He feels like a believer worshipping at the alter of a god.
Remus presses a soft peck to Sirius' lips and down towards his jaw. He latches his mouth to the side of Sirius' neck, where he sinks his teeth in and begins to suck. They continue to move in tandem, Sirius grinding down against him, making soft noises against Remus' hair, as Remus guides him with his hands. The build-up is quicker than Remus would like, but he blames that on the fact that his body is finally getting the thing it's been yearning for for months now.
He knows that when they finish, the spell will be broken, so he quickly lifts his head and kisses Sirius clashingly on the lips once more. Savouring it.
When they pull away, Sirius looks at him and gasps.
"Your eyes," he whispers, staring at Remus with wonder.
"What?" Remus asks, his voice sounding strangled.
Sirius smiles, brushes their noses together. "They're glowing."
Embarrassed, Remus closes them, silently begging for them to go back to normal. Stupid Moony getting too excited. He doesn't know why this happens around Sirius, it never happened when he was with Marie.
"No, don't-" Sirius lets out a small moan. "Open your eyes, Moony."
Remus does. He doubts he would be able to deny Sirius anything right now. He's so close. He opens his eyes and stares directly at Sirius, who slides his hand up Remus' cheek, thumb slowly gliding just below his eye.
Sirius smiles.
Remus finishes first, quickly followed by Sirius.
It seems to dawn on them at the same time what they've done. Sirius clears his throat and climbs off Remus' lap, flopping down on the seat beside him. Remus stares up at the ceiling and tries to catch his breath. He should probably say something. He thinks about how Sirius was the one who initiated the kiss - which means he wanted to kiss Remus, right?
He turns his head to say something, but Sirius beats him to it.
"Sorry," he says, voice low. "I just- I needed to- I got a bit carried away."
"You're sorry?" Remus frowns.
Sirius continues to stare down at his own hands, like he's ashamed. "Probably shouldn't have done that. And on the train." He laughs, but it comes out forced. "Do you reckon anyone's ever shagged in one of these compartments before?"
"Uh..." Remus tries to catch up. It hits him like a tonne of bricks. Sirius regrets it. Probably shouldn't have done that. "Don't worry about it, Sirius. We don't have to talk about it. We can forget... Pretend it didn't happen." Remus doesn't mean any of it, but he knows it's what Sirius needs to hear. He needs an out so that he doesn't feel guilty, and Remus will gladly give it to him. After all, he was just as at fault here as Sirius was.
Sirius finally looks at him. There's something conflicting behind his eyes, but he blinks it away before Remus can decipher it. "Okay," he agrees, nodding.
"Okay," Remus says. He wants to scream.
Sirius sighs and looks out the window at the passing trees. "I don't want to go back home."
"When are you going to talk to your parents about... everything?" Remus asks. He pulls his wand out and mumbles a cleaning spell for them both. Sirius sends him a sheepishly grateful look.
"Tomorrow. I think if I try to do it tonight, I'll be sick," Sirius shakes his head and clenches his eyes shut. "It's going to be horrible."
Remus continues to watch the other boy. He slowly reaches out and rests his hand on top of Sirius', a friendly display and nothing more. Or, that's what he tells himself. Sirius' eyes shoot open and stare down at the point where their hands meet.
"You can come to mine whenever you want," Remus tells him.
"I might have to take you up on that offer," Sirius huffs out a laugh, there's no humour in it.
When they get up to leave and return to their friends (Sirius tells him he is actually going to go and see Xeno for a little while), Remus notices a mark on Sirius' neck. It's red and pulsating, punctuated with teeth dents that Remus doesn't remember creating.
"Oh, erm, you have a..." He points at his own neck. Sirius looks confused for a moment, but then his eyes widen. "Do you want me to...?" He holds his wand out. Sirius looks reluctant for a moment, probably not trusting Remus to heal it right, but then nods. Remus spells it away and then they head for the door.
When Remus steps through the Floo with his tad not too far behind him - he's glad his tad no longer insists on driving at the beginning and end of terms - he's surprised to find not only his mam waiting for him, but Marie, too. He smiles when he spots her and opens his arms just in time for her to jump into them.
They made up at the end of last summer after the whole Billy fiasco, but Christmas was when everything finally started to feel just like old times again. Well, maybe not exactly like old times, but close to it. They all had to suffer through church on Christmas morning, but were then rewarded with pastries from Hope's bakery. During the few days when it wasn't raining, they went out and played in the sludgy snow. And when the weather was too harsh for them to go outside, they would hang out at each other's houses.
There was something particularly odd that Remus noticed over the two weeks he spent home for Christmas. Marie had never truly accepted Hugo as a part of their group before, but that had changed during the four months when Remus was away at Hogwarts. He knew Marie had returned to school in November, which must have been difficult. It's a small village, word travels fast. Everyone knows everything about everyone. He can't imagine it was easy for her to go back and face the music, but she did, because Marie was brave.
Remus can tell that Hugo must have played a big part in easing her transition back into high school. Marie had finally given him a chance, had finally accepted him as one of her friends. But Remus wasn't blind, he could tell that wasn't all that was going on there, even if neither of them knew it. He could recognise the look on Marie's face every time Hugo made some silly joke to cheer her up on the days when her withdrawal symptoms were worse. She'd declared that she was giving up drugs and drinking in November, but Remus knew it took her until January to finally get a hang of it, thanks to the updates he received from Cara's letters.
He squeezes her tightly and is slightly shocked when he doesn't feel that familiar swooping sensation in his stomach that usually comes when Marie is close by. He doesn't focus on the way her hair smells like raspberries and vanilla, nor does he think about the places where they come into contact. Instead, she's just Marie. His friend.
His mind, as it always does nowadays, wanders to Sirius.
"You have to stop growing one of these days," Marie shakes her head as she pulls away from him, a mischievous curl to her lips. "Soon you'll be bumping your head against the ceiling."
"He's already walking into the tops of the doorframes," Hope points out, causing Marie to snort. Remus rolls his eyes, but allows it when his mam pulls him into her arms.
"Hello, cariad," she greets, grinning broadly as they part. "How did your exams go? I bet you were glad you had a couple of weeks afterwards to relax."
"Yeah, I think they went well," Remus grimaces comically. Lyall pats him on the shoulder.
"You're my son," he announces. "Of course you did well. Probably the best in the year."
"No, that would be Sirius," Remus says. His thoughts roam back to what happened on the train and he feels himself blush. His parents don't seem to notice, instead asking him how Sirius is doing. When he goes to answer, he catches Marie's eye. She's watching him with an inquisitive expression, but then something appears to click behind her eyes.
"Yeah, how is Sirius?" She asks.
"He's... uh, fine? Actually, I was just talking to him on the train and I said he could come around at some point this month. If that's okay?" He aims the question at his parents, but keeps an eye on Marie, who is still watching him like she's just figured something out.
"Oh, definitely," his mam responds, clapping her hands together happily. "Just let me know when to expect him once you've spoken to him. Now, go and take your bags upstairs. Marie, lend him a hand would you?" She smiles.
"Yeah, come on," Marie grins, stepping forward to help.
The moment he shuts the door to his bedroom behind them, not thinking about how that might be a bit weird, Marie practically pounces on him.
"Remus!"
"What?" He frowns, startled.
"You finally figured it out, didn't you?" She places her hands on her hips and looks at him expectantly, as if he has any idea of what she's going on about.
"Figured out what?"
"Oh gosh. I forgot how dumb you can be about these things," she tuts, marching over to his bed and unceremoniously dropping down onto it. She starfishes across it, stretching like a house cat in the line of sunlight shining through the window, before sitting up on her elbows. "Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me you have no idea what I'm talking about?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he clarifies, perching on the edge of his mattress. Marie sits up fully and gives him a disappointed look. She places her hands on his shoulders and starts shaking him.
"You like Sirius, ti twat."
His eyes widen. Sure, Remus had wondered if Marie might know about his feelings for Sirius - if that's one of the reasons she broke up with him - but he never really entertained the idea.
"I- I don't," he tries to deny, but knows it's no use.
"Remus, sweetheart," she cups his cheek, "you're an idiot."
He gently pushes her face away, his hand large enough to cover it entirely, and she drops back against the mattress, giggling like a maniac.
"How long have you known?"
"Oh, ages," Marie replies, looking up at him. He gets a proper look at her for the first time since he returned. Her hair, which she usually wears down or in some intricate plait, has been pulled back into a ponytail. There are dark circles under her eyes, but they look faded, not new. She's still not the old Marie, but maybe that isn't a bad thing. Marie had to change to survive, had to adapt so she could keep on living every single day, along with everything else that has changed in her life.
"How long have you known?" She asks him.
"Since last February," he mumbles.
"Over a year?" Marie gapes. "Please tell me you've made a move."
"What?!"
"Come on, Remus! He obviously wants you to," Marie yells - Remus hopes his parents can't hear them. "I met him, remember?"
"You- you don't know what you're talking about," he crosses his arms.
Marie searches him with her eyes. A grins breaks out across her face. "You've already made a move, haven't you?"
Remus doesn't answer.
"This is perfect," Marie cackles. "Who kissed who first?"
"How do you even know that happened?"
"You basically just confessed," she smirks.
Remus rolls his eyes, wipes his palms on his jeans. "Fine. If I tell you, it stays between you and I, alright?"
"Yes, yes, okay," she agrees eagerly, sitting up again. "Proceed."
"Wait, first... isn't this weird for you? At all?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Of course not," Marie says seriously. "It might've been a year ago, but, no, not anymore. You're my friend, Remus. You've always been my friend. I just want you to be happy. Is it weird for you?"
"No, it's not that, it's just... I still, you know, love you," he stares down at his duvet. "I probably always will, but with Sirius it's different... Sorry, I don't know how to explain it."
"I get it," Marie nods understandingly. "People can fall in love multiple times in the space of a single lifetime. Obviously it's going to be different each time, that's what makes it so desirable. It's an entirely new breed of love - it's always special."
"Exactly."
"So, do you love him?" She questions.
"I... I think I do," Remus whispers. It's almost painful to admit because he doesn't even know if Sirius likes him back. For all he knows, Sirius could just be looking for someone to jerk off with, and Remus would be the easiest option. He'd let him, without a doubt.
Sensing the shift in the mood, Marie changes the subject. Well, sort of.
"Who kissed who first?" Her cheeky grin is back, making Remus roll his eyes.
"I kissed him, but it wasn't a proper one. I pulled back after because it was a spur of the moment thing," he explains, relieved when he realises that it really doesn't feel weird to talk to her about this.
"Then what happened?"
"I tried to apologise, but before I could, he kissed me," Remus reaches up to nervously fiddle with the Ombud around his neck. "Properly."
"So, how was it? Is he a good or a bad kisser? My money's on good."
Remus groans and drops back onto the mattress. Marie stares down at him, an eyebrow raised in amusement.
"It was really fucking good," he admits, covering his face with his hands. There's a part of him that's so bloody glad that Marie knows because he's been keeping this a secret (among other things) for over two weeks now, and he's been waiting to finally tell someone. Sirius Tonks kissed him. "We didn't talk about it for two weeks, but then today, on the train back, we sort of..."
"Kissed again?"
"Uh, yeah..." Remus' voice wavers off.
"You did something else, too, didn't you?"
Remus averts his eyes. "Maybe."
"On a train?" Marie laughs. "Please tell me you didn't lose your virginity on a train."
"We didn't do that," Remus squeaks. "Christ."
"What did you do?"
Remus eyes her questioningly. "We- well, do you remember last summer when you and I- when we-"
"Oh," Marie says, realisation dawning on her. She claps her hands together. "Well, I can't wait for Sirius to come and visit."
"For fuck's sake," Remus groans. "You're going to be a menace, aren't you?"
"Of course," she huffs like the answer to that question was obvious. "That's my job as your best friend."
Remus sighs, resigned. "Maybe I'll just go and visit him in Cornwall."
Marie's laugh echoes off the walls.
Wednesday - 2nd June, 1976
Remus,
I spoke to my parents yesterday. It didn't go very well... I got angry. There's a part of me that understands and feels bad for reacting like this, but it's like I'm not in control. I just can't believe they never told me. I'm so upset annoyed. Yesterday, I went to Xeno's house and I'm staying there until Sunday evening.
I don't know what to do, Remus. I've never been this furious with them, and I hate it because I love them, but I don't know how I'm supposed to forgive this.
Sorry, I don't want to stress you out about all of this. I'll shut up now. How is your summer going so far? How are your parents? Did you ask them about me coming to stay at some point? I wish we could apparate, then I could come and see you right now. I miss you. Should we talk about what happe I miss everyone. We should all meet up at some point and have a massive sleepover. Maybe Marls will do that again for her birthday this year.
I was speaking with James over the mirrors earlier and he said Lily is going to his to stay in a few days. I hope her sister isn't being a bitch to her again. Or Snape. Again, I wish I could apparate. Then, we could all just meet up whenever we want. I can't wait until our apparition lessons start this year! And we don't have to worry about exams until next year. Hopefully, sixth year will be easier than this last one. Probably not, the war is getting
Anyway, I'll stop blabbering on now. I hope you're having fun. Tell your friends that I miss them (especially Cara). Maybe I'll see them soon. Don't forget to let me know what your parents said about me staying.
Love,
Sirius
_______
Sirius,
I know it's bad right now and I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, but your parents love you. It will get better, even if it does take some time. Everything they have done, though perhaps misguided, it's because they just want you to be safe. This isn't me defending what happened by the way. Obviously I'm on your side always, and if you need me to curse their names, I will. (That's a lie - I'm too worried that they wouldn't like me if I did that.)
My parents said you can come and stay whenever you want, just give me a date. However, I want you to at least speak to your parents again before you run away from your problems. Please, Sirius. It's too hard watching you like this Even if you don't agree or make up, at least talk first.
My summer is going alright, a bit boring without you and the others, but my friends have made it bearable. I think there's something going on between Marie and Hugo, but don't tell them I said that. It's just something I've been sensing. Cara and Felix are still together (I'm surprised Felix hasn't proposed yet). My mam misses you and my tad wants to ask you which spells you used on my bookmark. He says he wants one, too.
Also, don't apologise for telling me how you're feeling. Never ever apologise for that.
James and Lily are meeting up without us? I feel betrayed. When you come over, maybe we can go to Diagon Alley and meet up with them. Apparating will definitely make meeting up much easier. Just think about this time next year, we'll be able to go anywhere. If you think sixth year will be easier, you're stupid. No offence. But come on. Minnie is going to be badgering us about our N.E.W.Ts any chance she gets.
Everyone says hello and they miss you, too. (Cara was happy about her mention.) You can come as early as next week if you want, but, again, speak to your parents first. Even if it ends as terribly as it did this time. If it goes badly, you can come here and we'll do whatever we need to for you to forget about it all for a little while. I miss you, too.
Love,
Remus
_______
Remus,
Fine, I'll talk to them when I go back home. Well, probably not straight away. I'll be too mad. But I will definitely do it before I come to Wales. Also, it's only been a couple of days and I already miss Dora. I hope she hasn't caught onto any of this, but she is nearly three now, so she might have some idea that something is going on.
I know - the betrayal! We're definitely going to have to spend a day at Diagon Alley with James and Lily. I already miss them both so much. It's a bit concerning, actually.
Oh, I've known about Marie and Hugo for a long time. I'm surprised it took you until now to figure it out. Don't ask me how I know though, I've been sworn to secrecy.
(Tell Lyall I'll teach him the spells I used on the bookmark when I come to visit.)
You're right! Minnie is going to give us so much homework. Good thing I'm a genius (just imagine me grinning right now). Homework is a piece of cake.
As early as next week? Aw, Moony, I know you miss me, but I didn't realise you missed me that much. How is the tenth? That will give me a few days to talk to my parents and see Dora before I leave again.
Love,
Sirius
_______
Sirius,
I hope the talk goes better than the last. I'm sure that if Dora does know something is wrong, you can make her feel better. You're a good brother, Sirius.
What do you mean you've known about Marie and Hugo for a long time? HOW?
You're an idiot (imagine ME grinning right now).
Shut up, tosser. Also, yes, the tenth works for me. My mam said you can stay for a week if you want.
Remus
_______
Remus,
Okay! See you next week then. I'll update you when I talk to my parents again.
Sirius
***
Thursday - 10th June, 1976
James
The first week of summer dragged by. James spent most of it testing himself, exploring the woods and trying his very best not to get lost. It was scarier than being in the Forbidden Forest had been, which would sound crazy to anyone else, but to James it made sense. This was the place Harry died and, no matter how much he tries to overcome his fear, James knows he will never forget it.
He's been writing to Regulus every single day - he is so relieved Regulus found the notebooks last year; if he hadn't, James doesn't know what he would do during the long summer months without any other way to contact his boyfriend.
At the end of the term, Regulus had been quieter, less inclined to initiate any conversation. James blamed it on the fact that they were going home and Regulus would have to be back in that horrid house with his mother. He attempted to talk to Regulus about the detention he shared with Sirius in May, but neither he, nor Sirius, told him what actually happened.
Nine days into the summer, Lily comes to stay. She and James have been corresponding frequently ever since they went home. Apparently, Petunia and her boyfriend Vernon have been insufferable over the last week. Petunia has caught onto the fact that Lily and Snape are no longer friends and hasn't stopped taunting her about it since she returned. Vernon just sounds rude from what James has heard.
"-and my mum doesn't bother defending me," Lily continues, voice full of irritation and something like exhaustion. "She just sits there and stares into space like she's bored of us all."
They journeyed down to the edge of the village and are now lounging beneath the sun, beside the sparkling river. Lily had laid down a towel on the riverbank, blue like the water, and then stripped down to a green swimming suit. She's lying down now, dark shades on to block the sun from her eyes. James is beside her, sitting instead of laying, his notebook not too far away. He's wearing a t-shirt and some swim shorts.
He squeezes out a dollop of sun cream into his palm and starts rubbing it along one of his arms. "How long has she been like that for?" He asks, referring to Lily's mother.
"Ever since my dad died," she sighs, picking at a daisy in the grass. "She used to be so loud and excitable about everything, so did Tunie. Now, my mum never talks to me and Petunia avoids me like I have spattergroit. That's if she isn't making fun of me for the titles on my school books."
"I'm sorry you have to deal with that, Lils," James smiles consolingly, patting her briefly on the ankle. "Whatever your sister says isn't true, you know. You're amazing - the best Witch of our age. Your sister is just jealous."
Lily sits up and slides her sunglasses onto her head. The sun brightens her already glimmering green eyes. "Sev said that once. I told him that was mean, but now I think he might have been right. Did you know, I found a letter Petunia sent to Dumbledore?"
"Really?" James asks curiously. "What was it about?"
"She asked him if she could come to Hogwarts with me, but he said she couldn't because she's a Muggle," Lily explains, tone slightly hesitant. "I'm not supposed to have told anyone, but I don't see the point in keeping her secrets anymore. She wouldn't do the same for me."
James' heart breaks at the sight of Lily's sadness. She's such a lovely person, one of his favourites, so it crushes him to see her so broken by people who should love her.
"You never know," James shrugs, "she might come around one day and realise she misses her little sister."
Tears shine in Lily's eyes but she blinks them away. "Yeah, maybe," she says before standing up quickly. "I'm going to go for a swim. Coming?"
James looks down at the water. He remembers what his father told him a couple of years ago, how Harry was dumped in the river after he was attacked. He swallows.
"No, I'm going to continue working on my tan," he grins, squinting up at Lily. Her red hair dazzles under the golden sun, aflame. "Be careful by the rocks, they're really slippery."
When Lily wanders down to a lower part of the bank, James grabs his notebook and a pen that Lily brought with her (he has to admit, it's much more handy than a quill and inkwell). He writes out a message for Regulus, but doesn't expect a response yet. Regulus has been writing back every couple of days, which makes James think he must be really busy. Last summer, they were writing each other every single day. Sometimes James would wait to see if Regulus would write first, and he always did.
Lily spends about an hour in the water, calling up to James every now and then, and splashing him with the water. As much as she might be hesitant to admit it, Lily is just like Sirius sometimes. They both have that same childlike excitement about them.
She drops back down by his side and ties her wet hair up into a large bun with strands toppling out of it carelessly.
"She's engaged, you know," Lily says out of nowhere.
"Who?"
"My sister. It happened last week. Vernon wanted to take us all out for dinner to this fancy-arse restaurant, and then he proposed to Petunia right in front of everyone. The wedding is at the end of the month."
"That's fast," James says.
"It is. They want to be married as soon as possible," she murmurs. There's a crease between her eyebrows that tells James she's bothered by something else.
"What is it, Lily?" He questions softly.
"Nothing really, just... my mum kept mentioning that I've never had a boyfriend before, so she has no hope of ever seeing me married." Lily's eye twitches. She blinks and then turns to James suddenly, facing him head-on. "I don't think I'll ever marry a boy."
James' mouth drops open slightly as understanding hits him instantly. "You mean you're-"
"Pansexual," Lily finishes. "Like you. I still like boys, but there's a girl and I can't seem to get her out of my head."
James gives himself a second to catch up and then smiles widely. "That's great!"
"Really?" Relief settles her scrunched expression.
"Obviously," James tuts. "I'm so happy- finally someone gets it."
"Yeah, who would've thought?" Lily chuckles lightly.
"So, who is this girl?" James waggles his eyebrows and starts nudging Lily with his elbow. She rolls her eyes and pushes him back into the grass as he laughs loudly.
"And just why would I tell you?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Because I won't tell anyone," James promises, sitting up straight again. "Plus, I won't be insufferable about it like Sirius would be."
"True," she agrees. "Alright, fine, but I'm only telling you because I need to tell someone."
"You haven't told anyone?" James tilts his head to the side.
"Well, no, I actually told Marlene right before school ended, but she's not here right now."
"Okay, nice. Who is it?" James rests his elbow on his knee and sits his head in his hand as he stares at her expectantly.
Lily remains silent for a minute and James waits patiently. Then, finally, "It's Pandora. I wasn't sure if I just really adored her as a friend at first, but it's been so long now. I definitely like like her."
"Just like?" James asks.
"...Maybe love," she admits. Then, Lily cracks completely, a look of desperation coming about her face. "Not maybe - definitely! James, I can't be in love with her, she's my best friend, but I am. I can't help it, I didn't plan this! She's just so- so-"
"Perfect?"
"Exactly. She's perfect, and this feeling is all-consuming. I don't think I've ever felt this about anyone before." She lets out a loud groan and drops her head to her bent knees. "My life so messy."
"That makes two of us," James whispers, mostly to himself. Lily catches it though and glances up at him, curiosity clear in her eyes.
"How did you figure out you're pansexual?" She queries.
"I realised I liked a boy, but it wasn't because of the way he looked, it was because I liked him for who he was," James replies honestly, knowing Lily needs it right now.
"Harry?"
"Actually, no," James smiles. "I had no idea what I was when I realised I liked him. To be fair, I was only eight, so I wasn't really focusing on that part. It was because I liked someone else."
Lily opens her mouth to say something, hesitates, and then meets his eyes. "...Regulus?"
James wishes he could say he's surprised that someone else knows, but at this point, he isn't. So many people have figured them out by now, which is actually sort of terrifying. No, very terrifying. The more people that know, the more likely it is to get back to people who can never know, like Regulus' mother. James is pretty sure that Barty knows now, too, if the looks he was giving James near the end of term were anything to go by.
"Don't tell me," James says, "you've known for years. It makes sense. We haven't been hiding it very well."
"Well, yes," Lily laughs, then sends him a sympathetic look. "Sorry, you're actually much better at subtlety than I would have guessed. I'm just observant."
"When did you first figure it out?" James asks.
"The first day of second year," she responds.
"What ?" James' jaw drops.
"That's when I first started to suspect you both," she corrects, holding up a finger. "I knew for sure in fourth year. Do you remember the Hogsmeade trip we had right before Christmas? It was when Mary was dating Barty, and we all ended up sitting together in The Three Broomsticks. Well, you were telling some joke about snowmen and you had a bit of butterbeer above your lip. We were all trying not to laugh because we didn't want you to get upset when you found out we were laughing at that instead of your joke, but Regulus was just looking at you in this way... It was so warm, James. That's when I knew."
Something soft settles in his chest. He hadn't known about that. Whenever they interact in public, Regulus keeps up his cold mask. If what Lily is telling him is true, then that means Regulus let his mask slip for James.
"So, when did you finally figure it out?"
"After I kissed Remus in fourth year," James admits sheepishly. Lily raises her eyebrows, so he rushes to explain. "I think I didn't want to believe it because the last time I liked someone was Harry. So, it took me a while to accept it. But when Remus kissed me, I realised I wanted it to be Regulus. Couldn't really deny it after that."
"Are you guys together?"
James hesitates and then slowly nods. "You can't tell anyone. If his family find out-"
"Don't worry, James, I'll keep it to myself," Lily promises. "When did you get together?"
"The end of fourth year," James grins, unable to stop it from spreading across his face.
"It's been a year? Wow, you really are more subtle than I thought," Lily says, looking impressed. "I assume he was the reason you had a hickey a few months ago?"
James' eyes widen. "Uh... yeah."
"There's no need to look so shy. I'm just glad Regulus figured it out, too."
"Well, the first time we kissed, he ran away and then didn't speak to me for about a month, but yeah. I'm happy it's worked out now," James agrees. He pouts. "I miss him."
Lily snorts. "You poor, sweet summer child."
"I was born in spring," James replies, confused.
"It's a saying- never mind. I miss Pandora, too. I wish I could talk to her, but her parents are so strict with her."
"I could try and get a message to her if you want," James suggests, getting an idea.
"How?"
"I have this notebook..."
James tells Lily all about his and Regulus' notebooks and then says he can ask Regulus to pass on a message to Pandora. He suggests Lily write something out in the notebook for Regulus to then rip out and give to Evan, who he usually sees at least every fortnight.
Regulus doesn't respond until that night.
Evans is staying at your house again?
Who else is there?
Just me and my parents... why? Jealous?
Jealous? No way. She's just your friend.
Also, yes, I will pass a message along to
Evan
to give to Pandora. I can't believe
you told
Evans about our notebooks.
Sorry, Starlight. It was an emergency...
sort of. I love you xx
I know. I I I miss you xxx
James smiles before closing the notebook. He really doesn't mind that Regulus hasn't said it back. Sure, it scares him that he might just be unlovable, but James knows that's a selfish thought to have. Regulus doesn't have to love him like that yet - or ever if he can't. Things like that come difficultly to him, and James can't even blame him. It isn't like he grew up in a very loving household.
He gets up out of bed and heads towards the room Lily is staying in.
Friday - 11th June, 1976
The next day, James and Lily go to Diagon Alley. Lily mentions wanting to go out for ice cream and James insists that they go to Florean Fortescue's, so that's where they end up. Of course, they also spend the rest of their day there. Lily has them entering every bookshop they pass and James does the same whenever they find another Quidditch shop or apothecary. They have lunch at The Leaky Cauldron and make a day of it.
James notices Lily staring longingly at a cat in the window of the Magical Menagerie, so he tells her she should get it.
"I can't, my mum would never let me keep it," she says.
Discouraged, James drops the matter. Maybe in a couple of years when they graduate Hogwarts, Lily will finally be able to get a cat. He knows she's wanted one for years.
They stop by a few more shops as they make their way back towards one of the Floo points. The final shop they enter is another bookshop. James let's Lily wander off on her own as she goes on a hunt for some new apparition book that she's been searching for all day. He goes exploring through the stacks, not looking for anything specific, but hoping something will catch his eye. He misses reading in the Room of Requirement with Regulus. He can't wait for the summer to be over.
As James is about to enter the Transfiguration section, he spots something familiar. It's funny because they were joking about meeting up, and now here they both are.
He follows the person into an empty aisle that's settled between two high bookshelves. When they turn slightly, offering their side profile, he smiles, relieved he was right.
Sending a quick, cautious glance around the bookshop to make sure no one is around, James starts forward. Regulus doesn't notice him at first, too busy trying to reach a book on the seventh shelf up. James stops and reaches up to grab the book for him, holding it out.
"James," Regulus says, sounding both surprised and happy to see him.
"Hello, love, fancy seeing you here," James grins. "You wanted this?" He wiggles the book in his hands.
Regulus looks down at the book and then back to James' face. His eyes jump behind James, as if checking to see if there are any loiterers watching them. When he finds none, his eyes return to James again, but instead of taking the book from him, he hits it out of James' hand and pulls him forward.
James smiles into the kiss, but soon settles his excitement when Regulus makes a displeased noise because James isn't kissing him back properly. He's glad to know that Regulus missed him, too. He rests his hands on Regulus' hips and allows himself to be shoved back against a bookshelf. Regulus buries his hands in James' hair, digging in harder than usual. James doesn't mind it, he doesn't mind it at all. This is actually very good.
"Wow, you really did miss me," James laughs.
"Shut up, James," Regulus hisses, dragging him back into another unforgiving kiss. One of Regulus' hands falls out of James' hair and down his chest. When he reaches the hem of James' t-shirt, he slips his hand beneath it and James feels the slow drag of nails across his torso, sending him into a wild spiral.
His own hands move to the small of Regulus' back and then drop down, sinking into the back pockets of Regulus' trousers. James grabs at him, unrelenting, uncaring, pulls him closer and groans at the way Regulus backs up into his hands as if urging him to carry on. Telling James without words that he isn't pushing any boundaries.
"Reg..."
"Mm," Regulus hums.
"People... they might..." James is cut off by the sensation of Regulus' tongue sliding across his bottom lip.
Regulus pulls back slightly, only a breath away, and meets his eyes. Without so much as blinking, he presses one more firm kiss to James' lips and then backs away, dropping his hands at the same time James retrieves his.
It's good they stopped because, a moment later, Lily comes rushing around the corner.
"Oh, James, there you are. I was-" She stops at the sight of Regulus. Her eyes jump between them, but it seems to take her less than five seconds to figure out what they were just doing. A smirk crawls onto her face. "Hello, Regulus."
"Evans," Regulus nods, looking uncomfortable and wary.
"What's up, Lily?" James asks, not sure where to look. His instincts are telling him to reach out to Regulus and drag him back into his arms, but he doesn't do that. He knows, now that Lily is here, Regulus would just push him away.
"I was just going to say I ran into Evan, who told me Regulus was around her somewhere. Thought you'd want to know," Lily explains, amusement clear in her features.
"Oh, there you are," Evan says as he rounds the corner. He looks from Regulus to James and, just as Lily did a minute before, smirks. "Hello there, Potter."
"Rosier," James replies uncomfortably.
"What's going on here?" Evan smiles, looking like he's just won the Muggle lottery.
"Evan, don't," Regulus warns.
"Do you know?" Lily asks him.
"Know what?" Evan questions expertly.
"You do!" Lily gasps. "Oh my god. I think I just walked in on them-"
"Lily!" James practically shrieks, feeling as his cheeks turn red. He risks a look at Regulus, who is giving him a deadly look. "Reg?" He tries smiling.
"You told her ?" He points at Lily.
"No! She figured it out herself, I swear," James announces. "You can't blame me for that. Plus, all of your friends know, so..."
Regulus sighs and turns to Lily and Evan. "We're leaving."
"Really? So soon?" Evan chuckles, crossing his arms and leaning against one of the bookshelves. James thinks he looks far too happy right now, considering the situation they are in.
"Yes," Regulus replies, tone hard.
"I won't tell anyone," Lily says, still looking at Regulus with nothing but sincerity in her eyes. "Also, I totally approve."
Regulus raises an eyebrow. "You approve ?"
"Yeah. James is one of my best friends. If he was dating an arsehole, I'd have to butt in," Lily says.
"Oh, dear. Have you met Regulus?" Evan points towards the other boy.
"He's nice to James, that's all that matters," Lily shrugs.
"Alright, well, not that this hasn't been enlightening," Regulus starts, pinching the bridge of his nose, "but we need to be going now."
"Fine," Evan tuts, standing upright again. "Say goodbye to your boyfriend."
Regulus rolls his eyes and turns to James.
"I'm sorry," James whispers.
"It's okay," Regulus replies, voice quiet. He reaches out and loops his pinkie through one of James'. "I'm glad I got to see you, even if it was for only a little while."
James' heart hops in his chest. "Me too. I know it's been less than two weeks, but I've missed you so much."
"So have I," Regulus says. He leans up onto his tiptoes and presses a final kiss to James' lips. It lingers for longer than it probably should, especially with their audience, but James can't find it in himself to pull away any sooner. When they part, James knocks their foreheads together lightly.
"I love you."
Regulus smiles, eyes lighting up, and brushes their noses together before pulling away entirely.
They both turn to look at their friends. Lily is watching them with a smile that makes her look a bit like a proud mother, and Evan is giving Regulus a look that says, We'll be talking about this later.
Regulus and Evan leave first. When James makes it back to Lily's side, she reaches up to pat down his hair, snorting at the way he blushes.
"Did you find your book?" He asks.
"Yeah," she holds it up. "I've already paid for it, so we can leave now."
"Alright," he says.
Once they're out of the shop, making their way through the bustling street towards The Leaky Cauldron, Lily speaks again.
"He loves you, too."
"What?"
"Regulus," she whispers so only he can hear her. "I saw it in his eyes when he looked at you."
"You think so?" James feels as butterflies fill his stomach. There's so much hope inside of him. The idea that Regulus could never love him is too harsh to bear, so Lily's words soothe something inside of him. A worry he's had gnawing away at him ever since James first told Regulus he loved him.
"Definitely. He's smitten," she smiles, knocking their hips together as they continue down the road.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
ti twat = you twat (Welsh)MENTIONS:
- I wrote this chapter whilst listening to old Ed Sheeran songs on a loop. 'Photograph' is so wolfstar coded.
- I feel like Lily is the sort of person who loves classics and doesn't always think about the problematic parts of the book because she's too busy enjoying getting to jump back into a different time period. Especially because she is less integrated in the Muggle world now. She's clever, but a bit dumb with these things (she reminds me of my sister actually 😂)
- Remus and Sirius are both idiots. We already knew this, but I just needed to say it. Idiots.
- Marie is team wolfstar 😌 she and Jess are on the same page. Alsooooo, Marie and Hugo 👀🤭
- Sirius and Remus signing off their letters with "love" but not knowing that the other means it in an "in love with you" way 🥺
- the letters <3
- Lily coming out to James <3 And telling him she's in love with Pandora <3
- Lily was the first to spot Jegulus (other than Pandora obviously, but she cheated)! She's their biggest fan.
- I'm gonna say it now.. James Potter is an arse guy 🤷♀️ I don't make the rules 🤭🤭
- the bookshop scene always makes me laugh
- Lily is so wise about everything, James should just listen to her.UPDATE:
I have my A-Levels in May, so I won't be updating weekly when that month begins, the same with June, because I really need to lock in. I will be putting up a chapter either once every ten days or once every two weeks (I'll let you guys know on tumblr). April will have the same schedule as now though, so don't worry about it for now :)See you next week! <3
Chapter 73: Fifth Year: Black Secrets and Burning Hands
Summary:
The Black brothers get some answers
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of past miscarriages
-past child abuse/bruises on a baby
-violence warning (flashback to James choking out Snape)
-child abuse scars
-angst
-mild sexual content (not explicit, but not fade-to-black either)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I want so badly to protect you from the world
because I know all too well how bad it can be
~ Taylor Swift
Monday - 31st May, 1976
Regulus
"When were you planning on telling me that I have a brother?"
His voice comes out cold, cutting, resembling his mother's, but it doesn't register, not beyond the fury he feels. Out of all the people in his family, his father has never hidden anything from him before. Nothing of this much importance anyway. Even Narcissa has her fair share of secrets that Regulus isn't privy to. But he's always trusted his father, always.
Orion straightens, wincing at the way his spine pops at the sudden movement. His eyes widen as they settle on Regulus, cautious and... scared? Yes, there's fear and something akin to shame in his expression. Regulus feels as a wave of disappointment hits him. A part of him had hoped that his father would give him a true reason for why he hadn't mentioned Sirius before, but that shame in his eyes tells Regulus that his father's cowardice may have played a part in all of this.
He feels as his own grey eyes sharpen, narrowing down on his father like a hawk who's just spotted it's prey. Orion's hair is almost fully grey now, glimmering with streaks of silver, and duller in the few patches of black that still linger. There are wrinkles set around his eyes that weren't this deep at Christmas, the last time Regulus saw his father, and his skin has begun to sag off his face.
Regulus tries not to focus on the pain that arises in his chest as he sees his father wither away before him. His illness has never affected him this badly in the past. It's a frightening thing to witness.
Orion clears his throat, eyes bouncing down to his desk and then back up to Regulus' face. "I wasn't under the impression you were aware of the situation."
Regulus almost scoffs. Disbelief rages inside of him.
"Excuse me for this, father, but what the fuck?" Regulus snaps. He's never feared his father like he does his mother because he's never had a reason to. Perhaps that is why he's never been as cautious around Orion as he is around the rest of their family, and why he doesn't hesitate to say, "What gave you the right to keep something like this from me?"
"Believe me, telling you wouldn't have changed anything. It would have only created more problems. There are things you do not yet understand, Regulus," Orion says, voice soft and steady.
"Then explain them to me," Regulus commands. His eyes remain harsh as he stares his father down.
"It's- it's complicated."
"I don't care," Regulus implores piercingly. "If you don't tell me the truth, I'll go to Cygnus myself-"
"No!" Orion yells. It startles Regulus enough to silence him. He watches as clarity hits his father. He runs a hand down his grey hair and rolls out his shoulders. "Regulus, you cannot go to your uncle about this. The last person to bother him about..."
"Andromeda?" Regulus supplies.
Orion flinches at the name, but an undeniable softness comes to his face. "Yes, Andromeda. The last person to mention her was dealt with. He will not give you the chance to explain yourself because you are family, believe me, I know. If you approach him, you will regret it."
"Is that a threat?"
"A warning."
Regulus blinks and thinks over it for a moment before nodding slowly, silently urging his father to carry on.
"If I tell you the whole story, you can never tell your mother I told you."
"Alright," Regulus promises. "Tell me."
"When your brother was born, he was very sick, so we did not announce his birth. Your mother was afraid he would die and bring shame to the family as it had happened before, though none of those were ever born. Before you and..."
"You can say his name," Regulus huffs.
Orion inhales slowly. "Before you and Sirius were born, we had more than a few miscarriages. When Sirius was finally born, he was a miracle. We were under the assumption that he would be our only child, so your mother was intent on making him the perfect heir. As I previously stated, he was a sick new born, so she hid him from the papers and almost no one knew he existed outside of the family.
"He would cry all the time and that irritated your mother, so she started using spells, ways to make him act the way she wanted him to. Whenever I was off at work, she would have him under body-binds and silencing spells. I was none the wiser, as she would never treat him this way in front of me. However, Andromeda started to notice that he had bruises and his movement development was very slow. We soon discovered together that it was because Walburga was excessively using body-binds. It is incredibly dangerous to use those on young children, let alone babies."
Regulus grips onto the arms of the chair he's sitting in, nails digging into the leather in a way that is sure to leave a mark. He knows his mother is cruel, but he wasn't aware she was completely heartless.
"One day, I was at work. I had plans to go home early, as Alphard was visiting and Andromeda had some news to share with us. I had an inkling it might have something to do with that Tonks boy she was sneaking around with behind her parents' backs. At that point, she was betrothed to Rodolphus - that was before he was ever promised to Bellatrix, of course. But before I ever made it out of my office at the Ministry, Andromeda came rushing in with Sirius in her arms. She told me that she just took him."
"Why did she take him?" Regulus questions.
"She witnessed your mother using a stinging hex on him as a punishment. Sirius wasn't even four months old at this point, so his skin had a bad reaction to the hex, as it was too weak to handle it. She told me she wasn't going to let him go back, that she was running away with Edward and would be taking Sirius with her whether I helped her or not. She had the proof, but that doesn't always matter when it comes to the sacred twenty-eight. Without my help, she never would have succeeded.
"We recruited Alphard to help, as well as the Minister at that time, who was a friend of mine and Alphard's at Hogwarts. Andromeda also brought in Albus Dumbledore, as he was very well-liked in the Wizarding World at that point, even more so than he is now. He was also Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, so people were more likely to follow his voting.
"There were trials, weeks worth of them. At first, your mother did everything in her power to win over her son, but only a couple of weeks into the case, it was like she stopped caring. After that, it was easy to win over the majority of the Wizengamot. It was not so much about influence back then, people cared more about personal connections, which made it simpler for Alphard and I to convince the Wizengamot to vote in honour of Andromeda. Once she won the final trial, I told her to leave, cut off all her connections with the Wizarding World, including me, and to never come back. I didn't expect her to send Sirius to Hogwarts. I thought she might enrol him in Beauxbatons or Ilvermorny, or maybe even home school him. I should have known, though."
"What about me?" Regulus questions, voicing his most vulnerable thoughts. Why didn't she take me, too?
"We did not know you existed yet, Regulus. Andromeda won custody of Sirius in March of 1960. My theory is that your mother discovered she was pregnant with you and neglected to tell anyone, that is why she let Sirius go so easily in the end. She knew she had another heir in line already. After all the struggle we had, all the heartbreak of it, and she ended up getting exactly what she wanted in the end."
"You didn't know about me until after Andromeda left the Wizarding World for good?" Regulus asks, eyebrows furrowed.
"No. I did not know and I was not in contact with Alphard either, as he left the country after helping Andromeda. I haven't heard from Andromeda in over sixteen years, which is probably for the best. It means they are both safer."
A deep-rooted sadness twists at Orion's features. Regulus has to look away from it.
"What about the members of the Wizengamot who voted against Andromeda? Why has no one ever spoken about it? How can I not have heard about all of this before now?"
"Everyone involved in the trials, as well as everyone in the family, were forced to make an Unbreakable Vow, promising not to ever talk about Sirius or his existence. It was supposed to be a form of protection," Orion explains. "It is one of the reasons I have not told you - I could not physically disclose any information on the subject, not before being asked about it first."
"Were Narcissa and Bellatrix made to perform those vows, too? Or are they just liars?"
"Son... you cannot blame your cousins," his father says. "You must understand that, even though they were not forced to make a vow, they were as sworn to secrecy as the rest of us were. If either of them so much as mentioned Andromeda's name in front of Cygnus after the final trial, he would punish them severely. I assume it eventually just became easier for them to carry on if they pretended they never had another sister at all."
Regulus slumps back in his chair, no longer worrying about trying to intimidate an answer out of his father. Instead, he processes everything he's learnt in the last ten minutes and tries to fill in the gaps of what he hadn't known before.
"If what you're saying is true and Alphard left the country after helping you with the trial, why did he come back a couple of years ago? Surely, mother never would have allowed that."
"Your mother was never made aware of the part Alphard played in your brother's freedom," Orion announces, mirroring Regulus as he finally settles back into his own chair again. "The reason he returned when you were twelve is because Andromeda sent him."
"Why would she send him?" Regulus frowns, confused.
"She found out about you and instructed Alphard to meet you and find out if you were okay. I think she wanted to know if you were just like the rest of the family or not."
"But I-I'm not," Regulus argues, his voice turning slightly whiny as his frustration rises. "If she's known about me for all those years, then why didn't she-" He cuts himself off, not desperate enough to voice that question yet. His father still manages to decipher what he meant.
"When you were first born, I tried to get you out, too, even if it did kill me to even think about losing another one of my children. I never wanted either of you to grow up how I did. But Alphard and Andromeda were both gone and I was all alone. There was no evidence that your mother had ever done anything to you. She didn't start using spells on you until you were three, and by then, I was too sick to do anything about it. I tried, Regulus, you have to trust me. I really tried, but I wasn't good enough."
Regulus clenches his jaw and attempts to get his breathing under control. He can't tell if he's about to have a panic attack or if he's going to start yelling the house down.
No evidence? He wants to shout. My back is fucking covered in it.
"By the time Andromeda found out about you, it would have been almost impossible to get you out. There was a different Minister, one that cares more about reputation than the wellbeing of a single Pureblood child. Also, I know it's selfish, but the thought of having to lose you, to do that again... I just couldn't. I am so sorry, Regulus. I do not expect you to forgive me-"
"Good," Regulus snaps, standing from his chair. He leers over Orion's desk. "Because I won't. I will never forgive you for keeping my brother from me, or for allowing her to ruin me in every way she has."
"I understand," Orion responds, swallowing thickly. "Is there anything else you would like to know?"
Regulus stands up straight and folds his arms, thinking. "Why is Astro not on the family tapestry?"
"I am not sure. I predict Alphard cast a spell on it before he left, in case he ever had any children whilst he was away. It is possible to disconnect a member from the tree completely. I expect he did that without visually removing himself from the tree."
"Right," Regulus nods, storing that information away for later. "Well, thank you. For telling me."
"Regulus-"
"No," Regulus interrupts, an edging tone to his voice. "I meant what I said, I will never forgive you for this. I have nothing to say to you."
With that, he turns on his heel and marches out of the room, not even bothering to spare his father a parting glance before leaving, slamming the door behind him.
Friday - 11th June, 1976
Regulus and Evan return to his house after their trip to Diagon Alley. He hadn't expected to run into James. He especially hadn't expected to run into James and Lily Evans.
He's had a bit of a rough summer so far, and it's not even been two weeks yet. Avoiding his father has been easy since Orion hardly ever leaves his office. The only times he leaves it is at mealtimes or when he goes to bed, which is more often than not these days. On top of that, Regulus has had far too much time by himself, which means he has nothing to distract him from all of the thoughts he's been ignoring for the last month.
It hits him properly on the sixth day back at Grimmauld that Sirius Tonks is his brother. This isn't some big joke, or a prank that's been played on him, it's real. Sirius, the boy who has been picking on him since they were eleven; the boy who stole James away from him the first chance he got; the boy who he thought he hated until he was being told he was his brother, which made him realise he couldn't hate him at all. Sirius. His enemy. His brother. A stranger, because he's nothing like the person Regulus always thought he was. That was all an act, just pretend. They've both been wearing masks all these years. Regulus is used to wearing masks - he wonders if the two of them have that in common.
Sirius used to live in this very house, the place that Regulus can't enter without flinching, without being bombarded with flashes of terrible memories. A family tree, sharp but calculated lines on his back, his mother's cruel eyes. Eyes that both Regulus and Sirius share.
It's on the ninth day back that he decides he isn't going to tell his mother he knows. Not after his father's warnings about mentioning Andromeda. Regulus assumes bringing up Sirius' name would have the same reaction. As curious as he is, and as angry as he is, he isn't suicidal.
He asked his mother yesterday if he could go to Diagon Alley with Evan today. He needed to get out of the house, even if that did mean having to hang out at a spot as crowded as Diagon. Much to his surprise, Walburga agreed almost instantly. She's been more lenient this summer, less intrusive about Regulus' comings and goings. He wonders if it's because he's getting older, maybe she feels less inclined to worry about the possibility of him breaking any of her rules. Or maybe, just maybe, the Black family madness has finally taken her.
Regulus can dream, can't he?
So, Regulus has had a pretty crap summer so far. Mostly, it's just been lonely. Kreacher has kept him company during a couple of the days, but he's usually busy doing tasks around the house. It's why, when Regulus saw James standing in front of him and realised they were all alone, he pounced.
In hindsight, he can see this was a reckless move to make. Not only did he start snogging James in a public place, but he did it without even considering the dangers. Luckily, James was sane of mind enough to stop it all before they were found, but it wasn't long before someone came rushing around the corner. And that someone just so happened to be Lily bloody Evans.
Seriously, why is James always with her? Is he doing it on purpose to make me jealous?
He finds out that Evans knows about him and James, which is just great. Fantastic, actually. Because now Evans knows that she hasn't got a chance in hell with James, not whilst Regulus is around. However, it's also terrible because now there's another person who could easily spill their secret to anyone at anytime, which means his mother could find out.
Regulus only lets himself worry about this for a second before remembering that Evans has known about James and Regulus' "friendship" for years, and, as far as he knows, she's never told a soul about it. Much to his disdain, he realises he actually trusts her. How the fuck did that happen?
Before he and Evan leave, Regulus pulls James into one more kiss. He can tell James meant it to be a quick peck, just a swift goodbye as they may not see each other for months. But, as Regulus feels Evans' eyes on them, he draws it out and revels in the way James melts beneath his lips.
They return to Grimmauld Place and Evan is clever enough to not mention James - or Lily Evans - before they reach the garden, somewhere his mother won't be able to hear them. Still, just because he's paranoid and cannot risk James, he throws up a silencing spell.
Evan turns to him, smirking. "You are awfully fond of that Gryffindor of yours, aren't you?"
"Shut up," Regulus snaps, marching off towards the edge of the labyrinth. He considers going in, finds amusement in the thought of Evan getting lost, but then changes his mind, knowing Walburga would curse him if she found out. Obviously, he wouldn't leave Evan in there alone for long, but it would be funny. Still, he stops before entering it and swivels around. "Are you sure you want to talk about this? Because you have to remember that I know all about your obsession over Bar-"
"Okay, okay! Fine, I'll stop," Evan tuts, crossing his arms as he stands across from Regulus. The sun shines down on them, something optimistic, something that Regulus can't help but think doesn't go very well with Grimmauld Place. "The future is weird, you know."
"Is it?" Regulus asks, raising his eyebrows. He's surprised Evan is mentioning it at all. Usually, he follows Pandora's strict rules of not giving anything away about the future. Spoilers, she calls it.
"Yeah. I'm not sure if it's because when I see something I don't always get the full picture, so it doesn't make sense, or if that's just what the future is. Something that doesn't make sense."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, I thought I understood certain people, or that I at least had the right idea about them in my head, but there are some that choose things I wouldn't expect." Evan's voice drifts off for a moment, his eyes glaze over and shine brightly under the sun. When Regulus blinks, they look normal again. "What sort of person is James?"
"What?" Regulus frowns, confused by the subject change.
"I mean, is he like every other annoyingly noble Gryffindor, or does he have layers? Most Gryffindors are just copies of each other. Is he the same?"
Regulus' mind goes back to the day by the lake when they finished their final O.W.L exam and James had choked Snape with his bare hands. Afterwards, he destroyed a classroom, and when he looked at Regulus, it was like he didn't recognise him. Like he couldn't even remember entering the room, let alone destroying it. He thinks about all of the times James has gotten angry over the years, and how, while James' morals are usually held at a high standard, Regulus knows he has a dark side. James is just too scared to trigger it, so he buries it down inside of him instead.
"He's... different. Not just to the other Gryffindors, but to anyone I've ever met. There's no one else like him," Regulus breathes, too lost within his own thoughts of James and how much he already misses him to notice the way Evan softens at the look of pure love on Regulus' face.
"Is he a good person? He seems the moral sort," Evan says.
Regulus nods and simply murmurs, "He is. This world doesn't deserve him."
He has no idea why Evan is asking him all these questions, nor why he's actually answering them. It's just, he spent two years not being able to speak about James, and now that he has the opportunity, he can't stop. Especially when he misses him so.
Evan leaves before the afternoon is up, and it's on this day that Regulus realises something.
He's always wondered what was behind the door opposite his bedroom, but was always too frightened that his mother would curse him if she discovered he'd gone nosing about. It's always been off-limits. Regulus has never seen anyone go in or out of it, not even Kreacher, who is in charge of cleaning every inch of the house. Regulus can't even begin to imagine how much dust must have accumulated in the room over the years.
Wandering up from where he had been in the sitting room, he passes his own bedroom door and turns to face the second. The door is made of the same dark-ebony wood as the other doors in the house, but unlike the others, there is not a plaque on it. Regulus' door has one - it simply says his name, so people know it's his bedroom. Regulus had added his own sign beneath it back when he was nine and Bellatrix would burst into his room at anytime she pleased. It's still there to this day: Do Not Enter Without the Express Permission of Regulus Arcturus Black.
On the mystery door, there's a slightly lighter patch on the wood that looks like there used to be a plaque nailed to it, but it has since been removed. Regulus runs his fingers over it and almost jumps back as he feels magic buzz beneath his fingertips. It isn't sharp or stinging like his mother's magical trace, nor is it subtle like his father's. It's house-elf magic, Regulus can tell. He wonders what spell Kreacher would have cast over the room.
As his hand reaches the doorknob and turns it, he peeks his head into the room and instantly figures out that it must have been a preserving spell. Regulus has never seen anyone enter the room, and yet, it looks as if it hasn't been left neglected for a day.
Slowly, he steps into the room after checking once over his shoulder that his mother hasn't spotted him. He closes the door and turns to take in the room before him.
The walls are decorated with royal-blue wallpaper, the same pattern as Regulus' green walls, and the floor is made up of the exact same dark panels as the other bedrooms in the house. The room is laid out the same as Regulus', except it's mirrored, so the window is on the other side, as well as the rest of the furniture. Where there should be a grand double bed, there's an ornately-decorated cot.
Regulus hesitates before stepping forward. The cot is lighter than the rest of the furniture; it looks like it was made using wood from a holly tree. There are small images that have been painted across it, pictures of dragons and stars and moons. It looks nothing like the cot Regulus had when he was a baby, which was made of dark mahogany and simply had his name carved into the headboard and outlined with silver paint. This cot, however, looks like it was bought by loving parents who were full of wonder at the prospect of having a baby.
His eyes jump to the headboard where, sure enough, he finds a name carved into it. Only, this one isn't painted silver. It's red; like blood; like Gryffindor.
Sirius Orion Black
Regulus' hand flinches away from the cot. He's about to turn around and run out of the room when something else catches his eye.
There's a blanket in the cot, the colour of butter, and a small teddy-bear with a red bow around it's neck. Regulus reaches into the cot and picks up the bear, staring at it for a moment. He imagines Sirius as a baby, clutching onto this during his naptime. It must have been around the same size as him.
Regulus holds it to his own chest and keeps it there as he goes to exit the room. On his way out, he notices something on the desk. A small, framed photograph of both his parents and a baby in his mother's lap. It isn't him, he knows because he's seen pictures of himself as a baby, and whilst this one does look very similar to him, it's not. For example, Regulus was born completely bald, whilst this baby has a full head of dark curls.
In the photo, his mother is sitting on a chair, the baby in her arms, and his father is standing behind them, a hand on the back of the chair. There's a moment just before they pose for the picture, which moves just as all photos do in the Wizarding World, where Walburga glances down at her baby and something akin to fondness crosses her face before her normal cold façade returns and she stares dead into the camera.
It makes Regulus feel sick to see because his mother has never looked at him like that. Even when she tries to do what she believes is best for him, even though he does believe she loves him in her own way, she's never looked so happy to be a mother.
Regulus leaves the room and he wonders if the reason his mother has always treated him so harshly is because he isn't the son she wanted.
Saturday - 12th June, 1976
Kreacher arrives inside Regulus' bedroom just after lunch to tell him that they will be having guests over tonight. Regulus thanks him from his spot on his window seat and watches as the elf disapparates. He knows Scarlett and her parents are coming over tonight because she sent him an owl about it a couple of hours ago. They always try their best to warn each other about these sort of things.
He wonders if his mother has invited anyone else over. Just in case, he dresses himself up in his fanciest dress robes, knowing that if he's not wearing appropriate clothing for whoever shows up through their fireplace, his mother will take him to the drawing room later.
The next time Kreacher pops into his room, Regulus is ready to go downstairs. He makes it to the sitting room and finds his mother standing by the fireplace, whilst his father is seated in a chair just behind her. Regulus enters the room and catches the attention of both his parents. He ignores his father and goes to stand beside his mother, which is very out of character for him, but he's still not over the fact that Orion kept his brother from him. Sure, Walburga knew too, but Regulus wouldn't expect her to have told him anything.
The first through the grate are Narcissa and Lucius, no Nico in sight, so he imagines Lucius' father is looking after him for the evening. Regulus is struck with the sudden reminder that not only did Orion not tell him about Sirius, but neither did Narcissa. So, when she reaches out to hug him, he steps back and holds out his hand instead, gesturing for hers. Confusion washes over her features as she holds her hand out. Regulus leans down to briefly kiss her knuckles before unceremoniously dropping his cousin's hand and moving onto Lucius.
Thankfully, Scarlett shows up next, her parents in tow. Regulus greets her just as he always does, a lingering kiss on the knuckle to please their mothers, and a small smile just for them. He nods at her father amicably, and then his expression drops into one of indifference when he looks at Scarlett's mother. He's never liked the woman and he doubts he ever will.
"Would anyone care for a drink?" Orion asks the room, gesturing to the glass flagon of bourbon on the table beside him. He stands and somehow manages to not make it look like a struggle, even though Regulus knows it must be. He's been watching his father struggle to reach for his glass of wine at dinner for the last two weeks.
All of the grownups in the room, except for Walburga and Mrs Stark, accept his offer. Regulus imagines his mother is saving her thirst for the wine they'll have at dinner. She always did prefer the more palatable drinks than the rougher ones. Narcissa, however, has never had this problem, and takes the glass of bourbon Orion passes her before sipping it down almost entirely.
Regulus watches as Lucius rests his hand gently on her shoulder and whispers something in her ear, concern easily discernible on his features. Narcissa just shakes her head impassively and glances at Regulus, who quickly looks away. Luckily, he doesn't have to worry about Narcissa or Lucius coming over to speak to him, as the fireplace glows green again.
He almost sighs as he sees who comes through.
Bellatrix, who has her right arm through Rodolphus' and her left through Rabastan's, hops out of the fireplace excitedly, her dark hair bouncing under the lit sconces. She goes over to Walburga first, always one to greet the host before speaking to anyone else. Regulus faintly catches her commenting on Orion's obvious hunch before being reprimanded by Walburga.
When Bellatrix turns her eyes on Regulus and Scarlett, he stills. Scarlett leans into him, whether consciously or not, and whispers, "She is absolutely terrifying."
"Yeah," is all Regulus gets the chance to respond as Bellatrix has now made her way over to them. She mockingly curtseys to Scarlett whilst simultaneously eyeing her up and down, an inscrutable glint shining in her eyes. When she looks at Regulus, she grins widely, showing off every single one of her perfect teeth, which look even whiter next to her ebony lip gloss.
"Little Reggiekins. Not so little anymore, I see," she says, tilting her head back slightly just to make eye contact with him. It's true, he had quite a big growth spurt over the past year, enough to surpass even Rabastan's height. "Almost man enough to be the head of the family, and looking at your torpidity of a father, I would say that day is right around the corner."
Regulus has to stop himself from lashing out at her. Instead, he bites on the insides of his cheeks until he can taste blood and shuts what Bellatrix just said behind a door in his mind until it can't get to him.
They make it through to the dining room and take their seats around the table. Orion and Walburga sit at the two ends of the table, whilst Scarlett, her parents and Regulus sit on one side, and his cousins and their cling-ons sit on the opposite side.
As dinner is served to them, the conversation starts up. It begins with Lucius and Mister Stark conversing about the latest developments taking place in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement in the Ministry. Orion attempts to chime in every now and then, but it's been a while since he actually went into work, rather than doing his job from his office at home, so he doesn't have much input to offer.
Somehow, the topic of conversation moves on from Travers Senior's new law against Muggleborns being able to adopt Pureblood-born children, to his son's bonding ceremony with some Witch called Matilda Macmillan. This leads to Mrs Stark bringing up Scarlett and Regulus' bonding ceremony, which, until now, Regulus hasn't put much thought into. He knows it cannot legally take place until both participants are of age - not even with parental permission - and that the ceremony occurs before a marriage to bond the Witch and Wizard's magic together for life.
"I suppose now is the time to announce that we have officially settled on a date," Mrs Stark begins, looking aptly at Walburga as if waiting for permission to go on. Instead of nodding, Walburga places her wine glass down on the table and starts speaking, her eyes dead set on Regulus.
"Your bonding ceremony shall take place on the nineteenth of December next year. It will be the day after you return home for Christmas."
"I am surprised you are not eager for the ceremony to take place sooner," Rabastan announces, eyeing Regulus devilishly. "Like, for instance, in the summer. Your birthday is a week before you return to Hogwarts for your seventh year, is it not?"
"Yes, it is," Walburga cuts in, narrowing her eyes at Rabastan, who barely even flinches as he stops talking. "However, Regulus will be busy during that week, which is why we have pushed it back to December."
"Busy?" Regulus can't help but ask.
"Of course. It is when you will finally become of age and you are a Black. There are priorities that come even before your bonding ceremony."
Regulus doesn't miss the way Scarlett's mother sends Walburga a look as she says this, like she can't believe she was just insulted in such a way. Instead of focusing on that though, Regulus wonders what on earth his mother could have planned for him the week following his seventeenth birthday. It isn't for another year yet, so he tries not to worry too much. There are other things he can be worrying about right now.
"Rabastan," Walburga calls suddenly, causing everyone at the table to turn and look at him. He looks confused to have been pointed out, but doesn't let it show for long as he replies.
"Yes, Lady Black?"
"I hear you have finally joined your brother. Tell us, are you yet a favourite of the Dark Lord like Rodolphus and Bellatrix here are?"
Rabastan seems to settle as he realises he isn't about to be scolded for provoking Regulus a minute ago. Regulus, however, stills in his seat and tries his very best not to vomit up his dinner as Rabastan tells them in detail how pleased the Dark Lord is with him because of how well he did on their most recent raid. As soon as he starts describing exactly how someone's entrails were extracted out through their mouth, Regulus tunes out of the conversation and pretends he is anywhere else.
Beside him, Scarlett has put her cutlery down, so he assumes her appetite has also just vanished entirely.
They both remain silent until the end of dinner. Regulus expects this to be the end of the night, but then his mother declares that the women should follow her to the sitting room, whilst the men are to go with Orion into the drawing room. Regulus would rather die than go in there when he doesn't need to.
As the two groups separate, Scarlett sends Regulus a look that says, I wish I was a guy, and Regulus can't even blame her. Alright, so he doesn't want to be trapped in a room with his father, snooty Death Eater Lucius, and Rabastan fucking Lestrange but it could be worse. At least, he isn't being forced to sit around with his and Scarlett's mothers, or Bellatrix.
He notices Narcissa going off alone, presumably to use the bathroom, so he follows her, giving some half-hearted excuse about needing to use the bathroom himself.
She must notice she's being followed because, instead of heading towards a bathroom, she goes into the library. Regulus follows her inside and isn't surprised when he finds her standing just behind the door, arms crossed as she stares at him.
"What is it?" Narcissa asks, tone flat. She sounds exhausted and Regulus can't imagine why.
"Do not speak to me as if you cannot be bothered to hear what I am about to say," Regulus says, his voice low. "Out of all the people in this family to keep secrets from me, I never would have thought-"
"Regulus, I have no idea what you are talking about, but if you want to fight, can we please save it for another day? This evening has been exhausting enough as it is, and I do not-"
"I know about Andromeda," Regulus cuts in, making Narcissa fall silent. She freezes, mouth open where she was mid-sentence and eyes wide with surprise. To really make sure she understands what he's getting at, he adds, "And I know about Sirius."
"Did Orion tell you?" Her voice is quiet, almost like she's ashamed.
Good, Regulus thinks.
"No," Regulus snaps, frustrated now that she hasn't denied knowing. Hasn't denied not telling him. "I figured it out with Sirius. After we got over our differences, it was pretty fucking obvious how similar we were."
"Language, Regulus," Narcissa reprimands half-heartedly.
"You think I'm worried about my language right now? I'm not! I can't believe you knew all these years and never once thought I should know. Because you did know, didn't you?" He narrows his eyes, face completely blank otherwise, and straightens his posture so that he towers over her.
"I've always known," Narcissa admits, never once breaking their eye contact. He can appreciate that, at least. "But I made a promise."
"I don't care about some promise you made to my father or yours-"
"No, Regulus," Narcissa snaps, loud enough to gain his attention again. "I made a promise to myself that I would never ever repeat that name out loud again." She takes a step forward and suddenly she's the tallest in the room. "I didn't just keep it to myself to be malicious or because I thought it would hurt less if I never again spoke my sister's name. I was protecting myself, Bella, and you."
"What?" Regulus asks, incredulous. How does that even make any sense?
"You have no idea what you are talking about," she adds, voice slightly less venomous now. "I know it wasn't fair to you to keep it to myself, but I had to look out for her." Narcissa moves around him and goes for the door. She opens it, but before she leaves, she turns and whispers, "Now that you have a sibling, you should know what that's like."
Regulus is left alone in the dark library to think over her words. He doesn't know if the "her" she's been looking out for refers to Andromeda, Bellatrix, or a younger version of herself.
***
Tuesday - 1st June, 1976
Sirius
Sirius managed to restrain himself from bursting into a fit of anger last night when he returned home. Mainly because he didn't want to startle Dora, who looked very eager to see him. Also because he's a coward and he wasn't ready to talk about it. Sirius has learnt that he isn't very good at dealing with his own problems. When he first found out he was adopted, he stayed in bed for days, barely eating and hardly talking. Now, after finding out that he's a Black and that he has a long lost brother who he's been basically bullying for years, he hides up in his bedroom again and doesn't even come down for dinner. He pretends he's sleeping when his mum comes up to get him, so he is left alone for the night.
The next morning, however, is not quite so easy.
Sirius is starving when he wakes up just before midday. He hasn't eaten since the train, and even then it was only half a sandwich that he ended up sharing with Marlene. He sneaks down to the kitchen, hoping he won't bump into either of his parents. Unfortunately, he isn't so lucky.
His dad and Dora are nowhere to be seen, so Sirius assumes they are both down in the shop. His mum, however, is standing in front of the open fridge as he enters the kitchen. For a moment, he thinks she might not have seen him, so he goes to turn around, but then-
"Oh, there you are," Andy says, closing the door to the fridge when Sirius turns around again. "I was just about to come and wake you up. It isn't like you to sleep in for so long."
Sirius just glares at her and mutters, "Maybe you don't know what I'm like."
"Huh?" She questions, not really having noticed his mood as she sits down at the table and picks up a copy of the Muggle newspaper that had been resting on the table. She sips at her tea as if she hasn't got a care in the world.
For some reason, this aggravates Sirius, who stomps across the room and rips the newspaper out of her hands.
"What's up with you? Did someone sleep on the wrong side of the bed?" She asks, a joking glint in her eyes.
Sirius feels as his face twists up in anger. He's never been this frustrated, except for maybe at Snape.
"What's up with me? What's up with you ?" He snarls, chucking the newspaper to the floor. "How could you keep him from me?"
For a moment, Andy just stares back at him, seemingly confused, but she's clever. She always has been, just like Sirius. Regulus is smart, too. Sirius wonders if it's a family trait. Her eyes light up with realisation, but it's hesitant, like she doesn't want to believe he knows.
Well, tough shit, because I do know, Sirius thinks.
"Sirius, what are you talking about?" Andy asks carefully, afraid of the answer.
"Regulus," Sirius bites out. It's all he has to say to confirm that he knows everything.
She gasps almost silently, but Sirius catches it. She sets her jaw and then meets his stare head-on, like she's been waiting for this day to come. The day he would find out that she's a liar.
"How did you find out?"
"We figured it out together. It wasn't very difficult. Apparently, he's been searching for you for years, but you just hid yourself so well from him-"
"Not just from him, Sirius. From all of them," she corrects, voice nearly as hard as his.
"Does that make it any better? You left him there on his own! You took us away from each other! And I know you've known about him since at least second year because I mentioned him and I remember the way you reacted. If you knew, why didn't you go and get him out, too?"
"Because I couldn't risk you!" Andy shouts, matching Sirius' tone now completely. "I found out he existed and I sent Alphard to go and check on him, to make sure he was okay. There was no imminent risk to him and I couldn't just storm in there and go 'oh, hey auntie, remember me? I'm coming to steal another one of your children away!' There are different rules this time, Sirius!"
"I don't give a shit about your rules!" Sirius yells, not caring about his language or the fact that he's yelling at his mum. "He is at imminent risk."
"He's not-"
"He is! You haven't seen his fucking back!" Sirius bursts out, hyperventilating like someone who has just run a marathon.
Andy blinks and panic crosses her face. "What about his back?"
Sirius hesitates, sure Regulus wouldn't want anyone else to know. But maybe... maybe if he tells his mum about what Regulus' mother does to him, they might be able to get him out, too.
"His back is covered in scars from where his mother abuses him," Sirius says, voice desperate. "Some of them are years old, some just months. For all I know, he could be getting some new ones right now. But they're all over him, and isn't that imminent enough of a risk? Can you really sit there and tell me that if she was doing that to me, you wouldn't go in and get me?"
"Sirius, don't," Andy warns, but Sirius doesn't care anymore.
"No," he shakes his head. "You don't get to do that. He's- he's my brother, okay? Just because I didn't know that until recently, that doesn't make it any less true. If you really don't care about getting him out like you did for me, then you are a part of the problem."
His voice cracks and he realises it's because he's heartbroken. It's because he's spent his entire life believing that his mother was the strongest person he's ever known, and now she's showing him just how untrue that is. Really, he's just disappointed.
"It's not that I don't care, Sirius," she shakes her head. "I do, and I want to get him out, but it's different to how it was with you. The whole of Wizarding Britain knows he exists, it wouldn't just be a simple set of trials like it was for you. There's a different Minister, a new Wizengamot- we wouldn't have enough allies and it would all be a waste. And she would find you. And- and Dora. And Ted."
Sirius hesitates at the mention of Dora's name. He doesn't want to risk her, especially not after seeing with his own eyes what that family is capable of. But he also knows that he can't just sit idly by and wait until the next time Regulus is punished. He can't just wait around for the time their mother takes it to far and does something irreversible.
"You know, I always used to think you were the bravest person in the whole world," Sirius says, his tone calm and still like the sea. "But I was wrong. You ran and you hid and you're still hiding. That's not brave, even if it is protecting your own. That's what cowards do."
And with that, Sirius turns around and rushes up to his bedroom. He changes into some clean clothes and hurriedly packs a bag, sure that he's forgotten at least half the things he'll need, but doesn't actually care as he runs back down the stairs all the way to the ground floor. He puts his shoes on and then storms through the shop. His dad is sitting behind the counter with Dora in his lap.
"Sirius- Sirius, where are you going?" Ted asks, concern written clearly across his face.
Sirius turns his blazing gaze onto his dad. "Why don't you ask my cousin up there? I'm sure she'll tell you everything, even if she did keep it all from me."
He doesn't let himself feel bad about what he's said, nor does he look at Dora before he goes. He chucks on his backpack and, out of view of everyone, he shifts into Padfoot and starts leaping down the street. He heads for the beach and only shifts back into himself when he's found an isolated spot between two massive boulders. He hides there until the sun begins to set, not bothering to get anything to eat, and not wondering whether his parents are out looking for him or if they're waiting for him to calm down and come home.
Well, they'll be waiting a while then, he thinks stubbornly.
He is discovered eventually, but it isn't his parents that find him.
"Hello, Sirius," Xeno says as he squeezes into the small space Sirius has hidden himself. He sits down beside him and then wraps an arm around his shoulders.
"Hey," Sirius replies quietly. It's been hours since he last spoke - or shouted, whatever.
"You can stay at mine if you'd like," Xeno offers without even questioning Sirius on why he's hiding between two boulders right now. Though, Sirius expects Xeno already knows the answer to that.
"You knew, too, didn't you?" He asks, not angry, just curious.
"I did."
Sirius nods slowly and then drops his head to Xeno's shoulder, desperate for the comfort. "How long can I stay with you?"
"Forever if you want," Xeno replies instantly.
Sirius laughs wetly and it soon turns into crying. Xeno holds him through it, whispering nonsense to him until he's laughing again. It isn't until the sun has completely set and the stars are out that they leave the beach. Sirius looks up at the night sky and feels his eyes well up again as he spots Regulus' star in the sky.
Monday - 7th June, 1976
Sirius stays at Xeno's house for almost a week and during that time he sends Remus at least a single letter a day. He's been angry, mute, unusually hyped up, and now he's just a bit sad. As much as he hates to admit it, he misses his parents, and Dora. He is still unbelievably mad that they didn't tell him about Regulus, but he knows having a tantrum about it isn't going to fix anything. He also understands where his mum his coming from, even if he doesn't quite agree with her. Maybe that's just the Slytherin and Gryffindor difference between them. Sirius is willing to risk it all because he knows he can get Regulus out if he tries hard enough - he's determined. But Andy? She's too afraid that risking it all means she'll lose it all. And Sirius gets that, even if he doesn't want to.
He was supposed to be going back home last night, but he chickened out at the last moment and decided to stay with Xeno for one more night. He feels like he's overstayed his welcome, even though none of the Lovegoods have given him that impression. They are just really nice people, so they probably don't want to say it to his face.
When he does eventually gather the nerve to go home, Xeno walks him there. He tells Sirius that if he wants to turn around at any point, they can and he can stay with him for another week, but Sirius knows he needs to do this now. For two reasons. One, stewing in it all is slowly draining him and he isn't quite sure how much longer he will survive if he doesn't get some answers. Two, he's supposed to be going to Remus' house in a few days and Remus has already told him that he wants him to try and talk to his parents first before leaving for Wales.
Remus.
Sirius' chest explodes with heat just thinking about his name. Oh, he's made such a horrible mistake.
Well, no, it wasn't a mistake per say.
It's just, Remus kissed him and Sirius hadn't been expecting it. It's something he's been wanting to do for literally years, and suddenly Remus was doing it to him. When he pulled away that first time, Sirius wasn't done. How could that be their first kiss? It was so short and innocent. Sirius needed more. He couldn't just have the tiniest piece of Remus ever and then never get that again, which is why he dragged him back in. And their second kiss? Oh, that was a good kiss.
No, it was an excellent kiss. Much better than the ones Sirius has dreamt about over the years.
Then, he dropped the bomb onto Remus about Regulus being his brother, which sort of ruined the mood. Sirius tried to mention the kiss again after, but Remus changed the subject and Sirius instantly got the message. He didn't want to talk about it, or acknowledge it. He wanted to pretend it didn't happen.
Sirius could do that. He could.
Well, he thought he could.
He spent the next two weeks practically hanging off James and Peter's arms, avoiding Remus and trying not to focus on the fact that Regulus was clearly avoiding him. Then, when Regulus finally came to find him and they had a mostly amicable conversation, Sirius just had to tell someone. There was a tentative excitement in his chest that he had never felt before - it was the prospect of his brother actually liking him. And the only person who knew he had a brother, the only person he had told, was Remus. So, he cornered him and they spoke about it, but that was all. Neither of them mentioned the kiss.
The next day, they were on the Hogwarts Express, heading for home. Sirius' mind was a whirlwind of anger and panic and determination. He couldn't stop thinking about how his parents kept Regulus from him, whether accidentally or not. But then, like some sort of shield charm to work against the evil storm of his thoughts, Remus was laughing and suddenly that's all Sirius could focus on.
Remus was talking to Lily about some book they had both been reading and Sirius couldn't stop looking at him.
You see, it was different now because, whilst Sirius had been wanting Remus for years, now he'd had him. Briefly. Oh, far too briefly. He wanted him again. Couldn't even entertain the possibility of never getting to feel Remus' hair between his fingers and his lips working against his own.
It was the most exhilarating, cosmic sensation Sirius had ever experienced.
When he caught Remus' eye, he gestured for him to follow him out of the carriage. It wasn't something he had planned, more like an urge he had to act on right then and there. He went to a separate compartment, one that was completely empty, and waited.
It only took thirty seconds or so for Remus to arrive.
Sirius didn't even give him a second to breathe before he was wrapped around him again, and Remus instantly responded just as Sirius hoped he would.
Sirius had lost control and got a bit carried away, but Remus got carried away, too. Sirius knows it's probably because Remus has never been with a boy before, so he's just experimenting. Sure, Sirius wishes it could mean more to Remus like it does to him, but if this is all he'll ever get, then fine. He'll take it. He would take anything Remus offered him.
Remus was rough in a way that Jess never was. Sirius liked it. His hands were calloused and his skin was mottled in places because of his scars. His hair was shaggy and his lips were slightly chapped. And Sirius loved every single bit of it.
The idea of seeing Remus again in a couple of days is his leading motivation that drives him to step into his parents' shop, Xeno still by his side. His dad is behind the counter, serving a customer. There are rings beneath his eyes that are darker than Sirius' hair and his hair looks messier than usual, like he couldn't be bothered to brush it when he got up this morning.
Once the customer in front of him moves to leave, Ted finally notices Sirius standing by the door. He stands up suddenly from his chair but doesn't come forward, almost like he's afraid Sirius will run away again if he gets too close.
"Sirius," Ted says, voice hopeful.
"Hey, dad," Sirius murmurs, feeling a bit embarrassed by everything that happened. He turns to Xeno and thanks him. "I'm gonna go talk to them. I'll let you know how it goes."
"Alright," Xeno nods before hugging him tightly. "You can come back if it's too much."
Sirius just smiles at him as he leaves the shop. He takes it upon himself to turn the sign on the door so that it says the shop is closed instead of open. His dad doesn't argue with him and follows him up the stairs to their house.
When he walks into the living room, he finds his mum sitting on the couch with Dora in her lap. The radio is on in the background, playing the Beatles song, I Will.
Dora notices him first. She jumps out of Andy's lap and starts yelling out his name as she careens towards him. Her hair, which was blue when he walked in, has now turned to a bright purple. She jumps into his arms and he catches her, lifting her until she's sitting on his hip. She wraps her tiny arms around his neck and whispers, "Missed you, big brother."
Sirius feels like he might cry just from that.
Fortunately, he manages to keep it in as he whispers back, "I missed you, little sis." He looks over Dora's head and meets his mum's eyes. She's watching him cautiously, probably wondering if he's about to run off again. He settles her worries by coming forward, Dora still glued to him, and sitting down on the armchair next to the couch. His dad sits beside his mum on the couch.
"I've been thinking about it, and I know it's not your fault," Sirius says, hoping he sounds more mature than he did last time he was home. "I'm mad at the situation and I'm angry at that family for what they're doing. It's not your fault that it's happening and I shouldn't have told you to go back there after escaping it all because I obviously don't know what it's like growing up like that. You do and I should respect that. I'm- I'm sorry."
Andy's cautious expression melts into something soft as she scoots across the couch and reaches out a hand for Sirius to take. He does, whilst keeping his other arm wrapped around Dora, who seems to have nodded off against his shoulder. She's always doing that, and he doesn't understand how she does it so quickly.
"It's okay, mon trésor," she says, squeezing his hand gently. "I understand your point. I had to leave behind my sisters when I left." Pain crosses her face as she speaks and Sirius can't help but hold her hand tighter. "I regret that every day. The only thing that stops the guilt from consuming me is knowing that I managed to give you a better life than anyone in that family has ever gotten. So, finding out that Regulus existed..." she shakes her head, a tear streaking out of her eye and running down her cheek. She doesn't wipe it away, just lets it fall. "It was like everything that was subduing my guilt didn't matter anymore because, while I saved you, I sentenced him to the life you would've had if I didn't take you."
Sirius lets his mum's words sink in and the room is silent for a long minute before he finally speaks up.
"You don't have to do anything, but I want to try and get him out of there anyway. I can't- I- It's not possible for me to just sit by and watch as he comes back to school with more scars each time, I just can't do it," he states, hoping they will understand. "I won't do anything dangerous, or get myself noticed by them, but I'm going to try. I'll do anything to help him."
Andy and Ted look at each other and seem to have a silent conversation. Sirius' hand begins to sweat where it's still stuck in his mum's grasp, but he doesn't want to let go. Not just yet.
"Okay," his dad says, nodding. "But you have to be careful."
"I know."
"They have most of Wizarding Britain on their side, Sirius," his mum tells him, but it isn't to dissuade him of his choice, it's like she's preparing him. "So, we are going to have to be clever about this."
Sirius head snaps up. "We?"
"Of course," Ted states. "We're Tonks' - we stick together."
Thursday - 10th June, 1976
When Sirius arrives in Wales a couple of days later, he gets the warmest welcome he thinks he's ever gotten from anyone. Hope is the first to pull him into a hug, clearly eager to see him again. It's been a while, so Sirius can't blame her. He missed her, too. When she lets go, she doesn't go far, looping their arms together and taking him through to the kitchen. He wonders briefly where the hell Remus is, but almost forgets entirely when Hope offers him a slice of the vanilla sponge she baked this morning.
"Remus told me it's your favourite," she tells him with a wink.
A few minutes later, the sound of two voices overlapping come from the living room. Sirius feels as his anxiety hits him. Remus is in the other room. Remus who he hasn't seen since the train. Remus who he hasn't seen since they-
"Oh, hello!" Lyall beams at him as he steps into the room. He pats Sirius jovially on the back and asks him how his summer has been so far.
"Oh, you know, boring. I've been getting my homework done so I don't have to worry about it the week before we go back to school," Sirius chuckles.
"You better tell Remus to do the same. He's the academic sort, but he's also very lazy," Lyall says, snickering.
"Oi!" Remus exclaims as he finally enters the kitchen. Sirius feels as his breath catches in his chest the moment their eyes meet. Remus reaches up and scratches the back of his neck, looking bashful in the cutest way. "Hey, Sirius."
"Hey," Sirius breathes.
Remus is wearing a t-shirt, which is rare for him. Usually, he wears long sleeves to cover up the scars on his arms. Not that Sirius has an issue with them - he loves Remus' scars and always has. Maybe that's weird, but oh well. He has bigger things to worry about than if he's a weirdo.
His eyes wander down to where Remus' jeans are hanging low on his hips. His shirt is riding up slightly where he's still got a hand settled on the back of his neck, which means Sirius is blessed with the sight of Remus' bare hip.
Someone clears their throat and Sirius jumps out of his daze, glancing speedily at Hope, who raises her eyebrows and smirks. Sirius blushes and looks down at his cake.
"Lyall and I are going out for lunch," Hope announces out of nowhere. Lyall looks up at her with a confused scrunch between his eyebrows, like this is news to him. "Then you boys can have some time to catch up."
"Oh okay, when are you going?" Remus asks, clearly also only now finding out about this lunch.
"Right now, actually," Hope says as she checks her watch. "Yep, time to go! Come on, Lyall dear." She grabs her husband's hand and drags him from the room. "See you both later! We'll probably be a while."
The door closes and Sirius and Remus just turn to look at each other in bewilderment. Sirius realises then that he's still just holding his plate of cake and places it on the table.
"So, that was weird," he says.
"Yeah," Remus agrees, staring at the door where his parents just left. "Sorry, I wasn't here when you arrived. My tad had me out on the field, said I had to earn my right to see you." He snorts and rolls his eyes.
"Well, obviously." Sirius flips his hair over his shoulder and smirks. "I'm just a prize to be won after all."
At that comment, Remus' eyes latch onto his and then they're both moving forward. They barely get the chance to kiss before someone's pounding on the door. Sirius reaches out and pushes Remus away from him. He stumbles but manages not to fall. Sirius' eyes widen as he apologises.
"It's okay," Remus mumbles, wiping his lips with the back of his hand and starting towards the door. When he opens it, Cara and Felix come marching in.
Sirius grins. "Oh, hey!"
"Great, he's here," Cara smiles, walking over to Sirius and bumping their shoulders together. "Finally. Remus hasn't stopped yapping about you all week."
Sirius glances at Remus, who is now standing in front of the closed door, a pink flush to his cheeks. It is quite a warm day.
"Really?"
"Really," Felix emphasises the word with a dramatic hand gesture. "Thank God you've come and saved us all."
Sirius laughs. "Not so sure about saving, but I'll distract him so you guys can have some peace and quiet." When he looks over at Remus again, the other boy's pink cheeks have turned even darker.
Felix and Cara end up staying until dinnertime. By then, Remus' parents have returned as well, which means they lost their chance to do... whatever it was they were going to do before they were interrupted.
They go out for dinner, just as they did the first time Sirius ever visited Carmarthen. This time, they go to a quaint Italian restaurant. Sirius sits next to Remus and their legs brush. Neither of them move away throughout the entire meal.
That night, once Hope and Lyall have gone off to bed, leaving Remus and Sirius alone in the living room, Remus suggests they go outside. Willing to do anything Remus suggests, Sirius follows after him. They put on their shoes and quietly exit the house. Remus leads him past the crop fields that are behind the Lupin estate and through to the meadow just next door. Wildflowers like baby's breath and dandelions are scattered like stars through the vast sea of long grass.
Without any preamble, Remus drops to the floor, lying in the grass as he stares up at the night sky. Shivering slightly - because, even though it's summer, it's still late at night - Sirius joins him. They lie side by side under the stars and the moon that is almost full, just two more days.
"Is that one your star?" Remus questions, his voice soft. He points towards one of the brighter stars.
"No, that's Polaris. I'm that one," Sirius says, reaching out to direct Remus' finger in the correct direction.
"Oh."
Sirius drops his hand and lets it lay in the grass. When Remus does the same, their skin brushes and, just like at the restaurant, neither of them move away. Feeling brave, Sirius links their hands together, letting his fingers fall between Remus'.
He may not know what they are, or what they're doing, but he does know this. He is completely and utterly besotted with Remus Lupin. He's in love with him. Actually in love with him. It's both the best and the worst feeling in the universe.
"I wish I had a star," Remus whispers, breaking the silence that had comfortably settled between them.
"But, Moony, you have something better," Sirius says, gesturing to the moon. Remus just grimaces and shakes his head.
"No, I want something that doesn't make me feel nauseous when I look at it."
"We could share mine?" Sirius suggests. "Unless, that is, you feel nauseous when you look at it." He laughs lightly and feels something tighten in his chest as Remus smiles.
"Alright, we'll share yours," he replies.
Under the starlight, Sirius realises that it doesn't matter right now if they are or aren't something. Here, they are just two boys, a star and a moon, intertwined beneath the view of the entire universe.
Friday - 11th June, 1976
The next day, Sirius wakes up with his cheek pressed against Remus' shoulder. He lets himself indulge in the feeling of being so close to him for only a minute before he moves away.
Remus has work this afternoon, so they spend most of the morning catching up and talking about what their friends are all getting up to. When Remus has to go to work, Sirius walks him to the bakery, where he says hello to Hope, and hangs around there for the first hour.
"Sirius," Remus says as he approaches the table he's been sitting at since he arrived. "You're clearly bored. You can go back to mine, you know?"
"Yeah, but I don't want to if you aren't going to be there," Sirius whines, always dramatic.
Remus rolls his eyes fondly. "Go on a walk then, or go and find Cara. Just, please don't sit here and waste your day staring out the window. I'll feel terrible later."
Sirius sighs. "Fine, I'll go for a walk."
He slides out of the booth he was sitting at and stops right in front of Remus, who looks far too cute in his little apron. Remus has one hand gripping the table, trapping Sirius from going anywhere.
"Don't get lost," Remus says in a voice so low that it sends a shiver down Sirius' spine. He takes in a slow breath and meets Remus' big, brown eyes.
"I'll try my best, chérie," he responds before ducking under Remus' arm and heading towards the exit.
Sirius wanders down the street and finds the centre of the village. He recognises the church that Remus pointed out to him years ago, the one his family goes to every Sunday. There's a sign outside of it that promotes a bake sale that will be taking place in a couple of days. Sirius wonders if Hope will show up with her perfectly baked pastries.
He goes into a couple of shops, mostly charity shops that have sparse donations, but there aren't many. He buys a charm bracelet he finds that has a small phone box charm on it, as well as one of the English flag and another of Big Ben.
Once he's been exploring for an hour, he decides to start heading back to the bakery. There isn't very much to do around here on your own, not unless he wants to go to the cinema by himself, but he'd really rather not.
As Sirius is making his way down one of the backroads, deciding he'll trek through a field to get back to the bakery instead of going back through the village centre, he almost bumps directly into someone who looks like they've just escaped from somewhere. He apologises as he reaches out to stop them from tripping over his feet. When they look up to meet his eyes, he realises this isn't just a stranger.
"Oh, Sirius," Marie says, surprise written as clear as day across her face. She shakes her head and smiles. "I heard you were visiting. How are you?"
To Sirius' shock, she wraps her arms around him tightly, like they're lifelong friends or something. Sirius takes a moment to react, too busy trying to overcome his surprise. Eventually, he hugs her back, but it's only brief as she pulls away a second later.
"I'm alright," he finally answers. "How are you? I heard you- Well, I heard a lot has changed since I was last here."
"You have no idea," Marie exclaims, eyes widening. She starts walking in the direction she just came from, the way Sirius was heading, but doesn't seem to realise that she's going back on herself. "Life went to shit for a while, but now it's... well, it's been better. Having a bit of a rough day right now, though."
"How come?" Sirius finds himself asking.
Marie shrugs. "People at school suck. I mean, I can't even pop to the CO-OP without being hassled."
"You're getting the celebrity treatment then," Sirius chuckles, hoping that will make her feel better.
"I suppose that's one way to look at it," she agrees, grinning. They walk out onto one of the fields, but Marie just carries on with him. "Unfortunately, it's not so much adoring fans as it is nosy little cunts who don't know when to shut their mouths."
Sirius can't help it, he lets out a startled laugh. "Wow, a lot really has changed. The last time I saw you, you refused to even say the word 'hell'."
"Yeah, I was such a prude back then." Marie sighs, twisting a strand of her long, blonde hair around her index finger. "You know, I wish I could do something to make them really look."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. I've been meaning to change my hair for a while, and imagining everyone's faces when they see that perfect, prissy Marie has chopped it all off would be a terrific bonus. Don't you think?"
Sirius examines her hair for a moment. "Yeah, I get it. If they're going to stare, you might as well give them something to gawp at."
"Exactly," she beams, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "Have you ever done something like that?"
"Mm," Sirius hums as he thinks. "I once wore makeup to class, which is apparently gape-worthy if you're a boy. I didn't do it for them though; I did it because I liked it."
"I want to change my hair for me," Marie says. "Cara offered to do it for me, but she's shit with scissors."
"Hey, back at Hogwarts, I cut Marlene's hair all the time. She's one of our friends," Sirius explains, not even focusing on the fact that he's having a proper conversation with Marie for perhaps the first time ever. "I bet I could do yours... If that's something you'd want?"
"Oh, would you?" Marie asks excitedly. "I genuinely think if I wait any longer I'm going to end up doing it myself and it'll go horrendously wrong and I'll end up looking like a twat."
"Of course. When do you want to do it?"
Marie raises her eyebrows. "Now...?"
Sirius looks down at his watch. "Yeah, I've still got a couple of hours until Remus finishes his shift."
Marie smirks. "How is Remus doing?"
Frowning, Sirius slowly replies, "Fine."
"Oh, I bet he is," she laughs to herself and Sirius can't help but feel confused.
"I'm confused," he voices aloud.
"Of course you are," Marie snorts. Then, with a devilish expression, she says, "How was your train ride home?"
Sirius' eyes widen as he turns rapidly to look at her, stopping in his steps. "He told you?"
"Well, duh. I'm his best friend," she announces before cackling.
"But- but- What did he tell you?" Sirius shrieks.
"Everything."
"Everything ?"
"Mhm," Marie nods, still amused.
Sirius lets out a strangled noise. "Isn't that weird for you? I mean, I'm pretty sure he still..." He loathes himself for saying it out loud, and to Marie no less, but it has to be done. "He's still in love with you. He's always going to be in love with you." He does not miss the bitterness in his tone.
"That doesn't mean he's incapable of loving someone else just the same," Marie sing-songs, far too ecstatic about this.
"It isn't like that," Sirius shakes his head. "We're just friends."
Marie pulls a face at him that says, Are you really this stupid?
"You know what, I don't want to talk about this," Sirius declares as he starts walking again. Marie waits a minute before catching up with him, her blonde hair whipping behind her like some kind of lasso. "How short were you thinking about cutting your hair?"
"Short."
An hour later, Sirius is standing in the bathroom at Marie's house. Her father isn't home, so Sirius doesn't have to awkwardly explain that he's Marie's ex-boyfriend's friend from the "boarding school" he attends in Scotland.
"If I was seventeen, I could have done this with my wand and it would've been so much easier," Sirius says as he continues to snip of pieces of blonde hair. Marie is sitting on a stool in front of her bathroom mirror. Every now and then she tells him to cut it shorter, so he just keeps going.
"Why seventeen?"
"That's when we become adults in the Wizarding World," Sirius explains.
"What, so you can buy alcohol and stuff at seventeen instead of eighteen?" Marie asks, sounding genuinely interested about the Wizarding World. Sirius is surprised Remus hasn't told her these things before.
"Yep, pretty much," he nods. "We can also finally use magic out of school. Not that people don't do it secretly anyway, but if you're caught, you get your wand snapped and you're not allowed back in Wizarding society."
"That's a bit dramatic."
"Yeah, our laws are," he agrees. "If I go much shorter with this, you're going to be bald. Do you want to keep the floppy bit at the front?"
"By floppy bit, I assume you mean the fringe?" Marie raises an amused eyebrow. Sirius pokes his tongue out at her reflection. "Yeah, let's keep it. I don't want to be bald either."
"So, we're done?"
"We're done," she confirms, hopping off the stool and admiring herself closely in the mirror.
Marie's long, blonde curls are now gone, discarded on the floor. A memory of the girl she used to be, but no longer fit for the woman she is now.
Now, her hair is short in the back and slightly longer around the top, front and sides. Honestly, her haircut looks a bit like Peter's usual style, but a bit choppier. Sirius never claimed to be perfect at this, just passable.
"I love it," Marie breathes, smiling softly at herself in the mirror. Sirius almost feels sad as he watches her look at herself because it is very clear that she wasn't happy with what she was seeing before, and now she can be at peace with who she sees in the mirror. And he got to help her do that.
"It suits you," Sirius tells her, smiling kindly.
She turns around and faces him properly. "Thank you, Sirius, really. I-"
"Marie!" Comes a voice from somewhere downstairs.
Marie's eyes widen as she looks at the closed bathroom door and mutters a quiet, "Shit."
"Who is it?" Sirius questions.
"Hugo," Marie practically squeaks before rushing around the bathroom like she's looking for something but forgot what. Sirius just watches her with confusion before it hits him.
"Wait a minute," he points at her. "Wait a minute."
Marie turns on him. "What?"
"You and Hugo?"
"What ?" She repeats, firmer this time.
Sirius lets out a joyous laugh. "You like him."
"No, I do not," Marie huffs. When Hugo calls her name again, sounding closer now, she starts panicking again. "Oh, god."
"It's fine, I'm sure he'll love your new hair," Sirius tries to reassure her, but it doesn't do much to settle her nerves as the bathroom door, which they didn't lock, slowly begins to open.
Hugo cautiously pops his head around the corner, like he's expecting to find Marie's dad in the bath or something. When he notices Sirius, he looks both surprised and happy to see him. Then, his eyes move to the hair on the floor and confusion fills his features before he turns to look at Marie.
"Oh, hello," Hugo smiles, stepping into the room now. His eyes are still trained on Marie, who is anxiously fiddling with the locket around her neck.
"Hey," Sirius waves. "Good to see you again."
"Yeah, you too," Hugo blinks and glances at Sirius. "It's been ages, how are you?"
"Oh, you know, fine. Just helped Marie to cut her hair. She wanted it to be a bit shorter," Sirius gestures to the girl who is still frozen in the middle of the room, looking trapped between wanting to flee and wanting to melt into the floor.
"A bit ?" Hugo chuckles, looking at her again. "There's hardly any of it left."
Sirius winces as Marie's face falls.
Hugo definitely could have worded that better.
Luckily, he seems to instantly realise his error, as he properly steps forward into the room and makes his way over to Marie.
"It looks great though! Really, I mean it. You look- it's beautiful. You're always beautiful, so it's- there's not much of a change there..."
Sirius has to stop himself from laughing. Well, at least he knows Hugo still likes Marie, even after all these years. And Marie obviously likes him back now.
"You don't think it looks odd?" Marie asks, her blue eyes wide with apprehension.
"Definitely not," Hugo assures her. He reaches out and tucks a strand of it behind her ear. "You've never looked better."
They just stare at each other for what feels like forever before Sirius awkwardly clears his throat.
"I should go. Remus is nearly done with his shift and... yeah..." He walks over to the door.
"Thank you," Marie calls out. "For helping me today."
Sirius turns around and smiles. "No problem."
That evening, Remus and Sirius are left home alone whilst Hope and Lyall go out for dinner with a couple of their friends from around the village. They spend the first couple of hours watching movies and playing Scrabble - which Sirius obviously wins. He is the smartest after all.
"What sort of word is 'accismus'?" Remus gestures at the tiles Sirius just laid down on the board, a look of deep incredulity on his face.
"It's a word, Moony. You should pick up a book," Sirius snorts.
Remus gives him an unimpressed look. "What does it mean?"
"It's when someone acts disinterested about something, but they actually really desire the thing they are pretending not to want," he explains, trying not to think about how that word refers to him.
Remus just blinks. "How do you even know that?"
Sirius shrugs. "I read."
He almost laughs when Remus' eye twitches. Then, before he even gets the chance to count how many points he just won, Remus pushes the board aside, scattering the tiles about. He moves forward at the same time Sirius looks up and presses their lips together. Sirius feels his eyes close as one of Remus' hands closes around the back of his head, tangling in his curls. With his own hands, he reaches up to cup Remus' jaw and kisses him more firmly.
Remus' free hand lands on Sirius' thigh and starts to slowly climb it's way up.
"What time did you parents say they'd be back?" Sirius asks as he briefly breaks away from their kiss.
"Nine," Remus responds before dropping his mouth to Sirius' jaw and pressing a trail of warm kisses down the hollow of his throat. Sirius glances at the clock and notices it's just gone eight o'clock.
"Moony," he whispers, digging his fingers into the hair at the nape of Remus' neck. He lets out a low moan as Remus bites down on his collarbone. "Upstairs."
Remus licks over the bitemark and then pulls back enough to look at him. They simply stare at each other, silently acknowledging that they both want to do this, and then Remus nods.
"Upstairs."
They both scramble to get up off the floor, Scrabble board forgotten, and then run up the stairs. Sirius trips on the second stair down from the top, but Remus catches him around the waist and then practically drags him to his bedroom. Sirius giggles the whole way there, letting himself be handled.
When Remus shuts the door behind them, Sirius turns around in his arms and pulls him back down towards him. Their lips clash in a burning kiss, something that sears his cells and explodes the galaxies around them. Remus' hands on his hips are like an anchor, the only thing keeping him present on this plane whilst everything inside of him is trying to force him to fly away with the stars.
Remus' fingers slide beneath his shirt and Sirius shivers at the contact, his skin breaking out with gooseflesh. He instinctively lifts his arms up and Remus seems to take this as his sign to pull Sirius' shirt off over his head. It drops to the floor carelessly, immediately forgotten. They move over to Remus' bed, but they don't lie down, no. Remus sits and Sirius straddles him just as he did on the train.
He takes it upon himself to grab the hem of Remus' shirt and pull it off. He's seen Remus without clothes on many times after the full moons, but this is different. This is something entirely more intimate, just for them.
Their bare chests meet and Sirius' skin blazes to life like a million cast fiendfyres. He slips one of his hands into Remus' hair and uses the other to explore. His fingers glide down Remus' shoulder and then his chest, coming into contact with countless scars, each with their own story. Then, when his fingers find the bitemark on Remus' ribs, he expects the other boy to flinch away or tell him not to touch him there. But Remus doesn't do either of those things. Instead, he kisses Sirius harder, an urge to go on. So, Sirius allows his fingertips to trace each tooth indent, mapping them out, learning them.
When their lips separate again, Remus starts kissing down his neck, but something makes him freeze.
"Moony," Sirius gasps.
When he doesn't get a response, he glances down and finds Remus staring adamantly at the gnarled scars across Sirius' shoulder. They were caused by the wolf, but Sirius has never seen them the way Remus surely does. He's always considered them a blessing, a gift. A little part of Moony just for him.
He tightens his hand in Remus' hair and pulls his head back gently to get him to look at him. Reluctantly, Remus blinks and stares right back into Sirius' eyes.
"They're just scars," he whispers, kissing Remus' shoulder. "Just scars." Another kiss. Another. Then, he lifts his head and presses forward, but he doesn't kiss him. No, he lets his lips hover over Remus', a teasing thing. "Kiss me, Remus."
Remus groans and then he does. He kisses him and it's unrelenting. He kisses him and it's the most like a star Sirius has ever felt, because he's touching the moon, and he's burning.
Carefully, he drops his hands to Remus' shoulders and slides them down his chest, his torso, until he meets the waistband of Remus' trousers. They break apart, but their foreheads remain pressed together as Sirius' eyes drop to his own hands, looming just above the button. After one more second of hesitation - or he'd rather call it indulging in the moment, but whatever - he unbuttons Remus' jeans and slowly pulls down the zip.
This close, he can hear Remus' heart beating, pounding a mile a minute. He knows it's in sync with his own, because he can hear that, too.
Remus lifts and lets Sirius pull his trousers off completely, then he starts to unbutton Sirius' trousers and they discard those, too. Until they are left in nothing but their boxers.
Sirius runs his hand further down and watches as Remus twitches beneath him. He smiles at the reaction, unable to help it. Remus catches it and mutters, "Smug git." He is soon rendered speechless though when Sirius reaches past the last layer of material. Remus gasps, his fingers flexing on Sirius' hips.
As Sirius begins to move his hand, Remus copies him, keeping one hand on Sirius' hip whilst the other dips lower beneath the waistband of his briefs. Remus lets out a moan and then drops his head to Sirius' shoulder, the one with the scars. When he notices this, Remus begins to press kisses along the scratch marks. Sirius keeps Remus' head there with the hand he has put back in his hair, gripping onto it as Remus continues to pump his hand.
One of Remus' hands digs into Sirius' back and scratches down as he reaches his high. Every single inch of Sirius' skin is sensitive, like he's made entirely of nerve-endings. Remus bites down on his shoulder as he gets closer to his climax and Sirius releases a set of incoherent noises that he's sure he'll be embarrassed about tomorrow.
Right before they finish, Sirius drags Remus' lips back to meet his. The kisses are sloppy and messy, but neither of them seem to care. Their hand movements become more desperate. Remus moans and Sirius swallows the sound.
It's the full moon tomorrow. Sirius knows Remus always feel everything tenfold right before the moon. So when Remus finishes, Sirius smiles, knowing that even if it didn't mean as much to Remus as it did to him, he still managed to help ebb the pain of the full. Even if only for a little bit.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
mon trésor = my treasure (French)
chérie = honey (French)MENTIONS:
- Regulus ate that and left no crumbs 💜
- Regulus talking to Evan about James <3
- I love adding layers to Walburga's character. She's still a terrible mum - just the worst - and a literal monster. But she's also so interesting.
- Regulus taking Sirius' teddy from when he was a baby :(
- I cried when writing the Sirius and Andy fight, and I'm crying now whilst editing this chapter..damn...
- Not him calling Andromeda his cousin 😭😭
- Xeno and Sirius' friendship is so special to me <3 I have a Xeno but she's in Wales rn, so I've been abandoned :/
-Sirius took a leaf out of Regulus' book and ran heheh
- "Missed you, big brother" AHHHH I cried again
- They want to save Regulus! Let's see how well that goes 👀
- Hope and Lyall are icons 💜✨
- The "CO-OP" for anyone who isn't British, is a convenience shop - they're everywhere in Britain
- Sirius and Marie are finally getting along!! I've been so excited about this duo for ages.
- Hugo and Marie <3
- Sirius and Remus <3 our oblivious little kingsI hoped you all enjoyed this chapter! Those of you who follow me on tumblr will already know this, but I sprained my wrist writing this chapter, so I hope it was worth it 😭 Honestly, I didn't even know it was possible to sprain your wrist from typing for too long, but hey-ho. See you all next week :)
EDIT: I'm putting the next chapter out on Thursday instead of Tuesday because I didn't sprain my wrist, I tore my tendons in my wrist and hand, so I'm finding it really hard to write
Chapter 74: Fifth Year: Love is Blind and Prepared to Die
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-underage smoking
-sexual content (a bit explicit)
-war/attack
-mention of blood/injuries/casualties/concussion/explosions/blown off limbs
-someone vomitsThe title is made up of two lines from ABBA songs bc I was listening to ABBA whilst writing this chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Can you hear the sound of nothing, nothing?
Nothing's right, nothing's wrong
Don't care less it's all the same
Love is blind, love is real
Don't you know that love is what you feel?
~ ABBA
Wednesday - 23rd June, 1976
Remus
"I think Sprinkles has got to be my favourite," Sirius says as he goes to take another handful of grains from the bucket to his left. He holds his hand out in front of Sprinkles - one of the Lupins' horses - and watches with awe as she starts nibbling at the food. Remus can't help but smile at the scene before him. Sirius looks entirely at peace right now; his free hand runs down Sprinkles' mane and there's a grin on his face as big as the moon itself.
"Don't tell these guys," Remus says, capturing Sirius' attention and gesturing to the horses around them, "but Carpet will always be my favourite."
Sirius' grin softens into a warm smile. "Of course he will. What a legend."
Remus laughs and steps closer, slowly reaching out and stroking down Sprinkles' long nose. He glances at Sirius, who is still staring at him. Remus knows that look. It's the determined, yet nervous, one Sirius gets before he kisses him.
Remus has grown to love that look just as much as he loves every other part of the boy in front of him.
Before Sirius ever gets the chance to make a move, Remus does it first. He cups Sirius' face, which is soft from where he shaved this morning, and draws him in. He kisses him softly, meaningfully, in a way that he hopes says, This isn't it for me. Can't you see how much all of this means to me? How much you mean to me?
Sirius kisses back with everything in him, but still, somehow, manages to keep it soft. Remus doesn't think he'll ever get enough of kissing Sirius Tonks.
He keeps his right hand at Sirius' jaw but moves his left down to Sirius' hip, pulling him closer. Sirius now has a strong grip on the collar of Remus' t-shirt, which he uses to drag him further downwards.
Remus still has no idea what they're doing. They haven't talked about it, not yet. Remus is sort of dreading it to be honest. He doesn't want this to end, doesn't want the awkward tension that is sure to follow. He wants it to be like this forever. Just him and Sirius.
"Oh, ffyc!"
The two boys jump apart at the sound of the intrusion. Remus turns and finds his mam standing in the doorway of the stables. She's staring at both of them with a look of incredulity like she can't believe they were just doing that. For the first time ever, Remus wonders if his parents wouldn't accept this part of him. It hurts more than he expects it to.
"Mam, I can explain-" he starts, but she cuts him off.
"No need, I had a feeling," she says, shrugging carelessly. Then, she points between them and narrows her eyes. "Don't tell Lyall, okay? If he finds out, I'm going to owe him so much money."
Confused, Remus turns to look at Sirius to see if he has any idea what Hope is going on about. Sirius looks just as puzzled as him, but there's a shred of amusement in his expression that Remus doesn't quite understand.
"What?" He whispers, nudging Sirius with his elbow.
Instead of answering him, Sirius turns to Hope. "You were betting against me?"
"Well, I made the bet years ago. I'm usually right about these things, but I had a feeling I'd lose after your first visit here."
Something indecipherable flashes across Sirius' face, but Remus thinks he seems... happy? Maybe? He's usually better at reading him.
"Wait... I'm confused. Why are you losing money?" Remus asks, glancing between the two of them.
"I thought I raised you to be smarter than this," Hope tuts, shaking her head. She turns to Sirius again. "I'm so sorry that it's taking him this long to get it."
Sirius, who looks momentarily panicked, like Hope has just confirmed something to him, shakes his head and says, "Don't worry. Remus is smart, so he'll get it eventually. Luckily, I'm patient."
Remus snorts. He may not have a clue what they're talking about, but he knows one thing for sure, and that's that Sirius Tonks is anything but patient.
"Yeah right," he mutters.
Sirius looks at him. "Maybe not usually. But I've always been patient with this."
"With what ?" Remus almost cries, so completely and utterly lost still.
"If you want to know, then you'll have to use that big brain of yours and figure it out yourself," Hope tells him. "Well, I'll let you get back to it." She smirks and leaves.
Remus turns to Sirius, not quite sure what to say about his mother.
"I love your mum, can I have her?" Sirius asks, putting his hands together in a begging motion.
"Sorry, but she's all mine," Remus gives him a falsely sympathetic look before heading towards the exit.
"Oi, where're you going?" Sirius calls after him.
Remus swivels around but continues to walk backwards. "To get changed before we meet up with everyone?" He says. Then, smirking slightly, "You coming?"
Sirius' cheeks positively glow, which makes Remus' smirk stretch across his face as he watches Sirius scramble to follow him.
After lunch, they head over to Felix's house, which is where they are meeting before they go to the cinema. They're all excited to see the new Bowie movie that was released last week, most of all Sirius. He hasn't stopped raving about it since he saw the poster for it in the window of the theatre the other day. They decided to all go as a group, as everyone wanted to see it, and today is the first day everyone is free to go.
Remus and Sirius are the last to arrive and receive a knowing look from Marie. Remus feels himself blush and takes a small step away from Sirius, afraid someone else might catch on and question him about it. He has no idea how his Muggle friends are going to react when they find out he likes boys, too. They seem to be fine with Sirius, but that's different. Remus is close to them and has known them basically his whole life. What if they just can't accept that version of him?
Then, there's the fact that he doesn't have any answers to the questions they might ask if they knew about him and Sirius.
So, he would much rather that no one knew.
Thankfully, Marie doesn't appear to be on a mission to tease them too much, so he doesn't have to worry about her accidentally outing him. Not that she would. But Remus knows that accidents happen.
Sirius seems to read his mind, as he spends the walk to the cinema between Hugo and Cara, basically ignoring Remus completely. They all appear to be laughing about something he isn't privy to. Remus is listening as Felix and Marie talk about their new English Lit teacher, who, by their description, sounds a bit like McGonagall.
"She's nice enough, I suppose," Felix adds. "Just strict."
"I like her," Marie declares uncharacteristically. Normally, Marie hates every single one of her teachers. She always talks Remus' ear off with complaints about them. "She helped me adjust when I came back, and she's been very understanding about the whole thing."
Yep, just like McGonagall, Remus thinks.
When they get to the cinema, Remus tells everyone to go on and order the tickets whilst he has a quick ciggy before the movie starts. Sirius decides to stay back with him, asking if they can share it. Remus passes Sirius the cigarette once he's taken a drag from it and then watches as Sirius flicks his hair out of his face, which was blowing in the wind, and brings the smoke to his lips.
"I'm so excited to see Bowie on a big screen," Sirius says all of a sudden, jumping on the spot with excitement. "Do you think he'll sing?"
"I don't think it's a musical," Remus frowns as he blows out a cloud of smoke and passes it back to Sirius.
"I know, but he might still sing or hum or something."
"Yeah, maybe," Remus nods. "But don't be too disappointed if he doesn't. We can always go back home after and listen to Diamond Dogs if you want."
"Okay," Sirius grins, finishing off the cigarette and stomping it into the ground with the toe of his shoe. "Come on, let's go see Bowie pretend to be an alien."
When they get into the cinema room, Remus and Sirius end up sitting next to each other by the aisle. Marie is on Sirius' other side. Remus hadn't expected it when Sirius came to him almost two weeks ago and said he was friends with Marie now. Sirius has never really gotten along perfectly with Marie, not that Remus knows why. But this summer, something changed. Sirius helped Marie to cut her hair and they've been friendly ever since.
He watches them giggle between themselves now as Bowie comes onto the screen. Remus has no idea what they're whispering about, but he doesn't envy not knowing. Instead, he's just happy to see them finally getting along properly.
Around halfway through the movie, Remus slides his hand beneath the armrest between his and Sirius' chairs. He finds Sirius' hand and presses their fingers together. Keeping his eyes on the screen, he doesn't see the way Sirius glances over at him with a surprised expression. He feels as Sirius presses back and then folds his fingers through Remus'.
Friends don't do this, Remus' mind chants.
Yeah, well, friends don't snog and get off together at every available opportunity either.
Shut up.
You're talking to yourself.
Fine, then let's both shut up.
Fine.
Fine.
Sirius has been in Wales for two weeks now and Remus still hasn't managed to nail down exactly what they are, but, again, he doesn't care. Not right now anyway. Maybe, in the future, the day will come when he realises he can't just have Sirius like this, but that day is not today. Anyway, Sirius is going back home tomorrow, so Remus isn't about to waste the time they have left together worrying about what they might never be. He's sure they'll see each other again at some point during the summer, but he doesn't know when yet, and the idea of even spending one day without Sirius after all that's happened between them just sounds like hell at this point.
They hold hands until the end of the movie and Remus momentarily panics over the thought that this might be a date. Sure, there are other people here with them, but those people are basically all couples anyway. Cara and Felix have now been together for two years, and Marie and Hugo obviously like each other.
