Chapter Text
Tuesday, October 31st, 11:00 p.m.
The party was loud, obnoxious, and the smell of booze permeated the air, sure to stick to the skin of everyone in attendance by morning. Gaara hated parties. He mostly hated having to be around other people at parties if he were to be honest because navigating through a house filled with drunk, clumsy, giddy people was awful on his nerves and patience. He had never really been a fan of parties at all, not even when he was still in high school and should have been into parties. It was too much work trying to socialize when he usually never had the urge to otherwise.
Lee had invited him, though, and he didn’t have the heart to say no to him. A pain, really, and one Lee used to his advantage as much as possible. Ah, well. It wasn’t like Lee threw bad parties because honestly, ever since he and Sakura got together a couple of years ago, the already cool parties had morphed into amazing parties. By normal people’s standards, at least. Gaara found them all to be horrid pits of booze, fumbling, and loud music. Though he had to admit that this party in particular definitely put a lot of previous ones to shame. See, it was a Halloween party, and Lee and Sakura were both very big Halloween people. Holiday people in general, really, but Sakura had a particular soft spot for Halloween.
The music was good, as far as music went. It wasn’t cheesy halloween music, save for the occasional round of “Monster Mash” that came on after every five or six songs. The lighting was good, mostly purples and reds scattered through the two story home. Sakura’s parents' house, though they were out of town for the week. The decorations were pretty good too, if you asked Gaara, a nice mixture of insanely cheesy and oddly realistic. Cheap plastic bats dangling from doorways and startling animatronic spiders that jolted out from under the food and snack tables when someone ventured too close and triggered the cleverly hidden pressure switch for them. Funny when it happened to someone else but jarring if it happened to you. Gaara had fallen victim to one a half hour ago and was still a little on edge about it.
Costumes were optional. They were all adults, varying ages of guests being between twenty three and thirty at the oldest, though it seemed most people took the excuse to lean into their childish sides. Girls and guys in skimpy cat suits. People with gleaming vampire fangs or plastic horns. Even a few stupid costumes, like a duo Gaara didn’t recognize in a hideously corny ketchup and mustard matching ensemble. There were so many costumes, both small discrete ones and lavish, overly enthusiastic ones.
Gaara, while being a huge and avid fan of horror media, didn’t exactly want to look like a fool in front of his friends or the various other strangers that had been invited that his friends knew but he didn’t. He settled for heavy black eyeliner, letting it smudge all over, with black ripped jeans and an old long sleeved black, worn out t-shirt with a picture of some 90’s movie slasher on it. It wasn’t exactly a far cry from how he usually dressed but this particular pair of jeans he hadn’t touched in months and the shirt…gods, he was pretty sure he bought it back in high school. It was just enough effort to avoid any pouting from Lee.
Speaking of Lee, he was dressed like Spiderman. An interesting choice, though it looked good on him. Lee had been talking for the last few minutes and Gaara had tuned out a while ago, nodding when it seemed correct. That was part of their dynamic; Gaara was quiet and Lee was amazing at filling the silence. Gaara tuned back in, though, because he didn’t want to be entirely rude.
“A bummer your brother and sister couldn’t come.” Lee leaned back against the wall, waving at some guy that walked by them. Jesus, he and Sakura knew a lot of people outside of their usual groups of friends. The bottom floor of this house was packed. “Kankuro loves Halloween parties.”
“He’s just as bummed as you are.” Gaara replied, his voice straining a bit to be heard above the music. The two of them were too close to one of the speakers. Ugh. Gaara brought the wine cooler in his hand to his lips and took a sip. “He thought about calling out of work tomorrow so he could come to the party but Kiba talked him out of it.”
“Kiba is a good influence on your brother.” Lee snickered a little bit. Yes, that was true. Kiba dating Kankuro had been a blessing, honestly. “I’m sure Kiba will party enough for the both of them. I’m surprised Shikamaru came, though. I thought for sure he’d be with Temari.”
“Nope. Kiba drug both of us.” Gaara muttered with no real annoyance in his voice. “Shikamaru is, allegedly, our designated driver tonight but I think I saw him being dared to do shots with Ino and Sakura earlier.”
Lee winced a bit. “Oh, yeah, I saw that too.” He reached out to pat Gaara’s shoulder a bit. “Well, you guys can crash here if you want. We’re chasing out everyone except for any of the usual, anyways.”
“The usual” meant their usual friend group. Most of which Gaara knew, some better than others. They’d all been linked together since high school in some way or another and despite the crazy years of college and work since then, they’d all sorta stuck together. Even if some of them couldn’t stand each other. Like how Gaara couldn’t stand the person his eyes caught sight of in the middle of the giant living room.
Naruto Uzumaki. The golden boy everyone loved. The most aggravating human being to ever exist, in Gaara’s opinion. Hate was a little too strong of a word, but Gaara couldn’t stand him. His entire high school existence was splashed with bloody knuckles and black eyes because of Naruto, because of all the fights they had gotten into over…well, over anything and everything. Things had settled since graduating and no longer being forced into close proximity to each other, but the two of them had mutual friends. Nearly all of Gaara’s friends were also Naruto’s friends so they were still part of each other's lives, constantly skirting on the outskirts of each other’s patience with snide remarks and venomous comments wherever they could fit them in.
Gaara didn’t plan on still having this dynamic with Naruto at their age. Twenty five seemed like a good age to get over it but he just..couldn’t. Every time he saw the other’s face it filled him with something sick and hot, like an angry bubble in his gut. “I didn’t know Naruto came, too.”
Lee blinked in surprise and followed Gaara’s gaze. He spotted Naruto dancing without a care in the world, dressed as what Gaara assumed was meant to be a sexy fox. Short orange shorts. Tight orange crop top. Little orange fox ears on a headband nestled in his blonde hair. He was having the time of his life in the giant living room that had been turned into a sort of dance floor area. Ugh . Lee chuckled a little. “Oh, there he is. I saw him run off with Neji a bit ago but I haven’t seen him since.” He looked back at Gaara, no doubt seeing his scowl. He scoffed and shoved at him a little. “Oh, come on. You knew he would be here.”
“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to look at him this early into the night.” Gaara replied smoothly, taking another sip from his wine cooler. “What the hell is he even wearing?”
“Uh, he’s a fox?” Lee drawled, as if Gaara’s irritation was the funniest thing in the world. “A sexy one, at that, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Don’t start with that crap.” Gaara shot his best friend a sharp glare, his scowl only deepening. The fast paced pop song that was playing was melding into another round of “The Monster Mash”. Gaara finished off the remainder of his wine cooler and placed the empty bottle on the snack table next to him. He’d get it later. Probaby.
“Gaara come on,” Lee stressed, nudging Gaara in the arm with his elbow. “You have to admit that it’s a pretty cute costume. Totally fits him.”
Gaara swatted Lee’s arm away from him and shook his head, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Why you all think I want to have sex with him is beyond me but you have got to stop.” It was an annoying little thing their friends had picked up in the last couple of years. They were convinced that the remaining tension left between the two of them was just…sexual tension. That they were both attracted to each other in a way that made them want to lay hands on each other in any way possible. It was absurd, of course, because Gaara had never once found himself viewing Naruto in any sort of sexual fashion and he was pretty fucking sure Naruto felt the same about him. Not that it stopped their friends from saying it anyways. All the fucking time.
“Lee, I love you but if you say that to me one more time I swear I’ll kill you.” Gaara’s voice was annoyed, though held no real venom. Yet.
Whatever Lee was going to say in response was cut off by a new voice. A voice that made Gaara sigh heavily. Naruto .
“Yo, Lee!” Naruto pushed his way through the mess of people dancing and standing about, a wide grin on his lips as he came to stand in front of them. “Sorry I totally vanished on you earlier. Neji and I got to talking and I forgot where I left you.” His blue eyes landed on Gaara and instantly he stood up a little straighter, lips twitching into something closer to a smirk. Ugh, Gaara hated that smug smirk. “Gaara. Surprised to see you. Thought you were allergic to being a normal person.”
Gaara rolled his eyes. “That’s not even a creative insult, Uzumaki.” he crossed his arms over his chest, looking the blonde up and down. “Seems like your brain shrunk with the amount of your clothing. Not that there was much brain there to begin with.”
“Oh sick burn.” Naruto sneered, a hand on his hip. He looked back at Lee, having the audacity to appear exasperated. “I’m gonna go before your friend here starts hissing and biting.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Uzumaki.” Gaara pushed himself off the wall, shouldering past Naruto with a little more force than he really should have used. “I was just leaving to get a drink. Have all the fun you want.”
Gaara tried to hurry away before either of them could rile the other up even more. He heard Naruto’s annoyed scoff, though, followed by his next words to Lee: “That guy is such a jerk, I swear to god. He should have stayed home if he was gonna be a buzzkill.”
Ugh . Gaara’s skin was buzzing, irritation flowing through his veins. It was always like that with the two of them, though this was at least a tamer encounter than others had been. They were both adults now and despite how good it felt to kick each other’s asses, neither of them were fond of ruining their friends' events for the sake of an age long grudge. They had a little more impulse control than they did in high school, at least.
Gaara made his way into the kitchen, a huge room with sparkling granite countertops covered with treats of all kinds. Cupcakes that looked like little ghosts. Bowls of candy. Platters of foods and dips and all sorts of little treats. He shook his head fondly; Sakura must have been preparing food for days before the party. He’d have to compliment it the next time he ran into her, wherever she was in this mass of talking and dancing bodies. He found Kiba seated on one of the counters, a shot glass in his hand as he laughed loudly with another friend of theirs, Tenten. Kiba caught sight of him and waved him over, practically beaming at him as he approached. “Gaara, hey! I was wondering where you were!” He was dressed as a stereotypical werewolf and Tenten was one of the many vampires at the party, complete with a cute little cape attached to her shoulders.
“I was with Lee.” Gaara muttered, leaning back against the counter with a sigh. “Then Uzumaki showed up.”
“Ah, jeeze, this again.” Kiba gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes, shoving his shot glass into Gaara’s hands with enough force to have rum splashing onto Gaara’s fingers. Gaara scowled but Kiba didn’t seem phased at all. “Take a shot, man. All that repressed sexuality is literally going to kill me if you keep at it like that tonight.”
“You got that right.” Tenten snorted, hiding a laugh behind her hand. She wasn’t phased at all by Gaara’s glare, though to be fair she wasn’t phased by much anyways. She waved off Gaara’s sharp glare, reaching for a wine cooler on the counter next to where Kiba sat. “Don’t even look at me like that, Gaara. The sexual desire practically oozes off the two of you when you’re in the same room.”
“Fucking hell,” Gaara shoved Kiba back a bit with his free hand, keeping the shot glass in his other. Despite how he looked and despite how he acted in highschool, Gaara was not that fond of drinking. A small drink here or there, sure, but he didn’t like to get wasted the way most of his friends did. He had gotten that mostly out of his system a long time ago and was content with a simple wine cooler and then some water. However, his head was starting to throb from the music and the mere idea that Naruto was talking about him to Lee, and probably their other friends now that they crossed paths, made his skin crawl. He could handle a few drinks tonight. How else was he going to deal with his friend's idiotic comments all night long?
As it turned out about an hour later, “a few drinks” was the worst choice ever. He swore that the next time he told himself he’d have “a few drinks” it would be the devil talking and he’d swiftly turn and run.
His head was throbbing and his stomach churned sickly, hot and heavy with rum and whatever else Kiba and Tenten and…Ino, maybe, had pushed into his hands. He couldn’t remember exactly; faces were blurring in his mind. The party had seemed to swell with life, maybe a surge from the booze finally hitting everyone all at once. The kitchen had become a suffocating pit of bodies and excited chattering and, even in his mostly drunk state, it was too much noise for Gaara to handle. He had broken away from the noise, stumbling up the stairs and throwing himself into the first bedroom he found, shoving the door shut behind himself. Almost instantly the music and noise of the party grew faint, an almost loud humming from beyond the door and underneath the floor.
Thank god, it was quiet.
Gaara shuffled to the bed in the center of the room and he collapsed onto it, pressing his face into the sheets. They smelled vaguely of lavender, the scent of the fabric softener Sakura used when she did laundry. He lifted his head for a moment, taking in the plain white walls and the cream colored curtains over the large window. Ah. The guest room of Sakura’s house. Right.
Shoving himself up more, Gaara fished through the pockets of his old, tight jeans and whipped out his cell phone. His eyelids were heavy as he forced himself to focus on the screen, at the messages his siblings had sent him. A few texts to make sure he was okay. One text in particular from his sister asking him to make sure Shikamaru didn’t drink too much.
Shit. Gaara hadn’t seen Shikamaru in hours. He was lost to the crowd down there, no doubt, and probably drunk like the rest of them. Seems they would be sleeping over instead of going home tonight after all. Shikamaru’s attempt at being the sober one this time was a miraculous failure but oh well. It was Halloween. Shikamaru, as tight of a leash as he kept himself on, needed a night to act up and have fun.
Gaara was barely able to type out a quick text to his sister that they’d be sleeping over after all, fingers fumbling over the screen as he misspelled and retyped every other word. Drunk texting was an admirable mission, sure, but definitely a pain in the neck. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and sighed heavily, bringing a hand up to rub at his face. Every movement made his stomach lurch, like the copious amount of alcohol would fly back up his throat any second. It wouldn’t, of course, and he knew that. He wasn’t the type to throw up no matter how drunk he was, which meant his hangovers the next day were always miserable. In highschool he had relished in being able to drink until he blacked out without a fear of throwing up. Now that he was older, though, he really wished his body had that sort of hard stop feature. At least then most of the damn booze would be out of his system by morning.
He was thinking about falling onto his back and letting sleep claim him, feeling lucky that he had discovered the empty guest room first, when stumbling footsteps coming closer and closer to the door made his eyes narrow. He shot to his feet, head swimming, as the door flew open and an all too familiar head of blonde hair came tumbling in.
Naruto all but fell into Gaara’s arms, gripping onto his shirt and snickering lightly. Gaara blinked in surprise and scowled, feeling the blonde swaying where he stood.
Drunk as hell, of course.
“Heeey, there ya are, Gaara.” Naruto glanced up at him with a small smirk on his lips, forcing himself to stand up straight. He swayed again, though, and didn’t let go of Gaara’s shirt for support. He squinted a bit and then looked around, almost confused. He had lost his fox eared headband on the way upstairs, it seemed, and his hair was an absolute wreck. “Huh? This isn’t the bathroom…”
“Idiot.” Gaara hissed, shoving Naruto’s hands away to try and get at least a little distance between the two of them. He was too drunk for this, for dealing with a drunk and rowdy Naruto Uzumaki. “This is the guest room. Bathroom is across the hall.”
“Don’t gotta yell at me.” Naruto scoffed. His smug demeanor, however, didn’t last long. His smirk faltered, lips trembling a little, and his hand flew up to cover his mouth. “Oh, man, I think tha’ last drink is comin’ back up…”
Gaara went rigid. Nope. Nope. He was not going to be cleaning vomit off of Sakura’s guest room carpet. “Get out of here!” He hissed, grabbing Naruto’s arm and dragging him towards the door.
Moving a drunk person too quickly was probably not the best idea. Moving a drunk Naruto, of course, was probably just some cosmic joke the universe was deciding to play on him tonight. Naruto’s knees buckled a bit and he heaved forward with a horrible retching sound and Gaara felt the moment his bad night turned into a horrible night.
“You did not just throw up on my fucking shirt!” Gaara yelled, a little louder than he meant to, shoving the other way with enough force to have the blonde stumbling into the bed.
Naruto should have looked mortified. He should have been apologizing. He should have been doing whatever the fuck a normal person would have done after puking all over someone at a party. Instead, the blonde wiped at his mouth and started to laugh as he plopped down on the bed. “Aww, sorry bout that~ hope it’ll wash out easily."
In that moment Gaara swore his vision went red. Hot and angry. The disgusting feeling of vomit slowly seeping into his shirt, the infuriating sound of Naruto snickering as he fell back onto the bed. Even drunk off his ass Naruto managed to be the most annoying person on the face of the planet. And rude, too, if the way he thought puking all over Gaara was funny.
Breathe Gaara. In and out.
Several years of therapy and impulse management nearly shattered by Naruto’s vomit.
Gaara sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. No, he absolutely was not going to start a physical fight over this. Naruto was drunk and no matter how upset he was, it was sort of a cheap shot to punch a drunk man. Even if said drunk man deserved it. Instead of giving in to the impulse prickling his brain Gaara carefully pulled off his now ruined shirt and grimaced, tossing it in a little trash bin by the side of the bed. “You’re the worst, you know that?”
Naruto laughed loudly at that but, thankfully, didn’t move from his spot sprawled out on the bed. “Aww, I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Gaara scowled in the other’s direction, hand lingering just before the doorknob. He could leave. That would be the smart thing. Leave so that Naruto could pass out in peace and leave it at that. He didn’t exactly like the idea of walking back downstairs without a shirt though. If it were just his friends down there then sure, it would be alright, but the house had at least two dozen other people he didn’t know at all and that was a situation that made him sick to his stomach just to think about. He brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, sighing loudly. Well, he’d just have to stay here, then.
“You’re still here?” Naruto, head lifted, was watching him when he turned back around. He seemed to struggle to focus before laying his head back down, kicking his legs a little bit. “Get outta here, dude, I’m recovering .”
“Trust me, I’d love nothing more than to leave.” Gaara made his way across the room and sat on the edge of the bed, grimacing again as a wave of sickness washed over him. Yeah, he wasn’t going to be drinking again any time soon. He didn’t miss feeling like this one bit. He sighed for what felt like the thousandth time that night before resigning to his fate, falling back onto the bed. “You’re just going to have to shut up and share space with me for a while. You ruined my shirt and I’m not going down there without one. So, once you’re feeling better, get out.” There was enough space between the two of them to fit an entire person and yet it still felt too close for comfort. It was like they were in high school again, honestly. It was an old irritation that Gaara was too familiar with.
“Bossy.” Naruto heaved a yawn as he spoke and Gaara was pretty sure his words hadn’t been received by the other at all.
Gaara squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight off the nausea washing over him. He felt the bed jolting a bit here and there as Naruto thrashed about, huffing drunkenly and giggling every so often to himself. Gaara only squeezed his eyes tighter. “Will you stop moving?”
“Shut up,” A pillow hit Gaara in the face. Naruto stilled, though, and heaved another loud yawn. “ You can leave when you feel better. I’m stayin’ right here. Can’t chase me outta here, jerkface. Lee isn’t here to give you whatever you want.”
Gaara decided not to dignify that with a reply. He was going to rest his eyes, and his stomach, and Naruto would eventually get bored and leave. The music from downstairs was still a hum beneath them, muffled enough so that it wasn’t too loud but not enough to make whatever was playing unrecognizable. Gaara felt oddly lulled by that, the dull droning of the music and the sea of murmured voices that came with it. Naruto had fallen silent, save for some rather loud breathing, and now that Gaara was lying down his stomach finally felt a little relieved.
Wednesday, November 1st, 9:00 a.m.
Falling asleep had been partially an accident. He did, of course, mean to use the guest room himself and actually sleep. That had been the whole reason he had come up the stairs in the first place. Falling asleep without making sure he was alone? Purely an accident.
Gaara’s eyes shot open, squinting as he hissed a bit at the sunlight pouring through the thin curtains. The light made his eyes water and he groaned, attempting to turn over onto his side, but a weight around his hips kept him in place. Almost immediately, Gaara felt his pulse quicken. Fragments of the previous night assaulted his mind; Lee laughing by his side, too many costumes to keep track of, and a certain blonde spewing the contents of his stomach all over Gaara’s shirt. Ah… Naruto . Had he not left like Gaara thought he would?
Pushing himself up a little, propped up on his elbows, Gaara’s bleary eyes opened enough to take in his surroundings. He was still in the guest room in Sakura’s house. His shirt was still gone, the memory of its death making him frown in disgust. Naruto was also still there, lightly snoring with his fucking arms wrapped around Gaara’s waist . Even asleep, he had a pretty good grip. He must have wormed his way across the bed during the night, seeking warmth. Gaara…wasn’t exactly warm but it seemed to do the trick. God, had they slept like this all night? Had anyone walked in and seen them?
“Naruto.” His voice was gruff, tinged with sleep and lingering nausea from the previous night. He gave the blonde’s shoulder a rough shake. “Get up.”
Naruto frowned in his sleep and, maybe on instinct, pulled Gaara closer. Hips to hip, nearly, and it made Gaara’s face feel hot. “ Naruto !”
“God, do you ever shut up?” Naruto grumbled, voice hoarse. He didn’t move his arms, blinking his eyes open a few times before they narrowed at the red head. “My head is killing me, man, stop yelling. It's like you enjoy hearing yourself speak.”
“I wouldn’t have to yell if you didn’t sleep like a damn corpse.” Gaara hissed, shoving at the arm around his waist without any luck. “Get your arms off of me! You reek like booze and…where the hell are your shorts?”
“Eh?” That got Naruto to move. He pulled his arms away and sat up, looking down at his lower half, clad only in a pair of black underwear. He had the decency to look embarrassed for a second before he rounded on Gaara, pointing an accusing finger. “You…! You couldn’t keep your hands to yourself last night, could you?!” He hissed a little bit.
“ Me ?” Gaara scoffed loudly, swatting the other’s pointed finger away from him and glaring as best as he could manage, shirtless and feeling like death. “You’re the one who was cuddling me in your sleep!”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Naruto muttered, shoving Gaara onto his back with one hand, making Gaara grunt. He leaned over the redhead, meeting Gaara’s furious gaze with one of his own. “I’d cuddle up to whoever was laying next to me. Don’t go thinking you’re special.”
Gaara had the vague urge to bare his teeth like a damn animal. His hand shot out and Naruto jerked back, as if he was hoping to get away from Gaara’s vice-like grip. He was well acquainted with how hard Gaara could grab people, after all, and probably wasn’t looking to fall victim again. He was slow in his hung over state, however, and Gaara’s hand found Naruto’s hair and gripped hard, yanking the blonde back down. Naruto’s hands slammed down on the bed on either side of Gaara’s head, arms trembling slightly from the effort it took to keep himself upright against Gaara’s yanking. The both of them glared at each other, nothing but simmering rage in each of their gazes. Gaara felt the all too familiar urge to lurch forward and sink his teeth into whatever skin he could reach, much like one of their first fist fights their freshman year of highschool. There was hardly any space between the two of them right now, the horrid stench of stale alcohol-breath making Gaara want to gag. There was always just something between the two of them that made the adrenaline kick in, made Gaara tap into that old survival mode he’d spent his entire life growing up in.
As fate would have it, that was the position they were in when Sakura flung the door open. Gaara pressed down into the mattress with Naruto braced above him, in nothing but that damn crop top from the night before and his underwear. Gaara, shirtless and most likely with the worst case of bed hair in a while, with one hand fisted in Naruto's hair and his other hand pressed up against Naruto's chest in what he knew was an attempt to shove the other away but, well, given their current situation…Yeah, it definitely looked bad. Inappropriate, even. Because of course it did. When did anything between the two of them ever go right?
Gaara felt heat rush to his face as Sakura gawked at them, wide eyed, from the doorway.
Oh no.
“Oh my god.” Sakura’s hand flew up to her mouth to hide her slowly widening grin. She giggled a little bit, shaking her head. “Oh my god .”
Gaara struggled to sit up, still trapped by Naruto who was still looming over him. “Sakura-”
“The others are going to lose their minds.” That was all Sakura said before she hurried back out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
Gaara dropped his head back down and groaned, finally releasing Naruto so that he could cover his face with his hands. “Shit.” Of all the times for Sakura to come walking in it had to be while the two of them were half dressed and on top of each other.
“Uh…dude, what just happened?” Naruto was peering down at him when Gaara moved his hands away from his face, an eyebrow arched and his blue eyes absolutely lost.
Gaara stared up at him in disbelief. He knew the other was oblivious but come on…
“Sakura thinks we had sex.” Gaara explained slowly, frowning heavily. It was like speaking it outloud made it hit harder, made him want to curl into a ball and vanish entirely. “And now she’s most likely downstairs telling whoever stayed over last night that we had sex. Which means our entire friend group will find out by the end of the day.”
“But we didn’t have sex.” Naruto’s face scrunched up as if he’d smelled something bad. Then, despite their earlier argument, he finally leaned away from Gaara and looked around the room and then down at himself. When he lifted his head again he fixed Gaara with a hesitant, almost guarded expression. “...Right? We didn’t have sex?”
Gaara rolled his eyes, sitting up. “Despite whatever nasty opinions you have about me, I’m not into fucking drunk people. No, we didn’t have sex. You puked all over my shirt last night and then passed out because of course that would happen. I passed out after, when I was resting my eyes. As for your shorts…” Gaara frowned a little and cocked his head to the side. “You must have taken them off during the night.”
“Most likely.” Naruto nodded a little bit and shrugged his shoulders. “I usually just sleep in my underwear.” He scooted a little further away from Gaara and sighed, hands in his lap. “Shit, Sakura’s never gonna leave me alone about this.” He rolled his eyes as he sighed, annoyed. Well, finally he was catching up with the situation. “She’s totally convinced you and I want to be together. Like, all of our friends are.”
“Trust me, I’m aware of what our friends think.” Gaara stared at the closed bedroom door, wondering if he could just slip out the window of the bedroom instead and go home. This was the second story of the house, however, and he wasn’t too keen on the idea of breaking his ankle. Plus, he hadn’t driven himself here. They’d taken Shikamaru’s car and Shikamaru was most likely downstairs, being told that horrible, horrible not exactly true thing by Sakura. Gaara almost considered using the window anyways and walking home if he didn’t bust an ankle but he was hung over, shirtless, and his house was a fifteen minute drive away as it was. Walking there? Not happening. “They’re not going to believe us if we tell them what actually happened.”
“Hate to admit it but you’re right.” Naruto grumbled, arms crossing. “Especially with Sakura being the one telling the story. She’s so…”
“Confident.” Gaara agreed reluctantly. He would rather die, though, than let the rest of his friends think he had fallen so low as to sleep with Naruto, of all people. He shook his head again and stood up, taking a deep breath. “I can’t believe this shit. They’re all going to be so smug, thinking we actually slept together.” He turned to look back at Naruto who hadn’t moved, hands on his hips now. “I should just tell them we did it and the sex sucked.”
Naruto scoffed a bit in response. “Oh, and who exactly sucked at it? Because I have three exes in our friend group who know that I don’t suck at sex.” He said it with so much confidence that it almost sounded arrogant.
Gaara nearly forgot about that, though. He huffed a bit. “Well, I also have someone in our friend group that insists I don’t suck at sex, either.” That option was off the table for sure.
Naruto seemed surprised at that and Gaara instantly knew that he would regret saying it. The blonde eyed him up and down, as if taking him in. “And just who in our friend group have you had sex with, Gaara?” He asked slowly, almost in disbelief. "Because that is a secret I don't think any of our friends would be able to keep for very long."
“We’re not talking about that right now,” Gaara stated calmly, crossing his arms. “Can we figure out what to do, please? We can’t let them actually think that we fell into bed together.”
“Fine, but we are so coming back to that topic later.” Naruto frowned in thought, staring down at the floor for a few moments. He looked…far more in thought than Gaara expected. He supposed he should have been a little glad the other was taking the situation seriously. Slowly, Naruto looked back at Gaara with his head cocked to the side. “Can’t we let them think that, though?”
Gaara blinked in surprise, at a loss for words for a moment. Naruto was so calm, sitting there and watching him. The cogs in his head were turning, though, and some sort of idea was forming in his mind. Gaara frowned again. “What?”
“We should go with it. Let them think we did it.” Naruto shot to his feet, swaying for a moment. Nausea, most likely. Gaara had the vivid memory of his puke-ruined shirt. His confusion must have been written all over his face because Naruto rushed to him, a small grin on his lips. “No, seriously, just listen. They think we’re secretly into each other and won’t leave us alone about it, right? Then fine. Let’s date.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Just listen to-”
“Dating? Seriously?”
“Not real dating!” Naruto stressed in a low voice, glancing towards the bedroom door as if someone would barge in and catch him in the middle of explaining whatever idiotic plan he had in his head. “Look. We fake date for a while and make them think they were right. We get all cuddly and shit and convince them that sure, we were totally hot for each other and wanted to try dating. We do that for a couple of months and then we break up. Like, a huge and nasty break up that shows them that we absolutely have no chemistry at all and that they were wrong. Then we can go back to hating each other like before, only now they’ll all think we have a totally new reason to despise each other. They’ll feel so bad about the whole thing that they’ll never accuse us of being secretly into each other again.”
It was…a long shot. It was honestly a little insane in a way that only Naruto Uzumaki could think up. It sounded like the plot of some cheesy early 2000’s rom-com movie or something. It didn’t sound like anything that could actually happen in real life. The fact that Naruto had come up with it at all made Gaara wonder just how many brain cells the blonde had left. How had he come up with it so fast?
“That…” He shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair. Gods, he just wanted to go home and collapse into his bed. “That’s a stupid idea.”
“Not a bad one, though.” Naruto offered pointedly, eyebrows raised in interest.
Gaara gawked at him a little. “Not a great one either!” He hated that his voice had risen a little. It made him sound panicked when in all reality he was tired and annoyed and just done with the entire situation. “I mean, do you even think we could even pull something like that off? That we can fool all of our friends?”
Naruto shrugged his shoulders again. “I mean, probably. I probably could.” He flashed a small grin. “Don’t know about you, but I’m a very easy going person and people like me.”
Gaara felt his eyes narrow. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.” He glanced back at the door, dreading facing the people he loved dearly that were downstairs. It really was a dumb idea but it could work…maybe. If they were careful enough about it? If they could work together long enough to string together a narrative…
It would suck to some degree, sure, but if they did it right then Naruto had a point. Their friends would be proven wrong, shown that the two of them had zero chemistry and would never work out, and would never accuse them of hating each other for purely lust-induced reasons again. They’d be free to despise each other casually like before, with an added bonus of the rest of their friends blaming the animosity on a break up. It wasn’t like they couldn’t get along long enough to pull it off. There had been many times where they were able to coexist without issue, mainly for the sake of their friends or the peace of whatever event they happened to be at, but this…it would require a little bit of tact.
Gaara sighed in defeat and slowly turned towards Naruto again, eyeing him wearily. “Fine.” His fate was sealed the moment he said it. He watched the other’s eyes widen in surprise, saw the twitch of a grin on those lips, and he quickly held up a finger to keep Naruto from speaking. “But we’re going to need some ground rules and our stories have to match up. They’re going to ask us questions. Alone and together. If our answers don’t match up then they’ll know we’re lying and it’ll be an even bigger mess.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Naruto murmured thoughtfully, glancing towards the bedroom door. “We can figure that out at a different time. The longer we’re up here the more they’re gonna think is happening. Let’s just go down there and set everything up. We can figure out the rest another day. Tomorrow, maybe?”
“I have work tomorrow.” Gaara grunted, yanking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. It was almost instantly plucked from his hand and he scowled towards the other. “What-”
“First off, you’re gonna have to stop looking at me like you’re trying to explode me with your mind all the time.” Naruto actually sounded like he was scolding him, typing away on Gaara’s phone as if it were his own. “They’ll never believe us if you look at me like that all the time. Second, I’m putting my number into your phone and texting myself so that way I have your number, too. We’ll figure out a time to meet up and get the details correct.” He held Gaara’s phone back out to him, a smug looking smirk on his lips. “Don’t look so sour. As far as our friends know you just had the most mind blowing sex last night.”
Gaara snatched his phone up and shoved it back into his pocket. “Don’t push me, Uzumaki.” Naruto had a point, though, as much as it pained Gaara to admit. He’d have to watch his facial expressions carefully, just like Naruto would have to watch his snide comments. It was going to be an exercise in self control on both of their ends for sure, but Gaara was better at that than he was when they were teenagers. Plus, the idea of finally being able to rub it in everyone’s faces that he and Naruto weren’t secretly made for each other was starting to sound more appealing by the minute. Mostly because he knew that even now, their friends were downstairs most likely gossiping about the two of them without even wanting to know either of their sides of the story. He loved his friends dearly but they were gossips at the best of times and at the worst of times they didn’t always listen when it mattered. At least if they pulled this off Gaara would finally be vindicated on his end.
Naruto found his shorts underneath the bed and pulled them on, laughing a little bit to himself. “Yeah, I must have totally shoved these off last night. I haven’t slept in anything other than underwear in years.”
“And you also somehow ended up cuddling up to me in the middle of the night.” Gaara stated bluntly. He wished his shirt had survived the night. Oh, well.
“I probably got cold.” Naruto shrugged and strode across the room, looking Gaara up and down. He nodded to himself, smirking a bit. “Gonna be honest; your hair already kinda looks like you got railed last night. Major case of bed hair. Worst I’ve ever seen.”
Gaara fought the urge to bring a hand up to try and fix his hair. The worse his hair looked the better their story would be, hopefully. “Probably works to our advantage. Seriously wish you hadn’t ruined my shirt, though.” He desperately wanted a shirt. As much as he loved his friends he wasn’t exactly a ‘hang out shirtless’ kind of guy with most people. Not even around his siblings.
Kankuro always told him that he shouldn’t be self conscious, especially now that he was older and had a few tattoos on his arms to distract from his pale skin. The upper half of his right arm was taken up by one entire tattoo; a sphynx cat with three eyes, resting between a small collection of lavender flowers. The cat in question was a light shade of purple, its eyes a bright green. The lavender flowers were purple, of course, and had vibrant green stalks. His left forearm had a dagger tattooed there, the blade being gently caressed by twisting vines. The upper part of his left arm was taken up by a crescent moon tattoo, small and wispy clouds tucked around it. He had a few other smaller tattoos on that arm, mostly little designs he had seen or wanted in passing. A little ghost wearing headphones near his elbow. A ladybug, small and delicate on the inside of his wrist. His brother and sister’s names on the inside of his upper arm in beautiful, cursive font. Most of his tattoos never held any real meaning other than him wanting them. His siblings' names, though…well, that was dear to him.
He was honestly pretty boring looking compared to other people in his profession; you’d think that being a tattoo artist would have made him want to be totally covered. He didn’t, though, and despite his brother’s insistence that his self consciousness was silly he just couldn’t shake it.
Gaara wasn’t fond of showing a lot of skin.
Naruto smirked a bit but was quick to control his expression, fighting it down. He nodded a bit and sighed dramatically. "Wait here, I'll snag one of Lee's sweaters from Sakura's room. There's like a dozen of them there; Sakura claims every sweater he wears."
Gaara didn’t have much room to object and was, thankfully, left alone in the room as Naruto slipped out for a moment. He eyed the bedroom window, still weighing his options. This plan of theirs-of Naruto’s-was absolutely insane. It was sort of smart in an insane sort of way that would only happen to people in their particular friend group, sure, but he still couldn’t believe he’d agreed to it. He wanted his friends to stop putting words in his mouth and feelings in his place where said feelings didn’t actually exist, sure. He’d love for his friends to just shut up and stop thinking they knew him better than he knew himself. But going this far? With such a convoluted and insane idea?
The pay off, however…it was appealing. Being able to fall back into their usual routine without the usual, annoying smug comments from their friends would be nice. It wasn’t like they were constantly trying to throw punches or trip each other in the halls anyways more like they were in high school anyways. They should have been allowed to hate each other in a civil fashion without everyone around them thinking they were just horny and confused about it. Gaara had spent far too many years of his life confused about his feelings. He didn’t need his friends shoving their imagined feelings down his throat now that he was old enough to figure himself out.
The bedroom door opened again and Gaara turned around in time to catch a dark green sweater tossed at him. Naruto peeked in and jerked his chin in the direction of the stairs. “Hurry up; I smell food.”
“You can go down there without me, you know.” Gaara grumbled as he slid the sweater on and zipped it up quickly.
“Uh, no I can’t.” Naruto rolled his eyes and held the door open wider. “We’re dating now, remember? You’re not throwing me to the wolves down there alone.”
That was fair. Gaara wouldn’t want to face their most likely curious friends alone, either. He sighed and stepped out of the room, nearly jumping out of his skin when Naruto’s hand found his own. “What are you-”
“We’re dating.” Naruto stressed, giving Gaara’s hand a rather rough squeeze that made Gaara hiss under his breath. “We’re supposed to hold hands and shit. Trust me, I’d rather not do it either but this has to look believable.”
Gaara glanced down at their hands, frowning to himself. It looked so wrong holding Naruto’s hand in his own. It felt so wrong to be standing so close to him without feeling the urge to scream. “I hate this plan already.”
“Yeah, well, suck it up, Buttercup.” Naruto squeezed his hand again, meeting Gaara’s small hiss with a rather smug looking smile as he tugged him towards the stairs. “It’ll be fine as long as you don’t blow it.”
He wanted to be mad at that, and he sort of was at ‘Buttercup’, but unfortunately Naruto had a point. Gaara wasn’t the best at acting, especially when it came to their friends, but he was going to have to make an effort. If he had gotten more sleep and didn’t have a pounding headache he might have started this off a little better. After he and Naruto prepared this whole idiodic narrative, he’d probably be a little better, too.
The smell of bacon wafted through the air as they made their way down the stairs. Naruto’s too tight grip on his hand had softened and Gaara braced himself as they entered the kitchen. Gaara saw Shikamaru and Kiba seated at the kitchen table which must have been moved back in sometime this morning. Shikamaru’s hair had been tied up into a lazy and almost falling apart ponytail and Kiba looked nearly dead on his feet, nursing a glass of orange juice. Sakura and Lee were both at the stove, looking alive and fresh and not like they’d been partying all night which was typical for them, really. It seemed like Ino had stayed the night too, seated in Sai’s lap at the end of the table. Gaara couldn’t remember what Ino’s costume had been the night before, something bright pink and with a dress, but now she was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a baggy shirt that he was pretty sure belonged to Sakura. She looked exhausted, honestly, though Sai looked alert and content as he sipped from a coffee mug. He hadn’t dressed up last night and honestly looked almost pristine, if it wasn’t for his messy hair and slightly smudged eyeliner.
The kitchen looked like it had been cleaned up pretty well, save for some piles of trash shoved to the ends of the counters and a couple of half-filled garbage bags on the floor. Gaara honestly dreaded seeing how bad the rest of the house was. If any of their other friends had ended up staying over hopefully they had been kind enough to help clean before they made their early escape.
It was Sakura who spotted the two of them shuffling into the kitchen, her eyes falling to their intertwined hands. It almost made Gaara want to turn and run. Almost. Her eyes widened a fraction and she not so discreetly nudged Lee with her hip. “Nice of you two to finally join us. Lee’s making bacon and eggs, if you can stomach it.”
All eyes in the room turned to them in unison. Gaara fought to keep his expression controlled and shrugged his shoulders a bit. “Sounds good to me.”
He was planning to pull out a seat and sit down, thinking that Naruto would take whatever chair was beside him. Naruto was quicker than he was, however, and sat down in a chair only to tug Gaara down into his lap. Gaara’s face felt hot, both in embarrassment and irritation, and he had to fight his initial urge to shove the other away. He glanced at Naruto’s face and was met with a rather warm smile, actually, though there was a certain smugness to those blue eyes before him. “You good, Gaara?”
Gaara nodded slowly and forced himself to relax, leaning back into the other, though he still felt like he was rather rigid and on edge. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Damn, so Sakura was right.” Ino watched them from the end of the table, an eyebrow raised curiously. “You two seriously hooked up last night?”
“About time.” Kiba yawned, downing the rest of his orange juice and sighing in content. He shoved his empty cup away and laughed a little bit, resting his chin in his palm. “We thought you two would never own up to it. Congrats.”
“I still can’t believe it.” Shikamaru muttered, leaning back in his chair and fighting off a yawn. His eyes landed on Gaara and he cocked his head a bit, thinking. “How’d that even happen?”
Shikamaru was one of the harder ones to convince. Gaara had expected this and hopefully Naruto had as well. Shikamaru was just too observant and smart; he’d catch any slip up if they weren’t careful.”
“Well…honestly, it was an accident.” Naruto replied with a casual shrug of his shoulders. “I was going upstairs to look for the bathroom and I totally stumbled into the wrong room where Gaara was.”
“He was totally sick.” Gaara added in quickly, the idea of Naruto being the only one stringing together their story a little too frightening to consider. “He threw up and was sort of a mess so I kind of just hung out with him for a bit. We got to talking and…I guess we have a little more in common than we thought. One thing sorta led to another and we started getting heated again but instead of throwing a punch he just…totally kissed me.”
Naruto scoffed a little bit and Gaara had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from hissing as the blonde’s fingers pinched at his arm underneath the table. “Don’t let him fool you; he kissed me back without hesitation. Then we uh…well, you know.”
“So don’t need the details.” Lee grunted as he set down a platter of steaming hot bacon on the table for everyone. He shuddered, shaking his head. “Well, now that you two got that out of the way are you…?” He trailed off and gestured at them curiously.
“We’re taking a page out of your guys’ book, actually.” Gaara replied smoothly. He paused for a brief moment, mourning the loss of his normalcy for the foreseeable future. “We’re dating. Or we’re going to try to, at least.”
“You’re serious?” Shikamaru asked wearily, glancing around at the others before looking at the two of them again. “Is that even a good idea considering…everything?”
“You guys have all literally been saying we should date for the last three or four years.” Naruto pointed out bluntly, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. “I mean, when he isn’t acting like an edgy teenager, Gaara’s not so bad. He’s even kinda cute.”
Gaara nudged his elbow into Naruto’s stomach as discreetly as he could, fighting back a smirk at the small, pained wheeze that breezed past his ear from him. He sat up a little straighter, as much as one could in someone’s lap, and smiled slightly at his friends. “You’re always saying the both of us have so much chemistry so we decided to give it a try. I mean, being constantly on the verge of wanting to fight all the time is exhausting for us, I can only imagine how exhausting it must be for everyone else.”
“He’s got a great point there.” Sai laughed a little bit. He reached for the platter of bacon and took a slice with his bare hand, like an animal. “I think this is great. Congratulations, you two. Just so you know, Sakura already told the others about you sleeping together and Ino’s texting the rest away under the table as we speak.”
“Wha- Sai !” Ino pouted at her boyfriend, huffing a little. “Just totally rat me out, why don’t you?”
“We figured.” Naruto was civilized enough to grab a plate from a stack of paper plates on the table. He grabbed a discarded fork and started piling some bacon on it as Lee came back around with a pan full of scrambled eggs. “Which is why we decided to tell you guys now instead of later. May as well get it over with, you know?”
“Smart move.” Kiba snorted softly, heaving another yawn. “Well, yeah congrats, I guess. Gaara, are you good with heading out once we’re done eating? Shikamaru’s got plans with his parents later and I’m in desperate need of a shower.” He paused. “Unless Naruto’s taking you home?”
“Sorry, I’ve claimed Naruto for cleaning duty.” Sakura announced firmly, hands on her hips. Gaara eyed her for a moment, taking in the pointed look she shot at Naruto. While she may have had plans to force him to clean, she was most likely going to try and pry a few more details out of him in private. Gaara was a little concerned but so far Naruto’s acting had been pretty spot on. He’d just have to get the details later from Naruto and go from there.
“I’m fine with that.” Gaara assured Kiba with a small nod. “I need a shower as well and a nap, I think.”
Breakfast passed normally after that. Lee passed around juice and coffee to everyone and the food was hogged down quickly. The news of Naruto and Gaara dating seemed to drift to the back of everyone’s minds, though Gaara knew that was mostly because his friends were still in shock about it. He could tell because they all gawked every time Naruto’s hand brushed Gaara’s shoulder or when the two of them managed to keep up a conversation in soft, kind tones. The awe was a welcomed aid; it would give them a little bit of time to ease into this and think of what to do and say in the future. Gaara did feel slightly bad about all of this, about lying in such a way, but the emotional payout that would come with it all working out…Gaara would do anything to be able to prove his friends wrong. Even if that made him sound kind of like a bad friend. Luckily their friends all fell into conversation about the party the night before, mostly compliments and highlights of what had happened. Gaara didn’t really listen to that part; he didn’t care much for what happened after he ran away up the stairs. He was really just looking forward to a hot shower and his own bed.
When food was done and the breakfast dishes collected, Gaara shuffled towards the front door to wait for Kiba and Shikamaru. Naruto, playing the role of the kind new boyfriend, followed him and as soon as they were out of view of the others the two of them wretched their hands apart.
“You didn’t have to pinch me earlier.” Gaara mumbled bitterly, throwing a small glare over his shoulder at the other.
“You didn’t have to make it sound like I practically crawled into your lap and made out with you, either.” Naruto grumbled, crossing his arms. He…was he actually pouting?
Gaara rolled his eyes and shook his head to himself. “Don’t be a fucking baby, Uzumaki.” He muttered, shoving his hands into the pockets of the sweater he wore. He’d give it back to Sakura or Lee the next time he saw them. If either of them recognized that he was wearing one of their sweaters, neither had said anything. “I wasn’t going to let you make the whole story up and leave me as the only one embarrassed. I think that’s only fair.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Naruto uncrossed his arms, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck as he took a deep breath. “Look, I’ll text you or whatever and we can meet up to figure the rest of this shit out, alright?”
Gaara nodded, forcing up a small smile as Shikamaru and Kiba shuffled into the room, Shikamaru digging his keys out of his pocket. “Sure thing, Naruto.” His voice was almost too sweet, even Kiba did a double take to side eye the two of them. Feeling awkward, Gaara stepped closer to Naruto, shooting him a look that he hoped conveyed his loss for what to do next in front of two very openly spying friends.
Naruto, thankfully, got the hint. He brought Gaara into a hug and while it was awkward and Gaara wasn’t the type of person to hug other people, it wasn’t the worst hug he had ever had. A little too hard, like maybe Naruto was trying to squeeze the life out of him, but he’d had worse. He gave the other a quick squeeze back and then stepped away, clearing his throat. “I’ll talk to you later?” Gods, did he sound as awkward as he felt?
Naruto was a natural at this, at least. He shot him a wink. “Sure thing. Get home safe.”
Gaara followed Shikamaru and Kiba out of the house, getting into the backseat of the car. He let out a rather long sigh, the fatigue of the morning hitting him like a train the moment he shut the car door. Shikamaru started up the car and they began their drive home and it only took half a minute for Shikamaru's eyes to catch his in the rearview mirror. "So, you and Naruto, huh?"
"Yes." Gaara replied slowly, glancing away to instead peer out the car window. "I'm surprised too, if it helps."
"I just can't wrap my brain around it." Shikamaru admitted through a small chuckle. "I mean I think its awesome that you two might actually get along now, don't get me wrong. I'm just really surprised."
"I'm not." Kiba chimed in, turning in the passenger seat a little bit so he could look back and forth between Gaara and Shikamaru. "The amount of tension those two have? I'm surprised it took this long. I was so sure you two were going to hook up back in high school before Naruto and Sasuke got together our last year there."
The likelihood of them getting along in highschool was even smaller than it was now that they were adults. As teenagers their antagonistic dynamic had been far worse, complete with fist fights, trips to the principal's office, and even a few incidents of both of them needing stitches. Gaara's own traumatic childhood that only seemed to get worse in highschool was to blame for a lot of his own initial animosity. Naruto, of course, probably had his own problems back then, too. Gaara didn't know him well enough back then and had only met him because the blonde had thrown himself in the middle of a fight between Gaara and Lee of all people. Naruto was loud and in everyone's business even when he shouldn't have been. His impulse control didn't even exist back then and he had started throwing punches at Gaara without hesitation.
Gaara had left that fight with a split lip and a rather nasty bruise on his cheek, but back then those were hardly significant compared to the injuries he sustained from his own father at the time.
Yeah, Gaara's highschool experience was a nightmare and Naruto's presence had only made it worse. He couldn't blame Shikamaru for still being a little skeptical even if he and Naruto were no longer violent with each other.
"We're trying." Gaara replied finally, looking back towards Kiba to meet his gaze. "It doesn't mean it'll go anywhere but it's a start. You should be thrilled if it means no more arguments and bickering all the time."
"Trust me; I definitely am." Kiba turned back around in his seat to face the forward again. "But your brother and sister are going to lose it when they find out."
Gaara's eyes widened a bit as he felt anxiety knot up in his stomach. He had almost forgotten entirely about his siblings. He wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of telling them. He didn't like lying to them if he could help it. Ideally he was partial to the idea of letting the two of them in on the little fake dating scenario but then he'd have to suffer their disapproval and endless pestering about it. They would be furious, actually. Or at least Temari definitely would be.
He was going to push off telling them as long as he could. It wasn't the best idea, sure, and either Kiba or Shikamaru were bound to let it slip very soon but he just couldn't face his siblings about it. Not yet, at least.
Thursday, November 2nd, 12:15 p.m.
Walking into the tattoo shop was like some mental reset for Gaara. The smell of the vanilla incense that Itachi insisted on burning, a scent they all agreed on after dozens of trials and errors with others. The sound of the gentle lo-fi music playing over the speakers, another thing they had all agreed on, though they did take turns giving speaker privileges to each other of course. It was like his second home and he loved it, taking a deep breath as he strolled through the front door. Konan was at the front desk, smiling kindly at a duo of young women as they paid for their new and matching nose piercings. Her eyes landed on him for a moment and she waved a little. “Hey, Gaara. Welcome back.”
“Hey, Konan.” He offered her a wave of his own before stepping around the front desk, heading into the rest of the shop.
Their shop wasn’t very big but they used every inch of space they could. The waiting area, where Gaara had just come from, had three comfy couches, a table, a tv, and a cooler that they constantly kept filled with cold waters, sodas, and juices while people waited. From the waiting area you could see the next room over which was mostly where the artists and piercers hung out. It was a work area, though not for actually piercing or inking skin. This area also had a few couches and a tv, some work desks with computers, and a few mini fridges scattered around. This was where they worked on designs, where they laid out designs for clients and essentially where they all just hung out. Deidara, their owner, felt it was important for them to have a sort of common room area where they could work in the eye line of the customers. From there several doors lining the walls of that room led to the smaller, personal rooms. Those rooms were where they did the actual work and they made sure it stayed easy, personal, and comfortable. The rooms had TV’s where customers could watch something while getting worked on. There were blankets in small cabinets along with small snacks and water bottles because eating before a tattoo was so important, yet so many people forgot about it. It was personal like this, mostly one on one with the customers so they felt safe and content, and honestly they found that the customers liked it better when they weren’t constantly being watched by other strangers. It was freeing, honestly, and Deidara was a genius for coming up with it.
No one had any customers yet, it seemed. Itachi was at his work desk sketching away on his sketch pad, a rough draft of a design before he drew it digitally to send to his client. He glanced away from his work to shoot Gaara a quick smile. “Hey, Gaara.” He waved with one hand, already looking back at his work.
Gaara smiled slightly. “Hey.”
Sasuke and Hinata were on the other end of the room on a couch, talking quietly to one another. Deidara, their beloved owner and Itachi’s doting partner, was weaving in and out of the private rooms, cleaning all of them for the thousandth time most likely. A slow day, it seemed, but that was pretty typical for a Thursday.
"Well, good to see you." Sasuke leaned back into the couch a little as Gaara took a seat at the work desk closest to it. "You're not going to believe what Hinata told me earlier."
Gaara sucked in a deep breath, swiveling in his chair to face the two with a bored expression. He already knew what this was most likely going to be about. It wasn't like Sasuke wasn't going to ever find out.
"And what did Hinata tell you?" Gaara asked slowly, glancing in Hinata's direction. The young woman averted her gaze immediately and Gaara fought back a sigh. "Hinata-"
"He wasn't at the party, Gaara." She stressed, frowning softly. "He was getting the messages about it from Sakura and was super confused so I told him what I know."
"Which wasn't much more than what Sakura told me, to be fair." Sasuke offered, patting Hinata's knee for comfort. "Is it true, though?" He asked, watching Gaara carefully. "You actually hooked up with Naruto?"
Sasuke was…a complication. He was Naruto's ex and his best friend. He was also one of Gaara's best friends which made it harder for Gaara to lie to him. How they had become so close was…well, that wasn't important. But Sasuke knew him well. Too well sometimes. And he knew Naruto very well. The two of them, along with Sakura, were as close as friends could be and if anyone was going to catch them in their little lie it would be Sasuke.
"We hooked up. Yes." Gaara replied slowly, averting his eyes for a moment to escape Sasuke's curious gaze. "We're dating, actually. I'm sure Hinata mentioned that as well."
"She did but I honestly don't think I've fully registered it." Sasuke admitted with a small shake of his head. "The first Halloween party I've missed in years and the two people who can't stand each other start dating. Unbelievable."
Sasuke looked confused which was to be expected, but there was a hint of skepticism in the way he side eyed Gaara. He looked back to Hinata, though, and Gaara was thankful for the momentary freedom. "Hinata said she and Shino left the party early so she missed a lot, too."
"There wasn't a lot to miss." Gaara offered with a shrug. "Naruto and I were alone upstairs and no one even found out until the next morning."
"Must have been a wild morning." Hinata chuckled a little bit. "I'm sort of sad I missed it but I can't imagine how embarrassing it must have been for you."
Hinata was…less of a complication than Sasuke was. She was also one of Naruto's exes, sure, but they dated eons ago in their second year of highschool. She'd been comfortable and happy with Shino since the summer after graduation. She was a pretty good friend of Gaara's, too, and a coworker as well, but she wasn't as into the gossip of their friend group as she made it seem. She liked to know what was going on, sure, but she didn't pry. At least not with Gaara. They had a good, solid friendship and if she really felt like the situation was a little off she wouldn't say anything unless she felt like either Gaara or Naruto's well-being was at stake. But the two of them dating? She'd probably leave that alone after this.
"It was entirely embarrassing." Gaara agreed with a sigh. "Considering Sakura walked in on us, it couldn't have gone worse."
"Speaking as someone who has also had Sakura walk in on Naruto and I," Sasuke grimaced at the memory. "I believe it entirely."
"Hinata!" Konan called from the front desk, spinning around in her chair to wave in their direction. "Your next appointment is here! Got them working on the paperwork right now."
"Oh, okay. Thanks, Konan." She smiled over at the boys as she stood up, straightening out her shirt. "I'll be busy for a couple hours. Got a big piece to work on today."
"Good luck." Gaara murmured, offering a small smile of his own. "Let us know if you or your client need anything."
Hinata hurried off and Gaara would have liked to relax a little bit but he felt Sasuke's eyes on him almost immediately. He turned back to his work desk, attempting to ignore the eyes boring into him. That was hard to do with Sasuke; the guy had a pretty solid stare. "I know you want to say something, Sasuke."
"I mean yeah, of course I do." Sasuke scoffed a little bit in reply. "But it isn't my place to question your life decisions unless they're extremely terrible ones."
"And me dating Naruto doesn't count as extremely terrible?" Gaara smiled a little to himself at the irony of it all.
"It might be." Sasuke admitted. "But your love life is your deal and…it isn't hurting anyone so far. Honestly dating Naruto might even be good for you."
The idea of Naruto being good for him made Gaara shudder a little. If that's what his friends considered "good" for him then he would hate to see what would be considered "bad". He did stop himself, though, and tried to think of it from an outside perspective.
Gaara was a lot of things but mentally stable wasn't one of them, despite how hard he'd been working on it the last few years. He was angry. He was sad. He was constantly thinking too much about what the people around him wanted and expected from him. He was a mess and that wasn't new information to him. Naruto, on the other hand, was carefree. Loud, sure, but a generally happy guy from what Gaara knew. He didn’t worry about anything or generally care most of the time which was partially why Gaara couldn’t stand him. But he could see why other people would think that Naruto was a good match for him. What was the old saying? Opposites attract?
“But just be careful.” Sasuke had stood up and was walking past Gaara to another work desk but he paused to set a hand on Gaara’s shoulder. “Seriously, Gaara.”
Gaara looked up at him and was a bit surprised to see that Sasuke actually looked a little worried. He frowned a little and gave a small nod. “I…will?”
“I just say that because I know how you are.” Sasuke explained, patting Gaara’s shoulder once before moving his hand away. “When you get attached, I mean. So…take it slow, alright?”
Gaara was going to feel so bad for all of this, he could already feel the familiar pool of guilt in his gut. He forced up a small smile and shrugged his shoulders. “I will. Don’t worry about me.”
“Gaara, I worry about the both of you alot.”
Chapter 2
Notes:
Chapter 2 is up! I hope you're liking this so far. This chapter will be from Naruto's point of view; each chapter will be switching point of view.
I don't have a set schedule for updating, to be honest. I'm writing this slowly, I currently have two more chapters done aside from this one but I'm posting them sort of whenever I have the time? Works crazy, guys. Holiday time. You can understand. Anyways, enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Friday, November 3rd, 1:25 p.m.
Naruto hadn’t actually been to Akatsuki Ink, the tattoo shop, in ages. It was partially owned by Sasuke’s older brother, Itachi, and Deidara who Itachi had been dating for years, now. Sasuke had started working there during his second year of college and had stuck with it and he had managed to nudge Hinata and Gaara into it around the same time, if Naruto remembered.
When Naruto and Sasuke had been dating, Naruto had stopped by a lot to drop off Sasuke’s lunch and to generally just hang out. He had stopped coming by after they broke up but mostly because he didn’t want to bother everybody and because he, himself, had become swamped with school and work. The preschool he worked at normally, though, was closed this week due to a rather intense lice epidemic that had been going around so Naruto, lice free, had time to kill. He and Gaara had texted sparsely since the Halloween party but today Gaara had told Naruto to come by the shop so they could “figure things out”. He was too focused on the details but Naruto figured that one of them had to be, right?
The shop was playing some sort of soothing beat over the speakers and it smelled of vanilla; not much had changed over the years. God, when had he and Sasuke broken up? When they were twenty one? Now they were what, twenty five? The tattoo shop looked basically unchanged, save for new art on the walls. It was a little comforting, actually, that there was still something in their ever changing lives that stayed the same. He liked the shop honestly but he didn’t have the attention span to sit around in it all day like his friends who worked in it did. Power to them, of course, but he’d lose his mind.
Itachi was at the front desk when Naruto walked in and when they saw each other the older man grinned brightly. “Naruto, hey.” He came around the counter to hug him and Naruto hugged him back, grinning to himself. “What are you doing here?”
Naruto took a step back, adjusting the backpack on his shoulder. “I came to see Gaara, actually.”
“Oh, right. Your new lover.” Itachi’s smug smile made Naruto’s face heat up a little. He led Naruto around the front desk and into the common area. It was empty, which was rare, and a quick glance around at the closed doors of the private rooms told Naruto that everyone must have been busy. Itachi gestured to one of the couches. “Go ahead and take a seat. Gaara’s current appointment is going on a bit longer than expected but he should be finished soon.”
“No worries, I’ll hang out.” Naruto assured, sliding his backpack off and setting it on the ground by his feet. He figured Gaara would be busy when he showed up so he had planned ahead; he had his phone fully charged and his earbuds in his pocket so he could lose himself in a few videos for a while. Itachi vanished back towards the front of the store and Naruto started up some videos, content for the time being.
To be honest he had been surprised by his own choice to create this fake dating thing with Gaara. He’d like to say that he’d put a lot of thought into it but in all honesty he really didn’t. At the time he’d been hung over and sick to his stomach and absolutely dreading having to hear his friends poking and prodding at him, asking if anything had happened between the two of them while they were alone in Sakura’s guest room. He adored his friends so much, he did, but he was so tired of the constant teasing. Hell, if he really did have some sort of deep hidden lust for Gaara it would have come out ages ago. He did not want to hook up with Gaara. He did not have some hidden lust for a guy who’d been nothing but a total dick to him since high school. The mere fact that his friends were united in their opinion drove him insane!
…Okay, so maybe it wasn’t that big of a surprise that he’d suggested the fake dating idea. It was an out there option, sure, but it would get the point across. After their giant “break up” no one would even think to suggest that the two were secretly into each other. The hard part would be convincing them and as much as he liked to tell himself that Gaara was overthinking all of it, he knew he should have been a little more on edge about it, too.
He had originally feared that Sakura would be the hardest one to convince. She had an uncanny ability to see through any of Naruto’s little white lies on a good day. He’d never actually tried to convince her of anything this big. But the other day after the party when Gaara had left, Sakura had only asked a few simple questions. Mostly, she was wondering if Naruto had thought about dating Gaara seriously and if he really thought it was a good idea. He did feel sort of bad after that because Sakura cared about him and she worried too much. The last thing he wanted to do was worry her so he’d have to make sure this plan worked perfectly.
The hardest person to convince would be Sasuke…
Sasuke, despite the…explosive and not so healthy friendship they had in the past, along with their not so healthy romantic relationship that had ended a few years ago, was still one of Naruto’s best friends. He knew him better than he knew himself most of the time and to make matters worse, he was pretty sure Sasuke was one of Gaara’s closest friends as well. A little detail that had driven him crazy a few years ago, but he’d gotten over it. It sort of made this whole situation harder, though, because Sasuke was kind of hard to lie to. Naruto wasn’t sure how Gaara felt on that front but he, himself, was a little nervous about that.
Maybe it was harder with Sasuke because they had dated in the past. Sasuke knew how Naruto was in a relationship on an insanely intimate level. He’d catch onto anything weird, right?
“Naruto, hey.” Speak of the devil. Sasuke stepped out of one of the private rooms with a guy that looked around their age. The guy had a fresh tattoo on his leg carefully wrapped up.
Naruto offered Sasuke a small wave. “Hey, Sasuke.”
“I’ll be back in just a second.” Sasuke told him before leading his client towards the front of the store.
Sasuke took his job very seriously. Before graduation, before his parents died, he’d wanted to go into the business field. After the death of his parents, a dark time in their friendship and their relationship, he had still stuck with that original idea but had seemed almost miserable about it. Itachi and Deidara taking him into the shop had honestly been a miracle. Sasuke had always been a pretty talented artist but only really did it as a way to pass time until he’d stepped into the shop for the first time. Naruto was pretty sure that this sort of artistic outlet had been a lifesaver for Sasuke in more ways than one and Naruto had been so happy for him…until Gaara had also started working there.
That was years ago, though. From what he knew from Sasuke and Hinata, Gaara was one of the best artists in the shop now which didn’t surprise Naruto a whole lot. Despite his terrible personality, Gaara had always excelled at whatever he decided to do. He’d been exceptionally smart in high school, one of the smartest in the whole school, and the few glimpses Naruto had caught of Gaara’s art had been absolutely stunning. He supposed that now that they were “dating”, he’d have to make more appearances at the shop for a while.
Sasuke came back after a while and plopped down on the couch beside Naruto, leaning over to peer at the video playing on Naruto’s phone. “What are you watching?”
“Just some highlights from a streamer I watch sometimes.” Naruto replied, setting his phone down and stretching a little. “That looked like a big piece on that dude’s leg, yeah?”
“It was a pretty good size, yeah.” Sasuke nodded, stifling a yawn behind his hand. “He has to come back for me to do a touch up after, I think. But it was fun. Are you here to see Gaara?”
Straight and to the point, it seemed. Naruto nodded, smiling brightly. “Sure am. I’m just waiting for him to finish up what he’s doing.”
Sasuke nodded, looking thoughtful. “He should be done soon.” He murmured, eyeing Naruto curiously. “So you and him are really dating, huh? Must have been a good Halloween party.”
Naruto scoffed and shoved at him with his elbow. “It was just fine, thank you.” He chuckled softly, shrugging his shoulders a little bit. “We’re trying it out, at least. I’m kind of excited. When he isn’t being totally insufferable he’s kinda hot.”
There was a flash of…something in Sasuke’s expression. Naruto couldn’t pinpoint it exactly. Concern, maybe? “Well, just be careful. Take it slow, you know?”
“Aww, you worried about me?” Naruto teased, wiggling his eyebrow.
Sasuke rolled his eyes in response. “About both of you, actually. You two aren’t exactly the most…docile when it comes to being near each other.”
“Neither were Gaara and Lee when they first met but now they’re total besties.” Naruto pointed out. It had been…a little weird to Naruto, to be honest.
Gaara had been a new student back in their first year of high school. His older brother was a third year at the time and Temari, his sister, had never graced their school with her terrifying presence due to her being five years older than Gaara. Gaara and Lee had gotten into a huge fight, bloody noses and bruises all over. Naruto had been the one to step in on Lee’s behalf, yanking Lee away as Gaara’s brother fought tooth and nail to yank Gaara as far away from any other human being as he could. Gaara had been a wild thing then, always snarling at people and throwing punches. It was an absolute mystery to Naruto how Lee and Gaara had become friends only a year later. It had been even more confusing when Gaara and Sasuke had become so close in their last year of high school. “You and Gaara didn’t exactly get along well back then, either.”
“Yeah, well, people grow.” Sasuke offered with a rather dramatic shrug of his shoulders.
“Exactly.” Naruto nodded firmly, smiling at his best friend. “People grow. So that’s what he and I are doing. Hopefully, at least. We’ll see how it plays out but I have a good feeling about this.”
Sasuke looked like he was thinking about saying something else but the sound of a door opening stopped him. Naruto looked over to see Gaara stepping out of one of the rooms with his client and when he saw Naruto he paused, blinking in surprise. Despite Gaara being the one to suggest Naruto swing by the shop, clearly Gaara was a little too stunned to see him. Naruto could see Gaara’s eyes dart to Sasuke for a brief moment, as if remembering the role he was supposed to play, and Naruto stepped in to save them both before Gaara blew their cover. “Hey, hot stuff.”
Gaara eyed him and even though his expression remained calm, Naruto could feel the annoyance in the other’s gaze. “Hey. Sorry, I lost track of time. Let me get my client taken care of and then we can talk.”
“Sure thing, no rush.” Naruto waved him off. He watched Gaara lead his client towards the front, eyeing a large koi fish tattoo, fresh and still a little swollen, on the back of her leg. It was gorgeous, a mix of crimson reds and dusky oranges, with brilliant golden eyes.
Despite having seen tons of Gaara’s drawings in the past by accident, he’d never actually seen Gaara’s tattoos on a person’s skin before. He attached the word “artistic” to Gaara with a more unattached, clinical view. Now, though..well, he wouldn’t say it to Gaara’s face but it was actually beautiful to look at.
“You two have plans today?” Sasuke asked curiously.
Naruto shrugged a little. “Nothing solid. We haven’t gotten to hang out much since the party, so maybe we’ll go out tonight and get something to eat. I’m kind of letting him decide.” They’d have to go on dates. Quite a few of them, actually, if they wanted this to look legit. Maybe even a few double dates which made Naruto want to groan. This was a lot of work, but he knew it would be worth it in the end. It had to be if he was subjecting himself to being around Gaara for such a long time.
“Fair.” Sasuke murmured, yawning again. He shook his head to himself and stood up, rolling his shoulders a little bit. “God, I’m stiff as hell today. I have another appointment soon so I'm going to go clean up the room I was using. Talk to you later.”
Naruto watched him go, feeling a little relieved. Sasuke seemed content for now, though Naruto had no idea how much Sasuke was going to be pestering Gaara for information. He didn’t exactly know the extent of their friendship, how close they were and what they talked about. Not that he wanted to, of course. Maybe when he was younger and still dating Sasuke, sure, but now? It was hardly his business.
Gaara came back a few minutes later, gesturing for Naruto to follow him without a word. Naruto fought the urge to roll his eyes, scooping up his backpack and following Gaara back into the workroom he had been in earlier. Gaara started to clean immediately, wiping down the surfaces of everything with disinfectant wipes. "Go ahead and sit wherever."
Well, that didn't leave Naruto much choice. That left either the swivel stool Gaara must use when tattooing, or the bench where the clients sat or laid during the process. He opted for the bench once Gaara wiped it down, heaving himself up and setting his backpack beside himself, unzipping it. "Here, I grabbed these on my way over. You still like these, yeah?"
He tossed a bag of sour gummy worms towards Gaara, watching Gaara catch it and blink curiously at it. The red head glanced at him, head tilted in question, and Naruto shrugged. "You used to eat sour worms at school all the time."
"Yeah like six years ago." Gaara muttered, though he still opened up the bag and popped a worm into his mouth. That was a pretty decent sign.
Honestly, the bag of sour worms had been sitting in his kitchen for almost three weeks now. He mostly wanted them gone and had been pretty sure Gaara was fond of sour candy. It wasn't exactly a peace offering because why the hell would Naruto have to be the one to offer peace? But if he could get Gaara in a decent mood then this whole situation might be more tolerable. "Do you have any other appointments soon?"
"Not for another hour at least." Gaara replied, sitting down on his little swivel stool. He reached for a remote resting on the small sink in the corner and turned on the TV across from where Naruto sat. "I'm putting this on for background noise. Deidara can be nosey and so can Itachi if he's enticed."
Naruto knew that all too well. "Fine with me." He shrugged. "So, we're here to talk details, yeah?"
Gaara sighed and nodded, shoving another sour worm into his mouth. "Mhm." He replied, glancing towards the tv where some nature documentary was playing. "If we want to fool our friends we're going to have to be smart. We have too many intelligent friends."
He had a point. Almost any of their friends would catch on if they slipped up too much but then there were Sasuke, Shikamaru, even Sakura and Sai if they pried a little too much.
“Okay,” Naruto said slowly, nodding to himself. “So we go all out. Go on dates and post cringe pictures on our social media. Probably even tag along on some double dates here and there. Make it look like we actually enjoy being around each other for a while.”
“There’s another problem.” Gaara stated, looking away from the tv to look over at Naruto. “My siblings.”
Naruto raised an eyebrow, scoffing a little. “You totally haven’t told them, have you?” Though, it was sort of a miracle that neither Kiba or Shikamaru had let it slip out yet, either. Truth be told, Temari and Kankuro sort of intimidated Naruto despite how mellow the two had become towards him over the years. The two of them dating two of Naruto’s close friends helped, but he didn’t doubt that there was still some lingering animosity when it came to Naruto being anywhere near Gaara.
“It hasn’t come up.” Gaara shrugged, looking casual, but the way he averted his gaze gave away his anxiety about the whole thing. “I don’t think Shikamaru or Kiba have said anything to them because Temari would have had a lot to say by now if she knew.”
“Not a huge fan of me, I take it?” Naruto drawled, chuckling a little to fight off the small pang of irritation that hit him. He knew that already, he wasn’t an idiot. He just…sort of hated when people didn’t like him. But he knew he couldn’t blame either Kankuro or Temari for the harsh feelings.
“Not exactly.” Gaara mumbled. “She likes you enough on your own, I guess, but any time she knows I'm going somewhere and you’re going to be there, too, she sort of gets really angry and on edge. So does my brother, though he’s calmed a lot in the last few years.”
“That’s fair.” Naruto sighed dramatically, running a hand through his hair. “I guess if we want this to really look believable, we’ll have to hang out at your house together a bit. I’m sure your siblings would mention it to Kiba or Shika if we didn’t.”
Gaara looked ready to object, scowling a little bit, but instead he shoved another worm in his mouth and rolled his eyes. “And what about your parents?”
“What about them?” Naruto frowned a little, sitting up straighter.
“Well, I’m sure many of our friends hang out at your house. Where your parents live.” Gaara said slowly, looking at Naruto like he was dumb. Gods, it made Naruto want to shake the life out of him. “It would be a little weird to our friends if your parents didn’t know we were dating. Your parents are pretty active in your life, are they not?”
“They are…” Naruto trailed off, biting his lip as he thought about it. He could always take a risk and let his parents in on their little plan…but that wouldn’t end well. His parents would give them away or, even worse, state their disapproval and try to talk Naruto out of it. But telling them that he was dating Gaara…well, that was also risky. They weren’t exactly Gaara’s biggest fans. “I…guess you’re right. We’ll have to hang out at my house, too. God, you thought really hard about this, huh?”
“One of us had to.” Gaara snorted.
Naruto chose to ignore that, continuing, “Okay, so that part is settled. Next we should probably figure out when we want to break up. I’m thinking maybe…three months? We can break up in February?” It would score both of them pity points if they broke up right before Valentine’s Day. “Three months is a good time frame, I think. That’s usually when you know if a relationship is gonna last a while or not.”
“Then what do you call your one month relationship with Sai?” Gaara scoffed, a little too loudly for Naruto’s liking.
Naruto’s face went hot. “I call that me needing a rebound after breaking up with Sasuke and Sai needing someone to fawn over when Ino was playing hard to get with him.” He huffed out with a little more force than he meant to. “Everyone has one or two little flings every now and again, anyways. Didn’t you?”
Gaara blinked slowly at him. Was he thinking about it? Honestly, Naruto couldn’t remember a time where Gaara had actually been known to date anyone. In high school he had been too mean and violent. After that…well, Naruto didn’t exactly make it a goal to know what Gaara did in his free time but he was pretty sure he would have heard from Lee or someone else if gaara had been dating anyone at some point.
“I haven’t, no.” Gaara replied after a moment. His voice was soft but had a firmness to it, one that told Naruto that he was certainly not going to get anything else like that out of Gaara any time soon.
The guy was too wound up. Ugh.
“Okay, well, then we listen to me since I clearly have more experience in these things.” Naruto stated, kicking his feet a little as he smiled smugly. “So we break up in February. We can figure out a reason later, I think.”
“You sure?” Gaara hummed, wearing a smile that was too sweet to be genuine. “Because I can name a dozen reasons off the top of my head if you want.”
“Don’t be a dick. It’s too early in the afternoon, dude.” Naruto muttered, looking towards the Tv. There was a herd of elephants on the screen, the camera focusing on a little baby one. Cute. “The next thing is gonna have to be how we interact with each other. I mean, like touching each other and shit in front of people because honestly, you were so stiff that morning at Sakura’s that I felt like I was holding you hostage or something.”
Gaara sighed. Loudly. “I wasn’t exactly at my best. I was hung over.”
“So was I but I still managed to play my part.” Naruto pointed at Gaara, frowning. “You, my dude, suck at keeping how you feel out of your facial expressions. You’re literally always looking slo annoyed or angry and you’re gonna have to look…I don’t know, happy? Horny? In love at least a little bit?”
Okay, maybe Naruto was exaggerating just a little bit. There had been plenty of times where he’d seen Gaara actually look…content. Happy, even. It had been in passing, sure, but the guy knew how to not look murderous all the time. He supposed, though, that acting was a little harder in the heat of the moment.
“What do you suggest then?” Gaara asked impatiently, the bag of gummy worms finally being set aside on the edge of the small sink. “What, do we practice holding hands and shit?”
That…was actually exactly what they’d have to do. “Well, yeah. I mean if you look like you want to skin me alive every time I touch you then this plan is doomed.”
Gaara sighed loudly again but he didn’t actually argue. He actually looked a little angry and Naruto was ready, mentally preparing himself for a yelling match if it came to that. He hoped it wouldn’t because then the whole plan was done for but one could never be too careful. Gaara took a deep breath and gave a short, firm nod. “You’re right.”
“Need to get you saying that on camera some time.” Naruto snorted, smirking softly at the narrowed eyes of the other man. He held out a hand towards Gaara, raising an eyebrow. “So come on. Hold my damn hand.”
If you had told Naruto back when he was fourteen that he’d one day be in a small, private tattoo room with Gaara, asking for the other to hold his hand, Naruto would have fallen over with laughter. Here he was, though, waiting patiently.
Gaara scowled and slowly, as if Naruto’s skin would burn him, he reached out his hand and set it in Naruto’s. The first thing Naruto noticed was that Gaara’s skin was chilly despite the warmth of the shop. The second thing he noticed was that Gaara’s hand was really soft. Weirdly soft? It wasn’t entirely uncomfortable though, he noted idly as he intertwined their fingers slowly. Sure, he didn’t like that it was Gaara’s hand he was holding but he didn’t want to vomit upon first contact. Honestly, Naruto was a pretty physical guy anyways when it came to his friends and relationships so this part of it wouldn’t be that hard for him. He figured that for Gaara, who seemed allergic to any and all human contact, it would be a nightmare.
He shouldn’t have been as smug about that as he was but he was going to take whatever wins he could while being forced into the same proximity as Gaara for the time being.
“See?” He offered a small, smug smile. “You aren’t melting or anything.”
“There’s still time.” Gaara murmured, eyeing their joined hands wearily. “We’ll have to practice hugging and everything else, won’t we?”
“Yep.” Naruto nodded. “I don’t need the practice but you clearly do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gaara frowned at him.
Naruto shrugged. “You don’t exactly strike me as someone that touches other people frequently. If we don’t practice, then you’ll get caught off guard if I grab your hand or put an arm around you in front of people. Don’t need you throwing a punch at me when I try to hold your hand.”
Gaara’s frown deepened as he looked away, shaking Naruto’s hand off of his own. “I’m not comfortable with most people touching me. There are a few exceptions.”
Naruto could figure out who those exceptions were. Temari and Kankuro for sure. Lee, Shikamaru, and Kiba. Sasuke as well. Naruto had seen the two interact in the past, as bizarre as it was to see them shoving each other and poking at each other like siblings.
“You just have to pretend, dude.” Vaguely, Naruto thought back to high school. There had been…rumors back then about Gaara and his siblings. Rumors about their home and about their dad specifically. He had largely ignored them because, really, he couldn’t give a shit about Gaara back then. But the rumors of his dad, of him being a less than kind man, put Gaara’s touch aversion into perspective. If it was true, that is, because Naruto had never actually found out. “The more we practice the easier it’ll be.”
“I know that.” Gaara did a lazy circle with his swivel stool, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m just not exactly fond of putting myself in uncomfortable situations for the hell of it.’
“It isn’t just ‘for the hell of it’, man.” Naruto reminded him. “It’s so we can finally hate each other in peace without our friends accusing us of wanting to rip each other’s clothes off all the time.”
He could tell from the way Gaara’s shoulder slumped a little that Gaara knew he was right and that he wanted their friends to stop just as much as he did.
“Fine, fine.” Gaara nodded and looked back at Naruto, a small frown on his face. “We can…go out after I’m done with my next appointment, I guess. I don’t really know where.”
“The mall is always a good option.” Naruto saw the way Gaara cringed at the idea. Which was unfortunate because Naruto loved the mall and he was going to get a mall trip out of this, even if Gaara was allergic to humanity. “Don’t look at me like that; it has something for everyone! We can grab food and shop a little and I’ll take some cheesy pictures for social media.”
“I guess that’s fine.” Gaara mumbled, sounding less than thrilled. Naruto wondered if he was ever thrilled about anything. “I didn’t bring my car today so we’ll have to use yours. You’re going to drop me off at home after.”
Sure. Naruto supposed that it was the least he could do considering their current situation. "Don't worry. I'll let you pick the next date activity, sweetums. "
"Nope. No. Absolutely not." Gaara shot Naruto a rather nasty glare. "You are so not calling me that. Ever."
"Oh, come on!" Naruto cackled loudly, not even trying to hold it in. How could he when Gaara looked so appalled at such an idiotic term of endearment? "There's going to be some horrible pet names. There can't be fake dating without ridiculous pet names."
"Then think of something less hideous." Gaara stood up and ran a hand through his hair, looking towards the documentary again. Jeeze, did the guy ever just feel calm? Ever? He looked like he was one wrong word away from blowing up.
That wasn't anything new from him, sure, but Naruto didn't exactly want to deal with it. He’d have a couple months to deal with it, though, and he already felt exhausted thinking about it. He glanced towards the Tv and then back at Gaara, who seemed set on looking focused on it. “Do you even care about what’s on Tv or are you just trying not to look at me?”
Gaara crossed his arms and glanced over at him, frowning again. Seriously, Naruto couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen a genuine smile on the guy’s face. “I’m not a fan of looking people in the eye for too long.”
Well…Naruto could sort of understand that. He didn’t have a problem with it but he worked with some kids at the preschool like that who shied away from eye contact as if it burned. He knew a few friends with the same problem too and it was sort of a dick move to make fun of someone for it. Eye contact was rough for people and for Gaara, who didn’t seem fond of people at all, it actually sort of made sense. It paired well with the red head’s habit of either not speaking at all or speaking in short, fragmented sentences.
As much as Naruto hated the guy, he wasn’t going to be a dick about that stuff. “That’s fair.” He relented with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Okay, Sweetums is off the table. I’ll come up with something better but still terrible.” The list of disgusting pet names was endless, after all.
“I’m sure you will.” Gaara gave a small shake of his head. “Can you think of anything else we need to go over?”
“Not really,” Naruto admitted. “They already know how we allegedly got together so we don’t have to worry about coming up with that. We really just have to focus on playing pretend well enough.”
Easier said than done but he was going to try to be optimistic. Clearly he was going to be the only one capable of it between the two of them. “Well, we’ll also have to actually talk to each other too.” He added after a moment, almost as an afterthought. “Like, have actual conversations and get to know each other.”
Gaara actually groaned and Naruto almost laughed because he wanted to groan at the thought as well. It was almost comical to think about because, as history has shown many times before, the both of them were terrible at having civil conversations that lasted more than one or two minutes. But how could you fake date without talking to each other? It wasn’t like they could go out on their fake dates and just not speak to one another. How would that help their “chemistry” when their friends were around?
“I hate this plan.” Gaara brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I already knew that, by the way. I wasn’t just going to ignore you during all of this as much as I wish I could. I…can’t exactly play pretend like that.”
Well, good. That was good. Gaara would be more useful than Naruto previously thought.
Naruto let Gaara stew in silence for a moment, looking around at the room. This was Gaara’s own personal work room. All of the artists at the shop had their own work rooms, he had learned from Hinata and Sasuke. They all decorated it differently. Gaara’s was…not exactly what Naruto had expected. The walls were painted a sort of pastel green color and there were several plants, mostly small little succulents on the counter and by the Tv. There was art work on the wall which Naruto assumed was all Gaara’s own work, mostly given away by the framed sketch of a purple sphynx cat with three bright green eyes. “Hey, that’s the one you have on your arm.”
Gaara glanced towards the picture and nodded a little. “It is.”
“Does it…symbolize anything?” Naruto wasn’t sure if Gaara was a symbolism type guy.
Gaara shook his head. “No, not really.” He glanced at the picture again and then looked back at Naruto. "Sometimes I just like a design a lot."
Well, yeah. That made sense. Naruto would probably be the same way if he had the skills and didn't hate needles.
"You just kinda strike me as a symbolism guy." Naruto echoed his earlier thought. "I mean, I'd think you'd be covered in tattoos."
"Ah." Gaara crossed the room to the tv and shut it off. "One day. Maybe. Haven't thought about it much. What about you? No tattoos in the future?"
"Nope!" Naruto shook his head quickly. "I don't do needles. I'll throw up or pass out."
Gaara grimaced a little. "Disgusting."
"Not like I chose to hate needles." Naruto muttered in reply.
"Suppose that's true." Gaara murmured, sighing. "My next appointment should be here soon. Go wait out there and when I finish up the appointment we can go."
"Oh, yeah. Totally." Grabbing his backpack again, Naruto slid off the bench and offered a small wave. "I'll be out there, then."
Gaara's only response was a grunt that Naruto paid no mind to. He made his way back to the little common area and plopped down on one of the couches. Itachi was talking with a client, going over a sketch idea, and Konan was back at the front desk dealing with a few other people that had shown up. It seemed like business was picking up so Naruto settled in, pulling his phone and ear buds out.
He had videos to watch.
4:15 p.m.
The ride to the mall was quiet. It wasn't like Naruto had expected much of a conversation but the suffocating silence had been miserable. Gaara had pretty much acted as if Naruto wasn't there, staring out the window with his arms crossed. It annoyed Naruto to no end. Here he was actually putting in the effort to make this whole situation look as authentic as possible and Gaara was still acting the same as always. Aloof and uncaring.
Naruto couldn't stand him.
Gaara was still silent when they got to the mall, though at least his annoyance didn't feel like it was directed at Naruto this time. It felt directed at every other person in the mall, though.
Naruto shoved an elbow into Gaara's side. "You trying to blow people up with your mind again?"
"What?" Gaara shoved Naruto away a little only to step closer to him a moment later when a group of kids darted past him. "No. Why?"
"Because that's what you look like," He replied with a scoff. "You hate the mall that much, huh? What do you even do in your free time? Just stay at your house?"
"I do plenty," Gaara muttered. "In less crowded places."
"We won't be here long." Naruto was veering them towards the food court. As much as he would have enjoyed actually shopping around he was pretty sure Gaara's patience was at its ends as it was. Give Naruto another hour with him and so would his own. "We'll just eat and I'll take a few pictures and we'll talk."
"Talk about what?"
"Dunno." Naruto admitted, glancing at the other for a second. "Get to know each other, I guess."
It seemed like the logical place to start. Couples knew each other and could answer questions about each other. Knowing their friend group there would be lots of questions and a lot of them all trying to determine if Gaara and Naruto were serious about each other. It would be extremely suspicious if they didn't at least know the basics about one another.
Luckily the food court wasn't too packed and Gaara snagged them a table pretty quickly, sitting down with a sigh that sounded far too dramatic for the situation. Naruto offered to get food (pizza because it was easy and Gaara didn't seem picky) and once they both had a slice of pizza and soda in front of them, Naruto felt himself relax as he leaned back into his seat across from the other. He took a bite of his pizza and pulled out his phone, aiming the camera at Gaara as the red head took a sip of his soda. “Smile for the camera~”
“Fuck off.” Gaara, to his credit, managed to at least offer an awkward half smile despite his venomous response.
It wasn’t that bad of a picture. Gaara didn’t look annoyed which was what was most important and, instead, looked awkward. Maybe even shy. It sort of looked great for their “first date” so Naruto didn’t waste any time posting it to his Snapchat, knowing that their friends would all start to see it within the hour. “That’s actually not a bad picture. Want me to send it to you?”
“Why would I want a picture of myself?”
“What, you don’t take pictures of yourself? Like, ever?”
Gaara frowned at him and shook his head slowly. “I can’t think of anything worse, actually. I don’t take pictures of myself.”
Huh. Weird. Selfies and constantly posting your own face on social media was pretty much the norm for everyone these days. Then again, Gaara was always an outlier. Always the guy that veered away from what everyone else did. Naruto used to chalk it up to Gaara and his siblings coming from a rich family and no friends. His siblings, though, were pretty active on social media all the time. So, maybe Gaara was just weird in general. Naruto had no problem believing that one.
“You said we should talk.” Gaara spoke up when he had finished his slice of pizza minutes later.
Naruto nodded. “Yeah, I mean we should at least know the basics about each other.” He explained. “We’re supposed to be a couple so…it would be weird if we didn’t know anything about each other. So…what’s your favorite color?”
“Green.”
Naruto blinked in surprise, head cocked to the side. “Huh?”
“Green.” Gaara repeated blandly, watching Naruto with an unamused frown. “That’s my favorite color.”
“Really?” Naruto let out a small laugh and he shook his head when he saw Gaara’s eyes narrow. “You don’t really strike me as a green kind of guy. I was expecting red or black; something edgy like that.”
“Red is fine.” Gaara murmured, looking away from Naruto as he took another sip of his drink. “I like green. Not…not all green but dark green is good. Pastel green is really good.”
Well, that was one surprise so far. Naruto nodded slowly. “Alright. Green. That’s a good choice.”
“What’s yours?” Gaara asked him.
Naruto grinned a bit. “Orange, obviously. But I really like blue, too. I guess it's a tie between orange and blue now that I think about it.”
“Figures,” Gaara muttered, propping his chin in his hand. He looked bored, which was better than him looking angry.
Naruto couldn’t even be annoyed that the other was bored; anything to keep this whole ordeal as civil as possible. “What’s your usual work schedule?”
Gaara seemed to think about it. “It depends. I work five or six days a week usually, mostly because Deidara and Itachi won’t let me overwork myself. My schedule just depends on my appointments. I book appointments as far as two months out so right now everything is sort of all over the place. I can usually make time for anything, though, because I don’t take walk in’s and my appointment cut off is usually four or five at the latest.”
That was probably the most Gaara had ever spoken to Naruto in one sitting since they met. It was sort of weird to have a normal conversation with him that didn’t result in screaming or throwing things at each other.
“Makes sense,” Naruto replied thoughtfully. “I’m free on weekends mostly. I work at a preschool Monday through Friday, but I only work from seven in the morning to three in the afternoon so I have evenings free. We can plan more ‘dates’ and stuff around our schedules.”
“Suppose so,” Gaara agreed, sighing. “Alright, next question. Go for it.”
Naruto was going to have to be the one coming up with everything, it seemed. “What do you do in your free time?”
“Work on client sketches. Read. Video games.” Gaara murmured. “I hang out with Lee or someone. Depends on the day. What about you?”
“I go out a lot.” Naruto replied with a small smile. “I hang with Sasuke and Sakura a lot. We see movies together or go get food. I hang out with Ino a lot, too. We usually hit up the gym together every so often. If I’m at home I play video games or whatever. I like to keep busy.”
Gaara nodded as if he actually cared about that information. “I can tell.”
Naruto scoffed a little bit and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t like being bored.” He said simply, reaching for his own drink and taking a long sip. “What do your brother and sister do for work again?”
Gaara blinked in surprise. “Temari used to be an assistant to the leader of a big domestic violence advocacy program but she left some time ago. Now she is a personal trainer most of the time. She works at a gym not too far from our house; it's where she see’s most of her clients. She does a women’s self defense course every few months as well. She makes good money doing both.”
Right, now Naruto remembered Shikamaru telling him that before. “And your brother?”
“He works at a publishing house.” Gaara told him. “He does a majority of his work at home but he goes into the office once or twice a week. He manages the company’s social media presence and all of that. It’s very…technical work.”
“Is that your fancy way of saying it's boring?” Naruto smirked a little bit. “Because it honestly sounds really boring.”
“It is boring but he enjoys it so…that’s what matters.” Gaara had that little half smile on his face again and Naruto…kinda liked to see that. “Your dad is an author, isn’t he?”
Naruto perked up, feeling the grin forming on his lips. “Yeah!” He gushed excitedly. “He’s done a few childrens’ books but he mostly does thriller and horror stuff. It isn’t really my thing but he’s pretty good.”
"That's cool." Gaara offered, looking mildly impressed. Or at least Naruto was pretty sure that was an impressed look on the other's face. "And your mom?"
"Total hardcore business lady." Naruto drawled with a shrug. "Literally one promotion away from running the place, to be honest with you. She's totally scary when she works but she thrives in working environments." It drove his mom nuts on the best of days but she had worked hard to get where she was and to get the level of respect she deserved in her work place.
Naruto caught himself grinning and tried to calm his expression down, clearing his throat. "And your dad is sort of the same, right? He runs the whole company where he works?"
Naruto saw the exact moment he said something wrong. Gaara's eyes widened just slightly and there was the small flex of his jaw as he clenched it. Gaara’s eyes narrowed after a moment and, despite the fact that Naruto couldn't care less about the guy, it did create a small knot of anxiety in his stomach. That sort of reaction from anyone would have set Naruto's anxiety off so he didn't stress too hard about it. It did, however, make him weary of a fight between the two of them.
"I'd rather not talk about my father." Gaara said slowly, looking away.
Naruto hated the anxiety still swimming around in his gut. It couldn't be helped, he knew. Any sort of sudden mood shift in people caused it. He blamed Sasuke a little bit but only because he couldn't bring himself to blame Sasuke entirely. Their romantic relationship had been messy and left both of them worse than when they started but…well, Sasuke had his reasons. And Naruto had long since accepted the fact that his anxiety would always sort of linger there even if he and Sasuke were on great terms now.
But damn, getting it from a mood shift from Gaara, of all people? The same guy that Naruto had actually beaten up a couple of times? Gaara ? He chalked it up to being blind sided by the sudden cold shoulder. They had, after all, been getting along fairly well up until Naruto brought up Gaara's dad.
Naruto didn't know Rasa Sabaku well. He had met him a few times in highschool when the man had been called in because of one of their numerous fights, though near Gaara's third year Temari had started showing up in their father's place. From what he could remember, Rasa was a kind of intimidating man. He certainly never seemed pleased to have to come down to their school for their fights.
Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure that most of them in their friend group knew very little about Rasa aside from the unsavory rumors that had gone around. Sasuke was an exception, he was sure, along with Kiba and Shikamaru. Lee too, most likely.
"That's fine," Naruto replied smoothly, despite the curiosity that was creeping up on him. "Switching topics, then. You're like, super into horror movies, right?"
Gaara glanced back at him, an eyebrow raised. "Yeah." He answered. "I'll give any horror movie a shot."
Naruto shuddered. "I don't understand how you can watch those for fun." He admitted with a small grimace. "If I watch anything scary after six in the evening I'll be too paranoid to sleep."
"Well, I'm not a wuss like you are." Gaara sneered. Yes, he actually sneered. He looked proud and everything!
Ugh. The anxiety was slowly being replaced by irritation all over again.
Naruto rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, leaning back in his seat again. "Don't be a dick. We're boyfriends, remember?"
"In front of our friends." Gaara pointed out. "When it's just you and I, we don't have to play pretend so long as we don't kill each other."
"Well, then if you keep being a dick I will kill you." Naruto huffed out, frowning. "I'm being really nice to you, you know. I don't have to be. It isn't like you deserve any kindness from me."
Gaara sat up straight in his seat and the look on his face would have probably scared anyone else. In truth, Gaara's death glares did still sort of unsettle Naruto a little but they'd been doing this for so long that mostly they just irritated him more these days.
"I didn't ask you to be nice to me." Gaara spoke slowly, like he was really trying to keep his voice steady. "I also wasn't the one that suggested this insane idea so stop bitching about it. I'm trying my best here in a situation that makes me want to rip my skin off."
"Wow. Is the idea of dating me that horrible?" Naruto was glaring. He was glaring and his voice sounded annoyed. God, this guy really knew how to get under his skin. It was sort of a low blow, to be honest, though Gaara had no real way to know that Naruto was a tad insecure in his ability to hold down a relationship.
But hell, it sure was annoying how easily Gaara could get under his skin in any situation.
"The idea of dating anyone is horrible." Gaara hissed, a fist clenching on the table. "That's why I haven't done it."
Naruto couldn't help it; he laughed. It was a low blow on his part to laugh at someone's lack of experience but his nerves were a little all over the place at this point. He couldn't stop himself. There was a small part of his brain that was almost relieved that Gaara had admitted to never dating anyone. It made Naruto seem like less of a jerk for assuming it and it meant he didn't have to feel bad for whatever random stranger would have been unfortunate enough to date Gaara in the first place.
“Fair point.” He relented once his minor laughing fit had calmed down. He cleared his throat and took a rather long drink of his soda, eyeing Gaara pointedly. “Okay, I acknowledge that you must be doing your best given your apparent lack of life experience. That being said, I may have been the one to suggest this whole thing but you went along with it. You could have said no.” He wasn’t really sure why Gaara had agreed in the first place. It was normal for Naruto to have insane ideas all the time but not Gaara. Then again, Gaara was just as fed up with their friends as he was so he couldn’t blame him. “We need to work together. We don’t have to be best friends or anything but we have to be as civil as we can manage.”
“You test the limits of my strength when it comes to that.” Well, Naruto had to give him credit for being blunt.
He sighed heavily, bringing a hand up to rub at his face in exasperation. “Yeah, well you’re not exactly my ideal choice for someone to spend time with, either.”
“Glad we’re on the same page.”
“Oddly enough, we’re always on the same page.”
To Naruto’s surprise, Gaara cracked the smallest of smiles. It was nothing more than a small quirk of his lips but it was enough to count as a smile, as far as Naruto was concerned. He sighed again, glancing at his phone when it buzzed on the table top.
Several responses from his picture of Gaara already.
Ino: Aww, are you guys on a date???
Neji: holy shit you two weren’t joking
Lee: LOVE THAT FOR YOU!!!!
Naruto snorted and looked back at Gaara. “The picture seems to be doing its job.”
“I can imagine.” Gaara scoffed in reply, standing up and taking his now empty drink cup and his empty plate to a trash bin a few feet away. He came back but didn’t sit down, looking at Naruto as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his black hoodie. “Can you take me home now? I’m tired.”
Not exactly the long mall trip Naruto usually took but he was at his limit too. He stood up and shoved his phone into his pocket. “Yeah, sure. I’ve been up since early this morning anyway.” The curse of working a day time job but he wouldn’t trade it for the world.
They fell into step together as they made their way through the mall, Gaara avoiding being as close to other people as he could manage. Naruto couldn't imagine being on Gaara's level of hating people.
"We should hang out again." Naruto offered. He didn't exactly want to and there were about a million other ways he could spend his time but he was going to treat this whole fake dating thing like a second job. "When are you free next?"
"Sunday any time after eleven in the morning," Gaara answered back. "But I don't want to go anywhere. Especially not here again."
"I was probably lucky enough to get you to come here once with me." Naruto wasn't going to push his luck just yet. "We can…hang out at my house?"
He sort of regretted it the moment he said it. Having Gaara in his house sounded horrendous in a dozen different ways. The fact that his parents would most likely see made him a little uneasy too, though that had been exactly the point Gaara had made earlier at the tattoo shop. If they were going to do this right then they would have to fool everyone, parents included.
Gaara seemed just as weirded out at the suggestion as he did which made Naruto feel a little better. He and Gaara shared a moment of awkward eye contact before Gaara spoke up. "Your house."
"That's what I said, yeah."
"You want me to go to your house?"
" Yes , Gaara." Naruto hissed. "If you make me repeat myself I will literally kill you."
He could almost feel Gaara's eye roll. "Are you sure that's a good idea so soon? When we talked about it earlier today I didn't mean we had to do it now."
"I know but might as well get it done." Naruto had a habit of pushing off things that seemed stressful but he was trying to not do that anymore. So, they would have to dive head first into this. It would be a good test for the both of them despite how awkward it would most likely end up being. “I’d honestly rather deal with explaining it to my parents first than facing your brother and sister.”
Temari and Kankuro were protective of Gaara and they always had been. That was one of the things that made them so intimidating back when they were all teenagers. Temari would come down to the school with the full rage of a furious mom, ready to sink her teeth into anyone that laid a hand on Gaara which, more often than not, was Naruto. Kankuro, for the two years he went to their school before graduating, was just as vicious when it came to Gaara back then and got in his own fair share of fights to defend his brother. Temari and Kankuro were pretty laid back with Naruto now, of course, but…well, Naruto hadn’t been dating their brother until now. He was content to push that stressful situation off for as long as possible.
“Alright,” Gaara murmured after a moment. “Then I’ll come by your house on Sunday.” At least he sounded as weirded out by the idea as Naruto felt.
They made it back to Naruto’s car and Gaara rattled off his address, making Naruto blink in surprise as he started the car up. “You live three streets away from me. Have you guys always lived that close to me?”
“No.” Gaara shook his head a little. “We moved to this house a couple of years ago. We had an apartment about twenty minutes away from our current place before we moved.”
“Oh.” Naruto nodded a bit, watching the road as he drove the car out of the mall parking lot. There wasn’t much else to say about that, though he was still surprised that they lived so close to each other. He was more surprised that they hadn’t run into each other more. Naruto was out and about a lot and figured they would have run into one another at some point, but then again they worked on totally different schedules. Besides, even if they had run into each other in passing they most likely would have ignored each other anyways.
They fell into a silence again, one that made Naruto feel antsy. He wanted to turn the radio on but that seemed sort of rude and he wasn’t even sure what sort of music Gaara liked. He didn’t exactly seem like a pop music kind of guy. Naruto searched his brain for a topic, something for them to fill the silence with. Their horribly awkward morning at Sakura’s house came to mind and he perked up. “Hey, remember when we were talking that morning at Sakura’s place?”
“I wish I didn’t but yes, I remember.” Gaara sighed. Loudly. “Why?”
“You never answered my question that day.” Naruto spared a quick glance at him, being met with a look of purse confusion. He rolled his own eyes. “You never told me who in our friend group you had sex with.”
“God, of course you’re still thinking about that.” Gaara scoffed, crossing his arms as he glanced out the passenger side window.
“You can’t blame me for being curious.” Naruto insisted, looking back at the road. “I figured that any one in our friend group would have mentioned that happening. You know how they are; there’s no secrets literally ever. But I haven’t heard from anyone about you hooking up with someone. I kinda thought you weren’t even into that sort of thing.”
“If you haven’t heard about it from them then there’s probably a reason.” Gaara pointed out. Which…okay, that was a fair point. “I’m not telling you.”
“Was it Lee?”
“What? Lee isn’t even into men.”
Naruto hummed, a little amused. “Well, I don’t know. Maybe he got curious one night and the two of you-”
“It isn’t Lee.” Gaara cut in quickly, exasperated. He rubbed at his face with one of his hands and sighed again. “I’m seriously not telling you, Naruto. It isn’t any of your business. Yes, I sometimes have sexual feelings and desires. Wild fucking concept to you, I know, since you seem to think I’m some sort of emotionless black hole of a person.” There was a lot of irritation in Gaara’s voice by the end of that.
Naruto bit his lip for a second, fighting back his initial annoyance. “Okay, well I don’t think you’re emotionless. I think you’re a giant walking mass of rage and annoyance; big difference. You can’t blame me for being curious, either; it’s you. As far as I knew you weren’t into people enough to sleep with anyone. Sleeping together is a type of secret no one in our group can hide.”
He had ventured into dangerous territory with Gaara, though. He had mostly meant it in a joking sort of way, though he had been extremely curious. He could see now, though, that he wasn’t going to be getting an answer. He’d try again another time when they were both hopefully more acclimated with each other.
They arrived at Gaara’s house and Naruto stopped the car, sighing. “See you Sunday, I guess.”
Gaara opened up the car door and spared a glance back at Naruto. “Yeah. See you.” He got out without another word and headed for the front door.
Naruto waited until he saw Gaara go inside of his house before finally deflating a bit. The whole day had been exhausting. He had thought that not fighting with Gaara would have been fine but he didn’t realize how draining it would be to play nice. He was thankful Gaara had mostly played nice too, sure, but doing this for several months?
It was exhausting just to think about it. He was ready to drive home and relax for the night.
Sunday, November 5th, 12:00 p.m.
I’m on my way.
The text from Gaara had come in about five minutes ago, though Gaara was leaving from the tattoo shop so he had a little bit of time. Naruto had spent the last hour cleaning up his bedroom, something he’d been neglecting the last week or so. It wasn't that it was particularly dirty but he was a little on edge knowing Gaara was going to be in his house.
The picture of Gaara at the mall food court had gone wonderfully. All their friends had messaged him about it one way or another and it seemed that while a majority of them were skeptical, for the most part everyone was taking it in stride. So far their plan had been going pretty well, despite the lack of planning that had initially gone into it. But he and Gaara being on the same page and talking out the details had helped; Naruto worked better with details that could be adjusted along the way than things set in stone.
He was mostly on edge with his parents being home, to be fair. His dad was in his home office downstairs for a while and his mom was in their room, taking a nap. Sundays were generally slow in the Uzumaki household, but Gaara coming over was not a common thing. Naruto hadn't even told his parents that Gaara would be coming over.
Another text came in a bit later, a single word from Gaara.
Here .
Straight and to the point, in his usual fashion. Naruto made his way downstairs and yanked open the front door. Gaara stood on the porch dressed in a dark green sweater and baggy black sweats. He looked…comfortable. And warm for the chilly November afternoon. He offered Naruto a small nod of acknowledgement. "Hi."
"Hey." Naruto opened the door a little wider, gesturing for Gaara to come in. "Have any of the others asked about you and I yet?"
Gaara sighed and fixed him with a rather unamused glare. "You have no idea." He muttered, kicking his shoes off by the door as Naruto shut it. "Working with Hinata and Sasuke is miserable because of our little situation. Don't even get me started on Itachi. But Lee has also been quite curious."
"I so don't envy you on the Sasuke and Hinata front." Naruto chuckled. "But that's a good sign that everyone's taking this seriously."
"The first month will be the hardest." Gaara agreed lightly, glancing around the entryway of the house. He glanced towards the living room off to their left, then to Naruto. "Nice house."
"Uh…thanks?" Naruto cleared his throat. "I'd give you a tour but you probably don't care and I honestly don't want to do that. So let's go up to my room." Preferably before they ran into either of his parents.
"How romantic." Gaara drawled with a half hearted smirk, rolling his eyes. "Lead the way."
"Don't be a smart ass in my home." Naruto huffed, leading Gaara up the stairs. He veered Gaara into his room and made sure to shut the door behind them, running a hand through his hair. “You can sit anywhere you want but the bed is the most comfortable. That gaming chair at the desk is like, almost as old as I am.”
Gaara seemed stiff as he glanced around, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed. It was sort of like he was calculating how much space to take up, an idea that made Naruto want to scoff. Gaara had always been a presence of rage and fire with no regard to how much space his freak outs took up. It was hard to imagine him being the opposite now that they were older. He was just awkward, Naruto figured, because this was his first time at Naruto’s house and it was a weird thing for the both of them. He gave the room another once over and it made Naruto take a second look as well.
His room pretty much reflected his own personality, something he figured everyone’s room should do. He had a king sized bed with dark blue sheets and a matching dark blue comforter. The walls were covered in band posters and posters from movies and anime, though dotted around the walls were pictures of his family and friends. His Tv was pretty big and sat near the foot of the bed and it was where he did most of his gaming and movie watching, though his earlier mentioned old ass gaming chair was there too, tucked into the writing desk against the far wall that was covered in books and folded clothes he had yet to put away. He had a laundry hamper by his bedroom door. He had a small, half filled garbage bin next to his night stand. He had some fancy Led lights that lined his room, though they were turned off right now as he opted for the main overhead light. All in all, his room was…a little boring, though it suited him just fine. Knick knacks on some shelves here and there. His gaming setup. His bed was messily made because he just could never make his bed even if he reminded himself.
“It's clean.” Gaara spoke up after a second, meeting Naruto’s gaze. “I sort of expected the opposite.”
“I actually keep my room pretty clean.” Naruto scoffed and strode across the room, climbing onto his bed and reclining into the mound of pillows he had bunched at the head. “It was a little dirty because this last week was a nightmare without my usual work routine but I mean it’s usually fairly clean.”
Gaara hummed, maybe in acknowledgment? Naruto wasn’t sure. “Do you function better with routines?”
Naruto blinked in surprise and then shrugged a little bit. “Yeah, I guess so.” He admitted, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck. “My ADHD works better with them, at least. It isn’t perfect but establishing a routine helps me for the most part. I usually always tidy up my room before I leave for work in the morning so that way I don’t leave it till the end of the night and end up either getting distracted or being too tired to do it.” He wasn't sure why he was explaining all of this.
To his credit, Gaara at least looked a little intrigued. “I didn’t know you had ADHD.”
“No?” Naruto figured that at this point it was a pretty obvious thing about himself that most people caught onto. “Yeah, I was diagnosed during our freshman year of highschool. It totally explained why I struggled so hard in school up till then. I’m surprised you never caught on.”
“To be honest I just thought you were extremely annoying on purpose.” Gaara said it so boldly that Naruto wanted to be angry…but his tone held nothing but honesty. So, it was sort of hard when Gaara was probably just being honest. “But yes, that makes sense.”
“Thanks.” Naruto replied dryly, scowling a bit. He sighed and looked past Gaara at his Tv where he had left a movie running earlier when he had started cleaning. “I didn’t really plan ahead for us to do anything in particular while you’re here.”
Gaara shrugged and finally scooted onto the bed more, seeming to relax a little bit. “We don’t have to do anything.”
“If you’re here then we probably should.”
“If you say so.”
Ah, there it was. That flicker of annoyance ignited in Naruto’s gut. He took a slow breath and looked back at Gaara, frowning. “I know neither of us are very happy about the situation we put ourselves in but you have to meet me halfway, dude. What do you want to do? There has to be something.”
The slightly relaxed posture Gaara had taken on shifted as he sat up straighter again, scowling at Naruto in response. “We can do whatever you want.”
There was nothing more anxiety-inducing than that sort of response, in Naruto’s opinion. When he had been dating Sasuke and their relationship had started to crumble, the phrase “we can do whatever you want” was always a sign that Sasuke was upset or wanted to be left alone but didn’t have the heart to say so. It always led to Naruto deciding on an activity only for the both of them to end up bickering or fighting about it halfway through. What was he supposed to do, though, when the other person wouldn’t just say what they really wanted?
Naruto clenched his fists for a second, shaking off the wave of anxiety that tried to wash over him. “Dude. Just pick something. Anything.”
“I can’t.”
“ Gaara -”
“Naruto.” Gaara cut him off almost immediately, his voice a hiss. He seemed to stop himself, taking a deep breath. Naruto was already bracing himself for some sort of mean comment or some stupid remark that was going to piss him off, but he wasn’t…exactly anticipating what Gaara said next. “I won’t enjoy doing anything if I'm the one that picks what we do. I’m going to be anxious the entire time because I'm boring, I know I’m boring, and so if I pick the activity I’m going to spend the entire time wondering if you’re bored or miserable or whatever. And as much as I’d love to make you miserable, I don’t want it to be at the expense of me choosing to do something I’d enjoy. So…please, for the love of god, you pick what we do or what we talk about.”
Naruto actually hated that there was something the two of them had in common. He frowned a little and glanced away, rubbing his palms on his own sweatpants for a moment. He couldn’t be angry because Gaara was being honest. He was more…surprised, if anything, because he didn’t expect straight up honesty from the other. At least not now, so early into their “relationship”. But he could sympathize with what Gaara said and he hated it because he did not start this whole fake dating thing so that they could bond and find things in common.
“I get it.” Naruto admitted, despite his better judgment. He glanced back at Gaara, watching as the redhead glared down at his own lap. Was he angry that he had been honest? Was he embarrassed? “I’m the same way sometimes. No one usually likes what I suggest so I usually go with the flow of everyone else.”
Gaara glanced at him from the corner of his eye. He looked calculating, like he was trying to decide if Naruto was fucking with him or not. He glanced back at his lap and nodded a little. “Then we’re on the same page.”
He hated it. He really did.
“How about I restart this movie and we watch it?” Naruto suggested, reaching for his remote. “And I can take a few pictures for social media again while we’re at it. You know, show them that we like to “Netflix and Chill”, as the kids call it.”
Gaara rolled his eyes so hard, Naruto feared they’d roll right out of his skull. “That’s the most insufferable phrase in the world.”
“Nah, I think it’s pretty straight forward.” Naruto offered as he restarted the movie. He tossed the remote aside and stared at Gaara, still perched precariously close to the edge of the bed. “Come up here, dude. Sit next to me.”
Gaara looked like he was weighing the options. Naruto made a show of fluffing up some of the pillows, patting them enticingly. “Come on, Gaara. You know you want to melt into my pillow mountain over here.”
“That…don’t ever say that to me again.” Gaara relented, though, and shifted his way up the bed. He leaned back into the pillows and actually seemed to relax again, letting out a soft sigh that Naruto wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear. Now that he was closer, the guy looked pretty tired.
“Were you up early today?” Naruto found himself asking. He couldn’t watch something in silence, after all. If there wasn’t a little bit of talking then he’d lose his mind.
“Yes.” Gaara answered back, eyes glued to the tv.
Naruto eyed him, raising an eyebrow. “For…? An appointment?”
“Yes.” Gaara answered again. “A rather big piece for a client's back. We were at it for about four and a half hours.”
Four hours with a tattoo needle barreling into their skin? The idea made Naruto want to vomit. He shuddered a little. “Yikes. People really sit that long for tattoos?”
“Well yeah.” Gaara looked at him, head cocked to the side a little bit. “I’ve had clients sit even longer if I allow it but I try to make sure we don’t take too long. Both for my own sake and the client’s as well. But yeah, people sit that long and longer for tattoos. It’s fairly common. I mean even the one you saw on my arm, the sphinx cat? That was almost three hours and I did it all in one go.”
“No offense but that sounds miserable.” Naruto breathed with a small, uncomfortable frown. He couldn’t imagine sitting through that for such a long time. Hell, he had a hard enough time sitting still for more than a few minutes most days. “I mean, you guys who can do that are definitely built differently but man. And you artists can just…work like that? For long periods of time?”
“It definitely depends on the artist.” Gaara admitted. He shifted a little. It wasn’t that noticeable but he had turned his body maybe an inch or two to face Naruto more as he continued. “I don’t particularly like to work that long but I do it for the clients that want to. Itachi has pain in his hands and his eyes after doing it for more than two hours at a time so he takes his bigger pieces much slower. Sasuke, because of his chronic migraines, tries to also do smaller chunks at a time so he isn’t doing super long sessions. Hinata, on the other hand, can go on forever but makes her clients tap out after about four hours or so. It’s mostly because your body needs time to heal so you don’t go into shock. That’s also why we tell people to make sure they eat before they get a tattoo.”
“I didn’t realize how much goes into all of it.” Naruto admitted with a small chuckle. It was sort of…endearing how Gaara had started explaining everything so readily. Endearing was a weird word for Naruto to use but he wasn’t really sure how else to explain it. He hated the dude, sure, but he always had a soft spot for people info dumping about things they cared about. Even if it was Gaara and the thing he was passionate about was piercing people with needles for hours on end. “I guess that’s kinda cool, if a little jarring to think about.”
Gaara chuckled, a sound that was more of an amused exhale than anything else, but Naruto would take any win he could get. If Gaara was chuckling then that meant their day was, so far, going well. “It’s pretty cool if it’s what you’re into.”
“Do you plan on getting more tattoos?” Naruto asked and gestured to the little ladybug on the inside of Gaara’s wrist that was peeking out from the sleeve of his sweater. “You don’t have nearly as many as most would expect.”
“I don’t know. I probably will eventually.” Gaara glanced down at his wrist and tugged the sleeve over the ladybug, looking back at the Tv. “There’s a lot of designs I’ve considered but nothing has really stood out to me. I get tattoos whenever a design jumps out at me.”
“And the lady bug jumped out at you?” Naruto smirked a bit, amused.
Gaara blinked and then frowned over at him. “Hinata did it for me so yes, it did.”
“And that ghost with the headphones?” Naruto hummed, smirking wider as Gaara rolled his eyes. “I saw that one that morning after the party.”
“That was also Hinata.” Gaara muttered. “She did that one in exchange for me doing the spider lilies on her calf.”
“Wait, you did her spider lilies?” Naruto sat up a bit in surprise. That had to have been one of Naruto’s favorite tattoos to look at ever. On anyone, actually. The flowers had been absolutely stunning and the shading? Gorgeous. Perfect. Hinata had shown it off the summer she got it but Naruto had figured Sasuke had done them. Sasuke was pretty good at flower designs, after all.
Gaara scoffed a bit. “Yeah, I did that.” He nodded slowly, glancing back at the Tv at a sudden loud scene of dialogue. “I wanted to experiment with flower designs and she suggested spider lilies.”
It seemed like a weird exchange, such a gorgeous flower piece for a small, cute ghost. Then again, Naruto had no room to judge what two artists did together.
The two of them fell into a slightly more comfortable silence. Gaara seemed mildly intrigued by the movie and Naruto was content to act like he was paying attention, tapping his fingers on his thigh. This little visit was already going way better than he had anticipated; no fighting and very minimal animosity. Hopefully the rest of their little plan would go the same way.
He did, of course, remember to whip out his phone after a few minutes. He steeled himself for the worst and scooted closer to Gaara, much to the redheads obvious disapproval. “Calm down, I’m taking a picture of us.”
“God, I am so sick of pictures already.” Gaara grunted but he didn’t move away. He looked at the camera, his face blank instead of showing the annoyance he felt.
Naruto scoffed loudly. “If you weren’t you, that expression would be severely concerning.”
“Just take the damn picture, Uzumaki.”
Naruto took the picture alright and, just to be petty, he made sure there was a filter in it that added little sketched on cat ears and a nose to Gaara in it. Gaara shot him a glare that actually made Naruto’s fight response almost kick in on reflex but he didn’t say anything to stop him. Naruto set to work posting it, adding a few heart eye emojis to try and really sell the whole thing, and then set his phone aside.
He wasn’t sure how long the two of them sat in a mostly tolerable silence after that. It must have been about an hour or so and, really, Naruto had started to lose track of time until he heard a knock on his bedroom door.
“Naruto, honey are you in there?”
Shit. His mom was awake.
Naruto sat up in a hurry, shoving Gaara’s legs out of the way roughly as he rushed to get off of his bed. “Yeah, Mom!” He was planning on getting to the door before his mom opened it herself.
His mother, however, was always exceptionally great at beating him to it. Kushina swung open the bedroom door with a wide grin, though the moment she caught sight of Gaara reclined back on Naruto’s bed, and Naruto himself struggling to rush off the bed before she made it inside, her smile faltered in surprise. She blinked at them slowly, her eyes slowly drifting away from Gaara and back to Naruto. “I didn’t know you had…” Her eyes drifted to Gaara once again, her frown deepening just for a split second. “Company.”
Naruto slid off the bed and smiled a bit, forcing himself to nod. “Yeah. We’re just watching a movie.”
“I see.” She looked back at Gaara, looking like she was considering saying anything. “Gaara, it’s…surprising to see you.”
Gaara, when Naruto glanced back at him, gave the woman a small nod. “Naruto invited me.”
“Ah, how sweet of him.” She looked back at Naruto with a forced up smile. Naruto knew that expression well. His mom was fighting every urge she had to start asking questions there and then.
Naruto laughed, a little sheepish now that he was under his mother’s perceptive gaze. “Yeah, uh…Gaara might be around a lot more for a while.”
Naruto wasn’t sure how to explain all of this. His mom was so protective of him and had never been fond of Gaara in the past. He’d been brainstorming a way to gently explain it in a way that wouldn’t result in his mom getting all worked up but he had yet to figure that out. He probably should have spent a little more time thinking it over.
“We’re dating.”
Gaara’s voice shattered the momentary silence and Naruto whirled around, face growing hot as he shot Gaara a glare. Gaara stared right back at him calmly, a very small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. The damn bastard was putting him in an incredibly awkward situation and enjoying it!
“Dating?” Naruto spun back around at his mom’s surprised echo. She looked back at him in pure confusion, scoffing softly. “You two are dating?”
“Yeah.” Naruto exhaled slowly, forcing up a smile as he hurried to the door and, gently, tried to push his mom out of the room. “Can we talk about this later mom? Please?”
Her gaze narrowed as she frowned at him, crossing her arms. “Young man-”
“ Mom! You’re embarrassing me in front of someone I like!” Naruto whispered to her, hating the way his face burned hot. “Seriously, we’ll talk about it later.”
Kushina seemed to take pity on him, her gaze softening before she sighed. She gave him a small nod and patted his shoulder. “Alright, I’ll stop embarrassing you. For now. But your father and I are going to be talking to you about this later.”
Ugh. He knew she was going to bring his dad into it, too, but he still hated it. Still, he nodded quickly. “Yes, yes. Later.”
She rolled her eyes a little bit and Naruto shut the door the moment she started to walk away. He grit his teeth and marched over to his bed, hands on his hips as he glared down at the red head staring calmly up at him. “You are such a dick, you know that?”
“I know. It keeps me up at night.” Gaara retorted in a tone that told Naruto that he definitely wasn’t sorry and that if given the chance he definitely would have done it again. “It had to be said at some point, right? Now it's done.”
“You’re the worst.” Naruto scoffed, shaking his head. “I was working on telling them! I could literally kill you. I should kill you. I swear, one day I’m going to murder you.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Uzumaki.” Gaara chuckled, looking back at the Tv.
The urge to punch Gaara had never been so strong. Well, not since they were eighteen or nineteen at least.
The buzzing of his phone on his bed drew his attention away. He scooped it up and saw that there were already a few responses on Snapchat to his picture of Gaara and himself.
Sakura: Cute!
Neji: I’m still in shock
Kiba: Lol, he’s gonna murder you for the cat filter
Naruto cracked a small smile and shoved his phone into his pocket. He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and looked at Gaara, expecting the other to still be watching the Tv, but he was actually looking around the room. He seemed curious, eyes darting back and forth. It was a little unsettling. Was there something wrong with his room after all? Something weird? “Dude, what are you looking at?”
“You have a lot of pictures of our friends.”
That surprised him a bit. He glanced around the room and nodded a little. “Huh, guess I do, yeah. I’ve been collecting them since middle school, I think.” He hesitated and glanced at Gaara again, frowning a little. “You’re in one of them, you know.”
Gaara's head snapped in his direction, a look of what Naruto assumed was disbelief written all over his face. Naruto stood back up and went across the room, plucking an older picture from the wall near the closet that was taped there. He brought it back over and held it out to Gaara. "Here."
The picture in question was from the first summer after they all had graduated highschool. Neji and Hinata had thrown a party to celebrate. The picture showed Neji on the couch with Shikamaru, the both of them caught in a moment of laughter. Gaara was seated between the two of them, looking towards Shikamaru with a small smile on his face. (Neji had told Naruto later that they had been laughing at a joke Gaara told, something Naruto had scoffed at). Naruto himself hadn't taken the picture. Hinata and a bunch of the girls had been snapping pictures like crazy and one of them had captured that moment. Naruto had jumped at the chance to have a copy of it mostly because Neji was notoriously hard to make smile that wide and he wanted that reminder. He had honestly forgotten Gaara was even there.
Gaara stared down at the picture and scoffed softly. "That's the graduation party, right? That's Hinata's dad's couch."
"Yeah." Naruto sat back down on the bed, leaning over a bit to peer at the picture. "I had never seen Neji laugh so hard. Whatever joke you said to Shikamaru and him must have been a riot which is hilarious because I don't picture you as a funny person to begin with."
"I don't even remember what I said to them." Gaara admitted with a small scoff. He passed the picture back to Naruto. "It's a good picture of them."
Naruto took the picture back and leaned over to set it by his tv, nodding lightly. "It is." He agreed. "It's one of my favorites. Even if you're in it."
Gaara snorted softly. "You should consider yourself lucky; very few people in our friend group have pictures with me in them."
"Dude, that's not hard to believe." Naruto cackled a little. "You're allergic to human contact and you don't smile. Definitely not the most picture worthy subject."
Gaara hummed in acknowledgement but didn't seem to have a reply to that which felt…a little weird, to say the least. He always had some sort of comeback.
"I'm not apologizing for outing us to your mom." Gaara said after a moment, looking back towards the movie on the Tv. "Your face-and hers too, honestly-were really funny."
Naruto had to fight the urge to sigh. Every time they had a civil moment Gaara had to go and fucking talk. "I genuinely hope your brother and sister never give you peace when they find out. I'm actually so mad that neither Kiba or Shikamaru have let it slip yet."
"Oh, believe me. I'm sure it'll reach them any day now." Gaara mumbled. "And rest assured, I'm dreading it."
Naruto sort of wanted to message Kankuro himself, maybe send a selfie of Gaara and himself. Or better yet, just snap a picture of Gaara looking mostly relaxed in Naruto's bed and send it to Kankuro and let Gaara deal with the fallout.
But, unlike Gaara, Naruto was a nice guy. "Next hang out is at your place ."
Gaara groaned but didn't argue. Naruto smirked, victorious, and crawled back to his earlier spot beside Gaara, leaning back against the pillows. Gaara made an annoyed little grunting sound as Naruto practically climbed all over him, making sure to jab a knee into Gaara's thigh in the process.
"Are you incapable of doing anything like a normal person?" Gaara hissed, scooting an inch or two away to put some more space between the both of them. “Christ, you’re going to bruise me if you keep doing that shit.”
“Not my fault your pale ass bruises like a fucking fruit.” Naruto scoffed, stretching out his legs with a satisfied sigh. “Now shut up and watch the movie. I thought you didn’t talk much.”
Seriously, for a guy that pretty much made being silent and scary his entire personality he sure was talkative when he got going. That was a bit surprising, though, and he’d admit that it was kind of alarming. It was alarming because this information contradicted most of what he knew about Gaara so far and Naruto wasn’t in this situation so that he could learn more about the other. He was in this to shove his correct opinion in his friends’ faces. But…then again, he supposed that there wouldn’t be much harm in them getting along more over time. It would definitely make pretending to be totally into each other easier if he wasn’t constantly being tempted to shove Gaara to the ground.
Naruto sort of lost himself in the rest of the movie. He didn’t even realize it until the credits started to roll and he sat up a little, reaching for the remote. “That was actually a pretty good one, yeah? Gaara?” When he received no reply he turned towards Gaara, ready to be annoyed all over again, but his voice died in his throat.
Gaara had fallen asleep at some point in the movie, head lolled to the side in Naruto’s direction and hands resting calmly in his lap. Naruto blinked, feeling mighty awkward all of a sudden, but Gaara looked so comfortable and…peaceful. He sort of didn’t want to wake him up in fear of feeling like a total dick about it. Gaara had looked pretty tired when he came over, he remembered, but Naruto had dismissed it after his initial examination of it. It wasn't his business, after all, and in this day and age everyone was always tired.
A part of him found it kind of nice that Gaara had, on some unconscious level, felt comfortable enough to fall asleep around him. He struck Naruto as the kind of person to struggle sleeping in unfamiliar places, mostly due to how uncomfortable he was in…well, any sort of place. He took it as a compliment, at the very least. Hell, if the guy needed to catch some sleep then Naruto wasn't going to be upset about it.
He ended up turning on a different movie and settled back in with his phone, scrolling through social media. He wondered if Gaara had social media. Gaara hadn’t said anything about it when Naruto had mentioned Snapchat or anything else so he hadn’t thought much of it. Lots of people liked to keep their social media to themselves and that wasn’t a crime. It was just kind of funny to think about Gaara with an Instagram account, liking photos and posting selfies.
As it turns out, after several minutes of sifting through several of their friends' accounts, he found that Gaara did indeed have an Instagram account. Two, actually. A private one that Naruto couldn’t see because they didn’t follow each other and a second one for his tattoo work. That one was actually really nice to look at, filled with picture after picture of all the different tattoos he had done for people. Naruto recognized the koi fish he had seen on the lady from the shop the other day which was just as pretty in the picture as it had been in person. There were dozens of other pictures and Naruto sort of lost himself in them, blown away by the sheer talent. Not that he would ever say that to Gaara’s face, of course, but Gaara was way better at this tattoo stuff than Naruto had previously thought. The only tattoo work he usually saw were Sasuke or Hinata’s work in passing and he already knew that both of them were extraordinary. He had known Gaara was pretty good when it came to art but this was kind of an entirely different level than what he had been expecting. If he were into tattoos, he would probably consider letting Gaara do one for him even if he didn’t trust the guy.
Not that he’d ever get a tattoo. The sheer embarrassment that would consume him if he passed out from the needle? He didn’t even want to imagine it.
He followed Gaara’s art account before he could think too hard on it and went about his social media scrolling, content for now.
Another hour must have passed before Gaara shifted at his side, sighing quietly as he started to wake up. Naruto set his phone down and looked over, watching Gaara rub at his eyes sleepily for a second. “You passed out hard, dude. I thought I was gonna have to shove you off the bed to wake you.”
Gaara shot him a narrow eyed glare. “Do that and you would have had a broken arm after.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Naruto waved him off, sitting up and stretching a little bit. “What do you think we should do now?”
Gaara pulled his phone from his sweater pocket, presumably to glance at the time. He made a face, a small frown. “I think I’ll go home, actually. Lee’s coming by for dinner later.”
“Fine with me.” Naruto shrugged as they both got off the bed. He led Gaara to the door and then out of the room, heading for the stairs. “Guess I’ll text you later or whatever. I have work this week so we’ll find time to do…whatever.”
“Work,” Gaara mused quietly as they made their way down the stairs. “With the lice infested children.”
“The lice should be gone by now.” Naruto rolled his eyes a bit. “What, are you allergic to children? Wouldn’t surprise me, actually, now that I think about it considering you hate humans in general. Hating kids is not a good look, Gaara, I hate to be the one to tell you.” He reached the front door and turned to Gaara, an eyebrow raised.
Gaara stared back at him, unimpressed. “I never said that.” He replied before he bent down to pull his shoes on. “Children are tiring, that’s all. But you have both the energy level and the attention span of a small child so I shouldn’t be surprised that you enjoy their presence. Like minds flock together or whatever.”
Naruto groaned, tilting his head back so he could glare up at his ceiling. “And here I thought we were starting to get along…”
“We’ve had worse interactions.” Gaara offered and, when Naruto looked back at him, the redhead had the smallest of smiles tugging at the corner of his lips.
Was…was he trying to be pleasant? Making jokes and trying to get along? Hell, maybe being unpleasant but non violent was Gaara’s actual, genuine way of being nice?
Naruto would have to ask Sasuke later, he decided. So, instead of being as annoyed as he wanted to be, he pushed the annoyance aside and opened up the front door for Gaara. “Drive home safe or whatever.”
He didn't wait for a response and, the moment Gaara stepped out, Naruto closed it and finally let out a deep breath and felt himself relax. Mentally, the entire afternoon had been exhausting. Better than it could have gone, sure, but still exhausting. At least they hadn't killed one another.
He shuffled away from the door and headed for the kitchen, coming to a halt in the kitchen doorway. His mother stood leaning against one of the counters, her arms crossed, and his dad was washing the dishes, humming to himself. When Kushina's eyes landed on him Naruto winced, having nearly forgotten about earlier. Gods, he was really hoping to avoid talking to them about this.
"Did Gaara leave?" His mom asked curiously, watching him.
"Gaara?" His dad shut off the kitchen sink and turned to face Naruto, drying his hands on his t-shirt. "The Gaara we know? The Sabaku boy?" He probed with a look of bewilderment. "He was here?"
"Yeah, he was upstairs with me in my room." Naruto replied casually, veering towards the fridge. He pulled it open and took a quick peek inside before snagging a bottle of water and bumping the fridge closed again with his hip. "We were hanging out."
"Since when do the two of you hang out?" Minato laughed a little bit, shaking his head.
"Since they started dating, apparently." Kushina chimed in, making Naruto choke a little bit on his mouthful of water.
“ Dating? ” Minato echoed, a little wide eyed in surprise. He frowned slowly and crossed his arms, fixing Naruto with a disbelieving look. “You and Gaara are dating? How did that even happen?” He looked towards Kushina for help.
Kushina shook her head quickly, holding both hands up in dismissal. “Don’t look at me; I just found out about this, too.”
Naruto sighed and leaned back against the fridge. “We kind of…you know. Hooked up at Lee and Sakura’s Halloween party.”
“That's…” His dad paused, thinking it over, then he shrugged and offered a sideways smile. “Alright, well, that sort of thing tends to happen from time to time. But now you two are dating?”
“We’re trying to, yes.” Naruto nodded and shrugged his shoulders in response. “It isn’t that big of a deal, really.”
“Naruto, this is the same kid that gave you stitches once!” Kushina stressed, stepping closer so that she could brush her fingers against the old, faded scar along his hairline above his forehead. It was an old scar and, really, Naruto had only needed four or five stitches in total, but it had been surprising that the scar stayed. It had been caused by Gaara’s fist during the first month of their third year of high school. It was such a long time ago.
Naruto gently pushed his mom’s hand away from his face, giving it a squeeze with his own for a moment. “Mom, I gave him stitches like, a year before that. He made us even, if anything. But that was such a long time ago! We were kids. We’re not stupid, angry kids anymore. We’re adults and I can decide who I want to date.”
“But you hated him.” She insisted, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
Naruto fixed her with a small frown of his own, slowly raising an eyebrow. “Well, you said you used to hate Dad before the two of you got to know each other.”
His mom paused and then scoffed, glancing away as her cheeks took on a red hue. “That’s so different. Entirely different!”
“I don’t know, sweetheart.” Minato hummed softly, a small smile on his lips as he glanced at Naruto and shot him a sly wink before looking back towards Kushina. “Is it really that different?”
Kushina whirled around and Naruto just knew she was glaring at Minato. He saw his dad snicker a little bit, glancing aside. “Sorry! I just thought that he made a good point!”
“I did make a good point.” Naruto pointed out. “And you know I’m right, Mom.”
Kushina sighed softly as she turned back around, a sign that her anger was starting to fade. She could never stay too heated with Naruto, thankfully. She took another step closer and cupped Naruto’s face in both of her hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I just worry about you, honey, that’s all. I just…I saw him there in your room and all I could think about were all the times your dad and I had to come down to your school because you were all beat up or upset and it just…makes me nervous. He wasn’t the nicest kid around back then, you know?”
“Yeah, well, most of my friends wouldn’t still be friends with him if he was still that terrible.” Naruto hated how much sense it made. It was the exact argument all of his friends tried to give him whenever they wanted to convince Naruto that he and Gaara should have been friends. “I mean, he’s close with Hinata . She wouldn’t be friends with him if he was a bad guy, you know.”
“That’s a pretty good argument.” Minato murmured. He was smiling a little when Naruto glanced towards him, that soft, prideful smile that Naruto adored being on the receiving end of. “If you’re sure you want to do this then…well, your mom and I will support it. Just remember that we’re here if you need anything. Alright, kiddo?”
“I know, I know.” Naruto had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. His parents meant well and he actually was starting to feel really bad for lying to them. Maybe this feeling was why Gaara hadn’t yet told his brother and sister. “Thanks guys. It means a lot to me.”
His mom sighed and stepped back, leaning back into Minato who wrapped his arms around her in response. It was a sweet gesture. They were always so sappy and in love that it made Naruto cringe, though he would never openly admit that it made his heart soar to see his parents so in love. It was cute, okay? Love was real and it existed between his parents without a doubt.
“So,” Kushina said after a moment, a small smile on her lips. “What’s he like? Now that you’re both older and all that, I mean. We don’t know much about him, you know.”
Naruto suddenly felt like he’d been put on the spot. Shit, he wasn’t sure how to answer that. “He’s…pretty alright, actually. We’re still in the getting to know each other phase.” He offered lightly. “He’s kinda quiet, I guess, and pretty snarky when he gets a little more used to you. He’s not that bad, though. He’s…cool. He works with Sasuke and Hinata, you know; he’s a tattoo artist.”
“Really?” His dad’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Didn’t take him for an artist. That’s pretty neat. Maybe next time he swings by he can show us some of his work.”
Naruto wasn’t sure how comfortable Gaara was going to be doing that but he didn’t voice it outloud. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll bring it up to him." He could already picture it, Gaara looking extremely awkward and out of place while meekly showing Minato his tattoo work. It would be absolutely uncomfortable for Gaara, probably.
Naruto would kill to see it. It would serve Gaara right for outing them to his mother before Naruto was properly prepared.
“I guess that’s pretty cool.” His mom relented with a small, mirthful smile. “Next time he comes by you’ll have to introduce us all properly, Naruto. I’d hate to be rude.”
That painted such a weird mental image in Naruto’s head. Hell, the first time his parents had ever met Gaara it had been in their high school principal’s office their freshman year and the both of them had split lips and bruised cheeks. Imagining Gaara politely shaking hands with his dad and making small talk with his mom was almost insane. Did Gaara even know how to handle small talk? He didn’t even like to talk to begin with. He wasn’t exactly someone Gaara could see chatting it up with someone’s parents that easily.
Luckily, his parents didn’t have any other questions for him at the moment so he escaped back to his room. He collapsed onto his bed with a groan, face buried into his pillows. He hadn’t really planned on this whole dating thing to be so exhausting but he should have seen it coming. Really, he had expected a lot more fighting and maybe even a punch or two being thrown (not that he was hoping for that, of course. He didn’t want any sort of physical altercation). But instead he had gotten…whatever weird dynamic the two of them had now. Maybe they were just both too old and tired to be so prone to violence like they used to. Hell, Gaara had a whole career and tons of friends which was way different than in highschool. Naruto, too, had gone through what he considered to be a tremendous amount of personal growth over the years, too. But the weird tension was tiring. Trying to play nice when Gaara seemed intent to do the bare minimum while they tried to fool their nosey and observant friends? That was somehow more exhausting than an actual physical fight.
Naruto rolled over onto his back and grabbed his phone. He found his chat with Gaara and clicked onto it, typing a quick message.
Did you make it home in one piece?
Naruto didn’t remember seeing Gaara’s car when he let him in. Had he walked? Gaara…definitely seemed like the kind of guy to dig a nice walk.
A few minutes went by before his phone vibrated with a response.
Yes.
A man of little words, even through text. Definitely not a surprise. Naruto rolled his eyes before typing another message.
My parents want me to introduce you the next time you come over.
The mental image was still so strange, Gaara and his parents chatting it up like there hadn’t been several years of conflict between them.
Gaara’s response came a moment later.
Sounds dreadful. Can’t wait.
Naruto couldn’t help it; he laughed a little bit. He could actually picture the scowl that would have been on Gaara’s face in person, those bright eyes narrowed in annoyance. Naruto didn’t have much of a response to that, though, so he tossed his phone aside with a sigh.
He’d worry about it some other time.
Notes:
As always, thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy future chapters! You can follow me on Tumblr .
Chapter 3
Notes:
Happy New year, thank you for returning to my fic.
Alrighty, here's a new chapter! I hope you all enjoy. Gaara's going to be getting into some feelings so buckle up!
Chapter Text
Monday, November 6th, 10:05 am
It was rare for Gaara to have a Monday off. Mondays tended to be slower, sure, but he used most of that down time to work on sketches and whatever else for clients. Having one off…well, it was nice but left him feeling a bit lost at how to spend his day. As it was, he was still in bed, scrolling aimlessly through his phone as his Tv played from its spot mounted on the wall by the foot of his bed. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before which wasn’t a new thing for him (he and sleep never got along anyways) and he was considering maybe trying to close his eyes for half an hour before forcing himself to start his day. The sound of his name from the hallway, however, told him that his plan would be a waste of time.
“Gaara!” Temari was approaching his room rather quickly. It made Gaara frown a little as he set his phone on his nightstand and sat up in his bed. The door flew open a moment later (without a knock which wasn’t usual for either of his siblings) and both Temari and Kankuro were standing in his doorway. Temari had her hands on her hips, a small frown on her lips. “Oh good, you’re awake.” She drawled, clearly not thrilled about whatever had her so worked up.
“You look mad.” Gaara muttered slowly, watching his sister closely. Temari very rarely ever got angry with him. “What’s the matter?”
“When were you going to tell us that you’re dating Naruto?” Temari asked him without a moment of hesitation.
Gaara immediately scowled and brought a hand up to rub at his face, cursing whatever god existed for making this be the first conversation of his day. He dropped his hand back down to his lap and shrugged his shoulders. “Eventually.”
“Are you sure?” Temari scoffed, hands still on her hips. “Because we had to find out over the phone from Shikamaru who, by the way, was under the impression you had already told us.”
Well, Gaara couldn’t be very mad about that assumption on Shikamaru’s end. Gaara told his siblings almost everything about his life and didn’t like to keep secrets from them. It was a fair assumption for both Kiba and Shikamaru to think Gaara would have disclosed such information to his siblings. Still, it was pretty annoying.
“Is it true?” Kankuro asked and Gaara finally noticed that his brother was casually eating a granola bar. He looked far less alarmed than their sister did but that was sort of Kankuro’s whole thing. Where their sister was quick to bare her teeth when a problem arose, Kankuro tended to be a bit more level headed. He was impulsive like Gaara and Temari were, sure, but he usually let things simmer in the back of his mind until he finally either snapped or felt the need to say something. While he looked pretty calm now, he was watching Gaara pretty closely, a sign that he was trying to read Gaara’s body language before getting more concerned than he already was.
Kankuro was a good middle man in most situations. Unless their actual physical safety or health was at risk, Kankuro tended to stay pretty calm. He’d been less so when they were younger and living with their dad but…well, that was in the past.
Gaara kicked his comforter off of his legs and nodded. “Yeah.”
“It’s true?” Temari echoed in disbelief, her eyes widening. She looked towards Kankuro for a split second before looking back at Gaara. “Really?”
“ Yeah .” Gaara repeated, looking back at them.
"You can't be serious." Temari finally entered the room and sat down on the edge of Gaara's bed, Kankuro not too far behind. " Naruto of all people?"
"I know; I was surprised as well." Gaara replied gravely, even placing a hand over his heart. "Alas, it seems like that is where my affections lie." It was a playful way to avoid the conversation getting serious, or at least he hoped it would be.
"Oh, you two totally had sex at that party." Kankuro cackled loudly, nearly choking on a mouthful of his granola bar. "I mean, Shikamaru and Kiba said you did but I was doubting it a lot but now you're saying things like 'alas, it seems like that is where my affections lie'? You totally got railed good."
Sometimes Gaara was overwhelmed with the desire to suffocate his brother with a pillow. This was certainly one of those times.
"Ew, don't talk about that!" Temari shoved Kankuro a little, a small frown on her lips. "I so don't want to hear about either of your sex lives!" She groaned.
Gaara's playful way of avoiding too much conflict seemed to have eased the tension a ton. Not that either of his siblings were actually mad at him, of course, but he still wasn't exactly fond of any sort of tension between them either way. Breaking the tension with a joke helped and it sort of eased the guilt that was gnawing at him for lying to them in the first place.
He looked over at Temari. “This isn’t going to be a big deal, is it?”
She looked back at him, in thought, and Gaara just knew that she was battling with her initial protective habits. She glanced away and sighed loudly, shaking her head. “I mean, I want to make it a big deal but you’re an adult so…no, it isn’t going to be a big deal. But I think you’re a little out of your mind; you hate him, Gaara.”
“You used to hate Shikamaru.” Gaara pointed out with a scoff. “Now you can’t go an entire day without talking to him.”
“Okay, point taken.” Temari huffed, rolling her eyes a little bit. “But still…”
“I mean, if you know what you’re doing Gaara then we’re down for it.” Kankuro offered. “But it is a little weird, you gotta admit.”
“Super weird.” Temari agreed with a small nod of her head. She shot Gaara a small smile. “I never considered you two getting along, let alone dating. You always said he was such an annoyance to you.”
“He is an annoyance.” Gaara replied before he could really stop himself. It was still hard to say positive things about Naruto. “But…I think I like it. Or I'm starting to? I don't know but we're…trying.”
It was another lie but it sounded like something he should, or would, say if he and Naruto were dating for real. It sounded believable to him and it seemed to do the trick. Whatever tension had gathered inside of Temari seemed to fade away, her shoulders relaxing just a little.
“Well, your love life is your own business.” She relented with a small nod. “But if he hurts you at all, I'll kill him. I don't care how chill he's been with me the last few years, I will actually kill him.”
Gaara didn't doubt that one bit. “I know, Tema.” He assured her, fighting back a yawn. “Why aren't you at work, by the way? It's Monday.”
“Getting a late start.” She stood up and sighed. “I'm gonna be working a longer shift than usual so I was able to talk them into letting me start later. I go in at noon and probably won't be home until close to midnight.”
Gaara winced at the thought. “That’s such a long shift.”
“I know but a bunch of the others are sick and it's just a whole disaster. I only had two clients scheduled today anyways so once those are done I'll be mostly handling the front desk at the gym all day. I'll have two other people with me scattered through the day but it'll be rough. Luckily, most people using our gym keep to themselves.” She looked less than thrilled. While her main job was a personal trainer that didn’t mean the gym didn’t constantly take advantage of her. With the amount of work she did, Gaara was surprised she wasn’t in charge of the whole place by now.
“I wish you luck.” Gaara peered around Temari to look at their brother. “And you?”
“Got a stupid video conference in like thirty minutes.” Kankuro sighed loudly, frowning to himself as he finished off the rest of his granola bar. “I’m so bummed about it. I have to get dressed and everything. Working from home was supposed to keep me from having to dress nice every single day.”
“My condolences.” Gaara snorted softly.
Kankuro scoffed in reply as he stood up. “I should go get ready.”
“Me, too.” Temari sighed, looking at Gaara. “Sorry for coming at you like that earlier, Gaara. I just…worry. You know me.”
Temari worried far too much, though Gaara knew that he had given her plenty of reasons to stress out about him in the past. It sent a sharp jab of guilt through his heart at the thought, at remembering how he had been when he was young and how his siblings had dealt with him all these years. He owed them everything, especially Temari who had worked away her teen years just to be able to rip Kankuro and Gaara away from their monster of a father. Then there was Kankuro who had always defended him and had even hit their dad with his own fists from time to time to defend Gaara, had taken punishments meant for Gaara if only to save him the suffering.
Gaara fought down the wave of guilt, again, and offered his sister a tired smile. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“Don’t be.” She assured him and ruffled his hair, something only she and Kankuro were allowed to do, before she left the bedroom to get ready.
Kankuro watched her go before he looked back at Gaara, his own gaze softening a bit. “Look at you with a whole boyfriend, huh? That’s exciting.”
Gaara eyed him, pushing his blankets off of himself and standing up from the bed. “It…sure is something, I’ll say that.”
Kankuro laughed a little bit. “It’s new; you’ll get used to how strange it feels eventually.”
Oh, Gaara doubted that. “I hope so.” He murmured, frowning to himself. “New experiences don’t usually mix well with me.”
“That’s just because you over think it too much.” Kankuro laughed again and glanced at the watch on his wrist. “Shit, okay, yeah I need to go get ready for the video meeting. Don’t sit in bed all day and rot, yeah?”
Gaara would have taken offense to the comment if it was anyone but his siblings saying it. But Kankuro was looking out for him and knew that Gaara would sit in his bed all day and rot away, lost in his thoughts or anxieties all day long if he wasn’t careful. He was a bit better at it now that he was older, yes, but that didn’t mean the depression didn’t absolutely knock him on his ass some times. His siblings were understanding when the days got hard like that, of course, and they had their own really bad days as well. Gaara did his best to be there for them during their bad days as much as he could.
“I won’t.” Gaara assured, trudging past his brother and out into the hall, hearing Kankuro follow after him. “I’ll work on some client sketches, I think. I’m not sure what else I’ll do.”
“Not gonna see Naruto~?”
Gaara was thankful that his back was to his brother so he didn’t see his massive eye roll. “It’s his first day back at work at the preschool in about a week. They were closed because of a lice outbreak. I’m sure he’ll be busy and tired today.”
“Lice? Ew.” Kankuro gagged as he stopped at his bedroom door. Gaara watched him over his shoulder and Kankuro shuddered. “Children are so gross. I can’t believe Temari wants to have them in the future.”
Gaara couldn't stop the chuckle that spilled from his lips. “I can't either. Definitely…not ready to deal with all that.”
They shared a look of amusement before Kankuro sighed, shoving open his bedroom door. “I’ll see you later when I'm done with work, little bro.”
Gaara nodded and continued down the hall once he saw Kankuro's door close. He shuffled his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge, on the hunt for food. There was still left over pasta from when Lee had dinner with them the night before and that would be easy to reheat.
A creaky and rough sounding meow made him look over at the counter next to the fridge where their cat, Shukaku, sat watching him with bored amber eyes. Gaara smiled a little. “Hey, Shu.”
The cat meowed at him again and Gaara was helpless to refuse the demand for pets. He reached out and gently stroked the top of Shukaku's head, his heart melting a little as the old cat immediately leaned into his touch and began to pur.
Shukaku had been…a well needed surprise. Gaara had moved in with his siblings during his third year of highschool and it had been a rough adjustment. At the time Gaara had still been struggling to leave his constant state of survival and panic that he had grown used to while living with his dad and it hadn't been going well. Despite how hard he had tried, he still argued with his siblings more than he had a right to and he was terrible at taking care of himself. Shukaku had been a stray cat in their neighborhood that Gaara had noticed one evening from across the street. Shukaku had been vicious and untrusting, a trait Gaara guessed he identified with, and Gaara had been curious. Mostly he felt a little bad because the weather had been turning cold at the time and the idea of the cat alone when the rain and chill set in made something in Gaara feel sick.
Gaara had spent weeks trying to earn the cat's trust enough to be able to pet him and then weeks more getting the cat to let him pick him up. A few vet visits later…well, Gaara had a cat. Shukaku had lived with them ever since and, while being fond of all three siblings, had a special attachment to Gaara.
“You look grumpy today.” Gaara told the cat with a small chuckle. “Kankuro must have been five minutes late feeding you.” He stroked down the fluffy cat's back.
Shukaku was part Maine Coon, obvious from his size and long, shaggy hair, but also might have had some Bengal cat in him as well; his sandy brown fur had waves of darker brown fur around it that resembled stripes. They weren't entirely sure what he was, but they were pretty certain about those two at least. He was a big boy and, by now, definitely not a youngster.
“Let me make myself some food and then we'll go watch a movie together.” Gaara talked to the cat like a person. Didn't everyone talk to their pets like that?
With Shukaku's patient eyes watching him Gaara was quick to reheat some leftovers, patting his leg as he left the kitchen. “Come on, Shuu.”
A thud followed by a soft “meow” told him that the cat was following close behind. He got comfortable in bed, making sure he had enough blankets and space before Shukaku inevitably took a long, hard nap while taking up as much space as possible. He started up some cheesy slasher film he'd seen a billion times. As he started eating his food, watching the movie with little interest, his mind wandered back to his earlier interaction with his siblings.
He sort of wondered how it went for Naruto the previous night when he had to explain it to his parents. He didn't know Minato or Kushina very well but he knew they loved their son and they didn't like Gaara. Which he couldn't exactly blame them for.
He reached for his phone and stared at his and Naruto's text history before, after a moment, typing up a message.
My siblings know about us.
Ominous, he'd admit, but Naruto would hopefully know what he meant.
Given the time, Naruto was most likely busy at work. Gaara probably shouldn't have messaged him while he was working but it was too late now, so he set his phone aside and settled back into his pillows as he went back to his food and movie. His mind began to wander quickly, going back to the visit he had taken to Naruto's house the day before. He'd admit that it went far better than he had anticipated, though he had a habit of always expecting the worst in any new situation. He had half expected them to fight more than they did or at least get into a not so civilized shoving match in such a close space. He hadn't expected to just watch movies and he definitely hadn't planned on falling asleep in Naruto's presence.
Gaara and sleep didn't mix well and hadn't in a long time. It was hard enough to sleep in his own bed most nights let alone in someone else's so falling asleep in Naruto's bed had been a surprise. Usually, he could only sleep in Sasuke's bed or Lee's, sometimes Sakura's if the conditions were ideal. It had been a pretty good nap, unfortunately, and he wasn't that mad about it. Just…a little surprised.
What had been a little more surprising than the nap, however, had been the picture Naruto had shown him. The one Gaara was in.
In a detached sort of way Gaara understood the need to take pictures of your friends and keep them forever. It was sentimental and something that brought most people joy. It wasn't exactly an activity Gaara took part in, save for the pictures he had saved on his phone. He could understand it and could definitely see Naruto as the type to save any and all pictures of their friends. It was actually kind of endearing until Gaara found out he, too, was in one of the pictures. He couldn't exactly explain how he felt about that part. He wasn't mad but considering how much the two of them couldn't stand each other, he was surprised Naruto had kept it all this time.
If Gaara had been the one accidentally in possession of a photo of Naruto he never meant to have, he wouldn't have kept it but he just wasn't sentimental in the same way Naruto was.
The visit to Naruto's could have gone worse. He had been worried that he would have had to deal with being confronted by Naruto's mother after telling her they were dating. He had said it to be a jerk but he hadn't exactly considered what Naruto's mother would have done or said in response. He considered himself lucky that he didn't have to deal with the results himself. He remembered Kushina's fury far too well.
It was half way through the movie when Gaara got a response from Naruto.
Damn. Was hoping I could send a surprise picture of you and I to Kankuro and let you deal with it.
A fair response. Gaara stared at the phone for a second before responding back.
They're fine with it.
Fine was…well, it was almost the correct word for it. They wouldn't push Gaara about it but they sure as hell were going to give Naruto hell and Gaara wasn't going to grace him with a warning on that end.
Naruto's reply came back a few minutes later.
We should probably hang out again. Sakura's been bugging about us.
Gaara was dreading it already. Honestly, hanging out with Naruto was way easier than he had expected and that wasn't a bad thing. But seeing Naruto and hearing him talk just brought back a flood of highschool memories that Gaara would have preferred to leave buried in the back of his mind. Gods, Naruto had been one of his worst highschool experiences ever, with his carefree attitude and always having everyone love him so effortlessly.
Alright, so Gaara was still a little bitter. He couldn't exactly be blamed for that; therapy had assured him that it was perfectly normal to be angry over the past. He tried not to dwell on it these days, of course, because he knew better. But there was just something about Naruto that made the past slap him across the face.
He sent a quick reply.
Friday.
He needed a little space. Gaara didn't exactly like being around people for too long, not even Lee or any other close friend. A few days before seeing Naruto would, hopefully, help him recenter himself so he wasn't so high strung because, yes, he knew he was sort of being a dick to Naruto despite having made the conscious choice to go along with this stupid idea. Naruto seemed to be putting a lot of effort in so…Gaara had to do the same.
Has anyone ever told you how boring you are to text?
Gaara frowned at Naruto's next response feeling…well, feeling not so great about that.
Of course he was boring. He had even said so when he was at Naruto’s house. He was…well, he was Gaara. He was, as far as he knew, most likely the most boring one in their friend group. He knew that, yes, but none of his friends had ever actually said it out loud. He knew they thought so but were just too nice to say it but that didn't mean Naruto saying it so bluntly didn't sting a little. It was one thing for him to call himself boring but it stung a little when someone else said it. When Naruto said it? It actually sort of burned.
Naruto saying something that hurt really irritated him. They were way past high school and nothing Naruto did or said had the right to hurt or make him feel bad. And was it stupid to feel so worked up over this? Yes, of course, which just made him even angrier. He couldn’t control the way the rage settled in his gut and before he could even stop himself he was already sending a reply.
Then don't fucking message me back if you think I'm boring.
His reply might have been a tad harsh but he had hit the send button before he let himself think about it. He was insecure and he’d be the first to admit it to…most people. He was usually better at keeping his temper in check, though, even if one of his insecurities was being put in the spotlight. Leave it to Naruto to bring out his worst qualities.
He threw his phone to the side, startling Shukaku who jerked his head up to meow irritably in his direction. Gaara sighed softly, reaching out to gently stroke the cat’s back. “Sorry, Shuu. Go back to sleep.”
He heard his phone vibrate but ignored it, looking back at the movie. It was nearing the end by now and he hadn’t paid much attention but he hardly cared. It was more background noise than anything else. Since it was close to ending, though, he reached for his remote and switched it to a different movie before snatching up his sketchbook he kept on his bedside table. He had a few client sketches he could work on, one in particular that had been giving him trouble. It was supposed to be a snake that wound around his client’s arm, but for some reason snakes had always given him a bit of trouble designing. Sasuke and Itachi were great at them and Gaara was…okay, he supposed, but always felt lacking. He had been pushing this snake design off for the last two weeks, though, and needed to get back to the client soon. So, while his phone buzzed a second time, he got to work.
Art, for Gaara, had always been something he’d done in his free time to escape the world for a bit. Much like reading and listening to music, which were also hobbies of his. He enjoyed that it was something that kept not only his hands busy but also his mind because that was something he needed more of. Distracting himself from his brain, that is. Working as a tattoo artist meant he got a lot of time for art and, despite how much he scoffed at the idea as a teenager, it really did wonders for his mental health. He wasn’t the best at stepping away from a situation when he was overwhelmed; he was terrible at it. His anger, the bane of his existence on even the best of days, was too quick to kick in and his depression and anxiety liked to tag team him at every second. He needed something to divert his energy into whenever he got too in his own head so the art thing really helped a ton. Becoming a tattoo artist was probably one of the best choices he’d ever made in his life.
Nearly an hour later he had a rough sketch done and he set it aside, stretching his hands out a little bit. The movie he had put on was already deep into the plot and Shukaku was still sound asleep, curled into a ball now, closer to Gaara than before.
His phone buzzed again. He’d forgotten all about it while sketching and had nearly forgotten about his previous conversation with Naruto. He reached for his phone, expecting to see one or two snarky messages from the other, but found himself faced with a wall of texts.
Whoa, are you seriously mad? Lol
Come on, it was a joke.
I can feel your rage through the silence. Lighten up
Are you ignoring me now?
Hello?
Hellloooooo?
Gaara?
Ignoring me just makes me worse y’know
Come on man it was a JOKE
Please answer me.
If the sheer amount of texts hadn’t been enough to make Gaara stare, dumbfounded, at his phone then the last text sure was. It was so…simple compared to the rest. Gaara had sent texts like that before, in the same way. Like a desperate plea to be heard. It felt so out of character for Naruto.
Gaara took a deep breath before typing a reply.
I was taking some time to relax. You didn’t have to send an entire wall of text.
He hoped it didn’t sound as condescending as he feared it did. Truthfully, Gaara wasn’t the biggest fan of texting. He was a hard enough person to talk to in person, let alone without being able to hear his tone or see his face. Texting was just…difficult. He wasn’t exactly in tune with whatever trends were going on. He’d be absolutely clueless if he wasn’t friends with Kiba or Hinata or Sasuke.
His phone started ringing. He gawked at it, eyeing Naruto’s name on the screen.
Ugh.
He answered, lifting the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“Are you mad at me?” The question seemed to tumble out of Naruto’s mouth in a rush.
Gaara leaned back against his headboard. “No.” He replied slowly.
“I don’t believe you.” Naruto sounded…off. Anxious? Was anxious even something Naruto knew how to feel? “You were ignoring me.”
“I was working on a client sketch. Didn’t hear my phone.” Gaara replied, frowning to himself. “I don’t have mine glued to me all the time. Aren’t you at work, anyways?”
“I’m cleaning the lunch time dishes in the kitchen.” Naruto replied with a sigh. “It’s my day to clean them while the kids party it up on the playground. Don’t change the subject; you were mad at me.”
“I was annoyed.” Gaara clarified. “I took some time to decompress. I didn’t think you’d feel bad about it and blow my phone up.”
There was a pause on Naruto’s end and, vaguely, Gaara heard running water. He actually was washing dishes. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Like, I meant it as a joke. I didn’t think you’d actually get upset. I mean, am I the first person to say you’re boring?”
“You’re the first one to say it out loud, yes.” Gaara mumbled, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Maybe just keep those comments to yourself next time.”
Another pause. “...I’m sorry.”
Gaara blinked up at the ceiling a few times, the smallest of smug smiles tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Are you apologizing to me, Uzumaki?”
“Don’t get smug about it.” Naruto sneered back at him. “I felt bad, okay? I didn’t mean to sound like a jerk and I know I did. I’m sorry, okay? Accept my apology.”
“Not the most meaningful apology,” Gaara murmured. “But fine. I accept your apology.”
“Ugh, I hope you know how awful it felt to say that to you.” Naruto grumbled. “So, Friday. Are you working?”
“Till five, yes.”
“I'll swing by the shop then. I can drive you home or whatever.” Naruto offered. “It'll make me look like a sweet and caring boyfriend.”
Gaara fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Alright.”
“...Alright.” Naruto replied. “Uh…bye, I guess?”
“Bye.” Gaara hung up and tossed his phone aside, looking down towards Shukaku. The cat was watching him, tail swishing slowly. “This is so weird, Shukaku.”
It was weird because that was probably the first time Naruto had ever apologized for saying something rude about Gaara. Honestly, it wasn't even the worst thing Naruto had ever said to him. It probably wouldn't even make the top five list yet…Naruto had apologized. He had been anxious about Gaara not responding to him, about Gaara possibly being so mad that he'd decided to ignore him.
That…wasn't exactly in line with what he thought he knew about the other. Naruto didn't come across as an anxious person, really. He certainly had never apologized before and for him to do it over something so small…
There was more to Naruto Uzumaki than he thought. He wasn't sure how he felt about that because, well, this whole arrangement wasn't in place for them to swap secrets and become friends.
Friday, November 10th, 4:35 p.m.
Gaara had been very busy at the shop. All of his appointments had been long ones, three to four hours each, and when he was finally able to plop down on the couch in the employee area he couldn't stop from groaning loudly and pressing his hands to his eyes. He didn't usually have eye strain after appointments but he'd woken up with a headache that morning, meaning his day was destined to be riddled with eye pain and an annoying throbbing at the back of his skull.
Hinata swiveled her chair around at her work desk to the right of the couch, making a small noise of understanding. “Need any pain killers? Or water?”
“No, but thank you.” Gaara replied, dropping his hands into his lap. He offered up a weak smile. “It'll pass.” She frowned at him in a way that reminded him of his sister.
“Well, if you change your mind let me know.” She told him firmly, turning back around to her work. “Sasuke and Suigetsu should be back any minute with pizza. Eat some, okay?”
“Suigetsu?” Gaara echoed in surprise. “When did he get here?”
“Right when you went in for your last appointment.” Hinata replied over her shoulder. “I guess he got back from his trip yesterday, though. I’m surprised you couldn’t hear him earlier with how loud he was.”
Suigetsu was Sasuke’s boyfriend. He was a pretty good guy in Gaara’s opinion, if perhaps a little loud and sometimes annoying. He was easy to talk to, though, and Gaara had found himself becoming quick and easy friends with him when he and Sasuke had still been in the awkward almost-dating phase. They’d been together for over a year now and Suigetsu was a pretty common sight in the shop when he wasn’t working.
“Glad he’s back.” Gaara murmured after a moment. “Sasuke can stop moping around now.”
“You know, that’s exactly what Itachi said earlier.” Hinata laughed, looking back at him. “He’s pretty thrilled to be back, too.”
“I bet.” Gaara yawned and, as if the two of them sensed they were being spoken of, Sasuke and Suigetsu came strolling through the front door.
Suigetsu, white hair a mess from the wind outside, was carrying two large pizza boxes, offering Konan a wide and charming smile as he passed her desk. “Made sure there were olives on the one pizza for ya, Konan.”
“My hero, as usual.” Konan drawled playfully, chuckling quietly despite not looking up from her computer screen. “Thank you. Need help?”
“Nope! I’ve got the pizza and Sasuke’s got the sodas.” Suigetsu assured, strolling past the desk. His purple eyes landed on Gaara and widened, a toothy grin on his face. “Yo, Gaara!” His voice was loud enough to make Gaara wince but it was…endearing.
Gaara offered a weak wave of his hand, still reclined back into the couch. “Hey, Suigetsu.”
Sasuke was following right behind Suigetsu, a few chilled bottles of sodas in a plastic bag that he set down on their table. He dug through the bag and pulled out a cherry cola, tossing it to Gaara who just barely caught it in time. “Are you finally done with all of your appointments?” He asked him, looking at him curiously. It was a slow day for Sasuke, meaning he had been bored out of his mind until Suigetsu had arrived.
“Luckily, yes.” Gaara replied, examining the soda bottle he held. It wasn’t the usual brand he got but he wouldn’t complain. He opened it up and took a sip, the carbonation fizzing in his mouth making him shiver a little. “Remind me not to schedule so many long pieces back to back like that again. I feel like shit.”
“You look like shit.” Suigetsu plopped down on the couch next to him after setting the pizzas down, screwing open his own orange soda. He took a long swig and sighed softly, looking back at Gaara with a small grin. “Need anything? Pain killers? Shoulder rub? A nap?”
“A nap sounds ideal, but I’ll live.” Gaara assured, shaking his head a little bit. “Glad your back. Your boyfriend has been absolutely miserable while waiting for you to get back.”
Sasuke’s head shot up as he tugged a slice of pizza out of one of the boxes. He squinted a little at Gaara, scoffing. “I was not.” He looked at Suigetsu. “Don’t listen to him; he’s trying to ruin my reputation.”
“What reputation?” Hinata cackled, swiveling around in her chair again and smirking in Sasuke’s direction. “Everyone knows how you get when Suigetsu is away for work. You’re totally miserable and you pout all the time.”
Sasuke rolled his eyes and took a bite of his pizza. “You’re all terrible.” He shot Hinata a glare that had no real heat in it, a glare that was more exasperation than irritation.
Suigetsu snorted softly at Gaara’s side. “I already know you love me so much you can’t function without me, babe; you’re not fooling anyone.” He turned back to Gaara and leaned in closer, making Gaara lean backwards in response. “So, Sasuke tells me that you got yourself a man now, huh? And Naruto , of all people?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, something that made Gaara want to roll his eyes.
Right. Of course Sasuke would have told Suigetsu about that. Suigetsu was a pretty good friend of Gaara’s so, one way or another, he would have eventually found out.
“Yeah.” Gaara nodded a bit and took another sip of his soda. He shrugged his shoulders after a moment. “It’s been wild news for everyone.”
“Wild indeed,” Suigetsu leaned back into the couch, thinking it over. “But that’s cool. Good for you, man. Finally getting out into the dating scene.” He reached out to playfully bump Gaara's arm. “I was starting to wonder if you’d ever start dating.”
“He’ll be swinging by here in a bit, I think.” Gaara murmured. “I'm sure he'll be happy to see you.” Suigetsu and Naruto got along, from what Gaara knew, sort of in a ‘siblings who bicker all the time’ sort of way.
“I'm so hyped to see him.” Suigetsu grinned, excited. “I want all the details on that little Halloween party you two hooked up at and I know better than to ask you.”
“Smart man.” Gaara mused, smiling fondly. He looked towards Sasuke who was pulling a stack of paper plates from a plastic bag. “Can you hand me a slice of pizza? I don't care which.”
“Got it.” Sasuke nodded a bit and got to work making plates for everyone because, despite his prickly personality, he was rather thoughtful and tended to take a mother-hen type role when it came to all of them at the shop. “How are you and Naruto doing, by the way?”
Gaara considered the question, leaning his head back against the couch. He hadn’t spoken to Naruto since Monday when they’d had that awkward phone call. It was normal for couples to talk every day but they weren’t a couple, not really, and Gaara didn’t see the need to talk to Naruto every day. Besides, Naruto hadn’t exactly reached out to him, either. “We’re fine, I guess.” He replied after a moment, taking a plate of pizza when Sasuke handed it to him. The smell of pizza coupled with the gentle lo-fi music playing over the shop speakers seemed to ease a little bit of the tension in his body. “We haven’t really talked since Monday.”
“Why not?” Sasuke passed out plates to Suigetsu and Hinata before finally making one for himself. He slapped some pizza on the plate and grabbed a soda from the bag-a lemon and lime soda- before he finally plopped down on the other side of the couch beside Gaara. “You two finally get in a fight?”
“Wouldn’t surprise me.” Hinata murmured from her chair, biting into her pizza. “Though, it took way longer than most of us expected.”
“I…guess it was sort of a fight?” Gaara said slowly, frowning to himself. He was genuinely unsure how to categorize the interaction. It was nowhere near as violent and harsh as their high school fights but it had still felt…heavy in a way. Like he had caught a glimpse of a part of Naruto he hadn’t seen before, a side brought out by his own aggression. It was…weird. He almost preferred the days when they’d throw things at each other instead of talking. “I…He called me boring and I snapped at him, I guess. He started texting me a bunch. A whole wall of texts, actually, and he seemed sort of…”
“Anxious?” Sasuke offered and, when Gaara looked at him, he was frowning a bit at his own food. “Yeah, he does that. That’s my fault. The anxiety texting, I mean.”
Gaara knew the basics of how Sasuke’s relationship with Naruto had fallen apart. He knew Sasuke’s guilt over it and knew, mostly, that the two of them had patched things up a long time ago but the damage had been done and still lingered on both of them. Gaara never wanted to pry and Sasuke had let new information slip out here and there, not that Gaara cared entirely. He could see that old guilt now, though, written all over Sasuke’s face. Like Gaara had ripped open an old wound with just his words. He felt…awkward all of a sudden. “We talked after, so it was fine. He thought I was mad for not replying to him and I…explained that I needed a bit to myself so I didn’t get too angry.”
Sasuke’s guilty expression vanished, then, and he looked over at Gaara with a small smile. “He hasn’t had time to get to know you enough yet so don’t take something like being called boring personally.”
Sasuke was sort of a blessing. He knew that despite the two of them ‘dating’, there was a lot about Gaara that Naruto wasn’t aware of. Things that would explain a lot of his behaviors, a lot of his attitude. Things that Gaara wasn’t comfortable talking to anyone about, let alone someone he had just started dating. Sasuke also knew that beneath Gaara’s aloof exterior was an ocean of insecurities; Naruto really couldn’t be blamed for not knowing.
Gaara didn’t reply nor did he have much of a chance to; the door to the shop opened. Naruto strolled in, a backpack slung over one shoulder, dressed in light colored jeans and a sunset orange, long sleeved shirt. He offered a wide smile at Konan who waved him along and he hurried over to the others. His eyes fell on Gaara first and he smiled again, though it seemed far less enthusiastic than the one he had given Konan. Or maybe Gaara was just thinking too hard about it. Naruto’s gaze drifted to Suigetsu, though, and his smile widened. “Yo, Suigetsu! I didn’t know you were back!”
Suigetsu shot to his feet and then the two of them were hugging like old friends. Gaara arched an eyebrow but said nothing, silently eating his pizza. Suigetsu stepped away from the hug and grinned widely, a hand on his hip. “So I’m gone for a few weeks and you shack up with Gaara, huh? I miss everything, I swear.”
“Oh, yeah.” Naruto laughed and looked back at Gaara. “It was a wild Halloween party, that’s for sure.” He threw in a wink towards Gaara that looked a little flirty.
“Wild” wasn’t exactly the word Gaara would use.
“Yeah, it must have been.” Suigetsu snorted and plopped back on the couch with a rather amused grin on his lips. “Can’t believe I missed it. That’s what I get for being out of town.”
“There’s pizza, Naruto.” Sasuke chimed in, gesturing towards the pizza boxes on the table in front of them. “Have some if you want. There’s plenty.”
“I actually ate a bit ago, but thanks.” Naruto waved it off before looking at Gaara again.
The eye contact felt…awkward. Not talking since earlier in the week had left the both of them on shaky footing with each other. Gaara fought down his initial annoyance, though, and spoke up. “How was work?”
The conversation starter seemed to do its trick; Naruto seemed to visibly relax as he plopped into a chair. “It was so long today. We kept the kids inside during play time since it was super cold and man, they were super against it. They didn’t want to play any of the indoor games at all. We were breaking a sweat trying to keep them entertained.”
“That sounds…tiring.” Gaara admitted. He didn’t particularly dislike children, of course. They were just…exhausting. “At least you're off now and it’s a weekend; you can relax for a few days.”
“Absolutely.” Naruto nodded. He fell into conversation with Hinata, then, and Gaara was glad to be able to be quiet for a while. His eyes still hurt and his head ached painfully; he wasn’t feeling up to long group conversations.
They spent about an hour like that, everyone chatting together while Gaara was content to listen. These friends, not counting Naruto at least, were used to Gaara opting out of conversation. It was normal for him and besides, he liked to listen more than he liked to talk. It wasn’t like he had much to contribute to the conversations around him, anyways. He liked to hear everyone talk to each other. In a weird way it warmed his heart a little to hear his friends laughing and talking together, even if Naruto was there. There was so much history between all of them, even Suigetsu who was newer to their lives. Even if Gaara couldn’t stand Naruto on a good day, he could enjoy how easily he was able to laugh and joke with Hinata and Sasuke, and how easily he and Suigetsu got along. He had wondered if talking to Suigetsu was difficult, considering Naruto’s past with Sasuke, but it seemed to be as easy as breathing for him.
Sasuke and Suigetsu had gotten up several times and had, eventually, changed their seating positions. Suigetsu was still seated next to Gaara but Sasuke had chosen to sit himself in
Suigetsu’s lap now, reclined back into the other’s chest like he belonged there. Which…well, he did. Suigetsu had rested his chin on Sasuke’s shoulder while still talking to Naruto and Hinata, content as could be. It was…cute. It was a casual sort of intimacy that Gaara had never quite understood and didn’t have any sort of experience in. It wasn’t like he was particularly fond of people touching him most of the time and he had never dated anyone. Obviously, he knew it was a normal couple thing. But he couldn’t exactly imagine anyone touching him so tenderly and casually.
Shit. Were he and Naruto supposed to be acting like that? It would make sense, he assumed. Especially since their friends were already under the impression that he and Naruto had slept together; as far as they were concerned, they were far past the shy and awkward stage.
Naruto hadn’t made any move to initiate their physical activity anymore, though, which was a relief. Gaara wasn’t sure how he felt about the idea of Naruto’s hands on him in such an intimate way and almost preferred the way it had been when they were teens. Violent and impulsive. That, at least, would be familiar to Gaara in more ways than one. Violent touch, he was accustomed to despite having not dealt with it in more than a few years. Soft, intimate touch? Hell, he had a hard enough time when Lee or any other friend wanted to hug him. Kankuro and Temari were the only people who’s touch he could tolerate most days.
Eventually Hinata was drug away by her last appointment of the night while Sasuke sat down at his work desk to email some clients. Suigetsu would wait patiently on the couch, Gaara knew, messing around on his phone until Sasuke was ready to leave. Gaara, however, was eager to leave. His head still ached, though the food had eased it a little, and he desperately missed his bed. He looked towards Naruto to suggest they leave, but Naruto was already gathering his things. Naruto glanced his way and tilted his head in the direction of the front door. “Wanna head out?”
“Yeah.” Gaara nodded and stood up, looking at Suigetsu. “We’ll hang out soon, okay?”
“Sure. We can even do a double date.” The white haired menace snickered, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that was suggestive and yet…unsettling. “We can do a movie night or whatever.”
“That actually sounds fun.” Naruto grinned a little. Gaara wanted to smack him. Fun? They’d be alone, in close quarters, with Sasuke. Sasuke, who knew them both well enough to know when they were lying. Sasuke, who was still in awe of their new relationship status and would no doubt pick up on anything that seemed off. “We’ll plan it.”
Gaara was dreading it already.
The two of them said goodbyes and made their way to Naruto’s car. Naruto spared a glance at the sky before he got into the driver seat. “Looks like it’ll rain soon.”
“Probably.” Gaara agreed as he settled in the passenger seat.
Naruto grimaced a bit. “Gross. I hate driving in the rain…mostly at night, really.”
Gaara hummed in reply. He didn’t mind the rain and he didn’t mind driving in it. It made him feel more alert when he drove in the rain and when he was driving, he liked to be alert. Most people he knew hated it, though, so it was a weird little thing about him that he liked to flex now and again.
Naruto started driving, his car radio playing some sort of pop song on low volume. “You alright?”
His question caught Gaata by surprise. He blinked and looked over at him, frowning softly. “What do you mean?”
“You were quiet.” Naruto replied, glancing away from the road for a brief moment to look at him.
“Oh.” Gaara shrugged his shoulders slowly. “I’m always quiet.”
“Well, it seemed a little more quiet than usual. I know you’re pretty chatty with Hinata and Sasuke.” Naruto offered. “You barely said anything at all the whole time we were chatting.”
“I have a headache.” Gaara murmured, looking back at the road ahead of them. “And my eyes ache. Didn’t feel like talking much.”
“Oh,” Naruto murmured, thoughtful. “Do you get eye strain from tattooing? Like Itachi and Sasuke?”
“Yes, though nowhere near as intense as Itachi’s.” Gaara replied softly. “I only have it today because of how many long sessions I had scheduled. I…also hadn’t eaten much before I got started and I didn’t sleep well.”
“Don’t be offended by this, but you look like you never sleep well.” Naruto told him. His tone wasn’t harsh or teasing. It sounded more like an observation if anything.
“I don’t sleep.” Gaara’s response earned him an arched eyebrow from the other and he continued. “I mean, I sleep. But not well. Can’t stay asleep. I wake up a lot. I have trouble falling asleep. I’m usually up fairly late.”
Naruto, to his surprise, nodded in what looked to be understanding. “Yeah, I struggle with sleeping, too. My ADHD makes my head feel…loud, I guess? It’s easier with my usual medication but when I run out and don’t refill it on time, my sleep really suffers. My brain will just keep going and going all night.”
Gaara sort of despised the fact that they had something in common. “Sleeping used to be so easy when we were kids.”
“You got that right.” Naruto scoffed loudly. The car turned down a street and Naruto sighed softly. Gaara saw him grip the steering wheel a little harder. “So, my parents wanted me to invite you over for dinner tomorrow night.”
Gaara felt his stomach flip. Dinner with his parents? Right…they thought he and Naruto were a real couple. Of course they’d want to have dinner with their son’s romantic partner. But Gaara was…well, certainly not their favorite person by a long shot. He could refuse, of course, but that would feel sort of rude. It was sort of a miracle as it was that he was being invited at all.
“Tomorrow night…” Gaara bit his lip, clenching and unclenching his fists in his lap. “I don’t have plans. I can do it.”
“I was afraid you’d say that.” Naruto groaned softly with a small and sad shake of his head. “I’ll tell them you’ll be there, then. Damn.”
“Should I bring anything?” That was normal when one was invited to dinner at a partners’ home, wasn’t it? To bring something?
“No, you don’t have to bring anything.” Naruto shook his head a little. He glanced back at Gaara and the two shared a moment of eye contact, Naruto’s uneasy expression mirroring the feeling pooling in Gaara’s gut. He sighed and glanced back at the road. “I’m not thrilled, either. I just couldn’t figure out a way to tell them no without outing our whole situation. And that was going to be an even worse conversation if they found out we were scamming everyone.”
He had a point and Gaara hated it. He shifted a little in the seat, nodding his head slowly. “It’s fine. It’s just dinner.” He could do one dinner.
“Thanks. You’re saving me a lot more scrutiny by doing it.” Naruto admitted, sounding far more relieved than he had previously.
Gaara did get a small twinge of pleasure knowing how uncomfortable Naruto was with the idea of his parents and Gaara in the same room but it was hard to enjoy it when he remembered that he, too, would be uncomfortable as well. Naruto’s discomfort was only amusing if Gaara wasn’t also drug into that awkward spotlight.
“Also, I uh…I know I said sorry earlier this week but I’m a firm believer that apologies should be face to face so…” Naruto took a deep breath as the car stopped at a red light. “I’m sorry for upsetting you the other day.”
Gaara had to fight his initial impulse to scoff; scoffing at an apology was rude no matter who it came from. Usually, at least. He watched Naruto’s grip on the steering wheel tighten and loosen several times in an almost anxious way. No, not almost. It was definitely just…anxious. Just like the mass texting he had done back on Monday when he had initially thought Gaara was furious with him.
He didn’t exactly take Naruto for the anxious type but it made sense, he supposed, especially after the small comment Sasuke had made about it. He sort of wanted to pry because, well, he was only human and humans were curious creatures by nature. He didn’t know Naruto like that, though, and he didn’t really want to. Gaara was no stranger to anxiety, though his manifested as anger more often than not. Not that he was comparing, of course. Anxiety sucked no matter how someone experienced it. He just found it sort of strange that Naruto cared enough to be anxious about how he and Gaara talked.
It made sense, he reasoned after a moment. They had to get along to a certain degree and it wouldn’t do either of them any good to be constantly stressed out about the other.
“I forgive you.” The words felt heavy on Gaara’s tongue, like they weren’t really supposed to be said. He waited until Naruto started driving again to continue speaking. “I can be…quick tempered. I probably shouldn’t have snapped at you the way I did and I didn’t…realize my sudden silence would be upsetting to you. I'm…sorry.”
Well, this felt awkward. It wasn't like he had ever imagined he'd be sitting in Naruto Uzumaki's car, apologizing for his own shitty behavior. He certainly had never imagined Naruto apologizing to him for anything, either. He wasn't really sure how he felt about this turn of events.
“I…appreciate the apology.” Naruto said slowly, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
There had been no apologies when Gaara had hit Naruto so hard he needed stitches. There had been no apologies when Naruto had busted Gaara's lip during a messy P.E. class fight. There certainly hadn't been any apologies when Gaara threw a book at Naruto, hitting him hard in the back of the head and, certainly, there had been no apologies when Naruto shoved Gaara down their schools front steps, resulting in Gaara twisting his ankle and getting a concussion. High school…hadn't been the brightest time for either of them and the idea of apologizing hadn't ever passed their mind. This…this was a new step for them and Gaara wasn't sure what it meant.
The car pulled up to Gaara’s house a bit later, bringing an easy end to the awkward vibe that had settled over the car. Gaara gathered his stuff, glancing at Naruto. “Text me what time you want me over.”
“I will.” Naruto murmured with a quick nod. “Have a…decent night.”
He'd be up all night. Partially because of his own sleep issues and partially because whatever had just shifted between the two of them, it left him feeling uneasy.
Saturday, November 11th, 5:00 p.m.
Gaara walked to Naruto's house, arriving at 5 p.m. on the dot. Naruto had told him to come by anytime after 5 and Gaara had nothing better to do than anxiously wait for what may be the most awkward dinner of his life; so he showed up on time. Naruto had let him in, leading him up to his room immediately.
The room looked exactly as Gaara remembered; cozy and well lived in. Gaara sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded awkwardly in his lap. He hoped he was dressed correctly. He had worn a simple pair of dark blue jeans and a dark green, long sleeved shirt. He wasn't sure if there was a certain dress code; Naruto certainly hadn't told him if there was.
Naruto was pacing in the middle of the room, arms crossed. He certainly looked more nervous than Gaara was used to. He spared Gaara a quick glance. “Alright. Look, just for tonight can you not be your usual dick-ish self?”
Gaara bristled at that, irritated. “The first thing you say to me when I come over is that I'm a dick. Nice.”
Naruto rolled his eyes, no signs of the same remorse he had shown when he called Gaara boring. “Yes, because you are and that’s how my parents remember you.”
Okay, fair enough. Gaara rolled his eyes but, reluctantly, he nodded. “I’ll be nice. It’s not like I’m going to insult your parents or something.”
Naruto stopped pacing and stared at him with a frown on his lips. “I don’t know that. I’ve never seen you around parents, man. For all I know, you could mouth off and really tick them off.”
Gaara sighed loudly in annoyance, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Naruto, the last thing I’m going to do is cause problems on purpose in your house. With you when we’re alone, sure, but not when I’m awkwardly stuck here at dinner I don’t even want to be at pretending I’m head over heels for you.”
Naruto rolled his eyes back, finally resting a hand on his hip. “You’d be lucky to be head over heels for me, jerk. But fine; if you say you’ll behave then I’ll just have to believe you.”
Naruto’s lack of confidence in him was irritating but Gaara had to give him some credit; at least he was trusting him at all. Neither of them wanted to be doing this and it wouldn’t be a good idea for them to start fighting right now.
Gaara dropped his hand back into his lap. “To be fair, I’m not sure any level of good behavior is going to change how they feel about me.”
“It might,” Naruto shrugged a little. “If they think you’re important to me, which they do think that, then they’re going to at least try to change how they feel about you.”
“Fair enough…” Gaara frowned to himself, glancing away. Naruto had left some video horror game playthrough playing on his Tv and it made Gaara’s lips twitch into the smallest of smiles. “Have you ever played that game?” He asked, gesturing to the TV.
Naruto glanced at the Tv and frowned, shaking his head. “No way, man. I told you before that I suck with horror movies. I’d be even worse with a horror video game.”
“That one isn’t too bad,” Gaara offered lightly, still watching the Tv. “A lot of cheap jump scares with a fairly good plot. The monster designs are really well done.”
Naruto had come closer, plopping down on the bed beside Gaara. “I totally agree about the plot; I’ve watched this playthrough at least six times already. I just don’t have the ability to play them myself; I’d fall out of bed or something.”
Gaara could actually see that. He snorted lightly and looked back at Naruto. “Big baby.”
“Jerk.” Naruto sneered back at him before he frowned a little.
Gaara knew that look. Naruto was thinking about something and Gaara wasn’t going to like it one bit. “God, what is it now?”
“Well…remember how we practiced holding hands like once or twice?” Naruto spoke slowly, like every word caused him physical pain.
Gaara hesitated. “...We’re going to have to hold hands tonight, aren’t we?” He was suddenly hit with the memory of Suigetsu and Sasuke from the shop, touching so casually. Like it was effortless.
Naruto shrugged his shoulders in an exaggerated way. “Well, I mean considering I’ve spent the last week or so telling my parents how much I adore you…yes, we will. I mean, we’re going to have to practice touching each other more anyways; Sasuke and Suigetsu wanna hang and Sasuke’s definitely going to think it’s weird if I’m not all over you.”
Damn. Gaara was really starting to hate when Naruto had a good point.
Gaara ran his fingers through his hair. “I can hold your hand.” He said firmly. “But nothing else. Your parents don’t need to see anything else anyway.” Gaara was going to need to mentally prepare for even trying to do anything else. The list of people he’d had any sort of intimate contact with was extremely short and was something he didn’t feel like telling Naruto about moments before sitting across from his parents.
As if to prove the action wouldn’t kill him on the spot, Gaara held his hand up a little. Naruto eyed him, unimpressed, and slapped his hand into Gaara’s and gave a rather rough squeeze. “I’m not trying to con my way into your pants, if that’s what you think. We’ll just have to be comfortable enough to cuddle and stuff in front of our friends; they already think we had mind blowing sex.”
“I don’t recall ever saying it was mind blowing.” Gaara scoffed, a little bit amused despite how uncomfortable the whole thing made him.
Naruto rolled his eyes. “I told people it was mind blowing. It was a total level up for your reputation, you know.”
“Oh, I’m sure.” Gaara couldn’t have cared less.
“Naruto! Dinner!”
Kushina Uzumaki’s voice drifted up the stairs and Gaara felt his stomach flip. Gods, he hated being nervous because he was going to look angry . His anxiety always made him look mad and this was so not the time for that.
Naruto stood up, pulling Gaara up with him since they were still holding hands. “So, Mom and Dad made teriyaki chicken on rice and some dumplings on the side. Is that okay? I sort of forgot to ask if there were foods you couldn’t eat.”
“That’s fine.” Gaara assured him. “I’m not picky at all; I eat most things.”
“Thank god.” Naruto breathed, pulling him out of the room.
Gaara followed after him, steeling himself for what would be the most uncomfortable dinner he’d experienced in a long time. Or at least that was how he was expecting it to feel.
The two of them made their way to the dining room where Minato and Kushina were setting the table, plates of food already made for everyone. Eating in the dining room reminded Gaara of his youth, how his father always insisted they eat together as a family despite nearly every meal ending in either Temari crying or Kankuro and Gaara red with rage. That was why he and his siblings didn’t have a dining room and either ate together in the living room or in their own separate bedrooms. The sight of the Uzumaki’s dining room table, put together and waiting, sort of left a bad taste in Gaara’s mouth and before he could stop himself, he was squeezing Naruto’s hand a little.
Minato and Kushina looked up at their arrival, both of them glancing at Gaara and Naruto’s intertwined hands before Minato stepped forward with a smile that was…friendly enough. He held his hand out to Gaara. “Hi, Gaara. Long time no see.”
Gaara, letting go of Naruto’s hand, didn’t hesitate to shake Minato’s. To him, Minato had always seemed to be the less intimidating of the two. Even when Minato was yelling at Gaara’s dad in their high school principal’s office, he had never seemed quite as intense as Kushina. Gaara mustered up a small smile that he hoped was decent enough. “Yes. Thank you for inviting me.” He looked towards Kushina who had stepped over to stand beside her husband. “Both of you. I appreciate it.”
Kushina smiled and, surprisingly, it didn’t look forced. That made Gaara relax a little. “Don’t mention it. You’re dating our boy; can’t blame us for wanting you over as soon as possible.”
Gaara nodded a little. “Well, I’m happy to be here.” God, he wanted to go home already.
“Hey, let’s eat already.” Naruto pouted from the side. “I’m starving.”
“Yes! Sit down.” Kushina laughed as everyone took their seats. Kushina and Minato were seated across from Gaara and Naruto.
At least their dining table was small and almost intimate. It was nothing like the too large table from his youth, where his father sat at the head of the table looking down at them the entire time. Here, Kushina and Minato seemed to be equals with them and that was…less intimidating than before.
Naruto had started eating the second they sat down which wasn’t a big surprise. Gaara started a little slower, taking his first forkful of rice and salmon into his mouth. He wasn’t really sure what to do other than eat. Were they going to talk? Surely it would be rude if Gaara stayed quiet the whole time. Was Naruto going to start the conversation? Was Gaara supposed to? Despite the relaxed demeanor of it all and how different it was from his youth, Gaara found himself feeling just as frozen as he had been as a child.
As a kid, dinner time had been his least favorite part of the day, tied of course with his father coming home from work every evening. He and his siblings would sit at the table, too unsure of what to do or say. When they were really small, Rasa had hired a maid for the house that always left the moment he came home. The maid would make dinner, making sure it was hot and ready when Rasa returned. When Temari had gotten a little older, around her tenth or eleventh birthday, the task of cleaning the house and making sure dinner was done had gone to her so that Rasa could save money. Kankuro and Gaara would help clean, of course, to ease as much of the stress their sister had as they could. When dinner would roll around the three of them would sit at the table, staring down at their plates and praying their father wasn’t angry that day. Sometimes it was Temari he would pick on. He’d nitpick at her cooking or have some rude thing to say about the house and if it was clean enough. Sometimes if he was feeling particularly prickly, he’d yell at Kankuro or lecture him about school or about being lazy. He’d say anything to try and get under Kankuro’s skin, mostly because Kankuro had always been the one to step in to protect both Temari and Gaara.
Most of the time, especially as they got older and Gaara had become more violent as a result of Rasa’s physical and verbal abuse, Rasa would target Gaara at dinner. It became even more frequent when Temari got her first job and she wasn’t around to defend him. Rasa had always been able to find a way to be angry with Gaara no matter what. Of course, a lot of the time yelling at Gaara had never been good enough and Rasa would yank him away from the table because hitting his son seemed to scratch whatever itch he had far better…
Gaara really didn’t want to be thinking about all of this right now.
“So, Gaara,” Kushina had spoken up, saving Gaara from his rapidly increasing thoughts. “It’s been so long, you’re basically a stranger now. Tell us about yourself; Naruto says you work at the tattoo shop with Sasuke?”
“I do.” Gaara replied, nodding a little bit. He glanced at Naruto who was sitting to his right and was also watching him. He looked back at the parents. “I’ve been there a while. Sasuke introduced me to the whole tattooing thing and I…guess I just took to it fairly well.”
“Naruto showed us some of your work on your social media.” Minato chimed in, taking a sip from his glass before smiling a…blindingly bright smile his way. “It’s sort of incredible, actually. You do great work.”
Gaara felt his face heat up slightly from the praise. “Thank you.”
“Naruto said you also live with your brother and sister?” Kushina probed, head tilted to the side. Nothing about her posture or her expression seemed hostile…and yet Gaara felt uneasy. “I think we met your sister a few times back when you two were in highschool, right? Temari?”
Gaara nodded. “Yeah, Temari and our brother Kankuro.” He murmured. “I moved in with them halfway through my third year of highschool. We just got a bigger place a few years ago. A few streets away, actually.”
“That’s great that you’re close with them.” Minato offered, still smiling. “You three moved out pretty early in life, huh? Are you guys still close with your parents?”
Gaara hesitated, feeling his stomach twist again. Beside him, Naruto shifted a bit. “You guys aren’t wasting any time hounding him, huh?” He laughed a bit but Gaara could tell it was forced.
Kushina looked at her son. “We’re just curious, is all. I mean, I would have been totally heart broken if you moved out so soon, Naruto. I imagine Gaara’s mother must have felt the same.”
Naruto choked a little on his drink. “Mom-”
“My mother’s dead, actually, so I’d imagine she didn’t have any strong feelings about it.” Gaara replied, surprised by how smooth and unsarcastic his voice had come out. “She died when I was a baby.”
Kushina’s expression morphed into one of minor horror but she was quick to replace it with a more nervous smile. “Oh, god, I’m sorry. I had no idea. That was so insensitive of me.”
Gaara shook his head quickly. “No, no it’s alright. It…was a long time ago.” He always hated this part, awkwardly assuring people that yes, his mother was dead and yes, he was fine. He was totally fine.
“Oh my god.” Naruto murmured from the side, rubbing a hand over his face.
Gaara was a little glad that they were both uncomfortable, at least.
“Well, what about your father?” Minato offered, probably in an attempt to lighten the mood. Oh, that poor man. “He seemed like a very…independent man, from what I remember. Are you kids close with him after being on your own for so long?”
“No.” Gaara said quickly, frowning. “We don’t usually talk to him. Ever, if we can help it.” He saw Naruto glance at him but the mere mention of his father made it hard for Gaara to look back.
Outside of Lee and Sasuke, no one really knew just how terrible Rasa had been to his kids. Shikamaru and Kiba knew too, of course, but that was because they had both been dating Kankuro and Temari for so long; of course they’d know. Sure, most of his friends knew that Rasa had been mean and unsuited to care for kids. They probably all had their assumptions but…not many of them knew the real extent of it all. Especially not Naruto, who Gaara had never had a reason to tell.
“Really?” Minato looked surprised and, maybe, just a little judgmental.
“Dad, not everyone is close with their dads like I am.” Naruto offered. Maybe he was trying to come to Gaara’s rescue.
Minato chuckled a little bit. “I guess not but I mean, you can tell a lot about someone by their relationship with their parents.”
Minato meant well and Gaara knew he did. No one at this table knew the can of sick feelings they were opening and he couldn’t be mad. He wasn’t mad, he honestly wasn’t. This…just wasn’t the group of people he ever thought he’d have to explain this to.
“Well, considering my father likes to hit his kids, we try to avoid contact with him as much as we can.” Gaara was surprised that he had kept his voice steady. He actually sounded almost…uncaring.
Minato and Kushina both seemed to freeze for a moment, their eyes widening. Naruto had gone silent too and when Gaara glanced at him,the blonde was staring down at his plate with an unreadable expression. Gaara sighed and took another bite of his food. “I’m sorry. There was probably a better way to say that. I didn’t mean to ruin the atmosphere-”
“No!” Kushina cut in quickly, shaking her head. “No, Gaara, no. It’s alright. We…we just didn’t know. We wouldn’t have asked anything like that if we knew.” She sounded distressed, genuinely concerned that Gaara would be upset. He wanted to be upset, really, but it wouldn’t have been fair to Minato or Kushina. They didn’t know.
Gaara looked back at her and offered a weak smile. “It’s alright. I’m…alright now. You can ask me any other questions.”
Kushina looked like she didn’t want to but, much like her son, she didn’t shy away from most things. She sat up straighter, looking thoughtful for a moment. “I’ll admit I was surprised when I found out about the two of you. What…made you want to date Naruto?”
That was a reasonable question.
“Well…It certainly wasn't something I expected to happen.” Gaara offered slowly. Naruto was still quiet at his side and that was okay; Gaara had dropped a pretty nasty piece of lore about himself, after all. “We had a…thing at Sakura's Halloween party and afterwards we just started talking. We…have some things in common. Naruto and I. It was…kind of enjoyable talking to him alone without the prying eyes of others. I don't know what we were thinking but…Naruto asked me on a date and I said yes. So…” He paused, feeling awkward. “Here we are.”
It was the most he had ever said in one sitting to Minato and Kushina. Man, being around the Uzumaki family really made him talk, it seemed. Ah, well; it probably looked better if he talked more than usual. It made him look less rude, he assumed.
“We’re trying it out,” Naruto added finally after clearing his throat. Gaara glanced at him and saw a smile on his lips. “I mean, it’s been pretty great so far. Maybe it’ll end up being the best decision we ever made.” He laughed softly.
“Cute.” Minato hummed with a soft smile, his chin resting in his hand as he watched them. “You two getting together definitely wasn’t what we expected back when you kids were younger but if you’re both happy then who are we to judge?”
“I agree.” Kushina nodded and when Gaara met her eye, the woman’s smile looked genuine. “You guys are in the best part of dating, in my opinion. The stage where you get to know each other! Finding out what you like and dislike, your little quirks and habits. That’s honestly such a fun part of dating.”
“You say that,” Minato chuckled, looking at his wife. “Yet when you found out about me snoring when we dated it was almost the end of the world.”
Kushina laughed and shoved the man gently. “No! Don’t make it sound so dramatic.” She looked back at Naruto and Gaara, her smile turning into a playful smirk. “But he did snore pretty badly when we first got together. You could hear him across the house, almost.”
Minato looked at Gaara and rolled his eyes in a fond sort of way, that soft smile on his lips again. “You see what I put up with? Utter nonsense.” His words were filled with warmth, though, and love for the woman at his side.
Gaara smiled a little bit. “Total nonsense.” He replied with a small nod, feeling entirely out of his element.
He had never grown up with both of his parents, and had never seen what they were like when they were together. Temari had said, once, that Rasa and their mother had been so completely in love that it was almost disgusting to watch. They had been the types to always kiss each other goodbye, to hold hands wherever they went, to always flirt with each other at any moment. They had been sappy and in love, much like Kushina and Minato, and Gaara had never seen it. So, to see the couple in front of him so playful and in love, it left him feeling a bittersweet sort of longing. He would have liked to have seen his parents like that instead of living with the father he had grown up with.
A hand on his knee under the table made him jerk and he looked at Naruto, eyes widened a bit in surprise. Naruto glanced at him, a questioning look on his face, and his hand gently squeezed Gaara’s knee. Was he…seeing if Gaara was okay?
Well, he supposed he must have made a face. He always did when his thoughts drifted to his father or mother.
Gaara gave a small nod and tried to smile, though he knew it was small and probably looked awkward. It must have done the trick; Naruto moved his hand away and went back to eating.
The rest of the dinner actually went…really well, in his opinion. Kushina and Minato asked about his siblings and their jobs. They asked about his job again, wondering how much he liked it and if it felt like a stable enough career. He was sure it was typical of parents to ask when their child was dating someone and he didn’t mind, though talking about himself felt strange. Naruto chimed in a lot, coming to Gaara’s rescue many times when he needed a breather. Kushina and Minato were pretty nice, if he were going to be honest. He had expected…well, he wasn’t sure what he expected. Open hostility, maybe, because of his rough past with their son. But instead it was just…nice. Gaara felt less nervous by the minute, that anxious knot in his stomach unwinding and vanishing by the time they had finished eating.
When Minato started gathering everyone’s dishes Gaara glanced at him. “I can help clean-”
“Absolutely not.” Minato cut him off with a scoff, shaking his head. “You’re a guest, Gaara; we won’t make you clean. Next time, though, you’re definitely on dish duty.”
Gaara laughed softly and nodded as he stood up. “Fair enough.”
Naruto was by his side, gesturing for Gaara to follow him. Gaara figured they would go upstairs; it would seem a little rude to leave so soon even if he was eager to get home. He was already counting this meeting as a failure only because of his own awkwardness, though it seemed Kushina and Minato had taken him in stride. That was more than he expected and most likely more than Naruto had expected as well.
The two of them made their way up to Naruto’s room, Gaara taking a seat on the edge of the bed like he had before. Naruto shut the bedroom door but he didn’t sit down; he stood there by the door, biting his lip as he eyed Gaara with an unreadable expression.
Gaara suddenly felt exposed. He shifted a little where he sat, glancing away before looking back at Naruto. “Did I fuck it up?” He asked after a second, sighing a little bit.
Naruto seemed surprised at his question, shaking his head. “No, actually. I…think they might sort of like you.” He pushed away from the door and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Gaara. He stared down at his lap, frowning a little bit. Clearly there was something wrong and Gaara couldn’t figure out what it was. What had he done?
Gaara nodded slowly. “Okay…then what’s the matter?”
Naruto looked at him for a long moment before asking, very softly, “Did…your dad really hurt you guys?”
Gaara’s stomach lurched, his eyes widening slightly. He knew he had caught the family by surprise but he didn’t think Naruto would ask about it. He felt stupid, though, for not expecting it; Naruto was always the one to ask questions when no one else would.
How was he supposed to talk about this, though? How was he supposed to talk to Naruto about it, of all people?
Gaara glanced down at his own lap, his mouth feeling dry. He clenched his fists and nodded slowly. “He used to, yes.”
Just saying the words made his body feel heavy, like the words alone were weighing him down. He had a sudden urge to bolt but he couldn’t do that; he was too old to run from the past.
“I had no idea.” Naruto’s voice sounded like a whisper, like he was upset. When Gaara glanced at him again Naruto was still looking at him, an absolutely miserable look on his face.
Gaara shrugged his shoulders a little, feeling momentarily at a loss for words. “Not…many people know. Just a few.” He murmured.
“I mean, there were rumors when we were in highschool.” Naruto continued, bringing a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. “I just never…”
“Believed them.” Gaara finished softly. He shrugged again because…well, what else could he do? “I don’t think many people did.” That was just how it had been back then. Gaara had accepted it a very long time ago.
“I…mean…something like that…” Naruto took a deep breath and frowned softly. Gaara couldn’t recall a time he’d ever seen Naruto look distressed. Furious, sure. Happy, plenty of times. But distressed like this? Gaara had never seen it. “When you’re a kid in highschool and you hear something like that, you don’t want to believe it. Stuff like that…people hurting their kids? No one wants to believe it. And…to be honest I…sort of suspected that people were just trying to excuse your behavior. It made me really not want to believe it because I hated you so much that I didn’t want you to have an actual reason to be such a jerk.”
Gaara couldn’t be that upset. Naruto was right; no kid wanted to believe something that terrible was happening to someone they knew, especially if it was someone they hated. Gaara had heard whispers of the rumors back then but Kankuro had been fast to silence them. The last thing they wanted was for a teacher or, god forbid, authorities to get involved.
Gaara bit the inside of his cheek, thinking about what to say next. “...It was a long time ago. It doesn’t really matter anymore. It doesn’t excuse how I treated anyone in highschool.”
“It does matter.” Naruto insisted. His hand was on Gaara’s knee again, just like it had been during dinner, squeezing gently. He looked determined now, like he was focused on something Gaara wasn’t aware of yet. “I…I’m sorry you went through that. If I had known-”
“Naruto,” Gaara cut him off gently, eyeing the hand on his knee for a moment before looking back at him. “Even if you knew, I wouldn’t have let you do anything to help. I didn’t tell anyone anything until Sasuke, and even then, I had no choice when he found out.”
Naruto’s eyes widened slightly. “Sasuke knew?” His tone was a bit more surprised than Gaara had expected.
Gaara nodded. “Well, yeah. You…remember how he and I got partnered together for a class project at the beginning of our third year?”
Naruto thought about it and then nodded. “Yeah, I remember that.” He replied. “I was so mad that you were his partner and he was too; he used to really not like you.”
Gaara was well aware of that. He and Sasuke had hated each other on principle back then. Sasuke was Naruto’s best friend and boyfriend; of course he hated Gaara, who was constantly in a fight with his boyfriend. He and Sasuke had gotten into their own fair share of shoving matches in the school halls as it was so when they were paired up for a project, it was understandably something that ticked them all off.
“He came over to my house once so we could work on the project together.” Gaara’s body felt hot, his stomach twisting anxiously. He hadn’t told this story to anyone other than a therapist before and he certainly hadn’t thought about it recently. The memory of it all already had his heart hammering in his chest. “I left him in my room to get snacks from the kitchen in hopes we’d get along enough to work if we had food. My…father came home and…God, I don’t even remember what he started yelling at me about.”
Had Rasa been yelling about dishes? Had Gaara made a mess on the counter? He couldn’t remember how it started. He could only remember feeling cornered in the kitchen, his dad blocking the only way out as he screamed, red in the face.
“At one point my father got really mad because he thought I was talking back to him and…” He hesitated, squeezing his eyes shut. There was a gentle squeeze on his knee that drug him gently back to reality. “My brother hadn’t moved in with Temari yet; he was still packing his stuff. By the time he raced to the kitchen to get involved I already had a split lip and our father had flung a glass across the kitchen. Kankuro drew the attention away from me and I rushed back to my room but…I had forgotten Sasuke was there. So, I walked in with a busted lip, on the verge of tears, and he and I just…stared at each other.”
The absolute horror that had been on Sasuke’s face was something Gaara would never forget.
“I thought he’d freak out,” Gaara continued quietly. “Or leave and never want to see me again. But…instead, Sasuke pulled me to my bed and helped me clean up my lip with the first aid kit I kept under my bed. He didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t say anything about it. He just…sat with me, helped me, and then we went back to doing our project. My dad left after a while and Kankuro took Sasuke home. I remember being…scared that Sasuke knew.”
That terror was a feeling he’d never forget. Sitting in his room with his head in his hands, praying to whatever god existed that Sasuke wouldn’t tell a soul about what had happened.
“You were worried he’d tell someone?” Naruto asked softly.
Gaara nodded again. “Yes. I…worried he’d tell a teacher and that, to me, was the worst thing I could imagine. I didn’t want a big fuss made. I didn’t want to be taken from my siblings who were still working hard to be with me. But he didn’t tell anyone. Instead he…invited me over to his house a lot. He’d ask if I wanted to sleep over at least once a week. And, if he did come back to my house, he made sure my father knew he was there. I guess he was protecting me the only way he knew he could…keeping me out of the house as much as possible.”
Sasuke had protected him and Gaara would never forget it. How could he? It had been the first time someone other than his siblings had offered him protection without question. Gaara had been so sure that there would be a catch, that at some point Sasuke would demand something in return but he never had. Sasuke had never once asked for anything in exchange for his friendship. He had been so painfully honest in his intentions that Gaara had been terrified of what it meant. Having a friend like that for the first time in his life was terrifying.
But Gaara wouldn’t trade his friendship with Sasuke for the world.
Gaara took a deep breath, finally realizing just how on edge he was. His hands were shaking in his lap and he looked back over at Naruto. Naruto was watching him with a pained expression, something Gaara had never seen on his face before. It sort of left Gaara at a loss again. Naruto…wasn’t supposed to be someone who knew these things about him. There had never been a reason for him to.
Naruto’s expression seemed to soften finally and he nodded slowly, like he had finally absorbed all of what Gaara told him. “...I’m sorry you grew up like that.” The weight of that sentence was heavy, making Gaara’s hands shake a little harder in his lap.
“...My siblings got me out of it so…” Gaara glanced away. “It’s okay now. I’m…okay now. Mostly.”
“Mostly.” Naruto echoed softly, scoffing softly. His hand finally pulled away from Gaara’s knee and he sighed loudly, falling onto his back on the bed. “Man, Gaara…I feel like such a jerk for all the shit I pulled in highschool. I thought you were just some rich, spoiled jerk that didn’t care about anyone else. I was totally wrong.”
Gaara peered over at him and offered what he hoped was at least a half convincing smile. “It’s alright. I was a jerk.”
“Yeah, but you had a reason.”
“A reason, yes, but not an excuse.”
Naruto didn’t seem to have a reply for that right away. He seemed to scowl up at the ceiling, hands resting calmly on his stomach. “...Fair point.” He sat up again and offered Gaara a smile of his own, one that looked…tired, actually. Maybe still a little sad, too. “Thank you for telling me. I…didn’t have any business asking but you didn’t have to tell me, either.”
Gaara wasn’t really sure what had made him say all of it in the first place. He could have told Naruto to mind his own business and they could have left it at that. Maybe he felt like he owned Naruto the truth after spewing it so suddenly in front of his parents. Maybe the entire evening had been reminding him of his father and he just needed to let it out a little bit.
Gaara wasn’t sure.
“I should head home.” Gaara cleared his throat and stood up quickly. He glanced over his shoulder at the other. “You have work tomorrow; I don’t want to keep you from whatever night time routine you have.”
It was an easy excuse to try and avoid any more awkward conversation and, luckily, Naruto didn’t argue. He stood up as well, nodding. “Yeah, sure. Let me walk you out so Mom and Dad don’t try to stop you or anything.”
The two of them made their way down the stairs, hearing Minato and Kushina’s cheery voices from the kitchen. Naruto led him to the front door and opened it, eyes widening a little. “Oh, shit. It’s raining. You didn’t drive here?”
Gaara peered around Naruto, watching the light sprinkling of raindrops hitting the sidewalk. “It’s just sprinkling. And no, I walked. I’ll be fine.”
“What? You’re not even wearing a sweater!” Naruto scoffed, shoving Gaara backwards with one hand. “Stay right here.”
Gaara was ready to argue but Naruto was already hurrying up the stairs, vanishing from sight. Gaara rolled his eyes, looking out towards the rain beyond the front porch. He didn’t mind the rain. He didn’t particularly like it and having wet hair or water seeping into his shoes was a sensory nightmare, but other than that he didn’t mind it much. It was nice to listen to at night, especially when he was trying to sleep. He certainly wouldn’t have minded walking home in the light rainfall that was going on right now. His house was only a few streets away, after all.
Naruto came rushing back down the stairs, thrusting a sweater into Gaara’s surprised hands. The sweater was orange and hideous, which wasn’t surprising, but it was soft in his hands. He squeezed it for a second and looked back at Naruto, head cocked to the side curiously. “What’s this for?”
“To wear on your way home.” Naruto stated, his tone implying that not only was that supposed to be obvious but that he was trying hard to pretend this was a casual thing for them and not entirely weird. It was weird, of course. Naruto and Gaara being this kind to each other would have been laughable only a few weeks ago. “Just wear it, alright? It’s cold.”
It would have felt rude to refuse. Gaara pulled on the sweater and zipped it up, dreading the orange color but welcoming the warmth that immediately washed over him. He pulled the hood up over his hair and stepped out the front door, onto the porch. He paused and turned back to look at Naruto, shoving his hands into the pockets of the sweater. “Thanks. If I made this evening weird…sorry.”
Naruto leaned in the doorway a little, shaking his head. “You didn’t. Seriously, don’t worry about it.” He sounded genuine. That was the worst thing about him, Gaara was starting to find out. He was always genuine. “Get home safe, yeah?”
For a moment neither of them said anything. They stared at each other, the sounds of Naruto’s parents’ voices trickling out to the porch from the kitchen. Again, it was like something between the two of them had shifted. Naruto was now incredibly aware of a very intimate and private part of Gaara, something that had been kept close to his heart. It felt like Gaara had gutted himself open there in Naruto’s room, leaving all the bloody and sick pieces of himself scattered on the floor for Naruto to do as he pleased with.
Gaara hated it. It made him sick to his stomach because he knew what would come next. Naruto would treat him differently, he just knew it in his gut. Naruto would feel bad for him, would pity him, and would treat him like he was something weak. Gaara wasn’t weak. He and Naruto were equals in strength and had proven it again and again over the years.
Gaara wasn’t weak and he didn’t want to be seen as such. He never should have said anything but…he needed to. Dropping a bomb like that at the table in front of Naruto’s parents was just cruel. But now Gaara felt conflicted and wished he could take it all back.
Gaara nodded stiffly. “Yeah.” He turned and hurried down the porch, into the rain before either of them could say anything else.
The walk home was quiet. They lived in a pretty quiet neighborhood, both his street and Naruto’s both fairly quiet with very little traffic coming through. The rain stayed at a steady sprinkling which he was thankful for and, as much as it made him scowl to himself, he was a lot warmer with Naruto’s sweater.
When he got home and walked through the front door his siblings were in the living room, watching Tv on the couch. Shukaku was there too, nestled into Temari’s lap, but his head shot up when Gaara walked through the door. The cat meowed loudly, leaping out of Temari’s lap and rushing over to Gaara. Gaara kicked his shoes off and smiled slightly as he scooped the cat up, pressing a kiss to his head. “Hey, Shuu.” He glanced at his siblings. “Hey.”
“How’d it go?” Temari asked curiously, sitting up a bit straighter on the couch.
Of course he had told Temari and Kankuro about meeting Naruto’s parents. His siblings had to be just as convinced as everyone else.
Gaara shrugged and shuffled over, sitting down between the two of them on the couch. Shukaku instantly curled up in his lap and Gaara gently scratched his ear. “It went well, I think. They seemed okay with me.”
“That’s good.” Kankuro offered lightly, holding up a bowl of pretzels towards Gaara. Gaara snagged one and Kankuro smiled a bit. “We told you not to worry. Glad it went well.”
“Me, too.” Gaara shoved the pretzel into his mouth, chewing slowly.
“I don’t remember you owning anything orange.” Temari pinched at the arm of the sweater, making Gaara huff a bit at her. She smirked a little, amused. “Did Naruto give this to you so you didn’t get cold on your way home?”
“Aww, how romantic.” Kankuro snickered, trying and failing to hide his smirk with his hand.
Gaara felt his face grow hot and he swatted Temari’s hand away from his arm. “Yes. It was a nice gesture.”
“Look at our little brother,” Temari peered around Gaara to shoot a playful smile at Kankuro. “He’s got himself a boyfriend that gives him sweaters to keep warm. Who would have thought our prickly baby brother would find someone so thoughtful?”
They were teasing him and Gaara knew it. He didn’t actually hate it, though it was a little embarrassing. He rolled his eyes, because he had to keep up the exasperated youngest sibling act as much as he could, before shaking his head. “You two are ridiculous. Kiba and Shikamaru have both done the same for you.
“Well, yeah, it’s just…” Kankuro hesitated, his playful expression turning a little more serious as he met Gaara’s gaze. His smile softened. “We’re happy for you, Gaara. A little…worried still because it’s Naruto but we’re happy for you. You deserve someone that looks out for you like that.”
Gaara’s heart ached a bit. He really hated lying to his siblings. It was even worse when they looked at him the way they were now, with such adoration and pride. He knew they loved him. He loved them, too. He loved them so much. But he felt like shit for lying to them about this.
He averted his gaze, looking towards the Tv. “...I told Naruto about Dad.”
All at once the atmosphere shifted and Gaara felt the way both of them stiffened at his side. There wasn’t really any way to bring it up that wouldn’t ruin the mood as it was and Gaara kinda wanted to talk about it. Kinda needed to.
“How did that go?” Temari asked, her voice sounding as casual as she could make it sound without it seeming overly forced. She shifted a little bit, crossing her arms over her chest. She was pretending to be casual and that was alright; Gaara already knew how his siblings felt about their dad.
“It…went okay?” Gaara offered, frowning at the Tv, one hand stroking Shukaku’s fur. “I mean, how is something like that even supposed to go?”
“Fair enough.” Kankuro chuckled a little bit, his hand patting Gaara’s leg briefly, a comforting gesture he did quite often. “I mean, I told Kiba before he and I started dating. Kinda just blurted it out and it felt so weird and…sorta bad but it went well, despite how bad I felt doing it.”
“...Me, too.” Temari added after a moment, her voice quiet. “Shikamaru had sort of already had a suspicion just from watching how the three of us act and everything but…saying it out loud felt weird. I felt really crappy about it but it went alright. I’m glad it went alright for you, Gaara.” She leaned into Gaara a little bit, laying her head on his shoulder and Gaara felt her relax as he leaned into her as well. “Must have sucked bringing it up, though. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Gaara murmured softly. He wasn’t sure what to say. He still felt terrible about Naruto knowing but there was no way to explain it without outing their entire situation. He’d have to deal with it, he supposed, just like he dealt with everything else.
The anxiety was easing in the presence of his brother and sister, though. They always made things feel better just by being around and he loved that about them.
The purring cat in his lap sure helped, too.
Chapter 4
Notes:
Whew. Been a rough one. My area of the American PNW got hit with a blizzard that we weren't built to deal with, so I had no power for a while. also got very very sick, which sucked. So I'm behind on my progress with this fic but I've had this chapter ready a bit.
I had a very hard time writing this chapter and I have no idea why. I hope you enjoy and, as always, thank you so much for reading.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Friday, November 17th, 3:15 p.m.
Naruto loved his job. He loved working with kids, even if they were tiring and could run his patience thin. He loved being a positive adult role model; it was nice. Today, however, his wonderful job was wearing him a little too thin, but the blame wasn’t on the children or even his coworkers.
The blame was on Gaara.
Gaara had been avoiding him. Naruto knew this because they hadn’t spoken since the dinner at Naruto’s back on Saturday and today was Friday, basically an entire week since they had last spoken. Naruto had sent texts. Way more than he should have, sure, but nowhere near the amount his anxiety was screaming at him to send. Naruto hated being ignored; it made his skin feel like it was on fire and made him start acting in ways he really didn’t want to. He had problems, yes. He was well aware of his anxiety and abandonment issues and he was working on how to deal with them. It was just hard when the guy he hated- used to hate?-started ignoring him after a particularly open and honest conversation between the two of them.
Naruto hadn’t expected Gaara to tell him about his dad. Naruto also hadn’t expected the wave of guilt that had slammed into him after the revelation, a wave of guilt that left him chilled to the bone and feeling fidgety. It was uncomfortable enough to hear it but to consider that, all this time, Naruto had never known any of it. The rumors had circled their school for a few weeks and Naruto had brushed them aside with such ease, like it hadn’t been absolutely earth shattering news. He had wanted to feel validated in hating Gaara so much that he refused to believe something so terrible.
Naruto sort of felt like a terrible person right now and Gaara ignoring him was not helping in the slightest.
Naruto glanced at his phone for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon. His chat history with Gaara remained the same; a wall of messages from Naruto from the last few days that was met with no response. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, a scowl on his face as he felt that familiar itch under his skin. He wanted to drop everything and just call Gaara until he caved in and answered him. He had the patience for it, believe it or not, and he’d do it if he wasn’t so put off by the idea of Gaara knowing just how far his anxieties went.
The less tender information about him that Gaara knew the better. Or at least he was trying to keep it that way which he knew was a bit unfair considering what he knew about Gaara’s father.
“You’ve been out of it today.” Kurenai came back into the playroom of their preschool class, scooping up some stuffed animals off the floor. Naruto was on playroom cleaning duty while Kurenai and the others saw the kids and their parents off, but Naruto was slacking. His mind was elsewhere.
Naruto sighed and continued the task he had been doing before he stopped to check his phone; scrubbing down the coloring table with a disinfectant wipe. “Have I?”
“Oh, yeah.” The woman dumped the stuffed animals in one of the various toy boxes, closing it. “Is everything alright?”
Naruto frowned at the table as he scrubbed it, watching the remnants of old marker ink vanish with each scrub. “I dunno…boy trouble, I guess.” Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie.
Kurenai made a sympathetic sound. “Yeah, boys will cause you trouble.” She chuckled softly, grabbing a few more toys off the floor. Man, playtime had been crazier than Naruto remembered. “Need me to go rough him up or anything?” She asked, shooting him a playful wink.
Naruto laughed a little bit despite the awful feeling in his gut. He loved Kurenai. She’d become a second mother figure from the day he started working at the preschool and he was so thankful for that. She had put up with him when he was new and awkward and unsure of himself and she had been a key component in Naruto really finding his footing when it came to working with kids. She was just great. Kurenai was amazing.
“Nah, thanks though.” He smiled a little, tossing the disinfectant wipe into a trash bin before pushing the tiny chairs in at the little table. “It’ll pass.”
Would it pass? What if Gaara was furious with him now? What if Naruto had somehow given Gaara a whole new bag of reasons to hate him and the next time they saw each other they’d end up in a fist fight? What was he going to tell his parents? What was he going to tell Sasuke?
Why did he care so much?
Naruto knew the exact person he wanted to talk to with his thoughts racing like they were.
He looked back at Kurenai, biting his lip. “Hey, I know I’m supposed to finish cleaning the playroom before I go but-”
“Go ahead.” Kurenai waved a dismissive hand, smiling softly at him. “Get out of here. I’ll finish cleaning here.”
God, Naruto loved that woman. “Thanks, Kurenai. See you on Monday.” He gave her a warm smile and a quick wave, gathering his things from their little staff room before hurrying to his car.
His location wasn’t too far away from his own house, just a street over. The drive was quick and Naruto drove with his radio as loud as he could tolerate it, hoping it would drown out the thoughts in his head.
It did not work but he liked to think that it was the thought that counted. Maybe.
Iruka’s house made him feel calmer the moment he pulled into the driveway. He shut the car off and took a moment to breathe before he got out and jogged up to the front door, knocking three times. There was an instant chorus of barking and Naruto fought back a small snort, already picturing Iruka’s exaggerated eye roll at the sound. The door swung open a moment later and Iruka blinked in surprise at Naruto before a brilliantly bright smile formed on his lips. “Hey, Naruto! Come in.”
Iruka had been Naruto’s teacher in the fourth grade. Well, more like Iruka had been an assistant teacher at the time, but still a teacher. He’d been the only teacher Naruto had ever had up till that point to instantly realize that Naruto’s brain worked differently and that he didn’t learn the same way the other kids did. Iruka had spent a lot of time working with Naruto alone, helping him find fun and helpful ways to learn the material so he didn’t fall behind. Every teacher Naruto had before Iruka had never been so open to the idea of helping him. He’d been seen as disruptive and loud, told he didn’t know how to behave and how to sit still. He’d been so used to adults being fed up with him that when Iruka came along, Naruto had been absolutely stunned.
It had also been Iruka who had suggested the possibility of him having ADHD to his parents. Kushina and Minato had always defended Naruto from the cruelty of his past teachers but even they had suspected there was something they weren’t seeing. It was Iruka who suggested it and it had been Iruka that had been Naruto’s own personal tutor ever since then.
Iruka had become a close family friend and someone that Naruto viewed as a second father figure. For a lot of things, Iruka was the first person Naruto ran to.
Naruto made his way inside and was instantly met by the curious, happy noses of several dogs, both big and small. He chuckled and petted a few of the dogs, following Iruka to the kitchen. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be home yet.”
“School let out early today.” Iruka replied over his shoulder. He gestured to the kitchen table. “Go ahead and sit; I was just making a snack. You feeling up to some sliced apples and peanut butter?”
“Oh yeah, always.” Naruto grinned as he plopped down in one of the chairs.
The kitchen was huge, with beautiful polished, white countertops that were lined with all the best kitchen machinery. Iruka’s husband only bought the best, after all. “Is Kakashi not here?”
“No, Pakkun and a few of the other dogs had some vet appointments.” Iruka replied, reaching into a tall cabinet for a jar of peanut butter. “He’ll probably be back in a few hours; he’s stopping by the grocery store on his way home.”
Darn. Pakkun was Naruto’s favorite.
Iruka made his way to the table a couple of minutes later, sitting down across from Naruto and sliding a plate of apple slices his way. He set a small dish of peanut butter in the center of the table, scooping up an apple slice and dipping it in. “So, what’s up? Usually you give a heads up when you’re stopping by.” He bit into the apple with a satisfying crunch. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” Naruto picked up a slice and frowned a bit at it. He sighed. “Okay, no. Not really.” He admitted with a defeated sigh, taking a bite of the apple and savoring the satisfying crunch himself. “Do you remember that guy I always complained about? Gaara?”
“The guy you were always getting into fights with in school?” Iruka raised an eyebrow, curious. “Yeah, I remember. He’s still pretty active in your little social circle and all that. Why?”
“Well, he and I are dating.” Naruto had to fight back the almost instinctive wince that came with the words. While he hated lying to his parents there was a special kind of guilt that came with lying to Iruka. He glanced down at the apple in his hand before sparing a look at Iruka, relieved to see no surprise on the man’s face but a more thoughtful expression instead.
“Dating, huh?” Iruka nodded slowly, finishing his apple slice before leaning back in his chair a little. He smiled softly. “Well, that’s great. You guys learned to put your differences aside and what not. Congrats.”
Naruto gave him a sideways smile, shrugging his shoulders. He dipped what remained of his apple slice into the peanut butter and popped it into his mouth. “I guess so, yeah.” He chewed the apple slowly, savoring it before he spoke up again. “We just…well, something happened and it’s really making me feel…not great.”
Iruka’s smile faded away in an instant and he frowned, leaning forward a little bit. “What do you mean?” He asked him softly.
Naruto hesitated, unsure how to word it. It wasn’t exactly his place to spill Gaara’s secrets to other people, even if it was Iruka. But he’d have to, at least a little, for it to make even a little bit of sense. “He…he told me about his dad…and his dad wasn’t a very…nice guy.” He said slowly, hoping Iruka would catch on.
Iruka, bless his heart, caught on right away. His expression softened to something sympathetic, and he nodded slowly. “Oh…gotcha.” He replied softly. He reached for another apple and took a bite. “And now you feel bad?”
“Not from that.” Naruto assured him before pausing, thinking it over. He let out a small huff. “Okay, yeah, that information alone makes me feel pretty bad. But he hasn’t been talking to me since he told me and that was last weekend. I’ve been texting him…a lot. Like, an unhealthy amount of texting but still not as much as I want to. You know how I am. He just…hasn't responded to me. I don’t know if he’s upset that I know or if he felt like maybe I pressured him into telling me. I…I keep worrying that he’s just going to cut off contact with me for good and leave.”
It freaked him out how true his words were. He genuinely was worried that Gaara would ghost him and that would be the end of things. He hated that he was worried about it because worries like that were supposed to be for people that he actually cared about. If he cared about Gaara then what the hell did that mean?
“Naruto,” Iruka’s voice was calm, the same sort of soothing tone Naruto had heard from him for over a decade. “Do you remember when you and Sasuke were going through all that fighting and stuff?”
“I wish I didn’t but yes.” Naruto muttered, propping his chin in his hand and scowling softly.
“And do you remember when you told me?” Iruka propped gently. “Remember how embarrassed you were? How ashamed you felt?”
Naruto remembered that very clearly. He’d felt disgustingly small when he’d confided in Iruka about fighting with Sasuke. He’d felt embarrassed to have to admit that his relationship was failing, that he wasn’t enough to help patch up every shattered piece of Sasuke that had ripped them apart. He’d felt like he should have been able to handle it alone. He felt that, by admitting what was wrong, he was laying bare all he was lacking and all that he should have been.
Naruto nodded slowly. “...I remember.”
“Maybe Gaara is in the same boat.” Iruka offered gently. When Naruto cocked his head, curious, Iruka shrugged. “I mean, it can be really hard to tell people things about your past, especially if those things hurt you. Maybe he just feels embarrassed or maybe talking about it really messed with him. I highly doubt it was anything you did, Naruto. Sometimes telling people about the things that hurt us feels…really bad. He might just be feeling bad and trying to cope with it however he can.”
It actually made sense and Naruto felt a little stupid for not thinking about it like that. Iruka was absolutely right; talking about the things that hurt sucked. It was embarrassing to look and feel weak in front of people, and it must have been even harder to feel that way in front of someone you hated. “...Maybe you’re right.”
“You should talk to him.” Iruka insisted gently. “I don’t mean text him until you scare yourself into a panic attack like I know you do, either.” He added firmly, making Naruto pout just a little. Iruka knew him far too well. “I mean talk to him in person. Hard conversations were better in person.”
Naruto knew Iruka was the best choice for this conversation. Iruka was a good neutral party, despite his affection for Naruto. He could view situations from both sides and usually was really good at helping Naruto understand the sides he didn’t grasp easily. He was really glad he had come by.
The apples and peanut butter were a good bonus, too.
6:00 p.m .
Naruto stood in front of Gaara’s front door, hand raised to knock. He’d been standing like that for at least a solid five minutes, trying to knock but unable to will himself to do it. He was nervous. He could feel his heart hammering away in his chest and his stomach felt uneasy, like he’d throw up if one thing went wrong.
Just because Iruka had talked sense into him didn’t mean his anxiety had vanished. He had driven to Gaara’s after spending more time with Iruka, fully expecting to knock on the door and have a serious conversation with Gaara. In his head it had seemed far less intimidating. What if Gaara saw it was him and told him to leave? What if Gaara got angry he came over?
He shook away those thoughts, trying to calm himself down a little. No, he’d do this even if Gaara was angry with him. Even if they got into a fight, fighting was better than cold silence.
He knocked on the door three rapid times before letting his arm fall to his side.
The door opened quicker than he thought and suddenly Gaara was blinking at him from the doorway. Naruto blinked back at him, looking him over for any signs of anger. There were none, of course. Just confusion. Gaara was dressed in black sweats and the same sweater Naruto had given him the previous weekend, his hair a mess as if he hadn’t taken the time to brush it all day.
They stared at each other for a solid minute in silence before Gaara slowly held the door open wider. “Do you want to come inside?”
God, Naruto really wanted to come inside. He hurried in, closing the door behind himself. He glanced around, finally getting a look at the living room for the first time. It was pretty big, actually, with two large couches and a big Tv mounted on the wall. There was a coffee table in the center of the room, close to the couch up against the wall, and on said couch were blankets and a sketchbook. Gaara’s sketchbook, he figured, that he used to work on client designs. There was some sort of movie on the Tv, nothing scary from what he could tell. He caught sight of some pictures on the walls and, from where he stood, he could tell that they were pictures of Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara. It was all so…mundane.
“Naruto.” Gaara’s voice drew his attention back to him. Gaara was standing next to him, confusion written all over his face. “Why did you come over?”
Naruto hesitated. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all week, dude. What else was I supposed to do?”
Gaara glanced away from him and brought a hand up to run his fingers through his messy hair. “It isn’t that big of a deal.”
“Yes, it is.” Naruto frowned a little bit and crossed his arms. “Dude, you can’t just ghost people out of nowhere. What was I supposed to think?”
Gaara glanced at him again, hand falling down to his side. “...I made you anxious.”
“Uh, yeah, you really fucking did.” Naruto let his irritation slip out even though he didn’t want to. He couldn’t help it; his nerves felt shot. He’d been anxious for so long that now that he was face to face with Gaara, all he could feel was irritation. “I don’t like being ignored. Okay? I literally was fighting the urge to call you over and over every day until you answered like some toxic boyfriend. You can’t ignore me like that, Gaara. Okay? You can’t . It drives me insane and I don’t like feeling like that.”
He hated this. He really, really hated this. Gaara was the last person Naruto had ever expected to beg for attention from.
“I…” Gaara stopped himself with a sigh, both of his hands coming up to rub at his face. He trudged towards the couch and sat down heavily, gesturing to the empty space beside him for Naruto to sit down, too. Naruto sat down, leaving enough space between the two of them and he watched Gaara, waiting.
“I…felt bad for telling you about my father.” Gaara said quietly, hands in his lap. He didn’t look at Naruto, instead opting to stare towards the Tv. “I guess I was a little embarrassed but I was…angry at myself for saying anything. It wasn’t important and…I was never supposed to tell you, of all people. I felt like I looked weak. Like…by admitting what I dealt with I was admitting that I was weak and pathetic. I still feel pathetic when I think about my father and what he did to us. To…me.”
He finally looked at Naruto, a frown on his lips. He looked tired, more tired than usual. He looked like he’d been feeling just as bad as Naruto had this whole week. “I didn’t know how to talk to you. My head was…all over the place. Talking about it isn’t easy and knowing that you, of all people, knew all of that information about me made me feel terrible. I’m…sorry. For causing you stress. I just wasn’t sure how to talk to you without being so angry at myself.”
Naruto’s irritation washed away, replaced by a deep understanding. Iruka had been right; Gaara was embarrassed and, worse, felt weak by admitting to the trauma he had no control over. It was insane to think about Gaara as weak. This was the same guy Naruto had gotten beaten up in the halls by. The same guy Naruto had beaten up on the football field. This was the same guy that had dealt with all of Naruto’s nonsense in highschool along with the abuse and torment of his father. Weak? How the hell was he weak?
“Gaara…” Naruto fought the urge to reach out, to hold Gaara’s hand. What a bizarre thought; it made him frown but he shook it off quickly. Gaara looked miserable right now and Naruto desperately wished he knew what the other was thinking.
He didn’t want Gaara to feel weak. Not because of his shitty dad, at least. Not because he thought Naruto would find him pathetic for what happened to him.
Naruto sighed loudly and fell back into the couch, looking down at his own lap. “...Gaara, did Sasuke ever tell you about how and why our relationship fell apart?”
This wasn’t something Naruto liked to talk about with anyone and it certainly wasn’t something he was going to enjoy talking about with Gaara, either. However, he recognized Gaara’s internal struggle, the shame that came with feeling weak in front of someone you didn’t ever want to appear weak in front of. He could recognize the strength that it took to talk about something that painful and, honestly, he sort of felt like they needed to be on somewhat even footing with each other. Even if it meant Naruto, too, had to bring up something he never talked about.
“He hasn’t gone into detail, no.” Gaara answered after a moment. Naruto glanced over at him, a little thankful that even Gaara looked unsure about the trajectory of their conversation. “I have a vague idea. He’s mentioned that he didn’t treat you very well and that the two of you fought a lot. Mostly, he’s just told me about how bad he felt about how everything ended but…that’s it.”
Naruto wasn’t that surprised. Sasuke carried an enormous amount of guilt for what happened, guilt that was probably supposed to be there but Naruto felt bad about it anyway. He was sure Sasuke hadn’t told many people, save for Itachi and maybe Suigetsu, about the rollercoaster their relationship had become.
“Well, he and I started dating in highschool. During the last two years.” Naruto began slowly, clearing his throat. Man, he hated talking about this. “It was good at first. A typical highschool relationship. We bickered and stuff but that’s normal. But then his parents died.”
Sasuke’s parents had died after they graduated, right when Sasuke was preparing to start college. It had thrown Sasuke and Itachi’s lives into disarray and it hadn’t been easy for anyone else that were close to them, either.