Remus decides that he isn't going to count it as a date because they didn't state it as being one beforehand. He ignores the part of himself that is telling him that the logistics don't matter and only lets Sirius' hand go when the movie comes to an end.
Afterwards, they all go to the chippie down the road and grab something to eat for dinner. It's a bit early, but Remus promised his parents he and Sirius would eat out because it's Lyall and Hope's anniversary, so they're going out by themselves for dinner tonight. They all walk back through the town to their houses together.
"I can't believe he didn't even sing once," Sirius complains, pouting.
"Chin up, cymar," Marie says, knocking their shoulders together. "Doesn't Remus have like seven of his albums at home?"
"Yeah," Sirius smiles and glances at Remus. "I guess that'll do."
"Git," Remus mumbles, rolling his eyes fondly. Sirius just smiles wider.
The house is empty by the time they get back. Remus flicks on the switch in the kitchen and wanders over to the fridge, fancying some of the lemonade his tad made earlier. He pours a glass for him and Sirius and tells the other boy to go and pick out a Bowie album from the collection in the living room.
Sirius comes back into the kitchen a moment later and raises his eyebrows as he shows off the Diamond Dogs album. Remus nods in agreement to his choice and passes him his glass of lemonade. They wander upstairs to Remus' bedroom, where he puts the vinyl on his turntable. He gulps down his lemonade pretty quickly, thirsty after the chips he practically inhaled down once they left the cinema.
Sirius drinks about a third of his before placing it on the bedside table. He sits down on the edge of the bed and Remus follows, sitting beside him. They listen as Chant of the Ever Circling Skeletal Family plays through the room. It's not really considered one of Bowie's bests, but Remus likes it all the same.
"I can't believe I'm leaving tomorrow," Sirius whispers just loud enough for Remus to hear him over the music. "It's come so fast."
"You could stay for longer if you want," Remus offers, hopeful.
Sirius looks at him and his lips curl up in the corners. "I wish, but I should go home. Dora always gets so sad when I'm gone, and I'm already away for most of the year..."
"It's okay, Sirius. You don't have to explain yourself to me, I get it."
Sirius stands and turns so he's facing Remus. "I know, you're great like that, Moony."
Not liking the distance between them, Remus reaches out and grabs Sirius' hips, pulling him closer. He wishes they could stay here forever. In Wales. In his bedroom. Just here. It's his favourite place to be - with Sirius.
Instead of letting himself be dragged towards the bed, Sirius holds onto Remus' wrists and pulls him up. Remus goes willingly and lets Sirius walk him back towards the wall next to his bed. Sirius slides his hands up Remus' arms, watching his own hands the entire time like he can't believe he's even allowed to touch him. Remus knows exactly what that feels likes, so he leans into Sirius' touch to show him it's allowed and very much encouraged.
When Remus moves in to kiss him, Sirius shakes his head and grins. Remus pouts, making Sirius let out a snort.
Sirius presses a feather-light kiss to Remus' neck and keeps trailing them down. Okay, yes, Remus is totally on board with this plan. He tightens his hands on Sirius' hips and gasps when Sirius sucks on the area just above his pulse point.
"Sirius," Remus groans.
He can basically feel Sirius smiling against him.
Sirius pulls away from him and gives him a look that will probably send him straight to hell one day. He runs his hands from Remus' shoulders down his torso and to his trousers, where he starts to unbuckle his belt. Remus has to resist the urge to drag Sirius closer to him. Instead, he watches as Sirius finishes opening up his trousers and then almost passes away when Sirius meets his eyes with his own and drops to his knees as he pulls Remus' trousers down.
"Oh, god," Remus groans, letting his head fall back and thunk against the wall.
"That's not quite my name," Sirius says from his spot on the floor before he starts using his mouth for a completely different reason.
Sweet Thing by Bowie continues to play in the background and Remus can't help but think, Yes, yes, yes, Sirius is a sweet, little thing, isn't he?
Remus glances down at him and almost cries when he realises Sirius is staring at him even whilst he's doing that. He does something with his tongue that nearly has Remus' knees buckling. His hands move of their own accord into Sirius' hair, which he bundles up and holds back out of his face. He stares down at Sirius' pretty face, which is somehow more beautiful wrapped around him, and feels the words, I love you, threaten to burst out.
"Fuck, Sirius," he moans loudly and then bites down hard on his bottom lip to quiet himself.
"Mhm?" Sirius hums innocently. Bastard.
"Fucking shit, don't stop," Remus pleads, not caring about his pride or dignity, not right now. Not when Sirius is literally kneeling in front of him. "Oh, you're so- you're so good. Fuck..."
He doesn't last very long after that, especially when Sirius only remains where he is instead of moving his mouth away when Remus warns him to. As soon as he's finished, he kicks his trousers off completely, so that he won't trip over them, and grabs Sirius. Literally just picks him up and finds pleasure in the way he yelps in surprise. He slams him down on the bed and feels as Moony howls happily inside of him when Sirius only giggles at being chucked around.
Remus is quick as he tears Sirius' clothes free from his body and then sheds his own shirt. Sirius finally kisses him, wrapping his arms around Remus' head and bringing him down until their lips meet fiercely. Their bodies press against each other hotly and Remus gasps into the kiss at the immediate friction he feels.
"Moony," Sirius whispers.
"Mm?" Remus hums through the kiss.
"I want you," Sirius breathes into the shell of his ear.
Remus pulls back slightly until he's looking Sirius dead in the eye. "You mean..."
Sirius just nods, looking slightly nervous, but mostly there's just that familiar Sirius Tonks confidence that Remus has been jealous of ever since they met at eleven. Remus never would have guessed that they would end up here.
"Only if you want to," Sirius murmurs. His pupils have almost entirely swallowed the silver of his irises now, yet, somehow, Remus has never been more weak for him.
Remus knows that it'll probably destroy him. Knows that he won't ever be able to move on from Sirius if they do this, and he doesn't even have him. But he doesn't care. He doesn't because here Sirius is, offering up one of the most vulnerable parts of himself for Remus to have. How can he possibly say no to that?
"I want to," he whispers. Sirius doesn't appear to know what to say, so, instead, he surges forwards and recaptures Remus' lips. Staining them, labelling them his own.
When they separate again, Remus grabs his wand from the nightstand. "Have you done this before?"
"Once," Sirius nods and Remus tries his very best not to think about Jess fucking Bell right now. "Do you know the spells?"
"Uh... one of them," Remus admits shyly.
"I can do it, if you want," Sirius offers, holding out his hand for Remus' wand. It's a very intimate thing to share your wand with another Wizard or Witch. Remus would only ever let Sirius, which is why he instantly passes it to him. "Sorry, it'll be cold at first."
Remus waits patiently as Sirius casts the appropriate spells. He gasps when he feels it and it takes a moment to get used to. The sound of his wand clacking against the nightstand brings him back to reality.
"Have you ever done this?" Sirius asks him.
Remus feels his face go red. "No."
One of Sirius' hands slides out of Remus' hair and cups his face instead. He smiles sweetly and leaves a small kiss on Remus' forehead. "It's okay. I can show you." He reaches down and says, "Like this, okay?"
Remus doesn't look away from Sirius once as he listens. He's too afraid that if he breaks their eye contact, he'll also break the spell they are obviously under.
"I'm ready," Sirius answers when Remus finally asks.
Remus moves and feels entirely overwhelmed by it all. In the best way possible, though. He stops when he notices the small scrunch appear between Sirius' eyebrows, who assures him he's okay, it hurt at first last time. Again, Remus buries down the thought that Sirius has done this with anyone else before.
"Okay, try again, Moony," Sirius whispers after a minute or so. Remus listens. This time, he lifts Sirius' pelvis slightly as he moves and that seems to be the key to relieving the pain Sirius was feeling before.
"Oh, fucking hell," Sirius gasps, gripping onto Remus' biceps now with an iron-tight hold. "Keep going."
Remus does. He keeps moving and gradually, his movements become faster, reacting to Sirius' enthusiasm so that they're pace is matched perfectly. Remus starts sucking along Sirius' chest and collarbone, leaving behind bruises that mark him. The wolf inside of Remus preens.
Sirius digs his nails into Remus' back and starts dragging them down sharply, stinging. He doesn't care though, at all. He doesn't care about anything but watching Sirius, who is trembling beneath him, mumbling incoherent words of encouragement.
It's Sirius who finishes first, but Remus doesn't take long after. He buries his face into Sirius' shoulder and moans loudly again. Sirius hadn't bothered to hide his, letting it howl out of him like he was the wolf out of the two of them.
Remus rolls off of Sirius a moment later and just stares up at the ceiling of his bedroom as he tries to catch his breath. Distantly, he can hear his record still spinning on the turntable, now at the end. He doesn't think he could get up to turn it off now even if he wanted to.
He turns on his side and Sirius does the same. They just look at each other and Remus wants to reach across the space, to hold him, but he doesn't know where the line is. Surely, after that, there isn't one anymore.
Sirius waves his hand and cleans them up in an impressive display of wandless and wordless magic.
"How did you do that?"
"Magic," Sirius grins.
"Idiot," Remus mumbles, smiling despite himself.
"Hey, Remus..." Sirius murmurs.
"Yeah?"
"Can I have a word? We haven't done that in a while."
Remus smiles wider. He's missed Sirius pestering him for a new Welsh word everyday. He can't quite remember when or why they stopped, but he thinks it might have been around the same time Sirius and Jess got together.
"Seren," Remus whispers, feeling as his eyes start to droop and exhaustion befalls him.
"What does that mean?"
"Star."
Sirius blinks and then smiles. "Seren," he repeats. Then, he scoots closer and throws the duvet over them both and whispers, "Goodnight, Moony."
"Goodnight, seren fach."
Thursday - 24th June, 1976
Remus wakes up to Sirius in his arms, their legs wrapped around each other beneath the duvet, and Sirius' measured breathing that tickles the bare skin of his chest. Images of last night come flooding back to him and his eyes widen as he realises that it hadn't all been a dream.
He had sex with Sirius.
He lost his virginity to Sirius.
It isn't regret that he feels, but it's close to it. He doesn't regret doing it - actually, it was probably the best night of his life. But he's scared because he can't go back from that. He can't just carry on pretending that this doesn't mean something to him. Not forever anyway. He's so afraid that Sirius is just going to turn around one day and tell him that he's had enough, that he's bored, and he wants to stop. That it meant absolutely nothing to him. Not like it did to Remus.
His thoughts are interrupted as Sirius starts shifting in his arms. His eyes scrunch up and then he blinks them open. It takes him a few seconds to realise where he is. Remus watches him freeze and then, slowly, Sirius' eyes wander up to meet his.
"Oh," he says. Then, he glances down at their bare chests and asks, "Are we...?"
"Yeah," Remus nods, confirming that they are, in fact, naked underneath the duvet.
"Oh," Sirius repeats. He blinks a few times and then clears his throat and rolls away. He sits up in the bed and searches the floor for something, probably his clothes. Remus starts to do the same. He grabs his boxers and slides them on before getting up. When he turns, he finds Sirius watching him, but as soon as he notices he's been caught, Sirius quickly looks away.
They get changed mostly in silence. Remus looks at his record player and notices that the record he'd left on there last night has since been moved... which means one of his parents must have come into his room after he and Sirius fell asleep.
Shit.
"I should probably start packing," Sirius announces from the other side of the room. "My parents are expecting me back at lunchtime."
"Oh, okay," Remus replies, scratching the back of his neck. He looks at the clock on his nightstand and notices it's just gone ten o'clock. Sirius has to leave in less than two hours. "Want a hand?"
"Could you pass me that jumper over there?" Sirius asks, pointing towards a jumper that is slung over Remus' desk chair. He grabs it and walks over to Sirius, passing it to him. Their fingers brush and Remus lets them linger there for a second longer than he probably should.
"Thanks," Sirius mumbles, pulling his hand away all of a sudden. He chucks the jumper in his bag and when he moves across the room to pick up one of his shirts on the floor, he winces.
"Are you alright?" Remus asks, confused.
"Yeah, just..." Sirius flushes and gives Remus a meaningful look. It takes him a moment longer than he'd like to admit before he gets it.
"Oh my god," he blurts out, mortified. "I'm sorry."
Sirius looks at him for a second and then starts laughing, leaving Remus bewildered and slightly embarrassed.
"Moony, it's okay," Sirius says through his laughter. Then, at the bashful expression on Remus' face, he finally settles down. "It was nice."
"Nice?" Remus scoffs.
Sirius looks pleasantly surprised by Remus' reaction. He steps forward, hobbling a bit as he goes, because he's in pain. Oh, god. He wraps his arms around Remus' waist and leans up on his tiptoes, kissing him languidly. Remus rests his hands on Sirius' shoulders and kisses him back.
"It was great," Sirius whispers as he leans away.
"Really?" Remus frowns, a bit self-conscious because it was his first time and he obviously had no idea what he was doing.
"Promise," Sirius says. He presses one more swift peck to Remus' lips and then pulls away and goes back to packing.
By the time they make it downstairs, it's too late for breakfast. Hope offers them a muffin each, saying she baked them earlier whilst the two of them were being "lazy boys". Sirius and Remus share a quick, amused look.
Sirius leaves soon after that. Hope and Lyall come to say goodbye to him, both hugging him for longer than Remus expects them to. Sirius doesn't seem to mind, always fond of Remus' parents.
When Sirius turns to him, Remus realises he can't even kiss him one more time because his parents are there. Sure, his mam walked in on them snogging the other day, but that was different. It was an accident. Plus, Remus' tad still has no idea.
He hugs Sirius and, when he pulls away, presses a kiss to his forehead instead. Sirius smiles shyly at him and then waves to Hope and Lyall before stepping into the fireplace.
As he disappears amongst the green flames, Remus realises he misses him already.
***
Monday - 12th July, 1976
James
It's officially the midpoint of the summer holidays. A month and a half have passed, and now there's only a month and a half to go. James is excited about sixth-year. He's got the best friends in the world, an amazing boyfriend, and he's the Captain of his very own Quidditch team. What could ruin that?
The only people James has seen from school so far this summer are Lily, Mary and Frank. He knows Sirius was staying with Remus for a couple of weeks in June, but he hasn't seen them himself yet. He wonders if there's anything actually going on between those two now. They were both acting strangely at the end of the year. Maybe they've both finally figured it out.
Peter comes over to stay for a few days two weeks into July. They spend a lot of time out playing Quidditch or visiting the Muggle village just down the road. They pretend they don't notice the death toll going up in each new edition of The Daily Prophet and try to enjoy their final summer as children. In less than a year from now, they'll all be adults, which means they'll be expected to face the real world just like their parents.
James is terrified, but he doesn't let it show because the thing that is making him most afraid is the fact that he has no idea what Regulus thinks about it all. James knows that Regulus isn't a blood supremacist - he's made that abundantly clear over the years. He knows that Regulus likely disagrees with everything He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his followers are doing. But Regulus won't talk to him about it.
The first time James mentioned the war to Regulus, he completely shut down and they almost fought. James hates fighting with Regulus more than almost anything else. So, he didn't bring it up again, too worried by what Regulus' reaction might be to it all.
James isn't stupid, he knows they're going to have to talk about the war eventually. He can't just let Regulus get away with never bringing it up. James needs to know if he's going to fight or not. If Regulus fights, James will, too. And if he doesn't... well, James doesn't know what he's going to do. He wants to do his bit to help, especially if his friends are out on the battlefield - he'd feel like a coward if he just sat back and watched them all suffer - but he doesn't want to lose Regulus.
Then, there's the possibility that Regulus might not fight for the good side at all. He might-
No.
Just no. James won't even consider that. Regulus can't fight alongside the Death Eaters, he isn't like that. His family might be, but Regulus isn't. He isn't. James knows Regulus - he's sweet and attentive and loving. He isn't destructive and cruel and hateful.
It's on the second day of Peter's visit that he mentions his parents have joined a cause to fight against the Death Eaters in the war.
"They didn't tell me very much," Peter continues, fiddling with the blanket slung over the back of the couch. They're sitting in the living room, playing a game of chess. "Just that it's Dumbledore's war effort and it's a secret."
"Dumbledore?" James frowns, looking up from the chess board. "What has Dumbledore got to do with the war?"
"He's created a resistance against You-Know-Who," Peter explains in a voice that suggests that was obvious. "I'm surprised you didn't already know."
James doesn't understand what Peter means by that at first, but then it hits him. His parents have been "helping" Dumbledore out with "tasks" for the last few years, leaving at random hours of the day or night, acting secretive. They told him they were helping out families who had lost things in the war, but he didn't realise that meant they were fighting.
"My parents," he mumbles. "They're fighting, too, aren't they?"
Peter bites down on his bottom lip, staring at James like he doesn't want to confirm his worst fears. "I think so. Haven't you noticed? At your Potter Christmas parties, the adults are always off whispering about things. I think they're all a part of the resistance."
James deflates back into the sofa cushions. He doesn't want his parents to be out there fighting for their lives. People are dying every day. The list of the dead grows longer each time James looks at it, and he doesn't want to find his parents listed on there one day. The thought makes him feel sick.
"James, they're going to be okay," Peter says softly, trying to reassure him. He places a gently hand on James' shoulder and squeezes. "I think we're winning."
"We?" James blinks and turns to look at Peter. "You're going to fight, too?"
Peter nods. "Benji and I have been talking about it and we both want to join our parents as soon as we can." Then, in an anxious voice, Peter asks, "What about you?"
James glances down at his own hands. He doesn't know. He knows he can't just sit idly by and watch, but he also knows that he would follow Regulus anywhere. So, if Regulus decides he isn't going to fight and wants to run away to Portugal or something, then James is going to go with him.
"I haven't really thought about it," James settles on. "Do you know if any of the others are planning to join the cause?"
"Lily and Marlene definitely seem to want to fight. I'm not sure about Mary - I think she's just worried about her family and tries not to think about the war as much as possible. Frank and Alice already have plans to follow Dumbledore, which means Azalia probably does, too."
"What about Sirius and Remus?"
"Sirius said he wants to fight, but I don't know if he knows about Dumbledore's cause yet. I have no idea about Remus," Peter responds. After a moment of silence passes between them, he sighs and moves his chess piece. "Checkmate."
Later, they go into town and find a little coffee shop in the corner of a narrow street, somewhere James has never been to before. They order their drinks and then take a seat at one of the small tables by the window. They don't talk about the war again and instead enjoy the way the warm summer weather rains down on them through the window.
"I can't wait to go back to school," Peter says. He takes a sip of his drink and gets whipped cream all over his top lip. James laughs and passes him a tissue. "Thanks. I just... I miss everyone. They're all so annoying, but I love them like crazy, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know," James smiles in agreement. "I miss them all, too. Especially, Sirius and Remus. I haven't seen them once all summer. Have you?"
"No," Peter shakes his head. "Every time I've written to either of them, they've been with each other."
James freezes and then so does Peter. Slowly, they look up from their drinks and make eye contact.
It seems to hit them both at once.
"You don't think they-"
"Figure out that they're completely-"
"Obsessed with each other?"
"Merlin..." James breathes out, sitting back in his chair and running a hand through his hair. "If they have, it's about bloody time."
"Just imagine it. Sirius and Remus finally together," Peter says. He huffs out a small laugh. "Who do you think made the first move?"
"Probably Sirius," James decides after a minute of contemplation. "He has no impulse control and, whilst I love Remus, he isn't very good at seizing the moment."
"True," Peter nods. "D'you reckon that's why they were being so weird at the end of last term?"
"Yes!" James yells perhaps a bit too loudly, as a passing barista sends him a dirty look. "I thought I was the only one who noticed that!"
"Really? So did I!" Peter grins. "Damn, they're not subtle at all, are they?"
James snorts. "No. I'm surprised it took them this long to realise, to be honest."
"And that's if we're even right. They might still be in their oblivious phase for all we know," Peter sighs. "If they are, we should just lock them in a broom cupboard together the moment we get back to Hogwarts."
"Sounds like a plan," James grins.
"So," Peter starts, "has anyone caught your eye yet, Prongs?"
James freezes. "...No."
"Very convincing," Peter murmurs sarcastically. "Who are they? Boy or girl? Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff?"
"Why are those the only options?" James asks, bemused.
"Well, I assume you're not secretly off frolicking with any of our friends, and Slytherins are, well, Slytherins."
James shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Not all Slytherins are bad, you know. Sirius' mum is a Slytherin and she's one of the loveliest people I've ever met."
"So, they're a Slytherin then?" Peter smirks.
James blinks.
Well, shit.
"I'm not even dating anyone," James tries to argue, but he knows that once Peter has made his mind up about something, it's nearly impossible to sway him.
"I doubt you'd be dating any of the guys, given the options," Peter raises his eyebrows. "Mmm... oh, Merlin. Is it Violetta?"
James is still hung up on the fact that Peter immediately dismissed the guys (which is rude because he thinks Regulus is a fantastic option), so he doesn't even realise what Peter has insinuated until it's too late. He doesn't answer for too long and Peter latches onto that.
"It is, isn't it?"
"No," James sighs.
"Mhm, okay."
James runs a hand down his face. When he glances at Peter and notices the excited expression on his face, he realises this might actually be the perfect cover story for his and Regulus' relationship.
"Fine. I'm... dating Violetta," he says, only just about managing not to grimace. Violetta is great and everything, but James is very much not in love with her.
"I knew it," Peter smiles smugly.
"Oh, yeah, you got me," James replies. "But don't tell anyone, okay? We're trying to keep it a secret. You're the only one who knows."
"Nice," Peter beams. "Don't worry. My lips are sealed."
"Good," James responds, mentally praying to all that is holy that Peter doesn't spread this "gossip" around school the moment they return.
Wednesday - 14th July, 1976
On the day that Peter leaves, James finally has the opportunity to confront his parents about what he's learnt. They're sitting at the dining table eating dinner when he brings it up.
"I heard that Dumbledore's a big part of the war effort," he says, hoping to draw out a reaction from either of them. Effie continues to eat, whilst Monty's fork stops as he freezes at James' words. "Is that right?"
"It is. Albus has been very helpful over the last few years," his mother tells him. "Why do you ask?"
"You quit your job to help him, is this what you meant? Are you both fighting in the war?" He directs the second question at both of his parents, who share a look. His father sighs and places his cutlery down onto the table before meeting James' eyes.
"It's true, we're fighting," Monty says, confirming James' worst nightmare.
"But why? You could- what if you die? You can't die," James exclaims, panicked, his voice rising higher with each word he says.
"James, sweetheart," his mother says, laying a hand over his. "This war isn't going to fight itself. The more people out there working to stop it, the quicker it will end and the less lives that will be lost. I know you would rather we not risk ourselves, but it's what we have chosen. I'm sorry, my love."
James gets the urge to jump up from the table, yell at them, storm out of the room. Anything to get this horrid panicky feeling out of his chest. Instead, his bottom lip begins to tremble and in a matter of seconds he's bursting into tears. Effie lets out a soft, "Oh," as she gets out of her seat and moves around the table until she's crouching beside James. She wraps her arms around him and lets him cry into her shoulder until he's exhausted with it.
"I can't lose you, too," he whispers.
"And you won't," Effie promises. She leans back, cupping James' face in her small hands and wiping his tears away. She smiles at him and he can't help but smile back. "We'll always be here for you, James. We're not leaving and we're not going to die. It's going to take much more than a war to get rid of us."
"Yeah, you're stuck with us unfortunately," Monty says from his seat.
James laughs wetly. "Okay."
"We love you so much and we will always be here to listen. If you're worried, come to us," Effie instructs calmly. "Okay?"
James just nods and feels warmth flood his chest as his mother pulls him in for one more hug. She's right - it's going to take a lot more than a war to separate them all.
Friday - 23rd July, 1976
Yesterday, Lily sent James a letter asking him if he could meet up with her at Diagon Alley today. He knows it was her sister's wedding a couple of days ago, so he assumes she needs to get out of the house, which is why he immediately agrees.
He's heading into the living room to let his parents know he's about to leave when his mother asks if she can come with him.
"I won't bother you and Lily," she promises. "I just have a few shops I need to go to, and I'd rather not send Mollie. She's already got her hands full with sorting out the garden. Wouldn't want to overwork her."
"Not sure that's possible," James laughs. "Yeah, you can come along. Lily could probably do with a hug from you."
"Oh, really? Is she alright?" Effie frowns, looking deeply concerned by the possibility of Lily not being okay.
"Yeah, she's fine. Her sister got married the day before last and they don't really get along. I think the day was just a bit hard for her," James explains as he slips his shoes on.
"You should invite her over for tea. Your father or I can apparate her home later if needs be, or she can stay over. Whatever she likes."
"Thanks, mum," James smiles as his mum pulls him in and presses a kiss to his forehead.
"Gosh you're getting tall these days," she tuts. "Hopefully you'll end up with someone tall, so you don't have to spend your whole life craning your neck down like Monty does."
James chuckles. "It seems to work out fine for you two, though."
His mother takes a handful of Floo powder and then holds out the basin full of it to James. "Hm, yes, I suppose it does." They step into the fireplace and in seconds they're whizzing through the fireplace towards The Leaky Cauldron.
"Have anyone in mind then?"
"For what?" James asks, confused.
Effie gives him a teasing look. "Got any crushes?"
"Oh, Merlin," James sighs. "Do we have to have this conversation?"
"No," she says in a way that makes James think she's lying. "But can I ask... Lily's just a friend, right?"
"Yes, mum!"
"Okay, I just wanted to know."
"I don't like Lily like that and I never have and I never will. She's one of my best friends, that's it," James clarifies.
"So there isn't a special someone in your life then?"
"No, there isn't," James mumbles, kicking at the cobbled ground. They've arrived at Diagon Alley now. "Let's please never talk about this again. Alright?"
"Fine," Effie sighs. "At least let me know when you're getting married. Deal?"
James looks at her and snorts. "Oh, if I must," he replies jokingly. "Deal."
He and Effie separate as they get to Florean Fortescue's, which is where James is supposed to be meeting Lily. His mother passes him a pouch of money and tells him to buy Lily ice-cream on her before leaving with a kiss to his cheek.
James finds Lily sitting at one of the tables inside instead of outside. There's a bag on one of the chairs beside her and a book in her hand, her eyes rapidly move across it as she reads. James smiles.
"The Chosen," James reads, causing Lily to look up at him in surprise. "Can't say I've heard of that one. Is it any good?" He asks as he sits down in the seat across from her.
"I don't know yet," she tells him. "I haven't finished it, and I don't like judging books until I've gotten to the end."
"Are you at least enjoying it so far?"
"Yeah. I think Remus would like it and he's always got good taste when it comes to books," Lily explains. She places a bookmark between the pages and then places the book in her bag before turning back to him. "Are you hungry?"
"Yes, let's order. Oh, my mum gave me some money and told me to treat you," he grins, flashing his pouch to her. "What'll it be, Miss Evans?"
"I'll have a little bit of everything if you're paying, Mister Potter," she replies in a fake posh accent. They both burst into laughter. "Really though, I'll have salted caramel with chocolate shavings please."
"Of course, m'lady," James says. He gets out of his chair and does a little bow that has Lily rolling her eyes and trying to hide the smile curling at the corner of her lips. "I'll be right back."
He orders their ice-cream and when he returns to the table, Lily is standing with her bag slung over her shoulder.
"Let's go walk around. It's so lovely out and it's gotten rather crowded in here."
"Good idea," James agrees, passing her the ice-cream she ordered.
They stroll around the bustling street as they work through their ice-creams. Lily tells James all about Petunia's wedding and how rough it was not having her father there.
"She's moved into a house on some cul-de-sac with Vernon now," Lily huffs, chucking her empty ice-cream pot into a bin. James had a cone, so he's already eaten his. "You should have heard her at the reception. She's already planning on getting pregnant. Two years ago she was raving about how she wanted to go to Germany for some job opportunity, and now she's set on being a house wife to that- that-"
Lily never gets to finish her sentence.
James is looking towards Lily one moment and being chucked back against the stone path the next. He doesn't realise what's happened at first and instantly feels disorientated by the sudden movement of his body. He notices his eyes are closed and tries to open them, but everything remains dark. It takes him a moment to recognise that his eyes are open, there's just smoke everywhere, making it hard for him to see anything at all.
When he blinks, his head pounds and his vision blurs like he isn't wearing his glasses. He tries to reach up to check if they are still on his face, but a shooting pain jolts up his arm and he lets out a small yell.
It hits him then - the pain that's travelling throughout most of his body.
His back feels like it's landed in a pile of burning knives, hot and sharp. When he tries to lift his head, he can't. His breaths come in rattled and when he tries to exhale, he coughs dryly.
There are screams all around him, yells for names, and shrieks of pure agony and desperation. A ringing blares shrilly in his ears. James blinks harshly, trying to relieve the pain from his head, and then, when he opens his eyes, he attempts to sit up again.
It's a struggle, but he manages to lift his head slightly and roll onto his right side, luckily not onto the arm that he knows must be injured in some way. His mind reminds him that Lily was beside him only seconds ago and now she's nowhere to be seen.
He coughs again and then shouts out a raspy-sounding, "Lily! Lily, where are you?!"
When he doesn't get a response, panic starts to settle in his bones. He pushes himself up off the floor; smoke and dust from what must be rubble still pollutes the air, blocking his vision. With his good hand, he checks and finds that his glasses are on his face, which is both good and bad. Good because he doesn't have to worry about finding them, but bad because his vision is blurry, which means he probably has a concussion, or at least a more-than-mild head injury.
"Lily!" He shouts again, hoping, praying to fucking Merlin himself that Lily will respond. "Lily! Lily!"
Someone comes running past him in a panic, knocking past his injured arm and making him hiss in pain. He glances down at it then and feels sick at what he sees. Thick shards of glass the size of galleons are imbedded in his skin, deep enough that when he moves his wrist, he can feel them scratching against his bones. He grits his teeth and holds his wrist to his chest, cradling it. He can't worry about this right now - he needs to find Lily.
James goes stumbling through the street, hoping to catch sight of her. He finds people - bodies - lying on the ground and feels his stomach turn at the sight of them. There are people lying, still alive, with limbs blown off, or injuries similar to James'. He helps up a few, those who can actually move, and tells them to go and get help. He pulls out his wand then, remembering that he has it. He isn't supposed to use it, but he levels with himself that this is an emergency so the Ministry shouldn't worry too much about it. Plus, it's Diagon Alley, so Muggles shouldn't be anywhere around here anyway.
"Lily!" He yells out again.
"James!" Someone shrieks. He runs towards the sound and almost cries with relief when he notices someone running towards him. "James!" Lily shouts as she almost runs into him. "Oh, god, are you okay? What the hell happened? I- I couldn't find you- and I was- I-"
"Lily, listen. Do you have your wand on you?" James asks, his voice the most serious it's ever been.
"Yes, I do," she nods, pulling it out of her bag. "What are we going to do? There are people everywhere and- James! Your arm! Oh my god, we need to-"
"It's alright," James lies, hoping to soothe her. He points his wand at it and bandages it up. He'll remove the glass later. First, he needs to help people who are currently dying. "Lily, I need you to go and find my mother. Use a tracking spell. Here," he passes her the pouch Effie gave him earlier. "Use this. I'm going to stay here and try to help- there are people with really bad injuries and I-"
"But, James, it's dangerous. What if there's another explosion?" Lily argues, her face scrunched with worry.
"Lily, they're dying and I can help them. I've been training for this exact thing all year," he tells her. Then, perhaps a bit rudely, he pushes her in the other direction. "Go and find my mum!" He runs off in the other direction, back through the smoke and the rubble, and finds a young child crying next to a woman, who must be her mother.
The woman is lying on the floor unconscious. There's blood staining her temple, dark red, almost black. James hurries over to her, ignoring the child for now and prioritising helping the injured woman. He points his wand at her and casts a couple of the most proficient diagnostic spells he can think of. He finds out she has a deep gash on the side of her head and scratches on her face from the rubble, as well as a grade two concussion. That's something he can treat right here, thankfully, so he speedily gets to work on repairing it.
Once he thinks he's finished, he casts, "Rennervate," and watches as the woman's eyes burst open. She looks briefly confused and then panic settles in and she glances up at him.
"My child-"
"She's right here," James tells her. He looks up at the small girl and kindly holds his hand out to her. She looks cautious for a moment, but after a couple of seconds, she takes his hand and allows him to direct her into her mother's view. "You shouldn't move in case I did something wrong. I'm sorry. I have to go and help the others. The Aurors should be here soon."
Then, he's off again. He doesn't actually know if the Aurors are coming, or if the Death Eaters will be back, but he had to say something before he left.
James ends up healing three more people's injuries and finds over seven (he lost count) bodies before he runs into an Auror. They must notice that he's young and scared and not a threat because they don't even bother questioning him. Instead, they ask him if he saw anything, any faces he might recognise. He tells them he didn't notice anything suspicious before the explosion, nor since then.
"There are dozens of people with injuries," James says frantically. "I've been trying to heal a few, but I'm only sixteen, I can't-"
"Hey, it's okay, son," an Auror cuts him off, tone calming. They lay a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it. "You did good. Now, did you come here alone or are you looking for someone?"
"My friend and my mum, they're here somewhere," James replies, surprised by how steady his voice sounds.
"Stick with us, we're about to clear out the smoke," says the man. "What's your name?"
"James," he responds. "James Potter."
"You're Effie and Monty's boy? I should've known. I'm Donnie Diggle - my son was a few years above you at school."
James searches his mind to see if he recognises the name. "Dedalus?"
"That's right," Donnie smiles. "Right, we should probably get going. Come with me, James."
James follows Donnie through the smoke, barely managing to make it through the rubble without tripping. He keeps his wand out, prepared to cast a shield charm at any moment. Donnie doesn't seem phased by the fact that James has performed underage magic outside of Hogwarts, clearly realising that the dire situation called for it.
It isn't long before the smoke is cleared and the true disastrous scene comes into view. Two shops that James can't remember the name of have been completely blown to pieces. Left as a pile of bricks and tiles. Casualties line the floor, almost as many as there are injured. James has to look away from their open eyes, unsure if he'll be able to keep down his ice-cream cone.
"James!"
James spins around and only just about manages to make out his mother's face before she's pulling him into her arms.
"Oh thank Merlin you're alright. I was so worried," she rambles, still holding onto him tightly. When she pulls away, she smacks him on the shoulder.
"What was that for?" James whines.
"You let Lily go off on her own to look for me?! What were you thinking?!" His mother shouts and James instantly shrinks back, ashamed.
"I was just trying to help people-"
"Oh, I know, James Fleamont Potter! Lily, the poor dear, already told me about your self-sacrificing hero moment." Effie scowls and then pulls him back into another hug. "You stupid, brave boy."
"I'm sorry, mum," James says. He looks over his mother's shoulder and finds Lily standing a few paces away. Her hair has gone all frizzy around her head and there's ash staining her left cheek. He mouths, "Are you okay?" and she nods in response.
"Oh, Donnie, thank goodness you found him," Effie says, moving on from James and going over to her... friend? James doesn't know how his mother knows this man. Maybe from Dumbledore's war effort. "When's the Order getting here?"
"Albus said not to notify them as it seems like the attack is already over," Donnie responds. "Now, the main issue is having to get all of these injured people out of here whilst keeping as many alive as possible."
"Have Saint Mungos at least been alerted?"
"Yes, they're coming out now. You should take your son and the young lady out of here, just in case," Donnie says, turning his eyes on James. "You did well today, Potter."
James glances at his mother, worried she'll scold him if he says anything. However, she just stares at him with a proud look in her eyes. So, he says, "Thank you, sir."
"Make sure to get that wrist checked out," Donnie orders and then he's off, speeding through the street.
"Is this the only injury you have?" Effie asks, gesturing to James' wrist.
"No, I think I have a concussion, too."
"Oh, we'll have to get you home. My supplies are there," she says. "Lily, dear, you're coming with us. We can send a letter to your mother and let her know you'll be staying at ours tonight. I'd like to keep you under my observation for the next twenty-four hours, just in case you have any external injuries that a diagnostic spell won't detect."
Lily just quietly nods and steps forward. The two teenagers take Effie's free hands and soon they're apparating through space.
James lets out a pained sound as they land outside their house and then promptly throws up his ice-cream. You shouldn't apparate when you're bleeding out, he knows that much.
"I'm so sorry, my love," his mother murmurs, wrapping her arm around him and vanishing the mess on the floor with a wave of her wand. "Come on, let's go inside. Lily, dear, would you mind fetching Monty? He should be in his office."
"Of course," Lily says before leaving them.
That night, James considers writing to Regulus about it all, but then decides against it. He doesn't want to worry him, especially when they can't see each other for another five weeks.
There's a knock at his door and he says whoever it is can come in. He expects it to be his mother coming to check up on his concussion, which is mostly healed, or his father, who hasn't stopped coming into his room to make sure James is still there and alive.
It's neither of them.
Lily pokes her head around the door and asks if she can come in. James smiles and pulls back his duvet. Lily looks relieved and scurries over quickly.
They lie facing each other, just settling in the comforting silence. James swears he can still hear a ringing in his ears, even if there is no reason for him to anymore.
"I know this is going to sound completely selfish and... cruel to all of those that have died before today, but it didn't feel real before," Lily admits in a whisper. Her face is contorted into a distraught grimace, her eyes distant like she's still seeing all of the bodies and the destruction. James knows he is. "That's our future, James. Fight and die. Fight and live. Or run and know that everyone we love is choosing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good."
James feels a tear fall out of his eye and spill down the bridge of his nose where he's lying on his side. He doesn't bother wiping it away; Lily's crying, too.
"It's not selfish or cruel to think that way," James whispers back and Lily finally meets his eyes. "I think it was like that for me, too. I mean, I knew it was horrible... but being in the middle of it?" He shakes his head. "I felt like a ghost even though I was still alive. Being surrounded by so much death so suddenly was startling."
"I'm scared, James," Lily breathes out and then she's sobbing. James frowns and pulls her into his arms, letting her cry into his shirt.
"Me too," he confesses.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
ffyc = fuck (Welsh)
cymar = mate (Welsh)
seren fach = little star (Welsh)MENTIONS:
- at this point it's just a canon event that Remus has a voice in his head that he tells to shut up
- the "chippie" is what us Brits call a fish and chip shop :)
- sooooo that happened. and wolfstar still think they're just friends 🙄
- not James and Peter thinking Sirius made the first move when it was literally Remus lmao 😭😭
- James pretending to date Violetta is so funny to me, and Peter was so smug even tho he was so wrong hahahah
- writing the attack scene made me realise just how young they really are. like wtf. they're SIXTEEN.
- sorry about the depressing ending :/I know I said this would be out on Thursday instead, but I had it finished on time! So, I thought I'd treat you <3
See you next week :)
Chapter 75: Fifth Year: Summer Wedding and Bitter Sixteen
Summary:
The final "fifth year" chapter ahhhh
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of the attack from last chapter/explosions/casualties of war
-a child is isolated in a house for months as punishment/hinted child abuse
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The move you're most scared to make
is the one that will change everything
~ Christopher Walker
Saturday - 31st July , 1976
Sirius
After having gotten used to waking up curled around Remus, it's a disappointing change when he wakes up to Marlene jumping on top of him. He groans and turns on his side, pressing a pillow over his head, but this doesn't deter her. She simply drops beside him and starts trying to snatch the pillow away from him. Unfortunately, she wins, and Sirius is left to be blinded by the sunlight.
"Marlene," Sirius whines, rolling so that he's facing her. He squints up at her and rolls his eyes when he finds her grinning innocently down at him. "How long have you been up?" He asks, sitting up in the bed and leaning against the headboard.
"About two hours," Marlene responds.
"Jesus, what time is it?"
"Eight o'clock."
"What were you doing waking up at six in the morning, McKinnon?" Sirius looks at her like she's crazy. He's quite convinced she is.
"I couldn't sleep, alright?" She huffs and sits back against the headboard beside him, their shoulders bumping together. "My brother is getting married today."
Right, yes. Sirius almost forgot.
He arrived at Marlene's house last night, as was planned since the beginning of the year when he first got his invitation to Bobby and Sybill's wedding. Today is the day of the big wedding and Marlene has taken it upon herself to include Sirius in all of the bridesmaid duties she has, which apparently includes waking up at the crack of dawn.
"Sybill doesn't need you to help her get ready until ten, right?" Sirius asks through a yawn.
"She actually asked if I could start helping her a bit earlier because it’s going to take a while to sort out all of her hair," Marlene explains and raises her eyebrows meaningfully, making Sirius laugh.
"Do you still want me to come along?"
"Duh," Marlene says. "Sybill's great, but sometimes she can be a bit intense, so I need someone there to mediate."
"What about Stella and Molly? They're her bridesmaids, too, aren't they?"
"Yeah but Stella is absolutely awful when it comes to hair and makeup, and Molly isn't going to get here until later because she's got to help Arthur get Bill and Charlie ready," Marlene explains before jumping off the bed. "Come on."
Sirius sighs and follows her out of the room. "It's hilarious to me that you say Stella is awful when it comes to hair and makeup as if you have ever worn makeup a day in your life and as if I'm not the one who literally cuts your hair."
"Exactly," Marlene points at him. "So, when I predictably mess up, you can be there to clean it all up."
"So, that's why I'm here," Sirius snorts. "I'm doing your job."
"Now you're getting it," Marlene grins and pats him on the back before making her way down the stairs. Sirius shakes his head fondly and follows her.
They have breakfast with Marlene's parents, who are the only other people in the house with them other than Sybill. Edwin moved out last year and now lives in a small house in London that he shares with Gideon, Fabian and Kamilla. Darius moved out a couple of years ago after he graduated Hogwarts and now lives with his girlfriend Stella.
When Sirius asked why Sybill would be staying at the McKinnons' house the night before the wedding but not Bobby, Marlene told him it was because they didn't want to risk seeing each other before the actual ceremony. Apparently, the bride and the groom are supposed to sleep in separate beds the eve before the wedding, which Sirius thinks is stupid. He knows that he would want to spend his entire wedding day with the person he's marrying; from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep at night.
The wedding is going to take place in the garden behind Marlene's parents' house. It's large enough to fit the two-hundred guests that have been invited and has been decorated to resemble one of the more pretentious Pureblood family's back gardens. There's now a fountain in the middle of the garden with a mermaid in the centre that has been carved out of stone and an ornate, wooden gazebo at the opposite end of the garden, which is where the ceremony will take place. Bright flowers have been placed everywhere; some even twirl up the beams holding up the gazebo.
Sirius can't help but think it looks very un-McKinnon. They've never been a very fussy or fancy family and tend to prefer comfort over appearance. It's sort of strange to see everything looking so ostentatious.
After breakfast, they go back up to Marlene's bedroom and get changed into their outfits. Sirius is wearing Wizard robes, which is something he isn't used to. Usually, whenever an event comes up where he has to dress formally (which is normally only a Slug Club party anyway), he wears Muggle suits. But this is a magical wedding and Sirius doesn't want to be the only guest not wearing Wizard robes.
They're dark blue, so they match his eyes. He supposes they aren't too bad, but he does feel a bit silly wearing them. He feels like a Pureblood twat.
In another life, he probably was a Pureblood twat.
Marlene is wearing a light-blue jumpsuit that matches the flowers in Sybill's bouquet perfectly. She had been over the moon when she discovered she wasn't going to be forced to wear a dress. (Sirius thinks that's the real reason Marlene no longer teases Sybill behind her back.)
Sirius helps Marlene to style her hair and then when he offers to apply her makeup, she smacks the eyeliner pencil out of his hand and insists she won't be caught dead wearing the stuff. So, Sirius starts putting it on himself instead. The dark outline makes the blue in his eyes pop out.
Afterwards, they head up to Bobby's old bedroom, which is where Sybill is staying. She lets them in after only a single knock and smiles at the both of them when she realises who it is. Right now, Sybill isn't ready at all; her hair is in a knot on top of her head and her glasses are slightly askew on her face, reminding Sirius of James. She's also still wearing her pyjamas.
The ceremony doesn't actually start until twelve, and it's only half-past nine right now, but guests will likely start arriving early. That gives them around two hours to get Sybill ready for the most special day of her life.
No bloody pressure then , Sirius thinks.
"Oh, Marlene, you look absolutely gorgeous," Sybill announces before pulling Marlene into an impromptu hug. Marlene's eyes widen in surprise, but she doesn't pull away. She pats the bride-to-be awkwardly on the back until she is released. "And, Sirius, don't you look handsome?"
Sirius grins and thanks her.
"Alright, what would you like to start with?" Marlene asks, clapping her hands together. "I was thinking the dress last, because we don't want to accidentally drop anything on it. Does that sound right?" She turns to Sirius, as if he knows the answer.
"Yes, that sounds right," Sybill smiles softly at her. "We could start with makeup first and then move onto my hair and accessories? What were you thinking?" Sybill asks, holding out her makeup bag to Marlene, who takes it and holds it like it's a bomb and she doesn't know what to do with it.
"Uh..." She looks around the room and, when her eyes land on Sirius, she passes it to him. "Sirius, what were you thinking?"
Sybill turns to glance at Sirius, awaiting his response, seemingly not surprised by Marlene's decision to put Sirius in charge of her makeup.
"Well, uhm, the colour theme is blue, right?" Both of the girls nod. "Okay. What if we go with a mostly neutral makeup look, but then add in a dash of colour? Do you have a..." Sirius goes rummaging in the makeup bag and digs out a little stick of blue eyeliner. "What do you think about this?"
"That sounds perfect," Sybill nods before making her way over to the desk on the other side of the room. Someone has placed a mirror on top of it, creating a makeshift vanity. When Sirius looks at Marlene, she gestures for him to go and help Sybill, so he does.
He takes his time applying the makeup, not wanting to ruin it, or make it look like too much. There will probably be many photos taken today, and Sirius doubts Sybill wants to look back at her special day and realise she looked like a clown. By the time he's finished, half-an-hour has passed.
"I already know what I want to do with my hair," Sybill tells him. "I want to mostly leave it because I like the way it falls naturally, even if it is a bit crazy," she laughs and Sirius can't help but chuckle along with her. Crazy doesn't even begin to describe Sybill's hair - it's feral. "But I want to add little plaits in it and thread through some of this gold string I found in Diagon a few months ago. I've been saving it for today."
Sybill opens a drawer beside her and pulls out the string, presenting it to Sirius, who takes it.
"Wow, it's beautiful," he smiles.
"I know," Sybill squeals excitedly. "And if you tap your wand to it, it sparkles."
"Hey, I can help with this part," Marlene announces proudly.
So, the two of them spend the next hour or so adding small plaits throughout Sybill's hair, leaving most of it wild and free. When they're done, another hour has passed. Sirius looks at Sybill in the mirror and can't help but think of how beautiful she looks. She reminds him a bit of a Greek painting he once saw of Aphrodite when his parents took him on a visit to a museum.
They help Sybill put on her jewellery next; her necklace is gold, so it matches the thread in her hair, and has small, blue stones attached to it. She has a matching bracelet and earrings, as well as a gold armlet, which is carved to resemble swirling waves, on her left bicep.
"Done!" Marlene says as she clasps Sybill's necklace. "Now, shall we move onto the dress?"
Sybill doesn't answer and when Sirius glances up to look at her reflection in the mirror, he notices she's daydreaming.
"Sybill?" Sirius taps her gently on the shoulder, startling her out of her musing.
"Sorry, what?"
"Are you alright?" Sirius asks.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just... I had a strange dream last night," she admits, face scrunching up in confusion. "I have it every year at the end of July. Sorry, it's not important." She brushes it off, and Marlene looks ready to move on, probably used to Sybill saying curious things, but Sirius is intrigued now.
"What was the dream about?"
"Honestly, it's fine. We don't need to talk about it," Sybill assures him, smiling softly.
"I know, but I'm curious," Sirius admits.
"Oh, okay," she murmurs. "Well, I only ever really remember flashes, but it's always the same thing. I see a baby with eyes as green as a tree in the summertime, then I see a flash of green lightning, followed by hair as white as snow and a rat. I know it sounds odd; most of my dreams are on the weirder side."
"You can say that again," Marlene mumbles.
Sirius frowns in thought. "How long have you been having this dream?"
"Every July since I was... six? Maybe seven, I'm not sure," Sybill says. "Right, I suppose we should prepare the dress now." She stands from her seat and moves over to the wardrobe on the other side of the bedroom.
As Marlene and Sirius help with Sybill's veil and make sure the train of her dress isn't going to trip her up, Sirius can't stop thinking about Sybill's strange dream.
Sirius heads out into the garden with the rest of the guests when Molly and Stella - Sybill's other bridesmaids - arrive. Sirius was shocked to see Molly very pregnant again. This is her third now. It's still strange when Sirius remembers she and Arthur are parents - it feels like last month when they were helping Sirius and his friends get to their classes during their first year of Hogwarts. He can't believe he's in sixth year now.
He finds Arthur sitting on the second row in from the front, his bright, red hair standing out from miles away. Beside him, there are two small boys, both with the same ginger hair their parents have. The younger of the two is sitting on his big brother's lap, giggling about something.
"Sirius!" Arthur greets him with a wide grin. "Marlene mentioned you were coming."
"How's it going, mate?" Sirius asks as he moves forward to shake Arthur's hand. "I just saw Molly. She says you've got a third one on the way."
"Ah, yes, Percy," Arthur tells him. "Molly was a bit miffed when we found out we were having another boy, but we're still so excited for more. Who knows, maybe the next one will be a girl."
Sirius chuckles agreeably, but can't help but think, The next one?
"Come sit with us," Arthur says, waving Sirius over. He takes the seat on the other side of the small boys, who both glance up at him.
"Hello," Sirius smiles. "You must be Bill, and is this little one Charlie?"
"Yes!" Bill exclaims, excited that Sirius knows who he is.
"I knew it," Sirius nods wisely. "You know, I've known you since you were in your mother's tummy."
"Really?" Bill grins, showing off gaps where his teeth haven't come through yet.
"Mhm. You were about this big," Sirius says, pressing his fingers close together.
"What's your name?" Bill asks him.
"Sirius."
"Sirius," he repeats, spitting because of the slight lisp he has. "That name is so cool. Did you know we're gonna have another little brother? His name is Percy and he's in mummy's tummy."
"I did know that," Sirius laughs. "Do you like being a big brother?"
"Yes," Bill responds enthusiastically as he squeezes his brother in his arms. Charlie lets out a cute, little giggle and tightens his pudgy hands around his brother's forearms. "I want lots and lots of little brothers."
"What about a sister?" Sirius asks. "You know, I have a little sister and she's one of my favourite people in the whole world."
"I only want one sister," Bill declares. "Like Marlene and her brothers."
Sirius smiles warmly. "Then, maybe that's what you'll end up getting." He looks up at Arthur, who beams brightly at him.
Once all of the seats have filled up, the music starts up and everyone turns to watch as the groomsmen make their way down the aisle first. Gideon and Fabian walk down together, dressed in matching blue robes, followed by Edwin and Darius, and then the groom himself. Bobby's outfit is similar to his groomsmen's, only his is more elaborate and fancier. His hair has been combed out of his face and styled to the side.
The bridesmaids come next. First, it's Molly and Stella, who walk down together. Then, Marlene shows up at the end of the aisle. She finds Sirius in the crowd pretty quickly, who gives her a dramatic thumbs up. She bites down on her lip like she's trying not to laugh.
When Sybill appears, the music slows down and the murmurs that had followed the bridesmaids die down entirely. Sybill's dress is a long, fishtail design with bell sleeves that are made out of intricate lace. She walks down the aisle with her bouquet clutched in her hands, her eyes never leaving Bobby.
When Sirius looks up at the front to where Bobby is standing, he notices that the man has tears in his eyes as he watches his bride approach him. There's so much love in that single gaze. Sirius briefly wonders if that's what he looks like when he's looking at Remus.
The ceremony lasts longer than Sirius expects, but he doesn't mind. He watches on with subdued amusement as Marlene tries and fails not to cry as Bobby reads out his personalised vows to Sybill, and vice versa. Molly openly weeps, and so does Fabian, who doesn't even worry about trying to hide it.
They are pronounced man and wife, and cheers erupt from the crowd. Sybill and Bobby share a kiss, which is quickly followed by Marlene grimacing and Darius patting his brother proudly on the back.
Gideon finds him later on at the reception. Sirius has been watching, and laughing, as Marlene dances with Bill and Charlie for the last fifteen minutes. The two small boys stare up at her with so much love, and Marlene looks just as fond. Sirius doesn't think he's ever seen her look so soft about anything since he's known her.
"You didn't bring a date?" Gideon queries as he takes the empty seat beside Sirius. "Aren't you going out with one of the Bells?"
"Nah, not anymore," Sirius replies, moving his eyes from Marlene to Gideon. "We broke up ages ago."
"Oh, sorry," Gideon grimaces comically. Sirius laughs.
"It's fine," Sirius shrugs. "We're friends now, so no hard feelings."
"Right," Gideon nods. He glances over at the dance floor and chuckles before pointing off at something. Sirius follows his finger and notices Edwin being spun around by Sybill, who has shed her large wedding dress and is now wearing something more suitable for dancing.
"Oh, god, he looks like he's gonna be sick," Sirius cackles.
"He probably will be later when he's got more drink in him, and I'll be the one who has to clean it up," he gives Sirius a jokingly flat look.
"You act bothered now, but you'll be the next ones getting married I bet," Sirius states.
"Yeah, probably," Gideon smiles bashfully as he continues to watch his boyfriend. When he turns back to Sirius, it's with a mischievous expression. "Got your eye on anyone new then? Remember, you once promised you'd tell me if you did."
"I made that promise like four years ago," Sirius argues. When Gideon only raises both of his eyebrows and shows Sirius he isn't going to take that for an answer, Sirius sighs. "Fine. There is someone... sort of."
"Ooh, interesting. I've missed all of the Hogwarts relationship drama, tell me everything."
Sirius snorts. "Alright fine, but I'm not going to say who it is because if anyone else finds out, it'll ruin everything." When Gideon only nods in response, Sirius carries on, glad he finally has someone to talk to about this who isn't too close to Remus. "Okay, so I've been staying at his house loads over the summer and we keep doing things but I don't think we're actually together."
"Well, it depends on how far these things went. If it was just snogging, then there's a chance it was just a bit of fun. Was it more?"
"...Yeah," Sirius admits, blushing.
"Oh, Merlin, you slept together, didn't you?" Gideon laughs.
"Yes and he was-" Sirius stops, realising he probably shouldn't be disclosing that piece of information. Unfortunately for him, Gideon seems to know exactly what he means.
"Woah, a virgin? Oh, he definitely likes you!" Gideon practically yells and Sirius sends a quick, cautious look around the garden, hoping no one's caught onto their conversation yet. Much to his disappointment, Edwin's attention has been caught and he's now making his way over.
He drops into the seat next to Gideon and asks what they're talking about. When Gideon questions Sirius if he can catch Edwin up, Sirius nods because he already knows Gideon tells Edwin everything anyway.
"He totally fancies you," Edwin announces once Gideon's told him everything. "You don't just lose your virginity to some rando."
"Well, it's- we're not- I mean, he's..." Sirius frowns.
A sly smirk slowly crawls its way up Edwin's face and he lets out a knowing, "Ah." Gideon catches on only a moment later.
"So, he's a friend of yours then?"
"Which one? Pettigrew? You were always close with him," Edwin says.
"Nah, he was dating that Ravenclaw guy," Gideon explains.
"Oh, yeah. Are they still together?" They direct this question towards Sirius, who nods mutely.
"It's not James, is it?!" Gideon gapes. "Aw, you'd be such an adorable couple."
"What? Ew, no, James is like a brother to me," Sirius grimaces.
"Aha!" Edwin points at him. "So, that leaves the lanky one!"
"He isn't lanky," Sirius remarks, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.
Gideon smiles victoriously. "Lupin it is then."
"Shit," Sirius sighs, running a hand down his face. "You can't tell anyone, no one else knows."
"Of course, we won't," Edwin says instantly.
"So," Gideon begins, his voice lower than before, "how long have you had your eyes on him then?"
"A while..." Sirius mumbles, staring down at the ground.
"What year?"
"...Third year," he whispers.
"Woah, that's like three years," Gideon says. "You've been more patient than I was."
"You have," Edwin nods.
Before Sirius gets the chance to say anything else, an elderly woman approaches their table. Edwin says hello to her, calling her grandmother, which means this must be Marlene's grandmother.
She turns to Sirius and asks him to dance with her, boldly stating that she hasn't had a dancing partner as handsome as him in years. Sirius' eyes widen at the same time Edwin and Gideon burst out laughing. He accepts the dance and sends a fearful look Marlene's way as her grandmother pulls him towards the dance floor.
Friday - 13th August, 1976
Sirius is so excited. Remus is coming to Cornwall today and is going to be staying at his for a few nights. Their O.W.L results were sent to them yesterday, but the two of them agreed not to open them until they are together.
Miriam, Elliot, and their parents arrived a couple of days ago and are staying for a week. Sirius is so excited for them to all meet Remus, especially Miriam, who will be attending Hogwarts this year. Sirius can't wait to show his cousin around the magical castle and teach her all about the hidden passageways, and which parts of the library you can get away with being loud in, and how to get into the kitchens. Just all of it. He'll never get the chance to show Dora around because of their large age gap, so this makes up for that.
He's been keeping the Hogwarts talk to a minimum over the last couple of days because he doesn't want to upset Elliot or make him feel left out. Sirius is sure he'll receive a Hogwarts letter next January when his eleventh birthday arrives.
Sirius is sitting on the couch in the living room with Miriam in front of him on the floor as he plaits her hair when the fireplace sparks to life. He hurriedly ties off Miriam's second braid and then jumps over her to get to the fireplace. He hears her yell, "Hey!" from behind him, but doesn't bother turning around. She's always been dramatic like him.
Remus steps out of the fireplace and almost jumps back into it when Sirius approaches him quickly. Sirius isn't deterred. He jumps forward and pulls Remus into a hug. After a moment, Remus hugs him back and Sirius melts into his arms.
They haven't seen each other since Sirius went to Wales. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about his last visit; memories of his final night there keep creeping into his mind and overpowering his every thought.
He can't believe he had sex with Remus. With Moony .
Not just that though, it was Remus' first time, and he let Sirius take it. Sometimes, Sirius wonders if Remus might actually like him back properly, especially after what Gideon and Edwin said at the wedding.
It was amazing, too. The best he's ever had, not that he's got much to go off. He thinks he should probably feel guilty because Jess was perfectly fine, but it's different when you're in love with the person, and Sirius is very much in love with Remus Lupin.
"Sirius," Remus murmurs in his ear.
"Mm," Sirius hums back.
"There's a tiny person watching us."
Sirius frowns and pulls away slightly, but Remus' arms remain around his waist, and Sirius' looped around his shoulders. He turns and finds Miriam staring at them; she's now sitting on the couch in the exact spot Sirius was only moments before.
"Oh, that's Miriam," Sirius explains.
Realisation dawns over Remus' face and he smiles at the girl. He slowly extracts himself away from Sirius, much to the other boy's disappointment.
"Where are your parents?" Remus asks.
"They took Elliot and Dora down to the beach with my aunt and uncle, but Miriam didn't feel like going again, and I wanted to stay here to wait for you," Sirius explains as he takes Remus' bag from him. "Come on, we can take this up to my room. The spare room is taken up by everyone else."
"What about Miriam?" Remus gestures to the girl.
"Oh, right," Sirius frowns. "Uh, Miriam, If you want, you can go down and steal one of the snow globes whilst Uncle Ted is still out, but you might want to be quick."
"Ooh, okay!" Miriam replies excitedly, hopping off the chair and rushing towards the stairs.
Remus snorts. "It's almost as if you have her trained."
"People always say she's so difficult to handle, but she's basically just a mini me, so I have it down to a science at this point," Sirius says, waving his hand through the air in a careless gesture. "Let's go."
They head up to his bedroom and Sirius places Remus' bag at the end of his bed. When he turns around, he finds Remus holding a large envelope and instantly knows what it is.
"You want to open them now?" Sirius asks, feeling nervous as he grabs his envelope from his bedside table.
"I want to get it over with," Remus admits.
"Alright then," Sirius nods, walking over to him. They stand opposite each other and then they start opening their O.W.L results.
Sirius Tonks - Fifth Year Examinations (Ordinary Wizarding Levels)
Pass Grades
Outstanding (O)
Exceeds Expectations (E)
Acceptable (A)
Fail Grades
Poor (P)
Dreadful (D)
Troll (T)
Results:
Ancient Runes
O
Astronomy
O
Charms
O
Defence Against the Dark Arts
O
Divination
E
Herbology
O
History of Magic
E
Muggle Studies
O
Potions
E
Transfiguration
O
Sirius blinks and then reads his results again. When he realises he's read it right, his eyes widen. He just achieved ten O.W.Ls, all of which he got high grades on. He's surprised he even passed History of Magic - he thought he would fail the subject because he hates it so much. He isn't even taking it next year.
He glances up at Remus, who is staring down at his results with furrowed eyebrows. Sirius can't tell if he's confused or upset or both.
"Want to trade?" Sirius asks, holding out his own results.
"Okay, but don't laugh," Remus says. He ignores the offended huff Sirius releases at the insinuation that he could ever be so mean to him.
Remus Lupin - Fifth Year Examinations (Ordinary Wizarding Levels)
Pass Grades
Outstanding (O)
Exceeds Expectations (E)
Acceptable (A)
Fail Grades
Poor (P)
Dreadful (D)
Troll (T)
Results:
Ancient Runes
O
Arithmancy
E
Astronomy
A
Care of Magical Creatures
E
Charms
O
Defence Against the Dark Arts
O
Herbology
A
History of Magic
O
Potions
O
Transfiguration
A
"Woah, you beat me in History of Magic and Potions," Sirius grins. "How the fuck did you get an Outstanding in Binns' class?"
Remus shrugs, looking embarrassed. "I dunno, it's just interesting."
Sirius raises an eyebrow that says he absolutely does not agree with that statement. They give each other their own grades back and Sirius places his on his bookshelf - he'll show his parents later.
"I can't believe you almost got all O's," Remus says when Sirius returns to his spot opposite him. "You're so bloody clever, it's annoying ."
"Oh, you think I'm clever," Sirius smirks as he slowly starts walking closer to the other boy.
"Actually, I take that back. Your ego doesn't need inflating anymore. If it gets any bigger, you'll fall over," Remus retorts, but there's a smirk curling in the corner of his lips.
"Would you rather I be some bumbling idiot? As ordinary as anything. As-"
Sirius is interrupted as Remus pulls him in by his collar into a kiss. He sighs into it and locks his arms around Remus' neck, pulling him in closer. Remus' hands drop to Sirius' hips, where they squeeze enticingly before curving around his back and dragging him in until their bodies are pressed flush together. Sirius can't help but be disappointed by the layers between them.
One of Sirius' hands sinks into Remus' hair, which is as soft as anything, a complete contrast to his rough fingers, which are now making their way up the back of Sirius' t-shirt.
"Ew! Stop! Gross!" Calls a voice from somewhere behind Remus. The two boys push away from each other speedily and then their eyes fall upon their intruder. Sirius can't help but think they should be more careful - this is the second time they've been caught snogging this summer. Only, this time, it isn't Remus' mother who has found them, but quite possibly the worst person who could have found out.
Miriam.
"What happened to that other guy? The one with the hair," Miriam asks and Sirius' eyes sink shut at her lack of tact. He watches as Remus prickles beside him.
"We broke up ages ago, Miriam," Sirius responds. "This is Remus. He's my... friend."
"Mhm," Miriam crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows, "sure he is."
When Sirius glances at Remus for help, he finds the other boy already watching him. There's something in his eyes, an emotion Sirius can't quite decipher because Remus is hiding it so well.
"Is he your new boyfriend then?" Miriam asks.
"What?" Sirius' head snaps to the side until he's looking at Miriam again. "I... I..."
Miriam snorts. "Let me guess, I need to keep this to myself."
"Yes," Remus responds immediately. "Because it's... it's not..."
"You'll understand when you're older," Sirius supplies, even though he doesn't understand it himself. Remus gives him a look and Sirius recognises faint amusement dancing in his eyes. He smiles and then looks at Miriam again. "Don't tell anyone, and that includes Elliot."
"Of course," Miriam smiles innocently.
Sirius isn't sure if he believes her.
***
Friday - 20th August, 1976
Regulus
Evan is over at Regulus’ house today; it's the third time he's come to Grimmauld this month. Apparently Pandora has been having dreams almost every night, all about Barty. Regulus hasn't told any of his friends about the letter Barty's father sent him last year. Barty asked him to keep it to himself, so he has. Regulus hasn't heard from Barty once all summer, so he has no idea if he's going to see his friend again come September.
When Evan arrives today, he comes stumbling out of the fireplace looking more panicked than Regulus has ever seen him.
"What's wrong?" Regulus asks immediately, catching Evan before he goes tumbling onto the rug.
"Have you heard from Barty yet?" Evan gasps out as if he's been running.
"Not yet," Regulus responds as worry begins to settle in his bones. "Why?"
"Pandora had another dream last night... and so did I," Evan admits, straightening himself and brushing Floo powder off his robes.
"Come on, let's go out to the gardens," Regulus says before leading them out of the room. He knows that if his mother overhears Evan talking about Pandora's gifts, she will banish him from the house, and Regulus can't have that. Other than Scarlett, Evan’s visits are the only reason Regulus has survived the summer.
They wander over to the east side of the estate, where the water fountain resides. There's a bench nearby, so Regulus takes a seat on it and Evan follows him, looking pale and shaken up as he moves.
"What was your dream about?"
Evan opens his mouth to talk, but then his face collapses like he's about to start crying. Regulus hasn't seen Evan cry many times before, so it's always a bit frightening when he does. Instead of crying though, he starts hyperventilating and drops his head in his hands. Regulus is quick to slide across the bench and place a calming hand on his friend's back.
"Just breathe, okay? It's alright... It was just a dream... Just breathe," Regulus repeats like a mantra.
It takes Evan a few minutes to compose himself, but when he does, he looks up at Regulus with tear-filled eyes.
"Evan, you're scaring me. What did you see?" Regulus questions.
"Barty... he was dead," Evan hardly manages to get that final word past his lips before he starts crying. "And Pandora refuses to let me know if she saw the same thing or not," he stutters out. "Regulus, he can't die. He just can't- if he dies, I'll-"
"Hey, it's going to be okay. Pandora would tell you, she would," Regulus says in hopes of reassuring Evan, who is now shaking beneath his hand. Regulus doesn't actually know if Pandora would tell them if any of them were going to die anytime soon, but he'd like to think she would.
"Would she, though?" Evan asks, voice clearer now, face still tear-stained. "She's always preaching how she can't tell us what's coming because it would spoil the future. What if Barty's death is a part of the equation? What if..."
Regulus stares down at the ground, eyebrows furrowed as he thinks. He knows where Evan is coming from, Pandora has always been very vague and secretive about the future. Her excuse has always been that she doesn't want to risk the future she sees. Even if it is a good future, does that matter if it means Barty doesn't live to see it? Regulus can't imagine what his life would be like without Barty - his absence would be like the earth losing the sea.
"I don't care if it's a part of the equation that leads us to a good future," Regulus says, voice deadly. Evan glances over at him in surprise, his eyelashes clumped together with tears. "I'm not going to let anything happen to him, alright? Barty is not going to die. He's going to annoy us until we're one-hundred and fifty if I have anything to say about it."
"But what if he's already..." Evan can't seem to finish that sentence.
"He isn't," Regulus snaps, maybe a bit too harshly. He takes a measured breath before speaking again. "I am going to write to Alice and ask her to let us know. Heck, I will owl the Minister of bloody Magic if I have to."
Evan lets out a sniffled, little laugh. "I'd love to see that."
Regulus looks at him and chuckles.
Sunday - 22nd August, 1976
Regulus doesn't get a response from Alice until almost two whole days after he sent the letter. He knows it shouldn't have taken her that long to respond and he was this close to actually sending an anonymous tip to the Ministry to check on Barty. But, when he notices Alice's owl tapping at his bedroom window, he practically sprints across the room to let it in.
The letter is short.
Regulus,
Mister Crouch hasn't let Barty out of the house all summer. It's not unusual for him to keep him locked in his room when he's misbehaved. When I asked my parents to go and check on him, they told me that Barty's mother said he went to stay with his grandmother in Italy. That was about two weeks ago now.
After I got your letter, I went to check on him myself. I told his father I wanted to show Barty my exam results, and he let me in. Barty looked really pale, so I think they were lying about Italy, but he was speaking, which is a good sign. He just hasn't been out of the house for months.
He told me to let you know that he's alright and that you should let Evan know he's read all of his letters because his mother keeps sneaking them to him, but he can't respond in case his father catches him.
Sorry I didn't send you a letter before now, I didn't even think.
Alice
Regulus rereads the letter twice to make sure he hasn't missed anything. It doesn't tell him if Barty will be returning to Hogwarts in September, but Regulus doubts Barty would have told Alice about his father's threat to pull him from school anyway. She probably expects Barty to return in September with him like he has every other year.
Regulus hopes he does.
He writes a quick thank you to Alice and sends it off with her owl, which had been patiently waiting by the window until now. Then, he finally gets ready for the day. He knows Narcissa and Lucius are coming over today to celebrate his birthday, which isn't until Wednesday. His mother said there won't be time for them to come and see him on his actual birthday, so he assumes his mother has already planned something else for him then.
He's just relieved that there are only ten days left until he goes back to Hogwarts. He's desperate to see Barty and absolutely dying to see James. He's a bit worried to see Sirius. They left things on good terms, which is a first, but Regulus can't help but think it will be weird now that they know they're brothers. Sirius seemed eager to get to know him before the summer, and Regulus isn't yet sure if he shares that sentiment.
Narcissa and Lucius arrive for dinner at six in the evening. Regulus hardly pays his cousin any attention, still pissed off about the whole Sirius and Andromeda thing, but that isn't just it anymore.
There was an attack on Diagon Alley a few weeks ago, in which there were over thirty casualties, and Regulus knows that Bellatrix was involved. She was bragging about it when she came for tea a couple of weeks ago, only days after the attack. Regulus doesn't know if Lucius was involved, but he knows his little Death Eater friends were, and that's enough for him to start hating the man. Narcissa just turns a blind eye whenever her sister or husband are involved in these sorts of things, and Regulus has had enough of it.
Seven of the casualties were children, one of which went to Hogwarts, only two years below Regulus.
If that's the sort of thing Lucius supports, then Regulus will never like him ever again. He hates that that's the sort of father Nico will grow up with.
Dinner passes slowly. He listens as Lucius talks about his job and Narcissa tells them Nico has finally started to eat his vegetables. He mostly tunes out the conversation; that is until he hears a familiar name mentioned that causes a shiver to run up his spine.
"...almost got one of the Potters," Lucius says as he cuts through a potato.
"Lucius, darling, I don't think you should be talking about this around Regulus yet," Narcissa whispers.
"No, he is old enough," Walburga cuts in, voice firm. She turns her eyes on Regulus. "It will be his turn soon, he may as well get a head start. Carry on, Lucius."
"Of course," Lucius nods regally, giving Regulus the urge to roll his eyes. He turns all of his focus onto Lucius, waiting for him to continue. "The Potters are one of the most influential parties in Dumbledore's resistance. We almost got rid of one of them during our visit to Diagon Alley, but she managed to get away."
Regulus feels as his blood freezes inside of him.
"You mean... you almost killed a Potter?" He asks, careful to keep his voice toneless when all he wants to do is scream or jump across the table and attack Lucius. He notices Narcissa's eyes on him, clarity clear in her features. She knows Regulus is "friends" with James and has done for years.
"Yes, Euphemia Potter," Lucius scowls as he recalls her name. Regulus feels his soul leave his body. Euphemia. James' mother. "Oh, and Rookwood told me he spotted another one of them there, too. He arrived with the Ministry, of course, because none of them are wise enough to notice that he has been working against them for years now."
"Another one?" Narcissa turns to her husband, confusion causing creases to form between her eyebrows. "You did not mention that before."
"Yes, her son, I believe," Lucius smirks meanly. "He was right beside the explosion when it happened."
Regulus doesn't realise what he's doing as he stands abruptly from his chair, not until his mother scolds him for getting up from the table without asking for permission to first. Regulus hardly hears her though. All he's thinking about are those two words: her son, her son, her son.
James.
James was at Diagon Alley, right next to the explosion when the Death Eaters were there. James. His James. He was caught right in the middle of the war.
Regulus blinks and looks over at his mother. "May I be excused, maman? I need to use the restroom?"
Walburga scrunches her nose up in distaste before nodding and waving him off with a quick, "If you must."
Regulus marches out of the room, worried that if he glances in Lucius' direction, he'll kill him. He was just bragging about the attack again. Bragging about hurting James .
Regulus tightens his fists, which are hanging by his sides. His skin prickles dangerously with magic. He feels as his magic threatens to spill over, to break something, or kill something.
He knows James is alive because he's spoken to him since the attack happened, but James didn't once mention being caught in the middle of it. He didn't even allude to the possibility. In fact, Regulus noticed that James hasn't spoken about the attacks or the war in months. Not to Regulus anyway.
Regulus can't even blame him. The last time James brought up the war, Regulus snapped at him. If he were James, he'd be too worried to bring it up for risk of an argument. And they don't argue. Sure, they banter, but they've always done that. It's like the foundation of their relationship, an important part of their dynamic. But they've never truly fought, not even when one of them got angry at the other - those were more like tantrums if anything.
He goes up to his bedroom, locks the door, and casts a silencing spell around the room. With his wand out and his magic already heightened, he lets out the first spell that comes to his mind and aims it at the window. It's a stupefy and it causes the window to shatter. He doesn't stop as he points his wand at his bed next, soon followed by his wardrobe and then his desk.
Once his entire room is in shambles, he finally pauses.
James could have died and it would have been Regulus' family's fault. James could have died and Regulus wouldn't have ever seen him again. James could have died and Regulus would have had to live without him.
It's at this moment that Regulus begins to make a list. The first name on it is Lucius Malfoy, quickly followed by Bellatrix Lestrange, Augustus Rookwood, and Walburga Black.
He takes a deep breath and then slowly releases it, calming himself down. He tidies his room as quickly as he can and only lifts the silencing spell once it's done. When he returns to the dining room, he glances at Lucius and thinks, I'm going to make you regret ever going anywhere near James Potter.
Wednesday - 25th August, 1976
Regulus didn't end up writing to James about what he learnt. He's decided he's going to wait to release his wrath when he sees him. He is so angry that James would keep that from him, but he's also so fucking terrified that James almost died. From the sounds of it, he was very nearly killed and that's just too much for Regulus. If James dies in this damn war... he doesn't even know what he'll do. Kill Voldemort himself maybe, if he's capable of it.
He thinks he'd be capable of anything if someone killed James.
He wakes up on his sixteenth birthday and instantly goes over to his loose floorboard and pulls out his notebook. James was writing to him last night right up until midnight so that he could be the first to say Happy Birthday to him. Regulus grins when he realises James has already written him something today, too.
I know I said it last night, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Merlin, I wish I was with you right now. I want to
squeeze you into a big birthday hug. I can't wait
to see you in a week, Starlight.
Regulus feels himself get all giddy at James’ words. He moves over to his desk and pulls out a quill and some ink.
Thank you, Sunshine.
I wish you were with me, too. I can't
wait to go back to Hogwarts.
Me neither! I'm so excited for sixth year.
I'm more excited to see you though.
I love you.
I can't wait to see you. You're getting
more than a hug when we get back to
school.
Friends
hug, idiot.
Oh, is that right...
(just picture me smirking right now to
get the full effect)
That's right. I should probably go before
my mother finds my notebook. I'll write
to you later.
Okay. Have a great day, querido! Talk to
you later
♡
During the morning of his birthday, Regulus has breakfast with his parents. He's still ignoring his father, still not over the fact that he kept Sirius a secret from him for all these years. Walburga is in a pleasant mood, which is suspicious, but Regulus blames it on the fact that him getting older means he's closer to marrying Scarlett and becoming head of the family.
Afterwards, his mother orders him to follow her into the sitting room. She watches as he opens his birthday presents, which range from a fresh set of quills to a brand new broom. He's surprised she bought him one on purpose, as he knows his mother has never been fond of Quidditch, thinking it too brutish of a sport.
He is excused to do whatever he pleases after lunchtime, so he wanders out into the garden and admires the flowers Kreacher planted this spring. There are his usual white roses, and some red ones, but there are also now dracaena and dahlia flowers that have sprouted on the south side of the garden which help to brighten the place up a bit.
Strangely, his silence is interrupted by the sound of a hooting owl. He glances up and squints under the sun. An owl that he recognises, though he isn't sure where from, is flying towards him, something clutched in its talons. It drops the envelope on his head before swooping off speedily in the other direction. Regulus wonders if it was trying to be quick on purpose so that it wouldn't be noticed by anyone other than Regulus himself.
He frowns down at the envelope before opening it. There's a letter and something else inside. Regulus pulls out the letter first; it's very brief.
Happy Birthday, Regulus. I thought you could use some more of these. Let me know if you ever run out and I can make some more.
Confused and wondering who could have sent this, he pulls the second thing out of the envelope and it all becomes clear.
He stares down at the sheet of Howler diffusers and almost laughs. He wonders how Sirius knew it was his birthday and is shocked that he thought to send him anything at all.
Regulus smiles to himself and tucks the letter and the gift into his pocket before heading back towards the house.
When mid-afternoon rolls around, Regulus is sitting in his room, reading a book he borrowed from Dorcas. It's a large book full of Muggle fairy tales, but with a dark twist. It was written by some people called the 'Brothers Grimm', which only makes Regulus think about how, in the Wizarding World, the 'grim' is a death omen.
Kreacher pops into his room, startling Regulus as he's making his way through a story called 'The King with the Lion'. He places a bookmark between the pages and then puts the book down on the seat beside him.
"Kreacher?" Regulus frowns down at the little elf, unsure of why he's appeared suddenly.
"Mistress Walburga has asked you to put on your bestest robes and to meet her outside of the dining room, Regulus," Kreacher recites. Unusually, he looks tense, like he's worrying about something.
"Okay," Regulus says slowly before standing up from the window seat and wandering over to his wardrobe to fetch his finest robes. "Are we expecting guests?"
"Kreacher is not to be saying, Regulus," Kreacher replies. "Kreacher is to be going now."
Regulus blinks and Kreacher is gone. He gets changed quickly and then makes sure his hair isn't sticking up at any odd angles. Once he's decided his appearance is adequate enough, he starts off downstairs.
There's an eerie stillness to the house all of a sudden. Usually, Grimmauld feels alive like a curse has hit it and still resides in the walls. But now, it's just quiet.
When he arrives at the ground floor of the house, he finds his mother standing outside the dining room, her hands held together in front of her, which is something she does when she's nervous. Regulus hasn't seen his mother nervous more than twice in his life, so it's a strange thing to see now.
He makes his way over to her, feeling as anxiety falls over him at the sight of his mother's fidgeting. She spots him just as he approaches her and relief floods her features as she realises he followed her instructions and is, in fact, wearing his newest set of robes.
"Regulus," Walburga speaks, her voice low yet still stern. "You have a visitor - he is a very important visitor, so you are to act with the utmost respect. If you do not, you will not be returning to school next week, is that clear?"
Regulus' eyes widen minutely at the threat. He can't just not return to school; he needs to know if Barty is alright and needs to see James.
"Oui, maman," Regulus agrees.
"Good," Walburga nods. She inhales sharply and then pushes the door open and gestures for Regulus to step inside. He hears her exhale from behind him the moment he enters the dining room, and then the sound of the door closing. He turns and finds that his mother hasn't followed him in.
When Regulus turns to face the rest of the room again, he notices a man sitting in the seat his father usually occupies. He looks to be in his late-forties, maybe early-fifties. His hair is dark and combed off to the side smartly and his skin is pale, but nowhere near as much as Regulus'. He has dark-brown eyes that almost look red, though Regulus is certain that must be an illusion caused by the lights.
Regulus has never seen this man before, but he instantly knows who he is. The magic surrounding him prickles at his skin, burning slightly when he moves. It's dark, somehow darker than any magic Regulus has come across in this house.
This has to be the Dark Lord.
His eyes meet Regulus' and he instantly feels a pressure at the forefront of his mind, so he throws his occlumency walls up. Great, so the man is a natural legilimens.
"Regulus, I assume," the man speaks, his voice low like the hiss of a snake. "Come, take a seat." He waves his hand and the seat to the left of him drags itself out from beneath the table.
Regulus walks over to the table and sits down, knowing that, even if he does want to run away, he can't. Voldemort is a very powerful man and Regulus would be a fool to think he could beat him in anything more than a thumb-war.
"I am Lord Voldemort," he says, eyes never leaving Regulus'. "You may call me 'My Lord'. Do you know why I have come to visit you today, Regulus Black?"
Regulus swallows, not wanting to clear his throat and risk being called rude or cursed. "I cannot say that I do, My Lord."
Voldemort smiles and Regulus has to blink to make sure he's seeing it correctly. The man's lips stretch up in an unhuman-like fashion, almost as if they've been carved in the corners. It reminds Regulus briefly of a snake or a lizard.
"It is your sixteenth birthday today, which means you will be of age in a year," Voldemort states as if Regulus wasn't already aware. "It is important in this world to forge alliances and connections, and your family has been very valuable in that regard. Unfortunately, your father is too weak to be of much use, which leaves you. The next in line."
Regulus tries to listen to the man's words, but his mind keeps snagging on his appearance. There's something fundamentally wrong about it, and not just because he looks a bit creepy; it almost looks like his body has started to melt away with all of the dark magic he's been using. There's a distorted blur around his figure, giving him a spectral-like appearance, and the red flecks in his eyes shine brighter as he speaks.
Alarm bells start going off in Regulus' head but he can't figure out why.
"Are you talking about the war?" Regulus asks politely.
"In a way," Voldemort replies. "Personally, I would not refer to it as a war, but merely a few measly people attempting to ruin my world by throwing a tantrum."
My world , Regulus scoffs mentally. How big is this man's ego?
"I believe you could be a wonderful asset to help eradicate those measly people."
Regulus works hard to contain his reaction to that statement. Voldemort wants to recruit him? Just like Bella, just like Lucius. He wants Regulus ?
"Not yet, of course," the man continues, smirking again in that way that makes his lips stretch almost to his eyes. "There is no need to rush these things. Your mother has offered you up on your next birthday."
"Offered me up," Regulus repeats, not quite sure he's understanding the man correctly. Surely, he can't mean-
"That is when you shall receive your mark," Voldemort confirms.
Regulus realises how important this moment is, how it's the most pivotal event of his life so far. He knows he has to react correctly because, if he doesn't, he might not make it out of this room alive, and that scares him almost as much as the prospect of getting the same Dark Mark as Bellatrix has.
He meets Regulus' eyes and says in a monotone voice, "Of course, that is what I expected." Lie . "I would be honoured to be a part of your insurgence, My Lord." Another lie.
"Wonderful," Voldemort declares before standing from his chair. Regulus does the same and is surprised when Voldemort holds out his hand like he expects Regulus to shake it. He takes it, and the moment their skin comes into contact, Regulus realises what's wrong.
Voldemort's skin feels like the wax of a candle, soft and easily peelable, like it's literally shedding off his bones.
Regulus has read about this before. About this, and the blurry appearance, and the inhuman-like looks. It was in a dusty, old book he picked up from Godric's room; something he never thought would come in handy and assumed was a forgotten piece of magic that no one of this day would ever come across.
As Regulus is dismissed, he leaves the room in a trance, hardly noticing when his mother asks him how it went. He responds, but doesn't hear himself, too busy lost inside his mind. He faintly recognises his mother telling him to go back to his room until dinner, so he does. The moment he closes his bedroom door behind him, he collapses back into it and feels as the floor vanishes from beneath him, his breath knocked from his lungs.
If he's right, if his theory is correct, then the light side will never win the war. Not without this piece of information. This knowledge that not even the Black family library holds.
Voldemort has made a Horcrux.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
maman = mother (French)
oui, maman = yes, mother (French)
querido = darling (Spanish)MENTIONS:
- Sybill's dream was kinda interesting 👀 also, speaking of sybill- AHHHH she's so beautiful in my head. Bobby needs to back off bc she's my wife actually 😌✋
- Sirius is always so cute with kids, he's gonna be a great dad someday :(
- Sirius and Gideon just gossiping at a wedding <3 then Edwin joining in <3
- "the lanky one" 😭 he did Remus dirty
- Miriam is about to make all of your dreams come true :D
- Reg is PISSED. he's so protective over his husband 🤭
- Sirius remembered Reg's birthday T-T
- well... Reg finally met Voldy. oof. that was rough. also! he's officially got his tattoo appointment booked (I think I'm hilarious btw)
- Reg being clever>>> (he and Sirius are brothers fr)I've been planning this fic since I was fifteen, writing it since I was sixteen, and I'm now about to be eighteen. That's insane to me. Anyway, this is the last chapter I will be posting before I'm an adult 😭 Thanks for all of the support over the YEARS (can't believe it's been that long omgg), I appreciate all of you <3
See you guys next week!
-Rue
Chapter 76: Sixth Year: Keep Yourself Alive
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mention of the Diagon Alley attack/explosions/death and casualties/injuries/war
-hints at a character having PTSD
-semi-explicit sexual content (I'm not 100% sure what constitutes as "specific")
-child abuse/Imperius Curse/isolating a child
-a character skips a couple of meals (not an ED tho)
-a character loses sleep from stressIgnore it if there are any mistakes, I skim read this to edit it because I am so busy rn 😭
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Do you think you're better every day?
No, I just think I'm two steps nearer to my grave
~ Queen
Wednesday - 1st September, 1976
James
Time has been strange to James ever since the attack at Diagon Alley. Half of the days pass him by swiftly, gone before he blinks, over before he's even gotten out of bed. The other half drag by, slow and tormenting, his mind stuck on a repetitive cycle. All he can hear is ringing and all he can see is smoke; and when all of that clears, the world is covered in bodies.
His parents have been telling him it's just him processing his trauma, that he shouldn't rush it, shouldn't ignore it. But James is used to trauma; he's lived with it for half of his life. He's used to paralysing nightmares, to finding tears on his face that he doesn't remember shedding. He's used to it. He should be used to it. And yet, he can't seem to stop it from trying to destabilise him.
Harry hasn't been the only dead person making appearances in his dreams as of late. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees the casualties of war that had surrounded him. He remembers how he had only spared them a single glance before he forced his mind to forget, to move on. Doesn't that make him cold? Doesn't that mean there's something wrong with him? These people died only feet away from him and he couldn't bare to look into their vacant eyes for more than a couple of seconds before feeling ill. If it were him that had died instead, they probably would have spent more time focusing on the death around them. James was afraid and it made him careless.
His parents don't drive him to the station on the first of September. Instead, his mother takes him through the Floo, informing him that his father is out on business for Dumbledore. James knows what that means now. Selfishly, he wishes he didn't.
"If you need me or your father for anything, anything at all, you let Minerva know and she'll bring us right away, okay, darling?" Effie says as she tightens James' tie around his neck and adjusts the 'Captain' pin on his collar. "If not, then I'll see you at Christmas." She leans in and presses a final kiss to his cheek.
"Okay," James responds distantly. He watches as his mother examines him, taking in every minute expression on his face. A small frown slips its way onto her lips. Not wanting to make her feel worried, James tries a smile. "I'm almost an adult now, mum. I don't need McGonagall to call you down to the school. I'll see you at Christmas."
Effie smiles lightly and cups his cheek. "You may almost be an adult, but you'll always need your mother, James."
I know, James thinks warmly.
He doesn't say anything more. They share a hug that lingers long enough for James to want to stay there forever, and, when they finally part, he hurries off towards the train.
It's quite late, the train is about to leave the station, so the train aisle is blocked with students trying to find empty compartments or their friends. James watches as a couple of new first years crash into each other among the bustle; one of them helps the other up and they smile at each other. James thinks back to his own first year, five years ago now, when he first met all of his friends. When he first met Regulus.
As if he's summoned him, James catches sight of Regulus poking his head out of a compartment. When his eyes settle on James, both relief and some other expression James can't quite decipher makes their way onto his face. He subtly flicks his chin towards the compartment he's in, signalling for James to join him.
When James makes it to the compartment, the door now shut and the blind covering the window, he slips inside and is relieved when he only finds Regulus inside. The train has now left the station. Parents waving goodbye to their children rush out of view and are soon replaced by a blur of trees and greenery.
Regulus is sitting in one of the window seats, his gaze focused on the world outside. James can't help but think about last year when Regulus pounced on him after their summer apart. This is a complete contrast to that. They haven't seen each other in almost three months, and Regulus isn't even looking at him.
Dread starts to grow in James' gut.
Regulus blinks and glances up at James, who is still standing idly by the door, unsure of what to do. Closer now, James can recognise the emotion on Regulus' face.
Anger.
It's so rare that he's ever seen Regulus properly and truly angry. Usually, it would be directed at Sirius, but even that hasn't been for years.
"Reg," James breathes, hoping to get some sort of reaction from the boy. Any form of recognition will do. Even a roll of his pretty, little eyes.
In a flash, Regulus is up and out of his seat. He grabs James' collar in his hands, displacing the badge his mother had just straightened, and pushes him against the door. James can't help but think that Regulus should be pulling him closer, not shoving him away.
His nostrils are flared and his chest rises and falls against James'. There's pure fury in his eyes, completely directed at James. Briefly, he wonders what he did.
"Reg, what-"
"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Regulus snarls, cheeks turning red in his anger. "You almost fucking died, James, and you didn't think that was something I should know?"
James pauses, feels as the lightness in his chest that had arrived the moment he saw Regulus dies and gives way to that hollow misery he hasn't been able to shake for the last five weeks.
"How do you know?" James asks numbly.
"That doesn't matter!" Regulus yells, shoving him again before letting him go entirely. He starts pacing in the limited foot space, his hands fiddling neurotically with the bottom of his tie. "You could have died and I would've had to read about it in the paper. The paper. Just imagine that, James. If it was the other way around. How would you feel if you found out I was gone because my name was written on the list of the fucking dead?"
"I didn't die, Reg."
"I know that!" Regulus shouts again. James isn't sure he's heard Regulus yell so much since he's known him. "But you were right in the middle of it, weren't you? You got hurt?"
It's a question, which means Regulus is expecting him to answer. James just stares at him blankly and nods, rigid.
Regulus lets out a low, frustrated whine as he starts pacing again. When he reaches James, he reaches out and pushes him against the chest, but before James can even process that, he's being dragged forward by his collar. Regulus' lips crash against his. James kisses him back with just as much fervour, feeling intoxicated by the sensation of having Regulus pressed so close to him after so long apart.
For a moment there, he thought he forgot what this felt like, but now he realises he could never. It's the most alive he's ever felt; his soul entirely entwined with Regulus'.
He brings his hands up to cup Regulus' jaw as their lips continue to battle for dominance. There's nothing sweet about this reunion, nothing soft; it's all sharp edges and bitter words. It's rough.
Regulus loosens James' tie and then starts clawing at the knot. Once he's worked it free, he strips the tie away from James' shirt and chucks it off to the side. His hands instantly move up to James' shirt buttons as he begins to undo them. James drops his hands to Regulus' hips and digs his fingers into them as he pushes their pelvises together. Their mouths part around a gasp before Regulus brings them back together, his teeth sinking into the flesh of James' bottom lip.
James shivers as he feels Regulus' cool hands drag down his bare chest. When he looks down, he notices that Regulus has fully unbuttoned his shirt and has pushed it aside, leaving James' stomach and chest out on full display.
It's the first time they've done this, but James' mind doesn't waste time lingering on that fact. He looks at Regulus and finds him staring at his body with hooded eyes. When he glances up and meets James' eyes, something dark washes over his features.
James reaches out and starts unbuttoning the dark-blue shirt Regulus is wearing, not yet in his uniform. Fairs fair, he thinks.
Regulus lets him. He watches as James' hands move from button to button at a quick speed, never hesitating or slipping up. He pushes the material aside once he's done and takes in each new part of Regulus that's being presented to him.
He has scars, a dark sort of grey that stand out against his ceramic-like skin. James trails his index finger lightly against the longer one on Regulus' hip, completely mesmerised by the movement.
"James," Regulus whispers, catching his attention. When James meets his gaze, Regulus runs his hands down his stomach until they hit his belt. There's a question in his eyes and James, somehow, knows exactly what it is. He nods before he leans in and presses his lips to Regulus' cheek, something light and fleeting before he moves down to Regulus' neck. He kisses the slither of his shoulder that is showing whilst Regulus starts to unbuckle his belt.
James' hands drop to Regulus' belt and he mumbles a low, "Can I," against his skin.
"Yes," Regulus whispers, the word drawn out. His warm breath hits the shell of James' ear, causing goose bumps to scatter down the back of his neck.
James starts to work on the buckle.
He pulls down the zip on Regulus' trousers and then looks at him.
"Did you cast a locking charm on the door?" He asks.
Regulus nods. "And a silencing spell."
"Good," James murmurs, lowering his hand into Regulus' briefs, "because you're going to need it."
Regulus practically folds forward into James, his forehead gently knocking against James' chin. He dips his own hand into James' boxers and wraps his hand around him. James lets out a soft gasp and then experimentally starts moving his own hand. Regulus copies him, squeezing lightly as he drags his hand languidly up and then down, swirling his thumb.
They share a few lazy kisses as they carry on, but eventually, James' mouth parts as he lets out a loud groan. Their foreheads fall together and James just watches as Regulus unravels before him. There's a small crinkle between his eyebrows that James wants to kiss, and a red mark just beneath his bottom lip where he'd been biting down on it only moments ago.
Once they've finished, James withdraws his hand and grimaces down at it. He pulls out his wand and casts a cleaning charm on his hand, then Regulus', and then on themselves. When he tucks his wand away, he does up the button on his trousers and then reattaches his belt.
When his eyes finally make their way back over to Regulus, he notices he's also tidied himself up and made it look like he hasn't just been undressed in a train compartment. He meets James' eyes and James sends him a small smile that Regulus, thankfully, returns.
"I'm still mad at you," he states, crossing his arms and lifting his chin in that pompous way that James finds adorable.
"Of course, love," James says, smiling wider.
"And we are going to talk more about this later," Regulus adds. "But, for now, we should probably go and find our friends. Mine will tease me if I'm gone for much longer and I imagine yours will wonder if you've gotten lost."
James snorts. "Yeah, probably." He turns to leave, but then hesitates. He spins around again, catching Regulus off-guard, and kisses him once more on the lips. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too."
James pecks him again. "I love you."
Regulus smiles shyly and ducks his head. James grins to himself and leaves the compartment.
When James finds his friends, he is greeted by them all with a tirade of eager hugs. His eyes fall on Lily and images of her crying in his arms after the Diagon Alley attack flash through his mind. She sends him a small smile and pats the empty spot beside her, so he goes to sit there. Remus is on his other side, followed by Sirius. James doesn't miss the way their knees are pressed together. He glances at Peter, who looks at him and raises an eyebrow before pointedly looking towards Remus and Sirius.
James nudges Lily and gestures subtly towards the two boys. She sneaks a peek and her eyes widen almost imperceptibly as she looks back at James.
They spend the first hour talking about their summers. Marlene mentions how she and Mary went on holiday to Italy with her parents back in June. She tells them about the vineyard they visited and how her parents allowed them to sip some of the wine. Apparently, they snuck out of the villa they were staying in once and went to one of the pubs in the town whilst her parents were asleep.
"Then, in July, Bobby and Sybill finally got married," Marlene says. She and Sirius go into a detailed description about the ceremony.
"Did you see the Diagon Alley attack in the Prophet?" Peter asks no one in particular, but Lily and James both still at the words as if the question had been directed at them. They share a look and there's a question in Lily's eyes. Do we tell them?
James thinks back to earlier when Regulus yelled at him for not telling him sooner. He knows he should tell his friends.
"I was there," he tells the compartment, keeping his eyes on the floor as he tries not to remember everything he saw.
"Where?" Mary asks, frowning.
"At Diagon Alley when the attack happened," James responds quietly.
Mary gasps and instantly reaches forward to place a hand on his knee. James glances up at her and almost flinches under the level of worry now on her face. Beside him, Remus is clutching the seat tightly with his hands, his knuckles turning white. Peter and Sirius are both sat in shocked silence.
"So was I," Lily adds.
"Do you mean just on the same day or when it actually happened? Did you leave before the attack?" Marlene questions.
"We were right in the middle of it," Lily continues, clearly noticing how James has frozen. "We're lucky to be alive."
"James," Remus says, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.
James turns to him and stares numbly at him. "There were so many dead. It was like getting a front row seat to the war. It was... absolutely horrible."
He can't help but think his description is an understatement.
"Were you anywhere near the explosions?" Peter asks.
"Yeah, we were right next to it," Lily says almost soundlessly. "Guys, this war... it's worse than we thought. I mean, you don't understand. Not until you're in the middle of it."
Out of the corner of his eye, James watches as Sirius drops one of his hands onto Remus', which is still clutching at the seats. He runs his thumb over the other boy's knuckles.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius speaks up for the first time since the conversation started.
James looks at Lily and then shakes his head. "Not right now. It's still hard to even think about."
"Of course, darling, take your time," Mary says as she squeezes his knee comfortingly. James smiles at her.
At that moment, the door bursts open and in comes a first-year with long, dark hair and green eyes. Someone James has obviously never seen before and assumes is lost. That is until Sirius jumps up from his seat and bursts out a cheery, "Ri-Ri!"
"SIRIUS!" The young girl practically yells before pouncing into Sirius' arms. Sirius laughs and catches the girl. "I've been looking all over for you, dolt."
"Oi," Sirius scolds, tickling the girl. She laughs and shoves him off, pulling away from him. "Don't let nana hear you saying that."
"Nana?" James mouths towards Remus in confusion.
"That's his cousin Miriam," Remus explains. "I met her this summer. She's basically a mini Sirius."
"Oh, excellent, another one," Lily jokingly sighs.
"Everyone, this is Miriam," Sirius announces. "Miriam, that's Mary, Peter, Marlene, Lily, James and you know Remus."
There's a chorus of "heys" and Lily goes to sit beside Peter and Marlene so that there's enough room for Miriam to sit next to her cousin. She plops down between Remus and Sirius and starts swinging her legs.
"So, which house are you hoping to get into?" Mary asks her enthusiastically.
"Mmm, well, maybe Gryffindor because Sirius is in there. Auntie Andy thinks I'm going to be a Slytherin like her," Miriam declares.
"Let's hope not," Peter snorts.
"Hey, don't be mean, she's eleven," Lily scolds, nudging him.
"My sister is a first year, too. Her name is Charlotte, maybe the two of you could be friends," Mary tells her. "She's not here right now because she didn't want me 'babysitting her'."
"I'll look out for her at the sorting ceremony," Miriam promises. "So, which houses are you guys in?"
"Oh, we're all Gryffindors," James says. "But we do have some friends in other houses."
"Are you friends with any Slytherins?" She asks innocently.
"Violetta is a Slytherin. We've been friends with her for a couple of years now," Sirius says. James doesn't miss the way Peter sends him a sly look at the mention of Violetta; he'd forgotten that he told Peter they were secretly dating.
"My ex boyfriend is a Slytherin and we're kind of friends," Mary supplies. "His name's Barty. You might see him if you get into Slytherin."
"More like hear him," Lily mutters.
"He's also friends with Alice, who's another friend of ours in Gryffindor."
"So, you only like two Slytherins?" Miriam raises an eyebrow. "Why do you not hate them?"
"The two houses have had a rivalry for over a thousand years," Marlene explains. "Plus, most Slytherins are mean. I'm sure you won't be if you end up in Slytherin."
"Yeah, one of my band mates is in Slytherin and she's very nice," Lily says.
"You're in a band?" Miriam asks, eyes wide with wonder. Lily nods and Miriam breathes out, "Cool."
Miriam sits with them all the way to Hogwarts. She meets Alice and Frank, who pop their heads in at one point to say hello to everyone. Then, Benji, Xeno and Astro show up. Benji drags Peter away, whilst Xeno and Astro stay. Xeno has apparently met Miriam before, so she seems more comfortable around him.
When they get to Hogwarts, Miriam heads off towards the boats, but not before Mary points out her little sister to her. Miriam grins and thanks her before running off towards Charlotte, who looks shocked as Miriam approaches her and happens to know her name.
The older years get into the carriages and make their way up to the castle. James feels relief flood through him as he steps into the Great Hall again. He loves Hogwarts, it's become a second home to him. He always misses it when he's gone.
McGonagall leads the first years in. They spot Miriam and Charlotte easily, who are standing next to each other and eagerly whispering about something. Sirius and Mary wave at them excitedly like proud parents.
The sorting ceremony lasts for what feels like hours. Charlotte gets into Gryffindor after only thirty seconds of being on the stool. Miriam is one of the final names to be called up, her last name being Swallow.
Sirius waits anxiously beside James, his eyes glued to the front of the hall. He doesn't look very shocked when the hat yells out, "SLYTHERIN!" However, nervousness begins to twist at his features. James can understand why. Miriam is a Muggleborn and she's just gotten into Slytherin. That's a dangerous place to be for a Muggleborn.
James watches as Miriam hurries over to the table on the opposite end of the hall. She sits down between a boy and a girl, both of whom are first years, too. When she tries to talk to the girl, she gets ignored. The boy, however, gives her a friendly smile as he starts up a conversation with her.
Inevitably, James' eyes find Regulus, who isn't looking back at him. He isn't looking at the sorting ceremony either. His eyes are stuck on something a little ways down the Slytherin table. When James follows his gaze, he realises it's Barty. He wonders if he's okay. James knows that Barty doesn't have the best home life.
"I'll have to ask one of the Prefects to make sure she doesn't get bullied over there," Sirius is saying to Remus when James turns back around. "Maybe Stark."
"Or Regulus," Remus recommends quietly.
"Yeah, maybe," Sirius responds, much to James' shock. "I could also get Violetta to keep an eye on her."
"That's a good idea," Remus assures him.
James arrives at the Room of Requirement later that night after Regulus wrote to him in the notebook telling him to meet him there instead of outside Gryffindor Tower. He smiles when he realises Regulus has summoned the same room they were in for Valentine's Day.
Regulus is lying on the bed, his feet crossed at the ankles and his hands flat on his stomach. He glances up at the sound of James, who makes his way over to the bed. He lies down beside his boyfriend and watches as Regulus rolls onto his side.
"I forgot to ask earlier, how did you do on your O.W.Ls?" Regulus says, reaching out to play with the collar of James' shirt.
"I passed everything, all Os and Es. Except for an A in History of Magic and Herbology."
"I got all Os and Es. What did you get in Potions?"
"O," James admits, blushing.
"Of course you did," Regulus smiles, pressing a kiss to the corner of James' lips. "So did I."
"Reg, how come you picked this room?" James asks, curious.
"I was going to ask if you wanted to stay the night," Regulus whispers, eyes already falling shut.
James smiles and brushes a strand of Regulus' hair out of his face. "Let's stay," he says before reaching forward and pulling Regulus into his arms. Regulus goes willingly, pressing his head down against James' chest. Sleep comes soon.
Thursday - 2nd September, 1976
James wakes with a start, his heart racing and his skin clammy with sweat. He'd just had another dream about Harry, only, this time, it wasn't set in a forest but on a street swarmed with rubble and smoke. Harry had been amongst the bodies scattered across the floor.
He tries to catch his breath but finds it difficult as his mind is still stuck on the battle field. It takes him a moment to realise that someone is calling his name.
"James, baby," Regulus whispers, cupping his face. "Are you okay?"
James swallows and inhales another shaky breath. "I- I don't-"
"Hey, it's okay," Regulus promises, rubbing his thumbs tenderly over James' cheekbones. "You're okay. I'm here."
James just nods and curls forwards into Regulus' arms as he realises it was just a dream and he isn't still there. Harry is dead, but he died years ago.
"Was it a Harry dream?" Regulus asks after a few minutes.
James nods. "It was about what happened at Diagon Alley, too."
"Have you been having nightmares about it a lot?"
"Yeah," James croaks, tears slipping down his cheeks.
Regulus wraps his arms around James more tightly and then kisses his hair. "I'm so sorry."
"It isn't your fault," James tells him.
Regulus doesn't reply. He just continues to hold him.
They wake up a second time at five o'clock in the morning, which is when the alarm Regulus must have set begins to go off. They both have to sneak back to their dormitories now; Regulus to avoid his teasing friends and James because his friends don't yet know about him and Regulus, except for Remus.
James manages to make it back to his dormitory without being noticed by any of the other boys. He goes straight into the bathroom to have a shower and then starts getting ready for the day.
At breakfast, he sits between Lily and Peter, who are sitting opposite Sirius and Remus. He watches as the two boys across from him start making up each other's breakfast before switching their plates and sharing small, shy smiles. James thinks he and Peter must have been right; Sirius and Remus have finally figured it out. Either that or they're close to it.
They have Divination first and then James has a free period before break, which he ends up spending with Mary as most of their friends head off to Ancient Runes. They spend the hour catching up properly. Mary tells him how Charlotte spent all summer jumping between excited and nervous about starting Hogwarts.
"How is she fitting in so far?"
"Well, she had Potions first, which is with Slughorn, so I'm sure it went alright," Mary nods hopefully. "She has flying tomorrow, which she's scared about. I think she's worried she'll fall off the broom."
"If she's anything like you on a broom, she just might," James snorts and Mary shoves him.
"Rude boy," she huffs, shaking her head. There's a hint of amusement in her eyes. "She seems to be getting on well with Miriam, and she's made a couple of friends in Gryffindor. I'm just glad she won't be alone."
"Again, if she's anything like you, she'll get along here just fine," James says.
Mary smiles softly. "Thanks, James."
After break, he has double Defence Against the Dark Arts. He knows Sirius, Remus and Marlene are in the same class as him, and grins when he walks into the classroom and finds Reg already sitting at one of the tables. He assumes there isn't a seating plan this year because he's sitting between Barty and Evan.
James takes a seat beside Remus, whilst Sirius and Marlene sit down at the table next to theirs. The classroom begins to fill and it isn't long before their professor enters the classroom. She swoops in through the door, dark robes following her like a living shadow, matching her black hair. When she gets to the front of the classroom, she smiles at them all and trails her eyes across the classroom, taking them all in. Her stance is tall and regal; she reminds James a bit of a warrior.
"Good morning, everyone, my name is Professor Vanity. I will be your Defence Against the Darks Arts teacher this year," she announces, voice rough like she spent the morning making her way through an entire packet of cigarettes.
They spend the first lesson back going through what they will be learning this year. James is disappointed when Professor Vanity tells them they won't be moving onto casting Patronuses until next year because they are behind on too much of the content to learn it yet. This year will be used to catch up on everything they should have already started to learn. James blames it on the fact that they have a new professor each year.
Afterwards, they have lunch and then James has Muggle Studies. Sirius dropped that subject this year, so James sits next to Peter instead. They dive right into the learning in this lesson, which James is relieved about. He loves Muggle Studies so much. Professor Palsley starts teaching them about Muggle literature and gives them a book to read for homework. It's called 'Emma' and is by a Muggle author called Jane Austen.
James has Potions next. He walks into the classroom and smiles when he finds Regulus already sitting at their usual seat. He assumes Slughorn has paired them together again this year and heads off to the back of the classroom. Before he manages to get there though, Sirius approaches Regulus from the other end of the room. James hopes he isn't going over there to provoke him or pull him into another fight like the one they got into at the end of last year. However, he is shocked still when he notices them whispering between themselves. Sirius is now sitting at the table in front of Regulus, leaning over the back of his stool just so he can talk to him.
When he recovers from his surprise at what he's seeing, he carries on walking and approaches the table. Sirius turns around at the sound of his footsteps and smiles up at him.
"Hey, James," he says. "Slughorn partnered you with Regulus again this year, by the way."
James' mouth parts slightly as he hears Regulus' first name fall out of Sirius' mouth instead of his usual disregarding "Black". He blinks and glances at Regulus, raising an eyebrow. Regulus just shrugs and gestures with his head for James to take the seat beside him.
Potions passes slowly as Slughorn starts going on about the holiday he went on over the summer before moving onto the theory work behind a couple of potions they will be brewing in the upcoming lessons. James spends most of the lesson nudging Regulus under the table and trying to pull a smile out of him. It takes about forty minutes before Regulus finally cracks and James grins triumphantly.
Once Potions is over, he and his friends go back up to Gryffindor Tower. Dinner isn't for another couple of hours, so they sit around the common room and mess about instead of doing the homework they have already been assigned.
Around five o'clock, Sirius nudges him and gathers the attention of Remus, Peter and Lily, too. He says he's got something to tell them all and then looks at Remus meaningfully, which makes James think he's about to announce that he and Remus are together.
"Let's go up to the dorm," Sirius says before getting up from his seat on the couch. The Animagus group all follow him up the stairs. When they get up to their dormitory, Sirius instructs them all to sit down. Lily and James make themselves comfortable on his bed, whilst Peter and Remus sit on Sirius', who is standing between the two beds with an anxious expression on his face.
"Sirius, what is it? You're making me worried," Lily speaks up when Sirius doesn't say anything.
"Right," Sirius nods, clearing his throat and fiddling with the bottom of his tie. "Okay, so, I found something out at the end of last year and I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I want to be somewhat open about it. There are a few reasons why. Okay, here it goes... I was adopted." James' eyes widen, Lily just looks confused, whilst Peter gasps. Remus doesn't react at all. "Yeah, I've known about that since I was thirteen, that's not the important part. My mum is actually my cousin and I recently found out who her family is. I realised that I- I have a brother."
James and Peter look at each other, bewildered. He glances at Lily, who looks like she's trying to sort out some sort of equation. Then, clarity fills her features and she gasps.
"Oh my god," she whispers.
Sirius looks at her. "Technically, I'm not Sirius Tonks," he says. "I'm Sirius Black."
"You mean, you're..."
"Wait," James breathes out as it hits him what Sirius is saying. "Who's your brother?" He looks at Remus, as if begging for him to tell him what he's thinking isn't true. There's no fucking way. Not after all these years. Not after everything that's happened. Remus just stares at him with something close to pity in his eyes.
"Regulus," Sirius admits as his eyes fall shut. "We figured it out during that detention we had together last term."
"I can't believe it," Lily says. "After all this time, he's been your brother?"
Sirius nods. "I know," he finally sits down, taking the spot between Remus and Peter. "It's fucking insane. But I'm trying to, I don't know, be a proper brother, and I can't do that if I'm hiding this part of my life from my friends. So, I wanted to tell you guys."
James feels like he's going to be sick.
Regulus is Sirius' brother? They're brothers ?
James is in love with Sirius' brother.
He turns to Lily, who is already watching him with a knowing glimmer in her eyes. She smiles sympathetically at him and grips onto his hand.
Fuck, that means James is going to have to tell Sirius about him and Regulus at some point. He already sort of knew he would have to do that one day, but now it's going to be even harder. He remembers the deal they all made to each other in third year, that they wouldn't date each other's siblings. At the time, Dora had been the only one on the table, and none of them were about to go crushing on a child - that would be weird.
"Does this mean I can't hate him anymore?" Peter asks Sirius, who snorts.
"Yes," Sirius says, somewhat firmly. "You can't go about picking on my little brother, Pete."
"Fucking hell," Peter exhales. "I can't believe he's your brother."
Neither can I, James thinks dejectedly.
That night, he meets Regulus at the room again. It takes him about two seconds before he bursts.
"When were you going to tell me that Sirius is your brother?"
Regulus just blinks slowly in response. Then, unexpectedly, he laughs.
"Of course that idiot couldn't last two fucking days before he started telling every Gryffindor in sight," he grumbles.
"He only told four of us, but, Reg, that isn't the point of this conversation." James marches across the room and places his hands on Regulus' shoulders. "Sirius is your brother."
"True," Regulus replies tonelessly.
"How are you not freaking out more about this?" James almost shrieks.
"Because I've known for three months. Now, I just have to accept it," Regulus shrugs. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"Yeah, you don't ever want to talk about anything," James mumbles to himself.
"What was that?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"Anything else you want to tell me then? Any other secrets?" James asks.
Regulus looks up at the ceiling in thought. Then, "I know you're an Animagus."
James' eyes widen. "How do you know that?"
"Sirius told me," he admits.
"Traitor," James tuts. "So, you figured out my secret then."
"Yeah." Regulus smiles softly. "So, what are you?"
James grins. "What if I show you?" He takes a step back and then another and another. When he transforms, he becomes three times as big as he is when he's a human. He hears as Regulus gasps.