“I remember that.” Gaara murmured, leaning back into the couch as well.
Naruto nodded a little bit. “He…changed after that. Which, yeah, of course he would; his parents died. I wouldn’t have expected him not to change but…the way he was with me changed. And…I didn’t know what to do. I tried to be there for him in any way that I could and I thought it was working but then, after the funeral, he just…vanished. He stopped answering my calls and texts. He wouldn’t see me when I drove over to see him. He just…wouldn’t communicate with me.” He hated that. He’d spent days in his room, brain filled with the worst thoughts imaginable while he tried to tell himself that Sasuke just needed space. “I just let him have some time, you know? What else could I do? Eventually, after two or three weeks, he just…appeared again and we were fine. I thought we’d stay fine. I…thought that I could help him through whatever else came up, that if anything, my presence in his life would help him feel less alone in all of it.”
It was all he knew how to do. He and Sasuke had managed and it had almost felt normal again. Almost.
“It was weird how it started.” Naruto laughed a little despite the heavy feeling in his chest. “It was like some days he’d wake up ready to start a fight. We’d fight about everything. Stupid shit that didn’t need to be a fight. It was just like he…like he-”
“He was angry and needed somewhere to direct it.” Gaara finished quietly.
Of course Gaara would understand that.
“Yeah,” Naruto frowned softly. “After a while he’d stop talking to me when we’d get into fights. He’d stop answering my calls and texts. I mean, one time we had this fight right before Christmas, I don’t even remember what it was about, but he blocked me on everything. I had no way to get a hold of them. Then a week later he came back apologizing and telling me he didn’t even know why he did it.” Naruto knew why and he knew why back then, too. Sasuke was hurting, dealing with a gaping wound where his parents had once been and he had no real idea how to deal with it. Naruto had been an easy target. Naruto would later find out that Sasuke and Itachi had been fighting even worse, but he wouldn’t know that until his and Sasuke’s relationship had fizzled out entirely.
“It got to the point where we were both picking fights.” Naruto admitted. “I’d pick fights because I was angry that he wasn’t talking to me or because he never seemed enthusiastic about doing things with me. He’d pick fights because it was the only way he knew how to cope. We never told anyone but we must have broken up three or four times in the years between his parents dying and us actually breaking up for real. It was just always back and forth, talking and not talking. It made me so anxious all the time. I was worried I was doing something wrong. I was worried I’d say the wrong thing. I was worried I’d wake up one day and he’d block me again because he was having a hard week dealing.” He hated admitting that he, too, hadn’t been his best self. He’d come to understand that it was his only way to cope, too, even if it wasn’t ideal.
“It got to the point where every time he’d start ignoring me, I’d start calling and texting him nonstop. Like how I was spam texting you but worse. So much worse.” Naruto had always felt bad about the sort of person he had become during that time. He’d been desperate for Sasuke to respond to him even if it was with anger. He just wanted a reply, anything at all that told him Sasuke didn’t up and leave him for good just yet. “It was just such a mess, honestly. I was so scared he was going to leave me and it wasn’t good for either of us.”
“I can see that.” Gaara didn’t sound sarcastic like maybe Naruto expected him to. He sounded sort of thoughtful; Naruto wished he knew what he was thinking. “Who broke up with who? Sasuke had told me that it was a mutual break up.”
“I guess it was in a way.” Naruto shrugged a little bit as he turned to face Gaara a little more. “He broke up with me but at that point I was pretty close to leaving him anyways. We talked a lot about it when he finally said he wanted to break up. We both agreed that we weren’t doing any good forcing ourselves to stay together. He needed to work on a lot and he felt really bad about everything he did to me. I…had a lot to work on after that, too. I’m still really anxious, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.” He offered a dry sort of smirk that Gaara didn’t return. “I hate saying it but I’m scared of being abandoned. I know it’s been a few years but those sorts of things don’t just clear up overnight.”
Gaara nodded slowly, looking back towards the Tv. Naruto couldn’t exactly identify the look on the other’s face; he had always sort of hated that about Gaara. Unless he was angry, you couldn’t usually tell what he was thinking or what mood he was in by looking at his face.
“I’m sorry that I triggered your anxiety.” Gaara didn’t need to apologize, not really. But Naruto let him because maybe it was just something Gaara felt the need to do anyways. “You didn’t have to share all of that with me but it explains some things.”
Naruto chuckled softly. “Well, what you told me last weekend explained some things, too.” He offered softly. He nudged Gaara’s foot with his own, drawing Gaara’s attention back to him. “Now we’re even; we both brought up something we hate talking about. So, if you feel weak or whatever, then I am, too.”
Gaara, to Naruto’s surprise, laughed quietly. It was a quick laugh, more like a scoff or chuckle, but the sound of it eased the tension a little bit. Gaara nodded a little. “We’re even, then.” He agreed. “Thank you for telling me…for…trusting me, I guess?”
“Don’t get carried away now.” Naruto snorted, desperately hoping they’d finally gotten past the weirdness of it all and could be mostly normal, now. He even shot Gaara a small glare, though he knew it wasn’t intimidating or convincing. “Trust is a strong word. I was just putting us on even ground so you’d stop ignoring me. Unless you want to keep ignoring me and see just how awful I can get.”
“No thank you.” Gaara scoffed with a shake of his head. He glanced towards the Tv and then back at Naruto. “Do you want to stay a while?”
Naruto couldn’t really think of anything else he had to do so why the hell not? “Sure.” He shrugged his shoulders a bit. “I talked to Sasuke the other day. He and Suigetsu want us to come over tomorrow, you know.”
“I know.” Gaara replied, pulling a blanket over himself. “I saw the text you sent about it the other day. I…” He had the decency to look sheepish now, the bastard. “I was going to text you back about it. Probably.”
Naruto highly doubted that. “Well, I told him we’d go. He’s super excited about it, you know.” He reached for a blanket too, wrapping it around himself. “Do you work tomorrow?”
“No, but I have some errands to run with my brother and sister.” Gaara told him. “I can meet you there, though, if that’s alright. You’ll probably be free sooner than I will and I don’t want to make you wait.”
“Yeah, sure.” Naruto assured with another shrug. “I can meet you there.”
He was sort of hoping Gaara would turn down the invitation. Sasuke had been fairly docile when it came to Naruto and Gaara dating and that sort of scared him. Being in his house with him, under his watchful gaze, it would be easier for him to see anything that seemed off between the two of them. Sasuke knew how Naruto was in relationships; he knew how physical Naruto got and he’d sure as hell catch if Gaara was weird about it. “About being at Sasuke’s-”
“Meoooowwwwww.”
It was probably the ugliest meow he’d ever heard in his life. Naruto sat up straight and jerked his head towards the noise, eyeing the biggest cat he’d ever seen sitting in what looked to be the doorway to the kitchen. Naruto raised an eyebrow as the cat caught his eye and hissed in his direction. “You have a cat?”
“That’s Shukaku.” Gaara stood up and made his way over, scooping the large cat up into his arms like he didn’t weigh a thing. The cat wriggled around in his arms for a moment before calming down and, even from the couch across the room Naruto could hear it purr loudly. It was sort of comical seeing Gaara holding the giant cat. Naruto hadn’t exactly expected him to be the type to have a pet, let alone a cat.
“That’s so weird,” He was saying before he could stop himself. “You have an actual cat. I mean, you always sorta seemed like the kind of guy that like…you know, did the whole serial killer thing with cats. Skinning them in your backyard and whatever.”
Gaara’s eyes widened, mouth opening and then closing in an obvious show of shock. He huffed a moment later and walked back to the couch, sitting down and placing Shukaku in his lap. He shot Naruto a small glare. “That might actually be the meanest thing you’ve said about me. Like…ever, actually.”
Naruto snickered a little bit. “Sorry, man. That’s just the vibe you’ve always given me. You definitely don’t strike me as a cat guy. Maybe a snake guy or even a lizard but a cat? That totally took me by surprise.”
“I do like snakes.” Gaara replied, his hand stroking down the cat's back. “I don't like having to feed them rodents, though. But I like animals in general.” He shot Naruto another small glare, though it was more annoyed looking than actually angry. “I would never skin a cat, Naruto.”
“I was wrong! I apologized!” Naruto scoffed. He glanced at the cat in Gaara’s lap, Shukaku, and after a moment he reached out a hand to pet him. “He’s a little funky looking-HEY!”
Naruto yanked his hand away as Shukaku swatted at him, hissing. Gaara snorted loudly and gently stroked the cat’s back again. “He took offense to that.”
Naruto rolled his eyes, eyeing the cat wearily, and Shukaku glared at him right back. “That’s definitely your cat, alright. Even has the same glare as you.” It made him laugh a little bit though, despite having almost gotten his hand scratched off by the behemoth of a cat.
“Don’t take it personally.” Gaara tugged Shukaku a little closer to himself, drawing the cat’s attention away from Naruto. “He hates everyone. You should see him with Kiba; he really hates Kiba.”
“Well yeah, Kiba reeks like his dog, probably.” Naruto wasn’t too put off by the cat not liking him. Cat’s took time to earn their trust, usually, and Naruto would respect Shukaku’s need for space. That being said, it did still sort of strike him as funny to watch Gaara stroke the cat’s back so carefully, like he’d break if he wasn’t careful. He may not have thought of Gaara as an animal lover but the more he watched Gaara smile down at the cat in his lap, the more it made sense.
“You were saying something before,” Gaara looked over at him again, head tilted to the side a little bit. Naruto blinked at him in confusion and Gaara rolled his eyes. “Before Shukaku cut you off. You were saying something about us being at Sasuke’s?”
“Oh.” Right. Naruto had been going somewhere before Shukaku had made his presence known. He hesitated and glanced down at his lap, picking at the blanket he had grabbed, unsure how his words would be taken. “We’ve sorta talked about this before. About needing to practice being comfortable touching each other.”
“Oh. Yes, we did talk about that.” Luckily, Gaara didn’t sound angry. He didn’t exactly sound thrilled but him not being angry was the main goal. He sounded apprehensive and Naruto could respect that. “We hold hands pretty well.”
Naruto looked up in surprise, scoffing softly. “Well…yeah, we do. But Sasuke’s going to be expecting a little bit…more.”
Gaara hesitated, staring at Naruto with a small frown before sighing. “I wish I could argue.” He admitted. “Sasuke knows how I am with people and he normally wouldn’t be put off by my lack of physicality with someone. However…” He shot Naruto a pointed look that wasn’t mad, exactly, but did look a little annoyed. “Sasuke is also under the impression that we had sex. So if he thinks I was comfortable enough to sleep with you, then he’ll definitely wonder why we aren’t very physical together.”
That was exactly what Naruto figured. Sasuke knew them both too well and he knew how to spot anything that seemed odd. He’d know if Gaara was uncomfortable, too, which was why Naruto was sort of kicking himself for not pushing the issue more before. “Well…you were right. We hold hands well. But that morning at Sakura’s house when you sat in my lap you were stiff as a board, man. He’s gonna clock that. Hell, Suigetsu will probably see it also and he’ll definitely say something about it in the moment. At least Sasuke will wait to talk to one of us about it in private.”
Suigetsu was another problem he hadn’t thought about until now. Suigetsu wouldn’t hesitate to bring up their weird tension if he saw it because Suigetsu was just blunt like that. Sasuke had the decency to wait for a private moment but Suigetsu wouldn’t hesitate to bring it out in the open. Naruto both hated and respected that about him.
“What do you suggest we do then?” Gaara asked, sounding more resigned than angry. He knew it was important to keep up appearances even if he hated it. And boy, did he hate it.
Naruto, despite it all, felt his face heat up a bit. “We should probably be comfortable cuddling. Maybe kissing?”
Kissing was…a stretch. He wasn’t thrilled at the idea of kissing Gaara but it had been a while since he’d kissed anyone. Kissing was good and if he could just close his eyes and pretend he didn’t know who he was kissing…well, he wasn’t going to think too hard about that yet. He didn’t expect Gaara to want to do it and they could probably get away with not kissing in front of Sasuke. Hell, Sasuke had only started to kiss Suigetsu around people when they had already been dating for four or five months.
When Naruto spared a look in Gaara’s direction he wasn’t all that surprised to see that, despite the way a glare had formed on his face, Gaara was actually blushing. It wasn’t a subtle blush, either. His pale cheeks had taken on a hue of pink that Naruto hadn’t ever seen on him before. It startled a laugh out of him and he brought a hand up to cover his mouth. “I’m not laughing at you!”
“It sure feels like you are.” Gaara grunted, still glaring as if Naruto had insulted him to his face. Which…well, Naruto sort of had.
“Sorry, sorry.” Naruto shook his head quickly, dropping his hand back to his lap. “Just…ignoring the kissing part. We’ll come back to it. But cuddling is something we can work on.”
He was expecting Gaara to refuse. It wouldn’t have been very surprising. Neither of them had ever expected to be as close as they were now. Cuddling? That was even more outlandish to think about. Naruto was surprised, and perhaps a little weary, when Gaara gently scooped up Shukaku and set him on the ground. The cat shot Gaara a look of betrayal but was quick to saunter off, leaving Gaara to turn his body to face Naruto fully. “Okay.”
Naruto raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay?”
Gaara squeezed his eyes shut for a second, irritated. Naruto saw him take a deep breath, seemingly to calm himself, before he spoke again. “Cuddling. We can do it.”
Naruto glanced around the living room and gestured towards the couch they sat on. “Here?”
Gaara shrugged a little bit. “Both my brother and my sister won’t be home for a little while longer. It isn’t like they’ll see and even if they did…” He trailed off because Naruto already knew what he’d say.
Even if Temari or Kankuro did walk in on them cuddling, it would be fine. That was something that was supposed to happen.
Naruto nodded slowly, surprised he had gotten this far without much resistance from the other. “I’m kinda in shock that you’re not fighting me on this.”
“I want to.” Gaara told him with a scoff, crossing his arms and glancing aside. “But…I’ve also thought about this exact problem a few times. If we leave it up to me we’ll never practice and I;ll probably blow the entire thing. No time better than the present anyway.”
Naruto still felt a little weary of it. All he could think about was that morning in Sakura’s house and how stiff Gaara had been when Naruto touched him. He thought about the truth about Gaara’s dad, too, and wondered how many gentle touches Gaara had ever been allowed as a child. He desperately wanted this plan to work, mainly so he didn’t look stupid if it didn’t, but he didn’t want to risk causing Gaara any serious mental harm. Hadn’t he done enough in their youth as it was?
And since when the hell did he care so damn much?
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Naruto found himself asking after what felt like forever. He bit his lip for a moment. “I mean, considering…everything.”
Something in Gaara’s expression shifted. It was hardly noticeable, a slight narrowing of his gaze that told Naruto he must have said something wrong. “Is this about my dad? I told you that you’d think I was weak-”
“I don’t think that.” Naruto cut off quickly, his voice a little louder than necessary. “That’s the last thing I’d think. I just…I don’t know, I don’t want to make you feel bad or something.”
Gaara was still glaring at him and Naruto was at a loss. Gaara didn’t want to be weak and Naruto didn’t think he was. But Naruto wanting to be gentle with Gaara's feelings must have come across as him thinking of Gaara as fragile and…ugh. This guy was a mess of emotions all the time, wasn’t he? Naruto rubbed at his face, calming himself. “Would you rather I pretend I know nothing for a few minutes?”
“Yes.” Gaara was moving suddenly and Naruto jerked back into the couch, startled. Naruto had seen that look on his face before back in school. It was the same look Gaara would have when he’d storm down the hallway towards him, planning to shove him into a wall. It was determined and it was irritated and it was a little intimidating but it wasn’t followed by Gaara’s fist colliding with his cheek at all. In fact, this might have been worse because instead of Gaara hitting him, Gaara was climbing into his lap, determined and awkward all at once. “Pretend we don’t know anything about each other for a second. Like if we had practiced this a few weeks ago.”
Had this been a few weeks ago they both would have been uncomfortable, sure, but unwilling to show that in front of each other. In fact, they would have pushed their own limits to try and outlast each other to prove who was better. That certainly would have been easier.
Gaara’s weight in his lap made Naruto’s face burn hot and he met Gaara’s glare with one of his own. “You’re so annoying, you know that? I was trying to be nice.”
“I’m aware.” Gaara muttered, one of his hands settling on Naruto’s arm, a light touch he barely felt. “That’s why I didn’t hit you.”
In his own way, Gaara was being nice as well, Naruto realized. Gaara was incredibly out of his element and had, as far as Naruto knew, very little experience in any sort of physical intimacy. This whole thing was uncomfortable and weird for him in ways it wasn’t for Naruto but he was reigning in his anger. He had crawled into Naruto’s lap, mortified, and insisted that they cuddle before he lost his nerve. This was him being as nice as he could with his emotions most likely all over the place.
Slowly, Naruto wrapped his arms around Gaara’s waist. Gaara stiffened, as expected, and his grip on Naruto’s arm tightened almost painfully. Naruto hissed a bit and met Gaara’s gaze. “You look like you’re trying to blow me up with your mind again.”
“Maybe I am.” Gaara mumbled, glancing aside. Their faces were painfully close now. “Should I put my arms around you or…?”
Man, he really was awkward. Naruto sort of wanted to make fun of him and that was mostly a reflex, something that popped into his head to try and avoid what he really thought about it; Gaara was sort of endearing like this. Cute, if he’d even dare to think that. “If you want to. It would look more believable if you did.”
Gaara looked like he was going to die. Hell, if you had told Naruto even a week ago that they’d be in this position he would have probably died. Slowly, though, his arms wound around Naruto and the action drew them closer, Gaara’s chin resting on Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto could actually feel Gaara’s rapidly beating heart, that’s how close they were, and Naruto…didn’t have anything to say. The both of them just sat there in each other's arms, silent save for the Tv still going in the background. Naruto honestly hadn’t expected to get anywhere with this whole “practice touching each other” idea. He’d been sure Gaara would throw him out and that would be the end of it. He also hadn’t expected this to feel so…comfortable.
“You’re cold.” Naruto murmured after a few long and silent minutes. “You don’t retain much body heat, do you?”
“Not really.” Gaara’s voice by his ear made Naruto jolt just a bit. “I don’t notice it.”
“I’m practically a walking heater.” Naruto chuckled a little bit, idly feeling the fabric of Gaara’s shirt with his fingers. Gaara had stopped feeling so stiff and was now sagging against him a bit, like all the tension in his body had finally vanished. “I’m always pretty warm no matter what.”
“That tracks with you.” Gaara…actually chuckled. It was a very quiet chuckle that Naruto almost didn’t hear but hey, it was something. Hopefully, it meant he was warming up to all of this.
Testing his luck, and Gaara’s limits, Naruto slowly slid his palms along the expanse of Gaara’s back, over the sweater- Naruto’s sweater -that he wore. Gaara stiffened instantly, which Naruto expected, and jerked his head back to shoot Naruto a look of panicked confusion. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Naruto didn’t move his hands away, keeping steady eye contact with him. “I’m helping you get used to me touching you. I’m not trying to seduce you or anything, Gaara.” As much as he hated it, though, it was really nice to be close to another person like this. There had been a few hook ups after he and Sasuke split, obviously, but nothing that had really clicked well enough with him. It had been a while, though, since he’d been this close to another person. Sure, it was Gaara and that was…weird. But it felt nice to have his weight against him.
Naruto liked to be physical, okay?
Gaara, to his credit, actually did seem to relax a moment later. He slowly laid his head back down, this time his forehead resting on Naruto’s shoulder. He stopped seeming so stiff and Naruto continued gently running his hands up and down Gaara’s clothed back. It was…sort of nice, really. Naruto thrived with physical contact and, considering Gaara wasn’t trying to kill him, he must have been enjoying it at least a little.
“You’re good at this.”
Gaara’s words made Naruto blink in surprise, tearing his gaze away from the Tv again. “At what? At cuddling?”
Gaara didn’t look up, his forehead still pressed into Naruto’s shoulder. “I…guess.” He mumbled. His arms weren’t around Naruto anymore but his hands were fisted in Naruto’s shirt. “I meant this whole…being physical thing in general. It’s like it comes naturally to you.”
“It does, I guess.” Naruto replied, hyper aware of Gaara’s fists clenching and unclenching in his shirt. Jeeze. Being this close to Gaara should not be making his body react this way. “I’m a really physically affectionate person in general so I’ve always sort of been a master at cuddling. Though it’s definitely been a while since I’ve been this close with another person. I…assume it’s been a while for you, too?”
He wasn’t exactly expecting a reply. Gaara had been pretty avid in avoiding talking about his past intimate affairs which was fine. Naruto didn’t really care that much about it beyond his normal limits of curiosity, but he was pretty sure Gaara wasn’t the type to just get all up and personal with people. Whatever his past experience, Naruto was sure that it had been quite some time.
“A few years.” Gaara’s answer surprised him a little. Gaara finally lifted his head, his expression…calm. Far calmer than Naruto expected but calm was sort of what he was going for when he had started running his hands up and down Gaara’s back. He sighed a little bit, cocking his head at Naruto a little bit. “It feels nice. What you’re doing, I mean. With your hands.”
Naruto couldn’t help it; he grinned brightly, making Gaara roll his eyes. “Wow, that was almost a compliment.”
“Don’t get used to it.” Gaara scoffed, though Naruto was close enough to see the very slight twitch of the corner of his mouth. An almost-smile. “It just…feels good, okay?”
Despite the fact that he clearly wasn’t mad and had, in some way, been a little amused by Naruto’s response, Gaara looked a little uneasy. Vulnerable, actually, in a way that Naruto wasn’t ever going to get used to. It almost felt a little too intimate of an emotion to see on the other’s face.
This was easier when they hated each other so much that they just fought all the time. It was easier when he didn’t know why Gaara was so angry as a teenager. It was easier when Gaara didn’t know what triggered Naruto’s anxiety so quickly. It was easier when Naruto wanted to punch him or shove him into a wall. It was easier before Naruto wondered just how long Gaara had gone without a gentle touch. It seemed so unfair. Everyone deserved to be treated gently by people from time to time, even people as prickly as Gaara. He tried to imagine Gaara as a child before they had met in highschool. A scared and angry child that had gone too long without the kindness every child deserved.
This was so much easier when Naruto was so sure that he hated Gaara. He did still hate him, didn’t he?
“Sasuke used to do this for me.” Naruto forced himself to speak, watching the way Gaara’s expression shifted ever so slightly. The uneasy quiver of his lips and the narrowing of his eyes calmed, turned softer. Naruto continued, unable to take his eyes off the slight changes to Gaara’s expression. “It was always really calming. I figured if…we had to get used to touching, I could at least make it pleasurable.”
Gaara’s eyes widened a fraction the moment Naruto caught the second meaning to his words. Naruto knew he was blushing a little bit and he cleared his throat. “Pleasurable in a calming way, I mean. Like, obviously I’m not trying to shove my hands up your shirt or whatever.” Now that he had said it, the idea wouldn’t leave his brain.
What the fuck?
Gaara nodded slowly, though Naruto saw the pink hue to his cheeks. “I…know what you meant.” He murmured, for once not taking his eyes off of Naruto, either.
It was all so weird. Naruto definitely blamed it on the lack of romantic action in his life, that was the only reason why he could have been so suddenly interested in Gaara right now. God, a few minutes with Gaara in his lap and Naruto was acting like they’d never beaten each other senseless in their high school hallways.
The two of them stared at each other, Naruto suddenly feeling entirely…not himself. His eyes drifted down to Gaara’s lips and his face burned hotter, his hands finally stopping in their journey along Gaara’s back. “Are you uh…feeling well practiced with touching each other yet?”
Gaara’s eyes widened slightly again and, damn him, he bit his lip in a way that made Naruto want to scream. That wasn’t supposed to be attractive. Gaara wasn’t supposed to be attractive.
“I’m comfortable with it, yes.” Gaara replied softly. “At least, I don’t think I’ll jolt if you touch me in front of Sasuke and Suigetsu. Or anyone else.” There was a moment where Gaara’s eyes darted down to eye Naruto’s mouth, making Naruto’s stomach flutter. “You said we’d have to practice-”
“We don’t have to.” Naruto cut Gaara off because he didn’t want to hear the next word. He had, of course, suggested that they practice kissing. He had thought Gaara would refuse. He had thought that when they tried to cuddle, it would end in failure and they’d have to awkwardly hope Sasuke didn’t point out their weirdness with each other. He had never really planned on kissing Gaara but he knew, in that moment, that if Gaara said it out loud, he wouldn’t be able to stop from kissing him.
Naruto hated that he knew that.
“We’re already pushing some of your limits.” Naruto added when Gaara blinked at him in surprise. He cleared his throat and glanced aside, trying to think of anything to calm his rapidly beating heart. “We don’t have to kiss or anything. Like you said before; Sasuke knows you. He probably wouldn’t be that surprised if we didn’t kiss or anything.”
Naruto spared a glance at Gaara, absolutely dumbfounded to see Gaara’s eyes narrow at him in annoyance. Maybe he thought Naruto was treating him like he was fragile and in a way, Naruto supposed that he was.
“You look nervous, Uzumaki.” Gaara’s voice was steady in a way Naruto didn’t like one bit. Nope. Nope nope nope. “You were the one stressing about how important it was for us to practice. Are you suddenly shy or scared?”
Irritation was…familiar. Naruto could run with that and he scowled at the guy in his lap. “Scared?” He scoffed loudly. “Of you biting my face off, maybe, but of you? Please. You probably kiss like a middle school kid with how much experience you lack.”
Gaara scoffed right back at him and shook his head a little bit. “Really? Because it sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to chicken out.”
God, this was such a childish argument and Naruto knew it was. He had taken the bait willingly this time because at least if he was annoyed he was familiar with whatever the fuck was going on. At least like this it was less intimate.
“Excuse you,” Naruto sat up straighter and, grabbing onto Gaara’s hips, maneuvered them both around until Gaara was flat on his back on the couch with Naruto braced above him, one hand still on Gaara’s hip and the other gripping the couch almost painfully tight by Gaara’s head. Gaara’s eyes widened almost comically and Naruto smirked smugly down at him, head slightly tilted to the side. “I’m not chickening out. In fact from this angle, you’re the one who looks ready to chicken out, Gaara.”
Gaara’s face was bright red, despite the way he was scowling up at him in annoyance. There was a certain heat to Gaara’s gaze, though, and it wasn’t a heat Naruto was used to seeing. Gaara’s lips parted as if he were going to speak, but he didn’t actually say anything. Instead his hands flew up, fingers tangling in Naruto’s hair, and he yanked Naruto’s head down to crash their lips together.
Naruto had kissed many people in his life. He loved kissing. It was intimate and fun and it was just a generally pleasurable thing. He was used to kissing people that kissed with confidence and leisure, that wanted to draw out the exchange as long as possible. But Gaara kissed like he was starving, like Naruto was the only person that could satiate him. Their lips had collided almost roughly, their teeth bumping into each other’s momentarily, but the impulsivity of it was lost on them. Gaara kissed him like he was desperate and Naruto, a gentleman, was more than happy to give him whatever he wanted at that moment. With Gaara’s fingers still buried in his hair, Naruto remembered that one of his hands was still gripping Gaara’s hip and he slid it up and under his sweater, feeling Gaara’s skin against his fingertips as he licked his way into his mouth. Gaara’s entire body jerked, a moan slipping from his mouth. His once cool skin felt warm to the touch and his lips…god, they were so much softer than they looked.
Kissing Gaara made him feel almost delirious. Naruto’s tongue was all too eager, too curious, and as confident as Gaara might have been a moment ago, he melted into the kiss. He was letting Naruto take control and that shouldn’t have made Naruto feel as hot and bothered as it did but here he was, making Gaara moan and shudder underneath him. The same boy who had always been so unapproachable, had always hissed and snarled in Naruto’s direction was now moaning into Naruto’s mouth, letting Naruto take whatever he wanted from him. Naruto could get drunk on that kind of power.
Fuck, maybe their friends had been right this whole time. Maybe they had just needed to have sex to get over their animosity. Hell, if Naruto had known that he was capable of making Gaara squirm like this he might have tried to kiss him sooner just to see it.
Naruto pulled his mouth away from Gaara’s for a brief moment, just long enough for the both of them to gasp for air, before he dove back in and claimed the other’s mouth all over again. This time Gaara was a bit more alert, teeth latching onto Naruto’s lower lip for a second, tugging on it in a way that had heat shooting straight to his dick. Naruto moaned softly, a sound he knew he’d be mortified about later, and dropped his head down to kiss at what little of Gaara’s neck he could get to with that damn sweater still on. His hand, which had been resting on Gaara’s stomach while they lost themselves in each other’s mouths, finally seemed to catch up with the situation and slid up and up and up, until his fingers were brushing over one of Gaara’s nipples.
“Ah…!” Gaara gasped, immediately slapping a hand over his own mouth in sudden horror.
Naruto’s head shot up, his blue eyes wide and alert. Gaara stared back at him with his own widened eyes, his face flushed. He looked so different like this. He looked absolutely delicious as he gazed up at Naruto, his breathing heavier and his sweater bunched up to his chest. Naruto gave a small shake of his head, finally prying his other hand away from where it sat gripping the couch by Gaara’s head, and he wasted no time yanking Gaara’s hand away from his mouth. He brought the hand towards his own face, kissing at his wrist, his palm, and then at the tip of every finger before looking down at him with half lidded eyes. “If I’m making you feel good, you’re going to let me hear it. Got it?”
Gaara’s moan was a loud and almost choked sound as he turned his face away from Naruto, embarrassed and horny all at once. Naruto…hadn’t expected Gaara to react that way to Naruto using a sort of tone of authority. Not that he was complaining; his dick certainly wasn’t, if the way it was starting to strain against his jeans was anything to go by. God, he was already getting hard just from kissing? What the hell was Gaara doing to him?
“You liked that, huh?” Naruto mused, his mouth at Gaara’s ear. He drug his tongue along the shell of his ear slowly, feeling Gaara shiver hard beneath him. “You like when I tell you what to do? Hm, Gaara?”
“N-Naruto…” His name had never sounded so good coming from Gaara’s lips. Naruto smirked softly and trailed his lips down to Gaara’s neck again, kissing the pale skin once, then twice, before dragging his tongue up the length of his neck slowly. Gaara let out a shuddering breath that was loud and desperate, like he was a dying man. “Fuck…”
Naruto had to bite down on his own lip to fight back the moan that was trying to rip out of him when Gaara arched up into him, pressing their hips together in a way that was painfully hot, had Naruto’s entire body feeling like it was on fire. He could feel Gaara’s hardening cock pressing against him, could feel one of Gaara’s hands snaking its way down to grab onto Naruto’s hip, trying to keep him close.
Fuck, Gaara didn’t just kiss like he was starving. He did all of it like he was starving. He clung to Naruto like he’d die the moment Naruto pulled away from him, like his body would give out the second Naruto’s hands left his heated skin. It shouldn’t have been hot…and yet it was so fucking hot. It was so terribly hot and Naruto was almost delirious with want, sinking his teeth into Gaara’s neck. This time when Gaara moaned it was a more high pitched noise, bordering a whimper that made Naruto feel dizzy.
The sound of the front door opening registered a moment too late. Naruto thanked the universe for his quick reflexes as he yanked one of the blankets over their bodies, holding it in a way that kept only his own head and Gaara’s red hair sticking out. Gaara shot him a look of panic, hands flying up to cover his face as Kiba’s voice shattered the moment of silence.
“Oh, holy shit!” Kiba cackled loudly, grabbing onto Kankuro’s arm to brace himself as he started laughing. Hell, he was laughing so hard Naruto was worried he’d hurt himself. “Sorry, dudes! Totally didn’t expect that!”
“Kiba.” Gaara growled softly, not moving from where he laid, frozen in horror.
“Not just Kiba.” Naruto murmured as he eyed the four people who had walked in. Kiba and Kankuro led the group with Shikamaru and Temari right behind them. While Kankuro and Temari looked absolutely mortified, Shikamaru was snickering along with Kiba’s loud laughter. The damn bastards.
“Oh, gross.” Kankuro grimaced when Naruto looked at him, shaking his head a bit. “Just…no. Ew. What the hell?”
“Please tell me you two aren’t naked under there.” Temari groaned, covering her eyes with one of her hands as she made a fake gagging sound.
“We aren’t naked.” Naruto muttered dryly, trying desperately not to look as embarrassed as he felt with his hips still pressed flush against Gaara’s under the cover of the blanket.
“God, on the couch you two?” Kankuro asked, exasperated. He almost sounded like a tired and disappointed parent. “That’s so gross.”
“Like you have any room to talk.” Gaara hissed as he finally stuck his head out from under the blanket to glare in his brother’s direction. “How many times have we walked in on you and Kiba actually naked on the couch?”
Kiba’s laughter stopped as he blushed, face bright red. “That only happened like three times!” He insisted, huffing.
“Three?” Naruto cracked a small smile, raising an eyebrow at the two of them. “So the first time wasn’t enough to make you guys think cautiously enough to not get caught two more times?”
“I so don’t want to talk about it.” Kankuro waved a dismissive hand and finally moved away from the front door, heading for the kitchen with Kiba in tow. “Naruto, are you staying long? I was going to make some food.”
“Uh…” Naruto spared a glance at Gaara but he wasn’t looking at him. In fact, he was avidly avoiding eye contact with Naruto. Just great. Naruto rolled his eyes a little and called back, “I’m not hungry! Thanks, though!”
Naruto looked back down at Gaara as Shikamaru and Temari made their way to the kitchen as well, thankful for the brief moment of privacy. “Hey, wanna go to your room or something?” Gaara looked ready to explode, honestly. Or maybe like he might actually learn how to blow people up with his mind this time. Naruto was sure the horror of being walked in on was killing him. Naruto definitely felt the same way but supposed he knew how to handle it better; his parents had walked in on Sasuke and him quite a few times in the past, after all.
Gaara shoved Naruto off of him and got up off the couch faster than Naruto expected. He almost thought Gaara was going to scurry away and leave him there, awkward and half hard and left to the mercy of their friends and his siblings but then Gaara was grabbing his wrist and tugging him along towards the hallway.
Gaara’s bedroom as…cozier than Naruto expected. Of course, he had sort of expected a bedroom filled with horror movie merch or, worse, a room with very little personality to it at all. He was pleasantly surprised, however, because Gaara’s room was actually quite nice. He had a huge bed piled with blankets and pillows and a pretty big Tv mounted to the wall near the foot of his bed. He had a whole gaming PC set up near his closet and instead of the blinding overhead lighting he used purple colored LED lights which wasn’t a surprise at all; overhead lights sucked.
The walls didn’t have pictures like Naruto’s did but there were a few posters, some from cliche horror movies from the 80’s and 90’s and some from bands or movies. Gaara had a bookshelf against the wall by the bedroom door that was packed full of books of all sizes. A few small succulent plants sat innocently on a few shelves and the gaming desk just like in Gaara’s tattoo room at the shop. It was simple, sure, but it was cozy. Comfortable. Entirely Gaara.
Gaara let go of Naruto’s wrist when the bedroom door shut behind them, shuffling over to his bed and sitting down with a heavy sigh. Naruto awkwardly lingered by the door, watching Gaara rub at his face for a second before he cleared his throat, making Gaara glance up at him. “So…we should probably talk about what just happened back there.”
God, what the hell had they been thinking?
“Should we?” Gaara asked in that damn blank tone of his. Naruto couldn’t tell what he was thinking, though he didn’t miss the way Gaara’s eyes looked him up and down slowly, like he was still thinking they could…
“Ah, jeeze…” Naruto raked a hand through his hair and walked across the room, sitting down next to Gaara on the bed. His own head was all over the place as he took a breath, trying to figure everything out. “Look, Gaara. Did…were you…did you even like what we were doing?”
Gaara’s expression was one Naruto was very familiar with. It was an expression that made Naruto feel like he was an idiot for even speaking in the first place, an eyebrow arched and those soft colored eyes narrowed at him in annoyance. “Naruto, you know that I could have pushed you off of me without difficulty if I didn’t like what…that was. I was the one who kissed you in the first place.”
And Naruto’s mind was still racing about it. Gaara had kissed him. Gaara. The same guy that couldn’t stand him. The same guy Naruto couldn’t stand. God, and Naruto had kissed him back.
“Don’t look at me like I’m stupid just because I’m checking in with you.” Naruto frowned at him, irritated. “It’s kind of important to me that you were willing in what happened and that you enjoyed it. Because it almost went somewhere neither of us could have brushed off.”
Gaara’s annoyance seemed to vanish, that pink hue steadily returning to his face. He didn’t look away like Naruto would have expected. “I know where it was going.”
That admittance was…heavy. It made Naruto’s stomach flutter and he licked his lips, carefully trying to place his next words. “I think we should take a breather and circle back to this conversation another time.” His heart was hammering away inside of his chest again at the realization that he might have actually had sex with Gaara if they hadn’t been interrupted. Gaara might have let him.
What would he have done if that happened? What would that have done to their hesitant and reluctant partnership?
Gaara sighed loudly, drawing Naruto’s attention back to him. “You just said you wanted to talk about it and now you’re changing your mind? Are you angry with me for kissing you?”
“I don’t know what I’m feeling to be honest with you.” Naruto replied honestly, frowning down at his lap. “But I know that…it’s been a long time since either of us have been that close to another person and we might have gotten carried away.” But Gaara was always so in his head, was always running the risks of everything in his head over and over again. Sure, they had gotten carried away, but Gaara was smart enough to know what had been building up in those moments as Naruto pinned him down to the couch. Which meant Gaara had thought about kissing Naruto at that moment.
“It has been a while.” Gaara agreed quietly, making Naruto look at him again. He wasn’t looking over, though, and was instead staring up at the ceiling, a frown on his lips. “I felt like you were trying to tiptoe around treating me like I was fragile again so I…wanted to pick a fight. I figured it would at least make it feel less bizarre to be that close to each other if we were fighting. I…just didn’t expect the fighting to make me want to kiss you. I was very much aware of what I was doing so don’t start filling your head with stupid thoughts like that. But you’re right; it has been a long time since I’ve done…anything of that nature. I got carried away. I might still get carried away.”
Naruto let out a slow breath, his fingers drumming against his leg anxiously as he watched Gaara, eyes trained far too hard on those soft lips that he’d been kissing just a few minutes ago. Gaara had basically just admitted that, if Naruto were to kiss him again right now, things would pass a point of no return. “Do you know how stupid this is? We’re fake dating to prove we don’t have any secret sexual tension and now…” He trailed off, letting the words hang in the air.
And now there was so much sexual tension that it was driving Naruto insane.
Gaara had the decency to look a little ashamed at that, shoulders slumping a little bit as he frowned softly. “We can just forget it happened. Clearly we’re comfortable with touching each other so tomorrow should be fine.”
But it didn’t exactly look like Gaara wanted to forget about it. Naruto sort of felt for the guy, he really did. He knew what it was like to get a taste of something you were so used to denying yourself. Hell, Naruto usually crawled out of his own skin after going too long without any sort of human contact, let alone anything sexual. Gaara was so secretive with himself in every way he could be and now he was turned on and probably feeling just as confused as Naruto was.
Naruto sighed, long and loud, and set a hand on Gaara’s knee. It was a gesture he’d been doing a lot, he noticed. Something that just felt right and Gaara had yet to tell him to knock it off or try to bite his hand off. He waited until Gaara glanced back at him again before he spoke, trying to keep his tone light. “Look. Let’s get through tomorrow and see how we feel after that. If we’re still feeling…like this about it then I’ll fuck you until your bed collapses or something, okay?”
Gaara seemed to choke a little on air, shoving Naruto’s hand off of his knee. “God, you’re an idiot.” He mumbled, shaking his head a little bit. “Can we just pretend it never happened?”
Naruto hesitated. “I don’t think I can-”
“Please.” Gaara cut him off and, this time, it was Gaara’s hand coming to rest on Naruto’s knee. It was a gentle and light touch, like he was worried about touching Naruto too roughly all of a sudden. “Can we just forget about it?”
Naruto didn’t really want to forget about it. He’d just made out with his arch enemy on a couch in the living room. He’d been moments away from ripping Gaara’s clothes off entirely. He’d been so close to giving Gaara whatever he wanted and Gaara had almost let him. Naruto was never going to be able to ignore it even if Gaara could. Sure, he would absolutely blame it on just being pent up and lonely but it had still happened, no matter the reasoning and they had both enjoyed it.
Naruto wanted to be angry. Gaara had been the one to kiss him first. Sure, Naruto had been hyper aware of how it felt to have Gaara’s body against his own but he hadn’t made the first move. He wasn’t sure if he would have, either, if Gaara hadn’t done it. Gaara had kissed him and started this whole hormone fueled mess and now he wanted to pretend it never happened.
Despite wanting to be angry, Naruto could understand it almost painfully. He’d been in the same sort of situation many times, carried away in the moment and giving into his impulses before he actually thought about it. He couldn’t be that mad at Gaara for seeking physical pleasure. Gaara hadn’t had it in so long and it must have been invigorating and overwhelming for it to happen so suddenly. Gaara, who spent his whole life being denied kindness, had gotten a taste of something that felt good and chased after it like anyone else would have.
Naruto had liked it, anyway. He could have tried to deny it but what would the point have been? And he had meant what he said; if Gaara was still feeling open to the idea of kissing him after they successfully went through with a double date, Naruto would gladly have sex with him. It didn’t have to complicate things, though he knew that it would one way or another. Maybe it would be good for them to mess around a bit while they were doing this. If it would save them months of bickering before they went through with their giant, fake break up then he’d be fine with it.
But he was going to leave all of that power in Gaara’s hands. Naruto was fine with casual sex. Gaara was…complicated and yes, maybe Naruto was treating him a bit like he was fragile. If no one else would treat Gaara the way he needed to be, Naruto would be the one to do it.
“Alright.” Naruto relented, nodding slowly as he patted the hand still resting on his knee. “It never happened. Okay?”
Gaara seemed to relax a little bit and he slid his hand away from Naruto’s knee, nodding. “Thank you. The…cuddling wasn’t bad, by the way. I know I was awkward but it…wasn’t terrible. I think I’ll be fine at Sasuke’s.”
Well, at least the cuddling had been good. Naruto almost wanted to laugh at the entire situation but he didn’t, mainly because the last thing he wanted to do was piss Gaara off. He cracked a small smile, ignoring the million different ways his mind was trying to go, and heaved a dramatic sigh as he stood up. “Well, now that I’ve gotten you to talk to me again, I think I’m going to go home. I’ll see you at Sasuke’s place tomorrow?”
Gaara looked up at him and nodded slowly. “Yeah.” He murmured, standing up and gesturing towards the bedroom door. “I’ll walk you out?”
Naruto nodded and allowed Gaara to lead him out. The cat, Shukaku, was in the hallway and hissed in Naruto’s direction as they emerged from the room. Naruto rolled his eyes a little, shooting the cat a small glare. “I’m going to win you over at some point, flea bag.”
“Oh yeah, because calling him ‘flea bag’ will definitely win him over.” Gaara drawled over his shoulder, shooting him an unapproving frown. “He hasn’t had a single flea since living with me, by the way.”
“He seems like the type to have fleas in his soul.” Naruto shrugged, chuckling a bit to himself.
Gaara scoffed loudly. “Stop harassing my cat. That’s my son.”
It was almost comical to hear Gaara talking like a doting cat dad. Naruto fought back another laugh, mainly for Gaara’s sake, and as they made their way back to the living room they saw Kiba and Shikamaru on the couch. Temari and Kankuro must have still been in the kitchen and Naruto was pretty thankful about that. He had yet to even hang out with them as their baby brother's boyfriend only for them to walk in on…well, that.
Shikamaru glanced up from his phone, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Are you leaving, Naruto?”
“Yeah, Mom and Dad are expecting me for dinner.” Naruto shrugged as he followed Gaara to the front door. “We’ll all do dinner together soon though, I promise.”
Gaara shot him an exasperated look as he opened the front door. Naruto shrugged, leaning in to press a kiss to Gaara’s cheek before either of them could think about it. For show, of course. For Kiba and Shikamaru to see. “See you tomorrow.”
“See you.” Gaara murmured in reply, shoving him out the door and shutting it quickly.
When Naruto finally made it back into his car he groaned, loud and long, and let his forehead fall against the steering wheel. The evening hadn’t gone where Naruto planned. In fact, his original expectations for the night were shot down the second he stepped into the house, he was sure of it. How were things supposed to go back to normal when he knew what Gaara’s lips felt like against his own? How was he supposed to pretend nothing happened when he was dying to hear another moan pass Gaara’s lips?
Fuck, he needed to get laid or something. Anything to get this damn tension out of him. This was going to be a long few months.
Saturday, November 18th, 4:45 p.m.
When Naruto knocked on the front door he wasn’t too surprised when Deidara opened it, grinning a little at him. “Hey, Naruto. Come on in.” He ushered him inside, shutting the door before immediately getting to work pulling his hair up and out of his face in a ponytail. “Sasuke and Suigetsu are in the kitchen. Itachi and I are heading out for a bit. Are you staying the night? We’ll bring you back something sweet if you are.”
“Nah, not sleeping over.” Naruto assured as he kicked his shoes off by the door. “Thanks for the offer, though. Is it date night for you guys?”
Deidara laughed a little bit. “Sort of. We’re going to a party at a friend’s place but you know Itachi; he won’t want to stay too late.” He rolled his eyes but it was in a sort of ‘I love that man’ kind of way that he normally did. He and Itachi were almost grossly sappy with each other.
“Well, you guys have fun.” Naruto offered a quick wave before making his way towards the kitchen.
He found Sasuke and Suigetsu in the kitchen like Deidara said, Suigetsu sitting on top of the counter as Sasuke stood between his legs, hands on Suigetsu’s hips as they made out in a way that was almost too obscene to be in a kitchen. Or a house, even. Seriously, those two kissed like they were never going to see each other again. Naruto grimaced and made sure to make a loud gagging sound, startling the two apart. “Ugh, in the kitchen? Seriously? We make food here, you animals.” He scoffed, crossing his arms as he leaned in the kitchen doorway.
Sasuke, face a hilarious shade of red, scoffed as he pushed away from the counter. “Shut up.” He muttered, averting his gaze in a way that told Naruto he was absolutely embarrassed and it made Naruto snicker softly.
“If you don’t want to be made fun of then don’t make out in the kitchen.” Naruto shrugged, looking past Sasuke at Suigetsu. “Though you have no shame whatsoever.”
“Guilty as charged.” Suigetsu winked at him, crossing one leg over the other. “But you showed up just in time; we’re figuring out what to do for dinner. I suggested chinese food.”
“Oh, yeah, I’m cool with that.” Naruto assured, grinning. “That sounds awesome, actually. It’s been a while.”
“I text Gaara about it as well.” Sasuke chimed in, waving his phone around a little bit. “He said he’s fine with it. He isn’t picky, either, so he said to just get whatever.”
The mention of Gaara’s name made Naruto’s face feel a little hotter. The memory of the previous night was still seared into his brain. The sounds Gaara had made when they kissed still sent a shiver down his spine. He wasn’t sure how he was going to face Gaara and act normal after all of that but Gaara wanted to forget about it. The least Naruto could do was at least pretend he wasn’t currently in the process of losing his mind. “Yeah, he isn’t picky.” He agreed finally, trying to push all those thoughts to the back of his mind.
“He should be here in about half an hour.” Sasuke added, looking at his phone now. “I’ll go ahead and order the food. It’ll probably get here a little after Gaara shows up.”
“Awesome. We can eat and then I can kick all your asses at Mario Kart.” Suigetsu beamed, reaching for a cup next to him and taking a drink.
“Oh, no way.” Naruto scoffed at him. “I’ll totally kick your ass, you just got lucky last time you won. I was tired and off my game.”
Suigetsu and Naruto were both painfully competitive when it came to Mario Kart, so much so that it was very rare anyone but Sasuke let them play together. Sasuke liked to watch them bicker and shove at each other, faces glued to the Tv screen. It was one of his favorite parts of them all hanging out in some weird way. Truthfully, it was one of Naruto’s favorite parts as well.
When Sasuke had first started dating Suigetsu Naruto had been…hesitant. There wasn’t any animosity because by then, he and Sasuke had been broken up for quite a while and were on good terms. But it still felt strange to hang out with someone who was dating his ex, especially considering Suigetsu was the first person Sasuke had dated since he and Naruto split up. It had been a pleasant surprise when Suigetsu and him got along perfectly, like siblings almost. He loved the guy in a way and he couldn’t imagine anyone being more perfect for Sasuke than Suigetsu was.
“Oh, you’re so on Uzumaki.” Suigetsu smirked towards him, sliding off of the counter and stretching a little bit. “Though, we’re both screwed if Gaara decides to play.”
That made Naruto raise an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh? Is he good at Mario Kart?”
“Good is an understatement.” Sasuke snorted, glancing up from his phone with a disbelieving shake of his head. “I think Suigetsu and I have only ever beaten him maybe four or five times out of the hundreds of times we’ve played. He’s insanely good at it.”
Somehow that just made sense. Gaara did seem like the kind of guy to be alarmingly good at video games and it made Naruto smile softly. “Damn. We’re going to have to make sure he plays. I wanna see.”
Suigetsu slung an arm around Naruto’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s head to the living room so Sasuke can order the food. You know how he gets when he’s on the phone.” Sasuke hated talking on the phone when other people were in the room. Any outside noise that wasn't the phone call distracted him and made him hiss and glare at whoever did it so they’d all learned early on to leave Sasuke alone for phone calls.
Naruto followed Suigetsu to the living room and plopped down on the couch. There was a fire going in the fireplace, keeping the room toasty warm. Suigetsu scooped up the remote and started scrolling through one of the streaming apps, looking for something to watch. “So, how are you and Gaara doing?” He asked him curiously. That was another thing he liked about Suigetsu; his tone really did tell you how he was feeling. He wasn’t hard to read because he was up front about everything, something Naruto appreciated even if at times his blunt attitude could be seen as rude.
Naruto leaned back into the couch and watched Suigetsu scroll through the rows of movies on the screen. “We’re good.” He replied. They were good. Right? “We’re really good, actually.” Of course they were good. A weird make out session that neither of them planned on didn’t mean they were suddenly on horrible terms. Hell, the whole reason Naruto had been there yesterday was to make sure they stayed on good terms.
“That’s good.” Suigetsu frowned at the Tv, squinting a little bit. “Shit, man, I really need to go get my eyes checked.”
“Like Sasuke’s been telling you to for the last six months?” Naruto smiled over at him, reaching over to snatch the remote. “I’ll find something; stop straining your eyes.”
Suigetsu let out a dramatic sigh as he fell back into the couch. “I hate getting old. I used to see almost perfectly. Mostly, at least.”
“Sure, man. Keep telling yourself that.” Naruto settled on some animated movie he knew they all liked, setting the remote down on the living room table. He relaxed into the couch again, stretching out his legs before plopping them down into Suigetsu’s lap, jolting a huff out of him.
Suigetsu swatted at his shin but made no actual move to shove him away. He never did. He did, however, poke at Naruto’s bright green socks. “These are hideous, man. Where did you get these?”
Naruto peered at his own sock covered feet and laughed a little bit. “I think my mom got them for me?”
“Well, they’re hideous.” Suigetsu shook his head in disapproval and looked over at him, smiling a little. “They suit you, though, which is the most terrible part about it. The ugliest socks known to man and they suit you.”
“I think you’re just jealous.” Naruto lifted a foot to shove it in the other’s face. Suigetsu yelped, shoving the foot away, and Naruto snickered again. “You just wish you had half the style I have. It’s okay; we can’t all be totally amazing.”
“Naruto, if you ever see me wearing socks like that I want you to kill me.” Suigetsu patted Naruto’s foot, making sure it wasn’t about to lunge for his face again. “Why didn’t you and Gaara come together?”
“Oh, he had something to do with his brother and sister first.” Naruto recalled, looking towards the Tv. “He didn’t want to make me wait to come over so we agreed to just meet here.”
“And it doesn’t bug you or anything?” Suigetsu asked. He sounded…really curious but Naruto frowned at him, confused. Why would he be bugged by it?
“What, by Gaara coming later?”
“No, no. Not that.” Suigetsu shook his head before jerking his chin in the direction of the kitchen where Sasuke was. “That he and Sasuke are so close.”
Naruto was still confused. Sasuke and Gaara had been friends for a long time now. It wasn’t like Naruto hadn’t known that the entire time. “We don’t hate each other anymore, Suigetsu. They’re best friends, why would I care that they’re friends?”
Suigetsu shrugged his shoulders again. “Well, I don’t know. I just figured you’d be a little weirded out that your current boyfriend and your ex boyfriend used to sleep together. Most people would be.”
Time seemed to stop for a moment, Suigetsu’s words settling over Naruto’s mind like a wave crashing on the shore. Slowly, he frowned, staring at Suigetsu like he was waiting for the punchline of a joke. But no punchline came and Suigetsu stared back at him, looking a little confused himself. Naruto opened his mouth to speak and then closed it for a second, his frown deepening as he felt his fists clench. “What?”
“You…they…Oh, shit.” Suigetsu squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sucked in a deep breath. He let his hand fall down to the couch, looking at Naruto helplessly. “You had no idea, did you?”
“NoI” Naruto yelled out, standing up from the couch in a hurry, raking his fingers through his hair over and over. Gaara and Sasuke? When the hell had that happened? God, but it made so much more sense now why Gaara didn’t want to talk about his past sexual experience. He didn’t want to tell Naruto that it had been with Sasuke. “Oh my god.”
“Dude, it isn’t a big deal!” Suigetsu insisted, standing up and grabbing Naruto’s hands, holding them in his own. “Seriously, it isn’t a big deal.”
“What isn’t a big deal?” Sasuke emerged from the kitchen, shoving his phone into his pocket. He paused behind the couch and took in Suigetsu’s frantic expression, slowly looking towards Naruto. “What-”
“You!” Naruto whirled around, yanking his hands out of Suigetsu’s to point accusingly at Sasuke, who jerked in surprise. “You had sex with Gaara?”
Sasuke’s eyes widened and he looked towards Suigetsu, a scowl slowly etching itself onto his face. “I’m gone for five minutes. Seriously?”
“I’m talking to you right now!” Naruto huffed loudly, drawing Sasuke’s attention back to him. Maybe Sasuke saw that, despite the way Naruto must have looked angry, he was actually on the verge of some sort of anxiety attack. Naruto couldn’t help it. How could something like this escape his notice? When did it even happen?
The ‘when’ really was what was bothering him the most. Sasuke and Gaara had been friends for so long and…Naruto and Sasuke had been going through a lot at the end of their relationship. Had they…?
“Naruto. Stop.” Sasuke came around the couch to stand in front of Naruto, hands landing on his shoulders and squeezing gently. It was actually a pretty good grounding technique for Naruto. “I can already tell where this is going. It was a long time ago. You and I had already been broken up for months at that point.”
Naruto felt his anxiety ease a little bit, suddenly feeling a little silly for jumping to conclusions. He stared back at Sasuke, taking in the complete earnest and honest look on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” Sasuke replied with a shrug, dropping his hands from Naruto’s shoulders.
Naruto crossed his arms, feeling himself frowning again. “Not your secret? Sasuke, it takes a minimum of two people to have sex usually. You were there so you could have told me.
“At the time, you and I weren’t at the point where we were comfortable talking about our flings.” Sasuke told him as he sat down on the couch, pulling a pillow into his lap and hugging it gently. “And it wasn’t even a fling. It just…Gaara wanted it to stay a secret. I respected that. It was different for him than it was for me.”
Now what the hell did that mean? Different for Gaara? How? Did Gaara have feelings for Sasuke back then? It wouldn’t have been too out there of an idea considering Gaara’s friendship with Sasuke and how much Sasuke had looked out for him after finding out about Rasa. It would actually make sense that Gaara had a crush on Sasuke, as much as Naruto didn’t really like to think about it. Had Gaara been hiding secret feelings for Sasuke the whole time Sasuke and Naruto were together?
“He never told me anything.” Naruto murmured after a moment, frowning down at his feet for a second. God, he was so irritated all of a sudden. Today wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Sasuke reached out with his foot, lightly kicking Naruto’s shin to get his attention. “Gaara’s complicated, Naruto. You know that. He would have told you eventually. There’s a lot about him that just takes time to find out.”
Like the truth about Rasa. Like how Gaara had never dated anyone. Like how, for some fucking reason, Gaara had wanted to kiss Naruto last night. But this? Why did this feel like some sort of betrayal?
“I didn’t mean to cause any problems, Naruto.” Suigetsu was sitting on the arm of the couch now, biting his lip as Naruto met his guilty gaze. “Seriously. I just thought that one of them had mentioned it by now.”
As much as Naruto wanted to be angry at Suigetsu he knew that it wouldn’t have been fair. Suigetsu had never had any ill intentions towards him before and Naruto knew that he had never meant to hurt his feelings. He was making conversation, probably trying to bring up that they both had something in common; boyfriends who had apparently, at one point, slept together. There was no justification in being mad at Suigetsu or Sasuke or…even Gaara.
God, he really wanted to talk to Gaara about it, though. After the conversation they had yesterday when Naruto had practically bared his heart and soul talking about how his relationship with Sasuke had fallen apart, he figured that would have been a good time for Gaara to bring it up. But what did Naruto know? Nothing, apparently.
“You didn’t cause any problems.” Naruto finally sat back down on the couch, patting Suigetsu’s back. He offered up a small smile that he hoped was calming. “I was just caught off guard. I’m not mad at you.”
Suigetsu slid off the arm of the couch to sit beside Naruto properly, shoving his elbow into Naruto’s side. “You better not be lying. If you try to kill me later for this I’m going to be really bummed out.”
“You’re so dramatic.” Naruto looked over at Sasuke who was watching him curiously, pillow still hugged to his chest. “I’m not mad at you, either. I just felt a little blind sided. I’ll…talk to Gaara about it some time. If he wants to.” Even if Gaara probably didn’t want to, Naruto was going to push. This was one topic he needed to push or else his anxiety would eat him alive.
“Talk to me about what?”
Gaara's sudden voice had all three of them jolting in surprise and they all turned their heads to look behind them. Gaara stood in the entryway, eyeing them curiously as he slowly made his way over to the couch. He propped his elbows on the back of the couch, reaching out to yank at a strand of Sasuke's hair, making Sasuke swat at him and making something sour bubble up in Naruto's gut.
“When did you get here?” Sasuke asked, genuinely surprised and leaning to the side to peer behind Gaara. “We didn't hear you knock.”
“Because I didn't.” Gaara replied with a small smile. “Deidara and Itachi were walking out as I pulled up. They let me in.”
“Didn't you have something to do with Temari and Kankuro?” Sasuke pressed and Naruto wondered if Sasuke was hoping to derail Gaara from his initial question.
“We finished early.” Gaara murmured and glanced over at Naruto and he looked…really tired. It wasn't his normal type of tired look, either, because Naruto was learning to tell the difference. It looked like Gaara hadn't slept the night before. Maybe he hadn't. Maybe he, like Naruto, had been replaying what they did with each other over and over in his head.
Gaara cocked his head to the side. “What were you saying you were going to talk to me about?”
Naruto's emotions were all over the place and he hated it. He felt out of control, something his anxiety did to him way too much, and a part of him knew that telling Gaara what he knew was a bad idea. But Naruto seemed to thrive on bad ideas, if their current dynamic was anything to go by.
“I was going to talk to you about you having sex with Sasuke.”
Gaara's eyes widened almost comically wide and he immediately looked towards Suigetsu and Sasuke. Sasuke's hands flew up in a defensive gesture. “Don't look at me! Suigetsu said it.”
“Because I thought he already knew!” Suigetsu insisted loudly, throwing his hands up as well, shaking his head quickly. “Clearly I was wrong!”
Gaara sighed softly and brought a hand up to rub at his face, a frown on his lips. He looked back towards Naruto as his hand fell to his side. He looked uncomfortable in a way Naruto recognized almost immediately; he had the same look on his face as he did when he told Naruto about his dad. Naruto would have felt bad for bringing it up if his anxiety hadn’t already riled him up and made him think the worst. All he knew how to do at this point was go with the flow he had created.
“Hey, the crisis is averted anyways.” Suigetsu added before anyone else could speak, making Gaara and Naruto glance back towards him. “Naruto was wondering if it was while you and Sasuke were together and Sasuke assured him it wasn’t so…you know, crisis averted.”
Suigetsu meant well and Naruto almost wanted to thank him; it had eased his worry a little bit when Sasuke had told him that. It had eased him a lot, actually, save for the residual irritation that had settled over him at the thought of just…not knowing. Yeah, Naruto almost wanted to thank him but the look that passed over Gaara’s face had him staying silent, something in his stomach churning in a way he hated.
Gaara’s expression, which had been exasperated at first, shifted into something else. Something Naruto had never wished to see on Gaara’s face in the entire time he had known him; Gaara looked genuinely hurt, like a child who had been pushed aside by someone they loved. ‘Shattered’ might have been a good way to describe it. He stared at Naruto, lips parted as if he wanted to speak, and that absolutely shattered look on his face that made Naruto feel so, so confused.
What had just happened?
Naruto was quick to stand up, coming around the couch to grab Gaara’s hand. “Okaaay, we’re going to have a quick chat in the kitchen, guys.” He forced up a small chuckle that he knew no one really believed before tugging Gaara towards the kitchen.
Thankfully, Gaara followed him without complaint but the moment they were alone in the kitchen he ripped his hand out of Naruto’s grasp. Naruto took a step back, putting some space between them as he leaned back against one of the counters. “Gaara-”
“That’s what you think of me?” Gaara demanded quickly, fists clenched at his sides as he glared at Naruto. The glare was also familiar; it was the same way Gaara had glared at him from across the classroom when they were teenagers.
Naruto stared back at him, confused and on edge all at once. “What do you mean?” He asked slowly, frowning.
Gaara rolled his eyes. Hard. “You seriously thought I’d sleep with your boyfriend while you were dating him? That’s the kind of person you think I am?”
Oh. Oh shit. Naruto had thought Gaara was embarrassed because Naruto knew about Sasuke. “I…Well, what was I supposed to think? I hated you back then. I didn’t know you.”
“But you know me now,” Gaara stressed in a hushed voice. “And you still thought that about me? That I would do something like that?”
“I…” Naruto understood it now. He did know Gaara better now. Way better, actually. It made no sense for Gaara to sleep with Naruto’s boyfriend just to spite him or to do it even if he had feelings for Sasuke at the time. Gaara just wasn’t that kind of person and, if he had done it to piss Naruto off, it wouldn’t have taken so long for Naruto to know.
Gaara had opened up to him a lot lately in ways Naruto had never imagined. Naruto knew exactly how hard it was and how much trust Gaara had put in him to listen and know him. And here he was accusing Gaara of being absolutely despicable because his own anxiety had scared him. Because he was still so scared that everything that had happened with Sasuke in the past had been, in some way, his fault. “Gaara, I didn’t-”
“Save it.” Gaara snapped, turning his back to Naruto and taking a deep breath. “Let’s just get through the next few hours so I can go.”
This was not how today was supposed to go.
Naruto rushed forward, grabbing Gaara’s shoulder. “Gaara, wait-”
“Let’s go.” Gaara hissed over his shoulder, shrugging Naruto’s hand off of him. It was fair of him to do. Naruto deserved it. That didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt, of course, because it hurt like hell and Naruto was so fucking confused.
Naruto would have to give Gaara credit, though. As angry as he looked in the kitchen he was pretty good at pretending nothing had happened. He had let Naruto hold his hand as they walked back and, when Sasuke shot them both a look of worry, it had been Gaara who had assured, with a soft laugh, that everything was fine. For a guy who hated lying as much as he did Gaara did it well and Naruto…well, he knew how to fake it too. He just wished he didn’t feel like shit now, wished he hadn’t made that look cross Gaara’s face.
He knew it had been cruel to even assume Gaara would do something like that to him but his anxiety had shoved the idea to the front of his brain, practically blaring it in his mind like an alarm. Whatever the reason for the secrecy, it hadn’t been because Gaara slept with Sasuke out of spite. Knowing Gaara’s history of never knowing a gentle touch as a child, Naruto should have already known it. He shouldn’t have even let Gaara know the idea crossed his mind.
When the food arrived it almost felt like nothing had happened. Sasuke dished out food on paper plates, shoving napkins into all of their hands because if they made a mess on Itachi’s couch then they’d all die. Neat freaks, he and Itachi. Always had been and always would be.
Gaara leaned into Naruto like they weren’t just moments away from a fight, even resting his hand on Naruto’s knee from time to time while he and Sasuke discussed work. It shouldn’t have felt nice, not after what had just happened. But Naruto accepted the touch; glad that at least Gaara was still playing along.
“Deidara’s actually got a few appointments coming up.” Sasuke was saying when Naruto tuned back in, deciding to follow Gaara’s lead and just…make believe. “I didn’t think he was going to until the New Year.”
Deidara was an amazing tattoo artist. Probably the best in town if Naruto had to guess. However, he didn’t actually tattoo as frequently as everyone else at the shop did. He was high in demand because of how amazing his work was but the normal wait for his work was usually pretty crazy. He opened up his schedule for appointments for two months out of the year, usually January and then some time in the summer. It was rare for him to open up his schedule a third time like he apparently was now, but dozens of people waited months at a time for his work. If he was opening up for appointments, he was going to be absolutely booked. On top of managing the shop? Naruto wasn’t sure how he did it.
“Konan mentioned that, yeah.” Gaara replied with a small nod as he scooped up some fried rice with a spoon. “I think she said he only has about six appointments and they’re all next month. They’ll probably be really big pieces.”
“I need to get in and get a tattoo from one of you guys.” Suigetsu sighed wistfully as he set his now empty plate on the living room table. “I’ve been telling myself for the last year that I’m going to get one. Hey!” He leaned forward to peer over at Naruto who sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Why don’t we go and get tattoos together, Naruto?”
“No way, I’m so bad with needles.” Naruto shook his head, chuckling softly. “I think I’d pass out, man. I don’t want to embarrass myself like that.”
“Damn.” Suigetsu fell back into the couch with a dramatic sigh. “I need someone to go with me or I’ll probably chicken out, too.”
“Then I’m definitely not the guy to take with you.” Naruto laughed, finishing off his food and setting his plate aside as well. “You could always try to talk Shino into getting one with you. Hinata said that he’s been thinking about getting one for a while.”
“You know what, I just might.” Suigetsu admitted with a grin.
Naruto spared a glance at Gaara who, while avoiding his gaze since leaving the kitchen, offered him a curious look back. Naruto forced up a small smile. “Have you thought about getting anything new yet?”
“Nothing serious.” Gaara replied, glancing down at his plate of food before continuing. “I think my next tattoo would probably be Shukaku’s paw print.”
“That grouchy ass cat?” Sasuke snorted, reaching for the Tv remote. “Would he even sit still long enough for you to get a good print to use?”
“For me? Absolutely.” Gaara nodded firmly.
Naruto believed it. That cat was grouchy as hell, much like Gaara himself, but Naruto had seen the way they looked at each other. That cat loved him dearly and Gaara loved him, too. A shocking surprise, yes, but it had made sense. “Where would you get the paw print tattooed? Like, where on your body?”
Gaara glanced at him and shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe my arm or something like that. Somewhere I can see it easily.”
If Naruto were to ever get a tattoo, which he probably would not, he always figured it would be something related to his family. Maybe his mom or dad’s signatures in their hand writing or maybe just something symbolic of the Uzumaki family. It was a nice idea but the thought of a needle in his skin, over and over, made him shudder. He wasn’t sure how Hinata did it, as covered in tattoos as she was. Her arms and legs were totally covered but it had always looked really good on her. Sasuke had a good number of them too, mostly on his back and his arms and a few on the backs of his shins. Gaara, of course, only had a few but it seemed like all of his were, in some way, sentimental. Naruto liked the idea of a sentimental one, either way. He wondered if maybe he’d be able to get one. If he could overlook the pain factor, of course.
“I dread the day that cat dies.” Sasuke said with a sad shake of his head, earning him a rather rough jab in the ribs from Gaara’s elbow. He wheezed a bit and scoffed, shoving Gaara a bit. “I’m serious! You’re going to be a wreck and I’m not ready.”
“Shukaku is going to live a very long life.” Gaara said firmly. Gods, Naruto hoped he was right because he agreed with Sasuke; he wasn’t ready to deal with Gaara going through that, either. “Don’t manifest such tragic things, Sasuke.”
“Manifest,” Sauke scoffed. “You hang out with Sakura too much.”
Dinner was followed by Mario Kart, just as Suigetsu had assured earlier in the day. Suigetsu, Naruto knew, was competitive enough as it was and even though he had been warned he was stunned by how competitive Gaara was at the game. Gaara and Suigetsu were hissing at each other back and forth, accusing each other of cheating (impossible) and trash talking each other’s choice in character. It was like listening to two children play and Naruto shared a look at Sasuke between rounds, amused and exasperated all at once. Sasuke simply shook his head with a fond smile. “Ridiculous, right?”
“I’ll say.” Naruto scoffed as he looked towards Suigetsu. “Hey, count me out of this round. You two are insane and need to hash it out one on one.”
“I agree.” Sasuke set his controller aside and nudged Gaara. “Beat him. Please. Beat him miserably.”
“Hey!” Suigetsu pouted in Sasuke’s direction. “I’m your boyfriend! You’re supposed to root for me, dweeb!”
Sasuke laughed, loudly. It was something Naruto really liked about Sasuke’s relationship with Suigetsu; Sasuke laughed like a child again. After the death of his parents laughter had become a rare thing for him, something Naruto had to pry out of him with careful words and gestures. Suigetsu did it so easily, though, and now Sasuke laughed loudly and fully with all of them, something that almost seemed impossible back in the day.
Naruto smiled a little and tried to catch Gaara’s eye for a moment but Gaara was pointedly not looking at him, focused very hard on the character selection screen. Naruto fought back a sigh as he stood up and started gathering the paper plates and plastic forks and spoons from the table. “I’ll get these out of the way.”
“I’ll put the rest of the food away.” Sasuke stood up and gathered the take out boxes, following Naruto into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and slid the boxes inside, pulling out a bottle of water before closing it again. He turned, leaning back against the fridge as he unscrewed the lid, looking at Naruto who was across the kitchen. “I’m sorry about earlier. If it caused any problems between you and Gaara.”
Naruto dumped the trash into the garbage can and sighed, looking over at Sasuke and shrugging his shoulders. “It’s fine. It was just me being…me. You know? All in my head.”
“I know.” Sasuke murmured, taking a sip of his water before screwing the lid back on. He frowned a little bit, leaning his head back against the fridge. “You and him are alike in that regard, honestly. You’re both always in your heads. I just hope that what happened earlier didn't cause a fight.”
“No, it’s…complicated.” Naruto glanced towards the living room as they heard Suigetsu shout in triumph after knocking Gaara’s character off the race course. He scoffed softly and then leaned back against the wall, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “We’ve had a weird week, I guess. When he had dinner at my place last week he told me about his dad.”
The shift in Sasuke’s expression was subtle, a narrowing of his dark eyes and the slightest clench of his jaw. He nodded, though, and spared a glance towards the kitchen doorway as well before looking back at Naruto. “Yeah, Rasa is…a piece of work.”
“He’s a dick.” Naruto supplied bluntly, frowning to himself. Just thinking about the man left a sour taste in his mouth but it was sort of relieving to have someone else to mention it to. “Gaara felt sort of weird after telling me. He ghosted me all week until I went to his house yesterday and got him to talk to me.”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. “You waited a week before showing up to his house? Wow, that’s a new record. Usually it’s only three days, in my experience.”
Sasuke didn’t often joke about the hard times of their past relationship but it always sort of made Naruto feel a little conflicted when he did. He wanted to laugh, and he did, but a part of him was a little irritated at the reminder of his bad behavior from the past. He didn’t want to cause any problems with Sasuke, though, so he continued, “He…told me how he was feeling about it and I kind of understood where he was coming from. He was embarrassed and so I evened the playing field and told him about you and I. I think all of that was just still lingering in my mind when Suigetsu…mentioned that.”
He didn’t really want to say anything else and he especially didn’t want to bring up Gaara’s response to Naruto’s semi silent accusal.
Sasuke moved away from the fridge and walked over to Naruto, reaching out to gently hold Naruto’s wrist in his hand. “I’m sorry.” He said quietly, frowning softly as he glanced down at the floor. “I think you two might really be good for each other. Try not to let what I did when I was fucking up ruin what you two might have. Alright?”
Easier said than done, sure, but obviously Sasuke knew that. He was worried, though, and he wanted to see Naruto happy. Naruto had never doubted that, at least, when he and Sasuke split up.
Feeling silly and a little like he’d cry if Sasuke said anything else on the matter, Naruto forced up a breathless laugh as he lightly punched Sasuke’s arm. “Don’t get all sentimental on me, dude. Come on, before our boyfriends kill each other over a stupid video game.”
“You think them yelling at each other is bad?” Sasuke rolled his eyes and linked his arm with Naruto’s, leading him towards the living room. “You should see the rare chance Itachi can convince them both to play board games. Gaara flipped the board before and Suigetsu’s straight up walked away and went home.”
“I heard that!” Suigetsu shouted, glancing away from the Tv for a quick second before looking back, already engrossed in another race. “I left because Gaara was cheating!” He had the same tone an irritated child would when accusing someone of cheating in any sort of game.
“I didn’t realize being good at a game was considered cheating.” Gaara chimed in with a snort, ramming his elbow into Suigetsu’s side. Naruto fought back a smirk at the come back.
Suigetsu winced and shoved Gaara right back, frantically moving his fingers over the buttons on the controller. “You were too good at it. Therefore you were cheating.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works, bud.” Naruto smiled, sitting on the arm of the couch and watching the game. Gaara was currently in second place while Suigetsu was in first, though they were extremely close. Either of them could win. For the sake of Suigetsu’s pride, Naruto sort of hoped he won.
Suigetsu shot Naruto a small glare and Naruto returned it by sticking his tongue out at him. Suigetsu scoffed and looked back at the Tv. “I’m winning now and that’s what’s important.”
Gaara, at least, was a more humble loser than Suigetsu. At least right now; Naruto couldn’t speak for past incidents that Sasuke and Suigetsu snickered about. Gaara came in second place and watched Suigetsu shout in triumph, shooting to his feet and pointing at the Tv. “I won!”
Gaara rolled his eyes and looked towards Naruto and Sasuke, unamused. “It’s like playing with a toddler sometimes.”
“Says the board flipper.” Suigetsu ruffled Gaara’s hair obnoxiously, earning a sharp slap from the other’s hand. He laughed louder and flopped back down on the couch, kicking his feet up onto the living room table which would, without a doubt, earn him a swat from Sasuke soon enough. “Who wants to challenge me now?” He hummed, cocky in a way that only a person too invested in Mario Kart could be.
“I’ll do it.” Naruto slid off the arm of the couch, bumping into Gaara in the process. Gaara shot him a quick glare that kind of made a chill run down his spine, but the glare was quickly replaced by Gaara’s usual apathetic look. Naruto liked that better; at least he couldn’t visibly see the rage on his face. Naruto plucked the game controller out of Gaara’s hand and leaned forward to grin mischievously at Suigetsu. “I’m so going to kick your ass.”
“Game so on, Uzumaki.” Suigetsu leaned forward on the couch, elbows propped on his elbows.
The truest and strongest form for a gamer, of course.
Despite how the night had started, the rest of their hang out went over really well. Naruto beat Suigetsu at Mario Kart, barely, and the four of them played a few more rounds before switching to a movie. Gaara had suggested a horror movie which Suigetsu had agreed to, but they were overruled by Sasuke and Naruto both picking one of the dozens of superhero movies that had come out during the year. They ate some junk food Sasuke had in the kitchen. They ate some more Chinese food. They talked a lot.
Suigetsu, who traveled a lot for his job as a minor fashion model, was finally getting the rest of the year off until January which meant he’d be around more. Naruto was sure there would be more hangouts like this, and hang outs with some of their other friends as well; Suigetsu wasn’t super social but, with the right people, he knew how to have a good time. Naruto considered himself glad to be one of those “right” people.
Sasuke and Gaara talked a little more about their work here and there, mostly talking about upcoming designs they had and some clients they either loved or loathed working with. Naruto didn’t want to admit it but the few times Gaara had talked about working as a tattoo artist had been really nice. Gaara just seemed so passionate about it and Naruto really liked that. It was endearing to see someone speak about things they loved. It was nice because it was Gaara and Naruto was now deeply aware of how long it had taken Gaara to feel so good about something he did.
It was almost ten at night when Gaara finally heaved a heavy sigh and stood up. “I think I’m going to head home. It’s getting late.”
“Yeah, we went a little longer than I planned.” Sasuke smiled a bit, having reclined into Suigetsu quite some time ago, Suigetsu’s arm wrapped firmly around his waist. “There’s still some chinese food left if you want to take some home.”
“No, I’m good. Thanks, though.” Gaara assured with a small shake of his head. “I’ll see you around.”
“I’ll walk you out.” Naruto was rushing to his feet in mere moments. This would be the first chance he’d have to be alone with Gaara since the major blunder in the kitchen. Luckily Gaara didn’t refuse him. He didn’t say anything, actually, which was probably a clear sign that he wanted to be left alone but Naruto was going to ignore that.
Gaara pulled his shoes on by the front door and Naruto was just barely able to get his own on in time to rush out the front door after him, nearly dodging the closing door as he did so. It annoyed him, like most things he experienced with Gaara so far, but it could have been worse.
By now it was dark outside and so cold that their breaths puffed out in little clouds in front of them. Naruto shivered, regretting not grabbing his sweater, and marched after Gaara who seemed dead set on ignoring him entirely. “Gaara, hey!”
Gaara had parked at the very end of the driveway and when he reached his car he yanked the front door open and finally sighed, looking over at Naruto who stood near the front of the car. “What, Naruto? I don’t want to talk to you right now-”
“I know that.” Naruto crossed his arms and shivered again, frowning at the other. “But I want to talk to you. I’m sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have made assumptions about you but…can you blame me?”
Gaara frowned back at him and looked utterly exhausted as he shook his head a little. “I just…” He scowled softly. “Forget it.”
“No, don’t do that.” Naruto took a step closer, pausing when Gaara seemed to shrink a little at the action. He didn’t move from his spot after that, forcing himself not to shiver in the chilly night air. “What were you going to say?”
Gaara leaned against the open car door. He looked miserable, like the very conversation was draining him entirely. Maybe it was. He ran a hand through his hair before he finally slid into the front seat of his car and slammed the door shut. The window rolled down and Gaara looked at Naruto, defeated. “I just never would have done that to you. I thought I’d given you enough reason to believe that but I guess I’m always going to be a terrible person to you.”
Naruto wanted to shout about how unfair it was of Gaara to say that. He wanted to shout it at the top of his lungs but Gaara was driving away without another word. But was it really unfair of Gaara to say such a thing? Sure, they weren’t friends, but they were…something more than they had been in the past. Gaara had bared his aching soul to Naruto and Naruto knew, deep down, that there was no way Gaara would have ever gone out of his way to sleep with Sasuke out of spite. Gaara didn’t trust people enough to get close as it was and he and Sasuke were close friends. He wouldn’t have risked that, not even to spite Naruto. Besides, Gaara had always preferred to aim his irritation directly at Naruto instead of finding indirect ways to deal with it.
Naruto made his way back into Sasuke’s house only to gather his things and fake an enthusiastic goodbye to Sasuke and Suigetsu. He made his way to his own car and started on his way home, hoping to sleep away the mess of feelings buzzing in his brain.
2:15 a.m.
Sleep did not come to Naruto as easily as he had hoped it would. Sleep was hard enough as it was and the added anxiety was no help at all. He tossed and turned for hours, had buried his face in his pillow, and finally ended up staring up at his ceiling in defeat. The entire debacle at Sasuke’s house had been replaying over and over in his head and he hated it. What he hated more, though, had been what Gaara said before he drove away and how Naruto had no chance to get Gaara to stop and talk to him.
Gaara was the type to need space when he was feeling worked up or upset but Naruto wasn’t. He liked to talk about it as soon as he could to avoid situations just like this.
“I guess I’m always going to be a terrible person to you.”
Naruto didn’t really like hearing Gaara say that. When he was a teenager he had thought Gaara was a terrible person, sure. He’d assumed Gaara was spoiled and mean and he had no interest in trying to understand why Gaara was the way he was. Now, though? Now Naruto knew Gaara wasn’t a bad person. He had been a hurt and scared kid that didn’t know how to get help. All his rage had been terror in disguise and he had grown up to become an adult stuck in free fall, trying to discover who he was when he wasn’t fighting to survive.
Naruto didn’t think Gaara was a bad person, not now.
Before he could even register what was happening, Naruto was pulling on his shoes and was zipping a sweater, his phone shoved in his pocket. He quietly made his way out of his bedroom and down stairs, easing the front door open and slipping out silently. It wasn’t like his parents would care that he was going out late but he wasn’t trying to wake them up, either.
Soon enough, Naruto’s car was parked in front of Gaara’s house and he had his phone to his ear, waiting for Gaara to answer his call.
Surprisingly, Gaara answered after a few rings, his voice rough but lacking the obvious tone of someone who had been woken up. “Naruto.”
“Hey.” Naruto breathed, eyeing Gaara’s house and feeling entirely like some sort of creep. “Did I wake you?” He was sure he hadn’t but it only seemed polite to ask.
“I was already awake.” Gaara replied, confirming what Naruto had suspected. “What do you want?”
“Wanna go for a drive?”
“What?”
“A drive. In a car. With me.”
“Not particularly.” Gaara mumbled.
“Well, now this is awkward because I’m already parked outside your house.” Naruto forced up a small chuckle, leaning his head against the headrest of his seat.
There was a pause on Gaara’s end that was so long, Naruto began to wonder if he had hung up but then Gaara sighed loudly into the phone. “Naruto-”
“I’ll buy you something.” Naruto offered, patting the pocket of his sweater and thanking the heavens that his wallet was there. “There’s a burger place that’s open all night. I’ll get you whatever you want.” He hoped he didn’t sound as desperate as he thought he did. He really didn’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer at the moment.
There was another pause, smaller this time, and then Naruto heard rustling from Gaara’s end. “Give me a minute.” Was all Gaara said before he hung up, leaving Naruto in silence.
Well, that was actually a little easier than he had thought it would be. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if Gaara hadn’t answered the phone or if he had hung up on him. It would have been awfully embarrassing to have come all this way for nothing.
Gaara emerged from his front door after a minute or two and made his way towards the car, looking content in a short sleeved shirt and thin sweats in the cold night air like the maniac he was. He opened the passenger side door and slid in, shutting the door and slowly turning his head towards Naruto. They stared at each other for a moment before Gaara buckled his seatbelt. “A milkshake.”
“Hm?” Naruto didn’t waste any time and started driving, pulling away from Gaara’s house.
“You said you’d buy me something from the burger place.” Gaara clarified bluntly, arms crossed as he leaned back into his seat. “I want a milkshake. Preferably strawberry.”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll buy you a milkshake.” Naruto assured, keeping his eyes on the road.
The drive to the burger joint Naruto mentioned only took about ten minutes but the entire drive was silent. It wasn’t the comfortable sort of silence that Naruto would have been fine with. This silence was awkward and felt a little strained but Naruto didn’t want to shatter whatever shaky truce they had going on. Usually when Naruto drove he had the radio playing because music was a good distraction and could, at times, keep his mind busy. He didn’t have the radio on this time and he was sort of mentally kicking himself for not turning it on before Gaara got into the car. At least Gaara didn’t seem to mind the silence but that was sort of just an assumption.
Ten or so minutes later the two of them were parked in the dimly lit parking lot of the burger place, Gaara sipping a strawberry milkshake and Naruto sipping his own vanilla one. There were other cars in the parking lot, most of them young folks like themselves there for a treat or two, and no one really paid each other any mind. Naruto came here at night a lot, though not usually this late.
“I didn’t interrupt anything important when I called you, did I?” Naruto finally asked as he shoved his drink into a cup holder.
“No.” Gaara replied, sipping his milkshake slowly. “I was reading. Nothing important.”
Naruto wanted to ask what he had been reading but this wasn’t exactly the time for small talk. Not when he had taken Gaara out of his home at two in the morning. “I’m surprised you came out when I asked.”
“You were already outside.” Gaara said it like it was an obvious answer.
“Well, yeah, but you were pretty mad at me today.” Naruto murmured, picking at his steering wheel with his thumb.
Gaara sighed softly. “I wasn’t mad at you.”
“It’s totally okay if you were.” Naruto offered, because Gaara had definitely seemed pretty pissed.
“I wasn’t mad at you.” Gaara said again, setting his drink in the second cup holder and, after reaching for the little lever on the side of his seat, he reclined the seat all the way back until he was lying flat as if he were in his bed. His hands rested on his stomach, clasped gently, and he slowly looked over at Naruto. “I was mad at Suigetsu, sure, but not at you. I think I was…sad.”
Naruto…wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He looked back at Gaara, biting his lip anxiously for a moment or two. “I’m sorry I assumed that you’d sleep with Sasuke while he and I were still dating. I knew it wasn’t true but I…I just got so overwhelmed with anxiety the second Suigetsu said it and it wasn’t because of you.” He caved to the non existent peer pressure and reclined his seat backwards as well, but turned on his side a little so that he was still facing Gaara. With the dim light of the parking lot lights shining through one of the windows, Gaara’s patient expression was almost…calming. “I have a lot of hang ups about how my relationship with Sasuke ended. I always worried that I wasn’t doing enough or…being enough for him and when Suigetsu mentioned you and him I…my brain tried to jump to the conclusion that Sasuke would sleep with you because I wasn’t giving him enough of whatever he needed. And that you would do it to spite me but if you had done it to spite me, clearly I would have found out as soon as it happened.”
“Clearly.” Gaara agreed with a nod, though the slightest of smiles tugged at his lips. Or maybe it was a trick of the dim lighting.
“You guys were just really close when you started being friends.” Naruto offered softly, shrugging a little bit. He heard distant laughter from outside, most likely from the car of teenagers a few rows behind them that had been playing music and taking pictures with each other when he and Gaara had pulled in. “I shouldn’t have made that assumption but I did and that was why. I don’t…think you’re a terrible person, Gaara.”
He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to how easily he seemed to bare his soul to Gaara like this. It was weird but easy and he wasn’t sure what that meant or how he felt about it.
“Would it make you feel better if you knew the context?” Gaara asked seriously, watching him. When Naruto raised an eyebrow, confused, he made a vague sort of gesture with his hand. “If I told you why Sasuke and I slept together.”
“Oh.” Naruto hadn’t exactly planned on Gaara explaining any of this to him. Gaara was entitled to his secrecy and had, very clearly, wanted to keep this little tidbit a secret as long as he could. But the offer was nice and if Gaara was offering it then why not take the chance? “I don’t know if it would make me feel better but I’d like to know.”
Gaara nodded and shifted around, lying on his side like Naruto was, one hand cushioning his head. “You and Sasuke had been broken up for a few months. Four or five months, maybe, I don’t really remember. We were at his house just venting about work and life and everything else. Sasuke mentioned how he was feeling pent up because he hadn’t…you know, had sex or whatever, since you two broke up. It didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time because I had never done anything with anyone, or myself for that matter, and I didn’t understand how someone could be pent up.”
Naruto was a little sad by how unsurprised he was at Gaara’s lack of experience, even with his own body. He couldn’t exactly see Gaara as the type to explore his own body or anyone else’s, especially back then.
“I told Sasuke I didn’t understand and he tried to explain it.” Gaara continued, looking a little thoughtful as he recalled the memory. “He was mostly explaining how good it could feel when you did it with someone you trusted and who could make you feel good. I told him I’d never done it before and we sort of dropped the topic for a while. We ended up playing some video games for a while before Sasuke asked me if I wanted to try doing it with him, for my own sake and for the sake of whoever I ended up dating in the future..” He paused and glanced at Naruto, maybe to try and see his reaction, and when he seemed content with whatever look Naruto had on his face he continued. “I was caught off guard by the question, to be honest. It sounded…daunting. But Sasuke was my best friend and he’d seen me at my worst. I didn’t have any reason not to trust him so…I said yes and we did it. We did it maybe once or twice a month in the span of a year, maybe. He always left it up to me to suggest or initiate it because he didn’t want me to feel taken advantage of or pressured.”
Naruto nodded slowly, feeling even worse than he did before for the assumption he had made about Gaara. “Was it…good? I mean, he didn’t hurt you or anything?” Not that he even for a second thought Sasuke would hurt him, of course, but sex was a delicate thing when you were as reserved and tightly wound as Gaara was.
“It was good.” Gaara nodded stiffly, probably blushing. “I think it helped me a lot, to be honest.”
Naruto nodded again. “Sasuke…had mentioned that you wanted to keep it a secret. I was…worried that maybe you had feelings for him when you two were like that.”
Gaara didn’t look surprised by his admission. He shrugged as best as he could in his position. “I wasn’t in love with him or crushing on him. But…I think I tried to.”
That didn’t surprise Naruto the way he thought it would. He still waited patiently for Gaara to continue, seeing his uneasy expression and the way he was trying to look anywhere but at Naruto this time. This was already a hard enough conversation, clearly, and Naruto didn’t want to rush any information out of him now.
“I’ve never dated anyone, like I mentioned before.” Gaara finally looked back at him, their eyes meeting in the dark car. “I wanted to know what it was like to love someone like that and Sasuke just seemed like the most logical option; he was single and we were already sleeping together. I just…couldn’t make myself feel those feelings for him. I tried to. I tried really hard.”
Naruto’s heart ached a little bit for him. Had they been friends back then, or at least on the same page and not violent, Naruto would have told him that love isn’t something you can just force like that. Gaara probably knew that, though, and who could really blame him for trying?
The mental image alone was almost heartbreaking. He was sure Gaara had confused himself in the process, trying to add some sort of romantic desire to every casual touch he shared with Sasuke, trying to force himself to feel emotions he’d never had before.
“Did Sasuke know that you were trying to…you know. Fall for him?” Naruto couldn’t help but ask.
“No, definitely not.” Gaara actually scoffed at that. Or was it a chuckle? “It would have made it weird, I think. It was my own internal problem that he had no reason to be aware of. When I realized I didn’t feel that way about him I called off our whole sleeping together thing and we’ve just…been the same ever since. It didn’t change anything between us, which I had initially worried would happen.”
“Nah, man, Sasuke absolutely loves the hell out of you.” Naruto assured with a chuckle of his own. “I don’t think it would have changed anything with you two even if he did know but I understand why you didn’t tell him.”
Gaara nodded a little. “Thank you for listening, by the way.”
Naruto blinked in surprise. “Dude, I totally ruined your day. I was legally obligated to listen.”
“You didn’t ruin my day, Naruto.” Gaara assured him, pushing himself up a little bit so he could reach for his earlier discarded milkshake. He took a long sip, moving the straw around in the cup to try and break up some of the chunky mass of sugary goodness. “I was already feeling really bad about myself when I got there. I…guess our little problem just amplified it.”
“Why were you feeling bad?” Naruto asked him, watching him stir his straw around a few more times. Damn, his milkshake sounded kinda good now. He sat up and reached for his own, ripping the lid off so he could stab at it with his own straw, breaking up some chunks of ice cream. When Gaara didn’t respond, Naruto glanced over to see him frowning at his milkshake, looking like he was hesitant to reply. “You don’t have to tell me. But…you know, if you want to talk-”
“I felt shitty about what happened at my house yesterday.” Gaara said quickly, setting his cup down and falling back down into the reclined seat, frowning up at the roof of the car. “Not because I didn’t like it, because…unfortunately I did but I can’t believe I did that.”
Naruto’s face burned hot at the memory of Gaara’s body under his, at the way Gaara had moaned into his mouth. He cleared his throat and took a long sip of his drink, finding it hard to suppress a smile. “If it helps,” He said after a second, fixing Gaara with a smile that he knew looked way too self satisfied, if the way Gaara was scowling at him meant anything. “I liked it, too.”
Gaara’s eye roll was dramatic, something that made Naruto think he was more embarrassed than he was actually angry. God, he wished he had turned on the little light inside the car so he could see if Gaara was blushing, too.
Naruto took another sip of his drink before he set it down, flopping back down onto his own reclined seat, turned on his side with his head propped up in his hand. “It’s…okay that we enjoyed it. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” That was the magical part about it, now that Naruto had thought about it.
Gaara turned onto his side to face him again, watching him intensely in the dark car. Or as intensely as he could, all things considered. “But it is weird, isn’t it?”
“Because it’s you and I, sure.” Naruto nodded lazily. “But it isn’t a bad thing. We were both a little pent up and needed to get it out of our system. To be honest if we hadn’t been interrupted, I would have kept going.” He was a little surprised by his own bluntness about the whole ordeal but what was the point of lying? He was still a little embarrassed, of course he was. He’d made out with the dude he hated and had been moments away from ripping his clothes off in a living room.
Gaara had to be blushing if the way he was gawking at Naruto was any indicator. He brought a hand up to cover his face for a second, letting out a breath. “Naruto, this sounds ridiculous.”
“To you, sure. But just hear me out,” Naruto reached out, fingers wrapping around Gaara’s wrist to gently pry his hand away from his face. When Gaara’s eyes met his again Naruto offered him a small smile. “Casual sex is normal for a lot of people. I think that maybe it would be good for us if we wanted to do it. We don’t have to do it. Obviously. But…if we did, it might be good for the both of us. I mean, we annoy the hell out of each other without even trying. Imagine if the next time I annoyed you we just made out a little bit instead of bickering for half an hour.”
Gaara seemed to be thinking it over which was…a surprise. Naruto didn’t really think he’d think it over because it wasn’t something he ever imagined Gaara being into. Gaara was very particular about who touched him and who he let close to him. Naruto wasn’t really one of those people outside of their ‘relationship’. But Naruto, as previously stated, had gone a while since being physical with someone. Gaara had gone even longer. And if they were both consenting adults then what was the real issue if it helped them avoid pointless fighting?
“This is the exact thing we’re trying to disprove by fake dating.” Gaara pointed out finally, frowning softly.
Naruto shrugged. “We’re technically trying to prove that we aren’t secretly soul mates or whatever.” He told him with a small grin. “Which we aren’t. We don’t even like each other. But if we have some good sex here and there we can still stage a messy break up. The plus side of it is that neither of us has to be pent up and frustrated the whole time.”
It was his job to have the terrible ideas between the two of them.
Gaara eyed him, still unsure. Naruto finally let go of Gaara’s wrist, instead opting to gently punch Gaara in the shoulder. “Don’t stress about it, I’m just telling you that it’s on the table. I’m leaving it all up to you.”
“To me?” Gaara repeated, surprised. He shoved Naruto’s hand away from himself. “Why me?”
“Because you have more hang ups than I do.” Naruto replied bluntly. “And I mean that in the most polite way possible. It’s all up to you, okay? Say the word and I’ll fuck you any time you want.”
“You’re the worst.” Gaara punched him in the shoulder this time, ripping a hiss of pain from Naruto’s lips. Okay, he deserved that. Gods, he just knew Gaara’s face was bright red in the dark. But Gaara didn’t look mad when he spoke again. “I’m not saying yes or no.”
Naruto grinned wider, making Gaara roll his eyes at him again. “Oh, stop looking at me like that and take me home, Uzumaki. I have an early appointment tomorrow.”
Naruto took pity on him and, despite the burning urge to embarrass Gaara more, he did what he was asked. The drive back to Gaara’s was far more comfortable than before, this time with the radio on low playing some 80’s pop music to fill the silence. Gaara, for his part, seemed a bit more relaxed and Naruto hoped that their conversation had fixed everything. He didn’t plan on Gaara sharing so much with him but it was starting to seem like Gaara would share a lot with him if he only poked at him a little. He wasn’t sure what to make of that but he considered it a win in some way.
Naruto stopped his car outside of Gaara’s house and looked over as he started to get out of the car. “Try to sleep if you can. You’ll have a killer headache if you stay up all night and do tattoos tomorrow morning.” He knew that Gaara knew that already.
Gaara stepped out of the car, into the cold night air, and glanced back at Naruto. “I’ll try. Drive safe.”
Naruto waited until he saw Gaara step back into his house before driving away. When he got back home he eased the front door open and quietly stepped inside, kicking off his shoes by the door. The kitchen light was on, making him curious, and he shuffled into the kitchen to see his dad leaning against the counter, his phone in one hand and his other hand spooning cereal from a bowl on the counter into his mouth.
Minato glanced his way and smiled, waving his spoon in greeting. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Naruto replied with a smile of his own, going over and peering into the bowl. He grimaced. “That’s a sugary cereal for…” He gleaned toward a clock on the wall and winced. “For almost four in the morning.”
“I know but I couldn’t fall back asleep after I woke up to use the bathroom.” Minato sighed dramatically, glancing back at his phone. “What were you doing out so late?”
“I was with Gaara.” Naruto replied as he plucked the spoon out of his dad’s hand, using it to scoop up some cereal from the bowl himself. He chewed slowly, grimacing at how soggy the cereal already was, and he passed the spoon back to his dad.
Minato took it back with a grin. “With Gaara, huh? Everything alright?” He asked, setting his phone down on the counter so he could focus on the conversation.
“Everything is fine.” Naruto assured with a shrug. “We were just talking about some stuff. Total crisis aversion, if I do say so myself.”
“Well, good.” Minato murmured, yawning a bit before he fixed Naruto with a softer smile. “You should bring him by for dinner again sometime. Your mother and I want to try to avoid accidentally bringing up his traumatic childhood this time.”
Naruto snorted softly. “I’ll bring him by again.” He was sure it wouldn’t be hard now that Gaara had survived one dinner in the Uzumaki household so far. With a final glance at the clock on the wall he groaned softly and offered a small wave to his dad as he headed out of the kitchen. “I’m heading to bed. Night, Dad.”
Notes:
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Chapter 5
Notes:
Can you believe I forgot that these two have to fake date for several months? Yes, we are finally giving way to the passage of time little by little, meaning this fic may end up longer than I intended but hey, that's okay!
Hope you guys enjoy this one!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wednesday, November 22nd, 10:40 a.m.
“Are you sure you don’t need a break yet?” Gaara pulled away from Ino’s thigh, setting his tattoo gun down for a moment so he could stretch his hand for a second. He’d been busily tattooing Ino’s upper right thigh for nearly two hours, the buzzing noise of the gun and the voices of the random sitcom Ino had put on the Tv in his tattooing room blurring together to make a calming and familiar white noise.
“No, I think I’m good.” Ino assured, reaching for a bottle of water Gaara had set down for her before they started. She took a long sip and glanced down at her thigh, taking in the sight of the sunflower stenciled onto her skin, long stalks of lavender sprouting out behind it. It was a design Gaara had spent several days agonizing over, mostly because he always stressed extra hard when doing a tattoo for a friend. Ino had been super enthusiastic about it, though, and even now she was grinning brightly at the half finished result. “It’s looking awesome, oh my god. You’re so good at this.”
Gaara smiled a little as he started to switch out the colors for his tattoo gun, aiming to color in the lavender stalks first before the sunflower. “Thanks. You’re doing great, as well. Just let me know if you need a break or even want to just stand and stretch for a second. Do you need a snack?” They had fruit snacks and a few other things on hand.
“I’m all good.” Ino assured, setting her water down and relaxing back on the bench, sighing softly. “Did you eat this morning?”
Gaara’s smile widened a bit as he glanced over at her. “I did, actually.” He had eaten half a pancake and some orange slices, which wasn’t much but was more than he usually ate in the morning, but Ino didn’t need to know that. “How’s work going?”
Ino was a child mental health therapist, a job that Gaara knew must have been exhausting and perhaps a little traumatizing in its own regard. She loved it, though. She was very passionate about helping children.
“Same as usual.” She replied, examining her nails for a moment before dropping her hands to her sides. “A few new clients which is always an adventure. Nothing exciting to report.”
“That’s probably a good thing.” Gaara offered. He had finished getting the new colors set up and swiveled his chair back towards Ino, lifting the tattoo gun again and setting it against the skin of her thigh. He started it up and went back to work, glancing up at her. “What’s Sai up to today?”
“Work.” Ino smiled a little bit. “He’s at the office today, though. He hates going in but he’s supposed to present his new design to the whole team.”
“The glorious life of graphic design.” Gaara mused. He wasn’t actually sure what Sai did for work, exactly, but after so long he figured it would be rude to ask. “Has he finished working on that tattoo design he promised me?”
Sai wanted Gaara to tattoo him really, really badly, but wanted to create his own design. Gaara was fine with that, of course. It saved him the anxiety of creating a design for a friend on his own and possibly getting it wrong.
Ino laughed a little bit and shook her head. “No. He can’t decide on a design. He’s made a few but then he keeps coming up with different ones.”
“He does know that I can tattoo him more than once, right?” Gaara mused, watching as lavender purple began to slowly fill the lavender stalks on his friend’s thigh. “Sasuke can too. And Hinata. Hell, even Itachi.”
“I know, I know.” Ino waved a dismissive hand. “He just wants his first one to be really special. He says the design he picks has to really speak to him. You artists and your need for perfection.”
Gaara glanced up at her again, smiling wryly. “Well, it’s not like this art is going permanently onto his skin or anything.”
Ino glared playfully at him. “How are you and your man?”
Gaara looked back at the tattoo, moving his chair a little bit to change his angle. He and Naruto had been trying to talk ever since that day at Sasuke’s, something Gaara had been trying to be better at if only for Naruto’s sake. Most of their conversations consisted of Naruto sending pictures of something he was doing during the day and Gaara commenting on it or occasionally Gaara sending a picture of Shukaku or something mundane like that. They were usually short conversations but they were…okay.
Truthfully, Gaara still felt absolutely mortified by what had happened the last time Naruto was in his house. It wasn’t like Gaara had planned on making out with him. That was the last thing on his mind that evening when Naruto had shown up on his doorstep. He just didn’t expect to feel so comfortable so quickly in Naruto’s lap that night. He didn’t plan on purposefully trying to start a fight to try and regain some sort of familiar tension that he was comfortable with. The tension had been there, yeah, but it had been tinged with a deeply rooted desire that Gaara wasn’t used to feeling.
Gaara hadn’t actually had sex since the last time he slept with Sasuke and that had been several years ago. No one had really sparked his interest and he wasn’t really down with casual sex, at least not with people he didn’t know at all. He could respect people who did but it wasn’t for him and no friends of his had expressed interest or stirred any within him.
But then Naruto’s touch had started to feel good and their bickering had made something in Gaara’s gut burn hot and heavy, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a while.
So yeah, he’d been a little horny. He was mortified by it and by the fact that he had kissed Naruto first…but he’d been a little more mortified by the fact that Naruto had kissed him back. Naruto had kissed him like it made sense to do it, like he’d been thinking about it before. He had touched Gaara so eagerly and Gaara had melted into all of it. Gaara had wanted it. Gaara had wanted more of it and that was insane, wasn’t it?
No, it was just human nature. What was insane was Naruto offering, in the privacy of his dark car, to do it again. He’d made a good point, Gaara admitted, when he mentioned it possibly helping them avoid fighting too much. It was such an embarrassing idea, though. Sleeping with Naruto, of all people?
“We’re good.” Gaara murmured, leaning away from Ino a bit to look at the tattoo and make sure the coloring looked good so far. “It’s been a busy week so we haven’t seen each other much but we text.”
“I’m going to be honest Gaara,” Ino began, her smile a little sheepish when Gaara glanced at her. “I’m really surprised you guys are still together. It’s almost been a whole month and that’s way longer than a lot of us expected.”
Gaara smirked a little bit. “Well, that’s what happens when you make assumptions.” He told her, going back to the tattoo.
“I know, I know.” She sighed softly. “The two of you should come by for dinner some time. We’re having Lee and Sakura over next Tuesday. You two should come, too.”
He weighed the options before him. Refusing it meant avoiding having to act like a proper couple in front of other people which wasn’t exactly hard but it did take a lot of mental energy on his own part. However, refusing would be rude and Gaara had no desire to be rude to Ino or Sai. “I’ll talk to him about it and one of us will let you know.”
“Awesome.” She beamed brightly at him and Gaara couldn’t help but smile back; Ino just had a contagious sort of grin.
4:50 p.m.
Fresh out of a shower and dressed in baggy sweats and a black hoodie he’d spotted on his bedroom floor, Gaara plopped down at his gaming desk and booted up his PC. His Tv was playing in the background, some kids cartoon he was barely paying attention to, and he drug his eyes away from his PC screen to look towards his phone that sat on his desk. He scooped it up, opening up his chat history with Naruto, seeing a message that had come through while he was in the shower.
Mom and Dad want you to come over for dinner again.
Gaara wasn’t exactly thrilled about that but it didn’t summon up the same knot of dread that it did the first time. He started typing out a reply and then frowned, deleting it and instead pressing the call button.
Naruto answered almost immediately, meaning his phone was either right in his hand or he had been waiting for Gaara to reply. Gaara was pretty sure it had been the first option. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Your text reminded me,” Gaara began, glancing at his PC as it came to life. “Ino and Sai want us to go over to their place for dinner next Tuesday. Lee and Sakura will be there as well.”
Naruto hummed a little bit and Gaara heard the sound of his car door shutting. Maybe he stayed at the school later than usual. “What did you tell her?”
“That I’d ask you.”
“Oh?”
“I wasn’t going to make a choice without asking you. I’m not a monster.”
Naruto laughed a little bit and Gaara heard his car start up. “Well, yeah, we can do that. It sounds fun and we’ll get a free meal out of it. Besides, Sakura has been dying to hang out with us as a couple so we’re really killing two birds with one stone here.”
“I’ll text Ino and let her know.” Gaara murmured, slowly spinning his gaming chair in a lazy circle. “I did a tattoo for her this morning.”
“Oh, yeah! She posted it on Instagram a bit ago.” He could hear the grin in Naruto’s voice. “It looked really good. Did you do it all in one go?”
“Mhm.”
“Nice.”
“Thanks.” Gaara bit his lip, glancing up at his ceiling. “That’s all I had to talk about. It was easier than texting.”
“Considering how dryly you text, I can imagine.” Naruto retorted. “Are you just hanging out at home now?”
“Mhm.” Gaara nodded to himself. “I’m probably going to game for a while. Neji and Kiba might be online soon.”
“Sounds fun.” Naruto murmured back. “I’m headed home. Nothing exciting tonight. Which brings me back to my text earlier; mom and dad want you to come to dinner again.”
Gaara grunted in response, balancing his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he reached for his gaming headset, carefully unwrapping the cord. “We can do that. Let’s tackle dinner with Ino first.”
“Are you overwhelmed with too many requests to do things?” Naruto was genuinely asking this question, trying to figure out how Gaara’s anxiety and social battery worked. He’d been doing that recently. Gaara wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
“Sort of.” Gaara admitted. The idea of dinner with Naruto’s parents wasn’t as daunting as it was before. They had liked him well enough even if he had been really awkward. “I don’t like to make too many plans at once. I get exhausted easily and sometimes I need a few days to recharge.”
“I can understand that.” Naruto replied. “Usually after group gatherings I need some time to myself to calm myself down and just let myself rest. So yeah, we’ll tackle one event at a time.”
Gaara nodded a little bit even though he knew Naruto couldn’t see it. “I’ll let you go so you can drive.”
“Sounds good.” Naruto yawned into the phone. “Talk to you later, Sweetums.”
Gaara sighed. Loudly. “I’ll drive to your house and kill you.”
Naruto cackled loudly, making Gaara roll his eyes. “Sorry, sorry. It’s been a long day and I needed a good reaction. I’m going, I’m going.”
Naruto hung up and Gaara set his phone aside on his desk, shaking his head to himself. He was glad that there was less anxious tension between them. They weren’t entirely dreading interacting with each other like they did in the beginning and, while they were still working on how to coexist without blowing their cover, it was starting to feel a little okay.
Gaara wasn’t sure how he felt about that, either.
Tuesday, November 28th, 9:05 a.m.
Gaara wasn’t a morning person. He especially wasn’t a morning person when his insomnia had kept him up until almost six in the morning when he had to be up at nine. That being said, when Shukaku was sitting on his chest and yowling at him for breakfast, Gaara had no choice but to get up and start his day. He had scooped up Shukaku and carried him out of his room, headed for the kitchen.
Kiba was in the kitchen, leaning back against one of the counters while sipping a cup of what Gaara was pretty sure was coffee. Kiba looked how Gaara felt; exhausted. They locked eyes as Gaara shuffled in and Kiba nodded a bit at him. “Mornin’ Gaara.”
“Morning, Kiba.” Gaara set Shukaku on the floor, watching the cat stiffen the moment he spotted Kiba’s large dog, Akamaru, laying at Kiba’s feet. Akamaru’s tail started to wag lazily when he saw Shukaku and Shukaku hissed in his direction, jumping up onto the counter by the stove. Gaara smiled a little and reached down to gently pet Akamaru’s head. “Morning, Akamaru.”
“You heading to the shop?” Kiba asked through a yawn, one hand rubbing at one of his eyes sleepily.
Gaara nodded, opening the pantry door to grab Shukaku’s cat food. “Yeah. I have designs to work on and email to clients. A few appointments. Naruto and I are going to Ino and Sai’s later this evening. What are you doing up so early, anyway?”
Kiba was a vet tech at their county’s largest twenty-four hour veterinary hospital. He had been switched to working the overnight shift several months ago and he despised it with a burning passion but did it anyways due to their, at the time, lack of staffing. It was rare to see him up before noon most days, even when he slept over.
Kiba sighed into hos coffee. “I’m up because your brother had a video meeting with some big bosses and I have to go back to work at eleven anyways.”
Gaara poured some food into Shukaku’s bowl and then looked back at Kiba, confused. “You worked last night. I literally watched you get ready and leave for work at eleven at night. What do you mean you have to go back this morning?”
Shukaku scurried across the counter towards his bowl and Gaara lifted the bowl up and out of the cat’s reach, earning him an irritated meow. He set the bowl down next to Shukaku’s water bowl, resting beside the pantry door, and then put the bag of cat food away.
“One of our usual morning girls went into a very early labor.” Kiba murmured, finishing up his coffee. He went over to the sink and started washing his cup out. Gaara always liked that about Kiba; he always cleaned up after himself. “They asked me if I could cover her shift. I have the next few days off so I agreed. Extra money or whatever. Plus, they’re finally agreeing to sit and talk to me about getting me back to working morning shifts all the time like I used to.” Satisfied with how clean his cup was, Kiba placed it in the dish drying rack before he turned back to Gaara, arms crossed as he fought off a yawn. And failed. Failed so miserably to fight off that yawn. “These night shifts are killing me, dude. I can’t believe I lasted this long.”
Gaara nodded in agreement as grabbed two granola bars from the pantry, closing the door gently. “I can’t believe it, either. You can use my bed if you want to go back to sleep, you know. Since Kankuro’s in his meeting. I don’t mind.”
Kiba shot him a small smile. “I appreciate it but I’m alright. It might be easier for me to stay awake at this point.”
“Kiba.” Gaara hoped his expression conveyed how concerned he was. Kiba pushed himself too hard at times in a way that was almost painfully similar to Temari. It made Gaara worry. “Seriously. If you need to sleep then sleep.”
“You look just like your brother when you give me that look.” Kiba shuddered dramatically, laughing a little bit. “Seriously, though. Thank you, Gaara, I appreciate it. I think I’m just gonna take Akamaru for a long walk so he isn’t too hyper today since I’m leaving him here with Kankuro.”
Gaara took a bite of one of his granola bars and headed out of the kitchen, being sure to shove the second granola bar into Kiba’s hand. “Then make sure you eat. Drink water, too.”
Kiba and Shikamaru were not people Gaara had initially ever planned on caring about. Shikamaru had been…civil with him, despite his initial rocky relationship with Lee and the others. He and Shikamaru had been study pals a few times in high school which was how Shikamaru had met Temari in the first place. He’d been terrible at hiding his crush back then but Temari had been too wrapped up in work and raising Gaara and Kankuro to notice. Shikamaru hadn’t even made a move on Temari until he and Gaara had both graduated, mostly because there was a decent age gap between Temari and himself and, well, Temari hadn’t made it easy. She liked the chase, Gaara assumed, but the two had been going strong for years now.
Kiba was an entirely different story. Kankuro and Kiba had become fast friends in high school, even with Kankuro being a whole two years and grades older. Kiba had been a sporty kid which was a far cry from Kankuro, who had been in robotics and creative writing and any other creative class he could find that challenged his brain. They had met because they shared a biology class together and were year long lab mates and, unfortunately for Gaara, the two of them had clicked pretty well. Kankuro was witty and a smart ass and could appreciate a good joke when he wasn’t worried about Gaara or Temari. Kiba, despite his outward persona, was a thoughtful and passionate person. They sort of evened each other out and their friendship had been pretty solid. Gaara was pretty sure they had been dating for at least a year before they actually said it out loud but that wasn’t any of his business; they’d “officially” started dating a year and a half after Kiba and Gaara graduated.
Gaara had expected to tolerate the two at best and ignore them completely but he had been surprised to find himself loving them like brothers. Shikamaru and Kiba didn’t treat him like their partners’ little brother. They treated him like a friend. Like their own brother, really, in a way Gaara wasn’t expecting. He had thought he’d be dismissed or looked down on, which wasn’t really fair considering they were sort of his friends at some point in their high school timeline but he didn’t expect them to care about him. It wasn’t just them, either. Kiba’s mother and sister loved all three of the Sabaku siblings, taking them all in as her own. Shikamaru’s parents had swept them all up as well, treating not just Temari like family, but Kankuro and Gaara as well.
It was a life that Gaara, when he was young and still living with his father, would have never thought he’d have.
11:20 a.m.
Hinata’s arms draped around Gaara’s shoulders from behind, her chin resting on his shoulder as she peered at the sketch he had pulled up on the screen of his computer. Gaara relaxed a bit into her presence, grunting softly in acknowledgment.
“That’s gorgeous.” Hinata murmured, one finger pointing at the delicate curve of a stag’s antlers. “The antlers look awesome. It’s just a skull piece, nothing else?”
“I’m not so sure yet.” Gaara admitted, cocking his head to the side, knocking it gently into Hinata’s cheek. “My client wanted the stag skull for sure but wasn’t sure what else to add to it. I’m thinking maybe leaves or some sort of flower element in it.”
She hummed in response, thinking it over. “What about mushrooms? You can have some sprouting near the base of the skull or even some small ones sprouting from the antlers. Mushrooms and skulls go well together.”
Indeed they did. Hinata was quite popular at their shop for having mushroom centered designs. Gaara smiled a little bit. “That may work, actually. I’ll sketch it out and email a few ideas to the client. I think they’d like that, though.”
Hinata pulled away from him and Gaara swiveled his chair around, looking up at her. She had tied her hair up into a high ponytail today, revealing the small lotus flower tattoo behind her ear. She glanced at her watch before smiling a bit at Gaara. “I’m heading out early today. Do you want me to pick you up some lunch or something before I leave? I have time.”
“No, I’m alright.” Gaara stood up and forced himself to stretch his arms and his back, hearing a few pops that made him cringe a little. “I don’t have many appointments today. Just sketches and emails. I’ll probably take over the front desk for a bit.” Itachi was there currently, though he had a few pretty big appointments coming up. Sasuke was off for the day, leaving Deidara and Gaara left in the shop while Itachi was busy. Deidara was doing a few piercing appointments today but, other than that, he and Gaara were pretty much free to idle around the shop.
“If you’re sure.” Hinata went over to her own desk, grabbing her work bag and slinging it over her shoulder. “Well, I’ll see you later, then. Have a good day, Gaara.”
“You too, Hina.” Gaara watched her go, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans.
As Hinata left the store, offering Itachi one of her usual dazzling smiles, Deidara stepped put of his work room with a teen girl and her mother following after. The girl’s nose sported a brand new piercing and she grinned brightly, hanging on to Deidara’s every word as he went over proper cleaning and care instructions. Deidara, Hinata, and Konan were the usual piercers at the shop. Sasuke did it from time to time but not often and Gaara…Gaara sort of hated it. It wasn’t like it was gross or anything, because Gaara had a strong stomach and wasn’t squeamish about blood, but it just didn’t spark anything in him like doing a tattoo did. That being said, he wasn’t immune to the buzzing excitement that came with doing someone’s first piercing.
When Deidara had sent his clients off with a care package and the proper paperwork he made his way to the staff area, collapsing onto the couch with a loud and dramatic sigh. “Gaara, I love this job but sometimes the parents kill me.”
“Uh oh.” Gaara sat on the arm of the couch and smiled a bit. “I’m guessing that girl’s mother wasn’t very discrete with her disapproval?”
“Not one bit.” Deidara shook his head, looking mildly annoyed. “The kid was thrilled which was all that matters but still. The mom had a comment for everything. I’m surprised the kid didn’t snap at her because I almost did. Like, shit man, let the kid enjoy herself.”
Deidara was very passionate about these things, just as the rest of them were. Gaara offered another small smile and shrugged his shoulders a little bit. “It’s over now. No use getting all worked up about it.”
Deidara nodded in agreement, tilting his head back against the couch and letting his eyes close. “Yeah, you’re right. How are your designs coming along?”
“Fairly well, actually.” Gaara answered, glancing towards his work desk. “Hinata might have helped me finish a design I’ve been struggling with.”
“Bless that woman.” Deidara murmured with a fond smile. That was the thing Gaara really loved about Deidara. He could be crass and loud and a little in your face from time to time but he cared. He cared a lot, especially about those close to him. He took great care of them at the shop, always making sure they felt secure and safe and free to be as creative as possible. Things a lot of them struggled with as children.
“I think I’m going to leave a little early today.” Gaara told Deidara after a moment. Deidara glanced over at him and he continued, “I’m going to pick up Naruto. We have a dinner thing to go to.”
“How romantic.” Deidara snickered, teasing a blush onto Gaara’s face. He sat up a bit and glanced at a clock on the wall. “That should be fine, though. You never ask to leave early. Just cover the front desk for a bit until two-thirty and you should be set to go.”
“I can do that.” Gaara assured, standing up and shuffling towards the front desk. Itachi spun his chair around at the sound of his arrival, offering a small smile his way. Gaara smiled back. “I’m taking over for you. You’ve got a client coming in about thirty minutes, don’t you?”
“Indeed I do.” Itachi stood up, pulling his glasses off and pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “I think I’ve got another migraine coming.”
“There’s medicine in Hinata’s drawer.” Gaara offered, reaching for a water bottle Itachi had left on the desk and gently pushing it into the older man’s hand. “Take some and drink water. Try to eat something too if you can.”
Itachi nodded mutely and walked away, leaving Gaara to shake his head as he sat down at the desk. Both Uchiha brothers were terrible at taking care of themselves. Deidara and Suigetsu were blessings, really, and knew how to keep the both of them on track when it came to their own health. Sasuke got a double dose of it, actually, because he lived with Deidara and Itachi, and Deidara tended to turn into a doting parent when Sasuke was sick or not feeling well.
The rest of Gaara’s day was uneventful. Between checking in clients and answering phone calls and emails, he worked on a few more designs. He sent Naruto a few texts throughout the day to make sure he still needed to be picked up. Naruto’s father had needed to borrow his car for the day and Gaara had, out of the kindness of his heart, agreed to pick Naruto up for dinner at Ino’s. It was a nice thing to do. Even being alone in close proximity to Naruto still made his pulse quicken but he wasn’t going to think about that.
When two-thirty rolled around and Deidara took his place at the desk, Gaara gathered his things and made his way out to his car. It was chilly out, a sign that it was going to be pretty cold for the rest of the year. He had been smart enough to wear a nice pull over sweater.
The drive to the preschool Naruto worked at didn’t take long. The parking lot was a little crowded so Gaara parked across the street, stepping out of his car only to lean against it while he waited. There were parents coming out of the building with little kids in tow and other parents going in to pick up their little ones. There were a few adults that looked like employees there too, holding the hands of kids and keeping watch until their parents showed up to get them. Naruto was among them, kneeling down and talking animatedly with a little girl who looked absolutely enamored with him.
Cute. That sort of fit Naruto. Being the goofy and fun teacher that the kids adored. He had the personality for it.
Gaara waited for the initial crowd of parents and kids to dwindle, watching Naruto chat with some parents as he handed off kids here and there. He looked entirely in his element, like this really was the job he was meant to do and it was nice to see. Gaara was sure that Naruto was one of the best teachers there.
Naruto glanced his way as he led the little girl from before over to her father, grinning a bit as he offered up a wave in Gaara’s direction. Gaara waved back, smiling a bit despite himself, but made no attempt to move away from the safety of his spot across the street. He wasn’t much for mingling with strangers or giant groups of kids for that matter. Plus, he didn't really want to get in the way of Naruto working.
It took another ten minutes for Naruto to finally make his way to Gaara, a backpack slung over one shoulder. He was grinning a bit as he approached, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of a dark blue jacket. “Sorry to keep you waiting. It was my day to help with pick up duty and it tends to run long depending on the day.”
“It’s alright. We have time before Ino and Sai are expecting us.” He assured with a small shrug of his shoulders. “I told Ino we’d swing by around four and it’s…” He paused to pull out his phone and check the time. “A little after three.”
“Sweet,” Naruto nodded. “Can we stop by my place, then? I really don’t want to wear this over there. I’ve been chasing kids in it all day and it’s sweaty and gross.”
Gaara made a show of leaning closer to sniff the other, wrinkling his nose in exaggerated disgust. “You’re right. You stink.” He smirked a bit.
Naruto gawked at him in surprise, scoffing softly. “Wow, you’re actually making jokes? Must be a good day for you.” He gave him a light shove before he moved away to get into the passenger seat of the car.
Gaara climbed into the driver seat and started the car up, slowly driving away from the preschool. “How was your work day?”
“Very busy.” Naruto replied as he buckled his seat belt. “Some days the kids have endless energy and today was one of those days. It was hard to keep them on track but we got through it.”
“You have more strength than I do, I’ll give you that.” Gaara murmured softly.
“How was your day?” Naruto offered. This was…sort of a casual and familiar thing for them now that they were trying to communicate better.
“Boring, actually.” Gaara admitted. “I just worked on designs and watched the front desk, really.”
“At least you got to leave early.” Naruto pointed out. “I hardly ever get to leave work early. Not that I usually want to, of course. But still.”
The drive to Naruto’s house was calm. Naruto had reached over to turn the radio on at one point, making Gaara want to scoff at how comfortable the other was in his car now but he kept that to himself. It was a good sign that Naruto was still comfortable around him, even after Gaara had practically jumped his bones that night. The thought of it made Gaara blush and he shook those thoughts away, focusing on the road ahead of him.
Minato and Kushina were both gone when he and Naruto made their way inside the house. Gaara was a bit relieved at that, not yet ready to face the other’s parents after that first initial dinner. The two of them made their way up to Naruto’s room where Gaara made himself comfortable reclining back into the pillows on Naruto’s bed; he didn’t miss the irony of him making himself at home in Naruto’s room after scoffing at the idea of Naruto being comfortable around him as well.
Naruto strode over to his closet and yanked the door open, looking over his clothes. “It’s gonna be pretty chilly when we leave their place tonight, huh?”
“Most likely.” Gaara replied, scooping up the remote to the Tv and turning it on, putting on some random youtube game playthrough. “You’ll probably be fine with a long sleeve, though. You won’t be out in the cold long.”
“Fair.” Naruto replied thoughtfully.
Gaara tore his gaze away from the Tv after a moment to see if Naruto was still trying to decide what to wear, but when he was met with the sight of Naruto pulling off his shirt he felt his heart skip a beat. Naruto’s back was to him and he wasn’t even aware that Gaara was gawking at him, which Gaara was thankful for. But Gaara felt like a creep, watching the way Naruto’s back muscles moved as he tossed his discarded shirt aside and started looking for a new one.
Gaara had seen Naruto shirtless on a handful of occasions, mostly during summer time when all of their friends convinced them to attend the same pool party or something along those lines. Gaara had never paid Naruto much mind back then but it wasn’t like seeing Naruto shirtless was a new thing. So why in the hell couldn’t he look away?
It was that damn night on Gaara’s couch. The way they had kissed each other like they were starving for it. The way Naruto’s fingers had felt on his skin.
Gaara sucked in a sharp breath as he tore his gaze away, grabbing one of Naruto’s blankets and wrapping it tightly around himself. He forced himself to focus, to breathe, to stop thinking about how it would feel to run his own hands all over Naruto’s back and chest. He didn’t like his newfound sex drive that was trying to make itself known. If it included anyone other than Naruto then at least he wouldn’t feel so conflicted about it.
Naruto sitting down beside him on the bed ripped Gaara from his thoughts. Naruto had a shirt on now, a long sleeved pastel blue shirt. The color didn’t particularly suit him but Gaara wasn’t about to tell him that. At least he had a damn shirt on.
Naruto poked at the blanket Gaara wrapped around himself. “Did you get cold or something?”
Gaara nodded stiffly. “A little.”
“You never get cold.” Naruto murmured as he glanced at his phone for the time. “We still have some time. I’m gonna grab a quick snack from the kitchen. You want anything?”
Gaara shook his head, trying to focus on the Tv and not warmth radiating off of Naruto’s body beside him. “No. Thank you, though.”
“Suit yourself.” Naruto slid off the bed and headed for the door, leaving Gaara to silently scream at himself for whatever the fuck his body was doing to him.
4:07 p.m.
“We’re so glad you guys could make it.” Ino led Naruto and Gaara into the apartment, smiling over her shoulder at them. “Lee and Sakura just got here a bit ago, too.”
The apartment was Sai’s. He had moved in a few years ago and Ino was slowly moving her stuff in as well, though was dreading telling her parents. It wasn’t like her parents would be upset that she was moving out finally. They would have been thrilled, actually, from what Gaara knew about them. Ino was just a little sentimental and had never lived away from her mom and dad before. Gaara suspected that Ino was dragging the moving process along so slowly for her own benefit and that was fine; Sai was patient with her and didn’t mind either way.
Sai was in the living room when they walked in, pouring Sakura and Lee some wine in fancy glasses. He glanced over at them and smiled brightly. “Hey, guys. Would you like some wine?”
“No thanks.” Naruto’s nose crinkled a little in disgust. “It tastes the way I imagine bug spray would taste.”
Gaara snorted a little bit but he couldn’t really disagree; he hated wine. When Sai turned his curious gaze to him, he shook his head. “None for me, either.” He murmured as he and Naruto sat down on one of the two couches, seated across from the other couch where Sakura and Lee sat.
Sai nodded and poured two more glasses for himself and Ino before he set the now empty wine bottle on the living room table. He and Ino were seated on the other couch with Lee and Sakura as well. Sakura took a sip from her wine glass and hummed at the taste, head tilting a bit. “Oh, that’s really sweet. I like it.”
“I’ve been trying to branch out.” Sai murmured with a shrug, taking a sip from his own glass. He looked towards Naruto and Gaara, his lips tugging up into another smile. “It’s sort of unreal seeing you two together like this.”
It had really only been a handful of their friends who had seen them as a couple so far. No one had said anything about it, save for Sakura who had apparently been begging Naruto for some sort of couples hang out, but Gaara was sure that the novelty of the situation had yet to wear off for some of their friends. It still hadn’t exactly worn off for them, either.
“It’s cute, though.” Sakura offered with a soft grin, setting her wine glass on the living room table. “I’m so used to trying to keep you two away from each other all the time. This is a really nice change.”
Gaara did sort of feel bad about that now that he knew he and Naruto could mostly get along. The years his friends had spent trying to play a balancing game between them, keeping them in the same orbit but never allowing them to get close enough to start fighting if it could be helped. Hell, he knew there were at least a handful of events they had ruined just by arguing with each other but their friends had been too kind hearted to say so. Considering how easily he and Naruto could get along, weird make out moment aside, Gaara felt a little bad. But it was overshadowed by the fact that their friends had never really taken his or Naruto’s discomfort with each other seriously.
He felt a little less bad and just a little more justified in this fake dating nonsense all over again.
Naruto seemed more than eager to change the topic as he looked at Sakura, “Can’t believe you got a whole evening free.”
“Tell me about it.” She sighed heavily as she leaned back into the couch. “I’ve been doing such long hours at the hospital lately that it almost feels illegal to have free time. I’m really glad to have a few days off, though. I’ve been able to hang out more and the amount of housework I’ve caught up on is insane.”
Lee shot her a fond yet exasperated look. “I keep offering to help with the housework.” He looked towards the others with a small, playful smirk. “I tried washing the dishes last night and she chased me out. Of my own kitchen!”
“Cleaning calms me down.” Sakura pouted a little bit at him. “You know I like to be left alone when I clean. My parents never leave me alone when I need to destress at their place.”
Sakura was a high strung individual, battling her own struggles with anxiety and her hectic nursing job on top of trying to manage a social life. Gaara, and the rest of their friends, could sympathize to an extent though none of them wished Sakura’s hectic nursing hours on anyone. She and Lee were a good match because Lee knew how to work with hectic schedules and it took a lot to exhaust him. He could keep up with her hectic life, could give her space when she finally felt too wound up and confined. He helped a lot, as much as Sakura would let him, and he loved her dearly. Gaara couldn’t really imagine a better fit for Sakura, though he may have been biased because Lee was one of his best friends and he had been in love with Sakura since they were sixteen.
“I know, my love.” Lee pressed a kiss to Sakura’s temple, summoning a blush to her cheeks.
Gaara felt himself smile slightly. “It’s rare that all of us have a free evening on a weekday.” He offered lightly.
“Tell me about it.” Ino crossed one leg over the other as she sipped her wine, making a face at it for a second that told Gaara that she wasn’t a fan of how sweet it was. She took another sip either way, though, because wine wasn’t cheap. “I hate that being an adult makes it harder to hang out with everyone. Remember in high school how we’d always have such huge parties together?”
Gaara remembered it well and it made him shudder. He hated parties so much, even back then. He had avoided a good number of those parties for the sake of his own sanity but there had been a good number he had shown up to, as well. They were never terrible. Loud and filled with way too much booze than they should have been able to get their hands on as teenagers but they were never terrible. Gaara had still been partial to drinking his bad memories away back then and wasn’t too fond of remembering his past self.
“Oh my god, Sakura.” Naruto leaned forward a little with a wide grin on his lips. “Do you remember that one time when we were nineteen and your parents came home early and found you, me, Sai, and Sasuke totally drunk?”
“Oh, your parents were so mad at us.” Sai laughed softly, glancing over at Sakura. “They called all of our guardians and made us all sit there in the living room to be picked up. I don’t think I had ever seen your mom look so disappointed in us, Sakura.”
Sakura groaned and winced at the memory. “Oh, man. Yeah, that was terrible. Sasuke totally got off that easy, too. Itachi didn’t even yell at him. I was grounded for like, three months. Three!” She huffed a little bit.
“Me, too.” Naruto chuckled, shaking his head.
Gaara looked at him in surprise. “Your parents really grounded you?” Kushina and Minato didn’t seem like the grounding types, even for something as serious as underaged drinking.
“Oh, absolutely.” Naruto nodded in response. “I had told them that we were at Sasuke’s, for starters. And my parents are super against underage drinking. That was when they first found out that we all sorta…you know, broke the law here and there. I was grounded for quite a while.”
Gaara smiled a little bit at the image of Naruto grounded to his room. Gaara had been grounded plenty of times as a kid, mainly for reasons his father would make up, but he knew how boring it was. Naruto must have gone insane.
“You were all terrible children.” Lee pretended to be ashamed, shaking his head at them in mock disapproval. “Horrible, terrible children.”
“Well, you were a weenie.” Gaara offered lightly, smirking when Lee gasped in his direction, scandalized.
Lee wasn’t a weenie, of course. He just wasn’t as prone to underaged drinking like most of them were. He partied with them a lot, sure, but he didn’t start drinking until he was of legal age. He was usually a sort of mom friend when they were all drinking, making sure people had water and food and would hold someone’s hair back when they threw up. He jokingly gave them all a hard time for it, masking his actual concern, but he had never actually looked down on any of them. Quite a few of them were drinking to kill some nasty memories and Lee knew that. That being said, Gaara still liked to tease him from time to time.
“That is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Lee sniffled playfully, reaching for his wine glass. “I distinctly remember this weenie being the one to drive your drunk ass home. All of you, actually, at least once or twice.”
“And we love you for that.” Ino assured him with a giggle.
“Oh yes.” Naruto nodded quickly. “You saved our asses a dozen times over, Lee.”
Lee grinned a bit as he sipped at his wine, looking a little smug. “Exactly.”
Gaara smiled again and glanced towards Sai and Ino. “What’s on the menu for dinner? I don’t think I ever asked.”
“Sai’s making pasta.” Ino grinned a little bit. “He’s making the sauce from scratch and we have some garlic bread, too.”
“It’s technically just alfredo sauce but making it from scratch is fun.” Sai admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’ve made it a few times and I think I’ve perfected it.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great.” Sakura assured him. Sai was, surprisingly, a great cook. He was good at almost anything he did, really.
Sai shot Sakura a soft smile before glancing at the time. “I’ll probably go and get started on that soon. But Ino has a card game for you all to play while I cook. And a funny movie for us to watch while we eat.”
“Awesome.” Naruto beamed, already looking excited. “Do you need any help cooking or anything, Sai?”
“No, but I appreciate the offer.” Sai stood up from the couch and offered them all a little wave before he left for the kitchen, wine glass in hand.
Sai's departure signaled the start of the card game. Usually Gaara wasn't a fan of any sort of card game but Ino and Sakura were a competitive pair and it made the experience more fun. Naruto, it seemed, was also competitive which wasn't a surprise. They played a few rounds of the card game, a game that required playing the most outrageous card you could to answer the prompts presented, and Ino let the living room Tv play as background noise. Even though Gaara didn’t like card games much he managed to enjoy a few rounds, mostly enamored by the giggles and competitive shouts from his friends around him. That made sitting through a card game worth it. He didn’t often have the mental strength to sit through card games unless the group he was with made it fun. His current friends definitely made it…interesting. Sakura and Ino were definitely a comedic pair and, while Lee wasn’t usually too competitive, it seemed like Naruto brought it out of him far too easily.
Gaara found it amusing how much bickering happened during a simple card game.
They played for a while, until the bickering seemed to tire the girls out and Lee seemed to be on a winning streak that none of them could beat. Lee excused himself to get more wine, gathering his and Sakura’s glasses, and Gaara took the chance to stand up and follow him, feeling rather thirsty himself.
Sai was at the stove when the two of them shuffled in, his homemade sauce finally starting to simmer. He looked back at them and grinned softly. “Sounded like an exciting game.”
“I’m pretty sure the girls nearly broke the sound barrier with their yelling.” Lee laughed a bit. He held up his and Sakur’s empty wine glasses. “Do you have more wine, by the way? I’ll get more for Sakura but I’ll probably stick to water for myself. I’m driving tonight.”
“Oh, yes.” Sai jerked his chin in the direction of the fridge. “There’s another bottle of what we just had in there. I put it in a while ago so it would chill a bit.” He looked back at Gaara. “We have juice and soda as well if you or Naruto would like some.”
Gaara would be fine with water but Naruto had already had a long day at work; he’d probably appreciate a soda. He made his way to the fridge with Lee and grabbed a bottle of water for himself and a lemon lime soda for Naruto, tucking it under his arm while Lee got busy pouring Sakura another glass of wine. “How’s the sauce coming, Sai?”
“Well, I think.” Sai replied, looking back at the stove for a moment before turning to face them. “It shouldn’t take too long for it to finish.”
“We’re excited to try it.” Lee gushed, putting the wine back in the fridge. He took his own empty glass to the sink, pushing up his sleeves as he started washing it; Lee never left dirty dishes anywhere he went if he could help it. Ino and Sai would have to chase him out of the kitchen tonight. “Gaara, I heard a while ago that you had dinner with Naruto and his parents.”
“Oh?” Sai raised an eyebrow in amusement, making Gaara’s face heat up a little. “How did that go?”
“Fine.” Gaara shrugged a little bit, leaning back against the kitchen wall. A loud shout of triumph from Ino in the living room made him scoff softly before he looked back at Lee and Sai. “He said they liked me. They want to do it again soon, I guess.”
“That’s wonderful, Gaara!” Lee shut off the sink and set his newly cleaned wine glass in a dish drying rack, wiping his wet hands on his jeans. “Of course they like you. Who wouldn’t?”
“Most people.” Gaara pointed out, earning a small huff from Lee in response. “They were nice. I liked them, too, I suppose.”
“Yes, I love Kushina and Minato.” Sai agreed with a soft smile on his lips. “I had a nice time the first time I met them, as well. Though, it was after Naruto and I had dated and broken up.”
“If you call it dating.” Lee snorted from the side.
Sai relented with a laugh. “True. It was more…fucking and chatting at weird hours of the night.” He looked towards Gaara, eyes widening a bit. “I’m sorry, Gaara. I should have asked if you were comfortable with me talking about my past with him.”
Gaara blinked in surprise. “No, I’m fine.” He promised with a quick shake of his head. “I don’t care who he’s been with in the past.” Even if they were dating for real he wouldn’t have really cared in the long run. Everyone had their own history and he had no room to judge. “Besides, you were pining after Ino that whole time, weren’t you?”
“A little.” Said admitted with a sigh, glancing towards the direction of the living room. “She certainly didn’t make it easy to win her over, I’ll say that much.”
“But look at the two of you now.” Lee said with a dreamy sigh. “In love. Slowly moving in together. We all grow up so fast.”
“Lee, we're hardly old enough to lament the passage of time.” Gaara laughed a little bit and then gestured towards the living room. “Come on. We have a card game to get back to.”
“Dinner should be done soon!” Sai called after them as the two of them made their way back to the living room.
Gaara sat back down beside Naruto, wordlessly handing the soda can to him. Naruto blinked at it and then looked at Gaara curiously and Gaara rolled his eyes a little. “It's for you.”
“Oh, wow.” Naruto's smile was almost blinding as he took the can. “Thanks. I was getting pretty thirsty.”
“I figured.” Gaara replied softly, glancing over and meeting Naruto's gaze. They held eye contact for a moment, long enough for Gaara's gaze to dip down to Naruto's lips, but he was quick to look back at the card game scattered on the living room table. If Naruto noticed the blush on his cheeks he was kind enough to keep it to himself.
The game had been restarted, new cards dealt out for everyone while Sakura and Naruto both proclaimed they would be the one to win. It ended up being Lee who won about thirty minutes later which was perfectly fine in Gaara's book. It did, of course, make the other three screech in defeat and various levels of exasperation. But Lee wasn’t the type to gloat when he won. Instead he liked to pep talk the losers which was one of his more endearing traits, Gaara would admit, and so everyone was pretty alright with the turn of events. How could they not be with Lee being so kind and thoughtful?
Ino excused herself momentarily so that she could help Sai get plates together, chasing both Gaara and Sakura out when they both offered to help. The two of them passed out plates and refilled drinks, getting settled in the living room with everyone and getting the movie Ino had picked out started up on the Tv. Gaara was so glad that they weren’t the type of couple to insist they all sit at a dining table, like he had done at Naruto’s home. They were content to sit around the living room, reclined into the couches. Naruto had settled closer to Gaara than before, his side pressed warmly against Gaara’s in a way that shouldn’t have been as comfortable as it was but Gaara didn’t fight it.
It was strange not to fight the comfort that came with Naruto being so close. It still felt a little alien, sure, but it had also become something…enjoyable, to a certain extent. Naruto had become something semi-constant, a presence that lingered in the back of his mind at all times because of their fake relationship but also because of how much he knew about Gaara, how much Gaara knew about him, and because Gaara couldn’t forget the way Naruto’s lips on his neck had felt. He sort of hated it. He should hate it, he knew, but he didn’t hate it as much as he should have.
Naruto might have been right that night in his car; maybe releasing some sexual tension would be good for them in the long run. Gaara wasn’t entirely opposed to casual sex, not in theory. He’d done it with Sasuke just fine and their friendship had remained strong and loyal. But the idea of sleeping with the same guy who, just a month ago he couldn’t stand the sight of, really made his head spin. But did he even hate Naruto anymore? No, not in the same way he had before. He was…cautious of him which was just his natural state with most people. But he had to admit that Naruto wasn’t terrible to be around. Annoying, sure, but terrible? Not so much.
The movie wasn’t really Gaara’s thing. He wasn’t really a comedy movie guy, mainly because most of the time he struggled to find the humor in things that most other people found funny. It was still a pretty alright movie, though, with a nice romantic subplot that was cliche in the worst of ways but was still tolerable. The food was really what he cared about.
Sai’s homemade sauce was to die for. It was creamy and full of flavor, with a hint of spice that Gaara loved. Sai had always been a pretty good cook but Gaara couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten anything the other had made. He made a mental note to text Sai later to get the recipe to see if either he or Temari could recreate it; Temari would most likely have better luck but Gaara was always up to trying.
“Sai, you really out did yourself.” Naruto said through his last mouthful of food. He even groaned a little, shaking his head. “Like, damn. This was amazing.”
Sai beamed a little bit. “Thank you. I’m really glad you all liked it.” He gushed and moved to get up. “I can take the dishes-”
“Nope.” Gaara stood up quickly, making Sai raise an eyebrow at him. Gaara reached over to take Sai’s dishes from his hands. “I’ll take the dishes. You wouldn’t let us help cook or plate the food. Let me help.” It was only polite, after all.
“I’ll help.” Naruto offered, taking dishes from Sakura and Lee as Gaara took Ino’s as well.
Ino huffed softly though a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “You guys better not wash them. Put them in the sink and nothing else! Guests don’t wash dishes!”
“Oh, then I’ve already failed tonight.” Lee looked over at Ino with a smile of his own. “I washed my wine glass earlier. You know I hate leaving dirty dishes.”
“You guys!” Ino whined, crossing her arms. “You have to stop being so polite!”
Gaara fought down a smirk of his own at Ino’s exasperation. He and Naruto made their way to the kitchen, Naruto bumping Gaara with his hip as they made it to the sink. “How’re you feeling? You’ve been quiet.”
Gaara glanced over at him before he carefully set the dishes in his hands into the sink. He shrugged his shoulders a little. “I’m fine. It isn’t a bad quiet.”
“I figured.” Naruto set his dishes into the sink as well, reaching for the faucet to turn it on so they could at least rinse the dishes off. Ino couldn’t stop them from that. “I’m starting to get better at figuring out if you’re being quiet in a good way or a bad way. I just figured I’d check in to be sure.”
It was thoughtful of him. It was also a little humorous that he was starting to tell the difference between Gaara’s moods. Not many people were good at that save for Sasuke and his siblings. “I was just enjoying everyone’s presence.” He wasn’t going to admit to Naruto that he’d been lost in his thoughts all evening, unsure of where he and Naruto stood with each other after everything.
Naruto got to work rinsing off all the dishes as Gaara leaned back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest.
The one thing Gaara hated about having a sex drive was that, on the rare occasions something woke it up, it was difficult for him to ignore. Back when he and Sasuke were still sleeping together it had been easier to drop what he was doing and seek out pleasure. He and Sasuke had been on the same page about everything and it didn’t feel awkward. Now, with Naruto, Gaara felt like he was at a loss.
He shouldn’t have been thinking about what happened on his couch that night. He shouldn’t have been embarrassed watching Naruto change his shirt back in his room earlier in the day. He sure as hell shouldn’t have been letting the warmth of Naruto’s body against his make him think about how his lips felt, how his hands felt as they ventured under his sweater.
Gaara sort of hated having a sex drive. He didn’t hate sex, of course. He had no real feeling about it most of the time other than it being extremely vulnerable and intimate. But he hated that right now, his sex drive was trying to awaken and it was all Naruto’s fault. It irritated him.
“Got any plans for the rest of the night?” Naruto’s voice cut into Gaara’s thoughts.
Gaara glanced over at him and shook his head. “No, not really. I’ll probably read or something. What about you?”
“Just my usual evening routine.” Naruto answered with a shrug of his own. He shut the sink off and dried his hands on his jeans, making Gaara grimace a little. Ugh. He was an animal. “It’s most likely going to rain tomorrow so the kids are gonna be stuck inside all day. Kurenai, one of my bosses there, just bought a bunch of art supplies so we can keep them occupied. Art days at the school are very eventful.”
Gaara cracked a small smile at that. “I can imagine. I’m sure it’ll be…exciting.”
“Messy is more like it.” Naruto shook his head a bit but he still wore a fond smile. “But the kids really like it. I like doing it with them even though I don’t have an artistic bone in my body.”
“I’m sure you’re better than you give yourself credit for.” Gaara would never speak ill of someone's art skills, or their lack of skill for that matter.
Naruto shook his head again. “Oh, no. Definitely not. I can’t even draw stick people, Gaara. The kids are going to laugh at me!”
“I’ll laugh at you too, if you’d like.” Gaara couldn’t help the playful smile that formed on his lips. This was also something new between them. They could make jokes here and there. They could make each other laugh.
“You’re so mean to me.” Naruto stepped closer to him to jokingly jab a finger into Gaara’s chest, pouting for dramatic effect. “I’m just a little guy, Gaara. You gotta be nice to me.”
Gaara’s hand shot out to snatch Naruto’s wrist, a small smirk still on his lips. “I’m plenty nice to you, I think.”
Naruto rolled his eyes but it wasn’t in an annoyed way; Gaara was starting to notice the difference and he didn’t want to think about that too hard. He didn’t try to tug his hand free of Gaara’s grasp, though, and instead shifted his hand so that he was holding Gaara’s, their fingers twined in a way that made Gaara’s cheeks feel hot. His playful pout had vanished, replaced with a look that was more sincere, a soft smile. “You are pretty nice to me when you want to be, I guess.”
Gaara had to fight down his initial, knee jerk reaction to shove Naruto away from him because, as much as he hated to admit it, he kind of liked how close they were. It scared him, yes, but not for the reasons he would have imagined. Not because he was worried Naruto would hurt him or start a fight. It scared him because he knew how Naruto’s hands on his skin felt and how his lips had tasted that night.
It scared him because now, in their friends’ kitchen, he was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss Naruto senseless. His eyes drifted down to Naruto’s lips again and this time he knew Naruto saw it; he saw the way his eyes locked onto him, felt the way he squeezed his hand just a little harder.
“You know,” Naruto began, his voice far softer than it had been before, almost like he was afraid that speaking any louder would shatter this moment between them. Or maybe Gaara was just too in his head about it. “If there’s something you want then all you have to do is ask.”
Gaara felt the way his face burned hot and he turned his head to the side, glaring at the wall ahead of him. It was all up to him, Naruto had told him the last time they talked about this. Naruto didn’t want to push Gaara into a situation that would make him feel crappy, which Gaara would never openly admit to being thankful for, but the idea of nothing happening unless he started it annoyed him to no end. He was terrible at starting things. He was even more terrible at starting stuff like this.
Naruto’s other hand settled on Gaara’s hip, jerking him from his thoughts, and when he looked back at him Naruto was watching him closely. He was trying to figure out what Gaara was thinking or what he wanted without pushing him too much to answer on his own. It was nice. It was maybe a little sweet, too. Gaara was terrible with words.
He didn’t need words to kiss Naruto, though. The hand on his hip, the fingers intertwined with his own, they were all too much and, somehow, not enough. So Gaara did exactly that; he kissed Naruto.
He didn’t expect the swell of relief that came over him the moment their lips touched. It was like all the nervous energy that had been buzzing just beneath his skin had finally fizzled out, giving way to a soft, rippling pleasure that warmed him down to his core. His hands found Naruto’s hair, fingers tangling in blonde locks in a gentle yet firm grip that had Naruto grunting softly into his mouth. That…That made him shudder hard, a small moan of his own escaping his lips.
Naruto kissed like he was born to do it which wasn’t much of a surprise. He took control of the kiss almost immediately, licking into Gaara’s mouth and drawing out another soft moan, one that made Gaara’s face feel even hotter than before but he couldn’t complain; he’d never been kissed the way Naruto kissed him. Like he could do it all day. Like he’d love to do it all day.
Gaara felt Naruto’s hips shift, pressing forward into his own, pressing Gaara back almost painfully against the counter behind him. Gaara pulled his mouth away for a moment, just to catch his breath, but Naruto followed him, capturing his mouth again, teeth tugging lightly on Gaara’s lower lip in a way that made his knees feel weak. Yes, Naruto was good at this and he sort of hated it. He also craved it, really, and he hated that even more. He hated how dizzy Naruto’s tongue against his made him feel, hated how the pressure against his hips made his heart beat rapidly in his chest.
Gaara tightened his grip on Naruto’s hair, tugging it almost roughly. He was rewarded with a shaky gasp, Naruto’s hand leaving his to instead grab onto his other hip, squeezing hard. Gaara pulled away from the kiss again, panting ever so slightly, feeling a small swell of pride when he saw that Naruto’s face was as red as his own face felt.
The sound of someone clearing their throat made Gaara stiffen, peering over Naruto’s shoulder to eye Lee, who stood in the kitchen entryway with an amused smirk on his lips, arms crossed. Gaara sighed. “Lee.”
“Walked in on again.” Naruto mumbled with a soft scoff, shaking his head before he separated himself, taking a few steps back. Gaara hated how much he already missed the warmth of Naruto’s body against his own.
“Sai and Ino sent me to make sure you two weren’t washing your dishes.” Lee explained with a casual shrug of his shoulders. “Clearly you two were busy with another matter.”
“Clearly.” Naruto chuckled a little bit, having the decency to look embarrassed. “No, we weren’t washing dishes. Though I’m still very tempted too.”
“I am as well, believe me.” Lee agreed with a chuckle, looking at Gaara. His smirk widened a bit, no doubt because of how red Gaara’s face was. “I’m so sorry to walk in on a private moment.”
“Just don’t tell the others.” Gaara grumbled as he pushed away from the counter, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Sakura already walked in on us once and so have my siblings. We don’t need to add a third experience so soon.”
“Maybe don’t make a habit of it.” Lee offered with a smug smirk, waving his hand as he turned around to leave the room. “I won’t tell, though.”
As Lee left the room Naruto glanced back at Gaara, shaking his head as he let out a sigh. “We should head back out there.” He murmured, blue eyes darting down to glance at Gaara’s lips.
Gaara gave a jerky nod, finally able to remove his hands from Naruto’s hair. “Yeah. Probably.”
“Hey,” Naruto didn’t move away, his grip still firm on Gaara’s hips. He waited until Gaara’s eyes met his again and he arched an eyebrow, head tilting to the side a little. “You alright? That was okay, wasn’t it?
Of course it was okay. Gaara had wanted it so badly that Naruto had seen it plain as day. But Naruto was trying to be kind to him, something Gaara had to remind himself was a good thing. It wasn’t Naruto thinking he was weak or needed to be coddled. This was Naruto taking Gaara’s own hesitations into consideration and that was…actually really sweet.
Gaara sighed and rolled his eyes, one hand gently patting Naruto’s arm. “Don’t stress yourself out; I was…in the mood.”
“Yeah, you aren’t good at hiding it.” Naruto flashed him a grin before finally stepping away more, putting some space between their two bodies. He took a deep breath, hands on his hips. “I can’t blame you, though. I’m a pretty great kisser so it was only a matter of time until you came crawling back for more.”
“Don’t get cocky, Uzumaki.” Gaara shoved past him with another roll of his eyes, fighting a smile.
They didn’t stay too long after that. They played another game, this time with Sai present, only to have Sakura beat them all by a long shot, leading to a short but lively screeching match between her, Naruto, and Ino. By the time Naruto and Gaara were back in Gaara’s car, the both of them with containers of leftover pasta at Ino’s insistence, it was nearing eight-thirty.
Gaara grimaced a bit at the time as he started the car. “We weren’t out too late for your whole…evening routine, were we?”
“Nah.” Naruto shook his head. “The routine is usually just cleaning and doing some light chores before I lay down. I don’t usually fall asleep easily so I read or put on something calming on Tv and ignore my phone. The routine part of it is honestly just the laying down part. My head gets so loud with thoughts that it can be really hard to sleep, even with my meds. So, giving myself a good chunk of time to wind down and relax helps on work nights.”
Gaara nodded slowly to himself, slowly pulling out of the apartment parking lot. “I always forget that ADHD affects sleep patterns.” He murmured. “It’s good that you found something that works, even if it isn’t perfect. When I can’t sleep I usually just stay up.”
“I do, too, sometimes.” Naruto admitted. He reached for the radio, turning on some rock station and turning it down low until it was just soft background noise. “But if I stay up it can be even harder for me to focus and it’s just a whole disaster. It’s way worse when I don’t have any meds for a while. I’m more scatterbrained than usual and I can’t sleep at all. What keeps you up so late?”
Gaara shrugged a little bit. “Trauma?” He offered lightly. “I can’t really remember a time where I didn’t struggle to sleep. I…never stayed asleep as a child. And in high school with everything being so…terrible I would just stay awake until my body gave out sometimes. I’d go two or three days without sleep and then my body would finally force me to sleep for a few hours and I just went with it. I’m sort of better now but unless I take something to speed the process up, it takes me a long time to fall asleep.”
“That sounds awful, dude.” Naruto scoffed. “The high school part sounds the worst. I can’t imagine being around so many teenagers so early in the morning after not sleeping for two or three days.”
Gaara cracked a small smile despite the memory of it making him want to crawl in a hole. “It…wasn’t ideal.”
“Does your cranky ass cat sleep with you?”
“Shukaku? Yeah, most of the time.”
“Does it help? Him sleeping with you, I mean?”
Gaara thought about it, watching the road. There were a few scattered, tiny drops of water on the windshield. Light rain, a warning for the day to follow most likely. “Yeah.” He replied after a few moments. “He helps with a lot of things. Taking care of another living creature forces you to take care of yourself more than I expected.”
“Good.” Naruto said through a yawn, tapping his fingers on the lid of his food container Ino had shoved into his hands before they left. “Mom and Dad are gonna ask me if you agreed to have dinner with us again.”
Gaara grimaced a little. “I know you said the last time wasn’t a total failure but I still feel like it was.”
“Dude,” Naruto’s hand swatted his shoulder lightly, barely a tap if anything. “They liked you. They just feel like they sort of put you on the spot with all the questions about your family. They want a redo, I guess. I can tell them you’re thinking about it.”
Gaara was thinking about it, to be fair. He wasn’t against the idea even if it gave him some hesitations. “Maybe this weekend. No promises. Shikamaru and Kiba are going to both stay over Friday night so my house might be a little…lively. But Maybe Saturday or Sunday.”
“Yeah, no pressure at all.” Naruto assured him. “I hope you all have fun.”
Gaara glanced over at him, his mind racing again. Shikamaru and Kiba practically lived between their own homes and Gaara’s. They were over all the time. It…would make sense for Naruto to be over more, then, wouldn’t it? He’d only been over one time and the last thing Gaara needed was Shikamaru or even Kankuro poking their noses in his business and wondering why Naruto didn’t stop by more. “Do…you want to come as well? Not to stay over but just to hang out for the evening? For dinner and general socialization?”
Naruto, glancing at him as well, looked surprised to be invited at all. “Are you sure I won’t be intruding?”
“Definitely not.” Gaara assured him softly. “My siblings will most likely be overjoyed that I’m bringing you around. It will be like…a family get together.” Only Naruto wasn’t a part of their little family. Not really. Not in a way that mattered. The reminder made Gaara frown softly, imagining what his siblings would say or think when he and Naruto eventually staged their break up in a few months.
“Then sure.” Naruto sounded like he was grinning. “I’d love to. Text me what time I should head over.”
Gaara had to force the thoughts of their future break up aside. He really didn’t want to think of how disappointed his brother and sister would be when Gaara was, once again, single for however long. Forever, probably, if his track record was anything to go by.
They made it to Naruto’s house not too long later, Gaara pulling his car up to the driveway. Naruto gathered his stuff and opened up the car door, looking at Gaara with that impossibly bright smile of his. “Thanks for driving me today. I owe you.”
“Don’t mention it.” Gaara shrugged a little bit, biting his lip as he hesitated. “Tell your parents I said hello.” That would make him look like a good person in their eyes, even if they did already sort of like him like Naruto insisted.
Gods, Gaara hated that he actually cared about the opinions of Naruto’s mom and dad now.
“I will.” Naruto assured as he stepped out of the car, container of food held like a priceless treasure against his body. “Drive safe.”
Gaara waited until he saw Naruto step into his house before driving away, the taste of Naruto’s lips still lingering on his own and the guilt about their entire ordeal weighing heavily on his shoulders.
Friday, December 1st, 6:00 p.m.
The best part about Gaara and Naruto having a shared group of friends was that Gaara didn’t have to worry about keeping Naruto entertained when he came over. Naruto was close with Shikamaru and Kiba and on fairly good terms with both Temari and Kankuro, so Gaara was able to lean back into the couch without worry, Akamaru’s head resting in his lap as Shukaku glared from his spot on top of a shelf near the hall. He had been a little worried that his siblings would still be a little hesitant about Naruto in general but they both seemed content to absorb the blonde into their little family group. That was both a good sign and something that made Gaara feel guilty all over again but he decided to ignore it, stroking Akamaru’s head slowly.
Everyone else was on the living room floor, Kiba, Naruto, and Kankuro engrossed in Mario Kart (something that was far too common in Gaara’s life, it seemed) while Temari reclined back into Shikamaru’s chest, sipping lemonade that had to be warm by now but she didn’t seem to care. She had ordered pizza, the cleanest option for the kitchen with so many people, and everyone had eaten their fill with plenty left for later. It was a generally calm evening, aside from the three competitive boys elbowing each other over the game. Gaara was used to calm nights like this; they were common enough with Shikamaru and Kiba around, wedging themselves into their family and making the Sabaku house a second home for themselves. He wasn’t exactly used to Naruto being a part of these little family-like nights but he figured he would get used to it soon enough.
It didn’t bother him as much as it would have weeks ago and, well, that was all that mattered.
“I can’t believe I just lost a fourth time!” Kiba’s groan of anguish made everyone else snicker softly.
Kankuro reached out to gently ruffle Kiba’s hair. “Sorry, babe. Naruto and I are just better at this game than you are.” His tone was gentle but the smirk on his face was brutal in a way only a boyfriend who had just won by a landslide could be.
Kiba swatted his hand away and looked over his shoulder at Gaara. “Gaara, get down here and play. Someone needs to knock both of these losers off their high horses.”
Gaara smiled a little bit, shaking his head. “No, I’m good. Kankuro is a sore loser whenever I win.”
“Kiba’s also a sore loser.” Naruto stifled a laugh as he grabbed his earlier discarded can of soda, taking a drink from it. “A perfect match.”
“Hey, if you want to see a sore loser,” Kankuro pointed over at Shikamaru and Temari, both of them raising their eyebrows at him. “You should see when Temari absolutely demolishes Shikamaru in any video game ever. Shikamaru’s soul is literally crushed every time.”
Shikamaru rolled his eyes but, really, he had no argument; Kankuro was right. He still scowled a little bit, wrapping his arms more firmly around Temari as he rested his chin on the top of her head. “I wasn’t a video game kid. I suck at any game that isn’t a card or board game. It’s a tragedy so it shouldn’t be a source of mockery.”
Kankuro snorted, reaching out to jab his sock-covered foot into Shikamaru’s leg. “Big baby.”
“Oh, stop harassing the poor guy.” Temari giggled softly, her hand coming up to pat Shikamaru’s cheek gently. “Not his fault he’s absolute ass at any video game ever.”
“Gee, thanks, baby.” Shikamaru’s deadpan response sent a wave of laughter through the room, even making Gaara chuckle softly, too.
“Hey, can’t blame him.” Kankuro relented with a nod, glancing at Gaara with a small, playful smirk. “He didn’t lock himself in his room his whole childhood. He had a Dad that liked him, remember?”
Gaara snorted a little bit, eyeing the way Naruto seemed to cautiously glance at Temari and then back at the brothers. Ah, of course. Naruto wasn’t used to the three of them speaking plainly about their father, let alone cracking shitty, dark jokes about it. Another new thing about Gaara he could add to the list, he supposed. Another thing he would have to get used to if he was going to be coming around more often.
Gaara looked at Shikamaru. “I don’t know…his dad taught him Shogi and checkers and poker. Did he really like him if he subjected him to that torture?”
Shikamaru let out a bark of laughter, reaching for a balled up napkin and throwing it at Gaara, smirking in triumph when it bounced off Gaara’s head. “Laugh all you want but one day you jerks are gonna need to know how to play an adult game like big boys and I certainly won’t be the one to teach you. I’ll let you suffer.”
“If I am ever in a situation where knowing how to play shogi is going to be vital information I’d just rather die.” Kankuro was laughing again, pressing his face into Kiba’s shoulder to try and muffle the sound which only made everyone else laugh along with him.
Shikamaru scoffed softly, shaking his head as he tried and failed to fight the smile on his lips. “Animals. All of you. Tasteless animals.”
“I have to agree with Kankuro.” Naruto offered idly, finishing his soda and setting the can aside again. “If knowing how to play poker or some shit is going to be important then I’d rather die. I don't have the attention span for that.”
Gaara believed that.
“I’m sick of Mario Kart.” Kiba set his controller down with a loud sigh. “We should watch something.”
Gaara perked up slightly. “I can pick.” He wasn’t at all surprised when Kiba groaned loudly.
“Oh god, no. Please no.” Kiba looked back at him with a pleading look, almost desperate. “The last time you got to pick the movie I had nightmares for a week!”
“Weenie.” Temari murmured, snickering when Kiba shot her a small scowl. “That last scary movie wasn’t even that bad, Kiba!”
“I don’t like movies where monsters live in caves and eat people!” Kiba insisted with a whine, falling heavily into Kankuro’s side. “I mean, sure I'm never going to be cave diving in my life but what if I do? That movie is all I’m going to think about!”
Gaara rolled his eyes. “Weenie.” He seconded his sister’s previous statement with no real venom in his tone. He had a much higher tolerance for horror than most people.
“Thank god you said that.” Naruto breathed, smiling gratefully at Kiba. “I can’t do horror but I totally would have let Gaara pick.”
Gaara threw his hands up. “That’s two votes for me picking the movie!” He insisted despite Naruto’s own small whimper of hesitance.
“I think we should veer away from horror.” Kankuro offered lightly, pressing a kiss to the top of Kiba’s head before speaking again. “I’m sort of in more of an action mood.”
“God, no.” Temari groaned, reaching for the Tv controller on the floor. “How about we find a cheesy family movie? You can’t go wrong with those most of the time.”
There was little argument about that. Gaara didn’t really mind either way, even if he had wanted to watch something scary. He wasn’t going to force a room full of people to watch something scary if they didn’t want to. As Temari got the movie set up everyone shifted around, Kankuro and Kiba moving to sit on the other couch as Naruto came to sit with Gaara. Shikamaru and Temari stayed on the floor, content to hold one another in peace. Naruto’s body was warm against Gaara’s side, something Gaara hated knowing he latched onto but it was pointless to fight it. His body responded to Naruto’s presence, as much as he hated to admit it.
He was trying to learn how to not hate it. He was trying to keep in mind that having this…physical reaction around Naruto didn’t mean anything. Naruto was fine with it, after all, so he should be as well.
The movie was indeed very cheesy, an animated family movie that was also a musical. Not something Gaara would have watched on his own but he didn’t exactly hate it. He was half paying attention, scrolling through his phone, his free hand still stroking Akamaru’s head while Naruto leaned heavily into his side. Naruto was absolutely watching what Gaara was doing on his phone, probably unable to pay attention to the movie entirely without some sort of other stimuli. Gaara, the private person that he is, normally would have shoved away anyone that was peering at his phone over his shoulder. But he was just scrolling through social media and looking at art and he wasn’t that mad about it. In fact, after a moment he even shifted a bit so that Naruto could see the screen easier.
Naruto gave a soft chuckle, maybe a little embarrassed at being caught. “Sorry. I won’t pry-”
“It’s fine.” Gaara murmured softly, voice barely heard over the sound of the Tv. “I’m looking at art. Other tattoo artists’ work.”
“Is that Deidara’s account?” Naruto gestured towards the current profile Gaara had pulled up on his phone. “I’ve never seen his account online before. Only Sasuke’s, Itachi’s, Hinata’s and…then yours.”
“Yes, this is his.” Gaara replied softly, scrolling past picture after picture of Deidara’s past work for his clients. They were all beautiful; every tattoo Deidara did was gorgeous. “I like to look at his page from time to time.”
“He’s awesome.” Naruto agreed, laying his head on Gaara’s shoulder. “I’m sort of more partial to Sasuke’s style, though. Deidara does amazingly bright and intricate stuff but Sasuke has this really pretty water color type thing he does. I haven’t seen any of you guys do it.”
“Sasuke is the best at that style.” Gaara admitted with a shrug, careful not to jostle Naruto’s head too hard. “I like it but I like when he does intricate line art. He’s very good at line art. Hinata’s style is very cute and soft, almost cartoonish depending on the design. Itachi is great at shading.”
“And what about you?” Naruto probed, reaching for Gaara’s phone, scrolling through Deidara’s page idly. “You seem to be pretty good at a lot. I’ve seen your page; your style seems to adapt a lot.”
Gaara frowned a bit as he thought about it, watching Deidara’s art rush by on his phone. “I don’t know. Hinata says I’m great at any style I try. Sasuke says I’m a natural. I don’t think I’m that great.”
“Really?” Naruto paused his scrolling to glance at the movie, scoffing softly at some lame joke, before he returned his attention to Gaara. “I think your art is gorgeous, Gaara. If I wasn’t so scared of it hurting a ton I’d let you give me a tattoo, I think.”
Gaara smiled a little bit, feeling a little warm inside at the compliment. “Well, if you ever want to get one done…” He trailed off, shrugging again.
Naruto shuddered at his side. “Maybe in the future. Far, far in the future.”
Far in the future. That was something to think about. Would they still be friends far in the future? They wouldn’t go back to how they were before they started dating, that was for sure. How could they when they both knew so much about each other? When they both had managed to slot themselves into each other’s lives in a way that was starting to feel less forced and more natural.
They were already friends, as much as it weirded Gaara out to say it. They were friends and, knowing Naruto, he wasn’t going to let that go. Gaara…sort of hoped he wouldn’t, at least. Having a new friend wasn’t as bad as he had expected it to be.
Gaara settled in for the movie after a few more minutes of scrolling through his phone, leaving Naruto to pull his out instead to try and keep his hands and half of his mind busy. It was…really nice, actually. Relaxing on the couch with his closest people-and Naruto-around him.
Then Temari’s cell phone rang.
Gaara had spent his entire childhood observing those around him and memorizing little details that, to others, would seem mundane. He had learned early on how to tell what mood his father was in by the weight of his footsteps or how forcefully he closed the front door. He had learned to read the small changes in his siblings' expressions so he could figure out what they were feeling but not saying or what they thought. He spent so long learning the hidden meanings behind every little thing that it had become second nature, almost, even as an adult. That was how he knew that Temari wasn’t expecting this phone call because Gaara had never heard that ringtone from her phone before.
Temari had a special ringtone for everyone in her contact list. No two people had the same sound, usually a song she associated with the person in question. This ring tone, however, was the shrill, generic sound of one of those god awful preset ones that come with a phone when you buy it. Temari hated those. Temari also never answered a phone call from a phone number she didn’t know which was why it was odd for Gaara to see her glance at her phone and stiffen ever so slightly before shrugging off Shikamaru’s arms and excusing herself from the room. “Sorry, guys. I should answer this.”
“Want us to pause it?” Kankuro glanced over in her direction but Temari had already vanished down the hall. Kankuro made no move to actually pause the movie.
Gaara frowned softly to himself, glancing at Shikamaru. Shikamaru had seen whatever number had appeared on Temari’s phone from over her shoulder and was watching the hallway, a subtle frown on his lips that Gaara wouldn’t have been able to notice if he didn’t know him as well as he did. That…made Gaara feel a little anxious. He looked back at the Tv, thinking of all the different kinds of phone calls Temari could get this late in the evening that could have made her seem so…uneasy. A coworker from the gym, maybe? One of her gym clients? But it was such a weird hour for a work related call, either way.
Shikamaru getting up and vanishing down the hall was another thing that made Gaara nervous. Was his sister alright? Would he and Kankuro have to get ready to hunt someone down for harassing their sister? He wasn’t opposed to the thought, not if it meant defending his sister in any sort of way but he had to stop himself before he got too carried away. Temari was a big girl; she could handle most problems without her little brothers sticking their noses in her business.
Temari stayed in her room for a while, though. By the time Shikamaru emerged, only to lean over the back of the second couch to whisper something into Kankuro’s ear, the movie was nearing its end. Gaara watched from the corner of his eye as Kankuro untangled himself from Kiba’s grasp and shuffled down the hall. When his brother finally vanished Gaara looked fully towards Shikamaru, head cocked to the side as he frowned. Shikamaru shook his head and mouthed a simple, ‘Later’ before sitting himself down beside Kiba.
Yeah, Gaara didn’t feel very good about any of this at all.
He was gentle when he moved Akamaru’s head from his lap, murmuring that he was going to get some water to Naruto, before he made his way to the kitchen. The quiet of the kitchen seemed to only make his anxiety worsen, a knot forming heavy in his gut as he leaned back against the counter, bringing a hand up to chew at his thumb nail. He wasn’t sure if he was even supposed to be anxious; whatever was happening wasn’t his business. Maybe it would be later if Temari decided to tell him but it had been Kankuro who had been sent to see her, not Gaara. There was no reason for his anxiety to be swirling in his gut like this and yet…
“Meow.”
Gaara blinked out of his thoughts and glanced to his left, letting out a soft sigh before he fixed Shukaku with a small smile. “Hey, Shuu.” He reached out and scooped the cat up, holding him close to his chest. Shukaku seemed fine with this, purring loudly as he lounged comfortably in Gaara’s arms.
Gaara smiled softly again, watching as Shukaku’s eyes shut slowly. “Must be easy being a cat.” He could almost imagine it; being furry and carefree, spending the day dozing off in the sun and being gifted with affection just by being cute. A simple existence, honestly. He was a little jealous.
Gaara wasn’t too surprised when Naruto came into the kitchen, offering him a small smile. He seemed to know Gaara a little too well, even when Gaara had been trying to play it cool back in the living room. “Came to check on you. You were looking a little…weird, I guess.”
“Weird,” Gaara echoed, glancing down at Shukaku as the cat shot a nasty look in Naruto’s direction. “Weird how?”
“Side eyeing Shikamaru real bad, honestly.” Naruto admitted softly, making sure his voice wouldn’t carry into the next room. He came to lean against the counter at Gaara’s side, arms crossed over his chest as he looked him over. His eyes landed on Shukaku and he grimaced a bit, shaking his head before returning his gaze to Gaara’s. “Everything okay?”
It was still a bit insane to think that in only a month they had gone from snarling at each other from across the room to checking in on each other’s moods. It wasn’t exactly unwelcome but it was still strange. Gaara was used to keeping things to himself. Sure, his siblings were always there when he needed them and he knew that. He had Lee and Sasuke if he ever needed to talk. And he did. But he kept the expanse of his feelings to himself as much as he could. He had big feelings, far too big for his own human body at times, and while keeping it inside wasn’t always the best option it did, at times, keep him from acting on his impulses.
Gaara was a walking pit of impulses. His anxiety manifested as anger most of the time, leading to harsh words and, at his worst points, fits of violence that he wasn’t proud of.
That being said, he was better at knowing when he should talk to someone about his messy feelings. Even if it was Naruto.
“I don’t know.” Gaara finally admitted, pressing a kiss to Shukaku’s head before gently setting him down on the kitchen floor, much to Shukaku’s frustration. “My sister got a call and now it feels weird. It wasn’t a ringtone she had saved for anyone. It wasn’t a call from anyone who usually calls her.”
Naruto raised an eyebrow at him, the smallest of amused smiles on his lips. “I guess it doesn’t surprise me that you know the ringtones of all of her contacts. Why do you think it's weird?”
Gaara frowned down at his sock covered feet, bottom lip caught between his teeth for a brief moment. “She looked on edge. Shikamaru also looked worried and…he sent Kankuro to go speak to her when he came back. That seems pretty weird to me.”
Gaara loved his brother and sister more than he could put into words. If something was wrong, he wanted to know. He wanted to help.
“Yeah, it is a little weird.” Naruto admitted with a nod. He made his way to the fridge and yanked it open as if he lived here too, examining the contents before pulling out a juice box. Stabbing the straw into it with ease, he took a sip as he fixed Gaara with a calm expression. “I’d be anxious too. You can’t really do anything until they decide to tell you what it is, though.”
Gaara fought the urge to roll his eyes; Naruto was right because that was the exact thought Gaara had earlier. He didn’t like it, of course, but when did anyone ever really like hearing the truth in times like this?
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Wanna go to my room?” He asked softly, hand falling down to his side. Naruto’s eyebrows shot up as he sipped his drink, curious, and Gaara’s face started to warm up. “Not for anything like that, stupid. Just to relax.” Making out with Naruto was the last thing on his mind right now.
Naruto snickered softly, most likely amused by Gaara’s own embarrassment, but followed after Gaara as the red head shuffled out of the kitchen and to his bedroom. Just stepping into his bedroom made Gaara feel a little better and he felt himself relax a little, crawling onto his bed and bringing a pillow to his chest, hugging it lightly. Naruto, always one to make himself comfortable in someone else’s home, busied himself with turning on the Tv and started looking through Gaara’s DVD shelf near the Tv. He seemed to consider a few different ones, though his back was facing Gaara so he wasn’t able to tell which ones.
He expected Naruto to put on one of Gaara’s few tame movies (he did own a small amount of romance movies, after all) but as Naruto settled in next to him, Gaara was a little stunned to see the familiar menu screen for one of his cheesy 80’s horror movies. He shot Naruto a look of disbelief. Naruto blinked at him, confused. “What?”
“You picked a scary movie,” Gaara gestured towards the Tv with a scoff. “You hate scary things. You were literally complaining about scary movies with Kiba earlier.”
“This one isn’t that scary.” Naruto insisted with a shrug, relaxing into Gaara’s pillows more. “I watched it with Neji and Hinata a while ago. The older ones are usually more funny than scary.”
Gaara wanted to ask if Naruto had picked a scary movie in an attempt to ease Gaara’s nerves a little bit. It seemed like something Naruto would do and it was sweet, if perhaps still leaving Gaara a little mystified. “Are you really sure you’re okay watching this?”
“I can handle movies with crazy serial killers and slashers.” Naruto waved his hand in dismissal and shook his head. “Now, demons and ghosts…definitely not. But slashers are usually fine, especially if they're old and cliche movies.”
Gaara couldn’t see any sign that Naruto was lying for Gaara’s own benefit and that eased him a little. If Naruto was going to be nice and try to help in his own way, Gaara had no right being a dick and refusing. Besides, this was something they were both working on; understanding each other better to avoid hurting each other’s feelings again. So, if Naruto wanted to watch a scary movie while pressed warmly against Gaara’s side, who was he to refuse?
For all his talk, however, Naruto was pretty jumpy during the movie. It made Gaara snort softly every time a cheap jump scare happened, earning him a scowl from Naruto and an elbow jabbed none too gently into his ribcage. Gaara had of course seen the movie over a dozen times and knew when every jump scare was coming up. He could have been kind and gave Naruto a warning each time, but the way the blonde jerked in surprise and muttered a soft “Fuck” under his breath was just a little too amusing.
The experience didn’t last as long as Gaara would have hoped; a knock on his bedroom door had both of them looking over, Gaara’s anxiety returning full force as Temari slowly opened the door. She smiled a bit at him from the doorway looking suddenly exhausted, and she glanced at Naruto before looking back at Gaara. “Good, you’re both in here.”
“Everything okay?” Gaara was glad Naruto had paused the movie at the sound of the knock.
Temari sighed and leaned against the door frame, arms crossed. She had changed her clothes, or had at least tugged on an old sweater of Shikamaru’s that she had taken from him years ago. That sweater, with its fraying sleeves and ominous, forever lasting stain near the collar was something she wore when she, too, was filled to the brim with anxiety. Seeing her wearing it did little to ease Gaara’s nerves. “Everything is fine, I guess.” She murmured, frowning softly as she gazed at Gaara. “Dad called.”
Gaara felt his stomach churn and he physically recoiled a little bit, leaning back into Naruto without meaning to, as if Temari’s words hung in the air and posed a threat to him. Rasa…never called. Not that he knew of, at least. The last time Gaara had seen his dad had been years ago on his twenty-first birthday when Rasa had tried to worm his way back into their good graces. He had come over to their previous apartment with gifts and money, acting as if he hadn’t been the worst father in the world. That night had ended with Gaara storming out to go crash at Lee’s, leaving Temari and Kankuro to deal with their father. He would find out later, of course, that Temari had forced Rasa to leave after the man had started an argument with Kankuro about…well, Gaara wasn’t sure what it was about but he was almost certain it had been about himself.
He shouldn’t have left that night, leaving his siblings alone with him. Kankuro could stand his ground, sure, but Temari…as strong of a person as she was, there was some annoying part of her that tried to give their dad a chance anytime he wanted to resurface. She had been better after that visit, though, and only interacted with Rasa if the man reached out first. He hardly did, only sending Temari an email every holiday about checks he was sending them in the mail. Temari, as far as Gaara knew, never replied.
“What did he want?” Gaara knew his words had come out a little rougher than expected but he couldn’t really stop it. He took a deep breath to try and refocus his thoughts, flinching in surprise when he felt a warm hand on his arm. Naruto’s warm hand squeezing gently.
Temari sighed softly. “He asked if we’d all go to dinner at his place. Apparently he has some news to share with us and thought it would be best said in person.”
Gaara had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. His frown deepened a little bit. Temari was quick to speak again. “You don’t have to go, Gaara.”
“Are you going?”
“Seriously, you don’t have-”
“Temari.” Gaara squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. Breathe in, breathe out. He dropped his hand into his lap. “Are you going?”
Temari glanced away, frowning at the wall. “Yeah. Kankuro is, too. So are Shikamaru and Kiba and Dad said Naruto is more than welcome to come.”
Gaara’s eyes widened a fraction. “You told him about Naruto?”
“No!” Temari shook her head quickly in response. “I just…mentioned that you also had a boyfriend and that if you did decide to go, you might feel better with him around. Dad doesn’t know it's Naruto but it isn’t his business anyway. If he had a problem with Naruto being there then he can deal with it.”
The idea of his father knowing any details of his current life made Gaara’s skin crawl. He scowled, making Temari wince a little bit as she glanced away again. He had to remind himself to take a deep breath, to let it out slowly, because Temari hadn’t done anything wrong. Not really. Temari took Gaara’s comfort seriously and would never force him to do anything he didn’t want to do, especially when their father was involved.
“I’ll go.” He surprised himself with how calm his voice sounded. He didn’t feel calm. He actually felt like he’d throw up but he didn’t want to make his sister feel worse than she already did. It did feel alarmingly bizarre to have this conversation in front of Naruto but it seemed Naruto was becoming a constant in Gaara’s worst moments.
Temari eyed him for a few long and silent moments, a thoughtful frown on her lips. She was hesitant and probably surprised by his answer, most likely expecting him to refuse and move on. Gaara held eye contact with her to prove that he was firm in his choice and after another moment Temari sighed softly, the tension in her shoulders releasing. “If you’re sure. I’ll get an exact date from Dad soon. I told him I wanted to talk to you and Kankuro about it. And Naruto,” She turned her attention to him. “You can come if you want to. No pressure.”
She left then, closing the door behind her. Gaara’s body, which had been rigid with nerves, seemed to deflate and before he could realize it, he was leaning heavily into Naruto. To his credit, the blonde didn’t argue and actually shifted them both until they were lying down, Gaara’s face pressed into Naruto’s shoulder and Naruto’s arms wrapped gently around him. Gaara wasn’t exactly thrilled that he was having a moment in Naruto’s arms but he wasn’t crying and he considered that a win, if anything. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of Naruto regardless of how close they were.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Naruto’s voice was soft, a gentle whisper into Gaara’s hair. Gaara shook his head, not trusting himself to speak yet, and Naruto nodded a little bit. “That’s fine. Want me to put the movie back on?”
Gaara gave a small nod and waited until he could hear the familiar sounds of the movie before he finally started to relax. They didn’t move from their positions, though. Naruto held Naruto through the rest of the movie and Gaara, mortified and exhausted, kept his face pressed firmly into Naruto’s shoulder. This was a new level to their friendship, something they hadn’t really done before. Naruto wasn’t exactly someone Gaara would think to go to for comfort; he had Lee and Sasuke for that. It was also weird to have Naruto’s arms around him in a way that wasn’t somewhat sexual, not that Gaara was complaining. It was sort of nice even if he was weird about people touching him.
The one thing he could appreciate about Naruto was that, as much as Gaara hated it, he was pretty good at being a comforting presence. He was solid and warm and, when he wasn’t talking a million miles a minute, he was pretty calming. Almost infuriatingly so.
This felt ten times more intimate than making out with him did.
It wasn’t until the movie ended that Naruto finally moved away from Gaara, sitting up and glancing down at him. Under the red hue of Gaara’s LED lights his face was hard to read but Gaara didn’t have to see his expression to know Naruto was worried about him. It was obvious in the way Naruto’s head tilted to the side and in the way one of his hands still lingered on Gaara’s hip, a gentle and soothing touch that left Gaara feeling comfortably warm instead of sexually hot and bothered. Gaara pushed himself up and ran a hand through his hair, sighing quietly. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Naruto replied, pulling his hand away finally. “Kind of a heavy thing to be dropped on you.”
“I guess so.”
“If you want to talk about it at all-”
“I don’t.” Gaara felt a little bad for cutting him off, wincing a bit at his own harsh tone. He frowned and shook his head. “Sorry, that was…rude. I just don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Fair enough.” Naruto nodded a little. “But uh…I just wanted to ask if you want me to go with you. If you really do go, I mean.”
Gaara’s initial impulse was to refuse. Rasa was the last person he wanted to bring anyone around, let alone Naruto. His father was a gaping wound in his life, bleeding at the smallest pressure applied to it. It was a part of his life that he wished he could forget, that defined him in more ways than he would have ever liked. The idea of Naruto seeing even a glimpse of it made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
However, the idea of Naruto not being there was equally daunting. Temari would have Shikamaru. Kankuro would have Kiba. Gaara, if Naruto didn’t go, would have no one there to distract him if things got to be too much.
“Can I think about it?” Gaara looked down at the bedsheets, frowning softly.
“Of course.” Naruto replied softly, his hand resting on Gaara’s knee. When Gaara’s head jerked back up to look at him, Naruto offered a small smile. “No pressure, okay?”
No pressure. Usually that phrase meant there would be an unbearable amount of pressure but coming from Naruto it sounded genuine. It made Gaara feel a little better about his messy feelings and his confusion over the idea of bringing Naruto around his father.
Gaara gently patted Naruto's hand before pushing it away from his knee. “You should head home. It's getting late.” It wasn't that late but Gaara had reached his limit on just about everything.
Naruto, luckily, seemed to share the sentiment. Gaara led him back out of his room and through the living room, seeing that Temari and Shikamaru had retired for the night, as did Kankuro and Kiba. Good. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now, especially not the very people who knew exactly how seeing his dad made him feel.
Naruto lingered on the front porch, Gaara standing in the doorway. It was cold out but the rain had calmed down; Naruto wouldn’t have to drive home in the rain.
Naruto, fiddling with his car keys, smiled a little at him. “You can uh…call me if you need to talk at all. Or if you want a distraction.”
It was sweet of him and it made Gaara want to slam his own head into a wall. He didn’t want to talk about any of it, too mortified by his own reaction in front of Naruto when Temari had mentioned their dad. But he knew that talking about it was the best and he would…eventually. Right now he just wanted to feel miserable about it for a while while he tried to figure out what he was going to do.
“Get home safely.” It was a shitty response. He felt a little bad about it but he couldn’t really gather enough strength to care too much.
Naruto didn’t seem too bothered by it, probably a little too used to Gaara’s shifting moods to take it to heart. He gave a quick wave before jogging to his car. Gaara watched him from the doorway, arms crossed as he leaned against the door frame. He waited until Naruto was driving away before finally closing the door and shuffling back to his bedroom. His bed was a comforting embrace, even if he was a little too aware of it lacking Naruto’s warmth. He didn’t want to think about that right now, either.
He wasn’t planning on sleeping tonight.
Saturday, December 2nd, 7:40 p.m.
“You look like hell.” Sasuke passed Gaara a cup of tea, sitting back down on his bed beside him.
Gaara hadn’t slept the previous night after Naruto went home. He’d been awake, his mind all over the place, locked up in his bedroom in a weak attempt at ignoring the world. It had been suffocating, actually, and he had finally peeled himself out of bed and shot Sasuke a text that he was coming over. Now he was in Sauske’s room, sitting on the edge of his bed and holding the warm cup of tea tightly. He shot Sasuke a small scowl. “Thanks.”
Sasuke smiled a little and glanced towards the Tv where he had some anime playing when Gaara showed up. “So, your dad seriously wants to see you guys?”
“I guess so.” Gaara took a sip of the tea, savoring the warmth.
“Why?” Sasuke sounded as baffled as Gaara felt about it. “What could he possibly want to talk to you three about?”
“Maybe he’s dying.” Gaara offered lightly, staring into his tea cup before he shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. I can’t imagine it’ll be anything good.”
“Probably not.” Sasuke agreed and scooted further back onto the bed, back pressed against the wall that the bed sat against. “Are you going to take Naruto if you go?”
“I haven’t really decided.” Gaara had thought about it for hours, dreading the idea and yet yearning for it. The comfort of having another person with him. The horror of someone seeing a part of his life he had tried to shut out. “I think he’d go if I asked him to but…”
“It's a bit anxiety-inducing to think about it?” Sasuke finished his sentence, nodding softly. He knew Gaara and his anxiety far too well. “I think he’d probably like to be there as moral support but I can see how you would be hesitant. Rasa wasn’t exactly Naruto’s biggest fan when we were in school.”
Rasa would just about lose his shit every time he’d walk into the school office to see Naruto seated in a chair across from Gaara, the both of them bruised or bloody from a fight. It would be sort of funny to see the look on his dad’s face when Gaara walked in holding Naruto’s hand but if Rasa said something out of line Gaara was sure he’d lose it. He didn’t exactly want Naruto to see him lose it in any sort of way relating to his dad.
“You could always take me with you.” Sasuke suggested with an almost evil sounding chuckle. “I’m sure your dad would just love to see me again.”
Rasa was well aware of Sasuke’s hatred for him and…well, it would have been pretty funny to bring Sasuke. Gaara smiled softly at the thought but he still shook his head, taking another sip of his tea. “Maybe next time. If I take anyone it should be Naruto, all things considered.” That was what he would do if he and Naruto were dating for real, after all. Maybe. If he could stomach bringing a romantic partner around his father.
“Take your time thinking it over.” Sasuke nudged him gently with his elbow and smiled a little. “I think it would be a good idea to take him with you but only do what you’re comfortable with. He would understand. But get some sleep first, Gaara. You really look terrible.”
Gaara rolled his eyes, glaring at Sasuke from over the rim of his cup. “Astounding that you managed to find a boyfriend with that attitude.”
Sasuke smirked a bit, sticking his tongue out at him. “Suigetsu loves my attitude, actually.”
“Disgusting.” Gaara giggled a little bit, finally starting to relax. Talking to Sasuke usually helped like this and he was glad he did it.
“That being said,” Sasuke added after a moment, suddenly looking very serious. “If your dad starts any shit with you while you’re there, I won’t hesitate to drive there and kick his ass.”
That was a great mental image. Gaara chuckled again, passing his now empty teacup to Sasuke. “I appreciate it but Kankuro will most likely beat you to it.”
“I’d hate to miss it, at the very least.” Sasuke took the cup and set it aside on a small table by his bed. “At least send me a video if your brother actually fights your dad.”
“Trust me, Sasuke; you’ll be the first to hear about it.”
12:30 a.m.
Gaara had yet to fall asleep. His anxiety had calmed since talking to Sasuke and he was exhausted now but it seemed that sleep was still avoiding him. Which didn’t surprise him. He was lucky he didn’t work this weekend, a dip in his usual client numbers that was pretty standard when the weather dropped. He could just imagine the headache he’d have if he had to tattoo someone with the way he was feeling.
He had some random movie playing softly on the Tv, scrolling through his phone in the dark with his blankets wrapped firmly around himself. He’d probably sleep soon, hopefully.
Ah, his phone was vibrating in his hand with a phone call. From Naruto, which wasn’t a surprise. Gaara answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
“I figured you were awake.” Naruto replied with a soft scoff. He also sounded tired. “How are you?”
“I’m alright.” Gaara mumbled into the phone. “Better than you last saw me, I guess.”
“Good. I was sort of worried.” Naruto admitted and Gaara believed him. “I was going to text you earlier but I wasn’t sure if you still needed some space or not.”
“Oh, I was just rotting away in bed.” Gaara turned over onto his back, smirking softly to himself as he heard Naruto’s grunt of disapproval. “But I appreciate the space. I…need it sometimes.” He needed it a lot more than most people liked.
“I figured.” There was a rustling on Naruto’s end, most likely the sound of him shifting in bed. “Have you decided if you’re going to go to your dad’s with your brother and sister?”
Frowning up at the ceiling, Gaara stifled a sigh. “I’m going to go. If Temari and Kankuro are going then I will, too.” The words felt kind of heavy in his mouth.
“Yeah?” Surprise laced Naruto’s voice like he had expected Gaara to say no. That would have been a logical response from Gaara’s end. “Do you know when you guys are going?”
“Not yet.” Gaara had yet to ask his sister if he were to be honest. “Temari hasn’t set up a day and time with him yet, I think, but I’m sure she will soon. She needs as much time to mentally prepare to see him as I do.” He was sure it would be a few more days until Temari called their dad back to set up a time. Even she needed some time to mentally prepare.
“Right, right…” Naruto trailed off and yawned, reminding Gaara that it was fairly late. For Naruto, at least. Even so, Naruto had gone out of his way to check on him and that was kind of him. Far too kind.
“Do you want to go with me?” Gaara squeezed his eyes shut as he spoke, his anxiety already slowly creeping back up on him at the mere idea of Naruto in his dad’s house. The same house Gaara had hated living in for years. The same home where violence and rage seeped into the walls, choking out any sort of kindness that could have existed.
Naruto didn’t answer right away. Gaara wondered if he shouldn’t have asked, if he should have just gone alone and dealt with it. He was hoping Naruto didn’t feel put on the spot or that he felt like he had to agree to go, their dating dynamic set aside. The last thing he wanted was for Naruto to go with him out of pure pity or obligation. The visit was going to be miserable enough as it was.
“Do you want me to go?” Naruto asked, serious. “I know the whole thing with your dad is a lot and I just don’t want to go if it will make you feel worse. Does that make sense? Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be there as support and everything but I don’t want to make it harder for you.”
Gaara’s stomach fluttered. Naruto had thought hard about this, about what Gaara would want and need in a high stress situation. It was more than what most people did for him, even some friends. There was a part of him that was a little put off by the whole thing and he had to fight that feeling away. If he snapped at Naruto for being nice then it would just cause even more problems.
“I think I'd like for you to go.” Gaara assured him softly. “It would help me.” It really was weird to say something like that. It was even weirder for it to be true and for it to feel right when he said it.
“Then I’ll go.” Naruto was grinning, obvious from his bright reply. “Whenever Temari sets up a time let me know, alright?”
“I will.” Gaara turned back over onto his side, pulling his blankets even tighter around himself. “You should sleep. It’s getting pretty late.”
“You should, too.” Naruto scoffed, immediately being cut off by another yawn. “God, yeah. I’m really tired. I was just worried about you and couldn’t really focus on sleeping until I made sure you weren’t like…going insane.”
Gaara didn’t have the heart to tell Naruto that he had, indeed, been going insane the entire day. It wouldn’t have helped or provided anything useful to the conversation. It made him feel bad that Naruto had been worried about him all day anyway. “I’ll sleep soon.”
“Good.” Another yawn before Naruto gave a soft huff into the phone. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later, man. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Gaara murmured, hanging up and shoving his phone underneath his pillow.
He didn’t want to think about seeing his dad but he knew it would linger in the back of his mind, putting him on edge. He did feel a little better knowing he wouldn’t be alone while his brother and sister had their partners, though he knew Kankuro and Temari would have tried their best to watch out for him, too. But Temari and Kankuro would be just as on edge as him and it just didn’t feel right to expect them to keep an eye on him. He was an adult now and even if the idea of being in the same room as his father made him want to throw up, he could handle himself.
At least he hoped he could.
Notes:
I had mixed feelings about this chapter but I hope you enjoyed!
Chapter 6
Notes:
welcome back!! Now, I know I tried to keep this on a semi-frequent schedule but I'm gonna be real with you all. I am very tired all the time and my mental health was in the gutter for a bit because I was pressuring myself into several different writing projects and...well, I just have never been good at managing all my hobbies on top of work. But! I am back and I hope this chapter is enjoyable to you.
As a warning, there is smut in this chapter. I don't usually write smut...ever, honestly, so if it's bad or just doesn't flow well then I apologize! Anyway, enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Tuesday, December 5th, 7:05 p.m.
“So be real with me,” Naruto set his chopsticks down on a napkin, the taste of fresh salmon still on his tongue. “What should I expect when we all go to their dad’s house?”
Naruto had been going crazy thinking about being around Gaara’s dad. He didn’t know Rasa well and had only seen him when he was a teenager, stuck in the principal’s office for fighting with Gaara. Rasa hadn’t been a fan of Naruto’s but Naruto wasn’t really a fan of his, either. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try to make a decent impression. Even if Rasa sucked, there was no reason to start off on the wrong foot. So he had called Shikamaru and Kiba out to dinner at a sushi place they all liked, hoping to get insight from the two people that knew the Sabaku family better than anyone else.
Kiba and Shikamaru both glanced at each other, frowning, before Kiba shrugged his shoulders a bit and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. “Gaara’s told you about him, yeah?”
“Kind of.” Naruto propped his elbow on the restaurant table, chin in his hand. “A basic rundown of how awful he was to all three of them. But you guys have seen him in person more than I have, especially within the last few years.”
“Hardly.” Shikamaru scoffed as he took a drink of his water, setting the glass down gently on the table. “Kankuro and Temari don’t make a habit of seeing him in person. To be honest the last time all of us were in the same room was Gaara’s twenty-first birthday and that was a disaster. Since then it's mostly just been emails from him that Temari reads and never responds to.”
“He showed up once when Gaara was at work one weekend.” Kiba admitted through a sigh, shaking his head to himself. “It was two years ago, I think? He was dropping off family photo albums he had found in a storage room. Pictures of Temari and Kankuro as kids. Gaara as a baby. Their mom. But he didn’t stay long; Kankuro chased him off after thirty minutes. Neither of them were happy he was there and Gaara was even less thrilled when they mentioned it that night.”
“Yeah, that’s right.” Shikamaru nodded, scoffing quietly. “I wasn’t there for that like Kiba was but even that wasn’t great. Ever since then he’s made himself scarce. He does send emails and texts to both Temari and Kankuro but neither of them reply as far as I’m aware. I think that’s why Temari answered his phone call; he never calls.”
It sounded like a messy situation but Naruto wasn’t too surprised by that. He wasn’t expecting everything to be happy and cheerful, after all. It sort of sounded like Gaara had less tolerance for their father than his brother and sister which made sense. Gaara had been too young to really know his mother. Temari and Kankuro had both been old enough to remember their father before he morphed into the monster that haunted their halls. “Well, what is he going to be like when we go?”
“Honestly?” Kiba reached for his own discarded drink, some sort of warm tea that had gone cold long ago. “He’ll probably be really polite. He’s doing this thing where he says he was a shitty parent but doesn’t actually acknowledge it. He’s trying to sweep it under the rug and pretend they’re this happy little family. It makes Kankuro want to scream.”
That was close to what Naruto had expected. Rasa had seemed that way back when he and Gaara were teens, too. He’d always be furious in the school office, talking calmly but firmly about how outraged he was about Naruto laying a hand on his son. He’d played the role of concerned father well considering he was hurting Gaara far worse than Naruto ever had.
Naruto frowned down at his last salmon roll, picking up his chopsticks again and scooping it up. “That sounds shitty.” He mumbled, displeased. “But it could be worse, I guess. How are Temari and Kankuro feeling about having to see him?”
Both Kiba and Shikamaru sighed at the same time, Shikamaru rubbing the back of his neck. “Temari is super stressed out about it. Her feelings about their dad are…really complicated. She’s really worried about Gaara being there. She’s worried about Kankuro getting involved if Rasa starts to pick a fight with Gaara.”
“Kankuro doesn’t really fuck around anymore when it comes to their dad.” Kiba agreed softly. “He’ll be civil until Rasa says something that he doesn’t like. He’s protective of Temari and Gaara. And…He and Temari are very protective of Gaara. Kankuro was honestly hoping Gaara wouldn’t agree to go.”
“So was I.” It had surprised Naruto by how strongly he had hoped Gaara would refuse to go. It had been jarring enough a month ago to hear Gaara talk about what their dad did. Seeing Gaara in his own bedroom, recoiling at Temari’s mere mention of their dad, had made something protective inside of Naruto snap a little.
Naruto hated seeing people he cared about be scared like that. He cared about Gaara. He couldn’t refuse that anymore. They were friends, in some weird way, and he was protective over all of his friends no matter what. The idea of Gaara having to be face to face with his dad made Naruto’s skin crawl. He had been glad, then, that Gaara had agreed to let Naruto go with them. “I'm glad he's letting me go with you guys. He’ll need the distraction and I’m sure Kankuro and Temari will be emotionally compromised.”
“They absolutely will.” Kiba gave a final firm nod before he shoveled food into his mouth. Talking through a mouthful of rice, fish, and wasabi, he continued, “You’ll get to meet Mei, too.”
“Stop talking with your mouthful, dude.” Shikamaru tossed a napkin to him, grimacing in disgust.
“Who’s Mei?” Naruto asked, definitely unable to recall that name ever coming up when he was with Gaara.
“Mei Terumi,” Shikamaru replied with a small shrug. “She’s their dad’s girlfriend. She was a business partner for a while and they started dating shortly after Gaara started living with Temari and Kankuro.”
Huh. Naruto hadn’t even considered the idea of Rasa actually having a romantic partner. Gaara had never mentioned it before, though he hardly talked about his dad as it was. “Do Gaara and his siblings…like her?”
Kiba made a vague gesture with his hand, almost waving the question off. “They tolerate her. They aren’t rude to her if there’s no reason to be.”
“But they definitely wonder how she can be with him, all things considered.” Shikamaru added. “She knows how Rasa treated them…or at least she knows what Rasa told her. And what he told her was pretty vague. She tries to be involved when Temari and the other two are around but it isn’t like they’re a big happy family. It’s complicated and messy.”
Naruto could sort of understand that, though. If this woman knew that Rasa had hurt his children the way he did, how could she love him? He couldn’t imagine willingly being with someone so horrible. He already didn’t like the lady and he had yet to even meet her.
“Aside from all that…there’s not really much we can say.” Kiba, finally finished with his food, leaned back a little into his seat. “It’ll be a really weird evening and I’m pretty sure that Kankuro and the other two will be pretty upset by the end of it even if nothing happens. The three of us are just there to make sure they have someone to lean on afterwards.”
That was something Naruto was good at. Or he tried to be good at it, at the very least. Comforting people was kind of second nature to him, as easy as breathing, and it was still easy when it came to comforting Gaara. Gaara wouldn’t exactly make it easy all the time, he was sure, but he was hoping that his presence alone helped at least a little bit. If they left Rasa’s house and Naruto couldn’t help ease Gaara out of whatever mood he’d be in after that, it would drive Naruto insane. He hated not being able to help. He hated being useless to people. It made him want to scream.
“Can’t say I’m excited about this.” Naruto heaved a dramatic sigh, shaking his head to himself. He’d have time to stress about whether or not he was helpful later. “I doubt Rasa will be too happy to see his son walking in with me but I am sort of excited about seeing the look on his face at the very least.”
“Oh, so are we.” Shikamaru’s smirk was smug and almost down right evil, a look that wasn’t a usual one for him. That spoke volumes for how much he really hated Rasa.
Yeah, they could all at least look forward to that.
Friday, December 8th, 5:00 p.m.
Stepping into the tattoo shop saved him from the icy wind outside and, almost instantly, his body was wrapped in the warmth of the shop. Naruto shivered, rubbing his freezing hands on his sweater a bit as he offered a smile towards Konan. “Hey, Konan.”
“Oh, hey, Naruto.” She glanced up from her work computer, though her hands kept typing away at the keyboard. “That wind never calmed down, huh?” She made a face as she glanced past him towards the door he had come in from.
“Nope.” Naruto shook his head, walking around her front desk to head towards the employee area. “It’s so cold out there, Konan. Make sure you wear a jacket when you leave!” Ironic, considering he only wore a thin sweater that did very little to protect him from the harsh wind.
Sasuke and Hinata were both seated on the little couch when he walked in, Hinata sketching away on a notebook. Sasuke offered him a nod of acknowledgement, smiling. “Hey, Naruto.” He had a water bottle in one hand and his phone in the other.
“Hey guys.” He stopped in front of them, leaning over a bit to peer down at Hinata’s sketch book. “Oh, that’s cool. A cat skull and crystals jutting out of it?”
“Yeah.” Hinata glanced up and smiled at him a little before looking back at the sketchbook. She frowned in thought, shaking her head softly. “The design is not sitting well with me, though. I’ll work on it more tomorrow. I have to get going soon; Neji and I are going to my dad’s soon. I’m just waiting for Neji to come pick me up.”
Naruto didn’t even try to hide the scowl that formed on his face at the mention of Hinata’s dad. “Gross. Is it another family dinner?”
“Yep.” Hinata tossed her sketchbook onto the couch with a heavy sigh, leaning heavily back into the couch. “Tenten and Shino are coming with us so I feel better about it but it’s still a little stressful.”
“It’ll be alright.” Sasuke’s hand came up to ruffle Hinata’s hair affectionately, a gesture that seemed to make her relax even more. Good. “Your dad is too old to start shit at this point and if he does you know Neji will say something.”
Hinata and Neji grew up with a bit of a…complicated relationship. But they grew out of it over time, became close, and were more like siblings than cousins. Neji certainly had no issues putting Hinata’s dad in his place if he tried to make a jab at Hinata’s life choices or self esteem. Naruto was a little jealous; he’d wanted to put that man in his place for ages. A lot of their friends did, honestly.
“Where’s Gaara?” Naruto glanced towards Gaara’s usual work desk but it was empty, the chair pushed in and everything.
“In his tattoo room.” Sasuke replied, tilting his head in the direction of Gaara’s work room. “He’s been in there most of the day. He’s stressed out and started getting snippy earlier so he excused himself.”
Naruto was afraid of that. He frowned softly and sighed. “He’s really in his head about seeing his dad.” He murmured, trying to keep his voice low. He had figured as much when Gaara’s replies to his texts had become even less lively than they usually were. He hadn’t made much of a deal about it because he figured Gaara’s emotions would be all over the place for a while but it still made him uneasy to know, to not really have a way to comfort Gaara over the phone. At least when he had been at Gaara’s that other night he had been able to hug him and hold him for a while. That was better than being useless on the other end of a phone.
Naruto had been thinking a little too hard about this his entire day at work. It was really hard to work with kids while your brain was slowly setting itself on fire, worried sick over a guy that stress seemed to cling to effortlessly. Not that it was Gaara’s fault, of course.
“Can’t really blame him.” Sasuke lifted a leg to try and shove Naruto in the direction of Gaara’s work room with his foot. “He’s been in there for a while, though. Go check on him.”
Naruto was surprised that he didn’t want to refuse. He opened up the door to Gaara’s work room, immediately met with the sound of the Tv playing, and as he closed the door behind himself he saw Gaara sitting on his usual chair near the counter, sketching away in his own sketchbook. At the sound of the door closing Gaara paused and glanced over his shoulder, arching a brow at the sight of Naruto standing there. “Oh. Hey.”
“Hey.” Naruto made his way over to him, keeping his smile soft. He looked over his shoulder at the sketchbook, at the mess of scribbled out designs scattered on the page. Oh, yeah; Gaara was definitely stressing hard. “Sasuke and Hinata told me you’ve been here most of the day. Stressed out?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever not been stressed out.” Gaara scoffed, finally setting down his sketching pencil to instead cover his face with his hands. He stayed like that for a few moments and Naruto waited patiently, biting his lip, and finally Gaara let his hands slip away as he sighed. “I was snapping at Konan and Sasuke earlier. I came in here so I’d stop doing that.”
“You’re stressed out. Lashing out is a pretty common thing that happens.” Naruto had lashed out due to his own anxiety plenty of times. It was almost a natural urge sometimes.
Gaara stared down at the notebook and Naruto desperately wished he could see his face. “I hate this. I hate how that man makes me feel.”
Naruto didn’t have a response ready and he was sort of mad at himself about it. He kicked aside the self pity though, because it wasn’t like Gaara expected him to have an answer for everything, and he reached out to gently set his hand on Gaara’s shoulder. “Do you want to go home? It’s about your usual time to clock out anyway.”
Gaara groaned and turned his chair around so they could face each other and Naruto could finally see just how much this Rasa meeting had messed the other up. Gaara looked down right exhausted, more than Naruto had ever seen him look lately. In fact, he almost looked like a mirror image of his high school self, exhausted and on edge and ready to bare his teeth at the world and with messy looking hair to top it all off. Naruto could almost bet Gaara had only slept a handful of hours the last few days, if any at all, and he didn’t even want to know if Gaara had been drinking water and eating anything.
Naruto was instantly struck with his own wave of anxiety. Should he have reached out even more than he already was? Should he have been checking in with Gaara to make sure he was okay? Could he have helped even a little bit if he had tried a little harder?
“Home is weird right now.” Gaara’s voice ripped him out of his anxiety and Naruto blinked at him, waiting for him to elaborate. Gaara sighed again, sounding a little annoyed. “The three of us are all…on edge. It's weird. I just don’t want to deal with the tension right now.”
Naruto was almost positive that Kankuro and Temari didn’t mean to be tense, even with each other. He wasn’t going to pretend that he knew how those two felt about their father but he knew how Gaara felt and, if they were the same way, it might have been impossible to avoid being tense. But he could understand how it would set Gaara off. “Do you want to come over to my place, then? Mom and Dad are gone until late. They have a date night thing or whatever. You can stay as long as you want.” Weeks ago, he would have been mortified by how easy it was to invite Gaara over.
Gaara actually thought about it. He nodded slowly. “...That would be nice, I guess. I have to clean up here first so it might be a bit until I’m ready.”
“Take your time.” Naruto waved it off. “No rush. I’ll wait out there for you.”
He left Gaara to do his cleaning, not wanting to be in the way, and saw that only Sasuke remained on the couch out in the sitting room. Naruto pouted a bit. “Aw, damn. Did Neji already pick up Hinata?”
“Yeah, like right when you went into Gaara’s work room.” Sasuke replied, standing up and shoving his phone into the pocket of the baggy black sweats he wore. He went over to his own work desk, picking up the backpack that rested on the chair. “I’m heading out, too. Suigetsu and I are catching a movie soon. Itachi is staying late with his current appointment.”
“Gaara and I are leaving as soon as he’s done cleaning.” Naruto sat on the arm of the couch, crossing one leg over the other. “He’s really stressing hard, man.”
Sasuke paused after slinging his backpack over his shoulder, frowning softly as he nodded, glancing towards Gaara’s work room. “Yeah, I know.” He shrugged his shoulders, looking as lost as Naruto actually felt about it all. “He’s going to be messed up about it for a while. I’m…glad you’re going but don’t be surprised if he starts being a little skittish or temperamental. He gets like that when his stress is really bad. He doesn’t mean it but…don’t let him get away with being mean if he is. He’ll feel terrible afterwards if you do.”
Naruto actually appreciated the heads up from Sasuke, someone who knew Gaara and how he handled his stress better than he did. He was sort of too anxious himself but only because he didn’t know how to ease Gaara’s stress. He couldn’t and he knew that but he still wanted to. He hated standing by and being useful, unhelpful. Sasuke also knew that about Naruto and knew how his anxiety worked, too. He was trying to look out for the both of them as much as he could with such a scary situation on the horizon. “I’ll watch out for him. Don’t worry.”
6:30 p.m.
Gaara hadn’t relaxed much since arriving at Naruto’s house. He didn’t even relax into Naruto’s mound of pillows, something Naruto had thought for sure would entice him. Gaara was just sitting up right, fists clenched tightly in his lap as he stared at the Tv where Naruto had put on some random movie. He was sure Gaara wasn’t really watching the movie, too lost in thought, but he let it slip for a while in hopes that Gaara would gradually relax.
Clearly, Naruto was wrong.
He sat up a little and leaned heavily into Gaara, making him grunt in response and shoot him a curious look. Naruto raised an eyebrow at him. “Gaara, you’ve got to relax. You clearly haven’t been sleeping and you’re like, stiff as a board.”
Gaara rolled his eyes as he looked back at the Tv. “Believe it or not, I’m trying.”
Naruto did believe it. He also believed that Gaara probably was the worst at stress management no matter what the situation. “Well, what do you usually do to relax?”
Gaara deflated a little, shoulders sagging. “I read or draw. If I’m really stressed then I talk to my siblings about it but…I don’t want to talk to them about this. Not right now, at least. And I’ve been drawing and reading and listening to music and everything else I normally do. It isn’t working. I haven’t been this stressed in a really long time.”
Naruto almost wanted to ask what Gaara used to do when he was stressed when he still lived with Rasa but he decided against that; clearly Gaara wasn’t very good at stress management back then, either. Plus, that didn’t seem like a good door to open up right now, all things considered. The last thing he wanted to do was make Gaara remember bad memories more than he probably already was.
Naruto nodded slowly and looked back at the Tv, thinking. It surprised him when Gaara spoke up first. “What do you do when you’re stressed out a lot?”
“Uh…kind of depends, honestly.” Naruto thought about it, humming softly in thought. “I take walks a lot. It isn’t a perfect distraction but it can be nice to just get out for a while. Usually, though, I talk through whatever is stressing me out with Sakura; she’s great at giving advice. I play a calming video game, something that I can do on my own. I clean, too, and that actually helps a ton. Sometimes, though, what helps the most is…” He felt his face heat up a little bit. “Jerking off.”
Gaara jerked beside him and his head whipped to the side so he could eye Naruto with disbelief. “Dude-”
“You asked!” Naruto reminded him with a not so gentle jab to the side with his hand. “I mean it, though. Sometimes a nice self love session does wonders. You know?” God, he was probably just embarrassing Gaara more.
Gaara shoved his hand away, rubbing where he’d been jabbed, and he frowned at Naruto in a way that looked more confused than anything else. “No. I don’t know.”
All at once, Naruto recalled their conversation in his dark car after that evening at Sasuke’s. Gaara actually had no real sexual experience before Sasuke, even when it came to solo activities. Of course Gaara didn’t understand what Naruto was talking about. Gaara didn’t exactly partake in the usual, private pastimes most men their ages did. If he remembered correctly, Gaara didn’t touch himself at all.
Naruto hesitated, watching Gaara’s confused and, understandably, weary expression. “You seriously never…?” He trailed off, making a vague gesture towards Gaara’s crotch. “Ever?”
Gaara shook his head slowly, face turning a shade of pink that never failed to make something burn hot in Naruto’s gut. He glanced away, seeming to close in on himself a little bit. “I’ve done it before but…not much. It isn’t…I don’t…”
“You don’t have to tell me.” Naruto assured quickly, suddenly realizing how on the spot Gaara must have felt in that moment with such…intimate details.
“I can’t…finish. Like that, I mean.” Gaara’s words were hurried and he had squeezed his eyes shut, that pink hue to his face steadily becoming more intense. Naruto stared at him silently, letting the words really sink in, and Gaara opened his eyes as he glanced at him again. His shoulders slumped a bit in defeat. “I know it sounds stupid or something-”
“Whoa, I never said anything!” Naruto cut him off with a scoff, shaking his head. Gaara was very out of his element right now and the last thing Naruto wanted to do was make him feel worse. “I mean, I think a lot of people have that same issue. It isn’t weird.”
Gaara didn’t look too convinced, still awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact. “That’s why I don’t do it. So…yeah.”
Well, Naruto had walked them into an awkward conversation. He filed that information away for later, though; he and Gaara did mess around a little, if a few interrupted make out sessions counted as messing around. This was probably information he’d need to remember. But see, the problem was, Naruto had a bit of a stronger sex drive than Gaara did. Despite wanting to make sure Gaara didn’t feel like he was being shamed for his lack of self pleasure experience, Naruto’s brain was filled with images of a less pure nature.
Did Gaara’s face have that same pink hue when he tried to touch himself, hesitant and unsteady? Did he grunt in frustration, lip caught between his teeth because he was deep in thought (Gaara bit his lip when he was lost in thought a lot) and, when he was hard and desperate and at a loss for what else he could do, did he lie in bed frustrated, panting, his skin burning hot with the desire for more?
Naruto’s brain suddenly hatched a plan that he knew was probably a bad idea. But they were in this situation because of Naruto’s bad ideas, after all, and he was pretty sure Gaara would be into it with a little convincing. Gaara, for all his talk about not really liking people, also had a rather desperate side to him that Naruto sort of liked to see. Like that evening in Sai’s kitchen when Gaara had been watching him like a hawk, face tinted pink as his eyes kept darting to Naruto’s lips. At first it had made Naruto’s brain short circuit because he really didn’t expect Gaara to want to initiate anything with him. But then, after catching Gaara’s heated gaze, it had made his body burn hot with desire and…well, then they had made out and making out with Gaara was something Naruto enjoyed more than he expected. There was something earnest about Gaara’s desire, the way he whined against Naruto’s lips, that drug out something a little more dominant in Naruto that he didn’t usually indulge in. It made him want to drag more and more sounds out of Gaara, made him want to see him squirm under him again.
Naruto nudged Gaara with his arm. “You know what else is pretty relaxing?”
Gaara looked reluctant to respond, still weary from the embarrassment. “What?” He asked slowly, frowning softly.
Naruto smirked a little bit and slid an arm around Gaara, carefully watching his expression for any sign that he should back off. “Making out. That can be a good distraction at the very least.” He had told Gaara that whatever they did, Gaara would have to say he wanted it. That didn’t mean Naruto couldn’t suggest it, of course. He figured Gaara appreciated the gentle push.
To his credit, Gaara didn’t look too put off by the idea. He actually relaxed a little bit and looked towards the Tv again, a look on his face that told Naruto he was thinking it over. That was a pretty good sign but Naruto wasn’t going to push. Gaara was tired, after all, and he didn’t want to make him feel any worse. But they were going to be home alone for a while and Naruto’s brain was filled with so many appealing ideas…
“That’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet in terms of getting myself to relax,” Gaara murmured after a moment, looking back at Naruto. He was still blushing but that look from Sai’s kitchen had returned; that hungry look, like a starving man being given food for the first time in days. “And I’m pretty sure no one will walk in on us this time, at least.”
Naruto had to fight down a laugh; even stressed beyond belief, Gaara was still a hormonal young man with needs. Thank fucking God.
When their lips met this time, embarrassingly enough it was Naruto who let out a soft noise of contentment, one hand coming up to cup Gaara’s cheek. That seemed to make the red head shiver, his lips parting almost instantly to allow Naruto’s tongue to take control of the kiss. Just like both times before, Gaara kissed like it was the last thing he’d ever be able to do and his hands had fisted themselves in Naruto’s sweater. But their position wasn’t right, both of them sitting up and the upper half of their bodies turned awkwardly towards each other. He could have pushed Gaara down, pinned him to the bed just to see him whine and writhe underneath of him again. He wanted to, god did he want to, but he had other plans. He could kiss Gaara breathless another time.
He broke the kiss a little too quickly for both of their liking, dragging an irritated huff from Gaara who frowned at him curiously. Naruto winked at him, still close enough that his lips brushed against Gaara’s as he spoke, “Hey, I have an idea. Do you trust me?”
Gaara’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Quite a loaded question, Uzumaki.”
Naruto rolled his eyes a little and patted Gaara’s cheek a little roughly with his hand, making Gaara swat his hand away from his face with an irritated huff. “Yes or no, jerk?”
It was Gaara’s turn to roll his eyes, though he did it with far more emphasis than needed. He did nod, however, firmly and quickly as he leaned a few inches away from him. “Yeah, I guess so. Why?”
“I have an idea, like I said.” Naruto silently prayed Gaara would go along with this. If he was lucky, Gaara would be relaxed and Naruto would be smug by the time this was over. He moved to sit behind Gaara, legs caging Gaara in on both sides, and he slowly reached out to guide Gaara back into him until the red head was lying back against his chest.
Gaara had stiffened a little bit at first, clearly confused, and his confusion only seemed to increase as he settled comfortably with his back against Naruto’s chest. He glanced over his shoulder at Naruto, frowning. “You were the one to suggest making out and now you want to cuddle?”
“Not exactly,” Naruto murmured, chin resting on Gaara’s shoulder while his hands slowly came around Gaara’s waist, fingertips sneaking under Gaara’s shirt to graze his skin. He felt Gaara jerk slightly and had to fight down another smirk. “Just trust me and don’t worry about it.”
It was easier said than done and he knew that. He was actually surprised Gaara was so easy to convince, though it really just spoke volumes on just how tired he was. This was sort of a new thing for them. The making out was new too, yeah, but they were already easing into it like it was a casual thing for them. Anything else, a tender touch like Naruto’s fingertips dancing along Gaara’s skin under his shirt, was still new and a little strange. But, if Naruto’s sneaky little plan worked, Gaara would hopefully feel a little better.
Gaara sighed softly but made no move to shove Naruto’s hands out of his shirt or to move away from him. He nodded a little bit. “Fine. But don’t be weird.”
Naruto didn’t bother to respond and instead pressed his lips to the back of Gaara’s neck, delighted in the way the other’s breath hitched rather loudly. Naruto kissed the spot again before moving to kiss the side of Gaara’s neck, feeling the way Gaara shivered against him, before he drug his tongue along his neck slowly. Gaara made a choked sort of noise, one of his hands clenching against Naruto’s thigh. Naruto smirked softly. “You’re really sensitive, huh?”
“It would seem so.” Gaara muttered. Naruto just knew he was blushing hard; the tips of his ears were pink! “My…neck is especially sensitive. As you discovered.”
Naruto had thought as much back during their couch make out session but had yet to be able to test his theory. Once again he offered no response, kissing at the expanse of Gaara’s neck slowly, occasionally letting his teeth skin across his skin just enough to draw out another shiver. He wanted to bite down on Gaara’s neck, wanted to taste his skin and maybe, if he was lucky, leave a few marks in his wake. He had a bit of a thing for marking his partners and as embarrassing as it was to admit to, it was just really hot. Kinks were weird like that. He wasn’t sure if Gaara was into that but from the way he was squirming, soft little noises passing his lips at every brush of Naruto’s teeth against his skin, he was starting to think Gaara wouldn’t have minded at all. Feeling daring, and a little dizzy just from Gaara’s soft little sighs, Naruto decided to be bold and he bit the side of Gaara’s neck, earning him a choked moan, and he quickly pulled his mouth away to ask, “Are you okay if I leave marks?”
Gaara cleared his throat, taking an uneven breath as he pointedly did not look over his shoulder at Naruto. “Y-yeah. Sure.” His hand that had previously clenched against Naruto’s thigh had moved to grip his thigh tightly, the feeling making something warm pool low in Naruto’s gut again.
Oh, how could Naruto pass up the chance? The next time his teeth found his neck, Gaara’s moan was louder than before, his breaths coming a little quicker. Naruto didn’t waste any time sucking a hickey right onto Gaara’s pale neck, his hands finally remembering that they existed as they traveled further up Gaara’s stomach and chest. He found Gaara’s nipples, gently pinching them and grinning against Gaara’s neck at the gasps it earned him. He sorta wished he could see Gaara’s face and the agonizingly hot, bright pink hue that was no doubt present. But if he was lucky, there’d be time for that on a different day.
“Hey, there’s a second half to this idea of mine.” Naruto murmured against Gaara’s ear before slowly dragging his tongue along the shell of his ear, smirking when he heard Gaara’s soft gasp. “But it involves you doing a bit of work on your end.”
Gaara hummed a little bit, tilting his head in a way that gave Naruto even more access to his neck. Naruto kissed the newly exposed patch of skin, biting gently, and Gaara asked shakily, “What is it?”
Naruto laid his chin on Gaara’s shoulder, gently pinching Gaara’s nipples again with his fingers. “Pull your cock out.”
Gaara seemed to choke on air and, had Naruto’s arms not been around him, he probably would have jolted up right and out of the bed. But Naruto kept his grasp firm, keeping Gaara against him, and Gaara seemed to struggle to find words for a moment, giving Naruto a rather alarmed look over his shoulder. “ What? ”
“You heard me.” Naruto grinned back at him, looking pointedly towards Gaara’s crotch. “You said you trusted me so get to it.”
Gaara’s eyes narrowed from over his shoulder, though the bright blush that was visible made it hard for Naruto to take it too seriously. “You can’t just say something like that to someone.”
“Gaara,” Naruto said his name slowly, his voice soft and warm in a way that made Gaara’s narrowed gaze soften just a little. He wondered, as he moved his hands to instead stroke along Gaara’s sides, if he knew his gaze had softened like that at Naruto’s voice. “I know you act like a blushing virgin and all, but considering you slept with Sasuke, I know you’re not one.”
“Please don’t talk about Sasuke with your hands under my shirt.” Gaara sighed, hanging his head as he started to squirm a bit. Yikes. Not what Naruto had been hoping for. Naruto tightened his hold a little, making Gaara huff in annoyance again. “Naruto-”
“Let me help you relax.” Naruto pleaded, voice still as soft as before as he spoke into Gaara’s ear. Gaara paused in his squirming and Naruto nuzzled his nose into Gaara’s hair gently, hoping to ease whatever anxiety his sudden request had accidentally caused Gaara to feel. “You aren’t feeling the best and I want to help. Let me help you, Gaara.”
He wasn’t going to force it if Gaara really didn’t want to; he wasn’t a monster. He was horny, sure, but what he had in mind actually wouldn’t give anyone but Gaara any sort of release. This was all for Gaara but only if he wanted it.
Slowly, Gaara relaxed in his arms, finally leaning heavily back into Naruto’s chest. His hand, gripping Naruto’s thigh, loosened a little, stroking idly in a way that kind of tickled through Naruto’s own pants. But Gaara sighed a little and turned his head to look at Naruto, bringing them nose to nose. He was still blushing, of course, and he seemed to be working himself up to speaking. “Alright.”
Alright . One word said in Gaara’s typical, monotone voice. To anyone else it would have sounded like he was uninterested or like Naruto had sort of forced it on him, but Naruto was starting to know him better than that. Gaara was explicit with his own consent whenever it was given, no matter the situation. He never allowed himself to be put in a situation he didn’t want to be in. So Naruto knew that with that single word Gaara was trusting him. He could even see it in Gaara’s eyes, in the way his gaze had softened again and dropped down to look at Naruto’s lips.
Naruto kissed him because he liked kissing Gaara and because he hoped the other would know that, in some way, it was Naruto’s way of thanking him for his trust.
Gaara tried to kiss him back as best as their awkward situation would allow, his teeth biting Naruto’s lower lip and tugging just gently enough to send a warm shiver down his spine. Naruto pulled away from the kiss with a soft chuckle, arching an eyebrow. “Alright. Whip it out.”
Gaara’s eyes rolled so hard Naruto almost swore they’d fall out of his skull. “Don’t ever say that to me again.” He muttered, looking away so he could wrestle with his clothing a little.
Naruto cut him some slack and looked away, focusing on the Tv. He couldn’t even recall what had happened in whatever he had put on earlier at this point but he was thankful for the background noise, if nothing else. Doing anything sexy in pure silence was fun, sure, but he had a strong feeling that Gaara wouldn’t agree. Gaara seemed like the type to need background noise. Though knowing Gaara’s expansive list of horror media, Naruto shuddered at the thought of doing anything close to sexy with something scary playing. He knew lots of people were into it but him? Nope. No way. The last thing he needed was the sounds of screaming and slashing to kill his boner.
Naruto glanced down at Gaara’s lap, feeling his own face heat up at what he saw. Gaara had indeed managed to pull his dick out like Naruto asked, his own sweats and boxers pushed down his hips a little bit. His dick was half hard, Gaara’s hand wrapped lightly around it as he tried with all his might not to look at Naruto as he spoke. “Now what?”
Naruto licked his lips, eyeing Gaara’s dick from over his shoulder. He had never really imagined seeing any part of Gaara before, let alone…this part of him. But there it was, half hard and flushed at the tip, rather thick compared to what Naruto would have expected. He was already wondering what it would feel like in his hand or his mouth, what sorts of noises Gaara would make if he pinned his hips to the bed and took his dick into his mouth and had his way with him.
He kicked those thoughts away and cleared his throat, feeling Gaara stiffen a little. He smiled a bit and slowly kissed Gaara’s neck once, twice, and a third time, waiting until he felt him start to relax a little again. “You said you’ve never finished when you touch yourself, right? We’re gonna change that.”
Gaara, much to his credit, didn’t jerk away this time. He did stiffen slightly but Naruto was pretty sure it was just because he was embarrassed about their situation which…okay, Naruto took a little bit of pleasure in that, too.
Gaara cleared his throat, staring down at his own dick in his hand. “What, with you watching?”
“I’ll be doing more than just watching, but basically.” Naruto’s hands were stroking down Gaara’s sides again slowly, lips brushing against his neck. He leaned back for a moment, removing one hand from Gaara’s sweater to reach for the drawer of his nightstand. “Hang on, this will help.”
The bottle of lube that he kept in his drawer probably would have sang out of pure joy when Naruto scooped it up. He hadn’t really touched it in ages, leaving it to gather dust in the dark drawer because of his lack of a sex life. He brought the lube around so Gaara could see it and he tapped Gaara’s hand, the one still wrapped delicately around his cock, with it. “Open your hand.”
“You just keep lube in your nightstand?” Gaara scoffed a little bit as he held his hand out.
Naruto popped open the cap with his thumb and poured what was probably too generous of an amount into Gaara’s palm before tossing the bottle aside. He shrugged. “Well, duh. What if I need it? You don’t keep any?”
Gaara shrugged right back, hand still held up and holding the small pool of lube in his palm. “I have lube but I’m fairly certain I tossed it somewhere in my closet ages ago. I probably can’t even use it anymore. I haven’t touched it since the last time I had sex which was a long time ago.”
“Makes sense considering it’s you.” Naruto fought back the urge to laugh because he didn’t want Gaara to think the laughter was directed at him. So instead, Naruto reached out, guiding Gaara’s hand back down to his cock. He wrapped Gaara’s hand around it, Naruto’s own hand taking a guiding approach as it stayed securely around Gaara’s, and slowly began to guide Gaara’s hand over his dick, spreading the lube slowly and making Gaara’s entire body jolt. Naruto couldn’t help the way his smile softened a little. It was…sort of cute, in some perverted way. Before they had started this whole thing he had never considered Gaara to be shy or inexperienced with this sort of thing. He wasn’t stupid; Gaara had always been pretty hot and he had always figured that at some point, he’d have been beating guys and girls off of him at every turn.
Naruto had been so entirely wrong. Even with his experience with Sasuke, Gaara still seemed to fumble around, at least when it came to self pleasure. A perverted part of Naruto was thrilled that he got to be a part of this.
Gaara’s hand moved slowly, stroking his cock up and down. Every pass of his hand drew a shaky gasp from his lip and Naruto knew that his eyes were squeezed shut, face a brilliant shade of pink. Naruto’s other hand, still under Gaara’s sweater, moved back up his stomach and chest, rolling a nipple between his fingers to hear the other’s breath hitch. “See? Not so bad so far, huh?” He asked softly, lips against Gaara’s ear.
Gaara grunted softly, hand still moving up and down his cock at that slow pace. “I-I’ve gotten this far before, idiot…” He breathed. “I just…never get further.”
“We’ll fix that.” Naruto pressed a soft kiss to Gaara’s neck, over the hickey he had made earlier. “You’re going a little too slow, for starters.” He used his hand still lightly guiding Gaara’s to guide him into stroking a little faster, another shaky gasp passing the red head’s lips. Naruto grinned against his neck. “Talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
“Wh-what?” Gaara turned to look at him a little bit, lips parted slightly. He scowled a little, or at least tried to. “Why?”
“Never underestimate how sexy talking can be.” Naruto shrugged and gave Gaara a quick peck on his lips, winking at him. “Now tell me how it feels when you touch your cock like that.” He emphasized it by squeezing Gaara’s hand, making the grip on his cock tighten a little bit in a way that had Gaara gasping loudly and bucking his hips.
“Fuck..” Gaara tilted his head back, letting it lie on Naruto’s shoulder as he took a shuddering breath. “It…it feels good, a-alright?”
“Good?” Naruto hummed, glancing down to watch their hands. It didn’t take much for Gaara’s cock to harden fully, coated in lube and looking far too good in their hands. He wanted to bat Gaara’s hand away and do it himself but that would have ruined his whole plan. Besides, if he did that, he wasn’t sure what he would do with that much freedom. “How good?” Another light squeeze of their hands.
Gaara let out a small hiss through his teeth, hips jerking again as he finally, finally let out a soft little moan that went straight to Naruto’s own dick. “I-it feels really good, Naruto…”
The way Gaara breathed his name made Naruto groan softly, biting his lip in a weak attempt at muffling the noise. He kissed Gaara’s neck again, biting down rougher than before, and it rewarded him with a loud moan and another delicious jerk of Gaara’s hips. “Maybe you just needed someone to help you. Someone to teach you the right way to touch your pretty little cock, hm?”
“Oh my god, ” Gaara wheezed softly, his other hand flying up to grip awkwardly onto Naruto’s hair to keep him close, lips still kissing and biting at any part of Gaara’s neck he could reach.
Naruto would have smirked if he wasn’t busy tasting whatever part of Gaara’s neck he could. So Gaara liked the dirty talk. Naruto wasn’t sure if he would and they had never really gotten far enough to ask about what they were into. But someone talking him through something like this just felt right in the moment and Naruto, and his own dick, had never been so thankful for his big mouth.
“I-I can’t…” Gaara struggled for words, another buck of his hips making him whimper softly. His other hand, still in Naruto’s hair, tightened so much that it almost hurt, and he let out a choked moan as Naruto tightened their joined grip on his cock. “Naruto, please …!”
“Please? Wow, sounds like you really want something.” Naruto murmured softly, a little distracted by the way his name sounded when Gaara moaned it like that. He took a breath to calm himself a little, smirking to himself. “What do you want, Gaara? You have to use your words.”
“F-fucker,” Gaara hissed, removing his hand from his dick and shoving Naruto’s in its place, panting softly. “Touch me, stupid!”
Well, the whole point had been for Naruto to guide Gaara through this but who was he to refuse a hot guy moaning and whimpering for his touch? Besides, Gaara got the gist of it. The man knew how to jerk off, he just needed a little extra help and…well, Naruto loved to help.
Naruto stroked Gaara’s dick faster than Gaara had before, delighted in the trembling moan he got when he swiped his thumb slowly over the pre-cum leaking head. Gaara’s other hand was moving away from Naruto’s thigh, gripping Naruto’s other arm that was shoved up Gaara’s shirt. He was moving Naruto’s other arm, pulling it out from under his shirt and instead pushing Naruto’s hand up, up…and towards his throat.
Holy shit.
Naruto was embarrassed by the moan that he let out as his hand pressed against Gaara’s throat, drawing a long, high whine from Gaara’s lips. Choking wasn’t something Naruto would have ever imagined Gaara being into, not in a million years, and it wasn’t something Naruto would have brought up on his own, either. Given Gaara’s history with bad physical touch and all, Naruto just assumed…well, he had assumed wrong. So fucking wrong.