Regulus slowly approaches him, reaching his hand out. James meets him halfway, sticking his head out. Regulus' hand runs down his nose and a small, sweet smile curls its way onto his lips.
"You're beautiful," he whispers.
James nuzzles him in response.
***
Friday - 3rd September, 1976
Barty
Barty's summer was just as terrible as it usually is. The only difference was, this year, his father kept him locked up in his room for the entire three months of summer. Whenever he was allowed out, he was put under the Imperius Curse so that he wouldn't "run for help". The Imperius had always been his father's favourite form of punishment; it was what gave him the utmost control. Barty had always been a bit of a manic child, always bouncing around and falling out of line, never meeting his father's expectations. He couldn't help it though, it's just the way he was born; a little bit crazy and completely careless about it.
His father has a power complex. He likes to dominate over anyone he can, and Barty is his favourite victim.
It's the third day back at Hogwarts now, so he should be feeling better. Usually, he shakes off the Barty he had to be at home as soon as he sees his friends again. It's never very hard with them because they're the exact opposite of his father. They don't care that he's hyper or that he says things before thinking first. They don't want to control or restrain him; they just let him be.
Alice came over to his house near the end of the summer holidays. Barty was so surprised to see her that, at first, he thought he was hallucinating. His father hadn't let him see anyone in months. The only company Barty had was his mother (who kept secretly passing him the letters Evan and his other friends would send him) and his house-elf Winky. If he didn't have those two, he's sure he would have gone insane. And if the loneliness hadn't done it, then the amount of time forced under the Imperius surely would have.
Barty spent most of the summer thinking he wouldn't be allowed back to Hogwarts, convinced his father would refrain him from returning and ever seeing his friends again. But then, Barty managed to get straight Os in his exams, and his father had made a promise. He may have been a cruel man, but he wasn't one to go back on his word.
Barty only allowed himself to feel relief about going back for a few minutes before he curled into himself again. It was the only way he could survive in that house, if he just pretended there was nothing wrong. He had to dissociate and hide himself in his mind, otherwise he would have lost it.
On the train to Hogwarts, he locked himself in one of the bathrooms and didn't bother to go and find his friends. Seeing Alice hadn't helped, so he was still feeling numb. He didn't want his other friends to see him this way, not again. Especially not Evan, because he would worry the most. He always did. That's why Barty only showed Regulus the letter his father had sent him the year before, threatening to pull him from school if he didn't start behaving.
Barty would have to be good this year. He didn't doubt that his father would refuse to allow him to return after Christmas.
He didn't go to the welcome back feast, nor did he go to the dorms. Instead, he spent the night alone in a dingy, old classroom that looked like it hadn't been used for centuries. But Barty was oddly comforted by it. He had gotten used to the isolation over summer and wasn't quite ready to surround himself with people yet.
It wasn't until early the next morning that he finally went to his dormitory. He timed it perfectly so that his friends would be off at breakfast. Barty hadn't eaten for twenty-four hours, but it was fine. He wasn't hungry. He got ready for the day and then went straight to his first lesson, which was Arithmancy. He shared that class with Evan and Regulus.
When the classroom started to fill, his friends joined him. They instantly started asking him questions; Regulus mostly seemed relieved that he was there at all and Evan looked ready to pounce on him. Barty was feeling up for hugs, nor talking, so he ignored them both. Robotically, he pulled out a quill and dipped it in his inkwell before writing down the title for the lesson on a piece of parchment. He blocked out all of the sounds around him and instead focused on what the teacher was telling them. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else existed.
He didn't speak to anyone all day, and when lunch and dinner came around, he went down to the kitchens and ate alone.
It's on their third day back, the second day of lessons, that Barty's solitude is interrupted. He has a free period and has decided he'll go to the library and get a head start on his Herbology homework. He's on his way there when someone walks into his path. He doesn't notice who it is, too busy staring off into space. Instinctively, he steps out of the way and goes to walk around them, but they move with him. They keep doing it every time he attempts to carry on until he realises who it is.
Regulus.
"I'm going to the library," he says, his voice sounding monotonous even to his own ears.
"Where have you been?" Regulus asks, voice sounding strained. "I've been looking for you all over. We need to talk."
"Can't talk. Got to go to the library," Barty replies. He attempts to carry on walking, but, once again, Regulus stops him.
"Barty!" Regulus yells, which causes him to still. His father never yells at him, not even when he's beating him to a pulp. The only time he ever has is when he's sent Barty a howler. Normally, his father speaks lowly - Barty is sure it's supposed to be some intimidation technique. It works.
"Regulus," Barty frowns. "What's wrong?"
Regulus has a distressed expression on his face that makes something pang in Barty's chest, jolting him back to life just like that. He flicks his tongue out of his mouth, which is something he does whenever he's been released from the Imperius Curse to check if he actually has. It's become a bit of a habit as of late. When he can do it, it means he's free from his father's control, even if only for a brief time.
"What the fuck did he do to you?" Regulus croaks, reaching out his hands as if to touch him. Barty knows how much Regulus hates touching other people, but he's also noticed that Regulus tends to dish out physical affection to his friends whenever one of them is upset.
Barty glances around the corridor and notices a pair of students - maybe third years, possibly fourth - passing by.
"We shouldn't talk about this here," he says.
"Do you want to go back to the dorm-"
"Come on," Barty interrupts him, grabbing Regulus' hand and dragging him towards the empty classroom just down the corridor. When they get inside, Barty doesn't release his hand. He's always liked being able to touch Regulus, even if that is weird. It's just, he doesn't get to do it very often because Regulus hates it, so when he does, he revels in it.
"I'm so glad you're here," Regulus says before throwing himself into Barty's arms. It's unexpected and yet he still manages to catch the other boy before they can both go tumbling over. He wraps his arms around Regulus' waist and holds him; it's the first time he realises that he's outgrown the boy.
"Me too," he whispers, squeezing his friend tighter. When they part, Barty tells Regulus all about his summer and how he hadn't quite gotten out of the trance he'd hypnotised himself into until Regulus was yelling at him.
Regulus reacts by threatening Barty's father and promising that he'll add him to "his list". Barty assumes he means that metaphorically.
"Will you come back to the dorm now? Evan is so worried, he hasn't been able to sleep," Regulus tells him, uncharacteristically pragmatic.
"Why hasn't he been sleeping?" Barty frowns.
"He's been worried about you," is all Regulus says, but Barty gets the impression there's more to it. He doesn't question him, knowing that, if Regulus doesn't want to tell him something, then he won't. He's a stubborn, little bastard like that.
"Okay, I'll go back to the dorm," Barty agrees. So, they head there straight away. It isn't a very long walk, as Barty had only gotten to the second floor of the castle on his journey up to the library.
In the Slytherin common room, they run into a small girl, who Barty thinks must be a first year. She instantly leaps up from her seat near the fireplace and rushes over to Regulus, dark hair swishing behind her.
"Well, look who it is," the girl announces, staring at Regulus. When Barty looks at Regulus, he finds him peering down at the girl with annoyance. "It's Mister Frowny." She pouts mockingly at him.
Barty can't help it, he bursts out laughing.
Regulus sends him a betrayed look.
"And who are you?" The girls asks, training her eyes on Barty.
"My name is Barty," he replies. "Nice to meet you."
"Oh, so you're Charlotte's sister's ex-boyfriend," she hums knowingly. "I've heard awful things about you," she smiles.
Barty blinks. "Wait, so, who are you?"
"I'm Miriam Swallow," the girl - Miriam - announces. "Sirius Tonks is my cousin."
Barty's eyes widen as he looks at Regulus. "Oh, so she's like your-"
"Mhm," Regulus responds, looking beyond irritated now. He sends Miriam a fake smile that sort of makes him look like he's constipated. "Well, it was nice to see you, but Barty and I have somewhere to be."
"Oh okay," Miriam says, her smile faltering so slightly that Barty doesn't think Regulus notices. "Bye, Regulus."
"Bye," Regulus throws over his shoulder as he moves towards the stairs that lead to the dormitories. Barty follows him, but spares one last glance Miriam's way, only to notice her frowning down at the floor. Briefly, he wonders if she has any friends.
Evan is pacing when they enter the dormitory. His hair is sticking up at all angles, which tells Barty he's been pulling at it again. He's grown a lot over the summer, enough that Barty has to lift his chin just to make eye contact with him. When he does, he feels his breath catch in his chest. This always happens with Evan. He makes Barty feel like he's being suffocated, but in the best way. Barty doesn't think he's ever had this feeling before, not about anyone. He knows it's because Evan is his best friend - but why doesn't he get this feeling when he looks at Alice?
Evan takes two large strides across the room and scoops Barty up into his arms, holding onto him with the grip of a snake. Barty lets himself settle into Evan's chest and breathes in the scent of him. It manages to calm down three months worth of pain in a matter of seconds.
Whenever Barty is under the Imperius Curse, he loses complete control of his body, but he keeps his mind. So, usually, he tends to distract himself. He buries himself in a memory so that he doesn't have to experience so much of the things happening to him.
It's always Evan who he thinks about when he's lost control because Evan is who he's always felt most free with.
That's how he feels now.
Free.
***
Saturday - 4th September, 1976
Remus
It's the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year. Remus had briefly thought about asking Sirius if he wanted to stay behind and take advantage of the empty dormitory, but then thought better of it. He didn't want to seem too eager, especially because this might just be about the sex for Sirius. (Which, by the way, they did twice more at Sirius' house over the summer.)
Instead, he goes to Hogsmeade with Sirius and James. Ever since Sirius told them that Regulus is his brother, James has been quiet around the dormitory, like he's worried Sirius is going to magically find out just from looking at him that James has been dating his brother for the last year.
So, when they sit around a small table in The Three Broomsticks and no one talks, Remus instantly feels the awkward tension settle over them. He thinks a part of it might be caused by him and Sirius, too.
"Hey, James," Sirius speaks up, causing the two other boys at the table to look at him. "How come you never take that secret hook-up of yours on any Hogsmeade dates?"
"Hook-up ?" James squeaks. "They aren't just a hook-up. I mean, I respect them and you know I love them."
"Yeah, but I don't know their name and 'hook-up' takes less time than saying 'love-of-James'-life'," Sirius chuckles.
James sends a panicked look Remus' way.
With a sigh, Remus says, "Sirius, leave him alone. If you had a secret hook-up, I doubt you'd want anyone asking you a tirade of questions about it."
Sirius gives him a wide-eyed look and Remus can't help the smirk that crosses his face. He bites down on his bottom lip to stop it from growing any bigger. Sirius' cheeks have turned pink.
"Yeah, uh, right," Sirius coughs. "Well, I'll stop then. Anyone want any drinks?" He asks them, standing up from his seat.
When he's gone, James turns to Remus. "Does Sirius have a secret hook-up?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.
"How would I know?" Remus shrugs, hoping he sounds nonchalant.
James narrows his eyes at him and tilts his head, examining him. Eventually, he settles again and says, "Okay."
When Sirius returns, they drink their butterbeers and move onto the subject of Quidditch practices, which Remus tunes out. Instead, he watches as Sirius lights up and starts talking about how excited he is for Miriam to finally get to watch a proper game of Quidditch when the games finally start. Apparently, the first is in October. Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff.
Once they've finished their drinks, they leave the pub and go for a walk around the village instead. They pop into a couple of shops to pass the time, and Sirius gets Peter the sweets he asked for. He wouldn't be able to make it to Honeydukes today because he's on a date with Benji.
They run into Marlene, Lily and Mary outside of one of the second-hand shops. Lily says she's ready to go back to the castle already, which is where the boys were then heading off to.
"We still need to go to a couple of shops, but you can go with this lot if you want," Mary tells her. "Go on, you don't need us dragging you around for another hour."
"Okay," Lily relents as she follows the boys back up the hill towards the castle.
It takes them almost an hour to get back to the common room, and when they get there, they find Charlotte and Miriam sitting on the couch. The entire common room is empty because most students are off at Hogsmeade, and the ones who are too young to go are enjoying the weather whilst it's still warm.
"Miriam," Sirius grins, hurrying over to his cousin. Remus watches fondly as Miriam notices him and jumps up from the couch to hug him.
"I was looking for you!" Miriam announces. "Regulus told me you would probably be in Hogsmeade, but I came to check anyway. Charlotte let me in!"
"You've been speaking to Regulus?" Sirius asks.
"Well, yeah, he's your secret brother," she whispers those last two words. "Which means he's my secret cousin."
Much to Remus' surprise, Sirius laughs. "I suppose you're right."
Miriam beams at him and then her eyes fall on Remus, James and Lily, who are standing just behind Sirius.
"Oh, hello," she exclaims, extricating herself from Sirius' arms. "I think I remember you all... uh... Lily, James, and..." She squints at Remus and then a devilish grin makes it's way onto her face and Remus feels his stomach fall onto the floor. "Sirius' boyfriend."
Remus freezes and glances at Sirius, who looks just as shocked. They stare at each other a moment longer and then both quickly look away at the same time. Remus feels as his cheeks turn red.
"His what ?" Lily half-shouts.
"His boyfriend," Miriam repeats.
"No, he's not my-" Sirius goes to say, but Lily interrupts him.
"What makes you say that?"
"I walked in on them sucking face," Miriam says, grimacing. "I remember because afterwards I had to go and clean my eyeballs with bleach."
"She what ?" James yells, turning to look between Sirius and Remus.
"Miriam!" Sirius scolds. "You promised."
Miriam shrugs. "Yeah but you're both clearly too stupid to work this out for yourselves, so I thought your friends could help."
"Help with what?" Remus questions.
"You and Sirius want to be boyfriends, but you aren't for some reason," Miriam says like it's obvious.
Remus frowns and looks at Sirius. "What?"
"I- I-" Sirius groans. "What do you mean 'what', Moony? She's fucking right, okay? For goodness sake."
"Language," Miriam mumbles and Sirius sends her a deadly look.
Remus takes a step forwards and then another until he's standing right in front of Sirius.
"So, it wasn't just about the stuff for you?" Remus asks him.
"No," Sirius whispers, his eyes sinking shut like he's ashamed of his confession. Remus cups his face and tells him to open his eyes, so Sirius does.
"It was always more to me, Sirius," he says. "It was always everything." Then, he kisses him. Right there, in front of everyone, he kisses him.
Sirius makes a small, surprised noise but then he kisses him back. "You mean it?" He says when they part.
"Of course I do, ti'n noethlymun."
"Aww."
Slowly, they both turn towards the source of the noise and find James, Lily, Miriam and Charlotte watching them.
"Does this mean you two are finally together?" Miriam asks, sounding tired by the entire situation.
Sirius sends Remus a questioning look and Remus nods, "Yeah."
"FINALLY!" Lily shouts. "I've been waiting years for this!"
"How did you know?" Sirius queries, looking confused.
"Oh, I only had to listen to Remus complain about how much he liked you for the last year and a half," James says.
"James!" Remus huffs.
"Sorry," James grimaces.
"Year and a half?" Sirius raises an eyebrow.
"...Maybe," Remus mumbles.
"Hmm," Sirius hums. He wraps a hand around the back of Remus' neck and pulls him closer. Right before their lips touch, he whispers, "Well, I've been waiting three."
"Three ?" Remus asks incredulously.
"I told you I could be patient," Sirius smirks and then he kisses him again.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
ti'n noethlymun = you numpty (Welsh)MENTIONS:
- Regulus is so pissed, but he's also a horny little bugger
- Miriam makes up this whole chapter, she's such an icon
- who guessed Miriam would be a Slytherin? I've had that planned ever since I introduced her character
- James was so confused as to why Sirius was calling Regulus by his proper name hahaha
- Regulus <3
- Emma Vanity - the icon you are <3
- James finally knows about Regulus and Sirius!! This poor guy is on the brink of a mental breakdown
- I feel so bad for Barty :(
- Barty talking about Evan <3
- Miriam is out here doing God's work
- Lily and James are about to throw a wolfstar-themed party
- James was just dropping all of Remus' secretsThe next few updates are going to be every couple of weeks because my exams are coming up. See you guys in May :)
Chapter 77: Sixth Year: Under Pressure
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mentions of a character being disassociated from reality
-brief mention of a character not being able to sleep
-mentions of bullying
-discrimination (Mudblood)
-someone comes out (they get a good reaction)
-semi-explicit sexual content
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It's the terror of knowing what this world is about
~ Queen and David Bowie
Friday - 3rd September, 1976
Regulus
Regulus had been so scared when he got on the train at King's Cross and couldn't find Barty anywhere. After his brief reunion with James - which was much needed after so many months apart - he searched every single train compartment, and even had Evan searching for the boy. He managed to locate Alice eventually, who informed him that Barty had boarded the train with her, but that he wandered off almost immediately after.
That was enough of a relief for Regulus to have some faith.
Barty hadn't shown up to the feast that first night, nor had he gone to the dormitories. Regulus knows that Evan stayed up all night, hoping and waiting for Barty to show up, because when he'd snuck back into the dormitory the next morning after having spent the night with James, Evan was lying in his bed with wide, tired eyes.
He wasn't at breakfast either, which caused Dorcas to start to worry. Even Scarlett had a concerned furrow to her eyebrows. Pandora just sat between Evan and Regulus and comforted them both through their worried haze.
It wasn't until their Arithmancy lesson that they actually finally saw Barty. When they tried to speak to him, he simply ignored them and got on with his work like some sort of robot. There were no emotions on his face, just a haunting blankness that scared Regulus.
What the fuck did his dad do to him?
It isn't until the next day that Regulus decides he's going to have to confront him if he wants Barty's attention. Evan had been up all night worrying and Regulus ended up having to crawl into his bed to comfort him until he eventually passed out from sleep exhaustion.
Regulus knows Barty has a free period right at the end of the day, so he will be able to confront him wherever he ends up. But that's the problem, Regulus doesn't know where he'll be. Which is why he finds himself hiding out of sight just around the corner from the entrance to the Gryffindor common room.
The first of the three boys he's hoping to see that comes along just so happens to be the one he's dreading the most.
Sirius comes bounding up the stairs, whistling a jaunty tune. Sometimes, Regulus forgets they're brothers because they're so different. A couple of students pass Sirius, waving at him, and he grins at them before carrying on.
Regulus pulls his wand out of his pocket and sends a mild stinging hex Sirius' way in hopes of getting his attention. Sirius jumps slightly and looks down at where the spell hit his forearm. Then, he glances up and his eyes meet Regulus', who flicks his head subtly to the side. Sirius notices the gesture and starts walking towards him.
"Regulus, what's wrong?" Sirius asks the moment he rounds the corner. He's standing only a couple of feet away from Regulus because he has no sense of boundaries. Regulus is surprised to find concern written across the other boy's face.
"Why would you think something's wrong?" Regulus blinks.
"Well, for starters, you look like you got no sleep," Sirius says and Regulus huffs as he rolls his eyes. "And secondly, you've got your worried expression on."
Regulus frowns. He wasn't aware Sirius was capable of reading him so well - or at all, really. He works to smooth out his features, not liking the fact that Sirius of all people can so easily sense his mood changes.
"I need to use that magical map of yours," Regulus announces, thinking it better to just get the request over and done with.
Sirius raises an eyebrow. "How do you know about the map?"
"You aren't very good at hiding it. You and your friends are always pulling it out in class," Regulus lies. Well, technically, what he's said is true, but he actually knows about the map because James showed it to him. Regulus can't exactly tell Sirius that though, can he?
"Okay," Sirius responds sceptically. "Why do you need it?" He asks, pulling it out of his back pocket.
"I need to find someone obviously," Regulus replies, rolling his eyes again.
Sirius tuts. "If you aren't going to be nice, you can't use it."
Regulus glares at him. "Sirius."
"Yes, Regulus?" Sirius asks innocently.
He sighs. "Please, can I use the map?"
"Yeah, here you go," Sirius says simply, passing it to him. Regulus stops himself from mumbling something under his breath. He unravels the map and points his wand to it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
"How the fuck do you know the password?" Sirius questions.
"I guessed it," Regulus remarks sarcastically.
"No, really, did one of the other guys tell you about it? Oh, I bet it was Remus during one of your little Prefect outings."
Regulus ignores Sirius' ramblings and starts scouring the map with his eyes. It takes him a while, but eventually he finds Barty making his way up the stairs towards the second floor of the castle. Feeling relieved, Regulus closes the map and passes it back to Sirius with a swift, "Thanks."
"Wait, Regulus," Sirius calls before Regulus can round the corner. "Are you okay?"
Regulus thinks he shouldn't be as confused by that question as he is. It's just, he never expected Sirius Tonks of all people to ever show concern for him, brother or not.
"Yeah," he nods. "I'm fine."
"Okay," Sirius smiles. "Good."
"We should, uh, talk soon," Regulus adds, looking down at the ground. "I spoke to my- our father over the holidays and found out a few things."
"I talked to my parents, too," Sirius tells him. "I'll find you," he waves the map in the air with a small chuckle. Regulus nods once more before hurrying off through the castle.
When Regulus finds Barty, he manages to break through to him, and Barty tells him all about how his father treated him over the summer. Regulus adds the man to his list, which seems to be growing longer by the day. He even convinces Barty to return to the dormitory, which is where they go next.
Evan is inside, pacing and looking even more stressed than he did this morning, if that's even possible. When he notices Barty, he practically jumps across the room and pulls the boy into his arms. If it weren't impossible to apparate within Hogwarts' wards, Regulus would have assumed that's what Evan just did.
He watches as Barty's taut shoulders settle and the scrunch between his eyebrows smooths out; he sinks into Evan's arms and relaxes for, what Regulus assumes is, the first time in months.
Saturday - 18th September, 1976
Regulus is having a stressful day.
His morning started off with him almost getting hexed by Amycus, who was aiming for Barty. He's been trying to punish him for how Barty treated Alecto at the end of last year when she was trying to cosy up to Evan. So far, his attempts have been futile.
Then, at breakfast, he got a letter from his mother. It was nothing too terrible, just a reminder that he accompany Scarlett to and from each of her lessons everyday. It still put a dampen on his mood; everything concerning his mother does.
After breakfast, he heads off towards Ravenclaw's room, the book he stole from Godric's library a few days ago equipped in his bag. He summons a room perfect for studying in and isn't disappointed by the results.
He's been researching Horcruxes ever since he realised that the Dark Lord has made one. The Black family library had absolutely nothing on the subject, except that it was mentioned one time offhandedly in a book about the darkest arts. There was no information surrounding it though, just the name.
It took Regulus a couple of weeks before he could find the time to go to Godric's room and retrieve the book he read last year about Horcruxes. He's read it and reread it half a dozen times since then, and he is sure he was right. His suspicions have been confirmed: Voldemort has made a Horcrux. At least one.
Regulus knows it's possible to make multiple and he would bet his life that Voldemort is the type to think himself capable of making as many as possible. The cocky bastard.
So far, he's found out that there are only three ways to destroy a Horcrux: either with basilisk venom (which is incredibly useless information to Regulus because he has no idea where he would even find a basilisk, let alone how he would acquire it's venom), fiendfyre (again, useless, because everyone knows it's next to impossible to wield it), and the killing curse. The problem with that final option is that casting the killing curse is the action that causes one's soul to split in the first place, and Regulus won't risk that.
He knows how important this is, and he is almost certain he's the only person alive, other than Voldemort himself, who knows about it. Which means he's the only person who might have a chance at getting rid of him. And he would do anything to keep the people he loves safe. Anything. Even if it means risking himself and losing everything else in the process.
Regulus doesn't know much about Voldemort, but he does know that if he's going to figure out where his Horcruxes are located and what they actually are, then he's going to need to get as close to him as possible. He's going to have to become his shadow, something he won't even see coming.
Regulus is going to have to go through with it. He's going to have to become a Death Eater. He seriously doubts he will be able to locate and destroy every single Horcrux (as well as figure out how many there even are) before the year is up.
He's going to have to take the dark mark, which means he's going to lose people along the way. There isn't a single universe that Regulus can imagine where James willingly chooses to date a Death Eater.
He's going to have to say goodbye, if only to save James' life.
The realisation hits him suddenly like being stabbed right in the chest. He lifts his hand and places it over the necklace James got him; he knows James can feel it. He wonders if, one day, this will be the last connection he has to James.
He can't think about that now though. He isn't a Death Eater yet, which means they still have time. When the day comes for him to take his mark, and then for him to show James, he'll accept it and remember that everything he is doing, he's doing it for him. And for Scarlett, Dorcas and Pandora. And Evan and Barty. And even for Sirius.
Regulus was never enough when he was growing up, he knows why now. His mother always wished she had Sirius, her proper heir. He was never enough, not until he found his friends, and not until James showed him that, even though he wasn't the brightest star in the sky, he was the only one he could see.
Regulus hasn't been enough before, but he hopes he will be now. When it counts.
A couple of hours after lunch, Regulus holds Quidditch practice. It's only the second of the year because last weekend he had to hold try-outs for a new Chaser after Rabastan (thankfully) graduated last year.
He was shocked when Dorcas came strolling out onto the pitch, a broom in hand. She had never before expressed any sort of love for the sport in the past, other than that she enjoyed watching matches from time to time.
In the end, it was only Dorcas trying out against two other Chasers; one from second year, who didn't know how to properly throw a Quaffle, and the second from fourth year. That one had been better than the first, but still not excellent. Even Dorcas has some room for improvement, but she was definitely the best competitor, which is why Regulus gave her the empty Chaser position on the team.
Today, he has her practicing primarily with Evan and Mika, the other Chasers on the team, because he needs them to become a unit on the pitch. Luckily, Dorcas and Evan seem to be very in sync, likely because of their years of close friendship, and Evan and Mika are good at working on a team together because they have done for the last couple of years.
Dorcas is a much better fit for the team than Rabastan was, that's for sure. Regulus wishes she had tried out last year instead. When he asked her about it, she had told him that she wanted to focus on her O.W.Ls, but that now there was a spot open on the team, she didn't want to miss her shot.
After practice, Regulus heads off up to the castle, where he's supposed to be meeting Sirius and Astro. He and Sirius met up a day after Regulus borrowed the map to share what they both found out about the months surrounding Sirius' adoption and all of the trials. Regulus was slightly shocked that Andromeda had told Sirius everything, although, he supposed he didn't have the right to be too surprised considering the fact that he didn't know her at all.
He meets Sirius in the dungeons and, together, the two of them make the journey to the kitchens. Astro is waiting just outside the painting of the fruit bowl. He looks confused as Regulus and Sirius round the corner together, probably because Regulus didn't mention that Sirius would be joining them. That, and everyone in the school knows that Regulus and Sirius don't get along and never have.
"Sirius," Astro greets, a curious tone to his voice. He glances at Regulus and arches an eyebrow. "You didn't mention that anyone would be joining us. Also... not to sound too blunt, but don't you guys hate each other?"
Regulus and Sirius look at each other.
"Eh, he's alright," Sirius shrugs.
"He's not completely insufferable," Regulus says.
"Right," Astro frowns. He reaches forward and tickles the pear, which opens up the portrait and allows them into the kitchens. They all take a seat at one of the long tables and are instantly surrounded by a dozen house-elves that are eager to take their orders. Regulus asks for a chicken and sweetcorn sandwich and is surprised when Sirius gets the same.
"Hey, so, how was Alphard doing over the summer?" Regulus asks once their food arrives with a click of one of the elves' fingers.
"Oh, right, you moved in with him this summer, didn't you?" Sirius questions knowingly. "Xeno mentioned it," he adds.
"Yeah," Astro replies, still sending strange looks between Sirius and Regulus. He shakes his head as if to collect his thoughts. "It's odd, his house is so big and I'm used to living in a small cottage barely big enough for two people. I thought he would be too overbearing after everything that happened earlier this year," Astro says, referencing his mother's death, "but he gave me the space I needed, which was good. I think he's been taking the whole thing much harder than I expected he would."
"He loved your mum, didn't he?" Sirius asks, and Regulus almost hits him. Why is he being so blunt?
Surprisingly, Astro doesn't seem upset by the question. He seems to appreciate Sirius' obtuseness.
"Yeah," Astro nods.
"I would be shocked if he wasn't taking it hard. I mean, if I lost Remus, I would be catatonic."
Regulus turns to Sirius. "Wait a minute. Remus?"
"You finally figured out that he likes you back?" Astro adds.
A slow grin curls it's way onto Sirius' face. "Yeah, about two weeks ago now. It probably would've taken us longer if Miriam hadn't announced how oblivious we were being."
Regulus feels the urge to snort at that. Of course, Miriam is the reason Remus and Sirius finally figured out how disgustingly obsessed they are with each other. She's always candid with what she says, not one to dance around the point. It's annoying most of the time because she tends to spend most of her time bothering Regulus if he's in the common room, or even sometimes at the Slytherin table during breakfast. It bothers him because she reads him so well, which is strange because she's only known him for two weeks and she's eleven-years-old.
"Anyway," Sirius waves his hand through the air, dismissing the conversation about him and Remus. "We were talking about our uncle."
Astro opens his mouth to continue talking, but then seems to catch Sirius' words and frowns. "Who?"
"Our uncle," Sirius repeats.
Regulus sighs.
He was hoping Sirius would announce it with a bit more subtlety than that, but never mind. He should have known. Sirius has never been subtle a day in his life.
"Alphard," Regulus clarifies. Astro just turns his bewildered eyes on him, and Regulus supposes it's up to him now to explain. He sends an annoyed look Sirius' way before meeting Astro's eyes again. "Sirius is my brother."
It's only the fifth time he's said it out loud. Once to his friends, once to his father, once to Narcissa, once to James, and now once to Astro. Regulus only ever seems to say it when he's frustrated; it just bursts out of him like the horrible, poisonous truth that it is. A part of him feels bile rise in his throat every time he utters the words. He still doesn't know how he feels about having Sirius Tonks as a brother. He has to admit, it's much less fun than having Sirius as an enemy, but he's also monumentally less bothered by the boy on a daily basis, which means his life is slightly more peaceful.
"What?" Astro gapes.
So, Sirius and Regulus go through the long, arduous story about how fucked up their family tree is. Astro doesn't chime in once, just listening and absorbing all of the information being given to him.
"So," Sirius says, running a hand through his hair, "I guess that makes us cousins, too."
Astro blinks. "Wow."
"What?" Regulus queries.
"Nothing, it's just... two years ago I only had my mum and then I found out I had this massive family, but that most of them were awful people who would likely want me dead if they set eyes on me." He reaches down and picks at his sandwich. "I don't know, it's nice knowing there are more of you that are actually like family," he gestures to Sirius.
Sirius smiles and reaches across the table to place a hand over Astro's arm. "Of course, we're family. You were before I even knew we were cousins."
Astro smiles softly back and then looks over at Regulus. He chuckles. "I can't believe you're brothers. That's probably more crazy than knowing that I'm a Black."
"Yeah, tell me about it," Regulus murmurs, huffing a small laugh of his own.
"So, does this mean that Sirius will be joining our secret cousin meet-ups?" Astro asks.
Regulus turns to Sirius with a raised eyebrow.
"If I'm welcome, then sure, I'd love to," Sirius replies.
The three of them finish off their sandwiches and then spend the next hour or so talking about futile things such as what they think of their new DADA professor and how disappointed they all are by the fact that they won't be learning how to cast a Patronus until next year.
Regulus returns to his common room just as students start leaving the Great Hall after dinner. He's hoping to get up to his dormitory rather than being stopped by any first years who want to ask him questions because he's a Prefect. He just wants his bed, it's been a long day.
Unfortunately, his hopes are destroyed the moment he notices a scuffle taking place on the other side of the common room. He sighs and starts wandering over, knowing it's his job to stop it, and if Scarlett notices that he didn't, she'll tell him off.
As he approaches, he realises it's a group of third year boys surrounding a first year girl. It takes him a moment to notice that the first year is Miriam. Something defensive instantly rises inside of Regulus. It's not that he cares about Miriam, she's just some other student. Except, she's Sirius' cousin, which, technically, means she could count as his cousin, too. That, and she's so small compared to the brutish boys crowding her.
Regulus pulls his wand out and puts on the most intimidating expression he can muster as he marches over to them.
"Excuse me," he calls, causing two of the four boys to look at him. The other two are grabbing onto Miriam's robes. He notices that she fights against them. Her wand is on the floor a couple of feet away from the skirmish, but she's thrashing harshly like a shark and there's a fierce set to her features. One of the boys tugs at her ponytail and she simply growls at him in response.
"What?" One of the boys speaks up. "Don't worry," he smiles when he realises it's Regulus. "She's a Mudblood."
"And a Slytherin," Regulus says, his voice deadly. "Slytherins stick together, they don't torment each other."
"But she's-"
"Yeah, I heard you," Regulus snaps, causing the other two boys to look at him. "Let her go."
"Regulus, it's fine, I've got this," Miriam tells him, her voice sounding strained. "They're just a bunch of wusses whose mummies don't love them enough, so they take it out on perfect people like me."
Regulus has to stop the amused laugh he feels bubbling in his chest from rising up his throat. He swallows it down and glares at the four boys instead, ignoring Miriam's words.
"If you don't let her go, I'll curse you all until your fingers rot off," he punctuates his point by raising his wand. One of the boys, the one who is on the opposite end of Regulus' wand, whimpers and runs away. His friends follow him, dropping Miriam to the floor.
Regulus hears her huff, more bothered by being on the floor than she was scared at being surrounded by four boys almost double her size. He steps forward and picks up her wand, passing it to her. She looks up at him and grumbles something under her breath before snatching her wand from his hand. She gets up from the floor and brushes off her robes.
"Are you okay?" He asks, more gentle than he means to be.
"Yes," she snaps. "I told you, I was handling it. You didn't need to step in like that."
Regulus ignores her. "Does that sort of thing happen a lot?"
Miriam glances away and swallows. When she looks at Regulus again, her eyes show a glimmer of vulnerability for the first time since he approached her. "Don't tell Sirius - he thinks I'm tough. I don't want him to go around threatening every person who so much as looks at me the wrong way."
"Okay," Regulus nods. "I won't tell Sirius."
"Thanks," Miriam mumbles reluctantly.
Regulus smiles fondly down at her. Weirdly, she sort of reminds him of Scarlett.
"Hey, your frown is gone," Miriam points out, grinning now. "Thanks... for defending me. I didn't think you cared."
At her words, Regulus realises he does care. He doesn't know why. He has no reason to care about Miriam, but he does.
He reaches forward to ruffle her hair, which makes her laugh and push him away. "Don't tell Sirius. If he realises I care about something, he'll die of shock."
"Okay," she giggles, fixing her hair.
Regulus starts walking off towards the dormitories, but before he reaches the stairs, he turns and says, "Don't go getting into anymore fights, okay? It's dangerous out there."
Miriam just nods, so Regulus continues up to the dormitories.
When he gets inside, he finds all of his friends up there. Dorcas and Scarlett are sitting beside each other on Barty's bed, whilst Barty and Evan are on Evan's. Barty is laying down and has his head resting against one of Evan's thighs. Regulus can see the blush on Evan's cheeks from all the way over here.
He looks over at his own bed and finds Pandora lying on her stomach, her head propped up and her hands plaiting a few strands of her hair together.
"Oh, look who finally decided to join us," Barty announces before cackling. Regulus is just glad Barty's adjusted to being back at Hogwarts again. There are still days when it takes him a couple of hours after waking up before he's his usual hyper self, but he's definitely improving.
"Where were you? Spending the day with your boyfriend ?" Dorcas mocks as Pandora makes kissing sounds in the background.
"No, actually, I was with Sirius," Regulus says just so he can see the shock on all of their faces.
"I'm never gonna get used to that," Barty declares, sitting up and disappointing Evan if the look on his face is anything to go by. "What were you doing hanging out with him anyway?"
"None of your business," Regulus responds, walking over to his bed. He lays down on his back next to Pandora, who stops plaiting her hair instantly and reaches down to stroke Regulus' hair out of his face. He smiles gently up at her.
"You know," Barty speaks up, dismissing Regulus' rudeness easily. "I wonder how many people in the school are secretly gay."
Regulus and Pandora meet each other's eyes and laugh quietly between themselves because they both know that Barty, though he may not be aware of it yet, is one of those people.
When Regulus glances up at the rest of his friends, he watches Evan roll his eyes, obviously annoyed that Barty is still being just as oblivious as he was four years ago. Scarlett just silently sits next to Dorcas, staring off into space like she didn't even hear what Barty said. When his eyes move over to Dorcas, he notices a conflicted expression on her face. He knows why that's there. She meets his eyes and Regulus nods slowly, silently telling her that it's okay, she can say it.
"Well, I don't know the exact number," she says, her voice much less certain than it usually is, "but I know of at least one."
"Really? Who?" Barty asks stupidly.
Scarlett is watching Dorcas now, her eyes slightly wide like she wasn't expecting this at all. Evan looks curious and Pandora stares knowingly at Dorcas, which doesn't surprise Regulus.
"Me," Dorcas breathes out.
Regulus smiles at her, so incredibly proud of her for coming out to a whole room full of people. As far as he is aware, only he and Pandora knew.
"That makes so much sense," Barty says like he's finally found the missing piece to a puzzle he's been trying to complete for years. "That's why you always get so flustered whenever McKinnon is near you."
"I do not," Dorcas huffs, offended.
"You do," Evan and Pandora say at the same time.
Dorcas looks to Regulus for help.
"Don't look at me. It took me four years to realise I liked a Gryffindor," Regulus murmurs.
"It only took me about a week to realise I liked a Gryffindor," Pandora announces. Suddenly, everyone looks away from Dorcas and starts watching Pandora, waiting for an explanation. Evan is the only person in the room who looks like he already knew about this.
"Who?" Dorcas asks.
"Lily, of course," Pandora smiles. "I've loved her for years."
Regulus almost gasps. He had no idea that Pandora liked- no loved Lily. Regulus wonders if Lily likes Pandora back or not. He knows that she used to like James and, because of that, he's never been very fond of her. But James swore to him that Lily hasn't fancied him in years, which means she could very well like Pandora back.
"I think you two would make a very lovely couple," Dorcas says.
"Thank you," Pandora replies. "And I think you and Marlene would make a wonderful couple, too."
Dorcas' smile drops and she groans before dramatically flopping backwards on Barty's bed. They all burst out laughing at her, even Scarlett.
***
Saturday - 2nd October, 1976
Sirius
"We had our first proper practice this morning," Lily gushes ecstatically. "We've officially got our band."
"That's great," Sirius grins. They're sitting on one of the couches in the common room and Lily has been telling Sirius all about her band for the last hour. Last week, they found their final official member, which Lily was beyond excited about. "When can I come and watch you guys practice?"
"I'll let you know. Right now, we're good, but we need to be brilliant before anyone sees us perform," Lily explains. "Don't worry, you'll be the first person I come to when we're ready."
"I'm honoured," Sirius presses a hand to his chest. Lily laughs and pushes his shoulder. "When do you-"
Before Sirius can finish his sentence, he is interrupted by Remus who approaches the couch and crouches down behind it, leaning his chin on the back. His face is inches away from Sirius', close enough to kiss.
Sirius can't believe that Remus Lupin is his boyfriend. He's been dreaming about this very thing for years and years, and it's finally come true. He was so surprised when Remus admitted to fancying him back, and completely taken aback when James blurted out that it had been a year and a half. He realises he should have known after the summer they just had, but he was an idiot. To be fair, so was Remus, so at least they were idiots together.
The moon is in less than a week, so Remus has been in bed all day whilst the rest of their friends went to Hogsmeade. Lily stayed behind to practice with her band, and Sirius wanted to stay back to make sure Remus was okay.
When Sirius looks down, he realises Remus is still in his pyjamas. There's almost no one in the common room, just a few first and second year students who aren't yet allowed to go to Hogsmeade. Sirius and Remus haven't gone public about their relationship, except to a few select friends. They've spoken about it and Remus has told him that he doesn't want people knowing, not yet. He doesn't want people bothering them about it, not when it's so new, and Sirius can understand that.
"Hey, Remus," Lily smiles, ruffling his hair.
Remus' lips curl upwards in a fond smile. "Hey, Lils. How'd your first ever band practice go?"
"It was absolutely amazing! We play together really well, which is all I could hope for right now," she explains and Remus nods along.
Sirius reaches out to tuck a chunk of hair behind Remus' ear, catching the other boy's attention. Those big, brown eyes fall on him and Sirius feels as his breath catches in his chest. Remus is so fucking beautiful, it isn't fair. Sometimes, Sirius still can't believe Remus chose him. It's nearly been a month now since they officially got together. As annoyed as he was at her at the time, Sirius is just as thankful that Miriam metaphorically banged their heads together and got them to realise their feelings for each other when she did, otherwise they probably would have been stuck in their friends with benefits cycle until one of them got hurt.
"How are you feeling?" Sirius asks softly.
Remus leans into Sirius' hand and hums. "Bored. I want you to come upstairs."
Sirius glances at Lily, who tells him to go, that she needs to go to the library anyway and finish off her Charms essay. Sirius practically jumps over the back of the couch and follows Remus up to the dormitory. As soon as the door is shut, Remus pins him against it, his lips crashing against Sirius' in a brutal kiss.
Sirius has come to realise that Remus gets extra touchy around the full moon, not that you'll find him complaining. Luckily for him, Sirius is the one that Remus always wants to touch.
"You know," Sirius says through a kiss, "if this is what it's going to be like around every full, it might just start being my favourite time of the month."
"I used to hate it, this hungry feeling," Remus says, pulling away slightly. Their noses brush and Sirius has to resist leaning forward to kiss him again. "But now that I have you, it's not so bad."
Sirius pulls Remus forward by his collar and presses their lips together in an open-mouthed kiss. Remus bends slightly and wraps his hands around Sirius' thighs before lifting him up off the floor. Sirius wraps his legs around Remus' hips and lets himself be carried to the closest bed.
"How long until everyone's back?" Remus asks. He drops Sirius down to the bed and hovers above him. Remus keeps one hand in Sirius' hair and the other against the mattress to prop himself up, his lips kiss a trail from Sirius' lips to his collarbone.
"A couple of hours."
Remus looks up at him and grins devilishly, "Perfect."
God, Sirius is so fucked. He's so in love with the boy on top of him that he doesn't know what to do with himself. It's overwhelming, but he doesn't want it to lessen. It's fierce and raw, but it's also soft and gentle.
Remus finishes unbuttoning Sirius' shirt and pulls it away from his frame, leaving Sirius' chest and stomach bare. Remus runs the tip of his nose from Sirius' chest and all the way down to his navel, his breath ghosting over Sirius' skin, causing Sirius to shiver. The urge to close his eyes is almost unbearable, but he wants to watch, so he keeps his eyes open and watches Remus, who is now working Sirius' belt loose.
He keeps his hands in Remus' hair, which is probably one of his favourite parts about Remus. It's always so soft, even after sweaty summer days or rough full moons. Plus, when Sirius pulls it, Remus growls and instantly becomes more rough.
Remus huffs, clearly bothered by how long it's taking him to be rid of Sirius' trousers. Before he knows it, Remus is waving a hand through the air and Sirius' trousers have vanished. His eyes widen at Remus' impressive display of wandless magic, but his surprise is short lived as pleasure instantly overtakes every single one of his cells.
Damn, Remus really knows how to use his mouth.
Over the last few months, Sirius and Remus have learnt each other's bodies. Sirius knows exactly where to touch Remus to get him to unravel, and Remus knows exactly how rough Sirius likes to be handled. Remus knows exactly how to use his tongue and where to place his hands just to get Sirius to see nothing but white.
Remus has also become very accustomed to knowing when Sirius is about to tip over the edge. He pulls away from him and Sirius can't even make himself feel disappointed about not finishing, because he knows what's coming next. Remus pulls his shirt off and then vanishes his pyjama bottoms just like he did with Sirius' trousers. He pulls out his wand and casts a couple of spells that make Sirius squirm. Then, he lies back over him and presses into him.
Sirius gasps as one of Remus' hands lifts his pelvis, causing him to perfectly hit the spot inside of him that makes Sirius go insane. He trails his fingertips up Remus' back, feeling every single dip and dent from his scars. He's kissed every single one of them, tasted each of them, and he wants to do it all over again.
His head tips back when Remus' lips latch onto the hollow part of his neck, biting and sucking, before licking over the abused area. Sirius moans, not caring that they forgot to throw up a silencing spell. Let all of Gryffindor Tower hear him, he doesn't give a shit. Remus Lupin is on top of him - he's never been more proud of anything in his whole life.
When Sirius' body starts to tremble, Remus brings his spare hand down and wraps it around Sirius, making him choke out a startled groan.
"Fuck me, Remus-"
"I already am," Remus laughs.
Sirius is too delirious to laugh back. "Moony. I'm gonna-"
"I know," Remus whispers in his ear. His warm breath tickles, which is the thing that sends Sirius over the edge finally. Remus shortly follows him, pressing his forehead against Sirius' shoulder and moaning into his chest. He presses lazy kisses to Sirius' chest as he comes down from his high.
Remus rolls off of him and lies down beside him. This is Sirius' favourite part. Remus turns onto his side and wraps an arm around Sirius' waist before pulling him into his side. He presses gentle kisses to the claw-like scars on Sirius' shoulder and then nuzzles into the side of his neck, breathing in his scent. Sirius turns his head and softly kisses Remus' forehead. He loops his arms around Remus and starts tracing the scars across his back rhythmically.
Afterwards, they talk about everything on their minds. Remus is the only person, other than his parents, who Sirius has told about his plan to get Regulus out of that horrid house and away from their terrible family. Remus had sounded like he was fully on board to help Sirius in any way that he could when he told him, which was all he could ask for really.
Sirius still doesn't know how he's supposed to save Regulus, he also doesn't know if Regulus even wants to be saved, but he imagines he must. Who wouldn't?
Today, Remus and Sirius talk about the extra project Sirius has been working on since the beginning of the year. It's something McGonagall and Professor Flitwick recommended he take part in after his O.W.L results came through.
"What exactly is it?" Remus asks, squeezing closer.
"They've got me learning a bunch of advanced spells that only a select few Witches and Wizards in all of history have been able to do," Sirius explains. "It's strange - school is actually hard for once."
"You're such a dick," Remus mumbles against his shoulder.
Sirius smirks. "A clever dick."
"Yeah, yeah, we get it. You're smart," Remus lifts his chin and presses a lingering kiss to Sirius' lips. "Now, shut up and show me what you've learnt."
Saturday - 23rd October, 1976
The first Quidditch match of the year is between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, which means Sirius gets the chance to sit in the stands with Miriam. She's been raving about the game for weeks now, excited to be able to finally see a proper match with her own eyes. Sirius has told her loads about the sport ever since she and Elliot found out about the Wizarding World, but he knows hearing about it and actually getting to see it are two very different things.
They sit in the Gryffindor stands, Miriam sits between Sirius and Charlotte. He's glad those two seem to be good friends; he remembers speaking about Miriam to Mary all the way back in third year, and they both hoped Charlotte and Miriam would meet someday.
Sirius still can't believe Miriam is a Slytherin. It sort of makes sense, but she's also a Muggleborn and Sirius isn't sure if there has ever been a Muggleborn Slytherin before. The day after the sorting, Sirius approached Regulus in Potions and asked him if he could look out for her, make sure she wouldn't get bullied for her blood status. He isn't sure if he was surprised or not when Regulus agreed to look out for her.
Sometimes, he thinks he really just didn't know Regulus at all before. Maybe, he still doesn't even now.
"How's Slytherin treating you, Ri-Ri?" He nudges her with his elbow.
"It's great!" She beams up at him. "My dormmates are a bit prudish," she grimaces, "but I don't care about them. I've got Charlotte."
"Are there any Slytherins you do get along with?"
"Not in my year, but Violetta and Dorcas are very nice. So is that Mika girl in Lily's band," Miriam lists off. "Oh! I really like Regulus. He's so grouchy, it's funny."
Sirius raises his eyebrows and lets out a startled laugh. "It almost sounds like he's your favourite."
"Oh, he is," Miriam agrees eagerly. "He always pretends he doesn't want to smile at anything, but sometimes I can see him trying to hold off a grin. It's because I'm so funny obviously."
"Obviously," Sirius chuckles.
"I want to play Quidditch," Miriam announces, changing the subject. "Madam Hooch said we can't until next year, though."
"Yeah, it sucks," Sirius frowns. "You know, Regulus is the Captain of the Slytherin team. You could ask him to give you some flying lessons and he might agree," he suggests. He actually has no idea if Regulus would ever say yes to that, but from what he's heard from Miriam, it sounds like Regulus is able to tolerate her. Which is a feat because Miriam talks as much as Sirius does, if not more.
In the end, Hufflepuff win this game by only ten points. Miriam is disappointed because she had been rooting for Xeno's house, just as Sirius was.
Monday - 25th October, 1976
Sirius loves his Monday timetable. He has Divination first, which is so easy as long as he makes up the most obscure things. Usually, he and Peter spend it messing about, whilst James actually tries to understand it because he's interested in the whole prophecy side of it all.
Next, he has Ancient Runes with Remus. He spends most of the lesson trying to distract Remus, who dutifully ignores him, even when Sirius starts sending him dirty notes. The only indication that proves he read the notes at all are the faint blush rising high on his cheekbones. They have their chairs pushed as close together as possible and Sirius pressed his foot against Remus' when they first sat down, and Remus didn't move away.
After the lesson ends, Remus grabs Sirius' arm and drags him out of the classroom and down the corridor into an alcove hidden behind a tapestry depicting a flattery of nymphs. Sirius follows without question and grins to himself when Remus crowds him back against one of the walls.
"Don't you think we spend too much time inside of alcoves, Moony?" Sirius whispers, letting his breath flutter against the skin of Remus' neck, his lips hovering just over the boy's pulse point.
"No, we don't spend nearly enough time in them," Remus rasps, evidently affected by their proximity. Sirius brushes his lips faintly against Remus' collarbone. Remus uses a hand to raise Sirius' chin until their eyes meet. "You can't do that, we need to be in Defence in less than fifteen minutes."
"Good," Sirius replies, "because I only need ten."
He presses up onto his tiptoes and meets Remus' lips with his own, gasping into the kiss. Remus cradles his face gently, but his lips are entirely unforgiving, harsh enough to bruise. Sirius slides his hands beneath Remus' outer robe and grips onto Remus' bony hips, which jut through the material of his school jumper.
When they do finally have to leave (with only two minutes until their lesson starts - oops), Sirius whines about not wanting to go and Remus starts stressing about how they're going to be late. After running up two sets of stairs, they manage to make it just as Professor Vanity is closing the door. She sends them both one curious look and then smiles to herself before telling them to find their seats.
James sends them both accusing looks as they take their seats at the desk beside his, which, for some reason, he shares with Regulus. Professor Vanity let them sit wherever they wanted at the beginning of the year. Marlene is the only other Gryffindor besides James, Sirius and Remus who is in this class, everyone else is in the other one, and she sits next to Amelia Bones on the table in front of Sirius and Remus'. Barty and Evan are sitting at the table in front of James and Regulus', whilst Dorcas takes the table in front of theirs with Josephine Bletchley.
Sirius wonders why, out of all the people in the class, James chose to sit next to Regulus. He knows they've been partners in Potions for years and that they sit next to each other in their little swot club, but he didn't think that meant they liked each other.
He sends a curious look their way. Regulus must sense his eyes on him because he turns and, when he notices Sirius staring, he raises a questioning eyebrow. Sirius gestures pointedly between the two boys. Regulus glances at James and then at Sirius; there's a flicker so minute in his expression that Sirius almost doesn't catch it. Regulus just shrugs and pulls a face that Sirius manages to decipher as: I don't know, he just sat next to me.
Sirius can't believe he understood what Regulus meant, but as soon as he does, he turns back to the front of the classroom.
Later that evening, Sirius is draped across his bed in their dormitory. James is the only other person in the room because Frank and Peter are out with their girlfriend and boyfriend.
Sirius wishes Remus was here. He's out on rounds with Regulus at the moment.
Sirius sighs loudly.
"What is it? Do you need me to come over there and pretend to be Remus? If you want, I can put one of his jumpers on," James chuckles at his own joke. Sirius rolls onto his stomach and gives James a jokingly unimpressed look, one he's sure Minnie would be proud of if she saw it.
"It wouldn't be the same," Sirius frowns. "I miss him."
"You saw him two hours ago," James points out.
"I wonder what he's doing right now," Sirius muses, resting his chin in one of his hands.
"Probably sharing a cigarette with Regulus," James mumbles under his breath, but Sirius catches it.
"Why would they do that?" Sirius asks.
"Because Remus always smokes on his rounds... and Regulus might, too," James replies slowly, sounding unsure.
"Regulus wouldn't smoke," Sirius says, scandalised. "He's not allowed, he's too young."
"He's literally our age, Sirius," James snorts.
"So!" Sirius gets up from his bed. "He's too young."
James looks like he's struggling to hold in a laugh as he says, "I've got to say, it's weird seeing you go all big brother on him."
"Yeah, well," Sirius doesn't finish his sentence as he locates the map and snatches it off James' nightstand. "I'm going to go and find them and see for myself."
"Yeah, right, you just want an excuse to go and find Remus and drag him away."
"Shut up," Sirius waves him off. "See ya later," he calls over his shoulder. Then, before he leaves, he adds with a smirk, "Don't wait up."
When Sirius opens the map, he notices that Remus and Regulus are only a couple of floors down. He manages to make his way down to them without being caught by Filch or Peeves, thanks to the map. Remus doesn't look surprised to see him; Regulus just looks tired.
"Sirius, we still have a couple of floors to check," Remus tells him.
"Nah, there's no one out. I checked the map. The only thing is there's a group of fourth year Ravenclaws in the kitchens, but I reckon we should just leave them to it." When he looks up at Remus again, he notices he's watching him with wide eyes. It takes Sirius a moment to realise why. "Oh, don't worry, Regulus already knows about the map. Apparently, we don't hide it very well."
"Is that so?" Remus turns to Regulus.
"It is," Regulus replies. "None of you would know subtlety if it slapped you round the face."
"Well, isn't that just lovely," Sirius says, folding the map and shoving it into his pocket. "And on that note, come on, Moony." He grabs Remus' hand and starts pulling him down the corridor. "Bye, Regulus!"
"Sirius, where are we going?" Remus commands, stopping them. "I am not going into a broom cupboard with you."
"Oh, darling Moony, you deserve much better than a dingy broom cupboard," Sirius smiles up at him. "We're going to Godric's."
"Because a dusty, old dungeon is better than a cupboard," Remus remarks sarcastically.
"It has a couch, doesn't it?"
It doesn't take them very long to get there as they're used to the journey by now. They spend an hour down there before they decide to start making their way back up to the dormitory. It won't take them long because they can go through Godric's portrait.
Before they leave, Sirius pulls out the map to double check that there aren't any students still lounging about in the common room. He is relieved when he finds it empty. He's about to close the map when he notices two names written, both standing just outside of the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.
James Potter and Regulus Black.
"Ready to go?" Remus asks from his spot on the couch. He's still doing up his shirt buttons.
Sirius nods distantly and folds up the map. "Hey, let's go the long way. I could do with stretching my legs after that."
Remus chuckles. "Yeah, okay."
Sirius practically sprints up the three sets of stairs between them and Gryffindor Tower. Remus pants as he follows him, but he doesn't tell Sirius to slow down. They usually try to get back to the tower as quick as they can, just in case Peeves appears out of nowhere to make them jump.
They get to the final staircase and the portrait of the Pink Lady comes into his line of vision, but Sirius doesn't see anyone. He walks forward and the rest of the corridor comes into view.
A little ways down, almost completely shrouded in shadows, stands James and Regulus. Sirius has to blink a few times to make sure that what he's seeing is real and not something he's hallucinated.
Regulus is leaning back against the wall and James is pressed up against him, his hands cupping Regulus' face. They're both wearing lazy smiles, something comfortable and familiar, which tells Sirius this isn't something new.
Remus comes up beside him and follows his eyes.
"Oh shit," he whispers.
Sirius just continues to stare, completely confused by what it is he's looking at. As James leans in and presses a kiss (yes, you heard that correctly a KISS ) to Regulus' cheek, Regulus tilts his head to the side. Just like he did in Defence earlier, he seems to sense Sirius' eyes and looks up.
Sirius sees the moment that Regulus realises they've been caught. His hands, which had until then been resting on James' hips, his fingers trailing just under James' pyjama shirt, jolt away from the other boy. Regulus pushes James away and straightens himself, eyes never leaving Sirius.
James must notice them because Sirius hears him gasp.
Shaking himself free of the shocked and bewildered trance he'd fallen into, Sirius starts marching forward. He watches as James gravitates closer to Regulus, as if it's pure instinct to protect him from any possible threats approaching them. James' hand wraps itself around Regulus' and their fingers intertwine, which causes Sirius to stop in his steps. He's only standing a metre away from them now. He thinks Remus may have followed him, though he can't quite bring himself to look away from the two boys in front of him to check.
They all stare at each other for what feels like lifetimes before Regulus finally speaks up.
"Well, go on then. Spit it out, whatever it is you want to say, Sirius." Regulus' voice sounds defensive, like he's expecting Sirius to start yelling at them or something. In truth, he isn't quite sure what he thinks of this. His brain feels all jumbled like a bowl of spaghetti. Because what the fuck? Where did this even come from? He never would have expected... this.
"How long?" He finds himself asking.
James and Regulus look at each other, then Regulus confidently meets Sirius' gaze again. "A year and a half in November."
Sirius blinks and frowns. "Wait... Since when? Do you mean since you realised you liked each other or-"
"Since we've been dating," Regulus confirms.
"Oh," Sirius murmurs, completely lost for words. He had no idea.
Oh.
So, Regulus is the person James has been sneaking around with since fourth year.
"I don't know what to say," Sirius admits.
"Well, it's nothing to do with you, so you don't really need to say anything," Regulus announces.
"Reg," James whispers, lightly scolding.
"Reg?" Sirius raises an eyebrow at his brother.
"Don't even think about it," Regulus grits out.
"Okay, uh, hold on a minute. So, you've been in a relationship since fourth year ?" He directs the question towards James.
"Yeah," James replies cautiously.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Sirius huffs. "You knew I liked Remus for years."
"Well, I couldn't very much tell you that I liked Regulus, could I? You both loathed each other eight months ago."
"Oh my god, you like Regulus," Sirius' eyes widen. "That's- I mean, you like my brother. Woah, that's strange."
"Sirius," Regulus says in that tone that Sirius knows all too well now.
"What? I'm just surprised, okay?" Sirius raises his hands in surrender. He thinks about that diary James had which he used to share messages with the person he was dating. So, that was Regulus. He smirks. "No need to get upset, Starlight."
Regulus pales and then turns betrayed eyes on James. "James."
"I swear I didn't tell him," James promises, his voice desperate. "He found the notebook ages ago."
Regulus tuts. "You're such an idiot."
Much to Sirius surprise, and slight horror, James blushes under the insult.
"Wait, so that means that Regulus is the one you..."
"The one you what?" Remus asks.
"Yeah, the one you what?" Regulus narrows his eyes at James as if he's expecting James to have told Sirius one of his deepest, darkest secrets or something.
"The one he's been in love with for months," Sirius finishes.
Regulus' eyes switch over to look at Sirius. When he looks at James again, his gaze softens slightly. "You told him that?"
"Yeah," James confesses. "He asked me if I did and I couldn't lie about that. I just couldn't."
"Sirius," Regulus says.
"Yeah?"
"Fuck off."
"Erm-" Sirius starts, ready to point out how rude Regulus is being, but is instantly interrupted by the sight of Regulus practically pouncing on James, their lips meeting in a searing kiss.
Sirius gags.
"Moony."
"Yeah?"
"We're gonna fuck off now," he declares before he turns tail and basically runs back down the corridor towards the tower.
He still isn't one-hundred percent sure how he feels about James and Regulus - he can't even believe they're something to have feelings about at all - but he does know that his best friend is in love with his brother. If the look in Regulus' eyes when he was staring at James is anything to go by, then his brother is in love with his best friend, too. And that, well... Sirius can live with that.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Sirius and Regulus <3 I'm so glad they're finally bonding. Also, they literally already have such a classic big brother, little brother dynamic going hehe
- Regulus being a martyr will never not make me cry 😔
- Dorcas is on the Quidditch team! watch out for some Quidditch Dorlene content coming you way ;)
- Sirius just casually telling his brother and cousin that he finally got his man <3
- Regulus is like "bro how do you have no tact?" Meanwhile, Sirius is just dropping this bomb on Astro like "yeah we're cousins too btw :D"
- Miriam has an ego bigger than James and Sirius' combined and I love her for it
- Regulus is in big brother mode and I fucking love it
- DORCAS!! she's such a cutie <3 I love how Barty instantly was just like "OH so you fancy Marlene, makes sense" like, bro... if you can figure that out so fast, why can't you realise your own feelings?
- wolfstar are in their honeymoon phase finally!
- Sirius is also in big brother mode now haha
- SIRIUS KNOWS. not him being upset that James didn't tell him he was in a relationship the moment he got a boyfriend. he's like "bestie, we're supposed to share everything :("
- I know most of you were probably expecting Sirius to be annoyed, but I personally believe in the whole 'Sirius is just happy that his brother and bestie are making each other happy' agenda.Thanks for waiting, guys! I hope this chapter was worth the wait. It's going to be another two weeks before I post another chapter (my exams last until the 17th June - pray for me 😔). See you in a couple of weeks :)
Chapter 78: Sixth Year: Love of My Life
Summary:
This chapter carries on right from last chapter
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief reference to homophobia
-explicit sexual content
-mention of attacks/murder/discrimination
-mention of war
-a character struggles with their sexuality
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When I grow older
I will be there at your side to remind you
How I still love you (I still love you)
~ Queen
Monday - 25th October, 1976
Remus
Remus rushes through the portrait of the Pink Lady right after Sirius. The common room is empty this late at night, so no one is there to watch the way they turn to look at each other before simultaneously bursting into uncontrollable laughter. Sirius leans back against one of the armchairs surrounding the fireplace as he continues to laugh.
Smiling, Remus walks across the room and leans into Sirius. His laughter slows down to a low chuckle as he turns to glance up at Remus, who reaches up to tuck a curl behind Sirius' ear. Sirius watches him with warm eyes.
Remus still can't believe he's allowed to just... reach out and touch. He's been refraining from doing so for so long now that his mind hasn't quite yet wrapped around the fact that he's allowed. His fingers slide into the hair at the nape of Sirius' neck, whilst his thumb dances across Sirius' cheekbone.
"You're getting all moony on me, Moony," Sirius says, grinning.
Remus' smile grows. "You're so gorgeous."
Sirius reaches out and wraps his arms around Remus' waist, drawing him in closer. "Mhm, and what are you gonna do about it?"
Remus uses his other hand to cup Sirius' opposite cheek before pulling him into a kiss. Sirius slides his tongue across the seam of Remus' lips, so he gasps, letting him in. Kissing Sirius is like nothing Remus has ever done before. It feels like lightning is shooting through his veins, electric to the touch. Something that shocks him every time, but burns tantalisingly, ejecting life into him.
Eventually, they head back up to the dormitory, and Sirius crawls into Remus' bed, just as he has every night since they got together. It's been almost two months now and Remus still can't believe it. Sirius Tonks is his boyfriend. And Remus is so in love with him.
The moment they're lying down, Remus wraps an arm around Sirius' waist and pulls him closer, hating even having a foot of space separating them. Sirius snuggles against his chest and lets out a contented humming sound when Remus starts running a hand through his hair.
"Moony?" Sirius whispers.
"Yes, Sirius?"
"You already knew, didn't you?"
Remus looks down at him, already knowing exactly what Sirius is referring to. He sighs and nods.
"Yeah, I knew," he responds eventually, not quite sure how Sirius will react to his confession.
"For how long?" He asks.
"Well, I walked in on James and Regulus snogging on the Astronomy Tower on the night of our birthday party last year," Remus says, grimacing slightly at the memory. "After that, it was pretty hard for them to deny it."
Sirius makes a face but laughs despite it. "I can't believe it. Like, I know they're actually together, but my mind is struggling to accept it. I mean, James is dating my brother." Sirius shakes his head, looking completely perplexed. "Seven months ago, I didn't even know I had a brother."
"You're not gonna get all big brother-y and tell him he can't date Regulus, right?"
"No, of course not," Sirius dismisses that idea immediately and Remus can't help but sigh with relief, glad that Sirius seems to be taking this so well. "They looked happy together, didn't they?"
"Yeah, they did," Remus smiles softly. "I know it's sort of strange, but it also makes so much sense. Honestly, I can't imagine either of them with anyone else."
Sirius appears to turn Remus' words over in his head before speaking again.
"You're right," he mumbles, eyebrows furrowing. "I understand why neither of them said anything to me. I used to be... so awful to Reg, and, for the life of me, I can't think of why. After a while, I think it just became habit to pretend to hate him. And for most of that time, he was James' boyfriend. He used to defend him and I never understood why, but I get it now." Sirius groans and lets out a self-deprecating laugh. "God, I was such a dick."
"You were," Remus agrees, snorting when Sirius gives him a blank look. "But you're not anymore. Sirius from a year ago would have probably yelled at James for dating his 'sworn enemy' and betraying his trust or something just as dramatic."
"Hey!" Sirius taps him lightly on the chest. "I wouldn't have..."
Remus raises an eyebrow.
"Alright, fine, so I might've." Sirius shuffles closer and lies his head on Remus' chest. "But now I'm just happy for them. I'm glad Regulus is dating someone nice. I think the part I'm most surprised about is that he's dating a guy."
"Really? That's surprising?" Remus questions.
"Well, last year, I literally accused him of being homophobic... So, yeah, surprising."
"Well, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but your brother is very gay." Remus chuckles and presses a quick peck to Sirius' head. He listens as Sirius' heart beats faster in his chest at the use of the pet name and smirks smugly to himself.
"At least we've got something to bond over now," Sirius grins.
"So, you're really properly accepting him as your brother then?" Remus asks, curious. Seven months ago, Sirius loathed Regulus and would have done anything to wreak havoc in the boy's life. It's startling listening to him speak so fondly about Regulus now.
"Yeah," Sirius says with unwavering certainty. "He's- I mean, he's my brother. I know we haven't exactly been brotherly to each other in the past, but that wasn't our fault. We were separated and it was awful, but there's nothing we can do about that now. It's in the past. From now on, I'm going to look forward. I'm getting him out of that wretched house and away from that family if it's the last thing I do."
Remus feels an overwhelming amount of fondness rush through him at Sirius' words.
"Have you told him yet?"
"No," Sirius sighs. "I don't know if he even wants to be saved. But, now that I know he's in love with James, it'll be easier to convince him. There's no way the Blacks would ever let their heir be gay, surely."
"I can't imagine they'd be thrilled by the idea," Remus agrees.
"Exactly. Wait... I just remembered - isn't he engaged to Stark?" Sirius frowns.
"Yeah, but she knows about James and Regulus. I'm pretty sure she and Regulus have an agreement - they don't actually plan on marrying each other," Remus explains.
"Oh," Sirius blinks. "Okay. God, Regulus' love life is so confusing. I can't believe I just said that sentence."
Remus laughs.
"And I thought my love life was rough-"
"Hey!" Remus tuts.
"Not anymore, my Moony," Sirius leans up and kisses the bottom of Remus' lips. "But, you have to admit, it was a little rocky there for a minute."
"That's only because you liked me for three bloody years and never thought to mention it," Remus huffs. He still can't believe that either.
"When I realised I had a crush on you, you were arse over tit for Marie," Sirius exclaims a bit too loudly. Frank makes a grumbling noise, so Sirius and Remus remain silent until his snores resume. "Then, when you guys broke up, I was with Jess."
"That's the part I don't get," Remus says. "You say you've liked me since third year - which is insane, by the way - but you were with Jess. For over a year."
"I told you ages ago why Mary set me up with him," Sirius murmurs.
Remus' eyes widen as he remembers. "You were trying to get over someone." When Sirius nods, Remus asks, "Me?"
"Obviously," Sirius rolls his eyes. "It's always only ever been you."
Remus feels his heart melt.
"Is that why you and Jess broke up?"
Sirius flinches, looking slightly uncomfortable. When Remus attempts to withdraw the question, Sirius brushes him off and says it's fine.
"He told me he loved me and I realised he wasn't the person I wanted to hear that from," Sirius admits in a whisper. He glances up warily at Remus, who stares back, unsure what to say. He does love Sirius - he's in love with Sirius - and has done for a long time, but he doesn't know if saying 'I love you' seven weeks into a relationship would make him sound crazy.
"I do, you know," Sirius mumbles, so quietly that, were Remus not a wolf, he wouldn't have heard it.
"What?" Remus breathes.
Sirius sucks in a deep breath and meets his eyes. "I love you," Sirius says, loud enough that Remus couldn't mishear him even if he tried. Not that he would. "I- I am like overwhelmed with love for you. I know that might scare you away or make me sound fucking insane because we haven't even been together for two months yet, but it's just how I feel and I don't want to hide that anymore. I love you so much, I don't know what to do with myself half the time. I'm so in love with you, that the idea of not being able to tell you makes me want to tear my hair out. I just, love you, Moony."
Remus doesn't waste any time pulling Sirius into a kiss. He kisses him like a man who has gone a millennia without a drop of water, and Sirius is a whole fucking waterfall. He kisses him like he's his only source of oxygen; like if he was doing anything else right now, the earth would implode.
"I love you, too," he pants, trying to catch his breath when they part. "I love you so fucking much."
"Oh, thank fuck for that," Sirius wilts with relief. "That was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life."
"That was the easiest thing I've ever done," Remus admits. "I love you, Sirius."
"I love you, Remus," Sirius giggles.
"Say it again."
"Je'taime," Sirius whispers, making Remus almost melt through the mattress.
"Rwy'n dy garu di," Remus murmurs back.
Sirius kisses him again.
Saturday - 30th October, 1976
"Sirius, can you please hurry up," Peter calls through the bathroom door, doing a little dance on the spot, a look of desperation on his face. "I really need to pee."
The bathroom door opens and a plume of opaque steam billows out like it's been caused by a fog machine. Sirius steps out, hair rippling over his shoulders gracefully, eyes rimmed with the dark eyeliner Mary allowed him to borrow.
Remus doesn't even try to hide the way he gapes. He doesn't have to anymore.
Peter jumps into the bathroom, mumbling something about how Sirius always takes way too much time getting ready.
Sirius, who has just spent the last hour and a half in the bathroom, is finally dressed and ready for the party Gryffindor Tower will be throwing soon. It's a joint celebration, both for Sirius' upcoming seventeenth and for Halloween. Sirius is wearing a tight, white t-shirt that falls just above his navel and has the Queen lyric: 'Insatiable an appetite. Wanna try? ' printed across it. He's also wearing the black flared jeans, the ones with white stars on the back pockets, that he purchased over the summer. On top of all that, he's wearing his staple leather jacket.
His hair still looks damp, but his curls look silkier than they usually do after he's washed them. Remus remembers Sirius mentioning something the other day about how Mary taught him some sort of haircare routine thing that would make his hair healthier. Remus wonders if that's why he took even longer getting ready tonight.
Frank and James are lounging on their respective beds; James is reading a book that he borrowed from Lily, while Frank is rushing to finish the Defence essay that he swore he would have done before Sunday (not wanting to have to complete his homework with a hangover).
All of their friends know about Sirius and Remus' relationship, but the rest of the student body doesn't. Mainly because this dynamic between them is still relatively new and Remus doesn't want anything to jeopardize it before it's even properly begun; but also because he's not exactly comfortable being out to the whole school. He isn't like Sirius - he finds it harder to ignore the comments people would throw his way if they knew. He hears what people call Sirius in the corridor whenever he's wearing makeup, and he doesn't think he would be able to handle it as gracefully as his boyfriend does.
However, thankfully, Remus doesn't give a shit what their friends think. So, when he has the sudden urge to walk up to Sirius and touch, he does.
Sirius must sense him coming, he turns just as Remus reaches him. Remus wraps his hands around Sirius' waist, fingers grazing the slither of bare skin that shows as his slightly-cropped shirt rides up, and leans in as close as he can. Sirius curls his hands around Remus' biceps and smiles up at him.
"What do you think about my outfit?" Sirius asks, grinning innocently as if he isn't driving Remus insane. He knows exactly what he's doing, the bastard.
"It's great," Remus murmurs lowly, not wanting James or Frank to hear the way his voice has turned raspy. "It would look better on the floor but-"
"Remus," Sirius scolds him, but his grin widens. He casts a quick glance towards Frank and James, but neither of them seemed to have caught his words. "You better behave yourself tonight, Mister Moon-man. I want to enjoy my party while I can."
"While you can?" Remus raises an eyebrow.
"Before I'm dragged away by some horny wolf-"
"We can hear you, you know?" Frank chimes in. When Remus looks at him, he finds Frank still staring down at his essay, eyebrows raised. His eyes flit up briefly to meet Remus', a knowing look flickering through them, before he looks back down at his parchment.
"Yeah, Sirius, stop being so graphic in front of our friends," Remus says jokingly, earning himself a scoff and a light smack on the shoulder. He smiles and kisses Sirius once on the lips before pulling away. "We should probably get going, the party started like twenty minutes ago and I doubt Regulus is having much fun being surrounded by a bunch of Gryffindors who don't like him."
"Regulus is coming?" Sirius asks, eyes lighting up. Remus will never get used to that.
"Yeah, I invited him," Remus tells him. "Thought since..." he doesn't say 'since you're brothers' because Frank still has no clue, "...well, that you'd want him here."
"Thanks," Sirius says in response.
It was an effort and a half convincing Regulus to come at all, but, in the end, all Remus had to do was promise that no Gryffindors would go about telling the whole castle about his visit to Gryffindor Tower. Remus had assured him that no one would.
James is by their side in a moment, looking far too eager to get to the party. Remus and Sirius share a knowing look before heading for the door. They both know exactly why James is so excited to get downstairs to the common room.
Peter and Frank follow after them and together they make their way to the common room. The girls are waiting near the stairs and yell out a loud, "Happy Birthday!" when Sirius wanders down. He beams and hugs each of them, then Mary passes him a cup full of cider and the party kicks off from there.
It doesn't take them very long to spot Regulus and his friends - Remus told him he could invite them, too, knowing it would make him more comfortable to have people he openly knows there. They are standing near the fireplace, close to a corner that is mostly separate from the rest of the partygoers. Remus can see Dorcas glaring at Marlene from across the room, who seems to be giving as good as she's getting, so Remus doesn't bother trying to interrupt them. Whatever they have going on is between them - he can't be bothered to get involved.
"Regulus," Sirius greets, clearly trying to hide the smile on his face, as if being happy to see his brother is a bad thing. He leans forward conspiratorially and whispers, "I'm not quite sure how to act, since most of the school are under the impression that we despise each other."
Evan watches Sirius with mild amusement and curiosity, like he isn't quite sure what to make of him now that he isn't throwing insults at Regulus from across the corridor. Barty looks a little more defensive, like if Sirius makes one wrong move, he'll start throwing curses at him. Dorcas is too busy glaring at Marlene, Scarlett isn't here (but Remus thinks that has something more to do with her aversion for parties than her dislike for Gryffindors), and Pandora just looks delighted that Sirius and Regulus seem to be getting along.
Regulus rolls his eyes, but a fond smile curls inconspicuously at the corner of his lips.
"We can just pretend that we're friends or something now," Regulus suggests; it looks like it pains him to do so. His eyes jump momentarily to James, who hasn't said a word since they approached the Slytherins and Pandora, but looks pleased by the fleeting attention he's given. "So, what do you guys usually do at Gryffindor parties?"
"You've been to one before, Reg," James speaks up, practically glowing when Regulus turns his eyes on him again. "It's basically the same, we just drink a lot more now."
"Did someone say drinking?" Barty asks, his previous mistrust vanishing and giving way to an eager expression.
Mary makes her way over to them at that moment. She tells Barty she will show him where the drinks are - Remus always forgets that the two of them used to date; they're friends now, which is also sort of odd - and the two of them hurry away. Evan murmurs something about wanting to grab a drink too and follows after them.
"I'm gonna go say hello to Xeno," Dorcas announces before she goes, too, leaving just Remus, Sirius, James, Regulus and Pandora.
"Anyone else want a drink?" James asks the group, eyes immediately jumping to Regulus, who he gives a meaningful look to.
"Regulus does," Pandora says, pushing Regulus lightly. He stumbles and sends her an accusing look before turning to face James. "I'm gonna go find Lily," Pandora declares before skipping off through the common room.
"Reg?" James questions.
"Yeah, let's get a drink," Regulus nods and the two of them leave as well.
"And then there were two," Sirius says with a snort.
"Want to go get drunk and then embarrass ourselves on the dance floor?" Remus suggests, knowing that's exactly what Sirius wants to do.
"You read my mind, Moony," Sirius grins, grabbing his hand and dragging him through the crowd of students.
It takes them a couple of hours before the effects of the alcohol fully start to settle in. By the time Remus is actually drunk enough to not care about the consequences of him dancing in front of the entirety of Gryffindor, everyone else seems to be just as intoxicated. Pandora and Lily are sharing an armchair near the fireplace, both of them much closer to the other than would be considered normal. Remus wonders if there's anything going on between them - he'll have to ask Lily later. Barty is off dancing with Dorcas and - strangely enough - Peter; the three of them look to be doing some routine that they've just made up now. It's weird because usually Peter doesn't like Slytherins - it took him ages to warm up to Violetta.
Speaking of, Violetta is off with Azalia, Marlene and Mary, who are busy having some shot-taking contest near one of the tables at the back of the common room. When Remus searches the room, he finds Frank and Alice with Benji, Xeno and Astro. The five of them look to be debating about something, if their dramatic hand gestures are anything to go by.
Remus just went to change the record to something Sirius specifically recommended, and, of course, Remus obliged because Sirius is the birthday boy and so tonight he gets whatever he wants.
When he turns back to look towards the rest of the common room, he finds Sirius pulling Regulus up from his spot on the couch, where he was sitting next to James, who looks amused by this turn of events. Sirius looks like he's pleading with Regulus to join him.
Eventually, Regulus gives in, which means he must be drunk, otherwise Remus can't imagine he would ever agree to humiliating himself in front of this many people. So, Remus watches as Sirius grabs onto Regulus arms and starts swinging them about as he moves his feet. Regulus tips his head back and groans before he joins in.
Remus wanders over to James, who is watching from the couch, a lazy grin on his drunken face.
"What on earth are we watching right now?" Remus laughs.
"A miracle," James says.
Remus can't help but agree with that.
"You want to join them?" Remus asks.
"Yeah," James agrees eagerly before jumping up from the sofa and jogging over to where Sirius and Regulus are now jumping about. Regulus is laughing at something Sirius has said, his nose scrunched up and his cheeks a sweet pink colour.
Remus' hands find their way to Sirius' hips and he spins him around. Sirius' eyes are wide and surprised until he realises it's Remus who has grabbed him.
"Enjoying your party?" Remus has to yell slightly over the loud music.
"It's the best!" Sirius responds, wrapping his arms around Remus' shoulders. With the alcohol in his system, Remus forgets to care about what everyone else thinks. Sirius leans into him and then turns his head slightly to glance over his shoulder. "Look at them," he says.
Remus does. He peers over Sirius' head and finds James spinning Regulus around clumsily, one of their hands connected. Regulus laughs and James just watches him with the biggest smile on his face.
"They're in love," Remus says, quiet enough so that only Sirius can hear him.
Sirius looks back at him and smiles softly. "Do you think we look like that?"
"Definitely," Remus replies, kissing Sirius' forehead once.
"Not to intrude, but is this what I think it is?" A voice interrupts their moment and when Remus turns to see who it is, he almost scowls.
Sirius turns away from him and directs his grin towards Jess. "Yes," Sirius says, though Remus has no idea what he's saying yes to.
"Oh, Merlin, he finally figured it out!" Jess beams and claps Remus on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. He isn't entirely sure what's going on here. "I told you he would. How long?"
"A couple of months," Sirius answers. He turns back to Remus and must see the confusion on his face because he instantly starts filling him in. "Jess knows about us. He's known since last year."
Remus raises his eyebrows and glances at Jess, who smiles back at him.
"So, you always knew then?" Remus asks, feeling slightly embarrassed as he remembers the way he acted around Jess at that one Christmas Eve party at the Potters'.
"I mean, it was pretty obvious," Jess snorts. "But I'm happy for you two, really. In fact, I have some news of my own."
"Ooh, what is it?" Sirius questions.
"Taylor and I, we're sort of, er, going out now, too," Jess chuckles nervously and scratches the back of his head. "Only since last month, so I guess you guys put your heads on straight before we did."
"That's great," Sirius declares. "I'm happy for you."
"Thanks, Sirius," Jess smiles warmly at him. Remus feels the sudden possessive urge to pull Sirius closer to him, but he doesn't act on it. "Well, I'll leave you guys to it. Happy Birthday, Sirius. Remus," he nods before departing.
"That was nice," Sirius says.
"That was weird," Remus mumbles.
Sirius gives him a look, so Remus reaches out and pulls him closer like he wanted to a moment before. Sirius turns to putty under his fingertips and lets himself be drawn closer.
"You know, I think I've filled up my party quota for the night," Sirius utters, pressing his hands to Remus' shoulders and running them down to his chest. His eyes jump up to meet his. "You wanna...?" He flicks his head towards the stairs that lead to their dorm.
"God, yes," Remus sighs.
They say a quick goodbye to Regulus and James, who are getting a bit too close for such a public place but Remus doesn't think he has enough blood in his brain right now to form a coherent sentence to warn them, and then hurry up to their dorm.
Sirius doesn't waste any time pulling off his clothes the moment they're inside. Remus quickly makes sure that none of their roommates are in the dorm before he casts a locking charm on the door. He strips his clothes off too and is quickly dragged over to his bed by Sirius.
One thing Remus has learned about Sirius since they started having sex - he doesn't like to be handled delicately or too softly. Which is perfect for Remus, especially this close to the full moon when he starts to have urges that are almost impossible to control.
Remus puts those urges to work now as he pins Sirius to the bed, not bothering to be gentle, listening to the giggle Sirius lets out. He lingers over Sirius' body, using one hand to cup Sirius' hip.
"Hands," Remus says, his drunken mind not able to properly ask for what he wants. Sirius seems to understand anyway and lifts his hands towards Remus, wrists pressed together. Biting his lip, Remus wraps one of his large hands around Sirius' joined wrists and pushes them down against the pillow above his head.
Not able to resist him for any longer, Remus leans down and kisses Sirius fervently. It's sloppy and it's messy and it's everything. He casts a wandless and wordless lubrication spell on his hand and drags it down from Sirius' hip. When he presses a finger in and then a second, Sirius' mouth falls open, so Remus trails warm, open-mouthed kisses down his jaw instead. His teeth connect with the skin on Sirius' neck and he bites, feeling as Sirius' squirms and writhes beneath him, letting out incoherent noises every time Remus pumps his fingers or adds another.
"Remus," Sirius moans. His hands wriggle beneath Remus', the one holding them down, and he knows that Sirius wants to touch him. Remus keeps his hands pinned down and he knows it must be torture, but he also knows that Sirius likes this; he likes the teasing, he likes the waiting, the build-up. He likes it when Remus takes charge and does with him whatever he pleases.
"I need you," Sirius whines.
Remus drags his lips down from Sirius' neck - where a bruise is now blooming - to his collar bone. He looks down and pulls out his fingers before positioning himself perfectly. He meets Sirius' eye as he thrusts into him and spots the exact moment that Sirius sees the light. He drops his head back against the pillow, his hair tickling Remus' wrist, and lets out a loud groan.
Remus kisses just under his ear and then his cheek before pressing their foreheads together so he can look right into Sirius' eyes. He loves watching him unravel beneath him, loves the way Sirius responds to every little change in Remus' movements. He's so perfect.
"Fuck- fuck, I love you so much," Sirius half-stutters around a moan.
"I love you, too," Remus responds, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Sirius' mouth. He kisses him back, their tongues entangling like two snakes.
When they're done, Remus wraps himself around Remus, legs tangled together and everything. He holds Sirius' head to his chest and scratches at his scalp, knowing he likes it when Remus does that. Sirius tucks into him and nuzzles against Remus' chest like he's Padfoot instead of Sirius.
"Did you know that Regulus got me a present?" Sirius whispers, his voice sounding hazy like he's almost asleep.
"Really? What did he get you?" Remus asks. He can feel himself drifting, so he quickly reaches to pick up his wand and undoes the locking charm on the door, knowing the boys will want to come up to bed at some point tonight.
"A notebook just like his and James', so I can check on him over the holidays," Sirius murmurs.
"That was really thoughtful of him."
"Yeah, it was, wasn't it?" Sirius sounds like he's smiling. He snuggles closer and lets out a consented sigh. "Night, Moons."
"Night, sweetheart," Remus whispers.
Monday - 8th November, 1976
Remus wakes on the morning after the full moon to the smell of mildew and a rich sort of woody scent, which tells him he must have spent the night in the forest. He's lying on the bed in the shack now, he can tell by the way the mattress below him dips as someone sits down beside him. He feels as a hand, cold but comforting, comes into contact with his forehead, brushing his fringe aside.
His heart begins to beat rapidly in his chest and he hears a small chuckle come from somewhere to his right.
"Morning, Moony," Sirius whispers. Just as Remus blinks his eyes open, Sirius leans down and presses a sweet kiss to his forehead and then his lips. "How are you feeling?"
"Groggy, but okay," Remus responds, sitting up so that he's leaning back against the headboard of the bed. Someone's placed a blanket over his body, conserving his dignity. Not that he would care if Sirius saw him - after all, he's seen and touched every inch of Remus by now - but when he glances over Sirius' shoulder, he finds James, Peter and Lily standing by the door.
"That's good to hear," Sirius says, smiling in a way that causes the skin around his eyes to crinkle.
"Are you guys leaving?" Remus questions as he watches James open the door across the room.
"Yeah, Poppy's due to be here any minute now," James explains. He gives Remus a wide grin and says, "Glad to see you're still in one piece."
"Thanks, Prongs," Remus replies sardonically, a small smirk on his lips. James laughs.
"We'll come by the hospital wing during breakfast, Remus," Lily tells him, coming over to quickly drop a kiss in his hair. She cups the side of his face and stares warmly down at him before turning to Sirius. "Come on, time to go."
Sirius sighs and turns back to Remus. "See you later. I love you." He bends forward for one more kiss and Remus leans into it, savouring every single second of it.
"I love you, too," Remus murmurs as they part.
"Come on, lover-boy," Peter tuts, pulling Sirius by the elbow towards the door.
A couple of hours later, Remus is in the hospital wing. Poppy checked him over an hour or so ago and told him there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, but gave him a couple of potions meant to soothe any joint pain he may feel anyway. He's been told he can leave soon, she just needs to wait for the potions to kick in before dismissing him.
Sirius, Lily, James and Peter come to find him half-an-hour before lessons are due to start. Remus is sitting above the covers on a hospital bed because he knows he won't be staying for much longer, a book in his hand. He had been reading to pass the time, but the moment he spots Sirius, he places the book back down on the table beside his bed.
Sirius rushes over and plops himself down into the empty spot on the bed beside Remus. There's a copy of The Daily Prophet in his hands, but Remus doesn't think much of it as Sirius leans in to kiss him. Lily and James sit down at the end of the bed, whilst Peter slumps down into one of the chairs around them, looking utterly exhausted.
"What did Madam Pomfrey say?" Lily asks him.
"She's going to dismiss me within the hour," Remus tells them, smiling when Sirius slips his hand into his and squeezes. "I'll probably miss first period at this rate, could you let Flitwick know?"
"Of course," Lily answers. "I think we're only doing theory work today anyway, so I can just give you a copy of my notes at lunch."
"Thanks," Remus smiles.
There's silence for a moment and Remus notices as James and Sirius share a serious look (pun not intended). Frowning, Remus asks what's wrong.
"It was..." Sirius sighs and passes him the newspaper that's been in his hands since he arrived. "There was another attack. It was... bad."
Remus braces himself before looking down at the paper and reading. Apparently, the Death Eaters targeted a Muggle hotel and every single inhabitant (guest and staff) were found murdered. There were no survivors. Above the building, there was an image of a skull with a snake slithering out of it's mouth.
"They're officially naming it the Dark Mark," Sirius tells him. "Apparently, they only managed to catch one of the attackers, someone called Francis McFallen, and he had a tattoo on his forearm that looked just like the mark in the sky. He called it his Dark Mark, but wouldn't say much more on the subject."
Remus swallows, eyebrows furrowing, and passes the newspaper back to Sirius, who rolls it up and places it on the bedside table.
"Surely it's a good thing that they discovered the Dark Mark," Remus says and then winces. "I just mean, we can now identify if someone is a Death Eater based on what's on their arm?"
"Maybe," James chimes in, voice lacking any emotion. "But not all of the Death Eaters may have one. None that have been caught in the past have. Our theory," he gestures to himself, Lily, Sirius and Peter, "is that he only gives them to his most loyal followers."
James doesn't have to elaborate on who this mysterious "he" person is. They all know he's talking about Voldemort, or, as the Prophet has coined him, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
"The attacks are getting worse, more risky, with each passing day," Lily says, eyebrows furrowed. She doesn't look as upset as Remus feels; instead, she looks determined. "It's obvious that it's spreading to Hogwarts, so I think we all need to start being very careful who we associate ourselves with. There are students here who's families are getting too tied up in the wrong side of this war. If we're going to win, then we need to have constant vigilance."
"Which families?" Peter asks. It's the first time he's spoken since he got here.
"A lot of the main Pureblood houses are getting involved," Sirius says. He glances at James, who looks frozen. He clenches his jaw and glances down at the bedsheets. "We can't trust anyone, just each other. Only those we'd risk our lives for."
"What about..." James stops himself and glances at Peter, who doesn't know about his and Regulus' relationship. Remus knows that Lily does, James told him. "Your brother," he finishes, looking at Sirius. "We can trust him. He wouldn't- I mean, he's not like that."
"No," Sirius shakes his head. "He isn't like that. We can trust Regulus."
Remus looks at Peter and catches him rolling his eyes, a small scowl on his lips. He never has liked Regulus. Remus just hopes that his dislike won't bias him in the long run. Sirius and Lily are right, they can only trust so many people nowadays, and Remus is one-hundred percent certain that Regulus is one of them.
He glances at Lily, who seems to know exactly what he's thinking. She nods; she, too, trusts Regulus.
Remus just hopes Sirius' plan to get him out of that house, away from that family, works before it's too late. Before Regulus is trapped within the web of destruction and torment that is the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.
***
Tuesday - 16th November, 1976
James
James has an odd sort of day.
Breakfast goes fine, he spends most of it talking with Frank, Sirius, Marlene and Azalia about the Quidditch match they have next weekend. Remus ignores them all completely, falling into conversation with Lily, who doesn't have a care for Quidditch either. Meanwhile, Mary is gossiping with Peter about some guy who she has liked for the past couple of months. However, she hasn't actually dated anyone since she was with Emmeline, so she hasn't acted on it. Peter is trying to convince her to go for it, but Mary just dismisses the idea. Alice is sitting between Frank and Azalia, every now and then contributing to their Quidditch conversation.
James keeps sending glances across the hall, unable to keep his eyes away from Regulus for more than five minutes when they are in the same room. Regulus seems to have the same predicament, his eyes always shooting up to meet James'.
Every now and then, Sirius will nudge him and say, "Keep your head in the game, Captain," a small smirk hidden in the corner of his lips. He knows exactly what James is doing. It's strange having Sirius know about him and Regulus - for many reasons, but mainly because they've put the effort in to hide it from him for so long. He took it much more well than either James or Regulus could have predicted.
James knows that's because Sirius cares about his brother and just wants him to be happy. He loves that Sirius cares. He loves that Regulus has someone like Sirius to care about him.
He has Potions first, which means he gets to spend the first half of his morning with Regulus. It's when he's on his way to the dungeons that his day starts taking an odd turn.
The Potions classroom is just down the corridor, James is walking with Sirius and Remus, whilst Lily and Marlene walk ahead of them. Remus and Sirius are busy mindlessly flirting with each other, quiet enough that only each other and James can hear. He mostly just blocks it out, used to them doing this by now. It's been two and a half months since they finally pulled their heads out of their backsides. James cannot thank Sirius' cousin enough. It was getting painful watching the two of them dance around each other without making any moves.
They are almost at the entrance to their classroom when James is stopped in his path by a boy. James doesn't really recognise him, he seems somewhat familiar, which means he's probably seen him in the corridors before, but he isn't in his year group. He knows they've never spoken, probably never even met, before because he would remember him better than this, he thinks. He usually tends to remember people.
The boy is a bit shorter than him, stocky, but doesn't quite have the build of a Quidditch player, which tells James he definitely doesn't recognise him from the pitch. He's wearing a Ravenclaw tie that clashes with his bright red hair, but goes nicely with his blue eyes. His face is mostly freckles and he has chapped lips, probably from the cold.
"Hello, James," he says when James stops. Sirius and Remus carry on for a couple of steps before they realise James is no longer beside them. He watches them stop and turn, confusion etched into both of their faces.
"Erm, hello?" James says it as a question. "Sorry, who are you?"
"Oh, my name is Ollie," he explains. "Ollie Chaplin. I'm in the year below you and we're in the same Healers' group."
"Oh," James clicks his fingers together. So, that's where he knows him from. "Right, yes, Ollie. Uh, what's up?"
Ollie shuffles from his left foot, to his right, and then back to his left. A blush blooms across his face, growing up from his neck, blotchy on his cheeks. He clears his throat and inhales deeply. (James spots Remus snickering over Ollie's shoulder. When Sirius asks him what he's laughing at, Remus whispers something in his ear and then Sirius is laughing, too.)
"I just wanted to- I mean, I was wondering, would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?" Ollie asks, blinking about fifteen times as he speaks. James wonders if it's his eye twitching or if he's trying not to cry or something. "I know you usually go with your friends, but I just think you're really nice and funny. So, what about it?"
James blinks, still bewildered for the next second, then the one after that, before it hits him.
Ollie is asking him out on a date.
James' eyes widen and he looks over to where Sirius and Remus are now basically falling over themselves with laughter. He sends them both a look, silently begging them to shut up. He glances to his left as he thinks of what to say, knowing he has to let the boy down, but not wanting to be harsh about it. Especially because he decided the right place to do this would be in the middle of the busy corridor right before lessons are about to begin.
His eye catches on a group of students leaning against the wall outside of their Potions classroom, one set of eyes are glued to his.
Regulus and his friends are watching the interaction, each of them looking just as amused as Remus and Sirius are. Regulus, however, looks ready to murder Ollie. His eyes are narrowed ever so slightly, his nostrils flared, and his jaw set. The muscle just above his lips jumps once, then twice, his arms crossed over his chest.
James turns back to Ollie.
"I- uh," he coughs. "Ollie, you seem really sweet and brave for, you know, asking..." James has no idea what he's even saying, all he can focus on right now is that look in Regulus' eyes. That hungry, possessive glare. "But I'm not really seeing anybody right now. I just, I'm trying to focus on my N.E.W.Ts."
"Oh, okay. No, yeah, I understand," Ollie nods repeatedly, shoulders slumping.
"I'm really sorry," James says, giving him a sympathetic smile. "You seem really lovely, I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."
"It's okay, I get it," Ollie says. He sighs. "Guess I should just... go then." He gives James one more, uncomfortable, smile and then turns and walks in the opposite direction to where James is heading.
He exhales slowly and marches over to Remus and Sirius, who are still laughing like two idiots. He shakes his head at them and tells them to shut up before hurrying off towards Potions before he's late.
Regulus is already in the classroom when he arrives. James takes the seat beside him and remains silent for a count of two before he breaks.
"Did you hear all of that?" He asks, desperately hoping that Regulus didn't.
"Yep," Regulus mumbles, staring straight ahead.
"I told him no," James whispers, moving his stool closer as subtly as he can. He slides his hand across the table, pinkie knocking into Regulus', who finally takes his eyes off the front of the classroom and stares down at their hands where they connect. "I would have never said yes."
"You wouldn't have?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"Of course not," James says as sincerely as he can. "I love you, just you. There could never and will never be anyone else, Reg."
Regulus' eyes flick up to meet his, something soft grows in them as he takes in the sincerity on James' face.
"Okay," he finally whispers back.
James wants to kiss him, but he know he can't do that, so instead he presses their legs together and they remain that way for the rest of the lesson.
Two peculiar things happen at lunch.
After Potions, James had his Healers' Course, which was awkward because it meant he had to see Ollie again. James just sent him a single smile and then didn't look his way for the rest of the lesson, feeling too awkward. He spent the hour paired up with Josephine, who informed him that her brother's lycanthropy potion was progressing very well. He was just waiting on permission from the Ministry now to be able to start selling the product.
Then, he had break, which was fine, followed by double Herbology with Sirius. Those two hours were mostly spent mucking about and talking about their match against Slytherin next weekend. Sirius tried to bring up the Ollie thing and James shut him down before he could get more than a few words out about it. He didn't want to even think about it, let alone talk about it.
At lunch, Ollie comes limping into the Great Hall, a few other Ravenclaw students, who James assumes must be his friends, help him along. James frowns to himself. Peter, who found out about the Ollie thing from Remus, notices too.
"Wonder what happened to your boyfriend," Peter snorts, gesturing to the poor Ravenclaw boy.
"He isn't my boyfriend," James grumbles.
"Looks like he's done something to his ankle," Remus says.
"Or someone did something to his ankle," Sirius murmurs, raising a thoughtful eyebrow.
"Wait, what happened?" Violetta asks as she takes a seat between James and Sirius at the Gryffindor table.
"James got asked out on a date earlier by Ollie Chaplin," Sirius explains. "And he said no."
"How come? I thought you were into guys, too," Violetta says, lowering her voice at that second part, knowing that only James' friends know that about him. (Well, his friends and Regulus' friends.)
"Surely, you out of all people know why," Peter chuckles.
Violetta just gives him a bemused look. "What?"
James is confused too for a moment before he remembers that he had inadvertently told Peter over the summer that he was secretly seeing Violetta. He'd forgotten about that. Shit.
Peter gives Violetta a look as if to say, You know, but when she only continues to grow more and more confused, Peter tuts and leans in to whisper in her ear. James can't do anything to stop him. He watches as Violetta's confusion gives way to shock and then disgust. She reels back and practically sneers at Peter.
"I am not dating James Potter," she declares, voice loud enough that the people around them hear it.
Peter frowns and turns to James. "But I thought..."
Violetta turns to him, too. "What is he talking about, Potter?"
"Erm..." James bites down on his bottom lip, unsure of what he's supposed to say. After a minute of Violetta staring at him in that intense, expectant way she does when she's waiting for an answer, he decides the truth is his only logical out to this problem. "Peter sort of assumed that I was going out with someone, and when he guessed if it was you, I didn't say no."
"Why not?" Violetta questions, looking offended by the mere idea that she might date someone like James. Which, okay, ouch. Surely, he isn't that undesirable, right?
"Because the real person I'm dating has to keep it a secret, okay?" He huffs and leans back in his seat, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not just keeping it from you guys for fun. It's serious."
"But," Peter starts, "Sirius is Remus' boyfriend."
James blinks. He stares at Peter's deadpan expression and can't help but laugh at the stupid joke. Sirius joins him and Remus shakes his head like he can't believe Peter just said that.
"So, you really are dating someone?" Violetta asks, a curious glint shining in her eyes.
"Yes and no one can know, not yet. Just know that if I could tell you guys, I would," James explains, hoping they'll understand.
"Is it because it's a guy?" Peter asks. "Is it that they aren't out to their parents? Or is it a girl?"
"It's something like that," James nods, hoping Peter will take his vague response as a hint to just drop the question.
"Okay," Peter says. None of them speak for a couple of minutes as they eat their lunches. Then, "Ooh, do you think your secret lover is the one who hurt Ollie?"
"Ew, Pete, lover ?" Sirius grimaces.
"Well, I assume they're-"
"No, no, no!" Sirius shouts. "I don't need to imagine- James in that position with anyone. Just no."
"Do you reckon Peter's right?" Remus whispers from James' other side.
"About what?"
"That... what was it you called him? Starlight was the one who hurt Ollie?"
"Don't call him that," James groans. "I don't know. I mean, he was there when it happened, so maybe?"
Remus raises his eyebrows and blows out a slow breath. "Damn, I never would've taken him for the jealous type."
"You should see him whenever I mention Lily," James snorts. "He gets jealous really easily."
"Hm, maybe Pete's right then," Remus shrugs.
"Yeah," James mutters, frowning, "maybe."
After lunch, James has Transfiguration and then Defence Against the Dark Arts. Thankfully, both lessons pass by relatively quickly. At the end of Defence, Sirius and Remus go off together, probably to find some old classroom to snog in or something. So, James heads off to Gryffindor Tower with Marlene. He knows that Peter and Benji were using their free period to hang out in the dormitory, so he prays to Merlin that he isn't about to walk in on anything that will scar him for life.
Lily and Mary are lounging in front of the fireplace when they get to the common room; Lily is sitting on an armchair, her legs slung over one of the arms, as she reads a book; Mary is lying on the floor in front of her, painting her nails. Marlene goes over to join them and James heads up to the dormitory after saying a quick hello to the girls.
When James gets up to the dorm, he doesn't find Peter and Benji doing anything suspicious, thank Merlin. He goes straight into the bathroom. He comes out a couple of minutes later and cocks his head to the side when he realises Peter is lying on his bed. He hadn't noticed him before.
James wanders over to him to check if he's sleeping, but then he hears a sniffle and something protective roars inside of him.
"Pete, what's wrong?" James asks, walking around the bed so that he's facing his friend. Peter's face is red and there are wet tear tracks staining his cheeks. His eyes look bluer against the red tint of his eyeballs.
"Nothing, I'm fine, it's nothing," Peter murmurs. When James raises his eyebrows, not believing him for a second, Peter adds, "I'm just being silly."
James sits down on the edge of Peter's bed and tells him to sit up, which he does. He summons some toilet roll from the bathroom and passes it to Peter, who thanks him croakily and then blows his nose.
"Are you going to tell me why you're crying?" James asks, realising he sounds a bit like his mother.
"You'll think I sound stupid," Peter shakes his head.
"Pete," James says, "do you really think I'm going to judge you for crying? Because I would never do that."
Peter smiles, it's a bit wobbly, but James takes it as a win. He sighs and scrubs harshly at his face with his hands.
"Benji and I had sex."
"Okay," James says slowly, nodding. "Did something go wrong or, I mean, are you okay?"
"Yeah, it was... fine," Peter mumbles, eyes stuck on the duvet below him. "It was our first time."
"Really?" James doesn't know why he's surprised about this. It's just, Peter and Benji have been together for three years now, but he knows that doesn't necessarily mean they should or shouldn't have done this before now.
"Yeah, I've been putting it off for months," Peter tells him. He bends his knees and wraps his arms around them, resting his chin on them. His eyes sink shut as he confesses, "I hated it, James."
"You hated it," James repeats, slightly confused.
"Having sex, I hated it. It- I'm so confused because I love Benji, so much, and I know he's been wanting to for a while. I know it's normal for people in relationships to do it, but I just- I don't want to. Every time I even think about it, I feel sick. It's just... not something I want to do," Peter whispers, tears slipping out of his eyes again.
James instantly realises what's happening. Understanding washes over him and he reaches forward to wrap Peter up in a hug.
"It's okay, Pete," he utters comfortingly. "It's going to be okay."
"How do you know that?" Peter cries quietly, shaking beneath James' grasp.
"Because I get it, not personally, but I think I know what you mean," James promises. Peter sniffs again and turns to meet his eyes.
"You know?" He asks.
"I've read about something like this before," James tells him. "Obviously, I might be wrong, but I think what you're referring to is called asexuality."
"What's that?" Peter questions, lifting a hand to wipe at his damp cheeks.
"So, it's when someone is interested in having romantic relationships, but they are not interested in partaking in anything sexual. It just doesn't appeal to them," he shrugs, holding Peter tighter. "I suppose it's sort of similar to how you aren't attracted to girls at all. You're just... not attracted to anything sexual. Sorry, I don't know if that makes any sense."
"No, you- you're right," Peter interrupts, sounding astounded. "You just described exactly how it feels. I've never been able to put it into words before, not even to myself."
"I have a book with a couple chapters on asexuality if you'd like?" James offers.
Peter nods, looking slightly uncertain. "Yeah... yeah, okay."
"Okay?" James double checks, not wanting to push him.
"Okay," Peter says, more assuredly this time.
James smiles at him and pulls him closer to him again. "It's alright, you know, to feel this way. I may not understand it personally, but I understand you. Your feelings are completely valid and I know Benji will get it, too. He loves you, Pete, and just wants you to be happy."
"What if it's a deal breaker for him?" Peter croaks.
"It won't be," James promises. Then, because he knows Peter needs to hear it, "But if it is, then he doesn't care for you the way he should and you deserve someone who will accept every part of you."
Peter remains silent but he buries his head closer into James' chest. After a few minutes, he mumbles, "Thanks, James."
Tonight, when James meets Regulus in the Come and Go room, he doesn't pull him into a kiss like he usually would. Instead, he asks if he was the one who hurt Ollie.
"It's not my fault he's so clumsy," is all Regulus responds with. "I heard he tripped over thin air."
"Reg," James reprimands, trying to use his most serious voice.
"James," Regulus stares blankly back at him.
"Just... don't hurt anyone again, okay? Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to know how jealous you can be-"
"I am not jealous," Regulus huffs, looking more offended than James has ever seen him.
James laughs and pulls Regulus closer to him, he goes willingly, practically melting under James' touch. "No, of course not, love."
And he kisses him.
Saturday - 27th November, 1976
It's the first game of the year for Gryffindor and it just so happens to be against Slytherin, which is a terrible start if you ask James. There are two reasons for this; one, Slytherin have upped their game ever since Regulus became the captain; two, Regulus is on the team, which means James will get distracted easily.
There's also the added fact that Dorcas Meadowes is the newest addition to the Slytherin team, which is unfortunate for them because Marlene has the tendency to let the Slytherin girl distract her, rile her up. James has already given Marlene a speech about how she can't let that happen.
Marlene promises she'll keep her head in the game.
Not ten minutes into the game, Marlene is yelling at Dorcas.
James sighs and gives Sirius a look that translates to, Do you reckon you can hold the fort on your own? Sirius nods in response, yells something to Marlene, who barely listens to him, and flies off across the pitch.
"I see some tension on the pitch," Xeno's voice boom around the stands from the commentator's box. Peter isn't up there with him today, deciding he would rather sit in the stands with Remus for today's match. "Gryffindor's Beater Marlene McKinnon does not seem to be getting along with Slytherin's new Chaser Dorcas Meadowes."
This seems to shake Marlene out of her frustrated haze. She swears loudly at Dorcas, who grins like it was her plan to distract Marlene all along (it probably was). Marlene lets out a growl and soars across the pitch towards where Frank is being surrounded by Evan and Mika, the Quaffle beneath his armpit.
In the end, Gryffindor score nineteen times and Slytherin score eleven, but Regulus catches the Snitch. James doesn't even get the chance to watch him, as he's too busy speeding towards the hoops to get a final goal in. He listens to Xeno's commentary of what's happening, and, by the sounds of it, discovers that Regulus and Azalia are in some sort of race for the Snitch. Regulus, though, wins.
James can't help but feel disappointed, he really wanted this win, but he can't deny that it makes him feel better when he sees Regulus so cheerful. He wanders off to the changing rooms quickly, not interested in giving any sort of Captain-y speeches about how they'll get them next time at the moment.
He takes his time in the shower, scrubbing until his skin is tinged red and washing his hair a total of three times before deciding that it's clean enough.
When he steps out of the shower after having been in there for almost an hour, he expects the changing room to be empty. However, there's one boy left. He's sitting on the bench right beside James' bag of clean clothes, arms crossed over his chest and legs stretched out in front of him.
Regulus glances up when he notices James approaching him. His eyes noticeably drop to James' bare torso - he's only wearing a towel, which is slung around his waist - and linger there for far longer than would be deemed publicly appropriate. James does another visual check of the changing rooms, to make sure they truly are alone in here.
"How come you waited?" James asks.
Regulus shrugs with one shoulder. "I wanted to talk to you."
"About?" James mumbles as he pulls a clean shirt out of his bag. He puts on some underwear first and drops the towel. Regulus' eyes drop with it. He watches as James slips his arms into the arms of his shirt, only doing up the first two buttons, so that it's easier for him to tuck it into his trousers.
Regulus' gaze jumps up from James' chest to his face. "Can you meet me on the fifth floor later instead of in the room?"
James narrows his eyes suspiciously at him. "Okay."
"Don't give me that look," Regulus huffs out a laugh. He stands from his seat on the bench and steps right into James' space. He reaches out wraps his hands around James' waist, fingers slipping teasingly below the waistband of his boxers. "I have a surprise for you."
"Oh, do you now?" James smirks.
"Mhm," Regulus nods. He rises onto his tiptoes and kisses James firmly on the mouth.
"Reg, someone might walk in," James tries to say, but Regulus interrupts him.
"I put a locking charm on the door the moment the last person left," he explains. "It's just you and me in here."
"Oh," James says, kissing him again.
When James tries to slide his hand up Regulus' shirt, he backs away slightly and shakes his head.
"You'll have to wait until later," Regulus whispers.
James groans. "You're such a tease."
James knows that Lily and Scarlett are on Prefect rounds tonight and he already warned Lily that she might see him about, so he doesn't worry about the possibility of being caught. He keeps an eye out for Filch and an ear out for Peeves, but luckily isn't discovered wandering the corridors at the dead of night.
He finds Regulus leant up against a wall beside a statue of Gregory the Smarmy, hiding within the shadows. When he spots James, he pushes away from the wall with one of his feet and starts heading right for him. Instead of saying hello, he grabs James' hand and begins pulling him down the corridor.
"Oh, okay," James says, following behind him. "Uhm, where are we going?"
"I told you, it's a surprise," Regulus throws over his shoulder.
James decides to remain silent, knowing Regulus won't tell him no matter how much he begs. They pass another statue and a few doors, all of which James assumes lead to abandoned classrooms, since he's never come to this floor for a class before. When they reach the door at the end of the corridor, Regulus finally stops.
"Squeaky Clean," he annunciates and the door makes a clicking noise before popping open. Regulus walks inside, so James goes in after him.
James takes in the room before him. It isn't exactly what he had in mind. It looks like a massive bathroom. Toilet cubicles line one of the walls, whilst sinks line the other. In the centre of the room, taking up almost all of the floor space, stands a grand bath. It must be the size of James' whole dormitory at least. Various bronze taps hang above it, each with colourful droplets dripping out of them.
On one of the far windows, there's a mermaid made out of stained glass. She moves her hair out of her face so she can look at them. She bats her eyelashes at them and James' eyes widen in surprise.
He hears Regulus chuckle.
"What is this place?"
"Prefect's bathroom," Regulus shrugs, kicking off his shoes. James' eyes are suddenly on Regulus instead of the flirtatious mermaid. Regulus, who is now pulling his tie off and unbuttoning his trousers.
"Are you...?" James starts, but can't quite seem to find anymore words.
"I ran a bath right before you got here," Regulus explains. "I thought it would be nice for us to relax for a bit."
Regulus pulls his trousers off and finally starts on his shirt buttons. He pauses, however, and turns to James, arching a single eyebrow.
"You know, this is going to get awkward if you don't join me."
James shakes his head once. "Oh, right."
Regulus laughs again as James rushes to get out of his pyjamas. Regulus was still wearing his uniform, which makes James think he must have come here not long after curfew. Once they've both stripped down to their boxers, Regulus walks backwards towards the bath, crooking a finger and signalling for James to follow him. He smirks in that sinful way that makes James want to do anything he tells him to.
Right as they get to the edge of the bath, Regulus sheds his last item of clothing, causing James to still. He realises now that he's never actually seen Regulus completely naked before. He can't exactly be blamed for the way he stares.
Regulus looks like one of the statues from his museum. His skin is as pale as marble, toned like he's been personally carved. His back has been violated, littered with scars, some pink and some white. James wants to kiss each and every one of them, wants to press his love into them and turn them into something other than what they are.
There are moles like stars all over Regulus' body, making James want to map them out like constellations in a sky. His hip bones jut out invitingly, like they're asking for James to grab them or bite them.
Regulus turns and glances over his shoulder, smiling intriguingly. He looks back down at the water and jumps in, causing water to slosh slightly over the edges. He's lost beneath the thick layer of bubbles on top of the water.
James rushes to take his underwear off. Just before he goes to jump in, Regulus resurfaces, his hair stuck to his face. He brushes it away with one hand and then rubs at his eyes. When he blinks his eyes open, they jump to James. He watches him with hooded eyes, taking him in, examining him just like James was doing before.
When his eyes meet James', it's like a pull. So, without further ado, James leaps into the pool-sized bath. He laughs as he resurfaces and finds Regulus staring warmly at him. He's been more affectionate recently, James has noticed. Almost like he's afraid that if he loses his grip on him, James will be gone the next time he reaches out.
He can't tell if this newfound attentiveness is a good or a bad thing.
For now, he chooses to ignore it. He has a naked Regulus Black three feet away from him, that is all he is thinking about right now.
James floats closer to Regulus, whose chin is floating on the surface of the water, making it look like he has a bubble beard. He rises slightly out of the water as James approaches him, wiping his chin free from bubbles. James loops his arms around Regulus' waist and pulls him flush against him. Regulus rests his hands down against James' shoulders.
"You're so beautiful," James says. It's not enough, nowhere near what he means. Regulus is something else. He's the one thing in this universe that James would choose to look at more than anything else; more than the stars and the moon, more than the beginning of spring. He's better than all of that, so much more impressive. In general, just so much more.
Regulus smiles bashfully and knocks their foreheads together. His eyes drift shut and he just looks so settled, like James is his comfort place, and fucking hell he hopes he is. He would love to be Regulus' safe space, his anchor.
"Je suis tellement amoureux de toi," Regulus whispers.
"What did you say?" James asks softly.
Regulus opens his eyes and says, "I want you to kiss me."
So, James does. He reaches down and grabs Regulus' thighs, lifting him so that he can wrap his legs around James' waist, making them eye level. Regulus tangles one of his hands into James' hair and uses the other to grip his back, keeping him steady in the water.
He kisses Regulus in the same way he always does, like it's their first, like it's their last, like it's the only thing worth doing on this planet. It is, in James' opinion. He kisses Regulus until they lose their breath and then he presses them down the column of his throat and across his bare shoulder. Dragging his tongue across his skin with each kiss, soaking in every inch of him.
Regulus drags his hand up James' back, over his shoulder, and starts trailing his nails down James' chest. It makes him shiver, causing goose bumps to rise on his skin. His hands slide to cup Regulus' arse at the same time Regulus wraps his hand around James beneath the water.
Their eyes meet as one of James' fingers slides over Regulus' hole. He jolts slightly, eyes widening with something akin to wonder.
"Sorry," James whispers, going to withdraw his hand.
"No, wait," Regulus reaches out to grab James' arm and directs it back to where it was. "We can... try it."
"You want to?" James raises his eyebrows.
"Yeah, James, I want to," he says, emphasising his point by squeezing James in his hand a bit tighter and dragging his hand up and down.
James lets out a strangled groan and tries to keep his head. He isn't quite sure how to do this because he's obviously never done it before. He presses his finger against Regulus' entrance and pushes it in experimentally, using the water to help him. Regulus does a little jolt again, but he doesn't look uncomfortable, so James carries on until his whole finger is inside him.
"Are you okay?"
Regulus nods. "Yeah, it's... strange."
"Good strange?" James frowns.
"Do it again," Regulus orders, so James withdraws his finger and then pushes it in again.
"What's the verdict?" James asks, making Regulus laugh breathlessly.
"Good strange," he clarifies. James continues to pump his finger in and out, moving in rhythm with Regulus' hand. He adds a second finger when Regulus tells him to, and then another. He still isn't quite sure what he's doing, so he tries a couple of different things and watches Regulus' reactions. When he curls his fingers inside him, Regulus lets out a startled noise that has him gripping tightly at James' hair.
"Fucking hell," Regulus moans. "You- James-"
"Reg?"
"Keep doing it," Regulus practically pants, his forehead pressed into the crook of James' neck as he continues to pump his own hand. James can feel himself starting to unravel, but he wants to wait for Regulus.
As it turns out, Regulus isn't far either. He releases a series of chants for James to carry on, so he does, increasing his pace and watching as Regulus becomes a stuttering mess. His hand moves away from James and instead latches itself onto his arm, nails digging in as he emits a final moan, his body tightening around James' hand.
James pulls his fingers out and feels as his own release comes.
Regulus lifts his head from James' shoulder and narrows his eyes curiously at him. He glances down and then back up at James' face.
"Did you just..."
"Yeah," James mumbles.
"But I wasn't even touching you," Regulus says. Realisation seems to dawn on him. "Did you just finish from watching me?"
"Yeah," James repeats, feeling embarrassed.
Regulus stares at him for a moment and then he's moving forward. He kisses James mercilessly and only pulls back when they're both gasping for air.
"Was it alright?" James asks, wanting to make sure that Regulus wasn't just going along with it because James started it.
"'Alright' doesn't even begin to explain it," Regulus whispers, resting their foreheads together again. "It was amazing."
James grins.
Regulus smiles back and then dips his head to the side, tucking his chin into James' shoulder. He wraps his arms around him and hugs him softly. James holds him right back, burying his face into Regulus' curls and just marvelling over this wonderful boy that he has in his arms.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
je'taime = I love you
Rwy'n dy garu di = I love you
Je suis tellement amoureux de toi = I am so in love with youMENTIONS:
- You guys might be wondering why Sirius is taking the jegulus news so well and my only answer to that is the fact that I genuinely believe he would be fine with it. Especially because he saw them together, happy, and he knows what it means to both of them to have something good in their lives
- Sirius and Regulus dancing together :(
- I know everything seems happy and fluffy now - just know that this is one of the last chapters of this
- I don't know if what's in this chapter counts as smut or not, but just know I didn't plan it. idk what came over me or who possessed me, but it is what it is
- Lily "constant vigilance" Evans. Moody wishes he was her
- Poor Ollie, but also that's Regulus' man so hands off ✋🙄
- I think the talk between Pete and James was really important for two reasons: one, I haven't got a lot of experience with writing asexual characters and I want to change that because it's important to me to represent a diversity of groups; two, I've not written a lot of James and Peter moments in this fic, so I just wanted to write their dynamic :)
- Dorlene Quidditch stuff <333
- again..I don't know what came over me 👀
- James "what's the verdict" Potter 😭 I can'tHey, everyone! I hope you've all had a great couple of weeks and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. It'll be another two weeks before the next chapter, thanks for all being so patient :)
Chapter 79: Sixth Year: You and I
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-explicit sexual content
-underage smoking
-angst
-brief references to war
-someone comes out, sort of
-underage drinking
-brief reference to drugs/past addictionThis chapter is ridiculously long, so I might have missed something. Just let me know if I did :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ooh, you know I never could
Foresee the future years
You know I never could see
Where life was leading me
But will we be together forever?
~ Queen
Saturday - 18th December, 1976
Lily
Lily has always loved winter. When she was younger, she and Petunia used to count down the days until the first of December, whilst the other children were counting down the days until Christmas. During the years where it would snow, Lily and Petunia would make the most of it; making snowmen with carrot noses and their dad's old scarf, and having snowball fights.
Now that she's gotten older, her love for winter hasn't lessened but her reasons for it have changed. Scottish winters are absolutely lethal, which means evenings are usually spent cuddling around the fireplace in the common room with her friends. The snow-capped tower roofs of the castle look like something out of a painting; and the lake, frozen over, glistens under the early morning sun like it's made of glitter.
Snow always makes her think of Pandora and her bright hair, which dazzles like the lake and falls over her shoulders in icy rivulets.
Lily loves winter.
This year, December has drifted passed her as quickly as it arrived, tomorrow everyone will be going home for Christmas, but Lily will still be here. She had been hoping that Pandora would stay behind with her this year, just as she had a couple of years before, but Pandora informed her that she was needed at home. Lily doesn't know why she goes back home, knowing how Pandora's parents treat her. She wonders if it has anything to do with her brother, maybe he wanted to go home for Christmas and Pandora didn't want to be away from him.
Lily is staying behind with Azalia. She was planning to go home originally, but after finding out that Petunia and her stupid husband would be visiting for the holiday, she had changed her mind.
Tonight is the Slug Club's Christmas party. They're allowed to bring dates, so the Gryffindors do what they have done every other year and invite their friends who aren't a part of the club, so that they can join in on the festivities, too.
The girls start getting ready a couple of hours before the party is even set to begin. Mary keeps complaining about how she can't get her eyeliner quite right because she let Sirius borrow her "good pencil", meanwhile Alice and Azalia are busy doing each other's hair; Alice has hers up in an elegant bun, whilst Azalia settles for two French braids. Marlene is in the shower and will probably end up towel drying her hair and leaving it as it is.
Lily is lying down on top of her covers on her bed, staring up at the canopy with a distant gaze. She's going to have to see Severus tonight. She managed to mostly avoid him over the summer - mainly because she kept visiting her friends just so she could get away from Surrey for a little while - and he hasn't tried to bother her at school since they returned. She hopes he finally got the message: she doesn't want to talk to him ever again.
Alice pulls Lily from her thoughts as she sits down on the edge of her bed and asks her if she's alright. Lily sighs and drags herself up to sitting, she runs a hand through her hair, it gets stuck in a knot.
"I'm fine," she replies, trying to smile as she starts pulling the knot in her hair apart. "Just tired, I guess."
"You don't have to talk to him, you know," Alice says, always perceptive. Lily's eyes jump up to meet hers. Alice's eyes are warm, they always are; she's such a kind person. Lily is lucky to have her as a friend. "Come on, let's get you ready." Alice stands and reaches out her hands for Lily to take, which she does with a groan.
"Fine, I'm coming," she grumbles, letting herself be pulled up.
She ends up wearing her hair half-up, half-down, holding it up with an emerald-coloured pin that is spelled to keep your hair in place until you remove it. It's something Sirius got her for her birthday a couple of years ago. She wears a green dress to match it and black tights that sparkle under the light.
Mary compliments her and Lily takes it with a smile, not really feeling it. The dress falls over her shoulders, which are covered in ginger freckles even in the winter. Lily's never really liked that part of herself, she wishes she had smooth skin like Mary and Alice, or tanned skin like Marlene.
The other girls are dressed up just as much as Lily is. Marlene is wearing Muggle dress trousers, a fancy blue blouse that brings out her eyes and is held in place by white suspenders; just as Lily suspected, she's left her hair to dry on it's own, leaving it looking slightly messier than usual, but still nowhere near as bad as James' usually is. Azalia is wearing an outfit similar to Marlene's, except instead of a blouse, she's wearing a men's red dress shirt that she must have borrowed from one of the boys because Lily has never seen it before; she's paired it with a black bowtie instead of suspenders like Marlene.
Alice and Mary are both wearing dresses like Lily; Alice's is lilac, the skirt flounces out like an umbrella, whilst the top sort of reminds Lily of a corset. The sleeves are long enough that they fall past her wrists, diamonding out over the backs of her hands. Mary's dress is a subtle pink, long and tight, accentuating every one of her curves, and wrapped around her shoulders with spaghetti-string sleeves.
They find the boys already waiting for them in the common room. Frank and Peter are the only two in proper Wizard robes, while James, Sirius and Remus have opted for Muggle suits. They turn to greet the girls, Frank instantly pulling Alice closer to him, Marlene and Azalia going over to Remus and Sirius, each complimenting each other's outfits. Lily overhears Azalia thanking Sirius for lending her his shirt.
Lily goes over to James and links her arm through his as they make their way towards the portrait.
"You look great," James tells her, beaming from behind his glasses. "Honestly, leave some beauty for the rest of us, Lils."
"Oh, shut up," she rolls her eyes, but finds herself smiling. "Should I tell Regulus that you've been off calling other people beautiful?" Lily smirks and raises an amused eyebrow.
"Ha ha," James says sarcastically. "I think if you did that, he'd probably kill me."
Lily laughs, throwing her head back, her earrings dangle against her neck. She's known about James and Regulus for a long time, ever since the beginning of second year. It was almost strange hearing the truth come right out of James' mouth over the summer after he finally confessed to her that he and Regulus were dating. Now, Remus and Sirius are together, too, and Lily is so incredibly happy for them, but she can't help but feel slightly left out. She's never dated anyone before. The closest she's gotten to that was when James kissed her four years ago, and that was entirely platonic.
She wishes she had the guts to tell Pandora how she feels for her, but she doesn't. Some Gryffindor she is.
When they arrive to Slughorn's chambers, James parts from her, saying he's going to go and fetch a drink. After a quick glance, Lily finds Regulus standing by the drinks table. She snorts and shakes her head at James' lack of subtlety.
She looks away from Regulus and her eyes land on Pandora instantly, almost like she could sense her before even knowing where she was. Pandora is standing on the opposite side of the room with Xeno, Astro and Scarlett. She's laughing at something Xeno has just said, her nose scrunching and her eyes squinting in that adorable way they do when she's happy. The dress she's wearing is light green and silky, rippling off her like a waterfall. The sleeves fall around her shoulders, made of thin fabric that allows the bronze colour of her skin seep through it.
As if sensing her right back, Pandora turns and catches her eye. Her gaze drags down over Lily's outfit, right down to her shoes, a smile gracing her face. When she meets Lily's eyes again, her smile grows into a grin and she says something to Scarlett before walking away from her group of friends and towards Lily.
Lily feels as her heart starts pounding in her chest and is half-convinced she's having a heart attack for a moment. Then, Pandora catches up to her and wraps her up in a tight hug, arms around Lily's shoulders, hair in her face. She smells like honeysuckle and fresh flowers, sweet and welcoming.
Pandora pulls away, but not completely, her hands still settled on Lily's bare shoulders, thumbs slowly gliding over her freckles in a way that make goose bumps rise on Lily's skin.
"Hello, beautiful," Pandora says simply as if she doesn't nearly drive Lily to insanity every single time she calls her that. "Wow, you look..."
"I look?" Lily chuckles.
Pandora's eyes widen fractionally, her eyelashes fluttering. She swallows and smiles again, hands sliding down Lily's arms until they fall away completely.
"You look lovely," Pandora settles on and Lily can't help but feel slightly disappointed when she glances away from her.
"So do you," she says, trying to make it sound nonchalant. She isn't sure if she succeeds, especially when Pandora's lips curl up into a small smirk.
They wander across the room and join Xeno, Astro and Scarlett again. Lily ends up falling into conversation with Scarlett, who she has grown to like after spending a dozen or so nights on rounds together over the last year and a half. They talk about the Muggle world, which Scarlett seems to be fascinated by. She chimes in a few times with little anecdotes, things she's learnt over the years, some of which are completely incorrect.
"I would really love to go to a museum one day," Scarlett tells her, eyes alight with interest. "I don't know a lot about Muggle art, but from what I've heard it sounds interesting. Regulus told me that Muggle paintings don't move, is that true?"
"Yeah," Lily nods. Then, "Wait, how does Regulus know?"
"I'm not sure," Scarlett responds, a furrow between her eyebrows. "He knows a lot about Muggle art, though, so I imagine he's probably been to a museum before. I am not sure when he would have gotten the chance to do so, but he is clever, so I don't doubt that he would have found a way."
The conversation soon moves onto Politics, which is something Lily started taking back in fifth year, just like James with his Healers' Course. She doesn't regret taking the subject exactly, but it is a bit repetitive and that can make it boring. In spite of this, Scarlett goes on and on about it for the next twenty minutes, apparently not sharing Lily's opinions on the subject.
"Scarlett, are you talking about the Rappaport's law again?" Pandora asks the girl, jumping in like a saving angel. "Poor Lily looks like she's about to fall into a coma from boredom."
"It is not boring," Scarlett tuts, looking unimpressed. "Besides, it's important to know about."
"Then you'll have to tell us about it some other time because Slughorn's just announced dinner," Pandora tells her before looping her arm through Lily's and dragging her away. She sends her a wide-eyed look and snorts. "You're welcome."
"Thanks," Lily sighs. "I like Scarlett, but god. I swear, she's the only person who actually knows the proper name for the Muggle and Wizard segregation legislation."
"She's just keen is all," Pandora shrugs. "At least her heart's in the right place; we could do with someone like her in the Wizengamot."
"True," Lily agrees.
They take their seats at the long table Slughorn has summoned. Lily ends up between Pandora and James, who is sitting beside Regulus. The two pretend to ignore each other, but Lily notices the way James eats with only one of his hands throughout the meal. So does Regulus.
After dinner, the night passes quickly. Before she knows it, Slughorn is swaying on the spot, drunk off his rocker and saying good night to everyone. Lily, who is now sitting with Mary and Azalia on one of the couches scattered around the room, stands from her seat. She searches the room for Pandora, but before she can find her, there's a tap on her shoulder.
"Pan," Lily smiles brightly. "I was just looking for you."
"I know, I just came to say good night. I'm not sure if I'll see you before I go home tomorrow, so Merry Christmas." Pandora pulls Lily into their second hug of the evening. Lily squeezes her back, ignoring the way Mary is watching her with knowing eyes. As they pull away from each other, Pandora kisses Lily softly on the cheek. She feels herself blush and smiles bashfully back at the girl.
"Merry Christmas," Lily whispers back as Pandora starts walking away from her. She sighs to herself, wishing she had the guts to call her back and tell her everything.
Sunday - 19th December, 1976
Lily is awoken the next morning by Marlene, who whacks her in the face with a pillow. She jolts awake and sits up, almost headbutting the other girl. She rubs at her eyes and instantly regrets it as she remembers not wiping off her mascara the night before.
"What are you hitting me for?" She grumbles.
"We're leaving in fifteen minutes to catch the train and thought you might wanna say goodbye," Marlene says in a tone that suggests that was obvious. She throws the pillow in her hand across the room, it lands on the end of her bed, crumpled and pathetic-looking. She turns back to Lily and grimaces. "You look like a raccoon."
Lily rolls her eyes and gets up out of her bed. She crosses the room and enters the bathroom, where Mary is simultaneously applying lip gloss whilst packing her toiletry things away. When she notices Lily's mascara-stained face, she passes her a makeup wipe, which Lily accepts with a thank you.
"How come you never go home for Christmas anymore, Lils?" Mary asks her, eyes on the mirror where she is now blinking against a mascara wand.
"Petunia mostly," Lily sighs, dropping the used wipe in the bin beneath the sink. "She's completely insufferable these days, and my mum just lets her be. Spending Christmas here is actually nicer, believe it or not."
Mary frowns at her through the mirror before turning around so that they are facing each other. She drops her mascara into her makeup bag, which is leaning precariously on the edge of the bathtub.
"You know, you can always spend Christmas at mine, or I'm sure James would accept you," Mary suggests. "You deserve a nice Christmas, Lily."
Lily looks down at the floor, folding her arms across her chest. One of her pyjama legs is riding up her calf, annoying her, but she doesn't bother pulling it down. Instead, she glances back up at Mary, at the complete lack of pity on her face. She notices Mary looks worried, actually. Lily wonders when she started looking at her like that.
"I have Azalia," Lily says. "At least if I'm here, then she doesn't have to be alone."
"True," Mary nods slowly. "Just think about it, okay? I'll suggest inviting you over next year to my parents. I'm sure they won't mind and Charlotte adores you."
Lily smiles slightly at the thought of Mary's little sister. She's a very sweet girl, opinionated just like her older sister, but Lily thinks it just adds to her character.
"I'll think about it," Lily promises.
Mary grins and reaches forward to squeeze her shoulders. "Good, now, before we leave..." She wanders off into the dormitory and returns a moment later. "Here," she passes Lily a wrapped gift and says, "Merry Christmas. You can't open it until Christmas, but I will say that it's something you can use in your band."
"Thanks, Mare," Lily grins. "Right, if I'm coming down with you guys to the station then I better get ready."
"Yeah, okay, I'll leave you be," Mary chuckles.
Lily cleans her teeth and spends the two minutes wondering what Mary's gift could be. She thinks she might know; a couple of months ago, Lily mentioned wishing she had a new strap for her guitar, since her old one was breaking. She isn't sure if Mary remembered, or if she got her something else. She'll just have to wait until Christmas.
Once she's cleaned her teeth, she wanders back into the dorm and gets changed into a pair of old jeans and a jumper that she borrowed from Remus last year and never returned. It doesn't fit her, too baggy at the front, the collar dipping low, the sleeves passing her fingertips. She chucks her hair up into a messy bun and doesn't bother looking in the mirror again, knowing she'll find eyebags there and it'll just make her feel terrible about herself.
On the way down to the station, Lily walks beside Alice and Remus, both of which are busy talking to Frank and Sirius. She watches as James chases Charlotte down the snowy hill, Mary yelling at them both to be careful, as if she's ever been careful with anything a day in her life.
As they approach the station, Azalia squeezes herself in beside Lily and knocks their shoulders together, catching her attention.
"We don't need this boring, old lot to have a fun Christmas," she says, grinning goofily. She cackles when Sirius lets out an offended sound.
"You'll miss it when I'm not here to sing Christmas carols," Sirius points out.
"Ah, freedom for my ears finally," Lily sighs contentedly, smirking when Sirius starts to pout. She shakes her head and pulls him into a hug. "Stop being silly, of course we'll miss you."
"Well, it's nice to hear it sometimes," Sirius mutters, but he hugs her back tightly. "Make sure to write," he says as he pulls away from her.
"Once a week, I know. Believe me, I am well-versed in your attachment issues by now."
"Oi," Sirius raises his eyebrows and points at her. Lily grins and he laughs. "See ya, Evans."
"Bye, Sirius, have a lovely Christmas," she calls as he and Remus jump onto the train.
Lily and Azalia finish saying their goodbyes and then stand back and watch as hundreds of students start to fill the train. Lily spots Pandora amongst the crowd, who turns to her and waves widely. Lily waves back, her heart clenching when she remembers she won't see Pandora for two whole weeks.
Before the station is empty, they start heading back up the hill towards the castle.
"I'm surprised you haven't told Pandora that you like her yet," Azalia says the moment they are out of range of other students.
Lily frowns and turns to her. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, come on," Azalia huffs. "I'm not one for the relationship drama, but I have eyes. Pandora obviously fancies you back."
"What?" Lily gapes.
"What do you mean 'what'? Do you really not know?" Azalia sounds almost as incredulous as Lily, who just continues to stare at her in shock. "Merlin, you're more oblivious than Remus and Sirius were."
"Pandora likes me back?" Lily almost yells.
"Well fucking duh," Azalia throws her arms out. "She has for years."
"Years?!"
"Oh, bloody hell," Azalia runs a hand down her face. She turns to Lily. "I'm only going to say this once: Pandora Rosier has a big, fat crush on you, Lily Evans."
Lily blinks and thinks through her last few interactions with Pandora, thinks about the way her eyes widened when she saw her last night, thinks about the way she kissed her cheek before saying good night.
"Oh my god," Lily whispers. Then, much louder, "Oh my god, why didn't you tell me?!"
"I thought you had some clue, it's pretty damn obvious," Azalia announces.
"Well, I didn't!" Lily shouts. She takes a couple of steps to her left and then stops, having no idea where she's going. She blinks. "I need to- I need to see her. Now."
Azalia glances down at the watch around her wrist. "You might wanna hurry, the train's due to leave in five minutes."
"That's enough time," Lily says.
"Is it?" Azalia raises an eyebrow that shows her disagreement.
"It has to be!" Lily declares before running back down the hill. She slips a couple of times on the snow, her old trainers not having much grip, but she luckily manages to catch herself each time. She runs faster than she's ever run before; it sort of reminds her of the sports days she used to have when she was in primary school. She always used to lose races, now she's racing against time and losing isn't an option.
She runs and she runs. A couple of students still lingering on the platform stare at her in confusion, some look slightly startled as she speeds past them. She jumps onto the train and rushes down the aisle, looking into every single compartment. It takes her what feels like hours to locate Pandora's compartment. She's sitting between her brother and Regulus, who notices Lily first. Opposite those three sits Barty Crouch, Scarlett and Dorcas Meadowes.
Lily ignores everyone else as she rushes into their compartment. They each stare at her with varying looks of bewilderment, amusement, and annoyance, as if she's just disrupted something.
Pandora glances up at her and Lily is shocked to find genuine surprise on her face. Usually, Pandora isn't surprised by anything, she knows everything that's coming, but now she looks like she wasn't expecting this.
"Lily?" She stands from her seat and crosses the two steps between them, placing a gentle hand on Lily's shoulder. "Are you alright? I thought you weren't going home for Christmas."
"I'm not," Lily pants, trying to catch her breath. "I just, I had to come and see you."
A small smile slides onto Pandora's face. "As nice as that is, may I ask why?"
"Just, I- uh," Lily stutters out. Pandora's eyes drop to her lips and that's the moment that Lily realises Azalia was actually right. She doesn't think as she cups Pandora's face and pulls her cautiously into a kiss. Their lips meet and Lily's chest ignites; a flame erupts inside her, burning every inch of her skin, pressing against the cold surface of Pandora's cheeks where her hands connect with her face.
Pandora kisses her back, her hands coming up to wrap around Lily's shoulders.
"Woah," someone says and Lily is abruptly reminded that they aren't alone. She pulls away and glances at the person who spoke - Barty Crouch. Of fucking course.
Lily's eyes widen as she looks back at Pandora, who is watching her with curious fascination.
"Oh," Lily mumbles, pulling her hands away and taking a step back. "Sorry, I- I should've asked."
"I wasn't expecting that," Pandora murmurs, bringing up a hand to pinch at her bottom lip. She looks at Lily and something flickers to life on her face. "I wasn't expecting that," she repeats, grinning.
"Is that... good?" Lily asks, confused.
"I always see everything, but I didn't even see you coming," Pandora says before releasing a startled laugh.
Lily blinks.
"Erm..."
Pandora steps forward and reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind one of Lily's ears, effortlessly silencing her.
"Of course, it's good," Pandora tells her. "You took your time."
"Sorry," Lily blurts out, making Pandora laugh.
"Uh, is this the right time to remind you guys that we're here, too?" Barty asks, earning himself a whack on the head by Dorcas, who tuts and tells him to shut up.
"You didn't plan this, did you?" Evan questions, looking vaguely amused.
"No," Lily admits.
"The train's leaving any minute," Regulus says, staring down at his watch. Lily notices he's sitting oddly, one leg underneath him. Usually, he sits like he's got a rod stuck to his back. She quickly pushes this thought away though as she realises what he's just said.
"Oh, shit," Lily hisses. She turns to Pandora once more and pulls her into another kiss. "I'll see you after Christmas?"
"You better be waiting for me on the platform," Pandora practically commands and Lily can't help but laugh and promise her she will be.
She rushes out of the compartment and towards the nearest exit. As she opens the door, the train starts rolling out of the station. Lily swears as she leaps onto the platform, luckily not injuring herself in the process. She turns just in time to watch as Pandora's window passes. She smiles at her and waves.
Lily's heart feels full as she waves back.
Azalia jogs over to her. "Did you make it?"
Lily turns to look at her and beams. "Yeah, I made it. She wasn't expecting me at all."
"Does that mean the pining is finally over?"
Lily snorts. "Yeah, the pining is finally over."
Azalia lets out a celebratory noise that has Lily chuckling. She throws an arm over Lily's shoulders as they walk back up to the castle. Lily knows this Christmas will always remain her favourite.
She always has loved winter.
***
Saturday - 18th December, 1976
Regulus
Regulus spends the morning in the library with Scarlett. They complete some of the homework they've been set over the Christmas holidays and then spend some time going over a game plan for Christmas Eve. Scarlett is seventeen now, so she could technically pull out of the engagement now if she wanted, but she's agreed to remain in their fake relationship until Regulus is of age, so he doesn't get trapped with some other betrothal.
After the library, they decide to grab lunch from the kitchens, where Scarlett summons Maggie, who she has seen more of lately. The three of them sit at a table and eat and talk for the next hour. Maggie tells them about her morning spent in Diagon Alley; apparently, the damage from the attack over the summer has finally been fixed. Regulus doesn't like to think about it, because, when he does, all he can picture is James being stuck in the middle of it.
They decide to head back to the boys' dormitory after, knowing the rest of their friends will likely be there. It's the final day before the Christmas holidays, so Regulus wants to spend every spare moment he can with his friends before being forced to not see them for two weeks. He'll see Scarlett and Evan on Christmas Eve at the Black's ball, but that hardly counts.
He is very worried about Barty, especially after the horrific summer he had, but he knows there's nothing he can do about it. He's already had a word with Alice earlier in the week, asking her to keep an eye out on Barty over the next couple of weeks. Thankfully, she won't be spending the holidays with her boyfriend, so Regulus trusts she'll check up on Barty just like he's asked her to.
Regulus expects to find Evan and Barty in the dorm when they arrive, maybe Pandora and Dorcas too. What he doesn't expect is to find James fucking Potter sitting on his bed as if he visits here on the regular (he doesn't, by the way).
Regulus blinks, utterly confused by the sight of his boyfriend on his bed. Barty and Evan are sat on Evan's bed, Dorcas and Pandora on Barty's. Even Scarlett looks shocked to see James in the Slytherin dormitories, just... hanging out with Regulus' friends. What the fuck is going on?
"James?" Regulus questions dumbly.
James turns and grins when he meets his eyes. "Reg, hey!"
"What on earth are you doing in my room?" Regulus arches an eyebrow.
"That'll be our doing," Dorcas declares, pointing between herself and Barty, who grins. "James was trying to find you and we said you'd end up dropping by the dorm at some point, so we invited him by."
Regulus wonders why James didn't just use the map, but okay?
"How did you get past everyone in the common room?" Scarlett asks.
"Everyone was off at lunch when we got here," Pandora speaks up. She's plaiting daisies into her hair at the moment, Regulus wonders where she found flowers at this time of year. "Plus, we put a disillusionment charm on him in case."
"Right," Regulus mumbles. He turns back to James, still slightly lost. "So, you're just... in my room, hanging out with my friends, sitting on my bed?"
"When you put it like that, it does sound a bit strange," James says. "Your friends are nice, though. Plus, I've basically been friends with Pandora, Dorcas and Barty for years."
"I suppose," Regulus says. He crosses the room and perches on the edge of his bed, right next to where James is sitting. James smiles at him and it hits Regulus then that everyone in the room knows about them, which means they don't have to hide. It sends a thrill through him.
"I was looking for you everywhere. Sirius has the map and he wouldn't let me use it," he adds in a whisper. "He's such a prat."
"Yeah, he is," Regulus agrees.
Scarlett joins Pandora and Dorcas on Barty's bed. For some reason, James being here doesn't feel as weird as he would expect it to. His presence merely adds to the group, just as Dorcas had when she joined the group in late first year, and just as Scarlett did in third year.
"So, what were you talking about before we arrived?" Regulus asks, reaching out to take James' hand, ignoring the way Barty starts laughing.
James looks absolutely delighted to have Regulus showing affection so publicly. He grips onto his hand right back and pulls it into his lap, wrapping his second hand around them.
"We were taking votes on how long it would take Slughorn to get drunk tonight," Evan says, pulling attention away from Regulus and James for a moment. "James and I said ten o'clock, Barty thinks nine, and Dorcas says eleven. Pandora already knows, so she's not playing."
"That's so stupid," Scarlett tuts. "The party starts at seven, and it takes the average adult around two hours to get drunk. Slughorn is a lightweight though, so he'll probably be gone by eight."
"I'm changing my answer," James declares, making Pandora and Barty chuckle. Scarlett sends him a questioning look, and James just answers with, "You're the smart one in this group."
"Excuse you," Regulus huffs, trying to pull his hand away, but James tightens his grip on it.
"You haven't even voted yet, Reg," James points out. "Otherwise I would agree with you, of course."
"He's such a sap, Regulus," Barty groans. "James, no offence, or a lot of offence, but you might as well be a Hufflepuff at this rate. Also, everyone knows that I'm the cleverest person in this room."
No one argues because, as much as they would all love to deny it, he's right. Barty is the cleverest out of all of them. Regulus has no idea how. He's such an idiot, but he's also a genius.
"He's, unfortunately, correct in that regard," Scarlett sighs, like it pains her to admit it. Regulus thinks it probably does.
"Really? Did you get, like, straight O's on your O.W.Ls or something," James laughs.
"Yeah," Barty says, straight-faced.
James' laughter abruptly cuts off as he gapes at Barty. He looks at Regulus for confirmation that Barty isn't lying or joking. Regulus nods - yes, Barty did get straight O's.
"Merlin," James breathes. "That's insane."
"Why thank you," Barty preens and Evan rolls his eyes.
"Brilliant, now his ego is even bigger than it was before," Evan tuts.
They talk for another two hours, James fitting in easily. All of Regulus' friends seem to be somewhat fond of him, even Scarlett, who doesn't really like many people. Regulus finds that ironic, considering James used to not like Scarlett very much and he likes most people.
Somehow, they get onto the topic of old myths about the castle. Evan brings up the theory that each of the founders created secret rooms around the castle and kept them hidden. Regulus and James share sneaky smiles, knowing that this myth is in fact true. Barty declares that he believes in it, though he doesn't elaborate on his reasons as to why.
"I don't know about all of the founders having secret rooms, but I heard that Slytherin had some secret chamber somewhere in the castle," Dorcas voices. "I remember some of the older Slytherins telling me back in first year. I didn't believe them, of course."
"I've heard about that room," Pandora ponders aloud. "It's where Salazar kept his basilisk."
Regulus' head snaps to the side, so that he's looking directly at Pandora. She doesn't seem to notice him at first, but then she glances briefly at him before directing her gaze towards the rest of them.
"Yeah but, Pan, there's no way he managed to actually keep a basilisk in the school," Scarlett says, raising her eyebrows.
"Well, if his chamber is a secret then no one would have found the basilisk," Pandora explains, sounding less hypothetical by the second. "I heard that it's just waiting for someone to find it and wake it up."
"Has anyone ever found the chamber before?" Regulus asks, leaning forward on his bed.
Pandora just shrugs.
"Who would want to awaken some creepy, fifty-foot snake anyway?" James shudders.
"Not me," Barty grimaces. Regulus remembers how Barty is absolutely terrified of snakes. Memories of the prank James and his friends played on them in first year come flooding back to him and he can't help the small laugh that bubbles out of him.
"Basilisks can be used for good things, too," Pandora murmurs.
"For killing your enemies?" Dorcas suggests.
"Their venom," Pandora states without expanding further on what she means. Before Regulus gets the chance to ask what she means (even though he's pretty sure he knows exactly what she's hinting at; his Horcrux-destroying plans come to mind), Barty speaks up.
"What would Salazar leave the basilisk here for anyway? Surely, he'd take it with him when he left if it was his pet."
"It wasn't his pet," Evan and Pandora say at the same time. Pandora gestures for Evan to carry on. He does. "It was his way of making sure the school would remain pure even after he left."
"Pure?" Dorcas frowns.
"No Muggleborns," Scarlett murmurs, understanding dawning over her and everyone else in the room.
"Oh," James frowns, looking uncomfortable.
"Thankfully, no one knows where it is," Pandora announces, trying to pick up the mood again. "I wonder what the other founders' rooms are like."
"I bet Gryffindor's is his bedroom, with lion memorabilia everywhere you turn," Dorcas says, snickering.
Regulus and James share a side-long glance, both of them smiling to each other. Dorcas isn't completely wrong about the lion memorabilia being everywhere you look. Regulus wishes he could tell her, but he promised he would keep it a secret.
"And Hufflepuff's is probably overgrown with weeds or something," Barty says.
"What about Ravenclaw's?" James asks.
"I don't know, a library?" Barty shrugs. "Or a room for her to put her diadem. If I had something as precious as that, I'd want to hide it away from the rest of the world."
"Diadem?" Scarlett queries.
Pandora and Barty then go on to explain the myths behind Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem. Regulus listens and wonders if Barty is right - how else could something so famous have been lost for so long? Pandora tells them that if they ever happen upon it, they shouldn't put it on, as if any of them are going to come across it at some point in the future. It's been lost for centuries. Regulus doubts it's going to be discovered anytime soon.
Eventually, James has to head back to Gryffindor Tower to get ready for Slughorn's Christmas party. Regulus walks him to the door and starts internally fighting with himself about whether he should kiss him goodbye or not. He doesn't want his friends to be idiots about it once James has left, but he also wants to kiss him.
When James turns to him with an expectant look on his face, Regulus just decides to go for it. He stands up on his tiptoes and presses his lips to James', hand climbing into his hair. James holds onto his waist softly until they part.
He's right. The moment James is gone, his friends act like absolute idiots.
James comes up to him around ten o'clock, an hour or so after dinner finishes. They had spent the entire meal holding hands under the table, which sounds dumb in retrospect, but Regulus doesn't care. James makes him feel like an idiot sometimes. Regulus is beginning to think it's just a side effect of being in love.
He only approaches him briefly, but in that small period of time, he whispers, "I'm now leaving. Meet me in the room in ten minutes."
Regulus doesn't even get the chance to answer before James vanishes, here one minute and then gone the next. Regulus spots him sneaking out of the door, just about managing to avoid Slughorn, who has been drunk since half-past eight, which means Dorcas and Scarlett were equally closest with their votes. Regulus had ended up going with ten like Evan and James, mostly because he wasn't really bothered with the whole voting game.
He gives it five minutes or so after James leaves before he decides to go himself. He tells Evan and Barty not to expect him back tonight, to which they both give him playful looks; Barty waggling his eyebrows like he's thirteen instead of almost seventeen, and Evan raising his eyebrows suggestively.
Regulus rolls his eyes and heads for the exit. Slughorn, unfortunately, catches him before he leaves, wondering where he's off to so "early". Regulus informs him that he feels tired and needs to go to bed, so Slughorn allows him to go. As soon as he's out of Slughorn's chambers, he picks up his pace and half-sprints his way to the Room of Requirement.
It's definitely been more than ten minutes since James left, but Regulus can't help it. If they left at the same time, it would have been suspicious to anyone paying attention. Plus, he got stopped by Slughorn - again, not his fault.
The room appears in front of him and he steps inside. He tries to walk forward but finds himself stuck, bound to the spot. He frowns and looks at James, who is standing a couple of feet in front of him. He's laughing.
"James?"
"Look up, love," James bites down on his bottom lip as if to subdue his wide grin. It doesn't work.
Regulus glances up and finds enchanted mistletoe stuck above the door. He looks down at James, who looks so proud of himself, and shakes his head.
"You're an idiot," he says, reaching out for James to come closer since he apparently can't go anywhere at the moment. James steps forward and lets Regulus encircle his waist with his arms. "I would have kissed you without the mistletoe."
"I know," James smiles, wrapping his arms around Regulus' shoulders. "But I wanted to try the whole mistletoe thing this Christmas, and you're the only person I want to kiss."
Regulus, ridiculously, feels himself blush, as if James has just said something scandalous instead of something sweet. He kisses him and feels as the mistletoe releases him, but he doesn't pull away. James slides his hands down over Regulus' shoulders and wraps them around the back of his thighs, picking him up. Regulus instinctively loops his legs around James' waist, his hands jumping to James' hair as their kiss deepens.
James starts walking, to the bed Regulus assumes. They're back in their usual room, the one they first came to during Valentine's Day of fifth year.
James crawls onto the bed, Regulus clinging to him, their lips never parting. Not until James gently settles him on the mattress, hovering above him.
"I love it when you wear Muggle robes," Regulus rambles, "they make you look so- just so-"
"So?" James laughs.
Regulus groans in frustration. "Stop fishing for compliments, Potter."
"Haven't I earned one?" James asks, grin spreading.
"No," Regulus huffs.
James hums, he doesn't sound like he particularly agrees with Regulus. He runs a finger down Regulus' chest, over his silky Wizard robes, and all the way down to the waistband of his trousers. James flicks the button open and starts pulling them off. Regulus' hands instantly jump to James' shirt buttons, his blazer already gone, it was lost before Regulus even arrived to the room. He practically rips the shirt from James' body, eyes melting out of his skull at the sight of him.
James is so- he's so- perfect, it's not fair. His body is chiselled, properly chiselled, like a fucking Greek statue. It's all of the Quidditch he plays. His skin is smooth, too, blemish-free, unlike Regulus', which is covered in scars.
His hands jump down to James' trousers, easily undoing the button and pulling them off. James pulls Regulus' top off and chucks it across the room. Regulus feels more happy about that than he thinks he should. It's just, those robes were so expensive, and if his mother could see them now, she would be absolutely beside herself with anger. And that brings Regulus so much joy.
James kisses him once, roughly, on the lips and then trails a line of open-mouthed kisses from Regulus' throat and down his chest. He lets his hands settle in James' hair, his goal is to make it even messier than it usually is, if that's even possible. James' lips burn with each lingering touch as they make their way down his stomach, causing him to squirm slightly, and dot their way past his navel.
James glances up at him, but before he can even ask, Regulus breathes out a loud, "Yes." James chuckles to himself and digs his fingers into Regulus' underwear, pulling it off him, throwing them across the room with his robes. He discards his own, too, which Regulus is absolutely delighted by. He watches as James drops to his stomach again between Regulus' legs, his hands settle around his thighs, fingertips digging in and making Regulus' head spin.
They've never done this before, but Regulus realises he isn't even nervous. Not anymore. He trusts James more than he ever thought he could trust another person. James is just so good, it's impossible not to trust him with everything he has.
"Yeah?" James makes sure once more and Regulus appreciates that more than James will ever know.
"Yeah," Regulus nods. He's propped up slightly by the abundance of pillows that lie on the bed, which means he can perfectly see the exact moment that James' mouth comes into contact with his tip. Regulus' whole body shudders at the touch. James wraps his lips around him and swirls his tongue. Regulus' head threatens to fall back as his jaw drops around a low whine, but he's too curious to look away, so he continues to watch.
James is watching him, too; watching and waiting for Regulus' reactions as he tries new things. He swallows him down whole and, as he drags his mouth back up, hollows out his cheeks. Regulus lets out a stilted moan that he's sure he'll feel embarrassed about later on. One of his hands is tangled in James' hair, whilst the other grips at the bed sheets. James' lips are are slick with spit and bulging red. Regulus wants to bite them.
After catching his response, James continues to hollow out his cheeks and swirl his tongue around and around until Regulus loses the ability to fucking see. His head falls back against the pillows and his entire body goes stiff, his legs shake as he tries to hold his own weight. James' grip on his thighs tightens, holding onto him so that, if he does fall, he'll catch him.
Right before he finishes, James pulls away.
Regulus blinks and frowns. He looks down at James, who stares up at him with wide, innocent eyes and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
"What..."
"Sorry," James rushes to say. "I just, I was wondering if we could maybe... erm..."
"If we could what?" Regulus asks softly, hoping his tone will soothe James enough to get his words out.
"I want to- well, I only want to if you want to, but I thought maybe we could have sex," James says in a rush, his cheeks burning crimson. Regulus blinks in surprise. He sort of knew they were approaching this, especially after the things they've been doing recently, but he didn't think they would talk about it beforehand. He just assumed it would sort of... happen.
The thing is, Regulus does. Want to, that is.
"Okay," he says.
"Okay?" James questions, eyebrows furrowed sceptically. "Are you sure? We don't have to. I want you to know for sure that you're ready. I would never force you to-"
"James, baby, I know," Regulus interrupts him. He drops his hand to James' jaw and pulls him up at the same time he sits up from where he was sinking into the pillows. He kisses James firmly on the mouth and whispers, "I want to. I really want to."
"Oh, okay," James mutters, smiling shyly. "I definitely want to, too."
"Yeah, I got that," Regulus snickers.
"Shut up," James huffs, pushing Regulus back down into the pillows. He grabs his wand and casts a spell on his fingers. "How do you want to do this? Like, do you want to be on the top or on the bottom?"
"We could try both?" Regulus suggests.
"Both," James squeaks. "Yeah, both sounds... good."
Regulus laughs. "Since I'm already laying down, I'll go on the bottom first."
"Yeah, okay," James nods. He settles back down between Regulus' legs and presses a soft kiss to his inner thigh. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Regulus nods.
James pushes a finger in and then a second, adjusting quicker than he has in the past. Once he's managed to fit three fingers in, Regulus tells him he's ready. James grabs his wand again and casts a lubrication spell on himself and a cleaning spell on his fingers. He hovers over Regulus and angles himself in front of Regulus' entrance before slowly pushing in.
Regulus' face scrunches up at the peculiar sensation. It hurts a bit, but not enough for him to want to stop. He thinks it's supposed to hurt the first time anyway, he overheard some girls talking about it once and had been scarred at the time, but is now oddly grateful for the information.
"Okay?" James checks.
"Yeah, just go slow," Regulus says.
James helps him adjust to his size - which is definitely larger than three fingers - before properly thrusting inside of him. They wait for the small pinch of pain to subside and Regulus soon gasps as pleasure starts to consume him. James must notice because a tiny smile blooms across his face. He asks if Regulus wants him to keep going.
"You can move faster if you want," Regulus suggests, his cheeks turning pink. James just kisses them.
James presses into him a couple of times, a furrow between his eyebrows like he's focusing really hard. Then, without warning, he grabs one of Regulus' legs and slings it over his shoulder. The change in position gives James more access and the angle helps him hit the spot inside Regulus that causes him to moan without warning.
James holds his leg there with one hand against his thigh, his other beside Regulus' head on the bed, keeping him propped up. Regulus has one hand wrapped around James' arm and the other clutching onto his shoulder, nails digging in.
The closer they both get, the more James picks up the pace. Right as Regulus starts to feel a knot forming in his stomach, James, as if sensing this, wraps a hand around Regulus' dick and starts pulling him off as well.
Overwhelmed by it all, Regulus practically melts into the mattress, collapsing like a marionette with it's strings cut. He keeps digging his nails into James' skin, unable to help it as he sees the fucking light. James finishes almost right after Regulus, moaning against Regulus' chest. He presses lazy, open-mouthed kisses to Regulus' collarbone, the one with the scar.
He pulls himself out and drops down on the bed beside Regulus, who doesn't think he could move even if his mother happened to walk in.
"That," Regulus begins, still trying to catch his breath, "was amazing."
"We are definitely doing that again," James agrees, sounding just as winded as Regulus feels.
"Oh, definitely," Regulus says. He tilts his head to the side and finds James already watching him. He tries to roll onto his side, but winces at the pain that emanates in his pelvis. Noticing this, James reaches out and gently pulls Regulus closer to him before wrapping his arm around his waist.
"Not tonight though," James whispers.
"I thought we were going to do it both ways," Regulus says half-heartedly. If he's being honest, he doesn't think he has it in him to so much as lift a pinkie at the moment.
"We can do it next time," James tells him, burying his nose into the side of Regulus' head. "Let's just sleep now, love."
Regulus deflates with relief. "Okay, James."
"Goodnight, Reg," James mumbles, already sounding half-asleep.
"Goodnight, baby," Regulus whispers back.
Sunday - 19th December, 1976
Regulus wakes to the sun shining in his eyes, which is strange because the dungeons don't get very much sunlight. He frowns and blinks his eyes open, realising almost immediately after that the reason the sun is hitting him is because he isn't in his dormitory at all. He's in the Room of Requirement. After a quick glance over his shoulder, he finds James, still asleep, behind him. James has an arm slung over Regulus' waist and pressed against his stomach as if he was still trying to pull him closer in his sleep.
He smiles to himself and lies there for a moment, revelling in the feeling of being in James Potter's arms. Memories of last night flood his mind and his smile grows into a stupid grin as he remembers what they did.
He's happy for about five seconds before reality decides to hit him at full force. Regulus has been working on his game plan for the Horcruxes ever since September, and so far, all he's got is a list of possible places Voldemort could be hiding them, and a list of possible objects they might be. Of course, he doesn't know Voldemort at all yet, so he doubts his guesses are entirely accurate. This is why he needs to get closer to him, needs to gain his trust and find out as much as he can, which means joining his ranks and becoming as loyal a follower as he can risk.
And James wouldn't date a Death Eater, let alone have sex with one.
Regulus, suddenly craving fresh air, extricates himself from beneath James' arm and pulls himself out of bed. He winces at the stiff ache that he can feel in his pelvis, running down into his right thigh - probably where James flung it over his shoulder last night. He fishes his underwear from off the floor and grabs his trousers, which have a packet of cigarettes in. (He asked Remus to get him some of his own, which Regulus paid for, so he didn't have to keep stealing the boy's.)
He doesn't bother putting his shirt on, feeling too warm in the stuffy room that reeks slightly of sex and sweat. Instead, he steps out onto the small balcony attached to their room and brings a cigarette to his lips, which he lights with a click of his fingers. It took him a while to master the spell after Remus showed it to him, mainly because he likes the act of using his Muggle lighter, but he didn't bring it with him, so this will have to do.
After a couple of minutes, he sighs and leans forward, dropping his arms to the railing that stops him from being able to fall off the balcony. He looks out over the grounds and watches as the sun begins to rise over the lake. It's still dark out, what with it being so early and December time.
They go home today. Regulus isn't going to see James for two whole weeks.
He sighs again and finishes off his cigarette. There's the sound of something clicking behind him and then warm arms encircle his waist. James rests his head on Regulus' bare shoulder, curling around him. From the looks of it, he's only wearing his trousers, too.
"Come inside, love, it's bloody freezing out here," James murmurs before pressing a soft kiss to his skin. He continues dropping small pecks down Regulus' back, hitting each and every scar in reach.
Regulus turns in James' arms and kisses him brazenly on the lips. It's all morning breath and cigarette ash, but it's perfect anyway. Everything with James is.
He follows James inside afterwards, limping ever so slightly in a way that, to the knowing eye, tells the world what they were doing the night before. James notices and asks if he's okay, looking completely guilty by the fact. Regulus just kisses him again and promises that he's fine, swears that it was worth it.
They get dressed and leave quickly. It's still early, but neither of them want to be caught sneaking around the castle in clothes they were seen wearing the night before, especially not together. Before they reach the door, Regulus kisses James fervently, letting it linger for longer than normal. He'll have to go two weeks without this, and then, once the Christmas break is over, the count will begin. He knows he can't have James when he basically sells himself to the Dark Lord, which means they only have until the end of May.
Just five months left.
Regulus tries not to think about it as they pull away from each other, knowing that, if he does, he won't let go. He'll hold James here until time passes and they miss the train; he'll hold him here until he finds it within himself to let go, and he doubts that time would ever come.
He gets back to his dormitory without getting caught, luckily, and instantly hurries into the bathroom to have a shower. He washes away all of the touches and kisses from the night before, mourning them as they circle down the drain along with the suds.
When he exits the bathroom in a fresh set of clothes, he is surprised to find Evan standing outside the door. He almost jumps as he walks into him and then winces as he takes a prompt step back.
"Are you alright?" Evan questions, raising his eyebrows.
"I'm fine," Regulus huffs. "If you weren't loitering outside the bathroom door like a weirdo, I wouldn't have reacted that way."
"Woah, someone's in a mood. What? Was Potter not entertaining enough for you last night?" He snickers, but something must flicker across Regulus' face because Evan's laughter ceases instantly and gives way to a worried expression. "Regulus?"
"What?"
"Everything's okay, right? With you and James," Evan clarifies.
Regulus scoffs. "Yes, we're fine. I'm just annoyed that I have to go home for the next two weeks. Anyway, going back to the whole loitering thing, did you need something or...?"
"Oh, right," Evan mumbles. He spares a glance across the room to where Barty is sleeping, the bed curtains around his bed still tightly shut. Regulus gets the message immediately and gestures for Evan to follow him back into the bathroom.
They lock the door behind them and Evan sits down on the edge of the bathtub whilst Regulus leans back against the door.
"I'm concerned about Barty," Evan says, which doesn't shock Regulus in the slightest. He's also concerned about Barty at the moment.
"Understandable," Regulus nods slowly.
"I don't mean that he's going home. He actually told me last night that Alice asked if he wanted to stay at her house over the holidays," Evan tells him, which is a shock to Regulus. Relief overwhelms him to the point where he visually slumps against the door. He hadn't realised just how worried he was until now.
"Oh, that's good," Regulus says. Then, with a small frown, "Wait, if he's staying with Alice, then why are you concerned?"
"He's been acting... odd recently," Evan mumbles, eyebrows furrowed. "I don't mean like how he was at the beginning of the year. I mean, he's been avoiding me a lot and every time I try to talk to him, he brushes me off. Has he said anything to you about being mad at me?"
Regulus takes a minute to think over what Evan has just said to him before letting out a small chuckle.
"What's so funny?" Evan sounds almost petulant.
"He's not mad at you, you prat," Regulus continues to laugh at the look of complete and utter bewilderment on Evan's face. He almost feels bad for him. "He's been avoiding you, acting more shyly, rushing away from you..."
"Yeah," Evan blinks.
Regulus has to resist the urge to roll his eyes.
"Merlin, you're stupid," Regulus tuts. At the look of offence on Evan's face, Regulus sighs. "He fancies you obviously."
"He what?" Evan just continues to stare at him, confused.
"Fancies you. I mean, he might not have completely realised it yet, but a part of him clearly has," Regulus explains. "I started acting just as shifty when I began to realise I liked James. It's a good thing, though, isn't it? Salazar knows you've been waiting for him long enough."
"Yeah, but it's not supposed to be yet," Evan frowns. "At least, I don't think it is. I don't know exactly when it's meant to happen, but I thought we were older. We felt older when I dreamt it."
"Just because he's starting to figure things out, doesn't mean he'll be sharing it with the world anytime soon," Regulus says. He sends Evan a sympathetic smile as a look of disappointment crosses his features. "Look, Barty still hasn't even accepted the fact that he likes guys yet, let alone you, so just give him time. I know you already have, but he needs it. He deserves it. You know he's going to find his way to you eventually, and won't it be just that much more worth it when it finally happens? Believe me, it'll be worth the wait."
"I know," Evan sighs. Then, perking up slightly. "He hasn't dated anyone for a while."
"I noticed," Regulus chuckles under his breath.
Evan smiles to himself and then, when he looks up at Regulus, it turns into a smirk. "So, how was your night spent with James? Get up to anything interesting?"
"What makes you ask?" Regulus arches an eyebrow.
"Oh, just the fact that you were limping when you came out of the bathroom and you winced the moment you leant against the door," Evan points out. Regulus subconsciously rights himself, straightening out his posture.
"So?" He crosses his arms.
"Are you really going to make me say it, Regulus?" Evan snorts.
"No one's asking you to," Regulus mumbles.
"I can't believe you're a bottom," Evan says before bursting out into laughter.
Regulus feels as a flush grows up his neck and settles in his cheeks. He scowls and pushes Evan off of the edge of the bath and into the tub. He lets out a small yell as he falls, which evokes a mean laugh from Regulus. He stares down at Evan, who jokingly glares up at him, but puts his hand out. Regulus rolls his eyes and helps Evan up.
"Twat," he mumbles.
"Prick," Regulus retorts.
"Bottom," Evan sniggers.
"I will push you again," Regulus says seriously. Evan laughs and after a single shared glance, Regulus laughs, too.
"Was he good at least?" Evan asks, catching Regulus slightly off guard.
He sighs, accepting his fate. "Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, he was- I mean, it was-" He stops himself. "Why the fuck am I telling you anything?"
"Because I care about you and that means I care whether or not your sex life is satisfying enough. If it's not, I'll gladly hex your boyfriend until he gets the message to up his game," Evan offers with a cheerful smile.
"Touch him and you won't ever have a sex life because I'll curse your dick to fall off," Regulus threatens, smiling back. "It was better than good. It was better than anything Barty Crouch will be able to do." He snickers.
"Damn, don't let Barty hear you saying that, then he'll curse your dick to fall off," Evan chuckles.
Evan laughs at Regulus as he stumbles down the hill towards Hogsmeade station. Dorcas and Scarlett look mildly concerned, probably thinking he just injured himself, and Barty just seems to be confused. They're meeting Pandora on the train, so Regulus doesn't have to worry about her laughing at him, too, just like her stupid brother is.
It's busy when they get to the station, the platform is packed with students either hurrying onto the train or saying rushed goodbyes to their friends that are staying behind. Regulus almost trips over someone's trunk, but is caught by Scarlett, who gives him a small smile as he thanks her. Hoots of owls and the whistle of the train ring through his ears, overwhelming him slightly as he boards the Hogwarts Express.
It's strange feeling such dread as he makes his way onto the train now compared to how much relief he feels when seeing the train at the beginning of the year. He knows it's because the reason he's boarding it is to go home; he much prefers it when he's on his way to Hogwarts, far from home, and far from his repressive family.
They find an empty compartment not too far into the train and Regulus settles down beside Pandora, who they met up with at the station, right next to the door. (He tries to hide the way he winces and almost bounces out of his seat; he ends up having to sit inelegantly on one of his legs just to get comfortable.) Evan and Dorcas take the window seats and instantly start playing a guessing game about what the other might have gotten the other for Christmas. Regulus is busy watching students bustle by, hoping to catch a glimpse of James, to listen to what Scarlett and Barty are bickering about. Pandora just sits silently beside him, her eyes glued to the window.
Regulus spots Lily first, her red hair is hard to miss. She looks relieved the moment she spots him, which confuses him slightly. He watches as she takes a moment to compose herself, patting down her messy hair and pulling her jumper sleeves up where they hang over her wrists, before stepping inside their compartment. Everyone turns to look at their intruder, only Pandora stands.
"Lily?" Pandora asks, sounding a mixture of thrilled and shocked to see her. Sometimes, Regulus wonders if Pandora plans the way she is going to react to certain events that take place because she's seen it all before. But the surprise on her face now looks genuine, authentic, like she really didn't expect Lily to come bursting through the door.
Pandora says something else that Regulus doesn't quite catch during his pondering, nor does he catch Lily's response. It must be something sweet because a soft smile makes its way onto Pandora's face.
"As nice as that is, may I ask why?" Pandora speaks.
"Just, I- uh," Lily stutters out.
There's a moment of silence shared between them, a tense-filled buzz permeates in the air like a call of what's to come, a warning to everyone outside of the two girls who are just watching each other now. Still, Regulus doesn't expect it when Lily cradles Pandora's face in her hands before slowly leaning forward and pulling Pandora into a kiss.
Regulus can't stop the way his lips part in shock. Sure, he knew Pandora had a crush on Lily, he's known that for a while, and not just because Pandora told them all a few weeks ago. It's obvious to anyone with eyes that Pandora has been absolutely besotted with Lily for years. Yet, Regulus never considered the idea that Lily could fancy Pandora back. For some reason, he's always had the idea stuck in his head that Lily wants James, even after Lily openly professed her happiness for James and Regulus. He's always held a bitterness for the girl that, he realises now, stems from a jealousy Regulus has absolutely no right to possess.
Somehow, after all these years, he feels it untangle and dissipate inside of him in a matter of seconds. The sight of Lily holding Pandora so gently, like something precious, like something worth everything in the world, is the thing that makes him, for the first time, properly look at Lily Evans. It's the first time he sees her and doesn't feel something recoil inside of him.
"Woah," Barty says, dragging the word out. His eyes are wide and there's a brief moment when those eyes turn to Evan, but it's so fleeting, so barely there, that Regulus doesn't think anyone else even notices.
Dorcas reaches out and hits Barty upside the head for interrupting the two girls, who have since pulled away from each other. Not far, they're still existing in each other's orbit, but they're no longer connected in the way they were moments ago.
Lily stutters out an apology and Pandora doesn't accept it. Instead, a smile blooms across her face, pure relief filling her features as she proclaims, "I wasn't expecting that."
Regulus frowns, confused, because he's never ever heard Pandora say those words before. I wasn't expecting that. How could she have not been expecting that? Pandora sees everything, she always has, it's her blessing and her curse. And yet, she didn't see Lily Evans coming.
Regulus is suddenly struck with the most random of memories. It was back in fourth year, right before the Christmas holidays; Regulus and Barty had ended up joining James, Lily and Mary Macdonald at a table at The Three Broomsticks, that was back when Barty and Mary were dating. Lily had surprised him then, too, and Regulus couldn't help but think how unpredictable the girl was.
To people who don't know her, Lily is seen as just another know-it-all Muggleborn, too eager to learn about the world she didn't grow up in but was invited into the moment she showed she belonged here; she's ambitious and clever, sure, but she's also prim and stubborn. Boring, Regulus would think if he was on the outside. But to people who know her, and Regulus is beginning to discover that for some reason he is one of those people, she is one of the least plain people on the planet. She's surprising and unpredictable; she has an unexpected fire in her that reveals itself at the most random times
Regulus likes people that surprise him, especially when they use their unpredictability naturally rather than for the sake of being random.
He blinks out of his musing and glances down at his watch.
"The train's leaving any minute," he announces.
"Oh, shit," Lily says before kissing Pandora once more. "I'll see you after Christmas?"
"You better be waiting for me on the platform," Pandora smirks and Lily laughs, promising she will be, before rushing out of the compartment. The train starts rolling out of the station not a minute later and they all watch the window. Pandora grins and starts waving when she notices Lily on the platform, looking ruffled, probably from where she likely had to jump off of the train as it moved.
"Does this mean two out of six of us are dating Gryffindors now?" Dorcas asks the group, a jokingly unimpressed expression scrunching up her face.
"Yes, it does, and believe me, the numbers will rise," Pandora says.
"The numbers will rise?" Scarlett frowns, clearly confused.
"Mhm," Pandora nods, smiling. She changes the subject. "You know, I think Godric and Salazar probably had a thing going. It seems Gryffindors and Slytherins are just fated to be together."
"Pan, you're a Ravenclaw," Evan reminds her.
"I'm a Slytherin by association," Pandora shrugs. "I was nearly placed in Slytherin, you know, but I knew that I had to end up in Ravenclaw, so I asked the hat to put me there instead."
"I never knew that," Evan frowns, looking slightly betrayed by his sister's confession.
"Why did you have to end up in Ravenclaw?" Barty asks.
"To bring some diversity to this group, obviously, otherwise we would just be a bunch of Slytherins hanging out with each other," Pandora answers like that was clear.
"Was anyone else nearly put in a different house?" Evan questions.
Barty, to Regulus' surprise, answers first. "The hat nearly put me in Ravenclaw, actually. I was fully just going to accept it because I didn't really care where I ended up. I mean, I hoped I'd be put in the same house as Alice, but other than that it really didn't matter to me."
"What made the hat put you in Slytherin?" Dorcas queries.
"It said I had a cunning inside of me that, if I wasn't careful, could become destructive enough to turn me mad," Barty murmurs, appearing self-conscious. "I guess that makes me the craziest out of us lot then," he huffs out a laugh that Regulus instantly sees through.
"Nonsense," Scarlett shakes her head, causing Barty to turn to her. "Don't let some crusty, old hat tell you what you are or will be. It's enchanted, it's not a prophet."
"I suppose," Barty nods slowly, but there's something lingering in his expression that turns Regulus' insides, like maybe Barty truly does believe every word the hat said to him.
"I was not going to tell any of you this, ever, because I thought you would shun me for it, but," Scarlett starts, exhaling steadily, "I was almost a Gryffindor."
"You're right, we would shun you for that, leave now," Barty says, pointing towards the door. Scarlett narrows her eyes at him, and when Barty's face cracks into a grin, she shoves him playfully, rolling her eyes. "How come you were put in Slytherin then?"
"I have too much common sense to be a Gryffindor," Scarlett announces with a prim shrug.
"That, plus you're scary sometimes and Gryffindors are all a bunch of big teddy bears," Pandora says.
"I'm not that scary," Scarlett mumbles.
"You are."
"A little bit."
"I mean, you can be."
"Regulus?" Scarlett turns to him, eyes wide.
Regulus winces and admits, "Sorry, Scarlett, but it's true. Sometimes, you are slightly terrifying."
"Whatever," she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms before leaning back into her seat.
The rest of the train ride goes by quickly as they continue to fall into conversations to distract them from the fact that they're all going home.
When Regulus arrives home, he is instantly pushed through the door by his mother, who orders him to go and get dressed for dinner. She informs him that they have a special guest dining with them tonight, but doesn't specify who, so Regulus just goes with his most formal robes.
Not twenty minutes later, he is making his way down the stairs towards the dining room. He catches his father making his way through the door, visibly more hunched than he was only four months ago, and greying by the day by the looks of it. Regulus feels a twinge of worry pinch in his chest, but he quickly buries it down as he remembers that he isn't talking to Orion right now.
Regulus enters the dining room and almost outwardly reacts when he notices the Dark Lord sitting in his father's chair. This is the second time Regulus has seen him in person now, and he still isn't used to looking at him. The thing is, it's obvious that there's something wrong with his appearance, but only if you're looking for it. And Regulus, the first time they met, was watching out for any visible problem he could find on the man.
He's handsome, annoyingly, especially for his age. He probably had girls - and maybe even guys - fawning over him during his Hogwarts days. The thought makes Regulus' stomach turn. Back to his point: Voldemort, or whatever his real name is, is handsome, which is why no one else has noticed that there's something imperatively, physically wrong with him. People don't look past the charm and the beauty of the man; they don't see that he actually look rotten, torn apart, like parts of him have been removed and forced elsewhere.
Regulus wonders if he would have even noticed had he not read about Horcruxes less than a year before meeting the man. The thought makes him panic, even though it's hypothetical, because if he didn't figure it out, would anyone else ever had? Is he the only one who knows? Has Voldemort told anyone? Probably not.
Regulus doesn't know if he will even ever tell anyone else. This isn't like the newest hot gossip at Hogwarts that you share around with your friends, this is life and death; this might be the key to ending the war.
And it's in Regulus' hands, bloody and raw and beating. Alive and dead all at once, something dangerous and unnatural and cursed.
It's heavy, but Regulus has been holding it on his own so far. He won't subject anyone else to this. If he did, he would only tell someone he trusted with his life, but there are very few people that he trusts that much, and those that he does, he would never bring into this. No, he couldn't risk the people he loves, not even for the fate of the world.
"Ah, Regulus," the Dark Lord greets him, charming grin in place. "So nice of you to join us. How was your term at school?"
Regulus blinks.
How was his term at school?
Is Voldemort trying to act like his parent right now?
He walks forward and sits down in his seat, his father is seated opposite him instead of in his usual chair, which is otherwise occupied right now. He turns to the Dark Lord and smiles politely, feeling as every organ inside of him recoils.
"It was satisfactory, thank you for asking, my Lord," Regulus nods. He glances briefly at his mother, who looks satiated by his response. He tries not to let his relief show on his features.
"The Dark Lord is joining us today, Regulus, because he has some business to inquire about with you after supper," his mother tells him. "For now, though, we will eat. Kreacher," she calls and Kreacher pops into the room a moment later. He clicks his fingers and dishes of food appear on the table.
It's a painfully awkward dinner. Regulus has to hide his distrust for everyone in the room, his hatred for his mother, his dislike for his father, and his disgust for the Dark Lord. He conceals the way he wants to pull out his wand and curse the man, or vomit all over the table just from how messed up this all is. He tries not to think about how this man is the cause for all of the destruction in the Wizarding World, including the attack in Diagon Alley that almost took James away from him. He does all of this by keeping his occlumency walls up in place, letting his mind remain blank.
After the meal, they all excuse themselves from the dining room. Walburga practically fawns over Voldemort, which Regulus just finds plain embarrassing. It is clear that the Dark Lord agrees with him in that regard, though he does well to hide it from the woman. He dismisses her - in her own home - and she willingly leaves them alone. Orion has already left to go to his office.
"Regulus," Voldemort smiles at him again, as if they are friends, as if he isn't trying to recruit a child to join his terrorist group. "I believe the drawing room is this way."
Regulus stills at the mention of that room. He only ever really goes in there when his mother is punishing him. There are only terrible memories in that room; terrible memories and a rotten family tree.
The Dark Lord must notice Regulus' dislike for the room, as the next words out of his mouth are, "We will not be in there for long. I will simply tell you what I require of you and then we shall leave."
"Yes, my Lord," Regulus responds robotically. He wants to ask why they have to go to the drawing room to do that, why can't they go anywhere else? Here is fine. Here would be great, actually.
He follows Voldemort into the drawing room and tries not to flinch as the door bangs closed behind them. Voldemort wanders around the room, vaguely taking in the furniture, running his finger along the dangling crystals on the lamp desk. His eyes inevitably settle on the tapestry.
"The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black," he says, humming slightly. "Quite the legacy, you are. Tell me, Regulus, what is it like to be an heir?"
Regulus hates the way his name sounds coming from Voldemort's mouth. It's too familiar, and he would rather be anything but familiar with the man in front of him.
"It is a huge responsibility, one I have been trained to uphold and tolerate my entire life," Regulus answers honestly. Then, not so truthfully, "It is an honour."
Voldemort's eyes narrow ever so slightly, like he's trying to read Regulus, trying to learn his tells and figure out what he looks like when he's lying and when he's telling the truth. It makes him uncomfortable, to say the least, but he hides that feeling behind the walls in his mind, going for mild indifference.
"Interesting," Voldemort responds. He blinks and turns back towards the tapestry. His eyes land briefly on the blotches that Regulus now knows are Andromeda, Sirius and his sister and father. "Being a part of my organisation means having a lot of responsibility, too, Regulus. Do you think you could handle it?"
Regulus stares into the blotch where Sirius' face must have been once, before Walburga burnt it off. He thinks about the Horcruxes and how, if he succeeds in his plan to get rid of them, however many there are and wherever they may be, he could be saving the lives of all he loves. He could save his friends and James. He could save Sirius.
"I believe so," he replies after a moment. He faces Voldemort head on and their eyes meet. "Responsibility is something I am well-versed in. When it comes to it, you can trust me to do my part."
"Wonderful," Voldemort says. He clasps his hands together and declares, "If you are telling the truth, then there is something I need you to do for me now. It is a very important task, Regulus, and will prove your loyalty to me. It will demonstrate why exactly you deserve my mark."
Regulus raises his chin slightly, eyebrows twitching in interest. The more he knows, the easier it will be to bring Voldemort's downfall. The closer he gets, the more information he will receive about the man. This is his first step in the door, and he isn't about to waste it.
"What is it you need me to do?" Regulus asks.
***
Sunday - 19th December, 1976
Sirius
They are going home for Christmas today, which Sirius is very excited about because he's staying with the Lupins for the first half of the holiday. It took a lot to convince his parents to let him stay elsewhere for Christmas this year, but eventually they agreed.
James enters the dorm before the sun has even risen, a pep in his step and a goofy grin smacked across his face. Sirius, who is currently packing his bag at the last minute, watches his friend with amusement. He raises an eyebrow when James notices him. Luckily, Frank and Peter have already gone down to breakfast, so neither of them will wonder where James was all night. Remus, on the other hand, is still fast asleep behind his bed curtains, which is where Sirius was only a few minutes before, and where he would still be if he had packed earlier like Remus told him to.
"Morning, Pads," James says with a small wave. He flops down onto his bed and lets out a contented hum.
"Morning, Prongs. You alright?" Sirius can't help the the slight chuckle that slips into his voice.
"Yeah, I'm great," James responds, grinning up at the canopy above his bed. His expression soon slips into a thoughtful frown. "Is it weird that I'm in love with your brother?" He asks, turning his head so that he's looking at Sirius.
Sirius sits down on his bed, a shirt in his hands still waiting to be folded. "I mean, it's not not weird, but it's also..." He clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth as he thinks of how to word what he means. "Honestly, everything I've been learning about Regulus recently has been a bit weird. You dating him is less strange than figuring out he's my brother, so, in light of everything else, no. It's not that weird."
"Good, I'm really glad that you're okay with it. I was really worried that you were going to be angry with me," James admits, looking bashful.
"I might've been if you told me a year ago, but I would have been mad for all the wrong reasons," Sirius shrugs. "I'm not, though, mad I mean. I'm actually really happy that he's got someone like you keeping him sane."
James' smile returns, practically overtaking his face with how brightly it glows.
"Believe me, he keeps me sane, too," James chuckles. He sits up in his bed so that he's mirroring Sirius' position on his own bed. "Hey, do you want to know what I was thinking about?"
"What's that?"
"If Reg and I end up getting married then you and I will be like proper brothers," James announces cheerfully.
"Oh yeah," Sirius grins. "God, I just pictured your wedding. You know, Regulus doesn't really seem like the marriage type."
"How do you mean?" James asks.
"I don't know, he's just- I feel like he would hate having all of that attention on him," Sirius explains. "Although, I think if you asked him to marry you, he'd say yes in a heartbeat."
"Really?" James lights up again.
"Definitely," Sirius laughs. "He's smitten."
"He is, isn't he?" James grabs his pillow and hugs it to his chest. "Ugh, I miss him already."
"Didn't you see him like ten minutes ago?" Sirius questions.
"More like twenty minutes ago. It took me ages to get back here and we've been talking for about ten minutes," James says. "But that's beside the point. I don't know how I'm supposed to survive the next two weeks."
"James, you survived the whole summer without seeing him. I'm sure you can go two more weeks," Sirius says.
James lets out a laugh that sounds a bit like a scoff. "Like you could survive that long without Remus. You're literally going to stay with him for half of the holidays because you can't stay away from each other for five seconds."
Sirius releases an offended squawk and throws his shirt at James, who lets it hit him in the face. They both laugh and James grabs the shirt and starts whipping Sirius with it. He lets out a pretend pained noise.
There's a loud, drawn out groan from behind Remus' bed curtains and then, a second later, Remus pops his head out. His hair is sticking up all over the place and there's a mark on the side of his face that looks like the fabric of his pillow. He steps out of his bed and sends them both a glare.
"Would you two shut up?" He grumbles.
"Oi, you should treat your man better than that," James declares, pointing at Sirius.
Remus turns around slowly from where he had started heading towards the bathroom. He walks towards them and says, "You're right," before grabbing the shirt out of James' hand. He bends over and presses a quick kiss to Sirius' lips and then, after pulling back, he hits him with the shirt and runs off to the bathroom cackling away. James laughs, too, and Sirius just blinks in shock.
"Moony!" He calls after him. "You're such a fucker."
Remus pops his head out of the bathroom door and smirks. "You know I am."
James lets out a noise that sounds half like a laugh and half like a gasp. Meanwhile, Sirius blushes and tries to hide it as Remus closes the bathroom door behind him. He goes back to packing and ignores the way James asks him if what Remus said was true.
The train journey is long and arduous, but Sirius finds that he doesn't mind it too much this time around. Not when he has his boyfriend pressed up against his side and Remus' arm slung over his shoulders. Sirius finds that he can't stop smiling.
When they arrive at King's Cross, they find Lyall near the front of the crowd. Sirius can't wait until they return to Hogwarts because that's when he'll be starting his apparition lessons, so soon he will be able to apparate them home himself.
They haven't told Remus' parents that they are together yet - even though Hope pretty much already knows after having caught them making out over the summer - so they drop each other's hands before departing from the train. Remus remains close enough that Sirius doesn't even mind the loss of contact.
They say goodbye to all of their friends and then hurry over to Lyall, who looks slightly overwhelmed by the crowd of people surrounding him.
"Hello, boys, are you ready to go?" He asks them.
"Yep, come on," Remus says and they make their way over to one of the open floo networks. Sirius and Remus go through first and stumble out into the Lupins' living room. Hope is waiting for them with open arms, which Sirius instantly hurries into.
"Gosh, I've missed you," she says, squeezing them both. "You, too, Remus."
Sirius laughs when Remus tries to pull himself away from his mother, who simply refuses to let him go until Remus starts putting all of his weight onto her.
"Gravity feels so heavy today," Remus says, grinning as he continues to fall on top of Hope, who lets Sirius go and tries her best to hold up her son.
"Remus, oh for goodness sake. Get off me, you big oaf," Hope shouts, laughing. Remus does eventually stand up properly. Hope reaches up to ruffle his hair and then orders them both to take their things upstairs.
They don't stay upstairs for very long, just enough time for them to put their trunks in Remus' room and for Remus to pull him into one more kiss.
"It's gonna be weird having to pretend we're just best buds," Sirius says, punching Remus' shoulder.
"Yeah, it is. Do you reckon I should throw in a 'mate' every now and then or...?"
"God, no," Sirius shakes his head. "If you do that, I'm going to grab you and kiss you no matter who's around."
"Tempting," Remus smiles.
"Come on, you dolt, we need to go downstairs," Sirius says, grinning to himself as he follows Remus back out of his room and down the stairs.
It takes them only two hours before they're caught.
Hope and Lyall insisted that they go out for dinner, which went fine. Remus kept his hands to himself and Sirius tried not to stare at him too much. They couldn't even hold hands underneath the table because the restaurant was absolutely packed, what with it being so close to Christmas.
They got home and Remus' parents went off to get changed into something more comfortable. The plan was that they were all going to be sitting down in the living room in fifteen minutes with mugs of hot chocolate in their hands and a Christmas movie on the TV.
Remus and Sirius are given the job to make the hot chocolates.
The moment they hear Hope and Lyall's footsteps moving up the stairs, Remus grabs Sirius by his hips and pulls him into his body. Sirius' heart riots in his chest, slamming against the ladder of his ribcage. Remus' soft smile curls into something more smug, his ears quirking up, which tells Sirius he's listening to his heart.
Remus drops his forehead to lean against Sirius' and brushes their noses together. Sirius bunches up Remus' shirt in his fists and pulls him closer until their lips are touching. It's an almost kiss, a teasing little thing really.
"Fuck," Remus whispers.
"Hm?"
"My tad just came down the stairs," Remus mumbles and the words don't register with Sirius at first. So, it takes him a moment before he tries to pull away. However, Remus just continues to hold onto him and pulls him in closer than he was before. Sirius stares up at him with wide eyes, but Remus just smiles and leans in to kiss him. Sirius kisses him back, mind going blank until he hears the tell tale sound of a gasp from behind them.
Remus pulls away from him slowly and then glances over his shoulder. Sirius meets Lyall's wide eyes and a startled laugh escapes him when he notices the expression on the man's face. He doesn't look shocked as Sirius would have suspected, instead he looks absolutely thrilled.
"I knew it," he announces. Then, he turns around on the spot and rushes out of the room, yelling, "Hope, you owe me a hundred quid!"
Remus drops his head against Sirius' shoulder and lets out a small groan before pulling away from him completely. Sirius just stares bemusedly at the door and then turns to look at Remus and can't help but laugh.
"So, your dad knows," he says.
"Yep," Remus tuts. "Sort of regretting that now."
"No, but that was- I mean, it was great! You came out to him, kind of," Sirius winces as he thinks about the fact that now both of Remus' parents have caught them snogging. "Bit of a rough way for him to find out, though."
"Nah, did you see the look on his face?" Remus points with his thumb towards the door. "He was over the fucking moon. I think he was happier than I was about that damn kiss."
"He better bloody not have been," Sirius tuts, putting his hands on his hips.
Remus chuckles. "Of course not."
Hope and Lyall both come speeding into the kitchen as if preparing themselves to catch Sirius and Remus in the act again.
"What does this mean?" Lyall asks them, looking strangely giddy about the whole thing.
Sirius glances up at Remus, who is already looking at him and raises an eyebrow. Sirius just shrugs in response and so they both turn back to his parents.
Hope tuts. "Well, are you guys together or aren't you?"
"Yeah, mam, we are. But the only reason I'm telling you is because tad deserves his money," Remus saying, pointing to his father. "So, pay up."
She sighs and mumbles, "Fine."
"You were betting on us?" Sirius asks, arching an eyebrow.
"Yeah, since you were twelve," Lyall declares.
"Twelve ?" Sirius and Remus say at the same time.
"Well, I'd had a feeling since you were in first year, but your mam was adamant that you and Marie were gonna end up together," Lyall explains. "Of course, she realised I was right the first time she saw you both together, but was too stubborn to admit it. So, we made a bet."
"You were betting against me?" Sirius turns to Hope.
"No, just like Lyall said, I knew he'd win the moment I made the stupid bet," she huffs before passing Lyall his money. She turns back to look at Sirius and Remus, a kind smile lighting up her face. "I'm so glad you finally told us. Believe me, we've been waiting long enough."
"Alright, this is getting too weird for me," Remus announces. "Sirius and I are gonna make the hot chocolates. Go and sit in the living room, you freaks."
"He's so bossy," Hope shakes her head, exasperated.
"Good luck with that one, Sirius," Lyall winks at him and Sirius has to bite down on his lip to stop himself from laughing again.
Thursday - 23rd December, 1976
On the evening before Christmas Eve, Sirius and Remus make their way over to Felix's house. He's having a Christmas party and, after hearing that both of the boys would be in Wales for the holidays, had invited them to come along.
Sirius has spent the last few months sending letters back and forth with Marie, which isn't something he could have ever predicted himself doing. This time last year, he didn't like Marie very much, and the only reason for that was because she had fallen in love with the same person Sirius was in love with. After the summer, when he caught her in a vulnerable moment, where he leant a helping hand, he had time to reflect and realised that his reasons for not liking the girl were stupid.
Especially because Marie has always been sweet to him, even when she knew that Sirius liked Remus. She never disliked him for it, nor did she ever blame him for the breakup that occurred between her and Remus. She's always been open-minded and kind towards Sirius, a friend really. That's what she is now.
It was clear to Sirius over the last couple of months whenever he would receive a letter from Marie that Remus was confused over their new found friendship, but he seemed happy by the fact and never pointed it out.
It was in October when Sirius finally decided to ask Marie what was going on between her and Hugo. He had seen the brief moment shared between them in her bathroom that day Sirius cut Marie's hair, and it had been playing on his mind ever since. He knew Hugo already fancied Marie, as he had admitted as such when they were only fourteen, the same night Sirius admitted to the boy that he liked Remus. Or, well, Hugo had guessed.
Marie's response had proved him right. She liked Hugo right back.
So, Sirius' goal tonight is to help speed things along a bit, because they're both clearly being just as obnoxiously oblivious as Sirius and Remus were being not a few months ago. He knows he probably shouldn't meddle, but he can't help himself. Remus doesn't know of his plans, but that has more to do with the fact that he doesn't know about Hugo and Marie's feelings for each other than anything else.
When they arrive, they walk right through the front door and are instantly overwhelmed by the amount of people lingering in the front corridor. Remus takes Sirius' hand, smiling at him, and pulls him through to one of the rooms in the house. He must know where he's going as he takes Sirius right to the kitchen, where they find Hugo and Cara.
Cara is busy wiping up a spilled drink, a frustrated expression on her face, while Hugo leans back against the fridge, bopping his head to the music emanating through from the living room. He springs up from his slouched position when he spots Sirius and Remus making their way into the room, grinning.
"Hey, you made it," he greets them, patting Remus on the back and fist-bumping Sirius.
"Yeah, sorry we're late. Couldn't get this one to leave the house without doing his hair care," Remus says in a mocking voice, but he sends Sirius a teasing smile.
Hugo laughs when Sirius narrows his eyes at Remus, who just squeezes his hand and then, surprising Sirius, he arcs his arm over Sirius' head and wraps it around him, pulling him into his space.
Hugo looks confused for about two seconds before it seems to hit him, his eyes widen and he looks at Sirius. Then, Cara turns around, grimacing at the way the alcohol has made her hand sticky. When she spots the position Sirius and Remus are standing in, she looks ready to take a step backwards out of shock.
"Oh," she says. "Wait, are you two...?"
Sirius nods at the same time Remus presses a kiss into his hair. His stomach fills with butterflies at the action; Remus would never do this if they were at Hogwarts. Sirius is a bit surprised that he's acting so affectionate towards him in front of this many people at all, even if they are a bunch of random Muggles.
"Nice one," Hugo grins and nudges Sirius' shoulder.
"Okay, I'm pissed off. How did I miss this?" Cara grumbles to herself. When she glances back up at them, she smiles again. "Sorry, I just... I normally see these things coming. I'm annoyed that I had no idea. Who else knows?"
"All of our friends at school," Sirius answers.
"And my parents," Remus adds.
"So, Felix and Marie have no idea?" Cara asks.
"Oh, wait, Marie knows, too," Sirius admits. "She found out over the summer."
"I can't believe you told Marie before you told me," Cara huffs, crossing her arms. "I thought we were closer than that."
Remus snorts. "Of course, you're my favourite. I didn't tell Marie, she found out all by herself."
"Good," Cara nods, smirking. "So, boys then?"
Sirius turns to look at Remus and finds him blushing. "Yeah, boys are very nice. Girls are, too."
"Yeah, they are," Hugo and Cara say at the same time.
The three boys all turn to Cara, who just stares back brazenly and shrugs. "What?"
"Nothing," Sirius shakes his head. "Just, nice."
She smiles, "Thanks. Anyway, I should probably go and find Felix before he starts drunk-crying because he can't find me."
"We'll go with you," Remus says. He unwraps himself from around Sirius, but keeps their hands linked. Sirius pulls away from him and when Remus turns around to look at him, he tells him that he's going to stay and catch up with Hugo. Remus nods and wanders off with Cara to find Felix.
Sirius wastes no time, turning on his heel to face Hugo. "Do you still like Marie?"
"Ssh," Hugo hisses, eyes widening. "Jeez, why would you say that out loud?"
"Erm, because I wanted to know the answer?"
Hugo rolls his eyes. "Well, yeah, I guess."
"That's great!" Sirius yells.
"Be quiet about it," Hugo whispers, as if Marie is going to pop out of the fridge and announce she heard everything. "Why are you even asking?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out," Sirius grins. "Where is Marie anyway?"
"In the living room, I think."
"Great, let's go, I want to say hello," Sirius says, grabbing Hugo's arm and dragging him from the kitchen and into the living room. Sirius spots Marie almost instantly. She's not actually in the living room anymore, she's in the room attached to the living room, playing pool against some guy with dark, curly hair.
"Her hair looks amazing," Sirius marvels, watching the way Marie tucks it behind her ear when it falls into her eye. It's grown enough since the summer that it's started to curl again. It still falls short, but it suits her diamond-shaped face and big, blue eyes. Sirius thinks he can see a tiny plait braided under the layers.
"Yeah, it does," Hugo says, sounding slightly wistful. Sirius tries not laugh.
"She looks good in general. How long has she been clean now?" Sirius asks innocently.
"Almost nine months," Hugo responds, smiling proudly. "You know, the last time she had the urge, she told me that she needed to do something impulsive to fight it, so she dragged me to some guy's house. Apparently, he was one of her friends from that time when she wasn't in school, and she forced me to watch her get a tattoo. I'm not supposed to tell Cara or Felix because they'll definitely tell her off, but I doubt you're going to do that."
"Of course not. I kinda want to know where this tattoo guy lives, I've always wanted one," Sirius confesses. "What tattoo did she get?"
"A cross. She started going to church again and she said if she was going to break the rules then she was going to do it in a way God would be able to appreciate," Hugo snorts as he recounts the memory. "It's only small, but she got it behind her ear. Her hair hides it mostly, unless she tucks it back."
They approach the pool table then and Marie lets out a howl of celebration when she shoots the black ball into the hole (don't ask Sirius the pool ball names, he has no fucking clue). She chucks her stick on the table and does a little excited spin - Sirius assumes this means she won the game - and that's when she spots them.
"Sirius!" She grins, practically jumping into his arms. "You're here."
"I'm here," Sirius grins. He lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "I heard you got a tattoo."
Marie frowns for a moment, like she is confused how he could know such a thing, but then it seems to dawn on her. She turns to Hugo, eyes slightly narrowed, and whacks him one.
"You told him?"
"You never said I couldn't tell Sirius," Hugo shrugs, smiling even after Marie's attack.
"Idiot," she tuts, shaking her head. Marie turns back to Sirius and pulls her hair back, showing him her tattoo. "What do you think?"
"Very beautiful," Sirius nods. "I want one."
"When you're older," she pats him patronisingly on the cheek.
"I'm literally older than you, you're born in January," Sirius points out.
Marie just shrugs.
Sirius turns to Hugo and, with an evil smirk, asks, "What do you think about Marie's tattoo, Hugo? It's cute, isn't it?"
"Sirius," Marie hisses.
"Yeah, it's- well, I mean it's, uhm..." Hugo stutters out. Sirius nudges Marie and gestures to Hugo, who has turned as red as the Gryffindor emblem. "It's, yeah, it's nice."
Marie frowns curiously, glances at Sirius, who widens his eyes purposefully, and then looks back at Hugo, who is downing his drink. When she looks at Sirius again, he pointedly nods and then nudges her closer to Hugo, who sends Sirius an accusing look.
"Hugo," Marie says.
"Yeah?"
"Come with me," she holds out her hand and Hugo hurries to grab it. A small smile slithers it's way onto her face. Marie sends one more look Sirius' way before she and Hugo leave the room altogether.
Sirius hopes Marie understood his signals. He'll be disappointed if she didn't because he made it very obvious.
He wanders around, grabs a drink, and ends up finding Remus, Felix and Cara in a bedroom. Sirius assumes it's Felix's bedroom as there are film posters stuck to every single wall, some pealing off the wall, and some visibly older than others. Remus and Cara are spread out on the bed, whilst Felix is sat at the desk chair in the corner of the room.
They all turn to look at the door when Sirius enters the room, but only Remus bothers to get up. Sirius closes the door behind him and makes his way over to the bed. He sits down next to Remus, who is now sitting up, too. Cara is still lying down, eyes on the ceiling.
"I think I just caused a miracle to happen," Sirius tells the room.
"What do you mean?" Remus asks.
"If it worked, then you'll know by the time the night ends," Sirius replies mysteriously.
They hang out in there for a little while and Sirius finds out that Remus told Felix about them, so now all of Remus' friends from home know about them. Sirius is relieved that they don't have to bother hiding it anymore, it was getting very tiring.
They wander back down to the rest of the party at about ten o'clock, since Felix should be "chaperoning" instead of hiding away in his bedroom because it is his party after all, or whatever it was the boy had said.
"I need a smoke," Remus murmurs, pulling out his packet of cigarettes and the lighter in the pocket of his jeans. Sirius and Cara say they could do with one, too, and Felix, reluctantly, decides to join them. Not to smoke, though, he makes that very clear.
They wander out onto the veranda and right as Remus goes to pass Sirius a cigarette, his hand freezes mid-air. Sirius frowns and then realises Remus is looking at something. He follows his boyfriend's gaze and his jaw drops at what he finds.
Marie and Hugo, kissing, pushed right up against the house. And suddenly it's two years ago all over again and Sirius is watching Remus snogging Marie. It's strange, he thinks, the way both of Marie's first kisses with the boys happened in the same way.
"Oh, finally," Cara whispers in a celebratory tone. She turns to Sirius and Remus. "See, now, I knew about them."
"Eugh, they squashing my mam's geraniums," Felix complains. His voice alerts the snogging couple to their intruders, and they both turn to look at everyone. Hugo looks embarrassed, his face glowing pink, but Marie just looks slightly dizzy.
"Well, what're you all just standing there for?" Marie half-shouts. "Fuck off then."
It's Remus who laughs first, but he is soon followed by everyone else on the porch, even Hugo and Marie themselves. They all respect Marie's wishes and eventually scramble their way back into the house, leaving the two of them out there on their own again.
Remus looks at Sirius and mouths, "What the fuck?"
Sirius just shrugs and says, "I told you. A miracle."
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- another Lily pov because I'm in love with her :)
- Pandalily!!!! FINALLYYYY
- James and Regulus finally did the deed 😏
- "collapsing like a marionette with it's strings cut" - I hope you guys get the reference 💀
- "just five months left" hahaha funny joke regulus haha you're so funny ☹
- I just want to warn you guys again because a couple of people have asked me about it, but Rosekiller are going to be a slow slow slow slow slowww burn. They're only sixteen right now, and dealing with a lot as it is, so I'm trying to match the progression of their relationship with my plans for them but also with what feels natural :)
- Evan "I can't believe you're a bottom" Rosier HAHAH
- Regulus has a task, I wonder what it could be 🤔
- James is basically planning their wedding whilst Regulus is planning their breakup...
- Hope and Lyall are the best parents ever, I don't make the rules
- Cara is definitely bisexual btw
- Hugo and Marie!! <3I know this chapter is early, but I had it ready, so I thought why not just give it to you guys. The next chapter won't be out until the 17th (that's the plan anyway). See you next chapter! :)
EDIT: the next chapter will actually be out on the 18th or 19th 👍
Chapter 80: Sixth Year: Hammer to Fall
Notes:
WARNING:
-explicit sexual content
-angst
-mentions of war
-a few people come out (one as non-binary, the other two are sexuality coming-outs)This chapter is like 70% Remus and 30% James, that's just the way it ended up being, idk why it's so uneven
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You don't waste no time at all
Don't hear the bell but you answer the call
It comes to you as to us all
We're just waiting
For the Hammer To Fall
~ Queen
Friday - 31st December, 1976
Remus
On New Year's Eve, Remus' parents are invited over to a friend's house for the evening, leaving the boys alone for the night. They spend the first couple of hours in Remus' bedroom, taking advantage of the rare free moment they have. It's been a couple of days since they were alone for long enough to do anything more than snogging.
Afterwards, Sirius hops up from Remus' bed, body bare and pale skin contrasting against the red of the bedroom walls. He steps into his boxers and then wanders over to the drawers on the other side of the room and pulls out one of Remus' old t-shirts before slipping it on. It falls halfway down his thighs and the sleeves reach to past his elbows.
Remus wants to eat him.
"What are you doing sitting there like a wet lemon?" Sirius asks, smirking in that smug way he does when he knows he's had an effect on Remus. "I'm hungry, let's go make dinner."
Remus rolls his eyes fondly, but gets up out of his bed finally. He throws on a pair of pyjama bottoms and the jumper he was wearing earlier before it was discarded on the floor. Sirius waits for him by the open door, and only when Remus is dressed does he actually leave the room.
It takes them far too long to make the pasta bake they had planned for dinner than it should. Sirius, Remus has come to find, is very distracting. Especially when he's dancing on the kitchen floor of Remus' childhood home, socks sliding against the cold tiles, humming along to the song coming from the radio in the corner. He's mixing the saucepan full of pasta, hips swaying, hair up in a bun that only helps to show off the sharpness of his jawline, when Remus comes up behind him. Sirius leans backwards into him, resting his head against Remus' chest, whose hands slip under the over-sized shirt and grip at the other boy's prominent hipbones.
"Moony," Sirius lightly scolds, hitting one of his hands with the wooden stirrer in his grip. "You're insatiable."
"I can't help it," Remus murmurs, mouth close to Sirius' ear. He feels his boyfriend shudder beneath him and can't help the smile that curls at his lips. "The moon's in five days, everything's heightened..."
Sirius twists the hob on the oven off and puts down the wooden spatula. He turns under Remus' hands, so that they're facing each other, and loops his arms around Remus' shoulders.
"I know," Sirius whispers, lips tipping up at the edges fondly. "Let's get dinner done first. We have all night."
Remus concedes and they finish making dinner. They eat in the living room, squished together on one of the couches under a blanket, an old Disney movie playing on the telly. Remus finishes his food first and then ends up eating half of Sirius' when he promises he's too full to finish it himself.
When the movie comes to an end, Remus reaches for the remote, which is lying on the coffee table, and switches the TV off. He turns to catch a glimpse of Sirius, expecting to find him snuggled into his side, eyes still on the TV. Instead, he catches Sirius already watching him, a warm and loving expression on his face.
Remus doesn't think he will ever get used to being loved by Sirius.
"What's that sappy look for?" Remus pokes Sirius' cheek gently.
Sirius just tightens the arms he has wrapped around Remus' middle and buries his nose into his jumper, inhaling slowly. He lets out a low, contented noise.
"I just love you, that's all," Sirius whispers.
Remus smiles to himself, feeling as his heart thunders in his chest at Sirius' easy proclamation. He strokes the few strands of hair that have fallen out of Sirius' bun away from his face and presses a lingering kiss to the top of his head.
"What time is it?" Sirius asks.
Remus glances over at the clock just above the backdoor and says, "Just gone ten."
"Oh, so we have some time before it hits midnight then," Sirius grins. His hands slide away from Remus' back and glide up his chest, moving higher and higher until he's cupping his face instead. His thumbs stroke along Remus' cheekbones, making him feel like something precious. Sirius leans in and kisses him sweetly; it's brief, just a tender brush of their lips, but it somehow holds more love than anything else they have ever done together.
Before Sirius can move much further away, Remus tugs on his shirt, pulling him back in. He engulfs Sirius' lips with his own, their mouths colliding in something far less gentle and much more passionate than the sweet touch they shared only a second before. His hands drop to Sirius' thighs as the other boy climbs into his lap, straddling him. His fingertips trail up the surface of Sirius' skin, climbing beneath the t-shirt he's wearing, and stopping to cup his arse.
"Moony," Sirius whispers into his mouth, their foreheads pressed together.
"Yeah, sweetheart?"
"Let's go upstairs."
Rather than letting Sirius go as he probably should, Remus just stands from his spot on the couch, carrying Sirius with him, who lets out a small shriek and hurries to wrap his legs around Remus' hips.
When they get up to his bedroom, Remus sits down on the edge of his bed and lets Sirius use his hands to push him back into the mattress. He hovers over him and then instructs Remus to move further up the bed, which he does instantly. Sirius follows him, shedding his socks, underwear and the t-shirt as he goes. Remus pulls off his jumper, but when he goes to discard his trousers, Sirius nudges his hand away. He digs his own fingers into the waistband of Remus' pyjamas and drags them down his legs. Remus lifts his hips to help the process along and soon is left as naked as Sirius.
Sirius chucks the plaid bottoms away and grabs Remus' knees, spreading his legs apart wordlessly before lowering himself between them. Remus' heart pounds in his chest as he watches Sirius grab his wand and cast a lubrication spell on his fingers. He presses a finger against Remus' entrance and glances up at him in a way that can only be described as sinful, before pushing his finger in to the knuckle.
Remus lets out a small gasp, biting down on his bottom lip to stop himself from making too much noise. His house is pretty rural, but there could be people walking the streets, and everyone knows everyone around here. So, Remus doesn't want anyone to come complaining to his parents about any suspicious noises they might have heard on New Year's Eve.
Sirius works him open with his fingers and, with his other hand, he holds Remus' thigh with a reverence that strongly disparities what he's doing with his left hand. He presses soothing kisses to Remus' inner thigh, causing him to squirm slightly, especially when Sirius bites down with his teeth before licking over the spot.
"Mmh, fuck, Sirius I- I'm ready-" Remus manages to stutter out. Honestly, he's slightly surprised that his brain is functioning enough to remember what words even are right now.
Sirius pulls his fingers out and casts a cleaning spell on them before casting another lubrication spell on his dick. He climbs over Remus' body, not completely enveloping him like Remus would were their positions swapped because Sirius is a lot smaller than Remus is. Still, he holds all the power here as he lines himself perfectly outside of Remus' entrance and then pushes in.
They have only done this a couple of times before, mainly because they both prefer it the other way, but that doesn't mean that Remus doesn't enjoy this, too.
One of his hands reaches up to bury itself in Sirius' hair, gripping at it tightly in a way that rips a moan from deep in Sirius' chest. His other hand plants itself on Sirius' hip and holds him tight enough to bruise as he guides him closer and closer with each thrust.
Sirius kisses a line along Remus' jaw and then wraps his lips around the pulse point in his neck, sucking and swirling his tongue. Remus lets out a groan and drops his lips to Sirius' exposed shoulder, where he decides to reciprocate. He presses his teeth to Sirius' skin and bites, not hard enough to break skin, but enough to leave a mark. Once upon a time, he would have been terrified of the thought of biting anyone for any reason, but he finds that he can't quite control himself when Sirius has him like this.
Their mouths meet in a hot crash of lips and teeth, breathy and messy as Sirius continues to fuck him. His pace ramps up the closer he gets. When Remus starts to feel the familiar curl of warmth in his lower abdomen, his guidance on Sirius' hip grows more insistent. Sirius understands instantly and starts moving more swiftly, burying himself as deeply inside of Remus as he can get, his tip brushing against Remus' prostate felicitously.
"Sirius," he whines, unable to say anything more than his name. "I-"
"I know, darling," Sirius whispers. He's never called Remus that before, and, for some reason, it's hearing the term of endearment, the way it falls softly past Sirius' lips, naturally, that has Remus tipping over the edge. Sirius finishes the moment Remus' walls begin to tighten around him.
Saturday - 1st January, 1977
They sit side by side on the step just outside the backdoor to his house. Sirius is tucked up beneath one of Remus' arms, head on his shoulder. They talk in whispers, even though no one else can hear them out here in the fields, especially not this late at night, but it feels wrong to speak any louder when it's this dark out. They laugh between themselves, something just for them. And when the fireworks start to go off, Remus casts a tempus spell to check the time.
"Happy New Year, Sirius," Remus says.
"Happy New Year, Moony," Sirius whispers back before kissing him.
Remus thinks, kissing Sirius Tonks is a good omen; the perfect start to the perfect year. If only he knew how naïve that thought truly was; maybe then, when it all came crashing down, it wouldn't have felt so monumental. Maybe, if he hadn't let himself be consumed by the boy in front of him, it wouldn't have ruined him so.
Maybe.
Maybe...
Wednesday - 5th January, 1977
Remus is glad to see his friends again once he makes it to the train. He kisses Sirius in the compartment, away from prying eyes, because he hasn't seen him since Sunday, which is when he left Wales to spend the last couple days of the holidays with his parents and sister. Mary makes a naww sound before pulling them both into a hug, disrupting their kiss.
They all catch up on what they did over the holidays; James tells them about how Marlene came over a couple of days ago to play some Quidditch, and then Frank starts complaining because apparently his mother took him on a trip to America over the break and he wasn't allowed to fly once the whole two weeks. James promises him that they can go out for a fly later if he wants, which brings a smile back to Frank's face.
An hour into their journey, Sirius tells Remus that he's going to see if he can find Regulus. Remus knows that the two of them kept in touch over the holidays via the notebooks Regulus gifted Sirius for his birthday, but he also knows that Sirius has been worried about the boy anyway. Sometimes it's still a bit strange to hear Sirius sound so concerned about Regulus. It's just that they hated each other for so long - or at least strongly disliked each other - so, it can take Remus' mind a bit of time to catch up whenever they say something nice about the other, or treat each other kindly.
Sirius is gone for just over an hour; when he returns, there's a small crease between his eyebrows, which tells Remus he's been frowning. The moment Sirius is back by his side, he leans down to whisper, "Is Regulus alright?"
Sirius gives him a look, something conflicted passes through his eyes. Then, almost imperceptibly, he shakes his head.
"What's wrong? Do you want to go somewhere to talk about it?" Remus frowns, feeling his own worry spike at the idea that Regulus might not be okay.
Before responding, Sirius' eyes wander over to James, who Remus now realises is watching their interaction like a hawk. He looks scared, and Remus can't really blame him. He knows James has been worrying about Regulus for years, much longer than Sirius has.
"Let's wait until we get back to Hogwarts," Sirius settles on, turning back to Remus. He lowers his voice, "James should hear this, too."
"Alright," Remus reluctantly agrees, sagging back into his chair. He winces as he sits funnily on his tailbone; the full moon is tonight and he isn't feeling very optimistic about it. His body has been aching all week, though he is sure that is partially due to what he and Sirius were up to on New Year's. The memory brings a flush to his cheeks.
At some point between London and Scotland, Miriam and Charlotte find their ways to their compartment. Charlotte sits down beside James, who instantly starts asking her about her Christmas. Remus snorts when she blushes and tucks her hair behind her ear bashfully. When Sirius looks at him questioningly, Remus simply gestures to Charlotte and James, and it doesn't take long before Sirius lets out a laugh.
"What?" Miriam pokes him.
"None of your business," Sirius smirks. "How was your Christmas? Was Elliot happy to see you?"
Miriam immediately brightens at the mention of her little brother and Remus watches on fondly as Miriam tells Sirius all about her Christmas. Sirius reacts perfectly to everything she says, gasping when she tells him about the new fancy wand box her parents bought her for Christmas, and laughing when Miriam starts retelling the events of her Christmas morning - when her dad apparently accidentally upended the Christmas tree after falling on top of it because he tripped over one of Elliot's new toys.
"I really hope he gets his Hogwarts letter this month," Miriam mumbles, frowning down at the ground. "I'll be really sad if he doesn't get to be a Wizard, too."
"I know, little one," Sirius says sombrely, resting a comforting hand on his cousin's shoulder. "But, even if he doesn't get a letter, he's still magical in his own way. Don't you love him any less for it."
"I could never," Miriam claims fiercely. "If he doesn't get his letter, I am going to force you to buy one of every single sweet from Honeydukes the next time you go to Hogsmeade, so I can give them to him when I see him at Easter."
Sirius laughs loudly at that. "Okay then."
When they arrive at Hogsmeade's station, they take the carriages back up to the school because it's raining and about ten degrees colder in Scotland than it had been back in London. It doesn't take them very long to reach the castle, and when they get there, McGonagall is busy yelling at them all to hurry inside because of the downpour. Their shoes slide against the marble floor of the castle, squeaking and causing a few people to slip over. Remus casts a drying charm on the ground right after Sirius slips and has to grab onto his arm just so that he doesn't topple headfirst into the ground.
Dumbledore isn't around like he usually is at the beginning of every school term. Normally, he'll give them some speech about being there for each other in these troubled times, but, today, he's nowhere to be seen.
Lily jumps into the seat between James and Remus and squeezes each of them into tight hugs.
"Oh, I missed you lot," she says as she leans over Remus to ruffle Sirius' hair. He makes a grumbling noise, but Remus notices him smiling. "I have news."
"What is it this time? Did McGonagall give you full marks on the end of term test?" Marlene snorts.
"No, she actually does have news," Azalia confirms, taking a seat between Frank and Alice, who slide along the bench to make room for her. "Don't take this moment from her. I've had to hear about it for the last two weeks straight."
"What's up, Lily?" James asks her, giving her his full attention.
"I kissed Pandora," Lily announces, blushing as she does.
"No fucking way," Sirius gasps.
"Language," Lily scolds, tutting (as if she doesn't swear like a sailor whenever Sirius isn't around).
"Way to go, Lils," Mary reaches out to high-five her.
"Wait, so does this mean you two are..." Remus raises an eyebrow.
"Well, that's the thing," Lily bites down on her bottom lip, a mildly distressed look on her face. "I have no idea. I just saw her and she kissed me again, but we haven't actually really spoken about it."
"You should ask her out on a date," Alice suggests, voice soft. "I'm sure Pandora would love that."
Lily nods as she thinks this over. "Yeah, okay, I'm going to do it."
"Right now?" Sirius asks, raising an eyebrow.
"No," Lily instantly says. "I'll do it after dinner."
In the end, Lily doesn't even get a chance to ask Pandora out because, before dessert is even being served, Pandora wanders over to the Gryffindor table. James moves to make room for her, letting her sit next to Lily. She thanks him with a light smile before turning to Lily.
"Lily Evans."
"Pandora... Rosier?" Lily questions, bemused.
"What are you doing on Saturday?" Pandora asks, reaching up to tuck some of Lily's hair behind her ear. Remus watches as Lily stills, her hand clenching around the bench beneath her. It's a struggle not to laugh. In fact, he slaps Sirius' knee as subtly as he can beneath the table the moment he hears him snort.
"Not much, probably Hogsmeade," Lily replies, sounding overly indifferent, like she's putting it on.
Pandora grins at this. "I would love it if you went with me. Does that sound like something you would want to do?"
"Yeah, definitely," Lily says quickly. "I mean, uh, yeah. Okay."
Pandora says something along the lines of, "It's a date," before bidding goodbye to everybody and sending Lily one final smile as she leaves to go back over to the Ravenclaw table.
"Looks like she beat you to it," Sirius snorts. Remus rolls his eyes and lightly hits him upside the head. "Ow, Moony!"
"Shut up, you dolt," Remus tuts. He turns to Lily. "Sorry about Sirius and his lack of discretion."
"I'm used to him by now," Lily just shrugs. She inhales slowly and then a smile blooms across her face. "I have a date."
"Yes, you do, Lily," Mary grins at her. "I am so excited. I've been waiting for this day to come forever. Now, I'm just waiting on Marlene and Azalia."
"Oi," Marlene huffs, but Azalia just ignores her.
"What? There's nothing wrong with it, I'm just impatient," Mary shrugs. "Plus, I'm bored. This whole swearing off dating this is mind-numbing."
"Boys are mind-numbing," Marlene retorts in a grumble.
"Hey," Frank, Sirius and Peter say at the same time.
"Hence why I like girls, too," Mary winks. Marlene rolls her eyes, but Remus notices her cheeks turn faintly pink.
When they make it up to the dormitories, Sirius wraps a hand around James' elbow, catching his attention, and gestures for him to follow him and Remus towards the bathroom. James immediately goes, no questions asked, likely already knowing why Sirius needs to talk to him.
Peter and Frank don't even spare the three of them a second glance when they start entering the bathroom together. It isn't unusual, since Remus and James are always in here talking.
The moment Remus shuts the door behind them, James moves over to Sirius, who is sitting on the edge of the bath. He looks older somehow and Remus isn't sure when or how it happened. There are faint stress lines on his face and a dullness to his eyes that shouldn't be there, not at seventeen. He looks like he's got the world weighing down on his shoulders.
"What did Reg say?" James asks, towering over Sirius as he stands. Remus remains leaning against the door, already feeling as the moon starts to pull at his muscles.
"It wasn't what he said," Sirius shakes his head, glancing up at James with a solemn expression. "It was the way he was acting. He wouldn't meet my eye and when I asked him how his break went, he kept dodging the question. I don't think they actually did anything to him physically, because he usually reacts differently when I ask him about that. This is something else."
"What do you think it could be?" James sounds more worried than Remus has ever heard him. He bites down on the skin around his thumb, an anxious habit Remus has noticed a lot over the years.
"I don't know, but I..." Sirius hesitates.
"What is it, Sirius?" Remus frowns.
Sirius directs his gaze towards Remus. "What if they're getting to him?"
"Getting to him? What do you mean?" James asks, somewhat frantically. He starts pacing, which makes Remus dizzy. He wants to shout at him to stop, but he knows that's just the wolf talking, and James is really distressed at the moment, so Remus shouting at him won't help with anything.
"I mean, it's no secret that most Pureblood families, especially families like the Blacks, are joining..." Sirius' eyes drop to the floor before clenching shut, like he can't even believe he's thinking this, let alone saying it aloud.
"No," James shakes his head, stopping on the spot. He sounds so certain that Remus finds it hard to doubt him. "No, Sirius. He isn't like that."
"I know he isn't... now," Sirius says softly, reluctantly, "but that doesn't mean they aren't trying to persuade him to be like them. And it's not as if he has anyone telling him otherwise whilst he's at home. I mean, it must be difficult listening to it all, especially when it's coming from people who actually believe what they're saying. Sometimes, things can just... slip past-"
"No!" James yells, then instantly looks apologetic. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. "No, okay? Just, stop saying things like that. Regulus isn't like them and he never will be, he told me he wouldn't."
Sirius just watches James for a moment longer before nodding slowly, "Okay, James."
"I- I'm gonna go see him," James mumbles to himself. "I won't bring up what you said because it isn't true."
With one final look Remus' way, James leaves the bathroom. Remus closes the door behind him and then locks it. He moves over to sit beside Sirius on the edge of the bathtub.
"There's something else, isn't there?" Remus queries.
Sirius sighs. "It's Orion, he's really sick. Regulus doesn't think he's got very long left, and he's been mad at him for so long. It's just..." He lets out a low frustrated noise. "Orion is all he has left, other than Narcissa, but even she's tangled up in all of this. Regulus hasn't outright said it, but I'm pretty sure her husband is on You-Know-Who's side, and I'm assuming Narcissa supports her husband. So, the only people Regulus trusts when he's at home is the wife of a potential Death Eater, and his father, who he's so angry at, Remus. Even now. And I can't even tell him that he shouldn't be because I don't have the right, but god I just- I want to tell him to just suck it the fuck up and forgive the man, because, yes, some of the things he has done have been selfish, but he's- he's a good father. I believe that. As his son, I believe that," Sirius finally meets his eyes, sincerity bleeds through them. "And Regulus needs his support now more than ever."
"The Blacks are fighting on the opposite side of the war, aren't they?" Remus asks in a whisper.
Sirius is still for a second but then he nods like it kills him to do so.
"What do I do, Remus? I don't know what to do. I'm his big brother, I'm supposed to be there for him. I want to get him out, but it's going to take time, and I don't know if I have that time," Sirius' voice breaks as he continues to speak. Remus reaches out and takes one of his hands in his. A couple of tears trail their way down Sirius' cheeks. "What if I can't save him?"
"You can, Sirius," Remus says.
"No, but what if I-"
"Sirius, you're not listening to me," Remus murmurs, reaching forward to wipe Sirius' cheeks clean. "He may not have his father or Narcissa, but he has you. Even though you aren't there with him when he goes home, that doesn't mean he doesn't still have you on his side. You need to be there for him, do whatever it takes to show him that you aren't going to give up on him, that he matters to you. Show him you love him."