God, Gaara was lying against him, writhing and moaning as Naruto jerked him off with a hand around his throat. Naruto could have died on the spot if he wasn’t so thrilled with the results, with every noise that escaped Gaara’s trembling lips. His hand stroked Gaara’s cock faster, other hand pressing a little harder on Gaara’s throat, careful not to hurt him or press down hard enough to leave any fingerprints. That definitely wasn’t something he was going to give Kankuro the chance to tease him about. He took a shaking breath of his own and tilted his head a little, kissing Gaara’s cheek as the red head panted loudly. “Sounds like you’re enjoying yourself, huh?”
“Sh-shut up…” Gaara’s voice held no venom. In fact, it held nothing but heat and want, like he was desperate. Which he probably was, if the way he was bucking into Naruto’s hand was anything to go by.
“Nah, I like talking to you.” Naruto murmured, grinning to himself. “You’re pretty cute like this, all needy and panting like that for me. Must be feeling real good. You like my hand on your cock? Or my hand on your throat?” He was going to be so embarrassed by how into this he was, he knew it. When he had suggested he and Gaara experiment a little to try and keep their age old irritation with each other at bay, he hadn't actually expected to enjoy it this much. But here he was, panting softly against Gaara's ear, spreading precum around the leaking head of Gaara's cock with his thumb like he was born to do it.
He should have been worried but he'd worry later. Or he could blame it on how long he’d gone without sex. At least that way he wouldn’t have to admit how fucking hot it was to see Gaara so desperate like this. At least that way he could make a little sense of how badly he wanted to draw this out and see how far he could push Gaara, but the red head’s breathing had turned rapid, hot pants that sounded more like desperate gasps for air. Gaara was close. God, Naruto loved that.
“N-Naruto…!” Gaara squirmed, his voice higher in pitch, his thighs trembling as Naruto pumped his cock faster. “I-I can’t-”
“You can.” Naruto murmured, lips back against Gaara’s ear, teeth biting along the shell of his ear gently, earning him another shaky gasp. “You can cum, Gaara. I want to hear you cum.”
Gaara’s body jerked and it made Naruto smirk softly, leaning his head back a bit to watch him. He could tell from the way Gaara’s eyes were closed, the way he seemed to be trying to speak and failing to. He was fighting it though Naruto would bet money that he wasn’t really aware he was fighting it. Gaara had some sort of mental block that he couldn’t usually pass on his own but here, with Naruto’s hand working his cock in hurried strokes, he didn’t have to fight it. He had no choice but to let it happen, let Naruto make him feel good.
“Come on, Gaara.” Naruto whispered, his own breathing coming out a little faster than intended. “Let me see you cum, gorgeous.” Gorgeous? Well, shit. Sure, Gaara was attractive and always had been; Naruto wasn’t dumb. But damn, saying it out loud really felt embarrassing.
For Gaara, however, it seemed to be exactly what he needed to hear because not a moment later he was moaning loud enough to probably be heard all through the house, warm cum spilling into Naruto’s hand. Naruto shuddered and moaned softly at the feeling, ducking down to suck another mark on Gaara’s neck right next to the previous one. Gaara whimpered softly, his hand finally falling away from Naruto’s hair as he fought to catch his breath, huffing softly as Naruto kept stroking him through his orgasm.
“E-enough…” Gaara croaked, reaching down to grab onto Naruto’s wrist. “Sensitive…”
Naruto chuckled softly but relented, removing his hand and immediately looking for something to clean it with. He had tossed a sweater onto his bed earlier that morning so he grabbed that, wiping up his hand quickly before turning his attention to the practically boneless redhead laying against him. He smiled a little and shifted them around until they were both lying down, Naruto on his side watching as Gaara panted softly, staring up at the ceiling. Naruto watched him for a few silent moments, a little proud of himself. “You okay?”
Gaara blinked in surprise as if he’d forgotten he wasn’t alone and he turned his head to look over. His face was still flushed pink but after a second he scoffed, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I feel like I died a little bit.”
“You sounded like it.” Naruto snickered softly. “Thank God my parents aren’t home or it would be a really awkward trip down stairs later.”
Gaara nodded in agreement, sighing softly. “...You were right. I do feel a little better.”
“See? I have good ideas.” Naruto reached out to stroke Gaara’s hair, as messy and sweaty as it was now. “That was okay, right? I…didn’t pressure you at all?”
Gaara slapped the hand away with an eye roll. “We both know that I could have thrown you on the floor if I didn’t like it. It was just…a lot.”
“We haven’t talked about doing…anything like that, so that’s why I asked.” Naruto was glad that Gaara had enjoyed it, though. “I know I said that if you wanted to have sex we could but I sort of thought we would have talked about it more first.”
Gaara bit his lip. “Well, you didn’t do anything I didn’t like.” he offered slowly, glancing aside. “I…sort of threw the choking thing on you without asking. So, I’m sorry.”
Naruto snorted loudly, making Gaara jolt. “Oh, man. You so don’t have to apologize for that. It uh…” It was Naruto’s turn to blush. “It was hot. You…God, this is embarrassing.” He sighed loudly, scrubbing a hand over his face. “You’re hot, dude. You’ve always been hot even when I hated you. So seriously, don’t apologize for letting me make you feel good. I’m just happy to help.”
It felt like everything had sort of tumbled a little out of control ever since that first kiss at Gaara’s house. Things between them had shifted in a way Naruto never would have imagined and, while it wasn’t bad entirely, it was still strange enough to leave him feeling a little unsteady. He’d take it in stride, of course, because if they were both feeling good then there was no reason to stress on it too hard but…they were friends now, right? They had to be after everything, after what they had told each other in privacy and especially after Naruto had just given Gaara the best orgasm of his life.
Naruto wasn’t sure why the idea of he and Gaara being friends after all of this made him feel so unsteady.
Gaara sighed softly again and pressed his face into one of the pillows for a second and Naruto let him, leaving them in a comfortable silence. He honestly already looked far more relaxed than he did earlier. The tension in his shoulders seemed to vanish and when he finally looked back at Naruto, the exhausted look in his eyes was softer, like the weight of the world had finally lifted from his shoulders for a while. But now Gaara was looking at him, thinking hard with that lip caught between his teeth again, and Naruto arched a curious brow.
“What are you thinking about so hard?” He huffed a little bit. “I just totally jerked your brains out, you shouldn’t be thinking right now.”
Gaara blinked in surprise before scowling. “Jerked my brains out? God, never say that to me again, either.” He grimaced at the thought before shaking his head a little, eyes darting away from Naruto’s. “I just…do you want me to do you, too?”
Naruto’s face burned red hot at the mental images that were immediately conjured up and he was quick to shake his head. “No, no! No, that’s okay.” Gaara’s gaze seemed to narrow and Naruto rolled his eyes. “Look, the idea is tempting, do not get me wrong. But I only did that so you’d relax and feel good for a bit. This…was totally about you and for you, okay? I don’t want you to do anything for me.”
The idea was really fucking tempting. It was like the moment Gaara had given into his deeply hidden sexual desires with nothing more than simple kisses, Naruto had been able to see something a little hungry blossom to life in him. Gaara wasn’t a super sexual guy and Naruto respected that but there was something almost intoxicating about the way Gaara’s eyes narrowed in on his lips or the way the tension between them was so sick it was nearly suffocating whenever Gaara got in that sort of mood. Naruto liked it. He liked that he had been the one to awaken it all over again and, honestly, he was sort of kicking himself already for turning down Gaara’s offer. Gaara was looking at him like a starving man again, after all, but Naruto had put his foot down; Gaara needed to rest and that was that.
“Such a gentleman.” Gaara mused dryly, lips tugging into a crooked smirk. “But…fine.”
Naruto almost sighed in relief because he didn’t think he’d have it in him to really fight if Gaara was going to really push the issue. He didn’t think he would push it, of course, because Gaara was just shy and too easily flustered, but he had to be prepared for anything.
Naruto chuckled softly. “Rest up for a bit and then next time we hang out you can suck my co-”
“Oh my god, shut up .” Gaara shoved a pillow into Naruto’s face, muffling the snickers that followed. Naruto shoved the pillow aside and laughed louder, making Gaara’s face burn red hot. “God, how can you say shit like that so easily? I hate you.”
“Nah,” Naruto grinned wickedly, all teeth and glee and smug pride. “You don’t.”
Gaara’s frown softened in an instant and for just a moment he seemed to think something over before he shrugged his shoulders lightly. “You’re right, actually. I don’t.”
Naruto’s smile faltered.
It wasn’t like they both despised each other anymore. Naruto knew that and it would have been entirely idiotic to think Gaara was still thinking that, too. But neither of them had really said it out loud in such a validating way. Their new friendship had been mostly unspoken, a soft truce built on learning, on trusting and letting each other in. He’d been a little afraid to say it out loud if he were to be entirely honest. It wasn’t an easy change for his brain to process, the years of animosity faded but not yet vanished from his mind despite their newfound trust in each other.
Getting close to people was just hard and Naruto didn’t like admitting it. The entire mess with Sasuke had fucked his emotions over in a way he hadn’t expected and he tended to view any sort of new, close friendship with a rather unhealthy amount of suspicion. It wasn’t fair of him to be suspicious of Gaara but he couldn’t help it and that was why he hadn’t spoken their trust, their bond, into existence.
But Gaara had said it so easily, like the words felt natural on his lips. He was staring at Naruto with half lidded eyes, patient and quiet.
Naruto finally offered up a small smile, one that felt as nervous as he did. “Wow, you really just said that, huh?”
“No use in lying about it.” Gaara murmured with a lazy shrug. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, expression unreadable again. The moments where he was easy to read were fleeting but Naruto wouldn’t trade them for the world. “I don’t hate you. You are…incredibly annoying but I don’t hate you. I actually sort of like spending time with you. It’s like we’re-”
“Friends?” Naruto cut in, smiling a little despite the whirlwind of emotions this entire situation gave him. Gaara was right and Naruto knew that but saying it out loud made it the real deal, meant that they were changing. He kind of really hated change.
“Yeah, exactly.” Gaara turned his head towards him with a small frown on his lips. “Doesn’t that sound stupid? We started doing this so we could hate each other in peace.”
“Yeah, well…” Naruto didn’t exactly miss the swell of rage he’d feel every time he and Gaara saw each other. He never really liked being angry in the first place; anger was an ugly emotion to him and it made him do and say ugly things. He had just spent so long with that familiar rage simmering under his skin that he never considered there being anything else. But being able to share space with Gaara and laugh and relax and, hell, even make out and have sex felt way better than fighting with him ever did.
Naruto’s problem was that his anxiety made him hold tight to emotions when they lingered too long. With Gaara it had been rage. With Sasuke it had been desperation. Naruto didn’t want to linger on the past but always did. But he was older and had learned that time did, eventually, aid his healing process. It had worked with Sasuke and it was working with Gaara. If he gained a friend from it?
“You and I could both use another good friend.” Naruto felt a weight lift from his own shoulders as he said it, reaching out to gently wrap his fingers around Gaara’s wrist.
Gaara’s confused expression relaxed, morphing into something calm as he nodded a little bit. “Maybe you’re right.” He admitted. “Having friends is nice.”
Naruto was inclined to agree.
After a few more minutes of silence, the comfortable kind where Naruto was content to just bask in the moment, Gaara finally fixed his clothes back up the way they had been before Naruto had been pawing at him. Naruto had turned on another movie and sat up, leaning back against his headboard as he yawned a little bit. “Are you heading home soon?”
“Yeah,” Gaara dug through the pockets of his sweats, pulling out his phone. It blinked to life and he frowned slightly, tapping it a few times before his shoulders seemed to slump a little. “Temari worked out a day and time for dinner at my father’s.”
Damn. Naruto had worked so hard to get Gaara to relax, too. “When?”
“Next Saturday.” Gaara sighed, shoving the phone back into his pocket. “Dad wants us there around four.”
Naruto nodded a little bit, reaching for his own phone to make sure he put that down in his calendar so he wouldn’t forget. “Sounds like a plan, then.” He tossed the phone aside and looked back at Gaara, taking in the slumped shoulders and small frown. “Don’t go making that face; I’ll jerk you off again right now.”
Aha! That did the trick; Gaara’s face turned bright red and he rolled his eyes, shoving Naruto a little bit with a scoff. “My penis is off limits for the rest of the night, actually.”
“Wow.” Naruto shook his head slowly, letting out a loud and dramatic sigh. “The very fact that you’d ban me from making you feel good is such a betrayal, Gaara. After the moans I made you make-”
“I’m leaving.” Gaara crawled over Naruto to get off the bed, making sure his knee jabbed the blonde none too gently in the stomach on the way.
Naruto wheezed a bit and gave Gaara a shove, sending him stumbling off the bed, and he couldn’t help but snicker softly. “Okay, okay! I’ll stop talking about your dick. Though, you seemed to really like it when I was talking about it earlier.”
“Naruto,” Gaara stood by the edge of the bed, a hand on his hip as he glared down at him. “I’m very tired but if you keep testing me, I’ll rip your soul out of your dick and see how you like it.”
How Gaara said it without turning bright red, Naruto would never know. But he laughed loudly at that, making Gaara scowl softly. “Sorry, sorry…Gaara, that is not the threat you think it is.”
“God, you’re terrible.” Gaara rolled his eyes and kicked at the bed, huffing. “Walk me to the front door, jerk. If I run into your parents alone I won’t stand a chance.”
“With the giant hickies on your neck? You got that right.” Naruto got up, fighting down a smirk at Gaara’s scandalized face as he slapped a hand over his neck. Naruto slung his arm around Gaara’s shoulders. “Hey, don’t look so mortified. I asked permission and you said yes. And my parents still aren’t home yet.”
“I can be embarrassed about things I consented to, you know.” Gaara allowed Naruto to lead him out of the room. He didn’t shrug off Naruto’s arm which was a good sign; their acceptance of casual affection had sort of surprised Naruto with how easily it came but he liked it. He liked to be affectionate in general and he felt sort of flattered that Gaara was okay with it.
When they reached the front door Gaara slipped out of Naruto’s grasp with a sigh, turning to face him with a look that Naruto was starting to know quite well; Gaara’s sheepish expression, like he was trying and failing miserably to not be embarrassed about…well, everything. “Thank you for…earlier.”
Naruto would have smirked if Gaara hadn’t sounded so sincere. He opened up the front door and followed Gaara out onto the porch, shivering a bit in the night air. He smiled a little when he met Gaara’s eye and shrugged, trying desperately to hide how giddy he felt at being able to help. At being useful. “Any time, man. I’m just glad you’re a little more relaxed.”
“Me, too.” Gaara murmured as he shoved his hands into his pockets, glancing down at his feet. “I’m a little less anxious about being at home. I’ll probably be able to rest now.”
Gaara had been so worked up over whatever strange tension he believed existed in his home between his siblings and himself. Naruto doubted there was any tension from Kankuro or Temari’s end, that any tension that did exist was there because Gaara had willed it to be, but he couldn’t blame him. Sometimes shitty things happened and tension formed. It wasn’t Gaara’s fault he was so worked up. It wasn’t Temari and Kankuro’s fault that there was nothing to ease Gaara’s anxiety until they finally saw their dad and got it over with.
“You deserve some rest.” Naruto told him seriously, a soft frown on his lips. He took a step closer and reached out to lift Gaara’s chin with a slow, delicate hand. It was a risky move considering Gaara as a whole but when their eyes met again there was no anger, no shock. There was just a look that made Naruto’s breath catch for a second; trust. It was the same sort of look Gaara shared with Sasuke all the time. Full of trust, devoid of any attempts to hide how he really felt. A look for a friend who really knew him.
Naruto swallowed, his throat feeling tight all of a sudden. “If you need anything you can call me. Okay? I mean it. A drive at two in the morning. A…a phone call when you can’t sleep or even a quickie to distract your brain. Whatever you need just…let me help you. Alright?” Naruto hadn’t meant for so much emotion to seep into his voice. He didn’t mean to sound so serious, to still be gripping Gaara’s chin gently.
Gaara reached up to move Naruto’s hand away from his face but the gentle squeeze of his hand over Naruto’s did not go unnoticed. He glanced aside with a scoff, though his lips tugged into the smallest of smiles. “It would make you feel better if I did, I’m guessing.”
Naruto didn’t respond. He couldn’t deny it and he wouldn’t; Gaara knew him well enough to know that he wanted to help even if it drove him crazy. Gaara needed the help, as much as he hated to admit it. Naruto needed to be able to help or he’d lose his mind and he couldn’t do that, not when Gaara’s own anxiety was so fragile right now.
“I’ll come to you. For help, I mean.” Gaara had turned to go, offering a lazy wave of his hand as he stepped off the porch. “Goodnight, Naruto.”
Naruto was glad Gaara didn’t press him about it. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to handle a deep conversation after everything that had happened, after how long he’d spent worried sick about Gaara. He had helped today. He had finally made the tension in Gaara’s shoulders vanish, giving himself a really fucking hot mental image to go with it, and that was enough for now. Gaara was letting him help and that was a big step for them entirely.
They were becoming friends, after all. Step by step, they were becoming friends.
Monday, December 11th, 6:15 p.m.
A late evening shopping trip with his father wasn’t exactly what Naruto wanted to do after a long, and honestly exhausting, day at the school but he would have felt a little bad turning down his dad’s offer. He really just wanted to collapse in bed and not talk to anyone for the rest of the night, his brain feeling a little on fire with too many thoughts. Thoughts about work and how the day had gone. (Long. Exhausting. Kids throwing toys. A kid cutting another’s braid off.) Thoughts about what he should wear to meet Gaara’s dad. (Nothing fancy, Gaara had said. First date level, if anything). Thoughts about Rasa and how he would react to seeing Naruto walking in, hand in hand with his son. (If the old man started any shit, Naruto would kill him.). Thoughts about Gaara. (Some sexy and some not so sexy. The sexy ones lingered longer than they should have but he wasn’t going to complain about that).
It was not a great brain day for Naruto.
“Hm, I forgot to ask your mom if she needed more of her fruity little sparkling water drinks.” Minato mused, hands on his hips as he stood before the wall of carbonated and packaged drinks. They had been standing there for the last five minutes. Naruto was sort of losing his mind. Minato glanced over at him. “Do you remember if she was running low?”
“Honestly?” Naruto rubbed a hand over his face for a second before he shrugged. “No clue, Dad. I don’t drink the crap so I don’t really pay attention.”
Minato blinked at the response before scoffing softly. “Someone sounds a little cranky, hm?” He mused, gathering two of the packages of the fruity drinks Kushina drank and setting them in the cart. He looked back at Naruto with an eyebrow raised, his patient smile already making Naruto feel a little bad for being a tad snippy. “You alright, Naruto? You’ve been pretty quiet the whole time we’ve been here. You didn’t even stop to inspect the bakery section when we got here.”
That was true. Naruto loved the bakery section.
Naruto started pushing the cart when Minato started walking again. “Shit brain day, I guess.”
“Ah,” Minato mused softly. He and Kushina, despite not knowing how to help in the past, were always eager to help now and were always understanding. Always. “Do you want to talk about anything?”
There wasn’t enough time in the world for Naruto to talk about every little thing going on in his head. Though, there were some things his father didn’t need to know, like the memories of Gaara writhing and gasping in Naruto’s bed.
God, why couldn’t his brain just focus on that and only that?
“Gaara and his siblings are seeing their dad this weekend.” Naruto finally responded after battling with himself for a moment. “He asked me to go with him. You know, moral support.”
Minato hummed in acknowledgment, letting the information sit for a bit as he led them down the cereal aisle. He grabbed a couple of boxes and placed them in the cart. “The same father that…you know, wasn’t very kind to them?”
“They only have one dad.” Naruto muttered back before he could stop the sarcasm. “But yeah…I’m just stressed about it, I guess. More for their sake than my own. I could care less what their dad thinks of me but if he starts anything with Gaara or his brother and sister…I don’t know, Dad.”
Just saying that much and having someone to say it to made him feel a little bit better. Sometimes it helped to let even a little bit of the noise from his brain out, even if it was scarce.
Minato walked over to him and offered him a small smile, taking the cart and pushing it so Naruto could walk beside him. “That definitely sounds stressful. I’m sorry, kiddo. It’s really nice of you to go with Gaara, though; I’m sure he appreciates it. His siblings are dating Kiba and Shikamaru, right? Are they going as well?”
“Yeah, they are.” Naruto replied softly. “I went out to eat with them the other day so we could talk about what to expect. They don’t think Rasa will really do anything but he has a way of stressing those three out and…and it’s been hard enough to keep Gaara from losing his mind the last week or so as it is.”
It was sort of weird to talk about this with his dad, his embarrassing desire to be useful. He had talked to both of his parents about it way back when he and Sasuke had split and, bless their hearts, his parents had always kept it in the back of their mind. It made venting about things a little easier, though venting to a parent always sort of felt strange in his own mind. But his mom and dad cared deeply for his mental health and never wanted to see him fall as low as he had when he and Sasuke fell apart.
They turned the cart down another aisle, Minato pausing to examine the shelves of bread. “It sounds like he’ll be stressed out no matter what you do, son.” He glanced over at him, his smile sincere and soft. “Just sounds like the kind of situation anyone would be stressed about. All you can do is be there for him and make sure you aren’t over extending yourself trying to take care of him. He’s your boyfriend, after all; he’d probably feel terrible if you worried yourself sick over him. And I know how you are, Naruto.” Minato’s hand came out to gently squeeze his shoulder. “Give yourself some grace and remember that your health is important, too.”
Naruto kind of felt better. Not a lot, of course, but a little better now that his dad had said all of that. It was a nice reminder to care for himself when all he wanted to do was care about other people instead. His habit of caring more for others than himself had always been a pretty big part of his personality but it had become a problem when he and Sasuke had started to have their issues. Obviously, his own mental health was important but when it came to other people and their own mental health…Naruto just needed to help. Especially people he cared about.
People like Gaara.
“I know, Dad.” Naruto nodded and smiled softly. “I’m doing my best. Trust me…Gaara won’t let me worry about him as much as I want to.”
Minato grinned softly and it was so bizarre to see his parents be so fond of Gaara lately. “Sweet boy, that one. I’m glad he’s looking out for you, too.”
Gaara, now that the two of them were friendly and comfortable, was also pretty good at reading Naruto. Naruto hated it but it was to be expected; he wore most of his emotions on his sleeve and Gaara was far more observant than Naruto had originally given him credit for. He didn’t want to be a burden and he didn’t want to be seen as weak. Those facts, combined with the fact that he and Naruto were friends now, meant he was always trying to make sure he knew how Naruto felt.
It was sweet and absolutely terrifying to some degree. But the sweetness of it outweighed the terror of being perceived.
Naruto gave his dad a teasing shove. “Come on; we haven’t even looked at the ice cream yet. I’m out at home.” He chuckled a little bit, following as Minato started walking again. “Before you start getting all sentimental on me.”
His brain was still loud as hell but he had gotten the biggest worry out and that was what mattered. If meeting Rasa was an absolute disaster then at least Naruto had his parents to vent to about it. Shikamaru and Kiba too, actually, which made it a little easier. But he was going to try to be as optimistic as possible.
Saturday, December 16th 4:15 p.m.
Naruto had driven himself to Rasa’s house. Gaara, of course, had hitched a ride with his siblings which was to be expected, with Shikamaru in tow with them. Kiba had driven himself as well, coming straight from a visit to his sister’s place. Them all having their own cars was a good idea, in hindsight; if someone had to leave early, there were plenty of cars to pick from.
Naruto had been at a loss for what to wear and had held Gaara hostage on a video call the afternoon before, cycling through all of his nice clothes and getting Gaara’s opinion. Naruto didn’t care how Rasa felt about him personally but he wanted to help Gaara prove that Rasa was missing out on his kids’ lives and they were ten times happier because of it. And that, of course, meant he needed to look like he knew how to dress himself. It had taken over an hour but they had settled on a simple pale of light colored jeans and a crisp white button up shirt.
Naruto hated button ups usually; they felt too formal. But he looked good in them and Gaara had even said so over the video call, something that made Naruto smirk softly and utter a lewd comment that resulted in Gaara abruptly ending the video call. Valid, sure. Naruto deserved that one.
The weather looked a little sour, dark rain clouds rolling in and making Naruto pray that the rain would start after they left. He was sure it wouldn’t wait but he hoped, at the very least.
Kiba and Shikamaru were dressed similarly; nice jeans with crisp new button up shirts. Kankuro and Gaara were dressed the same which was kind of weird to see, at least when it came to Gaara. Naruto was used to seeing Gaara in his sweats or even dark, baggier jeans, and he certainly had never seen Gaara in a button up shirt. He had picked a black button up, though, and it actually looked nice on him. He hadn’t really thought that Gaara would dress nice, if he were to be honest, and he wouldn’t have been surprised.
Temari was a sight to behold in a peach colored knee high dress, a pair of black heels on her feet and her hair down, reaching past her shoulders. Naruto had actually never seen her in a dress nor had he seen her hair down before; she looked like an entirely different person but she looked…really pretty. Nervous for sure, if the way she was pressing closer to Shikamaru than usual said anything, but still really pretty.
When Gaara spotted Naruto he veered towards him, looking him up and down for a moment before offering a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You look nice.”
“You too.” Naruto pulled lightly at Gaara’s shirt, smirking softly. “You clean up nice. I half expected you to show up in sweats just to spite him.”
“Temari wouldn’t have let me even if I wanted to.” Gaara chuckled lightly before reaching out to take Naruto’s hand. That was how Naruto knew Gaara was more stressed than he let on; there was no hesitation when he reached for Naruto’s hand, seeking out the comfort without a second thought.
Naruto gave his hand a squeeze, making Gaara glance at him as they walked back to the others. “If you want to leave at any point just let me know, okay?” It was poor manners to bail during an event like this. Naruto knew that and Gaara, having grown up the way he did, most likely knew that as well. But he wasn’t going to let Gaara sit there and suffer longer than he had to.
“I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he made me storm off.” Gaara grumbled. He squeezed Naruto’s hand back, though, and let out a sigh. “Thank you for coming. You didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to.” Naruto assured him softly before he let his grin widen as they reached the rest of their group. “Hey, guys! Temari, you look gorgeous!” He gushed, aiming his grin towards her.
Temari blinked in surprise before she laughed a little bit, a rare blush creeping onto her face. “Thanks, Naruto. You look pretty nice, too. Good to see all of you boys know how to clean up.”
“I actually had to buy this shirt yesterday.” Kiba huffed, scowling down at his crimson red button up. “All my good clothes are eternally covered in dog hair.”
“I believe it.” Shikamaru grimaced at the thought before he looked at Naruto. “You, on the other hand, have a ton of nice clothes you never wear.”
“I work with children!” Naruto scoffed loudly. “You can’t dress nicely when they’re always throwing paint around and messing around in the dirt.”
“Gross.” Kankuro blanched a bit. “You have way more strength than me, dude. A kid comes up to me with dirty, sticky hands and I die inside.”
“Weak.” Kiba rolled his eyes as he looped his arm with Kankuro’s. “Try working with animals. It’s absolutely disgusting.”
“We can compare jobs some other time, you guys.” Shikamaru gestured for them all to walk, leading the way with Temari’s hand in his own. “Focus on the task at hand.”
It was hard to tell if you didn’t know him, but Shikamaru was stressed, too. It said a lot about how much he cared for not just Temari, but the boys as well. They were a family and Shikamaru was defensive of his family no matter what the situation was. He was standing up straighter now, walking with a purpose, keeping Temari as close to him as he could while making sure Kankuro and Gaara stayed behind him. The depth of his love for Temari and her brothers had always been obvious but right now it was so obvious that it made Naruto feel a little choked up in the moment. It also made him feel bad suddenly for being welcomed into this little family because of a lie. He normally didn’t feel too bad about that most days; it was Gaara’s job to over stress about their on-going prank.
They had all parked at the end of Rasa’s far too long driveway and the walk to the front door, while short, felt like an eternity with how silent they had all become. Gaara’s hand tightened around Naruto’s as Shikamaru rang the doorbell and Naruto leaned closer, pressing a kiss to Gaara’s temple. “Just breathe, okay?”
Easier said than done, he knew. To his credit, however, Gaara did take a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding. “I said it already but thank you for coming, Naruto.”
Naruto wanted to tell him that there was no need to say thanks. He wanted to tell him that he would have begged Gaara to let him come if he hadn’t asked, would have fought tooth and nail to make sure he was able to be right here beside him. He wouldn’t have been able to function properly if he was just at home, watching his phone for a text or a call to make sure nothing had happened.
He didn’t have the time to say anything in response as the front door opened and a woman smiled brightly at them. This woman was beautiful, with green eyes and long auburn hair that fell down past her waist. She wore a blue loose flowing dress and when her eyes landed on all of them, her smile widened considerably. She was pretty alright and honestly looked like she was a family member already. But Naruto recalled his conversation with Kiba and Shikamaru and already knew what name to assign to this pretty face; Mei.
“Hi, everyone. Come in.” Mei ushered them all inside, closing the door behind them. Naruto had refrained from commenting on the house when they approached it earlier; it was pretty big, three stories with a fancy entry way that opened up and branched into two directions. On the right it looked like a hall that led to the living room and on the left Naruto could see the entry way for a dining room which was most likely the way to get to the kitchen. In front of them was a staircase that led to the second floor and, if you walked past that, a hall with a guest bathroom and bookshelves lining the wall. It was definitely bigger than he had pictured.
Naruto always sort of hated big houses. He was an only child, after all, and never needed that much room to himself. He figured that if a family had enough people in it, a big house wouldn’t feel so suffocating and lonely. He already knew, though, from what Gaara had told him that the three siblings had felt just as alone and suffocated in this big house as a singular person would and it took away from the charm almost instantly.
“It’s so great to see you guys.” Mei’s smile was warm, almost motherly. Naruto watched as she hugged Temari and Kankuro and it seemed….easy for all of them. Temari and Kankuro both looked pretty comfortable with her, all things considered. He was even more surprised when Gaara hugged Mei as well, offering her a smile that seemed mostly genuine. Mostly. It was more familiar than Naruto had expected, at the very least.
Mei was quick to hug Kiba and Shikamaru as well, both of them smiling politely, and then the woman was turning to Naruto with a curious smile. “And you must be Gaara's boyfriend?”
“Yeah. Naruto Uzumaki,” he awkwardly stuck a hand out for a handshake. “Nice to meet you, ma'am.”
Her handshake was firmer than he had anticipated but her smile stayed warm and welcoming. “It’s nice to meet you, too. I was so excited when Rasa mentioned Gaara might be bringing his boyfriend over; he’s never introduced us to any romantic partners.”
“There were none to introduce until now.” Gaara told her with a sideways smile. Okay…so his relationship with her didn’t seem nearly as awkward as Naruto was afraid it would be. As complicated as their dynamic must have been, Gaara didn’t seem the type to punish his dad’s girlfriend for his wrong doings. Well, not too much, at least. He wouldn’t make final judgments just yet.
“I know,” Mei looked over at Gaara, chuckling softly. “But it’s happened now. I’m so glad.” She looked at the rest of their little group, gesturing in the direction of the dining room. “Your father is finishing up the food in the kitchen. I just finished setting the table. We can all sit down and chat? I’ll get everyone drinks. What do you all want? We have water, lemonade, diet soda, and iced tea.”
“Lemonade for Temari and I,” Shikamaru replied, looping an arm around Temari’s waist as he veered her towards the dining room, following Mei.
“Iced tea for me, lemonade for Kiba.” Kankuro added lightly, tugging Kiba along by the hand.
Gaara spoke up before Naruto even had the chance to answer. “Water for me. Iced tea for Naruto.”
Naruto raised an eyebrow in mild surprise, glancing over at the red head with a small smile. “Lucky guess.”
“You don’t like sour things and Mei’s lemonade can be quite…sour.” Gaara murmured casually as they followed the rest of their group. “I’m the one that likes sour things, not you.”
It hadn’t been a lucky guess, then. Gaara just knew what he had picked without thinking too hard about it. It made Naruto’s cheeks warm a little and he fought down a smile as they came to the dining room, everyone taking their seat at the long table. Gaara and Naruto sat on the same side of the table as Kiba and Kankuro, leaving the four of them across from Temari and Shikamaru. There were two more chairs, one at each end of the table that felt a little too impartial to Naruto, if he were honest. He never liked the idea of someone sitting at the head of the table like they were somehow of higher status, better than the rest.
Mei moved through another doorway that most likely led to the kitchen and everyone seemed to relax a little in their seats. Naruto looked across the table at Temari. “She seems nice.”
“She is.” Temari replied with a slight smile, glancing towards the kitchen. “Too nice sometimes.”
“She’s fine until we criticize our dad,” Kankuro murmured, his voice soft. “But she mostly tries to just place nice with both sides which can be a bit of a messy stance, as I’m sure you can assume.”
Naruto could definitely assume as much.
“I can’t wait to see the look on your dad’s face when he notices Naruto sitting here.” Kiba had to bite his lip to keep from snickering. “That’s going to be golden, man.”
“I hate to say it but I can’t wait, either.” Temari breathed with a quiet laugh, winking at Naruto. “You’re really going to surprise him.”
“If he recognizes me.” Naruto scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. “There’s a chance he won’t even remember who I am.”
“He’ll recognize you.” Gaara muttered softly. When Naruto looked at him there was the smallest of smiles on his lips, though it seemed a little dry and amused. An ironic smile, perhaps. “He couldn’t stand seeing you and I in the office together as much as he did. He’ll know who you are. Temari is right; you’re going to really surprise him.”
There was a certain level of pride that swelled inside of Naruto’s belly at the thought. He’d take any chance he could to make Rasa squirm now that he knew the truth about the man and knew how he had treated his children. It helped to know that he was helping Gaara prove a point too, that Gaara was showing Rasa that he was, in fact, a well adjusted adult who had a life that only got better with a father out of the picture.
Yeah, Naruto hoped Rasa was uncomfortable.
“Okay! Drinks have arrived.” Mei shuffled back into the dining room, breaking them all from their amused day dreams. She passed everyone their drinks, having to leave and come back with half of them because she only had two arms and wouldn’t accept help, not from her guests. When everyone had their glasses in hand, Mei took her seat at one of the ends of the table, that warm smile back on her lips as she propped her chin in her hand. “Your father should be out soon. He was really happy you all agreed to come. We both were.”
“What’s he making?” Kankuro took a small sip of his drink before carefully putting the glass back down. “It smells really good.”
“He’s making these wonderful pork kebabs that pair amazingly with a pesto dressing.” She gushed, her smile widening. “There’s also a sweet potato curry noodle soup as a side.”
“Fancy.” Temari murmured, eyebrows raised. “Didn’t think he was that skilled in the kitchen.” There was a weird look on her face, something that looked less amused and almost…annoyed. But Temari covered it up well, as to be expected.
“Well, we’ve been taking this couples cooking class,” Mei murmured, glancing towards the kitchen doorway before continuing. “It’s a tad boring to me, honestly, but your father really loves it. I love seeing him passionate about things other than work.”
Naruto would have missed the grimace that passed Gaara’s face for a brief moment if he hadn’t glanced his way to gauge his reaction.
“Are you talking about me here?” Rasa emerged from the kitchen and Naruto felt the air in the room shift. It would have been impossible to miss it.
The last time Naruto had seen Rasa, Naruto was sixteen and staring Gaara down across the principal’s office with blood trickling from his nose, watching Gaara press ice to a swollen eye. Rasa had looked at Naruto with a silent sort of rage that had actually scared him, but his own parents had been present to save him from having to face the man alone. Back then, Rasa was an imposing figure. He was tall and had a silent glare that chilled him to the bone. He didn’t look much different now…though, the warm smile on his lips was definitely different. Naruto had never seen the man smile back then. He wasn’t nearly as intimidating now as he had been back then. Naruto was sure it was because he knew the awful truth about the man now and knowing something like that took away from the fear factor. The fear was replaced by a vague disgust, one Naruto rarely felt for anyone.
“I was.” Mei grinned towards the man. “I was telling the kids about the cooking classes.” She told him as she lifted her glass to her lips.
“Oh, yeah?” The man chuckled a bit. “Only the part where I can actually make the food now, I hope. Nothing about the accidental stove fires?”
“Only good things.” Mei assured, nodding.
“Good.” The man’s eyes turned to take in the faces of his children, skimming past Naruto, Kiba, and Shikamaru like they weren’t even there. That was fine. He hadn’t seen his children in several years, from what Naruto understood. Of course he would seek them out first. “Hey, kids. I’m glad you made it.”
In unison, all three siblings stood from their chairs. Rasa was closest to Temari so he hugged her first. Temari hugged him back with both arms around him, though there was a stiffness to her body that was very telling, like she didn’t exactly want to hug him but didn’t want to refuse him to his face. Rasa stepped back after the hug, looking her over and grinning softly. “You look very pretty, dear.”
“Thanks,” Temari murmured, gesturing to Shikamaru who had slowly stood up to stand beside her. “You remember Shikamaru, of course.”
“Of course,” Rasa shook Shikamaru’s hand, still smiling. “Good to see you again, Shikamaru. You look well.”
“Your daughter gives me no choice but to be,” Shikamaru replied with a shrug. “Good to see you, too.”
Shikamaru held himself well. He didn’t like Rasa one bit but he was good at pretending, at faking a smile in a way that still looked genuine. He had more practice with Rasa, of course, just like Kiba did. Naruto would follow their example and hopefully everything would be fine. He didn’t care if Rasa liked him but he did care about at least trying to be civil, for the sake of the siblings at the very least.
Rasa moved to the other side of the table to embrace Kankuro, patting him on the back. There was a certain stiffness to Kankuro, too, when he gave a one armed hug back. The resemblance between the two, though, was actually a little startling. Naruto had never seen them in the same room before; he never realized how much Kankuro looked like their father. He looked the most like Rasa out of all of them which surprised Naruto.
“Good to see you, son.” Rasa grinned softly, patting Kankuro’s arm once before peering at Kiba. “And Kiba, hey! You look great.” He said as he shook Kiba’s outstretched hand.
“Yeah, I've been going to the gym a lot more.” Kiba shrugged his shoulders. “Nice to know it’s apparently paying off.”
“You look really great.” Rasa assured, looking him over with an approving nod. “Still working at the vet clinic?”
“Naturally.” Kiba replied, slipping back into his seat. Kiba, too, was good at this. He talked to Rasa like it was natural, like he’d always done it. Then again, Kiba was always really good at being able to start conversations with anyone he wanted. It wasn’t too surprising that he did this like it was as easy as breathing.
It all would have felt so casual if Naruto didn’t know, if he hadn’t seen first hand the way the man’s presence made everyone in the room feel. It almost didn’t seem fair that the guy could smile so casually at his kids, that he could hug them like he couldn’t feel the stiffness in their bodies or see the strained smiles.
Rasa was looking at Gaara now, though, and Naruto suddenly felt more alert than ever. The tension in the room had grown thicker and Naruto could feel the eyes of Kankuro and Temari watching closely. It made him nervous. He stood up to stand beside Gaara, wiping his now slightly sweaty hands on his pants.
Rasa stepped forward and Gaara extended his hand. A handshake. Gaara would not hug him and honestly, Naruto was pretty sure that a handshake was already pushing his limits. He was actually surprised Gaara was doing that much. He was sort of surprised Temari and Kankuro had hugged their father, too, but they had a slightly more complicated relationship with him than Gaara. Gaara not wanting to touch the man made perfect sense.
Rasa shook his son’s hand and smiled, though this time his warm smile seemed a bit strained. His relationship with Gaara had been the worst; maybe he was just as uncomfortable as Gaara was. Maybe he was still holding out hope that the past would be swept under the rug, that Gaara would go along with his little attempt at looking like a normal, well adjusted family.
“Hey, kiddo.” Rasa looked Gaara up and down too, just like the others. His smile relaxed a bit. “Look at you. You look really good. I’m glad you came.” His tone sounded sincere enough, like he genuinely never expected Gaara to come.
Gaara nodded once before turning, gesturing towards Naruto. “You remember Naruto Uzumaki from my high school, don’t you?”
Now Rasa’s eyes were on Naruto, finally, and Naruto refused to let any sort of anxiety take hold. He wasn’t anxious anyways, not for himself at least. He met Rasa’s eye, watching the man’s eyes widen in recognition and then surprise. “Naruto Uzumaki? The same short kid that was always getting sent to the principal’s office with you?” He asked in surprise, looking Naruto up and down a few times like he couldn’t believe his eyes.
“That’s me,” Naruto beamed proudly, shoving his hand forward for the man to shake it. “Though I’m definitely a lot taller than I was back then.”
“Definitely,” Rasa shook his hand and offered him a small smile. “Wow, it’s great to see you again. When Temari mentioned Gaara had a boyfriend I didn’t think it would be…well, you know. Given your past and everything, I mean.”
“We were surprised, too.” Kankuro offered lightly, sitting down again and sipping from his glass. “Like, really surprised.”
Naruto shrugged his shoulders. “We surprised ourselves, if it helps.”
“Well, I’m glad you could join us, Naruto.” Rasa assured with a smile before he looked towards Mei. “The food is about done. Care to help me make the plates, dear?” He asked her with a small gesture towards the kitchen.
“Of course.” Mei was on her feet a moment later, looping her arm with the man’s as he led her to the kitchen.
Naruto and Gaara sat back in their seats, Naruto’s hand instantly finding Gaara’s under the table and squeezing gently. Gaara glanced at him, the small scowl on his face softening for a moment as he squeezed his hand back. “Did you see his face?”
“Oh, of course I saw his face.” Naruto snickered softly, peering around Gaara to look at Kankuro. “Almost like he saw a ghost or something, right?”
“Exactly!” Kankuro nodded along, glancing towards the kitchen before he met Naruto’s gaze again, speaking in a softer voice. “To be honest, he’s probably surprised Gaara’s dating anyone at all. That might be the biggest part of it.”
Gaara made an annoyed noise, crossing his arms. “He thinks I’m that intolerable.”
“Intolerable might not be the exact word,” Temari offered lightly, biting her lip. “But you’ve always been weird with people, Gaara. Kankuro and I thought you were going to be single forever before Naruto came along.”
Gaara didn’t look annoyed anymore. He actually looked amused, a soft smile on his lips as he shrugged his shoulders. “I probably would have been.” He admitted. “I’m not the fondest of people.”
“Except for me,” Naruto beamed a little bit, a little prideful because while they were mostly playing a part to fool everyone, there was some truth to it. Gaara did tolerate him. Gaara liked him, liked being around him. He had said as much out loud to Naruto’s face.
Gaara, to his surprise, chuckled softly. It was a type of chuckle that Naruto was starting to recognize, a soft and boyish sound that he had only heard Gaara make around him. The sound made Naruto feel a little warm inside. “Except you, yeah.”
Rasa and Mei returned after another minute or so, passing out plates of food and topping off everyone’s drinks. It all felt so normal that Naruto almost felt bad for being on edge. Almost. If he didn’t know the truth then he wouldn’t have thought twice about any of it but he could see the tension not just in Gaara and his siblings, but in Rasa, too. His smiles seemed a bit too tight, like he was thinking too hard about each one. The tension was particularly thick when Rasa looked at Gaara, like he wasn’t sure how to act around him.
Well, good. The fucker deserved to be uncomfortable.
The conversation at the table started casually. Rasa first asked Shikamaru and Kiba about work and their families, listening to every word they said and making decent, casual remarks. Mei chimed in with her own comments and questions here and there, too. It was sort of nice that Shikamaru and Kiba had met the man before. They took up a lot of his attention and when he grew bored of them he looked at Temari or Kankuro, gently easing out whatever answers from them they would allow. Naruto noticed that Kankuro and Temari were careful about what information they gave him and Rasa seemed fully aware of that. He also seemed fully aware that prying too much would get him nowhere so he didn’t try. At least he knew how to play nice.
Then Rasa was looking at Naruto, a curious expression on his face. “What about you, Naruto? What sort of job do you have? Last time we met, you were a student.” He chuckled a little bit.
Naruto wondered what sort of job Rasa expected him to have. He wondered if Rasa thought that because of his behavior in highschool, Naruto wouldn’t be serious as an adult. That he wouldn’t be able to hold a job down. He was probably making unfair assumptions about the man, honestly, but it did make him wonder. A lot of adults from his youth who had never taken the time to know him had similar assumptions about him, after all.
“I’m a preschool teacher.” Naruto replied, grinning softly.
Rasa looked surprised and that made Naruto grin a little wider. “Wow, really? That’s wonderful.” The man smiled a little bit at him. “What made you get into that line of work, if I may ask?” Rasa tilted his head curiously, all of his attention on Naruto.
Naruto took a sip of his drink. “Well, I didn’t have a lot of very great teachers when I was really young. It took a while for a teacher to really…be there for me the way I needed. I have ADHD and it made school really hard for me and there were just a lot of teachers that treated me like I was an annoying problem kid and not a kid that just needed a little extra help.” Even thinking about it now, his heart ached a little for his younger self. “Being that young…it’s a really important time for kids and their development. So, I just really wanted to be that kind and helpful adult for them, someone that will do whatever they can to understand them so they don’t feel alone or like they’re different from everyone else.”
“That’s sweet,” Mei murmured softly. “I bet you’re a wonderful teacher for those kids, Naruto.” She gushed softly. “And that’s such an inspiring reason to do it, too. Goodness, Gaara, you picked such a sweet young man. I didn’t know you two knew each other from high school.” She shot Gaara a smile that looked playful enough. It was sort of like the playful smirk Naruto’s own mother gave him when they were both in on a joke together.
“They didn’t exactly get along,” Rasa added from his seat, laughing. Naruto didn’t like the idea of Rasa laughing about his and Gaara’s messy past like that, especially when Rasa played such a huge role in making Gaara act the way he did back then. “They were always getting into fights. I feel like I basically lived in that principal’s office for a while.”
“Until Temari started coming instead of you.” Kankuro cut in. His tone was casual but his intent was obvious; he was making sure Rasa didn’t say something out of line. High school was a touchy subject with Gaara, after all, and Kankuro didn’t have any problems inserting himself into a conversation.
Rasa seemed a tad taken back, smile faltering for just a moment before it returned. “Yeah, that’s true. She basically lived there as well, I’m sure.” He turned his gaze back to Naruto, reaching for his drink and taking a sip. “It's good to see that you two were able to put the past behind you and create a new and more meaningful relationship.”
Naruto smiled back at him and nodded, glancing at Gaara. “Yeah, I think we’re pretty happy about it, too.”
Rasa’s gaze shifted to Gaara. “Are you still working at that tattoo shop?” He asked him curiously. “The one your little friend works at?”
Gaara, who had been quietly eating his food this entire time, eyed his dad for a second before he spoke. “Yes. I’ve gained a lot of new clients in the last few years. It’s been good.”
“That’s good,” Rasa nodded slowly, eating some of his food while still eyeing Gaara thoughtfully. “Have you given any thought into a more…realistic career?” He spoke slowly, easing into the question cautiously.
Naruto had to fight the urge to groan. Dear God .
Gaara sighed quietly. “This is a real career, you know.” He pointed out bluntly. “I had to train for it. I get paid good money. I have a reputation with clients.”
“I just mean that in the long run it might not be the most stable thing around.” Rasa continued, sounding just like a parent that was concerned about the wrong thing. He gestured towards Kankuro at Gaara’s side. “Look at your brother. He’s still got that same job and while he may hate it, he sticks with it. It is a professional career, something to brag about that brings home decent money. Tattooing strangers won’t always be the most profitable occupation.”
“His job is just fine, dad.” Temari sounded like her own patience was already being tested, like she was trying so hard to ignore it. Like she didn’t want to call their dad out but he might not give her a choice. “It’s certainly a little more stable than mine right now.”
Rasa looked at her, frowning softly. “Well, I don’t have to worry about you. You have Shikamaru to support you just as a man should.”
Naruto grimaced a little. Not only was Rasa an abusive asshole but he was also narrow minded, as well. The type to probably believe a woman should stay home with the kids instead of going out into the world for work. Which was ironic considering he had met Mei through work in the first place.
Temari frowned a little. “I support myself just fine, actually.”
Rasa relented, backing off of her and looking back at Gaara. He actually had the nerve to look a little apologetic. “I just want you to be taken care of, Gaara, that’s all.”
Gaara scoffed. Loudly. “Really? That certainly sounds like news to me.” His voice had taken on an icy edge to it, a tone Naruto had heard plenty of times in highschool. It made his own stomach churn to hear it and he placed a hand on Gaara’s thigh under the table, squeezing gently.
Rasa glanced away, frowning down at his plate. “I don’t want to argue with you, Gaara. I don’t want to argue with any of you. I have news to share with you and I want it to be a happy thing. Exciting, even.”
“Exciting news,” Kankuro echoed slowly. “What is it?”
Maybe Rasa was moving away? Maybe he was packing up his entire life and finally going so far away that his children would never have to worry about seeing him ever again. That definitely felt like wishful thinking, now that he thought about it, and Naruto wasn’t so sure Rasa would frame him moving away as good news.
Naruto glanced at Shikamaru across the table and they shared a moment of tense eye contact. Even Shikamaru was stressed out, apparently, and Naruto looked away from him to take a peek at Gaara. Gaara, to his credit, had fallen silent and went back to eating his food to keep himself from saying anything else. He didn’t look too pleased, though, and Naruto could see the rigid tension in his shoulders.
Naruto’s hand that was still on Gaara’s thigh squeezed and rubbed it gently, and he was pleased to see a little bit of that tension leave. Gaara glanced at him and, after a second, managed a very small, very hesitant smile. That, at least, was a good sign.
“Well,” Rasa’s voice made them all look at him once more. He was smiling a bit, looking at Mei who was smiling back at him from across the table. “Mei and I are getting married. We would love it if the three of you came to the wedding. Of course, Kiba, Shikamaru, and Naruto are more than welcome to come, too.” Rasa looked away from Mei to look at each of his kids, that smile never once leaving his lips.
Oh.
Naruto looked back at Gaara, suddenly nervous. Gaara had stopped eating and was watching Rasa with a look that Naruto couldn’t even begin to understand. He seemed confused, yeah, but also like he was a little in shock. Kankuro was quiet, too, but it was Temari who cleared her throat, loudly, and spoke up with a small and almost unsure chuckle.
“That’s uh, that’s big news,” Temari murmured as she sipped her drink, carefully setting it down. “Can we have some time to think about it?”
Naruto wanted to know what was going through not just Temari’s head, but Gaara and Kankuro’s as well. A wedding announcement wasn’t what any of them had been anticipating and Naruto honestly had no idea how any of them were going to take it. He couldn’t even begin to try and understand how Gaara would feel about it. It wasn’t like Gaara was invested in his father’s life already. Naruto didn’t exactly think Gaara would want to go to the wedding. He didn’t think Temari and Kankuro would, either, but what if they did? Would Gaara go just because his siblings were going, just like today?
“What’s there to even think about?” Rasa chuckled back, frowning softly. “I’m your father. It’s my wedding. Family should be there.” The way he said it made it sound so easy, like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Temari was silly to miss it. “I want my children there.”
“I do, too.” Mei chimed in from her seat, nodding firmly. “It would be so lovely to have you kids there with us.” She sounded so sincere which was the worst part; she really did want to be a part of this family.
“Well, yeah but…I mean, come on.” Temari forced out a small chuckle again, fighting a frown; it ended up making her smile look fake and forced, painfully so. “That’s kind of a big thing to ask us, isn’t it?”
“It’s your father’s wedding.” Rasa’s frown deepened and Naruto didn’t miss the way all three siblings shifted in their seats. Rasa sat up a little straighter in his seat as he glanced at Kankuro and Gaara before looking back at Temari. “This is a big step for Mei and I. We want you kids to be there. We want to be a family.”
“Be a family?” Kankuro sneered, his tone filled with a venom that Naruto had never heard from him before. Rasa looked towards him and Kankuro sat up straighter in his seat, his expression filled with anger. “You want to talk about being a family? Seriously? Okay, sure, then why don’t you start with an apology? Apologize for what you did to us. Apologize for making Temari our second parent.”
Mei cleared her throat, drawing everyone’s attention again for a moment. Her cool demeanor had given way to something more hesitant in the face of the family conflict. “Kids, this-”
“Mei, I actually like you so I say this out of respect,” Kankuro held up a hand towards her, shaking his head. “Stay the hell out of this.” The warning that the words held was heavy enough that even Naruto felt a little chilled by it.
Mei, thankfully, didn’t need to be told twice and Naruto let out a small breath of relief. It was bad enough that Rasa and Kankuro were getting into it; he would have felt awful if Mei was drug into it, too. She seemed nice enough and Naruto really didn’t want to see her defend Rasa right now. Or ever, really.
Rasa shot Kankuro a small scowl and this time, from the corner of his eye, Naruto saw Gaara stiffen a little. “Be nice to Mei. Besides, Temari is your older sister. It’s her duty to take care of you.”
“My duty ?” Naruto had never heard Temari sound so offended. She set her spoon down with a loud clatter and stared at her father like he’d grown a second head. “Are you kidding me? Was it my duty to clean the house, wake my brothers up for school, walk them to school, come back home and make sure dinner was on the table when you came home, help my brothers with homework before I could even think to start mine, and then do it all over again the next day? When I was nine years old?”
Naruto, in that moment, sort of wished he could sink into a hole in the ground. Temari’s rage felt too alien to him to witness and he knew it was an intimate rage, one she kept close to her heart. She kept a lot of herself close, kept a lot of her feelings in check because she had spent so long raising her brothers and teaching herself to not upset them, too. Even Shikamaru, silent and staring down at his plate, seemed to want to be swallowed whole as well. Naruto knew he must have wanted to reach out and hold her, talk her down from the edge of whatever emotional mess was about to come forth. He was sure that Kiba was feeling the same way. He knew this because that was how he felt about Gaara.
Gaara was staring at his sister with a blank expression but, beneath the table, Naruto saw his hands clenched into fists in his lap. Whatever he was feeling right now, Naruto knew that it wasn’t good. It was nasty and old and it was trying to break free.
“Or when I was sixteen and I worked three fucking jobs because I needed a car to drive them to school or they needed school supplies you didn’t care to get?” Temari hissed, louder this time. “I worked seven days a week. I didn’t have a single day off! I worked after school every weekday, after making sure I got up early so dinner would be ready or at least made enough for Kankuro to finish it before you got home. On the weekends I worked all morning well into the afternoon, came home to nap and do my homework and make dinner for everyone just to go to a different job and work all damn night and do it all over again! Every day!”
There was so much emotion in her voice, so much anger. Naruto had honestly never thought he’d hear what she sounded like when she was angry but this was a deep anger, one that had been living in her heart for years. She and Gaara really were so alike. Their pain was the same; it was something they kept close to their hearts because if it got out it would hurt everyone around them.
“Was that my duty, Dad?” She asked him. “To work myself to the bone because you wouldn’t just take care of your kids, so I did it? Was it my duty to worry about what everyone was going to eat every day because you left me in charge of groceries and cooking? Was it my duty to cry over every mess in the house because I knew you’d blow up if you came home to a mess? Or was it my duty to stand there and try not to cry when you did blow up at us, when you dragged me through the house by my hair? Was it my duty to sit there and let you bruise and beat my little brothers? Huh? Was it my duty to raise your fucking kids when I never asked to do that in the first place? When I never wanted to do any of it?”
Naruto winced as Temari’s words grew louder, her voice dripping with the rage of a child that had held it all inside for far too much.
Rasa’s eyes widened a bit before he glanced away, frowning softly at the table. “You…you were an independent girl, Temari. I thought you liked it that way.” His tone didn’t match his words; he didn’t actually believe what he was saying.
“ Liked it? ” Temari whispered, her voice sounding a little thick. “I hated it. I was miserable. You knew I was miserable so stop acting like you didn’t. You laughed at me when I was struggling and you never helped. The old woman next door took me to get my drivers license because you refused to. She let me practice in her car because you wouldn’t help me do a single thing to try and get my life together. You knew for a fact that I was miserable and that’s why you didn’t say shit when I moved out the day I was old enough. You only fought with me when Kankuro went with me because you knew Gaara wasn’t going to try and appease you like we did.”
Rasa’s head shot up, eyes narrowing a little. “That’s not true. I wanted all of my children together. Kankuro was…he was just-”
“I was supposed to be Temari’s stand in.” Kankuro cut in darkly, arms crossed as he leaned back in his chair. “You really thought that when Temari moved out, I was going to roll over and let you walk all over Gaara and I. But I didn’t. I fed Gaara and myself. I cleaned up after Gaara and myself. I kept an eye on Gaara in school and made sure he was taken care of. I did all of that because you couldn’t seem to go a single day without laying a hand on him.”
“Gaara was a difficult child.” Rasa hissed through his teeth, though there was no anger in his face. He looked…a little desperate, actually, like he knew he was full of shit and that he couldn’t talk himself out of the situation.
“Difficult?” Gaara’s voice cut in, dragging everyone’s eyes to him. His shoulders were shaking and Naruto wanted to pull him away, wanted to wrap his arms around him and shelter him from the world. But he couldn’t do that and even if he could, he wasn’t sure if he should. He couldn’t see Gaara’s expression from here but he could hear his voice and could hear the slight tremble that gave away how angry he was. “I wasn’t difficult.”
Rasa sighed and brought a hand up to rake his fingers through his hair, agitated. “You were always getting in trouble in school and always talking back to me…you were difficult!” It sort of made Naruto sick to hear any sort of justification for the man’s actions as if there was ever a good reason to lay a hand on a child.
“I was a child!” Gaara yelled, making Naruto jump a little in his seat. “I was your child and you were supposed to take care of me but all you did was treat me like I was some pest that invaded your home. At least they got a few good years with you!” His hand flew out to gesture vaguely towards his brother and then his sister. “But what did I get? Nothing but rage that I never deserved to be the target of! You made my life hell and made me terrified to live in my own home and then just threw me away!”
There it was, that rage that Naruto had associated with Gaara for so long. This time, however, it was laced with something else; the desperation of a child left behind by the one person they had trusted to take care of them. It actually hurt to hear and Naruto had to look down at his plate, clenching his fists in his lap so hard that he felt his nails threatening to break skin and draw blood. Despite how well he had come to know Gaara, it felt…wrong to be present for this. Gaara held his emotions and his trauma’s close to himself because it was just easier for him that way. He didn’t want pity and he didn’t want his trauma to taint the way people looked at him. The last thing he would ever want was for Naruto, or anyone else, to see him at his most desperate, most raw moment in front of Rasa.
“Gaara…” Rasa seemed to hesitate, perhaps unsure of what to say. He didn’t sound angry but he did sound upset, though he had no reason to be. Not right now. “I did my best-”
“You got rid of me the moment the chance presented itself to you.” Gaara hissed. “The second Temari handed you the paperwork you signed away your rights to me. Don’t sit here and pretend you ever tried to be a decent father to me because no one in this room believes you.”
Rasa shook his head. “Gaara, I just couldn’t do it anymore. After your mother died-”
“Mom died years before you started laying a hand on us.” Kankuro cut the man off, his voice surprisingly calm now, considering the situation. “Just…stop trying to make excuses. If you want to be the caring dad you’re obviously pretending to be, then just fucking apologize. That’s all we’re asking for. Acknowledge what you did instead of brushing over it and trying to act like it didn’t happen.” There was a long silence before Kankuro slammed a hand down on the table, making everyone jump. “Just acknowledge it, damn it!”
A simple acknowledgment. Taking responsibility for all the pain he had caused and the terror he had instilled in his children. It was something so simple and yet it seemed like it was the hardest thing in the world for Rasa to do.
Rasa looked away from him, sighing softly. “I just want us to all move past it, alright?”
“Unbelievable,” Gaara whispered, standing up so suddenly that his chair screeched against the dining room floor. He left without another word, walking so fast that Naruto didn’t even have a chance to reach out and grab him.
Temari started to stand up. “Gaara-”
“I got it.” Naruto was up in less than a second, giving Temari a small smile that he hoped would reassure her, before he rushed out after Gaara.
Gaara walked pretty damn fast when he was angry. He was already out the front door, pacing on the porch when Naruto caught up to him. It had started raining while they were in the house and it was coming down steadily, making Naruto grimace a bit before he looked back at Gaara.
For a second Naruto just watched him pace, unsure what to do or what to say. Sometimes it was better for people to just stew in their anger but with Gaara, that was the last thing Naruto wanted to happen. But Gaara’s anger was tricky and, in times like this, far too easy to set off. Naruto could only imagine the emotions swirling inside the other and didn't even want to think about how much worse the situation could have been if Rasa had kept running his mouth.
He was honestly still in shock by Rasa's attitude towards the entire situation. To be so dismissive of the harm he had caused and think his kids would just be okay with him sweeping it under the rug was just down right idiotic. It was so hard for Naruto to understand how a parent could be so cruel so easily. He didn’t understand how Rasa could hear the pained emotion in his kids’ voices and not crumble under the weight of it, how he could see the misery etched on their faces and not want to fall to the ground and beg for forgiveness.
Naruto hated him more than he had ever hated anyone in his entire life. He had never thought a parent could be so shitty and while this was the least of Rasa’s cruelty, the sheer audacity of the man made his blood boil red hot.
Finally, after forcing his own thoughts down as best as he could, Naruto reached out to grab Gaara’s arm. “Gaara-”
“I’m not going back in there.” Gaara whirled around and swatted Naruto’s hand away with a scowl. “I refuse to go back in. You can’t make me.” The way Gaara’s voice sounded made Naruto want to turn back around and go deck Rasa in the face. Gaara sounded scared, like a cornered animal.
“Okay, okay.” Naruto pulled his hand away quickly, nodding slowly as Gaara met his eye. “We don’t have to go back. Let’s just…leave.”
It was what he had wanted to do since they arrived. It was the best idea now more than anything else. Gaara didn’t need to be here. Neither did Temari or Kankuro, admittedly, but they had Shikamaru and Kiba to look after them. Right now, all he cared about was getting Gaara far away from this house. He needed to calm Gaara down because that would be the only way he could calm himself down, too.
Gaara blinked at him in surprise like he hadn’t even considered leaving. Earlier, he had said that he didn’t want to give Rasa the satisfaction of knowing he made Gaara storm away, but now it looked like he really didn’t care. Naruto slowly reached a hand out again and took Gaara’s, squeezing it gently. “I’m serious. Let’s just go, Gaara. We can stay if you want to but…you don’t have to. There’s two more cars between the others so they’ll be totally fine.”
Gaara glanced past him, eyeing the door. Naruto was sure he was weighing his options, most likely not wanting to leave his siblings behind in there, but his own anxiety seemed to win over. He looked back at Naruto and nodded firmly. “Okay. But let me drive.”
An odd request, if Naruto were to be honest. He slowly pulled his keys from the pocket of his pants, raising a curious brow as Gaara plucked it from his fingers. “Are you sure?” Driving while angry wasn’t really the best idea. Naruto never liked doing it, at least.
Gaara shrugged a little bit. “It will help me focus. Besides, it’s raining. You don’t like driving in the rain.”
Gaara turned and made his way off the porch, heading down the driveway, leaving Naruto to gape at him. Naruto had mentioned hating driving in the rain ages ago when they first started hanging out. It was such a small detail that most people wouldn’t have remembered; Naruto certainly didn’t expect Gaara to remember it, especially since they had still heavily disliked each other when he had brought it up. But Gaara had remembered it. More than that, he remembered it and was making sure Naruto didn’t have to do it, despite his own emotional disaster. He was looking out for him and it made Naruto’s face heat up as he hurried to follow him, feeling far too sentimental about something so trivial.
But it wasn’t trivial. Not to him.
It didn’t surprise him at all that their drive was mostly silent. Their only conversation had been deciding if they should go to Naruto’s place or Gaara’s and they had quickly settled on Gaara’s; it would be empty, whereas Naruto’s wouldn’t and being prodded and fawned over by Kushina and Minato wouldn’t do Gaara’s emotional state any good. Normally, the silence would make Naruto nervous but for now it was tolerable. Gaara needed it, honestly, and Naruto was content to listen to the sound of the rain hitting the car as they drove. It was like the further they got from Rasa’s house, the easier it felt to breathe for the both of them. As glad as he was that he had gone, Naruto wished Gaara had never agreed to going in the first place.
It was probably unavoidable, though. Things like this always came to a head and it was rarely ever at a good time. Naruto was sure that it was a miracle that Gaara had handled it so well and had just left without flipping the table or throwing something. He wasn’t sure how much of that old fear still lingered in the other’s bones, didn’t know how much of it had come back to life the second Rasa’s eyes met Gaara’s from across the room. He had no idea how Gaara felt, not entirely. He knew that it was a complicated matter and that each of the Sabaku siblings had their own hang ups about it. Temari had been especially enlightening and Naruto knew that she had a lot of mixed up feelings about the whole thing, but to hear her say it so bluntly…
Temari loved her brothers. There wasn’t a single person on the planet that could deny that. But to hear her say, in such a raw and broken voice, how miserable it had made her to take care of them like that…it was hard. Naruto could only imagine how Kankuro and Gaara felt about it. He was sure that neither of them had taken it lightly, though he was a little more concerned about how Gaara had taken it in particular.
When they stepped into Gaara’s house, a little more wet than either of them would like, Naruto finally felt himself breathe normally again. They kicked off their shoes by the door and Gaara glanced over at Naruto as he handed his car keys back to him. “You didn’t get to finish eating. I can make something if you want.”
Naruto walked over to the couch, eyeing Shukaku curled up on one end, and sat down. “Yeah, sure. I’m fine with whatever. Just make something easy.” He wasn’t too hungry after everything, honestly, but he figured Gaara could use the distraction. He was a little surprised Gaara hadn’t blown up yet; he was actually pretty calm, but he knew that didn’t mean much. Being calm when extremely angry was actually pretty damn scary.
Gaara left for the kitchen and Naruto busied himself with turning on the TV, finding some random show to watch and tossing the remote aside. It landed near Shukaku who jerked away, shooting Naruto a sleepy glare which he scoffed at. “Cranky ass cat.” He held a hand out to him, smirking a little when the cat leaned forward to sniff at his fingers. “Wow, you didn’t even hiss at me this time. It’s like you like me.”
Shukaku spared him one more weary look before curling back up and going back to sleep. Well, that was progress, at the very least. Naruto hadn’t been hissed at and that was what mattered.
For a little while, Naruto was able to distract himself with the show he had put in. He made sure to send Shikamaru a text, letting him know that Gaara was okay and home safe, before settling in. He honestly wasn’t sure how much time had passed but, after an entire episode and half of another, he finally heaved himself up off the couch and trudged to the kitchen to find Gaara. He was sure Gaara was just enjoying having a moment alone to decompress but it still made him anxious not knowing what the other was doing or thinking.
Gaara was standing at the stove, expressionless as he watched a pancake cook in a pan. A small plate with pancakes sat on the counter, still lightly steaming, and Naruto cleared his throat to get his attention. Gaara looked towards the sound, not very surprised to see him. “I never asked but are you alright with pancakes?”
“Literally fine with anything.” Naruto assured as he walked over to stand beside him, peering at the pancake in the pan. He gasped softly. “With chocolate chips?”
Gaara shrugged a little bit. “Yeah.” He murmured, flipping the pancake with a spatula. “They’re easy and quick to make. Well…easy, at least. Maybe not quick. I know I’ve been here a while.”
Naruto smiled a little bit. “There’s no rush, man.”
Gaara didn’t respond and Naruto left him to the task of making the pancakes, leaning back against the counter as he watched Gaara closely. If Gaara was a little less in his head, he probably would have snapped at Naruto for watching him so hard but he was clearly lost in his thoughts, giving Naruto a chance to finally get a good look at him without the pressure of anyone else being around. He honestly looked tired, more than he usually did, and there was a tension in his jaw, like he was clenching it a little too hard. He was staring at the pancakes like they would somehow ease his suffering; they were his only distraction right now and Naruto’s heart kind of ached.
Despite the ache in his chest, though, Naruto felt an unfamiliar anger simmering in his gut. Not at Gaara, no, but at Rasa. He was so angry that the man had gotten to Gaara. Hell, not just Gaara, but Temari and Kankuro as well. Three people Naruto had always viewed as strong and never wavering had been reduced to aching, desperate children all because of their father’s own carelessness. Naruto was sure that Gaara’s mind would be reeling for a few days at the very least and it made his stomach churn to think about it. It sort of stung to know that there wasn’t a whole lot he could do to fix it. It was like when Sasuke’s parents died; no kind words could fix the past.
“Hey,” He cleared his throat and Gaara glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “I know you’re probably feeling a lot of emotions right now but if you want to talk about it…I’m here. Okay?” He wanted to reach out and hold Gaara’s hand to give him some sort of physical way to feel that Naruto was there and meant to be. He didn’t, of course, because he wasn’t sure where Gaara stood right now when it came to being touched.
He didn’t really expect Gaara to respond. He didn’t need a reply; it was just a statement he had made, a small assurance that if Gaara needed him, he would be there. Gaara did speak, however, his voice softer and less sure than it had been before. “I don’t know who made me more upset, to be honest. My father or my sister.”
Naruto bit his lip and nodded, watching Gaara slide the now done pancake onto the plate with the others. Gaara carried the pan to the sink and set it in there, making himself busy with grabbing forks for them before getting syrup and butter. Naruto asked, “Are you angry at Temari?”
“No,” Gaara shook his head as he set the forks, butter, and syrup on the counter. He smothered the pancakes in syrup after spreading the butter on it and held out a fork towards Naruto. Ah, so they were just going to eat this giant stack of pancakes from the same plate together, standing here at the counter. Not that Naruto minded, but it was a little funny. Gaara popped a forkful of pancake into his mouth, looking like he was thinking about how he was going to word what he was going to say. “I’m not angry with her. But…what she said, it was…difficult for me to hear.”
Naruto didn’t say anything. He ate a mouthful of the pancakes and waited for Gaara to continue. Whatever train of thought he was on, it was obvious from the way he was frowning softly that it was a rough one to stay on. Naruto didn’t want to rush it.
“I’ve always felt like I was a burden to my siblings but…especially Temari.” Gaara murmured finally. He ate another bite and stared down at the plate, frowning softly. “She threw her entire childhood away to take care of us. She didn’t have to do it but she did. What she said back there…it was true. She had three jobs at sixteen. One that she worked Monday through Friday in the evenings after school. Then she had two weekend jobs, one in the early morning and one late into the night. She…she never had time for herself between all of it. When she was home she was cleaning or working on schoolwork…helping us with ours, which I never made easy because I was such a horrible little child. I made everything way more difficult than it had to be sometimes and she just…took it in stride.”
Gaara stabbed his fork into the pancakes with a little more force than before, looking pained. “She never had any friends she went out with. She didn’t go to parties or dates. All of her free time was centered around taking care of us and making sure the house was presentable enough for our father. And Kankuro…” He shook his head. “He worked hard, too, as soon as he was able to. And then there was just…me. Ungrateful and angry all the time.”
“You were suffering, Gaara.” Naruto told him quietly, poking at the pancakes with his own fork for a moment. “You all were. You can’t…be angry at yourself for how you acted when you were living with your dad. You were just trying to survive.” It wasn’t something Naruto could understand, not to such an extent. It was horrific to even think about and made him wish he had known sooner. If he had, would he and Gaara have become friends sooner? Would Naruto have become someone Gaara turned to for comfort when the world was too much, when his father’s words crushed him?
Naruto liked to think that, if he had known, he could have made a difference. But he could dwell on the past, especially when he and Gaara never knew each other that well back then. The only thing that dwelling on the past got you was more pain and pointless guilt.
“I was terrible after I got out of his house, Naruto.” Gaara dropped his fork, it clattering onto the counter, and buried his face in his hands as he sucked in a deep and shaky breath. Slowly, he let his hands fall away from his face as he leaned heavily over the counter and Naruto saw his lips tremble, an action that made Naruto’s own anxiety kick into overdrive for a moment.
Was…was Gaara going to cry…?
“Temari and Kankuro got me out of there as soon as they could and I…” He scoffed quietly. “I was a terrible brother. I fought with them over everything all the time. Things that didn’t even matter, I just wanted to pick fights. It was so bad, Naruto…we would scream at each other. I would storm out of the apartment and stay with Sasuke for a few days if I could. I just…It was like I didn’t know how to be a normal fucking person when I left my father’s house. I felt like some wild animal constantly on edge.” He took another shaky breath and then looked over at Naruto, those gorgeous eyes of his wet with tears that had yet to fall. “But then I made Temari cry and everything was different.”
It made sense that Gaara would behave like that when he was away from Rasa. It was just how trauma worked; Naruto knew enough to know that. Gaara had spent so long teaching himself how to survive that when he was presented with the chance to live , it had terrified him. He knew, of course, that Gaara knew this. Gaara was old enough to know this about himself and to put names to the emotions he previously didn’t understand but he also knew that this shame he held was old and raw. Even if he knew it was only natural, it didn’t mean it had sat well with him or that he had made peace with it. Temari’s outburst earlier had yanked all those messy feelings to the surface, leaving Gaara stuck in an ocean of feelings he would have been content to forget.
“Temari never cried. Not really.” Gaara continued and Naruto let him, watching him. He was working through his emotions, bit by bit, and Naruto had a feeling he didn’t do that too often. “She would shed a tear or two if our father screamed at her, sure, but she had never cried. I made her cry and I don’t even remember what I said to her. That’s the worst part. I just remember seeing her with all these tears coming down her face, her shoulders shaking as she excused herself from the room. I remember hearing her sobbing and I…I couldn’t do that to her again. I couldn’t-” He cut himself off abruptly, his voice cracking in a way that made Naruto’s chest ache again. His shoulders were shaking like he was fighting to keep himself in check…and losing.
That had been Gaara’s breaking point. Naruto had wondered when and why Gaara had decided he was done being miserable and had gotten himself together, how he had become the man he was now. He figured it had something to do with his siblings because that just made sense. He just didn’t expect it to involve something so sad but it didn’t really surprise him. A breaking point was hardly ever something positive, at least not right away. It was only fitting that it was his strong older sister that had been his breaking point, that had finally made Gaara look at himself and want something better.
The pancakes had been forgotten by the both of them by this point and that was fine; he didn’t have the stomach for food right now. He shoved the plate away from them and reached out, pulling Gaara closer to himself. Gaara came without argument, pressing his face into Naruto’s shoulder and hugging him tightly, fists clenched in the back of Naruto’s shirt. Naruto held him right back, one hand placed gently on the back of Gaara’s head; it was how Minato had always hugged Naruto and it was comforting and grounding. He hoped it felt the same for Gaara but right now, despite how quiet the other had grown, Naruto could feel wetness seeping through his shirt on his shoulder.
Naruto hadn’t ever seen Gaara cry. When they were teenagers he would have bet money on the fact that Gaara was incapable of crying which was mean, he knows, but that was just one of the impressions Gaara had left. Even now that they were older, crying had never been something he would have associated with the other. Gaara had always seemed too put together, too unbreakable. Clearly, he was wrong, and he was alright with that.
This was just another part of Gaara that Naruto had never expected to see. Another part of him that proved that Gaara had never been the cruel and rude child Naruto thought he was. He was just a hurt kid living in an adult’s body trying to teach himself how to live.
He wasn’t sure how long the two of them stood in the kitchen, Gaara crying silently into his shoulder while Naruto just did the only thing he could do; hold him. Obviously Gaara knew that his brother and sister loved him. No one could deny that. It must have been so hard, though, to have all that guilt built up inside.
The sound of the TV from the living room filtered in every so often and the sound of the rain outside had grown louder, rain hitting the roof almost angrily. He was already dreading driving home, knowing how dark it would be and hot slick the roads would be and, admittedly, knowing he was leaving Gaara alone all night after all of this. But that was something to deal with later. He honestly wasn’t even sure how he would be when he was alone later, either. His anxiety was sort of coming and going and had been since they stepped foot in Rasa’s house. He’d be angry later, he knew. Mostly at himself for not getting Gaara out of there sooner but he’d also be angry at Rasa. Angry at how easily the man tried to move past it all. Angry at how he had refused to apologize even once. Angry especially at how Rasa had tried to justify his abuse by calling Gaara a difficult child.
Just thinking about it now made him want to throw something and Naruto was not, by any means, an angry person by nature.
Slowly, like it pained him, Gaara finally unwrapped his arms from around Naruto and stepped back. He wiped quickly at his eyes with the back of a hand, taking a shaky breath. Those red rimmed eyes met Naruto’s in the dim kitchen and Naruto managed a small smile, reaching out to cup Gaara’s cheek in his hand. Gaara leaned into the touch almost instantly, making Naruto’s stomach flutter, and finally the red head spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Naruto shook his head quickly. “I don’t mind. It’s better to get it out of your system.”
“There’s…too much in my system, I think.” Gaara muttered, frowning softly. He slowly pushed Naruto’s hand away from his face and glanced towards the discarded plate of pancakes. They had only eaten maybe two of the five in the stack in total, though Gaara didn’t look like he was very hungry either. “I…have a lot of anger inside of me. It makes me hate myself and hate how I used to treat people. Every emotion I have, it just feels like it turns into this…blinding rage that I can’t get away from. My anxiety makes me angry. When I’m sad, I get angry…it just feels like a never ending cycle and I just think about the way I used to treat my brother and sister and it makes me miserable. I’m…so tired of feeling miserable all the time. I’m tired of not feeling my emotions the way normal people do. Normal people don’t feel things the way I do and…” He trailed off and shook his head slightly. “I think Temari’s argument with our Father just reminded me of all of this.”
“I think…that it’s okay that you’re angry.” Naruto offered slowly, watching as Gaara eyed him almost wearily. “I mean it. It would be incredibly bizarre if you weren’t at least a little angry after all you experienced. But…I also think that you aren’t as horrible as you try to tell yourself you are.”
Naruto stepped closer and took Gaara’s hand in his own, squeezing it gently. “You care about people, Gaara. You love people. Being angry…that’s a human emotion and it’s normal. But anger isn’t all you are. I’ve seen the way you joke and laugh with Sasuke and there’s never any anger seeping into those interactions. I’ve seen the way you care about your brother and sister and there’s never been anger there. Just love. You’re so full of love, Gaara, that it’s actually shocking. Considering everything you’ve been through…you’re still a great person with a big heart, even if you guard it well.”
He meant every word of it and if he were to be honest, there was so much more he could say if he was just a little better with words. He wanted Gaara to believe him. He wanted Gaara to know that he wasn’t some awful monster like he thought he was because that was so far from the truth. Gaara was kind and thoughtful. He had such a big heart and Naruto had seen it in the gentle way he treated his friends and his siblings, hell even in the way he treated that damn funky cat of his. It was hard to hear kind things about yourself, though, and Naruto knew that. He wasn’t a stranger to being on Gaara’s end of the kind words, to feeling like you wanted to shout at the top of your lungs how wrong all the praise was. There was only so much he could do.
Gaara’s hand gripped his a little tighter as he glanced aside, frowning softly. “How can you say such kind things about me so easily?”
“Because it’s the truth,” Naruto murmured, grinning softly when Gaara’s eyes found him again. He tugged Gaara closer by the hand, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. “It’s not hard to say it when it’s just plain honesty, Gaara. I’ll say it whenever you need to. That’s what friends are for.”
Somehow, the word felt strange to say so suddenly. Friends . They were friends, very close ones at this point, honestly. It shouldn’t have felt strange to say it. Naruto had shaken off all the weirdness that day in his room when he’d gotten a little carried away making Gaara feel good. He’d shaken off all the strangeness and awkwardness of the new revelation because being Gaara’s friend was fun, it was warm, it was great. But it felt so weird to say it now, almost like the word didn’t exactly fit the feelings he had.
That…wasn’t a train of thought he needed to go down.
The feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket made Naruto jerk in surprise and he dropped Gaara’s hand, fishing the phone out and quickly reading over the text that Kiba had sent him. “Oh. Looks like your brother went to Kiba’s for the night and Temari went to Shikamaru’s.”
“They probably needed to calm down, as well.” Gaara nodded a little bit. “Guess it’ll be just me tonight.”
Naruto didn’t really like the sound of that. Not after the experience at Rasa’s, at least.
Gaara glanced towards a clock on the wall. “It’s already after eight. I didn’t realize.”
Neither did Naruto. He had stopped keeping track of the time hours ago but now that it had been brought up, all he could think about was the damn rain outside. He grimaced a bit. “I should probably go, then. The rain is coming down pretty hard out there.” He’d manage it but he sure would hate it. At least he would only have to drive through residential streets to get to his place from here.
Gaara glanced over his shoulder towards the living room before he frowned again. “You hate driving in the rain.”
Naruto shrugged. “Well, yeah.” He mumbled. “But it isn’t like I don’t know how to drive in the rain. It’s just annoying.” Ignoring the fact that he’d be worried all night long about Gaara. He’d probably end up calling him anyway.
Gaara’s frown deepened for a moment. “Why don’t you just sleep over?”
It wasn’t really something he had ever thought would happen, though he was sure it would have come up eventually. If everyone thought they were dating then it would have made sense for Naruto to stay over once or twice to keep up appearances and everything. He just didn’t really think Gaara would be okay with that, as private as he was. Gaara liked his space and Naruto respected that.
“Are you sure?” He found himself asking, one hand on his hip. “I mean, believe me, the last thing I want to do is leave you here alone all night-”
“Then don’t,” Gaara cut in abruptly. At Naruto’s surprised look, he rolled his eyes a little. “Leave me. Don’t leave me alone all night. Stay over. No one else is home and we have huge couches. You can borrow some clothes.”
Gaara didn’t want to say it but it was obvious that he didn’t want to be alone, either. Having someone else in the house would make him feel better, even if Naruto was across the house on one of the couches. (Naruto wasn’t going to acknowledge the small twinge of disappointment he felt at being put on the couch, no sir.)
Naruto smiled a little bit. “Okay, I’ll stay over.” He relented. “But only if I can use your shower; I can’t sleep if I don’t shower first.”
“Please do, actually.” Gaara smirked a little bit as he gestured for Naruto to follow after him. “You stink.”
“I do not,” Naruto reached out to jab the other in the back, smirking when Gaara huffed in annoyance. “Don’t be mean to me.”
“I’m nothing but kind to you,” Gaara said over his shoulder as he led Naruto down the hall, stopping by Kankuro’s door. He looked over at Naruto and gestured to Kankuro’s door. “My clothes might be a little too small on you. You’re broader than I am. I can get you some of Kankuro’s things to wear. Or even Kiba’s; he keeps clothes here and you two are about the same size.”
“I’m fine with anything,” Naruto shrugged. “Get whatever.”
Gaara nodded and stepped into Kankuro’s room, emerging a minute or two later and shoving some clothes into Naruto’s hands. “You know where the bathroom is. There’s clean towels under the sink. You can use my shampoo…I guess. It’s the fruity smelling one. Same with the body wash.”
Naruto nodded as he bundled the clothes up, smiling again. “Yeah, sure. I shouldn’t be too long.”
Gaara waved it off as he headed back towards the living room. “It’s fine. Take as long as you need.”
Naruto made his way to the bathroom, glad to finally have the chance to shed his nice clothes in favor of something comfortable. The feeling of hot washer washing over him as he stepped into the shower made him sigh softly, leaning his head back so he could feel the hot water in his hair, running down his neck. He tried to will away the memories of the day, focusing only on the last hour or so instead. For the most part, he was pretty sure he had done a good job easing Gaara’s stress from the day. He’d been joking with him at the very least and had felt comfortable enough to hint at not wanting Naruto to leave which was a good sign, he was pretty sure. Naruto didn’t want to leave, either, and it was nice to not have to say it. He was honestly kind of excited to have some alone time with him after everything. They could watch a movie or something and talk and…well, maybe they’d kiss. Naruto wasn’t too confident about that and obviously wouldn’t push it, but they could both use the distraction.
Honestly, ever since Naruto had gotten Gaara off in his room, he’d been thinking about doing it again a little more than he was supposed to. It was normal to have thoughts like that, obviously, and their dynamic allowed it. But he shouldn’t have been this excited by the idea of it. He sort of felt like a teenager again. It felt like how giddy he would get when he was alone with Sauke when they’d first started dating.
Naruto’s thoughts screeched to a halt as he realized that, fingers pausing in the task of lathering up his hair with apple scented shampoo.
Oh.
That was it, wasn’t it? That was why calling Gaara his friend had felt so alien back there, why it didn’t feel quite right. It felt just like when he had started dating Sasuke, when he still had a crush that made his heart flutter and his palms sweaty. He had been so focused on getting used to Gaara that he hadn’t realized that he was crushing. It was just like with Sasuke and, as much as it made him wince to think about, just like his old crush on Sai, too.
The information washed over him like a tidal wave. He had a crush on Gaara. But that was fine, right? Crushes happened, especially with Naruto. He crushed on people so easily that he’d learned to dismiss it at first glance. His friendship with Gaara was still so new and fresh, of course he’d overlooked how he was starting to feel. The added physical aspect of their dynamic did little to help it; Naruto knew how he was when he liked people.
Shit. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Though, as he slowly went back to washing his hair, he had to remind himself that it wasn’t that big of a deal. He’d crushed on a handful of his friends over the years and, usually, the crush went away after either a few weeks or a few months. It would go away this time, too, he was sure. It had to. It wouldn’t do any good to fall for Gaara, fake dating dynamic or not. Gaara was just…well, he deserved better, mostly. He deserved someone that wasn’t an anxious mess, that wouldn’t be fighting the urge to blow his phone up whenever a stray thought crossed their mind. He deserved someone that could just…do better.
Naruto was content to be his friend before anything else. Hell, when they staged their break up, he was sure they could spin some stupid excuse that would help them get away with staying close friends and he was totally okay with that.
The rest of his shower went by quickly, mainly because he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts any longer than he had to be, now. The scent of Gaara’s shampoo was a nice distraction, though certainly not a scent he would have associated with him. The image of Gaara skulking through a store to fight the fruitiest smelling shampoo made him giggle softly to himself. Even the body wash smelled of fruit, this one a pomegranate scent that was a little stronger than Naruto would have liked but wasn’t terrible. It was a far cry from what he assumed was Kankuro’s shampoo, a dark gray bottle that advertised the scent as Ocean Charge, whatever the hell that meant. Naruto was the same way, though. He used shampoo that was generally advertised as a man’s shampoo, with some bullshit scent name that didn’t actually tell you anything about how it smelled. You just smelled like a man which meant you smelled clean and that was just fine with him. Gaara, however, seemed to have fun with it.
Naruto might have to take some notes because the pomegranate body wash was already starting to grow on him.
When he got out of the shower he was quick to pull on the clothes Gaara had given him. A pair of black sweats that were most likely Kankuro’s and a dark blue t-shirt that he knew belonged to Kiba. But they were comfortable compared to the nice clothes he had been wearing for most of the day so he didn’t complain, making his way back to the living room.
Gaara was seated on the couch, Shukaku cradled in his arms like a baby, and when Naruto shuffled in, Gaara’s eyes raked over him for just a moment. He was most likely making sure the clothes fit him alright but it didn’t stop Naruto’s face from feeling a little warm. “I’m glad the clothes fit.”
“Yeah, they feel great.” Naruto fell heavily onto the couch beside him, earning him a nasty side eye from Shukaku. He smirked a bit at the cat before looking at Gaara. “You gonna shower? I can cat sit.”
Gaara snorted at that and looked down at Shukaku. “You hear that, Shu? Naruto said he’d watch you.” He gushed, leaning down to press a kiss to the cat’s head. Cute.
Shukaku obviously didn’t understand what was said to him. That did not stop him, however, from eyeing Naruto again like the blonde had offended him and all of his ancestors. Gaara chuckled softly and slid the cat off of his lap, setting him on the couch as he stood up. “I won’t be long.” He told Naruto and gestured towards the remote resting nearby. “You can find something to watch. If you get hungry again…those pancakes we left behind really need to be eaten.”
Naruto watched him go with a small smile on his lips, glancing over at Shukaku. The cat eyed him, tail swishing idly, and then looked away as he heaved a giant yawn. Such sleepy creatures cats were. Naruto reached out, holding his fingers close enough for Shukaku to sniff. “I know you don’t really like anybody, but you are pretty cute. In a funky kind of way, I guess.”
Shukaku sniffed at Naruto’s fingers for a moment before letting out one of his god awful, creaky-sounding meows, and promptly laid his head down and closed his eyes. Well, it was better than being hissed at so Naruto took it as a small win. He scoffed a little and scooped up the TV remote, looking for something they could watch. He ended up settling on one of those cheesy family movies, figuring Gaara would just have to deal with it if he had any problems with it. After the day they had, horror movies were the last thing Naruto wanted to watch, even if Gaara loved them.
Gaara showered a lot faster than Naruto did, emerging after only ten minutes with damp hair and wearing black sweats and a sweater. An orange sweater. The same sweater Naruto had given him weeks ago. The same sweater he’d worn when they had first kissed right here on this exact couch. It shouldn’t have made Naruto blush the way it did and he quickly looked back at the TV as Gaara sat down beside him again. “I picked a cheesy kids’ movie. Is that okay?”
“That’s fine.” Gaara replied with an easy shrug, reaching over to pet Shukaku, the cat making a cute little noise at the contact. “I didn’t have a preference of what to watch tonight, honestly.”
For a while the two of them watched the movie in casual silence, one of them occasionally pointing out something silly or weird in the plot line that made them chuckle. It was nice. Silences with Gaara were…nice, and Naruto was glad he’d gotten used to it. He normally wasn’t the kind of person that could take a silence well, especially after all the drama he and Sasuke had put each other through leading up to their break up. It had always made Naruto nervous and made him feel like he had done something wrong, something he had to pick himself apart over. But with Gaara it was just…casual. It was calm. Gaara embraced silence and the more time Naruto spent with him, the more he had started to embrace it as well.
He wasn’t sure when it happened but at one point they had shifted closer to each other, Gaara’s head resting on his shoulder. His body was warm where it pressed against Naruto’s side and Naruto set a hand on Gaara’s thigh, turning his head a little to press his lips to Gaara’s hair. “You okay?”
“Why do you ask?” Gaara asked quietly.
Naruto shrugged gently, careful not to jostle Gaara’s head too much. “You’re usually a little more…cautious about touching casually. You’re way better at it than when we started this, of course, but there’s usually some form of hesitation. But today…it’s different, I guess.”
“Oh,” Gaara murmured and Naruto couldn’t figure out the tone he had. “I guess it’s just easy to do it with you.” He shrugged his own shoulders a little. “I don’t touch too many people easily. My siblings and Sasuke, sure. Hinata from time to time. Lee, too. But you’re right; there’s always some form of hesitation. I guess I’ve gotten used to touching you and enjoying it. I don’t feel like I have to hesitate. I guess us being more…intimate sometimes helped with that.”
Naruto tried not to let the overwhelming pride he felt show too much on his face. He fought down a smile and nodded slowly, looking back at the TV. “Well, I’m glad you’re more comfortable with me.”
“It would be odd if I wasn’t,” Gaara huffed a little. “Considering you jerked me off not too long ago. No use being hesitant at that point.”
Naruto couldn’t stop the bark of laughter that erupted from him, earning him an eye roll from Gaara as he leaned away from him. “No, no! Come back! You just say things so bluntly sometimes that I can’t help but laugh.”
Gaara scoffed and looked towards Shukaku. “You hear this, Shu? Being teased again.”
“No fair, you can’t complain to the cat.” Naruto scoffed right back. “He’ll take your side without even hearing me out!”
Gaara glanced over at him, smirking softly. “Which is why he’s the perfect one to complain to, actually. He’s my son and he knows I’m right.”
“You’re terrible.” Naruto rolled his eyes and looked at Shukaku, who simply stared at him. He pointed at Gaara. “You make him intolerable, you mangy cat.”
“Mangy?” Gaara echoed, a hand to his chest in shock. “He’s not mangy! He’s beautiful. I make sure of it.”
“His soul is mangy,” Naruto giggled softly, earning him another eye roll. “From the way he glares at everyone, you just know his soul is mangy.”
“Don’t listen to him, Shu.” Gaara stage whispered. “He’s just jealous of our bond.”
“Yeah, sure.” Naruto snickered a little bit before he leaned back into the couch. “Is he your first cat?”
“He’s my first pet entirely, actually.” Gaara looked back at him. “Our father never let us have pets. He said they were too messy. We probably wouldn’t have been able to take care of it very well, anyway, even if we did have a pet. Kankuro used to want a dog so Kiba bringing Akamaru around all the time was a huge plus. Temari isn’t really big on animals but she’s partial to cats.”
“I never had any pets, either.” Naruto admitted, thinking about it. “Actually…well, my mom had fish when I was young. She really liked them. We had them for a few years.”
“Kankuro asked for fish once, too.” Gaara watched as Shukaku stood up and yawned, stretching in that weird way cats did that looked like it must have felt amazing. The cat blinked sleepily at Gaara before jumping off the couch and sauntering away. “Our father said no to that, as well. He told Kankuro that if he ever saw any fish in our house, he’d make him flush it down the toilet.”
Naruto shouldn’t have been surprised, honestly. Even if it had been an empty threat it was still kind of a ghastly thing to say to a kid of any age. He frowned a little and shook his head, sighing. “Damn, man. Did you ever have any good memories with the guy?”
Gaara looked at him in surprise, a small frown working its way onto his mouth as he thought about it. It wasn’t really meant to be an actual question. Naruto had just been so done with Rasa, with all of the man’s nonsense. Gaara surprised him, however, when he replied quietly, “I think so.”
“You…think so?” Naruto shifted a little bit on the couch, turning his body to face Gaara more, the sounds of the TV forgotten now that his interest had been grabbed.
Gaara glanced towards the TV before looking back at Naruto. “My…brother and sister said that when I was born…our father was so happy. They said he held me all the time and never seemed to want to put me down. Our mother was still alive so…I guess we were a normal family back then.” He looked uncomfortable just thinking about it. It was as if the very idea of them ever being a normal family just didn’t sit right with him. “They said that when our mother was alive, our father was a happy man. He loved our mother…more than anything, actually. Temari thinks that’s why he changed so drastically after she died. She said that when our mother died it was like she had taken everything good that existed in our father with her.”
Naruto thought about his own parents. He thought about how in love they were and how obvious it was to anyone that so much as glanced their way. If either one were to die, the other would surely break…but neither of them would have become as cruel as Rasa had. Whatever horrible feelings had festered inside of Rasa, Naruto knew they didn’t exist in his mom and dad. That didn’t stop him from feeling just a little bad for Rasa, though, and he hated that he pitied the man like that.
He couldn’t imagine the level of pain someone had to feel to allow themselves to become so twisted inside. Even at his worst, when the world felt like it was falling apart and he was sure everyone was against him, Naruto had never let himself become so harsh.
“To be honest,” Gaara continued softly. “I don’t remember a whole lot from when our mother was alive. The sound of her laugh, maybe, if I think about it hard enough. But to be honest I think I’m just making it up to make myself feel better. I don’t remember anything about when my father was kind to me, either. I wish I did. Maybe I’d feel less shitty watching Temari and Kankuro trying to be civil with him if I could remember at least one good thing. But all I remember is…suffering.”
Reaching a hand out, Naruto set it gently on Gaara’s knee and squeezed a little. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“No, no…” Gaara smiled a little bit. “It’s…actually sort of easy to talk about it right now. Easier than usual, at least. It’s like I said earlier; I have a lot to get out of my system.”
“Clearly,” Naruto smiled back at him. “I don’t mind, by the way. Whatever you want to talk about, I’m here to listen.”
“I know. I appreciate it.” Gaara patted Naruto’s hand that was still on his knee. “I…also appreciate you going with me. I know I’ve said that more than enough times already but…I’m just really thankful. I would have gone alone if you didn’t know about it.”
Naruto didn’t doubt that. “Trust me, I’m glad I went. I’m just sort of surprised you let me.”
“I think I wanted someone there.” Gaara admitted. “Temari had Shikamaru, Kankuro had Kiba…I would have been alone and most likely would have forced myself to sit through the entire evening. It wouldn’t have been good for me and I think I caved when I asked you to go with me. I honestly never wanted anyone else to meet him. Ever. I wouldn’t have even taken Sasuke if I had the choice and Sasuke knows my father fairly well, all things considered. I think I just really needed someone that could calm me down if I needed it.”
Naruto’s eyes widened slightly. “I calm you down?”
“Of course you do.”
“I was worried I did such an awful job.” Naruto breathed through a laugh. “I mean, I was at a total loss at what to do when I suggested getting you off the other day. I didn’t think I was good at making you feel better.”
Gaara frowned a little and lightly smacked his arm. “Give yourself more credit, Uzumaki.” His tone had a warning in it, like he’d fight Naruto right now if Naruto argued with him. “You’re good at calming me down. Honestly, it’s sort of a little insane how good you are at it considering you used to be so good at pissing me off with little to no effort.”
“Pissing you off specifically is my special talent.” Naruto flashed him a small grin, winking at him. He relaxed a little, then, and sighed softly. “You don’t have to thank me for going with you, Gaara. I wanted to go. I would have lost my mind staying at home while you were there alone.” He would have been up all night fighting the urge to text or call Gaara until he answered. It would have been both embarrassing and intolerable of him.
Gaara smiled at him again, that soft sort of smile that made Naruto’s face feel warm and his palms a little sweaty. Naruto wanted to lean forward and kiss him, wanted to run his hands through his hair. He fought down that urge, though. Kissing Gaara’s forehead and holding his hand was one thing. It was innocent in most cases. But if Naruto kissed him right now…well, nothing innocent would follow, that was for sure. After the day Gaara had suffered through, sex was probably the last thing on his mind.
Naruto broke their eye contact and cleared his throat. “You know, I’m kind of tired.” He told Gaara, heaving a yawn that felt a little more real than he had expected. “Long day for us both, honestly.”
Gaara hummed softly. Naruto felt his eyes on him for a few moments more before Gaara stood up from the couch. “I’ll grab you a pillow and a blanket.”
Naruto wasn’t actually that tired. He should have been, all things considered, but with the mess of emotions that were racing through his brain he knew that sleep would do its best to avoid him tonight. A little bit of space would be good, though, and even if they both didn’t sleep, they could use some time alone to unwind. Gaara had most likely surpassed his limit for human interaction hours ago and, while Naruto was flattered that he still chose to hang out with him, he didn’t want to push him too hard.
Plus, if Gaara laid his head on his shoulder like that again, Naruto wouldn’t be able to stop himself from kissing him senseless. God, he almost hated how much Gaara affected him. Almost.
Gaara returned, setting a pillow and a thick blanket on the couch next to Naruto. He looked over at him. “The house should stay fairly warm tonight but if you end up wanting another blanket there are more in the closet in the hall.” He told him. “It’s the door right next to the bathroom.”
“I’ll be fine,” Naruto assured as he pulled the pillow to himself, hugging it to his chest. “I run hot, remember? I’ll probably end up sweating.”
Gaara nodded a bit. “That’s true.” He agreed, glancing around the living room. “Well, I don’t know where Shukaku went. If he jumps onto the couch at some point, be nice to him.”
Naruto rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’ll be so nice to your mean old cat, Gaara. I swear.” Shukaku was more than capable of putting Naruto in his place if he bothered him, anyway, but he was pretty sure the cat wouldn’t come near him with Gaara down the hall.
Gaara smiled a little and shoved his hands into his pockets, watching Naruto calmly. Naruto…couldn’t exactly read the look on the other’s face, not entirely. But something about it reminded him of that evening in Sai’s kitchen when Gaara had wanted him but didn’t know how to say it.
Naruto felt something hot stir inside of him and he glanced away, looking at the TV. “I’ll uh…see you in the morning.” He pretended not to feel Gaara’s gaze still on him, content to pretend that he was far too tired to entertain the idea of kissing or cuddling or anything else. Which, sure, he knew Gaara would pick up on him acting weird if he kept it up. He’d be fine tomorrow. He just needed a night to think, to figure out how he was feeling and how he could stop it from blossoming any further. He and Gaara had just recently voiced their friendship, for fuck’s sake, the last thing Naruto needed to do was run away with his feelings.
But he still felt a small pang of guilt as Gaara silently left the room, heading down the hall. When he heard the soft sound of Gaara’s door closing down the hall Naruto pressed his face into the pillow he was hugging, groaning softly.
12:35 a.m.
As expected, sleep did not come to him. Naruto laid on the couch on his side with his phone in his hand, reading a text that had come in a moment ago from Sasuke.
How did it go today?
He heaved a soft sigh, slowly typing his reply.
Their dad sucks major balls, dude. Hate that guy.
That was the kind version of what he wanted to say. Sasuke knew Rasa so he would understand. Hell, he’d probably get a kick out of Naruto’s text.
Yeah, figured as much. I sent a text to Gaara about an hour ago but he hasn’t replied so…I figured I’d ask you.
Naruto was sure that Gaara would respond to it eventually. He often left texts unanswered, sure, but rarely would he leave a question through text unanswered. He considered it rude, after all.
Naruto clicked out of his text history with Sasuke and went to his and Gaara’s instead, typing a quick message.
Are you awake?
The reply was almost immediate which was…definitely not very on brand for Gaara.
Yes.
Naruto stared at his phone, biting his lip. It had been close to ten when they had both gone to bed. Over two hours later they were both awake, though Naruto was sure it was for different reasons. Gaara had been through an emotional roller coaster today and didn’t sleep well on a normal day; of course he was still up. Naruto, on the other hand, had far too much going through his head for sleep to even consider reaching him. Nothing bad, not this time, but the heavy weight of Gaara’s gaze on him before he had left the room hadn’t really sat well with him.
Another text from Gaara snapped him out of his thoughts.
Why are you awake? You said you were tired.
Well, he was tired. But being tired and being able to sleep were vastly different things. But he had been the one to cut their little hang out short and he hadn’t even considered whether or not Gaara had still wanted to hang out with him or not. Gaara, while having made massive steps in his interactions with him since they started all of this, still wasn’t exactly the best when it came to voicing what he wanted. Maybe he’d still been worked up despite his cool demeanor and had hoped to hang out well into the night in an effort to erase the day’s misery from his mind.
Naruto typed a quick reply.
I am tired but that wasn’t why I suggested we go to bed.
It was hard to lie to Gaara so he didn’t. There was no point in it, honestly, with how much they had come to trust each other because of their insane new dynamic. That was why he typed his next message.
I just really wanted to kiss you. Today was a lot for you and I wasn’t sure if that was the sort of vibe we had right now. But god I really wanted to kiss you.
It wasn’t a lie, not really. He did want to kiss Gaara. He found himself wanting to kiss Gaara quite often, actually, ever since their first kiss on this very couch. It was good for the both of them to have some sort of outlet and it had seemed to awaken something in Gaara that had long since been dormant. But Naruto didn’t want to overdo it and didn't want to make Gaara feel like it had to happen every time they saw each other. Putting aside all newly discovered romantic feelings aside, Naruto just wanted to be someone Gaara enjoyed being around. It wasn’t like they could ever go back to how they were before. They couldn’t just hate each other like they used to. They knew too much about each other and about why they were the way they were.
It was kind of scary to care about people like this. Naruto had always cared too much, loved a little too hard. It was a trait of his that he loved, of course, but it was a little exhausting sometimes. It made him over think everything and made him worry he was too much or not enough. He wouldn’t tell Gaara about how he felt, of course not. Not…yet, anyway. Not until he was able to talk to someone about it. But who the hell could he talk to? How do you tell someone you had a crush on someone that was, technically, already your boyfriend?
God, emotions were a mess.
Naruto’s phone buzzed with a text. Gaara’s reply.
Come here.
Naruto sat upright, clutching his phone to his chest as he felt his face grow hot. He wasn’t sure what he had expected from Gaara when he admitted to the small stirrings of lust in his gut. He sort of expected to be ignored for the night so that they could both sleep it off. That would have made the most sense, if he were honest. Hell, he would have accepted Gaara calling him a pervert and telling him to go to bed.
He was off the couch in seconds, making his way down the hallway towards Gaara’s bedroom but when he reached the door, he paused. He wasn’t sure if he should just walk in or knock or just turn back around and force himself to go to sleep. He’d probably be horribly angry at himself tomorrow, though, if he did turn back now.
Fate, of course, had other plans.
The bedroom door opened and Gaara blinked at him in surprise. Naruto stared right back at him and smiled slightly. “Hey.”
Gaara took a step back, holding the door open wider. “Hey.” He murmured, stepping away from the door and walking further into his room. Naruto followed after him, shutting the door behind himself, and Gaara stood there near the bed, watching him with an intensity that made him feel hot all over. The room was bathed in a light blue from the LED lights, Gaara’s TV playing some sort of anime with the volume down low. Gaara tilted his head just slightly. “You said you wanted to kiss me. Why didn’t you do it earlier when we were in the living room together?”
Naruto shrugged a little bit, taking a few steps closer. “I told you; I wasn’t sure if that was the right vibe for the night.” He murmured, reaching out to carefully set his hands on Gaara’s hips. “It’s been a really crappy day and I didn’t want to make you feel pressured. Some people need to be alone after a lot of stress and some like to get a little frisky.” Sasuke had always liked getting off after an incredible amount of stress, though it always took him a week or two to admit it. Naruto didn’t want to apply Sasuke’s logic to Gaara, though.
Gaara glanced down at the hands on his hips before looking back at Naruto’s face. “I would have told you to stop if I wasn’t in the mood for it. We both know I can throw you off of me if the need arises.”
Naruto was glad that Gaara felt comfortable enough with him to say so. “Yeah, well…if I had kissed you, I wasn’t going to stop. I would have wanted more.”
Gaara might have been blushing. It was hard to tell with the lighting, honestly, but the way his eyes widened slightly was as good of a sign as any. His own hands rested on Naruto’s arms, slowly moving up and up and up…gently squeezing his shoulders. “You’re usually a lot more bold when you talk about sex, Naruto.”
Naruto scoffed softly, shivering at the touch to his shoulders and at the way Gaara’s hands then moved to slide down his chest. “Well, usually we don’t see your father on the days I’m talking about sex.”
Gaara rolled his eyes, fingertips dipping underneath the other’s shirt. Naruto shivered again at the touch and Gaara sighed a little. “Never bring my father up when we’re like this. I will actually throw up.”
Naruto snickered softly but it died fast, his eyes zeroing in on Gaara’s lips. He knew Gaara saw it. He could tell from the slight hitch in Gaara’s breath and from the way his fingertips had stilled underneath Naruto's shirt. Slowly, Naruto drug his eyes back up to meet Gaara’s gaze as he leaned in closer to him. “I want to do more than what I did to you last time, Gaara. I just…”
He just didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t want to overwhelm him. He didn’t want to give himself another reason to feel more than he should have. Already, he was feeling too much, and was starting to like Gaara way more than he ever planned to.
It was Gaara who leaned in and closed the distance between them, kissing Naruto just once. It happened so quickly that Naruto could only blink in surprise, his face hot. Gaara leaned away just a bit, smirking softly. “Scared, Uzumaki?”
Yes.
“As if.” Naruto shoved Gaara back onto the bed, crawling over him and kissing him again. This kiss was messier than the previous one, filled with a little too much tongue as Gaara’s hands roamed further up his shirt, feeling the expanse of his chest. Naruto’s head already felt hot, the rest of his body being washed over in a wave of warmth.
1:45 a.m.
Gaara’s shuddering breath made Naruto’s head feel dizzy. The moments after their kiss had been a mess of hurried hands and lips, of teeth on skin and hands in hair. They’d made out for a good chunk of time, sure, but Naruto hadn’t wasted any time getting more. Their clothes had been thrown across the room and it had been a rush of touching, of Naruto dragging out each and every new noise from Gaara with prideful glee.
Now they were lost in the passion, Gaara still panting softly, his body quivering from the loss of Naruto’s fingers from inside of him. Honestly, Naruto sort of wished he had a little more patience himself; the soft gasps and whines that Gaara had made as Naruto’s fingers stretched him open had almost made him cum on the spot. The same noises that had been haunting his mind for days and he was finally here, making Gaara make those noises again and again. But he had enough patience to pull his fingers away, to press a kiss to Gaara’s bare hip as he glanced up at him. “How are you doing?”
Gaara huffed a little, glancing down at Naruto with a small scowl, flustered. “I’d be better if you kept going.”
“You’re really impatient, y’know?” Naruto grinned against Gaara’s hip before he sat up fully, running his hands along Gaara’s thighs with a slow, gentle care. Gaara rolled his eyes and looked away, huffing again, and Naruto shook his head a little. “You’re cute.”
Cute was a bit of an understatement. Gaara was down right gorgeous like this, naked and spread out on the bed sheets, his cock heavy and leaking against his abdomen already. His pale skin was littered with hickies on his neck and collarbone, even a few on his chest. If the actual bedroom light was on and not the LED lights, Naruto was sure that those marks would stand out so deliciously.
Gaara shot him another scowl. “Do not call me cute during this.”
Naruto laughed softly. “Mm, are you really in a position to be making mean little commands?” He asked curiously, reaching a hand down to wrap his fingers around Gaara’s cock, giving it a slow, deliberate stroke. Gaara sucked in a sharp breath and Naruto smirked softly. “Exactly. Be nice and let me treat you nice.” He pulled his hand away, much to Gaara’s obvious displeasure.
He could have been mean and just sat there staring at Gaara for as long as he wanted. It would have made Gaara squirm, that was for sure, and it would have made Naruto’s already hard cock throb. But a horny Gaara, as he was finding out, had very little patience and Naruto would have to be mean another time.
He leaned down to press a kiss to the corner of Gaara’s mouth. “Do you have lube and condoms by any chance?”
Gaara blinked up at him in surprise. “Uh…I can get some.” He offered, already making a move to sit up.
Naruto shoved him back down, shaking his head. “Just tell me where it is.” They’d most likely be stealing from Kankuro’s stash, if Naruto remembered correctly from their last conversation about lube; Gaara didn’t have any of his own.
Gaara jerked his chin towards the bedroom door. “Bathroom. Very bottom drawer.”
Thank god he didn’t tell Naruto to go to Kankuro’s room. Gross.
“Got it.” Naruto patted Gaara’s bare thigh, winking at him. “Don’t move.” He told him before he got off the bed, wrapping a smaller blanket around himself.
Despite them being alone in the house, wearing nothing but a small and thin blanket in someone else’s home was a little embarrassing so Naruto rushed to the bathroom, kneeling down to the last drawer under the sink and opening it. Sure enough, two unopened bottles of lube and two boxes of condoms sat, innocently waiting to be used. Luckily, one of the condom boxes was his size; he would have cried if not, honestly. With a bottle of lube and a condom held in his hand, Naruto raced back to the bedroom and all but jumped onto the bed, throwing his blanket aside. “Got it!”
Gaara scoffed a little bit. “Congrats. Don’t jump on my bed.”
“Oh, hush.” Naruto settled between Gaara’s legs again and paused, looking up at him again. “Tell me if you want me to stop at all.”
Gaara nodded once and laid his head down, throwing an arm over his eyes, embarrassed all over again. “I will, I will.” He murmured.
Cute. Naruto had never imagined a flustered and embarrassed Gaara would be so cute. He grinned to himself and ripped open the condom wrapper, rolling it on as quickly as his eager and slightly trembling hands would allow him to. He poured a generous amount of lube into his palm and tossed the bottle to the side, coating his cock with the lube and shuddering a little as he stroked himself a few times, face burning hot as Gaara peeked out from under his arm to watch. Naruto met his gaze and winked at him and Gaara groaned in annoyance, covering his eyes with his arm again. Naruto chuckled a little.
“You were so cocky earlier, Gaara. What’s the matter? Too embarrassed now?” Naruto’s voice was almost a purr as he lined his cock up with Gaara’s hole, watching as Gaara shivered at his words. “What, can’t talk now?”
“You’re insufferable,” Gaara hissed, not moving his arm away from his eyes. Naruto was willing to bet money that Gaara was blushing even harder, more turned on by Naruto’s words than he would ever admit out loud.
Naruto chuckled again and shrugged his shoulders. “I may be insufferable but you’re still letting me fuck you, aren’t you?”
“You aren’t actually fucking me yet, to be fair.” Gaara pointed out, finally moving his arm away from his eyes to frown at him a little. “You’re mostly just talking.”
Okay, well yeah, he had a point there. Still, Naruto smirked a little. “Well, it would be rude of me to keep you waiting, wouldn’t it?”
He pressed his cock into Gaara slowly, drawing a gasp from the red head’s mouth. Already, it was hard for Naruto not to thrust his entire cock into him, to lose himself in how good it would feel to just fuck Gaara the damn bed broke. He wouldn’t, of course, because he just wasn’t like that and he was sure he’d never forgive himself if he accidentally hurt Gaara in any way. So he pressed his cock in slowly and listened to Gaara’s small little whines, the noises making his body hot all over.
He pressed his cock in until he had bottomed out entirely, letting out his own shuddering breath as he gripped Gaara’s hips, squeezing gently. Taking a breath, he glanced at Gaara and watched the way his lips trembled, watched his chest rise and fall as he took a few breaths to steady himself. Gaara’s eyes opened and met his and Naruto’s thumb stroked one of Gaara’s hips. “You alright?”
Gaara nodded and shifted a little bit. “Y-yeah.” He murmured. “You can move.”
Naruto had sort of wanted to give him a little more time to adjust to the feeling but Gaara wiggled his hips a little, a sure sign that he was fine for more. So, slowly, Naruto began to move. He gave small and shallow thrusts, small movements that made Gaara grunt softly every so often as his body slowly began to open up more around Naruto’s cock. Naruto moved one hand away from Gaara’s hips, gently stroking Gaara’s cock with each shallow thrust, earning him a louder noise from him, a sound that was more than a whine but a little less than a moan. Whatever the hell the noise was, it went straight to Naruto’s cock and made him groan softly. “Damn, Gaara…”
“Y-you can be faster,” Gaara breathed, lips parted a little as he took a deep breath. “I’m not made of glass; I won’t break.”
Naruto didn’t need to be told a second time. His next thrust knocked the air out of the both of them, ripping a gasp from Gaara’s lips as he pulled nearly all the way out and slammed back in with purpose. Gaara’s back arched slightly off the bed, his fists clenching in the blankets underneath him. Naruto did it again. And again. And again until they had a pace going, one that was fast, that had them both gasping out loud each time Naruto’s cock sank back inside of him. Naruto had let go of Gaara’s cock so he could grab both of his hips again, squeezing so hard he was sure there would be bruises left after.
He was far too excited to see how beautifully those bruises would show up on Gaara’s pale skin.
God, and the way Gaara’s moans sounded…
“Sounds like you’re enjoying yourself,” Naruto breathed, sliding a hand up Gaara’s body and towards his chest, stroking every inch of skin he could reach. “You’re being so loud. Does my cock feel good, Gaara?”
Gaara cracked an eye open and huffed a little but whatever argument he had planned died the second Naruto picked up the speed of his thrusts, shoving the air from Gaara’s lungs. Gaara nearly wailed, his legs locked tightly around Naruto’s hips. “Y-yes! It feels good. It f-feels so good, Naruto…!”
God, Naruto wanted to fuck him for the rest of his life. He wanted to pull out and flip him over so he could take him from behind, feel his back against his own chest as he slammed into him with all he had. There was a tidal wave of lewd images racing through his mind. Gaara in all sorts of positions, making all kinds of noises that Naruto wanted to steal away and keep for himself.
Neither of them would last long enough for any of that, though. Beides, he was never going to be able to hear Gaara’s voice and not think about the way his own name sounded when Gaara was moaning it like he was. Gaara’s voice saying his name had sounded so different these last few weeks but this was by far Naruto’s favorite; that breathy, desperate whine, like Naruto was the only one that could fill his every need.
Gaara reached up for him and Naruto obeyed, letting himself be pulled down into a messy kiss that was all teeth and tongue. Gaara was moaning into his mouth with each thrust, his fingers twisted into Naruto’s hair like he was worried Naruto would pull away if he didn’t hang on to him tightly. Naruto pulled away only to kiss and bite Gaara's neck. To leave however marks he could to see them later. Or everyone to see later. Gaara would blush when he saw them, would struggle to cover them but wouldn’t be able to.