Sirius blinks like he hadn't even considered that a possibility before. "Love?"
"Well, you do, don't you?" Remus frowns, wondering if he misread that.
"I- I mean... I haven't really thought about it before," Sirius croaks. "But, yeah, I- I think I do."
Remus smiles. "Then let him know. Believe me, it could change everything."
"What if he doesn't love me back, though? I was horrible to him for years, I'm still surprised he even gives me the time of day," he huffs out a small laugh.
"Even if he doesn't love you yet, he will," Remus speaks with full certainty. Sirius turns to look at him again, his blue eyes big and vulnerable. "But between you and me, I'm pretty sure that he already does."
Sirius smiles. It's small and almost instantly cracks into a frown when he starts to cry again, but Remus sees it. He wraps his arms around Sirius and pulls him into his chest, hoping to comfort him at least a little bit.
Saturday - 15th January, 1977
"We're gonna kill 'em!" Sirius yells.
"Crush them!" Frank adds, far too loud for this early in the morning.
"Or you could just, you know, beat them," Remus suggests sarcastically. "Since you're playing Quidditch and not fighting for your bloody lives."
"Buzzkill," Azalia says, pointing her thumbs down.
"Boo, Moony," Sirius blows a raspberry.
"Ew, you just spat on me," Peter complains, wiping his face.
"I don't get why you lot get so riled up on game days anyway," Lily tuts, shaking her head like a disapproving mother.
"Ravenclaw have been lethal this year, Evans," Sirius declares and Lily just rolls her eyes in response. Sirius opens his mouth to retort - which will likely result in a fight between the two of them; and when Lily and Sirius fight, it lasts for days and days - but before he can say anything, Remus places his hand on his thigh beneath the table. Sirius' mouth clicks shut in an instant as he turns to look at Remus.
"Enough, Pads," he murmurs lowly. Sirius nods and doesn't bother Lily anymore.
Remus lets his hand slide up Sirius' thigh and smirks slightly as he watches Sirius' eyes widen, but he does well to contain his reaction to the touch. He likes it when Sirius wears his Quidditch kit, especially the trousers he has to wear. They're so... tight, perfectly fitted if you ask Remus.
When Remus' hand settles at the top of Sirius' thigh, he turns to him with surprised and expectant eyes. Remus leans in and whispers, "Later," before turning away from his boyfriend completely and slipping his hand away.
Twenty minutes later, Remus is sitting in the Gryffindor stands with Mary, Lily, Alice and Peter. Charlotte and Miriam come to join them, fitting into the space between Mary and Remus. Miriam smiles widely at Remus, who grins back at her, fond of the girl. It's hard not to be; she reminds him so much of how Sirius was at that age: loud, dramatic, and full of life. Not that Sirius isn't all of those things now, but it was so much more when they were younger, likely because Sirius' personality was miles bigger than his tiny body had been at only eleven-years-old.
The game starts off just as intensely as Remus expected it would be. He hasn't paid very much attention to the matches that have taken place this year, not unless Gryffindor have been playing. The only reason he watches now is because he loves watching Sirius fly, he's terribly good at it. Plus, he just looks so hot when he's on a broom.
"My cousin is so cool," Miriam says breathlessly. Remus takes his eyes off Sirius long enough to glance at Miriam, who is watching Sirius fly with wide eyes full of admiration.
"James is cooler," Charlotte announces. Then, much to Remus' amusement, she adds, "And cuter."
"Ew," Mary and Miriam say at the same time.
Remus lets out a loud laugh.
"Please do not tell me you have a crush on James," Mary whines, staring down at her little sister imploringly. Charlotte doesn't flinch away from her sister's gaze. Instead, she simply shrugs.
"I'm surprised you don't. You always fancy everyone," Charlotte mutters.
"Shut up, no I don't," Mary tuts. "Besides, James is like my brother, which means he's like your brother, too, so you can't fancy him."
"Now, you made it gross," Charlotte frowns.
"I think you did that all by yourself," Mary huffs, smirking now. "Just watch the game and stop drooling over James." She shivers and Charlotte harrumphs before crossing her arms and glaring towards the pitch.
Miriam leans towards Remus, who bends enough for her to whisper in his ear. "Charlotte has been going on and on about James since November. I haven't told her about his secret boyfriend, though, because I know she isn't allowed to know, so I just let her get on with it."
Remus frowns and stares down at the girl with cautious eyes. "James' what now?"
Miriam rolls her eyes, looking far too sure of herself for a twelve-year-old. "I'm not blind. Plus, sometimes I follow Regulus around when I'm bored, and a week or so ago, I saw him and James sneaking into an empty classroom together."
Remus blinks. "You're... scarily observant for your age."
"I know," Miriam smiles like Remus has just complimented her. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It's a secret for a reason, yeah?"
"Yeah," Remus nods, turning back to the game. "Don't bring it up to anyone, not even James. He can be a bit touchy about the whole thing."
"Okay," Miriam shrugs as if it's as simple as that, and Remus thinks that maybe, to her, it is.
In the end, Gryffindor win, but it's a close thing. Miriam jumps up from her seat and cheers louder than most of the students around them, if that's even possible. Sirius flies past the stands where they're sitting and waves at her, which makes her beam brightly. He sends a wink Remus' way, who just raises his eyebrow in return. Sirius cackles before flying off.
Sunday - 16th January, 1977
Somehow, and Remus really doesn't know how, he's ended up in the Ravenclaw boys' dormitory. Sirius is here, and so is Lily; she's currently lying on Xeno's bed with Pandora by her side, their hands clutched on the mattress between them. They have been officially going out for a week now, since last Saturday. Remus watches the two of them with a fond expression, smiling at the way Lily simply watches Pandora as she starts telling Lily some legend about the blood moon. Lily looks completely and utterly besotted already.
Remus is sitting on the comfy rug in the middle of the dormitory with Astro and Kingsley; up until a couple of minutes ago, they were talking about their new Charms assignment, which they have all, admittedly, been having some trouble with. Sirius and Xeno have been practicing a spell that apparently involves water for the last thirty minutes now, so they haven't left the bathroom since.
Suddenly, there's the sound of loud splashing and a shriek that Remus knows came from his boyfriend. Xeno's laughter rings through the dormitory like windchimes. A moment later, Sirius emerges from the bathroom soaking wet. Remus doesn't miss the way his white t-shirt clings to his skin, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination.
Kingsley hits his shoulder. "Eyes up, Lupin," he snorts.
"Shove off," Remus says half-heartedly, lightly pushing the boy.
"Well, I'm officially resigning from being a Wizard," Sirius announces dramatically. "I'm hanging up my wand and heading off out, this business ain't for me. See ya." He chucks his wand on the ground and starts walking towards the door.
Remus gets up and stops him. Sirius lets him, which tells Remus he was just waiting for someone to call his bluff.
"Stop being a dramatic prick. What happened?" Remus asks.
"You know how McGonagall has been setting me all of these extra-credit Transfiguration assignments?" Sirius questions and Remus nods. "Well, I've managed to do all of them except for one. It's too bloody hard. I thought Xeno could help because he's always good at having a different perspective on spells and how they are casted. Thought it would help, but it didn't."
"Sirius, you have to be patient with the elements," Xeno tells him as he emerges from the bathroom, looking just as soaked as Sirius is but much less grumpy about it. "Come on, we can try again. Pick up your wand and stop having a tizzy about it."
Sirius sighs loudly and stomps across the room, picking up his wand, before returning to the bathroom. Xeno shakes his head fondly and sends a looks Remus' way that says, Good luck with that one, mate, before following Sirius into the bathroom.
"Hey, Lily, when do you reckon the band will be ready?" Kingsley calls up to Lily, who sits up on the bed. Pandora copies her. "Kirley said you're still a couple of weeks off."
"Oh, at least," Lily nods. "We're still having a bit of trouble with a song or two, but we will definitely be set and ready to perform for you lot before the summer."
"Yay," Astro grins. "I've never heard music live before."
"Neither have I actually," Kingsley murmurs.
"How's the strap Mary got you for Christmas working out?" Remus asks Lily. He remembers how the moment they got up to Gryffindor Tower on the first day back after Christmas, Lily had forced them all to wait right there whilst she ran up the stairs to grab her guitar. When she returned, she'd shown off her new guitar strap. It's beautiful, patterned with turquoise, pinks and purples.
"I love it, it makes it so much easier to hold the guitar for whole songs," Lily tells him.
They talk about the band for a little bit longer, until they are interrupted by a massive bang that originates from the bathroom. They all jump at the noise and then Astro and Remus rush towards the bathroom, quick to check if their boyfriends are okay. To see if they're still alive.
The door opens and a plume of steam comes billowing out. Sirius steps out of the bathroom, his hair a wild mess around his head, disturbed by the humidity of the steam. He looks traumatised for precisely two seconds before a huge grin spreads across his face.
"I did it!" He announces. When he registers everyone's looks of concerns, he drops his arms and frowns. "What?"
"Did you blow up the bathroom?" Kingsley asks incredulously.
"No," Sirius raises an eyebrow.
"Then what was that loud noise?" Lily questions.
Xeno comes out of the bathroom next, some of his hair plastered to his sweaty forehead. He's smiling just like Sirius had been a moment before, though, so Remus assumes he's fine, too.
"That was absolutely brilliant," Xeno declares. "Sirius just set fire to water!"
"He what ?" Kingsley practically yells, looking halfway to a heart attack.
"It was so cool," Xeno adds. "Oh and, by the way, that noise was me defusing it. I didn't want it to accidentally spread because it's really steamy in there. My bad."
"How did you manage to set fire to water?" Astro questions Sirius, looking impressed. "Isn't that almost impossible?"
"Well, technically, I was supposed to transfigured it into fire... but instead I just set it on fire instead," Sirius mumbles bashfully.
"It was still amazing," Xeno pats him on the back. "McGonagall might finally let you try out Fiendfyre now!"
"I'm sorry- she might let you try what now?" Kingsley blinks.
Xeno huffs. "Fiendfyre. Keep up, Kings."
"He's some magical prodigy according to McGonagall," Lily fills him in. "I think she might be mistaken." She sends a teasing look Sirius' way.
"How dare you," Sirius crosses his arms. "I am a prodigy. I just turned water into fire."
"I thought you said you set fire to water," Pandora says.
"Same thing," Sirius waves her off. "Anyway, we better be off. We said we'd help Peter find his missing chocolate frog card before his club later."
"Oh, yeah," Remus sighs. He turns to the Ravenclaws and Lily. "Well, I hope your guys' plans for the evening are more fun than ours. See you later."
Lily ends up leaving with them, kissing Pandora swiftly before she leaves. It doesn't take them very long to get to Gryffindor Tower. Remus is half expecting to find a frantic Peter in the common room and is shocked when he spots something even stranger.
Alice, Azalia and Frank are sitting at one of the study tables in a hidden corner of the common room. Remus isn't sure if he's seeing what he thinks he's seeing at first, not until he, Sirius and Lily get closer.
"You cut your hair," he says dumbly as they approach the table seating their three friends. Alice and Azalia, who both have significantly shorter hair than they did only a few hours ago, stare up at them.
"Well spotted," Azalia snorts.
"It looks nice. Why the change?" Sirius asks, sliding into the seat next to Frank. He picks up one of the sweets splayed out on the table and eats it.
"Uh," Alice frowns and glances at Azalia, as if waiting for her to give her a sign before speaking.
"I wanted to cut my hair like this but I got nervous, so Alice, impulsively," Azalia sends Alice a disapproving look, "started chopping off her own hair. Then, I wasn't so scared anymore."
"You say impulsively like it's a bad thing," Alice shrugs. "I didn't mind, it was just hair. If you wanted to go bald, I would've gone bald."
"Stop, you're gonna make me cry," Sirius says. Remus glances at the boy and realises that Sirius does look on the verge of tears. "That's so beautiful."
Remus looks at their new haircuts; they suit them quite well actually. Alice used to have long hair that was on the line between dark blonde and light brown. It used to hit her elbows and now it's been cropped back into a pixie cut. Strangely, Remus' first thought is that he never noticed how small her ears were before. The new cut actually makes Alice look a bit like a pixie.
Azalia's haircut is a bit different. She's cut hers almost as short as Lily's, but, at the back, it's slightly longer, almost looking like a mullet, but not quite. It works well with her face shape and Remus can't help but think that it suits her perfectly.
"There's actually something else, too," Azalia mumbles.
"You don't have to, Az," Alice tells her friend, putting her hand on top of Azalia's.
"I know, but I want to," Azalia shrugs. "They're my friends and I doubt they're gonna judge me for it."
"We wouldn't judge you for anything," Sirius announces fiercely.
Azalia smiles. "Okay, here goes then... I'm non-binary."
Remus knows what that means instantly. A few years back, right after Sirius came out for the first time, Remus started reading up on the subject of sexuality, wanting to educate himself as it wasn't something he knew very much about before then. He figured that, since he had two friends who were gay, that he might as well teach himself about it. He'd discovered that gender, as well as other identity factors, tended to come up a lot around the topic of sexuality. So, he had read up on the topic of gender changes, transsexual people (or transgender; he found that was the term that was becoming more commonly used nowadays), and pronoun identity.
For some reason, he'd never considered the possibility that one of his friends could identify in this way.
"What does that mean?" Lily asks kindly.
"I know what it means," Remus says. He glances at Azalia, who just nods, clearly wanting him to take the reigns. "Azalia doesn't identify as a girl, but as non-binary. Sh- They're a different gender than the sex they were identified with at birth."
"They?" Sirius questions curiously. "Sorry, I've never heard of non-binary either."
"It's okay," Azalia shrugs. "It's not your fault that they don't teach us about this stuff."
"So, would you like us not to say 'she' when we refer to you?" Lily speaks up again.
"I mean, I know people are still going to, like professors and strangers," Azalia murmurs, looking slightly uncomfortable by the idea. "But, yeah, I would prefer it if you said 'they' or 'theirs'."
"Okay," Lily nods, sitting down on Sirius' other side. She picks up a sweet, too, and chucks it in her mouth. "Do you care who knows?"
"Not really," Azalia responds, looking more confident than they did only a couple of seconds ago. "If someone wants to give me shit about it, I want them to do it to my face so I can do something about it."
"How long have you known?" Remus asks them.
"Sort of my whole life, I guess. I actually heard the term for the first time over the summer from someone outside the orphanage, and it just sounded right. I dunno," Azalia bites on their nails anxiously. Alice reaches forward gently to pull their thumb out of their mouth. "I told Alice and Frank right before Christmas, but no one else knows."
"If you want, we can tell James and Peter," Sirius offers. "If you'd like it to be casual. Obviously it isn't the same, but when I came out as gay, I didn't want it to be this massive thing because nothing was changing, you know? Like, I've always been gay, it just hadn't been explicitly stated before. It's not our fault that we have to come out as gay or non-binary when straight people and people who are born with a gender they feel comfortable with are just known."
"Yeah, it's exactly like that," Azalia nods, staring at Sirius with surprise. "I don't want it to be this big, changing thing because nothing's actually changing. I just want people to know and get on with it. Actually, yeah, could you tell James and Peter?"
"Of course," Sirius smiles at them. He looks around the table with a smile. "Anyone else got anything to get off their chest?"
"Nah, I'm the most vanilla person in the world," Frank grins, proud.
"Yeah but you're like that fancy vanilla ice cream with the little black bits in it," Sirius says, causing them all to laugh. "You've got a pizzazz to you."
"I'm pansexual," Lily announces. "I mean, it's obvious I'm not straight, but I don't think I've actually told you all before."
"Nice one, Evans," Sirius high-fives her. "Anyone else?"
"No pressure," Remus adds.
"Why not?" Alice shrugs. "I don't think I'm straight. Don't get me wrong, I only want Frank-"
"Aww, thanks," Frank blushes.
"-but I've definitely found girls attractive in the past, too," Alice finishes off. "I dunno what I am, but I don't really care about labelling it."
"God, I love this," Sirius announces with a wide grin. "We should start a club."
Azalia snorts. "Maybe in another life."
***
Thursday - 20th January, 1977
James
After class, James goes to the dormitory with the hope of getting in a nap. It's been a long day and he has a free period while Remus and Sirius have one more lesson before their day is up. James is so happy that it's going to be Friday tomorrow. He's already so ready for the weekend.
It's been a long week.
Regulus has been acting strange ever since they returned to Hogwarts. He fluctuates between being distant and guarded, and being all over James. They have only been back at school for two weeks and they've already had sex seven more times. Not that James is complaining, but he is slightly concerned. He's noticed that Regulus initiates it whenever James tries to ask him what happened over Christmas.
James doesn't know if he should ask him again and risk Regulus getting angry at him, or if he should just drop the matter. He knows Regulus well enough by now to know that if he doesn't want to talk about something, he just won't, but James is getting really worried. Especially after the conversation he had in the bathroom with Sirius and Remus on the first evening back, when Sirius had alluded to Regulus being... to him being...
James can't even say it, can't even think it. Because no, no, Regulus isn't like that.
He refuses to believe it.
When he makes it up to his dorm, he expects it to be empty.
It isn't.
"James," Peter basically shouts, jumping up from his bed and sprinting across the room to where James is standing by the door.
"Pete?"
"I told Benji," he says, giving James a look.
"You told- oh. Oh, okay. Did he take it well?" James asks carefully.
"I was so scared, but he did!" Peter grins, looking happier than he did when he and Benji had their first kiss (if that's even possible). "He said it doesn't matter to him, that he's loved me for years without sex, so what's the rest of his life?"
"Wait, that's actually so sweet," James says. "I'm glad it went well."
"Me too," Peter sighs, clearly relieved. "I told him not long ago because we both had a free afternoon. I've been thinking about it for weeks, and I had this whole plan to tell him at a certain time and in a certain way, but then it just came out."
"That means you really needed to say it," James tells him, placing his hands on Peter's shoulders. "It's good you let yourself say it when you were ready rather than when you planned."
"I know," Peter nods. "Okay, I just wanted to tell you. I'm actually supposed to be meeting up with Benji in a couple of minutes, so I'll see you at dinner."
"Yeah, see you then," James smiles as Peter leaves.
It drops the moment the door is shut.
James hadn't noticed that happening before; the way his smile would appear for his friends, a front, but drop the moment he's alone.
He hasn't pretended to be happy for a long time, but the dread in his chest is starting to take root and he's finally noticing it.
He needs to talk to Regulus.
That night, James arrives at the room and stops right outside the door. He takes in a deep breath, calming his erratic heart, and then slowly releases it. He slaps a smile onto his face and opens the door. Regulus is sitting on the bed, legs crossed beneath him, his elbow leaning on his knee. He has his chin in his hand and his eyes are distant, staring off into nothing; they're always like that nowadays.
He doesn't even notice James.
"Reg?" James calls as he walks over to the bed.
Regulus looks up at him and a faint smile brightens up his expression, only ever so slightly. He drops his hand and straightens up as if on instinct. James approaches the bed and climbs on top of it. He holds out a hand and Regulus stares at it for a couple of seconds before placing his own in James' grasp. James scoots backwards on the bed, bringing Regulus with him. He leans back against the pillows and pulls Regulus close to him. Regulus ends up sitting between his legs, back pressed to James' chest, his head on his shoulder.
They sit there silently and just exist in the shared silence between them. It reminds James a bit of the early days, back when they were reforming their friendship. Back when James kept coming to the tower, even when Regulus told him not to. He always came back, he always will, so long as Regulus wants him to.
"How was your day, querido?" James whispers against the crown of Regulus' head. He presses two quick kisses into Regulus' hair.
"Long and boring. Yours?" Regulus mumbles.
"Pretty much the same," James tries to laugh, but he doesn't know if it works or not.
"I had a pretty shit day actually," Regulus adds, voice just as quiet as before. He presses back into James lightly. "I'm glad you're here."
James smiles then and it's the first real one in a while.
"Me too," he whispers.
James untangles one of his hands from Regulus' and cups his jaw, turning his head to the side. He presses a slow but soft kiss to Regulus' lips, just wanting to feel close to him. Regulus responds in kind, not trying to deepen the kiss, which James is grateful for. He isn't in the mood for anything more tonight.
"You want to practice legilimency?" Regulus asks him when they part.
James nods and that's what they do for the next couple of hours. James is now capable of sending mental messages and he's gotten better at penetrating the walls in Regulus' mind. It's been really difficult because Regulus is ridiculously good at occlumency, but James has managed to pull a couple of memories from his mind. He is slightly convinced that Regulus let him on purpose, but he isn't going to ask; he'd rather live in ignorance.
Regulus teaches James how to perform occlumency beyond the original house method that he started teaching him back in third year. He told James a couple of months ago that the house method is meant for beginners, a sort of foundation for how to structure your thoughts in your mind. Now, James doesn't keep his memories locked away in a house in his mind (because if someone were to go in his mind and access his thoughts and come across a house, they would know he's using occlumency; Regulus said he needs to be more subtle), he keeps them in passages in his mind. Invisible passages that twist and turn like branches of a tree.
After a couple of hours, they both grow tired of the mental sport and decide to give it a rest for the night.
Regulus still looks vaguely miserable and James hates it.
"You know what I can't wait for, Reg," James says, dropping back down against the pillows. Regulus stays sitting on the other side of the bed.
"What's that?" Regulus questions, raising an eyebrow.
"I can't wait for us to leave this place," James smiles, eyes closing as he starts picturing it. "We'll be free in the world. We can go anywhere, together. Hopefully, the war will be over by then-"
"James," Regulus says tiredly.
James opens his eyes and looks up at him. "What?"
Regulus shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about that."
James hates it, but he feels as his anger flares inside of him. He sits up and turns a hard stare on Regulus. "What? You don't want to talk about the war or our future?"
"I don't want to do this now," Regulus sighs.
"You don't want to do this now ? Reg, you never want to," James emphasises with his hands. "I know it's a tough subject. Believe me, I know, but it's our life. Soon, it's going to be surrounding us on all sides. I've already been caught up in it-"
"Do you think I don't know that?" Regulus snaps, eyes cold. "I think about it all the time and that's why I can't talk about it."
"But I need to talk about it," James says a bit quieter now.
"And I need to not talk about it," Regulus counters.
James scoffs. "How is that fair?"
"There is no such thing as fair, James. It's called real life," Regulus says harshly. He slides off the bed and walks around it, towards the door.
"Wait- Where are you going?" James frowns, rushing to follow him.
"I'm leaving because I can't fucking stand talking to you right now," Regulus cuts back meanly. James' feet stutter to a stop as he feels his heart drop.
Regulus can't stand him?
"You-" James stops speaking the moment he realises his words are only going to come out as broken sounds.
"I-" Regulus closes his mouth and then opens it like he's going to say something else.
"You can't stand me?" James manages to say, his voice cracking around each word.
Regulus looks like he wants to say something. Something in his cold expression cracks, a twitch of his eyebrow, the way his teeth bite down on the inside of his bottom lip. James begs for him to say something, he prays for it.
Regulus doesn't. He doesn't deny it.
He closes his eyes and runs a hand down his face, turning around.
"Reg?" James croaks.
Regulus bows his head and then, over his shoulder, he says, "I can't."
He leaves James in their room with those words, and all he can think is what the fuck ? What does he mean by "I can't"? Does he mean he can't talk to him about this right now? Is it him confirming that he can't stand James? Is it something else?
James finds himself pacing as he worries himself into a spiral about it for the next hour. He doesn't let himself cry about it because he knows himself, he might just be overreacting, looking too deep into this. He's just being too much, he's always too much.
But he's never been too much for Regulus before.
Not until now.
Friday - 21st January, 1977
He has Herbology with Sirius first thing the next morning.
James ended up returning to the dormitory last night. He didn't want to spend the night curled up by himself in a bed he's only ever shared with Regulus. He didn't get very much sleep at all in the end.
He's been quiet all morning and he can tell that the others have noticed, but he doesn't have it in him to reassure them that he's fine. Because he isn't fine, he really isn't.
In today's lesson, they're all tasked with the job to carefully remove the poisonous thorns that had begun to grow on Sprout's experimental breed of roses crossed with bubotubers. James works with Sirius, just as he has done all year. They put on their gloves and grab the iron tongs that are laid out on the desk at the front of the classroom before going back to their workplace.
Sirius ends up being the one actually removing the thorns, whilst James just stands there, holding the container they are depositing the thorns into.
His mind is elsewhere, still playing a repeat of his argument with Regulus last night, so he doesn't notice when the container begins to slip out of his grasp. Not until Sirius is calling his name loudly.
Sprout was very clear about them not allowing the thorns to touch anything other than the tongs, their gloves, and the container they are to be stored into. She doesn't want them contaminating anything.
James blames that on why he reacts the way he does.
He stares down at the tub and then glances up at Sirius, then back down at the tub, and then he bursts into tears. He drops into the stool behind him and buries his face into his gloved hands, not caring if he gets poisoned - at this point, he'd welcome a quick and painless death.
"James, mate, it's okay," Sirius says, resting a hand on his shoulder.
"I just ruined our work," James stutters out, crying.
"No, you didn't, it's fine," Sirius tries to reassure him, but it doesn't work. James just starts crying harder. He faintly hears Sirius saying something else, but he doesn't think he's talking to him. When he notices someone else speaking - Sprout, he thinks - he buries his face even deeper into his hands.
"Come on," Sirius says, gently pulling James up from his chair. "James, would you drop your hands please?"
James sniffles and then slowly lowers his hands. He doesn't look around the classroom at the students he knows are staring at him. He keeps his eyes on Sirius, who smiles kindly at him and starts taking his gloves off. James copies him and then Sirius wraps a hand around James' shoulder and leads him out of the greenhouse.
"What about-"
"Don't worry, Sprout let us go," Sirius interrupts him in a calm voice. "She could see you were... distressed."
James stares down at the floor feeling horribly embarrassed. He feels as his bottom lips begins to wobble and tears start flowing out of his eyes without his permission. Sirius stops walking and, when James looks up, he notices that they're in the courtyard. Sirius sits down on the edge of the fountain and gestures for James to do the same, so he does.
"What's wrong, James?" Sirius asks. When James opens his mouth to dismiss the question, Sirius adds, "Please, don't lie."
James looks at his friend, his eyes pleading but also stern, like he can't be bothered to put up with any of James' lies.
"Reg and I had a fight," James whispers and then he's crying again.
"Is that... not normal?"
"No," James cries. "I know that probably sounds shocking because we're so different, but we don't fight. It's like an unspoken rule with us because we just- we get each other. We both know how much the other hates conflict, so we don't fight. We talk, but he isn't talking to me, Sirius. He keeps shrugging off my questions or ignoring them. Sometimes, he lies right to my face, and he doesn't think I can tell, but I can because I know him so well. Last night, it was so bad, Sirius. It was so bad. He- he said that he..."
"He what?" Sirius puts a comforting hand over James'. "Tell me, James."
"He said he can't stand to talk to me," James croaks out. "And then, when I asked if he couldn't stand me, he didn't even answer. He just turned around and then, after a little while, he said 'I can't'."
"James, I don't think he actually meant any of that," Sirius tells him, voice soft but wary, like he's afraid that James is going to lose it or something. "He's been distracted recently, and it's- I'm not supposed to tell you, but if it's beginning to affect your relationship, then I might have to."
"What?"
"It's Orion, he's doing really awfully, James," Sirius frowns at this. James wonders if it's affecting him, too, the fact that his birth father, the man who got him away from that terrible family, is dying. "He hasn't got long left, and he's all Regulus has when he's home. I think he's just been lashing out, but I know he doesn't mean it. He's a little shit, but he's been an even bigger shit recently. It's not your fault, James, I promise."
"Are you sure?"
"One-hundred percent," Sirius promises him. "Regulus can stand you. He's fucking obsessed with you."
"Then, why would he say that?" James hates the way his voice breaks again.
"Like I said, he's hurting," Sirius replies. "But that doesn't give him the right to lash out at you like that, James. Give him some time to reflect and think about all of this, and then, when you're both ready, talk to him. He should apologise and you should show him that you understand and you're there for him. He needs to know that he can talk to you about this sort of stuff."
"Of course, he can," James responds.
"I know and he probably knows, too, but he needs reminded. He's terrible with asking for help," Sirius shakes his head. "It's why I'm so glad he has you. You'd lend a helping hand even if he didn't know how to ask, and I'll always love you for that."
James, ridiculously, feels like he's about to cry again. So, before Sirius can see, he wraps his arms around Sirius and hugs him tightly. Sirius hugs him right back and pretends like he can't hear James' choked little breaths as he cries again.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- this chapter is so full of foreshadowing and it's all so ominous, sorry 😭
- Miriam and Charlotte are icons 💜
- jegulus are really bad and hiding their relationship (slight spoiler: this is important for something that comes up later on)
- PANDALILYYYY <3
- Astro and Xeno <3
- Azalia!! I love them, also I've been waiting to write this part for ages, hopefully I did it justice
- Alice, our not straight Queen <333
- James and Regulus are not doing so well ughhhSorry if this felt a bit weirdly paced. This chapter was so hard for me to write for some reason, I just really wasn't feeling it. I hope it's okay though. There are only a few more chapters left of sixth-year, so we're really getting into the serious stuff now. I didn't even make a Sirius joke because that's how bad it's about to get 😭 See you all soon-ish (I'll let you know when the next update is as soon as I can).
Chapter 81: Sixth Year: The Show Must Go On
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-angst
-mentions of war
-underage smoking
-brief mention of injury/blood
-references to past violenceThis chapter sort of gave me whiplash when I was editing it, it's very up and down, so good luck 😭 It's also longer than I thought it would be, coming to 17.6k words...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Empty spaces, what are we living for?
Abandoned places, I guess we know the score
On and on
Does anybody know what we are looking for?
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
~ Queen
Friday - 21st January, 1977
Regulus
He can't stop picturing James' face. The way it had contorted with hurt the moment Regulus felt his own fall blank. He didn't want to hurt James, that was the last thing he wished to do, but it isn't exactly like he could have turned around and said, Oh, James, baby, I can stand you. Actually, you're the only thing I can stand in this world most days.
No, he couldn't say that, not when he's planning to break up with James in a few short months. It would only confuse him, and James doesn't deserve that.
Regulus hadn't meant to act so coldly, though. He had been hoping that their final months together would be just as all the others have been; calm and sweet. However, what Regulus hadn't anticipated was for James to notice that he's been slowly pulling away from him. He didn't think James had, not at first, not until yesterday.
Now, Regulus doesn't know what to do. He's pissed because all James ever seems to want to talk about is the war and their future that Regulus already knows they aren't going to have. He isn't even angry at James, he's angry at himself for being so selfish. Because here James is, planning their future, all hopeful and so fucking naïve because Regulus has put him in the position to be so, and that isn't fair. He knows it isn't, he knows he should just let James go free now, rather than dragging it out for another four miserable months, but he's selfish. He's so fucking selfish, and he doesn't want to let James go. Not yet. He isn't ready.
He doesn't think he'll ever be ready, not for that.
Regulus hasn't looked James' way once all day. He can't even stomach the thought of looking at him and seeing that same pained expression that he was wearing the night before. When Regulus saw it, he felt like he'd been shot with the Cruciatus Curse.
He knows that James' self-esteem isn't great; no matter what people might think, James Potter is not actually a very arrogant person by nature. In fact, he sort of hates himself, which has always made Regulus sad, especially because James is his favourite person in the world. But Regulus had used that against him last night, and he doesn't think he will ever forgive himself for it.
You can't stand me?
I can't.
Fuck, he hates himself.
That evening, Regulus has rounds with Remus. They haven't been paired together since November, which Regulus has sort of been annoyed about. He doesn't mind it when he's put with Scarlett, but it's just boring when he's on rounds with anyone else. At least when he's on rounds with Remus, they smoke together and, when they talk, it isn't boring ice-breakers that are better left unspoken.
They meet outside the Slytherin common room, mostly because Regulus doesn't want to risk running into James. He's not quite sure what to say to him yet, nothing that isn't flinging himself into his arms and begging to never be let go. But that would be pathetic.
And yet, Regulus is tempted.
He and Remus don't talk very much during the first couple of hours, not about anything of importance anyway. They speak about how they're glad the snow is finally melting, and about their thoughts on the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.
Remus doesn't mention James.
Well, not at first.
When they make it to the bridge beside Ravenclaw Tower, Remus pulls out his packet of cigarettes and automatically passes one to Regulus, who accepts it silently. They both click their fingers and their cigarettes light up at the same time.
Regulus inhales deeply, allowing the smoke to embed itself in his lungs, not caring if he perhaps holds it in for a little too long. He enjoys the way it burns. When he exhales, he looks at Remus, who is already watching him.
"Go on, say it," Regulus murmurs, sighing. He flicks some ash off of the end of his smoke before bringing it back to his lips. His eyebrows furrow as he inhales again.
"Are you okay?" Remus asks, catching Regulus off guard. He coughs as the smoke billows out of his mouth. Remus reaches forward and pats him gently on the back.
Once Regulus has caught his breath again, he turns to Remus and frowns. "Why are you asking me that?"
Remus half-shrugs, his shoulders rolling. "You've been... off since we came back, and I don't just mean since Christmas. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but if you do, I'm here."
"I know you are," Regulus nods.
"I have to ask..." Remus bites down on his lip. "What happened between you and James? Again, you don't have to answer, but he seems heartbroken and as his friend and yours, I can't help but find myself concerned."
"We had a fight," Regulus says simply, sucking on the end of his cigarette. "We don't fight."
"Ever?" Remus' brows furrow.
"Never," Regulus admits. "We used to bicker at the beginning, and sometimes we banter, I suppose, but we never fight. That probably sounds unhealthy, but it really isn't. We don't fight; one of us snaps about something, and then we talk and resolve it."
"It's that simple?"
"Usually," Regulus sighs again. "Everything is simple with James."
"Then, why the fight? Why not just talk it out like you normally do?" Remus questions, not sounding overly curious or too intrusive. He just sounds inquiring, like he only cares to know because he wants to resolve the issue.
"James was willing to talk, but I wasn't. Not about this," Regulus shakes his head. He drops the butt of his cigarette to the floor and stomps on it. He stares out at the grounds, dark, only illuminated faintly by the moon. Regulus wonders briefly if Remus despises the moon. "Sometimes, there are things that James and others just won't be able to understand. About me. It's annoying because James has always been the person to get me, every part of me. But things change and there's nothing either of us can do about it."
"Nothing?"
Regulus glances at the other boy again, his eyebrows dipping. "What?"
"Surely, there's something you can do, if you love him enough," Remus mumbles, sounding uncertain for the first time tonight. Regulus doesn't think it's because he doubts the clarity of his own words, but because he's afraid Regulus will snap at him and tell him next that he doesn't understand either.
"Sometimes, love isn't enough," Regulus whispers. He closes his eyes and bows his head, wishing to any possible higher deity that love could be enough. He wishes that real life could be one big fairy tale, where love saves the day and conquers all, but the truth is, life isn't so optimistic. It's realistic, which is just pessimistic, but it's the way it is.
Remus stays silent beside him, so Regulus doesn't bother saying anything else. They stand out there, letting the icy wind cut through them, but neither of them make a move to leave.
"If you can't make James understand, then let him understand that," Remus says eventually.
"What do you mean?" Regulus finally opens his eyes.
"Explain to him that you can't offer this part of yourself to him, even though you want to, because it's something you don't even understand yourself. James is considerate, he'll get it because he cares about you. I know it's hard, but he deserves an explanation of some kind," Remus whispers, his voice carrying in the wind.
"Okay," Regulus agrees quietly. "I just need some time to find the words."
"That's okay," Remus tells him, stepping closer. He nudges Regulus gently with his shoulder. "You're allowed to take time for yourself, too."
When they make it back into the castle, Regulus expects them to go back to the silence they had been in before their smoke break. However, Remus turns to him almost instantly, an amused smirk on his face.
"What?" Regulus asks. He can't help but smile slightly at Remus' expression.
"I should probably warn you that, when you do make up with James, you should be a little more discreet," Remus grimaces.
"Why?" Regulus frowns, his worry spiking.
"Miriam found out about you guys," Remus snorts at the look of absolute horror on Regulus' face. "She saw you sneaking off together into an empty classroom."
"How?" His voice is high-pitched.
"Apparently, when she's bored, she follows you around the castle."
"Uh..." Regulus' eyebrows raise. "That's weird, right?"
"Sort of," Remus tilts his head to the side. "It's also sort of adorable. She clearly favours you, and I think she even considers you family because of Sirius."
Regulus lets out a noise of exasperation. "For fuck's sake."
"What?"
"Nothing," Regulus grumbles and they carry on with their rounds.
Nothing. It just means he's going to let down another person in a few months.
Saturday - 22nd January, 1977
Regulus is sitting in the library, doing research with Scarlett. It's a routine they have had for years now, only, instead of researching about ancient magical species' laws, Regulus is looking up family trees. As far as Scarlett is concerned, it's for a Divination project.
It isn't.
Regulus has been trying not to think about the task Voldemort gave him only a month ago. Whenever it crosses his mind, he feels sick and weak in the knees. Somehow, it's both a simpler task than he expected, and one of the most abhorrent things he can think of.
Voldemort has asked him to formulate a list.
It's a list of potential and definite allies to Dumbledore. He has been instructed to include any of his classmates that he may suspect will join Dumbledore's resistance, as well as their family members.
He hasn't got the space to fuck up, not unless he wants the Dark Lord to assume he's working against him, and Regulus can't have that. He just can't. He's risking everything, giving up everything, just to get rid of this man. Nothing can go wrong, otherwise it won't be worth it, it'll all have been for nothing. And he cannot break James' heart for the sake of nothing at all.
The thing is, ever since the more atrocious acts caused by Voldemort's Death Eaters have been publicised in the paper, students and staff alike have been expressing their very particular opinions on the whole situation. So, Regulus knows exactly who would side with Voldemort, who would side with Dumbledore, and who wouldn't fight at all.
Making this list means getting one step closer to the Dark Lord, which means getting an in. He needs an in desperately. However, making this list also means potentially betraying his peers, some of which he actually cares about, as well as practically handing them to Voldemort on a silver platter. Regulus very much doubts that the man wants this list just for shits and giggles; he knows it's going to be utilised in the most horrid of ways, and it'll all be Regulus' fault.
It's a good thing he's distancing himself from James, because James shouldn't be around this. Not any of it. He's too good to be around the darkness that is slowly enveloping itself around Regulus. He feels like a black hole and he doesn't want to suck James into his mess. He doesn't want to suck any of his friends into it either.
Regulus glances up from his book and looks at Scarlett.
He does love her, even though he isn't in love with her. He loves all of his friends so fucking much that he can't breathe because of it sometimes. Especially when he thinks about all he's going to lose.
As he watches Scarlett, he lets himself think for the first time since formulating his plan to betray the Dark Lord about exactly what he's going to lose in the process. Scarlett's hair is in a ponytail, but there's one piece that has fallen loose and is in her face. Every couple of minutes, she tucks it behind her ear, only for it to fall again not five seconds later. Her leg is bouncing beneath the table and the hand she isn't using to write with is clicking rhythmically on the table top. Her eyes scan the page of the book beside her as she copies down the notes she needs. She hasn't even noticed him looking at her, far too entranced in her research.
Regulus remembers one time in third year when he had the thought that a herd of centaurs could pass through the library, and she still wouldn't notice.
He smiles sadly at the memory and feels something tighten in his chest. Devastation falls over him because he knows, he just fucking knows, that once Scarlett finds out what he's done, she'll hate him for it. She's very loud about her opinions, especially when it comes to the war. She has already told Regulus that she doesn't intend on joining the Dark Lord like her mother has. The man, and everything he's done, disgusts her beyond anything else.
Regulus is going to be a part of that soon.
He doesn't know how he's going to deal with Scarlett no longer being able to look at him anymore. Will Dorcas be able to? Will Evan, or Barty? Will Pandora?
Surely, Pandora has always known that this is where he would end up. Once again, Regulus finds himself wondering how she could have kept the future a secret her whole life. He knows she's had no other choice, but he's also aware that, if he were in her position, he wouldn't be as strong.
Regulus turns back to his book. He pushes it aside and pulls out the list of names he's already created. He's put a spell on it, so that, to anyone else, it looks like a list of Potions ingredients.
To him, it looks like an obituary list.
There are names on here that are far too familiar to him; students in years above and below him, as well as ones he's been in classes with for years. He wonders if the Dark Lord will kill them all, if he'll do it immediately or stretch the attacks out just to further traumatise Regulus. Maybe, he won't kill them at all. Maybe, he'll just torture them all until they go insane.
James is never going to forgive him for this, he knows.
There was a part of Regulus that thought, maybe, if he does win this war, kill Voldemort and destroy all of his Horcruxes, maybe James could still want him afterwards. But no, Regulus knows that can't possibly be true, not anymore. If James ever finds out about this, he'll be absolutely horrified.
You might just be my favourite person in this world, actually. I don't think there is anything you could do that would change that.
James said that to him once. Regulus believed him when he said it, he really and truly did. Now, he knows that James was lying, whether he meant to or not. He was lying because, if he still loves Regulus after all he's going to have to do, then he'll be going against everything he believes in.
People can surprise you, James, is what Regulus had told him.
He can't help but think that past Regulus had a point. Even Regulus himself is surprised by where he's ended up. He never wanted to get here, and yet, here he is. Working as the Dark Lord's lackey.
After the library, Regulus and Scarlett went to the Great Hall to have lunch with the rest of their friends. Then, Scarlett, Dorcas and Barty decided to head off to Hogsmeade, a last-minute decision that Regulus didn't want any part in.
He's sitting in one of the glassless windows in the courtyard now, Pandora at his side, and Evan sprawled across the bench near where their legs are dangling. Evan has been talking for the last half-an-hour about how his father wouldn't stop mentioning his and Holly's bonding ceremony over the holidays, which is apparently set to take place the moment he graduates from Hogwarts. Regulus has, however, noticed how Evan and Holly haven't been meeting up as often as they were last year. He wonders if that has anything to do with the conversation Regulus and Evan had about Barty right before Christmas.
"-just glad Alecto doesn't seem to be bothering the poor girl this year," Evan continues to ramble. "Hey, did you notice that Amycus keeps trying to pull one over on Barty?"
"Yeah, he's been mad at him ever since Barty pushed Alecto off the couch last year," Pandora says. "Amycus shouldn't be angry, it makes him do very bad things. He's not a very kind boy."
Regulus smiles fondly at Pandora, wondering how she could know so much, probably horrific things too, but still remain innocent and sweet.
"That's one word for it," Evan huffs.
"Arsehole, I'd say," Regulus adds and Evan snorts.
Pandora hums in agreement.
Regulus turns to look at her and his eyes catch on something written on her knee. He squints his eyes and tilts his head, trying to make out the small letters, only to realise they aren't letters at all. They're numbers; the same numbers Pandora has been writing on her skin since first year.
240879
He still has no idea what they mean, but he's learnt by now not to ask.
"Hey, I've only just remembered," he begins, catching Pandora's attention. There's a knowing look in her eyes, which makes Regulus suspect that she knows exactly what he's about to ask her. "What's my flower for the year?"
"Finally," Pandora grins. "I was wondering when you'd ask."
"Sorry, I've been... preoccupied," Regulus mumbles.
Pandora reaches out and rests a warm hand on his back. "I know, sweetie. Luckily for you, I know exactly what your flower is. It's a gladiola - it represents strength, integrity, romance," she smirks, "...and victory."
Regulus' eyes snap up to meet hers. She stares at him for a moment longer, giving absolutely nothing away with her penetrating gaze, before looking away.
"Sounds cooler than mine for the year," Evan calls up from his spot below them. "Wild rose is what I got."
"Yours is very cool," Pandora tuts, looking down at her brother in a disapproval. "It symbolises love, beauty and secrecy."
"Yeah, the secrecy is the part I'm bloody used to," Evan mutters bitterly.
Pandora sighs and reaches down to brush Evan's hair off his forehead; it's a tender little action that Evan doesn't even seem to notice, likely because Pandora's always like this with him. Regulus, however, can't help but feel something pinch in his chest at the sight of the two of them. They're all so young and innocent, they shouldn't be as close to the war as they are.
Regulus hopes that he's the only one of them that's getting strange visits from Voldemort.
Saturday - 5th February, 1977
It's been over two weeks since Regulus has spoken to James. He's been avoiding Potions club at all costs, and whenever they're together in any lessons, Regulus just doesn't look at him. James doesn't even try to talk to him, like he's waiting for Regulus to make the first move.
Regulus hasn't been able to focus on anything except his task, especially not James. He can't think about the two at the same time, not with knowing that James would hate him if he knew. They're two completely dissonant thoughts and situations. So, he's been waiting to talk to James, waiting until he's completed his heinous task.
Today, he finally does.
He's sitting in his bed as he finalises the list, and once he's done, he just stares down at it, feeling disconnected as his eyes fall over the dozens of names. They're all completely innocent, and Regulus is sacrificing all of them. He could use the excuse that he's doing it all for the greater good, but that feels like words a coward would use. It's for a great, good end, but it isn't for the greater good, not when it involves so much pain, sacrifice and torment. Not when it means children and people just as blameless becoming casualties before they even get the chance to live.
Regulus despises himself for having a hand in it. He doesn't care that he's technically doing it to stop it all. He's still doing it, and he didn't even fight against it. How is that noble? How is that brave? It isn't.
He couldn't put James' name on the list, nor his family. He just... couldn't. There was no way he was about to give his boyfriend up to the Dark Lord. He would rather name himself a traitor to Voldemort himself than do that. He also left Sirius and Remus' names off the list for the same reasons he didn't include James. He didn't include Lily, Scarlett or Dorcas on the list either; Dorcas and Scarlett because they're his best friends, and Lily because he knows that, if he did, Pandora would never forgive him for it. James, Sirius and Remus wouldn't either.
Picking up the list, he places it in his bedside drawer and locks it with a flick of his wand. He gets up from his bed and moves robotically across the dormitory, down the stairs, through the common room, and out of the castle. He doesn't even know where he's going, not until he finds his legs directing him towards the forest.
Strangely, he finds himself missing the dog. He knows now that the dog was always Sirius, but that doesn't mean he doesn't miss it. The dog- Sirius, whatever, was there for him last year when he needed someone. Someone who wouldn't judge, and Sirius never did. He just sat there with him, a presence, something alive and comforting. This was even before they figured out they were brothers, during the days when Sirius claimed to hate him. Yet, he didn't even hesitate to be there for him.
Regulus stands at the edge of the forest for ten minutes, then twenty, before he hears footsteps approach behind him. He knows who it is, somehow, like some sort of brotherly sixth sense.
Sirius comes up beside him and, rather ridiculously, pokes his cheek without any hesitation. Regulus turns to look at him with an unimpressed frown. Sirius just grins back.
"Want to go for a wander?" He gestures towards the forest and takes a step forward.
Regulus doesn't answer, he just follows Sirius into the forest, not worrying for a moment that they might be attacked by something in there. Sirius is here with him and he won't let him get hurt. Regulus can't remember when he started to trust Sirius to that extent, but he can feel it settle inside of him like it's a part of his bones.
"It's easier to breathe out here," Sirius says once they've been walking for about five minutes. "Which is strange, because this forest is supposed to invoke fear."
"It's just a forest," Regulus mumbles.
"Well, it is a dangerous one," Sirius shrugs. He turns and starts walking backwards, a smirk on his face. "I just don't care."
"Yeah, well, you're dating a werewolf. Living dangerously is a part of your aura, isn't it?"
"Remus isn't dangerous," Sirius frowns.
"You know I didn't mean it like that," Regulus scowls.
"Whatever," Sirius mumbles. "How are you anyway? James-"
"I don't want to talk about James," Regulus snaps, his voice venomous.
Sirius rolls his eyes. "Alright, there's no need to get all huffy about it."
"Just shut the fuck up, Sirius, okay? You're so bloody annoying. I came out here for some peace and quiet, and you just had to come and ruin it." Regulus doesn't even care if he sounds petulant. He's so stressed, so pulled tight from everything that's happened over the last few weeks; few months really.
"There's no need to call me annoying, alright? I came out here to check if you were okay. Okay, fine, I crossed a boundary, but that doesn't give you the right to treat me like shit, Regulus," Sirius snaps back.
Any voice of reason in Regulus' head was put down the moment he walked away from James two weeks ago. So, instead of actually taking in Sirius' words, he scoffs.
"You're so full of yourself," he sneers. "You think you're such a good brother because you saw I was alone and thought you'd come and join me. Newsflash, Sirius, I've had a shitty few fucking years, and you were a big part of that! One walk in the forest isn't going to fix that, okay? You've never been there for me before, so what's the point in trying to be there for me now?"
Sirius flinches at his words, but Regulus hardly notices.
"I know how I used to treat you," Sirius begins quietly; there's an edge to his voice that gives Regulus the impression he's trying to hold off his anger. "I was absolutely awful to you, a fucking bully, I know. I hate that I ever treated you that way because you didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of it. I don't have any excuses for that, and I really don't expect you to forgive it all, especially not so soon. I am sorry, for all of it. I will never stop regretting it for the rest of my fucking life. But, Reggie-"
Regulus stops walking the moment the nickname falls past Sirius' lips, and Sirius doesn't seem to even notice as he stops right beside him.
"-I'm not just going to leave you alone to drown in all of the shit going on in your head, okay? No matter how many times you tell me to go away, that you hate me and never want to see me again. Hell, even if you say you don't want me as a brother, I don't care. Say whatever you want, but I am your brother. I will always be your brother now that I know, and you can't get rid of me, not that easily. Listen to me when I say this," Sirius steps forward and places a hand on Regulus' shoulder. "You're my brother and I care about you, alright? I'm here for you in a way only a brother can be. I may not understand everything in the way I should, in the way I could in another life where we grew up together, but I'm here anyway. I want to understand, to learn. Or, if you can't tell me, then I want to be here in the silence with you, so that it doesn't consume you. No matter what you want, or what you need, or what you ask of me, I'm always gonna be here for you, Reggie, because I love you. I just want to help you, so, please, let me help you get out of there. All you have to do is ask, just say you need me, and I'll come."
Regulus doesn't even know where to begin with everything Sirius has just thrown at him. He's frustrated that Sirius won't leave well enough alone, but he's also so relieved because no one has ever fought that hard to get him to stop being so stubborn before. Regulus gets the feeling that Sirius is the same, that he's just as stubborn, so that's why he knew what to say. He's shocked that Sirius said what he said in the first place, and in awe that Sirius has managed to dig up all of Regulus' insecure thoughts and untangle them like they were simply shoelaces with a too-tight knot in. Regulus was just waiting for his big brother to come and undo them for him.
He's also scared because Sirius just told him, for the first time, that he loves him, and Regulus doesn't know what to do with that. He doesn't even know if he loves Sirius back or not. Sure, he cares about him in a way only brothers can, but does that have to equate to love? Regulus has known Sirius for years, he's loathed him for years, and only liked him for months. He's also absolutely awful at sorting through and trying to decipher his own emotions. James has been telling him he loves him for almost a year now and Regulus still hasn't been able to say it back. He doubts he'll ever get the chance to now, not without giving James mixed signals that he doesn't deserve.
Even if he does love Sirius, he won't be able to say it. Not now.
Overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just so bloody tired, Regulus drops back against a tree, dislodging Sirius' hand on his shoulder. He sinks down to the ground and feels as his breaths start to come in slow bursts. It's been a while since he's had a panic attack, probably because he's been disconnecting himself from reality for weeks now. If he could feel everything he's been doing, then he wouldn't be able to do it. Just as his mother has always said, he's too weak, too empathetic for his own good.
Sirius' words echo in his mind as he tries to catch his breath.
I just want to help you, so, please, let me help you get out of there.
Sirius wants to rescue him... He has no idea how long Regulus has been waiting for someone to do exactly that, and maybe, if Sirius said all of this to him a year ago, Regulus would have accepted without hesitation. But now, Regulus can't leave, he's too deep in. He's the only person who knows about the Horcruxes, who can do anything about it. He has to be the one to see this through because he doesn't trust anyone else to do it, and the people he does trust, he would never put this pressure on their shoulders. It's already weighing Regulus down, he won't put it on anyone else.
Something soft brushes beneath his fingertips and he blinks his eyes open, chest still fluttering as he tries to breathe properly. He finds the dog in front of him and laughs lightly through his gasping breaths. He reaches out and runs a hand over dog Sirius' head and scratches behind his ear. Sirius places his head on one of Regulus' bent knees and lets out a whining noise, like he's sad to see Regulus like this.
"I'm okay," he tries to reassure him.
Sirius lets out another whine and, somehow, Regulus understands it for what it is.
"It's okay," he pants, his breathing finally slowing down. He wipes his forehead, which is now slightly sweaty. "It isn't your fault, I haven't had one for a long time. It was bound to happen."
Sirius lets out a low grumble and then lifts his head. He lightly knocks his wet dog nose against Regulus', who smiles and lets out a little laugh. Dog Sirius' tongue lolls out of his mouth as he smiles and then, before Regulus can stop him or protest, he licks his cheek.
Regulus grimaces and wipes his face. "Merlin, Sirius, that's disgusting. You're an animal!"
Sirius just cocks his head to the side and gives him a look that says, No fucking shit.
Sunday - 6th February, 1977
Regulus gives himself a day between finishing his task and speaking to James.
At dinnertime on Sunday, he watches James from the Slytherin table. He hasn't let himself look at James properly in weeks, so it's startling to realise that James looks awful. There are dark bags under his eyes that look heavy on his face and his hair is messier than usual - not in the way it normally is. For the first time since Regulus has known James, he actually understands what he means when he says his hair isn't messy, it just falls that way.
It's messy now.
He's wearing a jumper that Regulus is ninety-percent sure is actually Remus'. He remembers James once told him that him and all of his friends tend to steal Remus' jumpers during the colder months, or if they're having a bad day.
The next thing Regulus notices is that James isn't eating. He's resting his cheek in his hand, whilst he pushes food around his plate with his fork. His gaze is faraway, trained on the surface of the table. Mary Macdonald laughs loudly from beside him, knocking James slightly as she moves, but he doesn't seem to notice, doesn't even blink. He just continues to stare.
Regulus hates that he's done this to him, that this is all his fault.
A voice inside of him says that this is the way it should be; he should let James go now, be fair to the boy and cut him free before he gets tangled up in all of Regulus' mess. But then, a more desperate part of him wants James for as long as he can have him.
The desperate side wins.
As students start departing from the hall, heading back to their common rooms and dormitories for the night, Regulus watches James. He sees as Remus nudges him and James finally blinks, snapping out of whatever trance he was in. He nods and then slowly stands from his seat.
Regulus doesn't expect it when James turns and looks right at him. He wants to flinch away, but he knows James deserves more than Regulus' cowardice, so, instead, he stares back.
For the first time ever, James looks away first, and Regulus feels his heart fucking break in two.
He hurries out of his seat, ignoring the way Evan calls out his name. His eyes never leave James, who follows Remus and Sirius out of the Great Hall. Regulus pushes past students as he rushes through the corridor, wanting to reach James before he makes it to the moving staircases.
Right before he reaches him, Regulus pulls his wand out and casts a spell over James and then himself. He reaches out and grabs James' arm. The other boy turns around, quite clearly shocked to find Regulus behind him, if his expression is anything to go by.
"James," Regulus pants, not letting go of his wrist.
"What are you doing?" James frowns, eyeing the throngs of students around them. "There are too many people around."
"James?" At the sound of Remus' voice, James and Regulus' heads snap to the side to look at the boy. He looks right through them, a puzzled frown on his face.
"What..." James blinks.
"I put a disillusionment charm on us," Regulus explains. He lets his hand drag down James' wrist and then entangles their fingers, lightly tugging on James' hand. "Please, can I talk to you?"
"You sure you can stand it?" James remarks in a strangely cold tone for him.
Regulus flinches, not used to the harshness in James' voice. The moment James notices Regulus' reaction, his eyes widen and regret begins to bleed onto his face. Regulus just looks away and starts pulling on him again as he walks in the opposite direction. He takes them down the Transfiguration corridor, past the courtyard, and towards an empty classroom.
Once they're inside, Regulus lets James go and locks the door behind them with his wand. He gives himself a minute before he turns around to face the music.
"I need to talk to you," Regulus says, hoping he doesn't sound half as nervous as he feels.
"I'm sorry, are you speaking to me? Forgive me for not being able to tell, I'm used to being ignored nowadays," James speaks quickly, like he's worried he won't be able to get the words out if he lets himself think about them for even a moment.
"Okay, I deserved that," Regulus swallows. "I- I just, I..."
"If you want to talk, Regulus, then talk," James tells him, and Regulus hates the fact that James uses his full name; not 'Reg', 'darling' or 'love'.
Just Regulus.
"I'm sorry, James, I'm so sorry," Regulus starts. He had been scared that he wouldn't be able to find the words, but now that he's started, he can't seem to stop them from falling out of him. "I shouldn't have treated you the way I did, no matter what I was going through. You didn't deserve any of it, no one would, but especially you. You're- fuck, you're too pure for this world and I'm tainting you. I don't want to do that. I'm just... I'm so- there's so much going on and I can't even begin to explain it to you. I don't understand it myself, so how are you supposed to? I'm not trying to hide things from you, that isn't what this is, there are just things that are ineffable, and I was so fucking afraid that you would hate me or get angry at me for keeping things from you. So, I pushed you away first, but I shouldn't have.
"Also, I didn't mean it when I said I couldn't stand you- of course, I can stand you. If I couldn't, I would have made you leave me alone years ago. Wait- that came out wrong... Look, what I'm trying to say is-"
"Reg," James interrupts him and Regulus only then realises that his eyes are closed. He opens them and stares up at James with a pathetically desperate expression. James' pained expression has softened and he's gravitated closer to where Regulus is still standing by the door.
"I'm sorry," Regulus adds in a whisper. He feels like crying, he wishes he could cry, but the tears don't come. They never do.
James lets out a small noise of frustration, like he's pissed at himself for giving in so easily, and then he's stepping forward. He cups Regulus' face in the palms of his hands and pulls him close. Their lips brush in a kiss that feels far too tender for the amount of tension that's fizzling through the room, like it's alive. A third presence that's somehow both pushing them together and pulling them apart.
Regulus grips onto the jumper James is wearing and pulls him impossibly closer, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss with his tongue the moment James' lips part.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Regulus chants as he kisses his way down James' jaw and presses his lips to the skin of James' neck.
"It's okay, love, it's okay," James spouts right back. He pushes Regulus slowly back against the wall. Regulus wraps his arms around James' neck and thrusts himself upwards; James catches him, he always does. Even when Regulus isn't going to fall, even when he's completely safe, James always tries to catch him. Just like the first night in the Astronomy tower.
Regulus claws at the back of James' neck, wanting- no, needing to be closer than he is, even thought that's quite impossible. He kisses James harder than he ever has before, trying to prove just how sorry he is, just how much he loves him even though he never says it. Because, fuck, he really does love this boy - he loves him so much that he has to let him go. And he will, just not yet.
No, for now, Regulus Black still has James Potter, and all is right in the world.
He could barely last two weeks without James, how is he supposed to break his heart? Let him go forever?
Regulus knows that his only chance of possibly having James again is if he manages to destroy Voldemort. Maybe that will be what makes him worthy of James' forgiveness in the future. Or maybe not.
Half-an-hour later, Regulus makes it back to his dormitory. He and James will meet up at the room later, but, for now, Regulus has something he needs to do.
All of his friends are waiting for him in the dormitory when he gets there. Pandora is on his bed and Regulus goes right on over to her. He requests to speak to her in private in the bathroom and she agrees immediately.
"I can't believe I'm about to ask you something so important in a bloody bathroom, but it'll have to do," Regulus murmurs. He paces as Pandora stands by the door, a pensive look on her face.
There's one thing Regulus can't figure out by himself. He can guess at where the Horcruxes may be, and what they could be. There are ways he can get to them, but there's one question that's been circling around in his mind for months now. Something, no matter how long he thinks about it, he hasn't been able to find an answer to, and doubts he ever will on his own.
"Reggie?" Pandora asks gently.
Regulus turns on the spot and stares intently at her. "I need the number, Pandora. I need it now. I will never ask you for anything, not ever, and you know I wouldn't even now if I thought it wasn't really fucking important. But I can't figure this out on my own." He rests his hands lightly on her shoulders. "I need this. Please, if you care about the future at all, tell me. How many?"
Pandora's usually hazed eyes clear, clarity flooding into them; she seems to be considering her options, or maybe she's just considering him. Is he worth telling? Surely, she knows what he's going to become, she's seen it. Does she know why? Pandora knows everything, she always has; she's always known this is where he would end up. That should instil some sort of faith into him, but it doesn't.
After a few long moments, she blinks, eyes dropping to the floor briefly before jumping back up to meet his, hard and sudden.
"Five," she whispers.
"Five?" Regulus breathes.
"So far," Pandora nods.
Regulus doesn't even get the chance to be surprised by the fact that Pandora actually told him something for once - no "spoilers" or smirk, no worried head shake, no denial. He focuses on that for about a second before her words catch up to him.
Five? Voldemort has made five Horcruxes?
That shouldn't even be possible. It's quite literally impossible. It's insane. It's- it's-
Oh, Merlin. Regulus is going to have to find five of the Dark Lord's Horcruxes. He knew it wasn't going to be easy the moment he decided to take on this personal mission of his, but now it's getting far too close to the realm of impossible for him to be comfortable with.
His hands drop from Pandora's shoulders as he stumbles backwards. His back hits the wall and he drops his head into his hands.
"I'm so sorry, Reggie," Pandora whispers, sounding choked up. Regulus doesn't look up from his hands as Pandora moves forward and wraps her arms around him.
Even now, he doesn't cry, but Pandora does.
***
Sunday - 13th February, 1977
Sirius
January passed them all by quickly and, with it, went the snow. The day after Elliot's birthday, Miriam received a letter that informed her that her brother did not, in fact, receive a Hogwarts letter. She had come to Sirius crying about it and he ended up spending the day trying to make her feel better.
Of course, he was upset that Elliot wouldn't be able to experience Hogwarts just like his sister would, but there was a part of him that couldn't help but be relieved that his youngest cousin wasn't about to be thrust into the Wizarding World. It's not a good place for Muggleborns right now, or for anyone really. He hates that Miriam has had to deal with the stigma that surrounds her blood status over the last few months. The only good thing that comes out of Elliot not being a Wizard is that he's safer, and he doesn't have to deal with what Muggleborns do on a daily basis.
January wasn't completely full of depressing events, though. Sirius started his Apparition lessons not too long after they returned after the Christmas holidays. So far, he's doing very well. It sort of reminds him of Transfiguration, if he's being honest. He just has to warp his body through space and make it appear elsewhere. It's a transformation of sorts, which he is familiar with, being an unregistered Animagus and all.
James, Remus and Peter aren't allowed to take part in the Apparition lessons, not until they turn seventeen, which still isn't for a few weeks - and a couple of months, in Pete's case.
Sirius has, of course, been bragging about it ever since his lessons began a month ago. He's bragging about it now as they wander through the silent halls of the castle at the dead of night. They're setting up their annual Valentine's Day prank, the penultimate one they'll ever be able to pull, because next year will be their final year before they graduate.
Sirius still can't believe that. Time has passed them by so fast.
This year, it isn't so much of a prank as it is a scavenger hunt. They've been hiding lollypops all around the castle, with notes attached to them that read: Happy Valentine's Day. All our love, the Marauders xx
They have over four-hundred lollypops, which should be enough for everyone in Hogwarts, including the professors, to get one each.
There's a twist to it, though, because it would be boring if there weren't.
In the centre of the lolly, there's a ball that glows either red or green (that had been Peter's idea). If yours glows red, then it means someone has a crush on you, and if it's green it means you have a crush on someone.
"What if someone has a crush on a person and someone has a crush on them?" James had asked when Peter proposed the idea.
"Then, we'll make it glow pink," Sirius has suggested with a shrug.
It takes them a few hours to scatter the lollypops around the castle; they do it during the time that Lily and Remus should be out on rounds, which makes it easier for them to not get caught.
Sirius finishes hiding his lot of lollies and, because he has the map on him, he is able to locate Remus. He smiles when he notices that Remus is just down the corridor, waiting outside the girls' toilets for Lily.
Quickly, Sirius saunters down the corridor and around the corner, almost bumping right into Remus, who is leaning against the wall. He smiles when he realises it was Sirius who just came crashing into him.
"You guys finished yet?" Remus asks, eyeing Sirius' empty basket where the lollypops were being kept. "Lily's been pretending not to notice anything, but I think she spotted a lollypop on top of the hog's nose in the entrance hall."
Sirius snorts. He had placed that one there.
He leans into Remus and lifts his hand, there's a lolly in it. He saved one just for Moony.
"Here," Sirius whispers. Remus reaches out to take it, raising an eyebrow. "Happy Valentine's Day, Moons. It better glow pink."
Remus chuckles. "Yeah, it'd better."
Sirius presses a brief kiss to Remus' lips, still smiling, and then hurries back around the corner, right in time, too. When he glances down at the map, hiding out of view in an alcove, he sees that Lily has just come out of the bathroom.
When Remus and Lily pass the alcove he's hiding in, something clatters across the floor. Sirius crouches down to look at what it could be and laughs quietly to himself when he finds a lollypop on the floor. He reads the note and feels his heart vibrate in his chest.
Love you, you pillock.
He wonders how Remus got the chance to write that note so quickly without Lily noticing, or if he's had it in his pocket all night.
Monday - 14th February, 1977
Sirius wakes up on the morning of Valentine's Day to Remus lying on his chest, still fast asleep. He grins to himself, so fucking happy that Remus loves him. He runs his fingertips up and down Remus' spine - he isn't wearing a shirt - and uses his other hand to scratch at his scalp.
"Mmh," Remus mumbles, tightening his arms around Sirius' torso. "That feels nice."
"Good," Sirius replies, scratching the spot behind Remus' ear where he knows he likes it. "Happy Valentine's Day, Moony."
One of Remus' eyes cracks open lazily and he glances up at Sirius, a smirk curving at his lips. "Happy Valentine's Day, Sirius."
"Happy Valentine's Day, Peter," Peter says, startling them both. The two of them turn to find Peter standing right next to Remus' bed, his hands on his hips and a wide grin on his face. "Morning, lovebirds, up and at 'em!"
"What time is it?" Remus grumbles, burying his face back into Sirius' chest.
"It's nearly half-seven already," Peter informs them before disappearing.
Remus groans and then pulls away. Sirius pouts and, even though he's facing away from him, Remus seems to sense it. He turns around and presses a small kiss to Sirius' lips and then one to his forehead and a third to his nose before rolling out of bed.
Sirius sighs and follows him, knowing that, as much as he'd like to spend the whole day in bed with Remus naked, Remus would kill him if they missed any more lessons just for sex.
"Happy love day!" James grins as Sirius passes him. He's been much more chipper ever since he and Regulus made up a week ago. Sirius is glad for it, he'd started to really worry about James, who had stopped eating at one point. Also, he started having nightmares again; Sirius hadn't realised they'd stopped, not until they started again.
They get ready for the day and then head down to the Great Hall for some breakfast. Sirius grins to himself as he notices people walking around with lollypops in their hands or hanging out of their mouths. A few people come up to them and thank them for the small gifts; it's not like they can deny that they did it this year, since they literally signed their names onto it.
Breakfast goes swiftly. The girls ask them how they managed to pull it off and Lily remains suspiciously silent throughout the whole conversation, which tells Sirius that she absolutely did know what they were doing last night. She's just gone soft on them after all these years.
Sirius has double Defence Against the Dark Arts halfway through the day. He sits beside Remus and watches as James practically skips over to his seat next to Regulus, who has a lollypop in his mouth. He watches as James' eyes practically double in size when Regulus pulls the lolly out of his mouth with a loud Pop! and then grimaces because ew. No. He wishes he could erase the sight of that suggestive look in Regulus' eyes. Maybe he could convince someone to obliviate him.
The rest of the day passes relatively slowly. After dinner, Sirius and Remus head up to Gryffindor Tower. He knows that Peter is off with Benji tonight and James is taking Regulus god knows where - honestly, he didn't ask because he didn't want to know in case James accidentally divulged too much about his plans to romance Sirius' little brother. Frank and Alice have said that they're going to spend their evening in Hogsmeade (they will be sneaking through Godric's secret passageway).
Sirius expects, because they have an empty dormitory for the first time since before Christmas, that this means he and Remus will be getting up to some of the scenarios that have been running through his mind for the last week or so.
When they make it up to the dormitory, Sirius is the first to enter it. He doesn't notice it at first, too busy walking into the room backwards and talking Remus' ear off, but, when he turns around, he almost gasps.
All around the room candles are lit, illuminating the room warmly, and there are bouquets of red roses surrounding Sirius' bed. After a closer inspection, he notices a teddy bear sitting on his bed, holding a red heart that says, Mine, on it. He thinks about how, usually, things like this have, Be Mine, written out on them, but that would imply that it's a question. And it isn't a question, not at all. Sirius is Remus'.
Music hums through the space, spinning on the record player in the corner of the room. It's classical and perfectly matches the rest of the ambiance.
Sirius turns to look at Remus again, briefly wondering if he's just walked in on Frank's surprise for Alice, but then that wouldn't explain the flowers and teddy on his bed. There's a bashful smile on Remus' face that Sirius has never seen before, not since he's known the boy. He scratches the back of his neck.
"Sorry, I know it's sappy. Believe me, this isn't... I don't usually do things like this," Remus explains, dropping his hand. "But I know you like it, so I wanted to do it for you."
Sirius steps forward, closing the gap between them, and leans up on his tiptoes to kiss him. Remus' hands jump up to his hips, tightening around them sweetly. When Sirius pulls away, he doesn't go far, pressing their foreheads together.
"You didn't have to, Remus," he whispers, watching the way Remus' eyes turn amber. "I know you hate all of this... what was the word you used? Sappy stuff." He giggles.
"I do," Remus nods lightly. He meets Sirius' eyes again. "But I don't mind it much when it's for you."
"Bloody hell, and you call me the sappy one?" Sirius throws his head back and laughs loudly. "God, I love you, you big idiot."
Remus grins and nuzzles into Sirius' neck, making him squirm and shriek. When he tries to get away, Remus simply wraps his arms around Sirius' body and lifts him off his feet. He walks across the room and drops Sirius carefully onto his bed, instantly following after him.
"I love you, too," Remus whispers, knocking their noses together. "Again, I don't wanna sound too soft, but... you're it for me." His expression turns serious as their gazes meet. "I don't want to love anyone else, just you."
Funnily, Sirius sort of feels like crying at Remus' proclamation. He doesn't, thankfully; he doesn't want to ruin the mood. Instead, he allows himself to feel entirely overwhelmed by Remus' words, by everything he's given him, by him in general. He smiles softly and cups Remus' face in his hands.
"I've only ever loved you," Sirius confesses in a whisper. "And I only ever will. You're it for me, too, Moony."
Remus kisses him again and it feels like the beginning of forever. Maybe, in that moment, it really was, but, looking back on it, Sirius would say it was really the beginning of the end.
Saturday - 19th February, 1977
Ever since coming to the realisation that Regulus Black is his little brother, Sirius has, for some reason, been incredibly interested in getting to know every little thing about the boy that he can. Of course, this has proved to be terribly difficult, as Regulus is apparently one of the most closed-off people in the whole fucking country.
From what he's heard from James, Regulus is very capable of empathy and sharing, but Sirius is yet to see any evidence of that. He's managed to make Regulus laugh a few times, and has even gotten a few things out of him that seem more personal - but, even then, all of those things concerned the Black family, and they had made a deal to share what they knew about all things 'Noble-and-Most-Ancient-House-of-Black' months ago. So, Sirius doesn't really count that as Regulus "sharing".
It's weird because, a year ago, he would have laughed at the idea of wanting to know anything about Regulus as a person. But now, it's something that plays on his mind often.
Who is his brother?
Sirius had never bothered to care about the answers to that question, not before. Now, he would do anything to know, but his brother just so happens to be a stubborn little shit. Because of this, Sirius has had to resort to getting to know Regulus through external methods, such as watching him and figuring out what he likes to do.
So far, all he has found out this year is that Regulus hangs out with the same five people he has done since second year - Barty Crouch, Evan Rosier, Pandora Rosier, Dorcas Meadowes, and Scarlett Stark. He rarely tends to spend his time with anyone else, not unless Sirius counts his meet-ups with Astro and his secret midnight rendezvous with James.
He also knows that Regulus loves Quidditch, but that has sort of been obvious since he made the team in second year.
Other things about Regulus Black that Sirius Tonks knows: he is incredibly clever and will answer with ease when a teacher calls on him, but he never raises his hand in class; he likes to read Muggle books when he can get his hands on them (Sirius had noticed Dorcas handing him a stack of them a couple of weeks ago), and he enjoys Muggle music (James had been the one to tell him this, mentioning how Regulus had a sweet spot for the Beatles). He's mostly reserved when in public, but if someone picks on his friends, he won't hesitate to make a scene. He snaps when he shows any signs of vulnerability and he never cries when he has a panic attack. He hates it when people point out how short he is (much like Sirius himself); he loves flowers and star-gazing. He is able to keep a secret and is, surprisingly, not very deceptive about it for a Slytherin, and Sirius says that as unbiasedly as he can. It's just a fact that most Slytherins have a natural ability to act deceptively - even his mum has the capability, he's seen it in action before, to a low extent.
But Regulus... isn't.
Or, if he is, he's never utilised it before.
When Sirius lists it all out like that, it sounds like he knows a lot, like he knows about the things that matter, but he knows there's more to Regulus than what meets the eye. And, he wonders if he's crazy in thinking this, he wants to know him. He wants to know exactly who his little brother is.
Mostly, he wants to figure out if Regulus is the sort of person to choose love over duty. For James' sake, for his sake, but mostly for Regulus' own sake, Sirius hopes that Regulus will lean towards the side of love, because he has the most horribly ominous feeling that Regulus is going to be faced with a decision propositioned by his family sometime soon that concerns the war and what side he's planning to fight for.
Please don't choose the other side; I want to know you. I think I do, but what if I'm wrong?
Another thing Sirius knows about Regulus is that he likes having familiar faces in the stands when he's playing a Quidditch match. It's evident in the way he always grins towards his friends and then towards James right after he's caught the Snitch. And he catches it every single fucking time.
Seriously, Sirius is pretty sure Regulus has never not caught the Snitch since they've been at Hogwarts. Surely, that makes him some sort of Seeker-prodigy or something?
He never used to, but Sirius has started going to every single Slytherin game this year. And, every time, Regulus will catch the Snitch, look over at his friends, look over at James, and his eyes will slide over to Sirius, who always smiles proudly at him.
It was strange how quickly that older brother instinctive need to protect had overcome him when he found out who Regulus really was. He'd gone from making fun of the boy to wanting to protect him from any possible external threats. He'd gone from despising him whenever Regulus happened to excel over him in certain lessons, to feeling pride over it.
He still isn't used to how overwhelming it's all been, if he's being completely honest.
Today is the day of the Slytherin versus Hufflepuff game; the first game of the year that, depending on the point score by the end of it, will determine which team gets cut from the rest of the games this year.
Sirius climbs the rickety, wooden steps up to the Gryffindor stands with James, Remus, Mary, Miriam and Charlotte. Peter had decided to sit this one out and stayed behind in the dormitory this morning.
Sirius isn't blind or stupid, okay? He knows that Peter isn't particularly fond of Regulus, and after having spent years rivalling against him with Sirius, he can't really blame Peter for it. But then that elder brother protective instinct thing kicks in and, whenever he spots Peter rolling his eyes or scowling over the mention of Regulus' name, Sirius wants to snap at him to shut up or stop it.
He hasn't... yet, because he knows that Peter doesn't trust Slytherins, least of all the ones he's been hating for the last six years nearly. But, it still pisses him off.
Right at the intersection where the stairs split in two directions between the Slytherin and Gryffindor stands, Remus almost runs directly into Snape. Sirius snaps his hand out and pulls Remus gently away by the hand just in time, but Snape still spots them.
Sirius grimaces and rolls his eyes, ready for whatever crap is about to come out of this half-wit's mouth.
"Watch where your pet is stepping, Tonks," Snape says in that bland-arse voice of his that makes Sirius want to kill himself whenever he hears it. "Maybe you should get a leash before he dogs into anyone else."
The thing is, Sirius has been doing his absolute best to ignore Snivellus this year. At the end of last year, he had almost spilled Remus' secret to the slimy git and he will never forgive himself for that, not ever. It's the worst thing he's ever done - or almost done. He and Remus have spoken about it a few times, whenever Sirius felt especially sick with himself over it, but Remus has assured him that he's one-hundred percent forgiven, even though he "didn't actually do anything wrong".
Still. Sirius hates the way that Snape can get under his skin. It's just- he's so fucking irritating, that Sirius would do anything to see him shocked. Or to see him shut the fuck up for once. Whichever comes first, really.
James has also been avoiding Snape for the last year, ever since he pinned him by throat against the old oak out by the lake for calling Lily a Mudblood. Sirius had been surprised at the time - as James has always been very anti-violence of any kind - but he was mostly just fucking proud. If James hadn't done it, Sirius would have, or maybe even Remus; he had looked just as pissed off as the rest of them the moment the slur passed Snivellus' lips.
"Believe me, Snivellus, it was an accident," Sirius sneers back at him. "No one would bump into you on purpose, not if they could help it."
"Really? Because the bruises I had from Potter's vicious attack last year would prove otherwise," Snape scoffs, turning his beady, little eyes on James. "Seems he was pretty eager to-"
"Kill you? Yes, well, it's an urge we all fight with every day," Mary cuts in, pushing her way past the boys (and shoving Snape particularly hard so that he loses his footing and has to be caught by one of his nearby cronies). "Now, if you'll excuse us, beetle-breath, we have a game to watch." She blows the Slytherin boys a kiss and winks before taking her sister's hand and leading her up the rest of the steps towards the Gryffindor stands.
Snape grimaces at Mary's retreating form and straightens out his robes before casting his glare back towards the rest of them. Sirius places an arm around Miriam and lightly pushes her behind him in what he hopes is a subtle gesture.
"You heard her, jog on," Sirius flicks his chin towards the Slytherin stands.
Snape ignores him and, instead, stares right at James. When Sirius glances at his friend, he notices he's watching the floor. He wonders if James can even look at Snape after last year.
"Potter. What, are you too much of a wimp to look at me now? Have you finally realised what a lunatic you are?"
James inhales through his nose and blinks, looking right at Snape.
Sirius had originally thought that James was avoiding Snape all year because he was ashamed for acting so brashly and violently (not that Sirius had a problem with it, but he knows James hates hurting people - does Snape count as people? Now, that's an entirely different question entirely). So, he expects James to flinch or slump under Snape's accusing eyes.
What he doesn't expect is for the same anger that Sirius saw on James' face that day by the lake to flash through his eyes the moment he looks at Snape.
The pure, unfiltered rage- the danger in that one gaze sends a thrill through Sirius, similar to how he feels when one of his friends comes up with a good idea for a prank. It's the want to do something, to cause some mischief.
"Ah, so he hasn't gone deaf since the year began," Snape says in a mocking voice.
James' face twitches. Sirius wonders what he's thinking, what mental vitriol he's spewing Snape's way right now in his mind.
"Just leave it, Snape," Remus speaks up. He's been silent throughout this entire exchange until now. "Shove off if you know what's good for you."
"And why would I do that? It just got fun," Snape sniggers, eyes still on James. He looks like he's waiting for James to snap again. Sirius knows that Snape couldn't go to any teachers about what James did last year, because then he would have had to explain why James did it. He would have had to admit that he called Lily what he did, and the teacher's would have called her in for a statement, and there was no way that Lily would have sided with Snape after that.
James would have gotten detentions, Snape would have been under the threat of a possible expulsion.
"Fun? As if you'd know the meaning of the word, you boring, already-got-a-receding-hairline motherfu-" Miriam starts, moving forward like she's ready to fight him, but Sirius catches her before she can move any closer to the group of Slytherins. Sirius is slightly surprised that none of the other Slytherin boys have said anything yet and wonders if Snape told them to keep quiet and leave it to him.
"Keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you, little girl," Snape snaps and Sirius feels his blood boil. He's going to fucking kill him. "It's already not easy for you in Slytherin as a Mudblood, just think what-"
Snape doesn't get a chance to finish his sentence because he lets out an astonished gasp as James launches himself at him. Luckily, or not luckily really, Remus grabs James around the waist and fully just lifts him up off the floor.
"Let me, Remus! Let me- let me-"
"Let you what?" Remus yells over James' frantic grunts as he tries to squirm out of his arms. Remus is pulling him away in the direction Mary and Charlotte went a few minutes ago. "It's not worth it, mate."
"I have to do something !" James continues to try and escape. "Let me at him!"
As more students start to make their way up the stands, Sirius grabs Miriam and takes it as the distraction he needs to evade the rest of Snape's Snape-ness and pull them up towards the Gryffindor stands, right after Remus and the pissed off James Potter in his arms.
When they get up there, Mary looks at James and frowns, standing instantly from her seat.
"Alright, for fuck's sake, Remus, you can put me down now," James snaps and Remus finally listens. He drops him to the floor and James instantly turns around, eyes blazing as he narrows his eyes at Remus, clearly still riled up after all of that. "Why did you do that? He's a piece of shit, and he-"
"Yeah, James, I know that funnily enough," Remus retorts irritably. "But killing him in front of the whole school isn't exactly going to win you any points or teach him any lessons. So, sit down and calm the fuck down."
James, chest still rising and falling rapidly, stares at Remus for a moment more before he slumps down onto the bench. Mary sits down beside him and strokes her hand up and down his arm. Sirius watches as it hits James all at once that he just lost it again. His expression flickers: anger, calmness, realisation, horror, and finally, fear.
Remus must notice, too, because he instantly kneels down in front of him and places his hands comfortingly on James' shoulders.
"It's okay," Remus assures him, voice steady and eyes certain. "You're allowed to be angry. You just blow up a bit more than the rest of us because you bury it down and you're not able to regulate it as easily. But, James, it's okay."
James nods stiltedly, like he can't quite hear Remus' words.
"Do you want to stay and watch the game, or do you want to go?" Remus asks him.
James takes a minute to answer, his eyes jumping from Remus, to the stands that are slowly filling around them, and then to the pitch. He swallows.
"I wanna stay and see- them play," James responds, clearly trying not to say Regulus' name.
"Alright," Remus nods. He gets up off the floor, wincing as his knees click, and sits down beside James.
Sirius takes the seat next to Remus and Miriam follows him.
"Sirius," she whispers, low enough that no one around them could hear. Except for Remus, but that's because he has supernatural hearing.
"Yeah?"
"Does James always get angry like that?" She asks, and Sirius notices that she doesn't look scared or even worried, just curious.
"No, not really. He doesn't get angry... ever, actually. So, when he does, he sort of blows up a bit," Sirius smiles sympathetically, not really sure if he should be sharing this with his twelve-year-old cousin who sort of idolises James at this point. "Better people have gotten angry at lesser things than James just did. He's just... He doesn't like it when people say that word."
"Mudblood," Miriam whispers, and that fear that Sirius was expecting to see before finally makes itself known in the sheen that suddenly covers her eyes and the croak in her voice.
"Yeah," Sirius swallows. He had hoped, naively, that Miriam would never hear that word. "It's a shitty word that exists for a shitty reason. If anyone ever says it to you, you ignore it, okay? Words only hold meaning if you give them the power to. So, don't give it to them. You shouldn't have to feel like crap because someone else is a piece of shit."
"Okay," she nods and turns to face the pitch.
Sirius nudges her, "Hey, kid?"
"Yeah?"
"What you said to Snape? Nice," he grins and holds his hand out. Miriam beams up at him and smacks her hand to his in a high-five.
When the players start making their way onto the pitch, Miriam jumps up from her seat and presses herself as close to the rail between her and the open air as she can. She waves at Regulus when he glances their way, who just nods back, looking distracted.
The first twenty minutes of the game are pretty mediocre in that no one pulls any dangerous manoeuvres and there aren't any rules broken or fouls played. However, right before the half-an-hour point in the game, something peculiar happens.
One of the Bludgers starts chasing Barty as if it's been possessed by a sudden intent; everyone knows that Bludgers have no particular course of action and just shoot off in whatever direction they are hit. They're erratic, but they're also only charmed, meaning they aren't sentient, so they have no ability to make choices such as changing course. Sirius, as a Beater, knows this well.
"That shouldn't be happening, right?" Remus questions from beside him, watching on with furrowed brows.
"No, it shouldn't," Sirius answers. "The only reason it would be chasing anyone by itself would be if someone charmed it to do so."
"So, what you're saying is..."
"Someone's either trying to sabotage the Slytherin team, or they have a grudge against Barty Crouch," Sirius finishes his sentence for him. "Either are equally plausible."
Sirius watches as Barty becomes aware of the loose cannon that's following him at a dangerous speed. He doesn't look scared by it though, just confused. He flies expertly away from it, dodging other players and making sure to guide it away from his own team, probably not wanting to put any of them in danger if the Bludger is going to keep following him. He flies high up in the air, and it feels like everyone in the stands have their eyes on him.
Alice, who joined them a couple of minutes into the game with Frank by her side, gasps, covering her face with her hands. She's standing beside Charlotte, who looks just as puzzled by the event transpiring before them as Remus is.
Barty manages to lead the Bludger away from the main area of the pitch, away from most of the players. It continues to follow him. Sirius wonders why a professor hasn't stepped in by now and done something.
Sirius' eyes widen as he spots another player not much higher in the air than Barty, their arm extended, flying right towards where Barty is careening up into the sky.
Regulus.
"No," Sirius breathes, scrambling to get his wand out of his pocket, wanting to help before-
Crkkk.
His eyes jump up to the spot where Regulus had just been flying, where he is now falling. He must have not noticed the Bludger and only seen Barty because he had, somehow, managed to avoid flying into him.
That noise, the one that had made most of the onlookers jump around him, had been the Bludger colliding with Regulus.
"Regulus," James chokes out and Sirius had almost forgotten that James was watching, too. He is quickly reminded when James jumps up from his seat and starts running towards the steps.
Sirius goes after him, chasing to, hopefully, catch up with him in time to walk up with Regulus as he gets taken back up to the castle. That cracking noise - it hadn't been the sound of a small injury, just a broken bone. No, it had been hard, hollow.
Like it had hit him square in the face.
Sirius isn't sure he's ever run so fast in his fucking life. He feels like he's apparated when he suddenly finds himself at the bottom of the stands, hot on James' heels. He can vaguely make out Madam Pomfrey in the distance, much closer to the castle than they are, a stretcher floating beside her. Sirius had never really realised how far the Quidditch pitch was from the castle, not until now. When James got hit by a Bludger in that one game during fifth year, it had felt much shorter. Now, it feels like it could take years for Sirius to get to Regulus.
He catches up to James and almost surpasses his speed, even with James having longer legs than him. His panic drives him forward faster until he's running at an inhuman speed.
When they reach the castle, their shoes squeak as they take a quick right-hand turn and hurry down the corridor. They make it to the infirmary less than a minute later. Sirius pushes on the door, but it doesn't budge. He bangs his hands against it.
"Come on, open! Open up!" He yells at the wood. "Fuck, just- just- please."
It takes him a second to realise that James isn't beside him, he isn't trying to get in. When Sirius turns around, he finds James pacing, his hands buried deep in his hair, an ill expression on his face.
"Sirius, it hit him straight in the fucking head," James says. He stops his movements and slowly looks up at Sirius. The moment their eyes meet, James bursts into tears. Sirius instantly moves forward and wraps his arms around him.
"He's going to be fine, he's going to be fine," he says, and he isn't sure if he's trying to convince himself or James more. "He has to be. He's going to be fine. It's- It's Regulus, okay? He's going to be fine."
He tries to ignore the way his own throat closes up, a lump forming as the urge to cry hits him. He doesn't let himself, though, wanting to stay strong for James, but also knowing that if Poppy comes out now and sees him crying outside the infirmary over an injury caused to Regulus Black, she'll have some questions. After all, it isn't exactly a Hogwarts secret that they used to not be able to stand each other.
Everyone knows what it means if you're hit in the head by a Bludger...
No, no!
Sirius hears the sound of smacking footsteps against the marble floor and looks up from where he had buried his face in James' shoulder. He spots Dorcas first, who looks like she just ran a marathon, followed shortly by Scarlett and Pandora, and then Remus, who probably took longer because of his knees.
Briefly, he wonders where Barty and Evan are, if they're still on the pitch; but then, Dorcas is on the team now, too, so did she just leave?
Sirius wonders if Regulus caught the Snitch or if the Bludger made him miss it, ruining his perfect streak.
It's such an odd thought to have amidst everything else going on, but he can't help it.
Sirius extricates himself from around James, who has now spotted the additional people, too. Much to his surprise, when they approach them, Pandora goes right for James and pulls him into a hug. He doesn't start crying again, but he does bury his face into her shoulder. Pandora strokes his back in a motherly gesture that makes Sirius wonder how close they are exactly. He had never really thought about it before, but is James close with Regulus' friends, too? He knows James and Barty have some weird friendship dynamic that started when Barty and Mary dated back in fourth year, but he doesn't know about the rest.
Dorcas starts banging her fists against the doors, similarly to what Sirius had been doing a minute ago. Before he can tell her that it's no use, they are joined by Evan and Barty, who have their brooms in their hands still, which tells Sirius they must have bloody flown here from the pitch.
"Where's Reggie?" Evan asks no one in particular.
"Are we locked out?" Barty asks and then immediately kicks the door. It doesn't budge.
Dorcas, who has finally stopped banging on the door, has an absolutely furious and panicked look on her face as she turns around. Sirius can't help but be grateful that Regulus has such fiercely protective and caring friends. That is until Dorcas' eyes land on him and they narrow.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Her voice is sharp and cutting, nothing like anything Sirius has ever heard from her before. The closest she's ever come to sounding like this is when she's arguing with Marlene, but even then there is nowhere near as much rage in her eyes as there is now.
"Yeah, go away, Tonks. Do you really think messing with him today is going to get you anywhere?" Scarlett adds.
Sirius notices Evan and Barty share a look. He knows that they know, but he wasn't aware that Regulus' other friends might not. Pandora knows, obviously, because she tends to know most things.
Clearly, there's a reason why Regulus hasn't told Dorcas and Stark yet, so Sirius isn't planning on telling them anytime soon. It isn't for him to tell, not to them.
"I- I'm-" Sirius stutters out, unsure what to say.
Remus steps forward and holds out a steadying hand, eyes friendly as he looks at Dorcas. "He isn't here to cause trouble, see? Don't you remember his birthday? Him and Regulus are- friendlier now."
"I don't give a flying pig's arse if they bonded for one night," Dorcas barks, fury becoming her. "He's hated him for years and that matters more. Regulus is- he's- He shouldn't be here!" She points at Sirius.
"I should be here!" Sirius shouts back because he can't help himself. "I- I do care..."
"Bullshit," Stark snaps. She steps forward, looking more expressive than Sirius has ever seen her. She looks upset, both sad and angry. "Regulus wouldn't want you here, even if you are nicer to each other now. He's been injured, badly, so you should respect that, and respect the people here who really care, by getting lost."
"Scarlett..." Barty says half-heartedly, surprising Sirius because... was Barty Crouch about to stick up for him?
"Surely, it's fine for him to stay to comfort his friend," Evan says, gesturing to James, who is still a mess in Pandora's arms.
"Fuck that," Dorcas laughs, but there's no humour to it. She marches right up to Sirius, getting in his face, and glares at him hard. "If you don't leave right now, I'm going to hex you into next week."
"Fucking try it, Meadowes, but I'm staying," Sirius tries to say calmly, but it comes out as more of a bitter snap. Because suddenly, it hits him. Regulus could be dying behind those doors, and Sirius doesn't even think he's being dramatic in thinking that. If James is right, if it hit his head-
Sirius can't- he can't lose him. Not before he's saved him. Not ever.
Not his little brother.
Tears burn the back of his eyeballs, but he tries to swallow them down, not wanting to show just how much he cares, because, again, that would lead to questions. Ones he can't answer. Ones he shouldn't answer.
Dorcas pulls out her wand and shoves it his face. Sirius doesn't even blink, but Remus tries to get between them.
"Dorcas," Remus calls her name, but she doesn't seem to hear him.
"You have three seconds," she announces. "One... two... thr-"
"He's his brother!" Barty yells out, looking regretful the moment he's said it.
However, it seems to be the exact thing that causes Dorcas to hesitate. She slowly turns to face Barty, looking bewildered, like she has no idea who is whose brother.
"What?"
Barty glances between where Dorcas' wand is still being held out, to Sirius, and then back to Dorcas. He sighs.
"Fuck, he's going to kill me for telling you this," Barty mumbles to himself. He looks right into Dorcas' eyes as he declares, "Sirius is Regulus' brother."
Dorcas stares at him blankly for a moment, not a single reaction taking place on her face. Then, she turns her wand towards Barty, but not in a threatening way. It's more like she's pointing her finger at him.
"You must think I'm an idiot if you think I'm going to believe that," she huffs.
Suddenly, Stark gasps and everyone turns to look at her.
"Oh, Merlin," she exclaims, her eyes moving towards Sirius. The expression on her face looks like she's just been given the missing piece of a puzzle she's spent years trying to solve. "You're one of Andromeda's children, aren't you?"
"One of who?" Dorcas asks at the same time Sirius nods.
"Oh," Stark blinks. "That..." She doesn't seem to know what to say.
"There's no way it's true," Dorcas shakes her head, but now she's staring at Barty like she's imploring him to tell her the truth. He steps forward, into her space, and reaches out to slowly lower her wand. He looks her dead in the eye and confirms it.
"I'm not lying and this isn't some silly prank," Barty tells her. "They're really brothers. Regulus found out at the end of last year, during that detention they shared together, but he didn't want to tell anyone else. He's been- it's been hard for him. And I know this sounds absolutely nuts to the balls insane, but they actually do... care about each other." He grimaces over the word "care", like he too can't believe it.
"I have to hear this from Regulus," Dorcas says, her voice faint.
"And you will," Barty assures her, resting his hands on her shoulders, acting strangely gently for Barty Crouch. "He's going to be fine."
Sirius, feeling exhausted all of a sudden, drags his feet over to the wall beside the infirmary doors and drops down onto the floor. He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his forehead against his knees, counting down from one-hundred in threes. It's something his mum told him to do when he was panicking so much that he couldn't remember to breathe.
One-hundred... ninety-seven... ninety-four...
He feels someone sit down beside him and wishes it was Remus, but he can tell that it isn't. When he's counted down to zero, he glances up and finds Barty of all people sitting next to him.
Barty coughs awkwardly. "You, uh, okay?"
Sirius, stupidly, feels like laughing at that.
"No," he admits honestly. The moment he says it out loud, he feels his eyes begin to water again. "No, I'm not."
How am I supposed to protect him from them when I'm halfway across the country if I can't even protect him when we're in the same place?
When he opens his mouth to breathe, it gets caught in his throat and his chin wobbles. He feels a tear pour down his cheek and spring off his chin. He keeps looking at Barty, too afraid to look anywhere else for some reason, like, if he glances up, he'll find Dorcas pointing her wand at him again, or find Stark with that realisation on her face.
He doesn't think Barty looks concerned exactly that he's crying, after all, he doesn't care about Sirius. But, there is a slight furrow between his eyebrows, and a conflict swirling around in his eyes.
What Sirius notices though is that Barty doesn't break their eye contact either. Maybe, he's just as afraid to look up, to look at reality, as Sirius is.
"What if he's not okay," Sirius manages to say, blinking out more tears. His hands clench against the fabric of his sleeves. Barty's hands flutter upwards, around him, like he's going to reach out before he remembers who it is he's, sort of, comforting right now.
"He will be," Barty whispers. "He's Regulus, he's a survivor."
"Wh-"
Sirius' voice dies in his throat as he finally looks away from Barty, only to notice someone approaching the infirmary, her heels clacking down the hall. Sirius has seen her before, once a few years ago at the train station after James pointed her out. He had thought she looked terrifying at the time, not that he cared much back then. He didn't spare the woman another thought after glancing away from her.
Now, the foreboding clack, clack, clack of her heels against the marble floor makes him flinch, scares him in a way that feels all too familiar and brand new all at once.
Walburga Black.
The moment Barty turns to look at what Sirius has seen, he jumps up from the floor and stands in front of him, like he's trying to shield Sirius from her, or hide him away. Once again, he finds himself wondering if and why Barty cares about helping him.
When she makes it to where they are all standing, Sirius feels all of the breath that had gotten caught in his throat get knocked out of him, suddenly dislodged. He can't see her from here, not with Barty's body in the way.
That doesn't stop him from shivering when he hears her speak.
His mother.
"What is the meaning of this dawdling?" Walburga snaps, sounding scarier than Sirius could have ever imagined, even though he's heard her through howlers before. Somehow, in real life, it's different.
He glances up at Remus, who is already watching him, looking like he wants to come and protect him, too, but knowing that he can't, not without drawing attention towards him.
Thankfully, Evan Rosier jumps in.
"Lady Black," he greets. "We were just waiting for news on Regulus'... condition. I assume you have been summoned due to his injury?"
Sirius is impressed by the steady, prim set to Evan's voice. He used to think that all of Regulus' friends sounded weirdly posh, but now, he sees the difference between them safe from their parents and the standards set for them when they're at Hogwarts compared to them face to face with one of their parents.
"Hm, quite," she sounds like she's regarding Evan dismissively.
"Oh, we are," Evan says. Then, in a sniffy accent that would make Sirius laugh in any other scenario, "They are waiting to be let in because- oh, what was it again? Potter had a mental breakdown or something just as pathetic. We are not with them, of course."
"Of course," Walburga agrees, her voice still sounding just as pinched. "Why, pray tell, have you not attempted to let yourselves in?"
"We have, Mrs Black," Stark starts speaking now, addressing the woman much less formally than Evan had. Sirius wonders if it has something to do with the fact that Scarlett is supposed to be the woman's future daughter-in-law. "We cannot get past the doors. Madam Pomfrey appears to have denied us all access. We are very worried - do you think you could help us get in?"
There's silence for a moment and Sirius wonders if Walburga is sizing Scarlett up.
"I suppose," she decides in the end. "Come along then."
Walburga walks right up to the door and knocks on it. There's a small gap between the wall and Barty's leg that gives Sirius enough access to see exactly what she looks like up close.
I have her nose, is the first thing he thinks for some reason.
They also have the same raven-coloured hair and skin so pale it may as well be translucent. She holds herself with the same stiffness Regulus does, like she's got a really long ruler strapped to her back. Her eyes are sharp and cold, and Sirius can't help but feel sorry for the door she's staring at.
Speaking of.
The doors finally open and he has to resist the urge to jump up and rush in. Instead, he stays still and, thankfully, so does Barty, even when the rest of them hurry towards the doors.
"Where is my heir?" Walburga insists the moment she comes face to face with Madam Pomfrey.
My heir.
Not "my son", but "my heir".
That leaves a bitter taste in Sirius' mouth.
"He is under observation at the moment and will have to be for the next few days. Unfortunately, he received a very traumatic head wound, and we won't know if it has affected his memory until he wakes up," Poppy explains. Sirius listens to every single word. "His wounds have been healed as extensively as they can be. However, head wounds, as I am sure you already know, must be left to heal mostly by themselves."
"He isn't dead?" Walburga asks, her voice remaining blank like she's talking about something as simple as the damn weather.
"No and nor will he be in the near future," Poppy reassures her, as if Walburga is a loving mother who actually cares about her child. Sirius knows that isn't true. He fucking hates this woman. "You can come and see him if-"
"Why would I do such a thing? He is still unconscious and you say he is well," Walburga explains in a tone that suggests Poppy is dumb for not having already thought of these points. "I only came to make sure he was not dead. I have no other reason for staying."
And, with that, she turns on her heal and marches off down the corridor.
It takes less than a breath after that for them all to start piling into the infirmary. Poppy yells at them that she can only have so many in at a time, but no one listens to her. They use Evan's excuse about James having a mental breakdown - but instead call it a panic attack - and pretend that's why Remus and Sirius are there, too.
James is told to sit on the bed next to Regulus' as Poppy goes to get a calming draught. The moment she's gone, James is up and out of his bed, hurrying over to Regulus' side. Sirius follows and so does Remus.
Sirius stares down at Regulus' prone form and feels like throwing up. There's a red stain on the left side of his face, as if there was blood there before but it had been wiped away as much as it could be. There's also a bandage wrapped around his head and a massive bruise on the left side of his forehead and under his eye.
He looks paler than usual, if that's even possible.
His eyes move over to the bedside table and he almost laughs, astonished, as he notices a Snitch sitting there.
The little shit caught it anyway.
Of course, he did, Sirius thinks, he's a star.
Sunday - 20th February, 1977
Sirius doesn't sleep very well the night after Regulus' injury. He can't stop thinking about Madam Pomfrey's words.
We won't know if it has affected his memory until he wakes up.
What if Regulus has lost his memory? What if he forgets that he and Sirius are brothers? What if he only remembers the before? And who the fuck did this to him?
Remus is in his bed, arms around him, chin on his head. He had taken a while to fall asleep the night before, likely worried about Regulus, too, because apparently those two are friends. Sirius has been falling in and out of sleep all night, but, at five in the morning, he wakes up and can't seem to get back to sleep.
He slides out of bed, and out of Remus' arms, hoping not to wake him, and heads for the bathroom. On his way there, he glances towards James' bed, knowing he isn't there before he even spots the empty bed. He had told Sirius that he would be spending the night in the infirmary. Sirius knows he's hoping that Regulus will wake up whilst he's there.
It's a few hours later when James returns to the dormitory. Frank and Peter have already gone down to breakfast, Remus is still in bed, and Sirius is sitting by the window, just staring out at the grounds, at the Quidditch pitch. He can still see Regulus falling every time he closes his eyes, like it's been branded into the back of his eyelids.
At the sight of James, he jumps up from the window and hurries across the room. He wraps his hands around James' upper arms and stares at him, waiting for him to say something, an update, anything.
A small smile spreads across his face and he nods.
"He's okay?" Sirius breathes out.
"Yeah," James grins, eyes a bit watery. "He hasn't forgotten anything, except for the match. Luckily, he woke up when his friends were there, too, so they got Madam Pomfrey to check over him and he's going to be just fine, she said. He's still healing and will be for the next few days, but he's going to be okay, Sirius."
"Oh, thank god," Sirius says as he pushes forward and wraps his arms around James. "So, he's awake then?"
"He fell back to sleep before I left, but Pandora's still with him if you want to go and visit him," James whispers, hugging him back.
"Okay," Sirius nods as he pulls back. "How are you? Did you get much sleep?"
"An hour or two," James mumbles sheepishly and Sirius gets the impression he's lying.
"Go rest up, and tell Remus where I've gone once he's awake, will you?" Sirius requests as he moves around James towards his trunk. He gets dressed and then goes to the bathroom to clean his teeth and pulls his hair into a bun - it's very messy from all of his tossing and turning he did last night.
James lets him take the cloak with him, for in case Poppy or someone else comes in to check on Regulus. It would be suspicious if Sirius Tonks, of all people, were visiting him.
It doesn't take him very long to get to the infirmary seeing as he basically runs there and takes every secret short cut he can think of. When he arrives, he sneaks in through the door and notices Pomfrey heading towards her office at the back of the wing. She doesn't spot him when he slips through the infirmary towards the only bed that has curtains closed around it.
Pandora is sitting in a chair beside Regulus' bed. She glances up at him and smiles kindly when she realises who it is. Sirius smiles back at her and then looks over at Regulus. There's a distinct difference between how he looked yesterday when he was unconscious and how he looks now. For one, he isn't sleeping in the stiffest position imaginable, with his hands by his sides and his head facing forwards.
Now, he's on his side, his eyelashes fluttering, and his mouth is open.
Sirius almost laughs when he realises he's snoring.
One of Regulus' arms is tucked up against his body, but the other is hanging over the side of the bed. His legs are splayed apart, one of them is no longer covered by the sheet on top of him, like he kicked it off in his sleep.
Sirius smiles fondly down at him.
God, he's so relieved that Regulus is okay.
"How long has he been out for?" Sirius asks as he drops down into the seat next to Pandora.
"An hour or so," she replies, watching Regulus with warmth in her eyes. "He'll be awake very soon. I can give you two some privacy, if you'd like?"
"Oh, would you mind?" Sirius asks, not wanting to send her away.
"Not at all," Pandora promises. She gets up from her seat and goes over to Regulus' bedside. Sirius watches as she pushes back a strand of his hair that had fallen over his face, before leaning down to press a small kiss to his forehead. When she turns around again, she says, "He's all yours."
"Thanks," Sirius tells her and she squeezes his shoulder as she passes him.
Pandora was right, it isn't very long before Regulus' eyes scrunch up and he blinks his eyes open. He winces under the light shining through the window, reaching up a hand to clutch his head. Sirius moves forward in an instant, grabbing the glass of water on the bedside table and passing it to him.
Regulus looks up at him and almost appears to be surprised by Sirius' presence. He takes the glass and sips from it. Once he's finished half of it, he puts it back on the table and scoots up the bed, leaning back against his pillows.
"Sirius," Regulus says, looking uncertain.
"Morning, Reggie," Sirius says. He doesn't know when he started using that nickname or where the hell it came from, but it just keeps... coming out of him. Regulus hasn't told him to stop saying it yet, so he assumes it's okay.
"Where did Pandora and James go?" Regulus asks, rubbing his hand along his forehead like it pains him.
"James went back to the tower to get some sleep and Pandora just left, but I think she's coming back. Do you need a pain potion for your head or something?"
"There should be one..." Regulus glances at the bedside table and Sirius follows his gaze. The pain potion is out of his reach, so Sirius grabs it for him and uncorks it before passing it along. Regulus guzzles it down like a man dying of dehydration. "Thanks."
"How are you feeling, other than the pain? Do they know who did it yet?" Sirius questions. He's been thinking about it all night. So far, he's only come up with Snape as a possibility, but even he doesn't completely make sense. The Bludger had originally been after Barty, and it isn't a secret that Barty has multiple enemies.
"I feel like shit and, no, we don't know who did it. Not yet," Regulus mumbles, staring down at the sheets.
"But you think you do know, don't you?" Sirius observes the other boy with narrowed eyes. Regulus is lying, he can tell.
"Well, there's one person who has been trying to get back at Barty all year for what he did to his sister," Regulus admits, meeting Sirius' eyes again. "Last year, Barty got into a fight of sorts with Alecto Carrow and ended up shoving her off a couch and yelling at her. Amycus has been pissed ever since."
"Oh, excellent," Sirius rolls his eyes. He, like everyone else in the school, hates those Carrow brats. "So, you're saying that Carrow did this to you?"
"Possibly," Regulus shrugs. "Barty thinks so, too, which is why he and Evan left. They're going to confront him about it. Scarlett and Dorcas went with them to make sure they don't do anything that gets them expelled, but they're pretty mad about it all, too, so I'm not sure how well that's going to go."
"James mentioned that you don't remember the match, and, honestly, it's probably for the best that you don't remember being hit by that Bludger," Sirius blinks rapidly as he tries to shake away the images flashing through his mind of Regulus dropping from the sky. "It was... awful."
"Yeah, I'm surprised I didn't forget anything else," Regulus admits. "James was afraid I'd forgotten him, as if." He scoffs, but a small, fond smile curls at his lips. "Forgetting him would be impossible."
"Alright, Romeo," Sirius snorts. He sighs as a serious (it isn't the time for jokes, which is why he isn't about to make one) expression befalls his face. "I sort of thought you might have forgotten me, or, at least, that you don't despise me anymore."
"Who's to say I still don't?" Regulus raises an eyebrow, humour sparkling in his eyes.
"Ha ha, very funny," Sirius shakes his head. "I don't want to go back... to how it was before, I mean. I- I like where we are now, who we are. Don't you?"
A slightly uncomfortable expression makes its way onto Regulus' face, like he doesn't know how to respond to that. Sirius wonders if it's because he doesn't do well with emotions, or if it's because he doesn't agree.
Regulus swallows and nods. "Yeah, I do."
"Oh, good," Sirius sighs with relief. "God, guess what happened."
"What?"
"I saw Walburga Black live and in person," Sirius explains, eyes widening. "She was absolutely terrifying, I don't know how you've survived for this long without dying from fear honestly."
"Did she see you?" Regulus asks, looking worried by the idea.
"No. Weirdly enough, Barty hid me from her," Sirius says. When Regulus gives him a confused look, Sirius explains everything that happened the day before, from the moment he arrived at the infirmary and James breaking down in his arms, to when he left to go to dinner.
"That is odd, Barty isn't your biggest fan," Regulus confesses. "I can't believe Scarlett and Dorcas know. I should have told them..."
"Why didn't you?"
Regulus shrugs. "I don't even know. I guess... it just doesn't really matter at the moment, does it? It doesn't change anything for them, just for us, so they didn't need to know. Evan and Barty only know because they were there right after I realised and I sort of freaked out on them about it."
"I almost killed Snape after I found out about us being brothers," Sirius admits bashfully. "I ran into him in the corridor not long after and he was provoking me. Luckily, I realised what I was doing before I actually did anything too brash and I ran away."
"Is that why you nearly got into a fight with him yesterday?" Regulus asks.
"How do you know about that?"
"James told me," he shrugs. "He lost it again, so he told me."
"I'm worried about James," Sirius admits suddenly. He hasn't actually said that out loud yet, not to anybody, but it's true. He's been worried about James ever since the first time he hurt Snape, because James doesn't hurt people. He just doesn't, and yet, when he did, it came so easily to him. It was almost like he was possessed.
"Me too," Regulus whispers. "He's not... he isn't very good at controlling his anger when he's provoked like that. I think it has something to do with his unresolved trauma concerning Harry-"
"You know about Harry?" Sirius interrupts.
"Of course, I do. I know everything about James. He told me back in third year," Regulus tells him. "Anyway, my point is, I need you to watch over him and make sure he doesn't let it control him. I can't always be there to help him when he needs it, so it has to be you."
Sirius wonders to himself why it sounds like Regulus is planning to vanish off the face of the earth, but he shakes the thought away. Regulus would never leave James - he just said it would be impossible to forget him, and that has to mean something, right?
"Okay, I will," Sirius promises him. "I'll be there when he needs me."
He didn't know it then, but Sirius would break that promise; he would do it whilst keeping another, the most important promise he's ever made.
To protect his brother.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Platonic Moonwater will forever be my roman empire. they're just so ahhhh, like yes Remus is here for Reg, and yes he knows that. cuties.
- "Everything is simple with James" wtf, I don't remember writing that and now I'm in pain (usually I go into a trance when I write, so half of the time I have no idea what's gonna be written. I have a general idea for the plot points, but not the actual words, so I'm usually shocked a lot when I find depressing-arse lines like that one)
- soooo that's Regulus' task.... thoughts?
- btw Regulus also didn't put evan, barty or pandora's names on the list because he doesn't actually know where they stand yet in the war - they have never openly expressed their opinions about it like dorcas and scarlett have
- this is a very Black brothers heavy chapter, it made me so happy :)
- damn I really gave Sirius a whole monologue there, didn't I?
- Regulus knows how many Horcruxes to look for now.. so, ya know, progress?
- me: you're not a wizard, elliot 😬
- WOLFSTAR! I adore them, your honour. (also, peter's "happy valentine's day, peter" took me out 😭)
- "I don't want to love anyone else, just you." Okay, Remus, okay, we get it, stop 😭✋ don't mind me, I'm just crying in the corner over them
- I'm laughing at the angsty one-liners I'm just sprinkling everywhere. like, wolfstar are just getting it on and I start talking about how it's the beginning of the end 💀
- Mary freaking Macdonald 👑👏👏 and Miriam damn Swallow 👑👏👏
- angry James angry James angry James, I chant like some sort of cult leader
- oops, so uh yeah... Reg kinda got smooshed. my bad? hey, at least James and Pandora were being cutie patooties whilst mourning him :D
- I love how when there's actually a serious situation, Barty starts acting like the reasonable one. Regulus is hurt? Barty's suddenly the sanest person in the room. He knows exactly what he's doing.
- well, Sirius just sort of met Walburga for the first time in his life. safe to say, he hated that experience with every fibre of his being.
- "Forgetting him would be impossible" 👀 who else is crying?Aaaaand that's all, folks! (idk why I just called you guys that..) See you next week on Tuesday, I'm trying to get back to my regular posting days. I wanted to post this today though because it's the last day of pride month, so happy pride month!! here's some gay angst 🤲😁
Chapter 82: Sixth Year: A Kind of Magic
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-discriminatory behaviour (it is about mythical creatures, but still)
-slightly graphic werewolf transformation
-Dumbledore warning
-brief mention of a panic attack
-brief mention of the head injury from the previous chapter
-mentions of war/attacks
-angst
-explicit sexual content
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
This flame that burns inside of me
I'm hearing secret harmonies (it's a kind of magic)
The bell that rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time
~ Queen
Saturday - 5th March, 1977
Remus
It's only eight o'clock in the morning and Remus already has a migraine coming on. He shouldn't even be awake this early on a Saturday - he blames his roommates.
Speaking of which, they are all currently running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Sirius has been looking for his wand, which he has apparently misplaced since last night. Meanwhile, James is chasing Peter around the room, who is in his rat form, because they're testing out some spell they found whilst doing Animagus research in the library the other day.
Frank is the only one of them that has already gone down to breakfast because he's heading off to Hogsmeade for the day with Alice, which means he's the only one who isn't contributing to Remus' headache and bad mood.
Right as Remus is about to tell them all to shut the fuck up, the door opens and Sirius' eyes widen as he spots Marlene in the doorway.
There's a split second when Remus hopes and prays to any god that may be out there that Peter has noticed her and hidden himself, since he's currently in his illegal Animagus state. However, when Marlene screams and then yells out the word, "Rat !" whilst pointing down at something scurrying past her feet, Remus realises they've been caught.
Ah, well, they had a good run. What was it? Two years before they were caught?
Not too shabby for four (if you include Lily) teen Animagi.
Marlene pulls out her wand and points it at Peter, her eyes wide and full of disgust. James shouts out a, "No !" before slamming directly into her and knocking them both to the floor. Marlene's spell bounces off Frank's bedpost and then rushes towards Sirius, who ducks just in time. It hits the wall behind where his head was only half a second before.
God, it's far too early for this.
Withholding a groan, Remus gets out of bed just in time for Marlene to push James off her. She grumbles as she gets back on her feet.
"What on earth was that for, Potter?" She huffs. "Don't you know, you have a rat?"
"It's- it's not-" James lets out a small whine, like he has no idea what to say in response, and Remus can't really blame him. He doesn't exactly know what to say either. They both glance at Sirius and then Remus' eyes jump to Sirius' trunk, where Peter is hiding behind it, still a rat.
"Alright, McKinnon," Sirius says, stepping forwards. "If we tell you something, you have got to promise that you won't tell anyone. Not a soul, not even Mary."
"Sirius," James hisses, eyes widening. "We can't. It's supposed to be our secret."
"Yeah but it's Marlene," Sirius emphasises this by pointing at her. "Besides, it's either we tell her the truth or let her think we have a rodent problem."
"What is the truth?" Marlene questions, eyeing the three boys suspiciously.
Sirius gives James a look, who relents after about three seconds, sighing and nodding. Grinning, Sirius turns back to Marlene.
"Alright, promise not to tell anyone?"
"I promise," Marlene replies, sounding impatient.
"Okay, here goes," Sirius swallows. "That rat... was Peter."
Marlene frowns. "What?"
"We're Animagi," Sirius says quietly, almost like he's afraid McGonagall is going to overhear him if he speaks any louder.
Marlene stares at him, her gaze hard as she crosses her arms. "Prove it."
"Pete," Sirius calls and rat Peter comes scurrying out from behind Sirius' trunk. Marlene grimaces down at him and then jumps back in shock when the rat turns into her friend. "See?"
"Holy Godric," Marlene gasps. "You weren't lying."
"Nope," Peter says shyly. "Sorry for scaring you."
"Sorry for thinking you were some manky, old sewer rat," Marlene shrugs.
"...Thanks," Peter responds, clearly not sure what to say to that.
"So, what are your guys' Animagus forms?" Marlene asks them, and Remus notices her send him look. Great, so she thinks he's one, too. This is going to be a fun conversation.
"Together, Prongs?" Sirius turns to James and the two of them grin at each other.
"Three... two... one..." James counts.
A regal stag and a scruffy dog appear where James and Sirius were just standing. Prongs' antlers scratch the ceiling; Prongs is double the height of Remus, antlers included. Padfoot isn't very small either, he's large for a regular dog, almost the size Sirius is when he's a human - which is short for a guy. It's sort of ironic.
"I feel like I should be more surprised than I am, but, instead, I can't help but think that your animal forms are rather fitting," Marlene smiles. She steps forward and reaches out to stroke Padfoot's furry head. He smiles up at her, his tongue flopping out of the side of his mouth goofily. "Especially yours."
"I guess you're finally in on the whole nickname joke then," Remus says, chuckling. Marlene turns to look at him, confusion clear on her face. "Prongs... Padfoot... Wormtail," he lists as he points at each of them.
"Oh, right," Marlene nods. "So, what's yours then, Moony?"
"I don't have an Animagus form," Remus admits. He isn't sure if he should tell Marlene he is a werewolf - she grew up in the Wizarding World and was probably brought up with all of the prejudices, including the ones about werewolves. He wouldn't even be surprised if she reacted badly to it, especially with all of the werewolf attacks that have been mentioned in the paper recently.
"How come?" Marlene tilts her head. "Did you not attend the posse meeting that day or something?"
"Actually, I had no idea they were doing it until they'd already done it," Remus tells her.
"So, they just left you out?" She frowns again, like the idea of the four of them not doing something all together is just... wrong. And Remus supposes that, in a way, it is. The four of them have been inseparable since they were eleven - they do everything together.
"We didn't leave him out," Sirius snorts as he shifts back into his human form, shortly followed by James.
"Then, why isn't Remus an animal, too?"
There's an awkward silence as the four boys all share a look. Do they tell her or don't they? Can they trust her? Sure, it's Marlene, but this isn't like trusting her with their sexualities. This is different.
Ironically, Remus' mind wanders back to something he said back when Peter came out to them. Acceptance is the bare minimum. He had intended it to mean that, if someone is his friend then they will accept him for who he is, and if they don't then they aren't his true friend. He supposes that could apply here, too. Sure, Remus is a man-eating beast, but technically he's never actually killed anyone before.
He lets out a slow breath and turns to face Marlene properly.
"Okay, I'm going to tell you something Marlene, but please don't freak out. Just know that I've always been this way, for as long as you've known me, and I understand that it's a hard thing to wrap your head around, but just know that I've never... hurt anyone." He thinks about the few times he's scratched one of the others during the full moon and knows that, yes, he has hurt them. But he also doesn't want to scare her by saying, I've never killed anyone. That would just make him sound insane, so he goes with, I've never hurt anyone instead.
"Remus, what the hell are you going on about?"
"Lily knows, too, about my secret, and so do Alice and Frank," Remus explains, wanting to be as truthful as possible. He takes another deep breath. "I'm a werewolf."
Remus doesn't miss the way Marlene flinches, even though she does try to cover it. The thing is, he really does understand the people who don't accept him for this, because it's not their fault. They grew up with these prejudices ingrained into them. Is it right? Who's to say? But Remus isn't going to go around despising everyone who doesn't trust him, not whilst he is classified as an XXXXX creature. He gets it, he really does.
Even if it does hurt when it's people he cares about who react in a way he wishes they wouldn't.
Marlene takes a step back, her eyes widening a fraction. She tightens her hand around her wand, but she doesn't raise it, so Remus doesn't take it to mean she's thinking about using it. She's probably just gripping onto it out of anxiety.
"You can't be," she shakes her head. "No, you're lying."
"I'm not, Marls," Remus admits tiredly. He gives her an honest smile. "I get it if you don't trust me, but, like I said, I've never hurt anyone before. I wouldn't, not ever. You don't have to accept it, but it would suck to lose you as a friend because you're great."
Marlene blinks once and then twice before shaking her head and finally looking away from him. She stares at the floor for a moment and then turns around.
"I- I have to go," she mumbles before opening the door and running down the stairs.
Sirius steps forward like he's going to follow her, but then he stops in the doorway. Remus watches as his jaw clenches, an expression flits across his face that Remus can't quite read. Sirius closes the door and turns around to face the room.
"Well, that went..." James starts.
"Shit," Peter offers.
"I can't believe she reacted like that," Sirius practically growls. "You've always been a lovely friend to her and there's nothing the matter with you. You're one of the sweetest- What is her problem?"
"Sirius, don't worry about it, it's fine," Remus tries to reassure him. "She grew up getting taught that werewolves are bad, and with all of the stuff in the Prophet recently, I can't really blame her for reacting like that. I'm surprised she didn't start cursing me, to be honest."
"That's not funny," Sirius shakes his head.
"Not to sound like a dick, but I sort of understand her point of view," Peter says, raising his hand like he's in class and needs permission to talk. Sirius sends him a heated glare. "Obviously, I love Remus and I know he wouldn't hurt a fly - of course, there's nothing wrong with him. But, I remember when I first figured it out, I mentally battled with myself about it for weeks and weeks. Not because I personally thought there was something wrong with you, Rem, but because society would say there is, and that's just what I was raised around. It's hard getting those discriminations out of your head, especially when you don't believe they're wrong."
"If we can accept it, then she should be able to as well," Sirius crosses his arms. "There isn't even anything to accept in the first place."
"Sirius, you don't get it because you didn't grow up in the Wizarding World. You had the advantage of having an unbiased and uninfluenced viewpoint on the situation," Peter explains, his voice oddly calm. "All I'm saying is, it might take some time, but Marlene adores you, Remus. She'll come around."
He sounds so sure that Remus can't help but be convinced that he's right.
Later that evening, they meet up in the shrieking shack. The moon is still a little ways off, so the five of them sit down on the dusty floor. Lily brings up Marlene; apparently, the two of them aren't talking at the moment.
They swiftly move on from that topic though when Sirius starts grumbling like an angry cartoon character.
Lily tells them all about this letter she received from her mum, which was almost full to the brim of complaints about how she hated having to send a letter with a "wild bird" that apparently left "droppings" on her windowsill. She then went on to tell Lily that she didn't need to come home for Easter, as they had zero plans for the two weeks off.
"I took that as her telling me she didn't want me around," Lily admits with a shrug, looking like she couldn't care less. "I'm used to it by now, but she's never outright told me not to come home before, so it was a bit weird."
"Hey, bright side," Sirius says, "you can stay at Hogwarts with us for the moon. Don't worry, Lils, we'll have loads of fun." He knocks his shoulder into hers and Lily gives him a small smile.
"You guys should change, I think it's time," Remus announces as he feels his spine start to tug upwards, growing in an arch and splitting out of his skin. He scrunches his eyes shut and grits his teeth as he lets out a low growl of pain. He lays his palms flat against the floor as his back arches and he releases a scream that sounds far too close to a howl.
When he squints his eyes open, he finds Padfoot in front of him. He knows not to get too close during the transition, but he always remains nearby. Remus used to tell them all that he hated them watching, but after discovering that it made the process worse for Sirius to stay away, he decided that he didn't mind so much. He trusts them all now to see it all and not judge, especially Sirius, who has seen all of him by now.
Just as he has almost every other time over the last couple of years, Remus manages to remain in the backseat of Moony's mind. He wonders if it's ever like this for the wolf during the day of the full moons - if he's in the backseat, watching Remus' life pass by. Maybe he's seen him with Sirius and that's why he instantly trots over to him and licks his nose.
Padfoot twirls excitedly, his tail wagging behind him, and then he jumps at him, teeth bared playfully. Moony gets excited - he loves to play - and hops on top of Padfoot. He plays rough, but never enough to actually hurt his friends.
Not too long after the transition, Prongs opens the door to the shack, and the rat, lioness, stag, dog and wolf prance off into the night.
Sunday - 6th March, 1977
The next morning, Remus wakes up in the bed of the shack. Sirius is by his side, his arms around him and his head snuggled into Remus' shoulder. When he notices Remus waking up, he presses closer to him.
"Sirius, don't," Remus mumbles, trying to gently push him away but Sirius won't budge. "I'm all sweaty and gross and... wolfy."
"I like it when you're wolfy," Sirius grins, moving in even closer as if to prove his point. He kisses Remus' shoulder and works his way up his neck. It isn't in a sexual way, just a way for him to express his love. When Remus tilts his head to look at him properly, Sirius stops and kisses the tip of his nose and then his lips.
"You're gross for kissing me when I'm gross," Remus grumbles.
"You're not gross," Sirius tuts. "And even if you were, I love you however you are."
Remus feels as warmth bleeds into his chest. He doesn't know what he did in a past life to deserve the love that Sirius offers up to him every day, but he isn't going to take it for granted. He meant what he said on Valentine's Day, even if it was a bit sappy - he only ever wants to love Sirius, no one else. He's it for him.
"I love you, too," Remus whispers, kissing Sirius' forehead.
Remus only has to stay in the hospital wing until that evening. It's been a while since he's had to stay in the infirmary over night, and he's grateful for it. He used to hate having to miss lessons and not getting to sleep in his comfortable bed in the Gryffindor dorms. Now, he knows that if he did have to stay over night, he would miss getting to sleep with Sirius by his side.
Sirius, James, Peter and Lily come to have dinner with him in the infirmary, with Poppy's permission, of course. Then, once their plates are cleared and Poppy has given him one final check over, he gets released.
Lily and James say they are going to head off towards the library for a couple of hours, and Peter says he may as well join them since he hasn't finished the Herbology essay they have due tomorrow. As much as Peter loves the subject, he prefers napping after classes much more than completing his homework. He always ends up writing essays at the last minute or handing them in late. It's the only reason he has the most detentions out of all of them.
"Guess it's just us then," Sirius smiles up at him, the skin around his eyes crinkling in that cute way it always does.
"Mhm, I can't wait to go to bed," Remus chuckles, curling his arm around Sirius' torso. There aren't many people about, but even if there were, this wouldn't be unusual for them. It's widely known that their friendship group is very touchy. Remus could probably kiss Sirius on the cheek in public and no one would think anything of it.
"I got the house-elves to send up an extra sandwich to the dorm because I know you're probably already hungry again," Sirius laughs.
"God, I love you."
When they reach Gryffindor Tower, Sirius slings an arm over Remus' shoulders, helping him through the portrait hole. His knees are still stiff from the night before and they pop as he walks. Sirius helps to hold him up, even though he doesn't really need any assistance. He only accepts it because it means getting to touch Sirius, which is always a win.
They start hobbling through the common room, Remus yawning because he really is exhausted. He turns, wondering if Frank is up in the dormitory yet. He discovers him sitting by the fire with Alice and Azalia. Then, his eyes wander to the couch, where he finds Mary and Marlene. Mary is reading, not paying attention to anything going on around her, but Marlene is watching him.
Her eyes wander down to Remus' legs, watching him limp, and then trail back up to his face, which he knows is pale and clammy. It always is. He looks just as shitty as he feels after a moon, every bloody month.
Marlene looks away swiftly, pretending she didn't see him at all.
When they get up to the dormitory, Remus picks his Ombud necklace up from his bedside table and puts it back on. He never risks taking it to the shack, in case it gets broken or lost. He feels incomplete without it hanging from his neck, so used to wearing it by now; it's nearly been five years.
They clean their teeth and tuck themselves into Remus' bed. It's far too small for two people, especially two fully grown (at least, in Remus' case) teenage boys, but they somehow make it work.
Thursday - 10th March, 1977
Remus turns seventeen and he's still recovering from the moon from a few days before. He turns seventeen and he can't fathom how six years has already passed since he received his Hogwarts letter. He turns seventeen and Marlene still isn't talking to him.
At breakfast, all of their friends surround him, showering him with a billion Happy Birthdays. Sirius insists on pouring his juice for him and James forces Remus to let him put his pancakes on a plate, even though the pancakes are closer to Remus and James ends up having to lean across him just to reach them. Peter, wanting to contribute, dabs Remus' mouth with a napkin when he has a singular crumb on his lip.
They're all stupid, and yet, Remus can't help but laugh.
When Violetta watches the three boys baby him, she makes a comment about missing the Slytherins, which has Remus and James laughing, whilst Sirius and Peter jokingly grimace.
Remus' meal is interrupted when an owl drops a letter on top of his plate. He picks up the envelope and frowns as he recognises the handwriting, but not because it was written by his parents or his friends in Wales, but because he remembers obsessing over a letter that had this very writing on six years ago.
He briefly wonders why Dumbledore would send him a letter and then, ridiculously, thinks that it could be to wish him Happy Birthday. Sirius never received a letter from Dumbledore, though, so that can't be it. Besides, the thought is too silly for Remus to truly entertain it.
Dear Remus J. Lupin,
Please may you come by my office at some point today. There is an important matter that we must discuss now you have turned seventeen and are of age.
Happy Birthday, Mister Lupin. May your day be full of laughs and hopefully lots of sweets!
Headmaster A. Dumbledore
P.S. My favourite sweets are Fizzing Whizbees!
"What is it?" Sirius asks as he looks over his shoulder. He bites into a buttered piece of toast. "What does Dumbledore want with you?"
"No idea," Remus shrugs, but that isn't exactly true. He has an idea, he just hopes he's wrong. "I have a free period first thing, so I'll head off right away, I guess."
"Alright, let me know what he says, yeah?" Sirius says.
"Yeah," Remus smiles, wanting to kiss him and wishing more than anything that everyone in the Great Hall just disappeared for a minute so he could. Instead, he knocks their shoulders together before getting up from his seat and leaving the hall. He double checks that Dumbledore isn't sitting at the teacher's table first, but he isn't. He had been earlier, but he must have already returned to his office.
It takes him a bit of time to locate Dumbledore's office. It's been a while since he's had to go there, and, for a moment, he can't remember if it's on the fifth or sixth floor. He ends up going with the sixth because he remembers the stairway leads up into a tower. When he comes across the Griffin statue, he knows he's in the right place.
"Fizzing Whizbees," he declares and the Griffin spins out of the way, revealing a winding staircase. Remus starts climbing the steps and winces at the way his knees click every few steps.
Once he arrives outside of Dumbledore's office, he lifts his fist and knocks a couple of times. Right as he drops his hand, the door swings open, revealing Dumbledore sitting behind his desk across the room. His Phoenix is perched on it's dowel not far from the headmaster's desk.
"Ah, Mister Lupin, come in, come in," Dumbledore says, waving him into the room. Remus does and the moment he's inside, the door closes behind him. He wanders across the room and takes a seat opposite Dumbledore, who smiles at him. "Beautiful morning, isn't it? I think spring is finally on the way."
"Uh, yeah," Remus nods, not sure what he's supposed to say. Did Dumbledore invite him up to his office to talk about the weather? "Sorry, I got your letter and I have a free period now, so I figured I would come straight up."
"Of course," the headmaster hums. "As you know, in the Wizarding World, turning seventeen means you qualify as a legal adult. Due to this and considering your... condition, you are required to sign your name on the werewolf registration. If you do not, then you will be going against the Werewolf Registration Act Legislation that was put in place in 1965 by Lyall Lupin."
Remus swallows uncomfortably. He had almost forgotten about the Act that his father enforced back when Remus was only four. It's the reason why Greyback went out looking for revenge, and the reason why Remus is now a werewolf. Sometimes he forgets that his father used to despise werewolves, he still does, Remus thinks. He just... doesn't despise him.
He shifts in his chair, unsure of how to continue. He doesn't know what he had been expecting when Dumbledore summoned him up to his office today, but it wasn't this.
"However," Dumbledore continues for him. Remus glances up at the man, a confused furrow to his brow. "As you and I know, there is only a limited number of people who are actively aware of your lycanthropy. Therefore, I am not going to force you to sign your name up."
Remus can't believe what he's hearing. Not only is Dumbledore saying that if Remus didn't sign his name up on the registry, he wouldn't tell anyone, but he's almost hinting that he shouldn't at all.
"Sir?" Remus questions because he has no idea what to say to that.
Dumbledore stands slowly from his chair. He walks around his desk and sits down on top of it, right in front of Remus. He runs a hand down his beard, his eyes twinkling.
"The registry was put in place to diminish the idea that werewolves are just as every other human is. It's supposed to help employers and every other member of society distinguish between werewolves and others. As I hope you would have already guessed, I am not one to discriminate against someone based on who or what they are," Dumbledore explains. "You have never harmed anyone, Remus, and I have noticed over the years that, while you are one for getting into mischief, you are rarely ever in trouble. You are not a killer, so why bother putting your name on the registry? It will only trap you and limit your future job prospects. Why limit yourself?"
"Wouldn't it be illegal and, well, immoral not to though, sir?" Remus asks, cocking his head slightly.
Dumbledore thinks about his questions for a moment before speaking again. "Yes to the illegal part, but no to the immoral part. What is immoral is having the Act in place to begin with. We are living through some rather rough times and I think the most important thing is knowing we can trust each other. This, for example, is me... extending a helping hand, showing you can trust me to keep your secret. I assume you're planning to lend a hand in the war effort?"
Remus blinks at the sudden shift in the conversation. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." That was a lie, Remus has thought about it, a lot. It's sort of impossible not to when the war is closing in on them from all sides, being broadcasted in the news every day, and affecting the families of those around them. "I suppose..."
Dumbledore smiles. "Delightful," he claps his hands together and stands up from his desk, gesturing for Remus to do the same. He's taller than Dumbledore now, only by a few inches, not enough to make him feel any superiority over the man. "You're a noble man, Remus Lupin, not a monster."
"Thank you, sir," Remus nods. Something about the way Dumbledore says those words though rub him the wrong way. You're a noble man, Remus Lupin, not a monster. He hasn't thought of himself as a monster for a long time, so it's vaguely hurtful hearing someone use the word so easily around him, even if it isn't being used against him.
"Alright, I will let you get back to your celebrations now," Dumbledore says, grinning and patting Remus on the shoulder. "Have a good birthday."
Remus nods, having lost his voice as his thoughts begin to swirl around like a tornado in his head. He leaves the office and practically runs down the stairs, ignoring the way his joints protest the movement.
He wanders the halls until his next lesson, his mind going over and over the conversation he had with Dumbledore. There was something off about it, but Remus can't quite put his finger on it. The only conclusion he comes to as he sits down in his seat for Arithmancy is that even though Dumbledore was going on about trusting each other during these tough times, Remus isn't entirely sure if he trusts the man. He has no reason not to, especially with how Dumbledore has helped to cover up his secret for years, but there was just something not right with that interaction. When Remus thinks about it, he feels itchy. He doesn't want to have to rely on Dumbledore to keep his secret, then he would feel in his debt.
In the end, it all boils down to one thing.
For some reason, one that even Remus can't quite pinpoint, he doesn't trust Dumbledore.
***
Thursday - 10th March, 1977
Marlene
Marlene has never been very good at making friends. When she was growing up, she had her brothers and the Prewetts, who were basically like family, too. She didn't have any friends her own age and she grew up surrounded by boys, so she always found it hard to get along with girls.
When she went to Hogwarts, she was worried she wouldn't like her dormmates because they would all be girls. She remembers her first impressions of each of them. Alice was her favourite - she was quiet and seemed nice enough; she smiled when Marlene caught her eye. Azalia was a mystery, going from timid and shy whenever one of the boys spoke to them, to excitable and cheery when Alice engaged them in conversation. Lily appeared to be nice, too, but she spoke far too much for Marlene's liking (which she knows is completely hypocritical, since she never stops speaking herself).
She disliked Mary the most. Mary reminded her of those mean popular girls from the few Muggle movies she'd seen whenever she managed to sneak away with Darius to the cinema a few roads away from their house. Mary was the most beautiful girl Marlene had ever seen and, she wouldn't realise it until years later, but Mary had been her first ever girl crush.
It wasn't until their first night spent in the dormitory that Marlene realised she had completely misjudged Mary.
Marlene had been in the bathroom, plaiting her ridiculously long hair, only to realise she had forgotten to bring a hairband with her. When she turned to go back into the bedroom, Mary approached her and passed her two matching red scrunchies.
"I noticed you forgot to bring hairbands with you," she had said, a smile brightening up her already gorgeous face. "Sorry, it took me a second to find these. I thought red would suit you the most. Your hair is such a pretty colour, is it natural?" She reached out to touch it, causing Marlene to frown.
"Uh... yeah," Marlene responded. "Thanks." She took the scrunchies from Mary's other hand and tied off her plait with one of them.
"No problem," Mary grinned at her. "I'm Mary Macdonald, by the way."
"I'm Marlene... McKinnon," she added.
"Hey! We have the same initials," she laughed. "Is it just me, or are you very nervous about tomorrow's lessons? I didn't even know magic existed until my birthday back in April! I have no idea what I'm doing. Are you a Muggleborn, too?"
"No, both of my parents are magical."
"Oh, well that's great! Now, I have a friend who knows all of the answers to the questions I have," Mary had stepped forward and looped her arm through Marlene's, dragging her off towards her bed. "I can help you with your other plait if you want to give your hands a break."
And the thing was, Marlene had wanted to give her hands a break. Her hair was so long back then that it always made the muscles in her hands ache when she plaited it. She hated it so much.
"Okay," she had stuttered out.
And that was how she made her first ever friend. Mary Macdonald, the complete antithesis of Marlene, and her other half. She can't imagine her life without her now.
Marlene got closer to the others throughout the years. She found it easy to get along with Alice and Azalia, who both seemed just as timid about the prospect of getting to know new people as she was. Lily was a bit harder to relate to, as she was a Muggleborn, too eager to take part in lessons (where Marlene was a bit lazy with her focus in class), and was just as much an oddity to Marlene as Mary had been.
She and Lily didn't really click until third year when Marlene caught her crying over a letter that her sister Petunia had sent her. Marlene, not the best at comforting people, had frozen in the doorway of their dormitory, ready to make a run for it, when Lily spotted her. She tried to hide her tears, but it was obvious to both of them that Marlene had already seen them. So, she crossed the room, sat carefully on the mattress beside Lily, and listened to her complain about her sister. As it turned out, that's all Marlene really needed to do. Listen.
From then on, she had another friend.
Marlene had avoided the boys for most of first year, not under the impression that forming a friendship with them really mattered because they didn't share a room. Then, Sirius had cut a chunk of his precious hair off for her and the rest was history.
Frank and Peter were easy to talk to, as they were just as interested in Quidditch as Marlene, and they were equally shy and kind, just like Alice and Azalia. James had sort of scared Marlene for the first couple of years at school because he was so... sure of himself. He had been a bit quiet at the beginning of first year, but he quickly grew out of that, so Marlene assumed he was just a bit anxious about the whole starting a new school thing. It wasn't until they were on the same Quidditch team that Marlene and James really became friends and now she couldn't be happier about it. James reminds her of her brothers - especially Darius - and that always helps her feel a little less homesick when she's missing her family.
Then, there was Remus.
Marlene was absolutely terrified of him for the first three years at Hogwarts, not that she let that show. He was taller than everyone in their year and loomed over her whenever they were standing near each other. He was also covered in scars, which made Marlene wonder how many fights he had been in. At first glance, he seemed dangerous, and that was how she thought of him, until fourth year.
She had been on her way to the Great Hall on one of the Saturdays when everyone was in Hogsmeade. She wasn't too bothered about the village after having visited it for the last couple of years. So, instead, she stayed behind to catch up on the Charms homework she hadn't yet completed. Once she was done with that, she decided she would go and fetch some lunch.
That's how she found Remus, half passed out against a wall, his face scrunched up in pain, a sweat broken out across his forehead. Marlene knew about his seizures, but she never asked him about them. Not only because she was frightened of him, but because it didn't seem like the sort of thing he would want to talk about. Still, she knew they could get really bad sometimes, but usually Sirius or James or someone would be around to help.
Marlene had never had to deal with them herself before, so she didn't know what to do.
She knew she couldn't leave Remus to fend for himself, so she quickly moved over to him, abandoning her journey to get some food. He looked surprised to see her and even more shocked when she lifted one of his arms and let it rest over her shoulders as she wrapped her left arm around his waist, hoping to steady him.
"Come on, let's get you to Madam Pomfrey," she'd said, her voice coming out softer than she expected it to.
"Thank you," Remus said, sounding so bloody sincere that it made her heart ache. She wondered how long he had been just standing there, trying to recapture his balance.
After that, she wasn't so scared of him, not anymore. He was just a boy, someone who clearly went through a lot on the daily and had done in the past if his scars were anything to go by. Remus wasn't one to get into fights at Hogwarts, that was more Sirius and Peter's thing, so perhaps Remus' scars weren't caused by any brutal fights. Perhaps, he had received them in some other way.
Either way, it was none of Marlene's business, and she shouldn't have been judging him for it in the first place.
After that, it was easy to befriend Remus Lupin. Because, again, he was just a boy. A kind, sweet boy who never asked to be judged.
When Marlene found out Remus was a werewolf, the first thing she did was run to her dormitory. She instantly rushed into the bathroom, ignoring Mary's worried voice as she asked her what was wrong. It must have been written out on her face, the panic. She slammed the door shut and locked it, then she dropped to the floor behind it and had a panic attack.
How could she have gotten it so wrong? How could she not have noticed?
This whole time, Remus had been a werewolf.
Just know that I've always been this way, for as long as you've known me.
How could that even be possible? Surely, she would have figured it out?
Marlene panicked over two things. One: she realised she didn't know any of her friends as well as she thought she did. They all (except for Azalia and Mary) knew Remus was a werewolf and never thought to tell her. They kept it to themselves for ages. Two: she didn't know what to think, how to feel or react. She felt disgust dig itself into her bones, built from the things the Wizarding World has taught her about werewolves. Things that she's learnt from the recent events mentioned in the daily news.
Werewolves were dangerous.
And yet... Remus Lupin was one of the gentlest people she had ever met.
He wasn't just a boy, no, but she didn't think he was a monster either. He wasn't dangerous, not as far as she was aware, but he was still a werewolf.
Marlene has played her thoughts from the last few days over and over again in her head. Remus hasn't tried to approach her since he told her what he is, nor has he tried to give her any excuses. Sirius hasn't spoken to her, she actually thinks he's angry at her for the first time ever. James doesn't seem much happier either.
She thinks the boys must have told Lily because she hasn't given Marlene the time of day since the confession either.
She feels like complete shit.
The thing is, Marlene grew up being told over and over again that werewolves are bad news and can't be trusted. It's so ingrained into her mind that it's hard to just drop her beliefs and take up new ones, even if a part of her wants to. So, over the last few days, she's been thinking. Hard. She knows Remus probably didn't choose to become a werewolf - anyone with eyes can see the way it's draining him - which would mean, in a way, he's a victim, right? Because a werewolf has to attack you, to bite you, for you to become a werewolf. So, Remus was attacked. He was violated and now he has to deal with this curse for the rest of his life.
But then, if she's going to excuse this for Remus, shouldn't she at least consider the idea that not all werewolves are terrible and evil? There are probably some others out there that have gone through the same horrors as Remus and are just as kind and human as he is.
Just because there are some on You-Know-Who's side, that doesn't mean they all are. There are Pureblood Wizards and Witches on You-Know-Who's side, but that doesn't mean that all Purebloods are. Marlene hating all werewolves for joining the dark side of the war would be like if Muggleborns started hating all Purebloods for the same thing. Like if Mary hated Marlene for her blood, or, like it is in reality with some Purebloods and Muggleborns, if Marlene hated Mary for hers.
It's just another form of discrimination.
And Marlene panics over that realisation because how the fuck did she not come to it before now? She's almost an adult, and it's taken her this long to realise that the way werewolves have been treated by the Wizarding World - by her- for centuries is so very wrong.
She's ashamed honestly, and now she doesn't know how she's supposed to look Remus in the eye and admit how wrong she was.
It's his birthday today, he's finally seventeen. Marlene has done some research on werewolves over the last couple of days, so she knows that Remus will now be expected to sign his name up on a registry that will forever isolate him from the rest of Wizarding society.
She can't help but find that completely unfair.
You don't have to accept it, but it would suck to lose you as a friend because you're great.
She misses her friend.
Putting her shame aside, and gathering all of the Gryffindor courage inside of her, Marlene decides she's going to finally talk to Remus. She doesn't want to lose him as a friend.
She doesn't talk to him at breakfast because he deserves to enjoy his birthday without Marlene spoiling it with her drama. Somehow, they don't share a lesson together until their final period, which is Defence Against the Dark Arts. Remus sits next to Sirius, who hasn't let Marlene get within breathing distance of his boyfriend all week, and she can't even blame him really.
When Professor Vanity instructs them to get into pairs to practice a few of the spells they have been working on, Marlene channels her inner Godric Gryffindor and marches right over to Remus with her head held high. She is terrified that he isn't going to want to be her friend anymore, but she tries to act brave as she approaches him.
Remus looks slightly surprised to see her and Sirius just looks annoyed, like her mere presence is pissing him off. It hurts, even though she knows she deserves it. She will have to apologise to him, too, once this is all over.
She realised something about that day when Sirius, James and Peter told her they were Animagi (which, by the way, is completely fucking insane; of course, the "marauders" of all people were able to do that by the time they were fourth years). Sirius' animal form is a black dog - just like the Grim. She had thought back to all of those years ago when Sybill told her she would see the Grim when she's sixteen. She was right.
"Hello," she says and then mentally berates herself for that lame start.
"Hey, Marls," Remus smiles at her, as if she didn't literally run away from him a few days ago.
"What do you want?" Sirius asks, crossing his arms.
"To apologise," Marlene starts, looking up at Remus. "I'm sorry that I reacted that way, and I'm sorry about how naïve I was before. I could give you a list of excuses for why, but you don't deserve that. There is no bloody excuse. I was being ignorant and I completely disregarded our friendship, which is really important to me actually. I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore, but I wanted to say I'm sorry anyway because you deserve that. Also, I've been doing some research because I think I should educate myself properly on the subject, rather than listening to the bullshit that people have been telling me my whole life. Basically, I'm just really sorry, Remus."
She clamps her mouth shut, realising then that she has just rambled at him. It's probably more than she's said all at once to him, well, ever.
Remus stares at her for a few seconds and Marlene wonders if he's about to tell her to piss off, but then, a slow smile spreads up his face.
"It's okay, Marlene, I understand," he shrugs, simple as that. "Believe it or not, I used to feel the same way. But then, some very close friends showed me that it's okay, that it isn't my fault. So, trust me, I get it. I forgive you."
Marlene releases a sigh of relief. She turns her eyes on Sirius, who still looks grumpy. She almost lets out a laugh, but knows it won't be received well, not right now, so she holds it in.
"Sirius, I owe you an apology, too," she says, stepping towards him. "I was annoyed initially that you didn't tell me, but I understand why. My reaction wasn't acceptable, and I fear how much worse it would have been if you'd have told me when we were younger. I'm sorry that I stopped trusting you for a minute there. If anything, this has just further proved to me how loyal of a friend you are."
"Boyfriend, but sure," Sirius mutters. He keeps narrowing his eyes at Marlene for a moment more before he softens, rolling his eyes and dropping his arms. "Fine, I forgive you.
"Thank you," Marlene sighs. "Alright, I guess we should get to work then. I want you to be my partner, Remus, come on."
She grabs his elbow and starts pulling him away. Sirius complains from behind them, but Remus dutifully follows Marlene, snorting as Sirius starts throwing a tantrum about how Marlene is stealing his partner away.
In the end, he has to work with Snape, and he looks miserable about it the entire time. Marlene and Remus just laugh at him, and Marlene thinks she feels closer to him than she ever did before.
***
Wednesday - 23rd March, 1977
James
It's been over a month now since Regulus' Quidditch injury and James still isn't over it. They never did get to the bottom of who it was and Regulus didn't tell him if he suspected anyone, so James ended up dropping it. He has been clinging to Regulus like a barnacle on the side of a ship for the last four weeks, afraid that if he takes his eyes off him or even dares to blink that he'll see him plummeting from the sky again.
It took a while for Regulus' injury to properly heal, since it had to mostly heal the Muggle way, as head injuries are tricky. His migraines have finally stopped as of this week and he no longer has to sleep with his head at a certain angle on his pillow. He had started asking James to sleep with him in the Room of Requirement, so he could use his chest as a pillow since it was at the "perfect angle".
James wasn't complaining. Not at all.
After the fight they had at the beginning of the term, James has been very careful not to mention the war or anything to do with the future, even though he is desperate to. He doesn't want to trigger Regulus again. A part of him wonders if Regulus would react in the same way - he did promise that he would never ignore James for two weeks again, not like he did last time.
When he did, it had absolutely crushed James. He was sad and drowning in panic, but, mostly, he was angry. Really fucking angry, and he didn't like that it was directed at Regulus. It scared him, and still does. He doesn't ever want to feel that fury about Regulus ever again; he's promised himself he never will.
They meet up tonight and it goes just how most other nights do. They talk about anything and everything, laughing at things their friends did during the day and just taking comfort in each other's presence. Afterwards, their snogging session turns into something much more heated and soon they're left bare beneath the sheets.
Regulus presses himself as close to James as he can, making it so as much skin as possible is touching. They're both warm and slick with sweat, but James doesn't find it gross or uncomfortable. Instead, he breathes in the familiar scent that is inherently Regulus and wraps an arm around his hips, pulling him impossibly closer. Then, with his other hand, he cups the back of Regulus' neck and starts stroking slow circles to his skin using his thumb.
Distracted by their proximity and the intoxicating scent of Regulus, James doesn't think before wording the thought swirling around inside his head.
"I wish we could run away together after Hogwarts," he whispers, eyes shut in contentment. He doesn't even notice the way Regulus stiffens beneath his grasp. "Just us, escaping to someplace where nobody knows our names, where we're just James and Regulus."
Regulus' hand wraps around James' on his hip and he's quickly pushing it away. James' eyes open right in time to see Regulus rolling away from him. He sits up in the bed and reaches for his discarded boxers and trousers, which are balled up at the end of the bed. He puts them on and ignores it when James calls his name.
"James," Regulus says and his tone is full of nothing but resignation, like the mere idea of having this conversation again makes him feel exhausted. "Please, just don't."
"I don't get it, though," James replies, his voice quiet. He's scared that if he speaks any louder, his voice will crack. "I just want you to be safe. Don't you want to be safe, Reg?"
"James," Regulus snaps, harsher.
"What?"
"Stop it," Regulus swivels around and looks him dead in the eye. He's never looked more serious in his life. "I can't, okay? I can't just run away into the fucking sunset with you and I- I don't want to. I have a duty to fulfil here, and I'm going to. You wouldn't get it because you're not a part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, but I'm the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. That means something."
"It's never mattered to you before, so why does it now?" James argues, unable to stop himself. Regulus is- he's changing everything. He's never cared about being the heir to his name before, so why now? Why does he when it's so important for him not to?
"It's always mattered," Regulus stands from the bed and grabs his shirt. He puts it on, buttoning it up. James reaches for his own trousers and pants, not wanting to be left naked if they're about to fight. He hates that he can recognise fights now because they're familiar where they never used to be before.
"Oh, really?" James huffs as he buttons up his trousers, now standing as well. "Did it matter when you befriended me even though you were supposed to stay away from me? Did it matter when we got together? Did it matter when we fucked even though your family would literally disown you for it? Don't you get it, Reg? They don't matter. Everything that you are, everything they don't see, they would shun you for it."
"Careful, Potter. That's my family you're talking about," Regulus grits back, his teeth clenched together.
"What the fuck did they do to you over Christmas? Or summer, or whenever it was. Why have you changed? You've never cared about all of their shit before," James half-yells, feeling incredulous. "I don't understand why you don't want to talk about the future anymore. Is it- do you not... want me anymore?" He can't help it when his voice cracks.
For the first time since the fight started, Regulus pauses. His dead expression crackles to life, something desperate filling his eyes as he stares back at James.
"You know it isn't that," he mumbles. "I just, I need to survive and this is my way of doing that."
"But if you were free, you wouldn't have to survive, Reg. You could just live," James tells him. "We could be together, out in the open. Isn't that what you want?"
"Any possibility of that happening lies in the future and I refuse to talk about the future, so please, James, just drop it," Regulus practically begs him, his expression cracked open.
James doesn't understand why Regulus is so against any idea of the future. Is it because he believes they don't have one? Does he think they're doomed?
The very thought breaks James' heart, so he quickly buries it inside of him, shoves it to the back of his mind and tries to ignore it.
"I can't drop it, not right now, and I know you won't talk about it. So, instead of fighting, I'm going to leave," James decides. He picks up his shirt and shoes and holds them against his chest as he meets Regulus' eyes again. "I really fucking love you, Reg, even if... even if you don't love me. I don't care about that, I just want you to be safe, and if talking about your safety is going to trigger this reaction, then I need a minute. So, I'm gonna go and I'm going to think about everything."
"James," Regulus whispers, sounding more sad than James has ever heard him before.
James walks over to him quickly, not wanting Regulus to see him cry, and he can't hold his tears in for much longer. He wraps his hand around the back of Regulus' head and pulls him in. He kisses his forehead and when he lets him go, he swiftly turns around and heads towards the exit.
"James!" Regulus calls his name again, but James doesn't listen. He makes it to the door and pauses.
"I need some space, okay?" He says, feeling as his heart shatters a bit more in his chest with every word. He doesn't turn around because he knows that, if he does, his resolve will shatter and he'll run right back over to Regulus, and he can't do that. He deserves some time to get his thoughts in order.
James opens the door and rushes out of it without turning around once.
Regulus doesn't follow him.
Saturday - 26th March, 1977
James is beginning to realise that whenever he and Regulus are on the outs, his ability to play well during Quidditch matches is absolute shit.
Especially, when they're playing against each other.
James has given himself the last three days to sort through his thoughts and feelings and he's come to the conclusion that he would rather have Regulus now than worry about the future. He doesn't know what's going to happen one day and that's the whole point; it's the future, not the present.
He's still annoyed though because Regulus was speaking like his family were something to be admired and James knows that isn't true. He loves Regulus, he really does, but his family is terrible. Everyone in the Wizarding World (other than the bigots) know that. Regulus used to know it, too. James doesn't know what's gotten into him.
Maybe, if he shows Regulus just how much he loves him, he can change his mind on the whole duty over love matter.
James tries, he really does, to play well. He should be playing excellently because, if they don't win this game, then Gryffindor are out until next year, and he really wants to win the Quidditch Cup this year.
Unfortunately, luck just isn't on his side today. His throws are always a little bit too wide or get intercepted by the Slytherin Chasers, and he fumbles half of the passes aimed at him. Even his flying isn't as fast as it usually is, as if his broom can sense his solemn mood.
It doesn't surprise him when Xeno announces that Regulus has spotted the Snitch. He knows Regulus is going to catch it because he always bloody does. That's the moment when James' hopes of winning completely shrivel up and die.
Maybe next year, he thinks, but he doesn't actually care. He just feels numb.
Slytherin ends up winning and Gryffindor loses.
James doesn't bother waiting for his team as he heads towards the changing rooms. He probably should because he's the Captain and is expected to give some sort of speech about how they all did their best, but that would be a lie. James didn't do his best, he actually did his worst, so he doesn't bother. He goes straight for the showers instead and doesn't come out until he's sure that everyone in the changing rooms is gone.
He gets changed and leaves. He starts walking towards the castle and then realises he doesn't actually want to face anyone right now, so he changes course and heads in the direction of the Black Lake instead.
There are a few daisies scattered throughout the grass now that spring has come. They remind James of the night at the end of fourth year when he and Regulus got together. There had been loads of daisies that night. Regulus made a flower crown and James tucked a daisy behind Reg's ear, making him look sweeter than usual.
The memory just makes him feel a sad sense of longing now. He misses how they used to be and he hates that a part of him doesn't like what they are now. He loves Regulus, but he's not happy. Not at the moment.
James sits down beneath the oak tree and doesn't think about all of his memories out here. Some spent with Regulus, some with his friends, and one of pinning Snape to the tree in his fury
He doesn't notice at first when someone joins him.
"Hello, James."
James jumps and presses a hand to his chest as he looks up at the person standing beside him. Pandora smiles down at him and then drops to the floor beside him. James notices that she isn't wearing any shoes and he briefly wonders if her feet are cold.
"Hey, Pandora," he responds once he's caught his breath. "Where are your shoes?"
"Oh, I didn't bring any with me because I wanted to feel spring beneath my feet," she explains as if that was obvious. "I knew you would be out here."
"Really?" James asks and Pandora nods. "Oh, uh, how come you decided to join me then?"
"Well, I came out here to remind you of something," Pandora tells him in that entirely elusive tone she uses sometimes.
"To remind me of what?" He frowns.
"I know you and Regulus are having some trouble," Pandora says, pouting as if the woes of James and Regulus' relationship affects her, too. "And I know you feel very sad right now, but you should always remember something."
"What's that?"
"Remember how much you love him," she says decisively, like it's that simple. "Do that and everything will work out in the end."
"I don't think I could forget," James huffs out a laugh. "Loving that boy is a part of me at this point."
Pandora smiles like James' words please her. "Yes, it is."
They sit in comfortable silence for a little bit longer, until James finally decides to make his way back up to the castle. Pandora leaves with him and James realises that her presence makes him feel a bit better than he did only an hour before. She loops her arm through his and smiles up at him. He smiles back.
It's the first smile he's given anyone in days.
Sunday - 27th March, 1977
James wakes up to his magic tingling inside him. He's confused for the first few seconds after he's gained consciousness again, but then it hits him. Regulus must be pressing his sun necklace.
He misses him.
James thinks about Pandora's words from the day before and he realises that it really is as simple as she implied it was. James loves Regulus and that isn't going to stop any time soon. He wants to be with him, he can't imagine not being with him. It feels like he and Regulus have been together their whole lives; he's forgotten what his life was like before Regulus.
As he gets ready for the day, his magic continues to vibrate in his bloodstream, stirring up something inside of him that makes him want to run a marathon or scream until his throat is raw.
He doesn't hear the other boys get up, but, when they do, they ambush him in the bathroom and yell, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY," to him as loud as they can.
An hour later, they leave Gryffindor Tower and when they get to the ground floor, James doesn't head towards the Great Hall. He turns and starts walking towards the dungeons.
"James, where are you going?" Peter calls after him.
James shares a look with Sirius and Remus, one they understand well by now.
"I have something I need to do," he shouts back before turning around and running off down the corridor.
It doesn't take him very long to locate the entrance to the Slytherin common room. He throws on his cloak and only has to wait five minutes for the entrance to open. Breakfast has just started, so students are starting to make their way towards the hall.
Coincidentally, it's Evan and Barty who come out of the passage and grant him entrance. Regulus isn't with them, so James assumes that means he's still in his dormitory.
Once he's inside, he rushes over to the stairs that head towards the boys' dorms and takes them two at a time, eager to see Regulus for the first time in days. He skipped the lessons he shared with him on Thursday and Friday, knowing Regulus might try to talk to him again, and James really needed the space to think.
He's had space and he's been thinking, now he misses his boyfriend.
This is why James shouldn't think, ever.
He doesn't even hesitate to open the door to Regulus' dorm room when he reaches it. He just wraps his hand around the handle and twists it before stepping inside, discarding his cloak as he goes.
The room looks completely empty, but when James glances over at Regulus' bed, he finds him lying on his side in his bed, eyes open. His hands are wrapped around something and pressed to his chest. After a closer look, James realises he's cradling the sun charm on the necklace James gifted him last year. He can still feel it, vibrating under his skin.
Regulus must hear him as he steps forward because he starts talking.
"Barty, I said I'm fine, why can't you just-" He looks at James and pauses. "James," he breathes out, and James doesn't expect it when Regulus hops out of his bed and runs across the room, closing the space between them as he wraps his arms around James' torso. He buries his head against James' chest and nuzzles into him.
"Hello, love." James wraps his arms around him and drops his face to Regulus' hair.
"Mm," Regulus hums as he presses closer to him. "What are you doing here?"
"I missed you and something tells me you missed me, too," James says with a little snort. Regulus snuggles closer to him and James feels something inside of himself settle. "Reg?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"I've realised something... The future, it doesn't matter. What's important is that we have each other now and that's all I care about, okay? I just, I want you," James holds him tighter and Regulus lets him. He doesn't tense, he just melts into James like they're two candles being burnt into each other.
"I want you, too," Regulus whispers, tilting his head back to look up at James. They stare at each other and then naturally gravitate closer. When their lips meet, James sighs into the kiss. He deepens it quicker than he normally would, having craved everything Regulus for the last seventy-two hours he's just spent without him.
Regulus slides his hands to James' hips and then curls his fingers through James' belt loops and starts pulling him towards his bed. James cradles Regulus' face in his hands, his fingers dancing along the planes of the other boy's skin, memorising every inch of him. Kissing Regulus feels like setting himself on fire and having it be put out all at once. He feels set alight and extinguished, sizzling like newly born smoke rising in the air, but still burning, sparking to life.
When they strip down to nothing and Regulus lies back on his own bed, not just one that the Room of Requirement has conjured for them, James takes a second to admire him. He looks beautiful lying here on green silk sheets, his hair spread out around him like a fan. He must get impatient because he reaches up and clenches his hands around James' wrists, pulling him closer. James settles on top of him and completely engulfs Regulus' body with his own. He kisses him fervently and grinds his hips against the ones beneath him. When Regulus moans, James swallows it and it manifests into one of his own.
One of Regulus' hands climbs into James' hair, whilst the other starts off on his shoulder, gripping him. Slowly, it slides down over his chest, grazing his nipple, and takes it's time gliding down James' torso. Regulus drags his nails against James' navel, causing him to shudder and jolt all at once. Their lips part and James presses his head to Regulus' as the other boy's hand meets his dick.
Their eyes meet and Regulus doesn't even blink as he starts pulling James off, not even when he spits on hand and drops it back down to the space between them. He just continues to stare right into James' fucking soul as he tries to pull it out of him through his most sensitive body part.
Before James even gets close to finishing, he pulls away from Regulus and goes to kneel between his legs, but Regulus stops him.
"Can we do it the other way?" He asks, a lovely blush flooding his cheeks.
"We can do it however you want," James tells him. He crawls up the bed and lies down when Regulus sits up. They switch positions and Regulus drops between James' legs, knocking his knees apart with his hands. He grabs his wand and makes sure his fingers are slick for when they push their way inside James. Just as he always does whenever they have sex this way, James feels a pulse start in his core, pulsating in rhythm with his the pump of Regulus' fingers, only worsening as he adds more, stretching James out.
When James moans loudly, Regulus lifts a hand to cover his mouth.
"You've gotta be quiet, baby, someone might hear us," Regulus says. They have never had to worry about being quiet before. Usually, they do this in the dead of night in a secret room that's hidden from the rest of the inhabitants of the castle.
James nods and lets out a quiet whimper as Regulus hits the bundle of muscles deep inside him. Regulus pulls his fingers out of him, cleaning them with a swish of his wand, and then he crawls up James' body, pressing hot kisses to his body as he rises. He stops at James' lips and languidly kisses them.
He angles his dick with James' hole and slowly sinks into him until he's as deep as he can possibly go. James groans as quietly as he can, his hands instantly dropping to Regulus' arse, urging him to move. He does. Regulus pulls out of him before snapping his hips up with frightening precision, managing to once again hit the exact spot that sends James up the fucking walls.
"Oh, Reg, fucking hell," he moans, pushing Regulus closer as he continues to thrust quickly in and out of him. "Yeah, do that again... right- oh, Regulus, right there."
Regulus lifts one of his hands to cup James' jaw, causing his eyes to flutter open. Regulus grips his jaw possessively, an unrelenting hold. He leans closer and crushes James' lips with his own, kissing in a way that James thinks must be sinful. He claims James' mouth as his own and James lets him.
As they both start to reach their climaxes, their kisses cease and their breaths turn into desperate pants as they try not to make too much noise. James groans loudly at one point and Regulus presses his hand over his mouth again.
That's how James finishes, with his moans muffled beneath the palm of Regulus' hand, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Regulus continues to pump in and out of him, dragging out his orgasm for as long as he can, even after his own has passed. James' eyebrows furrow as pleasure overwhelms him to the point where he wonders if he's going to pass out.
When Regulus pulls out of him, he slumps down beside James on the mattress. He reaches for his wand and casts a few cleaning spells, being gentle as he moves James' legs to make sure he's properly cleaned up. They lie side-by-side afterwards, still catching their breaths. James rolls over onto his side and then fully just rolls onto Regulus. He wraps an arm over the half of his body that he isn't lying on top of and curls his right leg around Regulus'. He nuzzles his face into the crook of Regulus' neck and breathes him in, feeling entirely satisfied.
"Happy Birthday, James," Regulus whispers as he brings his hand up to run through James' curls.
"I can't believe I'm already of age," James chuckles. "We've almost known each other for six years. It's gone so fast."
"Yeah, it has," Regulus agrees. He looks down at James and their eyes meet. He kisses James' forehead softly and then rests his chin on top of James' head.
James' eyes sink shut. He thinks about falling asleep here and then decides that, yes, he is going to fall asleep right here. In Regulus' bed. In his dormitory.
That he shares with other people.
Yeah, James forgot about that bit.
He is suddenly reminded when a loud gasp comes from the other side of the room. His eyes snap open and he glances up at Regulus, whose eyes have widened. He looks at James and then slowly, like he's afraid to look, his eyes wander across the room. James' do the same and he feels his stomach sink as he finds Barty and Evan standing near the closed door.
It takes James another second to remember that he's butt-arse naked right now, and so is Regulus. The other boy must notice at the same time because he grabs his wand and closes his bedcurtains in an instant.
"Oh, Merlin," Regulus grumbles.
"Holy fucking Salazar!" Barty yells.
"It reeks of sex in here," Evan says after making a loud gagging sound.
"Fuck," James mutters, feeling utterly humiliated. He presses his face into Regulus' chest and wishes he could disappear. "This is so embarrassing."
"There's no need to be embarrassed, Potter," Evan calls through the curtains, making James blush all over again as another wave of embarrassment hits him.
"Yeah, you have got a lovely arse," Barty announces and James almost laughs. Regulus looks ready to jump through the curtains and kill his friends. "Nice birthday suit, by the way."
"If you guys don't shut up, I will smother you both in your sleep," Regulus declares loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.
"Aw, don't be jealous, Reggie," Evan coos. "You have a nice arse, too."
"Not that we saw it," Barty sniggers. "We did see something else though-"
"For fuck's sake, shut up!" Regulus groans, pressing his hand over his face.
"For a little guy, you're carrying quite the package," Barty says before cackling manically.
"I'm going to kill him," Regulus says just loud enough for James to hear.
"You might wanna put some pants on first," James says, trying to hold off his own laughter.
When Regulus glances down at him and finds the humour in James' eyes, he cracks a small smile of his own. Rolling his eyes, he summons their clothes and they get dressed.
"Ready?" Regulus asks him before opening the curtains.
"Yeah, ready," James sighs.
James regrets his decision to ever leave the safety of Regulus' bed the moment he sets eyes on Evan and Barty. They're both sprawled out on their own beds, head in their hands, feet kicking in the air behind them. Barty winks at him and Evan sends them both a little wave.
Regulus looks at his friends, blinks, then turns around and climbs back into his bed. After one more glance Barty's way (he blows James a kiss), James hurries after him.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- I know some of you probably hate Marlene at the moment and that's so valid, but I do not.. remember, she's still young and sometimes it really is hard to reconstruct your beliefs, especially when no one tells you they're wrong
- Dumbledore sucks 😒
- new pov unlocked!!
- soooo jegulus are fighting again. whoops? I have nothing to say for myself.. 😔
- Pandora and James are one of my favourite duos if you couldn't already tell hehe
- Evan and Barty were actually killing me at the end 😭 not them walking in on jegulus thoughThis was another long one, like 12k words. I blame it on the third pov. God, I've had such a busy week. I got my first tattoo, I got bangs, I dyed my hair red, and a bunch of other things happened but I forgot them already haha. I hope you've all had a great week! See ya next Tuesday :)
Chapter 83: Sixth Year: Too Much Love Will Kill You
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mentions of war
-brief mention of past seizure
-someone has a bit of a breakdown because of a teen pregnancy
-child abuse (using the cruciatus curse)
-cruciatus curse is also used on rabbits
-brief blood mention
-there's a gross comment about a girl's body/woman being sexualised
-Rabastan warning 🤢🤢
-brief mention of someone being sick
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone for much too long, oh
~ Queen
Sunday - 27th March, 1977
Sirius
The next full moon is in a week and this month it has hit Remus earlier than it usually would. Sirius thinks it's because the weather is slowly growing warmer, so Moony is probably feeling agitated, suffocated beneath Remus' skin.
Remus woke up with a migraine today but said he could deal with it long enough to have breakfast with James, since it's his birthday today. However, James ended up skipping breakfast anyway, so Sirius and Remus went right back up to the dormitory and they've been lying in bed ever since.
Remus' head is resting on Sirius' chest, he runs his hands through the other boy's hair, hoping to soothe the pain in his head as much as he can. Remus has his eyes shut, every now and then he'll let out a contented sigh whenever Sirius' hands hit a spot he likes.
"Moons," Sirius whispers, pressing a kiss to Remus' temple. Remus grumbles in response. "I'm gonna go and get a headache potion from Poppy, okay? Stay here, I'll be right back, honey."
"M'kay," Remus mumbles, relinquishing his grip on Sirius' clothes and rolling away from him. Sirius watches the way his eyes scrunch, a look of pain forming on his face, a crease between his brows that tells Sirius he's uncomfortable.
Before leaving, Sirius closes the curtains around Remus' bed and casts a spell to keep all light and sound out.
It doesn't take him very long to get to the infirmary, and Poppy is more than happy to give him a potion if it's for Remus, so he's back on his way to the dormitory in no time. He walks past the stairs that lead down to the dungeons and wonders if James and Regulus have made up yet. He hates it when they fight - it's weird. Even before Sirius knew about them, James never had any bad feelings against Regulus, none that Sirius heard about. So, watching them fight now just feels wrong.
When he looks back up to the corridor in front of him, he realises that he's about to crash into two people who are walking towards him and aren't paying attention to where they're going either. He jumps out of the way before they collide and only then does he realise it's Evan and Barty. Sirius hasn't really seen them since the day of Regulus' accident. He has never been very fond of Barty Crouch, and vice versa, so he doesn't know how to act around him now. Not after Barty helped to shield him from Walburga Black. Not after he came over to check if Sirius was okay.
They share a brief look before Barty's eyes turn cold and he looks away from him.
Nothing's changed there then, he thinks.
Sirius knows how protective Barty is over Regulus. It's why he dislikes Sirius so much, because he treated Regulus like shit for years. It makes sense that Barty wouldn't warm up to him as immediately as Pandora has. Even Dorcas and Stark seem to have accepted the news that Sirius and Regulus are brothers and get along now pretty well. Evan is still a bit of a mystery. He has never outright expressed his dislike for Sirius like Barty has, but it's obvious that he used to think of Sirius as nothing more than a nuisance.
Sirius doubts that opinion has changed much.
As Sirius climbs the stairs up to Gryffindor Tower, his mind wanders to a couple of weeks ago when Remus told him all about the meeting he had with Dumbledore. Sirius is fully convinced that Dumbledore was trying to recruit Remus to his cause, which feels a bit iffy, if you ask Sirius.
Remus had been a literal child the day before Dumbledore spoke to him, which tells Sirius that the only reason he hadn't propositioned Remus about it sooner was because he didn't want to look bad for trying to recruit a child into a war. Remus is also still a teenager, so it rubs Sirius the wrong way that Dumbledore so easily asked him to join his side. They shouldn't be thinking about the war, or what side they're planning to join, they should be focusing on their N.E.W.Ts, or on falling in love for the first time, or on the next prank they're going to pull. Hell, Peter was worried about his missing tie earlier.
Sirius wishes they lived in a world where not following uniform protocol was the most anxiety-inducing situation they could get themselves into.
But, alas, they've been dropped right into a world where they're expected to fight in a war before their brains are even fully developed.
Remus and Sirius have also been talking about the werewolf registry that Remus is expected to sign his name up on. Remus wrote to his father a few days ago to ask him what he thinks Remus should do. Lyall had responded by saying it was up to Remus, as he's an adult now. He also added that he didn't think signing his name on the registry would do very much to "protect" the rest of society, as Remus "wouldn't hurt a fly".
A part of Sirius wishes Lyall could have felt that way about all werewolves twelve years ago. If he had, then Remus wouldn't be a werewolf and he wouldn't have to suffer through these horrible migraines and seizures. He had one yesterday right before lunch and ended up having to spend a couple of hours in the infirmary.
When he makes it to Gryffindor Tower, he rushes over to the portrait of the Pink Lady and ignores the joke she tries to tell him. He bellows out the password over her nattering and ignores the way she tuts at him and calls him rude as she swings to the side, revealing the common room.
Sirius hurries through the portrait and almost makes it to the stairs that are leading towards the dormitories, but then his attention is caught. The common room is completely empty, except for the single person sitting at the edge of the couch near the fireplace. Sirius frowns when he realises he knows who it is.
"Jess?" He asks as he moves closer to the boy, stopping just beside him.
Jess, who had until then been staring off into space with a look on his face that made Sirius wonder if he'd witnessed something traumatising, slowly turns his head to look at him. He blinks a couple of times, but doesn't go to speak.
Worried that something might have happened to Anthony or Jess' parents, Sirius sits down next to him and places a hand on his shoulder.
"Jess, is everything okay?" He asks, his panic leaking into his tone.
Jess opens his mouth as if to say something, but his bottom lip just hangs there as no words come out. He swallows and then, all at once as he exhales, "Taylor's pregnant."
It takes Sirius a minute to understand what Jess is telling him, but when he does he becomes just as speechless as Jess had been a minute ago. His grip on the other boy's shoulder tightens.
"Is it...?"
"Yeah," Jess nods.
"Fuck..." Sirius exhales. He runs a hand through his hair and then can't help but chuckle. "God, a year and a half ago, we were in a relationship, and now you're going to be someone's dad."
"Maybe," Jess mumbles.
Sirius turns to look at him again, his hand dropping from Jess' shoulder. "What do you mean 'maybe'?"
"Well, I mean- I'm only seventeen! I'm not ready to be a dad yet, and there's a war going on. I was planning on fighting, but I can't do that if I have a child. Plus, it would be stupid to raise a child during all of the shit going on in the world, wouldn't it?" Jess' eyes are so imploring, so desperate, that Sirius realises he's genuinely asking him.
"Okay, Jess, I kind of understand the whole being only seventeen part, because holy fuck. I can't imagine having a kid right now, but the rest? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sirius shakes his head at him. Jess' mouth snaps shut as he stares at Sirius in surprise. "I assume Taylor is planning on keeping it?"
Jess nods, his face paling.
"Then, step the fuck up," Sirius practically yells. "I know it's probably a terrifying prospect and it's going to be the hardest thing you ever do, but that's your child, Jess. Your child. Whether you're there for Taylor or not, that baby is going to be out in the world. It deserves to have a dad."
Jess groans and drops his head into his hands. Sirius sits silently beside him and waits for Jess to have his internal crisis. It's another five minutes before he sits up and brushes his hair back with his hands.
"Fuck," Jess says.
"Yeah, fuck," Sirius agrees.
"I'm gonna do it."
"Yes, you are."
Jess turns to him and smiles, letting out a small laugh. "I can't believe I'm gonna be a dad... And, you know what, I can't believe you're the person who just gave me the reality check I needed."
"What are friends for?" Sirius grins.
"Thank you, Sirius," Jess says, his smile softening now.
Sirius stands and claps Jess on the back. "No problem. Now, I gotta go, but let me know how it goes, yeah?"
"How what goes?"
Sirius rolls his eyes. "When you talk to Taylor and tell her that you aren't abandoning her and your baby!"
"Oh, right," Jess scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. She's pretty pissed at the moment because, when she told me, I sort of... freaked out."
"Don't worry, so long as you say you're going to be there and you keep your word, she'll forgive you," Sirius promises. With one last smile, he makes his way back towards his dormitory. He doesn't tell Remus about what he's just learnt, knowing Taylor and Jess probably want to keep it a secret for now.
He can't believe his ex-boyfriend is going to be a dad.
They really are growing up.
Saturday - 2nd April, 1977
That morning at breakfast, every Slug Club member gets sent an invitation to Slughorn's annual end of the year celebration. Sirius frowns when it says they aren't permitted to bring plus ones this time, which means he will have to go without Remus. Ugh.
"I could just not go," Sirius suggests as they leave the hall.
"You're going," Remus says, leaving no room for argument. "Finally, a night of peace and quiet."
Sirius squawks, offended. "How rude, Moony. You couldn't live without me."
"Is that so?" Remus smirks, his skin paler than usual. The moon is in a couple of nights, so he hasn't been feeling very well over the last week. He wraps an arm around Sirius' shoulders in a way that could be played off as platonic. Sirius grimaces at the idea.
"That is so," he crosses his arms and leans into Remus a little bit more.
"Mm," Remus hums, teasingly looking up at the ceiling as if he's thinking about it. "I suppose. Life would be pretty shit without you."
"Well, obviously," Sirius snorts, grinning smugly up at his boyfriend. "Are you coming with me and James to watch Lily's band practice? We've been waiting years to finally see it."
"I wish I could," Remus frowns, "but I think if I don't go to bed right now, I might pass out."
"Oh, do you want me to come with you?" Sirius asks, his expression dropping as worry overcomes him.
"No need," Peter jumps in, grabbing Remus' other arm and slinging it over his shoulders. "You go watch Lily be a Rockstar, I'll look after Moony."
"See? I've got Pete," Remus grins and removes his arm from around Sirius' shoulders. "Go on, go have fun. You can tell me all about it later."
Sirius reluctantly agrees, not really wanting to leave Remus whilst he's feeling so sick. The only reason he does is because he trusts Peter to make sure he's okay. He and James hurry up to the abandoned classroom that Lily and her band have been using ever since McGonagall gave them permission to do so. Lily refused to trespass anywhere she shouldn't have been going, so she asked McGonagall, who agreed and even set up spells around the room that made it soundproof.
When they arrive, they knock the specific cadence Lily taught them earlier and wait until the door cracks open, revealing a slither of a boy's face. Sirius recognises him as one of the fifth-year boys that Lily recruited a few months back. He opens the door wider, allowing Sirius and James to make their way inside. James thanks the boy on his way past.
Sirius' eyes jump over to the raised platform at the front of the room, where a professor would stand to teach a class if this were an in-use classroom. Lily is standing up there, moving between instruments, which have all been magically plugged in - or "charged" as Lily called it - and are now waiting for someone to use them. There are two other boys that Sirius doesn't really recognise, as well as Kirley Duke from their year, and Mika Partridge from the year below. Sirius only really knows her because she's also on the Slytherin Quidditch team.
It's Mika who spots them first. She's busy throwing her bright red hair up into a messy bun when she turns and makes direct eye contact with him. There's a quiet curiosity in her eyes, like she doesn't know whether to trust Gryffindors who aren't Lily or not.
"Your boys are here," she says clearly, nudging Lily with her elbow as she ties off her ponytail with a green bit of ribbon.
Lily turns and catches sight of them, a grin already broadening on her face. There's worry in her expression, too, which Sirius knows the meaning of immediately. Lily has been anxious to show them her music since she decided she wanted to start a band. Sirius has heard her practicing in the Gryffindor common room a couple of times by herself though, so he knows how talented she is.
"Hey, guys," she calls, waving them over. "Did you happen to see Pandora, or any of the Ravenclaws by any chance? Kirley's been waiting on them and he's practically pacing a hole in the floor over there." Lily points off to a corner of the room, beside a floor-to-ceiling length window, where Kirley is nervously walking in circles.
"They were still in the Great Hall when we left, so they'll probably be here soon," James tells her. "I'm gonna go and check up on Kirley."
"Thanks," Lily says as James walks away. She turns her gaze on Sirius and deflates. "Hey," she speaks through a small chuckle.
Taking pity on her, Sirius reaches out and rests his hands on her shoulders, kneading his fingers into the muscles beneath her skin. "Don't stress, okay? I've been waiting, well, years to see you play and I just know it's going to be great."
"What if something goes wrong though?" Lily frowns. A crease forms between her eyebrows. "We've had issues with the microphones a couple of times since February. I think Orsino fixed it, but what if it malfunctions midway through-"
"Lily," Sirius shakes her slightly. "If the microphones cut out, then you sing without them. We're in a classroom, not an arena hundreds of feet away from the stage. It's going to be fine. You're going to be fabulous." He pats her cheek. "Also, who the hell is Orsino?"
The guy sitting behind the drums, who has been juggling his drumsticks ever since Sirius and James arrived, turns to look at them. "That'll be me."
"He's our drummer," Lily answers. "When he shows up, that is."
"I missed practice two times," Orsino rolls his eyes. Lily turns to him and raises her eyebrows. "Okay, five times. Blame it on Heath."
"Heath?" Sirius' eyebrow arches.
"His boyfriend," Lily responds.
"Not my boyfriend," Orsino says quickly, as if he was expecting Lily's words.
"Then, what was he off distracting you with, his wand?" Lily crosses her arms and Sirius can't help but laugh when Orsino's whole face turns red. He doesn't say anything else though. "That's what I thought." Lily shakes her head and looks back at Sirius. "Let me introduce you to everyone properly."
She takes Sirius around the room and he finally gets the opportunity to meet the people in her band. There's Orsino, the drummer whenever he shows up, though Mika often has to fill in for him when he doesn't. Then, there's Donaghan Tremlett, who plays bass along with Mika. Following them is Myron Wagtail, the main vocalist alongside Lily. Apparently, he can also play the bass, so he takes over for Mika when she has to go on the drums.
Sirius knows Kirley, so he says hello when they approach him. He looks much calmer now than he did when they got here. Sirius assumes that's all thanks to James. Lily informs them that Kirley is their Chorder - which means he plays the rhythm guitar.
"I play lead and sing vocals when the song requires more than one voice," Lily explains as they circle back towards the stage-like platform at the front of the room. She hops up onto it and stares down at him with a wide grin. "Any questions?"
"Just, how did you come to be so cool? Once upon a time, you were this little, ginger swot who couldn't pull her nose out of a library book, and now look at you." Sirius opens his arms and widely gestures at her. "You're a Rockstar, Trixie."
Lily blushes and tucks her hair behind her ear. "Yeah, well, it wasn't just me. It was everyone in this room that helped me get here."
"Everyone?" Sirius' eyebrows jump to his hairline.
"And then some," Lily nods. "You, James, all of our friends really, you all helped to encourage me into following my dream. I only got this far because of you."
Sirius smiles back up at her. There vulnerable moment is interrupted a second later as there's a rhythmic knock at the door. Mika answers it this time and then pulls the door open wide, allowing a group of Ravenclaws into the room. Pandora is at the head of the group, shortly followed by Xeno, Kingsley, Astro and Benji.
"Pan," Lily grins and jumps off the platform, rushing over to her girlfriend. Pandora jumps right into Lily's arms, locking her hands around the back of Lily's neck. She smiles and kisses her sweetly.
"Hey, beautiful," Pandora greets. "You haven't started without us, have you?"
"Never," Lily tells her. She pulls back slightly and grabs Pandora's hand, dragging her towards the front of the room.
"Well, now that everyone's here, we might as well start," Kirley announces from his spot between Kingsley and Benji. Sirius looks around for James and finds him standing beside him.
"Right," Lily nods, that anxious look reappearing on her face. Pandora cups her face and whispers something to her, making Lily's eyes soften, all traces of fear bleeding out of her in an instant.
It takes a few minutes for the six band members to gather on the stage and readjust the positions of their instruments. It's Myron who announces with songs they will be playing, since he's the main vocalist, so he stands at centre stage. Lily and Mika stand on either side of him, followed by Donaghan beside Lily, and Orsino at the back of the stage, sitting behind his drums.
They play Superstitions by Stevie Wonder first. Orsino's steady drum beat begins the beat, which slowly builds as Mika and Donaghan's basses blends into it. Then, at the same time, Lily and Kirley's start strumming their guitars and soon there's a cacophony of different melodies bouncing off the stone walls of the classroom and echoing back into their ears.
It sounds fucking amazing.
Myron begins singing, his voice carried by the convenient echo that only occurs due to the sheer vastness of the room they are in. Somehow, he manages to alter his voice to sound exactly like Stevie Wonders, and Sirius can't help but be in awe as he watches his first ever live music show. And it's Lily's! God, he's so impressed.
Every now and then, Lily's voice hums in the background, adding another layer to the varying symphonies around them.
The next song, the second out of three, is Monday Morning by Fleetwood Mac. Lily sings most of this song, just like Myron does. Sirius hasn't heard this song since it first came out the year prior, so he doesn't know all of the lyrics to it, but it doesn't make him enjoy himself any less.
Sirius recognises the final song even though Myron doesn't introduce it like he had the other two. He glances over at Lily, who gives him a meaningful grin, telling him she knew he would recognise it the moment it started playing. He beams back at her and almost squirms in excitement.
He may or may not have had a phase in third year when he was absolutely obsessed with this song and wouldn't stop serenading his friends with it.
Mika has moved over to a piano at the corner of the stage, leaving her bass behind. Sirius wonders just how many instruments this girl can play. It's Orsino who whips out a harmonica and starts blowing into it, his drumsticks still waiting in his hands for when he'll presumably need them in a minute.
"It's nine o'clock on a saturday," Myron starts.
Lily sings next. "The regular crowd shuffles in."
"Wait, is this-" James starts, but then he cuts himself off as the beat slowly picks up.
"Yeah," Sirius answers anyway, feeling breathless.
Mika's fingers slide across the keyboard expertly, keeping up with every single section of the song like she's been playing it for her whole life. Orsino's harmonica melody is played right on time as well, easily weaving its way into the song, along with the guitar beats and the low hum of his drums that slowly rises as the chorus approaches.
"He says, "Son, can you play me a memory? I'm not really sure how it goes... But it's sad and it's sweet... And I knew it complete... When I wore a younger man's clothes." "
Lily's voice jumps in during the next set of verses as Myron takes a step back from his microphone and turns to watch her.
"Sing us a song you're the piano man! Sing us a song tonight! Well, we're all in the mood for a melody... And you've got us feeling alright," she sings, her voice changing from rough in the back of her throat, to soft by the end. Her change in vocals are at a professional level, at least to Sirius' ears. He whoops out a cheer and is soon followed by everyone else who is watching the performance.
As the song carries on, Sirius starts singing along, and soon, they all are. Or, at least, all of them who know the words. Kingsley looks to be the only person who has no idea what song this is, and Sirius blames that on the fact that he's a Pureblood, so he's probably never heard it before.
By the time the chorus comes up again, Sirius and James have their arms slung over each other's shoulders and are swaying in tandem to the melody, belting the lyrics. They aren't so loud that they outshine the band, but even if they were, Lily doesn't look like she would mind. She's grinning at them, like she's just glad they have something worth smiling about these days.
Sirius can't help but be eternally grateful that they do.
"Sing us a song. You're the piano man! Sing us a song tonight! Well, we're all in the mood for a melody... And you've got us feeling alright! " The whole band sings together as Orsino's harmonica screams pleasantly along with them.
The song comes to an end when Mika's fingers hit their final chord on the piano.
There's a moment where everyone seems to be catching their breath, but then Sirius lets out another loud cheer and everyone joins him. They clap and holler through their cupped hands. Sirius practically sprints over to Lily, lifting her up and spinning her around in his arms. When he puts her down to congratulate her, James comes up behind her and does the exact same thing Sirius just did.
"I assume you liked it then," Lily says, sounding breathless.
"Liked it? It was the best thing I've ever seen !" Sirius bursts out, grabbing onto Lily's shoulders and shaking her around excitedly. "That was wicked!"
"You really killed it," James agrees.
"Really?" Lily's smile turns from bashful to hopeful.
James rests a gentle hand on her shoulder and softly says, "Your dad would be so proud of you right now."
Lily bites down on her bottom lip and then lunges forward to hug James. "Thank you," she whispers.
When Pandora makes her way over, Sirius and James don't get another moment alone with Lily, so they go around congratulating the rest of the band members. It's not until they're about to leave that Lily finds them again and announces that they have finally booked their first gig. A whole new round of congratulations starts after that.
***
Friday - 8th April, 1977
Regulus
He's back home and he wishes with everything in him that he was anywhere else.
The Easter break started a few days ago now, so he's gotten used to the whiplash of going from warm and cosy Hogwarts to this cold and shadowed house. He's adapted from not having his friends nearby or James waiting for him at night to the hollow loneliness that comes with being back inside Grimmauld Place.
Since Regulus returned home five nights ago, his parents have had guests over every other night. None of which have been Scarlett and her parents or Narcissa. Hell, Regulus would even take seeing Lucius right about now. Instead, they have very obviously been Death Eaters. They haven't been shy about hiding their marked forearms from him either, probably having heard that he will soon be joining them in their little murderer club.
Unfortunately, he's also seen Rabastan. He didn't come over for tea, but to visit Regulus specifically. It was a couple of days ago now. He had caught Regulus outside in the gardens during one of his walks. If he didn't have his daily go around the garden, he would never leave the house, and he wouldn't let it consume him. Not yet anyway.
He had only just about managed to restrain himself from rolling his eyes when Rabastan rounded the corner of the outside of the maze and grinned at him. Regulus had smiled tightly back, wanting nothing more than to cast the man away or vomit at the sight of him.
He did neither, unfortunately.
They ended up spending the next couple of hours out on the grounds around Grimmauld Place - conserved away from the Muggle neighbours in a pocket of magic that made the outside area around their house seem like an acreage. Rabastan started speaking and he wouldn't stop, so Regulus just let him get on with it, knowing he had nothing nice to say to him anyway.
At first, he was just jabbering on about his new job in the Ministry, and how his assistant apparently had "tits the size of Jupiter".
Honestly, is this the sort of shit girls have to deal with?
But then, the conversation took a sudden 180, and Rabastan started talking about how he heard Regulus would be receiving his mark over the summer. Regulus had felt bile rise in the back of his throat and had to cough just to get rid of it.
"-and try not to piss your pants when you receive it, yeah?" Rabastan smirked, going to nudge him but then stopping at the last moment like he remembered Regulus' boundaries around physical contact. That has always confused him - how Rabastan can be such a sick and conniving human being, but still be capable of respecting Regulus' boundaries. It just... doesn't make sense.
"Piss?" Regulus had grimaced.
"Yeah. Our newest recruit, Snyde, got his mark a few weeks back and he pissed his pants," Rabastan snorted. "Then, he passed out, but I've heard that's a common occurrence. Others cry, too. I wonder which you'll be," Rabastan said, eyeing his curiously. "I bet you'll be the graciously silent type who takes it like it's nothing more than a papercut."
"Perhaps," Regulus shrugged. "It's not like you would know otherwise. I could just lie if I do end up pissing myself."
"Didn't you know?" Rabastan's eyes gleamed with something akin to madness. "We all get to watch your initiation, since you're a Black and all."
Regulus had stopped in his steps then, staring up at Rabastan with wide eyes. "What difference does that make? If I'm a Black."
"I'm not sure," Rabastan shrugged. "But every Black who has received the mark so far has had it done publicly. Bellatrix's was particularly entertaining." When Regulus only continued to stare on in confusion, Rabastan added, "It's probably because your family is supposed to be the strongest - the most purest - of our kind. You are supposed to show us how to take it, and if any of the rest of us can't live up to the Dark Lord's standards, then we're seen as weak disappointments before he can even put us to work."
Put us to work, Regulus had scoffed internally. As if they were simply being recruited for a job and not to be assailants.
He hasn't heard from Rabastan since and he's glad for it. Mostly, he's been rereading his list, the one he crafted all the way back in February now. It's always there, luring in the back of his mind like some cursed shadow. He knows it's the guilt, and he knows that if he's going to be successful in his mission to take down the Dark Lord, then he's going to need to bury every ounce of guilt inside his body. But he doesn't know how he's supposed to cut off his empathy whilst he's still with James. He can already feeling them slipping away from each other and it's killing him.
He's kept in contact with James since he came home through the notebooks, but he's only been able to write once a day, usually right before he goes to bed. He knows James stayed at Hogwarts with Remus and Sirius for the full moon. A part of him wishes he could have stayed behind with them.
Other than the mental guilt, the walks in the garden, and the daily exchanges with James through their notebooks, Regulus has been having a hell of a break.
Every single day, right after lunch, Bellatrix appears and takes him back down to the basement for "training".
Translation: she's been teaching him how to cast unforgivables by casting them on him.
It's what he's doing now. Bellatrix has him under her wand as red light shoots from it, the word Crucio slithering from between her serpentine-like lips. Regulus stopped screaming yesterday, before then, he couldn't help himself. She keeps him under it until he cracks, but never for long enough that he's at risk of losing his sanity.
Since yesterday, he hasn't let himself crack, and it's made her hold the spell on him for less time. He thinks that's why she's doing this - to teach him how to not crack under pressure. He wonders if this is her twisted way of trying to protect him, to train him for the life he's about to sign himself up to. Has already signed himself up to. Maybe she thinks that if he's used to not having control, it'll make it easier when he's thrust into battle against his will. Or, maybe, she's just fucking sick.
He thinks the latter is more probable. After all, Bella has never had a problem with hurting him before. Usually, she only acts out against him when he pisses her off, like she can't help it; like violence is her immediate reaction to anything that's wrong.
He wonders if it is. If violence is woven into her, into all of them. Maybe it's just in their blood. Maybe, after all this time, Regulus was always going to end up here. A soon-to-be killer. A Death Eater. Strung along into a life of doom and gloom by the insanity that comes with his name.
Everything his mother has always wanted him to be and everything he's been trying his whole life not to be.
Guess that means she wins then.
Bellatrix finally lifts the spell and gives Regulus a minute to compose himself. He spends the first ten seconds catching his breath and withdrawing his teeth from where they had dug themselves into his bottom lip. He knows he will bruise - he had to heal his lip after yesterday's session. Then, he slowly sits up and allows his head to adjust to the new angle, feeling as a sense of dizziness rushes over him.
Once he no longer feels like he's about to hurl up his lunch like he had on days one and two, he moves to stand. His hands shake in a constant tremor that hasn't ceased since the third day that Bellatrix was casting the Cruciatus curse on him. The rest of his body feel like it's constantly vibrating, as if every single one of his cells was set on a barbeque and has been left there to sizzle.
"Your turn," Bellatrix sings, conjuring a rabbit to appear from the tip of her wand.
Regulus knows it's only a conjured rabbit, so it's not technically real, but it still feels real when he lifts his wand and whispers the words he never wanted to say, "Imperio," and, "Crucio," and listens to the high pitch shrieking the poor animal lets out. The sound burrows beneath his skin, making a home there, and he knows it'll never leave. Everything that's transpired in this basement over the last few days will live with him for the rest of his life.
He threw up the first time he made a rabbit bite of it's own foot whilst under the Imperious curse, per Bellatrix's instruction. Then again when he first heard it scream under his Cruciatus curse. It took him hours to get anything to actually come out of his wand, and then Bellatrix told him that he had to mean it for anything to happen.
Regulus has an act to keep up, so he couldn't fail. He can't.
So, he pretended he was looking at Voldemort, or his mother, or Amycus fucking Carrow instead and let the curse fall past his lips. It worked and he didn't feel any better for it, not even when Bellatrix congratulated him by pulling him into a rare hug. She wasn't one for physical affection.
Regulus now manages to keep the contents of his stomach down... for most of the day. On the fourth day, yesterday, he was fine until he spoke to James. It hit him then that James wouldn't ever forgive him if he knew, and he shouldn't. James is far too good for him. If he found out that Regulus was casting unforgivables without argument, and successfully, then he would never look at him the same.
That very thought had Regulus rushing over to his en suite and chucking up his dinner.
After his training with Bella today, he walks her to the sitting room where the fireplace is. Sometimes she stays afterwards for a little bit to talk to Regulus' parents, but today is one of the days when she leaves straight away.
He's relieved to see her go, feeling mentally and physically exhausted from the day's activities.
Once Bellatrix disappears in the fireplace, Regulus walks over to the mirror hanging above the mantel and lifts his wand to his face. He heals the cut and bruise left behind from where he bit his bottom lip to stop from screaming at Bellatrix's curse and sighs when the damage disappears.
He stares at the boy in the mirror, looking right back at him with dead eyes. James always says they're blue - his favourite colour - but all Regulus sees is dull grey. There encircled in purple rings that are nothing to do with lack of sleep. Regulus is used to having a messed up sleep schedule, it barely affects him. His body, however, isn't used to being put through so many physical trials.
Behind him, Kreacher pops into the room, making Regulus jump. He's been more on edge since he started having unforgivables cast on him every day.
"Regulus, sir," Kreacher croaks out and Regulus instantly takes notice of the fear in the elf's voice.
"Kreacher, what's wrong?" Regulus frowns, bending slightly to accommodate to Kreacher's height.
"You is having a guest," Kreacher says, his voice wobbling with fear. "It is being the Dark Lord, sir."
Frowning, Regulus stands back up to his full height and spares himself one final glance in the mirror to make sure his appearance is up to his mother's standards. He looks a bit tired, but that's nothing new, so he doesn't bother casting any glammers on himself before he leaves the safety of the sitting room. Kreacher informs him that his "guest" is waiting in his father's study, so Regulus heads straight there, not wanting to risk making him wait any longer.
He has his list in his pocket. He always carries it with him these days. It's a reminder of what he is now, what he's allowing himself to become.
When he arrives at his father's study, memories of the last time he was here hit him with the power of a train. He hasn't properly spoken to his father since he told him he would never forgive him for hiding Sirius from him.
He shakes the memory away now and knocks on the door. It slowly swings open, revealing that monster of a man sitting behind the desk, looking far too comfortable about it, too. He smiles when he spots Regulus, it stretches across his face like some kind of ominous snake.
Regulus doesn't trust it.
Voldemort, the Dark Lord, whatever he should call him. He reminds Regulus of a Venus fly trap. He's charming enough to lure people in, but the moment you get to close, he'll snatch you from the rest of the world and keep you as his prey.
"Regulus, come in and take a seat," Voldemort instructs with a flourish of his hand, gesturing towards the chair across from him. Regulus nods once and closes the door behind him as he steps into the office. He sits down and waits for his next instruction. "I presume you remember me telling you that I would be coming to acquire your list during your time off from school."
Regulus wonders how the man can sit there with a straight face and talk about Regulus being a literal schoolkid, whilst simultaneously referencing the task he's gotten him to complete for his war effort all in the space of the same sentence. It's just sick. Regulus isn't even an adult yet, and here he is, doing Voldemort's bidding for him.
"Of course, my Lord," Regulus responds, reaching into his pocket to retrieve the list. "I have it right here." He tries to hide the tremble in his hands as he places the list on the desk and slides it towards the man opposite him. He doesn't know if the trembles are because of his prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus curse as of late, or if it's because he has the urge to pull his hand away, tear up the list or burn it to ashes.
He withdraws his hand before his urges take over and watches as Voldemort picks it up.
That's it then.
Regulus has officially completed his task. He's given up dozens of names to be sacrificed, and he has no one to blame for it but himself.
He's earned his Dark Mark.
Sunday - 17th April, 1977
Regulus is wearing glammers when he makes it onto the train back to Hogwarts. The blue circles under his eyes have officially started to look like bruises that no healing spell can heal because technically it isn't an injury, and his spell has taken on an unnatural pale pigment that makes him look like some kind of sickly Victorian ghost dying of Muggle influenza.
Not to mention, the tremors in his hands haven't stopped and have only worsened over time. It's been a couple of days since Bellatrix last cursed him, and he had hoped that would mean his hands would settle before he returned to school, but that apparently won't be the case.
He's doing his best to hide it by keeping his arms as close to his side as he can.
The train ride back to Hogwarts is quiet since Barty decided to stay at school and Dorcas stayed behind with him, leaving just Scarlett, Evan and Pandora to keep him company. And, because he's a Prefect, Regulus ends up being given an hour of rounds with one of the fifth year Hufflepuff Prefects.
By the time they make it back to Hogwarts, Regulus is so tired he just wants to skip dinner and go right off up to bed. His skin feels clammy and far too tight around his bones, and his hands are still bloody shaking in a way that makes him feel nauseous.
The moment they step into the castle, Regulus starts heading towards the Slytherin common room instead of the Great Hall. When Pandora and Scarlett call after him, Evan waves them off and follows him.
"What did you do that for?" Regulus asks.
"I didn't think you would want to tell them the truth," Evan whispers.
"Which is?" Regulus raises an eyebrow.
"Regulus, I know the signs," Evan says, pointedly looking down at Regulus' hands. "How many times?"
"What?" Regulus is truly confused now.
They have just made it down into the dungeons, which are desolate, not a soul in sight beside the two of them. Evan stops and so Regulus does, too.
"How many times did they cast the Cruciatus curse on you?" Evan's voice is clearer now, and what he said is undeniable. He knows.
"Twenty-six," Regulus mumbles, unable to make eye contact with his friend.
"Fuck, that's nearly twice every day since the break started," Evan runs a hand through his hair, looking far more stressed out than Regulus is about the situation. "I'm surprised you're still bloody standing. Have you eaten anything today?"
Regulus shakes his head. "I can't stomach anything."
"When was the last time you ate?"
"Friday," he admits quietly.
"You have to eat something, Reggie, or you're going to end up in the infirmary and, believe me when I say, Madam Pomfrey will know exactly what is wrong with you. And we all know, that wouldn't end well for anyone," Evan explains. At the look of utter exhaustion on Regulus' face, he sighs, his features softening. "Just... go have a nap and I'll go down to the kitchens and grab us some dinner, okay?"
"Don't you wanna see Barty?" Regulus tries a smirk, but he doesn't think the muscles in his face are quite awake enough to form it properly.
"Shut up and go to bed," Evan orders before turning around and stomping off towards the kitchens. Before he makes it out of Regulus' view, he spins around and shouts, "And take a cold shower first, it'll help."
Regulus sighs but does as Evan said. As annoying as he can be sometimes, Regulus is glad he has a friend like Evan looking out for him.
Saturday - 23rd April, 1977
By the time the final Quidditch match of the year rolls around, Regulus' trembles have lessened enough not to affect his flying.
This year, the final match is between them and Ravenclaw. Regulus wishes he was flying with James, but Gryffindor lost during their last game. Regulus knows it's his fault - the match was scheduled during the time when they weren't speaking and James was completely off his game because of it.
He wishes he'd have realised that would be the last time he could enjoy them flying together, then he wouldn't have stayed away for so long. Because, next year, they aren't going to be together, so Regulus is no longer going to look forward to games against the Gryffindors. Now, they're going to be the thing he dreads the most.
He's the first one to make it to the changing rooms that morning having skipped breakfast in the Great Hall, so he could get an early start. He already told Evan that he was planning to get in a few warm-up laps before the match and asked him to step in as Captain at breakfast to go over strategies with the team again, just as they did last night at practice.
By the time he gets down to the changing rooms, it's just before six, which means no one is expected down here for another two hours, at least.
He drops his bag onto the bench and starts changing into his Quidditch uniform. He unbuttons his shirt but leaves it on to conceal his back, in case anyone happens to walk in, whilst he takes off his trousers. Just as he reaches for his Quidditch jodhpurs, he feels hands snake around his bare waist. His body doesn't flinch away from the touch, which tells him who it is.
James' warm smile comes into view as Regulus turns in his arms, his hands sliding to the planes of Regulus' lower back. He can feel each individual pad of James' soft fingers against his skin and leans into the familiar touch.
"How did you know I was coming down here early?" Regulus asks. He didn't spend last night in the Room of Requirement with James for this very reason.
When James gives him a look, he makes an ahh sound.
"The map."
"Yeah," James mumbles bashfully. "I swear I'm not a stalker, but I was up early and I wanted to check up on you to see how you were feeling."
"I'm fine. You know I don't get nervous about these things," Regulus smiles. He rests his hands on James' shoulders and steps closer. "How come you were up so early?"
"I couldn't sleep," James shrugs. "It's hard now that I know what it's like to sleep with you by my side."
Regulus feels those words stab him right through the centre of his chest. He won't be there to hold James during his nightmares after next month. Not ever again. Not even if he survives his self-imposed mission of his. James won't forgive him once he knows what Regulus has done.
"Hey," James whispers, knocking their noses together. Regulus' eyes flutter shut as a sense of safety washes over him. "Are you sure you aren't nervous?"
Regulus nods. "Yeah, I just miss you."
"I'm right here, Reg," James says quietly, his lips brushing Regulus' own.
"I know," he whispers in response before leaning forward and kissing him. He leans up onto his tiptoes as he deepens the kiss, arms looping around James' neck to pull him closer.
When James pull away, Regulus stares up at him with wide eyes and a pout. James laughs and cups his face, pressing another kiss to the tip of his nose.
"You're adorable and I love you, but you should start getting ready if you wanna get a good amount of flying in before the match." James scratches his fingers through Regulus' hair, causing tingles to bloom across the nape of his neck. "When you walk out onto the pitch at the beginning of the game, look up at the stands and I'll be right at the front, cheering you on."
"Okay," Regulus smiles, kissing James once more on the lips before stepping away.
When the game starts just under three hours later, Regulus looks up at the stands and finds James right where he said he would be. At the front, cheering him on.
He knows it'll be the last time James cheers him on for anything.
Regulus raises his eyebrows as he watches Barty tackle Evan to the ground. If he hadn't seen Sirius and James do this exact thing during one of their games earlier on in the year, he would warn them not to do that in public because of how it looks. But, apparently, this is a thing guys do. Well, guys who don't have problems with being tackled to the dirty ground and getting grass-stained.
When Barty pulls them back up to standing, Mika, Violetta and Serena rush up to the two boys and pull them into a group hug as they celebrate their win. They have officially won the Quidditch Cup. Regulus' first since being Captain.
Dorcas comes up to his side and throws an arm over his shoulders. He doesn't mind, not anymore. He's gotten used to his friends and their need for physical affection over the years, so it no longer makes him uncomfortable. Sometimes, they still ask, but Regulus doesn't even care anymore if they don't. He's finally learnt to enjoy the random hugs Dorcas and Pandora offer him, as well as the (somewhat annoying) way Barty tackles him into a headlock whenever he gets overexcited. Evan is the one who dishes out physical touch the least because he's similar to Regulus in the way that he doesn't find it necessary like their friends do, and too much of it makes him uncomfortable.
That is, unless it's coming from Barty.
"Nice one, Cap," Dorcas grins at him.
"Thanks, but it wasn't just me," Regulus smiles as he turns to look at the rest of his team, all of whom are now racing each other towards the changing rooms.
"Yeah. We're all pretty cool," Dorcas chuckles. She knocks her hip against his. "Come on, let's go celebrate. We deserve it. You deserve it."
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Sirius caught Evan and Barty right before they walked in on James and Regulus hahah
- I know the whole Jess plotline seems really random, and it kind of is, but I've had this planned for him since I introduced his character. Also, yes, Jess is Katie Bell's dad in this :))
- btw just a disclaimer: I am not one of those people who is about to judge a teenage pregnancy. So long as the mum and the baby is happy, healthy, safe and are looked after, I don't give a shit how old you are.
- Sirius "step the fuck up" Tonks is out here doing bits. Taylor should thank him honestly
- Lily motherfucking Evans <3 I'm so in love with her, if you couldn't already tell
- The final song Lily's band play is 'Piano Man' by Billy Joel
- Shout out to Mika for being a talented queen <3
- Regulus is not having a good time :/
- Rabastan, Bellatrix and Voldemort can go fuck themselves :)
- Evan is the mum friend. Is he insane? absolutely. doesn't mean he can't also take care of and love his friends like they're his babies.
- Jegulus being cute <3333 They're only gonna be cute like one more time before it goes downhill for good, so cherish it (no because why am I actually about to cry??)
- There's only one more chapter of sixth year before the summer, so buckle tf up 😥Guys, my splint is finally off from that time when I injured my wrist! My wrist still hurts though so I've gotta go and get it checked out again, but at least it's free now :D
I'm also over my sickness (turns out it wasn't norovirus, just a bad case of food poisoning). That's why this chapter is so late - I was dying hehe
See you in a week <3
Chapter 84: Sixth Year: Bohemian Rhapsody
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-slight smut (not rly explicit tho)
-death of a parent/heart attack
-mentions of depression/not eating/coping with grief
-brief mentions of war
-brief mention of someone throwing up
-
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality
~ Queen
Tuesday - 3rd May, 1977
Sirius
With less than a month until the end of the year, Sirius has sort of been slacking with his schoolwork. He still completes his homework on time and has continued to excel in the private lessons he's been partaking in since the school year began, but he hasn't been trying as hard as he usually does. He just doesn't really see the point with end of year exams around the corner. Surely, his time would be better off spent revising for those.
Now, there's a sentence he never thought he'd think.
Usually, Sirius doesn't bother with revision, but, he has to admit, this year has been more challenging on him than each previous year has been. Plus, he has a bet with Moony that he'll be able to beat him in five subjects. If he doesn't, Sirius has to buy Remus a month's supply of chocolate frogs. If he does, Remus has to do whatever Sirius wants him to for a full day.
The end of the year has brought a lot of feelings with it. For example, this is Jess' final year at Hogwarts, which means Sirius won't see him after the month is up. They have already agreed to keep in contact with each other, since they are friends. Also, Jess has updated Sirius on the whole baby situation, and he and Taylor are officially going to be moving in together over the summer in preparation for their baby, which is apparently due in October.
Sirius is sort of dreading the summer. He won't be able to see Regulus for three months, and even though they have their notebooks now, Sirius is going to find it really difficult not being able to see his brother for that long, whilst also having to live with the knowledge that Regulus is going back to that horrid house. He doesn't know how James has been able to handle it for the last three years.
Thankfully, most of Sirius' summer is already packed with visits to and from Remus, so he shouldn't have to worry about spending too much time alone stewing over whether his brother is safe or not in his own home. He's hoping Remus will be a helpful distraction.
Speaking of Remus. It's the penultimate full moon of the school year. The final one will fall on the evening after everyone leaves Hogwarts, but Remus and the Animagi group have decided to stay in the castle for it, as it'll be easier for Remus to get cared for by Poppy.
Sirius, James, Peter and Lily sneak off to the shack not too long before the moon rises in the sky. They wait for Poppy to emerge from the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow before hurrying over to the crazy tree and freezing it's branches so they can duck through the tunnel and into the shack.
Remus is pacing by the time they make it to the room Poppy usually locks him inside of, still unaware that the Marauders (and Lily, of course) discovered a way around that spell years ago.
Sirius hurries over to his boyfriend and wraps his arms around his shoulders, stopping his repetitive movements instantly.
It's been one of his antsier months, which means the moon might be one of the harder ones, especially with how hot it is now that summer is finally starting.
He buries his fingers into Remus' hair and gently strokes his scalp, hoping to soothe him at least a little bit. Remus hums in approval and drops his head to Sirius'. They stand there for a moment in silence and Sirius hopes this small moment of comfort is enough to at least partially distract Remus from what he's about to go through.
"Sirius," Remus whispers, his lips lightly brushing Sirius'.
"Yeah, honey?" Sirius breathes back. He doesn't know when it started, but he's noticed himself calling Remus by that pet name more often recently. It fits him perfectly, in Sirius' opinion. Remus is as sweet as honey - and he sure as hell is full of sugar, if the amount of chocolate he consumes on the daily is anything to go by.
Remus lifts his hand and cups Sirius' jaw, their eyes locking. "I'm scared. Moony feels... I don't know. Pent up, almost. Just, be careful, yeah?"
Those words ring on a loop through Sirius' head.
I'm scared.
Remus isn't scared for himself, he's used to transitioning by now. He's been doing it for twelve years. He's scared of hurting one of them, Sirius knows that. He's always known it, just like he's always known that Remus could never hurt him. They're entirely inseparable, two sides of the same coin. Nothing could come between them; not anything in the world.
"I'm not scared," he whispers in response. "We'll be careful, we always are, but there's nothing to be scared of, Moony. Nothing at all."
Remus doesn't look convinced, but Sirius knows he never will be. Not fully. He's always going to be scared of this one thing, and Sirius can't really blame him. Remus loses all control during full moons, and losing oneself like that... it must be terrible. Sirius can't even begin to imagine it. But, unlike Remus, Sirius knows Moony, too. He trusts the wolf just as much as he trusts Remus, and he knows that Moony would never hurt him, or any of them. He's their friend, their pack. He is them.
Sirius rises onto his tiptoes and kisses Remus' lips softly but firmly. When they part, Remus lets out a low groan, his body shuddering under the weight of the pain he's experiencing. Sirius scratches his scalp once more before shifting into Padfoot. He nuzzles his nose up against Remus' knee, who tells the others to change, too.
Soon, their entire pack is there. Wolf, dog, lioness, stag and rat. A very odd and unlikely group, but a family.
Moony is more eager to get out of the shack this month, and the rest of them waste no time letting him out. They keep him distracted for the night, playing with him and chasing him through the winding trees of the Forbidden Forest. And by the time the sun rises, they've made it back to the Shrieking Shack safe and soundly.
See, Moony? Sirius thinks. Nothing to be afraid of.
Saturday - 21st May, 1977
The next couple of weeks are packed full of exams and study sessions that have Sirius' mind turning numb. When it's all over, he is so relieved that he actually finds himself looking forward to Slughorn's end of year celebration down in the dungeons. He's still peeved that Remus isn't allowed to attend, but whatever. He's going to go and have fun, then leave early to go and find his beautiful boyfriend, and they're going to enjoy the empty dormitory.
Sirius spends most of the party by Xeno's side, who keeps him entertained for the evening. They both snicker at the way Regulus and James pretend to avoid each other, whilst simultaneously sending each other longing looks. Sirius is glad that Xeno has his omniscient abilities, otherwise he wouldn't have anyone to laugh about those two idiots with, since Lily is pretty preoccupied at the moment (she's too busy sending heart-eyes at her girlfriend to notice anything else going on around her).
Once they have had dinner, Sirius sneaks out of Slughorn's chambers without being noticed and rushes off back up to Gryffindor Tower. Frank and James are still at the party, and Peter is with Benji in the Ravenclaw dormitory tonight, since the other Ravenclaw boys are in the Slug Club. Sirius can't help but think that it was rude of Slughorn to allow all of Benji's roommate into his little society, but not Benji as well.
When Sirius makes it to the common room, it's just gone nine o'clock, and he finds Remus sitting in a seat by the fireplace with Mary by his side. Remus has a book in his hands, one that Mary is peeping and laughing at over his shoulder. Remus rolls his eyes fondly at her, like he thinks whatever it is she's laughing at is stupid.
He must hear Sirius' footsteps because a moment later, his head snaps up and their eyes meet across the room. Remus says something to Mary, who just nods and sends a look Sirius' way. As Remus gets up from his seat, Mary waggles her eyebrows at Sirius, who snorts.
"What're you doing back here so early?" Remus asks him, grabbing his hand instinctively. The common room isn't empty, but it's nowhere near as packed as it usually would be on a Saturday evening after exams. Still, Sirius appreciates this small public acknowledgement from Remus and squeezes his hand tighter.
"Thought we could take advantage of the dorm being empty for the next couple of hours," Sirius says, arching a suggestive eyebrow.
Remus' cheeks turn pink and that familiar golden glow that Sirius loves so much appears in his eyes. That's only ever happened for him, Remus told him once. Sirius loves it.
"God, finally," Remus quietly groans before dragging Sirius towards the stairs. It's been just over two weeks since they've had the time to do anything. That, and their dormitory never seems to be empty nowadays.
They practically run up the stairs and Remus pushes Sirius through the doorway to their dormitory before kicking the door shut. He closes the space between them with two large strides, his hands jumping up to cup Sirius' jaw. Sirius tugs off his jacket and starts unbuttoning his dress shirt as Remus' lips begin to make their way down his jaw and towards his neck.
"Fucking hell, Moony, I've missed you," he hums into Remus' cheek.
Remus untucks Sirius' shirt from his trousers and pulls it off. Then, he grabs the hem of his t-shirt and tugs it over his head, throwing it off somewhere to their left. One of his hand strokes it's way into Sirius' curls, whilst the other presses itself against Sirius' chest before running down his stomach, causing him to shiver.
His hands are so warm.
Sirius pulls Remus closer by the beltloops of his jeans and starts walking backwards. His legs hit the edge of Remus' mattress, but before he gets the chance to fall back onto it, Remus grabs him by the back of his thighs and picks him up. Sirius lets out a little squeal, his hands clutching at Remus' shoulders.
Remus kneels on his bed and drops Sirius to the mattress beneath him, his hands fumbling over Sirius' zipper only a moment later. Sirius unbuttons Remus' jeans and tugs them down as far as he can with his hands, not wanting to break the kiss. Frustrated that he can't get them very far, he lets out a huff and waves his hand. Remus' jeans and boxers come flinging off his legs and shoot halfway across the room.
"Fucking hell, how did you do that?" Remus murmurs into his mouth. Sirius takes a minute to process Remus' words, getting distracted by the way their breath mingles together as Remus hovers his lips over Sirius' mouth.
"Been practicing wandless magic all year, remember?" Sirius grins, nipping Remus' bottom lip. "Turns out it's very handy."
"And very hot," Remus grumbles, his voice low and eyes bright gold. "What else can you do without a wand?"
"This," Sirius' lips turn up in a smirk as he waves his hand and watches Remus' eyes widen.
"Did you just...?"
"Yup," Sirius grins, so proud of himself. "Lube spell, hah!"
"You're gonna have to teach me that one," Remus snorts.
"There's all sorts of things I could teach you if you want me to, honey," Sirius whispers, his voice low and seductive. He leans up just enough for their lips to brush before adding, "I've been doing research."
Remus lets out a noise that's half a hum and half a groan before pressing their lips together in an unrelenting kiss. He grins his hips down against Sirius', causing friction that has Sirius' mind whirling. He drops his head back against the pillow and Remus takes this as an opportunity to kiss down the column of his throat. He doesn't stop there though. He peppers his lips all across the planes of Sirius body. His tongue dips into the divots of Sirius' abdominals and he sucks the skin of Sirius' hips into his mouth before biting it and leaving marks that Sirius won't spell away even though he can.
He lazily strokes Sirius off as he bites down on the flesh of his inner thighs, marking him even though he doesn't have to. Sirius will never be anyone else's, just this boy's. He will always, so long as he lives, belong to Remus Lupin.
Sirius tugs at Remus' hair and stutters out a low, "Mo-oony... I want you..."
Remus slides back up the length of Sirius' body until he's hovering over him completely. Then, without breaking eye contact, he presses into him and Sirius moans at the sensation. He stares up at Remus and feels a massive, impenetrable bubble form in his chest. God and Godric and fucking Merlin, he is so in love and it feels so good. It's- literally indescribable.
He glides his hand up Remus' back and over his shoulder, eventually resting it against his cheek. His thumb strokes Remus' skin softly and he watches his own hand in amazement, completely astonished still, even after all this time, that he's allowed to touch him like this.
Remus must feel it, too, because he cups Sirius' cheek in one of his hands and drops his face so that their foreheads are resting together.
"I love you so much, Sirius Tonks," he whispers. "You've ruined me, turned me utterly fucking insane."
"It's ridiculous how much I love you," Sirius responds, gasping as Remus continues to thrust in and out of him.
"We are utterly ridiculous," Remus laughs, and it's the best sound in the world. "All the best people are, right?"
Sirius grins, remembering years ago when he said that very thing to Remus. That was before everything. Before Sirius realised he was gay and way before he ever realised he was in love with Remus. It was back when all they thought they were was just friends.
Well, Sirius knows, they've never been just friends.
"Right," he nods. "And you're the best thing this world has up to offer, Remus Lupin."
He kisses him and it feels like there are galaxies imploding around them. He kisses him and it feels like toeing the line between life and death. So euphoric that it must be the greatest sweet relief on the planet, yet so fucking alive that it has him feeling like he's made of nothing but light.
He kisses him and he swears he's going to marry this boy someday.
Monday - 23rd May, 1977
On the first Monday after exams end, Sirius has an entire free day to do with whatever he pleases. So, he seeks out Miriam and is glad when she tells him she finished her end-of-year exams last week, too.
He hasn't been able to spend very much time with her over the last two weeks because he's been too busy either studying or distracting himself with things like going for a fly with James and Frank, or playing games of chess with Peter and Lily.
They wander around the grounds and manage to walk around the entire lake as they catch up on what they have been up to. Sirius asks Miriam how her first year at Hogwarts has gone and she excitedly regales him with tales of her exploring the castle with her friends - which Sirius notices are all either Gryffindors, Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs. It appears she hasn't made any friends in her own house. Sirius wonders if it's because she's a Muggleborn, and Slytherin is known as the house of the "pure-blooded". He doesn't question her on it though, not wanting to dampen her bright mood.
When they make it back to the courtyard, Sirius sits by the fountain and watches as Miriam tiptoes across the stone edge, her arms stretched out on either side of her, brow bent in concentration.
"Don't fall in," Sirius teases, jokingly reaching out to poke at her side. She wobbles but manages to catch herself before she tips either way - not that Sirius would allow her to fall, he'd catch her just in time.
She stops walking once she's regained her balance and places her hands on her hips, looking unimpressed. "You're not funny."
"Blasphemy," Sirius squawks, placing an offended hand against his chest. "I remember the days when you used to think I was hilarious."
"I was too small to know better," Miriam counters, smirking in a very Slytherin-esque way. In fact, it sort of reminds Sirius of Regulus, which makes him wonder if she's been spending too much time around his grumpy brother.
"I'm hurt," Sirius mutters, feigning offence.
Before he gets a chance to say anything else, he hears a splash of water. He turns quickly, worried that Miriam might have fallen in, when his face is struck with a sudden burst of water. He flinches as it hits him and then rubs his eyes and pushes his now soaked hair out of his face. When he glances up at Miriam, who is still standing safely on the edge of the fountain, he finds her laughing loudly, her knees bent and her hands resting on them.
"You little shit," Sirius grumbles, jumping up from his seat. Miriam lets out a small yelp, hops off the fountain, and starts sprinting for the castle's entrance. Sirius chases after her, smiling at the carefree laughter that falls from his cousin's lips. It's the sound of pure joy.
"I'm faster than you, Ri-Ri!" Sirius yells after her.
"You wish!" She shouts back before cackling loudly.
They run right up the steps at the entrance of the castle and, as their shoes slap against the flagstones, Sirius catches up to her. He grabs her, turns her around, and lifts her up. He tosses her over his shoulder and snorts when she starts hitting and elbowing his back.
"Let me down, you big oaf," Miriam huffs, struggling in his arms. But he can feel the way her chest rattles with quiet laughter, can hear it in her voice. "God, you're such an idiot, Sirius."
"Now, is that the right way to talk to your favourite cousin?" Sirius tuts, but he finally puts her back down on her own two feet.
"Who says you're my favourite?" She raises a daring eyebrow and crosses her arms. "I've got options now: Dora, your secret brother..."
"Yeah, but I'm obviously the coolest," Sirius grins smugly.
"Mm." Miriam tilts her head from side-to-side.
"Slytherin has made you mean, I don't like it."
She laughs. "Fine, you're my favourite. But don't tell Regulus, he thinks he is."
"Of course not," Sirius smiles. He's about to suggest they go get a bite to eat, when he notices red hair out of his periphery. He glances towards the entrance to the Great Hall and finds Lily slowly walking towards him. There's a dazed look on her face, a small crease between her eyebrows that instantly worries him. He's never seen her like this.
Taking in her appearance properly, he notices there's a letter dangling from one of her hands, whilst the other is fisted and pressed against her chest.
Her face is pale, lips slightly parted. She looks like she's in shock.
Sirius frowns and walks over to her. "Lily?"
She doesn't appear to hear him at first, so he calls her name again, and then, after the third time, she blinks and glances up at him. When he reaches her, he lies his hands on her shoulders.
"Are you okay? You don't look well, Lils," he says, cupping her cheek. Her face doesn't feel warm; actually, she feels a bit cold.
Lily blinks again and swallows before meeting his eyes. She's always had big eyes, Lily has, but they look gigantic right now. Widened to the max, and covered in a thin sheen of tears.
"It's my mum..." Lily mumbles, eyes jumping to the letter in her hand. Sirius' brow quivers as confusion consumes him. When Lily looks at him again, she speaks in a hollow voice. "She's dead."
The moment the words have left her mouth, it's as if they hit her too. Sirius watches as her entire face crumples and her knees give way. He doesn't let her fall far before he's catching her in his arms. They both sort of drop to their knees, except it's Sirius who's holding Lily up as she falls into his arms, clutching onto his shirt like it's her only grip on the world around her.
As Sirius wraps his arms around her and cups the back of her head with his hand, letting her cry into his chest, he lets her words sink in.