“F-fuck…” Gaara arched up into him again, fingers carding through Naruto’s hair over and over again. He turned his head to the side, pressing it into the pillow, and let out a sharp and sudden moan when Naruto’s thrusts began to pick up the pace again, faster than before. “N-Naruto…I need more. P-Please…”
“Wow, I didn’t even have to tell you to use your manners.” Naruto murmured against his throat, smirking when Gaara whimpered softly. He pulled away, Gaara’s hands slipping from his hair, and sat up fully to watch how Gaara’s body jerked with every thrust of his hips. He smiled softly and wrapped his hand around Gaara’s cock again, stroking him in time with each thrust. Gaara nearly jerked off the bed as he gasped and Naruto’s grin widened. “Look at you, Gaara. So pretty like this. Begging for more like you just can’t get enough. Am I not fucking you good enough, Gaara? Or are you just greedy?”
Naruto had never really been like this during sex. He had never been the one to talk like this, to tease as he fucked someone within an inch of their life. He’d been a switch for his entire sexual history but he never had a strong dominant urge before. But with Gaara it came so naturally. It was that first kiss on Gaara’s couch that had sparked it to life. It had been the way Gaara pushed his hand up towards his throat that evening in Naruto’s room. Gaara made him want to devour him in a way he’d never felt before.
Gaara covered his face with his hands as his moans grew higher in pitch. “I-It just…it just feels good..!” He choked out. “S-shut up…”
“Is that any way to talk to the guy fucking your brains out?” Naruto asked him. He didn’t stop thrusting, though. He didn’t stop stroking Gaara’s cock, either. It was too fun watching Gaara scramble for a little sense and coherent words with Naruto touching him all over. “Are you close, Gaara? Is that why you’re so flustered?”
His only response was another choked moan, Gaara’s hands still covering his eyes. Well, that wouldn’t do at all, would it?
Naruto reached up with his other hand and pulled Gaara’s hands away from his face, making their eyes meet again. Under the pale blue lights, Gaara looked absolutely wrecked. His hair stuck up in several directions, his lips kiss swollen with a line of drool at the corner of his mouth. Fuck, if that was how wrecked he looked when Naruto didn’t have the patience to play around a little more, what would he look like if he did take his time? The thought alone had Naruto close, fighting off his orgasm because he’d be damned if he came before Gaara did.
Naruto kissed him again like his very life depended on it. Maybe it was the kiss or the particularly rough thrust of his hips but suddenly Gaara was cumming hard, warm cum spilling into Naruto's hand. Naruto swallowed up the shuddering moan that Gaara gave out as he came in the middle of their kiss, kissing it away like he could devour it. His own orgasm wasn’t too far behind, washing over him after just another four frantic thrusts. Naruto groaned softly, finally pulling away from the kiss to press his face into Gaara’s shoulder, a series of small, broken moans tumbling from his lips as he came harder than he had in…well, a while.
He collapsed on top of Gaara, shuddering, and the two of them caught their breaths together. Naruto’s own heart was beating so fast that he was worried it would give out, honestly, but in the best sort of way.
A soft pat on his bare side made Naruto grunt. Gaara huffed softly, “You’re heavy.”
“Deal with it.” Naruto murmured into Gaara’s shoulder, pressing a lazy kiss to the pale skin there. “I’m comfy.”
Gaara sighed softly but didn’t make another attempt to move him, instead lazily looping his arms around Naruto. It was warm. Now that it was out of his system, Naruto felt better. Like he could think a little more clearly. He didn’t want to dwell on his crush on Gaara, of course, because that was just too much to deal with right now. However, he did feel better about their entire day, now that he thought about it. The trip to Rasa’s had been miserable and Naruto was worried Gaara wouldn’t recover. His own brain wouldn’t let him recover, either, if Gaara couldn’t. But Gaara was calm now, too, and had assured Naruto even before this that Naruto had helped him.
Gaara had grown up having no one but his brother and sister to lean on. He’d expected, now that he was older, to have to deal with his messy feelings on his own, keeping them to himself so he could try and understand them without hurting anyone else. Naruto understood that. It was how Gaara coped with the way he had grown up and no one could fault him for it. But Naruto was here for him. As crazy as it was, Naruto was here for him.
Naruto finally moved, sitting up so he could slowly pull out of Gaara, making the other huff softly at him. “Hush.” He chuckled a little as he made quick work of the condom, tying it off and tossing it into Gaara’s trash bin before he laid next to him properly, an arm sliding underneath of Gaara so he could pull him flush against him. Gaara didn’t complain, relaxing into Naruto’s hold. Naruto cracked another small smile. “You know, you didn’t strike me as the cuddling type.”
“I’m usually not,” Gaara murmured, pressing his face into Naruto’s neck. “But it feels nice after sex.”
Naruto thought idly about Sasuke, about how he, too, had done this with Gaara just like he had. It sort of left a bad taste in his mouth to think about it but it wasn’t like he was jealous. It was a long time ago, after all, and Naruto wasn’t about to be jealous about Gaara genuinely enjoying feeling good with someone else. But the idea of it being someone else was what left a bad taste in his mouth. Not that it was Sasuke. It just felt so wrong to think about anyone else seeing Gaara like this, feeling his hands on their skin or kissing his lips.
Naruto had to fight back a sigh; he had no right to be jealous. It wasn’t like Gaara was his real boyfriend. He knew that. Hell, it had been his idea in the first place. But what would happen after they staged their break up? They’d still be friends, sure, but what the hell was Naruto going to do if he still had this crush? What was he going to do when he and Gaara broke up but were still good friends? What was he going to do if Gaara ever started dating someone else?
Gaara shifted a little and yawned, long and loud. He nuzzled into Naruto a little more, lips brushing the skin of Naruto’s neck as he spoke. “Go to sleep.”
“Bossy,” Naruto mumbled softly as he pulled the blanket up over the both of them. “I’ll sleep. Goodnight, Gaara.”
Naruto didn’t fall asleep right away, though. Gaara did, which was a surprise, but Naruto found himself staring up at the ceiling with Gaara curled up next to him. It was a feeling he could get used to. It was a feeling he absolutely should not want to get used to.
God, leave it to him to fuck himself over with his own stupid plan.
Sunday, December 17th 8:20 a.m.
The sound of muffled voices woke Naruto up and he stretched slowly, yawning. He had turned onto his stomach sometime during the night and he rolled over onto his side, met with the sight of Gaara’s bare back facing him. Instantly, the images of the previous night rushed through his mind and Naruto blushed a little, reaching out to gently run his fingertips along Gaara’s naked side and hip where the blanket had slipped down in his sleep.
Gaara huffed softly, shifting a little bit. “Stop. Tickles.” He grunted, sounding like he was more asleep than awake.
Naruto smiled a little and pulled Gaara closer, pressing his lips to the back of Gaara’s bare shoulder. “Cranky, huh?” That wasn’t much of a surprise; Gaara definitely never struck him as a morning person.
Gaara grunted again, hand reaching out and blindly grabbing for the blanket, yanking it up and over his head. “Yes. Be quiet.”
“I think your siblings are back,” Naruto told him, carefully pulling the blanket back off of his head. Gaara huffed again and shot a tired glare over his shoulder, eyes barely open. Naruto smiled brightly at him. “I can hear them. I think they’re in the kitchen.”
He was pretty sure Kiba and Shikamaru were here too; he could hear Kiba’s loud ass laugh. He slowly sat up and ran a hand through his hair, watching as Gaara stretched out lazily, reminding him of a cat. Gaara pushed himself up, sitting up as well, and blinked a few times, trying to chase away the sleep. There was morning sunlight pouring in through the slightly parted curtains, just enough for Naruto to see the absolute mess of hickies that stained Gaara’s neck and chest and even lower. He blushed hard and snorted softly, covering his mouth to hide it when Gaara glanced at him. “Sorry. Just…I didn’t realize how many marks I left on you.”
Gaara’s gaze narrowed a little and he leaned past Naruto to snatch his phone off his nightstand. Naruto watched him use his phone’s camera app to examine himself, unable to stop his smug grin when Gaara’s eyes widened almost comically wide. Gaara’s head whipped to the side to face him and he scoffed, pale face flushing pink. “It looks like you mauled me, Naruto.”
“I guess I sorta did.” Naruto mused, reaching out to press a finger into a rather large one on Gaara’s neck, earning him a small hiss and a slap to his hand.
Gaara scowled softly without any real heat to his expression. “It's sensitive.”
“I know.” Naruto smirked a little bit, amused by the way Gaara’s blush deepened. “You like it, anyway.”
“You’re terrible.”
“And you aren’t denying it!” Naruto sang softly as he slid out of the bed, stretching. His body was a little sore, mostly his hips, but there were a few tender spots on his own neck from Gaara’s own teeth that were a bit tender this morning. Not that he minded at all. He had always sort of liked feeling the small aches that came with great sex.
Hunting his clothes down was a bit of a task. In their little frenzy last night they had both flung their clothes in all directions. His shirt had landed next to the bed, thankfully, but he had found his boxers across the room by the closet door and his sweats dangling over the edge of Gaara’s basket of dirty clothes near the bedroom door. He pulled them on as he found them and Gaara slowly pulled his on as well, yawning here and there. Though, despite the yawning, he actually looked like he had slept well. There was an alertness to his eyes that usually wasn’t there when he was dealing with his normal kind of tiredness. Hell, maybe Naruto had fucked him so good he had slept well.
At least one of them had. Naruto had been far too awake for far longer than he would have liked. It was his own fault, of course. He had been too in his head about…well, Gaara, mostly. Instead of staying awake seething over him like he had in highschool, Naruto had instead been wide awake pining and feeling so guilty about it that he could have puked. God, this was so not how any of this was supposed to go and he didn’t even have anyone to talk it through with!
…Well, maybe he did…
“Are you alright?” Gaara was suddenly right in front of him, making Naruto jerk back in surprise. Gaara cocked his head to the side, frowning softly. “You were staring into space. You looked sort of dumb.”
Naruto rolled his eyes. “Is that any way to talk to your charming boyfriend that absolutely rocked your world last night?” He asked as he took Gaara’s hand in his own, tugging him towards the door.
Gaara laughed a little bit as he followed. “Don’t get cocky, Naruto. You’re already full of yourself as it is.”
“Hey,” Naruto opened the bedroom door and looked back at him with a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Considering your track record with feeling good in general, it is an absolute win and a brag that I did that to you last night. You didn’t hear how you sounded, thank you very much.”
The blush was creeping back onto Gaara’s face as he glanced aside, looking like he wanted to argue but couldn’t think of any way to do so. So he scoffed again and shot Naruto a small smirk of his own. “I can’t argue with you. It…was really good, actually.”
Better than Sasuke? Better than any sort of imaginary scenario you could have come up with in your head? Naruto wanted to ask these probing, inappropriate questions but he knew he shouldn’t. He had had sex with Sasuke as well, anyway, and didn’t want to try and compare his own skill to the same dude that had given him some of the most mind blowing orgasms of his life. Besides, he had no business prying into such an intimate part of Gaara’s life like that. Not right now, at least, when it would make the energy weird between them. Sex was such a hard topic with Gaara to begin with and the last thing Naruto wanted to do was make him feel awkward or god forbid, obligated to answer any of Naruto’s prying, jealous questions.
Jealous. God, that was such an ugly feeling and he knew it! He hated it! This was the absolute worst part about having a crush.
The two of them made their way to the kitchen, hand in hand. Just as Naruto had suspected, Kiba and Shikamaru were there, the both of them leaning back against the counter with bowls of cereal in their hands. Kankuro was at the sink washing a bowl that must have been his own and when they walked in he looked over at them, taking one look at Gaara before he burst out laughing. “Looks like you two had a long night, huh?” He teased.
Gaara scowled in his direction, letting go of Naruto’s hand as he made his way to the fridge, being sure to kick his brother in the leg on his way. “Shut up. Where’s Temari?”
Naruto didn’t notice it until now, but yeah, Temari actually wasn’t anywhere to be seen. He frowned a little and glanced at Shikamaru. They made eye contact and Shikamaru offered a tired shrug of his shoulders, answering in Kankuro’s place, “She’s in her room. Isn’t feeling too hot this morning.”
They didn’t need any more explanation than that, honestly. After everything she had shouted at Rasa the previous evening, she must have been emotionally exhausted, much like her brothers had probably been. He was sure that Gaara would be a little stressed about it, though. Not that there was any way to avoid that. The siblings could deal with their own troubles in the safety of their own home, though, and he knew that. It might take them some time, especially Gaara, but he was pretty sure the three of them would be able to work past the nasty feelings their dad had brought out in them. He had an annoying urge to stick around and make sure, of course, but it wasn’t his place to start sticking his nose into the intricate dynamic between the three.
“Naruto, are you staying long today?” Kankuro shut off the sink, drying his hands on his purple t-shirt.
Naruto shook his head, watching Gaara pull out some creamer from the fridge and veer towards the coffee pot that was on. He looked back at Kankuro. “I have some errands to run today, actually, and some stuff for the school to make sure I have done before tonight.”
Kankuro nodded and yawned a bit, looking towards Gaara. “You can have whatever coffee is left in the pot, Gaara. We’ve had our fill and the last thing Shikamaru needs is a third cup.”
Shikamaru shook his head with a sigh, taking his cereal bowl to the sink, shoving Kankuro out of the way playfully. “I don’t think two cups of coffee is nearly enough for me today.”
“Long night for you, too?” Naruto asked as he leaned back against the kitchen wall, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his borrowed sweats.
Shikamaru sighed as he started washing his bowl. “Yes, though probably not for the same reason as you.”
“At least someone had sex last night.” Kiba chimed in with a shrug, shoveling a spoonful of colorful cereal into his mouth. “The rest of us were either emotionally compromised or dealing with a beloved partner that was emotionally compromised.” He glanced towards Kankuro who smiled at him gratefully; there had definitely been an emotional blow out there, too.
“I was emotionally compromised as well,” Gaara murmured, mixing creamer into his coffee before sliding the now empty coffee pot back in its place. He turned to face them as he took a sip from his cup. “Naruto is just very good at distracting me from my emotional outbursts.”
“Disgusting.” Kankuro gagged a little bit, looking away from Gaara with a huff. “I really don't need to know the details. The hickies are enough.”
“Is that what they are?” Shikamaru mused as he glanced at Gaara, chuckling. “I thought an animal mauled him. Like Shukaku or something.”
Gaara shot a look in Naruto’s direction. “I told you!”
“Stop complaining.” Naruto snorted. “You liked it. A lot, actually.” He had also liked it a lot, of course, but he didn’t need to say that part out loud. Gaara knew that anyway from the way Naruto had nearly devoured him whole. Gaara just…made Naruto feel a little insane when it came to touching him and kissing him.
“My ears!” Kankuro slapped his hands over his ears with a whine, shuffling out of the kitchen. “You two are so gross!”
Gaara rolled his eyes, rather dramatically actually, and looked at Kiba with a small frown. “He acts like I haven’t walked in on you two at least once a month for years, now.”
“Hey, cut him some slack.” Kiba laughed as he finished his cereal, taking his bowl to the sink. He bumped Shikamaru out of the way with his hip so he could wash it. “You’re his baby brother! It’s pretty wild for him to see you dating someone and having sex. You should have heard him that night we all walked in on you two on the couch; he wanted to give you the safe sex talk, dude.”
“Dear God,” Gaara murmured into his cup. “I would have to kill myself, honestly. I’m not talking to either of my siblings about that.”
“Temari was thinking about it, too.” Shikamaru admitted thoughtfully. “But she didn’t want to embarrass you.”
“Kankuro absolutely wanted to embarrass you.” Kiba cackled loudly. “It was his right as a big brother, I believe is what he said.”
Gaara rolled his eyes as he walked out of the kitchen, Naruto pushing off the wall and following him back to the bedroom. Gaara sat himself down on the bed and took another sip of his coffee, looking up at Naruto who stood beside the bed looking down at him. “Are you leaving?”
“I probably should.” Naruto didn’t want to leave. That was the problem. He wanted to crawl back into the bed and just spend the entire day at Gaara’s side, watching how he spent his free time and what he liked to do. He couldn’t do that, though, because he needed to talk about what he was feeling before he just…exploded. “I’ll text you later though, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Gaara assured with a small smile. “Drive safe. The rain is gone by now, I’d imagine. I didn’t hear any when we woke up.”
“I will.” He didn’t bother changing but he did snag his phone and clothes from the day before, giving Gaara another quick smile before he made his way out of the house before anyone else could stop him. Before he could convince himself to kiss him goodbye like he had in the past when he was mostly joking.
The moment he was alone in his car he deflated, almost melting into his seat as his hands covered his face to muffle the loud groan that he let out. Every single moment from the night before was on repeat in his head. Gaara crying in his arms. Gaara laughing on the couch. Gaara moaning his name, naked and desperate. Fuck, he was so into him. He wasn’t supposed to let this happen. As much as he had wanted to spend the whole day with Gaara he knew that if he wasn’t careful, his feelings would pour out of him endlessly and it would just make everyone uncomfortable. That wasn’t what Gaara needed, especially not after the disaster at Rasa’s.
Narut0 was going to talk to someone about this and fuck, Gaara was going to kill him for it.
9:30 a.m.
Sasuke was seated at his desk when Naruto pushed through the bedroom door, music playing lightly from his computer as he sketched away in a sketchbook. His head lifted just a bit at the sound of Naruto entering and he glanced over his shoulder. “Deidara let you in?”
“Obviously,” Naruto muttered, closing the bedroom door behind himself. He walked over and flopped onto the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. “I need to talk to you, man.”
Sasuke immediately set his pencil down, turning his chair to fully face Naruto, a look of mild concern on his face. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah. Well…yeah, I guess so.” Naruto frowned a little, feeling hot all over with Sasuke’s worried gaze on him. He dropped his hands to his lap and glanced towards the TV, some superhero movie muted.
“Okay…?” Sasuke said slowly, frowning when Naruto looked back at him. “Then what is it?” He crossed one leg over the other, staring at him like he was trying to pick him apart to figure out what was bothering him. Sasuke had always been good at knowing when Naruto wasn’t feeling okay, despite their rocky past. He always had the same look on his face when Naruto was trying to talk to him about something; like he was trying to figure it out without being told. There was no way he would guess this, though. This was so far out of left field that Naruto was pretty sure Sasuke would be left floundering for any sort of common sense at all.
Naruto took a deep breath. “Gaara and I had sex.”
The concerned look on Sasuke’s face melded into one of mild annoyance. He grimaced a bit, crossing his arms. “Naruto, we don’t have to tell each other the details of our sex lives. We’ve talked about this before. A dozen times.”
“No, you don’t get it.” Naruto stressed, falling onto his back on the bed. He stared up at the ceiling, his stomach in knots. God, Gaara was going to skin him alive for this. He’d skin him and kill him and Naruto wouldn’t even be able to be upset about it. He sat back up and took another deep breath, trying to calm down his stomach and his rapid heart and everything else. “This was the first time we’ve had sex.”
Sasuke frowned in confusion, like Naruto had just told him the sky was green and grass was blue. “What are you talking about? You two hooked up at that halloween party.” He retorted with a small scoff, as Naruto was a fool to forget.
“No,” Naruto shook his head slowly. “We didn’t.”
Sasuke blinked at him, slowly leaning forward in his computer chair. “But that’s how you two started dating. You literally told me that to my face.”
“That’s the thing,” Naruto murmured, biting his lip anxiously. “We aren’t dating. Not…for real. It’s fake. We’re uh, fake dating.”
Naruto had never seen this expression on Sasuke’s face before. It sort of looked like his brain was rebooting. He stared at Naruto blankly for what felt like an eternity before he blinked again, head cocking to the side. “Explain.”
There was no way to make this whole situation not sound stupid. It was stupid. Naruto knew that. Suggesting they fake date was stupid and now coming here to Sasuke to confess that he had caught feelings for his fake boyfriend was stupid. So fucking stupid. “We never slept together at that party. Sakura just walked in and caught us in a weird position and jumped to conclusions. We knew she was going to tell everyone that she thought we had sex and we were both just so fed up with everyone thinking we secretly wanted to fuck and didn’t hate each other for perfectly valid reasons.”
It had been frustrating. Maybe a little more for Gaara, sure, but it had annoyed Naruto as well. No one liked having their feelings overlooked and no one liked when other people thought they knew what was best for them. Even when they were at their most volatile in highschool their friends had whispered about it, wondering if their hate was just misplaced lust and it was just so frustrating being a teenager and a young adult and never having your feelings taken seriously. Gaara had agreed with him.
“So I…sort of suggested we fake date.” Naruto sighed. “And have a messy break up a few months down the line to prove once and for all that we can hate each other in peace without everyone thinking they know better.”
“That is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me and you have said many, many stupid things to me.” Sasuke stated bluntly, a look of pure shock on his face. “And Gaara agreed to it?”
“I was surprised as well,” Naruto nodded. “But…he was really tired of it, Sasuke. Of people thinking they knew his feelings better than he did. So yeah, he agreed, and we fought like crazy for the first few weeks. But…”
“But you two…started to get along.” Sasuke murmured slowly, nodding along. “You two are actually friends, aren’t you?”
“Yeah and it’s honestly…really great.” Naruto pulled one of Sasuke’s pillows into his arms, hugging it to himself. “I really like being his friend which is why it’s super unfortunate that I think I have romantic feelings for him.”
“Oh my god,” Sasuke whispered, rubbing at his own face in exasperation. He dropped his hands to his lap with a scoff of disbelief. “It’s like a fucking rom-com movie. Naruto, you know how idiotic this sounds. Oh my god, Naruto. Oh my-”
“I know that, asshole.” Naruto sneered at him, hugging the pillow tightly. “That’s why I came here to talk to you about it! I’m freaking out, man! I thought I could ignore it but then we had sex and I really, really don’t think I can ignore it anymore.”
And here he had been the one telling Gaara that casual sex would be good for them.
“Naruto, I’m saying this as nicely as I can,” Sasuke spoke slowly, scooting his chair closer so he could reach out and set a hand on Naruto’s knee. “You fall in love with people all the time. That’s how you are. You and Gaara have been close and acting like a couple for a while; it makes sense that you would start thinking you’re feeling…what you’re feeling. But you really need to think about this. Hard.”
Naruto wanted to argue but Sasuke had a point; while Naruto hadn’t dated in a long time, he was prone to crushes far too easily. Everyone knew that about him. “But what if I really do like him?”
Sasuke sighed, slumping back in his chair. “I don’t know, Naruto, but…” He hesitated, a frown on his lips. The sort of frown he wore when he, too, was overthinking things. “The two of you could get really hurt if you try to dive into something without thinking about it. This stupid idea of yours is only going to make it harder for you to think clearly about it. Gaara is…I don’t have to tell you how he is, you already know. And you mean well, Naruto, you always do, but sometimes you jump into things without thinking them through. I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt.”
Sasuke knew both of them better than anyone else. He had a point. Gaara didn’t trust people often or easily and he had come so far, had trusted Naruto with so much. The last thing Naruto wanted to do was ruin that or make him uncomfortable. But he didn’t think these feelings were just a small crush.
“Sasuke,” He bit his lip again, unable to meet Sasuke’s gaze. “It feels the same way it did when I realized I had feelings for you.”
Sasuke said nothing and, for once, Naruto was glad. Admitting it to himself was easy. Admitting it to someone else, out loud, made him want to crawl into a hole and die. God, this was so embarrassing.
Sasuke stood up and came to sit next to him on the bed, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. “Please, just take the time to think about it. I don’t want to see you get your feelings hurt but I also don’t…want to see Gaara lose a friend. As idiotic as this whole thing is…I really think you’ve been good for him. He just seems different. Like you can do something for him that no one else can.”
He knew Sasuke was right. It wasn’t like Naruto would impulsively jump at the chance to confess anything to Gaara because he honestly wasn’t sure what he was feeling yet, but he was prone to moments of poor decision making. The worst thing for Naruto, though, was sitting with his feelings and that was exactly what he was supposed to do right now. He’d have to sit and think about it, let it fester and stew and that was exactly what he despised doing.
“Of course, you two need to stop this fake dating shit, too, while you’re at it.”
Naruto jerked away from Sasuke with a frown. “What? Why?”
Sasuke looked at him like he was an idiot, blinking at him a few times. “Because how the hell are you going to sit and think about how you really feel when you’re constantly in couple mode?”
“I’m a great multitasker.” Naruto stated proudly. Which was a total lie and they both knew it. Sasuke’s expression didn’t change and Naruto deflated a little bit. “I can’t just call it off out of nowhere. Especially after yesterday! What would I even say to him?”
Sasuke sighed and shrugged his shoulders as he stood up, going back to his computer chair and sitting back down. “I don’t know. That’s sort of your problem to deal with but you aren’t going to be able to think clearly or figure this out if you’re constantly acting like you two are in love. Plus, it’s just sort of a shitty thing to do to everyone.”
Naruto rolled his eyes, tossing the pillow aside. “Like you’re one to talk about doing shitty things to people.” He mumbled.
“You came to me for advice, didn’t you?” Sasuke snapped, that familiar tone of annoyance slowly seeping into his voice as he glared at him. It had been a low blow for Naruto to say that, sure, but even he wasn’t immune to moments of petty irritation. But honestly, Naruto hated when he was wrong and people were right. Rather, he hated when Sasuke was right. “Naruto, I’m not saying this to be mean. You’re lying to everybody. Your parents, your friends, Gaara’s brother and sister…it’s sort of fucked up.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.” Naruto muttered, glancing away again. “They’ll never find out. We’ll just break up and it’ll be fine.”
Sasuke sighed, annoyed. “Don’t you feel a little bad about it?”
“Of course I do,” Naruto turned back to him, exasperated as his shoulders slumped a little. “We both feel bad about it but…there’s a principle to stick to! Everyone’s been trying to rewrite our feelings with what they want it to be and we’re sick of it.”
“Then why didn’t you just say that to them, dude?” Sasuke threw his hands up in frustration, pausing to take a breath and calm himself down. He glanced towards the bedroom door like he was worried Itachi or Deidara would hear. “You know that if you had just…sat down with Sakura and told her how you really felt she would have dropped it. They all would. You know that, Naruto. They would never actually mean to make you feel bad on purpose.”
“You think I never did that?” Naruto spat back at him. “I’ve told them for years. I’ve had sit downs with Sakura a dozen times, man, and it’s always the same bullshit. They never listen. At least if we do it this way everyone is going to have actual proof that we didn’t work out and we can go back to how it was.”
“But it won’t ever be the way it was!” Sasuke told him, frowning softly. “You guys can’t go back to hating each other. I mean, you guys are so close. And if you think you’re feeling this way and it ends up being genuine, then what? You’re going to pine after him in silence? You’re going to try and win him over just to date him for real?”
“Maybe! I don’t know, Sasuke.” Naruto stood up from the bed and started pacing: Back and forth. Back and forth. Arms crossed. “I haven’t thought about all of that right now but…would it be so bad if I really did have feelings for him? If I wanted to date him for real?”
Sasuke didn’t reply right away. Naruto really wanted to hear his answer despite how their conversation had been going and despite both of their clear irritations. If there was anyone who would have an opinion worth listening to about this particular topic, it was Sasuke. He didn;t sugar coat anything with either of them and Naruto knew he’d be honest even if he didn’t want to be.
“I think,” Sasuke began slowly, turning his chair back around to face his sketchbook, picking his pencil back up. “That if you both can get your shit together, you might be a good couple for real. But both of you have baggage, Naruto. Not just you. If you two can figure your shit out…then who knows? I thought you were a good couple before you came clean so I think it's safe to say you can do it for real. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think very very carefully about everything. Especially ending the fake relationship.”
Naruto sat back down on the bed, crawling up to the pillows and collapsing, face pressed into one. There was too much going on in his head. Honestly, talking to Sakura or even Shikamaru would have helped, too. Sasuke was great, of course, and Naruto valued his opinion but having others’ opinions helped, too. Sasuke, Sakura, and Shikamaru never cut corners with their advice. Though honestly he was sure Sakura and Shikamaru would have the exact same advice as Sasuke. It wasn’t bad advice. It was honestly probably the exact thing Naruto needed to hear and needed to listen to.
How could he call everything off, though? He couldn’t tell Gaara how he was feeling and risk making everything weird. But he couldn’t just say nothing and leave Gaara in the dark, either.
He could handle facing his feelings while keeping up their little masks. It wasn’t like he and Gaara were glued at the hip or anything; he could dissect his feelings when he was alone, even if Sasuke didn’t think so. And hell, if he found out that his feelings were genuine then the next task was simple.
Make Gaara fall for him as well.
Notes:
Now don't you worry; This will not be the last of Rasa and Mei. They will return. Anyway, i hope you enjoyed it. I rewrote so many parts of this because it just never seemed to flow well together but I think I'm mostly okay with how this turned out.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy future chapters! You can follow me on Tumblr .
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Chapter 7
Notes:
Welcome back! I'm sorry for the long wait but it is here!
Be warned, I did very little editing to this near the end. Editing is my least favorite thing to do because, at the end of the day, it is always so, so easy to miss your own typos. So, feel free to shoot me a message about any typos you find!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Monday, December 18th, 7:35 p.m.
Temari was avoiding him. That was fine because if Gaara had to be totally honest, he was also sort of avoiding her, too. It wasn’t that he meant to to begin with but it had just sort of happened. Temari had stayed in her room the entire day yesterday, though Gaara had heard her shuffling to the kitchen sometime in the middle of the night. He knew she had been actively avoiding both him and Kankuro yesterday which was fine; Gaara had been feeling loads better due to his and Naruto’s…intimate interactions the night before. It had been two days since they had seen their dad, though, and Temari had yet to even speak to him or share the same room with him.
Temari was going through a lot and he knew that. That blow up at their dad’s had left all three of them reeling, but Gaara knew that Temari was just as bad with her feelings as he was sometimes. He knew she was probably just thinking things through in her own way. She was probably embarrassed and miserable and didn’t want to face them. But being ignored never worked well for either of her brothers and Gaara had caught sight of Kankuro dipping into Temari’s room earlier that afternoon for what he assumed was a long, heartfelt conversation about…everything.
He knew he had to do that, too. He needed to talk to her. He just didn’t want to push his sister if she wasn’t ready. Kankuro would shove his way into anyone’s space to talk things out because silence scared him. Gaara knew silence a little better and he knew when someone needed space. Hell, if Naruto hadn’t been there at his side at his dad’s house, Gaara would probably also already be locked up in his bedroom with all the lights off, waiting for the void to consume him.
It was shocking how much having Naruto there had helped him. He had meant it when he told Naruto that he calmed him. He calmed him down a lot, actually, and it was so bizarre. Before, any sort of interaction with his father would have left Gaara mute and furious for days, but in mere hours Naruto had been able to ease his rage and frustration and replace it with a simple sense of ease, of calm and content that never used to come so quickly to him. Gaara didn’t think about it too much; Naruto was just a comforting person to be around, he had quickly found out.
What had really thrown him off about that night, though, had been the sex. Naruto’s hesitation with it stemming from him not wanting to push Gaara while he was emotionally compromised had made Gaara feel all warm inside. Like he was cared about. It had actually felt a little liberating to channel all of his messy feelings into something intimate like that. It had been really nice to just let go and let Naruto take care of him…even if that meant screwing the life out of him.
Gaara was trying to not be embarrassed about it. He’d spent most of yesterday thinking about it, trying to will his body to not get hard at the memory, and mostly just feeling a little proud of himself for knowing what he wanted and for knowing that what he wanted would actually help him feel better. Once upon a time, a bad and terrible day would mean punching a wall or, if he was lucky, drinking himself into a coma for a night. It was really nice to have another body there with him and to have kind and warm hands touching him, assuring him that he was alright.
Even if it was Naruto. Hell, it might have been so good because it was Naruto. Naruto was an attentive partner and a damn gracious one; he’d given Gaara everything he wanted and then more.
So yeah, Gaara hadn’t spent too much time yesterday focused on his sister’s emotional state. She wanted to be alone, after all, and he wasn’t going to push it.
This was day two, nearing a third, and he was finally letting himself be a bit worried. Which was why he was standing in front of Temari’s bedroom door, frowning softly to himself. He wasn’t often faced with anxiety when it came to facing his sister. How could he when she had been the only mother he had ever known? How could he when she had always loved him without wavering even in the face of his own rage induced stupidity? He was anxious now, something that was so rare when it involved his sister, because he just was so bad at having heartfelt talks with anyone, let alone his own brother and sister.
He’d be damned if he let them ignore each other for a day longer, though. Neither of them deserved to feel like they had to walk on eggshells around each other because of an argument that their dad had caused in the first place.
Gaara knocked on the door before opening it slightly, peeking in.Temari was sitting up in her bed, wearing that old ass sweater of Shikamaru’s again, with her hair down and some cheesy ghost hunting show playing on the Tv as she filed her nails. She looked over and met his gaze, looking a little surprised as she set the nail file down on her bedside table. “Hey, Gaara.”
“Hey.” Gaara stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind himself. “Are you busy? I…wanted to talk.”
“I’m not busy at all.” Temari sat up a little more and reached for the Tv remote, turning it down a few levels as Gaara shuffled over and sat down on the bed. She looked over at him, a small and tired-looking smile on her lips. “What’s up?”
Gaara glanced at the Tv, instantly knowing exactly which season and episode it was, that was how much he himself had watched the lame show. He frowned softly and leaned back against the headboard of Temari’s bed. “You’ve been avoiding us. Which is fine. I’ve sort of been avoiding you, too, but I figured we should talk about it before it starts to get awkward.” Tense. Awkward. Uncomfortable.
Temari sighed softly, falling back against the headboard as well. “...Yeah, I have been avoiding you guys. I didn’t mean to. I just…I was nervous to face either of you after what happened at dad’s.”
Which Gaara had already known. “I’m not…mad about what you said, Temari.” He looked at her. “I didn’t mean to make you think that I was-”
“You didn’t.” Temari cut him off gently, shaking her head. She drummed her fingers on her thigh, frowning softly. “I would understand if you were mad, though. Even if you’re not mad at me, I’m mad at me. I shouldn’t…” Her jaw clenched for a moment before relaxing. “I shouldn’t have said all of that the way I did. I just got so angry and I’ve…never been one to let my anger get the best of me.”
Gaara was far too familiar with the ways anger could make you lash out. Temari had never been one to lash out, of course. She internalized everything more than Gaara and Kankuro ever did. She’d yell and she was irritated at least forty percent of the time but she was never angry. And when she had yelled it was never real yelling. It was loud talking, if anything, to get her point across. Even when Gaara had been at his absolute worst and was constantly fighting with both her and Kankuro, Temari had never yelled at him the way she had their father. It was a needed release, though. Temari and Kankuro had such complicated feelings towards their father, the both of them still grappling with the fact that the kind and caring father they had in their early years had become so volatile and cruel. Temari, especially, had preferred to handle everything on her own and get her brothers out of there with the least amount of conflict possible.
Where Kankuro had made himself comfortable with putting himself in the middle of their father’s rage, Temari had made herself comfortable skirting around it whenever she could. The older she got and the busier her multiple jobs had kept her, the less of a target she had become for their father. He couldn’t scream and hit a daughter he rarely saw, after all.
“I don’t think you should feel bad,” Gaara told her after a moment, idly picking at the blankets bunched up between them. “You were only being honest. Temari, there was never once a time where I thought you had asked for him to dump us on you like that. I’m not…upset that you said you never asked for it.”
He was just reminded of his own awful behavior. He was just reminded that his brother and sister had risked everything for him, again and again, and in his foolish youth he had only made their lives harder.
“I still feel terrible for saying it.” Temari reached out and gently set her hand on his, squeezing it gently. “...I never regretted it, you know. Not a single minute. Not when I was wiping Kankuro’s nose when he was sick and not when I was buying you new clothes for school every year. I never regretted a single second.”
“I know that.” He turned his hand over so he could hold hers properly, squeezing it back. “But…it’s okay if you do resent us a little. Especially me. I…” It was harder to say this to her than it had been with Naruto. “I wasn’t…the best brother for a while. It’s alright if you did resent-”
“Gaara.” Temari turned her body to face him, her hands coming up to gently cup his cheeks. It made his eyes widen and he tensed up on reflex, taking a deep breath to force himself to relax as he looked into his sister’s eyes. She looked intense like this, and maybe a little desperate. “It doesn’t matter that we fought a lot when we were all out of that house. What mattered was that we were together and you were safe. That was all I ever cared about. All three of us had our issues and we dealt with them. I never for a single second resented either of you. Never .”
Gaara would have torn his gaze away if Temari hadn’t been holding him. It wasn’t that her touch was too rough or hard; it was actually very tender. It was how he had always imagined a mother’s touch to feel. He did blink away the feeling of tears in his eyes and he gave a small nod, clearing his throat as he finally let his eyes dart away. “...I guess I just feel bad for being so difficult.”
“Gaara, it would have been really weird if you hadn’t been a little rough around the edges.” Temari let her hands fall away from his face and into her own lap, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “I expected friction. I mean, Kankuro and I fought really bad the first few months after he moved in with me, honestly. I think there was a time where we were arguing almost every single day. Considering our dad and how we grew up…I knew we’d have issues. But I also knew we’d get through it because you’re my little brothers; I wanted you safe and healthy above anything else. I mean, look at us now, right?”
She had a point. All three of them had been wounded children, finally free to live. It had been hard. Damn, it had been really hard. There had been so much fighting and so much rage that felt too familiar to let go of. But despite the rage of it all…they had all grown to become such different people. They were happy. They had lives that they could be proud of and that they enjoyed. They had friends. Hell, they had a cat!
If you had asked this fourteen-year-old self if he could imagine a world where he was happy like this, he would have laughed at the thought.
Gaara smiled a little bit. “I love you, Temari. I just…hope you know that.”
It wasn’t like they never said it. They were the type of people that said it through their actions more than anything else. That didn’t mean they never said it. That didn’t mean it didn’t still mean the world to hear it and to say it.
Temari’s smile softened and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Gaara’s forehead. “I love you, too, Gaara.”
Gaara may not have had a mother growing up but he did have Temari. She was his sister. His mother. His friend. One of the few people he would trust with his life over and over again.
“I assume you talked to Kankuro already?” He asked her as he relaxed. “I saw him come in here a while ago.”
Temari nodded and turned back around, leaning back against her headboard and looking at the Tv. “Yeah, he didn’t want to let everything sit, either. We had a whole heart to heart and all that. He totally cried.” She winked at him playfully. “I would have talked to you guys soon, but I guess I’m glad you guys took the initiative.”
“Well, Kankuro and I don’t like being ignored,” Gaara settled into the bed more, pulling the blankets up and over himself. He looked towards the Tv. “Oh, god. This is the episode where they’re in that haunted ski resort. This one is so cheesy.” Every ghost hunting show was pretty cheesy, though.
Temari laughed a little. “You watch this too much if you can tell that from just looking at the Tv that quickly; this episode just started while we were talking.”
Gaara shrugged his shoulders. “I’m an expert at paranormal media, Temari. What did you expect? Now hush and watch these grown men scream at their own shadows.”
Wednesday, December 20th, 10:00 a.m.
Sasuke dropped his bag onto the top of his work desk loudly, making Gaara glance over from his own computer to look towards him. “Good morning.” He murmured, looking back at his computer, eyes tracing the shapes of the tattoo he was working on.
“Morning.” Sasuke replied. His voice was coming closer, meaning he was walking towards him. He felt Sasuke stop behind his chair but didn’t think much of it. He and Hinata both liked to pause and admire Gaara’s work. Hinata wasn’t here and wouldn’t be for a few more hours but Gaara kinda wished she was; she’d like this bat he was designing. Sasuke cleared his throat after a second. “I knew Naruto was an idiot, you know. I just never thought you’d ever fall to the same level of stupidity as him.”
Gaara immediately jerked in surprise, spinning his chair around and looking up at Sasuke with both confusion and, honestly, mild annoyance. He scoffed, cocking his head to the side. “Uh, what?”
Sasuke looked down at him, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. He glanced over his shoulder as if he were making sure they were alone in the shop, which they were save for Konan far away at the desk, and then he looked back at Gaara. “I had an interesting conversation with Naruto on Sunday. He told me that you two had sex which I didn’t need to hear, honestly.” He grimaced a bit. “But he also told me about your little…situation.”
“Situation.” Gaara repeated slowly, frowning. What the hell was Sasuke talking about? What situation?
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Okay, dramatic. “How you two aren’t actually dating.”
Son of a bitch.
Gaara glanced in the direction of the front desk. Konan was in her own little world, speaking into the shop phone. Thank god. He looked back at Sasuke and sighed heavily, clenching and unclenching his fists. “That idiot.” He hissed under his breath. “He told you?”
“Yes, he told me,” Sasuke scoffed with another dramatic roll of his eyes. He reached out and pulled Hinata’s chair from her desk, wheeling it over so he could sit down in it across from Gaara. “He spilled the entire thing.”
Gaara pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course, Naruto would give him the best sex he’d had in his life and then turn around and do something so stupid. “Why did he tell you?”
Sasuke shrugged. “He needed to talk to me about something and couldn’t do so unless I knew the whole story.”
Gaara frowned again, eyes narrowing a little as Sasuke stared back at him blankly. “What did he need to talk to you about?” What could have been so important that he couldn’t have just talked to Gaara about his choice to tell Sasuke the truth?
“He was feeling bad about lying to his parents,” Sasuke replied evenly, crossing one leg over the other. “He needed to vent. You can see where I needed to know the truth about that, can’t you?”
Of course he could but why didn’t Naruto just talk to him about it? Gaara was in the same situation and could empathize with it. He felt just as bad for lying to his brother and sister. Clearly he would have been able to understand and offer…something. After all the things they had confessed to each other over the last few weeks, something as simple as this would have been almost normal for them to talk about.
Gaara tried to not feel too bad about it. It wasn’t about him, obviously, and Naruto didn’t need to go to him for every single vent session. He wasn’t Naruto’s only friend. Obviously.
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Sasuke murmured when Gaara didn’t respond to him. He smiled that soft, kind smile of his and it eased the flutter of anxiety in Gaara’s gut. “I think this is a really stupid and bad idea, sure, but I’m not going to tell anyone.”
It had been a stupid idea from the start and obviously Gaara knew that. Sasuke saying it, though, just sort of made him feel like an idiot. God, he was going to kill Naruto. “I’d definitely appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anyone about it.”
“I think you two should call it off, though.”
“Why?”
“Do you even need to ask?” Sasuke glanced over his own shoulder, making sure Konan was still busy before he looked back at him. “Ignoring the fact that I think it’s kind of shitty to lie to all of our friends about it, I just don’t think it's a good idea for you guys. You hate each other.”
“We don’t actually.” Gaara was getting used to being able to say that. That he didn’t hate Naruto Uzumaki. “We’re actually pretty good friends.”
“Who have sex?” Sasuke scoffed a little bit.
Gaara scoffed right back at him, a little irritated again. “ We’ve had sex, Sasuke.”
“That’s different.” Sasuke waved it off, shaking his head. “We weren’t fake dating.”
“So?” Gaara demanded, crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair. “We get along. We make out and we had sex one time. It’s good for us to be friends and it’s good for me to have…someone I can do that stuff with. It’s fine. We both enjoy it.”
“But what happens when you two break up?” Sasuke leaned forward a bit, scooting his chair closer. “He said you guys are supposed to break up in a few months. What are you doing, then? You clearly can’t go back to hating each other. What are you going to tell everyone?”
God, Sasuke was over thinking this more than Gaara was at this point. That was in his nature, of course, especially when Naruto and Gaara were involved. Gaara was honestly past the point of caring about that part. “We tell them that dating didn’t work out but we still want to be friends. You two did it just fine. Why are you so worried about this, Sasuke?”
Sasuke sighed and ran his hands through his hair, making it look insane for a second before he started smoothing it back into place. “Because I know how you two are and I don’t want to see you guys get hurt. You’re good for each other, believe it or not. I just don’t want some stupid prank to ruin a really good thing you have. You don’t make friends easily, Gaara, and Naruto tends to open himself up and get hurt after.”
Gaara could understand that. Sasuke had a cool exterior, sure, but he cared about the people he loved. Of course he’d worry about the toll this sort of thing would take on them. He sort of had a valid point, too, but Gaara didn’t see his situation with Naruto taking any sort of sour turn like that. Naruto was so gentle with what Gaara wanted and needed and Gaara, despite their past, cared about him. They were friends. They’d be friends even when this ended, wouldn’t they?
Gaara’s gaze softened a bit and he smiled at Sasuke. “I appreciate the concern, but it’ll be alright. We’re both adults; we can figure everything out.”
Sasuke sort of looked like he wanted to argue but he didn’t, thankfully. He just nodded and offered a small smile of his own before going to his own work desk to get started on his own workload for the day. The vibe between them eased after a while, the tension gone as they both took turns bouncing design ideas off of each other every so often.
Eventually Gaara’s phone buzzed with a notification. A picture Naruto had sent. A selfie, to be exact, with one of his students who proudly held up some macaroni art up for the camera to capture. Naruto grinned brightly, crouched down by the boy. It was a charming picture, honestly, but Gaara was still annoyed that Naruto had told Sasuke the truth. No amount of grinning children and mostly decent macaroni art could make up for that. He sent a quick reply.
You told Sasuke.
He shouldn't have been as annoyed as he was. It wasn’t like he could control how he felt, though, and he really sort of wished Naruto had talked to him about it first. Being blind sided by Sasuke had ruined his mood and, while he was sure it wouldn’t have happened if Hinata was already there, the chance that someone could have heard them set him sort of on edge. If anyone else found out he and Naruto would be seen as complete assholes…and, honestly, as total idiots. That was the last thing Gaara wanted to deal with. God, and if his brother and sister had found out?
Naruto’s reply came through only a moment or two later.
He wasn’t supposed to tell you that…
Gaara closed his eyes, taking a slow breath. He could feel the way his skin tingled with his annoyance and he shoved his phone back into his pocket. He didn’t have any sort of response to give Naruto that wouldn’t sound mean or make himself angrier than he already was. His anger wasn’t even that justified right now and there was no use in making it worse.
Naruto would hate that he didn’t reply but that was just going to have to be left alone. Naruto was going to be picking him up later, anyway. They could talk about it if they were both still bothered.
5:00 p.m.
Yeah, Gaara was still bothered. The entire situation had been nagging at him all day. None of his appointments during the day had really helped and Sasuke acting like the conversation that morning had never happened didn’t help, either.
The problem with things like this, for Gaara at least, was that he wasn’t usually capable of “letting it go” like most people could. He tried. God, did he try. His life would have been a dozen times easier if he could but his brain and emotions just never worked like that. The annoyance and the anger sat in the back of his mind, stewing and growing until all he could do was blow up or throw some sort of fit. That was his entire childhood, a never ending cycle of stewing in rage and distress and only being able to get it out of his system with his violent outbursts. He was better at it now, obviously, but that didn’t mean Sasuke suddenly being aware of his fake relationship didn’t fill him with a rage that simmered hot and heavy in his gut.
Gaara hated being like this. He knew it was stupid. He knew being angry at Naruto in particular for something like this was stupid after Sasuke revealed that the truth had only come out because Naruto felt bad for lying to his parents. Gaara could get that…so why the hell didn’t Naruto think to ask him? Why didn’t Naruto at least give him a heads up?
And why the fuck had Naruto not sent a single text after Gaara’s radio silence in response to his earlier reply?
Gaara sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before tossing his sketchbook and pencil into his backpack as he heard the door to the shop open. He could hear Naruto chatting with Konan and Itachi for a moment and was absolutely disgusted by the way his irritation spiked at the sound. He shook his head and slung his backpack over his shoulder, turning to watch as Naruto stepped into the employee area. Naruto met his gaze and offered a smile that didn’t look very convincing, glancing over at Sasuke who was at his own desk, aimlessly scrolling through his phone.
Naruto scowled a little. “You’re a dick, you know that?”
“Didn’t know giving sound and logical advice to my best friends made me a dick.” Sasuke replied coolly. Like he was bored. Like he couldn’t care any less than he already did. He glanced up from his phone to stare blankly at Naruto. “Stop doing stupid shit and I won’t have to be a dick about everything.”
Gaara groaned loudly, making the other two jolt a bit in surprise. He raked a hand through his hair, his irritation most likely rolling off of him in waves. “Just…shut up. Both of you. Before I lose my fucking mind.”
Sasuke, bless his soul, backed off and looked back at his phone. Naruto sighed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweater, still eyeing Sasuke wearily. “Just don’t tell Suigetsu, dude, alright?”
“I tell Suigetsu everything.” Sasuke didn’t look up from his phone this time and he still looked just as unbothered as he had a moment ago. “But I won’t tell him. As much as I wish I had someone to tell, the less people know about this the better.”
Gaara couldn’t agree more.
Naruto still looked unsure and that was fair; he had already taken a risk telling Sasuke. The idea of Sasuke telling anyone else was slim but still…daunting. He didn’t seem to want to argue, though, and he looked back at Gaara before tilting his head towards the exit. “Ready to go?”
Gaara didn’t reply, walking past Naruto and out of the shop into the cold evening air. Dark clouds hung heavy in the sky, promising more rain before the end of the night. Gaara shivered a little and made his way to Naruto’s car, sliding into the passenger seat with a soft sigh. Naruto got into the driver seat and started the car up, driving away from the shop. For a moment Gaara wondered if they’d drive in silence. He partially felt bad for leaving Naruto without a reply earlier and wouldn’t have blamed the other at all if he had decided to punish him with the silent treatment right back. He’d hate it, yeah, but he wouldn’t have blamed him. Naruto, however, spoke up after a moment, once he had turned the radio volume down a little bit. “You’re pissed at me.”
“I am.” Gaara replied quietly, staring ahead at the road. “You should have talked to me first.”
“It isn’t that big of a deal, Gaara.” Naruto insisted in a voice that was far too calm for how angry Gaara felt. “I only told Sasuke and it…I needed to vent about something so-”
“I know why you told him.” Gaara cut him off with a sigh. Naruto looked at him, a little alarmed, and Gaara frowned back at him. “Sasuke told me that you were feeling shitty about lying to your mom and dad. I would have understood that, Naruto. I feel bad lying, too.”
Naruto frowned a little bit at him, looking almost confused. But the expression was gone a moment later as he sighed and looked back at the road. “I just…didn’t think you’d care? You would have ended up overthinking it anyway.”
“For a good reason.” Gaara scoffed. “What if Sasuke had told Hinata? Or he told Suigetsu who told, I don’t know, anybody? If that had circled back and everyone found out and suddenly we’re the assholes lying to everyone.”
“Gaara,” Naruto glanced back at him with a slightly raised brow and an annoying smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “We are the assholes lying to everyone.”
“God,” Gaara scowled and looked out the window, away from Naruto. “You aren’t even taking this seriously. I should have been included in your choice to tell Sasuke. This affects me, too.” He took a deep breath as he felt the spikes of irritation, clenching his fists in his lap. “I spent a long time dealing with people making choices for me. Taking away my ability to choose what I wanted or needed. I shouldn’t have to worry about that now that I’m grown and I especially shouldn’t have to worry about it coming from you .”
His words had hit a nerve not just with himself but with Naruto as well if the long, extended silence was anything to go by. He didn’t feel bad about it, but he did feel bad for not feeling bad. He couldn’t help how he felt, as much as he wished he could, and he was honestly just glad he hadn’t said something more mean, more pointed. A younger version of him, or one with a little less sleep, would have jumped at the chance to say something that was too personal, that hurt too much.
“I’m sorry.” Naruto said after quite some time, his voice soft. “You’re right; I should have talked to you first. I just had…a lot going on in my head and wasn’t thinking straight. I’m sorry, Gaara. I’ll make it up to you. Whatever you want, I’ll do it.”
It wasn’t that easy for Gaara but he didn’t really know how to explain it. Even if he accepted the apology and they acted like nothing had happened, it would linger in the back of his mind. It would wait until the next time Naruto did something annoying and just set him off all over again and he hated it. He slowly looked back at Naruto, watching him drive for a silent minute or two, and decided that he was too tired to keep the fight going. Naruto was sorry, after all, and he wasn’t the type to fake an apology. He knew he’d fucked up and he knew Gaara was upset. It was honestly touching enough that he had apologized that quickly. Given their history, Gaara had expected a longer fight. They were older, though, and knew each other better. He was pretty sure they didn’t take any joy in riling each other up anymore.
“Watch a scary movie with me.” Gaara murmured finally, making Naruto glance at him with a confused frown. Gaara looked back ahead at the road. “I pick the scary movie and you watch it with me. And you make me something to eat. That’s how you can start making it up to me.” The annoyance would live in the back of his mind but he was going to try to enjoy the rest of his day.
Naruto gave a short laugh. “Sure, sure. Just please nothing with major body gore.”
Gaara rolled his eyes. “Weenie.”
“Freak.”
“Coward.”
“Uh, yeah.” Naruto snickered softly. “Absolutely. If it isn’t a cheesy 80’s horror movie, I’ll be scared of it. I’m so not afraid to admit it. You’re a freak who watched that shit for fun.”
“Actually, my therapist said something about that once when I was still going,” Gaara mused out loud, thoughtful. “She said that I most likely watched them so much because I liked or was comfortable with the idea of being able to control the situation in which I’m afraid. She said that since I grew up in a constant state of fear, being able to control how and when and what scares me and knowing I can turn it off or change it helps me learn to control and grow past my fears.”
“Damn.” Naruto murmured as his car pulled into the driveway of his home. “I never would have thought about it like that.”
“I never thought about it like that, either.” Gaara got out of the car, following Naruto to the front door as he noticed a lack of other cars in the driveway. “Are your parents gone?”
“Oh, yeah.” Naruto unlocked the door and led them inside, kicking off his shoes by the door. “They’re doing some after work errands or whatever. They’ll probably be back soon.”
Gaara wasn’t worried about it. In all honesty he was sort of hoping he’d see them at some point before he went home later. He hadn’t seen Kushina or Minato much since that dinner, only a few fleeting times in passing, and he sort of wanted to see them. A wild concept, yeah, but not one that felt too outlandish for him. It almost felt comfortable, like he’d slotted himself into this role and he’d been in it his entire life.
“You said you wanted me to make you something to eat, right?” Naruto veered towards the kitchen and paused in the doorway, looking over his shoulder at him. “Go on up to my room and I’ll make something. Shouldn’t take me too long. You can pick out a movie while you wait.”
Gaara nodded. “Alright. Don’t take forever.” He warned, making his way up the stairs once he had kicked his shoes off as well.
Gaara made his way up to Naruto’s room, setting his backpack down near the bed. His irritation was…a little better. It wasn’t gone entirely and he didn’t expect it to be. It would linger for a while even if he didn’t want to, even if all he wanted to do was let himself relax and enjoy Naruto’s company like he had a few days ago. They were comfortable. They’d been close. They had shared a wonderful and fun night and Gaara couldn’t remember there ever being a time he’d enjoyed being around someone for so long like that. He felt selfish for being angry at Naruto earlier. He felt even more selfish for still feeling upset about the whole situation even though he knew that he couldn’t help it.
Gaara despised having emotions.
He settled himself on Naruto’s bed, turning on the Tv and scrolling through a few streaming sites to find a movie. As much as he sort of wanted to be mean and make Naruto watch something super scary, he didn’t give in to that idea. So, he settled on something that was, in his opinion, not very scary but was scary to some of their other friends. A movie about ghosts, which Naruto would hate, but with very little body horror and far more imagery and color. It would be spooky but pretty to look at so he figured it was a win-win situation. Naruto would be scared of a movie to make up for being an idiot and both of them could enjoy the colors incorporated into it.
Naruto came into the room a few minutes later, passing a plate to Gaara with a dramatic bow. “A grilled ham and cheese sandwich with some sliced up green apples.”
Gaara took the plate as Naruto climbed onto the bed, leaning heavily into him, and chuckled softly. “I half expected you to bring me a bowl of cereal.”
Naruto scoffed in offense. “I would never bring you something so basic, Gaara, how could you assume such a thing about me?” He looked towards the Tv and grimaced a bit. “Oh, this looks scary.”
“It might be for you but that’s what you deserve.” Gaara mumbled as he leaned back into the pile of pillows, biting into the sandwich. “Push play.”
To Naruto’s credit, he didn’t seem too terrified of the movie. Gaara had expected him to be absolutely miserable but, aside from the way he flinched at the unsightly ghosts and blood, Naruto actually sort of seemed like he was enjoying the plot. Gaara, after eating the surprisingly good sandwich and apple slices, set his plate aside and relaxed more, enjoying the movie as well now that the irritation was finally, finally, starting to fade away. The comfortability of the whole situation helped, he thought, with easing up his nerves. Being with Naruto just had that sort of calming effect and when Naruto slid an arm around his waist to pull him even closer, Gaara let it happen and even laid his head on the other’s shoulder. He could almost forget about Naruto telling Sasuke. He hoped he would forget it because he didn’t actually enjoy being upset with Naruto anymore.
“If the ghosts weren’t so damn freaky, this would be such a killer movie.” Naruto murmured into Gaara’s hair after another jump scare had him jerking in shock. “I kind of really like the characters.”
“The ghosts are all practical effects, you know.” Gaara informed him softly, watching the main character of the movie run down the spiraling stairs of a grand manor. “No CGI or anything.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s kind of badass, actually.”
Gaara felt himself grin a little bit. “I know. I like movies like that. I can show you more sometime if you want.”
He didn’t really think Naruto would agree. He didn’t like scary movies, after all, but he surprised Gaara with his enthusiastic, “Yeah, totally!”
Gaara blinked in surprise and leaned back a little to gawk at the other. “Really?”
Naruto looked over at him, nodding. “Yeah, absolutely.”
“You hate scary movies, though.”
“Yeah, but you like them.” Naruto replied with that same sunshine grin of his, arm still around Gaara’s waist. When Gaara frowned, confused, he continued, “We’re friends, Gaara, and I want to do the things you enjoy outside of them being punishments for me being an idiot or a way to calm you down from an anxiety attack.”
Touching and rather…sweet. Which wasn’t out of character for Naruto. Honestly, sweet was a word Gaara had very quickly learned to associate with the other because Naruto really was just way too sweet for his own good sometimes. Gaara liked it, as alien as it still felt, and he found himself offering an almost sheepish smile back at the other. “Only if you really want to. But you can’t bitch and complain at me if you have nightmares or something from watching anything scary.”
“No promises there,” Naruto admitted with a chuckle, glancing back towards the movie. “But I’ll do my best.”
Gaara watched him for a moment, a swell of something warm blossoming in his chest and then he sighed, making Naruto look back at him. “I’m sorry for being angry with you.”
Apologizing for his anger was always a little mortifying. There was a particular sort of vulnerability that came with acknowledging your own negative emotions and even after all this time, it still caught Gaara off guard. He was still mildly annoyed by the whole situation with Sasuke, sure, but he already knew that it wasn’t fair of him to be. Especially now that he knew Naruto had only done it because he loved his parents so much and hated lying to them.
“I felt ambushed by Sasuke back in the shop.” Gaara continued, glancing down at his lap, picking idly at the bedsheets. “I also just can’t control my anger. I’ve told you before. I just…felt like you went behind my back and I was worried about what would happen with the situation out of my control.”
A lifetime of having no power over his life, over the things that happened to him. Years of finding himself and his own control once again. It had all felt, in that moment, like it was spiraling out of his control and while he knew he was jumping a little too hard to conclusions, a little time to think about it all helped him identify more and more what the problems had been. “I get why you told him and…honestly, he’d probably be the one I’d tell, too, if I hit a breaking point. Just…don’t leave me out of big choices like that again if you can help it, alright?”
Naruto, like Gaara had expected, didn’t look angry at all. He looked a little guilty, honestly, but not looking angry was a good sign in Gaara’s book. Naruto gave a small nod, a hand coming up to cup Gaara’s cheek. He did that a lot. Gaara liked it. He actually really liked it, leaning into the touch like he needed it to survive. A lot of Naruto’s touches felt like that and Gaara tried not to think too hard about it but it was hard not to think about it when they were like this. Every touch made Gaara’s skin feel hot and his heart flutter and he knew it was, partially, because he just wasn’t used to being touched so gently. But there was something else to it and he had felt it that night they slept together, when every touch of Naruto’s hands and lips on his own had made him almost dizzy with… something.
“I hear you.” Naruto murmured, pressing his lips to Gaara’s forehead in a gentle kiss. He pulled away only a little, smiling softly. “I’m sorry and I won’t do it again. I wasn’t thinking about…how you’d feel. I mean, I knew you were going to kill me but I didn’t think about why you’d want to kill me over it.”
Gaara nodded and pulled away from him, falling heavily back into the pile of pillows with a small sigh. “I wouldn’t kill you.” He assured with a small smile. “Maim you, perhaps, but never kill. That’s a little too much work and I’d hate to upset your parents.”
“Mm, of course, my parents.” Naruto mused as he made his way over, slowly moving until he was lying on top of Gaara, bringing a blush to Gaara’s face as their bodies pressed together. He ran his fingers through Gaara’s hair, grinning softly. “Not because you’d miss me or anything. Of course not.”
Gaara hummed in acknowledgment. “I might. A little bit, at least.” He paused just for a moment before slowly setting his hands on Naruto’s hips, squeezing gently. “I mean, I’d certainly have a lot more free time without you around at the very least. I’d be pretty bored.”
Naruto rolled his eyes as a smirk tugged at his lips. “Yeah, exactly. I provide you with so much fun and entertainment. You wouldn’t last if you killed or maimed me. You’d be miserable.”
Miserable was a stretch but there was some truth to it. Gaara would miss Naruto if he didn’t see him anymore, as much as he wasn’t thrilled to admit. It might have just been the novelty of having a new friend, of having a new source of mild serotonin supplied to his mundane life. It made his own smile soften a little as he sighed, shrugging as best as he could while being pressed down by the weight of another body on top of his. “Maybe not miserable. Don’t flatter yourself too much.”
“Jerk.” Naruto laughed softly, no venom in his tone. Then he was kissing him, fingers stroking through Gaara’s hair in that damn way that sent tingles down his spine and Gaara moaned softly, squeezing his hips harder.
Well, so much for stewing in his irritation. It was kind of hard to stay mad at anything when Naruto’s tongue was doing that.
Truthfully, this was sort of what Gaara was hoping they’d do before Sasuke had gone and opened his mouth earlier. He’d been really caught up in the memory of the sex they had. He hated even admitting that to himself because he felt like he sounded like a teenager but hell, it’d been the best sex he’d ever had. Sex with Sasuke had been…enlightening. It was good, of course. Comfortable and new. Gaara had learned a lot about his body and his own likes and dislikes and it had, in the long run, solidified just how close of a friend Sasuke had become to him. It was good. Fun, even. But sex with Naruto had felt like it was on an entirely different level. He’d never experienced such a rush, such a hunger like the one Naruto had ignited in him all those weeks ago when they made out on Gaara’s living room couch. As embarrassing as it was to still be thinking about it days later, he sort of liked it? Or rather, he supposed he liked having an experience that had been so intimidating and yet so memorable.
He’d been sort of hoping they’d do more. He wanted to make use of their limited time as fake boyfriends as he could, after all, and he was pretty sure Naruto wouldn’t have argued or fought him on it.
Naruto was in the process of shoving Gaara’s shirt up when Gaara swatted his hands away, breaking their kiss with a small huff. “Hang on.”
Naruto’s hands were gone in an instant and he pulled his mouth away, looking down at him with concerned eyes. “What’s up?”
Gaara eyed him for a moment, weighing his options mentally, before he gave in to the small, nagging heat boiling in his gut. “I want to try something. You’ll really make up for making me mad earlier if you let me.” He paused and then frowned a little. “I didn’t mean for that to sound so…rude. You can say no, obviously.” And here he was already fumbling in his attempt to state what he wanted, what his body wanted. How embarrassing.
Naruto snorted softly and pushed himself up, nodding. “Sure, sure. What did you have in mind?”
….
“F-fucking shit, Gaara…” Naruto’s voice caught at the end of his sentence, morphing into another deep, low moan at the feeling of Gaara’s mouth around his cock.
Gaara would have smirked if he didn’t have a dick in his mouth. He moaned softly himself, the action making Naruto jerk and shudder, his thighs trembling a little where Gaara’s hands lightly gripped them.
It hadn’t taken much convincing for Naruto to let him shove him down onto the bed and go down on him. Gaara had thought about it in passing that morning they had woken up together and the idea had, unfortunately, sort of been nagging at him ever since. This wasn’t his first time sucking dick, of course, but it was the first time he actively cared if he was doing it well. And, honestly, it was kind of the first time he’d done it without thinking so fucking hard about it.
From the sounds tumbling out of Naruto's mouth, clearly he was doing a decent enough job. Naruto's fingers tightened in Gaara's hair, making him moan as well, and he could feel the way the other’s thighs jerk a little with the rush of pleasure. Gaara wouldn't say it out loud because it would have been embarrassing beyond all belief, but the sounds Naruto was making paired with the clear fact that he was doing a good job was making him hard and needy, too. Which he expected but not at this level but he shouldn't have been surprised. Naruto seemed to have that sort of power over him, making his moments of desire turn into an aching, burning need.
It was alarming how much Gaara enjoyed that burning ache Naruto ignited inside of him. It made him feel like he was some teen that got hard at a simple brush of a hand against his which, while maybe only half right, wasn’t correct at all. Gaara had been good all these years with very little interest in sex, with hardly anyone making heat curl in his gut like this, but now it was like Naruto had started something that only he could finish. Gaara both hated it and adored it. Hated that there was another person that could affect him like this, that could make his body jolt to life without any warning. Adored it because he had never felt this sort of comfortability, had never found himself wanting to make another person feel as good as they made him feel.
Gaara pulled his mouth off of Naruto’s cock, panting softly as he glanced up at him. Naruto was watching him with wide eyes, a hot blush staining his cheeks, and Gaara managed a small smirk. “Speechless for once, Uzumaki? I haven’t even made you cum yet.” While he was glad he had used enough brain cells to have Naruto sit at the edge of the bed so Gaara could kneel between his legs, he was sort of regretting not putting a pillow under his knees; bedroom floors weren’t particularly knee friendly, but the bewildered look on Naruto’s face was worth it.
“Just…” Naruto swallowed and Gaara watched him lick his lips, finding the action a little too appealing in that moment. One of his hands fell from Gaara’s hair to gently grip his chin, thumb running along Gaara’s lower lip in a way that had Gaara’s breath catching in his throat. Naruto smiled a little bit, a soft and private sort of smile that seemed to be saved specifically for moments like this between the two of them. “You just look really good down there, is all.”
Gaara rolled his eyes a little, wrapping his hand around Naruto’s cock to give it a slow, deliberate stroke that made the blonde’s eyelids flutter shut for a second, a soft moan passing his lips. “Do you want me to keep going?”
“Y-yeah, duh. But uh…” Naruto’s blush deepend and Gaara waited for him to speak again, still stroking his cock at that same slow pace. Naruto squirmed a little and sucked in a breath, averting his gaze. “This is going to sound so fucking embarassing, god.” He rubbed a hand over his face.
Gaara hummed softly, tilting his head slowly. “I’m the one that just had a dick in my mouth, Naruto.” He pointed out lightly. “I think we’re both past the point of embarrassment with each other, at the very least.”
Naruto sighed and looked back at him and Gaara was honestly surprised that his blush could get any deeper. “I don’t want to cum in your mouth.” He paused, maybe assessing Gaara’s expression which stayed perfectly open and calm, or at least he hoped. “I uh…I want to uh-”
“Do you want to cum on my face, Naruto?” Gaara was surprised that he was able to say that with a straight face or without stumbling over the words.
Naruto gawked at him, eyes wide, and then he gave a quick and jerky nod. “Yes. If uh…if that’s alright?”
It wasn’t actually something Gaara had done before. He never saw the appeal, really, because the worst thing in the world was suddenly having something on your face that you had to wash off in a timely fashion. It wasn’t something Sasuke had ever brought up, either, so they had never done it. But Naruto looked so nervous now that he said it and as mean as Gaara wanted to be a little mean and tease him for it, it was…kind of sweet that Naruto had felt comfortable enough to ask for something he wanted? If this sort of situation could ever be considered sweet?
“That’s fine.” Gaara replied, leaning his head back down so he could trail his tongue along the length of the other’s cock, dragging another soft gasp from his lips. He circled his tongue along the head of Naruto’s cock, letting his eyes slip closed for a moment as he felt a hand carding through his head again. He opened his eyes, offering a small smile up at the other. “Just tell me when you’re close.”
“Won’t take long, I can tell you that much.” Naruto scoffed softly, returning Gaara’s smile.
Gaara took his cock back into his mouth with a small moan of his own and this time, with Naruto’s hands back in his hair, he didn’t take his sweet time with it. He was honestly surprised he had managed to go this long without feeling mortified enough to stop but, honestly, that was just what he had come to expect when doing these things with Naruto. The pleasure out weighed the way the embarrassment wanted to swallow him whole.
The noises that fell from Naruto’s mouth got louder, heavier. His breathing picked up, his grip on Gaara’s hair tightening until it was toeing the line between painful and so, so good. His cock was hot and heavy in Gaara’s mouth and the taste of precum lingered on Gaara’s tongue, one of his hands stroking what his mouth couldn’t fit. He was kind of lost in the sensation, in the feeling of everything happening. The feeling of what he was doing. He could have kept going at this forever, actually, if Naruto let him but it only took a few minutes before Naruto was pushing him away from his cock, panting hard with a small tremble in his thighs. “I-I’m close, Gaara, hang on a minute…!”
Gaara scoffed softly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to get his own breathing under control. Trying to ignore the slight ache in his jaw, he scooted himself a little closer. “I’ve never done this next part.”
Naruto snorted softly. “You slept with Sasuke Uchiha and you’ve never done this before?” He asked, bewildered, as he wrapped a hand around his cock.
Gaara blinked in surprise. “Is he a fan of it?” He wrinkled his nose a little in disgust. “Actually, don’t reply to that. I respect Suigetsu too much as a person to imagine what Sasuke does to him. Just…tell me what to do?”
“Just close your eyes, honestly.” Naruto murmured. “The rest is uh, pretty much all me.”
Gaara did as he was told, closing his eyes and waiting patiently as he heard the very obvious sound of Naruto jerking himself off at a rushed, perhaps almost frantic pace. His own cock was throbbing, still confined, and he had a vague thought to touch himself but he was quick to kick those thoughts to the curb; he’d had enough embarrassment for the night as it was. His curiosity got the better of him, however, and he cracked his eyes open only to be met with the image of Naruto, his hair a mess and his lips parted slightly as he breathed, hot and heavy. His hand was moving quickly on his cock and every other stroke he let out a small, barely there moan that made Gaara’s face burn hot.
He hadn’t really gotten a good look at Naruto when they slept together the other night. The only light had been from both Gaara’s LED lights and the TV, which didn’t do any justice to just how fucking gorgeous Naruto looked when he was in pleasure. With his cheeks stained pink. With his lips parted just enough for Gaara to snake his tongue between them if he wanted to. With the little tremble of his thighs and the way his eyebrows drew together just slightly. He was…really fucking cute, actually, like this. It made Gaara’s mouth feel dry and not a moment later Naruto’s gaze met his, eyes half lidded and Gaara’s name passing his lips in a breathy moan, “Gaara.”
Gaara wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him so bad it almost fucking hurt. But Naruto’s pace had shifted, became even more frantic than before and he gasped out, “C-close your eyes…!”
Once again Gaara did as he was told and not a moment later he felt the way the warm cum landed on his face. It…wasn’t a terrible feeling like he had thought. It actually made his own cock throb a little and he shivered hard as he felt it hit his cheek and his chin, felt some of it land on his lips and even the bridge of his nose. Never in his life had he thought he’d enjoy something like that and yet he was sitting here in Naruto’s bedroom with the other’s cum cooling on his face and his own dick achingly hard.
“Holy fuck.” Naruto breathed. Gaara heard the sound of him moving around. “Hang on, don’t open your eyes. Let me clean your face. I’m going to run to the bathroom for literally like, three seconds.”
Gaara heard him hurry out of the room, hopefully not naked from the waist down, but there was no way to tell. So he sat calmly, eyes closed, trying to ignore the way his own heart was hammering away. Not even a minute later he heard Naruto come back, closing the door behind him before he was speaking in front of Gaara again. “I’m going to touch your face, alright?”
Gaara nodded and a moment later one of Naruto’s hands was gently gripping his chin and the other was gently washing his face clean with a warm, wet washcloth. The gentle care made Gaara melt a little bit, the softest sigh passing his lips.
“Damn, if this was the kind of stuff you were down for when I piss you off,” Naruto began with a chuckle that told Gaara he was talking about the sex and not the gentle hand on Gaara’s chin, “Then I should tick you off more often.”
“Do not.” Gaara said firmly, waiting until the washcloth wiped his eyelashes clean before he opened his eyes to fix the other with a small glare. “I won’t suck your dick every time you do something stupid. Today was…an exception. I don’t like being mad at you.”
Naruto smiled softly and nodded. “I know, I know.” He assured. He tossed the washcloth across the room and tugged Gaara back up and into his lap. As Gaara expected, Naruto had pulled on his pants before rushing to the bathroom again, thank god. His arms wrapped loosely around Gaara’s waist and his smile morphed into something a little more playful. “You seemed to enjoy it, though, either way. Your dick is kinda hard to miss right now.”
Gaara, face burning hot, shoved his hands down to cover his crotch on reflex. Not that Naruto was wrong; he was way too hard right now and it was a little obvious. “Idiot.”
Naruto giggled softly, pressing a kiss to Gaara’s cheek. “Want me to do you, too?”
Gaara despised the way the question, asked in the same tone one would ask about the weather, made him shiver hard in the other’s lap. It was sort of what he’d been thinking about for days, now. “Maybe-”
The sound of the front door closing, as muffled as it was from all the way upstairs, made Gaara jolt in surprise. Naruto rolled his eyes a little bit and met Gaara’s gaze, one hand sliding away from Gaara’s hips and down to his lap, gently pushing Gaara’s hands away. “Ignore it. Let me make you feel good.”
The moment Naruto started to palm Gaara’s dick through his pants, Gaara gasped, dropping his head onto the other’s shoulder. “Shit…”
Naruto hummed softly. “You’re so hard, Gaara, holy shit.”
Gaara huffed into the other’s shoulder. “If you hurry up, I won’t be.”
Naruto laughed at that, the sound making Gaara’s stomach flutter. “You’re so impatient-”
“Naruto!” Kushina’s voice, steadily coming up the stairs, made both of them stiffen a little. “Are those Gaara’s shoes we saw downstairs by the door? You didn’t tell us he was coming, that’s so mean! Don’t hog your boyfriend!”
Naruto groaned, his hand moving away from Gaara’s dick, much to Gaara’s disappointment. “Yeah, he’s here!” He called back. “But don’t come in; we’re naked!”
“Naruto!” Gaara hissed as he leaned back, punching him in the arm none too gently.
“Ow!”
“Ew.” Kushina’s voice was right outside the door. “Disgusting! I don’t need to know what you two are doing. Just come down when you’re both decent, alright?”
Gaara waited until he heard the woman disappear back downstairs before he shot Naruto another glare. “I can’t believe you just told her that.”
“Oh, wow.” Naruto snickered softly. “You look like you’re trying to explode me with your mind again; Haven’t seen that look in a while.”
“Maybe I am.” Gaara pushed at him, making a move to get off of the other’s lap. Naruto held his hips, keeping him in place, and Gaara groaned. “Let go of me. There’s not a chance in hell that I’m letting you touch me now that your mom thinks we were having sex.” He huffed at him, trying to squirm free.
“Gaara,” Naruto raised an eyebrow at him, thumbs dipping underneath Gaara's shirt to rub at his sides gently. “We kind of were having sex. Just a little.”
Okay, yeah, that was true. “Well, she doesn’t have to know! Now it’s weird!”
“Only weird if you make it weird.” Naruto offered but he let go of him anyway, smiling softly. “But fine. I won’t do anything now that my parents are home if it really bugs you.”
Of course Gaara had already known Naruto would stop when he asked. He’d give Gaara a little bit of grief just to tease him, sure, but he’d never force him.
Gaara got off of his lap and sighed, crossing his arms. “We should probably head downstairs now that my dick is softening by the moment.”
Naruto sighed dramatically, shaking his head. “A shame. I had so many plans for it. Ah, well.” He stood up and looped his arm through Gaara’s. “There’s always next time. But yeah, let’s head downstairs.”
Gaara followed Naruto out of the room and down the stairs. The two of them entered the living room where the two were met with the sight of Kushina and Minato standing near a Christmas tree that Gaara had completely missed upon his earlier arrival. Christ, he’d totally forgotten about the holiday in all the craziness of the month. Not that it was too strange that he forgot; he and his siblings didn’t decorate for it, after all. Seeing the tree now, though, made Gaara force back a small sigh.
Kushina glanced up from a box of ornaments and grinned brightly. “Gaara, hey!” She set the box of tree decorations down and rushed over to them, wrapping her arms around him in a hug that he didn’t even have the time to deflect.
It was weird for Naruto’s parents to like him so much. They’d only seen each other in passing a small amount of times ever since that first dinner and yet the two smiled at him like he was another one of their children. Accepting Kushina’s hug felt like a small betrayal but he liked it, despite the wrongness of it all. She was warm and who could blame Gaara for accepting a mother’s embrace?
“Are you staying for dinner?” Kushina stepped back to look at him. “I was going to just warm up some leftovers, honestly, but it would be so nice if you stayed. We won’t force you to help us decorate, I promise.”
Gaara cracked a small smile and shrugged his shoulders. “I can stay, sure. But I’d uh, help decorate if you wanted me to but I don't know if I’d be any good. We don’t decorate at my house so I’m out of practice.”
“We honestly weren’t going to decorate this year or else this would have been done way sooner.” Minato peered out from behind the tree with an exasperated smile. “We were supposed to go to Naruto’s Godfather’s house this year for Christmas but the plans were changed last minute.”
At his side, Naruto gasped softly. “Jiriya and Tsunade are coming here instead? Yes!” He pumped a fist into the air, grinning brightly. “Thank God, I wasn't looking forward to that two hour drive. Are they coming on Christmas Eve?”
“Yep.” Minato stepped out from behind the tree, straightening out his t-shirt. “Iruka and Kakashi too, actually. Your mother and I invited them earlier today.”
Gaara didn’t know any of these names or the people attached to them. Jiriya, he assumed, was the mentioned Godfather he was sure. But none of the other names rang any bells as his mind raced to figure out if he was supposed to recognize any. It sounded like they’d have a full house, though he was pretty sure the Uzumaki family sort of liked it that way.
Kushina nodded along with her husband, her eyes meeting Gaara’s once more. Her smile softened a bit. “What are you doing for Christmas, Gaara?”
Gaara leaned back against the wall and shrugged again. “We’re spending Christmas Eve with Kiba’s family and then Christmas Day with Shikamaru’s. We switch off every year.” They’d been doing it for so long that he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Kiba’s mom always treated Gaara and Temari like her own kids, and Shikamaru’s parents were the same when it came to Gaara and Kankuro.
“Oh, that sounds fun.” Kushina gushed, brushing a few stray hairs behind her ear. “I was going to say that you’re more than welcome to join us if you want. Either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day but don’t feel pressured at all. It’s totally fine if not.”
Gaara hadn’t strayed from their usual holiday tradition…ever, actually. The idea of it alone made his palms feel a little sweaty. “I’ll talk to my brother and sister.” He assured the woman with a small smile that he hoped looked less awkward than it felt.
“Of course, honey. Really, though, don’t worry about it if you decide not to.” Kushina assured him before she looked back at her husband. “Come help me in the kitchen, Minato?”
The two left the room, headed for the kitchen, and Naruto was turning Gaara to face him almost immediately. He seemed to be searching Gaara’s face for a moment before he offered him a small smile. “She means it when she says not to feel pressured about it, just so you know.” He told him, voice quiet.
Gaara bit his lip for a moment, glancing up at the ceiling before he met Naruto’s gaze again. “Is it really okay if I don’t come?”
“Absolutely.” Naruto nodded, hands falling away from Gaara’s shoulders. “I know how important it is for you to have time with your siblings. I’m…sure holidays are a little difficult for you three and I wouldn’t expect you to drop everything that you guys already have planned just because my mom and dad invited you over. I understand. They’d understand.”
Of course they would. Their family was just like that. Understanding. Caring. Extremely kind. It just felt strange to think about doing anything holiday related with anyone other than his brother and sister. Truthfully, Gaara kind of hated Christmas. They celebrated it a lot when they were small. It was always one of the rare times where their dad would be calm and kind, sort of, for the entire month, would shower them with new clothes and toys and told them to make it all last the year. When they were small, they;d soaked it up. When they got older and Rasa had shifted the responsibility of parenting onto Temari more and more, he stopped celebrating it altogether. Christmas had become just another day for them, though they exchanged gifts in the secrecy of Temari’s bedroom while their dad was still out and then watched a movie together.
Celebrating with Kiba and Shikamaru’s family had been…difficult at first but not unwelcome. They just weren’t used to it back then but now it was tradition, one they adored.
“I’ll think about it.” Gaara echoed with a small nod. “But I won’t make any promises.”
Naruto’s smile told assured him that no matter what, no one would take offense. He was leaning more towards staying with his original plan anyway. It felt sort of wrong to show up at Naruto’s family event as his boyfriend when it was an act, one that had already fooled Kushina and Minato so well that their son had been guilty enough to tell Sasuke the truth, apparently. He didn’t want to add to the growing list of people that Naruto loved and would have to lie to.
Even if the idea of getting to know more people that Naruto cared about actually sounded really nice. He felt like finding out new parts of Naruto’s life was, unlike his, a really fun and almost comforting allowance. He liked it. He liked getting to know Naruto’s parents and he liked the idea of meeting whoever Jiriya and Tsunade and Kakashi and Iruka were. But he wouldn’t push Naruto, wouldn’t make him lie to more people just because Gaara himself had been overcome with this almost alien urge to know more and more.
It was funny. He’d never cared that much until recently. He never wanted to insert himself into Naruto’s life so much, not even when they’d finally admitted to being friends. It was…weird, of course, and he didn’t understand it entirely but he wasn’t an idiot.
This might be a crush.
Saturday, December 23rd 10:55 a.m.
“Now make sure you follow the care routine in the packet I gave you.” Gaara pointed to the packet in the young woman’s hand. “If you have any questions you can shoot me an email or call the store. Someone here will make sure I get back to you if I miss your call.” He assured.
The young woman beamed at him and nodded quickly. “Yes, of course! Thank you again. Really. I’ve been so in love with your work for like, ages. I’m so glad I was able to book you.”
Gaara smiled softly from the other side of the reception counter. “I’m flattered. I’d love to work with you again sometime if you want.” Not just because she had tipped well, because holy shit she really did, but she had actually been a pretty decent conversation during the span of her tattoo. She was a wildlife photographer visiting home for the holidays and had shared a lot of fun stories about her work and the animals she had seen through it. Gaara had enjoyed listening as he worked on the tattoo on the back of her calf.
The woman grinned even wider before waving at him and leaving through the front door. Konan, seated at her usual seat and looking over everyone’s appointment calendar, looked over at him with a small smile. “She really was excited to get something done by you, you know. You should have seen her while she was signing all the consent forms; she could barely hold still.”
Gaara wasn’t sure he’d ever really get used to being people’s “favorite” artists. It was a high praise to receive and it made him happy every time but it was still so weird to know that someone had seen his art and decided that yes, that was what they wanted on their body for the rest of their life. It made him happy. “I’m glad I could do a design for her.” Gaara murmured, turning and walking back to the employee area.
Sasuke had taken hold of the music today, Itachi and Deidara both not working. Sasuke had settled on classical music which wasn’t terrible but Gaara did sort of miss the usual lo-fi. He collapsed onto the couch, laying out across it and letting his eyes slip shut. Not sleeping, of course, but just resting.
“Do your eyes hurt?” Sasuke asked from his work desk.
“Not really.”
“Do you need water or anything?”
“No.”
“Are you like…okay?”
He was okay, all things considered. He was tired, which wasn’t new, but he was thinking. He was thinking quite a lot because he had a crush. That was new. That was really fucking new, actually. He couldn’t remember ever having a crush but he wasn’t an idiot; he knew, without a doubt, that he had a crush on Naruto.
His fake boyfriend.
His fake boyfriend that was, without a doubt, one of his best friends.
“I think I’m hungry.” Gaara answered finally. He opened his eyes and looked towards Sasuke who was watching him from his desk. “I only had a granola bar this morning.”
Sasuke smiled a bit, shaking his head. “Of course you did.” He reached for his phone. “I can order something. I’m kinda hungry too and Hinata will probably be hungry when she finishes with the client she has. Tacos?”
“Burrito for me.” Gaara replied, turning onto his side. “I don’t care what kind but make sure you add extra hot sauce. Also chips and salsa or Hinata will kill us for forgetting.”
“You’re so right; she will.” Sasuke chuckled a little bit and tapped away on his phone for a minute or two before he set it back down. He stretched out a little and yawned. “It’ll be about thirty minutes.”
“Cool.” Gaara murmured, letting his eyes slip shut again.
He heard Sasuke scoot his chair closer to the couch and, a moment later, ask, “Are you doing anything tonight?”
Gaara shrugged awkwardly. “I’m going to Lee’s tonight. I think Neji and TenTen will be there as well.” It had been quite a while since he and Lee had hung out. Lee’s schedule was a little insane and he tried to match it with Sakura’s constantly changing one as often as he could. “Why?”
“Just wondering.” Sasuke assured him. “Not seeing your boyfriend tonight?”
Gaara turned his head so he could squint properly at his friend. “Not tonight, no.” He had considered it. Kushina and Minato had all but begged him to come over for dinner again soon the other day and he was pretty sure Naruto wouldn’t have minded but Gaara needed some space. Just a little bit. He needed to think about this revelation, this…crush.
Not that he wanted to really think about it in the long run. That was too much, too soon, and he’d work himself up over nothing. The truth of it was that he was crushing on Naruto and it was like the plot of some bad romance book or something. Gaara wasn’t an idiot, of course. What he had with Naruto was vastly different from anything else he’d ever had and he knew, rationally, that his crush might have just been a case of puppy love. A small crush on the one person he was constantly with that made him smile, that was easy to be around and who he had sex with a few times. It was troubling, yeah, but the last thing he wanted to do was think about it too hard. They were breaking up in a few months and they would still be friends later. That would be the time to think about it and make himself crazy with worry. When they weren’t constantly sucking face and holding hands and making everyone, save for Sasuke, believe they were in love, then he’d be free to consider his options and go from there.
Why complicate things so much when his feelings could change the moment their dynamic did?
Their food arrived about thirty minutes later, as expected, and it was just in time for Hinata to emerge from her tattoo room with her client. While she busied herself with going over after care rules and everything else, Sasuke and Gaara spread out the food on their little table and got drinks from their little mini fridge. When Hinata came back she happily plopped down on the couch next to Gaara, grinning brightly as she scooped up some salsa with a tortilla chip and ate it. “Ugh, you two are the best. I was craving chips and salsa so bad last night.”
“Always happy to provide.” Sasuke bowed dramatically, sitting back in his chair and grabbing a taco from one of the take out boxes. “I heard it's supposed to snow soon.”
“Really late in the month for it.” Hinata murmured, frowning softly. “I hope it isn’t too bad, then. I hope it’s gone or mostly gone by Christmas Day at least. I don’t want to be stuck at my dad’s.”
Gaara looked over at her with a frown of his own. “You’re going over to his place for Christmas?”
Hinata sighed and nodded, biting into a chip with a little too much force. “I am. Shino is coming with me. Neji and Tenten will be there as well so if we do get snowed in for a day or two I won’t be stuck there alone.”
Gaara felt a little better about that, at least. He looked over at Sasuke who was shoving a taco into his mouth like his life depended on it. It was atrocious to look at and Gaara and Hinata both laughed loudly, Gaara nearly dropping his burrito. “Sasuke, damn, no one’s taking it from you.”
Sasuke flipped them both off, cheeks packed full of food as he chewed, not an ounce of shame in him. That was definitely from being around Naruto and Suigetsu, Gaara knew. Sasuke was usually so pristine when he ate unless he was starving which he clearly was. He swallowed and downed a few gulps from a water bottle before looking at Gaara and Hinata with a raised eyebrow. “Can’t a man devour a whole taco in one bite in peace?”
“Absolutely not.” Hinata snickered, a hand coming up to tap the corner of her mouth. “You got a little something…”
It looked like guacamole on the corner of Sasuke’s mouth. Gaara snorted and held a napkin out to him, laughing again when it was snatched away. “And you always give me shit for not eating in the morning. Did you even have breakfast?”
Sasuke rolled his eyes as he wiped at his mouth. “Of course.” He muttered, setting the napkin on the table and grabbing a second taco. “Not much, I’ll admit. I was running late and Suigetsu was eating waffles so I took a few bites before I rushed out the door.” He looked towards Hinata. “If your dad starts shit with you, make Shino take you home. If you guys really do get stuck there because of snow or something then call me; I can borrow Suigetsu’s truck and come get you guys.”
Hinata shot him a small smile. “I will. Promise.” She would not, they all knew. She’d grin and deal with it because she wouldn’t give her father the satisfaction of knowing he affected her that badly. Besides, her little sister would be there and she wouldn’t want to miss that. Her sister was half way across the country for school and Hinata and Neji both soaked up as much time with her as they could. “Gaara, what are you doing for Christmas? The usual?”
Gaara nodded. “Mhm…Naruto’s parents invited me over to join them but I don’t think I’ll go.”
Gaara definitely didn’t miss the way Sasuke eyed him for a moment. Sasuke probably knew Gaara’s exact reason for refusing; Gaara had no real right to go if he and Naruto were just faking it. Gaara ignored Sasuke’s gaze, though, and offered a small smile at Hinata. “It’s too weird for me to just dip on our usual routine…at least this year. Maybe next time”
Though if they weren’t dating next Christmas would he even be invited? The chance of his feelings being returned, if they were even real in the first place, was incredibly slim. Naruto had a wide range of people to pick from. Why in the world would he ever settle for someone like Gaara, someone with little experience and even less patience to learn how to love someone correctly.
“That’s nice that they invited you.” Hinata mused, setting her salsa and chips down and reaching for one of the tacos. “I don’t blame you for declining, though. It sort of feels a little too early in your relationship to really do something like that, you know?” She paused then, her taco halfway to her mouth as her eyes widened. “Shit, you didn’t even ask for my opinion, that was so rude of me. I’m sorry, Gaara.”
“It’s fine; I agree.” Gaara assured her with the tiniest shake of his head. Even if they were dating for real it would have been too soon, in Gaara’s mind, to break a tradition and spend a holiday with Naruto’s family instead of his own.
That was the scary part about maybe having a crush on anyone, not just Naruto. The scary part about maybe, eventually, learning how to love someone was that it would mean he was willing to part from what he was used to, willing to slot himself into someone else’s tradition and, maybe, slot someone else into his own. It wasn’t a bad thing and he knew that but it was so strange to think about loving someone enough to part from what made him feel safe all these years.
With Naruto, though, he had a feeling he wouldn’t mind that much and that was the worst part.
Sasuke and Hinata fell into conversation about some show the two of them were watching and Gaara was content to fall back into the couch, eating and silently listening. He would have been content to do just that, honestly, but he looked up a little when Konan came walking over, arms crossed. “Gaara, there’s a lady here to see you. She said her name is Mei?”
Gaara froze for a second, his brain struggling to keep up with what Konan had told him. Mei? His father’s girlfriend? Here? Here at his place of work? Sasuke and Hinata were staring at him and, honestly, Sasuke looked ready to get up and kick the woman out himself. He wouldn’t, of course, unless Gaara asked him to. But Gaara sucked in a deep breath and nodded, wiping his hands with a napkin as he stood up. “I’ll handle it. Thank you, Konan.”
It was a bizarre sight, Mei standing at the front of the shop gazing thoughtfully at the tattoo examples lining the walls. Gaara lingered by the front desk, frowning softly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Mei?”
Mei whirled around, red hair whipping in a small circle, and then smiled softly in his direction. “Hey, Gaara.” She murmured as she took a step closer to him. She glanced around again for just a quick moment. “I was hoping you and I could talk for a minute if you have time?”
“I have time.” Gaara replied softly. He had plenty of time. At least two hours until his next client, if he remembered correctly.
He was nervous. If Mei was here, did that mean his father was close by as well? Was he just outside, waiting for Mei to get Gaara alone? It didn’t make any sense, though, for Rasa to be lingering around and letting Mei do his work for him. Mei wouldn’t have, anyway, because she tried to stay as neutral as possible when it came to Rasa’s issues with his children.
Gaara gestured for Mei to follow him, leading her through the employee area and to his usual work room. The woman took a seat across the room from Gaara and he took in her clothes for the first time. Work out clothes, it looked like. She probably frequented one of the gyms nearby and had decided to see if she could catch him in a free moment. He didn’t realize Mei knew where he worked, honestly.
“I’m sorry to show up out of the blue like this,” She set her purse in her lap and offered him an apologetic smile. “I was meaning to come by at some point and I sort of got in my head about it. I figured if I didn’t do it today then I wouldn’t at all.”
“Is something wrong?” Gaara couldn’t think of a single reason why she would be here and what she could want. Begging for him to take pity on his father, perhaps? Trying to convince him that he and his siblings had to go to their wedding despite their feelings about it?
Mei’s eyes widened a bit and she shook her head quickly. “No, no. Sorry. No, nothing is wrong.” She assured him with a small smile. It was like she wasn’t sure what to say at first or if she should say it at all. She knew her presence made Gaara nervous and, despite how much he wanted to dislike her, he knew that she wasn’t trying to make him nervous on purpose. She never had. That was probably the problem, if he were to sit and think about it.
Mei had never pushed any of them. She had kept to herself as much as she could but always jumped at the chance to have any attention from Gaara and his siblings that they would allow her to have. It was complicated, her relationship with their father and how that made them feel, but if they put that aside for a moment, Mei had always been kind to them and respectful of their boundaries, as bizarre as it was. That was sort of intimidating for Gaara. To have someone older than him like that be so willing to respect his boundaries.
Mei sighed and leaned back in the chair she had sat in, tilting her head a little at him. “I want you to know that I’m not here for your dad or anything. He doesn’t even know I’m here.”
Gaara bit his lip and nodded slowly. “...Then why are you here, Mei?”
The woman looked down at the purse in her lap and, for the first time since Gaara had met her, she looked nervous. “I wanted to apologize for when you all came over. I’m not going to sit here and try to justify what your father did to any of you when you were children; that’s not my place and there really is no way to justify it.” She looked back at him, her expression warm and welcoming and, perhaps, just a little sad. “I know you kids each have your own pasts with him. I won’t ever try to erase that. What I’m going to say next, I don’t say to try and sway your opinion or anything.”
Gaara knew Mei loved his father. She loved him a lot. She also loved Gaara even when he made it hard, even when she was still just a business partner that came over once a week and made awkward conversation with him after school. “You can say whatever you want, Mei.”
“Your father struggled when your mother died.” Mei murmured, a hand coming up to twirl a strand of hair around one of her fingers. “Like I said, I won’t justify what he did to you kids. I didn’t know him that well all those years ago and only met him when you were a teenager. Even then he was struggling and he took it out on all of you and that wasn’t okay. I don’t believe in that sort of thing but I do believe in making yourself a better person and paying for what you’ve done. Your father…has spent a lot of time working on himself these last few years.” She smiled fondly, a tiny little smile that practically oozed with affection. “He’s been going to therapy the last year and a half, you know. It’s a slow process for him because he doesn’t want to look at the past but…I’ve noticed some changes. I think there’s some parts of his life as a father that he just can’t look at right now, that he isn’t ready to acknowledge because if he acknowledged it he’d have to work to fix it. But he does love you kids. As…messed up as it is and as cruel as he was, he loves you kids. He wanted to keep giving you all space because he knew none of you, you especially, wanted to see him. I was the one that convinced him to reach out to you guys and for that I am so, so sorry, Gaara. It was thoughtless of me.”
That was sort of a lot of information about his dad to take in at once. The initial and instinctual reaction he had to scowl was almost impossible to fight but he managed it just barely, instead keeping his expression as cool and controlled as possible. “It isn’t your fault that we had that argument, Mei.” That was true. It wasn’t her fault.
“I just wanted us to share news that was amazing for us with you kids,” Mei reached into her purse, rummaging around a bit until she pulled out chapstick, looking at Gaara for a moment. “You don’t have to come to the wedding. As much as I would love for you kids to be there and as much as I know your father would love it, I’d never forgive myself or him if you three forced yourselves to go.”
They weren’t going to go in the first place but there was a strange sort of relief that came with Mei saying that. It wasn’t like he cared about her approval because he didn’t but there was just something a little assuring about Mei saying that to him, about her not trying to force him to go just to try and make his father happy. Gaara relaxed a little where he sat, watching Mei apply her chapstick and then toss it back into her purse. “How can you stand to be with him after knowing what he’s done?”
Mei didn’t seem surprised by the question. It was the first time any of them had asked her and it didn’t surprise her. Maybe she’d been expecting it all this time, waiting for the day one of them cornered her and demanded to know what was wrong with her for her to love someone like that. Gaara hadn’t cornered her, of course, and probably wouldn’t have anyway. He wasn’t that kind of person.
Mei slid her purse onto the floor and crossed one leg over the other. Her expression shifted, turning to something more thoughtful than before. It was still sincere, however, and there was nothing in her body language that made Gaara feel like she was insincere. It wasn’t like he expected an honest answer to the question in the first place but she was going to answer him and that…well, that made him nervous.
“I wasn’t a very good person when I was younger.” Mei told him, her tone calm and casual as if they were old friends. “I didn’t treat the people I loved correctly because I couldn’t deal with my own problems. I hurt people. Good people. Some who still to this day refuse to have anything to do with me, which is entirely right of them. It took me a long time to learn how to treat the people I love and it took a lot of hard work. Years of it. I was in the middle of getting my own bullshit together when your father and I started to work together.” She sighed almost wistfully, lips twitching into a small smile. “I saw a lot of myself in your father back then. I didn’t know the whole story at the time, obviously, but I knew enough to know that he still had a lot of work to do with and for himself. I guess at first I just wanted to be someone he could lean on. It’s lonely fixing yourself, Gaara. It’s so lonely sometimes.”
It was lonely. Gaara had learned that a few years ago, after therapy and tense conversations with his brother and sister. Trying to fix yourself was isolating at times because at the end of the day the only person that really, truly understood how hard it was to change everything was yourself.
“Your father told me about how he treated you kids a couple of years ago. I think it might have been after your twenty-first birthday?” She shrugged a little bit. “He just ...let it all out and I was horrified, as one would be. But he wanted to be better. He knew he had to be better. He knew that the three of you deserved better but he also knew it would be hard for him to fix everything. He knew it would take him a while. He wasn’t going to contact any of you, save for the periodic money deposits, until he knew with certainty that he was a better person.” And Mei had pushed, just a little, for Rasa to reach out to them. To see his progress, maybe? To see if all the supposed work he’d done had made any changes?
Gaara frowned softly and glanced away. “What are you going to do if he never gets better? If my siblings and I can never forgive him? If he can never acknowledge what he did?” He couldn’t look at her. Not because he was angry, because how could he be angry when she was being so honest when she had no real obligation to be? No, he couldn’t look at her because he already knew what her answer would be.
“I’ll love him anyway.” Mei replied softly. “I know his shame and he knows mine. I’ll love him forever, I think. But Gaara.” She waited until he finally looked at her again to continue. “I want to have a relationship with you and your brother and your sister. I’m not your mother and I’d never try to be. You don’t even have to see me as a stepmother. I just want to be friends with you three, at the very least. I’ve seen you all grow up and I care about you so much. I won’t ask you to forgive your father or to see him; that’s none of my business. But…I’d like to get lunch with you three or see pictures of you guys when you travel or do fun things. I want to be a part of your lives in whatever way you’re comfortable with, without your father looming over the situation, but I also won’t force it. We can never see each other again if that’s what you want and I’ll respect it. I just want you to know that.”
Far too much information to take in at once and Gaara could only stare at the woman with slightly widened eyes, unable to figure out how to respond. His initial response was to, of course, scoff at her and tell her to leave. It was a rude impulse and one Mei didn’t deserve even if Gaara’s emotions towards her were quite conflicting.
“You don’t have to respond to that right now.” Mei held up a hand quickly, shaking her head. She scooped up her purse and stood up, offering him a small smile. “I just wanted the chance to say it. You can choose what you want to do; I won’t bother you anymore about it.”
Gaara stood up slowly and headed for the door but when he gripped the doorknob he paused, looking over his shoulder at her. Mei met his gaze with an arched eyebrow and he sucked in a breath. “...Thank you.”
He wasn’t sure what he was thanking her for. For respecting his boundaries? For her genuinely wanting to have some sort of presence in his life? For being willing to not have any presence at all in his life if that was what he wanted? He wasn’t sure but it felt right to say. He had a new respect for Mei even if he didn’t understand her and her ability to love someone so terrible. There was something to respect about commitment and about someone being willing to know how it looked to others, how it made others feel. But something she had said sort of struck him when she said it.
“I know his shame and he knows mine.”
The shame of once being someone you could never be proud of being. The shame of hurting the people you love the most because you don’t know how to work through whatever horrible, nasty pain that was festering inside of you. The shame of being shameful and, yet, the joy of someone loving you anyway. A person knowing the extent of your shame, the things you don’t want to remember, and still believing that you can be loved.
Terrible that it was in reference to his father but still relevant to…well, everything going on in his life right now.
Gaara murmured a casual goodbye to Mei as he led her out, going back to Hinata and Sasuke. No one asked about Mei and Gaara didn’t tell them anything. There was a wide mixture of feelings racing through him and he wasn’t really sure how to process it or if he even wanted to. But it hadn’t been bad and he knew a little more about Mei than he ever planned to.
“I know his shame and he knows mine.” The words brought one face to mind and Gaara knew, in that moment, that he may have been a little deeper in all of this than he previously thought if he was thinking about Naruto.
6:10 p.m.
“Lee!” Tenten peeked out of Lee’s kitchen, her hair nearly falling free of the messy bun she had tied it up in when she and Neji had arrived earlier. “You made so much food, man, do you want us to take some home with us?”
“Yes!” Lee called back from his spot beside Gaara on the couch, slurping up a mouthful of noodles. “Take literally as much as you want.”
There were enough noodles and marinated veggies and fried meat to last a week, honestly. Lee always made too much food in one go but he was a great cook so usually they all jumped at the chance to take some home. Gaara would take some, that was for sure. He’d be a fool not to.
Tenten sauntered out of the kitchen with a plate of food piled high, plopping onto the smaller couch to the left, Neji sitting at her side. She passed a bottle of water to Neji and relaxed into the couch, looking towards Gaara. “So your stepmom really came into the shop and said all of that?”
“She isn’t my stepmom,” Gaara said through a mouthful of seasoned zucchini. He reached for his napkin and wiped his mouth. “But yes she did.”
“How do you feel about it?” Lee probed gently, turning the movie that he had put on down a few notches and then taking a sip from his own bottle of water.
Gaara shrugged a little bit. “I don’t really know. I probably won’t take her up on her offer, as kind as it was.” He looked over, meeting three curious and patient sets of eyes. “I just can’t separate her from him. It would bother me too much to be around her even if he wasn’t there.” He would always think of Rasa whenever he saw Mei, no matter how kind the woman was and how much she would try to keep her relationship with them separate. “Temari and Kankuro…might. I’m not really sure about them to be honest. I don’t care what they do about it, though.”
“I still think it was a little crappy of her to show up at your place of work.” Neji mumbled, stabbing at his food with a little more force. “But I suppose it’s a good thing that she didn’t mean any real harm.”
“I’m sure if she had tried to start any problems Sasuke would have stepped in.” Lee chuckled softly. “Not that Gaara needs any help, of course, but I know how Sasuke gets when it comes to people bothering you.”
Gaara glanced over at him with a small smirk. “Just like the way Sakura gets when people bother you.”
Lee’s face flushed a light pink and he giggled softly. “Yeah, yeah…she’s so protective sometimes.” He set his plate down on the living room table, the food nearly done. “But that’s just one of the many reasons I adore her.”
“You two are so cute together.” Tenten pointed her fork at him and raised an eyebrow, eyes narrowed a little. “So when the hell are you two going to move in together, Lee?”
Gaara was thankful for the change in conversation and, while Tenten may not have known, he was thankful she had shifted the topic. He nodded slowly and nudged Lee with his elbow, earning him a huff from the other. “She’s right. You two have been together a long time now, you know.”
Lee smacked at him and Gaara swatted his hand away. Lee rolled his eyes, a soft smile on his lips as he sighed quietly. “We have talked about it, you know.” He told them earnestly. “We’ve even looked at some places…money is just a little hard at the moment. But once we find a two bedroom we both love then we’re absolutely going to move in together.”
“A two bedroom?” Neji replied, eyebrows raised slightly.
Lee nodded. “Yep! We figured we’d turn the second bedroom into an at home gym since Sakura’s schedule is so hectic and she doesn’t have a lot of time to go to the gym as much as she likes. I’d use it too. I’d use the hell out of it.” He leaned back into the couch and grinned. “And then later we’d move the gym stuff out and turn it into the kid’s room.”
Tenten and Gaara both started choking at the same time, their shocked expressions matching quite well with Neji’s wide eyed, horrified one. Gaara cleared his throat. “What kid, Lee?”
“Oh my god, is Sakura pregnant? ” Neji hissed quietly as if he were worried someone would hear them if he said it too loudly.
“No, no! She isn’t pregnant!” Lee scoffed. To be fair, Gaara thought it was a safe assumption. What the hell else were they supposed to think?
“You guys are so funny.” Lee giggled softly, shaking his head. “We’ve just talked about it, that’s all.”
“Really?” Tenten asked softly, her shocked expression giving way to one that was softer, fonder. “You guys want to have kids in the future? That’s so cute.”
“At least one kid for sure.” Lee nodded confidently.
Neji cocked his head to the side. “Not to sound like Hinata’s father but are you two going to…get married first? I mean, it isn’t like you have to but people would definitely ask.” He had stopped eating, all of his attention on Lee.
This time Lee seemed to shift nervously on the couch, that blush creeping back onto his face. “Well, it’s funny you ask that..” He bit his lip and shot a small smile at Gaara and then at the other two.
Gaara paused and set down his fork, fixing Lee with a disbelieving look of his own. “Spit it out, Lee. I don’t like it when you’re ominous; that’s my thing.”
Lee grinned softly, running a hand through his hair. “Well, you three are my best friends in the whole world so I wanted to share this with you guys first. I…I’m going to propose to Sakura.” He said it firmly but the moment the words passed his lips his face was turning a brilliant shade of red. Almost as red as Gaara’s hair, honestly.
Gaara shared a look of surprise with both Neji and Tenten before the three of them started to grin softly. Neji crumpled up a napkin and threw it at Lee with a soft chuckle. “Well, it’s about time!”
“When are you doing it?” Tenten leaned over the arm of the couch she was sitting on eagerly. “Is it going to be soon?”
“Not too soon.” Lee assured with a small shake of his head. “I’m thinking about this summer. I haven’t worked out all of the details yet but I think summer would be best. She loves when we go on nature hikes and everything and there’s some really gorgeous spots I know of…”
Gaara’s smile softened. He could already picture it; Lee down on one knee, both he and Sakura probably both on the verge of tears as he proclaimed his undying love for her. Sakura would throw her arms around him, nearly tackling him to the ground, and it would be all she’d talk about for weeks after.
“I’m so happy for you, Lee.” Tenten gushed, looking over at Neji. “Though, I guess that means Neji and I both lost the bet; we kind of had money on Sai and Ino getting hitched first.”
Lee gasped, a hand to his chest dramatically. “As if I would ever let Sai beat me to marriage!”
Neji shrugged. “I suppose not.” He agreed. “But…I’m happy for you as well, Lee.”
“I am, too.” Gaara spoke up, setting his hand on Lee’s knee and giving it a soft squeeze. Lee looked over at him, stars practically in his eyes, and Gaara rolled his eyes a little bit. “Though knowing you, keeping it a secret from Sakura will be very difficult the closer the time comes.”
It wasn’t like Lee was bad at surprises. He was actually pretty good at them unless they involved Sakura. He just loved her that much, Gaara supposed, and could hardly keep anything a surprise. He’d be antsy for weeks leading up to the proposal. Gaara and Tenten and Neji would be fighting quite hard to keep him on track to the perfect proposal. “But the three of us will be there to help. So you better not ruin the surprise for her.” He added firmly.
“Yes, exactly what I was thinking.” Tenten agreed, shooting Lee a mostly playful scowl. Mostly. “Obviously we’ll help you with whatever you need to make the moment perfect but if you fumble and she finds out early, I won’t ever forgive you, Lee. I’ve been waiting for you to propose to her for ages!”
“Guys!” Lee groaned loudly, falling back into the couch with far too much force, making it jerk back a little. “I can totally keep it a secret! I can do anything for love!”
“But you can’t do that.” Neji stated bluntly. “Don’t you remember when you tried to throw her a surprise party two years ago? You told her about it literally a week before it was supposed to happen. It isn’t a surprise party at that point!”
Gaara remembered that. Naruto had “accidentally” spilled his drink all over Gaara’s lap that night. Gaara had, of course, called him a bitch an hour before that for some trivial reason he couldn’t even remember, but the drink being poured into his lap had definitely stuck the most. It was astounding how far they had come, how different they were now that they knew each other. He was pretty sure Naruto wouldn’t pour a drink on him now.
They talked about proposal ideas, locations, and other things for the next two hours. Neji offered to take pictures. Tenten offered to go shopping for nice clothes with Lee if he needed. Gaara offered to help however he could, assuring Lee that he could rely on the three of them whenever he needed. Tenten and Neji left a while after that, after Lee had shoved several containers of leftovers into their arms before promptly shoving them out the front door. Gaara stayed behind to help clean, Lee drying the dishes as Gaara washed and rinsed them before handing them over.
“You didn’t have to stay and help clean, Gaara.” Lee told him with a small chuckle. He had music playing from his phone in the back pocket of his pants, a slightly muffled jazz song filling the room around them past the noise of the sink and dishes.
Gaara shrugged. “I don’t mind. If I didn’t then Neji and Tenten would have.”
“Suppose you’re right.” Lee agreed, taking a clean plate from Gaara’s hand and drying it off. “How have you been? It’s been a while since I checked in with you.” Lee knew about the dinner Gaara had attended at his father’s house. He had explained it, minus some details, earlier that evening when Neji and Tenten were over so that they would understand the significance of Mei showing up today. But he was right; it had been a while since they checked up on each other, not that it was a bad thing. Adult life was just hard and sometimes the most they could do was keep up with each other’s social media posts and text messages when they could manage it. Admittedly, Gaara had spent a lot of time with Naruto lately but it didn’t seem like any of their other friends minded it too much. It was his first relationship, as far as they knew, and Gaara was pretty sure they were giving him the space to enjoy it.
“I’ve been good, actually.” Gaara replied, scrubbing sauce off of a fork before rinsing it, passing it over to Lee. “The issue with my father aside, of course.”
“I’m really happy to hear it.” Lee shot him a grin, bumping his hip into Gaara’s playfully. “It sounds like you and Naruto are doing great as well. I’m really happy for you Gaara. I uh,” He gave a small and sheepish laugh. “To be honest I wasn’t expecting you two to actually be that into each other. I was expecting it to be some….you know, sexual thing for a couple of weeks before you guys went back to trying to kill each other.”
Lee would have been the perfect person to talk to about his sudden and suspicious crush if he only knew the truth of the situation. It sort of irritated Gaara if he were to be honest. He had never really kept secrets from Lee and while yes, he had known he’d be lying to Lee by default when they started this, he never planned on actually wanting to tell him the truth. Lee would have called him dumb, maybe, but he would have listened with an open mind. He would have had really great advice, too.
“I think we were surprised as well.” Gaara offered after he shook those thoughts away, giving Lee a small and sideways smile. “It has definitely been…interesting. But can I ask you something, Lee?”
“Of course, Gaara. You can always ask me anything.”
“How did…” Gaara paused and frowned a little as he scrubbed at another plate, He had to word this carefully. “How…did you know you really liked Sakura? That it wasn’t just some…momentary fascination or puppy love? I mean, was it like the movies and books? Butterflies and fireworks and all of that other dramatic crap?”
Lee was silent for a moment, taking the plate from Gaara once it was clean and drying it off. He set it on the counter and sighed, turning to face Gaara and leaning against the counter. “I guess it was like the movies at first.” He admitted, arms crossed as he thought it over. “I think it’s always kind of like the movies when you start. Everything is so new and you’re both fumbling around and learning new things about each other by the day. But it starts to change, you know? It stops feeling like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff. It stops feeling like an adrenaline rush every time you hold hands or kiss.”
Gaara shut off the sink, drying his hands on his t-shirt. “What does it feel like, then?”
Lee smiled softly. “It starts to feel like home, I guess. Like a part of you came home and you never even really knew you were missing it until that moment. You hold their hand and you know that you’re safe and you’re cared for. You stop wondering “how can I trust them with my heart” and start being so humbled by the fact that they trust you with their heart. Everything just comes together and it finally feels right, like you could face the entire world as long as you two have each other.”
It was an answer he would have expected from someone like Lee but it also struck him a little hard in the moment. He didn’t want to compare his possible feelings for Naruto to Lee’s very real and serious relationship with Sakura but what Lee said had sort of shaken him. It wasn’t entirely like his situation with Naruto. There were still things that felt the way the movies and books said it would; fireworks and butterflies in his stomach and sweaty palms. But there were some things that felt…different. Naruto’s hand in his own. The way Naruto always set a hand on his knee in a subtle way to check in with him, to let him know he was there. The way being honest felt so freeing with Naruto in a way that he’d never experienced. The way sometimes, if he let his guard down enough, it felt like Naruto had always been this sort of presence in his life.
“Why do you ask?” Lee’s foot nudged Gaara’s lightly and he shot him a playful smile. “Are you in love-love with Naruto, Gaara?” He asked with a soft giggle, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Gaara rolled his eyes. Hard. He kicked at Lee’s foot. “Don’t be ridiculous; we’ve only been together for like, two months. I was just asking…just in case. For the future.”
It wasn’t a very convincing answer but Lee didn’t push it. That was the difference when it came to Lee and Sasuke. Lee never pushed or poked at a situation. Sasuke, while not out of malicious intent, was a pusher at times because he cared. Lee, on the other hand, was content to let Gaara come to him when he felt like it. A lot of the times Gaara needed Sasuke to push him a little because he was so good at holding everything in. But sometimes he needed Lee’s patience, the assurance that Lee was fine with not pushing for more, that he didn’t expect Gaara to bare his heart and soul before he was ready to.
And gods, Gaara definitely wasn’t ready to yet.
Friday, December 29th 5:05 p.m.
Christmas came and went in a blur of familiar faces and just enough snow for it to be annoying. Gaara had kept to his original plan of sticking with his usual tradition for the holidays and spent it with Kiba and Shikamaru’s families. He and Naruto talked often, as they usually did, and Gaara tried not to think about the way hearing Naruto’s voice on the other end of the phone made him feel.
Now, on a chilly Friday evening, Gaara was sitting in his car waiting for Naruto to finish up at the school. They had no students, holiday break still going strong, but Naruto and the other teachers had gotten together to plan out the rest of the year’s family events for the kids and to tidy up their classrooms and to, Gaara assumed, mingle with each other without the pressures of their students and parents needing them. Naruto had said that they did this for most longer holiday breaks and it helped all the teachers stay in the loop and aware of everything that would be happening with the school.
Gaara didn’t mind waiting. He hadn’t worked at all today and had been snuggled up in bed with Shukaku for most of the afternoon.
Naruto came jogging out of the school after a few minutes and Gaara prayed the other didn’t slip on the icy sidewalk. The last thing they needed was Naruto busting his head open because he lost his footing outside his place of work. Luckily, Naruto reached the car with no injuries and all but threw himself into the passenger seat, tossing his backpack into the back seat before looking over at Gaara. He was dressed in a fluffy orange sweater, jeans, and a pair of boots Gaara hadn’t seen him wear before. The tip of his nose and the tips of his ears were red from the cold but it didn’t seem to dampen his mood at all. “You weren’t waiting long, were you?”