Her mum is dead? How did she die?
Was it...
Sirius can't even think it.
He looks over his shoulder and finds Miriam watching them both with wide, fearful eyes. He tries a reassuring smile, but doesn't know if it's convincing.
"Can you fetch McGonagall for me, Ri-Ri?" He asks and Miriam nods before running of in the direction of McGonagall's classroom.
Sirius turns back to face Lily, who is sobbing into his shirt, her entire body trembling beneath his hold. He notices the letter she was holding is now lying crumpled on the floor. He picks it up and scans his eyes across the script.
A small bout of relief hits him as he finds out her mum was not murdered by Death Eaters - mainly because he knows that that would mean the rest of Lily's family would also either be dead or at risk - but it quickly evacuates him as he realises her mum died of a heart attack. His heart pangs in his chest as it strikes him that Lily is now an orphan. Her dad died when she was just a child, and now her mum's gone, too.
Now, the only family she has left, is her horrible sister.
Speaking of, it was Petunia who wrote this letter to her, and she wasn't gentle about it either. In fact, she sounds a bit like she's blaming Lily for not being there during her mother's final moments, as if she could have known.
"Lily," Sirius whispers. She sniffles and glances up at him, her eyes wide and red-rimmed. There are tear tracks down her cheeks and snot coating her upper lip. "Oh, hon, it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. I've got you." He cradles her head in his hands, but that only seems to make her cry harder.
"She's dead," she repeats, her voice croaky. "I-I've got no one left. My family is gone."
"No, no, Lily," Sirius shakes his head. He feels pressure build at the back of his eyes. Watching the pure soul that is Lily Evans break in front of him is just too much to handle. He blinks and he's crying with her. "You've got us. Okay? You've got us and we're not going anywhere." He kisses her forehead and then presses his own against it. "I've got you," he repeats.
The sound of rushed footsteps approaching them causes Sirius to pull away from her slightly. He turns just in time to see McGonagall drop to her knees in a display similar to Sirius' own. He can't help but gape in shock because he has never seen pristine, stern Minnie McGonagall look so... well, motherly. Her eyes land on Lily at first, taking in her heartbroken state, the way she's still clinging to Sirius like if she lets go it'll make it all real. Then, she looks at Sirius.
"Mister Tonks, could you explain please?" Minnie's voice is soft, kinder than he's ever heard it. Usually, when she addresses him, she sounds exasperated.
He simply hands her the letter that was on the floor and allows her to read it. Lily continues to cry, still slumped against Sirius' body.
"I see," McGonagall says after a minute, her frown deeper than it was before. She lies a gentle hand on Lily's shoulder. "Lily, would you like to come with me? My office will give you some privacy."
Sirius is so surprised that McGonagall first-named Lily that he doesn't notice her nod before trying to stand. Not at first. When he does, he gets up and holds his hands out for her to grab. She does.
He keeps an arm wrapped around her arms as they follow McGonagall in the direction of her office. She ends up arranging for Lily to go home using her fireplace and informs her that she will send all of her stuff to her by tonight. Lily nods mutely. She's stopped crying now, but her cheeks are still wet.
Sirius hugs her again before she goes, promising her that he will send her a letter every single day. She doesn't say anything back, just does a tiny nod before turning towards the fireplace. McGonagall says something to her that Sirius can't quite hear and, when Lily's lip starts to quiver again, she reaches forward and hugs her.
When she's gone, Sirius gives Minnie one final smile before taking his leave. He makes his way up to Gryffindor Tower, feeling like a zombie as he goes.
When he reaches the common room, he doesn't notice his friends crowding around him until Remus is cupping his cheek and bending low enough for his face to fall right in front of Sirius'.
"Sirius, what's wrong?"
"Lily went home," Sirius says. He shakes his head, realising that's not enough of an explanation. "Her mum died, so she went home."
"What?" James frowns, sounding panicked. "Is she okay?"
"How do you know?" Mary asks at the same time Marlene says, "What happened?"
"She had a heart attack," Sirius swallows, unsure of how much Lily would want him to say. He doesn't want to overstep, but he also doesn't want everyone to think what he thought - that it was the war. "Her sister sent her a letter. She was... fuck, she was so heartbroken. McGonagall let her go home early for the summer. I said I'd write."
"Oh my god," Remus mumbles.
"I can't believe it," Mary says sadly.
"We should do something," Alice adds.
"Where is she gonna live?" James cuts in. "She can't move in with her sister and that horrible brother-in-law of hers."
"I dunno," Sirius sighs, wishing he had the answers.
James runs a hand through his hair. "I need to go..." He says before marching off towards the portrait and leaving the common room completely.
"Should we go after him?" Peter frowns.
"No, just give him a minute," Remus replies, his eyes stuck to the portrait. "You know how he gets around death."
"Yeah," Peter bites his lip.
Remus wraps his arms around Sirius, who sighs. He needs this hug.
There are too many people dying every day, and it's getting harder and harder to pretend it isn't happening.
***
Wednesday - 25th May, 1977
Lily
It's stupid, but the first thing that crossed Lily's mind when she read Petunia's letter was, I never got to come out.
She knows how incredibly self-centred that thought was. Her mum just died and all she could think of was how neither of her parents would know she liked girls, that she had a girlfriend, that she was in love.
Lily has had a couple of days now to come to terms with the fact that she's an orphan. She's lost both of her parents and she's only seventeen. All she has left of her blood family is Petunia, and she's not so much family as she is a nightmare. So really, Lily hasn't got any family left.
Sirius' words echo through her mind: You've got us and we're not going anywhere. I've got you.
I've got you.
She misses him. She misses all of her friends, and Pandora.
There was no time to say goodbye to anyone but Sirius before she left, and she can't even remember if she actually said goodbye to him. After she told him her mum was dead, everything sort of went blurry, like she was locked in a drug-induced haze. Sirius' words were the only thing that broke through it, that tethered her in some way to the world around her.
If he hadn't been there, she fears she may have lost herself in her grief for longer than she did. She still feels sick with it, the grief.
She wasn't expecting to mourn another parent so soon.
Since returning home a couple of days ago, Lily has been going over memory after memory in her mind from before all of this death happened. Back during the days when her dad was still alive. Back when she and Petunia used to listen to him shred his cherry-red guitar and then took it in turns to have a go at it themselves. Back when they used to go on family camping trips in the woods; back to roasting marshmallows over a bonfire; back to when their parents would send them off to their tent and Petunia would turn on one of their torches and use her hands to create shadows on the ceiling of the tent. Lily would laugh and they would get caught, but Petunia never blamed her for anything back then.
She thinks about how her dad's death broke them; how it made her mother disassociated and her sister quiet.
She wonders how her mum's death will affect her sister. How it will affect her.
There's a knock at her bedroom door, but Lily doesn't bother lifting her head to see who comes through the door when it opens. Petunia always knocks, but she never waits for Lily to let her in, making the knock nullified.
Lily stares up at the crack in her ceiling. Traces the black mould that surrounds it with her eyes. Her mum meant to call someone about that.
Guess she never did, Lily thinks.
Her friends have checked up on her, every single one of them, even her bandmates. Their letters came yesterday. She's expecting one from Sirius today, since he mentioned in his previous letter that he meant it when he said he would write to her every day.
She keeps thinking about the one James wrote her - it was shorter than the others, scribbled like he'd written it quickly.
Lily,
Sirius just told us what happened and I don't even know what to say. I want to say 'I'm sorry', but I know that doesn't do anything. Just know that I'm here, we all are. If you want any of us to come and, I don't know, just spend time with you, then we will. Who cares what Dumbledore says? We'll escape through Godric's tunnels if we have to.
I know you probably don't want to be thinking about this right now, or maybe you're worried about it, but if you don't want to live with your sister, you can come and live with me. Actually, I would love it if you did. My parents wouldn't mind, they always did want more children. I just... I know you don't get along with your sister and I don't want you to think that's your only option.
Don't think this is some sort of pity offer either. Yes, I know exactly how your mind works, Lils. Please, just consider it. I've already asked my parents, even though I know they'll say yes, because I know you won't accept my offer before then.
It's not the same around here without you.
Love,
James.
Last night, when she couldn't sleep, she thought about it, rolled the idea over in her head. She knows she can't stay here for the rest of the summer because she has absolutely no money and neither did her mum.
James is right. Her only options are: live with Petunia and grumbly old Vernon, or move in with the Potters.
She doesn't want to live with her sister, but she doesn't know how she's supposed to just accept James' offer. So, she's decided to wait until his next letter before she answers. She's only responded to the girls', Azalia's, and Remus' letters so far. It's all she could bring herself to do. She'll write Sirius, Peter and Frank back tomorrow. Oh, and her bandmates.
Pandora's letter was the first one she answered.
Lily's just grateful she has all of these people who care about her, even if they are all the way up in Scotland and she's stuck down here in Surrey for the foreseeable future.
Petunia marches into her room and stops at the end of Lily's bed, her hands on her bony little hips. Her face is pinched in that way it always appears to be nowadays. Lily glances at her for a second before moving her eyes back up to the crack in the ceiling.
"Honestly, Lily," Petunia huffs, sounding annoyed. "You need to get up and take a shower. And crack open a window, it smells like damp in here." She stomps over to the window and opens it. When she turns back around and finds Lily in the same position, she tuts. "Get up! The funeral is in an hour and a half, and you're going to help me greet people."
"Okay," Lily mumbles, not moving.
"I don't know why you're acting so depressed. You didn't even like her," Petunia says calmly.
Lily feels a familiar fire flicker to life in her chest. It's been a couple of days since she's felt anything other than the deep, empty pit of nothingness that's consumed her entirely. But, of course, she should have known her sister would be the one to get some sort of emotional reaction out of her that wasn't sadness.
She sits up on her elbows and narrows her eyes at her sister. "She was my mum. Of course, I love her."
Petunia doesn't snap back at Lily like she expects her to. Instead, she raises her eyebrows, a serious expression covering her face. "I said like, not love." Then, she walks out of the room, not even bothering to close the door behind her.
Lily sits up and feels her eyes well with tears, because Petunia's right.
Lily loves her mum, but she didn't like her.
Who could like someone who wasn't even there?
The moment she's had that thought, she's filled with such an immense amount of self-hatred that she feels it churn in her stomach. She runs off towards the bathroom and throws up the last thing she ate - which was the sandwich she forced herself to stomach yesterday lunchtime. Since then, she hasn't had an appetite, and even then she didn't really.
She washes her face off with some cold water and stares at herself in the mirror.
Her mum's green eyes stare back at her.
They look just as dull as Lily remembers them.
***
Tuesday - 31st May, 1977
Regulus
May has come to an end, his deadline has hit, and he still hasn't broken up with James. He knows it makes him a coward, but he just doesn't think he has it in him to break James' heart.
This is the final day he'll have to spend with his friends, his brother, and his James before his entire life goes to shit. Because when seventh year rolls around, Regulus will be marked for life. He won't be this version of himself anymore. He'll be some tainted, warped replica instead.
He's making his way towards the Quidditch pitch right now because he's supposed to be meeting Sirius there. Regulus privately booked the pitch for the two of them, having the power to do so because he's a Captain, so they shouldn't be spotted by anyone.
When Regulus makes it to the pitch, he notices Sirius is laying down in the grass a few dozen feet away. Confused, he makes his way over to his weird, Gryffindor brother.
"What are you doing laying in the dirt?" He arches an eyebrow.
Sirius squints up at him, the sun mostly blinding him. He lifts a hand to block the sun out and grins up at him.
"Getting my tan on," Sirius snickers before rising to his feet.
Regulus blinks. "No one in the history of our family has ever had a tan."
"Really?" Sirius tilts his head to the side, reminding Regulus of his dog form.
"Yeah, I think it's all the inbreeding," Regulus murmurs, shrugging and mounting his broom.
"Ew," Sirius groans, mirroring Regulus' actions and mounting his own broom. "Why do you have to remind me at every possible availability that I'm a product of incest?"
"Because it's funny," Regulus snorts. Then, he soars off into the sky and listens as Sirius mumbles something like, Little shit, before following him.
They fly around for an hour and then, once they're both sweaty and tired, they lie back on their brooms, which hover beside each other in the air. Sirius asks him random little questions that Regulus recognises as him trying to get to know him, and it breaks his heart to think that, in a couple of months, Sirius won't want to know him.
"Hmm... chocolate ice cream or strawberry?"
"Strawberry," Regulus responds.
"Yeah, definitely," Sirius nods, grinning. "Remus would have chosen chocolate."
"I know," Regulus smiles slightly. "He's gonna end up looking like a chocolate frog one day, at the rate he eats them."
Sirius laughs loudly, throwing his head back. Regulus smiles at the sound.
"Cats or dogs?" Sirius asks once he's calmed down.
"Cats," Regulus says with no hesitation whatsoever.
Sirius lets out a noise of offence and then pushes him. Regulus grips his broom tightly between his thighs, but lets the top half of his body fall. His broom dips into a downwards spiral and he lets it look like he's falling towards the floor until the very last minute, before he grabs the end of his broom and angles his broom upwards.
Sirius flies towards him, looking partly worried and partly pissed off.
"You prick, I thought you were about to die," Sirius exclaims, throwing his hands around dramatically.
"I wouldn't have died," Regulus rolls his eyes. "That's what you get for pushing people when they're that high up in the air." He does a little shrug and hops off his broom onto the ground.
"You did it on purpose," Sirius accuses him, also dismounting his broom.
"Yeah," Regulus nods.
Sirius shoves him with his shoulder and Regulus shoves him back. Then, Sirius wraps his arm around Regulus' neck and pulls him into a headlock. He ruffles Regulus' hair with his other hand, whilst Regulus squirms to get away from him, not because he feels uncomfortable. He actually doesn't mind it when Sirius touches him. Maybe it's a brother thing.
"Get off me, you wanker." Regulus pinches Sirius' side, knowing that he's ticklish there, and Sirius instantly jumps away from him, letting out a high-pitched squeal.
"You're such a bitch, Reggie," he huffs.
Regulus pats down his hair, hoping Sirius didn't completely ruin it with his boorishness. "Yeah, and?"
Sirius side-eyes him and smiles. Regulus tries to return it, but when he realises they're getting close to the exit, his heart drops into his stomach. He isn't going to see Sirius again before the train, and that's only if they actually plan to meet on the train before it arrives in London. After that, they won't see each other until they're seventh years, and everything will have changed by then. Sirius won't want Regulus as his brother when they return to Hogwarts.
"Are you okay?" Sirius' smile drops from his face.
"Yeah, just dreading the summer," Regulus murmurs, not wanting to lie.
Clarity fills Sirius' features and he edges closer, softly nudging Regulus' hand with his own. "Wanna meet up in Diagon Alley at some point?"
Regulus looks his brother dead in the eye, at the kindness and the love there. He doesn't deserve that love. Once upon a time, he wouldn't have accepted it, let alone wanted it. Now, he wishes he lived a different life, one where he could openly love his brother back. But he hasn't lived a different life, this is it, this is all he gets. And his time for love is coming to an end.
"Yeah, we'll see," he replies with a small smile, knowing that there will be no 'we'll see'.
That evening, after dinner, the girls come up to their dormitory and they spend the time before curfew together. They're about to go three months without seeing each other. Regulus will see Scarlett, and Evan if he's lucky, but he won't see Pandora, Barty or Dorcas for three months. He doesn't know if they'll even want to be his friends once he has the mark, so he makes this night count.
He listens as Scarlett talks about this book she found in the library that talks about more obscure magical creatures, the lesser known ones. He lets Dorcas rest her head in his lap and finds that it doesn't make him want to crawl out of his skin. Instead, he wants to pull her closer and let her hold him because he's got a feeling she won't forgive him for all he's about to do. He entertains Barty when he starts getting hyper and laughs with him instead of trying to tamper down his amusement like he normally would. When Evan watches Barty with love-filled eyes, Regulus smiles at him. He hopes it works out for them one day.
Pandora is the only one who knows what he plans to do, and he's so grateful that someone does. He hasn't spoken to her about it, not since she told him how many Horcruxes he's going to have to find. He doesn't want to burden her with it, not more than her abilities already has.
Right before the girls leave for the night, Regulus hugs Scarlett and Dorcas, which isn't something he usually does. He looks at Pandora over Dorcas's shoulder and their eyes meet.
She knows this is his way of saying goodbye.
Her eyes well with the tears he can't form himself.
Then, before they go, she hugs him tightly. He squeezes her back and lets his eyes fall shut.
"I love you," she whispers when no one else is listening. "You're going to be okay, Reggie."
When she pulls away from him, she smiles sadly at him before rushing out of the dormitory. He knows that, even if the rest of their friends hate him after this year, she never will. She gets it. He wishes she didn't have to, but she does, and he can't help but be grateful for it.
He goes to the Room of Requirement at eleven o'clock instead of at midnight. James asked if they could meet up an hour earlier tonight, since it's the final night before the summer. Little does he know, it's their final night ever.
Regulus can't break up with him. He can't.
Fuck. He's so selfish.
So, so selfish.
But if being selfish means he gets to be loved by James Potter for another night, then he'll be the most selfish man in the world.
It's been a while since they have argued, which he's grateful for. He would have hated to end the year on a sour note, especially when next year will be ending on such a heart-breaking one.
Regulus doesn't have to wait for very long before James arrives. He's lying on the bed when he does. James kicks his shoes off and climbs into bed with him, encircling him with his arms. Regulus lies against James' hard chest and breathes in the scent of him. He still smells the same, even after all these years. Like the outdoors, something tangy that reminds him of oranges, and candle wax.
They don't have sex and Regulus wishes he could be disappointed about that, but he's not. He doesn't care if they never sleep together again, he just cares that he's never going to get to have James like this again. All comfortable and tucked up in bed, with his arms wrapped around him, and his mouth pressing kisses into Regulus' hair. He'll never again get to trace the veins on the back of James' hands or kiss the inside of his wrists, just over his pulse point.
He'll never get to kiss him again.
His eyes sting and he thinks he might cry.
Finally, he thinks.
But he doesn't.
Maybe his eyes are trying to, but they're not succeeding.
"James?" Regulus whispers.
"Yeah, love?"
"How much do you love me?" It's a weak moment, a stupid question, and his most vulnerable moment. But he has to know. He has to know that James could forgive him one day. Even if he doesn't actually, he needs the hope to keep him going.
"Hm, well..." James taps his chin and Regulus smiles. "You know all of the stars, and all of the planets? All the black holes and the open space? You know our whole galaxy? The universe."
"Yeah?" Regulus replies, raspy-voiced.
"My love for you exceeds that," James presses a small kiss to the tip of his nose. "My love for you knows no bounds. It extends past time and space. I love you so much that it's made me believe in an afterlife, because there's no possible moment in time, even after our deaths, where my love for you doesn't exist." He lifts his hand to cradle Regulus' cheek. "We must be infinite, because my love for you is."
He doesn't know what to do or say, doesn't know how to respond to... all of that. It's more than what he expected, so much more. Once upon a time, he would have called James a liar, would have said there's no such thing as loving someone that much. But it's true because Regulus loves James just as much, if not more.
He wishes he could say it, now more than ever.
But even if he could, it wouldn't be fair.
He can't love James one night and ruin him the next.
So, instead, he kisses him deeply, hoping with every fibre of his being, with every atom that makes him up, that it's enough. That it expresses everything he's feeling and everything he can't tell him. He hopes it says, Please, even though it's selfish to ask, wait for me. Love me enough to forgive me. Don't forget me.
"You don't think I'm a bad person?" He whispers when their lips part.
James' brows furrow in confusion, but he must be able to tell that Regulus doesn't want him to ask questions right now. He needs an answer. And James, as always, provides him with one.
"All I think is that I love you," he responds.
It's not an answer, it's something better.
It's a promise.
Wednesday - 1st June, 1977
As it turns out, Regulus doesn't even get the chance to see Sirius or James once more on the train, because they're staying at Hogwarts for an extra night. The full moon just so happened to fall on the evening after their final night at Hogwarts, and apparently the moons are always easier for Remus when he's at Hogwarts, hence them staying behind.
He wakes up that morning in James' arms and just watches him sleep. He focuses on the way his eyelashes flutter, his lips curving up in a small, soft smile like he's truly happy. His cheeks are tinted pink and his face is glasses-free. He looks so young right now.
They're all so young.
When James wakes up, they stay wrapped around each other for another hour before heading back off to their dorms. Barty and Evan waggle their eyebrows at him and smirk when he comes traipsing in after his night spent elsewhere, but he mostly ignores them because he isn't feeling in the jokey mood right now.
That was the last time he would see James before the end of the year. The next time he sees him, they'll both be seventeen, and Regulus' life will be over. He won't take James down with him - he refuses. So, he'll cut him off, when the time comes.
The next time he sees James, he'll be breaking his heart.
The journey from Scotland to London feels longer somehow, probably because Regulus is dreading the summer more than he ever has in the past. He doesn't want to go back to that house. He doesn't want to have to spend the next three months with no one but his mother and father.
He knows that the moment he steps foot into that house, everything will shift.
It's the beginning of the worse summer of his life.
At the station, he hugs Dorcas and Scarlett goodbye again. They don't think anything of it, though Scarlett does send him an odd look. He slaps Barty on the back and tells him he'll see him in September. He also tells him to write to him if his father does anything really bad to him. Not that Regulus would be able to do anything about it, but he would like to know that his friend is okay. It'll at least make his summer a bit more tolerable.
Kreacher is waiting for him and they apparate back to the front steps of Grimmauld Place. Regulus takes a deep breath before he steps through the threshold.
He'll never be the same after this summer.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Wolfstar are so freaking cute at the beginning of this chapter -- sucks that they're gonna break up ha... ha...
- I love Miriam with my whole soul - she's literally me when I was younger
- Sirius and Lily's friendship is everything to me, you guys don't understand what they mean to me
- I know Lily's pov was kinda short, but it was the perfect length for what needed to be said
- Regulus and Sirius are so cute. Not Regulus just thinking about the fact that it's the last time Sirius will ever willingly see him as his brother though :/
- Regulus' whole pov is just him saying goodbye to everyone without them realising it -- I'm so sorry
- This chapter is called 'Bohemian Rhapsody' because the song is basically a reminder that there is no escape from reality, and I feel like that really resonates with Regulus' mindset at the moment.
- I also rush-edited this chapter because I wanted to get it out on time, so ignore if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes. No, there aren't ha ha... you are mistaken 👀This chapter was supposed to come earlier, but I had no motivation to write I'm ngl. Trying to write this chapter actually stressed me out so much for some reason 😭 but I did it! So enjoy! :) Thanks for being so patient, love you all <3
Chapter 85: Sixth Year: These Days of Our Lives
Notes:
WARNING:
-references to sexual content
-mention of the loss of a parent/grief
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sometimes I get to feelin'
I was back in the old days, long ago
When we were kids, when we were young
Things seemed so perfect, you know
The days were endless, we were crazy, we were young
The sun was always shinin'
We just lived for fun
~ Queen
Wednesday - 8th June, 1977
Remus
It's been just under a week since Remus came home for the summer holidays. He and his friends ended up staying behind for an extra night because of the full moon. The only one missing from the pack had been Lily, who Remus has only heard from once since she went home for her mother's funeral.
He wishes he could be there for her, but he doesn't actually know how he would get to her house. Sure, he knows how to apparate now, but Lily lives in a Muggle neighbourhood, and Remus doesn't trust his abilities enough to successfully apparate without getting caught or making a scene.
So, he's settled with sending her letters every other day, just as the others have.
The only person who's received more than one response from Lily is Sirius, much to Remus' shock.
He knows the two of them are friends, and that they have been for a long time, but it's still strange sometimes to see just how much the two care for each other. He doubts Lily would ever admit it, but he's half-certain that Sirius is her favourite.
Since returning to Wales, Remus hasn't seen any of his Hogwarts friends, but he's seen plenty of his Muggle ones. He misses Sirius like a bird would miss it's wings, were it to suddenly have to live on without them.
Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic. But, in his defence, it has been a week since he saw him.
There's a knock at his front door, so Remus pulls himself up off the couch to answer it. Both of his parents are off at work today, what with it being a weekday. His mam won't let him take any shifts up at the bakery this soon after a full moon, meaning he's been stuck in his house for most of the week.
He smiles when he opens the door and finds Marie, Felix, Cara and Hugo standing on his doorstep.
Over the last year, Marie's hair has grown out quite a bit. It's still cropped relatively short, especially compared to the other girls around the village. It's longer than Alice and Azalia's hair is, though. Her curls are back now, blonde and curving around her ears, making her look younger than she is.
She's wearing shorts and a black jumper made of the thinnest woollen material. It hangs off her frame, looking distressed in a stylish way.
"What on earth are you doing wearing a jumper in this weather?" Remus asks her as he steps aside to allow his friends to come in.
"Says you, Mister all-weather-is-jumper-weather," Marie counters, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Yeah, but I'm insane," Remus says in a tone that suggests that was obvious.
"And so am I," Marie shrugs. She crosses her arms and leans back against the table in the kitchen. "Sanity is overrated."
"Ain't that the truth," Cara mumbles as she passes them and goes right for the fridge. She pulls out a can of Diet Coke and pops the tab before sipping from it. "'Sup, Rem."
"Not much," Remus shrugs. "There's not much to do around here, so I've been binging movies all morning."
"Oh, look how bored he is," Felix snickers, mockingly reaching forward to pinch Remus' cheeks. He swats him away. Felix moves over to Cara and throws one arm over her shoulders, while using the other to pluck the drink out of her hand. He starts gulping it down until Cara snatches it back and starts grumbling about how he's drinking it all.
"I bet he's just restless because he's missing Sirius," Hugo smirks as he moves to stand beside Marie. He wraps an arm around her waist and sinks his hand into the front pocket of her shorts.
"Makes sense," Marie says. "Even I miss Sirius."
"I miss James," Cara adds. "You should invite him 'round again at some point. Sending letters is getting really old."
"How's that feel, mate, knowing your girlfriend's exchanging letters with another guy?" Remus smirks at Felix, who just shrugs.
"I don't mind," Felix smiles down at Cara. "I know she only wants me."
Cara rolls her eyes, but doesn't protest.
"Well, that's gross," Marie grimaces at the couple before turning back to look at Remus. "We're going into town to do some shopping and you're coming with us. You've had your arse glued to that couch all week. Now, come on, Lupin. Up and at 'em." She pushes off from the table and grabs Hugo's hand before heading off towards the front door.
Remus watches the two of them leave and turns to slowly face Cara and Felix.
"I don't have a choice in this, do I?"
"No," Felix shakes his head.
Sighing, Remus goes to find his shoes before following his friends out of the door.
Half-an-hour later, Remus finds himself being shoved into the changing room of one of the charity shops in town, with an armful of clothes.
Apparently he needs "new clothes", according to all of his friends.
Which, okay, fuck them.
But also, they might be right.
Remus stares down at the clothes he's currently wearing and notices the ink stains all over his jeans, the rip in the cuff of one of the legs, and the hole in his shirt.
Sighing, he pulls a t-shirt on that Cara had handed to him. It's black and has an image of a tongue on it. It's a band t-shirt for the Rolling Stones. He's not really listened to much of their music in the past, which he now realises is odd because they're a popular band. He wonders if Sirius knows any of their songs.
He then pulls on a pair of blue jeans that look a bit faded, but in otherwise perfect condition. They're a bit tighter than his usual trousers around his waist and groin area, but not uncomfortably so.
"How's it going in there, Barbie?" Cara calls through the curtain that sections off Remus from the rest of the shop.
Instead of responding, he pulls the curtain back and strides out. He spins around slowly, holding his hands up, to show off his outfit. Felix and Hugo wolf whistle, whilst Marie nods approvingly, and Cara examines him like he's a lab rat.
"I knew those jeans would make your arse look great," Cara nods.
"What ?" Remus' eyes widen.
"What?" Cara stares back at him blankly. "You've got a nice body, you might as well show it off."
Remus stares incredulously at her for a moment before turning his gaze towards Felix, giving him a look that says, Are you hearing this?
"I mean, she's not wrong," Felix steps forward. Then, surprising the bollocks out of Remus, he tilts his head and checks out his backside. "She's right, your arse does look great in these jeans."
"Okay," Remus holds up a hand. "That's enough of that. Stop ogling me, you vultures."
"The outfit's missing something," Cara murmurs to herself as she gazes around the shop, completely ignoring Remus' words. She wanders off and then returns a moment later with a pair of sunglasses, which are slightly oval-shaped and black in colour.
She doesn't ask before placing them on the bridge of his nose and then taking a step back.
"Damn, Remus, you look like a Beatle," Hugo tells him.
"That's what I was just thinking," Marie nods in agreement.
"Alright, outfit one is a success," Cara smiles. "Now, go and change." She points towards the changing room behind them.
"Yes, mother," Remus snorts as he goes to try on more clothes.
He ends up leaving the charity shop with three new t-shirts, a jumper, two pairs of jeans, a pair of shoes that Marie insisted he get, the sunglasses, and a small star earring he found that he's planning to give to Sirius the next time he sees him.
They hang out in town for another couple of hours, getting ice creams and fish and chips, before making their way back home.
When Remus walks through the front door of his house, he finds his mam in the kitchen, humming as she scrapes chopped up vegetables into a wok. She smiles when she spots him and then raises her eyebrows at the bag in his hands, which is so full there's a hole in the plastic.
"You look like you've had a productive day," she says, fiddling with the knobs on the oven.
Remus drops his bag down on the table and walks over to his mam, who opens her arms for him. He folds into them and rests his chin on her head. (He has to duck to do so.)
"Cara forced me to go shopping because apparently my clothes all suck," Remus snorts.
"Well, I can't argue with her there," Hope says, sounding amused as she pokes the part of Remus' t-shirt with a hole in it. "Did you have fun?"
"Yeah," Remus admits as he pulls away from his mother. He smiles down at her. "We went into town and spent the whole day there."
"That sounds lovely, cariad." Hope turns around to face him as Remus makes his way around the table and sits down at one of the chairs. "So, show me what you got then."
Monday - 13th June, 1977
It's safe to say that Remus is pretty fucking nervous for today.
He's going to Cornwall to stay with Sirius for the next couple of days before they both head off to the Potters' for a few nights.
Apparently, Lily is staying there now, since she couldn't live in the house that used to home her family, but would now only home her since her sister lives elsewhere with her husband.
The reason Remus is nervous about today is because, when he last called Sirius, they both decided that it was finally time to tell Sirius' parents about them. They have been dating for over nine months now, and still haven't told Ted or Andy. Mostly because they forgot, but also because they haven't really had the chance.
Remus is supposed to apparate there, and it will be his first time travelling so far. So, he's also sort of shitting himself about that part, too. However, he refuses to take up his father's offer of side-along apparition. Remus is an adult now, he can do this by himself.
So, just before lunchtime, Remus drags his suitcase down the stairs of his house and says goodbye to his parents. He kisses his mam on the cheek and then wanders out to the stables, not wanting to be caught by any nosey Muggles, and apparates.
When he opens his eyes, he gives himself a once over and is relieved to find that he hasn't splinched himself. He even managed to bring his bag along with him, which is a result. He remembers how long it took him to perfect apparating along with larger objects at the start of his apparition lessons.
He looks up and grins as he realises he's made it to the correct destination.
He's ended up in the forest a couple of miles from Sirius' house, right where he was intending to land.
Starting forward, Remus goes to make the journey out of the forest, when he realises he isn't alone. His ears prick up as he listens to the sound of footsteps, the crunch of leaves beneath shoes, coming towards him from behind.
He turns around just in time to catch the person who has just launched themselves at him.
"Moony!" Sirius yells out, almost deafening Remus as he clings to him. His legs are wrapped around Remus' waist, his arms looped around his neck. He presses their foreheads together and brushes his nose against Remus'. "I missed you."
"Missed you, too," Remus chuckles. "What were you doing waiting around in the woods by yourself?"
"I've only been here for about ten minutes," Sirius explains, not making any effort to move away from him. Not that Remus is complaining. He's holding onto Sirius just as tightly as he's holding onto him. "I didn't want you to have to make the walk up to mine by yourself."
"That and if you jumped into my arms like this in front of your parents, they'd get the message before we even got the chance to tell them," Remus raises an eyebrow.
Sirius' bluey-silver eyes twinkle as he grins. "Maybe."
He closes the space between them by claiming Remus' lips with his own. Remus steps forward until he's pressing Sirius against a tree, keeping him in his arms with his firm hands planted beneath Sirius' thighs.
"God, I missed you," Sirius groans into his mouth, his hands digging into the hair at the back of Remus' head. He tugs the strands between his fingers, causing Remus to let out a low growling sound that he's sure came right from Moony.
"Me too. My friends were starting to call me insufferable because of it," Remus mumbles. He latches his mouth onto the edge of Sirius' jaw, pressing warm kisses to his smooth skin. He noses at Sirius' wavy hair and breathes in the familiar scent of him. He feels as Moony skips around inside of him, ecstatic to be this close to this boy again.
One of Sirius' hands slips beneath the top of Remus' shirt, gliding down the plains of his back. He digs his nails into his skin and drags them upwards, making Remus groan against his neck.
"Fuck, we can't have sex in a forest, Sirius."
"Why not?" Sirius actually whines.
God, he's going to be the death of him.
"Because... because..." Remus loses his train of thought the moment Sirius' hand in his hair pulls hard enough to tilt his head back. His mouth falls open as he stares up at the boy in his arms. Sirius stares right back at him with dark eyes.
"Because?" Sirius whispers against his lips, eyelashes fluttering in a way that makes Remus' body heat up with desire.
"Because I..." Remus starts, but then Sirius is kissing his jaw, tonguing at the skin beneath his ear. He nibbles Remus' earlobe and then whispers something into his ear that makes Remus' resolve crumble.
"I want you, Moony." His breath is warm against Remus' skin, making him shudder. "Now."
Remus exhales slowly, hoping it'll help him ground himself, but it doesn't work. It's simply impossible to think of anything but the boy in his arms.
"Fuck it."
He thrusts his hips upwards and feels the friction that sparks to life between them. Sirius lets out a sinful noise that has Remus' knees almost buckling. Sirius presses down against him, matching Remus' rhythm. Their mouths meet, but instead of kissing, they let out their breathless moans against each other's lips.
An hour later finds them walking through the front door of Sirius' parents' shop. Remus ended up having to change into a new shirt after the one he had been wearing previously got grass-stained.
They make their way through the empty shop and up towards the house. Right before Sirius steps through the doorway to the living room, he smirks at Remus over his shoulder and squeezes his hand once more.
"Mum, dad! Remus is here," Sirius shouts through the house.
However, instead of Sirius' parents appearing in the doorway of the kitchen, like Remus expected, a small child comes running into the room. She's short, small enough that she must only reach up to his thigh in height, and is sporting bright blue hair that has been styled into pigtails.
She runs straight over to Sirius and wraps her arms around his knees, looking up at him with wide, brown eyes that are full of adoration.
"Sirius!" She yells out, her lisp prominent.
"Hey there, little one," Sirius grins down at her and picks the girl up, holding her in his arms. "Where's mum and dad at?"
"Mum is making food and dad is cleaning your room."
Sirius' eyes widen and he blushes as he looks at Remus with a bashful expression. "I swear I tidied it myself."
"Yeah, but your idea of a clean room is my idea of what it would look like if a bull came running through a china shop," Andy announces as she comes strolling through from the kitchen. "So, your dad's up there picking up your laundry and making sure you haven't left anything on the floor that poor Remus will trip over." She raises an eyebrow at Sirius, who just rolls his eyes. Then, she turns her focus onto Remus and grins. "Hello, again. How've you been, Remus?"
"Hey," Remus smiles back, feeling oddly nervous now that Andy isn't just Sirius' mum, but is in fact his boyfriend's mother. "I'm alright, can't really complain. How are you?"
"Good, thanks," Andy responds. "Sirius, help Remus with his suitcase, and put your sister down."
Remus turns again to look at Sirius, only to find him dangling Dora upside down. She lets out a loud laugh, her blue hair hanging from her head as gravity takes control.
"You wanna keep Remus company while I go and take his bag upstairs?" Sirius asks his little sister, who nods enthusiastically. "Ha, I knew I could count on you." He places the girl on the floor and ruffles her hair. "Thanks, Dor."
He moves over to Sirius and takes his bag from him before he can protest, before leaving the room. Leaving Remus alone with his sister.
"Hey, Dora," he waves awkwardly at the three(?)-year-old. "I like your hair."
"Really? It's my new favourite colour!" She tells him excitedly. "Sirius said it's his favourite, too. Mum prefers it when I make it purple, but I don't really like that."
"What other colours can you make your hair go?" Remus kneels onto the floor so that he's not craning his neck down to look at the girl.
She smiles up at him, missing a couple of teeth. "All of the colours. White is the hardest, but it's ugly anyway," she shrugs.
Remus chuckles. "What's wrong with white?"
"It's boring," Dora says as if that was clear. "Why would I choose boring when I could choose..." She scrunches her nose up and Remus watches as her hair turns brownish-gold, the exact same hue as his own hair. "Now, I look like you." She grins.
"You do," Remus nods. "Can you make your eyes change, too?"
Dora smiles. Instead of answering him, however, she closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, they're a striking shade of gold.
"Now, they're just like yours," she giggles.
"My eyes aren't gold," Remus frowns.
"They are sometimes when you look at Sirius," Dora says with a knowing voice. Remus has no idea how this tiny child could know anything, or how she could be so observant. He's glad when Sirius comes skipping back through the door a moment later.
"My dad's coming, you wanna do this now? Get it over with?" Sirius asks him as Remus stands up off the floor. He looks down at his sister and smiles softly. "Aw, she looks like you."
"Apparently, my eyes are gold when I look at you," Remus raises his eyebrows.
"Yeah, they are," Sirius blushes and looks down at the floor shyly. "Not always, but a lot of the time."
"Shit, your parents might already know then," Remus grimaces.
"Know what?" Ted asks as he steps into the living room. "Hey, Remus. It's nice to see you again."
"Hey. You too, Ted," Remus grins.
Andy comes walking back into the living room and suddenly Remus feels like he's being closed in. Ted is standing just in front of the doorway leading from the tower, and Andy is standing near the kitchen door, so there's no escape. Not that Remus needs an escape, but he is sort of pissing his pants right now.
Sure, Sirius' parents are fine with him being gay, and they liked Jess. But what if they don't like Sirius being with Remus?
"Dinner should be done in an hour and a half," Andy tells them. "It's a bit of an early one, but I wanted to make sure it was ready in time."
"Mum, dad, can you sit down or something? I need to tell you something," Sirius says. He has one of Dora's tiny hands in one of his.
"Uh, sure," Ted frowns, clearly confused as he makes his way over to the couch. "Does Remus need to sit, too?" He jokes.
"Nah, he's a part of... this," Sirius explains, looking just as anxious as Remus feels.
Andy sits down next to her husband, looking curious and expectant. Her eyes jump from Sirius to Remus, narrowing slightly, before moving back over to her son.
Oh, fuck, does she know?
Is she going to say he can't stay over now?
Maybe she doesn't want her son going out with a werewolf.
Remus feels kind of awkward as he moves to stand beside Sirius and Dora, right in front of their parents, who are perched on the edge of the couch.
"Okay, I'm just gonna come out with it," Sirius says, running a hand through his hair. He drops it by his side and it brushes against Remus'. "We're - Remus and I... well, we're... uh..." Sirius looks at him and Remus smiles. He lets out a slow breath and then scoops up Remus' hand in his, glancing back over at his parents. "Together. We're together."
Remus hesitantly looks at Sirius' parents.
"You mean, you're dating?" Ted asks, tilting his head to the side curiously.
Andy just continues to watch them both with that analysing gaze of hers that makes Remus want to squirm. It's weird, but in this moment he can see the family resemblance between her and, well, Regulus.
They both have that quiet, scary look that means they're measuring you up in their mind.
"Yeah," Sirius breathes out.
"Yay!" Dora jumps up and down. "Sirius has a boyfriend again!"
Sirius looks like he wants to slap his palm to his head. He looks at Remus with an apologetic grimace, but Remus just shrugs it off and tries his best not to laugh.
"Mum?" Sirius turns to his mother, a hopeful look in his eyes.
Andy stands up from the couch and moves over to them. She lays a hand on Sirius' shoulder and the other on Remus'.
"You boys... have no idea how long I have been waiting for you to say that," she says, a grin slowly spreading across her face that has Remus deflating with relief. "It's been so obvious."
"Did everyone know before we did?" Sirius asks him, shaking his head. But he looks happy. He's clearly just as relieved with his parents' reaction as Remus is.
"Apparently," Remus sighs.
"How long?" Sirius questions his mum.
"Since the first time you brought him over," Andy snorts, patting Sirius' cheek. "That hug you gave him the moment he got here gave everything away."
"Well, I had no idea," Ted cuts in from where he's still sitting on the couch. Dora is not sitting in his lap, fiddling with the necklace around Ted's neck. "Clearly, I'm just oblivious."
"Nothing new there then," Andy smirks.
"You know your insults haven't hurt me for years, love," Ted grins as he stands up from the couch, carrying Dora with him. "Actually, they never truly did."
"Yeah, right," Andy crosses her arms.
"I'm being honest. I just had to pretend to be offended to get you to soften for me," Ted winks. "And it worked."
"That's close to emotional manipulation," Andy counters, but there's a glint in her eyes that makes Remus wonder if she likes that. "Why am I... proud?" She tilts her head.
"Just because I'm a Hufflepuff, doesn't mean I can't be cunning, too," Ted grins, stepping closer to his wife.
"Alright, we're gonna go before you two start doing something that'll scar us for life," Sirius announces as he grabs Remus' hand and makes a run for it.
Wednesday - 15th June, 1977
The day after Remus arrived in Cornwall, he and Sirius went down to the beach with Xeno. They ended up spending the entire day there, swapping their time between swimming in the sea, lounging on the sand, and going to the local arcades, where Remus won Sirius a dog teddy that looks somewhat like Padfoot.
He also gave Sirius the star earring he'd found in the charity shop back home, and Sirius hasn't taken it out since.
They're going to James' house today and are planning to stay until Saturday, which means they'll be there for most of the week. Remus is eager to see Lily. He wants to see how she's doing, especially since he hasn't seen her for three weeks now. None of them, other than Sirius, got to say goodbye to her before the summer because she ended up leaving so swiftly. Remus understands why. He can't imagine what he would do if his own mam died. He'd probably crumble up and die right along with her.
They choose to use the Floo network instead of apparating. So, they say goodbye to Sirius' parents and Dora in the living room before zipping off through the fireplace to the Potters'.
When they arrive, James is waiting for them in the sitting room, a great big smile on his face. He greets them and takes their bags before calling Mollie - his house-elf - who appears out of thin air and sends their bags upstairs for them with a click of her fingers.
"Where's Lily at?" Sirius asks James as he pulls away from a hug.
"Yeah, how's she doing?" Remus questions.
James sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He seems to contemplate his answer before shaking his head. "She's not doing well, lads. She doesn't really come out of her room, and whenever I try to check up on her, she doesn't speak much. My parents have tried to coax her out of her room, but nothing's working."
Remus frowns and looks at Sirius, who mirrors his expression with a grim one of his own.
"I mean, she hasn't even touched her guitar for weeks," James continues to ramble, looking a bit like a distressed mother hen. "And she isn't eating much. I don't know what to do. I know she's going through something unimaginable right now, but I want her to take care of herself, but I don't want to push her. It's just..." James bites his bottom lip. "I feel like a bad friend."
"You're not, mate," Sirius attempts to reassure him by patting him on the shoulder. "Lily's just grieving at the moment, so it's expected for you not to know how to help her with that. In a way, we can't really help her with her grief, but we can help by making it a bit bearable."
"Sirius is right," Remus nods. "Come on, let's go up and see her."
"Yeah, okay," James agrees. There's something else weighing him down, Remus can see it in his eyes. He makes a mental note to ask James about it later. Right now, his focus is on Lily.
When they get upstairs, James leads them down the hallway towards the room that Sirius usually occupies when they have all come to stay in the past. It's the one closest to James'.
"Lily," James knocks on the door before slowly opening it. "Remus and Sirius are here. They wanna come and say hello. Is it okay if we come in?"
There's a moment where nothing is said, where the three boys wait outside, the door cracked open just enough for Remus to notice that the room is draped in darkness.
"Yeah, that's okay," Lily calls, her voice small and barely above a whisper.
When they step inside, it takes Remus a moment to spot where Lily actually is. She isn't on her bed like he had expected she would be, nor is she sitting on the armchair in the corner of the room. Instead, she's perched on the window seat, her eyes settled on something through the glass.
She looks... awful.
Her hair is up in a messy bun on top of her head and she looks like she's been wearing the same clothes for the last week. There are dark rings under her eyes that suggest she hasn't been sleeping, and her cheeks are red and blotchy like she hasn't stopped crying since she found out her mum died.
She has her arms wrapped around herself. Remus notices her fingers are clenching the sleeves of the hoodie she's wearing, like she's trying to ground herself.
"Hey, Lils," Sirius says as he steps forward. He moves across the room and sits down on the window seat, right by where Lily's socked feet are settled. "What are you doing?"
"Looking at the sky," Lily murmurs, eyes still trained on the window.
"You doing that for any particular reason or...?" Sirius turns to gaze out the window, too. "You know, sometimes me and Dora play this game where we look up at the sky, and if a pigeon flies by I get a point, but if it's a seagull then she does. Little does she know, seagulls are way more common where we live. So, she always wins." He smiles and glances at Lily again. Her eyes are still settled on the sky, but there's a small upwards tilt to the corner of her lips now.
"I'm not watching the birds," she replies quietly. "I'm waiting for it to rain again."
"Why?"
"My mum liked the rain, and it hasn't... it hasn't rained since she died," Lily frowns. "It's like the world knows she won't be here to see it."
Sirius reaches out and unclenches Lily's fists from around her arms. Remus only now realises that her knuckles are white, as if she's trying to squeeze the life out of herself.
Sirius takes her hands in his. "You know, in some cultures, when it rains after someone's... died, it can be seen as a symbol. It shows that their soul has found peace." He reaches up with one hand and cups Lily's face before softly turning her head so that she's looking at him. "The rain will come, Lily. It might take a minute, but it will rain again."
A tear slips from Lily's eye as she stares at him. Sirius swipes it away with his thumb and then he moves forward. Remus watches as he wraps Lily up in his arms and presses a firm kiss to the top of her head, clearly not caring about the fact that her hair looks unwashed.
Lily presses her cheek against Sirius' shoulder and then looks up, her eyes meeting Remus'. She smiles sadly, her eyelashes clumped with tears.
"Hey, Rem," she croaks.
Remus steps forward and closes the space between them. He kneels by the window seat and cups the side of her face that isn't pressed against Sirius.
"Hey," he smiles at her, his heart breaking in his chest as he watches her expression wobble. "How's my best girl?"
She sniffles and her bottom lip trembles. "Shit," she whispers and then lets out a small laugh.
"Well, that's about to change because we're here now," Sirius tells her, pulling back enough so that he can look her in the eye. "I think we should get you out of this room."
"Why?" She whimpers, like the very thought of leaving is a devastating event.
"Because it's not going to rain with you holed up like this," Sirius says. "And even if it does, what's the point in watching it hit your window? You might as well get out there and experience it."
"But I need a shower and I don't know if I can," Lily whispers, closing her eyes like she's ashamed to admit that.
"You can, you can do anything. You're Lily freaking Evans," Sirius declares, leaving no room for argument. "If you want, I can help set you up in there, and then all you've gotta do is get all nice and clean, and we'll all be waiting for you out here. Then, we can hang out and Remus can tell you all about how his Muggle friends forced him to go on a shopping spree."
"Oi, you said you'd never bring that up again," Remus argues, but it's half-hearted. He'll talk about anything if it gets Lily smiling again.
"Yeah, and then they started ogling his arse in these new jeans he got," Sirius carries on, ignoring Remus completely. "Honestly, I can't even blame them."
Lily lets out a small laugh as she watches the two of them. "Even Felix?"
Remus sighs. "Even Felix."
Her smile broadens slightly. "I missed you guys."
"We missed you, too, Lils," Remus smiles.
"Come on, let's get you up and washed," Sirius instructs as he stands up from the window seat. Remus moves out of the way and crosses the room to stand with James, who has been watching on with warm eyes. They both watch as Sirius pulls Lily up from her seat before pulling her towards the bathroom.
"Wow, you guys really are magic," James chuckles.
"Not me. Sirius. He's an idiot sometimes, but he always knows what to say."
A few minutes later, Sirius exits the bathroom and gives them both a thumbs up that tells them Lily is in the shower.
They all wait for her to finish, catching up in the meantime. By the time she comes out, half-an-hour has passed, and the three boys are sprawled out on her bed. She looks at them all with an unimpressed expression, her hands on her hips.
"What're you all doing on my bed, you weirdos?" She tuts.
She's dressed now, wearing a red, long-sleeved top and black jeans. Her hair is a wet mess, flopping around her head, looking a few shades darker than usual because of it.
"We were getting comfortable for when you came out," Sirius says with a wink. He flicks his hair over his shoulder and rests one of his hands on his hip.
Lily blinks. "Yeah... no." She goes over to the door and walks out of the room, leaving the three boys alone.
"Well, that was one way to get her out of her room," James snorts.
"Why are you winking at the poor girl?" Remus tuts.
"What, are you jealous?" Sirius grins, poking Remus' chest. "I can wink at you, if you want."
Remus stares at his boyfriend for about two seconds before jumping up off the bed. "What was that Lily?" He cups his hand around his ear, not actually hearing anything. "Yeah, I'm coming."
He hurries out of the room, snickering as he hears Sirius let out a noise of offence, followed by James' laughter.
The three of them find Lily in the kitchen, sitting at the table with her hands wrapped around a cup of tea.
"So, what are we doing?" She asks them, sipping her drink slowly.
"Well, I was thinking we could go out into the Muggle town down the road and see if they have any pubs open," James suggests as he takes the seat beside Lily's at the table. "Would you be up for that?"
"Alcohol?" Lily ponders on this for a moment. "Fuck it, yeah, I'm in."
"Yeah!" Sirius cheers.
"We could go now," Remus suggests as he looks up at the clock hanging on the wall. "It's after eight."
"Yeah, okay," Lily nods. She guzzles down the rest of her tea and then pulls her wand out and casts a drying charm on her hair. "Let's go."
It takes them a while to actually locate a pub because James has apparently never actually been to one before. When they do find it, Sirius points out the chalkboard outside that tells them tonight there's a pub quiz starting at nine o'clock.
"It starts in five minutes," he shrugs. "You guys wanna do it?"
"Sure, but if the questions are about the Muggle world, then I'm not gonna be of much help," James grimaces.
"Don't worry, you can help if they have a music category," Lily says, looping her arm through his before stepping into the pub.
Two hours later finds them tipsy and on their way to drunk, three quarters way through the quiz, with Lily and Sirius answering most of the questions. Their team name is 'Trixie's Bitches' - which was Sirius' suggestion.
Lily and Sirius are currently huddled over their piece of paper where they're writing their answers. They're both giggling between themselves about something. Lily has a bottle of cider in one hand, whilst her other is slung over Sirius' shoulder.
James is slumped back in his chair, looking pleasantly buzzed as he stares up at each of them with a dopey grin. Remus is sitting next to him in the booth, nursing a double vodka lemonade in his hands. He's been drinking them all night, so he's feeling pretty pissed already. Lily and James have been cycling through ciders and beers all night, whereas Sirius has been drinking shots or stealing Remus' drinks and sipping from them until they're half gone.
"Oh! Oh! I know this one," Lily slurs. She wraps her hand around Sirius' chin and turns his head so that he's facing her. She stares right into his soul as she says, "Dolly Parton."
"Dolly Parton?" Sirius checks.
"Dolly. Parton." Lily repeats, her tone more certain than Remus has ever heard it outside of exams.
"Dolly Parton it is," Sirius whispers, scribbling down the answer.
"Prongs," Remus nudges James' arm with his elbow, "is it just me, or do they look like they're the couple in this booth?"
James turns his unfocused eyes towards Lily and Sirius, who are giggling again. He tilts his head to the side, swaying drunkenly in his seat.
"You know what, Moons, you've got a point there," James pats him on the shoulder. "Sorry, but I think Lily's stolen your man."
Remus can't help it, he bursts out laughing and James follows him. When Lily and Sirius ask them what they're laughing about, they just chuckle louder until they're practically crying.
In the end, they come sixteenth in the pub quiz, but none of them mind. They get a free round of lagers for participating and Lily and Sirius view this as a prize.
When they find themselves leaving the pub an hour later, James and Sirius have their arms draped over each others' shoulders as they stumble out onto the street. Remus has an arm around Lily's waist and she has one slung over his shoulder. She laughs as she watches James and Sirius do some kind of dance that looks vaguely like the gavotte.
Remus is just glad to see her smiling again.
"Oh my god!" Sirius yells out suddenly, turning and dislodging himself from beneath James' arm. He stares up at the sky. "Lily! Lily ! Look!"
Lily does. She tilts her head back and stares up at the sky just in time for it to start pissing it down. Remus watches as the droplets hit her freckles and slide down her face. She smiles up at the sky, her eyes suddenly sober.
"It's raining," she grins.
"It's raining!" James announces. He rushes over to Lily and picks her up by the waist before chucking her over his shoulder and spinning them both around. Lily laughs loudly and it sounds like a fucking miracle.
Sirius makes his way over to Remus and, the moment he's close enough, he leans forward and kisses him, not caring about the downpour that's drenching them.
"Can I get a ride up to James'?" Sirius asks as they pull away from each other, his brow arching.
Remus pretends to roll his eyes. "Come on then."
Grinning, Sirius walks around him and jumps onto his back. "Onwards, my noble wolfman!"
Shaking his head, but smiling to himself all the same, Remus follows the sound of Lily's joyous laughter and the sight of James carrying her through the rain up towards the house.
***
Sunday - 19th June, 1977
James
James has been wearing a smile all summer for Lily and for his friends. He's been trying to pretend that he's fine. That he isn't crumbling inside.
It's been almost three weeks since the summer started and he hasn't heard from Regulus once. He's written in his notebook every single night, knowing that's when Regulus can get to it easiest, but he hasn't had a response. Not once.
When he mentioned this to Sirius a couple of days ago, Sirius said that he hasn't heard from him either, but that he just assumed Regulus might not have gotten the chance to write back yet. James had then explained that Regulus has never gone this long without writing him back before, which then made Sirius grow worried, too.
Originally, James thought he might have done something wrong. He's gone over the final night before the summer about a billion times, but he can't think of anything. He doesn't think Regulus is mad at him - and if he is, then he has no idea why.
But then, when he found out Regulus has been ignoring Sirius all summer, too, he thought maybe this isn't his fault. Maybe Regulus lost his bags at the train station. Maybe he can't find his notebooks - or worse, maybe his mother found them and he's in trouble.
James has considered writing to Evan or Scarlett, since they both usually see Regulus over the holidays that they aren't at school, but he doesn't want to disturb them or potentially get them in trouble. So, he hasn't written them. He hasn't written anyone.
It's been in the forefront of his mind all summer, but, for the first time since Regulus' responses stopped coming, it's in the back of his mind. Because he has other things to focus on today, things he can actually control.
Today, he's going with Lily to her childhood home to help her sister go through all of their possessions - including their mother's - to see what they want to keep and what they want to say goodbye to.
It's going to be a hard day and Lily needs James to be one-hundred percent there for her, so he will be.
They have breakfast early, just the two of them because James' parents are out. They have been spending a lot of their time out of the house this summer, and James has been trying his best not to think about it. He knows that they won't tell him the truth if he asks, not more than they have already disclosed to him in the past. He knows they're helping Dumbledore with the war effort, but he doesn't know exactly how much danger they're putting themselves in each day, and that stresses him out more than he can handle. Hence why he's been trying his best to not think about it.
They decide to apparate to Lily's house, since they can't use the Floo network, as Lily's Muggle home isn't connected to it. Thankfully, she only lives in Surrey, so it isn't too far of a journey.
James and Lily land in an alleyway a road away from her house, according to Lily. James realises then that he hasn't actually ever been to Lily's house before. He understands why she never invited him over - her sister hates the Wizarding World with a loathing passion and her mother wasn't exactly the best company in the world, based on what James has heard about the woman from Lily.
She leads him through her Muggle neighbourhood and James can't help but be mesmerised by the simplicity of it all. Each house on Lily's road are identical, block houses with a matching patch of grass outside each building, some decorated differently to others. James' favourite is the one across from Lily's house; there's a plastic flamingo sticking out of the ground beside a mini, stone fountain that has carved cherubs on it.
The small garden outside Lily's house looks unkempt compared to the one across the street. The grass is a poor yellow colour and the flowers that once grew in pots below the front window are now shrivelled and dead.
Lily unlocks the gate in front of her house, it squeaks when she pushes it open. She walks up the stone path towards the front door, hesitating slightly as she reaches it.
James follows her and rests a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Take your time, okay, Lils? Your sister said we've got the rest of the day. There's no rush."
She nods faintly, her eyes locked on the white door like it's going to swing itself open and force her to enter the house before she's ready.
Startling them both, the door does fly open. Except, it doesn't open by itself. Standing across from them, in a hideous grey cardigan and matching pencil skirt is a woman who looks somewhat like Lily. They have the same shaped faces, both with angular jaws and small, pointy noses that poke up like a pixie's. However, the similarities between the two girls end there. Where Lily has red hair, this woman has bright blonde hair that has been pulled out of her face with a clip, making her look more stern than she already does. Her eyes are bright blue instead of green like Lily's.
Still, James can tell this is her sister.
"Oh, my," the woman shrieks, clutching her chest with one hand whilst holding what looks like a bin bag in her other. "What are you doing lurking outside the door, Lily? You startled me."
"Sorry, Petunia" Lily mumbles, watching her sister with dead eyes.
Petunia's eyes narrow on her sister's face before falling to where James' hand is resting on Lily's shoulder. She looks up at him with a heated glare, her eyes travelling speedily down him, disgust evident on her face.
"Who is that?" She snaps out.
James wants to tell her not to speak to Lily in that way, but he doesn't. Petunia is grieving, too, and maybe that's why she's acting so coldly. He knows Petunia hasn't always been the best sister to Lily, but surely this isn't how she usually speaks to her, not when Lily hasn't done anything wrong.
"James Potter," Lily responds, fiddling nervously with the bracelet on her wrist.
"Potter," Petunia spits like James' name is acid on her tongue. "Really, Lily? This is the company you choose to keep? Look at him." She gestures to the backwards cap on top of James' head and then points at his outfit - a plain white t-shirt and jeans. James wanted to dress as Muggle as he could, so as to not make Lily's sister uncomfortable. He knows this is a hard day for her, too.
Still, he can't help but feel offended at her blatant rudeness.
"Enough, Petunia," Lily scowls, glaring daggers at her sister. (Crikey, James hasn't seen her look that mad at someone since Snape made a twat of himself at the end of fifth year.) "James is my friend and his parents have been kind enough to give me somewhere to live, unlike some people." She pointedly looks at her sister then, whose expression flickers so briefly that James almost doesn't catch it. He doesn't think Lily does. For a moment there, Petunia almost looked guilty. "He's just here to help me gather my things, okay?"
Petunia's jaw clenches like she wants to protest, but eventually she just nods stiffly and grumbles out a low, "Fine," before stalking off down the front pathway, bin bag in hand.
"Come on," Lily says, grabbing James' arm and pulling him into the small house. They walk into a narrow corridor with the stairs on the right, a doorway to their left, and another at the end of the corridor. "I think Petunia's working on the living room, since she moved out of her room ages ago. So, we can just head straight up to my room, and then if there's time we'll help her out in the kitchen."
"Anything you want," James tells her with a kind smile.
"Thank you, James, really. You didn't have to come-" Lily starts, but James cuts her off.
"Don't mention it," he says, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. "Come on, let's go get started."
"Lily," Petunia snaps from somewhere behind them. "Do you really think you should be upstairs alone with your boyfriend?" She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at James. "You're only seventeen."
Lily snorts, but her face looks the opposite of amused. "James is not my boyfriend."
"Why is he kissing you then?" Petunia arches a perfectly plucked eyebrow.
"It was on the head," Lily speaks slowly, as if her sister won't understand her if she speaks any faster. "He's my best friend, Tuni."
"Even so, you're too young to have boys in your bedroom. You know mum wouldn't like it."
"For fuck's sake," Lily bursts out, clearly at the end of her rope. "We're just packing up my things. It's not like we're going to start fornicating on the bloody bed!" James' eyes widen at her words, but he isn't uncomfortable by her words. In fact, he finds himself holding off a laugh. "Besides, James is dating someone else, and I have a girlfriend."
Petunia's eyes widen and her expression falters once again for a second before she throws her walls back up. "Fine, do whatever you want." She doesn't look her sister in the eye as she walks past them towards the living room. "Just so you know, Vernon's coming by to help out in a little bit." And with that, Petunia marches off into the living room, leaving the two of them alone.
"Well, that was..." James starts, uncertain of how to finish that sentence.
"Fucked," Lily finishes for him. "Yeah, that's my sister for ya. Come on, let's go before she starts jabbering on about how useless we're being."
As James follows Lily up the stairs, he's finds himself feeling suddenly grateful that he was born an only child.
As it turns out, most of Lily's things consist of books, records, and clothes. So, it doesn't take very long to box it all up. She says her sister is selling her drawers and taking Lily's bed to her own house for her guest room, which Lily has no qualms about.
"It's not like I need the piece of crap," Lily shrugs. "My bed at yours is way better anyway."
When James starts packing away the things on Lily's bookshelf, he makes two separate piles, one for books and one for the trinkets and things on display on the shelves. He packs away the books in a box and leaves the other things for Lily to go through, as he doesn't know what she wants to keep and what she plans to donate.
Before he can move onto packing anything else, however, his eyes snag on a framed photo that had been faced down on the highest shelf, far out of Lily's reach. He picks it up and feels his heart pang at what he finds.
It's a photo of Lily, Petunia and their parents. It must have been taken years ago, because Lily's dad passed away almost ten years ago now. Plus, Lily only looks to be about five or six in the picture, and Petunia doesn't look much older.
Mister and Mrs Evans are standing behind the girls. Lily's dad has his hand around his wife's waist and his head is pressed close to hers as he kisses her temple. Mrs Evans is smiling brightly, her nose scrunched up like she can't stop smiling as she clutches onto her husband's shirt.
What surprises James the most about the photo is that, in front of the two adults, Lily and Petunia are hugging each other. Petunia has both of her arms wrapped around her little sister's shoulders, pulling her as close as humanly possible with the widest beam on her face. Her hair is much lighter than it is now, almost white, contrasting brightly against Lily's red locks. Lily is holding her sister right back, with an enthusiastic smile that James traces with his finger.
They look happy.
It breaks his heart.
James thinks Muggle pictures are better than magical ones. They freeze a moment in time, like a blink that you wouldn't be able to catch any other way. It's imperfect, ragged around the edges, and blurred - just like a memory.
Someone clears their throat behind him and James jumps as he spins on the spot and comes face-to-face with Petunia. When he searches the room, he finds it empty.
Where did Lily go?
"She just popped off to the shop to get some milk for the tea," Petunia explains in a tight voice, apparently having read James' mind. When she looks at him again, her gaze is still uncertain, but it's not as heated as it had been earlier. "Would you like some?"
"Uh..." James realises he's gaping like an idiot and shakes his head. "I'll have some if it's going, thanks."
Petunia just nods and turns to leave, but she stops in the doorway. She looks over her shoulder at him and then down at the picture in his hands. She opens her mouth like she's going to say something, but then hesitates.
"What is it?" James asks kindly. "Go on, you can ask me."
A line forms between the woman's eyebrows like she can't understand why he's being nice to her. She blinks a few times and then steps back into the room. James is shocked when she comes over to stand beside him and holds out her hand.
"May I?"
James hands her the framed photo after wiping the layer of dust off it with the hem of his shirt.
Petunia takes it in her bony hands and stares down at it with a blank expression. Her lips are pressed together, flat, and her eyebrows are no longer furrowed. She almost looks void of expression, but then James notices her eyes. They're full of something like longing or... maybe regret.
"You guys look happy there," James whispers, not wanting to push.
Surprising him again, Petunia clears her throat and says, "Yeah, we were."
"You should keep it," James says, reaching out to gently cup her elbow.
Petunia looks up at him with vulnerable eyes, but then she blinks and any hint of emotion dissipates. She clears her throat again and passes James the photo.
"No, it's the only picture she's got of him," she shakes her head. "I'm going to go and get started on tea. How do you take yours?" As she asks her questions, she stares down at the floor and makes her way back over to the door.
"A splash of milk," James replies.
"Sugar?"
"No, thank you."
Petunia nods and hurries out of the room like her heels are on fire.
James doesn't know what it was like for Lily growing up in this house without her father, with her absent mother, and her mean older sister. He knows it was hard for her, he saw that it was hard for her every time she came back to Hogwarts. But he's starting to think that it wasn't exactly a walk in the park for her sister either. In fact, he's pretty sure Petunia and Lily feel the exact same way about everything that happened to their lives, about all the loss, they've just approached it differently, in the only ways they could to cope. And sure, Petunia pushed Lily away and she shouldn't have, but James thinks he understands.
When he hears Lily return from the shop, he makes his way downstairs to collect his cup of tea. Petunia is busy making them when he enters the kitchen. Lily is leaning on the counter across the kitchen, her arms crossed over her chest as she stares blankly out the window.
Once the tea has been poured, Petunia picks up a cup and passes it to James. When she gives it to him, her lips twist briefly, he thinks it's a smile. Even if it isn't, he can recognise a peace offering for what it is. So, he takes the drink from her hands and smiles back.
"Vernon!" She calls out.
A moment later, a large, beefy man comes barrelling through the kitchen door. His face is the epitome of bothered. His large moustache curves around his frown, similar to the way his eyebrows arch around the lines in his skin. He looks much older than Petunia, but James has a feeling that's just because of his scowl.
His eyes jump over Lily like he couldn't care less about her presence, but they focus in on him. His beady, little eyes narrow, looking far too small on his face in a way that creeps James out a bit.
"Who's this then?" Vernon grumbles, taking his tea from his wife.
"Lily's friend," Petunia responds. "James Potter."
"Potter," Vernon huffs. "Is he one of them?"
Petunia swallows, looking like she's just swallowed something foul. "Yes."
Vernon's top lip curls up in a sneer. "You best get your backside back upstairs, because we don't want to look at you."
James raises his eyebrows but slaps on a smile. He's going to be the bigger man here, even though he clearly isn't. (Okay, low blow, but this man barely fit through the bloody door.)
"Sorry, we haven't met. Your name is?" James holds out a hand.
"Vernon Dursley," the man preens as if his name is something to be proud of. James just thinks it's ugly. "I'm not shaking that."
"It's just a hand," James' smile grows as he wiggles his fingers. "Muggles do have manners, don't they?"
Vernon huffs as if James has just insulted him. "Of course, we do! We- I mean, we're not- Don't call us that! You're vernacular sounds filthy."
"Merlin, I didn't realise blood prejudice could go the other way," James shakes his head and retracts his hand, sliding it calmly into his pocket. He glances at Lily and winks. "Wonder what would happen if we put Vernon here and Amycus Carrow in the same room."
Lily snorts. "Probably world war bloody three."
"What are you even talking about?" Vernon sputters, his face reddening until he looks like a tomato.
"I'm all about equality here, man," James says as he passes Vernon, he pats him on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. One that Vernon clearly detests if the way he shivers away from James is anything to go by. "Muggle, Wizard, Witch, Unicorn - I don't give a damn. We're all the same here, right?"
Petunia is staring at him with startled curiosity, Lily is too busy laughing into her palm to notice, and Vernon is turning more and more purple with every word that leaves James' mouth.
"You know what, in the name of getting along, how about you and I help carry all the heavy stuff into the loading van. What do you say, Vern?" James pats his back again.
"It's Vernon," the man growls. "And no, I want you to stay as far away from me as possible."
"What, so you're gonna make Petunia carry the couch out with you?" James frowns. "She'll break an arm. No offence." James winks at Petunia, who just looks confused now.
"I- I-" Vernon spits out.
"That's a great idea, James," Lily chimes in, grinning like the Cheshire cat. She pushes off from where she was leaning against the counter and walks over to her sister's side. "Tuni and I will wrap up all the good china in bubble wrap while you guys carry out all of the heavy shit."
"Language," Petunia chides.
"Petunia," Vernon practically whines, staring adamantly at his wife.
She sighs. "You don't have to talk to him, just let him help you out with the couch and the table, and then he'll go back upstairs." Her eyes land on James as she raises a stern eyebrow.
"Definitely, I'll do that," James nods.
Vernon looks like he's about to blow a fuse, but he eventually nods stiffly before stomping off into the living room.
"Thanks for the help," James says towards Petunia, grinning at her as he follows her husband into the living room. He hears as Lily asks her sister why she was suddenly treating him so amicably. Petunia says she has no idea what Lily's talking about, and that's all he hears as he enters the living room.
Vernon is standing behind the other end of the sofa, his arms folded across his chest as he glares at James. They're about the same height, so James doesn't feel too intimidated by the man who clearly hates his guts. He is slightly afraid that Vernon might try to drop the couch on him, but if that happens, he'll just have to use his magic, and he knows that'll frighten the man.
James adjusts his cap, pushing his curls away from his forehead, and then cracks his knuckles.
"Alright, how are we gonna do this?"
Instead of responding - or acknowledging - him, Vernon makes a gruff noise and then bends over and picks up his end of the couch. James copies him and soon they have the couch up off the ground. His mind tells him to cast a featherlight charm on the thing, but then he reminds himself that he probably shouldn't be doing that around Muggles, even if they do know about the Wizarding World.
It takes a bit of angling, but they end up making it into the corridor. James almost trips over someone's shoes, which causes Vernon to snap angrily at him, as if it was his fault that someone left their things in the middle of the floor.
When they get outside, James feels the hot sun beam down on him, warming his skin instantly. He notices the sunburn that was already on Vernon's face and wonders if it hurts.
It's even more difficult trying to lift the couch into the moving van, mainly because Vernon keeps pushing the thing into James' sternum. Definitely on purpose, too. He pays it no mind though as he heaves the couch up into the van. Once they're done, he pats Vernon on the back again and almost snickers at the murderous look on the man's face.
Next is the table, and then Petunia asks them to carry the TV unit out, and Vernon looks like he's about to burst.
By the time they've done their bit, Vernon's sunburn has spread from his nose to the rest of his face. It only appears to make his temper worse.
"Where do you want me next?" James asks the sisters as he enters the kitchen. He uses his forearm to wipe at his damp forehead.
"Nowhere. If you're done with Lily's room, then you're no longer needed," Petunia announces in that taut voice of hers. She turns to look at her sister. "You can go now."
"Gee, thanks," Lily rolls her eyes. "I suppose I better not bother asking when I'll see you again." She marches out of the room, passing James swiftly. He hears the front door slam behind her.
Turning to look back at Petunia, he notices the rueful look in her eyes. He wonders if anyone else notices it, because Lily clearly doesn't, and Vernon's probably too eager to hate Lily to notice the fact that his wife doesn't. Not even a little bit.
Taking pity on her, he steps forward and gives her the slip of paper he wrote on earlier after she came in to ask him if he wanted a cup of tea.
"It's my address," James explains, burying his hands into his pockets and shrugging bashfully. "You can send a letter. The Muggle- I mean, the regular postman comes to our house, too. My dad made sure of it. Or, if you want, you can come by for a visit. We don't have a phone, but there's one in the village, so Lily could call you from there if that's something you'd want?"
Petunia stares down at the piece of paper for a long while. When her eyes eventually meet James', she looks apprehensive.
"This is enough," she tells him, tucking it into the pocket of her cardigan. She steps around him and goes for the exit, but before she leaves, she says, "Bye, Potter. Take care of my sister."
"I will," he nods. "I promise."
Petunia swallows, looking anxious, and then she walks out of sight.
When James leaves the house, he finds Lily leaning against the smaller moving van, the one full of her things. They're going to drive back to his, and then the van is going to be picked up tomorrow, which is Monday.
"Are you okay?" James asks her.
Lily's staring up at the house, her eyes locked on her bedroom window. It's no longer shielded by turquoise curtains, ones that Lily told him earlier she hated. Instead, it looks empty now, even from down here.
"I'm okay," she responds eventually.
It's a lie, James knows it is. But he doesn't push her on it. So, instead, he takes her hand in his and squeezes it.
"Come on, let's go home."
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- everyone ogling Remus is so real, he's definitely got the best arse (after James, ofc)
- oblivious Ted is so funny to me
- I really wanna partake in a pub quiz, but I never have before :/
- Regulus has been MIA 👀 I wonder why
- I feel like Petunia would want to hate James because he's a part of the Wizarding World and he's the complete opposite of the people she usually gets along with (he's messy, clumsy, a bit of an idiot sometimes hehe), but she would reluctantly kinda like him. Ofc she would never say it out loud and no one would ever know. But I think the real reason she hated him is because she would see him as the reason why her sister died.
- Also, James provoking Vernon on purpose and just giggling internally about it is so funny to me for some reasonSee you guys next week (or in like 10 days, I'm ngl I've had no motivation to write recently and I don't wanna force myself to write bc it'll come out rly shit, so it might take a bit longer than a week) <3
Chapter 86: Sixth Year: Who Wants to Live Forever
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-mentions of war
-explicit mentions of torture/murder (all the unforgivables)
-arson
-angst (lotttttssss of angst - I'm so sorry in advance)
- brief mention of blood
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment
Set aside for us
~ Queen
Saturday - 2nd July, 1977
Sirius
He wakes up in the woods behind Potter manor to the sound of James whispering his name. There's a sharp poke to his cheek that startles him enough to open his eyes.
James comes into view, no longer a stag like he had been the night before. He stares down at Sirius with wide eyes.
"Mate, we've gotta go or my mum's gonna find us out here," James tells him, his voice urgent.
Sirius lifts his head up from where it had been resting against Remus' bare chest. He shifts back into his human form and moves to stand in front of Remus' unconscious and bare form. They can't cover him up with anything because Effie will get suspicious and wonder how on earth Remus managed to cover himself up before waking up. So, wanting to preserve some of his boyfriend's dignity, he makes sure James, Lily and Pete can't see him.
"What time is it?" Sirius asks, knuckling his right eye. He notices Lily and Peter standing a couple of metres behind James, whispering between themselves.
"Just gone eight, now come on," James practically commands as he grabs Sirius' wrist and starts pulling him from the forest.
As they hurry to get out of the woods before they're caught, Sirius keeps an ear out for Effie or Monty. No one else has access to this part of the forest, not whilst Effie and Monty's wards are up. The only reason the boys and Lily were able to enter them the night before is because they were animals, and the wards didn't recognise their human forms.
When he hears the sound of a fifth pair of shoes clomping through the forest, Sirius signals for James to stop walking. Lily and Peter notice, too, and halt their footsteps. He holds a finger up to his lips and closes his eyes. He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear as he stretches to listen.
"Fuck, it's your mum," Sirius whispers, turning to James. "She's getting closer - we need to hide."
Without any planning, they all turn tail and start sprinting off towards the west side of the forest. If Sirius is correct, Effie is making her way from the south side, and Remus is somewhere off to the north, so they can't go that way.
Peter transforms into a rat and Sirius follows his lead. If Effie uses a revealing spell to locate Remus, she might discover them all, too. Lily appears to have this thought at the same time as he does because she instantly shifts into her lioness form. James copies them.
They continue to run off through the trees until Sirius is certain that they're far away enough not to get caught. When he stops, the other three do as well. They turn to him, as if waiting to see what they should do next. He makes a small sniffing noise and lifts a paw to point towards the south. If they go that way, they'll end up having to walk up the back path behind the neighbours' houses to reach James' garden, which means they'll have to be quick.
Quick enough to beat Effie back.
The other three must be thinking the same way as he is because they all start running again, understanding that they have no time to lose.
By the time they make it to the Potters' garden, the sun is bright and shining down on them, not quite at it's highest point in the sky yet. They hurry through the garden and only shift back into their human forms when they reach James' house.
"Dad might be in the kitchen, so we can't risk going through the back door," James explains. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, probably from all the running.
"Drainpipe it is then," Peter declares, cracking his knuckles before stepping forwards. He locks his hands and offers it to Lily, who uses Pete's joined hands as a step. She manages to make it through the bathroom quickly, followed by Sirius, and then Peter himself. James is the tallest of them, so he doesn't need a step-up.
They all part and go to their separate rooms. Luckily, they aren't caught.
Sirius has a shower in the en suite attached to his temporary bedroom and then gets dressed for the day. He doesn't bother putting anything too nice on, just a comfortable outfit, knowing that they'll probably spend the entire day in the house with Remus as he recovers from the night before.
By the time he makes it out of his room and downstairs for breakfast, it's almost ten o'clock in the morning. Monty and James are both sitting at the small, circular table when he walks into the kitchen. Sirius knows Lily and Peter will probably get a couple of hours extra sleep after the long night, but Sirius and James usually can't once they've already woken up.
"Morning, Sirius," Monty smiles up at him from over his newspaper.
"Morning, Mont," Sirius grins, grabbing a cupcake from the tray on the counter. Effie must have baked them this morning. He wonders if she couldn't sleep last night because of the full moon, if she worries about Remus just as much as the rest of them do.
He drops down into the seat beside James, the one in front of the window, and starts peeling the wrapper off his cupcake.
"Did Effie say how Remus is doing?" Sirius asks the man, sharing a subtle look with James.
"No new cuts or scars, just a few scrapes," Monty tells him with a gentle smile. "Effie mentioned he had a little trouble with one of his knees, but that's to be expected, so she gave him a pain potion. He's sleeping at the moment, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind you going up and checking on him once you've eaten your breakfast. So long as you don't disrupt his rest, of course."
"Of course," Sirius smiles. "I'm glad he's okay. Moony must really like the woods around here."
"Alright, boys," Monty starts, placing his folded paper down on the table and pushing his glasses further up his nose. "I'll leave you to it then." He stands up from the table and walks across the room.
"Dad?" James calls.
"Yeah, James?" Monty turns around and leans against the doorframe.
"You're not... Are you going anywhere today? Or are you staying?" James frowns as he asks his questions and Sirius can't help but be curious. He knows that James' parents have been out of the house a lot this summer because James and Lily were telling him, Peter and Remus about it yesterday when they arrived.
"I have a couple of errands to run for Albus," Monty answers honestly. Sirius wonders if it's because the two boys are now technically adults, or if he just trust James enough to tell him the truth. "But I should be back in time for tea. Your mother is staying home to keep an eye out on Remus."
"Okay," James nods. "Be safe, yeah?"
"Always," Monty smiles before pushing himself off the doorframe and leaving the two boys to themselves.
"He'll be okay, James," Sirius says after a minute of watching James stare at the empty spot his father had been standing in. "Hey, uh, James, can we talk?"
Finally, James blinks and turns back to Sirius. "Of course, what's up?"
"It's about Regulus," Sirius whispers. "But, I don't want Pete to hear because he doesn't know about you two, so can we go upstairs?"
"Yeah," James nods, pushing his chair away from the table. "Bring your cake, you should eat something."
Sirius does, even though he no longer feels like eating anything. Not even if it is Effie's delicious cupcakes.
They go to James' room and Sirius situates himself on the bed, getting comfortable with a pillow behind his back against the headboard. James sits at the end of his bed, picking apart his own cupcake, his second of the morning.
"Has he written you back yet?" Sirius asks, taking a small nibble of his cake.
"No, he hasn't. And I've been thinking about it... Even if his mother did find the notebooks, there's a spell on them that hides the writing from others. Regulus put it on them after you found it that one time," James explains, sending him a look. Sirius snorts. "So, it can't be that he doesn't have access to it, which means..."
"He's ignoring us," Sirius says.
James rubs his eyes, dislodging his glasses. "I don't understand."
"Did he say anything to you at the end of term?"
"No," James croaks out, sounding like he might cry. He readjusts his glasses and then jumps to his feet. Sirius watches him pace in front of his window, watches him pick at his cuticles, which is something James hasn't done for years. "He was acting a bit weird all year, I guess, but I thought we got past that."
"What do you mean by 'acting weird'?" Sirius cocks his head.
"More... secretive, I suppose. He just seemed a bit like he was hiding something from me, but I could never figure out what it was. Mostly, it was fine, but he always started acting all shady whenever I brought up the future," James explains rampantly. "I thought he might want to break up, but if that was true, then why didn't he? Why did he spend the last night of the year with me if that's what he wanted?"
"I don't think he wants to break up with you, James," Sirius says. His words seem to make something click in his mind. "Maybe that's it. Maybe, he doesn't want to break up with you, but he feels like he has to..."
"You mean, like, his mother might be making him? Surely not. If she knew, she would..." James blinks harshly. "Fuck, she'd probably kill him," his voice cracks as his eyes widen. "You don't think...?"
"No," Sirius shakes his head adamantly, wanting to dismiss James' horrifying thought as soon as possible. "Absolutely not. He's fine, James, he has to be. She can't know. But, maybe, Regulus is afraid that she might find out and that's why he started acting distant. He might just be worried."
"That still doesn't answer why he would be ignoring you, too," James responds. "Or why he would just stop writing to me without telling me why first." He drops down onto his window seat and lowers his head into his hands. "He used to tell me everything."
It's whispered, barely audible over his own breathing. Sirius thinks that if he weren't an Animagus, he wouldn't have even heard James' words.
"I'm going to go and get my notebook and see if he's written back yet," Sirius says, wanting to give James a minute of privacy. He already knows Regulus hasn't written him back. It's been almost five weeks since summer started and they haven't heard back from him once. Sirius doubts they will before September rolls around.
He returns to James' room five minutes later, notebook in hand. James hasn't moved from the position Sirius left him in, but he does look slightly calmer now. He looks up when Sirius enters the room and gives him a small, sad smile.
Sirius sits back on James' bed and starts silently flipping through the pages of his notebook. He stares at the old messages he has from over the Christmas and Easter holidays. Little anecdotes about Regulus' days and answers to the random questions Sirius would ask him.
I don't know about you but I love Christmas
I prefer Halloween. Mostly because I'm not
required to come home for that holiday.
Halloween is definitely a close second.
Although, I do love Valentine's Day, too
That's so sappy
Not because of all the lovey-dovey shit,
but because of the pranking tradition
Oh, of course, how could I forget?
It was so funny that year when you
sneezed on that heart bubble
How do you even remember that?
It was hilarious at the time, so I obviously
kept the memory locked away in my box
of 'annoying Regulus' memories
Shut up. Now, do you have any other
stupid questions for me, or can I go to my
ball now?
'My ball' - you sound like a snob
I am a snob.
True
So, any questions? Hurry up, Kreacher
is going to pop up to fetch me at any
moment
Who the hell is Kreacher?
My house-elf... I suppose he would have
been yours at some point, too. He might
still be. I don't know how house-elf magic
works
I might have a house-elf? Cool
Not so cool when he's glaring at you (which
is what he's doing to me right now).
I have to go
Okay! Talk soon
Sirius closes the notebook and looks across the room at James, who is busy staring out of the window with a pondering expression on his face. He must sense Sirius' eyes on him because a second later, he blinks and turns to look at him.
"I think I have an idea," Sirius tells him.
Ten minutes later finds Sirius in his own room once again, with James waiting in his own bedroom. If this plan works, then he can't risk James being seen.
He's nervous that, if this works, it might go badly for him, too. But he knows he has to do this, for Regulus. He needs to know that his brother is okay in that house, and this is the only way he can think of doing that without risking anyone else. If he writes to Evan or Scarlett, there's a chance their parents would find out and punish them for it.
This is the only way he can think of.
Taking a deep breath, Sirius braces himself for what he's about to do.
"Uh, Kreacher? Could you come here... please?"
Sirius waits, anticipation eating away at him. There's a massive chance this won't work. He's no longer a part of the Black family legally, which means he probably isn't magically, right? According to Regulus he's no longer on the family tree. So, this plan is probably the most idiotic idea he's ever had-
There's a loud crack that makes him flinch and he half expects to see Mollie standing in front of him. Or maybe the ceiling just caved in on him and that's what the noise was.
However, when he looks down and finds a scraggly-looking, old house-elf standing a few feet in front of him, he almost falls backwards. The house-elf is wearing what looks like a pillowcase, it looks to be in somewhat good condition, especially compared to some other house-elves he's seen in the past. There's grey hair sprouting out of the thing's floppy ears and growing on his saggy chin like whiskers. He's staring up at Sirius with wide, black eyes.
The two gawk at each other, both disbelieving of the other's existence.
"Kreacher?" Sirius asks slowly.
"Yes, Master..." Kreacher looks thoroughly confused, and, honestly? Sirius doesn't blame him.
"My name's... Actually, if I tell you who I am, you have to promise not to tell anyone I summoned you. Not any of your other masters... or your mistress," Sirius tells him. He doesn't exactly feel comfortable with the power imbalance here, but he knows this is his only chance of finding out if Regulus is okay. He has to do this, no matter how morally wrong this may be.
"Yes, Master," Kreacher nods.
"You don't have to call me Master," Sirius mumbles. He shakes his head. "Okay, here it goes..." He swallows. "My name is Sirius."
And, fuck, he's done it. There's no turning back now. He hopes he can trust this elf that Regulus is so fond of. He's risking himself right now, but he wouldn't take it back if he could. This is for Regulus.
Kreacher looks like he's stuck between bursting into tears, running away, or dropping to the ground in shock.
"I know, I shouldn't know who you are and I probably shouldn't have summoned you," Sirius explains in a hurried whisper. He cast a soundproof spell around his room and a locking charm on the door, so no one else should be able to hear him or get in, but he still feels the need to be careful. "But this is important. This is about Regulus."
That seems to take Kreacher aback. "You- You know about Master Regulus?"
"Yeah, but it's a secret," Sirius presses, hoping Kreacher will understand that he needs to keep his mouth shut about this when he returns back home. "If you tell Regulus' mother, she'll hurt him and you know it, so you can't tell anyone. You won't tell anyone that we know of each other."
"Yes, Master Sirius," Kreacher croaks.
"You don't need to- Never mind, that's not important." Sirius runs a hand through his hair. "I need to know if Regulus is okay."
"Regulus?"
"Yes, he hasn't... I have a bad feeling. Is he alright? They haven't been hurting him, have they?" Sirius questions quickly.
Kreacher looks overwhelmed by all of the questions. He flinches like each question hurts him.
"Master Regulus is... he is... Kreacher isn't supposed to talk about this." The small elf shakes his head rapidly, fear bleeding into those small eyes of his.
"Please," Sirius begs, dropping onto his knees so that he can properly look Kreacher in the eye. "I just need to know that he's safe."
"Master Sirius cares about Regulus?" Kreacher asks, looking curious. For the first time since he arrived, the fear he'd been sporting like a sash has gone.
"A lot," Sirius nods. "He's my little brother."
Kreacher lets out a stuttering breath and his eyes sheen over. "Mistress would have my head if she knew I was here, but what would she do to Regulus? Oh, Regulus..." Kreacher wails. "He is to meant to be not knowing you. He is going to be being in so much trouble!"
"Not in you don't tell," Sirius says, reaching out to take Kreacher's hand. The elf looks shocked by the action, which promptly distracts him from his own cries. "Is he okay? Tell me, Kreacher."
"Regulus is being as well as he can," Kreacher whispers, a tear slides down his wrinkled cheek. "He is training with his cousin and acting like the heir my Mistress expects him to be."
"Is he safe ?"
Kreacher sighs. "That boy has never been safe a day in his life."
When Sirius blanches, Kreacher adds, "There is nothing we can be doing, Master Sirius. You is not to risk yourself, they will kill you. You will see Regulus at Hogwarts."
"Okay," Sirius sighs, knowing he won't get any more out of the elf. "Can you make sure he's eating? Sometimes, he forgets."
"I is always doing so already, Sirius," Kreacher tells him.
"Hey, you didn't say Master that time," Sirius smiles.
"Sometimes, I is not listening to my Mistress just as Regulus is not when he is talking to his secret brother," Kreacher gives him this cheeky, little smirk that makes Sirius laugh.
"You know, Regulus told me a lot about you," Sirius says. "He said you're his best friend."
Kreacher's eyes well with tears again. "He is mine."
He pulls his hand away from Sirius' then and takes a cautious step back.
"I must be going, or Mistress might notice I am gone."
"Alright," Sirius nods. "Thank you for helping me, Kreacher. It was very nice to meet you."
Kreacher looks bashful as he mumbles, "It is being my honour, sir."
Then, he vanishes.
When he goes back to James' room, he tells him everything Kreacher said, and James' first question is the one swirling around inside of Sirius' head, too.
"What did he mean by Regulus' cousin is 'training' him?"
"I don't know. I kind of got the impression he wasn't allowed to tell me, which means it's probably nothing good," Sirius murmurs as he thinks. "At least, we know he's safe. And alive."
James doesn't say anything else. He just looks at Sirius with a face that says, Knowing that isn't enough. And Sirius agrees with him. He thinks of Kreacher's words.
That boy has never been safe a day in his life.
He thinks he would do anything to change that.
Anything.
***
Thursday - 7th July, 1977
Regulus
His summer has been just as eventful as Easter was.
Over the last several weeks, Bellatrix has shown up at Grimmauld four times a week to continue "training" him. He's spent more of his summer in the basement than he has out of it.
Kreacher took him to Diagon Alley a couple of weeks ago after Regulus got permission from his mother to go. He used to excuse that he wanted to update his school books early this summer, so he could have a head start for his N.E.W.Ts.
Really, he just wanted to go into Knockturn alley and buy some veritaserum without his mother finding out. He couldn't go to a regular apothecary without the risk of the workers behind the counter, or anyone else who could be listening, running their mouths.
Kreacher didn't question him once Regulus ordered him not to. He felt bad doing so, but knew it was necessary.
He needs to train himself how to grow immune to potions such as veritaserum, so that if anyone ever tries to use it against him, like the Dark Lord, he'll be able to fight it. He can't go around spilling his secrets to anyone - about his mission, or about James.
Speaking of James.
Regulus hasn't spoken to him all summer and he fucking misses him. Salazar, he misses him so much. He knows James has written him every day, even now, weeks after summer started. Regulus hasn't written him back once, nor has he spoken to Sirius. He refuses to talk to them, knowing that he'd have to keep up his façade again.
The next time he sees them both, he will be a Death Eater. And Regulus knows that neither of them will ever look at him the same again. So, he's going to make it easier for them by cutting them off now. No harm, no foul.
It's over.
All of it.
It was nice having a brother for minute there, and he's glad he got the chance to fall in love. But everything comes to an end, Regulus has always known that.
He just can't believe the end arrived so soon.
One good thing that's come from this summer have been the letters Regulus has received from Barty. Apparently, his father has barely noticed him since he returned home, which is a good thing. Barty is usually only ever in danger if he catches his father's attention. Thankfully, that hasn't happened yet.
Regulus has only been writing back to his friends once a fortnight. He won't allow himself to reach out to them any further, not when he knows he's going to withdrawn next year. He won't have time for his friends, as horrible as that sounds. From now on, he's got to put all of his energy into completing his self-proclaimed mission. Otherwise, giving up James, and giving up Sirius, it would have all been for nothing.
He keeps telling Evan that his mother won't allow him to visit Grimmauld, so he hasn't had to lie straight to his friend's face yet. However, Scarlett has been over a few times since the summer started, and Regulus has had to lie to her.
Mostly, the only company he's had this summer has been from Kreacher and, on occasion, Rabastan.
For some reason, he's under the impression that he and Regulus are friends.
Regulus begs to fucking differ.
Kreacher, on the other hand, has been acting peculiarly all week. Whenever he's in the same room as Regulus, he stares at him like he's never seen him before. There's been a couple instances over the last few days when Kreacher has come up to him as if he's about to tell him something, only to pop away at the last minute.
Regulus has no idea what's going on with him, but he hasn't really had the time to seek him out and ask.
Walburga is out of the house today and isn't expected to arrive home until late in the evening, which is why Regulus is so confused when he hears the sound of the Floo. It's only the early afternoon, so his mother isn't due back for another few hours, at least.
Regulus places his bookmark between the pages of his book and then rises from his seat in the library.
Other than Kreacher, his father is the only other person in the house, but he's mostly bedbound these days. So, Regulus goes to investigate the sound himself.
When he arrives in the sitting room, he's shocked to find Narcissa waiting by the fireplace. Her eyes are on the family portrait of Regulus and his parents, which hangs from the wall opposite the window.
"Good afternoon, Regulus," she turns and smiles at him.
"Narcissa," he nods politely. "Were we expecting you?"
Narcissa narrows her eyes and tilts her head slightly to the side. She seems to be analysing him with her eyes.
"You have changed."
"In what way?" Regulus asks. He gestures for her to take a seat on the couch, and, once she does, he sits down beside her.
"You get it now," Narcissa's voice manages to sound both certain and questioning. Almost like she's sure, but wants Regulus to tell her she's wrong.
"Get what?"
"That we don't have a choice," Narcissa's eyes meet his. "Those of us who care... we don't get to make our own decisions in this family. When we disagree with something, we do it silently, and we just try to survive."
"Yes, well, I grew up," Regulus says, feeling uneasy. Did Narcissa really just come here to look at him and tell him he's becoming something his family would be proud of? Is he supposed to be happy to hear that?
She smiles sadly at him. "I can see that." After another minute of silence shared between them, she asks him if his mother is home and he shakes his head. When she speaks next, her voice drops into a low whisper. "Do you remember what I said to you once? That you can still get out?"
Regulus nods.
"That is still true, Regulus," Narcissa lays a hand on top of his. "It might be too late for me, but it isn't for you."
"Are you telling me to run?" Regulus frowns.
"Not necessarily. However, if you decide to change your mind, even if it is right before they plan to mark you, you should. Do you hear me, Regulus? You should run as fast as you can." Her tone is imploring, like she's more than suggesting he escape this family before it's too late. But, like everyone else in his life, Narcissa doesn't know what Regulus plans to do. She doesn't realise that he can't run.
He's stuck here just like she is, just like his father.
"I would help you, you know," Narcissa adds, squeezing his hand.
Regulus looks down at their joined hands and feels his chest squeeze. He hasn't spoken to her much since he found out she knew about Sirius all along and never told him, but he's coming to realise that, soon, Narcissa will be all he has. His father is dying, he's giving up his boyfriend and his brother, and he has no idea how his friends will feel about him after this summer.
Soon, he might only have Narcissa in his corner, and he can't lose that.
He can't leave himself entirely alone, not if he wants to survive this war.
"I forgive you," he whispers. "For not telling me about Sirius. I- I can't forget that you didn't tell me, and I am still angry about it, but I forgive you, Cissa."
Relief washes over her features and her shoulders relax ever so slightly. "How is he? Sirius, I mean."
Regulus tries to breathe past the sudden tightness in his chest at the thought of his brother. He clenches his jaw and breathes in slowly through his nose.
"He's great," Regulus admits honestly. "He's best friends with James, you know. And he's got a boyfriend," Regulus eyes Narcissa to see her reaction to that. She doesn't look disgusted by the idea of Sirius dating a boy. In fact, she doesn't react at all. "He told me he loves me."
"That's really lovely, Regulus," Narcissa smiles, but it turns sad. "So, why do you look like you're about to cry?"
Regulus chuckles at that. He doubts Narcissa has noticed that he hasn't been able to cry since he was seven. "Because he's going to hate me after this summer. Once I get the mark, he's never going to look at me the same. Neither will James."
"So, why comply?" She asks him in a whisper.
Regulus looks up and meets her eyes, silvery-blue, just like his. "It's the only way."
"Regulus, I don't-"
"How is Lucius?" Regulus interrupts. He doesn't actually care how his cousin-in-law is doing, but he needed to change the subject. "And Nico?"
"Nico's the same as ever. He talks like it's breathing though. I swear to Salazar himself, that boy never closes his mouth," she chuckles fondly. "Lucius," Narcissa sighs, "has been in a bit of a grouchy mood recently."
"Why is that?"
"Well, you didn't hear this from me, but the Dark Lord gave him this task to take care of something for him, and Lucius has been stressing out about it for weeks," Narcissa shakes her head. "He's worried to death that he'll lose it, but I can't think of why. It's safe and sound."
"What do you mean the Dark Lord gave him something to look after?" Regulus arches an eyebrow. "You mean, like, a pet?" Regulus almost laughs at the ridiculous idea.
"No, not a pet," Narcissa bites her lip. "I'm not really sure what it is, but Lucius told me it was some kind of book."
"A book?"
"I guess," she shrugs. "All I know is that, whenever Lucius spends too much time around it, he gets all moody. We shouldn't really be talking about this anyway. How has school been?"
Regulus tells Narcissa all about the end of term, but he doesn't really focus on anything he's saying. His mind is too busy snagging on the object that the Dark Lord gave to Lucius to "look after". And, apparently, it makes Lucius moody when he's in it's presence.
It takes Regulus until Narcissa leaves an hour later to finally understand why this piece of information is so important.
He thinks he's just found Voldemort's first Horcrux.
A plan starts to formulate in his mind.
When Regulus' mother returns home later that evening, she doesn't arrive alone. Bellatrix is at her side and she has a demonic smile on her face that causes goose bumps to rise across Regulus' skin.
"Little Reggie," she calls, bounding towards him.
"Bellatrix," he responds tiredly, trying his absolute best not to sigh.
"Tonight is the night," Bellatrix grins, wiggling her eyebrows at him.
"The night?" Regulus questions, sparing a glance towards his mother. She simply waves at him to carry on before leaving the room. Regulus hates his mother, and would never feel safe in her presence, but he feels even less safe in Bellatrix's. So, he sort of finds himself wishing his mother wouldn't leave him alone with her.
"It's time you move on from rabbits and start practicing on some real prey," Bellatrix tells him. She throws an arm around him and pulls him into her side. "Come on, I've got the perfect little village in mind."
Regulus feels his eyes widen as he realises what his cousin is implying. There's nothing he can do about it but go along with her evil plan, because if he shows, even for a second, that he isn't all the way in, then she will get suspicious of him. And Regulus knows how close Bellatrix and Voldemort are, so he can't risk her figuring anything out.
Which is why he finds himself standing in the centre of a Muggle village in the middle of the night, his wand in his hand.
"Bella, I'm not even seventeen yet-" Regulus tries, but she shushes him.
"Don't worry, I have a spell for that," she tells him and then points her wand at him. He flinches, but only feels like he's been doused in warm water. "Now, you can cast spells without getting caught." She smiles and then starts skipping off towards a random house.
"Bellatrix," Regulus hisses, following her. "If we do this, we still need to be subtle. What would the Dark Lord say if we got caught?" He raises his eyebrows at her, knowing she will listen to him if he brings Voldemort up.
"Fine," she tuts and waves her wand towards the house. "There, a silencing charm. Now, no one will hear anything that occurs inside." She points her wand at the door and it opens with a faint click.
Regulus feels his heart start to pound in his chest when Bellatrix turns and gestures for him to enter first. He glances up at the sky and finds Sirius' star shining brightly above him. He apologises to it, as if that will make up for what he's about to do to whichever innocent people live in this house.
He grabs his guilt and stuffs it into a box in his mind, trapping it behind his occlumency shields. Then, he straightens his shoulders and steps into the house, face blank. He lets his wand fall into his hand as he eyes the entryway. There's a long corridor with a door to the left, another to the right, and an opening at the end that leads to a kitchen.
All of the lights are off, so he assumes everyone who lives here is upstairs in bed.
He casts a revealing spell towards the lower portion of the house and finds it empty before heading upstairs. He can hear Bellatrix luring behind him, like some kind of twisted shadow.
There are four doors on the upstairs landing, one of which leads to a bathroom. He runs his finger along the first door as he passes it, then the second, and he stops at the third. He shares a look with Bellatrix, and watches as she grins excitedly at him. His guilt may be buried away at the moment, but he can still feel disgust at how ecstatic she appears to be.
He holds a finger up to his lips, a sign for her to be quiet, before slowly turning the door handle. When he peers through the door, he finds a small room, with yellow walls, like maybe the people who live here are happy people. Brighter people who like cheerful colours.
There's a bed in the centre of the room with two people asleep on top of it. A woman and a man, Regulus notices.
"You're taking too long," Bellatrix hisses. She slams the door open fully, causing it to bang against a wardrobe, alerting the two sleeping Muggles to their presence.
Regulus flicks the light on and watches as the man and the woman start to scramble in their bed. He closes the door and puts up another silencing spell, just in case. So far, he hasn't alerted any Aurors to the fact that he's underage and using magic.
Bellatrix stalks forward, ignoring the way the Muggles start to plead and ask what they want.
"Is it money? W-we don't have much, but you can-" The man starts, but is soon cut off by Bellatrix, who points her wand at him. In a blink the man goes from sitting up in his bed to being spread out flat against the ceiling. The woman - probably his wife - starts screaming loudly at the sight of her husband floating from the ceiling.
"P-please, please-" the man continues to beg and Bellatrix sends a silencio his way.
"Reggie, hurry up, these filthy Muggles are making me feel sick, and that one-" she points towards the woman, who is screaming in her bed "-is giving be a migraine. Do you remember what I taught you?"
Regulus nods, feeling bile start to form in the back of his throat. He swallows it down as he steps forwards.
"You're going to put our training sessions to good use on her," Bellatrix gestures to the woman again, "and that one is going to watch." The man thrashes on the ceiling, but no sound comes from him.
As Regulus moves forward, the woman seems to realise that he's coming for her, and she jumps up from her bed. She runs for the window, but bounces back the moment she's close to it. Regulus wonders when Bellatrix put a shield up.
The woman lands on a crumpled mess on the ground and scrambles backwards on her hands and backside when she sees Regulus approaching her. She crawls backwards until she hits the wall and then lets out a small cry into one of her hands, whilst covering her eyes with the other.
"Please, don't," she whimpers.
Don't feel it, bury it down. Do it, Regulus. Do it for James. For Sirius. For everyone.
He closes his eyes and shuts off everything he's feeling, he seals it up in a box and buries it six feet under. When he opens his eyes again and stares down at the Muggle lady, he doesn't notice the fear in her eyes. He looks past the tears staining her cheeks and the small hurried breaths she's releasing that indicate she's having a panic attack.
Lifting his wand, he says, "Imperio."
The woman stops crying, and suddenly the room is silent.
"Get up," he tells her calmly and she does. "Put your arms down at your sides and stand against the wall." Once she obeys to his commands, Regulus steps forward. He rests his hand around her neck, but doesn't grip it. He drops his head until his mouth is just above her ear and he stares Bellatrix dead in the eye as he whispers, "You're not going to feel any of the pain, but I need you to scream anyway. You'll be okay."
"I'll be okay," the woman nods. She looks up at him as he pulls away, curiosity glinting in her eyes, mixing with the fear.
"Come on, Regulus, I want my turn," Bellatrix whines, her wand still trained on the man above her.
Regulus lifts his wand, the next spell on the tip of his tongue. But then, instead, he asks, "What's your name?"
"Jenny," the woman tells him.
Fuck, he shouldn't have asked that.
He's just humanised her in his mind.
Do it, don't feel it.
For James. For Sirius. For everyone.
"Crucio," he whispers.
Jenny drops to the floor and writhes beneath Regulus' wand. She lets out blood-curdling screams, but her eyes... they're calm. Settled. It's almost as if her screams are disconnected from her, like they're someone else's. Because she doesn't look like she can feel it - not by the way she's watching him. He wonders if it's because he told her it wouldn't hurt. Did that work? Is the Imperious Curse really that strong?
He hopes it is. He hopes Jenny's final moments aren't going to be full of nothing but pain.
He doesn't let his eyes break from hers. Not to look at Bellatrix, or the man on the ceiling, who he can hear is thrashing about louder now. Regulus wonders if his mouth is open in a silent scream, a plead to let his wife go, but he doesn't let himself look.
Instead, his eyes lock with Jenny's. They're blue, like his, except with less grey in them.
Regulus tries something. It's a risk, he knows. Especially because he doesn't know if this works on Muggles, and, even if it does, he has no right to try and make any excuses for himself. Not to the woman he's currently torturing.
I don't want to do this, I'm sorry, he tells her. He hopes she gets the message, but he doesn't know if legilimency works on Muggles.
She blinks at him then, her eyelashes fluttering like she's trying to communicate with him.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...
He reads her mind then and he almost falls backwards at what he hears swirling around and around in her mind.
Don't let them find the children. God, please, don't let them find the children.
His spell cuts off and he looks her in the eye once more. He blinks and she blinks back.
I won't let her get your children, he thinks in Jenny's direction and he watches as she slumps against the floor, relief shining through her eyes. I'm so fucking sorry.
"Avada Kedavra," he says, pointing his wand down at her.
Jenny stills, her body goes completely limp, but her eyes are still on Regulus.
He looks away from her finally and turns to Bellatrix. Before she can manage to get a word out, he turns his wand on her and has her unconscious in a second. The only reason he got the upper hand there is because Bellatrix wasn't expecting that. He probably shouldn't have risked doing that, but he had to.
He draws the fucking line at torturing and killing children.
Slowly, he lowers the man from the ceiling. He casts a body-binding spell on him, so he can't go anywhere, and reverses the silencing spell.
"-ny! Jenny, oh my god, Jenny!" The man cries loudly. "What did you- you- you killed her! Jenny !"
"What's your name?" Regulus asks the man. He really needs to stop doing that.
"Fuck you," the man spits. "You killed my w-wife!" He cries again.
Regulus sighs and casts an Imperious on the man. "Tell me your name."
The man grits his teeth and fights against the spell for a moment, which Regulus is admittedly impressed by. It took him four weeks of Bellatrix using the spell on him before he could actually even slightly fight it off.
This Muggle must be strong, or just really fucking angry.
"Tell me, now. Don't fight the spell," Regulus orders.
"S-S-Sam," he stutters, clearly still trying to fight against the spell. He glares at Regulus like he would kill him if he could. Regulus doesn't doubt that he would, actually.
"Sam," Regulus repeats and it feels like sick on his tongue. "I'm not going to let her get your children."
"What are you?" Sam asks, eyes dropping to Bellatrix's body on the floor.
"That doesn't matter," Regulus shakes his head. "I know this means nothing, but... I'm sorry."
Sam glares at him again. His eyes wander all over Regulus, as if trying to decipher if he's telling the truth.
"How old are you?" Sam surprises him by asking.
"Sixteen," Regulus replies quietly.
"You're just a kid..."
Regulus nods, not meeting the man's eyes. "Yeah, I am. And I'm just doing what I have to do to save the people I care about. I'm sorry that included... well, this."
"I don't care about your excuses," Sam snaps. "You killed her, didn't you?" His eyes wander to Jenny's body.
"Yeah," Regulus admits, hating himself for it.
"Oh, god," Sam croaks and then he breaks down again. "Are you going to kill me, too?"
"No," Regulus responds. He didn't know what his answer would be, not until he just said it. "Because I was never here," he says, raising his wand again. "There was a fire... you got the kids out because you fell asleep on the couch downstairs. But your wife was up in bed because she wasn't feeling well, and you couldn't get to her in time. It's not your fault, but she's gone. She went quickly, peacefully..."
He obliviates the original memories from Sam's mind and then tells him to go and get the children. Regulus levitates Bellatrix out of the house. When they get outside, he obliviates her, makes her think they killed the couple and left. He makes her think she got knocked out when Regulus apparated them back home, because he isn't that good at it yet. She'll blame him for that tomorrow at the family ball.
Then, he turns to the man and his two children, both girls. They look frightened. One is crying and asking where their mum is, whilst the other stares at their dad like they're scared he's going to tell them something horrible.
Regulus hates himself for it, but he obliviates the two girls, too, and makes them think there was a fire. Then, before leaving, he sets the place alight.
By the time he returns home, he's covered in ashes and Bellatrix is waking up in his arms, yelling at him for his terrible apparating skills.
He tries to cry when he gets up to his bedroom, but it doesn't come. He wonders if he's some sort of psychopath - or if the Black family madness has finally gotten him. He feels so disconnected.
When he digs up the box inside his mind and releases the guilt, the disgust, and the everything else, he has to run to his bathroom. He only just manages to make it to the toilet before he's throwing up everything in his stomach.
He can't stop seeing Jenny's eyes.
He can still hear the cries Sam let out when he realised his wife was dead, can still see the pain in the young girls' eyes, and can still smell the ash on his clothes.
There will be no going back from this night.
Friday - 8th July, 1977
It doesn't escape Regulus' notice the next evening that most of the people in his house are Death Eaters, whether unmarked or otherwise. They all clearly have a preferred side of the war, and it doesn't lie with Albus Dumbledore.
Regulus is currently standing at the edge of the ballroom, eyes wandering through the crowd of Wizards and Witches, analysing each and every person and memorising things he deems important. He has a wine glass in his hand, half full of red. He's grown accustomed to the stuff over the years, but he won't allow himself to have more than the one glass.
Tonight is an important evening, and he won't mess it up by accidentally getting himself intoxicated.
When he notices Evan arrive with his parents, Regulus hides himself within the crowd of people. He loathes himself for it, but he actively seeks out Rabastan and his idiotic friends, all of which are marked.
"Look who it is, the man of the hour," Travers announces as Regulus approaches them.
"What's it like having a whole party hosted just for you?" Dolohov sniggers.
"What are you talking about? Tonight has nothing to do with me," Regulus frowns, taking a sip from his glass.
"It has everything to do with you, Regulus," Rabastan tells him. "It's about integrating you into our... society, shall we say. Travers here," he hits his friend on the chest, "was half-convinced the Dark Lord would make an appearance, but that's doubtful."
"So, you're saying this is like my initiation?" Regulus asks, eyeing the guests around him more closely now. He notices more than a few of them watching him, whispering between themselves.
"I suppose that would be one way of looking at it," Rabastan nods slowly, considering it. "Oi, Trav, your sister and that Rosier kid are on their way over."
Regulus turns just in time to watch as Evan and Holly walk up to them. Holly has an arm looped around Evan's and a slight flush on her cheeks. She looks nervous around the older boys, and, honestly, Regulus can't even blame her. He doesn't feel comfortable around them either.
"Hey, Holly," Dolohov winks and Regulus feels his stomach turn.
Travers hits his friend upside the head. "Oi, look away, she's too young for you."
"She's sixteen - that's only three years younger," Dolohov smirks.
Regulus notices Holly move closer to Evan, who narrows his eyes at Dolohov. Not for any sort of possessive reason - he's made it clear to Regulus in the past that he doesn't see Holly in that way - but for protection. It's obvious that Evan cares about her, even if it isn't for any romantic reasons.
Wanting to get the attention off the poor girl, Regulus turns to Evan.
"Evan, it's nice to see you."
"Yeah, mate, finally. I can't believe your mother wouldn't let you have anyone over for that long," Evan complains quietly, but not low enough that Rabastan doesn't hear.
Regulus casts a quick glance Rabastan's way and finds him giving Regulus a look. He's been over plenty of times since summer started and Walburga had no problems with that. So, he knows Regulus has lied to Evan. That doesn't sit right with him.
"You know how she can be," Regulus shrugs, taking another sip of his drink.
"Speaking of beautiful women," Dolohov starts.
"Were we?" Rabastan quirks an eyebrow.
"Look at this one," Dolohov continues, his eyes tracing something across the room.
When Regulus turns to see what he's looking at - or, more accurately, who he's looking at - and feels himself stiffen when he spots Scarlett making her way towards them. She has that determined look on her face, like she's on a mission.
"Regulus," she nods in greeting and then sends a small, polite smile towards the rest of them.
"Scarlett," Regulus says, purposefully taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. He glances at Dolohov as he does it and narrows his eyes, as if daring him to say anything crude about her in front of him.
Thankfully, Dolohov appears to get the message and he backs down.
"I just saw your mother. She is expecting us to dance," Scarlett whispers to him as he rises to his full height again.
Regulus has refrain from rolling his eyes. He only just about manages to, and then he passes his glass to Evan, who takes it and immediately sips from it. The lucky bastard will probably be drunk by the end of the night.
Regulus misses the days when his biggest problem was trying to hide his drunken state from his mother during these parties.
He and Scarlett go to join the other couples on the dancefloor. They just so happen to arrive as the Waltz starts playing.
Regulus wraps a hand around Scarlett's waist and slide his other hand through hers. He wonders if this will be the final time they ever do this. Scarlett told him that she would be calling off the engagement the moment Regulus turns seventeen, which will be next month.