Gaara shook his head, reaching over to turn the heat up a little more. “No. I’ve only been here for ten minutes or so.”
“Good.” Naruto breathed, buckling his seat belt as Gaara started the car up. “Thanks for picking me up. Are you still cool with going to the mall like we planned?”
Gaara nodded. “Yeah.” As much as he hated the mall he was feeling a little under stimulated and needed to go out for a bit. Even if it meant braving the bustling and packed mall that he dreaded so much. “I like window shopping.”
“Just let me know if you wanna leave.” Naruto told him seriously. “I’ll drop what I’m doing and we can go.”
Gaara shrugged a bit. “I’ll be fine.” He would be fine. He wasn’t that worried about it. The mall seemed far less intimidating now that Naruto knew him so well and knew how to deal with him. Their first trip to the mall together after that Halloween party had been tense and exhausting and left Gaara feeling irritated in ways he’d never imagined. He felt better about this trip, though.
“Oh, hey.” Naruto pulled out his phone and started typing something though Gaara was too focused on the road to really know for sure. “Your birthday is next month, right? On the nineteenth?”
Gaara blinked in surprise as he rolled to a stop at a red light. “How did you know?”
“Sasuke had it marked on his calendar.” Naruto told him, looking over with a shrug. “He was writing down something for the end of next month and I saw. Anyway, do you want to do something together that day? I sort of had an idea.” He held up his phone for Gaara to see.
The idea was the aquarium across town. Gaara had never been there before but it was downtown sort of close to where Lee worked and he himself had driven by it many times. The photo that was displayed on Naruto’s phone showed a family in front of a jellyfish exhibit, the white wisp-like creatures a bright white against the dark water they swam in.
Gaara cocked his head to the side before looking back at the stop light. “I’ve never been there.”
“I went like, four years ago with Hinata and Ino.” Naruto told him. “It was really cool. I don’t know how you feel about fish and all that but it really is super pretty. I figured you’d like it and it would be fun to go on your birthday.”
Was this a date? Was Naruto asking him on a date or was this just a friendly birthday idea? Gaara wasn’t against it at all. He had no real strong feelings about fish in general but he never really had the opportunity to go to an aquarium before. They always seemed cool in movies and shows and honestly he could take some pictures of some of the animals to base tattoos off of if anything. “We can go.” He answered as the light turned green and he started driving again.
“You sure? If you have something else planned…”
“I don’t celebrate my birthday.” Gaara murmured. He grimaced a bit at how that sounded and shook his head. “No, I mean I do celebrate it. Sort of. More for everyone else’s sake. My brother and sister and also Kiba and Shikamaru always really like to get together for it. Usually not until late afternoon and well into the evening, though, so I’ll be free that entire morning. You can just go home with me after and join in on whatever dinner and movie and present plans they have.”
It wasn’t like Gaara was dreading his birthday because he never really did. Having attention on him just made him feel awkward and he never knew how to accept gifts without looking as awkward as he felt. There would be friends dropping by that whole week to drop off gifts, he knew, and at least that part would be fast. The usual dinner and hang out he and his siblings did every year would be fine, if maybe a little awkward, but the idea of Naruto joining this time made something warm flood Gaara’s heart.
Ugh.
“I’d love to join.” Naruto assured, the grin evident in his voice. “Are you sure I won’t be intruding?”
“I wouldn’t have invited you if you were.”
“I don’t know, Gaara; you do weird shit to be polite sometimes.”
Gaara chuckled softly. “That’s fair. You can come, Naruto. I’d like you to be there.” Saying it made him feel a little scandalous. He had to fight away the blush that was slowly creeping onto his face. “The others would like it, too.”
“Then I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
The mall was about as packed and busy as Gaara expected it to be. He felt rather proud of himself for not immediately turning back around and leaving, instead pressing close to Naruto, their arms linked, as they weaved through the sea of people to dip into the stores that caught their eye. Naruto veered towards most of the shoe and clothing stores, running his fingers over dress shirts and t-shirts to feel their material, gushing about the newest edition skate-style shoes that he planned to get as soon as his usual everyday shoes wore out. Gaara was content to watch, smiling softly as Naruto showed him what he liked and what he didn’t.
Naruto also veered them into a gaming store, following Gaara around as he pointed out the games he had played and how he felt about him. Naruto had the most questions about the horror games, knowing Gaara had played them, and Gaara was all too willing to answer. They stopped in a few art stores and some toy shops before finally making their way to the food court. Gaara wasn’t nearly as tired and over stimulated as he expected to be, thank god, and he sent Naruto to snag a table for them while he got them some food. A burger for Naruto and chicken wrap for himself. He made his way back to Naruto and sat down across from him, pushing the tray of food towards him. “The burger is yours.”
“You spoil me.” Naruto batted his eyelashes at Gaara playfully.
Gaara snorted as he bit into his chicken wrap. “Eat your food. Tell me about your meeting with the other teachers.”
Naruto fell into an animated explanation about winter sports plans for the children and the various class trip ideas that were being tossed around. (He was partial to taking the kids to an amusement park but was pretty sure they’d have to settle for the zoo). It was always very obvious how much Naruto enjoyed his job and Gaara liked to listen to him talk about it. There was just something nice about listening to someone talk about what they were passionate about. He listened with a small smile on his lips, hand resting in his chin once he had finished eating, and would have been content to listen all evening if a voice hadn’t cut in and interrupted them.
“Gaara?” The voice wasn’t familiar to him at all. “Gaara Sabaku?”
Gaara turned to the side to face the voice, being met with a girl that looked to be about his age with shoulder length brown hair and dark eyes. She was looking at him curiously, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Instantly, Gaara knew that he must know this girl. How he knew her, he wasn’t sure, but there was something about her face that seemed familiar in a way he couldn’t place. He frowned softly and nodded. “Uh…yes? That’s me.”
Had he done a tattoo for her in the past? Seen her in passing at the shop, maybe?
The smile on the girl’s face widened and she laughed softly in what seemed like relief. “Oh, man, that’s good. It would have been so embarrassing if I was wrong. You probably don’t remember me but I’m Matsuri? I lived across the street from you in Suna up until high school? We were desk mates all year in fifth grade?”
The memories were a little vague but they washed over him like a tidal wave. The kind and energetic little girl across the street that often rough housed with Kankuro. The very same girl that greeted Gaara every morning before class started and walked home with him and his siblings every day. The same girl that shared her pencils and snacks and everything else with him like it was nothing, like she never expected him to pay her back for everything. The same girl that could have been his friend, truly, if he had been in the mental state to accept it and let it happen.
Gaara’s eyes widened a bit. “Matsuri.” He murmured, the name feeling foreign on his lips but, in some weird way, feeling correct. He shook his head in disbelief and offered up a small smile of his own. “No. I remember you. It’s been a really long time.”
“Tell me about it.” Matsuri laughed, hands on her hips as she tilted her head at him. “You look great, man.”
“Thank you. So do you.” He murmured and then caught sight of Naruto from the corner of his eye. He gestured towards him quickly, making Matsuri look over at him. “This is my friend, Naruto.”
“Nice to meet you, Naruto.” Matsuri beamed and it was a wide, elated type of grin that Gaara remembered about her the most. It suited her.
Naruto seemed surprised to be included and, to Gaara’s surprise, seemed a little sheepish as he waved a little to her. “Nice to meet you, too.”
Matsuri looked back at Gaara. “I can’t believe I ran into you but ugh, I’m sort of on a time limit. My grandma is a few stores back piling candles into a basket.” She gave a dramatic sigh and a shake of her head before she fished her phone out of the pocket of her brown jacket. She glanced back at Gaara with a small smile. “I’m in town for a while and I’d love to catch up with you, if that’s alright? I feel totally bad for intruding on whatever you two were doing.”
Gaara shrugged. “Sure, yeah. We can catch up.” He took her phone from her when she held it out, putting in his phone number and passing it back to her with a soft smile of his own. “Just text me later and we’ll figure something out.”
“Absolutely!” She shoved her phone back into her pocket and offered a wave at Naruto. “It was nice meeting, you Naruto. Talk to you later, Gaara.” Then she was off, racing towards a candle store in the distance.
Gaara turned back towards Naruto in his seat and Naruto was already looking at him, an expression on his face that Gaara didn’t really understand. He bit the inside of his cheek for a moment before speaking, “I haven’t seen her since I was about twelve.”
“Was she nice to you?” Naruto probed. His tone was entirely too serious but Gaara couldn’t really blame him. Naruto knew how he had grown up so obviously he would be worried.
“She was, actually.” Gaara nodded, resting his chin in his palm again. “I don’t remember a lot about being that young. I try to forget it, honestly, but she was always pretty nice to me and she got along with Kankuro and Temari pretty well. I think she might have had a vague idea about our dad but she never treated me any differently. I’m sure I was a total jerk to her sometimes. I think Kankuro used to tease me because she had a crush on me back then.”
Not that he had ever paid any mind to it. When you’re that young you never really paid much mind to someone liking you. Childhood crushes came and went faster than anything else and it was the last thing on his mind back then, anyway.
Naruto frowned just a little bit before he smiled in a way that didn’t seem entirely true. “What if she still likes you? How crazy would that be?”
Gaara grimaced a bit at the idea. “It’s been so long and we’re practically strangers. She probably just really wants to catch up.” He wasn’t exactly sure why Naruto suddenly seemed concerned about it. “Are you worried?”
It was wishful thinking to think Naruto would have been jealous and Gaara wasn’t going to pray for that.
Naruto shrugged his shoulders. “I just know how it was for you as a kid, that’s all. I’d hate for you to get…I don’t know, worked up or reminded of something bad if you two reconnect, you know? But I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to her a bit. If you two were friends back then.”
Ah, of course. Naruto was looking out for him like he always had been since they started talking. He was a little bummed that it wasn’t jealousy but that couldn’t be helped; he was crushing hard and crushes made you stupid, apparently.
Gaara shook himself free of those thoughts and checked the time on his phone. “If you’re done eating do you want to do one more lap around the mall before I take you home? We can swing by that shoe store you were drooling in.”
Naruto’s expression brightened almost immediately and he shot to his feet, metal chair scraping against the floor with a horribly ugly screech. “Absolutely! I saw some shoes that you would look totally killer in, too, Gaara!”
10:45 p.m.
Gaara had a text waiting on his phone when he stepped out of the shower, drying his hair with his towel.
Hey, it's Matsuri! Sorry for the late text but I’m pretty busy for most of this week. Are you free right now? You can swing by my grandma’s place and we can catch up for a bit. I’ve got hot chocolate and snacks.
He wasn’t fond of leaving his house at night but he didn’t work tomorrow. He glanced at his bed, half made and with Shukaku passed out on top of his pillow before he threw his towel aside and went to his closet to grab a sweater.
I’m free. Send me the address.
Matsuri’s grandmother’s house wasn’t too far away, the drive only taking about twenty minutes. It was a cute little two story house with an iron gate around it and he was willing to bet that if there wasn’t still snow sticking stubbornly to every surface, there would have been flowers filling the flowerbeds underneath the front windows. Matsuri was standing just inside the gate and waved excitedly at him as he stepped into the yard, shutting the gate behind himself.
“Follow me.” She instructed him. She led him around the house, the small layer of stubborn snow crunching underneath their feet as they passed through a side gate into the back yard. There was a back porch here with a porch swing, a thick blanket covering it and a small table with a thermos and some sort of plastic container Gaara couldn’t see inside of. They took their seats on the porch swing, Matsuri reaching for the thermos and two little plastic cups. “Want some hot chocolate? It's still nice and hot; I made it while you were on your way over.”
“Absolutely.” He nodded and took the drink when it was handed to him. It warmed his hands instantly and he took a sip, smiling a bit. “It’s good. Are you sure you’re okay sitting outside?”
“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” She waved it off as she poured herself a cup. “The cold doesn’t bother me too much these days. Plus I have the blanket here.” She patted the blanket underneath them before she took a rather large gulp from her cup. “Thanks for coming, by the way. I wasn’t sure when I’d have a chance to hang out later. I have so much going on leading up to when I leave again.”
“Were you just dropping by for the holidays?” He asked curiously.
Matsuri nodded, leaning back into the swing. “Mhm. Grandma’s been really sick lately so I took extra time off of work to come stay with her. My parents and some cousins were here for Christmas, too, but they all left yesterday. Grandma likes the company and I had more than enough paid leave to use so I don’t mind.”
“What do you do for work?” Gaara took another sip of his drink. He couldn’t really recall anything about her passions or likes when they were kids aside from her competitive nature and how often she seemed to wind up rough housing with Kankuro.
“I’m actually a wildlife photographer.” She replied and when Gaara blinked at her in surprise she laughed loudly. “I know, it sounds so unlike me, right? But I love it. It lets me travel to so many different places and see so many amazing animals. I do a lot of conservation work with it. I spent a majority of last year way up north following elk and other colder climate animals.”
It certainly wasn’t a job he would have ever expected for her but they’d been separated for such a long time. He did recall, though, that most summers she was always away at a family member’s ranch tending to horses and goats and other animals. She had always seemed pretty excited about that. “That sounds really cool, actually. That’s kind of amazing.”
“It’s fun, that’s for sure.” She downed the rest of her drink in another giant gulp, setting her cup back on the table and reaching for that earlier mentioned plastic container. “Do you want some cookies? Grandma made them this morning. They’re peanut butter, if that matters to you.”
“Sure, I’ll have one.” He replied, taking one when it was handed to him and taking a bite. “So, are you still living in Suna mainly?”
“Yeah but it’s more…on and off.” Matsuri shrugged, biting into a cookie. “I mean, when I am back in town I stay with my parents still. We’re in that same house; they never wanted to move but by the time I graduated high school I was so ready to leave. You’ve been here in Konoha ever since your dad moved you guys before high school, yeah?”
Gaara nodded. “Mhm. We like it here.”
“You’re a tattoo artist, right?” She turned to face him a little more, grinning softly. “I’ve sort of been stalking your work for the last two years. You actually did a tattoo for a friend of mine when she was visiting family two years ago and I was absolutely in love with it. She showed me your shop and when I saw your face in one of the pictures I almost lost my mind. I couldn’t believe it! The quiet, cranky kid from across the street became so cool and talented! I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo from you but I honestly have no clue what I would even get.”
What a small world, Gaara thought to himself. He chuckled a little bit and glanced out at the backyard before them, at the glistening and icy stone path that led further into it and towards another section of flower beds. “Well, I’d be more than happy to do one for you if you ever decide.”
“Maybe in another year or two.” Matsuri sighed softly, shrugging again. Her gaze softened when Gaara looked back at her, her smile looking just a tough melancholy under the light of the moon. “I was really worried about you guys when you all moved.”
Gaara glanced down at his cup and the cookie in his hand, frowning softly. “Were you?”
“Yeah.” She replied quietly. “I always knew there was something wrong with your home life but I was too young to really understand it. By the time I was old enough to really put the pieces together, your dad was packing you all up and moving out of town. I remember being so scared for you guys and feeling so bad that I never saw anything sooner.”
Gaara didn’t recall enough about that time period but he knew that he’d been young, too young to act out entirely but old enough to know what would happen if he told anyone how their father treated them. He was a cranky kid, sure, and the violent tendencies hadn’t really shown until Rasa had uprooted them entirely, thrusting them into a new town and a new school and even worse treatment, but he was almost certain there had been signs even when he was that young. Signs most other children would have missed. Signs that the adults should have picked up on. But he couldn’t dwell on that and he wouldn’t.
“To be fair,” He began, keeping his voice casual and offering her a rather dry smile. “Even if you had noticed back then, there wasn’t much that could have been done. We’re away from him now and we’re happy. That’s what matters. Temari and Kankuro met the loves of their lives, they’re happy with work, and the three of us created a home together. After years of…stress and miscommunication and everything else…we’re better. Happier. Even if our father is still alive and well, we don’t have to see him and that’s honestly all that matters most of the time.”
Matsuri seemed to relax as he said that, as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. She laughed quietly and rubbed a hand over her face, dropping it into her lap as she nodded a little bit at him. “I’m so glad to hear that, Gaara. I know we weren’t super close but…we were friends. I’ve been worried about you three all these years. I’m…really happy that you’re all okay.”
A buzzing in Gaara’s pocket made him jolt in surprise. He set his drink down and shoved the rest of his cookie into his mouth as he pulled out his phone, reading over the text from Naruto that had just come in.
Wanna video chat? I’m bored and don’t want to go to bed yet.
Gaara wiped cookie crumbs from his hand, replying back.
I’m with Matsuri right now but maybe when I get back home?
“Are you texting that cute blonde guy from earlier?” Matsuri nudged him with her elbow, wiggling her eyebrows at him when he looked over at her. “Naruto, right?”
Gaara nodded. “Yeah, Naruto. He’s a good friend of mine.” A great friend. A wonderful friend. A friend he cared for way too much.
Matsuri’s smug smile turned a little smug. “A good friend, huh? Do you like him?”
Gaara rolled his eyes with a small groan. “I don’t think we’re close enough for me to incriminate myself by answering that.”
“Oh, please!” Matsuri scoffed loudly, gesturing to herself. “I mean, you totally knew I had a huge crush on you when we were kids! That’s literally so embarrassing of me, you have to share your crush with me now. Make me feel less embarrassed!”
To be fair, he never really knew for sure how Matsuri had felt for him. Kankuro had been the one to suggest it and Gaara never cared enough to find out the truth. Besides, she seemed totally fine with the idea of Gaara liking Naruto so clearly the childhood crush had long since passed.
Naruto’s response buzzed in his hand.
The girl from before? You went and saw her?
That’s kind of weird.
Wait, no weird was mean of me to say.
Never mind. Have fun.
Something about the texts made Gaara frown softly. At first he wondered if Naruto was mad at him but he shook that thought away. He would have said something if he was angry and there wasn’t even any reason for him to be angry in the first place. He was just bored, like he said, and probably had no one else to talk to. Gaara felt a little bad about it but Naruto was an understanding person. He’d just make it up to Naruto later.
He moved his phone to the pocket of his sweater instead where he was less likely to feel it vibrate due to the thickness of the sweater and then looked back at Matsuri. She was still waiting patiently and Gaara sighed. “I…might have a crush on him. Maybe. I’m still considering it.”
“Considering?” Matsuri echoed with another scoff, nudging him again. “What’s there to consider? He was a major hottie, Gaara! You two looked good together.”
Gaara shoved her a little in a playful sort of way he’d normally save for Hinata or his sister. “We haven’t been friends for very long, for starters!” He huffed at her, crossing his arms and sighing, long and loud. “We also don’t have the best history with each other.”
“Oh?”
“We used to beat the shit out of each other in highschool.”
“I mean, high school sort of does that to people. You seem fine now.”
They did seem fine now. They were pretty great now and that was the whole problem. What right did he have to ruin everything with his feelings?
“It’s complicated.” He told her after a moment. “But you know, you’re the first person I’ve said it to so confidently.”
Matsuri hummed in thought, reaching for the thermos again. “What an honor. But maybe you should say it to him. But don’t take me too seriously; it took me like two years to confess to the guy I’m seeing now, so what do I know?”
Gaara had to laugh at that because the image of the Matsuri he had grown up with being too shy to confess to a boy. But that was the horrible joy of having feelings for someone, wasn’t it? It changed everything.
Gaara reached for another cookie and bit into it, turning to face her more. “Tell me about your man, then. Enough about me.”
Saturday, December 30th 11:30 a.m.
Sasuke maneuvered around Gaara’s kitchen like it was his own, getting himself a bowl from the cabinet and helping himself to the left overs in the fridge. He took a seat at the small kitchen table across from Gaara, spearing some leftover pasta with a fork. He ate it slowly, savoring it like he savored everything Temari made that he had the chance to eat. He had already been over for a few hours, lingering on Gaara’s bed with him while they watched some lame romance movie to pass the time. Hanging out with Sasuke was just easy like that. He showed up whenever he felt like it, or Gaara went to his place, and they fell into a comfortable silence and did whatever the hell they wanted while enjoying each other’s presence.
The problem with Sasuke, however, was that he knew Gaara well enough to know that there was something on his mind. Gaara hadn’t said anything about it but he was sure it was obvious in some way but Sasuke had kindly not asked. Not yet, at least, and he was thankful for that. He needed time to place it correctly in his mind and wait for the right time which, it seemed, was right now.
“I think I have romantic feelings for Naruto.”
Sasuke paused, fork halfway to his mouth, and raised an eyebrow at him from across the table. He set down his fork and leaned back in his chair with a small sigh, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. “Really?”
“I believe so.”
“That’s…a development.”
“I wasn’t expecting it, either.”
“You’ve never had feelings for someone before.” Sasuke pointed out gently. “Are you sure the feelings are romantic?”
“I am.” Gaara replied quietly, crossing his arms and leaning back in his own chair, glancing up at the ceiling to avoid Sasuke’s piercing gaze. “I’ve thought about this a lot, Sasuke. It’s sort of driving me insane.”
Sasuke scoffed quietly and was shaking his head a little when Gaara looked back at him. He started eating his food again. “Well, are you going to tell him?”
The very idea of telling Naruto how he was probably feeling made his stomach flip and churn. Hell, even his palms were sweating. “I don’t know. I’m worried I might be wrong about it. I don’t think I am but if I am and I ruin our friendship I’d never forgive myself. I was going to wait until we decided to talk about our public break up.”
“And then you were going to tell him and see where it goes?” Sasuke guessed with a small frown. “Don’t you think you should stop the fake dating so it’s easier to figure out how you’re feeling? I’d imagine it can be hard to separate the feelings when you two are constantly pretending to be a couple.”
Sasuke had a point. That was why Gaara had been on the fence about telling him in the first place but if anyone was going to tell him what he needed to hear, it would be Sasuke. Even if it sort of annoyed Gaara just a little. He couldn’t argue with that logic, though. It was the exact same logic he had been stuck in himself for a while, now. It just would have been a lot easier if Sasuke had a less open-ended response for him. “Probably. But it would be weird if I told him out of the blue that I wanted everything to stop and if I chicken out, I don’t want him to push me on it. I think waiting until the breakup comes up naturally makes the most sense.”
Sasuke shrugged a little. “Yeah, it definitely seems less suspicious.” He agreed softly. He seemed hesitant and Gaara knew there was something he wasn’t saying. Good or bad, however, he couldn’t be sure.
Gaara frowned a little to himself. “The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on me, if that’s what you want to say. I know how stupid this all is.”
Sasuke looked at him in surprise and then shook his head quickly. “Gaara, having feelings isn’t stupid. I just…really think you should be careful about this so no one gets their feelings hurt. You’ve never had feelings for someone like this and Naruto…” He trailed off, frowning to himself.
“Loves too quickly.” Gaara finished gently. “I know that. But I don’t think he has feelings for me, Sasuke. I’m not expecting him to.”
This time Sasuke looked confused when they locked eyes again. “What are you hoping to gain, then?”
Gaara shrugged his shoulders a little. “Nothing. I just want to be honest with him. I can’t act normally around him without thinking about how I feel.” He told him, frowning down at the table. “If I don’t get this out and just deal with it then being his friend after all of this is going to be too hard for me, Sasuke. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us, especially if it starts to make me act out.”
Sasuke looked like he agreed. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled a little bit, finally resting his chin in his own palm as he gazed at Gaara from across the table. “Little Gaara is all grown up.” He mused softly. “That’s very adult of you, honestly. I think it’s a good idea, then, if you want to wait until the breakup is brought up naturally. I’m not going to try to change your mind because it isn’t too impulsive but…just think about all of this, okay? And when you do tell him, really give both of you time to think it over and think about how you both feel about it. Don’t rush right into anything.”
Gaara scoffed softly. “There won’t be anything to rush into.” He assured. “Naruto will either be weirded out by it and we’ll never talk again, or he’ll be kind enough to let me down gently and we’ll stay friends. Either way, I’ll get over it.”
He didn’t really want to get over it, though. He wanted to call Naruto his boyfriend and mean it, wanted to hold his hand and tease him and joke with him. He wanted to have more late-night talks in his car. He wanted more movie nights with his family with Naruto right there beside him. He wanted everything they already had together and more, so much more. But he would accept whatever Naruto gave him in return. If Naruto laughed in his face, he’d accept that. If Naruto let him down gently then Gaara would do whatever he had to to keep their friendship intact. And if Naruto never wanted to see him again…well, at least he already knew how to live life without Naruto in it.
He would just have to relearn it all over again.
Notes:
Mmmm, you guys may hate me a little in the next chapter and I won't apologize because if there's one staple of my writing, it's angst. But don't worry; it always ends happy. Hang in there, I promise to write something nice and I pray you all still like it. I'm thinking I might only have a few more chapters left of this. Three or four, perhaps. Anyways, till next chapter!
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Chapter 8
Summary:
I've returned and I hope this chapter is enjoyable despite the angst ahead. Unfortunately, this chapter doesn't feel as long as others and I'm super on the fence about how I feel about it. I had rewritten the first half twice, then got COVID, then had to deal with a whole mess of other personal issues, and then rewrote parts of it a THIRD time until I just decided to commit to it and go. So, here's a chapter of Nart's internal anguish to suffer with.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Monday, January 1st, 12:30 p.m.
Naruto hated jealousy. It was an ugly emotion on everyone and it was especially ugly on himself. Being jealous made him act like an attention seeking child and he had been stuck in a vicious cycle of jealousy and self loathing ever since that girl had showed up at the mall and started talking to Gaara.
To backtrack a little bit, Naruto hadn’t cared too much. Not initially. She had seemed nice enough and it was kind of cool that Gaara had someone from his past that seemed like they were a decent person to him. Had Naruto bristled a little bit when he watched Gaara put his phone number into Matsuri’s phone? Sure, just a little bit. But he hadn’t cared in the long run. The momentary weariness had vanished when Gaara had suggested another round through the mall. And besides, Naruto had secured a birthday date with Gaara and that was something he’d been thinking about for days leading up to the moment he finally asked.
What had really set Naruto’s jealousy off had been Gaara telling him that he had been hanging out with Matsuri that very same night. Gaara had never been so quick to hang out with someone like that, at least not as far as Naruto knew, and it had made something nasty and anxious well up inside of his gut. He had, admittedly, acted a little petty in the heat of the moment. Gaara probably wouldn’t have caught it from the texts he sent but Naruto had felt, in that moment, pretty ticked off and had thrown his phone aside for the rest of that night. To be even more petty, he didn’t text Gaara the entire next day. He felt bad about it later, of course, and knew that it was a useless effort anyway. A day or two with no text wouldn’t tip Gaara off to his insane, and frankly unwarranted, jealousy anyway. Besides, Naruto didn’t want Gaara to know he was jealous and he didn’t want Gaara to feel bad for reconnecting with an old friend.
It wasn’t Gaara’s fault that Naruto’s anxiety was trying to swallow him whole, telling him that he would never be a positive part of Gaara’s past the way Matsuri apparently was. He would always be Naruto Uzumaki, the annoying kid that filled Gaara’s teen years with rage and blood. It was a train of thought he would have found himself in eventually, he was sure, but Matsuri showing up had flung him headfirst into it and he just couldn’t dig himself out of it.
He tried not to let it bother him. He was unsuccessful, of course, but he tried to suck it up as he stepped through the door to the shop. Compared to the frosty January air outside, the shop was warm and inviting and Naruto gave a nod towards Konan before moving to the employee area, spotting Sasuke and Hinata at their work desks. Sasuke glanced his way and offered him a small smile. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Naruto sat down on the little couch, waving to Hinata when she shot him a smile over her shoulder. From the glimpse he got of her screen, Naruto could tell she was working hard on some large-scale tattoo piece. He looked towards Sasuke again. “Where’s Gaara?”
“Doing a tattoo.” Sasuke replied. “He’ll probably be done soon.”
Naruto glanced at the time. “Oh, I could have sworn he told me he didn’t have another client until three.”
“This one was a walk-in.” Hinata swiveled her chair around, pulling her hair up and into a quick ponytail with a neon purple hair band that was around her wrist. “But it wasn’t a very big design if I remember correctly. Like Sasuke said, he’ll most likely be done pretty soon.”
Naruto frowned a little. “I thought he didn’t do walk-ins.” Gaara had mentioned it once in passing back when they were still getting to know each other. Naruto had clung to that information for some unknown reason, just as he had clung to anything else Gaara told him.
“He usually doesn’t but he knew this girl.” Sasuke replied, resting an elbow on the arm of his chair and placing his chin in his palm. “A childhood friend from Suna, I guess.”
Naruto’s stomach churned sickly and he frowned again, clenching his fists hard as he felt the far too familiar urge to panic. “Oh. Matsuri.”
“Yeah, I think that was her name!” Hinata nodded, grinning softly because how could she ever know that the other woman’s name alone had set Naruto’s skin on fire? That he was fighting every impulse he had to march over to Gaara’s work room and throw the door open and see how close they were, what part of Matsuri’s body Gaara was touching, what sort of things they were talking about together.
It was fucking insane of him, this panic-induced rage. He hadn’t felt it this strongly since before he and Sasuke had split up and honestly? It fucking scared the hell out of him.
“I didn’t even know that Gaara had any friends from Suna.” Hinata murmured, spinning her chair in a slow, idle circle, oblivious to the anxiety coursing through Naruto’s veins, making his hands tremble a little where they sat, still clenched, in his lap. “She seemed nice.”
“I met her.” Naruto replied, surprised by how even his voice sounded. Well…perhaps not as even as he would have liked. It sounded a little flat if he were to be honest but if he was lucky neither Hinata nor Sasuke would clock it.
Sasuke knew him better than that. His gaze had narrowed just a bit as he stared at Naruto, looking like he was trying to piece together a puzzle. That was actually a good sign. It meant that while, yes, he could tell something was bothering Naruto he didn’t actually know what it was. It wouldn’t take him too long to pinpoint the shift in Naruto’s demeanor as jealousy, though, and that was just not a conversation he wanted to have with Sasuke right now. So, Naruto grinned brightly at his two friends. “She was pretty nice, honestly. I guess they were neighbors or whatever. Kinda cool for Gaara to have a good memory from his childhood, huh?”
The worst part was that despite the searing rage and anxiety, Naruto really did mean what he said. It was so, so good that Gaara and Matsuri had reconnected and he was happy for him but no matter what, he couldn’t shake how awful it all made him feel. And it just made him feel ten times worse knowing how unhappy it made him when he should have been happy for Gaara.
The door of Gaara’s work room opened a moment or two later and Naruto watched with a heavy knot in his gut as Gaara emerged, talking softly with Matsuri at his side. Matsuri had a clear wrapping around her wrist, a safety covering for the new tattoo proudly standing out on her skin. Naruto couldn’t really tell what it was and he honestly didn’t care. He only cared about the soft smile on Gaara’s lips. Gaara’s eyes landed on him when he looked away from Matsuri and that smile widened a bit, making the knot in Naruto’s gut ease just a little. “Hey, Naruto.”
“Hey.” Naruto waved a little and then looked at Matsuri, offering her a smile as well even if he didn’t really want to. “Hey, Matsuri. Cool seeing you again. Did you get a tattoo?”
Matsuri nodded eagerly, gesturing towards her wrist. “I did, actually. It’s funny because just the other night when Gaara came over, I told him that I probably wouldn’t get one for another year or two. But honestly, I had an idea to get my grandma’s handwriting tattooed on me since…she’s been pretty sick the last couple of years.” Her expression softened a little bit. “So Gaara made a stencil of my grandma’s nickname for me from a birthday card she gave me last year and..well, I got the tattoo.”
Well fuck. Now Naruto felt like even more of a jerk about the whole thing. He winced a bit but was quick to recover, nodding eagerly. At least he hoped it was eager. “That’s actually really cool.” He noticed that Matsuri didn’t seem to want to show it off and that was fine; it was personal, anyway, and Naruto respected that. Even if he didn’t really like her that much.
God, what a fucking nightmare situation this was.
Gaara looked at Naruto with a small smile. “Let me get Matsuri all settled with the after care instructions and everything else and then I'll be free.”
“Take your time.” Naruto assured with a lazy wave of his hand.
Gaara and Matsuri left, both of them speaking softly to each other as they did. Naruto watched them go and, in that moment, felt like he was also trying to explode someone with his mind. It wasn't fair of him, sure, and it made him hate himself more than ever, but it couldn't be helped.
He needed to stop. Being jealous because Gaara had reconnected with an old friend was so selfish and honestly, Matsuri probably wasn’t even Gaara’s type. Not…that Naruto really knew what Gaara's type was. He could have been vain and said that he was Gaara's type. That would make sense, right? But with girls…hell, did Gaara even like girls? He was pretty sure Gaara didn't but he also couldn't be totally sure. What if Matsuri ended up being the girl that made Gaara like girls?
Naruto shook his head and tried to focus on whatever conversation Sasuke and Hinata were having. It sounded like they were talking about their current projects and Naruto only half listened, watching Gaara and Matsuri from where they stood at the front of the shop, his exact spot on the couch giving him the perfect view.
Matsuri was laughing and Gaara was…still smiling. Awesome.
God, enough already, Naruto thought about himself and his horrible mood. Nothing was even happening. Gaara was doing his job and his client just so happened to be a girl that used to like him. There was nothing weird happening.
But then Gaara hugged Matsuri and Naruto felt like throwing up. This wasn't the typical polite hug you gave someone to avoid being rude. It wasn't half assed like this. This was a legitimate hug, Gaara's arms around Matsuri's middle and her arms wrapped around his shoulders. She even gave him a squeeze, laughing a bit before she moved away, offering a final wave before she left the shop.
Gaara didn't like being touched. He didn't like touching other people, either. It took a lot for him to feel comfortable enough touching people and he had just hugged Matsuri in a way Naruto had only ever seen him hug Sasuke before.
Suddenly he felt like he was nineteen and fighting tooth and nail for his boyfriend to just fucking look at him for a second. God, he hated feeling like this.
Luckily he didn't have much time to stew in his negative emotions because Gaara had come back, sitting down beside him on the couch. His hand found Naruto's immediately and Naruto couldn't stop the way he flinched. Gaara saw it, of course, but didn't say anything about it. “I'm free for a while now. Sorry about that.”
“No worries.” Naruto shrugged and forced up a small smile. “You sure you have time?”
“Yes. No appointments for another hour or so.” Gaara rolled his shoulders and winced a bit, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck and then one of his shoulders.
“That's good.” Naruto drug out the last word a little, making it stretch a little too long. Like it was awkward and he wasn’t sure what to say next.
“Are you excited about school picking back up for you and your coworkers?” Gaara shifted on the couch, turning to face him better.
Naruto shrugged again. “A little, I guess.” He replied. “The kids always have a bit of trouble adjusting to the routine again after a holiday break but it shouldn't be too bad.”
Usually, Naruto loved casual chat with Gaara. It was something they had never done in the past but also something that felt so natural between them and he had fun no matter what the conversation was about. All he could think about right now, though, were Gaara's arms around Matsuri and how badly he wanted to shake Gaara by the shoulders and cry out, “How can I be enough for you?”
Absolutely horrendous, he already knew that. That was the most annoying part about anxiety; it could come up with the worst ideas and then still make you feel bad for thinking it in the first place. “I think it will be good, though. I'm mostly glad to get back into my usual routine.”
“I can imagine.” Gaara nodded, smiling a little. “The kids love you so I'm sure they've missed you. They'll be happy to see you.”
But was Gaara happy to see him? Did Gaara feel as happy to see him as he did with Matsuri?
That wasn't fucking fair of him to even think. Fuck.
“I bought the tickets for the aquarium.” He told Gaara with a grin, perhaps putting a little too much effort into making his voice sound chipper. “So we’re all set for that. Super excited.”
“You guys are going to the aquarium?” Hinata asked from her seat, looking away from her computer to smile over her shoulder at them.
“For Gaara’s birthday, yeah.” Naruto replied proudly.
“Oh, man, that’s going to be so much fun.” Hinata gushed, sighing fondly. “I haven’t been in a while. I should ask Shino if he wants to go. But you guys will have so much fun. Gaara, you’ll love it.”
Gaara shrugged a little bit and then looked back at Naruto. “I’m actually kind of excited about it. I’ve never been but everyone always says it’s nice.”
Score! That made Naruto feel a little better. Seeing that excited half smile on his face was a win that Naruto held dear to his heart and he rejoiced in being able to make Gaara look like that. “Just be lucky I talked my parents out of going with us. Mom was really pushing for it, you know. She even suggested your brother and sister go, too. She wanted an entire family outing!”
To be fair, the idea had seemed a little appealing to Naruto when his mom had first mentioned it. He had to keep Gaara’s social battery in mind, though, and he really didn’t want to overwhelm him on his birthday of all days. Gaara had enough hang ups as it was. Besides, it would be a nice date for them to enjoy.
Gaara grimaced a bit. “I’m glad you talked her out of it. I…like your parents but that would be a little much for me.” He admitted with a small smile again. “Besides, I don’t need to spend the whole afternoon with my brother and sister that day; they’ll be throwing a party for me that evening as it is.”
From over at his desk, Sasuke groaned a bit. “I still can’t believe I’m going to miss your birthday this year.” He muttered, scowling as he turned in his chair to face them again. He actually looked pretty upset and that was understandable; Sasuke always showed up for Gaara, Sakura, Sai, and Naruto’s birthdays. It was just something he always did because he cared about them.
Gaara shook his head. “Don’t feel bad; it’s Suigetsu’s last night in town for at least the next two months. Spend time with him, Sasuke; you and I see each other every day.”
Sasuke didn’t look convinced but it was a fair thing for Gaara to say. One, Gaara didn’t give half a shit about his own birthday and didn’t care who was there. Two, Suigetsu being out of town for such long periods of time was harder on Sasuke than he liked to ever admit so of course Gaara would have no problems with him sitting out the birthday stuff this year. Sasuke would most likely spend extra time with Gaara later to make up for it. He was cutely determined like that.
Naruto looked back at Gaara, laying his head against the couch. “Who all is going to be there?”
“Temari and Shikamaru…Kiba and Kankuro.” Gaara shrugged and brought a hand up to rub at one of his eyes, fighting back a yawn. “Then you and I, of course. That’s all. Matsuri wanted to go but she leaves town before then so maybe next year.”
Naruto felt the wave of irritation wash over him again and he grit his teeth a little, forcing up a small smile. “Yeah, maybe next year. Sucks she won’t make it.”
It didn’t suck, actually. The mere mental image of Matsuri being there and having such a good time with Gaara and his family, fitting in like she belonged there, made his chest ache a little. He would have died if Matsuri was there. He would have died and felt horrible about it for weeks after. Matsuri seemed nice enough, honestly, and Naruto really hated how much he disliked her. If his feelings for Gaara were different, he probably would have loved Matsuri.
This was exactly why he wasn’t supposed to have romantic feelings for Gaara. How the hell was he supposed to make Gaara fall for him if he was constantly drowning in jealousy and self loathing all the damn time?
“Gaara!” Konan called from the front desk, making Gaara look her way. She gestured to the phone in her hand. “Your next consultation is on the phone. He’s wondering if he can move up his appointment today because a family thing came up. He said he can be here in ten minutes.”
“That works.” Gaara called back before he sighed, looking at Naruto. “Sorry. I have to pull up his stuff I was working on so we can get straight into it when he gets here. I’ll talk to you later?”
Naruto surged forward, pressing a quick kiss to Gaara’s lips that made the redhead blush hard and had Sasuke and Hinata making dramatic gagging sounds from the other side of the room. Gaara rolled his eyes a little and Naruto smirked softly. “Yeah, talk to you later.”
Sunday, January 7th, 11:15 a.m.
Sakura had managed to drag Naruto along with her to the gym. “Drag” was probably not the best word, honestly, because Naruto actually enjoyed the gym a lot. It was a good outlet for all of his energy and it was fun if he went with another person. He liked going with Lee or Sakura the most but from time to time he and Kiba would go if their schedules matched or, on even rarer occasions, he’d go with Ino.
They'd been at the gym for nearly two hours now, finishing off with some time on the stair machines which, admittedly, wasn't Naruto's favorite but he tolerated it. He had a slight burn in his leg muscles already and was eagerly looking forward to getting back into Sakura's air conditioned car despite the cold weather outside. They’d probably head back to Sakura’s place after and she’d whip out some amazing fruit salad she prepared the night before that Naruto was actually really excited about.
Unfortunately, the gym and the promise of delicious fruit did very little to calm his racing mind. It had been racing like crazy since that day at the tattoo shop when he had watched Gaara hug Matsuri like he’d been doing it his entire life. It had consumed his mind when he was at home, distracting him during dinners with his parents and from the hobbies that usually made him happy. It had distracted him at work and being distracted with a class of little kids running around and always needing his attention was a special kind of torture that he couldn’t stand. He knew it was stupid. All of his jealousy was stupid, it always had been and his disastrous relationship with Sasuke had proven that more than enough times. And yet…
“You seem really out of it today, Naruto.” Sakura’s voice made Naruto look over at her. He had thought she was lost in the music in her ear buds but she had apparently put those away a while ago. Had she been climbing the stair machine in silence and just watching him? It made sense as something Sakura would do. She was painfully observant whenever he didn’t want her to be.
Naruto managed a weak smile and shrugged, huffing softly as he continued climbing his own stair machine, his legs burning. “I guess I am a little out of it. Sorry, Sakura. I’m crappy company right now.”
“You’re never bad company.” Sakura assured him, reaching over to pat his shoulder. “What’s bothering you?”
Everything. But how could he explain all of it? He’d have to spill the truth for her to really understand him and…well, telling Sasuke had made Gaara angry enough with him. Hell, Naruto had been lucky that Sasuke had lied in his favor to make sure Gaara didn’t find out about his feelings for him. Sakura, though? He loved her to death but if she knew the truth, most of their friends would know soon, too.
Naruto stopped his stair machine and stepped off of it, crossing his arms as he watched Sakura. “Have you and Lee ever had to deal with…jealousy in your relationship?”
Sakura raised an eyebrow at him, smiling a little. “When we were younger and the relationship was new, yeah. Of course we did.” She brought a hand up to check her hair, making sure it was still secured back by the lavender headband on her head. “Not now, of course. We’re a lot more mature than we used to be and we trust each other more. Is that what’s bothering you? Are you and Gaara dealing with a jealousy issue? He doesn’t strike me as the jealous type.”
“He isn’t but I am.” Naruto replied dryly.
Sakura looked back at him, her expression softening a bit. “You are.” She agreed softly, finally turning off her stair machine before finally stepping off of it. She led Naruto away and to the benches lining the wall of the gym and they sat down, Sakura leaning into him and laying her head on his shoulder. “Tell me about it. Maybe I can help.”
Naruto deflated a little bit, letting his head rest against hers. “Gaara…reunited with a childhood friend. A girl he knew back in Suna, I guess. It’s just…you know how Gaara is, right?”
“I do, yes. Very…reserved. Cautious with people.”
“He wasn’t like that with her, Sakura.” Naruto told her softly, frowning a little. “I’ve never seen him open up to someone so quickly. It…was weird. They hung out that night. He was texting her a lot. It was weird and I don’t think it would normally bother me that much but…” He sighed and turned his head to bury his face in her sweaty hair.
Sakura scoffed and sat up, lifting Naruto’s chin with one hand. “Hey, come on. I’m not a mind reader, you know.”
There wasn’t any impatience in her voice, of course. When it came to Naruto, and Sasuke too really, Sakura had endless patience. She pried, gently, and wouldn’t let him get away without telling her what was wrong but she was patient and calm about it. She knew him well and she knew how to tell when something really was bothering him just like it was now. Naruto trusted her completely with things that were serious like this which was actually hilarious considering her gossiping habit was what landed him in this whole situation with Gaara in the first place.
“She has a good past with him.” Naruto murmured, biting his lip as he struggled for just a moment to place his words. “I…don’t have a good past with him. I have a totally awful one and she has this amazing past with him where they were friends and his siblings liked her and they enjoyed going to school together. Then there’s me who made his high school life miserable and has actually physically hurt him and when I see them together and see how easy that is for him it just makes me feel like throwing up. Which is crazy, right? Here Gaara is reuniting with old friends and being happy and finding something good from his childhood and I’m over here angry and anxious about it. That’s so typical for me.”
“Yeah, that is pretty typical of you.” Sakura agreed, making Naruto scowl softly at her. She chuckled and pulled her headband off of her head, shaking out her sweaty hair before running her hand through it a few times. “I mean, you’ve been like that for a long time and the stuff with Sasuke didn’t help at all. But…Naruto, I think that’s pretty normal.” She reached out and took his hands in her own, squeezing them gently. Her hands were soft. Warm. They fit with his perfectly, just like when they were kids.
“You have a lot of feelings, Naruto, and that isn’t a bad thing. You also have a lot of trauma and…this is a really new relationship for you.” She smiled softly at him. “It's normal to feel jealous and I think it's a good sign that you know how silly it is to be jealous in this situation. You care about Gaara a lot, Naruto, and you just haven’t navigated this kind of situation with him before. It’s totally okay to be jealous. You need to talk to him about it, though.”
Naruto shuddered and pulled his hands away, shaking his head. “No way! He’ll think I’m insane, Sakura. I’ve been pretty honest about how insane I used to act but he hasn’t had to see it. Not entirely. Not to this extent."
“Naruto, the situation won’t solve itself if you don’t communicate with him.” She crossed her arms. “I’d like to think I know him pretty well after all these years and I don’t think he'll think you’re insane. I think he’d just want to understand and Gaara would never do something to upset you on purpose. He’d want to know so you two can work it out together.”
God, she was right. Gaara hated confrontation just as much as he did but he would do it if it meant fixing a relationship with someone he cared about. Gaara did care about him, even if Naruto’s own brain was actively trying to say otherwise. Gaara would feel awful if he knew just how heavy all of this was on his mind, if he knew how miserable Naruto was feeling over it.
“...It's just scary, Sakura.”
Sakura’s gaze softened again and she nodded. “I know it is.” She assured him. “But that means you really, really care about the relationship. You deserve to have a healthy, wonderful relationship, Naruto, and you won’t get that if you let yourself hold everything in until you explode like you used to. You have to come to a point where you mature up and you talk about it even if it’s scary. Do it scared. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Do it scared. Story of his fucking life.
Sakura meant well and Naruto really appreciated her for all of this. Talking about it didn’t make him feel better, not by a long shot, but at least he didn’t feel nearly as crazy about the whole situation. Would he talk to Gaara about it, though? How would Gaara even react to Naruto spewing out his jealous guts right at his feet? Gaara seemed like the kind of person to have zero tolerance for a jealous boyfriend, let alone a jealous fake boyfriend that was also his close friend. It was such a mess and it was making his head ache thinking about all the ways he could handle it.
He’d just have to talk to Sasuke. Sasuke knew the whole situation and, as much as Naruto would loathe it, Sasuke would be able to tell him the truth.
Tuesday, January 9th, 4:50 P.M.
The school day had absolutely drained him. Another day of heavy rain meant another day of keeping a bunch of little kiddos entertained indoors all day and…well, kids could only be entertained for so long. They had ended up throwing on a movie and passing out fruit snacks to try and appease them for the last hour and it had worked but just barely. It had given Naruto and Kurenai the time to clean up the classroom and go over the classwork they had the children do earlier in the day. It was nearing time for them to send out progress reports and Naruto actually enjoyed getting those ready, though not when they had hardly any time for it like they did as of late.
He was free for the day, though, and was kicking off his shoes inside of Sasuke’s house. Itachi and Deidara were gone and Sasuke had told him to come right in and that he was in the living room. That was exactly where Naruto found him, seated on the couch with a bag of pretzels, some hero movie playing on the Tv. Naruto plopped down next to him and snatched the bag of pretzels, shoveling a few into his mouth.
Sasuke jabbed a foot into Naruto’s side with a scoff. “That was rude. Nice to see you, too.”
Naruto shot him a small smile and shoved the bag of pretzels back at him. “What are you sulking around in your house for? Where’s Suigetsu?”
“Handling some work things here before he leaves.” Sasuke replied with a shrug, moving the bag of pretzels to the coffee table before he sighed. “I think I’ll be out of town with him longer than I planned.”
“Oh yeah? How long?”
“Originally it was just supposed to be three days but I think I’ll stay a week or so.” Sasuke replied. He sounded like he was still thinking it over. Honestly, if Sasuke wasn’t such a workaholic he would have probably stayed out of town with Suigetsu for the entire month or two he’d be gone. He definitely wanted to, that was obvious, but Sasuke would lose his mind if stayed away from work for more than a few days. The whole week was almost insane for him. “I still feel really bad that I won’t be there for Gaara’s birthday.”
Naruto scoffed a little bit. “Dude, he’s fine with it. You don’t have to be upset about missing it.”
“I just thought it was a nice idea…him having his first birthday with his boyfriend and all of that.” Sasuke muttered awkwardly, shrugging his shoulders. “I just wanted to be there.”
It was so cute that Naruto wanted to laugh. As much as Sasuke played it like he was cool, he was such a sap when it mattered. He was upset because he wanted to see Gaara happy on his birthday with his new boyfriend by his side. Hell, he probably would have taken cringey pictures to tease Gaara with later; he had been like that when Sakura had spent her first birthday with Lee as her boyfriend.
Naruto couldn’t stop the small snicker that passed his lips. “You’re so corny, man.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Sasuke jabbed him with his foot again, huffing when Naruto blocked it with a couch pillow. “You sounded kinda upset when we talked earlier. What’s going on?”
Naruto could have let himself forget why he had come over. He could have brushed Sasuke’s concern off and rambled off some random lie but the heavy guilt and self disgust that basically lived at the front of his mind wasn’t going to let him forget. “...I just wanted to talk about something and you’re the only one that knows about the whole Gaara thing…”
Sasuke hummed in acknowledgment, laying his feet in Naruto’s lap. “What’s going on now, then? Did you tell him how you feel?”
“Absolutely not.” Naruto frowned and shook his head quickly, fingers idly scratching at the fabric of Sasuke’s navy blue sweatpants. “It’s about that girl he’s friends with. Matsuri from Suna?”
“Oh. Her.” A look of realization that Naruto didn’t really like much washed over Sasuke’s face. “You were acting a little weird when she was at the shop the other day. Do you…not like her?”
“I hate her.” Naruto groaned, covering his face with his hands before letting out another louder, more frustrated groan. He dropped his hands to his lap, resting on top of Sasuke’s socked feet. “I don’t even know her and just thinking about her makes me want to rip my skin off, dude.”
“You’re jealous.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement because Sasuke was well acquainted with Naruto’s jealousy. Even if Naruto had planned to lie about it he knew he wouldn’t have been able to, not with Sasuke at least. He would have seen through Naruto’s shit in a heartbeat. “He doesn’t like her like that, you know.”
“We don’t know that.” Naruto retorted with a huff, glaring towards the TV. “He could start to like her and then what am I supposed to do? I’m already losing my mind with them just being friends, Sasuke. It’s been all I can think about for days! How am I supposed to live with myself if he really does end up liking her?”
“You sound ridiculous, for starters,” Sasuke scoffed softly. He wasn’t laughing at him, though. Despite the absurdity of the situation, Sasuke knew first hand how Naruto’s anxious jealousy could affect him. Even if Sasuke himself hadn’t been on a great receiving end of it in the past. “Matsuri has a boyfriend who she loves dearly, Naruto. She’s not into Gaara like that and Gaara isn’t into her, either. Trust me.”
Matsuri having a boyfriend didn’t mean Gaara couldn’t still like her. He could spend another evening with her and decide that she was everything he wanted and then he’d be miserable and in love with a girl that didn’t want him and…Oh, god. That would be even worse, actually. Naruto wouldn’t be able to handle that. He wouldn’t be able to handle either situation, them dating or not, but still. That situation sounded like a particular brand of hell for him personally. “That doesn’t make me feel any better about this, dude. I’m not kidding when I say that this has been driving me fucking crazy. I’ve been fighting the urge to call him like I used to call you and ask where he is and who he’s with and all that awful crap.”
Sasuke winced a bit, the memory probably not any better for him than it was for Naruto. He sighed and reached out to ruffle Naruto’s hair. “Naruto…you need to talk to him, then. If this is bothering you so much. He’s never going to know how to help if you don’t talk to him. Sure, you might worry about making him feel bad but you have to give him the chance to hear you.”
It was almost hilarious how great Sasuke was at communication now that they weren’t dating. Naruto would have been jealous as all hell if it didn’t make him extremely proud to see Sasuke happy and in a healthy relationship now. He was so good at talking to people about what bothered him, something that he used to be so bad at, and that was so good but it also made Naruto feel a little shitty. Sasuke had grown so much since they had almost ripped each other apart and yet…Naruto had hardly grown at all. He was still drowning in anxiety over something he shouldn’t care about, something that was making Gaara happy. He was still fighting the familiar urge to call Gaara and text him a dozen times, again and again, until he either got an answer or a fight. It wasn’t fair of him and he hated this so much about himself but to want to act so selfishly towards Gaara of all people? That made him sick to his stomach.
How could he ever hope to date Gaara for real when he couldn’t get his shit together? How could he even still be his friend? What would happen the next time another person was interested in Gaara? Was Naruto just supposed to fall into this self-loathing sea of jealousy every time Gaara made a friend?
“...Talking about these things…it isn’t easy.” Naruto forced himself to speak, clearing his throat a bit as he pushed Sasuke’s hand out of his hair. “He’ll think I’m selfish or something.”
Sasuke shrugged. “Maybe. Selfishness is a natural part of being a person, you know. He’d understand.” He said softly, frowning when Naruto looked at him again. He looked really concerned, though, and it made Naruto’s heart ache a little. “You have to try, Naruto. If you really…feel the way you feel about him, I mean. It’s scary. It’s fucking terrifying, honestly, but you need to do it. Don’t…don’t let it become like our relationship, Naruto.”
They didn’t like to talk about how their relationship ended very often. They didn’t ignore it. It was impossible to ignore even if they wanted to; their relationship was sort of like an old wound on each of their hearts. They didn’t like to poke and prod at those wounds too much. A few jokes here and there, sure, but never something as direct as this. Sasuke was really concerned, then, if he was saying all of that. He was rooting for them as best as he knew how. It honestly made Naruto feel a little worse to have Sasuke believe in him like this because he didn’t believe in himself at all. How could he talk about any of this with Gaara? How could he bring this up without looking like some jealous, possessive asshole? Gaara didn’t deserve that; he was better than Naruto’s bullshit.
Naruto fell into Sasuke’s side and sighed, turning his head to press his face into the other’s shoulder. “I wasn’t supposed to like him, Sasuke. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to feel like this.”
Sasuke shifted and a moment later his arms were wrapping around Naruto, holding him close just like he had for all these years. It was painfully familiar and despite it all, Naruto felt his eyes sting with tears.
“I know.” Sasuke murmured quietly into Naruto’s hair. “It isn’t wrong to like him. You just have to make sure you do what’s best for yourself, too.”
Naruto had never been very good at doing what was best for himself.
Friday, January 12th, 6:05 p.m.
Unlike most people, Naruto enjoyed doing laundry. To be exact, he enjoyed folding and putting away his laundry. It was a task that kept his hands busy but left him with the chance to focus his mind on the TV or whatever he was listening to. It was the easiest form of multitasking, and it was productive, so he liked it. He had tossed his full basket of clothes into the washer when he got home from work and was now seated on his bed, folding the still warm clothes while he watched a movie he’d seen a million times on his TV. He was content like this and had made it halfway through the basket when his phone rang, making him heave a heavy sigh. After a long day of being distracted by his own emotional crisis and still trying to be cheerful for the students, the last thing he really wanted was a phone call.
Gaara was the one calling him, though, and despite how he’d been feeling lately he was still quick to answer. “Hey, Gaara.”
“Hey,” Gaara’s voice usually made Naruto giddy and excited. Now, it just made him anxious. He hated that. “Are you busy?”
“Not really,” Naruto replied. “I’m doing laundry but that’s it.”
Gaara made a small grunting noise. “I should probably do my laundry, too. Ugh…Anyway, are you busy on Sunday?”
“This Sunday?” Naruto glanced towards his calendar that hung on the wall near his closet. He wasn’t sure why he looked; he never wrote anything down on that thing. “Don’t think so. Why?”
“We’re having a thing here, I guess.”
“A thing?”
“Yeah. Like a hang out or whatever.” Gaara replied. “Sasuke and Suigetsu will be there and so will Sakura and Lee. Obviously my siblings and Kiba and Shikamaru as well. Matsuri is going to try and come, too.”
Naruto’s already low mood dropped several levels. “I thought you said she was leaving town?”
“She extended her trip by a few days. Sunday is actually her last day in town.” Gaara told him. He talked about her so casually, as if she had always been a part of his life. “She had to extend it by a few days because her cousin was supposed to come and stay with their grandmother but is going to come a couple days late. It works out, since Sunday is also the last free day Sasuke will have before he leaves town with Suigetsu for a bit, too.”
“Is it like an early birthday party?” Naruto was too focused on the fact that Matsuri would be there. In Gaara’s house. She’d be laughing and having fun with not just Gaara and not just Kankuro and Temari, but with Sasuke and Sakura and Lee and even fucking Suigetsu. It made him want to vomit.
“Ugh, no but yes?” Gaara muttered, sounding absolutely exhausted by the whole thing which was pretty on brand for him. “I’m considering it a hang out but yeah, technically, it’s an early birthday thing for Sasuke’s sake since he felt so bad about not being in town when my actual birthday happens.”
Naruto needed to put his irritation and anxiety aside. This would be good for him, he tried to tell himself. Not only would he be surrounded by friends but he’d also be able to try and see if he could actually get along with Matsuri. As much as he hated the idea, he’d have to try. For not just Gaara’s sake but his own.
But god, he hated thinking about her having fun with Gaara like that. Hated to think about how easily Gaara had hugged her when it had been such a tremendous task for him to be able to get the same contact from Gaara himself. Not…that he had really been trying to get that contact, of course. It had all been accidental but the point still remained; being close with Matsuri was so easy for Gaara in a way it hadn’t been for anyone else as far as Naruto knew. He didn’t trust himself to be able to be in the same room as Matsuri and not act like a jealous boyfriend.
“I can come.” Naruto spoke into the phone, closing his eyes tightly and fighting back a sigh. Disappointment at himself washed over him like a tidal wave. He sort of wanted to fling his phone at a wall. “Afternoon, I assume?”
“Yeah, I’ll let you know.” Gaara assured him. “How was your day?”
A shift in the topic was greatly welcomed, even if all Naruto had done today was pout while dealing with the kids at the school. “Long, to be honest. Exhausting. I’m really tired.” He wished he was exhausted from being with the kids. That was a good kind of exhaustion that he really enjoyed to be honest but this was a mental exhaustion that came from his own misery and honestly? He hated that. “What about you? How was your day?”
Gaara grunted softly into the phone. “Fine, I guess. A lot of tattoos today, actually. A bunch of small designs though, so they were all quick but my eyes are really killing me right now.” He actually hadn’t noticed how tired Gaara also sounded. Sure, Gaara was always sounding some level of tired but Naruto liked to think that he’d become pretty skilled at deciphering the various levels of Gaara’s exhaustion.
Currently, Gaara sounded like he should already be asleep and while that did make Naruto worry a bit, a selfish part of him was touched that Gaara had taken the time to call him and talk to him when he was so tired. He felt like that every time Gaara called him, of course, but with his own current mental state, it felt a little bit better to experience.
“You need to sleep, man.” Naruto chuckled softly, rubbing his free hand over his face and fighting back a heavy sigh. “You sound terrible. As much as I enjoy talking to you, you know I’d rather die than keep you from sleeping.”
Gaara grunted again. “I’ll sleep soon.” He murmured. Naruto could picture the small frown on the other’s lips, that stubborn little scowl. “I just wanted to talk to you. We haven’t had a lot of time to talk lately.”
Naruto felt a swell of shame wash over himself. That was all on him and he couldn’t even try to deny it. He’d been avoiding Gaara in little ways, leaving some texts unanswered for hours at a time or never replying to them at all. He hadn’t gone to see Gaara at the shop since that day Matsuri got her tattoo there. It wasn’t a malicious sort of avoidance, it was just an unintentional avoidance to try and separate himself from the source of his high anxiety. Gaara had been a saint even if he wasn’t aware; he hadn’t asked about it or pointed it out and Naruto sort of attributed that to Gaara also being really busy. He had seen the posts on all their social medias; the tattoo shop had been pretty busy since the new year. Still, though, it hurt him to hear Gaara mention it.
It was the type of shit Naruto would have ripped Sasuke apart about a handful of years ago. Gaara was not ripping him apart, though, which almost felt worse? Naruto almost wanted Gaara to point it out instead of being so oblivious about…well, everything. But maybe that was just the part of Naruto that knew, deep down, how badly he needed to talk to Gaara about all the crap going through his head.
“Yeah, we’ve been busy.” Naruto offered with a soft sigh. “Don’t worry. We’ll hang together soon and I’ll be over Sunday. I’m excited about it.” A half lie, sure, but oh well.
“I’m excited as well.” Gaara assured. Naruto could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll let you go, though, so you can finish your laundry. I’ll talk to you later, Naruto.”
“Yeah, sure thing.” Naruto assured, nodding even though no one was around to see it. “Goodnight, Gaara.” He hung up and tossed his phone onto his nightstand, hiding his face in his hands.
God, he could have screamed. What was he thinking, agreeing to go when there was a high chance Matsuri would be there? He needed to be kind and civil and talk to her but could he even do that? Could he even pretend to like her, even if it was for Gaara’s sake? He was terrible at pretending to like people, all their friends knew that. And if Gaara caught on, what then? He’d have to come clean about everything he was feeling and that made him want to scream, too.
He couldn’t act like this. He needed to go. He needed to have fun with Gaara again and he needed to get the fuck over his own stupid hurt feelings. He could fake it for a single evening and then Matsuri would be out of town and everything would be back the way it was. Of course, Gaara would probably still text her. And call her. Maybe even video chat?
Naruto groaned loudly and fell face first onto his mattress, pounding a fist onto his blankets a few times. God, why did all of this have to be so fucking complicated?
Sunday, January 14th, 4:20 p.m.
Gaara had told him to come anytime after four in the afternoon. Naruto had lingered in his room, pacing back and forth since one in the afternoon, still weighing the options and possible outcomes when it came to going. In the end he had shoved all of his feelings, good and bad, down as deep as he could and made his way out of the house, only to sit in his car across the street from Gaara’s house for the last twenty minutes. He saw Lee’s car parked behind Temari’s. There was another car behind Kankuro’s car, a car he didn’t recognize but he had pulled up in time to see Matsuri get out and stride up to the front door.
So yeah, he’d been in his car for the last twenty minutes because watching Matsuri walk into Gaara’s house had made him want to vomit. He had hyped himself up all day for this so he could be normal and interact with Matsuri like a normal person but seeing her welcomed into the house by Kankuro had just shattered all of his self confidence. Even Temari and Kankuro had a good past with Matsuri when their past with Naruto was almost as bad as Gaara’s. Kankuro had pried them apart during countless fights. Temari had stood between Naruto’s parents and Gaara in the principal’s office more than she ever should have had to. The two of them had been the ones to deal with most of the emotional damage that came from his own rocky past with Gaara and Matsuri…she had been their friend. How the hell could he ever compare to that now?
Gaara was expecting him to be there. There was a high chance that Sasuke and Sakura were, too. Everyone in that house was expecting him to come and he had to show up. He had to be there.
Naruto went home.
He was so glad his parents were both out for the day because the way he slammed the front door shut behind himself, falling back against it and slowly sliding down to the ground, would have caused a conversation he didn’t want to have. His heart was hammering in his chest so hard that it ached and his hands were in his hair, gripping so hard it nearly hurt. His breathing was coming out faster, strained as if it took a great effort. The panic attack was trying to wash over him and he wasn’t going to let it. He refused to let it get that bad.
It did get that bad, but he considered it a small blessing that it wasn’t as long as his panic attacks usually were.
He found himself, eventually, sprawled out on the living room couch with the TV playing on a low volume; he could barely hear it. His body felt like it was filled with lead, tired and sluggish, and his head was killing him. He hadn’t really eaten all day, too nervous earlier to stomach anything, and now that the panic attack had passed, he was starving but was too tired to get up and make anything. He’d do it later when he felt normal again. If he ever would. If he had thought for even a moment that this plan with Gaara would end up with him cowering in his house, having a panic attack because of the presence of some girl, he never would have done this.
Well, that wasn’t true. His care for Gaara, romantic or otherwise, was unavoidable. He would have spent time with him and found out how kind and honest Gaara’s heart was and would have died for him without question. He would have wanted to be his friend without even thinking about it because Gaara was a good person even when the world hadn’t been good to him. Gaara was smart and funny and so kind that it made Naruto’s own heart ache. He wouldn’t go back and erase any of this if he could.
That just made it worse, though. It was so fucking confusing and hard and he hated all of this. If he hadn’t caught feelings for Gaara then this would just be a normal day. He’d be having fun with friends and hell, he’d probably find a new friend in Matsuri. He couldn’t even say that he’d never acted like this before because he had, way back when he and Sasuke were in the worst of their problems. He had been so jealous of everyone that got to be around Sasuke. He had even started fights with Sakura, of all people, because Sasuke had sought her out instead of talking things over with Naruto and that had hurt. He knew why Sasuke had done that, of course. He needed an outside perspective, needed someone that wasn’t his jealous and angry boyfriend to talk to. He needed someone he wasn’t actively hurting in return to talk to. But god, it had been such a long time since he had felt this bad about something like this and, unlike Sasuke, Gaara hadn’t even done anything to warrant this mess of anxiety and misery.
It was all Naruto just like it always was. Stupud Naruto Uzumaki with his stupid hurt feelings, crying for attention. As if he didn’t get enough attention as it was. As if he didn’t have a dozen friends. As if Gaara didn’t already smile at him like he was special.
Fuck. Everything.
He wasn’t sure how long he laid mindlessly there on his stomach, half of his face pressed against the couch as he watched the TV but didn’t really conceptualize what was happening. Outside, it had started to rain and the sound was a comforting background. He actually even started to doze off a couple of times, jolting awake every few minutes but soon the siren call of rest was too much to ignore and he fell asleep. When he did wake up again, a quick glance at his phone told him that not only was it nearly three hours later, but he had six texts and two missed calls from Gaara, one missed call from Sakura, and three missed calls from Sasuke.
Yikes.
He shoved his phone back into his pocket without looking at any of the messages, too ashamed to see what they said. Too afraid to see if Gaara was angry with him. His stomach was growling and despite the raging headache, he was starving now.
Naruto pushed himself off the couch and stumbled towards the kitchen. He was making a mental note of what he knew was in the kitchen to eat when a knock on the door stopped him. He groaned softly, running a hand through his hair. “Man…”
He wasn’t really sure who would be at the door at this time, especially with his parents out. It was possible it was one of his dad’s friends; several of them lived really close and stopped by often. It also could have been Jiraiya, maybe. He sucked at giving people a warning when he was dropping by. That seemed like the most likely option. Naruto didn’t really want to see anyone right now but if it was Jiraiya or someone he knew it would be really rude not to answer.
Naruto shuffled to the front door and yawned, planning what to say as a greeting depending on who it was. Everything he could have said died in his throat at the sight of Gaara standing on his front porch.
Gaara’s hair was damp from the rain and he wore that orange sweater that Naruto had given him weeks ago. It would have been cute, actually, if Gaara didn’t have that frown on his lips as those slightly widened eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, the rain coming down from beyond the porch, and then Gaara’s frown deepened. “Naruto-”
“What are you doing?” Naruto was bewildered. He hadn’t meant to cut Gaara off, of course, but it had tumbled out of him before he could stop himself. “Aren’t you supposed to be home?”
Gaara straightened up a bit and shrugged a little, fists clenched at his sides. “Kiba needed something for the food he’s making. I told him I’d go to the store.”
“The store…” The closest grocery store was in the exact opposite direction as Naruto’s house. “You came here, though?” Gaara had driven in the exact opposite direction. Of course he had come. He had probably been worried and saw Naruto’s car and found it strange that Naruto was home and had yet to answer not just him but Sasuke and Sakura as well.
“You never came.” Gaara replied bluntly, that frown still on his face. Naruto couldn’t tell if he was angry or what, but he didn’t like it either way. It was still his least favorite thing about Gaara, how easy it was to never know what he was thinking. “I text you. And called.”
No, now Naruto could tell what that expression was on Gaara's face. It was hurt. A hesitant kind of hurt, like a child disappointed by the one they loved the most.
“I haven't had the chance to look at my phone,” Naruto patted at his pockets and forced out a small laugh before sighing softly and dropping his hands to his sides again. “I came home from running errands to get ready to go to your place and I just... I totally puked my guts out for a while. It was brutal, man.”
He supposed he looked as shitty as he would have if he really had been throwing up that bad. It helped the lie but it didn't help him feel any better about lying in the first place. Not when Gaara was looking so confused and so hurt and was clearly trying to hide it and make sure Naruto was okay.
“Are you alright?” Gaara's eyes widened a little. “Are you sick?”
“I could have caught something from one of the kids at school.” Naruto waved it off, trying to seem casual. “My stomach feels awful but I think it should pass in a day or two. Probably best I didn't come by, you know? Wouldn't be fun if I had to throw up every few minutes.”
Gaara frowned again and glanced past Naruto, into the house. “You're home alone? I can stay with you for a while-”
“No!” Naruto shook his head quickly. He smiled a bit at Gaara, shrugging his shoulders. “Seriously, I'll totally be fine, Gaara. I just need to rest.”
Gaara had taken a step towards him, perhaps to help. But then at Naruto’s cut off, Gaara's frown deepened again and then he looked away, crossing his arms over the damp sweater. “...Did I…do something to upset you?”
The question made Naruto freeze, his forced smile faltering. Gaara continued on, still looking away from him as if he couldn't face him while he spoke. “You've barely spoken to me lately and you've never…you never just not show up without a warning. That isn't…I mean, that doesn't sound like you. And if you're sick that's totally fine but you just haven't…” He deflated a little and finally looked back at Naruto, his face full of a vulnerability and hesitance that made Naruto feel like the worst person on earth. “You usually tell me things. If I did something to make you upset then tell me. I know I'm terrible with people and I'm not good at knowing if I said something wrong but just…did I do something, Naruto?”
His voice had gone entirely too soft, like he was afraid that he was the problem. It was heartbreaking and suddenly Naruto wasn’t looking at Gaara, damp on his porch and looking at him for answers. He was suddenly looking at himself, years younger, sobbing on Sasuke’s doorstep and begging to know what he had done wrong, how he could fix it, why he wasn’t enough. The image made Naruto’s stomach lurch as it brought forth an earth shattering realization; he had started to do to Gaara what Sasuke had done to him all those years ago. He’d been so busy trying to keep from turning into his past self that he hadn’t even realized what he was doing. Ignoring Gaara. Separating himself from him. Then this…blowing him off with some lie that Gaara clearly didn’t believe but didn’t want to pry too hard about.
Now he really did want to throw up.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Gaara.” Naruto took a step out the door, grabbing one of Gaara’s hands with both of his and squeezing it gently. Gaara was watching him, clearly not sure what to believe, and Naruto continued, “You did nothing wrong. I promise. I really am just sick. Back to school time is insane with germs, y’know?” He was lying through his teeth but this time, at least, it looked like Gaara was believing it enough to let it go.
Gaara’s shoulders relaxed a little and he sighed softly, squeezing Naruto’s hand back. He did sort of look like he wanted to push it but his expression softened when he watched Naruto’s face, nodding ever so slightly. “Are…you sure you don’t want me to come in? I can make you something if you’d like.”
As much as Naruto loved having Gaara near him, that was the last thing he wanted. Naruto was barely holding himself together, his shoulders tense and his hands shaking when Gaara finally let go. There was a feeling in his throat, like he’d start crying any second, and his stomach was tying itself in knots over and over with every second Gaara spent on the porch. “I’m sure. If I’m sick for real, I don’t want you to catch it. I’ll rest up and be back to normal by the time your birthday rolls around. I promise.”
Gaara sighed again and took a step back, pulling the hood of the sweater up over his still damp hair. “Please rest and just…call me. If you need me. I’ll come.”
He would come if Naruto called him. That was such a shitty part of it. Despite what Naruto had been doing and the anxiety he had been creating in the back of Gaara’s mind, he’d still leave his early birthday party to check on him. He’d leave during Matsuri’s last night in town to make sure Naruto was taken care of, was healthy and okay. Naruto wasn’t even sick. He was just anxious and being selfish and taking it out on Gaara who hadn’t even done anything to begin with! Gaara, who was so clueless in all of this. Hell, if Naruto had told him all of what he was feeling, it was almost a promise that Gaara would have understood it. But how could he be selfish enough to own up to how awful he’d been?
“I’ll call you if I need to.” Naruto assured, forcing up a small smile. “Now get going before Kiba starts calling you.”
Gaara left without another word. Naruto watched him go, memorizing the way his old orange hoodie seemed to consume Gaara entirely. He watched Gaara get into his car and could almost imagine the soft radio playing, the lingering scent of vanilla from the tattoo shop that seemed to stick to Gaara’s car. He replayed the mental image of Gaara on the porch, damp hair sticking to his forehead and gorgeous eyes watching him, focused on him like Naruto was something precious. He replayed that entire last interaction in his head. Gaara’s hands in his. Gaara’s concerned voice. He replayed it all in his head, knowing now with a firm resolution that he had to stop this. All of it.
He was just going to keep hurting Gaara if he kept this up. He had to stop all of it and as much as the idea pained him and made him want to throw up, he was going to stop it. Gaara was going to hate him for it. Everyone else might hate him for it. He already hated himself for it. But he wasn’t going to let himself hurt Gaara the way he had been hurt before. Gaara deserved so much better than a guy that couldn’t control his own inferiority complex, someone that would take his anxiety out on him. He deserved someone better than the boy that had left his teen years smeared in blood, rage, and a pain he would never really forget.
Naruto went back to his bedroom when Gaara’s car was out of sight and he cried. He cried until his throat was hoarse and his eyes stung and his pillowcase was soaked. He cried until there was nothing left in him and then, finally, he went to sleep, a sickening dread pooling deep in his gut at the thought of the next time they would see each other; Gaara’s birthday.
Notes:
I was originally going to split Gaara's birthday between the last section of this chapter and the very first part of the next but it wasn't flowing well and I also just didn't want it to feel like parts were too repetitive. Anyway, buckle in cause this chapter was the start of the angst. The next chapter is Gaara's side of it and if there's one thing to know about me, it's that I write Gaara suffering better than any other character.
anyway, enjoy! See previous chapter for links on where to find me on other socials.
Chapter 9
Notes:
So sorry for such a long wait! This has been an insanely busy winter season for me filled with sickness, work, more sickness and more work!! I also wanted to take my time with this chapter because it's a bit heavy in parts and I wanted to make sure I focused a little more on Gaara's bonds with not just Naruto, but others, as well.
anyway, enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Friday, January 19th, 12:00 p.m.
Naruto had been…weird for a while. Gaara had been trying really hard not to think too hard about it because at the end of the day, he couldn’t force Naruto to talk about something if he didn’t want to. It didn’t stop Gaara from worrying, of course. He’d worried a lot, running through every possible thing he could think of that he had said or done that could have made Naruto suddenly so distant from him. He worried that maybe he was overreacting and acting like some love sick teenager, terrified the second the object of his affections needed space. Maybe that was all it was. Maybe Naruto needed space. They spent a lot of time together, after all, and talked almost all the time up until now. It wasn’t unreasonable to want space.
But Gaara couldn’t shake the lingering thought that Naruto was hurting and keeping it from him. He hadn’t believed that Naruto was sick the day he skipped out on the party. Something about the way he looked at Gaara and the way he spoke just didn’t sit well and Gaara had to bite his tongue that evening to keep from prying too hard. If Naruto was lying to him, which he hated to think about, it must have been for a good reason. Gaara’s brain was just lighting itself on fire over and over every time he reminded himself that Naruto was lying to him. That was unavoidable, given his issues and his messy brain and everything else, but he hated it just the same. But still, it bothered him and he felt stuck, unsure what to do or say to make any of it better.
Making things “better” wasn’t Gaara’s strong point and it never had been. He was too awkward, too emotionally unsure. He could barely contain and understand his own emotions, the slightest weird energy setting him off, so of course he would struggle to understand and help others with theirs. This was Naruto, though. If there was anyone he wanted to help, it was him. But he couldn’t force Naruto to spill whatever it was he was holding inside. He couldn’t make Naruto text him back, which was crazy considering how much being left on read and unanswered made Naruto feel. He couldn’t make Naruto call him back, couldn’t make him video chat if he really didn’t want to. It killed Gaara when their text conversation fell flat a few messages in, leading to Naruto falling off entirely. He killed him when he called and Naruto’s excitement was clearly forced, an attempt at being normal to keep Gaara from worrying. All Gaara could do was carry on like everything was normal when it was eating him alive inside.
Naruto had picked him up at noon for their aquarium date. Despite the weirdness that lingered between them, Gaara was actually pretty excited. He’d never been to the aquarium before and he liked being with Naruto, so it was two cool and fun things all in one trip. Naruto had pulled up to the house and Gaara had slid into the passenger seat, blinking in surprise as a coffee was pushed into his hands.
Naruto smiled at him, the first real smile Gaara had seen from him in over a week. “I asked Lee what kind of coffee you usually get. Thought it would be a nice surprise. Happy birthday.”
Gaara smiled softly, taking a sip of the coffee, enjoying the hint of caramel that lingered on his tongue. “This is exactly what I needed, actually.”
“Glad I could deliver.” Naruto chuckled softly and finally it felt like the weirdness had lessened. It was still there, of course; Naruto wasn’t meeting his eye for very long. But it felt a little less suffocating and Gaara would take that over anything else for now.
The drive to the aquarium didn’t take too long and they made idle conversation. Naruto talked about the school, though it was noted that he was less enthusiastic than he normally would be. Gaara talked about work and what scary movies he’d watched recently. It was easy conversation. It was also safe conversation that wouldn’t lead either of them down a path too vulnerable. Naruto was trying to keep things easy and casual and Gaara wanted that too, especially after that evening on Naruto’s porch. Gaara had felt so vulnerable and unsure of himself and Naruto…well, he didn’t know what Naruto was feeling. That had been the entire problem.
But Gaara let things stay calm and easy. It was his birthday, after all, and even though he hated his birthday, he did really want to enjoy it with Naruto this year.
The aquarium was far grander than Gaara had expected. It was huge, for starters, with smaller exhibits near the entrance filled with little shrimps and tiny crabs and various fish in different colors. They lingered at these small exhibits for a while, Gaara staring intently at the furiously moving shrimp while Naruto snickered softly at the crabs and watched the fish weave through thick, towering stalks of kelp. Gaara had never seen a shrimp in person, though obviously he had seen a lot of pictures. He’d always found them oddly cute, though now that he was looking at them he had a strong feeling that if one were to be placed in his hand, he’d shake it off with a squeal of alarm, much like he would a spider. Yes, they seemed a lot like spiders. Wet, weird little spiders. Despite his giggling at the crabs and fish, Naruto didn’t talk much but Gaara didn’t press it; Naruto seemed far more content to watch Gaara gawk at the creatures, a soft smile on his lips that Gaara hadn’t really seen on him before. He couldn’t place the emotion behind it but tried not to think about it too much.
A bit further inside there were touch pools. One touch pool was filled with purple urchins and slimy sea cucumbers and other small little creatures that were often found on the ocean floor. Gaara eyed this first touch pool wearily, not a fan of sticking his hands into…well, most things.
Naruto bumped him with an elbow. “Go touch.”
“You go touch.” Gaara huffed, eyeing a giggling teenager that yanked their hand out of the touch pool, chattering excitedly at their friend.
Naruto scoffed softly. “I have, dude. Watch.” He pulled Gaara over towards the pool by the edge of his shirt and then rolled up his own shirt sleeve. “They wouldn’t put them here if they could hurt you, Gaara.”
“I like to believe that things that live at the bottom of the ocean should be left alone.” Gaara, however, did peer into the clear water to eye one of the purple urchins and all of its spiky appendages. “That one’s sharp, Naruto.”
“They hug your finger, actually.” Naruto told him confidently, slowly easing his hand into the water and pressing a finger down between two of the urchin's spines. From where he stood, Gaara couldn't see any sort of hugging but Naruto grinned softly at him. “See? Try it.”
Hesitant, but reminded himself that Naruto wouldn’t set him up for such a failure, Gaara slowly rolled up one of his sleeves. The water was cold when he dunked his hand inside, sending a shiver up his arm and down his spine, and he very slowly pressed his finger down, down, down, until it rested against the urchin, between two of its spines. Then, so slowly, he felt the spines lean in, pressing against his finger in what did, indeed, feel like a little hug. Gaara’s eyes widened in surprise and he felt himself smile softly. “Oh, wow…”
“Cool, right?” Naruto had removed his hand by now and, with his free hand, was recording the entire scene with his phone. When Gaara caught him, Naruto offered a sheepish smile and waved his phone around a little. “I was going to send this to you. So you can remember it after this is all done.”
“We can always come again.” Gaara reminded him, pulling his hand free. The aquarium worker that was managing the pool handed him a paper towel and he thanked her, turning back to Naruto as he dried his hand off. “We have forever, honestly. We can come again. Maybe with Sasuke and Sakura or something.”
There it was again, that soft smile that looked…off. Not like a real smile, like something a little bitter. It made Gaara’s hackles rise a bit, his stomach churning sickly at how clueless he felt right now. But then Naruto nodded. “Yeah, I know. But this is your first time so I have to make sure I get videos and pictures for you. I was going to send a few to your brother and sister, too.”
That made the anxiety in Gaara’s gut lessen and he groaned softly. “They’ll keep it forever, you know.”
“I know.”
The second touch pool was larger, with a bigger crowd of kids and their parents surrounding it as little rays swam through the water. It was kind of more like a glide, the way the rays moved, and Gaara was entranced by them. This time he was far less nervous to touch, easing his way between some kids to get his hand in there to feel one of the rays as it swam by. It was a strange feeling, a little smooth and slick, and he instantly yanked his hand back with a surprised chuckle. It made him sort of feel like a little kid. Their father had never taken them to places like this. There had been a zoo trip once when Gaara was ten, maybe, but that had been more for a work related thing than anything else. It had been rushed and hot and their dad had been annoyed the whole time so no one really had any fun. This, though, was fun and Gaara liked it, even if Naruto was snapping pictures and videos the whole time like a mom. If it made him happy and kept him from looking the way he had a few moments ago, Gaara didn’t care how many pictures he took.
What really took his breath away, though, were the giant exhibits further inside. The towering jellyfish exhibits, with the lights off save for the brilliant shimmer of the wispy creatures floating through the waters of all different sizes, of all different breeds. They moved through the water like it was nothing and it had Gaara frozen in the dark, eyes locked on the creatures as he leaned heavily into Naruto. He was supposed to take pictures of these for Matsuri, he remembered vaguely, but he honestly couldn’t be bothered to do so. Taking out his phone would have been too tremendous of a task when all he wanted to do was stand here and watch, immersed in the gentle music playing from the speakers and the mesmerizing movements of the jellyfish before them. It felt like a real date all of a sudden, a date that Gaara wouldn’t dare call real out loud without knowing how Naruto felt about it all. It had been Naruto’s idea, sure, but it had been a friendly gesture and that had been enough. But Gaara was letting himself dream a little, letting himself imagine how it would feel to twine his fingers with Naruto’s in the dark and pull him in for a kiss with nothing but the ocean beauties to light it all.
But Naruto had jerked away the second Gaara’s hand brushed his and he laughed, a little louder than he needed to, and getsured for Gaara to follow him. “Come on. I think there’s a shark tunnel coming up.”
The anxiety rose inside of him again, lifting from his stomach and forming a heavy lump in Gaara’s throat. Perhaps he really had done something wrong and that was why Naruto had been so distant, why he had seemed to pull away from him so quickly. Maybe Gaara had been too much? They’d been so close so quickly, so…intimate. Maybe Naruto was trying to slow it down. Maybe he wanted it to stay friendly. That made Gaara want to scream if he were to be honest. He had hoped that they could talk today about their upcoming fake breakup. Or rather, he had hoped he’d be able to summon up the courage to tell Naruto how he had been feeling about him. It would be hard to confess to wanting to date him for real if Naruto was trying to stay just friends. They would have to talk about it eventually and if Gaara didn’t bring it up today then he wouldn’t trust himself to bring it up at all.
Gods, he hated this so much.
The shark tunnel clearly had a lot of thought put into it. A dimly lit tunnel with a long, windy path where the walls and the ceiling above them were entirely made of glass, the sharks and fish circling above them and at every side. It was gorgeous, honestly, and Gaara watched as Naruto practically pressed his face up against the glass to gawk at the reef and nurse and tiger sharks of all kinds that were ducking in and out of the corals and various sea plants.
“Dude, aren’t they cool?” Naruto murmured to him, glancing over with a small smile. “Have you done shark design tattoos before?”
“A few,” Gaara replied softly, eyes trailing after a bright yellow fish that darted by before he looked back at Naruto. “Not many shark designs are being asked for, to be honest. I’ve done a ton of fish, though. I’d like to do more sharks, though. It’s nice to see them up close like this.”
“I want to be in there with them.” Naruto chuckled softly and took a step back, tilting his head backwards to watch a shark swim over them, its bright white belly drawing their eye. “I could tame a shark. I totally could.”
Gaara snorted and gave a small shake of his head, stepping to the side to let a trio of little kids scurry by. “I highly doubt it but I’d like to see you try.”
Naruto shot him a playful smirk, one he had desperately missed. “I’ll do it. One day, I mean. It would be such a cool story to tell the kids at the school.”
“Mhm,” Gaara agreed as they fell into step together, the awkwardness once again fading away. The tunnel echoed with the voices of children and the soft murmuring of adults but it wasn’t an unbearable volume. “Your students already think you’re the greatest man alive. You don’t have to try so hard to impress them.”
Naruto scoffed at him, shoving his hands into his pockets. “No way. Kids move on so fast! I have to keep upping my game to make sure I keep my spot as their favorite teacher.”
Gaara wanted to disagree. Naruto was such a warm and inviting presence already and even the few moments Gaara had managed to catch between Naruto and his students, it was easy to see how much the kids adored him. If he had been lucky enough to have a teacher like Naruto in his youth, Gaara would have adored him as well. Hell, Gaara adored him now.
He kept that all to himself, though. It wasn’t the time to lay on thick how much he cared about him, not when there was too much on his own mind and clearly something on the other’s.
They left the shark tunnel after a few minutes and followed the path into another section of large tanks of crabs and lobsters, of shrimps of all sizes. A particular shrimp, a mantis shrimp, caught his attention with its bright colors and weird little eyes. Gaara smiled a bit, head tilted at the glass. “I’m glad we came here. I honestly never do anything for my birthday.”
“Ever?” Naruto asked, looking down at him in surprise.
Gaara shrugged a bit. “When I was a kid we celebrated it. It was usually one of the few times our dad was a dad. Most of the time, at least. He liked to pretend we were a happy family on birthdays and we always went out but it was never where we wanted to go. It was always somewhere he picked. The zoo or the movies or dinner at a restaurant owned by someone he knew. It always felt so forced, though; it wasn’t fun.” He looked away from the shrimp and stepped over to peer into a small tank with some crabs. “When we moved out I really didn’t want to celebrate it at all. I’m uncomfortable when there’s a lot of attention on me and I have a hard time dealing with people doing nice things for me. Usually, we just have a small party in the evening and I’m fine with that but…this is nice, actually.”
Naruto was looking at him the same way he always did when he talked about his childhood; a mixture of genuine sadness and a hint of anger, though the anger was always so obviously directed towards Rasa. He was sure that Naruto’s birthdays had always been big events in his household growing up. Kushina and Minato were such doting and caring parents. They probably threw him themed birthdays and had parties and invited all of his friends over. The only people that were ever at Gaara’s when he was small were his siblings and dad, occasionally Matsuri if he was lucky but that was pretty rare.
Their glaring differences were still so insane to think about sometimes. It was a wonder they had ever learned to like each other so much.
“That’s such a bummer, man.” Naruto sighed, though it was said so quietly that Gaara wasn’t sure if he was actually supposed to hear it or not.
He decided not to respond to it, falling into step with Naruto again as they made their way through. Dozens of animals later, they found themselves in the aquarium’s small food court and gift shop area. It was a giant koi pond, complete with a mini waterfall, circled by some food booths and shops and picnic tables and chairs scattered around. A few of the tables were taken by families or couples but they managed to find one closest to the giant pond, close enough to see the koi swimming lazily by. They were gorgeous fish, a majority of them white with red splotches on their bodies, and a few that were solid black or were black with white splotches. Gaara liked koi fish well enough. They were pretty to look at and, honestly, easy to draw.
Naruto had bought them a basket of fries to split and some water and they sat at their table making idle, pointless conversation as they ate, watching the koi and watching the people around them. It was nice enough. Less awkward than the tension that had been coming and going every so often. Naruto was clearly still a little lost in thought but honestly, Gaara was as well so he tried not to dwell on it too much. This was the most time he had spent with Naruto in a while; he wanted to soak it up as much as he could.
But his thoughts from earlier were creeping back, that annoying ass urge to remind Naruto of their quickly approaching relationship expiration date. The painful urge to confess his feelings and at least get an answer.
Gaara took a sip from his water and glanced at Naruto, clearing his throat. Naruto looked up from his phone, blue eyes curious, and Gaara sat up a little straighter. “I was thinking…” He began slowly, biting his lip for a second before shoving down the anxiety. “We should probably talk about when we want to stage our break up.”
Naruto’s eyes widened in surprise and he nodded slowly, glancing away for a second. “I mean, is now a really good time…?”
He could have picked another time, sure. But the anxiety was really kicking in and whatever had been bothering Naruto hadn’t helped it at all. Gaara was…painfully into him. He got butterflies in his stomach every time Naruto’s name popped up on his phone, went red in the face when Naruto smiled at him. He wore the sweater Naruto gave him all the time and he just generally wanted to be around him as much as possible. He was the first person Gaara thought of when good or interesting things happened. He was the only person Gaara wanted to confide in. He was the only person who could make Gaara feel…the way he felt. It was agonizing and it was beautiful and he needed to know if he could lean into it or if he had to push it all aside and deal with it.
It was selfish of him, sure, but he liked to have immediate answers. The more time he was left to dwell on something the worse it would feel.
“I’d rather we talk about it now.” Gaara admitted with a small and uneasy smile of his own. “It’s almost February and we’re getting to the point where people are going to start asking us if our relationship is serious and…We should just figure out if we want to keep this going or not.”
Naruto had set his chin in his hand, a frown on his face as he gazed out at the koi pond, not looking his way when he spoke. “If we have to talk about it now then I don’t think we should keep doing this.”
Gaara had long since mastered the ability to choke down immediate reactions to things that were…unpleasant. Still, he wasn’t able to stop from wincing, feeling his face grow hot with what he assumed was embarrassment. He nodded once and smiled a little. “That’s fine.” He assured, despite wanting to immediately slam his head into the table. “We’ll stage a break up and then tell everyone that we decided we worked better as friends-”
“No,” Naruto cut him off abruptly, looking at him with a scowl that Gaara had never seen on him before. “I don’t want to be friends with you after this, either. I’m done with…all of this.” He gestured between the two of them. “When we break up we’re done for real. All of it. No more texting or hanging out or anything.”
Gaara felt like he’d been slapped in the face. It was like every moment they had spent together, every interaction, was flashing before his eyes and it left him feeling like the air had been punched out of his lungs. Hadn’t they been getting along so well all this time? They’d laughed and cried and everything in between. Naruto had seen him at his most vulnerable and had still smiled at him like he was worth it. Had that been for nothing? His stomach churned and he frowned slowly, struggling to find his voice for a second. “Wh…what are you talking about? We’re friends-”
“No, we aren't.” Naruto cut him off again, crossing his arms and leaning back heavily in his chair. He was looking away from him, glaring off into the distance, and Gaara could feel in his gut that there was something wrong. Whatever was happening, it was a distraction from whatever he was really dealing with. The way he had been putting distance between the two of them, the weird energy that had existed between them, it had all been something serious enough to make Naruto consider this instead of talking it out.
Taking it out on Gaara, though? What a fucking dick move.
Gaara scoffed. “Excuse me?” He asked and when Naruto didn’t look back at him, he slammed a fist on the table. Naruto jerked in surprise, looking at him again, and Gaara clenched his fist on the table. “What are you talking about? Why can’t we be friends? I thought we were friends.”
Naruto gestured towards Gaara with a sigh. “That. That’s exactly why. You’re too fucking much, dude. You’re so…so angry and irritable and miserable all the time. Like that talk about your birthday shit earlier? You are such a bummer, Gaara. You make me sad. You make everyone around you feel sad and miserable. Like you’re sucking out their joy or something!”
Gaara jerked back a little in his seat, eyes going wide. It was everything he hated about himself and everything he worried about, constantly, bundled together in some sick ball that had been verbally flung right at his face. It hurt. It fucking hurt to hear and it felt worse coming from Naruto, someone Gaara had come to believe would never hurt him on purpose. What was worse, though, was that it was almost painfully obvious that there was something else Naruto was avoiding talking about.
The fact that Naruto would rather hurt him than talk about something bothering him made Gaara want to scream. That wasn’t fucking fair.
Gaara took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. He could feel the anger rising and he knew he had very little time to get it under control before he really lost it. He met Naruto’s gaze from across the table and scowled. “That’s a low fucking blow, Uzumaki. Whatever it is that you’re so scared to talk about, it doesn’t give you the right to say shit like that to me.”
Naruto laughed a humorless, dry laugh. It didn’t suit him in the slightest. “For someone that’s usually so quick to blame himself for everything, I’m shocked you aren’t jumping at the chance to be guilty this time, too.” He raked his hand through his hair. “You asked if you did something wrong the other day, remember?”
Gaara did remember. He’d been replaying that night on Naruto’s porch for days. Of course he fucking remembered.
Naruto continued, “I was trying to hold out until after your birthday but god, Gaara, I can’t handle being around you anymore. You and your fucking endless pity party. You know, I’m genuinely surprised your brother and sister never sent you away because you’re such a hard person to deal with and-”
Gaara had flung his water before he could stop himself. It splashed all over Naruto’s face and clothes and Gaara could feel the eyes of other aquarium goers on them and could hear some vague whispering. He was too angry to care. His blood felt like fire in his veins and his stomach was twisting into a tight knot. He was so fucking angry that his hands were shaking as he stood up, his chair screeching against the floor. Naruto spluttered and blinked at him, shocked, and Gaara clenched his fists at his sides.
“Fuck you,” He hiss through his teeth, watching Naruto’s entire expression morph into something close to horror. He should have stopped there and shut up. He should have sat back down and pushed, poked at whatever wound Naruto was clearly trying to hide by saying all of this horrible shit to him. His anger was too strong, though. The comment about his brother and sister had been salt in an always gaping and bleeding wound and Gaara’s face was hot with rage, his eyes stinging with the threat of tears. “If you want to be a fucking dick instead of talking about things like an adult, fine! Be a fucking child about this-”
“Uh, excuse me?”
“ What?” Gaara whirled around, seething, to face the aquarium worker that stood awkwardly a foot or two away.
The worker, clearly older than them by a bit, smiled awkwardly at him, his fading, dyed blue hair a little messy from the headband that kept it out of his face. His name tag read Kisame. He clearly didn’t look comfortable standing there and getting in the middle of whatever mess they had going on and Gaara did feel a little bad but he was too angry to care enough.
“Hey, I’m really sorry but you two are disrupting our other customers.” Kisame murmured, glancing at Gaara and then at the still damp Naruto sitting at the table. He winced and then met Gaara’s eye again. “If you two don’t quiet down, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Gaara gave a sharp nod. “Fine.” He muttered and stepped away from the table, shoving his chair back in roughly. “I was just leaving.” He assured as Kisame gave him a hesitant nod before walking away, though very clearly not going far.
Naruto, the bastard, had the audacity to scoff. “Gonna run away from a hard talk like usual, Gaara?” He muttered, sounding bitter when he had no right to be. “That’s your speciality, right? Run away when people point out how insufferable you are and then you make it everyone else’s problem?”
Gaara wanted to strangle him. He turned back to him with another heavy scowl, bracing his hands on the table as he leaned over until there was hardly any space left between them. Days ago, being this close would have made Gaara swoon like a schoolgirl. Now, though? Now it just made him want to break everything in sight. That look of mild horror had returned to Naruto’s face. Maybe he was regretting it all, every cruel thing he had said in the last five minutes. Maybe he was considering telling the truth instead of digging a deeper hole and causing more damage. Maybe, just maybe, he had realized he’d gone too far too fast.
Gaara wasn’t going to give him the chance to fix it.
“You always talk about how horrible Sasuke was to you when he didn’t want to deal with his own issues,” Gaara said slowly, quietly. He didn’t trust himself to speak any louder than this, didn’t trust himself not to throw a punch he never wanted to throw. “Yet here you are doing the same thing. Whatever the fuck you’re dealing with, figure it the hell out because you do not get to talk to me like that. You don’t get to walk away from this feeling like you’re right. You’re being a dick, Naruto, and if you say one more thing to me, I’m going to hit you. Please don’t make me hit you.”
The plea in his voice was as genuine as the tears that had finally started to trail down his cheeks. Shame flooded his system and only worsened when Naruto’s lip trembled. Gaara paused for just a second but when Naruto said nothing, made no move to fix whatever was wrong, he stood back up and turned, walking away as quickly as he could without running.
Shame and rage and horror, mixed with an overwhelming amount of embarrassment swirled around in his gut until he felt like he’d throw up. Naruto didn’t call after him and that made the tears come faster than before and Gaara wiped at them with the back of his hand uselessly. Once he started to cry he couldn’t stop so quickly.
Hurting others to avoid being vulnerable and honest was a harmful coping method Gaara was all too familiar with but it had never been something he’d associated with Naruto. Naruto had always been so kind to everyone and never seemed like the type of person to take his own problems out on other people, not like this. Gaara felt stupid for all of this. For agreeing to this fake dating thing all those months ago and for letting himself open up to some jerk and especially for falling so hard for a guy that would rather break his heart in two than talk to him. He felt so fucking stupid.
Gaara shoved past the exit doors of the aquarium with a shaky breath, the cold air making his eyes sting as he kept walking. He didn’t want to walk home from here. It was too far and he was crying and it was only going to get worse but he couldn’t call his brother or sister. Not with Naruto still in there somewhere.
Lee, thankfully, answered his phone after the first ring, his voice bright and cheery as always. “Birthday boy! Hey!”
Gaara choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes shut. “Lee.”
All at once, the joy vanished from Lee’s tone, replaced by an almost frantic worry. “Gaara? What’s the matter? Are you okay?” He couldn’t be sure but it sounded like Lee had gotten up and started moving.
“Are…are you at work?” Gaara breathed, using all of his energy to keep from sobbing like that again. People were side-eyeing him.
“I’m working from home today,” Lee murmured into the phone. “What’s the matter, Gaara? Do you need me to come get you?”
“Yes.” He breathed softly, shoving past a group of people crowding the sidewalk. They huffed at him in response but he paid it no mind, eyes down at the sidewalk, still wet and leaking.
“Where are you?”
“Coffee shop down by the aquarium.” It was the only place Gaara could remember off hand and he was headed there anyway. It would take five minutes to walk there. Three if he kept at his pace.
“Okay, wait there.” Lee ordered gently. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
To his credit, Lee got there in twelve minutes which was really a testament to his friendship with Gaara. Lee didn’t like to speed when he drove, nor was he ever in a rush to get anywhere anyway. But he made it there in twelve minutes flat, pulling up to the curb near the spot Gaara had pressed himself into a corner outside of the coffee shop, face buried in his hands.
Gaara was quick to get into the car, pressing his hands over his face as he took a few shaky breaths, feeling his heart hammering and his mind racing. This wasn’t a panic attack, thank god, but it felt worse; he hadn’t wanted to cry like this in a long, long time. Lee wasn’t even able to speak before Gaara started to sob into his hands, ugly sobbing that had his entire body trembling with the force of it.
Lee’s hands wrapped gently around his wrists, prying his hands from his face. “Gaara-”
“I hate him.” Gaara hissed out, looking at Lee through blurry eyes. “I hate him. I hate him!”
Lee blinked at him, lost for a moment. “You…Naruto? Are you talking about…” He frowned, glancing down the street in the direction of the aquarium before he looked back at Gaara, the worry etched all over his face. “What happened, Gaara?”
Gaara shook his head. “J-just take me home. Please. Take me home.”
“Okay, okay.” Lee relented without a fight. Gaara liked that about him; he never pushed too hard, never pried too deep if Gaara wasn’t ready.
Lee started driving and kept one hand wrapped around Gaara’s left wrist, squeezing it gently to remind him that he was there. Gaara loved him so much in that moment and it made him cry harder, guilt for dragging Lee into this making him sick and the rage he felt towards Naruto making him dizzy. He really did hate Naruto at that moment but he hated himself even more. He hated that he felt like that towards himself after doing so well for so long. After getting so close to someone in a way he hadn’t before…
The drive was miserable. Lee was silent, which he never was, and his worry was radiating off of him in waves that made Gaara feel even worse. No music was playing. The only sounds were Gaara’s sobs and shaky breaths. This was so humiliating and terrible and he felt so bad for making Lee worry. His throat was aching and his eyes were stinging and the tears just kept coming because all of Naruto’s words were replaying in his head. How could he have said that to him? Just a few weeks ago he had told Gaara that he thought he was kind and gentle and a wonderful person. How could he turn around and say such horrible shit to him? What the fuck could he have been dealing with that would make him say such awful things to avoid being honest?
The sight of his house was both a blessing and a curse. His family was in there getting ready to have a whole night with him and the mere thought of doing that made him want to scream. He doubled over a little bit, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to curl up as much as he could in the passenger seat of Lee’s car. “I can’t fucking do this.”
Lee’s hand, gentle and hesitant, gently ran through Gaara’s hair. “Gaara…do you want me to walk you inside?”
He did. Lee was good at keeping people away from him when he was upset, even if the people in question were his brother and sister. But Gaara had already drug him into this so much and couldn’t stand the idea of doing any more to him. So Gaara shook his head just a little and took a shaky breath, sitting up. “No. Go home, Lee.” It took all his concentration to keep his voice steady.
Lee looked like he wanted to argue, eyes narrowing a little as he gripped the steering wheel with his free hand a little tighter. He wouldn’t push but he wanted to. He wouldn’t pry, not yet, but he wouldn’t forget about this. He would think about this all day long. He’d think about it until Gaara finally told him what happened.
Gaara stumbled out of the car before Lee could try to argue. He wanted to thank him for being his friend, for being so kind. He knew that what Naruto had said had only been said to hurt him but it didn’t mean he didn’t believe it. He did think he was a bummer and he did view himself as someone that sucked the joy out of the people he loved without meaning to. He did think that everyone was constantly pitying him, being kind out of an obligation to be nice rather than because they wanted to be. He’d spent so long feeling like a burden to others, internalizing all of it, that to hear Naruto of all people say it to his face like it was easy had shattered something he didn’t even know was inside of him.
Maybe this was what heartbreak felt like for real. This crushing, suffocating rage and shame and self-hatred seeping out of every part of him.
Gaara walked into the house and was immediately hit with the smell of a baking cake. Everyone was in the living room and Temari looked over at him, a wide grin on her face. “Hey, birthday boy! You’re early-”
“Leave me alone.” Gaara hissed it out before he could remind himself to be nice. He grit his teeth as Temari’s expression faltered and she looked towards Shikamaru and Kiba and then Kankuro in alarm.
Kankuro started to stand up, frowning because Gaara was still crying and Kankuro had always been especially haunted by the sight of him crying. “Gaara, what-”
“I said leave me alone .” Gaara hurried through the living room, smacking away Kiba’s hand when he reached out for him. He couldn’t face his family like this. Fuck, this was so typical of him to turn a day they had all been looking forward to into such a mess. Naruto was right even if he wasn’t meaning to be. Gaara was a fucking selfish child.
Gaara slammed his bedroom door even though he didn’t mean to. His phone was vibrating in his pocket with a wave of texts from Lee and his siblings and he let out a small scream of frustration, throwing his phone somewhere across the room. He couldn’t look at it. He couldn’t answer any questions, couldn’t make anyone else feel better when he was falling apart all because of some guy he’d been dumb enough to trust with his most tender of secrets.
Gaara crawled into his bed, face pressed into his pillow. He would stay here until he felt better. Until he wasn’t scared he’d hurt himself or someone else.
Saturday, January 20th
He stayed in bed all day. Despite the pleas from the other side of the door, he refused to move an inch. He stayed in bed, sleeping or staring up at the dark ceiling when sleep wouldn’t come.
Sunday, January 21st
He canceled his work appointments for the next few days, ignoring the ocean of texts and missed calls flooding his half dead phone. Sasuke had called a dozen times. He'd call a dozen more. Gaara was thankful that Sasuke was still out of town.
He threw his phone across the room, praying it hit the wall hard enough to break this time.
Tuesday, January 23rd, 10:20 a.m.
Someone was knocking on the front door. He’d been secluded in his room for five days and someone was knocking on his front door. Loudly. It was too long to ignore. He had buried his face in his pillow to try and ignore it but when it didn’t stop he finally heaved a heavy and long sigh and crawled out of bed. Maybe his brother or sister had finally gotten sick of his pathetic moping. Maybe Temari had finally hit her limit with his melodramatics. Maybe Kankuro was going to drag him outside and force him to act like a human being. Hell, even the fucking cat had been avoiding him. Shukaku hadn’t even scratched at his door this whole time, most likely sticking close to Temari instead. Maybe Temari had come to give him his cat and tell him to finally get over it.
It was Lee knocking on the door. Gaara had swung it open, ready to hiss out some weak excuse to be left alone, and found his voice dying in his throat. Lee stared back at him, hands on his hips, and a small frown on his lips. The rest of the house was quiet.
Gaara frowned softly. “Did my siblings let you in?”
“No, they’re both gone.” Lee replied, shaking his head a bit. “I have a spare key you forced me to keep, remember?”
Of course he remembered. Kiba and Shikamaru had been given spare keys for obvious reasons and Gaara had given out two; one for Lee and one for Sasuke. Lee and Sasuke were the best choices when it came to Gaara needing help if his family wasn’t readily available. He had even made Lee’s key green so it was special. At this very moment, however, he was deeply regretting that choice. “Right. I remember. But why are you here?”
“Why? Are you really asking me that?” Lee scoffed, eyes widening a little before his frown deepened. When Gaara did nothing but stare back at him blankly he groaned, pushing past Gaara and walking into the house as he threw his hands up. “You’re freaking everyone out, Gaara!”
Gaara closed the front door once Lee was inside and sighed, leaning back against it heavily as Lee whirled around to look at him. “Lee-”
“You’ve been in your room for five days, Gaara. Five.” Lee stressed, his voice surprisingly calm now despite how easy it was to tell that he was upset. He had a tell; his left eye twitched when he was upset or worked up. It was currently twitching quite a lot.
Gaara frowned a little. “How did you know that?”
“Do you think Kankuro and Temari don’t talk to me in their free time?” Lee shot back. His hands had settled on his hips again. “Or Shikamaru and Kiba? I have sources! They’ve been talking to Sasuke and I non-stop since whatever happened on your birthday. Sasuke is stressed out, Gaara, Sakura and I had to talk him out of cutting his trip off early!”
Guilt stabbed Gaara's gut, making him wince a little. “...I haven’t answered any of his calls or texts.”
“I know that. He and I talk a lot.” Lee replied, his voice a little softer now. His shoulders relaxed just a little and he let out a small sigh of his own. “Your brother and sister are really scared, Gaara. They called me to ask if I knew what happened and obviously I didn’t. They called Sasuke right after and he was totally clueless and basically we’ve all been group messaging each other to try and sort things out. Sasuke agreed not to call his trip off if I came to see you. I mean, I was going to anyway but still.”
The guilt tripled, a feeling he should have been used to by now, and Gaara felt tears sting his eyes. Squeezing them shut hard, because he was not going to cry again, he nodded jerkily and anxiously scraped his fingernails against the door pressed against his back. “I…can’t face anyone right now, Lee. I can barely face you.” Even this was so hard. Lee was here because he cared so much about him and all Gaara had done was make him sick with worry. He’d made his brother and sister sick with worry. Shikamaru and Kiba and Sasuke…hell, probably Sakura, too, and he didn’t even want to think about the group at work.
“Gaara,” Lee’s voice was the softest Gaara had ever heard it and when Lee’s hand gently wrapped around his wrist, he swore he’d cry right then and there. “I’m not going to make you face anyone. It’s just you and me, alright? I just want to make sure you’re alright. That’s what friends do.”
Gaara didn’t exactly feel like he deserved to have any friends right now, especially one like Lee. He let Lee pull him away from the front door and veer him towards the hallway. “Where-”
“You look terrible, Gaara.” Lee cut in with a small smile over his shoulder. “You’ll feel better after a shower and clean clothes, I think. Not entirely better but…at least a little.”
Gaara didn’t want to shower. He looked how he felt; bad and gross and terrible. The part of his brain that liked to not deal with his issues knew that if he was clean, he would really feel a bit better about himself and that was the part of his brain that wanted to stay stuck in this bubble of misery. That part of himself was not the part he should listen to, of course, and he knew that but it was still a little tempting. If he was stuck in his little bubble then he wouldn’t have to take the next step in getting over all this crap.
His reluctance must have been more obvious than he thought. Lee offered another smile as they entered the bathroom, letting go of Gaara’s wrist and walking to the bathtub. “Don’t give me that look; you really look terrible, man, and you sort of have a smell.”
That…made Gaara consider bathing a little more. He glanced down at his clothes, the exact same ones from five days ago, and then let out a soft groan as he pressed his face into his hands. He was exhausted. His bones felt heavy. He just wanted to be in bed. “I can’t, Lee.” He could. He knew he could. God, why couldn’t he? He knew how horrible he must have looked; hair unwashed and messy and clothes far too worn at this point. He needed to do this.
“Good thing I’m here, then.” Lee turned on the water for the bath and whirled around to look at Gaara again. “Clothes off. Get in the tub. I’ll be right back with clean clothes for you and if you aren’t in that tub when I come back, I will put you in there myself.”
Lee was not someone to cross when threats of manhandling were tossed out. Lee was without a doubt stronger than him and the mere thought of Gaara being manhandled into his own bathtub was enough to make him agree. He undressed quickly and sat down in the tub, immediately sighing in content as the hot water began to slowly fill it. He knew it would make him feel better, and it did, but he felt very much like a child at that moment. It didn’t help much that Lee had come back, placing clean clothes on the sink before sitting on the edge of the tub.
He didn’t mind that Lee was there, of course. It was kind of nice and Lee was probably the only person other than Sasuke that Gaara would let help with something as simple as bathing himself during a depressive spiral. He just felt like a child because he shouldn’t have let it get this bad in the first place. But Lee was…good. Lee was helpful. Lee was smiling softly at him, patiently, and it made the ache in Gaara’s chest ease a little.
“Feel better?” Lee asked him.
Gaara shrugged his shoulders. “Sorta. Thanks.” The water was at his hips now, engulfing him in warmth.
The two of them sat in a comfortable silence as the tub filled. Gaara let himself lean back, enjoying the heat and Lee’s presence for a few minutes. He zoned out at one point, eyes locked on an old, semi-dented plastic convenience store cup that sat on the edge of the tub. Shikamaru had set it there once because Temari loved to take baths, especially when she was stressed. The cup was to make it easier for Shikamaru to wash her hair for her, something he lightly teased her about but secretly loved to do. The cup remained there, a small symbol of Shikamaru's love for his sister. A small reminder that love did exist even when Gaara felt like it didn't. Sort of like right now.
When the tub was filled he turned the water off, running wet fingers through his greasy hair and frowning a little at the feeling. He’d be thanking Lee for this for quite a while.
“So,” Lee spoke up, making Gaara glance over at him again. Lee offered him a small smile, his chin resting in his palm. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Gaara’s first instinct was to say that he didn’t want to talk about it but as much as he hated it, he sort of really did want to talk about it now. He’d spent most of his life keeping his misery locked inside of himself and it had torn him up inside. He now had years spent relying on Lee and Sasuke to talk him through his issues or to lend an ear when he just needed to be angry or sad about something. Having that experience meant it was harder to keep things in and pretend that he liked it that way. There was no way to explain what had happened with Naruto, though, without coming clean to Lee about everything. The fake dating and the accidental crush…all of it. If he wanted to talk about it then he’d have to talk about all of it.
So, that was exactly what Gaara did.
Gaara explained that stupid halloween party and what had happened the next morning and, after that, he explained everything else. Lee listened patiently, only moving from his spot once to lean over and shut off the running water when the tub was filled and hot. He listened as Gaara explained all of the stupid shit that had happened; the first incident on Gaara’s couch and the late night spent in Naruto’s car. All the intimate secrets Gaara had shared with Naruto, the ones Naruto had shared with him, and the many times Sasuke had literally begged him to do the smart thing and stop the whole ordeal. He even explained what had gone down at the aquarium and how despite the shitty things Naruto had said to him that had triggered his worst habits, the fact that Naruto had lied instead of talking to him like a normal person had hurt him the most. It wasn’t as embarrassing to talk about, at least not as embarrassing as he had expected. It actually felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and now he sort of felt bad for being so mad that Naruto had told Sasuke everything a while back.
When Gaara finished telling him everything, Lee let out a long sigh and dipped his hand into the water near Gaara’s legs. “That’s…a lot, Gaara.” He said after a moment, offering him a small, sideways smile that didn’t really reach his eyes. “I’m really sorry that we made you feel like you had to do all of that. I…know we’re bad gossips sometimes. I just didn’t realize us joking about you and Naruto made you feel so strongly.”
“It isn’t…that big of a deal.” Gaara shook his head a little and sat up, running his wet hands through his hair a few times and grimacing at the greasy feeling it left. “I just spent my whole life being told by my father that what I felt was wrong or…selfish, I guess? I should have been more stern when I brought it up. I know they were just jokes but…I guess it really bugged me more than I thought. Naruto, too.”
“I’m sorry, either way.” Lee pulled his hand from the water and snagged the dented cup from the side of the tub, sliding over to sit closer to Gaara. “Head back, close your eyes.” He murmured, dipping the cup into the water.
Gaara did as he was told, head tilted back and eyes squeezed shut as Lee gently poured the cup’s water over his hair, soaking it and sending the warm water down Gaara’s neck and shoulders. He sighed softly, feeling a little more content than he had in days. “It doesn’t really matter anymore. He said what he said and it’s over with. I just wish I hadn’t…” He stopped himself, opening his eyes to glare up at the ceiling.
“You just wish you hadn’t actually caught feelings,” Lee finished gently, pouring another cup full of water over his head before reaching towards the bottles of shampoo on the shower shelf. He found Gaara’s fruit scented one instantly and squeezed some into his hands before moving to Gaara’s hair, massaging it in gently. “It’s hard for me to believe that Naruto said all of that. If I hadn’t seen you after, I’m not sure I’d believe it at all. I really, really can’t believe he’d mean all of it. But for him to say it to try and avoid a hard conversation…that’s not usually like him. I mean, it isn’t unheard of for him, of course, but he’s usually so careful with other people’s feelings. Whatever it is that’s bothering him must be really serious.”
“I just don’t understand why he didn’t want to talk to me about it,” Gaara let his eyes slip shut again as Lee’s fingers moved through his hair, scratching the grime from his scalp. “I know I’m not…the best with emotions and everything but I didn’t think I was that hard to talk to.”
“I doubt it actually has anything to do with you and how you handle things,” Lee offered lightly. “If he really did do all of this just to avoid talking about something then it’s because there’s something inside of him that he’s too scared to face. Not that I’m trying to defend him, of course; What he said to you was entirely out of line.”
Lee was probably right and it made Gaara feel only a little bit better about the whole thing. It still sucked, yeah, but at least even Lee could tell that something else was happening. Not that it mattered much in the long run because the mere fact that Naruto had said all of that to him to begin with was crossing a line Gaara had never thought he’d have to draw.