Strangely enough, he's gotten used to having her as his fiancé, even whilst dating James. It will be odd when the general public view them as just friends, even though that is all they have been this entire time.
"I need to speak with you," Scarlett whispers as they turn. He releases her waist and she spins outwards as he raises his arm. When she twirls back into his grasp, he frowns at her.
"What about?"
"Your birthday," she says, her eyes hard. And that's the moment Regulus realises that she knows. About the Dark Mark, about his plan to join Voldemort. Before now, none of his friends knew, not even Evan, whose parents are also on Voldemort's side. But now, Scarlett knows.
Fuck, she knows.
There's something in the look she gives him that tells him she isn't going to accept this. However, he is just as surprised to see that she doesn't look angry with him, just confused.
"What of it?" Regulus asks, his tone cold.
He twirls her again and watches as her dress circles around her like a river of red.
"I know what all of these people are, Regulus," Scarlett gestures to the room around her with her eyes before settling them back on him. "You are not going to become one of them. I do not believe it."
As the music comes to an end, Regulus drops his hands and steps away from her with the intention of leaving. However, before he can even think of stepping aside, Scarlett grabs her hand in his and forces him to follow her. She manages not to capture the attention of anyone as she marches him over to the exit.
Regulus doesn't bother questioning her as she passes through the corridor, getting farther and farther away from the ballroom until the music is a faint hum. She opens the door to the music room and pulls Regulus inside before closing the door behind her.
She turns on him, her eyes blazing with so much anger, he finds himself freezing under it.
"Regulus Arcturus Black, please tell me this is a part of some stupid plan to please your mother until the final moment. Please, tell me you plan to run away before they can even begin to touch you with that mark," Scarlett pleads, but her voice isn't unsteady or sad, it's fiery.
"I can't because that would be considered lying," Regulus mumbles, not meeting her eyes. He can't.
This is it, he's about to lose Scarlett, too.
"Regulus, I..." Scarlett shakes her head. "Look, you have to be joking or playing a fool out of me or something. You're- you're my best friend."
Regulus does look at her then, shock probably clear on her features. He knows Scarlett cares about him, considers him a friend, but best friend? He didn't realise he meant so much to her.
It only makes this whole situation hurt worse.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Scarlett," Regulus speaks in a voice his mother would be proud of. His words are slow, controlled, almost cold in the way they are delivered. He straightens his shoulders and looks Scarlett dead in the eye. "I am taking the mark, it is my choice."
"You're lying," Scarlett shakes her head.
"I'm not," he implores quietly. "They aren't forcing me to take it, this is my decision. This is my path. It is yours, too, according to your mother."
Hurt flashes across her face. "I don't believe you."
"Then watch me fail to hesitate," Regulus murmurs, going for the door, but Scarlett jumps in front of it.
"You are not like them," Scarlett continues to shake her head. "I don't care what you say to me, how hard you try to convince me that you are. I won't believe it. You're good Regulus, and kind." When he scoffs, she continues. "Do you remember when you went to the World Cup? Evan wanted to go, but his parents wouldn't allow him to, so you brought him back a souvenir so that he had a part of it. When you found out I hadn't seen Maggie for years, you found her. You gave me my best friend back. You let Pandora call you Reggie, even though you claim to hate nicknames. You ate the only person who can get through to Barty when his father gets to him. You were the first person Dorcas trusted enough to come out to.
"You. Are. Kind. So, why? Why are you so adamant that I believe you could be cruel?"
Regulus tries to block out the urge to tell her everything, to finally confide in someone about his plan. He looks at Scarlett, at the hurt on her face, and he just knows that telling her would hurt her more.
So, he steels himself and narrows his eyes at her. "People change, they grow up. That is what I have done - I've grown up. I am not the Regulus you remember," he says, stepping closer to her. "That Regulus, he wasn't real. He doesn't exist," another step. Scarlett retreats closer to the door. "This is me, and if you don't like that, then you can leave. I won't even bat an eye if you do. You want to know why?" He gains on her, close enough to reach out and touch her if he wants. Her back is pressed against the closed door, a look of defiance on her face. "Because I don't care. About you, or us, or whatever you think this is. I did what I had to do to get to where I am now. You think I'm kind? Then, you were just naïve enough to believe the façade."
Scarlett looks sick for a moment, and he briefly wonders if she's going to slap him. However, she does something worse.
"If that's true, then explain James." Her voice is a croaked whisper, it barely makes it past her lips.
"A moment of weakness," Regulus shrugs carelessly. "A mistake I won't be making again."
"How can you say that?" Scarlett shakes her head, looking disgusted with him. "We all saw you with him, you know. That wasn't a moment of weakness or a mistake, Regulus. That was one of the best decisions you have ever made in your life."
Regulus clenches his teeth together. "Well, it's over. And I doubt James is about to sign himself up to the Dark Lord, so I expect I'll see him again. Across a battlefield, of course." Regulus' forces his lips to curl up into a cruel smirk. "Will I be seeing you there, too? Maybe we can finally see who's more skilled, after all these years. It would be satisfying seeing you get put in your place for once."
Don't feel it. Do it.
For James. For Sirius. For everyone.
With every word he forces himself to say, his throat constricts more and more. He feels sick with himself, but he has to do this. He can't let anyone believe that he isn't choosing this. It could ruin his entire plan.
"Fuck you," Scarlett spits, her eyes filling with tears. She pushes him away from her and turns to open the door, but before she can, it opens from the other side.
Evan walks in, looking a mixture of confused and worried as he takes in the expressions on their faces. Regulus is still wearing his cold mask of indifference and Scarlett is close to tears.
"What is going on in here?" He questions.
"Oh, nothing," Scarlett spits out, her voice wobbling with each word. "I was just figuring out that Regulus is the worst person I know."
"What? How can you say that?" Evan asks, looking taken aback.
"He's a Death Eater," she says simply. Then, she sends Regulus a final glare before storming out of the room. He watches her go with a blank expression.
Evan blinks rapidly in quick succession before turning to Regulus.
"Excuse my finest pardon, but what did she just say?" Evan bursts out, disbelieving.
Regulus looks at him. "You heard her."
"You're not..." Evan's voice falters as his eyes roam over Regulus' face. "It's true."
It isn't a question. Evan can read him well, he always has been able to.
It's the fault of having a friend who knows you so well.
"As we have already established," Regulus says, straightening out his robes. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a party to return to." He walks around Evan and exits the music room. Evan doesn't follow him and Regulus wonders if he's too shocked to move.
Regulus can't turn back and check though because he has something more important to do, and he doesn't mean return to the party.
He slips off into the sitting room and leaves the lights off, not wanting to alert anyone to his presence. He marches over to the fireplace and grabs a handful of Floo powder before stepping into the grate.
"Malfoy Manor."
Twenty minutes later, Regulus finds himself breaking into Lucius' office. He cuts his hand on one of the wards, which he expects is supposed to defend the room. However, the moment his blood hits the protective ward, they all shatter and give him access to the door. He assumes that means Lucius has give permission to all Malfoys and Blacks - because of Narcissa.
They were blood wards.
He twists the doorknob and steps into the dark office. It takes him only a second to figure out that the Horcrux must be nearby because he suddenly feels like he's been doused in a bucket of dark magic. Misery overcomes him and he feels his frustration spike, but, beyond that, he feels a magnetic pull towards the Horcrux, like it's trying to lure him into it's trap.
His feet guide him towards Lucius' desk, where Regulus finds a locked drawer. It's the third one down, not quite the bottom one.
When he attempts to unlock it with his wand, he cuts his hand again. Unfortunately, his blood doesn't get him past the wards this time. He swears under his breath as he tries to think of a way to get into the drawer.
For some reason, his mind wanders back to a couple of years ago. Regulus had been hanging with Pandora in the library and she had asked him to keep watch while she snuck into the Restricted Section. It was one of the most nerve-wracking moments of his time at Hogwarts. But the thing he remembers most about that moment was that Pandora didn't use her wand to unlock the door. She had pulled out a pin from her hair and used it to shimmy the lock open.
Regulus stupidly considers this for a moment. Perhaps, Lucius wouldn't have thought about this, since it seems like a Muggle way of opening a lock.
The only problem is, he doesn't have a bobby pin. He's going to need something small, with two spindly joints-
He pulls his necklace, the sun one that James gave him months ago now, from beneath his robes and unclasps it.
This might actually be the dumbest idea he's ever had, but he might as well exhaust all of his options, right?
He sticks two of the wiggly sunrays into the lock and is shocked when they actually go into it. He had been afraid that the wards wouldn't allow him to get that close, but, apparently, they were only intended to reject any sort of magical penetration.
Slowly, he turns the sun and prays with everything in him that this will work. At first, the necklace refuses to move and Regulus is sort of afraid that he'll break it. But then, when he wiggles the rays in a bit further and tries to turn it again, it starts to move.
His eyes widen when he hears the tell-tale sound of the lock clicking open.
There is no fucking way that he just got access to one of Voldemort's Horcruxes by using a Muggle lock-picking method.
It's sort of ironic, actually, Regulus can't help but think.
He pulls the drawer open and pulls out... a diary?
Regulus frowns down at the book in his hand. He knows this must be it because Narcissa had called it a book, but this- this is a diary. Voldemort gave Lucius his diary.
He doesn't let himself laugh, even though he's tempted to.
Instead, he tucks it into his pocket and then pulls out the book he had brought with him as a diversion of sorts. He transfigures it to look as close to the diary as he can before placing it carefully in the drawer. He closes it and then locks it again and pulls his necklace out.
As he does so, his fingers slip over the centre of the necklace.
He wonders if James felt that, if the magic on the necklace still works after all this time.
Regulus gets out of there as swiftly as he can, making sure that absolutely nothing is out of place. He closes the door and feels as the wards slip back over it. He is reminded of the cut on his hand and points his wand at it, healing it. He isn't the best with healing spells, but he's learnt a couple from James over the last two years. James rambles about his Healers' Course a lot.
When Regulus makes it back home, he doesn't go back into the ballroom. Instead, he hurries up to his bedroom and locks the door behind himself. He rushes over to the loose floorboard and pulls out the bag Scarlett gave him years ago - the one with the undetectable extension charm. He had emptied it the night before when he came up with this plan.
Regulus places the diary inside, but not before noticing the name written on the back of it. He frowns down at the letters.
T. M. Riddle
Riddle?
Regulus has never heard of that family before. In fact, he is almost one-hundred percent certain that isn't a Pureblood name at all.
So, that raises the question (one he hadn't even thought of before): Is Voldemort even a Pureblood?
Who is T. M. Riddle?
Saturday - 9th July, 1977
Regulus hadn't let himself study the diary the night before, knowing he had to return to the ballroom. However, when he knew his mother was asleep, he had slipped it out of his bag and stared down at it for hours. When he opened it, he found it bare, not a drop of ink on any of the pages. There was a part of him that felt a strong urge to write in it himself and find out what would happen next, but he fought against it.
Until he has a way to destroy the thing, he isn't going to go about testing any of his theories on it. If it kills him now, then all of this would have been for nothing.
It's the next day and he hasn't touched the Horcrux since last night. He isn't going to let himself so much as look at it for at least a week because he doesn't want it to overwhelm him like it had the night before. He knows it's one of the most darkest pieces of magic in the world, so he can't go around keeping it at his side.
It could kill him at any moment.
Or worse, it could alert Voldemort to it's location.
Regulus doesn't know if that's actually possible, but he isn't going to risk it if it is.
So, that morning, he ignores the dark magic spilling from beneath his floorboards and gets ready for the day before heading down for breakfast.
Both of his parents are sitting at the table when he arrives, though his father does look a bit bedraggled. Regulus knows he should speak with him - he hasn't for a year now and the man is getting weaker by the day. Plus, he forgave Narcissa, so he should probably extend the same forgiveness to his father.
The thought of Orion dying before Regulus gets the chance to forgive him makes him feel queasy. So, he makes a plan to talk to his father at some point during the summer.
"Regulus, there is something your father and I must discuss with you," Walburga announces. She sounds irritated, but Regulus doesn't think it's directed at him, though he can't be sure.
"What is it, mother?" Regulus asks politely.
"Your union with Scarlett Stark is no longer transpiring," Walburga tells him. She clears her throat and places her hands in her lap. "We received a letter from Mister and Lady Stark this morning. Their daughter ran away from home last night. As it turns out, the filthy girl is a blood-traitor. You are not to talk to her, communicate with her, or even look at her when you return to school in September, is that understood?"
"Yes, mother," Regulus replies, but it sounds like an echo.
Scarlett ran away? Where did she go? Is it because of what they spoke about last night? Is she safe?
It hits Regulus then that Scarlett Stark really and truly is no longer a part of his life.
Don't feel it. Don't feel it. Don't feel it.
For James. For Sirius. For everyone.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- Sirius met Kreacher!! ahhhh - Kreacher was absolutely flabbergasted
- Sirius has been having the summer of his life, meanwhile Regulus is having the worst one of his life :/
- Regulus and Narcissa made up, finally! :D
- Sooooo Regulus just killed someone... 😬 oopsies
- the whole part with Regulus and Scarlett in the music room actually ruined me, I'm so sorry guys. just know that he didn't mean any of it, he's just doing what he thinks he has to do to keep her safe from, well, himself
- Scarlett and Regulus are over :(
- Evan just being like "excuse my finest pardon" is so funny to me HAHAH
- Enter moody and broody Regulus.... sigh
- Regulus trying not to laugh at the fact that Voldemort has a diary is killing me 😭 ALSO. HE. FOUND. HIS. FIRST. HORCRUX. WHOOOO - and James lowkey helped with the necklace 👀
- aaaaand Scarlett is gone. honestly, I can't blame herSorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I skimmed this because I'm going out soon to celebrate - I got my A-Level results today and I passed everything ahhhhhh! :D Thanks to everyone who wished me luck, love you all <3
see ya next week :)
Chapter 87: Sixth Year: Friends Will Be Friends
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-angst
-mention of someone leaving home at only seventeen
-brief references to teenagers having sex
-underage drinking
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It's not easy love, but you've got friends you can trust
Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hand 'cause friends will be friends
Right till the end
~ Queen
Friday - 8th July, 1977
Scarlett
This is me, and if you don't like that, then you can leave. I won't even bat an eye if you do. You want to know why? Because I don't care. About you, or us, or whatever you think this is. I did what I had to do to get to where I am now. You think I'm kind? Then, you were just naïve enough to believe the façade.
Naive. What an awful word.
Scarlett has never considered herself unintelligent or dim. In fact, she's always been quite clever for her age, so she doesn't understand how she could have read Regulus so wrong. How she could have let him wriggle his way into her head and make a home there. How she could believe that he was one person when, really, he was another.
Up until a few moments ago, Regulus Black was her favourite person in the whole world. And now... what? She's supposed to just accept the fact that it was all fake, just a mask to make her trust him?
It just doesn't make sense.
But it has to, because the Regulus she knows - or knew - would have never spoken those words to her. The Regulus she knew - her Regulus - was kind and sweet, where people thought he was cold and mean, just like the rest of his family. In reality, he was a butterfly among moths, a singular lit candle in a cave of shadows.
Scarlett has always admired him, which she sort of hates.
She learnt from a young age that people are not worth her time. They are cruel and twisted in ways no one else will ever truly know, not unless they crawl into someone else's head. People are untrustworthy, selfish creatures.
And so, when Regulus Black came into her life, she expected him to be just like the others. She was thoroughly surprised to discover the boy hidden behind the Black family mask. The boy who would talk Barty through his panic attacks about his father; who would stroke Pandora's hair when she rested her head in his lap; who let Dorcas hug him even when it made him uncomfortable. The boy who is Evan Rosier's best friend because he isn't like the rest of the children in the Sacred Twenty-Eight.
He was the first person to ever extend a hand of friendship to her, and she took it.
She hadn't regretted that, not for a moment, until now.
Now, she realises that she had been smart before to not let anyone in, to not trust that people are what they say they are. Regulus isn't kind, he isn't sweet or tentative like she had thought he was.
He is his mother's son.
Scarlett thinks she hates him for that.
When she came home for the summer, she knew it would be her final time returning home from Hogwarts. Her plan was to remain engaged to Regulus until his seventeenth birthday, keep up the façade for the final week of the summer and have their parents assume the union was still ongoing, but she didn't plan to go home for Christmas.
She had spoken to Dorcas years ago about her plans to leave home, and it was back then, when they were only fourteen, that Dorcas had opened her doors to her.
Scarlett could have gone back then. She could have gotten out, but she stayed so Regulus wouldn't be trapped. They were supposed to get out together.
She is done waiting for him.
After storming out of the music room, Scarlett hurries down the long corridor and into the closest room with a connected Floo network. It happens to be the kitchen, a room she has never been in before. Not at Grimmauld anyway.
She Floos to her own house, not bothering to say anything to her parents. She would do anything to never have to see her mother ever again - and now she might not have to. But she will regret not seeing her father again.
Maybe, one day, after the war is over, Scarlett will find him again. She could get him away from her mother for good.
When she arrives in her own living room, she rushes up to her bedroom and pulls off the horrendous dress her mother forced her to wear for the ball. She loathes dresses.
Once she's changed into something more comfortable, an outfit she bought the last time she visited Dorcas, she starts packing things into her school trunk. She fits everything into it, packs away her entire life. Her hand hovers over the picture of herself and her friends that was taken at the beginning of sixth year.
They were sitting under the oak near the Black Lake and there were a few orange leaves scattered around on the floor. She remembers that vividly because it was the first day of the year when it really and truly felt like autumn - her personal favourite season. Dorcas was sitting on the far left with Pandora's feet in her lap, whilst her head was settled on Regulus' legs, his hand running through her hand. Every now and then he would place a small daisy in her tendrils and Pandora would grin up at him and he would softly smile back.
Scarlett was sat next to him, and the two of them were sharing an exasperated look because, to Scarlett's right, Evan and Barty were bickering again.
It had been Xenophilius Lovegood who took the picture.
All of this plays out and then there's a distinct flash and they all turn to look at the camera with matching startled expressions. Except for Pandora, who just beams at the camera.
Scarlett stares at Regulus' face, watches the way his startled expression morphs into a small, shy smile before he turns back to look at her, and they go right back to rolling their eyes over Evan and Barty.
Her heart hurts in her chest and she briefly wonders if there's something wrong with her, but then she realises... she's heartbroken. She may not have been in love with Regulus, but she absolutely loved him. She knows she still does, even if he is an awful person. You don't just stop caring about someone you loved that much, no matter how much they fuck up.
She stuffs the picture into the front of her trunk and zips it away.
Casting one final glance around her childhood bedroom, she expects to feel something. She's about to abandon this place forever. She doesn't plan to return, and yet... she feels nothing. Her chest feels hollow, like she zipped away her heart along with the photo. Now, she's just numb.
Sniffing, she picks up her trunk, knowing she's wasting time. She hurries down to her father's office because she knows that, if her parents do arrive back as she's leaving, this is the least likely place for her mother to find her. If her father does, then she just has to believe that he won't stop her this time, not like he did when she tried to run away as a child.
She writes out a quick note for her father, explaining that she isn't coming back but that he shouldn't worry because she has a place to stay. She tells him that she loves him but she can't stay in this house any longer. Can't be that woman's daughter for another moment longer.
Once she's finished, she folds the parchment and places it inside the top drawer of her father's desk. He'll find it eventually. She hopes her mother isn't the one to discover it, since it isn't for her. If Scarlett's father decides to share it with his wife, then that's up to him.
Pulling her trunk in along with her, Scarlett steps into the fireplace and says, "The Meadowes'."
A second later, she is staring out at Dorcas' living room.
She did it, she got out.
She left that life behind her, but that meant leaving Regulus right along with it.
It's late, so she doesn't expect it when someone comes walking into the room as she's stepping out of the grate.
"Oh, blimey!" Dorcas' mother exclaims, clutching her chest. "Scarlett, love, what are you doing here?" Her eyes drop to the trunk at Scarlett's left and understanding dawns over her. "Oh my..."
"Sorry to barge in on you like this," she murmurs, not meeting the woman's eye. "I- I wasn't sure where to go and I-"
"Nonsense, you didn't barge in on anything," Dorcas' mother makes her way over to her and pulls Scarlett into a hug. "You poor thing. Of course, you can stay here."
Scarlett feels her bottom lip wobble as she hugs the woman back. She hadn't let herself cry when Regulus was telling her how he didn't care about her, even if her eyes did water. She wouldn't give him her dignity like that.
But she cries now, in a mother's embrace. One that shouldn't be meant for her, but is because she never had a mother to hold her like this.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud. It's late and the twins are probably in bed-" Scarlett starts, but is soon shushed by Dorcas' mother.
"Don't worry about that," she whispers, stroking down Scarlett's hair. "The hyper little sods are probably still up there bouncing off the walls."
Scarlett laughs wetly before pulling away. "How are they, Mrs Meadowes?"
"They're well, thank you," she smiles kindly and reaches down to wipe away Scarlett's tears. "And you can all me Adele."
"Right, yeah, sorry," Scarlett bites down on her bottom lip.
"You really don't need to apologise for anything, love," Adele tells her. "Come on, let's go find Dorcas. She'll be so happy to see you. She's been acting a bit... off ever since our trip to Kent."
"Oh, really," Scarlett frowns as she follows Adele out of the living room. She uses her wand to make her trunk float so that it's following behind her. "Why is that?"
"Not sure," Adele shrugs. "I think she saw someone from school she doesn't really like and it put her in an odd mood for the rest of the holiday."
"From school? But Dorcas is friends with everyone, she..." Scarlett's sentence breaks off as she remembers the one person in the school that Dorcas has a rivalry with for no apparent reason. Whenever Scarlett has asked her about it in the past, Dorcas has simply given her half-answers. "Was it Marlene McKinnon?"
"Oh, yes, that name rings a bell," Adele nods. Then, she leans in and smirks. "Between you and me, I think Dorcas has a bit of a thing for the girl."
Scarlett's eyes widen. She knows Dorcas came out to her parents earlier in the summer because she sent a letter about it, but Scarlett wasn't quite expecting her parents to be this... well, open about it. If Scarlett ever told her mother... that, she would have been disowned.
Huh, maybe she could have gotten out years ago after all.
She shakes that thought away. There's no need to go there, not tonight. Not on top of everything else.
They approach Dorcas' bedroom door and Adele knocks on it. Scarlett can sense a silencing spell around the room, so she wonders what Dorcas could be doing in there, or if it's just so she doesn't accidentally wake up her younger brothers.
A few moments later, the door swings open and loud music spills into the corridor. Dorcas stands in the doorway, her hair up in a high ponytail, her braids looking newly tied. She's got a pyjama set on, which only goes to remind Scarlett of how late it is, and how she's intruding.
Her eyebrows raise at the sight of Scarlett. However, her shock soon gives way to worry.
It's funny. For the first year or two at Hogwarts, Scarlett didn't really like Dorcas Meadowes. Actually, she found her quite annoying and didn't understand how someone so boisterous could ever be friends with the quiet Black heir.
Scarlett had shared a dorm with her since her first night at Hogwarts, so she knew the girl well enough to know that Dorcas was loud and didn't really understand boundaries.
Then, Scarlett started sitting with her and the rest of their friends and she discovered that Dorcas' faults weren't flaws at all. In fact, they are now Scarlett's favourite things about her. Yes, she's loud, but not in an overwhelming way. She's bold and a bit weird, and she doesn't care who knows it. Sure, she's got a few boundary issues, but Scarlett hasn't gotten used to that over the years. Mainly because Dorcas has somehow developed a sixth sense that tells her when Scarlett needs comforting.
Back at Hogwarts, if she noticed Scarlett having a bad day, she would nudge their arms together or knock their knees beneath the table, just to show her that she was there and she could see her. Could see she was struggling.
She also always knows whenever Scarlett needs a hug and when she wouldn't be able to handle one, because sometimes physical affection makes her recoil.
But one of Scarlett's favourite parts about Dorcas having absolutely no boundaries whatsoever is that, if she couldn't sleep, Dorcas would always know. If Scarlett couldn't sleep, then Dorcas couldn't either, and they would sneak into each other's beds and talk until they did fall asleep.
Just like Regulus, Dorcas was unexpected.
However, unlike Regulus, Scarlett knows that Dorcas is everything she says she is because she is unforgivably herself. She always has been. She doesn't care who is watching or judging her. She would rather live as her honest self than lie to get people to like her.
Scarlett appreciates that about her.
"Scarlett?" Dorcas frowns, waving her wand towards her room. A second later, the music silences. "Are you okay? What are you doing here? Did something happen?"
"I'll leave you two to catch up," Adele tells them, giving Scarlett one more smile before departing.
Dorcas grabs Scarlett and pulls her into the bedroom, only just about dodging getting hit in the head by her floating trunk as it follows her into the room.
She closes her door and instantly turns on her.
"Are you okay?" She repeats.
"I'm fine," Scarlett lies. Physically, she's okay, but mentally? She can still hear Regulus' cruel worlds swirling around inside her mind. So, no, she's not okay. Not at all.
"You've been crying," Dorcas says, reaching forward to touch Scarlett's face. She almost flinches away from the touch, but not because it makes her uncomfortable.
Dorcas wasn't the only person who discovered something about herself last year...
Well, technically, Scarlett has always known that she favours girls over boys. Actually, she has never and will never be attracted to a guy. She figured it out when she was very little, but learnt quickly that it would just be another reason for her mother to hate her, so she kept it to herself.
She's not ashamed of it. She never has been, but she is afraid.
Like she said, people are cruel, and she really doesn't need to give them another reason to be.
When Dorcas came out last year, Scarlett decided it was finally time to tell someone. She could have spoken to Regulus about it, since he was clearly gay, too, but Scarlett couldn't help but think it was different. Regulus only likes boys and Scarlett only likes girls.
So, she told Dorcas and she was absolutely terrified, but Dorcas was lovely about it.
Scarlett didn't admit this part, but she's pretty sure she developed a bit of a crush on Dorcas back in third year. It was right around the time when Dorcas got really tall, just before Scarlett did, too. Her legs were... long, her eyes a bright shade of brown, and Scarlett found herself staring at her for a little bit too long sometimes.
That crush has long since died out, especially since Dorcas became such an important friend to her. But, there was a day back in January...
They were hanging out in the boys' dormitory and Pandora came in with flushed cheeks and a wide grin on her face. Barty had made some crude joke about Lily Evans - Pandora's girlfriends - which the rest of them ignored. Pandora had then gone on and on about every detail of her date with the girl. She ended her rant by talking about the kiss they shared and Scarlett realised for the first time that she hadn't actually kissed anyone before.
It didn't seem important, but suddenly her friends were getting into relationships and it hit her. She's never done anything with anyone.
Regulus had James, Pandora had Evans, Barty was dating the whole female population of Hogwarts, and Dorcas told her that she had made out with some Ravenclaw from the year above a couple of weeks before Christmas at their holiday party. She didn't think Evan was going around kissing anyone, but that probably had something to do with the fact that he had very obviously been head over heels for Barty for years.
When she and Dorcas went back to their dormitory - which was blissfully free of Alecto - Scarlett felt the thought going round and round in her head.
"What is it?" Dorcas had asked. When Scarlett gave her a puzzled look, Dorcas stepped forward and poked her head. "There's something going on up there. Tell me."
"It's stupid," Scarlett shook her head and turned to go into the bathroom, but Dorcas caught her by the wrist and pulled her close enough that Scarlett's breath caught. Yeah, her crush was gone, but she would be an imbecile if she said that Dorcas wasn't one of the most beautiful girls she had ever set her eyes on.
"Tell me," Dorcas implored, eyes adamant.
Sighing, Scarlett explained her inner turmoil and waited for Dorcas to laugh at her, but she didn't. Instead, she dropped Scarlett's wrist and then cupped her face and pulled her closer. She gave Scarlett plenty of time to pull away or punch her - not that she would have done that, but still. However, she didn't want to pull away, so she let it happen.
She kissed a girl. One of her best friends, but still, a girl.
And it felt fucking great.
She expected it to be weird after that, but it wasn't. Dorcas mentioned it a few times, or would make subtle jokes about kissing around their friends that only Scarlett would understand. She normalised it enough that Scarlett didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. She was actually very grateful for it all.
She won't be lying to herself though if she says that whenever Dorcas gets a bit too close, her mind instantly wanders to that kiss. She supposes it's a natural, hormonal reaction.
It's why she flinches now.
"Scarlett, what's wrong?" Dorcas' concern grows.
"I ran away," she admits, too tired to not tell the truth at this point. "I couldn't stay there for another night, so I left."
"Did something happen at that ball? Is Regulus okay?"
Scarlett feels as bile rises in her throat. She wants to tell Dorcas everything and she probably should because Dorcas deserves to know what she is friends with. However, she can't bring herself to say it. Why should the truth be on her shoulders anyway? Regulus - the absolute traitor - should tell Dorcas himself.
"He's fine," her tone is bitter, but she finds that she can't soften it. She is still so angry and heartbroken. "It's not that. I just- I couldn't." She shakes her head.
"Hey, it's okay," Dorcas tells her. "You don't have to explain yourself to me."
"I'm sorry for just showing up like this," Scarlett looks down at the floor.
Dorcas reaches out again and tilts her chin up so that their eyes meet. "I'm not. I already told my parents that you would be staying here at Christmas and whenever you would need to afterwards, and they didn't mind. You know they adore you, and I obviously do, too," she smirks. "So, I'm glad you're here early. Merlin, the twins'll be so excited to see you tomorrow."
"I can't wait to see them, too," Scarlett says and she realises she means it. Sure, they're loud and demanding sometimes, but they sort of remind her of Dorcas in that way. Fondness feels her chest as she follows Dorcas over to her large bed in the corner of the room.
"You can stay in here tonight, if you want, and then we'll move you into your room tomorrow," Dorcas tells her, splaying out on her bed. Scarlett joins her with a silent nod, lying on her back.
"So, what's all this I hear about you running into McKinnon on your holiday?" She asks, turning to look at Dorcas.
Who is blushing.
"How do you know that?"
"Your mother told me," Scarlett shrugs. "She also said that she thinks you have a thing for her."
"I..." Dorcas bites down on her bottom lip and scratches her neck. "I mean, I don't..."
"Wait a minute," Scarlett sits up. "You do, don't you?"
Dorcas stares at her, like she's unsure if she should say anything at all.
"You can tell me, you know," Scarlett murmurs, lying back down. "You can tell me anything, Dorcas."
"I know," the other girl whispers, her eyes shutting. After a few moments, she rolls onto her side and opens her eyes, looking directly at Scarlett, who turns on her side, too. "Scarlett, I need to tell you something."
"If it's that you like McKinnon, I have to say, it's pretty obvi-"
"I had sex with her," Dorcas blurts out before covering her mouth with her hands, her eyes widening. She looks like she didn't mean to say that.
Scarlett can't help but gasp quietly. "You what?"
A crease forms between Dorcas' eyebrows as she lowers her hands. "I... I slept with her," she clears her throat. "Apparently, she lives in Kent, where we went on holiday. I ran into her at a Muggle bar, of all places." She rolls her eyes. "At first, we were fighting, kind of... I don't know, it could have been flirting. Maybe we've been flirting all these years and I just didn't realise it. But then, we were snogging and I wasn't drunk, so I can't even blame it on that!" Dorcas sounds absolutely disheartened by this detail. "She wasn't either, which means we did it on purpose."
"Are you telling me you lost your virginity in a Muggle pub?" Scarlett grimaces.
"Excuse me, I have more class than that," Dorcas huffs.
Scarlett snorts.
Ignoring her, Dorcas carries on. "No, we left the pub because Marlene said she lived down the road and her parents were out of the house for the week."
"So, you went to her house ?" Scarlett gapes.
"Uh, I guess?"
"You guess?"
"I don't know, okay?" Dorcas pouts. "It just sort of... happened."
"Well, uh... How was it?" Scarlett frowns the moment she's asked her question. She really has no idea what to say in this situation. Usually, she isn't one for gossip or trivial teenage angst, but this is Dorcas. Her friend. So, she cares.
"Fucking amazing," Dorcas groans. "I hate that."
"Sure you do," Scarlett mutters, laughing quietly. "Merlin, what is it going to be like when we get back to school?"
"Oh, it gets worse," Dorcas admits. "Not only did we have sex then. I went back the next night... and the night after that."
"Dorcas!" Scarlett pretends to scold her.
"...And she found me at the beach and we did... stuff behind the arcades," she confesses, covering her whole face with her hands this time.
"Okay, that is gross," Scarlett grimaces. "I don't understand why people have sex in public."
"It wasn't sex... it was other stuff. Besides, you can't talk," Dorcas tuts. "Until you actually feel that... horny for someone, you won't understand. But when you do, holy fuck. It was like I couldn't keep my hands off her."
"Yeah, I don't know what that's like," Scarlett admits.
Dorcas smiles at her. "You will one day. You're free now - you can fuck whoever you want."
Scarlett rolls her eyes. "Oh, yippee. I suppose the next thing you are going to tell me is that the world is my oyster?"
"Ew, no," Dorcas scrunches her nose up in disgust. "I hate oysters."
"That's not the point of the saying..."
"The world is your chicken sandwich," Dorcas announces dramatically, making Scarlett laugh again. "You should go and seize the day. Embrace lesbianism! Carpe freaking diem."
Scarlett rolls over onto her stomach as she laughs. "You're ridiculous."
"Yeah," Dorcas chuckles. "But I'm right."
Scarlett doesn't say it, but she agrees. Dorcas is right.
She should seize the day, and every other one following it, because she's free now.
Finally.
***
Saturday - 16th July, 1977
Remus
It's been a while since Remus has seen all of his Hogwarts friends at once, which is why he is so excited for today. Lily's band have their first public gig tonight at a Wizard pub in Diagon Alley, so they have all decided to meet up before the show and spend the day in the bustling street catching up.
Remus apparates to one of the alleyways on the magical street, almost landing on top of someone at the apparition point. He apologises before swiftly making his way out onto the busy street and searching his surroundings for his friends.
When he doesn't find them, he heads off to the bookshop they said they would meet up at and hopes he isn't the first one to arrive.
Thankfully, he spots Alice and Azalia standing outside the bookshop, with Marlene and Mary at their side. He's disappointed when he doesn't find Sirius waiting with them because he hasn't seen him for a couple of weeks now, not since they spent the full moon at the Potters'.
When he approaches the others, they all share hugs and start talking about how their summers have been so far. Apparently, Alice and Azalia went on holiday to Costa Brava with Alice's parents. Azalia moved in with the Fortescue's after they turned seventeen and received a letter from the orphanage they've lived in for most of their life that basically stated they are no longer welcome there.
Remus knows they're better off for it, since they hated living there in the first place. Plus, Alice's family has always been so good to Azalia when they have gone to visit, so Remus knows they are being taken care of, which makes him happy for his friend.
Mary tells him all about her summer trip to Italy and how Charlotte wouldn't stop complaining about the fact that she missed her Hogwarts friends.
When he tries to question Marlene about her summer, she goes oddly quiet, which is something she hasn't done since third year. It sort of reminds Remus of how shy Marlene used to be before she started trusting them all enough to act like her real self in front of them all.
James and Lily are the next ones to arrive, shortly followed by Peter, who shows up with red cheeks because apparently he ran all the way from the Leaky Cauldron so as to not show up late. When they all inform him that Sirius is yet to arrive, he looks regretful about his decision to run here.
Remus is getting antsy and is five minutes from asking the others if they can go and search for Sirius when they boy in question arrives. He pounces onto Remus' back, completely unannounced and wraps his limbs around him, clinging like a spider monkey.
"Hey, Moony," he whispers before pressing a kiss to the side of Remus' head.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Remus asks, turning his head so that he can see Sirius' face. Sirius smiles brightly at him and reaches out to poke his nose. Remus gives him a look that says, What the hell was that for?
"I made a quick stop at the corner shop because I knew you'd be wanting this," Sirius says before handing Remus a packet of Maltesers.
"Have I ever mentioned that I love you?" Remus whispers, wanting to lean in and kiss him. He glances down at his lips and thinks about leaning in, but the sound of people all around them reminds him that they're in public.
Sirius' smile dims slightly, but he still leans in to quietly say, "Once or twice." He kisses Remus on the cheek and then hops off his back and goes over to James' side, slapping a kiss to his head for good measure. Remus knows it's his way of covering up the fact that he just kissed him in public. Anyone watching will probably just think Sirius is affectionate with all of his friends.
The ten of them start walking through the street, catching up and wandering into random shops. Lily pulls Remus into the bookshop where they first met six years ago and starts laughing at the memory of how his tad had been hinting at something between the two of them.
"He was such an idiot back then," Remus shakes his head. "He thought I liked any girl I came across, even my friends."
"To be fair, you have kissed at least three of your friends," Lily snorts.
"No... no, I haven't," Remus frowns as he starts counting.
"Uh, yes you have," Lily says, holding her hand out in a way that tells Remus she's about to start listing them out. "There was James, which, honestly, I feel like we didn't talk about that enough. It was mentioned once and then everyone just forgot about it-"
"Yeah because Sirius' eye started twitching whenever anyone brought it up," Remus murmurs.
"-then, there was Marie. I know you guys dated, but you were technically just friends when you had your first kiss," Lily reasons. "And, finally, Sirius. Who, need I remind you, you had a friends with benefits thing going on with for a whole bloody summer. I still can't believe that, by the way. You guys were so clueless."
"It wasn't friends with benefits..." Remus tuts.
Lily raises an accusing eyebrow. "You guys were shagging at every available opportunity and were still labelling yourselves 'just friends '."
"What are we talking about?" Sirius asks, squeezing between Remus and Lily, who are standing near a display table of books.
"Nothing," Remus says at the same moment Lily replies, "Your sex life."
Sirius raises his eyebrows. "Just mine, or mine and Moony's?"
"Lily was saying that this time last year we were friends with benefits - whatever that means," Remus rolls his eyes and picks up a random book, pretending to admire the cover.
"Of course, we were," Sirius responds like that was obvious. Remus gives him a wide-eyed look. "Remus, we were doing all sorts of things and we weren't in a relationship. That's the definition of 'friends with benefits'."
"I guess..." Remus shrugs. "I just- I don't like that term. I feel like 'friends with benefits' implies there are no feelings involved. And there were."
"Yeah, that's true," Sirius smiles sweetly at him. "I guess, you're right. We were never really just friends, were we?"
"No, you weren't," Alice chimes in, coming up behind them with Frank and Peter in tow. "The first time I ever considered the idea of you two being together was that time in first year when I was in the hospital for burning my hand and you guys were visiting Remus. Sirius just hopped right on into your bed, Rem," she nudges him and wiggles her eyebrows. "That's when I first had the thought that you guys would be cute together."
"I feel like everyone knew about us before we did," Sirius says.
"Yeah, except for Frank," Remus sniggers.
"I knew there was something going on, but I didn't know what it was exactly," Frank explains and they all laugh.
"Where are the others at?" Lily asks.
"James and Mary are looking at the keychains at the front of the shop, and Marlene and Azalia are on their way over," Peter says, waving at the two approaching.
"Marls was wondering if we could leave," Azalia declares, giving Marlene an exasperated look.
"What? Why?" Lily frowns.
"She saw Dorcas," Azalia snorts and Marlene elbows them in the side.
"So? Just ignore her like you try to do at school," Mary shrugs as she and James make their way over to the group.
"It's not that si-" Marlene starts, but something behind Remus catches her eye and she instantly goes quiet, her cheeks reddening. When he turns, he finds Dorcas standing at the display table beside theirs, with Scarlett Stark at her side.
It doesn't take Dorcas long to notice them standing there. When she does, her eyes briefly land on Marlene and her jaw clenches slightly, but Remus can't help but think she doesn't look annoyed by Marlene's presence, just surprised. Then, her eyes jump over to Remus and she grins.
"Hey, Moo."
"Dork," he nods at her, smirking.
Dorcas jokingly rolls her eyes and turns to Scarlett. "Oh, uh, this is Scarlett. If you didn't know."
There's a round of introductions - even though Remus is pretty certain they already know each other because they have all been going to school together for the last six years. That, plus, he and Lily have had Prefect rounds with the girl for the past two years.
"Hey, guys, do you mind if I talk to you about something quickly?" James asks the two girls in a hushed tone, so that only those two (and Remus because of his werewolf hearing) can hear him. "It's about Reg."
James goes off with the two girls into the stacks and emerges a few minutes later with a frown on his face.
"What's wrong?" Remus questions, placing a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.
"I just found out that Regulus has been sending letters to Dorcas, so there really is no reason for why he hasn't responded to me and Sirius all summer," James shrugs, looking sad. "Maybe he's decided we aren't worth the risk after all."
"No, James, I'm sure that's not-"
"It's fine, Remus," James shrugs his hand off and steps away from him. When he looks up at Remus, his eyes are blank. "I'm just glad I don't need to waste my time worrying about him when he's clearly fine."
Then, he walks away and Remus can't help but feel worried. Not just for James, who is clearly very upset about Regulus' lack of correspondence this summer, but also for Regulus. He is Remus' friend, too, and he knows that Regulus would not have stopped speaking to James for no reason. There is also no way he would deem James and Sirius "not worth the risk". He's been hiding James in his life ever since he was thirteen, and Remus knows Regulus isn't the kind of person to give up or give in to pressure.
So, there must be another reason he has been ignoring his boyfriend and his brother all summer. And Remus is determined to figure out exactly what that reason is, the moment he returns to Hogwarts.
They arrive at the pub for Lily's gig not too long after they have eaten dinner at a restaurant. The pub is called 'The Hole in the Wall '. Remus has never come across it before, so he wonders if it's new. He knows a lot of Diagon Alley had to be renovated after the attack the year before. Maybe it was built then.
The rest of Lily's band mates are already there when they arrive, and they all sit at a table together and watch the other singers and bands play their music before it's time for them to go up and play.
Remus sits squeezed in between Sirius and Marlene. Their table is right against the left wall of the pub, so Remus risks taking Sirius' hand under the table. No one will see them here, and, if they do, then who cares? He wants to hold his boyfriend's hand, so he's going to.
Sirius smiles up at him the moment he locks their hands together, and it's all worth it just to see that twinkle in his eyes.
"Next up is the Weird Sisters," someone announces, drawing everyone's attention to the small platform at the front of the pub. There are a few spotlights hitting Lily and the rest of her band members, who all have their instruments in front of them and ready to go.
Right before they start playing, Remus' attention is caught by movement to his right. When he looks up, he notices Dorcas and Scarlett standing by their table. Dorcas says something to Marlene, who shyly gestures to the empty seat beside her. Remus cocks his head to the side, wondering why Marlene is openly inviting her least favourite person in the world to join them.
Dorcas looks just as shocked as he feels, but quickly drops down into the seat beside her. Scarlett sits at the end of the table, her eyes moving between the two girls curiously. Then, she glances down and smirks, so Remus follows her gaze.
He almost gasps when he notices Marlene slowly sliding her hand into Dorcas'. The two girls aren't looking at each other, their eyes are set on the stage, but that doesn't stop Dorcas from curling her fingers around Marlene's hand.
When Remus looks up, he catches Scarlett's eye and gives her a knowing smile. She returns it and they both turn to look back up at the stage.
Music starts playing and Remus watches as Lily comes to life on that stage. He hardly even notices Kirley and the others, too busy focusing on the redhead on stage who, only a month ago was too depressed to get out of bed. And now look at her. She's playing an original song with her band in front of dozens of strangers, and there's this smile on her face that Remus hasn't seen in months.
"Pandora would kill to see this," he hears Scarlett say.
"I'm taking lots of pictures," Mary responds from Scarlett's right. Remus doesn't think the two girls have ever spoken before, but he realises that doesn't matter. They must be familiar enough with each other by now, after having gone to the same school for so many years. "You can give her one the next time you see her, if you'd like?"
Scarlett looks a bit shocked by Mary's offer, as if she hadn't expected her to be so kind to a virtual stranger. But then, she collects herself with ease in that way that Remus has seen Regulus do multiple times in the past, and smiles.
"That would be great, thank you."
"No problem, Stark," Mary shrugs one shoulder. She slides a polaroid across the table to Scarlett, who picks it up and pockets it.
They cheer Lily on with each song that passes, and Remus can't help but keep looking back at Dorcas and Marlene's joined hands. At Frank and Alice, who are leaning into each other, with Frank's arm slung over her shoulder.
He looks down at Sirius as the line, "Those lips that gave me courage, those eyes that led me to her soul..." is sung, and he can't help but think of how much they remind him of Sirius.
Realising that he doesn't give a shit about who's paying attention, and gaining the courage he needs, he cups Sirius' jaw and turns his head to face him.
"I love you," he murmurs, low enough for only Sirius to hear, because those words are just for him. And then, he kisses him. Out in the open, for anyone to see. And he doesn't even care because nothing could spoil this. His heart bursts and something unfurls inside of him, causing him to open his mouth and kiss Sirius more deeply.
When he pulls away, Sirius is smiling up at him, looking so unbelievably happy.
"Je'taime, ma lune," Sirius whispers back. When he turns back to look at the stage, he leans his head on Remus' shoulder and shuffles closer to him on the bench.
Remus kisses the top of his head and he doesn't care who's watching.
He really doesn't.
***
Thursday - 21st July, 1977
James
James has been keeping himself as busy as possible since the summer started because, whenever he's left alone for long enough to think, his mind wanders to the fact that he hasn't heard from Regulus in over seven weeks now. And that very fact makes him feel physically ill.
He doesn't know if Regulus is done with him, or if he somehow lost his notebooks. Whatever it is, James knows it isn't good, he just has this feeling.
There's something very fucking wrong.
He wishes he could do something about it, but he doesn't know what the problem is, so how is he supposed to even begin to solve it?
Having Lily living with him has actually been really nice. On the days when his parents are nowhere to be seen, and when Mollie is busy with housework, James can go to Lily for company. Ever since Sirius and Remus' visit last month, she hasn't been locking herself in her bedroom for days at a time anymore. Of course, she still has those awful days where she just wants to seclude herself, but James never allows her to isolate herself for longer than a day at a time, knowing it isn't good for her but still wanting to respect her grieving space.
This summer, he's seen his friends a lot more than he has during past summer breaks. It's helped with the whole needing a distraction thing.
Today, Lily and James are going to the Lupins' and are planning to stay until the end of the weekend. Remus had sent them a letter, inviting them both over, after finding out that Sirius was busy visiting his Muggle family for the next couple of weeks, so he wouldn't be able to see him.
It appears Remus needs a distraction from the lack of Black brothers in his life, too.
James is lying in his bed, his packed trunk beside him, as he stares up at the small, flying Snitch above him. It's the one Regulus gave him just over two years ago, on the night they became official. It feels like lifetimes ago that they were just friends, and then in that in between phase where they realised they liked each other but weren't yet sure what they were.
To James, it feels like he's been connected to Regulus all his life. Like they've never been separated; even before they met, they were interwoven into each other's existence.
His door opens and he reaches up to snatch the golden ball out of the air. He tucks it into the pocket of his jeans as he glances up to see who is at his door.
Lily walks in slowly, an apologetic grimace on her face. "Sorry to barge in. I did knock a few times, but you didn't answer."
"I was distracted," James explains, sitting up and scratching the back of his head. "Time to go?"
"Yeah," Lily smiles at him. She looks like she wants to ask him to talk about what's distracting him, but he already told her a few weeks ago that Regulus hasn't written him all summer, so she already knows the problem.
"Okay, I'm coming," James says, stretching. He rolls off his bed and picks up his trunk before following her out of the door.
They arrive at the Lupins' just before dinnertime, which is around the time when Hope asked them to get there for. Apparently, she's cooking James and Lily's favourite meal, which just so happens to be the same thing - lasagne.
Neither of them can be bothered to apparate, so they travel through the Floo instead. They step through into the living room of Lupin cottage and are instantly hit with the smell of something cooking, wafting through from the kitchen.
A moment later, Hope comes rushing into the living room, an apron tied around her waist and her hair tied up into a messy ponytail.
"Sorry, loves, I was just checking on the dinner," she hurries to say as she bustles over to them. Hope pulls them both into a firm hug and James lets out a small wheezing sound that makes Lily have to clamp her lips shut so that she won't laugh.
"That's okay," Lily replies. "Do you need any help in there?"
"Oh no. If anyone is going to help me, it's gonna be that boy of mine," Hope says as she pulls away from them. James rubs his sternum subtly. "It's so lovely to see you both again. Gosh, it's been a long time, hasn't it?" She grins up at them, somehow managing to fall shorter than Lily, who is already relatively small in height. "Head on upstairs and make yourself at home. Remus should be up there somewhere. Would either of you like a drink?"
"No, thank you," Lily responds at the same time James asks, "Do you have any of that Muggle Coke stuff?"
"Always," Hope smiles as she leads him into the kitchen. Lily gestures to the stairs and then levitates both of their trunks behind her as she goes to find Remus. James follows Remus' mother into the kitchen and is grateful when she passes him a can of Diet Coke.
"Thank you," he says as he pops the tab open and takes a long sip from the can.
"Careful, you'll get those bubbles trapped in your chest," Hope chuckles. "Dinner should be done in about fifteen minutes. Why don't you run along and catch up with Remus, yeah? I'm sure he'll be happy to see you again."
"Yeah," James nods. He lifts the can slightly and adds, "Cheers again."
He wanders up the stairs and easily remembers which door leads to Remus' room. When he opens it, he finds Lily and Remus laughing inside.
"Oh, there he is," Lily announces as James enters the room, shutting the door behind him. "James, come here," she pats the spot on the bed between her and Remus.
James listens and sits down between his friends. "What are you guys laughing about?"
"Not laughing, just reacting," Remus corrects. "Lily told me about your engagement ring."
"My what ?" James coughs.
"The ring Regulus gave you," Lily clarifies. And oh, James knows what they're talking about now. Usually, there's a notice-me-not charm on the Ombud ring Regulus gave him, but that's only if he's actually wearing the ring. He had to take it off the other night when he was backing. Normally, he would leave it in his bedroom or his pocket, but he had forgotten until the last minute to take it off, and Lily had noticed. Knowing all there is to know about Ombuds, after a lot of research, Lily had decided on the fact that it was an engagement ring, even though James knows it definitely isn't one.
"Oh, yeah," James mumbles, twisting the ring around on his finger.
He had felt Regulus touch his sun necklace a couple of weeks ago, the one that James gave him for whenever Regulus misses him and can't directly tell him. He had originally thought that this was Regulus' way of saying, I miss you, but I can't find my notebook. But Regulus hasn't touched it since and, surely, if he really did miss James, he would have touched it sooner, which led James to the conclusion that Regulus had accidentally touched it, and that he didn't actually miss him.
"Have you heard from him yet?" Remus asks, sounding less amused now.
James shakes his head and tries his very best to breathe normally. "No, not yet. I don't think I'm going to either." He glances up at Remus and smiles sadly. "I'll see him at school, he probably just lost his notebooks."
Remus and Lily share a look over James' shoulder and then Remus' eyes return to his. "Yeah, I bet you're right."
"Speaking of engagements..." Lily smirks. "You know, if an Ombud means someone is engaged, and Sirius gave you his years ago, what does that make you guys?"
"Married by now, surely," James teases, perking up.
"With a child," Lily adds.
"Oh, at least two," James says, grinning. "He gave it to him back in first year. So, it's been about five years."
"That is true," Lily nods.
"Shut up, the pair of you," Remus tuts.
At that moment, Lyall pops his head into the room and gives Remus an unimpressed look. "Remus, is that any way to talk to your friends? You'd do best to not let your mam hear you say things like that to them. Dinner's ready, by the way."
"But, tad, it wasn't-"
"Yeah, Remus," James crosses his arms.
"That was so rude of you," Lily pouts.
"But I- it wasn't-" Remus throws his arms up, exasperated. "You know what, fuck the lot of ya." He shakes his head as he walks over to the door and passes his father. "Especially you, old man."
"Oi, come here," Lyall yells after Remus, a hint of amusement in his tone as he chases Remus off down the stairs.
"Well, that was fun," Lily smiles.
"It was," James agrees, getting up from the bed. "Come on, let's go and try to survive dinner with those crazy people downstairs."
Lily snorts. "Yeah, okay."
Friday - 22nd July, 1977
The next evening, they don't stay in like they had the previous night when they spent the evening watching movies in the living room with Remus and his parents. Tonight, they have dinner with Hope and Lyall, and then they go upstairs and waste the next couple of hours in Remus' bedroom chatting until the sun begins to fade below the horizon.
Then, at nine o'clock, the three of them head out of the house. There's a party in the woods, which they have been looking forward to all day for a few reasons. For Lily and James, they can't wait to catch up with Marie, Cara, Felix and Hugo; and for Remus, he can't wait to have access to some booze.
It doesn't take them very long to find the correct place in the woods, what with Remus' heightened senses, and the fact that there's a small bonfire that creates a cloud of smoke to rise into the air, acting as a beacon and drawing them in.
"James!" Felix practically shouts when he spots them. "Lily! I haven't seen you guys in ages. Where has Remus been hiding you?"
"Are you drunk already?" Remus arches an accusing eyebrow at his friend.
"Uhm, no," Felix says, sounding offended and absolutely looking drunk as he moves about with more expression than usual. "I have more weight... You know what I mean. I'm not a light weight, I'm a heavy weight. Yeah, that."
"Mhm," Remus hums, looking amused. "Where are the others?"
"Uh... Cara's topping up our drinks, Hugo is..." Felix casts a glance around the place. "Oh, he's talking to Charlie over there," he points to a few feet away where Hugo is talking animatedly with a blonde guy. "And Marie is busy throwing Justine's shit into the fire."
"What ?" Remus sputters.
"Yeah, we tried to stop her, but you know how she gets. Stubborn, that one," Felix shrugs. "Ah, here's the most beautiful girl in the whole-"
"Gross, stop being sappy," Cara says, grabbing Felix' mouth in her hand and promptly cutting off his words. She turns to Lily and James and smiles softly at them. "Oh, hey." Dropping her hand from Felix's face, she steps forward and hugs James.
"Oh, so you'll hug him," Remus crosses his arms, sounding grumpy.
"What's that all about?" Lily asks Cara, pointing at Remus.
"When he got back this summer, I didn't hug him and he hasn't let it go because he's a baby," Cara explains simply. She turns to Remus. "And yes, I'll hug him because you never bring him around, so I never see him."
James preens. He's always loved the way Cara cares about him. According to Remus, she isn't a very affectionate person, nor is she open about personal things. However, from James' experience with her, and after having shared letters with her for the last four years or so, he's learnt the exact opposite. Cara is just as loving as the rest of her friends, she just expresses it differently, and it's because of the fact that James understands that, that she doesn't mind being a bit more affectionate with him from time to time. Because he gets it, what it means for her when she does. And he would never take it for granted or point out the fact that it's out of the ordinary.
Really, she's just like Regulus.
"Anyway, I'm actually really glad you're here," Cara tells Remus, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the bonfire. James and Lily follow, and so does a very drunk Felix. "You need to stop Marie. She always listens to you."
Remus sighs. "Why can't Hugo?"
"He takes no for an answer. You don't," Cara shrugs before shoving Remus towards Marie, who James now spots. Her hair is shorter than it was the last time he saw her, only just curling around her ears, but still as golden as ever. She's sitting down on a log in front of the bonfire, a small crate of miscellaneous items in front of her legs. Every now and then, she picks something up out of the box and chucks it into the flames, watching as it turns to ash with blank eyes.
"Marie." Remus captures her attention easily. Her eyes fall on him and the haziness in them dissipates. A smile spreads across her face and she shuffles along the bench, making room for him. Remus sits down beside her and gestures to the box. "What're you doing?"
"Getting rid of the stuff that bitch left in my house after the break up," Marie shrugs. Without breaking eye contact, she plucks something out of the box by her feet and throws it into the fire, not even bothering to look at what she just discarded. "Clearly, she doesn't want it anymore, and this is therapeutic, so." She tosses another thing into the flames.
Remus opens his mouth as if to argue with her, but James watches as his eyes move from Marie's unwavering stubborn expression, to the box of Justine's things, to the fire, and back to Marie.
"You know what, you're right," Remus says, surprising everyone.
"Remus!" Cara tuts. "What is the point of you?" She drops down onto the floor beside him.
"No, Cara, she's right." Remus turns back to Marie. "You're right. You deserve some sort of closure, after everything that has changed in the last couple of years. So long as it isn't anything important, like medication, then go ahead and fucking burn it."
Marie's small smile spreads into a wide grin. She reaches forward and picks up the whole box before tipping it back and chucking the entire thing into the roaring fire.
"Fuck, that felt great," she releases. Then, when she looks up, she finally spots James and Lily. "Hello! Sorry you had to see that. How are you guys doing?" She steps forward and hugs them both. Lily looks slightly shocked, but that might be because Marie didn't used to like her much (back when she thought Lily fancied Remus).
"Not perfect, could use a drink," James tells her.
"Or seven," Lily adds, face serious.
"Well, fuck, let's catch up," Marie declares before throwing an arm over both of their shoulders and leading them towards the drinks.
An hour later, Remus' Muggle friends are all caught up on the drama in both James and Lily's lives. James is tipsy and on his way to being drunk, and Lily already is because she's a light weight.
"Wait, so he's just blanked you for the past two months?" Marie questions, referencing Regulus.
"Yes!" James points at her, feeling validated by her incredulous tone. "Something's wrong, right? Am I... right?"
"Heck yeah, there's something wrong," Marie half-shouts, raising her cider. "When you get back to school, you should give it to him straight- or gay, whatever, and say, Look, pal, either be with me all the way or fuck off, you prick."
"Alright, la copine," Hugo cuts in, gently lowering Marie's raised arm. "Let's not give James bad advice just because we've been drinking. He's been with this Reg guy a while, haven't you?" He aims the last question at James, who nods. "Right, so, it's probably really hard for him. He can't just tell his boyfriend to fuck off, especially if he loves him."
Marie rolls her eyes. "Well, I would tell you to fuck off if you ignored me for two months."
"Yeah, but you don't... I mean, we're not..." Hugo stutters.
Marie grins and leans into him, pressing a kiss to the boy's jaw, looking both drunk and utterly besotted. "I do. I love you, bachgen bert."
"Y-you do?" Hugo's eyebrows raise and his eyes widen ever so slightly in amazement, as if the very idea of being loved by Marie is implausible to him. He cups her face in his palms.
"Of course, I do," Marie whispers, her voice more soft now. Clarity bleeds into her features, counteracting her intoxicated state. "Yeah... I love you."
Hugo leans forward and kisses her, nothing more than a light snog because she's been drinking and he hasn't. When he pulls away, their foreheads meet.
"I love you, too," he murmurs back, smiling brightly.
James turns to look at Remus, who is watching them both with a happy grin. He meets James' eyes and his expression shows nothing but pure sincerity. Lily makes a drunken 'aww' sound at the same time Felix does, which has them both falling into fits of laughter.
"Lord, give me strength," Cara mutters, staring up at the sky.
James chuckles, knocking their shoulders together. She looks at him and he grins goofily at her until she laughs, too.
It's nice feeling warm for once. He feels so cold whenever he's left alone with his thoughts, but he isn't alone. He's in another country, surrounded by people he barely knows, but he's happy.
He wishes he could remember the last time he felt happy at home.
Notes:
TRANSLATIONS:
Je'taime, ma lune = I love you, my moon (French)
la copine = girlfriend/babe/baby (French)
bachgen bert = pretty boy (Welsh)MENTIONS:
- Scarlett pov!! I love her so much omggg <3
- Dorcas' mum is an icon just like her daughter 💜
- Basically everyone guessed it - but, yes, Scarlett is a lesbian!! hehe, I can't wait for you guys to see who I'm shipping her with :)
- DORLENE! FINALLY! AHHHHHH! there will be more on this later, and you will eventually find out exactly what happened during Dorcas' holiday in a future chapter hehe
- "the world is your chicken sandwich" - idk why that made me laugh so much 😭
- Lily is an icon in this chapter, giving it to Remus how it is 😌
- not Marlene having a lesbian panic in the bookshop when she saw Dorcas HAHA - honestly, I probably would, too
- Lily's band's first show! her dad would be so proud <3
- Wolfstar have hit a milestone! kind of.. they kissed in public - whoo! (again)
- Hope <3 Remus and Lyall <3
- Lily and Remus teasing James about his ring, and then Lily and James teasing Remus hehe 🤭
- poor James is still missing Regulus - AND YES, he felt Regulus touch the necklace during the last chapter..
- Felix and Cara, the cuties. and MARIE AND HUGO. AWW. I love them, your honour <3I don't think I have a set day each week to update this fic anymore. Honestly, the chapters are just going to come once I've written them (which should be around every ten days). Also, this was the last happy chapter until the end of this fic, basically... so, yeah. I hope you enjoyed it! :D Get prepared for the next chapter - Reg's pov is going to be intense..
Chapter 88: Sixth Year: Mother Love
Notes:
WARNINGS:
-brief mentions of war
-mention of terminally ill parent
-a character kind of goes through torture.. sort of..
-so. much. angst.
-brief mention of self-harm/blood
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I've walked too long in this lonely lane
I've had enough of this same old game
I'm a man of the world and they say that I'm strong
But my heart is heavy, and my hope is gone
~ Queen
Thursday - 4th August, 1977
Sirius
"-haven't really been up to much. I saw Astro yesterday before he went back home," Sirius explains through the mirror to James. They have been keeping in touch a lot more than usual recently. It's as if Regulus' absence has brought them closer together; they're both filling in the gaps left by him with each other. "Oh, and Jess sent me a letter. You've heard about him and Taylor now, haven't you?"
"About the pregnancy?" James asks. "Yeah, my mum gave me a lecture about the birds and the bees after she found out. Merlin, it was mortifying." He shudders and Sirius laughs in response.
"Just wait until they find out you're not straight," Sirius says. "My mum gave me a book explaining everything..." He grimaces as he recalls the memory. "Then, she told me to give it to Remus once I was finished with it."
James bellows out a loud laugh that rings through the mirror like the windchimes downstairs.
"What did the letter from Jess say?" He asks once he's calmed down enough to form a coherent sentence.
"Oh, it was basically just him complaining about how his father said he misses when Jess 'used to be gay'-" he holds his fingers up in quotation marks for that part, "because there was no risk of accidental pregnancies."
James winces as if he's the one who's dad has just said those words to him. "Well... at least the man's an ally now... sort of."
"Silver linings and all that," Sirius snorts.
"I forgot to say, Lily got Head Girl this year," James announces, making Sirius grin. "And I think she said Kingsley's Head Boy."
"Really?" Sirius cocks his head to the side. "I sort of thought they might choose Frank or Remus. Or even you."
"I think Kingsley makes sense," James nods. "He's got that whole authoritative stare thing going for him. Plus, he's probably the biggest advocate for the rules in our year, other than maybe Scarlett."
Sirius hums in agreement. The mention of Regulus' friend instantly dims the mood and Sirius can practically see James moping through the mirror.
"Still haven't heard from him then?" Sirius questions.
"Not a thing," James shakes his head. His expression surprises Sirius - he no longer looks sad, just resolved, as if he's tired with it by now. Sirius doesn't really blame him, to be honest. He's a bit pissed that Regulus hasn't written all summer, too, especially after having seen Dorcas in Diagon Alley, who told James that Regulus had been writing to her all summer.
"We'll see him in less than a month," Sirius announces, hoping his voice sounds reassuring, but worrying that it might convey the exhaustion over the situation as well. He tries to joke to ease the tension. "Then, we can gang up on him and force him to tell us why the hell he's been ignoring us all summer."
James releases a small laugh, but it's obvious his heart isn't really in it.
"Yeah, I just- I..." James sighs. "Actually, never mind."
"James, what is it?" Sirius asks softly.
James bites his bottom lip and then shakes his head. "Nothing, it doesn't matter. I actually have to go, but I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, later-" Sirius hardly gets the word out before James is gone.
Sirius tucks the mirror away under his pillow and sighs to himself. He hates how down James has been all summer, and it's all because his stupid brother is being a little prick who can't be bothered to keep in contact with them.
A part of Sirius wonders if there's an actual reason for why Regulus hasn't responded to them all summer. Perhaps his notebooks stopped working, or he lost them, or... or... or...
But then the frustration returns, because Sirius knows- he just knows that none of the above is true. Regulus is ignoring them and it's anyone's fucking guess as to why. Sirius knows that Regulus doesn't completely owe him anything - they have only really been brothers for a year - but James deserves more than this. Regulus owes James more than nothing at all.
Sirius wanders downstairs, hoping to grab a snack from the kitchen. He skipped lunch so he could talk to James instead, so he's starving, but dinner is too close for him to eat another meal now.
His mum is standing in the doorway to the living room when he approaches, her arms crossed over her front and her hip leant against the doorframe.
"Mum?" Sirius arches a curious eyebrow. "Am I in trouble?"
"For once, no," Andy huffs out a small laugh. Sirius tries to smile back but isn't sure if he's successful. "I may have overheard a snippet of your conversation with James. Is Regulus okay?"
"How much did you hear?" Sirius widens his eyes, worried that his mum might have accidentally discovered James and Regulus' secret relationship.
"Not much, just that neither of you have heard from him all summer," she shrugs and pushes herself away from the doorframe. "I have to say, it's nice that your friends are so concerned about Regulus."
Sirius follows her into the living room and tries to move away from that comment, knowing that James is much more than just concerned about Regulus - and he's much more than just Regulus' brother's friend.
"Mum, I'm scared," Sirius admits as he sits down on the couch beside his mother. "Reg usually keeps in touch over the holidays, but I haven't heard from him once all summer. What if they found out that we know about each other? Or what if he's decided he doesn't want me as a brother anymore?"
"Impossible," Andy shakes her head, sounding adamant. "You're a great older brother, to Dora and to Regulus. It can't be that, Sirius, okay? Don't ever think it's that."
He nods quietly but isn't sure if he's convinced.
"I doubt... they would have found out," she adds. "Orion would have told me."
"I thought he didn't have contact with you anymore," Sirius frowns.
"He doesn't, but he does send Alphard letters from time-to-time, and I still talk to him," Andy explains. "I would know if they knew."
"Okay," Sirius deflates in his seat. "Then, why?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know," his mum says softly, stroking some of his hair behind his ear gently. Sirius looks up at her with wide, helpless eyes, and watches as she melts under his gaze. "Mon trésor, it'll be okay. You'll see him in four weeks and then you can ask him for yourself."
"I know, but what if..." Sirius frowns again. "What if he isn't on the train? Or he doesn't want to speak to me?"
"Do you know any reason why he wouldn't be on the train?"
"...No," Sirius mumbles.
"Did you do something to him that would make him not want to talk to you?"
"No," he repeats.
"Then, you're worrying yourself about nothing," Andy says, pulling him into her side and running her hand through his hair. Sirius lies his head down on his mother's shoulder. "You're allowed to worry, that's not what I'm saying. Just don't let it take over your life, okay? Especially, when you don't know if there's anything to be anxious about in the first place."
Sirius nods against her shoulder, not sure if he completely agrees. Something is wrong, he knows it is. He can just feel it in his bones, like he's got some kind of metaphysical link with Regulus. He thinks it was probably always there, but they were just blind to it at first. Now, it's impossible to ignore with the way it's tugging at his heart, urging the rest of his body to follow it; to investigate and find out what the hell is wrong with his brother.
Because that's what is all boils down to, isn't it?
Something is wrong with Regulus. Sirius can feel it.
He just doesn't know what to do about it.
Saturday - 6th August, 1977
At his mother's request that he get himself out of the house for a few days, Sirius heads off to the McKinnons' for the first weekend of August. Marlene had written to him to let him know that her parents were going to be out of town for the weekend, so the house would be empty. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for him to finally get a distraction away from wallowing alone in his room.
Marlene's brothers, as well as Fabian and Gideon, are there when he arrives. Apparently, they're staying for dinner, which is something they do every Saturday, and then they'll leave the two teenagers alone.
They end up playing a few games of Quidditch in the back garden and Sirius catches up with Fabian and Gideon, who inform him that they are both currently fighting for the war effort.
"Are you working with Dumbledore?" Sirius asks, eyes widening at the idea that Fabian and Gideon are out there fighting on the front lines, risking their lives every day.
The twins share an indecipherable look, and Sirius can't help but notice how grown up they both look all of a sudden. All sense of mischief has vanished from their faces and has been replaced with small worry lines around their eyes. They both sport beards now, bright orange and bushy like their hair.
"Yeah, we're in the Order," Gideon nods.
"The Order?" Sirius frowns, looking between the twins for an answer.
It's Fabian who speaks next.
"You're about to go into seventh year, which is how old we were when Dumbledore approached us," he says, his expression uneasy as if he doesn't feel comfortable telling Sirius about this. He wonders if it's because they think he can't be trusted, or if it's because they still see him as the eleven-year-old boy he was when they met. Perhaps, it's hitting them just how young he still is. How young they all are.
"It's what Dumbledore's... side is called," Gideon explains. "The Order of the Phoenix."
"So, you're like the opposite of a Death Eater," Sirius whispers, not wanting to alert anyone else by speaking about such awful things. Marlene is still flying about with her brothers, the Quidditch games long since over.
"Pretty much," Fabian tilts his head to the side. "Except, we don't have tacky tattoos."
"Or masks," Gideon adds, grimacing angrily.
Sirius has never seen the twins look so serious before. It's a bit frightening, to be honest.
"Do you just fight the other side then?" Sirius questions, leaning back into the patio chair he's occupied.
"No, we have other jobs, too." Gideon's voice is tight, measured, like he's trying his very best not to give too much away. "We can't talk about it, though."
"Sorry, mate," Fabian smiles apologetically.
"It's okay, I understand," Sirius replies.
"So, Marls told us you and that Lupin kid are giving it a go," Gideon says, easily changing the subject to something less depressing. "How's that going?"
Sirius can't help it when a grin spreads across his face.
"Aw, look at him, Gid," Fabian croons. "He's smitten."
"Isn't he just," Gideon pouts. "It's going well then?"
"Yeah," Sirius breathes out. "It's... I finally understand what you and Edwin have."
Gideon smiles widely. He looks genuinely pleased, as if Sirius' happiness is something important to him. He thinks maybe it is.
Dinner is a bit chaotic, especially to Sirius who has been used to dining with only a few people at most for the majority of the summer.
They end up ordering in pizza from down the road and then the seven of them sit around the dining room table for dinner. Sirius ends up sitting between Marlene and Darius, who tells him all about his new job in the journalism department at the Ministry. Apparently, he is the main writer for the sports section now, which means he has to travel a lot for his job.
Then, he tells Sirius that he and Stella broke up after having been together for the last six years. They were engaged, too, which is the thing that really gets Sirius. He asks what happened but Darius just shrugs and says something about how his job made it harder for them to be together.
Sirius doesn't say it, but he knows that there is no job in the world that would be worth giving up Remus for. In fact, there's absolutely nothing he would give up Remus for.
After dinner, the older men all go back to their own houses, and Darius shoots off through the Floo back to Ireland - which is where he is currently working for the foreseeable future.
The moment they're gone, Marlene's smile drops from her face and an anxious expression takes it's place. She turns to Sirius and blurts out, "There's something I need to tell you."
"What is it?" Sirius asks, his tone panicked. He's never seen Marlene look so anxious before.
"I did something... possibly bad," she confesses in a whisper. "Definitely bad, actually."
"What?" He repeats.
"I... You know Dorcas Meadowes?" Marlene bites down nervously on her bottom lip as she awaits his response.
"Yeah...?" Sirius draws out the word, a hint of suspicion lacing his tone.
"I slept with her. Multiple times. Like, a lot," she admits quickly, her cheeks turning a blazing shade of red.
"You what ?" Sirius feels as his jaw drops open against his will. Out of all the things that he thought Marlene was about to tell him, that was not one of them. "How? When?"
"How?" Marlene gives him a look.
"I don't literally mean 'how did you do it'? I mean, how did you manage it?"
She whacks him with the back of her hand.
"Ouch! I didn't mean it like that, for Christ's sake," Sirius tuts as he rubs his arm. "Just- when did this even happen?"
"Well..."
And Marlene tells him everything. How she and Dorcas bumped into each other at Marlene's local pub, and how she invited her back to her house even though neither of them were drunk, so the "stupid" decision was just that. A stupid decision. (Her words, not his.)
Then, she proceeds to tell him that she invited Dorcas back over the next night, and the night after that. She tells him about the beach and what they ended up doing behind the arcades. Sirius only gets more shocked - and more proud - the more she goes on.
"Damn," he says once she's finished retailing everything to him, raising his eyebrows. "So, you lost your virginity to Dorcas Meadowes. You're living every lesbian's dream right now."
"Oh, you don't even know the half of it," Marlene says, rubbing her hands down her face. "Sirius, I'm so fucked."
"It sounds like it," he snickers.
"No, don't joke. I mean it. I'm- I think I might be-"
"Don't say you're in love with her."
"-in love with her," Marlene finishes, giving him a pitiful look.
"Fuck, McKinnon."
"Dorcas already did that."
Sirius snorts.
"Oh, there's actually more," Marlene declares and Sirius nods for her to continue. "Remember when we all went to Lily's gig a few weeks ago and Dorcas showed up?"
"Yeah?"
"We held hands under the table during the whole show and then ended up having sex in the bathroom," Marlene speaks so quickly, Sirius almost doesn't catch what she said.
"Holy fuck." Sirius lets out a laugh of disbelief. He takes a minute to gather his thoughts before speaking again. "What are you going to do when we go back to Hogwarts?"
"I don't know. My original plan was to just ignore her, but now it seems that every time we're in the same proximity of each other, we end up... well, you know." She raises a pointed eyebrow.
"Can I just say that I was fucking right," Sirius declares. Perhaps it's a bit insensitive of him, since Marlene is clearly going through some sort of crisis right now, but he can't help himself. "I said all the way back in fourth year that she had a thing for you."
"She doesn't have a thing for me, Sirius. I was just the person who was there," Marlene argues.
Sirius gives her a flat look.
"Stop looking at me like that," she tuts.
"But you're acting stupid, and you're not a stupid person, McKinnon," Sirius tells her. "Dorcas does like you, okay? It's so bleeding obvious." When Marlene makes a disbelieving sound, he continues. "Did you guys talk at all? Between all of the sex."
Marlene blushes again. "Uh, a little?"
"A little," Sirius nods. "About what?"
"I don't know. Our friends mostly..."
"And?"
"I guess, she said I was pretty a few times," Marlene mumbles. "But that's a given. It's not like she would have sex with someone she thought was ugly."
"Marls," Sirius sighs. "The woman likes you. You should just bite the bullet and ask her out already."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because..."
"Because?"
"Because she's Dorcas," Marlene bursts out. "I hate myself for it, but I like her too much to be okay if she ends up rejecting me."
"I get it. Believe me, I do," Sirius says, scooting closer to her on the couch. "But, Marls, what if she says yes?" She turns to look at him with wide, apprehensive eyes. "Who took whose hand first at Diagon Alley?"
"I took hers," Marlene replies in a mumble.
"And did she pull away?"
"No."
"Then, there you have it," Sirius exclaims. "You reached out and instead of rejecting you, she reached back. So, when we go back to Hogwarts, you should ask her out. She won't say no, Marls."
Marlene doesn't agree with him, but she doesn't disagree either, so Sirius ends up changing the subject, knowing that Marlene is over this conversation now. They end up talking about seventh year and how they think that will go. Briefly, they talk about the war, until the mention of it (and the fact that two out of three of Marlene's brothers are fighting in it - Edwin and Bobby) makes them feel sick and they move onto a lighter topic once again.
Sirius didn't know it then, but it was the last time he would ever set foot in the McKinnons' house. A place that held so many fond memories of their teenage years, and which would one day hold the most harrowing memory of all.
But that was still a little ways off for them, so, instead of dwelling on what could be waiting for them in the future, Sirius and Marlene spent the evening acting like the teenagers they were and trying not to think about the adults they were starting to become; because, after all, that's all they were in the end, adults in teenage bodies.
***
Sunday - 14th August, 1977
Regulus
Regulus has officially stopped answering his friends' letters.
At this point, he's not going to have anyone but Pandora in his corner when they return to Hogwarts because she's the only person he's not ignoring.
Dorcas keeps writing to ask him about what happened between him and Scarlett. Most of her letters consist of questions, as well as reassurances that the two can fix this when they get back to school.
Regulus doesn't have it in him to tell her that Scarlett will never forgive him and neither will she once she finds out the truth.
Apparently, Dorcas has been writing to Barty about what is going on between Regulus and Scarlett, because he's started receiving letters from him now too asking what on earth is going on.
Regulus isn't responding to him anymore either.
He hasn't read a single letter from Evan since that night when Scarlett told him that Regulus is a Death Eater, too afraid of what he might find. He doesn't know how he would feel if Evan decided he didn't want to be his friend anymore. Nor does he know how he would react if Evan told him that Regulus being a Death Eater didn't matter.
Either options don't instil much joy inside of him, if he's being honest.
Pandora is the only other person in the whole world who knows of his Horcrux plans, and that's only thanks to her gifts, otherwise Regulus never would have told her. He sort of wishes that she didn't know now, if only to keep her more safe for the war that they're about to be thrown into. However, he knows that wishing for impossible things is useless and a waste of time these days.
He doesn't write to Pandora, only once a week, because he doesn't want to get caught by his mother. That and Pandora has been attempting to hide Regulus' letters from Evan, who hasn't been receiving any of his own letters from Regulus.
It's the first day in a while that his mother has left the house without dragging Orion along with her. Regulus has been waiting for this opportunity for weeks, and it's finally arose. They need to talk. Now.
He heads off towards his father's office and finds it empty a minute later when no one responds to his knock, so he goes in without being granted entrance and realises his father isn't even there.
Regulus leaves the office and wanders down the corridor towards the stairs. He climbs up to the first floor and then the second, which is where his father's bedroom is. His parents haven't shared a room in years now, not since his father first got seriously ill.
When he approaches the door to Orion's bedroom, he knocks quietly a couple of times, not wanting to wake the man if he's taking a nap.
Slowly, the door swings open, giving Regulus clear view of his father lying in bed, his wand in his hand. He looks awful. His hair no longer holds any of it's black hue and is now completely grey and silver, matching his eyes. His skin looks loose and limp on his face, wrinkled in places it never has been before. There are bags under his eyes that droop low like an old dog's and resemble bruises. He almost looks like he was socked in the face.
A small smile curls onto his face and he sits forward, his withered frame shivering as he slides up the mattress and props himself up against the pillows behind his back.
"Regulus," his father says around his smile. His voice comes out croaked and weak, as if he's just spent the last half an hour coughing repeatedly.
It's difficult seeing his father look this way. It reminds Regulus of when Orion first got sick, back when Regulus was only three or four. They hadn't expected him to overcome it back then. In fact, Regulus is pretty sure his mother was already planning a funeral for him.
But then, Orion made a swift recovery after his health took a sudden one-eighty for the better. Ever since then, his health has never been perfect, not as it used to be. He has moments when he can't get out of bed, months at a time where he can't go into work, but he's always recovered. Always.
Regulus doesn't know why it feels different this time.
Perhaps, the hopelessness he's experiencing towards every other aspect of his life has finally started to bleed into this part, too. Maybe, his father will make another miraculous recovery at the last minute, just as he has done a dozen times in the past.
"Am I dreaming?" Orion asks, scratching at the bristly hairs that have started sprouting on his chin.
"Pardon?" Regulus frowns. His hand is still resting on the doorknob, frozen there by his shock.
"You can come in, Regulus."
His lips part around a sudden exhale and he finds himself ripping his hand away from the doorknob like it's just burnt him. Regulus takes a couple of steps into the room and listens as the door closes behind him. Every time his mind focuses a little too closely on how terrible his father looks, he blinks harshly to remove the image.
It doesn't work.
He thinks the sight of Orion withering away in bed will be permanently burnt into the back of his eyelids for the rest of eternity.
Apprehensively, Regulus approaches his father's bedside, feeling his trepidation like a rock in the bottom of his stomach. It weighs him down, making it harder for him to move his feet.
Orion gestures towards the chair next to his bed and Regulus drops down into it.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" The man asks, eyes soft and smile unchanging. There are wrinkles around his mouth that show evidence that Orion Black's life has not been entirely unhappy.
"I want to talk to you about Sirius," Regulus tells him. The words come out much calmer than he thought they would, and he realises it's because he isn't angry anymore. Clearly, the sight of his father dying in front of him is the cure for his rage.
"Oh. Uh... Your mother-"
"Isn't home," Regulus responds speedily. "I have been waiting for weeks to talk to you, and now is all I have, so please let me talk."
"Of course, Regulus," Orion nods once and then winces as if it's pained him. "Anything, my boy."
Regulus swallows. "I have had a lot of time to think about everything, and I have decided to forgive you for not telling me. I... I understand now, the sacrifices you have to make to keep a secret safe," he murmurs, dropping his eyes down to his hands. He takes a minute and then meets his father's eyes again. "I don't think I could ever forget it and a part of me will always be angry at you for it. Narcissa, too. But I don't hold it against you anymore, and I'm tired of pretending I do just to satisfy my pride."
Orion's dark eyes well up with unshed tears. He doesn't blink, almost like he's afraid that he'll scare Regulus away if he lets the tears fall onto his sallow skin.
"You forgive me?" Orion rasps. "It is fine if you don't. I would understand..."
"No, father," Regulus reaches forward and takes one of his father's wrinkled hands in both of his. He squeezes it gently and allows his cold mask to slip just enough for his father to spot the sincerity in his words. "I forgive you. I've forgiven Narcissa, and Sirius... he forgave... Andromeda ages ago."
Orion's eyes close briefly, like he's going to fall asleep, but then they flutter open and fall on Regulus. A couple of tears slip over his bottom lids and start trailing down his cheeks.
"What is he like?"
"Sirius?" Regulus asks.
Orion nods.
"He's uh..." Regulus clears his throat and frowns as he tries to think of exactly what words to use to describe Sirius to his father. A tiny, fond smile comes to his face. "He's funny, really funny. Usually, he's a bit of an idiot, but not intellectually. No, he's actually a bit of a genius when it comes to school. But he's silly, too... and he's kind." Regulus' eyes wander as he thinks of every good memory he's shared with Sirius over the last year. "He always notices when people are sad and he's really good at cheering people up.
"Ever since we found out we were brothers, he's been there for me. Every single day." Regulus lets out a small, huffed laugh. "He said he loves me." But I think that's going to change very soon.
A pleased smile makes it's way onto Orion's face, brightening it up. "He sounds absolutely wonderful."
"He is," Regulus confirms quietly, brows furrowing.
"What's wrong, Regulus?" His father asks, smile disappearing and being replaced with worry lines.
"Nothing... it's just..." He sighs. "Sirius is good. He's really good. He isn't going to like me very much after this summer."
Clarity shines in Orion's eyes and he tugs Regulus forward. Regulus, already knowing what to do because he used to do this all the time as a young child, moves from his chair to his father's bed. He lays down next to his father and rests his head on his shoulder. Orion lifts a hand and starts stroking Regulus' hair away from his forehead.
"Don't do it, Regulus," he whispers.
"Do what?"
"Take the mark.
Regulus lifts his head, eyes wide. "What?"
"Run. Please, for the love of Merlin, run," Orion begs, eyes shiny again. "Do you remember what I told you all those years ago? I left it too late and I got stuck in this family, but you- you're so much cleverer than I ever was. If you time it right, you can get out. For good. Now is the time, Regulus," his father tells him. "Please, go."
Regulus stares into his father's pleading eyes and, for the first time since he discovered Voldemort's secret, he actually considers leaving. He feels a bit like Andromeda, being told to run far away and hide. The desperation in his father's plea makes it all feel so real suddenly, as if it was a mere nightmare before.
But he can't run, and he can't hide.
He isn't Andromeda.
Regulus has a task to fulfil.
For once, he isn't going to be selfish and save himself. He isn't going to be selfish by choosing love over the world. He isn't going to let the world burn just because he was too scared to save it.
No, Regulus is going to save everyone.
Instead of running, he's going to protect everyone from the inside. Hiding would do nothing for him.
Regulus pulls away from his father and feels one of his feet hit the floor. He looks down at Orion and smiles sadly.
"I'm really sorry, father, but I have to."
Before Orion can react or try to change his mind, Regulus stands up from the bed and marches towards the door, leaving his father alone in the room once again.
When Regulus goes to bed that night, he checks on the Horcrux. It's something he's been doing every evening when he sequesters off to his bedroom. Not because he is worried it's no longer there - he can smell the dark magic emanating off it in waves the moment he enters his room - but because he is trying to learn as much as he can about it.
So far, he has discerned that it is a diary as regular as any other, with no particular value. It isn't like the books that are usually bought for Pureblood children, the leather feels too cheap for that, the pages too thin. It's completely empty on the inside, each page bare, not a drop of ink in sight. Also, the spine has only been cracked once, right down the middle, as if Voldemort only ever opened it to one particular page each time he used it (if he used it at all).
Regulus has attempted revealing charms for ink and other means of mark-making - like led and graphite - but has so far come up empty. At first, he thought Voldemort might have left a secret message on one of the pages, something hidden underneath a spell, but Regulus couldn't find it. If there is a secret message on one or more of the pages, then it's hidden well.
The only peculiar thing about the diary are the initials on the back, with the surname written out in full. He still hasn't figured out who T. M. Riddle is, though he suspects that's the Dark Lord's actual name. Who else's diary would he be carrying around with him? Also, why else would he turn a diary into a Horcrux if it didn't have special meaning to him?
Regulus has spent every spare moment he's got in the library, researching the name Riddle. It's reminded him of when he spent years searching for Andromeda, only to come up blank and give up.
He can't give up this time, he knows that, so he's just going to have to be patient.
Regulus has officially concluded that Voldemort is not a Pureblood, which made him laugh when he figured it out. It was the first time he'd laughed in weeks.
The man who has been going around spreading propaganda about how Muggles and Muggleborns are a stain to their community and need to be executed... is half-Muggle himself. The hypocrisy of it all probably shouldn't be as amusing to Regulus as it truly is.
Once he's done his nightly examination of the diary, he wanders over to his bed and calls for Kreacher to bring him a cup of tea. This is another thing he has been doing every night, though this little ritual started the moment he returned home for summer.
When Kreacher returns with his tea, Regulus subtly pours a couple of drops of Veritaserum into the cup. He's been adding half a drop more every single night - measuring it out beforehand and putting it into a separate vial that he keeps stored in his sleeve or under his pillow - and has been attempting to grow immune to the potion.
The mission he has given himself is dangerous for so many reasons, but the main one being: Voldemort is amazing at legilimency. Occlumency too.
Regulus wasn't entirely sure at first, but then Rabastan confirmed it to him during one of his rants about the Dark Lord, confirming to Regulus that he really needs to play this safe. If Voldemort ever starts to find him suspicious and decides to spike his drink with Veritaserum, he's going to need to know how to fight the potion, lest he give his whole secret plan away and ruin everything.
Who knows what Voldemort would do then?
Definitely kill Regulus, maybe torture him.
Would he go after Sirius? Or James? Or his friends?
Yeah, Regulus can't risk any of that happening.
Once he's finished his drink, he calls for Kreacher to come back and tells the elf to ask him three questions. Kreacher doesn't know why Regulus has been doing this to him all summer, but he's stopped asking. Regulus loves Kreacher, and he would like to trust him, but he knows he can't. Not with this. Not with the way house-elf magic works. Kreacher could be ordered by Walburga to tell him everything, and Regulus can't risk that either.
Kreacher asks his three questions and, by the third one, Regulus is able to alter his answer so that it is a version of the truth, rather than the whole straight truth that he blurted out after the first question.
He's getting better at this, but not fast enough.
After he's sent Kreacher away, he lies back in bed with the hope of getting some sleep tonight. Unfortunately, he ends up staring at his ceiling until sunrise, and only manages to get a couple of hours before Kreacher is popping back into his bedroom and letting him know breakfast is ready.
Monday - 22nd August, 1977
It's been a while since Regulus has tortured himself by looking through his notebooks. It's one of those days when he misses James and Sirius most, so he takes the notebooks and makes his way to the library, planning to spend his afternoon reading through the other boys' most recent messages to him. The ones Regulus has spent three months ignoring.
He has read all of the entries up until three weeks ago, which was the last time he cracked and read through the notebooks.
When he looks now, he finds twenty-one new messages from Sirius (one for every day) and only seven from James, who sounds rather frustrated, if his messages to Regulus are anything to go by.
Look, I don't know why you haven't
written back to me all summer, if it's
something to do with your mother, or you
lost the notebook, or if it's has something to
do with me, but I've gone past worry, and now
I'm just sort of pissed. I saw Dorcas and
Scarlett in Diagon Alley yesterday and Dorcas
said you have been sending her letters. I can't
help but think that you could have mentioned
something in one of those letters, even if subtly,
telling her to let me know that you're safe, which
you clearly are. I don't even know what to say... I
guess I will see you at school then. And you will.
Even if I have to corner you, you stubborn arse.
I just read back what I wrote a week ago and
I want to apologise. I meant it, but it was...
harsh, so I'm sorry. You are a stubborn arse, but
it's one of the things I love about you. I wish you
would write me back. I miss you so much,
I don't know what to do with myself.
Come on, love. Write me back.
Please. I miss you.
I didn't mention anything at the time, but I
felt it when you touched the necklace. Did you
do that on purpose, or was it an accident?
Maybe you really did lose your notebook and
that's just your way of letting me know
you're still here? I don't know anymore...
Okay, so, I got desperate... and I wrote to
Dorcas. She told me that you stopped writing
back the moment she mentioned me.
So, it is me?
Hello?
You know what, fuck this. I'm not writing
in this stupid thing anymore. I'll see you on
the train. Unless you hide from me there too.
Regulus feels something awful tighten in his chest at the idea that James might be giving up on him. He rereads James' crossed out words. So, it is me? And he hates that James thinks Regulus could possibly have an issue with him. That isn't even remotely possible. Scarlett was right when she said James was the best thing that has ever happened to him. If he could, he would keep him forever. If this war never existed, James would be his and he would never let him go, not for anything.
He now knows he is going to have to hide himself on the train, somewhere James won't be able to find him, because Regulus will be a Death Eater by then, and he will not let James stand across from him whilst believing anything less, and he refuses to reveal what he's done to himself on the Hogwarts bloody Express of all places.
His plan is to meet up with James on the first evening back, show him what he's done, and the rest will be all up to James. He'll break up with Regulus the moment he sees the mark on his arm, and they will be history. A lapse in James' judgement that he will never speak about again.
It will be the same with Sirius. He will pretend he never even had a brother and he'll move on with his life.
Regulus hasn't even lost them yet and he already misses them so much that he feels sick.
He is disturbed midway through rereading James' entries by the sound of the library door opening. It's heavy and groans loudly against the polished, hardwood floor when opened, which tells Regulus it isn't Kreacher who has come to interrupt his little self-torture session. Kreacher would just apparate to him if he needed Regulus.
Regulus closes his notebook and tucks it between the arm of the chair and the cushion in case his intruder is his mother. He does the same thing with Sirius' notebook and then Accios a book from the nearest shelf over to himself, making it look like he's been reading that all along.
Footsteps grow closer and Regulus' eyebrows furrow as he realises two things. One, they are not his mother's; she wears heels that tap, tap, tap against the floors when she walks, and her footsteps are lighter than these ones are. Two, he recognises the pattern of this person's footfalls, though he can't quite place them. They can't be his father's, since Orion has been completely bedridden since the ball.
The person rounds the bookshelf that Regulus is hidden behind and jumps when they spot him.
Of course, he should have known.
"Merlin, you made me jump. Why are you sitting there so quietly?" Evan half-hisses.
"Because we're in a library," Regulus says in an obvious tone, raising a patronising eyebrow.
Evan gives him an unimpressed look and crosses his arms. He glances down at the book in Regulus' hands and raises his eyebrows.
"Oh, so this is why you haven't been responding to my letters. You've been busy reading bedtime stories."
"What?" Regulus frowns and looks down at the book he's holding. It's a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard. "Oh, yeah. Very interesting stuff."
Evan snorts and moves over to the seat beside Regulus'. He drops himself into it and turns fully so that he's facing Regulus head-on.
"You have been ignoring me ever since Scarlett said..." Evan's sentence trails off, his eyes dropping to the floor.
"Go on, Evan," Regulus encourages, his tone bored. "Ask me. I know you want to."
"No, I'm not going to ask you anything," Evan says, eyes hard and burning right into Regulus'. "I already know. I mean, I wasn't sure before Scarlett confirmed it, but I've seen enough hints alluding to it in my dreams to have been suspicious." He clears his throat and his eyes soften a bit. "But, I also know... other things. So, I know you aren't exactly doing this because it's your top choice."
"What do you know?" Regulus asks, feeling a little bit of hope spark to life in his chest at the idea that Evan might know about the Horcruxes, too.
"I don't know why you're doing this," Evan explains quickly, obviously noting the hope on his face. It deflates the moment Evan speaks. "Pandora's dreams haven't given that away... yet. All I know is that you don't agree with him."
"Him?" Regulus echoes
"The Dark Lord," Evan responds easily. He doesn't seem to be fazed by the name, not like others their age are. "I know there's more to it, but I don't think I'm supposed to know what exactly it is yet. I guess I just wanted you to know that, I'm here. Maybe I don't understand exactly what you're going through right now, but I'm here anyway. You're not alone in this."
Regulus thinks if he could cry, he would be crying now.
Evan has basically just told him that he doesn't care if Regulus takes the mark, he's going to stick by his side anyway. He isn't going to lose him in all of this. Not yet, anyway.
"Aren't you going to lecture me about joining a terrorist group, Ev?" Regulus huffs out a small, self-deprecating laugh.
"No, I imagine you have your reasons, Reggie," Evan responds, sending him a cheeky smile. It slowly folds down into a frown. "My father wants me to join, too," he announces abruptly.
"He what?" Regulus practically squeaks.
The idea of Evan ever joining the Death Eaters makes him feel sick. Evan might not be the picture of a model human being, and his morals may not always be all there, but he is nowhere near evil enough to ever be one of Voldemort's loyal followers. Besides, Pandora would never stand for her brother doing that. She only hasn't lectured Regulus about it because she knows where his story ends and, apparently, becoming a Death Eater is a part of his path that leads him there.
"I told him no," Evan says, but something on his face tells Regulus there's more to the story. "He isn't happy about my decision, but it isn't like he can force me."
"No, they can't," Regulus agrees, not believing his own words the moment they've been spoken.
"There's one more thing I wanted to ask you," Evan says, shaking his head as if shaking away the bad thoughts about Death Eaters. "Nothing about the war."
"Ask away," Regulus sighs.
"I got made Prefect for this year," Evan says slowly, like he's waiting for Regulus to jump in an explain why. "I know you weren't made Head Boy, so that can't be why. How come you aren't a Prefect anymore?"
"I sent a letter to Slughorn, letting him know that I won't have time for the Prefect position this year, what with my studies taking up all of my time."
"Your studies ?" Evan's right eyebrow arches.
"Among other things," Regulus mutters.
"You're up to something, aren't you?" Evan whispers, leaning across the space slightly so that Regulus can hear him. "Something dangerous."
Regulus looks away from his friends, deeming not to answer at all. His silence, however, is answer enough for Evan, who lets out a stuttered sigh. When Regulus glances over at him, there's worry on his face, but it's mostly masked by something like determination.
"I won't ask you what it is you're doing, but the moment you need me to help you, I'm all in," Evan promises, and Regulus believes him. Even without having to know what he's agreeing to, Evan is doing it anyway, because that's who he is.
Regulus gets the sudden urge to hug him, but he doesn't act on it. Instead, he sits forward in his chair and turns back to look at Evan with a small, thankful smile.
Evan grins back.
Thursday - 25th August, 1977
"My birthday."
That is what Regulus had responded when Evan asked him when he would be getting his mark during his visit on Monday.
He wakes up on the morning of his seventeenth birthday, surprised that he managed to sleep at all. Last night, he threw up his dinner, thinking about what he would be doing the next day. He had spent hours just staring at his blank forearms, wondering which one would be tainted forever and which one would be left alone.
Looking at the clock beside his bed, he realises he must have only had an hour's sleep, possibly as little longer. He doesn't feel tired though as he drags himself out of bed and towards the bathroom to have a shower. As he walks, he notices the new looseness in his magical core. He's officially of age, which means he's allowed to use his magic wherever he likes, so long as it isn't directly in front of any Muggles.
He showers and gets ready for the day before heading down for breakfast. His mother informed him the evening before that he would be getting his Dark Mark that night, which meant he would have to spend the entire day with that dreaded pit in his stomach.
After breakfast - which neither of his parents were present for; his mother probably out and his father stuck in bed - Regulus went to his father's bedroom and was greeted with a troubled smile. He could tell his father was trying to be cheerful for him, but his panic about tonight only bled into his expression, ruining it.
He gifted Regulus a few presents, which he opened slowly, not as excited as he would have been only a year prior.
By the time lunch rolls around, Walburga has returned home and she orders everyone into the dining room. Regulus should have known that she would invite visitors. Luckily for him, there weren't too many insufferable people present. Narcissa and Lucius were there, and they brought Nico along with them. Bellatrix was present, though Rodolphus was not, and so were her parents.
Regulus half-expected Scarlett and her parents to come strolling through the door next, but, of course, that didn't happen. Scarlett wouldn't be joining him for this birthday, and he was just going to have to start getting used to that.
Lunch was uneventful. Regulus spent most of it slapping on fake, polite smiles and ignoring Bellatrix's small quips about how lanky he still was. He ended up seated beside Nico, who was a very well-behaved child and ended up giving Regulus all of his attention. He had bright, blonde hair, just like his parents, and grey eyes like Narcissa's. His cheeks were pudgy and pale, but smattered with brown freckles that made him look younger than three. He was almost four now.
Once lunch was over, Narcissa handed him a present, which ended up being a book. It was a guide to rare potions, something that instantly intrigued him just by the title alone.
He had dinner with both of his parents, his father getting brought out of bed with the help of Kreacher. Regulus wondered if his father hated being levitated about by his house-elf, or if he didn't mind. He seemed happy enough, though Regulus still spotted the worry lines between his brows that wouldn't disappear.
That was a couple of hours ago now.
Regulus is sitting in the library, his back to the window. He doesn't want to know how dark the sky is getting, even if he can tell based on the way the candles have lit themselves in their sconces on the walls. He knows that the moment night has fallen, he will be required downstairs.
Right now, he's trying to distract himself by reading The Tales of Beedle the Bard. He started reading it after picking it up on the shelf back on Monday. He understands what each of the tales actually mean now that he's older and not just some naïve child who takes things as they come.
He feels a bit like a child when Kreacher apparates into the room and gives him that significant look that tells him he's expected downstairs. And he's scared. Fuck, he's so scared. His fear swirls around inside of him like some kind of poison that's entered his bloodstream. His body goes cold as if he's just walked past a dementor.
But he doesn't allow any of this to show as he places his book on the side table and stands from his chair, following Kreacher downstairs.
Regulus is already dressed in his fanciest set of robes, due to his mother's earlier request. They are a dark black colour that feels all too fitting for what is about to take place.
Kreacher directs him to the ballroom, which surprises him a bit. He had expected this to happen in the sitting room, or maybe the dining room. Though, now that he thinks about it, that doesn't really make any sense.
His mother is standing outside the doors when he arrives, a proud smile on her face. Regulus hasn't ever seen it before, and he feels no satisfaction in seeing it now. She rests a gentle hand on his shoulder and gives him a little nod before waving her hand.
The doors open, revealing the ballroom and the people who are about to witness Regulus going through one of the worst things in the world. He recognises some of the faces, whilst others are people he's never seen before. Some are wearing silver masks, hiding their identities from him, which makes him wonder who they could possibly be.
He feels every step he takes like he's walking on the moon, gravity making his footfalls take longer than they should, before dropping heavily as if weighed down by anvils. He keeps his shoulders set straight, his head held high; the perfect heir.
The Rosiers are here, just Evan's parents, along with all of Regulus' family, including Narcissa. She stares on with a clenched jaw, expression void of any emotion, a complete contrast to her eyes, which are drowning with something like regret. He feels the urge to reassure her. This isn't happening to him because of anything she did, or because she couldn't stop it. This was his decision. There was nothing she could have said that would have changed his mind.
He spots Mister and Mrs Carrow standing off to one side with some of the masked people. Beside Bellatrix and her husband, Rabastan is standing, watching him with eager eyes.
As his eyes trail along the rest of his audience, he notices a burly-looking man, who he has never seen before. Regulus only focuses on him a bit longer than he does everyone else because of the man's peculiar appearance. He almost looks like an animal, his face covered in streaks of hair, whiskers growing out of his cheeks. His eyes are an ugly shade of gold that definitely isn't human. He's also much taller than the rest of the men in the room, and his width is that of two grown men put together.
Regulus blinks and looks away from the odd man. He makes a mental note to ask who he is later, if he can.
He notices that his father is not present and wonders if it's because he was too ill to get out of bed or if it's because he didn't want to watch this happen.
Regulus stops walking the moment he is standing in the centre of the room, the grand chandelier hovering above him. He feels the shadows in the corner of the room approaching him, as if their goal is to suffocate him in their darkness.
He almost doesn't notice as Voldemort follows him into the room, walking right for Regulus.
When he turns around, he spots the man and he briefly wonders if he can sense the part of his soul that Regulus has hidden upstairs in the floorboards.
He hopes not.
"Regulus Black," Voldemort greets him in that low, slippery voice of his. A handsome smile graces his face, distorted slightly. Regulus knows why now - it's because he's already split his soul six times. Technically, he should be dead by now. No one should be able to survive all of that.
Voldemort stops only a couple of feet in front of him, his posture just as well-kept as Regulus'. He seems Pureblood, but Regulus knows he isn't. He's a fraud.
A powerful one.
"My Lord," Regulus bows, never taking his eyes off the man. He keeps his occlumency walls up high and wonders if the man is even attempting to get past them, or if he doesn't find it necessary to read Regulus' mind. After all, what could the Black heir possibly be capable of that warrants Voldemort himself searching through his mind?
"Rise," the man orders and Regulus does. "Hand me your wand."
Regulus doesn't hesitate even though he wants to. Handing your wand to another Witch or Wizard is a massive show of trust, which is why he doesn't want to give it to Voldemort, and why he knows it's important that he does. Voldemort can have no reason to doubt Regulus, not one.
He tucks it into his pocket and then withdraws his own wand. He holds his other hand out and orders Regulus to roll his sleeve up. Once he's obliged, the Dark Lord wraps a cold hand around Regulus' forearm and takes another step forward.
Regulus is only slightly shorter than the man, having grown a significant amount in the last couple of years, so he doesn't have to tilt his head back to look at him. He examines the man's face, taking the opportunity of being so close to him, and notices the reddish hue of his eyes. His skin looks almost like wax, so smooth, too smooth. Not human. Not natural.
"From this night, until the night of your death, you will bow down to me. You will follow my orders without argument or hesitation. You will acquiesce. You will be a weapon in my war, and you will help us win, Regulus Arcturus Black," Voldemort announces, his voice low enough that Regulus thinks only a few of the closer Death Eaters could have heard him. "Is there any reason you think you would not be suited for this role?"
Regulus raises his chin and pushes back every memory of James, Sirius, Scarlett, everyone he loves... and he lets the coldness seep into his bones.
"No, My Lord. I will bow down to you. I will follow your orders without argument or hesitation. I will acquiesce. I will be your weapon and I will help you win this war," he recites, ignoring the bile crawling up his throat. "I am at your command, My Lord."
A sharp smile curls it's way onto Voldemort's lips, reminding Regulus of a snake, the way it curves almost all the way up to his eyes.
He tries not to tremble as he feels Voldemort's wand press into the skin of his right forearm. The little ache that comes from the wand stabbing into his arm is nothing compared to the white hot pain that shoots up his arm the moment the man starts reciting an incantation underneath his breath.
Regulus watches as something black, just like the shadows creeping up to him in the corner of the room, slithers up through his veins, igniting under his pale skin. He clenches his jaw to stop himself from gaping down at his arm. Something starts to spill out of Voldemort's wand, something like ink made of blood and dark magic. An image spreads up Regulus' arm, carving it's way, not only into his skin, into his bones.
He can feel his heart stuttering in his chest as he watches the Dark Mark make a permanent home on his arm. An arm that James used to run his fingers along, trailing up towards Regulus' hands, where their fingers would interlock, and James would hold them above his head as he kissed him and pressed him into the mattress.
He shakes the thought away, trapping it behind his mental walls, and doesn't allow himself to feel the regret he know he will later.
Instead, he shuts his emotions off, shoving them to the back of his mind where he can't reach them.
For James. For Sirius. For everyone.
The pain is so unbearable that Regulus' first instinct is to evacuate it from his body as soon as possible. He lets out a groan so low that he doesn't think even Voldemort heard it, and then he takes all of the pain and shoves it away with his emotions. Locking it up so that he can't even touch it.
It works just enough for his knees not to buckle beneath him as the pain starts to possess him.
Swallowing, his eyes jump up from his arm to meet Voldemort's red eyes. The man watches him back with intrigued curiosity. Regulus wonders if he's shocked by his pain threshold, or if he's finally seeing just how strong Regulus really is.
The vague sense of pain still lingers under his skin. It feels like his tendons are being torn apart, snapping like taut guitar strings. His bone feels like it's been beat repeatedly with something tough and metal, and his muscles feel tight as if he's been put under the Cruciatus Curse. His arms spasms, but Regulus tries not to acknowledge it.
He stares into Voldemort's eyes, which are swimming with something like triumph, and he wonders which of the two of them will win in the end.
When Regulus eventually makes it back to his bedroom (after having spoken to Narcissa, who looked troubled, Lucius, who congratulated him, Rabastan, who praised him for not pissing himself or passing out, as well as many other people he honestly couldn't name for the life of him), he heads right for the shower.
The first thing he does is try to rub it off.
The pain is entirely internal, not external at all, so it doesn't hurt when he starts scrubbing it with his sponge. His bones ache like a headache, but that's the only pain that lingers.
Of course, washing it off doesn't work. Still, he tries frantically, scrubbing and scrubbing until his arm bleeds. When it doesn't work, he drops down onto the floor of his shower and rests his head against his bent knees. He feels a panic attack coming on and he wishes more than anything that Sirius was here to help him through it.
Once he's pulled himself out of the shower, he dresses into his pyjamas and then stares down at his bed with a blank expression. He's wearing a long-sleeved nightshirt, even though it's almost thirty degrees. He doesn't want to see the thing on his arm. He wants to pretend it doesn't even exist.
Knowing there is no chance he will be getting any sleep tonight and not feeling up to staring at the ceiling all night, Regulus climbs out of his bedroom window and makes his way to the museum. He hasn't been once this summer. He's been avoiding it, knowing that he doesn't deserve to find solace in anything Muggle, not after what he's already done and what he's going to do in the near future.
Regulus climbs up the old, rusty drainpipe to the window he's been climbing through for years now. When he gets up to the window, he pushes it and... it doesn't budge.
Frowning, Regulus pushes it again, but it stays put.
He realises with horror that it's been fixed.
He's locked out.
He didn't bring his wand, so he can't even open it with magic, which means... the museum is no longer available to him. He's lost this, too.
A longing grows in his chest, a yearning to see Reverie, actual Reverie, not the version that the Room of Requirement cooks up for him. He wants to walk through the museum again, even if it is one more time.
He presses his hand against the window and wills it to open.
It doesn't and Regulus is left out in the cold alone.
Notes:
MENTIONS:
- not Andy giving Sirius a book about sex and then telling him to give it to Remus after 😭
- Sirius feeling connected to Regulus is just so cute :(
- Sirius and Marlene <3
- Not Orion begging Regulus to run 😭
- Not the messages in the notebooks... :(
- Evan is literally the best friend anyone could ever ask for - God, I love him so much <33
- brief Greyback shout out (eugh)
- so that happened... Regulus finally had his tattoo appointment. I'm so sad, guys, but somehow next chapter is going to be even sadder :(
- HE CAN'T GET INTO THE MUSEUM. no more Reverie. I'm not okay. goodbye.QUICK NOTE:
Next chapter, I'm doing something different... there are going to be multiple different povs. I'm also no longer doing Reg/Sirius povs and Remus/James povs in each chapter. I'm now going to just start writing from whichever pov helps with the progression of the story, which means we're gonna see some new povs soon :))
Also! Next chapter is when seventh year starts (I'm lowkey scared of what's to come sooo you guys should be too 😭)See you next chapter!! <3
Pages Navigation
hooneys2 on Chapter 1 Tue 05 Dec 2023 10:47PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Tue 05 Dec 2023 10:51PM UTC
Comment Actions
Maya (Guest) on Chapter 1 Tue 05 Dec 2023 11:46PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Wed 06 Dec 2023 12:43AM UTC
Comment Actions
asthestarsfall on Chapter 1 Wed 06 Dec 2023 11:00AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Wed 06 Dec 2023 01:45PM UTC
Comment Actions
Blackbrother2508 on Chapter 1 Wed 24 Jan 2024 08:29PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Thu 25 Jan 2024 06:20PM UTC
Comment Actions
not_rab on Chapter 1 Sat 11 May 2024 04:57PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sat 11 May 2024 07:23PM UTC
Comment Actions
klarolinexluv on Chapter 1 Sat 06 Jul 2024 04:40AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sat 06 Jul 2024 07:48AM UTC
Comment Actions
(Previous comment deleted.)
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Fri 08 Nov 2024 12:26AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 08 Nov 2024 12:28AM UTC
Comment Actions
(Previous comment deleted.)
(Previous comment deleted.)
(Previous comment deleted.)
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Fri 08 Nov 2024 09:03AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 08 Nov 2024 09:29AM UTC
Comment Actions
Emma_Marauders on Chapter 1 Wed 05 Feb 2025 01:58AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Wed 05 Feb 2025 08:22AM UTC
Comment Actions
Account Deleted on Chapter 1 Sun 09 Mar 2025 08:34AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sun 09 Mar 2025 10:58AM UTC
Comment Actions
Froggo1234 on Chapter 1 Sun 16 Mar 2025 11:07AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sun 16 Mar 2025 08:09PM UTC
Comment Actions
Goodluckandgodspeedgoodsir on Chapter 1 Mon 07 Apr 2025 05:26AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Mon 07 Apr 2025 08:13AM UTC
Comment Actions
i_atent_ded on Chapter 1 Mon 23 Jun 2025 02:31AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Mon 23 Jun 2025 08:24AM UTC
Comment Actions
ffranky1301 on Chapter 1 Sat 19 Jul 2025 04:14PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sat 19 Jul 2025 04:23PM UTC
Comment Actions
A1shwar4a on Chapter 1 Fri 01 Aug 2025 02:18PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sat 02 Aug 2025 11:10AM UTC
Comment Actions
A1shwar4a on Chapter 1 Sat 02 Aug 2025 11:42AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sat 02 Aug 2025 04:29PM UTC
Comment Actions
A1shwar4a on Chapter 1 Sat 02 Aug 2025 04:33PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sat 02 Aug 2025 07:50PM UTC
Comment Actions
StarryyVenus on Chapter 1 Tue 12 Aug 2025 01:56AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Tue 12 Aug 2025 11:17AM UTC
Comment Actions
StarryyVenus on Chapter 1 Tue 12 Aug 2025 02:20PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Tue 12 Aug 2025 03:19PM UTC
Comment Actions
supa_trooper on Chapter 1 Fri 05 Sep 2025 05:59PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 1 Sat 06 Sep 2025 07:32AM UTC
Comment Actions
regschampagneproblem on Chapter 2 Fri 08 Dec 2023 01:05PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 2 Fri 08 Dec 2023 01:29PM UTC
Comment Actions
asthestarsfall on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Dec 2023 10:35AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Dec 2023 11:16AM UTC
Comment Actions
asthestarsfall on Chapter 2 Sun 10 Dec 2023 12:35AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 2 Sun 10 Dec 2023 08:25AM UTC
Comment Actions
loonyroons223 on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Dec 2023 07:23PM UTC
Comment Actions
loonyroons223 on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Dec 2023 07:26PM UTC
Last Edited Sat 09 Dec 2023 07:27PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Dec 2023 07:56PM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Dec 2023 07:55PM UTC
Comment Actions
mirror_leaf on Chapter 2 Tue 30 Jan 2024 09:13AM UTC
Comment Actions
starsarestories on Chapter 2 Tue 30 Jan 2024 04:06PM UTC
Comment Actions
Pages Navigation