Lee rinsed the shampoo from Gaara’s hair and, thankfully, moved away a bit so Gaara could wash his face and body himself. As nice as it felt to be in the tub, he was starting to feel a little bit like soup. Dirty, depressed soup. As soon as he was cleaned he drained the tub and got out, taking the towel Lee handed him as he stepped out. He wrapped it around himself and heaved a heavy sigh, finally offering a small smile at Lee. “...Thanks, Lee.”
“No need to thank me,” Lee promised, patting him gently on the back before heading for the bathroom door. “Get dressed. I’ll go put on a movie and get some snacks. I’ll bring Shukaku if he lets me pick him up.”
When Lee left the room Gaara got dressed, taking the time to finally brush his teeth, taking a few more minutes than usual to really get in there. He brushed his hair. He even cleaned his ears and filed his nails. He wanted to hate how much better he felt just after taking care of himself. When he finished he shuffled out to the living room where Lee sat with a bowl of popcorn and two mugs filled with hot chocolate, some sort of action movie starting up on the TV. Shukaku sat on the arm of the couch and perked up the moment Gaara walked in, pressing his face into Gaara’s hand when he reached out to pet him. He felt guilty, then, for neglecting his little man for so long but Shukaku was an understanding cat and was always quick to forgive. He crawled right into Gaara’s lap the second he sat down and didn’t seem like he’d be ready to move any time soon. Gaara’s smile softened as he stroked his hand over the cat’s fur, feeling so bad for ignoring him but also feeling so thankful that Shukaku was always so forgiving when it came to him and his faults.
“Are you going to go back to work soon?” Lee asked as he passed one of the warm mugs of hot chocolate to Gaara.
“I will,” Gaara took the mug and took a small sip, staring at the TV. “I’m sure Deidara would have come here himself to check on me in a day or two. I’ve never really missed work like this before.”
“I know,” Lee leaned into him, the warmth of his presence calming Gaara’s nerves. “Hinata was really worried, too. She’s been talking to Sasuke a lot and he’s managed to convince her to give you some space but you know how she is.”
Gaara knew exactly how Hinata was. Caring. Far too caring, honestly. He was sure that when he turned his phone back on later, there would be at least a text or two from her. He felt bad for making her worry. Hell, he felt bad for making everyone worry but he was trying to ignore that guilt, pushing it to the back of his mind to deal with later when he had the mental energy to spare. Right now he was going to enjoy Lee’s presence, Shukaku’s gentle purring, and the snacks that Lee had gotten for them.
He was pretty sure they spent most of the day on the couch together. They cycled through movies and Lee came and went from the kitchen to refill snacks or bring water or other drinks. It was casual and easy in a way Gaara had dearly missed the last few days. It was early evening when Lee finally stood up, stretching out his back and looking over at him with a small smile. “Are you alright if I go home, Gaara? I can stay the night if you’d like; I just have to let Sakura know.”
Gaara shook his head and gently urged Shukaku out of his lap, standing up. “No, I’ll be fine.” He shuffled closer and Lee accepted his hug immediately, letting Gaara press his face into his shoulder. “Thanks…for this. All of it, I mean.”
Lee’s hug was warm and firm, the way his hugs always were. It was one of the best things about him and one of the reasons Gaara had learned to become comfortable with touching people again when they were younger. “You don’t have to thank me, Gaara. It’s what friends do. I care about you.”
Gaara nodded and took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets. “...You haven’t heard from Naruto at all?”
Lee shook his head and frowned a bit. “No. But…after seeing you like that the other day, I haven’t really been in a mood to talk to him.”
Gaara winced a bit. As furious as he was, it made him a little sad that this whole mess was making their other friends feel negative towards Naruto, too. “You shouldn’t stop being his friend because of this.”
“I won’t.” Lee made his way across the living room, pulling on his shoes. “It just rubbed me the wrong way and honestly, he’s closer with Sakura than he is with me. It’s…a weird situation to be in for me, I guess, but you’re both still my friends. You’re just one of my best friends, Gaara, and I’ll always show up for you.”
It probably was a weird situation for Lee to be in. He was friends with both Naruto and Gaara but closer with Gaara in the long run. Sakura, the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, was near inseparable with Naruto. It was awkward and he felt a little bad but he knew Lee could navigate these things better than most people. He couldn’t imagine being in that same position. Hell, it was the same position a lot of their friends were probably in right now, waiting with held breaths to find out what happened and where they would go from there.
Lee made sure to hug Gaara one more time before they said their goodbyes and Gaara was left in the living room with his sleeping cat, his brother and sister due home any minute. He had a feeling that Lee had left this late specifically because he knew it would mean Temari and Kankuro would have a better chance at catching him that way. He could go back to his room, he knew, and hide away for the night and start again tomorrow.
He didn’t do that, though. His brother and sister came home around six thirty. He was still on the couch with the cat when the two of them walked in and for a moment the two of them gawked at him as if they were unsure of how to react. Kankuro broke the awkward vibe first, a small grin tugging at his lips as he kicked off his shoes and hurried over to the couch. He plopped down so hard that it jostled the couch, making Shukaku hiss in displeasure and scurry off down the hall. Unphased by the cat’s departure, Kankuro tugged Gaara into an awkward, sideways hug, pressing his face into Gaara’s hair. “Look who finally came back to the world of the living.”
Gaara’s face grew hot and he rolled his eyes, watching as their sister walked over and sat on the other side of him. He gently pushed at Kankuro, fighting back a groan when his brother didn’t let him go. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled, giving in to his fate and leaning heavily into his brother.
“Don’t apologize,” Temari said from her spot beside him. Kankuro finally let him go and Gaara sat up, sighing, and looked at their sister. She looked back at him with that worried, almost maternal look of hers, and reached out to take his hand in her own, squeezing it gently. “We just want to know if you’re okay, Gaara. You-”
“Scared you,” Gaara finished with a nod, frowning a little bit down at their hands. “That’s why I’m saying sorry; I scared you two and I didn’t mean to. I was just…having a really hard time.”
“We know,” Temari breathed, leaning in to press her forehead to Gaara’s shoulder, something she did when she was exhausted or close to tears. He was sure it was the latter option but he wouldn’t push to check. “It was just really scary. You haven’t been like that in a long time and you were crying so much…”
“Lee not knowing anything didn’t help,” Kankuro added softly. “We were just blindsided. We aren’t angry at all, Gaara. We just want to make sure you’re alright. We…need communication, remember? We’re a family and we have to make sure we communicate what we need.”
Communication had saved their relationship when Gaara was younger. It kept them close and strong. He had never struggled to communicate with his siblings until this fake dating shit had started. God, that felt like a lifetime ago now.
Gaara leaned back into the couch, feeling Kankuro lay his head on his other shoulder. He felt…peaceful now, with both of his siblings heads on his shoulders and Temari’s hand in his. “I know,” He whispered softly. “We broke up, Naruto and I.”
He was sure that part had been obvious but neither sibling said anything. They just waited for Gaara to continue and…continue he did. He explained it all, though he kept the fake dating part out of it. There was no need to make himself look even more pitiful right now nor was there a need to see the way his brother and sister would surely judge him, at least a little, for making such an insane agreement. He told them about the time he and Naruto had spent together, though, and about how quickly Gaara had fallen for him despite not meaning to. He told them about the aquarium and what Naruto had said, though made sure to stress the fact that it was only said because, clearly, Naruto was avoiding something bigger.
Temari sat up and frowned heavily, shaking her head in disbelief. “It doesn’t matter if he said all of it to avoid something, Gaara; he shouldn’t have said any of that at all.”
“I know that,” Gaara assured her, offering her a lifeless smile. “I just need you to know that he didn’t mean it. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt, because it does….but yeah. That’s what happened.” He knew Temari would tell Shikamaru. He knew Kankuro would tell Kiba. He hoped they kept in the part where Naruto didn’t mean it. Despite Gaara’s own feelings, he wanted their mutual friends to decide how they felt about all of it on their own.
“God, that’s terrible.” Temari stated bitterly, standing up and smiling a little at him. “Forget about him. I’m going to make us dinner and we’re going to watch a movie together. We owe you a good movie night. I just wish Kiba and Shikamaru were here but next time they’re over we’re having a full family movie night.”
She walked off without giving Gaara the chance to speak and he laughed softly, rubbing a hand over his face. “She was really worried, wasn’t she?”
“Of course she was,” Kankuro sat up, a hand ruffling Gaara’s hair. “I honestly was worried she would go find Naruto herself and try to find out what happened. I…would have let her.” He admitted with a small smile, glancing away, his fists clenching in his lap. “It was really scary seeing you like that, Gaara.”
It wasn’t like Kankuro didn’t talk about his feelings. He was the middle child, stuck between a sister forced to grow up too soon and a brother that became a target for their father’s bullshit. He had a lot of feelings but, sometimes, he didn’t like to voice them because he wasn’t sure if his worries meant enough to be heard. He was better about that now, of course, but sometimes there was still a glimmer of that nervous, silently fuming child in him. Gaara could see that now and it broke his heart. “Kankuro, I’m sorry. I just…couldn’t face anyone. I feel…embarrassed and like an idiot.”
“You aren’t an idiot,” Kankuro pulled him close again, pressing a clumsy kiss to the side of Gaara’s head. “Relationship stuff is a mess and…I just wish I could fix it for you. Being a big brother and not being able to help your sibling is really crappy. I’m honestly just so glad to see you out and about again, Gaara. Seriously.”
“Lee wouldn’t let me do otherwise.” Gaara chuckled softly, leaning into his brother’s one armed embrace.
“Good. Lee’s a saint for that.” Kankuro smiled widely, kissing Gaara’s head one more time before he pulled away. “Forget about Naruto, alright? Focus on everything good and you’ll slowly start to feel better.”
Easier said than done if Gaara were to be honest. If there was one thing he wished he could forget, it was Naruto Uzumaki.
Wednesday, January 24th, 1:40 p.m.
Gaara was home alone again, comfortable in the living room with Shukaku sleeping soundly beside him. He had called Deidara earlier that morning, assuring the other that yes, he was alive and well and that he’d be back to work in a few days. Deidara was understanding, as he usually was, and had promised to pass along to Sasuke that Gaara was okay and would rather talk to him about everything when he was back in town. Sasuke had stayed out of town with Suigetsu longer than intended, which was good considering he had been thinking of cutting the trip short because of Gaara’s emotional crisis. The last thing Gaara wanted was for Sasuke to do that. So, Deidara promised to pass the information along and Gaara was left with the rest of the day alone, waiting idly for his siblings to return from their work days. Kankuro was in the office today, much to his displeasure, and Temari had a busy day ahead of her, so it was likely that Shikamaru or Kiba would make it to the house first. Gaara didn’t mind that; he hadn’t seen either of them since his birthday and he missed them.
Shikamaru and Kiba were most likely giving not just him space but Temari and Kankuro as well. It was kind of them but not needed; Gaara missed seeing them as much as he had missed seeing his brother and sister.
Shikamaru had sent him a text letting him know that he’d be getting off work early so a sudden knock on the front door wasn’t too alarming. It was a little surprising, sure, because Shikamaru had a key. But hell, maybe he’d forgotten it. It happened to everyone. Less to Shikamaru, as organized as he was, but it was known to happen from time to time. So Gaara had opened the front door expecting to see Shikamaru, a joke on the tip of his tongue, only to freeze the moment he saw his father standing on their front porch.
Rasa stared at him with a small, uneasy smile. His hair was damp from the light sprinkling of rain beyond the front door, as was a box he held in his arms. Gaara stared at him, mouth slightly open as if he were going to speak but no words came to him. When it became obvious he couldn’t think of anything to say, Rasa spoke instead, “Hey, Gaara. Is this a bad time?”
Gaara frowned and blinked a few times, feeling his heart spasm a bit in his chest. He gripped the doorknob a little tighter in his hand. “When would it ever be a good time for you to show up unannounced?” He was proud of himself for keeping his voice steady.
Rasa shrugged his shoulders, bending down to set the box down on the porch with a gentle thump. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, taking a few steps back. “If i had asked to come over your sister would have told me not to.”
“Well, she isn’t here if you’re here to talk to her.” Gaara muttered, eyeing the box before looking back towards his father. “Neither is Kankuro.”
“I’m not here to talk to either of them; I’m here to talk to you.” Rasa told him, shoving his hands in the pockets of his nice, fancy dress slacks. They stared at each other for a few silent moments and then Rasa shrugged again, leaning back against the porch railing behind him. “You don’t…have to say anything to me, alright? I just want you to hear me out and then I’ll go. I just really need to tell you…I need to say something, alright?”
Gaara could have closed the door and gone about his day. It certainly would have been the smart thing to do, all things considered, but there was something about his father’s almost…meek demeanor that gave him pause. It was an ironic twist on the dynamic the two of them had shared for years where Gaara had been the meek one and Rasa the one with all the power in the palm of his hand. So instead of closing the door in his father’s face, Gaara stepped out onto the porch, letting the door shut behind himself as he let out a small sigh. “Fine. Whatever it is, say it.”
Clearly not expecting such an easy response, Rasa blinked at him in surprise for a few seconds before he smiled. God, that smile made Gaara’s blood boil a little. “Thanks. The uh…the box.” He gestured to the box before he turned around, resting his elbows on the porch railing and looking out at the dreary street, at the sprinkling rain. “The stuff in it was your mothers.”
Gaara looked towards the box with raised brows, torn between ripping it open and also never touching it at all. It was…daunting to suddenly have things that belonged to their mother right there in front of him. It made him frown as he glanced back at the other man. “I thought you gave all of her things to Temari and Kankuro already?”
“Not those,” Rasa murmured softly. “I kept some things. There’s..journals of hers. She kept a separate journey for all three of her pregnancies. It was something she had seen online that she thought was cute…keeping note of how she felt, how often you kids moved inside of her…all that stuff. I kept those but they’re in there now. There’s also some letters she had written me when we were younger, a few home videos of you as a baby. A few photo albums of you as a baby, as well. A majority of the stuff in that box belonged to her when she was getting ready to have you.”
A weird feeling settled in Gaara’s gut, making him grimace a little as he slowly walked over to stand beside his father. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweats, staring out at the yard. “Did you not want me to have them originally?”
“Not…in the way you might think.” Rasa murmured. “I should have given them to you when Temari took you. I just…I messed up with all of you kids but I really, really messed up with you, Gaara. I just kept thinking about how disappointed your mother would be with the person I became when she died. I was supposed to be your father. I…I loved you kids so much. When you were born, Gaara, you were so small and we were so scared we’d lose you. I couldn’t handle the thought of losing you back then. The irony of it, right? I lost you in the end because of my own bullshit.”
It wasn’t really a new thing to him. He had heard how much his father had loved him when he was a baby. He’d seen a few pictures and it had left him just as angry and confused as the rest of his life did. But he’d never heard his father say it so openly like that. He’d never heard his father say how much he loved him. It was jarring to hear and it made him angry, yes, but it also made him sad. Terribly sad.
“When your mother died, I felt like I’d lost half of my soul.” Rasa continued softly. He’d never heard his father speak softly like this. He was always so loud, so dominating. “She left me with three kids and I was so heartbroken that I couldn’t begin to understand how I could do it alone. I never planned on having to do it alone, you know? Karura and I had this whole life planned out. We’d have kids and a house and maybe a few dogs when the kids got older. We’d all be happy and healthy and she and I would grow old while our kids went off to do great things in the world. Hell, we wanted another baby after you, Gaara. We had this whole plan and she just….died.”
Rasa pressed his face into his hands for a second, sighing heavily before dropping his hands down to the railing again. He shook his head, a small frown on his lips. “I was so caught up in my own pain that I refused to see the pain of my own children. I was so angry that she died. I was so angry that all of our plans were ripped apart and I was alone and the only way I got that anger out was by taking it out on you three and…I will never forgive myself for that. Never.”
Gaara could picture it, a younger version of his father in pieces over the loss of his wife. A man left with three confused, hurting children, lost and furious at the world for taking away the woman he loved the most. He could almost see how easy it would have been for Rasa to turn into the father he had grown up with and he hated him more than ever in that moment for making Gaara see the sense in his cruelty.
“It…doesn’t change anything.” Gaara forced out, clenching his fists in his pockets.
“I know that; I don’t want it to change anything.” Rasa assured him. “I just wanted to explain the reason behind my stupid choices. I…don’t expect you to forgive me, Gaara.” Rasa turned to face him and his expression was the most exhausted, saddened one Gaara had ever seen from him. “I desperately wish we could be a family again but I know we can’t. I was an idiot for inviting you kids over like that and just sweeping everything under the rug. It’s just…it’s hard for me to come to terms with what I did to you kids. To you. Even in therapy I still..struggle to own up to it. I had hoped that by just acting like a better man that you’d all forgive me over time without me actually putting the work in. That’s not how it works and I get that, I just…I’m not great at dealing with it yet.”
The worst part about all of this was that Gaara could empathize with it. He had struggled for years after leaving his father’s home to face who he had been and what he had done when struggling to survive. He knew the horrors of facing your own internal struggle and owning up to it when all you wanted was to feel like you were right through all of it. It was so much easier to lie to yourself and say that all the horrible things you’ve done were right because you were suffering. But that wasn’t how you healed and it wasn’t how you grew past it all. He hated how easily he could relate to his father’s pain after all these years, after all the suffering. He hated how, despite everything, he was more like his father than he had ever wanted to be. Wasn’t that just the biggest cosmic joke?
Rasa pushed away from the railing and sighed, shaking his head. “I’ll go. I just…wanted you to know that I’m sorry for that dinner and for…everything else. I don’t expect forgiveness or anything else. I just…wanted to be honest with you. You deserve honesty after everything I’ve done. You don’t have to ever let me back into your life and that’s fine. You just deserve honesty.”
Gaara watched as Rasa turned away from him to leave and then grit his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as he forced out, “The first step,” He murmured, making his father stop and look at him. He looked right back at Rasa, frowning softly. “Is to forgive yourself. The people you hurt might never forgive you. They don’t have to forgive you. But if you want to move past it and become a better person you have to forgive yourself first. It’s easier to sit in your misery and regret because it’s what you’re used to. It feels normal. But you have to drag yourself out of it and forgive yourself even if no one else will. There’s no healing until you can do that. The fact that you…feel bad enough about it to say it to me…that’s a sign. It’s progress. So…you keep moving forward.”
It was the kindest thing he had ever said to his father in his entire life. He had conflicting feelings about it, honestly, because a part of him wanted Rasa to drown in regret for the rest of his life. But he was also someone that had hurt people while in his own misery and he knew how hard that was. As much as he hated his father, he didn’t ever have to see him after this. If Rasa wanted to become a better person, Gaara didn’t have to be there for it and he could do one kind thing for the man that ruined his life. That, at least, he felt confident in. That felt like the best form of revenge he could ever achieve.
There was a car pulling into the driveway; Shikamaru.
Rasa stared at Gaara with wide eyes and then, slowly, he smiled softly. “You’ve grown into a smart young man, Gaara. Your brother and sister must be proud.”
Gaara nodded a little bit, saying nothing else as Rasa walked away from the porch. He and Shikamaru passed each other, Gaara saw Shikamaru eye the man wearily before he marched up the porch. Gaara scooped up the box Rasa had left and followed Shikamaru into the house.
“What was he here for?” Shikamaru frowned, closing the front door and kicking off his shoes. “Did he say something to you?”
“It’s fine.” Gaara murmured, shrugging a little as best as he could while carrying the box. He carried it to his bedroom, acutely aware that Shikamaru was following after him. Shoving open his bedroom door, Gaara set the box down by his bed and then sat down on the edge of the bed, eyeing Shikamaru who was still lingering in his bedroom doorway. “He just wanted to drop this stuff off and apologize for that disaster of a dinner. That’s it.”
“Guess that’s good,” Shikamaru muttered, a small frown still on his lips before he shook his head. “Anyway, do you have a second? I…kind of wanted to talk to you.”
“I have time,” Gaara watched as Shikamaru walked further into the room, sitting down heavily beside him. He had a weird look on his face, like he was suddenly feeling awkward which wasn’t exactly a regular thing for Shikamaru. He was usually too laid back to care about being awkward. This made Gaara frown softly. “Is everything alright…?”
“Yeah,” Shikamaru nodded and turned to face him a little, staring at him for a few long, silent moments. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something for a while but…you know, you were upset for a bit and I didn’t want to stress you out. But your sister and I have been talking and…” He hesitated. Now Gaara could see that the awkwardness was actually because Shikamaru was nervous. “How would you feel about me moving in with you guys?”
It seemed the day was full of surprises but this one was a good one. He knew why Shikamaru had seemed so anxious all of a sudden though the anxiety wasn’t needed. Gaara chuckled softly, a sound that was more of an amused exhale. “Have you and Temari been talking about that recently?”
“For a while, honestly,” Shikamaru shrugged a little bit, hands in his lap, fingers idly scratching at the fabric of his jeans. “We just didn’t want to rush into anything and I especially wanted to make sure I asked you and your brother how you’d feel about it. I haven’t talked to your brother yet but I'm going to. It’s just really important to me how you feel about it.”
“You guys wouldn’t prefer to have a place of your own?” Gaara asked.
Shikamaru shrugged again, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Temari loves this house and she loves that it means she’s close to you and Kankuro. To be honest, I’m sort of really falling in love with the idea of living in a full house.”
Shikamaru was an only child. He lived at home with his mom and dad. He always had. It had been a bit of a shock for him to adjust to being in a house that had more people in it but Shikamaru had liked it well enough. He had once said that their home had a warmth in it that he hadn’t really experienced before. Not to that degree, at least. So it shouldn’t have surprised Gaara too much that he and Temari would want to stay here together.
“Shikamaru,” Gaara hesitated for a brief moment before he reached out to pat the other’s knee in what he hoped was an assuring sort of way. “You and Kiba are my brothers now. I’d be more than happy if you moved in with us; you basically already live here as it is. And…Temari would love it. She’d really love it. She loves you and…I do, too. Obviously. I mean, I hope it’s obvious?”
Something like relief seemed to wash over Shikamaru’s entire being, his smile widening as he let out a soft laugh. He ruffled Gaara’s hair, yanking his hand back before Gaara could swat it away. “It’s obvious, Gaara. Kiba and I know you love us and…I mean, I hope that it’s obvious that we love you, too.”
It was always obvious. From the way Shikamaru always made sure to ask Gaara if he needed anything when he went out to the way Kiba always brought Gaara food or made extra for him when he wasn’t home. From the way Shikamaru liked to tag along grocery shopping with Gaara and they’d always pick up some sort of sweet treat along the way to the way he and Kiba could communicate across a room with little more than a glance or a raised eyebrow. They had become brothers Gaara had never asked for and it had been one of the best things to happen to not just Gaara but their family in general.
“Glad I got that out of the way,” Shimaru stood up and then paused, rubbing the back of his neck before he glanced back down at Gaara. “Uhm…Temari and Kankuro sort of told us about the whole…Naruto thing. I know it was really hard for you and I’m not going to push but if you need to talk then Kiba and I are here for you.”
It was almost easy to forget, for just a moment, about Naruto and everything else that had happened. Gaara frowned a little and leaned back against his pillows, nodding his head. “Thanks. I’ll be okay. I just…need time or whatever. It’s alright. I don’t really want to think about it too much right now.”
“Yeah, that’s totally fine. I just wanted you to know that we’re here.” Shikamaru smiled at him one more time, glancing at the box Rasa had left, before he left the room.
8:30 p.m.
Temari was in his doorway when he looked up from the book he was reading. He closed the book, setting it on his nightstand, and offering her a small wave. “Hey.”
“Hey,” She murmured and, a moment later, Kankuro was peering over her shoulder. Temari stepped further into the room, smiling a little. “Shikamaru told us that Dad was here…?”
“Oh, yeah,” Gaara waved it off as he sat up more, stretching his arms up high above his head until he felt his back pop lightly in a few spots before he pointed at the box he had yet to open. “He wasn’t here long. He wanted to drop that off to me.”
His siblings both looked towards the box. Kankuro cocked his head to the side. “What is it?”
“Stuff that belonged to mom, I guess,” Gaara murmured. “I haven’t opened it yet. Feel free to look through it.”
The two of them were at the box in mere moments, sitting down as Temari gently pried it open like it was something delicate. Gaara watched his brother and sister’s expressions shift, turning into something melancholic and fond. It felt a little alien to see but Gaara was pretty sure that had something to do with the fact that his brother and sister still remembered their mom and he, who remembered nothing, had a new box filled with her things that they had yet to see. Still, when Kankuro looked up at him and gestured for him to come closer, Gaara slid off of his bed and came to sit next to them as they started to sift through the box.
Temari pulled out a photo album and opened it, gasping softly almost immediately. “Oh, wow…” she breathed, pointing to the first picture tucked neatly inside of it.
There was a little baby in the picture, one that was so small and frail looking with a small, barely there tuft of red hair; Gaara. He was being held by their mother who, despite how tired she seemed, was grinning widely as she held him close to her chest. She was laid in a hospital bed. Beside her, leaning into the frame with a smile Gaara had never seen on his face before, was their father. He had an arm around their mother’s shoulders and a hand, a big strong hand, placed so carefully over the powder blue hospital blanket Gaara was wrapped up in.
“Oh, wow,” Kankuro agreed softly. “That’s right after you were born, Gaara. You were born early and they had to keep an eye on you, I guess.”
“God, you were so tiny,” Temari whispered, laughing a little as she laid her head on Gaara’s shoulder. “Mom and Dad were at the hospital for days until they were able to bring you home. Uncle Yashamaru brought us to see you when they were finally allowed to have visitors. Kankuro and I were so little and didn’t really understand what you were yet.”
Gaara wasn’t sure what to say. He said nothing as he gently pressed a finger to the corner of the photo, gazing at a version of his father he didn’t recognize and the face of the mother he had never really known. A strange feeling was welling up inside of him, a sort of sickness that he felt in his stomach and the back of his throat. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was feeling and what this picture was creating inside of him but…he hated to say it but he wished Naruto was beside him to make it feel a little more normal. For Gaara to talk to someone that wasn’t his brother or sister about the weird guilt he had when it came to missing his mother.
But his brother and sister were happy, flipping through a few pages of photos that they could only half remember. Pictures of Gaara swaddled in copious baby blankets. A picture of Kankuro awkwardly holding him as best as a little kid could hold a baby, with their mother watching on with a fond smile. A picture of Temari, missing a front tooth, grinning wide and proud as she sat on their dad’s lap, holding a bottle for a baby Gaara. There were so many pictures like this; Gaara growing slowly but surely and his family filled with a joy that he had never really known before.
There were other pictures, though, that seemed to make all three of them feel unsure of how to respond. Photos of their parents when they were young, much younger than in Gaara’s baby pictures. College pictures, perhaps. Maybe even high school ones. Young adult versions of their mom and dad wrapped around each other or caught in moments of laughter. The two of them surrounded by friends the siblings didn’t recognize. A particularly tender photo of Rasa, so young, smiling softly from across a sunset-lit room, a smudge of paint on his cheek and his hair a mess; this had been taken by their mother without a doubt.
Naruto might have been able to help Gaara make more sense of the mixture of feelings going on inside of his heart. But it was okay to be confused, Gaara knew. Sometimes life was confusing and sometimes it hurt to see your parents happier than you’d ever seen them and knowing that it was before you had come into the world. It was just a particular sort of pain to see their father so carefree and in love, captured in snapshots from a life long before children and death. A man they would never get to meet. A man that had died the day his wife’s heart had stopped.
Gaara leaned away from his brother and sister with a sigh, pushing himself up and bringing a slightly shaking hand up to rub it over his face, over and over, until his skin stung a little. “What else is in there?” He asked, biting the inside of his cheek until it bled, staring across his room instead of at the box.
Kankuro hummed, thankfully able to clock his brother's anxiety. “Journals. Another photo album. A scarf, it looks like and…” Some shuffling before a surprised gasp. “And home videos…”
Gaara looked back at them, watching his brother hold a case of discs in his hands. “Not tapes?”
“The tapes are here,” Temari held one up from the box and then glanced at the discs. “They’re labeled the same as the discs. Dad probably had them copied onto discs to be safe.” There was a pause as she bit her lip, glancing at her brothers. “...We can watch one?”
A very large part of Gaara didn’t want to do that. He was afraid of what he would feel if they did. It was one thing to see pictures but videos where he’d hear their mother’s voice? Their father had never given them home videos from their childhood. Temari had mentioned they existed once, a long time ago, but even she had been convinced that those tapes would never see the light of day. There was a certain hope in her gaze, though, and Gaara knew that if he didn’t want to watch them then neither would his brother and sister. That felt so selfish, though.
“We can watch one.” Gaara relented. “Are Kiba and Shikamaru here?”
“They’re in the living room,” Kankuro pushed himself up, offering a hand to Temari and pulling her to her feet. “We can watch it with them. I’m sure they’d get a kick out of seeing baby Gaara on screen.”
Gaara followed the two out of his room, fingers toying with his phone in his pocket. If shit hadn’t hit the fan he would have invited Naruto over to watch too, would have felt so much better about the whole situation with someone he could lean on when it felt like it was too much. It wasn’t like he couldn’t lean on his brother or sister, because of course he could, but it felt so wrong to do it when they missed their mom and Gaara only missed the idea of her.
It took very little convincing for Kiba and Shikamaru to be on board with watching one of the discs. They all got comfortable on the couches, Akamaru jumping up to lay half of his giant body across Gaara’s lap since Kiba was tucked into Kankuro’s side. Temari got the disc going in their DvD player and then tucked herself into Shikamaru’s side as, after a brief moment, it started to play.
The video had the typical fuzzy quality that came with old tapes and it opened with the voices of a giggling Kankuro and Temari and their uncle Yashamaru shushing them gently. “They’re coming in, you two!” The man whispered from behind the camera.
Gaara watched, entranced, as the front door of their old house swung open. Rasa stepped in first, a diaper bag slung over one shoulder and a duffle bag (most likely his and their mother’s hospital overnight bag) slung over the other. He noticed the camera instantly and laughed a bit, dropping both bags from his shoulders as Temari and Kankuro rushed to him. Kankuro and Temari were so young and so small as Rasa scooped them both up, kissing their heads. “Hey! We have to get out of the way so your mom can bring your baby brother in.” He scolded playfully, kissing their heads again before he stepped out of the way.
Karura was slow as she stepped through the door, easing in the baby carrier that had a baby version of Gaara tucked carefully inside. The baby version of himself was fast asleep, unbothered by the movements of his carrier. The present Gaara hardly cared about that; his eyes were locked on his mother as Yashamaru zoomed the camera in on her face.
“Karura,” Yashamaru cooed from behind the camera, making the woman look over at him. “How’s it feel to finally have the little guy home?”
“It’s wonderful.” Karura grinned brightly and Gaara swore his heart stopped. He had never heard her voice. Hearing it now made his eyes sting and he took a slow, deep breath as he kept watching, hands buried in Akamaru’s fur in an attempt to distract himself even a little.
Karura knelt down by the baby carrier, gently stroking the baby version of Gaara’s little chubby cheek with a gentle finger. “He slept the whole way home. Little guy is so sleepy. I love that. He was so fussy the first few days at the hospital.”
“That’s why he’s so tired now,” Rasa chimed in from the side, half of him off camera as Temari and Kankuro shoved their ways out of his arms. “There’s no more doctors to keep waking him up.”
Karura laughed and Gaara’s breath hitched. He had said once, a long time ago, that he might have been able to remember her laugh. He was right. That musical sound that lived in the depths of his mind was the exact same sound that he heard right now. His eyes stung even more and he wiped at them quickly, but the action didn’t go unnoticed.
“Gaara?” Temari reached over from the other side of the couch, gently touching his shoulder. “We don’t have to watch this-”
“It’s fine.” Gaara cut her off gently and grabbed her hand with his own. He didn’t let it go, squeezing it gently instead as he stared at their mother’s beautiful smile. “She’s just really beautiful.”
There was so much going through his head. The beauty of their mother. The joy of their father that was so hard to believe. The realization that their father had so much depth to him, more than Gaara would have ever wanted to think about.
Mostly, though, Gaara ached to have Naruto here with him to see this heartbreaking, beautiful part of his past.
Thursday, January 25th, 3:55 p.m.
“I’ll be home in a day or two,” Sasuke said this the moment Gaara answered his call. This was the first time Gaara had touched his phone in days and, much to his dismay, Sasuke had called him right as he was clearing the mountain of notifications. He didn’t say it as a warning, though anyone that didn’t know him would have thought otherwise from his tone. He said it as a way to keep the conversation partially open to anything, leaving it in Gaara’s hands despite how badly Gaara knew he wanted to pry about the whole Naruto thing.
Gaara hummed in acknowledgment, slurping oatmeal from a spoon with his free hand as he scanned through his emails on his laptop, making sure he hadn’t missed any client ones. He’d been responding to them all day, finally rescheduling all of the clients he had left hanging without a new tattoo date. “That’s good. Did you have fun?”
“Mhm,” Sasuke murmured into the phone. In the background a Tv played. It sounded like some sport related thing. “I miss being home, though.”
“I’m sure. Suigetsu coming back with you?”
“Just for a day or two and then he’s leaving again for a bit.”
“Bummer.”
“Mhm.”
Gaara frowned a little, jabbing his spoon into his half filled bowl of oatmeal. “Are you going to ask or what?”
“Are you going to tell me if I do ask?” Sasuke shot back, casually despite the fact that Gaara knew he was worried sick. “Lee gave me the whole run down after he checked on you. I sorta figured that if you wanted to talk about it, you would.”
Normally Gaara would be irked at Lee for saying anything but considering the situation he was actually glad. It meant he didn’t have to relive too much of the horrible event. “I don’t think there’s anything else for me to talk about.”
“But you liked him, didn’t you?”
“I did,” Gaara nodded to himself, leaning back in his computer chair. He glanced towards his bedroom window where Shukaku slept in the windowsill, enjoying the brief winter sun. “I do. It doesn’t matter, though. I’m hurt and that’s just how it is.”
“It just usually isn’t like him to say things like that,” Sasuke sighed. Gaara could picture how he looked right now; nose pinched between his fingers in exasperation, eyes a frown on his lips. “Even if he was avoiding talking about something else. That’s not-”
“I don’t care, Sasuke.” Gaara cut in sharply, frowning. He scooped up another spoonful of oatmeal, shoveling it into his mouth.
“You do care. Clearly.”
Gaara rolled his eyes. Hard. “It doesn’t matter, though. Thank the gods I never told him I wanted to be his boyfriend for real and all that. It’s done and he hasn’t reached out to me so it’s…it’s done.”
He wanted it to be done. He wanted to move on. But he was still aching, even if he was trying to put it in the back of his mind now and pretend he was over it. He still hesitated every time he looked at his phone, hoping he’d see Naruto’s name pop up on the screen. It was so stupid of him to care after all of this. If Naruto wanted to apologize and was avoiding him because he was afraid of how Gaara would react, that was still shitty of him. If he didn’t want to apologize…well, fuck that was twice as bad. But that was all out of Gaara’s hands. Why the hell should he be the one to reach out first when it had been Naruto that had said all those horrible things about him to his face?
A younger version of himself wouldn’t have been this pressed about it. In fact, the high school version of himself would have probably fought Naruto then and there at the aquarium without a single ounce of hesitation. He wasn’t that young version of himself anymore, though, and where he wished he felt rage he felt a deep sadness at the center of his being. A deep humiliation at being made a fool by someone he had cared about. By someone he might have even been able to love with enough time.
Sasuke sighed again. “I haven’t heard from him, either. I’ll see him when I’m back. I can say something to him for you…?”
Gaara scoffed softly. “I have nothing to say to him. Nothing that matters.” He hoped Sasuke went straight to Naruto first before coming to see him. Lee had honestly taken care of the brunt of Gaara’s melt down and now what was left was for Gaara to sweep up and deal with alone. Sasuke, despite feeling so bad for not being there when Gaara was struggling, was also worried about Naruto. Gaara knew him well enough to know that. The last thing he wanted was Sasuke in his space, worried to death when Gaara was finally working on dealing with it on his own.
“When are you going back to work?” Sasuke knew the cue for a shift in topics, thankfully. “Itachi and Deidara were pretty worried when I spoke to them last.”
“Very soon.” Gaara assured him, glancing at his computer. “I’m finishing up all my client emails and sending out finished designs for approval. I’ll be back within the week.” He missed going to work, honestly. He wasn’t normally the type to take time off because he hated not having something to do. Working was an easy schedule to follow, one that was reliable and that he had grown used to. Being home this long, crisis or not, made him feel more bored than he’d ever been in his life. “I’ll be back by the time you roll back into town.”
“That’s good,” Sasuke breathed, a smile in his voice. “I’m sorry everything sucks, Gaara, but I’m glad you’re…managing. Doing better.”
Gaara gave a faint smile. “Day by day, I guess. Fake it till you make it, right? Who needs boys and romance anyways? I have my cat, my friends, and my family. Fuck him.”
Well, at least they had managed to keep true to their original fake dating goal; come out of it with a valid reason to hate each other in peace. Gaara just sort of hated how it made him sad to hate Naruto this time.
Notes:
Thank you for reading! One more chapter after this! I'm also working on another Gaara/Naruto fic, though very slowly. I'm also working on a Sai centered one shot thing, and hopefully a Sakura/Hinata fic as well! Fingers crossed!
You can follow me on Tumblr .
also Twitter(I'm not calling it by it's new name, ugh). And I will on occasion post snippets or casual updates. Can find it
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Chapter 10
Notes:
First of all, I want to apologize for such a long wait. Long story kinda short, I was really sick, and I was using all of my energy to just live. I was basically in bed every day if I wasn't at work, with no energy to do anything. I couldn't write. I couldn't read. I couldn't go out without crashing hard. I was feeling so, so bad. My body genuinely had never felt worse in my life. But I think my doctor and I have it figured out now, mostly, and so while my energy was coming back, I slowly worked on this last chapter.
This definitely changed about nine times while I wrote it. I hope you enjoy it, I'm a little unsure of it but there's nothing else I can do with it I think, and a huge, huge thank you to everyone that's been reading this. If you were here from the beginning or just joined, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much. I had so much fun writing this and I'm so, so happy that it seemed to touch the hearts of so many people. My other Naruto works are on hold because of other things, though I'm slowly working on them. I hope to see some of you when those get around to being done, too. Thank you everyone for reading, for the comments, for kudos. I loved every single moment of writing this for you guys to enjoy.
Feel free to let me know if any typos are present. I do NOT beta read.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Saturday, January 27th, 11:00 a.m.
Naruto had been trying to keep busy ever since that day at the aquarium. He’d been working, as usual, and staying behind late to help Kurenai clean or fix broken toys and supplies or doing whatever the hell else she needed. He’d been taking evening jogs despite it being freezing outside as the sun dipped below the horizon. He’d been doing everything in his power to keep himself from thinking too long because if he wasn’t careful, the guilt would tear him up and he’d start sobbing into his hands. He’d been sobbing a lot lately and he hated it. He hated himself, actually, and that was a horrible feeling that he was too quickly becoming used to.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Gaara’s face, those tears that had spilled from his eyes when Naruto said all that horrible crap to him. He kept remembering the way the water from Gaara’s cup had slapped him in the face, ice cold and jerking him out of his self-misery just long enough for him to realize the lasting damage he had caused.
None of it was supposed to go that way. He had a plan, damn it. He was supposed to stick it out through Gaara’s birthday before he did anything else but Gaara had sprung that conversation about their breakup at him and he’d panicked. His nerves had been too raw, and he’d been so on edge and everything had come out so wrong.
The worst part? Gaara knew he was lying through his teeth. That had been the worst part of all of it. He’d been so chicken to own up to his feelings and say something and Gaara had caught it, had realized Naruto was choosing to hurt him instead of talk to him and he had looked so furious, so heart broken.
Today, Naruto couldn’t keep himself busy. He hadn’t gotten out of bed, ruining his usual Saturday morning routine of doing his laundry and cleaning out his car. He was pretty sure he’d skipped his meds for the last two or three days, too, which did very little to ease his racing thoughts. There wasn’t anything he could do, really, to keep his brain from lighting itself on fire. He was a horrible person. The worst kind of person to ever exist and Gaara should have hit him back at the aquarium. God, the way he had started crying, the way Naruto should have owned up to everything in that moment and eased both of their suffering. But Naruto was a fucking idiot and had stared, wordless, and let Gaara leave.
All their friends knew at this point. Naruto hadn’t spoken to any of them, of course, but he’d seen the frantic, then angry, texts from Lee. And he had pointedly ignored all of Sasuke’s texts and calls, not in the mood to be yelled at when he already knew how wrong he was. If those two knew then so did Sakura and that meant by now they all knew. What they knew, he couldn’t be sure of, but they knew he and Gaara weren’t together and that it was his fault. That much was obvious. He could just feel it in his gut.
Naruto turned over onto his stomach, pressing his face into his pillow. If the world opened up beneath him and swallowed him whole, he wouldn’t mind much. It was what he deserved after that whole mess. God, why hadn’t he just kept his cool? Why did Gaara have to press the issue? Why did he not just own up to his own feelings and fucking say what he really wanted to say?
Someone was knocking on his door. He was willing to bet it was his mother; he’d seen his parents share a not so sly look of concern when he shuffled through the kitchen for water earlier that morning. He didn’t linger, so they didn’t have a chance to prod him for information, but he wouldn’t be surprised if one or both of them had decided to just come up and talk to him in his safe place instead. He didn’t want to talk to them about any of this.
When he peeled himself out of his bed and yanked open his door, it wasn’t his mother or his father that stood in the hall. It was Sasuke standing there, a soft frown on his lips and a plastic grocery store bag in his hand. Sakura was peering over his shoulder, offering Naruto a small smile when their eyes locked. Naruto’s eyes widened a bit in surprise. “Sasuke? Sakura? What are you doing here…?”
He hadn’t seen Sasuke since he’d come back into town. He had sort of expected Sasuke to focus on Gaara in all of this. It wouldn’t have surprised him; Gaara was the one that was hurt, not Naruto. He would have thought Sasuke would yell at him, would call him an idiot and then hate him forever for hurting Gaara like that. He would have understood that, but it would have hurt. Sasuke had been his best friend first, not Gaara’s. It would have killed him if Sasuke had never wanted to see him again after this.
So, it was a bit of a shock to see Sasuke there.
“We came to see if you were alright,” Sasuke eased his way past Naruto into the room, tugging Sakura along with his free hand.
Naruto frowned softly, closing the bedroom door and watching the two sit down on his bed. He sighed and sat down between them, fists clenched in his lap. “I’m fine,” He glanced at Sakura, the only one in the room that wasn’t aware of the truth behind Naruto and Gaara’s whole dynamic. “All things considered…”
“She knows, Naruto.”
Naruto looked back at Sasuke, eyes widened a little. “What?”
“I know everything.” Sakura told him, offering him another small smile when he turned to her again. She shrugged her shoulders a little bit, her smile turning apologetic. “Sasuke told me on the way here and…well, to be honest Lee sort of told me the other day after he went to check on Gaara.”
“Lee knows,” Naruto murmured softly. Gaara had told Lee. Gaara, who had always been so meticulous about the secret being protected. Gaara who had probably been hurt so badly that he was willing to make himself look like an idiot in front of Lee, confessing to their stupid little plan.
“Well, yeah,” Sakura nodded and reached for the grocery bag Sasuke was holding, pulling it into her lap. She pulled out a small bag of sour candy, ripping it open and popping one into her mouth. “No one else knows, though, so don’t worry. They know you broke up but they don’t really know why. That stuff doesn’t even matter right now. Sasuke and I just…we really wanted to make sure you were okay, Naruto.” She turned to him with worry in her eyes, a soft frown on her lips.
In their adult lives, it was harder for them to be the unit they had been as kids, as teenagers. Glued to the hip and always getting each other into trouble. Best friends through all the struggles and awkward times. Right now, though, Naruto could feel the love they both had for him in the air. It both elated and sickened him. He didn’t deserve it. He’d die without it.
Naruto offered a small smile back at Sakura though his heart wasn’t really in it. “You must think we’re really dumb, huh?” He felt dumb, that was for sure. He wasn’t even really sure if ‘dumb’ was a strong enough word to explain how he felt.
She blinked at him in surprise and then shook her head, some strands of hair falling free of the tight bun she had coiled it into. “What? No, not at all.” She turned towards him more, her legs pulled up onto the bed as she reached out to grab his hand in her own. Her hands were warm despite how cold it was outside. “I think I’ve been such a jerk this whole time. To you and to Gaara. I knew you two didn’t like all the teasing about us thinking you two were into each other but I just…I kept doing it. And that morning after the party…God, Naruto.” She groaned softly, pressing her lips to his hand in a small kiss, something she did often these days when she was particularly overwhelmed with feelings. It almost felt motherly, if he were to be honest. “I should have just minded my business and instead I ran downstairs and told everyone that you two hooked up when I had no clue what happened! I didn’t think…well, none of us really thought about how annoying and frustrating it must have been for us to just keep joking about that. I really thought you, at least, didn’t mind it.”
Naruto, as long as Sakura had ever known him, has always sort of been the type to brush off the things that irritated him if it didn’t seem like the biggest deal. It made sense in the long run that no one would have really known just how much the comments had bothered him. He’d never put his foot down as firmly as he should have, had even laughed it off more times than he could count. Even if the comments had always rubbed him the wrong way.
Naruto squeezed her hand gently. “...I did mind it. But in the end you were kinda right, so…”
“That doesn’t mean it was okay for me to keep gossiping like that so much.” Sakura, exasperated, shook her head. She let go of his hand, pressing the bag of sour candy into it instead. “But…I want you to know that while it was mostly jokes, it came from a place of sincerity. I really did think you and Gaara would have chemistry if you got to know each other. He’s…prickly, yeah. And I wasn’t a huge fan of him either, not until Lee and I started dating and I got to see more of him. I just sort of always knew you two could be friends at the very least. And for what it's worth, when you two were doing this dating thing…you both looked really happy. It looked natural.”
They had been happy, hadn’t they? It really had felt natural, the way their friendship had grown and the way Naruto’s heart had seemed to bloom for Gaara. It had felt natural and it was a disaster and Naruto had done the only logical thing he could think of when faced with a crisis; he stopped it in its tracks and left no room for it to change.
Naruto’s slight smile soured a little as he popped the candy into his mouth, chewing it slowly. “It doesn’t matter now. He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you,” Sasuke muttered, crawling around on the bed until he was seated by Sakura, in Naruto’s view. He reached into the grocery bag and pulled out a tea, opening it and taking a small sip. “He’s just…really upset.”
Naruto bit his lip. God, he shouldn’t ask. “...How bad was it? How bad was he?”
“To be honest, I’m not even entirely sure.” Sasuke admitted. “He wouldn’t answer any texts or calls. I mostly got information from his siblings and Lee. Lee took him home that day and said that he’d never seen Gaara cry like that. His siblings were just as lost as I was for a bit until we all grouped together and Lee told us what he managed to gather when he picked up Gaara from the aquarium.”
He knew that he had made Gaara cry but the added reminder that Gaara had cried in front of Lee stung. Gaara didn’t like to cry in front of people, even those he was close to. He would have been embarrassed. Or worse, furious with himself for crying in the first place. Naruto was furious at himself for being the cause. Adding the fact that Gaara’s emotional reaction to what Naruto did had scared not just Lee but all the others that were close to Gaara like that only made Naruto feel even worse. All of the people he had hurt without meaning to…
“He skipped work for a while but he’s finally going back,” Sasuke continued, keeping his voice casual. “That’s probably the best sign, honestly. He’s upset but he’s…” Sasuke frowned a little bit and shrugged. “He wants to be over it. The sooner the better, from what it sounds like but I don’t think it’ll be that easy.”
Naruto popped another candy in his mouth, chewing slowly. “I’m sorry that I made him upset enough to ignore you.”
Sasuke scoffed quietly. “Don’t be. That’s his coping method when things are too much. He needs time alone and if I push too hard, he’ll snap at me.” Sasuke paused for a few seconds, his eyes meeting Naruto’s and he seemed, in that moment, conflicted. “I feel like I could have kept all of this from happening.”
It was Naruto’s turn to scoff. He shook his head. “You didn’t know what I was thinking, Sasuke, and there might not have been anything you could have said to make me stop.” He told him softly, accepting a bottle of water that Sakura passed to him.
“There was one thing I could have said.” Sasuke muttered, frowning down at his lap.
Sakura cleared her throat. Loudly. “Sasuke,” She murmured, eyes darting between him and Naruto for a second before she frowned softly. “Now might not be the time…?”
Naruto blinked in surprise, gripping the bottle of water tighter. “The time for what?” He looked towards Sasuke, eyes narrowing a little as he stared down his best friend. “Sasuke, what is it?”
Sasuke looked at Sakura instead, making Naruto want to scream. “I think this is the perfect time, actually.” He insisted. “I know I told you I’d wait a day or two to say it but-”
“Say what? ” Naruto demanded, throwing the bottle of water at Sasuke.
Sasuke caught it in one hand, still staring at Sakura. The two of them stared at each other. Sakura’s expression had morphed into one of concern, her lower lip caught lightly between her teeth anxiously. Sasuke stared back at her, pleading with his eyes in a way he rarely ever did. There was an ocean of words passing between them without either of them speaking and it made Naruto nervous. Really nervous, actually. Whatever it was, Sakura was most likely trying to protect Naruto’s feelings in his current delicate state and Naruto would have been appreciative of it if it didn’t make him so anxious. The last thing he needed, in the long run, were his feelings being protected.
Sakura sighed, slumping back a little bit and pulling one of Naruto’s pillows into her lap. She held it close, squeezing it gently as she nodded to their friend. “No, you’re right…there won’t be a better time for him to find out.”
Sasuke’s eyes met Naruto’s again, making Naruto tense up slightly. The water bottle in Sasuke’s hand was passed back to Naruto as Sasuke cleared his throat. Despite how much he had argued, seemingly, with Sakura, it was still painfully obvious that whatever it was he was about to say, he was nervous about it. He was worried it would hurt Naruto in some way. Though it pained him not to demand an immediate answer, Naruto waited silently, screwing open the water bottle and taking a long gulp to try and regulate himself. He wouldn’t rush Sasuke. He was lucky that Sasuke and Sakura were going to tell him whatever it was even if it was going to make him feel worse.
“Naruto,” Sasuke began slowly, averting his gaze. “Gaara…had romantic feelings for you.”
Two weeks ago those words would have made Naruto leap for joy. Right now, though, it made the dread that had been in his gut grow bigger and colder, and made his jaw clench. “Did he tell you this or are you just trying to make me feel better? Or…worse? Are you trying to make me feel worse?”
“No, I’m not trying to make you feel worse,” Sasuke assured him quickly, shaking his head. “I just…he told me. A while ago. He told me that he liked you but that he wanted to really think about it and…I mentioned that it might be hard for him to separate the friendship from the possible romantic feelings so that he could tell if he really did. He wanted to really think about it so neither of you got hurt but…I think he wanted to tell you.”
The hardest part about coming to know Gaara so well in such a short amount of time was that now, all of a sudden, that day at the aquarium made so much sense. He’d been blindsided by Gaara wanting to talk about their pretend break up and was confused why Gaara would have brought it up so soon. But of course, of fucking course, it was because he had been trying to tell Naruto he liked him. And Naruto had returned Gaara’s cautious optimism with cruelty and… fuck .
“Son of a bitch!” Naruto fell back onto his bed, hands covering his face as he let out a small scream of frustration. He shot back up a moment later and dropped his hands to his lap, scoffing as he looked at Sasuke who, to his credit, looked like he regretted speaking at all. “And you didn’t tell me?!”
“It wasn’t my business to tell!” Sasuke sneered at him, looking away again and crossing his arms. “I didn’t tell him about you and I didn’t tell you about him! I should have, okay? I’ve been feeling miserable about this for days and I know I should have just said something but I didn’t think this was going to happen!”
Naruto’s rage cooled a little as he took in Sasuke’s stiff posture and slightly raised shoulders; all signs that Sasuke was anxious, too, and maybe just as upset as he was. He couldn’t be upset at Sasuke for keeping a friend’s secret. He’d done the exact same thing for him, after all, and he couldn’t expect him not to have the same care towards Gaara’s secrets. He knew Sasuke was probably beating himself up over all of it. He didn’t need to add to it.
“...I’m not mad at you.” Naruto finally managed to say, leaning into Sakura at his side. “I mean it totally would have changed a lot if you had told me but…I can’t expect you to tell me Gaara’s business. Especially if it's something he wants to keep a secret. But…him liking me? For real? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” Sasuke answered with a small nod. “I’m twice as sure after all of this crap. That level of shut down he had…I’ve never seen it that bad. I should have said something.”
“I don’t think things would have been that different if you did say something, to be honest,” Sakura murmured softly. When the two of them looked at her she shrugged, offering a small smile that didn’t really look sincere. It looked sad, if anything. “I just mean…I know how you are, Naruto. And if you were already heading down the headspace you were in, you might have done something you regretted anyway. This is the first time since Sasuke that you’ve ever had feelings like this and it clearly scared you. You mean well all the time but I think you would have gotten scared anyway. If not from what happened recently, then from something else. This all sprouted from you feeling jealous, right?”
Naruto nodded, glancing away as he ran his hand over the blankets they sat on. “...Yeah. Mostly, yeah.”
“Then it would have happened again,” Sakura sounded a little more sure of herself this time. Naruto couldn’t really be that mad; she had a point. She knew him well, after all. “If not from Matsuri then from someone else. You would have gotten scared again and did something about it like you did now. You might not have been as…blunt as you were this time around but I think it would have been the same. This was all so fast for both of you, Naruto. You were falling headfirst into feelings you didn’t have the right time to process. As shitty as it is, this space between you two might actually be a good thing. Now you know how you feel and you know it’s real.”
She had a point. Things had been progressing faster than expected and Naruto’s feelings had been…intense. Even if it wasn’t Matsuri, someone would have set Naruto’s anxiety off eventually. That was always the hardest part of relationships; you were going to show an ugly side of you eventually. It was bound to happen but Naruto would have fought it, over and over, until he exploded. Just like he had on Gaara’s birthday. He was too scared to let himself be a little ugly so that they could work through it. A situation like this was bound to happen even if Naruto fought it with all he had.
“...I want to apologize to him.” Naruto’s voice was a whisper, fists clenching in his lap now. “The worst part of all of this is that he knew I was full of shit when I said all of that. He knew I was making the choice to hurt him instead of just talking to him. He’ll never forgive me for that.”
“Maybe not.” Sakura agreed softly, reaching out to gently place her hand on Naruto’s leg, squeezing gently. “But he still deserves to hear you say that you’re sorry and you deserve to have the chance to be honest and explain yourself.”
“I’ll be miserable if he doesn’t forgive me.” Naruto winced a bit at the thought, dragging his hands over his face in agony.
Sasuke scoffed softly, “Make sure you don’t start the apology with that line.”
Sakura laughed a little bit and, finally, the tension in the room seemed to fade away. His two best friends were here with him in his time of need and they knew him. They knew him better than anyone and, yes, they knew his actions were wrong but they knew why he had done it. They could still call him out for his foolishness while still being there for him. They had brought snacks and drinks and had come to make sure he was okay. That he was safe. That meant the world to him. He had feared that maybe what had happened between Gaara and himself would be what finally pushed the two away from him and he had been prepared, sort of, to deal with that. But they had come to him with concern and understanding, hadn’t sugarcoated anything to keep his feelings from getting hurt because Naruto was an adult and they knew that and they knew that as terrible and shitty as the situation was, he could handle talking to them about it.
“Think on it for another day or two,” Sasuke added after a moment, leaning back onto Naruto’s bed, shoving a pillow under his head. “Think about what you want to say to him before you go see him. I think he’ll hear you out but…he won’t make it easy.”
“He never makes anything easy,” Naruto couldn’t stop the fond smile from tugging at his lips despite the sour feelings in his gut. That was what he had come to like about Gaara, though. He was a challenge. He was a puzzle Naruto liked to solve. “I’ll think about it this time. I just want him to know that I’m sorry. I’ll leave him alone if he wants after. I just…I need to apologize.”
It was easier to say that than to do it, of course. The thought of facing Gaara now after what he had said to him made him want to throw up a little bit. It was terrifying. Sasuke may have been sure Gaara would hear him out but what if he didn’t? Naruto could never live with himself if he never got to apologize, if the two of them parted ways with Gaara unaware of just how sorry Naruto was for the whole mess.
Monday, January 29th 5:55 p.m.
Getting through another day at the school had felt like an eternity. He was relieved to come home, kicking his shoes off by the front door as he stepped inside. He could hear his mother’s voice, on the verge of being annoyed, from the living room.
“What do you mean they never got the emails with the meeting schedules?” She hissed. She was speaking into her cellphone when Naruto peeked into the living room, an eyebrow arched. If he remembered correctly, this was the week she was supposed to be off from work. A vacation her employers had practically forced on her because, in true Kushina fashion, she rarely took time off to begin with.
It didn't really surprise him at all that even on her vacation, his mother was stressed about work.
She sighed loudly and Naruto could tell how close she was to losing whatever was left of her patience. “Look, I cannot deal with this right now. Get it figured out; if I have to come in this week they're going to kill me. Okay? Bye.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be on vacation?” He padded into the living room and sat down heavily onto the couch, turning his head lazily to look at his mother.
She looked back at him with a sigh, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “That’s what I thought, too!” She shook her head and then slung her arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer and pressing a loud kiss to the top of his head. “I’m too good at my job, I guess; They always need my help. It’s so annoying. How was work, honey?”
“I got to pry two kids off of each other at lunch,” Naruto offered as he glanced at the TV. Some romance movie his mother had put on. Ugh. “They were biting and kicking each other because apparently there was some sort of fight over a yogurt cup. That was pretty much the height of the excitement today.” It had been a pretty nasty fight, honestly, and he and Kurenai had been stuck filling out paperwork and calling parents for over an hour after. He loved working with kids but sometimes those little ones got a little too…adventurous.
Kushina snorted softly, “I don’t envy you. Thank god you were never a biter as a kid.”
Naruto had to bite his tongue to keep from reminding his mother about his high school days and, specifically, the way he and Gaara had used to fight. Nothing had been off limits. Teeth. Nails. A well aimed elbow to the nose or gut. He didn’t want to really think about that right now, though, so he just chuckled softly and offered a soft, “Yeah, that’s true.”
His mother’s hand found its way into his hair, stroking it gently in a way that made all the tension flee his body. “You know, this is the longest you’ve been out of your room in a while.” She kept her voice casual but he could hear the concern that seeped into her words. “Is everything okay, Naruto?”
He considered lying through his teeth but he didn’t really have the energy. Plus, it would be a little hard to lie when his parents had seen him locked up in his room or doing just about anything to keep from thinking for too long. He shrugged a bit and frowned, leaning his head onto her shoulder. “Gaara and I broke up and I think I really messed up. I said things I shouldn’t have because I got…I freaked out, I guess. That’s all it is. I screwed up because I thought I was going to hurt him so my golden idea was to hurt him even worse. How stupid is that?”
“It isn’t that stupid,” Kushina offered lightly. She slid her arm away from him and shifted around on the couch, turning to face him. Naruto did the same, unsurprised when she took his hands in her own. “It actually sounds like you had some big feelings and that scared you. I’ve been there before. Your dad and I broke up in high school, you know.” She must have seen the surprise on his face because she nodded, sighing a bit. “For nearly five months in our last year of school. And you know, it was because I screwed up when I got scared of some big feelings, too.”
It was sort of hard to imagine that. His parents had always been such a picture perfect depiction of true love in his eyes. They argued from time to time, yeah, but it was never anything serious. They ended every day in love, just like the day before, and Naruto had always seen the two of them treat each other with respect and care even if they didn’t agree on some things.
“That’s weird to think about,” He admitted with a small smile. “What happened?”
His mother smiled back at him and leaned back a bit, seeming like she was placing her thoughts for a second. “Well, we were at his place one evening doing homework or something and I don’t really remember how it came up but your dad started talking about us moving in together once we graduated. And it was so silly because we had talked about it before a dozen different times but we were a few months away from graduating and everything suddenly felt so…real. Like suddenly there was this big clock looming over us and counting down the days until shit got real. I felt like everything just froze in that second.” She looked a little embarrassed for a moment. “Now that I’m older, I realize that it was because I was overwhelmed with the idea of being in charge of my own future. I was faced with the idea of moving out of my grandparents house and moving in with this guy I was crazy about and being an adult. On our own. I realized how serious it was. This guy wanted to live with me. Together all the time. With me. I was always fairly independent and I was proud of it but…in that moment, the feelings felt so big. The love for your dad. The fear of the future. The anxiety about things changing in a way that would affect not just my life but his. So, in typical Kushina fashion, I lost my shit.”
As insane as it was to picture his parents in any sort of real fight, he had to admit that it made a little bit of sense. Even he and Sasuke, who had dated in high school and after, had always been too hesitant to talk about something as big as living together. It was such a brave and scary step to take and it wasn’t something to take lightly.
“And I mean I lost it, Naruto,” Kushina murmured, a sheepish smile on her lips. It wasn’t that she enjoyed thinking about this, of course. It was clearly an uncomfortable thing for her to bring up and admit to. It sort of spoke volumes about how hard it had been back then for them, too. “I started a fight and told him he was suffocating me. I told him he wasn’t letting me be myself and was pressuring me and all this other horrible crap and he yelled at me, too. I’m sort of glad he did even if all it did was piss me off more at the time. He knew I was freaking out and that it wasn’t fair of me to take it out on him. He tried to ease the conversation down but I wouldn’t let him and the more he tried to fix it the angrier I got and I just…broke up with him. Right there. I gathered my stuff and got into my old ugly truck and I drove away.”
Kushina was impulsive even at her most tame so it wasn’t hard to picture her storming out of a house, slamming the door of her legendary old, beat up truck from her youth, and driving away like a bat out of hell. She looked embarrassed as she recalled it. No, embarrassed didn’t really sound right. She looked ashamed of herself even though this was well over twenty years ago. As happy of a woman as she seemed, though, she was like Naruto when it came to how tightly she clung to past mistakes to ensure she wouldn’t do it again. Still, it was…strange to imagine his parents ever being so angry that they couldn’t calmly deal with a problem together. But they were young and Naruto was no stranger to the emotional rollercoaster one had to deal with when they were young which was the whole point of this story.
“We didn’t talk to each other for a long time after that,” She continued through a sigh, frowning a little bit. “He wanted an apology and he rightfully deserved one. I just was too wrapped up in all my own issues to apologize even though it was all I could think about. Eventually it just felt like I waited too long and it was…ruined. I had waited too long, graduation was only a few weeks away, and I had ruined the best relationship I had ever had. I was miserable. Nothing felt good. I wanted to curl up into a ball and never look at another person again because the only thing I could think about was how shattered Minato had looked when I yelled at him.”
“You guys clearly made up though,” Naruto gestured towards himself with a small smile, making his mom snort a little. “I wouldn’t be here if not so…how did you fix it?”
“I got over myself,” She replied with an easy shrug, all of the tension from the conversation slipping away. “I sat in my room feeling miserable for weeks and I decided that I didn’t want to graduate school without at least telling Minato I was sorry. He deserved that and he deserved to know why I acted so insane so suddenly. I drove to his house and I had this whole plan, Naruto, I’m telling you.” She grinned slowly at him, shifting a little closer to him. “I was going to be mature and explain myself and assure him that I didn’t expect any specific response from him. I’d make it clear that if he never wanted to see me again then I’d understand. But then he stepped out onto the porch and I lost it. I was bawling like a baby.”
“Sounds about right,” He muttered dryly. It wasn’t uncommon for Kushina to cry when she was overwhelmed. Usually it was when she was happy, of course, or furious, but she wasn’t a stranger to some tears when her emotions ran high. Neither was Naruto, obviously, which was another trait he’d gotten from her.
“Rude!” She gave him a playful shove, laughing a little bit. “But yeah, I sobbed my eyes out and he was so sweet. He called me ‘sweetheart’ and held me and it made me feel even worse, obviously. It took me forever to finally choke out what I wanted to say to him and I still expected him to tell me off and never want to see me again but…you know, he was really understanding. We had a really long talk about boundaries and communication and everything and…we were okay. We were a little different for a while but I loved him and he loved me so we worked on it and he called me out anytime I started taking out my anger on him and I called him out when he was forcing too much on me at once. Relationships are a lot of work and sometimes it feels heavier than we’re used to but…it’s worth it.”
“That’s nice and all,” Naruto brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck, frowning softly. “But I don’t think Gaara and I will have an amazing make up like you guys.” The day Hell froze over would be the day Naruto would ever see that happening.
“Maybe not,” She agreed with a shrug. “But he deserves to know why you acted out, at the very least. You deserve a moment to be truthful with him and yourself. He doesn’t have to forgive you at all and maybe he won’t but he might appreciate the truth.”
“Yeah, that's sorta what I was thinking, too,” He leaned forward, pressing his forehead into his mother’s shoulder. “I just wish I hadn’t opened my big mouth. I was just so stuck in my head, you know? All I could think about was how everything went down with Sasuke and it freaked me out.”
“Gaara isn’t Sasuke, kiddo,” Kushina murmured softly, turning her head to press a kiss to his temple. “I know you know that logically but you need to remind your heart of that, too. Besides…you looked like you really liked him.”
Naruto leaned back to scoff softly. “You used to hate Gaara.”
“I know, I know,” She rolled her eyes a bit, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “But he’s pretty polite and nice. You looked happy around him and I liked that you were happy. I hope you two can at least be friends after this.”
Naruto didn’t feel confident in that but he nodded anyway, standing up from the couch and shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. “I guess we’ll see. I don’t even know if he’ll be willing to hear me out.”
He could hope. Gaara was an understanding person once you got past his initial wall of irritation that he put up to keep people out. Maybe if he had calmed a little then Naruto might stand a chance. For an apology at the very least. He wasn’t confident that he;d be forgiven. Hell, he’d be really confused if he was forgiven, but a small and hopeful part of him just really wanted to stay in Gaara’s life. They’d gotten too close to each other, too intertwined with each other’s feelings and minds. To life life without Gaara there now? He could hardly stand to think about it.
Wednesday, January 31st, 5:25 p.m.
Naruto was a daring sort of guy by nature but even this felt like he was tempting fate a little too much. He was parked across the street from the tattoo shop, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had gone white, his eyes locked on the shop like it would stand up and run away if he looked away for even a moment. He’d been here since he left work. Gaara’s own car was parked in front of the shop and while this seemed like it was nearing a late hour for Gaara to be working, Naruto had yet to see him. Maybe that was a good thing; his stomach was churning just thinking about seeing Gaara step out of the shop’s front door.
Maybe he should leave. Every instinct in his body was begging him to start his car back up and drive away and try this on a different day. Gaara would never know he was here, probably. Unless he had seen Naruto’s car? Had he caught a glimpse and decided to hide away? No, no. That was ridiculous. Gaara wouldn’t hide from anyone no matter what the situation was; he was braver and more logical than that.
Naruto finally tore his gaze off of the shop, letting his forehead rest on the steering wheel as he took a few deep breaths. He could do this. He needed to! Gaara deserved an apology and Naruto had to set the record straight. If only his body would agree…
“Naruto?”
Naruto’s head shot up and he looked to the side, startled by the sight of Hinata peering at him from outside of his car. She had her arms resting on the car door, through the fully open window, and her head tilted just a bit. Her smile was soft and friendly, if perhaps a little confused. Naruto sighed, relaxing a bit into his seat. “Oh, hey.”
“Hey,” she replied softly, her smile widening just a little. “What are you doing out here?”
“Ah…” He glanced towards the shop over her shoulder before turning his gaze back to her. “I was waiting for Gaara, I guess. I wanted to talk to him.”
“And…you think ambushing him at his place of work was the best way to do that?” Anyone else’s tone would have made him feel stupid. She only sounded curious and maybe a little amused. But nothing that made him feel like an idiot which he’d take any day. If anything, he did feel a little sheepish all of a sudden.
He forced out a small chuckle, biting his lip for a second. “I’m not ambushing him, Hinata. That’s an intense word.”
She arched one of her elegant brows at him. “He works here, Naruto. He’s sort of required to be nice to everyone that comes in so when his ex shows up trying to talk to him about whatever and puts him in an awkward situation he can’t easily diffuse without looking like a jerk in front of his coworkers, that’s sort of an ambush. Places of work are safe places, you know? It’s like if you were hitting on a waitress at a restaurant; she has to be nice even if she wants to strangle you.”
A low groan rolled past his lips as he let his head thud lightly against the headrest of his seat. “Okay, okay. I get what you’re saying. But I figured I’d have a better chance at getting him to talk to me like this than trying to catch him at home. He could just not open the front door at his house!” Naruto would stand there on the porch as long as it took, of course, but that was so awfully embarrassing and humbling to even think of. Plus…Temari and Kankuro weren’t going to be at the tattoo shop. They would certainly be at their house but here? No way. Naruto was trying to avoid running into those two, thank you very much.
“Look, I get it,” Hinata assured softly, lifting a hand to brush some of her hair behind her ear. “But you shouldn’t show up here to try and get him to talk to you. It would probably just irritate him. It would irritate me if I were him, at the very least.”
He knew she was right. He also knew how easy it would be for Gaara to avoid him anywhere else. Naruto heaved another sigh, dragging his fingertips over the steering wheel for a few seconds before he glanced over at Hinata again. “How is he?”
“I’m not sure I’m the right person to ask,” Hinata shrugged with an apologetic smile. “I’m not as close with him as others are. He seems…okay? I mean, he came back to work so that’s a really good sign. I have no idea what went down with you two because he doesn’t want to talk about it and I don’t want to pry but he seems like he’s trying to forget about it. He’s a bit distracted at times, I guess, but that’s sort of all. Sorry.”
“I really messed up, Hinata.”
“Worse things have happened, Naruto.”
“Not like this.”
Hinata hummed softly, reaching into the car to gently set her hand over his on the steering wheel. “You’ve dealt with things worse than this and so has he. It isn’t the end of the world.”
She’d been this kind and understanding when they broke up all those years ago in highschool. Of course, their relationship had never been anything super serious. They had been trying to figure themselves out and it had ended alright, Naruto’s guilt put aside. He had always sort of admired that about her. The way she could be so calm about painful things. It was a trait he wished he had.
“Are you going back inside?” He jerked his chin in the direction of the shop over her shoulder.
“Oh, no,” She pulled her hand back and then stood up straight, pulling her lavender sweater tighter over herself. “I’m actually about to meet Shino and Kiba at that little sushi place down the street for dinner. I just saw you and figured I’d come over to see what you were doing.”
“Good call on your part.”
“Well, you know me; I’m always full of good ideas.”
Naruto laughed a little bit and started up his car, glancing at her. “Do you want a ride? It’s chilly.”
Hinata liked the cold, of course. She was crazy like that. But she smiled brightly at him and climbed into the passenger seat. She switched the radio to a station she enjoyed, like she had always slotted so easily into Naruto’s life like this. Which she had, really. She had always managed to pop in and out of his life so seamlessly, like it was how they were always meant to be. It was nice, considering how scared he’d been of losing her friendship when they broke up years ago, and maybe he was foolish enough to give him a small sliver of hope.
Maybe Gaara could be the same. He could handle losing Gaara’s affection if it meant Gaara could still walk in and out of his life, leaving no sadness behind yet always bringing a familiar warmth when he did return. It was wishful thinking and he knew that. Naruto hadn’t shattered Hinata’s heart the way he did Gaara’s. Gaara wasn’t nearly as forgiving as Hinata. The chances of him forgiving Naruto and still allowing Naruto to have any place in his life after this horrible stunt was so small that it hurt to think about.
Still, he clung to the small wish, plastering on a small smile as he and Hinata sang along to the pop music on the radio. If she knew his smile was bullshit, she didn’t say anything and that was okay. Hinata didn’t pry and Naruto loved her for it so much right then. If she pried he would have cried his soul out and he’d done enough of that. Way too much of it, actually.
Thursday, February 1st, 1:00 p.m.
Kurenai was wonderful to work with. She was kind and funny, and had a beautiful laugh that almost felt infectious. She was intelligent and empathetic, though had a sarcastic streak that took most people by surprise when they first met her. She loved the kids they worked with and the kids loved her, feeding off her motherly personality the second their own parents dropped them off for the day. She was great to work with…until she knew something was wrong, of course, and she had known something was wrong for days. She didn’t poke at Naruto about it, of course, though he had half expected her to. She liked to know things and, more importantly, she liked to help fix things. But she hadn’t said a word this whole time and it was…odd.
The children were all outside on the playground, being monitored by several other teachers who had playground supervision duty. Kurenai and Naruto were cleaning up glitter and glue and bits of paper from the tables, the messy remnants of an activity that had proved to be a stellar success. Kids loved glitter and glue, after all.
Kurenai tossed a handful of bent, crumpled paper into the trash bin and looked over at him, a hand on her hip. “Your mood seems to be better today.”
Naruto glanced up at her, scrubbing at a particularly heinous and stubborn pool of glue on the table. “It’s not. I just have the energy to hide it today.” He offered with a dry smile.
Kurenai nodded a little bit and pushed in a few little child-sized chairs at the table. “I didn’t want to bug you about it. Is everything okay?”
No, of course not. “Eh…no, but I decided to deal with it so I guess I’m more resolute about it? I’ll probably be back to the moping and wistfully sighing once I talk to…my boyfriend? My ex boyfriend? Whatever we were.”
Talking to Kurenai was easy. She didn’t judge. Or, if she did, she never made it obvious. She was a good person to talk to when he needed an unbiased, impersonal opinion. “Boy troubles. The worst. Was this a break up?”
Naruto let out a triumphant little laugh as he managed to wipe up the glue from the table before he looked back at her, shrugging. “More like me sticking my foot in my mouth. I guess I needed to mope about it until I figured out what to do. I’m going to talk to him about it but he’s going to hate me and never want to see me again. I guess I’m…mourning the loss of that in advance.”
“That’s a bummer,” As she walked by she ruffled his hair before opening up the cabinet where they usually kept the glue and glitter and the both of them started to put it all away. “I wish I had advice but Asuma and I have never broken up.”
Naruto groaned, loud and exaggerated. “Speaking of Asuma,” He drawled, wiping some stray glitter from his hand onto his jeans. God, glitter would never come off. “When are the two of you going to have kids of your own? You walk around here like everyone’s mom and I’ve been waiting! Do you know how badly I want to buy baby clothes for you?”
Kurenai took the spontaneous change in topic in stride, her cheeks actually taking on a slightly pink hue as she laughed a little. “You sound like everyone else we know.”
“Well, duh. When your favorite couple has been married for like, ever, you get impatient.” Naruto nudged her with his hip.
Kurenai nudged him back, a little harder, and snorted to herself. “It’s…in the works. We’re trying.”
Making an interested noise, Naruto leaned into the woman with a small grin tugging at his lips. “No way, you’re serious?”
“A little, yeah,” she laughed softly and looked over at him, shrugging her shoulders. “I mean, Asuma and I have been together for ages and we want kids. It’s just…you know, tricky. Bodies and all that are weird.” She waved a dismissive hand and shook her head, smiling again.
Naruto nodded along, a smile still on his face as he closed up the cabinet for her, shoving his still glitter-covered hands into his pockets. “You’d be such a cool mom, Kurenai. When you guys do have the baby I will totally be a babysitter if you need one.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” She glanced up at the clock on the wall and sighed, hands on her hips. “Break time is almost up already? Man, today is going by fast.”
“Too fast,” Naruto muttered. “I’m gonna try to talk to him when I’m off. I’m not feeling very optimistic about it all. I was hoping the day was going to drag a little bit more. I’m all nervous and stuff.”
“Well, these things are difficult,” Kurenai reached out to ruffle his hair gently, her smile softening as she gazed at him. “I’m sorry you’re going through a rough spot. You can call me if you need to talk, you know. Or come over, even.”
Naruto gently pushed her hand away but not before squeezing it gently. “It’s fine. Thanks, though. I’m just being a little dramatic because I hate confrontations.”
“Most people hate it,” She offered and walked across the room, fingers skimming over a row of movies on a shelf near the TV in the corner. “I think we’ll start them off with a movie when they come back. What do you think?”
Kurenai was good at veering away from hard topics in a way that didn’t feel too harsh. She knew Naruto well enough to know when he wanted to be in his own head for a bit, anyway, so it was a welcome change. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled a little bit. “I think that’s a good idea. I could use a fun movie. One with music, maybe.”
Kurenai didn’t bring up his mood anymore after that. Naruto was thankful. She watched him, of course, with a very mother-like gaze that she always watched over him with, and it eased a little bit of his worry.
6:35 p.m.
Sitting in his car across the street from Gaara’s house felt even creepier than sitting outside his place of work. He could almost hear Hinata in his head scolding him for being weird and Naruto hated himself just a little more for a second. He shook those thoughts away as he got out of his car, shivering in the evening air. He could do this. He could totally do this. All he had to do was knock on the door and pray Gaara was home…and maybe pray that neither Kankuro or Temari would murder him on sight. They probably wouldn’t but the possibility still lingered in the back of his mind. They wouldn’t be too out of line for it, he figured but he hoped they wouldn’t.
He could do this. Just walk up to the porch and knock on the door.
Kiba stepped outside, Akamaru tugging at his leash the moment the door closed behind them.
Shit. Of course Naruto would show up at the very moment Kiba was taking Akamaru out for an evening walk. He didn’t even have enough time to turn and scurry away because Akamaru saw him and barked once, tugging Kiba along with a wildly wagging tail towards where Naruto stood at the steps leading to the porch.
“Jesus, Akamaru, slow down!” Kiba huffed a little and glanced up at Naruto as Akamaru almost plowed into the blonde, begging to be pet. Naruto obliged, of course, and reached down to scratch behind one of the dog’s ears. Kiba scoffed softly at Akamaru’s shameless plea for attention before meeting Naruto’s gaze in the dying evening light. “What’re you doing here, Naruto?”
Naruto hesitated and shrugged, still scratching idly behind one of Akamaru’s floppy ears. “Just uh…came to talk to Gaara. That’s all.”
“Oh,” Kiba nodded as if this was the most normal interaction to exist. He smiled a bit at him, wrapping some of the length of Akamaru’s leash around his own hand. “Well, good luck.”
“What, you’re not going to tell me I should leave?” Naruto blurted out before he could stop himself, clamping his mouth shut immediately after. It only made sense, he figured. Kiba was dating Kankuro and, well, Kankuro probably hated his guts right now. Kiba cared about Gaara; they were basically brothers. Kiba should hate him too and should be chasing him away right at this very second.
Kiba frowned a little bit, raising an eyebrow at him. “Why the hell would I? Whatever happened is between you and Gaara; I have nothing to do with it and I’d like to keep it that way. If you want to talk to him then I don’t care. You and I are friends, too, Naruto.”
Naruto didn’t exactly expect that, though it made a lot of sense in regards to Kiba as a person. He’d never really been one to get in the middle of spats between friends, not unless something really bad had come up. Naruto would have considered this to be a bad situation, sure, but Kiba didn’t seem to think so. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign in the long run. “Oh. Thanks, Kiba. Uh…do you think he’ll want to talk to me?”
Kiba shrugged as he stepped around Naruto, Akamaru leading the way. “I don’t know. When it first happened, absolutely not. Today? I’m not sure. He hasn’t talked about it much since he stopped locking himself up in his room.” He paused, then, and looked over his shoulder at him. “He also isn’t home, either.”
“What?” Naruto whirled around with a groan, dragging a tired hand over his face. “I saw his car…”
“He’s with Temari,” Kiba clarified with a small laugh. “They just left a few minutes ago. They’ll be back in an hour, maybe?”
Plenty of time to turn and run, Naruto thought idly to himself. Plenty of time to pretend he’d never come by and figure out some other way to talk to Gaara. God, but there was no other way, was there? His texts would be ignored and his calls, too. Going to the tattoo shop again was out of the question unless he wanted to test not just Gaara’s patience but Hinata’s, too. This really was the best option. Gaara would be in a place he felt comfortable, a place where he could tell Naruto to leave without fear of him not listening.
“Oh, well thanks anyway,” Naruto finally sighed and tilted his head back, scowling at the sky. “I guess I can come back later tonight-”
“Come back for what?”
Naruto jolted in surprise, turning around to see Kankuro standing on the porch, hands shoved in the pockets of his sweatpants and head tilted curiously at him. Naruto winced, forcing up a small and nervous laugh. “Oh, hey, Kankuro.”
“That’s my cue to leave,” Kiba murmured, earning a scowl from Naruto. He ignored it, of course, and blew a kiss in Kankuro’s direction before he jogged away with Akamaru. Cheeky bastard.
It was just them, now. Kankuro, watching from the porch and Naruto, standing there and feeling like he’d much rather burrow into the ground and never return. He didn’t, of course. He took a breath and walked up the little porch stairs to stand in front of Kankuro, letting his nervous smile melt away. “I came to talk to your brother.”
“I figured as much,” Kankuro replied calmly, nodding. “He isn’t home. I’m sure Kiba mentioned that.”
“He did.” Naruto agreed, biting his lip. “I can come back later or….I don’t know, wait?”
“You can do whatever you want, Naruto.” Kankuro told him, a small frown on his lips as he eyed him up and down. God, it was unnerving. Why did all three of these siblings have to look so unnerving so easily? “I mean, I don’t really think I’m thrilled at the idea of you talking to him, though. Considering…you know.”
“I…I know.” Naruto sighed, hard. He went over and sat down on the edge of the porch, elbows on his knees and chin resting in one of his palms. “I just really need to talk to him, Kankuro. Even if he doesn’t want to see me.”
Kankuro sat down next to him with a small groan. “To apologize?”
“And then some,” Naruto muttered, scowling softly at nothing in particular. He glanced at the older man from the corner of his eye. “I messed up. Bad. I just want to set things right and give him all the information. He can tell me to piss off or whatever after. It’s just important that he hears me out.”
Naruto had never really spent any true alone time with Kankuro in all the years they’d known each other. They had mostly existed just within each other’s orbits, brought together because of mutual friends. They got along, sure, and Kankuro had always been a pretty cool guy, even back when he’d been Gaara’s scary older brother in school. Being alone with him right now, though, sort of made Naruto feel like he was being put under a microscope and studied. It was a little uncomfortable. It was a little scary, too, if anyone would ask him about it later. Kankuro had no reason to be kind to him.
Kankuro sighed and plopped his own chin in his palm, lazily looking over at him. “You know, I’ve never really hated you, Naruto. Even back when we were in school and you were an annoying little punk, I never hated you. Even Gaara was a bit of a piece of work back then, so I guess I had a little bit of sympathy for annoying kids.” He smiled just a bit though it didn’t look very genuine. “I never hated you when you two were beating each other’s asses all the time or snarling at each other at every event we all ended up at together. It wasn’t my place to, I think. What did I care? But you know, when my little brother walked through the front door on his birthday in tears, I think I hated you. I definitely hated you when he locked himself in his room for days on end.”
It wasn’t like the words were a surprise but Naruto still winced a little anyway. “Kankuro-”
“I was scared, Naruto,” Kankuro cut him off with a soft voice. He sounded calm, even, despite how much he must have been feeling at the memory. Naruto fell silent, looking back at him and waiting for him to continue.
Kankuro raked a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh, leaning back on his elbows on the porch, making Naruto have to look down at him. “Gaara’s come a long way since we left our dad. I’m proud of that. He’s worked so hard and put himself through hell in a thousand different ways and came out so much stronger but then one day was all it took for him to suddenly…fall apart. I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do because he didn’t want to see us and he wouldn’t talk to us. I was half convinced the teenage version of him was going to come back with a vengeance and then I had to deal with Temari,” He shot Naruto a small smirk. “Who, by the way, wanted to drag you here herself and probably kill you. So, you’re welcome for not letting her do that.”
He looked away from Naruto again, staring out at the darkening world around them. “I don’t ever want to see my little brother like that again, Naruto. It’s terrifying and I love him so much. I can’t let him get hurt like that again so…if you talk to him, then you better not cause any more damage than you already have.”
“I…” Naruto clenched his fists and nodded just once, frowning down at his feet. “I don’t want to hurt him, Kankuro. I never did and I really messed up. I just want to fix it. He can tell me off and never see me again if he wants to, that’s fine. I just really need to fix things because it wasn’t fair and you’d be totally in your right to keep me from him-”
“I’m not going to keep you from him,” Kankuro waved it off, rolling his eyes. “The things you said to him…I can’t believe you’d mean any of it. That’s just not you, Naruto. Whatever crap you’re dealing with that made you feel like you had to say those things, I hope you figure it out and feel better, I do. Gaara deserves honesty and the both of you deserve some form of closure. However it happens.”
Naruto hadn’t really realized how tense he’d been until that moment, his body slumping forward a bit in relief. It was more than he deserved from Kankuro and he was so glad at that moment that it hadn’t been Temari who was home. “I’ll come back on a different day. I don’t want to hurt him but I need to get my thoughts in better order. You…helped a bit, though.”
“Wasn’t really my intention to help,” Kankuro stood up and held a hand out to him, yanking Naruto to his feet. He eyed him for a second, eyes narrowed in thought before he shrugged and reached for the front door. “He’ll be here tomorrow. All day. That might be a good chance.”
He went inside the house without another word, leaving Naruto standing on the porch in the cold evening air.
Friday, February 2nd, 5:45 p.m.
Naruto hated driving in the rain. The rain had been particularly heavy today, much to the despair of the kids at the school and, now, Naruto behind the wheel. He had even lingered at the school for a little longer than he needed to in hopes of the rain easing but it only got worse and, well, he could only wait so long. So the drive to Gaara’s house was three times as stressful than it had to be, rain and impending emotional crisis considered. Just his luck.
The first thing he noticed when he parked across the street from Gaara’s house was that Gaara, Kankuro, and Kiba were all standing outside, their hair soaked from the rain and their clothes no better. He couldn’t tell from this far away but they looked like they were talking quickly, Gaara’s hands flying up and pointing in different directions almost frantically. Kiba and Kankuro looked no better, stressed and shifting on their feet. That…wasn’t a good thing, he was sure.
He was out of his car in record time, jogging over. Kankuro met his gaze first and offered an almost apologetic look but he and Kiba were already leaving, running off in different directions. Gaara whirled around at the sound of approaching footsteps. This close, Naruto could see that he’d been crying and it made his chest ache, freezing him in place. To his credit, Gaara only looked mildly annoyed to see him and made a frustrated noise. “I don’t have time for this-”
“Gaara,” Naruto grabbed him the moment he tried to push past him, hands on his shoulders. Gaara didn’t fight him, blinking back tears as Naruto looked him up and down. Was he hurt? Was someone else hurt? “Just calm down for a sec, okay? What’s wrong? Are you alright?”
He wasn’t entirely sure what he saw on Gaara’s face then. Alarm, yes, and honestly a mild ounce of annoyance at Naruto being…well, present. But there was something fearful there that made Naruto’s stomach churn and Gaara groaned, trying to shove Naruto away from him. “Shukaku got out and we can’t find him, alright? It’s pouring fucking rain and the front door was open and he just…he’s never tried to run outside before! It’s freezing out here and he’s probably soaked and scared and-”
“Breathe,” Naruto cut him off gently, squeezing his shoulders to get his attention. He ducked his head a little to make eye contact, waiting until Gaara was looking at him again before he continued, “Is everyone else looking? Where have they looked?”
“Temari’s in the backyard, Kankuro’s going to check under the house.” Gaara muttered, wiping at his eyes with the back of a trembling hand. “Shikamaru went down one side of the road and Kiba went down the other. I…If anything happens to that cat, Naruto, I-”
“Nothing is going to happen to him.” Naruto assured slowly, sliding his hands from Gaara’s shoulders down his arms and to his hands, holding them in his own and squeezing them gently. God, Gaara’s hands were freezing. “He’s probably a little wet and freaked out but he’s a tough guy. I’ll go check the next street over, okay? Maybe he jumped the fence in the back yard or something.”
Gaara gazed at him wearily, taking a few unsteady breaths. It was totally fair that he’d be suspicious. Naruto knew how important Shukaku was to him, though, and he knew how bad Gaara would take it if Shukaku got hurt or…worse. Gaara knew that Naruto knew all of that, he was sure, because he squeezed Naruto’s hands back just once before ripping his own away. He nodded stiffly, pushing some wet hair from his eyes. “I’m going to help Kankuro.”
Gaara left without another word and Naruto pushed aside his instinctive urge to chase after him, turning on his heel and taking off at a sprint, wet hair clinging to the sides of his face and his shoes getting more and more soaked by the minute. The rain wasn’t letting up. It was getting worse, actually, and even though Naruto hadn’t really held any real affection for Shukaku, his heart did ache a bit at the thought of the cat cowering in the rain, scared and confused. Sure, Shukaku had been a stray for a while before Gaara took him in but that had been a long time ago and in a totally different part of town. He’d be lost, maybe, and whatever panic the rain and any of the other dozens of factors could cause would just make Shukaku run farther and hide in more difficult to reach places. Hell, what if he jumped into a yard with a dog? What if he ran into another stray cat and got hurt in a nasty fight? Hit by a car? Picked up and taken by someone else who would keep him for themselves?
Gaara’s head was probably filled with thoughts like this and Naruto really, really hoped they found that damn cat. He also really hoped that Gaara didn’t murder whichever of his house mates had left the door open in the first place. It was an accident, surely, but he didn’t doubt Gaara’s ability to hold a grudge. Clearly.
The next street was silent save for the heavy rain hitting the pavement. This was, luckily, a pretty quiet area of town with little car traffic at this time so Naruto got to work, walking quickly down the middle of the street, calling out the cat’s name, “Shukaku! Shu! Come here, kitty!”
Where the hell would a cat hide? A covered porch, maybe? Some bushes? The last thing Naruto wanted to do was get yelled at by some cranky home owner for poking around in their front lawns or porches but he would if he had to. But he’d check under cars first. There were a good number of cars parked along the sidewalks and it honestly seemed like a logical place to go in a panic for a small animal. That’s where he would go if he was an old, cranky, panicked cat.
“Shukaku!” Naruto spent several long, painful minutes kneeling down to peek underneath cars up one side of the sidewalk, soaked to the bone and feeling the chill of it settle in. He should have felt silly, honestly, but the worry for the cat was actually quite strong. He was doubting Shukaku had come as far as a whole street over, honestly, but it was good to cover all their bases. But if none of them found him…
Nope. Nope, he was not going to think like that. He wasn’t going to think about the look on Gaara’s face if the cat never came back and wasn’t going to think about how Gaara’s mental health was probably already a mess as it was after what he had done to him. He wasn’t going to think about that. Nope.
“Fuck,” Naruto sat down on the wet street, feeling the seat of his pants soak with water as he bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Damn cat had to pick the worst time to run out the front door…and for what!” He threw his arms up in exasperation, talking to no one but himself. “Has a whole loving family and all the food he could want and he bolts! Self sabotaging cat, I swear to god-”
A faint sound cut him off, the familiar ugly, creaking meow that made Naruto shoot to his feet. “Shukaku?”
There was a brief silence before another hesitant, miserable meow. Naruto crouched down by an old, beat up truck at the end of the street, peering under it and his heart ached. Shukaku was there, curled up and soaking wet, trembling he locked eyes with Naruto from under the truck. It was a miserable picture, honestly, to see the cat's fur matted with water and leaves, and shaking like all the warmth from his body had vanished. But he didn’t look hurt and that was honestly the important part. Naruto let himself smile in relief, holding his hand out towards the cat. “Come here, buddy-Ah!”
He yanked his hand back as Shukaku hissed, swatting at him. Scowling, Naruto leaned back to unzip his sweater, the inside more damp than soaked like the rest of it and held it open. “Don’t be a little brat, Shu. Come on. I’ll take you home.”
He didn’t really expect Shukaku to move. He was already planning to call Shikamaru or Kiba to bring Gaara and help, since Gaara had far better luck with the cat than anyone else, but then he was pleasantly surprised when Shukaku crept forward, slowly, sniffing at the sweater. Naruto didn’t waste any time, scooping him up and wrapping the growling, wet fur ball into the sweater and holding him close. Shukaku’s head poked out of the sweater bundled around him and while his ears were pressed back, annoyed, he didn’t hiss this time or struggle in Naruto’s hold. Thank god.
“Good kitty,” Naruto breathed, standing up and holding him closer as he started walking (he’d jog if he wasn’t worried about Shukaku trying to squirm free after too much jostling) back in the direction of Gaara’s street.
Gaara was pacing on the porch when Naruto finally made it back, unaware of his arrival. His siblings, along with Kiba and Shikamaru, stood in the driveway and the moment Temari’s eyes landed on the wet cat in his arms, Naruto saw her entire body relax before she turned to call towards Gaara, “Naruto found him!”
Gaara’s head whipped around in his direction and Naruto quickly made his way up the porch stairs, thankful for finally having some cover from the rain. Not that it changed much now; he was soaked to the bone, just like Shukaku. The look of pure relief on Gaara’s face made it worth it, though, and Naruto passed the wet bundle of cat and sweater into Gaar’s arms. “He was under a car a street away. He hissed at me once, but he basically came right to me.”
“God, you’re soaked, Shu,” Gaara murmured, pressing a kiss to the cat’s head. “I’ll dry you, Shu. You’re probably freezing.” He finally met Naruto’s gaze, a soft frown on his lips as he looked him up and down before turning and heading into the house. “Come dry off, Naruto.”
He hadn’t expected to be invited in. The whole situation had sort of made Naruto figure he’d have to find a different day to talk to him, again, and he’d been fine with that. The invitation to come in made his heart skip a beat and he hesitated for just a moment before shuffling into the house and kicking his wet shoes off by the door.
Gaara gestured for him to go into his room while he went further down the hall and Naruto stepped inside, looking around. It wasn’t like the room had changed much since the last time he’d seen it but…this was the room they’d slept together in. This was the room everything had changed in and walking into was almost suffocating. There was…one thing different, though, that caught his eye as he walked further into the room. There was a picture sitting on Gaara’s nightstand of a woman holding a little red haired baby in a hospital bed next to a man. Gaara’s mother and father, he knew, and a baby Gaara that looked so little in the woman’s arms. He’d never seen this picture before; he would have remembered.
“I brought you a towel,” Gaara stepped into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. Shukaku was still wrapped in his arms and he had two towels thrown over his shoulder. He paused when he saw the picture in Naruto’s hands, eyes narrowing slightly as they slowly met his again. “I don’t have anything you can wear, though, so you’ll have to sit in wet clothes.”
“That’s fine,” Naruto carefully set the picture down and took one of the towels from him, sitting down on the floor. He started to towel dry his hair, watching Gaara sit down across from him, unwrapping the sweater from Shukaku so he could start towel drying him, too. There was a tense silence, Shukaku’s loud purring the only sound for a second before Naruto forced out, “I’ve never seen that picture before. That’s your mom, right?”
“Mhm,” Gaara hummed in reply, lifting Shukaku up a little to towel dry his tummy. “My father dropped it off to me a few days ago along with some other things of my mother’s.”
Naruto frowned softly. “He came here?”
“He did.”
“I’m sorry-”
“Why are you here, Naruto?” Gaara cut in, still not looking away from the cat he was drying. “You showed up at an awful time but…you found Shukaku so I’m willing to listen to you. So, why did you come over in the first place?”
Naruto sighed and set the towel down in his lap, leaning back against the bed behind him. He watched Gaara dry Shukaku off for a silent moment or two, and then was pleasantly surprised when the cat squirmed out of Gaara’s grasp and into Naruto’s lap. He curled up there, still with that creaky sounding pur, and Naruto scoffed softly. “Wow.”
“Traitor,” Gaara mumbled with a roll of his eyes. “Talk, Naruto.”
“I…wanted to apologize,” Naruto began softly, slowly stroking a hand along Shukaku’s now damp body. Stray, wet fur stuck to his hand, making him frown a little, but he continued, “And to explain why I was such a jerk on your birthday. You’d be totally within your right to kick me out right now, and I’ll leave if you want, but I just…I need to explain myself. You deserve honesty.”
“I deserved honesty that day, too,” Gaara noted with a sour tone. But he didn’t make any moves to kick him out, instead gesturing towards Shukaku. “I can’t kick you out with Shukaku in your lap. So, explain yourself if you want to.”
Shukaku saving his life here wasn’t exactly how Naruto expected this to go but hey, he’d take it. The cat liked him and Gaara was going to hear him out, even if he looked irritated beyond all belief about it. But that was fine. The important part was that Gaara was willing to listen.
Naruto took a deep breath to try and get his racing thoughts together. So much had happened and there was so much going through his mind that it was hard to place where he should start. “I shouldn’t have said any of that crap I said to you, Gaara. I didn’t mean it. I…I know that you knew I was lying through my teeth and it was such a horrible thing to do to you and I can’t say sorry enough. I am sorry, Gaara. I’m so sorry I said any of it. It was unfair and I just wanted you to be-”
“You wanted me to be angry at you,” Gaara murmured softly, picking at the towel in his lap. “It worked. But what the hell could you have been dealing with that was so horrible you couldn’t talk to me about it? What was so bad that you would have preferred to hurt me instead of trust me?” The anger had leaked into his voice by the end and he was frowning when he looked back at him, confused and angry and waiting for the truth that Naruto was still so scared to admit to.
Naruto bit his lip. “...It’s sort of complicated so just…please hear me out. I have to start from the beginning so it makes sense.”
It was painful to be vulnerable. Naruto had been practicing this conversation in his head for days on end, replaying everything he could say and all the different ways to say it but now that he was here across from Gaara, he felt lost. And hell, the sooner he got it all out the sooner Gaara would most likely never want to see him again. How would he ever deal with that…?
“...I realized after that dinner at your dad’s place that I was falling for you,” He began, feeling like his heart was in his throat. “It freaked me out and I didn’t know what to do about it. I thought I was going to have the time to think it through and figure out what to do but then…that girl showed up.”
“Girl,” Gaara echoed in confusion before his eyes widened in realization. “Are you talking about Matsuri ?”
Naruto nodded. “Yeah. Her.” He replied, unable to stop from frowning softly to himself. Not at the memory of Matsuri, though, but at the memory of just how badly it had affected him. It took a great effort to say his next sentence, forcing past the shame of it all. “I got really jealous.”
“Jealous,” Gaara murmured, tilting his head. “That’s why you were acting so weird that entire time…”
“Yeah. And I know I should have just said something, but I felt so stupid for being jealous,” Naruto admitted, placing both of his hands into Shukaku’s damp fur to give himself something to hold onto. “I…I was so upset because here was this girl from your past that you clicked with right away. She was a great part of your past that you seemed so happy to reconnect with and it just reminded me of how bad for you that I was. There’s nothing good in my past with you, Gaara, so how could I be so selfish to think that you’d like me back? And what right did I have to feel jealous? It was so stupid, all of it! So I…I tried to distance myself because I know how I get when I'm jealous. I told you before how I got with Sasuke whenever I was insecure or jealous and I couldn’t do that to you. Calling you a thousand times a day to know where you are? Demanding to know what you’re doing with anyone that isn’t me? I wasn’t going to do that to you, Gaara.”
“...So you distanced yourself.” Gaara nodded slowly, his expression unreadable. “That day you were supposed to come over and you said you were sick…it was because Matsuri was there, wasn’t it?”
“...Yeah.” Naruto sighed, shrugging his shoulders as he offered a smile with no real warmth in it. “I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing her so I just didn’t go. But then when I saw you on my porch looking so confused and hurt, I realized that in my attempts to stop becoming my old self, I started acting the way Sasuke did back then instead. And I hated myself for it so much. I don’t think I ever hated myself more than when I was hurting you, Gaara.”
It still hurt to think about all of it. The way Gaara had stared at him that evening on the porch. The look of pure hurt on Gaara’s face at the aquarium. Every time he thought about all of it, his stomach churned so badly and his hands shook. A good thing, then, that he had his hands buried in Shukaku's fur. “I wanted to put a stop to our whole fake dating thing so I could clear my head. I was going to talk to you about it after your birthday when I could figure out how to say it all but…but you started asking about what we should do when we were at the aquarium and I felt like I was backed into a corner. I just panicked and wanted to do anything to get you to leave me alone and…I figured you hating me would solve it all for me. You’d hate me and then we’d never have to see each other again and I’d never subject you to my stupid emotions ever again. But it was so wrong of me to throw all the things you worry about in your face like that, it was such a dick move. I…I shouldn’t have done it. Obviously. I just…I’m an idiot, Gaara, and you deserve so much better than someone that gets jealous over your friends and…God, I’m just a fucking idiot and I was falling hard for you and it scared the hell out of me. I have problems and I can’t control my feelings without screwing everything up. I’m an idiot.”
He had sort of expected to feel a little bit better when he said all of it. Maybe like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. If anything, he felt worse. Like the weight of it all, paired with Gaara’s unreadable expression, was crushing him with every second that ticked by. He could be swallowed up by the earth in that moment and he still wouldn’t be hidden enough from the weight of the truth finally out and exposed.
Gaara sighed, long and loud in the quiet of the bedroom. “You are an idiot, yes. But not because of your feelings.” He murmured. “The things you did to avoid them…yes, very idiotic. But Naruto you can’t…” He paused then, looking like he was trying to find the words. Or how to phrase it without being too mean? “You can’t decide what’s best for me, Naruto. You can’t just decide that you being a dick to me out of nowhere is somehow any better than you just telling me you have feelings for me. I’m not Sasuke, Naruto. I’m me. I’m Gaara. You can’t just keep applying what happened with him to whatever we have going on.”
“I know that,” Naruto shot back, frowning. “I just…you mean so much to me-”
“So much that you’d rather break my heart than have a serious conversation.”
“Well, I'm here now, aren’t I?”
Gaara leaned back a little bit at that, his expression still unreadable. He tossed the towel out of his lap and crawled over to sit next to Naruto, leaning back against the bed behind them with a tired sounding sigh. “All relationships are about trust. I trusted you, Naruto, to hear about all my ugly sides and still be there for me. I thought you trusted me to do the same, I thought we were…going somewhere. That we were so close to something really good. When I realized that you would rather hurt me than tell me what was bothering you, I was so angry. And yeah, I was angry about the things you said to me because it was rude and cruel but…I was so angry that you would rather break my heart than just tell me something was upsetting you. That’s not how adult dynamics work. Not if you want them to last, Naruto.”
“I know that,” Naruto insisted softly, looking down at the sleeping cat in his lap. “I just get so scared, Gaara. It’s ridiculous.”
“Having emotions isn’t ridiculous,” Gaara murmured. There were just a few small inches between their bodies. God, Naruto wished Gaara would scoot closer, press against his side and feel like he belonged there once again. “You broke my trust, Naruto. Not just my heart, that’s…that fixes itself over time, I guess. But you broke my trust. I don’t want us to just never see each other again. You know that, don’t you?”
“I was actually pretty confident that you’d never want to see me again after this.” Naruto looked over at him. “I’d do whatever I had to do to make sure you never have to see me if that’s what you want.”
“It isn’t what I want,” Gaara shook his head. “I considered it. I told myself that I can go back to how it was before and everything would be fine. But I can’t.” His hand found Naruto’s, laying over it gently. He didn’t hold it, not exactly, just rested it there. A cool presence over his hand that made Naruto feel like he would sob. “All messy romance aside…you were my friend, Naruto. I liked being around you. I can’t just turn off how I feel about you even if I really want to. But how can I trust you anymore?”
“...That’s actually the exact thing I asked Sasuke when the two of us agreed to be friends again.” Naruto laughed quietly. “He uh…he said that it’s a learning process. You have to trust each other to learn from your mistakes and do the work to treat each other better. I…I might go to therapy, actually. I haven’t really mentioned it to anyone yet but I’ve been thinking about everything and I need help learning how to manage these feelings when they come up. I’m not saying that’s a reason to trust me. I just want you to know that I’m trying to fix myself so I don’t hurt anyone else, not just you.”
He took a chance, turning his hand over to hold Gaara’s properly, their fingers intertwined. Gaara didn’t pull his hand away. He squeezed Naruto’s hand, just barely. “I think that’s a good idea, Naruto. I…I forgive you for feeling like you had to hurt me. I don’t know if I can forgive the things you said, even if I know they weren’t the truth. Not yet, at least.”
“I don’t expect you to.” Naruto assured him, looking back at him again only to see Gaara already watching him. He bit his lip, averting his gaze. “Take time and think about it. Don’t…feel pressured to say anything just because I’m here. I just wanted you to have all the facts. I care about you, Gaara, and I know we can’t just go back to how everything was and I’ll never bother you again if you want…but it's up to you. Whatever we are, it’s up to you. I’m not as confident as I look and I’m insecure and when I feel like I’m not enough for someone, I act up. And that’s going to take time to fix and I don’t expect you to wait around for that. You have your life and if you think it's better with me out of it then-”
“That’s the thing,” Gaara cut in gently with a small scoff, shaking his head. “My life was actually better with you in it. Up until you got all mixed up in your feelings. I had fun and I…I had a crush. I haven’t had feelings like that before. Despite all of the bullshit, I still have those feelings.”
It made Naruto feel light headed to hear Gaara admit to having romantic feelings for him. It was such a strange feeling to hear it from Gaara’s mouth after denying it for so long, after not letting himself even think about it being possible. “Take some time to think about it. Like I said. I don’t want you to feel like you have to make a certain choice. I care about you, Gaara. I…might even love you. But I’d understand if you decided this was too much.”
“Why don’t we be friends for real first,” Gaara suggested, turning to fully face him, his hand slipping out of Naruto’s. At Naruto’s confused expression, Gaara continued, “We only became friends because of our stupid trick. So…why don’t we start over. Be friends for real. That way we’re…still in each other’s lives but there’s a healthy distance and boundary while I figure out what I want and while you figure yourself out.”
Naruto could have cried. Actually, he might have been crying. His eyes were stinging with tears. “Why would you be willing to do that? After everything I did…”
Gaara’s expression softened into that look Naruto adored, that soft smile that seemed to make his eyes melt with warmth. “Because believe it or not, you’re a good friend, Naruto. If we can become friends after years of beating the shit out of each other…then maybe we can learn to be friends after breaking each other’s hearts. I’m not saying it's going to be easy and like I said, the things you said really hurt me but…you deserve the chance to grow and heal too, Naruto. Plus…well, my cat finally likes you and he doesn’t like anyone. I have to take that as a sign.”
It was far more grace than he deserved, honestly. He really was crying, now, embarrassing sobs as he bowed his head, pressing his face into Gaara’s shoulder. Even now he felt a little bad crying when Gaara was the one he had hurt. But Gaara was hugging him and all Naruto could do was sob into his shoulder, murmuring out a soft “I’m so sorry” between every other choking sob.
He wasn’t really sure how long he cried, but when he finally pulled away Gaara’s shoulder was damp and it made Naruto offer a sheepish smile. “Sorry.” he croaked out, voice hoarse.
Gaara shook his head, holding his hand out to Naruto in what looked like..a handshake? Naruto blinked down at his hand, frowning softly in confusion as he took it in his own, shaking it. Gaara spoke, “My name is Gaara, it’s nice to meet you.”
Naruto’s eyes widened in surprise before he couldn’t help but smile, shaking his hand a second time, more firm this time. “My name is Naruto. It’s nice to meet you, too.”
A fresh start, it seemed. Friends without the lingering tension of a fake relationship and, in time, they could move past Naruto’s own mistakes. There was a lot to figure out on both of their ends and it would take some time but the fact that Gaara was still willing to let Naruto be a part of his life was more than he ever could have asked for. This time he wasn’t going to mess it up.
Gaara stood up and looked down at him with a small smile. “Do you want me to see if my brother has dry clothes you can borrow, Naruto?”
It was a kindness Naruto didn’t deserve. It was a sign that things might actually be okay.
Five months later
Saturday, July 20th, 1:00 p.m.
“I cannot believe you kept this from me for as long as you did,” Naruto huffed as he fixed his hair for what felt like the thousandth time. He looked fine, he knew that, but he was buzzing with energy and he had to keep moving. He was too excited.
He rushed out of the bathroom, veering down the hall into the living room. Gaara was sitting on the couch exactly where he had left him, an amused smile on his lips. “I told you already; Lee wanted it to be a secret for a while.”
“But it's him proposing to Sakura!” Naruto exclaimed with a scoff, hands on his hips. “That’s such an exciting thing! I can’t believe you didn’t sneakily tell me anyway; I’m your boyfriend!”
“You weren't technically my boyfriend when Lee first told me,” Gaara stood up from the couch, pausing to pet Shukaku before he made his way over to Naruto. He reached out to adjust the collar of Naruto’s crisp new button up, smirking softly. “Besides, Sakura is able to tell when you and Sasuke are hiding something from her. She would have gotten it out of one of you if you knew sooner. Lee had a plan to stick to and I let him do it. Be happy you two are part of the proposal as her best friends.”
Naruto sighed dramatically, flinging his arms around Gaara to hug him. Five months ago touching like this wouldn’t have felt so easy. Five months ago, Naruto had been true to his word about going to therapy and Gaara had stayed true to his, keeping their friendship up in a way that felt healthy for the both of them. It hadn’t been easy at first. Neither of them seemed to know, exactly, what they could do together as friends. It was sort of funny if they thought about it now but it had been hard, finding a way to interact with each other in a way that was healthy for not just their friendship but with the lingering knowledge of the romantic tension that still existed. They had just hung out in the way friends usually would. They went to the mall together and Gaara would ask how therapy was going and Naruto shared what he felt comfortable sharing. They got lunch together sometimes and Naruto would ask how it felt to have Shikamaru living with them and would listen, amused, as Gaara groaned about how annoying it was to have another sibling watching over him so much. They saw a movie or two together.
Slowly, Gaara started to have dinner with Naruto and his parents every other week. In return, Naruto occasionally stayed late at Gaara’s for a movie night or video games or whatever else they wanted to do. Some of those late nights turned into Naruto crashing on the couch. A few rarer times, Naruto had crashed in bed with Gaara when they were both too tired to care. Sometimes Gaara slept over at Naruto’s house, his overnight bag in the guest room untouched because he just slept in Naruto’s room anyway. Sometimes they took day trips with Gaara’s siblings. Sometimes they went on day trips with Sasuke and Sakura. They even took a few day trips alone together, blaring music and arguing about where to eat or what to do.
Their friendship grew and it felt so natural that when Gaara kissed him for the first time a month ago, leaning over Naruto’s kitchen counter to capture his lips in the middle of a laugh, Naruto couldn’t describe it as anything other than natural. When Naruto kissed him back and Gaara didn’t pull away or run, it felt natural. When they fell into bed together a week after that…well, it finally felt like something had clicked into place.
“I still think you have the easier job being on Lee’s team for the proposal,” Naruto sighed wistfully, kissing Gaara's throat, feeling him shudder against him. “All you and Neji and Tenten have to do is take videos of the whole thing. Sasuke and I had to fake a whole outing with her and Lee so she wouldn’t suspect anything!”
Gaara chuckled as he stepped back, glancing at the clock on the living room wall before he smiled at him again. “If you could hold a camera still then you’d be on the camera team.”
“Fair enough,” Naruto snorted, scooping his cell phone from the living room table and shoving it into his pocket. “Okay, so Sasuke and I are meeting Lee and Sakura at the cafe. You and Neji and Tenten sure you’ll have everything set in the park by then?”
“With Neji in charge of it, yes,” Gaara assured with a small shake of his head and an exasperated smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Lee has it all planned with enough wiggle room for trouble if we need anyway. It’ll be fine. As long as we all get Sakura’s good angles so she doesn’t kill us later, everything will go perfectly.”
“I suddenly don’t envy you and the others,” Naruto could just imagine Sakura’s fury if her proposal was ruined by bad lighting or a weird facial expression. That was not the fury he wanted to be on the other side of, now that he thought about it. “Well, I need to head out before I’m late.”
Gaara kissed him and it made Naruto’s heart swell like it did every single time. Just like their first kiss right in this living room when they had been faking all of it. It felt so much better now that it was real, now that Naruto could kiss him back. Oh, and kiss him he did, licking into his mouth just to drag that breathy moan Gaara always made out of him. Gaara pulled away with a scoff, pulling Naruto’s hips closer by the belt loops of his pants. “You can’t kiss me like that right before you leave. That’s unfair.”
Naruto shrugged, feigning innocence. “What? I have no clue what you’re talking about, babe.” He turned to go, giggling loudly when he was yanked back around and kissed again, his face hot and heart full. “Gaara! I have to go! The plan!”
“Mm,” Gaara kissed him one more time before releasing him, sighing softly. “Alright, go. Neji’s going to be here to get me soon and probably give me an extremely long tutorial on how to use whatever cameras he brought along.”
“Yikes,” Naruto cringed at the thought, kissing Gaara’s cheek before he went for the front door. “I’ll see you there, babe. Text me if you need anything.”
Naruto passed Shikamaru on his way out, waving to him with a wide grin. “Hey, Shika. I replaced the last of your coffee I drank yesterday.”
“Thank god,” Shikamaru groaned, waving over his shoulder. “Are you staying over tonight?”
“Yeah, but we’ll be back late!” Naruto called, jogging down to his car. “It’s proposal day!”
“Have fun! I’m expecting pictures!” Shikamaru called back before dipping back into the house.
It had felt so natural for Naruto to slide back into Gaara’s life over the last five months. They had talked, of course, in great detail about what they expected from a romantic relationship. Communication was a must, even if it was about less than savory emotions. Understanding was another which was easy for them; they were both so understanding anyway. They made time for each other even if their weeks were busy. One date a week at minimum and they always called each other before bed. Group activities with their friends or other couples. And, of course, Naruto helped out with groceries at Gaara’s palace because he stayed over so often.
It wasn’t always easy. They both had their baggage and no amount of therapy or self reflection could prevent some of their impulses to snap when they were stressed. But they talked about it. They felt comfortable talking about it. Sometimes Gaara needed space and he was always able to communicate that and Naruto was more than happy to give him however much space he needed. Sometimes Naruto needed a little bit more attention than he felt comfortable asking for but Gaara never faulted him for it, setting aside time to ensure he was able to give Naruto what he needed, too.
They fell together so naturally that it didn’t even surprise their friends. Sasuke, naturally, had been thrilled to see them leave their messy past behind them. Lee had been more hesitant, of course, but warmed up to the idea pretty quickly. Temari and Kankuro had taken more time, of course, but they were content with his presence in their brother’s life again.
To remember that all of this had happened because of a Halloween Party misunderstanding was so insane to think about. But Naruto would have to thank Lee and Sakura for throwing that party because he and Gaara wouldn’t have fallen together without it. There was a lot left for them to work on just like all relationships but…well, they were in love. Naruto wasn’t going to let it fall apart again. He’d make damn sure of that.
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LalaDo on Chapter 1 Sat 23 Dec 2023 03:01PM UTC
Last Edited Sat 23 Dec 2023 03:05PM UTC
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idontdrawporn on Chapter 1 Mon 08 Jan 2024 05:15PM UTC
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ahmackalak on Chapter 1 Thu 14 Mar 2024 06:16AM UTC
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PrinceSkylar on Chapter 1 Tue 19 Mar 2024 03:09AM UTC
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LalaDo on Chapter 2 Sat 23 Dec 2023 07:47PM UTC
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beetleghost on Chapter 2 Mon 25 Dec 2023 09:03PM UTC
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PrinceSkylar on Chapter 2 Mon 08 Jan 2024 04:18AM UTC
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Cheinor (Guest) on Chapter 2 Fri 05 Jan 2024 05:12PM UTC
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idontdrawporn on Chapter 2 Mon 08 Jan 2024 05:45PM UTC
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idontdrawporn on Chapter 2 Tue 09 Jan 2024 04:52PM UTC
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Goonetnumber127 on Chapter 2 Sun 24 Aug 2025 07:11PM UTC
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Hikari (Guest) on Chapter 3 Mon 08 Jan 2024 06:07PM UTC
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idontdrawporn on Chapter 3 Mon 08 Jan 2024 06:12PM UTC
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LalaDo on Chapter 3 Tue 23 Jan 2024 11:24PM UTC
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